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YALE CAMPUS [Lorelai is walking around. A student hands her a flier.] LORELAI: Oh, sure. Thanks. [She continues walking. Busy students are everywhere. She knocks on Rory's dorm room door. A male voice answers.] VOICE: Come in. [Lorelai opens the door and sees Doyle on the couch.] LORELAI: Hi! Hello. I'm sorry, do I have the wrong room? DOYLE: I wouldn't know. PARIS [coming out of her room]: How delightful to have all of my towels used and then deposited in my hamper with my dry clothes to create a pungent musty combo. Hey, Lorelai. LORELAI: Paris, good, I have the right room. PARIS: This is Rory's mother. LORELAI [leans over to shake Doyle's hand]: Hi. Lorelai. DOYLE: I'm Doyle, Rory's editor. PARIS: And my lover. LORELAI: Okay, well, super. DOYLE: I don't think lover is exactly the correct term, Paris. PARIS: Really? What is the correct term, Doyle? DOYLE: At a later time, Paris. PARIS: Doyle and I haven't defined the social aspects of our relationship yet. LORELAI: Ah. PARIS: Although we're having s*x three or four times a week, so apparently the sexual aspects of our relationship are crystal freaking clear. DOYLE: Paris, I beg you. LORELAI: Is Rory here? 'Cause I could wait outside, or - PARIS: I'm making you uncomfortable. DOYLE: Yes. PARIS: Her. Not you. LORELAI: No, I'm fine. You two should be alone. PARIS: I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be talking about love, or s*x, especially since you - LORELAI: Since I - PARIS: Don't have any. LORELAI: Rory! Are you here? RORY [OS]: Yeah, I'm just getting my coat! LORELAI: Ah! Can I watch? RORY [OS]: Oh, is Paris out there? LORELAI: She sure is. RORY [OS]: Come on in. LORELAI: Nice meeting you, Doyle. DOYLE: Nice to meet you, too. [Lorelai enters Rory's room. Doyle and Paris look at each other.] PARIS: Yes? DOYLE: You look so hot when you find me annoying. PARIS: Then I must be Gisele Bündchen to you 24/7. RORY'S ROOM [Rory is putting on lipstick. Lorelai waits near the door.] RORY: Sorry, I thought she and Doyle were indisposed. LORELAI: No, no, plenty of disposal going on. So I notice you told Paris about my breakup. RORY: Ah. I'm sorry, I didn't tell her on purpose. It's very difficult to keep anything from Paris. It's very close proximity and I swear she has a dog's ears. LORELAI: That's fine. RORY: I didn't mean to blab. LORELAI: I know. But, hey, don't worry about me. Things are starting to look up. [She holds up the flier she received outside.] They think I'm a student. RORY [peering at the flier]: And they also think you're Polynesian and potentially sexually undecided. LORELAI: Yeah. Well, still an improvement. RORY: Okay. Ready. LORELAI: This was a good idea, having dinner. RORY: Well, it is Friday night. LORELAI: Yeah, but Friday night dinner without Ava and Adolf. Lovely. RORY [indignant]: It's really not fair calling Grandpa Adolf! LORELAI: No, no, that was Grandma. RORY: Oh. [They enter the common room.] RORY: We're going. [Doyle is standing near the fridge eating out of a giant bag of chips.] DOYLE: Rory, are these your chips? RORY: Yes, Doyle. DOYLE [crunching]: Can I have some? RORY: Knock yourself out, Doyle. PARIS: Listen, Lorelai? If you decide that your breakup is something that you want to talk about, please let me know. LORELAI: Okay, Paris. PARIS: And let me know before Tuesday, because I'm doing a paper for my Emotional Mental Health class about how women of a certain age cope with loneliness, and I think you'd be a great lead-off antidote. [Lorelai, stunned, looks at Rory meaningfully.] RORY: You can't take her. She's trained in Krav Maga. LORELAI: Damn it. [They leave.] OPENING CREDITS YALE CAFETERIA [Lorelai and Rory are carrying trays of food, looking for a place to sit down.] LORELAI: Okay, so where do the cool kids sit? RORY: This is Yale. There are no cool tables. LORELAI: Oh, come on. Point out the cliques. The geeks. The stoners. The Plastics. Give me the scoop. RORY: The scoop is that this is Yale. There are no cliques, we are beyond cliques. LORELAI: So you get to college, and everybody just loves each other? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: It's Haight Ashbury all over again. RORY: Except the tie-dye is done by Prada. LORELAI: Okay. [She starts to sit down at a table.] RORY: Hey, not that one. LORELAI: See, that was the clique table. RORY: No, it's under an air vent. [They sit at the next table.] LORELAI: Seriously, Grandma, buy a shawl. RORY: Hey, one good cold can set you back a month in studying. LORELAI: Mmm. See, in my mind, I heard 'partying', but okay. RORY [Raising her glass]: Here's to our very own special Friday night dinner. LORELAI: Hear, hear. [They clink their glasses.] This stuff looks pretty good. RORY: It is. So what's going on at home? LORELAI [gasps dramatically]: Big grapefruit shortage. The hurricanes wiped them out and Taylor is completely freaking out. RORY: I'm sure. LORELAI: And Patty and Babette are organizing Stars Hollow's first botox party. RORY: Are you invited? LORELAI: Are you insinuating I should be? RORY: So the Hollow's low on grapefruits. LORELAI: Uh-huh. And I'm doing costumes for the Stars Hollow Elementary School production of Fiddler on the Roof. RORY [meaningfully]: So, how are you doing? LORELAI: I'm doing fine. RORY: How are you doing? LORELAI: I'm doing fine. I swear. I'm getting better. RORY: No word from Luke? LORELAI [sighing]: Not waiting on word from Luke. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Anyhow, I'm fine. I mean, not that I'm over it, but little by little it's getting easier to pretend it's easier, which means easier must be right around the corner. RORY: I'm sure it is. LORELAI: And I'm working on getting down a new routine. I've settled on Weston's in the morning. RORY: Decent coffee, excellent strudel. LORELAI: Yeah. So, that's me. How are you? RORY: Hmm, well, I study, then study, then after a little study break, I study. LORELAI: Uh-huh. How's, um, Logan? RORY: He's been out of town for a while so I haven't seen him. LORELAI: Hmm. And what else? RORY: Mm. [Avoiding eye contact] LORELAI: What? RORY: I got an e-mail from Dad. LORELAI [surprised]: Oh, you did? Huh. When? RORY: Monday. LORELAI: Only two weeks after the fact. Very speedy. RORY: I'm sure he was just nervous. LORELAI: You know, you don't need to hide that from me. RORY: Well, I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear about it, or hear Dad's name - LORELAI: Hey, it's part of the whole 'moving on' thing, right? So what did he say? RORY: He wanted to give me his side of the story. LORELAI: Oh, well. Unless his side of the story includes having his long-lost evil twin lock him in the closet and come to the wedding in his place, his side of the story doesn't exist. RORY: He said it was all a misunderstanding. LORELAI: What? RORY: He said the only reason he came was to celebrate Grandma and Grandpa's vow renewal. LORELAI: And 'cause Adolf told him to. RORY: He says he likes Luke. LORELAI: Yeah, he's proven that. RORY: He just wants you to be happy. LORELAI: So, he got me dumped. RORY: And, basically that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding. LORELAI: You know, the more he defends himself, the more he needs to defend himself. RORY: Hey, do you think Grandpa knew about it? LORELAI: About Christopher coming? RORY: Do you think he planned it with Grandma? LORELAI: Look how panicked you are. No, honey, honestly, the whole thing reeks of Emily. I mean, not that I think he would have discouraged it, but I'm pretty sure she's the one who poisoned the apple and gave it to Dopey to bring to the party. RORY: Yeah. [Two girls sit down at their table. They look weak and shaken, and are holding their heads.] GIRL #1: Oh my God. GIRL #2: Never again. GIRL #1: Never, never again. LORELAI [quiet, to Rory]: See, we are at the cool table. [Rory looks at her.] I'm telling you, if she throws up you're golden. YALE COURTYARD [Lorelai and Rory are walking, eating ice cream.] LORELAI: You are so not starving here at Yale. RORY: My lips are frozen. LORELAI: Look, while it might seem a little eccentric to eat ice cream in forty degree weather - RORY: You'd think! LORELAI: There are several advantages to the concept. For example, since it's cold out, the ice cream won't melt, therefore it'll last longer. RORY: So then my lips will stay frozen for double the amount of time. LORELAI: Mm-hmm. Okay, I lost the feeling in my tongue! RORY: I'm throwing the ice cream out now. LORELAI: Oh, my God, it's frozen. It's like an ice cube. A tongue-shaped ice cube and it'll never thaw. RORY: Then why don't you shut your mouth? Let the heat stay inside? LORELAI: That was hostile. [Pause.] And useful. Thank you. [Points across the quad.] Hey, isn't that your naked guy? RORY: Oh, yeah. Marty, hey! He's not my naked guy. [Marty sees Rory, and as her attention is turned to Lorelai he runs in the other direction.] LORELAI: Well, you don't really want a communal naked guy, nowadays, you know, it's too sketchy. [They look over. Marty is gone.] Huh. Well, I guess he didn't hear about you sitting at the cool table. RORY [distracted]: Yeah. LORELAI: You guys rumbling? RORY: No, we're just not as close lately. LORELAI: Aw, that's too bad. He seems like a nice guy. RORY: Yeah, he is. LORELAI: All right, honey. Thank you for dinner. RORY: You're leaving? LORELAI: Yeah, I should get back. RORY: Okay. You can come in and watch T.V. for a while if you want. LORELAI: It's okay. RORY: You can even stay over if you don't feel like driving back. LORELAI: Are there monsters under your bed again? RORY: I'm just saying. LORELAI: Look, Miss Nightingale. I appreciate your concern. And the offer to spend the night is much nicer than the suggestion that I shut my mouth, but I'm fine. RORY: You sure? LORELAI: Big girl. RORY: Yeah. It's still new. LORELAI: Angel, I have been dumped before. RORY: Not by Luke. LORELAI: No, not by Luke. But a dump is a dump. The process is still the same. Don't worry, Mom's cool. RORY: I know Mom's cool. LORELAI: 'Cause you heard about the table? RORY: Exactly. LORELAI: All right, kid, I'll see you later. RORY: Okay, bye. [They kiss on the cheek and Lorelai goes.] WESTON BAKERY [A couple carries their order toward the door.] LORELAI: Wow, looks good. Hey, I'm Lorelai, I'll be here every morning. [They leave.] 'Kay, see you guys tomorrow. WOMAN: Here we go. Three coffees. LORELAI: Oh, no, I'm sorry. I only ordered one. WOMAN: You said "Coffee, coffee, coffee". LORELAI: Haha, no, see, I said "coffee-coffee-coffee". WOMAN: Right. LORELAI: As in I really need coffee-coffee-coffee. You know. WOMAN: No. LORELAI: Coffee-coffee-coffee is a saying, like an exaggeration. It's a funny, desperate cry for caffeine. It's just my thing. 'Cause everybody knows I drink a lot of coffee, so the day can't start until I've had my jolt. It's a bit. My bit. [The woman stares blankly at her.] It's not a particularly funny bit unless you know me, then - you know what, three coffees would be great. What do I owe you? STARS HOLLOW STREET [Lorelai is driving her Jeep. She drives past Luke's and sees his boat parked out front. She looks hurt. She keeps driving.] YALE NEWSPAPER OFFICE [Doyle is leading a staff meeting.] DOYLE [upset]: I don't know what other words I should use. Perhaps I should talk slower, or have a woman sit in a circle above my head signing my words to you. GLENN: That would be fresher than you yelling at us. DOYLE: Glenn. GLENN: Sorry. But every time I hear you I hear my mother. See my mother - DOYLE: Stop comparing me to your mother. GLENN: Stop acting like her. DOYLE: Anyhow, as I was saying - GLENN: Pick up your socks! PARIS: Hey! Our editor's talking! GLENN: He's your boyfriend, not mine. PARIS: That has yet to be determined. RORY [To Glenn]: You're particularly sassy today. GLENN: I know. It must be my new glasses prescription. DOYLE: I need all of you to hand in a hard copy of your stories in addition to filing them electronically. Last week our mail server was down and we very nearly missed our deadline. Now how would that have looked? GLENN: Blank. DOYLE: Glenn! GLENN: Sorry. Mom. [He and Rory snicker.] DOYLE: New system starts today. [Rory sees Marty through the window and gets up to go talk to him.] I want all articles in hard copy on my desk - where are you going? RORY: I'll be right back. DOYLE: I'm talking! RORY: And very well, might I add. DOYLE: Gilmore! RORY: Doyle, I could be back by now! YALE CAMPUS - OUTSIDE THE NEWSPAPER OFFICE [Marty is buying a coffee. Rory comes outside.] RORY: Now that's a manly sized cup of coffee. MARTY: Uh, yeah. I, uh, I worked late, and I had a paper and I didn't get a lot of sleep - RORY: Marty, you never have to apologize for a huge cup of coffee to me. MARTY: Right. I know. [He turns and starts walking away. Rory stays with him.] RORY: So you've been pretty busy lately, huh? MARTY: Uh, yes. RORY: Working a lot? MARTY: Yes. RORY: Studying a lot? MARTY: Yes. RORY: So that's probably why I haven't seen you very much. MARTY: Yes. Probably. RORY: I missed you. A lot. MARTY: Well, I'm sure you've been a little busy yourself. RORY: I guess. Hey listen, are you working this weekend? MARTY: Uh, no. RORY: Great, because I was thinking. It's been ages since we've had a good hangout night. MARTY: Oh, well - RORY: We could watch DVD's, order food. Oh, I just got the new Marx Brothers box set. You love the Marx Brothers, Duck Soup! MARTY: I don't know if I can - RORY: Did you hear me? I just said Duck Soup. MARTY: Rory - RORY: We could watch them all. You know, start early. Make a major marathon thing out of it. Just us. We haven't done this in a long time. Please? MARTY: Okay. Sounds good. RORY: Really? Oh, great! [She gives him a hug.] Okay, so on Saturday? Three-ish? MARTY: Three-ish it is. RORY: Excellent. Really. Okay, I have to get back, and you have a lot of coffee to drink. So I'll see you Saturday. MARTY: See you Saturday. RORY [heading back inside]: Okay! [Marty smiles and keeps walking.] LUKE'S DINER [Luke serves Andrew his meal.] ANDREW: Hey Luke, great boat you got out there. LUKE: Oh, yeah. Thanks. ANDREW: Are you selling it, or [he covers one eye with his hand and talks in a pirate voice] is it some kind of seafood promotion? LUKE: I don't want to talk about it! ANDREW [mumbling]: Good thing you parked it right outside the diner, then. LUKE: What? ANDREW [coughs]: Nothing. Nothing. [Lulu enters with a little boy. Luke is wiping a table.] LULU: Go on. He's right over there. [The boy stands very near to Luke but says nothing. Luke finishes wiping the table and suddenly notices him.] LUKE: Geez, kid! Don't just stand there, you'll give me a heart attack. [He takes a plate behind the counter, and when he turns around, the boy is standing at the counter looking at him.] LUKE: Hey. BRADLEY: Mr. Danes. LUKE: Yeah, speak up, there, kid. We've got a bit of a height difference here. BRADLEY: I need to ask you something. LUKE: Bathrooms are in the back. They're for customers only, so you have to order something. You want to order something? [Bradley shakes his head.] You want to use the bathroom? [Bradley shakes his head again.] Well then what do you want? [Bradley starts sucking on his inhaler.] What are you doing? What's he doing? LULU: Don't worry. This always happens when he's terrified. LUKE: What the hell is he terrified of? LULU: Bradley, would you like me to tell him for you? [Bradley nods.] Okay. Luke. LUKE: Why's he doing that? LULU: Oh, he's fine. LUKE: He doesn't look fine. LULU: Luke. Luke! [She snaps her fingers] Eyes on me! Eyes on me. Thank you. Now, as you know, I teach third grade over at the elementary school. And our production of Fiddler on the Roof is on Saturday. And Bradley here is in charge of set design. Right, Bradley? [Bradley nods.] So, he just wanted to come here and tell you that he will need you at the school tomorrow at three o'clock. And please bring your own tools. Okay? You did that very well, Bradley! LUKE: What are you talking about? LULU: I thought Bradley was very clear. LUKE: What do you mean, he needs me at the school tomorrow? He needs me at the school to do what? LULU: To help build the sets. LUKE: I'm not going to help build any sets. LULU: But - LUKE: I have a diner to run. I don't have time to build any sets. LULU: But Lorelai signed you up weeks ago. LUKE: She did? LULU: Yes, she did. She signed you up to build the sets and she signed herself up to make the costumes. LUKE: Oh, I must have forgot about that. LULU: Yeah. I know you two are having a little trouble, I mean, I saw the boat. But I figured since it was for the kids you'd still be willing to help. LUKE: Lorelai's still making the costumes? LULU: Oh, of course she is. A lot of the parents are helping out, with costumes, make-up, lighting, programs - LUKE: But you've spoken to her recently, and she's going to be there, making the costumes? LULU: Look, Luke. If it's going to be too hard for you to be in the same space as Lorelai, I totally - LUKE: No, it's fine. I'll be there. LULU: You sure? LUKE: Yeah, I mean, if other people are going to be helping out, I might as well, you know. It's for the kids - I'll see you tomorrow at three, right? BRADLEY: With your tools. LUKE: With my tools. LULU: That's great. Thank you, Luke. The kids'll be thrilled. LUKE: Well, that's what matters, right? LULU: Let's go, Bradley. BRADLEY: I hope he's not late. LULU: Oh, I hope so too. [They exit.] DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN [Lorelai enters, carrying a large bag. Sookie is sitting at the table.] SOOKIE: No more pork! LORELAI: Finally, something to put on our business card. SOOKIE: I'm tired of it. I am out of interesting ways to serve it and I'm not buying it anymore. LORELAI: Hmm. SOOKIE: I want another other white meat. LORELAI: Mugsy raised the price on you again, huh? SOOKIE: That pig-hoarding b*st*rd. LORELAI: Well, cut it out for a month. I bet he comes around. SOOKIE: I guess. Ooo, what's in the bag? [Lorelai opens the bag and displays its contents.] And that is - LORELAI: A bag of Santa beards. SOOKIE: Naturally. LORELAI: I need twenty-five dark beards for Fiddler on the Roof. I drove to four different towns and six different costume shops and this is all I could find. Apparently Lieberman's the only Jew in Connecticut. [Sookie giggles] Hey, can I borrow some tea? SOOKIE: Why? LORELAI: I thought I'd use it to dye them. SOOKIE: Oh, very clever. Up on the shelf. LORELAI: Thanks. SOOKIE: So, other than the great beard search, how was your morning? LORELAI: Fine. SOOKIE: Yeah? Good! So, what route did you take to work today? LORELAI: Oh, the usual. You know, Main Street to Oak and then a sharp starboard turn at the marina and four nautical miles to the Inn. SOOKIE: You saw it. LORELAI: Oh, yeah. SOOKIE: Rats. LORELAI: I saw the back of the boat driving from Weston's, I saw the front of the boat from the bank and then I went upstairs to the post office and I got a nice aerial shot of the boat. Basically I took the White House tour of the boat. SOOKIE: I can't believe Luke did this. I mean, what was he thinking? LORELAI: I don't know. SOOKIE: When did he come get it? LORELAI: Beats me. I didn't notice it gone when I left this morning, so - SOOKIE: Did he tell you he was going to take it? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: Well, I think that stinks. He's a jerk for pulling something like that. LORELAI: It's his boat. He can do what he wants with it. SOOKIE: Not if it's something mean. He can't. LORELAI: Well, I caused the situation in the first place. I bought the boat. I put it in my garage. SOOKIE: I know, but he broke your heart and now he's rubbing your face in it. LORELAI: Geez, I sound pathetic. SOOKIE: I know! LORELAI: Look, Sookie, please. You don't have to be mad at Luke. Okay? You don't have to hate him. SOOKIE: Oh, I don't mind hating him. LORELAI: I appreciate that, but I don't really want to talk about it anymore. [She picks up the bag of beards.] SOOKIE: Where are you going? Did I drive you out? I'm sorry! I'll stop talking about it. LORELAI: No, it's fine. I'm fine, I just have stuff to do. I have costumes to make and beards to convert, so I'll see you later. SOOKIE: Okay. [Lorelai leaves.] LORELAI'S HOUSE - NIGHT [She pulls the Jeep into the driveway. She walks over to the empty garage. She shakes her head and heads into the house.] STARS HOLLOW ELEMENTARY SCHOOL [Lulu is talking to two boys on the stage. Luke walks uncertainly around the curtain.] LULU: Hey, Luke! We are so glad you to see you. BRADLEY: You're ten minutes late. LUKE: Yeah, uh, sorry about that. Hey, I brought my tools. LULU: Great. Well, this is Damon. LUKE: Hey there Damon. DAMON: My mother's a lesbian. LUKE: Oh. [Pause] I brought my tools. LULU: And you remember your supervisor, Bradley. LUKE: Yeah, Bradley. Nice to see you again, Bradley. LULU: Well, you boys should get started. I'll be right over here if you need my help. Have fun! LUKE: So, where do we get started, men? BRADLEY: First we have to build Tevye's house. LUKE: Okay, we can do that. BRADLEY: There's plans for the house over here. LUKE: Uh, yeah. Show me the plans. [Bradley runs off to get the plans.] DAMON: Do you know any lesbians? LUKE: Uh, uh, sure, I do. DAMON: How many? LUKE: Three, maybe four. DAMON: Maybe four? LUKE: Well, waiting on confirmation. DAMON: I like lesbians. LUKE: Yeah, they're, they're swell. BRADLEY: Here are the plans. LUKE: Okay, let's see what we got. [Luke looks at the plans.] All right. Looks pretty simple. Looks like the boards are already cut. Okay, let's get started. Uh, everyone grab a Philips-head screwdriver. [The boys dig around in a box.] Okay, once you have your screwdriver - what are you holding? Bradley, that's a hammer. BRADLEY: It is? LUKE: Damon, that's tape. DAMON: Oh. LUKE: I can't believe this. No one ever taught you what a Philips-head screwdriver is? DAMON: My mother's a lesbian. LUKE: Uh-huh, okay. Come here. See, this is a Philips-head screwdriver. And this is a flathead screwdriver. See, 'cause it's got a - DAMON and BRADLEY: Flat head! LUKE: Yes, exactly. Now, we need a Philips-head screwdriver, so go ahead and find that, and we'll get started. Okay? Hurry up, we get done by five, beers are on me. [Damon and Bradley go back to digging through the box. A woman enters the backstage area.] CARRIE: Well, well, well, look who Santa stuffed in my stocking. LUKE: Yeah, Carrie. What a surprise. CARRIE: Isn't life a scream? My God, you look fantastic. Breakups agree with Luke Danes. Give me a hug. [She throws herself on him, he looks uncomfortable.] LUKE: Yeah, easy there, kids are here. CARRIE [breathy]: So, how are you? I heard all about it. I tell you, that Lorelai is out of her mind. I mean, that's apparent from the outfits alone, but to let one of the last real He-Men go free, she should up that dosage, baby. LUKE: Carrie, what are you doing here? CARRIE: Oh, I'm the director, isn't that fabulous? Jenny got me into it. LUKE: Jenny is your - CARRIE: My youngest, she's seven. [Hushed] God help her, the spitting image of her father. LUKE: Yeah, where is she? CARRIE: Oh, she's hiding under a chair somewhere. She's so odd, that girl. She's always hiding from me. LUKE: Yeah, crazy. Anyway, I gotta build Tevye's house, here. CARRIE: Oh, I have to get rehearsals started anyway. It's good to see you Luke, we'll have to catch up later. LUKE: Yeah, sure, we sure will, Carr. [She goes out onto the stage. Bradley and Damon rejoin Luke.] Don't you ever leave me alone with her again! [They nod.] CARRIE: Okay, kids. I need my cast right here in the middle of the stage. Everybody, let's gather right here. KIRK: Hey, Luke. You're helping out here? LUKE: Oh, yeah. Sets. How about you? KIRK: I'm playing Tevye. LUKE: You're - CARRIE: Come on, kids. Chop, chop. KIRK: Excuse me, my director's calling. CARRIE: Okay, now, before we start rehearsal, I just want to ask, has anybody seen Jenny? [They all shake their heads.] CARRIE: Okay, never mind. Now, I need to remind you that I need to know whose mommies and daddies are going to be coming to the show. [Damon waves his hand.] Yes, Damon, I know your mommy's a lesbian, but is she coming to the show? [Damon nods.] Okay, great. And everyone else, I need to know so I can issue your tickets. [Kirk puts up his hand.] Yes, Kirk. KIRK: My mother's going to be in Florida. CARRIE: Okay, fine. Everybody else, tell me or Miss Kuschner by the end of the day. Now before we start, does anybody have to go potty? [Several kids, and Kirk, put up their hands.] Well, go now and go fast, we have a lot of work to do. KIRK: I'll just be two minutes and then it's L'Chaim to Life. [The kids, and Kirk, run off.] LUKE: Hey, Lulu? LULU: Yes? LUKE: I was just wondering, where are all the other tall people? LULU: Excuse me? LUKE: You know, other people to help out with the lighting, the makeup, the costumes. LULU: Oh, they'll be here. They all come in at different times. LUKE: Okay, I was just asking. No biggie. [Kirk and the kids come running back from the bathrooms.] KIRK: I'm here! I'm done, I flushed. CARRIE: Good boy, Kirk! Okay, everyone take your places for the top of the show! LUKE [To Lulu]: What is Kirk doing in the play? LULU: Oh, we couldn't find a boy who could handle the part. LUKE: But it's an elementary school play. How hard could the part be? LULU: Tevye is a very demanding role. LUKE: But - LULU: We looked and looked. We even opened up auditions to the scary extension school kids, but nothing. And you know, we had a terrible experience last year when we did Jesus Christ Superstar. LUKE: Oh, yeah. LULU: Jesus was allergic to peanuts and stuffed one up his nose and broke out in terrible hives during intermission. The second act was all Judas and Pontius Pilate - pure disaster. We had to refund money, it was a nightmare. So this year, we went with a ringer. [She looks lovingly at Kirk, who has started rehearsing.] KIRK: A fiddler on the roof? Sounds crazy, no? LUKE: Oh, boy, does it. LORELAI'S HOUSE [Sookie gets out of her car.] SOOKIE: I got 'em! I'm here! LORELAI [from the garage]: Oh, great. Get in here. SOOKIE: I got all the glue and glitter they had. LORELAI [reading a design magazine]: Perfect. SOOKIE: So, what are you thinking here? LORELAI: I don't know. Something colorful, or something peaceful. You know, it could be a Zen sort of space, or a yoga studio. Drew Barrymore has one. SOOKIE: Oh, and she looks very calm. LORELAI: Yeah. I just want it to be a special all-me alone place. Here, look in this for ideas. SOOKIE: Ooo, classic Hollywood homes. LORELAI: Oh, and look what I found. SOOKIE: A disco ball! Where'd you find a disco ball? LORELAI: In my closet. SOOKIE: Wow. [Her cell phone rings.] LORELAI: I should have done this years ago. SOOKIE [answering her phone]: Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] [The scene cuts between Lorelai's garage and the front desk at the Dragonfly, where Michel is cleaning his pants with a lint roller.] MICHEL: I heard a noise in the kitchen. SOOKIE: What kind of noise? MICHEL: A 'bam', or a 'clang'. Possibly a 'crash'. It might have a 'wham' or a 'kapow'. SOOKIE: Well, did you go check it out? MICHEL [Running the lint roller over the top of the computer monitor]: Excuse me, I'm extremely busy. Someone here has to work, I mean, the two of you just run off to do your little decorating project and you leave me here alone. SOOKIE: Michel! Did you actually hear a noise? MICHEL: Of course I heard a noise. It was a 'thwap' or a 'vroom'. SOOKIE: Gotta go, Michel. [She hangs up.] Oy. LORELAI: What's a matter? SOOKIE: Apparently Batman's attacking the inn. LORELAI: Hmm. [She holds up a shimmering gold fabric.] Hey, Moulin Rouge, what do you think? Jeweled elephant in one corner, Ewan McGregor in the other. SOOKIE: Ooo, sounds yummy. [Her phone rings again. She answers it.] What, Michel? MICHEL: I'm smelling something very funny coming from the kitchen. Could be a pungent cheese, could be arson. Should I call the firemen to come, or should I just fetch some crackers? [Lorelai and Sookie roll their eyes at each other.] YALE DORMS - RORY'S COMMON ROOM [Rory is setting up bowls on the table. Doyle enters.] DOYLE: Ah, Rory. Good. I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you about something. [He tosses his keys and jacket on the chair.] I think we need to discuss the incident at the Daily News the other day. [He grabs a soda out of the fridge.] RORY: What incident, Doyle? DOYLE: We were in the middle of a meeting. I, your editor, was talking, and suddenly, without warning, you flew out of the room. RORY: I was gone for five minutes, Doyle. DOYLE: Yes, but the very fact that you felt comfortable enough to leave signals a big problem. RORY: I had to talk to a friend. [Doyle sits down on the couch and takes off his shoes.] DOYLE: This is a matter of respect, Rory. Respect for the paper, respect for me. Frankly, respect for yourself. [He takes off his sock.] RORY: Doyle - DOYLE: I have a pebble in my shoe. Damn thing's been driving me crazy all day long. [He pulls the pebble from the sock and places it on the table. Rory looks disgusted.] Anyhow, where was I? RORY: My lack of respect for you. DOYLE: Yes, good, thank you. You have to remember that this is college. You're dealing with real life here. You have to start developing boundaries between your work and your personal life. RORY: Doyle! DOYLE: What? RORY: Your sock is on my coffee table! DOYLE: Just for a second. RORY: You want to talk about boundaries? You are here every day. You eat my food. You drink my soda. You have a key and you don't even live here. DOYLE: Paris said 'mi casa su casa'. RORY: Great. Well, Paris' casa is right in there, so go in or get lost, because I have company coming, and I don't want the first thing he sees when he walks in to be your feet or your face. DOYLE: But - but I'm your editor. RORY: Out! And take your pebble with you! DOYLE [grumbling while collecting his things]: Bet Woodward and Bernstein never tossed Ben Bradley out of their room. RORY: Ben Bradley kept his shoes on! [She slams the door.] LORELAI'S GARAGE [Michel is up on a ladder, painting. Lorelai and Sookie are sitting and watching.] MICHEL: I don't know if anyone's noticed, but suddenly I am the only one working. SOOKIE: You're right, no one noticed. MICHEL: My arm is cramping up. LORELAI: We offered to take over, Michel. MICHEL: These stencils are antiques. They've been handed down from generation to generation of Girards. No one touches these stencils but me. SOOKIE: Okay. MICHEL: The fumes are making me sick. LORELAI: Oh, my God, you had a fit to be included, and you've done nothing but complain since you got here. MICHEL: I did not have a fit to be included. I have a life. I have plenty of friends. And I dare you to find anyone who has a larger collection of techno and world music than I do. Feel that I need nothing from either one of you. LORELAI [To Sookie]: Poor Michel. MICHEL: No, do not 'poor Michel' me. No. SOOKIE: Well, I have to say, for only a few hours' work, this place looks pretty snazzy. MICHEL [climbs down from the ladder]: Ah, I have finished with this wall. SOOKIE: Super, three more to go. MICHEL: Well, yes. Sometimes doing one wall makes it the focal point, the place of interest. LORELAI: All four walls, Michel. MICHEL: You tricked me into this. LORELAI: Just like Tom Sawyer. SOOKIE: So, what do you think? Is it turning into exactly what you had in mind? Your special, all-you, alone place? LORELAI [sadly]: Yeah. It sure is. YALE DORMS - HALLWAY [Marty, carrying trays of hors d'oeuvres, knocks on Rory's door. She opens the door wearing a white curly wig and a top hat.] RORY: What's up, Doc? MARTY: What's up Doc? RORY: Well, Harpo doesn't talk, so there's no catch phrase. MARTY: Well, then, do Groucho. RORY: Everybody does Groucho. Come in! MARTY [looking around] I like what you've done with the place. [Rory has set up Marx brothers posters on easels around the common room.] RORY: Well, it's all about the vibe. What'd you bring? MARTY: Just some leftovers from the Cartina engagement party. RORY: I told you I would take car of the food. MARTY: And I see you did. RORY: Pretzels of the world. San Francisco sourdough, German pumpernickel, chocolate covered Swiss, and the wasabi bites are very intriguing. I also ordered a pizza before you got here. MARTY: Okay, well, at least we got the food part covered. RORY: Yes, we do. Sit, sit, sit. [They sit. There is an awkward silence for a moment.] MARTY: You going to stay like that all night? RORY: Oh, no. Sorry. [She takes off the wig and hat.] MARTY: I mean, you can. RORY: No, it's okay. MARTY: I mean, it works for you. RORY: No, I'm good. [Another awkward pause.] I guess we should start the movie. MARTY: Okay. [She turns it on. They sit uncomfortably watching the movie.] RORY: Wasabi nugget? MARTY: Thanks. [He grabs a handful, without looking, and shoves them in his mouth. A horrified look crosses his face.] RORY [concerned]: You in a little bit of pain there? MARTY [mouth full]: Uh-huh. Much, much more than a little! RORY: Well, don't worry! Your mouth will get numb in about a minute. MARTY [mouth full]: I'm really looking forward to that. RORY: How about a soda? MARTY [mouth full]: That would be terrific, thanks. [Rory rushes over to the fridge, as Paris enters the dorm, hurrying to pack a bag.] PARIS: Oh, thank you very much for kicking my undefined sexual male partner out of the room that we share. RORY: I had company coming, Paris. PARIS: You insulted him, you demeaned him. You mad him feel unwelcome. RORY: He was unwelcome. PARIS: And now, thanks to you, he refuses to come back here which means I have to spend the night over at his place with his three roommates! The place is a health violation. Things grow on the windowsill without the help of pots or soil and there is the faint aroma of sweat socks and starter cologne lingering in the air at all times, and yes! I have to bring my own toilet paper over there because it is a third world country. Thank you! Very, very much! [Paris storms out of the dorm. Rory heads back to the couch with a soda for Marty.] MARTY: God, I missed this place. [They lean back on the couch.] STARS HOLLOW ELEMENTARY SCHOOL [Luke is backstage. The construction is well underway.] LUKE: Now that is a counter-sunk screw, Damon. Good man. Your lesbian mother will be proud. [The boys run off. Luke grabs Lulu as she walks by.] LUKE: Oh, hey. Lulu. It's a big day, you know? LULU: I know. It's so exciting. LUKE: Yeah. But, uh, I'm still wondering where the other adults are. LULU: They'll be here. LUKE: Yeah, you've been saying that for days and I'm still the only person in here that doesn't have to hang his sheets out the window in the morning. LULU: I don't understand. LUKE: They wet their beds, Lulu. LULU: Oh, right. Well, I promise you, Luke. By tonight, there'll be lots of grownups here for you to talk to. LUKE: It's not about having someone to talk to, it's - KIRK: Luke, we've got a problem. LUKE: Yeah, what is it, Kirk? KIRK: Well, this dairy cart you made me - LUKE: What's wrong with it? KIRK [lifting the handles]: It pulls too easily and the wheel doesn't wobble. LUKE: So what? KIRK: Well, it's too good. You built me a twenty-first century dairy cart. LUKE: There's no such thing as a twenty-first century dairy cart. KIRK: Exactly. Look, Tevye's a poor man. You've heard the song. LUKE: Yes, I've heard the song, Kirk. KIRK: Okay, so he's poor. He's tired. He's suffering, and his horse is lame. His life is hard, so pulling this cart should be hard. LUKE: You're an actor. Pretend it's hard. KIRK: I'm not that kind of actor. For my type of work, it has to be legitimately hard. [Luke kicks the cart and breaks the wheel.] LUKE: There you go. Remember to thank me in your acceptance speech. [Luke leaves.] KIRK: Thank you, Luke. [He tries to push the cart. He seems impressed.] Hey, this is impossible! CARRIE: All right, kids, break's over! Kirk, let's take it from the last part of your first monologue. All right, places, everyone! [The kids run to their places in the wings.] And - music. [The music starts.] KIRK: Because of our traditions, we've kept our balance for many, many years. Here, in Anatevka, we have traditions for everything. How to eat, how to sleep, how to wear clothes. For instance, we always keep our heads covered, and always wear a little prayer shawl. This shows our constant devotion to God. You may ask, how did this tradition start? I'll tell you. I don't know. But it's a tradition. [The kids start dancing onto the stage.] KIRK: Because of our traditions, everyone knows who he is and what God expects him to do. [They start singing.] EVERYONE: Who, day and night, must scramble for a living? Feed his wife and children? Say his daily prayers? And who has the right, as master of the house, to have the final word at home. The papa, the papa! Tradition! The papa, the papa! Tradition! [They start dancing around again. A girl stumbles a little.] LUKE [rushing onto the stage]: Hey, she tripped! Yente tripped! KIRK: Damn it! I was feeling it, people! I was feeling it! LULU: Anna, honey, are you okay? LUKE: No, she's not okay! She tripped! CARRIE: She's fine, Luke. LUKE: How would you know if she's fine? Your kid's under a chair somewhere. LULU: Luke - LUKE: Her costume doesn't fit. LULU: We'll fix it before the show! LUKE: It should've been fixed by now! I mean, this shouldn't have happened! There were supposed to be other adults here! This is ridiculous! This is completely unacceptable! [He storms off the stage.] KIRK: He takes his work very seriously. I mean it. Just try and pull this cart. LORELAI'S GARAGE [Luke's truck pulls into the driveway. He slams the door of his truck as he gets out. Lorelai is putting appliqué flowers on the wall. Luke approaches her.] LUKE: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. Luke, what are you - LUKE: Yente tripped! LORELAI: What? LUKE: She tripped, just as she was heading out to tell Avram about Ruchel. LORELAI: The shoemaker's daughter? LUKE: Yeah, she's trying to fix him up with Avram's son. LORELAI: She's almost blind, she can hardly see. LUKE: Hey, I am not doing a bit with you here. The kid tripped, because her dress was too long! LORELAI: Okay, is she hurt? LUKE: Of course she's not hurt, but she completely blew her entrance. All the people of Anatevka are standing around with their goats, she tripped and they have to reset the goats! LORELAI: Luke - LUKE: And if you were there where you were supposed to be, her costume would've fit, and Yente wouldn't have tripped. LORELAI [getting mad]: What do you mean, where I was supposed to be? LUKE: You're making the costumes. At least that's the rumor. I'm making the sets, and I'm there. LORELAI: Yeah. I am making the costumes. I'm making the costumes here and then I'm bringing them there when they are done. LUKE: Oh, sure. A likely story. LORELAI: Hey, what is your problem? LUKE: My problem is that I'm spending the day teaching a bunch of kids to use tools which won't properly fit in their hands for another eight to ten years, because you signed me up to do it, and then you're not even there when you're supposed to be! LORELAI: Well, you could've said no. LUKE: I could've said no. Have you tried saying no to Bradley when he's got a giant inhaler shoved in his mouth? LORELAI: No. LUKE: Well you can't! [He notices the decorated garage.] What the hell am I looking at? LORELAI: It's my new special alone space. LUKE: Oh, yeah? Well, you got a whole house of special alone space. LORELAI [hurt]: Not like this. LUKE: So, what, are you going to hang out in your garage, now? LORELAI: I don't know, maybe! I mean, why not? It's not like I have a boat that needs storage, or anything! LUKE: You could park your car in here. LORELAI: I never park my car in here! I have never, ever parked my car in here, Luke! And you know that! But I come home to this big, huge, suddenly empty space, and I thought I would try to do something nice, so it wasn't just a giant hole of depression sitting out here! LUKE: I thought I was doing you a favor. LORELAI: Oh, please. LUKE: I did! LORELAI: Well, gee, thanks a lot. LUKE: It's your garage! LORELAI: Whatever. LUKE: I mean, what was I supposed to do, leave the thing in here forever? LORELAI: Oh, no. Absolutely not. Much better to sneak it out of here and park it in front of the diner like a giant "they broke up" billboard for the whole town to see. LUKE: I didn't mean it like that. LORELAI: Well, how did you mean it, Luke? LUKE: I can't believe you're mad at me for getting my boat out of your garage! LORELAI: I'm not mad at you for getting your boat out of my garage. I'm mad at you for the way you got the boat out of my garage. LUKE: What, did I ruin the lawn? LORELAI: You didn't even call me, Luke. You didn't leave a message or a note or anything. You just snuck in and took it, and I got to come home and find it gone. Although, I didn't come home and find it gone! I drove by the diner and assumed it was gone! You know what, it doesn't matter. 'Cause it's done. We're done. It's fine. I'm not mad. LUKE: I can tell. LORELAI: Well, I have dresses to make, so I'll see you at the theater. [She walks to the house.] [Luke shakes his head.] YALE DORMS - RORY'S COMMON ROOM [Rory and Marty are watching a movie. They appear much more comfortable than they were. Rory's legs are in Marty's lap.] MARTY: I am going to say something that will upset possibly everyone in the entire world. RORY: Wow. MARTY: I thought the I Love Lucy episode with Harpo Marx was lame. RORY [gasps]: Get out. MARTY: There's no way Harpo even for a second would have believed he was looking in a mirror. And the last time they made that 'popping up from behind the partition' move, Lucy was totally slower than him. RORY: You've carried this with you for a very long time. MARTY: I mean, we had to believe a lot during those Hollywood shows. Dori Shary just happened to be hanging out in their pool. And I'm sorry, I was totally with Lucy when Ricky took those women to the premiere of his movie. What an ass. RORY: You've got to stop watching I Love Lucy. [They hear someone knock on the door.] MARTY: Oh, man, I hope that's Paris. Maybe she and Doyle had a fight. That would be great. RORY [getting up]: There's so much darkness under this bosom buddies exterior of yours. [She opens the door.] LOGAN: Hello stranger. RORY: Hi. You're back. LOGAN: Just rolled in. RORY: So, how was it? Was it fun? LOGAN: No, very dull. Let's not talk about it. We're all going to China Palace for food. Grab your coat, let's go. RORY: Oh, um. I can't. LOGAN: What? Sure you can. Come on. I missed you, let me buy you a fortune cookie. RORY: I kind of have company. LOGAN: Really, anyone I know? [He looks in over Rory's shoulder. Marty stands up.] Hey, Marty, good to see you. MARTY: Uh, yeah. You too. LOGAN: Well, you come too. The more the merrier. RORY: Oh, well - LOGAN: Come on, Marty. If you're going to be hanging with Ace like this, it's time I get to know you without a waiter's uniform on. Let's go. Car's waiting outside. [He leaves.] RORY: We do not have to go. MARTY: But you want to. RORY: No. Well, I mean, if you do. But you don't, so forget it. MARTY: Uh, it's cool. Let's go. RORY: Really? Are you sure? Because you don't look sure. MARTY: Sure. I'm sure. Car's waiting outside. RORY: Okay. But if we get bored, or if Dori Shary happens to be there then we bail. MARTY: Deal. RORY: Okay, I'll get my coat. [Marty takes a deep breath.] CHINA PALACE [The group is laughing and talking.] LOGAN: I swear, I thought he was never going to wake up. COLIN: If I knew the hangover was going to last that long I wouldn't have. ROSEMARY: There's nothing like a 'you wouldn't believe how drunk I was' story to get the girls all hot. COLIN: It always worked before. JULIET: Oh, God, the smell of this food is making me ill. RORY: Mmm, I think it's delicious. JULIET: How can you eat like that? ROSEMARY: Juliet hasn't eaten a meal since 1994. JULIET: My metabolism simply doesn't accept food. LOGAN: Yes, that must be it. A modern medical miracle. May I? [He pours some of his beer into Rory's glass.] RORY: Sure. Hey, Marty, do you want some beer? LOGAN: Here you go, man. I got you. [He pours.] MARTY: Thanks. FINN: Rosemary's going home with me tonight. I just thought everyone at this table should know. ROSEMARY: Oh, Finn, you do hallucinate. JULIET: Are you going to eat that fried shrimp? RORY: I think I am. JULIET: Oh, God, can I watch? LOGAN: Juliet, just eat something! JULIET: No! I am not eating until I get married to some gorgeous but very poor man who will sign an iron-clad pre-nup and get very, very fat, but he won't ever leave me because he would be cut off without a penny and die in a trailer park. FINN: My God, that is brilliant. ROSEMARY: That is sick. FINN: I agree with anything Rosemary says tonight. ROSEMARY: Not going home with you, Finn. [Logan starts twirling Rory's hair.] COLIN: You know where they had the best Chinese food in the world? This tiny little place outside of Zugerberg. LOGAN: Aw, Zugerberg. FINN: The golden days of Zugerberg. MARTY: What's Zugerberg? COLIN: Zugerberg is the boarding school I went to in Switzerland. RORY: Really? COLIN: Yep. Grade seven through twelve. RORY: Wow. Living in Switzerland? That sounds exciting. MARTY: Boarding school. Man, that must've sucked. COLIN: Sucked? Are you kidding? Those are the greatest days of my life. Oh my God, the partying that went on there. Insane. LOGAN: I did a year at Andover. Not bad. MARTY: So you didn't miss your home, your family? COLIN: My family? Did I miss my family? [chuckling] Logan, did I miss my family? LOGAN: Huh, let's see. Which mom were you on then? COLIN: I believe it was the blonde. LOGAN: Ah, yes. FINN: She was hot. COLIN: You didn't know her, Finn. FINN: All your mothers have been hot, Colin. COLIN: No, Marty, I didn't miss my family. [They all laugh.] STARS HOLLOW ELEMENTARY SCHOOL [The play is going on.] BOY: Tevye. I suppose you know why I've come to see you. KIRK: Yes, I do, Rabbi Lazar, but there's no use talking about it. BOY: Why not? KIRK: Why yes? Why should I get rid of her? BOY: Well, you have a few more without her. KIRK: I see. Today you want one, tomorrow you may want two. [BACKSTAGE, Lorelai is fixing a costume.] LORELAI [hushed]: Hold still, hold still. Looks good. There you go. Now, no more bottle butting till the show's over. [Luke brings out a chair and gives it to a child.] LUKE: Here you go, Paulie. Sneak that out there when they start dancing. [ONSTAGE] KIRK: Why is it so important to you? BOY: Frankly, because I'm lonesome. KIRK: Lonesome? What are you talking about? BOY: You don't know? KIRK: We're talking about my new cow! The one you want to buy from me. [BACKSTAGE, Carrie has approached Luke. She stands next to him and pinches his butt.] LUKE [threatening]: I've got a hammer. CARRIE: Oh, I know you do. [ONSTAGE] BOY: A milk cow? So I won't get lonesome? [laughs] KIRK: What's so funny? BOY: I was talking about your daughter. [BACKSTAGE, Luke and Lorelai look at each other. They each seem about to say something. Lulu hurries over.] LULU: I need that schwanza. LORELAI: Oh, I got it. I got it. LULU: Sarah - where'd Sarah go? LORELAI: Relax, we'll find her. [Lorelai goes with Lulu.] CHINA PALACE [They are finished eating.] LOGAN: Okay, the night's young. Where are we going next? RORY: I don't think I can move. JULIET: You're full? RORY: I'm full. JULIET: Is it fabulous? RORY: You know, Juliet, it doesn't suck. FINN: Let's go to the Alligator Lounge. LOGAN: Yes. Perfect. Zydeco music. You'll love this place. RORY: Well, I - LOGAN: What do you say, Marty? You up for a little Cajun craziness? MARTY: Uh, I - COLIN: Okay. I got it. Everybody owes seventy-five bucks. Pony up, please, so we can get the hell out of here. MARTY: Seventy-five? LOGAN [to Rory]: I got you. RORY: Okay. [to Marty] Are you okay? Do you have enough? MARTY: Uh, I don't - LOGAN: Hey, don't sweat it, man. I can cover you, too. MARTY: No thanks. LOGAN: It's no big deal. I invited you. My treat. MARTY: It's okay. [He gets up.] I just need to find an ATM. I'll be right back. [He leaves.] RORY: Marty - COLIN: An ATM. My, how quaint. RORY: I'll be right back. LOGAN: You okay? RORY: Oh, yeah. No, I'm fine. I just - I think I remember seeing a bank across the street, so I'll go catch Marty. [She leaves. Logan glares at Colin.] CHINA PALACE - OUTSIDE [Rory comes outside. She sees Marty standing with his hands in his pockets, looking at the sidewalk.] RORY: You couldn't find an ATM? MARTY: Oh, no, there's at least six ATM's within a two block radius. And every single one of them is going to tell me that I only have eighteen dollars in my account. And then I believe they will flip me off. RORY: Well, I think some of the more reputable banks have suspended their flipping off policies. MARTY: I can't go back in there. I can't leave. So here I stand, frozen on the sidewalk. RORY: Here. I have some money. MARTY: No. RORY: Marty, just take it. MARTY: I'm not going to take your money. RORY: Well, you're not going to just stand out here for the rest of the night. MARTY: Well, why not? RORY: Because. At the very least, when all those guys come out of the restaurant, they'll see you. Come on. Please, Marty. Look, just say you found an ATM, take the money, we'll go inside, you'll hand it to the guys, and then we'll leave. You and me. MARTY: What about the Zydeco club? RORY: Well, I've never felt the need for Zydeco before in my life. No need to change that now. Come on, please? [Marty accepts the money that Rory is holding out.] MARTY: Yeah. And I thought getting pantsed at the prom was going to be the low point in my life. [Rory comforts him as they walk back inside.] STARS HOLLOW ELEMENTARY SCHOOL [The play is still going on. Kirk is onstage with his "wife". They are singing.] KIRK: Do you love me? GOLDE: Do I what? KIRK: Do you love me? GOLDE: Do I love you? With our daughters getting married, and the trouble in the town, you're upset, you're worn out, go inside, go lie down! Maybe it's indigestion. KIRK: Golde, I'm asking you a question. [Backstage, Luke is putting the finishing touches on a cart. Lorelai has just finished repairing a costume.] LUKE [to kid]: Okay, go. [They both take a moment to watch the duet.] KIRK: Do you love me? GOLDE: I'm your wife! KIRK: I know! But do you love me? GOLDE: Do I love him? For twenty-five years I've lived with him, fought with him, starved with him. Twenty-five years my bed is his. If that's not love, what is? [Backstage, Lorelai looks close to tears. She nearly glances at Luke.] KIRK: Then you love me? GOLDE: I suppose I do. KIRK: And I suppose I love you too. KIRK and GOLDE: It doesn't change a thing, but even so, after twenty-five years, it's nice to know. [Applause. Backstage, Lorelai applauds and she and Luke look at each other. They turn toward each other, as if to begin a conversation. Just then, the children rush toward the stage for the next scene, right between Luke and Lorelai. A child pulls Luke over to Kirk's dairy cart. The moment is over.] YALE CAMPUS [Marty is walking Rory home.] MARTY: I'll pay you back next weekend. RORY: Marty, please forget about it. MARTY: I work a party Saturday night. I'll pay you on Sunday. There's a possibility it may all be in ones, but - RORY [grabs his arm]: I'm really sorry about tonight. MARTY: No need to apologize. [They arrive at her door.] RORY: You want to come in? We still have a few movies left to watch. MARTY: Rory, I feel like I really need to tell you something. RORY: Okay. MARTY: Um, I know we're friends. [He smiles.] And I'm glad we're friends. But I don't want to be just friends anymore. I like you. RORY: I like - Logan. MARTY: Yeah. I figured. RORY: I don't know why. MARTY: Really? 'Cause I've got a few guesses. RORY: I'm sorry. Um, I don't know what to say. MARTY: It's okay. You don't have to say anything. RORY: Are we still friends? Please say that we're still friends. MARTY: Sure. We're still friends. RORY: Please come back in. We can watch Duck Soup again. Please? MARTY: I don't really want to watch Duck Soup right now, Rory. I really like Duck Soup, so I really don't want to associate it with this particular night. RORY: I understand. MARTY: Yeah. [He sighs and heads up the stairs. He stops halfway.] I'll pay you back next weekend. RORY: Okay. [Rory watches him continue up the stairs.] YALE DORMS - RORY'S BEDROOM - LATER [Rory is lying in bed. She hears a knocking on the window. She puts her book away, gets up and opens the blinds. It is Logan. She opens the window.] LOGAN: Hey. RORY: Hey. LOGAN: Can I? [He gestures inside.] RORY: Yeah, sure. [Logan climbs in the window and closes it.] LOGAN: Huh. That move always seems cooler in the movies. RORY: No, I think you maneuver your way through a window quite gracefully. LOGAN: Thank you. RORY: I assume you've had practice. LOGAN: No, first time. RORY: I'm sure. [He strokes her arm.] So, how was the Zydeco music? LOGAN: Ah, I left when Finn jumped in on vocals. RORY: Excellent self-preservational instinct. LOGAN: I just wanted to make sure you got home okay. RORY: Oh, yeah, I got home okay. LOGAN: So I see. RORY: Thanks for the concern, I appreciate it. LOGAN: It wasn't all concern. RORY: Oh, really? LOGAN: No. I don't believe I said a proper goodnight to you this evening. RORY: No, you didn't. LOGAN: Good night, Ace. [They kiss.] RORY: I thought you said a proper goodnight. [She takes off his jacket as they kiss again.] LOGAN: You want to get changed into something more comfortable? RORY: More comfortable than this? LOGAN: I actually was hoping for some feetsie pajamas. RORY: Oh, now you know I'm not that kind of girl. [They kiss again, more passionately.] LOGAN: Do you want me to go? [She kisses him.] LOGAN: Rory, do you want me to go? RORY: No. LOGAN: Okay, 'cause if you think climbing in that window was hard - RORY: Shh. [She pulls him down onto the bed.]
Plan: A: Lorelai; Q: Who is still hurting from her split with Luke? A: his boat; Q: What did Luke move? A: the sets; Q: What does Luke volunteer to build for a school production of Fiddler on the Roof? A: costumes; Q: What is Lorelai doing for the school production of Fiddler on the Roof? A: their paths; Q: What does Luke hope will cross in the school production of Fiddler on the Roof? A: Yale; Q: Where does Rory plan to reconnect with Marty? A: Logan; Q: Who interrupts Rory and Marty's plans to watch Marx Brothers movies? A: their day; Q: What does Logan interrupt by inviting Rory and Marty to dinner with his group? Summary: Still smarting from her split with Luke, Lorelai is further stung when she notices that Luke has moved his boat. Meanwhile, Luke volunteers to build the sets for a school production of " Fiddler on the Roof ", knowing that Lorelai is doing costumes, in hopes that their paths will cross. Meanwhile, at Yale, Rory plans to reconnect with Marty to watch Marx Brothers movies, but Logan interrupts their day by inviting them to dinner with his group.
(Grunts) (Typing) ♪ I can't fall For this again ♪ ♪ I will try till the very end Holy days ♪ ♪ Holy nights You shook me once ♪ ♪ But you won't do it twice I should have known ♪ ♪ You wouldn't stick 'Cause you're a habit ♪ ♪ That I just can't kick So when you're done ♪ ♪ Letting me down I won't be around, no ♪ ♪ I'm moving on I'm moving on ♪ ♪ I'm moving on I'm moving on ♪ ♪ I'm moving on, baby I'm moving on ♪ ♪ Got to keep moving On, on, on... ♪ (Stomach rumbling) (Panting) (Stomach rumbling loudly) (Stomach continues rumbling) ♪ I see you walking ♪ ♪ Down the street You're picking pockets ♪ ♪ Of the ones you meet You always say ♪ ♪ You never told... ♪ (Truck creaking rhythmically) (Panting) ♪ I don't think we should So when your weight ♪ ♪ Is bringing you down I won't be around, no ♪ ♪ I'm moving on I'm moving on ♪ ♪ I'm moving on I'm moving on ♪ ♪ I'm moving on, baby I'm moving on... ♪ (Phone chimes) ♪ Got to keep moving ♪ ♪ On, on, on. ♪ ♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪ ♪ Gonna leave you anyway. ♪ ♪ Lost and you won't let it up ♪ ♪ Feeling tired... ♪ Becca: Excuse me. What the hell is Jimmy doing here? And I thought you promised you weren't gonna make your disgusting punch. Vernon: Babe, my boys expect the trash juice. Becca: Your boys? Vernon: Yeah. You know I never get to see them. Dave's got, like, a billion stupid kids, and Slider's a state senator now. It sucks. Becca: Fine, but why did you invite Jimmy? Vernon: Men stop making friends at 23. It's science. When was the last time I had any visitors to my man cave, except that zero Paul? Lindsay: Hey! Becca: Did you bring the lemons? Lindsay: Ah... Becca: I give people one job! Vernon: Hey, Linds, taste this. Becca: No, thanks. I'm actually not drinking. Psst. Becca: What? Lindsay: Listen, I never told Paul about what I told you at yoga. Becca: You promised! Lindsay: I'm snowballing here, sis. It's like that time you guys had that intervention for me right after semester at sea. Becca: You know what, Linds? Your cockaholism may be just about the least important thing in the world to me right now. I need this party to go off without a hitch. It's a big deal. Vernon: You sure? Lindsay: Maybe just a sip. Vernon: Just have a sip. Here you go. Becca: Well... I didn't know you'd be coming. Jimmy: Can we do this later? I have to find Gretchen. Becca: Oh, did that idiot invite her, too? I'm actually glad you're here. Jimmy: Why? You're gonna try and have s*x with me again? Becca: It was a momentary lapse of sanity. So, thank you for... going against your animal instincts towards me. Jimmy: My animal instinct is to run into traffic. Becca: Oh, come on, Jimmy. We both know I could have flicked off one shoe... Jimmy: Your feet are awful, Bec. Shallow nail beds, pathetic arches. I only forced myself to occasionally finish on the abominable things so you wouldn't know how repulsive they really are. Becca: Well, at least my heart isn't repulsive, Jimmy! Lindsay: Hey, you. Jimmy: Hey. Have-have you seen Gretchen? Lindsay: Remember when you started dating my sister, she and I were still living together, and I would listen through the wall and scrunch my pillow into the perfect shape? Jimmy: No! Stop. What?! Lindsay: I've had that pillow since I was 11. His name is Brandon Pointycorners. Jimmy: Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa! Have you lost your mind?! Lindsay: Come on. Just kiss me. You and Gretchen broke up. It doesn't matter. We're all gonna die. (Jimmy gasps) Oh, no. Oh, no! Gretchen! Tommy: Dude. Edgar: Oh, hey, Jimmy. This is my new roommate Nigel. Nigel, this is my old roommate. Jimmy: Hi. Do we know each other? Tommy (British accent): I don't think so. How is it, then, mate? Jimmy: You just happened to find another English roommate? Edgar: Yup. Jimmy: When did you come over? Tommy: Uh, May 2008. I was at university there studying design, but it wasn't for me. Jimmy: Dorm or apartment? Tommy: Oh, you mean flat. Dorm. Uh, Scotia Quay. Why? Do you know it? Lindsay: Gretchen! Gretchen. Ooh. Gretchen! Don't you walk away from me! Gretchen: You were trying to kiss my boy... my ex-boyfriend! What is wrong with you? Lindsay: I have a disease. Gretchen: Your only disease is that you don't love your husband. Lindsay: I'm trying to be better. Gretchen: By kissing Jimmy? You creep! ♪ Hello, my honey ♪ ♪ Hello, my ragtime gal... ♪ Lindsay: I lost my best friend. I'm losing my husband. I don't know what I want. (Shouting): Shut up, fish! ♪ And you'll be left be alone ♪ (Skipping): ♪ Be left alone Be left alone ♪ ♪ Be... left... alone... ♪ (Music stops) Lindsay: You left me behind, Gretchen, at the rapper party, in life. You always leave me behind. Gretchen: I had to figure out my own sh1t! And I can't do that with you sitting on my shoulder like some stacked cartoon devil whispering, "Take dicks, do more coke, help me destroy my marriage." Lindsay: That is really hurtful. You think I'm the devil? Gretchen: Jimmy was gonna propose to me. Lindsay: What?! Gretchen: Yeah. I found the ring. That's why I stopped seeing him. It's why I've been acting so weird. Lindsay: Oh, my God. I can't believe it. What is wrong with him? Gretchen: I know! Hey. Lindsay: Well, at least you tried with Jimmy. Gretchen: Did I really though? Part of me feels like I had one foot out the door the whole time. But, I mean, marriage? How ridiculous is that? It's so ordinary. Lindsay: I know. What's wrong with us? Are we feminists? Is this feminism? Gretchen: We're just running away from stuff. I don't think that's feminism. It's fear. Lindsay: So what are you saying? That actually trying is the brave thing? Gretchen: Maybe. Maybe buying in is really the punk rock choice. Am I considering this? Oh, my God. Lindsay: Uh-uh, bitch. Don't you leave me behind! You're not gonna be the only one trying things. I know. I'll have a baby! Gretchen: Ew! With Paul? Lindsay: Yes! Gretch, we're going to buy in. Gretchen: I think we may be growing up. Lindsay: I know. Isn't it awful? Gretchen: If you ever try to kiss Jimmy again, I will punch you in the clit. Lindsay: Deal. Jimmy: The Scotland situation, huh? Tommy: Ugh. "Stay with us, Scotland. You belong in the UK." Edgar: Mm-hmm. Jimmy: Coronation Street finally cancelled. Tommy: Jimmy, if it had been, my mum would have rung me crying, so I think that you're wrong about that one. (Laughter) Jimmy: All right. So where are you guys living? Edgar: Uh, we're over, uh... Tommy: Uh, west, uh... No. Edgar: N-Nicaragua. Tommy: Little. Little. Little. Little... Edgar: L-Little... Both: Little Nicaragua. Jimmy: I knew it! You rubbish liars. Tommy (No accent): Sorry, Edgar. I studied as hard as I could. Jimmy: Talk. Edgar: He's an actor I met a while back. Jimmy: NCIS:L.A.? Tommy: Yes! (Laughs) Thank you! Thanks. I love my fans. Well, uh, I'm gonna go mingle. Edgar: I'll-I'll come with you. Tommy: Keep watching, dude. Jimmy: Oh, of course. (Chuckles) Becca: Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. No, no one can leave yet. No, actually, guys, you... Vernon: You want a juice? Do you want a trash juice? Trash juice. Are you ready for your trash juice? Here's the rest of the vodka. I'm putting it in. Trash juice! Trash juice! Trash juice. I made so much trash juice. You guys should have some. Do I have to drink all this trash juice by myself?! Ah! Drink your juice, boys! ♪ C'est si bon She love to get it on ♪ ♪ Every time I see her I cut like coupons ♪ ♪ Yeah, Kovas is the beast Do the rap in the track ♪ ♪ Triple-double, no assists... ♪ Lindsay: There you are. Doing dishes at someone else's house. I saw this and thought of you, because you're so sweet. And because you love raisins. Even though they're disgusting failed grapes. Sorry what I said about raisins. Paul: I saw you trying to kiss Jimmy. Lindsay: What? What?! What are... what are you... Paul: I'm not stupid. I saw you. Lindsay: Come on. You're my Paullywog. Paul: Stop it. You respect me so little that you... Lindsay: Honey. Okay, honey, I know. I'm sorry, but that was before. Paul: That was half an hour ago. Lindsay: Right, before now. I... (Paul sighs) I'm so messed up. Paul: You don't need a telescope to see that. [SCENE_BREAK] (Quiet chatter) Jimmy: There you are. Hey. Right, listen... Gretchen: You listen. I know that I have issues, but it is not up to you to fix them. Jimmy: You're right. Okay, look, I massively overstepped with your parents, and nothing like that will ever happen again. Gretchen: Okay. Jimmy: Okay? Gretchen: I did not expect you to apologize so quickly. Look, I appreciate that we have a strong connection, but right now, that? That's crazytown. (Chuckles) Have I thought about it? Maybe in some abstract way way down the line, but clearly now would be bonkers. But... then I started thinking about it, and maybe we're like two pit bulls, you know? You put either with another dog, and that dog's toast. But, together, they're couch buds. They nullify the threat through mutually assured destruction. So, uh... I don't know. I mean, it's bananas, Jimmy. But, um... What I mean is, uh... Whew! I mean, the punk rock choice, Jimmy, is yes. So screw it. Why not? Yes, Jimmy. Yes. Jimmy: What are you talking about? Gretchen: I found the engagement ring in your drawer. That is why I freaked out. Jimmy: Oh... Gretchen: But then I started thinking about it, and-and the thing about pit bulls, how... Oh, God. Jimmy: Th-The ring was for Becca. Almost three years ago. I was... I was just too embarrassed to return it. D-Did you... Oh, Gretchen, don't be embarrassed. Gretchen: I sh1t myself earlier, and that is only the second most embarrassing thing that has happened to me today. Jimmy: Oh... Lindsay: (Gasps) Are you leaving? Gretchen: Yes, I cannot stay here anymore. Lindsay: You can't leave me again. I'm seriously gonna lose it. Gretchen, you have to stay. Or... I'm gonna suck that guy's dick. And that guy's dick. And definitely that guy's dick. Gretchen: Okay, okay. I'll stay. I'll stay. Why do you smell like shrimp? Becca: Hello. Hello. (Chuckles) Hello? Quiet. Shut that goddamn music off. (Music stops) Okay, well, whew, first of all, how hashtag blessed are we to have you, our dearest friends, gathered with us tonight? As a society, we go through nothing alone. We are a family. A family of friends, coworkers, neighbors we don't know very well... Jimmy: Listen, I had a momentary lapse of sanity with Becca. Gretchen: The worst thing is this means you wanted to marry Becca, but you can't even let me spend the night without it becoming a goddamn traumatic event. Becca: Shh! 29 years ago, a baby girl was born. Vernon: 29? Becca: And all she wanted, ever since she was pretending to breast-feed her Baby All Gone, was to have her own baby. There is a quote from one of my favorite books, The Little Prince by Antoine de... Vernon: I pregged her up, you guys! Becca: I'm pregnant! I'm having a baby! (Crowd cheering) (Laughs) Thank you. Lindsay: Hello, everybody! (Laughs) Um, we're having a baby, too! (Scattered applause) Well, not yet, but we're gonna start trying to have one. Yay! Becca: What is wrong with you? How dare you try to ruin my moment. Lindsay: It's always your moment! When's my moment? Becca: You had your moment when you got married before your older sister, which is an aggressive and hateful act in any culture! Lindsay: This isn't about you. This is about me and Paul and-and our... Paul: Stop it! I'm not having a baby with you. Lindsay: Paul? Paul: Because I'm having a baby with someone else. (Crowd gasping) At some point. In the future. Because I'm involved with someone else. (Crowd gasping) Though, to be fair, it's purely emotional at this point. I'm having an emotional affair. Lindsay: What are you talking about? Paul: Her name is Amy. We met on a homebrew chat room. Vernon: (Laughs) What a loser. Paul: Amy... She's excited about me. She's... nice to me. Lindsay: Bear. Paul: Lindsay, I want to begin the process of conscious uncoupling with you. Lindsay: No. Paul: Yes, Lindsay. I want a divorce. Becca: Oh. Well. Ooh. (Groans) Mom is gonna be so disappointed. Guess you better give us the good china. Lindsay: Like your marriage is so perfect. You nearly banged Jimmy last week. Gretchen: What?! Jimmy: Okay, just to clarify, she tried to bang me. I turned her down. Marvelously satisfying, really. Lindsay: You tried to sleep with him? I thought he tried to kiss you at your house. Jimmy: (Clears throat) Okay, that happened also. But it was... it was part of this thing where we were competing to bang our exes. Becca: What is wrong with you two?! Vernon: You tried to bang my wife? Jimmy: She tried to sleep with me. Vernon: I let you be my forever-friend. I was gonna invite you into the man cave. Jimmy: I barely even know you! Vernon: Well, now you're gonna know... my fists and feet and stuff! Jimmy: Oh, sh1t. (Grunting) Vernon: You British prick! Becca: Vernon, get him! Edgar: Go to sleep, Vernon. Becca: Edgar, stop it! Edgar: Go... to... sleep. Vernon: But I'm not sleepy. Becca: Oh, God. Get away from him. Vernon. Vernon. Guest: Okay, bye, Becca. Congratulations. Becca: Wouldn't it... No, no, no. No, you c... you can't go. Hey, no, no. Where are you going? Hey, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no. You... This is my night! Jimmy: Has anyone seen Gretchen? Brianna: Oh, sorry, Jimmy, but I think she left. (Jimmy sighs) Tommy: Hey, Jimmy. You want in on this? Jimmy: Uh, no, but have fun. Listen. I will kill you if you tell him I said so, but Edgar is one of the few genuinely decent people on this planet. You're lucky to be his friend. Tommy: Oh, I'm not his friend. He cleans toilets at my gym. Jimmy: Edgar got a job? Tommy: I felt really bad about lying to him when we first met, so I agreed to help him out today. (Scottish accent): Plus, I'm great at accent work. Jimmy: Are you? Tommy: Anyway, like I could really be friends with someone who lives in their car. Jimmy: Hey. Edgar: Hey. Uh, so, uh, uh, h-how have you been? Jimmy: Not well. I haven't been feeding myself properly. Edgar: I told you before I left, the menus are in a blue binder in the bottom drawer. Jimmy: Listen, maybe... Could you move back in? I... You'd be doing me a favor. Edgar: I have a job now, Jimmy. I'm making great progress. I can't go backwards. If I move back in, I'm paying rent, and I'm not cooking for you anymore. Jimmy: Market value for your bedroom is $1,200 a month. Edgar: I will do some light housework. Jimmy: Thanks. Edgar: Oh, hey, uh... Jimmy: Hey, coming up. Edgar: Oh. (Knocking) Gretchen: Why can't you just let this be over? Jimmy: Because I can't. Look, I don't know why I proposed to Becca. It is a giant mystery, fueled mostly by my desire to make up for my wretched family and the fact that she gives spectacular blow jobs. Gretchen: Really? Jimmy: Yeah, I do not know what's going on with that mouth. She's like a human Brookstone massage chair. Gretchen: I am completely stunned by this information. Jimmy: Maybe the sour face creates extra suction. Look, Becca was a choice. A dumb choice, but a choice. You and I... we're inevitable. Gretchen: Words, man. You got a lot of pretty words, but that doesn't mean... Jimmy: Shut up. I'm not done. Let's be those pit bulls. I want to be your couch bud. Move in with me. (Gretchen groans) (Key clinks on floor) Jimmy: Sorry. Why'd you do that? Gretchen: I just humiliated myself by accepting your non-marriage proposal. I cannot now move in with you. Jimmy: Yeah, but I'm... I'm actually asking you this time. Gretchen: Bullshit. You're just doing this as a Hail Mary because you know you're about to lose me for good. Jimmy: No, no, no! I was... I was going to ask you at the party. I had the key made yesterday. Look, my entire life, I've been obsessed with trying to live the life of a writer... just full of loneliness and suffering. But over the last two weeks, what I have finally realized is that the worst possible draft of my life is the one without you in it. I hate it, Gretchen Cutler, but you goddamn floor me. Gretchen: No. Not yet. Jimmy: Okay. Okay. (Gretchen sighs) Gretchen: Oh, sh1t. We're gonna do this. Jimmy: Yeah. sh1t. Gretchen: We're gonna do this, even though we know there is only one way this ends. Whether in a week or 20 years. There is horrible sadness and pain coming, and we're inviting it. Jimmy: God, I love the way you think. (Fire crackling) (Smoke alarm beeping) [SCENE_BREAK] Lindsay: ♪ Oh, oh-ooh ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ Pray God you can cope I stand outside ♪ ♪ This woman's work This woman's world ♪ ♪ Ooh, it's hard on the man Now his part is over ♪ ♪ Now starts the craft Of the father ♪ ♪ I know you have a little life in you yet ♪ ♪ I know you have a lot Of strength left ♪ ♪ I know you have a little life in you yet ♪ ♪ I know you have a lot Of strength left ♪ ♪ I should be crying But I just can't let it show ♪ ♪ I should be hoping But I can't stop thinking ♪ ♪ Of all the things I should have said ♪ ♪ That I never said All the things ♪ ♪ I should have done That we never did ♪ ♪ All the things I should have given ♪ ♪ But I didn't... ♪ Becca: We're gonna have a baby. (Vernon snorts, snores) (Sirens wailing) Gretchen: Still got that key? Lindsay: ♪ I should be crying But I just can't let it show ♪ ♪ I should be hoping But I can't stop thinking ♪ ♪ Of all the things I should have said ♪ ♪ That I never said All the things ♪ ♪ I should have done That we never did ♪ ♪ All the things I should have given ♪ ♪ But I didn't Oh, darling ♪ ♪ Make it go Make it go away... ♪ (Cat meows) Manager: Oh, my God. Come on. Who's that? Oh, my God. Oh! I'm gonna get you... Edgar: Roomie. Gretchen: Roomie. Lindsay: Mm, thanks. (Chuckles) (Edgar sniffs) Killian: Hi. Jimmy: Quick. I need that copy of my house key that I gave you. Got it? Killian: I thought you needed me to water your plants next week. Jimmy: I'll get you another key. Killian: Where's your key? Jimmy: Hurry. Just grab a box. Nice. Thanks. What's that? Gretchen: Food processor. Jimmy: Ah. Gretchen: You having second thoughts about me moving in? Jimmy: No, no. Of course not. You? Gretchen: No. Jimmy: Good.
Plan: A: Lindsay; Q: Who accuses Becca of cheating on her? A: rock bottom; Q: What have Jimmy and Lindsay each hit in their own particular way? A: Gretchen; Q: Who moves in with Jimmy? A: her life; Q: What is Gretchen cleaning up? A: jogging; Q: What is Gretchen doing to clean up her life? A: Edgar; Q: Who rescued Jimmy from Vernon? A: a menial job; Q: What is Edgar doing at the gym? A: a local gym; Q: Where does Edgar work? A: Becca; Q: Who is pregnant? A: a party; Q: Where did Becca and Vernon invite everyone to announce Becca's pregnancy? A: their issues; Q: What do Jimmy, Gretchen, Edgar and Lindsay attempt to resolve with each other? A: an actor; Q: What is the profession of the new English friend that Edgar introduces to Jimmy? A: the "punk rock" choice; Q: What do Gretchen and Lindsay decide marriage and relationships might be for them? A: the ring; Q: What does Jimmy give to Becca? A: a baby; Q: What does Lindsay announce she will have? A: Paul; Q: Who tells Lindsay he wants a divorce? A: The resulting argument; Q: What ends with Vernon attacking Jimmy? A: drunken Vernon; Q: Who attacked Jimmy? A: things; Q: What do Jimmy and Edgar decide to patch up? A: the party; Q: Where did Lindsay sing karaoke? A: old Christmas lights; Q: What sets Gretchen's apartment on fire? A: the future; Q: What do Jimmy and Gretchen dread? A: the store; Q: Where is the bookstore cat returned to? Summary: Jimmy and Lindsay have each hit rock bottom in their own particular way. Gretchen is cleaning up her life and jogging. Edgar is sleeping in his car and has a menial job at a local gym. Becca and Vernon invite them all to a party, intending to announce Becca's pregnancy. Jimmy, Gretchen, Edgar and Lindsay attempt to resolve their issues with each other. Edgar, trying to show that he is "moving on", introduces Jimmy to his "new English friend", who turns out to be an actor. Gretchen and Lindsay decide that buying into marriage and relationships might be the "punk rock" choice for them. Gretchen finds Jimmy and says "yes" to his non-proposal. She runs off again when Jimmy tells her the ring was for Becca. Becca announces that she is pregnant, causing Lindsay to announce that she too will have a baby, but Paul then tells her he wants a divorce. Becca piles on, and Lindsay accuses her of cheating with Jimmy. The resulting argument ends with drunken Vernon attacking Jimmy, who is rescued by Edgar. Jimmy and Edgar patch things up and Edgar decides to move back in with Jimmy. After the party, Jimmy barges into Gretchen's apartment, determined to persuade her to move in with him. Gretchen responds "not yet", but then the mass of old Christmas lights decorating her couch sets the apartment on fire. Edgar is besotted with Lindsay after watching her sing karaoke at the party. Gretchen moves in with Jimmy, and both of them think things are working out for them, but dread the future. The bookstore cat, which Gretchen has been keeping, is returned to the store.
Originally written by Transcribed by Joshua Hodge Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler enter with Chandler covering his eyes and Joey leading him.] JOEY: Alright, no peeking. No peeking, no peeking, no peeking. CHANDLER: Alright, alright, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes. JOEY: Alright open your eyes. [opens his eyes to see two black leather recliners and a big screen TV] CHANDLER: Sweet mother of all that is good and pure. JOEY: Huh? Days of our Lives picked up my option. CHANDLER: Congratulations! JOEY: I know. chandler: Now we can finally watch Green Acres the way it was meant to be seen. JOEY: Uh-huh. CHANDLER: So uh, which one is mine? JOEY: Whichever one you want, man. Whichever one you want. [Chandler starts to sit in one of the chairs] Not that one. CHANDLER: [sits down] Ohh yes. JOEY: [sits down] Ohh yeah, that's the stuff. CHANDLER: [reaches for the footrest lever] Do we dare? JOEY: We dare. BOTH: [both extend the footrests] Aaahhhh. [both recline their chairs] AAAAHHHHHH. OPENING TITLES [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are sitting in their recliners watching TV. Monica, Ross, and Phoebe are there.] PHOEBE: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up. CHANDLER: Well they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild. ROSS: This screen is amazing, I mean Dick Van Dyke is practically life-size. ALL: Woah! MONICA: Rose Marie really belongs on a smaller screen, doesn't she? [Rachel enters] RACHEL: Hi you guys. ALL: Hey. RACHEL: Hey you. ROSS: Hey you. [they stand together in front of the TV.] CHANDLER and JOEY: Woah, hey, yo. [Rachel and Ross move] RACHEL: So, uh, how was your day? ROSS: Oh you know, pretty much the usual, uh, sun shining, birds chirping. RACHEL: Really? Mine too. PHOEBE: Hey cool, mine too. ROSS: [beeper goes off] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to get to the museum. So um, I'll see you tonight. RACHEL: OK. [they go to kiss but everyone's watching so Ross just kisses her on the top of her head and leaves] ROSS: Bye guys. ALL: Bye. MONICA: [walks up to Rachel in front of the TV] Tonight? CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, yo. [they move from out of in front of the TV] MONICA: What's tonight? RACHEL: It is our first official date. Our first date. MONICA: Uh, hello. RACHEL: Hi. MONICA: Tonight you're supposed to waitress for me, my catering thing, any of those words trigger anything for you? RACHEL: God, oh God Monica, I forgot. This is our first date. MONICA: Yes but my mom got me this job. PHOEBE: OK, I can be a waitress, I can be a waitress. RACHEL: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. See Phoebe, Phoebe. MONICA: Really Phoebs? Because, you know, you'd have to be an actual waitress. This can't be like your 'I can be a bear cub' thing. PHOEBE: I can be a waitress. OK watch this. Um, gimme two number ones, 86 the bacon, one Adam and Eve on a raft and rick'em, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la. [Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Dr. Burke answers the door for Phoebe and Monica.] PHOEBE: It's James Bond. MONICA: Sorry we're late. DR. BURKE: Ah, that's OK, come on in. Um, I'm sorry, is Monica Geller coming? I was told she was. MONICA: Dr. Burke, it, it's me. DR. BURKE: Monica? My God you used to be so. . . I mean you, you, you, you must have lost like. . . You look great. MONICA: Thank you. This is my friend Phoebe. She's gonna be helping me tonight. DR. BURKE: Hi Phoebe, nice to meet you. [Phoebe just giggles when they shake] So, how ya been? MONICA: I've been great, just great. How have you been? [tilting her head] DR. BURKE: Oh, well obviously you know Barbara and I split up, otherwise you wouldn't have done the head tilt. MONICA: The head tilt? DR. BURKE: Yeah, since the divorce, when anybody asks me how I am, it's always with a sympathetic head tilt. [demonstrating] 'How ya doin'? You OK?' MONICA: I'm sorry. DR. BURKE: No no, it, it's fine, believe me. I do it too. I always answer with the 'I'm OK' head bob. [demonstrates] 'I'm OK.' [tilts head] 'You sure?' [bobs head] 'Yeah, I'm fine.' Hey listen, I've got to set up the music. I got a new CD changer, of course the divorce only left me with 4 CD's to change. MONICA: [her and Phoebe tilt their heads] Oh, that's too bad. DR. BURKE: [bobbing his head] I'll survive. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still in their chairs watching TV. Chandler is ordering a pizza.] CHANDLER: Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19, ring 20, Geller-Green, they'll let you in, OK. If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. OK, thanks. Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up. JOEY: What if we have to pee? CHANDLER: I'll cancel the sodas. [Scene: Dr. Burke's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are in the kitchen.] MONICA: You've got to get back out there, it's your party. DR. BURKE: But they're so dull, they're all opthamologists. MONICA: You're an opthamologist. DR. BURKE: Only because my parents wanted me to be, I wanted to be a sherrif. PHOEBE: [entering the kitchen from the party] That's funny, no. Cadillac, cataract, I get it, no I get it, you stay out there. DR. BURKE: See. MONICA: Alright, I'll tell you what. I'll come get you in 5 minutes with some sort of um, kabob emergency. DR. BURKE: OK. You better. Oh God, here we go. Hey wanna see 'em go nuts? Watch this. [grabbing some wine glasses and opening the door to the party] Who needs glasses? [everyone laughs] PHOEBE: You are so smitten. MONICA: I am not. PHOEBE: Oh, you are so much the smitten kitten. You should ask him out. MONICA: Dr. Burke? I don't think so. I mean, like, he's a grown up. PHOEBE: So. You two are totally into each other. MONICA: Phoebe, he's a friend of my parents. He's like 20 years older than me. PHOEBE: OK, so what, you're just never gonna see him again? MONICA: Not never. I mean, I'm gonna see him tomorrow at my eye appointment. PHOEBE: Didn't you like, just get your eyes checked? MONICA: Well yeah, but, you know, uh, 27 is a dangerous eye age. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are returning from a movie.] RACHEL: C'mon, I'm not saying it was a bad movie, I'm just saying, you know, it was a little. . . hard to follow. ROSS: I told you there was going to be sub-titles. RACHEL: I know, I just didn't want to wear my glasses on my first date. [They start kissing.] RACHEL: Monica. ROSS: It would really help when I'm kissing you if you didn't shout out my sister's name. RACHEL: Honey, I'm just checking. ROSS: Oh. RACHEL: Monica. ROSS: Mon. RACHEL: Monica. ROSS: Mon. [Since they're alone they start kissing and Ross's hands work their way down until they're on Rachel's butt. Rachel starts laughing.] ROSS: What, what. RACHEL: I'm sorry. Oh God, I'm sorry, it's just that when you moved your hands down to my butt, it was like woah, Ross's hands are on my butt. Sorry. ROSS: And that's, that's funny why? RACHEL: Well it's not, honey I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I mean, it's you, ya know, it's us. I mean, we're crossing that line, sort of a big thing. ROSS: I, I know it's big, I just didn't know it was uh, ha-ha big. RACHEL: OK. [start kissing again and Rachel starts lauging again] ROSS: OK, my hands were no where near your butt. RACHEL: I know, I know, I know, I know. I was just thinking about when they were there the last time, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. OK, OK, look, woah, I promise, I'm good, I'm not gonna laugh anymore. OK put your hands back there. ROSS: No see now, now I can't because uh, I'm feeling too self conscious. RACHEL: Just one cheek. ROSS: Nuh, uh, the moment's gone. RACHEL: Alright, just put your hands out and I'll back up into them. ROSS: That's romantic. RACHEL: C'mon touch it. ROSS: No. RACHEL: Oh, come on squeeze it. ROSS: No. RACHEL: Rub it. ROSS: No. RACHEL: Oh, come on, would you just grab my ass. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are watching a Miracle Wax info-mercial.] JOEY: Wow, look at that. The car is on fire, yet somehow it's expensive paint job is protected by the Miracle Wax. CHANDLER: You got a Cheeto on your face man.[Joey removes the Cheeto and eats it] [Ross enters] JOEY: Hi. CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey. JOEY: What're you doin' here? Aren't you supposed to be out with Rachel? ROSS: That was 14 hours ago. CHANDLER: So how'd it go? ROSS: Oh. Listen, have you ever been uh, you know, foolin' around with a girl and uh, she started laughin'? CHANDLER: Yeah, but uh, it was 1982 and my flock of seagulls haircut was tickling her chin. JOEY: She laughed at you? ROSS: Yeah. I don't know, I've been wanting this since like ninth grade typing, ya know. And I just want it to be perfect and right and. . . why isn't that laser beam cutting through the paint? CHANDLER: It's the Miracle Wax. JOEY: It certainly is a miracle. [Rachel enters] RACHEL: Hi you guys. CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey. ROSS: Hey. RACHEL: Hi. Listen, I was um, thinkin' about. . . CHANDLER: Listen can you guys uh, speak up, it's harder for us to hear you when you lower your voice. [Rachel and Ross go out in the hall] RACHEL: OK, listen, I'm sorry about last night and I really want to make it up to you. ROSS: No, you, ya know there's no need to make it u. . . how? RACHEL: Well, I was thinking maybe a um, a romantic dinner with um, candles and wine and then uh, maybe going back to my place for um, dessert. ROSS: Humm, that sounds, I don't, perfect. [there's a loud bang at the door so Ross opens it back up to find a shoe has been thrown at it] RACHEL: What's this. CHANDLER: Could you get us a couple of beers? [Scene: Dr. Burke's office. Monica is there for her eye appointment.] DR. BURKE: I'm going to look into your eyes now. MONICA: Really. DR. BURKE: Yeah, that's my job. Alright, look up. . . look down, now open your eyes, now look down. That's right, look into the light. Now look at me. . . OK. Your eyes look good. Those are good eyes. MONICA: Good, they feel good, in my head. DR. BURKE: So, it's great to see ya. MONICA: You too. DR. BURKE: You too. MONICA: OK, um. Goodbye. DR. BURKE: Drops! MONICA: What? DR. BURKE: Drops. Here, they're free. MONICA: Thanks. So, I guess I better be going. DR. BURKE: Oh, OK, yeah. I'll see ya later. MONICA: Thanks again. [He kisses her on the cheek, she returns the kiss, then they embrace in a full on kiss] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They're still watching TV. Phoebe stands in front of the TV.] PHOEBE: We have got to get you lazy boys out of these chairs. CHANDLER and JOEY: Hey, woah, hey, woah. PHOEBE: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people. JOEY: No, inside good, outside bad. PHOEBE: You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH. CHANDLER: She's one of us now. [Rachel and Ross enter] [SCENE_BREAK] RACHEL: Hi you guys. ROSS: Hey. CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Hey. ROSS: Well we just wanted to stop by and uh, say goodnight. CHANDLER, JOEY, and PHOEBE: Goodnight. ROSS: Look at that, they won't even turn their heads. RACHEL: Alright you guys, I'm takin' off my shirt. JOEY: [uses a dentist mirror to see] Naa, she's lyin'. [Monica enters carrying food that's been delivered] MONICA: Stop sending food to our apartment. ROSS: Well, why're you all dressed up? PHOEBE: You're not the only one who has a date tonight. ROSS: What? You have a date? Who with? MONICA: No one. ROSS: C'mon, what's his name? MONICA: Nothing. ROSS: Come on, tell me. MONICA: Alright, but I'm very excited about this OK, so you gotta promise you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental. ROSS: Oh, I promise, what. MONICA: It's Richard Burke. ROSS: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor Burke? Why, why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like a uh, brother to dad. MONICA: Well for your information he happens to be one of the brightest, most sophisticated, sexiest men I've ever been with. ROSS: Doctor Burke is sexy? RACHEL and PHOEBE: Oh God, absolutely. ROSS: [his beeper goes off] It's the museum again, can I, oh. RACHEL: Ya know, Dr. Burke kissed me once. MONICA: When? RACHEL: When I was um, 7, I crashed my bike right out in front of his house and to stop me from crying he kissed me right here. [points to the tip of her nose] PHOEBE: Oh you are so lucky. RACHEL: I know. ROSS: [on the phone] Woah, woah, woah australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No. No. No, n, homo-habilus was erect, australopithicus was never fully erect. CHANDLER: Well maybe he was nervous. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross is fixing a display, Rachel is waiting patiently.] ROSS: Oh look, I can't believe this. Look, homo-habilus hasn't even learned how to use tools yet and they've got him here wi, with clay pots. Why don't, why don't they just give him a microwave? I'm sorry, I'm sorry this is taking so long, ya know, I, I, it's just it's longer than I expected, we will have dinner. RACHEL: It's OK, it's fine. ROSS: KARL! [Ross leaves to find Karl. Rachel takes a peek under the loincloth of one of the display models.] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Dr. Burke are sitting on the couch. He's showing her the pictures in his wallet.] MONICA: Wow, is that Michelle? DR. BURKE: Yep. MONICA: I've not seen her since high school graduation. Oh my God, that night she got so dru. . . motional. DR. BURKE: Ya know, she's having another baby. MONICA: I thought she just had one. DR. BURKE: No no. Henry's almost two and he's talking and everyting. Here. You know, the other day he told me he liked me better than his other grandpa. Now in all fairness his other grandpa's a drunk but still. . . MONICA: Oh, you're a grandpa. DR. BURKE: Yeah. Are we nuts here? MONICA: I don't know, maybe. I mean I'm dating a man who's pool I once peed in. DR. BURKE: I didn't need to know that. I guess 21 years is a lot. I mean, hell, I'm a whole person who can drink older than you. MONICA: Yeah. DR. BURKE: So. MONICA: So maybe we should just. . . DR. BURKE: Yeah, yeah, maybe. MONICA: Wow, this really sucks. DR. BURKE: Yeah, it sure does. [they hug and it turns into a passionate kiss] MONICA: Well, we don't really have to decide anything right now, do we? DR. BURKE: No, no, there's no rush or anything. [knock at the door] DELIVERY GUY: Pizza delivery. MONICA: Oh, I'm gonna kill those guys. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. Ross enters the display where Rachel is waiting.] ROSS: Rach. RACHEL: Oh. ROSS: I'm done. RACHEL: Yeah well, you know what, so is uh, Sorentino's. ROSS: Wha, OK, I'm sorry, let's uh, why don't we find someplace else. RACHEL: No, you know what, it's late, everything's gonna be closed. Why don't we just do it another night? ROSS: No, no, we won't. RACHEL: We won't? ROSS: [grabs a fur pelt] C'mon. RACHEL: OK, that's dead right? [Scene: The museum planetarium. Ross and Rachel enter on stage.] RACHEL: What is this? What are we doing? ROSS: Shh. Do you want cran-apple or cran-grape? RACHEL: Grape. ROSS: [spreads the pelt on the floor] OK, now, sit. OK. [he starts the music system] RACHEL: Oh, God. [The stereo system booms out 'Billions of years ago. . .'. Ross gets up and changes it to music.] ROSS: Sorry. RACHEL: Ah, so what are we looking at? ROSS: Well uh, you see that, that little cluster of stars next to the big one? That is Ursa Major. RACHEL: Really? ROSS: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight. RACHEL: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight. [they kiss] ROSS: You're not laughing. RACHEL: This time it's not so funny. [They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.] RACHEL: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK. ROSS: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box. RACHEL: Oh, thank God. [Scene: Museum of Natural History. The next morning Rachel and Ross are sleeping in the display under a fur.] ROSS: Hi. RACHEL: Hi you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you. ROSS: I know it is pretty unbelievaaaaah. RACHEL: What? ROSS: We're not alone. [A church youth group is outside the display watching them] CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are still in their chairs, watching Beavis and Butthead.] [they're laughing along with the show when an alarm goes off] JOEY: Is that the fire alarm? CHANDLER: Yeah. [feels the floor] Oh it's not warm yet, we still have time. JOEY: Cool.
Plan: A: Joey; Q: Who buys a big screen TV and two leather recliners? A: his soap opera salary; Q: What did Joey use to buy a big screen TV and two leather recliners? A: "coach potatoes; Q: What nickname did Joey and Chandler get for spending days watching TV? A: the chairs; Q: What do Joey and Chandler never get out of? A: handsome Dr. Richard Burke; Q: Who does Monica cater for? A: an ophthalmologist; Q: What is Dr. Richard Burke's profession? A: an old family friend; Q: Why does Monica have a catering job for Dr. Richard Burke? A: a date; Q: What do Monica and Dr. Burke go on after they are mutually smitten? A: their first real date; Q: What do Ross and Rachel attempt to have? A: their new romantic relationship; Q: What does Rachel have difficulty adapting to? A: giggles; Q: What does Rachel break into at inappropriate times? A: a museum emergency; Q: What does Ross have that causes Rachel to go with him on a date? A: a museum exhibit; Q: Where do Ross and Rachel spend the night before their next date? A: an animal skin; Q: What do Ross and Rachel wake up under? A: visitors; Q: Who gawked at Ross and Rachel when they woke up in the museum? A: a recurring guest role; Q: What role did Tom Selleck have on Friends? A: 2000; Q: In what year did Tom Selleck receive an Emmy Award nomination? Summary: Joey buys a big screen TV and two leather recliners with his soap opera salary, turning him and Chandler into "coach potatoes" who spend days watching TV and never getting out of the chairs. Monica has a catering job for handsome Dr. Richard Burke (Tom Selleck), an ophthalmologist, who is an old family friend. He and Monica are mutually smitten and later go on a date. Ross and Rachel attempt to have their first real date, though Rachel has difficulty adapting to their new romantic relationship, breaking into giggles at inappropriate times. Just before their next date, Ross has a museum emergency, so Rachel goes along. They spend the night in a museum exhibit, waking up nude and under an animal skin, to visitors gawking at them. The episode introduces Tom Selleck in a recurring guest role that led to an Emmy Award nomination for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series in 2000.
"THE INVASION" BY DERRICK SHERWIN FROM A STORY BY KIT PEDLER First broadcast - 30th November 1968 Running time - 23 minutes 25 seconds [SCENE_BREAK] 1. LABORATORY (Staccato tones rise in pitch as the webbed cocoon writhes in agitation. Its surface tears at its top, and two metal hands part the fabric to free its head, a head with a blank face, no nose, a slit for a mouth, featureless eyes, metal for skin, and jug-handle-shaped stiff hoses replacing ears. The figure struggles out of its berth, revealing stiff metal limbs, a complex bank of lights and equipment affixed to its chest, and a looming stature. It could only be one thing.) JAMIE: (Whispering.) The Cybermen. DOCTOR: Shh... JAMIE: Where do they come from? DOCTOR: I don't know, Jamie, but they're here, aren't they?! Come on, let's go back to the canoe. (They both quietly leave the warehouse, heading back for their canoe.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. RIVER (JAMIE and the DOCTOR paddle through the canal in the same manner they came - up the river in the canoe.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3. UNIT AEROPLANE (ISOBEL, ZOE and Captain TURNER gather about the command table.) ZOE: And what do you think will happen? TURNER: Well, it's not really a military matter now. ISOBEL: You'll simply hand this over to the police? TURNER: More or less. ISOBEL: Pity. I could have got some great pictures and made a bomb selling them to the papers. Oh well. TURNER: Look, perhaps I can compensate by buying you dinner. ISOBEL: (Looks surprised and delighted at the thought.) That would be nice. (A thought suddenly occurs to her.) ISOBEL: Hey are you stinking rich? TURNER: (Laughs.) Not on a Captain's pay, I'm not. ISOBEL: It's not my day is it? TURNER: Money isn't everything, you know... (Their conversation is interrupted when JAMIE and the DOCTOR return to the UNIT HQ aeroplane.) ZOE: Doctor, any luck? What did you find out? JAMIE: Some old friends of ours are here, Zoe. ZOE: Who? JAMIE: The Cybermen. (ZOE, looking a little shocked, turns to the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Yes, I'm afraid it's true, Zoe. ZOE: That's what you suspected, wasn't it? ISOBEL: What on Earth are Cybermen? DOCTOR: They're from another world - inhuman killers. TURNER: You mean... they are from space or something? ZOE: And that spaceship on the other side of the Moon was obviously their craft. ISOBEL: (Jokingly.) What are they? Little green men? (She notices the DOCTOR sit down with a very worried expression on his face.) ISOBEL: You're serious? ZOE: (Very serious.) We've met Cybermen before and seen what they can do. TURNER: Where exactly are they and how many? JAMIE: At Vaughn's headquarters in London... DOCTOR: Hundreds... possibly thousands. ZOE: So Vaughn's helping them. DOCTOR: That deep-space radio transmitter is obviously going to be used by the Cybermen spaceships to home in on. TURNER: So that's what all those UFOs were. But there have been hundreds of those sightings... JAMIE: Aye, they must have quite an army by now. The thing is, where are they hiding them all? (The DOCTOR stands up again.) DOCTOR: I don't know, Jamie. Captain, where's the Brigadier? TURNER: At the Ministry of Defence. I'd better get on to him immediately and tell him what you've discovered. DOCTOR: No, no, Captain. The people who went into Vaughn's HQ were different when they came out, weren't they. TURNER: Yes. ZOE: Do you think they're been controlled, Doctor? TURNER: (Puzzled.) Controlled? ZOE: The Cybermen have means of controlling people's minds. They appear to be almost normal, but they're not, they're controlled. DOCTOR: Who is the Brigadier immediately answerable to? TURNER: Major-General Rutlidge. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. RUTLIDGE'S OFFICE (The BRIGADIER is in now in RUTLIDGE's office, and is not happy at the way he is taking his report.) BRIGADIER: (Incredulously.) No cause for alarm? Billy, do you know what happened? They tried to shoot down one of my helicopters. RUTLIDGE: You were trespassing over their top security area. BRIGADIER: Oh, for heaven sake. If you can't trust a UNIT force, who can you trust? RUTLIDGE: There's nothing we... (He breaks off suddenly.) BRIGADIER: What's the matter? RUTLIDGE: Nothing. Nothing at all. (But he does have an odd glazed look on his eyes. The BRIGADIER tries a different track.) BRIGADIER: Look, Billy, Vaughn's a powerful chap, I know that. We can at least request a formal investigation. RUTLIDGE: This isn't our province. BRIGADIER: (Thundering.) Well then who's province is it? RUTLIDGE: It's no good in getting angry about this. You must see this from my point of view. All you have given me is vague reports, nothing conclusive, no proof. (The BRIGADIER can't believe his ears.) BRIGADIER: No proof?! RUTLIDGE: I'm sure this is a misunderstanding. I'll talk to the C in C of internal security myself. BRIGADIER: But Billy. Talk won't help. I want some sort of action, and I want it now. At least get the civil authorities to investigate. RUTLIDGE: You have to leave this matter with me. BRIGADIER: (Threatening.) Will I? RUTLIDGE: If you're thinking about going to see the C in C yourself, I shouldn't bother, you'll be wasting his time. BRIGADIER: So you're going to do nothing? (A thought suddenly occurs to him.) BRIGADIER: What sort of hold has Vaughn got on you? (This catches RUTLIDGE off guard.) RUTLIDGE: Vaughn? I... (He then pulls himself together.) RUTLIDGE: Brigadier, your UNIT force will take no precipitous action without top-priority permission. That is an order. BRIGADIER: (Firmly.) I see,... sir. Well, you can override my authority, but not that of UNIT Central Command. I'm sending a full report to them in Geneva. (He salutes, turns on his heel, and leaves briskly. RUTLIDGE looks worried and he reaches for the communicator.) RUTLIDGE: International Electromatics - Central Office. PHONE OPERATOR: (OOV.) Just one moment please, sir. RUTLIDGE: Oh... with priority scramble. PHONE OPERATOR: (OOV.) Yes sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 5. VAUGHN'S OFFICE (PACKER holds the London office door open for the entering Tobias VAUGHN. His telephone is ringing on his desk and he answers it.) VAUGHN: Have Gregory work with Professor Watkins on the machine. PACKER: Yes, Mister Vaughn (PACKER turns to leave.) VAUGHN: No, wait. (He presses a button on his desk.) VAUGHN: Report. VOICE: (OOV.) Communication from Major General Rutlidge on public video. VAUGHN: Switch to visual circuit. (A close-up of RUTLIDGE's face appears on three screens set into the wall of the office.) VAUGHN: What is it, Rutlidge? RUTLIDGE: (OOV.) The UNIT group. VAUGHN: Well? RUTLIDGE: (OOV.) There'll be trouble. I can't stop it. VAUGHN: Why not? You have authority to. RUTLIDGE: (OOV.) I have no authority outside this country. A report is being made to UNIT Central Control. They're bound to investigate and take action. VAUGHN: I see. How long before this will be effective? RUTLIDGE: (OOV.) I think... I should... (RUTLIDGE tries to say something, but his sentence falters and he just stares into the camera.) VAUGHN: Rutlidge. RUTLIDGE! PACKER: What's the matter with him? VAUGHN: Listen to me, Rutlidge? LISTEN! You will obey my commands. You understand? RUTLIDGE: (OOV.) Your commands. VAUGHN: You will leave your office and come here to me. RUTLIDGE: (OOV.) To you? VAUGHN: Immediately. Do you understand? RUTLIDGE: (OOV.) I must... your commands. VAUGHN: DO YOU UNDERSTAND? RUTLIDGE: Yes. I understand. I understand. VAUGHN: Good fellow. (The picture fades away.) PACKER: What was the matter with him? VAUGHN: Our control over him is weakening. PACKER: That could be dangerous. If he doesn't obey your orders to come over here, he might... VAUGHN: Oh, he will, Packer, he will. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. UNIT AEROPLANE WALTERS: Are you sure, Miss? I see. Right, thanks. (Sergeant WALTERS hangs up a phone and turns to Captain TURNER.) WALTERS: Sir! TURNER: Got him? WALTERS: No sir, General Rutlidge's secretary says that he left some time ago. TURNER: I see. What about the Brigadier? WALTERS: Apparently he wasn't there long, sir. He must be on his way back now. TURNER: Right. (The DOCTOR comes into view.) TURNER: Doctor, It seems to be too late. The Brigadier's already been in to see Rutlidge. DOCTOR: (Looking worried.) Oh, dear. TURNER: The question is now: where exactly do we stand with Rutlidge? [SCENE_BREAK] 7. VAUGHN'S OFFICE (RUTLIDGE is currently standing in VAUGHN's office and is glassy-eyes before VAUGHN's desk.) VAUGHN: I must know, Rutlidge. You must tell me. (RUTLIDGE at first says nothing, and suddenly VAUGHN slams his fist into the desk and screams at him.) VAUGHN: HOW LONG BEFORE THE UNIT FORCES CAN TAKE ACTION?!!? RUTLIDGE: I... One day, maybe two. VAUGHN: Good. Time enough. (PACKER interrupts from his perch near the window:) PACKER: Well, I don't like it. Supposing the UNIT forces move faster than that? Supposing they... VAUGHN: Let me do the supposing, Packer. PACKER: Yes, Mister Vaughn. VAUGHN: Ah, just to be on the safe side - I think that we should conduct an experiment. PACKER: What do you mean? VAUGHN: Have the Professor's machine taken down to the warehouse. Wait outside. I'll join you later. PACKER: What are you going to do? VAUGHN: Wait and see, Packer. Wait and see. PACKER: Yes, sir. (PACKER points at RUTLIDGE.) PACKER: What about him? VAUGHN: Oh, leave him to me. (PACKER leaves and VAUGHN stands. VAUGHN crosses to the rear wall and presses the slide control. Again the wall pivots back on a corner and reveals the dark alcove and the "apparatus" [which can now be described as the CYBER-PLANNER] standing and whirring at him. RUTLIDGE stares at it - hardly able to believe his eyes.) VAUGHN: There has been some difficulty. We must alter our plan. CYBER-PLANNER: Report the difficulty and we will assess it. VAUGHN: We must bring the invasion forward. CYBER-PLANNER: Our invasion force is not yet complete. VAUGHN: The invasion must take place in fifteen hours' time, otherwise we may have to face the combined military forces of the entire world. CYBER-PLANNER: Wait while the report will be assessed. (VAUGHN immediately jumps in.) VAUGHN: You will accept what I say or our partnership will be at an end. The invasion will take place at dawn tomorrow. (The Planner begins spinning and it whirrs at a different pitch as it transmits the data into space and receives instructions.) CYBER-PLANNER: It has been agreed. The data will be computed and the invasion details transmitted to you. Discussion terminated. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. WAREHOUSE (Men wearing welding masks operate the controls of the waking device as it pours power into another one of the gauze-like cocoons. We see two already powered Cybermen standing in the corner. The cocoon tears open as the Cyberman within emerges. PACKER enters and marches up to one of the workmen.) PACKER: How many more? WORKMAN: About fifty more crates, sir. PACKER: Hurry it up. WORKMAN: Yes, sir. (PACKER walks over and throws a switch which opens a secret door built into the wall.) PACKER: Follow me. (Both Cybermen follow willingly through a door into an adjoining room with a raised platform with a large opening set into its floor. PACKER stands on this platform, having thrown another switch to open the large opening.) PACKER: Have you received your instructions? (One of the two CYBERMEN speaks in a robotic high-pitched voice.) CYBERMAN: Yes. PACKER: You will proceed through the sewer tunnels to your allotted sectors. There you will obey the commands of your section leader. CYBERMAN: We understand. PACKER: Proceed. (The CYBERMEN acknowledge the orders and start climbing up the platform.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. UNIT AEROPLANE (The DOCTOR studies yet another map, this one of the sewers of London, which he describes to his audience of the BRIGADIER, JAMIE, ZOE, TURNER and ISOBEL.) DOCTOR: You see, a network of tunnels underneath London. BRIGADIER: And that's where you think they might be? DOCTOR: Yes... and look! (He points out a main flood-release sewer running under the warehouse.) DOCTOR: There's a main flood-release sewer running right beneath the warehouse. BRIGADIER: Yes, but if there is water in the sewers, wouldn't that affect them? DOCTOR: Oh no, no. Besides, many of these tunnels are dry and only flood during heavy rainfall. ISOBEL: What are we going to do - pray for a cloudburst? BRIGADIER: Miss Watkins, this could be very serious. ISOBEL: I'm sorry, but, well it's a pretty fantastic story to swallow. BRIGADIER: Yes, but so was the attack from the Yeti, but nevertheless it happened. (Captain TURNER bends over the BRIGADIER's shoulder.) TURNER: With all due respect sir, she's right. Nobody believed in the Yetis until they saw them. If you go to Central Command with this story, they'll think you're mad. BRIGADIER: Yes, Jimmy, you're right. Course, what we really need is some sort of evidence... some proof. DOCTOR: I think that it might be better at the moment to find out what form that attack is going to take. (He thinks for a moment, then turns to JAMIE.) DOCTOR: Jamie... JAMIE: What? DOCTOR: That transistor radio that Vaughn gave you, have you still got it? JAMIE: Aye, here. (He hands it over to the DOCTOR, who starts to dismantle it.) DOCTOR: Brigadier, do you have any IE equipment here? BRIGADIER: Hmm, Jimmy, have we? JIMMY: Yes, we have sir. A computer and several radios and various radar components. DOCTOR: May I see them please? BRIGADIER: Certainty, Jimmy, would you... TURNER: I'll show you Doctor, this way... DOCTOR: Thank you. (TURNER leads him to them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. WAREHOUSE (PACKER watches as the two Cybermen climb down through the "Cyber" manhole, then gets up and returns to the wake-up room. There, VAUGHN and GREGORY are waiting for him.) VAUGHN: Ah, there you are, Packer. Everything going well? PACKER: Yes, Mister Vaughn. VAUGHN: Good. Time for our little experiment. (GREGORY looks worried.) GREGORY: Mister Vaughn... I don't really think... VAUGHN: We must try the machine, Gregory. GREGORY: It could be dangerous. VAUGHN: It could be even more dangerous if they didn't try it. We must make sure we have an effective weapon against the Cybermen. PACKER: You're going to try it on one of them?! VAUGHN: Why not? (He steps forward and examines one of the cocoons. He turns back to the Technicians.) VAUGHN: Revive it... umm, just enough to bring it out of its cocoon. TECHNICIAN: Yes, sir. (One of the technicians attaches wires to the cocoon. They activate the waking device and the Cyberman slowly tears its way out of the web, and then stops and stands in place.) VAUGHN: Hold it there. Now Gregory... connect the Professor's machine. (GREGORY steps forward hesitantly, kneels down on the floor nervously, sets the box of wires that is the machine on the floor apprehensively, gets up.) GREGORY: (Panicking.) Mister Vaughn, please!! VAUGHN: CONNECT IT! (GREGORY attaches wires around the Cyberman's neck cautiously, then picks up the machine again and steps back finally with a high degree of concern.) GREGORY: What emotion should I induce. VAUGHN: Fear! Let's see how the Cybermen will react to fear. (GREGORY already knows how he reacts to fear as he switches on the machine. At first the Cyberman does nothing, but then begins to move a little, somewhat in pain.) VAUGHN: Increase the power! (GREGORY does. The Cyberman suddenly cries out in an electronic frenzy of half-choked screams and begins to writhe in pain.) VAUGHN: More power! GREGORY: (Shouts.) That's all there is. (The Cyberman suddenly goes berserk and tears the wires from its neck. It screams in agony and twists its arms in circles, slowly moving PACKER against the wall. PACKER pulls his pistol and fires several shots into the Cyberman to no effect.) PACKER: Quick! (The three humans hide behind one of the unopened cocoons as the Cyberman suddenly changes its deranged mind and stumbles in the opposite direction, out the door into the room leading to the sewers, watched by VAUGHN and GREGORY.) GREGORY: I warned you... that machine isn't ready yet. PACKER: It's following them down into the sewers. VAUGHN: Let it go. PACKER: It's gone mad. It could have killed us all. VAUGHN: Possibly, but we proved that the Professor's machine can be effective. Get him to work on it, Gregory. I want twice as much power and I want directional control. (PACKER points to the mad Cyberman, who we can see through the door climbing down into the sewers.) PACKER: But what about that one. We can't let it roam down there alone! VAUGHN: (Calmly.) Why not? PACKER: (Protests.) It will kill anyone who gets in its way. VAUGHN: Good. Anyone fool enough to be down in those sewers deserves to die. (He walks off, leaving PACKER and GREGORY to stare after him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. UNIT AEROPLANE (The BRIGADIER and ISOBEL talk about getting some proof. On a bench, JAMIE and ZOE are listening.) ISOBEL: Now, you really believe that these Cybermen things are down in the sewers. BRIGADIER: Seems to make sense. ISOBEL: But you can't do anything about it without proof or evidence. BRIGADIER: Central command would think I was mad. ISOBEL: Well, the answer's simple surely: go and get some proof. BRIGADIER: And how can I prove that in the sewers of London that there are creatures from outer space waiting to attack us. Go and get one? (ZOE overhears.) ZOE: You wouldn't stand a chance against them, Isobel. ISOBEL: Ah, you wouldn't have to go anywhere near them. Photograph them. (The BRIGADIER rounds on her with a look of "Eureka!" on his face.) BRIGADIER: That's not a bad... Oh wait a minute, it would be pitch dark in those tunnels. ISOBEL: You could use an infrared film, a twenty-five filter on a 35 mil camera with a telephoto lens and you can take frame after frame without getting anywhere near them. BRIGADIER: Is that all gibberish or do you really know what you're talking about? ISOBEL: (Irritated.) Of course I know. BRIGADIER: If you're right, this could well be the sort of proof I need to get some action. ISOBEL: (Energised.) Well, all I need is her cameras from the house and then I'm all set. BRIGADIER: (Facing her, warning.) Wait a minute, this isn't a job for you. ISOBEL: Why ever not? BRIGADIER: (Trying to be tactful.) Well, you're a young woman. This is a job for my men. (This doesn't go down well. ISOBEL totally explodes.) ISOBEL: Well, of all the bigoted, anti-feminist, cretinous remarks... BRIGADIER: (Insists.) This is no job for a girl like you, now that's final. ISOBEL: (Stammering.) Oh, you, you... you MAN! (The BRIGADIER isn't phased at all.) BRIGADIER: I'll get in touch with my photographic unit and get them onto it. (As the BRIGADIER walks off, ISOBEL returns to JAMIE and ZOE.) ISOBEL: Oh, that stupid... bigoted... idiotic... (JAMIE stands up.) JAMIE: Aye, well, he's right you know! ZOE: (Astonished.) Jamie McCrimmon! JAMIE: Well, he is. ZOE: Just because you are a man, you think that you're superior, do you? JAMIE: Now I didn't say that... Of course, it's true. ZOE: Is it really? Right, coming Isobel? ISOBEL: (Catching on.) What a splendid idea. (And the two step towards the exit of the UNIT plane.) JAMIE: Where are you going? ZOE: (Conspiratorially to ISOBEL.) Do you think we should let him come with us. ISOBEL: Oh, I don't know. Men aren't much good in situations like this. JAMIE: Just a moment, where are you're going? ISOBEL: London... coming? JAMIE: London? Now we shouldn't do anything without the Doctor! (ZOE and ISOBEL aren't listening to him, and in fact exit the plane. He looks back for the DOCTOR, but can't see him anywhere.) JAMIE: Och... (Reluctantly, he follows them. Above, in another section, the DOCTOR is looking through a magnifying glass at some IE circuitry, watched by TURNER.) DOCTOR: This is like looking for the proverbial needle in the proverbial haystack. (He spots something.) DOCTOR: Just a minute... TURNER: Found something? DOCTOR: I don't know. Just a minute. (With a pair of tweezers, he pulls out a small piece of circuitry.) DOCTOR: Yes... Yes, I'm almost sure that this is same sort of circuit that was in Jamie's radio. TURNER: But what does it do? DOCTOR: I've no idea. But it's certainly not part of that equipment. Have a look. (The DOCTOR passes the glass to TURNER.) TURNER: But why put it a circuit... if it doesn't do anything. DOCTOR: Oh, it does something all right. The question is what? [SCENE_BREAK] 12. VAUGHN'S OFFICE (The CYBER-PLANNER is once again active.) CYBER-PLANNER: One hour before invasion, the Cyber-transmitter units will be launched into orbit around Earth. VAUGHN: The effect will be immediate? CYBER-PLANNER: Yes, transmissions will penetrate all areas. VAUGHN: And if it doesn't work? CYBER-PLANNER: Humans cannot resist Cyber-control. Our forces will penetrate all areas and select suitable humans for cybernetic conversion. (This throws VAUGHN a little.) VAUGHN: Conversion to Cybermen? CYBER-PLANNER: Yes. The unsuitable humans will be destroyed. (VAUGHN explodes with anger.) VAUGHN: No, this is not as we agreed! CYBER-PLANNER: It has been decided. VAUGHN: We agreed that I should remain in control of Earth. In return, I supply the minerals you require. You will honour that bargain, otherwise there will be no invasion! CYBER-PLANNER: To control, you must undergo complete conversion and become one of us. VAUGHN: NO! My body may be cybernetic but my mind stays human. That is final!! (The Planner whirrs and transmits.) CYBER-PLANNER: It has been agreed. Discussion concluded. (VAUGHN throws the switch and the alcove door/wall slides shut, and PACKER steps forward from his point at the rear of the room.) PACKER: You don't trust them? VAUGHN: Of course not. I know they'll try to take control from me when the invasion's complete, but then, they don't know about the Cerebraton Machine, do they? PACKER: Well, I don't like it. That thing just said humans can't resist control. How do we know these Cyber transmissions aren't going to affect us? VAUGHN: (Soothes.) They won't. We shall be protected by the implanted audio rejection capsules. You see Packer, I've thought all this out in detail. Nothing has been overlooked. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. UNIT AEROPLANE (Captain TURNER watches as the DOCTOR looks through a magnifying glass at a circuit layout inside one of UNIT's pieces of equipment.) TURNER: Found anything? DOCTOR: No. I'm afraid not. What I really need is laboratory facilities. I'm sure that this micro-monolithic circuit is something to do with the Cybermen's invasion plan. TURNER: Perhaps we can find a lab for you to work in. DOCTOR: Oh no, that's no problem, I can go up to London and use Professor Watkins' laboratory at Travers's house. TURNER: Right. I'll arrange transport. DOCTOR: Thank you. (They both move to the central part of the plane where the BRIGADIER is finishing an order over the radio.) BRIGADIER: I'll arrange for a helicopter to transport the photographic detail here for a briefing. Over. VOICE: (OOV.) Very good, sir. We'll be standing by. Out. DOCTOR: Brigadier? BRIGADIER: Yes, Doctor? DOCTOR: Where's Jamie and Zoe and Isobel. BRIGADIER: I've no idea. Sergeant Walters! (WALTERS comes over.) WALTERS: Yes sir. BRIGADIER: Friends of the Doctors. Any idea where they are? WALTERS: They took a van and went back to London, sir. DOCTOR: (Puzzled.) London? What on earth for? WALTERS: They said that they were going to get something important for the Brigadier, sir. BRIGADIER: For me? WALTERS: Oh no. BRIGADIER: Oh no, they surely couldn't have been so stupid as... Sergeant Walters! WALTERS: Sir? BRIGADIER: Get Benton on the radio link. WALTERS: Yes sir. (WALTERS rushes over to the radio.) DOCTOR: What's the matter? What's happened? BRIGADIER: I'm sorry Doctor, I think those crazy kids have gone off to the sewers to get photos of the Cybermen! (The DOCTOR looks very worried.) DOCTOR: What? [SCENE_BREAK] 14. STREET (BENTON, now wearing a UNIT uniform marked with Corporal's stripes, drives a UNIT Land Rover along a London street and parks along the side. He has three passengers, ZOE, ISOBEL, and JAMIE.) JAMIE: Well at least let's call the Doctor up first. ZOE: Scared Jamie? JAMIE: No... I don't even know what we're going to do. ISOBEL: Well, come on then. (ZOE and ISOBEL climb out of the vehicle.) JAMIE: Och. Women. (BENTON smiles.) RADIO: (OOV.) UNIT Transport Car two-three report in, over. (BENTON picks up the microphone to his radio.) BENTON: Car 23 to UNIT Control. Receiving you, over. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. UNIT AEROPLANE WALTERS: There you are, sir. (WALTERS hands over his microphone in the UNIT Control plane over to the BRIGADIER.) BRIGADIER: This is the Brigadier. Have you still got your passengers? BENTON: (OOV.) No sir. I've just dropped them. (The BRIGADIER sighs.) BRIGADIER: Your position. BENTON: (OOV.) The vicinity of red sector one, sir - Shepherd's Street. WALTERS: That's nearly on top of Vaughn's HQ, sir. BRIGADIER: Benton, listen. Try to make contact with your passengers again and get them to report in to me. BENTON: (OOV.) I'll try sir, but I'm not sure which way they've gone. BRIGADIER: Don't make excuses Benton, this is a top priority situation, out. (He signs off, then turns to Captain TURNER.) BRIGADIER: Jimmy, I want you to take charge of this operation. Get over there at once, will you? TURNER: Right, sir. (He turns to a soldier.) TURNER: Sergeant... DOCTOR: (To the BRIGADIER.) I'll go back to London with them and see if I can make some sense of these circuits. I'll have to leave my three friends in your very capable hands. BRIGADIER: Don't worry, Doctor. We'll get them back. DOCTOR: Thank you. (The DOCTOR quickly turns about and walks off.) BRIGADIER: (After the DOCTOR has left.) I hope. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. SEWERS (A manhole cover rings onto a street and above we hear ZOE and JAMIE's voices.) JAMIE: I'll try up here. ZOE: Good. Go on then, Jamie. Down we go. JAMIE: Me? but och... (He leads the way down, followed by ZOE.) ZOE: (Shouting up the ladder.) RIGHT! COME ON ISOBEL. (JAMIE shushes her, so she calls in a lower tone of voice.) ZOE: Lower your camera down to me. [SCENE_BREAK] 17. STREET (Above them, on the street, ISOBEL starts to climb down into the sewer. Further along the street, a police POLICEMAN sees her.) POLICEMAN: Hey you! What do you think you're doing going down there, you young idiots! (ISOBEL vanishes into the sewer tunnel as Corporal BENTON drives up and parks. He climbs out and joins the POLICEMAN who is leaning over the open manhole, calling down into the sewer.) POLICEMAN: Hey you kids! Come out of here, or I'll come down after you. [SCENE_BREAK] 18. SEWERS (The POLICEMAN's voice echoes along the tunnels.) POLICEMAN: (OOV.) I know you're down there. Are you down there? Are you coming up or do I have to come down to fetch ya? JAMIE: (Whispering.) That's all we need. If he carries on shouting like that, we'll have every Cyberman in the area down on top of us. (ZOE looks down the opposite direction of the tunnel they are in.) ZOE: Shh... Jamie, look, I think that there's something further down the tunnel. ISOBEL: I can't see anything... (She gets her camera ready.) ISOBEL: Just in case though. JAMIE: I think that we'd better get back. (The shape in the distance grows closer.) ZOE: Oh Jamie, look! I was right! (On the tunnel wall a shadow appears. Moments later they can just make out the silver-limbed form of a single Cyberman sort of staggering towards them.) ISOBEL: Fantastic. (She steps forward and begins snapping pictures quickly with her camera.) JAMIE: Come on, back. (They start to move back. Meanwhile, back at the manhole, the POLICEMAN finishes climbing into the sewer and he turns on a torch.) POLICEMAN: (Shouting.) Right, you kids, where are you? Come on now, stop playing about. Are you down there then? (Back down the tunnel, JAMIE gets anxious at the sudden outburst of new shouting from the POLICEMAN and he motions for ZOE and ISOBEL to come on and leave.) POLICEMAN: (OOV.) Come on, come on, I know that you're down here somewhere. (ISOBEL continues to take photos.) JAMIE: Come on, you're just risking our necks. ISOBEL: Just a couple more... JAMIE: There isn't time. Come on! (He lifts ISOBEL up, and shoves the girls back down the tunnel.) JAMIE: Right, come on, out. (They run off. Back at the ladder, the policeman keeps on shouting.) POLICEMAN: Come on, come on, you'll get lost if you go wandering about down there. Come on. (He turns and looks behind himself.) POLICEMAN: What the heck? (He sees two Cybermen approach him and stop. A fierce glow shines from the top of the second Cyberman's chest unit, and the POLICEMAN is caught in its glare. He screams in agony and collapses onto the floor, his dead body glowing so brightly it appears like a photographic negative. JAMIE, ISOBEL, and ZOE freeze in place, gaping at what's happened down the tunnel and suddenly very sorry they came here.) ZOE: The policeman! They killed him! JAMIE: Right, come on! (JAMIE starts to lead the way forward again, but ZOE stops him.) ZOE: Oh, Jamie, no! JAMIE: What? ZOE: Don't you remember... we can't go back that way. JAMIE: And we can't go that way... (Pointing back the way they came.) ...because that Cyberman after... (Then the penny drops.) JAMIE: Yes. They're coming at us from both directions! (They look back down the tunnel in pure horror as the lone Cyberman, crazed and screaming, staggers towards them...)
Plan: A: the Cybermen; Q: What do the Doctor and Jamie tell the Brigadier about? A: Rutledge; Q: Who is under Vaughn's control? Summary: The Doctor and Jamie tell the Brigadier about the Cybermen but with Rutledge under Vaughn's control he is powerless to act.
THE MACRA TERROR by IAN STUART BLACK first broadcast - 18th March, 1967 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. THE BUILDING SITE DOCTOR: Right. Now! MEDOK: No. Look, out there. DOCTOR: I don't see anything. MEDOK: In that patch of moonlight. I told you I'd seen them! (The Doctor and Medok briefly glimpse the crab-like creature. It vanishes into the night.) MEDOK: Ah! That proves it! I wasn't seeing things! DOCTOR: Medok - the guards. They'll hear you. MEDOK: It doesn't matter. They can't lock me up again. Now I can prove it. We know they're real. DOCTOR: Medok. OLA: Medok. I know you're in there. Come out quietly. MEDOK: You can put that gun away. I'm coming. OLA: Who's with you? MEDOK: The Doctor. OLA: What are you doing here? MEDOK: Don't waste time. Come on over here. OLA: Stay where you are. MEDOK: Listen, I came out to show you. OLA: Stand still! MEDOK: It's the Macra, Ola! They are real! Ask the Doctor. He'll tell you. DOCTOR: Yes, I think I can confirm... OLA: We don't want to know what the strangers think. DOCTOR: Well, it might be as well to... OLA: Ha, ha, ha. Where do you think you're going? DOCTOR: I just thought I'd go and have a look. OLA: Stay where you are. Guards - search him. DOCTOR: (To Medok.) What will they do to us? OLA: I'll tell you. You're going before the Pilot. You are in the company of an escaped criminal. And you were out in the Colony at night. MEDOK: I'm sorry, Doctor. I thought he'd listen to reason. DOCTOR: Reason's the last thing a man like Ola will listen to. MEDOK: You're going to be in trouble, and it's my fault. OLA: Silence! Pilot's headquarters. Move! [SCENE_BREAK] 2. PILOT'S OFFICE (The pilot is speaking into a microphone.) PILOT: ...shifts to stand by for greater efforts during working hours. The gas from the pits must be kept in constant supply at even greater pressures. Remember the life of the colony is dependent upon this gas. All industry and activity... (An alarm sounds.) VOICE: Emergency call. Emergency call. PILOT: Yes. Go ahead, emergency. VOICE: Ola requests audience immediately. Ola requests audience immediately. PILOT: Look, I'm extremely busy. Unless this is a major crisis, I really don't... VOICE: Medok has been taken prisoner and one of the strangers has been captured with him. PILOT: Bring the stranger in. (The Doctor enters.) DOCTOR: Good evening, Pilot. Oh, what a very nice office you have here. PILOT: Now what's this all about, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, I... OLA: We found both of them in the new buildings, Pilot. PILOT: At night? How did he get there? Wasn't there a guard on his sleeping quarters? OLA: All my guards were out looking for Medok, Pilot. PILOT: I see. Very well. You may leave us, Ola. I will conduct the investigation myself. DOCTOR: Oh, forgive me. This is interesting - a telescopic viewing machine, hmm? I imagine you can keep track on the entire Colony from here and direct intercommunication between all parts. Hmm. Very up-to-date, I imagine. Excellent, excellent. And what... PILOT: You don't seem to realize how serious this business is, Doctor. You have committed a crime. DOCTOR: A crime? PILOT: What were you doing with Medok? You know he's a dangerous man. DOCTOR: I'm not so sure, Pilot. PILOT: You have already been told. He has refused to cooperate and to obey orders. He suffers from hallucinations. DOCTOR: Ah, that's the point. Does he? PILOT: And what exactly do you mean by that? DOCTOR: Let me perhaps explain. (The intercom sounds.) PILOT: Well, what is it now? I've already said that I don't want to be interrupted. OLA: Ola reporting, Pilot. PILOT: Well, what is it? OLA: Medok has made a statement. It completely changes the situation. PILOT: Oh, very well. Bring him in. DOCTOR: I hope you are not going to listen to everything that Medok tells you? PILOT: Why, Doctor? Are you afraid of something he might say? DOCTOR: Well, in his state of mind he might say anything. (Ola and Medok enter.) MEDOK: Doctor. How have they been treating you? OLA: Silence! DOCTOR: Perfectly all right, thank you. OLA: Medok's made a further statement, Pilot. It's about the Doctor. PILOT: Ah. DOCTOR: Aha. PILOT: Yes, Medok? MEDOK: The Doctor wasn't helping me. He was trying to make me give myself up. PILOT: Well, that was extremely brave. Why didn't you tell us this? DOCTOR: Well, as a matter of fact... MEDOK: Captain Ola didn't give him a chance. PILOT: I see. Well, it seems we owe you an apology, Doctor. MEDOK: It's better we tell the truth, Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes. Thank you Medok. I... I quite understand. PILOT: Take him away. OLA: Come on Medok. (Ola and Medok leave Pilot's office.) PILOT: Well, I'm extremely sorry about it, Doctor, and of course you're free to go. DOCTOR: What will happen to Medok? PILOT: Oh. Well, he'll be taken back to the hospital for correction. He'll be given another course of treatment. And when he returns to the Colony, Medok will be a changed man. He will cooperate and he will obey orders. He'll be just like the rest of us. DOCTOR: Why do you want everyone to be the same? PILOT: Doctor, this colony was founded many centuries ago by our ancestors who came from the Earth planet, like your young friends. Our ancestors believed in the virtues of healthy happiness and we have tried to keep their ideals alive. Sometimes, alas, it is necessary to use force. (To intercom.) The Doctor will be returning to his quarters now. VOICE: The Doctor's escort is ready. PILOT: Well, I'm sorry to have disturbed you, Doctor, and many thanks again for your help. DOCTOR: Not at all. Thank you. Goodnight. (The Doctor goes to open the door, but it is locked.) PILOT: Oh, I'm so sorry. (Pilot unlocks the door.) PILOT: Goodnight. (The Doctor leaves. The screen with the static image of the Controller lights up. A fanfare sounds.) VOICE OF CONTROL: The Doctor and his friends are to be given the advantage of high powered adaption at once. They must begin to think like members of the Colony. They are to have deep sleep and thinking patterns. We cannot have criticism from these strangers! The work to do it - it must begin immediately. PILOT: (To intercom.) Emergency order from Control, top priority. Are all the cubicles connected? VOICE: The rest cubicles for the four strangers are all connected for deep sleep and thought patterns. PILOT: Very good. The process is to begin immediately. (To Control.) Your instructions are being carried out. CONTROL: That is good. This is an emergency. Control must be believed and obeyed! No one on the Colony believes in Macra! There is no such thing as Macra! Macra do not exist! There are no Macra! [SCENE_BREAK] 3. JAMIE AND BEN'S REST CUBICLE (Ben sleeps soundly, but Jamie less so. A quiet, calm voice is piped into the cubicle.) VOICE: The sleeper must relax and believe. Everything in the Colony is good and beautiful. You must accept it without question. You must obey orders. The leaders of the Colony know what is best. In the morning when you wake up you will be given some work. You will be glad to obey. You will question nothing in the Colony. JAMIE: (Whispering.) Ben? Ben? BEN: Huh? What is it? JAMIE: I heard something. BEN: Oh, you're always hearing something. JAMIE: I never heard a voice like this before. Ben? BEN: I'm asleep. JAMIE: It was evil, Ben - an evil voice. An evil that spoke so gently and yet... yet I almost believed what it said. BEN: Oh, look, mate. Get some sleep. We got a hard day's work ahead of us tomorrow. JAMIE: Why do you say that? BEN: Well, we've got to do something to help in the Colony. We can't just eat their nosh without helping out. JAMIE: You sound just like that voice, Ben. BEN: Oh, what are you on about? This colony's all right. It won't be too bad to work here. JAMIE: I never heard you talk that way before, Ben. (Ben sleeps on.) VOICE: You will not resist the sleeping gas. Breathe deeply. In the morning, when you wake, you will obey. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. POLLY'S CUBICLE (Polly is asleep. The Doctor enters, trying not to wake her. He examines the wall, and finds a concealed wire. He shorts this out, causing a small explosion.) DOCTOR: Wake up, Polly. POLLY: Doctor? What on earth are you doing? DOCTOR: I've been scotching a rumour. Or should I say, scorching. POLLY: What happened? DOCTOR: Polly, I think you've been listening to some very bad advice. POLLY: But I've been asleep. DOCTOR: Yes, I know you have. Fast asleep. Very fast asleep. Polly, do you smell anything? A sort of sweet perfume? POLLY: No. DOCTOR: Never mind. Polly, I want you to forget everything that you've been dreaming. POLLY: Why do you say that? DOCTOR: Well, it's just possible that you've been given a series of orders while you've been asleep. You know, do this, do that, do the other thing. My advice to you is don't do anything of the sort. Don't just be obedient. Always make up your own mind. What am I thinking of? Ben and Jamie! [SCENE_BREAK] 5. BEN AND JAMIE'S CUBICLE (The Doctor enters.) BEN: (Waking up.) Hello, Doctor. Is it morning? DOCTOR: No, not yet. Nearly so. BEN: What are you up to? DOCTOR: Well, by my calculations, there should be a thin strand of wire in the wall here, like a nerve tapping the subconscious of the human brain. BEN: Lay off, mate. You'll find yourself on a charge. DOCTOR: Should be here somewhere. Ah! BEN: Pack it in, Doctor. The way you mess about you could do some damage. DOCTOR: Better some damage than loss of will power. BEN: What are you on about? Look, get out of it. It's against the law. DOCTOR: What law?! BEN: The law of the Colony. Don't do that! (The Doctor shorts the wire.) BEN: Now you'll get chucked in jail. (Polly hears the Doctor and Ben arguing.) POLLY: What's the matter with you, Ben? Since when did you start to worry? BEN: He thinks he knows best all the time, but this time he's wrong. JAMIE: Hey, what's all the noise? DOCTOR: Jamie, how did you sleep? JAMIE: Oh, very badly, Doctor. I told Ben I kept hearing wee voices. DOCTOR: That's a good sign. That means they haven't been able to get very deeply into your brain. JAMIE: Eh? I don't understand? DOCTOR: I'll show you. Watch this. (He burns out another circuit.) BEN: You're fools, all of you! Just look what you've done! You've smashed up all this equipment! POLLY: Yes, but look here. If they were trying to make us believe a whole load of rubbish... BEN: Rubbish? It's not rubbish. Control knows what's best for us. They want us to cooperate. We should be helping. POLLY: What's the matter with you Ben? This doesn't sound like you at all. BEN: We should learn to obey. The Doctor's causing trouble. I'm going to turn him in. JAMIE: You don't know what you're doing, Ben. (Jamie attempts to stop Ben leaving.) BEN: Get off me! POLLY: What's the matter with him? DOCTOR: I'm very much afraid I'm too late. POLLY: Ben! BEN: Let go of me. POLLY: Ben! BEN: Guards! (He goes outside.) BEN: Guards! POLLY: Don't let him go. DOCTOR: No, it's no use, Jamie. JAMIE: But we cannot let him go, Doctor. DOCTOR: You'll have to. Violence will get you nowhere. POLLY: Doctor, he's going to go and tell the guards. We've got to get you out of here. DOCTOR: We can't leave Ben. JAMIE: But he betrayed you. DOCTOR: No, no. Not Ben. He's not in control of his actions. He's been given a series of instructions and he can't help himself. POLLY: Yes but he... (Ben returns to the cubicle with Ola.) BEN: That's Him! He prodded about in the wall and smashed up our equipment. OLA: This time we've got the evidence, and from one of your own friends. Come on, Doctor. JAMIE: Leave him alone. OLA: Get out of my way. That's an order. JAMIE: I take orders from no one but the Doctor. OLA: All right, you're coming too. Get out both of you! DOCTOR: Thank you, Jamie, but I'd better go with Captain Ola. POLLY: But Doctor, what will they do to you? BEN: He should be in that hospital of yours. JAMIE: You traitor. You... OLA: That's enough! (Ola leaves with the Doctor and Jamie.) BEN: The hospital. He needs correction more than Medok does. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. HOSPITAL WARD (Medok is strapped to a bed. A voice over the loudspeakers repeats endlessly.) VOICE: You wish to cooperate. You have seen no strange creatures. You will work hard and happily. Hard and happily. You wish to cooperate. You have seen no strange creatures. PILOT: It's a very difficult case, I'm afraid. Nothing much we can do. He's too far gone to help. No, he'll never be happy like the rest of us. All we can do is send him to the pits for life. MEDOK: Can't hide the truth. (An alarm sounds.) PILOT: Yes, what is it? What's that? The Doctor? I'll come at once. Keep at it. (Medok is still trying to resist.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. REST CUBICLE POLLY: What did you do it for? The Doctor's our friend. BEN: I had to do my duty. POLLY: Well, you go on doing it, then. I'm going to go and find out where the others have gone. BEN: Look, Polly, you'd better stay here. POLLY: Go on, report me. BEN: Now look. Come back, Polly. (She leaves the room.) BEN: Polly! Polly! [SCENE_BREAK] 8. BUILDING SITE (The strange noises of the Macra are heard. Ben is searching for Polly.) BEN: Polly, where are you? Polly? You'll be in trouble. (Looking around.) BEN: Don't fool about, Polly. You must obey Control. (Ben moves a piece of timber.) BEN: Polly? (He finds her.) BEN: Stop! POLLY: Leave me alone. BEN: You're coming back to the guard. POLLY: What's the matter with you, Ben? Wake up! BEN: You're coming with me, girl. You broke the Colony law. (Polly screams.) BEN: What's the matter with you? (She points into the darkness.) BEN: There's nothing there. POLLY: But, there was! I saw it! A huge face, like an insect, or a giant crab. It was horrible and it was looking at us and... and... and it had claws. Claws like we saw on the time scanner. BEN: There's nothing there. Come on. POLLY: No, not that way. BEN: Look you're just trying to dodge off. POLLY: No, no. Please no. I'm not, but... but please look. BEN: There is nothing there! POLLY: Ben. (A creature appears.) POLLY: What is it? BEN: I... I don't know. POLLY: Well, what are we going to do? BEN: There is nothing evil or harmful in this colony. POLLY: How can you believe that, studge? BEN: It stands to reason. It's safe. There is nothing here. (A giant claw grabs Polly. Ben grabs a piece of timber and desperately beats at the claw.) POLLY: (Screams.) Ben, what is this? Get it off me, Ben! It's got my foot! Ben, help! (She screams. Ben fights the creature. The creature releases Polly and moves away.) POLLY: Oh, it was horrible! BEN: It's all right. I think it's going away. (Polly is still shaken.) POLLY: Ben, behind you! There's another one! Ahh! Ben, they're all around us! BEN: Polly, you make a run for it, and I'll keep them here. POLLY: No, you won't stand a chance. BEN: We can't stop here. Come on, quick! Ahh! POLLY: Ahh! [SCENE_BREAK] 9. PILOT'S OFFICE (The Doctor and Jamie stand before Pilot's desk.) PILOT: You have destroyed three nerve circuits, Doctor. You have burned them out. What have you to say? DOCTOR: Rather neat, don't you think? And so simple. I did it with this. PILOT: You admit it? DOCTOR: I'm proud of it. (The Doctor looks at Pilot's wall.) PILOT: What is it? What's the matter? DOCTOR: My dear Pilot, your wall? Even you were subjected to this form of subconscious control? PILOT: Leave that alone. (The Doctor finds another circuit and proceeds to short it.) DOCTOR: That's better. PILOT: You will be punished for this. DOCTOR: The least you can do is to say thank you. OLA: (OOV.) Pilot! PILOT: What is it? OLA: It's the young man who reported the Doctor, Pilot. PILOT: What about him? OLA: He has another report, Pilot. An urgent one. PILOT: Very well, Ola, you may leave. I will deal with it. (Ben and Polly are shown in. Polly is still visibly shaken.) JAMIE: Who are you stabbing in the back this time? DOCTOR: Polly? Polly? What's the matter? POLLY: Doctor, it was horrible. A great insect, like... like a crab. It got hold of me. Ben got me free. JAMIE: Ben did? POLLY: And he was nearly killed himself. PILOT: Silence. (To Ben.) Did you protect the girl from such creatures? BEN: She ran away. I went after her. PILOT: Did you protect her, and were there such creatures? BEN: No. There were no such creatures. POLLY: Ben! BEN: There are no such things as Macra. POLLY: But you saw them! BEN: There were no such creatures! There are no such things as Macra! DOCTOR: Don't blame him, Polly. JAMIE: But you heard him. DOCTOR: I told you. Ben has come under control of the evil forces at the heart of this colony. PILOT: That is quite untrue. Control always acts for the best. DOCTOR: Who is Control? PILOT: You've seen our Controller. DOCTOR: Have I? I don't remember. PILOT: Well switch on then. We've nothing to hide. (The screen lights up.) (Fanfare.) CONTROL: Controller speaking. We know everything that's happened. The poor girl has had hallucinations. (Fanfare.) JAMIE: That's not the Controller. That's just a picture of a man. PILOT: It is a picture of our Controller. JAMIE: Well, where is he? I'll wager he doesn't exist. PILOT: Of course he does. JAMIE: Well, let's see him then. PILOT: That's not necessary. JAMIE: Well, I don't believe he's there. PILOT: Of course he is, you've heard his voice. DOCTOR: Why don't you show him to us then? PILOT: Well all right. If you wish, I'll ask. Ah, as you can hear, Control, they... they ask to see you in person. DOCTOR: That set the cat among the pigeons. JAMIE: They've not got him there. (On screen we see a frail old man. He stands silently.) VOICE OF CONTROL: This is your Controller. This is your Controller. JAMIE: But he's an old man. PILOT: Well, now you've seen the Controller. JAMIE: Well let him speak. VOICE OF CONTROL: Be silent! That is an order! POLLY: Let him speak. PILOT: Be silent! JAMIE: Ah, he's not giving the orders. He can't talk. VOICE OF CONTROL: This is the man. You will hear him speak. Speak, Controller, speak! CONTROLLER: Speak? Am I to speak? VOICE OF CONTROL: Tell the strangers to believe and obey! CONTROLLER: I... I will tell them. I will tell them. I... I'll do what you say. Keep away. Don't touch me. I'll obey. (A claw is seen on screen dragging the old man off.) JAMIE: What's that? What's happening! POLLY: Doctor, that was it - that thing in the picture! That was the claw! They're in control. PILOT: Take them out of here. They are condemned to the pits! POLLY: Macra! PILOT: Take them away! POLLY: They're in control!
Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who is unable to convince the colonists that the Macra exist? A: his companions results; Q: Who does the Doctor try to brainwash? A: his friends; Q: Who does Ben betray? Summary: The Doctor is unable to convince the colonists that the Macra exist and an attempt to brainwash his companions results in Ben betraying his friends.
THE ANDROIDS OF TARA BY: DAVID FISHER Part Three Running time: 23:52 [SCENE_BREAK] ZADEK: Are you mad? ARCHIMANDRITE: Seize him! He's killed the Princess. FARRAH: Stop! That's not the Princess. ARCHIMANDRITE: It's an android. ZADEK: How did you know? DOCTOR: A circuit must have been faulty. I heard it spark. GRENDEL: And who might you be, pray? ARCHIMANDRITE: But it doesn't make sense. Why send an android to swear loyalty to the King? DOCTOR: To get close enough to kill him. ARCHIMANDRITE: But who would want to kill the King? DOCTOR: Ah. ARCHIMANDRITE: Unless GRENDEL: My dear Archimandrite, what are you suggesting? ZADEK: Treachery against His Majesty. GRENDEL: Take care what you say, Zadek. Your Eminence, I suggest we postpone the oath-taking for the time being. Who knows how many other programmed androids there may be. ARCHIMANDRITE: You think there are more? GRENDEL: It is a possibility we must face, your Eminence. I shall leave my own personal guard here to protect His Majesty. ZADEK: I'm afraid I cannot permit that, Count. GRENDEL: It is not for you to say. ZADEK: As Commander of His Majesty's bodyguard, it is my decision and mine alone. GRENDEL: You presume too much, Zadek. Well, what does His Majesty have to say on the matter? He is very quiet. DOCTOR: Ahem. His Majesty is very tired. Can't you talk about this tomorrow? GRENDEL: Who the devil are you, sir? DOCTOR: I'm the King's Doctor. ARCHIMANDRITE: Is His Majesty ill? DOCTOR: No, nothing a nice rest won't cure. He'll be all right tomorrow. ARCHIMANDRITE: I understand, Doctor. Come, Count. We must allow His Majesty to rest. GRENDEL: But what of the danger? DOCTOR: What possible danger can His Majesty be in from his own personal bodyguard, Count? ZADEK: Will he be all right tomorrow? DOCTOR: Not unless I can recharge his power packs and repair his speech circuits. [SCENE_BREAK] LAMIA: Is this yours? ROMANA: Yes. LAMIA: What is it? ROMANA: What is it? LAMIA: Yes. What is it made of? ROMANA: Oh, I've no idea. I only found it the other day. LAMIA: It's like no substance I have ever seen before. I have blunted two diamond drills on it. ROMANA: Well, perhaps it's some kind of quartz? LAMIA: This is no quartz. ROMANA: Well, if you don't want it, could I have it back? You've no use for it, have you? LAMIA: I don't suppose it matters. What could you possibly do with it? No. ROMANA: Why not? LAMIA: I'm curious. It looks as though it might be part of something. ROMANA: Part of what? GRENDEL: It failed. The machine failed. That doctor saw at once it was an android. LAMIA: My lord, I did warn you it wasn't ready. ROMANA: What doctor? GRENDEL: Oh, some strange doctor who's attending the Prince. LAMIA: We hold the real Prince. What you have seen must have been an android. GRENDEL: Obviously. Do you know this doctor? ROMANA: No. GRENDEL: I think you do. Lamia, prepare another android. An exact copy precise to the last detail. I have an idea. Our guest can help us. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Master. DOCTOR: K9. K9: I have located the mistress. She is in Castle Gracht. DOCTOR: Are you sure? K9: Affirmative, master. I detected her presence quite distinctly. DOCTOR: Good. Well, that means the Count has Romana, the real Princess and the Prince. ZADEK: So Grendel now holds all the cards. DOCTOR: No, I wouldn't say that. We've still got a prince of sorts. ZADEK: He has to attend the convocation with the Archimandrite and the priests. Will he be able to? DOCTOR: Well, K9, what would happen if I connect the carbon circuit to the silicon circuit? How long would they last? DOCTOR: Come on. K9: Three hours nine minutes and ten point seven seconds, approximately. [SCENE_BREAK] GRENDEL: Comfortable, my dear? LAMIA: My lord? GRENDEL: What is it? LAMIA: These are like no alpha waves I have ever seen before. GRENDEL: What do you mean? LAMIA: She is not Taran. GRENDEL: Then what is she? LAMIA: I don't know. I need more time for evaluation. GRENDEL: Time we don't have, my dear. Just programme another android to kill, that's all, but this time make sure it's a perfect copy. LAMIA: Yes, my lord. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Go on, ask him a question. Go on. ZADEK: The question of monastic lands. That's bound to come up at the convocation. What is His Majesty's position on that? GEORGE: Monastic lands are held by the religious orders under the protection of the Crown. Those lands and that protection may be withdrawn at my discretion at any time. ZADEK: Good. GEORGE: I propose to be discreet for the time being. ZADEK: Yes. Doctor, the Prince GEORGE: King. ZADEK: Oh, quite so, your Majesty. DOCTOR: Zadek. ZADEK: Oh, drat. I keep forgetting he's only an android. Doctor, the King seems to be, how shall I say, a trifle more DOCTOR: Intelligent than the real one? Well, of course he is. I programmed him. ZADEK: We don't want him too intelligent, Doctor. You can't trust androids, you know. DOCTOR: It's funny, you know. That's what some androids say about people. ZADEK: What? DOCTOR: Anyway, how can you possibly be frightened of something that goes pfft if it short-circuits? FARRAH: Someone to speak to the Doctor, sir. ZADEK: Who? DOCTOR: Ah. TILL: My name is Till. I am but a servant to the Count. ZADEK: And what do you want? TILL: My mission is with the doctor, Swordsman, not with thee. FARRAH: You dare to refuse to speak to a Master of the Sword? TILL: Swordsman, I will speak only to the doctor. Those are my orders. DOCTOR: Quite right, too. Quite right. We peasants have got to stick together. Now then, what can I do for you, huh? TILL: I have a message from Madame Lamia. DOCTOR: Lamia? TILL: Yeah, she's Count Grendel's woman, a peasant. DOCTOR: Well? TILL: She would have me tell you that she fears for the Count's safety. DOCTOR: Why? TILL: Now they've crowned the android King, the Count is politically powerless. DOCTOR: Shush. Come over here. FARRAH: I suppose he can be trusted? GEORGE: Who, the servant or the Doctor? FARRAH: The Doctor, of course. (to Zadek) He can be trusted, can't he, sir? ZADEK: I wish we knew more about him. FARRAH: There's only one way to settle this. K9: Do not activate your sword. FARRAH: Good dog. Good dog. DOCTOR: Lamia's offered us a deal. ZADEK: What? DOCTOR: Romana in exchange for the safe conduct out of the country of Count Grendel. ZADEK: You refused, of course. DOCTOR: No, no, I accepted. I'm to take a written undertaking from you and the King for Grendel's safety, then Lamia and her friends will pass Romana over to me. FARRAH: It's an obvious trap. You can't go. DOCTOR: Yes, I can. ZADEK: Where is the meeting to take place? DOCTOR: At a place called the Pavilion of the Summer Winds. Do you know where it is? ZADEK: Yes. It's on Grendel's estate, in the woods near the castle. DOCTOR: Good. I shall have to go alone, of course. It's funny, they always want you to go alone when you're walking into a trap. Have you noticed that? [SCENE_BREAK] GRENDEL: You've excelled yourself, my dear Lamia. It's absolutely perfect. Don't you agree? ROMANA: The Doctor'll spot it immediately. GRENDEL: In the dark at a distance of twenty feet? I think not, my dear. ROMANA: He'll know it's a trap. GRENDEL: Of course! That's what gives the situation such a delicious edge. ROMANA: He won't come. GRENDEL: You underestimate your friend, my dear. Of course he'll come. What else could he do? It's his only chance of rescuing you. Oh, he'll be very careful, very cautious. He'll bide his time. But sooner or later he must find out if that figure in the Pavilion is you or not. And when he does. Show her, Lamia. DOCTOR (OOV.): Hello, Romana. How are you? GRENDEL: Rather ingenious, don't you think? You are to be congratulated, my dear. ROMANA: How did you get the voice? LAMIA: The Count's man, Till, recorded his voice patterns when they parleyed. Once I have the pattern, the construction of speech is a simple matter. ROMANA: It won't work. GRENDEL: Why not? ROMANA: Well, supposing the Doctor doesn't speak? LAMIA: The android is also programmed to kill in various other ways. GRENDEL: You see before you the complete killing machine, as beautiful as you and as deadly as the plague. If only she were real, I'd marry her. ROMANA: You deserve each other. GRENDEL: Come, my dear. LAMIA: Guard! Guard! LAMIA: What kept you so long? Bring this one back to the cells. [SCENE_BREAK] LAMIA: Leave us. I will lock up the prisoner. ROMANA: You know, if Grendel does become king, he'll never make you his queen. LAMIA: Nor you, either. I will see to that. ROMANA: Ah, but I don't want him and you do, don't you. Look, why don't you let me go? All you have to do is release me and the Doctor, and I'll leave Tara. Think about it. What have you got to lose? LAMIA: Grendel. ROMANA: Well, you haven't exactly got him now, have you? All he's doing is using you. LAMIA: I know. But that is better than nothing. ROMANA: Now, how does the Doctor do this? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Shush. Steady, K9, steady. Let's take a look. [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: Shush. We're getting out of here. REYNART: Save yourself. ROMANA: And leave you behind? They'll kill you. REYNART: I'm, I'm too weak. I'd only get in the way. ROMANA: Listen, Grendel's taken most of the guards with him. Now's our chance. REYNART: Then take it. Don't waste time with me. Tell Zadek where I am. He'll know what to do. REYNART: That's it. ROMANA: Okay. REYNART: Like that. Good. Ready? ROMANA: Go ahead. ROMANA: Guard! Guard! Guard, quickly! The Prince! [SCENE_BREAK] KURSTER: My lord. The men are in position, my lord. GRENDEL: Good. Await my signal. Tell them to be ready. KURSTER: Yes, sir. GRENDEL: You know what to do, my dear. LAMIA: Yes. When this Doctor arrives, you leave him to me. GRENDEL: What should I do without you? LAMIA: Find another peasant who understands androids, no doubt. GRENDEL: True, but I should not find one who pleased me so much. GRENDEL: Go now, before he arrives. [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: Go, Charger. Start. Start! Go, you stupid creature, go! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Hello. You're early. LAMIA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes. Madame Lamia, is it? LAMIA: We agreed to meet at midnight. DOCTOR: Yes, but I had nothing better to do so I thought I'd come early. What's your reason? LAMIA: Do I need one? DOCTOR: No, but it would have been fun to hear it. Where's Romana? LAMIA: You agree to my terms? DOCTOR: I do indeed. Safe conduct for Count Grendel in return for Romana, also safe and sound. LAMIA: Yes. DOCTOR: Where is Romana? You realise, of course, that Count Grendel will have to go into exile, but there's no reason then why you can't go into exile with him, is there? Where's Romana? LAMIA: Outside. DOCTOR: You bring her in. It's a good offer, Lamia. A fair offer. LAMIA: Well, Doctor, aren't you going to greet your friend? K9: Caution, master. DOCTOR: What is it, K9? LAMIA: Kill him! Kill him! Kill him! DOCTOR: In focus, K9? K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: Now! [SCENE_BREAK] GRENDEL: Something's gone wrong. Attack the Pavilion! LAMIA: My lord! My lord! GRENDEL: You fools! That was Madame Lamia! Hold your fire! GRENDEL: Doctor, I know you're in there. There's only one entrance to that pavilion. Come out, Doctor. Surrender. We won't harm you. (to Kurster) Tell the bowmen to fire immediately they see the target. I want him destroyed. Well, Doctor? Are you coming out? You have my word as a Gracht you will not be harmed. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Ill-advised, master. DOCTOR: What? You just leave it to me, K9. I know exactly what I'm doing. DOCTOR: Liar! DOCTOR: It's time we got out of here, isn't it, K9. K9: Affirmative, master. DOCTOR: Around here, do you think? K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] KURSTER: There he is! He's got out! GRENDEL: Ten thousand gold pieces to the man who shoots the Doctor! GRENDEL: Wait. Listen. KURSTER: The Princess! Hold your fire! DOCTOR: Everyone for himself, K9! GRENDEL: Fools! Dolts! That wasn't the Princess, it was Romana! After them! DOCTOR: I hope you know how to stop this thing when we get there. [SCENE_BREAK] ZADEK: While Grendel still thinks we're in the Palace, we may be able to surprise him. You must bring up a troop of bowmen under cover of darkness and position them on the left flank, here. ZADEK: Doctor! FARRAH: It's the Princess! ROMANA: No, I'm Romana. ZADEK: Incredible. DOCTOR: Isn't it? ROMANA: Ah, this must be the android King. DOCTOR: Yes. We call him George. ROMANA: And these gentlemen? DOCTOR: Oh, they're real, I think. ZADEK: This is Swordsman Farrah. I am Swordmaster Zadek. ROMANA: Zadek? I have a message for you from the real king. ZADEK: You've seen His Majesty? How is he? ROMANA: He's not very well. We must think of a plan to rescue him. DOCTOR: (at the door) Horseman approaching. FARRAH: (looking through the window) Under a flag of truce. It's Count Grendel! I'll kill the traitor! ZADEK: Not if he comes under a flag of truce. You know the articles of war, Swordsman. FARRAH: I'm not sure Count Grendel does, sir. ZADEK: Disarm the Count, then, and bring him in. GRENDEL: Good day, gentlemen. I come to you under a flag of truce and expect to be treated according to the usages of war. ZADEK: What do you want? GRENDEL: How are you, your android Majesty? GEORGE: I. Am. Well. GRENDEL: He doesn't sound it. Power packs need recharging, I expect. DOCTOR: Nothing that can't be fixed, Count. GRENDEL: Oh, Doctor! Well, there you are. I was glad you managed to escape safely. DOCTOR: Yes, well, so was I. GRENDEL: Tell me now, where is the charming Romana? ZADEK: What do you want, Count Grendel? GRENDEL: Only a word with the Doctor, according to the usages of war. DOCTOR: Me? GRENDEL: Shall we? GRENDEL: Ah, excellent. DOCTOR: Well? GRENDEL: Oh, Doctor, you're a remarkable man. DOCTOR: I am? GRENDEL: Yes, a man after my own heart. DOCTOR: I am? GRENDEL: Here you are, new to Taran politics, and in no time at all what have you become? DOCTOR: I don't know. Go on, you tell me. GRENDEL: Kingmaker extraordinary. Thanks to you keeping that micro-circuitry going, Zadek has his king. But have you thought what would happen if something went seriously wrong, like an overload on the circuits? DOCTOR: What would happen? GRENDEL: Your usefulness ceases. DOCTOR: What? GRENDEL: You know too much. You become a dangerous embarrassment to Zadek. An embarrassment to be got rid of, and don't think he wouldn't. DOCTOR: What's the answer? GRENDEL: Suppose we both unmade our kings. No more King Reynart at all. DOCTOR: What? What would that achieve? GRENDEL: A vacancy for a new king. DOCTOR: Ah. You, I suppose? GRENDEL: No, no, no, Doctor, no. There would be opposition. No, I was thinking you'd make an excellent king. DOCTOR: Me? Just a moment. DOCTOR: The Count's just offered me the throne. ZADEK: That's treason, Count. GRENDEL: Only so long as the King is alive! ZADEK: Seize him! [SCENE_BREAK] FARRAH: Why did you do that? DOCTOR: Because he's got Romana. Look! ROMANA: Stop! Let me go! Doctor, Doctor, help me! Doctor!
Plan: A: the King; Q: Whose confirmation has been put on hold? A: king; Q: What does Count Grendal want to become in the Princes place? A: time; Q: The Doctor works on repairing the android of the future king in what? A: his plans; Q: What did Count Grendal interrupt to stop the confirmation of the King? Summary: The confirmation of the King has been put on hold, and the Doctor works on repairing the android of the future king in time. Count Grendal meanwhile, having had his plans interrupted works to stop the confirmation so he can become king in the Princes place.
[Scene: Manor. There's a small earthquake. It stops and Prue, Piper and Phoebe come down the stairs.] Phoebe: Oh god. Not another after shock. Prue: Yeah, well, at least they're getting smaller. What was the main one? 4.3? Piper: The radio said 4.5. Phoebe: There you go Grams. (She straightens up a picture of Grams.) Earthquakes give me the jeebies. Prue: Would that be the Phoebe Jeebies? Phoebe: Oh, you know. It's the comedy stylings of Prue Halliwell. Piper: You're the only Halliwell that actually likes earthquakes. Prue: I don't like them, but I don't go running through the house naked screaming "run for your life" either. Phoebe: Okay. That is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers. (They walk into the kitchen.) Prue: Okay, okay, okay. Does anybody smell that? Piper: Yeah, uh, I caught a whiff of it first thing this morning. I think it's coming from the basement. Prue: Gas leak? Piper: I don't know. I called someone to come out a check. They should be here any ... (Doorbell rings) Now. I'll get it. (She goes to get it.) Prue: We're never gonna pull this off. Phoebe: Everything's going to be fine. Prue: Yeah, until the house blows up. Look, this Bucklands VIP specifically requested for the dinner party to be here. Now, Claire may have prodded me into agreeing, but the point is I did agree, and, and... Phoebe: Nothing has changed. Piper's gonna cook a feast. I will serve with grace. And Claire will kiss your ass (Piper clears her throat as she enters the room with the gas man) Trinomial talents. Gas man: Morning ladies. Wow. That's the smell? (Phoebe nods.) Doesn't really smell like gas. Prue: Yeah, but if it is, we can't light the stove. No stove. No dinner. Piper: Relax. If we have to, I could have it cooked at the restaurant and brought here. Gas man: Well, let me check it out and see what's up. Piper: Great thanks. The basement is thataway. Gas man: Okay. (The gas man walks into the basement.) Piper: Look Phoebe. He's going into the basement, alone. Phoebe: Don't even start. Prue: Yeah. What if, dare I say it, the boogyman gets him. Piper: I believe Phoebe pronounced it Woggyman, or was that just the buckteeth? Phoebe: Okay. I was five years old you guys. Prue: Oh, so, what, now you're over it, which is why you haven't been down there in what? Eighteen years? Phoebe: Okay, you guys were not there. It was real, it was ... Piper: A story. Grams told you she got rid of the Woogyman in the basement so you could sleep better. [Cut to the basement. The gas man is looking around. The light goes out and he turns on his flashlight. He sees a crack in the ground and kneels down to get a closer look. He grabs his screwdriver and sticks it in the crack. Black fog or smoke rises out of the crack. It's the Woogyman.] Gas man: What the ... ? (The Woogyman enters his body and the gas man becomes evil.) [Cut back to the kitchen. Piper's holding the mail.] Piper: Who's Chanda Lier? Phoebe: Oh, there for me. I ordered some CD's. Piper: Using a fake name to score some free CD's. Isn't that a little dishonest? Prue: Is Phoebe's dark side rearing it's ugly head? Phoebe: I do not have a dark side thank you very much. And just because I protect the innocent, doesn't mean I have to be innocent all the time. Piper: Ooh, I don't know. Still believing in the Woogyman is pretty innocent. It's so cute too. Prue: Yeah, well, you didn't think it was so cute when we were all sharing a room which kept you up all night. Phoebe: It was scary and it was real. (The gas man walks out of the basement.) Piper: So? What's the verdict? Gas man: Bad. Prue: Bad as in destroy my entire dinner party or bad as in you can fix quickly, it'll just cost more than my entire education. Gas man: By tonight there will be no more problems. (He walks back in the basement.) Prue: Okay, I'm off. (She leaves the kitchen.) Piper: Yeah, uh, I gotta go too. I'm going to the wine store. Here, for you. (She hands Phoebe the mail.) Phoebe: Thanks. [Cut to the basement.] Gas man: (Talking to his shadow) Which one do you want? Phoebe: (from the top of the stairs) Uh, I'll just be upstairs if you need me. (The shadow points.) Shadow: Phoebe. (The gas man nods.) Opening Credits [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. She's picking things up off the floor. She straightens a picture on the wall with her powers. Claire enters.] Claire: Little down on the left. (Prue turns around.) Prue: Thanks. (She walks over to it and straightens it.) Uh, so, was this your first quake? Claire: And hopefully my last. I prefer my ceilings above me. Alright, this is the final guest list for tonight. All important clients to me, to Bucklands and therefore to you are at the top of the list. (Claire hands her a sheet of paper.) Prue: Professor Whittlesey, didn't she just buy the caulder? Claire: Well, her family did and they can afford to buy much, much more. And for whatever reason she's fascinated with your house, your job is to keep her happy. (Professor Whittlesey enters Prue's office.) Professor Whittlesey: Excuse me Claire, I want to bring a guest if that's alright. Claire: Of course. Prue, tonight's gonna be five plus one. Professor: It's your home then. Prue: Yeah. Claire: Oh, oh, oh. Prue Halliwell, Professor Whittlesey. Professor Whittlesey: I can't tell you how excited I am to spend and evening in a house with such history. Prue: I understand you know a lot about the Halliwell history? Professor Whittlesey: Well, I'm better versed in the house and structure than its inhabitants. Claire: The Professor's tenured at Berkley. Professor Whittlesey: Architectural history. As a matter of fact I use your house as an example in one of my lectures. Prue: Really? Well, do you mention the leaky roof and the limited hot water? Professor Whittlesey: Well, the original house that stood on that spot was a masterpiece. But it had to be rebuilt after the earthquake of 1906 when it was completely destroyed. Prue: That's right around the time my Great Grandparents moved in. Professor Whittlesey: Metaphysicists believe the land to be what they call a spiritual nexus. Claire: But it's still standing after this mornings rumble. So, okay, gotta go, gotta go. See you at seven. Plus one. (They leave. Prue picks up the phone and calls Piper on her cell phone.) Piper: Hello. Prue: Hey, how's my favourite sister? [Cut to a wine store] Piper: You want something, I know you do. Prue: Look, my boss just told me it's plus one. I am so sorry. Piper: Plus one? But I've already bought Ohh, whatever, you owe me. (She hangs up. She looks at her list and someone takes the last bottle of wine.) Excuse me, that's ... Guy: Callara Jensen, '93. Last bottle. Piper: Mine. Um, look, why don't you try this. (She picks up a different bottle of wine.) It's got a real brusque flavour, good nose, great vintage, it's probably better than the Callara. Guy: I'm impressed. But why do you want it so bad? Piper: Because it's got a great body. Look, I'm making Cocoa Vin and I need that bottle more than you do. Guy: Look, I'm sorry, but I've already been to three wine stores, lunch break is long over and I was told that this was the bottle to get. Piper: Told? Guy: Well, the woman who recommended this grew up in a vine yard and she does know how to choose wine. Piper: Yeah, well I grew up in a house with two sisters and I know how to do this. (She freezes him.) I can't. I can't use my powers for personal gain. But – but, it's not really personal gain exactly. Uh, damn! You can keep the wine. (She leaves and the guy unfreezes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Phoebe walks down the stairs.] Gas man: (from the basement.) Help me! Help me! (Phoebe runs to the kitchen.) Phoebe: Where are you? Gas man: Please help me! Pheobe: Uh, what's wrong? Gas man: I-I fell. I think I might of sprained something, my ankle. I could really use a hand down here. Pheobe: (to herself.) Right, a hand. I'm, okay. (out loud) Um, I'm coming. (Pheobe touches a picture on the wall and has a premonition. In it Grams is standing at the top of the stairs Little Phoebe: Grams? Grams: Go back to bed honey. Go on. (The premonition finishes.) Phoebe: The Woogyman. (to gas man.) Uh, you know, I think I'm gonna just call somebody for help. Gas man: No, please. I need your help. Phoebe: Okay. (She starts walking down the stairs.) Hello? Where are you? (He appears behind her. She quickly turns around.) I thought you said you were (She turns around and sees the Woogyman floating out of the crack.) No. I'm a good witch. You can't take me. (The Woogyman floats inside Phoebe and she becomes evil.) [Cut to the doorway. Piper is trying to open the door and has a handful of groceries.] Piper: Don't worry. I can handle it all myself. It's me, the culinary pachyderm. (As she walks inside, she gets an electric shock from the door.) Phoebe! Maybe we should call someone to check the electricity too. (Kit runs past Piper and out the door.) Kit? Hey! Pheebs? (She carries the groceries into the kitchen. The gas man stands behind Piper and when she turns around she gets a fright.) God! You scared me. Is everything okay with the house. Gas man: It will be. Piper: Good. Could I get E.T.A.? because I'm gonna have one very stressed out sister. Have you seen my sister? (He grabs Piper and holds her hands together.) Hey! Phoebe! (He tries to reach for a carving fork.) Pheobe! (Phoebe runs out of the basement and a baseball bat suddenly appears in her hand. She hits the guy over the head and knocks him unconscious.) Phoebe, he just . Phoebe: It's okay, it's okay. Piper: I thought he was gonna kill me. I didn't even have a chance to freeze him. Where'd you get the bat? Phoebe: I don't know, it just sort of appeared. Piper: What do you mean it appeared? Like you opened a closet and found it? Or appeared like you thought bat and there it was? Pheobe: Yeah, door number two. I can't explain it, but something weird happened to me down in the... Piper: What? Phoebe, spill. How'd you make the bat materialize? Phoebe: Safety first, witchcraft later. We gotta call 911. [Scene: Later, outside manor. The police and ambulance are there] Andy: This doesn't track. Morris: What's that? Andy: I just got background on the gas man. He doesn't have a record, not even a parking ticket. A family man, church volunteer, Little League coach. Darryl: When good coaches go bad, it makes me go by. (Prue walks up to them.) Prue: Andy, what's going on? Andy: Everything's fine. There was an incident a moment ago when the gas man was checking your house. Got a little rough with Piper. (Prue goes inside. She gets an electric shock when she walks through the door. She goes in the living room.) Prue: Hey, Piper. Are you okay? Are you hurt? Piper: No, forget it. I'm-I'm fine. He attacked me and then Phoebe stopped him. Go on show her. Phoebe: I told you, I can't do it now. Prue: Do what? Piper: Phoebe has a new power. She thinks of something and "poof" it appears. Phoebe: I just did it once. Piper: And it saved my life. I would think that you would be thrilled. You've always wanted am active power. Phoebe: Whatever. Prue: Wait a second, time out. Our powers are supposed to progress, not grow at random. And if it did grow, I would think it would be premonitionerick. I smell the Book of Shadows. Did you do something? Phoebe: Okay, I just saved Piper's ass. Where were you? Piper: Phoebe Phoebe: Prue's just pissy because this time she didn't get to play Wonderwoman. I'm not in the mood to soothe your ego. (She leaves.) Prue: Well, tonight's gonna be fun. Piper: She'll be fine. Everything will be fine. [Cut to the basement. Phoebe's walking down the stairs.] Phoebe: (to the Woogyman.) Thanks for my new power. Woogyman: You must not fail me again. You must use powers against your sisters. Phoebe: Please don't make me do this. I don't want to hurt them. Woogyman: Phoebe, you are not strong enough to fight me. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Halliwell Manor. Basement. Phoebe's sitting on a chair filing her nails.] Woogyman: It is almost time. Use your powers. [Cut to the kitchen. Piper goes to turn on the blender but gets an electric shock.] Piper: Ahh! (Prue enters the kitchen.) Prue: There is larva water spewing from the shower heads. Did you turn off the water heater again? Piper: No. No, I (She goes to turn on the food processor and she gets an electric shock.) Ow! Alright, the earthquake must of messed up the wiring or something. Try cooking a feast when your own kitchen is attacking you. Prue: Just relax. We still have an hour before (The door bell rings. Piper looks at her watch.) Piper: It's 7.00. How can that be? The-the-the clock on the microwave says (The clock on the microwave is flashing.) Prue: Something weird is going on. (Phoebe walks out of the basement.) Phoebe: Is anyone going to answer that? Piper: Phoebe? Prue: Wait, am seeing things? Or did you just come from the basement? Wait what about the Woogyman? Phoebe: It's just a story remember. (to Prue) You should probably finish getting ready. [Cut to the foyer. Phoebe opens the door. Professor Whittlesey, Claire and Josh stand there.] Phoebe: Welcome to Halliwell Manor. My name is Phoebe. I'll be your cruise director for this evening. [Cut back to the kitchen.] Piper: (to herself.) Everything is fine. This is fine. (She pours flour into a measuring cup and misses.) This is utter disaster. I am a good person. What did I do to deserve this? (She buries her face in her hands. The guy Piper met at the wine store enters.) Josh: Prue told me to give this to the chef. (He's holding a bottle of wine.) Piper: You! Josh: Most people call me Josh. I uh, wow, I work for Professor Whittlesey. Piper: You're the plus one. Josh: Last bottle. Uh, you have flour on your right uh (Piper tries to wipe the flour off her face but misses half of it.) Perfect. (Josh leaves as Phoebe enters.) Phoebe: Are you planning on feeding the people in the living room? Piper: Of course. Um, I've got what have I got? Phoebe: What's in there? (She walks over to a large roasting pan.) Piper: Duck medallion. But no, no. That's supposed to be part of dinner. Okay, now I guess it's an appetizer. Okay, go, go. Mingle. Mingle, mingle. [Cut to the living room.] Professor Whittlesey: The manor's been beautiful restored, really quite magnificent. (Prue enters the living room.) Claire: Prue, there you are. (Phoebe enters with the duck medallion.) Claire: Well, what do we have here? Phoebe: Duck medallion. (She lifts the lid and a real duck is under it.) Sans medallions. (Everyone laughs.) Prue: That's my sister, the magician. Usually it's a dove or a rabbit. [Cut to the kitchen.] Piper: Lightly simmering. (She turns on the stove and big flames appear.) Okay, okay. Sabotaged, I am being sabotaged. (Phoebe enters the kitchen.) Phoebe: What seems to be the problem? Piper: There is something terribly wrong with the house. (Brown, dirty water squirts up out of the drain in the sink.) Oh my God, oh my God, call the plumber. (When Piper turns her back, a knife appears in Phoebe's hand.) This is a complete and total disaster. (Phoebe stands right behind Piper.) Someone just kill me now and spare me the agony of clean up. Phoebe: Ask and you shall receive. (Josh enters and Phoebe's knife disappears.) Josh: Everything alright in here? (He sees the mess.) Do people pay you to do this? Piper: Phoebe could you please escort Mr. Congeniality out of here please, now. And get Prue, tell her it's and emergency. [Cut to Prue and Prof. Whittlesey.] Professsor Whittlesey: There's no other house in the city quite like yours. Prue: Because of its architecture? Professor Whittlesey: Because of its location. Prue: Right, you mentioned that Something about some sort of spiritual Professsor Whittlesey: Nexus. It's mythology really, but it's believed that when a geographical point is equal distance to the five spiritual elements, it's a place of great power. (The lights flicker on and off.) Prue: Power failure. Um, I don't know what's going on but I apologize for any inconvenience. (Phoebe walks up to them.) Phoebe: Prue , Piper needs you in the kitchen. Oh, don't worry I'll take very good care of your guests. (Prue walks to the kitchen. You came to see the house. Would you like to see the grand tour. Professor Whittlesey: Mmm, hmm. [Cut to the kitchen. Piper is on the floor throwing a little tantrum. Prue walks in.] Prue: Okay, aren't you the same girl who said and I quote "everything will be fine"? (Prue helps her up off the floor.) Piper: Yep. Prue: And? Piper: It's hot. I don't know what it is but it's like the house is possessed. Prue: No, no, no. It is Phoebe and her new powers. Piper: Look, I know she's been acting really weird lately but she wanted I would argue if I could think of another option. (Claire enters.) Claire: Uh, Prue? (The duck walks past her. She jumps.) Aahh! May I speak to you for a second? Prue: Yes, I'll be out in one second, Claire. (Claire leaves.) What do we do? Piper: I-I don't know. But I can't cook this meal, not in this kitchen. And-and it's too late to get it from Quake. Prue: Okay, um, let's just end it now before it gets any worse. Be my wingman? Piper: Mmm hmm. (They walk out of the kitchen. Professsor Whittlesey and Phoebe walk in.) Professor Whittlesey: Really, I don't need to see the basement. Phoebe: Are you kidding? It's the best part of the house. After you. (They walk in to the basement.) [Cut to the foyer.] Claire: Well, as hostess, it's sometimes helpful to be present at the party. Prue: Uh, Claire, I am so sorry but I'm gonna have to cut this evening short. Piper: We're experiencing some technical difficulties. Claire: What! Do you realize what you're doing? Prue: Yes, and I think I'm doing it just in time. Piper: There is a table waiting for all of you at Quake, on the house. Prue: There is? Piper: (quietly) There will be. Where's Phoebe? Josh: I think she's giving the professor a (The professor appears.) Professor Whittlesey: Tour. She showed me the bedrooms, the solarium, I found the basement particularly intriguing Prue: Beth, are you okay? Professor Whittlesey: Fine. Prue: Okay, dinner has been changed. We're having it somewhere else, okay? Claire: Oh, Professor, I'm sorry you didn't get to spend more time in the house. Professor Whittlesey: My time was well spent. (They walk outside.) Claire: (to Prue.) I'm looking forward to hearing your explanation for tonight's event. Need a ride? Prue: I just have to tie up a few loose ends here. I'll try to make it. Claire: Try hard. (They leave.) Piper: Now what? Prue: Interrogation. (Phoebe stands at the doorway.) Phoebe: Are you looking for me? Prue: Why are you doing this? Phoebe: Because he asked me to. Piper: Who asked you to? Prue: Okay, that is it. (She walks up the stairs.) We need to As she gets to the doorway the electricity prevents her from entering and she flies backwards when she touches it. She lands on the grass.) Piper: Oh, Prue. Are you okay? Phoebe, what's wrong with you? Why won't you let us in. Phoebe: No, you can't, you shouldn't. You don't live here anymore! (In a demonic voice.) She does. (She closes the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside manor. It's morning. Prue and Piper are sitting on the step.] Prue: (Missed a bit.) If our powers can't get us into the house, what can? (Piper stands up and grabs a brick. She throws it at the window but the electricity prevents it from breaking.) Piper: That helped. Prue: You know, yesterday I got shocked when I walked through the front door. Piper: Me too. Do you think that's when all this started. Prue: Define this. Our house has turned against us and so has our sister. Piper: This is more than just Phoebe. She said that he told her to do this. So, who is he and what does he want with Phoebe? Prue: Maybe that's the problem, we've been focusing on Phoebe. Maybe that's not the point. Piper: Than what is? Prue: Location. Whatever has the house, has her too. And it's not letting us in for a reason. Piper: And we can't get to the Book of Shadows to find out what it is. So we know nothing. Prue: Yes we do. There's someone that knows the house better than we do. Come on. [Cut to inside. Phoebe's dialing the phone and as she walks from room to room, the wallpaper falls of the walls and the window's glass break.] Phoebe: Yes, I would like a pizza delivered to my home. Well, whenever you do open then. I don't care what you put on the thing. Just make sure someone delivers it. 1329 Prescott St. I'll be waiting. [Scene. Outside a University. The police are taking Professor Whittlesey away.] Piper: Hey, what happened? Josh: Uh, I don't know. Professor Whittlesey had just begun her seminar and she turned and started choking me. If one of her students hadn't pulled her off Piper: Oh my God, are you okay? Josh: Yeah, I just uh, don't know why she snapped like that. Prue: Okay. Josh do you know anything about what she said to Claire? Something about a spiritual nexus? Josh: She brought that up? Wow, the professor usually doesn't go in for that metaphysical mythology. Prue: Yeah, well, you know Claire when she gets her claws into something, she can't seem to forget about it. Josh: You know, I've met people like that. (He looks at Piper.) A spiritual nexus is a point of incredible energy. Prue: Equal distance from the five spiritual elements. Josh: That's right. The place or thing that can persuade either way. Piper: Either way? Josh: Yeah, it could be a source of undeniable good or undeniable evil. Uh, look ladies, I'm gonna follow her and make sure she's okay. Feel free to browse around our office if you think it will help. [Cut to the office. They're looking at maps.] Prue: Okay, to find a way back in, we have to know what we're up against. The professor said that a true spiritual nexus is equal distance from the five elements. So, that's earth, fire, water, wood and metal. Piper: Okey-dokey. Equal distance. Here is the manor. Alright. (Prue puts a dot on it.) Uh, the Bay-water. (Prue puts a dot there.) Natural hot spring. Prue: Fire. What about wood? That park that mum used to take us to. Kenwood. Piper: Named after the type of tree that grew there when it was still a forest. Prue: Okay, three out of five. Earth. Piper: Twin Peaks. Highest point in the city. Prue: And last but not least, metal. Piper: Tiffany's. Prue: Cute. Natural metal. Okay, fourth grade field trip we panned for gold. Where was that? (She points to a place and they put a dot on it. Prue joins the dots with a pen and it turns into a star.) Piper: Our house was built in the centre of a pentagram. Prue: Looks like it's not in a spiritual nexus, but a wiccan one as well. Which means it's a battle ground for good and evil. Piper: And what happens when evil gets the house? Prue: It spreads. We'd have to check the Book of Shadows to be sure, but I bet that there's a reason why our family built the house there. To reclaim the spot for good. Piper: And now I'm thinking evil wants it back. Prue: And it's taking Phoebe with it. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Halliwell Manor. Darryl and Andy get out of their car.] Darryl: Why's it feel like we live here? (Across the road they see two neighbours fighting.) Andy: Which one do you want? Darryl: I'll take that one. Andy: Meet you back here. [Cut to the doorway. Phoebe opens the door.] Phoebe: Hello, Inspector. Andy: Phoebe. Hey, I stopped by to Phoebe: Just in time. I think there might be a gas leak and I'm home all alone. Do you think you could look it over? Andy: Sure. (He walks inside.) Phoebe: Down in the basement. (The door closes by itself.) [Cut to Morris. You see Prue and Piper get out of the car and walk over to him.] Darryl: So, he came out of his house, walked over here and started throwing things? Neighbour: No, not out of his house, out of the Halliwell's. Darryl: Really? Piper: Hey, Morris. Neighbourhood watch? Darryl: Had a woman brought into the station house today. Wasn't feeling too well, spent last night at your house. Professor Beth Whittlesey. Prue: Is she okay? Darryl: Not at the moment. She's under observation. (The neighbour pushes the other neighbour.) Neighbour: Paul, what the hell's the matter with you? Paul: Nothin'. Darryl: I'm occupied right now. Andy would like to ask you a few questions. (Prue and Piper walk over to the manor.) Piper: Wait, if Andy is in the house and Paul was in the house, there must be a way for us to get in. Prue: We better hope so otherwise there's no way to get to the Book of Shadows. (The door opens and Andy's there. Prue and Piper hide behind a bush.) Freeze them. Piper: No, wait. (Piper waits till he is in the middle of the door then freezes him.) Prue: What was that? Piper: The house is letting him out, right? This is the only second it's guard is down. Prue: Good point. Piper: Thank you. (They walk inside and see Phoebe frozen.) Prue: Oh my. She's frozen. Piper: Good. Prue: No, no, no. Remember our powers don't work on good witches. Piper: Oh, that means she's ... Prue: We've lost her. Let's go get her back. Run. (They run up the stairs. Andy and Phoebe unfreeze.) [Cut back to outside. The two neighbours are yelling at each other. Morris is trying to stop them from fighting. Andy walks up to them.] Darryl: Wanna give me a hand here, partner? (Andy gets out his gun and goes to shoot.) Whoa, whoa, whoa, Andy! (Darryl throws him on the ground and grabs his gun.) What the hell was that? Andy: Huh? I have no idea. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue's looking through the Book of Shadows.] Piper: Faster would be good. Prue: There is nothing here. We don't even know what we're fighting. Piper: Our sister. Prue: No, it's more than that. Alright, when in doubt, start at the beginning. What happened first? Piper: Gas man attacked me. Prue: Before that. Piper: The earthquake, which is why the gas man was here to check the leak in the basement. Prue: And before Professor Whittlesey freaked out she took her around the house including the basement. Piper: Ohh. Prue: Noises don't help. Piper: The gas man said that's where Phoebe was. And we know she's been down there. Prue: No, Piper, it was just a story. Piper: Are you so sure? We've seen monsters and demons from the past and future. How can you be so sure that Phoebe's childhood monster isn't real? Prue: The Woogyman in the basement? Piper: Phoebe swore she saw something down there. And that's when Grams started telling us the story Prue: Of how to destroy it. Piper: And there was an earthquake that night too, remember? So maybe that's how it gets out. Prue: We've been looking in the wrong place. How to vanquish the demon isn't in the Book of Shadows, it's in Grams' story. Piper: So it wasn't a story, it was a spell? Prue: Alright, the Woogyman is a real demon, so Phoebe was right. Now how did it go? Piper: Uh, something about a Woogyman and Grams fought it. Prue: That's it? That's all that you remember? Piper: Well, don't you remember anything? Prue: I-I-I remember that it was sort of like a rhyme, sounded like a children's song. Piper: Well, we better figure it out fast or we're gonna have a whole lot (Piper opens the attic door and Phoebe's there. Phoebe grabs her and pushes her outside. Phoebe walks in the attic and locks the door.) Prue! Prue! (Piper bangs on the door. A long sword appears in Phoebe's hand.) Phoebe: Any fantasies about how you want to die? Prue: Phoebe, listen to me. This isn't you. Phoebe: Give the girl a prize. Piper: Prue! Prue: Look, whoever is doing this hasn't completely beaten you, otherwise we would be dead by now. Phoebe: Really? Piper: Phoebe? Prue: Phoebe, you are stronger than him. Piper: I mean it! (She continues to bang on the door.) Phoebe: No, I wasn't. That's why he chose me. (In a demonic voice.) But now I'm stronger than you. (She gets ready to swing the sword and Prue uses her powers. Phoebe flies across the room. Prue opens the door and they run down the stairs. Piper opens the front door.) Prue: Piper, where are you going? Piper: It's not just Phoebe we're fighting, it's the house, it's everything. Prue: Piper, don't! (Piper walks through the doorway and the electricity makes her fly through the air. She hits the ground hard.) Oh, God. Are you okay? Piper: No, and neither are you. We're locked in this house and our sister's trying to kill us. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor.] Prue: Alright, the answer must be in Grams' Woogyman story. Piper: Which neither one of us remembers. Prue: Well, we have to keep trying. [Cut to the attic. Phoebe wakes up. She goes downstairs. She stops halfway when she hears Prue and Piper talking.] Piper: There has to be a way out of here. Prue: We have tried everything, Piper. Besides the only way to help Phoebe is from inside. (Phoebe smiles and walks towards the basement.) Piper: Help her? Kill us, maybe. Prue: Yeah, well we have to keep trying. Phoebe: (From the basement.) Prue! Piper! Help me! Prue: Do you think ... Phoebe: Please, you gotta help me. Down in the basement. Piper: Trap. Prue: Yeah, well, what else can we do? Piper: We can not go to the basement. I vote for that. Prue: Grams must of thought that this evil might come back so that's why she told us the story. Piper: Well, how do we remember the word? I never even believed in the Woogyman. Prue: No, but Phoebe did. She knows the story by heart. Piper: Something tells me she's not in the mood to share it. Prue: Alright, we know that his source of power is in the basement. So, if we can weaken him, maybe we can weaken his hold on Phoebe just long enough for her to tell us the spell. Piper: How do we do that? We don't even know what it is or how to fight it. Phoebe: Help! Please, I need you. (Prue and Piper walk in the kitchen.) Prue: Okay. We have a choice. So, we're gonna need a . Piper: Light. (Prue gets a torch out of a drawer.) No. The light. Grams's story, remember? She said something about using it to guide you through the shadows. Or was it to the shadow? Prue: That doesn't make sense, using a light to find the shadows? Shadows retreat from the light and they thrive from the darkness. Kind of like this. Piper: Or in the basement. Maybe that's what we're fighting, Prue, a shadow. Prue: Okay, let's fight it. (They walk down the stairs.) Piper: Phoebe? Prue: Oh, there, see that? (She sees the Woogyman.) Phoebe: (From the top of the stairs.) What took you so long? (Prue closes the door with her power.) Prue: Come on, we don't have a lot of time. Okay, uh, freeze it. (Piper tries to freeze it but it won't.) Piper: It's not working. Can't you, uh ? (Prue tries to use her power on it but nothing works.) Prue: My power's not working on it either. (Phoebe pushes the door open.) Phoebe, you've got to listen to us. Phoebe: You're in no position to tell me what to do. (She holds up a knife.) Prue: Remember Grams' story? The one about the Woogyman? About the light? Piper: Come on Phoebe, try. Phoebe: I can't Don't make me. Don't like the basement. Woogyman: It's no use. Your sister's evil now. Prue: Come on, Phoebe. You've got to fight it. You're good. (Phoebe touches a picture on the wall and has the same premonition as before with Grams in it.) Phoebe, please, remember the story. What did Grams say? Piper: Hurry, Phoebe, please. Phoebe: I am light, I am one too strong to fight, return to dark where shadows dwell, you can not have this Halliwell. Prue: Keep it going, Phoebe. Phoebe: Go away and leave my site, and take with you this endless night. (The Woogyman disappears back in the crack in the floor.) [Scene: Josh's office. Piper knocks on his door.] Piper: Anyone home? Josh: Office hours aren't until five. (He looks up and sees Piper.) Piper, what are you doing here? Piper: I just came over to see how you Professor Whittlesey is doing. Josh: She seems better. She hasn't choked anybody lately. Piper: Good. So she's back to normal. Josh: Yeah, although she's been censured for her behaviour. I have to sit for the university board, and for now it looks like I'm covering the classes. Piper: Oh, that's too bad. I mean, I don't mean you. I mean Josh: I know what you mean. Oh, by the way, I have something for you. (He gets a bottle of wine.) Piper: Callara Jensen '93. Josh: Battles have been waged over this wine. Piper: Not today, I'm too tired. It's actually very nice. Josh: Don't sound so surprised, you know I am capable of a kind act or two. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are cleaning up.] Prue: So, Morris said that it was only a two week suspension. Piper: It doesn't seem fair, it wasn't even Andy's fault. Prue: Well, what were we gonna do? Plead shadows? Piper: Anyway, everyone seems to be back to normal but that doesn't erase their actions. Prue: Yeah, well, I wish it did, it could get me off Claire's bad side, if she has a good one. Phoebe: I'm beginning to wonder if I have a good one. (Prue and Piper stare at her.) Well, I am. I mean not any more so than anyone else. Prue: Yeah, well the important thing is the good side won out. Phoebe: Yeah, but I must have been more susceptible than either one of you, otherwise he wouldn't of chosen me, right? Right? Piper: You were the only one that was born in the house, that makes you more connected to it. That spiritual nexus thing. Phoebe: That's exactly my point. I could go either way. Good or evil. Kinda freaky. I do have to tell you I am gonna miss that cool power though. Piper: Um, if Grams put away the shadow and it came back Prue: Means it can come back again. Okay, it's time. Every witch before us has added to the Book of Shadows. We need to warn who comes next. It's our turn. Phoebe: Who should do it? (Prue hands her a pen, they find a blank page in the book and she starts writing.)
Plan: A: an Earthquake; Q: What event hits San Francisco? A: a leak; Q: What do Prue, Piper, and Phoebe have to call the gas company to repair in the basement? A: the basement; Q: Where is the leak in the house? A: the woogyman; Q: Who possessed the gas company repairman? A: a shadow demon; Q: What is the woogyman? A: Grams; Q: Who defeated the woogyman? A: the sisters; Q: Who has to find a way to banish the demon and save Phoebe? Summary: When an Earthquake hits San Francisco, Prue, Piper, and Phoebe have to call the gas company to repair a leak in the basement. However, once the repairman arrives, he is possessed by the woogyman - a shadow demon previously defeated by Grams. After he banishes Prue and Piper from the house, he possesses Phoebe and in order to defeat the demon the sisters have to find a way to banish it again and save Phoebe.
ACT ONE Scene One - Café Nervosa. Frasier is seated at a table. Niles walks in and is about to shut the door when he spots a woman behind him. He graciously holds the door open for her. Niles: Allow me. She breezes by without a word. Niles: You're welcome. [hangs up coat and walks over to Frasier] When did everyone become so boorish? [wipes down chair] Honestly, sometimes I think I'm the only person left in the world with any sense of refinement. [sits] Ooh! Ooh! Smell my hands! Frasier: Thank you, no. Niles: I'm just so proud. I had to stop for gas, and I pumped it myself! [smells his hands and grimaces] It's part of a new kick I'm on. Frasier: Which is what? Niles: I'm learning to be handy. I've decided I depend too much on other people, so I'm doing it myself. [holds out his hand] Ooh, feel that. Tell me that's not the start of a first-rate callus. Roz walks in carrying a videotape. Roz: Frasier, you left this in your booth. Frasier: Oh dear, thank you Roz. Niles: What is it? Frasier: Oh, it's a tape Dad asked me to rent for him. It's part of our new Wednesday night ritual. Dad mixes up a pot of his five-alarm chili, we all curl up on the couch and watch an Angie Dickinson movie and I wish I were dead. You should join us. Niles: No, no. I got my first work shirt this morning and tonight I'm tackling the squeaky hasp on my cigar humidor. Frasier: Oh, well, be sure to wear your hernia belt. So, Roz, you gonna join us? Roz: [pointedly at Niles] No, I think I'll just go sit over here. Niles: Roz? Are you trying to avoid me? Roz: Well, can you blame me? I mean, it took you nearly a year just to learn my name and every time we sit together, you have some kind of snide remark to make. Niles: Name one. Roz: Well, last week you told me my bedroom was easier to get into than a community college. Niles: I was hoping that would be the one you'd name. Roz: [charging at him] You know, I've got half a mind to... Frasier: No, no, no! Just hold on now, Roz. You and Niles got off on the wrong foot a long time ago. I think if you two sat down and had a real conversation you'd hit it off famously. Here, you sit, Roz, and I will go and get your coffee. Roz sits down as Frasier goes to the counter. Niles: [pause] So, how are you? Roz: Fine. You? Niles: Great. [pause] I'm handy now. [Roz stares at him] So...that's a nice jacket. Roz: Thank you. Niles: Offbeat. Roz: And what is that supposed to mean, "offbeat"? Niles: Well... Roz: No, wait, I think I know exactly what it means. Offbeat as in cheap. Well, excuse me for not being rich enough to shop at the International House of Tight-Ass like you and Maris the heiress! That is what you meant, right? Niles: Yes... but I had no idea you'd pick up on it! Roz: Then you were insulting me. Niles: Yes, but you got in a couple of good shots yourself. Roz: I did, didn't I? I'm so glad we did this! They shake hands as Frasier returns. Frasier: You know, sometimes I am such a good therapist, I scare myself! [notices] Oh my goodness... where's my briefcase? Niles: Didn't you put it under your chair? Frasier: Well, yes I did, but someone must have taken it! Niles: Frasier, look, there it is! Niles points to a man walking towards the door, carrying a briefcase. Frasier rushes to the door to block the man from leaving. Frasier: Excuse me. Man: Excuse me. Frasier: Is that your briefcase? Man: Yes, it is. Frasier: Where did you get it? Man: Some of the nuns in my parish bought it for me as a gift. Frasier: Ah, your parish? Then that would make you a priest? Man: Yes. Frasier: Well, then, "Father" [grabs the briefcase], perhaps you'd like to explain why you'd be carrying around... [opens the case]...a Bible and some rosary beads?! [slams the case shut] Man: What exactly are you looking for? Frasier: An Angie Dickinson movie. I loaned it to the Monsignor. He was supposed to give it to you to give to me. Apparently he forgot. Well, it's a two-day rental anyway, doesn't matter. Off you go. Thank you. The priest leaves, confused. Niles: I'm sorry, Frasier. It looked exactly like yours. They both have the same inferior leather. Roz: I gave him that briefcase! Niles: [playfully punching her shoulder] I know! [SCENE_BREAK] IT'S LIKE HORATIO Scene Two - Frasier's apartment. Frasier is seated at the dinner table, on the phone to the police. Eddie is in Martin's chair, staring at Frasier. Frasier: Yes, I would mind holding again! Look, I've already held three times! I'm simply trying to report a few stolen credit cards, but every five seconds...damn it! [He notices Eddie staring] Don't stare at me, Eddie. I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan! Eddie jumps down and runs off down the hall as Martin and Daphne enter. They ad-lib hellos. Martin: So, Niles called. Somebody stole your briefcase, huh? Frasier: Yes, all right, Dad, go ahead; tell me how stupid I was to get taken advantage of that way. It's certainly better than listening to "Jumping Jack Flash" arranged for piano and flute. Martin: I don't think it was stupid. These guys are pros. They just need a second and bam, they're out the door. Frasier: Well, that's rather refreshing. I was expecting you to call me every name from a naive dupe to a... Martin: Bone-headed rube? Frasier: But you're not! Martin: No, I'm not. The important thing is you learned a lesson. You got to keep your guard up. The world would be a happier place if everybody would remember two little words: People stink. Frasier: I'm sorry, but that's just a little cynical for me! I don't want to go through life thinking the worst of people. I prefer to think of them as basically good and decent. [into phone] Yes, I am here, but you know, I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of a speech right now, so you'll have to hold! [places phone on hold] Truth is, I enjoy my life that way. If the price I have to pay is to replace a few credit cards from time to time, well then, so be it. Daphne: This whole thing reminds me of when I first moved to London. I was very mistrusting of people back then. I was convinced the way to stay out of harm's way was to walk straight with me eyes cast down, never meeting anyone's glance. But, finally, I decided that was no way to live. So one day, I just lifted up my chin and took it all in. Well, the change was amazing. There were sights I'd never seen, sounds I'd never heard. A tiny old man came up to me with a note in his hand. He needed help. I realized this was no city full of thieves and muggers. There were people here who needed me. I took his note, read it, and to this day, I can remember just what I said to that Man: "That's not how you spell 'fellatio.'" She exits to her room, leaving Frasier and Martin dumbstruck. Frasier: So... whose point did she prove? Martin: I have no idea. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - KACL. The next day. Frasier is finishing up his show. Frasier: Well, I can't tell you how much fun it's been chatting with you all today, nasty old Gertrude aside. But, I'd like to close the show with a personal message. This goes out to the person who stole my briefcase yesterday. And, as it turns out, also stole my dry cleaning this morning with the claim ticket that was inside. You need help, and I am here to provide it. Oh, also, the double-breasted navy blue suit was meant to be worn with French cuffs and medium heel wing tips. You may be sick, but there's no reason why you shouldn't be stylish. Until tomorrow, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. He goes off the air as Roz enters his booth. Roz: Man, that was a great show! It was better than great - it was brilliant. I can't remember when you were more... Frasier: What do you want? Roz: Okay. Remember, I told you my girlfriend was coming to town and I might need Friday off? Frasier: No. Roz: No, you don't remember, or no, I can't have Friday off? Frasier: Take one of each, I'm feeling generous. The phone rings in the studio, Frasier puts it on speakerphone. Frasier: Hello? Man: [v.o.] Hi, is this Dr. Crane? Frasier: Yes, it is. Man: Oh man, what a thrill! I can't believe I got through! Frasier: Yes, well, actually, my show is over. You'll have to call in again tomorrow. Man: That's not why I'm calling. I think I found your briefcase. Frasier: Oh, really? Really, are you sure? Man: Pretty sure. Frasier: Well, there's a way we can be positive. Simply turn over the briefcase and in the upper right-hand corner you should find a half-moon-shaped watermark, such as would be left by the careless resting of a champagne flute. Man: It's full of your stuff, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Oh. Well, that works as well, yes. Say, listen, is everything still there? Man: Well, there's a nice gold pen, a set of car keys, a date book... Frasier: What about my wallet? Man: Oh, sorry. Frasier: Well, I suppose that was asking for too much. Well, how can I get it back? Man: I could drop it off. Frasier: Oh, better yet, why don't you meet me at the Café Nervosa on Pike and Third. I'd be glad to give you a reward. Man: Hey, meeting you is reward enough! Half an hour okay? Frasier: That's perfect. Bye. Man: Bye. He hangs up the phone. Roz: Well, that was pretty great. Frasier: Yes, but not surprising. Haven't I always told you to have faith in people? Roz: Yes, and you were right. People are basically good. Frasier: Yes. Roz: And fair. Frasier: Indeed. Roz: We do nice things for people in this world because there's a little thing called karma... Frasier: There's no way you're getting Friday off. He walks out into the hallway, with Roz whining "Why?" behind him. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - Café Nervosa. Frasier is waiting at the counter. Niles enters and holds the door open for a pretty blonde woman. Niles: Allow me. As before, the woman breezes past him without a word. He walks over to Frasier in a huff. Niles: Do you believe that woman? That's the second time that's happened to me this week. I have half a mind to say something. Frasier: Well, then why don't you? Niles: Oh, you know. Something happens to me when I talk to a beautiful woman. From the moment they begin staring into my eyes my knees turn to jelly. Frasier: Still, Niles, we both know the only way to break people off their bad habits is by confronting them. The blonde walks up to the counter and stands next to Niles. Niles: Oh, that's true. Frasier: So? [gestures toward the woman] Waiter: Who's next here? Woman: [cutting off Niles] I am! I'll have a cafe... Niles: Oh, oh, oh, oh! No, you're not! You weren't next here, I am! [turns to face her] I suppose people like you who glide through life wrapped in a cozy little cocoon of narcissism never notice such things. But you'd do well to learn this lesson, sister! [beginning to wobble] There's still such a thing as good manners in this world, and that's why I would like to insist that you let me buy you your coffee and also please try the poppy seed muffins. Woman: Thank you. Niles: You're welcome. He places some money on the counter and then staggers to a table, unsure of what just happened. Frasier: [sarcastic] Kind of brutal, weren't you? Niles: All I remember was, I was next and then the sound of blood thundering through my ears. Frasier: There, there, Niles. Soon you'll be home with Maris and you'll forget you were anywhere near a beautiful woman today. [moves toward the window seat] Please, why don't we sit here by the window so we can see him when he comes? Niles: Oh, your good Samaritan? Frasier: Yes. You know, I have to tell you Niles, I'm feeling rather good about this whole thing. Granted, I did lose my wallet and my favorite suit. But, still, mostly everything else was intact. My date book, my spare set of car keys, my fountain pen. But, best of all, what has remained intact is my sense that people are basically trustworthy. Niles: Frasier, the person who has your car keys asked you to meet him here, knowing you'd bring your car? Frasier: Now, now... before you launch into one of your little paranoid riffs, my car happens to be...[looks out the window] MOVING DOWN THE STREET!! They both rush outside. Frasier: Oh my god! [o.s.] Stop! Stop that well-dressed man! END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene One - Frasier's apartment. Later that evening. Niles sits on the couch, drinking coffee while Martin is on the phone with an old cop buddy of his. Martin: Yeah, Charlie, it's my son Frasier's car. So, if you could put a little extra manpower on this, I'd appreciate it. Yeah, I know. I know, fell for that old scam. [Niles exits to the kitchen] I told him you gotta keep your guard up, but you know Frasier, he always knows better - Mr. Up With People. Yeah, remember what we used to call guys like him when I was on the force? [laughs, then] Hey, we're still talking about my son here, Charlie! Yeah, I'll talk to you. He hangs up the phone as Frasier enters. Martin: Hi Frasier, how's it going? Frasier: Terribly. Guess what happened today? Martin: What? Frasier: My car was stolen! Martin: [pretending] You're kidding! Frasier: Yes, once again, I fell victim to a master criminal. Martin: How'd they do it? Hot-wire it? Boy, you know, those guys got fingers like concert pianists. Frasier: No. He had the key. Martin: Oh, a real pro, huh? He made a wax impression and then had a duplicate key made? Frasier: No... It was the same miscreant who stole my briefcase. He used the spare set that was inside. Martin: What? He tailed you for a few days, learned your routine, so he'd know where to find the car? Frasier: [sheepishly] Not exactly. He called the station and we agreed to meet. Martin: What for? Niles: [entering from the kitchen] Low-fat lattes and biscotti. He and Martin fall apart laughing. Frasier: Oh, what are you, the town crier?! Oh, go ahead and laugh! You know, it still doesn't shake my belief in the basic goodness of people. Martin: Well, sure. He's probably using your car to deliver hot meals to shut-ins. [he and Niles laugh again] Frasier: Yes, well, I'm glad that my misfortune has given you two so much glee! But Dad, I have two requests. First, wipe that father-knows-best smirk off of your face! I am not a child! Martin: And, what's the second request? Frasier: Can I borrow your car? I want to go to the movies. Niles and Martin continue laughing as the scene fades out. [SCENE_BREAK] BRIEFCASE OF LOVE Scene Two - KACL. Frasier is giving Daphne a tour of KACL before his show begins. Frasier: And last stop on our tour, my booth. Where all the magic happens. Roz: Hey Daphne, what are you doing here? Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane needed a lift in, so I decided to come up for a little tour. Oh, don't mind me. Just go on about your business. She stoops over his console, holds his headphones to her ear, and talks into the microphone. Daphne: It's not like... I'm listening. [giggles] Roz: Have we had one visitor yet who didn't feel the need to do that? Frasier: Thank you for the ride down, Daphne, but we do have a show to do. So if you... Daphne: You know, people are always telling me I have a natural talent for this. Frasier: Yes, yes, of course. Your soothing voice, your calming manner. [walks her to the door] I could listen to you for hours. Daphne: Oh, wow, do you really think so? Frasier: Oh, yes. Absolutely. All right, now get out. [shoves her out the door.] The phone in the studio rings. Frasier: Roz, could you get that, please? Roz: Sure. [in phone] Hello? Who's calling please? Just a second. [to Frasier] It's Denise. She said she was out with you last night. Frasier: I wasn't out with anyone named Denise last night. Roz: Ooh... speaker phone, speaker phone! Frasier: Oh, all right. [places it on speaker phone] Hello. This is Frasier Crane. Denise: [v.o.] Hey, tiger. I miss you already. Frasier: I beg your pardon? Denise: Oh, I'm sorry to call you at work, but you just snuck out of here this morning without giving me your number and I woke up to see your BMW pulling down my driveway. Frasier: [realizing] You did? Denise: Mm-hmm. But I'm not mad. How can I be after the best first night I ever spent with a man? Frasier: Denise, could you just hold on for a moment? Denise: Sure. He places the phone on hold. Frasier: Do you realize what this means? Roz: The guy who stole your stuff told her he was you. Frasier: And it worked! She slept with him on the first date! Nobody ever sleeps with me on the first date! [takes phone off hold] Hi, it's me again. Denise: Look, I'm sorry to do this on short notice, but I won't be able to meet you for that drink at Alberto's. The agency called. They booked me for a swimsuit layout. Frasier is nearly in tears. Over the phone a horn honks. Denise: Oh, there's my cab. I'll call you tomorrow. Kisses! [hangs up] [N.B. The celebrity who plays Denise is uncredited.] Roz: Unbelievable! Frasier: Yes. Apparently he wasn't content just to steal my possessions. Now he's after my identity as well! Roz: [picking up phone] I'm calling the police. Frasier: No, Roz, no! I will handle this myself. I am going down to Alberto's. Roz: You have a show! Frasier: Just run something from the "Best of Frasier Crane." This jackal thinks he's meeting Denise down there, but he's going to meet me instead! Roz: Are you crazy?! He could be dangerous! Frasier: I don't care, Roz! My god, this man's gone too far. He's after my very soul now! What was it Shakespeare wrote? "He who steals my purse steals trash. But he who steals my good name steals..." Well... oh, I forget the rest, but it makes me good and mad! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Alberto's. Frasier enters Alberto's just as two men are leaving. He quickly looks them over to see what they are wearing. He then approaches a woman, Heather, seated at the bar. Frasier: Excuse me. Have you seen a man in here wearing an impeccably tailored Italian suit? Heather: Just you. Frasier: [blushes] Oh, well... thank you. Giorgio Armani. Heather: Nice to meet you, Giorgio. [they laugh] My name's Heather. Frasier: Yes, uh, Frasier Crane, it's a pleasure. [gestures to a barstool next to her] Do you mind? She complies and he sits down. Heather: Wait a minute. Dr. Frasier Crane from the radio? Frasier: Yes. Heather: Well, I've heard your show. You're great! Frasier: Oh, thank you. Heather: This is exciting! [pauses] Hey, didn't you say on your show the other day that someone had impersonated you at the dry cleaners? Frasier: Yes, someone did. Heather: But, how do I know that you're not the impersonator? Frasier: Oh, good heavens, if you're looking for identification, I... [reaches for his wallet] Uh-oh. Heather: I thought so. [gets up to leave] Frasier: Yes, but, he stole my wallet the other day. Heather: Who did? Frasier: Frasier did - the bad Frasier. Heather: You're pretty sick, you know that? Maybe you ought to just get a life! She heads for the door. He follows her. Frasier: Heather, this is absurd! Can't you recognize my... She's gone before he can get the chance to explain further. He stands at the door for a moment, defeated. Then, a man enters the bar. He is nowhere near Frasier's size, but Frasier recognizes the suit. He slowly looks the man up and down as the man grows more and more nervous. Frasier: Nice suit. Phil: Oh my god, it's you! We recognize his voice as the man who called in to Frasier's show. He rushes to the door, but Frasier catches him. Frasier: Oh, no you don't! You're mine now! Phil: All right. All right, I give up. He tries to make another dash for it, but Frasier grabs him. Frasier: Damn it! How did you find me? Frasier: Well, a certain Denise called the station today. She had to cancel your little rendezvous. Phil: Great. And I put on my best suit. Frasier: No. You put on my best suit! Phil: Well, I guess this is it. Party's over. I'm so stupid! [sits at a table] You probably want to call the police, huh? Frasier: No. What I would like to do is throttle you until your eyes shoot across the room like champagne corks! But I won't, because this is still a civilized world. But it won't be for long if you lowlifes have your way, because with every wallet you steal, you put bars on someone else's windows! With every purse you snatch, you put mace on another key chain! Everyday you make our lives a little less livable, and I hope that burns on your conscience! Well, what do you have to say for yourself? Phil: You're right. Frasier: Oh, oh... I see. I see. You think by agreeing with me, I'll let you off the hook. Phil: No, I'm saying you're right. I'm not trying to weasel out of this. I'm guilty and I deserve what I get. Look, here's your keys. The car's out front with your briefcase in it. [pulls out a cell phone] Here, go ahead and call the police. That's your new car phone, by the way. I upgraded. I should have known things were gonna turn out like this for me. Frasier: Oh yes, here it comes - the old sob story. "Daddy didn't love me. Mother ignored me. The bully next door stole my baseball glove." Phil: No! Dad loved me. Mom spoiled me. And I was the bully next door. [gesturing to the phone] Say, why don't you let me do that, it's kind of tricky. Frasier: Thank you. Phil: There's only one person to blame for my problems and that's me. [into phone] Yeah, hi. The number for the Seattle P.D., please. [to Frasier] I take the easy way out of everything, I always have. And you want to know why? I'm lazy. Lazy, lazy, lazy! [into phone] Oh, sweetheart, I don't have the energy to look for a pencil. Could you just connect me? Thanks, hon. Frasier: You expect me to believe that your entire life of crime can be attributed to your laziness? Phil: Hey, it's the truth. I don't like to work, never have. And believe me, it's a lot easier to take something than to get a job. And I'm even a lazy criminal! A briefcase here, a set of car keys there. Maybe a little light shoplifting, but a bank robbery? All that planning and split-second timing? Forget it! And that second-story stuff - the grappling hooks, glass cutters... who does that?! [into phone] Yeah, thank you. [hands phone to Frasier] You're on hold. Frasier: Story of my week. You know, you seem to be taking this awfully well. Phil: Well, it's like I said. It was bound to happen. Frasier: Or perhaps... perhaps you wanted to get caught. Phil: Huh? Frasier: Yes, well, think about it. You've been taking greater and greater risks. Isn't that the behavior of a man who wants to get caught? Phil: I'm telling ya, Doc - lazy! [lifts up his leg] Look at your pants, for god's sake! You'd think I'd take them in to be hemmed, right? Staples! Frasier: [horrified] Oh, dear god! Phil: Staples! Frasier: Well, I still say that you really wanted to get caught. [sits] It's a classic cri de couer. Phil: Cri de what? Frasier: Well, it's a ballet, it... it just means that you don't like the life that you're living. Phil: Well, it's not a great life. Half the time I don't know where my next month's rent is coming from. And I haven't been in a solid relationship in I don't know how long. Frasier: Then why don't you change? Phil: Haven't we been over this? [shouting] Gimme an "L", gimme an "A"... Frasier: As a psychiatrist, I just don't buy that. You're not lazy. What you are is afraid. There are any number of things you could do in a legitimate world. You're just afraid to try one of them and fail at it. Phil: You really think I can change? Frasier: Yes. I believe everyone can change because I believe in the basic goodness of people. [into phone] Oh yes, hello. Yes, uh...just a moment, please. [to Phil] Start now. Take responsibility for yourself. [offers the phone to him] For once, don't take the easy way out. Phil: [into phone] Hello. Yeah, I'd like to report a crime. Frasier looks pleased with himself. Suddenly, Heather, the woman from the bar, returns with a couple of police officers. Heather: [pointing at Frasier] There he is. He's the man who's been impersonating Frasier Crane. Officer: All right, let's go. Frasier: Oh, what are you talking about? I am Frasier Crane! Officer: Do you have identification? Frasier: Well, no... no. But it's the truth! [to Phil] Tell them. Phil: Thank god you got here when you did, officer! I detained him as long as I could! Frasier: What?! Officer: [grabbing Frasier's arm] Move it! Frasier: But he's lying! He's the imposter! Don't you people recognize me?! They start dragging him to the door. Frasier: Oh, for goodness sake! This is madness! I can't believe this is happening! [shouting] People of the world, listen to me! Trust no one, especially THAT lazy b*st*rd! END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Niles walks into the Café Nervosa and tries again to hold the door open for the pretty blonde lady. This time, however, she stops to shake his hand and thank him. He is clearly pleased with this. She leaves and he then walks over to join Frasier at a table. He appears to be very happy about this turn of events. As he talks, he starts to check the time and realizes his watch is missing. Knowing that the blonde must have taken it, he jumps up and rushes out the door after her.
Plan: A: his personal effects; Q: What does Frasier's briefcase contain? A: his car; Q: Along with his dry cleaning, what else is stolen? A: the previous night; Q: When did the woman claim to have spent with Frasier? A: their second date; Q: What does the woman who called KACL cancel? A: Nathan Lane; Q: Who played the thief in Frasier? A: the bar; Q: Where does Frasier confront the thief? A: the police; Q: Who does the thief call to arrest Frasier? A: the robber; Q: Who has Frasier arrested? Summary: Frasier's briefcase is stolen and, because it contains his personal effects, so are his dry cleaning and his car. Shortly thereafter, a woman calls KACL , claiming to have spent the previous night with Frasier and canceling their second date. Frasier decides to confront the thief (played by Nathan Lane ). He corners him in the bar and makes him confess to everything he has done, even having the thief call the police himself. As Frasier tries to find out why he did it, the police walk in and the robber has Frasier arrested, backed up by a woman Frasier failed to flirt with.
Scene: Bernadette's bedroom. Howard: What's so funny? Bernadette: Nothing. Just thinking about the noises people make during s*x. Howard: I do sometimes get a bit carried away, don't I? Bernadette: It's cute. You sound a little like a drunken monkey. Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh! Howard: You know it's meant as a compliment. Bernadette: That's how I take it. Howard: This is perfect. I hope this moment never ends. Bernadette: Me too. Howard: Well, gotta go. Bernadette: Oh! Already? Why don't you stay over? Howard: Well, I'd love to, but you know my mother needs me in the morning. Bernadette: Please, I think the woman can manage to put a wig on by herself. Howard: It's not just the wig. It's pinning her hair up, drawing on her eyebrows. It's a two-person job. Bernadette: It's just, when you leave right after we make love, it makes me feel cheap. Howard: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. What can I do? Bernadette: Stay. Howard: Okay. Like, what, another five, ten minutes? Bernadette: Go home. Howard: Your call. Bernadette: Howard, have you ever considered us living together? Howard: Boy, I don't know. You, me, Ma living under the same roof? Bernadette: No, I mean just you and me. You can move in here, or we can find a place. Howard: I've got a better solution. Bernadette: What? Howard: We wait for my mom's heart to explode from all the salt she eats. Then we just stick her in the ground, flip her mattress and move into the big bedroom. Bernadette: Great. Howard: Look at us planning a future together. Scene: Outside Howard's house. Mrs Wolowitz (voice): Who's there? Are you a s*x criminal? Howard: s*x criminals don't have keys, Ma. Mrs Wolowitz: Where were you so late? Howard: I was out with Bernadette. Mrs Wolowitz: I know what that means, I watch Dr. Phil. I hope to God you used a condom! Howard: I'm not having this conversation with you, Ma! Mrs Wolowitz: God forbid you get one of those new fancy s*x diseases! Howard: Nobody has a disease! Mrs Wolowitz: I hope not. I share a toilet with you. Is that what you want? To give your mother herpes? Howard: That's it. I don't have to take this. Good luck with your eyebrows in the morning! Mrs Wolowitz: Who's there? Are you a s*x criminal? Howard: I'm still leaving! I just forgot my Claritin. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Hey, what's up? Howard: I need a place to crash. Leonard: Uh, sure. Why? Howard: Big fight with my mother. Leonard: Still arguing over which CSI is the best? Howard: No, we agreed they all have their merits. This was about Bernadette. Sheldon: What's going on? Leonard: Howard's gonna sleep here tonight. He had a fight with his mother. Sheldon: Did you offer him a hot beverage? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Leonard, social protocol states when a friend is upset, you offer them a hot beverage, such as tea. Howard: Tea does sound nice. Sheldon: You heard the man, Leonard. And while you're at it, I'm upset that we have an unannounced houseguest, so make me cocoa. Point of inquiry, given that Leonard is your secondary friend and Koothrappali is your primary friend, why didn't you seek refuge under his roof? Howard: There's no room. His sister is staying with him. Leonard: Wait, wait. What? Sheldon: Cocoa, Leonard. Focus. I'm down in the dumps here. Leonard: Priya's in town? Howard: Yeah, some work thing. Anyway, my mother seems to think that Bernadette... Leonard: Hold on. When did Priya get here? Howard: I don't know. A couple of days ago. The thing is, Bernadette doesn't like that I have to take care of my mother, and my mother doesn't trust Bernadette. Leonard: Yeah, that's a real pickle. Bye. Sheldon: Don't worry. As your tertiary friend, I am prepared to step in and comfort you. Howard: That's not really necessary. Sheldon: No, no. I'll finish making the tea, while you narcissistically ramble on about whatever's troubling you. Howard: Thanks. Sheldon: That's what tertiary friends are for. Scene: Raj's Apartment. Leonard knocks on the door. Raj (inside): Who is it? Leonard: It's Leonard. Raj: You can't come in. Leonard: I just want to talk to her. Raj: I forbid it. Priya: Open the door, Rajesh. Raj: You heard me. I forbidded it. Priya: Forbidded it? Raj: Forbaded it? Priya: Get out of the way. What are you doing here? Leonard: What are you doing here? Priya: I have business in Los Angeles. Leonard: Why didn't you call? Raj: Clearly, she was sending you a message to take a hike, Mike. Priya: I'm sorry. I thought about calling, but I just wasn't sure if seeing you was such a good idea. Leonard: I know. Last time I came on too strong. Can we talk in private? Raj: No! Priya: Sure. Raj: It's completely inappropriate for a single woman to entertain a man in private. If you insist on talking, you must do it on the couch! All right, you may talk in the bedroom, but I want this door to remain open! All right, just this once you may close the door. But keep in mind I'll be right out here monitoring the situation! (Dials phone) Oh, damn it. Leonard, when you get this message, call me. (Dials again) Priya, this is your brother. When you get this, tell Leonard to check his voicemail. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Sheldon: Would you be sleeping over again this evening? Because you're welcome to. Howard: That's very nice of you, but I made other plans. Sheldon: Well, just keep in mind that should you ever need a slightly apathetic tertiary friend, I stand at the ready. Priya: Hi, Howard. Hi, Sheldon. Howard: Hey. Sheldon: Hello. Raj: Why are you holding hands? I forbid you to hold hands. Priya: Rajesh, you know Leonard and I spent the night together. Raj: Yeah, but you were just sleeping, because I forboded you to have s*x. Leonard: The word is forbade. Raj: Are you sure? That doesn't sound right. Priya: Listen, Rajesh, Leonard and I have decided to see each other again, and you don't get to tell me who I can and can't have a relationship with. Sheldon: Actually, he can. The Hindu Code of Manu is very clear in these matters. If a woman's father is not around, the duty of controlling her base desires falls to the closest male member of her family, in this case, Raj. The code also states that if she disobeys, she will be reborn in the womb of a jackal and tormented by diseases. If true, that seems like an awfully large gamble given that the prize is Leonard. Raj: There it is, Priya. We're Indian. We believe this stuff. Priya: I think it also says that if you eat beef, you need to live with cows for three months and drink their urine. Raj: Some of it makes sense, some of it's crazy. My point is, you can't go out with Leonard. Penny (arriving): Who can't go out with Leonard? Raj: My sister. Leonard: Penny, this is Raj's sister, Priya. Priya: It's very nice to meet you. Penny: Oh, yeah, you, too. Sheldon: Priya, if you're experiencing any tension or awkwardness, it may stem from the fact that Leonard and Penny used to, if I may quote Howard, do the dance with no pants. Penny: Sheldon! Leonard: Really? Howard: Hey, Bernadette, can I talk to you for a second? Bernadette: Sure. Raj: Penny, you became disenchanted with Leonard as a lover. Would you please tell my sister why? Howard: Listen, my mom's going to Palm Springs to visit her sister. That's two whole nights in a row I can sleep over with you all the way to morning. Unless the desert air dries out her sinuses, in which case I'll have to schlep out there with the big humidifier. Bernadette: That's it? That's your big solution to all of our problems? If your mom's nose holds up, we get two nights together? Howard: Isn't that great? Bernadette: No, it's not great. You need to make a choice. Me or your mother. Howard: Oh, uh... Bernadette: Wrong answer. Howard: No, wait. You didn't let me finish. Bernadette: I'm listening. Howard: Uh... Bernadette: Agh! Scene: Penny's apartment. (groans) Amy: I came as quickly as I could. Penny: Okay. Why? Amy: To comfort you, of course. Sheldon told me about Leonard dating Rajesh's sister. So I high-tailed it over here to pick up the pieces of your broken heart. Penny: Amy, I'm fine. Amy: You don't have to be strong for me. Now let's talk about Priya, that man-stealing bitch. Penny: What? Amy: In situations like this, best girlfriends are often catty about the other woman. Rawr. Penny: Really, I am not upset about Leonard and Priya. Amy: Oh. Then perhaps you don't understand what's going on. Your former boyfriend has replaced you with what appears to be a very suitable mate. Arguably much more suitable than you. Penny: Oh. Well, good for him. Hey, what do you mean, more suitable? Amy: Well, granted, Penny, your secondary sexual characteristics are reasonably bodacious. But Priya is highly educated, she's an accomplished professional, and she comes from the culture that literally wrote the book on neat ways to have s*x. Whereas you, on the other hand, are a community college dropout who comes from the culture that wrote the book on tipping cows. Penny: Yeah. Okay, I got it. I got it. So, what is all that stuff? Amy: This is a portable electroencephalogram. I'm doing research on emotions and brain activity. So when you start crying, I can see which region of the brain is activated. Then I'm going to stimulate the analogous area in the brain of a rhesus monkey and see if he cries. Cool, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Bernadette's apartment. Howard knocks on door. Howard: I choose you. Bernadette: Really? Howard: Yep. I moved out of my mother's house. Cord is cut. I'm all yours. Bernadette: What did she say when you told her? Howard: I don't know. She hasn't responded to my email yet. Bernadette: This is so great. I love you, Howard. Howard: I love you, too. So what's for dinner? Bernadette: Well, I don't really have much of anything in the house. Howard: That's fine. Why don't we go fool around in our bedroom? And then you can go shopping. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: I thought maybe after we eat, we could see an early movie. Priya: I'd love that. Leonard: I love the way you say, I'd love that. Raj: She says it the same way I do. I'd love that. Everybody in India says it that way. It's not a big deal. Priya: Rajesh, don't be a child. Raj: I'm not being a child. Leonard, I swear to God, if your sister ever comes to town, I shall have my way with her. Leonard: My sister's 38 and married. Raj: All the more shame that will fall upon the house of Hofstadter. Penny: Ooh, I thought I smelled pizza. Sheldon: That's remarkable. If pepperoni were an explosive substance, you could replace German shepherds at our nation's airports. Priya: Hi. Penny, right? Penny: Oh, yes. Hi, hi. I'm sorry. I didn't know you had company. I don't want to impose. Sheldon: No, no. It's not an imposition. At this point, in our ecosystem, you are akin to the plover, a small scavenging bird that eats extra food from between the teeth of crocodiles. Please, fly into our open maw, and have at it. Penny: If I had more than a box of baking soda in my refrigerator, I wouldn't have to take that. Amy: Hi, bestie. Penny: Hi. So, um, Priya, you're a lawyer, right? Priya: I know. Pretty boring, huh? Leonard: Oh, come on. It's not boring at all. She's currently helping set up a secondary derivative market which would allow overseas car firms to hedge their investments against potential advancements in battery technology. Hmm? Priya: Thank you, Leonard. That doesn't make it sound boring at all. Amy: So, how you holding up? Penny: I'm fine. Amy: Oh, who are you kidding? She's breathtaking. Priya: So, Penny, Leonard tells me you're an actress. That must be pretty exciting. Penny: Oh, yeah, yeah. It's real great. Today I drove to Van Nuys for an audition I thought was going to be for a cat food commercial. Turned out to be p0rn. Sheldon: Did you get the part? Penny: I didn't do the audition. Sheldon: Given the state of your career, can you really afford to be picky? Priya: I took acting classes when I was at Cambridge. I loved it. We did Taming of the Shrew. Leonard: Oh, wow. I love Taming of the Shrew. I did a paper on it in high school. Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail. Priya: In his tongue. Leonard: Whose tongue? Priya: Yours, if you talk of tails, and so farewell. Leonard: What, with my tongue in your tail? Amy: I'm regretting my earlier cattiness. She is an absolute delight. Scene: Bernadette's bedroom. Bernadette: Wow. Howard: Wow, indeed. Bernadette: I can't believe we're finally living together. Howard: Yeah. You know what would make this moment perfect? Bernadette: What? Howard: A little snack. You got any string cheese? Bernadette: No. I, I might have some cheddar. Howard: Not as good. You can't make strings with it. Remind me to put it on your shopping list. Bernadette: Okay. Howard: You have hypo-allergenic detergent? Bernadette: No. Howard: Better put it on the list. If you wash my underwear with regular soap, I get little red bumps on my tuchus. Bernadette: Wait a second. I'm doing your laundry? Howard: Well, honey, it's not gonna do itself. Oh, before I forget, tomorrow morning, you're driving me to the dentist. Bernadette: I have to take you? Howard: You don't have to take me. You get to take me. Bernadette: Wait a minute. Are you telling me your mother usually takes you to the dentist? Howard: It's not weird. There's lots of kids there with their moms. Bernadette: I can't believe this. Howard: What? It's fun. If I have no cavities, afterwards, we go out for a treat. Bernadette: All right, Howard, let's get something straight right now. I'm not going to be your mother. Howard: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where did that come from? Scene: Howard's house. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Who's that? Is it a s*x criminal? Howard: Nobody wants to do that to you, Ma. Mrs Wolowitz: Where were you? Howard: Didn't you read my email? Mrs Wolowitz: You know I can't turn on that ferkakta computer. I left you some brisket on the kitchen counter. Howard: Thank you. Mrs Wolowitz: Remember to floss after. We have the dentist in the morning! Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Oh, hey. What's up? Amy: I just wanted to check in on you. Penny: Why? Amy: It seems like the appropriate thing to do when one's best friend finds herself replaced by a smart, beautiful woman with the smouldering sexuality of a crouched Bengal tiger. Penny: I already told you, I'm okay with it. I mean, if anything, I'm quite pleased (starting to blub) that Leonard has found someone (starting to blub) that makes him so happy. Amy: It's okay, it's okay. Penny: Thank you. Amy: Now, let's get these electrodes attached and see what's going on in that pretty little noggin of yours. Penny: Okay. Scene: The apartment. Penny: I smell Chinese food. Sheldon: It's actually Thai. You're slipping. Penny: Are Leonard and Priya here? Sheldon: They went to Catalina for the weekend. Penny: Oh. Where's Raj? Sheldon: At home, forbidding it. Penny: How about Howard? Sheldon: I'm given to understand his mother grounded him for running away. Penny: Oh, okay. Well, I guess it's just the two of us, huh? Sheldon: Actually, it's the three of us. Amy (on webcam): What up, bestie? Good news. Thanks to you, I was able to make a rhesus monkey cry like a disgraced televangelist. Penny: Great. Amy: So, you feeling better? Penny: Not really. Amy: Sheldon, you have a guest who's upset. Sheldon: Right. I'll make tea. Penny: Oh, sweetie, it's okay. I don't want tea. Sheldon: I'm sorry. It's not optional.
Plan: A: Leonard; Q: Who does Priya resume dating? A: Raj's protests; Q: What is Priya ignoring when she returns to Leonard? A: Amy; Q: Who gets Penny to admit that she is jealous of Priya? A: the brainwaves; Q: What does Amy measure to see if she can measure jealousy? A: Bernadette; Q: Who insists that Howard leave his mother and move in with her? Summary: Priya returns and resumes dating Leonard, despite Raj's protests. Amy gets Penny to admit that she is extremely jealous of Priya, giving her the chance to measure the brainwaves associated with jealousy. Meanwhile, Bernadette insists that Howard leave his mother and move in with her. He eventually does so, but tells her a sad story about how much his mother depends on him. She then agrees that he can move back.
SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Town line. [SCENE_BREAK] (Tires screech) Grumpy: Come on. Someone's got to see what this new curse does. Any volunteers? Happy: I don't want to turn into a monkey. Sleepy: I like remembering who I am. Grumpy: I'm afraid one of us is gonna have to dig down deep and find the courage to see what happens when we step over that line. All: Not it. Grumpy: Dopey. I'll take your silence as bravery. Good for you. Come on. (Engine revs) (Siren wails, tires screech) Regina: Stop! Grumpy: Sorry, sister. We can't stay in Storybrooke as long as Emma's the Dark One. Snow Queen, Pan, Trio of Terror. We can handle villains like that. But Emma? She was one of us. She knows how we beat bad guys... Hell, she beat most of them for us. So tell me... how do we stand a chance against her? Regina: If you're dumb enough to cross the line, be my guest. Grumpy: Who's gonna save us if we stay... you? Go on. Do it. (Dopey steps over the town line, and turns around to give two thumbs up.) Grumpy: Now, if you'll excuse us. (Rumbling) (Cracking) (Creaking) (Dopey turns into a tree.) (Sighs) Mary Margaret: Oh, no. Regina: Oh. Well, that's new. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. [SCENE_BREAK] (birds chirping) Henry: Wow. David: Wow is right. Mary Margaret: I am so not dressed for this. Man: His Royal Highness, King Arthur. King Arthur: And now allow me to introduce the loveliest creature in all of Camelot... my Queen, Guinevere. Mary Margaret: Your Majesty. Queen Guinevere: The pleasure is ours. We have been awaiting your arrival from the moment we heard Merlin's prophecy. David: Well, we hope you haven't been waiting too long. King Arthur: Only a decade or so. David: (Chuckles) Ah, sorry. King Arthur: I'll wager it's been worth the wait. And as a bonus, it's given us more than enough time to prepare a ball in your honor tonight. Grumpy: Oh, see, told you we should come. Look what we've been missing out on. Granny: I like any party I don't have to cater. Grumpy: So do we. Zelena: Is this really necessary? Regina: You're lucky you're not locked in Granny's freezer. Zelena: Take it off. Or I tell Arthur he just welcomed the Dark One into his... Regina: What's that, sis? I can't hear you. No one here knows who we are, and it's gonna stay that way. So you can either behave and pretend to be my mute handmaiden or go back to Granny's where you can rely on Doc for prenatal care. Hook: We don't have time to waste on a bloody dance. Emma: I'm not going to go dark in one night. Hook: I'm not willing to take that chance. Your Majesty... When are we gonna start our quest to find Merlin? King Arthur: Wh... find him? We don't need to find him. We know exactly where he is. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Merlin's tree. [SCENE_BREAK] [Birds chirping] Hook: So, the most powerful sorcerer in all the realms is stuck inside a bloody tree? King Arthur: I said the same exact thing the first time I stood there. Emma: And you think we can get him out? King Arthur: Oh, we don't think... we know. Merlin's prophecies are never wrong. Percival: Why are you so eager to free him? David: Our home is being threatened by... It's called the Dark One. King Arthur: The Dark One. Yes, we're well aware of that demon. That is bad. Well, I pray Merlin can help. But, first, we must free him from his prison. It is said one of you is the Savior. So which of you is it? Emma: I... Regina: I am the Savior. I'm the one who's going to free Merlin from that tree, and then we can take care of the Dark One. And all go home. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Gold's shop. [SCENE_BREAK] (Door opens) Hook: True love's kiss. I need to know why it didn't work for you and the Bloody Crocodile. Belle: Why, it did work, the first time. It awoke the man behind the beast. But Rumple got scared of a life without power, and he chose power over love. He pulled away from me, and in that moment, the darkness forever regained its grip on him. You know, a curse isn't a curse anymore when the afflicted wants it. Hook: That won't be a problem with Emma. Belle: Killian, wait. I know you think you can handle a dark... Hook: I've battled him for centuries. I'm still here. Belle: But you were trying to kill him. And now, well... It's far easier to hate a dark one than it is to love one. Be careful. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Docks. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: Emma Swan, Emma Swan, Emma Swan. Emma: Henry. Henry: Mom? (Emma reaches for Henry's hand, and he pulls away from her.) Emma: You don't have to be scared of me. Henry: What happened? Why are you like this now? Emma: It's complicated. Henry: I'm sorry, Mom. Whatever happened in Camelot, I'm sorry we failed you. Emma: I know what I said last night, but, Henry, you didn't fail me. Everyone else did. Regina: Get away from my son. Emma: What's the matter, Regina? Are you afraid Henry will learn the truth about what happened in Camelot? Regina: If the truth is so important to you, why did you erase our memories? Emma: It's a curse, Regina. Regina: I know, but what I can't figure out is why. Emma: If I wanted you to know, I wouldn't have erased your memories. Regina: You know we won't stop until we get them back. Emma: It's not going to happen, Regina, because I did learn from you, and I built this curse without the one thing you need to break it... A savior. Regina: Hmm. Well, we'll find a way. We always have. Emma: Yes, with me. Now you're on your own. Henry: You can do it, Mom. You can be the Savior. Emma: It's not going to happen. Regina: You don't think I have it in me? Emma: I know you don't. Regina: Well, you're wrong. I can protect this town. Emma: We'll see about that, because there's a problem headed to Storybrooke that only a savior can solve. It's too bad there isn't one. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Main street. [SCENE_BREAK] Grumpy: We just can't leave him there. He'll starve. Happy: What do trees eat? Grumpy: Sunlight? Happy: He liked tacos. Grumpy: Yeah? How the hell are we gonna give a tree a taco? Happy: Yeah. (Horse whinnying. Arthur and two knights show up on horseback.) Grumpy: Didn't anyone ever teach you not to mess with a dwarf and his pickaxe? (Groans) King Arthur: Didn't anyone ever teach you to kneel before a king? Now, tell me where am I and how the hell did I get here? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Mayor's office. [SCENE_BREAK] King Arthur: A curse? Regina: That brought you to our realm and wiped the last six weeks from your memory. King Arthur: Who would do that? David: We weren't completely honest with you on the way to Camelot. Mary Margaret: Our daughter, Emma, was... Is the Dark One. She cast the curse. King Arthur: You lied to me? You let me lead the darkest of souls into the heart of my kingdom? David: We thought Merlin would be able to destroy the darkness inside her. King Arthur: Well, obviously that didn't work out. Where's the Dark One now? Mary Margaret: Emma. She's here in Storybrooke. King Arthur: Well, then there's only one way to defeat her... The Dark One dagger. Mary Margaret: Defeat isn't exactly what we had in mind. David: She's our daughter, and... Well, she has the dagger. Robin Hood: I'm afraid you and your knights aren't the only ones that Emma dragged here from Camelot. Little John said he ran into some of your subjects in the forest. King Arthur: Are they all right? Robin Hood: They' a little shaken up, but there may still be some of them out there. I'm gonna round up the merry men and search the East Woods. David: I'll take the dwarfs. We'll start in the West. Arthur, you're with me. Mary Margaret: What is it? Regina: These toy soldiers. I could kill them all with a wave of my hand. Mary Margaret: Regina! Regina: Well, I don't mean I will. My point is this can't be what Emma warned me about. Mary Margaret: She obviously brought them here for a reason. Regina: She said we were going to face a problem. only a savior can handle. I'm telling you, something else is coming our way. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Merlin's tower. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Merlin's tower. There must be something in here to help get him out of the tree. Emma: Never do that to me again. Regina: Oh, now you're talking to me. Emma: I don't know... Am I allowed to? (Sighs) Regina: You gave this to me. Emma: To protect me, not use against me. Regina: I saved your life. Emma: By pretending to be me? Regina: Oh, shut up and listen. (Emma tries to speak and finds she can't.) Regina: Oh. I can get used to this. Look, if you told Arthur you were the Savior, he would have asked you to free Merlin. You would have had to use magic... dark magic. Do you remember what happened last time you dabbled in that? Emma: I lost control. Regina: And you gave me this dagger so that wouldn't happen again. But I wasn't lying. I don't care what Merlin's prophecy says. I'm gonna figure out how I can get that wizard out so you won't ever have to use dark magic again. So, really, Swan, you should be thanking me. (Emma is forced to respond to the command, since Regina is holding the dagger.) Emma: Thank you. Regina: Whatever. Emma: Regina... I mean it. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Woods. [SCENE_BREAK] Robin Hood: We covered the forest. I think we found everyone who came over. Regina. Regina. Regina: Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry. I was just... Robin Hood: What? What happened? What did Emma say to you? (Sighs) Regina: She said nobody believes I can protect this town. Robin Hood: That's not true. Everybody knows how far you've come. Regina: Well, they may not see me as the Evil Queen anymore, but I need to prove to them I can be more. Forgiving me is one thing, but... it doesn't mean they're ready to be led by me, ready to trust me. Queen Guinevere: Arthur! King Arthur: Guinevere. Queen Guinevere: Oh. King Arthur: Oh, thank God you're all right. I feared the worst. Queen Guinevere: Where is it? Where is Excalibur? King Arthur: I'm afraid it was missing when I arrived here. David: Don't worry. If your sword's here, we'll find it. King Arthur: You know of Excalibur. How? David: (Chuckles) In this realm, you're kind of a legend. (Creature chittering) Roland: (Screams) Daddy! Robin Hood: Regina! (Creature shrieking) Robin Hood: Help! (Robin is abducted by a flying black creature.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Main street, next to Emma's yellow bug. [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: Where are you? Don't make me summon you, Swan. Emma: You just did. (Emma transports them to her house.) Emma: I was looking for you, too. The new look comes with some other perks. Hook: Where the bloody hell are we? Emma: My place. Come on. Emma: What do you think? Hook: I think I'm surprised you invited me in. Emma: Just because I'm the Dark One doesn't mean we can't still be together. (Killian notices a door to the basement, but is cut off by Emma.) Emma: I still also know the fastest way to a pirate's heart is through his liver. Hook: There's an even faster way. (Hook attempts a true love's kiss.) Emma: Now, there's the pirate I remember. Hook: It didn't bloody work. Emma: You've been talking to Belle. Hook: Why didn't it work? Emma: It didn't work because there's nothing to fix. This is who I am now. Why can't you accept that? Why can't anyone accept that? Hook: Because this isn't you. What the hell happened in Camelot? Emma: That seems to be the question of the day. Hook: Then bloody answer me! Emma: (Sighs) I wish I could. Hook: You can tell me anything. Emma: But that would be no fun. I'm tired of talking. Now, do you want to stay or not? Hook: Sorry, Swan. This may be who you think you are, but this isn't who I am. (Hook walks away without kissing Emma and leaves her house.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Woods. [SCENE_BREAK] David: This way! King Arthur: There it is! (Creature shrieking) Regina: You're not taking him anywhere. (Groans) Regina: So, you want to do this the hard way? Good, because I love the hard way. (Groans) Mary Margaret: Regina! You okay? Regina: I'm alive, if that's what you mean. Mary Margaret: She needs help. David: Leroy, get her to the hospital. Regina: No, no, I have to go after... I have to go after that thing, Robin. Mary Margaret: You have to get checked out. Regina: You don't believe I can do this. That's what this is. Mary Margaret: We won't let anything happen to him, but you need to let someone look at you. Regina: Go. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Merlin's tree. [SCENE_BREAK] Percival: My lady. Regina: For me? Percival: You are the Savior, after all. His Majesty would be honored if you would wear this to the ball tonight. Regina: (Gasps) (Chuckles) Percival: I look forward to a dance this evening. Robin Hood: He's not the only one looking forward to a dance with the Savior. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Guest tower. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margaret: Now, if he gets fussy, he probably just needs to be changed. David: Are you sure you don't want us to get Granny? Doc: If I go to the ball, I'll just get stuck being Grumpy's wing man. Regina: I can watch him. I'm not going. Mary Margaret: But you have to. Everyone's expecting you. Regina: I should be figuring out how to free Merlin, not fox-trotting my way across Club Med-ieval. Mary Margaret: Regina. Regina: What? Mary Margaret: The truth. Regina: I can't go, all right? I can't. Mary Margaret: Because why? Regina: Because. Because I don't know how to dance. Mary Margaret: Well, that can't be possible. You and I went to dozens of balls together. Regina: Where your father was more interested in dancing with his precious daughter than his wife. David: I doubt Robin Hood will mind if you step on a few toes. Mary Margaret: This isn't about Robin, is it? Regina: People are expecting a savior tonight, not an ex-evil queen. How will they ever believe I can free Merlin if I can't even convince them I know how to dance? Mary Margaret: You can if we teach you. Regina: No. David: Doc. Regina: (Scoffs) David: Your Majesty. Mary Margaret: Wait, sorry. The first thing my mother taught me about dancing... You have to learn to move in a dress, not a sensible pantsuit. Regina: Fine. (Regina magics herself into a black evil queen dress.) Regina: What? David: It's a little... scary. Mary Margaret: What he means is if you want people to see you as the Savior, maybe you should go for something a bit less evil? (Regina magics herself into a pink dress.) Mary Margaret: Now, that is perfect. And it even matches your necklace. David: All right, follow me. Just feel it. Step back with your left. All right? Regina: Mm-hmm. David: And... oh, oh, that's okay. That's all right. You're fine, you're fine. Ready? And... one, two, three. One, two, three. There you go. (Both chuckle) (Camera pans to Percival, who is watching the conversation through the necklace in Merlin's tower.) David: Now, when we're done, everyone in Camelot will believe you're the Savior. One, two, three. One, two, three. (Chuckles) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Emma's room. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margaret: I remember my first ball. I was 8 years old, and my mother said I was finally old enough to go. It was magical... All of the lights, the music. And I remember thinking, "I can't wait to someday share all of this with a daughter of my own." Emma: I'm glad I get to share it with you, too, Mom. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Main hall. [SCENE_BREAK] Footman: Presenting Lady Emma and Lady Mary Margaret. (Applause) Hook: Swan, you look... Emma: I know. Footman: Presenting the Savior. (Applause) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Gold's shop. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: You son of a bitch. You made me like this. You made me the Evil Queen. You're the reason no one believes in me. And I'm gonna prove you wrong. I'm gonna prove them all wrong. I just... Belle: Regina, I, uh... I found something. Regina: A Fury? Belle: A demon sent from the underworld to collect the unpaid price of magic. Regina: Someone used magic in Camelot and didn't pay up. Belle: Yeah, but, Regina, the Fury doesn't come for just any price. It comes when the price for magic is a life. Regina: Robin. Y-you mean that demon is here to drag him to the underworld? Belle: Yeah, but the portal only opens when the moon reaches the zenith. Regina: Then there's still some time to stop it. Belle: It's... it's not that simple. I'm afraid there's only one way to save Robin Hood. Someone has to give their life in his place. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Courtyard. [SCENE_BREAK] (Indistinct conversations) Grumpy: You know what I see when I see that rose? Hope. Belle: Hope? But every petal that falls brings Rumple closer to death. Grumpy: And every petal still on the stem is another chance to save him. Belle: Thanks, Leroy. Would, uh... would you care to dance? (Chuckles) (Indistinct conversations) Mary Margaret: David, look. David: Uh-oh, first crush. I'm on it. David: You know you could just walk over there and introduce yourself. Henry: That's your strategy, Gramps? Introduce yourself? David: Think about it. You're from another land. You're mysterious, intriguing. Use it. (Chuckles) Henry: You, uh, looked thirsty. (Chuckles) Violet: You mean bored. Thanks. Henry: So, you're not having fun? Violet: (Scoffs) Please. We have one of these practically every night in Camelot. Henry: Uh, yeah, it's pretty lame. (Henry takes out his mp3 player and ear buds.) Violet: What is that? Henry: Just a gift from from the Savior. Violet: A gift from the Savior? Really? Henry: More like a token of appreciation for saving the day when everyone was trapped in an alternate universe. Yeah, I did that. (Chuckles) Violet: How heroic. Are you a knight? Henry: Better... I'm a writer. (Chuckles) (Chuckles) ♪ Looking from a window above ♪ ♪ it's like a story of love ♪ (chuckles) ♪ Can you hear me? ♪ Violet: I'm Violet. Henry: Henry. ♪ Came back only yesterday ♪ (chuckles) ♪ Moving farther away ♪ ♪ want you near me ♪ ♪ all I needed was the love you gave ♪ ♪ All I needed for another day ♪ ♪ and all I ever knew ♪ ♪ only you ♪ (Percival approaches Regina and Robin, who are dancing.) Percival: May I cut in? It would be an honor to dance with the Savior. Regina: (Chuckles) Percival: I trust you're having a lovely evening. Regina: Oh, yes. Everything's... Who's that girl talking to my son? Percival: The better question is, who are you? Regina: (Chuckles) What are you talking about? Percival: Let me tell you a story. Many years ago, a boy returned to his village in the Enchanted Forest to find it ablaze. Villagers screaming, terror in their eyes... his whole world burning like a funeral pyre. The boy hid, praying for mercy. But none came, only an angel of death. And she slipped through the flames, relishing in the horror she wrought. But before she escaped, she saw the boy. And amidst the carnage, do you know what she did? She smiled at him. Regina: You were the boy. Percival: And you were the Evil Queen. Regina: Who else knows? Who have you told? Percival: No one. Regina: Why not? Percival: Because Arthur would have stopped me from doing this. Robin Hood: Regina! (Robin tackles Percival and they wrestle for control of the sword. Emma raises her hand to use magic to stop Percival.) Hook: No, Swan! You can't use dark magic. (David runs over and stabs Percival with his sword, but not before Percival stabs Robin in the side.) Regina: Robin! Robin! No! No! No, no, no! No! (Breathing heavily) Regina: No. (Dramatic music) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Emma's house. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: Swan! Where the hell are you? Emma: You know, it's customary to bring a gift for a housewarming. Maybe a nice bottle of wine. Regina: We need to talk. Emma: I suppose we could bottle that rage and drink it instead. Regina: You're right... I'm not the Savior. Emma: Glad you finally caught up with the rest of us. Regina: I don't have a choice. I know the only way to stop the Fury is to pay its price. Emma: Then why aren't you off paying it? Regina: Because I know what it is. A life. I won't sacrifice someone else to save Robin. Emma: Now you're going to be heroic? Now life is precious to you? Regina: Emma... Listen to me. I know you. The good you... is still in there. Emma: You of all people know there are no good or bad versions of ourselves. It is just me. Regina: Then call the Fury off. It's your test. Emma: No. Regina: No? Emma: Let me make myself clear, Regina... I am done fixing your problems. Regina: My problems?! You started this. You called it here. Emma: Oh, you think I did this? Regina: Would I be here otherwise? Emma: That's your problem, Regina... You're always looking for someone else to blame. I did not summon that monster. The price is not mine to pay. Regina: Then whose is it? Emma: Yours. You are the one who did not pay the price of magic in Camelot. You want to save Robin Hood? You want everyone to believe you're the Savior? Then step up and do what needs to be done! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Tower. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margaret: Can you heal him? (Regina attempts to use magic to heal Robin, but her hands glow purple.) Robin Hood: (Gasps) (Whimpers) David: Why didn't it work? Regina: (Sighs) This sword was enchanted to kill me. My magic can't heal him. (Regina turns to Emma.) Regina: But maybe yours can. Hook: No. No, we can't let her use dark magic. Mary Margaret: Regina, this was the whole point of your pretending to be the Savior. Regina: The whole point was not for Robin to die. And I'm not asking you. I'm asking... I'm asking her. Emma: I don't know what will happen if I use my powers again. Regina: I can use that dagger to make you do this, but I'm not. I'm asking you. I've lost love before, and I won't again. Please. Save him. Emma: All right. I'll try. Rumplestiltskin: Attagirl. Emma: What are you doing here? Rumplestiltskin: I've told you... I'm here to help you embrace the darkness. Hook: Emma, who are you talking to? Emma: No one. Hook: This is too much for her. Emma: I'm fine. I can do this. Rumplestiltskin: Not yet, dearie. First, you must take a price for the magic. Emma: I won't take one to save somebody. Rumplestiltskin: Well, sorry, dearie, but these are the rules. I didn't make them up. There has to be a price. Emma: Fine. I'll pay it. Rumplestiltskin: It doesn't work that way. She asked for the magic, she has to pay it. Emma: It'll be different. I'm the Savior. Rumplestiltskin: (Chuckles) Regina: Emma, who are you talking to? What's going on? Emma: It's okay. I can do this. (Emma heals Robin with magic.) Robin Hood: (Gasping) Regina: Robin! Robin. Robin Hood: Regina. (Emma turns and passionately kisses Hook in an attempt to ward off the darkness.) Hook: Emma, you all right? Emma: I'm fine. I feel a little woozy. I think I'll lie down for a bit. Rumplestiltskin: You liked the power, didn't you? Emma: No. I just did what had to be done. Rumplestiltskin: Oh, well, if that were true, then why didn't your kiss stop that? (Emma's hand glows gold.) (Giggles) Rumplestiltskin: Tasty, isn't it... The darkness? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. A moonlit lake. A hooded figure on a boat glides across the water. [SCENE_BREAK] (Wings flapping) (Fury chitters) (Sparkling) Mary Margaret: There it is! Over there! David: What is it? (Fury shrieks) Regina: No! Stop! If you want a life, take mine! (Fury shrieks) Mary Margaret: Regina, what are you doing?! Regina: What I should have done in Camelot! Mary Margaret: You don't have to do this alone. I'm with you. David: Me, too! Grumpy: I've got you, sister! (King Arthur also joins in.) (Fury shrieks) (All gasping) (The hooded figure retreats backwards on the lake.) Regina: Oh, my god. Are you okay? Are you okay? Robin Hood: It appears you found a few believers. Regina: How did you know that would work? Mary Margaret: Lucky guess. David: Regina, we weren't gonna let you go. Grumpy: Standing up to that monster proved one thing... if anyone's gonna save this town, it's you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Granny's. Everyone is celebrating, but Hook is drinking from his flask at the bar. [SCENE_BREAK] Belle: You know, Granny will give you a glass if you ask. You tried to kiss her? Hook: Aye. She didn't even flinch. Belle: I'm sorry. Hook: It's not over. I spent over a century trying to find a way to kill the Bloody Crocodile. I can spend at least that long trying to save the woman I love. Belle: Yeah. Violet: What is this? Is it magic? Henry: Sort of. We call it a jukebox. Violet: Oh. Henry: If you feed it, it will sing for you. ("Only You" plays) ♪ Looking from a window above ♪ ♪ it's like a story of love ♪ Henry: Right. You're not from here. ♪ Can you hear me? ♪ Henry: Our music takes some getting used to. ♪ Came back only yesterday ♪ Violet: No, it's... ♪ Moving farther away ♪ Violet: I... I feel like I've heard this before. ♪ Want you near me ♪ ♪ all I needed was the love you gave ♪ Violet: I'm Violet. Henry: Henry. Violet: Hi. ♪ All I needed for another day ♪ (both chuckle) ♪ And all I ever knew ♪ ♪ only you ♪ David: Mary Margaret? It's okay. We're gonna get Emma back, and we're gonna win this fight. Mary Margaret: I know. You're forgetting one thing, David. If we win... Emma loses. ♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪ ♪ All I needed for another day ♪ ♪ and all I ever knew ♪ (Emma watches Granny's from across the street, walks towards it, then turns and walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Tower. [SCENE_BREAK] King Arthur: I hope you'll accept my apology. We don't normally try and kill our guests in Camelot. Percival's actions were inexcusable. Regina: But he was right. I am the Evil Queen. King Arthur: Camelot is a place of second chances. Who you were doesn't matter, just who you are. And if you were able to save him with your magic, then you really are the Savior Merlin prophesied. (Emma watches from the door.) Regina: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Camelot. Six weeks ago. Round table. [SCENE_BREAK] Queen Guinevere: These strangers frighten me, Arthur. King Arthur: You know Merlin's prophecy as well as I do. They're meant to be here. Queen Guinevere: Merlin tells us what happens, but he doesn't tell us how. Percival... is dead. Who knows what other trouble they'll bring? King Arthur: They're here to destroy the Dark One. That won't be easy. But helping them may be the only way I'll ever get my hands on that monster's dagger. Guinevere, if I don't make Excalibur whole again, we'll lose everything we worked so hard to build. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present time. Emma's house. Emma fingers the Dark One dagger. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: What's the matter, dearie? Feeling left out? Emma: What are you doing here? I already embraced the darkness. Rumplestiltskin: You did, but I'm back because there's more work to be done... Something bigger than both of us. (Basement door creaks open) Rumplestiltskin: As long as the dark ones existed, one thing has always held us back. (Camera pans to Mary Margaret and David feeding baby Neal.) Rumplestiltskin: The pull of the family we were so desperate to protect. (Camera pans to Henry and Violet in front of the juke box.) Rumplestiltskin: The friendships that make it impossible to forget who we used to be. (Camera pans to Regina using magic to turn Sneezy from stone to flesh.) Rumplestiltskin: The magic that threatens to undo our most evil deeds. (Sneezes) (Camera pans to Belle and Hook clinking glasses of rum.) Rumplestiltskin: And, worst of all... The love that refuses to give up on us. You see, no matter how hard we try, we can't escape the reach of the light. But, Emma Swan, you can change that. That's why you brought that sword here. You can do what no Dark One before you has ever done. You can make that weapon whole again and use it to snuff out the light... forever. (Emma attempts to pull the sword from the stone and is blasted back.) Rumplestiltskin: (Giggles) Rumplestiltskin: Did you really think it would be that simple, dearie? If you want that sword, you're gonna have to pay the price.
Plan: A: The Storybrooke residents; Q: Who wants to keep Arthur and the rest of Camelot from revealing their identities? A: Emma; Q: Who brought the Excalibur sword with the stone to Storybrooke? A: Merlin; Q: Who is the dark one trying to find? A: The Savior; Q: What does Regina pretend to be in order to save Emma? A: a ball; Q: Where are the residents feted in their honor? A: Percival; Q: Who tries to avenge himself on Regina? A: the deception; Q: What did Percival catch on to? A: Percival's enchanted sword; Q: What weapon did Robin get stabbed with? A: David kills Percival; Q: Who kills Percival? A: the price; Q: What does Regina have to pay to make Excalibur whole? A: the Dark One; Q: What are the residents of Storybrooke fearing Emma as? A: the Fury; Q: What demon tries to take Robin's soul? A: Robin's soul; Q: What does the Fury want to take from Regina? A: payment; Q: What does the Fury want to take from Robin's soul? A: Regina's behalf; Q: Why did Emma save Robin? A: Emma's good side; Q: What does Hook feel is no longer there? A: Henry; Q: Who meets a girl named Violet? Summary: The Storybrooke residents try to keep Arthur and the rest of Camelot from revealing their identities and prevent Emma from going dark as they search for Merlin, so Regina pretends to be The Savior in order to save Emma. Unfortunately, as the residents are feted at a ball in their honor, Percival catches on to the deception, attempts to avenge himself on Regina. In the ensuing fight, Robin is stabbed with Percival's enchanted sword, but David kills Percival. Regina begs Emma to save Robin, but despite Hook's plea not to, Emma does so, and results in Regina eventually paying the price. In Storybrooke, the residents, and the now-transplanted Arthurians, are becoming fearful of Emma as the Dark One, and Regina must step up when a demon called the Fury attempts to take Robin's soul as payment, due to Emma having saved him on Regina's behalf. Meanwhile, Hook is feeling that Emma's good side is no longer there, while Henry meets a girl named Violet . It is revealed that Emma brought the Excalibur sword with the stone to Storybrooke, but she can't pull out Excalibur to make it whole unless she pays the price.
Dwight: Brain teaser. I have two coins totaling 15 cents and one of them is not a nickel. What are they? Ryan: A dime and a nickel. Dwight: No, I said one of them is not a nickel. Ryan: But the other one is. I've heard that before. Dwight: Ok. A man and his son get into a car accident. They are rushed to the hospital. The doctor says, there is no way I can operate on this boy, ... Ryan: Because he's my son. The doctor is the boy's mother. Dwight: A man is found hanging from the ceiling... Ryan: He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself, and the ice melted. Dwight: A hunter. Ryan: It's a polar bear because you're at the North Pole. Dwight: Damn it! [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Tell me what you did yesterday. Michael: Uhhh... nothing. Jan: Nothing? Michael: Yeah, nothing. How was your day? Jan: I don't care how your day was Michael. Michael: Wow. Well. Ok. I don't care how your day was either, Jan. I was just asking you because you asked me. Why do you set me up like that? Jan: Tell me what you did yesterday. Michael: I worked. And then I went home to my condo. And Carol came over. And then we had s*x. Is that what you want to hear? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Hi, Pam. Pam: Hi. Jan: I'm great. So, Pam I would like you to keep a log of everything Michael does hour by hour so we can analyze it at corporate. Ok? Pam: Oh, I don't know if I'm... Jan: Thanks Pam. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: It's weird. Jan use to treat Michael like he was a ten year old, but lately it's like he's five. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: So you excited? Ryan: Yeah. Dwight: Very excited? Ryan: Yes. I'm very excited. Dwight: Extremely excited? ... Just very? That's cool. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: I have spent a year here. I have to commit or get out. Dwight's the top salesman in the company and he's taking me on my first sales call today. And, um, I'm excited. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I am very excited. Ryan hasn't made a sale yet, but more importantly, he hasn't made an ally yet. Is he going to be a slacker-loser-wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions? [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: So what if they're not talking much, then does it makes sense to kind of lead the conversation? You know, just 'till it gets to a point where they are asking questions? [car stops] So where's the sales office? Dwight: When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: [squeaky chair] Hey. Jim: What? Karen: My chair is squeaking. Jim: Is it? Karen: You took my chair. Jim: No, I didn't. I took back my chair that you took from me, but I didn't take your chair. Karen: When you get up, I'm just going to take it back anyway, so... Jim: So I guess I can't get up. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding Pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Do you know where we are, temp? Ryan: I know where we're not. Dwight: I hold in my hand, a beet seed. Take it. [Ryan tries to take it, Dwight closes hand] AH! [Ryan tries again and takes seed] When... Damn it. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey, Big Tuna, can I talk to you for a second. Jim: Sure. Andy: Can you stand up? And talk to me over there? Karen: That's it? That's what you came up with? Andy: I'm acting my heart out here. Karen: Really? Andy: Yeah, really. You asked for my help, so I helped. [SCENE_BREAK] Announcer: Attention Scranton Business Park, there will be complimentary pretzels in the lobby from now until 4 o'clock as a thank you to our loyal tenants. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Once a year they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. To some people it is. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Productivity is important but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain? That I cannot get out. And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So I'm just going to have my soft pretzel, then I'll get to work, and I'll be super productive. Look out for me. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [looks at long pretzel line] Oh, shhh... Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I'm going to plant my seed in you. Ryan: I don't think you know what you're saying. Dwight: Smells pretty bad, doesn't it? Ryan: Uh huh. Dwight: It's called bull crap and a client can smell it from a mile away. Ryan: Gotcha. Dwight: Oh hey, I forgot something in my car. I'll be right back. Ryan: Ok. [Dwight drives away] Of course. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little, but on Pretzel Day? Well, I like pretzel day. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Because they acted all tough and everything... Michael: Uh huh. Kelly: But what they were rapping about was cupcakes and the Chronicles of Narnia. God. Who invented cupcakes, right? I want to... Michael: [Phyllis embraces Bob ahead in line] Hey, hey, hey! Phyllis, what are you doing? Phyllis: I'm just saying hi to Bob. Michael: No, I think you're cutting in line. Bob: Well settle down, Scott. Michael: No, I'm not going to settle down. Stanley: No way. Michael: Get in the back please. Stanley: Boooooo. Booooo. Back of the line. Michael: Boooooo. Thank you. [hi-five's Stanley]. That's right. Bob: What a pair of Mary's. Stanley: This is Pretzel Day. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Hey Dwight, you're a great salesman. Can you teach me? Sure, Ryan. I'll make you the ole commodor. I'll abandon you in a beet field. Huh. That sounds great, Dwight, I'll really appreciate that. Thank you so much for your mentorship. Dwight: Congratulations resourceful salesman. You have passed the second challenge. Welcome to Schrute Farm. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: [rocks in squeaky chair] Jim: [sings] Love me, love me, say that you love me, fool me, fool me, Karen: stop. Jim: Go on and fool me. Love me, love me, say that you love me Karen: This is not fair, this is going to be in my head all day. Please. Jim: fool me, fool me, go on and fool me. Love me, Karen: This is not a proportionate response. Jim: Love me, say that you love me. Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I don't care 'bout anything but you... what ever happened to those guys? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Michael. Michael: No cuts. Oh, Pam. Just the woman I'd like to see. You read my mind. Pam: Great! I thought you could use this time to authorize some checks. Michael: I thought that maybe you could wait in line for me while I go to the bathroom. You're an angel. Pam: Hey, why don't you just go up to your office, get some work done, and I'll just bring you a pretzel. Michael: Because I like them a certain way, and if it gets screwed up, then whole thing is blown. Pam: You know, I just think it's really important that you be productive today. Michael: Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination. I'll be back. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: It is time for your next test. You have planted the beet seed. You have walked the long lonely walk of loneliness. Ryan: Look man, I was in a frat in college. So I know what you're doing. I get it. Dwight: You know what your problem is? You know why you haven't made any sales? Cause you think you know everything. You have to trust that maybe there are other people that can teach you things. Are you ready to learn? Are you ready for the final test? Ryan: Yeah. Dwight: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: Thank you! [takes pretzel] Michael: Hi. Please tell me that you have a sweet pretzel left. Pretzel guy: We do. Michael: Thank God. Pretzel guy: And we have 18 different toppings. We have sweet glaze, cinnamon sugar, chocolate, white chocolate, fudge, M&M's, caramel dip, mint chip, chocolate chip, marshmallow, nuts, toffee nuts, coconuts, peanut butter drizzle, Oreos, sprinkles, cotton candy bits, and powdered sugar. Michael: Is there anyway that you could do all, all of them? Pretzel guy: The Works. You got it. Michael: All right! Thank you! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Please be seated. [man runs behind Dwight] Ryan: Who was that? Dwight: Pay no attention to the spirits that haunt this hallowed ground. Ryan: Is that your Cousin Mose? Dwight: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Mose is my cousin and he lives here. He will always be my best friend. Unless things go well with Ryan today in which case, I won't hang out with Mose so much anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: What is the greatest danger facing Dunder Mifflin? Ryan: Outsourcing and consolidation of competition. Dwight: Wrong. Flash floods. What is the true cause of Robert Mifflin's suicide? Ryan: Depression? Dwight: Wrong. He hated himself. What is the DHARMA initiative? [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: I can't believe that Ryan is not back yet. Where could they be? Angela: Sales take a long time. Kelly: Oh my God, I'm so worried. Angela: I'm sure Dwight will protect him. Kelly: I don't know. Dwight's so weird. Angela: He's not weird, he's just individualistic. Kelly: No, he's a freak. Angela: You're a freak! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Final question, young Ryan Howard. What is Michael Scott's greatest fear? Ryan: Um, loneliness. Maybe women. Dwight: Wrong. He's not afraid of anything. Also, I would have accepted snakes. Fear is what it's all about. You cannot sell while undergoing fear. You need to vanquish fear! One must wrestle fear to the ground. You will now wrestle my cousin Mose. Ryan: No. Ok. All right. All right. It's over. This is over. OK. Dwight: Wrestle him to the ground. Ryan: No, you're a freak. I'm not doing this anymore. This is over. Goodbye. Dwight: Ryan. Don't. Ryan! You don't have to wrestle him. Just get in the coffin. Ryan? Cousin Mose: Bye, Ryan. He seemed nice. Dwight: Where are all the animals? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Ryan, come on. I am sorry. I am sorry. Mose is sorry too. Look, he sent over a basket with eggs and some fat back bacon. And look, something he whittled. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: You still mad? It's just Jim and I didn't get along, and I didn't want it to be that way again. You know, I wanted us to be a team. An unstoppable team that competed against other teams. Ryan: Look, that, that's not what I wanted, ok. I just wanted to go on a sales call. Dwight: Screwgun. The sales call! [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [Michael is listening to "Rock And Roll Part 2 by Gary Glitter" and everyone can hear it. Kevin singing in unison with the song] Hey! Hey! Michael: Mr. Kosseli. Hey hey hey, the Cos. What's going on? Do we have a deal? Deal or no deal? Let's make a deal. So what is the deal? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Establish time frames. Keep the phrase "real dollars" in their head. And always keep the power in the conversation. That's why you're losing them on the cold calls. Cause you say the word please too much. Ryan: Wait, can you go back? Dwight: Michael always said, K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, stupid. Great advice, hurts my feelings every time. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Ok, I'm going to establish time frames. Dwight: Good. Ryan: I'm going to put everything in terms of "real dollars". Dwight: Right. Ryan: I'm going to ask a lot of questions that all have sort of positive answers. Dwight: Uh huh. Ryan: Saying, that would be better, or we would like that. That sort of thing. Dwight: Exactly. Yes. Ryan: I'm going to try to be confident, but not cocky. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Oh! Hey! Everyone, I am officially streamlining the efficiency of this corporation. Second... Toby: Second? Michael: Yes, second, Toby. Second, I am insisting on increased accountability from every single one of you. Kevin: Account...? Michael, what is going on? Michael: And I will be taking questions. Pam: Did you have a lot of sugar today, Michael? Phyllis: What's on your suit? Michael: Carmel Dip. But, one question at a time please. Phyllis, Stanley. I want you to switch desks, I'm going to reorganize and restructure the physical layout of the office to maximize everything! I think we're getting a lot done, don't you? On paper at least. And we are, after all, a paper company. Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much! [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: They really didn't like me. Dwight: They did not. They didn't have to say it to your face. Ryan: I don't get it. I don't get what I did wrong. Dwight: Not everything's a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail. It's those online paper jerks. The whole business is changing. You know what? They're going to be screwed once this whole internet fad is over. What are you doing? [Ryan throws egg at building] Oh no no no no! Ryan! Yes! Ryan the temp! Come on! Courtesy of Dunder Mifflin. Come on! Drive. Ryan: You drive. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh, hi Jan. He's, uh, on a sales call. No message? Bye, Jan. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Dwight chokes as Ryan downs a beer in one drink] Temp! Temp! Temp! Temp! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Yes! Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere. Ryan: I think about that all the time. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Night, Pam. Pam: Night. Michael: Hey, what time is it? Pam: 20 past 5. Michael: AM or PM? Pam: PM. Michael: Oh, good. Pam: These came for you. Contracts? Brent Koselli? Michael: Oh. Koselli. With the Jello. Pam: This is a huge sale. Michael: Yes. Right. Good. Pam: Night, Michael. Michael: Goodnight! Pam: [phone rings] Dunder Mifflin. Jim: Ah, hey. Pam: Oh my God. Jim: Hi. Pam: Hi. Jim: Sorry, I forgot Kevin's extension. It's a fantasy football thing. Pam: Oh. Jim: And I was just going to go through the system cause I didn't think you'd be there. Why, why are you still there? Pam: I had to work late. Jan's making me keep a log of everything Michael does all day. Jim: Wow. Do you think you could send me a copy of that? Pam: Yeah, totally. So... Jim: So... Pam: Do you... Jim: Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Pam: Uh, no, I um. Everything's pretty much the same here. Jim: Oh, good. Pam: A little different. What time is it there? Jim: What time is it here? Um, we're in the same time zone. Pam: Oh, yeah. Right. Jim: How far away did you think we were? Pam: I don't know. It felt far. Jim: Yeah. I have a question for you. Pam: What? Jim: How many words per minute does the average person type? Pam: I type 90. Jim: Shut up. Mavis Beacon doesn't even type 90. Pam: It's true. Jim: Ok, I said average. Pam: 70? How many do you type? Jim: Forget it. I was just about to brag but forget it. Pam: Come on. Tell me. Jim: No. Pam: You have to tell me now. Jim: 65. Ok, no need to laugh. Pam: No, it's, that's respectable. Jim: Respectable? [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: So ok. I'm watching the movie, by myself... Jim: Right. Pam: Because I just wanted a relaxing evening at home... Jim: Ok. Pam: And, I'm freaking out. Jim: Yeah. Pam: That movie is so scary! Jim: I know! Pam: But I'm holding on because I keep waiting for Sandra Bullock to show up. Jim: No way. How do you confuse 28 Days with 28 Days Later? Pam: Because I got it at Blockbuster and they don't put the pictures on the box. Jim: No, you're making this up! Pam: Would I make that up? Jim: Yes. Fancy New Beesley would make that up. New apartment, new stories. Pam: Oh, yeah, in my fancy new apartment. I have one bedroom, one bathroom, and a closet. Jim: And how many kitchens? Pam: I have one kitchen. Jim: Wow, you got totally taken for a ride Beesley. Pam: It's actually... Jim: Most apartments these days have like three. Pam: Three kitchens? Jim: Yes! How are you going to cook every meal of the day in one kitchen? Pam: [Ryan and Dwight enter] Hey, Ryan, are you ok? Jim: Pam? Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. Jim: Pam? Pam: Um. Ok, bye. Jim: Oh, yeah, I should, I should, I should probably go too. Pam: No, I was um... Jim: Oh, no no. Pam: You have to go? Jim: Yeah, uh, well. Pam: No, I should probably go too. Jim: Ok. Pam: I mean, yeah. Jim: Yeah. Bye Pam. Pam: Bye Jim. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: Three hundred and sixty four days, 'till the next Pretzel Day.
Plan: A: Dwight; Q: Who takes Ryan to the Schrute Family Beet Farm? A: the Schrute Family Beet Farm; Q: Where does Dwight take Ryan to for an initiation session? A: first; Q: What sales call does Ryan have? A: odd styles; Q: What kind of hazing does Ryan find offensive? A: bizarre parables; Q: What is one of the things that Ryan dislikes about the initiation? A: angers Ryan; Q: What does the initiation do to Ryan? A: the sale; Q: What does Ryan not make? A: the office; Q: Where does Jan ask Pam to document Michael's activities for a day? A: Jan; Q: Who asks Pam to document Michael's activities for a day? A: Michael; Q: Who spends most of the day waiting in line for a free pretzel in the lobby? Summary: Dwight takes Ryan out to the Schrute Family Beet Farm for an initiation session before his first sales call. The initiation, involving odd styles of hazing and bizarre parables, angers Ryan, who does not make the sale. Back at the office, Jan asks Pam to document Michael's activities for a day. Michael, oblivious, spends most of the day waiting in line for a free pretzel in the lobby.
•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy sitting on the steps of Hemery High in "Becoming." WATCHER: You are the chosen one. Brief montage of several of the monsters Buffy has fought. WATCHER: You alone can stop them. BUFFY: Who? WATCHER: The vampires. Buffy timidly staking a vampire, looking shocked when it dusts. WATCHER: You see your power. BUFFY: Why can't you people just leave me alone? GILES: Into each generation a Slayer is born. WILLOW: You're the Slayer, and we're like the Slayerettes. XANDER: The three of us have been together from the beginning. We've always gone on patrols, and, uh, done demon research with her and everything. BUFFY: We're talking about two very powerful witches (shot of Willow and Tara doing a spell) and a thousand-year-old ex-demon (shot of Anya) XANDER: Anya, you wanna marry me? Willow and Tara slow-dancing at the Bronze. Buffy and Angel sitting on Angel's bed in "Becoming" BUFFY: Angel. ANGEL: I love you. Buffy and Angel kissing. BUFFY: So don't go. Angel walking away at the end of "Graduation Day" Spike driving his car over the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. SPIKE: Home sweet home. DOCTOR: That chip was deeply imbedded in your cerebral cortex. Spike trying to bite Willow, yelling in pain. SPIKE: I can't bite anything. I can't even hit people. GILES: What are you saying? SPIKE: Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies any more. Spike talking to Buffy in "The Gift" SPIKE: I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man. Spike reading a book to Dawn. SPIKE: They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life, so they sent the key to her in the form of a sister. GREGOR: You were created to open the gates that separate dimensions. Various shots of Dawn. GREGOR: The little girl. The key. Dawn crying out as Doc cuts her in "The Gift" GREGOR: Destroy it, and the will of the beast will be broken. Spike attacking Doc. Doc stabbing Spike, throwing him off the tower. DAWN: No! Spike hitting the ground. DAWN: I have to jump. BUFFY: It'll kill you. DAWN: Look at what's happening! Lightning destroying downtown Sunnydale. Buffy doing her determined expression. DAWN: Buffy, no. BUFFY: Dawnie, I have to. Buffy swan-diving into the vortex. The Scoobies gathering around Buffy's dead body. BUFFY VOICEOVER: You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Be brave. Live. Long shot of Buffy's gravestone. BUFFY VOICEOVER: For me. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] We see a very large (both tall and chubby) vampire running steadily between the headstones. Then we see Spike running after him. Then we see Tara running after them, and Giles behind her, carrying an axe. They come up to a fence and the vampire is gone. Spike yells in frustration. SPIKE: I'm never gonna get anything killed with you lot holding me back. TARA: (panting) I thought the big ones were supposed to tire more easily. SPIKE: No, that's over-the-hill shopkeepers. GILES: (leaning against a gravestone, panting) I'm fine. I just need to ... to die for a minute. SPIKE: (to Tara) It was that powder you blew at him made him rabbit off. TARA: It's sorbis root, it was supposed to confuse him, but ... it just kinda made him peppy. Spike rolls his eyes. TARA: It's not supposed to mix with anything, you think he might be taking prescription medication? SPIKE: (sarcastic) Yeah, that must be it. GILES: Good god, I hope he doesn't try to operate heavy machinery. Giles and Spike laugh. SPIKE: Yeah, we could all be in real- WILLOW: (telepathically) Guys, heads up. They all look up. Cut to a large crypt. Zoom up and we see Willow standing on top of it. Zoom in on her. WILLOW: (telepathically) The vampire's circling back towards you, six o'clock. Cut back to the other three looking around for the vamp. WILLOW: (telepathically) Try to drive him back towards the Van Elton crypt. SPIKE: (telepathically) Van Elton. TARA: (aloud) Is that the one with the cute little gargoyles? The vampire runs back across their field of vision, sees them, turns and starts back the way he came. WILLOW: (telepathically) Left, make him go left! Giles throws his axe. It thuds into a tree right by the vampire's face. The vamp turns and heads left. Tara and Spike look at Giles, then they all run after the vampire. The vampire winds up at a dead-end, turns to go back. Suddenly a fist comes out and punches him in the face. He falls down. A pair of feet walk over and stand by the prone vampire's feet. He stares up at the person. Pan up to reveal Buffy. BUFFY: Big, fast, and dumb. Just the way I like 'em. The vampire sits up and she kicks him in the face, thrusts out with her stake, but he grabs her arm, hits her with his other arm, and gets up. Tara and Giles appear, grab the vamp's arms and hold him while Spike punches him in the face twice. Then Spike moves for another punch but the vampire head-butts Spike and he staggers back. Cut to Xander and Anya running through another part of the graveyard. XANDER: Sounds like the other units are engaged. WILLOW: (telepathically) Xander, Anya, stop! Xander and Anya stop running, look startled. XANDER: Great googly-moogly, Willow, would you quit doing that? WILLOW: (telepathically) I told you I was going to get the lay of the land. XANDER: But not the lay of my brain. ANYA: It's kind of intrusive. You could knock first or something. WILLOW: (telepathically) Xander- XANDER: I know, I know, I don't have to talk when I answer you. But I saw "The Fury," and that way lies spooky carnival death. We see a vampire hiding behind a tombstone a few feet away from Xander and Anya. WILLOW: (telepathically) Xander! Vampire! Other side of that tomb. You can get the jump on him if you go the other way. XANDER: Why didn't you just say so? Xander and Anya head around the side of the tomb. Cut back to the other battle. The big vampire throws both Tara and Giles off him. Buffy runs at him, tries to punch but he blocks, picks her up over his shoulders, swings her around so that her feet kick Spike in the face. Then he throws her toward Tara. WILLOW: (telepathically) Tara, down! Tara ducks and Buffy goes flying over her, lands against a wall. Giles grabs the axe, gets up and swings at the vampire, who grabs it and spins Giles around, pins him against the iron fence with the axe handle on his throat. GILES: (choking) Spike! Spike jumps on the vamp's back but he's so big he barely notices. He shrugs Spike off a couple of times. Spike steps back, sighs. GILES: Spike! WILLOW: (telepathically) What are you doing? Help him! SPIKE: (lighting a cigarette) I did. We see that the back of the vampire's shirt is on fire. The fire spreads up to the rest of his shirt. He lets go of Giles and staggers back, bursts completely into flame and dusts. Giles puts his arm over his face as the dust showers over him. Spike takes a drag on his cigarette, saunters over to Giles and holds out his hand. Giles takes it and Spike helps him up. GILES: You might have let me in on your plan while he throttled me. SPIKE: Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea? WILLOW: (telepathically) Guys, help Xander and Anya over by the Anderson tomb. They head off. Cut to Xander being held in a headlock by the other vampire. ANYA: Xander! Anya lunges with a stake but the vamp merely steps aside. She swings again, misses. The vamp hits her and she falls down. The vampire continues growling and struggling with Xander. BUFFY: I got it! Buffy kicks the vampire, and he goes down, letting go of Xander who lands on the grass beside Anya. The vamp gets up, blocks a kick, punches Buffy, they exchange a few more punches and kicks. He gets her on the ground, picks her up over his head, and Spike comes in and punches him in the stomach. The vampire drops Buffy, and Spike kicks him. He shoves Spike away, and Spike lands beside Xander and Anya. Buffy kicks the vamp onto the ground, then stakes him as he starts to sit up. BUFFY: (triumphantly) That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo! Shot of the entire gang (Spike, Tara, Xander, Anya, Willow, Giles) staring at her as they help each other up. She smiles and walks over to them. SPIKE: (to Willow) What's with the Dadaism, Red? TARA: Yeah, she says that pie thing every time she stakes a vamp now. WILLOW: I-I don't know, I was trying to program in some new puns and I kinda ended up with word salad. BUFFYBOT: (brightly) I think it's funny. They all roll their eyes and start walking. WILLOW: It's a glitch, I'll fix it. GILES: We just can't have her messing up in front of the wrong person. Or the wrong thing. We, we need the, the world and the underworld to believe that Buffy is alive and well. WILLOW: And I will therefore fix it. I got her head back on, didn't I? And I got her off those knock-knock jokes. BUFFYBOT: Ooh, who's there? XANDER: You know, if we want her to be exactly- SPIKE: She'll never be exactly. XANDER: I know. TARA: The only really real Buffy is really Buffy. GILES: And she's gone. They all walk on, leaving the Buffy Bot behind as she has stopped walking. BUFFYBOT: 'If we want her to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she's gone' who? She continues walking after them. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Anthony Stewart Head is no longer shown in the opening credits. Special Guest Star Anthony Stewart Head. Guest starring Franc Ross and Amber Benson as Tara. "Bargaining Part 1" written by Marti Noxon, "Bargaining Part 2" written by David Fury, both parts directed by David Grossman. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on exterior shot of the Summers house, day. WILLOW VOICEOVER: Where's my clog? Cut to inside. Willow is in Joyce's room, crouched on the floor looking under the bed. WILLOW: I think there's a clog-eating monster under the bed. (gets up) It's really those lesser-known monsters that make living in Sunnydale so hard. We see Tara looking in the closet. She turns to watch Willow. Willow goes around to look under the other side of the bed. TARA: I believe that that is a Dawn monster. She borrowed them yesterday. WILLOW: Dawnie? (knocks on Dawn's door, which is ajar) Hey, you up? Dawn's bed is piled with clothes but she's not there. Willow turns away with a sigh. TARA: You okay? (They walk out into the hall) WILLOW: (nods) Besides terror about today and a general feeling of impending doom, swell. TARA: Breakfast will make all things better. They stop walking and Tara puts hands on Willow's shoulders. WILLOW: (smiles, takes Tara's hands) Ooh, pancakes could go in bellies. They kiss, then Tara goes back down the hall and Willow knock on the bathroom door, which is also ajar. WILLOW: Dawnie? The door swings open more and we see Dawn brushing her teeth. WILLOW: Hey, you! Today's the big day, huh? Kinda day that makes you wanna return clogs, don't you think? DAWN: (very garbled through her toothbrush) I didn't take your clogs. Willow sighs, rolls her eyes, turns away. Cut to the kitchen. BuffyBot is making peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches. Tara is in the background by the stove. Willow enters. WILLOW: Morning. BUFFYBOT: (cheery) Morning! WILLOW: I was thinking we could go over your programming again. TARA: Again? You've done enough, sweetie. She's either ready to face this thing or she's not. Dawn enters, sits at the counter with a small smile. TARA: Oh, um, here's some juice, and... (gives Dawn a glass of orange juice) pancakes are on the way. Funny shapes or rounds? DAWN: Rounds are fine. Uh, what's up with the mega-witches? TARA: Oh, I don't know if you can call us mega, Willow maybe- DAWN: No, I mean ... who's gonna eat all that? We see that BuffyBot has made a huge pile of sandwiches. Actually, several huge piles. Tara grabs the bot's hands. TARA: Oh! Oops, um ... she wanted to help, and I got her started, but then I forgot to un-start. The bot nods understanding. Xander enters. XANDER: House of chicks, relax. I am a man, and I have a tool. They all look at him. He holds up his toolbox. XANDER: Tools. Lots of plural tools. (Dawn grins) In my, uh ... (pats toolbox) toolbox. (sees the sandwiches) Ah! Sandwiches. Excellent. Men like sandwiches. BuffyBot smiles and gives him a stack of sandwiches. WILLOW: Help yourself. Really. (Xander eating a sandwich) So what brings you so early, your macho-ness? XANDER: I brought that soldering wire you wanted for BuffyBot's tune-up. TARA: (serving pancakes to Dawn) You got funny shapes anyway, sorry. The phone rings. BuffyBot looks excited. BUFFYBOT: I'll get it! WILLOW/TARA/DAWN: No! (all move to intercept her) DAWN: Um ... it could be my dad. (to Willow) He said he'd call today. BUFFYBOT: I'll just say hello. He's my biological ancestor. WILLOW: (into phone) Hello? Hey, Anya. (The bot looks disappointed, goes back over toward Xander) Really? That's fantastic! (to others) Uh, Anya found that thing, for tonight. XANDER: (looks nervously at BuffyBot) Yeah? Great. WILLOW: (listens) And you're her sweet cookie-face. XANDER: I go by many names. (The bot looks at him in confusion) DAWN: Well, what's tonight? TARA: Oh, just a Scooby meeting. Spike'll be here with you. WILLOW: You know, Buffy ... bot ... maybe you should let the machine - uh, the other machine, answer the phone from now on. Okay? BUFFYBOT: Is my phone manner not correct? TARA: It's perfect. It's just ... we can't take the chance that Mr. Summers might talk to you and know something's wrong. XANDER: See, if he thought the real Buffy was gone, he could take Dawn away. DAWN: And I wanna stay here, with you and Willow and Tara. Understand? BUFFYBOT: (big smile) I do! I want you to stay here as well. You're my sister! The bot goes around the counter and hugs Dawn, a little too hard. Dawn looks surprised, but pleased. Xander and Tara watch with concern. Willow looks uncomfortable. XANDER: So. Excellent. We're agreed. Sit your robo-self down so we can get to work. (The bot sits next to Dawn) We gotta fix up those fighting skills pronto. WILLOW: Actually, we have bigger worries than her fighting skills today. TARA: Way bigger. XANDER: I guess. Depends on how highly you prize punning. WILLOW: I'm serious, Xander. Buffybot is about to face her most dangerous challenge ever. Cut to: exterior of the Sunnydale Junior High. A big sign reads, "Welcome to Parent Teacher Day." Various tables are set up with displays, people walking around. Dawn and BuffyBot walk among the crowd. BuffyBot looks around at everything with great interest. Dawn just looks nervous. DAWN: Okay. So we'll make a quick lap so people can see you're here. The bot stops to look at a display. It's a table-top model of a city, made with paper cups and cardboard and such. DAWN: Then we'll- BUFFYBOT: What is this? We see a young male teacher sitting behind the display. He looks up. DAWN: Oh, um, this is our city of the future. (We see a boy Dawn's age on the other side, listening in) I made the hover-cars. They're orange-juice cans, see? BUFFYBOT: They're very nice. (frowns) But I-I still don't understand. TEACHER: We're reading Walden. This is, uh ... a kid's version of a utopian society. You'll notice there are no schools but an extraordinary number of pizza parlors. (Dawn grins) BUFFYBOT: I don't think I know of a breed of humans this small. Who's going to live here? The boy gives Dawn and BuffyBot a scornful look. Dawn gives a fake laugh. The teacher looks uncertain, but he laughs too. DAWN: Ha ha ha! Oh ... god, she's always like this. Ha ha! Come on, wacky Buffy. (takes the bot's arm) See ya, Mr. Davis. The teacher watches them go with some confusion. Sound of a school bell ringing. Cut to a classroom. A bunch of parents and kids sit in chairs while a woman stands at the front talking to them. MS. LEFCORT: As you can see, we've provided the best in progressive learning. But we can't teach your children unless you do. As parents, you have a responsibility to create the right attitude. To teach your child what school can mean. BuffyBot raises her hand. MS. LEFCORT: Ms. Summers. The bot stands up. Dawn looks very nervous. BUFFYBOT: School is where you learn. Beat. Dawn continues looking anxious. MS. LEFCORT: Exactly. Dawn is very relieved. BuffyBot sits. MS. LEFCORT: Parents let kids focus on school as a social experience rather than a learning experience. We want you to get your kids just as excited about education as they are about the lunch hour. BUFFYBOT: I helped make lunch today. MS. LEFCORT: (uncertain) Oh. BUFFYBOT: (cheery) Yes, before school. Peanut butter and jelly. I don't eat, but Dawn takes one every day. A father in the back row speaks up. DAD: Tell me about it. (Everyone turns to look at him) My kid's been brown-bagging it even though I pay for the lunch program. A mother on the other side joins in. MOM: It's true. Something has to be done about the quality of the food. All the people in the room murmur and chatter in agreement. BuffyBot smiles happily. Dawn looks at her and can't help smiling a little too. Cut to: overhead shot of downtown Sunnydale. Cars and people go by. Cut to closer shot of the front of the magic shop. Cut to inside. The camera follows Xander as he carries a large box into the back office area. Anya is dusting merchandise while Giles sits in the background doing paperwork. GILES: Anya, this register report for January looks a bit off. (Anya turns to him) Pull the files again. Anya puts down her duster and walks quickly over to him, frowning anxiously. ANYA: Are you mad at me? GILES: (confused) Mad? No, I'm-I'm- ANYA: Well then why are you torturing me? You know, I used to punish people like this when I was a demon. (Giles rolls his eyes) I made them double-check spreadsheets for all eternity. GILES: I'm sorry if you resent my authority, but I won't feel comfortable leaving here until I know that absolutely everything- ANYA: (grabs a small statue from the desk) You're taking the Ramadan effigy?! GILES: (rolls his eyes again) It's not inventory, it's my personal collection. (takes the statue) ANYA: (indignant) Oh, huh. Aren't you Mister Dicey Semantics. So, what, you think you can just take anything you want? She grabs the statue back from Giles. He looks angry, tries to grab it back, and they both pull at it. ANYA: Give it! GILES: No, you give it! Anya begins smacking his hand with her free hand. GILES: Ow! Ow! He tries to fend off her smacking hand with his other hand. In the other room, Xander hears them fighting and comes to look. GILES: Ow! XANDER: Okay, when *I'm* marveling at the immaturity ... (they pause and look at him) be scared. They stop fighting but both still hold the statue. XANDER: Anya, Giles is gonna leave the store to you when he goes. What more do you want? GILES: I'm not *leaving* the store to anyone. I'm going to England. I'm not dead, I'm still a partner. (yanks the statue away from Anya) ANYA: (sullen) Silent oversees partner. XANDER: Who you should be very nice to, unless you want to end up working at Video Hut. Giles gives Anya a tentative smile. She gives him a big fake smile and turns away. As soon as her back is to Giles she drops the smile and scowls, walking to the other room. Xander follows, grabs her arm. XANDER: What are you doing? What kind of gratitude is that? ANYA: (quietly) I know, I know. It's just ... he keeps saying he's going, and then he doesn't. And I keep almost being in charge, but then I'm not. And maybe he shouldn't be going at all, but we can't talk about that. (agitated) And it all just leaves me with this stress and bossiness stored up, and it just ... leaks out. XANDER: Just give it time, Ahn. This is hard for all of us. Just ... be patient. ANYA: I *was* being patient, but it took too long. I mean, I-I miss Buffy. I do. But life shouldn't just stop because she's gone. I'm sick of waiting to take over here, and I'm sick of waiting to tell everyone about us. Xander looks nervously over his shoulder, lowers his voice. XANDER: We've talked about this. We can't announce our engagement while things are so up in the air. ANYA: Why not? It's happy news. Happy news in hard times is a good thing. XANDER: It is, but ... if things go as planned, everything could be different. (Anya sighs) Let's just hold on. ANYA: You've been saying that all summer. XANDER: Please, Anya. We'll know more after we talk to Willow and Tara tonight. ANYA: Fine, whatever. Just remember that this whole marriage thing was your stupid idea. I didn't ask to be all crazy. She walks off. Xander watches her go. Cut to: exterior of the Summers house, night. Cut to inside. Dawn comes out of the kitchen holding a cup and walks down the hall. DAWN: So my homeroom teacher, Ms. Lefcort, was like, "Your sister's an example to us all." Hmm! She wanted to make it National Buffy Day. She puts the glass on the coffee-table and sits on the sofa next to Spike. There's a pizza box on the coffee-table, and a plate with a half-eaten slice of pizza. SPIKE: Makes sense. DAWN: It does? SPIKE: Yeah, she responded to BuffyBot because a robot is predictable. Boring. Perfect teacher's pet. That's all schools are, you know. Just factories, spewing out mindless little automatons. He sees Dawn's raised eyebrows. SPIKE: (quickly) Who go on to be ... very ... valuable and productive members of society, and you should go. (quieter) Because Buffy would want you to. Beat. They both look pensive. DAWN: Check. One mindless automaton coming up. They sit quietly on the sofa for a moment. SPIKE: So, uh, what do you fancy, bit, uh, game of rummy? (gets up) DAWN: Well, uh, Willow and Tara said they'd be back early. (Spike goes to a side table, opens a drawer) You don't really have to hang. I mean, if you're bored. SPIKE: I'm not, and yeah, I do. Spike gets a pack of cards out of the drawer, pulls a chair over to the coffee table opposite Dawn. DAWN: But I'm fine alone. It's not like anyone's coming after me. I'm not the key. (Spike sets the chair down) Or if I am, I don't open anything any more. It's over. Remember? SPIKE: (softly) I'm not leaving you here by yourself, so forget it. He sits in the chair. DAWN: Well, I'm just saying- Spike slams the cards down hard on the table. Dawn jumps. SPIKE: (not looking at her) No. I'm not leaving you ... to get hurt. (softly) Not again. They look at each other. Spike points to the cards. SPIKE: Now deal. Dawn picks up the cards. Cut to: the street, night. A young woman closes up a shop and turns to walk down the street, putting keys in her purse. It's dark and very quiet. She pauses, looks behind her, walks on. She pauses again, looks back again, resumes walking very quickly. She enters an alley and a vampire grabs her from behind. She screams. The vampire pulls her back against him and prepares to bite. BUFFYBOT: (OS) Don't be scared. The vampire looks up in surprise. BUFFYBOT: I'm going to kill him. VAMP: Slayer! BUFFYBOT: You can run away now. The girl does just that. The vamp tries to edge away too. Buffybot rolls her eyes. BUFFYBOT: Not you! She runs after him. He pushes a Dumpster into her path. She vaults over it and lands on top of him, knocking him down. They both get up and she brings him down again with a circle-kick. He gets up and she punches him, kicks him down again. He crawls toward an empty glass bottle, grabs it and hits BuffyBot in the face with it. She stumbles back and the vamp gets up. The broken glass has torn a hole in the bot's forehead and we can see sparks flying around it. VAMP: You're ... you're ... you're, you're a machine! BUFFYBOT: (smiles) Thank you! He scrambles to his feet and begins backing away. BUFFYBOT: Stop! She walks forward, directly into a stack of large kegs. She backs up a few steps and walks into them again. The vamp watches, begins to smile. She continues walking into the kegs again and again. BUFFYBOT: Vampires ... beware. Grinning, the vamp turns and runs off. The bot continues walking into the kegs. Cut to: overhead shot of Sunnydale, night. Cut to: exterior shot of Xander's apartment building. Cut to inside. Willow is holding a small urn and gazing at it. Tara sits beside her. TARA: The urn of Osiris. WILLOW: (looks up) You really found it. ANYA: (sits opposite Willow) Yeah. It wasn't easy. I went through every supplier the Magic Box has. WILLOW: (alarmed) You used a Magic Box supplier? What if Giles finds out? ANYA: He's too busy not leaving to pay attention to me. (We see Xander standing beside Anya) Besides, I ended up getting it on eBay. TARA: You found the last known urn of Osiris on eBay? ANYA: Yeah, from this desert gnome in Cairo. He drove a really hard bargain, but I finally got him to throw in a limited edition Backstreet Boys lunchbox for a - Xander coughs. Anya pauses. Xander looks nervous. ANYA: ...a friend. Tara looks at Xander with a little smile. XANDER: So you got your somber on, Will, is the urn not up to spec? Willow studies the urn with a frown, doesn't seem to have heard. She looks at Tara. WILLOW: It's the one. (puts it down) Which means it's time. XANDER: (anxious) It's time? (sits) Like, *time* time? With the... (vague hand gestures) timeliness? ANYA: (quietly) Are you sure? WILLOW: I am. TARA: Mercury's in retrograde, and we have... (to Willow) Do we have everything? WILLOW: (nods) Just about. Willow gets up, goes over to another table and begins putting things in a bag. XANDER: But why the sudden rushy-rush? I mean, did the bot blow our cover at school? TARA: No, she did great, she impressed all the teachers. XANDER: And they still thought it was Buffy? WILLOW: (turns back to them) Tomorrow night, we'll meet back here. XANDER: (jumps up) Whoa! Let's apply the brakes and check the rear- and side-view mirrors here. They all look at him. XANDER: (more calmly) This is deep stuff, Willow. We're talking about raising the dead. WILLOW: It's time we stop talking. Tomorrow night ... we're bringing Buffy back. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Fade back in on the same scene. XANDER: (nervous) Tomorrow? I don't know. ANYA: (gets up to stand beside him) Um, Di-Discovery Channel has monkeys. And our tape machine's all wonky. WILLOW: Guys, I need you on board here. XANDER: It's just ... (fidgets nervously) It feels wrong. TARA: It is wrong. (Willow looks surprised) It's against all the laws of nature, and practically impossible to do, but it's what we agreed to. If-if you guys are changing your minds- WILLOW: Nobody's changing their minds. Period. XANDER: Excuse me? Who made you the boss of the group? ANYA: You did. TARA: You said Willow should be boss. (Willow moves away) ANYA: And then you said "let's vote," and it was unanimous... TARA: ...and then you made her this little plaque, that said "Boss of Us," you put little sparkles on it... XANDER: Valid points, all. But we ... I mean... Xander comes out from behind the coffee-table, goes over to Willow who is again at the other table putting stuff in a bag. XANDER: We were just talking then. WILLOW: Xander, I can do this, I promise. But not without you. ANYA: Should we maybe tell Giles? You know, now that we're really ready? It's not like he's going anywhere. Ever. WILLOW: No. No one else can know. Not Giles, not Spike, not Dawn. (quietly) They might not understand. TARA: What if something does go wrong? WILLOW: I'm telling you it won't. XANDER: Scenario -- We raise Buffy from the grave, she tries to eat our brains. Do we, a) congratulate ourselves on a job well done- WILLOW: Xander, this isn't zombies. ANYA: Zombies don't eat brains anyway unless instructed to by their zombie masters. A lot of people get that wrong. WILLOW: This isn't like Dawn trying to bring Mrs. Summers back, or anything we've dealt with before. Buffy didn't die a natural death. She was killed by mystical energy. TARA: Which means we do have a shot. WILLOW: It means more than that. (to Xander) It means we don't know ... where she really is. XANDER: We saw her body, Will. We buried it. WILLOW: Her body, yeah. But her soul ... her essence ... I mean, that could be somewhere else. She could be trapped, in-in some sort of hell dimension like Angel was. (tearfully) Suffering eternal torment, just because she saved us, and I'm not gonna let ... I'm not gonna leave her there. (intensely) It's Buffy. Xander looks at her for a long moment. XANDER: What time do we meet? Cut to Willow entering the Summers house. She sees Spike and the BuffyBot in the living room. BUFFYBOT: (shouts) Willow! The bot walks toward Willow, knocking over a side table with a vase on it. Spike catches the vase. Willow comes into the room as the bot walks into a wall. WILLOW: What happened, where's Dawn? Willow grabs the bot and pulls her away from the wall, giving Spike a questioning look. SPIKE: Upstairs, in bed. But the bot here seems to have got into a scrape while she was on patrol. Willow positions the bot in front of her and looks at the cut on her forehead. BUFFYBOT: I think my feet are broken. WILLOW: Eh, looks more like a short in the navigational system. She steers the bot over to the sofa and sits her down while talking to Spike. WILLOW: Can you get me a flashlight? It's in the, uh, kitchen. SPIKE: (heads for the kitchen) She wanted to go out and look for you again, but I figured there are enough things in Sunnydale that go bump in the night. (exits) WILLOW: (sits facing the bot) Good thinking. BUFFYBOT: But my homing device locates you when I am injured. I am programmed to go to you. WILLOW: (nods) Right, I know. Still, I think just this once, it was a good idea to stay put. Willow lifts the bot's shirt and peels back the skin over her stomach, revealing various wires and circuitry. WILLOW: Spike was right. (pokes at the bot's innards) The bot looks up and smiles at Spike as he comes back in with the flashlight. BUFFYBOT: Sorry I questioned you, Spike. (Spike looks surprised) You know I admire your brain almost as much as your washboard abs. (big smile) Spike looks pained. SPIKE: (quietly to Willow) I told you to make her stop doing that. WILLOW: I did. I mean, I thought I got all that stuff out of the program. We see that Willow has the bot hooked up to a laptop computer. SPIKE: Well, you've got her opened up, fix it. WILLOW: (typing) Sure. I mean, I have a lot of work here, but I'll see what I can do. Focus on the bot's face watching with interest as Spike crosses into the frame and off to the left. Willow doesn't see him moving. WILLOW: Can you shine the flashlight right here? Willow turns but Spike is gone. WILLOW: Spike! We see Spike opening the front door. He grabs his coat and leaves. BUFFYBOT: Did I say something wrong? WILLOW: (typing) No, it's not your fault. BUFFYBOT: (pensive) I think Spike stopped liking me. WILLOW: That's not true, he-he thinks you're swell. BUFFYBOT: Then how come he never looks at me any more? Even when he's talking to me. Beat. The bot seems anxious for Willow to explain. WILLOW: (nervous) He just gets cranky, the way vampires do. Now, just relax. I am gonna make you good as new. The bot continues to stare at Willow with a small frown. Willow continues typing. WILLOW: I promise. Fade to: exterior of the house, night. Cut to Willow and Tara asleep in Joyce's bed, snuggled up together. Cut to Dawn in bed, wide awake, staring at the ceiling. After a long moment, she gets up. Cut to Dawn walking down the hall, pushing open the door to Buffy's room. The bot lies on Buffy's bed, eyes open, with some wires coming out of her body and some equipment blinking and beeping steadily. Dawn walks farther into the room. Pan across what looks like a battery or electric generator on the floor at the foot of the bed. Wires extend out of it and into the bot's stomach. She lies on her back with her shirt pushed up. Her eyes are open. Dawn goes over and lies down on the bed beside the BuffyBot, cuddling up against her. The bot doesn't move, just lies there. Dawn closes her eyes. Cut to: aerial shot of Sunnydale, day. Cut to the workout room. Buffybot is practicing with Giles. He has padded targets on both hands and she punches them in a rapid sequence. GILES: That was splendid. (she stops hitting) Now ... try it again ... (panting) only this time, remember your breathing. The bot looks confused for a moment, then takes a deep breath and blows it out through her lips in one long breath as she hits the targets again and again. GILES: No, uh, that's good, but, uh ... (We see Anya come in and stop in the doorway, watching) ...think of the breath as chi. Air as a, a life source. BUFFYBOT: I don't require oxygen to live. GILES: Of course, strictly speaking, but- ANYA: Um ... (walks into the room) Maybe you should stick to the standard drill. You know, you don't want her to blow another gasket. GILES: I'm testing her responses after her injury. I see no harm in imparting a little Eastern philosophy. ANYA: Well, I just think that, the concept of chi might be a little, you know, hard for her to grasp. Giles drops his arms, in exasperation, then puts hands on hips. ANYA: You know, she's not the descendant of a long line of mystical warriors. She's the descendant of a toaster oven. GILES: Yes, well, I appreciate your input, Anya, but I think Buffybot has responded nicely to our sessions. Buffybot smiles happily. Giles lifts his hands and she prepares to resume. ANYA: Well, you're the boss. (to herself) Still. Anya turns and walks out. Giles drops his hands again, annoyed. BUFFYBOT: Would you like to test me again? GILES: No, perhaps we should call it a day. Your ... your responses are fine. He takes off the targets, puts them down, picks up a bottle of water. The bot stands in place and watches him. Giles turns back and sees her looking at him. GILES: Perhaps Anya's right. Perhaps I am trying to teach you as if you were... BUFFYBOT: Human? GILES: (uncomfortable) Yes. BUFFYBOT: I like your teachings. Every Slayer needs her Watcher. GILES: I'm not so sure about that. BUFFYBOT: (frowns) What do you mean? GILES: Nothing. Giles wipes his face with a towel, looks at the bot again, sighs. GILES: (looking away) I just can't help but wonder if ... she would have been better off without me. Buffy. BUFFYBOT: I don't think that's true. You were very helpful to her. GILES: (laughs) Right. Yes, I was a perfect Watcher. I did what any good Watcher would do. Got my Slayer killed in the line of duty. BUFFYBOT: Oh, that wasn't your fault. GILES: Of course not. That's how all Slayer/Watcher relationships end, isn't it? He puts his glasses on, turns to face the bot again, calmer now. GILES: She's gone. I did my job. BUFFYBOT: (frowns innocently) Well, then why are you still here? Giles looks at her sadly. Cut to: demons on motorcycles. They drive up to a large building with a lot of other motorcycles parked outside. Loud rock music. Cut to inside. It's a bar. Many large, muscular, leather-clad demons are walking around, drinking beer, etc. Several of them wear leather jackets with the word "Hellion" on the back. There are also some humans. Pan across to the bar. VAMP: So I got her cornered in this alley, see... We see the vamp who injured the BuffyBot. He sits at the bar talking to one of the leather demons (Mag). MAG: (skeptical) You get the Slayer cornered. VAMP: Yeah. I figured it's my duty. She's a menace to our society. So we fight, and I'm like, pow pow pow! (makes punching gestures) And I got her on the ropes. Mag turns and grabs him by the throat, growling. MAG: You're lying to me. VAMP: (high, choked voice) I swear on all that's unholy! You haven't even heard the best part. I cut her, right? And she's -- I don't know, some kind of machine. She's not human! Mag looks into his eyes for a moment, lets him go. MAG: You're high. VAMP: I'm tellin' you, it wasn't even the Slayer, man. It was like a trick. (Mag looks at him) A robot. The vamp starts to drink his beer, but Mag grabs him again and hustles him across the room. He pushes through the crowd of demons to where the head demon, Razor, is sitting in a booth, surrounded by his cronies. Razor is very large and ugly. RAZOR: What's with the blood rat? MAG: (to the vampire) Talk! VAMP: (nervous) Okay, uh, so, I was over in Sunnydale, minding my own beeswax, when I see the Slayer- MAG: (shakes him) The part about the robot. VAMP: We fought, right? And I was like all over her, (punching gestures) boom boom boom... MAG: He says the Slayer's been replaced by some kind of machine. The vamp stops making punch noises. Razor looks interested. VAMP: A robot, yeah! And I kicked her synthetic ass. You shoulda seen the sparks- Razor gets up, towers over the vamp. RAZOR: You tellin' me there's no Slayer in Sunnydale? Longer shot of them from across the room, other demons watching. VAMP: That's what I'm saying, they got some kind of decoy standing in for her. (false bravado) Town is wide open. MAG: Nowhere like the Hellmouth for a party. There's all kinds of bad in that place. Razor nods thoughtfully. He and his cronies all laugh. The vamp laughs too, pats Razor on the chest. VAMP: I guess with your muscle, uh, you could own it in no time. (nervous chuckle) Hey look, I know you guys don't usually let vampires join the gang, and I got the whole (air quotes) sunlight issue. But I was thinking, you know, as thanks for the 4-1-1, you could let me go- Razor grabs him by the neck. Shot of the vamp's headless body hitting the floor and dusting. Razor brushes dust off his hands. RAZOR: I'll think it over. He looks around. All his demon buddies are watching. RAZOR: Let's ride! They all cheer and turn to go. Cut to the demons getting on their bikes and riding off in a cloud of dust. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on a peaceful pond surrounded by grass and trees. It's a bright sunny day. Soft meditative music. WILLOW: Adonai, Helomi, Pine. Pan across to discover Willow kneeling on a blanket on the grass. She pours something from a small pot onto the ground. WILLOW: Adonai, Helomi, Pine. The gods do command thee from thy majesty. (puts the lid on the jar, puts it down) O Mappa Laman, Adonai, Helomi. Come forward, blessed one. Know your calling. She looks around. A young deer comes around a tree and toward her. WILLOW: Come forward, blessed one. The fawn walks over to her. Willow pets it gently, puts her arm around its back. Shot of a large knife lying on the blanket. Willow's hand grabs it and thrusts. Intercut shots of the fawn's legs struggling with shots of Willow's distressed face. After a moment the struggling stops. We don't see the dead fawn but we see the blood all over Willow's hands. She looks ready to cry. WILLOW: (panting) Accept our humble gratitude for your offering. (puts knife down) In death ... you give life. (voice breaking) May you find wings to the kingdom. She looks around, breathing raggedly. Cut to the magic shop. Xander and Tara sit at the round table reading. The door jingles as Willow enters, wearing different clothing. Anya appears from the side. TARA: Hey. You're late. WILLOW: Oh. (too casual) I, uh, had to get that thing. Willow goes to the counter, holding a small leather bag. XANDER: Giles isn't around, you can dump the cryptic. WILLOW: (nervous) The last spell ingredient. XANDER: Okay, right. What is vino de madre anyway? WILLOW: (walks over to them) Wine of the mother. Kind of ... black market stuff. TARA: Black market, you-you didn't tell me that. You shouldn't have gone alone, it could have been dangerous. WILLOW: Sorry. I didn't ... I was careful. ANYA: Well, it must be something pretty intense. The black market's all baby teeth and spooky fluids. (moves toward counter) WILLOW: (moves toward bookshelves) All I know is we have to have it to finish the spell, so, it's good stuff in my book. (takes a book from the shelf, returns to sit at the table) How come you guys are here anyway? I thought we weren't gonna meet till later. XANDER: Oh, we were. It just felt weird hanging out on our own. TARA: It's better if we stay together. WILLOW: (takes Tara's hand) Aw, you got butterflies, baby? TARA: More like bats. ANYA: Y-you wanna look at the money? I find it always calms me. Xander smiles fondly. TARA: That's okay, thanks. WILLOW: You tell those bats that everything is gonna be all right. I promise. We couldn't be more prepared. TARA: I know, I just wish it was time, I- We see Anya behind the counter picking up a piece of paper, reading it with a frown, coming out from behind the counter. TARA: (OS) -I can't stand worrying about it anymore. ANYA: Um ... well, it's your lucky day then. I have something that will distract you. Everyone looks up. Anya gives the paper to Xander. WILLOW: What? XANDER: (reads) "I've gone. Not one for long good-byes." (Shot of Willow and Tara looking dismayed) "I thought it best to slip out quietly. Love to you all, Giles." Cut to the airport. Giles sits in the terminal, reading a book, with a small bag on the floor beside him. He stops reading, looks off into space. WILLOW: (OS) You really think we'd let you get away with that? The gang, plus Dawn, walks up to him. GILES: (smiles) I was trying to avoid a scene, really. We see that Dawn is holding a greeting card. Willow produces a large sign with the words "BON VOYAGE GILES!" inside a heart, with balloons attached to the corners. WILLOW: Like we'd make a scene. GILES: (quietly) Not you. Me. They all look like they don't know what to say. Anya steps forward. ANYA: Um, we, uh, brought you some lovely parting gifts. (holds something out) It's American. Get it? Apple pie? It's a packaged snack pie such as you might get at McDonald's. Giles takes it with a smile. ANYA: To remind you of all the good food you won't be eating. TARA: A-and a monster, sort of a Sunnydale souvenir we thought. Tara has a small rubber monster attached to her finger. Basically a thimble with arms and a scary face. She bounces it up and down. TARA: Grr! Argh! GILES: (smiles) Thank you. Giles takes the monster. XANDER: And I wanted to buy you a can of Old English 800, 'cause, you know, England, and you, and ... because at the time it sounded really funny. But the guy who lives in the box in front of the store, he, uh, wouldn't buy it for us. Xander smiles nervously. Dawn steps forward. DAWN: We got your presents at the gas station. (sits beside Giles) We were kind of in a hurry. Giles continues smiling nervously. Dawn looks uncertain, then hands him the card. DAWN: Um, we made this in the car. That's why the letters are all shaky. They all look on anxiously as Giles opens the card and reads it. GILES: (touched) This is, uh ... impossible, really. WILLOW: We just wanted you to know that ... we'll miss you. Uh, but we'll be okay. (softly) We'll miss you, but, (very softly) we'll be okay. ANYA: I'll take really good care of your money. GILES: (laughs) Yes, I have no doubt. P.A. ANNOUNCER: ...passengers, Flight 3982, leaving for Los Angeles, and continuing to London. Rows 20 through 30... Giles gets up, gathers his stuff. GILES: That's me. WILLOW: Now? We just made it. GILES: Just, yes. They all look at each other. GILES: Well, if we're going to do this, let's do it properly. He puts down his bag, goes over to Xander. They hold out hands toward each other, look awkward for a moment, then hug. Giles turns away from Xander, and Anya grabs Giles tightly. He hugs her back. Then he hugs Tara, then Dawn. GILES: I'm just a phone call away ... if you need anything. (holds Dawn's face in his hands) You must promise me. DAWN: I do. I promise. Giles turns to Willow. She smiles nervously. GILES: Willow. I don't know where to start. (they hug) WILLOW: (tearful) Well, maybe you shouldn't. (lets him go) I'm trying to be stiff-upper-lippy. GILES: Right, right. (removes his glasses) WILLOW: Well, you should get going. (taps him on the shoulder) Don't you have a life or something? GILES: (replaces glasses) Um, well, I suppose that's the question really. Tara puts her arm around Willow as Giles gathers his stuff up again. GILES: Just, uh ... be careful. Please. He gives them a last look, turns toward the gate. Pan across the Scoobies standing in a row watching him go. Giles gives his ticket to the flight attendant and goes through the door. Cut to a shot of a plane flying overhead. WILLOW: (OS) There he goes. We see the Scoobies standing on the sidewalk looking up. Willow still holds the big sign. Tara and Dawn have their arms linked. XANDER: It's a good thing. My face was getting sore from all that faux smiling. WILLOW: It was right, though, wasn't it? Giving him the no-tears sendoff? I mean, we don't want him goin' off all worried about us. ANYA: He'd still be all worried, just ... eight hours ahead. WILLOW: What's he gonna do over there by himself? (they all start walking) I mean, he never talks about people from England. What if he's lonely? TARA: He won't be lonely. He used to live there before, remember? DAWN: And I'm sure we'll talk to him, right? It's not like he's- TARA: We'll call him tomorrow, how 'bout that? (puts arm around Dawn's shoulder) See how his flight was? Yeah? Tara and Dawn walk on ahead as the other three pause. XANDER: (to Willow) Can you believe the timing? I mean, he's leaving right when we're ready to... (Willow glances nervously toward Dawn) ...do the thing tonight. WILLOW: (still looking at the sky) I know, I had hoped we'd figure it out before he, uh ... before he left. ANYA: Maybe we should have told him. I mean, what if it works? WILLOW: (still looking at the sky) He'll come back. Beat. Xander fidgets. XANDER: It'll be dark soon. WILLOW: Yeah, we should get Dawn home. I want to go over everything one more time. Nothing can go wrong tonight. She walks on. Xander and Anya follow. Lingering shot of the front of the airport building. Fade to aerial shot of Sunnydale, twilight. The sun is just setting. Fade to a curvy two-lane highway on a hill. The demons on motorcycles come roaring around a bend and down the road. They go past a sign reading "Welcome to Sunnydale" as we see the town spread out below. Fade to the forest, night. Tara, Willow, Xander, and Anya are standing in a semicircle beside Buffy's grave. Willow is directly at the foot of the grave. Xander and Tara hold lit candles. WILLOW: Does everybody have their candles? ANYA: I'm trying, my lighter won't stay lit. (flicking lighter continuously) WILLOW: Well, hurry, it has to- TARA: What time is it? XANDER: (checks watch) A minute till midnight. WILLOW: C'mon, Anya, do you have it? ANYA: (gets the lighter lit, lights her candle) I got it, I got it. I got it. WILLOW: Okay. Start the circle. Now. They all kneel, holding their candles, except Willow who holds the Urn of Osiris. Lingering shot of the headstone. Willow produces a small jar containing (presumably) the fawn's blood, and pours it into the urn. Tara and Xander look nervous. WILLOW: Osiris, keeper of the gate, master of all fate, hear us. She dips her finger into the urn and marks her forehead and both cheeks with the blood. WILLOW: Before time, and after. Before knowing and nothing. She pours the contents of the urn onto the earth. WILLOW: Accept our offering. Know our prayer. Suddenly she jerks backward, panting, and her arms go out at her sides. Deep ugly gashes appear on her arms. XANDER: Willow! (reaches for her) TARA: No! (stuttering) She t - she told me ... she'd be tested. This is supposed to happen. WILLOW: (louder) Osiris! Here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over. Willow winces in pain. We see blood running from the cuts on her arms, and round shapes moving under her skin. She gives a little moan of pain. The round things move up her arms and over her chest toward her neck. XANDER: She needs help! TARA: Xander, she's strong! She said not to stop, no matter what. If we break the cycle now, it's over. They all watch anxiously. Willow continues breathing heavily. Suddenly they hear a loud rumbling and they all look around nervously. ANYA: Oh god, what is that noise? Cut to Main Street Sunnydale. People scream in fear as the demons on motorcycles roar through the downtown area. The rumbling noise (motorcycle engines) continues. The demons drive over cars, through curbside restaurant tables, between pedestrians. At least one demon grabs a woman and pulls her onto his bike. We see them throwing garbage cans through windows, hitting cars with baseball bats, etc. A demon lights a Molotov cocktail and throws it through a store window. Pedestrians continue screaming and running away. Another demon throws another flaming bottle directly at the camera. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on the scene by the grave. Willow still kneels with her arms held out, panting. The others watch with concern. WILLOW: (yelling) Osiris, let her cross over! Aah... Willow makes choking noises as we see the round things under her skin moving up her neck. TARA: Oh my god, oh my god. Willow leans forward putting her hands on the ground, gagging. A snake head appears in her open mouth. Shot of her fingers clutching the grass. The snake slithers out her mouth and onto the ground. The others look horrified. TARA: (anxious) It's a test. It's a test. Willow... Linger on Willow leaning over the ground with her mouth still open. Cut to Spike sitting in the Summers living room, in the dark in front of a television. He looks across at the sofa. Shot of Dawn asleep on the sofa. Spike looks back at the TV. Sound of motorcycle engines rumbling, tires screeching, crashing noises. Spike jumps up and goes to the window, looks out. We see the demons riding on people's front yards, throwing trash around, etc. Dawn comes up behind Spike, peers out the window. DAWN: What's going on? SPIKE: (whispers) Stay away from the window. Spike takes Dawn's shoulders and moves her away from the window. He walks toward the foyer. Dawn follows. DAWN: What is it, what's happening? SPIKE: Just do as I say. He checks to make sure the front door is locked, takes Dawn's shoulders again. SPIKE: I'm going to check the rest of the house. He moves off. SPIKE: (OS) Don't move! Dawn stands where he placed her, looking around nervously. Cut to downtown Sunnydale. The demons are still running rampant, and various things are burning. A demon is smashing the windows of a car with the logo "Espresso2U.com" on it. He turns and goes off, waving his weapon. Sounds of demons yelling, people screaming. We see a couple of demons looking through a woman's purse. Mag is taking stuff out of a store window display where the glass has all been smashed. BUFFYBOT: (OS) That doesn't belong to you. Mag turns and sees BuffyBot standing there with hands on hips. BUFFYBOT: Put it back. Mag opens his mouth and lets out a high-pitched squeal. All the other demons turn to look. BuffyBot looks around nervously as the demons begin to converge on her. Razor comes right up to her as the others form a circle around them. RAZOR: Slayer. I've been hearing interesting things about you. BUFFYBOT: Yes. I am interesting. (looks around) These your friends? RAZOR: They're my boys, yeah. BUFFYBOT: Good. Now tell them to get back on their loud bicycles and go back wherever they came from. RAZOR: Or what? You'll electrocute us? He punches her in the face. She staggers back into a couple of other demons, who catch her and hold her arms. RAZOR: Hold her. The bot struggles as Razor comes forward and lifts his hand, revealing a set of ugly claws. Then an even uglier set of serrated metal claws pop out at the ends of his fingers. He reaches out and swipes at the BuffyBot. The claws rip slashes in her shirt and shoulder. Blue sparks sizzle from the wound. RAZOR: You're nothing but a toy. A pretty toy. Wanna play? He moves a little closer and the bot knees him in the groin. As he doubles over, she goes into a backflip, kicking him in the face with both feet and breaking free from her captors. BUFFYBOT: I would, but you've injured me. I have to return to Willow. She turns and delivers spin-kicks to two of the demons, lays out four or five more of them in quick succession with mostly kicks and a few punches. She leaps over the prone bodies and runs off. Razor lifts up onto an elbow. RAZOR: Get her! A few more demons try to stop BuffyBot but she punches them out of the way. The rest of the demons that she already fought all get up and get on their bikes, and tear off after her. Cut back to the grave. Anya, Xander, and Tara continue staring as orange light swirls around Willow, who is kneeling up again, panting loudly. WILLOW: Osiris, release her! BuffyBot runs up behind Tara. BUFFYBOT: Willow! I need service! Sound of motorcycles revving. The bot looks behind her and runs off as the motorcycle demons ride up. The demons ride around the bot, trapping her. They also ride around the others. Anya yelps. Anya, Xander, and Tara get up and clutch each other, looking around at the demons. Willow is still encased in a tube of reddish-orange light, panting. The demons ride around and around. TARA: Willow! One of the demons runs his bike over the Urn of Osiris, shattering it. WILLOW: (screams) No! The red light dissipates and Willow falls to the ground. TARA: Willow! Tara runs forward but Mag rides in front of her, cutting her off. She screams and moves back MAG: Look what I found! The demons continue riding circles around BuffyBot. Xander sees an opening and dashes forward, grabs Willow and pulls her out of the way just as Mag rides his bike through the spot where Willow was lying. XANDER: (yells to Anya and Tara) Take off! Go! Go! Tara and Anya run off. Xander lifts Willow by the shoulders and pulls/shoves her into the underbrush. Tara and Anya run through the forest together with Mag pursuing them. He grabs Anya as he rides by, pulls her onto his bike. TARA: Anya! Tara stops running. TARA: Dissolvo! A ball of blue light flashes from Tara to the motorcycle, knocking Anya free. She hits the ground and rolls as the motorcycle continues on. Tara runs to Anya, helps her up and they continue running. Cut to Xander in a different part of the forest, carrying Willow. He stops, puts her down with her back against a tree. She begins to regain consciousness. XANDER: Willow. Willow, are you okay? WILLOW: (weakly) Did it work? XANDER: (shakes head) I'm sorry. Willow passes out again. Xander kneels there on the ground with Willow lying across his lap. He looks around nervously. We can still hear the motorcycles all around. Pan down to the ground, into blackness. Fade in on a wrinkled, desiccated hand. Pan up across a body encased in black clothing. The orange mist from before swirls around the head, which is a skull with much of the skin rotting off and the hair decaying. As the mist moves around the body, the eyeballs reappear, the skin and hair repair themselves, and it resolves into Buffy, wide-eyed and gasping. She's inside her coffin. She looks around, panting, with an expression of extreme fear. Blackout. Note: This point marks the end of "Bargaining Part 1." [SCENE_BREAK] "Bargaining Part 2," Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the BuffyBot with the demons still riding in circles around her. Every now and then they hit her as they pass. BUFFYBOT: Oh, I'm dangerously close to- (a demon hits her in the face) -systems failure! Must - oh! - disengage from combat - so - oh! - Willow can service me. RAZOR: (swinging a length of chain) I'll service ya, girl toy! He throws the chain and the bot goes down. He stops his bike beside her and gets off. Cut to Xander and Willow. Xander seems about to pick her up again when Anya and Tara come running up. TARA: Willow! Tara goes to her knees and takes Willow's head on her lap. XANDER: I'm pretty sure she's okay. (gets up and goes to Anya) Or as okay as someone who's just had snakes coming out of their mouth. What the hell was that all about, Tara? (Tara looks up at him) ANYA: Less talk, more running away. XANDER: I'm sure the woods'll give us cover. Their motorcycles can't follow us in here. The motorcycles noises get closer, and we see the light from their headlights. ANYA: Someone should tell them that. XANDER: New plan. (goes to Willow, kneels and starts lifting her) Let's split up. ANYA: No, bad plan. Xander and Tara have the unconscious Willow upright, each supporting one side of her. TARA: I'll take her. XANDER: No, I can carry her. (Tara looks anxious) I'll keep her safe. TARA: (nods reluctantly) We should meet up somewhere. XANDER: The Magic Box. Whoever gets there first, call Dawn and Spike. Tara and Anya start off, but Anya pauses. ANYA: Wait. What about the Buffybot? XANDER: (indecisive for a moment) We can't. It's lost. (lifts Willow) Go! Xander picks Willow up and heads off. Tara and Anya go off together in another direction. Cut back to the grave. The bot is on the ground and the demons surround her, kicking her and yelling happily. Pan down across Buffy's headstone, to the grass. Cut to inside the coffin. Buffy pounds frantically on the sides, tries to scream but no sound comes out. She looks terrified. She continues pounding, bangs on the inner lid just inches from her face. She begins to rip away the cloth that covers the inside of the lid. She grunts with exertion as the cloth rips. Cut to the forest. Xander walks along carrying Willow, moving at a fast walk. He pauses, puts her down on the ground. Willow comes to again. WILLOW: (loudly) Xan ... Xander, where - where- XANDER: Shh! We're using our quiet voice, Will. WILLOW: (whispers) Wh-wh-where's Tara? XANDER: (panting) Off and running. Like we need to be. We gotta keep moving. WILLOW: (panting) Oh ... right. Demons ... on bikes. XANDER: Yeah. We got trouble. Right here in Hellmouth City. And our very own robo-Buffy led them right to us. WILLOW: Buffy! The ritual! We have to go back. (sits up) XANDER: (pushes her back) Will. I told you. WILLOW: We have to try again. XANDER: No, we can't. WILLOW: We have to, Xander! I - she - she's waiting! She's counting on us, on, on me! I can't leave her there any more, I won't. We have to finish. XANDER: Shh! They both hush and look around nervously as a motorcycle goes by near them. XANDER: (whispers) Will .. .the urn of cirrhosis... WILLOW: Osiris? XANDER: Yeah. It got kind of... WILLOW: (remembers) Broken. It's broken. I remember. XANDER: So we'll find another one. Better made. Anya and I will jump back on the web- WILLOW: There is no other one. (closes her eyes) XANDER: Okay, we'll fix this one. A little tape, a dab of Crazy Glue. WILLOW: No. It's no use. (tearful) The urn's defiled. It's gone. Nothing, it was all for nothing. Buffy's gone. She's really gone. Willow begins to cry, buries her face in Xander's chest. Cut to Buffy still ripping the cloth from the coffin. She bangs her hands against the lid, punches it and her fist goes through the wood. Dirt begins to rain down on her as she pulls at the wood, widening the hole. Cut to Anya running through the woods, looking around. MAG: (OS) Over here! Stop your moanin'. Anya suddenly falls down as Tara pulls at her from behind a rock. ANYA: (annoyed) Was that really necessary? A simple "psst"- Tara puts her hand over Anya's mouth. They both fall silent as two demons walk up near them. CLYED: I'm just saying it's rank. MAG: Get off it, Clyed. CLYED: Razor and the others head back to town, leave us here to hunt down strays. It's bullsh- MAG: Hey! (grabs Clyed) You got a bug up your crack, you take it up with Razor. The two girls huddle behind their rock listening. MAG: Until then you do as he says, and shut your hole, before I rip you a new one. Mag lets go of Clyed and looks around, snarling. MAG: Ah, screw this, let's get out of here. (they both turn away) Let's go hit some stores. Tara and Anya relax a little as the demons move away. TARA: Doesn't sound like they found Willow and Xander. ANYA: Did he say stores? Hitting stores? Does that mean looting? TARA: I think, I think the woods let out over this way (points) We should keep off the streets, take alleys if we can. ANYA: They can't loot the magic shop, not now! I just got it. TARA: (puts hand on Anya's shoulder) Let's go. They get up and start to walk. ANYA: You don't think they'll cause a lot of damage, do you? Cut to the demons still wrecking houses and cars on residential street. One demon throws a Molotov cocktail at a front door, jumps up and down triumphantly as the porch bursts into flame. Shot of a wooden mailbox labeled "Summers." A demon rides past and smashes it with a baseball bat. Cut to exterior shot of the Summers house. The demons have not yet ventured onto its lawn Cut to inside the house. Dawn is looking out the front window. SPIKE: (OS) A couple of stakes... We see Spike looking through Buffy's weapon chest. SPIKE: ...holy water, one cross - (reaches in to grab the cross) Ow! (stumbles back, shaking his hand in pain) Brilliant. He looks at his injured hand, then over at the window, notices Dawn. SPIKE: Here! (starts toward her) You want me to bloody thump you? I told you to stay away from the window. (pulls her away) DAWN: Who are they? SPIKE: (peers out) Hellions. Road pirates. (shot of a demon throwing rocks through a house's windows) They raid towns ... use 'em up, burn 'em down. It's usually backwaters, any place... (looks back at Dawn, realizing) Any place they think is vulnerable. DAWN: They know. The Slayer's gone. Spike looks back out the window. The demons continue to ride up and down the street, setting various things on fire. SPIKE: Can't stay here. (gets up, grabs Dawn by the hand) DAWN: W-well, I'm not going out there! SPIKE: (pulling her toward the door) Got no choice, bit, I can't protect you here. DAWN: (stops) Well, we can lock the doors, turn out the lights. SPIKE: And what, hide under the bed linen? Not really my style. DAWN: But we need to wait for the others, and Buffy. Spike frowns at her, confused. DAWN: ...bot. You know, the-the Buffybot. Spike sighs in frustration, looks around. DAWN: (agitated) We-we have to wait for the others- SPIKE: (grabs her roughly by the shoulders) Look! (pauses, more quietly) Dawn, I get that you're scared. But I'm your sitter, so mind me. (lets go her shoulders) I'm not gonna let any of those buggers lay so much as a warty digit on you. Right? DAWN: (whispers) Right. SPIKE: Right, then. We can't wait around to see if the others will pop in. We're on our own. No one's coming to our rescue. He takes Dawn's hands and leads her toward the back door. Cut to Buffy's grave. Zoom in on the ground, which is already churned up from the motorcycles riding over it. Suddenly a hand bursts out from below, then another hand, then Buffy's head and shoulders. She gasps for air, pulls herself up onto the grass, lies there panting. She looks around at the dark forest, very fearfully. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.
Plan: A: Buffy; Q: Who is the Slayer? A: the Scooby Gang; Q: Who is left to do the best they can without Buffy? A: a hell dimension; Q: What does Willow think Buffy may have been pulled into? A: eternal torment; Q: What does Willow fear Buffy will endure in hell? A: Tara; Q: Who is the fourth member of the Scooby Gang to perform a resurrection spell on Buffy? A: a gang demon bikers; Q: Who attacked the Scooby Gang? A: Buffy's grave thinking; Q: Where did the Scooby Gang run away from after the resurrection spell failed? A: the resurrection; Q: What spell did the Scooby Gang perform to bring Buffy back from the dead? A: a failure; Q: What did the Scooby Gang think the resurrection was? A: her own grave; Q: Where does Buffy have to claw her way out of? A: the trauma; Q: What is far from over for Buffy? Summary: Buffy is dead, and the Scooby Gang must do the best they can without her. But concern about the way she died leads Willow to believe that she may have been pulled into a hell dimension. Unable to bear the thought of their friend enduring eternal torment, Willow, Xander, Anya, and Tara decide to perform a resurrection spell that will bring Buffy back from the dead. As a gang demon bikers attack, the Scooby Gang is chased away from Buffy's grave thinking that the resurrection was a failure. They do not realize that the Slayer is alive... right where they left her. Buffy is awake but disoriented and afraid as she must claw her way out of her own grave. Buffy may be alive again, but the trauma she suffers is far from over.
(Open: Rock Creek subway Tunnel. Sweets is sitting and listening to his ipod when the guy next to him receives a text message and sits down next to him. Shocked. He starts to tear up.) SWEETS: Uh, excuse me. Are you all right? MARCO: Yes. Yes. Yes, thanks. Yes, in fact, I'm great. I've been fighting leukemia for the past eight years and now I just got a text; I'm cancer free. SWEETS: That's awesome. Congratulations, man. MARCO: It's... Oh, my God. I've been on hold for almost half my life. No more. No. I'm gonna travel, I-I'm going to sleep with exotic women in exotic places, I-I'm gonna do anything I want. SWEETS: Hey, that sounds like a good plan. Congrats, man. (He shakes Marco's hand.) (Cut to: Founding Father. Booth and Brennan are meeting with Riku Iwanaga. She has come all the way from Japan to interview Brennan about her latest book, Bone of Contention.) BRENNAN: Ms. Iwanaga has come all the way over from Japan just to interview me about my new book. BOOTH: So her book is big in Japan, too? RIKU IWANAGA: Yes, very popular. Spine-tingling. BOOTH: Spine-tingling is good, Bones. BRENNAN: Well - well, except when it indicates a dangers nerve disorder. Well, she's also interested in how you work. BOOTH: Oh, sure. As long as we keep you safe. RIKU IWANAGA: That is what Agent Andy would say in your books. (The building starts to shake) RIKU IWANAGA: It is an earthquake. BOOTH: No, no, no, no. It's not earthquake. This - this isn't California. BRENNAN: Well, in both 1811 and 1812, large tremors shook D.C. And again in 1828. (The building shakes again, harder this time) We can discuss this later... BOOTH: Okay, that's pretty... Whoa. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Cam is entering the building as it starts to shake) (Cut to: Rock Creek subway Tunnel. The car is shaking, water is spurting out of places and the workers are fleeing the area) MAN IN SUBWAY CAR: What's going on? TUNNEL WORKER #1: Let's get out of there! The main water valve just broke! Go! Go! It's a flood! (Water starts pouring into the tunnel. The subway car rides right through the flood of water and a body washes up against the window. Sweets and Marco see it.) MARCO: Oh, my God. What the hell is that?! (The car starts to shake and the passengers are thrown around. Marco hits his head on the pole and falls to the ground. Sweets gets on the ground, pulls him into his lap and checks for a pulse. Marco's dead.) (Cut to: Tunnels. A few hours later. Marco's body is being put into a body bag as Sweets watches from the side. Booth and Brennan arrive at the crime scene.) BOOTH: Look, there's Sweets. BRENNAN: Oh, he looks very upset. BOOTH: Well, when I talked to him, he said the guy died in his arms. COLIN CASEY: You guys with the FBI? BOOTH: FBI, yeah. We're here about the, uh, human remains. COLIN CASEY: That's him right over there. BRENNAN: No, uh, the skeleton. COLIN CASEY: Oh, right. Uh, Officer Grant. She can help you. BOOTH: All right, I'll tell you what, I'll meet up with you. I'm gonna go see Sweets. COLIN CASEY: Officer McKenna Grant is just right over there. BRENNAN: Thanks. TUNNEL WORKER #2: Bring me a line - get that pump working again. (Booth is by Sweets) BOOTH: You all right? SWEETS: Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. BOOTH: You don't look fine. SWEETS: Oh, it's..you know, a whole subway car full of people and uh, worst injury is a broken arm, except for this guy. BOOTH: I can see that. SWEETS: I was just talking to him, um, when-when it hit and he just beat cancer. BOOTH: Alright, look. I tell you what...just go over here and have a seat. Try to relax. SWEETS: I, uh. You know, h-he talked about traveling and sleeping with exotic women, and he was gone - just like that. BOOTH: Just have a seat, alright? Just relax, alright? And I'm gonna go check on Bones and I'll come back and I'll take you to the office, alright? SWEETS: That's fine. BOOTH: Okay? SWEETS: Uh, huh. It's no problem. (Officer McKenna Grant is showing Brennan to the body when Booth joins them) OFFICER MCKENNA GRANT: Your friend said the skeleton washed up against the train window; would have freaked me out. BRENNAN: Booth, this is Officer Grant with the transit police. BOOTH: The water mains..they broke all through the city. OFFICER GRANT: Yeah and this station was closed for construction, that's probably why it flooded like that. BRENNAN: This is a male. Early 30s. Dead at least a week. Probably washed out in the tunnel when the main broke. RIKU IWANAGA: This could be quite a thrilling opening for your next book. BOOTH: Yeah. What did she say? BRENNAN: Never mind. [OPENING CREDITS] (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform.) BRENNAN: There are striations on the bones from animals scavenging. DAISY: Probably rats from the subway tunnel. That explains why there so little tissue left. RIKU IWANAGA: Like the remains in your book Bred in the Bone. BRENNAN: Oh, no. Those remains were eaten by weasels, not rats. It's a different genus altogether, although dentition is similar. CAM: There's some kind of viscous film on the humerus and scapula. I'll take a swab for Hodgins. ANGELA: So, other than the cancer survivor who died in Sweets' subway car, there were no other fatalities; just a couple chimneys down and some stuff falling off the shelves. Really rotten luck for that poor guy...and this one, too, apparently. ANGELA: (noticing Riku) Hello. I'm Angela Montenegro. BRENNAN: Oh, Ms. Iwanaga is interviewing me for a Japanese magazine. (They bow) RIKU IWANAGA: In her books, you must be Amanda. ANGELA: Oh, well, I have a lot more fun than Amanda. BRENNAN: Angela, perhaps you could take Ms.Iwanaga to my office. We can discuss my book a little later. RIKU IWANAGA: Of course. ANGELA: Right this way. (Sweets enters the platform) DAISY: Lance? What are you doing here? SWEETS: I came to offer my-my services. Earthquakes can cause psychological trauma. DAISY: Yes, for you, baby. What you've been through... SWEETS: I'm fine, Daisy. CAM: Sweets, you saw somebody die. DAISY: I know my Lancelot. You needed to see me, didn't you? SWEETS: No, I'm just trying to do my job. DAISY: (dejected) Oh. BRENNAN: Booth told you to go home. He knows about things like this, Sweets. CAM: We'll call if we need you, I promise. We'll have Hodgins drive you home. (Sweets hesistates but then walks away) DAISY: Bye, Lancelot. (He waves goodbye. Daisy is upset that Sweets is upset and won't talk to her) BRENNAN: Note the victim's clavicle. CAM: It's dented. DAISY: And blue. BRENNAN: There's also a blue nick on the C-7. CAM: Something blue pierced his clavicle and went through to the back of his neck. That would have sliced through the carotid artery. BRENNAN: Ms. Wick, take molds of the clavicle for a possible weapon and swab the blue pigment for Hodgins. (Cut to: Hodgin's Car. Hodgins is giving Sweets a ride home) SWEETS: You didn't have to give me a lift. I have a car. HODGINS: Seeing someone die, Sweets..you don't just go on with your day after something like that. SWEETS: Right, of course. I was just... you know,I thought i-if I could help other people, then... HODGINS: Yes, but you know, sometimes you can't. SWEETS: Eight years of chemo and radiation. He said he was going to do all the things that he'd been putting off, and then he was gone. HODGINS: I'm sorry, man. SWEETS: I just don't... I don't want to disappear without living the life that I want to live. HODGINS: Well, hey, how about you start by taking the afternoon off? (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Angela is in Brennan's office with Riku) RIKU IWANAGA: Amanda is the best friend of Dr. Reichs in the books. Are you also friends with Dr.Brennan? ANGELA: Absolutely, yeah, we're, uh, we're best friends. RIKU IWANAGA: I see. Amanda once had s*x with Agent Andy. Then I assume you also have... ANGELA: Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no. Not-not me. (Riku writes something down) Wha-what are you writing there? Stop writing. The books and life are not the same thing. Most of the time. (Brennan enters) BRENNAN: Okay, Ms. Iwanaga. I'm all yours. RIKU IWANAGA: Excellent. Dr.Reichs' relationship with Agent Andy is based on you and Booth. The quite notorious s*x life they share and... BRENNAN: What? No, we are not them. They're fiction. (Riku writes something down) Wha-what are you writing? Uh, you stard writing before I answered. ANGELA: She loves to write. RIKU IWANAGA: Your readers feel the passion... BRENNAN: My readers appreciate the intricate plots and the unique forensics. Why aren't you writing that down? That was interesting; what I just said. (Daisy enters) DAISY: Dr.Brennan. BRENNAN: Ms. Wick. DAISY: I found a tooth in the victim's scapula. Oh, my gosh. Am I interrupting? BRENNAN: A tooth? I'm sorry, Ms. Iwanaga. We can continue this later. Uh, gomen nasai. (Brennan leaves) RIKU IWANAGA: Do you and Amanda share an interest in painting? ANGELA: Yes...(Riku starts writing again)..but listen, that does not mean that I had a thing with a Norwegian prince. You got that, right? That Amanda and I are different people? Belgian and Norwegian are not at all the same thing. Believe me. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform) DAISY: There. In the coracoid process. At first, I thought it was some kind of mineralized connective tissue, but then I remembered in your book, Dr. Reichs is confounded by the anomalous 13th rib. BRENNAN: Note how you are able to retain the important facts from the book. CAM: And what does all of this mean? It's definitely a tooth. I tested it - a canine. And look here -he's missing his canine. BRENNAN: Well, Someone extracted his tooth and surgically implanted it in his scapula? CAM: Okay, if that's his tooth, what's that in the middle of it? BRENNAN: Modified Osteo-odonto-keratoprosthesis CAM: Of course. It's a new surgery to restore sight. DAISY: In your shoulder? BRENNAN: They use the tooth as an anchor for a prosthetic lens. CAM: So the victim was blind. BRENNAN: This is a rare operation. We should contact ophthalmologists in the area. One of them can probably ID the victim. (Hodgins enters) HODGINS: I identified the blue substance on his bones as a polymer: paint or rubber, maybe dye. That's why I'd like to go searching for rat poop. CAM: Of course you'd like that. BRENNAN: Yes, the victim was eaten by rats in the subway tunnels. DAISY: Rat excrement will contain not only inorganic clues but digested remains from the victim. That could give vs time of death, too. CAM: Go for it. HODGINS: Well, I'll need some help. (to Daisy) You seem to know your poop. (Cut to: Subway tunnels. Hodgins and Daisy are looking for a rats nest. Daisy is taking pictures.) DAISY: Did you get to the part in Bone of Contention where Kathy has to swim through the sewage tunnel looking for the killer's teeth? HODGINS: Da, da, da, da, da. I'm on page three so far. I've been busy with the murder. DAISY: I speed-read. HODGINS: Yeah, of course you do. Hey! Rat poop. Let's bag that, okay? (he sees a rat) There's our furry little friends. Alright, there's gotta be a rat's nest nearby 'cause rat's stay close to home. So, keep your eyes open. DAISY: Here's a trail of fecal matter. HODGINS: Yep. DAISY: I think it's Dr.Brennan's best book. People think that scientists aren't romantic but Dr.Brennan has a knack for the steamy. HODGINS: Yeah, still waters run deep. DAISY: Wait until you get to page 187. It is H.O.T! She describes this move that Agent Andy makes. Lance and I tried it a few times, and oh my god. The neighbors complained. HODGINS: Rat poop, Miss Wick. Rat poop. DAISY: You have to check it out. Rat nest! HODGINS: Wow. As rat nests go, this is the mother ship. There's got to be some gift in here for us. DAISY: Ventilation grates. The body could've been dropped through there. HODGINS: Yeah, alright. Let's start bagging some excrement. DAISY: A white cane. Our victim was blind. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Angela & Daisy are sharing their findings with Cam.) ANGELA: Martin Aragon. 30 years old. Lives in Kingman Park. DAISY: His eye surgeon identified him. ANGELA: He's a scribe. CAM: I beg your pardon? ANGELA: Seriously, he wrote letters for a living. His, uh, business partner's name is Sophia Meade. DAISY: I don't like today one bit. This man was on the verge of maybe having his sight returned and Lance's dead friend from the subway just found out he was cured of leukemia. CAM: Yeah, it's ironic. DAISY: With all due respect, that's not irony. People may think it's irony but it's really just an unfortunate juxtaposition of events. ANGELA: Well, guess they're gonna need a shorter word for that. (Cut to: Founding Fathers. Brennan is having lunch with Riku. RIKU IWANAGA: Dr.Brennan, why doesn't Agent Andy wear a "cocky" belt buckle? BRENNAN: Because Andy isn't Booth but why does everyone think that? RIKU IWANAGA: Agent Booth thinks he is. He says they are both brave and attractive. BRENNAN: Well, he's wrong. RIKU IWANAGA: You do not think he's attractive? BRENNAN: Uh, I think his symmetry is pleasing, yes but Ms. Iwanaga, the characters in my books are really only there to further the forensics. RIKU IWANAGA: I do not agree. The s*x is very involving. BRENNAN: Why does everyone think that? It's just s*x. RIKU IWANAGA: Imaginative s*x. BRENNAN: Okay, I only include that - and the personal interactions - to denote the passage of time. Wh-what are you writing? I only took conversational Japanese. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Ookey Room. Hodgins is examining particulates under the microscope and Brennan's new book is sitting next to him on the desk. He picks up the book) HODGINS: Page 187. (he reads) Oh, my God. (Cam runs into Hodgins in the Hallway. He's on his way to see Angela.) CAM: Hodgins. One moment please. Personal privilege, point of order. (Hodgins enters Angela's office holding up the book.) ANGELA: How's your rat poop? HODGINS: Page 187. Mind reading it aloud? ANGELA: Page 187? I am not reading the sparky bits to you. You can get somebody else to do that, sicko. HODGINS: Okay, fine. Read it to yourself then. (she starts to read) That's that thing that I do. Nobody else does that thing. It's my thing that I do. Right. It's not a well-known thing. It's, you know, my thing that I do. ANGELA: Right, I remember. I was there. HODGINS: You told Brennan about that thing I do. ANGELA: It's a very good thing. HODGINS: It's my thing. That I do. Did you tell her that it was my thing? ANGELA: You mean, did I give you credit? HODGINS: Yes. Did you? ANGELA: No. HODGINS: Good, 'cause I don't need her looking at me thinking about.. that thing I do. ANGELA: Well, that's good then. HODGINS: But now that thing I do is in print and every guy that reads that book is gonna give it a shot. (he sighs) Oh, well. You know I got other things that I do. My advice: only sleep with guys that can't read 'cause otherwise, you'll never be rid of me. (He leaves) (Cut to: Bone Room. Daisy is handing Brennan a skull when...) DAISY: I'm very worried about Lance. I didn mean say that out loud. I just thought it so hard that it popped out of my mouth. BRENNAN: Apology accepted. DAISY: That guy dying right in front of him really freaked him out. He's very sensitive, not inured to death and mortality like you and I are. BRENNAN: The pattern of this pitting...I believe it resulted from blowback. DAISY: From a gunshot? BRENNAN: Most probably. DAISY: The victim was shot with a gun and was standing in front of something glass. BRENNAN: Which shattered and blew back into his skull. DAISY: The bullet must've been blue. Are there such things as blue bullets? That's for me to find out, right? Yes. 'Cause that's my job. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Booth's Office. Booth is talking with Sophia Meade, Martin Aragon's business partner.) SOPHIA MEADE: Martin and I have been business partners for six years. We've been writing letters for people since we got out of college. BOOTH: How did he adjust to the fact that he was going blind? SOPHIA: He loved reading and writing more than anything. The past couple of years he's been very down and depressed. That's why he got the operation. BOOTH: Listen, how does this whole, uh, professional letter writing thing, work? SOPHIA: Well, most people are unable to express themselves in a cogent manner; Martin and I know how to do that. BOOTH: Does it pay well? SOPHIA: $50 a page for simple letters. BOOTH: 50 bucks? SOPHIA: $250 for legalese. BOOTH: So, uh, someone owes me money... SOPHIA: You come to us, yes. Or if you got bad service, letters to the editor, congressmen even Dear John letters. BOOTH: When was the last time you saw your partner? SOPHIA: Last week. We don't work together every day. I have kids. I work from home. BOOTH: So, uh, clients- did they ever want their money back? SOPHIA: We have dissatisfied customers like any business but none's ever threatened us. You're welcome to look at our archives. BOOTH: Oh, so you have copies of everything. SOPHIA: Yes, on disk. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Conference Room. A few hours later. Sweets & Booth are looking at the letters) BOOTH: God, our victim was an expert on eveything. I mean, look at all these letters here: parking tickets, income tax, court orders, the whole thing. I mean, it's getting to a pot where I'd want to kill him too. Sweets? SWEETS: Yeah, yeah. Sorry. BOOTH: You sure you're ready to come back to work? SWEETS: Yeah, I'm fine. BOOTH: You know, that guy on the subway? Another way to look at it is, um, that he died happy. SWEETS: What? BOOTH: Well, I mean, think about it. This guy gets this great news and what's he do? He shares it with a stranger. SWEETS: You're gonna think I'm stupid for saying this but the whole thing...it felt like a message. BOOTH: Right, a message. I believe in messages. SWEETS: Yeah, it was like a message. "Go ye forth and live life to the fullest." Something like that. BOOTH: Live life to its fullest. SWEETS: Yeah. BOOTH: People should do that more often. Moment to moment, day to day but they don't. (Booth finds something on the screen) Wait till you see this. Look at this letter right here. A letter actually written by the victim. I mean, it's written by him and signed, uh, signed by him. SWEETS: He's complaining about a sandwich frahchise. Says it's disgusting and should be shut down. BOOTH: What? Yeah, but you know what? Keep reading; he kept the reply. SWEETS: (reading) "You're destroying my career and my living. People have been killed for less." (to Booth) It's a death threat. BOOTH: It's a death threat. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Ookey Room. Hodgins has a display set up) HODGINS: I put together a time line made out of rat poop. CAM: And now I'm in a sixth-grade science fair. HODGINS: The oldest poop, containing human remains, dates from seven days ago. Now, I also found this. CAM: Is that the color that was found on the bones? HODGINS: Mhm. The same sub-micrometer blue polymer base material. Now, I'm running a scan companies at manufacture it to see if it's ever been used for ammunition and check this out. Also found this. CAM: Is that leather? HODGINS: Mhm, it's a piece from the sole of a shoe. CAM: The victim's? HODGINS: No. His we matched with DNA. This leather was found in a rat's stomach along with bits of the victim. They were ingested at the same time. CAM: This could've come from whoever killed Martin Aragon. What do you know. King of the lab. HODGINS: Wow! That's a first. Usually I have to say it. CAM: Yes, but I wanted to hear how it sounded with a touch of modesty. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation Room. Stewart Bonder is sitting at the table. Booth enters.) BOOTH: Stewart, hello. So, I spoke to Sammy's corporate office. I found out you lost your franchise in Rock Creek last month. STEWART BONDER: What's this about? BOOTH: They said at they pulled the plug on you because you got into, uh, what they called a, uh, altercation with one of the customers there. You two fought. STEWART: Oh, yeah. That blind creep, Aragon. He comes in twice a week for three months. One day he gets sick and it's my fault. Those letters, they was just some kind of crazy vendetta. So, what's this? Son of a bitch coming after me again? BOOTH: He's dead. He was murdered. STEWART: Well, then someone did the world a favor but it wasn't me. That b*st*rd cost me over $100,000. I lost everything. BOOTH: You wrote him back. Saying you'd kill him if he didn't stop writing to the head office. STEWART: Ho-hold on, man. That's just something that you say, okay? I was going under. My wife left me. I offered him five free lunches but nothing was good enough for him. Where were you last Thursday night? Anywhere near Rock Creek subway station? STEWART: Why? BOOTH: Why? A second ago you're happy he's dead, now you don't want to tell me anything? STEWART: Man! Even from the grave this dude is ruining my life. Hey, look, I don't have to say nothing. I-I want one of those court-appointed lawyers. BOOTH: Sure. Okay. Take about a couple of hours. Sit tight. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Brennan's Office. Brennan and Riko are talking) BRENNAN: I believe my books are popular because they introduce the reader to the world of forensic anthropology. Why aren't you writing? You uslly write down everything. RIKU IWANAGA: Why did it take so long for Dr.Reichs to have s*x with Agent Andy? BRENNAN: For the same reason that she used stable isotos to determine that the victim spent her childhood in East Timor. The oxygen isotopes we ingest through food and water are incorporated into the hydroxyl carbonic apatite of bone. You-you should be writing this down. RIKU IWANAGA: Will she ever tell Andy about her affair with Ryan? BRENNAN: That was inconsequential fluff, Ms. Iwanaga. RIKU IWANAGA: It's why they fight in chapter six. BRENNAN: Well, they identify the lotus tooth in chapter six. RIKU IWANAGA: That is when their passion is released: page 187. BRENNAN: Why are you only asking about things that mean nothing? RIKU IWANAGA: Those are the things that mean everything. (Cut to: Street - Day. Booth and Brennan are walking.) BRENNAN: All anyone cares about are the characters. BOOTH: Well, it's what they relate too, you know, makes the story real. BRENNAN: No. The facts make it real. They're indisputable. BOOTH: Okay, well, if you believed that, you wouldn't write it as well as you do. BRENNAN: Angela helps me with those scenes. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: Angela helps me. BOOTH: Page 187? BRENNAN: Angela. Though, I'm anxious to try it. (She enters Founding Fathers) BOOTH: Really? (He follows) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Her and Sweets are going over the letters.) ANGELA: So, these are all the letters he was paid to write? SWEETS: Yeah, yeah, look at this one. (he reads) "Your breath gives me life. We're joined by loves tender coil. Sight ruled by my heart alone. ANGELA: That is very romantic; somebody definitely got their money's worth. SWEETS: No, I-I don't think it was written for a stranger. ANGELA: Yeah, but, this is for the customer. SWEETS: Yeah, look."sight ruled by my heart alone." He was blind. It's about him. (Daisy enters.) DAISY: Lance. I heard you were here. I've been calling. SWEETS: I know. Um, I've busy doing lot of thinking, Daisy. DAISY: About what? I know something is bothering you. You have to share it with me. ANGELA: Uh, guys I'm gonna leave. SWEETS: (to Angela) No, you know what? We should work. (to Daisy) I'll call you. I'll call you. DAISY: Okay I'll... okay. (Daisy leaves) ANGELA: What's going on, Sweets? SWEETS: You know, I only have one life, Angela and I don't wan to play it safe, so..now I'd really like to work. ANGELA: Okay. I can check these e-mail headers to see who got this letters. maybe it was some love affair gone wrong. Okay,the server sent the message to this IP address. The remote desktop is open. SWEETS: Okay, what just happened? ANGELA: Uh...well, we now have full control over the computer that received these emails. SWEETS: Whoa, what did you just do? ANGELA: Turned the web cam on. SWEETS: Hey, that is the manager at the subway station. ANGELA: Well, then that is who Martin Aragon sent the love letters to. (Cut to: Angela's Car - Day. Angela took Daisy out for a drive.) DAISY: Where are we going? ANGELA: Uh, Cam asked me get you out of the lab. DAISY: Why? ANGELA: Because you keep sighing and moaning. DAISY: Oh, I thought I was keeping that to myself. ANGELA: No, no. You were sharing with everyone. DAISY: Why do you drive a minivan? Do you have kids that we don't know about. ANGELA: I'm artist, Daisy and the Sienna has plenty of room. Plus, I stink at parallel parking and the back up camera thing is like the invention of the century. So why are you sighing and moaning, Daisy? DAISY: Because... Have you ever been dumped? ANGELA: Of course. Hasn't everybody? DAISY: Not me. ANGELA: Never? DAISY: Never. I'm smart, I'm extremely attractive plus I'm a sexual dynamo. ANGELA: So, you think that Sweets is going to break up with you? DAISY: I don't know because it's never happened before. He's pushing me away. He's been avoiding me. ANGELA: Oh, you don't have anything to worry about. DAISY: Why? ANGELA: Because before they break up with you guys usually get really affectionate and sweet. DAISY: Does it always happen like that? ANGELA: No. No, not always. DAISY: So you can't get me any real help at all, even though you've been dumped a lot. ANGELA: Not a lot. DAISY: Why would Lance break up with me? I'm awesome. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Booth is talking to Colin Casey) COLIN: I paid the dude to write letters for me. Is that a crime? BOOTH: To? COLIN: Officer McKenna Grant. BOOTH: Officer Grant,the transit cop that was at the accident? COLIN: Yeah. I was getting nowhere with her. She was all wrapped up with this dude, Eddie Ceraficki. Aragon said he could appeal to her romantic side. BOOTH: So you could close the deal. COLIN: Yeah, she's has cute ass, y'know? I thought maybe that poerty stuff, it could work. BOOTH: Right, right. You are quite a romantic, Colin. Tell you what, though. Martin Aragon was murdered. COLIN: You're kidding me. BOOTH: Try to look surprised, okay. It'll help. COLIN: I swear, I had no idea. BOOTH: You know, maybe when he wrote these letters to her-- Yeah, yeah. That's what it is. You know, maybe when he wrote these letters her, he actually fell in love with her himself? COLIN: Why would i care? As long as letters worked. BOOTH: But those letter, they didn't work and you - you shelled out a lot of money for those letters, right? What do you end up with? A blind guy who falls in love with your girliend. That would make you pretty mad, wouldn't it. Am I right, Colin? (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. She's talking to Booth, on the phone, while he is driving.) ANGELA: I feel uncomfortable talking about this. Is this because of something that that Japanese journalist said? BOOTH: No, no, no, no. It's just...Riku asked Bones about some of the character stuff in the book and when were alone..Bones, she told me you helped her. ANGELA: Yeah. I mean, I might have given her a few suggestions. That'all. BOOTH: Suggestions? Like, um..? ANGELA: Okay, look, Brennan types up her book and then I go to her place and I lie on the couch, I mean, with a glass of wine,and she reads me the book. I make suggestions. BOOTH: Um, she reads you the whole book? ANGELA: Well, yeah. Yeah. And I say..."You know what would be great here? If they were naked. Or um, "What if he says this to her and then they laugh and then they kiss?" You know, that kind of stuff. BOOTH: The good stuff, you mean. ANGELA: No, do not do that, Booth. She writes the book. I just drink wine and make suggestions. Like her editor. And editors do not get credit. BOOTH: How 'bout page 187? ANGELA: What is it with you guys and page 187? I have to go. I'm busy. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Conference Room. Booth throws down a stack on the table in front of McKenna Grant) BOOTH: Recognize these? OFFICER GRANT: Where did you get these? BOOTH: From the murder victim's computer. He wrote them to you, didn't he? OFFICER GRANT: No. These letters were sent to me by Colin Casey. BOOTH: No, Colin paid Martin Aragon to write these. OFFICER GRANT: Well, he wasted his money 'cause I only went out with him a couple times. But you think that maybe Colin blamed the blind guy for not sealing deal? No, sorry but Colin isn't exactly the tough type guy. Eddie may be, not Colin. BOOTH: Eddie. Your previous boyfriend? OFFICER GRANT: Yeah, he, um, well, when I left Eddie for Colin, he came down and punched Collin up a little bit. Not hospital punching, but yeah, you know. Knocked him around. BOOTH: What if Eddie found out that Colin used the blind guy's letters to, uh, woo you away? Where would we find Eddie. OFFICER GRANT: He owns a pawnshop just above Rock Creek station where I work. BOOTH: Is that how you met him? OFFICER GRANT: No, I met Eddie when I arrested him for carrying pizza and weapon. Yeah, I hear you. I got issues with men. Thanks for update. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Hodgins, Daisy, Cam and Angela are reviewing evidence) HODGINS: This is a Quasar safety slug. It was designed to dissintegrate so it wouldn't riccoshe after it hits its target. DAISY: So it's safe bullet? CAM: Not for the person it hits, just anyone else in the room. ANGELA: Now, this is a thin clothing of blue colour. DAISY: That must be what left marks on the clavicle C-7. CAM: Perhaps 'cause the ammunititon is so rare, we could trace buyers. HODGINS: We're not done yet. Now, turning our attention to glass fragments embedded in the back of our victim's head. CAM: The bullet exited our victim, shattered a glass object behind him before disintegrating. ANGELA: Right. The angle of applied force was 28 degrees. So if I extend the incidence lines, the point of intersection is here. Which means he was standing between 45 and 60 centimeters in front of the glass object when he was shot. CAM: Okay, then we find that glass and find where he was killed. HODGINS: Well, we're still not done. (The photographs Daisy took of the rats appear on the screen) DAISY: Hey! Those are my photographs from when Dr.Hodgins and Is went to find the rat poop. CAM: Let's not get emotional, Ms. Wick. HODGINS: Okay, so we need to find glass fixtures that contain borosilicate. We find that here. ANGELA: Now,I scanned for color frequencs on the wall where the bullet would have disintegrated. The blue polymer emits about 420 nanomers. CAM: You found where he was murded. HODGINS: He was was lured into this tunnel and was shot. DAISY: Let the record show that my photographs were invaluable to the process. There's no record, is there? (Cut to: Eddie's Pawn Shop. Booth, Brennan are there to talk to Eddie Ceraficki. Riko is still tagging along) RIKU IWANAGA: This is pawnshop...like the one in your first book when Doctor Reichs and Agent Andy removed their clothes in the two-man submarine. BRENNAN: The pulverized acromion is the important part of that book. BOOTH: Yeah, well, you know what, I like the sub. EDDIE CERAFICKI: I can hardly wait to see what you three are looking for. Oh, come on. You've got to be kidding me. BOOTH: You own an gun, Mr. Ceraficki? EDDIE: Of course I own a gun. It's a pawnshop. Never had to use it. I mean, I wave it around from time to time, but... BRENNAN: Why is he allowed to carry a gun after he was arrested on concealed weapon charge? EDDIE: That was a mistake. I accidental put it in my pocket, you know, when left work. BOOTH: Can we see the gun, please? It's just right over here. (Eddie goes to get the gun out of a bag from back against the wall) BOOTH: Uh-uh--Real easy there. Don't want any sudden movements. No mistakes. That's it. RIKU IWANAGA: That is very sexy. Big Andy, with a gun, protecting Kathy. BRENNAN: No, no, no. He's not Andy and I'm not Kathy. Plus, it's even more exciting when he shoots someone with it. BOOTH: Bones. BRENNAN: Well, it is, Booth. And very impressive. He never misses. RIKU IWANAGA: Andy sometimes misses. BRENNAN: Yes. See? BOOTH: Sorry about that one, pal. EDDIE: I get it. Cops gotta be careful. BOOTH: Is that a box of ammo over there? (He takes the top off the box; they're Quasar safety slugs) BRENNAN: Aha! Gotcha, dirtbag! EDDIE: Got me for what? BOOTH: (to Riko) Don't write that. BRENNAN: What? We got him. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation Room. Booth is talking with Eddie) BOOTH: Officer Grant says you have quite a temper. EDDIE: Yeah. Well. Guy starts writing love letters to your girlfriend, then she dumps you for him? He's gonna get a pop in the nose. It's practically the law, right? BOOTH: Yeah. Right, so you punch him in the nose, that's fine. EDDIE: Thank you. BOOTH: Then you find out that it wasn't Colin Casey who wrote the letters. EDDIE: What? He admitted it. BOOTH: No, no, no. He hired someone else to write the letters. You find that out, then you get really pissed off and you shoot him. EDDIE: Who? BOOTH: Martin Aragon. The guy who actually wrote the letters. EDDIE: Oh, wait, wait. So she dumped me for another guy? BOOTH: No, she dumped you for Colin. EDDIE: Alright, now I'm confused. BOOTH: The point of all of this is that we have your fancy blue bullets and the gun and we know where you shot him. EDDIE: I never shot my gun. I told you already. Okay? I might wave it around from time to time if some bad-looking dude comes in my joint,but I never shot it. And plus, I-I'm sure you figured out that those blue bullets don't fit in that gun. BOOTH: Guy could have two guns, right? EDDIE: Who are you saying I killed again? BOOTH: I'll tell you what, Eddie. If you have nothing to hide, why don't you just show me the gun that uses these fancy blue bullets? (he pauses so that Eddie could answer..when he doesn't..) Okay, let the record show that the suspect acted very suspiciously when I asked him to produce the weapon. EDDIE: No. Wait! Okay. I gave the gun to somebody. BOOTH: Who? EDDIE: She said I was a stiff sometimes. Alright? Boring, I guess and she wanted me to be a little romantic, so I gave her the gun that brought us together in the first place. BOOTH: Officer Grant? EDDIE: Yeah. Got it engraved and I gave it to her for Valentine's Day. So, now, are you gonna inform the record on what to show on that? BOOTH: There is no record. (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Conference Room. Booth and Brennan are waiting for Officer Grant to arrive. She's brought in by another FBI Agent.) BOOTH: Officer Grant, thanks for coming in. Can I have your sidearm, please? OFFICER GRANT: What's this about? BOOTH: Well, we got a warrant to, uh, search your apartment. Will you have a seat, please? We, uh, found Eddie's gun. It says,"You can arrest me anytime. Eddie." BRENNAN: You're a law enforcement professional; why would you keep the murder weapon? OFFICER GRANT: I am a law enforcement professional and if you had any evidence that wasn't circumstantial, you'd have arrested me. So, I guess I'll be leaving. It's been a pleasure. BOOTH: Hold on...for one second, please. We also have a warrant for your shoes. OFFICER GRANT: My shoes? (Brennan holds up an evidence bag.) What's that? BRENNAN: Leather we found with the victim's tissue. Inside a rat. If we can match this leather to your shoes, it'll show that you were there when the victim died. BOOTH: Will you please remove your shoes, Officer Grant? (Booth closes the door and Officer Grant sits down) OFFICER GRANT: Eddie was a good guy. I just wanted a little romance but those letters were a lie. I should have been happy with Eddie. I should have been happy with what I had. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hallway. Brennan is walking Riku Iwanaga out.) RIKU IWANAGA: Thank you very much. I have a big article to write. BRENNAN: Well, I hope you would stress important things in my novels. RIKU IWANAGA: I have learned very much. BRENNAN: Yes, you learned that rat excrement can provide not only the time line, but also, very important non-circumstantial evidence. RIKU IWANAGA: I also learned that people should not take credit for what other people write. BRENNAN: What is that supposed to mean? RIKU IWANAGA: Uh, I mean the man who was murdered, of course. BRENNAN: oh. RIKU IWANAGA: Arigato. BRENNAN: Arigato. (They bow. Riku leaves and Brennan sees Angela working in her office and smiles at her) (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Conference Room. Sweets is with Sophia Meade.) SOPHIA: "Unseen,I feel your spirit as we work. The scent of your hair. The accidental brush of your skin. I hear your heart beating. Mine beating with yours as one. "I breathe when you breathe, breath to breath, heartbeat to heartbeat..." You believe Martin wrote these letters to me? SWEETS: Yeah. The imagery, the syntax, the emotion. Yes, I do. SOPHIA: So you're saying he was in love with me? SWEETS: I wasn't sure whether to tell you, but... I figured that if I was him, I wouldn't want my fear to prevent you from knowing how I felt. SOPHIA: But he never said anything..but Martin wouldn't, would he? I was married. I had children. I was happy. He could never have what he wanted. Poor Martin. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Brennan enters and hands her an envelope) ANGELA: What is this? BRENNAN: It's your share. ANGELA: My share of what? BRENNAN: My advance, plus an estimation of what you deserve for the other two books. ANGELA: Okay, would you stop talking as though I know what you're talking about? BRENNAN: I've come to realize, over the past couple days, that you deserve twenty-five percent of what I get for my books. ANGELA: Does this have to do with Hodgins and the whole s*x thing on page 187? BRENNAN: Among other things. ANGELA: So, is this Booth's idea? BRENNAN: Uh, no. I did my own math. Booth is terrible at math. ANGELA: Well, I meant the whole "share" thing. BRENNAN: Booth's surprise at your involvement caused me to reevaluate our arrangement. (Brennan goes to leave and Angela opens the envelope. When she pulls out the check and almosts faints. That's a lot of zeros...) ANGELA: Oooh. BRENNAN: Is my math incorrect? ANGELA: Wow..um, this is... this is twenty-five percent? BRENNAN: Yes. I figure if my agent gets ten percent - you deserve more. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Bone Room. Daisy is putting bones away.) SWEETS: Daisy. DAISY: Lancelot, there you are. Don't touch the bones. SWEETS: Oh, did it look like I was going to? I wasn't. DAISY: I've been trying to call you. You've been avoiding me, haven't you? SWEETS: Yeah. I, uh, I just... I needed to think about some things. About you and-and me and-and what I want my life to be. DAISY: Is this because of the boy who didn't die of leukemia? SWEETS: Yeah. DAISY: And you're here because you decided something? SWEETS: Yeah. DAISY: Am I going to like what you decided? SWEETS: I don't know. I just want to say that I don't want to spend any more time away from you than I have to. DAISY: What? SWEETS: I'm doing this wrong. Um, when my mom died, she left me something and my mom and dad were together for almost 60 years. DAISY: They were really old. SWEETS: Yeah, they were really old when they adopted me. (He takes a ring box out of his coat pocket and opens it) Um... It's just a modest ring, but it represents 60 years of love. (he gets on one knee) Daisy, will you be my wife? DAISY: (she gets on her knees and wraps her arms around Sweets) It would make me incredibly happy if you would be my husband. (she kisses him) I'm sorry about everyone else - all the bad things - but that earthquake was the luckiest thing in the world for me. (They kiss again) (Cut to: Brennan's Apartment - Night. Brennan opens her door (in a robe), Booth is there.) BOOTH: You are not going to believe this. BRENNAN: Come in. You want a drink? I have some Chinese food in the refrigerator. BOOTH: Uh, a drink. Scotch. BRENNAN: What am I not going to believe? BOOTH: Officer Grant got a lawyer. BRENNAN: Well, we just arrested her for murder. I believe that. BOOTH: Right, Eddie...Eddie got her the best defense attorney in town. BRENNAN: That is hard to believe. BOOTH: I know. Right? He heard what she did for him and he fall in love with her all over again. BRENNAN: That is not rational. BOOTH: Yeah. You know what? I still can be surprised by people. BRENNAN: Is that good or bad? BOOTH: Uh, bad? I think. Uh... I don't know. BRENNAN: Well, if she's convicted, even with good behavior, she'll be in prison for the next 15 years. BOOTH: Yeah, but he said that they're soul mates and he'll it for however long it takes for her to get out. BRENNAN: Soul mates. BOOTH: Soul mates. Yeah. BRENNAN: The idea of soul mates actually originated with Plato. BOOTH: Yeah, you mean the-the clay that kids play with. BRENNAN: No, the...Oooh. (she laughs) BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: You're joking. BOOTH: Me, joke? No. BRENNAN: No, the ancient Greek philosopher. His theory was that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs and two faces. Zeus was threatened by their power and split them all in half, condemning us all to spend our lives trying to complete ourselves. BOOTH: I don't believe that's true. BRENNAN: I agree. It's ridiculous. BOOTH: Right? Four arms. Four heads. BRENNAN: Two faces. BOOTH: Come on. END.
Plan: A: Dr. Sweets; Q: Who was on a subway train when a stranger told him he had been cured of leukemia? A: the train; Q: What is thrown off its tracks as a water main breaks? A: havoc; Q: What does the water main break cause inside the train? A: cancer; Q: What disease was the man who died on the train cured of? A: The accident; Q: What exposes a skeleton that was caused by the flooding? A: Brennan; Q: Whose fourth book is interviewed by a Japanese magazine? A: Seiko Matsuda; Q: Who is the reporter who interviews Brennan for her fourth book? A: the near-death experience; Q: What event caused Sweets to make a decision about his relationship with Daisy? A: his life; Q: What did Sweets decide to live fully after the near-death experience? Summary: While Dr. Sweets is on a subway train, a stranger tells him he has just been cured of leukemia , then the train is thrown off its tracks as a water main breaks, causing havoc inside the train leading to death of the man who had just been cured of cancer. The accident exposes a skeleton that was caused by the flooding, leading Booth and Brennan to investigate. With the release of Brennan's fourth book, a reporter ( Seiko Matsuda ) interviews her for a Japanese magazine and follows her and the team around. Sweets deals with the near-death experience feeling it was a message to live his life fully, leading him to make a decision about his relationship with Daisy.
THE SUN MAKERS BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part One Running time: 24:59 [SCENE_BREAK] WOMAN: Citizen Cordo, District Four? CORDO: Yes? WOMAN: Congratulations, Citizen. Your father ceased at one ten. CORDO: All was well? WOMAN: A fine death. Body weight was eighty four kilos at termination. CORDO: I'm gratified. WOMAN: Gatherer Hade is waiting for the death taxes. CORDO: Yes, I have them here. WOMAN: Pay them at the Gatherer's office. [SCENE_BREAK] HADE: Let him enter. HADE: Well, Citizen. Death taxes? Not on the desk. It might scar. CORDO: Oh, it is wood, your honour. HADE: Mmm, of a kind called ma-ho-gany. I don't suppose you've ever seen wood before, have you, Citizen? CORDO: No, never. But we learned about it at preparation centre. There was even a picture of a tree! A fine thing. HADE: Simply a primitive way of producing oxygen. Thank the Company we have no need of trees on Pluto. CORDO: Praise the Company. HADE: Is this your account, Citizen? I see you selected the golden death, with four mercy attendants. CORDO: Yes, your honour. I always pledged that when his death day came he would not suffer. HADE: Compassion is a noble thing, Citizen. Also costly. A hundred and seventeen talmars. CORDO: One hundred and seven? No, it can't be. HADE: See the account. CORDO: But there's a mistake. Eighty, they said. Eighty for the golden death. HADE: The Collector recently raised death taxes seventeen percent. CORDO: I didn't know, your Honour. HADE: It was bulletined. CORDO: But I didn't see it. HADE: It is every citizen's duty to know the tax rates. CORDO: I've been working double shifts to earn the money. HADE: Four mercy attendants is now a further eighteen talmars. Disposal fee ten talmars plus of course an ad valorum tax of ten percent. Total one hundred and thirty two talmars. It's all here, you see, and said we put your father's personal contribution of seven talmars. Only seven talmars, Citizen? Must have been a poor man. CORDO: He was a municipal servant for forty years, your Honour. He cleaned the walkways. HADE: And then there's the recycling allowance on his death weight of eighty four kilos. That is eight talmars. Leaving a debt of a hundred and seventeen. CORDO: Please, I have only eighty six. It has taken me years to save it. HADE: How do you propose to settle the thirty one talmars outstanding? CORDO: Well, I can't. Your Honour, I have nothing. HADE: Taxes are the primary consideration, Citizen. I see that you are a D grade worker in the Foundry. CORDO: Yes, your Honour. HADE: Fortunately, as the Gatherer, I have certain powers. I will encourage your supervisor to allow you increased output. CORDO: But, your Honour, I already work a double shift now! I have only my three hours sleep time away from the Foundry. HADE: Twenty one hours a week. You must manage without sleep time until the debt is paid. CORDO: It will kill me! HADE: Take your Q capsule. CORDO: But your Honour, the high medical tax on Q capsules! HADE: Citizen Cordo, you complain too much. Thank the Company you're warm and fed. CORDO: Praise the Company. HADE: You may go. CORDO: I am gratified, your Honour. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Queen to knight six. LEELA: There? K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: Even simple one-dimensional chess exposes the limitations of the machine mind. K9: Bishop to queen six. Mistress! LEELA: There? K9: Affirmative. Check, master. DOCTOR: What? K9: Machine mind computes mate in six moves. DOCTOR: Rubbish! LEELA: Doctor! DOCTOR: Leela, keep still. LEELA: But Doctor, the DOCTOR: And shut up. I'm trying to concentrate. K9: Your move, master. DOCTOR: I know it's my move. Don't flash your eyes at me. K9: Wrong square. DOCTOR: What? K9: Your king, master. Wrong square. DOCTOR: Really? Are you sure? K9: Affirmative. LEELA: Doctor, can I speak now? DOCTOR: What? All right, if you must. What is it? LEELA: Well, the column's stopped moving. DOCTOR: So? LEELA: It is not important? DOCTOR: What?! DOCTOR: We might have gone right through the time spiral! Why didn't you tell me? LEELA: I tried to but you wouldn't let me. DOCTOR: You didn't. LEELA: I did. DOCTOR: You didn't. LEELA: I did! DOCTOR: You didn't. LEELA: I did! DOCTOR: It's that confounded paint. It's always jamming things up. Stay calm. I'm going to materialise and take a reading. LEELA: Where are we? DOCTOR: We're still in the Solar System. Pluto? LEELA: Pluto? DOCTOR: Yes, Pluto. K9: Ninth planet. Was until the discovery of Cassius believed to be the outermost body in the system. It has a diameter of three thousand DOCTOR: Leela, tell your tin friend to shut up. LEELA: K9, you can tell me later. K9: Affirmative. It's distance from the Sun is LEELA: Shush. DOCTOR: Breathable atmosphere. That's wrong. LEELA: There are buildings. DOCTOR: Pluto's a lifeless rock. Leela? I think you and I should take a W A L K. LEELA: W A L K? DOCTOR: W-a-l-k. K9: Walk, mistress. LEELA: I know. K9: Ready, master. DOCTOR: No, no, no. You're not coming. You stay here. K9: Entreat, master. DOCTOR: No. K9: I'll be good. DOCTOR: No! Pluto's no place for a LEELA: I'm sorry, K9. We won't be long. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Quite warm. Around twenty degrees. Very humid. LEELA: It is like Earth, except that the air is scented. DOCTOR: It's all wrong. It shouldn't be like Earth. Unless, of course, the Sun's turned nova. LEELA: Doctor, look! DOCTOR: Fascinating. DOCTOR: What an engineering achievement, eh? DOCTOR: Don't joggle, Leela. Don't joggle. You can look in a minute. DOCTOR: Must have taken them centuries to build a city like that. LEELA: Hey! DOCTOR: What? LEELA: Come down! Please, come back! DOCTOR: Don't touch him! LEELA: Doctor! Please, don't jump. DOCTOR: Magnificent view, isn't it. How high is this building? CORDO: A thousand metres. DOCTOR: A thousand metres? My. Are we interrupting something? CORDO: What would you say, Citizen? DOCTOR: Somehow I have the impression you're thinking of killing yourself. CORDO: It's the taxes. DOCTOR: What? CORDO: It's the taxes. I can't pay the taxes. DOCTOR: Oh, the taxes. My dear old thing, all you need is a wiley accountant. Would you care for a jelly baby? Hmm? Try one. CORDO: What? DOCTOR: They're rather good. DOCTOR: Now, tell us about it. This is Leela, I'm the Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] HADE: What is it, Marn? MARN: Air space violation, your Honour. HADE: District Four. MARN: The data vibes also indicate illegal landing. HADE: Hmm? MARN: Block Forty. HADE: Excellent. There's a fine of five hundred talmars on each count. Order my demon(?) immediately, Marn. We must apprehend the culprit. [SCENE_BREAK] CORDO: Then there's the medical tax on Q-capsules, and work tax on extra hours, so I could never clear the debt. You see, the Company charges fifty percent compound interest on unpaid taxes. I'm only a grade D work unit, three talmars a shift. Three talmars. That's not enough. LEELA: What is he saying, Doctor? I do not understand. DOCTOR: He can't make ends meet. Probably too many economists in the government. LEELA: These taxes, they are like sacrifices to tribal gods? DOCTOR: Well, roughly speaking, but paying tax is more painful. LEELA: Then the people should rise up and slaughter their oppressors! DOCTOR: Well, if little Cordo's at all typical, they haven't any spirit left for fighting. CORDO: It's the Gatherer! Quick, run! LEELA: Run, Doctor! It's the Gatherer! [SCENE_BREAK] CORDO: If we are caught up here, there is a fine of five talmars or a week in the Correction Centre. DOCTOR: What? CORDO: It is an offence! Only the executive grade is allowed in the light of the suns. DOCTOR: Suns? LEELA: Shush. [SCENE_BREAK] MARN: How did it get here? HADE: Oh, use your intelligence, Marn. We detected an air space violation. Clearly a sky freighter. MARN: But what is it, your Honour? HADE: Obviously a container. See the lock? [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: He is trying to open the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Pity K9 can't bark. CORDO: Quick! Quick! DOCTOR: What is it? CORDO: We must get away. DOCTOR: For someone who wanted to commit suicide a few minutes ago, you seem very anxious not to be caught. CORDO: Death is easy. Perhaps you've never been in the Correction Centre, Citizen. DOCTOR: Come on, Leela. CORDO: Hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] HADE: It's an intriguing case, Marn. MARN: Your Honour, it's inconceivable. To flout so many regulations. HADE: Exactly. I smell something very big. Perhaps another Kandor conspiracy. MARN: What was that? HADE: Oh yes, Kandor. MARN: I never heard of it. HADE: Yes, it wasn't made public at the time in case it gave others ideas. Kandor was an executive grade in Megropolis Four who falsified computer records for the enrichment of himself and his fellow conspirators. Altogether he defrauded the Company of millions of talmars. MARN: Praise the Company. What happened to him? HADE: He survived three years in the Correction Centre. MARN: Three years? A record. HADE: He was very strong. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Where are we going? DOCTOR: I don't know. Why did you run? LEELA: Well, he ran first. DOCTOR: That's no answer. LEELA: Why did you run? DOCTOR: I don't know. Odd, isn't it? LEELA: Perhaps everyone runs from the tax man. DOCTOR: He says you're right. [SCENE_BREAK] MARN: I can easily trace the delivery and freighter records. HADE: Whatever programme the freighter used will self destruct in print. MARN: You mean the instruction will not be retained in records? But that's another illegal HADE: Does the robber hesitate to break a window? We're not dealing here, Marn, with some snivelling tax defaulter. This is a carefully planned criminal enterprise. MARN: To what end, your Honour? HADE: To defraud the Company of its rightful revenues by smuggling contraband goods into the Megropolis. I see the magnitude of the offence astounds you. MARN: Well, it's hard to believe such depths of criminality. HADE: It exists, Marn. It exists. Despite the screening and the Preparation Centres and the air conditioning, criminal deviants occur in every generation. Enemies of the Company. On old Earth they had a saying. There's one rotten acorn in every barrel. We must find this filth, Marn. Find it and crush it. MARN: The Company be praised. How should it be done? HADE: I have a plan. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What's the hurry? CORDO: I must leave you here, Citizens. LEELA: What are you going to do? CORDO: Perhaps I can join the others. LEELA: Who are the others? CORDO: It is said they live in the Undercity. Outlaws, tax criminals, some who've escaped from the Correction Centre. Perhaps they will help me, if they exist. LEELA: If you are not sure they exist, how do you expect to find them? CORDO: I know the secret way to the Undercity. You see, my father was an E grade work unit. He cleaned the walkways all his life. He learned the secret. DOCTOR: We'll come with you. CORDO: I'm gratified, Citizens, but there may be danger. DOCTOR: No, I'm interested in this Undercity. Always like to get to the bottom of things. LEELA: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] CORDO: But you don't understand, Citizens. My father looked in once. He said there is no light, nothing. It is not possible to imagine such a thing. LEELA: You mean it is dark. CORDO: What is dark? LEELA: Well, at night, when the sun has gone. DOCTOR: He means there's no night on this planet, Leela. That's why the concept of darkness frightens him. LEELA: But that is not possible. Every planet must have a night. DOCTOR: Not if the sidereal and axial rotation periods are the same, or if there's more than one sun. CORDO: There are six. DOCTOR: What, six suns on Pluto? CORDO: Well, everyone knows that. Each Megropolis was given its own sun. DOCTOR: In-station fusion satellites. Galileo would have been impressed. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Cordo? CORDO: Yes? DOCTOR: Which way? CORDO: Somewhere beyond this point there is a little grating in the ground. DOCTOR: Well, go on. CORDO: No, I can't. It's hard to see. All the light is fading. LEELA: Your eyes will soon grow accustomed to the darkness. CORDO: I didn't think it would be as bad as this. I must turn back. DOCTOR: Too late. DOCTOR: Take your hand off that knife, Leela. DOCTOR: Hello. You must be the others. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Master? [SCENE_BREAK] MARN: The tracker system is activated, your Honour. HADE: So soon? Well done, Marn. MARN: What is it? HADE: I don't have to tell you, Marn. [SCENE_BREAK] GOUDRY: We caught these three snooping around the service subway. DOCTOR: You did not catch us. We allowed you to escort us. MANDRELL: What are they? GOUDRY: They claim they're from another planet, Mandrell. MANDRELL: There's no life on the other planets. DOCTOR: Really? How many other planets have you been to? MANDRELL: Show courtesy to my rank, or I'll cut your skin off inch by inch. DOCTOR: I can see we're going to get on famously. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Descend to level forty two. [SCENE_BREAK] MANDRELL: Where are they from? He looks like an Ajack. DOCTOR: Do you think he's insulting me? LEELA: With a face like his? He would not dare. DOCTOR: No. LEELA: Let me get him, Doctor. I could cut his heart out. DOCTOR: Shush. We haven't come here to fight. We haven't come here to fight. MANDRELL: Why did you come here, then? DOCTOR: Because my new little chum here seemed unhappy about something. MANDRELL: The D grade? DOCTOR: Yes, the D grade. LEELA: He wishes to join your tribe. MANDRELL: Get him up. DOCTOR: I'll get him up. Come on, don't be frightened. CORDO: Light. Please, Doctor, let me see some light. MANDRELL: Fool, there's no light down here. Only that which we make ourselves. GOUDRY: Come on. Come on! We can make a few candles out of him. It's all he's good for, Mandrell. MANDRELL: Shut up. What's your name? CORDO: Citizen Cordo, District Four. GOUDRY: Foundry or smelting? CORDO: I'm a foundry work unit, your honour. Always respectable. All my life I've met the production quotas, paid my dues and taxes, praise the Company. MANDRELL: Stuff the Company. Mouth those mindless parties down here, Citizen Cordo, and you'll get your throat slit. So, you're in trouble with the Gatherer, eh? CORDO: Yes. I couldn't meet my father's death taxes. It was more than I was told, and I MANDRELL: It's always more than they tell you. I've heard the story a thousand times. You stay with us, you'll have to earn your keep. CORDO: Oh, yes, your honour, I'll work. Anything. MANDRELL: Work? Work, Cordo? Nobody works here. We go into the upper levels and steal what we need. Aye, and kill for our needs when necessary. VEET: This skin, it's real skin! LEELA: You touch me again and I'll fillet you! MANDRELL: A handy girl. Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? MANDRELL: You two may be of more use to us than I thought. DOCTOR: Well I'm delighted to. Oh, no, no, we're just tourists. We're not staying. DOCTOR: On the other hand, it is quite cozy. Don't you think it's quite cozy here? [SCENE_BREAK] MARN: It's turning into subway CT1. HADE: How I dislike the lower levels. So very depressing. MARN: The D grade work units have their dormer somewhere along there. HADE: He's turned again, Marn. Where is it now? MARN: It looks like one of the service subways, your Honour. [SCENE_BREAK] VEET: It is finished. MANDRELL: A thousand talmars? VEET: It will do. MANDRELL: It'd better do. A little task for you, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, good. MANDRELL: Here's a ConSumCard we got of an Ajack. It's made out for a thousand talmars. DOCTOR: A thousand talmars. Stolen? MANDRELL: What do you think? DOCTOR: Stolen. MANDRELL: It hasn't been used, so it's not on the computer records. GOUDRY: None of us could us it. We don't look like Ajacks. DOCTOR: Hmm. What do these Ajacks look like, if I'm pretending to be one. I ask merely for information. GOUDRY: They're all miners. They live in Megropolis Three. MANDRELL: Do you know how to use a ConSumCard? DOCTOR: Er, computer microloaded, er, do you feed it into a reader? MANDRELL: At the ConSum Bank on subway thirty seven. DOCTOR: Subway thirty seven. MANDRELL: Cordo? You show the Doctor how to get there. LEELA: (quietly) Do not go, Doctor. DOCTOR: What? Suppose I refuse to go? MANDRELL: You'll die. DOCTOR: It was just a passing thought. MANDRELL: Well, here's another one in case you run off with our talmars. If you're not back by this time, the girl dies. [SCENE_BREAK] CORDO: I couldn't breathe down there. DOCTOR: It was a bit stuffy, but unscented. CORDO: What is it? DOCTOR: Nothing, just an idea. K9. K9: Master. DOCTOR: Didn't I tell you to stay in the TARDIS? [SCENE_BREAK] MARN: An Ajack, by the stamp of him. HADE: The other. The other I've seen somewhere before. MARN: A D grade? HADE: D grade. Hmm. Of course! He was here, only hours ago, whining for time to pay his taxes. MARN: What would an Ajack want with those riff-raff of the Undercity? HADE: Quick, put the tracker on the Ajack. MARN: Your Honour, it's not possible. The tracker system is keyed to follow that machine. HADE: You mean you've lost him. MARN: We know the subways he's traversing. We can make physical contact. HADE: No, too soon for that. I want to know more about this Ajack. By my ledger, I've got it, Marn! MARN: Your Honour? HADE: I know what they're smuggling. Arms. MARN: Weapons? HADE: Mmm. They were always an arrogant, unsettled lot, the Ajacks. The air conditioning isn't effective in the mines. It's long been recognised that if there's ever a rebellion against the Company, it will start among the Ajacks. Don't you see? MARN: You mean he's smuggling arms to the Undercity? HADE: Exactly. And if it's happening here, it's a talmar to a toffee it's happening in every Megropolis on Pluto. MARN: What shall we do? HADE: I must go to the Company palace and warn the Collector. We need the Inner Retinue to deal with this. [SCENE_BREAK] CORDO: There it is, Doctor. DOCTOR: Tens, please.
Plan: A: The Tardis lands; Q: What happens on Pluto in the far future? A: a lifeless rock; Q: What is Pluto in the far future? A: six suns; Q: How many suns does Pluto have? A: crippling taxes; Q: What is the human population on Pluto subjected to? A: a government; Q: What is "The Company"? A: a man; Q: Who is about to commit suicide on Pluto? Summary: The Tardis lands on Pluto in the far future. Instead of being a lifeless rock, there's scented air, massive buildings, six suns, a human population subjugated by crippling taxes from a government called "The Company," and a man about to commit suicide.
[Scene: College. Phoebe's in class.] Professor: The lions observed in the Ingoro goro crater of Tanzania, mated on average once an hour for a week straight. Before I lose half the room to that thought, answer me this. Where does it begin? And the purpose of all animals is that the proliferation of the species, right? (Phoebe sees a guy staring at her. She smiles.) But it isn't as easy as your nest or mine. It starts with a series of mating rituals. First, the animal must get the attention of the object it desires. (Phoebe looks at the guy again and she brushes her hair back.) Next, there must be a sign that the interest is mutual. (Three of Phoebe's friends are sitting behind her. One of them shows another something in a book. They giggle. Phoebe turns around.) Phoebe: What's up with my study group having fun without me? Andrea: Sorry, Phoebe, you looked busy. Professor: Use your time in section tomorrow, tail line your group's thesis, be specific. Better yet, just spell check. See you next week. (Everyone starts packing up. Phoebe turns around and looks at the cover of the book that Andrea is holding.) Phoebe: Is that a book of love spells? Andrea: Yeah, found it in the valentine display over at the campus bookstore. (She hands it to Phoebe.) Tessa: It's stupid. Brooke: Is not. Andrea: We just figured, you know, since we're dateless this year, maybe it'll give us some laughs. (Phoebe laughs to herself while reading the book.) Brooke: What? Phoebe: Oh, nothing. It's just they've got it backwards. You'd never say it in that order. First you say what's lacking and then what's needed. Here, try this. "From strike of twelve count twenty-four, that's how long the spell is for, if to abate my lonely heart, enchant these gifts I thee impart." See? (They stare at her shocked.) Um, I'm doing a paper on the growing popularity of witchcraft. Hey, if you guys want something fun to do tomorrow night, you should check out my sister's club. (She hands them a flier.) Tessa, Brooke: Cool. Phoebe: No dates required. Andrea: Okay. Tessa: We'll be there. Phoebe: See you at the section tomorrow. (Phoebe stands up. Ethan, the guy that was staring at her, walks over to her.) Hey, there's a party tomorrow night. (She gets a flier out of her bag.) You should come. Ethan: Why? Phoebe: Because I'll be there. [Scene: College. The dorm. Andrea, Tessa and Brooke are about to do the love spell. A pig, a rabbit and a snake are on the floor.] Tessa: Okay, I'm freaked. Can we turn some lights on? Brooke: No, we can't. Can we? Andrea: It'll spoil the mood. Come on, it says to join hands. (They join hands.) Tessa: We're not gonna hurt them are we? Because I promised Ben that I would get his pig back to him tomorrow. Brooke: It's a joke spell, Tessa. This is just supposed to be fun. I mean, you can choose any animal to turn into a man and you chose a pig. Tessa: Well, it's frankly known that pigs are the most intelligent species, that's why. Brooke: Well, then we all know why Andrea chose the rabbit. Andrea: Just keep your fingers clear. He scratches. Brooke: Kinky. Exactly why I brought a snake. Andrea: Okay, let's do this. Say it with me. Andrea, Tessa, Brooke: "From strike of twelve count twenty-four, that's how long the spell is for, turn these gifts into a mate, and then my lonely heart abate." (Nothing happens.) Tessa: Okay, that was fun. Can I go now? Andrea: Wait, didn't Phoebe say some of the words were wrong? Brooke: Why don't you call her? Andrea: I don't have to. The power of technology. (She gets her tape recorder and plays it.) Phoebe's voice: No dates required. (Andrea rewinds the tape.) From strike of twelve count twenty-four, that's how long the spell is for, if to abate my lonely heart, enchant these gifts I thee impart. (A bright light and smoke fill the room. Then the animals turn into three naked men.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper's there. Prue comes in looking like she just woke up.] Piper: What's wrong with this picture? Prue: Okay, is that rhetorical or do I actually have to open my eyes to look at something? Piper: Well, it's a weekday and Phoebe Halliwell is already at campus, while Prue Halliwell, master of the morning meetings, sultan of scheduling and queen of... Prue: Cut it. Piper: How's it feel to be footloose and office free? Prue: Amazing. You know what I'm gonna do today? Piper: What? Prue: Absolutely nothing. Piper: Really? Really, Prue? Nothing entails physically doing nothing, thinking about nothing and worrying about nothing, as suppose to your sister here who's so in the middle of something. Prue: Okay, sweetie, what is wrong? Piper: Well, for starters there is tomorrow. (Prue doesn't know what she's talking about.) Valentines Day. Prue: Wow, I completely forgot. See? I'm doing nothing already. Piper: And Dan wants me to have a V-day dinner with him. Prue: Oh, that's good. Piper: Yeah, except for the fact that there's... Prue: Leo. I mean, he is mortal now, doesn't that change things? Piper, you're my sister and I'm with you whatever and whoever you choose. [Scene: College. The dorm.] Pig guy: I need to eat. (The rabbit guy comes out of Andrea's room.) Rabbit guy: Another satisfied customer. Tessa: (to the pig) You've already eaten everything in our fridge. Brooke will be back with food any minute. Just wait, okay? Rabbit guy: Whoa, what are we supposed to do until then? Snake guy: Fine question. What should we do? You two are acting like nothing's changed. Like you're still trapped in the confines of your cages. Behaving like animals. Tessa: That's what you are. Snake guy: Not anymore, thanks to you. You've been given a gift. It's time to take it out for a test drive. What it looks like from up here. Tessa: You can't. I mean, you have to stay here. (They walks towards the door.) Wait. (They walk outside in the hallway and they are still naked.) Girl: (pleased with what she sees) Ohh! (They walk down the hallway. Ethan walks around the corner holding a basket full of his clothes. He stops in front of them.) Snake: Is there a problem? Ethan: Uh, yeah, try covering up, dude. (They look down and notice they're naked.) Snake: Remedy the situation. (The rabbit pushes Ethan against the wall and takes his basket.) Ethan: Hey! Hey, man. (The rabbit pushes him and scratches him and he falls to the floor.) [Scene: P3. Piper carries a huge heart made out of flowers over to the bar. She notices a small bunch of flowers lying on the bar.] Piper: Who are these for? (Leo pops up from behind the bar.) Leo: They're for you. I know they're not much. Piper: They're beautiful. Um, but Leo... Leo: But it's, you know, the best I could do. You know, no I.D., no transportation, no money. I just wanted you to have something to mark the day. Piper: Thank you. I have something for you too. Although not nearly as romantic but still a good thing. (She holds up some money.) Your first pay cheque, or cash rather. I thought it would be easier. (She hands it to him.) Leo: So did I. Anyway, thanks. Looks like after everything, I'm still working for the Charmed Ones. Piper: Is all this... you doing okay with it? Leo: Yeah, I gotta make it up as I go. Piper, if me being here is awkward for you... Piper: No, um, what's there to be awkward about? Leo: These go in the back, right? (He picks up a tray of glasses and takes them to the store room.) Piper: Mmm hmm. (Dan comes down the stairs carrying a big bunch of flowers. He walks over to Piper.) What are those? I thought that we were gonna wait until tonight. (He puts them on the bar covering up Leo's flowers.) Dan: You're right. (He picks them back up.) I should take them back. Piper: Don't you dare. Give them to me. (He gives them to her.) They're beautiful. Thank you. (They hug. Dan sees Leo walk out of the store room.) Dan: Uh, Piper. Piper: Mmm hmm. Dan: Is there something you wanted to tell me? Piper: Not that I know of. Dan: You sure? (Leo walks up to them.) Leo: Dan. Dan: Leo. (Leo walks between them and picks up the huge heart made of flowers. He walks away with it.) You never mentioned he was here. Piper: Leo's here. You're right. I meant to and then things got busy, so, um, I didn't and I'm sorry. He's just helping out. Dan: With what exactly? Piper: Um, you know, handy man, busboy, bar back, security type stuff. He needed a place to and it's really not a big deal, Dan. Dan: That's just the point, it is. When you were sick, you called out his name, not mine and I was right there with you. When he's around, you're, I don't know, different. We're different. How do you want me to handler that? Piper: And to tell you truth, if the situation were reversed, I don't know how I would feel. But I do know how I feel right now. Dan: How do you feel? Piper: Like for the first time in a very long time I'm actually looking forward to a valentines day dinner and you're the the reason. (He hugs her and Leo watches them from the other side of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue's sitting on the couch. She's on the phone.] Prue: Uh, is Brianna there? Of course she's at work. Um, yeah, hi, this is Prue calling. No, you can actually just erase that number. She can reach me at home. Home, I'll be home. Okay, bye. (She hangs up. She sees a vase of flowers on the dresser. She tries to centre it using her power but it keeps sliding over too far. She sits there looking bored. The phone rings and she answers it.) Prue Hall... hello? Phoebe: Hello, yourself. How is the life of leisure going? Prue: It's great. I don't know why you ever gave it up. Phoebe: Yeah, because that house is only big enough for one home bound Halliwell. Hey, I'm just on my way to class but I wanted to know if Brooke or Andrea or Tessa called. Prue: No, no one called. Nobody. Zip. Nada. Zilch. [Cut to Phoebe.] Phoebe: That is so weird. They never showed up for our section today. (Pig guy sees a barbeque with sausages on it and a sign with a pig holding a hot dog. He grabs the guy cooking the sausages.) Pig guy: How could you do this to them? (He throws the guy on the ground and picks up the sausages.) Run, run my brothers! Run free! (He throws them up in the air.) Prue: Um, so hey, Phoebe, I was wondering if maybe we could meet for lunch and if you're pressed for time, then I can just come to campus. Phoebe: Actually I was gonna pick up a sandwich on the way to class. Prue: Okay, so what about after class? We could go to the gym. (Phoebe sees the rabbit guy hurting a girl.) Pheebs? Phoebe: I gotta go, Prue. (She hangs up.) Girl: You're hurting me. Stop! Get off! (Phoebe walks over to them and taps the rabbit guy on the shoulder. Phoebe: Hey, is there a problem? (Phoebe has a premonition of the rabbit guy biting someone. The premonition ends and the rabbit guy turns around and Phoebe trips him. He runs off.) Are you okay? Girl: Yeah. (Phoebe runs after the rabbit guy. She sees him jump over a wall with one leap.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Prue walks in. Piper's wrapping Dan's present.] Prue: Oh, we so have to cancel your Martha Stewart subscription. (She sits down.) Piper: When I start making flower boxes out of milk cartons, then you can shoot me. Prue: So, um, do you need help with anything? Piper: What happened to doing nothing? Prue: I'm finished. Piper: You can't finish doing nothing. Prue: So then how do you know when you're done? Piper: Put your finger on this. (Prue puts her finger on a ribbon.) It's for Dan. Prue: What did you get him? Piper: A book on San Francisco architecture. I know, I know, it's a little too impersonal for valentines day but... Prue: No, no. Show's that you know him. It's perfect for him. Uh, what did you get Leo? Piper: Leo? But should I? Tonight? Prue: Yeah. (Phoebe enters.) Phoebe: Hi. Prue: Hey. Phoebe: Okay, guess what I saw on Pheeb TV. Piper: No, not a premonition. It's valentines day. Can't there be some kind of supernatural day off? Prue: What did you see? Phoebe: There was a guy on campus harassing this girl, so I tried to stop him and wham! it was really weird. Like a guy biting a girl. Piper: Biting? Or kissing? It is that time of year, it could've been kissing. Phoebe: Hmm, maybe, it could of been I guess. Piper: Most people kiss on valentines day, except of course for witches. No, witches don't get to kiss on valentines day because something always comes up. Prue: Okay, so maybe it was just some drunk frat guy and his chick of the moment. Phoebe: Yeah, maybe. It just, it wasn't very clear. And then I followed him and I think he jumped over this wall. Prue: He jumped over a wall? Phoebe: Yeah, well, there was a ladder pretty close. Piper: Phoebe, come on. Doesn't anybody care that I have dinner plans tonight with Dan? (Piper holds up the book.) Phoebe: Oh, honey, is that what he got you? I mean, it's nice and all just a little impersonal. (Piper groans, crosses her arms on the table and buries her head in them.) What'd you get for Leo? What'd you get Leo? [Scene: College. The dorm corridor.] Tessa: But we missed section. Andrea: It's valentines day. I wanna find my date. Tessa: Are you sure? I mean, this isn't natural. You said it was just a joke and now they are human beings. Andrea: Pretty cool, huh? Tessa: No, no it's not. I think we should turn them back. Brooke: Just chill. We'll just until midnight and they'll turn back on their own. Andrea: Yeah. (They walk in their room. The rabbit, pig and snake guy are there. The snake's holding the spell book.) Snake guy: What does this mean? Andrea: It's a spell. That's what made you human. Rabbit guy: Yes, but for how long? (You see his fingers are starting to turn back into rabbit claws.) Snake Guy: He asked you a question. Brooke: Twenty-four hours. Actually now it's more like twelve. Snake Guy: Well, fix it. We've decided we would like to stay this way. Rabbit Guy: Yeah, we're having fun. Andrea: Yeah, sure looks like it. Am I wrong here but aren't you supposed to be mine? Snake Guy: Aren't you having fun, Andrea? You know, you can have much more fun if we had more time. Brooke: I might know how. Tessa: No. Brooke: Okay, we can't but I might know someone who might. Phoebe. She'll be at the party tonight. Andrea: Wait, I have the class roster. I know where she lives. Snake Guy: Show us the way. Pig Guy: Uh, we're gonna eat though, right? Tessa: Guys, I really don't think we should Snake Guy: Why don't you go on ahead. We'll catch up. (Brooke and Andrea leave.) Now why do you have to be such a little trouble maker? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Book store. Phoebe and Piper are picking out a card for Leo.] Piper: Thanks for keeping me company. Phoebe: Better here than at the club with Prue. Her boredom has turned her into the demon of declaration. Piper: Why don't they make a card that says "You used to be my Whitelighter and now your wings are clipped and now you're sleeping in my club." Phoebe: Or how about "you snooze, you lose and now I'm getting naked with the neighbour." (Piper hits her on the arm.) Ow, hey. (Phoebe picks up a card.) How about this one? (She reads it.) Oh, yeah, yeah, very sweet. Ta assussa sasa. Piper: And what is that supposed to say? Phoebe: That says something in Portuguese but at least you won't have to worry about him taking it the wrong way. Piper: Thank you. (Phoebe notices the spell book in the shop.) "To the special person who lights up my day. I'll treasure you always." Phoebe: Ohh, of course. Piper: And then I'll spit up on myself. (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: Ooh, the girls in school are reading this. (She picks up the spell book.) The ones in my class. We are so in right now. Piper: We are not in. Love is and this stuff gives people hope that they can find it. Phoebe: Yeah, the problem is people think they can get into magic without dealing with the consequences. Piper: But this stuff, none of it's like in the Book of Shadows. For one thing, it doesn't really work. I mean, normal people can't make this work. (Phoebe remembers something.) Right? Pheebs? Phoebe: Not without a little help. Um, I have to go call Prue. I think I need her help with something. (Phoebe runs off.) Piper: Something to do? She'll be thrilled. (Piper picks up another card.) Okey dokey. (All it says on it is "For you always.") Now that's a card. (She puts it back and picks up another one.) This'll do. (She leaves. You see Leo standing in the next aisle. He's holding the "For you always" card.) [Scene: P3. Piper walks down the stairs.] Piper: Hello? Worker bees? Anyone? (She notices petals on the floor leading to somewhere. She follows them into the alcove. She opens the curtains and sees wine and glasses on the table. Dan's there holding a tulip.) Dan: I'm sure this'll ruin the dinner that I'm gonna buy you tonight but Piper: You are so sweet. (She looks at the bottle of wine.) Piper red label? Dan: Well, with a name like that, I figured it would be the best. I mean, this is our first holiday. The holiday invented by Hallmark. But it's just the same. (Piper's still holding the card for Leo and she hides it behind her back so Dan doesn't see.) Dan: Is that for me? Piper: Uh (He takes the card and reads it.) Dan: "To a dear friend on Valentines Day." Piper, it's nice to know that you're deeply in like with me. It isn't for me, it's for Leo, isn't it? Piper: What do you want me to say? Dan: How about no. Piper: Dan, you read it. Read it again. It says to a friend. And I'm sorry but I'm not interested in ending that particular friendship. Dan: I'm not sure that's all he sees it as. Piper: I come with a past. We all do. It's a package. One I would like to share with you but you can't pick and choose. You get all of me. Dan: Do I? Piper: Okay, um, I've gotta work, so why don't I just see you tonight. Dan: Fine. (He walks away.) Piper: Fine. Oh, I just love Valentines Day. [Scene: Manor. The rabbit guy smashes the glass on the front door and puts his hand in to open the door.] Brooke: You can't do this. Andrea: This is going too far. (They walk inside.) Snake Guy: Rules like cages, were meant to be broken. Brooke: Okay, since leaving campus, you guys have beaten a pedestrian to a pulp and played chicken with a car. Are you on something? Andrea: Or just your average crazy? Look, Tessa seemed fine but if she's really not feeling well like you said, we should go home. Or at least call her. Snake Guy: We need Phoebe. (The pig guy pulls some skin off the back of the snake guys neck and there's snake skin underneath.) Andrea: Oh, my God. Pig Guy: What's happening? Rabbit Guy: We're changing back. Brooke: The spell said this would happen. Look, Phoebe's not here and there's nothing we can do to change things. It's not like we made up the rules. Andrea: God, Tessa was right. We shouldn't have done this. (The snake grabs Andrea. She screams and he bites her on the neck. She falls to the floor.) Snake Guy: She talked too much. (The rabbit guy grabs Brooke.) Brooke: Don't touch me. Pig guy: Guys stop! This isn't fun anymore. Rabbit guy: Yes it is. Snake guy: Next time you want a dangerous man, you might wanna make sure he's not poisonous. (She screams and he bites her on the neck. She falls on the floor.) Pig guy: Why'd you do that? Snake guy: Paper. Give me the paper. (The rabbit gets Phoebe's flier out of his pocket and gives it to him.) Pig guy: Are they...? Snake guy: They will be. Rabbit guy: Don't we need both of them and Phoebe for the spell? That's how it worked before. Snake guy: Four hours until we turn back. Four hours until they die from the poison. I think that information might motivate this Phoebe to help us. (His snake tongue sticks out.) Her scent, it's everywhere. She's not here right now. Pig guy: Let's go home, okay guys. I've had enough. We're not meant to be like this. (He starts crying. They walk up to him.) What? Come on, guys, what? No. Not me. (They both squeeze him really hard and he starts squealing like a pig. He falls to the floor.) Snake guy: I didn't think he'd ever shut up. [Scene: College. The dorms. Phoebe and Prue are walking down the hallway.] Prue: Since when do mortals cast spells that actually work? Phoebe: Look, I know that book is probably a total cheese fest, but what if? The spell called for living objects, my premonition and that guy who could leap tall buildings in a single bounce. Something is wrong, I know it. (A guy walks past them wearing only a towel.) Prue: Oh, hire education. Maybe, I need to come back to college to study something. (They walk up to Tessa, Brooke, and Andrea's room. Ethan's there.) Phoebe: Oh, Ethan. Ethan: Hey. Phoebe: What happened, honey? (She notices the cut on his forehead.) Ethan: Oh, it's nothing. Just some drunk frat guy. Prue: Yeah, seems to be a lot of that going around. Phoebe: Uh, this is my sister Prue. Ethan: Hey. Prue: Hey. Ethan: Well, I just knocked buy nobody was in. I thought I'd give them some hell for missing section today but, I mean, Andrea and Brooke would totally bail out but it doesn't really seem like Tessa, you know. Then again, it is valentines day, maybe they had something better to do. (Phoebe stares dreamily at Ethan.) Phoebe: Do you? Prue: Okay, gotta go, busy, busy. Nice meeting you, Ethan. (They shake hands.) Ethan: Nice to meet you and I'll see you tonight. Phoebe: Okay. (Ethan walks past them and Phoebe goes to follow but Prue stops her.) Prue: I'm sorry, okay. Phoebe: Oh, you're right. Love needs a backseat to duty. Prue: What's that about love in a backseat? (She uses her power and unlocks the door. They walk in.) Because mum, dad, your birth. That's how you were. God, this place is a mess. I mean, boys are bad but this is a pig sty. Phoebe: I don't think they did this. Prue: Hey, is this the spell book? (The book's on the floor.) Phoebe: Yeah. (They hear noises in the closet.) Prue: What was that? Phoebe: It's in the closet. (They walk over and open the closet. Tessa is in there locked in a cage.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Phoebe and Tessa are there.] Phoebe: Look Tessa, I know what you've been through has been really hard but the only way that we can help you is if you tell us what happened. Tessa: There's no way that you'd understand. Prue: You won't find two more understanding people in this particular instincts. Tessa: It just sounds crazy and you'll think that I'm... Phoebe: Very brave for facing whatever it is. Tessa: You remember that spell that we showed you in class? Well, it worked. Not liked it helped us meet guys, it helped us make guys out of animals. Phoebe: And you did this from the spell in that book? Tessa: Yeah, and we even played back the tape that we were recording in class so we could here your corrections for the spell. (Phoebe and Prue look at each other.) But before we had a chance to chant the new version, there they were. Prue: Alright, so what is it you think these men want with you? Tessa: I don't know. Maybe it's our fault because we tried to make them into something they're not. Phoebe: No, you can't blame yourself for the action of other people. We're gonna fix this. First we have to fix you. I'll be right back. (She walks in the kitchen and looks in a cupboard.) If I were hydrogen peroxide, where would I be? (She hears a noise in a closet.) [Cut back to Prue and Tessa. Prue notices the broken glass on the door.] Prue: Phoebe! [Cut back to Phoebe.] Phoebe: Prue, where do we keep the hydrogen peroxide? (Phoebe opens a closet and the pig guy falls out on top of her. Prue and Tessa run in the kitchen. Phoebe pushes the pig off her.) Tessa: Oh my gosh. He was one of them, except he didn't look like that. Prue: The spell must be wearing off. Phoebe: They're starting to look and act more like animals. Prue: Alright, look, they have killed one of their own, there's no telling what they're gonna do or what they already have done to your friends. Phoebe: Do you know what they want? Tessa: You. Phoebe: What? Tessa: They're having fun and they wanna stay this way and Andrea told them that you'd be able to help them. Phoebe: Where are they now? Tessa: There. (She gets the flier off the fridge.) That's where I think they'll be. [Scene: Side of the road. The snake guy and rabbit guy are there with a broken down car. A car drives past and they wave him to stop.] Man: You guys need some help? Snake guy: You could say that. I think we're outta gas. Man: What can I do for you? (The snake guy's eyes turn into snake eyes.) Snake guy: You could not scream. (The rabbit guy jumps on the bonnet of the car. Then the snake guy jumps on the roof, runs across it, leans over the edge and strangles the guy. Rabbit guy opens the boot of the other car and Andrea and Brooke are in there.) Rabbit guy: Okay, ladies, papa's gotta brand new set of wheels. [Scene: P3. Piper's talking on her cell phone.] Piper: Prue, the place is full of snakes. How am I suppose to pick out the right one? Did I mention I have dinner plans with Dan? Okay, you're five minutes away? Okay, as fast as you can would be good. (She hangs up.) Leo: Everything okay? Piper: Of course not. Prue and Phoebe have found a problem. Two of them actually and they're bringing their dates here. Leo: On the night when you have a date of your own, huh? Piper: Just ear mark anyone looking for Phoebe. (Ethan walks up to Piper and Leo.) Ethan: Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to know if Phoebe Halliwell is anywhere around here, would you? Piper: She should be here any minute and if you'd sit down over there and don't move you'd have a perfect view. (Ethan goes over and sits at the bar.) Leo: You think he's... Piper: Could be. Leo: Let me help. Piper: No, Leo, thank you, but now that you've lost your wings, I'm... I don't want you to get hurt. (Leo sees Dan walk down the stairs and he walks away. Dan comes up to Piper.) Dan: Hey. Will you be my valentine? Piper: I hope so. Especially after... Dan: Today. Well, tonight's tonight. So let's get started. Piper: Um, about that. Dan: You're kidding. Just tell me you're kidding. Piper: What? Dan: Wait, let me guess, It's something with your sisters, or maybe you'll be vague and just say something important's come up, or my favourite of all time - it's a matter of life and death. Piper; Actually, what I was going to say, if you would let me, is that I'm running a little late and could you please wait for me at the bar. (She walks away. The rabbit and snake guy enter the club. They walk around looking for Phoebe. Prue, Phoebe and Tessa enter the club. Phoebe's holding a pen and paper.) Leo: Hi guys. Prue: Hey. Leo: Piper's stressing in the alcove. Prue: Tessa, Leo, Leo, Tessa. Can you watch her for us for a little while please? Leo: Yeah, sure. Prue: Phoebe, how's the spell coming? Phoebe: It'd be coming a lot better if I could get my hands on a pinch of the salt of life. Leo: We got the salt of margaritas. Phoebe: I will take it. (Prue and Phoebe go in the alcove.) Tessa: So, who are you? Leo: I'm, uh, just a friend. [Cut to the alcove.] Prue: Hey, how's my stressed out sister and her something? Piper: Well, we've moved past something and straight into everything. The view sucks, I don't recommend it. How goes the battle plan? Prue: Well, we didn't find anything in the Book Of Shadows. Phoebe: Which makes sense because the animen or whatever were created by careless magic, not supernatural evil. Piper: So where does that leave us? Prue: In the hands of our spellbinding sister who's writing a little hocus pocus to turn these men back into animals before they get completely out of control. Phoebe: Easier said than done. I do not work well under pressure. Prue: Any sign of him? Piper: Well, I've been watching that one who came in looking for Phoebe but he doesn't seem so creepy. (They look at Ethan.) Prue: Yeah, the only magic Phoebe wants to work on him is personal. That's her date. Piper: Oh. Why do we seem to have a habit of gathering our men at the scene of the supernatural smack down? Phoebe: It's part of our charm. (Morris arrives.) Morris: Hey, ladies. Piper: Hey, Darryl. Please tell me you're here for a nice romantic evening with your wife. Darryl: No, that'd be what I'm late for. Piper: Join the club. Morris: I'm here as a friend. It's not my case -------. string of violent crimes in the campus, to your neighbourhood, all the way here to the parking lot. Stolen blue and grey --------- were driving - parked outside. A couple of units are on their way, so... Prue: Thanks for the heads up. Piper: I'll warn security. (Leo comes in and hands the salt to Phoebe.) Phoebe: Oh, thanks Leo. Leo: Uh, Tessa says Andrea and Brooke aren't here. Tessa: But they are. (They see snake guy and rabbit guy coming towards them.) Snake guy: Phoebe, so nice to smell you. Phoebe: He just spotted me. (The snake peels some skin off his face and snake skin is underneath.) Prue: Okay, how are we doing on that spell? Phoebe: You know, you keep throwing this 'we' word around and I don't see you doing anything. (Morris gets out his gun.) Morris: Wait. Prue: Darryl, no! (Morris goes up to the snake and rabbit. Prue astral projects in front of him.) Darryl, wait. Phoebe: Okay, I got it. Snake guy: (to Prue) Make us human. By the time we find your friends, they'll be dead. Phoebe: Okay. "Something wicked in our midst, in human form these spirits dwell..." Prue: Phoebe, no! (Prue astral projects back in her body.) Phoebe: "Make them animals sayth the spell." Prue: Phoebe, they hid the girls. Okay, we need to keep them human until we find out where they are. (Phoebe looks out of the alcove and sees everyone in the club has turned into animals.) Phoebe: Ohh! Prue: Okay, what's going on? Phoebe: Uh, the good news is the spell worked. Prue: And the bad news? Phoebe: The spell worked on everyone. (Prue and Piper look out of the alcove.) Piper: I don't have a permit for this kind of party. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Prue and Piper are putting the rabbit and snake in boxes.] Piper: (singing) Old McPiper had a farm... (They hear a cow moo.) Was that a moo? Phoebe, fix this. Phoebe: Rome was not built in a day, Piper. Piper: Yeah, but my club was ruined in a blink of an eye. Prue: At least we don't have to try and figure out what species our innocence are. Phoebe: Yeah, but if Tessa's right and they're not here, then what? Prue: Well, right before you cast the spell, the snake said something about if we don't make them human, then the girls will die. Piper: Okay, so how much time do we have? Phoebe: Tessa said the spell lasts for twenty-four hours and they cast it at midnight, so... Piper: That's in thirty-five minutes. Prue: Didn't Morris say something about the man's stolen car parked somewhere outside? Piper: Yeah, followed by the police who are on their way here right now. Phoebe: Okay, you know, I made this mess, let me clean it up. You guys have to find Brooke and Andrea because if my premonition was right... Piper: As they always are. Phoebe: And they probably were both bitten by that snake, which means that if they don't get medical attention they could die. Prue: Alright, we'll go try find something in the car, a hint that will lead us to them. Piper: Okay, Phoebe, you try and turn this room back and we will try to find the girls and... (A monkey kisses Phoebe on the cheek.) Phoebe: Um, uh... Piper: Go kiss someone else. Prue: Let's take these guys with us, make sure they don't turn human. (They pick up the boxes.) Piper: Are you sure we've got the right ones? Prue: Well, yeah, it was the only rabbit and snake next to each other. Phoebe: And the only two that put up a fight. (Prue and Piper start walking towards the door.) Whoa, they're fleeing. Piper, how about a little supernatural choral? (Piper freezes all the animals.) Thank you. (Prue and Piper leave.) Okay, I would like you all to know that I'm vegetarian, okay. I have never eaten any of you. [Cut to outside. Prue and Phoebe are carrying the boxes out to the car park.] Prue: Why do I have to carry the poisonous snake? Piper: Because you're the oldest. Prue: So? Piper: So you've lived a full life. Prue: Wait, you think that's the car over there? Piper: What, you want me to ask him? (She shakes the box.) Prue: You know what? You're a smart ass. Come on, we don't have much time. (They walk over to the car and puts the boxes on the ground.) [Cut back to Phoebe. The animals unfreeze. A dog starts eating Phoebe's herbs.] Phoebe: No! Bad dog. Icksnay on icklingay. Alright, you know what? Nobody bothers the witch, okay. If we all remain calm, I will have everything under control and back to normal, alright? [Cut back to Prue and Piper. They'd just finished looking in the car.] Piper: Nothing. Now what? Prue: Trunk. (Prue uses her power and opens the trunk. They see Brooke and Andrea there.) Oh my God. (Piper feels their pulse.) Piper: They have a pulse. It's still there but it's faint and we need to get them to the hospital now. Prue: Alright. [Cut back to Phoebe.] Phoebe: "Undo the magic acted here, reverse the spell so all is clear." (All the animals turn back into humans.) [Cut back to outside. The rabbit and snake turn back into humans as well. The snake grabs Piper. The rabbit goes over to Prue.] Prue: Piss off, Thumper! (She uses her power and he crashes into wooden boxes. The snake tries to bite Piper.) Oh, oh! Piper: What's happening? Prue: Phoebe reversed the spell. It must of worked on all the animals. Piper, hold on. (Prue uses her power and Piper and the snake fly through the air and hit the wall. The rabbit jumps on and she kicks him off. Piper grabs a long piece of wood and hits him between the legs.) Piper: How's it feel to be a man now? (She punches him in the face and knocks him out. The rabbit gets ready to scratch Prue and Piper freezes him.) What do you say we wake up Dr. Poison here and move him... move, uh, Thumper there right into his fangs. Prue: I've got a better idea. Come on. [Time lapse. A policeman is putting snake guy and the rabbit guy in the car.] Rabbit guy: At least we're human for good now. Snake guy: Shut up. (The car drives off. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are standing there.) Prue: So it looks like they got what they wanted. They get to be treated like humans. Phoebe: And caged like them too. (Morris comes up to them.) Morris: You three sure are re-writing my book on public service. Piper: So the girls are gonna be okay? Morris: Yeah. They're on their way to the hospital. I think you found them just in time. How did... I'm not even gonna ask. Prue: Remember when our biggest concern on valentines day was who to spent it with? Piper: Still is. Prue: Yeah, maybe for you. I was dateless tonight. Phoebe: Speaking of dates - don't I have one in there? [Cut to inside. Phoebe is dancing with Ethan and Prue and Piper are sitting at the bar.] Prue: You know, I never knew how exhausting not having a job could be. Piper: Table four needs to be bust. Prue: Okay, I'm serious. No, it's like having a job just sort of made this whole charmed thing less stressful. It gave me something else to worry about. Piper: So the Prue of old wins out after all. Prue: I like being busy. Piper: And why mess with a good thing? Prue: Yeah, I just need to find something that I love getting busy at. Piper: Speaking of getting busy, check out our little sister. (They watch Phoebe dancing with Ethan.) Prue: Oh, my. Just hope she doesn't do eighties dancing. I'm ready to go home. Bye. (She leaves.) [Cut to Phoebe and Ethan.] Ethan: Phoebe, there's something... Phoebe: Oh, no, in my teeth? (You see a feather in her hair. He takes it out.) Oh! That's, uh, that's-that's-that's really strange. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Dan and Piper are sitting at the bar.] Dan: You're not a beck and call kind of girl, I get that. Piper: I have a job that takes time, a family that takes time and making you and me work is gonna take time. I need to know that you're willing to deal with it with me. Dan: You know I am. As long as you realize who I am. Sometimes I get jealous. I wonder where you are, who you're with and that's me. You can't make me something I'm not. Work with me, yes but change me. (He shakes his head.) Piper: Relationships are hard work. Dan: Especially on an empty stomach. Do you think we can talk about this over dinner? Piper: Magic words. (They start walking towards the stairs.) Oh, I forgot my purse. I'll meet you outside. (She walks in the alcove and picks up her purse. A card is sticking out of it. She starts reading it.) Leo's voice: Piper, when we first met you thought I was just a handyman. Well, I'm just a handyman again. The sane guy you fell in love with. The same guy who fell in love with you. For who you are, not who I think you are. Remember that and know that I'm, not giving up. (Piper and Leo look at each other from across the room. They start walking towards each other. They meet up and start kissing. Then you see her standing there in the alcove. It was only a daydream. She looks over at Leo, they smile and she walks outside.)
Plan: A: Phoebe; Q: Who accidentally turns everyone at P3 into animals? A: a trio; Q: What group of animals were turned into guys for Valentine's Day? A: Valentine's Day; Q: When did Phoebe help her friends turn animals into guys? A: dates; Q: What do the girls want to do with the guys? A: a surprise; Q: What is everyone in for when the guys retain several killer animalistic qualities? A: the guys; Q: Who attacks innocent people? A: their animal forms; Q: What does Phoebe try to turn the guys back into? A: her free time; Q: What is Prue trying to adjust to now that she's unemployed? A: a hard time; Q: How do Piper and Dan feel about trying to have a romantic date now that Leo is working at the club? Summary: When Phoebe unknowingly helps some college friends turn a trio of animals into guys on Valentine's Day for dates, everyone is in for a surprise when the guys retain several killer animalistic qualities and start attacking innocent people. After the girls and their dates descend on P3, Phoebe accidentally turns everyone at the club into animals, in an attempt to turn the guys back into their animal forms. As Prue tries to adjust to her free time now that she's unemployed, Piper and Dan have a hard time trying to have a romantic date now that Leo is working at the club.
THE ICE WARRIORS by Brian Hayles first broadcast - 25th November 1967 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. GLACIER FACE (VARGA and hostage VICTORIA are watching the millennia-old ice melting around the WARRIOR. The ice around its torso has dissipated, leaving the warrior in ice from its stomach down. Attached to it is one of the power packs from the base.) VARGA: See. It is working. Zondal is coming to life. Zondal... Zondal... Zondal... (VARGA watches ZONDAL gradually becoming free. The sound of the ice cracking as it melts can be heard. From a safe distance, PENLEY watches the proceedings.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. IONISER CONTROL ROOM (THE DOCTOR and JAMIE are waiting at the side of the room for the mission to find the spaceship and VICTORIA to commence.) JAMIE: Wish me luck, Doctor. DOCTOR: You, take care of yourself Jamie, and keep an eye on Arden. I don't think he quite realises how dangerous this creature is. JAMIE: After what's happened here - he must be blind. DOCTOR: Well, he's a scientist and a bit inclined to have his head in the air. You know what they're like. JAMIE: Aye, I certainly do. (ARDEN and CLENT make their way over to the duo.) ARDEN: Are you all ready lad? JAMIE: Aye. Let's away. DOCTOR: Good luck. ARDEN: Now we don't know how many of them there are, so we'll have to tread carefully. CLENT: You will not expose yourself to any unnecessary violence, Arden? ARDEN: Now listen Clent, we both know that I'm responsible for what has happened. If I hadn't brought that creature back here in the first place, none of this would have occurred. I also caused the death of Davis, I can't forget that either. CLENT: Well you just remember your mission, that's all. And no wild sorties after the girl. It's vital that you get your information back to us immediately. JAMIE: Look, we'll not leave Victoria to the warriors, if that's what you mean. If there's half a chance of... CLENT: (Interrupting.) You will take your orders from Scientist Arden! Act according to your priorities, Arden. ARDEN: Come along, boy. CLENT: Arden. ARDEN: Yes? CLENT: (Sounding uncomfortable.) Er... don't be too hard on yourself. Scientists must question, you know. Um... I mean if, er... if I'd been in your shoes... I think I'd have done the same. I'd have... I'd have brought it back. So, anyway, good luck. (They begin to leave the room.) DOCTOR: Good luck Jamie! JAMIE: And you, Doctor. (ARDEN and JAMIE leave the control room.) CLENT: Well Doctor, let's see you go into action. I'll just get Miss Garrett to take you over the set-up here. DOCTOR: Er... Miss Garrett? Oh no, no. There's no need to go into formalities. CLENT: Miss Garrett? I like things done properly. Where is she? DOCTOR: Er, Clent, just remember - I am not a member of your staff. I'm just a working guest as you might say. CLENT: Yes, of course. But this is a formal establishment, and our regulations... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Your regulations do not apply to me. I work in my own way, freely. CLENT: I see, like Penley. Regulations seemed to bother him, too. Probably caused his eventual breakdown, in fact. DOCTOR: Breakdown? I thought you said he defected? CLENT: Did I? Well, one thing lead to another, naturally. He was under a great deal of pressure. Just er, too much for him, that's all. DOCTOR: Oh, I see. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. PLANT MUSEUM STORR: A creature growing out of the ice! Bahhh! PENLEY: I assure you that what I saw was very real - and terrifying. STORR: You've been out in the mountain too long. It takes some people that way - especially the brainy ones. PENLEY: Hmmm. Very well, don't believe me, but I still intend to find out. STORR: Ah well, you can leave me out of your fun and games. I've got enough troubles of my own. PENLEY: You're fit enough now - to do the cooking, at least - thanks to science. STORR: Science! Ach, it wasn't science, it was just good plain doctoring. (PENLEY suppresses a laugh.) STORR: And if you smirk again like that, I'll crack your head open with this! (He brandishes a knife.) PENLEY: Yes, you're definitely back to your normal witty self. STORR: Ach. (STORR gives PENLEY a look of alert.) PENLEY: What's the matter? STORR: (Whispering.) Someone's outside! PENLEY: They must have tracked me here from the base. Hide yourself - we don't want you carted off to Africa yet. (Looking around, PENLEY finds GARRETT.) PENLEY: You! GARRETT: I followed you. It's alright, I'm alone. PENLEY: What do you want? GARRETT: We're in desperate trouble at the base. You're the only one who can help us. PENLEY: Clent doesn't need me. All he wants is a mirror - preferably rose-tinted. GARRETT: He does need you - to make the ioniser work again. PENLEY: Is that all? GARRETT: No. He's faced with having to report the full situation to World Control. (PENLEY Laughs.) PENLEY: Now we're coming to it, aren't we? The great Clent would have to admit failure. That's it, isn't it? Poor old Clent. He never could face the music. Here, ah, what, ah, what about this creature at the glacier? GARRETT: It's only part of our trouble. The real problem is the ioniser. Will you come? PENLEY: It's typical of him to send you, instead of armed guards. GARRETT: He doesn't know I'm here. I'm asking you. PENLEY: I won't come. GARRETT: But you can't just step aside. A man like you - living like a scavenger. It's utterly wrong! Civilisation needs you. PENLEY: Jane, I chose this existence. I chose it because I refuse to be sucked into that computerised ant-heap you call a civilisation. I'm a man, not a machine. I will not return. GARRETT: Not even to save the world? (He laughs again.) PENLEY: Save the world? Well that has a fine Clentian ring to it. No thanks no. It'll take more than me to do that. But don't you worry. You don't get rid of my sort all that easily. Machines corrode and rust, but mankind goes on. You'll, you'll find Clent one of these days in a museum, like that ancient stove,... (He indicates the display in the museum.) PENLEY: ...with an inscription 'round him: "ROBOTISED HUMAN - MARK TWO: NOW EXTINCT". But you'll find others like me still alive. GARRETT: Surely Elric that's all the more reason to come back - to change things! PENLEY: Don't you understand Jane? Clent's just a talker. He's a glib political animal. Even if I did change things, the Clents of this world would still come out on top. Running things according to their own whims and indulgences. And the pity of it is, they believe they're right. GARRETT: Then you leave me no alternative. (She reveals a small gun.) GARRETT: You will come - and now! PENLEY: You must be desperate! But tranquillising me isn't going to make it any easier - you'd never be able to carry me all that way! STORR: No you don't! (STORR surprises GARRETT by attacking her with a knife. He knocks away her gun. PENLEY grabs it and turns it on her.) GARRETT: Who's this? PENLEY: Just a friend. Now what are you gonna do? GARRETT: Return to base, and wait for the inevitable disaster. STORR: Oh no you don't. I'm not having you set the dogs on me! I'll soon put an end to her game - give me that! (STORR tries to grab the gun off PENLEY.) PENLEY: Storr, no! She won't put us away. GARRETT: No, I won't. STORR: I don't trust any of 'em. GARRETT: Please trust me enough to come with me to safety. Apart from the danger of the glacier these creatures. PENLEY: Oh yes, your "ice warriors". Well, we shall just have to take our chance. No, I won't return. And now you must go. But, if the genius does have trouble with the ioniser, look up my notes on the omega factor. GARRETT: Thank you for that at least. (She leaves.) STORR: This ice warrior - it's real then. PENLEY: Oh yes. And I'm going up there again. STORR: But why, man? PENLEY: Because I must know. Now, put this knife to more sensible use. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. GLACIER FACE (VARGA has succeeded in resuscitating his fellow warriors. The crew members are ZONDAL, TUROC, RINTAN and ISBUR. VARGA addresses VICTORIA.) VARGA: If you value life, obey, and do not anger us. VICTORIA: (Terrified.) I... I want to go back to my friends. VARGA: Perhaps later. For the moment, you are useful to us. Zondal. ZONDAL: Commander. VARGA: You will locate our buried spaceship without delay. ZONDAL: That will not be difficult. VARGA: You will excavate sufficient space to form a cave. ZONDAL: A cave. VARGA: To act as a trap. VICTORIA: A, a trap? Who for? VARGA: Do not interfere. Your friends may attack us. VICTORIA: But, but they don't want to attack you. They could help you. VARGA: We do not need help. VICTORIA: You'd still be frozen and dead if it wasn't for us. VARGA: You are a child. VICTORIA: Oh, why won't you listen? VARGA: (To ZONDAL.) Commence. VICTORIA: What are you going to do with me? VARGA: (He laughs, a rasping sound.) Bait. Bait for the trap. (Again he laughs.) ZONDAL: Activate direction sensors. (The beeping noise VARGA uses to find his crew sounds again.) ZONDAL: Steady. (The beeping stops.) ZONDAL: Sonic gun ready. Set to wide impact. Take aim. Continuous... fire! (The distinctive shrill of the weapons firing again fills the air. The area explodes in a blast of broken ice, creating the desired cave. Again, PENLEY watches from a distance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. IONISER CONTROL ROOM (In the control room, THE DOCTOR is muttering to himself as he tries to solve the ionisers problems.) DOCTOR: If I was to reverse the sequence... to give a density ratio... where did I?... (He searches the piles of paper he has amassed.) DOCTOR: ...yes, here we are... if I reverse the sequence... to give a density ratio... excuse me... Excuse me! Yes... (CLENT comes over to reply to THE DOCTOR's cry.) CLENT: Genius at work, I see. (THE DOCTOR does not notice him.) CLENT: Good morning Doctor. DOCTOR: Mmm? (To himself.) Yes... CLENT: Well this is all very impressive, Doctor, but don't you think it'd be simpler to use a computer? DOCTOR: What computer? CLENT: The base computer. DOCTOR: Yes, er, they're useful for digital analysis, but I very rarely use them, except when I have to. (Suddenly THE DOCTOR is extremely urgent.) DOCTOR: There is one thing you could do to me - for me which would be very important! CLENT: Yes, yes, anything. What is it? DOCTOR: Lend me a pencil. (CLENT gives him a packet of pencils.) DOCTOR: Oh, that would be even better. CLENT: Doctor, would you mind explaining just what it is that you are... DOCTOR: (Talking over the top of CLENT.) Now, this is wrong... this is wrong. It's not right, there's something missing. Er... CLENT: Would these figures help? DOCTOR: Supposing I - what are they? CLENT: Data readings from the other bases. DOCTOR: Oh, computer checked, I hope? CLENT: (Proudly.) Of course. DOCTOR: Oh, thank heavens for that. (GARRETT enters the room.) GARRETT: Doctor, I found something here that I think you might... CLENT: (Interrupting.) Where have you been, Miss Garrett? Your instructions were to help the Doctor, were they not? GARRETT: Yes, Leader Clent. I have been looking up Scientist Penley's notes - these. Could these help? (She hands THE DOCTOR the notes.) DOCTOR: What are they? Omega... well what does he mean? Omega... what does he... wait a minute. Wait a minute! Yes! Yes of course the... the Omega Factor! There... and here... and, and there! Yes! Ha ha! Your friend Penley is very clever! CLENT: Is that it? DOCTOR: Yes! That's it! CLENT: (Sounding very relieved.) That's fantastic. DOCTOR: Oh, when you've been at it as long as I have it's nothing. GARRETT: Do you think it could possibly work? CLENT: It's very possible. DOCTOR: Possible? It's perfect! Well, it's nearly perfect. CLENT: We shall see. DOCTOR: Oh, it'll work, alright. CLENT: The computer will confirm that, I'm sure. DOCTOR: Computer? GARRETT: Well, everything's checked. DOCTOR: (Exploding.) I resent that! CLENT: Just normal practice, Doctor. DOCTOR: It should be the other way 'round! CLENT: We have to be quite sure. It'll only take a matter of seconds. Um, copy all this down, Miss Garrett, and then we can feed it through the computer and do a simulator run. I'll just go and set it up. (He leaves the discussion.) DOCTOR: I shall demand an apology, you know. GARRETT: We may not have time for that. DOCTOR: Well, I'm glad you had time to look up Penley's notes. GARRETT: Well I thought it might be useful. DOCTOR: Pity that he turned traitor. GARRETT: Clent might call him that, but he's still the most brilliant scientist we have. DOCTOR: Oh. Oh, it's nice to see he still has some friends in the base. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. GLACIER CAVE (ARDEN speaks into his wrist communicator in a hushed voice. The communicator makes a beeping sound.) ARDEN: Glacier task unit. Leader Clent, please. Leader Clent, please. [SCENE_BREAK] 7. IONISER CONTROL ROOM (CLENT and THE DOCTOR make their way over to the base's communicator - a large television screen.) CLENT: Clent here. Report. (The beeping stops.) ARDEN: (On the television screen in the base.) We've arrived at the glacier site. There's something strange. CLENT: What is? ARDEN: The ice face. It's been excavated, into a cave. DOCTOR: How? ARDEN: By some kind of tool, I think. CLENT: Is there any sign of a spacecraft? ARDEN: Yes. DOCTOR: There is? Where? ARDEN: Well at the back of the cave there's what looks like a metal door in the ice. [SCENE_BREAK] 8. THE SPACECRAFT (Inside the warriors spacecraft, they watch the conversation on a monitor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. GLACIER CAVE ARDEN: The place is apparently deserted. DOCTOR: Well make sure you don't go too near. CLENT: (To THE DOCTOR.) Excuse me. Take the necessary readings, and leave quickly, Arden. ARDEN: I'll take care. (ARDEN moves over to JAMIE.) JAMIE: What readings? ARDEN: Radiation, magnetic field and ion density. Won't take long. JAMIE: I don't fancy this place. (One of the warriors appears through the door. ARDEN and JAMIE do not notice it.) ARDEN: There's never been such a discovery as this! All my life... (The warrior shoots down ARDEN and JAMIE. VICTORIA appears through the door and is horrified by what she sees.) VICTORIA: (Emotionally, almost crying.) Argghh! No! Oh Jamie, no! What have you done to him?! You killed them! VARGA: It was necessary. VICTORIA: Oh, you're monsters! VARGA: Remove her - inside. (The warriors take her back inside the spacecraft.) VICTORIA: Oh, leave me alone! Oh, please! You've done enough! Please, leave me alone! I want to go back! Please! (There is a beeping sound. VARGA and ZONDAL remain outside.) ZONDAL: There may be more of them. VARGA: If more of them come, we will destroy them. If no more of them come, we will know there are not enough of them to resist us. ZONDAL: Let us destroy the girl now. VARGA: They came after her. She is obviously of some value to them. ZONDAL: Then they will try again. VARGA: We shall be ready for them. But first, Zondal, you have a task to complete. The propulsion unit. It must be made to function. Time is vital. You must succeed. ZONDAL: Yes, Commander. VARGA: Come. (Once VARGA and ZONDAL have left, PENLEY emerges from hiding. He examines PENLEY and JAMIE, and decides to carry JAMIE away with him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. IONISER CONTROL ROOM (CLENT walks into the room.) CLENT: We've just finished programming the computer. We shall have the result very quickly. DOCTOR: Isn't it about time that Arden and Jamie reported again? CLENT: Yes, that's true. But you know what Arden is, with his scientific curiosity. DOCTOR: Yes, very human. I'm worried about them too... (THE DOCTOR moves over to use the communicator. CLENT stops him.) CLENT: Yes, I'll do it if you don't mind. Leader Clent calling Scientist Arden. Arden? Do you receive me? DOCTOR: He's not answering. Yes, something has happened to them. CLENT: It looks as if he's... Arden. For heaven's sake man, come in! [SCENE_BREAK] 11. GLACIER CAVE (THE DOCTOR's face can be seen on the wrist communicator, which is lying in the snow.) DOCTOR: Jamie. Answer me! Jamie! What's happened? Jamie! Jamie! [SCENE_BREAK] 12. IONISER CONTROL ROOM DOCTOR: I will never forgive myself if anything's happened to Jamie. CLENT: What about this project with Arden missing? DOCTOR: Oh, your ioniser will work alright. CLENT: I hope so. I'm not sure that I trust your judgement yet, Doctor. DOCTOR: What do you mean - I'm only human? Well as a matter of fact... (GARRETT rushes into the room.) GARETT: (Interrupting the DOCTOR.) It works! DOCTOR: I told you it would. GARRETT: The equation works! DOCTOR: I told you it would. CLENT: Good. Good! Jolly good, success is at last possible. Inform all ioniser bases, Miss Garrett. Thank you Doctor, it's a triumph. (GARRETT exits the room.) DOCTOR: Very likely. But somewhere, out on that ice face, are two young people for whom I have considerable affection! That is no triumph! CLENT: I appreciate your feelings. I too, have lost a colleague. DOCTOR: They're not colleagues - they're friends! CLENT: But we cannot be sentimental in this situation, Doctor. Our mission continues, we must all play our part. DOCTOR: I've played mine, it's finished. CLENT: What a triumph. Europe saved, science the victor over nature, and it happened in my sector. Well, it's not the first time. (GARRETT re-enters the room, having completed notifying the other bases.) GARRETT: Now we can go ahead! It only needs programming. DOCTOR: Aren't you forgetting something? CLENT: I'm sorry, some lives are bound to be lost. DOCTOR: No no, I don't mean that. Arden - he's not yet completed his mission! GARRETT: Yes, of course. The spaceship reactor. We daren't proceed until we've heard from Arden! CLENT: Where is he, where is he, where is he? [SCENE_BREAK] 13. PLANT MUSEUM (PENLEY and STORR are nursing the injured JAMIE.) STORR: Did you have to bring him back here? Another mouth to feed! PENLEY: You may hate scientists, Storr, but there's no need to hate all human beings. STORR: I don't trust anyone from Clent's base. JAMIE: (Recovering consciousness.) Who are you? Where's Arden, what happened?! Oh, my head. PENLEY: Now you must rest, you're suffering from severe shock. Now just lie still. JAMIE: Well, where am I? STORR: Ah, never you mind. Somewhere safe. JAMIE: Well what happened to me? A... a... and Arden? PENLEY: Arden's dead. You were both shot down by the warriors. JAMIE: Arden dead? PENLEY: They used some sort of ray gun. JAMIE: So we failed. STORR: You came to rescue the girl? Is that it? JAMIE: You've seen Victoria!? Is she still alive!? PENLEY: Yes, she is alive. JAMIE: Then we can still save her! You will help me, please! PENLEY: Now you're not yet well enough. We'll discuss it later. JAMIE: No it'll be to late then. They might... (He groans with pain.) JAMIE: My head. No, you, you must help me save Vic... Victor... it'll be too... too late... (He drifts into unconsciousness.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. GLACIER CAVE (VICTORIA wanders outside the spaceship, and finds the wrist communicator. She tries to contact the base.) VICTORIA: Doctor. If only I could make this thing work! Th - this is Victoria, calling the Doctor, or, or Leader Clent. This is Victoria, please answer me. [SCENE_BREAK] 15. THE SPACECRAFT (The WARRIORS watch VICTORIA on their screen.) ZONDAL: The girl, Commander, she will betray us. VARGA: She has courage. But she is also very stupid, to think that we would not watch her every move. ZONDAL: She must be stopped. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. IONISER CONTROL ROOM (THE DOCTOR sees VICTORIA on the bases communicator.) DOCTOR: It's Victoria! Victoria! Where are you? VICTORIA: I... [SCENE_BREAK] 17. GLACIER CAVE VICTORIA: ...I don't know... [SCENE_BREAK] 18. IONISER CONTROL ROOM VICTORIA: ...some sort of cave. DOCTOR: Are you alright? VICTORIA: Yes, but, oh Doctor, something terrible's happened! DOCTOR: What? VICTORIA: They, they've shot Jamie and Arden! DOCTOR: What? Well, well is he dead? Is, is he wounded? Is he badly wounded? VICTORIA: I, I, I don't know. DOCTOR: What do you mean? VICTORIA: Well he, he, he's gone. [SCENE_BREAK] 19. GLACIER CAVE VICTORIA: Arden's body's still here, and he's dead, but the warriors are from Mars, and oh Doctor it's horrible! (She erupts into tears.) CLENT: Keep calm girl. We want facts. Tell us about the spacecraft first. VICTORIA: No, please just, please listen to me. Arden's dead, and, and Jamie's disappeared. [SCENE_BREAK] 20. IONISER CONTROL ROOM VICTORIA: Don't you understand? They're ruthless killers and they'll stop at nothing. Now please, listen to me. There's no time to lose. [SCENE_BREAK] 21. THE SPACECRAFT (THE WARRIORS prepare to fire their ships gun at VICTORIA.) VARGA: Ready to fire... [SCENE_BREAK] 22. GLACIER CAVE (The gun moves into position to kill VICTORIA.)
Plan: A: Arden; Q: Who accompanied Jamie to rescue Victoria? A: the Ice Warriors; Q: What group is now active? Summary: Jamie and Arden venture out to rescue Victoria only to find the rest of the Ice Warriors are now active.
Originally written by Alexa Junge. Transcribed by guineapig. [Pre-intro scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch] Rachel: That is IT! You just barge in here, you don't knock- Chandler: I'm sorry! Rachel: -You have no respect for anybody's privacy- Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait. Rachel: No, you wait! This is ridiculous! Chandler: Can I just say one thing? Rachel: What? What?! Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas. Rachel: Oh!! [She storms off] [Intro] [Scene 1: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with her boyfriend Roger, talking to Rachel and Monica] Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower. Roger: That's pretty much it. Phoebe: Oops! Roger: But you tell it really well, sweetie. Phoebe: Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk about you. Roger: Okay. I'll miss you. Phoebe: Isn't he great? Rachel: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much. Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know? Monica: So, you think you'll do it on his couch? Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's a little weird, y'know? Vinyl. Rachel: Okaaay. [To the guys, on the couch] Any of you guys want anything else? Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those- Rachel: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else? Chandler: Okay. Roger: Did I, uh, did I miss something? Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies. Ross: You what? Wh- what were you doing seeing her boobies? Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts. Rachel: Okay, okay, could we change the subject, please? Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are her breasts. Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change. Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies. Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice. Chandler: Okaaay, [Gestures] rock, hard place, me. Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be there when- when the laughter stops. Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that? Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance. Chandler: Huh. Roger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty. Chandler: Uh-huh, how did you know that? Roger: It's textbook. [Joey enters with his dad] Joey: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, right? All: Hey! Hey, Mr. Trib! Monica: Hey, how long are you in the city? Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job mid-town. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. [Sees Roger] I don't know this one. Phoebe: Oh, this is my friend Roger. Roger: Hi. Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger. Roger: You too, sir. Mr. Tribbiani: [To Phoebe] What happened to the, uh, puppet guy? Joey: Dad, dad. [Shakes his head] Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? [Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder] Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny! [Chandler stays stone-faced] [Scene 2: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Mr. Trib is on the phone] Mr. Tribbiani: Gotta go. I miss you too, I love you, but it's getting real late now- Joey: [Snatches the phone] Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? [To his dad] Did you know this isn't Ma? [His dad nods. Cut to later. Joey is chopping mushrooms] Mr. Tribbiani: Her name's Ronni. She's a pet mortician. Joey: Sure. So how long you been... [Goes back to chopping] Mr. Tribbiani: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships? Joey: Since then?! Mr. Tribbiani: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love? Joey: ...I d'know. Mr. Tribbiani: Then y'haven't. You're burning your tomatoes. Joey: You're one to talk. [Puts the mushrooms in a saucepan] Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women. Joey: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma. Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you. [Scene 3: Monica and Rachel's] Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the CIA. [Considers] That'd be cool.... This blows! Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? [She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest] Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... [Notices Chandler] Why can't you stop staring at my breasts? Chandler: [Without looking up] What? [Looks up] What? Rachel: Did you not get a good enough look the other day? Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your pee-pee. Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening? Rachel: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat. Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat'. [Door buzzer goes] Monica: Hello? Phoebe: (Intercom) It's Phoebe. Roger: (Intercom) And Rog. Monica: C'mon up. Chandler: [Sarcastic] Oh, good. Rog is here. Joey: What's the matter with Rog? Ross: Yeah. Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy. Ross: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad. [Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset] Ross: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if I thought on any level that-that she was a lesbian? Roger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail. Ross: Why? Why would I- why? Why? Why? Why? Roger: I don't know. Maybe- maybe low self-esteem, maybe- maybe to compensate for overshadowing a sibling, maybe you- Monica: Waitwait, go back to that sibling thing. Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents. Ross: That- that's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures! Monica: Oh! So you think I'm a failure! Phoebe: Isn't he good? Ross: Nonono, that-that's not what I was saying... Monica: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better! Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good! [Cut to later. Rachel is in tears] Rachel: You're right! I mean- you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and- and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in. Roger: That's tough. Tough stuff. C'mon, Pheebs, we're gonna catch that movie, we gotta get going. Phoebe: Oh, okay. Feel better, Rachel, 'kay? Roger: Geez, we're gonna be late, sweetie... Phoebe: Oh, okay. Listen, thanks for everything, Mon. Monica: You're welcome. Roger: Listen guys, it was great seeing you again. Mon, um, easy on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just food, they're not love. [He shuts the door and Ross and Monica fling cookies at it] Monica: Hate that guy! [Throws another cookie] [Scene 4: The hall. Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's] Joey: Night, you guys. [They notice that a woman is sitting by their door] Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered. Joey: Hey. Can, uh, can we help you? Ronni: Oh, no thanks, I'm just waiting for, uh, Joey Tribbiani. Joey: I'm Joey Tribbiani. Ronni: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter than your pictures! [Joey stares at her] I-I'm, I'm Ronni....Cheese Nip? Chandler: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know? [Commercial] [Scene 5: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around] Ronni: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose. Like, chasing their tail, [Demonstrates] or, uh, jumping to catch a frisbee. Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys. Ronni: That's a good one! [Enter Joey's dad] Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, Joe. Joey: Dad, Ronni's here. Mr. Tribbiani: Huh? Ronni: Hi. Mr. Tribbiani: Hey! Hello, babe! Wh- what're- what're you doing here? Ronni: Oh, uh, well, you left your good hair at my apartment, I figured you'd need it tomorrow for your meeting. [Hands him the hair] Mr. Tribbiani: Thank you. Uh... Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk? Ronni: Look, I uh, I shouldn'ta come. I-I'd better get going, I don't wanna miss the last train. Mr. Tribbiani: I don't want you taking that thing. Ronni: Oh, where'm I gonna stay, here? Joey: Whoah-ho. Mr. Tribbiani: We'll go to a hotel. Ronni: [Shrugs] We'll go to a hotel. Joey: No you won't. Ronni: No we won't. Joey: If you go to a hotel you'll be.. doing stuff. I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you. Mr. Tribbiani: You're gonna keep an eye on us? Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend. Ronni: Wow. He's strict. Joey: Now dad, you'll be in my room, Ronni- uh, you can stay in Chandler's room. Ronni: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid. Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by 'No thanks, it's late'. Joey: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough. Mr. Tribbiani: What kinda change? Joey: Well, either you break it off with Ronni- Mr. Tribbiani: I can't do that! Joey: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right! Mr. Tribbiani: Yeah, but this is- Joey: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room! [Scene 6: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofa-bed in the living room. Joey is restless] Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing? Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear. Chandler: Well, you're gonna. Joey: I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls... Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes? Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking... Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave? Joey: No. Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say- 'No thanks, I'm married'. Joey: You really think so? Chandler: Yeah. I really do. Joey: Thanks, Chandler. [Snuggles up to him] Chandler: Get off! [Scene 7: Monica and Rachel's, morning. Someone knocks on the door and Monica gets it] Ronni: Hi. Monica: Hi...May I help you? Ronni: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, Chandler's in ours? Monica: Okay...who are you? Ronni: Oh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rappelano? The mistress? Monica: Oh, c'mon in. Ronni: Thanks. Rachel: Hi, I'm Rachel. Ronni: Hi. Rachel: Bathroom's up there. Ronni: Great. Rachel: Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say Chandler's been in the shower? Ronni: Oh, like, uh, five minutes? Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's pee-pee time. [She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment, where Mr. Trib is reading the paper] Hey, Mr. Trib. Mr. Tribbiani: Hey. Morning, dear. [SCENE_BREAK] [Rachel goes up to the door of their bathroom] Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing. [She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They both scream] Joey: [Runs out in a towel] What's the matter with you?! Rachel: I thought it was Chandler! Chandler: [Comes out of his room] What? What? Rachel: You were supposed to be in there so I could see your thing! Chandler: Sorry, my- my thing was in there with me. [Scene 8: Central Perk. Phoebe enters] All: Hey, Pheebs. Phoebe: Hey. Monica: How's it going? Phoebe: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted me to invite you guys. [Chandler laughs] Phoebe: So what's going on? Monica: Nothing, um, it's just, um... It's Roger. Ross: I dunno, there's just something about... Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's... Rachel: We hate that guy. All: Yeah. Hate him. Ross: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry. Phoebe:Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe, though, it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out? All: ...No, we hate him. Rachel: We're sorry. [Cut to Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is trying to turn the sofa-bed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him] Joey: Ma! What're you doing here? Mrs. Tribbiani: I came to give you this [Gives him a bag of groceries] and this. [Whacks him round the ear] Joey: Oww! Big ring! Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. [She gives the sofa-bed a tiny push and it folds away] Joey: Hold on, you-you knew? Mrs. Tribbiani: Of course I knew! Whaddyou think? Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard some of his cover stories. 'I'm sleeping over at my accountant's'- I mean, what is that? Please! Joey: So then- how could you- I mean, how could you?!- Mrs. Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has a hobby. Joey: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about you? Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary. Joey: I'm...happy...for you? Mrs. Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now everything's screwed up. I just want it the way it was. Joey: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd want. Mrs. Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her? Joey: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is. Mrs. Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her? Joey: With this ring? No contest. [Scene 9: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with Roger] Roger: What's wrong, sweetie? Phoebe: Nothing, nothing. Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon. [Pats his leg. She lies down and rests her head in his lap] Phoebe: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't. Roger: Oh. They don't. Phoebe: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little... Roger: What? Phoebe: Intense and creepy. Roger: Oh. Phoebe: But I don't. Me, Phoebe. Roger: Well, I'm not- I'm not at all surprised they feel that way. Phoebe: You're not? See, that's why you're so great! Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'. [Cut to Monica and Rachel's] Monica: So you talked to your dad, huh. Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today. Rachel: Wow. Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain. Ross: So Joey, you okay? Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just- parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes. Rachel: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into them. Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom. [Enter Phoebe] Phoebe: Hey. All: Hey, Pheebs. Monica: How's it going? Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger. All: Awww. Phoebe: Yeah, right. All: Aaawwwwww!! Rachel: What happened? Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy! [Closing credits] [Credits scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters] Phoebe: Hey, Joey. What's going on? Joey: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green. [He goes into the bathroom. We hear a scream and he comes out, closely followed by Monica in a towel] Monica: Joey!! What the hell were you doing?! Joey: Sorry. Wrong boobies. [He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door] Monica: Hello, Joey. [She whips back the curtain to reveal Joey's dad] Mr. Tribbiani: Oh! ...Hello, dear. [She whips the curtain shut in horror]
Plan: A: Rachel; Q: Who accidentally sees Chandler topless after her shower? A: even the score; Q: What does Rachel try to do by seeing Chandler naked? A: Monica; Q: Who accidentally surprises Joey's father in the shower? A: his father's affair; Q: What does Joey have to decide whether or not to hide from his mother? A: Phoebe; Q: Whose new boyfriend is Roger? A: an irritating psychiatrist; Q: What is Roger's profession? A: Fisher Stevens; Q: Who plays Roger? A: the gang; Q: What does Roger make uncomfortably accurate assessments about? Summary: Chandler accidentally sees Rachel topless after her shower, and a chain reaction of nudity ensues when she tries to even the score by seeing him naked. She instead catches Joey naked, who then sees Monica unclothed, who accidentally surprises Joey's father in the shower. Joey has to decide whether or not to hide his father's affair from his mother, though she already knows and wants everything to stay as it is. Everyone dislikes Phoebe's new boyfriend, an irritating psychiatrist named Roger ( Fisher Stevens ), who makes uncomfortably accurate assessments about the gang.
LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is waking up LUCAS (in the mind) : Lindsey. She's the first thing I think about every day. "How is she?" "Does she miss me like I miss her?" "How do I get her back?" And then another day without her begins. PEYTON'S BEDROOM Peyton is waking up PEYTON (in the mind) : Lucas. JAMIE'S BEDROOM Jamie is waking up JAMIE (in the mind): Chester. BROOKE'S BEDROOM Brooke is waking up BROOKE (in the mind): Brooke. Oh, my God. I have to pee. (She gets up in a hurry) SKILL'S BEDROOM Skill is waking up SKILLS (in the mind): What day is it? What time is it? What the hell did I drink last night? MOUTH'S BEDROOM Mouth is waking up MOUTH (in the mind): Mmm, Millicent... you smell so good. I have to go to work. Sure, I guess I can be a little late. What do you mean I'm fired? I wasn't even that late! How am I gonna pay my rent? Would you like fries with that, Sir?" NATHAN AND HALEY'S BEDROOM Haley and Nathan are waking up HALEY (in the mind): Jamie. NATHAN (in the mind): Jamie. God, my girl is hot. HALEY : Morning. NATHAN : Morning. (They want to kiss put Jamie's feet are on the way) NATHAN : You know, I'm hungry this morning. HALEY : I am starving. (They start eating Jamie's feet) DAN'S HOUSE Dan is on his couch. We hear a gun shot. He wakes up. DAN (in the mind): Keith. NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan enters the kitchen. Haley and Jamie are already there NATHAN : Smells good in here. HALEY : Yeah, I made some french toast. NATHAN : Nice. JAMIE : It's totally good, daddy. HALEY : It's totally good. NATHAN : That's not what I meant, but that smells good, too. (Nathan kisses Haley) HALEY : Good morning. NATHAN : What's your day like? JAMIE : Mostly just playing. HALEY : My day's not bad either. I'm just gonna finish grading these papers and then go over to see Peyton for a little bit, and then you and I have to interview the N-A-N-N-I-E-S. JAMIE : I hate it when you spell. HALEY : Don't say, "hate." JAMIE : Sorry. I just think it's D-U-M. NATHAN : Add a "B" to the end of that, or you will be, too. Jamie, what do you think about going to practice with me today? JAMIE : Can I? NATHAN : I don't know. It's a big step. What do you think, mom? HALEY : Please be careful. JAMIE : Sweet! I'll go get my jersey. Thanks, mama. I L-O-V-E you! HALEY : I L-O-V-E you, too, smarty-pants. NATHAN : Kids got your brains. I just figured out that you were spelling "nannies." HALEY : Whatever. They're getting here at 5:00, by the way. And if you run into Quentin at practice, will you tell him he's doing a really great job with his chapter reports on "Les Mis"? NATHAN : That's good. Now if only he could figure out his jump shot. I'll see ya. HALEY : Bye, baby. LUCAS' COACH OFFICE Skills is sitting at the desk. Lucas arrives. LUCAS : That desk looks good on you, coach. SKILLS : Welcome back, coach Scott. So, how my boy doing? LUCAS : Boy's good. Sorry I was out of touch for so long. SKILLS : Hey, you got to do what you got to do, right? I just wish I was able to help you somehow. LUCAS : You did. You ran the team for the last month. How they doing? SKILLS : You know. You win some. You lose some. LUCAS : And how many "some" did you lose? INSIDE TREE HILL GYM Lucas and Skills are watching the board LUCAS : You lost eight games? SKILLS : Yeah, but we won four. Well, three plus the first one, but you was here for that one. Look, I know this is not what you was hoping for. And I'm taking all the blame for this. But I'm gonna keep it real with you. "Q" sucks, and it's all his fault. I mean, he ain't hit a shot since you left. LUCAS : Because they're doubling him. SKILLS : No. His hand is messed up. I mean, we ice it constantly, but it just ain't been right since he punched that knucklehead over at Tric. LUCAS : What's "Q" say? SKILLS : He said he had it checked out. LUCAS : All right. I'll talk to him. SKILLS : See, that's the thing. He asked me not to say nothing to you about this. He think the injury gonna cost him a scholarship. LUCAS : What's gonna cost him a scholarship, is playing injured and going 4-8. SKILLS : Yeah. LUCAS : Let's get him in here. (Jamie and Nathan enter the gym) JAMIE : Uncle Lucas! LUCAS : Hey! There's the man! (Jamie runs to Lucas) LUCAS : I missed you, boy. JAMIE : Daddy said you were on a ship. Did you see any pirates? LUCAS : Yeah, I saw a couple pirate ships, but they didn't want any part of me. You want to show me your jump shot? All right. NATHAN : Welcome back, Luke. You good? LUCAS : I'm working on it. BOYS APARTMENT Mouth opens his mail MOUTH : Oh, my God. CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke is about to leave the store. Millicent is there. BROOKE : Oh, my God. The Macy's presentation! I forgot! MILLICENT : I remembered. It's all right here. We just need your design sketches. (She gives her a folder) BROOKE : Thank you. You have really stepped up, especially with you-know-who out of the picture. But... MILLICENT : But what? Am I in trouble? BROOKE : No. I was actually thinking that you are way too valuable to just be my assistant anymore, so how would you feel about a little raise and a little promotion? MILLICENT : Oh, my gosh! I don't know what to say. What's my title gonna be? Something cool, I hope. BROOKE : We'll figure all that out, but we have to get you back to New York first. (The phone rings. Brooke takes it) BROOKE : Clothes Over Bro's. This is she. Oh. No. Absolutely, I can. I mean, I will. Yes. Thank you. (She hang up, totally in shock) MILLICENT : Brooke, I'm so happy, really, but... I'm not sure I can go back to New York. BROOKE : That's okay. Change of plans. I'm gonna need you here. MILLICENT : Oh? Oh, good! Why? What's wrong? BROOKE : I'm gonna be a mom. MILLICENT : Brooke, I don't understand. What do you mean? BROOKE : That was the lady from the agency. MILLICENT : Who said she wouldn't recommend you for adoption? BROOKE : She said it's like a special case, like a foster-care thing. (Brooke is trying to put the folder in her purse) BROOKE : Oh, my... I have to get ready, and I can't get this in my bag! MILLICENT : Okay. First of all, you don't need this. What do you need? What can I help you with? BROOKE : I don't know. I've never had a baby. I don't know what babies need. I just... I have to go, and I cannot get this in my bag! MILLICENT : Once again, you don't need this. Now, just calm down. BROOKE : Okay, where are my keys? MILLICENT : They're in your hand. But I'm not sure you should be driving. Let me get you some water. BROOKE : Millicent. They're giving me a baby. INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Nathan and Jamie are watching the jerseys on the wall JAMIE : There's something missing up on the wall. NATHAN : There used to be another one. JAMIE : What was it? NATHAN : That was your grandfather's jersey. JAMIE : Grandpa Dan? Why'd they take it down? NATHAN : Because of the bad things he did. People decided they didn't want it up there anymore. JAMIE : You do bad things sometimes, daddy, and yours is still up there. NATHAN : Not that bad. (Quentin enters the gym) QUENTIN : Ho, ho! There he is! QUENTIN (rap singing) : "I said it's J. Luke Scott. The boy is hot Wherever he goes, homey, that's the spot" JAMIE (rap singing) : "His name is "Q", he's better than you If the spot is hot, then he's there, too" QUENTIN : My man. NATHAN (rap singing) : Yeah. "I'm the dad and I'm not so bad" (Nathan stops as Quentin and Jamie stare at him) (Lucas and Skills arrive) LUCAS : Ah. Mr. Fields. QUENTIN : Well, well. The prodigal coach returns... and rockin' a tan to boot. What's going on, coach? You trying to get all dark and sexy like me? LUCAS : It's good to see you, too. (Lucas wants to shake Quentin's hand) QUENTIN : Aw, man. Come on, now, coach. You know how we roll. Even big game James know that. LUCAS : Yeah, I know, but this is how I roll. (Lucas shakes his hand, which hurts Quentin) PEYTON'S OFFICE Peyton has few demos on her desk and is listening to some. Haley walks in HALEY : Hey, knock, knock. PEYTON : Hey, foxy, what's up? HALEY : I like that outfit. PEYTON : Oh, thank you. There are perks to having a very famous designer as a roommate. You get tons of free stuff. Speaking of, check out all these demos. HALEY : Wow. Looks like things are picking up, huh? PEYTON : Well, mostly because your instincts are pretty kick-ass, Haley James Scott. Mia's album is killing it. And are you ready for this? She has sold... 40,000 copies! HALEY : Wow! That's great! That's really great! She... she's really the kind of girl that deserves it, you know? PEYTON : I know. Now I just need to find another one. HALEY : Well, I already did... you. You deserve all the success you're getting and more, and I'm really proud of you. PEYTON : Thanks, Haley. That really... that means a lot to me coming from you. HALEY : That was just to butter you up, 'cause I need to ask you for a favor. PEYTON : You are a crack-up. What is it? Anything. HALEY : So, you know how you're looking for the next great artist and you really trust my instincts and everything? PEYTON : Do you have a demo for me? HALEY : I do. PEYTON : Haley, that's awesome. Who is it? HALEY : Haley James Scott. (Peyton throws all the demos) PEYTON : Yes. INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Lucas is checking Quentin's hand QUENTIN : Look, man, the doc says it's gonna be a little swollen from time to time. Why y'all sweatin' it so hard? LUCAS : Because we're 4-8. QUENTIN : Maybe that's 'cause of the coaching. NATHAN : Easy. QUENTIN : Look, I'm just sayin', man. One of them disappeared for a month. The other one can't be trusted. LUCAS : All right. (Lucas takes two basketballs) LUCAS : I want you to palm these. QUENTIN : Please. (Quentin holds the balls few seconds) QUENTIN : There. You happy? LUCAS : Not quite. Palm the balls... and hold them there. QUENTIN : For how long? LUCAS : I don't know. 30 seconds? Shouldn't be a problem, right? QUENTIN : I do this, and all this nonsense goes away. LUCAS : 30 seconds. (Quentin starts holding the balls) LUCAS : You see, the thing is, "Q," it's not so much that we're 4-8. SKILLS : We're 4-8, and you shooting like trash. QUENTIN : That's 'cause they doubling me, man. NATHAN : Double-teams never bothered you before. LUCAS : See, you're one of the best shooters I've ever seen, "Q," when you're healthy. The other ones... they're right here in the gym. JAMIE : Even me, uncle Lucas? LUCAS : Especially you, Jamie. See, you and Quentin are the best shooters we got. (Quentin drops the balls) LUCAS : When you're healthy. Nothing like a second opinion. And this time, we'll come with you. Go. (Quentin leaves the gym, angry) CLOTHES OVER BROS Mouth enters the shop. Millicent comes toward him MILLICENT : I have news, boyfriend. I might be getting a promotion and staying in Tree Hill! MOUTH : I might be getting a promotion and leaving Tree Hill. MILLICENT : What? Why? MOUTH : Before I got the job with the station, I sent audition tapes everywhere. There's a good station in Omaha, they saw the Ravens feature I did, and... they're offering me a job. MILLICENT : In Nebraska? MOUTH : Yeah. MILLICENT : The nearest Clothes Over Bro's location to Omaha is this one. MOUTH : Yeah, I figured. MILLICENT : Well, is it really that much better than where you're at, Marvin? I mean, like you said, you've already done one feature here. Maybe you'll get to do more. MOUTH : Maybe, but it was really just 'cause they were in a bind. This would be a full-time on-air position. It's a small market, but it's a great opportunity. MILLICENT : You should take it. MOUTH : But... MILLICENT : If it gets you closer to your dream, then you should take it. MOUTH : I don't think it's that easy. MILLICENT : Why not? MOUTH : Because you're part of my dream, too. Milly, I know we just started out, but I love being with you, and I... I guess I was hoping we had a future... together. Was that too early? Did I freak you out? I freaked you out, didn't I? MILLICENT : No. No, no, no, no. There is no way those words could have been too early... not coming from you. (She kisses him) MILLICENT : Just promise me that if you do take the job that I can have your room, because I'd really like to find a place to stay that's not pay-by-the-day. PEYTON'S OFFICE Peyton and Haley are listening to Haley's demo HALEY : I know it's really rough, but I was thinking... PEYTON : Yes. HALEY : But it's okay if you want... PEYTON : Will you stop? The answer is yes, okay? I've been waiting for the opportunity to buy the next Haley James record, so of course I want to record it. HALEY : It might be kind of fun, huh? PEYTON : Well, you did have a major-label debut that did pretty good, so it is good business for me, but, yes, it's gonna be a blast. HALEY : Yeah. PEYTON : What do you say? HALEY : I say it's exactly what I need right now. PEYTON : Well, guess what. Me too. HALEY : What? PEYTON : I mean, you never know where the next miracle's gonna come from. (The phone rings) PEYTON : It's Brooke. (Peyton puts the phone on speaker) HALEY : Hey, Brooke! PEYTON : Hey, what's going on? BROOKE (on the other side) : It's a miracle! PEYTON : Yeah. We just said that. What, did you bug my office? A STORE While on the phone with Peyton and Haley, Brooke is buying some stuff BROOKE : They're giving me a baby! PEYTON'S OFFICE PEYTON : Hold on. What? HALEY : What? A STORE BROOKE : The lady from the agency called this morning, and they're sending me... (She sees a plush) BROOKE : A purple monkey? PEYTON'S OFFICE PEYTON : You're adopting a purple monkey? A STORE BROOKE : No, not adopting and not a monkey. I'll explain it all later. Peyton, how crazy is this? PEYTON'S OFFICE PEYTON : No, Brooke, honey, that's awesome. God, Haley and I thought we had big news. BROOKE (on the other side) : Why? What's your news? HALEY : We're gonna make an album together. A STORE BROOKE : Oh, whatever. I'm getting a baby. I have to go. I'll call you later. Excuse me. PEYTON'S OFFICE HALEY : Wow. Today's kind of fun. INSIDE THE HOSPITAL Quentin just has a cast done. Lucas, Skills, Nathan and Jamie are with him LUCAS : Listen, I know it looks grim, but we'll have that thing off by the Playoffs. QUENTIN : Playoffs? Man, we 4-8. LUCAS : Hey, we're gonna figure it out. All right? Just, uh, hang in there. QUENTIN : Yeah, I'd like to speak to coach Taylor, if you don't mind... alone. LUCAS : We'll be downstairs. NATHAN : "Q," keep your head up, all right? (Lucas Nathan and Jamie leave) SKILLS : Listen, kid... QUENTIN : Thanks for nothing, man. I trusted you, all right? I put my ass on the line for you every single night, man. SKILLS : Quentin, you needed this. QUENTIN : I needed this?! I... you know, I needed a scholarship. I needed you to keep your mouth shut. That's what I needed. But you went all uncle Tom on me as soon as massa Lucas got back, huh? SKILLS : You know what? When your wrist heals and everything's okay, I'm gonna let you take that back. But for now... just consider yourself lucky. Nathan, Lucas and Jamie are in the elevator. The door opens and Dan is there JAMIE : Hi, grandpa. DAN : Hi, Jamie. (He walks into the elevator) DAN : You boys want to jump me again, now's your chance. OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL Dan is leaving, Nathan catches up with him NATHAN : We're not having this. DAN : Not having what, son? NATHAN : You following Jamie around. I've seen you outside of the school. I've seen you driving past the house. And now you just happen to be at the hospital? DAN : Nathan, stop. I was in prison for a long time, okay? I was just getting a checkup. But the truth is, I was hoping... NATHAN : No. Don't, Dan. Don't hope. You hear me? There's no hope for you. INSIDE THE HOSPITAL Lucas and Jamie are sitting on the stairs. JAMIE : I guess I just don't understand. Grandpa Dan seems nice. How come everyone's always mad at him? LUCAS : You love Chester, don't you? (Jamie nods) LUCAS : Well, what if grandpa Dan hurt Chester and took him away so you could never see him again? JAMIE : I guess I would be really mad at him... and sad, too. LUCAS : Yeah. Well, that's how we feel. BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE There are toys all over the place. Brooke is on the phone BROOKE : I just think that's kind of an awful thing to say. Yes, I'm mad. Oh, you don't think I should be mad? I thought I was just gonna have one baby in my life, but fine. (Peyton and Haley arrive) BROOKE : I have to go. PEYTON : Holy cow! BROOKE : Stupid Owen. A little baby talk, and he totally freaks out. HALEY : Nothing like foisting a baby on a guy you've almost kissed. PEYTON : And a confirmed bachelor, at that. What'd he say? BROOKE : Whatever. He's gonna come over later, and we're gonna talk about it or fight about it, but it doesn't matter because baby and Brooke are gonna be fine. HALEY : Yeah, I think "baby and Brooke" needs a little explanation... like who, when, and how, for starters. BROOKE : Okay. So, the adoption agency has this program where babies from other countries who need major surgeries and stuff come over to the U.S. and doctors donate their time to fix them up and then they go home. PEYTON : That's great! BROOKE : It's kind of a "whenever they can squeeze you in" sort of thing, and the agency had a family that was supposed to host the baby drop out, so they said this could be a great trial run for me. PEYTON : When does the baby show up? HALEY : Is it a boy or a girl? PEYTON : And are his parents coming, too? (Peyton and Haley are talking at the same time) BROOKE : Okay. She's a girl, and she gets here tomorrow. Her parents don't come with her, they didn't tell me what's wrong with her. They're just sort of gonna hand her over, and we go from there. And check it out. I got her... a purple monkey like the one I used to have. HALEY : That's so cute! And did you get her anything else? BROOKE : Yeah, I got all this stuff. HALEY : I mean, like, you know... food... PEYTON : Or, I mean, a crib. HALEY : And stuff. BROOKE : I got a little sidetracked? HALEY : Okay. Why don't we go to my house and go through Jamie's old things? BROOKE : Really? HALEY : Yes. PEYTON : Come on, you purple monkey. HALEY : I'm so excited! BROOKE : Me too. CLOTHES OVER BROS Mouth arrives at the store. Millicent is on the computer MOUTH : Hey, what you doin'? MILLICENT : Looking for places to live. MOUTH : Well, stop, because I've found you a place. With me. I passed on the Omaha job. MILLICENT : Marvin... MOUTH : I feel like I'm good at what I do, Millicent, and I'll just work hard and hope the station gives me another shot. MILLICENT : Are you sure? MOUTH : That I'm doing the right thing? I don't know. But about us? Yeah. I'm sure. I don't want to leave you, Millicent. But you said you needed a place to stay, and I thought... you should move in with me. MILLICENT : But... I can't. I mean... MOUTH : Look, I know it's soon, but you'll save a fortune on rent, and you'll get to see me every day. I mean, what do you say? MILLICENT : I'd like to, but I just can't. Sorry. But I'm really glad you're staying. NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Haley is collecting some stuff with Brooke BROOKE : Haley, thank you. This is great. HALEY : Sure. Listen, have you given any thought to how difficult it's gonna be to give this baby up after the surgery? You know you're gonna fall for her, Brooke. BROOKE : I know. But she needs help, right? HALEY : Yeah. (Nathan and Jamie come home) NATHAN : Hey. What's going on? BROOKE : Hi. JAMIE : Hi, aunt Brooke! BROOKE : Hi, best boy ever! I have a surprise for you. JAMIE : What is it? PEYTON : I found the car seat. (Peyton enters the room as the same time as Lucas) BROOKE : Surprise. IN THE STREETS Lucas and Peyton are taking a walk PEYTON : So, it must have been good to spend time with your mom and Lily and Andy. LUCAS : Yeah. I think we all needed it. Plus, the view wasn't too bad, either. PEYTON : I'm sure it was beautiful. LUCAS : So, you and Haley are gonna make a record, huh? That's great. PEYTON : Actually, I was meaning to ask you... it's totally cool if you say no, but I was thinking, to cut down on studicosts, maybe I would build a small studio in the office. But it's your space, so... LUCAS : I think that's a great idea. I mean, I'll ask my mom, but, yeah, I think it's smart. (After a blank) LUCAS : I don't blame you, Peyton. PEYTON : Luke... LUCAS : At all for any of it. PEYTON : I feel bad for you, I feel bad for Lindsey, and I feel responsible somehow. And I really hope that doesn't come off as arrogant, okay? But I know this hurt you. LUCAS : She's coming back, Peyton. She loves me. And I love her. It's gonna be okay. PEYTON : I hope so. BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE Brooke is alone, looking at the crib and the purple monkey when someone knocks at the door BROOKE : It's open. (Chase walks in) CHASE : That kid's a lot hairier than I thought he'd be. BROOKE : Very funny. And "he" is gonna be a "she." I guess you talked to Owen. CHASE : Yep. How you doin'? BROOKE : Okay. A little freaked out but okay. Is he with you? CHASE : No. BROOKE : Weird. He's coming over soon. CHASE : Actually, he's not. That's kind of why I'm here. BROOKE : Okay. CHASE : You know, Brooke, Owen's my friend, and I know he's really into you, but... he's just kind of always been about his independence, too, you know? BROOKE : I guess I didn't know. CHASE : He's just a little threatened with all the baby stuff. BROOKE : Yeah, he said that on the phone. Look, did he send you over here to talk to me? Are we in junior high now? CHASE : He didn't send me over, and he's not coming by either. BROOKE : Then why did you? CHASE : Well... I'm taking off. I thought I'd say goodbye and congratulations. And maybe I want to see your face one more time. Probably why Owen's not coming by. BROOKE : What is that supposed to mean? CHASE : Well, he probably figures if he looked in those eyes one more time, he'll cave on the whole independence thing. Anyways, call me if you need anything... someone to talk to, new carpets... I don't know, a husband... I'll see you around. (Chase starts to leave) CHASE : Hey, Brooke? Don't take the Owen stuff too personally. BROOKE : I won't. CHASE : Yeah, you will. I know how you are. It's... it's just a big deal. It's kids. I mean I know it's just one, but if you really want a family, something that's like forever... "forever" scares a lot of us. (Chase leaves) BOYS APARTMENT Mouth opens the door to Millicent MOUTH : Hi MILLICENT : Hi. Can I talk to you? MOUTH : Sure. Come on in. (She comes in) MOUTH : What's... what's wrong? MILLICENT : Hum... Maybe nothing... I hope. MOUTH : Okay, just have a seat. What's up? (She starts sitting) MILLICENT : Well, I think I'll stand. Actually, do you have something to drink... some water or an apple martini with a cherry, if you have it? MOUTH : Okay, you're kind of freaking me out. The last time someone entered the apartment like this, it was Skills, and he thought he'd killed Chester. MILLICENT : Jamie's bunny? MOUTH : Yeah, but it turns out he was just, like, a really heavy sleeper, apparently. MILLICENT : Well, it's not that. It's just I know I sort of freaked you out when you asked me to stay here, and, well, there's a reason. MOUTH : Great. I knew it. MILLICENT : What? MOUTH : I figured this was just too good to be true. (Mouth is pouring some alcohol to Millicent) MILLICENT : There's just a reason we can't sleep in the same bed. MOUTH : Oh, no. MILLICENT : What? MOUTH : This is like "the crying game," right? MILLICENT : Marvin! MOUTH : Hairy back? MILLICENT : Marvin! MOUTH : Well, it's either that or you're completely repulsed by me. (She drinks the glass bottoms up) MILLICENT : I'm a virgin. MOUTH : Really? MILLICENT : Yes. And considering your last gross boss-lady hookup, you're clearly not, and I am just not ready to... MOUTH : How did I find you? MILLICENT : What? MOUTH : Such a perfect girl who's smart and sweet and... so awesome. MILLICENT : Go on. MOUTH : Milly, I would never pressure you about s*x. I just... I want to be with you. MILLICENT : But... MOUTH : I mean, we could even get two beds, if you want... Although, if I catch you sneaking into mine, I'm telling Skills. I am so into you, and... I want you here. Will you say yes? MILLICENT : Okay. Yes. If you think it can work. MOUTH : It can. It does. (They kiss) NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan and Haley are interviewing nannies. The first one is pretty and kinda looks like Carrie HALEY : So, I see you know CPR, and you're also a lifeguard. GIRL 1 : Yes. HALEY : Have you ever kissed any of the husbands you worked for? The second one is a blonde, pretty girl HALEY : Okay... No. The third one is young and pretty too. HALEY : Well... Sorry. The next one is a guy GUY : So, Nathan... Haley tells me you like to watch your nanny swim naked in the pool? NATHAN : I guess I deserved that. BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE Brooke is sitting on the couch with the purple monkey on her hand. She seems sad. Lucas walks in LUCAS : Hey, Brooke. You okay? BROOKE : I think I made a big mistake. (Lucas sits with her) LUCAS : I think it's a little late for that, isn't it? BROOKE : If I wanted a "little late for that," I would have called Peyton. You are supposed to say, "no, you didn't. You're gonna be fine." LUCAS : No, you didn't. You're gonna be fine. BROOKE : It doesn't count now. LUCAS : So, you got a purple monkey, huh? Just like you had. BROOKE : You remember that? LUCAS : Of course. I do know some things about you, Brooke Davis. You're gonna be a great mom. BROOKE : I'm not even gonna be a mom. I just fix her up, and then I have to send her back. LUCAS : Well, if you didn't do it, who would? BROOKE : Owen thinks I'm being selfish. He thinks I just want what I want. LUCAS : I'd say it's the opposite. BROOKE : Right? LUCAS : I think it's great that you're willing to help this little girl get the care that she needs and get to the rest of her life. BROOKE : So do I. What if I do something wrong? What if I hurt her? If I break her? I mean, I rushed into this, and I'm scared. LUCAS : You know what? When it comes to single moms, I had a pretty special one. And it's good that you're a little scared. But you're gonna do great. BROOKE : Thanks. Thanks for coming over. You think she'll like the purple monkey? LUCAS : I think that she's gonna love the girl who gives it to her. BROOKE : Yeah. NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Haley is looking at the resumes. Nathan joins her NATHAN : Jamie's out cold. I wish I could sleep like that. HALEY : Yeah, tell me about it. NATHAN : So, I'm sorry you couldn't find a nanny that you could trust around me. HALEY (laughing) : Too soon. NATHAN : All right. HALEY : The truth is, I just want Jamie all to myself right now. But I also want my job and I want my music and I want alone time with you. NATHAN : You should take a break from that. Let me go through those things. I'll try to find a person that's really ugly with a lot of great references. HALEY : Actually, you can't, because I thought you might want to get a workout in. (She gives him a basketball) HALEY : Our therapist said that we should focus on the things that we love, so... I think she's right. NATHAN : I'm probably really gonna suck, you know. HALEY : You got to find out sometime, right? NATHAN : Thank you, Hales... for everything. HALEY : You're welcome. Thank you back. (Nathan leaves) INSIDE TREE HILL GYM Nathan walks into the gym and finds Quentin QUENTIN : You lucky, man. I was gonna break that scoring title and pull that old laundry up off the wall. NATHAN : Luck has nothing to do with it. I'm just better than you. How you holding up? QUENTIN : How you think? If somebody would have told me your old sorry ass would be back playing before mine, I would have laughed their ass out the gym. What you trying to do... make some kind of comeback? NATHAN : Trying to make a free throw. (Nathan tries but misses the shot) QUENTIN : Let me show you how that's done, old man. Left-handed... (Quentin makes the shot) NATHAN : You're gonna be just fine, "Q"... even if you have to go to a junior college first. That's what I did. QUENTIN : Wow. And look where it got you. Let's see what you got. Let's see what you got. Come on, Nate. (They start playing) QUENTIN : Oh, here we go. Nathan Scott. Biggest Raven of them all. Look at you, huh? Heard they clipped your wings. What you got, Raven? Nathan Scott. (Quentin takes the ball from Nathan) QUENTIN : Just like I thought. They must have put salt on your tail, boy. You ain't got no chance of flying again. Me, on the other hand... (Quentin makes a dunk) QUENTIN : I can beat you with my other hand, and that ain't even my shooting hand. Some comeback, Mr. Jersey on the wall. NATHAN : Sometimes you got a big mouth, Quentin. (Nathan leaves the gym) QUENTIN : Aw, Nate. Nate! Come back, man! Where you going? Come back. That's it? That's a sorry-ass comeback, Nate. Nathan Scott, ladies and gentlemen. Later, Nathan comes out the locker room and finds Dan looking at the jerseys on the wall DAN : Hello, son. NATHAN : What are you doing here? DAN : Just regretting it all. You too, huh? Thinking about playing again? NATHAN : No! I'm not thinking about that! I can't even make a damn free throw. (Nathan leaves) DAN (to himself) : At least your legacy's safe, son. Just do your best. Unlike some of us, you have nothing to be ashamed of. BOY'S APARTMENT Skills is doing some bodybuilding, angry. Mouth arrives. MOUTH : Hey, man, you got a second? SKILLS : Just don't come too close right now, man. I'm kind of pissed off. MOUTH : Why? What happened? SKILLS : Just some nonsense Quentin said to me. You know, sometimes that kid's got a big mouth, man. What's up? MOUTH : Millicent is gonna move in after all. SKILLS : Fine with me. Hey, about time we classed up the place a little bit, huh? MOUTH : Well, speaking of, you think we could? You know, straighten up a little and straighten up a little? SKILLS : Oh, you talkin' about all the s*x talk and foul language, right? MOUTH : Yeah. SKILLS : Good luck with that. MOUTH : Come on, Skills. I'm not saying everybody has to be a saint, but Millicent's a girl, you know? And she's my girl. SKILLS : All right. I'll talk to the fellas. It's all good, baby. MOUTH : All right, thanks. SKILLS : You think she could walk around... MOUTH : No. SKILLS : I didn't think so. NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Haley is playing guitar and singing with Jamie next to her. Nathan walks in NATHAN : New song? HALEY : Yeah. NATHAN : Nice. HALEY : Thank you. Actually, I think I'm gonna record that album with Peyton. NATHAN : Really? HALEY : Yeah. NATHAN : That's great, Haley. HALEY : Yes, it is. How'd your workout go? NATHAN : Not so good. But you know what? Whatever happens, we're gonna be fine. HALEY : Yeah, we will. VOICE FROM AFAR : Hello? NATHAN : Who is that? JAMIE : That's the new nanny mama hired. (Deb walks in) DEB : Did someone call for a nanny? JAMIE : Grandma! DEB : What did I tell you about that? Grandma Deb is way too young to be a grandma. JAMIE : Sorry. Nanny Deb! DEB : I like that so much better. NATHAN : Hi, mom. HALEY : - Hey, mom, you look great. DEB : Ooh, thank you. DAN (voiceover) : It's been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been. But what of the man who's faced with what was? Or what may never be? Or what can no longer be? INSIDE CLUB TRIC Lucas is having a drink with Skills LUCAS : You did the right thing, Skills. And one of these days, "Q" is gonna realize that. Now we just got to figure out a way to win without him. (Peyton walks out of her office, sees them, but chooses not to go see them) DAN (voiceover) : Choosing the right path is never easy. It's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better. BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE PEYTON : Hey, Brooke, come on. We got to get to the airport to pick up that baby. BROOKE : I think I need to do this alone. I'm gonna be okay. PEYTON : Okay. DAN (voiceover) : Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes... our malice and our jealousy and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be. And that's when we find our way to something better... or when something better finds its way to us.
Plan: A: his aborted wedding; Q: What do Lucas and Peyton discuss? A: Brooke; Q: Who gets a phone call that could change her life? A: Mouth; Q: Who does Millicent take a new step in her relationship with? A: first; Q: Haley takes what tentative steps towards a new career? A: Nathan; Q: Who contemplates what it would take to get his game back? A: his game back.[29; Q: What does Nathan want to get back? Summary: Lucas and Peyton discuss his aborted wedding, while Brooke gets a phone call that could change her life. Millicent and Mouth take a new step in their relationship. Haley takes the first tentative steps towards a new career, and Nathan contemplates what it would take to get his game back.[29] This episode is named after a song by Explosions in the Sky .
[A Coffee Shop] (Elena rejoins Stefan) Elena: Breakfast, Professor Salvatore? Stefan: Oh, no, no, no, no. I see what you're doing Elena: What am I doing? Stefan: Distraction tactics. Stay focused. So psychology, sociology, and anthropology share the assumption that... Elena: Scientific methods can be used to understand human behavior Stefan: That's very good, as in verbatim, which means that I need to ask you more difficult questions Elena: Thank you Stefan: For what? Elena: Volunteering to help me study the day after Damon declared that we can't be friends and that he never wants to see my face again.Speaking of distracting tactics Stefan: You're welcome (Bonnie rejoins them) Bonnie: Hey. I'm sorry I'm late.What did I miss? Elena: Just that Stefan's the tutor from hell Stefan: Unkind. Take that back Elena: Actually, I'm surprised that you're up for studying, you know, considering... Bonnie: Considering? Elena: The other side... Falling apart. She's in denial Stefan: So I see Bonnie: I'm not in denial. The other side is disintegrating. As the anchor to the other side, I'm only alive as long as there is another side. I'm perfectly aware of the threat of my impending death. There is nothing I can do about it. It's called acceptance, fifth stage of grief. Look it up, tutor guy Stefan: Definitely in denial Elena: Yeah. Look, Bonnie. I've already lost you once. We're not doing this again. It's not an option, ok? Not to mention what's gonna happen to Alaric and your grams and everyone else over there. So what are we gonna do? Bonnie: Fine. If you guys promise to stop hovering, I'll ask Liv if she has any witchy ideas. Besides, don't we have bigger problems with those Travelers trying to take over Mystic Falls? Stefan: Oh, no. Damon's already on that Elena: He is? Stefan: Did I say Damon? What I meant to say was George Elena: Damon said the he never wanted to see me again. I guess we're both in denial [Lockwood's Mansion] (Matt rejoins Jeremy) Jeremy: Ugh! Whose nasty-ass boxers are under the couch? Matt: Not mine. I actually do my laundry. It's not in the floor safe Jeremy: Or the kitchen cabinets or the garage or the bookshelves. The Traveler knife is gone Matt: Are you sure Tyler hid it where he said he did? Jeremy: Well, obviously not (Damon arrives) Damon: Dingdong! Invite me in Matt: We can hear you just fine from there Damon: Oh, I'm so sorry I interrupted whatever weird ritual you two were doing, but I just want to de-passenger the great citizens of Mystic Falls using your magical Traveler knife, so hand it over Matt: That's gonna be a problem Damon: 5 words that make want to vamp-toss my keys into your chest cavity. Little Gilbert, help me in the fight against my dark side and elaborate, please Jeremy: We can't find it Damon: As in you lost it? Matt: As in it's not here Damon: You're right. Don't invite me in because I will kill both of you Jeremy: Tyler said he hid it in the piano Damon: And when was the last time you heard from Tyler? [An Abandoned Building] (Tyler wakes up. Markos is here) Tyler: Where the hell am I? Markos: Not here. Veet. Welcome back, Julian. Apologies for the precautions, but you're passengered into the body of a hybrid. It's hard to know how long you have before his consciousness returns Tyler/Julian: I see we moved yet again. At least this is a step up Markos: Just trying to keep our people comfortable. With luck, our days of striking camp are numbered. Sloan, 2,000 years ago, the witches put a curse on our tribe so nature would turn against us should we ever attempt to settle as a people. We have lived without a home, roaming like cattle. The prophecy states that we can break that curse, but in order to undo a witch's curse, one must have the power to undo a witch's magic.Our faithful Sloan has volunteered to be the... how do you say... guinea pig of our little experiment. Drink. Are you ready, Sloan? Sloan: I'm ready [A Street] (Enzo answers his phone) Enzo: And to what do I owe the pleasure? Damon: You don't happen to know where I can finda Traveler, do you? Enzo: You know Travelers... vagabonds and the like. Haven't seen any. Why? Damon: I've got two brain-dead teenagers who didn't realize two plus two equals one hijacked hybrid Enzo: Don't envy you there, mate Damon: Well, what do you say... field trip? I mean, I'm sure there's some salvage yard we haven't toured yet. I think it's a little too dangerous to let Tweedledee and Tweedledumber out of the house.Last thing we need's another Traveler possession in our midst Enzo: Sadly I've got to take a rain check. I'm late to meet some people (Bonnie looks at Liv) Liv: What? Bonnie: Nothing. Not really nothing. More like a rhetorical question about how to fix an imploding supernatural purgatory Liv: Oh, great. He's here Bonnie: You know Enzo? Liv: Yep. Not a fan (Enzo rejoins Stefan and Elena) Stefan: What are you doing here? Enzo: I can't join my friends for a cup of tea? Stefan: Damon, your friend, uh, singular, isn't here, and we're a little busy right now. But by all means, have a seat Enzo: No need to be rude. I've come here for a chat. Elena, darling, perhaps Caroline told you I've been searching for someone I once knew, a woman named Maggie Elena: Your elusive girlfriend from the Augustine days Enzo: Maggie worked there as an observer, taking notes on my behavior. She never got too close, never took off her Vervain bracelet, but we spent hours and hours talking, and we developed an attachment. Now she left in 1950. I imagined her one day teaching at one of these fancy universities, starting a family, living her life to the fullest. I'm sure you two can appreciate that Elena: What's going on? Enzo: That Traveler girl Sloan gave me this yesterday, making good on a promise. Ahem. From the Augustine files left behind by our good Dr. Wes. Yes. Imagine how I felt when I saw it. Turns out Maggie died in 1960 in Mystic Falls. Someone tore her head right off her body Elena: In 1960, were you... Enzo: A ripper? Clearly Stefan: I wasn't a ripper then. I'm really sorry about your friend, but I had nothing to do with it Enzo: Thought you might say that. Liv! A little service here, please Bonnie: Liv, what are you doing? Stop Liv: I can't stop. Sorry Enzo: That's my fault really. Where's Luke? See? I compelled a few blokes from the rugby team to keep her brother's life in jeopardy so that should the witch disobey he will die. There's a good soldier. Ok, Stefan. Are you ready to talk about what you did to the love of my life? (Liv is with Luke) Luke: Tell him to use me instead Liv: I don't really think he's up for taking orders. Besides, I'm older than you Luke: By 5 minutes Enzo: Get him out of here now Liv: Wait. What are you doing? Enzo: Get him out. Too many witches under one roof makes me nervous. I'll let you know if he needs to die. That Vervain water is going to hurt even worse if you struggle against those knots. Chap's in the sailing club Elena: How did you compel everyone here? Enzo: Place opens at 8:00, you got here at 9:00. Do the math, college girl. I will gladly release them once you admit you killed Maggie Stefan: I would love to except I have absolutely no idea who she is Enzo: That's what this is for. Police found it on her body at the crime scene. "June 10, 1951, I found a job at a preschool. I love the kids, but still I feel lost, listless.'' ''March 1953, while my girlfriends have all found love, for some reason, I can't seem to connect with anyone as if a part of my soul is missing or dead. My sister said there are more men in the city. Maybe I'll move." Now it turns out she did move to the city in 1958, and in the move, she uncovered a box that she hadn't touched in years... medical journals from 1950, covered in notes about a special vampire patient named 12144. Of course, when she came back, Whitmore House had burned, and it was concluded that I had perished in the fire.You're a journal man, aren't you, Stefan? Stefan: This is ridiculous. In 1960, I was cleaned up. I was barely feeding on people, let alone killing them Enzo: Good idea. Let's call Damon (He calls him) Damon: How is it Travelers are everywhere until you actually need to find one? Enzo: Hunt going poorly then? Damon: That's what I get for working with the Hardy boys Enzo: I take it you don't have Stefan's diaries handy. I need you to check his journal for an entry on November 8, 1960 Damon: Stefan burned his journals a while ago. He was in a mood. Why? Enzo: Well, just trying to settle a little debate. No matter. I'm right. How you hanging in there, man? I heard you exiled Elena from your eye line Damon: How'd you hear that? Are you with them right now? Enzo: Not for long. I reckon one will be dead soon... eye for an eye and all that Damon: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Enzo. You have your murder voice on. I need you to speak very slowly and calmly and tell me what the hell the problem is Enzo: The problem, if you must know, is that my girl Maggie, the one who got away, it turns out she didn't get away for long. Your ripper of a brother took a big bite out of her neck membrane in the sixties Damon: Sixties? Stefan wasn't even... Enzo: Got to jet, mate. Nothing personal, just a bit of revenge, you understand? (He hangs up) Enzo: Any history majors in the house? Ah. Trick question. I compelled them all not to speak or react. Never mind. We'll use this. 1960. Let's see. Ford Thunderbirds, Lincoln Continentals, unseasonably cold that year. Tuesday, November 8, John F. Kennedy was running for president Stefan: Election night November 8th 1960 (Stefan is in an alley, feeding from a woman) Stefan: Ah. You're ok. Forget this ever happened and run (The woman leaves and Maggie rejoins him) Maggie: Gold star for impulse control. Don't worry. I'm not here to judge Stefan: Who the hell are you? Maggie: Maggie James and you're Stefan Salvatore. Sorry. It's just... it's all so fascinating. Here. I've been staring at Damon's picture for years. Guess you got the handsome genes Stefan: What do you know about my family? Maggie: I spent the last two years searching for your brother. I know everything about the two of you Stefan: Why are you so obsessed with my brother? Maggie: He knew a friend of mine who died in a fire. I was hoping you'd know where to find him Stefan: Ah. Why don't you do yourself a favor and stay away from my brother? He's a monster. He fell off the rails a couple of years ago. There's no talking sense into him Maggie: Well, it's a good thing I don't want to talk to him. I want to kill him Stefan: Heh. So you want me to tell you where my brother is so that you can kill him? Maggie: You just said he's he a lost cause I'd be doing the world a favor Stefan: Well, it's too bad you're not doing yourself any favors Nowadays [A Coffee Shop] Elena: That was Maggie? Enzo: Now we're getting somewhere Stefan: I didn't kill her. I was just trying to scare her into leaving town Enzo: So it was the other ripper in Mystic Falls then? Stefan: I have no reason to lie to you, Enzo Enzo: Are your lies worth Bonnie's life? Elena: Bonnie! Enzo: What exactly happens if you die anyway? Bonnie: Let go of me Enzo: Aren't you technically already dead? Should we find out? Stefan: Stop! You're right. I killed Maggie. I tore out her throat, and I ripped her head off. I completely forgot about her until now. That's the truth. Now let her go Enzo: Take her upstairs (Liv takes Bonnie upstairs) Liv: You ok? Bonnie: You can cut the scared hostage act Liv: Excuse me? Bonnie: Enzo may be using you as his little pocket witch, but if he kills either of them, the Travelers can't do whatever they need to do with the doppelganger blood, and the witches win Liv: Very clever. You should be a magic teacher [SCENE_BREAK] [Sheriff's Department] (Damon is on the phone) Damon: Blondie, now is not the time to be screening my calls. You're the only one unaccounted for, and I don't know where Elena and Stefan are. At least call your mother (Liz rejoins him) Liz: Why the sudden interest in Mystic Falls' history? Damon: You know when your brother kills your only friend's girl and you're stuck in the middle? Liz: No Damon: Well, then don't ask Liz: Ok. 1960. There was a mugging reported November 9 Damon: No, no, no. It has to be the eighth. He was very specific about the eighth Liz: Ok. Well, that would be Maggie James. Died November 8, 1960, unresolved homicide, possible serial killer Damon: Stefan was right. He didn't kill Enzo's girl Liz: How do you know? Damon: Because I did [SCENE_BREAK] Maggie: It's the only way to get you out of here. Make me a vampire. I'll save you.We'll run away together.Don't you want to be with me? Enzo: More than anything in this world Maggie: Then I'm ready. Dr. Whitmore's back. You need to hurry Enzo: Come closer.Take my hand. Leave, Maggie. Leave and never come back, and when you go, forget I ever existed, forget that I love you. Wait. Must have fallen from your wrist Maggie: Sorry Nowadays [A Coffee Shop] Enzo: Where were we then? Elena: Stop. You made your point Enzo: What was that? I couldn't hear you over all the... (Bonnie and Liv are still upstairs) Liv: Oh, I'm sorry. Is there a more appropriate reaction to torture? Bonnie: This whole time, I thought I was doing you some favor by teaching you magic, and you're more powerful than I ever was Liv: It's nothing personal. It was our job to protect the doppelgangers. You were an easy in,but, yeah, the stuff you were teaching me I learned in first grade Bonnie: Does your coven know the other side is falling apart? Liv: Why? You scared you're not gonna make it through to finals? Bonnie: It is not about me. I have friends there, my grams. I mean, there's got to be something that can be done to save it, a spell, a ritual, something Enzo: I used to scream, too, but for me, it wasn't so much the sharp instruments as it was the fingers. Those bloody fingers. Like I was a ball of dough (Damon enters) Damon: Well, this is depressing. Stadium seating really necessary? These people are starting to creep me out Enzo: If I didn't know any better, I'd say that was a veiled attempt to get to release the damn hostages Damon: Oh, I'm sorry. Was that veiled? Release the damn hostages Enzo: Whose side are you on? Damon: There are sides now? Enzo: You were there with me in Augustine. Look. Don't tell me you've forgotten what it was like to cling onto the one thing that kept you from feeling pain! Damon: Enzo, I get it. The prospect of seeing Maggie again was your safety line to the outside world, the one thing that kept you from shutting it off, but she's gone. There's probably a chapter in Elena's psych book about it. What, are you two study buddies now? Damon: The thing is I didn't know she was your Maggie Enzo: What are you talking about? Damon: She didn't tell me her name when we met Enzo: And when exactly was that? Damon: November 8, 1960 November 8th 1960 (Damon rejoins Maggie) Maggie: Hi Damon: I'd gotten a message at the house saying a lady wanted to buy me a drink. Naturally, I was curious Maggie: I'd like to interview you for an article I'm writing Damon: Oh, yeah? What are thinking... "Life" magazine? Maggie: Not quite. I'm with the "Whitmore College Alumni Gazette." Where is my cigarette lighter? Damon: Whitmore. I spent a lot of time there Maggie: Oh. Then you remember the fire of '58 at Whitmore house? Damon: Vividly. It was incredibly hot,very loud, lots of screaming. So I heard Maggie: I'm afraid that's a little glib to quote for the "Gazette," seeing as over a dozen people died Damon: Sensitive readership. Got you. See, I have this switch in my brain. Feel something I don't want to feel... Click, it's gone easy as pie Maggie: You really are a monster Damon: I'm not a fan of needles. Oh. An Augustine. How refreshing of you to find me. I usually have to hunt you people down Nowadays [A Coffee Shop] Damon: Had she gotten me with that Vervain injection, things would have been very different. She didn't stand a chance against me Stefan: And you made it look like I did it? Damon: Maggie was the hope Enzo clung to. You were mine, and when you didn't notice that I was missing for 5 years, let's just say I held a grudge Enzo: You killed Maggie Damon: I didn't even bat an eye. My switch was off, Enzo. I did a lot of terrible things, but I didn't do it to make your life miserable from every angle. I did it because I didn't care. Just do whatever it is you got to do. You want to kill me, you want to hate me, do it. This is between us Enzo: Well, that's the problem, Damon. I don't want to hate you. Because if I hate you, then I have nothing left. There is another option Damon: Don't you dare! Hey, Enzo! Enzo: There we are. You're right! I don't have a care in the world [An Abandoned Building] (Sloan wakes up) Markos: How are you feeling? Sloan: The lights... Markos: All part of your transition. Vampirism originated from the magic of witches, and it is in the prophecy that the blood of the final two doppelgangers will undo witch magic.The last of our doppelganger blood [A Coffee Shop] Enzo: This is fun, not caring Damon: Yep. Emotion-free. Bye-bye humanity Enzo: To Maggie James for whom I feel absolute and blissful detachment Damon: What do you say we get out of here? Where was it that you wanted to go... Cape Town? Enzo: Cape Horn Damon: Even better Enzo: All right. Everyone's free to go! Show's over! Don't worry. I compelled you all to think you spent the day studying like the good, little students you are. Except you. Stay. I want to test something. Look at that. I don't even feel obliged to say thank you Damon: No. b*st*rd. He took Elena Stefan: Let's go Bonnie: No. Please, Stefan Damon: You deal with her. I'll find Enzo Stefan: He's gonna kill her. You know that, right? Damon: I can handle him Stefan: Damon! Damon: I said I could handle him Stefan: He wants to hurt you in any way he can. You can't save him Damon: The witch is dying (He leaves. Stefan goes to Liv) Stefan: Drink Bonnie: Come on, Liv. You're ok, you're ok Stefan: You got this? Bonnie: Yeah, go [A Street] (Damon is on the phone) Damon: Enzo, I need you to come find me, ok, and I will give you a first-class ticket to Cape wherever it is. Hell, I'll even come with you. I mean, let's face it. No one's gonna miss me here, but don't hurt Elena, ok? You leave her alone, I swear I'll never ask you for anything again [Whitmore College] (Elena is with Enzo) Elena: If you were gonna kill me, I'd be dead Enzo: I think you mean when I kill you you'll be dead Elena: I know how you're feeling Enzo: That's the point. I feel nothing Elena: You're just lost. You think cutting all this out of your life is the answer, but you're just biding time until it all comes crashing back Enzo: I know why Damon doesn't want to deal with you anymore (Stefan arrives) Stefan: Hey! Enzo: Stefan. Where's big brother? Stefan: I don't know. Guess I found you first Enzo: Ouch. Hope it's insured [A Coffee Shop] (Bonnie is with Liv) Liv: Can you call my brother, see if he's ok? Bonnie: It's already done. He's fine. So you're probably gonna get fired Liv: Probably. You asked if there was anything you could do about the other side Bonnie: Did you think of something? Liv: Say good-bye to your friends, Bonnie. The other side's just like any other spell. You know how that works. Just like any other recipe or math equation, remove one component, and the whole thing implodes on itself. When those Travelers let Markos escape... Boom Bonnie: But there's always another spell, a loophole, a sacrifice, something Liv: Jeremy loves you, Bonnie. He deserves to know you're leaving [Whitmore College] (Damon finds Elena) Damon: Elena! Elena. You're okay (Damon and Enzo are still fighting) Enzo: Bet you wished you'd murdered me back when you had the chance, but Damon would have been furious. I think it's time we both stopped coddling him. Now where is my lighter? Maggie's lighter, I should say. I wonder what she'd think of all this. Of course, who knows what lies in the great beyond for a mere human like Maggie James? Probably nothing It's probably just as well she's not watching this. I believe it might upset her. We'll burn together, you and I. Perhaps just you Stefan: My brother, he sees something good in you Enzo: And you? Isn't there a part of you that thinks I can be redeemed? Stefan: Not with your emotions off. You won't stop until you kill Damon Enzo: Better yet, wouldn't it be a sweet piece of revenge when Damon finds out you killed his best friend? Have fun sorting this out with your brother (Stefan rejoins Elena in her dorm) Stefan: Hi. You ok? Elena: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just still a bit confused about how I got here Stefan: Bonnie here? Elena: No. She never came back Stefan: Enzo's dead Elena: Did you... Stefan: Yeah Elena: Does Damon know? Stefan: I basically just killed my brother's only friend. It's been a tough year for Damon. Don't you think it would be easier if no-humanity Enzo just left for parts unknown and was never heard from again? Elena: Ohh. Stefan, I don't know if I can... Stefan: Listen, Elena. Damon thinks that Enzo left town, and we need to keep it that way. We barely just got him back. This would destroy him. Please [Lockwood's Mansion] (Bonnie is there with Jeremy and Matt) Jeremy: We think Tyler's with the Travelers Matt: And we're stuck here because Damon said he'd twist off our kneecaps if we left Bonnie: Do you mind if I talk to Jeremy for a sec? Matt: No. I'm glad you're ok, Bon Bonnie: Thanks Jeremy: Ok. You've got your superserious face on Bonnie: Do I? In light of the Tyler thing, it's probably nothing, but... Jeremy: Bon, come on. What is it? Bonnie: This whole thing with the other side, I don't know what's going on, but if it does go away... Liv thinks there might be a way to save me, so... (Her phone rings) Bonnie: Whew. Sorry. Hang on. It's Stefan (She answers) Bonnie: Hello? Stefan: Who are you with right now? Bonnie: Jeremy. Why? Stefan: Because Enzo's dead, and I don't mean to put this on you, but Damon can't find out. Bonnie? Bonnie: Yep. Understand (Enzo appears) Enzo: Damage control, is it? Jeremy: Bonnie, what's going on? Bonnie: Nothing. Just someone passing through to the other side, a werewolf or something Enzo: Go on. Keep your little secret. You'll see me again. Did I mention how good I am at revenge? [An Abandoned Building] Markos: The moment of truth. Are you still a vampire,or is the prophecy true? Did the doppelganger blood revert you back to your human form? Sloan: I'm not healing.I'm not a vampire anymore Markos: Congratulations.If we can undo the magic in Mystic Falls, we can undo the witches' curse that prevents us from finding a home. We'll finally have a place to settle. Sadly I'm afraid you won't be able to enjoy it with us. The doppelganger blood removes magic. Unfortunately without the magic of vampirism to keep her alive,Sloan has reverted to her final human state... Tyler: Dead Markos: Exactly, Julian.She's dead. Such is the fate of any vampire that tries to live in our new home. We're almost ready to begin our work except... We're gonna need a lot more blood [Salvatore's House] (Stefan rejoins Damon) Damon: I know. I know what you're thinking. I screwed up. I'm the reason Enzo's in our lives, I'm the reason he wants us dead. It's all my fault, and I'll fix it, ok? He was there for me when I was at my worst. I'll find a way to be there for him. I'll get him back. I'll fix it. Did I leave anything out? Stefan: I, uh, checked in on Elena. She's, uh... she's all right Damon: Yeah, I know. I found her on campus. She was unconscious, I took her home, tucked her in Stefan: You didn't leave a note? Damon: I think I'm past trying to earn points for good behavior, Stefan Stefan: You know, what happened today wasn't your fault Damon: That's very noble of you, brother. We both know it's not the truth Stefan: Well, either way, I think it's time you leave Enzo alone Damon: I can't Stefan: Come on, Damon. He's not your responsibility Damon: What, you're the only one that gets to play hero? Or you just don't think I can do it? Stefan: I think that he's not worth saving Damon: You don't know what you're talking about, Stefan Stefan: Really? Damon: Yeah, because you know what you never knew? The whole time I was in that cell, every time I'd say something terrible about you or blame you for not coming to rescue me, Enzo would bring me back from the edge Stefan: I know you guys were close Damon: Enzo reminded me that at least I got to grow up with a family, at least I had family still out there, which was more than he could say for himself. Said he envied me for having a brother Stefan: Even a crappy one like me? Damon: Even a crappy one like you. He defended you, Stefan, even though he didn't know you. Said it was good that we had people on the outside, people just living their lives free and clear of our Augustine hell, people worth holding on to our humanity for because we loved them. And all that time as a prisoner, every time I wanted to give up on you, Enzo stopped me from hating you. That's why I have to help him. And I owe him for that. And so do you Enzo: It's too late to make amends, Damon. You know me. Never let go of a good vendetta, and this one is just getting started.
Plan: A: Stefan; Q: Who kills Enzo? A: Elena; Q: Who escapes from Enzo? A: their studies; Q: What does Stefan help Elena with? A: Damon; Q: Who rescued Stefan, Elena, and Bonnie? A: Bonnie; Q: Who is concerned about the destruction of the Other Side? A: Enzo; Q: Who accuses Stefan of killing Maggie James? A: information; Q: What does Enzo seek to find Maggie James? A: his former girlfriend Maggie James; Q: Who did Enzo want to find? A: 1960; Q: When was Maggie James killed? A: ripper mode; Q: What mode does Stefan go into when he is searching for Maggie? A: the murder; Q: What does Enzo accuse Stefan of? A: threatens Luke; Q: What does Enzo do to get Liv to work for him? A: his humanity; Q: What does Enzo turn off? A: attacks; Q: What does Enzo do to Liv? A: The Travelers; Q: Who turns Sloan into a vampire? A: the magic; Q: What does Markos take away from Sloan? A: Markos; Q: Who wants to make all of Mystic Falls magic free? A: Enzo's death; Q: What does Stefan not tell Damon about? Summary: Stefan helps Elena with their studies, distracting her from her entire situation with Damon. Bonnie is concerned as the destruction of the Other Side might affect her and her friends. Enzo continues to seek information about where to find his former girlfriend Maggie James, learning that she was killed by a vampire in 1960 much in the same way that Stefan does when he is in ripper mode. Enzo quickly accuses Stefan of the murder and threatens Luke so Liv will work for him. Enzo captures Elena, Bonnie and Stefan. Flashback to 1960, Stefan met Maggie, who is trying to find Damon to kill him. Enzo thinks back to when Maggie wanted to become a vampire to help him escape, but he tells her to leave and forget about him. Damon goes to rescue Stefan, Elena, and Bonnie by admitting he killed Maggie after she tried to kill him. Enzo then turns his humanity off, attacks Liv, then takes Elena. Elena escapes from Enzo and then Stefan kills him. Meanwhile, The Travelers turn Sloan into a vampire, but then take away the magic keeping her as a vampire. She then dies, as Markos says he wants to make all of Mystic Falls magic free. Stefan doesn't let Damon know of Enzo's death.
Narrator: Previously on Mars. Hana Seung: I will miss my sister, she's my heart and soul. Grann: For something like this to work, it has to be personal. Hana Seung: We had traveled further than anyone ever had to get to Mars. But before we even entered Mars's atmosphere it was like she was trying to push us away. Robert Foucault: Retro rockets about to fire. [BEN CRASHES] Hana Seung: And once we landed, she pushed even harder. Joon Seung: What is Ben's status? [BEN COUGHING] Marta Kamen: How far did we overshoot? Woman: 75.3 kilometers. Grann: Come on, let's fix this. It's our guys up there. Joon Seung: The workshop module. What if they can make it there? Live in it? Crew: They'd have a chance. Robert Foucault: Wheels 5 and 6 just locked. Mae: Suspension system compromised. Hana Seung: We have to walk. Marta Kamen: It's -35 degree. It will be -70 by nightfall. We'll freeze to death out there. Grann: Jesus. [CRASHING NOISE] Amelie Durand: Ben? Hana Seung: Far off course, we struggle to make our way to a temporary habitat. Amelie Durand: We need to cut the suit. Hana Seung: Fighting just to stay alive. Amelie Durand: Dammit, Ben. Hana Seung: Ben, stay with me. Come on, come on. Still our mission remained, to find a safe haven for the first human settlement on Mars. But getting there had killed the best among us. I was in command now and I knew if we couldn't find a permanent home in this place... the Mars Mission would die. [THEME MUSIC PLAYS] [SCENE_BREAK] Interviewer: When did you first know you wanted to go to Mars? Hana Seung: When we were 6, my sister and I were at the planetarium, and it felt like we were looking at the planets. We had these alien dolls in our hands that my mom had just bought us, and I told my sister I was going up there, that I was going to Mars, and she said she was coming with me. But when the call came for this mission, only one of us was going to be on that ship. They say twins have one mind. But it's sharing a heart that's the problem. The only way to separate it is to break it. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] We all knew someone could die here. But no one ever thought it would be Ben. We picked a place to bury him outside camp out in the regolith. The sun makes this pattern on the ground, when it sets behind the cliffs. They're looking to me for answers Joon, and I can see the doubt in their eyes. I stay away from the portholes because I'm afraid if I see my reflection it will be in mine too. I need to be strong for them. As strong as he was. The repairs on the rover are done. We're able to take what we could from the original landing site, but the workshop module's designed for 2 people working 8 hours a day. Not a crew of 5 full time. Marta is preparing the drones to start scanning surrounding lava tubes for ice and the geology we need to deploy the dome. Javier is optimizing WAVARs for water. And Robert is doing everything he can to upgrade the environmental systems to keep the air breathable. But the mods to the workshop are already taxing the electrical system. We'd be lucky if it supports us for 8 months, assuming Amelie can keep this crew from falling apart. [JAVIER MUMBLES IN SPANISH] Javier Delgado: Where is the cover? But, this... why, why? It's all covered in dust. Let's see if it's something from here. Marta Kamen: Javier, todo bien? Javier? Javier Delgado: esta bien, esta bien, esta muy bien. [MUMBLES] Robert... if you open a cover, close it. If you open a box, close it. Patience, patience. You don't just cannibalize my equipment when you need to jury-rig a goddamn junction box. Robert Foucault: I needed the fan to cool the upgrades, it was the only option. You have redundancies. Javier Delgado: That's not the point. Robert Foucault: If I don't fix this now, we are going to have problems with the upgrades later on. Hana Seung: Robert. Come help me with the recycling system. Now! Robert Foucault: This system is built for 2 people. If you want to keep breathing I need the hardware. Amelie Durand: Why don't we take a little break. Javier Delgado: Amelie, I can't. Amelie Durand: Close your eyes. Close your eyes! Tell me when you have it. Please. Javier Delgado: Nothing comes. Amelie Durand: Okay, breathe with me. [DEEP BREATHING] Javier Delgado: It's raining. The drops are hitting a tin roof. It's just a wash of sound above me. Amelie Durand: And what does it smell like? Javier Delgado: Lavender. Amelie Durand: Lavender. Now open your eyes. Javier Delgado: Thank you. Amelie Durand: You're welcome, now go back to work. Javier Delgado: Lavender. Hana Seung: Even in those rare moments of quiet, we could feel the storm was always looming. We knew if we didn't find a home with the resources to sustain us, Mars would kill us in any of a thousand ways. Casey Dreier: Mars itself is your enemy. You have a shared common enemy on Mars trying to kill you every day. Man: Mars. Photographs reveal a cratered landscape, much like the moon and apparently hostile to life. Casey Dreier: It's actually the lack of resources that we have to worry about on Mars. We still have to figure out how to create them there. Peter Diamandis: When we get to Mars we need to solve our basic needs and the basic needs are going to be food, water, shelter and a particular protection from radiation. Stephen Petranek: The longer you spend on the surface, the more dangerous it is so you have to get underground and get away from radiation. There are a number of strategies that can be employed. One of them could be the lava tube. Reporter: Rising from the flame, giant volcanoes. Jim Green: Volcanoes have existed on Mars for hundreds of millions of years, and as they died away, the tubes that carry the lava solidify and become huge long rooms. We can inflate a habitat within a lava tube, but you have to be near them so knowing where we are on Mars and what the features are that we can use are extremely important. You'll have to be looking for water also. Now Mars has some trapped water resources. Jennifer Heldmann: Everything we've learned about life as we know it requires liquid water. Full stop. So that's why the mantra for Mars exploration has been thus far follow the water. There's the possibility that there could be ice within lava tubes and we're looking to see, you know, what the feasibility of that is. We're still in the process of figuring out where those lava tubes are and mapping them is not a trivial thing. They're not so easy to find because they're underground. Thomas Kalil: So there's no shortage of hard, technical challenges that need to be addressed before we can have a sustained human presence on Mars. It's really important that we figure out how to get some of the basics. Marta Kamen: We'll use a set of drones to find a lava tube with the conditions we need to deploy a small domed habitat. Hana Seung: And that little foothold will become humankind's first real home beyond the gravity well. Olympus town. Mae: Charged and ready. Unmanned aerial vehicles. Hana Seung: We watched as our drones took off into the alien sky, knowing they were the only hope of finding the shelter and the resources we'd need to deploy the dome and complete our mission. But if we couldn't find enough ice to supply settlement, we'd be stranded and the Mars mission would end. Jedidah Isler: There's much to learn about Mars. I mean, we're still as of this week finding things out. We've sent orbiters, we've sent rovers, we've sent things there to explore it to get to know more about it. We have the interest and are on the edge of the robotic technology that would allow us to get there and do that work. Jennifer Heldman: So we're in the process of right now what we call precursor missions, robotic missions that go before the humans go so we can characterize what the resource is, where we would send humans. Nicolas Thomas: Something that people might find a bit surprising is that with modern orbiters, we've covered only about 3% of the surface. We just don't have the data volume coming back from Mars to get anywhere close to mapping the whole surface. If we want to have humans landing on the surface of Mars, we want to make sure that the place where they're going is safe, and you can't do that with 100 meter-per pixel resolution images. That tells you diddly squat. We have to prove that the resources are there and so we like to think that ExoMars is the next step to building up the knowledge for that future manned mission. ExoMars comprises 2 major elements. The first element is the trace gas orbiter, which will launch in 2016. I've been mostly involved with the main imaging system. We like to talk about it being the best color cameras that's ever been sent to Mars. We have stereo capability. That means that we can construct a 3D-view of what the martian surface looks like. I used to think of it almost as a sort of a dead world. As you start to get more and more immersed, I mean, you see fantastic phenomenon on the surface of Mars. It just grabs you: polar caps, looking at these new impact craters, the dune fields and you're seeing them moving across the surface, dust devils running around the place, and that to me, it's brought the place to life. I get a real kick out of looking at data from an object or from a surface or from something that no one's ever seen before. Casey Dreier: ExoMars is important because there are goals of the scientific community that we want to advance before humans get there. Hana Seung: Seung, Hana. Mission Entry Phase 1. The crew is losing faith. Morale is slipping. We're doing everything we can to find a way to make this workshop habitable until we can find the place in those lava tubes. We were supposed to have two years to find a lava tube with enough ice to supply the water necessary to survive on Mars. But without the infrastructure of Daedalus to sustain us while we searched, we'd be lucky if we had a few months. Anything? Marta Kamen: Hmm, either the candidate skylights don't have the horizontal entrances we would need to bring in equipment, or the tubes the skylights connect to don't have the subsurface topography and ice access a settlement would need. Hana Seung: Keep looking. Robert Foucault: Ugh, if I push these modifications any further we risk overloading the entire electrical system. Every piece of hardware we've got is running into this junction box. It's too much. Hana Seung: We don't have a choice Robert. [SCENE_BREAK] Man's voice : We have one shot to deploy that dome. It doesn't go back in the box. Woman's voice : There's a pilot in charge of a multi-billion-dollar mission. If the conditions for settlement are not there, we need to use our second ship, Vega, as a life raft and forget about Phase 2. Man's voice : If they deploy on the surface, every nation from the International Mars Science Foundation will vote to pull the plug on Mars. Woman's voice : [inaudible] was already short, we cannot tolerate any more failure. Man's voice : IMSF is sending a deputy to Mission Control to assess whether they're going to proceed or cancel this whole thing. You need to come to sit before the board. Woman: We've got an international hero dead and five more stuck in a utility shack meant for two trying to find a needle in a haystack before their systems fail. Board Member: We don't like the optics on this, Ed. Ophelia was doing just fine in the satellite business before we bought into your MMC initiative. Board member 2 : If the most qualified astronauts on the planet can't make it work, how do you expect to make money selling tickets to people following in their footsteps? Board member 3 : IMSF is already watching every move we make, waiting for an excuse to end this whole thing. Board Member: We need to cut bait before they leave us holding the bag. Grann: Are you done? I made billions of dollars in private enterprise and then I did it again and again. Every small town car dealer knows about profits, bottom lines, and cutting losses. And they all know about fear. You know what they don't know about? Foresight. And faith. These are my tax reports for the last five years. It shows my income, investments and all my accounts, business and personal, onshore, offshore, all around the world. You look at it and you'll find that I've invested 90% of my own net worth in this mission. I've got faith. And I'm asking for a little bit more of yours. Slow down IMSF, and let this crew carry out the mission we sent them there to do. Man: If they fail, I don't care how much you invested, we're out. Grann: If they fail, everyone's out. Hana Seung: We were at a critical stage and all I could do was pretend I wasn't just as worried as the rest of them. Javier Delgado: We haven't been able to make the system run more efficiently. Amelie Durand: MAE, report CO2 scrubber status. Mae: CO2 scrubbing has declined an additional 3% since your last inquiry. Javier Delgado: There are just too many of us. Amelie Durand: If we can't make the workshop safe for long-term habitation, we're going to need to start considering deploying the dome on the surface. Hana Seung: Then the next ship that comes will be a rescue mission. We've got eight months. We're going to use them. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXPLOSION] Fire, Robert! Mae: Warning fire detected in the laboratory section. Amelie Durand: MAE, extinguish the lab. Mae: System malfunction. Hana Seung: Get to the airlock! Robert Foucault: Fire! Hana Seung: Go, everybody! Into the airlock, go! Depressurize to put out the flames, go! Mae: Fire containment system malfunction. Airlock motors off. Robert Foucault: The circuit's blown! Crewman: The fire is growing! Hana Seung: Everyone back, get inside the east wall! Crewman: What is she doing? Amelie Durand: Hana! Robert Foucault: Open up, Hana! Amelie Durand: What is she doing? Hana, Hana! [CREW SCREAMING] Robert Foucault: Open the door! No, don't do it! Amelie Durand: Hana! Robert Foucault: No, Hana! Javier Delgado: She's going to burn herself alive in there. [CREW SCREAMING] [SCENE_BREAK] [GLASS BREAKS] Man: As Mariner 4 passed over Mars, it recorded on tape tiny bits of information to transmit back to Earth. Roger Launius: The track record is probably about 50% of the probes sent to Mars have been successful in accomplishing any part of their mission. That's not a great track record. Nicolas Thomas: Mars seems to have been a graveyard for several spacecraft, I've been involved in two missions where we've had failures, Mars Polar Lander was one. Tom Brokaw: There is more news from NASA tonight and like almost all the news from the space agency this year, it's not good. Mission Control: SLM, go ahead. Slm: This is the [inaudible] shutdown load and go. Nicolas Thomas: But there comes a point where you think to yourself ah, this ain't gonna happen. Mission Control: I'm sorry to report that all we have is a nominal no contact M.R. path. Mission control 2 : Copy that, Mod, thanks for that uh, thanks for hanging in there with us. Man: Mars is still the death planet, it's a graveyard of many, many spacecraft. Roger Launius: Mars is hard to do. Interviewer: what do you think your biggest challenge will be on this mission? Hana Seung: Well, the biggest challenge would be finding those lava tubes, but the unknown to me is a bigger challenge than that. It's a vicious planet. IMSF Deputy Commissioner : The fire left them with less than a week of oxygen. IMSF sent me to make a decision. Is Vega now a rescue mission? Because if the crew no longer has the means to find a location in the lava tubes, they're going to have to deploy the dome on the surface. Joon Seung: They're working on sealing off the lab now, but we're still waiting to hear about structural damage. Grann: What about the drones? Oliver: Damage to the remote system was catastrophic. No way they fly again without additional supplies from Earth. Grann: Okay, guys, go back to your stations and check it all again. [GRANN SPEAKING FRENCH] Joon Seung: I'd like to speak to you about the horizontal entrance. Grann: Joon, please. The nations are meeting the day after tomorrow to vote on how to proceed. If they deploy the dome on the surface, we fail. IMSF will dissolve, MMC will go bankrupt, and Earth will forget about Mars just like they forgot about the moon. If we can't find a site, the Mars mission is dead. Joon Seung: I understand, sir. Javier Delgado: I've thawn all I can. Amelie Durand: We're still leaking O2 like a sieve. Robert Foucault: There's no way to complete the repairs without the equipment that burned in the lab. Marta Kamen: At this rate, we've got a little more than 100 hours of breathable air. Amelie Durand: We're running out of options. Marta Kamen: Hana? Hana Seung: We will find it. Robert Foucault: Aye-aye, captain. [SCENE_BREAK] IMSF Deputy Commissioner : Your faith is admirable, but unfounded, Mr. Grann. IMSF sent me here to determine whether or not you can stop this thing from becoming a global embarrassment, but what I can tell so far, that seems to be an inevitability. Ground penetrating radar isn't going to find us a site that isn't there, without the drones there's no way. Grann: My people have done the impossible. They can do it again. Sam: There's nothing, sir, we've been over the terrain a hundred times. Oliver: We're seeing no options for sub-surface habitation with gamma rays or neutron specs. They were supposed to have two years to find a location with the right conditions. Ava: And that was with six drones in the air twelve hours a day. Sam: There's not a single tube that shows any sign of a horizontal entrance. IMSF Deputy Commissioner: They have to deploy. Joon Seung: Wait! I think I have something. We ignored this horizontal entrance because it was clogged with breakdown debris and too far from the nearest candidate skylight to be part of the same tube system. But if we look at the GPR scans here you can see that entrance leads to a tectonic cave that passes right beside the lava tube under this skylight. With the right equipment on the next ship, we can clear the horizontal entrance and combine the two cave systems. Sam: They'd have to lower the dome in vertically, through the skylight. Ava: That tube is at least two-hundred meters, rim to floor; the winch on the crane only has fifty of cable. Oliver: What about the guidelines for the Daedalus? They've got three 35 meter spools of cable with a nearly identical gauge. They splice those together, that's 215 meters. Joon Seung: If the topography is right, and the ice is there, we can justify deployment. Grann: Do it. Joon Seung: Daedalus crew, great news. We may have found a place for deployment. Stand by for transmission of coordinates. Marta Kamen: Kamen, Marta. Mission Entry Phase 1. The idea that one of the lava tubes we deemed unsuitable could be connected to a tectonic cave is brilliant. Thanks, Joon, Mission Control. Spasibo. Robert Foucault: Hey Marta, I hope you're not scared of the dark. [laughs] Javier, how are the cables? Javier Delgado: Good. Robert Foucault: Alright, Marta, hang in there. Marta Kamen: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [DEEP BREATHING] Robert Foucault: Doing great, doing great. Javier, how are the cables holding? Javier Delgado: Strong. I hope we have enough to get her down. Javier Delgado: Talk to us Marta, what do you see? Marta Kamen: Can't see, I can't see anything. Javier Delgado: MAE, remaining cable? Mae: 150 meters remaining, 120 meters, 100 meters, 80 meters. Robert Foucault: Come on, come on, come on, come on. Mae: 60 meters, 50 meters remaining. Hana Seung: Marta, what do you see? Mae: 35 meters, 30 meters. Marta Kamen: Nothing, nothing at all. [SCENE_BREAK] Jeremy Wilks: Hello, and welcome to Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan. Counting down to the launch of ExoMars, the world's biggest ever mission to the red planet. Nicolas Thomas: Baikonur is the largest launch facility in the world. It's where the Russians have been launching missions from for the past 60 years, all of the big missions have gone from there, the Sputniks, the Vostoks, the Soyuz. It's the place where Gagarin went up and did his launch. [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] It's sort of a holy place I think for space scientists. The ExoMars program is a collaboration between the European Space Agency and RosCosmos, and so there are principal investigators, both from Europe and from the Russian side. Oleg Korablev: Maybe it's a false impression that Mars is studied in every detail, but it is actually not mapped in every detail completely. Far from that. Nicolas Thomas: I've been thinking about ExoMars for more than 16 years. So, so that's it over there, right? Now it's serious guys. What we're doing is really rather difficult. A lot of things have to go right. Oleg Korablev: One minute. Nicolas Thomas: One minute. Building the instruments is hard and maybe if you haven't done enough test time and you're thinking to yourself, oh my goodness, you know, this is going to go in another one of these damn rockets. Launches are inherently dangerous. There's always some sort of a risk of something blowing up. As long as the thing doesn't blow up when I'm too close to it. Mission Control: And we have liftoff. Roger Launius: The Americans have had failures, the Europeans have had failures, the Russians have had failures. We check things, we recheck them. We have checkers checking the checkers, and how much is enough to ensure that you don't fail? [EXPLOSION] [RUSSIAN RADIO CHATTER] Nicolas Thomas: There she goes. Geez, look at that! Oleg Korablev: Beautiful. [LAUGHTER AND CONGRATULATIONS] Nicolas Thomas: That's an experience, isn't it? Holy smokes! Oleg Korablev: (bleep)! Nicolas Thomas: We have to wait a little bit while things deploy and then we're on our way to Mars. It gets you sort of right there. [APPLAUSE] Casey Dreier: You have this incredible number of people all working to send something to a strange kind of pinkish dot in the sky. I really like not seeing Mars as a challenge to overcome, but Mars as an opportunity to unite people together in a peaceful way and give our species a goal. You're giving people something optimistic to pursue. Javier Delgado: We've detected glaciers of ice on Mars from orbit that are 40 meters thick extending down to a latitude of 38 degrees. There is a huge amount of sub-surface ice there so this is a unique opportunity for us. Mae: 35 meters, 30 meters. 25 meters, 20 meters remaining. Robert Foucault: We're running out of line. Mae: 18 meters, 17 meters, 16 meters... 15 meters remaining, 14 meters. Robert Foucault: Hang in there. Mae: 13 meters, 12 meters. Marta Kamen: Easy, easy, easy. Stop, I'm on the ground. Hana Seung: She hit the ground. Robert Foucault: There you go. Hana Seung: Marta, report please, what's down there? Marta Kamen: Even topography, room to build. I'm unclipping to dig for ice. [SCENE_BREAK] No indication of exposed ice. There's nothing. There's no ice here, there's nothing here. [MARTA SCREAMS] Amelie Durand: What's happening, Marta? Hana Seung: Status update, Marta. Marta Kamen: Still here, still here. Hana Seung: Marta can you hear us? Amelie Durand: Marta, do you hear us, Marta? Hana Seung: Is she okay? Amelie Durand: Heartrate elevated, but no injuries. Marta Kamen: There's a crevice down here. Bear with me. [SCENE_BREAK] Hana Seung: What do you see, Marta? Status update, please. Amelie Durand: Marta? Robert Foucault: Cӭon. Marta Kamen: There's ice, we're home. [JOYFUL CRIES AND LAUGHTER] Javier Delgado: Yes! Marta Kamen: We're home. [JAVIER MUMBLES] Hana Seung: The words house and home have different meanings. A house is an inanimate object. Home is a feeling. ♪ ["SHELTER FROM THE STORM" BY BOB DYLAN PLAYS] ♪ Bob Dylan: ♪ 'twas another lifetime, ♪ ♪ one of toil and blood ♪ ♪ where blackness was a virtue the road ♪ ♪ was full of mud. ♪ ♪ I came in from the wilderness, ♪ ♪ a creature void of form. ♪ ♪ Come in, she said, I'll give ya, ♪ ♪ shelter from the storm. ♪ Hana Seung: Seung, Hana. Mission Entry Phase 1. The flag is planted. It's official. Humankind has a home on Mars. Reporting to you from inside the dome which we successfully deployed early this morning on the cabin floor. All of the components are in place, pressurization is complete, and all we got to do now is decorate. What a day, guys. What a day. Over and out. Bob Dylan: ♪ Not a word was spoke between us, ♪ ♪ there was little risk involved. ♪ ♪ Everything up to that point had been left unresolved. ♪ ♪ Try imagining a place that's always safe and warm. ♪ ♪ Come in, she said, I'll give ya ♪ ♪ shelter from the storm. ♪ Hana Seung: Vega wasn't going to be a rescue mission. There would be more ships after them. And even though there was hard work to do to get the habitat ready for the next phase, the Mars mission was alive. Bob Dylan: ♪ I'm living in a foreign country, ♪ ♪ but I'm bound to cross the line. ♪ ♪ Beauty walks a razors edge. ♪ ♪ Someday I'll make it mine. ♪ ♪ If I could only turn back the clock to when ♪ ♪ god and her were born. ♪ ♪ Come in, she said, I'll give ya ♪ ♪ shelter from the storm. ♪
Plan: A: 2033; Q: When is the Daedalus mission in jeopardy? A: the crew; Q: Who struggles to find a permanent shelter? A: radiation; Q: What is the crew trying to find a shelter that can protect them from? A: The team; Q: Who must locate a suitable site for their settlement before their mission is cut short? A: the present day documentary; Q: In what documentary is the orbiter that will help future Mars missions prepare for settlement shown? A: Russia's former federal space agency; Q: What is Roscosmos? A: an orbiter; Q: What do the European Space Agency and Roscosmos partner to launch? A: advanced imagery; Q: What will the orbiter help future Mars missions prepare for settlement with? Summary: In 2033, the Daedalus mission is in jeopardy as the crew struggles to find a permanent shelter that can provide long-term protection from radiation. The team must locate a suitable site for their settlement before their mission is cut short. In the present day documentary, the European Space Agency and Roscosmos, Russia's former federal space agency, partner to launch an orbiter that will help future Mars missions prepare for settlement through advanced imagery.
LORELAI AND LUKE'S BEDROOM [Luke is asleep, Lorelai comes out of the bathroom trying to be quite, the room is only partly lit] LUKE: [half asleep] Hey. LORELAI: Hey... did I wake you? 'Cause I brushed my teeth in the shower so you wouldn't hear the sink run. LUKE: No, you didn't wake me up. LORELAI: But then it occurred to me, while I was in the shower that you could probably hear the shower run, and that defeated the purpose of the whole shower-toothbrush combo. LUKE: Why are you up so early? LORELAI: Oh, well, you know me. LUKE: I do, so why are you up so early? LORELAI: I have chores. LUKE: It's six o'clock in the morning. LORELAI: Well, it's early morning chores. LUKE: What's early morning chores? LORELAI: You know, just milking cows, feeding chickens, slopping pigs. LUKE: You have to slop pigs? LORELAI: They're certainly not gonna slop themselves. LUKE: You're being evasive. LORELAI: I'm not being evasive. I'm trying to remain mysterious so you still find me interesting 100 years from now. LUKE: Why won't you tell me where you're going? LORELAI: Well...I'm going to the flower mart. LUKE: Why? LORELAI: Because I'm meeting Sookie there because we were going to get ideas for flowers for the wedding... LUKE: oh. LORELAI: ...That is now postponed. LUKE: Right. LORELAI: But I forgot to call her last night because I did, and, uh, she's there now, waiting for me to pick out flowers. LUKE: Sorry. LORELAI: No. Hey. It's my bad. I should have called her last night. LUKE: No, I meant I was sorry about the... [Sighs] You need a ride? LORELAI: No... So, I should go. She's probably already there, and -- LUKE: Right. Go. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: I'll see you later. LORELAI: Yes. Yes, you will. LUKE: Uh, can I help? LORELAI: Help what? LUKE: Help you. LORELAI: Help me what? LUKE: Cancel stuff. LORELAI: Oh. LUKE: I mean you shouldn't have to do this all by yourself. LORELAI: No, it's fine. I'm a great canceller. I'm so smooth, people think I'm still gonna show up. I'm good. LUKE: But - LORELAI: But I should really get going, I'll see you later? LUKE: Tonight. LORELAI: Yeah...unless I cancel. [they both laugh] Just kidding. I'm not going to... oops [remembers to get something from the dresser] Go back to sleep. LUKE: [Luke gets out of bed and goes to Lorelai] Hold on... LORELAI: Ow! [They bump into each other] LUKE: God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to - [Luke laughs again] LORELAI: It's fine. It's okay. LUKE: Uw - LORELAI: It hurts so good, as Mr. Mellencamp said. Is it bleeding? LUKE: No, no. LORELAI: Okay. [Luke sighs] That's okay. I'll see you. OPENING CREDITS FLOWER MARKET [Sookie is looking at the flowers] SOOKIE: And what are those called? FLOWER VENDOR: Bluebells. SOOKIE: Ooh Bluebells, that sounds fancy. And what are those? FLOWER VENDOR: Fairy wings. SOOKIE: Fairy wings, so romantic. Do they smell good? Ohh. Terrible. Fairy wings smell like a very different part of the fairy, if you know what I mean. LORELAI: Sookie! SOOKIE: Hi! Don't smell the fairy wings. LORELAI: Don't what? SOOKIE: [Giggles] Never mind. LORELAI: Sorry I'm so late. SOOKIE: That is okay it gave me a chance to scope out the place. Sharon over there has great stuff, but she is completely anti-haggle. "This is my price, and you will pay it." You know what Sharon this is me walking away from you over to Miguel's, who's very haggle-friendly, but his roses suck. Do you want roses? LORELAI: Sookie...[Trying to get her attention] SOOKIE: Because if you don't, I saw some bluebells over at Tim's that I know are not your normal-bouquet kind of choice, but we can make something interesting out of them. LORELAI: Sookie... SOOKIE: Yes? LORELAI: The wedding has been postponed. SOOKIE: What did you do? LORELAI: What did I do? SOOKIE: Did you get cold feet? You can't get cold feet. We need to put some nice wool socks on those feet, because Luke is perfect for you. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: He waited for you to get over Christopher. He waited for you to get over Max. LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: Why do you do this? Why do you want to make yourself miserable? LORELAI: He has a kid. SOOKIE: Who has a kid? LORELAI: Luke has a kid. SOOKIE: Luke has a kid? LORELAI: Luke has a kid. SOOKIE: A kid, like a goat? LORELAI: A kid, like a daughter. She's 12 years old. He found out a few months ago, and he just told me about it yesterday. SOOKIE: Holy Moly. LORELAI: He's completely in shock, and he's trying to handle it the best way he can. SOOKIE: Drinking? LORELAI: No. SOOKIE: Xanax? LORELAI: No. He's trying to be a father, and I applaud that. SOOKIE: So for 12 years Luke's had a daughter out there just walking around? LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: That is crazy! Oh, my god. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: I wonder if Jackson has a love child. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: I saw this kid wandering around town the other day. He looked exactly like Jackson and his voice was exactly like Jackson's, plus he was holding a banana, so I think he likes fruit. LORELAI: Jackson doesn't have a son he doesn't know about. SOOKIE: Why not? Luke had a daughter he didn't know anything about. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: You think Luke's the only one with a past? You think Jackson was a monk when I met him? He had seed, and he passed it around. LORELAI: Sookie... SOOKIE: Sorry. Right. Sorry. So, how is Luke? LORELAI: He's just trying to deal. I mean, he wants to do the right thing by April. That's her name... April. SOOKIE: Pretty name. LORELAI: Yeah, he's just trying to figure everything out and the wedding was coming up so fast, we decided to postpone it for a while. SOOKIE: That sucks. LORELAI: No, it's okay. It fine, it's just I have calls to make you know, all the plans were made. SOOKIE: I'm a great dialer. What do you need? LORELAI: I have to call the printer and the caterer and the photographer and the and the... church the perfect church that only had one date available. I knew it was all too easy. I knew there had to be a catch. SOOKIE: No, there was not a catch. Luke will get over the shock of this, and he'll figure things out, and everything will be back to a big "go, go, go" again. LORELAI: Yeah know, Luke will figure it out. Everything will calm down. SOOKIE: That's right. LORELAI: I mean, it's all so fresh right now. No one's thinking straight. SOOKIE: No, they're not. LORELAI: I mean he could wake up tomorrow and feel completely differently or you know next week, maybe. SOOKIE: Maybe. LORELAI: You know maybe I shouldn't cancel everything right away. I mean I still have some time before I lose my deposit on the hall. Maybe I should just chill out and and see what happens. Is that crazy? SOOKIE: No, it's not crazy at all. LORELAI: Okay. Then...I'll wait? SOOKIE: Once more with feeling? LORELAI: Okay, then, I'll wait. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: It's early. Let's get some coffee. [They start walking] Are you talking about that Arnaz kid? SOOKIE: Yes! That's the one! LORELAI: Well, he does talk like Jackson. SOOKIE: I know, and he even gets louder at the end of his sentences! LORELAI: That's weird. SOOKIE: I told you so. YALE COURTYARD [Rory is working while walking and people are getting out of her way] LOGAN: Stop. [Rory stops walking] Look. [Rory looks down] RORY: I don't remember that being there yesterday. LOGAN: Yesterday you came from the other way, so you missed the trash can but you almost took out the bike rack. RORY: Thank god I have a guardian angel hanging out by the coffee kiosk. LOGAN: Well, it's the only place it's safe to stand with a maniac like you walking around. Plus, here, I'm guaranteed to run into you at least three times a day. [hands Rory a coffee] Your usual. RORY: You've been hanging out at this coffee cart every day. LOGAN: Yes, it's sad. I'm officially a wuss. If I saw me doing this, I'd beat the crap out of myself. RORY: You have nothing better to do with your time? LOGAN: Nothing better than to try and get you back, no. RORY: You're too slick for your own good, Huntzberger. LOGAN: Excuse me but this is not slick. This is a Nora Ephron movie. Louis Armstrong should be warbling as we talk. So come on please, put me out of my misery. You promised you'd let me take you to dinner. RORY: How 'bout Thursday night? LOGAN: Really? RORY: Yeah, I'll have turned in my article for the daily news and my Friday morning history class was canceled this week. LOGAN: Okay, great. Thursday it is 7:30. And do not think of backing out, because I will cry and eat a pint of rocky road while watching "An Affair to Remember." With Rita Wilson RORY: Of course. LOGAN: 7:30? RORY: Can't wait. LOGAN: Eyes on the road. [Rory stops reading and looks up] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Lorelai comes in the from door, dragging a bag of dog food] LORELAI: [hi pitch voice] Paul Anka, mommy's home! She comes bearing kibble! [puts down the bag] Hey, where are you?! [Closes the front door] Oh, no. [Starts looking for him] What have you done? You're hiding. That means you've done something weird. [Sees a pile of book in front of the book shelves] Oh, seriously? You know some dogs dig! It might be a nice change of pace! [Checks messages on answering machine, it beeps] BABETTE: Hey, sugar. I heard some terrible crashing sounds coming from your living room today. I tried to get in, but Luke fixed the back door, so you can't jiggle it off the hinge anymore. [Lorelai starts to clean up the books] You should really talk to him about that, sweetie. Anyhow I hope everything's okay. Call me later if it's not. Bye-bye, toots! [Answering machine beeps] RICHARD: Lorelai, it's your father. I'm calling to tell you there's been a little mistake with Rory's tuition at Yale. It Seems our check was returned to us. For whatever reason, they did not cash it. Now, don't worry. I'm sure it's just some sort of clerical mix-up. I've been on the phone with the bursar's office all morning. I'm currently waiting for a call from a Mrs. Linwood, and then I'm sure I will get this all cleared up. Tell Rory not to worry. [Lorelai picks up the phone and starts dialing a number] If anyone gives her any trouble, tell them to call me. I will call you later. Goodbye. THE PUB [Rory is at a table working her cell phone rings, she looks for it.] RORY: Hey, mom. LORELAI: Oh, you got your study voice. RORY: Yep, It goes with my pop-quiz walk and my term-paper face. LORELAI: Five minutes? RORY: Go. LORELAI: I just got a call from your grandfather. RORY: [looking a little mad] Oh yeah. LORELAI: He called to tell me Yale returned his check. He thinks it's a clerical error. RORY: Huh... LORELAI: Not a clerical error. RORY: Nope. LORELAI: They're gonna find out, kid. RORY: Yep. LORELAI: Getting charged by the word on you calling plan? RORY: What do you want me to say? LORELAI: How about "what do you think we should do?" RORY: Nothing. LORELAI: Rory they're going to find out that Christopher is paying for Yale. RORY: I know. LORELAI: And they're not gonna like it. It's gonna go over badly. It's gonna be the opening night of "taboo" all over again. RORY: They had to find out eventually, mom. LORELAI: Yes, but shouldn't they find out from you, not some office clerk at Yale? RORY: What's the worst that can happen? We won't be speaking anymore? Gee, that would suck. LORELAI: Wow. Ice, ice, baby. RORY: Sorry, not trying to be cold, but I don't think I should feel guilty because I want my father to pay for college. LORELAI: No, you shouldn't, but my parents do have feelings. You saw my mom when the gardener butchered her box hedges. RORY: Okay, fine. I'll send them an e-mail. LORELAI: Okay, fine, but you could also call and tell them yourself. It'll probably only cost you 75, maybe 80 words. RORY: [Rory looks at the newspaper in front of her] Oh, no. LORELAI: What oh, no you saw a rat "oh, no" or you cut off your thumb "oh, no"? RORY: Paris. LORELAI: Oh, no. RORY: I have to call you back. [Rory starts packing up her stuff] YALE DAILY NEW ROOM [Paris is in a bad mood] PARIS: The point is vague. A.K.: The point is not vague. PARIS: The point is vague! The conclusions are insane. [Rory come in the background] A.K.: The conclusions are Johns Hopkins', not mine. PARIS: The research is sloppy, the sources are unreliable, the font is wrong, the paper feels thin, and the by-line should read "story by a petulant 2-year-old "who had one too many black and tans last night and so this is what you people get to read." Fix it! [Walks toward the water cooler] PARIS: [To Rory] I can't get anyone to write their names on their cups and use them again. It doesn't seem that hard. Open sharpie, write name. RORY: Maybe people don't want to reuse a paper cup. PARIS: Well then, hopefully people who don't want to reuse a paper cup won't mind buying SPF 5000 for their grandkids when the rainforest is gone and the ozone layer is a doily and the human race is bursting into flames. RORY: Maybe we could just tell everyone to bring a mug for their water. PARIS: We could, but they won't bring a mug, just like they won't properly proof their articles or double-check their sources. RORY: Paris, did something happen? You seem upset. PARIS: I'm just dealing with the usual incompetence around here, that's all. RORY: [Shows Paris the newspaper] What happened here? PARIS: Our pictures have sucked eggs lately, and so I sent out two photographers to cover the same story. They each came back with about 40 of the crappiest pictures ever to have been committed to film, completely unusable. RORY: It was supposed to be a picture of a football game. PARIS: I know. RORY: Well, was there one with a guy in a helmet holding a football? Because that's really all you need. PARIS: They were predictable and standard. RORY: Guy in helmet holding ball. PARIS: Cover of the Harvard crimson, after the big game, guy with helmet holding ball. Stanford game, guy in helmet holding ball. I wanted something more okay, something that really said something about the game. RORY: Like "we forgot to go"? PARIS: And then, of course, when the temperamental artistes found out I had double-booked the gig, they threw Naomi Campbell-level hissy fits and quit. RORY: So you just left it blank? Why, to make them look bad? Because it doesn't make them look bad. It makes you look bad. PARIS: It was up to the sports editor to inform me that no picture was approved. RORY: You needed someone to remind you, you didn't approve a picture? PARIS: Hey, I have a million different things I am doing here! RORY: Paris, we cannot be publishing papers that have blank spots in them, and we cannot have all our photographers quit because there's not an endless supply of them. PARIS: Oh please, how hard is it to look through a hole and push a button? I can do it myself. How are you doing on your story? RORY: Fine. You'll have it first thing tomorrow morning. PARIS: Finally, one person I can count on. [Putting papers one someone's desk] These need more work. BILL: These are locked. PARIS: Well, unlock them. You've got entire paragraphs cut out. This is hours of work. The paper comes out tomorrow. I'd have to track down every writer, get them in her to re-write... PARIS: Then track them down, because those stories are not going in the paper like that. [Walks away and into a "bunker" she has made out of cubical partitions and sheets of iron on top] BILL: She's out of control. She's a mad dictator. She's the kind of dictator they don't just like to kill. She's the kind I'd like to drag through the streets and then hang from a lamppost for a month and a half. RORY: Let's just get this paper out. Where's Sheila? BILL: Sick. RORY: What about Joni? BILL: Sick. RORY: There's an awful lot of sickness going on around here lately. BILL: Yes, there certainly is and there's probably going to be a lot more very soon. [On the phone] Michelle? Bill. Well, I just talked to Paris and you know what that means. Easy, just the messenger. [Paris speeds out of the "bunker" to a desk and tears up the papers she was holding, then goes back to the "bunker"] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Lorelai is at the Kitchen table with a plate of dessert in front of her, she is dialing a number on the phone. The phone rings in Richards office] RICHARD: Hello? LORELAI: Hi, dad. It's Lorelai. EMILY: Lorelai? LORELAI: Mom? RICHARD: Emily? EMILY: Richard? LORELAI: Rowan? Martin? RICHARD: Lorelai called me, Emily. EMILY: She did, what for? RICHARD: I don't know, she hasn't told me yet. EMILY: Lorelai, why did you call your father? LORELAI: Well I just wanted to know how he was doing. RICHARD: I'm doing fine. LORELAI: Very glad to hear that. RICHARD: All right. It's good of you to check in. EMILY: Goodbye, Lorelai. LORELAI: Whoa, guys, wait. RICHARD: Is there more? LORELAI: More than the nothing there just was? Yes, there's more. EMILY: Hurry up, please. I'm meeting Bill Chandler at the club, and I'm late. LORELAI: Okay, well, I just wanted to tell you that there was no mistake with your Yale check. RICHARD: There wasn't? LORELAI: No um, they sent you back your check because Yale has already been paid for. EMILY: By whom? LORELAI: By Christopher. EMILY: Christopher who? LORELAI: Christopher Isherwood. That "cabaret" money was burning a hole in his pocket. You know what Christopher, mom...His grandfather passed away recently and left him some money and he just wanted to do something for Rory. He's trying to be a dad for once. I thought it seemed like a good idea. [Emily slams down the phone] LORELAI: Hello? Guys, are you there? RICHARD: I'm here, Lorelai. Your mother had to go. LORELAI: Oh, dad, please don't read too much into this. I mean, when was the last time Christopher wanted to do anything for Rory? He wants to contribute. This is a good thing... This is not a snub, dad, I swear. Rory and I are so grateful for everything you and mom have done, all the help you've given her. She would not be in Yale right now if it weren't for you and she would never have gone to Chilton. She would have graduated Stars Hollow high and then gone to community college and then beauty school. RICHARD: I have to go, Lorelai. LORELAI: Dad! RICHARD: I appreciate the phone call. I simply wish it had come before I called every person in the bursar's office a moron. LORELAI: Well...if it will make you feel any better, odds are, at least two of them truly deserved it. [Richard chuckles] YALE CAFETERIA [Lorelai and Rory and walking] LORELAI: I can't believe you didn't dress crazy like we agreed. RORY: We never agreed to dress crazy. LORELAI: What are you talking about? We did so, on the phone last night when we made our lunch plans. RORY: You saying, "hey, let's dress crazy," does not equate to us agreeing to dress crazy. LORELAI: For years, it did. RORY: Well, for years, you bought my clothes for me, so I had very little choice. LORELAI: Oh, so typical, kid grows up, goes to a fancy school, becomes a snob, and is suddenly ashamed of her mother. You totally Mildred Pierced me. RORY: I did not Mildred Pierce you. LORELAI: Oh, you'll miss me when I'm gone. RORY: Oh, my god. LORELAI: Just an observation. The food here has gotten worse. Ooh, coffee! RORY: You have coffee in your hand. LORELAI: By the time she makes a new one, the old one will be gone. RORY: Okay, two, please. LORELAI: Two double cappuccinos, please. [Rory hands over some money] RORY: Thanks for having lunch with me. LORELAI: Well, you paid. RORY: So, guess what. LORELAI: What? RORY: I'm having dinner with Logan tonight. LORELAI: So, he finally wormed his way back in, huh? RORY: He did, at that. LORELAI: Is he taking you someplace fabulous? RORY: Odds are. LORELAI: Want to borrow my scarf? RORY: Wait for the wedding night? LORELAI: [giggles] You got it. [Takes coffee from vendor] Ooh, thank you, ma'am. Well, I talked to your grandparents last night. RORY: Oh, so now they're my grandparents. LORELAI: I told them about Yale. RORY: Good. LORELAI: Good. RORY: I'm glad. LORELAI: You're glad I told them or you're glad they know? RORY: Both. LORELAI: You want to know how they took it? RORY: No. LORELAI: They took it great. Mom practically broke the phone, she hung up so hard, and dad, well, dad was solemn, quiet, sad. It was a huge success. Okay here's how I see it, you and your grandparents are at a huge crossroads. A press-avis if you will. They are the bridges of Madison county, and you are Meryl Streep. RORY: As the paper pages go flying off the calendar. LORELAI: Hey, listen to me. I'm serious here. I know you and your grandparents are playing the "who can freeze out who the longest?" Which I know can be fun, but if you ever hope to have a relationship with them again, then someone needs to make the first move. I remember the first Christmas after we left Hartford. We were at The Independence Inn, and I got an invitation to their annual Christmas party, and I didn't go, and that one move defined our entire future relationship. I mean, if I had gone, it would have been awful, but it would have broken the ice, and maybe and I know this is a big "maybe" but maybe we would have been a tad closer than we are now or could ever hope to be. RORY: Maybe, maybe not. LORELAI: I just know how much you love your grandparents and how important to you it was to have a relationship with them, and I don't want the fact that you inherited my stubbornness to screw all that up. RORY: Okay, I hear you. LORELAI: Do you? Because my scarf is screaming as loud as it can. RORY: I will think about it. LORELAI: Alright...You have till 6:45 Friday night, then we're having dinner with them. RORY: What?! LORELAI: I made the plans last night. RORY: But -- LORELAI: Come on, Rory. Friday night dinners, cocktails, Mozart, mind games, good times. RORY: Yeah, but I'm not so sure about this. LORELAI: Rory mom already said she's really into this, you can't back out now. RORY: She is? LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: Grandma said she was "into this"? LORELAI: Well, you know, she didn't say it like that, but she said, [English accent] "oh! Dinner with Rory! "How delightful! Well, spit-spot. Alert the corgis." RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Yes, yes, she's into it. Now, what do you say? RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Okay? Do you want to wear my scarf to dinner? I know you do. YALE PAPER NEWS ROOM [It is abnormally quite, not many people] RORY: Bill. BILL: Well, look who's all dressed up for the ball. RORY: I sent in my story this morning and never got a confirmation call, did you get it? BILL: Yep. RORY: Well, no one called me in for a final edit and I need to finish this up now. I have a date tonight. So, who is the copy editor on my piece? BILL: That would be Michael. RORY: Well, where is Michael and everyone else? BILL: Well, let's see. The sports department, city department, entertainment department, and feature department, other than you, have quit. Michael quit. Sylvia quit. Joni quit. Sheila's sick tonight, but as soon as she's better, she's going to quit. RORY: Great. BILL: Oh, not done. The senior editor quit. The entire copy department quit. The little fellow who brought around sandwiches in the basket quit. RORY: Okay, fine, I get it. Everyone quit. BILL: Not everyone, but close. It was quite an exodus, very biblical. All that was missing were the Cabala bracelets and the Matzo. RORY: Whatever. We'll figure that out later. Right now I just need to finish my article, so I guess you and I can do it together. BILL: We could, but I quit, too. RORY: What? BILL: Right after Joni. I bowed out. I actually bowed, physically bowed. RORY: Then what are you doing here? BILL: Are you kidding, I'm going to have a ringside seat for the event of the century. Tonight will be the first time ever in the history of the Yale daily news that the paper does not come out. RORY: Very nice. BILL: D-day, the paper came out. Kennedy gets shot, the paper comes out. But three months of the Geller reign of terror, and the whole damn institution comes tumbling down. RORY: You suck, Bill. [Rory goes to the "bunker"] RORY: Paris? [She goes inside] Holy crap. PARIS: [she is busy working] I can't talk now. RORY: What happened to this place? There's no air in here or light. Where are your fire exits? You love fire exits. PARIS: No one can write a lead, no one. RORY: [sighs] Paris, do you have any idea what's going on out there? PARIS: I can't think about that now. RORY: Half the staff has quit, no more than half the staff has quit and there's no one out there working. PARIS: There's no one out there working when there's people out there working. Ship of fools. RORY: Paris, the paper's not gonna come out. PARIS: Of course it is. RORY: How? Nothing's done. PARIS: I'm working on it. RORY: Alone? PARIS: I can do it alone. I've been doing it alone for months. No man is an island, but this woman is. RORY: But, Paris. PARIS: I've got it all scheduled out. As long as I stick to the schedule, everything's going to be fine. I'm finishing up a review of the drama club's production of "Sweeney Todd" now. Then 9:30 to 10:00, I'm gonna finalize the layout. 10:00 to 11:00 copy editing. 11:00 to 12:30... RORY: Let me see that...Paris, there's like 100 hours of work on this and 5 hours till the paper comes out. PARIS: I'll get it done. RORY: You better get bitten by that radioactive spider pretty damn fast here. PARIS: I'll get it done, I just have to focus and just have to stop allowing myself to be distracted. RORY: Paris! PARIS: [Yells] Don't distract me! [Puts on ear muffs, Rory leaves the "bunker"] RORY: Okay, everyone, listen up. We have work to do. You, t-shirt, you're doing layout. And, you, saggy pants, get all the heelers' numbers, call them and tell them to get in here, they've just been promoted. And Tally I need Sheila and Joni's numbers A.S.A.P. Come on, people! Move! We've got a paper to get out! [Everyone starts to get busy] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Sookie and Lorelai enter the front door] SOOKIE: I just think that if Michel had somebody to come home to, he might go home. LORELAI: Oh, he's been driving me crazy about turning the stable into a spa. SOOKIE: What would we do with the horses? LORELAI: Well, we'd work them in. We'd have the first hot-hoof massage on the east coast. SOOKIE: 'Cause they've already got them in California. LORELAI: Yeah [giggling] Hi, Paul Anka. You haven't done anything weird yet today, I see. Do you remember Sookie? SOOKIE: Hi, Paul Anka. You're gonna come spend the night with me. Are you sure this is okay? LORELAI: Yeah It's fine. SOOKIE: We think a dog would be good for Davey, he love him. I just want to make sure that Jackson and I are dog people first. LORELAI: Aw, you are. SOOKIE: Hmm, I mean, I know babies, but dogs... LORELAI: Are just furry babies. Here keep him occupied for a second. SOOKIE: Ooo, Hi, Paul Anka. You want to come have a sleepover at my house, huh? [to Lorelai] What are you doing? LORELAI: Uh, he freaks out if he sees his leash. You have to make sure you hide it from him, make sure he doesn't see you putting it on him. SOOKIE: How is he once he's on the leash? LORELAI: Oh he's totally fine having his freedom slowly stripped away as long as he's completely unaware that it's happening, just like a true American. It's all yours. [Hands Sookie the leash] SOOKIE: Thanks Come on, Paul Anka. Come on we're gonna have fun tonight. Yes we are. [they both giggle] [Lorelai checks the answering machine for messages] LUKE: I hope you had a good day with Rory. I would have called you earlier, but I didn't want to interrupt the fun, so I thought I'd try you at home, but you're not at home. Anyhow, April is coming to the diner tonight from 5:00 to 8:00, so I'll see you here after 8:00. Okay, bye. LORELAI: [snorts] Hum... SOOKIE: After 8:00? LORELAI: Yeah, that's what he said. SOOKIE: I guess you two decided that you're not gonna see the kid. LORELAI: Yeah, I guess we did. [sounding a little annoyed] SOOKIE: Hey, if we get a dog, we're gonna name it Chef. Get it? 'Cause I'm a cook. LORELAI: Oh, cool. SOOKIE: You want me to leave Paul Anka? LORELAI: No, take him. I'm great. SOOKIE: You are? LORELAI: Yeah, I think that's what we decided. [rolls her eyes] SOOKIE: [to Paul Anka] Come on. Come on. LORELAI: Bye, hon. OUTSIDE THE SODA SHOPPE [A line of people are waiting, Lorelai walks past and into the shop] KIRK: One sample per person, people, one sample only. Don't make me use the candy thermometer on you. [Lorelai enters and sees April through the window sitting at the counter in the dinner] RUTHIE: [To Lorelai] Hey. There's a line. LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry. I was just... RUTHIE: I know what you were doing. LORELAI: I wasn't to do anything... MAN: You're trying to shove in for the free chocolate. LORELAI: I wasn't trying, [surprised] free chocolate, really? KIRK: European hot chocolate. It's like mud but chocolaty. RUTHIE: And you were trying to shove in the line... BABETTE: Oh, can it, Ruthie. When your foot's not in your mouth, you don't know what to do with yourself. Come on sugar. [guides Lorelai to the counter] LORELAI: Oh but there's a... BABETTE: Two, Kirk. KIRK: You'll have to wait in line... BABETTE: [takes two from Kirk] Here, doll. Cheers. LORELAI: Cheers. BABETTE: Oh, patty, did I tell you about Tilly's new face-lift? Scotch tape. [Patty laughs] [Lorelai goes over to a table near the window and sits down, to look at April and Luke, In the background Kirk can be heard] KIRK: Next...here you go...one for you...piping hot chocolate get it's hot. BABETTE: What are we looking at? LORELAI: Oh I don't... MISS PATTY: Oh, I know what we're looking at. We're looking at Luke and his daughter. LORELAI: How did you know that? BABETTE: That was page-one news around here for a week. So, what's the scoop? LORELAI: Oh well, I don't know. MISS PATTY: All we know is that she's 12 years old and that she's seeking him out. BABETTE: I heard her mother was that Nardini girl. Remember her, MISS PATTY: Oh, yeah. She was beautiful. BABETTE: What's she look like now? LORELAI: I don't know. MISS PATTY: You don't? LORELAI: Well I haven't really meet... BABETTE: Luke was pretty serious about her. He tell you about them? LORELAI: No, but I don't tell him about my boyfriends either. MISS PATTY: Well, no, because he's met all of them already. LORELAI: He hasn't met all of them, some. BABETTE: Most. MISS PATTY: Well, what's the kid like? BABETTE: Yeah. You get along? LORELAI: Oh, well, we will. MISS PATTY: You mean you don't know? BABETTE: [too Miss Patty] That's to be expected. MISS PATTY: She looks like a reader. Is she a reader? BABETTE: Can you imagine Luke with a reader? MISS PATTY: Oh, I can't imagine Luke with a daughter. BABETTE: Can you imagine Luke with a kid? MISS PATTY: Oh, my god, I can't believe that. Luke has a kid. Can you believe Luke has a kid? LORELAI: He's not a 100-year-old eunuch or anything. RUTHIE: There's other people here who would like a table. BABETTE: We're busy. Go lick the empties. RUTHIE: Busy doing what? LORELAI: Nothing, nothing. MISS PATTY: We're looking at Luke's kid. LORELAI: Patty! MISS PATTY: Well, honey, everyone knows. RUTHIE: That's her? LADY: Luke's kid? MISS PATTY: Up at the counter. BABETTE: Lorelai was just about to give us the inside scoop. [A crowd starts to form around the table] LORELAI: I was not about to give you the... MISS PATTY: So, do they want money? LORELAI: I don't think so... MISS PATTY: Do you think that Luke's gonna get a lawyer, does he want custody? LORELAI: I don't know he could... RUTHIE: Are you sure that's his kid? She's reading. KIRK: You're clogging up the flow here. MISS PATTY: We're looking at Luke's kid. KIRK: So that's Luke's kid. Well, well, well, what is she reading, a book? [Babette laughs, Crowd murmuring, Lorelai gets up] LORELAI: Would you excuse me, I just have to, pardon me. Yeah. [Luke sees the crowd at the table and is annoyed, he didn't see Lorelai leave] [SCENE_BREAK] YALE NEWSROOM [It's busy and Rory is leading still giving orders] RORY: Okay. No, yes, done, go. And triple-check the changes. Make sure it makes sense. [To Joni] How are we doing? JONI: I have a very strong opinion that I have no opinion on the opinion piece. RORY: And the subject is? JONI: Hand blowers in the bathrooms. RORY: And the Pulitzer prize goes to? Just make sure it's done in 20 minutes. SHEILA: Printer's on the phone. We're losing our spot. RORY: Hello? Who am I speaking to? Hello, Russell. This is Rory Gilmore. What's this I hear about us losing our spot? ...Yes...Well, we had an epidemic hit our staff this week, and, unfortunately, it has put us a bit behind. However, we are quickly getting back on track, and maybe, considering the circumstances, you could cut us a little slack, give us a bit of an extension... I know, but we've never asked for it before, and we will never ask for it again...By the way, you sound like a very handsome man, Russell... Yes, I'm using my wiles and everything else I can to get you to... one hour. I'll take it. Thank you, Russell. You have a slightly inappropriate Christmas card coming your way this year. [To the news room] We have a one-hour extension! [Sighs] That one and use them both if we need to fill space. BILL: Hey, I was cat's-cradling! RORY: Bill, get your ass out of that chair and work or get your ass out of that chair and leave. Either way, get your ass out of that chair. BILL: I am not interested in helping Paris do anything. RORY: You wouldn't be helping Paris. You would be helping me. BILL: Fine, but if Punxsutawney Phil sticks her head out of her hole, I am out of here. RORY: Interested in some desking? BILL: I'm on it. MAN: Computer crashed again. RORY: Unplug it and plug it back in. If that doesn't work, call I.T. And get someone over here now. [To Logan] Oh, my god. Our date. I'm so sorry. Paris melted down and everyone quit and the paper wasn't gonna come out, and I only found out about it because no one called me to confirm they got my story, so I called in all the heelers, and I got Sheila and Joni to come in, and I called Pete, who said he was sick, but I threatened his job, so he came in, but he was really sick, so I just sent him home so he did get everyone else sick. Plus, the printers are trying to give our time away, the computers keep crashing, and then there's the tiny little detail of nothing's done. And d-day, the paper came out, and I forgot. I'm sorry. LOGAN: I can't believe you didn't call me. RORY: I know, but it's just paper stuff. LOGAN: I know. I'm on the paper. RORY: You hate it here. LOGAN: I know this crap backwards and forwards. I can't believe you didn't even think to call me. RORY: Well, I'm sorry. I just didn't think you were interested. LOGAN: Well then I guess you don't know everything, now, do you? So come on what have you got here? RORY: Well, this is an article on Greenspan. He gave an interview with all this technical economic jargon. LOGAN: I know the jargon. [Looking at other papers] Are these proofed? RORY: Yeah, but they're not typed in yet. LOGAN: I'll do that I'll be faster I type 90 words a minute. RORY: You do? LOGAN: You really did only like me for my looks, huh? How you doing on content? RORY: Uh, still a little short. LOGAN: Okay, I got a couple stories banked that I didn't give Paris. There in pretty decent shape you can take a look at them. RORY: Okay. LOGAN: And just remember, if you still need material, cannibalize everything you have ready for Friday's issue. RORY: Robbing Peter to pay Paul. LOGAN: Peter's asking for it. Okay so, who do you have desking? RORY: Bill. LOGAN: I'd throw Sheila on there with him. It will hurt his ego and make him work faster. Okay I'll be over here if you need me and [Too Bill] get that yo-yo off the floor. Somebody's gonna break their neck. [Logan walks away and Rory looks pleased] LORELAI AND LUKE'S HOUSE [Their bedroom, they are getting ready for bed] LUKE: I mean, can you believe she reads? I have a kid who reads. Crazy! She sat there for hours doing her homework, geometry. That's some crazy stuff. I actually bought a book, "geometry for dummies." I stash it in the kitchen and run back there every time she asks me a question, thinking I can keep up with her but I can't figure out what the hell it says. I mean, it's just this mess of weird symbols and shapes and, I wonder if there's another book I could get. LORELAI: Um, "'geometry for dummies' for dummies"? LUKE: Yes, exactly. LORELAI: Luke, she has teachers. And all you have to do is nod and smile. That's what I did with Rory. LUKE: I just want her to, you know, [sighs] not be embarrassed I'm her dad. LORELAI: Impossible. LUKE: Well, step by step you know, first step, making sure she's comfortable around me. LORELAI: She sure seems to be, I mean, you know, 'cause she's coming here and hanging out at the diner. She wouldn't do that if she was uncomfortable. LUKE: Yeah, well, she's gonna be with this village of idiots I live in. Do you know tonight, she comes to the diner, right? She's sitting at the counter, doing her homework there. I look over at the Soda Shoppe, and the whole damn town is staring through the window at us. LORELAI: No! LUKE: Oh yeah like we're monkeys in a zoo. I could have killed them all. LORELAI: That's terrible what happened? LUKE: Nothing she didn't notice anything. She was too busy studying. I just couldn't believe those people. I mean can't they get that this is a private thing, I'm trying to get to know my kid? I mean you understand, you're not all over me about this. You get that we need some alone time. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, I do. I totally do. LUKE: Thank you. [they kiss] LORELAI: Sure. Any time. YALE NEWSROOM [People are gathered around a computer, Rory and Logan are up front.] RORY: Did we verify the dean of admissions quote? LOGAN: Twice. How are we doing on time? BILL: Uh, bad. LOGAN: More specifically? JONI: 10 minutes. RORY: We'll make it. LOGAN: We will make it. Spelling on name, it's Cheevers' name? JONI: c-h-e-e-v-e-r-s. LOGAN: You're sure about the double e's? JONI: Not at all. LOGAN: Two e's it is. Okay. And I'm done. RORY: Close out. I'll cut and paste it to the final copy. LOGAN: Closing out. Wow! So, that's what hard work feels like. Apparently I've been avoiding it for a reason. You in Ace. RORY: I'm in. Proceeding with the cut and paste now. BILL: [Telephone rings, Bill rushed for it] The daily news. LOGAN: Aw, man. RORY: Why are you smiling? LOGAN: I'm thinking about the hundreds of different ways you owe me for this. RORY: I owe you nothing. You did this for the greater good. For the glory of the paper. LOGAN: For a foot massage. A.K.: Are we close? RORY: Very, very close. BILL: Well, kids, hold on to your hats. We are losing our printing time. RORY: No! Remind Russell about the Christmas card. BILL: I don't think he cares. He's giving it to the Cart. RORY: No, he can't! BILL: He did. RORY: Ohh! So, that's it? We just lose? After all this work, we just lose? LOGAN: Keep typing, ace. RORY: Why? What's the point? LOGAN: Type! BILL: Well, I guess you'll be talking on the phone now. LOGAN: Go away, Bill. Hey... Hay, who am I speaking with? Russell, I'm Logan Huntzberger... Yes, those Huntzbergers...It's great to speak with you, too. I hear there's a problem with our printing time? Uh-huh. No, I completely understand. The first thing I learned from my father is that there's no paper unless it gets to the printer on time. Yes he is quite a legend, my father. I'd love to introduce you to him sometime. Anyway, Russell, the thing is we actually sent the issue to you already... Oh...Yes, at least 15 minutes ago. Now, if you're having a problem with your server, we shouldn't be penalized for that, right? Yeah, it should be in the system right now. Sure. Go check... But before you do, if you could spell your name for me, I want to have the correct pronunciation when I speak with my father. Uh-huh, Russell. Damn! My pen broke. Hold on. [people start looking for a pen, but Logan doesn't really want one] I'm looking for a pen. I'm looking for a pen. Looking for a pen. RORY: Almost there. LOGAN: Okay. I found a pen. Here we go. What's your name? "Russell Smith." Okay I didn't really need a pen for that one, now, did I? Okay, Russell Smith, if you go to your computer, [speaking slowly] I am definitely, absolutely sure that you will turn it on and you will see that we, The Yale Daily News, have successfully completed our mission and sent to you our e-mail containing the latest issue of the [back to normal speed] it's all there, man. [Sighs] RORY: What, what's happening? LOGAN: You got it? All right, great. It's been great speaking with you, too. I'll tell my father, bye. [hangs up the phone] And that's how we do it at the day news. [Cheers] PARIS: [coming out of hiding] All right! We got the paper out! That's what I'm talking about, people! Good hustle! Really good hustle! And they said we couldn't do it, huh? Boy, what a rush, right?! RORY: So, I'm just saying that when that giant asteroid heads toward earth, I want you in that fighter jet. LOGAN: Thanks for the vote of confidence. RORY: You saved my ass. LOGAN: Infinitely worth saving. RORY: Thank you. LOGAN: You're welcome. [They kiss] RORY: I'm sorry we didn't get our dinner. LOGAN: We didn't...Huh. [pulls a paper bag from his desk] I thought that we did. [sets up some drinks and candle, helps Rory sit and hands her some food.] RORY: Boy, when you're on... GILMORE MANSION - OUTSIDE FRONT DOOR [Lorelai and Rory are looking at the front door] LORELAI: [Telling a story] Once upon a time, there was a big house with thick glass windows and heavy stone walls and a slightly pornographic fountain in the driveway. And all the animals in the forest were scared of the house 'cause they thought that the house was haunted, and so did all the villagers in the small hamlet of Hartfordshireville. "Maids go in, but they never come out," they would whisper on the street. [To Rory] How are we doing? RORY: Keep going. LORELAI: One day, a beautiful, young Cowherderess walked by the house. RORY: Cowherderess? LORELAI: Hey, we could just go in, you know? RORY: Cowherderess is walking by. LORELAI: And suddenly she felt the unbearable need for a strand of pearls and a snifter of 100-year-old scotch. So, abandoning her cows, she climbed over the high walls and dropped onto the just-redone tiled walkway and rushed toward the enchanted French doors that the queen had never been happy with because the hardware was not what she had picked, and she refused to pay that idiot designer that she hired off of a recommendation, and [To Rory again] okay, seriously, this didn't work when you were 4. I am not sure why you thought it would do any good now. [Sighs] It's gonna be fine. RORY: I know. LORELAI: Come on, my little Cowherderess. Do you want to press the bell, or should I? [Rory presses the door bell.] LORELAI: Hi. MAID: Hello. Come in. LORELAI: Oh, thank you. See? We've been invited in. Such a great start, don't you think? RORY: [quietly] Huh. MAID: May I take your coats? LORELAI: Oh, yes, thank you. MAID: Mr. Gilmore is in the living room. [They move into the living room, Richard is reading a book.] LORELAI: Hi. [Chuckles] Hey, dad. RORY: Hi, grandpa. RICHARD: Hello, Lorelai. Rory, how nice to see you. LORELAI: Yeah, you too. RICHARD: Would you like a drink? LORELAI: Yeah, that would be great. [Richard goes back to reading] LORELAI: [A pause] ...I can get it. RICHARD: Just wanted to finish the sentence. Excellent book, shame to put it down. I hope martinis will be fine. LORELAI: Ooh, better than fine. RICHARD: Will Rory be having a martini? LORELAI: Yes, she will. RORY: A really small one. LORELAI: Oh, something smells really good, doesn't it, Rory? RORY: It does. It smells really good. EMILY: [Enters from ratio] Oh. You're here. LORELAI: Oh, mom. Where'd you come from? RORY: Hi, grandma. EMILY: Hello, Rory. Are you getting them a drink, Richard? RICHARD: Yes, I am, Emily. LORELAI: Something smells really good, mom. EMILY: Oh, good. Well, enjoy your drinks. They're doing a showing for my art class at the D.A.R., And I'm doing a moonscape. I'm just finishing it up out on the patio. LORELAI: You're painting? EMILY: I am. LORELAI: Right now? EMILY: Well, you never know when inspiration's going to hit. You know, I'm actually getting pretty good. I think I have a shot at a medal. Excuse me. RICHARD: Two martinis. LORELAI: Oh, thank you, dad. RORY: Boy, that's a serious martini. RICHARD: Drink what you like. Leave the rest... So, what's new? LORELAI: Oh, um, well, not too much. Um, things at the inn are going well. Business, you know. Um, we're booked up through... RICHARD: My martini's not cold enough. How's yours? LORELAI: Mine's fine. RICHARD: I'm gonna get new ice. I'll make another batch. [Leaves the room] RORY: Grandma's outside painting moonscapes. LORELAI: Well, she thinks she can get a medal. RORY: I thought you said she wanted me to come. LORELAI: She did. RORY: Mom, she is sitting outside in the 40-degree weather painting moonscapes so she doesn't have to be inside with me. LORELAI: That is not the reason. RORY: Did she or did she not say she wanted us to come over for dinner? LORELAI: She did not say it, but I know deep down she does. RORY: But you lied to me. RICHARD: [returning] New ice. I can re-shake yours if you like. LORELAI: Hey, dad, is something wrong? RICHARD: Wrong? LORELAI: Yeah, you're very picky about your ice, and mom's painting. RICHARD: There's nothing wrong, Lorelai. LORELAI: Is mom still mad? RICHARD: Mad at whom? RORY: Mad at me? RICHARD: Anger is a useless emotion Rory, It's a waste of time. Your mother has a shot at a medal. That's all that's going on around here. LORELAI: Okay, right. [Goes to the patio door] Mom, could you come in here just for a sec? I'd like to ask you something. EMILY: Well...all right. LORELAI: Can you sit down for a minute? EMILY: Let me go change first. LORELAI: Sit down first. EMILY: I can't sit down in my painting clothes. LORELAI: Why are they painted on? EMILY: I'll go upstairs and shower and change. LORELAI: [Angry] Mom! RICHARD: This ice has a funny taste to it, I'm gonna get some more. LORELAI: Now, come on, you two. Can we please just talk about this? EMILY: Talk about what. LORELAI: You're obviously upset about Christopher paying for Yale and I get it. We should have told you earlier, but let me just explain how it happened. RORY: No. It's my responsibility. Let me explain. EMILY: I don't think anyone needs to explain anything except why I'm not being allowed to clean myself. RORY: He came to me, and he asked if he could do anything and... RICHARD: this really isn't necessary. RORY: I let him pay for Yale. He's my father. EMILY: [Laughs] LORELAI: You know something I don't, mom? EMILY: How convenient that he's her father now. RICHARD: Perhaps your father can reimburse me for the five cases of scotch I had to send the men in the bursar's office. RORY: I sure he would be happy to. EMILY: You know what else I find amusing? LORELAI: "Reno 911!"? EMILY: I find it very amusing that Christopher is suddenly such a wonderful person. LORELAI: Mom! EMILY: It seams to me when I was in cahoots with him, everyone thought that I was a villain, and now suddenly you're in cahoots with him, and that's perfectly fine. LORELAI: Please don't say "cahoots" anymore. It's disturbing. EMILY: You're being hypocritical, don't you think? LORELAI: No I don't, you were trying to break Luke and me up, and I'm trying to put Rory through college. RICHARD: Rory was already being put through college by us. EMILY: That's right. RORY: I didn't want you to pay for it anymore. EMILY: There, there it is. RICHARD: So you went to Christopher. RORY: He came to me. EMILY: Oh, please. You just wanted to hurt us. RORY: By taking money from my father? RICHARD: Yes, exactly! EMILY: I've had enough of this. I'm going back out to touch up my moonscape. RICHARD: I have some work to do. RORY: Fine I have to go anyhow. [They all start waling away] LORELAI: Hey!... This is not gonna happen. You're not going back out to your moonscape, you're not going back to work, and you're not going home. Now, we all agreed to have Friday night dinner, and we're here, and I smell dinner, and, yes, apparently there are some issues to be worked out, but no one, and I mean no one, is leaving here until we do! [Cut to the dining room and diner has started] RORY: Things were out of control. EMILY: Not the point, simply not the... RORY: It is completely the... RICHARD: Rory, do not cut your grandmother off. RORY: I'm just saying... EMILY: You come running to us, begging us to take you in because you can't possibly deal with your mother. RORY: That's not what happened. EMILY: We take you in we pay to redecorate the pool house so you can have a place all your own. RORY: I did not ask you to do that. EMILY: You accepted it you did not turn it down. I didn't hear you saying, "grandma, stop." I didn't see you throw yourself at the decorators while they were putting up your very expensive wallpaper! And then when you don't like how things are going, you leave! RICHARD: With no notice, by the way, and you leave two strange boys in our house unsupervised. EMILY: We're missing two picture frames, by the way. RORY: Colin and Finn did not steal your pictures! RICHARD: [yelling] Do not raise your voice to your grandmother! EMILY: I never realized how spoiled you were, Rory, but I guess that's to be expected. Only children are always spoiled. RORY: I'm sorry I didn't leave a note. EMILY: My, that sounds heartfelt. Doesn't that sound heartfelt, Richard? RICHARD: Well I've never been more touched in all my life. RORY: I apologize. You don't believe it. I try to defend myself, and you don't want to hear it. So, apparently, there's nothing I can do here. EMILY: Oh, there's plenty you can do. RORY: What? What can I do? EMILY: Well first of all you can admit what you've done. You can apologize! RORY: I was just trying to apologize! LORELAI: Cut her some slack, mom! Rory was going through something terrible! EMILY: Life is full of terrible things, Lorelai. LORELAI: She was emotional when you're emotional, you don't think clearly. I remember a woman who tried to buy a plane when her granddaughter moved out. EMILY: I tried to time-share a plane. It is in no way even close to the same thing. LORELAI: [The maid comes in] I've never been so happy to see a salad in my entire life. [Cut to later in the meal] LORELAI: Ugh! I can't believe what I'm hearing! EMILY: If we'd known the extent of the issue, we might not have taken Rory in. LORELAI: I tried to tell you! EMILY: You did not! LORELAI: I came here and I told you exactly what happened with Mitchum, and you didn't want to hear it. RICHARD: I don't remember that! EMILY: I don't either! [change of seating] LORELAI: [reenacting the scene, Lorelai is quite worked up] "The Huntzbergers told her she wasn't good enough, and Mitchum told her she didn't have it." "He what?!" "Yes, and now she's dropped out of Yale, but the three of us can knock some sense into her." "Of course we'll help you. This is not happening." "I'll call Charlie Davenport tomorrow." "Thank you, guys, so much. Just thank you." End scene! [Hits the table] [Cut to desert, every] LORELAI: This is really good sorbet. EMILY: I know isn't it? Theresa made it herself. RORY: Mango? EMILY: Passion fruit. LORELAI: Delicious. RICHARD: It certainly is. [cut to Lorelai and Rory in the dining room drinking coffee, Emily and Richard can be heard shouting off screen] RICHARD: What are you thinking, buying an airplane?! EMILY: I didn't buy it. I looked at it! RICHARD: Well, what were you doing looking at a plane?! EMILY: I can look at a plane if I want to look at a plane! [cut to the living room, everyone is laughing] EMILY: So I lead her over to the good table, smiling like we are the best friends in the world, and I tell her, "Shira, you don't think Rory "is good enough to be in your family? "She is. We are just as good as you are. "After all, you are nothing but a two-bit gold digger, and how you managed to bag Mitchum I will never know." LORELAI: You did not. RICHARD: Oh, yes, she did. EMILY: I told her Mitchum still plays around. LORELAI: [gasps] RICHARD: Oh, no no no. Tell her exactly what you said. EMILY: What did I say? RICHARD: About her weight going...[jesters up and down] EMILY: oh, yes, yes. I got it. I told her, "Mitchum still plays around, you know." Well, of course you know. "That's why your weight goes up and down 30 pounds every 3 months." LORELAI: [excited] Oh my... RICHARD: Ruthless woman! [Laughs] LORELAI: I bow to the foot of the master. EMILY: I only wished I'd remembered to call her a cocktail waitress. LORELAI: Ooow. That's my mother's version of the "c" word. [The all laugh again] [cut to the dining room again, Rory and Emily are leaving the kitchen going to the living room.] RORY: I don't want to quit the D.A.R. EMILY: Well, too late. RORY: I was accepted and certified grandma. You can't just kick me out. EMILY: I can to. RORY: I know the rules backwards and forward, and I have done nothing to lose my status except argue with you, plus I'm in contact with more members than you are. EMILY: That is not true. [They reach the living room, Lorelai and Richard and sitting on the couch] RORY: And I like more of the members than you do. EMILY: That is not true. RORY: I talk to Tweenie Halpern all the time. EMILY: What are you doing talking to Tweenie Halpern? RORY: I'm friends with Tweenie Halpern, I'm helping her daughter look at colleges. I'm gonna give her a tour of Yale. EMILY: You have no right to talk to Tweenie Halpern or anyone else in the D.A.R. That is my organization. [she walks off] RORY: I'm not quitting! EMILY: Oh, yes, you are! [Rory follows, leaving Lorelai and Richard on the couch.] RICHARD: So, how's Luke? LORELAI: He has a kid. [Cut to Lorelai and Emily yelling off screen, Rory and Richard are sitting in the living room.] LORELAI: We were 16! We didn't want to get married! EMILY: When you get pregnant, you get married! A child needs a mother and a father! LORELAI: Oh, my god! [Cut to the later, everyone is sitting in the living room and they all look whipped out, cut to front door exterior. Lorelai and Rory come out, very tired.] LORELAI: Well...I think we've officially reinstated Friday night dinner. [They walk off in opposite directions to their own cars]
Plan: A: the reality; Q: What does Luke deal with about having April in his life? A: their engagement; Q: What does Lorelai pretend she doesn't mind the repercussions of the new situation on? A: a crisis point; Q: When does Rory's concern over Paris' lack of management skills reach what? A: protest; Q: Why did most of the staff quit the Yale Daily News? A: Logan's help; Q: What helps Rory get the paper out on time? A: their money; Q: What does Lorelai tell Richard and Emily will no longer be needed for Rory's education? A: the resentment; Q: What starts to build when Lorelai tells Richard and Emily that they will no longer need to pay for Rory's education? A: The subsequent Friday night dinner; Q: When does the resentment between the Gilmores explode? A: an emotional confrontation; Q: What happens at the Friday night dinner? A: all four Gilmores; Q: Who finally voice their issues at the Friday night dinner? Summary: While Luke deals with the reality of having April in his life, Lorelai tries to pretend she doesn't mind the repercussions the new situation is having on their engagement. Rory's concern over Paris' lack of management skills at the Yale Daily News finally reaches a crisis point when most of the staff quits in protest. With Logan's help, Rory makes a valiant attempt to get the paper out on time. Meanwhile, Lorelai breaks the news to Richard and Emily that their money will no longer be needed for Rory's education, and the resentment starts to build. The subsequent Friday night dinner erupts into an emotional confrontation where all four Gilmores finally voice their issues.
Scene: The Cheesecake Factory Penny: What are you working on? Sheldon: Can't talk. In the zone. Penny: Do you know what he's doing? Amy: Could be anything. Last time he was like this, he figured out electron transport in graphene. The time before that, he was making a list of who's allowed in his tree fort if fe ever gets one. Still can't believe I didn't make the cut. Penny: Uh, Sheldon, you want to take a break? Your food's ready. Leonard: No, no, what are you doing? He's both happy and quiet. It's like seeing a unicorn and Bigfoot at the same time. Howard: Sorry we're so late. Bernadette got stuck at work. Bernadette: Great news. A raccoon virus just crossed the species barrier and now can infect humans. Raj: Why is that great news? Bernadette: In the pharmaceutical business we have a saying, mo' infections, mo' money. Howard: Wait, Maybe you want to wash your little raccoon hands first. Bernadette: Oh, calm down. If I had it, I'd be dead already. Howard: Guys, listen up. Sheldon: Can't listen, zone. Also don't care. Howard: Next week is the anniversary of my first date with Bernadette. Sheldon: Really don't care. Howard: I want to do something special, and I was hoping you guys could be a part of it. Penny: Aw, what horrible thing are you trying to make up for? Howard: Just putting something in the bank for what horrible thing I do next. Penny: Ah. Howard: Look, she's gonna be back any second, so here's the deal. I'm writing a song, and I was hoping we could all play it for her together. Leonard: Aw. Amy: Oh, I love that. Raj: That is so beautiful. Howard: Sheldon? Sheldon: When did we get to the Cheesecake Factory? Credits sequence Scene: The stairwell Leonard: It's really sweet what Howard wants to do for Bernadette. Penny: Yeah. Hey, how come you've never done anything romantic to celebrate our first date? Leonard: Well, for starters, you've broken up with me so many times, which first date are we talking about? Sheldon: Ooh, somebody call the burn ward. And back to the zone. Leonard: And besides, I do romantic things for you all the time. Can you even name one romantic thing you've done for me? Penny: I can name tons. Leonard: s*x doesn't count. Penny: Oh. I know, what about that bed-and-breakfast? Leonard: Well, I took you there. All you did was... Penny: I know what I did. I bet they had to throw out that rocking chair. You know, I can be romantic if I want to. Leonard: It's fine. And also not true. Penny: Okay, just you wait and see. I'm gonna romance your freakin' ass off. Leonard: That's beautiful. Is that Shakespeare? Penny: Sheldon? Sheldon: Zone. Leonard: He'll figure it out when he falls off the roof. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Sheldon, I know you're in the zone, but do you want some tea? All right, I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but you haven't spoken in hours and I'm starting to get worried. Please say something. Sheldon: Leonard, prepare to be humbled and weep at the glory of my genius. Leonard: Nope, it was better before. Sheldon: Look at it. I feel like my mind just made a baby. And it's beautiful. It's not like human babies, which are loud and covered in goop. Leonard: Holy crap, Sheldon, did you just figure out a method for synthesizing a new stable super-heavy element? Sheldon: Did I? Well, that can't be right. No one's ever done that before. Except me, because I just did it. Sheldon and his brain, yeah. Sheldon and his brain, yeah. Sheldon and his brain, yeah. Sheldon and his brain, yeah. Sheldon and his brain... Leonard: Yeah, definitely better before. Scene: The cafeteria. Howard: So I'm almost done writing the song for Bernadette. Are you cool playing the cello? Leonard: If by cool you mean willing to, yes. If by cool you mean cool, clearly you've never seen me play the cello. Howard: Great. Will you play the ukulele? Raj: Of course. I'd be happy to shred it on my ax. Howard: Or you could just play your tiny, ridiculous guitar. Raj: Fine. I will melt her heart. And her face. Sheldon: Gentlemen. Uh, no doubt you heard about my little breakthrough. Now, if your plan is to hoist me on your shoulders and carry me around the cafeteria, please refrain. I don't care for heights, motion sickness or the thought of your necks touching my buttocks. Howard: Seriously, congratulations, Sheldon. Raj: Yeah, I read your paper online. That technique for creating a new heavy element is inspired. Sheldon: Oh, well, thank you. Believe it or not, I just learned a Chinese research team at the Hubei Institute for Nuclear Physics ran a test on a cyclotron, and the results were extremely promising. Leonard: Sheldon, that's incredible. Sheldon: Yeah, I know. They called it the greatest thing since the Communist party. Although I'm pretty sure that the Communist party made them say that. I like China. See, they know how to keep people in line. Howard: So, what happens next? Sheldon: Oh, more testing, more success, more fame. Yeah, but don't worry, I will remain the same down-to-earth humble Joe I've always been. Leonard: Good to know. Sheldon: Now give me that cookie, I discovered an element. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Thank you so much for coming. Raj: You called the right person. I believe I have the perfect romantic evening for you to give Leonard. Penny: Okay, good, 'cause I've been really struggling with this. Raj: As I'm sure you're aware, the quickest way to a man's heart is through his... Penny: Pants, but Leonard says s*x doesn't count. Raj: Oh. You poor thing. You have one arrow in your quiver, and you just can't use it. Fortunately, another pathway to a man's heart is through his stomach. Penny: I don't know if I want to cook for him. He's kind of a picky eater. I mean, it's too salty, it's too dry, it's too burnt and frozen at the same time. Okay, come on, what else would sweep you off your feet? Raj: Well, I've always had this fantasy that involves dancing. The sexual chemistry between my partner and me is electric. But boy, oh, boy, does my father not approve until he sees us in the big dance competition. Penny: Okay, that's just the plot for Dirty Dancing. What else would you love? Other than being lifted over Patrick Swayze's head. Raj: Oh, oh, uh, you could, uh, stand outside his window with a boom box in the air. Penny: That's from Say Anything. Raj: Look, I'm a lonely guy, I watch a lot of movies. Look, Penny, if you truly want to be romantic, it needs to come from you. Penny: I get that, but why is this so hard? Raj: Well, you've probably never had to do this stuff 'cause you're young and beautiful and men have always thrown themselves at you. Penny: Yeah, I'm trying to be sad about that. I can't. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Let's see, what's next? Okay, here. This is the Magic Marker I was using when I made the discovery. Amy: I don't think the Smithsonian's gonna want your marker. Sheldon: And that's why you're not on a list for my tree fort. Ooh, guess who's getting an article written about him in Physics Today? I'll give you a hint. You measured the diameter of his suspicious mole yesterday. Amy: Sheldon, I'm so proud of you. Sheldon: Well, you should be. My discovery is spreading like wildfire. Unlike my mole, which is holding steady at the size of a navy bean. Amy: What's next? Sheldon: This is the very copy of The Handbook of Chemistry and Physics in which I looked up the reaction rates of mendelevium and... Amy: And what? Sheldon: No. No, no, no, no. Amy: What's wrong? Sheldon: I've made a horrible mistake. Amy: What are you talking about? Sheldon: This table, it's in square centimetres. I read it as square metres. You know what that means? Amy: That Americans can't handle the metric system? Sheldon: Amy, I was off by a factor of 10,000. Amy: But the Chinese team found the element. Sheldon: Yeah, well, they shouldn't have. My calculations were wrong. There must be some resonance between the elements I didn't know about. Amy: So you just got lucky? Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not get lucky. Amy: You and me both, brother. It doesn't matter. The element was found because of you, and that's groundbreaking. Sheldon: What matters is the greatest scientific achievement of my life is based on a blunder. I'm not a genius, I'm a fraud. Amy: You know, Sheldon, in neuroscience, we're forever finding something in one part of the brain that we thought was someplace else. Sheldon: Oh, great. Now I'm worse than a fraud. I'm practically a biologist. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Leonard's car. Leonard:: You got to stop beating yourself up over this. I mean, you made a mistake, but it was a happy mistake. Sheldon: There's nothing happy about it. I'm being given credit that I don't deserve. Leonard: Oh, people get things they don't deserve all the time. Look at me with you. Sheldon: No, Leonard, this is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Every science classroom, every periodic table, every textbook, this mistake will be staring back at me. Like that time you let Koothrappali wax your eyebrows. I've got to find a way to stop this thing. Leonard: Buddy, I don't think you can. I mean, once it's out there, it's out there. This thing is like the science equivalent of a s*x tape. Sheldon: You know, frankly, I'd prefer a s*x tape. Leonard: You don't know what a s*x tape is, do you? Sheldon: No. Scene: The cafeteria. Howard: Make sure you guys get to the restaurant by eight. Bernadette's meeting me there at eight thirty and I don't want to blow the surprise. Leonard: We'll be there. Raj: Got it. Now, uh, I have a question about the song. I was thinking at some point I could bust out a little rap. Howard: E-Ni-Ni-Ni-Ni-No. Raj: Come on, come on, you haven't even heard it yet. Leonard, give me a beat. Leonard: I will not. Raj: Oh, please? Howard: No, I want this to be romantic. Raj: It will be. I don't call anyone a ho, and the only time I use the phrase my bitch, I'm referring to you. Voice: There he is. (General applause) Sheldon: Stop it. Stop celebrating me. Voice: Woo! Sheldon: And no woos. Oh, not you, Dr. Woo. You're fine. I want you all to know that you have no reason to applaud me. My so-called breakthrough wasn't the result of my genius. It was nothing more than a boneheaded mistake. So please refrain from praising me for it in the future. Raj: Wait, I don't understand. They didn't find the element? Sheldon: Oh, no, they found the element. (More applause) No, no, stop it. I don't need to take this admiration from the likes of you people. How do I make them stop loving me? Leonard: Invite them to live with us. Scene: A restaurant. Penny: Boy, Bernadette is gonna love this. Leonard: Yeah. It must be nice to have someone do something so romantic. Penny: Okay, you know what's not romantic? Rubbing it in someone's face. Leonard: Actually, it can be, but I told you s*x doesn't count. Howard: I'm getting worried about Bernadette. I'm gonna call and check on her. Sheldon: The National Science Foundation wants to give me a substantial grant. Raj: Oh, that's a big deal. Sheldon: I know. When will this nightmare end? Leonard: Hey, I get that you feel bad about all the attention, but still, what you did is amazing. We're really proud of you. Amy: I'm not. Sheldon: You're not? Amy: Sheldon, I've been thinking about it, and you're right. You don't deserve any credit. All you did was misread some numbers on a table. A very easy table, too. Honestly, I'm embarrassed for you. Sheldon: That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Penny: Damn it, everyone's better at this than me. Sheldon: Congratulations, Dr. Fowler. You just made the fort. Howard: Guys, there was an accident at Bernie's lab. Leonard: Oh, my God, is she okay? Howard: Yeah, but she's at the hospital in quarantine. Penny: What? Amy: Poor Bernadette. Leonard: Oh, no. Sheldon: I hate to pile on the bad news, but I just got a raise. Scene: The hospital. Howard: Oh, my God, Bernie, what happened? Bernadette: Well, let's just say the next time you move a dozen vials of raccoon virus to the fridge, make two trips. Howard: You're sure you're okay? Bernadette: Yeah, it's just a precaution. If there was a problem, I'd be throwing up out of my eyeballs by now. Sorry I messed up our date. Howard: Oh, don't worry about it. I brought the date here. Guys, come on in. Bernadette: What's all this? Howard: Well, tonight is the anniversary of our first date, and I wanted to celebrate it by writing a song for you. Bernadette: Howie. Amy: Sheldon, get over here. Sheldon: She might be contagious. Don't you think I'm having a rough enough day? Amy: Sheldon. Howard (singing): If I didn't have you, life would be blue, I'd be Dr. Who without the TARDIS. Sheldon: Is it me, or does she not look so good? Amy: Shh. Howard: A candle without a wick, a Watson without a Crick, I'd be one of my outfits without a dick-ie. I'd be cheese without the mac, Jobs without the Wozniak, I'd be solving exponential equations that use bases not found on your calculator making it much harder to crack. I'd be an atom without a bomb, a dot without the com, and I'd probably still live with my mom. All: And he'd probably still live with his mom. Howard: Ever since I met you, you turned my world around. You supported all my dreams and all my hopes. You're like uranium-235 and I'm uranium-238, almost inseparable isotopes. I couldn't have imagined how good my life would get from the moment that I met you Bernadette. Bernadette: Oh, Howie. Howard: If I didn't have you life would be dreary, I'd be string theory without any string. I'd be binary code without a one, a cathode ray tube without an electron gun. I'd be Firefly, Buffy and Avengers without Joss Whedon. I'd speak a lot more Klingon, Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam. All: And he'd definitely still live with his mom. Howard: Ever since I met you, you turned my world around. You're my best friend and my lover. We're like changing electric and magnetic fields. You can't have one without the other. I couldn't have imagined how good my life would get from the moment that I met you, Bernadette. All: Oh, we couldn't have imagined how good our lives would get from the moment that we met you, Bernadette. Bernadette: Howie, that was amazing. Look, I'm shaking. Sheldon: She's sick, I knew it. Bye. Scene: Penny's apartment. Leonard: I have to say, this is the best Top Ramen you've ever made. Penny: I discovered a secret ingredient. The flavour packet. That sucker is well named. All right, lover boy, get ready, 'cause there is a crap storm of romance coming your way. Leonard: Stop it, you're gonna make me cry. All right. You seem pretty confident. Penny: Oh, I am. Maybe if you follow this trail, you'll see why. Leonard: Oh, rose petals. Penny: Yes. The most beautiful and shockingly expensive of all the flowers. Leonard: You made the bed? You really are pulling out all the stops. Penny: Okay, I gave this a lot of thought, and I finally found something to show you how much I love you. Leonard: Oh, wow. Penny: It's a first edition of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I remember it was your favourite book growing up. Leonard: This is great. It, thank you, it's, so much. Penny: What? Leonard: Nothing. I love it. Penny: No. Something's going on. What's wrong with it? I remember you saying how great it would be to have a first edition. Leonard: It's true, I did. I did say that. When we were at the used bookstore together and I saw the first edition and I bought it. Penny: Oh, my God, I am the worst. Leonard: No, no, it's okay. It's really thoughtful. Penny: No, it's not. I mean, what's thoughtful is everything you do. Here, you know what? Look at this. Look, here's the, the plane ticket you bought me when I was too poor to go home for the holidays. And the rose you left on my windshield just because. Here's the, the thank-you letter you wrote me after the first time I slept with you. All 11 pages of it. Leonard: I can't believe you saved all this stuff. Penny: Of course I did. It's you. Leonard: Come here. Penny: Oh. Leonard: Is that a pregnancy test? Penny: Oh, yeah, just the first one. I didn't save them all. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: I can't believe I read this table wrong. I blame you. Amy: Me? What did I do? Sheldon: You distract me. I've been distracted since the moment I met you. Amy: Sorry. Sheldon: Well, you should be. Because all I can think about is how much I want to kiss you. And not just on the cheek, but on the mouth. Like mommies and daddies do. Amy: Oh, Sheldon. Sheldon (not in Amy's daydream, now in the Cheesecake Factory): Amy? Amy? Did you hear what I said? Amy: Can't talk, in the zone.
Plan: A: a new, stable superheavy element; Q: What does Sheldon calculate how to synthesize? A: his achievement; Q: What does Sheldon feel he ruined by his discovery? A: a fraud; Q: What does Sheldon feel after his discovery was erroneous? A: Amy; Q: Who tells Sheldon that he does not deserve the attention? A: Howard; Q: Who has everyone join him in performing a song he wrote for Bernadette? A: Bernadette; Q: Who is quarantined after an accident at her lab? A: their first date; Q: What anniversary does Howard want to commemorate with Bernadette? A: the hospital; Q: Where does Bernadette go to get a romantic song? A: Leonard; Q: Who says Penny never does anything romantic for him? A: Even Raj's advice; Q: What does Leonard say does not inspire Penny to be romantic? A: a first edition; Q: What edition of The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy did Penny give Leonard? A: the gesture; Q: What does Leonard appreciate about Penny's gift? A: dozens; Q: How many mementos does Penny show Leonard? A: mementos; Q: What does Penny show Leonard that she keeps of Leonard's romantic gestures? A: his romantic gestures; Q: What does Penny show Leonard that she wishes she could do for him? Summary: Sheldon, unbeknownst to him, calculates how to synthesize a new, stable superheavy element, but then realizes that his discovery was erroneous, which spoils his achievement and makes him feel a fraud. His friends, co-workers and the scientific community praise him, but Sheldon just wants it to stop. Amy finally tells him he does not deserve the attention, for Sheldon the most romantic thing Amy could ever say. Howard has everyone join him in performing a song he wrote for Bernadette to commemorate the anniversary of their first date. However, Bernadette is quarantined after an accident at her lab so Howard and the gang sing the song for her at the hospital. Leonard says Penny never does anything romantic for him. Even Raj's advice fails to inspire her. Penny then gifts Leonard a first edition of "The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" - his favorite book growing up. Leonard appreciates the gesture but tells her that he already has a first edition of the same book. Penny feels bad and tells him she wishes she could be as romantic as he, showing him a box of dozens of mementos, examples of his romantic gestures during their time together. Leonard is moved, finding it incredibly romantic that Penny kept these things.
INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR is working the controls on the different panels of the console as AMY and RORY look on. DOCTOR: Apalapucia. AMY: Say it again? DOCTOR: Apalapucia. AMY: Apalapu...? DOCTOR: Cia. RORY: Apalapucia. DOCTOR: Apalapucia. AMY: Apalapucia. What a beautiful word. DOCTOR: Beautiful word, beautiful world. Apalapucia, voted number two planet in the top ten greatest destinations for the discerning intergalactic traveller. RORY: Why couldn't we go to number one? DOCTOR: It's hideous. Everyone goes to number one. Planet of the coffee shops. Apalapucia! I give you sunsets, spires, soaring silver colonnades! (leads them to the TARDIS doors) I give you... The DOCTOR opens to doors to reveal an empty white space with a set of double grey doors. EXT. TARDIS RORY looks out the TARDIS doors. RORY: Doors. DOCTOR: Doors. Yes. I give you doors. (steps out followed by RORY) But on the other side of those doors, I give you sunsets, spires, soaring silver colonnades. AMY: Have you seen my phone? DOCTOR: Your phone? AMY: Yeah. DOCTOR: Your mobile telephone? I bring you to a paradise planet, two billion light years away, and you want to update Twitter? AMY: Sunsets. Spires. Soaring silver colonnades. It's a camera phone. DOCTOR: On the counter, by the DVDs. AMY: Thank you. While AMY goes to get her phone, the DOCTOR joins RORY by the doors. RORY: How do we get in? DOCTOR: I don't know. Push a button. There's a panel to the side of the door with two buttons: a green anchor on top and a red waterfall on the bottom. RORY presses the green anchor. The doors slide open to reveal a plain white room with a pair of white chairs and a table with a large magnifying glass on top. DOCTOR: OK, so, rain check on the soaring silver colonnades. INT. GREEN ANCHOR ROOM The DOCTOR and RORY enter the room and loo around. The doors slide closed behind them. RORY: It's a magnifying glass. The DOCTOR looks through the glass. EXT. TARDIS AMY sees the closed doors. AMY: Hey? Hey, it's locked. INT. GREEN ANCHOR ROOM RORY: Yeah, push the button. EXT. TARDIS AMY presses the red waterfall button and the doors open. INT. RED WATERFALL ROOM The room is identical to the green anchor room including the magnifying glass. AMY: Rory? CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. GREEN ANCHOR ROOM RORY: Come on, Amy! The doors close behind AMY. AMY: Great! RORY opens the doors by AMY isn't there. RORY: Where is she? Where on wherever we are is my wife? The DOCTOR sits on one of the chairs and presses a green button on the magnifying glass. A blurry picture of AMY appears in the glass as she peers into it from the red waterfall room. DOCTOR: Rory... I think I've found her. AMY sees them through the glass. RORY: What do you mean you've found her? Whoa! No, but, she's not... she's not here! I can see her, but she's not here. AMY: Where am I? In fact, where are you? The door to the green anchor room slides open and there is a white handbot standing there. It has a blank head and real hands. The DOCTOR and RORY put their hands up. RORY: Whoa. DOCTOR: Hands! Hello. Hands. Handbot with hands, Rory. HANDBOT: Welcome to the Twostreams Facility. Will you be visiting long? AMY: Er, Doctor. Something's happening. DOCTOR: Amy! (tries to get the picture back) Stay calm! Stay still! Ah, time's gone wobbly. (uses the sonic on the glass) I hate it when it does that. HANDBOT: (reaches its hand out) Will you be visiting long? RORY: (backs away) Good question, bit sinister. What's the answer to not get us killed? The DOCTOR gets AMY back. She's sitting curled up in a corner. DOCTOR: It's OK, I've got you, you're fine. HANDBOT: Will you be visiting long? RORY: Doctor, a little help. Doctor. AMY: And where have you been? HANDBOT: Will you...? RORY: What do I tell it? AMY: I've been here a week! DOCTOR: A week?! A week?! I'm so sorry! Aha! Same room, different times. Two timestreams running parallel but at different speeds. Amy, you're in a faster timestream. AMY: Doctor, it's going again! The handbot reaches its hand closer to RORY. RORY: Doctor! DOCTOR: AMY! AMY: DOCTOR! [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Karen Gillan Arthur Darvil "The Girl Who Waited" By Tom Macrae Producer Marcus Wilson Director Nick Hurran [SCENE_BREAK] INT. RED WATERFALL ROOM AMY is sitting in one of the chairs, her feet up on the table, when the DOCTOR reconnects and appears in the glass. DOCTOR: (through glass) Come on. Gotcha! There. Stabilised, settled, shh! CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. GREEN ANCHOR ROOM RORY is cornered by the handbot. RORY: Why has this got hands? DOCTOR: (walks over) Organic skin, ultimate universal interface, grown and grafted, not born. It's actually seeing with its fingers, scanning the room. But why not just give it eyes? HANDBOT: Will you be visiting long? DOCTOR: As long as it takes. (peers through the glass at AMY) Amy, what exactly did you do? AMY: I just, I came in, and I pressed the door button. RORY: Ah... Amy, there are two buttons. Green anchor, red waterfall. Which one did you push? AMY: I pushed the red waterfall. RORY: (opens the door and steps out) Great. The doors slide shut behind him and RORY then pushes the red waterfall button. The doors open again but the red waterfall room is empty. RORY: Amy? RORY steps out, groans as the doors shut, then presses the green anchor and returns to the DOCTOR. RORY: I pressed Red Waterfall, and she wasn't there! DOCTOR: So you can't follow her directly. You know, it's never simple! Hear that, Handbot? She just pressed the wrong button. We're aliens, we didn't know. HANDBOT: Statement... rejected. (a red light on its chest brightens) Apalapucia is under planet-wide quarantine. This is a kindness facility for those infected with Chen7. DOCTOR: (covers his mouth and nose with his jacket) What? RORY: (mouth and nose also covered) Chen7, hmm? DOCTOR: The one day plague. RORY: What, you get it for a day? DOCTOR: No, you get it, and you die in a day. In the glass, AMY has covered her mouth as well. HANDBOT: There are 40,000 residents in the Twostreams Facility. Please remain in the sterile areas. Visiting hours are now. The handbot puts its hands together and transports away. The DOCTOR and RORY lower their jackets. DOCTOR: Sterile area, I'm safe. (sits) AMY: (smacks the glass) What about me! DOCTOR: Chen7 only affects two-hearted races like Apalapucians. RORY: And Time Lords. DOCTOR: Yeah, like me. In that facility, I'm dead in a day. Time moves faster on Amy's side of the glass. Amy, you said you'd been here a week. What did you eat? AMY: Nothing. I wasn't hungry. DOCTOR: No, because Red Waterfall time is compressed. That's the point. The Time Glass syncs up the timestreams for visits. You could be here for a day, watch them live out their entire lives. RORY: And watch them grow old in front of your eyes? That's horrible. DOCTOR: No, Rory, it's kind. You've got a choice. Sit by their bedside for 24 hours and watch them die, or sit in here for 24 hours and watch them live. Which would you choose? The DOCTOR picks up the glass and it disappears from the red waterfall room. AMY: Doctor?! (feels the space where the glass was) Doctor, don't leave me! (buries her head in her hands) The DOCTOR has moved the glass to the side of the room and is looking at AMY in profile. DOCTOR: I'm here, Amy. I'm right here. AMY: Where are you? Am I looking at you? DOCTOR: Turn left, just a fraction. (she moves) Bit more, stop. That's it. AMY: Eye to eye? DOCTOR: Eye to eye to eye. RORY: Hello. DOCTOR: Amy, I'm taking the Time Glass back to the TARDIS. Like satnav, I'll use it to get a lock, then smash through, using the TARDIS to get you out. Until then, you're on your own. (using the sonic on the glass) RORY: What are you doing? DOCTOR: Locking onto Amy. Small act of vandalism, no-one'll mind. (alarm sounds) Ah, that will be the small act of vandalism alarm. Amy, I need you to go into the facility just for a bit. Find somewhere safe and leave me a sign. Remember, you're immune to Chen7, but don't let them give you anything. They don't know you're alien. Their kindness will kill you. Now go! AMY presses the "Check In" button and the door slides open. She turns around and faces them. AMY: Rory, I love you. Now, save me. Go on. The doors slide shut. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, CHECK-IN AMY is sprayed with a decontaminate. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR carries the time glass to the console and inserts it. DOCTOR: This is locked onto Amy permanently. Play the signal into the console, the TARDIS'll follow it. The DOCTOR attaches a cable to the glass that sets off some smoke before looking through a tool chest of odds and ends. DOCTOR: Now then, I know you're in here. Um... erm.. Haha! (puts on a pair of black-rimmed glasses) How do I look? (faces RORY) RORY: Ridiculous. DOCTOR: Glasses are cool. See? (puts them on RORY) Oh, yes. Hello, handsome man. RORY: Oh, hello. DOCTOR: Hello, Rorycam! RORY: Huh? (whatever RORY looks at appears on the monitors) Oh, you can see what I see. DOCTOR: We're breaking into Twostreams. Now, I can't go in, the Chen7'll kill me, no regeneration. You will be my eyes and ears. RORY: (nods) Rory-cam. Rescue Amy. Got it. DOCTOR: That's the spirit! Now, smashing through a timewall could get a bit hairy. RORY: Is it safe? DOCTOR: Don't know. Never tried. Best hold onto something. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, CHECK-IN AMY walks through a monochromatic welcome area. It looks like it can hold many people but it's empty. A beam of light singles out AMY. COMPUTER: Welcome to the Twostreams Facility. The light disappears. AMY: Erm, who are you and why can't I see you? The light reappears. COMPUTER: I am the Interface, between yourself and the systems of the Twostreams Facility. I will be your guide, your teacher, your friend. The light shuts off and a hologram of a woman appears behind the counter. HOLOGRAM: Welcome to Twostreams. What is your name, please? AMY: Amy. Amy Pond. HOLOGRAM: Welcome, Amy Pond. I see you're travelling alone. As a resident you will now have access to all of the entertainment zones inside. For a taste of adventure, why not try the mountain zone, (a picture appears on screen) and explore Apalapucia's famous Glasmir Mountains. Or try our roller-coaster zone, authentically modelled on the famous Warpspeed Death Ride at Disneyland, Clom. All that you could wish for and more is through the Departure Gate, (motions with her hand) provided for you with kindness. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, ARRIVALS AMY walks up steps to another area rooms to one side. One of the handbots is patrolling. COMPUTER: Unexpected visitor. Welcome. Please seek assistance. AMY runs up to the handbot. AMY: Hello? Hey! Oi, wait! The handbot turns and scans her. HANDBOT: You are carrying unregistered bacteria. Please let me help you. The handbot's chest panel opens and it removes a syringe. AMY: No, I'm not from this world. Your medicine'll kill me! HANDBOT: Statement... rejected. Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. (holds out the syringe) AMY: (hides) No, no, please, I hate needles. HANDBOT: Secondary delivery system engaged. The handbot's head opens to show a large gun surrounded by needles. It turns towards AMY and fires. A needle lands right by where she is hiding. HANDBOT: Unauthorised infection on check-in, version 223. Two more handbots appear beside the first. AMY turns to go the other way but finds it blocked by two more handbots. She jumps over the counter and ducks inside. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, MAINTENANCE AMY runs down a stairwell to an open maintenance area. COMPUTER: Unauthorised resident detected. AMY: Come on. (ducks around a corner) A handbot sticks its hand into the room, scanning for her. HANDBOT: This is a kindness. Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. AMY runs across the room and hides behind a large piece of equipment. She hears the handbot stop and peers under the equipment. She shrieks when its hand turns in her direction. She runs away from it. COMPUTER: Unauthorised resident detected. Unauthorised resident detected. Three handbots materialize in front of AMY, blocking her way. AMY: No. No, no... HANDBOT: This is a kindness. Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. This is a kindness. Do not be alarmed. AMY runs for the vent in the center of the room and pulls the grating off hoping to use it as an escape route. AMY: Come on, please... The handbots stop and scan the room. HANDBOT: No residents detected. No residents detected. The handbots walk away. AMY: They didn't see me, they didn't see me. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR laughs as he holds onto the console as the TARDIS knocks them about crossing the timestream. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GALLERY The TARDIS materializes and RORY steps out. He is wearing the glasses and has the time glass attached to a belt worn across his body. RORY: Red Waterfall! We made it. CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR is at the console watching the monitors. DOCTOR: Good old us! RORY: How do we know that we're in the same Red Waterfall as Amy? DOCTOR: Focus on the positive. We locked onto Amy's timestream. RORY'S eyes drift to the Venus di Milo's breasts. DOCTOR: Eyes front, soldier! RORY: Right, yes, sorry. DOCTOR: Apalapucians are the great cultural scavengers, Rory, this gallery's a scrapbook of their favourite places. RORY: (walks through the gallery) Bit of Earth, bit of alien, bit of... whatever the hell that is. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GATE AMY runs into a room and watches as the doors slide closed behind her. She turns to see six apparent doorways to nowhere. In the center is a small pedestal with buttons on it; one for every doorway. AMY: Interface? The light shines down on her. INTERFACE: I am here, Amy Pond. AMY: Shhh, shhh. Turn that light off! )the light shuts off) So I'm... what is this? How does it work? INTERFACE: This is the Gate. From here you may depart to any of Twostreams' entertainment zones. (AMY presses a button) Cinema. (another) Aquarium. (third) Garden. AMY: Garden? Why not? (presses button again) COMPUTER: Garden. The lights flash through the doorway, like something passing at speed. When it stills, AMY runs through the doorway. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GARDEN The garden is formal in nature with very high and strangely trimmed topiary hedges. AMY: It's... beautiful. I mean, freaky hedges. INTERFACE: The perfect replica of a Shill Governor's Mansion on Shallanna. AMY: You really could spend a lifetime in here. Not that I'm going to. AMY explores and finds a covered terrace with columns and statues. AMY: Interface? INTERFACE: Amy Pond? AMY: I need somewhere safe to hide and wait for my friends. Where in Twostreams is safe? INTERFACE: Twostreams is a safe, nurturing environment. AMY: You know what I mean. Where can I go so the Handbots can't find me? Before, I was stood by a sort of vent, and there was light and smoke and the Handbots couldn't see me. Why not? OK, I'll put it another way. What were those vent thingies? INTERFACE: The vents channel the exhaust fumes from the temporal engines that hold the multiple timestreams in place. AMY: And these temporal engines mess up the Handbots' sensors. So where's the temporal engines? INTERFACE: Temporal engines held within. AMY: OK... Two handbots appear on either side of AMY, hands out. HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. As they approach, she backs away and then forces them to touch the other's hand and they short out. AMY: Ha! Don't like that, do you?! INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, ARRIVALS AMY pushes a door open and goes inside. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, TEMPORAL ENGINES AMY walks up to the massive industrial engines. AMY: Temporal engines. Somewhere to hide. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, ARRIVALS AMY writes on the door in red lipstick "Doctor, I'm waiting" and draws an arrow pointing to the handle before going back inside. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GALLERY RORY is walking through the rooms. RORY: Where... is everyone? CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR is at the console watching the monitors. DOCTOR: Right, Rory, switch the Time Glass on and sonic it. I'll send a command to the screwdriver. Amy's here somewhere. If I can just get a lock on her. I wonder what happens if we mix the filters? RORY uses the sonic on the time glass and we see lots of people milling about, all out of focus. DOCTOR: And there they are. 40,000 time streams overlapping. Red Waterfall isn't one time stream. It's thousands. RORY: Are they happy? DOCTOR: Oh, Rory. Trust you to think of that. I think they're happy to be alive. Better than the alternative. RORY lowers the time glass in time to see someone in pieced-together armor charging at him with a katana. RORY: I come in peace! Peace, peace, peace, peace! (falls to his back on the floor, sword at his throat) The warrior has long red hair and green eyes. It speaks with a computer enhanced voice. WARRIOR: I waited. RORY: Sorry, what? WARRIOR: I waited for you. (pulls sword away) I waited! (lifts visor to reveal an older AMY) RORY: Amy. Doctor, what's going on? DOCTOR: (stares at the feed of AMY) Er... RORY: Amy. (stands) DOCTOR: (over comms) 'I think the time stream lock might be a bit wobbly.' AMY draws her sword back to strike. RORY: (pleads) No, please. Please! AMY: Duck. RORY ducks and AMY puts the sword through the handbot's head. It falls backwards to the floor. Neither the DOCTOR nor RORY know what to say. AMY: Handbots carry a black box in case they go offline. I've changed the cause of termination from hostile to accidental. (over comms) 'Easy to re-programme. Using my sonic probe.' (replaces the box) RORY: Amy. AMY: Rory. RORY: Why? AMY: I've survived this long by making the Handbots think I don't exist. Don't touch the hands. Anaesthetic transfer - if they touch you, you go to sleep. RORY: But you're still here? AMY: You didn't save me. (strides away) RORY: (catches up) This is the saving! This is the us saving you! The Doctor just got the timing a bit out! DOCTOR: (mouths) Sorry. AMY: (doesn't make eye contact) I've been on my own here a long, long time. I've had decades to think nice thoughts about him. Got a bit harder to stay charitable once I entered decade four. RORY: 40 years? Alone? AMY: 36 years. Thanks! (pushes back her hair) RORY: No. Right, I mean... you look great. Really. Really. AMY: Eyes front, soldier. RORY: Still can't win then. AMY: In fact, I think I can now definitely say I hate him. I hate The Doctor. I hate him more than I've ever hated anyone in my life. (over monitor) You can hear every word of this through those ridiculous glasses, can't you, Raggedy Man? DOCTOR: Ah. Yes. Putting the speaker phone on. AMY: (over monitor) You told me to wait. And I did. A lifetime. DOCTOR: Amy... AMY: (over monitor) You've got nothing to say to me. DOCTOR: Behind you! Two handbots are closing in on them. AMY tosses her staff to RORY, ducks and presses the handbots' hands together. AMY: Feedback. Knocks them out. Learned that trick on my first day. (leaves) INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY AMY strides along the outer corridor followed by RORY RORY: OK, so we just take the TARDIS back to the right time stream, yeah? We can stop any of this happening. CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. TARDIS DOCTOR: We locked on to a time stream, Rory. This is it. RORY: This is so wrong. AMY: I got old, Rory, what did you think was going to happen? RORY: Hey! (grabs her arm) I don't care that you got old! I care that we didn't grow old together. Amy, come on, please. AMY: (pulls her arm away) Don't touch me. Don't do that. (continues walking) RORY: It's like you're not even her. AMY: 36 years, three months, four days of solitary confinement. (stops in front of the Arrivals door and looks at the glasses)(over monitor) This facility was built to give people the chance to live. I walked in here and I died. Do you have anything to say? Anything, Doctor? DOCTOR: Where did you get a sonic screwdriver? AMY: (over monitor) I made it. And it's a sonic probe. RORY: You made a sonic screwdriver? AMY: (over monitor) Probe. (goes through doors) INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, TEMPORAL ENGINES RORY follows AMY as she goes through a curtain made from miscellaneous materials. Standing in a corner is a Handbot. RORY: Oh! The Handbot turns and there is a smiley face drawn on him. AMY: Don't worry about him. Sit down, Rory. RORY and the Handbot both sit. RORY: You named him after me? AMY: Needed a bit of company. RORY: So, he's like your... AMY: Pet. With RORY looking at the handbot, AMY pulls out lipstick and twists it open. RORY: Is it safe? AMY: Yep. I disarmed it. RORY: How? (sees the hands have been cut off) Oh, you... disarmed it. AMY: (lifts the lipstick to her mouth then changes her mind) Oh, don't get sentimental, it's just a robot. You'd have done the same. DOCTOR: I don't know that I would have. AMY: (over monitor) And there he is - the voice of God. Survive. Cos no-one's going to come for you. Number one lesson. (to glasses) You taught me that. DOCTOR: (over comms) Is that really all I taught you? AMY: (over monitor) Don't you lecture me, blue-box man flying through time and space on whimsy. All I've got - all I've had for 36 years - is cold, hard reality. (to glasses) So, no, I don't have a sonic screwdriver because I'm not off on a romp. I call it what it is - a probe. And I call my life what it is... Hell. (turns away) DOCTOR: Amy Pond, I am going to put this right. You said you learned from an Interface. Can I speak with it? AMY: Doesn't work in here. (checks watch) 2:23, the garden'll be clear now. (to RORY) Stay or go? RORY: Sorry, me? No, I'm coming with you! AMY: Then try not to get killed. Or do. Whatever. AMY leaves and RORY follows, as does the handbot. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GARDEN, TERRACE AMY: When I first came here, I had to trick the Interface into giving me the information, but I've reprogrammed it now. It'll tell me anything except how to escape. RORY: You hacked it? That's genius! [SCENE_BREAK] CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TARDIS DOCTOR: (over comms) Sorry to interrupt that beautiful moment, (in TARDIS) but temporal engines have a regulator valve, which has to be kept from the main reactor or there's feedback. Interface, where's the regulator? INTERFACE: (prints appear on monitor) The regulator valve is held within. DOCTOR: Ah! Oh, very, very "ah!" Interface, I need to run through some technical specifications. Rory, give me to Amy a minute. RORY: Here you go. RORY goes to put the glasses on AMY but she pulls her head away. He hands them to her and she puts them on. AMY: They look ridiculous. RORY: That's what I told him. Still, anything beats a fez, eh? They share a laugh but AMY stops. RORY: What is it? AMY: I think that's the first time I've laughed in 36 years. They look at each other, thinking of all that lost time. In the TARDIS, the DOCTOR witnesses this as well. RORY: I'll just, um, leave you two geniuses alone. I'll be back in a minute. (walks away) DOCTOR: (over comms) There's still time, Amy. There's still time to fix everything. RORY wanders through the garden and soon comes across a doorway. RORY: How can you have a door without a wall? (walks into an invisible barrier) Oh! (reaches out his hands) Holographic wallpaper? (turns and sees a handbot) Oh, sorry. The handbot reaches out a hand and touches RORY'S face. RORY falls to the ground. HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. The handbot's head opens and it prepares to fire. AMY cuts the head off with her sword. RORY: Oh. AMY: Rory? (kneels beside him) RORY: Glasses. AMY: (stands and turns away) You stupid... RORY: Oh! You saved me. AMY: Don't get used to it. RORY: Have you been crying? A little bit? AMY: Shut up, Rory. RORY: You have, haven't you? AMY: Woman with a sword. Don't push it. RORY raises his hands in surrender and the DOCTOR chuckles. DOCTOR: OK, so here's the plan. (over comms) Time is always a bit wibbly-wobbly, but in Twostreams it's extra wubbly. AMY gives the glasses back to RORY. DOCTOR: I've worked out how to hijack the temporal engines and then fold two points of Amy's timeline together. We're bringing her out of the then and into the now! Amy, I just need to borrow your brain a minute, it won't hurt, probably - almost probably... (over comms) and then, Amy Pond, I'm going to save you. AMY: (stares into the glasses) No! takes out probe) Time's up, Handbots coming. (leaves) INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY DOCTOR: (over comms) Amy, you've got to help us help you. I need you to think back CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. TARDIS DOCTOR: 36 years ago. Amy? Amy!? RORY lifts the time glass to the door over faded markings and sees the message AMY left in lipstick. RORY: You told her to leave us a sign. And she did. And she waited. Oh, Amy. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, TEMPORAL ENGINES RORY: Why won't you help yourself? AMY: He wants to rescue Past Me from 36 years back, which means I'll cease to exist. Everything I've seen and done dissolves, time is rewritten. RORY: (stops) That's... That's good, isn't it? AMY: I will die. Another Amy will take my place, an Amy who never got trapped at Twostreams, who grew old with you, and she, in 36 years, won't be me. RORY: But you'll die in here. AMY: Not if you take me with you. (over monitor) You came to rescue me, so rescue me. RORY: Leave her and take you? DOCTOR: We could take this Amy with us, easy, but if we do, our Amy has to wait 36 years to be rescued. RORY: So I have to choose - which wife do I want? AMY: She is me. We're both me. RORY: You being here is wrong. For a single day, an hour, let alone a lifetime. I swore to protect you...I promised. Without a word, AMY goes through the curtain into her living space. DOCTOR: Rory... RORY: This is your fault. DOCTOR: I'm so sorry, but Rory... RORY: No! This is your fault! You should look in a history book once in a while, see if there's an outbreak of plague or not. DOCTOR: That is not how I travel. RORY: Then I do not want to travel with you! RORY rips the glasses off and throws them to the ground. After a burst of feedback, the DOCTOR can hear AMY sobbing. DOCTOR: (over comms) Rory, is the time glass still on? If the link's still active, I think I can hear Amy. Our Amy. RORY lifts the time glass and aims it into the small room. He sees AMY as they left her. Her head is bowed and she is crying to the wall. RORY: Oh, Amy. RORY enters the room, still looking through the glass. THEN AMY turns around as if sensing him. RORY then goes over to NOW AMY and kneels. RORY: Look me in the face and say you won't help her. AMY: (looks him in the eye) I will not help her. RORY: OK... OK. RORY stands and walks for a bit, thinking. He leans against a piece of furniture and holds the time glass up in front of him. RORY: Look me in the face and say it now. THEN AMY appears in the glass, still crying. THEN AMY: Rory? Rory is that you? RORY sonics the time glass and it appears in front of THEN AMY. THEN AMY: (approaches the glass) Rory, where are you? RORY: Same place as you - and a bit ahead. NOW AMY: (peers into the glass) I remember this. THEN AMY: (through glass) But who's she? There's no-one else here, but... me. RORY steps outside, leaving the AMYS alone. HANDBOT RORY shows him the glasses. RORY takes them. THEN AMY: Why are we still here!? NOW AMY: Because they leave you. Because they get in their TARDIS and they fly away. THEN AMY: No, Rory wouldn't, not ever. Something must have stopped him. NOW AMY: You did. Or rather, the old version of you. (through glass) The Me version of you. I refuse to help them. I won't let them save myself. THEN AMY: Why? NOW AMY: If you escape, then I was never trapped here, the last 36 years of my life rewrites, and I cease to exist. That's why Old Me refused to help then... that's why I'm refusing to help now... and that's why you'll refuse to help when it's your turn. Nothing you can say will change that. THEN AMY: Three words. What about Rory? NOW AMY: Rory? I... I called my robot Rory. THEN AMY: (through glass) You called your robot Rory? (normal) You didn't call it The Doctor, or Biggles, (through glass) our favourite cat? NOW AMY: Do you, um...(through glass) remember that summer when he came back to school with that ridiculous haircut? THEN AMY: He said he'd been in a rock band. They both laugh. BOTH: Liar. NOW AMY: And then he had to learn to play the guitar. THEN AMY: So we wouldn't know he couldn't play it. Mm-hmm. NOW AMY: All those boys chasing me, but it was only ever Rory. Why was that? THEN AMY: You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, (through glass) and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? At this point, the AMYS appear side-by-side on the screen, each looking at the other through the glass. THEN AMY: Then there's other people, and you meet them and think, "Not bad, they're OK." And then you get to know them... and their face just sort of becomes them. Like their personality's written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful? BOTH: Rory's the most beautiful man I've ever met. THEN AMY: Please. Do it for him. NOW AMY: You're asking me to defy destiny, causality, the nexus of time itself, for a boy? THEN AMY: You're Amy... he's Rory... and oh, yes, I am. NOW AMY leaves her space and joins RORY outside. NOW AMY: I'm going to pull time apart for you. She kisses him and they hug. She cries. CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. TARDIS NOW AMY: (over monitors) OK, Doctor, Twostreams is back on air. Right, OK, so this is big news, (normal) this is temporal earthquake time. I am now officially changing my own future. Hold on to your spectacles. In my past, I saw my future self refuse to help you. I'm now changing that future and agreeing. Every law of time says that shouldn't be possible. DOCTOR: Yes, except sometimes knowing your own future is what enables you to change it, especially if you're bloody minded, contradictory and completely unpredictable. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, ARRIVALS RORY: So, basically, if you're Amy, then? DOCTOR: (over comms) Yes, if anyone could defeat pre-destiny, (in TARDIS) it's your wife. NOW AMY: It's not about what I'm doing, but who I'm doing it for. In the past, THEN AMY opens the door cautiously and steps out. The message she left for the DOCTOR is still clear on the door. NOW AMY: I'm trusting you to watch my back, Rory. RORY: Always. You and me, always. NOW AMY: Cos here's the deal... you take me too in the TARDIS. Me too. RORY: But that means that there'll be two of you, permanently, forever. NOW AMY: And that way we both get to live. RORY: Two Amys together. Can that work? DOCTOR: I don't know, it's your marriage. RORY: Doctor! DOCTOR: (scratches head)Perhaps, maybe, if I shunted the reality compensators on the TARDIS, re-calibrated the doomsday bumpers and jettisoned the karaoke bar, yes, maybe, yes. It could do it. The TARDIS could sustain the paradox. RORY: (over monitors) Right. Amy...(holds up the glass to see THEN AMY) and Amy. The wife and the wife, right. DOCTOR: OK, Amy - Past Amy - stand by the door. Future Amy, you too. Future Amy, can I borrow your sonic scr... probe? NOW AMY: It's a screwdriver! (hands it to RORY) RORY uses the DOCTOR'S sonic screwdriver on AMY'S before tossing it back to her. DOCTOR: (over comms) Rory, sonic it, double our power. Amy Now, you're our link to Amy Then. (in TARDIS) We need to get a signal through.(comms) That signal will be a thought. (TARDIS) Amy Now and Amy Then, share a thought. Something so powerful (comms) that it can rip through time. Rory, (TARDIS) sonic the plinth front. Inside (comms) you'll find three levers and a jumble of wiring. (TARDIS) That's the regulator valve. RORY follows the DOCTOR'S instructions. DOCTOR: After we've rebooted, (comms) you have ten minutes to get back to the TARDIS. RORY: OK. DOCTOR: Pull out the red and green receptors, re-route blue into red and (comms) green into blue. Leave red loose and on (TARDIS) no account touch anything yellow. RORY pulls out the green and blue and stares at them. DOCTOR: (comms) Come on, Rory. It's hardly rocket science. (TARDIS) It's just quantum physics. RORY: Yes, right. Blue into red... As RORY works on the wires, NOW AMY looks around watchfully. DOCTOR: Now the lever. Throw them in order! (comms) Amys, start thinking the most important thought you've ever had. (TARDIS) Hold it in your head and do not let it go! Lever one. RORY pulls the lever. NOW AMY: Macarena. BOTH: Macarena, Macarena. RORY: She's doing The Macarena. NOW AMY: Macarena. THEN AMY: (does the steps) Macarena. NOW AMY: Macarena. RORY: Our first kiss. DOCTOR: Lever two, Rory. RORY pulls the next lever. THEN AMY starts to flicker. DOCTOR: Lever three. RORY pulls the last lever and the time glass shatters. Sparks fly on the TARDIS. The corridor where THEN AMY had been standing alone is empty. RORY: Oh, Amy. THEN AMY: (sees her older self) Oh, my God. NOW AMY: Oh, my God. RORY comes up to THEN AMY and takes her in a big hug. They break apart and giggle. They become self-conscious in front of NOW AMY. RORY: Sorry... NOW AMY: Hello. THEN AMY: Hello! BOTH: I don't know what to... RORY: (whispers) Weird. BOTH: OK, this is weird. Right, just stop doing that. RORY: How about Amy One speaks first? BOTH: Which one's Amy One? RORY: Well... BOTH: I am. No, I am! Rory! Rory, just stop doing that! The glasses start sparking. RORY: Ah! DOCTOR: Oh. Rory, Rory, take the glasses off. You're getting temporal feedback. RORY throws the glasses to the floor. Inside the TARDIS, the console sparks and smokes. DOCTOR: (over comms) Whoa! Calm down, dear! (TARDIS) Rory, Amy, we've created a massive paradox and the TARDIS hates it. (frantically works controls) She's self-phasing, trying to get out of here. What's nasty Amy done to you? Just calm down, dear. Hang on in there. (goes to monitor) Rory, you've got eight minutes left. I'm sorry, you're on your own now. The glasses spark and die and the DOCTOR can only see static. RORY: I'm not on my own. I've got my wives. (holds both thumbs up) HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed... RORY: Incoming! Three handbots are marching towards them. HANDBOT: ..this is a kindness. NOW AMY: (gives THEN AMY her staff) With me. HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed, this is a kindness. This is a kindness. RORY and the AMYS take position. NOW AMY creeps along the side and takes out one of the handbots. She looks back at her younger self. NOW AMY: Amy, Kate Hayler, year ten hockey. THEN AMY: Go for the shins! THEN AMY smashes the handbot in the shins causing it to flip over onto its back. RORY is trying to push the final one back and stay out of reach by its hands. HANDBOT: This is a kindness. THEN AMY: Duck! (swings the staff, removing the handbot's head) Five more handbots appear. RORY: They're cutting off the Departure Gate. We can't get back to the TARDIS. NOW AMY: Side door. We'll go behind them. They jump over the counter like AMY did that first day and go inside. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, STAIRWELL NOW AMY is leading RORY and THEN AMY. THEN AMY: Think you're coming with us, just like that? NOW AMY: Yeah, just like that. THEN AMY: Rory, talk to her! NOW AMY: Rory! Talk to her! RORY: Now, ladies... INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, MAINTENANCE THEN AMY: Where are you going to live? NOW AMY: Not with you, don't worry. I'll go travelling. Pop back for Christmas, maybe Easter. RORY: Amy, you always say, cooking Christmas dinner, you wish there was two of you. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GATE THEN AMY takes up position at the door with the staff while NOW AMY and RORY stand by the controls. THEN AMY uses the sonic "probe" on the door. RORY: Can't we just teleport in? NOW AMY: It's not a teleport, it's a time jump. THEN AMY: They can't shunt within the same timestream. NOW AMY: Yes. RORY: The TARDIS is in the Gallery. INTERFACE: Gallery closed. NOW AMY: (presses the controls) Controls are stuck. They've locked them from outside. RORY: Can you unlock them? NOW AMY: Yeah, give me a minute and your cutest smile. (RORY smiles quickly) That's the one. RORY: Can you stop flirting with me? You're old enough to be... NOW AMY: I've known you my whole life. How many games of Doctors and Nurses? RORY: Ssh! NOW AMY: Don't get coy now. All the Gate doors open and handbots enter. HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. THEN AMY tosses the staff back to NOW AMY. HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. RORY uses the sonic on the controls and presses the button. HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GALLERY NOW AMY leads the way through the door and uses her sword and staff on the handbots waiting on the other side. THEN AMY and RORY run across the room along the outside. They then push down a handbot. BOTH: Come on! NOW AMY: Go! I've got your back! THEN AMY and RORY go through the door and THEN AMY screams as she almost runs into a handbot. HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. THEN AMY is confronted by a second handbot who touches her on the side of the face. She falls to the floor. RORY forces the first handbot's hands together. He then runs over to THEN AMY. RORY: No! With a yell, RORY takes the "Mona Lisa" and rams it over the handbot's head. The handbot shorts out. He kneels beside THEN AMY. In the first room, NOW AMY continues to fight the handbots. She comes through the door and watches as RORY carries THEN AMY to the TARDIS. INT. TARDIS RORY kicks the door open and the DOCTOR rushes to meet him. RORY lays THEN AMY on the floor and the DOCTOR covers her with his jacket. DOCTOR: Ah, it's just an anaesthetic. She'll be fine. The DOCTOR stands and goes to the door. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GALLERY The watches NOW AMY. She throws aside her staff and sword and runs for the TARDIS. DOCTOR: I'm sorry. The DOCTOR slams the door closed just as she reaches it. INT. TARDIS RORY: What are you doing? (stands) DOCTOR: I lied to her, Rory. NOW AMY: (pounds on the door) Doctor? Let me in! DOCTOR: There can't be two Amys in the TARDIS. The paradox is too massive. RORY: She'll die! CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH - - CUT TO: INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GALLERY NOW AMY: (pounds on the door) Doctor? Let me in! DOCTOR: No, she'll never have existed. When we save our Amy, this future won't have happened. RORY: (motions at the door) But she happened! She's there! NOW AMY: (through door) Doctor! I trusted you! DOCTOR: (closes his eyes) No, she's not real. RORY: She is real. Let her in! DOCTOR: Look, we take this Amy, we leave ours. There can only be one Amy in the TARDIS. Which one do you want? (puts RORY'S hand on the latch) It's your choice. RORY: This isn't fair. You're turning me into you. DOCTOR: Your choice, Rory. RORY: I, er.. NOW AMY pounds on the door NOW AMY: (through door) Doctor? The DOCTOR walks away from the door. NOW AMY: (through door) Doctor! Doctor? Doctor! The DOCTOR checks on THEN AMY before heading to the console. NOW AMY'S hand appears in one of the clear window panes. NOW AMY: Rory? Please. RORY puts his hand to hers against the glass. NOW AMY: The look on your face when you carried her. Me. Her. (through door) When you carried her away, you used to look at me like that. (outside) I'd forgotten how much you loved me. I'd forgotten how much I loved being her. RORY is crying, leaning his head against the door. NOW AMY: Amy Pond, in the TARDIS. With Rory Williams. RORY: I'm sorry, I can't do this. (starts to turn the latch) NOW AMY: (lowers her hand to the handle) If you love me, don't let me in. SPLIT SCREEN-they are both leaning their heads on the door. NOW AMY: Open that door, I will, I'll come in. I don't want to die. I won't bow out bravely. The DOCTOR listens at the console. NOW AMY: (through door) I'll be kicking and screaming, fighting. (outside) To the end. RORY: (voice breaking) Oh, Amy. Amy, I love you. NOW AMY: I love you too. Don't let me in. OVERLAY-RORY has his head against the door as NOW AMY runs her hand across the door. It looks like she is stroking his head. NOW AMY: Tell Amy, your Amy, I'm giving her the days. The days with you. The days to come. RORY: I'm so, so sorry. NOW AMY: The days I can't have. Take them, please. NOW AMY fades out until it's just RORY NOW AMY: (through door) I'm giving you my days. RORY: I'm so, so sorry. (lets go of the latch and turns away from the door) INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GALLERY NOW AMY turns to face the five handbots that have arrived. HANDBOT: Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. INT. TARDIS RORY hears the handbots. HANDBOT: (through door) Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness. INT. TWOSTREAMS FACILITY, GALLERY NOW AMY stands tall. NOW AMY: Interface? INTERFACE: I am here, Amy Pond. NOW AMY: Show me Earth. Show me home. A hologram appears of the Earth turning. NOW AMY: Did I ever tell you about this boy I met there? Who pretended to be in a band? The projection disappears and NOW AMY stands there and lets one of the handbots touch her. She falls to the floor. As we hear the sound of the TARDIS dematerializing, that timeline is erased. INT. TARDIS AMY is sleeping in one of the chairs, the DOCTOR'S jacket still wrapped about her. The DOCTOR and RORY are sitting on the stairs, watching her. RORY: Did you always know it would never work? Saving both Amys? DOCTOR: I promised you I'd save her and there she is. Safe. (pats RORY on the shoulder and stands) RORY: Yeah. There she is. As the DOCTOR walks down a different set of stairs, AMY wakes up. RORY goes to her side. The DOCTOR sticks his tongue out at them and smiles. DOCTOR: I'll leave you two alone. RORY: You all right? (strokes her hair) AMY: Mm-hm. RORY: How you feeling? AMY: Where is she? The DOCTOR walks away.
Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who uses the TARDIS to locate Amy? A: Amy; Q: Who accidentally enters a time stream and is separated from the Doctor and Rory? A: quarantine; Q: What is the planet Apalapucia under? A: a deadly plague; Q: What is the planet Apalapucia susceptible to? A: a day; Q: How long does it take for the two-hearted natives to die? A: the plague; Q: What is the Doctor trying to avoid catching on Apalapucia? A: an accelerated time stream; Q: What are those infected by the plague placed in? A: their lives; Q: What do the infected live out in the accelerated time stream? A: communication; Q: What do the infected two-hearted natives have with their loved ones? A: two hearts; Q: How many hearts does the Doctor have? A: 36 years later; Q: How far back in time does the Doctor and Rory arrive in Amy's time stream? A: the older Amy; Q: Who refuses to let them rescue her younger self? A: both Amys; Q: Who is brought together and proceed to enter the TARDIS? Summary: The Doctor takes Amy and Rory to the planet Apalapucia, but they find that the planet is under quarantine as the two-hearted natives are susceptible to a deadly plague which will kill the infected within a day. Those infected by the plague are placed in an accelerated time stream, allowing them to live out their lives whilst in communication with their loved ones. Amy accidentally enters one of these rooms and is separated from the Doctor and Rory. The Doctor uses the TARDIS to locate her and Rory leaves to rescue her; the Doctor, who has two hearts, must remain on the TARDIS to avoid catching the plague. However, they have arrived 36 years later in Amy's time stream and the older Amy refuses to let them rescue her younger self. She later softens, however, and the Doctor says that both versions of Amy will be able to travel on the TARDIS. However, as both Amys are brought together and proceed to enter the TARDIS, the Doctor locks the older Amy out, explaining to Rory that the TARDIS would not allow this paradox.
Travelling of the Prophet5's pictures from the bunker. SYDNEY VOICEOVER: The first time I learned of Prophet5, my fiancé was gunned down in front of me. It turns out, he wasn't the first. They killed anyone who got too close. They'd infiltrated the highest levels of governments and the inner sanctums of intelligence agencies. They appeared to control entire sectors of technology, finance, defence. We believed they were run by a group of Twelve...whose power was everywhere and nowhere. Because no one knew who they were... Until now. I've lived with secrets all my life. And I'm done. Using the collected Prophet Five documentation, the APO team spreads out across the globe to identify its members and prepare for a mass arrest... Sydney (Australia). Sydney dressed with a light dress style leopard goes to a very smart bar located in the hall of a hotel. BARMAN: I don't believe I've seen you here before. SYDNEY: Vodka martini, please. Dry. (She looks at a prophet5 member near here). I've got visual confirmation. JACK: (com) Copy that. I'm standing by. SYDNEY: (With a camera hidden in its lipstick she takes a photograph) (com) Got it. JACK: Understood. Good work. She was about to leave when she hears... WAITER: Mr. Kheel, Ms. McMullen, of course. Your party is waiting. Right this way. SYDNEY: (com) this is Phoenix, do you read? JACK: (com) go ahead. SYDNEY: Kheel and McMullen, I remember those names. They're in the Prophet5 archive. JACK: Pulling it up now. McMullen and Kheel, You're right. They're members of Prophet5. SYDNEY: (com) they're here. JACK: (com) Can you get their picture? SYDNEY: (com) I think so. I'll have to improvise. JACK: (com) don't risk blowing your cover. SYDNEY: (com) I won't. Rome. Dixon is in a taxi cab. He observes a woman on other side of the street. JACK: (com) Outrigger, what's your status? DIXON: (com) I'm in position. JACK: (com) Copy, any sign of your target? DIXON: (com) Standing by... Come on! Turn around. A GUY: I need to get across town fast. DIXON: Sorry I'm off duty. A GUY: Do me a favour, Will you? I just -- DIXON: -- Get out of here. (Angry the man walks away and Dixon takes a photo of the woman) Target acquired. I'm done here. Bangkok, Marshall is in a sauna with other men. MARSHALL: (To another man) I got a nasty skin condition. Trust me, you do not wanna see me without my shirt. It's not a...it's not a pretty, uh, a pretty sight. (A new man enters and Marshall takes a photograph) Ti flies in the old...steam room. Has it really been six minutes? It feels like...two. I'm gonna run. Nice talking with you. (With a friendly way, Marshall touches the shoulder of his neighbour) Sorry. Siberia, by night: A diplomatic car arrives near the control passage where Thomas stands. Tom is in the Russian army uniform. TOM: (com) Son of a bitch. Why do I always get the assignments that involve hypothermia? JACK: (com) 'Cause you're always late to briefings.. TOM: Papers. (He looks at the men and makes with his special pen a scan over ID picture and information) MAN: Problem? TOM: Yeah, there is. I'm freezing my ass off. London: Vaughn is in position on a roof to photograph someone in the street. A truck stops in front of him, which enables him to see the street. VAUGHN: Damn it! He moves fast down the street, masks quickly the camera under its coat and passes a hood on its head. He moves towards the man and discreetly takes it in photograph at the time when he passes by him. VAUGHN: Visuals acquired. Sydney (Australia). Sydney kicks the frappe a waitress in the kitchen. SYDNEY: I am really sorry... (She looks at the label) Debbie. JACK: Phoenix, do you copy? SYDNEY: Phoenix here. JACK: I need to sign off. Can you handle this without me? SYDNEY: I'm on it. Good luck, Dad. JACK: Likewise. Washington, Jack goes out the van and asks a woman to take a photo of him. JACK: Excuse me... Would you mind? It's for my granddaughter. (He gives his camera) WOMAN: Sure. JACK: Try to get the Capitol in the back. (There is a prophet5 member behind him) WOMAN: Smile! Sydney: Sydney is now disguised in waitress and she goes to the restaurant room. MANAGER: Excuse me? What do you think you're doing? SYDNEY: Hey, I'm covering for Debbie. She said she told you. Did she not clear it with you? MANAGER: No. SYDNEY: Okay, well, she said she did. She had some kind of family emergency. Her sister was like, sick. The gross kind or something. In the kitchen another waiter finds the corpse of Debbie. MANAGER: Well, it's good of you to fill in. SYDNEY: Thanks, I need the tips with rent and, it's expensive down under. The waiter calls the manager. MANAGER: Yes? WAITER: Mate, we've got a situation down here. MANAGER: Excuse me! How did you say you knew Debbie? Sydney kicks the manager and makes is way rapidly into the kitchen. She runs up the stairs and onto the roof. She leaves the building by jumping off attached to a wire. As she slides down, she takes a picture of McMullen. APO, Sydney enters and puts up the final three pictures to put with the names. SYDNEY: Now we know who we're fighting. Alias Theme. APO JACK: Now that we know who the Twelve are, we've been able to fill in details... none of which are reassuring. Between them, these people wield an enormous amount of power. Their global reach is well... global. THOMAS: Well, we know who they are now, Why don't we just take them in? JACK: Unfortunately, it's not that simple. When we make a move against Prophet5, it needs to be the right one. DIXON: We need to arrest them simultaneously to avoid tipping them off. JACK: Marshall, we need a program to track the movements. I want you to input the visuals and data we have on the twelve. Cross-reference everything with international databases. MARSHALL: Okay, sure, that should just take me a lifetime. I mean, that's really... No problem. I'll get right on that. SYDNEY: What about Sloane? JACK: As of now, we're operating under the assumption that he's working for the Twelve. We take them down, we get to him. Sloane's hideout. Sloane suggests to Sark and Peyton that they solidify their position in Prophet Five. SLOANE: The Twelve have been searching for this for a long time, since before you were born. PEYTON: Don't get too attached. They're expecting it to be turned over. I should get going. SLOANE: Tell me, have you ever considered what would happen if you did that? Once Prophet5 has the amulet, their use for you, for all of us, would be limited. Unless we find a way of solidifying our position, making ourselves less expendable. PEYTON: That's a very bold move, Arvin, trying to cut a side deal with one of their top assets. SLOANE: I'm well aware that you could walkout of here and tell them what I'm proposing. You might curry some favour, save your life, temporarily. SARK: But you won't. You're like me. You have good instincts for self-preservation. I can vouch for the fact that you will be well-compensated for your efforts. PEYTON: So does he come with the package? SLOANE: I assume that means you're interested? PEYTON: What do you have in mind? At Sydney's home, Vaughn asleep and finds Sydney gone. He see's her at her desk working on the manuscript. VAUGHN: Hey. SYDNEY: Oh, hey. VAUGHN: You know, Isabelle's gonna be up in like, two hours.. SYDNEY: Yeah, I can't sleep. VAUGHN: Yeah, I can see why. That stuff would give anyone nightmares. SYDNEY: The man that gave me the amulet told me that what was inside was the end of nature, and that stars would fall from the sky. And that no matter what I did, I couldn't stop it. VAUGHN: Well, consider the source, a prisoner in a maximum security prison... SYDNEY: He recognized me. He knew who I was. VAUGHN: Weird, yeah. Not really conclusive. SYDNEY: What if he's right? VAUGHN: He's not. SYDNEY: How can you say that with everything we've seen? VAUGHN: "This woman, without pretence..." That would be you. "Will have had her effect, "never having seen the beauty of my sky behind Mount Subasio. "I mean, wordy and wrong. All this talk about prophecy and fate, you've disproved it. You climbed Mount Subasio. You saw the sky. SYDNEY: It's not just that. VAUGHN: Sloane? SYDNEY: I keep thinking about all the people he's killed, I mean, including his own daughter. I know what it's like to grow up without a mom. I don't want that for Isabelle. She needs me. VAUGHN: Which is why we won't let that happen! SYDNEY: You promise? VAUGHN: I promise. Marshall's Home. He is in bed with Carrie. MARSHALL: Hey. Your hair smells like fruit. CARRIE: Mmmm, Mitchell threw apple sauce at my head this afternoon. I didn't get a chance to wash it out. MARSHALL: Don't worry. I find it very attractive. CARRIE: You do realize I'm half asleep, right? MARSHALL: Perhaps I could inspire you to wake up. MITCHELL: (Talkie-Walkie) Daddy? CARRIE: Or perhaps you could go check on Mitchell? MARSHALL: Right. I'll be back. CARRIE: Turn off the light. MARSHALL: Got it. Rachel's home. Tom arrives at Rachel's home. RACHEL: Tom. THOMAS: I'm sorry. I didn't realize how late it was. RACHEL: No, that's okay. I was... I was up working. What's going on? THOMAS: Just in the neighborhood. I thought I'd see if you were awake. Which is ridiculous, because it's not true. I just... I wanted to talk to you. RACHEL: Come on in, please. Do you, want something to drink? THOMAS: What do you got? RACHEL: Coffee. THOMAS: You're not gonna give me some lecture about drinking on school night, are you? RACHEL: Not yet. You're thinking about her, aren't you? THOMAS: I wish I had done things differently. I could've saved her. But I didn't. RACHEL: What happened to your wife... it was a crime. Korman pulled the trigger, not you. THOMAS: Then why do I feel like I'm to blame? RACHEL: Because you're a good man. (He kisses her) THOMAS: Rachel, I'm sorry. RACHEL: No, it's okay. THOMAS: That's...That's not why I came here. RACHEL: No, I know. I know. It's not a big deal at all. I mean... THOMAS: No, you know what? I should go. RACHEL: No. Stay and we'll talk. Please. I'm gonna get us that coffee. THOMAS: OK. (When she leaves the room, Tom sits, reconsiders, and leaves.) Marshall's Home. Carrie misses Marshall in bed and goes looking for him. CARRIE: What's taking you guys so long? (Marshall is not in the house and Mitchell is sound asleep. She finds an open window) Marshall? Rachel's home. She comes back with the coffee but fins an empty room. RACHEL: About what happen... Rachel hears a knock on the door and thinking its Tom coming back, rushes to open it without checking first... RACHEL: Where did you go? It's Sark. SARK: It's been a while, hasn't it? Sark chloroforms her. Sloane's hideout. Marshall is tied up and faces Peyton and Sloane. MARSHALL: Where's Mitchell? Where's my wife? SLOANE: Your family's fine. They're safe at home. Although I imagine they're sick with worry. MARSHALL: What do you want from me? SLOANE: Rambaldi described an underground cavern. He gave a very precise description of the stone formation inside. I want you to locate it for me. MARSHALL: What? SLOANE: You're familiar, of course, with the U.S. government's ground-penetrating satellite network? I need you to access the system. MARSHALL: You're...tasking me? What, you think you're still my boss? SLOANE: Marshall... MARSHALL: Whatever you're doing is bad, okay? I know that. It's like. End of the world bad. SLOANE: This is not a request. MARSHALL: I will not help you. SLOANE: (To Peyton) let me know when you persuade him. MARSHALL: What... are you doing? What is that? (Peyton opens a tool box) What is that? Take it easy, okay? Let's talk about this! (Peyton approaches with a grip) Please! (Peyton begins to torture him) Aaarrrggg! Marshall's Home. Sydney takes Carrie in her arms. CARRIE: Thank you for coming. I'm so glad you're here. SYDNEY: How are you holding up? CARRIE: I sent Mitchell to my mother's. I didn't want him to see me like this. I mean, he wouldn't just leave. I mean, you know him, right? He wouldn't do that. JACK: No, he wouldn't. CARRIE: It just doesn't make sense. I mean, he's... a game designer. Why would somebody abduct him? (Jack looks at Sydney). SYDNEY: There's something you need to know. JACK: (his mobile phone rings) Excuse me. SYDNEY: Marshall doesn't work for a video game designer. Not far from Sydney, Jack speaks with Thomas. THOMAS: I'm at Rachel's place. I got worried when she didn't check in. Door was open. Wallet, keys, phone are still here. That can't be a coincidence. JACK: Get back to A.P.O. Alert the team. We'll meet you there ASAP. THOMAS: I'm on my way.. (He observes two cups, keys and a wallet on a table). CARRIE: But I worked for the C.I.A., the N.S.A. Why would he need to lie? SYDNEY: You have to understand, Carrie, he was ordered not to tell you. We all were. He was trying to protect you. JACK: We need to get back. There's another situation. CARRIE: I wanna go with you. JACK: That's not possible. CARRIE: Well, I can't just watch from the sidelines. And I bet that without Marshall, your technical support is severely compromised. I can help. Please. JACK: Okay. Grab your coat. [SCENE_BREAK] Sloane's hideout. Sark meanwhile is about to torture Rachel with electricity. He puts some electrodes on the chest and face. SARK: ... I've thought a lot about you since the last time we saw each other. I was hoping we'd meet again. Of course, in my mind, it was... under much different circumstances. Rachel, don't make me do this. RACHEL: Is now the part where you tell me this is gonna hurt you a lot more than it hurts me? SARK: I wish that were true. (He turns on the electricity, which causes her to scream) APO. DIXON: Sloane did this. He knows where we live, where we work, how we work. JACK: But the question remains: why? DIXON: To...disable our technical capabilities, to distract us? JACK: Well, perhaps he needs some thing from them. DIXON: And Marshall and Rachel? You know he won't hesitate to kill them once he gets what he needs. JACK: I know. You were right about him. After Irina was extracted, I was taken into custody. I had to designate a guardian for Sydney. I chose Sloane. In spite of everything he's done, I believed that some part of him was still the friend I once trusted with my daughter. Clearly, I was wrong. Carrie sees Vaughn. CARRIE: Oh, my...I thought you were...I thought... Okay. I guess that was a lie too, right? SYDNEY: It's complicated. CARRIE: I...Anyway, what... can I do? VAUGHN: Marshall wrote a program to track the Twelve's moves, and I ran it through our standard decryption program, but he has so many security protocols... CARRIE: Can I? VAUGHN: Yeah, sure. CARRIE: You're in. (Elle arrive à se connecter) SYDNEY: What was it? CARRIE: "Moon glum of Elwhere." VAUGHN: Yeah, well, that was my next guess. CARRIE: He's rereading all his favorite books to get ready for when Mitchell starts reading. Anyway, so what else can I do? Sloane's hideout. SLOANE: Peyton, would you mind giving us a moment alone? So you want to see your family again, don't you? Don't be difficult. Think about your son. No, Marshall, you're not cut out for this. MARSHALL: You know, I never liked you. I tolerated you because I had to, you know, because you were my superior. And I was afraid of you. And I saw how...twisted...you were. But now, I see you for who you really are. You are a weak, pathetic man. You know, you're right. I'm not cut out for this. But I am thinking about my son. I want Mitchell to look up to me, to be proud of his dad. Which is why no matter what you do to me... I'll never help you. You know what? I got...a hangnail right there on my thumb. You mind working on that one next? In another room, Sloane is thoughtful, whereas the ghost of Nadia arrives. NADIA: Marshall's right about you. SLOANE: I'm doing what needs to be done. NADIA: Does that help you sleep at night? SLOANE: Eventually, Marshall or Rachel will do what I ask. NADIA: No. They won't. SLOANE: Why not? NADIA: Because they have something you don't. SLOANE: What? NADIA: Love, family, honour... take your pick. That's why you'll never break them. SLOANE: You're right. I need to find another way. Los Angeles. Car park. SYDNEY: (with Isabelle in her arms she phones to her dad) What about airports? JACK: We've notified the F.A.A., but I assume Sloane would have other means. SYDNEY: I'm taking Isabelle to the sitter's. I'll be back as soon as I can. (She sees Sloane). SLOANE: If you try anything, be advised, it will end badly. SYDNEY: What do you want? Talk to Marshall. He'll listen to you. SYDNEY: They didn't do what you wanted. SLOANE: You have an opportunity to save their lives. I suggest you take it. MARSHALL: (phone) Syd, oh, my God. Listen, find Carrie and Mitchell, make sure they're Ok. They're fine. Nothing is gonna happen... MARSHALL: If anything happened to me, tell Mitchell how strong I was...Make sure he's proud of his old man. Tell Carrie to move on, okay? And find someone else. It's totally fine. SYDNEY: Marshall, listen to me! Whatever Sloane is asking, I want you to do it. MARSHALL: What? Syd, no, I can't. SYDNEY: Whatever he asks. Your life is more important. Now before I hang up, is there anything you want me to tell Carrie? MARSHALL: Yeah, actually, I want you to tell Carrie that I love her, and that I'll finish reading "Littlest Fish" to Mitchell when I get... SLOANE: (Stops the conversation between Syd and Marshall) you did the right thing. (He gets in a car and drives away). Sloane's hideout. Sark brings Rachel in the room where Marshall is tied up. RACHEL: Why are we here? I told you I wouldn't help you. SARK: Yes, but he agreed to, and he needs your help. RACHEL: Marshall MARSHALL: Rachel RACHEL: Look, I know this is bad, but we cannot do this! MARSHALL: We have to. I spoke to Sydney. She understands. Listen, Rachel, I'm gonna do this, okay? And unless you help me leapfrog the system, it won't work. RACHEL: Leapfrog? MARSAHLL: We have to make sure we're not detected, or else they'll shut us out. RACHEL: We're gonna need to open a bunch of ports. I wouldn't stay on any of them or longer than 15 seconds each. MARSHALL: That's right. 15 seconds...that's a good idea. She's very bright. Terrific. SARK: Get to it. APO. VAUGHN: It was Sydney. She just got off the phone with Marshall. CARRIE: What? VAUGHN: He's fine. I'll explain later. But he passed on a message for you. He said he'd finish reading Mitchell "The Littlest Fish" when he got home. Rings any bell? CARRIE: We haven't read him that book in at least a year. VAUGHN: What's it about? CARRIE: It's about a goldfish and some boy who's his friend. Oh god, his name is Niles. No... Noah! N.O.A.A.: National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. They monitor weather patterns, ecosystems... VAUGHN: Using a state-of-the-art satellite network. Maybe Sloane's trying to get them to hack in. CARRIE: I can set up some trip wires to monitor the hack. . If I can detect them, I can pinpoint their location. VAUGHN: Well, whatever Sloane's making them do, it's happening now. CARRIE: I'll be fast. Sloane's hideout. SLOANE: Any progress? SARK: They're close. APO. CARRIE: The firewall's flagging an insane amount of network activity. Someone's sending out signatures. It's... It's Marshall. He's intentionally triggering the network security protocols. VAUGHN: Can you trace the location? Sloane's hideout. RACHEL: That's it. SLOANE: Where is that? RACHEL: Central Italy. Zoom out. SLOANE: I should have known. MARSHALL: What happens now? SLOANE: Good work, as usual. APO. CARRIE: I'm narrowing it down. Mexico. They're in Ixtapa. JACK: I'll assemble a rescue team immediately. Sloane's hideout. SLOANE: I've convened the Twelve. They're eagerly anticipating our arrival. PEYTON: The jet's waiting. We should get going. SARK: Perhaps we should reconsider our plans for the prisoners. PEYTON: Don't tell me you're getting sentimental. Or do you just have a thing for blondes? SARK: It simply seems unnecessary, that's all. SLOANE: This isn't open for discussion. Eliminate them. In another room. MARSHALL: Where are they? Do you think they just left? Oh, my god, Rachel, what's wrong? You having a heart attack? Exposure to electricity? Rachel... RACHEL: (She picks her handcuffs using a device) No, no, I'm not having a heart attack. MARSHALL: What are you doing? What is that, a garrotte? You carry a garrotte? RACHEL: It's an under wire. Sometimes it pays to be a girl. A guard comes in. MARSHALL: Hey! Listen, I have a family, okay, and a child. And I wanna have another one, maybe even a girl. La man takes his gun. Rachel stands up quickly, catches his arm, takes the gun and kills him. MARSHALL: Oh, my god, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen. Seriously, that was, like, "Empire Strikes Back" cool. RACHEL: Let's get out of here. MARSHALL: Yeah. They run into the arriving APO rescue team. SYDNEY: Get down! (She kills guards who were behind Rachel and Marshall) MARSHALL: Oh, my god, Syd, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. How did you find us? SYDNEY: Your wife, Marshall. Carrie found you. Any sign of Sloane? (Dixon and Vaughn joint hem) DIXON: We checked the entire facility. He's not here. APO. CARRIE: I think you should see this. (She gives a file to Jack) Marshall's program to track the Twelve was designed to notify him automatically should anything significant happen. That's pretty significant, if you ask me. JACK: They're gathering. (Phone rings) Bristow. SYDNEY: Hey, dad, Marshall and Rachel are good. JACK: (To Carrie) they got to them. Marshall's safe. CARRIE: Thank god. SYDNEY: But Sloane, Sark and Peyton... they're gone. JACK: They're going to Zurich. The Twelve are meeting there. Sloane must be presenting them with the information Marshall and Rachel acquired. SYDNEY: Is it what we've been waiting for? We can bring them all down. JACK: I know. I'll alert our contacts, have them assemble in Zurich. It's almost over. Sloane's hideout. MARSHALL: And then I told him that, you know,he better move to my thumb or hangnail. He didn't think Flinkman had it in him. Yeah, I mean, you know, he's such a jerk. TOM: I could think of some other words. SYDNEY: You said you were mapping caves in Italy. Do you have the coordinates? RACHEL: Yeah. MARSHALL: That's the other thing... we spent hours hacking into the system. And when he got what he wanted, he was all cryptic; you know..."I should've known." What is that about? SYDNEY: He should've known? MARSHALL: Yeah, that's what he said. Where in Italy? What region? RACHEL: Umbria. SYDNEY: Mount Subasio. (She looks at Vaughn) Dad's team will take care of the Twelve in Zurich, but if they go after something in Mount Subasio, I'll beat them to it. VAUGHN: Sydney. SYDNEY: You were right, Vaughn. I can't give in to this idea that I'm powerless. I can bring them down. VAUGHN: I know. I was just gonna say I'll go with you. MOUNT SUBASIO. Syd and Vaughn trek to the snow-covered mountains of Mt. Subasio. They find the cave from the cliff above. SYDNEY: Vaughn, over here! You'll have to lower me. VAUGHN: You sure about this? SYDNEY: Yeah, I am. VAUGHN: I'll be tracking you. After kissing Vaughn, Syd is lowered down to the cave entrance. She slips quickly inside a narrow corridor and finds Sloane with the amulet in his hand. SLOANE: You came. (Sydney points her gun) Oh, I wouldn't do that. The sound of one shot would trigger a cave-in. SYDNEY: You're coming with me. SLOANE: Remember when you were a little girl, and you came to live with Emily and me? SYDNEY: I try not to dwell on it. SLOANE: Oh, Sydney, you were so withdrawn. Of course, we understood. You had just lost your mother, and your father was taken into custody. Remember? We tried to reach out...but there was a time when that was impossible. So we lined the shelves of your room, all of them, with stuffed animals...hoping that that would comfort you. And every morning, I would come into your room to wake you up...there they were, buried underneath your blanket. (APO: we see Carrie kisses Marshall) You said there was a storm in the middle of the night, and it knocked them over, and they were drowning...So one by one, you rescued them. Even then, I wondered when you would learn...you can't rescue everyone. LOS ANGELES. Sark starts a bomb in a subway tunnel. APO: JACK: I just received word from Zurich. The team's taking up positions outside the building. THOMAS: We'll be getting visuals soon. We got a problem. I was going through what we got from Sloane's safe house. Look at this... It's a schematic of the L.A. Subway system. MARSHALL: Wait a minute. Load-bearing data engineering analysis? RACHEL: He's mapping architectural weaknesses of the tunnels around our facility. Sloane's targeting A.P.O JACK: Clear the building. Tom, Dixon, organize a search team. Start sweeping the tunnels. I want all civilians evacuated from the subway. MARSHALL: How do we do that? JACK: Calling a bomb threat. Sark takes the escalators. MOUNT SUBASIO SLOANE: I know when you talked to Marshall he gave you a message. But really, it didn't matter anymore, because I had accounted for everyone. SYDNEY: What do you mean by everyone? (At the same time, Sark walks in a park) SLOANE: Prophet5, A.P.O...I had to remove those obstacles. SYDNEY: If you so much as touch anyone else I love... SLAONE: The time for threats has passed, Sydney. Besides, even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop it now. ZURICH, In Zurich, Peyton appears at the Prophet Five gathering. PEYTON: (To the guard) Mr. Sloane couldn't make it. (The guard opens the door). He sent me instead. MONT SUBASIO SLOANE: I'm making sure that this is going to happen, that I'll see this through. You, above all, should understand that. There's no shying away from fate. SYDNEY: I don't believe in fate. SLAONE: Be that as it may, I'm very glad you're here, Sydney, because I wouldn't want you to be there when it happens. SYDNEY: What have you done? APO. People evacuate the office and clear out the subway while Tom and Dixon sweep the tunnels. Tom finds the bomb. THOMAS: I found it. It's big. MONT SUBASIO SLOANE: I never wanted you to suffer the way you did when you were a child. The way you suffered when you lost Danny, when you lost Vaughn. LOS ANGELES. Subway. Inside a wagon. THOMAS: How much longer till we're evacuated? DIXON: Rachel just radioed in. hey need more minutes to secure the area. Can you disable it? THOMAS: Not without triggering the fail-safe. But the timer...It's a quartz oscillator. I could slow it down, buy them the time. DIXON: Are you sure? THOMAS: I've got liquid nitrogen. I could freeze the mechanism. DIXON: Hitting it with nitro's only gonna buy you 20 seconds. THOMAS: Not if I stay here and keep hitting it. DIXON: All right, Tom, do what you can. But the second that timer dips below a minute, get the hell out of there. THOMAS: Will do. (He freezes it repeatedly in order to delay the explosion. The countdown stops at 1'59). ZURICH. ONE OF THE TWELVE MEMBERS: I'm assuming you have the amulet. PEYTON: Of course. Instead of presenting them with the amulet, she sprays the room with gunfire, killing all the Prophet Five members MONT SUBASIO SLOANE: Sydney, I'm offering you a chance...to walk. SYDNEY: You know I can't do that. SLAONE: The only person you can rescue is yourself. LOS ANGELES People still evacuate the area. THOMAS: (com) Jack, what's the status on the evac? JACK: (Outside. Com) The last of the civilians just made it out. THOMAS: (com) Good. JACK: (com) Don't lose your second window. Get up top now. THOMAS: (com) Okay. Will do. (Instead of leaving, Tom seats inside the wagon) Hey, listen...can you patch me through to Rachel? JACK: (com) Copy. RACHEL: (Outside. Com) Tom, you need to get out. THOMAS: Yeah, Rachel? I wish there were more time. I would've asked you out. RACHEL: I would've said yes. The bomb explodes, killing Tom. Outside the explosion creates a large crater MOUNT SUBASIO Vaughn sees the sun rises at the horizon. Sloane sees the light rises over the rim of the cave above him. SLOANE: The sky... Sloane holds the amulet against the light. We can see a projection of the Rambaldi sign on an ice wall. SLOANE: I'm sorry, Sydney, this isn't my choice. You're not allowed to see this. He shoots the icy ground she is standing on. Syd falls through and is rendered unconscious a few meters below.
Plan: A: the collected Prophet Five documentation; Q: What does APO use to take photos of the Prophet Five members? A: the different Prophet Five members; Q: What do APO spread out across the globe to take photos of? A: the office; Q: Where do the APO gather the information to make the arrests? A: the arrests; Q: What does APO decide to make simultaneously to avoid tipping off the rest of the members? A: Jack; Q: Who tells Tom to get out of the train and run to safety? A: all their activities; Q: What does Jack ask Marshall to track? A: an arrest; Q: What does Jack want Marshall to coordinate? A: Peyton; Q: Who tortures Marshall? A: their position; Q: What does Sloane want Sark and Peyton to solidify in Prophet Five? A: her apartment; Q: Where does Tom visit Rachel? A: his sadness; Q: What does Rachel console Tom in? A: the kitchen; Q: Where does Rachel go when Tom leaves? A: time; Q: What does Tom tell Rachel he would have asked her out if he had more of it? A: his home; Q: Where was Marshall abducted from? A: Sloane's hideout; Q: Where is Marshall taken to? A: the government system; Q: What does Sloane ask Marshall to hack into? A: a cavern; Q: What does Sloane want Marshall to locate? A: Syd; Q: Who falls through the ice and is rendered unconscious? A: Carrie; Q: Who cracks the password for Marshall's program? A: Marshall's wife; Q: Who is Carrie? A: CIA; Q: What organization did Marshall work for? A: technical support; Q: What does Carrie provide to the APO in Marshall's absence? A: Moonglum of Elwher; Q: What is the password for Marshall's program to track Prophet Five members? A: Sloane confronts Sydney; Q: Who does Sloane confront in the parking lot? A: Isabelle; Q: What is Sydney carrying when she is confronted by Sloane? A: their son; Q: Who does Marshall tell Carrie to finish reading the book "The Littlest Fish" to? A: Rachel's confusion; Q: What does Marshall tell Rachel to ease? A: their hacks; Q: What does Marshall want to avoid getting caught in? A: their laptop; Q: What do Sydney and Marshall begin to work on? A: central Italy; Q: Where is the cave that Sloane wanted located? A: Vaughn; Q: Who relays Marshall's message to Carrie? A: the lead character; Q: What character in the book "The Littlest Fish" is named Noah? A: the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration; Q: What does NOAA stand for? A: government hacks; Q: What does Carrie set up trip wires to monitor? A: network security protocols; Q: What does Carrie find Marshall deliberately triggering? A: Ixtapa; Q: Where does Carrie narrow down Marshall's location to? A: a rescue team; Q: What does Jack send to Marshall's location? A: the basement; Q: Where does Rachel escape the guard who was sent to kill her? A: her handcuffs; Q: What does Rachel pick with an underwire to escape the guard who was sent to kill them? A: Marshall's tracker; Q: What does Carrie use to find out where The Twelve are? A: Zurich; Q: Where is The Twelve gathering? A: strike team; Q: What does Jack assemble to find Sloane? A: Umbria; Q: Where is Sloane going? A: Mount Subasio; Q: Where does Sydney find Sloane? A: the Rambaldi amulet; Q: What does Sloane have that Sydney wants to see? A: a shot; Q: What does Sloane say will trigger a cave in? A: a timer; Q: What does Sark set for a bomb in Los Angeles? A: the subway system; Q: Where are the bombs being planted? A: the tunnel; Q: Where are the last of the civilians cleared out of? A: the tunnels; Q: Where do Tom and Dixon search for the bomb? A: civilians; Q: Who is Marshall and Rachel tasked with evacuating? A: the timer; Q: What does Tom suggest freezing with liquid nitrogen to extend the countdown? A: the middle; Q: Where does Peyton stand in the room when she is expected to present the amulet? A: the room; Q: Peyton kills all the members of The Twelve and their bodyguards by pulling out two semi-automatic weapons and standing in the middle of what? A: two semi-automatic weapons; Q: What does Peyton pull out of her briefcase? A: Grace; Q: Who is killed when the bomb detonates at APO headquarters? A: the light; Q: What does Sloane hold the amulet against? A: the icy ground; Q: What does Sloane shoot Sydney with? Summary: With the collected Prophet Five documentation at hand, APO spreads out across the globe to take photos of the different Prophet Five members. Once they gather the photos and information at the office, they decide to make the arrests simultaneously to avoid tipping the rest of the members off, including Sloane. Jack tasks Marshall to track all their activities so they can coordinate an arrest. Sloane talks to Sark and Peyton and proposes that they solidify their position in Prophet Five so they would be less expendable. In spite of Peyton's initial hesitation, she agrees. Tom visits Rachel in her apartment. She consoles him in his sadness and he leans in to kiss her. When Rachel goes in the kitchen, Tom leaves. Rachel is abducted by Sark. Around the same time Marshall is abducted from his home and is brought to Sloane's hideout. With Peyton, Sloane asks Marshall to hack into the government system and locate a cavern by accessing the federal ground-penetrating satellite. When Marshall refuses, Peyton tortures him; elsewhere, Sark tortures Rachel. Sydney and Jack visit Carrie, Marshall's wife, who called them for support in finding Marshall. When Sydney reveals to her that Marshall is still working for the CIA, Carrie volunteers to help and provide technical support in Marshall's absence. As soon as Carrie arrives in the APO office, she cracks the password for Marshall's program to track Prophet Five members (which is Moonglum of Elwher). Sloane confronts Sydney in the parking lot as she is carrying Isabelle. Sloane tells her to talk to Marshall, who is determined to not give in. Sydney then tells Marshall to do what Sloane says and asks what he wants to tell Carrie. He asks Sydney to tell Carrie to finish reading the book "The Littlest Fish" to their son. Marshall tells Rachel that he needs her help in doing Sloane's bidding. To ease Rachel's confusion, Marshall tells her that he had spoken to Sydney. Marshall suggests that they leapfrog across the network so they would not get caught in their hacks. With an understanding that Marshall actually wants to get caught, they begin to work on their laptop. Later, Rachel locates the cave that Sloane wanted in central Italy. Vaughn relays Marshall's message to Carrie, where Carrie figures out that the lead character in "The Littlest Fish" is named Noah. She concludes that Marshall must be referring to NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration - something that Marshall must be hacking currently. Carrie sets up trip wires to monitor government hacks and pinpoint Marshal's location. She finds Marshall deliberately triggering network security protocols. She narrows his location down to Ixtapa and Jack sends a rescue team. In the basement, Rachel picks her handcuffs with an underwire and with Marshall, they escape the guard who was sent to kill them. Followed by other guards, they run through a corridor in time to be rescued by APO. At the APO office, Carrie reports to Jack that based on Marshall's tracker, The Twelve seem to be gathering in Zurich. Jack assumes that Sloane must be presenting the information that Marshall and Rachel uncovered and assembles strike team. Retrieving information at Sloane's safehouse, Rachel mentions that Sloane is going to Umbria. Sydney realizes that he must be going to Mount Subasio. Sydney and Vaughn travel to Mount Subasio and Sydney rappels into an icy cavern, where she finds Sloane with the Rambaldi amulet. When Sydney holds him at gunpoint, Sloane says that a shot will trigger a cave in. Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, Sark sets a timer for a planted bomb. At the APO office, Tom reports that based on the files in Sloane's hideout, bombs are being planted around the APO office through the subway system. Jack tells them to clear the office while Tom and Dixon sweep the tunnels for the bomb. Marshall and Rachel are tasked to evacuate civilians. Later, Tom finds the bomb and reports that it can't be dismantled because of the fail-safe components. He suggests freezing the timer with liquid nitrogen to extend the countdown. Peyton goes to Zurich and meets with The Twelve. Standing in the middle of the room and expected to present the amulet, Peyton opens the briefcase and pulls out two semi-automatic weapons. She kills all the members of The Twelve and their bodyguards. With the last of the civilians cleared out of the tunnel, Jack tells Tom to get out of the train and run to safety. Instead, Tom asks to be patched to Rachel. He tells Rachel that if they had more time, he would have asked her out. Rachel tearfully replies that she would have said yes. The bomb detonates, destroying APO headquarters and killing Grace. Sloane holds the amulet against the light. He tells Sydney she is not allowed to see it and he shoots the icy ground she is standing on. Syd falls through and is rendered unconscious.
Scene 1 - A Furniture Store [Fade in. Niles and Frasier are walking around the showroom, looking at couches.] Niles: Oh, now look at that couch. Now this is something you might want to consider for your new office. Although, I'm not sure how well that, what is that, sort of linen, is going to wear. Oh, you know what I'm going to wear at the opera fund raiser on Friday night? Or is it Saturday? I'll check my book. A lovely linen shirt with my new Zegnia suit. [He lays down on the couch.] Niles: That's a funny word, "Zegnia". The "g" is silent. Silent "g" like lasagna. Frasier: Niles? Niles: Yes? Frasier: Do you notice that you've been awfully chatty lately? Niles: No, but Daphne mentioned it to me this morning. [He gets up.] Niles: Oh, what about this one? Frasier, you really must make a decision. We've been to six stores already, and oh, that reminds me, I must cancel our squash game tomorrow... Frasier: Don't you hear that? Niles: Yes, now that you mention it, I do. It's sort of like a nervous tic of some kind. I wonder what could be causing it. Frasier: Well, let's see: you do have a baby on the way. Perhaps your incessant jabbering is just a way of distracting yourself from this life changing event. Niles: How could I have missed something so obvious? Frasier: Well, it's not so hard to believe. You were fifteen before you discovered there was a correlation between being beaten up every day and going to school in a Panama hat. [Niles takes out his handkerchief and dusts off a couch, then sits down. Frasier stares at a woman across the showroom.] Frasier: Niles! Niles: Hmm? Frasier: Does that woman look familiar to you? Niles: No, but do you know what does? This couch. We're back where we started, will you pick something? Frasier: My God! That's Ronee Lawrence. Niles: Who? [Niles gets up.] Frasier: She used to baby-sit for us. Oh my God, I had a crush on her. She's the first girl to ever break my heart. I used to watch her through the banister, making out with her boyfriend. Chad. Niles: Ronee Lawrence! She's the fiend who told me all those ghastly bed time stories about tiny insects that would crawl into my ears and eat my brains. Earwigs! I, I wore a football helmet to bed for a month that year! Frasier: Yes, I know, you really had Dad's hopes up there for a while. [Frasier walks over to the woman.] Frasier: Excuse me, are you Ronee Lawrence? Ronee: That's what it says on my driver's... wait a sec. Frasier? Oh, my God, it is you. [They hug.] Frasier: It's good to see you. Niles and I were just... Ronee: Niles! Oh, my God, little Nervous Niles? I can't believe it! Niles: Oh, well, it's all terribly true. Frasier: You look fantastic. Ronee: Oh, well, it's a lot of work. Frasier: Of course it is. You know, exercise, dieting and all... Ronee: No, I've had a lot of work. Frasier: Oh. Ronee: Every time something sags, drags or bags, I get Dr. Goldman right on top of it. And then I call a plastic surgeon. [She nudges Niles and laughs.] Niles: Funny. Well, it's nice running into you. Frasier: Niles, we've got a moment, I think. So, what have you been up to? Ronee: I sing and play the piano down at the Wellington Hotel. Frasier: Oh, great, great. Ronee: Of course, I know what you do, mister big-time radio shrink. Frasier: Oh, well, actually I'm getting back into private practice as well. In fact, we're here today picking out a couch for my new offices. I saw you checking out the Barcaloungers. Are you buying a chair for your husband? Ronee: Only if it's wired for electricity. We're divorced. Frasier: Oh, well, you know, you must come by the house to do a proper catch up. I know my dad would love to see you again. Ronee: Well, actually, I'm free tonight. Frasier: Well, then how about cocktails around seven? I'm at the Elliot Bay Towers, on the Counterbalance. [Niles lays down on another couch.] Ronee: Great. It'll be just like old times. Except you get to stay up late. Hey, Niles, do you remember when I used to tell you those scary bed time stories? Niles: No, not really. Ronee: Yeah, yeah. You thought there were earwig eggs on all the furniture and you started taking one of those hankies out and wiping off all the chairs before you'd sit in them because you were afraid... [She makes crawling and burrowing motions at his head.] Niles: Nothing still, I'm sorry. Ronee: I'm glad. For a while there I was afraid that maybe I scarred you for life. Bloop! [She pokes at his head and he stiffens up.] Ronee: Well, I gotta run, I'll see you guys tonight. Frasier: Okay, bye. [He watches as she hurries off, then turns to Niles.] Frasier: Okay go ahead, Niles. [Niles twitchily gets up and gets a handkerchief.] Niles: Oh, she put her fingers in my ears.... Frasier: I know, I know... Niles: She was just... Frasier: I know, give it a good one. [Niles rubs his ears with the handkerchief and then furiously wipes down the couch. Fade out.] Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Niles and Daphne are on the couch, Frasier is opening a bottle of wine.] Daphne: So, Frasier, did you find a couch? Niles: No, I must've tested a hundred for him. Frasier: You know, have some sympathy, Niles. Obviously, my foot-dragging is a kind of avoidance. After all, I haven't been in private practice for twelve years. Maybe I don't have the skills anymore. Daphne: Oh, don't worry. Your patients will never notice. [Niles gets an hors d'oeuvre.] Niles: Yes, well, if he doesn't pick a couch soon, patients will be lying on the floor. What is this? It smells...oh, it's olive topinade! Your going to an awful lot of trouble for a "Drop by sometime" kind of evening. Here Daphne, try this, ooh, try one of these. Ooh, spring rolls. Oh, we found the best Chinese restaurant today... [Daphne slaps him on the arm.] Daphne: Niles! Niles: Sorry. Frasier: Still got the gift of gab, I see. Niles: I really don't know why you insisted we be here tonight. Frasier: I just didn't want Ronee to think I was coming on too strong. I was hoping this reunion might lead to a countdown for a future liftoff from Cape Crane-averal. Niles: If you tortured that metaphor anymore, you'd be before a tribunal in the Hague. [Martin comes in the front door with Eddie.] Frasier: Oh, Dad. Hey. Martin: Hey, guys. Wow, what's with the fancy spread? Frasier: Niles and I ran into Ronee Lawrence today and she's coming over for cocktails. You remember, our old babysitter. Martin: Oh, yeah. I remember Ronee. Pretty little thing. Yeah, how's she looking these days? Niles: Eyes pulled so tight she could land a roll in "Flower Drum Song". Frasier: She happens to look fabulous. [The doorbell rings and Frasier goes to answer it.] Frasier: Which you will soon see for yourself. She's playing the piano down at the Wellington. [He opens the door, it is Ronee.] Frasier: Ronee, hi. Come on in. Good to see you. [She enters.] Frasier: Meet my sister-in-law, Daphne. Ronee: Hi. Daphne: Nice to meet you. Frasier: And of course, you remember my dad. Ronee: Of course. How are you Mr. Crane? Martin: It's Marty and I'm just great. Gee, you haven't changed a bit. Ronee: Oh yes I have. I can legally drink now. [They all laugh.] Ronee: Hint hint. Frasier: Oh right. Would you like a glass of wine? Ronee: Yes. Thank you. [Frasier walks over to the table.] Frasier: Dad, why don't you get yourself a beer? [Martin sits back down.] Martin: So, Ronee, what have you been doing with yourself all these years? Ronee: Singing, mostly, I play at the Rendezvous Room down at the Wellington Hotel. Daphne: Is that that place that revolves? Ronee: It used to. It broke two years ago. [Martin bursts out laughing.] Martin: That's terrific. Ronee: Yeah, I had a couple of shots at the big time, you know, sang in some swankier rooms, I even made an album. Ronee Lawrence: Mood Swings. It sold about seven copies and that's when Ronee Lawrence had herself a real mood swing. [Frasier hands her a glass of wine.] Frasier: Well I'm sure the album was just wonderful. You know, maybe I can interest you in a duet a little later. Ronee: Oh, that'd be fun. Frasier: Wouldn't it, though? I have a feeling that our musical styles just might harmoni... Martin: So, Ronee, I bet you really wow them at the Rendezvous. Ronee: You know, it's not exactly Carnegie Hall. Most of them are half in the bag and just trying not to spill their drinks. And I'm just talking about the cocktail waitresses. [Martin laughs loudly again.] Martin: This girl's a riot! Frasier: Dad, could you help me with something in the kitchen? Martin: Now? Frasier: Right now! [They start for the kitchen.] Ronee: Don't be long, you two. Mama likes an audience. Martin: Good. 'Cause Daddy likes to watch. [Frasier pulls him the rest of the way into the kitchen. Cut to - the kitchen as Martin is pulled around.] Frasier: What the hell do you think you're doing? Martin: I was working my magic on her. Why are you so upset? Frasier: Because I'm working a little magic of my own. And your magic was mucking up my magic! Martin: Well, I thought you brought her here for me. Frasier: Since WHEN do I bring you women?! What are you, the Sultan of Brunei? [Cut to - the living room. Ronee's cell phone goes off and she answers as Martin and Frasier come back into the room.] Ronee: Hello? ... What? ... Oh, you're kidding. ... Yeah, yeah, okay I guess. I'll see you in a bit. Frasier: Something wrong? Ronee: Oh, I have to go into work. The guy who fills in on my night off called in sick. [She stands up and finishes off her wine.] Frasier: Oh, no. Niles: Sorry. Ronee: Promise me we'll do this again. Frasier: You know we will. You can count on that. Martin: Try to keep us away. Ronee: Frasier, you owe me a duet. It was great to see you, Marty. You should all come down to the club sometime. Martin: You can count on that too. Frasier: We'll be there with bells on. [He opens the door for Ronee and she leaves.] Martin: Bye. Frasier: Bye, see you later. [Frasier closes the door and glares at Martin.] Frasier: I can't believe the way you are humiliating yourself. A man your age! Martin: Hey, she was flirting with me! Frasier: She was flirting with me! You just got caught in the crossfire. Martin: Daphne, you saw it. Which one of us was she attracted to? [He gets his jacket and puts it on.] Daphne: How stupid do you think I am? Does it say "Stupid" on me forehead? Frasier: Fine. If you insist on humiliating yourself, how's this: I will invite Ronee over for dinner this weekend and she can choose for herself. Agreed? Martin: Fine. Make sure she brings a friend so there's someone for you. [He opens the door.] Martin: I'm going to McGinty's. [He leaves. Frasier stares at the door for a moment.] Frasier: You don't suppose he's sneaking down to the Rendezvous, do you? Niles: No. Only a scoundrel would violate a gentleman's agreement that way. Frasier: Quite right. Dad is nothing if not an honorable man. I don't know what I was thinking. [He walks back towards the bedrooms.] Niles: Can we give you a lift down there? Frasier: No, I want to freshen up first. See yourselves out. [He heads off. Fade out.] Scene 3 - The Rendezvous Room HERE COMES ANOTHER MOOD SWING [Fade in. Ronee is playing the piano and singing "My Funny Valentine".] Ronee: Don't change a hair for me... [to a customer] You've only got the two. Not if you care for me... It's a good thing you've got money. Stay little valentine, stay... Like you've got anywhere else to be. Each day is Valentine's Day. [The patrons applaud as she finishes.] Ronee: I'm going to take a little break. Try not to kill yourselves with disappointment. [She gets up as Frasier walks in. She hurries over to him.] Ronee: Hey, Frasier, what a nice surprise. Frasier: I guess I just didn't want our little reunion ending so abruptly. Ronee: Well, you're not the only one. Frasier: I had a feeling you might say that. [Martin comes up and hands Ronee a drink.] Martin: Here you go, Ronee. Ronee: Thanks. Martin: Hey, Fraizh. Frasier: Dad! Ronee: Yeah, Marty didn't want to call it a night, either. He's quite the party guy. [looking across the room] Walter, you're alive! [She walks off.] Frasier: You said you were going to McGinty's. How long have you been here? Martin: Forty-five minutes. You shouldn't have spent so long on your hair, Louise. [Ronee comes back.] Ronee: So boys, who needs a drink? Martin: Yeah, I'll have another beer. Frasier: You know, Dad, you really ought to slow down there. At his age, one slip and it's the ICU and then it's I see you later. Martin: Well, I wouldn't worry about me, Fraizh. I don't feel any older now than I did when you were parading around in your mother's heels. [They all laugh.] Martin: Of course, that was just last Christmas. Ronee: Listen, I've gotta do another set. Are you going to stick around? Frasier: Oh, you bet we are. Martin: Yeah, sure. Wouldn't miss it. Ronee got me a ringside table right next to her. Ronee: And that's because I want you and your pockets right near my tip jar. Martin: Oh, you're after my money, huh? Frasier: Say, Ronee, it's such a beautiful piano, it's a shame we didn't get a chance to do our duet. Ronee: Well, let's do it now. Frasier: Really? Ronee: Yeah, sure. You don't mind scrunching, do you? My bench is a little small. Frasier: I don't mind scrunching at all. [He smirks at Martin. Then sits next to Ronee. She covers the microphone and whispers to Frasier.] Ronee: Listen, is it just me or am I getting some signals here? Frasier: Oh, it is most definitely not just you. Ronee: Hi, drinkers, I'm back. And no, no, you're not seeing double, for once. I have a guest with me tonight. Believe it or not, I used to baby-sit this guy. I know, I know, how does she stay so young? Crowd: Dr. Goldman! Ronee: Aren't they adorable? Please welcome Dr. Frasier Crane. [Frasier takes a quick bow as the crowd applauds.] [SCENE_BREAK] Ronee: Do you know this one? Frasier: Oh, I love this song. Ronee: Oh, me too. You know, I'd like to sing it to someone special who's here tonight, but I'm afraid it might embarrass him. Frasier: Oh, I'm sure you special someone would just love to hear it. Ronee: Really? Okay then, here goes. [Frasier begins playing while Ronee sings.] Ronee: I get no kick from champagne. Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all. So tell me then why it should it be true, That I get a kick out of you? [She seductively points at Martin and Frasier misses a chord. Embarrassed, he plasters on a smile and keeps playing, banging the keys louder as she goes on..] Ronee: I think you're cute, Marty Crane. I think that if your poor hip wasn't stiff You could dance just terrifically, too. And I get a kick out of you. [Martin has been grinning. Frasier pounds the last notes, a furious look on his face. Fade out.] Act 2 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment HARD CHEESE [Fade in. Frasier is slouched on the sofa, a plate on his chest, watching TV. The front door is open. Niles walks in and notices the disarray in the living room.] Niles: Frasier? Do you realize the door's wide open? Frasier: Yeah. Pizza guy forgot to close it when he left. What're you doin' here? [Niles closes the door behind him.] Niles: Don't you remember? We had plans to watch "Don Giovanni" on PBS. Frasier: I'm kinda into "Wheel of Fortune" right now. [Martin comes in from his room, dressed up.] Niles: Wow, you look awfully dapper. Martin: Yeah, I'm meetin' a friend. Frasier: Dad, you don't have to be so coy. I know where you're goin'. Martin: I'm havin' dinner with Ronee. Niles: Ho-ho! So things are going well? Martin: Oh, yeah. Great, great. Turns out she had a crush on me back in the days she used to sit for you boys. [Frasier sits up and turns off the TV.] Martin: Well, I better scoot. See you boys. Niles: Bye, Dad. [Martin goes out the front door.] Niles: Ooh, are those profiteroles? [Frasier quickly snatches up the snacks and stuffs them in his mouth.] Frasier: So, did you want one? Niles: No, but thanks for offering. [sitting] Frasier, what's going on with you? You're showing classic signs of depression. Frasier: That's because I'm depressed, you nit! Niles: But why? Ronee and you aren't compatible. You have few interests in common, she's as coarse as sandpaper... Frasier: Yeah, I know, I know there was no future for Ronee and me. I'm depressed, Niles. I don't know why. Wait a minute... Niles: Yeah? Frasier: Wait a minute... I think I can make a really great sandwich out of all my leftover chutneys. [He gets up and heads to the kitchen, Niles follows. Cut to - the kitchen as they enter. Frasier starts pulling jars out of the refrigerator.] Niles: Frasier, you have got to snap out of this. You start seeing patients soon. You realize you're only using food to fill a void. Oh, I forgot to void that check to the dry cleaner. I got my camel coat home, it had a spot the size of a krugerrand I know for a fact wasn't there when... Frasier: Niles! Niles: Sorry. What are you doing with Dad's Velveeta? Frasier: Well, what do you think I'm doing? I'm gonna eat it. Niles: Okay, Frasier, this isn't funny anymore. [Frasier opens the box and pulls a small bottle out.] Frasier: Oh, my God. Niles: What is it? Frasier: It's Viagra! Niles: They give that away with Velveeta? [Frasier gets a dour glare on his face.] Frasier: No. It's a prescription for Martin Crane. Why do you suppose he would put it in here? Niles: Hiding it, I assume. What better place than a box Pandora herself would be loathe to open? [The sound of the front door can be heard.] Frasier: It's Dad! [He drops the box as Niles throws the pill bottle at him. They both bend down to grab the items. Panicking, Frasier puts the cheese box back in the refrigerator. Too late, Niles notices the pills on the counter and points, making a frantic noise. With no time, Frasier grabs them and stuffs them in his pocket as Martin walks in.] Frasier: Dad. What are you doing back so soon? Martin: Well, I forgot something. My um... brella. Frasier: Well, you're certainly not going to find it in the kitchen. Martin: No, I guess not. [They all stand there nervously.] Martin: Oh, I just remembered. Ronee wanted me to get her an appetizer. [He opens the fridge.] Martin: Let's see, what looks good? Oh, Velveeta, that goes with anything. [He grabs the cheese, closes the fridge and hurries off. Cut to - the living room as he comes in and the boys follow.] Martin: All right, well, you boys have got your opera that you want to watch, so I'll just get out of your way. See you later. [He goes out the front door.] Frasier: Now what? Niles: Okay, we've got time to think. It's going to take him a while to discover that the pills... [The door opens and Martin storms in and tosses the cheese down.] Martin: All right, where is it? Niles: Frasier took them! Frasier: Dad... Martin: This is pretty funny to you, huh? Niles: No, sir. Martin: Then what is it? You still so sore about Ronee that you're tryin' to mess things up for me? Frasier: No, Dad, I found them by accident. I tried to put them back. I didn't mean to embarrass you. Here. Martin: Oh, forget it. I'm just gonna cancel with Ronee. Frasier: Dad... [He goes off to the kitchen as Frasier closes the front door.] Martin: No, the whole night's ruined anyway. But the important thing is you boys had your little laugh. Well, I'm glad someone enjoyed it, because I'm startin' to think that it's just too much trouble. I'm just gonna break it off. [He comes back in with a beer and sits in his chair.] Frasier: Why would you do that, Dad? I mean, you're not going to let what happened tonight end things with Ronee, are you? Is there something else going on here? [He comes around the couch as Niles sits on the coffee table.] Martin: Well, I don't know. Ronee and I have been gettin' kinda close this week and last night we started foolin' around and it was great. I mean, I was roundin' the bases, the coach was wavin' me in, there wasn't even gonna be a play at the plate... Frasier: Dad, it's us. Martin: Huh? Oh, right. Well, anyway, that was when somethin' happened. Or didn't happen. Which has never not happened before, so... [Frasier sits down beside Niles.] Martin: I decided today to go out and get some..."cheese." I just couldn't stop picturing her the way she looked when she was a teenager. It was creepy. And even with... "cheese," I don't think I'd ever feel good about being with her. Frasier: Dad, when she was babysitting for us, did you ever notice her? Martin: Yeah. She was a very pretty girl. Frasier: And did Mom ever notice you notice her? Martin: Oh, yeah. We even had a fight once about it. Frasier: Well, there you are. You're still feeling guilt and shame for being attracted to her all those years ago. But she's an adult now and you should really allow yourself to explore these feelings. Niles: Very good, Frasier. [Frasier glowers at the patronizing tone, but goes on.] Frasier: Thank you, Niles. You know, perhaps my depression over losing Ronee was actually rooted in my feelings for her from long ago as well. After all, she was the first person to reject me. Even though she never knew it. Perhaps by pursuing her again, I was hoping to undo that first rejection, thereby erasing all the subsequent rejections in my life and giving myself a much needed shot of self-esteem. [He jumps up.] Frasier: Did you hear that?! My analytical skills are on fire! Niles: And your own horn-tooting skills haven't abandoned you either. Frasier: Well, so much for worrying about whether I'm ready to get back into private practice. The answer is a resounding "Yes"! Niles: Yes, well you better be sure because it's a completely different animal...and oh, I just remembered, the zoo is having a fund raiser, I signed you up for two hundred dollars, that's the Safari Level, you know who has malaria? Mrs. ... [He stands up.] Frasier: Niles! Do you realize your babbling kicks in whenever I talk about my return to private practice? Perhaps this condition of yours has less to do with baby jitters and more to do with my entering your domain. My God! If I get any hotter I'm going to set off the sprinklers! Niles: Oh, get over yourself! Why shouldn't I be anxious? Can't I ever have one thing that's just mine? It's like when I discovered backgammon or fencing or... Frasier: Niles, Niles! Relax, it's okay. You are an excellent psychiatrist. I couldn't eclipse you if I tried. Niles: Thanks. Frasier: You're sure? Niles: Yes. Frasier: Splendid. And Dad, you should go down and see Ronee. She must like you an awful lot, considering who she passed up. Martin: I don't know. I know it sounds crazy, but I keep seeing her in that pony-tail and that parochial school uniform. Frasier: Ronee didn't go to parochial school. Martin: She didn't? Frasier: No. That was our other babysitter, Sally. Niles: [sitting] Oh, right. Sally the Slut. I liked her. Martin: [rising] You mean all this time I've been thinking she was someone else? See ya. [He heads for the door.] Frasier: Dad, don't you want your "cheese"? Martin: Nope. Thanks, boys, but I'm working without a net. [He leaves. Fade out.] [SCENE_BREAK] Ronee is playing the piano and finishes a number. Martin goes up and puts a bill in her tip jar. He then motions all the other patrons to do so as well. Reluctantly, they do. Ronee blows Martin a kiss in appreciation.
Plan: A: a couch; Q: What are Frasier and Niles shopping for? A: Niles; Q: Who is worried about Frasier's mental health? A: Wendie Malick; Q: Who played Ronee Lawrence? A: a former babysitter; Q: What is Ronee Lawrence's relationship to Frasier? A: from years ago; Q: When did Ronee Lawrence babysit for Frasier? A: Frasier's affections; Q: What did Ronee Lawrence turn down? A: scary bedtime stories; Q: What did Ronee Lawrence tell Niles? A: a local hotel; Q: Where is Ronee Lawrence working? A: cocktails; Q: What does Frasier invite Ronee Lawrence to his house for? A: her attention; Q: What do Martin and Frasier compete for with Ronee? A: his mood; Q: What is reflected in Martin's playing? A: a spell; Q: How long does Frasier go through a depression? A: depression; Q: What does Frasier go through as he grows closer to Ronee? A: private psychiatry; Q: What is Frasier due to start soon? Summary: While out shopping for a couch, Frasier and Niles encounter Ronee Lawrence ( Wendie Malick ), a former babysitter from years ago who turned down Frasier's affections and used to tell Niles scary bedtime stories . They learn that she is now working as a singer and pianist at a local hotel. Having established also that she is divorced, Frasier takes the opportunity of inviting her round to his house for cocktails that evening. Martin is delighted to see Ronee, and soon both he and Frasier are flirting with her. They both pursue her to the Wellington Hotel to see her play, and continue competing for her attention. Frasier persuades her to duet with him, but is disappointed when she sings directly to Martin - and his mood is reflected in his playing. As Ronee and Martin grow closer, Frasier goes through a spell of depression , and since he is due to start private psychiatry again soon, Niles becomes worried.
WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SUNSET PARK (STOCK) - DAY] (It's a bright, beautiful day at the park. The camera passes by a couple of teenagers walking and holding hands, a family barbeque-ing, a couple of kids with water guns and a group of children running and playing tag.) (One particular little boy running and being chased by the others in his group, trips and falls on a patch of dirt. He starts screaming immediately. He gets up, holds his hands out in front of him and starts screaming.) Little Boy: Mom! Mom! The dirt burned my hand! (The camera focuses on the little boy's hands as it turns red ... burning his skin.) FLASH TO WHITE: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SUNSET PARK -- NIGHT] (The little boy's hands are being wrapped. Sirens blip in the background. GRISSOM and SARA appear at the scene carrying their CSI kit. They meet up with BRASS, the three of them making their way toward the body. They walk between the ambulance on the left and the Clark County Fire Department Hazardous Materials' Truck on the right.) Grissom: What's Hazmat doing here? Brass: Kid's playing tag, takes a header in the dirt ends up with first-degree on his hands. Sara: Wait. We got a call about a dead body. Brass: Yeah, I'm getting there. So, Hazmat arrives figuring some sort of chemical spill. Starts removing the toxic soil, and bamm a shovel slams into a shoulder blade. (BRASS indicates some area off screen and to his right.) FLASH TO WHITE: SHORT TIME CUT TO: (The forensic team surrounds the site.) Sara: (V.O.) Clothing's been reduced to shreds. Epidermal tissue. Is virtually gone. The body's desiccated. (The camera starts at the body's legs and feet then moves slowly up toward the head.) Grissom: Viscous fluid the consistency of dishwashing soap. Hazmat guy was right. Killer doused the body in lye. Sara: Must have thought it would destroy the body. Grissom: Yeah, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Without the wait. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SUNSET PARK -- NIGHT] (SARA is standing in the grave site with the body. Dispatcher noise can be heard in the background.) HazMat: Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I need to neutralize the soil. Sara: If you touch the soil you're going to contaminate my crime scene, but I'll let you know when I'm finished. HazMat: Okay. (The Hazmat man leaves, GRISSOM approaches SARA. He crouches down toward her.) Grissom: What'd you get? Sara: Vic's wallet, what's left of it. It's a Nevada License. Bob Martin. 31. He lived downtown. There's 20 bucks in the flap. Rules out robbery. (SARA is holding a wallet in her hands with the following Nevada Driver's License information showing: ) (name) BOB MARTIN (address) 45?? ??? MATRIA LAS VEGAS NV 89108 NONE (weight) 175 BRN (GRISSOM looks around the grave site and notices shiny white flecks. SARA picks up a sample for a closer look.) Sara: Look at this. Grissom: Looks like a paint fleck or metal chip, maybe. Sara: What'd the ranger say? Grissom: Nobody saw anything suspicious. Park closes up at 10 p.m. No security, minimal lighting. Basically, a pretty good place to dump a body. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] Robbins: You found this guy in the park? Grissom: Actually, Hazmat found him. Robbins: Well, that explains the postmortem scar tissue. Lye had a field day on his flesh. (Quick flashback to powdery lye being poured over the dead body lying on the ground in a cloud of dust. Camera close up of the dead body's head and its burning flesh. Flash to white. Resume on SARA.) Sara: Time of death? Robbins: Approximately 24 hours ago. Tell me about the car. Sara: Car? What car? (ROBBINS pulls the sheet covering the lower body aside to expose the legs. He points to the wounds in the knees.) Robbins: Comminuted fractures of the proximal tib-fib. Both legs. Bumper hits right below the knees. Sure sign he was hit by a car. (Quick flashback to car headlights on a pair of legs standing in the middle of the road. Cut to side view of the impact of the car on the legs. Flash to white. Resume on present.) Grissom: Look at all the bruising. If he was struck and killed, ecchymosis would be nonexistent. Robbins: Which suggests he survived the impact. Usual injuries. Ruptured patellar tendon, laceration of the saphenous vein and multiple incised wounds containing slivers of glass ... (ROBBINS picks up a piece of glass from the dead body's cheek. He puts it aside.) Robbins: ... which I will send over to trace and bruise legs, arms and chest. What I didn't find was arterial lacerations or underlying vessel damage. Sara: Just confirms death wasn't immediate? Robbins: Correct. Victim was like a leaky water balloon. Heart slowly pumped blood right out of his body and based on the coloration of the bruises, trauma was sustained approximately 48 hours before death. Three days ago, this man was injured. He bled out until he died yesterday. Grissom: We didn't find any blood. (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT - DIABLO CANYON -- NIGHT] (NICK arrives at the site and walks toward the crime scene. He's carrying his CSI kit and is met up by DET. LOCKWOOD.) Nick: Lockwood. Det. Lockwood: Hey, Stokes. Nick: Who called it in? Det. Lockwood: BLM chopper pilot. They always buzz diablo canyon looking for hikers in distress. Or worse. Nick: He see anyone else in the vicinity? Det. Lockwood: No, just the vic: Stacy Warner, 26. Las Vegas resident. I scanned for a missing persons on her. Nothing. (They arrive at the site where a woman lies dead on the ground.) Nick: No tire treads. Whose are these? Det. Lockwood: Paramedics and mine. Same path. Walked straight in, straight out. Nick: Engagement ring, no wedding band. (NICK puts his kit down and reaches out to brush the hair on the woman's forehead aside. He notes the wounds on the woman's right cheek. He opens her right eye lid to look at her pupils.) Nick: Orbital bone looks fractured. Det. Lockwood: Could have lost her footing and hit her head. Nick: Could've. Hold that for me? (NICK hands his flashlight to the Detective beside him. He pulls out forceps to take a sample of some fibers found at the left corner of the woman's mouth. He holds it up to look at it.) Nick: Down feather. Det. Lockwood: But she's not wearing a jacket. (NICK takes the sample. He notices something else.) Nick: Shine that right here. (DET. LOCKWOOD continues to hold the flashlight. From the woman's ear, he finds a larvae. He puts it in a plastic container.) Nick: Grissom should enjoy this. Hey, Lockwood you got any food in your vehicle? Hamburger, anything like that? Det. Lockwood: Gum, sugar-free. Nick: No, gum'll kill him. I'll stop at the first place I see pick up some jerky. (NICK caps the container and pulls out a second container and hands it to DET. LOCKWOOD.) Nick: Will you get me a sample of the ground underneath the body? Det. Lockwood: Soon as the coroner moves her. Nick: Good. (NICK picks up his case and leaves the scene. DET. LOCKWOOD follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REED COLLINS' RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT] (REED COLLINS stands in front of the large screen television set. A baseball game is playing on screen. He turns around.) Reed Collins: Bob is dead? Brass: His body was found at Sunset Park. His license gave this address. Sara: Are you his domestic partner? Reed Collins: We're roommates. I got divorced last year. And about six months ago, Bob's wife kicked him out. He needed a place to crash and I needed help with the mortgage. He's two months late on the rent. How do I go about collecting under the circumstances? (SARA doesn't say anything. She turns to look at BRASS. BRASS turns to look at REED COLLINS who clarifies.) Reed Collins: Look, we were roommates. We weren't really friends. Brass: When was the last time you saw him? Reed Collins: We both work at the Tangiers. He managed the restaurant, and I work in maintenance. Last monday we drove in together. Brass: But you didn't drive home together? Reed Collins: Mondays? No. After shift, he'd walk over to the university. He's an amateur photographer. Take the bus home. Sara: But he didn't come home Monday night ... Reed Collins: I didn't think much of it. He's always going back and forth with Charlotte. His wife. What do I care? As long as the rent's paid. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. UNIVERSITY - PHOTOGRAPHY BUILDING -- NIGHT] (Standing at the side of the road outside the Photography Building at the University, GRISSOM looks around. He sees the bus stop across the street. SARA approaches from behind. She's carrying a stack of photographs.) Sara: Photo department kept a log. Bob Martin reserved a darkroom on Mondays from 10:00 to 11:00 P.M. He was logged in Monday night. Grissom: Good. We got a bus to catch. (Taking a-hold of her elbow, GRISSOM guides SARA across the street. SARA is still looking through the photographs. A car beeps its horn as it rushes by them. They stop, startled. They continue across the road. SARA looks through the photos.) Sara: He left these photos behind. They're all of the same woman. I bet it's his wife. (The photos are of a dark-haired woman. While crossing the street, GRISSOM notices silver flecks on the road. He reaches down and shines his flashlight down the road. SARA notices it also. GRISSOM reaches down and picks one up to look more closely at it.) Grissom: Silver flecks ... like the one you found with the body. (SARA reaches down and notice something. She picks it up.) Sara: I got a piece of plastic. Looks like a headlight cover, maybe. This could be our crime scene. (Quick flashback to BOB MARTIN crossing the same roadway while holding a stack of photographs much in the same manner that SARA had. As he crosses, a car speeds by and makes contact with BOB MARTIN. BOB MARTIN flies up and hits the windshield. Flash to white. Resume on SARA.) Sara: Assuming this was a hit-and-run how does a guy with two broken legs end up on the other side of town buried in a park, covered in lye? (GRISSOM doesn't answer her. He looks around.) Sara: What are you looking for? Grissom: No sign of blood. No evidence of a cleanup. Sara: If this is our crime scene then somewhere between here and Sunset Park, Bob Martin lost eight to ten pints of blood. (SARA looks around and shakes her head.) Sara: Where is it? HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] FADE IN [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GREG'S LAB -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM enters.) Grissom: So do want to tell me about the silver flecks I found? Paint chips? Greg: Aluminum and melamine in the color coat indicate that it's car paint. Factory job. Uh, body shop paint contains styrene, not melamine. Grissom: Mm, what type of car Greg: Trick question. Paint won't tell me that. But I do have an answer. It's not technically part of my job description but as you know, I'm always eager to expand my responsibilities. Take a look down the scope. (Through the microscope, we see the piece of glass SARA picked up from the roadway. The magnification increases and we now see the cross hairs on the plastic.) Grissom: Looks like some sort of insignia. Greg: Crosshairs. That's the plastic you collected at the accident site. Now that mark is only found on the S-Class Mercedes. It's all about branding. Now knowing that the headlight came from a Mercedes, I was able to compare the infrared spectra with the paint spectra supplied by the manufacturer. Check this out. (GREG hands GRISSOM the test results.) Greg: Your vehicle was painted Sarasota Silver. Also, only available on the S-Series '99 models. I checked with the Mercedes State Rep. Five were sold in Nevada. Sara's tracking down the owners. Grissom: You've, uh, already shared this information with Sara? Greg: Yeah, an hour ago. And she was way more fascinated than you are. Grissom: Well, I'm somewhat fascinated by the fact that I'm your boss, but you talked to her first. Greg: Well, you were at dinner. Grissom: I've been in the lab all day, Greg. (Camera holds on GREG.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB/HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM leaves GREG and exits the lab to the hallway where he promptly meets up with SARA. GRISSOM is still holding his file.) Sara: I've been looking for you. Grissom: Well, it's hard to see me if you and Greg are out ahead of me. Sara: Oh, uh, sorry about that but Brass got me a list of those Mercedes owners. One moved to Los Angeles, three are over 50. My guess, they would have stopped and rendered aid. Brass is checking them out which leaves a Ben Weston, 25. Leased the vehicle last week. (GRISSOM takes the open file that SARA hands him. They walk out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BEN WESTON'S OFFICE - DAY] Ben Weston: You found my car? Grissom: Why? Is your car missing? Ben Weston: Yeah, isn't that why you guys are here? I filed a police report a couple days ago. God, I love that car. Hocked my future on it. Tell me it hadn't been stripped. Sara: You wouldn't happen to have a copy of that police report, would you? Ben Weston: I'm a lawyer. (BEN WESTON smiles. He reaches down and hands the file to SARA. There are boxes stacked all over his office. It's as if he just moved into it.) Ben Weston: Here you go. Sara: Sarasota Silver, S-Series, stolen Monday night. Ben Weston: Yeah, I stopped for take-out after work. When I came out, it was gone. Grissom: Don't most of these luxury vehicles have security systems? Ben Weston: What's with all the questions? Grissom: We're investigating a possible hit-and-run. Ben Weston: You think the b*st*rd that stole my car hit someone? (Instead of answering him, GRISSOM looks around the room and his eyes instantly land on the young lawyer's diplomas. One from St. Ignacias High School and the other from Nevada State Law School.) Grissom: Ignacias High, Nevada State University ... are you a local? Ben Weston: Yeah. Great town. I studied my ass off in law school. Passed the bar first time. Grissom: Good for you. Let me guess -- criminal defense? Ben Weston: Everyone deserves representation. Grissom: Yes, they do. Would you happen to remember what clothes you were wearing yesterday? Ben Weston: A blue pinstripe, a light blue oxford, gray tie -- a gift from my girlfriend. First week as an associate -- firm like this you tend to pay attention to wardrobe. Sara: Mr. Weston, we'd like to take a look at those clothes. Ben Weston: Really? Well, you need a warrant. (BEN WESTON looks at SARA. She shakes her head. She doesn't have one. BEN WESTON smiles.) Ben Weston: But I'm a nice guy. I picked them up at lunch. Downstairs -- one-hour dry cleaning. Sara: Nice suit. Ben Weston: Thank you. I just bought it. (SARA and GRISSOM both look at the shirt. Without removing the plastic covering, the both immediately notice the damage.) Sara: I hope you didn't just buy the shirt. Ben Weston: Oh, come on. I've been meaning to change dry cleaners. (BEN WESTON looks at the shirt and takes the cleaning away from SARA.) Sara: Well, maybe you shouldn't have gotten lye on it. Lye is an alkali and when it's mixed with water, it eats right through fabric. Mr. Weston ... you mind taking off your shirt? Ben Weston: Excuse me? Sara: Lye can burn through fabric. It can also burn through skin. Ben Weston: I have my limits. You want me to strip, you're going to need a warrant. But since there's no basis for your request you can forget about it. (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (The table is pulled out of its storage unit. The sheet is pulled away from the body to show the woman from the desert.) David Phillips: She drowned. Nick: This is the girl I found in the desert. David Phillips: I am aware of that. She drowned. Nick: It's not possible, Dave-O. She was found in Diablo Canyon -- miles from the nearest water source. Lake Mead's got to be 20 miles away. David Phillips: Desert, no desert -- I don't care. She drowned. Look, if it's any consolation she dry-drowned. Nick: Dry-drowned? David Phillips: Happens in about ten percent of all cases. (DAVID PHILLIPS opens the woman's mouth.) David Phillips: When dry-drowning occurs the larynx closes involuntarily ... (Quick CGI POV. Camera moves down the woman's open mouth. Down her throat. Down her wind pipe. The wind pipe closes as liquid fills up. Flash to white. Resume on NICK.) David Phillips: ... preventing air and water from entering the lungs resulting in hypoxia -- a reduced concentration of oxygen in the blood. Thus, water's kept out of the lungs -- dry-drowning. (Quick CGI POV of the camera once again starting above the woman's head. It moves downward through her open mouth, down her throat and down her wind pipe. The wind pipe automatically closes as liquid fills up. The wind pipe relaxes and the liquid passes through, filling her lungs. Flash to white. Resume to present.) David Phillips: In wet drowning, hypoxia also occurs but the larynx relaxes and water floods the lungs. Still, the question remains, how does a girl drown in the middle of the desert? Nick: She doesn't. She was engaged. The guy never filed a missing persons on her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HUDSON/WARNER RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] Matt Hudson: I didn't file a missing persons report on Stacy, because she wasn't missing. As far as I knew, she was on a solo trek up in Diablo working toward her NESTFS. Det. Lockwood: NESTFS.? Matt Hudson: Sorry. National Extreme Sports Trainer Finals. I took mine last week. Did it in three days total. So, I didn't expect her back for at least two more days. Nick: Okay. You mind if I have a look around? Matt Hudson: No, go ahead. Nick: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HUDSON/WARNER RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (NICK walks outside to the pool area. He puts his CSI kit down and takes a sample of the pool water. He looks around the edges of the pool and notices some blood underneath the far ledge on some tile above the waterline.) Nick: Detective. (NICK gets his swab kit from his case and sets it down. LOCKWOOD exits the house. ) Nick: Check that out. You see that? Det. Lockwood: Yeah. Mr. Hudson ... you own this house with Stacy Warner, is that right? Matt Hudson: That's right. Det. Lockwood: Any idea how this blood got there? (MATT HUDSON looks at the spot and shakes his head.) Matt Hudson: No. Nick: Stacy had a head trauma wound. You wouldn't know anything about that either, would you? Matt Hudson: I'd never hurt Stacy. Nick: No? How do you explain the domestic disturbance call to this address two weeks ago? Matt Hudson: We told the officers then it was nothing. Nick: I don't know ... the neighbor who filed the complaint said you were really yelling at Stacy. Said it sounded abusive. Matt Hudson: We're sports trainers. We say some crazy things to get each other to do one more lap in the pool, one more crunch. (Quick Flashback to MATT HUDSON standing over STACY WARNER while she does sit ups.) Matt Hudson: Are you a liar?! Or are you going to give me more?! Are you weak? Are you worthless?! (Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume on DET. LOCKWOOD.) Det. Lockwood: Can you account for your whereabouts this week? Matt Hudson: Big Sky Triathlon in Montana. You want to see a picture of me crossing the finish line? Nick: No. No. We got what we need. (NICK packs up his kit, preparing to leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SALVAGE YARD -- NIGHT] (BRASS, GRISSOM and SARA walk through a car salvage yard. They're headed toward the main office.) Brass: So I sent out some bulletins. Got a hit on Weston's missing Mercedes. Sullivan called it in. He's a typical tow guy. I'll run him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SALVAGE YARD - MAIN OFFICE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] Mitchell Sullivan: Yeah, I got a call. "You want a wrecked S-Class?" (MITCHELL SULLIVAN chuckles.) Mitchell Sullivan: You betcha. The parts alone are worth four or five times the blue book value of the car. I asked where do I pick it up. That's all I asked. Brass: You didn't ask his name? Mitchell Sullivan: Someone throws you three hundred thou in used parts the only response is "thank you very much." Sara: So where is the vehicle now? Mitchell Sullivan: Look around. Brass: You work fast. Mitchell Sullivan: Hey, I called it in. What more do you want? Grissom: Aristotle said something about the whole being more than the sum of its parts. Of course, he never worked in a chop shop. We want all of the parts. (Camera holds on MITCHELL SULLIVAN.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM sits on a stool in the garage. He's holding an open file folder. SARA swabs the passenger seat and checks for blood.) Sara: Affirmative for blood -- passenger side. Grissom: Well, that's just a trace amount. Where's the rest of it? Sara: Want to pass me the luminol? (GRISSOM hands SARA the spray bottle and turns off the light. SARA sprays the front passenger seat area. The seat glows.) Grissom: Well, you do know how to light up a room. Location of the blood on the seats and the dash indicates that the victim was inside the vehicle. Sara: Maybe the driver hit Bob Martin, stopped and put him in the front seat. Grissom: Okay. Where'd they go? Sara: Well, not to the Emergency Room. Not to Sunset Park for 48 hours. I'll swab the rest of the car -- bring the samples to Greg and have him run it against Bob Martin's DNA. Grissom: If you find any blood that isn't his then ... Sara: ... maybe it belongs to an injured joyrider and we have a new suspect. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (On the table in front of NICK, there are four water sample containers. He picks up the last container and looks at it. He writes something down. WARRICK walks in.) Warrick: The one day I'm due in court and you pull a drowning in the desert. Nick: How'd it go? Warrick: Oh, it went great. The judge recessed right before my testimony. I'm on call. Catherine's on call. (WARRICK opens the file on the lab table beside NICK and leafs through the pages.) Warrick: Well, you're making progress. The blood from the poolside matches the female victim. Nick: Yeah, the problem is the small amount of blood found in her own home isn't enough to prove anything, you know? People bump their heads and scrape their knees all the time. Warrick: Yeah. Nick: That musclehead boyfriend --he's a little shady. He's hiding something. I can feel it. Warrick: Are you able to prove that he drowned her in their swimming pool? Nick: Four samples: One from their swimming pool one from their bathroom, one from Lake Mead and one from Clark County Reservoir but none are consistent with the water I recovered from her stomach. Warrick: What else did you collect from the scene? Nick: Some rocks from under her body and a goose feather. (Also on the lab table are two rocks in two evidence baggies. NICK picks up one baggie with the following information: (article): ROCK (exhibit No.): 147 (date) 4/29/02 (???): Under Body Warrick: Goose feather? This looks like basalt rock. Didn't it say somewhere in here that she found her at 1,500 feet? Nick: The desert, yeah. Warrick: Well, you can only find this rock at high altitudes like 4,000 feet. Nick: Really? Warrick: Yeah. Nick: You sure? Warrick: Yeah. I went on this field trip up at table mountain in my senior year -- "rocks for jocks." Don't ask me why I remember any of this. Nick: Hey, that helps. I think I'm going to head out there. You want to roll? (NICK remembers.) Nick: You're on call at court, right. Warrick: Yeah. (NICK gets up and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (SARA walks in. She's holding a piece of paper. GRISSOM is examining under the car seat.) Sara: All that blood belonged to the victim. Grissom: Look at this. Visible blood drops under the passenger seat. Sara: That's a strange place for blood. Grissom: Radiated spatter. What do you think? (Quick flashback of a single drop of blood falling and hitting a pool of blood. The blood spatters up onto the car seat. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Grissom: Blood pooled onto the floormat. As more drops splashed down the impact projected the blood drops upward. Sara: Okay. But where did it fall from? Catherine: So Greg said you guys are processing an S-Class. Grissom: (to CATHERINE) Yeah, what's left of it. Catherine: Now, that's a crime. Oh, this would have broken my ex's heart. Every weekend the guy'd be test-driving another Mercedes. I'd get myself all dressed up make the dealer believe we could actually afford it. Damn. (SARA smiles at the story. GRISSOM looks up at CATHERINE. CATHERINE leans in and takes a closer look at the driver dashboard.) Catherine: Except if the car was stolen the ignition lock would be punched, right? (Immediately, GRISSOM and SARA both look at CATHERINE. They hadn't thought of it from that angle.) Sara: Huh? Catherine: Anyway, I got to go. Warrick and I are due in court. Later. (CATHERINE gets up and leaves the room.) Sara: We ... we would have caught that. Grissom: We were distracted by what we were looking for. Sara: Yeah. So how did the thief turn the engine over without breaking that lock? Grissom: Maybe there is no thief. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Ben Weston: All right, you got me. I ran into the Chinese restaurant. I wasn't in there more than two minutes but I left my keys in the car. Brass: You left an $80,000 Mercedes idling. Ben Weston: Yeah. (SARA doesn't believe it.) Ben Weston: Stupid, right? That's why I didn't say anything. Besides, if my insurance finds out it's contributory negligence. Brass: Let's just cut to the chase. Ben Weston: I told you everything. Chinese restaurant near my house. I couldn't find a parking spot. Parked in the handicapped zone, left the motor running. I wasn't in there more than a minute. Sara: Take off your shirt, please. Ben Weston: You're going to need a warrant, like I said. But you don't have basis. Brass: Actually, the issuing judge disagrees. (BRASS hands the bench warrant to BEN WESTON. He takes it.) Ben Weston: I can call Judge Scott, contest your grounds. Brass: But you won't. Sara: You want to refuse? One of us will remove it for you. Ben Weston: Yeah, all right. (BEN WESTON stands and starts undoing the cuffs of his dress shirt. He rolls up his sleeves and holds out his arms.) Ben Weston: Here you go. Look, no chemical burns. You satisfied? (He unrolls his sleeves. SARA reaches for the warrant on the table and opens it flat.) Sara: The warrant is for the whole shirt. Ben Weston: Yeah. (BEN WESTON takes off his tie and his shirt. From the top of his left shoulder blade down across his chest, he sports a large bruise.) Brass: You don't have to be a scientist to know where that came from. (Quick flashback to the driver's seat belt as the driver makes a hard stop. Tires screech in the background. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Brass: We got enough for a hit-and-run. Ben Weston: All right, hold on. It's not what you think. (Quick Flashback to BEN WESTON on his cell phone as seen through the reflection from the rear view mirror.) Ben Weston: (V.O.) I called in my order. I looked down to put away my phone. (Cut to BEN WESTON putting his phone down and his car hitting something. Cut to view of the seatbelt cutting through the driver on impact. Cut to BEN WESTON stopping the car, getting out and walking to the front of the car to take a look around.) Ben Weston (cont.) : I hit something. I stopped. I looked around. I couldn't see anything. (End of flashback. Resume to present and BEN WESTON continuing to put his dress shirt back on.) Ben Weston: I figured it must have been a dog and it ran off. So I drove to the restaurant and that's when my car was stolen. It was a rough night. (SARA shakes her head and openly scoffs at the explanation.) Ben Weston: (to SARA) Look, my car was stolen. What happened next, I don't know. (BRASS holds up a hand.) Brass: Save it. You're under arrest. Ben Weston: All right. (BEN WESTON grabs his tie off of the table and his coat from the back of his chair. He leaves the room.) (SARA looks away and shakes her head.) Sara: I hate lawyers. Grissom: We need a warrant for his house. We need to find something we can use to keep that creep off the street. FLASH TO WHITE: [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT - DAY] (NICK and DET. LOCKWOOD hike up the trail STACY WARNER traveled.) Det. Lockwood: I'm all for retracing the girl's steps but it wouldn't hurt to bring in some cadets. Nick: If it was a little kid or a mass casualty maybe we'd get that kind of manpower but hey, exercise is good for us, right? Det. Lockwood: Air feels thin to me. (They continue to hike up the side of the mountain. DET. LOCKWOOD finds it.) Det. Lockwood: Check it out. (Some distance from them, a large jacket is wedged in the rocks. It leaks its down filling into the wind.) Nick: Let's go. (NICK puts on his gloves and checks out the jacket wedged in the rocks.) Det. Lockwood: You said the vic was wearing light layers of clothing, right? Nick: Yeah, several layers, tempered cotton. This is a men's extra large. This is too big for her. Goose down like I found on her body. What's this? (NICK looks through the pockets and finds a map of Diablo Canyon and the Highlands with the following information: ) [MATT HUDSON From: request(a)trailmaps.webct.net To: matthudson(a)webct.net Sent: Friday, April 26, 2002 4:25 PM Subject: Trail map request Diablo Canyon, NV TOPOl map printed on 03/22/02 from *diablo ... ] Nick: Ah. Property of Mr. Muscles. Det. Lockwood: You want to run it? Nick: Well, maybe he left a day later than he said for his little marathon, you know? Followed her out here, started arguing with her no neighbors around to call the cops. (Quick Flashback to STACY WARNER hiking up the mountain and scrambling away from something (or someone) behind her. STACY WARNER hits her head against the rocks. Someone pulling STACY WARNER down the mountain where the two struggle.) Nick: (V.O.) She manages to fight her way free finds higher ground, he follows her, takes her down. (End of flashback. Resume on DET. LOCKWOOD.) Det. Lockwood: So then what? He drowns her with canteen water? (Quick flashback to STACY WARNER struggling with her attacker. Sounds of sloshing water from a canteen can be heard in the background. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume on DET. LOCKWOOD.) Det. Lockwood: I'm going to let you run that by the D.A. Nick: You should try describing a scuba diver up in a tree, man. This is nothing. No, the evidence tells a story. Det. Lockwood: So why'd a cagey guy like our suspect leave his jacket up here? Nick: Everybody thinks they have a plan till things start to go wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Matt Hudson: I gave Stacy my jacket the morning she left for Diablo for night layering. Extreme hikers can't carry bedrolls. That's what makes it extreme. Det. Lockwood: And she just left your jacket wedged under some rocks. Matt Hudson: Maybe. I don't know. Ok, I gave it to her to take care of her. I loved Stacy. Nick: Then help us out here, man. I've got prior disturbance calls, her blood in the pool, her body drowned in the middle of the desert with your jacket nearby ... your map. (NICK holds up the baggied trail map.) Matt Hudson: That's my trail map. I'd like it back. Nick: No. No, it's evidence now. You can put a request in for it when we complete our investigation, okay? Matt Hudson: Am I free to go? Det. Lockwood: You're not under arrest. (MATT HUDSON gets up and leaves the room.) Nick: I'm getting this to QD. He doesn't want me to have this map and I want to know why. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BEN WESTON'S RESIDENCE -- DAY] (SARA and GRISSOM walk up BEN WESTON'S driveway. They're carrying their CSI kits. Standing out front is BEN WESTON with BRASS.) (BRASS sighs.) Brass: He made bail. Sara: Yeah, that figures. (BRASS reaches into his inner coat pocket and takes out a bench warrant. He hands it to BEN WESTON.) Brass: Oh, I almost forgot. Here's a warrant to search your premises. Grissom: We'd like to start in your garage. Ben Weston: Yeah. (BEN WESTON takes a step toward GRISSOM.) Ben Weston: Look, I'm filing a complaint with your supervisor. You're harassing me. Grissom: If you're a lawyer, you should know the legal definition of harassment. Investigating a crime doesn't quite fit the criteria. However, a false accusation of harassment within earshot of my colleagues could be construed as slander. I know the law, too and I've actually been in a courtroom. (Camera holds on BEN WESTON.) HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BEN WESTON'S GARAGE -- DAY] (The garage door opens. GRISSOM, SARA and BRASS walk in. GRISSOM looks at the car.) Grissom: This was parked in the driveway, wasn't it? Ben Watson: Now that's a crime? Grissom: Jim, could you get this car moved for us? Brass: Unless the keys are in the ignition hand them over. (BEN WATSON hands the keys over to BRASS.) Ben Watson: It's a rental. You're not on my policy. Brass: I'm a safe driver. Wait outside. (BRASS moves the car revealing a large white stain on the concrete underneath. GRISSOM leans in close to smell the stain.) Grissom: It smells like bleach to me. Sara: I'll check for blood. Grissom: Why would he leave his car outside with the sprinklers on instead of putting it in here? Sara: Maybe the garage was full. (GRISSOM looks around and thinks. SARA does a test for blood.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (MATT HUDSON'S map hangs from the vertical light.) Ronnie Litre: What exactly do you want me to look for? Stokes: Alterations, erasures, paper content. The guy was really nervous about me having these maps. Ronnie Litre: Okay, I'll test the components in the inks and then bombard the paper with different wavelengths of light. We'll see what's up. Nick: Sounds good, man. Thanks, man. Ronnie Litre: You bet. (NICK happens to see GRISSOM passing by the hallway outside. He looks up when NICK calls out to him.) Nick: Hey, Grissom ... (GRISSOM stops.) Nick (to Ronnie): Keep me posted. Ronnie Litre: I will. (NICK approaches GRISSOM. They talk as they walk down the hallway.) [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] Nick: Did you take a look at that maggot from e desert yet? Grissom: Yes. Nick: And? Grissom: Well, it belongs to the family of sarcophagids. That's as far as I got. Nick: You mind taking another look for me? Grissom: Your maggot never developed, Nick. It never will. Nick: Why? Grissom: It happens to sarcophagids when they're exposed to freezing temperatures before they're allowed to pupate. Nick: So, my maggot was stunted? Grissom: Probably by frozen air. Nick: Yeah, but we found the vic in the desert. Grissom: Well, maybe it was a very cold night. Mucho frio. (They arrive at GRISSOM'S destination. GRISSOM leaves into the room. NICK turns back down the hallway they just came from.) Nick: Muchas gracias. (NICK walks out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (GREG stands next to the glass wall to the lab. He faces the large wall monitor that shows what NICK is working on inside the room on the computer. NICK looks up and smiles.) Nick: Come on in, Greg. Greg: Hey. Nick: Hey. Greg: So I heard about your cold maggot. Nick: News travels fast. Greg: I was thinking -- most people figure Las Vegas means the strip. But it really means "the meadows." Nick: I'm trying to calculate barometric pressures here, G. Greg: Well, my point is Nevada is a Basin-and-Range State. Down in the desert basin, hardly any rain. But up in the mountain ranges, it's 40 inches a year. That's more than Seattle ... more than San Francisco. More than ... Nick: Yeah, yeah, I see where you're going. Last week in Vegas -- perfect weather. Warm, steady barometric pressure, but ... out in Diablo, two days before I found Stacy Warner's body ... (Camera shows the computer screen NICK works on. Camera moves in toward the screen.) Greg: The Mountain Shadow Effect. (Quick CGI POV as the camera moves in to the computer screen and through the computer-generated Diablo Canyon. Computer generated clouds above and sounds of thunder can be heard. End of CGI POV.) Greg: That's what meteorologists call it. (NICK nods.) Nick: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. -- NIGHT] (ROBBINS walks outside toward GRISSOM who is leaning in through the rear window of the car.) Robbins: This is Ecklie's Mercedes? Grissom: Well, actually, I sold it to him five years ago. It was in much better condition back then. (SARA approaches from behind.) Sara: Hey. So I checked with auto detail. Uh, obviously, if you fill a car up with enough water or, in our case, blood it's going to leak through the bottom. Grissom: Dicing wounds with glass were limited to the upper torso, right? Robbins: Top of the head, face, top of shoulders and forearms. Grissom: Which would be consistent with a head-on crash. Sara: The head of the victim crashed into the passenger side of the windshield. Grissom: Well, this isn't the same model or year but it's close enough. Sara: Okay, I'm thinking that the car clipped the victim here and he was catapulted ... and he was positioned something like this. (SARA climbs onto the hood of the mercedes, her head facing the passenger windshield. GRISSOM looks in from the open driver's window.) (Quick flashback to BOB MARTIN slamming head first through the wind shield. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Grissom: So now he's bleeding and his blood is dripping onto the mat. (Quick flashback to blood dripping from BOB MARTIN'S bleeding face. Cut to close up of blood drop spattering. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Robbins: The victim bled out for two days. Grissom: Yeah, but he could have been conscious, right? Until he lost a third of his circulating blood volume? Robbins: Then the hypovolemic shock would have set in after approximately 12 hours. Grissom: So it's possible that he was wedged into the windshield of Ben Weston's Mercedes which was parked in Ben Weston's garage. Sara: We know where Bob Martin was. Where was Ben Weston? Grissom: My guess? ... at work, making a good impression. (Quick flashback to BEN WESTON on the phone in his office. He's smiling and laughing. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Robbins: Sometimes I'm glad I only deal with dead people. (ROBBINS walks away.) Sara: You know ... the tow truck driver said Weston's Mercedes was totaled. But the only damage would have been to the bumper and the windshield. He's lying. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SALVAGE YARD.] (MITCHELL SULLIVAN washes the grime from his hands. Reflected in the mirror in front of him, we see BRASS standing there.) Mitchell Sullivan: Maybe it wasn't totaled. I don't remember. I was only interested in the parts. Brass: You don't know who phoned it in? Mitchell Sullivan: It was a guy. What else can I tell you? Brass: Mr. Sullivan, in '96 you were arrested for vandalism, right? Mitchell Sullivan: I was 18. It was a prank. I hoisted the principal's station wagon onto the roof of the gym. Brass: St. Ignacias High School, right? Grissom: You know. It's funny, but the registered owner of the Mercedes also went to St. Ignacious. You were in the same class. Ben Weston. Mitchell Sullivan: That might ring a bell. So what? Grissom: He's been arrested on a hit-and-run. He's also under suspicion for murder. That makes you an accomplice after the fact. Twenty to life. (MITCHELL SULLIVAN turns around to face BRASS. He's not too thrilled with this disclosure.) Mitchell Sullivan: Okay, look, all I did was take his call, take his car. I don't even like the guy. In high school, he's the one who turned me in. He said he wanted to make it up to me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - NIGHT] (SARA opens the car trunk and uses her flashlight to look inside. Behind her, GREG walks in.) Greg: Just remind yourself that usually I bring the case home. (GREG hands SARA the test results with the following information: ) Date: 5/01/02 PCR AMP #: 198456722 DNA STR TYPING RESULT ... Sample # 1: "Blood In Concrete" INC. INC. INC. INC. INC. NR. NR. INC. INC. INC. Greg: If that garage floor stain started out as blood the bleach just degraded it. There's nothing for me to work with. Sorry. Sara: There goes the slam dunk. Blood in the garage would have conclusively linked victim to killer. Greg: So is this his rental car? Sara: Sunset Park is two miles from Ben Weston's house. I was thinking maybe he used this car to transport the body to the dump site. Greg: So we should be able to find some of the vic's blood or hair or fibers from his clothes? Sara: No visible trace of any kind. Except for this. (At the bottom on the trunk is a large screw-like handle. She unscrews it and sticks her finger inside and we notice evidence of white power along the trunk edges.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DIABLO CANYON -- DAY] Det. Lockwood: So this Mountain Shadow Effect -- the barometric pressure spikes down the temperature strikes down ... Nick: Right. Humidity spikes up. Moisture in the air condenses. (Quick flashback to CGI recreation of clouds gathering in the canyon at night. Thunder can be heard. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Det. Lockwood: The mountains get a flash flood. Nick: I checked with the national weather service. This area got three inches of rain in 20 minutes the night Stacy died. (Quick flashback to STACY WARNER hiking at night.) Det. Lockwood: (V.O.) So, she was up here hiking when the weather changed. (Clouds roll overhead. Thunder rumbles. Wind whistles.) Nick: (V.O.) Got nasty in a hurry. Nothing she could really do about it. Det. Lockwood: (V.O.) Takes one to the head ... on to the basalt rock. She's trying to clear the cobwebs when the rain hit. (STACY WARNER hits her head on the rocks. She looks up at the sky. It starts raining. She tries to continue to climb up the rocks and slide down as it continues to rain. Thunder rumbles. She gets caught in the flood of water pouring down from above.) Nick: (V.O.) But it was too late. She drowns in the floodwater. Body gets carried to the base of the canyon. (STACY WARNER loses her grip and gets swept down from the rocks by the flood water. Cut to CGI POV as the floodwaters push STACY WARNER'S body down to the canyon floor where NICK and DET. LOCKWOOD stand.) Det. Lockwood: A couple hours worth of sun water dries up. (As the body comes to a halt, it fades out. End of Flashback and CGI POV. Resume to present.) Nick: No evidence of the storm anywhere except on the vic who carried traced amounts of basalt rock with her and rainwater in her throat. (NICK'S cell phone rings.) Nick: (to phone) Stokes. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - LAB] Ronnie Litre: The map has definitely been tampered with. Nick: (over phone) You sure about that? Ronnie Litre: Positive. Chemical tag in the ink tells the tale. Then I shot the maps with 300 nanometers just to be sure. Nick: (over phone) I need you to get those results to me. Ronnie Litre: Thought you would. I have a messenger on call. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HUDSON/WARNER RESIDENCE -- DAY] (MATT HUDSON runs on the treadmill.) Matt Hudson: Are you telling me Stacy's death was an accident? Nick: An accident of nature, yeah. But you still had a hand in her death just the same, didn't you, Mr. Hudson? Matt Hudson: What are you talking about? Nick: Why don't you take a break. Come on over here for a sec. (MATT HUDSON stops running on the treadmill and steps off. He grabs his towel and approaches NICK.) Nick: You altered the map. You used the same color ink as the printer but the chemical tags in the ink are different. This is magic marker. (Quick CGI POV Flashback to someone using a pen to alter the map.) Nick: And when you shine ultraviolet light on it like this ... (NICK uses the light and the hand-made changes become apparent.) Nick: ... you can see exactly what you did. You made this look like an impenetrable ridge -- no way out, when it's actually a meadow. Det. Lockwood: If she had a good map she might have been able to find her way out of the highlands by nightfall. Matt Hudson: I didn't want her to die. I didn't. Nick: Then why did you alter the map? Matt Hudson: We competed. I'd just run the trail in three days. I didn't want her to beat my time. (NICK sighs.) Matt Hudson: Am I being charged with murder? Det. Lockwood: No. You altered the map, but you didn't make it rain. Nick: What you did isn't a crime ... but it is criminal, isn't it? (NICK and DET. LOCKWOOD leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE #30 [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Ben Weston: Oh, come on. Your entire case is circumstantial. Your physical evidence is pathetic. You've got, what, a wrecked car -- a white powder in a rental -- and a bleached-out stain in my garage. If that's all you've got you won't even get a filing. (From under the file in front of him, GRISSOM pulls out a baggied cell phone.) Ben Weston: My cell phone. Grissom: Yeah. Mitchell Sullivan found it in your car at his chop shop. Ben Weston: I hope he didn't make any long-distance calls. Thanks. (BEN WESTON reaches for it. GRISSOM stops him.) Grissom: It's evidence. Ben Weston: Yeah. (SARA walks in. BEN WESTON looks up.) Ben Weston: Hey, now it's a party. Sara: And I brought the music. (She holds up a small micro-cassette recorder. She takes a seat at the table.) Grissom: You'll be happy to know that there were no long-distanced calls made on your cell phone. But there was one call made -- to 9-1-1 at 2:30 A.M. On Tuesday morning while your car was still in your possession. (SARA turns on the table recorder.) 911 Operator (woman): 9-1-1. What's your emergency? Bob Martin (gasping): Please help me. (Flashback to BOB MARTIN hanging over the front seat passenger dash. He's bloodied and gasping for breath. In front of him is the blue glow of the cell phone's LCD panel.) Bob Martin: I need help ... 911 Operator (woman): I can't hear you. You'll have to speak up. Bob Martin: Help ... 911 Operator (woman): Sir, our system is not compatible with your cellular phone. Where are you calling from? Bob Martin: (swallows) I'm in a garage. 911 Operator (woman): Sir, can you see a street sign? Bob Martin: It's dark ... (BOB MARTIN passes out with the effort. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (GRISSOM takes off his glasses.) Grissom: Explain it to me, Ben. How does a lawyer rationalize something like this? Sara: You know the law. You hit a guy. It was an accident. Nothing criminal. But you let it escalate to first-degree murder. I spoke with your senior partner. It was your first day on the job. Big firm. Big welcome. How many drinks did you have that night? (BEN WESTON looks at SARA.) Grissom: Let me guess. You wanted the alcohol to wear off before you called it in, right? So you decided to wait it out. Have a cup of coffee, sober up and then call the cops. But unfortunately, Bob Martin woke up. (Quick flashback. Door to garage opening. Light goes on. BEN WESTON appears in the doorway. BOB MARTIN is conscious.) Bob Martin: Help me. Please, help ... help me... (Camera close up of BEN WESTON. Garage lights go out. Garage door closes. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: So what do you do now, hmm? Can't walk into the Emergency Room and say, "Hey, this guy was bleeding to death in my garage while I was eating mu shu pork." (A soft knock sounds on the door to the interrogation room just before it opens.) Officer Metcalf: (quietly) Sara, there's someone here to see you. Sara: Not right now. Officer Metcalf: You'll want to talk to him. It's relevant. (SARA looks at GRISSOM. She stands and leaves the room.) (GRISSOM looks at BEN WESTON.) Ben Weston: I sacrificed to get where I am. My whole life was leading up to last Monday. Grissom: Yeah. It's tough, huh? Fifteen years to build your dream and a fifteen-second phone call destroys it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY OUTSIDE INTERROGATION ROOM] (SARA holds a piece of paper.) Sara: Where did you find this? Reed Collins: Packing up Bob's stuff. Found it on his dresser. Thought you'd want to see it. Sara: Thanks. (SARA leaves the hallway and goes back into the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- INTERROGATION ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] (SARA closes the door, sits down and hands the paper to GRISSOM. GRISSOM puts his glasses on to read it. He looks over at SARA. GRISSOM takes off his glasses and turns to BEN WESTON.) Grissom: When a driver hits a pedestrian the presumption is the driver is negligent. When a driver's been drinking and he hits a pedestrian it's no longer negligence, it's reckless homicide. But when a pedestrian intentionally throws himself in front of a moving vehicle then the driver's no longer responsible. Legally, he's off the hook. Sara: This suicide letter was written by Bob Martin to his wife Charlotte. When you hit him Monday night it wasn't an accident. (Quick flashback to close up of BOB MARTIN standing behind the bus stop. As the car driven by BEN WESTON approaches, BOB MARTIN deliberately walks toward it, stops and stands in front of the car waiting to be hit. Cut to BEN WESTON looking to the side presumably to put his cell phone down. The car impacts BOB MARTIN and he crashes in through the passenger wind shield. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: You were off the hook. Grissom: Until you let him die. (Camera holds on BEN WESTON.)
Plan: A: a body; Q: What is found buried in a park? A: lye; Q: What substance is found on a body found in a park? A: Sara; Q: Who is Grissom's partner in the investigation of the hit and run? A: the man; Q: Who was the victim of a hit and run? A: Nick; Q: Who investigates the death of a woman who drowned in the desert? A: the middle; Q: Where in the desert did the woman drown? Summary: When a body is found buried in a park, covered in lye , Grissom and Sara discover the man was the victim of a hit and run. Meanwhile Nick investigates the death of a woman who drowned in the middle of the desert.
[Teaser] [Act 1] (OPEN: EXT: Construction Site. A skateboarder does tricks all around a construction site near Kalorama Park until his skateboard snags something, causing a wipeout. He inspects the cause of his fall only to discover a human skull in the concrete.) [Scene 1] [Act 1] ( CUT: INT: Booth's apartment. Booth and Hannah get ready for work.) SPECIAL AGENT SEELEY BOOTH: Woo-hoo. Oh. You look nice today. HANNAH BURLEY: Down boy. Gotta go to work. BOOTH: Beautiful and responsive. How'd I get so lucky, huh? HANNAH: What do you know about Anacostia? BOOTH: It's a neighborhood about a mile and a half from here. Seedy. Prostitution. Lots of gangs. Bad activity. Why? HANNAH: You ever hear of local cops getting bought off down there? BOOTH: I thought you were only working the White House and Capital Hill. HANNAH: You can see Anacostia from the top of the Capital Dome. BOOTH: Really? HANNAH: Mmm-hmm. BOOTH: Expanding our portfolio, are we? HANNAH: Look who's talking. How many jurisdictional boundaries have you transgressed over the years? BOOTH: All of 'em. HANNAH: All of 'em. BOOTH: Every one of them. HANNAH: Bye. (Makes her way to the front door, exits.) BOOTH: (Watches her go with a fond smile.) Bye. Miss you. [Scene 2] [Act 1] ( CUT: INT: Royal Diner. Booth, Sweets, and Brennan eat together at the diner.) DR. LANCE SWEETS: Anacostia? That's a really tough part of town. BOOTH: Not compared to downtown Karbala, it's not. BRENNAN: Or the surface of Venus, which is covered by clouds of Sulfuric acid and hundreds of active mega volcanoes. What? We were talking about tough neighborhoods. SWEETS: Uh-huh. It's good that Hannah is totally jazzed about her work, though. BRENNAN: For smart people like Hannah and me, not being jazzed is physically painful. BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're saying that Hannah does extra work because she's bored at home? SWEETS: No. No. BOOTH: I'm an exciting guy. I, for example, I'm making dinner for her tonight. With wine. SWEETS: You just decided that now, didn't you? BRENNAN: If you're not the cause of her ennui then it stands to reason that you cannot make her happy. It's standard first order logic. BOOTH: First order logic? SWEETS: First order logic is a philosophical system of reasoning using if/then statements as quantifiers and predicates. BRENNAN: If/then statements are binary truth functions wherein a compound sentence is logically equivalent to the negative. BOOTH: Guys, Guys. Hannah and I are really happy. I gave her the big closet and I always put the seat down after I pee. BRENNAN: You should also put the lid down. Otherwise a fine mist of aerosolized urine and fecal particulates are sprayed into the air every time you flush. You might as well brush your teeth in excrement. SWEETS: She's right. BOOTH: (Booth's phone rings, he answers it.) Yeah. Thank God you called. Okay. Great, thanks. (Hangs up.) We have a case. (Points at Brennan's coffee.) Get that to go. (Booth gets up and departs table leaving Brennan and Sweets behind. Brennan takes a last sip of her coffee and follows behind.) [Scene 3] [Act 1] (CUT: EXT: Construction Site, near Kalorama Park (Crime Scene). Booth and Brennan arrive at the crime scene where Brennan probes the buried skeleton for more information.) BOOTH: I dunno. Looks like a giant man eating clam. BRENNAN: No, there's no such thing as a man eating clam. BOOTH: Oh, you know, the giant ones, they clamp on your leg like a bear trap. BRENNAN: A - the shells close too slowly to catch anything; B - the really big ones can't even close all the way. BOOTH: Not in the movies I've watched. FBI AGENT: It's all yours. BOOTH: Whoa-Ho! Poor guy. Now, he's stuck in a hard place. BRENNAN: How do you know it's a male? BOOTH: I don't. I just meant, you know, I just...I feel bad whatever s*x... BRENNAN: Ugh. However, you are correct. Given the angle of the jaw and the wear to the teeth, the victim is a male in his late twenties. BOOTH: Male. Late twenties. Okay, what's that? BRENNAN: Probe. These appear to be the only remains encased here. BOOTH: What do you mean? BRENNAN: Where's the back of his skull? BOOTH: Oh, okay. So what you're saying is that there could be male parts all just embedded here in this big slab of concrete? BRENNAN: There's the impression of the rest of the skull. When the concrete set, the bone was still there but somehow it disappeared in the mean time. BOOTH: So, let me guess - you want the whole slab of concrete shipped back to the Jeffersonian, right? BRENNAN: No. Don't be absurd. A two by three by four meter section will be fine. BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: Shouldn't weight more than a ton. [Scene 4] [Act 1] (CUT: INT: Jeffersonian Platform) DR. JACK HODGINS: (Vacuums dust from slab which has been relocated to the Jeffersonian platform.) Nothing here but dust. ARASTOO VAZIRI Perhaps it's what's left of the missing bones. BRENNAN: It could be many things Mr. Vaziri. Speculation is pointless until we analyze the evidence. ARASTOO: Sorry. I've been away from Forensic Anthropology for almost a year. I guess I'm rusty. DR. CAMILLE SAROYAN: But we are delighted to have you back, aren't we, Dr. Brennan? BRENNAN: Yes, we're delighted. Cultural Anthropology is a fine discipline but it doesn't involve as much hard science as Forensic Anthropology. I hope that you'll be able to make the requisite readjustment. ARASTOO: Like time has stood still. HODGINS: All done. So many tunnels in there. Like an ant farm. ARASTOO: Since we have the Fluoroscope, I was thinking I could inject the Barium Sulfate slurry into the concrete. Once inside I could Fluoroscope the slurry like an MRI. BRENNAN: That should give us a clear picture of what we're dealing with without destroying the concrete. HODGINS: How's that for hard science thinking? Good boy, Arastoo. HODGINS: It looks like a human skeleton. ARASTOO: It is a Skeleton. Or at least a cast of one. CAM: So the tissue must have decomposed before the concrete was poured. HODGINS: Why? BRENNAN: Because otherwise we'd be looking at the mold of a human body instead of the mold of a skeleton. CAM: What happened to the victim's clothing? HODGINS: Natural fibers like cotton would have decomposed to dust or tatters in say, I don't know, four months. ARASTOO: But not bones. BRENNAN: If we can find out what happened to the victim's skeletal structure we may be able to figure out what happened to him. [SMASH CUT: MAIN TITLES] [Scene 1] [Act 2] (Fade in: INT: Jeffersonian platform) BRENNAN: All right, so the victim was lying on his back, arms by his side. CAM: He must have been knocked unconscious, paralyzed or already dead. BRENNAN: What's your thinking? CAM: If he was conscious he would have curled up in pain or tried to crawl away. ARASTOO: Found something really...odd. CAM: Something between the victim's teeth? ARASTOO: No. On his teeth. Is there any such thing as a dental tattoo? BRENNAN: There's no reason ink couldn't be introduced into the enamel. CAM: Whadda ya got? Huh. Well, that's a new one. BRENNAN: There's a figure of an upside down man on the victims on the left central maxillary incisor. ARASTOO: I believe he's affecting a head spin - a classic hip hop move. CAM: There can't be too many people that tattoo teeth, right? This could lead to the victim's identity. BRENNAN: I will find it extremely frustrating if the victim's identity is all we can discern. CAM: Well, unless you can take bone dust and turn it back into a full skeleton, this is all we've got to work with. [Scene 2] [Act 2] (Cut: INT: Booth's Apartment. Hannah returns home to a candlelight dinner.) HANNAH: Oh God. BOOTH: What? HANNAH: You're going to propose. BOOTH: No! HANNAH: Uh, candles, wine, new toothbrushes? BOOTH: Right. HANNAH: You went through all this to tell me I have bad breath? BOOTH: No. I just think you need a new toothbrush. Well, actually we both do. I bought these two. Obviously. And you can choose which color you like. HANNAH: something Temperance said? BOOTH: Yeah. Something she did. Trust me you do not want to know. HANNAH: Aah. BOOTH: More importantly, time for a little wine. The day is over. HANNAH: Oh, thanks. BOOTH: There you go. For you. Okay. There you go. For me. Cheers. HANNAH: Cheers. BOOTH: So, we're good here. HANNAH: Okay, Seeley, what's all this about? BOOTH: Nothing. Why does it have to be about something? HANNAH: You found out that my editor won't let me pursue the corrupt cop story. Huh? BOOTH: No, I didn't. What did he say? HANNAH: I quote - the White House press corps chases history, not lurid true crime stories. BOOTH: Wow, he actually said the word lurid? HANNAH: It's not funny. BOOTH: It is kinda funny. HANNAH: Why is it funny? BOOTH: Well, because I know that you're still going to do that story without his permission. And I think that really makes me laugh. HANNAH: I like that you know me that well. BOOTH: Yeah. Hey, is there any chance that I could say to you, uh, be careful, and then you could say 'safety first'? HANNAH: It's worth a shot. BOOTH: Okay. You be careful. HANNAH: Safety first. BOOTH: Liar. (Gooses her.) HANNAH: Aren't we going to eat first? BOOTH: No way. [Scene 3] [Act 2] ( Cut: INT: Jeffersonian - Platform. Brennan joins Angela at the lab - it's clear Angela's been up all night.) BRENNAN: Angela. Good morning. Hello. ANGELA: Ooph. It is morning, yeah? BRENNAN: You stayed up all night? ANGELA: Yes. BRENNAN: Is that good for the baby? ANGELA: Well, what he doesn't know doesn't hurt him, right? Okay, so here is an additive stereolithograph that I borrowed for archaeology. You need a skeleton, and I'm gonna make a reasonable facsimile. BRENNAN: Are those lasers? ANGELA: Their purpose is to cure micro thin layers of liquid resin into hard plastic. The stacking of these two dimensional layers will create a three dimensional object. BRENNAN: The fluoroscopic scan created a template. ANGELA: Which you'll use to grow a plastic replica of the victim's skeleton. BRENNAN: How accurate will it be? ANGELA: That's for you and Arastoo to find out. While I take a well deserved nap. BRENNAN: at worst, it will be as accurate as a fossil. I find I am totally jazzed by you out of the box lateral thinking. ARASTOO: (Enters.) Come to work and find myself in the future. BRENNAN: Time travel is impossible Mr. Vaziri. But I know exactly what you mean. CAM: (Enters.) Wow. If you're taking orders, I'd like a six four, thirty-seven year old male, with a good income and no mommy issues. [SCENE 4] [Act 2] (Cut: INT: Jeffersonian - Bone Room) ARASTOO: The detail is remarkable. ANGELA: Thank you. CAM: It's even flexible at the joints where the tendons and ligaments were replicated. ANGELA: Right. But can we get anything useful from it? ARASTOO: Well, the victim had turned out hips and high arches. That along with the muscle attachment at the shoulders and hips suggests that he was a ballet dancer. There are nicks on the lateral and posterior surfaces. ANGELA: Okay. Why don't you just flip it over so we can get a better look? ARASTOO: We would never flip over a real skeleton. CAM: Ah, lucky for us this is a replica. Come on. Grab a limb. ANGELA: Hey, this was kinda fun. ARASTOO: These nicks suggest that he was stabbed. CAM: Or impaled. We haven't (unintelligible) murder yet, Mr. Vaziri. It's possible that the victim blundered into a construction site, fell into the foundation and impaled himself on rebar. [SCENE 5] [Act 2] (Cut: INT: Dance Studio) BOOTH: Well, this is the place the guy with the tattoo on his tooth, Robert Pearson, (unintelligible). BRENNAN: That's assuming that Robert Pearson is the only missing person to have a tattoo of a hip hop dancer on his left front incisor. BOOTH: Uh-huh. BRENNAN: I admit the odds favor your conclusion. No family, no job? BOOTH: (unintelligible), a year. (unintelligible) off the grid. Cynthia Rinaldi: Clumsy, clumsy, clumsy. What are you doing? Are you new? BOOTH: Wow, she's mean. BRENNAN: Ballet is a rigorous vocation, Booth. BOOTH: Whoa. CYNTHIA: Bad posture, bad hands, bad partner. Are you an eagle? MALE DANCER: Excuse me? CYNTHIA: Are you an eagle? MALE DANCER: No. CYNTHIA: Then stop making claws. Fingers flat on all lifts. That hurts, right? BOOTH: Okay, I really don't have any problems seeing this woman kill somebody. You? BRENNAN: Well, she's quite small physically. CYNTHIA: I suggest you learn how to perform a lift. BOOTH: She's mean. Whoa. Okay, well, there's your evidence of strength. CYNTHIA: That's how you perform a lift. (To Booth) what do you want? I'm trying to bring a little beauty to the world, if that's okay with you. BOOTH: We just have a few questions about one of your former students. CYNTHIA: Which former student? I have quite a number of former students. BRENNAN: Robert Pearson. CYNTHIA: Robert? I hope you're here to tell me he's dead. BOOTH: Today is your lucky day. BRENNAN: Why do you wish him to be dead? CYNTHIA: Because he is the one who broke this ankle and set my career back three years. [SCENE 1] [Act 3] ( Fade in: INT: Dance Studio) CYNTHIA: You want me to break down and cry because Robert's dead? People die, bad things happen. BOOTH: Oh, so you blame Robert for breaking your ankle? CYNTHIA: Yes. An accident not too different from what you saw today. But I'll be just fine in six months. BRENNAN: Your gait and the contour of your ankle indicate that you suffered compound fractures to the medial and lateral malleolus. BOOTH: Lateral mallevious. Well, sounds pretty serious, huh? BRENNAN: She'll never be able to properly execute a fouette again. BOOTH: Heh. Career ender, huh? You don't seem too surprised. CYNTHIA: Doctors say things all the time, it doesn't make it true. BOOTH: Right. Your dad owns a construction company, right? CYNTHIA: Yeah. So? BOOTH: So, you must know your way around a construction site pretty well. You know, Robert was just found in a recently completed site. CYNTHIA: Okay, this...this is crazy. I could never kill anyone. BOOTH: It's not crazy. You know, people do this all the time. They get mad. A little too mad. BRENNAN: (unintelligible) actually Robert's fault you fell? CYNTHIA: It, it, it was a pas de deux. He dropped me. That is not my fault. BRENNAN: Given your height, you are well over the optimal weight for a ballerina. It would be difficult for anybody to perform proper pas de deux with you. CYNTHIA: Are you calling me fat? BRENNAN: No. No. For a member of the general public you are actually quite (unintelligible), but by ballerina standards - CYNTHIA: You bitch! BOOTH: Okay, temper, temper. CYNTHIA: Look, if you're going to charge me with something get on with it otherwise I have a class to teach. [SCENE 2] [Act 3] (Cut: INT: Jeffersonian - Bone Room) ARASTOO: There are remodeled, circular micro fractures on the skull. CAM: So someone struck him on the head with a twirling - what twirls, and is good for hitting on the head? ARASTOO: Very thin cardboard on asphalt? CAM: So he left ballet to become a spinning on his head dancer? HODGINS: Check this out. Initial analysis of the powdered bone dust revealed traces of Blastomyces Dermatitidis. It's a fascinating fungus that quite literally eats bone. CAM: So that's what happened to the rest of his skeleton? A fungus ate it? ARASTOO: Where did the fungus come from? HODGINS: It must have been introduced to the bone before he died. CAM: Ouch. HODGINS: Well, it's bad for him but good for us. I mean the fungus probably hitched a ride on the murder weapon. Now, check this out. I crosschecked the CDC's infectious disease map for outbreaks of the fungus in the area. There was an outbreak in Kalorama Park about six months ago. ARASTOO: Fits the time frame. CAM: Kalorama Park's loaded with street performers. ARASTOO: Perfect place for a guy to spin on his head. HODGINS: Added twist - as well as the fungus in the bone dust, I found flecks of bronze in his wounds. CAM: So we'll tell Booth to keep an eye out for a bronze murder weapon in Kalorama Park. [SCENE_BREAK] [SCENE 3] [Act 3] ( Cut: ext: Kalorama Park) BOOTH: Must have been quite a come down to have been working for a professional ballet company to, you know, dancing for tips. BRENNAN: For centuries busking has been a viable way for creative people to earn a living. No BARRIERS between the performer and the audience with payment coming only after the performance. It's ENTERTAINMENT in its purest unfettered form. BOOTH: I bet he drove his parents crazy. BRENNAN: The fluidity with which he moves should not be possible. It appears as if he has no bones. BOOTH: Well, that would put you out of business wouldn't it? BRENNAN: We should talk to some of the buskers, Booth. BOOTH: Excuse me, FBI special agent Booth. This here is Dr. Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian. Just want to ask you a few questions. BEVERLY HOULE: We're just performing. This isn't federal land. The FBI has no jurisdiction over us. BOOTH: Oh, hey, just simmer down there... uh BEVERLY: Beverly. BOOTH: Beverly. We don't want to take away from your... what did you call it? BRENNAN: Pure unfettered entertainment. BOOTH: Exactly. JOHNNY WIZARD: we got off on the wrong foot here. I'm Johnny. Johnny Wizard. And this is Derrick. Derrick here keeps the park clean for us. BOOTH: Derrick. JOHNNY: You might wanna take better care of your watch. BRENNAN: Oh, ho - that was very good. BOOTH: Give me that. JOHNNY: How 'bout this. BRENNAN: Look Booth. BOOTH: Yeah, look. Hey, an ear flower. Great. You guys recognize this man? DERRICK PRICE: Yeah, that's Robert. Is he in trouble? BRENNAN: Robert is dead. BEVERLY: Oh no. DERRICK: Man, that's terrible. BEVERLY: Told you it was weird he just disappeared like that. BRENNAN: Then why didn't you report him missing? BEVERLY: Weird is just weird, it's not suspicious. We thought he went legit, left us behind. BOOTH: You and Robert have a little thing there? BEVERLY: Only business. I played, he danced. JOHNNY: What happened to him? BOOTH: That's what we're investigating right now. When was the last time you guys saw him. BEVERLY: Six months ago? JOHNNY: I think this would really suit you. BRENNAN: That is my bracelet. BOOTH: I hate magic. Hate magic. Did he have any enemies? BEVERLY: Everybody loved Robert. DERRICK: What about Russell. BOOTH: Who's Russell? DERRICK: They got in a fight about prime dance spots. BEVERLY: But the worked it out. BOOTH: All right, listen, if you hear of anything, here's my card just give me a call. Okay. Whoa, easy. You know, it's a federal offense to steal an FBI agent's ID. I could shoot you if I want you, you know that? Shoot you. BRENNAN: Hodgins found bronze particulates at the site. BOOTH: Yeah, so? BRENNAN: This statue seems to be made of bronze. Perhaps some of the sharp edges are responsible for the injuries we discovered. (Statue moves.) Oh! BOOTH: Whoa! [SCENE 1] [Act 4] ( Cut: INT: FBI Hoover Building - Interrogation Room) SWEETS: Mr. Milford. I'm Dr. Lance Sweets. I'm a psychologist. Now, the reason I'm talking to you is that every time the FBI agent I work with asked you a question you spouted Shakespearean verse at him. He doesn't speak Shakespearean. We found traces of bronze on a murder victim. You're covered in bronze. What I think is that you suffer from an untreated dissociative identity disorder wherein the only way that you can communicate is through Shakespeare. So. An honest tale speeds best being plainly told. TYLER MILFORD: Truth is truth to the end of reckoning. SWEETS: You're talking. Okay. Uh. Regarding the homicide of Robert Pearson. There is special providence in the fall of a sparrow. TYLER: by Isis, will give thee bloody teeth if thou with Robert paragon again. SWEETS: Oh, okay, so you're saying that Robert wasn't an innocent victim. Right. Uh. But were we burdened with like weight of pain, as much or more we should ourselves complain. TYLER: This is the short and long of it - there is no honor amongst thieves. SWEETS: Oh, he's a thief? What kind of thief was he? One may smile and smile and be a villain. TYLER: A cutpurse of the empire and the rule - that from a shelf the precious diadem stole and put it in his pocket. SWEETS: Robert Pearson was a thief, a cutpurse. That's a pickpocket, right? He worked with someone. He betrayed him. And where the offense is let the great axe fall. TYLER: Well. I can no other answer make but thanks and thanks. How far that little candle throws his beam so shines a good deed in a naughty world. SWEETS: Well, thank you. [SCENE 2] [Act 4] ( Cut: INT: Jeffersonian - Bone Room) ARASTOO: There are nicks to the right tibia, femur and ilium. The back of the tenth rib on the left side, the left transverse process of the T6 and the right scapula. BRENNAN: These marks are congruous with impaling, but none suggest cause of death. ARASTOO: Maybe he bled out. HODGINS: the bronze particulates I found didn't come from the paint on the Shakespearean Looney Tunes. BRENNAN: Where did they come from? HODGINS: I dunno. Maybe a pipe? ARASTOO: That was helpful. BRENNAN: I discern from your tone that you mean the opposite of what you're saying. Which is the very definition of irony. [SCENE 3] [Act 4] ( Cut: INT: Jeffersonian - Angela's Office) ANGELA: This is the construction site before the concrete was poured. This is rebar. No over that is a layer of plastic sheeting. It appears that the victim was pushed or fell from this spot. CAM: How high is that? ANGELA: Just shy of three meters. And he was impaled here. CAM: But his skull was found over there. ANGELA: Yeah, the body was yanked off the rebar and dragged over there. The plastic sheeting was sliced and the body was shoved underneath. CAM: So the corpse decomposed under the plastic for four months before the concrete was poured? ANGELA: Well, the construction company went bust and the whole area was fenced off for several months. And then another company Came in and bought the project and poured the foundation. Now the concrete lifted the skull through the slit in the plastic and the rest of the bones dissolved from Hodgins fungus. This guy was impaled. So, how did nobody notice the blood for four months? CAM: Black plastic and rusty rebar from a distance - practically impossible. Can all of the nicks on the bones be explained by the rebar? ANGELA: Yeah, let me show you. CAM: Okay, what's that? ANGELA: That's a nick on his spine. CAM: Okay, the wound on the right transverse process of the t-6 does not line up with the rest of the wounds from the rebar. ANGELA: Well, it could have been inflicted before he fell on the rebar. CAM: That one. It punctures his lung. This is not only cause of death; it's the way Hodgins fungus was introduced into the bone marrow. [SCENE 4] [Act 4] ( Cut: INT: Booth's SUV) BOOTH: So, you remember these entertainers fight over the best spots, right? BRENNAN: Yes. BOOTH: Okay, so who had the most to gain from Robert Pearson leaving? BRENNAN: The other dancer, Russell Leonard. BOOTH: Yeah, so with Robert gone, Russell's the only dancer. Robert's death doubled his income. BRENNAN: That's not all you got. Because if we're looking for a pickpocket that magician makes a good suspect. BOOTH: Uh, uh, uh. Magician's record's totally clean. Russell was arrested two months ago for threatening another dancer with a sharpened screwdriver. BRENNAN: The murder weapon as described by Cam and Angela could very well be a sharpened screwdriver tipped with a bone eating fungus. BOOTH: Bone eating fungus? Sometimes you say things that sound crazy in a really serious tone of voice. BRENNAN: Perhaps. [SCENE 5] [Act 4] ( Cut: INT: Kalorama Park) RUSSELL LEONARD: (Passes tip hat around the circle) all right, all right. Thank you, thank you. All right. Thank you. That's what I'm talking about ... (comes to Booth and Brennan) all that and you can't even kick in a buck? What's up with that? Oh now you're kicking my stuff? That's police brutality. BOOTH: I'm not kicking, I'm just stumbling. You wanna know what Bones? BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: You know what I feel with my foot there? Looks like a weapon. Uh-oh, parole violation, pal. (Cuffs Russell) BRENNAN: Your fluidity makes it appear that you have no bones. And I am an expert on bones so I find that very impressive. RUSSELL: Well, thank you. I take that as a great compliment while being intimidated by law enforcement. BOOTH: (Answers phone) Booth. Yeah, uh, hold up. (Gestures to uniformed bicycle police in the vicinity.) Hey guys, over here. Uh, I'm on my way. BRENNAN: Booth, what's wrong? BOOTH: I gotta go. Hannah's been shot. [SCENE 1] [Act 5] Cut: INT: Hospital Room HANNAH: Don't worry Seeley, I'm fine. BOOTH: You got shot, Hannah, you're not fine. HANNAH: I've been shot before. So have you, right? BOOTH: It's not like you build up an immunity to gun shot wounds. All right. You know what? You should have taken me with you. HANNAH: Stop. If I'm there with an FBI guy, I don't get my story. You know that. BOOTH: Did you see the shooter. HANNAH: Why? You gonna go after him. BOOTH: Yeah, I am. HANNAH: They pulled a .38 slug outta my leg. BOOTH: A cop gun. HANNAH: When I was shot I was talking to a dealer who was telling me about cops moving drugs in his neighborhood. In my EXPERIENCE things are not that coincidental. BOOTH: Okay, so you're not gonna lose you job here are you? I'm mean you're editors not gonna can you? HANNAH: I'm shot. I'm pretty. Suddenly he thinks it's a pretty good story. BRENNAN: (Enters) I looked at your X-rays. HANNAH: Yeah, well, the doctor said it was nothing. I should be out in the morning. BRENNAN: That's a very bad idea. BOOTH: Why? BRENNAN: Because Hannah has suffered a hairline avulsion fracture of the femur. HANNAH: The doctor said it was a little nick on the bone. BRENNAN: An avulsion fracture is caused when a tendon or ligament pulls off a piece of bone. If you stress your leg incorrectly, the tendon could pull that shard of bone out farther than it already is and sever the femoral artery. You'd bleed out and die before anyone knew what had happened. HANNAH: You sure? BRENNAN: (Nods) I'll talk to the chief surgical resident. I believe he'll want to operate on you this evening. HANNAH: So basically, you saved my life. BRENNAN: (Turns to exit) BOOTH: Bones, thanks. Booth and Brennan share a look and he watches her leave. [SCENE 2] [Act 5] Cut: INT: Jeffersonian - Hodgins' Lab ARASTOO: Any evidence on the screwdriver? HODGINS: Well, I pulled all of this so I know he used the screwdriver to open beer, scrape dog excrement off the bottom of his shoe, stir coffee - ARASTOO: Hopefully not in that order. HODGINS: It's been six months. There's not much chance that the fungus would still be evident on the smooth metal surface. ARASTOO: So what now? HODGINS: Now it's time to go to the source. The CDC reported three more cases of Blastomyces Dermatitidis linked to Kalorama Park. ARASTOO: Which would tie the dancer to the murder. HODGINS: Ah, beats cultural anthropology, don't it? [SCENE 4] [Act 5] Cut: INT: FBI Hoover Building - Interior Hall SWEETS: Oh, Agent Booth - No, you should be with Hannah. Dr. Brennan and I can conduct the interrogation. BOOTH: Bones said the operation was routine. BRENNAN: it's a simple procedure, yes. BOOTH: And we have a case to work. SWEETS: Okay. Uh, you're obviously upset. And that's understandable. BOOTH: I'm not upset, okay? I'm just doing my job. BRENNAN: Something is happening here and I'm not sure what it is. SWEETS: Well, agent Booth had a scare. Someone very close to him could have died and now he's obviously in denial. BRENNAN: I'm close with Booth and am frequently in life threatening situations. But we persevere. BOOTH: See that Sweets? Not in denial. I'm persevering. BRENNAN: Persevering. BOOTH: That's right. SWEETS: (Mumbles) yeah, okay. [SCENE 4] [Act 5] Cut: INT: FBI Hoover Building - Interrogation Room BOOTH: You've got two assault charges here - one where you threaten someone with a screwdriver. RUSSELL: That was self defense. The charges were dropped. BRENNAN: The petty theft charge wasn't dropped. RUSSELL: I stole a sandwich, I was hungry. I spent five days locked up. I'm sure they can think of better ways to spend the tax payers' money. BOOTH: Why don't you tell about you and your friend Robert? RUSSELL: Look, when Robert Came to the park he was broke. I showed him the ropes, told him what kind of moves would bring in the biggest crowds. BRENNAN: Then in a couple weeks he was making more money than you. BOOTH: That must have pissed you off. RUSSELL: I mean, I...I was jealous, okay. But Robert and me, we were friends. BRENNAN: Your screwdriver is a good match for the murder weapon. BOOTH: If you're such great friends, why didn't you report him missing? RUSSELL: I work the streets. People come and go. That's the way it is. BOOTH: Yeah, people on the streets they also don't like it when someone takes money they think is theirs. RUSSELL: Okay, I get where this is going. So, you've already decided that I'm guilty. I want a lawyer. [SCENE 5] [Act 5] ( Cut: EXT: Kalorama Park dumpster) ARASTOO: These wrappers are from the vendor who sells chicken. They're clean. HODGINS: So far none of the food stalls show evidence of fungus. ARASTOO: Well, I thought if you use a screwdriver to open up cans, maybe food got on it, too. HODGINS: Well, look at the bright side, now we can eat this Pad Thai. ARASTOO: It does look delicious. HODGINS: Hey, there's definitely some kind of eukaryotic organism growing on this. These trash bags, they all come from the restroom, huh? ARASTOO: This is not how I imagined spending my day. HODGINS: Do me a favor; separate all the bags from the restroom from the others. ARASTOO: Working on two degrees and this is where I end up. Tuition money well spent. HODGINS: Hey, hey, hey - Blastomyces Dermatitidis. All right. Park janitor collected what we needed. ARASTOO: Look what else he has. (Vaziri spots Derrick with a trash picker.) HODGINS: I think we just found the murder weapon. [SCENE 1] [Act 6] ( Cut: INT: Jeffersonian - Bone Room) BRENNAN: It's possible that this was the murder weapon. CAM: Okay. BRENNAN: Would you be happier if I said it was probable that it was the murder weapon instead of possible? CAM: Sometimes decreasing the probability makes it tougher to identify the murderer. BRENNAN: You mean we know what, when and how but we have no evidence tying this weapon to a specific who. CAM: Really, it could be anybody. But, it's good that we found the weapon. BRENNAN: Wait. It seems the murderer chased the victim through the park. Both would want to know why. CAM: Shakespeare said the victim was a pickpocket. Maybe one of his angry marks caught him at it. BRENNAN: Okay, so the angry mark grabs the trash picker and catches up to the victim at the construction site. CAM: Stabs him in the back, tosses him into the foundation. BRENNAN: The slits the plastic and shoves his body beneath it. CAM: I know what you're thinking. We already looked for the fingerprints on the plastic where it was cut. It's all degraded and smeared from the blood. The forensic team found nothing useful. BRENNAN: No, no, Cam, along the slit was the wrong place to look. [SCENE 2] [Act 6] (Cut: INT: Jeffersonian - Platform) CAM: What is she doing? BRENNAN: Dr. Hodgins, would you come over here and be a corpse? HODGINS: Yeah. ANGELA: Sweetie, you do mean pretend to be a corpse, right? Because the way you're holding that knife, you're looking a little slasher-y. BRENNAN: No, this knife is not for Dr. Hodgins. Now the curve in the slit suggests that the murderer held the knife in his right hand. CAM: And the slash extended one point five meters, performed in one smooth movement. HODGINS: Careful where you're going with that razor sharp blade there. BRENNAN: (Pushes Hodgins through the slit) there. There. CAM: Uh, there? What there? ANGELA: Right. She supported her weight with her left hand. So she left a full palm print on the plastic. CAM: How do you get a six month old palm print off a piece of plastic that's encased in concrete? HODGINS: (Pops back up through the slit.) I need some gold. [SCENE 3] [Act 6] (Cut: INT: Hannah's Hospital Room) HANNAH: Did you catch the murderer. BOOTH: Well, technically attempted murderer since you survived. HANNAH: I meant the dancer killer, not the journalist shooter. BOOTH: We'll catch him, don't worry. And we'll catch whoever did this to you. HANNAH: Ten bucks says I catch him before you do. BOOTH: I'm not a betting man, but if I was I'd definitely raise the stakes. HANNAH: Obviously whoever shot me is a cop who's afraid of getting caught. BOOTH: I think you should back off. HANNAH: You've gotta be kidding. BOOTH: What? No. At least until you get your health back. Then we can lull him into a false sense of security. Catch him together. HANNAH: Can you please lean in? Closer. A little closer. (unintelligible). Thank you for being my bid, scary protector. [SCENE 4] [Act 6] (Cut: INT: Jeffersonian - Hodgins' Lab) HODGINS: Now the process is called vacuum metal deposition. ANGELA: Well, his looks like a popcorn machine. HODGINS: Now, gold will bind with the lipids from fingerprints at the atomic level. Now this technique involves coating a thin layer of thermalized metallic dust onto the evidence. CAM: It has to be gold? HODGINS: Well, yeah, gold conducts electricity better than any other non-corrosive metal. What did you have to pay for it yourself? CAM: Go. Do. HODGINS: Okay, here goes the gold. Now evaporated zinc will only condense onto metal. Since the gold has bonded with the fingerprints, there's more metal on the print than the rest of the sample. Voila. ANGELA: It worked. CAM: Thank goodness. Oh. ANGELA: That is not the maintenance guy from the park's hand print. HODGINS: How do you know? CAM: It's too small. It's a child. ANGELA: Or a woman. [SCENE 5] [Act 6] ( Cut: INT: FBI Hoover Building - Conference Room) BRENNAN: What if the other one doesn't drink anything? BOOTH: Ah, we turned the air conditioning up in the room to suck all the moisture out of it. So which one do you think it is? BRENNAN: I have no idea. BOOTH: Ah, think of it as a game. All right. Take a guess, just between the two of us. No one's gonna hear you. Go ahead. Guess, guess, guess, guess. BRENNAN: Well, the ballet teacher seems very mean and vindictive. Plus she's deceptively strong. And she's not afraid to be violent. BOOTH: Sorry, wrong. BRENNAN: How do you know? BOOTH: Well, I went through all the police reports of the pickpocket incidents that happened out at Kalorama Park. BRENNAN: What did that tell you? BOOTH: That not one incident out of dozens ever occurs while Beverly Houle or Robert Pearson were performing. BRENNAN: So they were the team that Sweets heard about from the Shakespeare statue. BOOTH: He cheated her. BRENNAN: She chased him with the garbage picker. Stuck him in the back. End of story. BOOTH: Yeah. But when a woman kills a man it's never just about the money. BRENNAN: You're implying there was some kind of sexual tension involved. BOOTH: When that goes south all bets are off. BRENNAN: There's no honor amongst thieves or ex-lovers. BOOTH: (Watches as second suspect takes a drink.) That's it. Show time. (Booth shows the picture of the print to the two suspects) busted. BRENNAN: Her body language doesn't prove anything. BOOTH: Well, we have different definitions of that, for sure. That's why nobody can thwart our criminological brilliance. BRENNAN: Did you read that off a restaurant placemat? BOOTH: Comic book. I'm on a self improvement kick, all right? [SCENE 6] [Act 6] (Cut: EXT: Night Shot - D.C. Cityscape) (Cut: INT: Hannah's Hospital Room - Day) HANNAH: Temperance. Come on in. BRENNAN: How do you feel? HANNAH: I'm alive, thanks to you. Hey, where's my gift? BRENNAN: Excuse me? HANNAH: Listen, I get it. You saved my life. And I'm very grateful. But traditionally when you visit someone in the hospital, you bear gifts. BRENNAN: Well, that custom began as a replacement for religious sacrifice. HANNAH: As a way to get the gods to take mercy on the sick person. BRENNAN: Yes. But I don't believe in that. HANNAH: But you do believe in cultural traditions. BRENNAN: Of course, but... HANNAH: So? Since I'm not above a little supplication every once in a while, maybe you should give me your sunglasses. BRENNAN: Uh, seriously? HANNAH: Sure. BRENNAN: Okay. There you go. HANNAH: Thank you. BRENNAN: Perhaps you should be more careful in what stories you pursue in the future. HANNAH: Why? BRENNAN: Booth would be very unhappy if you died. HANNAH: Would you back down, Temperance, if you thought you were working on something important? BRENNAN: No. No I wouldn't. HANNAH: Well. Aren't we a pair? I guess Seeley's going to have to resign himself to being worried as long as we're both around. BRENNAN: We are. We are quite a pair. They look good on you. (The two continue chatting while the scenes fades to black.) END.
Plan: A: a promising young dancer; Q: Whose skull was found lodged in concrete at a construction site? A: the team; Q: Who must first figure out what happened to the victim's skeletal structure? A: ballet; Q: What dance style did the victim quit to pursue hip hop? A: Brennan; Q: Along with Booth, who is the detective who uncovers evidence that points to a suspect? A: another layer; Q: What evidence points to a suspect who had a secret relationship with the victim? A: her safety; Q: What is jeopardized when Hannah is put on assignment in a dodgy part of town? A: her life; Q: What is put in critical danger when Hannah is put on assignment in a dodgy part of town? Summary: After the skull of a promising young dancer is found lodged in concrete at a construction site, the team must first figure out what happened to the victim's skeletal structure. After learning the victim quit ballet to pursue hip hop, Booth and Brennan uncover another layer of evidence that points them to a suspect who had a secret relationship with the victim. Meanwhile, when Hannah is put on assignment in a dodgy part of town, her safety is jeopardized and her life is put in critical danger.
•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Buffy talking to the dying monk. MONK: We had to hide the key ... made it human and sent it to you. BUFFY: Dawn. DOCTOR: OK, your mom's in recovery. BUFFY: Is she all right? DOCTOR: I think your mother's gonna be fine. Buffy and the others reacting happily. SPIKE: I wanna show you something. RILEY: Harder. Riley being bitten. Buffy walking in, looking shocked. RILEY: Buffy. Buffy yelling at Riley. BUFFY: I've given you everything that I have, my heart, my body and soul! RILEY: I just don't feel it. They want me back, Buffy. The military. Buffy reacting. RILEY: I'm leaving tonight. Buffy walking out on Riley. Riley in the helicopter flying away. Buffy on the ground below, yelling up at him. BUFFY: Riley! Cut to Xander lying in bed staring at the ceiling. XANDER: You ever have that feeling where there's something you know you're supposed to do and you forgot what it was? We see Anya lying next to him. She thinks about it. ANYA: Nope. XANDER: I've been having that feeling, I just realized what it was. (looks at Anya) Like three weeks ago Riley asked me to borrow a crescent wrench. (shakes his head) I keep having this feeling like I'm supposed to give it to him. ANYA: Well, that's not going to happen unless he comes back. You know, not to get the crescent wrench. Just to come back. XANDER: I just mean, sometimes I sort of forget that he's gone. It's like, "where's Riley? Oh wait, the central republic of Where-in-the-hell." ANYA: (softly) Xander? He looks at her. We see they're holding hands. ANYA: If you ever decide to go, I want a warning. You know, big flashing red lights, and-and-and one of those clocks that counts down like a bomb in a movie? And there's a whole bunch of, of colored wires, and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one, and then at the last second "No! The red one!" and then click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left, but then you don't leave. (pause) Like that, okay? XANDER: Check. Big bomb clock. (She smiles) Come here. He puts his arm around her and she moves to put her head on his chest. ANYA: Maybe it's her. XANDER: Huh? ANYA: Well, maybe it won't happen to us because it's all about *her* messing things up. She couldn't make it work with Angel, and then she let Riley go away. XANDER: Yeah, relationship debris is kind of piling up on the Buffy highway. ANYA: Hmm. Humans make the same mistakes over and over. I saw it when I was a vengeance demon. Some guy dumps a girl, she calls me, I exact vengeance, blah blah blah, the next year, same girl, different guy. I mean, after you smite a few of 'em you start going "my goodness, young lady ... maybe you're doing something wrong here too." XANDER: I don't think it's a pattern with her. No, it's just ... you know, now that it happened again ... man number two ... I wonder how she's dealing with it. Cut to: a courtyard filled with nuns. The camera follows one of them whom we only see from the back. She has a blonde curl of hair sticking out from under her habit. Suddenly a vampire appears behind her, backing away from something. He bumps into the nun, turns around and grabs her, holds her in front of him. The nun screams. The vampire pushes her aside as Buffy runs up and kicks him in the face. He falls backward, flips upright again. Buffy kicks him again. They continue fighting as the nun watches in amazement. Buffy hits the vampire, he kicks Buffy twice, then she hits him a few times, kicks him a few times, and thrusts with her stake, but he grabs her arm and pushes her away. Buffy ducks as he leaps at her, then she straightens up and stakes him. Buffy tosses the stake aside and goes to the nun, who is still on the ground. NUN: What, what, what was that, he looked like a, a demon! BUFFY: Yeah, he did. Are you okay? NUN: Yeah, I think so. BUFFY: Here. Buffy helps the nun get up. BUFFY: So, um, a-about being a nun... (They begin to walk along together) you know, um, with the whole ... abjuring the company of men ... you know, how's that working for you? The... abjuring. NUN: (confused) Um ... good. BUFFY: Yeah, do you, do you have to be like super-religious? NUN: Well, uh... BUFFY: How's the food? Wolf howl. Opening credits. Marc Blucas (Riley) is no longer shown as part of the regular cast. Guest starring Abraham Benrubi, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by Jane Espenson, directed by Christopher Hibler. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on Buffy and Giles in the exercise room. Giles has padded mitts on his hands and Buffy is training, hitting Giles in sequence. GILES: All right. Switch. Left lead. Buffy continues hitting. BUFFY: So you really think they might be able to help us? GILES: Uh, if you mean are they gonna help us find out something about Glory ... I saw that coming. You're dropping your shoulder. (Buffy looks surprised, continues hitting) Uh, the resources that the ... Watchers Council has at their disposal, (wistfully) I mean the Central Library alone is just... Buffy stops hitting. BUFFY: (sternly) Don't talk about the books again. You get all ... and sometimes there's drool. She resumes hitting. GILES: I'm sorry, but we, we've really exhausted the materials I have here, and we're coming up empty. (More hitting) You're, you're still dropping your shoulder. I can see when you're gonna go with your right. (More hitting) You're doing it again! Buffy hits him sharply in the upper arm and he stumbles aside. GILES: Ow! BUFFY: Sorry! Sorry. So, Glory's all you're gonna talk to them about, right? GILES: (nods, rubs his shoulder) Let's, let's take a break. (Turns away) BUFFY: Answer me. GILES: (moving away, gestures with the mitts still on his hands) I, I'm not gonna mention Dawn's name. I wouldn't do that, I promise. BUFFY: But you're gonna tell them about the key? That Glory's looking for something called the key? GILES: (removes mitts) Well, knowing her goal is, is crucial. I mean, i-i-if anything helps them uncover her origins, her, her plans... BUFFY: I know. It's just I trust these Watchers about as far as ... you could throw them. GILES: (pouring himself a glass of water) Thank you very much. BUFFY: (sighs) I'm just freaked about the idea of giving them any information that could possibly lead them to Dawn. (She comes over and sits on a bench. Giles sits next to her) GILES: Truly, Buffy, if I saw an alternative ... if, if the Initiative were still around, I'd consider using them, but... they're gone, and then Riley was, was, uh, the last link we had to the government. Giles wipes his face with a towel. Buffy looks down sadly. GILES: Sorry, I didn't mean to... BUFFY: It's okay. You can say his name. (pensively) I'm doing all right. These things happen. People break up and they move on ... for a while it feels like the end of the world, you know, but ... big picture... GILES: Not so huge. Buffy looks at him in disbelief. BUFFY: Not so huge? I just said it feels like the end of the world, don't you listen? Giles looks dismayed. Buffy leans in closer toward him. BUFFY: (whispers) I'm teasing. GILES: (relieved smile) Oh. BUFFY: Sort of. I'll be okay. GILES: Well, I do hate to go if you're feeling badly. BUFFY: look, if it help you find out something about Glory, (pats him on the back) I'm thrilled to have you gone. She hops off the bench and walks away. Cut to: magic shop, day. Anya, Xander, Willow, Tara, and Buffy sit around the round table looking at books and papers. Xander has Willow on his right and Anya on his left. Giles stands next to the table fastening his tie. ANYA: You're going away for a *week*? That's great! GILES: Yes, yes, everybody seems delighted about it. (picks something up to read) ANYA: Well, I get to run the store, right? Giles looks alarmed. GILES: You? Ah, w-well, it's quite a lot for one person to take care of. Well, I-I mean, the trash men, for example, I mean, they, they, they've been making such a mess in the back alley, the recycling people can't get in there to collect. Well, somebody has to talk to them. ANYA: I can take care of that. TARA: I'm envious, Mr. Giles. A trip to England sounds so exciting and exotic. (realizes) Un...less you're English. (Giles grins) BUFFY: Look, don't worry about the shop. We'll take care of it. We can open and close, and, and we'll deal with everyone. Anya frowns. WILLOW: We can come by between classes! Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens ... but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane. TARA: I said "quirky." ANYA: (annoyed) Hello, I work here! I'll take care of everything. XANDER: (not looking up from his reading) Yeah, Anya can do it! ANYA: Thanks, sweetie. (pats him on shoulder) Well said. GILES: Um, Anya, while, while I completely trust you uh, uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um ... dealing with people requires a certain, uh ... finesse. ANYA: (angry) I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and, and bribe him with money and goods. XANDER: See there? She'll be great. WILLOW: Don't worry, Giles. I'll help her take care of everything. It'll be ship-shape. Better, it'll be shop-shape. (smiles) ANYA: Xander, she's talking to Giles like I'm not here. Make her stop. GILES: Perhaps I'd better call the airline... WILLOW: I'm just trying to help out! Xander, tell her. (smacks Xander in the arm) GILES: ...schedule an earlier flight back, excuse me. ANYA: Tell her that I don't need her help. Xander sits between Anya and Willow looking uncomfortable. XANDER: (to Buffy) So, how goes the slaying? BUFFY: I killed something in a convent last night. XANDER: In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. (Anya and Willow both look at him) Tell us all about the killing, Buff. BUFFY: Pretty standard. Vampire staking. Ooh! But I met a nun, and she let me try on her wimple. XANDER: Okay, now we're back to frightening. Cut to: exterior of the Summers house, night. Cut to: Joyce's bedroom. A light-blue bathrobe lies on the bed. Buffy enters, sees it, frowns, looks up. BUFFY: You! We see Joyce wearing a striped sweater and dark pants. She has a scarf over part of her head. BUFFY: You with the actual clothing, who are you? (turns toward Dawn's bedroom door) Dawn, come look at this. JOYCE: It's hard to recognize me, huh? Dawn enters. DAWN: Whoa. BUFFY: No more bathrobe. JOYCE: Hmm. I looked at it today, and there it was, all fuzzy and blue, (shot of the bathrobe) and I just couldn't stand it any more. BUFFY: I don't think the rest of us will miss it much either. DAWN: It was getting a little ripe, Mom. BUFFY: (to Dawn) Maybe we should burn it. DAWN: It would keep the bugs away. JOYCE: It doesn't smell! Fine, fine, make your funny jokes at the expense of the woman with the hole in her skull. (Sits on the bed) BUFFY: (to Dawn) Let's go. I think we've tired her out. Buffy goes into her room. Dawn follows. Joyce watches them with a smile, then leans back and sighs. Buffy walks into her room, sits on the bed and begins flipping through a magazine. Dawn stands in the doorway watching. DAWN: Whatcha doin'? BUFFY: Playing soccer. DAWN: Can I hang out in here? BUFFY: Don't touch anything. Dawn comes into the room, looks at a corkboard where several photos are hanging. DAWN: You took down his pictures. BUFFY: Yeah. DAWN: I ... I think I would've done that sooner. Like, boom! "Don't wanna see that face again." BUFFY: It wasn't like that. I was never angry with him. (sighs) Okay, that's a lie. But it's not like I don't want to see his face. DAWN: I was just starting to kinda like the guy, and then ... gone. So fast. BUFFY: It wasn't really so fast. Him leaving. According to everyone who isn't me, it was kind of gradual. DAWN: Oh. Does that make it any better? Dawn sits on the end of the bed. BUFFY: No. DAWN: Because you should have noticed earlier? BUFFY: Stop being insightful. It's creepy. (Dawn continues looking at her. Buffy speaks more softly.) It hurts. In all kinds of horrible ways. In the way where I'm furious at him ... in the way where I blame myself ... and all the little ways I imagine ... how I could have fixed things. DAWN: It'll get better. (Frowns) Won't it? BUFFY: I hope so. Yes. It has to. (Dawn lies down, puts her head in Buffy's lap. Buffy strokes her hair) I'll just keep going like I have been, and every day it'll get a little bit better. DAWN: Really? Every day? BUFFY: Not really. But it'll be better soon. DAWN: It still feels all sudden to me. With him gone where no one can talk to him. BUFFY: But you never know. Maybe he'll come back. Maybe he'll hate the jungle ... or maybe he'll want to give it another try. I could ... say all the things I didn't get to say. Cut to: Spike holding a box of chocolates. He talks to someone we can't see. SPIKE: (softly) Um ... there's something I got to tell you. About showing you Riley in that place. (deep breath) I didn't mean to ... (long pause) Anyway, I know you're feeling all betrayed - by him, not me. (The camera pans around and we see he is talking to a mannequin, which has no legs but wears a blue blouse and a blonde wig. It's set up on a block of stone so that it is about Buffy's height.) I was trying to help, you know. Not like I made him be there, after all. Actually trying to help you. Best intentions. He gets a little agitated, paces a few steps away. SPIKE: I mean, you know, pretty state you'd be in, thinking things are all right (moves back toward the mannequin) while he's toddling halfway round the bend. (Stares at the mannequin, gets madder) Oh, I'll insult him if I want to! I'm the one who's on your side! Me! Doing you a favor! (very angry) And you, being dead petty about it - me, getting nothing but your hatred and your venom and - you ungrateful bitch! He loses control of himself, smashes the box of chocolates over the mannequin's head. SPIKE: Bitch! He hits the mannequin with the chocolates again and it falls over. The box of chocolate goes flying. Spike sighs. He picks up the mannequin and replaces it. He carefully rearranges the wig, sighs again, picks up the box of chocolate, tries to stuff the chocolates back in. He composes himself and faces the mannequin again. SPIKE: (quietly) Buffy ... there's something I wanted to tell you. Cut to: magic shop. Anya is working at the cash register. Willow stands behind her with her back to the camera, holding a book. Tara is standing by the shelves behind the register, where there are jars of magical supplies. WILLOW: Good, and, and hellebore. It's up and to the right. Tara takes down a vial and gives it to Willow. TARA: Hellebore, one of my favorites. WILLOW: It's powerful stuff. (She and Tara walk out from behind the counter) I tried to use it to de-rat Amy, and it didn't work. But I think it might have made her really smart. (They approach the table, where a variety of magical supplies are laid out. Willow puts the vial into a rack with some others.) She keeps giving me these looks like she's planning something. Rubbing her paws together. Anya comes out from behind the counter and walks over to them. ANYA: (annoyed) Hey. What are you two doing? WILLOW: Oh, we're gonna try out a few spells. TARA: There's this thing you can do where you create light, and we thought, what if you could make, like, simulated sunlight? WILLOW: Yeah, so then, you know, there Buffy is, middle of the night, and she finds this whole nest of vamps, a-and then she just goes, "Presto!" TARA: Only it won't be "presto" exactly. WILLOW: And, and voom! There's a, a floating ball of sunlight. Vamps get dusty. TARA: You don't wanna look right at it, though. ANYA: That's swell, but you can't use this stuff. Giles has only been gone two days and you're already causing trouble. You shouldn't do things while he's gone. WILLOW: (smiling) You're the fish! ANYA: What? Tara grins. WILLOW: The, the fish in the bowl, in The Cat in the Hat. He was always saying that the cat shouldn't be there while the mother was out. ANYA: What are you talking about? TARA: It's a book. This cat does all this mischief. WILLOW: It's so cute. He balances a bunch of stuff, including that fish in the bowl! A-and, but don't try it for real when you're six, because then you're not allowed to have fish for five years. ANYA: (upset) You're referencing literature I have no way to be familiar with. You're trying to make me feel left out, and you're stealing! WILLOW: I'm not stealing. I-I'm just taking things without paying for th... (pauses) In what twisted dictionary is that stealing? TARA: Willow, maybe we should just pay. WILLOW: Anya, Giles would be totally fine with this. Come on, it'll be fun. (Gets an idea) We could show you how to do some stuff! You could be floatin' pencils by the end of the day. ANYA: Sometimes I miss having powers. (Willow grins. Anya realizes something) Oh. Oh! I know what this is! (shaking her finger at them) This is peer pressure! Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and, and have drugs. WILLOW: Look how easy. They all look at the table. A small stick of dried sage and a vial rise off the table and float in the air. ANYA: Hey! Don't float the merchandise! (grabs the items and puts them back on the table) Willow turns. A few items on the counter rise into the air. ANYA: Stop that! Xander appears, walking past the floating stuff without noticing. XANDER: Hey, look at this, my two favorite girls! (to Tara) Three favorite girls. ANYA: Xander, Willow's stealing. She's a burglar. WILLOW: Right, the cunning, broad daylight in front of everyone burglar. Xander, I'm just doing a spell to help Buffy. Xander nods. ANYA: Xander, Giles left me in charge. Tell her. XANDER: Hey, hey, Judge Xander requesting a recess here. TARA: You really shouldn't pull him into this. XANDER: Yeah, see? Tara's with me. (moves to stand behind Tara) Protect me, Tara. WILLOW: (walks back behind the counter, holding a mortar and pestle) Xander, what I'm doing, it's a good thing. And if it doesn't work, Giles never even needs to know about it. She puts the mortar and pestle on the counter, takes a pinch of something out of the bowl, and sprinkles it on the cash register. The register disappears in a puff of pink smoke. WILLOW: Oops. Anya rushes over. The others come over as well. ANYA: The cash register! What did you do with the cash register? Dear god! WILLOW: I'll fix it, I'll fix it! Recursat. (latin translation: revert/return) Another pink puff, and the register reappears, now with the receipt paper hanging out of it in long curls. Smoke rises out of it. WILLOW: There, all back. Good as new. ANYA: Money. Did you hurt the money? (Opens the cash register and coughs as more smoke (not pink) comes out) Money good? (takes out some money and shakes it at Xander) She endangered the money! (Xander shrugs) WILLOW: Of course, that's what she cares about. (imitates Anya) "I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services." ANYA: (horrified) Xander, she's pretending to be me! WILLOW: Well, can you even believe how she's acting? XANDER: Okay, you know what? I'm tired of being the one in the middle. I'm not gonna let you pull me into this. WILLOW: I'm not. XANDER: Whatever the issue is between you two, just figure it out without me. He begins to walk out. ANYA: Xander, don't go! Xander slams the door behind him. WILLOW: (softly) You made him mad. ANYA: (angrily) Me?! WILLOW: Tara, who do you think he was more mad at? TARA: Um, you know? I think, uh, maybe, maybe you guys have some stuff you need to work out, you know, just really ... talk. She leaves. Anya and Willow look at each other. Cut to: exterior of magic shop, day. Cut to inside. Anya sits on a stool near the shelves, holding a pencil and notepad. Willow is at the counter, where she has a large cauldron and a bunch of vials and containers laid out. WILLOW: Fleabane... (measures some stuff into her mortar) ANYA: Fifteen cents. (writes) WILLOW: Salamander eyes... (puts them into the mortar) ANYA: Ten bucks for twelve. Bargain. (writes) WILLOW: Bindweed. (puts it in) ANYA: Ugh, ooh, that's a pricey one. (writes) WILLOW: Would you stop that? It's very distracting. ANYA: Fine. Make your little ball of sunshine. I'll be quiet. WILLOW: Good, because this spell is very sensitive. Once I begin, any non-ritual word can disrupt it. (mashes the ingredients together with the pestle) ANYA: Fine. WILLOW: Okay, here we go. She pours the mixture into the cauldron. Then she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. ANYA: Did you start yet? WILLOW: (exhales loudly, turns to give Anya an annoyed look) Shh, no! This is it. Again she closes her eyes and inhales. WILLOW: Spirits of light, I invoke thee. Let the gloom of darkness part before you. A small circlet of yellow-orange light arises out of the cauldron and begins to spin. WILLOW: Let the moonlight be made pale by your presence. Spirits- ANYA: Is it done? WILLOW: Shh! The circle of light flashes brighter and grows a bit larger. WILLOW: Spirits of light, grant my wishes. ANYA: Sorry, I thought you were done. WILLOW: (angry) Do you *wanna* screw this up? Willow turns away to yell at Anya. The circle of light grows bigger and brighter, and its spinning becomes less smooth. It continues to grow and twist crazily. ANYA: No. No. I'm sure you can do that all on your own. WILLOW: Hey Anya, whatever really has you mad, why don't you just say it, like you do every other thought that stomps through your brain? ANYA: (stands up) I believe I have said it. WILLOW: No. You haven't. Come on. Let it out! The circle of light suddenly drops down through the glass of the countertop and touches a large crystal that is in the display case underneath. It gives off a big flash of light and a large demon (Olaf) suddenly appears next to the counter. Willow and Anya shriek and grab each other. Olaf stumbles a bit, gets his balance and looks around. He is about seven feet tall, with long hair and green scaly skin and a big beard covering most of his face, and two curved horns on his head. He holds a large hammer. Anya and Willow stare in shock. Olaf looks at himself, looks around. He turns and sees the two girls, and roars loudly. They shriek again and clutch each other. Olaf turns and uses his hammer to smash a display case full of merchandise, then another, growling all the time. Then he smashes a statue on a pedestal. He goes to the door and stumbles outside, still roaring. Willow and Anya come forward. WILLOW: He's not a ball of sunshine. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Fade in on Buffy and Tara in a classroom, surrounded by other students. Tara holds some books. A professor hands Buffy a piece of paper. BUFFY: (sighs) New semester, new classes. (She and Tara begin to walk out into the hallway) Whole new vistas of knowledge to be confused and intimidated by. TARA: (laughs) I think this one's gonna be kind of fun. Greek Art's gonna touch on so many things -- mythology, history, philosophy... BUFFY: (whispering) The professor spit too much when he talked. It was like being at Sea World. "The first five rows will get wet." TARA: (laughs) That was just, you know, um, enthusiasm. BUFFY: It seemed very much like saliva. TARA: We'll sit farther back next time. BUFFY: Good plan. (stops walking, folds the paper and puts it in her bag) I need to keep this course. The only other thing that fits into my schedule is Central American Geopolitics. Tara: (grimaces) Hmm. BUFFY: And no, thank you. (resumes walking) I even hear the word jungle, all I can think of is him. (Tara looks sympathetic) You know, "is that the one Riley's in?" Really don't need a daily 2:00 knife in the heart. TARA: Is it that bad? BUFFY: (stops walking) Sort of. But I'm starting to get perspective on the whole situation. You know, maybe Riley's ... where he's supposed to be. You know, maybe he needed ... to be where he was needed. TARA: Willow says that things always happen for a reason. BUFFY: But you ever notice people only say that about bad things? (Tara laughs) But not for me the furrowed brow. (resumes walking) What do you say we go pick up Willow and indulge ourselves in a little after-school hamburger? TARA: I guess we could. She might still be at the magic shop. I was there earlier, and she and Anya kinda got in this little squabble ... Xander and I sort of cleared out, he was pretty upset. BUFFY: (stops walking, looks very concerned) Anya and, and Xander are in trouble? TARA: Oh! No, I-I said that all wrong. It was nothing. Willow and Anya were sort of fighting, and then Xander kind of snapped at both of them and he left. BUFFY: (alarmed) He left? Xander left Anya? TARA: (frowning) Ummm ... no, not "left her" left her, he just left. It was only a little thing, it- BUFFY: Little thing? (tearfully) See, the thing is, the ... little things get bigger, you know, and, and, and, and, if you don't catch the little thing and then, boom! You have this, this, this whole huge thing! TARA: Oh dear. BUFFY: (sniffling) Not, not, not them with the little things! They can't break up! TARA: Oh, I think- BUFFY: They have a beautiful love. TARA: I think they'll be fine. Buffy bursts into tears and puts her face against Tara's shoulder, hugging her. Tara looks alarmed, pats Buffy on the back. BUFFY: (muffled) They have a miraculous love! TARA: What? BUFFY: (sobbing) A miraculous love! Cut to: Giles's convertible zooming down the streets of Sunnydale. We see another car by the side of the road with its side all smashed in. ANYA: There, that parked car! We're still on his trail. We see that Anya is driving while Willow sits in the passenger seat holding a bunch of papers. The car screeches around a corner. WILLOW: I don't even get how we made that guy, because, wow, advanced! (She continues looking through the papers) ANYA: No one made him. He must have been trapped in that crystal, and you released him. WILLOW: *I* released him? No, this was definitely a "we" thing. Or, or a "you" thing! I-it definite feels like a you thing. ANYA: Look, just find the reversal spell. And hurry! Look what he did to that lamppost! We see a lamppost lying on the ground, broken in two. WILLOW: I'm trying. Put the top up, the pages are all blowy! ANYA: Well, I don't know how to put the top up, I only just figured out what the left pedal does. (turns to smile at Willow) It makes us stop! Anya slams on the brake and they slow down with a screech. Willow grabs the side of the car for balance. Anya resumes driving. WILLOW: You don't know how to drive? Why didn't you say you don't know how to drive? ANYA: Well, I couldn't know if I could until I tried, could I? They exchange an angry look. WILLOW: This is very, very bad. There, there's an ogre on the loose- ANYA: Troll. WILLOW: What? ANYA: Troll on the loose. Now hold on, I'm gonna press the right pedal harder. (smiling) I expect us to accelerate. She presses on the gas pedal and they both lean back in their seats as the car speeds up. Willow looks very angry. WILLOW: (yelling over the engine noise) There's a troll on the loose, and you're gonna crash Giles' car! ANYA: (agreeing) It's likely. We're going very fast. You should have listened to me and not done the spell. Giles put me in charge. WILLOW: Giles can be an idiot. The smart kind, but still. ANYA: Xander agreed. WILLOW: Oh, right. Xander doesn't step out of line. ANYA: (turns to look at her) Well, what do you mean by that? WILLOW: Nothing. Willow looks ahead, points at something. Anya looks, twists the wheel quickly. The car screeches around another corner, narrowly misses hitting another parked car, which has its roof bashed in. Some of the papers fly out of Willow's hands and are gone with the wind behind the car. Willow watches them go. ANYA: Find that spell quickly! WILLOW: Whoa, that's gone. Cut to: interior of the Bronze. Xander takes a bowl of peanuts from the counter and turns away. As he walks away he bumps into Spike, who is drinking a mug of beer. SPIKE: Hey, watch it. (looks at Xander) Oh, it's you. XANDER: Spike, don't let me stop you from not being here. SPIKE: I was here first, you know. XANDER: Uh-huh. Go away. Xander walks off. Spike grins and follows him. SPIKE: Now why would I do that, when it's bugging you so much having me here? Xander sits at a round table and begins shelling the peanuts. Spike watches. SPIKE: They have chicken wings too. Also a sort of a flower-shaped thing they make from an onion. It's brilliant. XANDER: Are you talking to me hoping that I'll get so depressed that I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you? SPIKE: Lovely thought. If I don't hurt you myself, the chip wouldn't zap me. I could eat you that way. Beat the onion thing all to hell. Spike reaches over to take one of Xander's peanuts. Xander slaps his hand away. XANDER: Hey! Those are mine. SPIKE: My, my. Someone's in a temper. (sits down opposite Xander) This all sympathetic misery borrowed from the Slayer? XANDER: What? No, nothing to do with Buffy. SPIKE: So she's all right then. Not, uh ... holding grudges. XANDER: What are you talking about? What does Buffy have to do with anything? What grudges? SPIKE: Oh, yeah. Okay. No need to talk about her then. I'm sure she's merrily slaying some pals of mine, having a grand old time. He eyes Xander warily as he takes another sip of his beer. BUFFY VOICEOVER: This is very bad. Cut to: interior of magic shop. Buffy steps around the broken debris lying on the floor. BUFFY: (calling) Willow? Anya? Tara comes running from the back room. TARA: They're not back there either, they're gone. (anxious) Buffy, something's been here and Willow's gone. BUFFY: Don't worry. We'll get her back, I promise. (Tara nods) Come on, this thing's probably leaving a huge trail. Buffy grabs Tara's hand and they both run out. Cut to: city street, night. Olaf comes round a corner with his hammer. He uses it to hit a large dumpster, which goes spinning across the street toward a bunch of passers-by. The people stare. Olaf laughs loudly. OLAF: Puny receptacle! He growls and hits a mailbox with his hammer. It flies toward the dumpster. The people begin to move away in alarm. OLAF: Rrrah! You do well to flee, townspeople! I will pillage your lands and dwellings! (The people begin to run away) I will burn your crops and make merry sport with your more attractive daughters! Ha ha ha! Mark my words! He pauses and sniffs the air. OLAF: Ooh! Ale! I smell delicious ale! He walks off. Cut to: interior of the Bronze. Spike and Xander are playing pool together. XANDER: And they get in these fights, and they're both looking at me like I'm the referee. Also, sometimes I'll say something about Anya, and Willow'll get this look, this, um, "what the hell do you see in her" look. SPIKE: I know that look. Lot of people never really got Dru, you know. XANDER: Well, she was insane. (Spike looks offended) Then it's like, well, I get all torn. Because, Willow's my best friend and I really value her opinion, but, uh, Anya's my girlfriend, you know? SPIKE: Hmm. What does the Slayer think of all this ... friction in the ranks? (walks around the pool table to study the angles) Can't be good for morale. XANDER: I don't know. SPIKE: (bitterly) She's a little ... preoccupied, maybe. It's understandable what with all the upset, all the blaming of innocent bystanders who got caught up in the mess. XANDER: What? SPIKE: (walks closer to Xander) I mean, did she *want* to be made a fool of? And, what does a person have to do to make it right? (Olaf walks past, bumping Spike's shoulder) Hey, watch it, mate. Spike turns to look up at Olaf. Both he and Xander stare. SPIKE: On second thought, do what you like. Olaf sniffs the air. OLAF: Ale! Yes! He walks over to where a guy is wheeling a dolly with two half-kegs on it. OLAF: Ah, fragrant ale! Olaf picks up a keg with one hand, lifts it to his mouth and begins to drink. XANDER: (still standing behind Spike) So, uh ... think I should run and get Buffy? Olaf finishes off the keg, sighs happily and tosses it aside. He looks around at the patrons staring at him in fear. He spots a waitress. OLAF: Barmaid! Bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat. XANDER: I'm gonna run and get Buffy. (Pats Spike on the shoulder) Or maybe you could fight him. SPIKE: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much. OLAF: (pointing at Spike) You there! (walks up to Spike and Xander) Do you know where there are babies? SPIKE: (to Xander) What do you think, the hospital? XANDER: What? Shut up! (to Olaf) Um ... listen... OLAF: I find myself very hungry. And when I'm hungry I grow short of patience. XANDER: Well, we can take care of the hungry, so how's about you just sit down in one of the ... sturdier chairs, and we can ... have a calm talk and something to eat. OLAF: Can it be babies? XANDER: Well, not so much. OLAF: (disappointed) Oh. XANDER: But maybe ... some roast pigs, and ... stags, and ... much hearty grog. (grins nervously) SPIKE: They've got this onion thing... OLAF: You cannot appease me! Do not try! (turns away) More ale! He grabs the second keg off the dolly. Xander and Spike edge toward the door. Just as they reach it, Anya and Willow enter. Willow carries a book. ANYA: Xander! You shouldn't be here. There's a troll. (She goes over to him and they put their arms around each other) XANDER: Uh, a big guy? Hammer? (Anya nods) I think I noticed him. (points) Anya and Willow look over at where Olaf is draining the second keg. WILLOW: I wish Buffy was here. The door opens again and Buffy runs in, followed by Tara. BUFFY: I'm here. Willow looks surprised. WILLOW: I wish I had a million dollars. (The others look at her) Just checking. BUFFY: (looks at Olaf) What's going on? Where did he come from? Spike steps forward, looking nervous. SPIKE: Hello, Buffy. Buffy looks at him. ANYA: (still holding on to Xander) Willow stole ingredients and released him from a purple crystal. He's a troll. Spike looks annoyed, steps back. BUFFY: (to Willow) You did this? WILLOW: Me? No, we. I mean, us. (points to Anya) Uh, her. It's very complex. ANYA: Well, we can stop him. Willow, do the spell. Willow opens her book to read. WILLOW: Uh, let the conjuring be- Olaf suddenly stops drinking and looks over at them. OLAF: Stop! They all look up at him. He growls. WILLOW: Nobody lets me finish! OLAF: You ... told the witch to do that, Anyanka. (Anya looks alarmed) You seem determined to put an end to all my fun. Just like you always did when we were dating! Buffy, Tara, and Willow stare at Anya. Spike stares at Anya. Xander frowns. ANYA: Uh, um... XANDER: You dated him? BUFFY: You dated a troll? WILLOW: And we're what, surprised by this? ANYA: Well, he wasn't a troll then! You know, he was just a big dumb guy, and ... well, you know, he cheated on me and I made him into a troll, which by the way is... (embarrassed) how I got the ... job as a vengeance demon. Olaf roars angrily and smashes the countertop with his hammer. Patrons scream and run away. OLAF: I did not cheat! Not in my heart. It was only one wench! I, I had had a great deal of mead! Next thing I know, I'm a troll! Ohh ... ohh ... you did this, Anyanka. You will die for this. XANDER: But, but, you seem to enjoy the, the being a troll. OLAF: (shrugs) I adjusted. And then what happened? Witches. (Willow looks offended) Filthy, dirty, disgusting witches. They trapped me. I was imprisoned in that crystal for centuries. Ohh, a curse on all witches! All must die! BUFFY: (to Willow) Willow, again. WILLOW: Uh, uh, (looks at book) Let the conjuring be undone. Return the beast to native form. OLAF: comes toward them) Witch, you must stop! WILLOW: (quickly) Keep it far from us and ours as long as my voice shall sound. Olaf pauses, looks down at himself. Nothing happens. He begins to laugh. Willow flips pages frantically. OLAF: (laughs) It did not work! WILLOW: Okay, wait! Uh, "Let the conjuring-" Olaf lunges forward but Buffy kicks him in the chest. As she drives him back, kicking and punching, Spike follows right behind her. Buffy ducks a punch and Spike prepares to punch Olaf himself, but gets caught by a swinging arm and goes flying aside. Buffy seizes Olaf and shoves him down on a pool table. They both grapple for his hammer. Olaf shoves Buffy and she goes flying backward into Spike, who had just gotten up. They both fall down again. Olaf gets up from the pool table and begins smashing the pillars that hold up the mezzanine level of the Bronze. People scream and run. Buffy is on the floor on top of Spike. She tries to get up and Spike acts like he's helping her, but actually he's hindering by clutching her around the waist. Finally she gets to her feet and rushes off. Spike watches her go with a smirk. Olaf continues smashing pillars as people run around screaming. Xander and Anya cower in a corner. Olaf smashes another pillar and the entire upper level of the Bronze comes crashing down, bringing people and tables with it. Buffy covers her head with her hands as the debris falls on her. Some of the people manage to cling to the railings, dangling in the air, but then they lose their grips and fall to the floor below. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Fade back in on the Bronze. A large piece of wood is pinning Buffy down and she lifts it off her as Tara helps. Spike runs up and holds the thing out of the way so Buffy can get up. She rushes over to Willow, Xander, and Anya standing nearby. BUFFY: Where is he? WILLOW: Gone. BUFFY: Xander, follow him. (Xander nods) Anya, Willow, head back to the magic shop, find a spell that will actually stop him. The others leave. Buffy goes over to Tara who is trying to move some debris off a pair of injured people. Buffy helps clear the stuff away and they check on the victims. We see Spike crouching next to another injured woman. She has blood on her face. Spike puts something under her head for support. Buffy sees him and approaches. BUFFY: What are you doing? SPIKE: Making this woman more comfortable. (looks up at Buffy) I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. (looks around) Just look at all these lovely blood-covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. Know you wouldn't like it. BUFFY: (amazed) You want credit for not feeding on bleeding disaster victims? SPIKE: Well, yeah. BUFFY: You're disgusting. (Walks away) Spike looks after her in disbelief. SPIKE: (to himself) What's it take? (sighs, continues helping the injured woman) Cut to: interior of the magic shop. Willow is looking at bookshelves. WILLOW: Hurry up! I'm taking everything on relocation spells, suspension spells, and, what the heck, spells to make him really sleepy, 'cause, slightly better. She takes some books and puts them on the table. Anya approaches from the counter, her arms full of supplies. ANYA: In case we need 'em, I'm getting more of all the things you stole. WILLOW: I didn't - why do you do that? ANYA: What? (Goes back to the counter for more stuff) WILLOW: You're so rude! I mean, sure, at first, ex-demon, doesn't know the rules. Well, you been here forever. Learn the rules. ANYA: (putting more stuff on table) Rules are stupid. WILLOW: Great, whatever. (they both sit down and open books) I just thought you might be interested in learning to act more human. Some of us enjoy it. Oh, look for, uh, spells with dimensional portals too. ANYA: I *am* a human. And there are ... many humans who are stranger than me. WILLOW: Uh-huh, but, unless I'm really wrong about crazy Larry down at the bus stop, he's probably not gonna turn Xander into a troll. ANYA: Well, now, that's a very complicated proced... (pauses) Oh. You think I'm gonna hurt Xander? I would *never* hurt Xander! (Willow looks skeptical) You really think I would do that! WILLOW: Anya, it's what you do. You spent what, a thousand years hurting men? You got your "thousand years of hurting men" gold watch. ANYA: I was a demon then, and, and I don't even have any powers now! Is this the spell? (holds a book up) WILLOW: (looks) Only if you want him to double in size, and grow extra arms, which ... let's not. A-and by the way, you weren't a demon when you turned Olaf into Lord of the Hammers. You managed that. (Anya continues looking at the book) Also, there's ... other ways to hurt Xander. ANYA: I don't do magic now. You're the one with that kind of power. In fact, D'Hoffryn offered you my old job. You're closer to being a vengeance demon than I am, maybe Xander should be afraid of you. WILLOW: Xander's my best friend! ANYA: Oh, and you don't want anyone else to have him. I know what broke up him and Cordelia, you know. It was you! And your lips! WILLOW: No it was not! Well, yes it was so, but ... that was a long time ago. Do you think I'd do that again? ANYA: Why not? WILLOW: Well, hello, gay now. ANYA: But you're always doing everything you can to, to point out how much I'm an outsider. You've known him since you were squalling infants together. You'll always know him better than I do. You could sweep in and, and poison his mind against me. WILLOW: You're insane! I am not gonna take him away and I am not gonna hurt him. ANYA: Well, I'm not either! Suddenly the door crashes inward as Olaf smashes it with his hammer. Willow and Anya jump up as he storms in, walking over the debris covering the floor. OLAF: Aha! He walks up to them. Anya thrusts Willow behind her and they clutch each other. OLAF: I knew it. You two, performing more spells. I could be out pillaging, devouring babies, making merry with the local virgins, but instead, I had to come all the way back here to kill you. WILLOW: Run! They try to run away but Olaf grabs them with one arm around each of their waists. They scream. He throws them both over the counter and they crash into the merchandise shelves behind the counter. Olaf lifts his hammer and chuckles. Xander runs in. XANDER: No, get away from them! OLAF: (turns to laugh at Xander) I will get away from them, after I kill them. XANDER: You are not touching these women. Xander runs at Olaf, who simply holds out his hammer. Xander runs into it and falls down, wincing. Olaf picks him up by the front of his shirt. Xander hits Olaf across the face. Olaf hits Xander in the face with the hammer and Xander flies across the room, smashes into a wall. He gets up. Olaf watches him. OLAF: Ah, you wish for more? Admirable! Xander runs forward and punches Olaf. He lifts his arm to punch again but Olaf grabs his arm with one hand, uses the other hand to hit Xander in the head with his hammer. Xander goes down. Olaf reaches down and grabs the back of Xander's jacket and slides Xander across the floor. He crashes into another display case, gets to his feet again as Olaf laughs. Xander stumbles over to the stairs and climbs halfway up. He launches himself off the stairs at Olaf, who catches him in midair and slams him to the floor. Xander has blood on his forehead and mouth. Olaf laughs again. OLAF: You fight well, although you are a tiny man. (lifts Xander to his feet) I shall reward you. Only one of your women shall die, (shot of Anya and Willow still lying on the floor) and you shall be the one to choose. Zoom in on Xander looking surprised. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Fade back in on the magic shop. Willow and Anya sit up. WILLOW: Did he just say- OLAF: Ha ha. Choose! (gestures at them with one arm, the other arm around Xander's shoulders) Anyanka or the witch. One of your women must die. The girls get to their feet as Xander shakes his head. XANDER: No. You are one crazy troll, I ... I'm not choosing between my girlfriend and my best friend. That's insane troll logic. ANYA: Go Xander. I love you. OLAF: (laughs, shakes Xander by the shoulders) Good for you. You are a loyal man. Olaf takes Xander by the wrist and breaks it. We hear the bone snap. The girls scream. Xander doubles over in pain. WILLOW: Xander! OLAF: Now. Choose! ANYA: Olaf, no! XANDER: (still bending over in pain) I'm not choosing. OLAF: Then you shall be the one who dies. (Lifts his hammer with one hand, holds Xander by the hair with the other) ANYA: (rushes forward) No! (Olaf looks at her) Choose me! Just don't take him! Don't take Xander! Willow moves up behind Anya and throws a handful of powder at Olaf. WILLOW: E conspectu abeat monstrum (translation: "let the monster be gone from sight"). (The cash register disappears) Damn. Buffy and Tara run in. ANYA: Buffy! WILLOW: Tara, stay back! Buffy rushes forward. Olaf drops Xander and turns to face her. She hits him in the stomach. ANYA: Buffy, the hammer! The strength's in the hammer! Olaf swings the hammer at Buffy. She ducks, hits him again. He hits her with the hammer and she lands on some debris. Olaf lunges toward her. Willow begins mixing more ingredients. ANYA: How can I help? WILLOW: Uh, distract him from Buffy, (shot of Buffy and Olaf grappling over the hammer again) uh, piss him off. ANYA: I don't know how. WILLOW: Anya, I have faith in you. There is no one you cannot piss off. Anya smiles proudly, rushes out from behind the counter. Shot of Buffy and Olaf exchanging blows. ANYA: Hey Olaf! You're as inadequate a troll as you were a boyfriend! Olaf looks over at her with an angry grunt. Buffy lands another blow. Anya looks back at Willow, who gives her the thumbs-up. Anya looks back at Olaf. ANYA: Uh, y-you're hairy, and unattractive, and even women trolls are put off by your various odors. WILLOW: (muttering) Instrumentum ultionis, telum fabuloso, surge, surge, terram pro voca. (translation: "Instrument of revenge, fabled weapon, arise, arise," ?) Olaf's hammer glows green for a moment. He lifts Buffy by the throat. ANYA: Your menacing stance is merely alarming! Olaf hits Buffy in the upper arm with his hammer and flings her aside to land against a wall. ANYA: And your roar is less than full-throated! OLAF: Desist! (stomps toward Anya) My god, woman, it's been a thousand years, and yet you are as aggravating and emasculating as ever you were. He swings the hammer at Anya. She ducks. WILLOW: Vola cum viribus, dominum tuum nega. Vola! (translation: "I wish with all men, that god will deny you.") Olaf's hammer glows green again and flies out of his hand as he tries to swing it at Anya. It lands on the floor and stops glowing. Olaf stares at his hands. Buffy gets up. Anya goes over to Willow. ANYA: Hey, good job. WILLOW: You too, very irritating. BUFFY: (confronting Olaf) So. Your power's in your hammer? She rushes at him. He backhands her and she flies across the room again, landing next to Xander. ANYA: (calls to Buffy) Oh, yeah! I forgot he still has all that troll strength. Buffy gets up, helps Xander up. OLAF: You shall all die! I will dispense no mercy now! Buffy punches him in the face, then again, then a third time. She grabs his arm and twists it up behind his back. He grunts loudly and throws her off. She lands on the floor again. OLAF: What are you fighting for, minuscule blonde one? Your friends? (gestures to Anya comforting Xander) These two? (chuckles) They will never last. (Buffy's lower lip begins to tremble) Anyanka is very difficult to live with, and he... (we see Willow and Anya both comforting Xander) he's ludicrous and far too breakable. Their love will never last. Buffy looks on the verge of tears. She gives a sad little whimper. Then she jumps to her feet, flips over Olaf's head. He bends over and she flips herself across his back, spins and kicks him in the chest. Shot of Willow, Xander, and Anya watching as Buffy drives Olaf across the room. WILLOW: She's got him now. Anya nods, then turns her attention to Xander's broken wrist. ANYA: Poor baby. They all watch Buffy driving Olaf back in the other direction. XANDER: You really dated him? ANYA: (grimaces) Yes. XANDER: But you like me better, right? ANYA: (smiles) Yes! Oh, and Willow likes you too, but not in a sexy way, you know, 'cause she's gay. (Willow smiles at Xander) And she's not gonna try to break us up, so, you know, it's all okay. They all turn to look at the fighting again. BUFFY: (OS) Their love... (punching noise, Olaf grunts) will last ... (punch, grunt) forever! (punch, sound of Olaf falling to the floor) Shot of Olaf lying unconscious on the floor. Shot of Willow looking down at him. WILLOW: Let the transposition be complete. Olaf dissolves into nothing and disappears. Willow smiles hugely. Shot of Tara watching. BUFFY: (OS) Where did you send him? ANYA: (OS) The land of the trolls. We see them all standing around in the magic shop. ANYA: He'll like it there. Full of trolls. WILLOW: It's hard to be precise, though. Alternate universes don't stay put. Trying to send him to a specific place is sort of like ... like ... trying to hit a ... puppy, by throwing a live bee at it. (They all look at her) Which is a weird image, and you should all just forget it. ANYA: It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday ... or the crazy melty land ... or, you know, the world without shrimp. TARA: There's a world without shrimp? (Willow looks at her) I'm allergic. WILLOW: He, he's probably in troll land. BUFFY: I only care that he's not here, and I got this nifty souvenir. She turns and puts Olaf's hammer on the countertop. After a moment, the glass breaks and the hammer, plus everything else on the counter, falls into the display case below with a loud crashing noise. BUFFY: Oops. XANDER: The place is trashed enough anyway. BUFFY: Well, see how well things worked out? (looks fondly at Anya and Xander) And look at you guys. So good and alive and together. (starts to tear up again) So together, and ... good, and ... alive... (sniffles, turns to grab a tissue) Oh, god... (crying) I'm ... I'm just so happy for you... She bursts into tears and buries her face in the tissue as the others stare. Cut to: Buffy and Giles sitting at the table in the Summers dining room. GILES: I cringe to think what the place would have looked like if I'd been away for longer than three days. BUFFY: Well, maybe we would have had time to clean it up. You know, if Willow used some magicks to help. GILES: Yes, 'cause nothing could possibly go wrong with that. Joyce enters with a tray holding a teapot and several mugs. JOYCE: Rupert, I still don't understand - (Giles gets up and takes the tray) oh, thank you - why the other Watchers made you go all the way to England when they don't know anything. She and Giles sit down on either side of Buffy. GILES: (passing out mugs) Well, they don't know it ... yet. I mean, they have no record of, of Glory or anyone like her, but, uh, based on the information that I've given them, they're gonna look into it. Um, they might have something soon. BUFFY: What about the key? Were they all over it? GILES: (warily) Yes. (to Joyce) You, you know all of this? JOYCE: I got some of it myself, Buffy told me the rest. GILES: (pouring tea) Well, they're interested, certainly, and, uh, full of theories. (Sits back, lifting his cup) Most of them ... nonsensical. The camera pans past Giles into the hallway. We see Dawn coming down the stairs, stopping when she hears voices. BUFFY: (OS) They don't know that it's Dawn. GILES: (OS) No. Cut back to dining room. JOYCE: I still can't begin to grasp this. I mean, she's my little girl, I... Cut back to Dawn on the stairs listening. GILES: (OS) It is disorienting. BUFFY: (OS) Giles, what happens if they figure it out? What would they do? GILES: (OS) I don't know. Dawn frowns. Cut back to dining room. JOYCE: Oh, I can't even think about this. It's too ... I'll get some more milk. Cut back to Dawn looking upset. The camera lingers on her expression. Blackout. Executive Producer: Joss Whedon. [an error occurred while processing this directive]
Plan: A: Emotions; Q: What comes to a boil between Willow and Anya over Xander? A: Anya; Q: Whose ex-boyfriend was Olaf? A: a boil; Q: What do the emotions between Willow and Anya come to over Xander? A: a troll; Q: What do Willow and Anya summon to try to make Xander choose between them? A: vengeance; Q: What did Anya call the troll? A: the women; Q: What does Olaf try to make Xander choose between? A: Buffy; Q: Who sends Olaf packing? Summary: Emotions between Willow and Anya come to a boil over Xander, and they summon a troll ( Olaf ). The troll was Anya's ex-boyfriend whom she called vengeance upon. He tries to make Xander choose between the women, but Buffy sends him packing.
Chief: Hey, Chet. Chet: Oh, hey, Chief. Chief: You know, I've been meaning to ask you, what do you do in your spare time? Chet: Oh, I like to build immersive Halloween mazes for the neighborhood kids. Chief: Oh. 5.08 - Spoiler Alert: Owen Gets a Perm Owen: You know, according to Omni Magazine, it's only a matter of time before they shrink us down to microscopic size and we can perform surgery from the inside. Cat: Owen, wake up and smell the program. Everything's already been invented. Owen: Maybe you're right. Cat: [ Gasps ] Oh, God! Your hair! What the hell? Chief: Oh, God. When did that happen? Owen: Oh, my new perm. It's pretty powerful, right? Cat: No, no, no. You do not get to do that. I mean, why would a man do such a thing to his hair? Chief: I know. It's arrogant. Cat: Thank you. Blake: What are we talking about? Cat: Owen's got a new look. It's atrocious. Wait till you see it. Chief: Spoiler alert... it's a perm. Blake: Right, right, right. Oh, because... Owen's spoiled. Like, he's a spoiled brat, and that's why he got a perm. [ Laughing ] [ Sighs ] Cat: You don't know what "spoiler alert" means, do you? Blake: Of course I do. I know all the current expressions, and I know how to use them, and I can communicate just like you guys. Watch. "Mm. That's too much information... on this." Chief: God, I hate Owen. Let's punish him. Cat: I have an idea, but it involves a staggering commitment of time and resources far out of proportion to the problem at hand. Chief: I'm in! What's the idea? Cat: Weren't you telling me that Chet likes to design immersive Halloween mazes for neighborhood kids or something? Chief: [ Gasps ] Blake: Mm. Hey, Glenn. Glad I caught you. Listen, I got this bilateral craniotomy this afternoon, and I'm like, "Don't go there." Will you do it for me? Glenn: That's a tough procedure, Blake. Blake: Well, yeah, but not for you. I mean, you're the best. [ Both laugh ] Glenn: Blake, I... I... I... I can't lie anymore. I'm not the best. I'm not even the good. Blake: Oh. Oh, okay. Uh, I'm... I'm... I'm listening to you. You can tell that because I'm making eye contact with you and I'm nodding. Glenn: Blake, I'm gonna tell you a secret. And I know I can trust you because you're probably not listening to me. I'm a terrible surgeon. That's the truth. The real surgeon is Chilli, my pet mouse who lives underneath my yarmulke. By pulling on my hair, he guides my hands. Blake: Like the movie "Ratatouille"? Glenn: That's right. Exactly like that. Exactly like the movie "Ratatouille." Blake: Glenn, that mouse is dead. Glenn: What? Oh, my God! Chilli! No! Blake: Spoiler alert? Chief: This kid's in bad shape. We're gonna need to do something... experimental. Cat: Are you suggesting we try the prototype micro-miniaturization machine? We're gonna need a doctor to be our micronaut. Chief: And it can't be me because of the high levels of cocaine in my system. Owen: Excuse me. If I heard you correctly, we have a machine that can shrink a man down and insert him into the human body? Chief: That's right. Thanks to a grant from Omni Magazine. Owen: Omni? They're the best. Cat: With Omni, science fiction can become science fact. I know this because I read it while on the toilet. Chief: But we don't have a volunteer. Oh! Owen: I know someone. Both: Who? Owen: He's 6'2" with the looks of a Greg Kinnear type, and his name is me... Dr. Owen Maestro. Dori: Oh, my God! Your perm! Oh, my God! [ Glass shatters ] Oh, my God! [ Screaming, crashing ] Hey! What are you doing?! Dori: Get out of the car! [ Car door slams, tires screech ] [ Tires screech, crashing ] [ Chicken clucks ] Cat: Okay, I need to warn you. This whole experience is gonna be very, very painful and very, very embarrassing. Are you ready? Owen: Yes, I am. Cat: In order for us to shrink you down and inject you into this little boy, we're gonna need to sandpaper your skin. Owen: Why? Chief: Dead skin cells slow down the miniaturization process. You read Omni, right? Owen: Of course. Aah! Such intense pain! It's so embarrassing! It's just as you described! Chief: Next, you have to eat this entire stick of unsalted butter. Owen: [ Groans, gags ] All of it? Chief: All of it! Cat: This is so great! Chief: I'm having such a good time with you right now. Hey, are you on Google Plus? Chet: Once he finishes the unsalted butter, we will send him on an immersive journey through the "human body." Cat: Do you think he'll buy it? Chet: I've been building haunted houses in my basement for neighborhood kids every Halloween for the past three years. I think I've picked up a few tricks along the way. Glenn: Chilli, you were... you were a good mouse and an even better surgeon. Take care of yourself, little buddy. [ Breathes deeply ] Blake, is there anything you'd like to say? Blake: That's what she said. Glenn: I need to head back and write my letter of resignation, so... Blake: I'm not gonna go with you. I want to... I want to stay out here. Glenn: Why? Blake: I'm better off living in the woods, okay? I just don't fit in up there. [ Breathes deeply ] I don't know. I mean... What do you think? Glenn: Oh. That sounds about right. I'll see you around. [SCENE_BREAK] Chet: In a few moments, we'll start the shrinking process. Owen: Let's make history. Chet: Step into the miniaturization pod. Owen: Almost reminds me of a prop from an immersive Halloween maze. Chet: Oh, are you into that sort of thing? Chief: Chet, calm down! Chet: Initiating miniaturization. Mr. Winslow, you're on. [ Imitates energy noises ] Owen: Whoa. Whoa! Uh-oh! Whoa! Whoa! Something's happening! I-I'm being shaken around a little bit. Whoa! I-I-I think I'm being shrunk down! [ Electricity crackles ] Aah! That feels like a very painful electric shock! Chet: Okay. The miniaturization process is now complete. We are now injecting you into the patient's bloodstream. Owen: Ohh! Close the curtains! Owen: Oh, my God. It's breathtaking. I have made my way to the carotid artery. [ Imitating heart beating ] Owen: I can actually hear the beating of the human heart. I need to figure out what I'm gonna wear to the Nobel Prize ceremony. Chief: [ Laughs ] Oh! I can't remember the last time I had this much fun. You're really special. Cat: This is fun, yeah. Chief: Yeah. Chet: Okay, my readings indicate that you're in a pure-air environment. Owen, you can take off your helmet if you want to. Owen: [ Breathes deeply ] This is exactly what I always imagined the inside of a young boy would smell like. Chief: Heads up, Owen. The patient just took a sip of scalding hot tea. Now! Owen: [ Screams ] My perm! And my flesh! Why would the patient be drinking tea right now?! Chet: [ Hisses ] Owen: [ Screams ] Chief: Chet! Cat: Uh, what's he doing? Owen: The patient has Draculas! I am terrified right now! Abort the procedure! Code red! Code red! [ Shouts, body thuds ] Cat: Oh, dear. Chief: Oh, God. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Cat: Okay. Just... Okay. Owen! Chief: Oh, God. He's in stage-four cardiac arrest. He needs to go to surgery, now! Prep the O.R.! Owen: I want...Glenn. He's the best. [ Echoing ] Glenn's the best. Glenn: "I, Dr. Glenn Richie, hereby resign due to the fact that I have no ability to perform surgery." Cat: Glenn, there's an emergency! Chief will explain! Chief: Owen's had a heart attack! He's requested you! Glenn: No, I won't do it. I can't do it. Blake: Yes, you can. I was in the woods, and it all became clear to me. Your mouse has been dead for weeks. Look. Glenn: You're right. Chilli has been dead for weeks. Blake: I wrote it down. Glenn: You wrote it down. I've been performing so many surgeries, I... I must've forgotten to feed him. Wait. That means... that I performed all those surgeries... by myself. Chief: Exactly. Those skills were always in you. You just need to learn to do it without the mouse. Glenn: Let's scrub up. [ Monitors beeping ] Glenn: And we're closed. [ Applause ] [ Chuckles ] Chief: You did it again, Glenn. You are still very much our best surgeon. Glenn: Well, this time, I had a little help. Ah-ah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. [Laughs] Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah...Ah. Not from my dead mouse... but from a very live human being. Blake, I'm proud to call you my friend. Chief: And I have really enjoyed this day that you and I have had together, Cat. Cat: I feel like you're pushing it just a tiny bit now. Chief: Fair enough. Owen: And I owe you all an apology. It was wrong of me to get a new hairstyle. Cat: Yeah. Owen: And I totally understand how it was necessary for you guys to go to the lengths you did to show that to me. Anything less than a totally immersive human body experience, I probably wouldn't have gotten the message. Chet: Look, I've been making these things since 2010, so I think I have some idea of what I'm doing. [ Laughter ] Glenn: Blake, you want to join us at the noodle house tonight? Blake: Spoiler alert... I'll be there. [ Laughter ] Glenn: What a perfect phrase for the situation. Blake: Spoiler alert... I'll be there. [ Breathes deeply ] I'll be there. Glenn: Hmm? Blake: I'll be there. Glenn: What? Blake: I'll be there. I have to get out of this one thing. If I can't, I will still try and make an appearance. [ Imitates static ] And now the news. [ Imitates static ] Big light in sky... [ Imitates static ] Scalding hot water on young... [ Imitates static ] And now a commercial. Mm-mmm. Oh, yeah, baby. It's all about lo...
Plan: A: Owen; Q: Who gets a perm? A: Chet; Q: Who has a Halloween maze? A: Glenn's mouse Chilli; Q: What pet dies? A: Blake; Q: Who doesn't understand modern idiomatic expressions? A: Guest star; Q: What was Michael Winslow's role in the episode? Summary: Owen gets a perm, so Chief and Kat have to trick him into one of Chet's immersive Halloween mazes. Glenn's mouse Chilli dies. Blake doesn't understand modern idiomatic expressions. Guest star: Michael Winslow
[Scene: Outside the manor. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are walking down the stairs heading towards the house across the street.] Prue: So, we're agreed? Twenty minutes? Piper: Prue, you can't do a party in twenty minutes. Prue: Watch me. Phoebe: Prue's party tips - meet, greet and bail. Prue: Hey, I'm sorry but some of us have a job. Phoebe: And some of us have fun. Piper: And some of us are having a really bad hair day. Prue: You know, that is a sign. Let's turn back now before it's too late. Piper: No. Phoebe: Prue, it's never too late for a party. Piper: It's never too late, Prue. Phoebe: Remember my sweet sixteen? (You see a dog in the bushes. They walk across the street and into Fritz, Marshall and Cynda's house.) Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we throw a party and charge commission. It's a great way to make extra cash. Prue: Hey, I have an even better idea. Why don't you just get a job. Marshall: The sisters Halliwell. Now the party can begin. Cynda: It's about time you chicks showed. Fritz: Hey, Prue, I'm glad you made it. Prue: Wouldn't miss it for the world, Fritz. Piper: Marshall, the place looks great. Marshall: Thank you. We're mostly just restoring it. I didn't wanna change it too much. You guys knew the old owners didn't you? Phoebe: Oh, we basically grew up with their kids. We probably know the house better than you guys. Marshall: (to Fritz) Oh, hey, how's the bar? Fritz: Oh, dry. I'll take care of it. Cynda: No, my turn. (Cynda crushes a beer can with her bare hands. Cynda walks away.) Marshall: Try to behave, Cynda. We have guests. Fritz: You know... sisters. Prue: Tell me about it. (Piper and Phoebe look at her.) Marshall: So listen, enjoy the party. Phoebe: Okay. (Fritz and Marshall walk away.) Prue: Okay, I came, I saw, I was perky. Now I just want my head on a pillow because I have to wake up early. Phoebe: No. I mean, not yet. Piper: Yeah, Prue, we just got here. It, it wouldn't look good. Prue: Alright, what's going on? Phoebe: Going on? What do you mean? (Phoebe sees Andy.) Oh, what a coinkidink. Look, who's here. (Prue looks over at Andy. He waves.) Prue: Phoebe, you didn't. Phoebe: Well, your fingers weren't doing the walking, somebody's had to. Prue: We've been through this. Okay, cop, witch, is not a love connection. Phoebe: Boy, girl, lighten up. (Andy comes over to Prue.) Piper: Hi, Andy. (Piper and Phoebe walk away.) Prue: We're working on their subtlety. Andy: Then it's onto ending hunger and creating world peace, right? Prue: Hmm, what will I do with my Saturdays? Andy: Funny you should ask. I don't mean to push you but I was wondering if you're not doing anything, I kind of have these tickets but they're for a Warriors game and you probably wouldn't be interested, so... Prue: Well, the team can't do any worse than they did last year. Did you see him get creamed by the Lakers? Andy: Impressive. Is that a yes? Prue: You know, um, I need to check my book because I might have a thing. Andy: A thing? (Fritz walks up to them.) Fritz: So Prue, I hear you're friends with a cop. Prue: Inspector actually. Fritz: Oh, yeah. I've got these parking tickets. Andy: My focus is mainly homicide and robbery. Fritz: Yeah, yeah. So I have these parking tickets... Prue: Gotta go. (Prue walks away.) Andy: Prue, wait. [Cut to outside. Prue walks back over to the manor. She notices the door's open.] Prue: Phoebe. (She walks inside and shuts the door. There's a dog on the stairs and it starts barking at her. She runs back outside. The dog's eyes glow.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are there.] Phoebe: How big was this dog again? Prue: Huge. Did you see the scratches on the attic door? Piper: What was it doing in the house? Prue: I don't know. Someone obviously left the front door open again. Phoebe: Why do you always assume it was me? What about Piper? Piper: Not it. Phoebe: Well, it's not a big deal. We checked the house and nothing is missing except my Pat Boone Christmas CD. Piper: Now this is really creepy. If there were a dog in the house, then it had to have an owner. No dog I know can open that front door, let alone reach the top shelf. Phoebe: Hey, maybe we should get a security system. Prue: No, they are way too expensive. Besides after what happened, Andy will be checking in every five minutes. Piper: Oh, you told him. Phoebe: Convenient. So what should we do? Prue: Well, either we could rely on our vicious guard cat to protect us or we could remember to lock the doors. (Prue walks in the laundry.) Phoebe: That is a really good idea, Prue. (Phoebe walks over and locks the door. Prue wiggles the door handle. Piper and Phoebe laugh.) Prue: Unlock the door, Phoebe. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. Prue's sitting at her desk writing on a notepad. Victor walks in. He clears his throat. Prue looks up.] Victor: I was told that you might be able to help me. (He pulls a ring off his finger.) I'd like to have this (he puts it on the desk) appraised. Prue: Well, you would be better off going to the ------- appraiser. Victor: I've been there. He'd need a week. And I just... I wouldn't feel right without it. It's a family heirloom. (She picks it up and looks at it.) Prue: I think I've seen a ring similar to this before. The setting's quite old. At least 17th century. (She walks over to a shelf and picks up a book.) The stones looks like crystallite. Keep in mind this is just an educated guess. Victor: Please, (he sits down) guess away. Prue: I am not mistaken. It's a stone that the Egyptians believed would protect them against spells, curses, evil spirits. This wouldn't be a wedding band by any chance would it? Victor: You tell me. Prue: The stones are set in two's. The symbol of twoality. Man, woman. Like in protection. Victor: And what does all that tell you? Prue: Where did you get this ring? What did you say your name was? Victor: I think you know what my name is... Prudence. Prue: Get out, (she throws the ring on the table and stands up) and stay away from us. (He puts on the ring.) Victor: I'm staying at the Ballmark. What do you say you and your sisters join me for dinner? Let's say tomorrow night. We can talk. Prue: After how you abandoned us? How dare you. Victor: Fiery temper. I like that. It reminds me of someone I know. Prue: I am nothing like you. I would never leave my responsibilities, my family. Victor: I can see we have some issues to work through. Prue: Oh, we've got the whole subscription. Now get out before I have you thrown out. Victor: Is that anyway to talk to your father? (He leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: At a cafe. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are sitting at a table drinking coffee.] Piper: I wonder why he went to you first? Why not Phoebe or me? Prue: Piper, it's not like I won the lottery. Phoebe: What was he like? Did he ask about us? Prue: Actually, no. (Phoebe looks upset.) Phoebe, think about it. He abandoned us. He was a no show for twenty years and then what, suddenly here he is? Why now? Piper: Maybe he just wants to be part of our lives. Prue: After all this time? Don't get your hopes up. Phoebe: Well, there's only one way to find out. Why wait till dinner? Let's go see him now. Prue: Will you be rational. Don't you find it just a little suspicious that just when we find out... (a waitress comes up to the table and picks up the dirty plates.) Waitress: Let me get that for you. (She walks away.) Prue: Just when we find out we're witches he shows up. But when mum dies he's no where to be found. Phoebe: He sent us birthday cards. Prue: Selective memory. Grams always told us he was a threat to us. There's no reason to think that's changed. Piper: Prue, it's not that I don't see your point but you knew him, we didn't. Why can't we have a chance to know now? Prue: Because we really don't know why he's here and until we do we can't trust him. [Scene: A hotel. Phoebe knocks on the door to Victor's room.] Victor: Entrée. (Phoebe opens the door and walks in. She walks down all hallway and into a room. She sees Victor getting a massage.) Phoebe: Daddy? Victor: Well, well. What a nice surprise. (He stands up.) Phoebe: I'm, uh, I'm sorry to just show up like this. I know I was supposed to wait for dinner but I... Victor: No, nonsense. Welcome. Let me get a good look at you. This is my baby girl. Little... Piper? (Phoebe looks crushed.) Phoebe. Phoebe: Yeah. That's okay. People confuse us all the time. Victor: Are you kidding? I should be slapped and persecuted. Let me make it up to you. How about some room service? (He heads towards the phone.) Phoebe: I just ate actually. Victor: A drink? You are legal, right? Phoebe: Barely but no thanks. Victor: A massage? I can call Lucy back. Phoebe: No, really, I don't want anything. I just wanted to look at you. Victor: It's like looking in the mirror isn't it? You've got you daddy's eyes, you know that? Phoebe: I noticed that. Victor: How about a hug? (They hug and Phoebe gets a premonition of Victor holding the Book Of Shadows. The premonition ends. The phone rings and they stop hugging.) They always manage to find me. Phoebe: You know what? It's okay, I, I'll just see you at dinner, I've gotta go. (Phoebe leaves.) Victor: Phoebe. Phoebe, wait. [Scene: Outside the manor. A mailman walks up the stairs to the front door. His index finger turns into a key, he unlocks the door and walks inside. He walks up the stairs and up to the attic. The attic door is locked so he breaks it down. He grabs the Book Of Shadows and runs back down the stairs. When he walks through the doorway, the book flies out of his hands. He picks it back up but it doesn't let him take it outside. He sees Prue coming up the stairs so he quickly closes the door and he throws the book in the living room. He shape shifts into Andy. Prue walks in.] Prue: Andy, what are you doing in here? Andy: Uh, door was open. Prue: Again? Andy: Yeah, I, uh, came by to check up and it was open. I looked around. Everything seems to be in order. (Prue sees the Book Of Shadows on the floor in the living room.) You want me to check upstairs? Prue: Uh, no, no, no, that's okay really. (She uses her power and the book slides under a stand.) Oh, and, um, about tomorrow night, I've changed my mind. Andy: Excuse me? Prue: Well, you'll never believe who popped back into my life after twenty years. Victor, my dad. Andy: Your dad? Prue: Yeah, he wants to have dinner and I would really rather avoid that. Too bad the game's not tonight. (Cynda knocks on the door.) Uh, hi Cynda. Cynda: Hey. Everything okay? Prue: Yeah, thanks. Cynda: Bye. Prue: Nice party last night. (Cynda leaves.) Andy: I guess I'll get going too. (He kisses her on the cheek and leaves. Prue locks the door. She walks over, picks up the Book Of Shadows and takes it back upstairs. She notices the broken door.) Prue: What the hell? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue, Piper and Phoebe's there. Phoebe sits down at the table. Prue and Piper are looking through the drawers.] Phoebe: You don't know for sure. Prue: I know plenty. First someone rips off the attic door, then the Book Of Shadows is found downstairs. Isn't that enough? (Piper gets a phone book out of a drawer.) Piper: Why would somebody want the book? Here. (She hands the phone book to Prue and they both sit down at the table.) Prue: Well, for one reason, they know what it can do. They want its power, our power. Piper: That would mean it's someone who knows us and knows that we're witches. Prue: Yeah, someone like Victor. Phoebe: What? Dad? Prue: Look, just think about it. The moment he shows up someone makes two attempts to grab the book. Coincidence? I think not. Piper: The craft is a chick thing, Prue. It's passed on down through the female line. There's a good chance dad doesn't even know we're charmed. Prue: And there's as good of a chance he does. (Phoebe remembers the premonition she had.) Piper: What would he want with the book? And why would he take it from us? Phoebe, help me out here. Phoebe. Phoebe: Okay. Let's just say for the sake of argument that he is after the it. Wouldn't he of taken it with him? He wouldn't of left it behind. Piper: Okay, we have to call the cops and report it as break in. Prue: And tell them what? That someone broke into our house to try steal our broomsticks? I mean, please. Besides, Andy's already been here. Phoebe: Oh, so Andy was here again. Talk about convenient. Did you ever think about pointing the finger at him? Prue: He's probably the one who scared Victor away. Until we find out what's going on and whether Victor's involved or not, we've got to hide the book. Either that or we can't leave the house. Piper: Fine. Then we hide the book because I'm going to dinner tonight. I wanna see dad. Phoebe: So do I. Prue: I've already seen him. [Scene: Restaurant. Piper, Phoebe and Victor are sitting at a table. Piper's nibbling on a carrot stick.] Victor: Girls, it's so nice to see you. It's not like we don't have a lot to talk about. Phoebe: We do. I mean, yeah, we have a few questions. Victor: (to Piper) You know, the last time we ate dinner together, you would only eat food that was white. I'm glad to see you've out grown it. Piper: That's right. I was four. Victor: Phoebe, that would've made you what? One? (She nods.) You know, you couldn't walk yet but you could swim. You were a fish. (Phoebe laughs.) This feels right doesn't it? This feels natural, almost like normal. Piper: Almost. It's just, um, well, why? I mean, after all this time, why here, why now? Victor: Well, I heard the food is pretty good here and it is dinner time. (Phoebe laughs. The waiter places a plate in front of Phoebe.) Waiter: Here you are, ma'am. Phoebe: Thank you. Victor: Bon appetite. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue takes a container of broccoli out of the microwave and pours them out onto a plate. The door bell rings.] [Cut to the foyer. Prue walks in and opens the door. Andy's there.] Andy: My plans for tonight fell through, figured I'd stop by. (Prue opens the door wider and Andy walks in.) [Time lapse. In the kitchen. Andy's sitting at the table. Prue carries two cups of coffee over to the table.] Prue: And then all of a sudden there he was. He just showed up at work. Andy: I can't believe it. How are you dealing? Prue: Honestly, I'm not. (She sits down.) Andy: I don't blame you. What do you think he wants? Prue: Dinner. Piper and Phoebe are there with him now. You know, they just don't understand. They don't know him like I do. I can't believe I let them go. I can't believe they went. He's acting like no time has passed, like I'm still his little girl and I'm not. There are things I want to tell him, I want him to know what he missed. You know, like the time I broke my arm or the day that I finally passed my drivers test, our prom. Andy: Didn't we miss that too? (They smile.) Prue: I want him to know. I want him to want to know. And I'm sorry but I also want some answers, like where the hell's he been all my life. Why didn't he come back until now? He needs to know that that's not okay. Andy: So tell him. I'll drop him off. [Scene: Restaurant. Prue walks in and goes up to the table. Victor stands up.] Victor: Prudence. Prue: Did I miss much? Phoebe: Uh, just catch up. Dad was filling us in. Memory lane. Prue: Has he mentioned where he's been all our lives? Piper: Prue... Prue: I don't understand. If you can afford a spot like this, why didn't you help out when Grams died? We actually could've used it then. Piper: Give him a chance, Prue. Dad's explained. The money, all this, it's new. Victor: It's okay, Piper. I'm a big boy. I didn't come back earlier because I was afraid I might disappoint you. Prue: Too late. Piper: I wonder what's keeping that dessert? Victor: Please, sit down. Have something to eat. Prue: I'm not hungry. Victor: Always in a hurry, Prue. You skipped crawling and went straight to walking. Prue: Ah, we're sharing memories. Well, I got one of my own, you're back walking out the door. (Just as a waiter walks past them holding a flambeau, Victor puts out his foot and trips him. Piper freezes him and the restaurant. She gets up and takes the flambeau out of the waiters hands. Everyone unfreezes and the waiter falls flat on his face.) Piper: Who wants flambeau? (The waiter stands back up and takes the flambeau off of Piper.) Victor: Nice reflexes. Now let me get this straight. Piper, you freeze time. Prue, don't you move objects? And what's you specialty, Phoebe? Premonitions? Maybe we should talk about this elsewhere. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper and Phoebe are sitting on the couch reading magazines. The mail man walks in. Piper jumps up.] Piper: What are you doing here? Mail Man: What do ya think? (Phoebe jumps up.) Phoebe: Get out now. Mail Man: No, you've gotta get out. Phoebe: We've got it under control. Mail Man: No you don't because they're on their way back. (The mail man shape shifts into Fritz.) I thought you were in charge. Look, shape shift into yourself and we'll get back to the book later. (Phoebe shape shifts into Marshall.) Nice plan, Marshall. Marshall: Don't piss me off, Fritz. (Piper shape shifts into Cynda.) How was I supposed to know Prue would come back with her sisters. Cynda: That little witch was supposed to be out on a date with that cop. Fritz: You really think you would've been able to trick Prue into getting the book out of the house? Marshall: Well, we sure as hell can't now can we? Fritz: So what now, genius? (Cynda laughs and then turns into a demon-like creature.) Cynda: We kill them. [Cut to outside. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Victor pull up.] [Cut back inside.] Marshall: Cynda, heal. Plenty of time for that later. Heal. [Cut back outside. Prue unlocks the door. When she opens it she sees three crows inside. They squawk and fly outside.] Victor: Friends of yours? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe, Piper and Victor are there laughing. Prue walks in.] Prue: Someone left the window open which is probably how the birds got in. What is so funny? Piper: Do you remember the day this was taken? (Piper shows her a photograph.) Prue: Yeah, family picnic. It rained. Victor: And your mother packed us all up and she brought us home and we had the picnic right here in the living room. Do you remember that Prue? Prue: Barely. Phoebe: Prue... (Victor picks up another photograph and slowly walks over to Prue.) Victor: This one was at one of your piano recitals. Not a very good shot. My fault. I had to take the pictures that day. Your mother was too busy holding her breath. If you look closely, (he hands her the photo) you see there, that's her. Prue: I never noticed that before. (Victor picks up another photo.) Victor: And this one used to be a five by seven. (It is a picture of the family but a piece is missing.) When I was still in it. Phoebe: I think Grams cut you out. Piper: There's a bunch of other stuff in the attic. Grams left us some things. Phoebe: Not all she left us. Prue: Phoebe, let's not go there. Phoebe: What, it's not like he doesn't already know and I'm sorry but it's kind of a relief to talk to someone about it. Piper: Um, does anybody want coffee? Phoebe: I mean, one day I am a member of the Y generation with average hair and a thing for caffeinated beverages, and the next I am a witch. Piper: Dad, do you take cream or, um, sugar with that? Phoebe: I just read from the book and 'wham!' I am Tabitha. The only thing is, is I got stuck with the power to see the future. How uncool is that? Victor: Well, from what your mother always said, it was actually considered one of the more desirable powers. Phoebe: Unless you see things you don't desire. Prue: So how long have you known? About us, our powers, how long? Victor: I knew there was a possibility. That's why I came back, to find out. It must of happened when your grandmother died, right? Phoebe: Yep, I just read an incantation from the book and... Prue: Phoebe. Victor: Ahh, the Book Of Shadows. Not exactly summer reading. Is it still up in the attic? You know, I haven't seen it in years. Mind if I have a look? [Cut to Fritz, Marshall and Cynda's house. Cynda is hitting a chair against the wall.] Cynda: Disappointed. Marshall: Patience, my sweet. Cynda: Patience is highly over rated. We could've destroyed them right there. Marshall: Then we'd have three dead witches and no way to get the book out of the house. Where would that put us? Cynda: Satisfied. Fritz: I still like my idea. We just kill two of them and we force the third to get the book out. Marshall: Let me explain this once again for the cerebrally impaired. These are not school girls we're dealing with. These are good witches. We can not alert them with our presence. At their full strength, battling them would be unpleasant. However, once we possess the book, we get its powers, we weaken theirs and they're easy pray. Fritz: You know, that sounds good in theory but, um, (he raises his voice) we've already tried everything. Marshall: We still have Victor. [Cut back to the manor.] Victor: What exactly are you accusing me of, Prue? Prue: Figure it out. Phoebe: Come on, Prue, take it easy. Prue: Are you kidding me? Am I the only one who sees what's going on here? Piper: Couldn't we all just take a deep breath... Prue: Think about it, Piper. He wines and dines and now he's back in the house he hasn't set foot in for twenty years and the first thing he wants to know is where's the Book Of Shadows? Phoebe: You're just looking for something to blame him for. Prue: Admit it. Tell them why you're here. Piper: Prue, stop. Prue: For the first time in your life, Victor, tell them the truth. Victor: Alright, fine. You're right. I am after the book. That's exactly the reason why I came back. Phoebe: Dad. Victor: But not for the reasons you would like to believe. It would make it easier for you, Prue, wouldn't it? If I were evil. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, I'm not. I'm here to protect you. Prue: Yeah, right. Piper: To protect us from what? Victor: From yourselves. That's why I want that damn book. It's where the power of three started and it's where it must end. Phoebe: It's part of us, it's part of who we are. Victor: That's what your mother believed too. Before they killed her. Piper: What are you saying? Victor: You have no idea what evil is out there. Prue: Oh, I think we've got a pretty good idea. Victor: Listen to me, Prue. That book is a magnet for evil. As long as you have it, as long as you use it, you're in danger. All of you. Prue: You're unbelievable. After all these years of being an absentee dad then you waltz back into our lives and tell us how to live. Victor: I never wanted you to have those powers in the first place. I battled with your grandmother after your mum died. She wanted you to find out you were witches when you grew up. I didn't. I fought for you, hard. Your grandmother was too strong. Piper: Wait, you're blaming Grams for why you disappeared. She loved us, she raised us. Prue: What'd she do? Put a spell on you? Victor: believe me, nothing short of that would've kept me away. You have to believe me. All I want is for what's best for you. Phoebe, you believe me don't you? Prue: We've done fine without you. Victor: Prue, you can't fight this. I couldn't. Prue: I'm not you. Victor: Are you sure? Are you sure you can protect your sisters forever? Piper: We'll protect each other. Victor: Then you'll die together. Prue: No one can hurt us as bad as you. (She uses her power and he flies across the room and he hits the door frame. He stands back.) Victor: If you wanted me to leave, all you had to do was ask. (He leaves.) Phoebe: Why did you have to do that? (Phoebe follows Victor outside.) Piper: Did you have to throw him so hard? Prue: Piper... Piper: We could've just, you know, talked about it like normal people. Prue: We're not normal. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hotel. Victor's room. Victor walks in and sits on the couch. The light turns on and Fritz, Marshall and Cynda are standing there.] Marshall: Hell, Victor. Where have you been? Victor: How did you get in here? Marshall: I think you should be a little more concerned with what we're doing in here. Victor: I was wondering when evil would rear its ugly head. Marshall: Consider it reared. I don't know what kind of people you're used to dealing with but ---- they aren't willing to rip you into a thousand pieces and dance on your entrails. Victor: Ahh, so you're lawyers. And here I was assuming you were shape shifters. Fritz: Those are clever words for a man about to be an appetizer. Victor: Cocky words for a man who can't get a simple book out of a house. Close your mouth. I mean, it's obvious. You're gonna shape shift into me and try to get to the girls that way. Am I right? It won't work. Cynda: Why not? Victor: (to Marshall) You mind if I poke holes? Marshall: Poke away. Victor: After tonight, the girls won't let me or anything that looks like me back into their lives let alone the house. I have officially been kicked out. There is however, one sister I can reach. Phoebe. Cynda: So why don't I just become you and I'll reach her. Victor: Because only her real father would know what buttons to push. The ones that would get me back in. If you kill me, you'll never know what they are. You'll never get back into the house and you'll never get the Book Of Shadows. [Scene: Manor. Dining room. Piper and Prue are sitting at the table looking depressed. Prue's moving her food around the plate with her fork. Phoebe walks in.] Phoebe: Good morning, Phoebe. (They ignore her. She picks up a napkin and waves it around.) Uh, guys. Can we call it truce just for five minutes please? I have a confession. Remember when we agreed to not see dad? Yeah, well, I did. Piper: Hello, I was with you. Phoebe: No, by myself before dinner and I had a premonition about dad when he hugged me. He was stealing the Book Of Shadows. Yeah, you were right about him, Prue. I didn't want the premonition to be true. I was hoping, praying that there was a perfectly good explanation for it. Hoping that, that he was really here to be with us. I just wanted him back in our lives. His our dad. (Prue stands up.) Prue: I know, Phoebe. (Prue hugs her. Piper notices something on the floor. She walks over and bends down.) Piper: Hey, look. (She picks up Victor's ring.) Dad's ring. What's it doing here? (She hands it to Prue.) Phoebe: It must of came off when he, uh... fell. Prue: Well, I'll take it back to the hotel. (She puts it on the table.) [Time lapse. Outside. Phoebe picks up the paper. She waves at Fritz and Marshall across the road who are leaning against their car. Victor stands behind Phoebe. Phoebe turns around and gasps.] Victor: Don't be afraid. Phoebe: What are you... you have to leave. Victor: Phoebe, please, this is very important. Phoebe: I can't. I don't wanna talk to you anymore. Victor: Phoebe, you gotta get the book out of the house. Phoebe: You have to leave. (She tries to walk away but he grabs her arms.) Victor: Phoebe, trust me. Look... (Phoebe has the same premonition as before again but this time Victor shape shifts into Marshall. Marshall, Fritz and Cynda walk off with the book. The premonition ends. Marshall and Fritz walk over to them. Victor lets go of Phoebe.) Marshall: Excuse me, hey. Is this guy bothering you? Phoebe: Uh, no. This is my, uh... this is Victor. Victor: We were just saying goodbye. Phoebe: Yeah, I gotta run. (Phoebe goes back inside.) Victor: What's the matter? Don't you trust me? [Cut to inside. Phoebe runs inside heading towards the stairs. Prue comes in.] Phoebe: Dad's not after the book, it's Marshall. Prue: What? Phoebe: My premonition, it wasn't dad. Gotta find a spell and banish them. Prue: Banish who? Phoebe: The neighbours. They're shape shifters. Fritz and Marshall and the... (Piper and Cynda walk in.) Cynda: Cookies. Just baked. (Fritz walks in.) Fritz: Hey, door was unlocked. (Phoebe starts walking up the stairs.) Piper: We're you going, Pheebs? Phoebe: Uh, just to get something. Will you save me a cookie? (Cynda smiles.) Okay. (Phoebe goes upstairs. Victor walks in.) Victor: Daddy's home. [Cut to the attic. Phoebe runs over to a closet. She pulls the clothes across and the book is in there. She flips the pages.] Phoebe: Come on, come on. I have no idea what I'm looking for. (The pages turn by themselves.) Okay, I can take a hint. (It stops at a page.) "When in the circle that is home, safety's gone and evils roam, rid all beings from these walls, save sisters three now heed our call." (She repeats it and runs downstairs.) Dad, you can't be here, you have to leave now. (Another Victor walks in.) Piper: Whoa, time out. What's going on here? Victor #1: Don't worry about it, sweetie. Everything's gonna be fine. Victor #2: Don't trust him. Piper: Wait a second. Last week we had no dad and now we have two? Victor #1: Phoebe, remember, remember when you were little and you were afraid of the dark and I would leave the hall light on and the door open just a crack. Victor #2: Oh, that's original. What kid isn't afraid of the dark? Victor #1: Prue, she's never afraid of anything. Piper: He's right, Prue. You were never afraid of the dark. Victor #2: Lucky guess. I said I came back to protect you. Now there's only one way to do it. Kill us both. Victor #1: You're bluffing. Victor #2: Am I? Just do it because I wanna go out with a bang. Prue: Do it, Phoebe. Phoebe: The spell will kill everyone including dad. Victor #2: It's the only way. Prudence... Piper: Prue, the protection ring. (Prue uses her power and the ring slides across the table. Victor #2 picks it up. Prue nods and he puts it on.) Prue: Phoebe, now. Phoebe: "In the circle that is home, safety's gone and evils roam, (Cynda turns into a creature) rid all beings from these walls, save sisters three now heed our call." (It gets windy.) "When in the circle that is home, safety's gone and evils roam..." (The shape shifters start melting. Victor #2 falls to his knees. He looks like he's in pain.) Daddy! Victor #2: It's okay, keep it going. Prue, Piper, Phoebe: "Rid all beings from these walls, save sisters three now heed our call." (The shape shifters melt and disappear. Prue, Piper and Phoebe run over to Victor. Prue helps him up.) Victor: For a moment there I wasn't sure what you would do. Prue: For a moment there neither did I. Phoebe: I thought you didn't want us to use our magic. Victor: I didn't. Not as long as I still thought of you as my little girls. But you're obviously not anymore. Piper: We're still you're little girls, we're just... Prue: Witches. Victor: Yeah, witches. Well, obviously you don't need your old man to protect you from anything. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are there. Prue's on the phone.] Prue: No, Andy, I'm fine really. Dad's gonna be here any minute, so can I take a rain check on dinner? Okay, thanks for the good advice. (She hangs up.) Phoebe: So he's dad now? Prue: Yes, Phoebe, and by the way my dress looks good on you. Phoebe: I don't have any nice clothes, Prue. Prue: Dad said it was casual. Phoebe: I don't care. I wanna look nice for him. Who knows how long it'll be before we see him again. Piper: You don't think he's gonna stay around? Phoebe: Well, let's just say I no longer have a romanticised image of him. And I'm glad about that actually. At least dad is real now. Prue: And at least he's not a monster which is very reassuring considering we share his genes. Piper: I'm just glad he came back no matter how long he stays. Kind of nice feeling like a normal family again. Whatever that means. (Phoebe nods. The doorbell rings.) Speak of the devil. (Piper answers the door. Piper and Leo walk back in the living room.) Prue: Uh, hi, you must be Mr. Wyatt. Phoebe: The handyman? Leo: Call me Leo. Phoebe: Gladly. Leo: This was on the steps. (He holds up a yellow large envelope. Prue takes it off him.) This place is, uh, you don't find many like this around anymore. Piper: Yeah, it's kind of falling apart. (Prue opens the envelope.) Leo: The problem isn't the manor, it's the manner in which it was treated. I'd love to see more. Phoebe: I would love to show it to you. The attic is right this way. (She pushes Piper out of the way and Phoebe and Leo head towards the stairs.) Prue: Guys. (Phoebe turns back around.) Phoebe: Uh, I'll be right up. Prue: He's not coming. Piper: Who's not coming? Prue: Dad. He sent this. Um, (she reads the note) girls, something's come up, I hate to leave town. Can't make it to dinner. Probably best if we let the dust settle anyway. I know there's a lot you would like to forget but here's what I remember. Love dad. (She holds up a video tape.) [Time lapse. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are watching the video. On the video it's Christmas. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are there as kids. They are opening their presents. Victor kisses Prue on the cheek and then grabs Piper and lifts her in the air. He then asks what Phoebe got and she holds up a Barbie.]
Plan: A: The sisters' estranged father Victor returns; Q: Who returns to the house? A: The sisters; Q: Who vanquish the shapeshifters? A: Prue; Q: Who is Victor's estranged wife? A: the girls; Q: Who does Victor want to save from having their powers? A: the Book of Shadows; Q: What is Victor trying to remove from the manor? A: shapeshifters; Q: What are the new neighbors trying to steal the Book of Shadows? A: the shape-shifters; Q: Who do the sisters defeat? A: their father; Q: Who accepts the sisters' destiny? A: town; Q: Where does Victor leave after accepting his daughters' destiny? A: a happy Christmas; Q: What videotape does Victor leave behind? Summary: The sisters' estranged father Victor returns, and is immediately at odds with Prue who cannot forgive him for being an absentee father. He confesses he is trying to save the girls from the risks of having their powers by removing the Book of Shadows from the manor . However, it appears he has teamed up with the new neighbors, who are shapeshifters trying to steal the book. The sisters vanquish the shape-shifters and their father accepts their destiny. Despite planning to meet up with them, he leaves town, but leaves a videotape of a happy Christmas the family had.
The Ribos Operation First broadcast 16th September, 1978 6:30pm - 6:55pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. CASTLE FOYER GRAFF: NO one makes a fool of the Graff Vynda-K and lives. Sholakh... SHOLAKH: Highness? GRAFF: EXECUTE THEM!!! (The guards surround the startled trio.) DOCTOR: Hold it, hold it, HOLD IT!! This must be a case of mistaken identity. (He throws Garron in front of him as a shield. Garron sinks to his knees.) GARRON: Oh mercy, Highness! Spare these gray hairs!! (The Doctor crouches behind the crouching Garron, but Graff comes and seizes Garron up.) GRAFF: Get up, you cringing cur! (The Doctor get up.) DOCTOR: Yes, get up you cringing cur! GARRON: I-I was just taking my friends for a little stroll. (The Graff pulls back a glove to slap Garron.) GRAFF: DON'T LIE. (The Doctor grabs the Graff's hand.) DOCTOR: Don't hit the cringing cur. GRAFF: How dare you touch me!! (The Doctor gets the glove in his face instead. His jaw drops - his hand flies to his cheek. Then he grabs the glove and slaps Graff with it.) GRAFF: SHRIEVES!!! SHOLAKH: Highness - the gold!! (The Doctor mouths "What?" - but it does get the Graff back to the point.) GRAFF: You're right, Sholakh. (The Graff snatches back the glove. The Doctor tries to snatch it back.) GRAFF: Take them to our quarters, Sholakh. It may please me to squeeze the truth out of them at my leisure. (He walks into the castle.) SHOLAKH: You heard, guards! Move it!! (The Doctor, Romana and Garron are herded into the castle.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. RELIC ROOM (The Captain and a guard looks at the empty cabinet.) SHRIEVE: Nothing else missing, sir. CAPTAIN: Well, that's something. The thief must've been disturbed. (The guard closes the cabinet. The Captain moves over to the case, and runs a gloved finger over the ugly hole in the glass.) CAPTAIN: Whoever he is, he knew what he was doing. (The Graff walks in.) GRAFF: CAPTAINNN!! What is going on?? CAPTAIN: You heard the alarm? GRAFF: Well?? CAPTAIN: The gold has been stolen. GRAFF: It was in your keep. CAPTAIN: I have summoned the seeker. GRAFF: The seeker? CAPTAIN: A visionary. No wrongdoer escapes the seeker's bones. I promise you, the thief will be taken before morning. (That's all the Graff needed to hear.) GRAFF: Yes, well I hope you're confident. (He suddenly notices the gaping hole in the case, and the missing "scringe stone." He goes from angry to furious.) GRAFF: WHAT?!?!? CAPTAIN: What's wrong? GRAFF: The jethrik!! He's taken the jethrik!!! CAPTAIN: The what? GRAFF: The "scringe stone"!! Look, it's gone! CAPTAIN: I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing is missing from here except your gold, merchant. GRAFF: A blue stone!! It was here just... (Oh...now he gets it.) GRAFF: You don't know what scringe stone is? CAPTAIN: I've never heard of it. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. GRAFF'S SUITE (One of the bodyguards has a hold of the Key to Time's wand core, and he looks it over.) SHOLAKH: What is that? (The Doctor takes the wand.) ROMANA: Actually, it's an instrument for... (The Doctor kisses the wand.) DOCTOR: ...for measuring time on 19 different planets. SHOLAKH: Let the girl answer. DOCTOR: It can also be used for modifying diarhythmic oscillations, cleaning your shoes, sharpening pencils...it could even peel your apples. (The Doctor and Sholakh share a laugh. Romana's a bit mystified at the Doctor's line of BS.) SHOLAKH: You won't be so cheerful when the Graff is done with you, my friend. DOCTOR: Oh, I don't know. Once I've explained his little mistake, I'm sure we'll be the best of friends. (to Romana) Sit down. (The Doctor and Romana sit on a lounge.) DOCTOR: I get on...I get on terribly well with the aristocracy. (A beeping noise comes from Garron's wrist communicator. He slaps a hand over it and bolts for the door. The bodyguards force him back.) SHOLAKH: So...there's someone else, eh Garron? Another accomplice. Well, we'll get him. The whole dirty gang of you will die together. (He moves to the door.) SHOLAKH: Now, don't any of you poke your nose outside this door - unless you want it shot off. (Sholakh and the bodyguards leave. The Doctor leans in close to Romana.) DOCTOR: We're not a dirty gang, are we? ROMANA: Of course not. [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. CITY (Unstoffe stands with his back against a stone arch, trying desperately to reach Garron on his communicator.) UNSTOFFE: Come on, you stupid old fool, come on!! (No answer. And Unstoffe isn't exactly in the safest place in town. Truth is, he's in the ghetto - which, in these medieval settings, is literally the whole town. Nearby, an old, dirty-faced man looks out from his cloth-doored dwelling at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. GRAFF'S SUITE (Romana is trying to help Garron sew up a cut on his communicator hand.) ROMANA: Let me see that. GARRON: Oh, thank you. (Together, they finish the sewing.) ROMANA: Why did you do it? GARRON: Eh...I was afraid Unstoffe might give our position away. ROMANA: Unstoffe? GARRON: Yeah, a junior employee. (The Doctor lounges on a sofa.) DOCTOR: What, with a open honest face? GARRON: Oh, yes of course, you've seen him. DOCTOR: Yes. I nearly bumped into him in the relic - he's very light on his feet, isn't he? (Garron chuckles in agreement. Romana applies some antiseptic spray to Garron's wound.) ROMANA: There, that should stop the bleeding. GARRON: Oh, thank you very much. You're very kind. If you like, I'll tell the Graff that you weren't part of my team. He won't believe me, of course. DOCTOR: Then there's not much point in telling him, is there? GARRON: Quite. It's ironic, isn't it? ROMANA: What's ironic? GARRON: You've just made a competent arrest. I do admire professionalism, especially in the opposition. (chuckles) Now nobody'll ever hear of it. We'll all die together. DOCTOR: Is that supposed to comforting? GARRON: There's no comfort in dying. I've always said it was the last thing I want to do. ROMANA: Why are you so sure the Graff will kill us? Who is he, anyway? GARRON: He's a cold-blooded maniac! He likes killing people. DOCTOR: Then wasn't it a little foolhardy, trying to sell him a nonexistent mine? GARRON: Mine?? DOCTOR: Yes, mine. That's your game, isn't it? Mines! (Garron gets up, grinning.) GARRON: If mine's mines, then what's yours, eh? ROMANA: We're searching for the first segment to the Key to Time. (The Doctor jumps out of the sofa.) DOCTOR: Oh, never mind about that! Let's get out of here! (He digs something out of his pocket.) ROMANA: What's that, Doctor? DOCTOR: I'm gonna whistle up some help. Cover your ears. (Romana and Garron do so. The Doctor puts his new dog whistle to his mouth and blows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. CASTLE FOYER (The door of the TARDIS opens, and K-9 rolls out onto the snowy ground.) K-9: Master? [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. CONCOURSE OLD MAN: (to Unstoffe) Psst! Hey! In here, quick!! Come on, here! (With a guard approaching his position, Unstoffe dives into the hovel with the old man.) CAPTAIN: You! There! Show yourself!! Show yourself! Hurry! (The old man throws back his blanket door. He's the only one visible inside the tiny hovel.) OLD MAN: What's the matter? Wh-wh-what's going on? SHRIEVE: We're hunting the thief who broke into the relic room tonight. OLD MAN: Ha ha. That's what all the fuss is about. You haven't caught him yet, then? SHRIEVE: Would we be poking about in these bone pits if we had? Ehhh...what a filthy hole. OLD MAN: Oh well, now that I'm awake, uh, you'll want to, uh, want to see in the bed. (He starts to pull off his cover. Unstoffe is hiding behind the bed, and gets a faceful of fur.) SHRIEVE: You can keep your fleas. (The guard looks closer.) SHRIEVE: I know your face, don't I? OLD MAN: Yeah, maybe - it was well known in Shur once. SHRIEVE: Of course...Binro! Binro the Heretic! So you're down to this, are you? BINRO: I live as I must. SHRIEVE: Heh. Not for much longer, by the looks of you. Well, you won't be much missed...Binro. BINRO: You think I care for the opinion of a lout like you? (The guard puts his staff against Binro's neck as a warning.) SHRIEVE: Keep a civil tongue. That old neck of yours would snap like a twig. (The guard storms away. Binro closes the cloth door again.) BINRO: Hey, it's all right. He's gone. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. RELIC ROOM (A flash of light booms out of a small urn. Kneeling before it, an old woman in white and black make-up, a golden horned hat and white clothing gestures wildly.) WOMAN: Bones of our fathers, bones of our kings, seek and find. By the flesh that once clothed you, by the spirit that now holds you. Seek! Seek and find! Seek in the Ice Time. Seek in the Sun Time. Seek and find! (The Graff and Sholakh look at the ceremony, more than a little sceptical.) SHOLAKH: Primitive mumbo jumbo. GRAFF: They believe in it. The Captain says it never fails. WOMAN: Come to the circle, gods of the ice. Come to the bones. Show, show, show what I seek!! (She shrieks, closing her eyes.) WOMAN: I see him. He is at the place of fires. (The Graff and Sholakh throw questioning glances at each other, but the Captain recognizes the location.) CAPTAIN: The concourse? My men have searched there for him. WOMAN: That is where he is. (She gathers up some bones.) WOMAN: We will go there. I will seek him out. (The Graff and Sholakh watch the woman and the Captain leave.) SHOLAKH: What now, Highness? GRAFF: Fetch the guards. We'll follow them. And if they find him... SHOLAKH: ...we take the jethrik. GRAFF: Tell the guards we may have to fight our way out of the city. (They leave the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CORRIDOR (Little ol' K-9 scoots across the stone corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. GRAFF'S SUITE (Romana's listening by the door as the Doctor talks to Garron.) DOCTOR: When did you leave Earth, Garron? (Garron helps himself to some wine.) GARRON: Oh, a long time ago. I was just an ambitious boy in those days, taking my first steps in life. Then I had a bit of trouble with a dissatisfied client and thought it best to leave. DOCTOR: Really? What happened? GARRON: He was an Arab. I sold him Sydney Harbour for $50 million dollars. (Garron and the Doctor both laugh at that one.) GARRON: Yeah...then he thought I should throw in this opera house as well! DOCTOR: No! GARRON: Oh, yes! DOCTOR: The opera house? GARRON: Yeah, the opera house. But I refused. I mean, one must have SOME scruples, mustn't one? DOCTOR: But of course. GARRON: Well, I couldn't let that noble edifice to our cultural heritage fall in the wrong hands, could I? DOCTOR: No. GARRON: Yeah, but my refusal upset him. He took the impressive documents I had prepared to the government, and it seemed my little ruse was prematurely rumbled. They came after me with a machine gun. It was the most harrowing experience. I never went back. (The Doctor laughs.) DOCTOR: I'm not surprised. ROMANA: (exasperated) Doctor, there are men out there planning to kill us, and you're just sitting here chatting. DOCTOR: Please don't panic, Romana. Come and sit down. Come on, come and sit down. (He pulls up a pillow for the young woman. Romana reluctantly moves over and sits, crossing her arms.) DOCTOR: Listen, when you've faced death as often as I have...this is much more fun. Go on, Garron. Tell us about the jethrik. ROMANA: (disgusted) Jethrik...what's so special about jethrik? DOCTOR: Tell her, Garron. GARRON: She doesn't know about it?!? DOCTOR: No, she doesn't, do you? GARRON: I thought such ignorance only existed on Grade-3 planets like this. ROMANA: Don't patronize me, Garron, just tell me. GARRON: It's only the rarest and most powerful element in the universe. Without jethrik drive, there'd be no space warping and I'd still be safely at home on Earth. DOCTOR: (softly) And where did you get your piece? GARRON: Stroke of good luck - I acquired that some years ago. DOCTOR: You stole it. GARRON: Oh, now that's a very blunt word, isn't it? DOCTOR: Fraud's another one. Tell me, Garron, how many jethrik mines have you sold since then? GARRON: I don't sell mines, Doctor. DOCTOR: No? GARRON: No...I sell planets! (Both Romana and the Doctor are surprised at this.) DOCTOR: Pl... GARRON: (nods) That's how I realized you worked for Alliance Security. They've been tailing me ever since I sold Merabelis mine to some three different purchasers. Oh, I was in my prime in those days, my golden period. (He takes another long swig of wine.) ROMANA: (aside to the Doctor) Do you know, I think his social maladjustment is entirely due to a deep rooted sense of rejection. GARRON: Look, all I do is take a little from those that have too much and then I spread it around a bit. I have to keep the economy in balance. ROMANA: Yes, but...if this piece of jethrik's so valuable, why don't you just sell it? And then you'd have plenty to spread amongst those who need it. GARRON: Oh, I don't think it's worth all that much. DOCTOR: Tell me something, Garron. Why do you think the Graff was interested in buying this planet even before you conned him into believing there was a jethrik mine here? GARRON: He's crazy!! You don't know about the Graff? DOCTOR: I'm asking you, Garron. GARRON: He was Emperor of Levithia once - and a bad one. The tyrant raised an expedition force to go off to the frontier wars, leaving his half-brother on the throne. And when the wars was ended, heh...his people refused to let him return. DOCTOR: (sombre) And now he's got nowhere to go, is that it? GARRON: Says he's looking for a new world. DOCTOR: What? A new world? GARRON: Yeah, that's why he's here. Somewhere where he can raise a-a battle fleet and force the Levithians to have him back. Hah. It's a mad, hopeless dream. But a madman's money jingles in my pocket as well as anyone's. ROMANA: Mad or not, he saw through you. GARRON: Oh, that was Unstoffe's fault, my dear. He's a terrible ham at heart. (A shouting noise from outside. The Doctor holds up a finger.) DOCTOR: Shh! [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CORRIDOR (Sholakh faces the line of armoured bodyguards.) SHOLAKH: All right now, pay attention! Orders from the Graff! It seems that these natives have got a line on the thief, the one who took the jethrik and his Highness' gold. He's trapped in some place called the concourse and the natives are planning to raid this concourse just before dawn. Only, uh...we'll be there as well. And when they arrive, we'll shoot the lot of them. Is that clear? NO survivors, NO tongue-waggers. We take the jethrik and the gold, and we head straight back for the ship. With any luck, we'll be gone before they know what's hit them. Crow... (A bodyguard comes up to him.) SHOLAKH: You stand guard here. If all goes according to plan, you should hear the firing from here. When you do, kill all the prisoners immediately, understood? CROW: Right, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. GRAFF'S SUITE (The Doctor, Romana and Garron could hear every word.) SHOLAKH: (off-screen) All right, follow me! (The army marches out of hearing.) DOCTOR: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of people are going to die if we don't get out of here. GARRON: Including us. DOCTOR: Yes. (Garron stomps out of view.) ROMANA: We've got until dawn, Doctor. How long's that? (The Doctor looks straight up.) DOCTOR: Must be nearly dawn now. ROMANA: Aren't you frightened? DOCTOR: Yes. Terrified. GARRON: If only my wrist speaker was working, I could warn him. I mean, as long as he's free, we've got something to bargain with. (The Doctor takes the wrist speaker and looks it over. He tosses away a piece.) DOCTOR: They made too good a job of that. GARRON: Hey, wait a minute! (Garron moves to the fireplace.) GARRON: Where is it? (He pulls out the little bug.) GARRON: A little hearing aid I planted earlier. It's on the same wavelength as Unstoffe's two-way. Unfortunately, it's got no call button. DOCTOR: Give me what's left of your own two-way. (He accepts the speaker and sits down with the two components.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. CONCOURSE - BINRO'S HOVEL (Unstoffe sips from a hot cup provided by Binro.) UNSTOFFE: Thank you. Thank you for helping me escape. (He sounds very different from the stupid, cowardly git we've been hearing. He sounds calm, mature - almost an entirely different man. Binro takes the cup back.) BINRO: Oh, it was nothing. UNSTOFFE: Why'd you do it? BINRO: Well...I know what it's like when every hand is against you. UNSTOFFE: (nods, pointing outside) Binro the Heretic. BINRO: You heard that name. Well, it wasn't much of a heresy, my friend. Just a little thing. UNSTOFFE: What? BINRO: Oh, many years ago now. (looks upward) Have you ever looked up at the sky at night, and seen those little lights? UNSTOFFE: (nods) Mm-hmm. BINRO: They are NOT ice crystals. (He waits, as if expecting a violent response. Unstoffe merely nods.) UNSTOFFE: Go on. BINRO: Well...I believe they are suns. Just like our own sun. And perhaps each sun has other worlds of its own, just as Ribos is a world. What do you say to that? (Unstoffe seems willing to listen to the ideas, at least.) UNSTOFFE: It's an interesting theory. BINRO: (a bit surprised) Wha...? (laughs heartily) A broad-minded man! Perhaps in the North, they are a different people after all! You see, my friend, I have taken measurements of those little lights and of our sun, and I can PROVE that Ribos moves! Yeah. It circles our sun, travelling far away and then returning. It's the reason we have our two seasons, Sun Time and Ice Time. UNSTOFFE: Nobody believed you. BINRO: Ah, those blockheads - they prefer to believe that Ribos is some sort of battleground over which the Sun Gods and the Ice Gods battle for supremacy. They said that if I did not publicly recant my beliefs...the gods would destroy our world. UNSTOFFE: And did you? BINRO: Mm-hmm, in the end. Hey, these hands... (He holds up two gnarled, crippled hands. He chuckles.) BINRO: Useless for work now. That's why I live here. UNSTOFFE: Binro, supposing I were to tell you that everything you've just said...is absolutely true? There ARE other worlds, other suns. BINRO: (wide-eyed) Heh...y-you believe it too?? UNSTOFFE: I know it for a fact. You see...I come from one of those other worlds. BINRO: (excited) Y-you... UNSTOFFE: I-I thought I should tell you, because one day - even here - in the future, men will turn to each other and say, "Binro was right." (The old man is almost crying with joy. He hugs Unstoffe's hand tightly.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. GRAFF'S SUITE (The Doctor is making some progress on the wrist speaker, twisting diodes with a tiny hand tool as Romana watches.) DOCTOR: Put your finger there, Romana. (She puts a finger on one part.) DOCTOR: Of course, I can't promise you that this will work. GARRON: Without a receiver, we won't even know if it's worked anyway! DOCTOR: Right. So keep your fingers crossed. (Romana wraps one finger around the one she's got on the speaker. The Doctor uncrosses the finger.) DOCTOR: Not you, Romana. [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. CORRIDOR (The red-caped, bucket-headed bodyguard stands ready to dish out death at the first one to come up. Only he didn't expect the first one to be a small gray robot dog with a multicoloured collar. Of course, his back's turned and he doesn't get to see K-9 before K-9 nails him with its nose laser.) K-9: Most satisfactory. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. CONCOURSE - BINRO'S HOVEL (The beeping of Unstoffe's wrist speaker jars Binro awake.) BINRO: Huh? Wh-what? What is it? (Unstoffe slaps a hand over the speaker.) UNSTOFFE: Uh, i-i-it's...somebody t-t-trying to...make me happy. (Binro smiles uncomprehendingly as the beeping stops.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. GRAFF'S SUITE (The Doctor finishes touching his tool to the speaker.) DOCTOR: That should catch his attention. (He hands it over to Garron.) DOCTOR: You use it, Garron. He knows your voice. (At that moment, the door opens and K-9 rolls in.) ROMANA: K-9! K-9: Master. Mistress. DOCTOR: Just a moment, K-9. GARRON: What's that?!? DOCTOR: Never mind about that, Garron! Get on with it! (Garron shrugs it off and speaks into the speaker.) GARRON: Hello, Unstoffe, this is Garron. [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. CONCOURSE - BINRO'S HOVEL (Binro looks about the room in fear as Garron's voice echoes around him.) GARRON: (V.O.) You can't call me back, so listen carefully. You've been traced to the concourse. They'll be raiding the place any minute. Get out while you still have a chance. I repeat... (Unstoffe slaps the speaker off.) UNSTOFFE: Don't bother, I heard you the first time. (Binro frantically pulls off the furs around him.) BINRO: There's only one chance for you now, my friend - we must take refuge in the catacombs! Come, follow me!! (The two climbs out of the hovel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. GRAFF'S SUITE (The Doctor and Garron pull the limp guard out of the corridor and into the back of the suite.) ROMANA: Is he dead? K-9: Negative - he'll be out for hours. I used Stun at mark 7. (The Doctor drops the guard behind the sofa.) DOCTOR: Come on, quickly, let's get out of here. (He throws a red blanket over the guard, and the group quickly takes its leave of the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. CORRIDOR (As they step out, the Doctor takes up the guard's staff.) DOCTOR: Which way's the concourse? GARRON: Straight ahead, down the stairs, and turn a right. (The Doctor hands Garron the staff.) DOCTOR: Come on. K-9, don't stop at all costs. Come on!! (The group starts down the corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. CONCOURSE (The old seeker woman has just lit off another pot of incense.) SEEKER: Oh bones, shine in the darkness, show what I seek! Shine with the ice light, shine with the corpse light. Bring to the circle the one whom I seek! If he be near... (The Graff, Sholakh and the army are standing by her, ready and raring to go.) SHOLAKH: (aside to Graff) Our men have covered all the exits, Highness. No one will escape. SEEKER: Now! NOW!! NOWWW!!! (She shrieks again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. CRYPT (Binro and Unstoffe walk into a dark, candle-lit chamber of tombs. All around are shrouded corpses on slabs.) UNSTOFFE: What is this place? BINRO: Eh, everybody comes here eventually, though not always alive. They call it the Hall of the Dead. UNSTOFFE: Let's not stop then. (Binro points.) BINRO: The catacombs are that way. (The old man staggers over to a door, pauses, and turns to look at Unstoffe, who's looking uneasily at the tombs.) BINRO: Well, come! You're not afraid, are you? [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. CASTLE DOOR (The Doctor runs back to meet Romana, Garron and K-9. The marching of Graff's men can be heard nearby.) GARRON: Any luck? DOCTOR: No. The concourse is well guarded. GARRON: Look, I'll look this way, O.K. (He takes off in another direction.) ROMANA: Doctor, if they're all out looking for Unstoffe, why don't we go down to the relic room and get the segment? It'll be unguarded! DOCTOR: Because it's not there. ROMANA: Not there? But surely it's taken the shape of the crown! DOCTOR: The crown has nothing to do with it. Look at the tracer. (Romana lifts up the wand, which begins clicking rapidly.) ROMANA: Oh, that's the opposite direction from the relic room! DOCTOR: Yes. It's pointing toward Unstoffe and his piece of jethrik. (Romana rolls her eyes. She finally gets it.) ROMANA: Ohhh, you mean it was disguised as the jethrik all along. DOCTOR: (nods) Yes. I thought you would've realized that, bright girl like you. ROMANA: (amazed) How did you know? DOCTOR: How many times do you think that crown has seen the light of day? ROMANA: No idea. DOCTOR: I'd say twice a century. ROMANA: So? DOCTOR: So now, listen. We took two bearings of the segment on the TARDIS, remember? ROMANA: (nods) Uh-huh. DOCTOR: Now, obviously, the segment moved a considerable distance between the readings, so...? ROMANA: But the second time, it stayed put in the cabinet...and it could only have been there a day when we arrived, so...it could only have been the lump of jethrik which didn't belong there!! DOCTOR: Exactly. Garron and Unstoffe planted it there. ROMANA: Of COURSE. DOCTOR: Simple, isn't it? (Romana shakes her head in amazement.) ROMANA: Brilliant. (No time for hero worship, because Garron just ran back up.) DOCTOR: Well? GARRON: All clear that way. DOCTOR: Good. Unstoffe got the message. GARRON: How'd you know? (The Doctor points at the wand.) DOCTOR: This little gadget points us toward the jethrik, and it's pointing that way. (He points the way Garron came.) GARRON: Unstoffe's got the jethrik! DOCTOR: Exactly. Come on, follow me. (The group takes off into the city.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. CONCOURSE SEEKER: He has gone. CAPTAIN: Gone?!? Why, he can't have!! SEEKER: He is no longer in this place. CAPTAIN: But you CAN find him? SEEKER: It will do no good. (Graff and Sholakh glare at each other, the same thought on their mind - wild goose chase!!) SEEKER: The one you seek is in the catacombs. (And with that, she walks away.) GRAFF: WELL, Captain? CAPTAIN: He's escaped us. GRAFF: You assured me he would be found. CAPTAIN: He has gone to the catacombs. He'll die there, so the matter is over. GRAFF: No, Captain, the matter is NOT OVER!!! He has my gold!! CAPTAIN: YOUR gold, eh? My men will not go into the catacombs for your gold. SHOLAKH: Why not? What are these catacombs? CAPTAIN: They are an ancient labyrinth beneath the city - home of the long dead...and of the Ice Gods. [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. CRYPT (The Doctor, Romana, K-9 and Garron enter the place Binro and Unstoffe were a moment before.) DOCTOR: Careful, careful. These steps are treacherous. [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. CATACOMBS (A long corridor of hollowed-out tombs. Unstoffe and Binro continues down the murky passage.) UNSTOFFE: H-how far do these stretch? BINRO: Nobody knows. Our ancestors made them long long ago, to house their dead. Th-they say that the Ice Gods live here. UNSTOFFE: But you don't believe in the Ice Gods, Binro. BINRO: No...no, of course not. (Both men are getting scared in these surroundings.) UNSTOFFE: L-look, d-do you want to go back? BINRO: Yes, um...no, I'll stay here with you. (A growling noise - both men recoil.) UNSTOFFE: Wh-what was that? BINRO: The Shrivenzale, I think. A colony of the creatures lives down here. UNSTOFFE: Do you mean the same as that thing that guards the relic room? BINRO: That was a small one. (Unstoffe goes ashen.) UNSTOFFE: Uh, l-l-look, Binro, I-I think we better think about this. BINRO: The fact that they can stay down here means that there must be another way up to the surface. See, they hunt for smaller animals on the tundra, and then return here to their lair to sleep. UNSTOFFE: That's all very well, Binro, b-but can we tiptoe past them? BINRO: Well...let's see, shall we? (They continue down the passage, Unstoffe more reluctantly than ever.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. CRYPT (The Doctor's group has reached the entrance to the catacombs.) DOCTOR: Garron... GARRON: Huh? DOCTOR: Your friends have a good nose for a hiding place. (Romana uses the wand.) ROMANA: Straight ahead. [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. CATACOMBS (They move into the passage.) K-9: Sentient life forms. DOCTOR: HUSH!! K-9: (whisper) Sentient life forms approaching. DOCTOR: Which way? K-9: Behind us. DOCTOR: What?? (All eyes turn to the back of the passage.) K-9: Quick, into these holes!! (The three humanoids (and one dog) jump into tomb hollows. The Doctor finds himself bed mates with a skeleton. Romana hops on top of Garron in his hiding spot. K-9 rolls into a ground level tomb. The Graff comes into the passage, followed closely by Sholakh and the army.) SHOLAKH: They've gone deeper than this. (The Doctor turns to look at them - and accidentally knocks a skull out onto the ground. It hits with a clatter.) GRAFF: NOW WE HAVE HIM!!! He cannot escape - and no one will ever know how he tried to trick the Graff Vynda-K! (The Doctor braces himself for certain doom...) [SCENE_BREAK] Cue Doctor Who Theme playing over energy whirlpool.
Plan: A: The Graff; Q: Who takes the Doctor, Romana and Garron prisoner? A: the jethryk; Q: Along with Unstoffe, who does The Graff want to find? Summary: The Graff takes the Doctor, Romana and Garron prisoner and then sets about trying to track down Unstoffe and the jethryk.
PREVIOUSLY Rufus: You're one of my oldest friends. Lily: That's certainly not how it felt when you kissed me at Eleanor's. Lily: He proposed before we left, and I'm going to say yes. Rufus: I'm sure you'll make a beautiful bride. Vanessa, to Nate: Last night was strange, but very fun... Didn't we just say good-bye? Nate: Somehow, you screwing Blair for sport is my fault! Chuck: All right, I know how long you and I have been best friends, okay? Nate: No, it's not okay. From now on, you stay away from me. Serena: Georgina. What are you doing here? Georgina: I told you I was coming. Serena, to Chuck: Dan of all people cannot know Georgie. Dan: How about, um, dinner tonight with Sarah instead? Serena: Oh, Sarah again. What is she, your new girlfriend or something? Dan: She's new in town, and she does want to meet you. Georgina, to Serena: I'm Sarah. Serena: What do you want from me? Georgina: I want things to go back to how they were before that night, before things got so screwed up. Chuck: What's Georgina got on you? What's so bad you can't even tell me? Georgina, on video: "If you put the camera over there, she'll never know." Blair: You can tell me anything. Serena: I killed someone. Gossip Girl: "And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl." ACT ONE (G walks through Manhattan, making call after call.) Gossip Girl: "In our modern age, when you can call someone and can't find them, you can pretty much be sure they'll get the message." Georgina: Hey S, it's Georgie. Listen, I know it's early, but I thought I'd ... So this is my third call. Where are you? ...It's me again. I've left you a couple messages, and you haven't called me back... I think we should hang out today. Friends hang out... Maybe you've lost your cell phone. Can't wait to see you... Gossip Girl: "But if they don't call you back, it usually means they don't want to be found." (Humphrey Loft: Rufus strums his guitar as Lonelyboy enters.) Rufus: Hey, do you think "Track Me Down" should come before or after "Everytime"? Dan: Is the Rolling Stone thing tonight? Rufus: I guess I really am in one of the Top Ten Forgotten Bands of the '90s... Dan: It's true. I forgot. Rufus: Yeah, but a lot of people remember. There's a reason that issue was one of the highest selling of the year. Dan: And I'm proud, Dad, I really am. You got your follow-up article and a concert, surely followed by an overpriced CD sold at corporate coffeehouses for Gen Xers without taste buds or taste. Rufus: Hey, it's gonna be cool. I mean, they're even filming it for vh1. Dan: vh1 Classics. The "classic" is kind of important. Rufus: I'm classic! Uh-oh, no retort. Signs of a sleepless night. Disinterest in making your father feel old and irrelevant... That can only mean one thing. Girl trouble. Dan: Yeah, Serena and I, we had a fight last night. This new kind we keep having where she says something, and I know it's not the whole truth. Rufus: Well, have you asked her what's really on her mind? Dan: Only about ten thousand times, yeah. Rufus: Yeah, but did you really mean it? Most times, when people don't offer the truth, it's because they're afraid of what someone might think. And I don't know if you know this, but you can be a pretty judgmental guy. Dan: So you're saying that I should learn to be someone else around her so she can be herself around me? Rufus: Couldn't have said it better myself. Dan: Thank you, Dad. I'm gonna go find her right now. Rufus: See you tonight... Both of you. (N surprises V outside the Coffeeshop) Nate: And here I thought I had your schedule memorized. Vanessa: I switched shifts and just got off. I'm Dan's Dad's roadie for the day, so I gotta bail in like five. Um, although I don't mind the stalking... When are you gonna ask me on a real date? Nate, answering his phone: Uh... Hold that thought. Sorry. Hello? Yeah. Yeah, okay, I'll be right there. Look, I'm sorry. I gotta go... Vanessa: So I heard. Nate: No, no, no. It's not what you think. It's just... What are you doing tonight? Vanessa: Uh, me, Lincoln Hawk, a dirty van and a lot of cables? Nate: Can I meet you at the concert? Vanessa: Can you be there at 7:30? Nate: It's a date. Vanessa: Finally! Nate: Text me the address. (Palace Hotel: Bass Suite) Planner: The guests will be checked into their suites as soon as they arrive. The walk-through is at two, and the rehearsal dinner starts promptly at seven PM in the Reid salon. Oh, and don't forget. You have your interview with Rolling Stone in one hour. Bart: The interview. How could we forget? Dan: Hey, uh, excuse me, Mr. Bass, Ms. Van der Woodsen. Lily: Not for long, thank you very much. Bart: Morning, Daniel. Dan: Morning. Good morning. Have either of you seen Serena? She's not upstairs. Planner: Uh, ticktock, ticktock, ticktock, ticktock, ticktock. Lily: No, Dan. Sorry. Dan: Okay. ...And her bed hasn't been slept in... Chuck, entering: Well, I knew housekeeping was hiring, but I had no idea their standards were so low. Dan: I hate that I have to ask you this, but have you seen Serena? Chuck: Oh, I've seen lots of Serena. (B calls him.) Chuck, shutting a door in Dan's face: Are you drunk dialing again? ...No, Serena didn't come home last night. I thought she was with you. (N boards the elevator at B's house; C enters at the last second.) Nate: Hey. Chuck: Hey. (Awkward. When they enter the residence, it's empty.) Chuck: Maybe this is Blair's idea of a perverse double date. Dorota: Miss Blair asks that you should wait there. She's on her way now. Nate: She's not even here? Chuck, sitting: Well, this oughta be good. (G carries coffee toward the Palace.) Georgina: You're not calling me back, and you're not picking up. I thought you understood me, but maybe I should make myself a little more clear and come to you. We can talk about it over coffee. I brought it just the way you like it...dark but sweet. Georgina, spotting Dan in the courtyard: Oh, no... Dan: Hey, Sarah! Georgina, fake-laughing: Dan! Hey! Oh, my gosh! What a coincidence. Dan: Yeah. What ... what are you doing here? Georgina: Oh, um, I actually have an old friend from Portland staying here. Dan: Oh, okay. Georgina: What are you doing here? Dan: Oh, I just... I came looking for Serena, but she, uh, apparently didn't come home last night, so I'm just... I don't know. I'm trying to figure out what to think. She's been... Well, let's just say she's not been herself lately. So I... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to do exactly. Georgina: Why don't you try giving her a call again? And when she sees it's you calling, she'll immediately pick up and tell you all about it. (Lonelyboy's phone rings.) Dan, showing G and answering: Hey. Hey, I've been looking all over for you! Drew: Hey, is this Dan? Dan: Who's this? Drew: My name's Drew. I'm the bartender at 1OAK. Some girl left this phone here last night, it's been ringing off the hook all morning. You were the first number on the speed dial... Dan: "Some girl"? What... What girl? Drew: Tall, blonde, left here around two with three guys. Skipped out on her tab, which was pretty substan... (Lonelyboy hangs up.) Georgina: Hey. What is it? Gossip Girl:"Spotted: Lonelyboy on the Upper East Side, learning the lesson that nothing stays missing for long..." Dan: It's nothing. Nothing. (B enters the Waldorf residence.) Gossip Girl: "...Things always turn up, for better..." Nate: Well, is something actually wrong, or is this just some ploy to get us both here? Blair: I meant what I said on the phone. I need your help. We need your help. (B leads them back to the elevator: S is in a total shambles on the floor.) Gossip Girl: "...Or for worse." Nate: Oh my God. You okay? ... What's wrong with her? Blair: Take her upstairs, get her upstairs. Dorota! Coffee. Fast. ACT TWO (B carries S to her bathroom.) Blair: Come on, Serena. We have to get her in the shower. Serena: No, I just want to sleep. Blair: Here. No. Come on, come on. Serena: Why won't you let me sleep? Blair: We have to keep her talking and awake. Come on, come on. Let's go. Let's go. Dorota, will you please get her a fresh change of clothes and a bathrobe? Dorota: Of course, Miss Blair. Chuck, entering with shopping bags: So we have every hangover cure known to man, plus bagels. They should help soak up the alcohol and whatever else she took... Blair: Thank you, I'll take it from here. Come on. Come on. Come on, Serena. Help me out. (C watches B undress S; N closes the door on the girls.) Serena: B, it's cold! It's cold! Chuck: Just like old times. Nate: You know, why do I get the feeling you're actually enjoying this? (S barfs loudly inside the bathroom.) Chuck: Call me sentimental? Blair: Ugh. I may not need those bagels after all. Nate: What's going on with her? Blair: She was here last night, scared. She... She told me something totally crazy, but was too freaked out to find the words to explain it. I went upstairs to find my mom's Valium to calm her down, but when I got back, she was gone. It took me all night to find her. Chuck: What exactly did she say to you? Blair: That's ... beside the point. We're here to help Serena, no matter what the problem is. (While V and Rufus unload the van, another guy is reading the Post, headline "BEAUTY BAGS BASS," with a picture of Lily.) Rufus: Hey, could you maybe read that somewhere else? ...I don't like the Post. Vanessa: Is that why you subscribe? Rufus: Another thing I don't like... My son, depressed. I don't know if you've talked to him recently... Vanessa: We've talked. Rufus: He and Serena... Should I be worried? Vanessa: It's been a little bumpy lately, sure. I think the most recent bump is our friend Sarah. Serena's a little jealous, but Sarah's cool, so as soon as Serena gets to know her, everything will be fine. (A giant poster of Rufus unfurls down the building.) Vanessa: I love that picture of you! Rufus: Yeah. Me too... (At the Palace, the Rolling Stone reporter takes out the same picture.) RS: Tell me where you took this photograph, what undoubtedly could be called the band's most well-known image? Lily: Uh, well, I wouldn't go that far. RS: Well, I would. It's positively iconic. Were you and Rufus Humphrey already involved when you took it? Lily: Excuse me? RS: Rufus Humphrey, lead singer of Lincoln Hawk? Or... Was this before or after...? Lily: Oh, well, I simply don't feel comfortable discussing anything other than my work. RS: I was talking about your work. Why'd you give up photography? Was it too hard to continue shooting after you had broken his heart? (There's a knock at the door.) Lily: Um, just -- just a moment, please. Dan, at the door: Oh. You know, I see I'm interrupting, so I'll ... Lily: No, I have to say I have ... never been happier to see you, Dan. Dan: Oh. Well, I've been waiting downstairs for Serena. I... I figured she has to come home... Sometime soon. So have you heard from her? Lily: Have you tried calling? Dan: Pretty sure she lost her phone. Lily: Well, Charles said he was going over to Blair's to pick her up right after you left earlier. Maybe try there? Dan: Ah, yes. "Charles." Charles, of course. Thank you so much. Lily, returning to reporter: Listen, I really appreciate your coming all the way to the Palace to conduct this interview, but I'm simply going to have to ask you to leave, because I have a wedding to attend. My own. RS: Do you think you were able to take such incredible photos of Rufus Humphrey because of how much you were in love with him? Lily: Well, I wasn't in love with him. Um... That much. RS: Thank you for your time. Lily: Mm. (B barely spares Lonelyboy a glance as he enters the Waldorf house.) Blair: Dorota, can you bring the towels upstairs? Nate, coming downstairs: What's taking so long? Dan: Huh. Guess I missed a chapter... (C enters, with a platter of bagels.) Dan: Or ... four. Don't, ah, don't all of you hate each other? Blair: Yes. Nate: Absolutely. Chuck: No. Dan: Well, that's fascinating and ripe for a psychiatrist's case study somewhere but, um, I am looking for Serena. Chuck: She's not here. Dan: I think she is. Blair: No, she just left. You must've crossed paths. Dan: I... I don't believe you. Blair, worried: Fine. I... I didn't want to have to tell you this, but...she doesn't want to see you. Dan: Come on. Really? Blair: Yes. Really. Dan, heading for the stairs: Serena! Nate: She's telling the truth. Dan: Are you really gonna stop me from seeing my girlfriend? (Dan tries to get past them.) Chuck: Whoa, man. Dan: Come on. Serena, on the stairs: What are you doing? Blair: S? Serena: It's okay. (S leads him aside.) Dan, nearly crying: What's happening? Serena: Dan... Dan: Something is going on, and I just want to be let in on what it is. Serena: It's hard to explain... Dan: Well... Why don't I make it easy for you? I know you're keeping something from me, and I'm sick of being the only one you don't talk to about it. Serena: I'm not talking to anyone. Dan: Then what are they doing here, while... While I get a call from a bartender who says you left a bar at two in morning with a bunch of guys? What guys, Serena? Who... Who were they? Serena, mumbling: I don't know. Dan: Did something happen last night? Serena: Please don't... Dan: Is that... Is that what you're so afraid to tell me? That you cheated on me? Did you cheat on me last night? All I need is a yes or a no, did you sleep with someone else? Serena, without looking at him: Yes. Yeah. Dan: I'm done. I'm done. (Lonelyboy gets on the elevator, and "Sarah" calls.) Dan: ...Hey. Georgina: Hey! Did you find Serena? Dan: Yeah, but I ... I, uh, kinda wish I hadn't. Georgina: That doesn't sound so good. I'm just in the park. Wanna meet me? Maybe talk about it. I'm a pretty good listener. Dan? Dan: Yeah. Yeah, I'd, uh... I'd like that. (Lily leaves the Palace with Bart and the wedding planner.) Lily: ...Well I wanted cymbidiums, not hyacinth, and why did we choose fish? It's unseasonably warm. You know, I knew we should've gone with the Limoges instead of the Lenox... Bart: What's the matter? You were fine this morning. Now you're finding fault with everything. Lily: Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm just... I've had three perfect weddings, and I want this one to be more perfect than perfect, that's all. (Lily's phone rings, from the Waldorf house.) Lily: Oh, finally. So why are you still at Blair's? You're supposed to be here. Dorota: Ms. van der Woodsen, it is Dorota. Miss Waldorf's... Lily: -- I know who you are, Dorota, but this is not a very good time. Dorota: Oh, the wedding, I know. Miss Serena is here. Lily: Oh yes, I know. I've heard several times today. Dorota: I know it's not my place, but... Miss Serena is... Like the old days. Lily: What are you trying to say? Dorota: I think you should have worry about your daughter. Worry like before she went away. Lily: Well, um... Thank you, Dorota. I'll take care of it. (She hangs up.) Lily: I am so sorry, but I'm gonna have to go. Bart: Where do you have to go? Lily: To do something I've done too many times before. Bart: Can I help you? Lily: No. Thank you. I'll have to do it alone. Mwah. (Lily searches S's room; she finds the USB drive and G's note.) (S sits on the stairs at B's house.) Serena: ...I can't believe I just did that. Nate: Then why did you? I mean, did you cheat on Dan? Serena: No. I remember last night. I didn't do anything. Blair: Then why would you say that to him? Serena: Because I would rather Dan think I cheated on him than know what I really did. Nate: What you really did? Serena: Dan puts me on a pedestal. If he knew the truth, he would never look at me again. Chuck: You're starting to scare even me. What did you do? Nate: Come on. You can tell us. Blair: We've seen you with vomit in your hair, making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clarke's. You don't have to hide anything from us. Nate: She's right, Serena. I mean, none of us are saints. Blair: Yeah, I had s*x with him in the back of a limo. Chuck: Several times. Nate: I had s*x with you at a wedding while I was her date. Once. Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass. Blair: You can tell us anything. We don't judge. We're the non-judging Breakfast Club. We're your best friends. Anything you do is something we did, too. Serena: If I tell you, it can never leave this room. ACT THREE (Later, in B's sitting room.) Serena: You all know Georgina Sparks. Blair: Some of us better than others. (To Chuck) It's not like you didn't lose your virginity to her in seventh grade. Chuck: Sixth, actually, and I've been avoiding her ever since. The bitch is a psycho. Nate: What about her? Serena: Well, something happened the night of the Shepherd wedding. Blair: I think we're all aware of what happened that night. Serena: No, something else, something I've tried to escape, but Georgina won't let me. And now she's blackmailing me. Nate: Blackmailing you? Chuck: With what exactly? Serena: Well... It started when Blair thought you and I had too much to drink. She told us to go outside, get some air, sober up. (Serena, dancing on the bar in a flashback: "Oh, if the happy couple didn't want to put up the cash for the premium bar, they should've made their wedding BYOB...") Serena, over their hookup: Instead, we went into the empty bar, I opened the bottle of champagne, and we... Well... Blair, cutting into the flashback: We can skip that part, okay? Chuck: Go ahead. I'll fill her in later. Serena: I left in a hurry. I felt so terrible, so guilty for what I had just done. I just... I had to get out of there. (Serena catches a cab in Nate's tuxedo shirt: "Eastview Hotel, please.") Serena: Georgina and I had plans to meet up after, so I headed straight to her. Little did I know she had a surprise waiting for me... (Lily watches the tape on S's laptop.) Georgina, on the tape: "She's gonna lose her mind. A genuine Serena van der Woodsen s*x tape..." Pete: "How are we gonna do this, exactly?" Georgina: "Well, if you put the camera over there, she'll never know." Pete: "Are you sure she's gonna be down for this?" Georgina: "It's Serena, she goes down for anything." (They make out, S enters.) Georgina: "Hey, baby. How are the new Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd?" Serena: I didn't know it at the time, but she was taping me. Lucky for me, I was... I was too stuck on what had just happened to be much fun for anyone. Serena, in video/flashback: "I can't believe I just did that. Blair's my best friend. What... What sort of person does that to her best friend?" Pete: "All right, this is a therapy session, G. You promised a party." Georgina: "So break out the favors!" Pete: "Jing!" Georgina: "Thank you." Serena, running to the bathroom: "Oh. I don't... I don't feel so good..." Georgina: "She always gets frisky after she hurls." (Lily fast-forwards the tape. Pete is mauling Serena.) Serena: "No, Pete. I'm not in the mood, okay?" Pete: "Come on..." Serena: "I'm hot, okay? I'm... I'm too hot." Pete: "Oh, you are too hot." Serena: "No, it's... It's hot. Why is it so hot in here?" (She tugs on the tuxedo shirt and he helps her off with it; she's wearing a camisole underneath. He kisses her neck, and she eventually kisses back. Lily slams the computer closed.) Blair: What is it? Serena: I can't. Blair: Yes. Yes, you can. Serena, crying: I'm scared. Blair: We're right here. Serena, in flashback: "No. You know, I can't. I can't. I can't do this, Pete. Okay? I can't. Um... Yeah, how about, um...how about we do a couple lines first, okay?" Pete: "Whatever, baby." Serena: "Here. Go ahead." (Pete snorts a line, then starts moaning and convulsing.) Serena: "Pete? Pete, are you okay? Pete, what's happening? Are you okay? ...Georgie. Georgie! Georgina!" Georgina, entering: "What? Why are you screaming? What are you doing?" Serena: "I'm calling 911!" Georgina: "You -- You can't! There's drugs everywhere, we could get in so much trouble. We can get arrested. We have to go." Serena: "No! We can't leave him!" Georgina: "We have to. Get everything out that has you on it. Go." Serena: "Oh my God, oh my God. Oh, my God. Where's his phone? Where's his phone?" Georgina: "What are you doing?" Serena: "I'm calling!" 911: "Hello, 911 emergency." Serena: "Hi, uh, we have an emergency, can you send someone right away to the Eastview Hotel? Room, uh, 1411. Please. There's a guy, he's having seizures. I don't know what's wrong." Georgina: "Get off the phone! We have to go!" 911: "Ma'am, I'm gonna need your name and... Hello? Hello, ma'am? Are you there? Serena: So Georgina told me we had to split up. Then she said that people might be looking for us, but I... I couldn't go, I just couldn't. So I waited near the hotel, across the street. All I wanted was to see the paramedics helping Pete. But that's not what I saw. (They carry Pete out on a gurney, in a body bag.) Serena: I didn't know what to do. I... I just knew I had to leave right away. I took a train heading north, and I got a room and convinced my mom that boarding school was a good idea, and... Blair: Never said good-bye. It makes sense now. Nate: But what does she even want from you? Serena: Well, when she came back, I... I told her that I moved on from the lifestyle that she was still in, but she didn't like that. So somehow, she became friends with Dan and ... and Vanessa and called herself "Sarah." Blair: Why don't you just tell Dan about her? Serena: Because she has that tape of me, and she'll use it. It's practically a snuff film. Chuck: We need to find her. Serena: No. Please. Promise me, please. Promise me you won't do anything. Because if you do, then she'll show Dan. ...If he even ever speaks to me again. Gossip Girl: "Watch out, S. Just because you finally tell the truth doesn't mean there won't be consequences." Serena: God, what have I done? ACT FOUR (At the rehearsal dinner for Bart and Lily's wedding. Bart greets guests while Lily discusses things with the wedding planner.) Bart, kissing a guest: Sylvia. How are you? Sylvia: I'm wonderful. Bart: Good to see you again. Sylvia: So good to see you, too. (S enters, with C and B.) Serena: Thanks for coming with me, B. I'm really not feeling up to being social. Blair: Of course. Lily, spotting her: Oh. Excuse me. Chuck: Incoming... Lily, taking her aside: You were supposed to be home hours ago. Come with me. Serena: I'm ... I'm sorry, Mom. And you look beautiful. I hope you don't mind I asked Blair to come tonight... Lily: What happened to you last night? Why didn't you come home? Why was Dan looking for you all morning? And why did I get a call informing me that you were on drugs? Serena: I wasn't on drugs... Lily: Don't lie to me. I saw that little home movie that you and your friends made. Serena: You... You watched that? Lily: Well, only part of it. I stopped when that guy had his tongue down your throat. But I can pretty much guess how it ends. Serena: No, it... It was just a joke! We were kidding, it's not what it looked like... Lily: You know what? You are out of control. I always knew you had a wild side, but how can you look at yourself? What have you become? I thought we were past all of this, Serena. I thought you were doing so well. I have nothing left but to send you to reformatory school. What do you think about that? Blair, as Lily storms off: What's wrong? What happened? (S cries on her shoulder.) (Vanessa gets everything ready for Rufus's show in Queens while he chats with Lisa Loeb.) Vanessa, handing him a guitar: Hey, guys. Sorry to interrupt. Tuned to F#m, and Lisa, Sheckman told me to tell you you're almost up. Lisa Loeb: Okay. Thanks. Rufus: Thanks, Vanessa. Dan, entering: Hey. Rufus: Hey! Dan: This is incredible, Dad! I hope you're sufficiently nervous, because there's like a hundred people out there. Which is 80 more than the last time you played, I think... Rufus: Lisa, this is my sarcastic son Dan and his friend Sarah. Lisa Loeb: Hey. Nice to meet you. Dan: Pleasure. Georgina: Nice to meet you. Lisa Loeb,bouncing: I'll see y'all later. Rufus: Okay. (Turning to Dan) Yeah. Ah, no Serena? Georgina: I'll take good care of him, Mr. Humphrey. Promise. Dan: Jenny's already called me about fifteen times from Mom's to make sure that I call her during "Something Like That" so she can hear you mess up the bridge. So break a leg. I'll be in the front row. Rufus: Okay, okay. (Random girl in the audience spots G, scaring her.) Girl: Hey, Georgina! Georgina... Dan: Uh, I think she thinks she knows you. Georgina: I've never seen her before in my life. Um, let's go get a drink. (B interrupts Lily's conversation at the rehearsal dinner.) Blair: -- Don't send her away. Lily: Blair, it's... It's, uh, not polite to interrupt. Blair: I don't care who hears. Just don't send her away. Lily, taking her aside: Excuse me. Thank you, Blair, but it's not exactly your business what I do with my daughter. If anything, you're one of the reasons I'm having to take such strong actions. Blair: I say this with all due respect, Lily, but you have no idea what your daughter's been going through. She's in a lot of pain, and I don't think the pain's gonna go away if she goes away. Lily: I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Blair: Serena has a secret, and she's been holding on to it for a long, long time. And now it's finally catching up with her. I... I'm out of my league here. I can't do any more than I've done, and it's not enough. She needs you. Lily: I saw the video. She doesn't need me. She needs boundaries. Blair: What you saw isn't the whole story. (N calls V at the show.) Nate: Hey V, it's me. Vanessa: You're not calling to cancel, are you? Because waiting twenty minutes before the concert maybe isn't the best way to let a girl down. Nate: No, I'm calling to let you know I may be ten minutes late because -- drumroll, please -- I'm actually gonna take the subway to the show. Vanessa: Subway, huh? Nate Archibald, man of the people! Nate: Oh, well, thank you. Vanessa: Uh, and your name's on the list, but if you don't see me, just look for Dan and our friend Sarah. They'll know where I am. Nate: Wait, Sarah's there? With Dan? Vanessa: As strange as it may seem, Dan is here. It is his dad's gig. Nate: No, no, no. I'm not talking about Dan. I'm talking about Sarah. Vanessa: Okay, now you're totally weirding me out. Nate: Sarah is not her real name. It's Georgina. Serena just told us this really messed up story about her. Just do not trust anything she says, please. Vanessa: Wh... What are you talking about? Nate: Listen, I'll tell you what I can when I get there, okay? Vanessa: Okay? Nate: Okay. I'll see you soon. (Chuck discreetly hands Lily a slip of paper.) Chuck: Excuse me. Here's the address you asked for. Lily: Thank you, Charles. Um, excuse us... Blair, answering her phone: Hello? Nate: Hey, I only have a second. I'm on my way to Queens. Blair: Ugh. Gross. Why? Nate: To meet Vanessa at a concert. Blair: It got grosser. Nate: We've been hanging out. Not that I owe you any explanation, but I do feel like I should tell you Apparently, Georgina's with her and Dan. Blair: She -- She's there? Nate: Yeah. And you know Serena doesn't want us to do anything, but I just thought you might want to know. Blair: Where are you right now? Nate: Uh ... 74th and Lex. Blair: Don't move. Pick you up in ten. Lily: I have to go handle this thing with Serena. Bart: Now? Lily: Yes, now. Bart: It's our rehearsal dinner. And you're the bride. Lily: I know, but I'm also a mother, and ... that's more important. Blair: So your problems are my problems, let me come and help. Lily: I can't. I, uh... I wish I could explain. Blair: There seems to be a lot lately that you can't explain. Lily, kissing his cheek: I'm sorry. But this is between me and my daughter. (As Lily leaves, C notices B grinning evilly.) Chuck: What's gotten into you? Blair: What if I told you I knew where Georgina Sparks was right now? Chuck: I'd say let's get the bitch. Gossip Girl:"Spotted: Blair and Chuck, reunited to defend Serena's honor. With friends like these, who needs armies?" [SCENE_BREAK] ACT FIVE (Lily and S pull up outside a strange house.) Serena: So where are we? Lily: It's the Fairman's house. This is where the boy who died grew up, and his parents are expecting you. Serena: Mom, I can't go in there. Lily: Sweetie... If I've learned anything in life, it is that sometimes things get in your path, and you have a choice. You can either smash right into them, or you can adjust and move around, but you have to do one or the other in order to move forward. Serena: How can I do this? Lily: I'm gonna be right by your side. (G runs into V as Lisa Loeb takes the stage.) MC: Ladies and gentlemen, how about a round of applause for Lisa Loeb? Lisa Loeb: Hey, everyone. How you doing? I'm Lisa Loeb, and I'm your host for tonight, and I am so happy you're all here. Thanks so much for coming. Georgina: Hey, V. I didn't realize you'd be able to hang during the concert. Vanessa: Do you have something you want to say to me? Georgina: Not that I know of... Vanessa: You sure about that, Georgina? My friend says Serena told him some story about you, and he's on his way to fill me in. Unless you want to do that first? Georgina: I don't know what you're talking about. Vanessa: I'm not a big fan of liars, and neither is Dan. I'm giving you a chance to explain yourself here. Dan, as G stomps off: Where's Sarah going? Vanessa: I don't know who she is. Nate just called me and said her name is Georgina. Dan: That's what that girl... That's what that girl back there called her. Why would she lie about her name? Vanessa: I think there's some other stuff, too... Roadie: Vanessa, Rufus can't find the set list. Do you know where it is? Vanessa: I taped it into the top of his Gibson case, uh... I'll get it. This will just take two minutes, just don't go anywhere. Stay right here. I'll be right back. (Dan immediately wanders away.) (Lily and S leave the Fairman house.) Lily: You okay? Serena: No. No, I feel terrible, Mom. Lily: Oh, you heard what they said. Look, Peter was an addict for ten years. His own parents couldn't get him to stop using, there's no way that a sixteen-year-old girl could have. They don't hold you responsible. You don't need to blame yourself... Serena: -- But I am responsible, Mom. I'm the one that gave him the line that killed him. Lily: Serena, those were his drugs, okay? If you hadn't given them to him, he would have taken them himself. Serena: Then why do I still feel like this? Lily: Because contrary to what I might have said earlier, you are a good person who, since that night, has been living your life with care and compassion and respect for yourself and for others. I'm sorry I doubted you. Serena, hugging her: Thank you. There's something else i have to do. Will you help me? Lily: Absolutely. Serena: Take me to see Dan. (Lisa Loeb sings "Stay" while G lies some more.) Dan: Okay, so your name is really Georgina. Well, I don't understand why you felt like you had to lie to us. Georgina: Because... My boyfriend -- well, my ex-boyfriend -- when we broke up, he wasn't too happy about it, and things got out of control. Dan: Okay, well, what happened? Georgina: I came home one day, and... My car was broken into, and then a week later, my room was trashed, and I got really scared. I changed all my numbers, I moved in with a friend, and yet he still tracked me down. It was my Mom's idea to change my name and move out of town. I hate being away from my family, but... It's better than getting hurt, right? Dan: Yeah, right. Georgina: I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just... I wasn't supposed to tell anybody. Dan: No, no, no. No. No. I get that. I get it. Georgina: And I also didn't want you to think less of me, because I haven't wanted to admit it, but, um... From the moment that I met you, I've been falling for you. Oh my God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't... I don't know what I'm saying... Dan, over the cheers for Lisa Loeb: You know, um, you know, it's really loud here. Do you wanna go somewhere else, someplace quiet we can talk? Georgina: But your Dad's about to go on... Dan, leading her away: He'll understand. It's not like we won't be watching this on YouTube for the next five years. ACT SIX (Rufus sings a catchy song whose lyrics are one line -- "Everytime you walk away or run away you take a piece of me with you there" -- over and over, approximately a million times. N, C and Queen B enter the show.) Vanessa, spotting Nate: Hmm. Some date we've got here. You even brought your friends... The ones I can't stand. Blair: Where's Georgina? Nate: What are you gonna do? You heard what Serena said. Chuck: Yeah, like we care. Vanessa: Georgina left. Blair: Left for where? Vanessa: I don't know, she just took off. If I could only find Dan... He's around here somewhere... Nate: Well, let's go look for him. Alone. (They leave; S enters and she and B spot each other.) Blair: Hey, what are you doing here? Serena: Hey, what are you doing here? Blair: I... I'm a big Leaky Hawk fan? Serena: ...I'm looking for Dan and Georgina. Chuck: You're out of luck. Georgina's gone. Serena: And Dan? Chuck: I'm out of luck. He's still around. Serena, smiling and holding B's hands: It's all over now. I can finally tell Dan everything. Will you help me find him? (They leave Chuck alone; Lily dials Bart but hangs up when she hears Rufus singing that song over and over. She watches him sing and he smiles at her. She leaves while he's still playing, and he ends the song.) Lisa Loeb: All right. Everybody, that was Lincoln Hawk. Let's hear it! Let's hear an encore from Rufus and the band. The... Rufus, pushing past her and running away: Excuse me... (Outside, he stands between Lily and her car.) Lily: Get out of my way, Rufus. Rufus: No. Lily: Get out of my way. Rufus: No. (Lily finally kisses him.) (B and C are following S into the stands when B's phone rings: HUMPHREY CALLING.) Blair, passing her the phone: Hey, psst. I think it's for you. Serena: Hey! Thank God you called, I'm here looking for you right now. Where are you? Georgina: With me. Serena: Georgina? Georgina: I hear you told our little secret. If that's the way you wanna play it, that's how we'll play it. Serena: No, I'm not afraid of you anymore. Georgina: Oh? You should be. 'Cause all bets are off. Serena: Why? What are you gonna do? Georgina: It's not what I'm gonna do, sweetie. It's who I'm gonna do it with... Serena: No. I know Dan. He's too good. Georgina, hanging up: You sure about that? Dan, with coffee: How did everything go with your Mom? Georgina, tossing his phone's battery: Good. Yeah. She was glad I finally found someone I could trust. Um... Are you sure that you don't mind missing the after party to have coffee with me? Dan: You know what? After the day I've had, there's no place I'd rather be. (She kisses him, and he kisses her back, while at the show, Serena stares into space.) Gossip Girl: "If I were you, S, I'd be worried. In the city that never sleeps, a lot can happen in one night..." (Dan leads her away.) Gossip Girl: "Sweet dreams, Serena. XOXO, Gossip Girl."
Plan: A: Manhattan; Q: Where did Serena leave for boarding school? A: her old habits; Q: What does Serena fall back into after Georgina reveals the reason she fled Manhattan? A: their friend; Q: Who do Blair, Nate and Chuck put their feelings for each other aside to help? A: the truth; Q: What is Serena too ashamed to share with Dan? A: his girlfriend; Q: What does Dan assume the worst about? A: Rufus; Q: Who is thrilled when his band is invited to perform at a Rolling Stone sponsored concert? A: Lily; Q: Who is the last person Rufus expects to see at a Rolling Stone sponsored concert? A: her wedding rehearsal dinner; Q: What event is Lily attending the same night as Rufus' concert? Summary: As a result of Georgina revealing the true reason that Serena fled Manhattan for boarding school, Serena falls back into her old habits and Blair, Nate and Chuck must put their complicated feelings for each other aside to help their friend. Unfortunately, Serena is too ashamed to share the truth with Dan, leaving him only to assume the worst about his girlfriend. Rufus is thrilled when his band is invited to perform at a Rolling Stone-sponsored concert, but Lily is the last person on earth he expects to see at the performance, especially since her wedding rehearsal dinner is the same night.
AT THE RIVER COURT Quentin : You need to quit that weak-ass fade away. Huh? You want some cuddling? Is that what you want? Go home. Crawl back in bed with your wife. That's weak, Nate. The road to the NBA goes through me, boy. Come on! The hardest part of saying goodbye is having to do it again every single day. Quentin : Well, well. The prodigal coach returns. Every day, we face the same truth that life is fleeting. Quentin : it's cool, coach Taylor. I'll talk to you tomorrow. That our time here is short ... and to honor the fallen. We must live our own lives well. AT THE CEMETERY Jamie : What does it say, mama? Haley : "You will soar on wings like eagles. You will run and not grow weary." Jamie : Do you think there's basketball in heaven? Haley : I know there is. Jamie : How long has it been? Haley : Eight days. Jamie : I miss him. Haley : Come on. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Deb : Good morning, honey. At least you're making noise. Maybe next week I'll get a "hello. Nathan : Mom, you told me you were screwing one of my friends at a funeral. I figured that meant you didn't really want to talk. Deb : Okay. I should have told you about my relationship with Antwon before, but we've got to find a way to deal with this, honey. How can I live here if you're not gonna talk to me? Nathan : I was thinking the same thing. I thought I could get used to it. I haven't. And I can't. Deb : You're kicking me out? Nathan : Say hi to Antwon for me. AT THE CEMETERY Jamie : Mama! It's grandpa Dan. He's dead! Haley : No, buddy, he's not. This is not what it looks like. Jamie : But you and daddy said the people in the cemetery are in heaven, like Quentin. Haley : Right, but, uh, some people like to buy their headstones before they die ... like way before. Um, like the backpack that we got you the week before school started. It's like that. Grandpa Dan's just. being prepared. Jamie : To die in a week? Haley : No. He's ... he's alive. Grandpa Dan is alive, I promise. Jamie : Then can we go see him? AT PEYTON'S STUDIO Peyton : Is that Man : Yeah. Mick wolf. Peyton : Are you serious? What is he doing here? Man : Recording, I guess. Peyton : Hi. Mick : Uh, I hope you don't mind. You know, I see an empty studio and a guitar going to waste. It's just an old habit. Peyton : No, no, it's cool. Um, actually, it's an honor. I'm a huge fan. I even have a couple of albums you played on up on the wall in my office. Mick : Well, I'm the one who's honored. Peyton : Mick Wolf. You're not supposed to be in my town, let alone my recording studio. So, why are you here? AT THE PSY Brooke : My store was robbed, and I was attacked. The Psy : I see. Victims of violence often find it helpful to talk through the experience in therapy. It helps them make sense of a random act. Brooke : This wasn't random. Nothing my mother does is random. AT THE PARC Carrie : So, which one's yours? Deb : Uh mine's not here today. Carrie : Right. I think I've seen you with him before ... the little blond-hair red, blue-eyed cutie. Deb : Actually, I'm his, uh ... I'm his Nanny. A least I was until I got fired. Carrie : Been there. Believe me. People don't realize how immensely important it is to be a Nanny. And they never appreciate true devotion. It's enough to drive you crazy. Deb : Well, in my case, my son didn't appreciate who I was sleeping with. Carrie : Yeah, they get so touchy about that stuff. The heart wants what it wants. Yeah. Carrie : But then again, if it were me. I would do whatever it takes to stay n that little boy's life. AT THE PSY The Psy : Was there a history of abuse in your family? Growing up, I mean. Brooke : Not unless you consider a high credit-card limit and no supervision abuse. The Psy : Yet you think your mother attacked you. Brooke : I don't think Victoria did it personally. I think she hired some flying monkey to do her dirty work. It must be hard for you to believe. The Psy : What matters is that you believe it. Brooke : See, she knew that I had just finished those sketches for my fall line, she knew I was keeping them at the store, and she knew that if I showed up to my board meeting without them, I would look incompetent. And that's all she needs to convince the board to give her control of my company. It sounds Shakespearean. You probably think I'm crazy. The Psy : No, I don't. I think we have a lot to talk about. Brooke : How should I start, at the beginning or just from when I fired her? AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Lucas : You fired your mom? Nathan : It'll be fine. I can pick up the slack. Besides, Nanny Deb was awol most of the time, anyway. Lucas : Yeah. You know, it's funny. All these years, we called him "skills. " I always thought it had something to do with basketball. Nathan : That's not funny. Lucas : Kind of funny. Come on, Nate. I ... Andy wasn't much older than me when he started dating my mom, and, I mean, look how well that turned out. Nathan : Well, Andy wasn't one of your classmates or your supposed friends, and he wasn't seeing Karen behind your back. Lucas You got to get over this by tomorrow night's game. Nathan : Oh, I will, but I'll do it for Q Not for skills. I'm really up set with that guy. Lucas : I know you are, but the team needs you and so will Jamie. And the way I see it, skills will be a better father than Dan ever was. AT THE BEACH HOUSE Jamie : This is where grandpa Dan lives? Haley : Yeah, not bad, huh? Jamie : I think you should let him baby-sit. How come grandpa isn't picking up his papers? Haley : I don't know, buddy. Jamie : Maybe he doesn't like what's in it. Haley : Yeah, you're probably right. I don't think he's home, bud. Hey, will you waiting the car for me? Jamie : But I want to see grandpa Dan. Haley : I know, buddy. I just need a second. Jamie : Okay. Haley : Okay. Okay Dan, please don't be rotting on the floor. AT SKILLS'S HOUSE Deb : Hi. Skills : Hey. There's my baby girl. So, what do you say we go out tonight? I mean, after all the sneaking around, I just want to be able to show my girl off. Deb : Antwon. Skills : hmm? Deb : Nathan kicked me out of the house. Skills : Wow. I knew Nate was mad, but that's messed up. Look, I'm sorry. Why don't you just stay here for a while? Mouth's gone. Plus, you've been here like every night, anyway. Deb : It's not that easy. I've worked really hard to get back into my son's life and Jamie's. I can't compromise that now. Skills : Uh-oh. I don't like where this is heading. Deb : I think we have to face facts. I mean, even if Nathan somehow got over this, what would your parents say? Skills : Well, my last serious girlfriend was Bevin. So I'm sure they'll say this is a step up. Deb : I'm almost 20 years older than you. Skills : Yeah, but you're only as old as you feel. And you feel just right to me. Deb : You're so sweet. And I really like you. But I'm sorry. For the sake of my family, I think we have to end this. AT PEYTON'S STUDIO Peyton : You ever look back on all of it and just feel really fortunate to have been a part of it? Mick : Yeah, I suppose so. It's just I don't look back that much. Peyton : God, you were right there! I mean, you were at the center of everything and making history and giving us something to believe in. Didn't rolling stone call you "the reluctant conscience of rock"? Mick : Yeah. Rolling stone also called mea cult favorite, which is their way of saying you don't sell any records. Peyton : Is that why you stopped recording? I mean, your own stuff. Mick : No. I stopped recording my own stuff 'cause I didn't feel like I had anything left worth saying. You know, session work pays pretty good. You work a couple of weeks out of the month. The rest of the time is your own. Peyton : Yeah? How about you let me fill up some of that free time with lunch? I know a really good place down by the water, and I kind of have a lot of questions. What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost. Mick : I feel like I have. That's your mom's jacket. You look just like her. Peyton : Well, Mia told me she met someone on tour who knew Ellie, but how could she not say it was Mick wolf? Mick : Mia's a good kid. She's a good singer, but she's way too young to know who the hell I am. Peyton : How'd you know who I was? Mick : When your mom got sick, it hit all of us hard --everyone who knew her. Somewhere along the line, someone gave me that benefit CD you made, and read what you said about her in the liner notes, which was which was beautiful. So I guess you could say I'm a fan of yours, too. Peyton : Did you know my dad? Mick : No. I don't think anyone really knew your dad. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : Hi. I'm looking for Dr.Thornton. It's about Dan Scott, my, uh. My father-in-law. And I was wondering if you could just have the doctor call me. Okay. Thank you. Hey, skills. Are you okay? Skills : Nate ain't here, is he? Haley : No, you're safe. But you look, uh, not so great. Skills : Deb broke up with me. Haley : Well, I guess you can tussle with a cougar, but you're gonna get bit. Skills : Why everybody think it's a big joke? Haley : Deb's just done a lot of wacky things in her life. We never thought you'd be one of them. Skills : Look, I know it sounds crazy, but I really have feelings for her. Haley : Really? Well, all right. Well, let's, uh. let's be realistic about this. How many good years do you think Deb has left? Skills : Fine, laugh all you want. I just thought maybe you could talk to Nate for me. Haley : Oh, no. I don't want to get in the middle of this. No, thank you. Skills : Come on, Haley. You know we always had each other's backs. Haley : I'll see what I can do. Maybe you should just man up and talk to Nathan yourself. AT THE PSY The Psy : I notice you call your mother Victoria. Brooke : She insisted after we went into business together. The Psy : Why did you go into business with her? Brooke : I don't know. Maybe I wanted her to love me. The Psy : Is that something you still want? Brooke : I bought a gun. The Psy : That's not uncommon for attack victims. It gives them a feeling of control. Unless you're having thoughts of hurting your mother. Brooke : No. I mean, I'm not crazy. But it occurs to me that. It wouldn't bother me if she were dead. And that can't be healthy, right? To feel like if your mother was dead, you wouldn't miss her, that you might be better for it. And I just don't know how it got to this. The Psy : Maybe you should ask your mother that question. AT TREE HILL HIGH SCOOL Haley : Antwon came to see me today, and he said that Deb broke up with him. He's pretty upset. Nathan : Good. He shouldn't have been sleeping with my mom. Haley : Said the an who slept with my sister. I remember the first time I saw you. I was sitting at the geek table, and you were sitting over thereat the jock table, and if we had played by the rules of high school, we wouldn't be sitting here at this table. Nathan : Okay, all right, I get it. You and I weren't the most conventional couple, either. Are you ever gonna stop trying to make me into a better personal Haley : it's not likely. Speaking of exiled parents, did you know that Dan already has a headstone at the cemetery? It makes Keith's stone look tiny by comparison. Nathan : Leave it to Dan Scott to get into a pissing contest with Keith even after he's dead. Haley : Yeah, well, Jamie saw it, and he freaked out and insisted on seeing Dan. I didn't know what else to do. I ... I took him over to the beach house. Nathan : Haley ... Haley : I'm sorry. Dan wasn't home, though. In fact, it looked like he hadn't been home in a few days. When was the last time you saw him? Nathan : I don't know. A few weeks ago? He's playing mind games again. I basically told him to go off and die. Haley : Well, I'm worried about Jamie. He's ... he's still trying to get over the death of Quentin, and now Dan's disappeared. I know we didn't want him around, but Jamie did. It feels kind of selfish. Nathan : Well, remember who we're talking about. Haley : Yeah. AT QUENTIN'S HOUSE Lucas : Hey, Andre. How have you been? Andre : So-so. Lucas : Yeah? Have you been playing basketball? Andre : A little. Do you think I could be a raven someday? Mama says I'm gonna be as tall as Quentin. At least 9 feet. Lucas : Well, I bet you will. Why don't you come see me in about 10 years, all right? Quentin Mum : A little early to be recruiting, isn't it? Hi, coach. AT TREE HILL HIGH SCOOL Sam : Why don't you come on in? Haley : Get off me! Enough! okay? I'm gonna see every one of you in detention. Hold on. Hey, are you okay? Congratulations on your first tree hill catfight. I've had a few in my day. Sam : Spare me the female bonding, okay? I may be new, but I've heard all about Mrs. James-Scott, a cheerleader who dated the star of the basketball team. That is, when you weren't on a rock tour. Your life must have been really tough. So just don't pretend like you know anything about my problems, okay? See you in detention, Hannah Montana. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Haley : Hey, I found your shoplifter. Brooke : I knew it. That little street urchin does go to tree hill high. Haley : Thank you. She's just a messed-up kid. Brooke : She's a messed-up kid taking growth hormones. She knocked me flat on my ass. Haley : She just transferred here. I think she was probably just looking for a way to impress kids with some new clothes, you know? Brooke : I'll give her points for having good taste. Vic Just try and keep her away from my store. Haley : Hey! James Lucas Scott, step away from the mannequin before I come over there and pluck out your eye alls. Did I just sound like a total bitch? Brooke : Yes. And you also sounded like a mom ... a good one. Haley : Oh, he usually makes it so easy. Brooke : Hmm. And what happens when he doesn't? Haley : He's still the most loved kid in the world. okay? Brooke : Yeah. I just wish I had had a family like yours. Jamie : You do. You're aunt Brooke. AT PEYTON'S STUDIO Mick : You okay? Peyton : Yeah. Yeah. I just -- you know, Ellie never really told me a lot about my father. And I guess she didn't want me to know much. I don't know. And so I was just hoping you could ... I don't know. Mick : I knew him a little. Um. Ellie loved him. And he loved her right back. And their romance was one of the all-time greats. Which meant it was messy. But, uh. we should all be that lucky, right? To be so passionate about someone. Peyton : Yeah. Oh, oh, which reminds me. Um, god, my fiancés gonna kill me if I let you leave town without meeting him. You don't like basketball by any chance, do you? Mick : Bobcats? Peyton : Ravens. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Jamie : Microwave soup? Nathan : What's the problem? Jamie : Nanny Deb always makes me sliders on game days. Nathan : Oh, she does, huh? Jamie : With two pickles for good luck. Nathan : Well, daddy Nathan makes you soup. Jamie : When is she coming back? Nathan : I don't know, buddy. Jamie : Is it because she was kissing uncle skills? Nathan : You knew about that? Jamie : Yeah. They tried to pretend he was getting something out of her eye, but they were just being all mushy. Nathan : Yeah. And how does it feel to be scarred for life? Jamie : Fine. I like Nanny Deb. I like uncle skills. So what if they like each other? Nathan : It's a little more complicated than that. Your Nanny Deb is also my mom. Jamie : Yeah. But I let you kiss my mom. Nathan : Eat your soup. AT TREE HILL HIGH SCOOL Haley : As you all know, tonight's basketball game is dedicated to Quentin, and I think it would be great if you could all be there, so no homework. But don't worry. We'll make it up next week, though. I promise. Sam. Stick around. I want to talk to you. Um. I read your paper that you wrote on Quentin. It was very good, and I think you should spend some more time writing and maybe a little less time shoplifting. Sam : I don't know what you're talking about. Haley : Relax. One of my best friends, Brooke, owns clothes over bros, and she's not gonna press charges. Actually, she sent you a gift. Sam : You know, I'm not homeless, okay? Tell your friend I don't need her charity. Haley : Sam. I don't know what you're going through. I don't know anything about your life. But if you want to talk, I am here to listen. Great. AT THE GYMNASIUM Lucas : Why don't you guys head to the locker room? Come on. We got a game tonight. Skills : Hey, Nate, can we talk? Jamie : Hey, grandpa. Nathan : Look, I'm here to support the team, skills. I don't really have anything to say to you. Skills : Then don't. Just listen. I know me and Deb together sounds like some freaky p0rn thing, and maybe it started that way. Nathan : This isn't helping. Skills : But the thing is. Your mom makes me happy. And I think I make her happy, too. Nathan : I can't believe we're even having this conversation. Skills : Look, neither one of us wants to do anything that's gonna mess things up for you. Nathan : It's a little late for that. Skills : Okay, you're right. I should have told you about everything from the beginning. But I really care for her, Nate. Look, I'll just leave the ball in your court. Lucas : All right, look, I know you don't feel much like playing basketball tonight. And I get it. When I was in high school, someone close to me was taken away. And I ... I couldn't understand how a game could matter anymore. But my coach was a wise man, and he told me that basketball was more than just a game. That it had the power to heal me if I let it. He was right. Now there's someone else I'd like you to hear from. Quentin Mum : Hi, guys. This last week has been hard on all of us. But what gets me through is trying to remember the happy times with Quentin. And lord knows that boy was never happier than when he was holding a basketball. Now, coach says that, um, some of you might be feeling a little guilty about playing tonight. Well, let me tell you one thing that I know. Quentin would want you to play tonight. Play your hearts out. And if you don't. Well, Andre here ... I think he's gonna go out and play for you. Right, baby? And one more thing. Don't feel like you're moving on without Quentin because he's gonna be with you on that court. I'm sure of that. Lucas : So am I. And he's gonna be right here right by your heart. So. Who wants to carry him out on to that court? Lucas : Every day, we face the same truth, that our time here is short. And to honor the fallen, we must live our own lives well. We must take the high road when we can and allow our common loss to bring us together. I think that's the way Q. Would have wanted it. And while tonight we miss our fallen teammate. Friend. Loved one. We commemorate him for all time. No raven will ever wear the number 44 again. And for as long as this gym stands, Quentin Fields will be here with us. No one can take his place on this team. And no one. Can take his place in our hearts. Moment silence for Number 44, Quentin fields. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Carrie : Hi, Chester. Long time, no see. I just need a few of Jamie's things for our little road trip, just enough to make him comfortable. These people are so lost without me. It's a good thing you can't talk, Chester. Otherwise, you'd be my dinner tonight. Mmm. Tasty. AT VICTORIA'S HOUSE Brooke : Hello, Victoria. Victoria : What are you doing in New York? AT TH GYMNASIUM Quentin Mum : Come on, Ravens! Come on, now! Skills : This might be the greatest loss I'll ever see. Lucas : Well, sometimes it's not about winning. Sometimes it's about healing. AT VICTORIA'S HOUSE Brooke : Now's your chance. The gun's loaded. Just aim low. I'd like to look good at my funeral. Victoria : What is the matter with you? What ... what happened to your eyes? Brooke : As if you don't already know. Victoria : All I know is that my daughter shows up at my doorstep with a gun. Brooke : All I know is my mother had me attacked in my store. Victoria : Oh, my god. Brooke. Brooke : Are you saying it wasn't you? Victoria : Did you go to the police? Does anyone else know about this? Brooke : Don't worry. You've trained me very well. I put the company first. Victoria : It's just the publicity. Brooke : This from the woman who said she could spin it favorably if I had a drug problem. I want you to answer my question. Victoria : You want an answer? Here's one. I would never physically harm you. Brooke : Well, maybe you didn't mean to. It was late. You thought Millicent would be there. You hate her. Victoria : You are so paranoid --and wrong. Brooke : Someone died last week. And I wasn't close to him, but my friends were, and yet, in the midst of all their grief, I felt nothing. I just felt cold. And I realized I'm turning into the one person I do not want to become. I'm turning into you. Victoria : What do you want me to say, Brooke? That I was a failure as a mother? You got everything you wanted. Brooke : Except your love. Victoria : When I was your age, I dreamed of having a clothing line ,of having a business. Of all the things you have. But I stupidly fell in love. And one morning, your father and I got a little surprise. I told him I didn't want kids. It was never the plan. But he wanted a son more than anything. And as soon as I got fat, he had an excuse to jump into any bed he wanted. And when we had our little baby girl, I made sure I would never be pregnant again. If I couldn't have my dream, your father couldn't have his, either. I probably took it out on you a little too much along the way, but you know what? You should be thanking me for giving you life. Do you understand that? Brooke : I do thank you. Because now I know it wasn't my fault. It was never my fault. I'm calling the lawyers tomorrow, and I'm divesting my interests in clothes over bros ... the magazine, the line. You can have everything. Congratulations, victories. Now you have a company and no daughter. You got your dream. AT THE GYMNASIUM Lucas : Years from now, the record books will show that. The ravens lost to the wildcats on this night. But here's something that those records won't show, something that. No one in that gym will ever forget. That the four-man ravens made the wildcats fight and scratch and claw for every single second of that win. And in doing so, they showed that a team will always be more important than statistics. When your grandkids ask you about this game, you tell them that you played hard for Quentin fields. That you stood tall. And you did it to honor your friend. You should be proud of yourselves, men. I know I'm proud of you. Player : Coach. We want to play with four the rest of the season. Lucas : That's gonna be hard on all of you. Player : We want to do it for Q. He's our fifth. Lucas : It's been an honor coaching you guys. Peyton : So, are you sure you don't want to stay and meet Lucas? Mick : Another time. I think I'm gonna stay around for a little while, do some recording. Peyton : Oh. It just so happens I have an empty studio. Mick : Really? Peyton : I thought you said you didn't have anything left worth saying. Mick : Maybe one more thing. Peyton : Okay, Mick. When Mia said that there was somebody asking about me who knew Ellie. I thought maybe. you were my father. Mick : That would be something, wouldn't it? I'll see you later. IN NEW YORK Taxi driver : Where to? Brooke : The airport. I'm going home to my family. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Carrie : See you soon, baby. AT THE GYMNASIUM Nathan : Mom. I want you to move back in. Jamie's been through a lot lately. He needs his Nanny deb. Deb : Thank you. Nathan : He really makes you happy? Deb : He does. But you've had to sacrifice so much for me over the years, Nathan. Nathan : I just don't want to see it. Okay, I don't want to hear about it. But whatever you want. Deb : Hey. Haley : Hello? Yeah, this is Haley. Really? Uh, okay. Yeah. Thank you for calling. You too. Nathan : What's wrong? Haley : Uh. That was Dan's doctor. Apparently, they had a heart for him and he never answered their call. Nathan : Then he really has gone off to die. AT THE RIVER COURT Skills : Hey, Nate. I know Q. was working with you to get your game back. What were you working on? Nathan : He always said I couldn't go left. Skills : So maybe that's where we start.
Plan: A: Lucas; Q: Who struggles to inspire the Ravens? A: Haley; Q: Who investigates the disappearance of Dan? A: Brooke; Q: Who confronts an old demon from her past? A: Nathan; Q: Who comes to terms with Deb's relationship with Skills? A: Peyton; Q: Who is surprised when a famous musician visits her studio? A: The episode; Q: What is named after the song by Simon and Garfunkel? Summary: Lucas struggles to inspire the Ravens, while Haley investigates the disappearance of Dan. Brooke confronts an old demon from her past, as Nathan comes to terms with Deb's relationship with Skills. Peyton is surprised when a famous musician visits her studio. The episode is named after the song by Simon and Garfunkel from the album of the same name .
Originally written by Michael Curtis and Greg Malins Trascribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips With Minor Adjustments by: Eric Aasen CHANDLER: Hey. MONICA: So how was Joan? CHANDLER: I broke up with her. CHANDLER: They were huge. When she sneezed, bats flew out of them. RACHEL: Come on, they were not that huge. CHANDLER: I'm tellin' you, she leaned back, I could see her brain. MONICA: How many perfectly fine women are you gonna reject over the most superficial insignificant things? JOEY: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Chandler on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It made me nuts. CHANDLER: You or me? ROSS: I got it. Uh, Joey, women don't have Adam's apples. JOEY: You guys are messin' with me, right? ALL: Yeah. JOEY: That was a good one. For a second there, I was like, "whoa." PHOEBE: You name one woman that you broke up with for a real reason. CHANDLER: Maureen Rosilla. ROSS: Not hating Yanni is not a real reason. (knock) MONICA: Hello, Mr. Heckles. MR. HECKLES: You're doing it again. MONICA: We're not doing anything. MR. HECKLES: You're stomping. It's disturbing my birds. RACHEL: You don't have birds. MR. HECKLES: I could have birds. MONICA: Ok, Mr. Heckles, we'll try to keep it down. MR. HECKLES: Thank you. I'm going to rejoin my dinner party. RACHEL: All right, bye-bye. CHANDLER: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky. ROSS: We'll give you Janice. PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. "Hello, Chandler Bing." RACHEL: "Oh, my, god." JOEY: "Oh, Chandler, now, now, that's it. There, faster!" MONICA: Stop with the broom, we're not making noise. RACHEL: We won. We won! MONICA: Mr. Heckles. RACHEL: How did this happen? MR. TREEGER: He musta been sweepin'. They found a broom in his hand. MONICA: That's terrible. MR. TREEGER: I know. I was sweepin' yesterday. It coulda been me.ROSS: Sure, sweepin'. You never know. MR. TREEGER: You never know. PHOEBE: Ok, it's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building. Go into the light, Mr. Heckles! CHANDLER: Ok, Phoebe. PHOEBE: I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help. That's fine. Go ahead and scoff. You know, there're a lot of things that I don't believe in, but that doesn't mean they're not true. JOEY: Such as? PHOEBE: Like crop circles, or the Bermuda triangle, or evolution? ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you don't, uh, you don't believe in evolution? PHOEBE: Nah. Not really. ROSS: You don't believe in evolution? PHOEBE: I don't know, it's just, you know...monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a, it's a nice story, I just think it's a little too easy. ROSS: Too easy? Too...The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms, too easy? PHOEBE: Yeah, I just don't buy it. ROSS: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity. PHOEBE: Ok, don't get me started on gravity. ROSS: You uh, you don't believe in gravity? PHOEBE: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed. (knock) CHANDLER: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed. MR. TREEGER: There she is. And over there, that's the other one. This is Mr. Buddy Boyle, Mr. Heckles' attorney. He'd like to talk to you. MONICA: What can we do for you? MR. BOYLE: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine". MONICA: Well, what about his family? MR. BOYLE: He didn't have any. RACHEL: Ok, so let's talk money. MR. BOYLE: All right, there was none. Let's talk signing. You be noisy girl number one, you be noisy girl number two. MONICA: I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, without even knowing it?...Would you look at this dump? He hated us. This is his final revenge! RACHEL: Have you ever seen so much crap? CHANDLER: Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap JOEY: Check this out. Can I have this? ROSS: How can you not believe in evolution? PHOEBE: Just don't. Look at this funky shirt! ROSS: Pheebs, I have studied evolution my entire adult life. Ok, I can tell you, we have collected fossils from all over the world that actually show the evolution of different species, ok? You can literally see them evolving through time. PHOEBE: Really? You can actually see it? ROSS: You bet. In the U.S., China, Africa, all over. PHOEBE: See, I didn't know that. ROSS: Well, there you go. PHOEBE: Huh. So now, the real question is, who put those fossils there, and why? CHANDLER: Hey, look at this. "My Big Book of Grievances." JOEY: Hey, there's me! April 17th. Excessive noise. Italian guy comes homes with a date. Hey Chandler, look, you're in here too. CHANDLER: April 18th, excessive noise. Italian guy's gay roommate comes home with the dry-cleaning. Well that's excellent. RACHEL: Monica, Monica, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this. MONICA: Rache, I think we have enough regular lamps. RACHEL: What? Come on, it's not like I'm asking for this girly clock or anything, which, by the way, I also think is very cool. MONICA: It doesn't go with any of my stuff. RACHEL: Well, what about my stuff? MONICA: You don't have any stuff. RACHEL: You still think of it as your apartment, don't you? MONICA: No. RACHEL: Yes you do. You think of it as your apartment, and I'm just somebody who rents a room. MONICA: Mmmmm. RACHEL: Ok, while you "mmm" on it for awhile, I'm gonna go find a place for my new lamp. ROSS: Ok, Pheebs. See how I'm making these little toys move? Opposable thumbs. Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs? PHOEBE: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts. ROSS: Please tell me you're joking. PHOEBE: Look, can't we just say that you believe in something, and I don't. ROSS: No, no, Pheebs, we can't, ok, because-- PHOEBE: What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? I think, I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope. ROSS: Is there blood coming out of my ears? JOEY: Check it out, check it out. Heckles' high school yearbook. CHANDLER: Wow, he looks so normal. PHOEBE: He's even kind of cute. JOEY: "Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school. CHANDLER: Funniest? Heckles? JOEY: That's what it says. CHANDLER: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I. He was right. Would you listen to that? PHOEBE: I'd call that excessive. CHANDLER: Whoa! JOEY: What? CHANDLER: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler's club, and I was, well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool. JOEY: So, you were both dorks. Big deal. CHANDLER: I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me, Heckles, and me, me and Heckles...Would you knock it off? JOEY: Have you been here all night? CHANDLER: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. Vivian, too tall. Madge, big gums. Too loud, too smart, makes noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did. JOEY: Chandler, Heckles was a nut case. CHANDLER: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction. JOEY: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get you outta here. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go. CHANDLER: What if I never find someone? Or worse, what if I've found her, but I dumped her because she pronounced it "supposably"? JOEY: Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody. CHANDLER: How do you know that? How? JOEY: I don't know, I'm just tryin' to help you out. CHANDLER: You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and get married, and I'm gonna end up alone. Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays? JOEY: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna be doin'. I mean, what if we're at her folks' place? CHANDLER: Yeah, I understand. JOEY: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right? CHANDLER: You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this. I'll see you man. JOEY: Supposably. Supposably. Did they go to the zoo? Supposably. CHANDLER: (on phone) Hi, it's me. JANICE: Oh, my, god. PHOEBE: Janice? You called Janice? CHANDLER: Yes, Janice. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend? ROSS: You remember Janice, right? CHANDLER: Yes. She was smart, she was pretty, and she honestly cared about me. Janice is my last chance to have somebody. JANICE: Helloo!! CHANDLER: Oh, my, god! JOEY: Geez, look how fat she got. JANICE: Hey, it's everybody. CHANDLER: Janice, you're-- JANICE: Yes, I am. CHANDLER: Is it--? JANICE: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Chandler Bing. You are looking at a married lady now. CHANDLER: Congratulations. JANICE: Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. CHANDLER: You couldn't have told me about this on the phone? JANICE: And what? Missed the expression on your face? Janice likes to have her fun. [SCENE_BREAK] MONICA: Hey, Rache. You know what we haven't played in a while? RACHEL: What? MONICA: Hide the Lamp. RACHEL: Monica, let it go. MONICA: Did you know I was allergic to shellfish? RACHEL: Well, then, you'll just have to eat the other lamps. PHOEBE: Uh-oh. It's Scary Scientist Man. ROSS: Ok, Phoebe, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will. Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old. PHOEBE: Ok, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution, ok, I'm just saying that it's one of the possibilities. ROSS: It's the only possibility, Phoebe. PHOEBE: Ok, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much, ok? Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the world was flat? And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this? ROSS: There might be, a teeny, tiny, possibility. PHOEBE: I can't believe you caved. ROSS: What? PHOEBE: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry? RACHEL: I am. Let me just get my coat. MONICA: Ok, all right. It was an accident, I swear, all right. I was putting on my jacket, and the thing, and the lamp, and it broke. RACHEL: Oh, please, Monica. You've always hated my lamp, and then, all of a sudden, it's just magically broken? MONICA: Phoebe, tell her! PHOEBE: Ok, I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket, but I uh want to believe you. RACHEL: Hey Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp. CHANDLER: Neat. I'm gonna die alone. RACHEL: Ok, you win. MONICA: Chandler, you're not gonna die alone. CHANDLER: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake. PHOEBE: Uh huh. Why is that? CHANDLER: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y=know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout! MONICA: You have got to get over this. You're not gonna end up alone. CHANDLER: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there. RACHEL: Chandler, you have just described virtually every man that we have ever gone out with. MONICA: You are not a freak. You're a guy. RACHEL: She's right. She's right. You are no different than the rest of them. MONICA: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes he is. You are totally different. CHANDLER: In a bad way? MONICA: No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know what you want now. Most guys don't even have a clue. You are ready to take risks, you are ready to be vulnerable, and intimate with someone. RACHEL: Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone. PHOEBE: Chandler, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone! MONICA: You made it! PHOEBE: You're there! RACHEL: You are ready to make a commitment! CHANDLER: Whoa! Don't know about that. RACHEL: What you got there? Something else that's not yours that you can break? MONICA: No. Um, I know you like this, and I want you to have it. I think it'll look good in our apartment. RACHEL: Thank you. MONICA: That's fine. CHANDLER: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman, Alison, from work. She's great. She's pretty, she's smart. And uh, I've been holding off on asking her out in the past, because she has an unusually large head. But, I'm not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me. I'm growing. JOEY: Hey, uh, you can't recycle yearbooks, can you? CHANDLER: I'll take that. JOEY: You want his yearbook? CHANDLER: Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice things about him. I think somebody should have it. MONICA: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole life was in this apartment, and now it's gone. You know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments, for Mr. Heckles. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was, but, he was a person. You're all going to hell. RACHEL: It's really not that big! CHANDLER: Takin' that with you, huh? JOEY: Oh, yeah. ROSS: You comin'? CHANDLER: Yeah, jus' second. Good-bye Mr. Heckles. We'll try to keep it down. ALISON: Oh, my major was totally useless. I mean, how often do you look in the classifieds and see "Philosopher wanted"? CHANDLER: Sure. (My god, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball at work. All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big head, big head!)
Plan: A: Chandler; Q: Who believes he will die alone? A: work; Q: Where does Chandler refuse to date a woman from? A: her nostrils; Q: What part of a woman's body does Chandler refuse to date? A: serious relationships; Q: What do the gang believe Chandler is trying to avoid? A: Monica's downstairs neighbour; Q: Who is Mr. Heckles? A: all his belongings; Q: What does Mr. Heckles leave Rachel and Monica? A: junk; Q: What is Mr. Heckles's belongings? A: evolution; Q: What theory do Ross and Phoebe argue over? A: his life; Q: What does Chandler think is similar to Mr. Heckles'? A: Janice; Q: Who does Chandler call to talk about his fears of dying alone? Summary: When Chandler refuses to date a woman from work, claiming her nostrils are too big, the gang claim this is always his way to avoid serious relationships. Rachel and Monica's downstairs neighbour, Mr. Heckles, suddenly dies, leaving them all his belongings, which is nothing but junk that they have to dispose of. Ross and Phoebe argue over the theory of evolution. Chandler, noticing similarities between his life and Mr. Heckles', believes he will also die alone. Panicked, he calls Janice and arranges to meet her, only to be shocked when she shows up married and pregnant.
The Dominators By Norman Ashby 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1, INT: SURVEY UNIT (Violent explosions burst all around Zoe and Cully, causing the building to sway giddily on it's foundations.) ZOE: Cully, what's happening?! CULLY: I don't know. (He moves towards a console, but it explodes before he can get near. Zoe shrieks.) ZOE: Oh! CULLY: The door quick! (He tries to swipe the control with his hand, but it fails to work.) ZOE: Oh. CULLY: It's stuck, it's stuck! We're trapped! (Zoe screams as another explosion brings down part of the roof.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2, EXT: SURVEY UNIT TOBA: Recharge. (With a bibbling and a flapping of their arms the quarks do so.) TOBA: Complete destruction! (As the power of the weaponry builds, Rago and a Quark appear over a dune.) RAGO: Toba! TOBA: Quarks, wait. (The whine of power fades away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3, INT: SURVEY UNIT CULLY: Maybe you'll believe in my robots now! ZOE: I don't know about robots, but something was attacking us, and with pretty sophisticated weapons too! CULLY: Well whatever it was, we'd better get out of here fast. Let's try and move this door. [SCENE_BREAK] 4, EXT: SURVEY UNIT TOBA: Wanted to prevent their escape. RAGO: You wanted to destroy, unnecessary destruction is wasteful. Did you inspect it? TOBA: All relevant details have been recorded. RAGO: See if there are any survivors and bring them to me - alive. (Rago storms away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5, INT: SURVEY UNIT ZOE: Oh it's no good, it's jammed! CULLY: Yes, we're trapped in here. ZOE: What about the travel capsule? CULLY: Oh I can't navigate it, we'd end up back at the Capitol. ZOE: Well that's better than being cooked in here. CULLY: Yes, but they'd pick us off easily in that. Come on let's try that door again. (They struggle with the door.) CULLY: Come on! ZOE: Oh! CULLY: Keep it... (Finally the door groans open, to the sight of a Quark.) CULLY: Now you know I'm not lying! [SCENE_BREAK] 6, INT: COUNCIL CHAMBER BOVEM: Director Senex asked that you be brought to the Council chamber immediately. JAMIE: Just a moment... Er, where's Zoe? BOVEM: You mean the girl? JAMIE: Yes Zoe, is she here? BOVEM: No. DOCTOR: Well then where is she? She did arrive safely? BOVEM: Oh yes. JAMIE: Well then? Hey, has anything happened to her? BOVEM: Director Senex will explain when he arrives, should he think fit. JAMIE: And just..! BOVEM: There is no cause for alarm. I will inform the Director of your arrival. JAMIE: What do you think's happened to her, Doctor? DOCTOR: Oh I've no idea Jamie, but the Dulcians wouldn't've harmed her. Of that I'm certain. JAMIE: Mmm. [SCENE_BREAK] 7, INT: SAUCER KANDO: Are you alright Balan? BALAN: Uh? Oh yes, but I don't understand what is happening; why should these people wish us harm? RAGO: Silence! TOBA: The other two specimens for examination, shall I bring them in? (Rago nods.) RAGO: Wait! Observe the cerebral cortex development in this specimen. (He hands Toba the headset.) KANDO: Oh please don't hurt him! BALAN: If only you would tell us what you wanted! RAGO: I said silence! (He turns back to Toba.) RAGO: Well? TOBA: Higher potential than the first two. Not a very resourceful brain pattern, but intelligent. RAGO: Yes...I will send this information to fleet leader for analysis. It is possible these creatures could be used for slave labour. Unfortunately their muscular development seems somewhat limited. TOBA: Then they are of no use? RAGO: We shall test them. Put them to work on the drilling site, observe how long they survive. TOBA: Command accepted. RAGO: And send a Quark back to the unit. Should any more arrive I want them alive. [SCENE_BREAK] 8, INT: COUNCIL CHAMBER SENEX: As far as we know she left with my son Cully, presumably they have returned to the island. DOCTOR: What? JAMIE: Oh no! Why'd you not tell us? Come on Doctor! SENEX: I do not think that would be advisable. JAMIE: Aye, you mean we're prisoners again? SENEX: No, there are no prisoners on Dulkis. DOCTOR: It's not necessary you see, Jamie. This is a society of total pacifism. JAMIE: You mean they don't fight? They don't have any armies? DOCTOR: No, no. JAMIE: Oh that's just great! How then, are we gonna drive off those Quark things? SENEX: From your reaction and your lack of knowledge of the way of life on Dulkis, it would seem there was some truth in your story that you are from another planet. JAMIE: Of course there's some truth! Look, it was your people who thought we were with Cully's. SENEX: The identity of my son's companions has now been established, although what has happened is not quite clear. DOCTOR: But Cully has told you - they were murdered! (There are murmurings from the Councillors.) DOCTOR: And I believe him! SENEX: Why? DOCTOR: Because I've seen these Dominators. We were t-taken aboard their spacecraft. Believe me, they're callous - without pity! FIRST COUNCILLOR: Of for goodnesses sake. SECOND COUNCILLOR: I can't believe this. SENEX: I would be grateful if you could tell me what occurred on the island. JAMIE: Och look here, we've told you! We're just wasting time talking while Zoe's in danger! [SCENE_BREAK] 9, EXT: RUINED HOUSE (A Quark burbles to itself.) ZOE: Can't we get away? CULLY: OH we wouldn't stand a chance, these Quarks are deadly. ZOE: Any idea how they're powered? CULLY: No, why? ZOE: Well if we knew we might be able to put them out of action. CULLY: Attack them? Are you out of your mind? ZOE: Well they're only robots. CULLY: Only? ...Do you really think we could destroy one? ZOE: It'd be easier if we had a gun of some... The laser gun! Cully, I think we stand a chance. (A Quark approaches them and bibbles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10, INT: SAUCER TOBA: Take them to the others. (The Quark wanders from Toba to Kando, Teel and Balan.) QUARK: MOVE. (It ushers them towards the doorway which raises.) TOBA: I'll send them to work on the drilling site. RAGO: Work potential and stamina to be recorded and sent for analysis. TOBA: Agreed. If any of them should escape... RAGO: Then you will report the fact to me, no personal action. (Toba walks away.) RAGO: Toba! (Toba reluctantly stops and turns.) TOBA: Command accepted. [SCENE_BREAK] 11, EXT: RUINED HOUSE ZOE: So the Doctor and Jamie are on the mainland? CULLY: Yes. It looks as if from now on we're on our own. TOBA: You creatures, follow. [SCENE_BREAK] 12, INT: COUNCIL CHAMBER DOCTOR: And when these horrible tests were over, they just let us go. SENEX: Did you discover for what purpose these tests were carried out? JAMIE: Yes, to see if we were intelligent enough to use as slaves. (Bovem smiles scornfully.) BOVEM: Evidently you were not. DOCTOR: I would like to make a suggestion. I know it is the way of Dulkis to discuss and deliberate, but the situation is urgent. Send someone to the island to confirm if what we've told you. JAMIE: Yes, and while they're away we can be thinking out some plan to tackle those Dominators. SENEX: These Dominators... They let you go free, why should we fear them? DOCTOR: Because they are aggressive, callous and unfeeling. Don't expect them to act and think as you do - they're alien, from another world. SENEX: Well so are you Doctor! (The Doctor grins, a little ashamedly.) DOCTOR: Oho dear, you've got me there. JAMIE: Oh for heavens sake! Look, are we going to that island or are we not? SENEX: Patience young man. Doctor, what in your opinion did this Dominators want? DOCTOR: Well I'm not sure, but I heard them say that the material was readily accessible. Probably some kind of mineral ore. SENEX: Oh, haha, there are no valuable minerals here, they are welcome to whatever they can find. There is no cause for alarm. DOCTOR: Yes, but there's the matter of the disappearance of the radioactivity from the island. That could be significant. SENEX: Why seek menace where there may be none? JAMIE: But you can't just sit here and do nothing! BOVEM: Why not? FIRST COUNCILLOR: Haste is not in the Dulcian tradition. SECOND COUNCILLOR: Better do nothing than do the wrong thing. JAMIE: Oh you're mad, the lot of you! BOVEM: What would you suggest we do? JAMIE: For a start send an armed party over there to rescue Zoe and your people! BOVEM: An armed party? JAMIE: Yes! FIRST COUNCILLOR: But the use of arms on Dulkis is totally unprecedented. SECOND COUNCILLOR: Not totally unprecedented. In the earliest days of our history. FIRST COUNCILLOR: Ooh, in primitive times perhaps, but impossible to consider today. SECOND COUNCILLOR: Oh of course. JAMIE: What are they talking about? DOCTOR: Told you Jamie, there are no weapons on Dulkis. SENEX: For centuries we have lived in peace. We have proved that universal gentleness will cause aggression to die. JAMIE: Aye, well the Dominators don't know anything about your gentleness. DOCTOR: Yes, Jamie has a point there you know. Now I suggest that you get in touch with Balan on the island, again. JAMIE: Ah. DOCTOR: He must know more by now. SENEX: Oh very well. DOCTOR: Ah. JAMIE: Eh? (He swipes a switch and a monitor blinks on revealing a view of the survey unit. As it pans the room is revealed to be empty apart from an attentive looking Quark.) JAMIE: Hey, would you look at that! SENEX: Balan are you there? DOCTOR: It-It's too late! (Bovem has jumped up in a panic.) BOVEM: What is that?! DOCTOR: It's a robot! JAMIE: That's a Quark! Now come on, we've wasted enough time! DOCTOR: Yes! (He runs after Jamie pausing only for a moment in the doorway.) DOCTOR: Now perhaps you'll believe me! [SCENE_BREAK] 13, INT: CAPSULE (Jamie looks agitated.) DOCTOR: Now Jamie, what did you want to tell me? (The Doctor calmly chews on a jelly baby while he returns the ratty paper bag to his inner coat pocket.) JAMIE: Well, I suppose you know what you're doing. DOCTOR: What do you mean? JAMIE: Well this capsule is homing in on the survey place, right? DOCTOR: Yes, that's right. JAMIE: Well there's a Quark there waiting for us! (The Doctor looks a little shocked that he hadn't remembered, himself.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14, EXT: RUINED HOUSE TOBA: If these tests prove favourable some of you may be among those chosen to serve the Dominators... ZOE: As slaves, you mean? (Toba glares at Zoe.) TOBA: Don't ever interrupt me again. To serve the Dominators, masters of the ten galaxies. Your progress here will be reported. CULLY: Progress at what? TOBA: This area here is to be cleared of debris and rubble. ZOE: Why? TOBA: Because I command it! ZOE: I am not going to work unless I know why you want... TOBA: Quiet! ...Very well. This site is to be cleared; firstly because we want it cleared, secondly, to find out whether you have enough strength to make a work force. ZOE: And if we haven't? TOBA: You will all be destroyed. So remember, you are working for your lives. (He sweeps away.) BALAN: We must, for now. (Balan walks over and takes a rock.) ZOE: I wonder why they want to drill here? CULLY: Who cares what they want, what are we going to do? ZOE: We've got to get away! CULLY: Yes, but how? ZOE: Well there's only two Quarks; there are five of us. BALAN: Escape is pointless, where would we go? KANDO: We can't get off the island. TEEL: Perhaps the Capitol will send help. CULLY: The Capitol? But what can they do? They're not equipped to deal with this sort of thing. No, we've gotta get out of this mess ourselves. ZOE: And that's just what I mean to do. Cully, how fast can these Quarks move? BALAN: Young lady, I cannot allow you to incite my pupils. Resistance will only lead to violence. ZOE: And submission leads to slavery. We must fight! What about you Cully? CULLY: You can count me in. Kando? KANDO: No, Balan is right. Violence is always met with violence. CULLY: Teel? TEEL: I accept what you both say. But I'm afraid I also agree with Zoe and Cully, meek submission would be humiliating. (A Quark wanders over to investigate the sudden cessation of rock shifting.) QUARK: CONTINUE WORKING! [SCENE_BREAK] 15, INT: CAPSULE (The Doctor gives the control panel a sharp tug and it comes away in his hand to reveal a mass of wiring and circuitry beneath.) JAMIE: Hey have you gone daft or something? DOCTOR: No Jamie, not exactly. Oh dear, this is rather complicated. JAMIE: Y-y-y'can't just take things to pieces. Not when we're flying at heaven knows what speed! DOCTOR: Oh Jamie... As you said, this capsule is homing straight back onto the survey unit, and the Quarks are there. JAMIE: Well I did try to warn you! DOCTOR: Yes I know. Thank you. Now Don't worry, all I've got to do is to override the automatic pilot. JAMIE: Oh. Hey, are-are-are there not any ordinary controls for flying this thing? DOCTOR: Mm? The... (Jamie mimes a steering wheel.) DOCTOR: Ah...no. No Jamie, there don't seem to be. But the simplest way is to get straight at the control mechanism. JAMIE: The simplest?! DOCTOR: Yes, now it's alright Jamie, just leave it all to me. T-the trouble is all the wires seem to be...leading up into the nose. Ah... Just hold this for a minute will you Jamie? (He hands the control board to Jamie who eyes the whirring components cautiously, then tries to get into the foot space below.) DOCTOR: Let's see if I can scramble through here. Just wait a minute, we're nearly there...Oh oh ooh! (He legs flail wildly.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16, INT: SAUCER RAGO: Transmit course and point of deviation to fleet leader. TOBA: Command accepted. (He turns to operate a communications rig. Rago walks over to examine a wall which contains an immense holo-chart of the entire galaxy with all its stars and planets. A Quark wanders over to him and bibbles courteously.) RAGO: Yes? QUARK: INITIAL REPORT. RAGO: Continue. QUARK: ALL PRISONERS EXCEPT ONE SHOWING SIGNS OF FATIGUE. TOBA: That will be the young man. QUARK: CORRECTION DOMINATOR. IT IS A FEMALE THAT SHOWS THE LESS FATIGUE. RAGO: Interesting. TOBA: Shall I liven them up? RAGO: No. Work them to the point of exhaustion, note their time of collapse then bring them to me. (Toba exits.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17, EXT: RUINED HOUSE (Cully helps Zoe down with a large rock.) CULLY: If we don't get a move on the others will be too tired to even attempt an escape. Have you got any ideas? ZOE: Well we'll have to put that Quark out of action or we won't stand a chance. CULLY: Yes, but how? ZOE: Well there's a laser gun in that museum place. Somehow we've got to get hold of it. (Balan drops from exhaustion.) BALAN: I'm-I'm sorry. KANDO: Don't be. QUARK: CONTINUE WORKING. ZOE: He can't! He's exhausted. QUARK: CONTINUE WORKING. CULLY: You stupid tin box, can't you see he's worn out? QUARK: IS THIS SPECIMEN BROKEN? CULLY: Yes! QUARK: PLACE IT ON ONE SIDE, REMAINDER CONTINUE WORKING. KANDO: I'm sorry. We're not used to manual labour on Dulkis. (As Balan rests, they all begin to heave rocks again. Zoe nods at Cully, who walks over and deposits a rock in the path of the Quark. She then nips towards the door of the museum, slipping inside. Once inside, Zoe is greeted by the disappointing sight of another Quark with it's weapons raised, so turns and walks right back out again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18, INT: CAPSULE (Jamie watches as the Doctor's legs continue to flail, as if he were trying to burrow himself a warren.) JAMIE: Hey, what are you doing in there? DOCTOR: Uh-uh-uh...I've-I've-I've nearly got it Jamie. Oh, yes, I think I've got it. JAMIE: You think? You mean you're not sure? DOCTOR: Well, there won't be time for another try you know. Oh, give me a hand, pull me back. (Jamie tugs him back into his seat, when he sits up straight he has a small black box trailing wires into the nose section. Flipping open the top of the box he fiddles a little more.) DOCTOR: Oh, oh there we are, yes. Yes, I think I've got it. Now then, hold on and I'm going, I'm going to try and steer this thing. JAMIE: With that mess of wires? (The Doctor makes a slight adjustment and there is a roar from the motive units and Jamie is flung forward onto the Doctor, grabbing onto his head for support, and accidentally covering his eyes.) DOCTOR: Whoah my...ah-ah... (With another tweak they both land in their seats again as normal acceleration is resumed.) JAMIE: Take it easy! (The Doctor chuckles.) DOCTOR: Well, at least we know it works, don't we? JAMIE: Hey, can you land the thing? DOCTOR: Of course I can! I'll get us down in no time at all! JAMIE: Aye, but in one piece? DOCTOR: Now just hold on! [SCENE_BREAK] 19, MODEL SHOT: CAPSULE (The nose of the capsule dips as it begins to descend.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20, INT: COUNCIL CHAMBER SECOND COUNCILLOR: Perhaps we should do something, we must be... BOVEM: Gentlemen, gentlemen, this is no matter for precipitate action. SENEX: Nevertheless, we must hope that the Doctor may be able to pursue some useful course of action. BOVEM: With respect Director, I am reluctant to rely on the assistance of any alien. SENEX: You do now admit that he is not a Dulcian? BOVEM: Yes, so I think that our alliance should be placed in the Chairman of Emergencies Committee. SENEX: Chairman Tensa? Yes, he is able, but can he deal with this crisis? BOVEM: Chairman Tensa has proved his efficiency in the face of fires, droughts, earthquakes... SENEX: All natural disasters, all created by forces not acting from inherently aggressive motives. (The intercom chimes.) SENEX: Yes? SECRETARY: Chairman Tensa is here, presents his compliments. SENEX: Send him in immediately. FIRST COUNCILLOR: A very able man, he'll deal with this. (Tensa walks in, a reasonably young man for his regard at council.) TENSA: My greetings Director Senex, gentlemen. SENEX: Tensa, you have been informed of the emergency that has arisen? TENSA: Yes. SENEX: What would you advise? (Tensa looks nervous.) TENSA: The facts of this emergency are non-conclusive. (There is a disappointed murmur.) FIRST COUNCILLOR: Oh yes-yes. SECOND COUNCILLOR: Of course. TENSA: But, as I see it there are three alternatives. (There is an encouraging babble.) FIRST COUNCILLOR: Three! SECOND COUNCILLOR: Ah! SENEX: Which are? TENSA: If these aliens and their robots are aggressive, and as yet this is not a fact; but if they are then we can either fight... (The council seems aghast at this idea, and many stand up in protest.) FIRST COUNCILLOR: Fight?! BOVEM: Fight?! SENEX: Silence! Tensa, continue... TENSA: Fight, submit or flee. SECOND COUNCILLOR: Flee? FIRST COUNCILLOR: Oh no, no! BOVEM: Flee to where? SENEX: We cannot make war we are not able; flight is impossible, there is nowhere to hide, and submission - to what?! TENSA: Who knows? SENEX: So we can do nothing? TENSA: Nothing, except wait. (The Councillors sit down again, satisfied that order has been restored.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21, MODEL SHOT: CAPSULE (The capsule lies half buried in the sand on one of the far beaches.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22, EXT: CAPSULE (The door whirrs open and the Doctor and Jamie fight to extricate themselves from the wiry mess of the capsule interior.) DOCTOR: Ah-ah oh-oh oh...no bones broken! JAMIE: Aah. DOCTOR: Oh dear. Oh-oh ah, there we are. (The Doctor takes the control box from around his neck and deposits it on the seat as he leaves.) DOCTOR: Oh my word, Aah. Oh, well...I think we've done rather well if I say so, don't you? JAMIE: More by luck than from judgement if you ask me. What a landing! DOCTOR: Oh, it was just a bit bumpy. Oh now then, main thing is we weren't spotted. Come along, we've got to find Zoe and the others. JAMIE: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] 23, EXT: RUINED HOUSE (Teel and Cully are shift a large rock. Teel is looking the worse of the two.) TEEL: But do you think it'll work? CULLY: Of course it will, once we can get hold of the laser and flatten these Quarks, then go to ground somewhere. TEEL: But where? it mustn't be far, I mean, look at Kando. ZOE: Yes, and Balan. Is there anywhere near here to hide? (Teel shakes his head, then remembers something.) TEEL: Wait a minute, the shelter...the bomb shelter. I'm-I'm sure they built one here somewhere, part of the atom test. ZOE: Well that sounds ideal, where is it? (Teel shakes his head wearily.) TEEL: Can't remem... [SCENE_BREAK] 24, EXT: SANDY CLIFF JAMIE: Hey would you look down there! DOCTOR: That's the ruined building, hello. (He digs out an old battered brass telescope and takes a look.) JAMIE: What can you see? (The Doctor passes the telescope to Jamie, who scans the ruined building. He sees Balan and Kando lying near one another exhausted. A little way away he notices Cully and Zoe trying to shift a rock.) JAMIE: It's Zoe and Cully! DOCTOR: We've got to get down there. Jamie. JAMIE: Uh. DOCTOR: We'll split up and get around the back of them. I'll try to cut across those cliffs. JAMIE: I'll go this way. (They walk off in different directions.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25, EXT: RUINED HOUSE ZOE: You ready? CULLY: Yes. ZOE: Once you're ready give me time to get those two Quarks into your line of fire. CULLY: Here we go. (He attempts to pick up a rock, and collapses on top of it. Two Quarks move either side of him.) QUARK: NEXT ONE COLLAPSED. JOIN THE OTHER SPECIMENS. (Cully drags himself over to Balan and the others.) BALAN: This is foolishness Cully. (He looks over at the Quarks.) BALAN: All clear, best of luck. [SCENE_BREAK] 26, INT: MUSEUM (Cully scrambles inside and moves over to the laser. Picking the weapon up he goes to the window and drops down in a firing stance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27, EXT: RUINED HOUSE (Zoe drops the rock she's carrying and slumps over it waiting for the Quark to move over to her.) ZOE: Ohh! [SCENE_BREAK] 28, INT: MUSEUM (Cully scans the area beyond the window through the sights of the laser.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29, EXT: RUINED HOUSE (A Quark approaches Zoe who is still slumped over her rock.) QUARK: ALL SPECIMENS HAVE REACHED POINT OF COLLAPSE. (Zoe whispers to herself.) ZOE: Fire Cully, Fire! [SCENE_BREAK] 30, INT: MUSEUM (Cully gets the two Quarks in the sights of his laser, suddenly he feels a tug from behind.) JAMIE: Hey what do you think you're doing? Zoe's out there! CULLY: I know that you fool, I was aiming at those Quarks! QUARK OOV: ALL SPECIMENS STAND UP. (He tries to aim at them again.) CULLY: I missed my chance, I had them in my sights! [SCENE_BREAK] 31, EXT: RUINED HOUSE TEEL: Why didn't he shoot? KANDO: I don't know. QUARK: SPECIMENS MUST ALL BE RETURNED TO DOMINATOR RAGO. (As the weary prisoners file away the Quark notices a numerical imbalance.) QUARK: ONE OF THEM IS MISSING. IT IS THE SPECIMEN CU-LLY. [SCENE_BREAK] 32, INT: MUSEUM CULLY: Oh...Oh it's no good, Balan's in the way now! JAMIE: Well I-I said I'm sorry. Anyway I don't think we should do anything until the Doctor gets here. CULLY: Well he'd better be quick, those Dominators will be after me soon. JAMIE: Don't worry, he'll get here! [SCENE_BREAK] 33, EXT: SANDY DUNE (The Doctor's head slowly appears from behind a rock, he notices a pair of armoured legs right in front of him and gets to his feet.) TOBA: What are you doing? You were told to keep away from the Quarks. DOCTOR: Oh but I do! Whenever I see one I go away. But they're all over the island, where can I go? (To one side the working party marches over flanked by two Quarks behind and one in front. Toba wanders over.) TOBA: Stop. One of them is missing. QUARK: THE MAN CULLY HAS ESCAPED. (Toba glares maliciously.) TOBA: Has he? Alright carry on, take this idiot with you. Quark follow me. (The three Quarks obediently tail Toba.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34, INT: MUSEUM CULLY: It's no good Jamie, we daren't wait any longer. Something must have happened to the Doctor. JAMIE: Yeah, I think you're right. TOBA OOV: Cully! JAMIE: Down! I told you to stay away from the window! CULLY: Do you think he saw me? TOBA OOV: I know you're in there Cully! JAMIE: Give me that. (Jamie takes the laser from Cully and moves to the window.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35, EXT: RUINED HOUSE TOBA: Now you'll see what happens when the orders of a Dominator are disobeyed! Quark, destroy! (With a rippling noise the Quark opens fire on the building with it's devastating force-projectors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36, INT: MUSEUM (Jamie throws himself to one side as the sturdy metal door flies off it's hinges in a clouds of smoke, parts of the roof beginning to rain down signalling the imminent end of the museum. He gets up again, amidst the choking dust and debris.) JAMIE: Right, here goes. (Moving to the window he aims the laser and fires at the nearest Quark.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37, EXT: RUINED HOUSE (At first the metal that makes up the Quark seems to absorb the laser energy without a mark, but the result is immediate and satisfying. The tiny robot begins to chitter wildly to itself as its innards begin to melt together causing it to billow smoke from it's vents. In moments its molten circuitry has reached it's weaponry units and it is torn apart by an unmodulated force discharge, leaving nothing but two tiny, smoking legs. After the debris has finished raining down Toba moves closer to examine the remains of the Quark. Turning savagely to the remaining two robots.) TOBA: Destroy! Destroy! Total destruction! (On the ground the severed head of the Quark faithfully attempts to obey the command, but only manages to roll feebly backwards and forwards. With a rippling-sparkling of combined force-projection weapons the robots avenge their sister's demise with wave after wave of destructive energy.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38, INT: MUSEUM (All around them the museum is shaking, the walls crumbling like old biscuits. Jamie attempts to see through the hot, smoke-filled air, but finds it impossible.) JAMIE: Can't see a thing! If only I could get in another shot. (Part of a girder from the ceiling slams down onto Cully pinning him to the middle of the floor.) CULLY: Aargh! (Jamie manages to heave it off him and together they attempt to scramble through the choking fug to safety, but they have left it too late to escape.) JAMIE: Come on, let's get out of here! CULLY: No, this way... [SCENE_BREAK] 39, EXT: RUINED HOUSE (From outside explosions are still ripping through the concrete façade of the museum, as the building finally succumbs to gravity, rumbling down in clouds of smoke.) TOBA: Stop. QUARK: WORK COMPLETED. (Toba smiles at the destruction he has caused.)
Plan: A: Cully; Q: Along with Zoe, who is captured by the Dominators? A: the survey team; Q: Who are Zoe and Cully put to work with? A: the Doctor; Q: Who and Jamie decide to return to the island to help? Summary: Zoe and Cully are captured by the Dominators and put to work alongside the survey team while the Doctor and Jamie decide to return to the island to help.
Therapist: The key to any successful relationship is communication. What do you think is keeping the two of you from being able to fully trust each other? Becca: Most of the time, things are good. But out of the blue, we'll have a minor disagreement. And then we're fighting for hours. Therapist: Vernon, what do you think about what Becca just said? Vernon: Pissed, dude. Bummed. It makes me feel like what the sh1t? She talks to me like I'm a child. Becca: Because you are a child. Vernon: Oh, really? A child doctor, Becca? A child doctor with a BMW 7 Series and credit score well into the five hundos? Becca: He almost got fired because during a hip resurfacing, he took his sunglasses, put them on the patient's testicles and took a picture of it. Therapist: Very unpro... Vernon: Humor is a necessity in the operating room. Otherwise, we would collapse under the sheer weight of the human drama. Therapist: Guys? Right... Becca: You fix tennis elbows for rich people! Vernon: Do not tell me how to do my calling! Therapist: Okay, guys, let's take a breath. And remember you're here because you love each other. There she is. Is it possible that the problem isn't between the two of you? But rather in the negative external elements that are influencing your relationship? (Clears her throat) Becca: So, our therapist said we need to cut out the toxic elements, which means we just can't have couples like you in our life anymore. Gretchen: Whoa! We're not a couple. We're just hanging out. Jimmy: Wait. Breakfast is still on you, right? Vernon: Yeah, totally. I gave them my card. It's a "Chase Saph", which means when I use it at restaurants, I double-down on the points... Becca: Anyway. Don't try to talk us out of it. Gretchen: Okay. Becca: Well, good luck. Both of you. Vernon: So, I got an Xbox One if you ever want to dork out on some Madden. Becca: Vernon? Vernon: I meant dork out online. We can't even headset-hang? Becca: Will you please stop thinking about Madden...? Gretchen: What are you doing later? Jimmy: I am interviewing "Hollywood it Girl" Megan Thomas for Coterie magazine. Gretchen: Oh, she's hot. Send me pics. Jimmy: Nudes? (Gretchen laughs) Gretchen: Yeah, okay, buddy. If you think you can get Megan Thomas naked, more power to you. Jimmy: Well, I was kidding. But as you said, "We're not a couple," so legally, I'm free to try, right? Gretchen: Did it bother you when I said that? Jimmy: No, no. It's important to set clear rules. Hey. This is on the curly ginger, yeah? All right, in that case, we'll take some things to go. Well, one of everything from the left side. Oh, and four of those souvenir T-shirts. Gretchen: Ooh, throw in a large child's. Jimmy: Hmm? Gretchen: Killian. Jimmy: Who? ♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway I'm gonna leave you anyway... ♪ Jimmy: Okay, so, um... (Megan laughs) Jimmy: ...how does one prepare for a role in which you play a... (laughs). Sorry. A tsunami widow? Megan: Shut up. Um, all right, this is the official quote. It was a singular pleasure to be able to bring a story of such courage to life. Plus, I did, like, six weeks of Haleo and CrossFit twice a day. Feel my calf, dude. That does indeed feel like the calf of a grieving widow. (Megan laughs) Megan: Whoa! You're a foot dude. Jimmy: No. Yes. Megan laughing: You don't have to let go. Does your girlfriend have nice feet? Jimmy: Aw, she's not my girlfriend. In fact, earlier today, she said it straight out, "We are not a couple." Megan: Yeah, that's just something that girls say 'cause they feel like they have to. Jimmy: No, she's not like that at all. She's actually challenged me to try and get a... a nude photo of you. I mean, of course I told her that would be completely unprofessional. Megan: We should get another round. Edgar: Perfect timing. I have great news. Jimmy: What... you found your own place? Edgar: My therapist said I should be alone as little as possible on account of how I've been waking up holding a knife. Jimmy: Mm. Wait, what?! Edgar: Ah, it's not important. Anyway, the news was I made breakfast nachos. Jimmy: Go back to the knife thing. Edgar: Not just breakfast nachos, breakfast nachos "a la Jimmy and Gretchen" with the peanuts on top, because I know how Gretchen likes the crunch. Megan: Hey! I got to go, bud. Jimmy: I'll, uh, I'll walk you out. Megan: Mmm! (Megan speaking Spanish) Me gusta. Lindsay: I can't believe Jimmy sent you naked photos of a celeb. Gretchen: I kind of dared him to. I didn't think he'd actually be able to hit that. Lindsay: You have to break up with him... big. Ooh, what if we spray-painted "pedophile" on his garage door? I did that when my neighbors left their Christmas lights up too long. Gretchen: I can't exactly be pissed off. I'm not his girlfriend. Lindsay: Well, you at least have to sleep with someone else, too, or you'll resent him forever. That's feminism, Gretch. That's what Susan B. Anthony died for. Gretchen: Do you even know who Susan B. Anthony is? Lindsay: She made an airplane disappear. Gretchen: Nope. What? That's Amelia Earhart. And she didn't make an air... Lindsay: Whatever, history. You happened already. Let it go. Gretchen: I'm not gonna have s*x with some stranger. Lindsay: What about that barista with the giant hog you dated? Gretchen: Venti? The size barely made up for the fact that his moustache was connected to his sideburns. It was like getting banged by John Quincy Adams. Lindsay: Exactly. America's first black astronaut. Gretchen: I'm so glad you don't have a job. Lindsay: Right? Venti: Gretchen? Venti: Oh, my God. Long time. Gretchen: I know. You're still working here. Venti: Yeah! Gretchen: How is your band? Venti: Oh, our drummer was scuba diving in Cancun and somehow went deaf. So if you know any drummers... Gretchen: I will keep my ear out. (Both laugh) Do you still have your van? Venti: Yeah. Gretchen: Meet me there in five. Venti: Oh, I wish I could. But I'm a manager now and if I abandon my post, my boss will fire me. (Footsteps) Jimmy: Hey. Gretchen: Hi. Congrats on the photos. Megan Thomas... bringing back the bush. Jimmy: It was for a grieving widow role. You're not mad, are you? Gretchen: No. Like you said, it was totally legal for you to do that. Jimmy: Because we're not a couple. Gretchen: Yeah. We're just two chill people, being totally cool about stuff. You can have s*x with celebs, I can bang an ex... which I did... Which is great. Because now we're even. Jimmy: Sorry, you did what? Gretchen: Yeah. I ran into that barista from Silver Lake Coffee. Jimmy: Who, Grande? Gretchen: Yes, that was his nickname. You're not mad, are you? Jimmy: Pfft. Of course not. I'm just confused, because you just used the word "even." Because, technically, I slept with a sexy, famous celebrity I'd just met, while you just re-banged a barista. So that doesn't really count as a full person, does it? He's, like, half a person. At best. Gretchen: Didn't feel like half a person. Jimmy: And I've just remembered his nickname: Venti. Gretchen: I didn't want to rub it in. Jimmy: Nothing to rub in. In no world does Hollywood it Girl Megan Thomas equal your chaiwallah. But hey, by all means, let's call it "even." Where you going? Gretchen: I have stuff to do! (Door slams) Announcer: Ron Stitches Show... (Phone rings, explosion booms) Ron: Welcome back to The Ron Stitches Show. I'm Ron and we've got Edgar in Los Angeles, who says his roommate's s*x life is causing him problems. What's the deal, Edgar? Edgar: Well, Ron, I'm kind of in a moral dilemma. Ron: A moral dilemma or an oral dilemma? Woman sultry: Oh, yes... Edgar: Ooh, now, the thing is I really like my roommate's girlfriend. Ron): And you plan on hittin' that, right? [b]Woman: Oh, yes...! Edgar: No. No, no, no, no. I-I mean as a person. I really want them to work out. The thing is... He slept with someone else, and... I don't know if I should tell her or not. Ron: Whoa, whoa, what? Rat out your bro, bro? Is this a prank call? Cheryl, you're screening these calls, right? Or are you just sitting over there playing with them big old hooters of yours? (Owl hoots, woman moans) Edgar: It's just that ever since I came back from lraq, I haven't really met many people I can talk to... and she listens. Ron: First off, I'd like to say thank you for you service, soldier. If I didn't have this god-dang bee allergy, I would have been right over there with you. So talk to me. You ever shoot that .50 cal? I shot one in Vegas one time. It was hell, man. I got separated from my squad somewhere between Crazy Girls and the Spearmint Rhino and... [SCENE_BREAK] Lindsay: Actually, he's right. Gretchen: Linds! Lindsay: Think about it. Megan Thomas is a major score. She's like totally Hollywood's... Gretchen: Don't say "Hollywood's it Girl." Lindsay: She is. And Venti is old news. He's previously taken dick. PTD, if you will. Gretchen: PTD. Okay, so what if there's a guy that I haven't... taken, but I did maybe... Lindsay: Slob on it? Still wouldn't count. You've got to rule out previously taken or sucked dicks... PTSD. Gretchen: That's what Edgar has. (Both laughing) Both: Aw... Lindsay: PTSDs are half a point. Kind of like how a competitive bird watcher only gets points when he sees a new species he hasn't. Gretchen: Paul does competitive bird watching? Lindsay: I don't want to talk about it. Gretchen: Whatever. The whole thing's stupid. Lindsay: So finish it! The sooner you put someone behind you, the sooner you can put this behind you. Gretchen: Wow, Denver. I've never met anyone who makes their own furniture before. That canopy bed sounds amazing. I would love to check it out sometime. Denver: Well, finish up that drink and I'll show it to you. You see this headboard? It's all salvaged wood! Took me three months to refurbish the hull of a Nova Scotian haddock trawler. Actor: I mean, as a black actor, you're talking drug dealer, athlete, judge... Or sometimes God, if you're old. Do you know how many McDonald's commercials I've been in as a black actor? I can hear that damn jingle in my sleep. I'm not lovin' it. They love it. Gretchen: Don't you think, now that 12 Years a Slave has won Best Picture... Actor: Man, y'all white people love slavery movies even more than you loved actual slavery. As a black actor... Gretchen: So there I am, at the after-party for Danny Brown's latest album, and I'm in this house in the hills, no idea where I am, and I look at a picture on the wall and I realize it's Diana Ross. I am at Diana Ross's house. So I go to the bathroom, I grab a hairbrush... (Man screams) Man: Yes! (Men cheering) Man 2: That's the play I'm talking about! (Men whooping) Aiden: Well, I'd really like to try to get into writing movies and teleplays, but honestly, I'd be happy anywhere in... (Laughs) I'd call it "the biz," but I just moved out here from Ohio in the family mini-van... But... Gretchen: And I'm out. Lindsay: Wait! Why don't you go get us two more? Gretchen: It's so awful we have to feel any of this. Lust, love... Don't we have bigger problems to worry about? I am in a bar, trolling for dudes, just to prove something... to who? To Darwin? To myself? It is embarrassing and beneath us is what I am saying. You know? Bouncer: Not really. But I will say, if this Darwin clown is not treating you properly... He's a goddamn fool. Lindsay: I mean, sure, he sleeps in flannel pajamas with socks, and yes, he spends six weeks of every summer at a magic camp for adults and... Okay, he has an allergy to soap and we have to buy him that special oil for dogs... but he's my husband. And he doesn't deserve for anybody to be mean to him. Ever. Aiden: How could anyone not like Paul? Lindsay: I know! Paul. (Lindsay gasping, moaning) Lindsay: You like that? Aiden: I don't know. (Bouncer grunting passionately) Gretchen: Wait. Move me, like, six inches right. My face is way too near that booger. (Lindsay gasping) (Edgar knocks on door) Edgar: Hello, Padre. Priest: Hello. Edgar: I have a dilemma. I... I know this secret, and I can't decide if I should tell. If I do, a lot of people could get hurt. Priest: Son, your situation reminds me of a sermon I just delivered. I related Paul's Letter to the Corinthians to individual moral responsibility. What I said was... Wait, how did I put it? I said it so good. Terry was there. Terry! Damn it. Has anybody seen Terry? No? (Priest sighs) Anyway, the gist of it was listen to your own conscience, but at the same time, don't do anything that could cause harm. Edgar: Oh, well, it's just that if I sit on this, it could get even worse. Priest: What is the nature of this information? Edgar: I've said too much already. Thanks. I know what I have to do. Priest: Yeah, it's me. I think we got another Snowden on our hands. (Phone buzzing) Jimmy: Hello. Gretchen: Can't talk long. I just wanted to tell you we're even. Jimmy: What, Venti again? Gretchen: Nope. We've both slept with someone new, which makes us even. So, yay us. Jimmy: Wait, that's not even. My person was a stranger, which was one point, your person was Venti, which was worth a half, so I was one-half up on you. But now with this new person, you're one-half up on me. Gretchen: Oh, my God, Jimmy. Who cares? Can't we just call it a draw? Jimmy: Well, that's easy for you to say, you're one-half up. Now I have to sleep with an ex. (Gretchen laughs) Gretchen: Yeah, okay. Good luck with that. Anyway, I gotta go. Some work thing. Bye. Brianna: Um, do you have a work thing? Because I don't have anything on your calendar. Gretchen: Hurry up. You're letting all the cold air out. Becca: Well, I hope you're here to repay the $300 you guys somehow spent at breakfast. Jimmy: Why does everyone hate me? I know it's weird to ask you... you rightfully hate my guts. But... But what's wrong with me that I can't sustain a single relationship? Becca: Oh... I hate emotional Jimmy. Come in. Jimmy: Everyone I care about ends up hating me. Why is that? Becca: Oh, because you're a narcissist with face-blindness who, without hesitation or consequence, uses people to get what you want. Jimmy: God, you know me so well. Becca: Can I have one of those? Jimmy: They're pretty expensive. Becca: I know. I used to buy them for you all the time. Shut up and give me one. Jimmy: So, um... where's Vernon? Becca: You just missed him. He left to go do his rotation, or as he calls it, his "rotaish." Jimmy: Oh... I didn't know he did night "rotaishes." Becca: Oh, my God! Jimmy, what the hell! Jimmy: Oops. Sorry. Should... should I go? Becca: Yes! Obviously. Jimmy: Oh, I forgot to mention: we're even. It's one-and-a-half to one-and-a-half. Bagged an ex. Gretchen: Ah. Who was she? Jimmy: She's this girl... Hillary. You don't know her. Unmemorable, but... pliant. Gretchen: Oh, great. So... we are even. Jimmy: Are you mad? Gretchen: No. Why would I be mad? It's all good, brah. Jimmy: Why are you talking like Guy Fieri? Gretchen: 'Cause, Jimmy, you don't really want to know what's on my mind. That's not what this is. We are just two independently existing people who get together to have s*x. Jimmy: Well, how do I determine what we are? You're the one who started this whole thing when you said... Gretchen: "Said?" You're the one who did, Jimmy. You did goddamn Hollywood it Girl Megan Thomas. Jimmy: Only because you said I could! Gretchen: And then I sleep with one guy and you freak out! Jimmy: It was one-and-a-half guys! Gretchen: So you are jealous. Why don't you just admit you can't handle it if I sleep with someone else? Jimmy: Fine, if you admit that you can't handle it if I do. Gretchen: Fine! Sarcastic: Well, then maybe we should be "exclusive." Is that what you want? Jimmy sarcastic: Ooh, yeah, that'd be awesome. Let's do that. Gretchen: Yeah, great. Jimmy: Great. Guess we're "exclusive," then. Gretchen: Wait. Are we being sarcastic or are we actually exclusive? Jimmy: I got a little bit lost in there somewhere. But yeah... I guess we're... exclusive. Gretchen: Okay. Cool. Jimmy: Cool. Gretchen: Can you believe Becca and Vernon said we were toxic? Jimmy: Yeah, no kidding. What a joke. (Pop intro playing) (No voice) ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh... Oh, oh, oh, oh... Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh... Sun on its cycle ♪ ♪ Don't carry it away ♪ ♪ All light within it changes ♪ ♪ Only the sun ♪ ♪ Needs re-arranging ♪ ♪ Darling, there's hardly ♪ ♪ Anything ♪ ♪ Burning faster for you ♪ ♪ You say, "Don't go, oh-oh" ♪ Woman: Let go... ♪ Don't go ♪ ♪ Everything close ♪ ♪ Oh, but you know ♪ ♪ Oh, let it go ♪ ♪ Darling, there's more than ♪ ♪ Anything burning faster for you ♪ ♪ You'll say, "Don't go, oh-oh" ♪ ♪ Don't go, oh-oh... ♪ ♪ Farewell, she knew ya... ♪ (Knocking on door) Gretchen: Come in. Edgar: I know this isn't a great time, but there's something I have to say. Gretchen, this is going to upset you, and Jimmy... You're going to hate me for ratting, but... Jimmy: Edgar, we're not doing anything! Gretchen: What's the awful news, Edgar? Edgar: Uh, just that... I was making you guys nachos "a la Jimmy and Gretchen" and it turns out we're out of peanuts. Jimmy: So...? Make them without the peanuts. Edgar: Okay. I will. Oh, and, uh... you're welcome. Gretchen: For the nachos? Edgar: Yeah. For the nachos.
Plan: A: Becca; Q: Who does Vernon make a pass at? A: their relationship; Q: What do Vernon and Becca enter counseling to rescue? A: The counselor; Q: Who recommends Vernon and Becca eliminate any "toxic elements" in their lives? A: Jimmy; Q: Who is the one who has sex with the actress? A: a large bill; Q: What do Jimmy and Gretchen run up on Vernon's credit card? A: a magazine article; Q: What is Jimmy interviewing the latest Hollywood "It" actress for? A: nude pictures; Q: What does Gretchen dare Jimmy to get of the actress? A: hateful responses; Q: What does Jimmy get when he texts his old girlfriends? A: Lindsay; Q: Who cheats on Paul with a young man from Ohio? A: a bar; Q: Where do Gretchen and Lindsay interview prospects? A: Edgar; Q: Who decides to keep the secret of Jimmy's infidelity? A: Jimmy's infidelity; Q: What does Edgar struggle with whether he should tell Gretchen about? A: a priest; Q: Who does Edgar consult at the local Veterans Administration office? A: a local radio call-in show; Q: What is the name of the radio show that Edgar consults? A: no help; Q: What does Edgar get from the priest and the radio show? A: the contest; Q: What do Jimmy and Gretchen tire of? A: Stephen Falk; Q: Who is the host of the radio show? Summary: Vernon and Becca enter counseling to rescue their relationship. The counselor recommends that they eliminate any "toxic elements" in their lives. They take Jimmy and Gretchen to breakfast, and tell them they are being eliminated from their lives. Jimmy and Gretchen run up a large bill on Vernon's credit card. Jimmy tells Gretchen he is interviewing the latest Hollywood "It" actress for a magazine article. Gretchen dares him to get nude pictures of her. Jimmy has sex with the actress, which causes a competition to arise between him and Gretchen as to who can have the most sex. Jimmy texts all his old girlfriends and gets hateful responses. He then makes a pass at Becca. Gretchen and Lindsay interview prospects in a bar. Lindsay cheats on Paul with a young man from Ohio ; Edgar struggles with whether he should tell Gretchen about Jimmy's infidelity, unaware that she goaded him into it. He consults a priest at the local Veterans Administration office, and a local radio call-in show, but gets no help from either. Both Jimmy and Gretchen tire of the contest and realize they have been avoiding the issue of "going exclusive ". They decide to be exclusive. Edgar decides all's well that ends well, and keeps the "secret" to himself. Stephen Falk provides the voice of the call-in show host.
Scene 1: Maryann's party - Sam, Daphne, Terry, Arlene Sam and Daphne are in the woods. Sam: What did you say? Daphne: OH, you heard me. Come on. Keep up, slowpoke. Sam: Well, hey, I don't know what you're talking about. Daphne: You're so lonesome, Sam. I saw it in your eyes last night at the lake. Sam: What? It was dark, you did not. Daphne: Did too. You're carrying that secret like a 2-ton sack of feed on your back. It doesn't have to be that way. Sam: Secret. What secret? Daphne: Fibber. Sam: I ain't in the mood tonight, little girl. Daphne? Daphne? Daphne has disappeared. Sam sees a doe. Sam: Weel, hey. The animal becomes Daphne; she's a shape shifter. Daphne: Hey, your own self. Credit Sam: Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ, you... you... you... you're... Daphne: Shape shifter, and proud of it. Sam: How'd you...? How did you find out about me? Daphne: Last night in the woods? I watched a dog jump in the water and it came up you. Isn't this great? Sam: Yeah. Yeah, it's... it's pretty great. Daphne: You're not alone anymore. They kiss. Arlene and Terry arrive. Daphne: Oh, crap. Hand me my drawers. Sam: Hey, Terry. Arlene. Terry: Hey, Sam. Arlene: Daphne. Daphne: Hey. Terry: Good party. Sam: Yup. Daphne: Um, later, darling. Mwah. Sam: Oh, wait...wait. Ashley leaves, running. Arlene: It's in the air, I guess. Sam: Yeah, looks like it. Terry: See you at work. Sam: Right. Terry: Come on, special lady. Terry and Arlene leave. Sam: Daphne? Scene 2: Carmilla's hotel - Barry, Sookie Sookie: Wait! Barry (voice off): Oh, s***, she's following me. Oh, s***, oh, s***. What the f*** are you? Go away, just don't hurt me. Sookie: I am the last person you should be afraid of. And I'm so pleased to make your acquaintance. Sookie Stackhouse. Barry: Gotta go. Sookie: We have to talk about this. Barry: No, we don't. (A man walks in front of them) Have a good evening, sir. Sookie: Well, excuse you. Barry: Don't do that. Sookie: He didn't hear. He's glamoured, can't you tell? Listen. His mind's full of fog and disco music. By the way, they can't glamour me. Can they glamour you? Barry: No, but I fake it. Sookie voice off: You ever hear any vampire thoughts? Barry: God, no. don't even say that out loud. Sookie: Uh, I didn't. Barry: Listen, I don't know what little fried corn-on-the-cob town you're from, or what candy-ass vampires you're with, but this is Dallas, baby. Sookie: You watch your tone of voice. And don't you call me "baby". Barry: Dallas vamps are serious and scary as s***. Sookie: Mine are too, thank you very much. I had to learn pretty quick how to handle myself around them. Barry: If they knew what we could do, they'd suck us dry. Sookie: They'd do worse than that. You think I don't know? That's why we need to swap stories. We can help each other. Barry: I don't want any help. Just forget about it. You can't tell anybody about me, please. Barry leaves. Scene 3: Bill's hotel room - Bill, Jessica, Sookie, Hoyt, Maxine Bill: Jessica, we discussed this. Jessica: All I did was order him off the menu. You didn't say not to order off the menu. Bill: I would no more allow you to feed on that young man than to watch the pornography on television. Sookie comes in the room. Jessica: Porno? Bill: Jessica... Jessica: Hey, Sookie, there's dirty movies on TV. Sookie: I know. Yuck. Bill (to Jessica): To your room, please. Tru Blood. Jessica: You are going to be sorry when I get an eating disorder. Private! Keep out! Jessica goes in her room. Bill: Sookie, where have you been? Sookie: I was asking the bellboy, if there's a candy machine, what's a continental breakfast...? Bill: You cannot wander off on your own. The situation is more complicated than we thought. We don't know nearly enough about the Dallas vampires. Sookie: They can't touch me. I'm yours. Every single part of me. Completely and totally yours. Bill: I don't think it matters to them, sweetheart. Sookie: As long as it matters to you. Bill: Sookie, Sookie, Sookie. Tell me you understand. Promise me you'll do as I say, not because I say it, but for your own sake. Sookie: Bill, I've known since the airport that we're up to our necks in a big old vampire mess again. I don't want to get beat up or dead, I'm not gonna do anything stupid. Is this room secure, do you think? Bill: Yeah, I believe so. But... Sookie: Then, honey, for a little while, let's not worry. We have something to be happy about. Bill: I don't think so. Sookie: Yes, we do. We're in a vampire hotel. It's light-tight. For the very first time, you don't have to leave me alone in bed at dawn. Bill: I forgot about that. Sookie: I didn't. Bill: My only desire is to keep you safe. Sookie: Your only desire? Bill: Well... no. They kiss. Hoyt is in his room, reading. His cell phone rings. Hoyt: Your'e talking to the man. Jessica: Hoyt? Hoyt Fortenberry? Hoyt: Yeah, who's this? Jessica is on her bed. Jessica: Jessica Hamby. Maybe you don't remember me. Hoyt: Jessica. Oh, my Lord. I remember you, all right. I can't stop thinking about you. Jessica: Really? I mean, really-really? Hoyt: Really-really, and then some more. Maxine enters in Hoyt's bedroom. Maxine: Hoyt! Hoyt: Can you hang on? Maxine: Who the heck is calling you at this time of night? It's a girl, isn't it? I know it's a girl. Well, you tell her it's not decent or ladylike to... (Hoyt closes his door) How dare you lock the door on me in my own house? Hoyt (to Jessica): So where were we? Jessica: Well, you were telling me how you couldn't stop thinking about me, and, well, I can't stop thinking about you. And I'm all bored here in Dallas. Hoyt: You want to watch TV together long-distance? Or I could tell you about my comic book. Jessica: Well, we could do both. I mean, I would just love that. Hoyt: Okay. So it's called Space Tomb. And this time they're on the planet Historion and Sea Leopard's just pitching a fit. Scene 4: Lord of the Day Institute - Gabe, Jason, Sarah, Luke Jason is sleeping in his room when enters. Gabe: Get up! Get up! Get up! I said get up. Put on your sweats. Jason: What's happening? Gabe: Come on, let's haul your butt outside, you pansy fangbanger. Let's go! Jason: God! Gabe: My God, that's right. Rise and shine for God! Come on, let's go. Move, move, move! They are all outside. Gabe: Stand up straight. Make a line you can be proud of. Let's go. You're supposed to be leadership material. Mrs. Newlin? Sarah: I know you're wondering what this is all about. Well, God needs your obedience, God needs your will and your faith. And in due time, all will be revealed to you. Jason: Uh, could somebody reveal a bathroom? Because I really need one. Sarah: Sorry, not till you've earned it. Gabe: Jumping jacks, everyone. Let's go. Maximum effort. (To Jason) You too goof this, Stackhouse? I'm telling you right now, I want to see a change in your attitude. I want to see command presence. You don't want to do the Lord's work? You feel like walking away? Go ahead. You stay, you drop and give me 30. I said give me 30! Luke laughs. Gabe: I'll tell you when you can laugh, you puissant little sinner. Give me 50. Start pushing. Anyone else? That the best you ladies can do? You disgust me, all of you! Pitiful! I pray Jesus isn't watching this crap today. Scene 5: Sookie's house - Tara, Eggs Tara wakes up. Eggs is still sleeping. He wakes up too. Eggs: Hey, come back. Tara: I'm here. I'm right here with you. I was just thinking about Sookie's gran. She was like my mom. Such a good person. Truly good, through and through. Eggs: What would she think of me? Tara: Oh, she'd like you. She did appreciate a handsome man. Eggs: Well, I wish I could've met her. Tara: Me too. She made this house the one place in the world I felt safe. And now I'm gonna live here. Eggs: Happy day after your birthday. Tara: It was the only good one I ever had, because of you. Eggs: The first of many, Tara Mae. Scene 6: Hotel Carmilla - Sookie, Bill, Barry, a woman Sookie wakes up. Bill is still sleeping. She goes downstairs. Sookie: This is the continental breakfast? Barry: What's wrong with it? Sookie: I just thought it would be more... continental. Barry: Well, the danishes are Danish. And they're free. Sookie: Free? I didn't know that. Would it be all right if i...? Barry: Yeah, whatever. Sookie: Now, Barry, let's get to it. Barry: Why won't you just leave me alone? Sookie: Because I've never met another telepath, have you? Barry: No. And don't say that word. Sookie: It's what you are. Nobody else knows what it's like to be us. We need to stick together. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Barry: Yes, it is. My life is s***. I can't do anything normal people do. If I'm not around a bunch of vampires, I can't hardly think. Sookie: I used to feel exactly the same. Like I had a disability. Barry: More like a curse. Sookie: But lately, since I met my boyfriend, it seems like telepathy can come in handy sometimes. You can even make a little money. I'm starting to see it in a whole new way. Barry: Then you're even crazier than I am. Woman voice off: Ow, Brazilian wax. Feels like that b**** ripped out my female organs. Get a vamp to pay for laser. Somebody bite me. Sookie voice off: Concentrate. Shut her out. Concentrate so hard your hair hurts, till everything goes quiet. Concentrate... Barry: Quit! Woman: Do you know if Hotel Carmilla's hiring? There wasn't anybody at the desk. Barry: No, ma'am, we're fully staffed, but you can fill out an application we'll keep it on file. Come with me. Sookie: You can control it. Barry: I wish it was true. Sookie: Barry, it is. I can teach you how. Barry: There's enough people in my brain already. You're on your own. (to the woman) Right this way. She goes back to her room. Bill: I dreamed you were gone. Sookie: You did? That's funny, because I was. Bill: Sookie... Sookie: It was only for a few minutes. I had to. Bill, it's the most amazing thing. I met another telepath. He's not very nice and he's not very good at it. But, oh, it's wonderful knowing there's somebody besides me. Bill: You made him aware of your gift after everything I've said? Sookie: Not on purpose. We were in each other's heads before we knew it. I thought you'd be happy for me. Bill: The more people know what you do, the harder it is for me to protect you. Sookie: He can't even admit what he is to himself. He's not gonna do any talking about me. Bill: You can't be sure. Sookie: Yes, I can. I'm good at this. Look, if all I'm supposed to do in Dallas is shut up and take orders, I might as well be slinging beers at Merlotte's. You're the one who told me I was more than a waitress. Bill: You are. But... Sookie: What? Bill: Never mind. Sookie: Talk to me. Lean on me. I've leaned on you plenty. Bill: Well, here I am, responsible for you and Jessica, and yet no decisions are mine and it makes me feel... Sookie: Like a human? Bill: Like a waitress. Sookie: You're walking on my shoes and it's giving you blisters. Bill: Eric is strangely intense about all this. It's not like him. I don't trust it. Sookie: Don't you worry about Eric. We'll do the job and go home. A deal's a deal. Bill: Sookie, you know what he's like. What's it take him to break a contract with a girl? Sookie: A woman. He needs me. He won't want to make me mad. Bill: I can't lose you. Sookie: You never will. Scene 7: Merlotte's - Arlene, Daphne, Terry, Sam, Lafayette Daphne: Hope you're enjoying that Co-Cola, Arlene. Arlene: Well, thank you, Daphne, I am. Because unlike you, I actually did my closing prep last night. Daphne: I'd appreciate it if you gave me a hand, just for today. Arlene: Then you'll never learn. Now, some people around here might let you slide on by, but I'm thinking about your future as a server. Daphne: That's real generous. Arlene: Don't forget to make the iced tea. (Terry arrives) Hey, good-looking. Terry: Hey... you. Daphne: Terry, could you make the iced tea for me, please? Terry: Uh... Arlene: Don't you do it. Daphne: Please? Terry: Uh... Arlene: You better not. (He leaves) See what you did. Arlene runs after Terry. Daphne: Mean old freckle-face redheaded witch. Sam arrives. Sam: Good morning, Daphne. Daphne: Back at you, boss. Sam: Hey, why'd you take off last night? I looked everywhere for you. Daphne: I just went for a little run. You know, I always seem to need one after a shift. Sam: Hey, me too. Daphne: I reckon you had all you could handle for one night anyway. Sam: I reckon you underestimate me. Daphne: Guess we'll find out. Sam: When? Daphne: Soon. Sam: Better be. Daphne leaves. Arlene: Lafayette! Oh! Terry, Lafayette's back! Terry: Thank God, brother. Thank God. Lafayette (to Sam): Can we talk? Sam and Lafayette go in Sam's office. Sam: Where the f*** have you been? Couldn't pick up a damn phone? Lafayette: Sorry. Sam: Well, sorry's not good enough. Not only did you leave us high and dry, but there are people here who give a s*** about you. We didn't know if you were alive or dead. Hey, ordinarily, uh, right about now, you'd be telling me to f*** off in some colorful and creative way. Well, you want to talk, do some talking. Lafayette: Sam... all I want to know is, can I have my job back? Sam: I ought to tell you to f*** off. All that pressure in the kitchen just about put Terry back in the VA hospital. Yeah, of course you can have your job back. The place ain't the same without you. Lafayette: Thank you, Sam. Sam: Hey, Lafayette. What happened to you? Lafayette leaves. Scene 8: The LODI - Jason, Gabe, Sarah, Luke Gabe: It's midnight. You're out of ammo. You got five hungry vampires snapping at your ass. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Soldiers: Run. Gabe: Run fast. A soldier falls down. Jason: Whoa, whoa, get up. You gotta keep going. You have five hungry, snapping vampires. Soldier: F*** it, I hate this, I just want to be a bank teller again. Luke: That's fine, dude. Let the vampires chew you up. You're not good enough to lead for the Lord. That's how you do it, Stackhouse. Jason: You better pace yourself. Luke (running): This is my pace. Whoo! Jason: A******. Scene 9: Sookie's house - Maryann, Tara, Eggs Tara: Are you still here? Or did you come back? Maryann: Karl and I slept over. Don't you remember? Maybe not. You were having a very nice time. Tara: Maybe not. What's all this? Maryann: Oh, looks like we need a place to stay. Tara: Stay today? Stay tonight? Maryann: Uh... little while. Tara: But you have your own home. Maryann: That's not mine. Tara: What? Maryann: It belongs to one of my clients. He was out of the country, but he's back this morning. I'm sure I told you, no? Tara: No. you... you didn't. Maryann: Hm. Tara: Look, I... I hate to tell you this, but this isn't gonna work. Maryann: But I assumed... and we've all been so happy living together, that you'd want to have us close. Tara: Maryann, I'm a guest here myself. I can't be having a houseful of people Sookie doesn't even know. Maryann: She wouldn't mind. You explain how much we mean to you. Tara: Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be more grateful for everything you've done. But I don't feel right about this. You can't move in. I'm sorry. Maryann: Oh. I see. Okay. Maryann leaves. Tara goes in the saloon where Eggs is. Tara: Did you know Maryann want us all to be roommates here? Eggs: No, cool. I guess that other guy came back from Peru. Tara: No, not cool. Not gonna happen. I just moved in. Eggs: Okay, fine, we can go somewhere else, if that's how you feel. Tara: That's all you got to say? Eggs: Relax, it's no big deal. Tara: What are you...? What are you, nomads? F****** Bedouins? Eggs: We move around a little bit. Nothing wrong with that. Tara: Nothing except I didn't know. You could've told me. Eggs: Who cares? I mean, what matters is being with the people you love. Tara: Well, other things matter too. Like knowing the truth about people you love. So while we're on the subject, what exactly is your thing with Maryann? Eggs: Well, when I was ready to lay down and die, she lifted me up, same as she did you. Tara: Now you follow her whenever she goes? Eggs: I'm not her dog, if that's what you're trying to say. And why all of a sudden are you so paranoid about Maryann? Tara: Because I'm trying not to be a fool. Eggs: You know what this is really about? Your history's so f***** up, you have no clue what family is. Tara: That's not fair. I do have a clue. Sort of. Kind of. Eggs: Who gives a damn about a house? Maryann, Karl and me, we take care of each other. We took care of you. That's family, Tara. He leaves. Scene 10: LODI - Gabe, Luke, Jason, Sarah Gabe: How are we gonna work on our defensive tactics if we can't even climb a fence? Let's go. Next, come on. Come on. (It's Luke's turn) Get up there, get up there. Let's go, come on. Come on. (Luke falls down) You should have paced yourself. If you're laying down, you better be dead. Stand up. Come on. Why do you embarrass me? Why do you straight-out embarrass me? What's your name, failure? Jason: Luke. It's Luke. Gabe: Well, Luke, your entire family has been ambushed by vampires, and they're bleeding to death on the other side of this fence. Luke: No. Gabe: Yeah. Yeah, they are. Your mama and daddy are drowning in buckets of their own blood calling your name. it's gonna be over in 30 seconds. Let's go. (Luke cries) Nice work, Luke. They're gone. Massacred. You'll never see them again and it's your own damn fault. Stay right there. Luke: I tried. Gabe to the soldiers: Now what are you gonna do? He's a big fat loser. He's brought shame on himself, shame on you and shame on his religion. What's a real leader gonna do? Luke: Just get rid of me. Just leave me. Gabe: Up to you. Jason goes to help Luke. Jason: Luke, look at me. Hey. It's only a damn fence. Come on. Come on. I got you, brother. It's not too late. You're gonna save your family. Gabe: Now that's a freaking soldier of God. Good job. Sarah: Good job, Jason. Jason: Praise his light. Sarah: Whoo! Whoo! Godd work! Gabe: Next! Let's go, let's go. Sarah: Come on, guys. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 11: Godric's house - Eric, Bill, Isabel, Sookie, Stan Stan: You should have told me Eric hired a f****** human, Isabel. Sookie: Now, wait just a minute. Bill: Respect her. Sookie: Thank you. Isabel: I couldn't tell you, Stan. You've been off on your own for days. Eric: Are you certain Godric was abducted by the FotS? Stan: Yes. Isabel: No. Stan: They're the only ones with the organization and manpower. Isabel: But they're amateurs. It doesn't make any sense. This is Godric we're talking about, 2000 years old. Stan: Old don't make you smart. Isabel: Besides, there's no proof. Sookie: If they've got him, I'll hear it. That's my job. Stan: There's no reason to wait. We need to take these fanatics down. Full-out attack. Exterminate them like the vermin they are, leave no trace. Isabel: Hum, vampire-hating church annihilated. Wonder who did it? F****** brilliant. Bill: I doubt the King of Texas would approve the destruction of our international political agenda. Stan: F*** that. The great revelation is the biggest mistake we ever made. Isabel: Don't use Godric to make your own little power play. Eric: You're completely incompetent! What's happened to Godric is that he surrounds himself with clowns. Isabel: We invited you as a courtesy. This is not your territory. You have no voice here. Stan: Yeah, sheriff. Why don't you run o back down to Louisiana. We don't need you or your puppets. Eric: Oh, I'm not going anywhere. Sookie: And I'm nobody's puppet. Bill: What we need is a plan. Stan: I have a plan. Isabel: It's not a plan, it's a movie. Stan: It's not a movie, it's a war. Eric: Idiots. Scene 12: The Newlin's - Sarah, Steve, Gabe, Jason. Sarah and Steve are talking. Steve: I'm in the middle of something... Sarah: I know. Steve: ... you can't come in here in front of my people. Sarah: Well, I want to talk to you about it. Steve: I've got to het them to respect me... Sarah: Steve. Steve, we are supposed to be partners. Steve: We are partners. Sarah: Then why does Gabe always know more than I do? Steve: I don't have time for this. Sarah: You mean you don't have time for me. Steve (to Gabe): this is very valuable information, Gabe. It's excellent work. Sarah: I told both of you, I don't care for this. You're going too darn far. Gabe: Thank you, Reverend Newlin. I'll, uh, put things in motion. Steve: Thanks. Gabe leaves. Sarah: You don't listen to me at all anymore. Steve: What? Jason arrives. Sarah: Jason! Jason: Oh, uh, you wanted me? Sarah: Yes! You were fantastic today. Steve, he was such a warrior. Steve: So you said. I'm impressed. You're rising to the next level recruit. Jason: I am? What's that? Steve: Come take a little walk with me. Sarah: I'll go too. Steve: We got it, honey. I'm going to show you something that very few people have seen. Steve and Jason are on the stairs. Steve: Man to man? Sometimes I almost understand why some people believe in divorce. Jason: But you got Sarah. Steve: Yeah. I got her even when I don't want her. Oh, you know I'm just kidding. All right, you ready? Jason: Yes, sir. Steve (opening a door): Light of Day Institute Research and Development. Jason: Holy sh... Holiness! Steve: Yeah. We're not exactly sure yet of all the ways to take them out. At first we just focused on the guns, but then we thought, well, hey, what's a wooden arrow? Jason: Well, it's an itty-bitty stake. Steve: That's right, Jason. An itty-bitty stake to drive through a vampire's dead, rotten heart at 324 feet per second. Jason: And that's all she wrote. Steve: I got silver bullets, silver bullets with holy water, wooden bullets. We talked about those. Jason: Yes, sir. Steve: A flamethrower. Jason: Whoa, man! Steve: Silver throwing stars. Jason: Now, that I wouldn't have thought of. Ho-wah! Steve: Decapitation might work, so we got a guillotine on order, just in case. Jason: What...? Steve: Oh, that's, uh... machine like a giant razor. Cuts the heads right off. Jason: Yeah, I bet that'd do it, all right. Steve: There's one good thing about having these hell beasts among us, we'll find better ways to kill the... Amen. Jason: Amen. Scene 13: Merlotte's - Maryann, Karl, Arlene Maryann and Karl are in the car, in the parking. They stop in front of the Merlotte's. Maryann: Keep it running. We're not going in. In the restaurant: Arlene: You wanna give me your order, please? Client: We already gave our orders to that other girl, twice. Arlene: Sorry, she sucks. Client 2: And what's wrong with that fool bartender? Where's our beers? Arlene: Tara! Client: You don't need any beers. Your butt's as big as a barn. Client 2: Well, you look like you're pregnant. Sam: Nice of you to show up for work tonight. Tara: I said I was sorry. Arlene: I would have got fired. Lucky you slept with the boss. Tara: Arlene! Sam: Tara, step up your game. We're way behind. Arlene, don't make me fire you for talking trash. Terry: You be nice to her, Sam. It's Tara's fault, anyway. Tara: What's my fault? Terry: Sleeping where you eat. Tara: Jesus Christ, Terry, what'd I ever do to you? Arlene: You leave him alone and give me my beers! Tara: You know what? Here they are. F*** you very much. Arlene: F*** you too. Daphne: Okay, I'm gonna go just get my... Oh! Son of a... Arlene: Go, Daphne. Daphne: ... b****! Oh, congratulations, Arlene. You're Merlotte's Best Waitress for life. Quite frankly, I aim a little higher. Arlene: Well, aim the plates for the tables, that's all I ask. Daphne: I hope I'm nicer to the people when I'm your age. Tara, how freaking long do I have to wait for my 7 and 7, diet and rum, two scotches and a screwdriver? Tara: You never gave me that order. Daphne: Yes, I did. You just weren't paying attention. Tara: No, you weren't and yes, I was. Lafayette: Cos, what's the holdup on my tequila? Tara: You never asked me for a tequil... Daphne: You know I think Tara's on drugs. Sam: Tara, you high? Tara: Okay, I wish I was, that way everybody's dogging me. Sam: Tara. Daphne: Tara. Terry: Tara. Arlene: Tara. Tara: F*** all y'all! Maryann: We're done. Scene 14: In the bathroom - Jason, Sarah. Jason is taking a bath when someone comes in. Jason: Get on outta here. Bathtub's occupied. Sarah: I know. Jason: Sarah? Did I stay too long? Do you want me to leave? Sarah: Please don't. I'll help you. Mary Magdalene washed the feet of Jesus and dried them with her hair. Isn't that lovely? Jason: Yeah... but wasn't she, like... a hooker? Sarah: She was not. Everybody thinks so, but that's not in the Bible. She admired Jesus, she loved him, and she wanted to show him. Jason: No. Sarah: You don't mean it. Jason: No, I don't, but I ought to. Sarah: Do you know what I think? I think that after all your trials, heartache and pain, God wants you to have a reward. Jason: Are you sure? Sarah: Let me reward you, Jason. Let me help you find your way back to joy. Jason: Oh. Scene 15: Godric's - Stan, Isabel, Bill, Sookie, Eric Stan: We take them all out at once. Pre-empty strike. Isabel: Of course, so the federal government can bombs us back to the Middle Ages. Stan: Things were better then. Isabel: Then go to Romania and live on a cave, you ranchero poser. Eric: Godric has protected you, made you rich, and you stand here spitting and scratching like infants. Bill: Don't any of you care that there's a traitor in your midst? Stan: No. Isabel: Impossible. Sookie: Somebody tried to kidnap me from the airport. Bill: You were the only ones that knew she was coming. Eric: Explain. Stan: Unless it was you... Isabel: Unless it was you. Sookie: Look,, if y'all argue any more, I'll either fall asleep or start screaming, so this is what we're gonna do: I will infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun. Bill: Absolutely not. Eric: Let her speak. Sookie: Since Bill glamoured the kidnapper, no one knows who I am. I'll pretend to join the church, and check out their thoughts. Bill: No. During the day, none of us can help you. Sookie: It'll only take a little while. Really, Bill. It's simple. Stan: Waste of time, when we could drink them all. I want no part of this. He leaves. Isabel: There's no easier way to find out if they're involved. Eric: If it leads us to Godric, we'll do it. The decision is made. Bill: A few words. Eric and Bill go in a corner. Isabel: So tell me, how goes your human-vampire relationship? Bill: You knew it would come to this. She was just clawed and poisoned by a creature we don't know and we can't find, and now, in Dallas, you're playing with her life. Eric: It's no game to me. Bill: All this for a colleague? For the Sheriff of Area Nine? Why? Flash back Eric: Eric (to the soldiers): Go on. I'm' finished. Go on. Soldier one: No. Soldier two: Eric... you saved our lives a hundred times. We won't leave you to be eaten by wolves. Soldier one: We'll wait for the end by your side. We'll give you a hero's farewell. The gods wait for you in Valhalla. Soldier two: There will be a party with meat... and gold... and beer. Soldier one: And women? Will there be women? Eric: Wherever I am... there will always be women. They take him to another place. Soldier two: All will be well. Don't be afraid. Eric: I'm not afraid. I'm pissed off. Soldier one: Who's there? Show yourself! Someone kills the two soldiers. Eric: Are you death? Godric: I am. Eric: But you're just a little boy. Godric: I'm not. Eric: My men... Godric: Dead. Eric: You swine. Godric: I watched you on the battlefield last night. I never saw anyone fight like you. Eric: I would fight you now if I could. Godric: I know. It's beautiful. Eric: What are you waiting for? Kill me. Godric: Could you be a companion of Death? Could you walk with me through the world... through the dark? I'll teach you all I know. I'll be your father, your brother, your child. Eric: What's in it for me? Godric: What you live most: Life. Eric: Life. Godric bites Eric. End flash back. Eric: Godric is my maker. Scene 16: Merlotte's - Sam, Daphne Sam: Thanks for helping me close. Daphne: Oh, yeah. I broke a lotta things today, it's the least I can do. Sam: I'm sure you'll make it up to me. Daphne: I'm sure I will. Mm, nice, you run a little hot. Sam: Yeah. Everybody else is 98.6 but I'm always around 100, 101. Daphne: Me too. It's a shifter thing. Sam: Yeah? I never knew. Daphne: I can't believe I'm the first one you've ever met. I mean, we're not common, but we are out there. Sam: Ran into a few werewolves... but nobody like us. Daphne: What's it feel like when you change? Sam: Like sparks running all over my skin. Used to scare the sh1t out of me. Daphne: Uh-huh, me too. But now it just feels awesome. Sam: Yeah, and there's... there's sort of a build. Like, a pressure. Daphne: Where does it start? Here? Maybe...? Maybe here? Probably here, because that... that's where it hits me. Sam: Yeah, that's it. Right about there. And sparks start flying inside too. Daphne: And you feel all lit up like a broke power cable. Sam: Or a Christmas tree. Daphne: And then things just explode. Sam: Well, are you gonna say or should i? Daphne: Say what? Sam: Nice rack. Daphne: Nice balls. They begin to make love. Scene 17: Hotel Carmilla - Sookie, Bill, Receptionist Sookie: I have to ask a question. Human stuff. Bill: I'll wait for you at the elevator. Sookie: Excuse me, is Barry the bellboy working tonight? Receptionist: No, I'm sorry, Barry quit today. Sookie: What? Oh, shoot. Thanks. Scene 18: Sookie's house - Tara, Maryann, Eggs Maryann is in the kitchen and Tara arrives. Tara: Are you waiting up for me? Maryann: I guess I am. Rough night? Tara: Really rough. Maryann: We looked at houses today. We didn't find anything, but don't worry, we'll be out by morning. I filled the fridge with your favorite things and I made you dinner. Tara: Don't go. I'll call Sookie. I want you to stay. You're so good to me. Maryann: You know why I'm good to you? Because you need it so much. And because it makes you bloom like a flower. Eggs is in the bedroom, Tara arrives. Tara: Look at you. The King of Sheba. Eggs: Hey, baby. Scene 19: Hotel Carmilla - Sookie, Bill Sookie and Bill are in the bed. Bill: You saw them in the lair tonight. Despicable. Vicious, petty, vile creatures. Sookie: You're different. You're not like them. Bill you're not. You have a heart, whether it beats or not. You can love. There wasn't one other vampire there that could say the same. Bill: Let's slip away back to Bon Temps right now. Let them devour each other and leave us alone. Sookie: You know we can't do that. Stan's as nutty as a fruitcake and I gave my word to Eric. Bill: If anything happens to you in that church... Sookie: Don't say it. Don't even think it. I'll be in and out, easy-peasy. Oh, Bill. Bill: It's been a long night. Don't feel like you have to... Sookie: Quit talking crazy. Bill: I just meant I would be satisfied to simply hold you. Sookie: Well, I would not be satisfied. Not one bit. Bill: Then what do you want, Sookie? Say it. Sookie: I want you. Every which way. I just... want you. They begin to make love. A woman is walking through their room. Sookie: Oh, Bill. The woman is a vampire.
Plan: A: Tara's birthday party; Q: What is still in full swing as Sam follows Daphne out into the woods? A: Daphne; Q: Who does Sam have sex with? A: Terry and Arlene and Daphne wanders; Q: Who interrupts Sam and Daphne's make out session? A: Dallas; Q: Where does the Louisiana gang come closer to solving the mystery of Godric's disappearance? A: Barry; Q: Who does Sookie try to teach about telepathy? A: his abilities; Q: What does Barry tell Sookie he is ashamed of? A: serious trouble; Q: What does Barry tell Sookie if the Dallas vampires find out about his abilities? A: trouble; Q: What does Maryann stir up in Bon Temps? A: Jessica; Q: Who calls Hoyt after Bill reprimands her for ordering a young man off of the Carmilla Hotel menu? A: comic books; Q: What do Jessica and Hoyt talk about? A: the Light of Day Institute; Q: Where is Jason put through an intensive training course? A: Jason; Q: Who helps Luke complete an exercise? A: a very demanding drill instructor; Q: Who is the other person who puts Jason through the training course? A: Luke; Q: Who is having trouble completing one of the exercises at the Light of Day Institute? A: Maryann; Q: Who tries to move into Sookie's house with Tara? A: Bon Temps; Q: Where does Maryann try to move into Sookie's house? A: Sookie's house; Q: Where does Tara invite Maryann to live? A: her spell; Q: What does Maryann cast on the patrons of Merlotte's? A: the Louisiana gang; Q: Who is trying to find out what happened to Godric? A: a convert; Q: What did Sookie pretend to be in order to infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun? A: the plan; Q: What does Bill disapprove of when Sookie offers to infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun? A: Eric; Q: Who reveals that Godric saved him from death by turning him into a vampire? A: Steve; Q: Who shows Jason the seriousness of their mission? A: an argument; Q: What is Steve and Sarah having when Jason walks in on them? A: serious weapons; Q: What does Steve show Jason in the bunker? A: the bath tub; Q: Where does Sarah approach Jason? A: a handjob; Q: What does Sarah give Jason for his hard work? A: Lafayette; Q: Who is given his job back as the Merlotte's cook? A: his job; Q: What did Barry quit? A: love; Q: What does Bill and Sookie make as they are comforting each other? A: Lorena; Q: Who is Bill's maker? Summary: Tara's birthday party is still in full swing as Sam follows Daphne out into the woods, where she reveals to him that she is a shapeshifter too. They start to make out, but are interrupted by Terry and Arlene and Daphne wanders off. In Dallas, Sookie chases Barry, and he tells her that if any of the Dallas vampires find out about his abilities, it would mean serious trouble for both of them. After Bill reprimands her for ordering a young man off of the Carmilla Hotel menu, Jessica calls Hoyt and the two share a conversation about comic books. At the Light of Day Institute, Jason and the others are put through an intensive training course by Sarah and a very demanding drill instructor. When Luke has trouble completing one of the exercises, Jason helps him out and is commended for being a real soldier of God. Meanwhile, Sookie tries to connect with Barry one more time and learns that he is ashamed of his abilities and cannot control his telepathy the way she can. Even though she offers to teach him, Barry tells her to leave him alone. Maryann continues to stir up trouble in Bon Temps after trying to move into Sookie's house with Tara, who rebuffs her. She casts her spell upon the patrons of Merlotte's, turning them all against Tara and making her feel isolated and alone. Eventually, Tara invites Maryann to live at Sookie's house with her. In Dallas, the Louisiana gang come a step closer to solving the mystery of Godric's disappearance when Sookie offers to infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun by posing as a convert in order to see if they are the ones holding Godric. Bill disapproves of the plan until Eric reveals that centuries ago Godric saved him from death by turning him into a vampire and becoming Eric's maker. After walking in on Steve and Sarah having an argument, Steve shows Jason the seriousness of their mission in the form of a bunker full of serious weapons. Sarah later approaches Jason in the bath tub and "rewards" him for his hard work by giving him a handjob. Lafayette is given his job back as the Merlotte's cook. Sam and Daphne have sex. Sookie is sad to learn that Barry has quit his job, and Bill tries to comfort her. As they start to make love, a woman appears in the hallway outside their room. It is Bill's maker, Lorena.
OPEN OUTSIDE ELDER GILMORE POOLHOUSE - EVENING [View of glass French windows and doors reveals an elegant interior. The nearby swimming pool casts a shimmering light on the building's exterior.] LORELAI: [OS] Shaken, not stirred, please, Jeeves. CUT TO POOLHOUSE INTERIOR [Lorelai and Rory sit on a plush loveseat, Richard on a padded club chair while a male servant mixes drinks at a nearby bar table.] RICHARD: His name is Robert. LORELAI: I thought every butler's name was Jeeves. RICHARD: He's not a butler. He's a valet. LORELAI: So he parks your car? RICHARD: No, he does not park my car. He does exactly what you see him doing. LORELAI: So he is a bartender. RICHARD: He attends to my needs. LORELAI: So he's a geisha. RICHARD: You'll be quieter once you have a drink, I assume. [to Rory] So, young lady, you're starting your second year of Yale this week. RORY: Yeah, I move into Branford on Monday. RICHARD: You're going to love Branford College. That where I lived, you know. RORY: I know. RICHARD: It is the oldest of Yale's residential colleges. They have these Carillon bells that are enchanting, and it has, what was called by Robert Frost, the most beautiful college courtyard in America. [Robert serves drinks] RORY: Well, I'll tell you what, Grandpa -- I'll get settled in, and then we can have lunch there. RICHARD: Ah, that's a deal. ROBERT: You wanted me to remind you that you were going to bring out the Hungarian cheese, sir. RICHARD: Yes I did. I'll be right back. [he stands and exits] RORY: This is crazy. LORELAI: Well, it depends on your definition of "crazy." I, for one, found the Mariah Carey phone messages to her fans just refreshingly imaginative. RORY: We're having drinks in the pool house. LORELAI: Yup. RORY: The last time I was in the pool house was the last time I was in the pool. LORELAI: I know. I pushed you in. RORY: So, Grandpa's actually living out here? [they watch him as he prepares a small tray] LORELAI: Looks like. RORY: Do you think he's happy? LORELAI: I do. I think he's very happy out here with his books and his special friend, Robert. RORY: Don't be gross. LORELAI: What? I'm just saying two grown men out here alone with Hungarian cheese and swim trunks... RORY: Oh, jeez. LORELAI: Don't be so puritanical. After all, Heather has two mommies. RICHARD: All right, we have cheese, we have drinks. Do you each have a coaster? LORELAI: [holds up philosopher pictured coaster] Kierkegaard. RORY: [holds up] Schopenhauer. RICHARD: Excellent. [ Knock on door. Robert opens the door to reveal a female servant. ] ROBERT: Yes? MADONNA LOUISE: Dinner is served in the main house. ROBERT: I will tell Mr. Gilmore. [stiffly walks ten feet to where they are sitting] Dinner is served in the main house. LORELAI: But we haven't finished our drinks yet. MADONNA LOUISE: But the madam is ready now. RICHARD: Well, ladies, it's been a lovely evening. Until next week... LORELAI: Hold on, Dad. [gulps her martini] RORY: Thank you, Grandpa. LORELAI: Yeah. Thanks for the cheese, Dad. Bye. [Rory kisses her grandfather's cheek and follows Lorelai] CUT TO INTERIOR OF MAIN HOUSE - DINING ROOM [Emily, Lorelai and Rory seated alone at the large table. Madonna Louise places a bowl before Lorelai and returns to kitchen.] LORELAI: Hmm. Soup in 100-degree weather. Cool. EMILY: I have the air-conditioning on, Lorelai. RORY: I like it, Grandma. LORELAI: Oh, my God, the sucking up. EMILY: Stop it. [then to Rory] Thank you. It's fennel potato puree with a touch of chili to give it spice. I thought we could go more exotic now that it's just us girls. LORELAI: If you really want an exotic girls' night out, Mom, let's hit Baja. EMILY: So, Rory, tell me, what's new? LORELAI: Different room, same reaction. RORY: Oh, nothing much. EMILY: Really? Well, what was new 20 minutes ago? RORY: Excuse me? EMILY: What did you talk about with your grandfather? RORY: Oh, well -- EMILY: I mean, just because he gets you first in the evening doesn't mean you get to waste all the good stories on him. RORY: I didn't wa -- EMILY: So, you just tell me everything you told him exactly as you told him, leave nothing out. RORY: Okay. Well, I'm moving into Branford College on Monday. EMILY: You know, Robert Frost said that Branford has the most beautiful college courtyard in America. LORELAI: Hmm. You don't say. EMILY: You knew that? RORY: No. EMILY: He told you that? LORELAI: No. EMILY: You've already discussed everything there is to discuss. You're all talked out. LORELAI: We're not all talked out. EMILY: He gets you first, talks you out, and I get two exhausted, empty shells. [notices Richard tip-toeing through the room] What do you think you're doing? RICHARD: I needed to get something out of my study. EMILY: [stands and walks over to him] You are supposed to stay in the pool house. That is what we agreed on. RICHARD: I am in the pool house. EMILY: Oh, really? Right now? RICHARD: No, not right now. I told you I had to get something. EMILY: Well, you should have called, made an appointment. RICHARD: To go into my own study? EMILY: You don't live here anymore, Richard. What if I was sitting in the living room stark-naked? [Both sad, Rory and Lorelai exchange looks.] RICHARD: You've never been in the living room stark-naked. You've never been stark-naked. We went skinny-dipping one night, and you wore an overcoat. EMILY: The water was freezing! [she follows Richard as he exits] RORY: Crazy. LORELAI: You said it, Patsy Cline. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai and Rory enter the diner deep in conversation] LORELAI: Okay, but think about it. Why do we need the word "potty"? Is it really that much harder for a kid to learn the word "bathroom"? RORY: I don't know. [they sit at a table] LORELAI: "Timmy, do you have to go potty?" Or "Timmy, do you have to go to the bathroom?" See? Interchangeable. RORY: Not exactly interchangeable. LORELAI: How are they not interchangeable? RORY: To go potty is an action. To go to the bathroom is to go into a specific place. LORELAI: I hate the word "potty." RORY: Well, what did you teach me to say? LORELAI: "Bathroom." RORY: You did? LORELAI: Yes, of course. RORY: I'm 2, I come up to you and I say, "Mommy, Mommy, I have to go to the -" -- LORELAI: The room where legends die. [Luke walks up with ordering pad in hand] LUKE: What can I get you? RORY: A foster home. LORELAI: You'll thank me one day. [sexy smile to Luke] Hi. LUKE: I'm working. LORELAI: Come on. This is the beginning of a relationship. You're supposed to act stupid. LUKE: I'll do the chicken dance on my lunch break. [to Rory] Heading back to school? RORY: Yeah, sophomore year. LUKE: Anything you want - on the house. LORELAI: [too bright smile] I can't believe you won't flirt with me in front of my daughter. She's gonna think there's something wrong with me. RORY: Please. I got that confirmation letter a long time ago. Scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese and half bacon, half sausage. LORELAI: I'll have the same, and put it on her tab. LUKE: You get your own tab. LORELAI: [dryly] Oh, thank God you don't have a Latin accent, or you'd be completely irresistible. LUKE: Coffee will be ready in a minute. [backs away while subtlety signaling Lorelai with his head.] LORELAI: Be back in a second. [She walks over to the counter. Luke stands behind the counter writing in his ledger book.] LORELAI: [ Clears throat ] You gestured? LUKE: [continues to look down while speaking quietly] Those jeans are really working for you. LORELAI: Yeah? LUKE: They're working for me, too. LORELAI: You're flirting with me. LUKE: Something like that. LORELAI: Finally. Do it some more. LUKE: Your shoes work well with that - shirt. [briefly glances up] LORELAI: Gee, Carson, thanks. LUKE: That's all I can do right now. People are watching. LORELAI: Okay. LUKE: [meaningfully raises his eyes] But tonight I will give you my extremely positive views on other aspects of your being. LORELAI: Tonight? LUKE: Are you free? LORELAI: Yeah, I'm free. LUKE: Good. 7:30. LORELAI: What are we gonna do? LUKE: I've got some thoughts. LORELAI: Alright, but no taking me to an art museum after hours and then to an empty Hollywood bowl where you give me a pair of diamond earrings that you bought with your college money when all the time you're really in love with your best friend, the drummer, who's posing as our driver for the evening. LUKE: [pause] Okay, I'll think of something else. LORELAI: So, what do we say? LUKE: Say? LORELAI: To people, to the town. Do we tell them we're dating? LUKE: I don't know. Do we? LORELAI: I don't know. I guess we could keep it quiet for a while. LUKE: We could -- if that's what you want. LORELAI: No, that's not what I want. LUKE: Why don't we just play it by ear? LORELAI: Yeah, yeah. People will know when they know. LUKE: Okay, sounds good. LORELAI: Okay, so, 7:30? LUKE: 7:30 LORELAI: Are you gonna watch me walk away? LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: I'll add a little jaunt to it for you. [she struts back to Rory and glances back before she sits] RORY: What was that all about? LORELAI: We were just talking about our date for tonight. RORY: A real date? Finally! LORELAI: Yeah, finally. RORY: What are you gonna wear? LORELAI: Mmm, glass slippers, a backwards baseball cap... RORY: ...and nothing else. LORELAI: Exactly. RORY: I'm very excited. LORELAI: Me too. Hey, have you talked to -- RORY: No. LORELAI: Do you think you're going to before you - [Rory shakes her head no to end the topic as Luke walks up.] Oh, food. Thank God. LUKE: Hot plates. LORELAI: See? He called me "Hot Plates." He so likes me. LUKE: Jeez. [embarrassed, he looks around before exiting] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Emily is seated at a small desk looking through paperwork. Maid works busily nearby. High pitches barking is heard in the distance ] EMILY: The mail must be here. [Door bell rings] The Farthingtons' dogs are apoplectic. Ridiculous choice of animal -- a vicious 3-inch ball of hair and a bow -- a ridiculous pink bow for the vicious killers. "Oh, watch out! Cecil Beaton and the Duke of Windsor are headed straight for my shoes!" [maid enters with a handful of mail] Thank you. I'd like some coffee when you get a chance. [the maid nods and exits. Emily shuffles through the mail - opening one envelope] CUT TO KITCHEN [Maid is preparing coffee when Emily enters] EMILY: Did we ever hear back from Mr. Gilmore about the Heart Association luncheon? MADONNA LOUISE: I told his valet about it. EMILY: And what a help that was. Well, call his valet back and tell him I need a meeting with Mr. Gilmore this afternoon. MADONNA LOUISE: Yes, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: Thank you. [ Barking continues ] Oh, shut up! CUT TO YALE COURTYARD [Rory directs two moving men carrying a sofa into her dorm lobby] RORY: Careful. If you stain that, my grandmother will hunt you down and kill you. I wish that I was kidding. I'll get the door. MARTY: Rory! RORY: Marty, hi! It's nice to see you! [they hug] So, are you living here? MARTY: I'm living here. RORY: That's great. So am I. [notices the impatient movers] Oh, sorry. I have to let these guys in. So, how was your summer? MARTY: I met Nicole Richie, and then spent the next six weeks showering. RORY: [holds an interior hall door open for the movers] It should be open. MOVING MAN: [balances sofa and checks knob] Door's locked. RORY: Oh, really? Sorry. I thought that Paris would be here already. [opens door and Marty follows her in before the movers.] MARTY: Nice room. [Movers set sofa down and exit] RORY: I can't believe I beat Paris here. I mean, normally, she would want to get dibs on the best room first and set up the furniture exactly the way she wants it. MARTY: Maybe she's just late. RORY: Paris is never late. [dials number on her cell phone] Paris, hey, it's Rory. PARIS: Rory. Hello. RORY: I'm in our room, and I was just wondering how I could have beat you here. PARIS: I'll be there later. RORY: Are you okay? You sound funny. PARIS: Asher's dead. RORY: What? PARIS: He died two weeks ago in Oxford. RORY: Oh. Paris, I'm sorry. How? PARIS: Heart attack. It was quick. RORY: Heart attack? PARIS: Yes. RORY: Um...it wasn't during, um...was it? PARIS: No, Rory. This great man was not brought down by my v*g1n*, okay? RORY: Okay. Sorry. I just -- that's terrible. PARIS: He was teaching a Shakespeare class -- "A Midsummer Night's Dream." He was doing Puck, and then suddenly he wasn't. RORY: Oh, man. PARIS: And the class was so into his reading, they didn't even get it. They thought he was acting. It was Dick Shawn all over again. RORY: Where are you? PARIS: I'm in his flat trying to get his effects squared away, and, of course, his family is acting like spoiled children. All they care about is what they get. If I have to moderate one more argument about the Chippendale desk, I'm going to freak out. And the lawyer handling his affairs is a moron, and don't even get me started on the funeral. He wanted to be cremated, but if you had seen how filthy that crematorium was -- so I shipped him to Cambridge, which apparently is known for its cremation facilities. That was a transportation nightmare, and, of course, his daughter was upset with the move, but where was she at Thanksgiving, huh? RORY: Is there anything I can do to help? PARIS: No. Thanks. [long pause] I'm sad. RORY: I know. PARIS: Bye. RORY: Bye. [to Marty] Asher Fleming died. MARTY: In bed? RORY: No. MARTY: Damn. I lost the pool. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW STREET [Lorelai crosses street seeing some friends gathered close sharing gossip by the news stand] BABETTE: Are you sure? MISS PATTY: Jerry found her birth certificate stashed in her bathroom. MRS. CASINI: I am not surprised. She knew way too much about sushi to be from Kentucky. LORELAI: Hi, ladies. What's the dirt today? BABETTE: Jerry Cutler's new wife, Annabel. MISS PATTY: Oh, that name alone. BABETTE: Turns out the 24-year-old former Miss Magnolia Blossom had a little secret. LORELAI: What? MISS PATTY: Her birthday! [bursts out laughing] BABETTE: Seems that 24 is actually code for 36. LORELAI: No! BABETTE: Yep. Jerry the moron wound up with a tramp who's actually a year older than the wife he dumped her for. [they all laugh] You got to love the karma. LORELAI: How's Jerry taking it? MRS. CASINI: He's getting his eyeglass prescription checked. LORELAI: CNN's got nothing on you gals. See ya. [walks off] BABETTE: See you later, sugar. MRS. CASINI: So, you heard that Marilyn Horne is actually a man? BABETTE: I'm not surprised. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE HOME - INTERIOR [They sit at opposite ends of the polished dining table - formally discussing various topics - each with a calendar planner before them] RICHARD: I sent the check off to the landscaper a week ago. EMILY: He claims he hasn't received it. RICHARD: Well, he's lying. EMILY: Shall I tell him that? RICHARD: I will stop payment on the check and issue another one. EMILY: Fine. There's the issue of the Gregorys' cocktail party on the fourth. Even though they did miss our Christmas party last year, you are currently involved in a business deal with Hamilton, so one of us should probably attend. RICHARD: Jancy will definitely want you to be there. EMILY: Fine. I'll go. [prepares to make a note] RICHARD: No, that's all right. I should go. EMILY: Fine, then you'll go RICHARD: Though I had to go to the Newmans' Zoo Auction last week. EMILY: Fine. Then I'll go. RICHARD: No, it's my business. I'll go. EMILY: Fine. RICHARD: Unless you would like to go. EMILY: Moving on to the subject of your car - RICHARD: Excuse me? EMILY: You parked the Cadillac in the driveway when you worked on it this weekend, and it leaked oil all over the place. RICHARD: It's a tiny stain, Emily. EMILY: It's a large stain, and I see it every day when I walk in and out of the door. RICHARD: Really? You can see the driveway with your nose way up in the air like that? [Emily stares stonily in silence] I apologize. That was uncalled for. EMILY: I think you should restrict your cars to their garages at all times. RICHARD: I will park my cars anywhere I like. EMILY: You never used to leave your cars in the driveway before. RICHARD: I park there when I work on them. EMILY: Well, work on them somewhere else. RICHARD: Like where? EMILY: What about the filling station? It's already filthy there. RICHARD: Are you seriously suggesting that I drive a priceless antique car 12 blocks away, park it next to a broken-down Chevy, and do my restoring there? EMILY: Yes. RICHARD: So this is the way it's going to be from now on. EMILY: I suppose it is. RICHARD: A filling station will be fine. EMILY: Thank you. RICHARD: I suppose we should discuss the insurance papers. EMILY: I suppose we should. CUT TO YALE COURTYARD [Rory and Marty take coffee from vendor] MARTY: I mean, I always thought I looked a lot like my Uncle Jerry, and, gee, Mom seemed to really like him. RORY: I cannot believe this. After all this time, your mother tells you now. MARTY: My dad looked relieved. RORY: He did not. MARTY: I heard him say, "whew!" RORY: Oh, that is amazing. MARTY: So, what did you do over the summer? RORY: [uncomfortable] Well, we so should have started with me. [A student in red jacket purposefully bumps into Marty as he passes] MARTY: Oh, sorry. COLIN: No, seriously, you couldn't see me there? FINN: Not everyone's staring at you, Colin. [Colin is also walking with a blond guy: Logan and his even blonder girlfriend] LOGAN: Hey, I know you. No, wait-wait, don't tell me. I'm seeing a uniform of some sort. FINN: [sarcasm] Maytag repairman. MARTY: I've bartended for you -- for your parties. LOGAN: That's right, you have. You're a talented man. [to Rory] He makes a kick-ass margarita. MARTY: [chuckle] thanks LOGAN: It's good to see you again. What's your name? MARTY: Marty. Uh, this is Rory. LOGAN: Hi. So, assuming your services are still for hire this year, your financial situation hasn't changed at all? MARTY: Nope. LOGAN: Good. Okay, I'll give you a call. Where are you living now? MARTY: Branford. LOGAN: Oh, excellent -- Branford. All right. Good running into you. [He exits with blond girl in tow, his friends slowly following] COLIN: [dryly] Excellent shirt. [to Rory] I can see what you see in him. LOGAN: Don't be an ass, Colin. COLIN: Me? Never. I'm a friend to all people, large and very, very small. [walks off to catch up to Logan] MARTY: I kind of hate those guys. RORY: Really? I can't see why. CUT TO RORY'S DORM ROOM [ Door opens and Rory enters to see the dorm rearranged, and almost fully set up and decorated. Paris enters from one of the bedrooms.] RORY: Wow. PARIS: I moved some things around. I also switched our rooms. Now, mine may seem bigger, but yours gets less sun, so you don't have to worry about melanoma. RORY: Hey. PARIS: What? [Rory pulls Paris into a warm hug] RORY: Sorry. PARIS: Thanks. RORY: So, how are you holding up? [Paris fusses around the room, hanging up a picture, making small adjustments.] PARIS: I'm fine. I'm actually relieved to be anywhere that people aren't arguing over the first-edition Faulkners. His granddaughter Sarah is the worst. If she thought the casket was worth anything, she would have stuffed it in her purse. RORY: You know Paris, you don't have to take care of all this. It's not up to you. PARIS: I know. It's just I want his memory to be respected. [fidgets with décor] RORY: It will be. PARIS: I still can't believe he's gone. He left me his manuscripts. RORY: [impressed] Wow. PARIS: Yeah. If Sarah finds out, it's going to be the mountain girl trial all over again. Listen, I want to have a wake. RORY: A what? PARIS: A wake in Asher's honor here. We'll give others the chance to pay their respects, to say goodbye. People are going to want this closure. I just think it's the right thing to do. RORY: Sure. PARIS: Thank you. [ Cellphone rings ] Hello? Larry, Larry, no. I'm sorry. Did you take the bar or just hang out in one? CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT PORCH - EVENING [Lorelai exits the front door. As she turns, Luke pulls up in his truck. They both seemed stunned to see the other. Lorelai pauses on the front steps, Luke exits his truck] LORELAI: Hey. LUKE: Oh, hey. I was -- LORELAI: [pointing back to the door] No, I was just coming to... LUKE: -- pick you up. Was I not supposed to? LORELAI: No, I figured I'd meet you at the diner. LUKE: Oooh. LORELAI: Yeah.. LUKE: I guess we should have discussed. LORELAI: No-no, I should have assumed - LUKE: I mean, we u-usually -- LORELAI: Yeah, but this is a date, so the guy usually does - in the truck, and so - LUKE: Sorry. LORELAI: No, I'm sorry. [awkward pause] I could go back inside. LUKE: No, no, this is fine. You're out now, so... [another awkward pause] LORELAI: We should go. LUKE: We should go. [After an awkward 'who goes where?' moment, Luke guides Lorelai around the front of the truck to open the door for her] LORELAI: You don't have to get the - LUKE: [scoffs and opens the door. They both nervously chuckle] LORELAI: okay. LUKE: There you go. LORELAI: We'll get better at this. LUKE: Yeah. CUT TO INTERIOR OF A HOMEY YET STYLISH TAVERN [Luke and Lorelai enter] LORELAI: Oh. Oh, wow. Very 'Prancing Pony'. LUKE: This way, please. [gently guides her toward a round-tabled booth] Your table, Miss. LORELAI: Oh. Why, thank you, sir. [He removes his jacket and sets aside as they both slide into the booth and sit. Lorelai notices a small sign on the table.] LORELAI: [impressed] "Reserved." LUKE: I told you I'd planned the evening. LORELAI: Weren't we supposed to let someone who works here seat us? LUKE: Not necessary. LORELAI: Is this like a Mafia thing? LUKE: Excuse me? LORELAI: The whole coming in, special table, reserved sign. Are you gonna have to whack someone before the soup course? LUKE: No, I've filled my whacking quota for the week. [cringes] Dirty? LORELAI: [wicked grin] Extremely. LUKE: Thought so. MAISY: [OS] Lucas! [An older woman walks up to their table with menus] LUKE: How you doing, Maisy? MAISY: You just seat yourself now? LORELAI: I told him! [Luke stands and gives Maisy a warm hug] MAISY: We run a nice place here, Lucas, not like that hash joint of yours. And this must be your young lady. Hello, there. I'm Maisy. [they shake hands] LORELAI: Hi. I'm Lorelai. I love your place. MAISY: It used to be a whorehouse. LORELAI: Oh - my. MAISY: I like that it's got a tarty history. The best places do. LORELAI: And the best people. MAISY: 'The best people'. I like that. [calls out loudly] Buddy! [shoos Luke] Will you sit down? LUKE: Well, you pulled me up. [sits] [Older man walks up] MAISY: Buddy, this is Lorelai. BUDDY: Lorelai. Well, hello, Lorelai. [shakes hands] LORELAI: Hello, Buddy. MAISY: This is very exciting for us because Lucas never brings his girls here. [calls out] Lori, some sparkling water and champagne. LUKE: And a beer. MAISY: You're on a date, you drink champagne. You're at a ball game, you drink a beer. LORELAI: My goodness, what a big menu. LUKE: Don't bother looking. Whatever you order, they'll just bring you something different. MAISY: Hey, what about the, uh - [hand gestures] BUDDY: Oh, yeah, good. With garlic and -- MAISY: No, no, no garlic. I mean, give the boy a chance. [Disappointed, Buddy exits] MAISY: Lorelai, nice to meet you, and, uh, he's a special one, this guy. LORELAI: That's the word on the street. [Maisy exits] They know you. LUKE: Actually, I come here two, three times a week. Yeah -- breakfast, dinner, whenever I have the time. LORELAI: Oh, my God, Luke has a 'Luke's'. LUKE: Yeah, well, y'know. I've known Maisy and Bud my whole life. Maisy went to school with my mother. LORELAI: Really? LUKE: Yeah. And then later on when my dad died and I wanted to turn the hardware store into a diner, you know, Buddy really helped me out. LORELAI: That's so nice. LUKE: He's a good guy. He really showed me how to run a restaurant, how to order -- everything, basically. I mean, I couldn't have done it without him. [Lorelai looks around] LORELAI: I love this place. LUKE: It's a great place -- very old. LORELAI: How long have they owned it? LUKE: Actually, the story of that is on the back of the menu. LORELAI: Oh, cool. [flips over the menu and clears throat] Oh, look -- "Sniffy's Tavern: A story of love." Oh, a story of love. "Maisy Fortner and Bertram 'Buddy' Linds met at a high-school basketball game. She was playing, he was not. They fell in love, got married. Buddy went to work at a dairy, and Maisy worked at the school, but they dreamed to someday own a restaurant so that all of their friends and family could come and eat and visit and laugh with them every single day." LUKE: Buddy hated working at that dairy. LORELAI: [continues to read] "One day Sniffy, their beloved dog, ran away. Maisy and Buddy searched high and low for him. Finally they stumbled past a dilapidated old tavern that had been boarded up for years. They heard a dog howling. They forced open the door, and there was Sniffy, stuck underneath a fallen beam. Maisy and Buddy pulled Sniffy free and rushed him to the vet, where he immediately went into emergency surgery." Oh my God, did Paul Thomas Anderson write this? Edit, people. LUKE: You don't have to read the whole thing. There's not gonna be a quiz. LORELAI: I'm almost done. [continues reading] "Four hours later... Sniffy was dead." Sniffy was dead?! Are you serious? Where's the happy ending? LUKE: Well, that's what happened. LORELAI: Well, people don't read the back of the menu to find out what really happened. They read the back of the menu to be happy, to be uplifted. That's why they read the back of the menu. LUKE: Not that many people read the back of the menu. [waitress pours champagne into two flutes.] LORELAI: [to waitress] Did you know about the whole Sniffy thing? [she nods] LUKE: If it makes you feel better, Sniffy was 150,000 years old. LORELAI: [feigns a pout] You're lying. [Luke grins as he hands her a glass of champagne] LORELAI: Thank you. LUKE: Hey, here's to you. LORELAI: I'll drink to that. [they both sip] LUKE: Yep, I definitely hate champagne. LORELAI: This is nice. LUKE: Good. LORELAI: Hey, do you remember the first time we met? LUKE: What? LORELAI: I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right? LUKE: [nods] It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person - LORELAI: [gasps] Ooh, is it me? Is it me? LUKE: This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy. LORELAI: [gleeful] Ooh, it's me. LUKE: I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying -- sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her. LORELAI: Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful. LUKE: She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me. LORELAI: [dryly] God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you? LUKE: So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under "Scorpio," she had written, "you will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away." I gave her coffee. LORELAI: [grinning] But she didn't go away. LUKE: She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me - [pulls a small scrap of paper from his wallet and holds it out to Lorelai] one day it would bring me luck. LORELAI: [teasing] Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee [unfolds the scrap and reads it with new remembrance] Um...I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet? [sees his serious expression] You kept this in your wallet. LUKE: Eight years. LORELAI: [touched] Eight years. [Luke sighs and returns the precious scrap to his wallet] LUKE: Lorelai, this thing we're doing here -- me, you -- I just want you to know I'm in. I am all in. [carefully watches her reaction] Does that, uh -- are you, uh, scared? [Lorelai blushes with sudden shyness, but looks back and smiles.] [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO LUKE'S APARTMENT [Camera pans from the main living area, with stray clothes strewn over furniture to his bed. Following their lovemaking, Luke and Lorelai lie snuggled together covered by only a thin blanket. Lorelai toys with his hand.] LORELAI: I can't believe you kept that horoscope. LUKE: You're just lucky I never clean out my wallet. LORELAI: You can't take it back now. You've exposed yourself. You've been pining for me. LUKE: [ Chuckles ] I have not been pining. LORELAI: I'm your Ava Gardner. LUKE: God help me. [ Sighs ] Okay. Let's get something out of the way right now. [reaches over to the nightstand and picks up a pad of paper and pencil] LORELAI: What? What are you doing? LUKE: Tell me what CD's to get so I don't have to hear about it. LORELAI: Seriously? LUKE: And skip any '80s groups where the guys dressed up like pirates. I draw the line at pirates. LORELAI: [kisses his shoulder] This has been a really great first date. LUKE: It only took us eight years to get here. [They kiss and kiss again. Lorelai then taps on the pad to remind Luke about the list] LUKE: Okay. So, U2, right? LORELAI: Yeah, Bono is a must, and Blondie and, um, ooh - Sparks, especially the new one, plus Bowie. LUKE: Okay, I know he dressed up like a pirate. LORELAI: Space man. LUKE: Space man I can deal with. CUT TO SAME LOCATION - LUKE'S BEDROOM - HOURS LATER [Things look different. All pillows and blanket are now piled on Lorelai's side of the bed. Luke is asleep with only the edge of the sheet covering him.] [ Alarm buzzing ] LORELAI: Mmm. LUKE: Sorry. I forgot to turn the alarm off. LORELAI: Bad alarm. Bad, bad alarm. [Luke reached and turns off alarm, then scoots closer to Lorelai, who now uses him as a pillow] LORELAI: [groggy] What time is it? LUKE: Early. LORELAI: Hate early. Must kill early. [Luke sleepily strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head] LORELAI: Okay. I gotta get up. LUKE: Why? LORELAI: Work. Inn. Buy shoes. Oh, my God, I can't move. I need coffee. LUKE: I don't have coffee up here. It's all downstairs. LORELAI: [whimpers] Downstairs. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. [kisses his chest before slipping out of bed and donning Luke's plaid shirt] LUKE: [remains in bed with eyes closed, half-asleep] Where are you going? CUT TO LUKE'S DINER - BOTTOM OF STAIRS [Humming quietly, Lorelai reaches bottom of stairs, tousled bed-hair in her face, fastening the top button of the flannel shirt. She freezes when she sees a diner-full of people all staring at her. Backs away and runs back up the stairs.] CUT TO LUKE'S BEDROOM [Door closes [OS]. Luke is fast asleep. Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Well, I think people are gonna know. LUKE: [startled] What? What are you talking about? [fully awake now] Why are you wearing my shirt? LORELAI: I put it on to go get coffee. LUKE: Downstairs? LORELAI: Well, you don't keep it upstairs. LUKE: The diner's open. LORELAI: You're kidding! LUKE: You walked into the diner like that? LORELAI: I didn't think the diner could open without you. LUKE: I had Caesar open. LORELAI: Well, he did, with a floor show. LUKE: Okay, so, maybe nobody noticed. LORELAI: Look at me! LUKE: Okay, yes. Well, but you wear crazy outfits all the time. LORELAI: They usually include pants. LUKE: Okay, so they know. So what? I mean, they're gonna find out eventually, right? LORELAI: Right. So, we'll hear about it for a few days. LUKE: Few weeks. LORELAI: Six months of hearing about it, but then it'll die down. LUKE: We'll be used to it. LORELAI: And everything will get back to normal, so, okay, well, they know. It's out. LUKE: It's out. [Lorelai chuckles] Where's your coffee? LORELAI: [indicates her clothes - err, lack of] Mm-hmm. LUKE: [without hesitation] I'M getting your coffee. CUT TO RORY'S DORM ROOM [Paris rushes into the main room] PARIS: I need more candles. RORY: Check my trunk. I think my mom put some in there. [watches Paris stack hardcover books] That's a lot of books you got there. PARIS: The very fact that the bookstore had any in stock shows the sad nature of American reading habits. RORY: Do you need some help with those? PARIS: I got this, but here -- you can put these up. RORY: You made flyers. PARIS: Anyone who wants to pay tribute to this great man deserves the opportunity. RORY: I'm on it. [she exits to dorm hallway with handful of flyers] CUT TO DORM HALLWAY [Rory exits her dorm room. She looks for empty space on any of the nearby bulletin boards, already crammed with notices, notes and advertisements, Three students enter the dorm hall] COLIN: Okay, Finn, last building. Please say it looks familiar. FINN: [eagerly looking around] Ahh, uh... LOGAN: Apparently it doesn't look familiar. FINN: No, hold on. Hold on. Yes. Here. [walks around a corner] This is where she lives. RORY: Excuse me. Can I help you? LOGAN: No thanks. [follows the other two boys] RORY: Hey. [Rory follows the boys around the corner and see them standing before a dorm door. Hers.] COLIN: Don't put your number. Don't put your number! FINN: I'm not putting my number, I'm putting your number. [indicates Logan] RORY: [confused] That's my room. [They turn to see Rory. Logan grins] LOGAN: Okay, put my number. FINN: Are you sure this is your room? RORY: I'm sure. FINN: I could have sworn it was her room. RORY: What's her name? Maybe I know her. FINN: Uh, it was short. RORY: [dryly] I can understand your disappointment, losing a potential soul mate like that, but that is my room. LOGAN: I'm sorry about the mix-up. My friend here means no harm. He just has to learn that Guinness and blondes - they don't mix. FINN: Redheads! LOGAN: We sincerely apologize, and we will now leave you to finish putting up your poster of... this really old guy. [looks closer at the papers in Rory's hands] RORY: Professor Asher Fleming. LOGAN: What, they were out of Orlando Bloom? RORY: Professor Fleming died last week. We're throwing him a wake. LOGAN: Okay, so were you and Fleming - [pauses for effect] RORY: No! LOGAN: Sorry. Just you're putting a poster of him up in your hallway. You can see where I get the impression he's a little bit more than a teacher. RORY: Well, he was more than a teacher. He was a great writer and an inspiration in many other things that you couldn't possibly understand. LOGAN: [surprised] You don't like me. You don't know me, but you don't like me. RORY: [darkly] I know you. LOGAN: You do? RORY: We met yesterday. With Marty. LOGAN: Marty? RORY: [slightly annoyed] Marty -- my friend Marty. He bartended for you. LOGAN: Yes, Marty. I'm sorry. It slipped my mind. Of course I met you yesterday with Marty. Nice to see you again... RORY: [exasperated] Rory! LOGAN: Nice to see you again, Rory. You're looking well. Angry works for you. RORY: I'm not angry, I'm just irritated. LOGAN: By me? RORY: Yes. LOGAN: Because I forgot for a moment who you were? RORY: No, because you speak to people as if they're below you. LOGAN: People? RORY: Marty. LOGAN: Ah, your friend Marty? RORY: Yes, my friend, Marty. You talked to him like he was dirt, and that's why I'm looking at you like this. LOGAN: I'm sorry. What did I say that was so bad? I said hello and I think I said he made a kick-ass margarita RORY: It's not what you said, it's how you said it. LOGAN: How'd I say it? RORY: Like Judi Dench. LOGAN: Ouch. RORY: Just because somebody doesn't have money or a fancy family doesn't mean they're inferior to you. LOGAN: I agree. RORY: And just because somebody is a bartender at a party for you and your friends, that doesn't mean that you can talk to them like a servant. [turns to leave] LOGAN: Well... RORY: What?! LOGAN: I hired him. I paid him. He served. That's what a servant does. RORY: [incredulous] Are you serious? LOGAN: For the sake of argument. RORY: He was doing a job. LOGAN: A job he took willingly. RORY: Some people have to work. LOGAN: And I bet if you ask him he'll tell you he made excellent tips that night. Because my friends - they tend to enjoy their re-fills. RORY: Not the point. LOGAN: To a bartender, tips are very much the point. RORY: Just because you pay somebody, it doesn't mean that you can speak to them as if they're beneath you. LOGAN: Actually, the fact that this is a free country means I can speak to anyone in any manner which I choose. However, the rules of a civilized society may frown upon a certain obvious show of snobbery, so if that's your argument -- RORY: I don't have an argument. LOGAN: I can give you a moment to formulate one if you want to continue. RORY: I'm busy! LOGAN: You concede. RORY: I don't like it when people hurt my friends. LOGAN: And you react when goaded. RORY: I am not goaded. I am so far from goaded. Get out your compass, and I will show you how far from goaded I am. LOGAN: I think we got a serious debater in our midst. [one of his friends appear on the stairs] FINN: Logan, I think we've found it. LOGAN: Tell Marty I said hi, and I promise to remember you instantly next time. [no reaction from Rory. He gives her a winning smile] Now, tell me that wasn't fun? [ Sighs as he moves toward the stairs] Master and Commander. RORY: [confused] The movie? LOGAN: No, that's what I want you to call me from now on. [climbs stairs] RORY: Ugh. CUT TO RORY'S DORM ROOM [Rory enters. Paris sits on sofa smoking a pipe] PARIS: [sadly] I just wanted to smell like him again. [Rory closes the door, joins Paris on the sofa and puts a comforting arm around her. Paris continues to puff on the pipe] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW - SAME SIDEWALK AS PREVIOUS [Lorelai approaches her gossiping friends.] [ Laughter ] MRS. CASINI: You didn't! You didn't. LORELAI: Morning, ladies. [cringes waiting for reaction] BABETTE: Oh, morning, Sugar. MRS. CASINI: Samson and Delilah Sapperstein got back together. BABETTE: I'm not surprised. Those two belong together. MISS PATTY: Well, its nice that they made up. That means they're bound to have one of their fabulous fights very soon, which we need because things are slow around here. [Lorelai looks puzzled ] BABETTE: I hear that. MRS. CASINI: They're lowering the free-parking limit at the drugstore. [Lorelai looks around puzzled] You only get 20 minutes free with validation instead of 30. BABETTE: Well, times, they are a-changin'. [All three women nod. Lorelai backs away] LORELAI: Well, so, I'm gonna go. I got to get to work. [hesitates, waiting for reaction] MISS PATTY: Bye, honey. BABETTE: Give Rory a kiss for us. LORELAI: I will. [long pause waiting. They stare blankly back] Okay. [The ladies resume their gossiping as Lorelai walks away slightly disappointed.] BABETTE: Did you notice that one side of Rosella's butt implant deflated? MISS PATTY: Well, if your doctor accepts a co-pay of... [fades] CUT TO DRAGONFLY INN - FRONT LOBBY [Agitated, Lorelai walks in with a cordless phone to her ear] LORELAI: Nobody knows. I swear. LUKE'S VOICE: How do you know? LORELAI: Well, I walked by "Hello! Magazine" this morning. They mentioned nothing. SCENE SWITCHES BETWEEN INN AND DINER LUKE: Well, maybe they're just trying to be, I don't know, respectful about it. LORELAI: Babette? Miss Patty? LUKE: Well, maybe they're trying not to embarrass you. LORELAI: Babette? Miss Patty? LUKE: Well, maybe -- I'm out. LORELAI: Has anyone mentioned it to you? LUKE: No, but, seriously, who's gonna mention it to me? LORELAI: Babette? Miss Patty? LUKE: No, it's been very quiet. LORELAI: They have to know. LUKE: Maybe they don't care. LORELAI: That's kind of a bummer. LUKE: Why? LORELAI: I don't know. You at least want them to have some interest. LUKE: Let's just look at it this way. It's out. We don't have to worry about it. We can just go on. Are we still on for tonight? LORELAI: Liz Taylor and Richard Burton couldn't go outside without people noticing. LUKE: Well, I'll get drunk, you gain 500 pounds, and we'll give it another go. LORELAI: Pick me up at 7:00? LUKE: I'll pick you up at 7:00. LORELAI: Okay, bye. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE DINING ROOM [Emily sits alone at the elegantly dressed table - eating alone. Tony Bennett music plays in the background. Emily dabs her mouth with an expensive linen napkin] EMILY: Madonna Louise! [Maid enters and clears her dinner setting] MADONNA LOUISE: Can I get you some dessert, Mrs. Gilmore? EMILY: No, thank you. MADONNA LOUISE: Very good, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: And don't run the dishwasher. It's not full. MADONNA LOUISE: I won't, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: I smelled something funny earlier in the northeast corner of the kitchen. MADONNA LOUISE: I sprayed for ants this afternoon. EMILY: Oh, Madonna Louise, I told you never spray that poison all over the place. You simply have to kill the scout ants so they don't go back and tell the rest of them where the food is. MADONNA LOUISE: I know Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: You kill the scouts, or you use the chalk that we bought in Chinatown last month. MADONNA LOUISE: Okay, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: Madonna Louise? MADONNA LOUISE: Yes, Mrs. Gilmore? EMILY: It was a lovely omelet. MADONNA LOUISE: Thank you, Mrs. Gilmore. [exits] [Emily rises and blows out the candle tapers on the table. Idly wanders to the living room, and picks up her nearby book to read. Unsatisfied, she puts the book down and wanders about the room, bored. She prepares to climb the stairs to go to bed, when she hears a noise outside. Vehicle door closes, engine turns over. Curious, she walks to the window to look out. What she sees makes her gape from shock.] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW - EVENING [Luke and Lorelai walk together across the town square toward Miss Patty's] LUKE: How did I get rooked into this? LORELAI: Uh, I'm irresistible? LUKE: Yeah. Well, have I mentioned I hate town meetings? LORELAI: No. I thought you said you hate clown bleedings, which I totally agree with. LUKE: Oh, no. Is tonight raffle night? I can't deal with raffle night. LORELAI: No, it's not raffle night. Look, I promise we won't stay for the whole thing. It'll be like a stop by. We'll just run in and get the headlines so I have something to tell Rory, and then we're off to the movie. LUKE: Do not get used to me going to these town things. Just because you like them does not mean that I will ever like them or tolerate them or go to them. LORELAI: Hmm. Other than tonight? LUKE: Yes, other than tonight. LORELAI: And next Thursday. LUKE: I did not say I would go next Thursday. [ Cellphone rings ] What the hell is next Thursday? [ Cellphone continues to ring as Lorelai grins and answers the phone] LORELAI: Hello? EMILY'S VOICE: Lorelai? Oh, thank God I found you. [Lorelai curses silently and mouths the words "my mother" to Luke.] LORELAI: Hi, Mom. [She points an accusing finger to Luke, who shrugs innocently] SCENE SWITCHES BETWEEN EMILY'S HOME AND LORELAI EMILY: The most bizarre thing has happened. At 7:30 at night, I had just finished my dinner. I was about to go upstairs and read, and I suddenly heard a car. LORELAI: Uh-huh. EMILY: I ran to the window just in time to see your father driving away. He was driving away at 7:30 at night. LORELAI: Uh-huh. EMILY: [exasperated] Lorelai! LORELAI: Was he driving backwards or with his feet? EMILY: Where was your father going at 7:30 at night? [Luke stands patiently listening to their conversation, tugging gently on the corner of her jacket] LORELAI: Well, maybe he had a business meeting. EMILY: At 7:30 at night? What, has he suddenly become a bootlegger? LORELAI: Mom, I'm sorry. I'm about to go into a thing. Can we talk about this later? [Luke nods in agreement and pulls her closer by her jacket's corner] EMILY: Oh, absolutely. Far be it for me to intrude on whatever vague event you're going to. LORELAI: Great! Thanks, Mom. Bye. [click] Your fault. LUKE: How was that my fault? LORELAI: Because you preoccupied me with all your yammering about the meeting, so I wasn't thinking, and I didn't check to see who was calling before I answered. [grins] Boy, it's nice to finally have someone to blame. [Lorelai giggles and Luke grins as he follows her to up the front steps.] CUT TO TOWN MEETING INSIDE MISS PATTY'S STUDIO. [Meeting is underway with much conversation. Andrew and Gypsy are standing in the front of the raised stage.] ANDREW: And then looked, backed up - GYPSY: No. ANDREW: I did too back up. GYPSY: You backed up. You didn't look. You got in, you turned on your car, and then you whipped out of that space like you were Lizzie Grubman. [ Luke and Lorelai quietly sneak inside and take seats in the back of the room.] LORELAI: Do we have timing or what? [more arguing in the front of the room] ANDREW: I did not. GYPSY: Andrew, you did too. ANDREW: I distinctly remember looking in my mirror and seeing nothing. GYPSY: Except me. ANDREW: I didn't see you. GYPSY: Liar ANDREW: I am not a liar. [Lorelai pulls licorice from her purse and offers one to Luke] CUT TO RORY AND PARIS' DORM ROOM [Paris greets two boys at the open doorway. The room is crowded with people. Hard cover books are stacked everywhere.] PARIS: Thank you for coming. Please feel free to take a book. [The boys shrug and enter the room - walking straight for the beverage table, where cups, wine bottles, beer pitchers stand atop stack of books. Marty approaches Rory] MARTY: Hey. RORY: Hi. MARTY: Interesting crowd. RORY: Yeah, most of the people have no idea they're at a wake. They think it's some weird theme party. I've spent the entire evening trying to get people to stop referring to Asher as "the old dead dude." MARTY: Does Paris know? RORY: Paris, thank goodness, is Paris. [Marty nods] [Paris approaches] PARIS: Hi, Marty. Thank you for coming. Please help yourself to a book. RORY: The wake seems to be going well. PARIS: It is. [looking around] I'm very pleased with the turnout. I mean, I knew he was beloved, but this is overwhelming. [Rory sees some students carrying in a beer keg and motions quietly for Marty to get rid of them] PARIS: You know, it's funny, but Asher died right at the height of my passion for him. I kind of wonder what would have happened if he had lived. Would I have stayed in love with him forever? RORY: I don't know. PARIS: He died before I could find out. Now I'll always be in love with him. He's my Mike Todd. [Rory consoles Paris with a hug] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW TOWN MEETING [Luke watches Lorelai munch on more snacks] LUKE: We're going to dinner after the movie. LORELAI: I know. [Taylor speaks from the podium] TAYLOR: All those who think Andrew was in the wrong, arms raised. [several people raise their hands] All those who think that Gypsy was at fault, arms raised. [More hands raise] The majority rules. Gypsy is at fault for the fender bender outside the Stars Hollow Garden Center and shall be responsible for all said damages. GYPSY: Ha! We have got to get a courthouse in this town! [sits down in a huff] TAYLOR: All right, let's move on to the next order of business. Hmm. A very serious matter has been brought to our attention, and I would like to bring to the floor for discussion the possible negative ramifications of the inn owner and diner owner dating. LORELAI: [ Gasps ] That's us. LUKE: They're talking about us. TAYLOR: Now, as you all know, the relationship we have feared for some time has emerged, and we need to carefully consider whether or not we can support this. LORELAI: Oh, my God. LUKE: We're sitting right here! TAYLOR: Yes, we see you, Luke, and, as a member of the town, you are welcome to voice your opinion. LUKE: Voice my -- TAYLOR: [gavel bang] I open the floor up for discussion. [crowd murmurs and numerous hands raise] All right. I'll start. Luke's Diner is a staple in this town. Most of us eat there on a regular basis. The Dragonfly Inn, though newer than Luke's Diner, has also become very important in our community. [Luke and Lorelai exchange looks of disbelief] The co-mingling of the owners of these two establishments can only set the stage for disaster. LUKE: What the hell is he talking about? LORELAI: Well he's not happy with our co-mingling. TAYLOR: Think of the consequences. What will happen when the relationship goes sour, as, let's face it, most of Lorelai's relationships do? LORELAI: Hey! TAYLOR: We'll have to choose. Suddenly you'll either be a 'Luke' or a 'Lorelai', or, if you're Kirk and you can't make a decision to save your life, you'll be neither. KIRK: He's probably right. TAYLOR: That's bad for the economy, bad for the town. I vote against this. LORELAI: Are they gonna make us break up? BABETTE: I think you're over reacting, Taylor. TAYLOR: People, do I have to remind you about Fay Wellington and Art Brush, huh? Do I? [murmurs in the crowd] LORELAI: Uh, yeah. BABETTE: Fay owned a flower shop, and Art owned a candy store, and they fell madly in love about 10 years ago -- big romance. TAYLOR: And for a while, it all worked very synergistically. Flowers and candy seemed like a perfect match... MISS PATTY: Until Art met Margie. GYPSY: The fudge queen. BABETTE: Ooh, that was bad. TAYLOR: The whole town split right down the middle. Suddenly you could buy flowers or you could buy candy. MISS PATTY: Valentine's Day was a nightmare. KIRK: Par for the course for me. TAYLOR: Eventually, the hostility forced Art to move. BABETTE: Fay never married. She stopped making candy. It was very sad. TAYLOR: And those storefronts were empty for a year. No one wanted to be there. LORELAI: God, this sounds terrible. Maybe they have a point. LUKE: No, they don't have a point. LORELAI: Well, what if something happens? LUKE: This is crazy. I don't believe that the breakup of Fay Wellington and Art Brush affected the economy of this town one bit. TAYLOR: Well, lucky for you, I brought charts. LUKE: You have charts concerning the romance of two people who used to live here 10 years ago? [Lorelai's cellphone rings ] KIRK: We think Fay still lives in the caves above the Clancys' Mill. We can't prove it, but every so often, we hear "Delta Dawn" playing over and over. LORELAI: [quietly] Hello? EMILY: Your father came home at 8:30. He went inside the poolhouse for five minutes, and he got back in his car, and he drove away again. [Luke looks inquiringly and Lorelai silently mouths "my mother". Luke, satisfied returns his attention to the meeting.] LORELAI: Mom, this is really not a good -- EMILY: Traipsing all over the place at all hours of the night. LORELAI: Uh-huh. Mom, where are you? You sound very far away. [quietly walks outside] CUT TO OUTSIDE TOWN MEETING [Scene switches between Lorelai and Emily's car] EMILY: Park Road. LORELAI: Park Road. Why? EMILY: I'm not gonna be the one that sits at home alone in the dark like an Italian widow. If he can go out, then I can go out, so I went out. LORELAI: Well, good for you. EMILY: I figured I'd have dinner. I already had dinner. But if Richard's having two dinners, then I can have two dinners, so I went to a place I used to eat at when I was in college. And do you know what I found? It's a 'Lube-And-Tune' with an X-rated T-shirt store next door. LORELAI: Mom, this is silly. Why don't you just go home? EMILY: I'm not gonna be the first one back. LORELAI: Well, how long are you gonna drive around? EMILY: Until I'm sure your father came home. Let him worry about where I was all night. [Conversation gets louder inside at the meeting] LORELAI: Look, I can't talk right now. EMILY: Well, I'm not done. LORELAI: I'll call you later. EMILY: I could be dead later. LORELAI: Call one of your friends. EMILY: No one knows about the separation except you and Rory. LORELAI: Well, I'm sorry, Mom. I'm in the middle of something very important. EMILY: Well, this is important, too. Meet me for a coffee. LORELAI: Mom, I can't, and Rory just moved in, and she's at school getting settled, so if you really can't talk to one of your friends, I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to finish this later. EMILY: Fine. [ Beep ] CUT TO INSIDE THE STARS HOLLOW TOWN MEETING [ The crowd is murmuring as Lorelai returns inside and sits beside Luke. Various poster-sized charts are set up on easels.] BABETTE: I think that map's a little off. Luke would definitely take the Northwest block 'cause it's near the fishing hole. LUKE: Okay, that's it. I've heard enough. [Fed up, Luke walks to the stage and yanks up the charts off their easels, and yells at the towns people] LUKE: This is my relationship -- mine, not yours, not yours, not yours, [looks at Lorelai] yours, but not yours. Mine and hers but not - (looking pointedly at Taylor) yours! There's not gonna be any more debating about whether or not it's a good idea if we're in a relationship, 'cause we're in a relationship. LORELAI: Show them the horoscope! TAYLOR: But in the event of a breakup - LUKE: There's not going to be a breakup. GYPSY: Well, isn't he the optimistic fellow? LUKE: Fine. In case of a breakup, I'll move. I'll close up Luke's Diner, I'll go far, far away, and that way you won't have to choose, okay? Every section in town can be pink. TAYLOR: Can we have your word on that? LUKE: You can have my word and a couple of middle fingers on that, Taylor. TAYLOR: Get that down. We have his word. Leave out the part about the fingers. All right, people, it seems that the issue of Gilmore and Danes vs. Stars Hollow has been resolved. [Lorelai grins and looks around proudly] See you all next week when everyone gets fingerprinted for the government. [gavel bangs] Meeting adjourned. [Townspeople mill out chattering among themselves. Lorelai joins Luke near the stage.] LORELAI: Wow! LUKE: [nervous chuckle] Yeah. You still in? LORELAI: You bet I am. [Then, a thought causes sudden panic] Oh, my God. LUKE: [concerned] What? What's the matter? [Lorelai quickly pulls out her cell phone and hits speed dial. She sighs impatiently while it rings.] RORY'S VOICE: Hello? LORELAI: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. CUT TO THE WAKE IN RORY'S DORM ROOM. RORY: For what? EMILY: Rory. [Hearing her grandmother's voice, she turns in shock. Emily is standing in the open doorway] RORY: Grandma. LORELAI'S VOICE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. EMILY: [walks toward Rory looking around] What is going on here? RORY: I have to hang up now. LORELAI'S VOICE: Have I mentioned I'm sorry? RORY: Bye. Well, this is a surprise. EMILY: I simply had to get out of the house and your mother told me you were home, so I thought I'd come by and say hello. [looks around] Why are there pictures of Asher Fleming everywhere? RORY: This is a wake for Professor Fleming. He died. EMILY: [irritated] You'd think your grandfather could have mentioned that to me, but no. I bet he'll make me go to that insufferable man's funeral, though. RORY: He was cremated. EMILY: Oh, thank God. [Paris rushes up and hugs Emily] PARIS: Emily! It means so much to me that you came. EMILY: Well, yes. Asher was very devoted to his students. [Paris bursts into tears crying] Oh, now, there's no need to cry. Yale is full of excellent teachers. [They both sit and Emily comforts Paris. Marty approaches Rory with two plastic cups] MARTY: Root beer? RORY: [takes one] Yeah. Thanks, Marty, for everything. You've been such a huge help tonight. MARTY: For you, anything. Hey, Rory? RORY: Hmm? MARTY: Do you -- I mean, how come you don't have a-a -- do you have a boyfriend? RORY: What? MARTY: I'm just curious. You don't mention anyone. There's no one here you seem to be with, so I was just wondering what the deal was. RORY: I don't know. MARTY: You -- okay. So, what exactly does that mean -- "I don't know"? RORY: I don't know. MARTY: Okay. I mean, 'cause that's usually the kind of thing you know. RORY: I know. MARTY: So you don't know. Okay. RORY: Um, will you excuse me for a minute, Marty? MARTY: Sure. [Rory walks out of the dorm room, picking up her purse as she exits. Scene pans to Emily and Paris conversing on the sofa.] EMILY: And then he just takes off out of nowhere at 7:30 at night. [A young man hands Emily a beverage] Thank you, Thomas. I'll need a napkin. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW FORESTER RESIDENCE - EVENING [Rory's Toyota Prius pulls up in front of Dean's parent's home. She walks up to the front door and knocks. After a pause, it opens. Dean is surprised to see Rory. They stare at each other a few moments, then he stands aside to welcome her inside. The door closes behind them.]
Plan: A: Luke's parents; Q: Whose friends own the restaurant where Luke and Lorelai go on their first date? A: his wallet; Q: Where does Luke keep the horoscope Lorelai gave him? A: the distance; Q: What does Luke promise Lorelai he will go with her? A: Luke's place; Q: Where does Lorelai spend the night after their first date? A: the diner; Q: Where does Lorelai go to get coffee in the morning? A: the breakfast crowd; Q: Who saw Lorelai wearing only Luke's shirt? A: surprisingly little gossip; Q: What is the general opinion of Luke and Lorelai? A: the next town meeting; Q: When does Taylor use charts to show how disastrous a breakup between Luke and Lorelai would be for Stars Hollow? A: Taylor; Q: Who uses charts to show how disastrous a breakup between Luke and Lorelai would be for Stars Hollow? A: Rory; Q: Who meets Logan and chews him out for being rude to her friend Marty? A: a rich Yale student; Q: Who is Logan? A: Paris; Q: Who holds a wake for Asher? A: all the guests; Q: Who thinks Paris's wake is a keg party? A: Emily; Q: Who invades Rory's dorm during the wake? A: Richard; Q: Who does Emily discover has a social life she doesn't know about? A: Rory's dorm; Q: Where does Emily go to find out about Richard's social life? Summary: Luke and Lorelai go on their official first date at a restaurant owned by old friends of Luke's parents. Luke reminds Lorelai of how they met, shows her a horoscope she gave him for good luck that he's kept in his wallet, and assures her that he intends to go the distance with her. Lorelai spends the night at Luke's place; in the morning, she goes down to the diner to get coffee, and the breakfast crowd sees her wearing only Luke's shirt. There's surprisingly little gossip about Luke and Lorelai until the next town meeting, where Taylor uses charts to show how disastrous a breakup between them would be for Stars Hollow. Meanwhile: Rory meets a rich Yale student named Logan and chews him out for being rude to her friend Marty; Paris holds a wake for Asher that all the guests assume is a keg party with a weird theme; and Emily freaks out when she discovers that Richard has a social life she doesn't know about, so she invades Rory's dorm during the wake.
MUSIC IN: EXT. WOODED AREA - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ HUNTER MOVES THROUGH THE BUSH CHASING A DEER) (SFX: HUNTER CLEARS LEAVES WITH HIS HANDS) (SFX: HATCH DOOR OPENS) (HUNTER SHOUTS) (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Grab your gear. TONY: My three favorite words. KATE: Where to? GIBBS: Saint Mary's River State Park. Right here. TONY: Maryland. GIBBS: Good guess. Think you can guess how to drive there? TONY: I'd say the fastest way would be to take the Beltway to Highway Two Thirty Five south. Take that to Route Fifty and then... punch it into the Nav System when we get lost. KATE: What's in the park? GIBBS: A deer hunter stumbled onto an aircraft drop tank - Navy markings. TONY: We're driving to Maryland to look at a drop tank? GIBBS: It's got a body inside. TONY: Now that's different. GIBBS: Yeah, I thought so. You pick up Ducky. Tony, you gas the truck. TONY: You know, Gibbs, most agencies have people who do that sort of thing. GIBBS: Mm-hmm. So do we. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. PARK - DAY TROOPER LYNCH: Bow hunter was tracking a deer. Stumbled across the drop tank. GIBBS: He the one who opened the hatch? TROOPER LYNCH: That's right. (CAMERA ANGLE ON CORPSE) DUCKY: Mmm... KATE: How did he get so... DUCKY: I believe mummified is the adjective you were searching for. Ah, the tank must have been airtight creating a hermetic environment. (SFX: CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) TONY: No air, no bugs, no critters. DUCKY: And more important, no bacteria. GIBBS: You got an estimated time of death, Duck? DUCKY: Very amusing, Jethro. HUNTER: I thought it was a missile or a bomb of some kind until I tapped it. It sounded hollow so I cleared some leaves away and found the hatch. (SFX: CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) GIBBS: Curiosity got the best of you? HUNTER: Wouldn't yours? GIBBS: Yeah. You know what, it probably would have. Did you remove the flight bag? HUNTER: Yeah. GIBBS: Touch anything else? HUNTER: Not after I saw King Tut. GIBBS: Well, we'll need your prints...to separate them from any others we find on the tank. (SFX: CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) KATE: Lieutenant Commander Farnsworth. Think he's our mummy? GIBBS: I don't know. Bag it. DUCKY: I can't do anything with this gentleman until we cut him out of here. TONY: I know what this is, Boss. GIBBS: Uh... external fuel tank? TONY: A three hundred and seventy gallon external fuel tank off an F-Fourteen Tomcat. A few were converted into camera or cargo pods. This one's a cargo pod. KATE: I'm impressed. TONY: I didn't become an NCIS agent yesterday, Kate. As a matter of fact, tomorrow is... GIBBS: .... it'll have been two years. TONY: That's kind of touching, Gibbs, remembering the day you hired me. GIBBS: Yeah, well it seemed like a good idea at the time. Duck is it okay if I touch? DUCKY: By all means. GIBBS: Our sailor is a Lieutenant. The flight bag's not his. KATE: Can you see his dog tags? GIBBS: Nope. Get a flatbed. We're going to take our Lieutenant and his pod back home with us. KATE: Let me guess, you're going to suggest I ride back in the flatbed with the driver. GIBBS: It wasn't a suggestion. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. NCIS GARAGE - DAY (SFX: SKILL SAW B.G.) GIBBS: Abby, find any prints on there besides the hunter's? ABBY: I pulled some partials off the inside of the hatch that weren't his. TONY: The victim's? ABBY: I doubt it. Mummies aren't generally the self-help type. GIBBS: Run the prints through the military data base. ABBY: Got it. And there's a serial number on the underside of the tank. The paint's kind of warn off, but I can bring it up. GIBBS: Good. If that tank came off a Tomcat, somebody filed a T-F-O-A report. KATE: T-F-O-A? TONY: Things falling off aircraft. KATE: You're kidding. GIBBS: No, that's what they're called. Squadrons kept files on those going to back to biplanes. ABBY: All right. GIBBS: Okay, on three. One, two, and three. ABBY: Oh. Sailor on a half shell! DUCKY: Oh, Abby, please! ABBY: Sorry. (SFX: CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) DUCKY: It's not unlike the Egyptians, however. Their mummified dead were buried along with personal treasures to accompany them on their journey to the afterlife. TONY: Where he could squeeze in eighteen now and then. KATE: He's not wearing shoes. TONY: I kick mine off when I fly. GIBBS: We've got an I.D. ABBY: Lieutenant Mark Schilz. KATE: He's not our golfer. This bag belongs to Lieutenant Lynch. DUCKY: Gold wedding band. Looks like Lieutenant Schilz left someone behind. GIBBS: Okay, I've got a name. I've got a serial number. T-F-O-A will find the plane and squadron. ABBY: And we'll crack the secret of the mummy's curse in no time. DUCKY: Abby! ABBY: What? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Lieutenant Schilz's service record. He was reported missing at sea off the Eisenhower. GIBBS: Amend it. He's no longer missing. KATE: The carrier was a day out of Norfolk at the end of a six month deployment in the Med. GIBBS: When? KATE: Uh, March four, nineteen ninety four. He was declared a deserter thirty days later and he received a dishonorable discharge. GIBBS: Dishonorable? KATE: Lieutenant Schilz was charged in absentia with theft of government property. GIBBS: Ah...the cargo pod? KATE: One point two million dollars out of the Eisenhower's safe. He was their Disbursing Officer. TONY: I just spent three riveting hours sorting through squadron records at the Safety Center. Found the aircraft that dropped the pod. An F-Fourteen Tomcat. GIBBS: From a squadron on the Eisenhower? TONY: Yeah. Vilma-F Two Twelve. The Red Wolves. KATE: Coming home from a deployment? TONY: After six months in the Med. Want to give me the names of the Tomcat crew? GIBBS: Well, it's safe to assume one of them wasn't Lieutenant Schilz. KATE: Why ride in a pod if you've got a seat in the cockpit? TONY: The pilot was Lieutenant Commander Farnsworth. KATE: Good news, Commander. It took ten years but we located your luggage. TONY: The golf clubs belonged to his RIO, Lieutenant Lynch. KATE: RIO? TONY: Radar Intercept Officer. Also called a GIBs. One B. Short for "guy in back." KATE: Why do you need two B's? GIBBS: Second one's for b*st*rd. What else, Tony? TONY: V-F Two Twelve flew off the Eisenhower for Pax River the day before she docked at Norfolk. KATE: She? Tony, it's named after Dwight David Eisenhower, for God's sake! TONY: Maybe she was named for Mamie. GIBBS: Her flight path took them over lower Maryland. TONY: Where the Tomcat lost an external cargo pod. No one on the ground reported being whacked on the head, so the Navy conducted a cursory search and wrote it off. GIBBS: This was in the spring of Ninety four? TONY: Na-ha! Abby estimated how long the pod's been in the ground, right? GIBBS: Nope. TONY: Ducky calculated the time it took Lieutenant Schilz to mummify? GIBBS: Uh-uh. TONY: Okay. How do you know the date? KATE: I pulled Lieutenant Schilz's service record. TONY: Oh. You took the easy way. GIBBS: Not so easy. Our mummified Lieutenant went U-A with one point two million. KATE: He was the Disbursing Officer on the Eisenhower. TONY: Our mummy's a crook. KATE: Who tried to make his getaway in a cargo pod. GIBBS: I doubt it. Air's cold and thin at thirty thousand feet. He'd know that. Where's the money? It's not in the pod or Abby would be up here screaming Lotto. KATE: According to his service record it was never found. GIBBS: Tony, pull our files on the investigation since you're such an expert at looking up names. TONY: I wouldn't say I'm an expert. GIBBS: If he's still working for us, I want to talk to the onboard NCIS Special Agent in Ninety four. TONY: What if he's not with us? GIBBS: I want to talk to the onboard NCIS Special Agent in ninety four... TONY: (OVERLAP) Onboard NCIS Special Agent in Ninety four. GIBBS: The mummy had a wedding ring. KATE: And a wife to go with it. GIBBS: Got her current address? KATE: Not yet. DUCKY: (V.O.) The deceased was a Caucasian... MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. NCIS AUTOPSY ROOM DUCKY: ...male, twenty to twenty five, approximately five foot seven. The facial bone structure indicates Nordic descent. GIBBS: Matches Lieutenant Schilz's description. Commissioned before the DNA database was initiated. DUCKY: Oh. Well young man, we'll have to match your smile. The Lieutenant was in remarkable condition, given the precipitous fall. The jaw was broken - fractured, post-mortem, no sign of bleeding. The injury is consistent with a nine-iron or possibly a sand-wedge. Definitely one of the lofted clubs he flew with. GIBBS: Ducky, I'm not interested in what happened to him after he died. DUCKY: I'm surprised to hear you say that, Gibbs. You know post mortem details could be extremely revealing. Remember that case four years ago, where the young Marine was buried in an ant hill up to his neck? GIBBS: Duck, eight years ago. How did he die? DUCKY: Oh, it can't be eight years. No, I know it wasn't. Four years ago your third wife hit you over the head with a baseball bat. I distinctly remember the ant-eaten Marine on the table there when I stitched you up. GIBBS: Ducky, how did our young Lieutenant die? DUCKY: I think the poor fellow bled out. I made a minimal incision in the chest cavity and I came across evidence of massive internal hemorrhaging. GIBBS: From? DUCKY: I don't know yet. But something quite small must have punctured the chest cavity. Yes, I'll need to send the poor boy for a catscan to get a proper look. GIBBS: It couldn't have happened when he augured in on the pod? DUCKY: No! As I told you, the fracture to the jaw was postmortem, obviously inflicted by the crash. This amount of bleeding could only occur when he was alive. GIBBS: Which means that Lieutenant Schilz was murdered and then stuffed in the pod. DUCKY: Yes. Yes, I suppose it does. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Gotta be decaf. GIBBS: What? KATE: All that coffee you drink. GIBBS: Hi-test. KATE: Don't you twitch? GIBBS: Nope. How's it coming? KATE: Uh... still no address. GIBBS: You know, if Lieutenant Schilz stole the money, he didn't do it alone. KATE: Why do you say that? GIBBS: Someone murdered him and stuffed him in the pod. Maybe an accomplice that didn't want to share the million two. KATE: Could he have surprised the thief in the Disbursing Office and been murdered? GIBBS: Well no, then someone would have to carry the body from there to the cargo pod without being seen - no easy thing to do on a ship with six thousand souls. KATE: Oh, I found Lieutenant Schilz's widow. She's remarried and living in Arlington. GIBBS: Go get her. (KATE RUSHES O.S.) TONY: Was it something I said? GIBBS: Not yet. TONY: Well, it looks like we're going to have to go to Hawaii, boss. GIBBS: Now it's what you said. TONY: NCIS Special Agent Afloat, Richard Owens, investigated the robbery in Ninety four. He's currently assigned to NCIS, Pearl Harbor. Or we could always use video conferencing. You know Owens? GIBBS: Nope. TONY: I didn't think you would. He's considerably younger than you are. GIBBS: What would you consider, considerably? TONY: The guy was young, Gibbs. Only twenty eight. That makes him thirty seven now. GIBBS: Then considerably would not be an accurate description. TONY: I didn't realize, boss. How old are you? GIBBS: It doesn't matter how old I am. TONY: Well, it does actually because it gives me a reference point for the word that you.... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) May I see the file? TONY: You know, after forty everybody's eyes... GIBBS: The night of the robbery... there was a report of a man overboard. A-Aft watch spotted a life vest beacon in the carrier wake. TONY: You're embarrassed to tell me how old you are. GIBBS: Not at all. (READS) Schilz's shoes were found in the hold full of scrap life vests. TONY: Yeah, the Navy presumed that he robbed the Disbursing Office, faked falling overboard and sat tight with the cash until the carrier put into Norfolk. GIBBS: They based all this on finding his shoes in the hold? TONY: Well, maybe the Navy read Agent Owens' notes. They are attached to the back of the file. GIBBS: (READS) "Lieutenant Schilz must have eluded the night watch and slipped over the side without his shoes to swim ashore." TONY: Eye strain. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. MARY'S LIVING ROOM - DAY MARY: Losing Mark at sea was bad enough, but to have him accused of stealing money. KATE: I'm sorry. I realize this is opening old wounds. MARY: At least finding his body will end the vicious gossip. There was a rumor that he started a new life with the money and a new woman. Here you go. KATE: Thank you. Was there any basis for it? MARY: We'd only been married a year. Six months of that he was at sea, Agent Todd. KATE: Doesn't sound likely, does it? MARY: No. No more likely than his being a thief. Mark was a good man. He loved the Navy, even if it didn't love him back. But that'll change now, won't it? He'll be exonerated. KATE: Um... we have reopened the investigation. MARY: But it... it seems so obvious - whoever took the money murdered Bart. KATE: That's a very real possibility. MARY: He wouldn't have even been in that tank unless someone put him there. KATE: So...you are remarried? MARY: Yeah. After six years I had Mark declared dead. Randy helped me move on. The Navy didn't even send a flag for his memorial service. KATE: That seems rather harsh. MARY: I could have done without the flag, but not to receive death benefits or child support, that...that was harsh. KATE: You haven't gotten anything? MARY: Flags and benefits are only for the honorably discharged. You haven't been in the Navy very long, have you? KATE: I'm still not. As I told you, I'm an NCIS Special Agent and that's only been for a month. MARY: I don't... care for myself. Randy and I get by but... if you clear Mark's name, Alicia will benefit. She'll have a better life. Money for college. KATE: She's beautiful. MARY: Mark never saw her. He called though, the morning she was born. I held the phone to her ear so she could hear her daddy's voice. HARM: He called her from the carrier? MARY: Yeah, I know it wasn't easy then. I don't know how he did it but somehow Mark got a call to me at Bethesda early in the morning. That was the last time I ever heard his voice. KATE: The day your daughter was born? MARY: Yeah. And the day Mark disappeared. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) I would have never guessed he flew off the ship! GIBBS: I don't think it was his idea. AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) I was sure he'd swum ashore with the cash. That damn case has been the only blotch on my record for twelve years. GIBBS: Didn't do much for Lieutenant Schilz's record either. AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) He stole the money. I'll stand by that. GIBBS: Well, if he stole it, Agent Owns, where is it? AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) Beats me but it's not on that ship. We searched every inch of it for him and the cash. GIBBS: The Eisenhower docked the next day. How long did you search? AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) I don't remember. TONY: Two days. GIBBS: Who searched? AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) Hell, the entire crew. GIBBS: Finders keepers? Treasure hunt? AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) What are you implying, Gibbs? GIBBS: Nothing. I'm just wondering how you managed to search every inch of a ninety five thousand ton, twenty four story tall, one thousand forty nine foot long aircraft carrier in two days. AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) We couldn't keep the crew any long than that. They'd been deployed for six months. Their families were waiting dockside. GIBBS: Which means you didn't search every inch. So as far as you know, that money could still be on board. AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) It could be, but it isn't. GIBBS: Another assumption, Special Agent Owens? Or do you know this is fact? AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) I don't like the tone of this. You've got my report. I have nothing more to tell you. GIBBS: Okay. We'll see. The Eisenhower is currently doing quals in the Atlantic. She'll be back in Norfolk for weekend liberty. Be there. Oh seven hundred. Saturday. AGENT OWENS: (ON SCREEN) You cannot order me back to that... that... (MONITOR CLICKS OFF) TONY: Where'd you get those statistics? GIBBS: Read 'em. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - DAY TONY: You put it back together.(SFX: WELDING B.G.) ABBY: Yeah, I had to study the fiberglass sarcophagus in one piece. GIBBS: What'd you find? ABBY: Something hinky. Okay, the pod is attached to the Tomcat by an M-X-U rack with two hooks. TONY: It's here and here. (BEAT) Wasn't sure you could see 'em, boss. GIBBS: Go on. ABBY: The hooks fit in these holes. Now, when the pilot wants to eject the pod, he flips a switch and the hooks disengage. TONY: The pod drops away. ABBY: Well, actually it's kicked away. The forward and aft ejectors fire and kick it off the wing. TONY: T-F-O-A report said the pilot didn't touch the pod ejector switch. The pod just fell away. Is he lying? ABBY: No. If he had popped it, the ejectors would have made dents in the pod. GIBBS: No. No dents. ABBY: No dents. Just damage from plowing into Mother Earth. TONY: You know, when you think about it... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. JET - FLASHBACK TONY: (V.O.) If the Lieutenant was alive that would have been one hell of a ride. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - DAY (SFX: TONY MAKES AUDIO EFFECTS) TONY: (BEAT) Well, it would. ABBY: (SIGNS) Tony's weird. GIBBS: (SIGNS) Oh, just figuring that out now? TONY: You know, it's not polite to talk with your hands. ABBY: Gibbs, come look at these holes. GIBBS: Yeah, top of the hole's damaged. This one, too. ABBY: To remove a pod on deck, you insert a key in the M-X-U rack and turn it. That withdraws the hooks. Now, if you turn the key only until the tips of the hooks are holding onto the pod then... GIBBS: It should tear loose on the cat shot and leave marks like these on the holes. ABBY: Except the mummy's curse was working so the tips held onto the pod until it was over Maryland. TONY: Abby, there was no mummy ten years ago so how could there be a curse? ABBY: It's like a chicken and egg thing, Tony. (DOORS SLIDE OPEN) KATE: I interviewed Lieutenant Schilz's widow. They had a child, Alicia. Nine years old and she's as pretty as her mom. TONY: I knew I should have taken that interview. KATE: She's remarried, Tony. TONY: Yeah? KATE: He does this just to screw with me. Don't you? GIBBS: Do you have a report to make, Agent Todd? KATE: Mary got a phone call from her first husband the day he disappeared. She'd just given birth at the Bethesda Naval Hospital - he called her from the carrier. ABBY: So? GIBBS: So it's a big deal to call home from a ship in Ninety four. KATE: The signal was bounced off a satellite and routed to the Comm office in Norfolk. GIBBS: Did you trace the time of the call? KATE: Navy doesn't get rid of anything. Comm office records show that a Lieutenant Schilz called Bethesda Naval Hospital from C-V-N Sixty nine, that's the Eisenhower... at zero five thirty three on the Fourth of March, nineteen ninety four and the call lasted twelve minutes. GIBBS: Tony. What time does the shmuck's report say the disbursing office was robbed? KATE: What schmuck? GIBBS: Our schmuck, unfortunately. TONY: Between twenty one hundred hours, March third when the office was secured and zero seven hundred on the fourth when it was opened by the Assistant Disbursing Officer. KATE: It doesn't let him off the hook. TONY: Ensign Wiles. KATE: Wiles? Randy Wiles? TONY: Ah, no. You're not getting me to bite, again. You read this report.... No! Mrs. Schilz told you! KATE: Actually, she did. TONY: I knew it. KATE: Only she didn't tell me that Randy Wiles was the Assistant Disbursing Officer. She said he was her husband! (FADE OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. USS EISENHOWER - DAY AGENT OWENS: This is why I jumped at being stationed at Pearl. It's only November and I'm freezing. I hate Norfolk. TONY: Could be Bremerton. AGENT OWENS: Where the hell is he? I didn't fly standby and sit next to a toilet for twelve hours to freeze my ass off waiting. TONY: First Class toilet? (BEAT) Sorry. AGENT OWENS: He's talking to me like I'm some kind of newbie. Who the hell does this Gibbs think he is anyway? Ten years and this case is still haunting me. It's like I'm cursed. (TONY CHUCKLES) AGENT OWENS: What was funny? TONY: Our lab tech believes there's a curse. But she's a Goth, you know. The chains and the tats and the piercings. You're so... how old do you think Gibbs is? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. FIRING RANGE - DAY (SFX: SHOTGUN BLASTS B.G.) (SFX: CLAY PIGEONS EXPLODE) GIBBS: Very nice. Very nice. RANDY: Thanks. You here to shoot? GIBBS: I hope not. I'm Special Agent Gibbs, this is Special Agent Todd. NCIS. The lady inside said you're the manager. Randy Wiles. KATE: Formerly Ensign Randy Wiles. RANDY: I saw the news. If you're here to talk about Mark, I told you guys all I know years ago. GIBBS: You didn't say you're going to marry his wife. RANDY: You talked to Mary? KATE: I did. And funny thing, she never once mentioned marrying her husband's shipmate. RANDY: She doesn't know that Mark and I served together. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PRO SHOP - DAY GIBBS: How could she not know? RANDY: We met at Mark's memorial service. GIBBS: What'd you say? I was passing by, dug the music and decided to drop in? RANDY: Something pretty close to that. I was afraid that if I told her I knew Mark, she'd ask a lot of questions. I didn't think I'd fall in love with her. And then when I did... it was too late. KATE: Bounce. RANDY: Yeah. GIBBS: Bounce? KATE: It's a film. Ben Affleck gives up his seat on this flight for a guy who needs to get home. Plane crashes. Guy dies. He looks up the widow, Gwyneth Paltrow. He means to tell her the story, but by the time they come around to it, they've fallen in love and he's afraid if he tells her it'll ruin it. RANDY: That's what happened to me. KATE: I believe him. GIBBS: Of course you believe him. It's a chick flick. In a guy flick, you steal the money, you set Lieutenant Schilz up to take the fall, you murder him and you marry his wife. RANDY: That is sick. KATE: It sure is. GIBBS: Agent Todd, you will realize after being here more than a month that there are a lot of sick people in the world. Are you one of those, Randy? RANDY: This is my day job. At night I do freelance accounting. Mary and I rent a house, Alicia goes to public school. I drive a six year old Saturn. Now do you think I'd live like that if I had a million bucks? GIBBS: Yeah, you're right. You were doing better staying in the Navy. RANDY: Navy cleared me, doesn't mean they trusted me. GIBBS: Your disbursing clerk, Petty Officer Toner. She left the Navy, too. They pass her over? RANDY: Erin enlisted to catch an officer. AGENT OWENS: (V.O.) Petty Officer Toner was a hottie. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PASSAGEWAY - DAY AGENT OWENS: If you know what I mean. TONY: Oh, yeah. GIBBS: You investigate this hottie? AGENT OWENS: It's in my report. GIBBS: So is the assumption that Lieutenant Schilz left his shoes onboard so he could swim ashore. AGENT OWENS: That's not in my report! GIBBS: No, that was in your attached notes. AGENT OWENS: I didn't think the Navy was going to look at my notes. GIBBS: You didn't think about anything except getting ashore. AGENT OWENS: That's not fair, Gibbs. GIBBS: Neither is convicting a man in absentia for a sloppy investigation. AGENT OWENS: Lieutenant Schilz was the only one who could have done it. Wiles was in an all night poker game and Erin was already in her quarters. TONY: How do you know? AGENT OWENS: That cruise was the first time females were deployed at sea. If they weren't at chow or at work, they were in female country. The Navy ran that area like it was a sorority. No men allowed. GIBBS: I'll bet you all you did was take her word. How many women got pregnant on that cruise, Special Agent Owens? AGENT OWENS: Quite a few, Agent.(SFX: PHONE RINGS) TONY: I guess the house mothers weren't on top of the log book. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) Lieutenant Commander Farnsworth and Ensign Lynch died in a ramp strike two years ago. I won't say it sounds like Abby's curse of the mummy but... (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, if they were still in the Navy two years ago, we could cross them off our list... (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) ...of millionaire accomplices. KATE: (INTO PHONE) You mean suspects. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Lieutenant Schilz was probably killed by an accomplice. (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) Or killed catching the thief in the act. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Are you interested in clearing him or catching the bad guys? KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) Both. (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) If we exonerate him then his wife and daughter will get the death benefit they deserve. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Did you locate Petty Officer Toner? (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) Traced her to Westchester, P.A. On the way now. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PASSAGEWAY - DAY GIBBS: The pilot and his RIO are dead. I don't want to hear the word "curse" out of your mouth, DiNozzo. TONY: Would I say that, boss? AGENT OWENS: You said it to me. TONY: You said it first. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY ERIN TONER: (V.O.) Nice drive, Ben. BEN: Oh, yeah. ERIN TONER: For someone with your swing. KATE: Miss Toner? (ERIN SWINGS) KATE: The pro told me you were teeing off. ERIN TONER: I was trying to. KATE: Sorry. I just drove in from D.C. to speak with you. It'll only take a few minutes. BEN: Do you know anything about golf etiquette, young woman? KATE: Not really. BEN: This is a private club. How did you get in here? KATE: I showed these at the gate. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CLUB PATIO - DAY ERIN TONER: I'm sorry to hear Mark's been dead all these years. I always imagined him on some beach in Mexico sipping marguerites. KATE: You believe he stole the money. ERIN TONER: Oh, he and Randy were the only ones who had the combo and Randy was playing poker all night. It had to have been Mark. KATE: Well, if that's true then his accomplice got away with the money. ERIN TONER: Easy to see where you're going with this, Agent Todd. You said you saw my house. Nice. This country club. Also nice. Both expensive. I didn't marry money...yet. And with the losers in my family, I sure as hell didn't inherit it. So you're wondering if I was in on it with Mark. Killed him and took the money. KATE: Well, either that or you won the lottery. ERIN TONER: Two million. I uh... I carry this for good luck. KATE: You can laminate a losing ticket. ERIN TONER: (LAUGHS) Oh, come on home with me honey. I'll show you the write up from the Canton Gazette. It's too big to laminate, though, I had to have it framed. KATE: Let's go. ABBY: (V.O.) Fore! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY ABBY: Ooh! DUCKY: Never do that again! ABBY: I'm sorry. I didn't know you were going to get all freaked out. DUCKY: It's an automatic reflex when one's a golfer, Abigail. ABBY: Please don't call me Abigail. DUCKY: Then don't yell "fore" when I have a niblick in my hand. ABBY: A niblick? Sounds like a s*x act. DUCKY: Yes, that's what I thought it was the first time I heard the term. A niblick is what a nine iron used to be called when golf was the province of Scottish nobles, not the democratic lovely walk spoiled by the weekend duffer. ABBY: So....what? You think he was killed by a niblick to the kidney? DUCKY: No, no, no. The cat scan revealed a puncture would to the chest cavity caused by a thin sharp object that perforated the pericardial sack and then penetrated the heart. ABBY: Ouch. DUCKY: Ouch indeed. ABBY: So what about your niblick? DUCKY: Ah, I was trying to see if this could have caused these hair fractures to the pelvis and lumbar vertebrae. But it's too flexible to cause uniform fracturing across both sides of the pelvis. No, it had to be an object much more rigid. ABBY: What about his abrupt stop on an E-ticket ride? DUCKY: The faint traces of bleeding on the cat scan. No, these fractures occurred before or immediately after he expired. Are you sure you didn't find anything here in this area on his uniform? ABBY: Mmm, no nothing that would cause these. But I wasn't looking closely. DUCKY: Ah! Look closely my dear. ABBY: Of course, my darling. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. DISBURSING OFFICE FALLINI: The robbery is a legend on this ship. Knowing Lieutenant Schilz didn't get off with the cash is going to start a treasure hunt. Excuse me. GIBBS: Bring back fond memories? AGENT OWENS: Not so fond. (BEGIN FLASHBACK SCENE) AGENT OWENS: (V.O.) The safe hadn't been jimmied. Ensign Wiles and Erin said nothing was missing but the cash. (END FLASHBACK SCENE) GIBBS: Was something going on between you and Petty Officer Toner, Agent Owens? AGENT OWENS: No. TONY: You called her a hottie. GIBBS: You keep referring to her by her first name. AGENT OWENS: We're not allowed to fraternize with enlisted females. You know that. GIBBS: You're not allowed to put assumptions in reports either. AGENT OWENS: You've made your point, Agent Gibbs. I blew that. But I wasn't screwing around with Erin. She had something going on with one of the airmen. GIBBS: That wasn't in your report. AGENT OWENS: It didn't seem pertinent. GIBBS: Name? AGENT OWENS: Martinez. Martinez. Petty Officer Ted Martinez. TONY: Hi. Excuse me. AGENT OWENS: You think he's involved? GIBBS: I don't know. But since it was his hottie working here, you should have looked into him. AGENT OWENS: You're right, Sir. (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: Do not "Sir" me. I work for a living. (INTO PHONE) Gibbs. (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) KATE: (INTO PHONE) Erin Toner is living large. Nice house. Country club membership. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Do not tell me that she has a rich husband. (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) Hit the Ohio Lottery for two mil. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) You check that out? KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) Yes. Saw the winning ticket and newspaper clippings. (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) State lottery board's closed for the day. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Call in the morning.(SFX: DIAL TONE) KATE: (INTO PHONE) Can you hear me now? (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. DISBURSING OFFICE - DAY TONY: Got him. Ted Martinez. Aviation Machinist's Mate, Second Class. Final discharge June second, nineteen ninety four. A lot of sailors left the Navy in June of ninety four. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES B.G.) GIBBS: Aviation Machinists' Mate. That means he was working the flight deck. AGENT OWENS: Petty Officer Second. Probably a plane captain. (BEAT) What? GIBBS: Who would have had the ability to stuff a body into a cargo pod? AGENT OWENS: Anyone on the hangar deck. GIBBS: Who's most likely? AGENT OWENS: You're asking me to make an assumption, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: I'm not asking you to write it down. AGENT OWENS: The pilot. The RIO. The plane Captain.(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) TONY: Don't strain your eyes, boss. GIBBS: That's no coincidence. AGENT OWENS: Don't tell me. GIBBS: Petty Officer Martinez was the plane captain on the Tomcat that dropped the pod that had Lieutenant Schilz's body in it. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. NCIS LAB - DAY ABBY: Whoa, I should have been playing Beethoven. GIBBS: It's not Beethoven? ABBY: It's "The Newly Dead." GIBBS: What's the orange stuff? ABBY: I don't know yet, but it's only off this part of the mummy's shirt. GIBBS: Same area as Ducky's hairline fractures. ABBY: You went to see Ducky before you came to see me! GIBBS: Is there a priority here I don't know about? ABBY: A girl likes to be thought of first. (CAMERA ANGLE CLOSE ON SCREEN) ABBY: I don't know if it's synthetic or natural, but it's definitely a fiber. What's orange in the Navy? GIBBS: Lifejackets. ABBY: Weren't the mummy's shoes found in a hold with old life jackets? GIBBS: I never believed he was in there with them. ABBY: You might have to change your opinion. GIBBS: Did you match Petty Officer Martinez' partial prints on the pod? ABBY: Yep. No big surprise, he was the plane captain. GIBBS: I was hoping they wouldn't match. ABBY: One of them didn't. I scanned the ridges and cleaned the garbage out. I got six Galton details. I like ten to twelve, but six is enough if you get lucky. GIBBS: Doesn't look like we got lucky. ABBY: Well, I limited it to Naval personnel who served between Ninety and Ninety four. Still a lot of ridges and curves. GIBBS: I might be able to lower the threshold. ABBY: How? GIBBS: I could give you a name and a serial number. ABBY: Oh, that might help. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY AGENT OWENS: Whoa, we've got nothing like this at Pearl. TONY: This is where the big boys play. GIBBS: (V.O.) DiNozzo! TONY: Speaking of big boys... yeah boss? GIBBS: What are you doing here? AGENT OWENS: Uh... well my flight's not till nine in the morning. Since I'm here, I thought that...maybe... GIBBS: You know how to do a database search? AGENT OWENS: Yeah. Yeah, I do. GIBBS: Use that computer. Locate Martinez. TONY: I'm looking for Martinez, boss. GIBBS: Yeah? I'm getting coffee. TONY: You got computers at Pearl? AGENT OWENS: Yeah, but ours is on the beach so we can surf on breaks. (TONY LAUGHS) TONY: Breaks... (SFX: KEYBOARDING) (PASSAGE OF TIME) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/KATE WALKS PAST A SLEEPING GIBBS AND TONY) KATE: Didn't you have a flight to catch, Agent Owens? AGENT OWENS: Hey. Um...you know, it's a little after two and my flight's not until um...there'll be another flight. (GIBBS AWAKENS) GIBBS: Coffee? KATE: Uh-huh. GIBBS: All right, what do you got? AGENT OWENS: We got Petty Officer Martinez was a Mexican national when he joined the Navy. He was discharged at Norfolk on June second, nineteen ninety four where he had his mail forwarded to the... Plaza Hotel... TONY: The Plaza Hotel in New York where he was from June fifth 'till the twenty second when he flew to... AGENT OWENS: Manzanillo Mexico. He registered at Las Brisas with a wife, no first name. Just Mister and Missus Martinez. GIBBS: They stayed at Las Brisas until the ninth of July. After that they uh...he uh...I lost him. AGENT OWENS: Yeah, and I found him in Guadalajara at the Presidente Intercontinental. Stayed there for ten days and then... then I lost him, too. (TONY LAUGHS) GIBBS: Okay, find out where he was born. Check with the local police there. A guy usually goes home when he's separated. I'm going. KATE: For coffee? GIBBS: To the head. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS OUTER LAB - DAY GIBBS: Still no match?(DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ABBY: Nothing good enough to take to court. But if my life depended on it, I'd say it was her right middle finger that made that. Thanks. GIBBS: Yeah. ABBY: Oh, I spectroed the fiber. Its cotton canvas dyed orange number seven, but it's not from a life preserver. They're made out of urethane coated nylon. (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE) GIBBS: It's the mailbag, Abby! ABBY: Orange mail bag. Cool! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM KATE: (INTO PHONE) Right, I understand. Are you sure? GIBBS: Ohio Lottery? KATE: (INTO PHONE) Uh-huh. Okay, thank you.(HANGS UP PHONE) KATE: Erin Toner was telling the truth. August ten ninety four she hit a pick six. Bought the ticket at a Seven Eleven outside of Canton, Ohio. She hit for thirty seven thousand. She lied. She and Martinez stole that money, not Lieutenant Schilz. TONY: Kate, incriminating her doesn't exonerate Schilz. She could have played him. KATE: No. They forced him to open the safe. They murdered him and they stuffed him in a pod. TONY: Unless Martinez or Toner admit Schilz had nothing to do with the robbery, there's no way to exonerate him. KATE: I'll get them to confess. GIBBS: How are you going to do that? KATE: I don't know... yet. AGENT OWENS: Whoa! Martinez was murdered in a Piedra Negras motel. KATE: My god! She's a Black Widow! TONY: I don't think she was ever married. GIBBS: We got her. Kate, go back to Pennsylvania and bring Erin Toner in. KATE: How? I can't arrest her, can I? GIBBS: No. No. She has to come voluntarily.(ERIN LAUGHS B.G.) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. PUTTING GREEN - DAY ERIN TONER: Why the hell would I do that? KATE: Latent prints off Lieutenant Schilz's uniform match Petty Officer Martinez's. He was the plane Captain of the Tomcat that dropped the pod. ERIN TONER: You pull prints ten years later? KATE: The pod was hermetically sealed. We believe that Martinez forced Lieutenant Schilz to open the safe, murdered him and stuffed his body in a cargo pod. ERIN TONER: I think I knew Martinez. But I uh... I knew a lot of sailors on that cruise. KATE: Martinez is hiding in Mexico. We will find him. And when we do, we want a solid case for extradition. ERIN TONER: Do I look like a Mexican judge? KATE: We'd like your help in doing a virtual recreation of the theft for the hearing. ERIN TONER: Why me? KATE: We can't locate Ensign Randy Wiles. You're the only one that worked in Disbursing back then. ERIN TONER: Honey, are you working something you're not telling me? KATE: I want to exonerate Lieutenant Schilz so that his wife and his daughter can get the money due them. ERIN TONER: Tell them to play the lottery. KATE: I can call you back to the Navy, Petty Officer Toner. ERIN TONER: The hell you can. KATE: These are orders re-calling you to active duty as a material witness in a capital offense. All I've got to do is ink 'em Honey, and your ass is back in the Navy. Or you can voluntarily help us. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Lieutenant Schilz finished a call to his wife and newborn daughter at zero five forty five. ABBY: (GIGGLES) I threw that little heel click to show he was really happy. TONY: Yeah, well not for long. Petty Officer Martinez surprised him with a knife, ransacked the safe and forced Lieutenant Schilz to carry the money to a Tomcat where he murdered Lieutenant Schilz, stuffed him in a pod and left with the money. KATE: So what do you think? ERIN TONER: I think you could use some help from Disney. ABBY: Oh hey, come on! I wasn't finished with it yet. GIBBS: We wanted to make sure we had the right scenario first. ERIN TONER: That one works for me. GIBBS: Not for me. No, Lieutenant Schilz would know that Martinez was going to kill him. He'd have resisted someplace... especially in a passageway full of sailors. Martinez had to kill him at Disbursing, but how did he move him to the pod if he was dead? ERIN TONER: He couldn't. DUCKY: Ah, but he could, my dear. You see, I found hairline fractures on Lieutenant Schilz's pelvis and lumbar vertebrae which Abby here matched to orange can... ABBY: (OVERLAP) ...orange canvas fibers from Lieutenant Schilz's uniform. GIBBS: I saw an orange mail bag being dragged over knee-knockers when I visited the ship. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) GIBBS: Ah, I'll get back to that in a minute. Where was I? TONY: Dragging an orange mail bags over knee knockers, boss. GIBBS: Ah yeah, that bothered me. If Martinez did stuff his body in a mail sack, and dragged it across the ship, how come nobody noticed anything that was ah... ABBY: Hinky? GIBBS: Yeah, hinky. AGENT OWENS: And that's when I remembered how you used to turn heads when you walked by. ERIN TONER: I'm out of here. KATE: Not till the show's over. GIBBS: Now who would have noticed a sailor dragging a mail bag over knee-knockers with you walking by? ABBY: How's that animation? ERIN TONER: Much better. However, it's not evidence. You touch me again and I will have you arrested for assault, and the rest of you for unlawful detainment. GIBBS: You're free to go. Oh, I said I'd get back with that fingerprint. It's yours. ERIN TONER: Oh. Okay, it's mine. Where'd you find it? On Mark's uniform? All that proves is that we got it on. GIBBS: We didn't find it on his uniform. We got it from the Federales. They found it on the pistol that killed Martinez in Piedro Negras two days before you hit the lotto for thirty seven thousand dollars. TONY: Now we could extradite you. Mexican courts really don't like it when gringos kill one of their own. GIBBS: I don't know if it was you or Martinez who killed Lieutenant Schilz. You can tell it any way you want. We'll take it down. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM ELEVATOR AGENT OWENS: You know, in Hawaii it takes forever to get anything from the Federales. TONY: Same way here. AGENT OWENS: (BEAT) No, no no, guys. Don't tell me that...that fingerprint match was faked!? Okay, you guys are crazy. GIBBS: Yep. (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE SHUT) (MUSIC OUT)
Plan: A: Gibbs; Q: Who is called in to investigate the murder of a lieutenant? A: a mummified lieutenant; Q: What is found in a cargo pod? A: 1.2 million dollars; Q: How much money was the lieutenant believed to have stolen? A: nine years; Q: How long ago did the lieutenant abscond with Navy funds? A: his position; Q: What did the lieutenant receive a dishonorable discharge for deserting? A: half; Q: How deep was the cargo pod in which the lieutenant was found buried? A: Navy markings; Q: What was on the cargo pod that the corpse was found in? A: a deer hunter; Q: Who found the corpse of the lieutenant? A: St. Mary's River State Park; Q: Where was the corpse of the lieutenant found? A: Two; Q: How many former shipmates of the deceased are suspected of the murder and theft? A: suspicion; Q: What do two former shipmates come under for both the murder and the theft? A: the murder; Q: What do Gibbs and Tony work on investigating? A: Kate; Q: Who is charged with tracking down the missing funds? A: his death benefits; Q: What does Kate want to make sure the former wife and daughter of the dead lieutenant receive? A: Abby; Q: Who uses a computer reconstruction to work a confession out of a possible suspect? Summary: Gibbs and the team are called in when a mummified lieutenant, who was believed to have absconded with 1.2 million dollars of stolen Navy funds nine years previously and later received a dishonorable discharge for allegedly deserting his position, is found in a half-buried cargo pod with Navy markings on it by a deer hunter deep in the woods of St. Mary's River State Park . Two former shipmates who served with the deceased come under suspicion for both the murder and the theft. Gibbs and Tony work at investigating the murder, while Kate is charged with tracking down the missing funds, although she is more devoted to ensuring the dead lieutenant's former wife and young daughter receive his death benefits. Abby uses a computer reconstruction to work a confession out of a possible suspect.
(Movie theater. The lights are dimmed and a black and white movie is playing. Jack enters.) ON SCREEN MAN: I want to report a murder. ON SCREEN MAN2: Sit down. Where was the murder committed? (Jack takes a seat directly behind a man.) ON SCREEN MAN: San Francisco, last night. ON SCREEN MAN2: Who was murdered? (Jack leans forward and starts whispering to the man sitting ahead of him.) JACK: I have five names, Alliance partners. ON SCREEN MAN: I was. JACK: I need their whereabouts and phone records for the dates listed. I've included dead drop instructions. Assume the usual protocols have been compromised. (Jack puts his hand on the man's shoulder with the list. No response. He shakes the man a little. He's dead, a gunshot in his head. Jack slowly takes the list back and puts it in his inside jacket pocket. He stands up but a man is suddenly right next to him, shoving a gun under Jack's jaw.) GUNMAN: Take it easy. (Jack hits the gun away from his face and they struggle. Jack puts his hand over the gunman's mouth and shoves the gun to the man's chest. A silenced gunshot goes off. The man falls in the seats. Jack starts to walk in the aisle but someone enters, looking right at Jack. He goes the other way but the man climbs over the seats and tackles Jack. He falls over. They stand. He punches Jack once but Jack blocks the next punch. He takes the man by the neck, bangs him into a seat and then punches him hard. In the stairwell, Jack runs down a flight of stairs, trying to escape. He enters the parking garage and hears a car approaching. He whips out his gun and aims it at the car which comes to a stop.) SYDNEY: Dad, get in! (He pauses. Then gets in the car. They drive off, tires squealing.) (In broad daylight, the middle of the day, Sydney pulls out into a four lane road, passing by a GMC SUV which is parked. Once they spot Sydney's car fly by, they pull out behind her.) JACK: Sydney, what are you doing here? SYDNEY: Kendall contacted me. He was worried because you hadn't signaled in since last night. JACK: Alliance counterintelligence is after me. SYDNEY: Alliance?! Dad, what the hell is going on? JACK: Someone extorted them out of a hundred million dollars. They think that person is me. OPS AGENT: (on comm) Mountaineer, you've got company. (In the ops center, an agent watches a map monitor that trails Sydney and two other vehicles.) OPS AGENT: Two vehicles. An outrider paralleling you, one block west. And a pursuit vehicle. (In the car, Sydney keeps driving.) OPS AGENT: (on comm) One hundred feet behind. (Sydney floors it, speeding ahead.) SYDNEY: How long have you known about this? JACK: I didn't tell you because it didn't concern you! SYDNEY: If the Alliance thinks you're lying to them, they'll kill you. That concerns me! JACK: What concerns me is having them suspect that you're my accomplice. That's why I kept you out of it. (She speeds ahead, changing lanes and passing a car. The SUV is bheind them. She passes another car on a double line. Jack checks behind them as the SUV comes closer and then rams them from behind. They jerk ahead.) OPS AGENT: Take your next left. Now! (She does, making a sharp cut into an alley, cutting off several cars. The SUV tries to make the turn as well but cars are in the way. Sydney keeps driving, with Jack looking back.) OPS AGENT: Take your next right. Your ride's a half a block ahead. (Sharp turn. She drives into a car transport who has its back door lowered for the car to drive up into. The transport, with Sydney's car hidden in the back, drives away as the SUV flies by.) (At the ops center, Jack and Sydney walk together.) JACK: Several months gao, the Alliance offered Sloane a partnership position. In exchange, he had to kill his wife. SYDNEY: Because Emily had learned the truth about SD-6? JACK: He poisoned her. (Flashback: season finale. Sloane and Emily take a drink of wine at dinner.) JACK: (voice over) Or so he thought. (Back to the ops center.) JACK: Soon after the funeral, Sloane began receiving odd messages. (Flashback: "The Indicator" -- Sloane steps out of the shower and sees a glass of red wine on the counter.) JACK: (voice over) Messages designed to indicate thta his efforts had failed. (Flashback: "The Passage, Part 1" -- Sloane receives a finger in a box.) JACK: (voice over) Followed soon after by a terrifying delivery. Proof that she was still alive. (Back at the ops center.) SYDNEY: And in exchange for Emily, they demanded money. JACK: A hundred million, which the Alliance paid. (Flashback: "The Passage, Part 2" -- Sloane opens the envelope with pictures of Emily.) JACK: (voice over) And the blackmailer killed her anyway. (At the ops center.) JACK: The Alliance, obviously, had to find someone to blame for this. SYDNEY: So why focus on you? JACK: I was no more a suspect than anyone else but as they examined my conduct, they realized I had secrets. Elements of my alibi that, because of our work for CIA, I can't fully justify. SYDNEY: And Sloane -- does he think you did this? JACK: I'm not certain. SYDNEY: What are you going to do? Stay here? JACK: For the moment. I'll research what I can. (Sydney's pager beeps.) JACK: The man I went to meet at the movie theater, he had information about the Alliance. Intel I'm not sure the CIA can access. SYDNEY: (re: pager) It's SD-6. JACK: You have to go in. SYDNEY: No. I'm calling in sick. I'm helping you. JACK: No, Sydney, you can't. The agent heading up the investigtion is not interested in you yet but if you don't show up you will arouse her suspicions. You can't allow that to happen. (SD-6/Credit Dauphine elevator. Sydney steps out, into the white room. She stops in the center and it flashes red. She blinks a few times. White again, she walks inside. Sydney nods at an agent and continues in, noticing Ariana Kane and her helper agent talking. She walks by them and they both make eye contact with her. Ariana watches her walk by with interest.) (Inside a conference room with Marshall, Dixon, Sydney and Sloane. Marshall holds the biggest bouquet of pink roses -- more appropriate for a funeral or the Rose Bowl parade.) MARSHALL: Okay, let's be honest. Among life experiences to be avoided, getting kidnapped definitely ranks near the top. E-Except, actually, third grade kind of sucked, too. There was this whole thing -- lunch money thing. That's all right. I kind of overdid it but you saved my bacon. Thank you. (He passes the huge bouquet of pink roses across the table to Sydney, who smiles and takes it from him.) SYDNEY: Marshall, thank you. MARSHALL: Don't worry about it. It's, oh, uh, Mr. Dixon. I really never had an occasion to buy another man a present except my father, Father's Day. Anyway. It's, um, cologne, um. (He passes the blue box over to Dixon. He seems genuinely touched.) DIXON: Thank you. MARSHALL: I think it's really nice and it's going to be nice on you. Not that you need a new scent. Your natural scent's really... very, uh... SLOANE: Marshall? MARSHALL: You know, I'll be quiet now. SLOANE: I appreciate that. MARSHALL: Actually, um, Mr. Sloane, I noticed you're not wearing the tie I gave you. That's okay. (Sloane puts a picture on the screens, all business.) SLOANE: You're looking at a protoype of the triad's most startling achievement to date -- the quantum gyroscope missile guidance system. According to the partial specifications we were able to intercept, not only is this device cheap and easy to manufacture, but it is far more accurate than anything in our current arsenal. It is capable of turning a 70s-era scud into a precision guided munition with range and lethality equivalent to that of a cruise missile. SYDNEY: How did we get these photos? SLOANE: Last month, SD-5 tasked a team of agnets to perform a recon op on the triad's R&D lab in Nice, France. Your task is acquisition. (He puts up a photo of a man on their screens.) SLOANE: Here we have Karl Schatz, he's a courier for triad and he's transporting the prototype to Berlin for mass production. You will intercept it en route. There is no room for failure on this one. You can imagine the consequences if enemies of the United States acquired this technology. (Self-storage building with Vaughn and Sydney.) SYDNEY: There are so many things I hate about Arvin Sloane, but the thing that I hate the most is the way he wraps his criminal activity in a flag. VAUGHN: Well, we won't let him get away with it. Before you go we'll make a defective copy of that gyroscope for you to give to SD-6. We'll need to see those photographs. SYDNEY: Dixon hsa them. He's already on his way to Nice. VAUGHN: Then we'll have to get a team to France. When you're through with the mission make sure you're holding the gyroscope. We'll duplicate it on-site. And, Syd, you should know that, uh, we've been doing everything we can to help your father. SYDNEY: You've been helping my father. VAUGHN: Yeah. SYDNEY: You knew the Alliance was investigating my father. VAUGHN: Yes. SYDNEY: For how long? VAUGHN: Two weeks. Syd, I understand you're upset. SYDNEY: Yeah, I am. VAUGHN: Your father explained why we hadn't told you. SYDNEY: Now that I've had time to think about that-- VAUGHN: It was a question of your safety. SYDNEY: He was almost killed! I saved him! VAUGHN: It hadn't gotten to that-- SYDNEY: Yeah, but it did! VAUGHN: I didn't want you to have more on your mind. SYDNEY: Why are you worrying about what's on my mind? VAUGHN: It was a judgment call. SYDNEY: It's a judgment call you've been making for the past three months! VAUGHN: Involving you had no upside. SYDNEY: There's no upside to keeping me informed? You didn't tell me about Monolo or that you had discussions with my mother! You didn't even tell me that you were seeing Alice again! VAUGHN: Wait. What is this about? SYDNEY: This is about me being too old to be coddled! VAUGHN: Your life is complicated, Sydney! Forgive me for trying to make it any easier! SYDNEY: I don't need you for that! (She walks out, leaving Vaughn standing alone.) (Jack sits at a computer, typing. He receives an e-mail.) SLOANE: (voice over) Jack, I'm sending this through a secure server. I'm sorry. I informed Ariana Kane that you visited my house last night. Not because I believe you're guilty -- I don't -- but because I had to. This past summer, when I was initiated into the Alliance, a device was implanted into my neck. (Flashback: Sloane is injected in front of Christophe and the other Alliance heads in London.) SLOANE: (voice over) It was intended as a means of ensuring loyalty among Alliance partners. Among other things, this device tracks my whereabouts as well as my vital signs. (Everyone claps.) SLOANE: (voice over) It also transmits my conversations back to the Alliance. (Back at the ops center, Jack continues reading.) SLOANE: (voice over) So, you see, they already knew you'd been to see me. You offered many suspects but all your leads were dead ends. Now I offer one of my own. (Flashback: "The Prophecy". Sloane waits in the bushes in Montreal, watching Jean near the fountain.) SLOANE: (voice over) Last year, I murdered a member of the Alliance, Jack. Jean Briault. (He shoots him in the chest and walks away.) SLOANE: (voice over) You can understand why I was reluctant to reveal this. (In the ops center, Jack walks to Irina's cell, holding a printed off copy of Sloane's e-mail.) SLOANE: (voice over) It is quite possible that the blackmailer was stirred by revenge. That he -- or she -- was close to Briault. Stay safe, Jack. Good luck. (Irina is meditating on the floor of her cell.) (Cut to later. Irina is holding the sheet of paper now, having read it over.) JACK: Briault has a wife and an adult son but neither would have the necessary insight to blackmail the Alliance and the other partners considered Briault soft. No one was sad to see him go. IRINA: So you have nothing. (Jack gives a little, helpless shrug.) IRINA: Are you considering going into witness protection? JACK: That would leave Sydney exposed with no one to watch her back. IRINA: You'd have to take her with you. JACK: And have her spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder? That's not an option. IRINA: Then if you're not here to say goodbye, why did you bring this to me? JACK: I need someone to brainstorm with. IRINA: Surely the CIA has teams who specialize in these matters. Forensics, profilers... JACK: Yes. They do. IRINA: Have information resources pull everything they have on Briault. (Sloane walks in the halls of SD-6, an angry look on his face. He whips open an office door and confronts Kane, who sits behind a desk.) SLOANE: I understand you have requested Sydney Bristow's computer. KANE: Well, three months ago Agent Dixon reported evidence suggesting she's a double agent. SLOANE: That was a misunderstanding. Dixon came upon Sydney as she was executing an operation that Jack had authorized. KANE: Yes, I read your report. I think either she was an accomplice to his blackmail or else the two of them have been up to something more... long-term. You must have noticed that Bristow frequently assigns his daughter to operations of his own design. SLOANE: Sydney Bristow is an excellent agent. KANE: All the more reason he would enlist her help. (He rips open the door again and leaves.) (At the ops center, Vaughn tells Sydney her countermission. They're standing far apart and Sydney's looking anywhere but at Vaughn.) VAUGHN: Once you recover the gyroscope you and Dixon will separate for your flights home. Our team will be set up in this utility room where they'll duplicate the gyroscope. (pissed) Any questions? SYDNEY: Maybe you should go over it again. It's a pretty complicated plan. Maybe you could make it easier. VAUGHN: Okay, look, I don't want to be here any more than you do-- WEISS: Hey! Look who's joining you in France! SYDNEY: (smiles) Hey. WEISS: "Hey"? Three months in the hospital, I get a "hey"? How about a little sugar? (She hugs him.) SYDNEY: I'm glad you're back. WEISS: Oh, thank you. And thank you for the plant. Amazingly, I've been able to keep it alive. All right, bring me up to speed. What's our plan? (Sydney and Vaughn exchange angry looks.) SYDNEY: I should get to my plane. (She walks away.) VAUGHN: (pissed) I'll see you in France. WEISS: Okay... (In the Nice airport, Dixon wears yellow sunglasses and poses as a priest holding a donation can.) DIXON: Excusez-moi, monsieur. Une contribution, monsieur? (Coin clinks in his can.) DIXON: Ha ha ha! Merci beaucoup! Nothing yet, Syd. No sign of the courier. (Sydney sits in a different part of the airport, reading a magazine.) SYDNEY: Copy that. Just let me know when to move. DIXON: You know what? SYDNEY: What? DIXON: I've already made forty-seven euros. (Again with the number forty-seven. Sydney smiles.) DIXON: Merci! (In the utility room, Weiss nods at another agent, holding two cups of coffee.) WEISS: Hey. (He gives one cup to Vaughn and sits down across from him.) WEISS: You sure you don't want to talk about this? VAUGHN: There's nothing to talk about. WEISS: I share my fights with you! VAUGHN: No you don't. WEISS: Yeah, I do. Remember when Alan pissed in the living room? VAUGHN: That was your dog. WEISS: Yeah, but I was angry about it and I let you know how upset I was. VAUGHN: I appreciate you trying to cheer me up. You don't have to do that. WEISS: All right, here's a thought. Tell her how you feel. (Vaughn gives him a look.) WEISS: I know, I know, I was the one who said this is a line you don't cross but that was before I nearly died. And you know what they say about the white light and all that? No. They're wrong. It's darkness. Darkness. VAUGHN: I understand. (Back out in the airport.) DIXON: Game time, Syd. Here comes our guy. (Schatz and two other men are walking towards Dixon. Dixon pushes up his yellow sunglasses which enable him to see through Schatz's jacket. He sees the gyroscope.) DIXON: Gyroscope is in a shoulder harness, under his left pec. You can use the Artful Dodger. SYDNEY: Right. (She takes off her ring.) MARSHALL: (voice over) Now, if it's not in his briefcase and it's in his pocket... (Flashback to Marshall at SD-6 with Dixon and Sydney, showing the ring.) MARSHALL: ...here is a little goody every pickpocket can use. I like to call this baby the Artful Dodger. You know, after that movie. Um... DIXON: "Oliver!" MARSHALL: Right. "Please sir, can I have some more?" I love that movie. I'ts a good one. So, basically, you just turn this guy like that, slip it on, turn around and this little guy will cut through anything. (Wearing the ring, he talks with his hands and passes his tie, which cuts the end off.) MARSHALL: Damn it. I liked this tie. (Sydney turns the ring around. Dixon stops Schatz and company.) DIXON: Excusez-moi, monsieur. Une contribution pour les enfants. GUY: Non, merci. DIXON: Monsieur! Pour les enfants, monsieur! (They keep walking.) DIXON: Better hurry, Syd. (Sydney walks, wearing red fishnet stockings and sporting a tattoo on one arm with purple hair and a dog collar around her neck. She swings her hips, walking with much attitude. Approaching the metal detector near Dixon, she passes by Schatz and his men, going ahead of them.) DIXON: Syd, move! SYDNEY: (New York accent) How you doin'? (She passes through and it beeps. The security guy speaks French at her, telling her to go through again.) SYDNEY: It wasn't me! (He motions to her bracelets and necklace, to take it off. She starts taking it all off.) SYDNEY: Damn machine, that happens every time I go through these. (He tells her it's for security.) SYDNEY: Whatevah. At JFK I went through five times, they literally had me take off my sirt. (She takes out the really large earring she was wearing, throws it down in the basket. Giving the guy a look, she passes through the detector again. Dixon watches. Under his donation can is a button. He presses it, which sets off the metal detector.) SYDNEY: Oh, my gawd! (He takes her by the arm.) SYDNEY: Watch the hand. Hey, it's not a date! (He tells her he's taking her aside when she sees Schatz being escorted through the metal detectors. Now or never.) SYDNEY: I see, you wanna get your thrills? (She takes off her shirt, showing off her vinyl/leather bra underneath. She goes through the metal detector at the same time as him, bumping into his chest.) SCHATZ: Oof! (Sydney takes the gyroscope out of his harness.) SYDNEY: (flirting) Excusez-moi. (On the other side, she stands there in her leather bra and gives the security guy another look. She passes through and Dixon doesn't press the button. No beep.) SECURITY: Merci, mademoiselle. SYDNEY: Thank you. (She puts the gyroscope in her skeleton bag.) DIXON: Good work. I'll see you in LA. (With her shirt back on, Sydney walks in the utility room. Vaughn's on the phone but Weiss comes up to her.) WEISS: Good work. VAUGHN: Base ops, this is Boy Scout. Mountaineer has just delivered the package. We're proceeding with the copy. (He hangs up and looks at her, still in her purple hair and costume.) VAUGHN: We're estimating two hours 'til the duplicate is ready. (Sydney looks at him briefly, still angry. Vaughn looks at Weiss who motions to her. He looks down, working up the courage.) VAUGHN: Listen, uh, do you want to go to dinner? When we were driving into town I saw this place. Rousseau, I think it's called. SYDNEY: Vaughn, we... we can't do that. VAUGHN: Why not? SYDNEY: Well, for a million reasons. If Alliance security sees us together they'll kill us. VAUGHN: The nearest Alliance cell is in Zurich. The CIA tracks SD-6 security section. There haven't been any signals, no movement. SYDNEY: You're serious. VAUGHN: We've been to restaurants and sat near each other. We've met in parks and convenience stores, and all of them in LA where we are much more likely to be seen. Look, two things -- one, I think it's not that great a risk and two, I am hungry. I'm starving. I mean, we're going to be together anyway, why can't we be eating? Aren't you hungry? SYDNEY: Yeah, I'm hungry. (Pause.) SYDNEY: Let's do it. VAUGHN: Yeah? SYDNEY: (nods) I'm going to change. VAUGHN: (laughs) That's a good idea. SYDNEY: Okay. (She walks away. Weiss comes over.) WEISS: And? VAUGHN: We're going to dinner. WEISS: Ooooh yah! (He does a little dance.) VAUGHN: I'm going to keep my comm channel open. I need you to monitor the RF frequency. WEISS: Got it. Okay. In exchange I'll take an eclair. VAUGHN: No, I'm serious. Any suspect signal, I want to know about it. Anything. WEISS: If they're small, bring at least two. How we doing over here? (Back in LA, there's a knock at Kane's SD-6 office.) HELPER AGENT: Sydney Bristow just left the airport accompanied by a man. Not Dixon. KANE: Find out who he is. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Rousseau's, Vaughn and Sydney are brought inside by the owner. Vaughn tells him in French that they're from L'Avignon.) ROUSSEAU: Well, you speak French almost as well as I do. Mademoiselle. SYDNEY: Thank you. (He takes her jacket and they both sit down.) ROUSSEAU: See what you like and I'll be right back. VAUGHN: Merci. (He smiles at her. She opens the menu and then looks over at him. He looks at her. Awkward pause.) SYDNEY: I think wine would help the situation. VAUGHN: I was just thinking the same thing. S'il vous plait? (It's not wine, but Irina pours water from a bottle, into her glass. Jack is in her cell and they're sitting at a table with Chinese food and papers spread out everywhere.) IRINA: There must be a dozen ways to blackmail the Alliance, all of them far less elaborate than this one. JACK: So we can assume a secondary objective to make Arvin suffer. Someone harboring an acute hatred... meaning it could be anyone. IRINA: Does the Alliance have any permanent operations in Peru? JACK: Peru? No. Why? IRINA: Jean Briault, whenever he traveled he would use his credit card. Except here. Six times this past year he went to Lima but not a single transaction. (She passes the sheet to Jack.) JACK: I think there's a customs statement... (He finds it.) JACK: Six arrivals into Chavez airport, each time he declared seventy thousand in cash. IRINA: Why? What's he doing with all that money? No investments, he's not buying art. Is it possible he was running his own syndicate? JACK: One the Alliance wasn't aware of. He can't wire his agents operational money, the Alliance would spot that. So he bankrolls them in Peru. Assume we're right. Why would they want revenge for his murder? I'll have customs send over all arrivals and depatures into Peru for one week on either side of Briault's visits. (He gets up, gathering a few things.) IRINA: When I was your wife... (He stops and looks at her.) IRINA: I would meet my case officer in his hotel room. I suggest you find out where Briault stayed and pull the hotel security footage. (At the restaurant, Vaughn and Sydney are into the wine.) SYDNEY: So I heard you on the phone with base ops. Your code name is Boy Scout? VAUGHN: (laughs) Yeah. SYDNEY: Why? VAUGHN: Um, it goes back to CST -- clandestine service training. You don't want to hear this. SYDNEY: Vaughn. VAUGHN: Okay, the Boy Scouts have a motto-- SYDNEY: Always be prepared. VAUGHN: (nods) On my first day, I showed up and I had forgotten my field manual so the instructor said, "That is your one screwup. And from then on, you'd better be prepared." WEISS: (on comm) This story is a disaster! (Vaughn looks humiliated, gestures to his ear where his comm link is.) WEISS: (on comm) Just tell her she's pretty! Are you an idiot? VAUGHN: Okay, I'm going to turn you off now. Goodbye. (He takes out the earpiece.) VAUGHN: Sorry. (Outside the restaurant, two men sit in a car.) MAN1: He's not SD-6. MAN2: Check his DMV. MAN1: What makes you think he's American? MAN2: What makes you think he isn't? (The computer on MAN1's lap starts flicking through facial recognition pictures, looking to identify Vaughn.) MAN2: Who's our mystery man? (Back inside.) VAUGHN: Tell me about your pets. SYDNEY: What? VAUGHN: Your pets. I want to know about every pet you ever had. (Outside, the computer brings up Vaughn's California license.) MAN1: Look at that. Michael Vaughn. US Department of State. MAN2: Son of a bitch. He's CIA. (Inside, more wine is being had.) SYDNEY: Playing pool. I can see it. VAUGHN: You should play sometime. ROUSSEAU: So you liked everything? SYDNEY: C'etait tres bon, merci. VAUGHN: Parfait. ROUSSEAU: So, uh, it is too late for you to set out for L'Avignon and you had much to drink. Upstairs, I have an inn and tonight, you are my guests. Please. (He places the room key on the table.) ROUSSEAU: Take your time. Merci. (Sydney looks at Vaughn. He leans in.) VAUGHN: Did you ask him to do that? SYDNEY: (smiles) There are so many issues with this, I don't know where to begin. VAUGHN: Hold on a second. I think we should have an open mind about this. SYDNEY: An open mind. VAUGHN: It'd be rude to overlook such a generous offer without proper consideration. SYDNEY: I wouldn't dream of it. VAUGHN: Okay. SYDNEY: But there are clearly issues. VAUGHN: Yes. I don't disagree. (He smiles at her.) SYDNEY: Okay. (In the utility room at the airport, the duplicate is almost ready.) WEISS: Right on time. (The phone rings.) WEISS: Go ahead, base ops. (Rick is back at the ops center in LA.) RICK: Infosec just called. Interpol reported a network intrusion. Five minutes later someone hacked into US DMV and downloaded Vaughn's info. Both attacks originated from Nice. (Weiss scrambles for his headset.) WEISS: Boy Scout, do you copy? Boy Scout! This is field station, do you respond? What's the name of the restaurant? Where they're having dinner, what's the name of the restaurant! (At the restaurant.) ROUSSEAU: Monsieur, vous avez le telephone. VAUGHN: Merci. (He takes it. The two men from outside enter the restaurant.) VAUGHN: Hello? WEISS: You've been made! Get out of there now! VAUGHN: Syd, behind you! (She turns around fast and takes their wine bottle, throwing it at the goons. She flies by the counter, hiding. Vaughn takes out his gun and shoots at the two men. They shoot back. Vaughn and Sydney run out the back way, down the hall.) MAN2: Go, go! (Vaughn and Sydney escape through the kitchen, running down the stairs in the back of the building. They run side by side down an alleyway when a car comes. They stop and start running back, but MAN1 is there. He shoots at their feet. Sydney and Vaughn raise their hands, trapped. MAN2 gets out of the car.) MAN2: Hands up! MAN1: Your gun. Toss it over. (Vaughn does so, sliding it across the pave.) MAN1: On your knees! Hands behind your head! MAN2: Down! MAN1: Down, get down! (MAN2 gets on the phone while MAN1 handcuffs Sydney.) MAN2: Potesh, Jon. ID six-tango-five-charlie-david. Patch me through to Los Angeles. Ariana Kane. (Sydney and Vaughn hear this. As MAN1 is about to handcuff Vaughn, he grabs the knife strapped to his leg and stabs the guy in the throat. Using the body as a shield, he takes the goon's gun and shoots at MAN2, who falls to the ground. Vaughn grabs the handcuff key off the ground nearby and unlocks Sydney.) VOICE ON PHONE: This is Kane. Hello? Hello? (Sydney grabs the phone which is on the ground next to MAN2's body and hangs it up. Vaughn makes sure that MAN1 is dead. He puts a key in Sydney's hand.) VAUGHN: Take the car. I'll have Weiss pick me up. SYDNEY: I'll pick up the copy of the gyroscope before I get on the plane. VAUGHN: No! We're aborting the countermission. When these guys don't show up, SD-6 is going to investigate. SYDNEY: No, no, no... VAUGHN: Now they can't prove anything but this is the one time we can't deceive them. SYDNEY: No, no, there have to be other options... VAUGHN: We have to give SD-6 what they want, as dangerous as that is, you know that. SYDNEY: We were so stupid. VAUGHN: It's my fault. SYDNEY: That's not true. (A siren wails in the distance.) VAUGHN: You have to go. SYDNEY: I'll see you back in LA. (Sydney runs off in one direction. Vaughn grabs his gun from the ground and runs in the opposite direction.) (At the ops center, Vaughn types on a computer. Weiss walks up.) WEISS: Hey. VAUGHN: Hey. WEISS: This your uh, debrief for Kendall? VAUGHN: Yeah. WEISS: (reads) Okay, you can't show him this. No, I'm serious. If Kendall sees this-- VAUGHN: He needs to know why SD-6 has the real gyroscope. WEISS: I agree. I think so, too. But this requires a little creativity. Look, tell him it was my fault, okay? Tell him that, um, grinding the lenses took a little longer than expected and we weren't ble to make Sydney's plane. VAUGHN: I won't let you cover for me. WEISS: I'm not but it's partially my fault too. I'm the one who told you to take her on a date. VAUGHN: You told me to tell her how I feel. WEISS: Whatever. I'm three-months past a near death experience, what the hell are you doing listening to my advice for? VAUGHN: I'm recommending that I be replaced as her case officer. WEISS: Okay, now you're just being stupid. I'm sorry, but that's ridi-- VAUGHN: I nearly blew our entire operation inside SD-6. Not to mention putting Sydney's life in danger. WEISS: Hey, she wanted to go to dinner, too. She's a big girl. She knew the risks. VAUGHN: My point is that my judgment was compromised. WEISS: Not to mention the fact that all the damage that you and Sydney have done to SD-6 -- have you given any thought to the fact that maybe all that work was done because of the way you feel about each other? (pause) How's that for spin. VAUGHN: It's not bad. WEISS: Well, whatever you decide to do, just make sure you discuss this with Sydney first, okay? I mean, this affects her too. (Jack walks up to Rick, who's at his own computer.) JACK: Anything? RICK: When Briault went to Peru, he stayed at Hotel Cerocontidad. We're scanning everyone who passes through the lobby. If he went with any assets they'll show up on the federal databse. (Jack looks at the security footage.) JACK: This is Briault? RICK: That's him last February. That's him 2001, November. 2001, September... JACK: Stop. Who's that with him? Can we enhance this? RICK: The shadows are pretty severe, I can boost the gamma. JACK: Are they together? RICK: Let me try something here. This won't be perfect. (He brightens the person behind Briault in the hallway and blows it up. It's Ariana Kane.) (Jack walks down a hall. Kendall catches up.) KENDALL: Jack, I just saw McCarthy. JACK: Did he tell you about Kane? KENDALL: Yeah, she and Briault were having an affair? JACK: I can't stand that I didn't put that together myself. KENDALL: He also says you're going to SD-6. JACK: To prove Kane blackmailed the Alliance. KENDALL: And you know this how? JACK: The very day Sloane handed over a hundred million in bearer bonds, Kane opened an account in Monaco. The contents of that account are protected by privacy laws but SD-6 utilizes their cover as Credit Dauphine to acquire illicit access to that information. If I can get on their network, I can verify her balance. KENDALL: But this is based on your assumption that Kane just parked a hundred million in the bank. My point is, if you're wrong they'll kill you. Let me contact the director, the CIA can verify what's in the account. JACK: He'd have to get general counsel to sign off. That's minimum forty-eight hours. I may be safe here but if they haven't already they'll soon begin to suspect Sydney. But I appreciate the offer. (Inside SD-6, Jack walks down a hall, nods at an agent, and looks back and forth before turning a corner. He enters an office.) (In Kane's office, her helper opens the door.) HELPER AGENT: Jack Bristow's here. He's in the building. Security lock shows he came in two minutes ago. KANE: Seal the exits! No one leaves until we find him. Who monitors close-circuit? (In the server room, Jack types. He punches in the account ID number. Account balance: $0.00 He begins typing again.) (Jack walks down a hall, turns a corner and finds Helper Agent.) HELPER AGENT: Jack. JACK: Can I help you? HELPER AGENT: Yes. Come with us, please. (Jack turns, trying to get away, but he's shot in the back and falls.) (The torture/conversation room. The same doctor they always use fills up a syringe. Jack is strapped into the chair and comes to, very groggy.) KANE: Hello, Jack. There's a plane waiting to take us to London but I thought we should wait for your daughter to return before we left. I came here to investigate a blackmail but... you've proven far more compelling than a simple thief. JACK: I know... what you did... KANE: Do you? I'm eager to hear what that may be. (The doctor injects him.) KANE: Sodium pentothal. Won't take more than a few minutes. Then we'll talk about Sydney. (His eyelids flutter. The door is suddenly opened and Jack watches as Sloane and a few other men walk in. Kane is seen telling them to get out of there. They take her by the arms.) JACK: (voice over) Five minutes longer and I would have told everything. Sydney and I would have been revealed as double agents and killed. (They unbuckle the straps and Jack is taken out of the chair. Sloane talks to the doctor. An arm around Sloane, Jack is being taken out of the room.) JACK: (voice over) Fortunately, Sloane saw the e-mail that I sent him from the server room, detailing what I discovered. (Screaming and resisting, Ariana is put into the chair and strapped in.) JACK: (voice over) Ariana Kane had in fact deposited the bearer bonds into that Monaco account but only long enough to convert them into cash which she then transferred out. (A syringe is brought to her arm as she screams.) IRINA: (voice over) And have they recovered the cash? JACK: (voice over) Not yet. (Irina's cell. This time Jack's on the other side of the glass.) IRINA: And Arvin never questioned why you ran? JACK: No, he realizes Kane was on a witch hunt, that running was a valid option. In fact, he's taking a week off and leaving me in charge while he's gone. Thank you for everything. (She smiles.) IRINA: There is one thing that strikes me as odd. JACK: Yes. Me too. IRINA: You said Sloane requested Kane to investigate. JACK: The one person who had an apparent motive for blackmail. IRINA: Someone easy to frame. JACK: Interesting theory. IRINA: Or not. (Self-storage.) VAUGHN: Hey. SYDNEY: Hey. What did Kendall say? VAUGHN: He told me about your father. He didn't mention anything about our date, if that's what you mean. SYDNEY: Have you written your mission debrief? VAUGHN: No, not yet. If I tell the truth, at the least, they'll remove me as your case officer. Despite what we did, how stupid we were, I know we do good work. We need to stay together. SYDNEY: I agree. We do good work. (She gives him the gyroscope.) VAUGHN: I don't understand. SYDNEY: When I got back to SD-6 and saw my father it was clear no one would be asking questions about Kane's missing agents so I gave SD-6 the counterfeit gyroscope. This is the real one. We win. VAUGHN: At the airport, you took them both. SYDNEY: Always be prepared. (Francie and Sydney sit on their sofa, eating popcorn. Francie flips through a magazine.) FRANCIE: So I had a blood test today for the health insurance and there was this guy there, giving blood. And he's kinda cute so I look over and I smile at him. And guess what happens? SYDNEY: He fainted. FRANCIE: You just guessed that he--? SYDNEY: It's a blood sugar thing. FRANCIE: Okay, well, fine, before I realized that I was pretty psyched. I was thinking, "My smile made a man go weak in the knees." Hey, ooh, how was--uh, any news about that guy Michael from work? SYDNEY: No. There's not going to be. I realized, it's not worth fantasizing about. Nothing's ever going to come of it. FRANCIE: Right. Okay. Get your coat, we're going for cocktails. SYDNEY: Oh, no, Francie. FRANCIE: I'm serious, you need the biggest Cosmopolitan, I can't even tell you. Come on. Up, up, up, up, girl. We're gonna paint this town. Come on, shake this off. (At Francie's restaurant, the girls drink and laugh together.) (At the ops center, Vaughn types his debrief on the computer.) (In an office somewhere, Sloane opens a briefcase full of money. The nerdy guy he's showing it to nods and turns around, presenting a gold wedding band to him. He puts it near Sloane and it buzzes with frequency.) NERD: Damn. I'm good. SLOANE: It's working? NERD: What did I tell you? You asked me if this was possible, I say give me three months. Look at that. Eighty-nine days later. SLOANE: They can't hear us. NERD: Nope. The hard part was cracking the spread spectrum algorithm. The transmission in here has to match their receiver exactly. You see that? That's the switch. SLOANE: What are my associates hearing? NERD: I programmed in a variety of ambiant sounds. Rain, TV chatter. Right now you're cruising down the 405 listening to Miles Davis. SLOANE: And biorhythms? NERD: Piece of cake. EKG readings, breathing patterns. As far as they know, you're as steady as Charlie Watts. (He looks at the money.) NERD: Ten mil. Holy God. (Sloane puts on his new wedding ring and starts to walk out.) NERD: Must feel good. SLOANE: What's that? NERD: Being able to speak freely. Nobody knowing your business. SLOANE: Yeah. It does. (He takes out his gun and shoots him in the chest once. Sloane steps forward, coming closer, and shoots him again.) (The Philippines. On a sandy beach, Sloane is dressed in symbolic white. He walks and then stops, taking off his glasses. He comes to a beach house and steps up on the porch. The door opens.) SLOANE: We did it. (Emily steps out on the porch with him.) EMILY: Are you sure? Are you sure it worked? SLOANE: Yes, my love. We're free. (They kiss. Emily puts her hand on his back... with one finger missing.)
Plan: A: Ariana Kane; Q: Who is the Alliance counterintelligence head? A: her fugitive father; Q: What is Ariana Kane trying to catch? A: Jack; Q: Who elicits Irina's help in finding Sloane's blackmailer? A: their covers; Q: What do Sydney and Vaughn risk exposing to SD-6 when they share a romantic dinner together? A: a case; Q: What are Sydney and Vaughn on in France? A: special guest star Faye Dunaway; Q: Who portrays Ariana Kane? Summary: While Alliance counterintelligence head Ariana Kane tracks Sydney in order to catch her fugitive father, Jack elicits Irina's help in finding Sloane's blackmailer. Meanwhile, Sydney and Vaughn risk exposing their covers to SD-6 when they share a romantic dinner together while on a case in France. Ariana Kane is portrayed by special guest star Faye Dunaway
EXT. - MOUNTAIN PASS - THE OLD WEST - DAY [A couple of cowboys in dusters hurriedly climb up a precariously rocky path. A woman in a petit coat and hat lags behind, stumbling. Cowboy #1, played by Burr Connors, stops to look in the bullet chamber of his six-shooter. Horses neigh in the distance. Cowboy #2, played by Rod Sebring, stops and turns to him.] Cowboy #1: We're done for now. Cowboy #2: We'd be clear to Barker Pass by now if you hadn't brought that uppity preacher's daughter. Cowboy #1: Sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Cowboy #2: Yeah. [The preacher's daughter walks up and puts her hands on her hips.] Preacher's Daughter: Looking for these, boys? [She has a couple of bullet-laden bandoliers strapped across her chest.] Cowboy #1: What the... [She steps up to Cowboy #1 and grabs him and kisses him.] Preacher's Daughter: For last night. [She slaps him.] Preacher's Daughter: For this morning. Next time, don't undercook the yolks. [Cowboy #1 looks at Cowboy #2, who smirks at him. The director shouts through a megaphone.] Director: (off screen) And cut! [We see the cameras and the crew standing nearby. The woman playing the preacher's daughter rubs Burr's cheek.] Woman: Are you okay? Burr: (to director) Do I get extra pay for that? Director: (megaphone) Back to ones, everybody. [The director gets up and walks off. Several people scramble around the set.] [Title card: On location for with Burr Connor 1985, Lone Pine, California] EXT. - PARKING LOT - BURR CONNOR'S TRAILER - DAY [It's a foggy, rainy day in the mountains, on the set of Burr's movie. He steps out of his trailer, into the parking lot. The trailer next to his, belonging to co-star Rod Sebring, is rocking. Burr looks around, approaches, and goes in.] INT. - ROD SEBRING'S TRAILER - DAY [Rod is on the bed having s*x with a guy named Ben. Burr freaks. He pulls Rod off the guy.] Burr: Get the hell off of him! Ben: Oh, sh1t! Oh! [Burr grabs the naked Ben and drags him toward the door by his neck.] Rod: Burr, c'mon! Burr! [Ben shouts in terror. Rod follows. Burr mutters angrily, then throws Ben out the door.] Burr: Get the f*ck outta here! Ben: Argh! [Ben crashes hard on the wet pavement.] Burr: Go on! [Burr tosses his clothes out.] Burr: Don't come back! [Ben grabs his clothes and runs away.] Burr: (to Rod) What the f*ck are you doing?! Rod: It's none of your business! Burr: It is absolutely my business! What if that kid talks, huh? Did you ever think of that? [Rod rubs his face, frustrated.] Burr: Huh? What if he goes to The Star and he says that Rod Sebring is an ass bandit? Rod: No. No. Ben wouldn't do that. Burr: Ben wouldn't do that. Rod: No. He wouldn't. Burr: You don't know that. And I have too much riding on this picture. [Burr walks out.] Rod: Burr. Burr! [Opening credits.] INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MORNING [Alice and Dana are cuddling in bed, asleep. The clock radio comes on. Alice rolls over and groggily smacks it. Alice rolls back over on top of Dana. They cuddle. Alice starts to kiss Dana's back, then slides a hand under the covers. Dana's eyes pop open.] Dana: Oh, my God. Oh, my God! [Dana squirms out from under Alice. Alice flops over onto the other side of the bed.] Alice: God, don't freak, it's Sunday, we're allowed to get up late. [Dana scrambles to put some clothes on.] Dana: Alice, it's Monday. [Alice sits up, still groggy.] Alice: No. Mm-mm. No, it's Sunday. Dana: Alice, think about it. Yesterday, we got brunch delivered, and then the night before, we watched "Saturday Night Live". Alice: (gasping) Right! Oh, f*ck! Oh, my God, I have my KCRW thing tomorrow! (sits up) I haven't come up with a single idea! I'm totally f*cking up! Oh, God. [Now Alice scrambles off the bed and gets dressed. Dana sits on the bed.] Alice: Uh, it's - uh! What am I gonna do for my audition?! A once-a-week, three-minute culture spot. Great. I need f*cking ideas! Dana: People who ruin their lives because they can't stop having s*x? Alice: 'Kay. That's really not helping. [Alice puts on her glasses and grabs her laptop.] Dana: I'm sorry. Look, you're not the only one who's blown off important things to stay in bed f*cking for five days, okay? I should be training. Alice: You should always be training. So. Dana: Alright, look. [Dana sits up on her knees and takes Alice's face in her hands.] Dana: I'm gonna go make us some coffee, okay? Alice: Okay. [They kiss.] Dana: Work. [They kiss.] Alice: Okay. [Dana leaves for the kitchen.] Dana: Get to work! Alice: Okay, okay. [Alice plops down on her stomach on the bed, with her laptop.] INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY [Mark is watching Shane on his computer. She stands in the middle of her bedroom, looking at her battered face in a handheld mirror. He copies the clip from the video and puts it into the timeline on his video editing program.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Bette sits at a table by herself. Tina walks in and approaches. They smile at each other. Tina's face lights up when she smiles at her.] Bette: Hey. Tina: Hi. [Tina sits. Bette starts to pour her a cup of tea.] Bette: I got you tea. I wasn't sure what you were eating these days, but... Tina: Thank you, that's nice. [Bette finishes pouring and sets the pot down. She smiles modestly at Tina, trying to look away each time she looks at her. It's no use.] Bette: I spoke to Dan Foxworthy this morning. I was thinking about going back to therapy. Tina: Oh. I don't know about therapy. I think we should just focus on the baby. Bette: Oh, no, not for us - I - I was thinking about... going to see him... myself. (smiles) [Tina seems hugely impressed. She smiles huge, her face lighting up again.] Tina: Oh! That's great, that's really great. [The smile fades a little.] Tina: That'll be good for you. Bette: (smiling) Yeah. [The moments are tense between them. Bette is about to take a sip of her drink, but stops.] Bette: Can I just say one thing? Tina: You can say anything you want. Bette: (smiling) No, I can't. I mean, you've made it clear that you don't exactly wanna hear what I have to say right now and that's fine, but I, um... I never got to say... how happy I am for you. For us. [Bette looks deeply sad and happy at the same time. Tina gives her a genuine smile.] Tina: I'm glad you're happy. [Bette stares at her sadly and takes a deep breath.] Tina: This should be your happiness too. Let's, um... just focus on being really good parents. [They both smile and chuckle.] Tina: It'll be a new kind of partnership for us. [Bette smiles then looks down, sad. Tina watches her. Bette looks up again, smiles, and raises her glass to Tina. Tina raises hers. They toast.] EXT. - SIDEWALK OUTSIDE THE PLANET - DAY [Carmen and Jenny are walking down the sidewalk, toward The Planet.] Jenny: My teacher, Charlotte Birch, is pushing me. And I'm really freaked out because she's intimating there's some kind of mysterious challenge in all of this for me. Carmen: Okay, well can I tell you what I think about Charlotte? [They cross the street.] Carmen: I think - Jenny: What. Carmen: You have a crush on her. Jenny: No, I don't. Carmen: I think you do and I think it's totally okay, and - and I think that you are allowed to have a crush on your teacher. And you know what? I think you should go for it. Totally go for it. Jenny: f*ck you. Carmen: What? [They stop in front of The Planet and face each other. Behind them, Helena pulls up and parks her car on the curb. Jenny stares at Carmen.] Carmen: You want me to be jealous? [Jenny nods. Carmen kisses her.] Carmen: Well, if you think about f*cking her, I will kill you. [Jenny kisses Carmen.] INT. - THE PLANET - BETTE'S TABLE - DAY [Tina is looking in her day planner.] Tina: My next sonogram is Wednesday the 7th at 10 a.m. Bette: Well, I'd love to be there - I mean, if that's okay with you. (smiling) I'd really like to see the baby. Helena: How exciting. [Neither of them have noticed Helena. Helena puts her arm on Tina's shoulder. Bette seems to draw back a little.] Helena: You ready to go? The agent has four listings planned out for us. [Tina gets her things.] Helena: (to Bette) We're real estate hunting. Bette: Real estate hunting. Helena: Mm-hmm. Tina: Oh. Helena wants to rent a house in L.A. [Tina kind of shakes her head, indicating to Bette it's not a house for them both.] Helena: The Chateau Marmont is getting so tedious, I mean, I can't walk from one end of the lobby to the other without being offered to do blow or finance four independent films starring Maggie Gyllenhaal. Bette: (laughing) All totally unsolicited, I'm sure. Helena: (straight faced) Totally. Tina: (to Bette) Um... I'll see you on the 7th. Okay? I'll call you. [Tina gets up and leaves with Helena. Helena puts a hand on Tina's back as they walk off.] INT. - SLEAZY PRODUCER'S OFFICE - DAY [Mark and Gomey sit in the office of a sleazy producer, listening to him talk.] Producer: Look, the thing about reality is it's gonna draw the audience in. Mark: Right. Producer: Basically, I need pussy that we can smell and taste. Gomey: Absolutely. Mark: Right. Of course. I mean... the thing about this film, though, is it's got that, but it's got more. It's um... it's fascinating, I mean... we're giving people access to a world that they've never seen before. You know. It's like journalists who infiltrate mosques, it's witness - Producer: Why don't you show me footage? I mean, usually, I don't write checks sight-unseen. Mark: I completely understand. Um... I just need a little more time. [The producer pinches the bridge of his nose.] Mark: I mean, this isn't scripted, so it's - something's happening, I mean, it's real but we can't force - Gomey: (to producer) We'll cut you something together. And it will be dripping with hot lesbian pussy. (to Mark) Won't it, dude? Mark: Yeah. Yeah. I'll work on cutting something together. Producer: You can, uh... show yourselves out. Mark: Great. Well, thank you. Gomey: Yeah, thanks. INT. - HOUSE FOR RENT #1 - FOYER - DAY [A real estate agent guy is ushering Helena and Tina into a purely massive house full of marble everything, chandeliers, old furniture, and classical sculpture.] Agent: Did you see the movie Hannibal? Uh, Freddie versus Jason? Helena: (scoffs) Please. You don't honestly think that regaling me with a list of the owners' mediocre movies is really going to influence whether I rent this property or not? [Tina walks around the foyer, which is as big as most one-bedroom apartments.] Helena: May I see the specs, please? [The agent hands Helena the folder with the details about the house. Helena smiles at Tina.] Tina: I think I'm gonna go take a look around. Helena: Mkay. But, um... [Helena steps up to Tina.] Helena: Don't go too far. [Helena kisses Tina in front of the agent, who watches. After a couple of seconds, Tina pulls away, blushing but embarrassed. She walks into the expansive parlor, furnished with a chandelier, grand piano, a huge, old couch and a massive fireplace.] Helena: (to agent) So, I'm assuming the tenant will move out of the guest house if I decide to rent this behemoth? [The agent nods and smiles at her.] Helena: Ah. Now, why don't you tell me about the household staff that come along with this property? [They walk into another part of the house.] INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY [Alice sits on the bed with her laptop. Dana sits on the edge of the bed, lifting weights.] Alice: Okay. Listen to this. Um... [Alice starts to talk in a radio commentator voice - soft, soothing, and enunciated.] Alice: (reading) "Walking through Fred Segal this week, I could sense all was not right in the world of consumerism. Something's wrong." Dana: You said that. Alice: What? Dana: Well, you said all was not right, and then you said something's wrong. Just... it seems redundant. Alice: Okay. May I? Dana: Yeah, go ahead. Alice: Okay. (clears throat) (reading) "There's an invasion underway. Our troops are in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and we are here, shopping." Dana: What are you doing to your voice? Alice: It's my radio commentator voice. You have to have one. Can I continue now? Dana: Yeah. Sorry. Alice: Thank you. (clears throat) (reading) "Is the main mission of our troops the protection of our way of life, and is our way of life defined by our consumerism? Are women and men dying in Iraq so that back home we can shop til we drop?" Dana: Is consumerism the right word? [Alice stops and stares flatly at Dana.] INT. - HOUSE FOR RENT #1 - TERRACE - DAY [Tina walks around the terrace and looks out one of the huge floor-to-ceiling windows. Helena walks in.] Helena: Well. It's a little vulgar. But it's amusing. Tina: Could you live like this? [Helena tosses her bag on the nearby desk and walks toward Tina.] Helena: Why don't we find out? [Tina chuckles.] Helena: Hey. [Helena puts her arms around Tina and starts to try and kiss her.] Tina: What are you doing? [Helena kisses her and backs her up against a desk.] Helena: I couldn't be expected - [Helena kisses her. Tina sits up on the desk, smiling. Helena stands between her legs.] Helena: - to have a property like this without seeing if it's conducive - [Helena kisses Tina, then unbuttons her shirt and kisses her chest.] Helena: - to this. [Tina turns around to see if the agent guy is around.] Helena: Hey. [Tina turns back around. Helena kisses her, then kisses her chest. Tina sighs. Helena looks up at her. Tina goes stiff and moans. Helena moves forward a little; Tina closes her eyes and shudders. Helena's face is an inch away. She teases her, almost kissing her.] Helena: Could you live like this? [Tina sighs, her breath shaking.] Tina: Oh yeah... [Helena opens her mouth, gasping a little. Tina kisses her, then grabs her hair and kisses her harder. Behind them in the parlor, the agent walks in. Neither of them notice.] Agent: Helena. You've seen the matching - [Helena kisses Tina, and starts to push her further back on the desk. Tina rocks back in ecstasy and moans - until she realizes the agent is talking to them.] Agent: - his and hers walk-in closets? [Tina hops off the desk and looks at the agent, embarrassed. The agent smiles.] Agent: Or should I say hers and hers? EXT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - BACK PORCH - DAY [Shane walks out the back door, wearing sunglasses. Mark stops her.] Mark: Shane! Hey. Shane: Hey. Mark: (smiling) You're alive. I haven't seen you around, how've you been? [Shane nods.] Mark: How's, uh... (points to eye) Shane: Oh, it's uh... it's better, thank you. [Shane starts to walk away.] Mark: I've been worried about you. Shane: Thanks. Mark: Um. So where you off to? Shane: Work. Mark: Hair job, or Veronica Bloom job? Shane: Hair job. It's a day call. [Shane starts to walk off again.] Mark: Um. Well, have a good one. (smiles) Shane: You too. [Shane walks off. Mark walks into the garage.] INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY [Gomey is sitting at Mark's computer, watching video in fast-forward. Mark takes off his jacket.] Gomey: Most of this stuff is just crap, man. They're not doin' nothin' but talkin'. Sometimes they eat. Mark: (irritated) What do you think, lesbians just f*ck all the time? Gomey: Obviously not, but if they don't start soon... we're not gonna... [Gomey looks closer at the monitor. It's Shane, looking in the mirror at her black eye.] Gomey: What the f*ck is this, man? [Mark walks over and pushes Gomey out of the way. He takes the mouse and starts to mess with the video.] Mark: It's none of your f*cking - why are you so f*cking nosey? God. Gomey: (disgusted) I'll tell you what it is. It's some total lez who's never gonna give you the time of day and you're rock hard for her! Jesus. I bet you just f*cking sit here all night jacking off while you watch her sleep! [Mark turns and shoves Gomey to the ground.] Mark: You shut the f*ck up! [Gomey gets up quickly.] Gomey: Great. This is just f*ckin' perfect. We've been best friends for how long? Mark: Just get out of here. [Mark sits down at the computer and runs a hand through his hair.] Gomey: And now you're gonna f*ck up this gig we've been working our asses off on for some chick? News flash, man! This girl you're crushing on is never gonna be with you! You've got a real live dick! And that disqualifies you from getting up in there! [Mark ignores him. Gomey leaves.] INT. - THE CAC - BETTE'S OFFICE - DAY [Bette sits at her desk, writing in a notebook. There's a knock at her door, then it slides open. It's Franklin and Leo.] Franklin: (smiling) Bette. Leo and I have something we're very excited about and we'd like to share with you. Leo? Leo: We just wanted to let you know that Helena Peabody is going to be joining the CAC's steering committee. [Bette looks dumbfounded.] Bette: What? Franklin: We're going to welcome her at our regular board meeting tomorrow. I'm sure you can appreciate what a coup it is for the CAC to have a Peabody on the Board of Directors. [Bette looks almost let down.] Franklin: Not to put too fine a point on it, but she's bringing Allyn Barnes with her to her first Board of Directors meeting. Bette: Allyn Barnes is coming to our board meeting? Franklin: Mm-hmm. Leo: Allyn and Peggy are old friends. She's known Helena since she was a little girl. Bette: There's a rumor that Allyn Barnes has been contemplating a career retrospective. The Modern's been after her for years. Leo: She's pretty resistant. I mean, everybody knows Allyn hates the art world. But, Helena thinks she might be ready. Now I've asked your department to put together some press clippings of the CAC so we can present it to her tomorrow. Bette: Well, I'd like to go over those materials. Franklin: This is Leo's strength, Bette. Why don't we just let him do his thing? We'll see you tomorrow at six. Hm? (to Leo) Come on. [Franklin and Leo leave. Bette sighs and reaches in her desk drawer. She pulls out a candybar and takes a couple of big bites. She frowns as she chews.] INT. - HOUSE FOR RENT #2 - DAY [The agent leads Helena and Tina through a spacious California beach house. The interior is white, with wood accents, and is sparsely furnished with modern designs. The ceilings are low and the walls are mostly made of windows.] Tina: This is more like it. Helena: Do you think? Tina: Bette saw this house in "Architectural Digest" - she said it was the quintessential California beach house. Helena: Hm. Did she, now? Agent: There are eight bedrooms all together, uh, not including the guesthouse, and there's a nanny's quarters down below. [Helena's cell phone rings. She answers.] Helena: (phone) What, Walter? (listens) Please just tell me what you have to tell me - no digressions. [The agent opens the sliding glass door to a small patio behind them. We hear the sound of the ocean, and seagulls.] Agent: Amazing view. [Tina walks over and checks out the winding stairwell that goes down a few floors.] Helena: (phone) (agitated) No, no, Walter, I do not ex - Walter, what did I charge you with? Don't tell me things I don't want to hear! That's not what I pay you for! Tina: (to agent) Do you wanna show me the kitchen? [The agent leads Tina down the long, winding staircase.] Helena: (phone) Walter, no, here's what's happening. I'm moving to Los Angeles, and I want my children here with me, so just f*cking well make it happen, and call me when it's done! [Helena disconnects the call. She walks over to the stairwell and looks down at Tina and the agent.] Helena: So? Do we like it? [Tina and the agent stop and look up.] Tina: It's spectacular. Helena: (smiling) Okay. (to agent) I'll move in tomorrow. [The agent continues down the stairwell. Tina smiles at Helena, a little floored by the snap decision.] Tina: Okay... (chuckles) INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Bette answers the front door. It's Winnie Mann, and the kids, Wilson and Jun Ying.] Winnie: Hi, I'm Winnie Mann. Thanks for seeing me. [They shake hands.] Bette: Really nice to meet you. I, uh, I didn't know that you would be bringing - Winnie: I don't have a nanny, so when the kids are with me, they are with me. I hope it's not - Bette: Oh, no, no. It's fine. It's great. [They walk in. Bette smiles down at the kids.] Bette: Do you remember me? I'm - we met in New York. [Winnie chuckles. The kids stare up at Bette.] Winnie: Don't take it personally, it takes more than one meeting. [Wilson sees a display by a lamp. It's five jars with little items in them.] Winnie: Wilson, wait, um, uh - [Wilson immediately picks up one of the jars, opens it, and crams his hand inside.] Bette: Oh, sweetie, sweetie! [Bette dashes over. And gently takes the jar and replaces the cap.] Bette: No, no, no, no, no. Oh. See, this... is a Richard Prince, and it goes right there. [Bette puts the jar back on the shelf and sighs, relaxing.] Bette: Hey, would you guys like to go swimming? Wilson: Yeah, that'd be great! Jun Ying: Yeah, can we? Winnie: Uh, well, I don't really swim, do you think you might go in with them? [Bette doesn't look like that's what she had in mind. She looks at Wilson. He nods excitedly. Bette chuckles.] Bette: Sure. INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [Alice and Dana are sitting around on the couch. Alice is writing on a notepad and Dana is watching a cooking show.] Alice: Okay. Okay, will you listen to this one? [Alice clicks the off button on the remote in Dana's hand.] Alice: Okay, so basically I'm gonna get someone from the left, someone from the right, someone from the center - local, elected officials, whatever. And then I'm gonna interview them about trends. 'Kay? So. (reading in commentator voice) "State Attorney General Wachtel, have you shopped for your new granddaughter at the new "La La Ling" baby store in Las Feliz?" So. Dana: Mm-hmm. Alice: So, I'm trying to get that intersection between culture and politics. [Dana looks lost.] Dana: I don't know. Al, it's good. It's just - it's not funny. Alice: It's not supposed to be funny. Hello? Have you listened to KCRW? Dana: Yeah, but didn't Mimi ask you personally to try out for this? Alice: So? Dana: So, she must want you to be you. Alice: No, I'm going to be a (makes air quotes) funny person on the radio. I don't know why everybody thinks I'm so funny. Dana: Because you are. Alice, you're a funny lady, and it's one of the things I love about you, and I'm not the only one. [Alice pouts and scribbles on her notepad.] Alice: I don't like you very much right now. [Dana takes her pen and notepad and sets them on the coffee table. She gets up on her knees on the couch and pulls Alice's legs around her waist.] Dana: It makes me so hot when you're angry. Alice: Oh yeah? Dana: Oh yeah. Alice: (giggling) You're totally topping me again. Dana: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you through the feathers, Pillow Queen. [Alice laughs. Dana leans back and forth, keeping Alice's legs wrapped around her.] Alice: Have you always been a top? Dana: I'm not a top. Alice: Yeah, you are. Dana: Uh-huh. Alice: Yeah, you are. [Alice pulls Dana forward.] Alice: You know what I want you to do? Dana: What? [Dana leans close. Alice whispers quietly in her ear.] Alice: (whispering) I want you to f*ck me really hard with a strap-on. [Dana leans up.] Dana: I don't know if I can do that. Alice: But you're doing it right now without even using one. [Dana grinds slowly against Alice. Alice smiles at her. They kiss.] Dana: Okay. Alice: Yeah? Dana: Twisted my arm. EXT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - POOL - NIGHT [Bette is in the pool with the kids. She twirls Jun Ying around in the water. Winnie sits on a chair at the edge.] Winnie: You know, Bette, I - I know you don't know me, but, um, I'm taking a wild stab that maybe we have some interests in common. Bette: What are you asking me to do? Winnie: I'd like you to be a character witness... against... you know who. I know she's coming on to your board of directors. Bette: Yeah, she's everywhere. Can't seem to get away from her. Winnie: That's how she deals. She colonizes. Bette: She f*ckin' plunders and pillages, that's - Winnie: Uh. (clears throat) [Bette looks at Jun Ying in her arms.] Bette: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That was bad. Winnie: Bette, we've got a court hearing in six weeks. Bette: You want me to appear in court? Winnie: Yes. Bette: Jesus, Winnie. I don't know. I mean, I'm really gonna have to think about it. It's, you know, it's not just that she's on my board of directors, but there's Tina, the... Winnie: Well, f*ck, I understand if you don't want to - Bette: No, it's not that I don't want to. Believe me, I would love nothing more than to stand up in court and say what I think of... you know who. (to Wilson) You wanna play again? Wilson: Yeah. Bette: Okay. One, two, three. [Bette tosses Wilson through the air a couple of feet. He splashes into the water.] Wilson: Ahh! Bette: Woo! INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - HALLWAY OUTSIDE SHANE'S ROOM - NIGHT [Carmen is walking down the hallway. Shane starts to step out of her room. She sees Carmen, and goes back inside. Carmen hesitates, then opens the door.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - SHANE'S ROOM - NIGHT [Shane is leaning against the door. When Carmen opens it, she backs away. Carmen enters. Shane keeps her back to her; she's wearing her sunglasses.] Carmen: Um. I - I - I just saw you out there, and it - I dunno, it looked like you were hiding. Shane: I'm not hiding. Carmen: I don't believe you. [Shane faces her, then grabs her keys nearby; Carmen grabs the keys and tosses them aside. Carmen tries to remove the sunglasses. Shane turns her head, but Carmen manages to remove them. She sees the bruises.] Carmen: Oh my God. Oh my God. Sh - [Carmen tries to touch Shane's face. Shane grabs her arm.] Carmen: Shane, who did this? Who did this to you? Shane: It doesn't matter. Carmen: No, tell me. I will f*cking kill them. Who did this to you? Shane: You did it. [Carmen is stunned.] Carmen: What? [She stares up at Shane, hurt.] Carmen: f*ck you. [Carmen opens the door. Shane pulls her back in.] Shane: Wait. Wait, wait. Look, I'm sorry. That was a fucked-up thing to say. [Shane closes the door and faces Carmen.] Carmen: Well, maybe you meant something by it. Maybe we should just talk and see what happ - Shane: No. No. No. Can we... can we just forget what I said? Let's go back to being friends. Carmen: Is that what you want? Shane: Really a lot. [They both stare at each other. Shane opens the door. As she pulls the door open, she steps closer to Carmen. Their faces come close. Shane turns away. Carmen leaves.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT [Bette and Winnie sit at the dining room table, having some water. The kids sit at the kitchen table a few feet away, eating chicken nuggets.] Winnie: I'm so angry I can barely control myself. But, then I know the more I act like that, the more this person can "F" me up. But, there I am screaming like a crazy B-I-T-C-H. Bette: That's gotta be hell. Winnie: She made my life a living hell. Bette: What were you doing with her, Winnie? Winnie: Is it so hard to understand? Look at Tina. [Bette looks down.] Winnie: You two were separated when she met? Bette: Yeah. (smiling) And now she has her completely enthralled. Winnie: Yeah. My first play had just debuted at PS 122. The Voice gave it a rave, and this person shows up and underwrites the entire run of the show. The next thing you know, I've got my own theatre company, I'm living in a five million-dollar loft in Tribeca, and... Bette: And starting a family. Winnie: Yeah. Hey, she'd never even thought about kids, but it was a dream of mine, and she's in the business of making people's dreams come true, until she co-opts and makes them her own. Wilson: Mommy, I'm finished with my chicken nuggets. Can I have some ice cream? Winnie: Uh... Bette: (to Winnie) I think I have some if it's okay. Winnie: (to Wilson) Did you and your sister finish your salad? Wilson: Yep. Winnie: Alrighty. Bette: Then you get the big prize. [Bette heads to the freezer and gets the ice cream. Winnie leans over the kitchen bar.] Winnie: Can I give you some advice about it? Bette: I could sure use some. Winnie: Drives her crazy when you don't react. So, she'll bait and bait and bait, and if you just don't take it... (winks) INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Jenny and Carmen are making out on the couch. The TV is showing the old Burr Connor movie that was being filmed at the beginning of the episode.] Cowboy #1: (TV) "We're done for now." Cowboy #2: (TV) "We'd be clear of Barker's Pass by now if you hadn't brought that uppity preacher's daughter." [Mark enters and plops down on the couch next to them.] Mark: Hey ladies. Carmen: (annoyed) Oh, hello. It's Mark. Mark: Excuse me. Is that how you greet your roommate? What are we watching? Jenny: We're watching a Burr Connors film festival. [On the TV, Burr kisses the uppity preacher's daughter.] Carmen: Yes, Miss Jenny over here is going to ghostwrite his memoirs. Jenny: (to Carmen) I'm gonna be his stenographer. Mark: No way. Do you know that I had a Burr Connor action figure doll as a child? Jenny: You did? Mark: I did, and I made him beat up my G.I. Joe on a daily basis. Jenny: Are you serious? You actually thought this guy, Burr Connor, is more - is tougher than G.I. Joe? Mark: Oh, pffpt. Look at him. Way tougher. [On the TV, Burr stands in his cowboy hat and duster, looking tough.] Jenny: This is sentimental claptrap. Mark: How could you possibly call these macho men sentimental? Jenny: Um, because it's a pretext for telling stories about, like, the purity of male friendship and devotion. I mean, Mark, okay, look at all these films. They're all f*cking the same. Mark: Chick flicks are the same! Carmen: Okay, okay, you know what? You cannot tell that theory to Burr Connors. No. (to Jenny) Kiss. Now. [Carmen grabs Jenny's face and plants a kiss on her.] Mark: Thelma and Louise Carmen: (kissing) Mwah! (to Mark) No more. Mark: Where's Shane, by the way? Carmen: Um, I - I think she, uh, went out. Mark: Where? Carmen: I dunno. Mark: To a club? Jenny: (giggling) We don't know, Mark. [They all laugh.] Carmen: Yeah. Mark: Sixteen Candles. Jenny: Dukes of Hazzard. Mark: Gone With the Wind, Funny Girl. [Carmen suddenly looks distracted. Jenny strokes her hair.] [SCENE_BREAK] INT. - CHURCH CONFESSIONAL - NIGHT [Shane sits in a confessional with a priest. She's crying.] Shane: Bless me father, for I have sinned. It's been... sixteen years... since my last confession. Priest: And what brought you here tonight? Shane: Everyone... wants something from me, and... I don't feel like I have anything left to give. Priest: What have you been giving up until now? Shane: s*x. That's mainly what people want. Actually, I... I don't even know at this point. I don't - I don't - I don't know. [Shane hangs her head and sniffs.] Priest: Do you feel you have to have s*x with everyone who wants it? Shane: In church I didn't. I used to, uh, live in a church shelter, so... Priest: When was that? Shane: I guess I was 10. And I ran away from my foster family because someone told me my real mom was back in Austin. And she used to go to that shelter when she was trying to get clean. Priest: Your mother was a drug addict? Shane: Yeah. Priest: Have you ever considered joining a church group? Shane: No. No. No, no, I don't like groups. The thing I... I like about confession is... you don't have to see the other person's face. And you don't have to see how - how hurt they are when they realize that you can't be that thing they want you to be. Priest: You might find that there are people who don't want anything from you. [Shane chuckles uneasily.] Priest: They just want to know you. Shane: Yeah, I haven't met anyone like that. Anyway, there's nothing to know. [Shane gets up and walks out.] Priest: My friend, would you just consider it? [The priest sits in the confessional while we hear Shane's bootsteps growing farther away.] INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DAY [Alice is getting out of the shower. Dana hands her a towel.] Alice: Ah, thank you. Dana: Sure. [Dana goes to the mirror.] Dana: Alice! Alice: What? (looks up) Oh. Yeah. [Alice climbs out of the shower. Dana is pointing to something on her neck. It's a love bite.] Alice: Yeah, I thought that would go away. Dana: You knew you did this to me? Alice: (smiling) Well, I wasn't doing it on purpose. You bruise easy. Dana: You're not the only one. [Dana goes to the toilet. Alice gawks at herself in the mirror. She has a love bite on her neck, too.] Alice: Oh, my god! I look like I've been beaten! (looks at Dana) I have my interview today! Dana: It's radio. Alice: I have to make an impression. Dana: And I don't. You're right. I have a photo shoot with Women's Fitness today. I'm the first out lesbian they've ever put on the cover. [Alice messes with her hair in the mirror.] Alice: Well, you'll just be saying you can be gay and a slut. [Dana pulls her pants up and smiles, and heads for the door.] Alice: Is there any more? Dana: Yeah! Alice: Where. [Dana leaves. Alice turns around and around, trying to see her back.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Jenny, Carmen, Kit, and Bette are sitting at a table. Carmen is telling a joke. Everyone is laughing.] Kit: Oh, really! [Alice and Dana walk to the table, arm in arm, both of them dressed up and also wearing neck scarves. Everyone is excited to see them and they all say hi. Alice and Dana sit.] Jenny: I haven't seen you guys in a couple days. What have you been doing? [Alice and Dana speak over each other.] Alice: Working. Dana: Training. [Dana gawps at Alice. Everybody chuckles. They don't notice when Tina walks up behind them. She pats their heads.] Tina: They've been having s*x all weekend. Alice: Hi! Dana: Hey! Tina: Hi, everyone. Kit: Hi. [Kit looks unsure of Tina's presence. Bette looks sad now. Helena walks up behind Tina.] Bette: Um, why don't you two join us? Tina: Okay... (smiles) Thank you. That's nice. [Helena and Tina go to sit. Alice and Dana look at Bette. Bette smiles and keeps her game face on.] Carmen: Hi. Hello. [Carmen and Jenny hold hands. Helena and Tina sit at the end of the table, near Bette.] Jenny: So, um... Tina was just saying that Dana and Alice are having s*x. [Alice and Dana grin and giggle, along with everyone else.] Helena: (smiling) There's nothing to be ashamed of. They'll be in good company. [Helena puts her hand on Tina's and smiles at her. Bette leans back in her seat and a little shocked, but tries to smile. She and Tina catch each other's glance for just a moment, and both quickly look away.] Alice: Yeah, we haven't, though. I've been busy and she's been busy and... Dana: Working. Kit: Oh, yeah, uh, let me see. [Kit pulls away Dana's scarf.] Dana: No... Kit: Busy! Everyone: Ohh! Carmen: Okay, let's see. [Carmen leans forward and pulls Alice's scarf away a little.] Carmen: Um, working! [Everyone giggles.] Carmen: Oh, my goodness! [Bette is grinning at the pair. She sneaks a glance at Tina. Again, they catch each other's glances, and again, they both look away quickly.] Kit: Working it, working it, uh-huh. Carmen: Let us see, let us see! Open it up. [Alice undoes her scarf.] Alice: Alright. I have... [Alice shows off the love bite. Everyone claps and laughs.] Carmen: Oh! Jenny: Oh, my god! Carmen: Oh, my god! Alice: I have my KCRW audition and I kinda don't know what to do so I was... (smiles) Helena: Look, you know... [Helena stands, untying the scarf from around her waist, and walks over to Alice.] Helena: Why don't you take this. Because passion should never cost you respect. [Helena drapes the expensive silk scarf around Alice's neck.] Alice: No that - (chuckling) Helena, I couldn't accept this. It's Hermes. Helena: It's vintage. And for having such a good eye, you get to keep it. Kit: Ohh! Carmen: Wow. [Helena walks back and sits. Alice, still smiling, politely removes the scarf. Dana is watching Bette.] Bette: You know, I think I'd better be getting to work. Helena: Well, that's a shame. Why don't you take the morning off? Bette: Well, because it's not really an option for me. Helena: Of course it is. You're having breakfast with one of your board members. And we're gonna discuss what we're gonna talk about with Allyn Barnes tonight. Kit: (mumbling to Bette) You've gotta be kidding. Bette: (to everyone) Uh, Helena has just joined the board of directors for the CAC. [Alice and Dana raise the brows. Helena beams. Tina smiles but looks a little embarrassed.] Bette: (to Helena) I'll see you at the meeting. [Bette stands to go.] Helena: Well - Bette, why don't you come over later tonight, after the meeting? (smiling at Tina) Tina and I have found a house. Tina: (smiling) Oh - no - Helena has found a house. [Bette frowns.] Helena: Well, you know what, why don't you all come over tonight, we'll have a, uh - Tina: (shrugs, smiling) Yeah. Helena: - a house warming party! [Dana's brows shoot up. Alice looks at everyone. Kit sits quietly, staring at the table.] Tina: (to Bette) You should see this house. It's amazing. It's the one on Broad Beach. The one in Architectural Digest? It's gorgeous. Bette: (smiling) Of course it is. [Bette glances at Tina, then Helena.] Bette: You know, that sounds really nice, Helena. [Helena smiles and nods.] Bette: Maybe if I'm not too tired. Helena: Good. [Bette starts to walk off.] Alice: Bye, Bette. Jenny: Bye. Bette: Bye, you guys, good luck. Alice: Thanks. [Bette leaves. Kit follows.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY [Shane stands at the counter, fixing food. Mark walks in the back door.] Mark: Hey. Shane: Hey. [Mark sits on the counter.] Mark: Did I say something to offend you? Shane: No. Look. You saved my ass. And I'm sorry if I didn't thank you adequately. So thank you. Mark: Do you know anything about, uh... about the Samurai code, Ronin? Shane: That one of those Hong Kong action flicks? Mark: No, it's a book actually. I was really into that sh1t when I was like 13, 14, got my first degree black belt in Shotoka. Shane: Lucky for me, huh? Mark: Yeah. Well, according to the Samurai code, if you save someone's ass you're forever indebted to that person. You're - it's the greatest honor and privilege you can ever achieve. Shane: Look, I - I said thank you. I don't know what else you want me to do. Mark: Not you, me. I'm indebted to you for giving me that opportunity. [Shane leans against the counter and looks at him.] Mark: No, so, it's like, basically, I'm your servant, now. Shane: (thinking) No thank you. Mark: It's just the way it's gotta be. You're stuck with me. [Mark pulls out a chair at the table.] Mark: Sit, please. [Shane grabs a bag of food and opens the fridge.] Mark: Oh, oh, oh! Allow me. [Mark takes the food from her hand, and the rest of the stuff on the counter. He puts them in the fridge. Shane stands in the middle of the room, stupefied.] Mark: (fake British accent) Will you be having a beverage, my lord? [Shane stands dumfounded.] Shane: No. EXT. - BURR CONNOR'S DRIVEWAY - DAY [Jenny pulls up to the intercom at the gate and presses the button.] Woman: (intercom) Hello? Jenny: Hi. Um, this is Jenny Schecter for Mr. Burr Connor, please? Woman: (intercom) Yes, Miss Schecter, come on in. Jenny: Thank you. [The gate opens. Jenny drives up the driveway, to a huge mansion.] INT. - BURR CONNOR'S HOUSE - DAY [Jenny and Burr sit in the parlor, talking. Burr is an attractive man in his 40s.] Jenny: It's a hard feeling to describe. But I think that I've known for a really long time, and I fought against it because I knew that my... family... wouldn't approve, but I actually think that I've always known. Burr: Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Jenny: Yeah? Burr: Mm-hmm. From the time I was a small boy, I... I always knew I wanted to be an actor. Jenny: How cool. Burr: So... like, what - what kinda writers would you say you model yourself after? Judith Krantz, Danielle Steele? Like that? [Jenny's jaw drops.] Jenny: Ew! You're kidding. I'm sorry. Burr: Looking at you, having spent a few minutes with you, um... I'm good at this. [Burr stares at Jenny for a moment.] Burr: Mary Gaitskill. Jenny: (gasps) Wow! Thank you. [Burr smiles.] Jenny: I don't know. I mean, Charlotte's pushing me really hard right now, so my style is just evolving pretty fast. Burr: Well, I won't be pushing you. Okay? I, uh... I basically just need you to correct my grammar... Jenny: Mm-hmm. Burr: And add an adjective or two here and there. Jenny: 'Kay. Have you - have you ever written anything before? Burr: No, not really. I've been tape-recording myself. Jenny: Oh, yeah? Burr: Yeah. Jenny: Oh, okay. Actually, I have this. [Jenny reaches in her bag and pulls out a micro-cassette recorder.] Burr: No. Uh. You can put that away. Jenny: Okay, then I'll put it away. [Jenny puts it back in her bag, then sits up and smiles, then goes back into her bag.] Jenny: Can I - can I just use um, my notebook? [Jenny whips out a notebook and pen.] Burr: No, go ahead. Jenny: Um, okay. I have a couple of questions for you, to begin. Burr: Mm-hmm. Jenny: Rod Sebring. It appears as though you have a very profound connection with him. Burr: Mm-hmm. Jenny: Yeah. Burr: Well, we did three pictures together. Jenny: Yeah. The scene in, uh, in Hard Man To Know, where you carry Mr. Sebring across Texas after he's been shot... it's beautiful and quite romantic. [Burr looks a little uncomfortable.] Burr: Mm-hmm. You like that movie? Jenny: I loved it! I really - I - I thought it was like - I loved it. Burr: Really? Jenny: Yeah. Burr: You don't seem like the type. Jenny: Oh, my god. I've seen all of your films. Burr: I'm sure you have, yeah. Jenny: Yep. Burr: In the last two days, right? Jenny: Yes, but (laughs)... Okay, but - but - but my girlfriend actually has seen all your films. Burr: Your girlfriend. Jenny: Yeah. When she was a little kid, she and her step-dad used to go to all your films so now she can recite all your dialogue. Burr: So she's a tomboy? Jenny: (thinking) Gosh, I've never thought of her like that. I think she's just beautiful. Burr: Well... (standing) Miss Schecter, thank you so much for coming on over. And I'll be in touch with you to let you know if I'll be needing your help. Jenny: Oh. Okay. Burr: Okay. [Jenny puts her notebook in her bag and stands.] Jenny: Um, are you firing me, um... because I'm gay? Burr: Well, I wasn't aware that I'd actually hired you. But I do prefer to have certain things flaunted in my face. [Jenny walks out.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [Kit is taking stock behind the bar. Alice sits on a barstool, typing on her laptop.] Alice: My big catch-phrase-ending could be, um, "Go ask Alice 'cause she knows what's goin' on!" Like... (looks at Kit) Kit: No, that's good. That's good. Kit: Um, look, I'm gonna go talk to my new chef. Alice: What? Kit: Yeah! Alice: You got a new chef, that's so cool. Kit: Girl, I stole her from A.O.C. She was training under Suzanne Goins. Alice: Maybe I should write about that. I mean, it - it's gotta be better than what I have. Kit: No, no, yours is really good, Alice! I mean, you just gotta (lowers voice) relax... (raises voice) (smiling) and breathe. Alice: Benjamin. Right. Kit: You bet. Alice: Yeah. Kit: Okay? Alice: Yeah. [Kit walks away. Alice stares at her laptop screen.] Alice: (sighs) (mumbling) This is Alice Pieszecki reminding you to relax and breathe. Relax and... [Gabby Devaux enters, sees Alice, and walks over.] Alice: (mumbling) Reminding you to relax and breathe. Gabby: Alice. [Alice looks up.] Alice: (shocked) Gabby! Gabby: (smiling) I thought you'd have a more interesting demise than muttering to yourself at The Planet. Alice: Yeah - wow. [Gabby smiles and opens her arms.] Gabby: Gimme a hug. Alice: Oh. 'Kay. Oh. Gabby: Hi! Alice: Hi. Gabby: You look good. Alice: Thanks. What's wrong with you? Gabby: Mm, nothing except that I'm in love. [Alice raises her brows.] Gabby: Yeah. Gabby Devaux in love. Alice: (surprised) Wow. Gabby: How are you? What's going on with you? Alice: Um - I'm in love too! Gabby: (smiles) Aw. Alice: Yeah. You can't tell? Um, maybe I'm not showing it or something - I'm very private, so. Gabby: Alice "tell me all your secrets and I'll sell them to the Daily Planet" Pieszecki? [Alice smiles.] Gabby: So, who is tDS
Plan: A: her latest journalism assignment; Q: What is Alice trying to catch up on when she accidentally runs into her ex-lover Gabby? A: her ex-lover Gabby; Q: Who does Alice accidentally run into when she tries to catch up on her latest journalism assignment? A: Dana; Q: Who's ex-girlfriend is Lara? A: Lara; Q: Who is Gabby dating? A: Bette; Q: Who does Winnie want to recruit to help her win custody of her kids? A: Tina; Q: Who goes house-hunting with Helena? A: an agreement; Q: What do Bette and Tina try to reach over their relationship? A: the CAC's board; Q: Helena joins what board of directors? A: Winnie; Q: Who wants Bette to help her win custody of her kids? A: her custody battle; Q: What does Winnie want Bette to help her win? A: Winnie and Helena's kids; Q: Who does Winnie want Bette to help her win custody of? A: Jenny; Q: Who is worried about losing a job because of her lesbianism? A: a TV star; Q: Who is Burr Connor? A: Burr Connor's; Q: Whose autobiography is Jenny ghost-writing? A: her lesbianism; Q: What did Jenny let slip about her in her autobiography? A: a sleazy producer; Q: Who does Mark and Gomey meet with for their lesbian reality video? A: Shane; Q: Who finds comfort in a church over her recent emotional setbacks? A: a church; Q: Where does Shane find comfort? Summary: When Alice tries to catch up on her latest journalism assignment, she accidentally runs into her ex-lover Gabby and is more surprised to find out that Gabby is now dating Dana's ex-girlfriend, Lara. Bette and Tina try to reach an agreement over their relationship, as Tina goes house-hunting with Helena who comes on board the CAC's board of directors. Bette meets Winnie who wants to recruit Bette over helping her win her custody battle over Winnie and Helena's kids. Jenny is worried that she may have lost the job of ghost-writing a TV star named Burr Connor's autobiography because she lets it slip out about her lesbianism. Mark and his pal, Gomey, meet with a sleazy producer for their lesbian reality video, while Shane finds some comfort in a church over her recent emotional setbacks.
-[Fairy Tale World]- (In the forest, Red and Prince Charming have set up a rest spot. A flaming arrow shoots through the air, heading towards Red.) Prince Charming: Red, look out! (Prince Charming deflects the arrow with his sword. They then see King George and his men riding towards them.) Prince Charming: We need to move. They found us. (The two of them run towards Prince Charming's horse. He gets on, and then extends his hand to her. However, she refuses.) Red: Go. I'll take care of them. Prince Charming: Red, I'm not leaving you. Red: Find Snow. That's all that matters. Find her! Prince Charming: What are you going to do? (Red looks up and sees that it's a full moon.) Red: I'm giving you a head start. (Prince Charming rides off while Red stays behind. Red takes off her cloak, causing her eyes to glow yellow. She rushes towards the knights and transforms into a wolf.) -[Real World]- (Emma is taking Mary Margaret's mugshot at the station.) Emma: Please turn to the right. MMB: Emma, this is a mistake. I didn't kill Kathryn. Emma: Of course you didn't. But, while I am your friend, I am also the Sheriff. And I have to go where the evidence leads. MMB: Which points to me? Emma, yesterday it was David. There's something not right here. Emma: I know. But, your fingerprints were on that box, and his are not. So, now we have to deal with this. MMB: Evidence that says I cut out Kathryn's heart...and buried it in the woods. This is insane. Emma: If I don't book you, with all this evidence, it's going to look like favouritism. And then, Regina will have cause and she will fire me. And then, you know what she'll do? She'll bring in someone who will railroad you. So, please - just try to be patient and trust me. We can't even move forward till we verify the heart belonged to Kathryn. And I am still waiting for the DNA test results. But, in the meantime, you need to bear with me. I have to ask you a few questions. MMB: This is crazy. I would never hurt anyone. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White hums a song while she sweeps her room at the dwarf's place. A bluebird flies in. She coaxes the bird over to her, then sets it on a table. She then aggressively tries to swat it with the broom. Grumpy walks in and sees her.) Grumpy: Snow? What are you... What are you doing? Snow White: Getting rid of the vermin in this house. (She again tries to swat the bird and, eventually, successfully drives it out the window.) Snow White: What do you want? Grumpy: It's dinner time. Snow White: I'm not hungry. Grumpy: Come on - we made something extra special tonight. (Grumpy leads Snow White to the dining area where the other dwarves are gathered around the table.) Snow White: Somebody die? (Jiminy Cricket flies in.) Jiminy: Snow, why don't you have a seat? Snow White: Why is there a dirty cricket in here? Jiminy: My name is Jiminy, and your friends have asked me to be here tonight. They're concerned about you, and they have something they'd like to say. Grumpy, why don't you start? (Grumpy takes out a piece of paper and starts reading.) Grumpy: Snow White, you've changed. You've become angry, irritable, and downright mean. Snow White: Changed? And who are you to tell me I've changed? Jiminy: Snow, please. These are your friends. And we're all here because we... We care about you. Who wants to go next? (Sneezy takes out his letter and starts to read.) Sneezy: Uh. You brought bales of straw into the house last night, even though you know that I'm... (He sneezes.) Sneezy: Allergic. Snow White: You are allergic to everything. Happy: You broke my mug! Snow White: You're lucky it wasn't that mug you call a face! Happy: You are the worst, most nasty, horrible- Grumpy: Enough! Look what you're doing to Happy. That potion you took - the one that erased the Prince from your mind? You haven't been the same since you drank it. Snow White: That, helped me forget whatever, or whomever, I needed to forget. And I am clearly better off for it. That potion was the solution, not the problem. The problem is, that I'm living here in a house full of dwarves instead of in my palace, with my father, as a princess. But I can't do that anymore, can I? Because he was murdered. Murdered, by the same woman who sent a Huntsman to kill me. Jiminy: Snow, your anger towards the Queen is understandable. It's just not fair to take it out on your friends. Snow White: You're right - I should be taking it out on her. Jiminy: Oh, wait. Revenge is not the answer. No, it's going to change you. It'll turn you into something darker than you can imagine. You don't want to go there- (Snow White puts a glass container over Jiminy to silence him.) Snow White: Good news, fellas - you can quit your complaining, because I'm leaving. I have more important things to do. Jiminy: Wait! Don't go! Grumpy: Snow. Wait. Where are you going? Snow White: To kill the Queen. (Snow White leaves, taking a bag and a pick axe with her.) -[Real World]- (At the station, Emma leads Mary Margaret into an interrogation room. Regina is already there.) Regina: Hello, Miss Blanchard. MMB: What is she doing here? Emma: She asked to be here as a third party to make sure that I stay impartial. It can only help you. MMB: I have nothing to hide. Ask me anything. (Emma turns on the tape recorder.) Emma: The heart was found buried near the old Toll Bridge. It had been cut out by what appears to be a hunting knife. Have you ever been to that bridge before? MMB: Yes, many times. It's where David and I liked to meet. Emma: Mr. Nolan. MMB: Yes. Emma: And, you met there... For what purpose? MMB: We were having an affair. I'm not proud of what happened, and I'm sorry. But that doesn't change the fact that I did not kill Kathryn. (Emma takes the jewelry box out of a cabinet and places it on the table in front of Mary Margaret.) Emma: Have you ever seen this before? MMB: Yes, it's my jewelry box. Emma: That's what we found the heart in. MMB: Don't you see what's happening here? Someone stole that box and put the heart in it. I didn't have anything to do with it. I'm innocent! Regina: Miss Blanchard, it's okay. I know what you're going through. I know what it's like to lose someone you love. To be publicly humiliated. It put me in a very dark place. Changed me. I can only imagine what losing David Nolan did to you. MMB: But, I haven't changed. I'm still the same person I've always been - a good person. I did not do this. Emma: Can I speak to you in the hallway, please? (Emma and Regina go out into the hall to talk.) Emma: I told you to leave the questioning to me. Regina: How do you know she didn't do it? If that box was stolen from her as she claims, don't you think there'd be signs of a break in? Well, you're her roommate - tell me. Has there been a break in? She is a woman who's had her heart broken, and that... That can make you do unspeakable things. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White hides behind a tree in the forest, as a knight on a horse rides closer. When he gets close enough, she clotheslines him and he falls to the ground. Using the blunt end of the pick axe, she crushes the knight's ankle.) Snow White: It'll heal. Eventually. Knight: What do you want? Snow White: Information. Where's the Queen? Knight: And why would I tell you? Snow White: Do you know what a diamond is? It's the strongest substance known to man or beast. Beautiful, precious, nearly impervious to destruction. Nearly. This... This is an axe from the Dwarf Mines. It's a special blade. It can, believe it or not, actually cut a diamond. Imagine what it can do to human flesh. Soft, pliable, tender flesh... (Snow White raises the axe, but stops when the knight starts to speak.) Knight: She's at her castle, but only for the night. In the morning, she leaves for the summer palace. Please! That's all I know. Snow White: That summer palace was built for my mother. (She hits the knight in the head with the handle of the pick axe, which knocks him out. She steals his armor and goes to leave, but is stopped by a voice. It turns out to be Grumpy.) Grumpy: What do you think you're doing? Snow White: I already told you. I'm going to kill the Queen. Grumpy: By stealing the armor off a knight? Snow White: Whatever I have to do to get into that castle. So, get out of my way. I have to get there before she departs. Grumpy: Have you lost your mind? You really think this disguise is going to fool anybody? Snow White: I'm getting in there. Grumpy: Listen to yourself! All you care about is revenge. You can't even see reality anymore. Snow White: What I don't need, is to be lectured by a dwarf with a bad attitude. Grumpy: I didn't come here to lecture you. I came here to help you. Snow White: Help me? How? Grumpy: By taking you back to Rumpelstiltskin. He's the one who gave you the potion in the first place - the one that took away all your memories of your Prince. If anyone can give them back to you, it's him. Snow White: I don't want my memories back. That's why I took the potion. Grumpy: And it changed you. Maybe he can at least bring you back to the person you used to be. He's the most powerful man in the world. He can do anything. Snow White: Anything? -[Real World]- (Emma, due to speaking with Regina, goes to investigate Mary Margaret's apartment. She checks the locks of the door and windows. Henry enters.) Emma: Henry. What are you doing here? Why aren't you in school? Henry: We have to help Miss Blanchard. Emma: I am helping her. That's why I'm searching the apartment. But you got to go home. Henry: Not going to happen. Emma: Just stay out of the way. Henry: So, what are we looking for? Emma: I'm trying to see if maybe, someone broke in. Looking for busted door jambs, broken glass, muddy boot prints. That kind of thing. Henry: So, you think someone's setting her up. Emma: It's the only thing that makes sense. The only problem is, nobody's got a motive. Henry: My mom does. Emma: Regina? Henry: She hates Snow White. Hey, you wanted a motive. Emma: Well, I don't think 'she hates Snow White' will hold up in a court, Henry. (Emma and Henry look around Mary Margaret's room. After looking at the pictures on Mary Margaret's desk, Emma flops down on the bed. Suddenly, the heat noisily turns on. Searching for the source of the noise, Emma looks to the floor and sees a heating vent. She takes off the grate of the vent and sticks her hand in.) Henry: Did you find something? (Emma pulls out a hunting knife wrapped in a cloth.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry is drinking a hot chocolate at Granny's Diner. August enters and sits next to Henry at the counter.) August: I don't think that hot chocolate's going to drink itself. You're upset about your teacher, aren't ya? Henry: She didn't do it. Why can't anyone see that? August: Because most people just see what's right in front of them. And I don't think you're going to find the answers you want at the bottom of that mug. Henry: Then where? August: That a book in your bag? You know I'm a writer. So, I'm partial to finding my answers in the literary form. Henry: It's just a book. August: Is it? Henry: Yeah. August: I think we both know that that's not the case. Can I get a water, please? Henry: What do you know about it? August: I know it's a book of stories. Henry: Aren't all books? August: Stories...that really happened. Henry: You think my book is real? August: As real as I am. Henry: How do you know? August: Well, let's just say that, uh, I'm a believer. And I want to help others see the light. That, my friend, is why I'm here. Henry: But I already believe. August: Oh, I'm not here for you, buddy. I'm here for Emma. Henry: So, you want to get her to believe? Why don't you just tell her? August: Well, there are some people - like you and me - we can go on faith. But others - like Emma - they need proof. Henry: Last time I tried to find proof, I got trapped in a sinkhole. August: There are less dangerous places to look. (August taps Henry's book.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (In the forest, Prince Charming gets off his horse to check the tracks in the snow. He draws his sword and follows them, eventually coming to the naked knight that Snow White attacked earlier.) Prince Charming: Put your hands where I can see them. (The knight turns around, only covered by the helmet he's holding.) Prince Charming: Uh, on second thought, don't. (Prince Charming throws him a blanket.) Prince Charming: Who did this? Knight: She's crazy. She had a pick axe. She threatened to skin me. Prince Charming: The Evil Queen? Knight: No. Snow White. Prince Charming: What? Knight: She said she wanted to kill the Queen. I've never seen someone so bloodthirsty. Prince Charming: No. Snow is not bloodthirsty. She is not a killer. I know her. Knight: Maybe you don't. -[Real World]- (Regina is peeling an apple in her office, when David knocks at the door and lets himself in.) David: Hey. Can I talk to you? Regina: Of course. David: These accusations against Mary Margaret - they've been gnawing away at me. She didn't do this. Regina: I understand what you're going through. It's painful when someone we care about betrays us. David: She's a good person. I know her. Regina: Maybe you don't. Maybe, you just want to. Everyone has a dark side, David. David: Yeah, sure, but having a dark side and doing something so evil - that's a different thing. That's not what she is. Regina: Perhaps. I always believe that evil isn't born - it's made. David: All due respect, Regina, I don't think you know much about evil. Regina: Well, if she didn't do it, then who did? David: I don't know. That's what I've been trying to figure out. But those blackouts I've been having - they've made everything so hazy. Regina: Please, tell me you're not accusing yourself. David: You know, maybe if I could clear up my missing time, I could prove Mary Margaret's innocence. Regina: You're very sweet, David. But you're also wrong. Evil doesn't always look evil. Sometimes it's staring right at us, and we don't even realize it. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the station, Emma is with Mary Margaret, who is locked in a cell.) MMB: The heating vent? Emma, I don't even know where the heating vent in my bedroom is. Emma: Well, someone did, and they put a hunting knife in there. I checked for signs of a break in, but there weren't any. MMB: You don't believe me. Emma: Of course I do. But what I think doesn't matter. The evidence is piling up by the hour. MMB: Okay, what are you saying? Emma: I'm saying, you should think about hiring a lawyer. (Mr. Gold enters.) Mr. Gold: An excellent idea. Emma: Mr. Gold. What are you doing here? Mr. Gold: Offering my legal services. Emma: You're a lawyer? Mr. Gold: Ever wondered why I was so adept at contracts? I've been following the details of your case, Miss Blanchard. And I think you'd be well-advised to bring me on as your counsel. MMB: And why is that? Mr. Gold: Well, because the Sheriff had me arrested for nearly beating a man to death, and I managed to persuade the judge to drop the charges. Emma: Asserting your influence isn't what's needed here. We need to find the truth. Mr. Gold: Exerting influence may be exactly what's needed here. Emma: What's needed here, is for me to do my job. Mr. Gold: Well, no one's stopping you. I'm only here to help. MMB: Enough. Please go. Emma: You heard her. MMB: No, I was talking to you. Oh, Emma, he's right. I need help. And you need to do your job, or else I'm screwed. So, just please - do your job the best you can, and you'll prove me innocent. Until you do, I need some practical help. Mr. Gold: Trust me. This is in Miss Blanchard's best interests. Emma: Good luck, Mary Margaret. I hope your best interests are what he's looking out for. (Emma leaves the two of them alone.) MMB: I can't pay you. Mr. Gold: I didn't ask for money. MMB: Then why are you doing this? Mr. Gold: Let's just say, I'm invested in your future. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Rumpelstiltskin is spinning straw in his tower. Grumpy and Snow walk in.) Grumpy: The potion you gave Snow - it changed her. She's not the same. Rumpelstiltskin: Well, of course it changed her. It took away her love, left a big hole in her heart. There is no cure for what she's got. The person she was... There's no way to bring her back. No potion can bring back true love. (Rumpelstiltskin opens a cabinet containing several rows of labeled potions. There is a missing potion above the heart label.) Rumpelstiltskin: Love, is the most powerful magic of all. The only magic I haven't been able to bottle. If you can bottle love, you can do anything. But you don't care about that, do you? Now, what is it you really want? Snow White: I want your help to kill the Queen. Rumpelstiltskin: Now we're talking, dearie. Grumpy: Snow, don't. (Rumpelstiltskin takes a string and a piece of wood and fashions a bow.) Snow White: Now, what is this? Rumpelstiltskin: This...is how you kill the Queen. Snow White: How will that help me get into the castle? Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, no. That's impossible. You have to kill her when she's on the move. When she's on her way to the summer palace. Fire the arrow from this spot here, and you'll be hidden from sight. An arrow fired from this bow will get you exactly what you need. It always finds its target. Grumpy: I can't stand by. If you take that weapon, you do it alone. (Snow White takes the bow and arrow from Rumpelstiltskin.) Snow White: That was always my plan. So, what do I have to do in return? Rumpelstiltskin: Do? You don't have to do anything, dearie. Snow White: Everything comes with a price with you. Last time you took a strand of my hair. What's in it for you this time? Rumpelstiltskin: Let's just say, I'm invested in your future. -[Real World]- (David knocks on the door of Archie's office. Archie answers the door.) Archie: David. What can I do for you? David: Dr. Hopper, I need your help. Archie: Okay. What... What is it? David: I've been having these blackouts... And I need to remember what happened during them. Archie: Why? David: I think I might know something that can help Mary Margaret. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Prince Charming barges through the front doors of Rumpelstiltskin's estate.) Prince Charming: Rumpelstiltskin! Show yourself. (Rumpelstiltskin appears behind him.) Rumpelstiltskin: Still dressing like a prince, I see. Even though you ran away from the life I gave you. How's that for gratitude? Prince Charming: You gave me a prison sentence. Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah, one that you've now skirted. Careful, dearie - King George is a vengeful man. Prince Charming: I'm here about Snow. Rumour has it, she's after the Queen and she came to you for help. Rumpelstiltskin: Yes, indeed. Prince Charming: What did you do to her? (He draws his sword.) Rumpelstiltskin: What did I do to her? You mean, what did you do to her. You caused her pain. Without that pain, she would never have drank my potion to forget about you. That's what changed her. Prince Charming: Undo the potion. All magic can be broken. Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, yes. With twoo wuv. Prince Charming: So, that's it then? True love's kiss will awaken her? Rumpelstiltskin: Most certainly. But, it's going to be hard to kiss her when you don't know where she is. (Rumpelstiltskin swats Prince Charming's sword and starts to walk away.) Prince Charming: Name your price. Rumpelstiltskin: How about...your cloak? Prince Charming: My cloak? Why would you want my cloak? Rumpelstiltskin: It's drafty in here. (Prince Charming takes off his cloak and places it on the table.) Prince Charming: Where is she? Rumpelstiltskin: On her way to the Queen's Highway. (He magically produces a map.) Rumpelstiltskin: This is the route she's taking, but you better be quick. Because, if she kills the Queen, she becomes as evil as the woman whose life she takes. Prince Charming: She could never become that evil. Rumpelstiltskin: Evil isn't born, dearie - it's made. If Snow starts down that road, you'll never get her back. [SCENE_BREAK] (Snow White is preparing herself at the spot that Rumpelstiltskin specified. Suddenly, Prince Charming ambushes her from behind.) Snow White: Get your hands off me! Prince Charming: Snow. Snow White: Who are you? What are you doing? Prince Charming: I'm helping you remember. (He kisses her.) Prince Charming: I told you - I will always find you. (Snow White punches him in the head, causing him to fall unconscious.) -[Real World]- (Emma walks up the stairs in the building of Mary Margaret's apartment, where she finds Henry sitting on a step.) Henry: I have proof. (He holds up the ring of skeleton keys.) Henry: This is how my mom got into your apartment. This is how she framed Miss Blanchard. Emma: Did you steal these from her office? Henry: Yeah. The book said they could open any door. Emma: There's no way they'll even fit in the lock. Henry: We have to try. (Henry tries to open the door with multiple keys, but is unsuccessful.) Emma: See? What did I tell you? Come on, Henry. I know you want to think the answer to everything is in Operation Cobra- Henry: It is! Emma: But, sometimes the real world needs to come first. Henry: Just try one more. Please. Emma: Okay, one more. But then we're done. Henry: You do it. This one. Emma: Okay. (Emma takes the keys from Henry and tries the key he picked out. The door unlocks.) Henry: Do you believe now? -[Fairy Tale World]- (Prince Charming comes around while Snow White watches him.) Prince Charming: Sn- (He realizes that he is tied to a tree.) Snow White: I assume you're the man Rumpelstiltskin helped me forget. What's your name again? Prince Charming: It's me - Charming. Snow White: Charming? Beginning to see why I drank that potion. Prince Charming: This doesn't make any sense. True love's kiss should've restored your memories. Snow White: It's not true love...because I don't love you. Prince Charming: Yes, you do. You just don't remember. You love me, and I love you. Snow White: Words, words, words. That's all that love is. And, unfortunately for you, words don't mean anything to me. You know what does mean something to me? Taking action. And that's exactly what I'm going to go do. Prince Charming: Snow! Snow, listen to me! You can't do this. It's not who you want to be. You can't kill her. Snow White: Really? Watch me. (She starts to head back into the forest.) Prince Charming: Don't do it! Snow! Snow! -[Real World]- (In Archie's office, David is lying on the couch in a hypnotic state.) Archie: Now, David, listen very closely. Can you hear me? David: Yes. Archie: Good. Okay, I want you to go back in your memory. Back to the last time you and Kathryn spoke. The last thing you remember. Tell me - where are you? David: In my bedroom. Archie: When? David: The night she left. Archie: And what were you doing? David: I called her on her cell. Archie: And what did you talk about? David: She said she realized she needed to start a new life. Without me. She thought Mary Margaret and I should be together. Archie: And how did that conversation end? David: She said she was hurt... But she wanted me to be happy. Archie: And do you remember anything after that? David: Yes. I saw Mary Margaret in the woods. Archie: And what was she doing there? (David has a flashback to his meeting with Snow White in Fairy Tale World. Specifically, he thinks he remembers trying to stop Mary Margaret from killing 'her'. Archie pulls David out of hypnosis.) Archie: David. David! David: What happened? Archie: I had to wake you up. You went too deep into hypnosis. Something was disturbing you. What did you see? David: It was... Archie: What? Tell me, David. I can help you. David. David, tell me. What did you see? I can help you. David: No, you can't. (David rushes out of Archie's office.) Archie: David! -[Fairy Tale World]- (Prince Charming, who is still tied to a tree, struggles against his bindings. Jiminy flies to him.) Prince Charming: Go on. Get out of here. Jiminy: You must be James. Prince Charming: You can talk? Jiminy: Yeah, and you can listen. Name's Jiminy. When Snow began acting differently, her friends, the dwarves, asked me to intervene. But I'm... I'm afraid I wasn't much help. Prince Charming: I didn't do any better. Can you get me out of here? I have to stop her. Jiminy: Well, I'll try. (Jiminy begins to chew on the ropes.) Jiminy: What's your plan? Prince Charming: I don't know. I tried everything to make her remember who I am, but nothing worked. Jiminy: Give that a try. (Prince Charming pulls on the ropes again and finally breaks them.) Jiminy: Hm. It sounds like you're approaching this the wrong way. How can she remember who you are when she's lost sight of who she is? [SCENE_BREAK] (Accompanied by her knights, the Evil Queen rides on horseback through a road in the forest. She rides past rows of peasants, who are watching from the side.) Knight: Clear the road! Bow your heads before the Queen! (On top of a small cliff and hidden by the trees, Snow White follows the Evil Queen and her entourage from a distance. When she gets to the spot that Rumpelstiltskin specified, she takes aim. She shoots the arrow, but Prince Charming jumps in the way and is struck in the shoulder.) Snow White: What do you think you're doing? Why would you do this? Prince Charming: Well, because... You said you appreciate... Action more than words. So, now... You're going to get both. I love you, Snow. Snow White: But, I don't love you. I don't even remember you. Prince Charming: Well, I don't care. The only thing I care about is that you don't forget who you really are. I would rather die than let you fill your heart with darkness. Snow White: You would really die for me? Prince Charming: Does it look like I'm making this up? Snow White: No one's ever done anything like this for me before. No one's ever been willing to die for me. Prince Charming: No one you can remember. (They kiss.) Snow White: Charming... Prince Charming: Yes. It's me. (They kiss several more times, but are interrupted by the sound of King George's men approaching.) Prince Charming: King George's army. (Prince Charming covers Snow White's face with her hood. Several knights grab Prince Charming, while several others grab Snow White.) Snow White: No! Knight: Prince James. (The knight pulls the arrow out of Prince Charming's shoulder. He cringes in pain.) Knight: Leave the girl. We have who we came for. (The knights drop Snow White and drag Prince Charming to a horse drawn cell.) Prince Charming: No! Snow White: James! (One of the knights draws his sword and raises it above Snow White.) Prince Charming: No! Knight: Enough! (King George's men head off through the forest with Prince Charming in tow.) Prince Charming: Snow... Snow! Snow White: James! Prince Charming: Snow! Snow White: I will find you! I will always find you. -[Real World]- (Mary Margaret is lying on the bed in her cell, when David enters.) David: Mary Margaret. MMB: David. David: Emma said we could have a few minutes alone. I wanted to tell you, that Dr. Hopper helped me remember what happened during my blackouts. MMB: And? David: Uh, I... I only, um, got pieces of the memory, but... We were in the woods, and I kept saying, 'don't do it'. MMB: Don't do what? David: Don't kill her. That's what I kept saying. MMB: Kathryn? You think you remember me wanting to kill Kathryn? David: Can you explain why I have that memory? MMB: David? Are you asking me if I had something to do with Kathryn's murder? David: The Sheriff found a heart in our spot. It was in your jewelry box. The weapon was found in your apartment. And I have these... These memories. So, yes, I'm asking. MMB: When your phone records came back, when I found you wandering in the woods, when everyone thought you killed Kathryn, I stood by you. I never once doubted you. And, now that everything is pointing to me, you actually think I am capable of that kind of evil? Get. Out. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White arrives back at the dwarves' home. When she enters, they are all eating dinner at the table. She takes a stein out of her bag and places it on the table.) Grumpy: What's this? Snow White: An apology. Grumpy: We don't care about mugs. Snow White: It's the only thing I broke that I could replace. I'm sorry. All I can say is... I'm sorry. Grumpy: ...It's you. Snow White: It's me. (The dwarves and Snow White group hug.) Happy: You can have your old room, if you like. Snow White: Thank you. I can't stay. Grumpy: Where are you going? Snow White: King George took James. I have to get him back. Grumpy: No, Snow, you can't do it. Snow White: I can't let the King just kill him. He came back for me. It doesn't matter what happens to me now. I have to try. Dwarf: That's not what I meant. What I meant was, you can't do it alone. But, luckily, you won't have to. Let's show that King what Snow White and seven dwarves can really do! -[Real World]- (Still in her cell, Mary Margaret makes her bed. When she tucks in the sheets, something falls out and clinks on the ground. The object turns out to be one of Regina's skeleton keys. Mary Margaret tries the key in her cell door, and ends up being able to open it. When she hears Emma return, she quickly removes the key and shuts the door. Emma enters with a bag of food.) Emma: Hey. Breakfast. MMB: Thanks. Emma: I know Mr. Gold doesn't want us to talk, but I thought you should hear this from me. The test results came back on the heart... And the DNA was a match for Kathryn. She's dead. I'm sorry - for a lot of things. But, now that we have proof of the death, we have enough evidence to move forward with a case against you. It's going to happen. You know I do believe you, right? MMB: Yeah. Emma: All this evidence tells me one thing for certain - that you are being framed. And I think Regina's behind it. MMB: Then why am I still in here? Why don't you confront her? Emma: Because, belief is not proof. MMB: But you just said- Emma: If I don't do this right, things will end up worse for you. Every time I've gone up against Regina, she's seen it coming, and I've lost. MMB: So, what makes this time any different? Emma: Because she doesn't know I suspect anything. MMB: Why would she do this to me? Emma: I don't know, but I'm going to find out. And I promise, I won't stop until I expose what she's up to. MMB: And how are you going to do that? This is her town. Emma: I'm working on it. I have faith in you. And now, I need you to have faith in me. (Emma grabs Mary Margaret's hand on the bar.) Emma: Can you do that? MMB: Of course. (Emma leaves. Mary Margaret looks down at the key in her hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr. Gold is in the back room of his pawn shop. Emma enters.) Emma: Mr. Gold. Mr. Gold: Just taking inventory. What can I do for you, Miss Swan? Any developments in the case I should be aware of? Emma: Yes. Regina set her up. Mr. Gold: And this surprises you? Show me your evidence, and we'll get this over with immediately. Emma: Yeah, that's the thing. There isn't any. Anything that's court-worthy. But I know it now. Mr. Gold: Look who's suddenly become a woman of faith. Why are you here, Miss Swan? To spin conspiracy theories? Emma: I need help. Mr. Gold: From me? Emma: Every time I've gone up against Regina, I've lost. Except for once, when I became Sheriff. When you helped. Mr. Gold: As I recall, you don't exactly approve of my methods. Emma: I approve of your results. And this time, I have something more important than a job. I need to save my friend. Mr. Gold: And you're willing to go as far as it takes? Emma: Farther. Mr. Gold: Now we're talking. Fear not, Miss Swan. Regina may be powerful, but something tells me you're more powerful than you know. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Rumpelstiltskin is looking through the fur on Prince Charming's cloak with a magnifying glass. He finds what appears to be a human hair and picks it up with tweezers. He drops the hair in a vial that already contains a strand of Snow White's hair. The two hairs begin to glow and then wrap around each other, forming a double helix. Rumpelstiltskin places the vial in his cabinet above the heart label.) -[Real World]- (At the station, Mary Margaret's cell is empty and the door is unlocked.) -[End]-
Plan: A: Kathryn's suspected murder; Q: What does Emma arrest Mary Margaret for? A: the investigation; Q: What turns into something infinitely more sinister? A: David; Q: Who questions everything and everyone he thought he could trust? A: Gold convinces; Q: Who convinces Mary Margaret to accept his legal services? A: Prince Charming's; Q: Whose search for Snow White continues to be revealed? A: Prince Charming's search; Q: What is the name of the quest to find Snow White? A: the Evil Queen; Q: Who is Snow White trying to prevent from killing? Summary: Emma arrests Mary Margaret for Kathryn's suspected murder after the investigation turns into something infinitely more sinister; David questions everything and everyone he thought he could trust; and Gold convinces Mary Margaret to accept his legal services while the events surrounding Prince Charming's search for Snow White continue to be revealed along with his quest to prevent her from assassinating the Evil Queen.
"Pilot" [SCENE_BREAK] [Opening scene has a well dressed woman rushing toward an arrivals board in a busy airport] Angela: I'm late... [Looking up at a malfunctioning arrivals board] Angela: This board is broken. The arrivals board is not working. Uh, did anybody meet the flight from Guatemala? Aviateca airlines? What gate? Yeah, right. I'm late. [Stepping up to a customer service desk] Angela: Excuse me, uh, you have a computer glitch at the arrivals board. [Customer service agent ignores her] Angela: Hello! Sir, excuse me, yoo-hoo... [Customer service guy holds up a finger to silence her] Angela: Great. [She rips open her shirt revealing a lacy bustier, getting young guy's attention] Angela: Yeah. Hi. The flight from Guatemala? [Off Angela to Brennan] Temp: Tell me you tried 'excuse me' first. Angela: Sweeeeetie. Yes, I did. [Hugging Temp] Welcome home. Are you exhausted? Was Guatemala awful? Was it horribly backward? Temp: And yet I was never reduced to flashing my boobs for information. Angela: Flash them for any fun reasons? Temp: I was literally neck deep in a mass grave, not romantic. Angela: You know, diving in a pit of cadavers is no way to handle a messy break up. Temp: Angela, nothing Pete and I ever did was messy. Angela: [Laughing] Then you were not doing the right things. [Brennan suddenly turns, dropping her bag, to confront a man dressed in a suit who has been following the two ladies as they walked through the airport] Temp: Sir, why are you following us? [The unknown man reaches out to take Brennan's arm. Moving quickly, Brennan subdues the man with some strategic kicks and punches] Angela: Attack! Security! Hello!?! Who runs this airport? [Angela joins in to the fight by hitting the man with her purse] Kick his ass sweetie! Police Officer: Police! Mam, step back now! Temp: He attacked me!?! Guy: I'm Homeland Security! Angela: Oh, little misunderstanding here. Temp: [Hands in the air] You can put away your guns. Guy: What is she in charge now? No. I'll tell you when you can lower your weapons. [To Brennan] Hand over the bag. Temp: [Reaching down to retrieve the bag] Is that what this is about? [Homeland Security agent opens the bag to reveal a skull] Temp: Boo. [Cut to profile view of the skull, fade to Brennan sitting at a table] Temp: I am Doctor Temperance Brennan. I've been in Guatemala for two months identifying victims of genocide including him. [Gesturing to the skull] Agent: Most people in this situation, what they do is, they sweat it. Temp: Guatemala, genocide? How are you scary after that? Agent: You know who doesn't sweat it? [Cut to female agent who is also in the room] Agent 2: Sociopaths. Temp: I am not a sociopath, I'm an anthropologist at the Jeffersonian. Agent: Who works for the FBI. Which I'd maybe believe if you had an ID that did more than allowed you access to the cafeteria. [Behind Brennan, another man in a suit enters the room carrying a book] Agent: You were illegally transporting human remains mam and you assaulted a Homeland Security agent. Temp: Look, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of your friends but, next time you should identify yourself before attacking me. [Turning to the man at the door] What are you doing here? Booth: [To the Agent] FBI. Special Agent Seeley Booth, Major Crime Investigation, D.C. Bones identifies bodies for us. Temp: Don't call me Bones. And I do more than identify. Booth: [Holding up the book, then sliding it across the table to the other Agent] She also writes books. Agent: [Picking up the book, he looks at it noting Brennan's name] Fine. She's all yours. Booth: [To Brennan] Great. Let's grab your skull and let's vamoose. Temp: What! That's it? She's all yours? Why did you stop me? Booth: Why does it matter? You're free to go. Let's just grab your bags, click, click, clang, clang... Temp: [To Booth] You set me up. [To Agent] You got a hold for questioning request from the FBI didn't you? [Agent looks to Booth, Brennan looks at Booth incredulously, Booth knows he's been found out] Agent: I love this book. [Hands it back to Brennan] Temp: [Grabbing the book and then the skull, Brennan stalks past Booth who is holding all of her bags] Come on. [Cut to the inside of an SUV, Booth is driving, Brennan is in the passenger seat] Temp: That's the best you can do? Booth: What? Temp: Getting Homeland Security to snatch me so that you can stage a fake rescue. Booth: Well, at least I picked you up at the airport huh? [Gives her a charming little grin which only annoys Brennan more] Hey, come on. I went through the appropriate channels but your assistant there, he stonewalled me! Temp: Yeah, well after the last case I told Zach to never, ever to put you through. He's a good assistant. You can let me out anywhere along here. Booth: Alright, listen. A decomposed corpse was found this morning at Arlington National Cemetery down... Temp: Arlington National Cemetery is full of decomposed corpses, it's... a cemetery. Booth: Yeah, but this one is your type of corpse, it wasn't in a casket. Temp: If you drive one more block, I'm screaming 'kidnap' out the window. Booth: Do you know what, I'm trying to mend bridges here. Temp: Pull over. [Cut to SUV pulling over, Brennan and Booth both leaving the vehicle] Temp: I'm going home. [Walking quickly away form Booth who is following] Booth: Great! Could we... Look, could we just skip this part? Temp: I find you very condescending. Booth: Me! I'm condescending. I'm not the one who's got to mention that she's got a Doctorate every, five, minutes. Temp: I am the one with the Doctorate. Booth: Yeah, well you know what? I'm the one with the badge and the gun huh. You know, you're not the only forensic anthropologist in town. Temp: [Laughing] Yes I am. The next nearest is in Montreal. Parlez-vous francais? Booth: What's it going to take? Temp: [Stopping and turning to face him] Full participation in the case. Booth: Fine. Temp: Not just lab work, everything. Booth: What? Do you want me to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder. Temp: I don't know what that means. Booth: It's an olive branch, just get back in the car. [Cut to Arlington National Cemetery, Brennan and Booth walking down a grassy hill, filled with row upon row of headstones, toward a large pond] Temp: What's the context of the find? Booth: Routine landscaping, dropped a load in the local pond, one of the workmen thought he saw something. [Cut to van door with Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab emblem, closes to reveal Zach Addy, Brennan's assistant] Temp: Hi Zach. Zach: This eco-warrior look works for you. Temp: Thanks. Zach: Very action oriented. Temp: Agent Booth, you remember my assistant Zach Addy? Booth: Oh yeah... Zach: [To Brennan] How was Guatemala? Dig up lots of massacred victims? Learn a thing or two about machete strikes? Temp: Zach, I need water samples and temperature readings from the pond. Zach: Right away Dr. Brennan. Booth: He's got no sense of discretion that kid. Typical Squint... Temp: I don't know what that means. Booth: When cops get stuck, we bring in people like you. You know? Squints. You know, you squint at things. Temp: Oh, you mean people with very high IQ's and basic reasoning skills. Booth: [Looking chastised] Yeah. [Cut to Brennan and Booth on a boat in the middle of the pond, dropping an underwater camera that feeds to a video screen on the boat] Temp: What exactly am I supposed to be squinting at? Booth: Oh you know, it's like pornography, you'll know it when you see it. [Cut to the video screen that shows a skeleton under water, wrapped in what looks like chicken wire] Temp: Yeah okay. This is a crime scene. [Cut to opening credits] [Open next scene with Brennan examining the skeleton on the shore, seems to be late at night, Zach taking pictures of the skeleton] Temp: Remains are wrapped in four-milled, flat poly-construction sheeting. Zach: PVC coated chicken wire. Temp: Weighted. That's why the body didn't surface during decomposition. The skeleton is complete but the skull is in fragments. Booth: [Joining Brennan and Zach at the body] What can you tell me? Temp: Not much. She was a young woman, probably between 18 and 22, approximately 5'3", race unknown, delicate features. Booth: [Sarcastically] That's all? Temp: Tennis player. Booth: How do you get a pretty tennis player out of that yuck? Zach: Epiphyses fusion gives age, pelvic bone shape gives s*x... Temp: Bursitis in the shoulder, somebody this young, must be an athletic injury. Booth: When did she die? Temp: Ehhhh..... Booth: [Mocking] Ehhhh... What does that even mean? Zach: Means wait until our bug and slime guy takes a look. Temp: No clothing. Booth: You know, in my line of work, no clothes usually means a s*x crime. Temp: In my line of work, it could also mean the victim favored natural fibers. Zach: [To Booth] Your suit, for example, will outlast your bones by decades. Temp: [To Zach] Collect silt, 3 meters radius, to a depth of 10 cm. [To Booth] Your FBI forensics team can take the plastic and the chicken wire, we'll take the rest. [Cut to exterior shot of the Jeffersonian, fade to Brennan and Dr. Goodman walking inside with Zach trailing behind them] Temp: Dr. Goodman, I wish you wouldn't just give me to the FBI. Dr. Goodman: As a federally funded institution, the Jeffersonian must seize every opportunity to prove our worth to our friends in Congress which means, I loan you out as I see fit, especially to federal agencies. Temp: 'Loan out' implies property Dr. Goodman and the FBI will never respect me as property. Dr. Goodman: I do not view you as property Dr. Brennan, you are one of the Jeffersonian's most valuable assets. Zach: An asset is, by definition, property. Dr. Goodman: What's the rule Mr. Addy? Zach: [Sighing] You only converse with PhD's. You realize I am half way through two Doctorates? Two halves make a whole, so mathematically speaking... Dr. Goodman: Go polish a bone Mr. Addy! [Leaving Zach behind, Dr. Goodman and Temp enter an atrium in the museum] Temp: Dr. Goodman. FBI agents will never respect any of us as long as you simply dole out scientists like office temps. Dr. Goodman: Dr. Brennan, are you playing me ? Temp: You know I'm no good at that. Dr. Goodman: Mmmm. Thus far, but you have a disturbingly steep learning curve. [Cut to the Medico-Legal Lab at the Jeffersonian] Hodgins: The pond is not only warm and teeming with microbes, which accelerated decomposition, but it houses black carp and coy which fed on the body. Angela: Can I, as the only normal person in this room, say, Ew? Hodgins: I got three larval stages of trichoptera, chironimidae... Temp: As we cut to the chase.... Hodgins: The body was in the pond one winter and two summers. Temp: Spring before last. Hodgins: You really think I'm Lesty? [Looking confused, Temp turns to Angela] Angela: The book. Temp: No, No, No. You're not in the book. Zach: Sure he is! We all are... Temp: No, none of you are in the book. Those are fictitious characters based on.... Hodgins: [Interrupting and referring to a computer screen showing the ribcage of the victim] I found some small bone fragments in the silt. Angela: [To Brennan] We're out of the book now, we're back in real life... Hodgins: I guess Rana Temporaria. Temp: Frog bones... Hodgins: Also some tiny gold links, those from a fine chain... Zach: [To Brennan] Point of clarification, I'm not a virgin. Nowhere near in fact. Angela: Who you captured perfectly, is Booth. Buttoned down but buckets of sexual confidence which, uhhh, I for one would love to tap. Zack: It's not right to discuss tapping asses in front of a soaker. Temp: I can't bounce back and forth between my book and real life. Since we're stuck with real life let's just forget the book. Hodgins: I haven't analyzed whatever it was the victim was holding in her hand but it looks like cellulose. Angela: Paper? Hodgins: Possibly. Temp: I found microscopic grit embedded in the skull fragments, I need you to identify those too. [To Zach] Remove the remaining tissue, I'll debreed the skull fragments myself, reassemble it so Angela can put a face on our victim. Angela: Good. I prefer holographs, they don't stink. [The group begins to disperse as Brennan walks over to Zach, strains of Howie Day's, Collide begin in the background] Temp: Zach, I don't like those terms for human remains; soaker, crispy critter... Zach: Sorry Dr. Brennan. [As the music continues to play you see Brennan alone in the lab reconstructing the skull piece by piece. This continues through the night to a shot of her asleep on the exam table the next morning as Zach places a cup of coffee in front of her and she wakes. Cut to Brennan walking across the lawn of the Jeffersonian carrying her luggage from the day before. Next cut to Booth sitting in an office facing an older gentleman, his boss, Deputy Director Cullen] Cullen: So, you guaranteed a squint a field role in an active murder investigation. Booth: Yes sir. Cullen: The one that wrote the book. Booth: Yes sir. Cullen: Thought you said that she wouldn't work with you anymore. Booth: Well, the last case we worked she provided a description of the murder weapon and the murderer but I didn't give her much credence. Cullen: Why not? Booth: Because she did it by looking at the victim's autopsy x-rays. Cullen: [Snort] Well I wouldn't give it much credence either. Booth: Turns out she was right on both plus the pond victim, Brennan gives me the victim's age, s*x and favourite sport. Cullen: [Chuckling] Which is? Booth: Tennis. Cullen: [In awe] She's good. Booth: Oh, she's amazing. If the only way I can get her back to my side is to bring her out in the field, I'm willing. Cullen: Well, Squints like to stay safe, back at the lab. What's with Brennan? Booth: Remember a case back in the early 90's, a couple goes missing on the interstate, car was found at a rest stop? Cullen: Yeah. Upstate New York, upstanding citizens, nobody found anything... Booth: Those are Brennan's parents. Cullen: [Thinking] Fine. She's on you. Take a Squint out in the field, she's your responsibility. Booth: Thank you sir. [Cut to Brennan asleep, in what we can only assume is, her own bed. Hearing a sound her eyes open and she scrambles over the side of the bed to retrieve a bat she had hidden underneath. Quietly slipping down the hall, she holds that bat up in case she needs a weapon. As a man walks through a bead curtain she slams the bat into the front of the TV he's carrying.] Temp: [Holding the bat in the air, she looks down at the guy she has knocked out] Peter? [Cut to Brennan carrying a mug of coffee then handing it to Peter] Temp: It's not rational for you to choose the first day I'm back to reclaim your television. Peter: While you were away, I thought a lot about why we broke up. Temp: We fought all the time and don't like each other anymore. Peter: We fought because you are emotionally distant and cold but sexually speaking, I think you'll agree... Temp: [Interrupting] You didn't come for your TV, you timed this for a booty call! [Standing and taking the coffee from Peter, she begins pushing him down the hall toward the front door] Temp: OK, you're leaving. Peter: Your intimacy issues are probably due to being orphaned so young. Temp: Ughh... I hate psychology and you're just horny. Peter: Brennan, do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone? Temp: Ok, I don't know about the rest of my life but I sure as hell wish I was alone right now. [Reaching the door, Brennan pushes Peter out and he turns to face her] Peter: So what, we split the cost of the TV? Temp: Goodbye. [Brennan slams the door in his face and the phone begins to ring] Temp: [Picking up the phone] What? [Cut to Medico-Legal Lab at the Jeffersonian, Angela's office. Booth is considering a large piece of art on her wall] Booth: This is interesting, Angela. Temp: [Entering the room] Good morning. Does Booth know how this works? Angela: This computer program, which I designed, patent pending, accepts a full array of digital input, processes it and then projects it as a three dimensional holographic image. Booth: OK. Temp: [To Booth] You get that? Booth: [Ever the smart ass] Yeah, that and the patent pending part. Angela: Brennan reassembled the skull and applied tissue markers. Temp: [Looking at the Angelator with Hodgins, Booth and Zach] Her skull was badly damaged, but racial indicators, cheekbone dimensions, nasal arch, occipital measurements suggest African American. Angela: And.... We have our victim. [A full upper body photograph appears in holograph form on the Angelator] Booth: [Whispering, wiggles his fingers through the hologram] Whoa... Have to admit, that's pretty cool. Temp: [Removing Booth's hand] Ang, rerun the program substituting Caucasian values. [The image alters slightly] Temp: Does she look familiar to anyone? Booth: [Shaking his head in disbelief] No... Temp: [To Angela] Split the difference, mixed race. Angela: Lenny Kravitz or Vanessa Williams? Temp: I don't know what that means. [Angela makes the change and the image is altered again, and Booth is taken aback] Temp: Angela, reduce tissue depth over the cheekbones to the jaw line. [Booth looks from the skull to the image] Temp: Does anyone recognize her? Zach: Not me. Angela: Wait, is that who I think it is? Zach: The girl who had the affair with the Senator? Booth: Her name is Cleo Louise Eller. Only daughter to Ted and Sharon Eller. Last seen approximately 9pm, April 6, 2003 leaving the Cardio Deluxe Gym on K Street, she didn't even make it to her car. Temp: [To Booth] Pretty good memory. Booth: Yeah well, it's my job to find her. Hodgins: Well, in that case, congratulations on your success. Booth: This isn't exactly the way I wanted it to end. [Cut to the Squints eating lunch on some steps outside the Jeffersonian] Booth: Cleo Eller is not just some missing girl. Hodgins: Yeah, she's a senate intern who was boinking Senator Allen Bethlehem. Booth: I was secondary in the investigation to the disappearance of that girl and we couldn't confirm that. [Cut to pictures from Cleo Eller's file] Booth: [To Brennan] How did you recognize her before she even had her own face? Temp: I recognized the underlying architecture of her features, the rest is just window dressing. Zach: [To Brennan] I'm not an expert but, shouldn't he be happier? Booth: Oh no, believe me, I'm happy. Hodgins: He's not happy because Senator Bethlehem chairs the Senate Committee overseeing the FBI. Angela: You seem happy to me. Booth: [To Angela, Hodgins and Zach] I need this kept quiet. Hodgins: Ha! Cover up! Booth: [Walking down the steps away from the other Squints with Brennan following] Paranoid conspiracy theory. Hodgins: Is it paranoia that Monica Lewinsky was a KGB trained s*x agent mole? Temp: [Walking beside Booth across the Jeffersonian lawn] So what do you do first, confront the Senator? Booth: Listen, Bones, I know... Temp: [Interrupting] Don't call me Bones! Booth: I know we talked about you coming out in the field and all... Temp: Ughh.. You Rat b*st*rd! Booth: A case this big and the Director is going to create a special investigation and if I line all my ducks up in a row I could maybe, maybe I can head it up. Temp: I don't know what that means but I think I could be a duck. Booth: You're not a duck ok! On this one we stick to the book. Cops on the street, Squints in the lab. Temp: Well in that case, the Jeffersonian will be issuing a press release identifying the girl in the pond. Booth: You do that, I'm a dead duck. What are you trying to do? Temp: Blackmail you. Booth: Blackmail a Federal Agent? Temp: Yes. Booth: I don't like it. Temp: I'm fairly certain you're not supposed to. Booth: Fine. You're in. [Cut to Cullen's office] Cullen: You're certain it's Cleo Eller. Temp: The profile's dead on, age, race, height... Booth: Plus the timeline fits, I mean Cleo Eller did play tennis in college. Cullen: Talk to me about the Senator. Booth: [Handing Cullen a photo of Bethlehem] Cleo Eller, the victim, worked for Senator Bethlehem... Temp: It was reported that they were involved sexually. Booth: We couldn't confirm that. Cullen: Oh Bethlehem's a hound, everybody knows that. Booth: [Handing Cullen another photo] Ken Thompson, Cleo's boyfriend. Cullen: Thompson's still Bethlehem's aid. Thompson keeps Bethlehem's calendar, no way the Senator has an affair that Thompson doesn't know about. No sexual relationship, no motive. What about the ahh, nutcase? Booth: [Handing Cullen yet another photo] Oliver Laurier. Cullen: You like him for this? Booth: Well he's a stalker. Cullen: What's your first move? Booth: I'd like to inform the Eller's that we found their daughter. Cullen: It's better to keep this quiet, it's been what, two years? What's another few of days? Booth: With all due respect sir, I've come to know the family pretty well, especially the Major and two years is a hell of a long time in my book. Temp: [Absorbing everything going on around her jumps in to help] I'll have details of cause of death by this afternoon. Booth: [To Brennan] Then that's where we'll get started. [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Booth and Brennan back in the SUV, Booth driving, Brennan looking at Jeffersonian file with small sample bottle in her hand] Brennan: Hodgins identified the particulates embedded in Cleo Eller's skull as rolled steel most likely from a sledge typed hammer also there's concrete and diatomaceous earth. Booth: What's that? Brennan: [Handing Booth the sample bottle with a white powder inside] Looks like that. It's made up of prehistoric sea creatures, it's used as an insecticide, filtering agent, cleaning abrasive, ceramics... It's very common. Booth: Diatomaceous earth. Common or not, it's a clue. [Cut to Booth and Brennan sitting in a very formal living room with Cleo Eller's parents] Mr. Eller: You're positive it's our Cleo. Brennan: We established 22 matching points of comparison... Booth: [Cutting Brennan off and giving her a stern look] Yes. We're certain. Mr. Eller: Did he do it? The Senator. One military man to another. Booth: Major Eller, we can't discuss the investigation in any way. Mrs. Eller: Can you at least tell us if our daughter suffered? Brennan: Given the state of her skull... Booth: [Another dirty look to Brennan] Cleo never saw it coming. Mr. Eller: Thank you. Brennan: Mrs. Eller, can you tell us what Cleo wore around her neck? Mrs. Eller: Her father's Bronze Star. Ted won it in the first Gulf War then, he gave it to her for luck. [Mrs. Eller then breaks down and Booth looks to Brennan] [Cut to outside the Eller's home, Booth and Brennan getting back into the SUV.] Brennan: Those people deserved the truth. Booth: Their daughter was murdered, they deserve the kindness of a lie. Brennan: There'll be an inquest report. Booth: Which they won't read because they don't want to, especially because toward the end, Cleo and her parents weren't even speaking. Brennan: They told you that? Booth: You know, getting information out of live people is a lot different than getting information out of a pile of bones, you have to offer up something of yourself first. Bones: What exactly did you do in the military? Booth: See? See what you did right there Bones? You asked a personal question without offering anything personal in return and since I'm not a skeleton, you get zilch. Sorry. [Cut to Brennan and Zach back at the Medico Legal lab in the Jeffersonian] Brennan: There are stab marks here and odd markings on the distal phalanges. Nothing I've seen before. Hodgins: In a nutshell; anxious, depressed and nauseous. Brennan: Take a sick day. Hodgins: Not me. Cleo Eller. Pupal casings show that she was on Lorazepam, Chloradiazepoxide, and Meclizine Hydrochloride. Brennan: Nausea. Show me those bone fragments. [Cut to screen showing bone fragments enlarged.] Brennan: These aren't frog bones, Cleo Eller was pregnant. Zach: Fetal remains.... Brennan: Malleus, Incus, Stapes, these are fetal ear bones. Hodgins: The girl was pregnant. Brennan: Not very far along. Zach: Do you want to try to get a DNA reading see if we can prove paternity? Brennan: You can try, lets hope there's enough genetic material to test. Hodgins: This Senator, ahhh he is smart. He gets an intern pregnant and then murders her when it threatens his career and he has the connections to get away with it. Brennan: I hate it when you make paranoia plausible, it's like sliding off a cliff. Hodgins: Special Unit? No way your FBI pal heads it up unless the dark powers in charge are convinced he knows where his political bread is buttered. Either way, this is where this investigation ends. [Beautiful by Lifehouse begins to play and we cut to Brennan leaning on a swinging partition located at the Jeffersonian in one of the hallways, thinking. Angela joins her...] Angela: Want to get a drink? Non-topical application. Glug, glug, Woo hoo! [In a softer voice] Come on Sweetie... [The two begin walking down the hallway] Brennan: What if Booth's right. What if I'm only good with bones and lousy with people? Angela: People like you. Brennan: I don't care if men like me. Angela: [Chuckling wryly] Okay, interesting leap from people to men but I'm sure it means nothing. Brennan: I hate psychology. [Chuckling disbelievingly] My most meaningful relationships are with dead people! Angela: Who said that. Brennan: [Sitting down on a bench] It's true! I understand Cleo, and her bones are all I've ever seen. When she was seven, she broke her wrist probably falling off a bike and two weeks later, before the cast was even removed, she got right back on that bike and broke it all over again. And when she was being murdered, she fought back hard, even though she was so depressed she could hardly get up in the morning. She didn't welcome death, Cleo wanted to live. Angela: Honey, you ever think you come off kind of distant because you connect too much? Brennan: I hate psychology, it's a soft science. Angela: I know but, people are mostly soft. Brennan: Except for their bones. Angela: Yeah... You want some advice? Brennan: [Sarcastically] Glug, glug, woo hoo... Angela: Offer up a little bit of yourself every once and awhile. Just... tell somebody something you're not completely certain you want them to know. Brennan: [Laughing] God! That's the second time I've received that advice. Angela: Well, you know I give great advice. Brennan: I'm gonna have to push this to the next level. [Cut to the Hart Office Building of the US Senate. Brennan is meeting with Thompson and Senator Bethlehem in an atrium of sorts] Thompson: I'm a little confused as to why the Director of the FBI would send you to speak to the Senator instead of coming himself. Brennan: Probably because I'm the one who found out that Cleo Eller was pregnant. Bethlehem: You can tell the girl was pregnant from her skeleton? Brennan: We found fetal bones, The only question now, Senator, is which one of you is the father. Are you willing to submit to a DNA test? Thompson: [To Bethlehem] You know what, given the sensitivity, don't say anything on the subject without your attorney present. That's my advice. Bethlehem: Advice I intend to take. Ken, we have a vote to get to. [The Senator tosses some gum into a trash can and Brennan runs to retrieve it.] Bethlehem: Ummm, hehe, what are you doing? Brennan: Saliva, say from chewing gum, is an excellent source of DNA. I intend to compare it to the DNA in the fetal bones. Bethlehem: You need a warrant for that. Ken, she needs a warrant. [Thompson walks up to Brennan and grabs her wrist intending to take the gum however, she turns and swiftly elbows him in the stomach causing him to drop to the floor.] Brennan: [As she is walking out of the building she turns to the men] If we have any further questions, we'll be in touch. Bethlehem: Ken, you okay? [Cut to Cullen, in his office, standing with his arms crossed looking very pissed.] Cullen: When you work for the FBI Dr. Brennan, you're a Federal Agent, government property, I own you. Brennan: I'm not certain that's accurate sir. Cullen: Well how's this for accurate. I could place you under arrest on a Federal charge right now for uttering threats against a United States Senator. Brennan: What... Booth: Bones... Cullen: [To Booth] I own her, but she was your responsibility. Booth: Yes sir. Cullen: [Speaking to the intercom] Send in Special Agent First. [To Booth] I warned you about taking squints out to the field but you vouched for her, said she wouldn't screw up. Booth: Yes sir. Cullen: She accosted a Senator, assaulted his aid, that counts as screwing things up. Brennan: No! No! Booth didn't know I was going to see the Senator, I wanted to get a sample of his DNA. Cullen: [To Booth] Exactly. Booth: Not helping.... [Agent First enters the office as Cullen sits down behind his desk.} Cullen: Tomorrow morning I'm announcing the formation of a special unit to investigate the murder of Cleo Eller at which time your investigation will be officially terminated. [To Booth] You will not head the new unit. Booth: [Addressing Agent first without looking at him and not trying to hide the disdain from his voice] Congratulations Patrick. Agent First: No hard feelings. Booth: Right. Agent First: I need the complete case files in the morning. Booth: Of course, they'll be ready. Cullen: Thank you Agent First. Booth: [Getting up to leave] At least Dr. Brennan found out that the Senator Bethlehem was having s*x with Cleo. Brennan: I did? Cullen: [To Booth] Report said there wasn't enough DNA in the fetal bones to determine paternity. Booth: Senator Bethlehem didn't want Dr. Brennan to take that gum, he's hiding something. Brennan: [To Cullen] He didn't know there wasn't enough DNA. Cullen: I suggest you ummm, go back to your lab Dr. Brennan and get used to being there. Booth: Come on Bones... [As they are leaving Cullen's office] You okay? Brennan: Don't be nice to me after I got you in trouble. Booth: Your heart was in the right place. Brennan: No, I'm not a heart person, you're a heart person, I'm a brain person. You vouched for me. Booth: Forget it... Brennan: No, I won't. you think it was the Senator? Booth: Look, the Senator has had s*x with a dozen of these interns and he hasn't killed any of them, our best bet is still the stalker. Brennan: You want to check him out, we can, I don't, what do you call it, roost him? Booth: [Smirking] Rouse. Brennan: Rouse. Well the murderer snatched a Bronze Star from Cleo's neck so... Booth: I've got twelve hours before this case is over and I'm off it so, let's go rouse. [Cut to Brennan at Oliver Laurier's door, he has the door opened as far as the security chain will allow] Brennan: Mr. Laurier, we have a warrant to search your apartment.... [The door slams in her face and Oliver turns to run but is stopped by Booth who grabs him by the wrist and puts him to the floor] Booth: [Calmly] Don't run Oliver. [Cut to Oliver who is reading the warrant thoroughly as Booth is taking a look around the apartment] Brennan: Agent Booth is under the impression that you may have something that is pertinent to a case he is working on. Oliver: You're looking for a Bronze Star? Like the one that Cleo wore? Brennan: Exactly like that one Mr. Laurier. Oliver: I don't have it. Brennan: Sometimes stalkers retain keepsakes. Booth: [Picking up a tiny booklet] What the hell are these things huh? Oliver: Miniature lives of the Saints, I hand them out.... Booth: [Tossing one at Brennan] Heads up Bones. Oliver: [To Booth] I hand them out for donations, I'm not a panhandler, help yourself. [To Brennan] I never stalked Cleo. Brennan: Then why did she get a restraining order? Oliver: Okay, okay, no. First of all no. Ken Thompson, her supposed boyfriend, got the restraining order with his boss, the Senator but Ken is only concerned with his job and his tropical fish. They colluded to ruin my reputation with this specious, stalker label when in actuality, I was Cleo's close friend. Brennan: Then why'd you run from the warrant? Oliver: My fight or flight response is heavily weighted toward flight. If there is anything I can do to help you catch Cleo's killer, just tell me. Booth: Oh! Full confession, that would be great. Oliver: I love Cleo. Why would I hurt her? Brennan: If you don't mind, I'm gonna keep one of these little books. Oliver: Whatever you need, Dr. Brennan. [As Brennan leaves Booth narrows his eyes at Oliver contemplating the new infatuation that Oliver has formed. Cut to the Jeffersonian, Angela's office, looking at the holograph of Cleo Eller] Angela: This is a rough composite but, you get the idea. Brennan: Skull trauma was not the cause of death, Cleo was stabbed first. She was stabbed 5 to 8 times with a military issued K-Bar knife. Angela: And I just completed this rendering. The defensive wounds to the bones of her hands suggest that it wasn't until the third or the fourth penetration that.... Brennan: [Interrupting and referring to the simulation of Cleo being stabbed] That's likely the fatal stab right there. Angela: ..that Cleo stopped fighting back. Brennan: I believe that the distinctive damage to her distal phalanges, the tips of her finger bones, was caused by the murderer using a knife to remove her finger pads. Cranial fragmentation suggests a 20lb hammer striking four to five times while the victims head rested on a cement floor containing traces of diatomaceous earth, that's the best explanation for the particulates found in her skull. This was not a crime of passion. Angela: Cleo never saw the first stab coming, it didn't arise out of an argument. Why smash Cleo's face, why whittle away her finger tips, remove her clothing and her jewelry? Zach: Sink her body. Brennan: The murderer put more effort into hiding the victim's identity than he did into the murder itself. Hodgins: In case Cleo was identified, the murderer planted evidence. The little book that Brennan got from the stalker matches the cellulose I found in Cleo's hand. Angela: Military cemetery, military knife implicate her own father. More misdirection. Hodgins: Sound like any conniving, son-of-bitch senators you know? Booth: You expect me, to declare war on a United States Senator based on your little holographic crystal ball. Brennan: It's not magic. It's a logical recreation of events based on evidence. Booth: No more valid than my gut. Zach: A good hypothesis withstands testing that's what makes it a good hypothesis. Booth: It's not a hypothesis, you have a dead girl and a United States Senator. This is exactly why squints belong in the lab, you guys don't know anything about the real world. Brennan: [Glaring at Booth as she leaves Angela's office] Come on, we're done here. Booth: [To Angela, who stayed in her office] Wow. Touchy... Angela: You must know about her family. Both parents vanish when she's fifteen? Probably counts as the real world. Booth: Yeah. I know the story, read the file, cops never found out anything. Angela: Yeah. Brennan figures that if maybe somebody like her had been there... Booth: For someone who hate psychology, she sure has a lot of it. [Cut to Brennan shooting a gun in a firing range] Booth: Thought I'd find you here. You know, you being a good shot and doing martial arts, it's all your way of dealing. Who knows better than you how fragile life can be? Brennan: Maybe an Army Ranger sniper who became an FBI homicide investigator? Booth: Ah, you looked me up, huh? [Referring to the gun] Do you mind? Brennan: Be my guest. Booth: Thank You. [Booth picks up the gun and purposely makes a lousy shot] Brennan: [Chuckling] Were you any good at being a sniper? Booth: A sniper gets to know a little something about killers. Senator Bethlehem, he's no killer. Brennan: Oh, and Oliver Laurier is? Booth: [Backing Brennan against the wall of the firing booth, he gets right in her face] The way I read Laurier, he's unhinged. That makes him dangerous. Brennan: That'd be your gut telling you that, correct? Booth: You know, homicides, they're not solved by scientists. They're solved by guys like me asking a thousand questions a thousand times, catching people telling lies every time. You're great at what you do, Bones, but you don't solve murders, cops do. Brennan: Cleo Eller was killed on a cement floor sprinkled with diatomaceous earth. Traces of her blood will still be in that cement. One of us is wrong, maybe both of us. But if Bethlehem wasn't a Senator, you'd be right there in his basement looking for that killing floor. You're afraid of him. Your hypothesis is that squints don't solve murders and cops do, prove it. Be a cop. [Smirking, Brennan turns and leaves. Booth picks up the gun and fires two quick shots with his own gun. Camera fades to show both being perfect kill shots. Cut to Booth sitting at his desk watching home video of Cleo Eller and her family while by plays. Brennan knocks on the door and clears her throat] Booth: They look pretty happy, don't they. Otherwise they wouldn't turn on the camera I guess. Brennan: Zach said you wanted to see me? Booth: That something you don't like to talk about? Families? Temperance, partners they, share things, builds trust. Brennan: Since when are we partners? Booth: I apologize for the assumption. [Hands Brennan a piece of paper] Brennan: You got a warrant to search Bethlehem's place? Booth: You were right. If Bethlehem wasn't a Senator, I'd be in that basement, looking for that killing floor. But you're wrong, I was never afraid of that guy and I'm not doing this because you're a genius, I'm doing this for Cleo. [Cut to a media circus outside Senator Bethlehem's mansion] Thompson: The warrant says they're searching for blood traces, a sledgehammer and diatomaceous earth. Bethlehem: What the hell is that? [Thompson angrily storms up to Brennan] Thompson: You're making a big mistake. [Brennan ignores him and looks over to where Booth is in a heated conversation with Agent First. Sensing she is being watched, she turns to see Oliver Laurier behind the gate] Brennan: What are you doing here? Oliver: Look at him, for all his politics he's got nothing. He should have loved Cleo properly like I would have. Will you sign my book? Brennan: Stalk me Oliver and I will Kick. Your. Ass. [Cut to a sledgehammer being removed from the Senators home in an evidence bag] Bethlehem: I don't recognize that, that is not mine. That is not mine! Brennan: [To Booth as he walks up to her] At least we got the hammer. Booth: Yeah but that's all we got. Brennan: The cement floor in the basement? Booth: Yeah, no blood, diatomaceous earth. We needed a trifecta Bones. Physical evidence, murder weapon, crime scene... [Cut to all of the squints drinking alcohol out of beakers in the lounge back at the Jeffersonian] Zach: They won't even arrest him? Hodgins: Don't worry, if that's the hammer used on Cleo Eller, he'll get arrested. A toast to getting this b*st*rd. Brennan: The hammer's not enough. He's gonna get away with it. And maybe Booth is right, maybe outside the lab I'm useless. Hodgins: [Holding up Oliver's book] Let's take guidance from the lives of the Saints. Angels: Albertus Magnus, Patron Saint of Scientists. Zach: I thought Magnus was the Patron Saint of fish mongers? Hodgins: Two separate entities. Albertus Magnus was a 13th century philosopher, the fish monger saint was a ... Brennan: Fish! [Everyone stares at Brennan] You said that diatomaceous earth could be used as a filtering agent. Hodgins: Yeah, for swimming pools, water filters... Brennan: Or tropical fish. Oliver Laurier said that Ken Thompson kept fish. [Jumping up, Brennan begins to rush away] Angela: What's your hurry? Brennan: [Turning back] Thompson read the warrant, he knows we're looking for diatomaceous earth. Get in touch with Booth, tell him where I'm going, okay?. Angela: [To Hodgins] She didn't actually say where she was going, did she? [Brennan pulls up to Thompson's home and sees him through a window spreading gasoline all over the floor] Brennan: Stop! You can't destroy evidence. [Picking up a planter at the front door, Brennan throws it through a glass panel then reaches in to unlock the door. Brennan enters the house] Thompson: This is a private residence, I don't suppose you have a warrant? Brennan: I'm working with the FBI, if I have reasonable suspicion of a crime being committed, I don't need a warrant. Thompson: What crime? Brennan: Destruction of evidence pertinent to a Federal investigation. Thompson: I'm just cleaning up. Is that alcohol I smell on your breath? Brennan: This linoleum looks fairly new, what's underneath, cement? The same cement that was embedded in Cleo's skull when you bashed her head in. Thompson: You might want to get out of here. Brennan: I can't let you destroy evidence. Thompson: How are you going to stop me? Brennan: I'll stop you. Thompson: [Laughing] Not before I burn this place down with you in it. [Brennan quickly pulls her gun and shoots Thompson in the leg, then rushes over still holding the gun on him in order to keep him on the floor] Brennan: I don't get it, it wasn't jealousy, it wasn't passion, Cleo wouldn't get rid of your boss's baby and so you got rid of her. What kind of psychology is that? What kind of person are you? [Oliver Laurier appears in the doorway] Oliver: Temperance. Are you alright? Brennan: Oliver, I understand you're here out of a misguided concern for my safety but I apparently don't read people very well and you could be in some kind of psychotic collusion with Ken so I'm going to ask you to go over there and apply pressure to his wound until the police get here, you understand? Oliver: Okay. Okay. Did he kill Cleo? Brennan: Yeah... Oliver: Okay. Well, I'm down with him bleeding to death. Brennan: Did I mention that applying pressure to a gunshot wound is extremely painful? [Cut to Cleo Eller's funeral with Collide by Howie Day playing. All the squints have attended as well as Goodman, Booth and Brennan. Brennan leaves the group to place a rose on Cleo's coffin while the rest watch] Angela: Is the FBI going to lay charges against Brennan? Hodgins: She only shot him in the leg. Once. Booth: She didn't give him a warning. She just shot him, with alcohol on her breath. Goodman It was her first shooting, you can't expect it to be perfect right out of the gate. Zach: [To Booth] How much warning did you give people before you sniped them? [Shooting Zach a dirty look, Booth leaves the group to catch up with Brennan who is walking across the cemetery toward the road. He catches up with her and falls into step beside her with a smug grin on his face] Brennan: [Laughing] What? Booth: Told you it wasn't the Senator. Brennan: And I told you who it was, so we're even. Booth: Except we work on the same cases and you end up on the New York Times Best Sellers list. Brennan: I didn't know that! Booth: Number Three, with a bullet. Brennan: That's good right!?! The New York Times with a bullet... Booth: It means you're rich, call your accountant. Brennan: [Laughing] I don't have an accountant. Booth: Well get one. Brennan: Okay, how does that work? Booth: Ughh, you need to get out of the lab you know, watch TV, turn on the radio, anything! Pick up the phone and.... [Booth stops and looks with Brennan back to the funeral where Mr. and Mrs. Eller are laying roses on their daughter's coffin] Booth: You know, if it weren't for you, those people would never have known what happened to their daughter. That's got to be worse than the truth. Brennan: I know exactly how the Eller's felt about Cleo. My parents disappeared when I was fifteen and nobody knows what happened to them. Booth: You know, being a sniper I took, a lot of lives, What I'd like to do before I'm done is try and catch at least that many murderers. Brennan: [Laughing] Please! You don't think there's some kind of cosmic balance sheet... [Catching herself with her foot in her mouth, she stops] I'd like to help you with that. Booth: [Smirking] Ehhhh.... [Laughing, Brennan smacks Booth on the arm and they begin walking away] End.
Plan: A: executive producers; Q: What is Barry Josephson's job title on BONES? A: Hart Hanson; Q: Along with Barry Josephson, who is an executive producer of BONES? A: an investigative drama; Q: What is BONES? A: real-life forensic anthropologist and best-selling novelist Kathy Reichs; Q: Who was the show based on? A: a highly skilled forensic anthropologist; Q: What is Dr. Temperance Brennan? A: FBI Agent Seeley Booth; Q: Who asks Temperance Brennan to help with investigations? A: Seeley Booth; Q: Who is the FBI agent that calls on Temperance Brennan? A: the standard methods; Q: What methods of identifying a body are useless? A: the remains; Q: What is badly decomposed, burned or destroyed beyond recognition? A: skeletal remains; Q: What is found at the bottom of a lake? A: a Washington, DC, congressman; Q: Who was the ex-aide of? A: murder; Q: What do the clues in the season premiere of BONES add up to? A: the case; Q: What does Brennan want to be a part of? A: all scientists; Q: Who does Booth think is squints? A: a partnership; Q: What does Brennan want from Booth? A: the surface; Q: What did Brennan dig under to uncover who was behind the murder? Summary: From executive producers Barry Josephson and Hart Hanson comes BONES, an investigative drama inspired by real-life forensic anthropologist and best-selling novelist Kathy Reichs. Dr. Temperance Brennan is a highly skilled forensic anthropologist in Washington, DC. FBI Agent Seeley Booth calls on her to assist with investigations when the standard methods of identifying a body are useless - when the remains are badly decomposed, burned or destroyed beyond recognition. In the season premiere, Booth asks Brennan to help provide clues and information when skeletal remains are found at the bottom of a lake. With her team of specialists at the Jeffersonian Institute, Brennan determines the identity of the remains to be the ex-aide of a Washington, DC, congressman. A series of clues add up to murder, and Brennan wants in on the case. Although skeptical of all scientists, or "squints" as he calls them, Booth knows if he wants Brennan's expertise on the case, he's going to have to give in to her demand to a partnership with him and let her out of the lab. But Brennan may have gotten more than she bargained for when she digs under the surface to uncover who was behind the murder.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Barry: There will be no peace in Abbudin with my brother in power; he has to be removed. John: So you want to have a coup, oust your own brother? We need to remove Tariq before we remove Jamal. You have three days to turn Jamal against Tariq. You'll have to come up with a credible reason to send Molly and the kids back to the States before this goes down. And, uh, until then, best to keep her in the dark. Why would you stay here if Jamal won't even be president? There's nothing you can do. Molly, I'm taking his place. They hang people in this part of the world for this sh1t, Barry. You will assume my uncle's position as head of Abbudin's military. General Tariq, you are hereby under arrest for treason. Let whatever happens here happen without you. Come on. Just come home with us. Don't expect us to come back. See, Bassam? I don't murder family. No matter how treacherous. How... traitorous. Tariq: You were a killer when you were nine years old, and you still are. I know your soul, Bassam. Killer! I know who you are! (birds singing) Jamal: Bassam, which one you prefer? Barry: Uh, whichever's fine. Jamal: No, you have to choose. Barry: What's the difference? Jamal: One is black, one is red. Barry: I'll take the black one. Jamal: I prefer the red. That's fine. Uh... The lures, uh, I have picked for both of us. I hope you don't mind. (Barry laughs) This one, uh... was father's favorite. Barry: The fatma jig. I remember. Once caught a 20-pound yellowtail with that. Jamal: It was me who caught the yellowtail, as I remember. Barry: Yeah, you're right. So... Tariq still won't name names, huh? Barry: Well, maybe there are no names to name. Jamal: There are always names. And Ziad will get them for me. Ziad: The president... he was very insistent on knowing every name. Tariq: There are no names. There is no coup. Other than the one you are planning. Ziad: We shall see about that. Tariq: Yes, I know. Most days, I stood where you are standing, so I know how this goes. I'll make up names, Ziad, if you'll tell me why you're betraying me. Did I abuse you too much? Humiliate you? You made it so easy. I still can't fathom how I could've missed it. Your hatred. Your ambition. Ziad: Now, that's insulting. Tariq: Why don't you just kill me and end this charade? Ziad: Think of this as my first act of penance for all the unspeakable acts of cruelty I committed on your behalf. Shadid: Under orders from the President, General Ziad has taken control of all the military bases and secured the perimeter of the capital. Your brother has placed the noose around his own neck. Barry: Thank you, General Shadid. Yussef: This is Ayoob Aziz, the new head of Palace security. Barry: We're counting on you, Mr. Aziz. Ayoob: Everything is in place... Mr. President. Barry: Call me Bassam for now. John: So... Once Molly and your kids are in the air, Mr. Aziz will relieve the Palace guard of their duties and place Leila, Ahmed, Nusrat and your mother under house arrest. Barry: No. Not my mother. Ayoob: For her own safety. Just until the situation is stable. Hakim: My daughter, too, please. I want her protected. Barry: Tomorrow, when Jamal and I return from fishing, Ziad will place him under arrest, and then you lift the television blackout. Yussef: What will you tell the people? What you choose to say will be crucial, Bassam. Barry: I'm hoping to convince Jamal to offer his resignation, make a statement to the people that he loves his country, that's why he's choosing to step down. John: You really think his ego will allow that? Barry: I think his ego will demand it. Otherwise, it's being overthrown by his brother. John: Either way, someone will need to assure the world of a smooth transition to the promised democratic elections. I, uh... I wouldn't count on that being Jamal. Fauzi: Who else is behind you on this? Barry: It's better you don't know. Not yet. But I need you to help make this work. Fauzi: Me? How? Barry: Fauzi, they're gonna call me a usurper. An American. I... I need you to help me make my case to the people. I need you to help me find the right words. (Fauzi scoffs) Fauzi: You want me to be your propagandist. Barry: No, I'm asking you to write a speech. Fauzi: Bassam, I've been imprisoned and tortured by the Al Fayeeds. Now you're asking me to work for one. Barry: Goddamn it, Fauzi, you're the one that keeps telling me I have a responsibility to fix this place because of who I am. Fauzi: Bassam... Barry: What about you? I'm giving you a chance to do something here, not just write about it. (phone ringing) Yeah? John: Barry. We need to talk. Get here as soon as you can. (phone beeps) Barry: Are you in or out? I need your answer by tomorrow. Lea: They want out of the democracy business. Barry: Who does? John: State department. Higher-ups. Barry: What do you mean, "out of the democracy business"? Lea: Take a look at Iraq. Barry: This isn't gonna be Iraq. I would be the president. John: Our, uh, analysis is that you lose and Ihab Rashid wins, his party cracks down... Sectarian violence all over again. Barry: So that was all true two days ago. What the hell has changed? Lea: Well, with the plane crash and the arrest of Tariq, your brother's taken his entire senior command out of the picture. We thought we needed a coup to do that. With them gone, state department feels that you can handle your brother. John: No more need for a coup. Barry: And Jamal wins an election that I would lose? Lea: Uh, no, we're inclined to think he would fix the election, but we're okay with that. We could use a good, strong, secular leader who makes all the appropriate noises about democracy without any of the messiness. Barry: No. No way. This has gone too far. Lea: Actually, you've gone just far enough. It's perfect. Barry: Fine. This is ours now. We'll do it without you. Lea: Really? Without our encrypted comms? Without our cash to pay the military while you take control of the treasury? Without our assurances to the foreign governments that the U.S. stands behind you and your currency? And without our protecting your family once they're stateside? Barry: You are so smug, aren't you? You lose track of that in the U.S.... the smugness. Lea: Well, actually, we're a lot less smug than we used to be. We got our asses kicked recently. No, smug is thinking you can turn Abbudin into a democracy overnight. Here's the thing: either you really want the power or you're an idealist, and either way, that's a problem. John: I tried, believe me. Barry: Not hard enough. John: My hands are tied. Barry: Bullshit. John: Let it go, Barry. It's over. Barry: Tucker, you know Jamal. You know what he'll do. (footsteps receding) (sighs heavily) (birds singing) Jenna: So, listen, there's this city on the coast about half an hour from here. Azlan. It's supposed to be perfectly picturesque, with the most amazing shopping. Emma: Mmm. Jenna: I really wanted to go before I leave. Emma: Yeah, sounds great. But why not just wait till we're back and then you don't have to rush it? Jenna: But I don't think I'm coming back. Emma: Why wouldn't you come back? Jenna: Really? Your father clearly sees his chance to get rid of me. Why else would he be paying for me to go with you? I don't need a dose of home. I was just home. I was running away from home. Emma: I guess. Jenna: Look, the whole thing doesn't make sense. You guys going back, spur of the moment without him, after he suggested it? But people do what they do. I'm just saying he's not flying me back, and I can't afford to fly myself. So what do you say? Azlan tomorrow? (phone ringing) Barry: Fauzi. Fauzi: Can we talk? Barry: Listen, um... Something's come up. We may need to... Fauzi: Just meet me outside the mosque. I'm here. Jamal: Mmm! (light laughter) This is better than the Moroccan food in Morocco. I am telling you. Sophia: It's delicious. Leila: Your husband doesn't agree. Hakim: No, not at all. It's delicious. Leila: We can have the kitchen prepare whatever you like. Don't be polite; we're family. Hakim: Really, I am enjoying it. Sophia: Hakim has been distracted. His cousin was on the plane. Jamal: Mmm. Yes, uh, sure. I'm... I'm very sorry. Colonel Hassan was a good man. Sophia: Yes, a terrible loss. Hakim: Anything new with the investigation? Jamal: A fire, caused by catastrophic electrical failure. That's the prevailing, um, theory for now. But enough with, uh, bad news. Let's celebrate the good news. That our children worked out their problems. Leila: Yes. Jamal: The key to success in life... A healthy marriage. (Leila chuckles) Uh... more wine for Hakim. Hakim: No, I'm fine, thank you. Jamal: No, not fine enough. More wine. Hakim: Thank you. Jamal: To our children. Leila: To our children. (Jamal sighs) You will tell us the truth, won't you? Hakim: The truth? Leila: When Nusrat is pregnant. We must know when you do. Hakim: Mmm. Leila: No secrets, please. We're family. Hakim: Sure. Jamal: As soon as talk turns to babies, that's the cue for the men to move on. Hakim, let's have, uh, some brandy in the private room. (chuckles) Hakim: Okay. Fauzi: So, I've been thinking about what you said. In fact, it's all I've been thinking about. Why I didn't say "yes" right away, I... I don't know. But I spent the afternoon writing a draft of a speech. I hope it helps. Barry: Fauzi. It doesn't matter. Thank you. Fauzi: I'm probably the one who should be thanking you, my friend. Good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] (phone beeps, line ringing) John: This is Tucker. Barry: Tucker. Tell the secretary I'm going ahead. With or without his support. John: Don't be stupid, Barry. You heard our analysis. Barry: They can shove their cynical calculations about my country up their asses. I'm gonna finish what my father started. John: Oh, yeah, without U.S. support? All right, good luck with that. Barry: Well, you all better hope I succeed, because I'm gonna have a letter to the New York Times ready to be sent in the event of my capture. The whole story. John: No, no, no. Barry: "Arab living in the U.S. for 20 years" "stages U.S.-backed coup." John: (stammers) Let them recalculate their risk with that in mind. John: Hey, hey. (stammers) Tell me where I can meet you, please. (stammers) Barry: John, John, I've made my decision... okay? Now it's your turn. John: Hey, don't hang up! Don't hang... Barry! Bar...! Get me Exley! Barry: The, uh... car for the airport needs to leave by noon. Molly: I know, Barry, okay? I know. I'm on it. It's taken care of. Barry: What? Molly: Look at you. I keep thinking... 20 years... we've slept in the same bed. (chuckles softly) That's a lot of nights. Barry: Hey. Molly: No, don't. (crying) I'm just so angry at you... (sniffles) For saying good-bye to me, for making me say good-bye to you. Barry: Molly... I know. And I'm afraid, too. I'm... I'm afraid of losing you, losing the kids. I love you. (Molly sniffles, groans) Barry: Please, don't pull away from me. Molly: Just tell me it's gonna be okay. Barry: It'll be okay. Molly: You're just saying that... because you say whatever you need to say to anyone. (phone buzzing) (phone beeps) Barry: Molly... I promise you... it'll be okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Barry: Safe flight. I'll see you in a week. Molly: Okay. I love you. Barry: I love you. So... be good. Sammy: Mm-hmm. Barry: I'll miss you guys. Sammy: What can you do? You got to help Jamal in the country. Barry: Yeah. So, where's Emma? Molly: I told her to say good-bye to you before she left. Hold on. (phone dialing) (line ringing) Emma: What's up? Molly: What happened to saying good-bye to your father? He's leaving in five minutes. Emma: Oh, my God, oh, my God, I... I totally forgot. Put him on. (whispers) We screwed up. Barry: Emma? Emma: Dad? Dad, I-I'm so sorry. I totally forgot about your fishing trip. Barry: It's okay. Listen, just, uh... Just make sure you're not late getting back, okay? You need to... you need to leave by noon. Emma: By noon, I know. Barry: I love you. Emma: I love you, too, dad. Jamal: Molly, Sammy, bon voyage. Come, Bassam, the fish won't wait forever. Whoa! Salim, you need any help? Salim: I'm fine here, Mr. President. All you have to do is bring home some supper. Jamal: I will. Today... is a day for catching things. Barry: Me and you. Jamal: The first quiet either of us have had in months. (Jenna deeply sighs) Jenna: I'm gonna miss it here. Emma: Yeah, it's growing on me, too. Jenna: Of course it is. For all the crazy stuff that happens here... there's something kind of magical about this place. (Emma chuckles) It's changed you, Em. Maybe because... everyone's so different here... it's forced you to figure out who you are. You seem really good... like a princess. Emma: Okay, first of all, I'm not, but thank you for saying so. Jenna: You're welcome. One more before we go? Emma: Yeah, sure. Young man: Hey, ladies. (young men whistling) Jenna: Oh, come on. Are you five years old? (Emma giggles) Young man: I got it. Let's go. Jenna: Two more, please, and we'll take the check. Man: You got it. Jamal: Isn't it amazing? So clear... so beautiful. You feel like you should be able to see right down to the bottom... when, actually, you have no idea what is happening even just below the surface. Barry: So, we wait. Jamal: That's what fishermen do. (sighs) They wait. Perhaps we're doing it wrong. Barry: Whoa. I got something. Jamal: Me, too. Mine's a whopper. Keep reeling. Barry: Oh, it's putting up a fight. Jamal: We are the masters of the sea. No creature is safe! Ah! I caught you! Barry: I caught you! (both chuckling) [SCENE_BREAK] Jenna: Someone took our wallets. Emma: My phone, too. Man: You have no wallets? Emma: No. Man: You have no money? Jenna: No, I'm telling you... Man: This happens all the time. Jenna: Pickpockets? Man: People stealing from me. They eat my food, drink my coffee, and then they run off without paying. Emma: We're not running off. Man: Oh, no? Jenna: Look, we're the victims here. Emma: I don't think that's the best tactic. Will you take my jewelry? Man: That stuff is garbage. It's worth nothing. Emma: Really? Jenna: Give us five minutes, we'll run to our car, we'll come back with your money... Man: Oh, you think I'm an idiot? Emma: Walk to the car with us. We have a driver. He'll give you your money. Man: No way! Emma: It's three blocks away. It'll take five minutes. We'll give you a really big tip. Please, we have to get home. And today's starting to go in a really wrong direction. Jenna: It's okay. (Emma sighs) Jamal: You're not keeping up. Barry: Look, how are we supposed to catch any fish if we're drunk? Jamal: I don't care. I've waited 20 years for a day like today, for someone to play with again. You don't have to say anything. It's a compliment. Just drink. Come on. I mean, drink. You need to loosen up. Barry: I can't keep up with you. Jamal: You never could. At least not when it came to things that didn't... matter. Barry (sighs): Okay. (Jamal chuckles) Barry: There, you happy now? Jamal: Uh-huh. Mm... (chuckles) Barry: You okay? Jamal: 20 years. We need to get drunk and tell each other everything. Everything, Bassam. That's why you go fishing. Ramy: Eggs and milk? Yes. Baby, I wrote it down. I always write it down. (phone line beeping) Listen, my other line is ringing. I'll call you right back. Hello? Molly: Ramy, this is Molly Al Fayeed. Are my daughter and sister with you? Ramy: No, ma'am, they haven't come back from shopping yet. I thought they'd be here by now. Molly: I've been trying both of their cell phones. Neither one are answering. Ramy: It might just be the bad reception. Molly: That's not an excuse. They have to be back here in an hour. Listen, will you please go find them? My sister is... never mind. Just please find them. Ramy: Yes, ma'am. Right away. Jenna: sh1t. Man: What? Jenna: This is where we parked, right? Emma: I-I don't... I think so. Man: What? Emma: Look, I know from your perspective this probably doesn't look great. But you have to believe me... we told our driver not to move from this spot, okay? Jenna: What are you doing? Man: Police captain, please? I have it on speed dial. Jenna: Let's make a run for it. Emma: Honestly?! Look, just please don't do this. Okay? We'll make this right. I'm Emma Al Fayeed, as in the Al Fayeeds. Man: The Al Fayeeds? Without a car or without money for paying for things? You are an American tourist full of sh1t. Yes. Hello? Jamal: I'm not a philosopher, Bassam, but I'm telling you... fate is everything. Barry: Not everything. Jamal: Both of us were trapped being our father's sons. Sons of coal miners, bricklayers, fishermen... they all dream of escaping the life they were born to. The world expects that of them. The two of us... what were we allowed to want? Only what we had. This is our tragedy. Barry: Tragedy? Jamal: Inevitable, inescapable destiny. You ran for a while. But here you are. Neither of us can ever get away. Nothing worse than being the son of a king. Barry: Well, maybe being the son of a coal miner. Jamal: Maybe. What would you have been if you weren't...? Barry: I'd be a doctor. Jamal: A doctor. Well, I missed that. (laughs) I'm-I'm drinking. I would live in a small town. And maybe... make furniture. Barry: You were good at that. Jamal: We'd live in the same town. You would be the doctor. And I would make tables for the patients to lie on. (both laugh) And our wives would be friends. Wouldn't you like that? Barry: Yeah. Jamal: We would have been the closest of brothers if things had been different. Barry: Yes. If. John: Fresh intel. Ziad's men are in place to seize control of the three remaining bases. It's happening. Lea: I caught a load from the secretary. I spared you. He does not appreciate being blackmailed. John: Well, he pulled the rug out from under Bassam and Bassam turned the tables, you know? They'll toast each other when it's over. Lea: Yeah, maybe. We'll see. I know he's a friend of yours, but usually around here, friends make more trouble than enemies. John: Bassam's not Hamid Karzai. He's not Al-Maliki, okay? He's the real deal. I know it's tough in everyone's cynical calculations to process the value of a man who actually believes in something... Lea: You know, spare me, Tucker... You make that speech from Who-Ever-Heard-of-it-Istan or wherever they send you next when reality begins to set in in Abbudin. (cell phone ringing) John: Excuse me. (phone beeps) This is Tucker. Molly: I can't find Emma. She went to Azlan with my crazy sister, which I knew I shouldn't have let her do... John: Molly, slow down. Tell me what happened. Molly: I don't know. They went shopping. I've been calling to see if they're on time. Neither one of them are answering their phones. I-I sent the driver to go find them. He has no idea where to look. John: Okay, listen to me, Molly. Molly: We need to be leaving for the airport now. John: I know. I know. And we'll find her, but you and Sammy need to get moving. Molly: I'm not leaving without Emma. John: Well, I'm gonna go over there right now. I'm gonna find her. Molly: This isn't happening. John: Take a breath. Get to the airport with Sammy. Because you cannot miss your flight... you understand me? Molly: Yeah. Salim: There we go. Our biggest one yet, no? Barry: Yup. You win. Salim: Nice job, Mr. President. Jamal: We'll have a good supper tonight. Salim: We should head back now, sir. It's time. Jamal: What do you say, Bassam? Barry: Sure. Jamal: Unless you want to keep going. Head for open water. We can throw Salim overboard. Barry: I don't know. He's younger than us. Jamal: But we are smarter. We can surprise him from behind. No one will ever find us. Let them think we've all drowned. We can live as fishermen for the rest of our lives on some island. Barry: I think we might need to find another profession. Jamal: What if I tell you I'm serious? Barry: It wouldn't work. I tried it once, remember? If there's one thing I've learned, it's that... we all have a part to play in life. And all you can do is play it. Jamal: Salim? Take us back home. Emma: Oh, God, I am in so much trouble. Policeman: What time did it happen? Man: Uh, 11:30. No, no. 11:40. No, no. Wait, it... Jenna: For God sakes! Emma: I'm telling you... I'm Emma Al Fayeed. Man: Uh, yes, and I am Jesus Christ. Jenna: No, you're not. He would've been more forgiving. Emma: Just go online. Look it up, okay? I promise you. The president is my uncle. (policeman chuckles) Policeman: Why would the president's niece steal from this man? Emma: I didn't... can you please just look it up? It'll take 30 seconds, and then you can fill out your forms again. Please? (indistinct chatter) Emma: Emma. E-m-m-a. Policeman: E-m-m-a. Jenna: Those are really good photos. Policeman: I'm gonna get fired. You do know that, don't you? Man: I didn't.. Uh, uh, how-how could I know?! Emma: Can I just borrow a phone, please? Policeman: Yes. Here. Molly: They just made the announcement. The plane's about to board. John: Well, we found the driver. I don't know where the hell they could've gone. Molly: sh1t. Emma. What if something actually happened to them? John: I have a dozen people combing the streets. We'll find them and take them to the embassy. You need to get on the plane. Molly: Are you insane? I'm not leaving here without my daughter. John: Fine, then take Sammy and get him to the embassy. Molly: Hold on. I'm getting a call. Hello? Emma: Mom? Molly: Emma? Thank God. Are you okay? Emma: Yeah, we're fine. Uh, we kind of got robbed, but we're with a really nice policeman, and, uh, it's kind of a crazy... Molly: Okay, tell me later. Right now I need you to listen to me very carefully. Emma, stay right where you are. John Tucker's in the area. He will come by and pick you up. Okay? I love you. John: You two really screwed up. Emma: It's not like we asked to get ripped off. Jenna: I don't get what the big deal is. We could've taken another flight tomorrow. I mean, what's the big deal? John: I'll let your sister explain it. Barry: I'm sorry, Jamal. I didn't want it to be this way. I'm doing this to protect you from yourself. Jamal: We both need to pick our friends better. You've known Hakim for how long? Two months? I've known him for... 15 years. Two drinks, and he confessed everything. General, you may arrest your prisoner. Tariq: With pleasure, Mr. President. Jamal: All afternoon on the boat, I prayed. I prayed you would change your mind. I gave you a second chance to love me. Barry: I do love you. Jamal: You do not get to use that word. The funny thing is... if you had said you wanted this... my presidency... I would have given it to you. I would have given you anything. You thought you could come after all these years and...? Take him away. (door opens) (clicks tongue) (door closes) Molly: Well? John: I don't know anything. Molly: How can that be? You have eyes and ears everywhere. John: I thought that, uh, we might have some signal from inside the Palace by now, but... We have nothing good or bad. Then again, it's the early hours of a coup. It's... It's all confusion. That's just how it goes. Molly: I don't believe you. Tucker? What? John: These stations should've gone dark by now. I don't know what it means, but something isn't going according to plan. Amira: Bassam should never have come here. You and I both knew that from the very beginning, didn't we? Jamal... You're both my sons. If you don't want to show him mercy... show mercy to me. Jamal: You can't ask me this. Amira: I am asking you. I am begging you. Send him home. Exile them all. Jamal: Is that what he would have done for me? Or would he have murdered me? He was planning to arrest you, too. Did you know that? And Leila. And Ahmed, your grandson. Who would have pleaded for our lives? Amira: I don't know. But that's not what happened. You are here. You are the president. (Jamal sighs) You are the one who can be merciful. My gentle son. I am not your gentle son. He was. Amira: Please. Jamal. End it here... before we all murder each other. Jamal... He's still your brother. Tariq: Your father has admitted to plotting to overthrow the president. Nusrat: What? No. I don't believe you. Ahmed: It's not possible. Tariq: We want to talk to you and your mother. Nusrat: Me? Why? I don't know anything. Tariq: I would prefer that you come voluntarily. Nusrat: Ahmed... Ahmed: Do you know anything about this? Nusrat: No. Tariq: Come with me. Ahmed: It doesn't make sense. Please! Nusrat: Ahmed, don't let them take me. Why would her father do this? I swear I didn't do anything. Open. (door creaks open) (footsteps approach) I wanted time with you... myself, before my husband is going to do whatever he's going to do to you. Barry: I had to stop him, Leila... before he did something that you and I couldn't fix. Leila: Between the two of you, you are the monster. This is your democracy? Deposing presidents? You can forget about democracy, Bassam. We'll give them a show, if that's what they want. An election. But then Jamal will rule this country for the rest of his life. As his father did. Barry: You're kidding yourself. Leila: You are the one who's kidding himself. I told you I would protect my husband. Open. 20 years ago, you left me. It was June, and I cried all the way until September. And then I spent every day of my life, even though I hated you, wishing you would come back. I imagine you are going to spend the rest of your life wishing you hadn't. Barry: Tell my family I love them. Leila, please! Lea: Thank you. There's gonna be a sh1t storm. And it's all coming down on us. Molly: What does it say? Tell me. John: They were discovered. I don't know how. It didn't work. Molly: Is he dead? John: I don't know. I don't know anything else. (Molly panting) Molly: Wh... so what do we do now? Where do we go? John: You stay here. This is the only place that's safe. They can't come for you here. Molly: For how long, Tucker? My God. Oh, my God. No. I told you. I-I knew. I knew this would happen. No. I don't want... John: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. (Molly crying) I'm sorry. (Molly crying) Hakim: Please, you promised to let me live. I told you what I know. I told you everything. Mr. President. Jamal. Please. We are family. (stammers) No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Tariq: Ready? Hakim: Please. Wait, wait! Mr. President. (gunfire) Wait, wait, wait! Mr. President, wait, wait. We are family. [SCENE_BREAK] Jamal: To your sons, father. Nicely done. (sighs) Any last piece of advice? Or will you trust me with this one? (door opens) Leila: We need to discuss your brother. There is only one punishment for treason. Tariq: Mr. President, I understand how difficult this must be for you. Jamal: I spared your life, uncle. Even when I believed you were the one betraying me. Tariq: I would have advised you differently. Jamal: He's still my brother. Tariq: Exactly why this must be done. To show the people that no one, not even your own family, is above the law. Jamal: The law? (sighs) Suddenly you care about the law? Leila: What message will you send to anyone who would try what he tried? Men in prison get out of prison. Like Tariq. Men who are exiled return. Like your brother. As long as he is alive, you are not safe. Neither am I. Or your son. Jamal. Jamal: I will tell my mother first. Then I will sentence my brother to death.
Plan: A: The planned coup; Q: What suffers an early setback when Tucker reveals that the US is withdrawing their support? A: the US; Q: What country wants to call off the coup? A: the plan; Q: What does Bassam persist with despite the US wanting to call off the coup? A: a fishing trip; Q: What is Bassam doing with Jamal? A: Jenna; Q: Along with Emma, who is robbed and stranded while on a shopping trip? A: Abuddin; Q: Where are Emma and Jenna planning to leave? Summary: The planned coup suffers an early setback when Tucker reveals that the US is withdrawing their support and wants to call it off, but Bassam defiantly persists with the plan regardless. Meanwhile, while he is on a fishing trip with Jamal, Emma and Jenna are robbed and stranded whilst on a shopping trip, which interferes with the family's plans to leave Abuddin.
THIS EPISODE CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT. PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED. [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. RESIDENTIAL SIDEWALK - NIGHT] (Libby Cooperson and Cammie Brookston walk home. They're dressed in sweats and carry their duffle bags with them.) Libby: (laughs) Oh, you were so on tonight, Cammie. Cammie: I was channeling my nerves in a positive way. Somebody's got to hold it together. (They head inside.) [INT. HOUSE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The women laugh as they enter the house.) Cammie: I swear, Janice can't dance a straight line. Libby: Pigeon-toed. Should have stayed on the bluebell line. BG. (They put their bags down on the hallway chair in the living room. They take their jackets off.) Cammie: Well, you know how she scored that principal role, right? Bad on her feet, good on her back. (They laugh. Cammie stops and looks at the mess in the kitchen. On the center counter is a bottle of wine and two glasses.) Cammie: Oh, Libby, can you believe this? I am so sick of this pig sty. Libby: Been like this ever since Lauren got her creepy new boyfriend. (Libby puts the car keys back on the hook. Cammie washes her hands in the sink.) Libby: He's a musician. My mom dated a musician -- total freeloaders. (Libby stacks used pots on the stove as Cammie wipes her hands.) Cammie: If I get bumped to principal this week, I am so out of here. Libby: Take me with you. (She turns and points to the burning cigarette in the ashtray on the table.) Libby: Becca fell off the wagon again. Cammie: The nicotine dancer diet. (Suddenly, they hear loud music blasting from upstairs. The two girls look at each other and smile.) (They head upstairs.) FLASH TO PRESENT: [INT. HOUSE - NIGHT - PRESENT] (The cigarette in the ashtray on the table is burned out completely to the edge of the filter.) (Sara notes it and continues looking around in the kitchen on her way to the living room. The house is eerily quiet. She shines her light back into the kitchen - there's half a six-pack of soda on the counter near the stove. There's the empty wine bottle on the kitchen floor.) (Sara turns and slowly walks through the living room. She carries her kit and looks around as she goes.) (The phone rings, startling Sara. The answering machine kicks on.) Roommates: (on machine) Hey! You've reached Showgirl Heaven. Please leave a message at the tone. Thanks. Bye. Agent (woman): Cammie, great audition today. You made it, girl. You're principal. Call me for the details. Congrats! (Sara passes the line of duffle bags on the floor against the wall. The machine beeps off. Sara heads for the stairs.) (On the step, she notes a bloodied shoeprint. She looks up at the second floor, then cautiously makes her way up the stairs.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR -- NIGHT - FLASHBACK] (Libby and Cammie reach the second floor.) Libby: Everyone's in my room. Follow the music. (Cammie pauses to pick up some clothes hanging on the stairway bannister.) Cammie: Be right there. (Libby hurries to her room. She pushes the door open -- Libby: Hey, guys. (As Cammie turns to her own room, she smiles and glances at Libby long enough to hear a muffled scream and see Libby disappear into the room.) (The bedroom door slams shut.) Cammie: Libby? (Cammie takes a couple steps toward the room.) Cammie: Libby! FLASH BACK TO PRESENT: [INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY / BEDROOM 1-- NIGHT - PRESENT] (Sara reaches the second floor. On the carpet are bloodied shoe prints between the rooms.) (We hear the snap of a camera shutter. Sara turns to Cammie's room and finds Warrick snapping photos. Warrick turns and looks at Sara. Sara nods back to him.) Warrick: Hell of a way to spend your night off. Sara: How many bodies do you have in there? Warrick: Three. (PHOTO FLASHES of the three girls - one on the floor and one on each bed. They are all tied with their hands behind their backs and gagged.) Warrick: Grissom's down the hall, first door on your right. Just follow the blood. (Sara turns and heads for the hallway bedroom. She looks down at the bloodied shoeprints on the carpet.) FLASH TO: [INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR -- NIGHT - FLASHBACK] (Cammie makes her way slowly to Libby's room. The music is loud. She comes up even to the door when someone reaches out and grabs her, pulling her into the room.) (There are four other girls sitting on the floor, their hands tied behind their backs and gags in the mouths.) WHITE FLASH BACK TO: [INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR BEDROOM 2 -- NIGHT - PRESENT] (Sara shines her flashlight into the room.) Sara: My date got canceled. (An answering light shines back on Sara. Grissom looks at her.) Grissom: I'm sure he had a good excuse. (Sara steps cautiously into the bedroom. Grissom is kneeling next to the bed with a dead body on it.) Sara: Looks like sexual assault. Bound, pants pulled down. Grissom: Yeah. Sara: Where do you want me? Grissom: Next bedroom. There's another body in there. Sara: Well, that makes five. The dispatch said there were six. (Grissom stands up.) Grissom: According to Brass, the boyfriend of one of the victims found the bodies. Said there were six roommates, all showgirls. Evidently, one didn't come home. Sara: She picked the right night. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR BEDROOM 3 -- NIGHT - PRESENT] (Sara walks into the third bedroom. There's a dead girl on the bed. She pauses a beat by the doorway and looks inside. She walks in.) (Sara puts her kit down and steps closer to the bed, studying the scene. She looks around and notices some blood smeared on the floor next to the second bed in the room.) (She walks over and kneels down to look under the bed. She shines her flashlight.) (Suddenly, a BLOODY HAND SWIPES AT HER, SCRATCHING SARA'S FACE - (Sara pulls back and reaches for her gun while shouting.) Sara: Hot scene! Suspect under the bed! (Grissom appears in the doorway.) Grissom: Sara! (Sara looks under the bed and sees Cammie huddled in a pool of blood, her hands tied in front of her.) Cammie: (gasps) Please ... please help me. Please. (Sara puts her gun aside and reaches for Cammie.) Sara: Hold on. Victim down! Call an ambulance! Grissom: (o.s.) Dispatch, this is CSI Grissom ... (Sara holds Cammie's hand.) Sara: You're safe now, okay? You're safe now. It's going to be okay. Cammie: (gasps) Help me. Help me. (We hold on Sara.) SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. SHOWGIRL HEAVEN RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (The street outside the residence is cluttered with officers, emergency personnel and news reporters.) News Repoter (man): Up until a few hours ago, this was considered one of the safest neighborhoods in Las Vegas. But with the discovery of six young women brutally slain in their beds ... (Nearer the house inside the taped-off area, Brass talks with Jonathan Alaniz, Becca's musician boyfriend.) Jonathan Alaniz: I got here at 3:45. I've been dating Becca about a month. When I saw all that blood on the stairs, I just ... I just knew. Sofia: Jonathan, do you have a key to the house? Jonathan Alaniz: Becca gave it to me. I usually try to come over and say good night, but I was ... I was late. Had a couple clients in town. But I didn't need the key. Front door was open. Sofia: If we brought you some photos, would you be able to ID the girls for us? (He nods.) (Greg walks past them. An officer lifts up the tape for Greg to duck under. We STAY WITH Greg. He walks up to Brass and Sara waiting outside. There's a large scratch on Sara's left cheek. She has a jacket draped over her.) (Greg doesn't say anything and continues on to the house.) (We stay with Brass as he talks with Sara.) Brass: Look, I know this is tough, but did she give you anything? Sara: She told me her name. When I went into the room, she thought that I was him. Brass: Anything else? Sara: (shakes her head) It didn't make any sense. (Quick flash of: Sara holds Cammie.) Sara: Can you tell me your name? Cammie: Ca ... Cam ... Cammie. (Sara sits on the floor and holds Cammie.) Sara: Cammie, I'm Sara. Who did this to you, Cammie? Cammie: Mm-an.... mm-an. Sara: The man, what did he look like? Cammie: Poor w ... Poor wine ... (Sara shakes her head. It makes no sense to her.) Cammie: Breast ... Breast ... knife ... Sara: He-he stabbed you in the chest? (Cammie grunts and shakes her head.) Cammie: No. Sara: (shouts) I need some help here! Cammie: Bye ... Fin ... (And Cammie dies.) Sara: No, no. No. END OF FLASHBACK [INT. SHOWGIRL HEAVEN RESIDENCE - STAIRS - NIGHT] (Nick snaps photos of the bloodied shoe print on the stairs.) (Greg walks in and starts climbing the stairs.) Nick: Looks like he was about a size 11. (Greg stops and looks at Nick.) Greg: You been up there yet? (Nick looks at Greg and raises his eyebrows. Greg nods back. Greg continues up the stairs, around Nick's shoe prints.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SHOWGIRL HEAVEN - BEDROOM 2 - NIGHT] (As David Phillips reports, Grissom tries to take a photo of the window while holding the ALS in his hand.) David Phillips: I've been through all the bedrooms. She's the last. Rebecca Mayford. Boyfriend ID'd her. Neck's clean. The other five victims' throats were transected. There are at least a dozen stab wounds to the chest and abdomen. Grissom: Yeah. He took his time with her. The others were killed efficiently. David Phillips: Liver temp is 95.6. Been dead at least two hours, which is consistent with four of the five other victims. (CAMERA POV: Grissom finds footprints on the window and is taking a photo of them.) Grissom: David, don't move any of the bodies just yet, okay? David Phillips: You got it. (David leaves the room. Greg walks in.) David Phillips: (to Greg) Hey. Greg: What did you find? Grissom: Partial footprint. Whoever kicked in this window was barefoot. Greg: She's wearing socks. Grissom: Yeah, but some of the others weren't. Greg: Means one of them must have been in here at some point. (Greg looks at the photos in the bedroom.) Greg: I don't think this was her room. (Grissom looks around.) Grissom: What else? Greg: Looks like the bindings were cut from the sheets. (Quick flash of: The killer rips the sheets. End of flash.) Greg: It takes at least a few minutes to cut up a sheet. Grissom: I think when he came to this house, he was unprepared. He had to use things that were already here. They say a disorganized killer is apt to obtain his victims by chance. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SHOWGIRL HEAVEN - BEDROOM 1 - NIGHT] (Warrick is gathering evidence from the body on the bed.) Grissom: (V.O.) Luck of the draw. (He puts it in a bindle. Catherine walks in. She stops in front of the body on the floor.) Catherine: Busy night. (Warrick stops gathering evidence as he pauses to really look at the face of the girl on the bed.) Warrick: She looks so familiar. Catherine: When I first started doing this, everybody I worked on reminded me of someone. (Warrick stands up.) Catherine: Somehow, we all get past it. Warrick: I'm not so sure that's a good thing. (Catherine heads for the bathroom.) Catherine: I'll start with the bathroom. [INT. SHOWGIRL HEAVEN - SECOND FLOOR BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Catherine walks in. There are photos tucked in the mirror frame and a long-white feather boa draped on a second wall mirror.) (Two evidence markers are near two shoe prints leading up to the bathroom sink.) (Catherine looks at the spilled powder on the counter. There are impressions in the powder. She snaps several photos.) (In the trash bin she finds a bloodied paper towel. She snaps photos of it, then picks it up and puts it in a paper package. She puts the evidence package on the side.) (She snaps more photos of the tissues in the trash bin and bags them.) (There are many paper evidence bags on the side.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SHOWGIRL HEAVEN - BEDROOM 1 - NIGHT] (Grissom finds a picture of Becca.) Grissom: The girl in this picture is the victim from my room. (He picks up the picture and the recording in the bear activates.) (Warrick looks up.) Jonathan Alaniz's Voice: (recorded) Becca, I'm so crazy about you. I just wanted to tell you happy three-week anniversary! You're awesome! And I love you bear-y much. (chuckles) Warrick: Sounds like Becca was still a kid. (Grissom puts the photo back on the shelf. He looks at another set of photos of Becca in her showgirl costume.) Grissom: Yeah. Well, not when she was onstage. Warrick: So, Grissom, I found beige carpet fibers on all three victims. It's consistent with the hallway carpet. I've also found rug burns on their knees. (ZOOM for CU of the abrasions on one of the victim's knees and the carpet fibers caught inside.) [INT. SHOWGIRL HEAVEN - HALLWAY- NIGHT] (Grissom and Warrick walk outside the bedroom. They follow the bloodied shoe prints on the carpet.) (They follow the shoe prints to the second bedroom.) [INT. SHOWGIRL HEAVEN - BEDROOM 2 - CONTINUOUS] (They look inside where the sheets have been pulled off the beddings.) Grissom: Killer herded them all into here. He used the sheets from that bed to tie them up, then dragged them all down the hallways to the other two bedrooms to kill them. (Quick flashback to: The killer ties the girls up.) (CUT TO: The killer grabs the girls down the hallway.) (CUT TO: The girls are dead on the bed.) (End of flashback.) Warrick: What about Becca? Why wasn't she dragged somewhere else? Grissom: Maybe he wanted to get her alone. Maybe she excited him ... or pissed him off. Either way, he was brutal with her. She was the messiest kill. (Catherine walks into the room.) Catherine: He had a gun. I found grip and slide impressions in some powder on the bathroom counter. Warrick: Well, a gun is one good way for crowd control. Why didn't he just shoot them? Catherine: Noise factor? You can't scream once your throat's been slit. Grissom: Yeah. He had all the time he needed 'cause the neighbors couldn't hear a thing. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SHOWGIRL HEAVEN - BACKYARD - NIGHT] (Sara walks around the side to the back of the house. She sees a porch chair jammed under the back door knob.) (Sara puts her kit down and snaps several photos of the chair. She dusts the chair arm rests for prints and finds several.) (Quick flash of: SOMEONE jams the chair under the knob. End of flash.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. SHOWGIRL HEAVEN - KITCHEN - DAY] (Nick snaps pictures of the photos pinned to the bulletin board in the kitchen. He pauses a moment to really look at the faces of the women who lived in the house. He continues to take photos.) (He stops when the back door opens.) (Sara opens the door and nods to him. She walks into the house, closing the door behind her.) Sara: He used a chair to jam this door. Nick: I heard about what happened. You okay? Sara: I'm fine. Nick: There's a custom-made label on a wine bottle over there. (Nick points to the wine bottle on the kitchen floor. Sara kneels down and reads the label.) Sara: "Love, Lewis." (Quick flash of: Sara holds Cammie.) Sara: Who did this to you, Cammie? Cammie: Mm-an .... mm-an. Sara: The man. What did he look like? Cammie: Poor w ... Poor wine. (End of flashback.) (Sara looks at Nick.) Sara: Cammie said something. "Poor wine." Maybe it had something to do with this bottle. (She looks at the bottle.) Sara: "Poor wine." Nick: Maybe he forced wine down her throat. Tox will tell us. (Sara puts the wine bottle down on the floor and looks around. Nick watches her.) Nick: It was good that you were there for her, Sara. She didn't have to die alone. Sara: We usually show up too late to meet the victim. (Nick nods and turns his attention back to the bulletin board. We hold on Sara.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROAD - DAY] (A red Chrysler is parked on the side of the road, license #011-SUZ. As we move in closer to the car, we hear the radio on.) Reporter: (from radio) Police have confirmed there are a total of six victims in the Green Valley showgirl murders. The names have not yet been released pending individual identification and notification of their families. (The driver sits, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.) Reporter: (from radio) According to police sources, there are no suspects at this time. LVPD has asked anyone with any information to call the following hotline number: 702-555-0132. (The killer takes a drink from a flask. He hangs his hand outside his open window, his finger drumming against the side of his car.) Reporter: (from radio) Again, that number ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Five bodies are on gurneys against the hallway walls. David Phillips and another coroner take notes and fill out a clipboard.) (We continue through the wall and into - [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Inside the room, Sara works on one of the bodies. She carefully snips off the sheet tying the girl's wrists together. She removes the sheet and puts it in an evidence package.) (On another table, David Phillips snaps photos of another showgirl's mouth. He puts the camera down and removes a ball of bloodied sheet stuffed in her mouth. He puts the sheet in an evidence package.) (CUT TO: David Phillips washes the neck wound on one of the girls.) (On the other table, Sara washes the wounds off another blonde-haired girl. Her showgirl make-up is still on, enhancing her blank, glassy stare.) (CUT TO: Sara snaps photos.) (CUT TO: Sara scrapes under the girl's nails.) (We linger on the dead girl's blank, glassy eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins and Sara go over the findings of all the bodies. The bodies are lined up next to each other in the large room.) Robbins: All six victims had ligature marks on their ankles and wrists. Jenn Smith was the only one with rib fractures. She took some abuse. Except for Becca Mayford, COD was exsanguination through incised wounds to the neck with a sharp-edged instrument. Sara: How did Cammie Brookston survive until we got there? Robbins: Well, in her case, there was only a partial transection of the jugular. Shallower cut, slower bleed. Sara: I found her at least two hours after the attacks. Robbins: She must've applied pressure to her wound. That would've bought her some time. Sara: So if we'd have found her sooner, she would still be alive. Robbins: Sara, there's nothing you could've done. (Sara is quiet. Robbins continues.) Robbins: Well, she has a C-section uterine scar. Hairline, almost invisible. Sara: She has a child. Robbins: Well, she gave birth some time ago. Sara: Any signs of sexual assault? Robbins: Not with Cammie. I found semen in the vaginas of Emily Wilson and Lauren Walderson. Both had mild reddening and some superficial abrasion at the vaginal introitus. They could have had consensual s*x in the hours prior to the attack. This young lady was raped. (He turns to the body on the table set aside.) Robbins: Rebecca Mayford had lacerations at three o'clock. Contusions extended from four to eight and ten to twelve. Sara: Any semen? Robbins: No. But, uh, look at these puncture wounds. Stab wounds have a large cutting component to the margins. Several of these stabs have additional tracks through the organ, suggesting a partial withdrawal and re-thrust of the blade. Sara: Is that everything then? Robbins: Not quite. He left something behind. (Robbins points to the film on the viewbox.) Sara: The tip of the knife. (Quick CGI XCU of: The knife inserted through the flesh, hitting the bone and the tip breaking off. End of CGI.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY] (Grissom is on the phone.) Grissom: (to phone) Yes, sir, I understand that, but, uh, we're still analyzing the evidence. As soon as we have something to report, we'll report it. Okay. (He hangs up. Catherine is sitting in the seat opposite his desk.) Catherine: I may have something for you to feed to the monster. (Catherine hands him the results.) An attack order based on the blood evidence. In the bathroom trash, I found six bloody paper towels. Wendy ran the DNA. Each towel has blood from only one victim. Grissom: Bottom of the pile -- first victim, top of the pile-- last. Catherine: And the pattern on each is consistent with the knife being wiped off. I think that the killer cleaned off the knife after each kill. (Quick flash of: The victims: Catherine: (V.O.) First was Emily ... (The killer wipes the knife in the bathroom.) (Lauren is on the bed.) Catherine: (V.O.) -- then Lauren ... (The killer wipes the knife again and tosses the paper towel in the trash.) (End of flash.) Grissom: Both found in Warrick's bedroom. Catherine: Libby was next. Grissom: She was found dead in Sara's bedroom. Catherine: Then Cammie was attacked, followed by Jennifer. Grissom: She was found on the floor in Warrick's bedroom. There's no logic to any of this. Catherine: But you were right--Becca was attacked last. It was all of her blood that was tracked throughout the house. (Quick flash of: The killer steps in the blood -- Catherine: (V.O.) He stepped in her blood, walks into the bathroom to clean off the knife, back out into the hallway, down the stairs. (End of flash.) Grissom: But why would he clean off the knife between victims? Catherine: To maintain control. I see a clean knife, I think that the others are still alive and ... I'm more compliant. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY] (Hodges is on the phone.) Sara's Voice: (from phone) This is Sara Sidle. Leave a message after the tone. (The machine beeps.) Hodges: (to phone) Sara, the knife tip Doc Robbins extracted from Becca Mayford isn't metal, it's ceramic ... and extremely sharp. I accept your thank you in advance and you're welcome. (Hodges hangs up. He puts his goggles on, then picks up the ALS to start checking the victim's clothes out on the table.) (Someone's phone buzzes.) (Hodges sees the phone in the evidence bag and puts the ALS down. He removes his goggles and picks up the phone. The CALLER ID reads: MOM.) (Hodges answers the phone.) Hodges: (to phone) Hello? Uh, no, ma'am, Libby's not here. My name is David Hodges. I work for the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Well, ma'am, uh ... I can't really say ... but I can give you the number of someone who can. (Hodges glances down at the heart-shaped necklace in the evidence bag.) Hodges: (to phone) Did your daughter Libby wear a heart-shaped necklace? (Hodges stops and sits down.) Hodges: (to phone) Y-Y-Yes, yeah, I-I'm still here. Uh, ma'am ... I don't know quite how to say this, but, um ... I'm afraid I have some bad news. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Sara and Greg are on the move as Greg reports his findings to Sara.) Sara: I matched Jenn Smith's footprints with a partial Grissom lifted from that broken window. Sara: According to Catherine's attack order, Cammie was stabbed first and then Jenn. He didn't get sloppy with Cammie; he got distracted. Greg: So he was with Cammie when Jenn tried to escape. (Quick flash of: Jenn is on the bed trying to kick out the window.) (The killer hears her and enters the room. He drags her off the bed and kicks her on the floor.) (End of flash.) Sara: Which explains Jenn's fractures. He kicked the crap out of her. Greg: He must have gone to the bathroom, cleaned off the knife, then dragged Jenn down the hallway to kill her. Sara: He never went back to check on Cammie. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY] (Archie has a LAS VEGAS GLOBE article on the monitor. The headline reads: SHOWGIRL MANOR: SIX GIRLS, ONE LOCK. The subheadline reads, "Living the Dream," by Lewis Greyburg.) Warrick: Six girls, one lock. Archie: I ran the names of all the victims. This article's the only common link. Warrick: "They pooled their money and lived the dream in style." Archie: This could definitely bait a killer. The only thing missing from this is their address. Warrick: Well, it says "Green Valley," it's got a photo of the house. If you looked hard enough, you could find it. Archie: Lewis Greyburg wrote the article. Warrick: "Lewis" is the name on a custom wine label that we found at the crime scene. Do me a favor. Could you zoom in on that photo? (Archie zooms in and Warrick recognizes one of the girls.) Warrick: Oh, my God. I knew I recognized her. Emily Wilson. Archie: Figures you'd know a showgirl. Take it you've seen her dance, then, huh? Warrick: No, last time I saw her, she was still wearing braces. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. STREET - DAY] (A kid on a bicycle rides by. Warrick leans against his car parked on the side of the road, looking at the house across the street.) (The front door opens and Warrick straightens as he sees Mary Wilson exit the house carrying a garbage bag. He walks over to her.) Mary Wilson: Warrick Brown. I remember you standing on my steps with those guilty green eyes, afraid to come in because you knew your grandma would size you up no matter what kind of trouble you got into. Warrick: I don't remember any trouble. Mary Wilson: Like when you were 13 years old and you took her new Buick out for a spin. Warrick: Oh, and I banged the bumper trying to parallel park. I forgot about that one. Mary Wilson: Mm-hmm. I haven't seen you since your grandma passed. Warrick: Yeah, the old neighborhood reminds me how much I miss her. (They walk. Warrick takes the garbage bag from her.) Mary Wilson: So why you here? Warrick: I came to see you. Mary Wilson: Oh. Warrick: Let me take that for you. New family painted right over my history. Mary Wilson: That's 'cause they're making their own history. (He throws the trash away for her.) Mary Wilson: You know, my daughter Chelsea died last August. Warrick: Oh, God. Mary Wilson: Mm-hmm. Lung cancer. She never smoked a day in her life, but her sorry husband did. He's healthy as an ox. Warrick: (interrupts) Mrs. Wilson ... Mrs. Wilson: You were always interrupting your grandma. But-but she liked that. That's because you were thinking, she said. Oh, she was proud of you. You remember my little granddaughter, Emily. The next time you drive up the Strip, you, you going to see her little buns in lights 'cause she's a dancer now. Uh-huh. Warrick: Um ... Mary Wilson: What, what, what, what? Warrick: I'm working this case. Those six showgirls ... Mary Wilson: The ones in the news? Warrick: Emily listed you as the next of kin. Mary Wilson: No. No. Oh, oh, please, God ... (screams) No! (Warrick holds her as she cries.) Warrick: I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Mary Wilson: Oh ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRIP WIRE BAR - DAY] (Brass is on the television monitor at a televised police conference.) Brass: (from tv) We're pursuing a number of leads based on evidence gathered at the scene. Now, we believe that our suspect targeted one individual in particular and that's where the investigation is focused. (The killer is at a bar having a drink.) Brass: (from tv) Look, look, we have every available police officer out looking for him. (He puts his glass down on the counter and drums his fingers against the bar.) Brass: (from tv) He can run, but he can't hide. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Nick and Sara interview Mr. Greyburg. Sara puts the photos out on the table between them.) Nick: So, Mr. Greyburg, you don't want a lawyer? Lewis Greyburg: Why would I need a lawyer? I sent the wine over to express my gratitude for their cooperation on the article. Nick: How did you get to know them? Lewis Greyburg: I followed them around for a week as part of my research. They were nice kids ... uh, with big hearts. Sara: It's an airhead piece. Lewis Greyburg: My editor gave me an angle, I ran with it. But those girls raised $12,000 for a fellow showgirl with breast cancer. They organized their own walk-a-thon. They gave out swag bags, kitchen stuff. Sara: What kind of kitchen stuff? Lewis Greyburg: Uh ... cutting board, juicer, kitchen knife. (Something he says triggers a memory in Sara.) (Quick flash of: Cammie struggles to talk.) Cammie: Breast ... breast. .. Sara: He stabbed you in the chest? Cammie: No! (End of flash.) (Sara stares out in front of her. Nick notices her.) Nick: Sara. Sara: What did the knife look like? Lewis Greyburg: It had a purple handle embossed with the name of their friend and the date. It was ceramic. Nick: Killer shoes. There were multiple shoe impressions in blood at the house, looked just like those. Lewis Greyburg: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, I didn't kill those girls. Sara: Where were you last night, Mr. Greyburg? Lewis Greyburg: I was at home alone working on my novel. Nick: Prove it. We'll take your little ceramic knife, give us your shoes, and we'll take a sample of your DNA. Lewis Greyburg: You can have whatever you want. (to Sara) Just stop looking at me that way. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (Nick takes prints off Greyburg's shoes. He compares the two prints.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY] (Greg walks in to report results to Grissom.) Greg: Wendy swabbed the ligatures cut from the sheet for epithelials. Each knot had one DNA source on it--female, but not from the victim who was tied up. Grissom: So he forced them to tie each other up. (Quick flash of: [BEDROOM] The killer holds his gun against one of the girls' heads as someone ties up another girl.) Killer: Tighter! Girl: Please don't make me do this. (End of flash.) Grissom: Thanks. Greg: It was all Wendy. (Greg starts to leave.) Grissom: Hey, Greg. The, uh, civil suit that was filed by the Demitrius James family, DA decided not to go to trial. So the city's agreed to a payout; $2.5 million. Greg: $2.5 million? That's like saying I'm the guilty one. Grissom: It's just political pragmatism. City wants to cut their losses. Greg: So they did throw me under the bus. Grissom: Comes with the job. (Greg turns and leaves. Grissom watches him go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY] (Hodges has the knife tip on the monitor, as he reports his findings to Sara.) Hodges: Ran a laser ablation on the knife tip from Becca's spine. Zirconium oxide, otherwise known as ceramic. Basically, ceramic is glass. Both the exemplar that you got from the reporter and the murder weapon have the same composition, color, texture and thickness. Sara: The killer could have gotten the knife from a swag bag at the walk-a-thon. Either that or he could have gotten it from the house. Hodges: You find me the broken knife, and I'll match the tip. (Sara watches Hodges.) Sara: What's wrong with you? Hodges: Nothing. (Sara turns to leave. Hodges stops her by the door.) Hodges: You ever do the right thing and still feel guilty about it? Sara: Yeah. Sucks, doesn't it? Hodges: Yeah. (Sara turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY] (Mandy Webster shares her findings with Nick.) Mandy Webster: So I lifted two sets of prints from the wine bottle, but there's no match to any of the victims. Nick: Any hits? Mandy Webster: One set was smudges. I'm guessing whoever they belonged to works with their hands. You know, calloused, cut. The other set came back to a Chris Mullins. His work card's in the system. He's a musician at the Legs show where all the girls danced. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MULLINS' RESIDENCE - DAY] (Brass exits the residence and heads for Sara and Nick waiting outside. Officers are around the area.) Brass: Well, there's a cold brewski on the table. We must have just missed him. (Officer Mitchell catches up with Brass.) Officer Mitchell: Captain? Brass: Yeah, what? Officer Mitchell: Neighbor gave this guy up. Mullins hangs out at a bar right down the street. Brass: All right, we'll check it out. But first we're going to lose the radio cars. Post an unmarked. I'm going to put a broadcast out on his vehicle. He's gotta come home sometime. (to radio) Control, this is 2-0-3 Charlie, Captain Brass. Control: (over radio): Go ahead, Captain. (Just then, two officer cars with their sirens wailing, turn the corner and speed off in front of them.) Nick: Whoo! Did you call for backup? Brass: (to radio) Look, uh, two squad cars just passed rolling Code Three. I'm at 562 Herrick Drive. Where are they en route to? Control: (over radio): Units are responding to a 415 Baker in progress outside the Trip Wire Bar. Person down, suspect possibly still in location. Brass: (to radio) All right, copy that. I'm headed to the 415B location. Sara: Assault with a deadly weapon? Nick: Feeling lucky? (They all head off in that direction.) [EXT. TRIP WIRE BAR - DAY] (Sofia and the paramedic are with the injured victim, Marlon Frost.) Paramedic: Sir, could you move your hand, please? Please? Thank you. (Brass, Sara and Nick turn the corner.) Brass: Hey, what do you got? Sofia: Marlon Frost, out of state. Bar patron found him. Brass: Anyone see the suspect? Sofia: Mm-mm, no witnesses. Brass: Okay, I'm going inside. Chris Mullins hangs out here. Somebody's got to know something. Sara: Incise wound to the neck? Sofia: Yeah. Seems to be flavor of the week. Sara: Did he say anything? Sofia: I don't think he can. (Sara watches as the paramedics put Marlon Frost on the gurney.) Nick: (o.s.) Hey, Sara? (Sara turns.) Nick: Got a knife over here. (Sara and Nick look at the bloodied knife.) Nick: Tip's broken off. That's probably going to be the murder weapon right there. (Quick flash of: [BEDROOM] The killer raises the ceramic knife as Becca struggles on the bed.) (She whimpers as he stabs her. When he raises the ceramic knife again, the tip is broken off. End of flash.) Nick: And it matches the one from the swag bag. (The label on the knife reads: TAWNIA'S RUN FEBRUARY 18, 2007 ) Sara: Crime scene's only a couple blocks from here. I'm going to go with the vic. I'm going to collect his clothes. (Sara stands up. Nick stands up with her.) Nick: You sure that's really such a good idea? (Sara runs to the ambulance.) Sara: (to the paramedics) Hold up! I'm coming with you. (Nick watches her go and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. AMBULANCE (MOVING) - DAY] (Sara holds Marlon Frost's hand.) Sara: My name is Sara. Just hold on. You're going to be fine. (Quick flash of: Sara holds Cammie's hand. End of flash.) Sara: Do you know who did this to you? (Marlon looks at Sara. Sara holds his hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. TRIP WIRE BAR - DAY] (Brass questions the bartender.) Brass: You see this guy? Marlon Frost? He was just stabbed in the parking lot. Bartender: Yeah, I seen him around last couple of days. Friendly enough. Brass: What, did he get into an argument or something here? Bartender: It's not that type of place. Brass: Yeah, right. (Brass shows him the NON-GAMING PERMIT for CHRIS MULLINS.) Brass: Uh, how about this guy? You see him? Chris Mullins? Bartender: Yeah, he's a regular of mine. A-lister with the ladies, you know. Brass: Has he been in lately? Bartender: Why don't you check in the back? Brass: (nods) Great. (Brass heads for the back. Chris Mullins exits from the bathrooms.) Brass: Chris Mullins? Chris Mullins: Yeah? Brass: I hope you washed your hands. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass interviews Chris Mullins.) Chris Mullins: I didn't stab that guy, I didn't kill those girls. I will cop to drinking their wine. Brass: So you're in the house the night of the murders. Chris Mullins: I'd been messing around with Lauren since last weekend. Brass: You know, you don't seem too upset that she's dead. How come your fingerprints are in every single room of the house? Chris Mullins: It's kind of an inside joke. We did it in all her roommates' beds just to see if they noticed. Brass: But you're only having s*x with Lauren, right? Chris Mullins: She was a good place to put it till something better came along. Brass: I guess that's funny to somebody. But when we get a warrant for your DNA and match it to the semen we found in Lauren and Emily, the joke is going to be on you, pal. Chris Mullins: I was supposed to meet Lauren after her last show. She was late. Emily was home. Brass: And you couldn't help yourself, right, stud? Chris Mullins: Girl politics. One wants what the other has. Why not give it? Brass: So I guess when Lauren came home, you gave it to her, too. Is that right, Santa? And what about Becca? Chris Mullins: Was she blonde? I didn't meet all the roommates. Brass: Boy, you have an answer for everything, huh? What about the guy in the bar? What about him, what did he do, look at you the wrong way, bum a smoke? Or did he want you to give it to him, too? Chris Mullins: You know what? Lawyer. Now. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (Grissom, Warrick, Catherine and Nick meet.) Warrick: Well, DNA confirmed that Mullins had s*x with Emily and Lauren. Assuming he's the killer, why didn't we find any semen in Becca? Catherine: Maybe by the time he got to her, he was unable to ejaculate. Nick: I was able to make a physical match between the broken tip in Becca and the knife recovered from outside the bar. Grissom: Was the same knife used to stab Marlon Frost? Nick: We don't know yet. Sara's at the hospital now -- she's bringing back a DNA sample to compare. Warrick: Whoever ... shanked Frost killed those girls. Catherine: Did you get any prints on that knife? Nick: Yeah. No ridge detail. Same smudges were found on the wine bottles and in the bedrooms. Grissom: Smudges won't put the knife in Mullins' hands, though. Warrick: I don't get it. He stabs the guy and walks back in the bar. Grissom: All the evidence at the house suggests that the killer was unfamiliar with the layout. Catherine: And by his own admission, Mullins had been in that house at least a couple of nights. Warrick: Well, that's also how he could've made the connection to Becca. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - MARLON'S ROOM - DAY] (Sara snaps photos of Marlon Frost's wounds.) Sara: Mr. Frost, I'll be out of your way soon. I'm sure you want to get some sleep. (Sara turns to get the ink and paper.) Sara: I just need to get your fingerprints. It's routine. I promise it won't hurt. (She takes his prints. He watches her.) (She notices the smudges on his fingertips. When she finishes printing him, she turns his hands over to look at his fingertips. The skin is callused.) (She turns and looks at Marlon Frost. He stares back at her.) (Suddenly, he grabs her hard with both hands. Sara tries to get away.) Sara: (grunting) Get off me! Get off me! (She frees herself from him. In the struggle, his gown slips off his shoulders, revealing a large discoloration - a birthmark.) (Quick flash to: [BEDROOM] Cammie sees the birthmark on Marlon Frost's shoulder as he cuts her neck. There's a noise from the other room and he gets up to check it out, leaving her on the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] Cammie: Port... port wine... port wine. (End of flashback.) [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Sara reports her findings to Grissom.) Sara: He has a vascular birthmark, a port wine stain, on his upper chest -- that's what Cammie was trying to tell me. We can get DNA off his bloody clothes, but we have no blood or semen at the scene to compare it to. His prints are useless -- they're all calluses. They only leave smudges, like the kind we found on the broken knife. I think the b*st*rd tried to kill himself. Grissom: Sara, slow down. Frost isn't going anywhere. Sara: I am going to nail this son of a bitch, and I don't want him to think for a single second that he is going to get away with this. Grissom: Okay, one step at a time. Sara: Frost smelled like alcohol when they took him into the ER so they ran a tox. His BAC came back .34 -- only a chronic alcoholic can function at those levels. You know what I think? I think he polished off the wine at the scene straight from the bottle. Grissom: So his DNA should be on it. [SCENE_BREAK] [DNA RESULTS] (The DNA results are a MATCH.) (The suspect is ID'd as DAVID MARLON.) (The view REFOCUSES, revealing Sara's reflection in the monitor.) Brass: (from conference) The suspect's name is David Marlon. M-A-R-L-O-N. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass is talking with the press.) Brass: (from conference) Also known as Marlon Frost. Released from California State Penitentiary where he served time for sexual assault. Mr. Marlon is also wanted in the questioning of the assault of an elderly woman in North Lake Tahoe one week ago. We believe he stole her vehicle and then fled to Las Vegas. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (Nick and Sara are in the garage with the elderly woman's vehicle.) Nick: Where'd Brass find it? Sara: A block away from the bar. Guy didn't even bother to switch plates. Nick: Smart. (Nick opens the trunk and looks at Sara. He snaps photos of the garbage bags in the back.) (CUT TO: Nick and Sara open the garbage bags and find various articles inside.) Nick: Whoa. One, two ... three, four, five, six.. . ladies' handbags. (He opens one and finds REBECCA MAYFORD's driver's license inside.) Nick: Rebecca Mayford. Becca. (He finds nicotine gum.) Nick: Mm. Looks like she was trying to quit smoking. (He also finds a pack of cigarettes.) Nick: And failing. Miserably. (He opens the cigarette pack and checks it.) Nick: There is only one missing. (He puts the cigarettes aside and looks in the wallet. He finds a receipt.) Nick: Here we go. Bought at the Trip Wire Bar at 12:48 a.m. same night as the murders. Sara: That's where Marlon and Becca crossed paths. (Quick flash to: [TRIP WIRE BAR - NIGHT] The bartender puts a pack of cigarettes on the bar for Becca. She smiles. Marlon sits at the other end of the bar and watches her.) Bartender: There you go. Becca: Appreciate it. Bye. (She leaves the bar. Marlon watches her leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Becca is walking home. Marlon follows her.) (End of flash.) (Sara continues to search through the clothes. She finds a gun.) Sara: I got a gun. (Sara picks it up.) Sara: It's plastic. It's a toy. Nick: Looks real to me. Imagine if you're petrified. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - ROOM - DAY] (Sara is looking at photos of a baby. Corey Archfield sits at the table.) Corey Archfield: How'd you find me? Sara: Cammie had these in her wallet. We tracked you from the birth certificate. She's a cutie. What's her name? Corey Archfield: Fin. After Cammie's grandmother. But her adoptive parents call her Annabelle. Sara: She kept in touch with them? Corey Archfield: They're pretty cool. We didn't have contact, but ... they would send Cammie a photo every year on Fin's birthday. And every year, Cammie and I would get together, have a beer, look at it. Biggest regret of my life is not marrying Cammie and raising Fin together. I wanted to, but ... she said we were too young. Maybe if we had ... Sara: (interrupts) Corey ... you can't blame yourself. Corey Archfield: Were you with her when she died? (Sara nods.) Corey Archfield: At least Cammie died knowing kindness. (Quick flash of: Cammie struggles to breathe.) Sara: Stay with me, Cammie. Cammie: Bye ... Fin ... (Cammie gasps and her eyes grow blank.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - MARLON'S ROOM - DAY] (Marlon talks with Brass.) David Marlon: I watched the life go out of their eyes. Um, life drains. That's ... that's how you can tell they're dead. They have, uh, empty eyes. Brass: That's not what I asked you. What I asked you was, why did you kill them? David Marlon: I saw this girl I liked at the bar. (Quick flash of: Becca smiling at the bartender at the bar. End of flash.) David Marlon: I followed her home. I knew she wanted to party. I chose her. Girls act ... sometimes like they don't want what they want ... because they want you to take it. They like that. But this girl ... she was flirting with me. (Quick flash of: Becca smiling at the bartender at the bar. End of flash.) David Marlon: And I ... I just gave her the party of her life. Brass: You know, there's something I don't understand, Marlon. Why are you smiling? You feel good about this? David Marlon: I don't feel anything. Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAKROOM - NIGHT] (The news report is on the monitor.) Reporter: (on TV) Las Vegas PD has confirmed that David Marlon confessed earlier today to the murders of the six Green Valley showgirls. (Grissom and Sara watch the report.) Reporter: (on TV) He was found within a block of the crime scene in an apparent suicide attempt. I've just been informed ... (The report continues in the background.) Reporter: (b.g. on TV) ... has confirmed the names of the six victims. They are Cammie ... Libby Cooperson 22, Becca Mayfield, 20 ... Sara: I held his hand. (Sara is crying. She glances back at Grissom, who is standing just behind her.) Sara: Just like I held hers. I lost perspective. (Grissom wipes the tear off her cheek. Sara turns and looks at Grissom.) Reporter: (b.g. on TV) ... Lauren Walderson 21 and Emily Wilson, 19. Their families have organized a candlelight vigil that will begin here tonight. (He looks at her. She nods.) [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (With his arm around her, they walk out the hallway and turn the corner out of view.) (In the back of the hallway, a janitor mops the floor. And we --
Plan: A: Six showgirls; Q: How many women are murdered in the rented house? A: Sara; Q: Who is haunted by the dying words of the last victim? A: Sara's arms; Q: Where did the last victim die? A: The investigation; Q: What reveals that the women's necks were slashed with a knife? A: Warrick; Q: Who believes he knows one of the victims? A: Greg; Q: Who gets information from Grissom about the civil suit filed against him? Summary: Six showgirls are murdered in their rented house and Sara is haunted by the dying words of the last victim, as she dies in Sara's arms. The investigation reveals the women's necks were slashed with a knife and that Warrick believes he knows one of the victims. Also, Greg gets some disturbing information from Grissom about the civil suit filed against him.
(Meredith's house, where Izzie is dumping a frozen turkey into the kitchen sink. She's getting recipe's and books out in preparation for cooking Thanksgiving dinner) MVO: Gratitude, appreciation, giving thanks. No matter what words you use, it all means the same thing. Happy. (Meredith is dressed to go out sneaking down the stairs. She sneaks past the kitchen peeking quickly to see if Izzie is there) MVO: We're supposed to be happy. Grateful for friends, family, happy just to be alive... Izzie: Hey. (Meredith stops sneaking instantly and spins around. Izzie is standing right behind her with a recipe book) MVO: Whether we like it or not. Izzie: What do you think you're doing? (The doorbell rings) Meredith: Uh ... answering the door. (Izzie looks at what Meredith's carrying) Izzie: You're going to the hospital? Meredith: Yes but after ... Izzie (interrupts): Meredith everyone is supposed to be in the kitchen by 9am to help me make dinner. It's Thanksgiving. Meredith: I'm really not in the mood. Izzie: But it's like a family ... (Izzie is interrupted by the doorbell again) Meredith: Doorbell. (Meredith makes her way over to the door. She opens the door with a strange look on her face. An older man, who turns out to be George's Dad and his two brothers Ronny & Jerry are standing at the door) Mr. O'Malley: Is this where Georgie lives? Meredith: Georgie? Mr. O'Malley: O'Malley. Where is he, upstairs? Meredith: Oh George. Yeah. (They enter the house) Mr. O'Malley, Ronny, Jerry (yell): O'Malley! (They run up the stairs chanting O-Mall-ey O-Mall-ey) Izzie (to Meredith): Should I call the police? (She turns her gaze back up to the stairs. Meredith takes the opportunity to sneak out and closes the door. Izzie hears the sound and calls out) Izzie: Meredith I'm serious! You need to back here for dinner at 6! I mean it! (George is lying in his bed. He has his eyes closed and arms stretched out in the air. He's counting down softly. You can hear the O'Malley chants getting louder. His family opens up the door and yell) Mr. O'Malley, Ronny, Jerry: Happy Thanksgiving! (Ferryboat is sailing across Seattle harbor. Derek is on board with a cup of coffee. Addison is on there with him) Addison: Hey, you. I saw you from the window and...looked like you could use a wake up call. Derek: I thought you moved to a hotel closer to the hospital. You still at the Inn at Bainbridge? (She hands him the coffee) Thank You. Addison: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I had a thing for ferryboats. Derek: Always, you know, what the mocking. Addison: So um ... I was thinking that we could ... have s*x tonight. (Derek half chuckles I think slightly disconcerted by the idea) Addison: Look I know we're both gonna feel weird about it. It's the first time ... Derek: Since Mark. Addison: And Meredith. ... I have the day off. Do you have the day off? Derek: Just stop by the hospital. I have patients I need to check on. You have the day off what are you doing here? Addison (shrugs): Was thinking we could have s*x tonight. (Derek turns slightly at this) Come on I made a reservation at noon. I figured we could do the Thanksgiving thing you know and then ... I dunno, just rip the stitches. Get it over with. Derek: No anesthesia? Addison: Right. ... What do you think? Derek: Remember med school? We spent Thanksgiving studying for exams and eating really bad Chinese food instead of turkey. Addison: Yeah, too busy and too tired to even think about cooking. Derek: We never had to schedule s*x. Not once. Addison: Derek, I wanna get through this. I do. I want things to be normal again, like it used to be. So will you meet me at noon? Derek: Yeah, ok. I'll see you at noon. (Meredith is by herself getting ready in the staff locker room tying up her shoe laces. Bailey comes in) Bailey: Grey. We're working with a temp attending today. Dr. Kent. He's subbing in from Mercy West. We need to get him orientated. (She turns to walk out but turns back quickly) And thanking you for volunteering to come in. Saving me from having to choose an intern to torture. (She starts walking out and Meredith gets up and starts walking with her) Meredith: Happy to be tortured. Bailey: Not a fan of Thanksgiving? Meredith: Not a whole hell of a lot to be thankful for. (Bailey nods slightly. They start walking down a hallway together) Bailey: I like Thanksgiving. Day people spend with their families. Too much family time triggers depression, repressed childhood rage, bitter disputes over the remote and way too much alcohol. (They come to a stop in front of an elevator) People get stupid. People get violent. People get hurt. Meredith: And that's a good thing because? (The doors open and people walk off. They get on the elevator) Bailey: Surgeries Grey! Lots and lots of surgeries. Meredith: I never thought of that. Bailey: The stupidity of the human race, Grey. Be thankful for that. (Derek is walking down a hallway in the hospital still in his casual gear. He comes to the OR board where Richard is standing looking over it also dressed in casual wear) Derek: You're supposed to be at home. Richard: So are you. (Dr. Burke comes into the hall dressed in his blue scrubs) Burke: Ah best maze procedure I've ever done. Under an hour. Derek: I thought you had the day off. Burke: I did. I do. I'm leaving. I simply like to start my day cutting. Gives me a rush. (He starts walking off) Derek: Yeah admit it you can't function 10 feet away from the hospital. (Burke stops walking) Burke: Uh I notice you're both here. Derek: Well I'm here for an hour. Richard: I'm on my way home. Burke: Ah, say it like you mean it. (He chuckles and starts walking off again) Richard (to Derek, adamant): I know how to have a life outside this hospital. (Richard walks off and Derek heads the other way) Derek (chuckles): Yeah damn right you do. (Dr. Kent is standing in the middle of the hallway looking over some patient files. Bailey & Meredith walk up to him) Bailey: Dr. Kent? (He starts walking off. Bailey & Meredith follow him) Dr. Kent: Yes? Bailey: Uh I'm the surgical resident assisting you today. I know you're subbing in from Mercy West so if there's anything I can do to help ... Dr. Kent (stops walking & interrupts): Look, I'm here for one day. I don't need my ass kissed. All I need is to tell you what to do and you do it. And I don't like mistakes. (Meredith glances at Bailey for her reaction to this) Bailey (off put): I don't make mistakes. Dr. Kent: Whatever. There's only one resident I want in my OR. Guy they call the Nazi. Do you know him? (Bailey & Meredith glance at each other) Bailey: The, the Nazi? Dr. Kent: He gets great word of mouth. Stellar rep. Balls the size of Texas? Bailey (raises her eyebrows): That big? (Meredith looks at Bailey trying not to smile) Sounds like an impressively talented man this Nazi. Dr. Kent: Do you know him or not? Bailey: Never heard of him. (Meredith smiles at this) But I'll be sure to keep an eye out. Dr. Kent: For now you can work on smaller cases. A guy just came into curtain 3. Page me if you get confused. (He walks off) Bailey (calls out): I'll be sure to do that. (To Meredith): Like I said, the stupidity of the human race. (Meredith's house) (George is rushing down the stairs with his family) Mr. O'Malley: Hurry up Georgie! There's a turkey out there with your name on it. (He walks past the kitchen where Izzie is getting out utensils to start cooking. She sees George being whisked away) Izzie: Whoa, hey! (She runs into the main foyer entrance) Hey! Where are you going? (She grabs George by his jacket to stop him from leaving) Hey, where are you going? (His family waits at the door) George: Every year, my father, my brothers and I hunt, shoot and kill a helpless slow moving turkey. (Sarcastic) Isn't that great? Mr. O'Malley, Ronny, Jerry: O'Malley! (Ronny & Mr. O'Malley head out the door. Jerry comes forward, grabbing George to go with them) Izzie: Ok but what about dinner? Jerry: Oh we'll have him back as soon as he kills his first bird. Right this year Georgie becomes a man, right Georgie? George: It's George! Come on. (He moves to close the front door behind him) Izzie: Okay, wait, wait! I can't make dinner by myself. Who's going to help me? George (hisses): Who's going to help me? (Jerry has run back and grabs George to go with them. The door slams shut) (SGH) (Bailey & Meredith are pulling back Curtain 3 where a guy lies comatose on a bed. Nurse Olivia is already there with his chart) Olivia: Holden McKee brought in from Mayfield Nursing Home. Bailey: Mayfield? He's in the garden? (Olivia hands Bailey his chart) Meredith: Garden? Bailey: Vegetable. Olivia: Yeah his chart says he fell into a persistent vegetative state 16 years ago. (Dr. Bailey gets a confused look on his face as if to say why is he here then?) Meredith (now reading the chart): He was a firefighter. Injured by falling debris in the line of duty. Bailey: What brings him here today? Olivia: Fell from his bed while being turned by the orderlies. Insurance says he has to be checked out. (Bailey points to Meredith to check him out) Meredith: Temporal parietal scalp lace with associated hematoma. Bailey: What's your plan? Meredith: Irrigate and explore the wound. Repair the lac. He'll need a CT to rule out intra-cerebral hemorrhage, contusion or cerebral edema. (Bailey nods) Bailey: Go to it. Anybody asks I'm off looking for the Nazi. (She & Olivia leave) Meredith (to Holden): Ok, it's just me and you. (She starts to explore his head wound) I'd give anything for your kind of serenity. (To herself) Great. Now I'm jealous of vegetables. You just look so peaceful. (All of a sudden Holden opens his eyes and looks directly at Meredith. Meredith jumps back in alarm, letting out a small yell) (Meredith enters a trauma room where Dr. Bailey and several other ER doctors and nurses are tending to a patient) Meredith: Dr. Bailey? Bailey: This guy's got 3rd degree burns over here over half his body. Tried to deep fry a turkey. Of course he got drunk first. It's gonna be good, you want in? Meredith: My PVS case. He opened his eyes. And I think he was looking at me. (All the people in their chuckle except for Bailey) Bailey: He wasn't looking at you. Meredith: No, he was. (Dr. Kent comes to the door) Dr. Kent: Anything good? (Bailey gestures quietly to the E.R docs to hide the patient from Dr. Kent's view) Bailey: Uh nothing you want to waste time on. There are ah 13 patients that need sutures. Dr. Kent (points to Meredith): She's the intern. She can do the sutures. (Meredith gives him a look but he doesn't see) Bailey: Uh actually she's on her way to CT with a VIP patient on orders from the Nazi. Dr. Kent: Tell him I'm looking for him. (She nods slightly and he leaves) Bailey (to the ER docs): Ok, the burn unit is waiting for him. I'll meet in the O.R. (to Meredith) Grey, get a CT. Have neuro consult. But trust me he wasn't looking at you. (Meredith's Townhouse where Burke & Cristina who are both dressed very nicely talking. Cristina rings the doorbell) Cristina: Don't mention Shepherd. Or Montgomery-Shepherd. Burke: Ok. Cristina: Or the fact that Shepherd is with Montgomery-Shepherd. Burke: Ok. Cristina: Or anything having to do with syphilis. Burke (chuckles and rings the doorbell again): I've been in social situations before. Cristina: Yeah well not with me. Burke: Well, why are we here? Cristina: Just be nice or something. (Izzie opens the door wearing an apron. She doesn't see Dr. Burke who is not standing in front of the door directly) Izzie (agitated): It's half past 10! You're late! I've had to try to do all ... (She stops instantly when she sees Burke peering past the corner of the door and puts on an awkward fake smile) Izzie: Oh hi Dr. Burke. Hello. (He gives her a half-wave) Oh. (She moves to the side so Cristina & Burke can enter through the door. As Cristina is walking by Izzie, Izzie grabs her arm and pulls to talk closely with her. Burke walks in past them and looks around the foyer of the house) Cristina (whispers to Izzie): What was I supposed to do? Blow off my boyfriend for Thanksgiving? (Izzie gives her a look) I tried to. He wouldn't blow. He's like something sticky that won't blow off. Izzie (whispers back): Ok, he's gonna ruin Thanksgiving. Now what am I supposed to talk to Dr. Burke about? Burke (speaks up loudly and walks up to them): People who are shocked when I show up uninvited to their homes call me Preston. (Izzie lets out a forced half chuckle) Cristina: Nobody calls you Preston. Burke: You don't call me Preston. (To Izzie) Nice house. Izzie: Yeah. (Burke goes back to exploring. Izzie gets a cordless phone from her apron pocket and dials a number. You can hear the ringing) Cristina: Izzie why is it so quiet in here? Izzie: Uh Meredith went to the hospital and George is off shooting things with his family. Cristina (mortified): So it's just me, you and (she whispers) Preston? Izzie: And Alex when he shows up. Cristina: Oh great. Izzie (speaks into the phone): Hey Alex it's me, where are you? Ok. Call me back. (She hangs up the phone) Burke: Is something burning? Izzie: Oh god yes! (She runs off to the kitchen) (At the hospital, Derek is dressed in casual gear ready to go home. He walks up to Richard who is standing at a nurse's station) Derek: Hey Chief. Richard: I'm on my way home. Derek: Yeah me too. Was supposed to meet Addison twenty minutes ago. (Meredith walks up behind Derek just as he says this with Holden's file. Derek putting on his jacket turns and sees Meredith. He's a little put off) Meredith: Dr. Shepherd, you're leaving? Richard: Uh I'm also going home. Derek: Then go home. Richard: Adele's sister is in town. I hate that woman. Derek: The OR board needs to be checked one more time. Richard: It does, doesn't it? Excuse me. (He walks off) Derek: I didn't think you'd be here today. Meredith: Yeah well. ... I need a neuro consult. (She hands him the file) Holden McKee. PVS, 16 years. Derek (looks through the file): Well there's no bleed, there's no mass, no fracture. He can be discharged. Meredith: Well he opened his eyes when I was examining him. He opened his eyes. (Meredith hands Derek a pen to sign the file) Derek: Yeah that's normal. Certain reflexes are preserved. There's arousal but no awareness. Meredith (nods): But he was looking at me. Derek: He wasn't looking at you. Meredith: He was. Derek: The CT report says he wasn't. (He hands her back the file) Meredith: Do you wanna argue with what I know I saw? Derek (grabbing his case): No, Meredith. I don't wanna argue with you anymore. I gotta go, I'm late. (He starts walking off. Meredith is a little stunned by his behavior. He stops himself and walks back) Derek: He was looking at you? (They walk towards Holden's room) Derek: So, how are you? Meredith: I'm fine. How are you? Derek: Fine. Meredith: Good. Me and you are in this weird limbo. This is gonna go on forever, isn't it? Derek: I hope not, but I think so. Meredith: Yeah, me too. Derek: Yeah. Meredith: I moved Holden to a room on 4, so... Derek: You lead, I'll follow. Meredith: Ok. (Forest) (George, Mr. O'Malley, Ronny & Jerry are trekking through some wilderness. They're decked out in camouflage army wear, carrying guns and coolers) Ronny: '65 GTO. Jerry: '57 Bel-air convertible. Two-door. Mr. O'Malley: The GT 500. Now that was a car. Georgie pick a car. Come on. George: You do you realize that you can buy a turkey? At the market? They've got hundreds of them. You know all wrapped. They're ready to go. No ammo required. Mr. O'Malley: You'll be the one to shoot the turkey today. I can feel it. George: See that's the thing. I don't wanna shoot the turkey. Jerry: You say that every year! George: Well and every year I don't shoot the turkey. (Meredith's kitchen) (Izzie is on the phone again. Cristina is sitting on a high chair at the island. Burke is holding a pan that is smoking. He points to the pan) Burke: What is that? Izzie: It was supposed to be my marinade. (Speaks into the phone) Alex it's me again. Just wondering where you're at. (She hangs up) Burke (says as a statement): You've never made a Thanksgiving dinner before. (Izzie is quiet slightly nodding) Cristina (affronted): You can't cook! Izzie! Izzie (defensive): Well I'm a baker! I bake. But I've seen my grandmother cook a million times. (Dr. Burke shrugs off his coat and puts it in a nearby chair) Cristina: Okay that's it. If there's no food I'm going home. Burke: Cristina, Cristina, I have this. (To Izzie) What are you using as a reference text? Izzie (she gestures to a book on the island): 'The joy of cooking'. I also printed up some recipes from the internet but they all seem to contradict one another. (She wanders over to the sink) And I can't figure out which side of the turkey is up and which is the bottom. (Cristina moves to speak but Burke gestures her to be quiet. He walks over to the sink and washes his hands) Burke: Ok. Ok. Um. I'm gonna need the basing brush, a bowl, uh a clove of garlic (Izzie starts looking madly for the stuff) and ah do you have any fennel? Izzie: Uh yeah right here. (She brings the fennel to the sink. Burke rolls and cracks his neck. Izzie smiles excitedly. It's very reminiscent of a surgery) Burke: Ah ok, well let's get this turkey up and running Stevens. Garlic. (He holds at his hand) Izzie (she slaps the garlic into his hand): Garlic. (She grins broadly. She looks back at Cristina who looks anything but amused) Cristina (to herself): I'm gonna need liquor. Lots and lots of liquor. (Holden is lying unconscious in a patient room. Derek is standing on one side of the bed checking his eyes with a small flashlight. Meredith is standing on the other side of the bed watching) Derek: There's no sustained visual pursuit. You might have just seen him respond to some sort of external stimuli. He wasn't looking at you. I'm sorry. Meredith (leans in close over Holden): And I was sure he was. (Suddenly Holden's eyes dart towards Meredith) Look he just did it again. Derek: Mr. McKee can you follow the light? (He holds the flashlight above Holden's eyes moving it back and forth. Holden's eyes don't move) Derek: Can you hold up two fingers? (No movement again. Derek gives a look as to say see?) Meredith (looking at Derek): Well okay I know you're late for something ... (Derek notices Holden's eyes move towards Meredith) Derek (looking at Holden): Keep talking. Meredith: What? Derek (he gestures to his side): Walk over here. Meredith: What? Derek: Just keep walking. Talk. Meredith (walks over to the other side): Holden. Holden. Holden, can you hear me? Holden. (Holden's eyes move to where Meredith is standing) Derek (amazed): It's you. He's tracking you. He's following your voice. (Meredith nods slightly) (Meredith & Derek are looking at some x-ray scans of Holden in the x-ray room) Derek: Well that's why there's no mention of brain atrophy in the CT report. Cause there isn't any. Meredith: None? He's been PVS for 16 years. Derek: Well, he's not PVS. He's minimally conscious. Meredith: He's minimally conscious and no-one noticed? Derek: Had he been in a state of the art neural facility they'd have tested him but...He was in a regular nursing home so they just ... Meredith: ... missed it. Derek: Mmm. Meredith: He's been frozen. Sleeping for 16 years and they missed it. That sucks. Derek: There's one thing to be thankful for. Meredith: What? Derek: We might be able to wake him up. (Alex is studying in the empty hallway hangout area. He's listening some of the voicemails Izzie has left him) Izzie: Alex, its Izzie. If you're not coming you could have at least have the decency to call and tell me. (Alex shuts his phone frustrated and hits his back against the wall but continues to study) (George is on his mobile phone behind a tree while his brothers and father are a few feet away. He's on the phone to Cristina who's stuck townhouse searching for liquor but coming up empty handed. The scene alternates between the Townhouse and the Wilderness) George: I'm in hell. Cristina: I'm the one in hell. Burke's going all Iron Chef in your kitchen. Get your ass back here and save me. George: I'm in the woods with shotguns, and liquor and car talk. It's like deliverance out here. (George sees his brother's having a drinking contest) Cristina: Well at least you've got liquor. Where does Meredith keep the booze? George: Uh I don't think she has any. Cristina (mortified expression on her face): How's that possible? She's a wasp. Liquor is like oxygen to a wasp. George: Which is why we're out of liquor. Listen, can you come and get me? Cristina (yells): Ok how am I supposed to get through the holidays without liquor George?!? (She moves to hang up the phone) George: Just come and get me! Cris ... hello? (He shuts his phone close and hisses to it) Selfish! (Addison is sitting by herself at a bench in a courtyard of sorts with a view of the harbor with a picnic basket. She's on her phone) Addison: Derek, it's me. Where are you? (She hangs up) (Meredith and Derek are standing at the top of a stairway looking at the ground floor waiting room packed with people sitting) Derek (his phone beeps): Which one do you think she is? Meredith (looking at the people intently): Holden's wife? Derek: Yeah. (There is a woman holding a large handing bag looking down at the ground. A man on one side reading the paper and a teenage boy just sitting with his palms in his hands) Meredith: It's her. (She starts walking down the stairs) Derek: How do you know? (Meredith walks a few steps up to the woman with the bag and who is actually pregnant) Meredith: Mrs. McKee? (The woman named Mrs. Cheryl Leonard stands up) Cheryl: It's Mrs. Leonard now. (Holden's patient room. The 3 people are all there now. The man is Mr. Hal Leonard and the teenage boy is Coby McKee. Holden & Cheryl's son. Meredith and Derek are telling them the news) Cheryl (slightly upset): What do you mean wake him up? Derek: Well over the years your husband's brain has been slowly trying to heal itself. Now we've given him a course of amphetamine that should give his brain the push it needs to find consciousness. Coby (agitated): When? How long does it take? Derek: If we're right, your father will be awake in a few hours. Coby: Is he gonna realize what happened? Derek: Most patients in this situation have no idea how much time has passed. Cheryl: Oh god. Coby: I'm gonna be sick. (He rushes into the bathroom adjoined to the room and slams the door) Derek: I know this is a difficult situation ... Cheryl (interrupts): I just got married. We're having a baby in December. And Coby turns 17 on Thursday. (upset) Difficult? Dif, this is unimaginable! I can't be here when he wakes up. He can't see me like this or Coby. (she knocks on the bathroom door) Coby baby we're leaving. (to Mr. Leonard) We'll be in the car. (Meredith moves to talk to Mrs. Leonard who has dragged her son out of the bathroom and towards the entrance of the room) Meredith: Mrs. Leonard. Cheryl (upset): Holden is gonna wake up and find out that we didn't wait for him. He's a good person. How could you do this to him? (She walks off. Camera switches to Mr. Leonard who also looks upset) Derek: You should get her back. Hal: I'll try but I don't know. It took her a long time to move on. (He walks out of the room) (Derek and Meredith are standing on a rooftop overlooking Seattle) Derek: We did the right thing. Medically, Holden's out patient and we treated him. Meredith: I'm sure he'll thank us later. Derek: Meredith, it's... Meredith: Did you see that kid's face? Holden is a complete stranger to him. Derek: Cases like this are... Meredith: It's not cases like this. It's this one case. You don't get it. You have a life. You go to sleep, you wake up and that life doesn't exist anymore? That man has no one. Everyone's moved on. Except for him. It's not an easy thing. Derek: I'm sorry. (He puts his hand on her arm) Meredith: I know. (Bailey is scrubbing her hands at a sink in a hallway all scrubbed up. Dr. Kent comes up striding towards her looking peeved) Dr. Kent: What are you doing up here? Get down to the pit. We're backed up. Bailey: No can do sir. The Nazi has me on this surgery. Dr. Kent: We've got a line out the door for sutures. Everybody's an amateur chef until they get a knife in their hands. Bailey (shrugs, making her way towards an O.R): Knives can be tricky. (Bailey is getting gloves put on by the scrubs nurses. Richard is standing in there already scrubbed next to the patient lying on the operating table who has a very large knife sticking out of his back) Bailey: Your wife know you're working today? Richard: I'm going home. I just wanted to watch a little bit. Bailey: Yeah well don't stay here to long. Could end up like him. (She looks pointedly the patient) Wife stabbed him. Said she didn't like the way he was carving the turkey. Richard: Ouch. (Cristina is opening the front door of the townhouse. Joe is at the front with a good looking Asian guy) Joe: Happy Thanksgiving! Cristina: Joe thank god! Joe: Hey, this is my boyfriend Walter. (Walter raises his hand to say hi) Cristina: Whatever. Tell me you brought liquor. Joe (holds out pie): I brought pie. Pumpkin. Cristina (disbelievingly): You're a bartender! Joe: Did you bring scalpels? (Cristina motions her frustration and grabs the pie off Joe) (Forest) (George is with his family crouching down near a tree. George is using a tool to make a turkey bird noise) Mr. O'Malley (pokes George): Come on, pick a car. George: I don't wanna pick a car. Ronny: He doesn't know jack about cars. George (mutters): I know plenty I just don't wanna pick one. (Jerry hears this and rolls his eyes) Mr. O'Malley: Georgie's just tired. They working you too hard at the hospital? (To Ronny) You know he works 48 hour shifts? Ronny: 48 hours and you enjoy it? George: Yeah I enjoy it. Jerry: Like what do you do? George: You know, medical stuff. (Jerry rolls eyes again) Mr. O'Malley: Come on. George (smiling): They're not gonna get it. Mr. O'Malley: Make your brothers jealous. Tell them what it's like to be a big time surgeon. Come on. George (little more perked up): Okay. Last night this was pretty cool. I assisted on a truncal vagotomy and we ah inflated this ... Jerry (interrupts): Assisted? ... Wait what do you mean? George: I helped a surgeon. Anyway we inflated this guy's abdomen ... Ronny (interrupts): Woah wait you helped the surgeon? George: I'm a surgical intern. The resident or the attending, they perform the surgery. Jerry: So you don't actually cut anybody open? I mean, by yourself? George (slightly defensive): No. Jerry: Do you hand the surgeon stuff that he needs? Scalpels? George: That's a scrub nurse. Mr. O'Malley: Georgie does that thing with the gas that puts the patient to sleep. George: No, Dad. Dad, that's the anesthesiologist. Ronny: Well what? Do you like take the patient to surgery? George: Um...orderly. No, like the point of being of an intern is that you're learning. We watch the surgeries and the attending asks us questions and we have to answer them. It's not easy. I have to be on top of my game 100% of the time. It's incredibly difficult. Jerry: So you don't actually do anything. (George gives him a look to which Jerry raises his eyebrows) George: Yes I do. Ronny: You just stand there. George (frustrated): No! I assist ... Ronny (interrupts): Watching while the real doctors work. George: No! I uh! I'm a real doctor! What? Dad! Ronny (interrupts): What? You just stand there, so you don't do anything. George: No! I didn't ... no you said I didn't do anything! Jerry (interrupts): Real doctors save lives Georgie. I mean if you're just standing there ... George: Oh for god's ... ! (Jerry & Ronny break out into laughter. Mr. O'Malley whacks Ronny) Ronny: What? (George sits stiffly looking upset and starts making the turkey calls again) George: I wanna go home. Mr. O'Malley: Just as soon as you shoot your turkey. (Meredith is sitting on the floor of Holden McKee's patient room. He is still unconscious. Alex comes to the open door and knocks on the inside wall) Alex: What are you doing here? Meredith: Waiting for my patient to wake up. Alex: Why aren't you at the Thanksgiving? Meredith: Why aren't you at Thanksgiving? (Alex gives her a wry smile and enters the room. He sits down next to her groaning slightly and looks at Meredith) Meredith: What? Alex: I tell you something, you tell me something. (Meredith looks at him and closes her patient file that she was looking at) Meredith: Ok. I feel like one of those people who's so freaking miserable they can't be around normal people. Like, I'll infect the happy people. Like, I'm some miserable, diseased, dirty ex-mistress. Your turn. Alex: I failed the medical boards. If I tell Izzie she'll be nice about it and all supportive and optimistic. She might as well rip my nads off and turn them into earrings. Meredith: Alex, you should go to Thanksgiving. I mean don't tell her if you don't want to, but you should go. Otherwise you're just ... me. Alex (nods slightly): A miserable diseased dirty ex-mistress? (Meredith smiles and Alex whistles continuing to nod) Alex: It's hot. (Meredith laughs) It's really hot. I feel better already. Meredith (still smiling): See? (Alex gives her a reassuring pat, ruffles her hair and stands up) Alex: Happy Thanksgiving. (He leaves the room. Meredith looks down and picks up her patient charts and starts heading out of the room) Holden: Hello? (She stops walking immediately and turns to Holden's bedside) Holden: Is somebody there? (Meredith walks up quickly to his bed) Somebody? Meredith: Yes. (He looks at her) Somebody's here. (She takes one of his hands in hers) (Meredith is still with Holden. Derek is there with 3 nurses looking over Holden) Derek: Mr. McKee your muscles have suffered deterioration and your joints will be painful for a while which is to be expected. Now the fact that your communication skills are still intact is remarkable. Holden: Did you reach my wife yet? Is she coming? I mean have you told her? Or do you wait until she gets here because this is gonna be quite a shock. (Derek nods slightly) Holden (to Meredith): How long have I been out? (Meredith gives Derek a look) A year? Derek (to the nurses & Meredith): Could you excuse us please? (The nurse's and Meredith start making their way out) Holden (calls out to Meredith): You tell me. (Meredith stops looking at Derek) Please. You found me. You tell me. Meredith: I'm only an intern. I've never really done this before. Holden: Me either. You'll do it quickly. Rip off the bandage. Derek: Hmm. No anesthesia. Holden: Exactly. Derek (nods slightly): Hmm. I'll be right outside if you need me. (Derek glances at Meredith briefly before he walks out of the room) Holden (lets out a shaky breath): Truth time. Meredith: Truth time. Holden: How bad is this truth gonna be? Meredith: It's bad, Holden. (Meredith is in the room alone with Holden, we can't hear what is said but Holden lets out a noise of shock.) (Meredith's Townhouse kitchen where Izzie is chopping celery with a large knife on the kitchen island. Dr. Burke is standing beside her. The following scene is very reminiscent of the very first episode with George's first surgery) Burke: Hmm. You have to cut the celery into finer pieces Stevens. Izzie: Uh huh. (She cuts a few more) Like that? Burke: That'll do. Put them in with the onions. (Izzie grabs the chopped pieces and places them with a bowl of chopped onions) Burke: Now, what should you be concerned about? Izzie: Um ... Burke: The turkey, Stevens. I expect you to know that. Izzie: Right. I need to check the turkey to see if it's cooking at the correct temperature. (They head over to the oven) Burke: And how do we do that? Izzie: Meat thermometer. (Joe, Walter and Cristina are sitting at a table watching the whole cooking show) Joe: 10 bucks says she dries out the turkey. Walter: 20 says she pulls it off. Cristina: 75 says I don't care. (Izzie has opened the oven and pulled out the turkey in its tray out a bit) Burke: Hmm. Okay Stevens, let's see what you can do. (Izzie puts in the meat thermometer) Burke: Alright. More pressure. Turkey has a tough shell. Dig in. (Izzie pushes the thermometer in further) Izzie: I'm in. (Joe, Walter & Cristina) Joe: Damn she got it in. Walter: Told you she was going to pull it off. (Cristina looks extremely discomfited by the whole situation. Camera focuses back on Burke & Izzie) Burke: Good, not bad. Now all you have to do is get the thermometer deep enough to get a temp. But be careful not too ... Burke & Izzie (at the same time): Oh! Burke: You hit the bone! The pan is filling with juice and you're losing moisture. What do you do? Izzie (panicking): Uh ... um Burke: Think! (Cristina grabs her stuff) Cristina: That's it. I'm out of here. (She gets up and starts walking down the hallway to the front door. Burke runs after her. He stops her in the foyer) Burke: Hey what's the problem? Cristina: You're operating on a turkey and ... and, and you're making friends with my friends. Burke: Shh. You told me to be nice. Cristina: It will be nice. You know I'm just gonna go to the store and ah get some liquor. Can I have the keys please? (Burke hands her the keys confused) I'll be back. (Cristina leaves the house. Camera goes back to Joe & Walter who look amazed) Izzie (calls out): Dr. Burke! (Burke makes his way back to the kitchen) Burke: Suction! Use the baster for suction! (Forest ) (George is still sitting with his family at the same tree waiting for a turkey to come by) Mr. O'Malley: GT 500 was a Shelby. He also made the viper, you know that? George: Yes, we do know. Ronny: The Shelby 500 is a good car. Jerry: Yeah. Mr. O'Malley: And the other car he made is ... (He stops talking when he sees a turkey all of a sudden appear a few meters away. Jerry instantly lifts up his gun to shoot it but George grabs it stopping him) George: Turkey. Turkey. Jerry, we came out here so I could shoot a turkey. Dad said we're not leaving until I shoot a turkey. I am shooting this turkey! (Jerry puts his gun down annoyed and George lifts up his rifle taking aim at the bird) Mr. O'Malley (whispers): When you're sure you've got it, squeeze ... Ronny (whispers to Jerry): Don't worry about it. He's not gonna do it. He's gonna chicken out and you ... (All of sudden George fires his gun. Jerry & Ronny get shocked looks on their faces) Mr. O'Malley: Yahoo! (They all stand up to look at the bird) Ronny (stunned): He got it. George: I got it? Mr. O'Malley (gleeful): You got it Georgie! George (happy): Let's go home! [SCENE_BREAK] (MRI Room) (Holden is lying on the table for the MRI machine. Meredith is standing at his feet) Holden (teary-eyed): What's he like? ... My son? Meredith: You know I didn't really get a chance to speak with him. But he seemed nice. He's ah tall like you and he's got your eyes. Holden: That ... that's good. (Meredith nods and looks back to the viewing room we're Derek is standing with a MRI tech. He gives her a slight nod. She turns back to Holden) Meredith: Holden, we're ready to begin. Holden (scared): What does the MRI do? Meredith: Just gives us a better picture of your brain really. You're one for the books you know? Holden: That's nice. Meredith: If you're ready. Holden: When I went down into that fire...we were going on vacation the next day. Taking the baby to see my mom. She was so excited. I tried to call my mom today. But, um...she's dead now. My mother's been dead for eight years. I'm ready. Meredith: Ok. (Derek and the MRI tech look on from the viewing room. Meredith comes to the door) Derek: How's he doing? Meredith: As well as we could expect. (Meredith walks into the room and they both look at the images of Holden's brain being produced by the MRI) Meredith: Damn it. (Holden is lying on a hospital bed that's been propped up. Derek & Meredith are talking to him) Derek: An epidural hematoma. When you fell out of your bed this morning you hit your temple, hard. CT didn't catch it but, the MRI did. Holden: And you can fix it? (Holden & Meredith make eye contact while Derek speaks) Derek: Won't be easy. Sometimes it's impossible to find the vessel and complications can rise but yes, I can operate. Holden: But so there is a risk? Derek: Very large risk, yes. Holden: And what happens if you don't operate? Derek: Best case scenario is that the bleeding resolves itself. Or it can continue to bleed and cause the brain to swell. Holden: Which means what? Meredith: Most likely, without the operation, you'll die. Holden: But the operation could kill me too, right? Derek: There are equal risks both ways. Holden (to Meredith): What do I do? What would you do? Meredith: I can't answer this for you. (Holden sighs sadly and closes his eyes) (Meredith's kitchen) (Dr. Burke & Izzie are preparing more food for the dinner at the island in the kitchen) Izzie: Can I have that spatula please? Thank you. (Izzie starts tossing some onions around that are chopped up in a pan. Burke places something on an oven tray and looks over Izzie's shoulder) Burke: You want the butter to melt, not to boil. (Izzie stops with her onions and picks up a wooden spoon and starts mixing the butter in another pan) Izzie: Dr. Burke, how did you learn to cook like this? (Burke starts mixing the onions next to Izzie) Burke: My mother owns a restaurant in Alabama. Izzie: Seriously? Burke: Seriously. Izzie: Does Cristina know that? Burke: No. Actually, she doesn't. Izzie: She doesn't ask a lot of personal questions. She's kinda hard to get to know. Burke (smiles): Yes, she is. ... Karev didn't show? Izzie: No he didn't. Burke: Is that okay? Izzie: No, it's not. (Joe comes up to the kitchen doorway holding an empty wine glass) Joe: Do you know that there's absolutely no liquor in this house? Burke: Ah yeah Cristina went to get some. Izzie: Over an hour ago. Where is she? (SGH, waiting room) (A large black man who looks like he is about to choke stands up when he here's his name called by Cristina who has a yellow gown over her clothes holding his chart. Addison gets out of the elevator.) Addison: Dr. Yang. Cristina: Um...yes? Addison: Have you seen my husband? Cristina: No, I have not. Addison: Do you know where he is? Cristina: No, I do not. Addison: He was supposed to meet me hours ago. (They both stand there awkwardly for a moment) Cristina: I'm not here. Addison: Neither am I. (They walk off in opposite directions. Cristina stops and picks up a chart and calls for the patient) Cristina: Levi Johnson? Mr. Johnson (difficulty speaking): Yes. Cristina: You swallowed a wishbone? Mr. Johnson (chokes): Yes. (She starts walking down a hallway with Mr. Johnson following behind) Cristina (smiling broadly): Excellent. We'll have to take some films. Maybe you ruptured your esophagus, huh? That means surgery. (She passes Dr. Kent who is still doing sutures) Dr. Kent: I don't believe this. (Forest) (George is packing up the Ute they obviously all drove down. He slams the back shut) George: Car's loaded! (He turns to Jerry & Ronny who are sitting on the drinking coolers nearby) George: Guys! Coolers! Come on. Get up, get up, get up! (They get up and he grabs the coolers and places them in the back as well) George: Dad, come on! (Mr. O'Malley comes up to George holding the dead turkey wrapped up and places it in the back as well) Mr. O'Malley: Hold on Georgie. We've gotta blood you. (He reaches his hand into the wrapped up turkey) George: Oh no. No. (Mr. O'Malley smears two blood finger streaks on both of George's cheeks) Mr. O'Malley: Now there you go. Now you're officially an O'Malley man. Jerry & Ronny (yell together): O'Malley! Mr. O'Malley: I uh left my hat. (Mr. O'Malley walks up a bit the road while Jerry & Ronny smother George in a hug) Jerry & Ronny (yell): O'Malley! George (laughs): Guys! Just get in the car. Ronny: O'Malley! Jerry: O'Malley! Ronny: Twenty-one gun salute for Georgie! (They both draw up their guns to shoot) George: That's not the best idea guys. I'm serious, don't! (Ronny's gun accidentally goes off. A large moan of pain is heard from Mr. O'Malley. Ronny looks stunned. Jerry looks up and is also shocked. George upset turns to Ronny) George (yells): You shot Dad in the ass! Are you happy now? (He storms off up to his father) (Trauma room) (Mr. O'Malley is lying on a hospital gurney face down dressed in a hospital gown. Ronny & Jerry are also in there playing with the equipment. George walks in and is dismayed by the sight) Jerry: It's like laser tag. Ronny: Not in the eyes. George: Guys! This is the trauma room, what are you doing? (George puts on his gloves and gestures to Ronny who is holding a piece of hospital equipment) George: Put it down. Dad I'm gonna inject you with something to numb the area. Mr. O'Malley: Ahh ah I'm fine. I don't need anything. It doesn't even hurt that bad. George: Dad you have a bird shot embedded in your (he stops himself) ... gluteus maximus. When I start removing it believe me it's gonna hurt very bad. Jerry (to Ronny): Hey, the '65 GTO. (George gets a very frustrated and annoyed look on his face) Ronny (scoffs): That's a V8 tweaker. (Mr. O'Malley smiles) Jerry: You don't want that. What you want is the Bel Air. (To Mr. O'Malley) But it's gotta be the two tone right? Mr. O'Malley: Right. (They all chuckle except for George) Pick a car Georgie. George: No thanks. Jerry: Come on Georgie. Pick a car. Ronny: I told you he doesn't know jack about cars. Jerry: He doesn't know jack about jack. George (in a very controlled voice): Jerry. First you say the GTO. Ronny counters with the Bel Air which never fails to make Dad say the GT 500. (He starts getting louder and angrier. Jerry & Ronny get quiet looks on their face) The cobra, the Chieftan. Then someone names a German car which invariably starts the American versus foreign debate that usually ends when one of you brings up the DeVille. And that always, always leads to the unbelievably long discussion on the merits of the '57 thunderbird. (he is now yelling) So how about I just jump to the end and name the thunderbird now so that once in our lives we can stop picking cars! (He takes off his gloves angrily) And my name is George! (He leaves the room angrily) (Holden's room. Meredith is watching from the nurse's station. Derek walks up to her and notices that Coby is in the room with Holden as well) Derek: What do you know? The kid came back. Meredith: No he didn't. (Coby is leaving the room. He stops in front of Meredith & Derek) Coby (shrugs upset): He says we have the same eyes. Derek: Yeah. Coby: Didn't see it. (He walks off) (Meredith opens the door to Holden's room were Holden looks devastated. She stands at the doorway) Holden (teary eyed): He said that he couldn't stay ... because of the holiday. But he, he said he'll come back some time soon. Meredith (nods): Good. Holden (smiles): Yeah. He said she's happy. Ah that this guy, Hal, is really good for her. She loves him. (He takes a deep breath. Meredith looks sad for him) So I've decided to ah go ahead with the surgery. Um, they've moved on. I should too. Now get this thing outta my head and let me get on with my life. Meredith: (slightly teary eyed): Right. (She nods) I'll ah tell Dr. Shepherd. (She moves to close the door) Holden: Dr. Grey. Meredith: Yeah? Holden: Do you think he really will come back? Meredith: I hope so. (Meredith's kitchen) (Burke is checking on the turkey in the oven as Izzie walks back into the kitchen) Izzie: Joe and Walter have got the table set up in the living room. How's our bird? Burke: He needs a few more hours. (Izzie sighs and grabs a few plates from a cupboard) Burke: Why did you plan this big dinner if you knew you couldn't cook? Izzie (shrugs): I just like Thanksgiving, Dr. Burke. Burke: Preston. Izzie (smiles): Preston. Burke: You just like Thanksgiving? Izzie: Doctor-patient confidentiality? Burke: Doctor-patient confidentiality. Izzie: Ok. We work 18 hours a day, 6 days a week, 50 weeks a year. We don't really have any time for our families. We don't have friends that aren't doctors, but we have this one day, where we don't have to cut anyone open. One day where we get to be like everybody else. One day to be normal. A day where nobody lives and nobody dies on our watch. It's like a gift. So I just thought we should appreciate it. That's all. (She grabs the plates and shrugs) Gotta set the table. (Izzie leaves the kitchen. Burke slowly nods and smiles) Burke: A day without surgery. (SGH, operating room) (Bailey is operating on the guy who swallowed the wishbone. She holds up the said wishbone she has just removed eye-level. Cristina is also in there by her side) Bailey: Now who swallows a wishbone whole? Cristina: Dr. Bailey, why are you working on Thanksgiving? Bailey: You work the extra shifts and get the extra practice. Trying to get in all the practice I can ... before the baby comes (Cristina looks up at this) and I have to take time off. My husband isn't thrilled I'm working Thanksgiving but he isn't a surgeon so he doesn't get it. Cristina: Oh. Bailey: You and Dr. Burke? Cristina: Yeah. Bailey: He would've made a good father. (Dr. Kent opens the OR door) Dr. Kent: They said the Nazi was in here. Bailey: He was, but he left. I think he went down to the pit. (He leaves and Cristina gives Bailey a look) Bailey: Don't ask. (Holden is being placed on a hospital gurney in an OR room. Meredith is watching from the doorway. Derek comes up to her ready to start performing the surgery) Derek: Hey. You coming? Meredith: Not enough interns. I gotta cover the floor. (Derek shrugs at her) What would you have done if you were him? Would you have the surgery? Derek: You would have the surgery. Meredith (nods): I would want the future or to be asleep again. One or the other. Nothing in between. Derek: I honestly don't know what I'd want. Meredith: I know you don't. Derek (nods): If you get a chance you can scrub in later. I'm gonna be at this a while. (He walks into the OR) (George is walking back into the trauma where his father is still lying on the gurney. Ronny & Jerry are nowhere to be seen) Mr. O'Malley: I thought you'd forgotten about me. George: No. (loud) Where are Ronny and Jerry? Mr. O'Malley: Nurse told them that the cafeteria was open. George: Oh. (George starts prepping again to remove the bullet) Mr. O'Malley: You didn't have fun today. George: It's not that ... (he shakes his head) No. No I didn't have fun. Mr. O'Malley: You hurt your brothers' feelings. George: Dad! Mr. O'Malley: You did. George: They talk to me like I'm stupid. They call me Georgie. They've never treated me like I'm one of them. Mr. O'Malley: George, Jerry is a dry cleaner. Ronny works in a post office. I drive a truck. You're a surgeon. You're not one of us. I know it and they know it. You make sure we know it. (George starts removing the bullet) George: Dad. Mr. O'Malley: I'm, I'm not blaming you. It makes me proud that you're so smart. Like I did something right. It's just ... we try! We try to include you but, you don't like the stuff that we like. And we don't know how to talk about the stuff that you want to talk about. You're not one of us but, damn it we don't treat you like you're stupid. You treat us like we're stupid. And maybe we are but we're your family. Give us an inch, Georgie. Every once in a while, pick a car. (There's a silence) George: I saved a guy's life on an elevator last month. I performed open heart surgery on him right there. Mr. O'Malley: By yourself? George: By myself. Just like a real doctor. Mr. O'Malley: Hmm. (amazed) Hm! That's something. That's really something. (Meredith is washing up in the scrub room adjacent to the OR with Holden's surgery. She's getting ready to go in when she looks up through the window. Everyone is scrambling around. A doctor is performing CPR. She drops the bar of soap she is holding shocked. Holden's heart monitor has flat lined. Derek sighs and shakes his head slightly to Meredith. Meredith looks down sad) (Derek and Meredith are walking out of the OR. They see Coby sitting by himself in an empty side waiting room. He stands up when sees them) Derek (sighs): I'll take care of it. (Meredith is sitting by herself in the staff locker room. She looks up when she sees Cristina walking by) Meredith: What are you doing here? (George walks into the locker room and does a double take when he sees Cristina. He then spots Meredith) George: Oh. This is beyond bad. (Cristina looks away slightly ashamed) (Meredith's dining room) (Izzie is sitting at the head of the table. Joe & Walter walk in. Joe walks up to her and gives her a kiss on the forehead) Joe: Sorry, Izzie it's after 8. Gotta get to the bar. Izzie: On Thanksgiving? Joe: It's one of our busiest days of the year. People need a safe haven from the bitterness, loneliness, quality family time. I'm their important store. See you later? Izzie: Yeah. Joe (to Burke is sitting at the other head of the table): Night Doc. Burke: Night Joe. Izzie: Bye Walter. Thanks for coming. (They wave and leave the house) Izzie: You can leave too if you want. Burke: I'm not leaving the table until the hostess does. Izzie: They're not coming. Burke: Even so. (Izzie smiles. Suddenly there's the sound of the key turning the door lock. George & Cristina enter the house and walk into the living room where the table is set. Cristina sits down near Burke. George approaches Izzie before sitting down) George (whispers to Izzie): Today I committed bird murder and I was forced to touch my Dad's ass. I get extra points for showing up at all. (Cristina reaches into her bag and places some bottles on the table) Cristina: I brought booze. (Izzie stands up as if to say something mad but changes her mind and smiles) Izzie: Let's just eat. (She sits back down) (SGH Parking lot) (Meredith and Derek are sitting on a bench together. He sighs and stands up) Derek: You know today in the waiting room, how did you know Cheryl was Holden's wife? Meredith: Waiting rooms are full of people hoping for good news. She was the only one who looked like she had completely given up. Derek: Yeah. (He starts to walk off but Meredith speaks) Meredith: Do you love her? (He stops, turns around and sits back down) Derek (shakes his head slightly): I don't know. Meredith: It's good that you're trying. You wouldn't be you if you weren't the kind of person who's trying to make it work. Derek (softly): You think so? Meredith: Yeah. (She smiles) It means I wasn't wrong about you. Derek: Thanks. (Meredith stands up to leave. She looks at him meaningfully) Meredith: Goodbye, Derek. Derek: Bye, Meredith. (She turns around and starts walking away) MVO: Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. (Meredith is standing outside on the porch of the Townhouse looking in at Cristina, Burke, George & Izzie all talking and laughing having dinner) Alex: Hey. (She turns around and Alex is standing behind her) Meredith: Hey. Alex: You going inside? Meredith: Nah you go ahead. Alex: You sure? Meredith: Yeah. Go make her happy. Alex: Yeah. (He opens the front door and walks in. Meredith turns back to watch and sees Alex walk in and hug Izzie) MVO: Maybe being grateful is recognizing what you have for what it is. (SGH hallway) (Richard is standing in front of the OR board. Bailey walks up to him) Bailey: You're a surgical junkie! Go home! Richard: Adele's already mad. I'm in trouble no matter what. And there's a Whipple happening in OR 2. Bailey: Go home right now! (She walks off to the nearby elevator which dings open. Dr. Kent gets off as she gets on) Richard (yells at her as she gets on the elevator): This kinda treatment is why they call you the Nazi! (Dr. Kent stops at this shocked and turns around to look at Bailey. She stands smugly) MVO: Appreciate small victories. Bailey (to Dr. Kent): Happy Thanksgiving. (The elevator doors shut) (Burke & Cristina are sitting in his car outside the townhouse) Burke: I was nice. Cristina (smiles): Yeah. I noticed. Burke: You don't ask a lot of personal questions and you're very hard to get to know. Cristina: Yes. Burke: My mother owns a restaurant in Alabama. Cristina: I scrubbed in on a foreign body removal this afternoon. A guy swallowed a wishbone whole. (Burke chuckles and starts the car) MVO: Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. (Derek is driving home in the pouring rain. He pulls his car to stop in front of his trailer where Addison sits waiting on the porch. He gets out and walks through the rain and stops in front of her) Addison: You didn't show. (Derek nods) So, um...I bought Chinese food. And I waited. It was good. Now it's luke warm and old. Which makes it just like the food we used to have in medical school. So...(He looks down) Derek, are you done? Hurting me back? I mean cause I need to know. Cause if not ... I gotta special order a thicker skin or something. MVO: Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. (Derek sits down next to her and looks at her) Derek: No anesthesia in sight. (Addison looks at him hopefully as he starts leaning in) Derek: Here we go. (They kiss) MVO: And maybe we're thankful for things we'll never know. (Joe's bar) (Meredith is sitting at the bar by herself reading a book with a drink. A good looking guy walks up to her) Guy: Is this seat taken? (Meredith looks up and then glances at Joe who awaits her answer. She looks back at the guy) Meredith: Do you work at the hospital? Guy (smiles): No. Meredith: You're not a brain surgeon or a doctor of any kind? Guy: No. (Meredith looks back at Joe who smiles and then looks back at the guy) Meredith: Then this seat isn't taken. (The guy sits down) MVO: At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing ... Meredith: Do you want to buy me a drink? Guy: Actually I do. (Meredith smiles) MVO: ... is reason enough to celebrate.
Plan: A: The Thanksgiving holiday; Q: What holiday is more difficult for the interns and residents than any of them is willing to admit? A: Izzie; Q: Who plans a big dinner for Thanksgiving? A: George; Q: Who endures the family tradition of hunting turkeys with his father and brothers? A: the hospital; Q: Where did Meredith go instead of helping Izzie? A: Meredith; Q: Who treats a patient who's been in a vegetative state for 16 years? A: Addison; Q: Who asks Derek to have sex with her again? A: Burke; Q: Who helps Izzie prepare the Thanksgiving meal? A: Alex; Q: Who shows up at the last minute to help Izzie out? A: initial reluctance; Q: What did Alex have before showing up for dinner? A: Cristina; Q: Who does George bring back to Thanksgiving dinner? A: one-night; Q: How long did Meredith and Joe's bar stand last? Summary: The Thanksgiving holiday is more difficult for the interns and residents than any of them is willing to admit, as Izzie plans a big dinner. George endures the family tradition of hunting turkeys with his father and brothers. Having sneaked off to the hospital instead of helping Izzie out, Meredith treats a patient who's been in a vegetative state for 16 years. Addison asks Derek to have sex with her again, but he stands her up to help with Meredith's patient. Burke helps Izzie to prepare the Thanksgiving meal. Just as Izzie is about to give up on anyone showing up for dinner, Alex shows up after having initial reluctance, George and Cristina come back, while Meredith celebrates with a one-night stand at Joe's bar.
Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Sunnydale High. Cut to the hall by the trophy case. Oz is hunched over inspecting Catherine Madison's cheerleading trophy. He stares at its eyes as he moves his head from one side to the other. Willow enters the hall from outside and comes up to him. Willow: (smiles) Hi. Oz: (straightens up) Oh, that's what I was gonna say. Willow: What cha looking at? (looks into the case) Oz: (points) This cheerleading trophy. (moves and watches) It's like its eyes follow you wherever you go. I like it. He stands back up straight again and gives his attention back to Willow. They start down the hall together. Willow: So did you like the movie last night? Oz: I don't know. T-today's movies are kind of like popcorn. You know, you forget about them as soon as they're done. I do remember I liked the popcorn, though. (stops walking) Willow: (smiles) Yeah, it was good. And I had a really fun time with the rest. (gets a confused look from Oz) I mean, the part with you. Oz: Oh, that's great. Uh, my time was also of the good. Willow: Mine, too. (awkwardness sets in) Well, then... Oz raises his eyebrows expectantly. Willow looks past him and sees Buffy down the hall. Willow: Oh, there. (points) I have my friend. So I will go to her. (goes) Oz: I'll see you then. Uh, later. (smiles) Larry and some other jocks come walking the other direction and stare at Willow and Buffy walking away. Larry bites his fist and comes over to Oz. Larry: Man! Oz, I would love to get me some of that Buffy and Willow action, if you know what I mean. (laughs) Oz: (nods) That's great, Larry. You've really mastered the single entendre. Larry notices a pretty girl coming down the hall and ignores the insult to stare at her. As she goes by he taps her books, and they fall out of her hands. Girl: Hey! Larry: Oops! She bends down to pick up her books, and Larry and the other jocks stare at her legs. Larry: Ohhh! Oh, thank you, Thighmaster! (laughs) The girl gives them a dirty look and leaves. Larry: So, Oz, man, what's up with that? Dating a junior? Uh, let me guess. That little innocent schoolgirl thing is just, uh, just an act, right? Oz: Yeah. Yeah, she's actually an evil mastermind. It's fun. Larry: I mean, she's gotta be putting out, or what's the point? What are you gonna do, talk? (laughs) Come on, fess up. How far have you gotten? Cut outside to Buffy and Willow walking along the colonnade. Willow: Nowhere. I mean, he said he was gonna wait until I was ready, but I'm ready. Honest. I'm good to go here. Buffy: Well, I think it's nice that he's not just being an animal. Willow: It is nice. He's great. We have a lot of fun. But I want smoochies! Buffy: Have you dropped any hints? Willow: I've dropped anvils. Buffy: Ah, he'll come around. What guy could resist your wily Willow charms? Willow: At last count, all of them. Maybe more. Buffy: Well, none of them know a thing. They all get an 'F' in Willow. Willow: But I want Oz to get an 'A', and, oh, one of those gold stars. They sit on a bench. Buffy: He will. Willow: Well, he better hurry. I don't want to be the only girl in school without a real boyfriend. Buffy looks down sadly. Willow realizes her insensitivity. Willow: Oh, I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't even be talking about... Do you want me to go away? Buffy: I wish you wouldn't. Willow: How are you holding up anyway? Buffy: I'm holding. I was going on two minutes there without thinking about Angel. Willow: (trying to be cheerful) Well, there you go. Buffy: But I would do a lot better if you and Xander and I could do that 'sharing our misery' thing tonight. Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1- 800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho. (rolls her eyes) Buffy: (surprised) Meow! Willow: (smiles) Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a 'meow' before. Buffy: Well-deserved. Willow: Darn tootin'. I'm just saying Xander and Cordelia? I mean, what does he see in her anyway? Cut inside Cordelia's car in a secluded area of the park that night. She and Xander are making out. Suddenly Xander breaks off. Xander: But what could she possibly see in him? Cordelia: Excuse me? We didn't come here to talk about Willow. We came here to do things I can never tell my father about because he still thinks I'm a... good girl. Xander: I just don't trust Oz with her. I mean, he's a senior, he's attractive -- okay, maybe not to me, but -- and he's in a band. And we know what kind of element that attracts. Cordelia: I've dated lots of guys in bands. Xander: (nods) Thank you. Cordelia: Do you even wanna be here? Xander: I'm not running away. Cordelia: Because when you're not babbling about poor, defenseless Willow, you are *raving* about the all-powerful Buffy. Xander: I do not babble. I occasionally run-on, every now and then I yammer... Cordelia: Xander? Xander: Yeah? Cordelia: Look around. We're in my daddy's car, it's just the two of us, there is a beautiful, big full moon outside tonight. It doesn't get more romantic than this. (insistent) So shut up! They start making out again. Cut outside. The camera pulls away from the car into the bushes until a large, hairy beast watching them comes into view. It growls menacingly. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Inside Cordelia's father's car at the park. She and Xander are sucking face. Xander hears some rustling outside and breaks off. Xander: Did you hear that? Cordelia: What is it now? Xander: I thought I heard something. Cordelia: I-is Willow sending out some sorta distress signal that only *you* can hear? Xander: Huh. He smiles at her sheepishly, and they go back to it. An instant later Xander hears more rustling, louder this time, and pulls back again. Xander: Okay, now I *know* I heard something. Cordelia: Alright, that's it. You know, your mind hasn't been here all night. How about I just drop you off... A hairy arm with a clawed hand punches through the convertible top. Cordelia screams and makes a grab for the keys. Xander: Get us outta here! The creature on the roof of the car snarls as it reaches around for them inside. The keys aren't in the ignition, and Cordelia frantically searches for them on the floor. Cordelia: (screams) Where are the keys? Xander: We should be moving! Let's go! Cordelia: (finds the keys) Oh, I got 'em! Got 'em! She fumbles with the keys, but manages to get them into the ignition and starts the car. She puts it into reverse and screams as she guns the car backward a ways and then slams on the brakes. The beast tumbles off of the back and into a tree. Cordelia gets the car in drive and speeds away. The camera shows the car from above with a gaping hole in the ragtop as it maneuvers back to the road and races off. Xander: Told ya I heard something. Cut to the school parking lot the next day. Buffy inspects the hole in the roof. Buffy: And you're sure it was a werewolf? (gets off of the car) Xander: Well, let's see, um, six feet tall, claws, a big old snout in the middle of his face like a wolf. Um, yeah, I'm sticking with my first guess. Oz: Seems wise. Xander: Oh, oh, and then there was that little thing where it tried to bite us. Cordelia: It was so awful. (puts her head on Xander's shoulder) Xander: (puts his arm around her) I know. Cordelia: (tears herself away) Daddy just had this car detailed. Giles comes up behind Buffy with a newspaper. Buffy: So what's the word? Giles: Well, it seems there were a, a number of other attacks by a wild dog around town. (hands the paper to Buffy) Several animal carcasses were found mutilated. Willow: You mean, like bunnies and stuff? (upset) No, don't tell me. (looks at Oz) Oz: (reassuringly) Oh, don't worry. I mean, they might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves. Willow: (calmer and smiling) Yeah. Oz: Yeah. Giles: (takes the paper back) Yes, uh, um, fortunately, no people were injured. Buffy: That falls into the 'that's a switch' column. Giles: Well, for now. But my guess is that this werewolf will be back at next month's full moon. Willow: What about tonight's full moon? Giles: (confused) Pardon? Willow: Well, last night was the night before the full moon, traditionally known as... 'the night before the full moon.' Giles: Meaning the accepted legend that werewolves only prowl during a full moon might be erroneous. Cordelia: Or it could be a crock. Xander: Unless the werewolf was using last year's almanac. Buffy: Looks like Giles has some schooling to do. Giles: Yes, I must admit I, I am intrigued. Werewolves, it's... it's one of the classics. (start away) I, I'm sure my books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon. (leaves) Buffy and Cordelia watch him go. Xander smirks at Giles' typical behavior. Buffy: He needs to get a pet. Cut to the gym. The class is seated on the bleachers listening to the female self-defense coach. Coach: Sunnydale is becoming more dangerous all the time. And a full moon like tonight tends to bring out the crazies, but with some simple basics of self-defense each of you can learn how to protect yourself. Buffy: (quietly to Willow) Here's a suggestion: move away from the Hellmouth. Coach: What you wanna do is gain advantage of the situation as quickly as possible. Willow smiles at Buffy's suggestion. Behind her Oz reaches up and turns the tag sticking out of her sweatshirt back inside. She looks back at him curiously. Oz: Tag. (pats her on the back) Willow smiles at Buffy. Cut to Xander and Cordelia. Coach: Your attacker may have the benefit of surprise. Xander: Would you look at that? He's all over her. Cordelia looks over at Buffy, Oz and Willow. Coach: But if you plot ahead,... Xander: Psst! Hey, buddy, this is a public forum here. Cordelia looks back at him, as do Buffy, Oz and Willow. Coach: ...then you can turn that advantage to yourself. Cordelia: I think you splashed on just a little too much 'Obsession For Dorks'. Coach: By being prepared, you have the power. Okay, everyone get into your assigned groups. The students all get up from the bleachers and go down to the floor. Larry takes off his sweat jacket and goes to the table in front of them to check which group he's in. Xander sees his arm all wrapped up in a bandage just above the elbow. Xander: What happened? Larry: Oh, last week some huge dog jumped out of the bushes and bit me. Thirty-nine stitches. They oughta shoot those strays. Oz: (next to Larry) I've been there, man. (holds up his finger) My cousin Jordy just got his grownup teeth in? Does not like to be tickled. Xander laughs. Larry just shakes his head and then goes over to Theresa, who is doing stretching exercises. Larry: (into her ear) Theresa! (she straightens up) Be still my shorts. We're in the same group. (chuckles and nods) I may have to attack you. Theresa: No, a-a-actually, I think, uh, in our group there are a few of us. Buffy: (joins Theresa) And I'm one of the few. Willow comes up behind her quickly, takes her arm and pulls her aside. Buffy keeps her eye on Larry another moment, then looks at Willow as she explains. Willow: Don't forget, you're supposed to be a meek little girlie-girl like the rest of us. (walks off) Buffy: (looks at Larry) Spoil my fun. Cut to a few minutes later. Everyone is lined up and paired off, girls in front, boys in back. Coach: Okay, everyone, listen up. I wanna show you what to do should you be attacked from behind. (looks at Buffy) In this situation, bend forward, using your back and shoulders (bends her over to demonstrate) to flip the assailant over to the ground. The other girls all bend over, too. The boys follow Larry's lead and put their arms around the girls' necks. Buffy grabs Larry's arm and pretends at a few attempts to flip him over. Willow gives her a smile and nod. Buffy: Uhh! Uhh! Larry: Oh, Summers, you are turning me on. He grabs her butt cheek hard with his other hand. Buffy isn't about to take that, and immediately flips him over hard onto the mats in front of them. Larry groans as he lies there. Willow shoots Buffy a look as she and Oz stand back up. The coach looks over at her also. Oz: (points) That works, too. Cut to the library. Giles is demonstrating the phases of the moon using a large earth globe with a smaller moon globe attached by a bar. Giles: And, uh, while there's absolutely no scientific explanation for lunar effect on the human psyche, uh, the phases of the moon, uh, do seem to exert a great deal of psychological influence. And th-the full moon is, is, seems to bring out our darkest qualities. Xander: And yet, ironically, uh, led to the invention of the moon pie. Giles: (gets the joke) Oh... (chuckles) Yes, the moon pie. (laughs harder) (gets looks from Buffy and Willow) Y-you see, uh, the-the werewolf, uh, is such a, a potent e-e-extreme representation of our inborn animalistic traits that it e-emerges for three full consecutive nights: the full moon and, uh, the two nights surrounding it. Xander: Quite the party animal. Giles: Quite. And it, uh, acts on-on pure instinct. No conscience, uh, uh, predatory and, and aggressive. Buffy: In other words, your typical male. Xander: On behalf of my gender, hey. Giles: Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions. Buffy: I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were. Giles: The point is that our wolfman could also be a-a-a wolfwoman, or- or anyone who was bitten by a werewolf. Xander: So then I'm guessing your standard silver bullets are in order here? Giles: No. No bullets. No matter who this werewolf is, i-it's still a human being, who may be completely unaware of his or her condition. Buffy: So tonight we bring 'em back alive. Cut to that night in a secluded area of the park. The moon is full, and several cars are parked there with couples making out. Giles walks by some cars holding his flashlight out in front of him. Buffy meets up with him. Giles: (quietly) Anything yet? Buffy: (quietly) Yes. And you won't believe what I saw. Brittany Podell was making out with Owen Stadeel, but he goes with Barrett Williams. (gets a look from Giles) If she ever found... No, um, no, no sign of the werewolf. How about you? Giles: Uh, the same. (looks around) I thought we might, uh... I thought we might knock on a few windows, uh, ask if anyone has seen anything yet. Buffy: (gives him a look) Giles, no one's seen anything. Giles: Oh, yes. No, of-of-of course not, no. Yes. He goes off to continue looking. She stares after him a moment, and then heads off into the bushes herself. Cut into the bushes. Buffy scans around with her flashlight as she walks into a small clearing. Suddenly she hears a noise like a latch releasing and yelps as she finds herself being pulled up in a net trap. Below her a hunter points his scoped, double-barreled flintlock up at her and pulls back the hammer. Cain: Gotcha! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The park at night. Cain takes a closer look at what he's caught. Cain: What the hell? Buffy: (yells) Giles! Giles! Giles: (comes running) Hey! (sees Cain with his gun) Whoa! (holds his arms up) Cain: Hands are good right about there. Giles: Who, who are you? What are you doing? Cain: The name's Cain. I'm the one with the gun, which means I'm the one who gets to do the interviewing. Buffy: Ahem. Hey, before we get all chummy here, how about we do something about me being in this net thing? Cain exhales, lowers the flintlock and leans it against a boulder. He pulls out his buck-knife and cuts the rope holding up the net. It falls, and Buffy hits the ground fairly hard. Giles reaches down to untangle the net. Giles: You alright? Buffy: Yeah. (gets up) Cain: (sees Buffy clearly now) Gotta say, I'm impressed. Giles: Excuse me? Buffy looks up at Giles, then back at Cain. Cain: Well, it's good to get the fruit while it's fresh. Giles: You'd be wise to take that back. Cain: Hey, what a man and a girl do in lovers' lane at night is nobody's busi... Giles makes a move toward Cain, but Buffy holds him back. Buffy: Oh, okay, hey, enough, repulsive brain. It's not what you think. (looks at Giles) We're hunting werewolves. Cain laughs. Buffy: Okay, it's funny if you don't believe in werewolves. Cain: No, it's funny thinking about you two catching one. I mean, this guy looks like he's auditioning to be a librarian, and, you, well, you're a girl. Giles: I assure you she's quite capable. Cain: Uh-huh. Lemme ask you something, sweetheart. Exactly how many of these animals have you taken out? Buffy: As of today? Cain: I tore a tooth from the mouth of every werewolf that I killed. (holds out his necklace) This next one will bring the total to an even dozen. Buffy: So you're just gonna kill it? Cain: Well, see, that's the thing. Their pelts fetch a pretty penny in Sri Lanka, and it's a little hard to skin 'em when they're alive. Giles: Y-you hunt werewolves f-for sport? Cain: No, no, I'm in it purely for the money. Buffy: And it doesn't bother you that a werewolf is a person twenty- eight days out of the month? Cain: That's why I only hunt 'em the other three. I'd really love to stay and chat, (crouches down to collect the net) but I'm on a tight schedule. Any idea where else the boys and girls like to get together around here? Buffy: You're looking for a party? Cain: No, but the werewolf is. They're suckers for that whole sexual heat thing. Sense it miles away. Since this little doggie ain't here, I guess he found another place. (stands up) Buffy: Sorry. Wish I could help you. Cain: But you don't know squat? (shakes his head) Gee, what a surprise. (leaves) Buffy turns and heads back to the car. Giles: Where are we going? Buffy: I think I know where to look. We just have to make it there before mein furrier. Cut to a street. Theresa is walking home. She passes a house with a fenced in front yard overgrown with weeds. She hears some rustling and stops to look around. Seeing nothing, she continues. Cut to a view of her from the other side of the fence. The camera follows behind her. She hears more rustling and stops to look again. Something lets out a low growl, and Theresa decides it's time to run. She looks back again and doesn't see Angelus in front of her. She slams into him and screams. Angelus: Everything okay? (twirls a daisy) Theresa: Yeah, I just, uh, I, I thought I heard something... behind me. He walks around her to have a look, then turns back to her. Angelus: No one there. Theresa: Oh. I guess I was wrong. I could have sworn that... Angelus: It's okay. It can get pretty scary out here, all alone at night. Theresa: Yeah. Angelus: Hey, don't I know you from somewhere? Don't you go to school with Buffy? Theresa: Oh, you know Buffy? (smiles) Angelus: (chuckles) Yes, I do, very well. Theresa: (keeps smiling) Oh. Angelus: Come on, I'll get you home. They walk off together, taking another quick look behind them. Cut to the Bronze. Lotion is the band tonight. They're playing "Blind For Now" as the camera pans from the mirrors on the far wall of the Bronze and over to the band playing on the stage. Lyrics: And then sweep this town into a Monster Truck of shame / Carved out of soap and steel and clay and salty fame / You are the first to look away and against me / You shake the squirrel out your tree Cut to Cordelia and Willow sitting on opposite sides of a couch by a low table. Cordelia: I mean, with Xander it's always, 'Buffy did this', 'Willow said that'. Buffy, Buffy. Willow, Willow. It's like I don't even exist. (leans back and folds her arm) Willow: I sometimes feel like that. (looks over at Cordelia) Cordelia: And then when I call him on it, he acts all confused, like I'm the one with the problem. Willow: (nods) His 'do I smell something?' look. Cordelia: All a part of his little guy games. It's like he's there, but then he's not there, and he wants it, but then he doesn't want it. Willow: He's so busy looking around at everything he doesn't have, he doesn't even realize what he *does* have. Cordelia: Well, he should at least realize that you have Oz. Willow: (frowns and raises an eyebrow) Mm, I'm not sure I do. (confused) Oz and I are in some sort of holding pattern, except without the holding or... anything else. Cordelia: What's he waiting for? What's his problem? (rolls her eyes) Oh, that's right, he's a guy. Willow: (disgusted) Yeah, him and Xander. Guys. Cordelia: Who do they think they are? Willow: A couple of guys. Suddenly the werewolf drops down from above onto the table in front of them. They both scream and run from the couch in opposite directions. Panic sets in around them, and the werewolf just stands there at a half crouch, confused by all the noise. Cut outside to the alley. Giles and Buffy come rolling up in his decrepit car as patrons flee for their lives. Giles: Looks as though your hunch was right. Buffy: Who could resist Sunnydale's own house of hormones? She opens the door and gets out. Willow sees her and stops. Willow: The werewolf, it's in there. Buffy makes a dash for the door as it's about to be shut by the bouncer. Buffy: Coming through! She rushes through the door. Cut inside. The door is closed on her and she looks back at it as it slams shut with a thud. She slowly steps into the main area and looks around. The place has been trashed by the panicked people. Tables and chairs are lying everywhere, spilled drinks are splattered on the floor. Buffy sees a shadow behind a bead curtain and makes for it. As she walks she takes off her backpack and pulls out a chain. Cut to the restroom and backstage area. Buffy sees the bead curtain that leads to the stage office swinging. She climbs the few steps and goes in. She goes through another door to the stage. The chain is wrapped around her forearm, ready to use against the werewolf. Slowly she steps out onto the stage. When she's passed the drums the werewolf comes out from behind the stage curtains, snarling. Buffy spins around to face it and drops her backpack. She quickly unravels a length of chain from her arms and gets ready. She throws the chain out, and it wraps itself perfectly around the werewolf's neck. It begins to struggle and yanks at the chain, pulling Buffy into and over the drums. The chain falls from the werewolf's neck, and it makes a dash for a window. Cut outside the window. The werewolf comes crashing through and out into the alley. It takes a quick look both ways and runs away. Cut to later. The Bronze employees are back and begin to straighten things up. Buffy puts her chain back into her backpack as Cain watches. Cain: You let it get away. Buffy: I didn't let it do anything. I had the chain around its neck. Cain: Chain? What were you gonna do, take it for a walk? Buffy: I was going to lock it up. Cain: That's beautiful. (approaches her) This is what happens when a woman tries to do a man's job. Buffy gets up and puts on the backpack as Giles comes up behind Cain. Giles: Now, you look here, Mr. Cain. This girl risked her life trying to capture a beast that you haven't as yet been able to find. (takes his bag off of his shoulder) Cain: Uh-huh. And Daddy's doing a great job carrying her bag of milk bones. Giles throws down his bag, but restrains himself. Cain steps closer to Buffy. Cain: You know, sis, if that thing out there harms anyone, it's going to be on your pretty little head. I hope you can live with that. Buffy: (stares him down) I live with that every day. Cain: (shakes his head) First they tell me I can't hunt an elephant for its ivory... (turns and leaves) Now I've gotta deal with People for the Ethical Treatment of Werewolves. Giles: (under his breath) Pillock! Right, let's move out. He grabs his bag and goes. Buffy follows right behind. Cut to a loading dock area. The werewolf walks into the light next to a trailer and stops to sniff the air. It looks down and sees a large splotch of blood in the gutter. It continues along the side of the trailer. When it reaches the far end Theresa falls to the ground from behind the trailer with a vampire bite clearly visible on her neck. The werewolf looks down at her, but doesn't make a move to eat her. On the other side of her Angelus steps up in his game face and growls at the werewolf. The werewolf bares its fangs at Angelus and growls more loudly. Angelus returns the growl, baring his own fangs and staring the werewolf down, warning him away from Theresa's body. Angelus slowly backs away and leaves. The werewolf looks down at Theresa again and growls, but makes no move to touch her. Cut to the park. Buffy comes walking up behind Giles' car. Buffy: Giles? When she doesn't see anyone in it she runs up to it. Buffy: Giles! She reaches the open window and looks in. Giles wakes and sits up. Giles: Uhh! (takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes) Buffy: I didn't see you there. I thought something had happened. Giles: Oh, no, I'm, uh... Buffy opens the passenger door and gets into the car. A newscast is playing on the radio. Giles: (yawns) I'm okay. I'm just, um, fine... uh, just, uh, I'm, uh... Uh, any sign of the, uh, werewolf? (puts his glasses back on) Buffy: No. I'm guessing you didn't see anything either from that vantage point of having your eyes closed. Giles: It's, uh, it's, it's, uh, gonna be light soon, so we'd better... Buffy: Wait. Radio newscaster: Police say that the incident was apparently connected to the animal mutilation which occurred two nights ago. The coroner's office has identified the body as that of Sunnydale High School student Theresa Klusmeyer, age seventeen. The authorities ask that anyone with further information... Giles: Buffy, we're gonna get this thing. We have another whole night. (Buffy looks at him) There's nothing more we can do now. It's nearly sunrise. That werewolf won't be a werewolf much longer. Buffy looks down sadly. Cut to a view of Sunnydale from atop a hill. The sun is coming up in the distance. Cut to the werewolf asleep on the ground in the woods. The camera pans from its hind paws over to its head. When sunlight hits the werewolf it morphs back into its human form. Oz wakes up, opens his eyes and looks around confused. He sits up and stares around at the forest. He looks down at himself and realizes he's naked. Oz: (confused) Huh. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The dining room at Oz's house. He's on the phone with his aunt. Oz: Aunt Maureen. Hey, it's me. Um, what? Oh! It's, uh... actually it's healing okay. That's pretty much the reason I called. Um, I wanted to ask you something. Is Jordy a werewolf? Uh-huh. And how long has that been going on? Uh-huh. What? No, no reason. Um... Thanks. Yeah, love to Uncle Ken. He lowers the phone and turns it off. He stares off into space as the new knowledge that he is the werewolf sinks in. Cut to the halls at Sunnydale High. Oz walks slowly among the other students as he makes his way to the library. He looks down and around at everyone, still trying to deal with this new revelation about himself. When he reaches the library he stares at the door for a long moment. Cut inside the library. Buffy paces. Willow is sitting at the table with Giles behind her, and Xander is leaning against the counter. Buffy: I can't believe I let that thing get away. Cain was right. I shoulda killed it when I had the chance. Oz comes in, and has overheard that last comment. Oz: Killed what? Buffy: Uh, the, uh, (ahem) the werewolf. It-it-it was out last night. Oz: Is everybody okay? Did anyone get bitten or, or scratched? Willow: No, we're fine. Oz: Gladness. Buffy: Yeah, but he got someone. Theresa. Oz: 'Got', as in... Buffy just looks at him and briefly raises her eyebrows. Oz: Oh, I'm sorry. Buffy: And I coulda stopped it. (sits) Giles: Well, we, we have one more night. Oz: Another night? Buffy: Oh, yeah. Believe me, I'm gonna give that wolfie something to howl about. Oz: Hmm. Xander: (comes over) But while we hang here doing nothing, there's a human werewolf walking around out there, probably making fun of us. Willow: (with a hint of sarcasm) The way werewolves always do. Oz: But there's really no way to tell who it is. Xander: Oh, sure there is. Giles knows stuff, and I'm practically an expert on the subject. Willow: On account of once you were a hyena? Xander: I know what it's like to crave the taste of freshly killed meat, to be taken over by those uncontrollable urges. Buffy: You said you didn't remember anything about that. Xander: (chuckles) I said I didn't remember anything about that. Look, the point is, is I have an affinity with this thing. I can get inside of its head. (closes his eyes and begins to *be* the werewolf) I'm a big, bad wolf. I'm on the prowl. (sniffs) I'm sniffing, I'm snarling, I'm a slobbering predator, I'm... (opens his eyes) Wait a second! It's right in front of us. (Oz's eye go wide with the fear of being recognized) It's obvious who I am. I'm Larry! (Oz breathes a sigh of relief) The guy's practically got wolf-boy stamped on his forehead. You got the dog bite, you got the aggression, not to mention the excessive back hair. Buffy: And he was awfully gleeful about tormenting Theresa. Giles: Still, that doesn't necessarily mean that... Xander: I'm gonna go talk to him. Gonna force a confession out of him. (leaves) Giles: Good. Go. Uh, in the meantime, we need to cover our bases. Willow, um, check the student files. See if anybody else fits the profile. Uh, Buffy? Buffy: Where are we going? Giles: I-if none of that works, I think I may have an alternative. (goes into his office) Buffy: Yeah, me and the werewolf alone in a cage for three minutes. That's all I ask. (gets up and follows Giles) Willow: (to Oz) Are you okay? Oz: (comes back to earth) What? Willow: You kind of knew Theresa. Oz: Oh, yeah, I, uh, I'm trying not to think about it. It's... it's a lot. Willow: It is. But we can do stuff to help. Sometimes it feels good to help. Oz: Uh-huh. Buffy comes back to the office door, but holds back, not wanting to interrupt Willow with Oz. Willow: Well, like... looking up stuff. I'm gonna be doing that most of the night. You could help me, help together? Oz: (unsure what to do) I can't. Um, uh, I'm busy. Willow: Oh. So... Oz: I... I gotta go. He jogs out of the library. Willow watches him go, confused about his behavior. Buffy looks sadly at her friend from the office doorway. Cut to the boys' locker room. The camera pans over to the sinks where Larry is splashing some water onto his face. He grabs a towel and dries off as he heads for his gym locker. Xander is there waiting for him and kicks his locker closed to get his attention. Larry takes the towel from his face and looks at Xander, startled. Larry: Harris. Sheesh. Next time wear a bell. (opens his locker) Xander: Why so jumpy, Larry? Larry: Geeks make me nervous. Xander: Is that really it or is there something you're hiding? Larry: (leans on his locker door) I could hide my fist in your face. Xander: I know your secret, big guy. I know what you've been doing at night. Larry: You know, Harris, that nosey little nose of yours is going to get you into trouble someday... (grabs Xander by the shirt) Like today. Xander: Hurting me isn't gonna make this go away. People are still gonna find out. Larry: (lets go) Alright. What do you want? Hush money? Is that what you're after? Xander: I don't *want* anything! I just wanna help! Larry: What, you think you have a cure? Xander: No, it's just... I know what you're going through because I've been there. That's why I know you should talk about it. Larry: Yeah, that's easy for *you* to say. I mean, you're nobody. I've got a reputation here. Xander: Larry, please, before someone else gets hurt. Larry: (points at Xander's chest) Look, if this gets out, it's over for me. (turns and takes a few paces away) I mean, forget about playing football. They'll run me outta this town. I mean, come on! How are people going to look at me (faces Xander) after they find out I'm gay. Xander looks at him in astonishment. Larry looks like a heavy burden has just been lifted and smiles. Larry: Oh, wow. I said it. And it felt... okay. (whispers) I'm gay. (approaches Xander) I am gay. Xander: I heard you the first time. Larry: I can't believe it. It was almost easy. I never felt I could tell anyone. (gestures to Xander) And then you, you of all people, you bring it outta me. Xander: It probably would have slipped out even if I wasn't here. Larry: (leans on his locker door) No, no, because knowing you went through the same thing, made it easier for me to admit it. Xander: (wide-eyed) The same thing... Larry: (puts his arm around Xander) It's ironic. I mean, all those times I beat the crap out of you, it musta been because I recognized something in you that I didn't want to believe about myself. Xander: (laughs nervously) Larry, no, I am not... Larry: Of course, of course not. Don't worry. (pats Xander on the shoulder) I wouldn't do that to you. Your secret's safe with me. He gives Xander a thumbs-up and smiles. Larry: (to himself) Wow. He drapes the towel around his neck, closes his gym locker and walks off. Xander stares after him in disbelief. Cut to the library. Willow is 'Net surfing on her laptop. Buffy comes out of Giles' office and goes over to her. Buffy: So what's the scuttlebutt? Anybody besides Larry fit our werewolf profile? (sits on the table) Willow: There is one name that keeps getting spit out. Aggressive behavior, run-ins with authorities, about a screenful of violent incidents. Buffy: Okay, most of those were not my fault. Somebody else started 'em. I was just standing up for myself. Willow: (looks up at Buffy) They say it's a good idea to count to ten when you're angry. Buffy: One... Two... Three... Willow: (looks back at her laptop) I'll keep looking. (goes back to work) Buffy: I, um... noticed you were looking solo. Willow: Yeah. Oz wanted to be someplace that was (looks up at Buffy) away... from me. Buffy: I'm sorry. Willow: (leans back in her chair) I can't figure him out. I mean, he's so hot and cold. Or luke-warm and cold. Buffy: Welcome to the mystery that is men. I think it goes something like, they grow body hair, they lose all ability to tell you what they really want. Willow: It doesn't seem like a fair trade. (stands up and puts her laptop in its case) Buffy: Well, if you wanna up the speed quotient with Oz, maybe you need to do something daring. Maybe you need to make the first move. She slides off of the table, and Willow follows her as she gets her stuff for class. Willow: Well, that won't make me a slut? Buffy: I think your reputation will remain intact. Cut to the hall. Willow and Buffy come out of the library. Willow: It used to be so much easier to tell if a boy liked you. He'd punch you on the arm and then run back to his friends. Buffy: Those were the days. Xander: (comes up to them) Hey. They stop. He taps Buffy on the arm. She looks up at him. Willow: I'll see you guys later. (Buffy looks at her) Cordelia asked me to look over her history homework before class. I think that means I might have to *do* it. (goes off) Xander: Wow, those two gals are hanging out a lot together. This would be a good time to panic. Buffy lets out a laugh. They start down the hall. Buffy: So how'd it go with Larry? Xander: What's that supposed to mean? Buffy: I think it's supposed to mean, 'so how'd it go with Larry'? She stops at her locker and reaches for the combination lock. Xander: He's not the werewolf. Can't we just leave it at that? Must you continue to *push* and *push*? Buffy: (opens her locker) I'm sorry. I was just wondering. (takes off her pack) Xander: Well, he's not. Buffy: Okay. Xander: Okay. Buffy: But there goes our lead suspect. (sticks her pack in her locker) Which then puts us right back at (closes the locker) square boned. Xander: You're not boned, you're Buffy. Eradicator of evil. Defender of, um... things that need defending. Buffy: Tell that to Theresa. She could have used my defending before she was ripped apart by that... (stops and considers) Xander: Werewolf. Buffy: Nowhere in any of the reports did it say anything about her being mauled. (looks up at Xander) I mean, they were linked to the animal attacks from the other night, so we just assumed werewolf. Xander: What else should we have assumed? Cut to the funeral home. Theresa is laid out in her coffin with a scarf around her neck. Buffy pulls it back and sees the bite. Buffy: Vampire. Xander: So that's good, right? I mean in the sense of the werewolf didn't get her, and... (gets a look from Buffy) No. There is no good here. Buffy: No good. Instead of not protecting Theresa from the werewolf, (goes over to the guest register) I was able to not protect her from something just as bad. (looks at all the signatures) She had a lot of friends. (takes the pen to add her own) Xander: Buffy, you can't blame yourself for every death that happens in Sunnydale. If it weren't for you people'd be lined up five deep waitin' to get themselves buried. Willow would be Robbie the Robot's love slave, I wouldn't even have a head, (looks at the coffin) and Theresa's a vampire. Theresa sits up, looks over at them and growls. Buffy turns around and sees her hop out of the coffin. She lunges at Theresa, grabs her and tries to wrestle her to the floor, but Theresa throws her down instead. She dives after Buffy and tries to pin her, but Buffy rolls her over and gets on top. She makes a quick grab for a wooden easel holding a flower wreath and breaks off a leg. She's about to thrust it into Theresa's chest when she speaks. Theresa: Angel sends his love. Buffy is caught off guard by that and hesitates a moment. Theresa kicks Buffy's arm and sends the stick flying away. She grabs Buffy by the shoulders, wrestles her onto her back and pins her. Buffy struggles to keep her at bay. Behind her Xander has grabbed the easel and jams one of its legs through Theresa's back. She bursts into ashes. Buffy stares up at Xander. He tosses the easel aside and looks down at her. Buffy looks aside sadly and then rolls over. Buffy: (to herself) Angel. (gets to her knees) Xander: (leans down to her) Are you okay? Buffy: (takes his hand) This isn't happening. (pulls herself up and hugs Xander) He's gonna keep coming after me. Xander: (hugs back gently) Don't let him get to you. He's not the same guy you knew. She pulls back a bit and looks up at him. He looks back kindly. She lets go, picks up her backpack and goes out. Xander stares after her. Xander: Oh, no, my life's not too complicated. He shakes his head and follows her out. Cut to the woods. Cain's van is parked with the curtains drawn across the cab. Cut inside the van. It's set up like a small hunter's lodge, with hunting equipment and traps hanging from the walls and a lab bench full of reloading equipment. He reaches down, picks up a small iron pan and sets it on the bench. He has a Bunsen burner going. He takes a small long-handled melting cup and holds it over the flame. When the metal in the cup has become molten he brings it over to a mold that he's holding over the iron pan with his other hand and pours the silver into it. He sets the melting cup aside and breaks open the mold. Inside is a perfectly formed bullet. He holds it up to inspect it in the dim light. Cut to a shot of the full moon rising. Cut to Oz's dining room. He has a box full of shackles and locks and dumps them out. He looks at them and considers a moment, then with a strengthened resolve starts to put one on. He's about to put the lock on when there's a knocking at the door. He ignores it and looks at the lock. As he moves to put it on there's another knock on the door. He looks at it in frustration and sets the lock and shackles down. The knocking continues insistently as he goes over to the door. When he opens it he finds an irate Willow standing there, ready to knock even more. Oz: Willow! What are you doing? She pushes her way inside. Willow: I had this whole thing worked out. (goes toward the dining room) And I had it written down, uh, but then it didn't make any sense (turns to face him) when I was reading it back. Oz: Willow, this is not a very good time. Willow: I mean, what am I supposed to think? First, you buy me popcorn (paces away) and then you're all glad that I didn't get bit. (paces back) (softly) And you put the tag back in my shirt. (harshly) But I guess none of that means anything because instead of looking up names with me, here you are all alone in your house doing nothing by yourself. Oz: Willow, we'll talk about this tomorrow. I promise. He tries to take hold of her to lead her out, but she shakes him off. Willow: No, damn it! We'll talk about this now! Buffy told me that sometimes what a girl makes has to be the first move and now that I'm saying this, I'm starting to think that the written version sounded pretty good, but you know what I mean. Oz: I know, I know, it's me. I'm, I'm goin' through some... changes. Willow: Well, welcome to the world! Things happen. Don't you think I'm going through a lot? Oz: Not like me. Willow: Oh, what, so now you're special? (paces away into the dining room) You're special boy... (sees the shackles) With chains and stuff. Why do you have chains and stuff? Oz doubles over in pain and hugs his chest. Oz: Willow, please! (heads for the door) Get outta here! She stares at him confused. He falls behind the couch out of her view. There he begins to rapidly grow hair and mutate into a werewolf. Willow: Oz? Oz, what is it? She slowly approaches the couch. Oz's fingers grow longer and hairier. Willow: What's wrong? She hears Oz moaning in pain. She looks carefully over the couch, and Oz the werewolf leaps to his feet and growls at her. She screams and jumps backward away from him. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Oz's living room. Willow screams and starts to run through the dining room. Oz the werewolf gives chase. She runs down the hall and out a back door. Cut to the streets. Willow runs. The werewolf comes around the corner chasing after her. She goes up to a wooden fence, hops up and tries to pull herself over. She's not quite fast enough and only has one leg over when the werewolf catches up. It makes a grab for her leg, but misses as she drops over the other side and manages to land in a crouch on her feet. She sees a couple of metal trashcans there, grabs one and smashes it into the werewolf's face as it tries to climb over after her. Cut to the street. Cain's van rolls slowly along. He looks up and sees the werewolf trying to get over the fence. Cain: There you are. He pulls the van over to the side. Cut to the library. Giles opens a guncase, undoes the straps and pulls out the stock. He grabs the barrel and scope assembly and clicks them into place. Buffy comes walking up behind him. Buffy: Sorry I'm late. I had to do some unscheduled slayage in the form of Theresa. He stops his assembling to look at her. Giles: She's a vampire? Buffy: Was. Angel sent her to me. A little token of his affection. Giles: Buffy, I'm so sorry. Buffy: (holds up her hand) Not now, Giles. We can all have ourselves a good cry after we bag us a werewolf. He plugs in the laser sight and holds the tranquilizer gun up to check the scope. Cut to the woods. Willow runs quickly through the trees with the werewolf not far behind. She hops over a log, but then trips and falls to the ground. She rolls to face the werewolf and looks at it in terror. It doesn't attack, but instead sniffs the air. It looks around for the direction of the scent and rushes off. Willow quickly gets to her feet and runs the other way. Cut to the library. Giles checks the trigger mechanism of the gun. Giles: All set. (grabs a dart) Let's go find this thing. (starts out) Buffy: One question: how exactly do we find this thing? Willow comes barging into the library. Willow: It's Oz! It's Oz! Buffy: Wh-what's Oz? Willow: The werewolf. Giles: Are you certain? Willow: (frantic) Can't you just trust me on this? He-he said he was going through all these changes. Then he went through all these... changes. Buffy: Where is he now? Willow: In the woods. Giles: Let's go. (starts out again) Willow: (grabs and stops him) Go where? You're not gonna kill Oz! Yeah, he's a werewolf, but he doesn't mean to be. Buffy: Don't worry, Willow. We're not going to hurt him. They all start out of the library. Giles: I put enough Phenobarbital in this thing to sink a small elephant. It should be enough for a large werewolf. He grabs his coat from the counter and holds the door open for the girls. Cut to the woods. The werewolf has found what it's looking for. So has Cain, and he cocks his flintlock's hammer back and lifts it to his shoulder. The werewolf gets closer to the pile of meat Cain has left out for him. Cain: That's it. Let me see you. Come on, suppertime. The werewolf is on top of the bait now, and Cain takes aim. Cain: Good, doggy. Now play dead. He is about to pull he trigger when he gets kicked from the side. He falls to the ground, and his gun fires wild. The werewolf looks up from its meal at the commotion. Buffy grabs Cain's gun and wrestles him for it. She flips the rifle over and he follows, landing on his back and letting go of the gun in the process. As he tries to get up Buffy swings the butt of the rifle around and knocks him down and out. The werewolf comes at her, and she ducks his lunge. Giles and Willow arrive to see the werewolf grab Buffy and lift her off of her feet. She pushes him back using Cain's gun to keep from being bitten. Giles tries to get a clear shot, but the werewolf turns and holds Buffy up between them. Willow: Careful! Giles: (can't get a shot) Damn it! He keeps looking for an opening, but is quickly getting frustrated. Buffy raises the rifle high and smashes it down on the werewolf's head. It drops her and falls back stunned. It quickly gets up and swipes at her, knocking the gun from her hands. Then the werewolf shoves Buffy away and right into Giles and Willow, bowling them over. It starts to come at them. Willow scrambles for the tranquilizer gun and brings it up to bear. The werewolf charges, and Willow pulls the trigger. The dart hits it in the chest, and it staggers backward a bit before falling over unconscious. Willow: (looks up at Giles) I shot Oz. Giles: You saved us. He takes the gun from Willow. Buffy walks over to get Cain's gun. He gets to his feet and straightens his coat. Cain: No wonder this town's overrun with monsters. No one here's man enough to kill 'em. Buffy: Oh, I wouldn't be too sure of that. Cain turns to see her with his flintlock. She grabs the end of the barrel and bends it into a nice arc right in front of him and then thrusts it at him. He looks at her in astonishment. Buffy: How about you let the door hit you in the ass on the way out of town? Cain makes a move to go but stops to give her another look. She stares back at him, and then he leaves. She looks down at Willow crouched next to Oz the werewolf and gets down with her. Willow: You think it'll be okay? They both look up at Giles. Giles: He'll be a little sore in the morning, but... he'll be Oz. Cut to Sunnydale High the next day. Cut to the halls. Xander and Buffy walk past the trophy case and into the lounge. Xander: This is all so weird. I mean, how are we supposed to act when we see him? Buffy: Well, it's gotta be weird for him, too. Now that we know so much. Xander: All I know is I'll never be able to look at him the same again. Buffy: He's still a human being. Most of the time. They stop at the vending machine. Xander: Who are we talking about? Buffy: Oz. Who are you talking about? Xander: No one. He sees Larry's jock friends by the stairs knocking a girl's books out of her hands and laughing. Larry comes down the stairs behind her and quickly reaches down to help her pick up her books. Larry: Hey, let me get those. Girl: Thanks. His friends give him a surprised look. So does Buffy. Larry comes over to them. Larry: Hey! Xander. Look, about what you did. I, I owe you. Buffy: What'd you do? Xander: It's really nothing we should be talking about. (to Larry) Ever. Larry: I know, I know. It's just, well, (pats him on the arm) thanks. (walks off) Buffy: That was weird. They go to a table and sit. Xander: What, it's not okay for one guy to like another guy just because he happened to be in the locker room with him when absolutely nothing happened and I thought I told you not to push. Buffy: All I meant is that he didn't try to look up my skirt. Xander: (fidgets with is hands) Oh, oh, yeah, that's, that's the weirdness. (smiles nervously) Buffy: Weirdness abounds lately. Maybe it's the moon. That does stuff to people. Xander: I've heard that. Buffy: (sees Willow walk by) Certainly gonna put a strain on Willow and Oz's relationship. Xander: What relationship? I mean, what life could they possibly have together? (counts off on his fingers) We're talking obedience school, paper training, Oz is always in back burying their things, and that kind of breed can turn on its owner. Buffy: I don't know. I kinda see Oz as the loyal type. Xander: All I'm saying is she's not safe with him. If it were up to me... Buffy: (interrupts) Xander... Cut outside to Willow walking over to Oz sitting on a table. Buffy: It's not up to you. Willow: Hey. Oz: Hey. Willow: Did you want to go first? Oz: I spoke to Giles. He said I'll be okay. I just have to lock myself up around the full moon. Only he used more words than that. And a globe. Willow: I'm sorry about how all this ended up. With me shooting you and all. Oz: It's okay. I'm, I'm sorry I almost ate you. Willow: It's okay. I kind of thought you would have told me. Oz: I didn't know what to say. I mean, it's not everyday you find out you're a werewolf. That's fairly freaksome. It may take a couple days getting used to. Willow: Yeah. It's a complication. Oz: So... (hops off of the table and they walk) Maybe it'd be best if I just... sorta... Willow: What? Oz: Well, you know, like, stayed out of your way for awhile. Willow: I don't know. I'm kind of okay with you being *in* my way. Oz: (stops and faces her) You mean, you'd still... Willow: Well, I like you. You're nice and you're funny. And you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either. Oz: You are quite the human. Willow: (smiles) So, I'd still if you'd still. Oz: I'd still. I'd *very* still. Willow: (smiles widely) Okay. (more seriously) No biting, though. Oz: Agreed. Willow walks off with a smile on her face. Oz turns around and watches her go. He smiles. Then he looks surprised to see her rushing back. She looks at him for an instant and then plants a kiss right on his lips. He watches her with a smile as she goes off again. Oz: A werewolf in love.
Plan: A: the Scoobies; Q: Who discovers that Oz is a werewolf? A: Buffy; Q: Who tries to protect Sunnydale residents from the werewolf's savagery? A: the savage beast; Q: Who does Buffy try to protect from a bounty hunter? A: Angelus; Q: Who stirs up trouble for Buffy? Summary: There's a werewolf at large in Sunnydale and the Scoobies discover that it's Oz . Buffy tries to protect Sunnydale residents from the beast's savagery, and protect the savage beast from a bounty hunter who doesn't care that his target is human 28 days out of 31. Meanwhile, Angelus stirs up more trouble for Buffy. Willow convinces Oz she still wants to see him, despite everything.
INVASION OF THE DINOSAURS BY: MALCOLM HULKE PART THREE 5:30pm - 5:55pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. POWER SUB-STATION (The DOCTOR suddenly spins round as he hears a loud roar behind him. A Tyrannosaurus has been materialised and looms over the DOCTOR. He swiftly aims his stun-gun at it and tries firing again and again but with no result.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Fire! (The troops start to launch the grenades at the new arrival as it swoops down towards the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR fires again but once more without effect. He tries to make a run for it, ducking under the railings but an explosion from a grenade is too close and it knocks him forward and slightly stuns him. He staggers forward and falls at a safe distance from any more grenades.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Fire! (YATES draws his pistol and runs forward.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To the soldiers.) ... Captain Yates! (The DOCTOR watches dazed as YATES, immediately under the Tyrannosaurus reaches out for the stun gun. He takes the disc off the front and aims upwards at the reptile. He fires and the gun buzzes. The Tyrannosaurus' eyes start to flicker as the shot takes effect. YATES gets up and runs over to the DOCTOR. They watch as the dinosaur collapses in an unconscious heap on the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. CONTROL ROOM (Some time later, a furious YATES has returned to the control room and taps the returned disc in front of an unfazed WHITAKER.) CAPTAIN YATES: You tried to murder him! You deliberately materialised a savage monster knowing it would attack him! BUTLER: An unavoidable mistake. CAPTAIN YATES: Oh, that was no mistake. I warned you I wouldn't have the Doctor harmed. BUTLER: Well, you sabotaged the stun gun. CAPTAIN YATES: I agreed to delay his experiments - not to kill him! BUTLER: Captain Yates, may I remind you - you were the one who said he was such a danger to us. (YATES turns to a brooding WHITAKER and pleads.) CAPTAIN YATES: Let me tell him everything, explain to him what we're trying to do? He'll be sympathetic. He might even help us. PROFESSOR WHITAKER: No, that's out of the question. BUTLER: If he doesn't agree with us, what happens then? CAPTAIN YATES: There's no need to kill him. PROFESSOR WHITAKER: He must be delayed. Now once the temporal energy has dispersed, the creature will return to its own time...and the Doctor's instruments will lead him straight to us. Now what stage has he reached? CAPTAIN YATES: They've taken the creature to a hanger on the fringe of the zone. BUTLER: Then you'd, er, better get over there, Captain Yates. CAPTAIN YATES: To do what? BUTLER: Er, more sabotage, I'm afraid. (Angrily, YATES turns to walk out.) BUTLER: All you have to do is to ensure that the Doctor's instruments don't function. The creature will return to its own time, the Doctor will learn nothing and we shall have the delay we need. CAPTAIN YATES: And the Doctor won't be harmed? PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Of course not. (YATES considers.) CAPTAIN YATES: I'll do what I can. (YATES almost runs out leaving a brooding WHITAKER.) PROFESSOR WHITAKER: I'm not satisfied with that young man's loyalty. He's far too concerned about this precious Doctor of his. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER (The Tyrannosaurus Rex lies on its side in the hanger, held down by heavy chains. Its massive bulk gently moves in and out as it breathes. Around it, on stands, are a number of sensors being put in place by the DOCTOR. His work finished, he walks into a side office.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER OFFICE (Here the BRIGADIER and SARAH wait. Through a set of observation windows, they can look out on the sleeping dinosaur.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: All set up then, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, I think so. (He looks out of the window at the Tyrannosaurus.) DOCTOR: Mind you, that creature isn't what I wanted at all. What I really wanted was a Brontosaurus. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What's the difference? DOCTOR: The difference, Brigadier, is that the Brontosaurus is a placid vegetarian, whereas the Tyrannosaurus is the largest and fiercest flesh eater ever known on your planet. SARAH: It will stay asleep, won't it, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, for a while. (He sits at a desk on which he has placed the small console of his monitoring equipment.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Don't you worry, Miss Smith, those chains will hold him down. (He sits at another desk at right angles to the DOCTOR'S.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, Doctor, now what do we do? DOCTOR: Oh, we sit back and wait for it to dematerialise. SARAH: Then perhaps I can have your attention? DOCTOR: Carry on, Sarah, I'm all ears. (Nevertheless he continues working.) SARAH: Well I've been checking up into this whole question of time travel... DOCTOR: Well then, you should have come to me. I know all about time travel. SARAH: Ah, I know you know about it, but what I'm interested in, Doctor, is other people who know about it. DOCTOR: Oh, are there any? SARAH: Oh, one or two have dabbled. DOCTOR: Oh, fascinating. The trouble is the Blinovitch limitation effect. If they could overcome that they're problem's ..... SARAH: (Interrupts.) I think someone has. (The DOCTOR looks at her.) DOCTOR: What - on this planet? SARAH: (Tuts.) This is the only one I've been able to check up on, Doctor! DOCTOR: Oh, yes, yes, of course. Er, let's see now, there was this, er, there was this Chinese scientist called Chun Sen - oh, hang about, he hasn't been born yet, has he? (SARAH interrupts quickly again.) SARAH: Quite, but there is a man called Whitaker. Now he's the leading scientist in this field. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Whitaker - that name rings a bell. SARAH: He claimed to have developed a workable theory of time travel. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I remember - he applied for a big government grant. It was refused. DOCTOR: Oh, why? SARAH: Well, Whitaker was always an outsider, always mixed up in quarrels with other scientists. No one believed his theory would work. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, that's right. All the government scientific advisors said the fellow was a crank. Well what about him? SARAH: He's disappeared. (Both men sit up with interest.) DOCTOR: Has he indeed? SARAH: About six months ago, he completely vanished. I checked with my newspaper contacts up north - no trace. DOCTOR: And you think he could be behind all this? SARAH: Well, it's a possibility. He was a brilliant scientist, and he must have been bitterly disappointed when the government refused that grant. DOCTOR: You could be right, Sarah. It's worth checking up on. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, I'll get on to it. Intelligence records may have something on him. DOCTOR: Yeah, I'd like to see the application for that grant - see the man's working papers. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, they must be on file somewhere. (He heads for the door which leads outside the hanger.) DOCTOR: Oh, Brigadier, have your fellows brought the TARDIS back to UNIT HQ for me yet? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, should be there by now. DOCTOR: Could you give me a run down there? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, of course. DOCTOR: Good, thanks, there's one or two things inside I think I might need. (He gets up and picks up his cloak.) SARAH: Oh, what about your little pet out there? DOCTOR: Oh, he'll be alright for a while. (To the BRIGADIER.) Have you placed guards? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: General Finch has lent me a squad. DOCTOR: Good. SARAH: But suppose it dematerialises while you're not here? DOCTOR: Then my instruments will obtain the necessary readings. Coming? SARAH: Yes, yes. (The DOCTOR strides out.) SARAH: Er, Brigadier? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Mmm? SARAH: Can I bring a camera back here with me? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Whatever for? SARAH: Well, for my story. I'm a journalist, remember? You don't think I'm going to miss an opportunity like this? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I am sorry, Miss Smith. This whole affair's under strict security black-out. You can take your photographs when the crisis is passed. (He walks out, once more leaving a frustrated SARAH behind.) SARAH: Oh! When the crisis is passed, there won't be anything to photograph! (With a last look at the Tyrannosaurus she leaves. After a moment, the door opens from the hanger itself and CAPTAIN YATES enters. He moves over to the DOCTOR'S monitoring equipment.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY (The DOCTOR has returned to the science laboratory at the school. The TARDIS has been placed in the corner. The BRIGADIER has shown GROVER and FINCH into the room where the DOCTOR and SARAH are. She has discarded her brown jacket and wears a black leather one instead. She is writing her notes for her story.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The Minister has some information for you, Doctor - about this elusive fellow Whitaker. DOCTOR: Have you, sir? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I was chairman of the committee that considered his application for a government grant. DOCTOR: So you've seen his working papers? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Oh, yes, not that I understood them, of course, but my scientific colleagues on the committee assured me that they were utter nonsense. DOCTOR: Oh, so you don't think that he could be behind what's been happening here? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Oh, out of the question. I'm afraid the poor fellow's just a harmless crank. SARAH: Oh, that's not what I've heard, Minister. According to my sources he's a brilliant scientist. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: May I ask what are your sources? SARAH: His colleagues at Oxford, the science correspondent of "The Times" and the editor of "Nature". CHARLES GROVER M.P.: He may be brilliant at other fields, Miss Smith, but as far as his time travel theory is concerned, I was assured it's worthless. (He turns to the DOCTOR, leaving a SARAH annoyed at her contribution once more being ignored.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Doctor, I understand that you have set up an experiment which may give us the answer to all this? DOCTOR: Yeah, well, it's a possibility, Minister, but I can't guarantee it. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I'd be very interested to hear about it. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, why don't we go to my office, sir? It'll be more comfortable there. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Thank you very much. DOCTOR: That's a good idea. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: General Finch? GENERAL FINCH: I must be getting back to HQ, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: This way, sir. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Thank you. (The BRIGADIER leads the DOCTOR and GROVER out, leaving SARAH alone with FINCH. He picks up his cap and gloves to leave.) SARAH: Isn't it marvellous! The one real clue to this whole business and they totally ignore it. (FINCH puts his cap and gloves down. He seems to unbend a little towards SARAH.) GENERAL FINCH: I'm interested, Miss Smith. Where is this fellow, Whitaker? SARAH: Well, that's just it, you see. No one knows. GENERAL FINCH: No one? SARAH: He vanished about six months ago. Just upped and left home. GENERAL FINCH: Well, people do disappear, change their names, start a new life for themselves... SARAH: No, it's too big a coincidence. I'm not going to let go of this. GENERAL FINCH: Well, what can you do? SARAH: Keep looking until I find him. I'll make them believe me! (FINCH smiles.) SARAH: The Brigadier's being completely uncooperative. He wouldn't even let me get some photographs of that monster they've got chained down. GENERAL FINCH: Well, you've got a pass, haven't you? SARAH: Oh! I tried! When I got back there, they wouldn't let me in - said I had to have a special pass. GENERAL FINCH: Special army pass from my HQ. SARAH: Er, you couldn't give me a pass, could you? Oh, I wouldn't publish anything until it was all over and I got proper permission. GENERAL FINCH: Oh, don't carry passes about with me, you know? (He thinks, smiles again and picks up a notepad.) GENERAL FINCH: Look, take this to my HQ. (He takes a pen out of his pocket and starts to write.) GENERAL FINCH: See my adjutant. He'll fix you up. SARAH: (Delighted.) Oh, that's marvellous! Where is your HQ? (FINCH carries on writing.) GENERAL FINCH: Show this to my driver. He'll take you there. SARAH: Oh, what about you? (He passes her the note.) GENERAL FINCH: I've got one or two things to settle here. SARAH: Thank you. (She grabs her bag and leaves. FINCH watches her go and smiles...) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER (YATES walks into the main body of the hanger, towards the stunned dinosaur. Its mouth lies open showing its huge teeth as it roars gently in its sleep.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY (The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER go back into the science laboratory from their meeting with GROVER. The DOCTOR opens a series of bottles, examining pills within them.) DOCTOR: What a charming fellah. You know, it's lucky for you, Brigadier, that somebody with some sense is in charge of this operation. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Unfortunately General Finch is in charge of the military side. DOCTOR: Yes, quite. Where's Sarah? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Maybe General Finch took her out to dinner? DOCTOR: Hmm! Didn't look like the beginnings of a beautiful friendship to me. (The BRIGADIER smiles and starts to leave by the other door.) DOCTOR: Oh, by the way, Brigadier? I've got to get down to the hanger. Can you lend me a jeep? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes. (He comes back into the room and picks up a phone.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Er, Brigadier speaking - lay on a jeep for the Doctor, will you? Oh, and did you see Miss Smith leave here? (He listens.) Oh, thank you. (He puts the phone down.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: She went off in the General's car. (The DOCTOR raises his eyebrows...) DOCTOR: Oh? [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER OFFICE (With a case of camera equipment, SARAH bustles into the hanger office. She looks out of the window at the sleeping monster and smiles. She goes back to the case and takes out a camera with a flashgun attached to it. Putting the strap of the camera over her neck, she goes to the observation window, aims and takes a picture.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER (Within the main body of the hanger, another flash from the camera causes the eyelids of the Tyrannosaurus to move back. Its head moves slightly and it blinks as another flash hits it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER OFFICE (SARAH checks her camera, adjusts her position and takes another picture. She thinks for a second and then moves through the second door into the hanger.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER (The monster's breathing is becoming more pronounced as SARAH walks up to it and aims the lens once more. SARAH takes several more shots of the bulk of the dinosaur's body, thus missing the signs of its rapid recovery. SARAH kneels down to change her film as behind her the Tyrannosaurus tries to rise. The chains easily give way and their clanking alters SARAH to the danger. She screams and runs back towards the office as the Tyrannosaurus roars.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER OFFICE (SARAH runs through the office and makes for the second door as the dinosaur roars even louder. She finds the door has been locked shut from the other side. She bangs on the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER (The Tyrannosaurus rises fully upwards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER OFFICE (SARAH turns and sees the monster roaring through the window at her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. ROAD (The DOCTOR drives himself in a jeep past some abandoned industrial units. He turns a corner into a deserted residential road.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER OFFICE (The Tyrannosaurus continues to roar through the window at SARAH. She again bangs on the door.) SARAH: (Shouts.) Help! Someone! Open the door! Help! Open the door! ... ! (She looks at the monster. It seems to turn and she presses herself into the corner of the door, trying to put herself out of sight.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER (The Tyrannosaurus' tail swings round, hitting the walls of the office.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER OFFICE (SARAH screams and starts to bang on the door again.) SARAH: (Shouts.) Help! Someone please! (The tail swings again hitting the window frame.) SARAH: Help me! I can't get out! The door's stuck! Help me! (The tail swings again and the glass and frame cave in. The shock causes a lintel above the door also to fall onto SARAH'S head. She falls to the floor unconscious as the dinosaur pokes its massive head through the destroyed window frame. The door to the office opens and the DOCTOR comes in as SARAH starts to come round. He grabs her arm to yank her to her feet.) DOCTOR: Come on, up! Come on! (SARAH is almost sobbing as he leads her from the room.) DOCTOR: Come on, get up, that's it! [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER (Its meal departed, the Tyrannosaurus rears fully upwards, dislodging some of the girders in the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. HANGER (The DOCTOR half drags SARAH with him as he runs at full pace along the edge of the hanger and towards his jeep.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER (The Tyrannosaurus dislodges more of the roof girders.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. HANGER (The DOCTOR and SARAH carry on running. SARAH is only just managing to stay on her feet.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER (The Tyrannosaurus moves forward.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. HANGER (The two reach the jeep. The DOCTOR puts SARAH into the passenger seat. As he runs to the driver's seat, SARAH dizzily puts a hand to her bruised head. She is fully woken as the brick-walled side of the hanger suddenly bursts outwards as the Tyrannosaurus tries to break out of the building. Its head and torso emerging, it roars down at the two as the DOCTOR starts to jeep up.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY (Having made it safely back to the school, the DOCTOR puts a compress on SARAH'S head. She is very shaken. The BRIGADIER watches.) DOCTOR: Well, it's a nasty bump. Nothing too serious. How do you feel? SARAH: (Scared.) Do you realise - somebody tried to kill me?! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Quietly.) I don't want to seem unsympathetic Miss Smith, but you have only got yourself to blame. SARAH: Well somebody locked that door so I couldn't get out. DOCTOR: Well, she's right, you know, Brigadier - that door was bolted on the outside. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Maybe one of the soldiers didn't realise she was in there? (BENTON comes into the room with another soldier who carries the console of the DOCTOR'S monitoring equipment.) SERGEANT BENTON: Here we are, Doctor. Hasn't been knocked about too much. DOCTOR: Thanks, Sergeant. Put it down there, will you? (The soldier places the console on the lab bench indicated and the DOCTOR immediately starts to look over it.) DOCTOR: When the creature vanished, it was still in the electrical force-field, Brigadier, so we should learn something. (BENTON goes over to the BRIGADIER and holds up the chains from the hanger.) SERGEANT BENTON: We found this, sir. (One of the links has plainly been cut through. The BRIGADIER takes it and starts to look over it.) SERGEANT BENTON: They were all like that - cut clean through. (The DOCTOR turns round from his console.) DOCTOR: And this machine's been sabotaged. There's not a single reading. (Realising the implications, the BRIGADIER calls over to the soldier who came in with BENTON.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Dismissed! (The soldier walks out and BENTON starts to follow.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No, not you, Benton. (The DOCTOR waits for the departing soldier to shut the door.) DOCTOR: Well, at least we've learnt something, Brigadier - somebody inside this organisation is working against us. SERGEANT BENTON: Yes, but what I can't understand, sir, is why should anyone want to cut those chains? DOCTOR: It was a deliberate attempt on Sarah's life. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Why should anybody want to kill her? SERGEANT BENTON: They were probably after you, Doctor. I mean, they expected you to go back there. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, of course, that'll be it. Well, Doctor, any suggestions? DOCTOR: Yes, I shall build another detector. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We haven't got to capture another dinosaur? DOCTOR: No, no. No, this time I'm going to try something different. I'm going to build a portable device to detect that power source. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well why didn't you do that in the first place? DOCTOR: Because, Brigadier, it cannot be as accurate or as powerful as this would have been. But it could give us the general direction. SARAH: Doctor? Exactly how much energy would be needed to make these things appear? DOCTOR: Oh, something like a small nuclear generator. SARAH: Then why don't we look for one? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Miss Smith, that was one of the first things that occurred to me. I made a thorough check and I can assure you that there are no unaccounted for nuclear generators in the central London area. DOCTOR: No, he's right you know, Sarah. It is pretty unlikely, isn't it? (SARAH looks pale and tired.) DOCTOR: Look, why don't you try and get some rest, uh? SARAH: Alright. (She goes to the door and waits as the DOCTOR goes into the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Right, I'll be getting on with it. (The BRIGADIER checks his watch.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I've got yet another planning conference with General Finch. Look after Miss Smith, Benton. SERGEANT BENTON: Right, sir. (He opens the door for the BRIGADIER...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Thank you. (...who leaves.) SERGEANT BENTON: (To SARAH.) Well, would you like a cup of tea or anything? SARAH: Typical! Run away and play while the grown-ups get on with the real work! SERGEANT BENTON: What do you mean? SARAH: The power's coming from somewhere, right? So there must be an independent source? (Her head still sore, she sits at the bench.) SERGEANT BENTON: I suppose so, but where would you start... SARAH: So if it is a nuclear reactor it would have been designed and assembled and all that could be traced - there'd be records. SERGEANT BENTON: The Brigadier's checked all that, Miss. (SARAH hangs her head in a mixture of pain and annoyance.) SARAH: Oh... SERGEANT BENTON: If there was anything there then he would have found it. SARAH: Well maybe it was all secret. SERGEANT BENTON: Too secret for the Brigadier to know about? (This makes sense to SARAH.) SARAH: Yes, why not? Can you get me some transport? SERGEANT BENTON: Oh no, I couldn't do that... SARAH: (Pouts.) Oh, they told you to look after me. Come on! SERGEANT BENTON: Well, where do you want to go and what shall I tell the Doctor? SARAH: Well, tell him... (She smiles.) SARAH: Tell him I've gone out to play, hmm? Come on! (She heads for the door. BENTON closes his eyes, mouths "On no!" and follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. CHARLES GROVER'S OFFICE (CHARLES GROVER opens the door of his small but ornate and pleasant Whitehall office. SARAH is there.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Come in! What a pleasant surprise. (They shake hands.) SARAH: Erm, I don't suppose you remember, Minister, but we met briefly at UNIT? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: You're far too modest, Miss Smith. Of course I remember. (He closes the door and shows her in.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I'm sorry you had to find your own way here but I'm down to a skeleton staff. (He pulls forward a chair for her.) SARAH: Oh, thank you. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: However, I can offer you a cup of tea. (On a sideboard in the alcove next to the fireplace is a kettle and several cups.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: We have our own little generator down in the basement - petrol driven. Can I get you a cup? SARAH: Er, no, not at the moment, thank you. (GROVER sits behind his desk.) SARAH: I'm sorry to bother you like this, but you seem to be the only member of the government still in London. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Oh, I am. The rest all shot off to Harrogate, but I told the Prime Minister if I'm in charge, I'm going to stay here - on the spot. (He smiles.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Now, what can I do for you? SARAH: Well, you know the Doctor's theory about these materialisations - they must need a tremendous energy force. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Yes? SARAH: Well the Doctor said it would have to be something like a nuclear generator...and that started me remembering something. Wasn't there a plan once to build underground quarters for the government in the event of an atomic war? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Yes, back in the cold war days. Oh, I see what you're getting at. Oh, I don't think any of them were ever built, you know? SARAH: Are you sure of that? Each of those places was to have its own nuclear generator. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: (Thinks.) That's right. I was a junior backbencher at the time but I remember...plans were made...and then shelved when the situation eased. (SARAH stands, caught up in the excitement of her latest idea.) SARAH: But suppose one was built, right here in London? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: That's a very ingenious theory, young lady. What does the Brigadier think about it, or the Doctor? SARAH: I'm not telling anyone about it - until I can get some evidence. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I wonder...if it could have happened as you say? SARAH: Oh, I thought if I came to you, you could help me check up on it. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: And so I can. (He nods to a door at the back of his office.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: In there are confidential ministerial files going back years. Let's take a look. (SARAH suppresses her excitement as GROVER shows her to the filing room door. He opens it and ushers her in.) SARAH: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. FILING ROOM (The small room is filled with filing cabinets. SARAH immediately starts to look over them - therefore failing to see an inner door which slides shut across the panelled office door.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Fantastic filing system they have in here. I hardly understand it myself but then of course I've only been a minister for six months. (SARAH smiles politely but is busy looking at an index.) SARAH: Could it be this - "Top secret construction projects"? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I wonder? Number two, three, nine, five. Now that should be over here somewhere. (He opens a drawer and pulls out a file.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: No, there's nothing here. This is all about building RAF early warning stations in Scotland. SARAH: Well, perhaps one of the other files in the same category? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Oh, we can but look. (He pulls out another file and looks over it in astonishment.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Good lord! You're right - look! (He places the file on top of a cabinet and the two start to look through its contents.) SARAH: They built it twenty years ago, right in the centre of London. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: And there's a map here, showing its exact position. SARAH: Well, there's Whitehall, so this must... (She traces the position on the map.) SARAH: It's here...it's right here! It must be under this building! (GROVER goes and presses a button to open the sliding door. Smiling, SARAH turns to leave...) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. BUNKER. PASSAGE OUTSIDE FILING ROOM LIFT (...but her smile disappears when she sees that through the door is not the office but instead a passageway of concrete buttresses, brick walls painted red and wall and ceiling lights.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: After you, Miss Smith. (He pushes her out of the lift room and into the passageway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY (The DOCTOR comes out of the TARDIS. He goes to one of the doors and calls down the corridor.) DOCTOR: Sergeant? Sergeant Benton? (BENTON comes in to answer the summons.) SERGEANT BENTON: Yes, Doctor? DOCTOR: Look, I'll need some more electronic equipment. Can you organise it? SERGEANT BENTON: Yes, of course. DOCTOR: Ah, thanks very much. (He goes to the bench to start writing his list of requirements.) DOCTOR: How's Miss Smith? SERGEANT BENTON: Oh, fine, as far as I know. DOCTOR: Er, did you give her somewhere to rest? SERGEANT BENTON: Well, she didn't want to rest. I...I got her some transport and she shot off somewhere. DOCTOR: Oh, where? SERGEANT BENTON: She wouldn't say. She said to tell you she'd gone out to play! (The DOCTOR looks sharply at him and sighs.) DOCTOR: You know sometimes that girl baffles me! [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. BUNKER. ROOM (SARAH has been taken to a small square room. Painted red within, it has a small blue light on each of its four walls and a black chair in the middle. Apart from that, it is bare. BUTLER has joined her and GROVER.) SARAH: You're mad - you're absolutely raving mad! CHARLES GROVER M.P.: On the contrary, Miss Smith. My associates and I are on the only ones who are sane. SARAH: Creating monsters in central London? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: There's a very good reason for it - which you'll one day learn. Now I'm afraid I must leave you. (He and BUTLER head for the door.) SARAH: They'll find me, you know? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I very much doubt it, Miss Smith - not where you're going. (They leave. SARAH tries the door but then sits in the chair to think. After a second, the ceiling lights in the room dim and the blue wall lights start to flash in a hypnotic sequence. Starting to feel overcome, SARAH swings the chair round to face first one wall, then another but she cannot escape the effect of the lights. Her head starts to sway and her eyes become unfocussed...) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. CHAMBER (SARAH comes round to see a dark-haired good-looking young man staring down at her. He wears a white T-shirt and a blue denim jacket and jeans. He smiles at her.) MARK: Welcome, sister. SARAH: Who are you? (She looks round in confusion. She is on a black leather trolley in a brightly lit control chamber which is predominantly pale blue and white. Screens partition the room and there are comfortable blue leather seats. The whole room has a futuristic but sterile look to it.) SARAH: Where am I? MARK: My name is Mark. I welcome you to the people. (SARAH sits up. Her clothes have been changed and she too wears a blue denim suit.) SARAH: What people? MARK: You'll soon remember. SARAH: And where is this? MARK: (Puzzled.) The spaceship? You see, it's all come true. (SARAH'S voice starts to contain an element of panic.) SARAH: Now what's going on? Where am I? MARK: We're on our way. (MARK walks over to a small hatch in the wall beneath which are a set of controls. He presses one to open the hatch.) MARK: Soon we shall arrive on the planet that's to be our new home. SARAH: Planet? Spaceship? What are you talking about? (Somewhat groggily, SARAH moves over to the hatch and looks out in astonishment.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: SPACE (It is a window looking out on to the blackness of space with a small planet in the distance.) MARK: (OOV.) We left Earth three months ago.
Plan: A: the Doctor's equipment; Q: What does Yates sabotage to stop the Doctor from finding Whitaker's base? A: Whitaker's base; Q: What is the location of the base that the Doctor is trying to find? A: Sarah; Q: Who is in danger when the tyrannosaur escapes? Summary: Yates sabotages the Doctor's equipment to stop him finding the location of Whitaker's base but then the tyrannosaur escapes, placing Sarah in danger.
[Scene: Law Firm. Office. Night. Larry and Paige are there. Larry is sitting at his desk signing papers and Paige is standing beside him.] Paige: Okay, sign there... and there... and give me your John Hancock right there. And you're done. Larry: Great. And what about the Smith case? Paige: Settled. Larry: And the amendments to my living trust. Paige: Filed. Larry: Did you take care of my donation to the... Paige: Children's foundation. Got it covered. It's going through in the morning and may I say that is a very generous donation. Larry: Yeah, well, it's the least I can do, believe me. I don't think I could have gone through all this without you, Paige, you have been a miracle worker. Paige: Thank you. You should have seen me at my other temp jobs if you want to see miracles. (Larry pulls an envelope out of a drawer.) Larry: This is for you. (He hands it to you.) It's just my way of saying thank you. Paige: I really couldn't. Larry: Just take it. I know a good soul when I see one. Paige: Thank you. (Larry looks at the clock. 11:57.) Larry: So, you better go. I'm sure your family would never forgive me if I kept you here past midnight. Paige: Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow. (Paige leaves the room. Larry stares at the clock.) Larry: I wouldn't count on it. [Cut to the hallway. Paige walks over to the elevator and pushes the button. She looks inside the envelope to find several hundred dollar bills.] [Cut to Larry's office. The clock changes to 12:00 and a demon flames in. Paige walks in. The demon throws Larry to the floor.] Larry: Behind you! (A demon holding an energy ball stands behind Paige, ready to attack. Paige turns around grabs the demon's arm and throws him against the wall. The demon lands on his own energy ball and is vanquished. The other demon creates an energy ball and faces Paige.) No! Wait! (Larry jumps in front of Paige and the demon throws the energy ball, hitting Larry.) Paige: Larry? Demon: Forget it, witch, you lost him. (The demon flames out. Larry's soul exits his body. Paige kneels down beside his body.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Wyatt are there. Piper is feeding Wyatt.] Piper: Let's try just a little bit. (Phoebe walk in.) Phoebe: Good morning. (Phoebe kisses Wyatt.) So how was your date? (Phoebe drops her laptop, handbag and shoes on the table.) Piper: Don't ask. You need a hand? Phoebe: Uh, sure, if you want to get my car washed, go to the dry cleaners for me, and go to work for me too, that would be great. Piper: Sure, if you go run the club for me, go to the dentist, and raise Wyatt for me. Phoebe: Today I would trade with you in a second. Do you remember Spencer Ricks? That slimy advice columnist? Piper: Uh, the one you turned into a turkey? Phoebe: Uh, yeah, well, I should have kept him that way. Elise just hired him away from the competition to work with me. (Phoebe smiles at Wyatt.) Look how handsome he looks. Piper: Why would she do that? Phoebe: I don't know. I guess to promote his hiring, she wants us to pick a letter and each give advice on it. So, you know, one, sensitive and caring and the other one, chauvinistic and... Piper: Slimy? Phoebe: Thank you. I have half a mind to call Jason and complain about it but I don't want to use our relationship for leverage. Piper: What's the use of sleeping with your boss then? Phoebe: Because I actually enjoy sleeping with my boss. Piper: Yeah, don't brag. Phoebe: Not getting any is making you bitter. Piper: Hello, hi, excuse me. Phoebe: Oh, he doesn't know what we're talking about. He's ten months old, he thinks we're talking about milk for god's sakes. Piper: Phoebe, he conjured a dragon, I wouldn't put anything past him. Phoebe: That's a good point. Piper: Now if he can only find a way to keep guys from bolting every time they lay eyes on him. It's not easy dating as a single mum. Phoebe: Oh, come on, there's got to be lots of guys out there that like kids. Piper: Yeah, I haven't met any so far, so I'm just gonna cut to the chase. I've got three dates lined up, they're all gonna meet Wyatt on the first date, and if they don't like it, tough. Phoebe: You could always turn them into a turkey. (Phoebe holds up a potion. Paige walks in through the back door.) Where you been? (Paige keeps walking.) Paige? [Cut to the dining room. Phoebe follows Paige.] Phoebe: Paige? What happened? What's the matter? (Paige walks to the bottom of the stairs.) Paige: What time is it? Phoebe: Eight. Were you out all night? Paige: Yeah, I guess I was. (In the dining room, Piper puts Wyatt in his playpen.) Piper: You hang on right there. Phoebe: Okay, sit down here for a second. (Phoebe and Paige sit on the step. Piper walks in.) Talk to us. Paige: I lost an innocent last night, a demon killed him right in front of me. Phoebe: Oh, god. Piper: At your temp job? Paige: Yeah. I should have seen it coming. Every other job someone's wound up needing my help. I just don't know why I didn't see it. Paige: Well, maybe you weren't meant to. Paige: No, I was, I just didn't. Even worse, when I tried to save him, he wound up saving me. I just wish I knew what was going on. Why they were after Larry in the first place and how he knew they were coming for him. Piper: What do you mean he knew? Paige: He just did. He was finalising his will, making donations, trying to get me out of there, he knew. Phoebe: How could he have known? Piper: I don't know, unless maybe he wasn't so innocent, which is probably why you weren't meant to save him. Paige: No, I don't believe that. Phoebe: Look, Paige, even if he was an innocent, you can't save everybody. I mean, that's just the lesson we've all had to learn unfortunately. Paige: I know. Piper: Paige, you can't blame yourself for what happened. If you were meant to save him, you would have. You have to believe that. Paige: I can't. (Paige goes upstairs.) [Scene: Alley. Leo is there. He walks over to a brick wall and touches it. Suddenly, Chris falls out of the wall through a portal and lands on Leo.] Chris: Leo, what are you doing here? Leo: Get off of me. (Leo pushes him off.) Chris: Are you following me again? (They stand up.) I thought we were past these issues. Leo: What is that? Chris: That? Nothing. Leo: No? (Leo grabs Chris's arm and shoves his head in the portal. He pulls Chris back out and he's wearing a knight's helmet.) What the hell? (Chris lifts up the face guard.) Chris: Long story. (He takes off the helmet and throws it in the portal.) Leo: What is that? A time portal? Is that what that is? What are you using that for? Chris: I don't have to answer that. Leo: I thought you said you had nothing to hide. Chris: I don't have to answer that either. Leo: Wanna bet? (Leo grabs Chris and they both go into the portal.) [Cut to a large rocky mountain. Leo and Chris fall out of it and roll down it. They stop rolling and get up.] Leo: Where are we? Chris: How the hell should I know? That's what I was trying to tell you, I don't know how to control it. Leo: Yeah. (They hear a roar and Chris looks behind him. He runs off. Leo looks around and sees a Tyrannosaurus Rex heading straight for them. He runs off too.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Law Firm. Hallway. Paige is there talking to Larry's wife.] Paige: So if there's anything I can do. Mrs. Henderson: Thank you. I just can't believe that he's gone. Paige: I know. Mrs. Henderson: I'm just grateful that he wasn't alone when it happened. I know he didn't know you very long but I'm glad you were with him. Paige: I just wish I had have gotten there sooner. Mrs. Henderson: There's nothing you could have done. He had a heart attack, it was his time I guess. Paige: Yeah, I'm not so sure about that. I just, I mean, that he was so young. And from everything that people have said, he was just this great guy, you know, it just doesn't seem fair. Mrs. Henderson: No, it doesn't, does it? Paige: So, Mrs. Henderson, I feel weird asking you this, but was he acting any differently before... (A woman approaches Mrs. Henderson.) Woman: I'm sorry, I have to go now but if there's anything you need just call me. Mrs. Henderson: Yeah, okay, thank you. (They hug and the woman leaves.) Paige: I don't mean to be taking up all your time. (Paige starts to leave.) Mrs. Henderson: No, wait, please. What made you ask that? Paige: It's just some of the things that he asked me to do for him before... It's just almost as if he knew that something was going to happen. Mrs. Henderson: Actually, he knew about a lot of things before they would happen. In fact, some times I almost thought he was clairvoyant. Paige: Really? Mrs. Henderson: I mean, at least in business, anyway. Up until a couple of years ago we had nothing. Flat broke, going nowhere. And then just all of a sudden. Paige: All of a sudden... Mrs. Henderson: I don't know, it was like he won the lottery or something. Suddenly he couldn't lose. Every deal he made was golden. And at first he was happy of course, but then he wasn't. And whenever I would ask him how he did it or how he knew, he would just say that he could sense what was about to happen. What could that possibly mean? (A man approaches Mrs. Henderson.) Man: Excuse me, his brother's on the phone. Mrs. Henderson: Excuse me. (She walks away. Richard walks out of the elevator and over to Paige.) Richard: Hey, Paige. Paige: Richard. Richard: Last time I saw you you were kind of saving my life. How are you? [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Spencer Ricks is sitting at Phoebe's desk with his feet up on it, reading letters. Phoebe walks in and rolls her eyes.] Spencer: As I live and breathe. Pheeble. Where you been? What, are you keeping bankers hours? Phoebe: Turkey. Okay, first of all get your feet off my desk, and secondly get out of my chair. Spencer: Aw, and here I thought we were gonna be friends. Phoebe: Now. Spencer: Alright, alright. Geez, keep your panties on. (He gets up. Phoebe walks around to the back of her desk and Spencer has a glance of her butt.) Nice. (Spencer heads for the door.) Phoebe: Okay, let's get a couple of things straight here. I didn't ask for this and I don't like it so don't push it or else... Spencer: Or else what? Phoebe: You know what? Let's just pick a letter. Spencer: Well, let's start with there is nothing good in this pile of dribble. I mean, there's some lady who wants to break up with a loser, another who wants to be closer to mummy, and this one, she's worried about losing her virginity. It's like a freakin' PMS convention. (Phoebe pulls out the turkey potion.) Let me ask you a question. Do you ever get letters from anybody other than a bunch of whiny chicks? (Phoebe throws the potion at Spencer and he turns into a turkey. She thinks for a second and then pulls out another potion. She throws it at the turkey and it turns back into Spencer.) Phoebe: As you were saying? [Scene: P3. Day. Piper is sitting at the bar, waiting. A good-looking guy walks in wearing a suit.] Guy: Piper. Piper: Ryan, hi, good, you got my message. Ryan: Yeah, my secretary caught me before I left. I thought we were gonna meet at the restaurant? Piper: Yeah, sorry about that, something came up. Ryan: Is everything okay? Piper: Yeah, everything's fine, it's just that, um, my babysitter cancelled at the last minute. Ryan: Babysitter. You have a baby? Piper: Uh-huh. (Piper reaches behind her stool and wheels Wyatt around in his walker.) What do you think? Ryan: I think... he's adorable. Piper: You do? Ryan: Absolutely. What's his name? Piper: Wyatt. So you're okay with this? You still wanna go out? Ryan: What, are you kidding? I love babies. Although, I think maybe we should go to Chuck E. Cheese now. Do you mind? Piper: No, I'll just grab my purse. Ryan: Sure. (Piper gets up and walks out the back. Ryan picks Wyatt up.) Hey, there big fella. You wanna go with mummy and me to lunch? Huh? (Wyatt's eyes glow with a blue light. Ryan panics and puts Wyatt on the floor. He rushes outside. Piper walks back in.) Piper: We should probably take separate cars because of the baby... seat. (Wyatt walks over to Piper.) Hi. What are you doing? (Piper picks up Wyatt.) Well, fine. [Scene: Street. Paige and Richard are walking down the sidewalk.] Richard: Actually, I'm all by myself in the house now. My mum moved out east, family followed. It's weird to think the only thing holding us together was a feud. Paige: Makes me sorry I helped end it. Richard: Don't be. It's an amazing freedom. You're really beating yourself up, huh? Paige: Yeah, I guess I am. You know, I think I was put in Larry's life for a reason and it probably wasn't to watch him die. Richard: You really believe in that stuff, don't you? Paige: What? Richard: Fate, destiny. Paige: Yeah, don't you? Richard: I didn't, not until I met you. All these magical wars in my family, I mean, if there's some kind of grand plan, it sucks. (Paige smiles.) What are you smiling at? Paige: Nothing. It's just kind of nice to talk to someone about all this magi-ky stuff. I mean, other than my sisters of course. Richard: What do they think you should do about Larry? Paige: Basically just let it go. Richard: Well, if you'd let it go with me, I probably wouldn't be alive right now. Paige: Still, I wouldn't even know where to start. Richard: Start with Larry. It wouldn't be the first ghost you summoned. [Scene: Underground. Auction house. Souls of men and women are in shackles, standing along the edge of the room. More souls are behind bars above on a second floor. Larry's soul is standing in the centre of the room, facing demon bidders. The auctioneer is wandering around in the centre of the room.] Auctioneer: The cream of the crop, ladies and demons! The best souls you'll find up for auction anywhere in the underworld. Guaranteed or your powers back. (to Larry) Straighten up. Take for example, Larry Henderson here. I'll spare you the pitiful details of his life and only say that thanks to me, he became one of the most prominent lawyers in San Francisco. Friends, don't let this one get away, he's a true prize for any soul collector, eater or trader. So, whats say we start the bidding at two powers? (Magical lights circle around Larry and he disappears. The shackles drop to the ground.) Find him! [Cut to the manor. Living room. Paige and Richard are there. Paige has placed five candles on the floor. Larry's soul appears in a swirl of magical lights.] Paige: Welcome back, Larry. Larry: What? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Continued from before.] Larry: Uh, okay, you-you-you've got to send me back before Zahn gets pissed. Paige: Zahn, is that the demon that... Larry: Killed me? Yeah, for all intense and purposes, yes. Come on, reverse the spell, come on. Paige: I can't, not until we figure out what's going on. Larry: Paige, I'm begging you. Richard: Larry, give it up, she's stubborn when she wants to be. Trust me. Larry: Do I know you? Richard: Uh, no, you know my family, you did some accounting for us. Larry: Exactly how are you involved with this? Richard: Just, uh, fate. Larry: Great, fate. Well, you wanna talk about fate. If I don't live up to my end of the deal, my wife's fate is screwed too and I'm not gonna let that happen. Now come on. Paige: What, did you make some sort of Faustian deal? Larry: Yeah. Yeah, I did. Look, I'm not proud of it, alright. But Zahn came to me five years ago when I was down and hurting and he promised to pull me out of it in exchange for my... for my soul. And, uh, last night payment came due in full. Richard: So that's how you built up your firm? Larry: Among other things. But then when I realised how Zahn was making me rich off of other peoples pain and all the freak accidents. I tried to stop it, I tried to break the deal but when I realised I couldn't, I tried to make amends and tried to give away everything before it was too late. (Piper walks in the front door with Wyatt. She looks in the living room.) Piper: Paige? Paige: Oh, hey, you, um, remember Richard. Piper: Hi. Richard: Hey. Piper: What's going on? Paige: Oh, you know, just, uh, summoning a ghost. (Piper walks into the conservatory and puts Wyatt in his playpen. Paige follows.) What was I supposed to do? Just let him rot in hell or wherever he was. Piper: Paige, that's the thing, you don't even know where you summoned him from. How do you know that all the demons in the underworld aren't out looking for him? Paige: Yeah, but that's all the more reason to save him. Piper: Save him? He's dead. Paige: No, he hasn't moved on yet which means I have a chance to save his soul before Zahn gets it. Piper: And who is Zahn? Paige: That's the demon he made a deal with. Piper: No, that's not what I mean. What is his level? What are his powers? Paige: I don't know, I haven't checked the book yet. Piper: So you have no idea what you're up against? Paige: No. But does it really matter? Piper: Paige, look, I know this search is important to you and you need to maintain a separate identity but you can't keep going off on your own, it's not how we work. Paige: Well, if I hadn't, Larry's soul could have been lost by now. Piper: He sold his soul, it was his choice. Paige: Yeah, well, so he makes a mistake in life. Does that mean he has to pay for it in his afterlife too? Piper: Yeah, maybe, because actions have consequences and we can't go around cleaning up after everybody's mistakes, especially mistakes like this. Paige: So what, do you want me to just send him back? Piper: I think that if you bring danger into this house you need to talk to us about it before hand. Paige: I did, but you weren't exactly supportive. Unlike Richard who actually was. Piper: What does Richard have to do with this? You barely even know him. Paige: Maybe, but he seems to get me more than you. (Paige walks back into the living room.) Hey, listen, thanks so much for your help but, um, I think maybe you'd better go. Richard: Are you sure? Paige: Yeah. But I'll call you later. Richard: Okay. Paige: (to Larry) And you, come with me. Larry: What? Where are we going? Paige: We are going to save your soul. (Paige and Larry go upstairs. Richard looks over at Piper before leaving.) [Scene: Rocky mountain. Leo and Chris are running from the dinosaur.] Chris: Come on. (They get to the top of the mountain and run around a large rock.) Let's go. (The dinosaur roars. Leo and Chris hide in a space under a large rock. The dinosaur loses them and walks away.) I don't understand, why can't we orb? Leo: Prehistoric. Magic won't be around until there's people around to use it. Chris: Perfect. We'll just hang out for the next million years or so, no problem. Leo: More like sixty-five million. It's the cretaceous period. Chris: Man, you are old. I think he's gone. He looks gone. Do you think he's gone? Leo: No. Chris: Neither do I. (They continue walking along the mountain.) Leo: The sooner we get back to our time, the less we'll have to worry about. Chris: Yeah, that's gonna be a problem. Leo: What do you mean? Chris: I mean, you just don't create time portals out of thin air, it's not like that. Leo: Well, you coming back from the future originally seemed like an exact science. Chris: That was a spell, alright? A one way door. It only goes backward in time, not forward. Leo: So, what, you're creating portals to get back to the future, is that it? Why? Chris: To see if it changed, okay? To see if I stopped the demon who was after Wyatt. What? You still don't believe me? Leo: All I care about right now is getting back home. Chris: Well, all you gotta do is find the portal that dumped us here. Good luck. Watch out for the dinosaurs. Leo: You'd like, wouldn't you? Get rid of me once and for all? Chris: You were the one who sent us back to Jurassic Park, alright? Not me. Leo: Wouldn't be the first time you tried to get rid of me. Chris: Think what you want, but know this. If we don't find a way back, Wyatt's screwed. If you don't believe me, believe that. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Wyatt are there. Wyatt is in his high chair. Piper is talking on the phone.] Phoebe's Voice: Have you tried calling for Leo? Piper: Yeah, he's not answering either. He's probably out chasing after Chris and god only knows where that is. Phoebe: We're gonna have to talk to those guys. They're never around when we need them anymore. Piper: Yeah, I think we need to talk to Paige first, because this little power of one kick of hers is getting out of control. Phoebe: Yeah, but didn't we promise her we wouldn't but in anymore? Piper: Yeah, but that was when she was just helping Richard, she wasn't yanking souls away from angry demons. (The doorbell rings.) Look, I'm not saying that we need to gang up on her, but this is clearly becoming a pattern and we need to remind her that we have a shared destiny to worry about too. Phoebe: Okay, I'll be right there. Piper: Okay, bye. (Piper hangs up. She moves over to Wyatt.) Alright, let's get this over with. What do you think? [Cut to The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Phoebe grabs her bag and heads for the door. Spencer blocks her way.] Spencer: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Where are you going, toots? Phoebe: Home if you must know. Spencer: Home? Are you nuts? We got a column we gotta write. And I have just found the perfect letter for us to respond to. "Dear Phoebe, I am a breast man at heart but the problem is this girl I like is flat as a board. Should I even bother asking her out?" (He laughs.) Now this is a letter I could respond to. (Phoebe throws a potion at him and he turns into a pig.) Phoebe: Must have been the wrong potion. Excuse me. (She walks out of her office and closes the door, locking the pig in.) [Cut to the manor. Foyer. Piper opens the door half way and a good-looking guy is standing there.] Piper: Brett, hi. Brett: Piper, I didn't think you were, uh... (Piper opens the door fully to show that she's holding Wyatt.) Home. Piper: Oh, sorry it took me so long, I had to go get my baby. Brett: A baby? I actually didn't realise you were a... Piper: A mum? Brett: Right, yeah. Why didn't you tell me? Piper: Well, you know, some guys just don't hear that very well. Um, go figure, right? Uh, I don't mean to be rude but, um, something's come up and I can't go out right now, so if you don't want to reschedule, it's perfectly understandable. Brett: Why wouldn't I? Unless you got ten more of those somewhere. Piper: No, um, just the one. Brett: Not a problem. Did I past the test? Piper: With flying colours. (They hear an explosion. Piper turns around.) Paige? (Wyatt turns his head to face Brett and his eyes glow. Brett panics and runs off.) I, uh, I better... (She turns back around.) Go. (She closes the door.) [Cut to the attic. Paige, Larry and Zahn are there. Zahn throws Paige across the room.] Zahn: You know, ordinarily I'd be upset you summoned me, but seeing how you just helped me find Larry, I'll be merciful. Larry: Don't hurt her, Zahn, please. She didn't know, she was just trying to help me. Zahn: Help? Really? What, you thought vanquishing me would set him free? Is that it? Paige: As a matter of fact. (Paige throws a potion at him. He freezes it in mid-air and then zaps it with an energy ball.) Zahn: You were saying? Paige: You're a low-level demon, you're not supposed to have that power. Zahn: Lady, I haven't been low-level in years. Not since I started trading souls for powers. Wanna see? (He creates an energy ball and Paige orbs out as he throws it at her. She orbs back in. Piper walks in.) Piper: Paige? (Zahn uses a telekinetic power and throws Piper against the door.) Paige: Piper! (Paige rushes over to her.) Zahn: And just for future reference, even if you could vanquish me it would only make it worse for Larry. Paragraph five, subsection six, line three. All souls in my possession will burn in eternal flames upon my untimely demise. Believe me, it's a fate worse than anything that could possibly happen at auction. Little protection clause I put in all of my contracts. (He walks over to Larry and waves his hand. The shackles appear on Larry's arms and legs.) Consider yourself repossessed. (Zahn flames out and takes Larry with him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige are there. Piper is laying on a couch and Paige is looking through the Book of Shadows. Phoebe walks in holding an ice pack.] Phoebe: This would all be so much easier if someone that could heal you (louder) was actually listening. (Piper sits up.) Piper: It's no big deal, I've had worse. (Phoebe sits down beside Piper and places the ice pack on Piper's shoulder.) Phoebe: Still, those two need a talking to I'll tell you. Paige: I don't understand. Faustian deals have been around for more than a century but there is nothing in here on how to break them. How is that possible? Piper: Maybe because they can't be broken. Piper: It can't be, there's gotta be a way. I am not giving up on Larry now. Phoebe: Listen, sweetie, maybe you should. I know you feel guilty about what happened. Paige: That's not it. Phoebe: It's affecting all of us now, not just you. Paige: I said I was sorry. Piper: That's not the point. Paige: Listen, I just want to save his soul. Piper: But you can't. Paige: Larry said that Zahn keeps his contracts locked up somewhere, so if we can find them and destroy them, then we can set all those souls free. Piper: I don't think so. Paige: Why not? Phoebe: We think we should go after Zahn, stop him before he gets anymore powers. Paige: What, and just let all those souls burn? Piper: They're already lost, Paige, he's already got them. (Phoebe sighs.) Phoebe: I think it's important that you stop him before he becomes unstoppable. Paige: No. Piper: Paige, we don't like this anymore than you do, but this is where we're at. Paige: He's my innocent. Piper: Yeah, but this is our problem, and one that we did not ask for by the way. Paige: No, I'm not sacrificing him. Piper: You don't have a choice. This is beyond your control, I'm sorry. (Paige storms out.) [Scene: Richard's House. Study. Richard is sitting the at the desk looking through some papers. Paige walks in.] Richard: Hey, Paige. Paige: Hey, your housekeeper let me in, I hope you don't mind. Richard: No, it's fine. (He gets up and walks over to her.) Are you okay? Everything alright? Paige: No. [Scene: Rocky Mountains. Leo and Chris are still walking along the rock mountains.] Chris: This looks familiar, doesn't it? Leo: Yeah. Chris: Maybe we should split up, find the portal faster. Leo: Wait, if one of us gets caught, the other one needs to keep going. For Wyatt's sake. Chris: Oh, you believe me about it now? Leo: No. I just wanna let you know what's gonna happen if you get caught. (Chris's hand goes through the rock.) Chris: Found it! (The dinosaur roars and Leo turns around. He slips on some loose rocks and he slides down the hill.) Leo! (The dinosaur appears behind him. Chris runs over to Leo and helps him up.) Come on, come on, go, go! (They run up the hill and the dinosaur snaps at them. They jump through the portal just as the dinosaur snaps again.) [Cut to a grassy meadow. Leo and Chris fall out of the portal and roll along the ground.] Chris: You okay? Leo: Thanks for not listening to me. Chris: Any time. (Seven soldiers surround Leo and Chris and point shot guns at them.) Soldier: You boys Yankees? (The soldiers grab them.) [Scene: Richard's House. Living room. Paige is sitting there. Richard walks in holding a drink.] Richard: Here. (He hands Paige the drink.) Paige: Thank you. (She has a sip. Richard sits down beside her.) Richard: So, uh, what are you gonna do? Paige: Well, I got a plan on how to save Larry but it's kind of risky. Richard: Maybe you shouldn't go through with it, I mean, maybe your sisters are right. Paige: You're the one who told me to follow my gut instincts. Richard: I know, I just, uh, I don't want you to get hurt. Paige: Listen, I'm gonna need your help to pull this off. Richard: Paige, if I do magic... Paige: No, I am not asking you to do that. I'm just gonna need you to get my sisters when it's time. I need their help too but they can't know about it until it's too late to stop me. Richard: Won't they get pissed? Paige: Yeah, probably. Guess I'm pretty stubborn, huh? Richard: Yeah, in a good way. Paige, you have a gift, don't fight it. Paige: Thank you. Got any candles? [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Phoebe are there. Piper is lighting some candles which are placed on the floor and Phoebe is making a potion.] Piper: How do we know she's not gonna just summon him herself again? Phoebe: Who, Zahn? She won't try that again, not without a potion. Piper: Well, what about Richard? He can make potions. Phoebe: Isn't he on the witch wagon though? Piper: I'm just saying I wouldn't put it past her. I can't believe it's even got to this point. Phoebe: It'll work itself out, it always does. Piper: I don't know about that. I mean, we've all disagreed with each other at one point or another over the years obviously, but this is different. Phoebe: So maybe we should call her again and talk to her about it. Piper: Or we can just summon Zahn and vanquish him quickly before she gets her pig-headed self killed. Phoebe: Oh, no, pig. Piper: Hm? Phoebe: I'll take care of it, don't even ask. Piper: Okay, we give him one chance at giving up Larry's soul and that's it. Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe hands Piper a potion and they stand near the candles. They join hands.) Piper: "We call upon the ancient powers, to summon one to save a soul." [Cut to the underground. Auction house. The souls, including Larry are lined up. Zahn walks along and then pats Larry on the cheek.] Zahn: You will be first up for auction again. Alright my fellow demons, let's start the bidding shall we? (Bright magical lights surround Zahn.) Oh, great, not again. (Zahn disappears.) [Cut to the attic. Zahn appears in a swirl of magical lights and then disappears in a swirl of magical lights.] Phoebe: What happened? Piper: Where'd he go? [Cut to Richard's house. Living room. Paige and Richard are standing in front of lit candles. Zahn appears in the centre of the room.] Zahn: You again. This time it's going to cost you. Paige: Wait. I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. [Scene: Zahn's Lair. Paige and Zahn are there. Zahn slides the Faustian Deal across the table over to Paige.] Zahn: I think you'll find that everything's in order. Paige: You don't mind if I look it over first? Zahn: Suit yourself. But it's exactly as we discussed. You'll use the same clause I mentioned earlier, to protect me from your sisters of course. Paige: You're not gonna have to worry about them. Zahn: Good. (A feather materialises.) Just sign on the dotted line. Paige: First Larry. (Zahn clicks his fingers and Larry appears in the room. Larry: Paige? What are you doing? Paige: Exactly what I said I'd do. Saving you. (Paige signs her name on the Faustian Deal.) Larry: No, Paige, don't! Zahn: Have a nice afterlife. (Zahn waves his hand and Larry glows and rises up into the sky. Paige grabs her chest and drops to the ground. Her soul rises out of her body.) You must really be a good soul to do what you've just done. (He rolls up the Deal and a door opens up leading into the vault that stores thousands of other deals. He places Paige's deal in an empty space and closes the door.) It's been a pleasure doing business with you. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper is on the phone while holding Wyatt. Phoebe comes down the stairs.] Phoebe: Did she answer? Piper: No, it's just her voicemail. What about scrying? Phoebe: Nothing, I can't find her anywhere. You don't think Zahn... Piper: I don't know, but if he didn't I will. What was she thinking? Phoebe: Chris! Leo! Where are those guys? Piper: Forget it, they're not answering either. Phoebe: What are we gonna do? (The doorbell rings. They answer the door.) Richard. Richard: Hey. Phoebe: Hi. Piper: Have you seen Paige? Richard: That's why I'm here. Phoebe: Okay, inside, inside. (Richard walks in and Phoebe closes the door.) Where is she? Is she alright? Richard: I don't know. Piper: What do you mean you don't know? What does that mean? Richard: It means, uh... (Wyatt's eyes glow like orbing lights.) Does he do that a lot? Piper: Wyatt? Phoebe: What is he doing? Why is he doing that? Piper: Apparently he's trying to scare away all of my dates. You little runt. Did your father teach you that? Phoebe: So not the time. Piper: You're right. You're grounded. (Piper passes Wyatt to Phoebe.) Phoebe: Back to Paige. Richard: She's with Zahn, or rather her soul is right about now. Phoebe: What? Richard: Yeah, it's all part of her plan, that's why I'm here. You don't have much time. She told me to tell you to reverse a "To Call a Lost Sister" spell to take you right to her. Piper: To do what? Richard: To save her. [Scene: Underground. Auction house. Zahn stands in the centre of the room.] Zahn: Please, everyone, may I have your attention, please. Tonight I have a special treat for you. A once in a life time opportunity to purchase one of these most unique souls there is, or ever was. A Charmed One, ladies and demons. (Paige walks up onto the stage wearing shackles.) One of only three in existence, and I have her here tonight. Both soul and body. (Paige's body appears on a table near by.) To be auctioned off separately of course. Paige: Hurry up. Zahn: Shall we start the bidding at say, ten powers? Grimlock: I'll give you fifteen. Demon: Twenty! Zahn: I have twenty. Demon: And another twenty for the body. Zahn: Do I have thirty? Demon: Thirty just for the soul. Zahn: Anymore? Demon: Thirty-two. Zahn: Thirty-two. Demon: Thirty-six. Zahn: I have thirty-six. Demon: Forty and I'll throw in all my minions. Zahn: And minions! (Piper and Phoebe appear in a swirl of lights.) Demon: More Charmed Ones. Grimlock: One hundred for all three. Piper: Sold to the dead Grimlock. (Piper blows up the Grimlock. A demon throws an energy ball at them at Phoebe channels it back at her, vanquishing her. The demons star running away.) Way to channel. Hey-hey-hey. (Piper blows up another demon.) Paige: Piper, hurry! Blow up the vault. (Piper blows up the vault where all the Deals are kept. They all burn. Paige's soul enters her body. She gets off the table.) Zahn: My contracts! Paige: Cut it a little close. Piper: What the hell's going on? Paige: Bitch later, vanquish now. (Piper and Phoebe throw a potion each at Zahn. He is vanquished.) Phoebe: I love watching lawyers explode. Piper: Now can I bitch? Paige: No, let me explain. I had to lure you down here, it was the only way to destroy the contracts. All I had to do was find them first. Piper: But by dying? Paige: No, I'm not dead. See, your brain has to be dead before you can die so I'm still alive. (Piper and Phoebe look at each other.) Phoebe: Okay, so where's Larry's soul? Paige: Larry's saved. He's moved on. Piper: And that was worth risking your life for? Paige: No, I wasn't risking my life. See I knew no matter how pissed off you got, you'd still come and save me. We are sisters. [Scene: P3. Steadman is performing on the stage. Piper and Phoebe are there.] Phoebe: Piper, how did you have time to book Steadman in your club? Between raising my nephew and trying to date and vanquishing... Piper: The sister? Phoebe: Does that mean you're still mad at Paige? Piper: Well, yeah, aren't you? Phoebe: Well... Piper: I mean, come on, she didn't just risk her own life, she risked ours as well. Not to mention the power of three. Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but don't we kind of do that every week anyway? Piper: No, not unilaterally we don't, ever. I'm not saying she has to answer to us all the time or that she can't go find her bliss, whatever that may be. But not at the risk of what we do. Phoebe: I totally agree, but still, we have to figure out a way to work it out with her, you know, let her feel like she has a voice in this whole thing. Compromise. Piper: Since when did you become Solomon all of a sudden? Phoebe: I have surrendered to being the middle sister. Piper: Or does it have more to do with this? (Piper holds up a newspaper with Phoebe's and Spencer's column.) Phoebe: Uck, look at that pig. And I don't mean literally, at least not anymore. (Leo and Chris walk up to them.) Hey, look who it is. Where you two been? Leo: Long story. Chris: We just got a little lost, that's all and took some time to find our way back. Leo: So, uh, what'd we miss? (Phoebe laughs.) Piper: You lay into them, I have a date. Phoebe: A date, really? Does he know about Wyatt? Piper: No, and he's not gonna any time soon. At least not until after the honeymoon. (Piper walks away.) Leo: Whoa, what'd we really miss? Phoebe: You know what? It's a long story. (Phoebe walks away.) Chris: Come on, I'll buy you a drink. Leo: Whitelighters don't have any money. Chris: It was a gesture. Leo: Two cold ones, Billy. Billy: You got it, Leo. Leo: It's on me. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Richard's house. Living room. Paige and Richard are there. Paige lights a candle.] Paige: For Larry. May your soul find freedom and peace. Richard: You okay? Paige: Yeah. Richard: What about you and your sisters? Paige: Well, we're gonna be fine, just a few growing pains. I wanted to thank you though, for everything you've done. Richard: Hey, I just delivered a message. Paige: No, I couldn't have done it without you. Richard: Any time. Paige: Lucky I ran into you. Richard: Luck. It was fate. (They kiss.)
Plan: A: her new boss; Q: Who did Paige see die by the hands of a demon? A: Paige; Q: Who discovers that her boss sold his soul to a demon? A: the demon; Q: Who was collecting the debt? A: Piper and Phoebe; Q: Who did Paige tell about her boss's death? A: their advice; Q: What does Paige ignore in order to save her boss? A: a huge sacrifice; Q: What does Paige make to save her boss? Summary: After seeing her new boss die by the hands of a demon right in front of her, Paige discovers that he sold his soul to that demon and the demon was just collecting the debt. However, when she tells Piper and Phoebe about what happened, Paige is disappointed when they tell her not to go after the demon to save him, and as a result, ignores their advice and makes a huge sacrifice in order to save her boss.
(Car door slams) Johnny: So, this is the town limits? Ray: Yes sir, 4,500 acres that ends right here at the town sign. And it's all yours, Johnny, it must be a nice feeling, considering you don't have a lot right now. You know, because of the crooked business manager. You know, the money scandal... Yes, I know, I know, I know, Ray. What the hell is this?! Ray: The town sign. Johnny: Is this the real sign, or the joke sign? Ray: What do you mean? Johnny: You don't see anything wrong with this? The man! Standing awfully close to that woman, wouldn't you say? Johnny: Well, he's holding on to her so she doesn't fall into the creek. Johnny: Look a little closer, Ray. Ray: Well, it need a little sprucing up. Johnny: Sprucing up?! Ray: It's very popular, people come from all over to take a picture with it. Johnny: I'll bet they do! You know what? This is coming down! Ray: That's the mayor's family up there! The sign's been here over forty years. Johnny: And you wonder why this place won't sell? Oh, I think I see it now. His shoulders are too big. Johnny: Get in the car, Ray. (Door creaks open) Moira? Boy, we've got our work cut out for us. But I've seen worse. It's not a problem. Moira? Moira: (Slurred) They dare to call me irrelevant? Shag carpeting, that's irrelevant! L.A. is irrelevant... I am relevant! "Good riddance," is what they said. Oh, who said that, sweetheart? Moira: I don't know! They're no name commentors. Tormentors. Are we having a bad day, honey? Moira: Anonymous. Ominous. That'll be fine, thank you. I'm afraid I don't have a gratuity right now. Alexis: So, that guy from the other night. He's not for me, right? David: What guy? That beardy guy that I kissed at the party. He's gross, right? Like, that's not a thing for me. There wasn't like, a spark or anything. You mean the hitchhiker that was burning meat over a garbage can? Yeah, that one. Have you seen your mother today? Um yeah, she was face down on the carpet before dragging herself into the closet. And you didn't say anything?! I thought she was maybe looking for a contact or something. Johnny: Yeah, she googled herself again, now she's having one of her "things." How bad is it? Johnny: How bad is it? A solid seven. It's not an eight, which seems manageable for you. Johnny: Well, except I've got a few things I have to take care of, so I need you two to go in, and take... No, I did Saint-Tropez, so. David: And I did her birthday, and Aspen twice. Johnny: And I'm trying to sell this town. So, if you kids want any chance of getting out of here, you'll help me out, and go in and look after your mother! Well, my horoscope said that I shouldn't assume responsibility for anybody but myself today. Johnny: Yeah, and my horoscope says, why don't you go in and help your mother! And don't let her out of your sight, okay? We don't want her detonating in public! Alexis: I know! Though it is kind of fun to watch, though. Not when you're the one she's trying to back over with a car. What's that? David: Eye cream. Johnny: From where? David: From Paris. How did you pay for it? David: Oh, one of my credit cards is still working. Johnny: Oh, you're charging things to your credit card?! I see, and how are you gonna pay for it? David: I don't think you understand, I already have it. Well, I know this is a bizarre concept for you, David, but if you want cream from Paris, you need a job, so you can pay for the cream from Paris! Okay well, tell that to the bags under my eyes, then. Johnny: And right after you tell your next joke, I want you to go down to the front desk, and ask what's-her-name... Stevie. Johnny: Where you can get a job around here! All right? I'm in the middle getting rid of an x-rated sign, before it scares off the few buyers we might actually have! Okay, I'll get on that. Johnny: You want the smooth under eyes of a 16-year-old, get a job! (Door slams) You just need to relax, because it's not like your boyfriend left you for a Scandinavian flight attendant! What kind of name is Kika anyway? I'm the one that should be in the closet right now, not you. Moira: Help me out. Moira: Help me! Alexis: Okay! Moira: Oh, shhh! My foot's fallen asleep. Hey, shall we see what they're saying about you and Stavros? Alexis: No! Moira: It's not my idea! Moira: You were a couple of doe eyed lovers aboard a trans-Atlantic airship filled with gas! Alexis: You know what I think we should do? I think we should go get something to eat, because when you're eating you can't be talking to me, okay? Moira: You know what I think? Alexis: What? (Snorts like a pig) You date pigs. Okay, I just remembered that being a mother is not your strong suit. Oh darling, I'm only telling you because it's true! Alexis: And because you gobbled down a hundred thousand anti-depressants this morning. Moira: I was hungry! But I could still eat. (Stapler clicks) David: Hi, um... question. If one were to theoretically look for a job here in Schitt's Creek, where would you... suggest that that person go to look? Is there, like, a bulletin board or a pamphlet, or something with information on it? Stevie: No, no bulletin board... What kind of job are you looking for? David: Um, something in like, art curating, or trend forecasting. Stevie: Oh, okay... um, hmmm, let's see. Not seeing anything in art curating, or trend forecasting, that's weird. David: Okay. Um, do you have any other skills or areas of expertise? I've been told I have really good taste. Oh, well, that's good. Um, let's see... Oh! Bag boy at the grocery store. I don't know what that is. You put groceries in bags, so that people can carry their groceries out of the grocery store. Okay, and how much do you think that would pay? Mmm, I'm gonna say minimum wage. Johnny: Which is what, forty, forty-five something an hour? Mmm-hmm, exactly. David: Okay. Okay! Um, well, something to think about. For sure, thank you. Stevie: You're welcome. Moira: I would like two apple fritters, sliver of pecan pie, large fries with gravy and bacon! Alexis: Okay, so, she will have scrambled egg whites and some steamed spinach, please, thank you. Moira: And some pecan pie! Onion rings, and ice cream! Actually, none of that, and I will have a tea, thank you. Okay. Um, Mrs. Rose, are you okay? You seem a bit... Alexis: Mm-hmm, she's fine. Moira: I'm fine. (Bell on door jingles) Alexis: Um... Hey! Stay here, okay? Don't move! Oh wow, I'm really bored. Hey! Hey! Hey you! Hey! Hey, so I just wanted to be clear about what happened the other night. The reason that I let you kiss me. Um, you kissed me. Yeah, no, I can see how that would be confusing, but I just wanted to let you know that that was just me going through some stuff. Cool. Um, hey! So, why do they give you table scraps? Are you, like, a poor person, or? Uh, no, but thanks for asking. No, I use it to compost. You know, that way nothing gets thrown out. Composting? Yeah, no, I... I know composting. Um, Gwyneth Paltrow does a compost gift exchange. I'm gonna go. Alexis: Okay, great, I'm glad that we could clear this up. [SCENE_BREAK] Bob: Speak of the devil. Good morning. Ray! Hi. Ray: Hi. Johnny: I... I just stopped by to make an appointment to see the town council. Bob: You're looking at us. I'm Bob, that's Ronnie, you know Ray. Johnny: Yes, yes, Ray. Spent a wonderful morning with Ray. Well, I can see you've got a million things on your plate, so I'll get to the point, it's about the town sign. I told you he wouldn't let this go! (Ray and Bob chuckle) The sign tells people what to expect when they're in town. Do you have a problem with that message? A major problem, Bob. Yeah, you see, it's the first thing you see when you drive in, and as the owner of the town, I'd like to convey a better, cleaner image. There's a lot of history in that sign, Johnny. Schitt history. Ronnie: That's all we need, some outsider coming in here and changing everything. If it ain't broke, don't fix it! (Fork clinks) Hello, Moira! Moira: (Gasps) Hi! How are you? I'm eating egg whites, and hoping the building will collapse. Anyways, I have a giant favour. My class is putting on a play for the younger grades, and I just... thought that you'd be perfect, you know, to help coach the kids. Because they'd be thrilled to have someone like you, an actual star... teach them? That must have taken such courage to ask me that. But in show business boldness is rewarded, so my answer is yes. Yes, yes! That is such good news! (Bleep), I know! So, how'd it go? I met with a woman at a very sad grocery store, and I have a quote unquote interview to be a bag boy. Johnny: Hey, that's great! David: That's all that I'm apparently qualified to be. When's the interview? This afternoon. Well, the interview's where you make your first good impression, so, it's gotta count. I'm interviewing to be a bag boy, not a personal injury lawyer. David, I've had enough people hire enough people in my day to know exactly what they're looking for in an interview, so, let's go! Let's get up. (Claps) For what? [SCENE_BREAK] (Knocking) Come in! Ah, David Rose. You're applying for the bag boy position. David: Yeah. Johnny: Tell me David, why do you want this job? I don't want this job. Well, thank you very much, and don't expect a phone call! David: Okay. Johnny: All right, do it right! Or let's not do it. Now, we're gonna start again. David: Okay. Johnny: Tell me, David, why do you want this job? I ran out of eye cream. Okay, you're not gonna get this job. You're not gonna get this job! You know why? Your attitude sucks! David: Okay... Johnny: And look at how you're dressed! Johnny: What is this?! Colostomy bag pants! I'm the manager of a family run grocery store. I'm not gonna hire you! You're not gonna get the job, you're the last person... David: Okay! Johnny: Where's your mother? Alexis: Whew! Where's your mother? Alexis: What? Aaaaaah! Alexis: Aaah? What?! Johnny: Where's your mother?! Alexis: She's with Jocelyn. - Johnny: With Jocelyn? Alexis: She's fine! And I'm fine too, if anybody cares. I told you to watch her! Alexis: I did watch her! I watched her talk to Jocelyn. (Sighs deeply) Moira: Okay, how many of you beautiful young things have a background in the theater? Raise your swords! I see, a class grounded in realism, nice work. Because that is where we find our deepest well. May I be up front? Jocelyn: Yes. We're not here to play, or to have fun! You will work until it hurts! (Horn honks) Hey, come here a second! Hey, just the man I wanna see! So word on the street is that you're all freaked out about the town sign, is that right? No, no, I'm not freaked out about the town sign, I just... And that you have some sort of problem with my family, Roland: ... Or something, is that it?! Johnny: No, no, no, this is not about your family. Roland: Oh, it's not? Johnny: It's not about your family. Roland: Oh, really? Okay, interesting. Johnny: No, no, no. In the car, come on! In, let's go! Come on, Kaylee, try this. It's cool. Tiffany: I can be cool without drugs, Mark! Moira: Okay, stop! No one speak. Not a word! (Wordless grunting) It's not your fault, the script is garbage! Okay, which one of you wrote this? Jocelyn: I did. Jocelyn, have you ever been addicted to drugs? No! Then write what you know, okay? The quiet suffering of a woman trapped in a relationship with a simpleton. That's not what I know Moira, and drug awareness is part of the curriculum, so. I'm gonna work with these two. What is it that you want? To go home. Is that where you keep the stash? You want the marijuana? Yes? Moira: No, you want to be seen, and heard, and loved! Now, what is it you need? It's different, be careful, what is it you need? (Shouting) What is it you need? (Birds chirp) [SCENE_BREAK] Okay. Ahem! (Knocking) (Door creaks) Hey! Um, were you working out or something? Or... Ah, sort of. Okay, well, I'm sorry for interrupting. Um, I just I happened to be in the area, so... Twyla: Mutt? Mutt: Um... just... Alexis! Twyla! (Laughs falsely) I didn't know you two were uh... Did you wanna come in? I was just about to make some tea. Alexis: Mmm, no, I'm good. Uh, I should be getting back to my mom, who's not well, yeah, so, I'm gonna go. Mutt: Okay. Twyla: Oh. You guys have fun! Thanks! (Alexis laughs hollowly) Alexis: Bye! Blaaaaah! Roland: That is my great grandfather up there, Horace Schitt. He was a visionary, Johnny! He discovered this land, he developed it, and he turned it into the little slice of heaven that it is. And I'm proud of him! You understand that? Roland, you've got this all wrong. Why do you hate me? I don't hate you! I don't hate you! Well then, why do you have a problem with a sign that celebrates my family? It's not, it's just the way they're celebrating, that's all! Roland: Okay, so now you hate my family. Johnny: I don't hate your family! Roland: Well then, what is your big fat problem with the sign?! Johnny: It looks like your great grandfather's (Bleep) your great grandmother right up the ass! Oh my go... that is so demented! You can't tell me you don't see that! Well, you know, now that you put that creepy thought in my head, sure, I... I see it, but you got it all wrong, pal! Let me enlighten you, Mr. Johnny Rose! That isn't even Horace's wife! That's his sister. Well, how does that make it any better? Ohhh! Well, I don't know how they do things where you come from, but around these parts, we don't do that sort of thing with our sisters! Roland, how is anybody driving past this sign supposed to know the woman getting banged from behind is that man's sister?! Roland: Oh my. Johnny: Oh my! Yes, oh my! All right, Johnny, well I never really looked at it that way, but now I get it, okay, well, all right, I'll do something about it, I'll fix it, all right? And thank you, thank you for bringing that up to me. Johnny: Good. Good! Jocelyn, we're going off book! Jocelyn: Well, actually, we're running out of time. Forget the lines, forget the lines! Let's just be in character, shall we? Oh, could you be stiffer?! Just watch, please. Ahem! Start wherever. Um... Do you wanna smoke a joint? Oh Mark, you are better than this. You can't let others define you. Look at me! Never let the bastards get you down! (Whispering) Can't say b*st*rd! Okay. You must prepare for life, and whatever it will throw at you. The opportunities will diminish, and the ass will get bigger, oh, you can bet your bottom dollar it will! Especially yours. You're going to have a huge ass. And you, future baldy. Sorry, hairless, homeless! So what? Who cares? When they get mean, you tell them to go to hell! Because only you know who you are! And those cruel Internet people cannot take that away from you! You will forge on! And you will find some glimmer of something to hold on to. And only then will you find your way back. Only then will you become once again who you are! Lady standing! (Sobs) (Groans) Good, you're gettin' the hang of it. David: Well, putting groceries in a bag is not as complicated as one might think. Store manager: Watch the eggs. What did I say? David: You said put them in a separate bag. Store manager: Good. Quick learner. Woman on P.A.: David Rose, line one. David: Sorry, I just gotta... just one... thank you. Hello? Hey, how's it going? Yeah, I can't talk right now, so. Johnny: Ah, they're working you hard, huh? Yeah, I can't talk, so I'm gonna hang up, bye. Sorry, sorry about that. Someone's on a health kick, huh? Woman on P.A.: David Rose, line one. I'm just gonna... scoot past. Yeah? Johnny: You hung up. Sorry. Okay. Where were we? Woman on P.A.: (Annoyed) David Rose, line one! Right. Take that off. Hand that to you. Now I'm gonna... I'm gonna go. This is worse. This is much worse! David: You did this? Johnny: No, I didn't do this, I tried to fix this! Well, it... it is what it is. Okay, it looks like... I know what it looks like, Alexis! I know!
Plan: A: Johnny; Q: Who tries to have the obscene town sign removed? A: Moira; Q: Who has an emotional crisis? A: nasty things; Q: What did Moira read about herself on the internet? A: Jocelyn; Q: Who invited Moira to discuss acting with the elementary school students? A: David; Q: Who searches for a job? Summary: Johnny tries to have the obscene town sign removed; Moira has one of her periodic emotional crises after reading nasty things about herself on the internet, and Johnny places Alexis in charge of taking care of Moira until the crisis passes; Moira accepts Jocelyn's invitation to discuss acting with the students at the elementary school; David searches for a job.
[TRIQUETRA LOGO] [Scene from 8X16: Engaged and Confused] [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - DAY] (Phoebe and Coop sit and talk.) PHOEBE: Who are you? COOP: Well, I'm Cupid. You can call me Coop. FLASH TO: [TRIQUETRA LOGO] ROSE MCGOWAN (NARRATOR): Previously on 'Charmed' ... [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - DAY] (Phoebe whirls around.) COOP: You always think that you never have time for love. That's why the Elders sent me. They feel guilty about how everything got all messed up after they enlisted you. So they sent me down to help you get things back on track. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X18: The Torn Identity] [EXT. STREET - DAY] (Christy and Billie talk.) CHRISTY: Piper is so obsessed with saving her husband she doesn't care who gets in her way. [SCENE_BREAK] CHRISTY: Billie ... you can't trust them. BILLIE: That's not true. CHRISTY: Face it. They don't care about what we want. They care about what they want. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DREGS OF THE UNDERWORLD (JONDAR'S LAIR)] (Christy is reading the spell amidst Pator's screams.) CHRISTY: I banish you to the astral -- (Before she can finish, Piper blasts Christy to stop her. She hits Christy in the arm. Christy hits the cave wall and falls.) TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - DAY] (Piper, Phoebe and Henry meet Billie.) PIPER: Billie ... BILLIE: How could you attack my sister? PIPER: She was gonna vanquish the demon. BILLIE: So you just thought you'd vanquish her, too? [SCENE_BREAK] BILLIE: Look, I wanna find Leo, too, I really, really do, but not at the expense of her. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. DREGS OF THE UNDERWORLD] (Pator starts to burn.) (He grabs his head and screams.) (Billie and Christy hold hands, eyes closed in concentration.) PATOR: Aah! (He explodes.) (The force of the explosion ripples through the cave, knocking Piper, Phoebe and Paige off their feet.) (Christy smiles. Billie drops the vial and they vanish.) [SCENE_BREAK] PAIGE: Did they just vanquished a demon that can't be vanquished. PHOEBE: What does that mean? PIPER: I think that means we just found the ultimate power. (They stare at her. Piper brushes the dirt from her hands and pants.) [SCENE_BREAK] END OF PREVIOUSLY ON [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM - DAY] (Piper puts a vase of flowers on the dining room table. Phoebe talks with her.) PHOEBE: Piper, it's not that simple. PIPER: What do you mean it's not that simple? They vanquished the unvanquishable -- PHOEBE: Yeah, that just makes them powerful though, not bad. PIPER: Don't be so naive. Christy was raised by the Triad ... who wanted us dead, remember? PHOEBE: I understand that. But that doesn't mean that Billie and Christy want us dead. PIPER: (scoffs) They are the ultimate power. They were chosen to take us out, don't you see that? (Piper carries the watering pot into the sitting room.) PHOEBE: No, actually, I don't . Look, I mean, yeah, it's a possibility, but we're not there yet. PIPER: Aren't we? (Paige orbs in. She looks beat.) PAIGE: Ah! Okay. Witch, whitelighter, wife -- I give up, how do I juggle all this? (Piper and Phoebe are very quiet. Paige picks up on an argument in progress.) PAIGE: Mm. What are we arguing about? PIPER: The ultimate power, what else? PHOEBE: Her name is Billie. And I think we should help her not hurt her. PIPER: Okay. What if she tries to hurt us first? Then, what? BILLIE: Ding, ding! Back to your corners. Here is the deal. This is difficult for us, right? So, we should probably try to be nice to each other. 'Specially hard on me. Jeez! She's been my charge. PIPER: So you're saying, what? That you side with Phoebe? PAIGE: No, I didn't say that at all. All I'm saying is it's messing with all of our lives. (to Piper) You with P3 and the boys. (to Phoebe) You with work, Cupid. PHOEBE: (corrects) Michael ... (Paige rolls her eyes.) PAIGE: And me, lucky little me, I am stuck with another future whitelighter. Which means I don't even get to see my new husband. PIPER: Well, at least you have a husband. I'm still trying to get mine back. PHOEBE: And I'm still trying to find a husband, but that doesn't mean that we can't - (Paige stops. She hears a call and it shows on her face.) PIPER: What? PAIGE: Oh, dear, she's in trouble! Is this ever gonna end? (Paige orbs out.) (Piper heads for the stairs and starts climbing.) PIPER: I'm going go try to make a potion. PHOEBE: To do what? PIPER: (calls back) What do you think? PHOEBE: Okay, but I just don't think I'm ready for this, right now. PIPER: You better get ready! (Phoebe sighs. She doesn't like it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. ALLEY - DAY] (Mikelle, a tough-looking woman, punches the Darklighter Sid in his face, and kicks him in the chest sending him crashing into the crates against the wall. She takes off running.) (Paige orbs in directly in front of her, stopping her run.) MIKELLE: (shocked) Holy crap! (The Darklighter Sid reaches out and a CROSSBOW AND ARROW suddenly MATERIALIZES in his hand. He takes aim at Mikelle.) (Paige sees him.) PAIGE: (seeing past her) Duck! (Mikelle ducks. He fires. The arrow hurls straight toward Paige. She raises her hand and pushes the arrow back.) PAIGE: Arrow! (The arrow zooms back straight toward Sid. He ducks and it SLAMS into the wall just behind him.) (Mikelle stands up.) MIKELLE: Paige, I don't understand. Where did you come from? PAIGE: See for yourself. (Paige grabs Mikelle and orbs them both out.) (Just in time. Sid sits up, a second ARROW popping magically into his CROSSBOW as he takes aim, ready to fire -- (But, they're gone.) (He lowers his weapon and sighs. He reaches over his head and pulls the arrow out of the wall behind him. He black orbs out.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO SCENES (STOCK) - MORNING TO DAY] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN - DAY] (It's take your child to work day at the office. The parents who work at the Bay Mirror have their children there in the bullpen with them.) (Phoebe enters the bullpen, a smile on her face at the sight of all the children there. She stops by to greet the boy standing next to his dad's desk.) PHOEBE: Hey, Colin! Did you come visit your daddy today at work? COLIN: Yeah. PHOEBE: Oh, that's great! (Phoebe turns and sees a little girl at another desk with her mother. She rushes over to see what they're looking at together.) PHOEBE: Ooh! (to the little girl) Hey! Hello, little missy. (The girl turns around and smiles at her.) PHOEBE: I like your hair like that. I wouldn't mind hair like that too sometimes. GIRL: Really? Thanks! (The girl and her mother walk away. Phoebe smiles as she looks at the children in the bullpen.) PHOEBE: (wistfully) Aw, this is nice. COOP: (o.s.) Oh they're so cute, aren't they? (Phoebe turns and finds Coop sitting in her chair in her office. He leans back in the chair looking at the paper. His feet are on the corner of her desk. Phoebe turns and heads for her office.) COOP: 'Course, you'll never have one of your own, unless follow through with a date. [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - PHOEBE'S OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Phoebe steps into her office.) PHOEBE: What are you doing back here? COOP: Just trying to figure you out. Which I thought I already had. PHOEBE: Mm-hm. (Phoebe's had enough. She hits Coop's legs with her briefcase.) PHOEBE: Okay, get up! Get up! (She keeps whacking him till he gets up and off her chair.) COOP: Hey, hey! (chuckles) Okay. You know, if you don't start taking this more seriously you're gonna be sitting here alone again next year for career day. (Phoebe sits down.) PHOEBE: Okay, you know what? I don't want to deal with this right now, okay? (Phoebe goes to grab something; Coop stops her.) COOP: No, no, it's not okay, not by a long shot. You know, I worked my tail off ... to find you a perfectly good match in Michael. And what do I get for it? You go out with him a grand total of once. PHOEBE: So? COOP: So? I've got a reputation to protect. I've never missed. PHOEBE: Well, there's a first time for everything. (He chuckles.) COOP: No, no, no, no. Not when it comes to finding love. Not when it comes to me. PHOEBE: You're so cocky, you know that? COOP: You're damn right I am. (Coop sits down on the couch near the door.) I know you, Phoebe. Inside and out. I have researched every nook and cranny [SCENE_BREAK] PHOEBE: Okay, that makes me feel violated. COOP: I know what you're looking for in a man, believe me. I am an expert in you. Which is exactly why I know there's nothing absolutely wrong with Michael. PHOEBE: Okay! So, I'm just supposed to marry the guy? COOP: No, of course not. I didn't say he was the one. The point is -- PHOEBE: You know what? I don't care what your point is ... right now. Okay? I am dealing with a lot, and I'm trying to balance everything out. COOP: Phoebe, love is paramount. PHOEBE: Not now, okay? Please, not now. (Coop raises his hands in surrender and stands up. He heads for the door.) COOP: You know? Maybe you should try reaching out to Billie. Talk to her. (Phoebe looks at him, surprised that he even knew.) PHOEBE: How do you know? COOP: (softly) I told you ... I know you. (Coop leaves, closing the door behind him. Phoebe closes her eyes and thinks about it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - DAY] (Billie is going through the books. Christy walks in.) CHRISTY: What are you doing? BILLIE: Just trying to figure this whole stupid thing out, you know? If this really is destined -- CHRISTY: It is. BILLIE: Well, then it should be written somewhere, don't you think? Everything else is. CHRISTY: Billie, why do you keep fighting this? BILLIE: Because. Because I don't like it, okay? It sucks. I just -- I feel like I walked out on my family. CHRISTY: I know, but they're not your family, Billie, they never were. They used you. BILLIE: I just don't believe that. (Christy reaches out to touch Billie's hair; Billie pulls away from her.) CHRISTY: That's because you don't want to believe that. And I don't blame you. I mean after you trusted them, and you befriended them, you were betrayed. BILLIE: I just feel like this is a huge misunderstanding. If we can just talk to them, maybe-- CHRISTY: (interrupts) We tried talking to them, but they don't care about us or you. They only cared about themselves. That's all they ever cared about. BILLIE: That's not true. CHRISTY: Isn't it? What did they want to do to you when they first met you? They wanted to train you, to teach you the craft. BILLIE: Yes, and they did. CHRISTY: Yeah, but not for you, it was for them. So they could kick back and do whatever they wanted and you could go out there and risk your life to do their job. I mean, they're supposed to be Charmed Ones, Billie, not you. BILLIE: They're good people, Christy. They've helped hundreds of innocents. CHRISTY: Not lately, they haven't. Lately they've been doing everything for themselves, for their own personal gain. And it's not right. I mean, they faked their deaths. They bartered with Destiny, they've remade the world with Avatars all for themselves. I mean, does that sound like the greater good to you? BILLIE: You know, you talk about them like they're evil or something. CHRISTY: Billie, it's not about good or evil, it's about power. And absolute power corrupts absolutely. I mean, they feel like they don't have to live by the rules anymore. That they can do whatever they want, and no one is gonna be there stop them. BILLIE: Yeah, what am I supposed to do? Hm? Stop them? CHRISTY: No. No, we're supposed to stop them. It's our destiny. BILLIE: I'm just not ready to do that. I can't. CHRISTY: Well, you have to get ready. We both do. If we don't stop them ... nobody will. It's up to us. (Billie shakes her head and looks at the book in front of her. The words vanish leaving just specific letters: TALK PHOEBE?) (Billie glances at Christy.) CHRISTY: What's wrong? BILLIE: Nothing, I just -- you know, I need to clear my head and get out of here for a while. So, I'll be back. (Billie leaves.) (Christy goes and looks at the book. All she sees is the normal book.) (Nevertheless, Christy is suspicious.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. UNDERWORLD -- DARKLIGHTER'S LAIR] (In what appears to be a weapons factory, DARKLIGHTERS create crossbows, sharpen arrows and craft other weapons. We find Sid being mocked by an older Darklighter, Salek.) SALEK: Overpowered by the powerless. (demands to know) What happened? SID: She was saved by a whitelighter, Salek. SALEK: Then you should've shot both of them. SID: She wasn't just a whitelighter, Salek. She was a Charmed One. (Salek pauses, intrigued.) SALEK: How do you know? SID: You've taught us well. SALEK: (dismisses that) Not well enough, apparently. (turns, ponders) And where is she now, the charge? SID: I don't know. The witch cloaked her with her magic. Should I move on to another charge? SALEK: No, I want this one. (opportunistic) To lure out the Charmed One. (He walks over to the rack of newly crafted poison arrows. He picks up an arrow and looks at it.) SALEK: There's no better prize. SID: (wary) But, I'm not sure how to -- SALEK: (cuts him off) You won't have to, I'll do it myself. (sighs) I've waited my whole life for an opportunity like this. But I must be patient. I must wait for just the right opening. SID: But in success, the underworld will bow to you. The demons won't stand it -- SALEK: (shouts) I don't give a damn about what demons think! Let them cling to their prophecies about ultimate powers, their rumors of final battles. (singularly focused) I only care about one battle. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR - FOYER/LIVING ROOM - DAY] (The front door opens and Paige enters with Mikelle.) PAIGE: Okay, uhm -- stay put, I will be right back, okay? MIKELLE: Wait, where're you going? (Paige closes the door.) PAIGE: I have to go check on my sister. MIKELLE: Well, you just did that. PAIGE: Oh, see, actually no. It's my other sister. Look, I know you're really freaked out right now, but I've got so many things going on, so if you could just wait here for a second - MIKELLE: (plaintive) Wait a minute. What about me? I still don't understand anything that's going on here. I mean, okay -- witches and blacklighters? PAIGE: (corrects) Oh, no, no, no. Darklighters. MIKELLE: But what does it mean? What does it have to do with me? PAIGE: You see, I told you. You are a future whitelighter. (before she can question) I'll explain more about that later, too. Okay? MIKELLE: (scoffs) Are you sure you've got the right person? PAIGE: Positive. Otherwise the darklighters wouldn't be trying to stop you from becoming a whitelighter. Ha! (A LOUD EXPLOSION from upstairs startles both Paige and Mikelle.) MIKELLE: (scared) Darklighters? PAIGE: (knowing) No, crazy sister. (hurried) Okay, here is the deal. You're safe. So, stay put. Have a seat on the couch. I'll be back as soon as I can. (Paige takes off for the attic leaving Mikelle looking nervously around and unsure what to do.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (Paige enters the attic and finds a smoking mannequin.) PAIGE: Hey, there. What did that mannequin ever do to you? PIPER: Cute. PAIGE: Aw, poor thing. (Piper looks at the potions pot and tosses in another ingredient.) PAIGE: What're you doing? PIPER: Making a Power of Three potion. PAIGE: Oh, for what? (Piper levels Paige a look. 'Come on.) PAIGE: Oh, Piper. PIPER: Look, sooner or later you two are gonna realize that is us or them, and I for once would like to be ready. PAIGE: Look, you can't just vanquish Billie and Christy. For one thing, you know, it's, uh ... illegal. PIPER: Is that the best you got? PAIGE: Well, I think that's a pretty valid point. Look, we know you wanna get Leo back -- PIPER: (sighs) You know what? I'm tired of everybody using that against me, like it diminishes my credibility or something. Because it doesn't. PAIGE: Well, you must admit it's probably clouding your judgment just a little bit. PIPER: That sounds more like something Phoebe would say. PAIGE: Yeah, she just did. PIPER: What do you mean, she just did? When did she say that exactly? PAIGE: On the phone, a few minutes ago. PIPER: Oh, I see. She's taking your calls, but she's not taking my calls. Where is she? PAIGE: She's at home. (With a potions vial in her hand, Piper heads for the door.) PAIGE: Where are you going? PIPER: To find out what her problem is. (Paige makes a face behind her back.) PAIGE: ... Sisters ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - DAY] (Phoebe opens the door and finds Billie there.) PHOEBE: Hey, sweetie, I'm really glad you came. Come in. BILLIE: Are we alone? (Billie steps inside.) PHOEBE: Yeah, of course we are. (Phoebe closes the door. Billie looks around.) PHOEBE: So, how are you doing? You're okay? BILLIE: Uh -- what do you want to talk about? (Billie stops and turns around.) PHOEBE: Uh, I would imagine the same thing that you want to talk about. I mean, that's why you're here, right? BILLIE: Well, I'm a little confused right now. That's all. PHOEBE: Well, what are you confused about? BILLIE: Why you all used me. PHOEBE: (scoffs) Is that Christy talking? BILLIE: Don't blame this on her. PHOEBE: Look, I'm not blaming anything on her. I'm just trying to understand. Okay? Look, Billie, we're not the bad guys here. BILLIE: Well, she thinks you are. PHOEBE: Okay, well, she's wrong. BILLIE: She thinks you're using your powers only for yourselves, and not the greater good. And sooner or later -- PHOEBE: Sooner or later ... what? BILLIE: You'll have to be stopped. PHOEBE: Is that what you think, too? BILLIE: I don't know, okay? That's why I'm here. (The door opens and Piper pokes her head in.) BILLIE: (accusing) You said we were alone! PHOEBE: (duh) Hello! We were alone. (to Piper) What're you doing here? (Piper has her hands behind her back as she steps into the loft.) PIPER: Wondering what she's doing here. (Billie backs away as Piper enters the room.) PHOEBE: We're just having a little chat. PIPER: Good. Great. I'm listening. (Billie remains quiet. Then, CHRISTY: (o.s.) Stay away from my sister! (Billie whirls around and suddenly, tensions increase as Christy steps into the room through the open balcony doors.) PHOEBE: Okay, how did you get in? (Christy holds up a potions vial.) CHRISTY: The same way we're leaving. (Billie goes to stand next to Christy.) CHRISTY: Let's go. PHOEBE: Okay, can't we just talk about this, please? CHRISTY: There's nothing to talk about. PIPER: All right then. (Piper throws the first vial at Christy.) PHOEBE: Don't, Piper! (Christy looks at it and it explodes mid-air. The force of the explosion knocks Phoebe and Piper off their feet.) (Piper turns to get up, her hands ready to blast back, but Phoebe stops her.) PHOEBE: No, Piper! (Christy turns and looks at Billie.) CHRISTY: Do you need any more proof? (Christy throws the vial and they vanish.) (Piper turns and looks at Phoebe.) PIPER: Do you? [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Paige walks into the living room with a cup of tea for Mikelle who is sitting on the couch.) PAIGE: Here is something to help you relax. MIKELLE: (scoffs) I doubt it. (then) You got anything stronger? PAIGE: Ah, it's a little early for that, don't you think? MIKELLE: It's five o'clock somewhere. (off her look) Well. Okay, I take it you whitelighters aren't really one for drink, huh? Well, if you had a life like mine - (Paige sits down on the table in front of Mikelle.) PAIGE: (concerned) Mikelle, look, I know your history, okay? I know you've had a tough time. The thing is though, if you don't believe in yourself, and you keep telling yourself you're going to be nothing, you will in fact be nothing. Clearly the reason I was sent to help you was to help you see that you were meant something special. (Mikelle sighs.) MIKELLE: (genuine) You're sweet. I just think it's gonna take a lot more than some nice words and a cup of tea to make me believe that ... I'm meant for something in my life. (beat) MIKELLE: (starts to get up) I should probably go. (Paige quickly stands and stands in Mikelle's way.) PAIGE: No, you can't go. You can't leave, sorry. MIKELLE: You've obviously have other things to worry about. PAIGE: You can't, because we haven't found the Darklighter who's after you, okay? It is too dangerous out there. MIKELLE: You haven't even started looking for him yet. (Paige sighs realizing that she's right.) (Off screen, they hear the front door open.) [INT. MANOR - FOYER / MAIN HALL - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The front door opens. Phoebe and Piper enter, mid-argument.) PHOEBE: Piper, why didn't you just freeze them? (Piper and Phoebe don't realize that they're not alone.) PIPER: Because it wouldn't have worked. PHOEBE: Okay, so, it's better to just start a war? (They stop in the main hall.) PIPER: Oh, stop, it was one mousy potion. I just meant to scare them. I wasn't gonna take them out with that. PHOEBE: Take them out? Why don't you say what you really mean? Kill them. (Piper sighs.) (From the living room, Paige intervenes.) PAIGE: (loud) Girls, be nice. MIKELLE: (trying to leave) I'm outta here. (She tries to get up, but Paige stops her again.) PAIGE: (stops her) No, just stay, okay? Please, stay. Have some tea. (Paige steps out of the living room to join Piper and Phoebe.) PHOEBE: What were you even doing there? PIPER: Why were you hiding it from me? MIKELLE: I'm only in the way here. PAIGE: No, you're not. Please, stay. (to Piper, appeals) Hey, a little help here, please? (In the back, Mikelle gets up to leave anyway. Piper turns and freezes her.) PIPER: (to Phoebe) There, I froze somebody. Happy? (Phoebe rolls her eyes.) PAIGE: Alright, you two. (Paige grabs Piper and leads them into -- [INT. MANOR - SITTING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] -- where Piper sits down.) PAIGE: This is ridiculous. We're not gonna solve anything by fighting with each other. PIPER: Since when did you become the big sister? PAIGE: Since you stopped acting like one. PHOEBE: Hah! PAIGE: (to Phoebe) And you -- what's this whole sneaking around behind our backs thing? It's not what we need right now. It's not making our lives any easier. PIPER: Hah! PHOEBE: You know what, I'm really glad I went ... because I actually learned something. PIPER: Like what? That they would like to kill us? PHOEBE: No, that just in their twisted reality, they think that we're the bad guys. PIPER: It's not a twisted reality, it's a Triad reality. They brainwashed Christy just like Christy's going to brainwash Billie. PHOEBE: Well, not necessarily. And look, you know, they're right, we're not all about the greater good anymore. PIPER: (irritated) No one can't expect us to be. We've been doing this for eight years! (Her phone rings; Piper pulls it out of her pocket.) And we've done a lot of really great good, in my opinion. (She answers her phone.) PIPER: (to phone) Hello? What do you mean, the band's not coming? I've a signed contract. I don't? Well, that's too bad. You're gonna have figure that one out 'cause, you know I've got stuff going on. (She hangs up and throws the phone on the couch.) How the hell did that happen? PAIGE: We're spreading ourselves too thin. I can't even find a stupid Darklighter. PHOEBE: Hm. I'm sure she doesn't think he's stupid. PAIGE: Thank you for the guilt. PIPER: Okay, regardless of what you think the cold hard fact is ... the Power of Three is needed to stop Billie and Christy. Whether you like it or not. PHOEBE: Well, I'm sorry. I just still don't like it. (Phoebe gets up and leaves. Piper looks at Paige.) PIPER: What about you? PAIGE: I don't know yet. (The front door closes.) But I have a charge to save. (Paige stands up and leaves Piper sitting alone.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - DAY] (Christy talks with Billie who is still hesitant and uncertain.) CHRISTY: They threw a potion at us, Billie. At both of us. BILLIE: She didn't mean to. She just wants Leo back. CHRISTY: So, that means she has kill us? BILLIE: That wouldn't have killed us. You know that. CHRISTY: Billie, this is insane, I cannot believe you're defending them. BILLIE: I'm not. I am -- I don't know. Look, maybe they're just as confused about this as we are. CHRISTY: I'm not confused. BILLIE: Well, I am. (sighs) I'm sorry, but I am. This isn't easy for me. I care about them a lot, you know? CHRISTY: I know. BILLIE: I just wish I knew more, so I could know what to do. CHRISTY: I can show you. The same way the Triad showed me. I was meant to be taken, Billie, to be shown the way, just like you were meant to find me, so I could show you. BILLIE: The way? CHRISTY: Our path, it's the one we were meant to share together for the greater good. But, before you can do what you have to do, first you have to see that their core, their inner truths, are not for the greater good. That they don't deserve to keep their powers. They lost the way. Are you ready to see that? (Billie turns to look at Christy. She nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO SCENERY (STOCK) - DAY] (Camera zooms in toward -- [EXT. PHOEBE'S BUILDING (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - DAY] (The front door opens as Phoebe returns home. She exhales and puts her bag down on the chair next to the door.) (Someone knocks on the door.) (Phoebe answers the door.) COOP: Hey. (Why is she not surprised? Phoebe laughs.) COOP: What? Bad time? (Phoebe turns and heads inside. Coop enters the loft.) PHOEBE: No, I just walked in the door. COOP: Yeah, I know, I've been hovering in the ether. (He closes the door as Phoebe sinks down into the sofa and puts her feet up on the table.) COOP: So, did you talk to Billie? How'd it go? PHOEBE: Ah, yeah. I talked to her, right up until the point where Piper tried to kill her. (Coop sits down on the ottoman facing her.) COOP: What? What are you talking about? PHOEBE: I don't want a go through again, but it didn't go well. And I don't want to bore you with all this family drama. COOP: Well, I'm here. Bore me. PHOEBE: But it has nothing to do with love. COOP: Yeah, it does. Family love. It's your sisters, right? Come on, try me. PHOEBE: Okay, if I ask you a question ... you have to promise me that you're going to be really honest. COOP: Yeah, absolutely. (She sighs.) PHOEBE: Do you think I'm selfish? COOP: Selfish? PHOEBE: Yeah, selfish. I mean, do you think it's wrong for me to want a life after being Charmed? You know, with work, and -- and friends and - COOP: -- Love? PHOEBE: (smiles) Yeah, and love too. I mean, is that so wrong for me to want those things? COOP: No. I mean, not as far as I'm concerned. And obviously not as far the Elders are concerned, either, otherwise they wouldn't have sent me down here to you. I may be talking of turn 'cause I don't know for sure, but I would think with everything you've done for as long as you've done it, you deserve to have a life. All of you do. You've earned it. PHOEBE: (deeply touched) Thank you. COOP: Yeah. (though) PHOEBE: I just don't think Billie and Christy see it that way. COOP: (shakes his head) That doesn't matter. (She smiles at him. Her phone rings. She checks the CALLER ID and is surprised.) PHOEBE: It's Billie. (to Coop) What do I do? COOP: Whatever your heart tells you to. (After hesitating a moment, Phoebe answers the phone.) PHOEBE: (to phone) Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Piper is alone in her bedroom, sitting on the table and deep in her own thoughts. Elder Sandra orbs in.) PIPER: (quietly) Thanks for coming. SANDRA: Of course. (Piper stands up.) PIPER: I need to know if Billie and Christy are the ones who are going to have to fight to get Leo back. SANDRA: Boy, you get right to the point, don't you? PIPER: Please. SANDRA: I don't know, Piper, I'm sorry. Only the Angel of Destiny knows. PIPER: How is that possible? If this is the great threat everybody's so worried about, how can you not know who it is? What do you guys do up there all day? SANDRA: (cautiously) We think that ... it might be, yes -- PIPER: ... perfect. SANDRA: Especially after the involvement of the Triad. You have to understand that this plan was put into motion years before you even knew that you were witches. PIPER: But, why? SANDRA: Perhaps they anticipated that no one would ever be able to defeat you. So rather than looking for more demons, they recruited powerful witches just like you. And, perhaps, even more importantly ... Powerful sisters. PIPER: Would you like to explain that to Phoebe? Because I don't think she's gonna believe me. SANDRA: It won't make it any easier for her to know. Billie ... (sighs) ... is a friend, a person. That's what makes it all the more insidious. PIPER: (afraid to even ask) So, how do we defeat them? SANDRA: (with concern) I wish I knew. (Holding her look for a long beat, Sandra orbs out leaving Piper with more knowledge and no solutions.) (Paige appears in the doorway.) PAIGE: Hey! Guess who just called? (Camera holds on Piper.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [INT. MANOR - STAIRS/SITTING ROOM - DAY] (Paige fills Piper in as they descend the stairs.) PIPER: Did she say what she wanted? PAIGE: Just that she wanted to speak to us. PIPER: Yeah, well, great, then this could be a trap. Did she o call Phoebe? PHOEBE: (o.s.) Yeah, she did. (They stop and looks up finding Phoebe standing in the Conservatory, waiting for them.) (Piper and Paige head over.) PIPER: (worried) Well, at the risk of your wrath, I 'm gonna tell you that this could be a very bad idea. PHOEBE: I know, but please lets just listen at what Billie has to say. PIPER: (to Phoebe) I just spoke with an Elder and she confirmed that this could be very big trouble for us. PAIGE: What? PIPER: She wasn't a hundred percent sure, but it is a possibility, which means sooner or later -- (A large column of white smoke rises up. When it dissipates, Billie is standing there. Her hands are hidden behind her back.) PIPER: You know, considering you want to kill us, maybe you should use the front door. BILLIE: I don't want kill you, Piper, I just want to find out the truth. PHOEBE: How do we help you find that? BILLIE: Like this. (Billie throws a vials on the floor and smashes it. The girls glow, then collapse on the floor unconscious.) (A second column of white smoke rises as Christy arrives at the manor.) BILLIE: You promise not to hurt them, right? CHRISTY: Not until you see what you need to see. (Billie and Christy turn to looks at the girls unconscious on the floor.) FLASH OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY] (Billie and Christy step closer to the sleeping girls.) BILLIE: (worried) They're barely breathing. CHRISTY: The potion put them into a deep sleep so all they do is dream. (Billie kneels down to check on them.) CHRISTY: And since dreams provide insight, you'll be able to see what they truly care about. BILLIE: How? MIKELLE: (o.s.) Paige? (Billie stands up.) BILLIE: Who are you? MIKELLE: I'm Mikelle. I'm her charge - (Mikelle looks down at the girls on the floor, then she looks at Billie - thinking the absolute worst.) MIKELLE: Oh my god! (Mikelle turns and leaves.) BILLIE: Wait, no, no, no! (Christy stops Billie from following her.) CHRISTY: It's okay. No. Just let her go. BILLIE: But, what if she's in trouble? CHRISTY: She's not our concern. They are. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MANOR - FRONT PORCH - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The front door opens and Mikelle runs out of the house. She slams the door closed. Just then, Salek black orbs in right in front of her.) SALEK: Looks like your Whitelighter left you uncloaked. Big mistake. (Mikelle tries to run, but Salek grabs her neck.) SALEK: No, no, no. MIKELLE: (terrified) Please, what do you want? SALEK: (ominous) I want your screams to draw her directly to me. (And he black orbs them both out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY] (Christy explains how it works to Billie.) CHRISTY: Everything in dream world has a meaning, all the people, the places, the emotions -- they're all manifestations of who they truly are, together as well as separately. BILLIE: Will they know they're dreaming? CHRISTY: Yes. They'll probably think that they were sent there, so you're gonna have to be careful. You just have to play a role, and make them believe you're just part of their dreams. BILLIE: Well, how will I find their inner truths? CHRISTY: Well, they'll have to find their inner truths in order to wake up, all you have to do is follow them. Just think of a sister ... and, poof, you're there. That's dream world. This will get you in and out. (She shows Billie a red crystal.) CHRISTY: Are you ready? BILLIE: I hope you're wrong. CHRISTY: Billie, if I am wrong, we'll leave them alone, just like I promised. But, if I'm not -- BILLIE: I know, I know. (Billie takes the red crystal from Christy, closes her eyes and changes into a glow of light that separates into three pieces and swirls down, down, down - and settles one piece onto each sister's head.) SMASH ZOOM TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR - CONSERVATORY - NIGHT] (The air ripples and we find ourselves in Dream World. Inside the manor. Everything is a shade darker and shadow-y.) (The sisters are up and about looking around.) PIPER: Anything? (Phoebe bounds down the stairs. She meets up with Piper and Paige.) PHOEBE: No. Everything seems normal. Sort of. PAIGE: Well, Mikelle is gone. PIPER: And so is Billie. She obviously did something to us. PAIGE: Yeah, but what? PIPER: I don't know, but this is weird, and that's never good. (Piper whacks Phoebe on her arm. Hard.) PHOEBE: Oww! PIPER: I told you it was a trap! PAIGE: Okay, we need to figure out what she did to us and fast. (Phoebe sighs. She turns and sees Billie step out into the hallway.) PHOEBE: Oh, why we just ask her? BILLIE: Oh, hey, guys, what's up? (Phoebe and Paige separate to flank Billie. Billie cuts a quick exit.) BILLIE: I'm ... late for class. Bye. PIPER: No you don't! (Piper runs to stop her.) [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR - FOYER - NIGHT] (As they watch, Billie runs out of the foyer, out the front door and completely through a green force shield around the house. She vanishes.) (Phoebe tries to stop at the door, but the force shield around the house pulls her in - then Piper and Paige.) PHOEBE/PIPER/PAIGE: Whoa, whoa, whoa! (They're sucked completely into the force shield and vanish.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (DREAMWORLD) THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN - NIGHT (PHOEBE'S DREAM)] (Phoebe appears in the bullpen. She stops and looks around. The place is being run with children. There's a little girl boss sitting at the desk.) (Another little girl journalist carries her work to the first little girl.) LITTLE GIRL BOSS: This article's too long, you've gotta cut it down. LITTLE GIRL JOURNALIST: Wait, can't we just take some space from "Ask Phoebe"? (The little girl journalist turns and looks at Phoebe.) LITTLE GIRL JOURNALIST: Well, mom, what do you think? PHOEBE: Wait, wha-- ? Did you just say mom? What? LITTLE GIRL BOSS: You should just answer one letter today. Will it kill you? PHOEBE: Hold up, wait a minute. LITTLE GIRL JOURNALIST: We're running out of time, you know, you can't keep putting us on hold. (The little girl journalist looks sadly at Phoebe.) COOP: (o.s.) Baby. Come here. (She turns and sees Coop peering out through her darkened office door.) PHOEBE: Baby? COOP: Honey, come on! (Phoebe turns and heads for Coop.) (Cut to: From the bullpen door, Billie watches Phoebe. She leaves, the door closing behind her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (DREAMWORLD) HENRY'S OFFICE - NIGHT (PAIGE'S DREAM)] (Paige is trying the phone.) PAIGE: What the hell is going on? (she looks up) Piper? Phoebe? ... (weakly) ... Henry? DREAM PAIGE: (o.s.) Henry's not here. (Through the open door, she sees Dream Paige in a long white gown standing out in the hallway.) PAIGE: Who the -- DREAM PAIGE: but then you're not looking for him anyway. PAIGE: What do you mean? I'm not? DREAM PAIGE: Follow me. (Dream Paige turns and walks down the hallway.) [INT. (DREAMWORLD) - HENRY'S OFFICE - LONG HALLWAY - NIGHT (PAIGE'S DREAM)] (Dream Paige leads Paige through the hall and around the corner.) PAIGE: Hold on, wait! (Paige stops and watches Dream Paige walk away.) (There's a glow and Dream Mikelle appears.) DREAM MIKELLE: What about me? PAIGE: Mikelle, what are you doing here? DREAM MIKELLE: (weakly) I need your help. (Paige turns and sees Dream Paige walking away around another corner.) PAIGE: Okay. Uh, stay here and wait for me. I'll be right back. (Paige runs after Dream Paige. Dream Mikelle glows and vanishes.) (Billie watches from around the corner.) FLASH TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) P-3 - NIGHT (PIPER'S DREAM)] (Piper is walking through an angry crowd, angry that there's no band there for the night.) PIPER: Where's the band? This is a rip-off! (She makes her way through the crowd.) PIPER: Phoebe? Paige? (A man walks past her.) PIPER: Excuse you. BARTENDER: You going to tell me you forgot to sign the contract? PIPER: What? BARTENDER: You can't keep neglecting everything for Leo, you know? PIPER: Hey, wait - (Some people cross Piper's line of vision of the Bartender, and then he's gone.) (Sitting at the bar, Piper sees Billie watching her.) PIPER: (accusing) You! (Piper heads over. Spotted, Billie gets up to leave. Piper catches her.) PIPER: Alright, I want answers. Now! (She pulls her to the side.) BILLIE: Oh - [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (DREAMWORLD) P-3 - NIGHT (PIPER'S DREAM)] (Piper pushes Billie down into the chair.) PIPER: I'm listening. BILLIE: What's your problem? PIPER: My problem? My problem is I want to know what you did to us, and why. BILLIE: I didn't do anything. You did it. PIPER: I did it? What does that mean? BILLIE: You tell me. It's your dream. PIPER: My dream? What are you talking about? (Billie tries to stand up. Piper pushes her back down in the chair.) PIPER: I asked you a question. BILLIE: What're you going to do, blow me up again like last time? PIPER: Last time? BILLIE: Every damn dream lately, that's all you ever do. Like I'm responsible for Leo or something. PIPER: Are you trying to drive me crazy? BILLIE: Look, I'm not the bad guy here, okay? As much you want to demonize me, I'm not the problem. PIPER: Okay, fine. Then what is? BILLIE: How do I know? Look, you know the truth, you know what you're all about. Find it. (Billie steps away from Piper. Billie closes her eyes.) BILLIE: Phoebe. (She vanishes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (DREAMWORLD) THE BAY MIRROR - OUTER CORRIDOR - NIGHT (PHOEBE'S DREAM)] (Billie stands outside in the hallway of the Bay Mirror offices. Everything is quiet. Billie heads into the bullpen.) [INT. (DREAMWORLD) THE BAY MIRROR - PHOEBE'S OFFICE - NIGHT (PHOEBE'S DREAM)] (Inside, Coop has Phoebe pressed back into the wall. They're so close, their breath intermingle. They desperately want to kiss the other.) PHOEBE: Wait. We shouldn't be doing this. COOP: Shh. We have to hurry. PHOEBE: What do you mean? Why do you keep saying that? COOP: You want a family, don't you? Kids? PHOEBE: Well, yeah, but it doesn't it go against all the Cupid rules? COOP: There are no rules in a dream. PHOEBE: A dream? COOP: Yeah. PHOEBE: Is that what this is? COOP: It's gonna be whatever you want it to be. PHOEBE: Wait a minute, you and me in a dream -- (Phoebe realizes something.) PHOEBE: Oh boy. (Phoebe pulls out of Coop's embrace and heads out of the office.) [INT. (DREAMWORLD) THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN - NIGHT (PHOEBE'S DREAM) -- CONTINUOUS] (She exits her office and makes her way through the busy children to the door.) PHOEBE: Oh, sorry. PHOEBE: Excuse me. PHOEBE: Whoo! (Phoebe heads out. In the back of the office, Billie watches.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. (DREAMWORLD) ALLEY - NIGHT (PAIGE'S DREAM)] (Paige hurries through the dark alley to find Dream Paige hovering mid-air in medication on a seat of orb lights.) PAIGE: Ah! What the hell? DREAM PAIGE: Come, seek. (Paige steps forward.) PAIGE: Seek what, exactly? DREAM PAIGE: Your inner truth. What you keep searching for and what keeps alluding you. PAIGE: Please, tell me I'm not dreaming about myself. Why can't I dream about somebody cool like, I don't know, Quentin Tarantino? DREAM PAIGE: Not until you find you. The search for self is a noble one, and if you don't find it, you'll be lost, imbalanced, and ultimately spread too thin. PAIGE: Yeah, well. Tell me something I don't know. DREAM PAIGE: You don't know me, but you want to. More than anything. (Unknown to Paige, in the alley behind her, Billie watches and listens.) (Billie closes her eyes and flashes out.) (Suddenly, Dream Paige opens her mouth and screams in pain.) QUICK FLASH TO: MIKELLE (Somewhere dark, injured and dying.) MIKELLE: (gasps) Paige? (As Paige watches, Dream Paige vanishes.) PAIGE: Mikelle. (Paige turns and runs out of the alley.) RIPPLE TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR - FOYER/CONSERVATORY - NIGHT] (The front door opens and Phoebe walks in.) PHOEBE: Piper? Paige? (Phoebe turns and finds Piper in the Conservatory.) PHOEBE: Oh, Piper. Thank god, I found you. Wait, this is you, right? Not some weird wacky manifestation? PIPER: Wacky, maybe. Do you think we're dreaming, too? PHOEBE: What else could it be? (Phoebe sits down.) PIPER: What I don't get is why would Billie do this to us? I mean, what does she get out of it? PHOEBE: I don't know, but we have to figure out a way to wake up, otherwise we're in deep ... trouble. PIPER: Oh, so now you're worried about Billie and Christy? PHOEBE: Well, yeah. I mean, I may be an optimist, but I'm not stupid, you know? Have you seen Paige? PIPER: No, you? (Phoebe shakes her head.) PIPER: Well, they don't want to kill us, if they did we'd be dead, not dreaming. PHOEBE: What were you dreaming about? PIPER: Neglect. Apparently I put everything in my life on hold for Leo. PHOEBE: Sounds about right. PIPER: What were you dreaming about? PHOEBE: Oh, you know, I'd rather not get into it, really. (Phoebe glances at Piper's look and caves.) PHOEBE: Okay, I was dreaming about me and Coop, and --you know, we were ... doing stuff ... PIPER: (chuckles) Hang on a second. So you're having s*x dreams while I'm sitting here wracked with guilt? PHOEBE: I'm sure he was just representing what really wanted, you know? I mean -- I don't want him, obviously, you know, because even if I did, I -- I couldn't -- I couldn't have him ... because of all the rules. (Phoebe sighs.) PIPER: Okay you're the big psychology major, how do we get out of this? What do we do now? PHOEBE: I think we go deeper. I think we have to follow our dreams wherever they lead us, and hope that we wake up. PIPER: Hopefully. (Up on the stairs, Billie watches and listens to their conversation.) PIPER: (o.s.) Okay, so how do we do that? PHOEBE: (o.s.) I don't know, let's start by interpreting wherever we've already been, and try to figure out where our dreams are gonna take us. (THUMP! Billie turns at the sounds coming from the attic. She looks back at Phoebe and Piper, then heads upstairs to check the attic.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR - ATTIC - NIGHT] (Billie walks cautiously into the attic and looks around. At first she doesn't see anyone, then-- THUD! (Paige is behind the potions table digging through a trunk. She's just picked up the Book of Shadows and puts it down on the table.) BILLIE: Paige. (Paige looks up, angry and desperate.) PAIGE: You! (Paige advances toward Billie.) Get me out of here, now! (Billie backs away.) BILLIE: (plays dumb) I don't know what you're talking about -- (Paige reaches Billie and slams her up against the attic wall.) PAIGE: Look, I don't have time for this crap, okay? You want to stop us, you think we're selfish, whatever. But if you don't get me out of here right now, my charge is going to die! Is that what you want? FLASH TO: [INT. (REAL WORLD) MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY] (Christy paces the floor as she waits. A red-ish light rises out of Paige, swirls around and Billie materializes next to Christy.) CHRISTY: Welcome back. (Paige gasps and wakes up.) CHRISTY: What's this? BILLIE: I didn't have a choice. (Paige looks worriedly over at Piper and Phoebe.) PAIGE: Piper, Phoebe? BILLIE: They can't wake up, not yet ... but don't worry, they'll be fine, I promise. PAIGE: They'd better be. (Paige orbs out. Billie sighs.) BILLIE: I've gotta get back. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UNDERWORLD - DARKLIGHTER'S LAIR - NIGHT] (Mikelle is barely breathing. She's on the floor and slumped against the wall as Paige orbs in.) MIKELLE: Paige? PAIGE: Oh my god, Mikelle. (Paige is hit in the back by two Darklighter arrows, her body jerking from the impact.) (Paige falls to the floor. Behind her, Salek lowers his crossbow.) (Barely alive, Mikelle looks at Paige.) (Salek walks over to Paige and kneels. He tosses his crossbow aside.) SALEK: Well hopefully you'll die faster than it took you to get here. [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) RIPPLE IN: [EXT. (DREAMWORLD) HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR - CONSERVATORY - NIGHT] (Piper paces while Phoebe sits at the table, her head in her hands.) PIPER: I don't understand. Why isn't it working? PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, maybe we're thinking too hard. Maybe we just need to let it go and see what happens. PIPER: I can't, I'm too worried. I'm worried about Paige, I mean, why haven't we seen her? PHOEBE: Maybe she got out. PIPER: Or maybe not. PHOEBE: Well, there's nothing we can do until we get back, so our only choice is to follow our dreams. PIPER: All right, all right, all right. (Phoebe sighs. Piper sits down.) PHOEBE: Okay, what did Billie say to you at the club? PIPER: Uh, she said something about I kept blowing her up, and, you know, right about now, that seems like a pretty fabulous idea. PHOEBE: Blowing her up, why? PIPER: Because I think she's responsible for Leo, which, if she's talking about getting him back, then she would be correct. PHOEBE: Okay, maybe you need to stop focusing on Billie, and focus on Leo. I mean, that's what the bartender said, too. PIPER: Mm. And what about you and your lover? PHOEBE: I don't think it relates to him. I mean, not directly. Anyway, I think it more has to do with -- (There's a crash and a cry.) GIRL: (o.s.) Mommy, mommy! PHOEBE: Did you hear that? PIPER: What, your tall exotic lover? PHOEBE: No! GIRL: (o.s.) Mommy, hurry! PHOEBE: You didn't hear that? Okay, you wait here. (Phoebe gets up and heads out.) PHOEBE: Keep thinking about Leo. (Phoebe rushes into the kitchen.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR - KITCHEN - NIGHT (PHOEBE'S DREAM)] (Phoebe walks into the kitchen.) GIRL: (o.s.) I'm sorry, mommy. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps inside.) PHOEBE: (to herself) Okay. Just go with it. (Phoebe goes to the little girl on the floor and sits down with her.) PHOEBE: (to the girl) What happened little sweet girl? GIRL: (crying) I wanted some cookies, but I fell. PHOEBE: Oh well, it's okay. Mommy is here now. GIRL: Okay. You almost didn't make it. You almost missed me. PHOEBE: What do you mean? GIRL: You've gotta hurry, or it's going to be too late to have me. Don't you want me, mommy? PHOEBE: Yes, of course I do, more than anything in this world. (Phoebe hugs the little girl.) (Camera moves over quickly to find Billie watching through the crack in the door. After a moment, she withdraws.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR - CONSERVATORY/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (PIPER'S DREAM)] (Billie turns and watches Piper sitting at the table in the Conservatory. After a beat, Piper hears children laughing and running.) (She gets up to look and finds a group of children of various ages, playing and laughing in the living room.) OLD LEO: (o.s.) Music to the ear, huh? (Piper turns around and finds a white-haired old man smiling at her.) OLD LEO: A house full of grandkids. It's what we always dreamed of, isn't it, Piper? PIPER: Leo? (He smiles at her. Piper steps forward and hugs Old Leo.) OLD LEO: Save me. PIPER: Whatever it takes. (Seeing this, Billie looks at the red crystal in her hand and withdraws.) (Piper and Old Leo hug.) PAIGE (VISION): (o.s.) Piper. (Piper looks up and sees a vision of Paige in the Conservatory. She pulls away from Old Leo.) PAIGE (VISION): Help. SWOOSH TO: [INT. (REAL WORLD) MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY] (With a gasp, Phoebe and Piper wake up. Piper sits up and looks for Paige.) PHOEBE: We're back. PIPER: Yeah, but where's Paige? PHOEBE: You don't think Billie -- PIPER: No, she didn't do this to hurt us, but she did it for some reason. (They both stand up.) PHOEBE: So is she off the hook? (They both head for the stairs.) PIPER: Hardly but that's tomorrow's problem. Now, we've gotta find Paige. (Camera pans around the room where Billie and Christy step out.) CHRISTY: Well? BILLIE: (still conflicted) It's not wrong to want what they want. CHRISTY: It is when they've got the kind of powers they do. When they use those powers to get what they want, at the expense of all else? (then) Somebody's gotta stop them, Billie, before its too late. BILLIE: I know. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UNDERWORLD - DARKLIGHTER'S LAIR - NIGHT] (Paige is dying, her breathing shallow, eyes listless and hollow. Her body jerks upward as Salek pulls out the second arrow.) SALEK: No need to waste good arrows. (Salek checks Paige's pulse.) SALEK: (then to Paige, actually impressed) You're a strong one, aren't you? But it'll be over soon. (Behind him, Piper and Phoebe magically appear in a swirl of orb lights. Salek stands, turns and realizes who they are.) SALEK: (gloats) You're too late. (Piper gestures and Salek explodes.) (Phoebe steps forward to check on Paige.) PHOEBE: Oh my god, Paige! Paige! (turns to Piper) Hang in there, what do we do? PIPER: We need a whitelighter. (We hear orbing sounds. Piper looks up and sees Mikelle's dead body nearby. Orb lights swirl around.) (Phoebe stands up.) (Mikelle appears.) MIKELLE: Maybe that's why I'm here. (Mikelle's hands start to glow gold. She looks at her hands, then kneels down next to Paige. She puts her glowing hands over Paige's wound and heals her.) (Paige gasps.) (Mikelle gets up. Paige looks at Mikelle.) PAIGE: Mikelle. MIKELLE: Paige. You were right. I was meant for something special, and I think I just did it. (She hears the Elder's call. Mikelle gasps and looks up. She orbs out.) (Camera holds on Piper and Phoebe, then Paige.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] (By the crackling fireplace, Paige sips out of a cup. Phoebe and Piper join her.) PHOEBE: Hey, how're you doing? You okay? PAIGE: Yeah, I guess I'm okay. Considering -- PIPER: Considering what? PAIGE: Considering I was supposed to save my charge, and instead she ended up saving me. Maybe Billie's right. Maybe we are selfish. PHOEBE: No. Wanting our life doesn't make us selfish. It's makes us normal. PAIGE: Yeah, well, we're not normal. We're the Charmed Ones. PIPER: Nobody said we had to be that for the rest of our lives. It's not written in stone. PHOEBE: Yeah, if wanting children and ... Enlightenment and Leo back makes us selfish then, I'm guilty. PIPER: I'd say we've done enough. And that doesn't make us evil. PAIGE: Well I think it does, from Billie and Christy's warped point of view. So what are we gonna do? (Piper and Phoebe look at each other.) PHOEBE: We're gonna stop them ... before they stop us. [SCENE_BREAK] TITLE/OPENING CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] TRANSCRIBED FROM WB Starring: ALYSSA MILANO as Phoebe Halliwell ROSE McGOWAN as Paige Matthews and HOLLY MARIE COMBS as Piper KALEY CUOCO as Billie Jenkins Created by CONSTANCE M. BURGE Guest Starring MARNETTE PATTERSON as Christy Jenkins SARA DOWNING as Mikelle PETER WINGFIELD ELIZABETH DENNEHY as Sandra (Elder) and VICTOR WEBSTER as Coop (Cupid) Editor: DON KELLY Production Designer: PAUL STAHELI Directory of Photography: JONATHAN WEST, ASC Consulting Producer: JONATHAN LEVIN Co-Producer: CAMERON LITVACK Producer: PETER CHOMSKY Producer: HOLLY MARIE COMBS Producer: ALYSSA MILANO Supervising Producer: JEANNINE RENSHAW Supervising Producer: ROB WRIGHT Co-Executive Producer: JAMES L. CONWAY Produced By: JON PARE [SCENE_BREAK] Executive Producer: BRAD KERN Executive Producer: AARON SPELLING Executive Producer: E. DUKE VINCENT Spelling Television Inc., A CBS Company Executive Story Editor: LIZ SEGAL Associate Producer: LARRY GOLDSTEIN Co Starring: MATTHEW SCALLON as Sid ADAIR TISHLER as Little Girl LIV HUTCHINGS as Little Journalist DARION BASCO as Dominique Co Starring: GORDON WELLS as Elderly Man KRISTOPHER SIMMONS as Wyatt #1 JASON SIMMONS as Wyatt #2 CARLO CASTRONOVO as Clubgoer Music By: JAY GRUSKA Casting by: KIMBERLY LANSE FOSTER Original Casting by VICTORIA HUFF, C.S.A. Unit Production Manager: JON PARE First Assistant Director: VINCENT GONZALES Second Assistant Director: BERYL COHEN Costume Designer: DANIELA GSCHWENDTNER Camera Operator: KRIS KROSSKOVE 1st Assistant Camera: HAL ARNOLD Chief Lighting Technician: DON LEHMAN Asst. Chief Lighting Technician: COOPER DONALDSON Set Designer: ROLAND HILL Set Decorator: ROBINSON ROYCE, S.D.S.A. Leadperson: MICHAEL ZUFELT Property Master: ROGER MONTESANO Assistant Property Master: SCOTT COCKERELL Script Supervisor: NANCY SOLOMAN Costume Supervisor: CHIC GENNARELLI Dept. Head Key Make-Up Artist: NANETTE NEW Key Make-up artist: ANI MALONEY Key Make-Up Artist: BRET MARDOCK Dept. Head Key Hairstylist: AUDREY FUTTERMAN-STERN Key Hairstylist: BRANDON WAGGONER Sound Mixer: BRETT GRANT-GRIERSON Transportation Coordinator: MARTIN COBLENZ Production Coordinator: RICK NAPOLI Production Accountant: BRYAN MACDONALD Script Coordinator: SCOTT LIPSEY First Company Grip: STEVE GAUSCHE 2nd Company Grip: TOM HAM Construction Coordinator: STAR FIELDS Stunt Coordinator: NOON ORSATTI Special Effects Coordinator: RANDY CABRAL Special Effects Shop Coordinator: VINNIE BORGESE Visual Effects Supervisor: STEPHEN LEBED Casting Associate: KAREN P. MORRIS Assistant to Brad Kern: ANDREA CONWAY Assistant to Jon Pare: JENNIFER REES Assistant to the Writers: RICK MULRRAGUL Technical Advisor: JOHN RICHARD TODD Assistant Editor: EUGENE WOOD Music Editor: NINO CENTURION Supervising Sound Editor: JEFF CLARK Music Coordinator: CELEST RAY Re-Recording Mixers: JOSH SCHNEIDER / BRUCE MICHAELS Film and Electronic Laboratory (tm) by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Lenses and Panaflex(R) Camera by PANAVISION(R) Digital Sound Editing and Mixing by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Digital Visual Effects by ENCORE VIDEO Executive in Charge of Production: GAIL M. PATTERSON Executive in Charge of Post-Production: KENNETH MILLER This motion picture is protected under the laws of the United States and other countries. Any unauthorized duplication, copying, distribution, exhibition or use may result in civil liability and or criminal prosecution. The places and characters depicted herein are entirely fictitious, and any similarity to any real places or people is purely coincidental. (c) 2006 by Spelling Television Inc., A CBS company. All rights reserved. Country of First Publication: United States of America Spelling Television Inc., is the author of this film / motion picture for the purpose of Article 15(2) of the Berne Convention and all National Laws giving effect thereto. TheWB.com Dated:06/25/2006
Plan: A: the Charmed Ones; Q: Who does Christy believe is no longer working for the greater good? A: the greater good; Q: What did Christy want to prove that the Charmed Ones no longer worked for? A: Christy; Q: Who casts a spell on Piper, Phoebe, and Paige? A: Phoebe; Q: Who has an encounter with Coop that rekindles her desire to have children? A: Paige; Q: Who tries to keep Mikelle safe from a Darklighter? A: a dream-like state; Q: What state does Christy's spell cause Piper, Phoebe, and Paige to fall into? A: a meeting; Q: What does Piper have with one of the Elders before the spell? A: evil purposes; Q: What is Billie and Christy being recruited for? A: Mikelle; Q: Who helps the sisters realize that Billie and Christy need to be stopped so Leo can be saved? Summary: To prove her point about the Charmed Ones no longer working for the greater good to Billie, Christy casts a spell on Piper, Phoebe, and Paige that causes them to fall into a dream-like state. Before this occurs however, Piper has a meeting with one of the Elders in regards to Billie and Christy possibly being recruited for evil purposes; Phoebe has an encounter with Coop that rekindles her desire to have children; Paige tries to keep her newest charge, Mikelle safe from a Darklighter. It is ultimately help received from Mikelle that causes the sisters to realize that Billie and Christy need to be stopped so Leo can be saved.
5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1. INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (SUSAN operates the door control and starts to walk hesitantly out.) (A crack of thunder and a flash of lightening...) (...makes her hesitate momentarily but then she summons courage and walks through the doors....) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. FOREST (SUSAN walks through the exterior doors, the box of drugs gripped tightly. Thunder and lightening still fill the air. A flash of lightning illuminates a being stood on a rock to one side of the TARDIS. SUSAN sinks to the ground in fear, but the being is not a mutant. It is a perfectly proportioned, blond haired man, wearing a strange cloak covered in hexagonal shaped scales.) SUSAN: (Her voice shaking.) Who are you? What do you want? ALYDON: Don't be afraid. SUSAN: (Shouting in fear.) What do you want? (The man steps further into the light. SUSAN realises that he is nothing like a mutant but instead has a perfect form. He fear disappears and is replaced by wonder.) SUSAN: But...they said you were...but, they called you...but you're not - you're perfect! ALYDON: I tried to speak to you in the forest yesterday, but I frightened you. I'm sorry. SUSAN: I was frightened! I was terrified! ALYDON: Yes, I was very clumsy. I have come now to make certain you understand how to use the drugs I left for you. SUSAN: You left? But we thought they'd been dropped by accident. ALYDON: No. SUSAN: We didn't even know they were drugs... ALYDON: (Startled.) You mean you haven't taken them yet? But you must! (SUSAN gets up from the ground.) SUSAN: Well, that's why I came back, you see. My...my Grandfather and two of my friends are prisoners in the city and... ALYDON: No, please, please, you're...you're too quick for me. (SUSAN cowers back slightly as the man jumps down from the rock and approaches her.) ALYDON: There are four of you, I know that - I've watched you - but what do you mean, "prisoners"? SUSAN: Well, don't you know about the Daleks? ALYDON: But... (He looks through the trees towards the city.) ALYDON: So the Dalek people have survived. (Points.) But...but do they live in that dead city? SUSAN: Well, underneath it, anyway. You see, the Daleks want the drugs too, and they won't let us go until I bring them back to them. ALYDON: But why should they want the drugs? Surely they must have some themselves if they're still alive? SUSAN: (Tearfully.) I don't know! Look, my Grandfather and my friends are terribly ill, and I must take the drug back to them...please?! (SUSAN starts to move off....) ALYDON: No, no, no wait! (SUSAN stops.) ALYDON: Are you sure the Daleks want the drugs for your friends and not for themselves? SUSAN: I hadn't thought of that... ALYDON: Do you trust them? SUSAN: No! Well...I'm not sure. ALYDON: You still have the drugs I left for you. I shall give you a further supply which you must hide as best you can... (He takes a second metal box from within his cloak and passes it to SUSAN. She shrinks back from the proffered gift.) ALYDON: (Gently.) Do you trust me? (SUSAN pauses, then smiles.) SUSAN: Yes! (She takes the box.) ALYDON: I am Alydon of the Thal race. (He takes off his cloak.) ALYDON: I shall go with you through the forest to the outer wall of the city - if you will allow me? SUSAN: Thank you. I don't understand, they said you were, well, they called you mutations. ALYDON: Here, take my cloak, you're cold. (He wraps his cloak around SUSAN'S shoulders.) SUSAN: Thank you ALYDON: We are the survivors of a final war, but the radiation still persists and that is why your friends are ill. I wonder if the Daleks have seen us? SUSAN: Seen you? ALYDON: I mean, if they call us "mutations", what must they be like...? (He leads her back through the trees...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (One DALEK glides forward and joins another at a control console. The voice of another DALEK issues from the console...) DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) I have returned the girl to the cell. FIRST DALEK: Very well. DALEK: (OOV: over tannoy.) They are asking for water. FIRST DALEK: Give them some. (It switches off the tannoy and speaks to its companion....) FIRST DALEK: It is clear that the girl must have made contact with the Thals. SECOND DALEK: Our prisoners could bring the Thals to us. FIRST DALEK: Precisely that. (The FIRST DALEK glides away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. CITY. CELL (SUSAN is tending to the DOCTOR who is still unconscious.) SUSAN: (Worried.) The Thal said the drug would act quickly. (IAN and BARBARA are now fully recovered.) IAN: Don't give him any more water, Susan. His pulse is steady now anyway. BARBARA: My arms are tingling. SUSAN: Yes, Alydon said you'd feel that. It...it just means the drug's working, that's all. IAN: This Alydon of yours seems to have kept his wits about him - giving you that extra supply of drugs. SUSAN: Yes, It was strange when the Daleks found it. I thought first of all they were going to keep both lots, then they suddenly seemed to change their mind and gave the second lot back to me. IAN: Yes...still, the Thals seem more friendly. SUSAN: Oh yes. Alydon gave me this cloak to keep me warm. (SUSAN picks up the cloak from the floor.) BARBARA: Why do the Daleks think they're mutations? SUSAN: I don't know. Judging by Alydon, they're magnificent people. (The DOCTOR starts to stir.) DOCTOR: (Weakly.) Susan... (SUSAN drops the cloak and rushes to his side. The old man is still covered in sweat.) SUSAN: Grandfather! You'll feel better soon. DOCTOR: Yeah... SUSAN: I brought the drugs back. DOCTOR: Oh...oh, give me a little while...and then...we must go...back to the ship... SUSAN: No, we're still prisoners... DOCTOR: Oh, are we? Oh yes, well, we will...we must leave here soon, we must, we must leave... must... (He drifts off again.) SUSAN: As soon as Grandfather's properly awake, we must try and find a way of helping the Thals. BARBARA: We can't even help ourselves, locked up in here like this. (She walks off and, dejected, sits next to IAN.) SUSAN: We must try and talk to the Daleks. (She picks up the cloak again.) SUSAN: Alydon says the Thals are going to starve unless they can find new supplies of food. (She spreads the cloak out on the floor and sits on it.) SUSAN: You see, after the war, the Thals that survived managed to cultivate small plots of land. Well, that's how they've survived ever since. But they've always had to be very, very careful, because the crops have always been in danger. But you see, they rely on a great rainfall that only happens about every four or five years... (Above SUSAN, a camera fixed in an arch of the cell is watching and listening to her....) SUSAN: ...well, it's two years overdue now, and all their crops are ruined. Well, that's why the whole Thal race had to leave their plateau... [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. CITY CONTROL ROOM (The DALEKS watch the girl on their monitor and listen to SUSAN'S words....) SUSAN: (On monitor.)... and go in search of food. Alydon says unless we can help them...them arrange some sort of treaty with the Daleks, well they're all going to die. IAN: (OOV: On monitor.) But how can we, Susan? SUSAN: (On monitor.) Well, he wants to talk to the Daleks. He said if they agree to supply food for them, then one of us must take a message outside the city. (One DALEK turns off the scanner.) SECOND DALEK: We could let this catastrophe destroys the Thals. FIRST DALEK: Will they let themselves starve to death? No. I feel preserving our prisoners was a good idea. SECOND DALEK: And an arrangement to bring the Thals inside our city an even better one. FIRST DALEK: We'll let our prisoners sleep, and then give them food. After that, we can plan. SECOND DALEK: Why not begin...now? (The FIRST DALEK'S iris contracts as it speaks...) FIRST DALEK: Because the lapse of time, the relaxation of sleep, the provision of food...all these things will give them a false...sense...of se...cur...ity! [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. CITY. CELL (The travellers have been sleeping. The cell door slides open and all except the DOCTOR wake instantly as a DALEK stands in the doorway. In place of the usual arm is a different attachment - a tray with several items upon it.) DALEK: We have brought you food and more water. (The DOCTOR awakens as BARBARA moves forward and takes the tray.) DALEK: The girl is to come with me. (IAN leaps to his feet.) IAN: Why? SUSAN: It's all right. BARBARA: Well, what are they going to do to her? DALEK: She will be returned, We are going to help the Thals, which is what you want us to do. Come now. (SUSAN follows the DALEK out. The door closes.) DOCTOR: I can't understand. Why have they taken Susan? IAN: (Thoughtfully.) How do they know we want to help the Thals? [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. FOREST (ALYDON waits near the TARDIS. Several other Thals approach. Among them is a tall blond young Thal.) ALYDON: Ah, Ganatus! GANATUS: Alydon. ALYDON: You have been longer than I thought. GANATUS: The path was rough. ALYDON: The dead city lies over there... (He points through the trees. Behind them, an older Thal, wearing a simple crown on his order gives an order to some other of his people.) TEMMOSUS: Set the tent there, towards the west. (A young Thal girl wearing a short but elaborate headdress, walks past several Thals as they begin setting up the camp and approaches the TARDIS, She is DYONI. She gestures to the ship and speaks to the crowned leader.) DYONI: Oh, what is it, Temmosus? TEMMOSUS: This must be the craft in which the strangers arrived here. (ALYDON and GANATUS approach TEMMOSUS and DYONI.) TEMMOSUS: So, Alydon, we were right to believe the city inhabited. (ALYDON gives a short bow.) ALYDON: Yes, Temmosus. TEMMOSUS: I wonder what they'll be like? How they'll be disposed towards us... GANATUS: (Bitterly.) They are Daleks. TEMMOSUS: Yes, but we've changed over the centuries. Why shouldn't they? The once famous warrior race of Thals are now farmers. DYONI: But the Daleks were teachers weren't they, Temmosus? TEMMOSUS: Yes, they were - and philosophers. GANATUS: Perhaps they are the warriors now. TEMMOSUS: From the distance, the city looks as if they make science and invention their profession. It's a magical architecture. Perhaps we can exchange ideas with them, learn from them... (GANATUS has lain down on a nearby rock.) GANATUS: (Unconvinced.) Perhaps... (TEMMOSUS looks over the TARDIS.) TEMMOSUS: And these others, they arrived here in this weird object? ALYDON: Yes Temmosus. TEMMOSUS: And you trust them, Alydon? ALYDON: I have only spoken with the young girl... (DYONI spins round sharply.) ALYDON: But if the others are anything like her, I would trust them absolutely. TEMMOSUS: (Slightly mocking.) I hope you are not too generous in your beliefs. (To DYONI.) What do you say, Dyoni? Hmm? DYONI: (Haughtily.) I have no opinions on the matter. GANATUS: (Laughs.) How unusual! (He and ALYDON laugh.) TEMMOSUS: Where is the girl now? ALYDON: I have given her the drugs and she has returned to the city. DYONI: (Snaps.) It would have been better if you'd given it to a man instead of a girl. ALYDON: Well, I had no chance! They're prisoners in the city. GANATUS: (Suddenly alert.) "Prisoners"? TEMMOSUS: Are you sure? ALYDON: I'm afraid so. From everything the young girl said, the Daleks are certainly very suspicious of others. TEMMOSUS: Tell me, Alydon, how old is this young girl? ALYDON: Oh, no longer a child, not yet a woman. TEMMOSUS: Ah, then perhaps it's safe for you to talk to her... (He looks at DYONI.) TEMMOSUS: ...if she's not yet a woman. (GANATUS bursts out laughing as DYONI storms away. ALYDON watches her go.) ALYDON: I don't understand her! If we don't find the new food supply for next year, we're finished! Doesn't she understand that? We're all working towards the same end... GANATUS: Now there's a double meaning for you!! TEMMOSUS: (To ALYDON.) But don't you realise that Dyoni sees her personal future in you? You must remember that when we left our plateau and started on this journey, she was little more than a child - but that was four years ago. ALYDON: I am not quite so blind. GANATUS: (Scornfully.) Ha! TEMMOSUS: Well, go on. What have you planned? ALYDON: The young girl will speak with the Daleks, and the message will come from the city. TEMMOSUS: Direct from the girl? ALYDON: Yes. TEMMOSUS: But how shall we know that it's not a trick? ALYDON: Well, she told me her name - Susan - and that is how the message is to be signed. Otherwise, we shall know the Daleks are hostile to us. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (Surrounded by the creatures, SUSAN is sitting on the floor at a small table, writing on a pad as the DALEKS dictate a message to her.) FIRST DALEK: ...and liquid foods. Water in abundance. We can also supply...unlimited quantities of fresh vegetables which are forced in artificial sunlight. (SUSAN is struggling to keep up with the DALEK'S rapid pace of dictation.) SUSAN: Just a minute... "in artificial sunlight", all right , go on... SECOND DALEK: In return, we shall expect the Thals to help us in the recultivation of the land surrounding the ci... (SUSAN has stopped writing midway through this sentence.) FIRST DALEK: Why have you stopped writing?! SUSAN: Well, I can only ask them. I can't accept for them. FIRST DALEK: Then put down that we expect them to help us. (SUSAN recommences writing.) SUSAN: Yes, I'm sure they will. (SUSAN mutters the final lines as she writes them.) SECOND DALEK: Please sit still while we examine what you've written. (SUSAN holds the message pad up. The SECOND DALEK grabs hold of the pad on the end of its suction cup and holds it up in front of the eye-stalk of the FIRST DALEK.) FIRST DALEK: What is the last word here? SUSAN: The last word? FIRST DALEK: "Su..saan" (SUSAN bursts into laughter.) FIRST DALEK: Stop that noise! (She quiets down and attempts to explain.) SUSAN: Well, it...it's...it's what I'm called. It's my name. Susan. FIRST DALEK: And you told the Thals that you would write this "name" on the message? SUSAN: Yes. Look, there's no need to be frightened of them. They're very friendly people. All they want is food. Let me take the message to them. FIRST DALEK: No. SUSAN: Why not? SECOND DALEK: We have planned...otherwise. (The third DALEK moves with the letter towards the scanner. It bursts into life showing SUSAN'S companions in the cell.) IAN: (On monitor.) But how long are they going to keep Susan, Doctor? BARBARA: (On monitor.) What do they want with her? DOCTOR: (On monitor.) Perhaps they are going to let us go. I...I don't know. (The DALEK turns the scanner off.) SUSAN: (Proudly.) We knew you could hear us because you knew about the Thals and the food. FIRST DALEK: It does not matter. We have the message now. (Another DALEK roughly pushes a shocked SUSAN with its arm. She realises their true intentions.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CITY. CELL (Later, SUSAN has been returned to the cell. IAN is stood underneath the camera.) IAN: (Whispers.) All set, Doctor? (He then speaks louder and falsely, as if in a bad play.) IAN: The whole pattern of things is suspicious. Just because the Daleks didn't kill us is no reason to trust them. DOCTOR: (Also falsely.) Or suspect them, either. BARBARA: Well, maybe they just have a different way of doing things. IAN: The Thals have helped us. The Daleks put us in a cell. I know which of the two I prefer. DOCTOR: I tell you the Daleks are brilliant people! I think we ought to co-operate with them. IAN: Ever since you talked alone to the Daleks, you've been on their side. What have they done? Bribed you or something? (He grabs the DOCTOR and spins him round to face him.) IAN: (Shouts.) Look! I want to know why! Why are you on their side and against the rest of us? DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Take your hands off me! How dare you! (SUSAN runs forward. BARBARA also rushes in.) SUSAN: (Shouts.) Leave my Grandfather alone! IAN: (Shouts.) I want an answer! BARBARA: (Shouts.) Ian, stop arguing! SUSAN: (Shouts.) Leave him alone! IAN: (Shouts.) [SCENE_BREAK] to his face! (SUSAN jumps on IAN'S back and he staggers towards the wall with the camera.) DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Keep away from me! (BARBARA pulls the DOCTOR to one side.) BARBARA: (Shouts.) Susan, what are you doing!? (SUSAN grabs the device and pulls it out of its socket.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The picture disappears off the scanner.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CITY. CELL (IAN and SUSAN fall to the floor where the girl holds up the camera to him.) IAN: Did I hurt you? SUSAN: (Laughing.) No! DOCTOR: Don't waste time! (IAN grabs the camera and stares into it.) IAN: Fixed you for a while! [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DALEKS observe the dead scanner.) FIRST DALEK: Do you think it was broken accidentally in their struggle? SECOND DALEK: No. The cable is strong. They have broken it deliberately. THIRD DALEK: They can be moved immediately to another room; the eye repaired. FIRST DALEK: No. SECOND DALEK: Extermination, then? FIRST DALEK: There is no escape from the room that holds them. They may well be useful again. We shall deal with the Thals. [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. CITY. CELL DOCTOR: The point is, how do we get out of here? Wait until the Daleks open the door and force the issue? BARBARA: Well, we'd never get near them. SUSAN: We must try and trick them. We must all pretend to be dead - then when they come in to investigate, we must rush down the corridor... IAN: Yes, and then what? No, we must find a way of putting these machines out of action. BARBARA: Yes, remember what they did to your legs. IAN: Yes... (The DOCTOR suddenly taps the floor with his shoe.) DOCTOR: The floors are metal...all the floors are metal! BARBARA: Well, so are the streets of the city outside. DOCTOR: Why? BARBARA: I don't know... DOCTOR: No, I know you don't know. I mean, why do they use metal? Is it because that it lasts longer, or because... IAN: (Realises.) ...because it's essential to them! That's an idea! BARBARA: Well, how is that going to help us? IAN: Well, if metal is essential... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) No, no, no, no, no, now listen, let's concentrate on the Daleks. Have you noticed, for example, that when they move about there's a sort of acrid smell? SUSAN: Yes, yes, I've notice that! BARBARA: I know - A fairground! IAN: That's it! Dodgems! DOCTOR: It's electricity! I think they're powered that way. IAN: Yes, but just a minute - they have no pick-up or anything. And only the base of the machine touches the floor. How do they complete the circuit? SUSAN: Batteries? DOCTOR: No, no, no - I believe the Daleks have discovered a way to exploit static electricity. Very ingenious, if I'm right. BARBARA: What, drawing power from the floor? DOCTOR: Precisely! If I'm right, of course. Now, what do we know, apart from guessing how they're powered, hmm? SUSAN: Well, they can see all round them. BARBARA: Yes...their eye is flexible, like a large camera lens. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, yes. Now Chesterton... (He looks for the teacher who is kneeling behind him staring at the floor.) DOCTOR: Do you mind concentrating, young man? IAN: Hmm? Susan? SUSAN: Mmm? IAN: The cloak the Thals gave you? SUSAN: Yes, it's just behind you. (IAN grabs the cloak and starts examining it.) IAN: Ah. Barbara, come here. (SUSAN and BARBARA join him.) IAN: Now what do you think this is made of? BARBARA: Oh, I don't know. It isn't plastic, or...I don't think it's nylon either... IAN: Whatever it is, it'll do for what we want. (The DOCTOR joins them.) DOCTOR: And what will it do, young man, hmm? IAN: Insulate. If you are right, Doctor, about the Daleks taking up power from the floor, this is a perfect way of putting them out of action. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. FOREST (A Thal walks past DYONI carrying the metallic lizard-like creature that the travellers found soon after they landed.) DYONI: (Enthusiastically.) Oh look, Ganatus, they've found a Magnadon under some bushes! GANATUS: Dead, I hope? DYONI: Well, of course it's dead. (GANATUS smiles.) DYONI: (Angrily.) Oh, I never know when you're serious and when you're joking. GANATUS: We'll be able to recharge the hand-lights. I'll go and tell Antodus. DYONI: (Sneers.) Is he still afraid of the dark? (GANATUS scowls coldly at her.) DYONI: Oh , I'm sorry, I... GANATUS: (Snaps.) My brother isn't afraid of anything! (He storms off. Nearby ALYDON is deep in thought. He moves over to where TEMMOSUS is sat down.) ALYDON: Temmosus, suppose the Daleks refuse to help us? What then? TEMMOSUS: I believe the Daleks hold the key to our future. Whatever that future may be, we must accept it, gracefully and without regret. ALYDON: I wish I could be as objective as you. We've lived for so long a time... TEMMOSUS: Perhaps we have lived too long. (He sees ALYDON'S shocked look.) TEMMOSUS: I've never struggled against the inevitable - it's a vain occupation.- But I should always advise you to examine very closely what you think to be inevitable. It's surprising how often apparent defeats can be turned to victory. (GANATUS runs up to them, followed by DYONI and the other Thals. He's holding SUSAN'S message.) GANATUS: This was found at the city gates. (TEMMOSUS takes it and reads it over.) ALYDON: Well, what does it say? TEMMOSUS: (Excited.) They're going to help us! (The Thals react with delight.) TEMMOSUS: It's signed by the girl, Susan. She says the Dalek people have no malice towards us, and they hope that they can work with us to build a new and safe world, free from the fear of war. They have the ability to produce food by means of synthetic sunlight and they have left a quantity of it for us in the entrance hall of their main building. We are to collect it tomorrow! (The Thals exchange delighted comments.) TEMMOSUS: (Quietly.) So, there is a future for us... [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. CITY CELL (SUSAN is listening against the cell door.) SUSAN: Shh! He's coming! (SUSAN runs to one side of the door. IAN is on the other side. The DOCTOR stands in the middle of the cell with BARBARA lying on the floor near his feet.) DOCTOR: Ready? IAN: Yes. DOCTOR Now, all of you, watch very carefully. See that you notice every detail on that machine. Right? (The door opens and a DALEK, carrying another tray stops on the threshold. Its suspicions are aroused and it's eyestalk moves from side to side observing IAN and SUSAN.) DALEK: Move back from the door. (IAN and SUSAN do as they are told.) DALEK: (To SUSAN.) Take the food. (She does so. The DALEK moves backwards and the door slides shut. The group move towards the DOCTOR to relay their observations but he holds up a finger to quieten them for a pause to ensure they are not overheard - then points at IAN.) DOCTOR: Well? (IAN holds up the destroyed camera.) IAN: I'll be able to jam the door with a piece of this. (The DOCTOR points at SUSAN.) SUSAN: They seemed to be able to cover all of us. BARBARA: It's impossible to hide from it. IAN: Yes, perhaps we can throw a coat over the lens... BARBARA: Surely it would see you. IAN: (Frustrated.) Yes... (Thinks.) Doctor, perhaps we can stage something. You know, a distraction. And when the lens looks the other way, throw something over it. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, yes... (BARBARA turns to SUSAN as she sits eating on the floor.) BARBARA: No, wait a minute. Susan, throw me your shoes. (The girl is puzzled but nevertheless takes them off and does as she is asked.) IAN: What are you up to? (BARBARA starts picking ash from the forest off SUSAN'S shoes and putting it into the water bowl.) BARBARA: I'm making mud... [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. CITY. CELL (LATER) (The DOCTOR checks his pocket watch.) DOCTOR: If he's on time, we have three minutes. (IAN holds up a piece from the camera.) IAN: I'm ready. (IAN goes and lies down next to the door. The DOCTOR walks over to BARBARA who is moulding a lump of ashen mud in her hands.) DOCTOR: How's the mud? BARBARA: Oh, it's very sticky and very nasty. (The DOCTOR smiles and hugs her.) DOCTOR: Very good. A Very good idea! (SUSAN has the cloak in her hands.) SUSAN: Shall I spread the cloak over? DOCTOR: Yes, yes. Not too near the door - we don't want to make him suspicious. (She points at a spot in the middle of the room.) SUSAN: Just down there? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, quickly! (She lays out ALYDON'S cloak.) DOCTOR: Hurry child! (IAN is listening at the door.) IAN: He's coming! (SUSAN rushes to lay the cloak out and lie down herself on it. She looks nervous, as do all her companions as they wait a tense moment for the opportunity to put their plan into action.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR (The DALEK approaches the cell.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. CITY. CELL (The door slides open and IAN wedges his piece of the camera under the hinge and then quickly scrambles out of immediate range. A DALEK, again carrying a tray, glides into the doorway. It looks down at SUSAN.) DALEK: Take this. (SUSAN gets up from the floor and takes the tray. BARBARA, mud in hand and slowly so as not to arouse suspicion, walks nearer the door. The DALEK glides backwards. The door starts to slide shut, but stops on the camera piece. It rises and falls on the piece as it re-attempts to close. The DALEK glides back into the doorway and looks down to investigate.) DOCTOR: Now! (BARBARA runs forward and, with one push, wedges the lump of mud onto the eye-piece. The DALEK instinctively pushes her to the floor. An alarm sounds from within the casing. IAN and the DOCTOR runs forward, grabbing the creature by its arms and desperately trying to manouevre the DALEK onto the cloak whilst preventing it aiming it's gun at one of them. All the time, the DALEK keeps up a chant of alarm.) DALEK: Keep away! Keep away from me. Keep away from me! (It pushes the DOCTOR against the wall.) DALEK: Keep away! Keep away! (The DALEK manages to push IAN to the floor.) IAN: Get the gun! The gun! (He runs round the casing to catch the gun but the DALEK pushes its suction cup arm under his chin and against the wall.) DALEK: Keep away from me! Keep away from me! Keep away from me! Keep away from me! Keep away from me! (As SUSAN and BARBARA hold the cloak down and shout out, IAN is in danger of being choked but he braces himself against the wall and pushes the DALEK with his legs - onto the cloak. At an instant, the alarm cuts out, the creature goes silent and its arms and eye-stalk sag down towards the floor.) SUSAN: Yes, we've got it! DOCTOR: Well done, Susan! BARBARA: Ian? (She moves to help him up.) DOCTOR: (To SUSAN.) Are you all right, Susan? SUSAN: Yes Grandfather. DOCTOR: Splendid, splendid. (IAN regains his feet.) IAN: I think I'm all right. (He goes towards the silent DALEK.) IAN: Swing it round, keep out of the way, Susan... SUSAN: Yes... (They spin the DALEK round.) IAN: Now, I think it's worked. (To the DOCTOR.) Take your hand off the gun. (He does. The DALEK remains inactive.) IAN: It has! It's worked! (He starts to examine the base of the DALEK'S dome-like head.) IAN: There must be a catch here somewhere...I've found one! (He pushes the dome back. A strange gurgling noise emanates from the casing. IAN catches a glimpse of the contents and slams the lid back shut.) IAN: (Quietly.) Susan, Barbara, go in the corridor and keep a look out. BARBARA: Yes. (The girls walk out with a glance at IAN'S sickened expression.) IAN: (To the DOCTOR.) You'll have to help me. (He re-opens the lid and stands back. He and the DOCTOR take a long look at the contents and then at each other.) IAN: Let's roll it off the cloak. (Grunting, they push the machine from the cloak. It remains inert.) IAN: All right? DOCTOR: Yes. IAN: Give me the cloak. (The DOCTOR picks the cloak up and hands it to IAN. He pushes it inside the casing to grabs its contents within the folds.) IAN: That's it. All right? DOCTOR: Right. IAN: Now... DOCTOR: There it is, right. IAN: Lift! DOCTOR: Yes. (Together, they haul the creature, hidden within the cloak, out of the casing. The DOCTOR carries the cloak and its contents over to a corner of the cell and drops it there.) IAN: Now, see if I can get inside it (He shouts to SUSAN and BARBARA outside the cell.) IAN: All clear in the corridor? [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR SUSAN & BARBARA: Yes SUSAN: (To BARBARA.) I think there's a sentry down the other end of the corridor. BARBARA: Well, they made such a terrible noise... (She calls back through the doorway.) BARBARA: Ian...hurry! [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. CITY. CELL (Back in the cell, IAN is inside the DALEK casing, the dome-lid still open.) IAN: Not much room for my legs, but try the top. DOCTOR: Barbara, Susan, give me a hand! (The two girls run back into the cell and the three push the dome back into place.) DOCTOR: Let it down gently. (He calls to IAN inside the casing.) DOCTOR: How is it? (IAN'S voice from within the casing has the same electronic grating tone as a DALEK but is more human in its intonation.) IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) It's very cramped indeed. DOCTOR: Well, can't you sound more like a Dalek? BARBARA: Yes, in a monotone. You've heard them. IAN: (OOV: Within casing - imitating a DALEK voice.) Do...you...mean...like...this? DOCTOR: That's it! That's it! SUSAN: Ha! Marvellous! Can you see all right? IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) No. There's some sort of screen...oh, it's the mud! Wipe the mud off the lens. SUSAN: Oh yes! All right! (SUSAN wipes the eye-piece with her handkerchief.) SUSAN: Eurgh, it's all clogged up... IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Ah... SUSAN: Is that better? IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Yes, yes, I can see now. SUSAN: Good. IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) But I can't make this thing move...it...it's full of controls... DOCTOR: Oh, don't worry, we'll push you. (The three of them turn the casing round to face the door.) IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Well, it moves well enough. SUSAN: Yes. BARBARA: But, surely they'll know that we're pushing you? DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, they won't be...suspicious at all. (They push the DALEK through the doorway into the corridor.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) All right now, Susan, Barbara, you get in front and pretend I'm taking you for questioning. SUSAN: All right. BARBARA: Yes. (The two girls get in front of the DALEK with the DOCTOR behind to push it. They look nervously down the corridor.) IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) And Susan? SUSAN: Yes? IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) You lead us. You know the way. SUSAN: All right. DOCTOR: Yes. SUSAN: It's this way then... (They set off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. CITY. CELL (Behind them in the cell, the cloak starts to move. A three fingered glistening claw emerges from beneath the folds...)
Plan: A: The TARDIS; Q: What has brought the travellers to the planet Skaro? A: two indigenous races; Q: Who do the Doctor and his companions meet on the planet Skaro? A: the Daleks; Q: Who are the Thals fighting with? A: armoured travel machines; Q: What are the Daleks encased in? A: the Thals; Q: Who do the Doctor and his companions convince to fight for their own survival? A: pacifist principles; Q: What do the Thals have? A: their own survival; Q: What do the Thals need to fight for? A: a two-pronged attack; Q: What type of attack did the Thals launch on the Daleks? A: the Dalek city; Q: What do the Thals attack? A: The Daleks; Q: Who are killed when their power supply is cut off? Summary: The TARDIS has brought the travellers to the planet Skaro where they meet two indigenous races - the Daleks, malicious mutant creatures encased in armoured travel machines, and the Thals, beautiful humanoids with pacifist principles. They convince the Thals of the need to fight for their own survival. Joining forces with them and braving Skaro's many dangers, they launch a two-pronged attack on the Dalek city. The Daleks are all killed when, during the course of the fighting, their power supply is cut off.
2.07 - Like Mother, Like Daughter OPEN AT LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai and Rory walk in and sit at a table.] LORELAI: Wow, busy today. Has Luke been advertising or something? RORY: He gets good word-of-mouth. LORELAI: Well, we have to start spreading bad word-of-mouth so we can always have a table. RORY: Well, that would be wrong, but sure. Vermin? LORELAI: Or no potable water. RORY: Or no potable vermin. LORELAI: That would scare them away. RORY: Or confuse them away. [Lorelai sees Luke talking with one of the customers.] LORELAI: It's so weird to see him talking like that. RORY: Like what? LORELAI: Just all friendly. He's usually only good for a quick couple of gruff monosyllables, and then he's off. RORY: He is the master of the monosyllable. LORELAI: He never flirts with any of the women, do you notice that? RORY: He's flirted with you numerous times. LORELAI: Don't start. RORY: Hey, flirt with him now, we need coffee. LORELAI: Oh Luke, we're just dying for some refreshments. LUKE: Keep your pants on. LORELAI: Hmm. He can turn it off and turn it on so fast. RORY: Hey, I found a CD under the front seat of our car. Did you lose one? LORELAI: Not that I know of, but I'm kind of sloppy with them. RORY: So, you didn't hide it? LORELAI: Why would I hide a CD? RORY: I don't know. Bay City Rollers? LORELAI: It's not a Bay City Rollers CD. RORY: How do you know? LORELAI: Because I know what's not hidden under that seat. RORY: Ha! Because you know that Barry Manilow is under that seat. LORELAI: Ugh. LUKE: Where's Barry Manilow? RORY: Under Mom's seat. LORELAI: All right, I confess, I was hiding Barry Manilow. RORY: You confess! LORELAI: But he was very big when I was very small and it's the live version where he does a medley of all the commercial jingles he's written. RORY: Don't worry. Everyone's allowed a guilty pleasure now and again. LORELAI: Hm, very diplomatic from the girl who had the Bryan Adams poster above her bed for two years. RORY: Fink. LORELAI: Do you have a guilty pleasure Luke? LUKE: Nah. LORELAI: Are you into music? LUKE: Sure. LORELAI: Monosyllabic man strikes again. RORY: We'll have two muffins please. LUKE: You got it. [walks away] LORELAI: Do you think he's dated anyone since Rachel? RORY: I don't know. Where would he meet anyone? He's either here or in his apartment. LORELAI: Maybe he has a secret life. Maybe he's got a little chippy stowed away in Mount Pilot. RORY: Well, we'll know eventually. LORELAI: I say he's a bachelor for life. RORY: I say there's someone for everyone. [starts laughing] LORELAI: What? RORY: Uhh, Barry Manilow. LORELAI: Ugh, stop. RORY: [sings] Looks like we made it LORELAI: Oh yeah? Spice Girls. RORY: Duran Duran. LORELAI: Dido. RORY: Olivia Newton John. LORELAI: The Macarena. You and Lane for hours and hours, for weeks on end. RORY: Hey, we were mocking. You can't mock the mocking. LORELAI: All right. It's getting ugly. Let's stop. RORY: Let's be friends again. LORELAI: All right. RORY: [giggles] LORELAI: Stop it. [opening credits] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory is in the kitchen, Lorelai walks in.] LORELAI: Agh. RORY: What? LORELAI: The car won't start. RORY: What happened? LORELAI: I don't know. It's just dead. I turned the key and it makes a horrible sound. RORY: What kind of sound? LORELAI: Like rrrar, rrrar, rrrar. You know, but less feminine. RORY: That's the battery. LORELAI: Well, what did I ever do to make the battery mad? RORY: Let's see. You've kept the radio on all night, killing the battery. You've kept the lights on all night, killing the battery. You've kept the door open, which keeps the ceiling light on, all night, killing the battery. LORELAI: Okay, well then I've done multiple things to make the battery mad. RORY: You gonna walk? LORELAI: I'm wearing heels. RORY: Change your shoes. LORELAI: I'd have to change my outfit. RORY: Change your outfit. LORELAI: I'd have to walk upstairs. RORY: Suddenly I'm living with Zsa Zsa Gabor. LORELAI: I'm gonna call Michel. RORY: This thing is too small. MICHEL: Independence Inn. LORELAI: Hold on Michel. That backpack is not too small. RORY: It's miniscule. LORELAI: Just take your schoolbooks and leave some of the other books. RORY: I need all of my other books. LORELAI: You don't need all of these. RORY: I think I do. LORELAI: Edna St. Vincent Milay? RORY: That's my bus book. LORELAI: Uh huh. What's the Faulkner? RORY: My other bus book. LORELAI: So just take one bus book. RORY: No, the Milay is a biography, and sometimes if I'm on the bus and I pull out a biography and I think to myself, 'Well, I don't really feel like reading about a person's life right now' then I'll switch to the novel, and then sometimes if I'm not into the novel, I'll switch back. LORELAI: Hmm. Still there Michel? RORY: Yes, I. . . LORELAI: Hold on. What is the Gore Vidal? RORY: Oh, that's my lunch book. LORELAI: Uh huh. So lose the Vidal or the Faulkner. You don't need two novels. RORY: Vidal's essays. LORELAI: Uh huh. But the Eudora Welty's not essays or a biography. RORY: Right. LORELAI: So it's another novel, lose it! RORY: Unh uh. It's short stories. LORELAI: Ugh. This is a sickness. Michel. RORY: I am growing very old. LORELAI: Come pick me up? MICHEL: I am already here. LORELAI: Put Carol on the desk and come pick me up. MICHEL: I am not speaking to Carol. She ate my low-fat cheese. LORELAI: Michel, come pick me up and I will buy you some cheese. MICHEL: Low-fat cheese. LORELAI: Low-fat cheese. MICHEL: Low-fat American cheese. LORELAI: Low-fat American cheese. MICHEL: And a meringue cookie. LORELAI: Just get over here. MICHEL: Fine. RORY: Ha! I made it all fit. Edna, Bill, Gore and Eudora, all safe and sound. LORELAI: Cool. That's your French book. RORY: Hmm? Oh, I know. I'm carrying my French book. LORELAI: Mm hmm. You so thought that French book was already in there. RORY: I did not. LORELAI: You have a problem. RORY: No I don't. LORELAI: You're gonna tip over from the weight of that backpack. RORY: No I'm not. LORELAI: I'm gonna have to buy you a forklift. Bye. CUT TO CHILTON CAFETERIA [Rory walks in carrying her lunch tray. She sits down at a table, puts on her walkman, and starts reading a book. A woman suddenly taps her on the shoulder.] MRS. VERDINAS: I startled you. I didn't mean to. RORY: That's okay. I'm easily startled. MRS. VERDINAS: I'm Mrs. Verdinas, the guidance counselor. Your name's Rory, isn't it? Rory Gilmore? RORY: Yes. Hello. MRS. VERDINAS: Hello. I'd love to sit and talk to you. Can we do that? RORY: Sure. Anytime. MRS. VERDINAS: How about after you finish your lunch? RORY: Oh, that soon? MRS. VERDINAS: I think soon would be good. RORY: Okay, what's this about? MRS. VERDINAS: We'll talk about it then. RORY: Not even a hint? MRS. VERDINAS: See you in a little bit. RORY: Right. Right. CUT TO MRS. VERDINAS' OFFICE [Mrs. Verdinas is sitting at her desk; Rory knocks at the door.] MRS. VERDINAS: Come in. Hello Rory, have a seat. RORY: Thank you. MRS. VERDINAS: So don't worry about being late for your next class. I'll write you a note if you are. RORY: Okay. MRS. VERDINAS: I know from your record you're a stickler for punctuality. RORY: I am a stickler, yes. I only slipped one time last year. I hit a deer. Actually, he hit me. Or she did. Or not me, my car. But, um, then he or she ran away, and I think it turned out okay. I didn't see it again, so I can't definitively say but I did look for him or her. It's a big story for me, I'm surprised I don't tell it better. MRS. VERDINAS: Why don't we get to the reason I asked you here? RORY: Okay. MRS. VERDINAS: Headmaster Charleston brought you to my attention a few weeks ago. He's worried, and after observing you a bit, I'm worried too. RORY: You've been observing me? MRS. VERDINAS: We've been concerned about your social behavior here at school. RORY: What about it? MRS. VERDINAS: You don't seem to interact much with the other students. RORY: I do sometimes. In class, all the time. MRS. VERDINAS: But rarely outside of class. At lunch, you're always by yourself. RORY: That's when I catch up on my reading. MRS. VERDINAS: And that walkman, it makes you very unapproachable. RORY: You approached me. MRS. VERDINAS: And you almost jumped out of your skin. What does that tell you? RORY: That I'm jumpy. On the Fourth of July, forget it, I'm a wreck. And when the Stars Hollow orchestra begins to play in the gazebo, the guy banging the cymbals, I'm. . .it drives me nuts. MRS. VERDINAS: Denying a problem doesn't solve a problem, Rory. Unless something changes, this could affect your future. RORY: But I don't understand. I get good grades, isn't that enough? MRS. VERDINAS: You know, it's not. Rory, when we make recommendations to universities on behalf of a student, that student's social skills are a big part of it. Now, I assume you want to go to a university? RORY: Absolutely. MRS. VERDINAS: Well, universities do not look kindly on loners. RORY: But I'm not a loner. MRS. VERDINAS: Really? Well, what do you think a loner is? RORY: Loners are those guys that you see walking around wearing, I don't know, out of date clothing, bell bottoms, and they tend to carry a duffel bag with God knows what inside. That's a loner. MRS. VERDINAS: Loners come in all different shapes and sizes, even pretty girls. Just try to improve Rory. Mix it up with others. You may even enjoy it. Start with lunch. RORY: I don't suppose there's a lunchtime reading/walkman-listening club I can join, is there? I guess that's no. CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT YARD [Lorelai and Rory sit on the porch as Kirk fixes Lorelai's Jeep.] LORELAI: So what does she expect you to do? RORY: She said mix it up. LORELAI: Mix it up, what does that mean? RORY: I guess that means going up to strange kids at school and saying, 'Hey, mind if I awkwardly butt in where I don't belong and don't want to be?' LORELAI: The whole thing's ridiculous. Chilton is a cult. KIRK: Lorelai, do you know what this is? [holds up a bundle of wires] LORELAI: Um, no. KIRK: Damn. RORY: I don't know. Maybe there is something wrong with me. LORELAI: Oh, don't say that. RORY: Maybe I am a loner. I mean, you were mocking my backpack today. I might just be one step away from carrying a mysterious duffel bag. LORELAI: Oh no, no you don't. Don't you go doubting who you are or how you should be. How dare that woman do this to you! RORY: It wasn't just her. The whole meeting was Charleston's suggestion. LORELAI: Well, good. It's time I called on old Schnickelfritz Charleston to tell him to stop messing with my kid's mind. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: No, I'm sorry. I don't like this. Schools like Chilton try to stamp out every vestige of individuality and I'm not gonna let that happen. KIRK: It's all fixed. I found a loose terminal. I reconnected the battery and jumped it, so it's set to go. LORELAI: Oh, thanks Kirk. KIRK: And I'm not gonna charge you for the time I spent stuck underneath the car. LORELAI: That's great Kirk. KIRK: And I just want you to know that I overheard, and you're absolutely right. I carried a duffel bag and ate lunch by myself my entire school career, and I turned out just fine. [leaves] LORELAI: I'm still going down there. CUT TO CHILTON [The secretary walks Lorelai into the Headmaster's office.] SECRETARY: Ms. Gilmore is here. [leaves] LORELAI: Hello Mr. Charleston. HEADMASTER: Ms. Gilmore, so good to see you. LORELAI: It's good to be here. HEADMASTER: You know, I checked my records to remind myself why I asked you in only to discover that you had actually called for this meeting. LORELAI: Yes I did. HEADMASTER: I'm surprised. We don't see you often. We'd forgotten what you'd looked like. LORELAI: Well, I'm pretty much the same. Rosy cheeks, strong of bone, sly of wit. HEADMASTER: How nice. So why did you want to see me? LORELAI: Well, I wanted to talk to you about Rory and uh, this ridiculous accusation about her being a loner and how that's somehow something bad. HEADMASTER: Well, it is bad. LORELAI: No, it's not bad, it's just her. I raised Rory to do what she wants as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. And I don't see how her reading a book or listening to a walkman is hurting anyone. HEADMASTER: It's hurting her. LORELAI: I respectfully disagree. HEADMASTER: That doesn't surprise me, based on my research. LORELAI: What research? HEADMASTER: When I saw your name on the appointment list, I decided to have a look at the file. LORELAI: Ah yes, Rory's file's been of a lot of interest to you guys lately, hasn't it? HEADMASTER: I wasn't talking about Rory's file. I was talking about yours. LORELAI: I have a file? HEADMASTER: You most certainly do. LORELAI: It's tiny. HEADMASTER: It's very thin. LORELAI: Well that's good, right? It means I haven't gotten into a lot of trouble. HEADMASTER: On the contrary, a thin file for a parent indicates lack of participation. LORELAI: Oh, now wait a minute. I've participated in stuff. HEADMASTER: You attended the bake sale. LORELAI: And I sold stuff. HEADMASTER: Then promptly left. LORELAI: I was busy. HEADMASTER: Without fraternizing with the other Chilton parents at all. LORELAI: Busy, busy, busy like a really tall bee. HEADMASTER: Like mother, like daughter. LORELAI: Okay, hold on. HEADMASTER: Ms. Gilmore, active participation in Chilton activities for a parent is vitally important. LORELAI: But HEADMASTER: This is a list of organizations sponsored by Chilton. Parent groups dedicated to certain specific tasks. LORELAI: Uh, my HEADMASTER: Any one of them would be honored by your participation. LORELAI: Okay, my schedule is HEADMASTER: We're all tremendously busy, Ms. Gilmore. I hope you're not too busy to do what's best for you or what's best for Rory, are you? LORELAI: No. HEADMASTER: Excellent. Let us know what it will be. LORELAI: I will. [stands up to leave] Oh, may I go? HEADMASTER: Yes, you may. LORELAI: Okay. HEADMASTER: I'm glad you came in today. It was a good idea. LORELAI: Yes. I'm just full of good ideas. CUT TO LORELAI'S KITCHEN [Lorelai sits at the table going through papers as Rory comes home.] RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Yeah, look Fat Albert. Get me a soda, will you? RORY: Mom, what are you doing here? You were supposed to meet me in my Latin class after meeting with Headmaster Charleston. LORELAI: Oh my God. I was. I totally forgot. Ugh, I'm so sorry. RORY: Mom, come on, what happened. Did you talk to him? LORELAI: I did. I told him that he was completely out of line with this treatment of you, that you are not a loner freak, you have plenty of friends, and you don't own a long black leather Matrix coat, and they should fall down on their kneesocks everyday that you deign to show up at that loser school. RORY: And? LORELAI: And then he yelled at me. RORY: He what? LORELAI: He pulled out a file and told me I was a bad Chilton mom. RORY: He did not. LORELAI: And that I don't participate in school activities. RORY: Well, you work. LORELAI: And I don't make posters. RORY: You have no artistic capabilities. LORELAI: And I don't chaperone school dances. RORY: Does he know that you got pregnant at sixteen? LORELAI: Basically I'm not doing my part to help further your educational future. RORY: So we both got busted. LORELAI: Yes. RORY: Great. LORELAI: Now I have to pick a group or a cause or sponsor a club or something. RORY: This sucks. LORELAI: But hey, I've been thinking. I mean, the whole reason we did this Chilton thing is for you to get into Harvard, right? RORY: Right. LORELAI: And these fanatics that run your school, they're the ones that write the letters to the fancy colleges saying things like, 'Hey she's keen, look at her' or 'Have you seen the L tattooed on her forehead, 'cause it sure is a big one.' RORY: So you're saying we should just go along with this? LORELAI: Yeah, go along with it. Talk to some kids, I'll hang out with their moms, and we'll get into Harvard, take over the world, then buy Chilton and turn it into a rave club. What do you say, deal? RORY: Deal. LORELAI: Oh, look, the Chilton Cheer Society wear matching hats. Eh? Go Harvard. CUT TO CHILTON CAFETERIA [Rory walks in with her tray and is about to sit down at a table by herself, but then walks over to another table.] RORY: Hey. FRANCIE: Hey. RORY: There's a bad draft over there where I usually sit. It's kind of like a big downward gust. It's not exactly 'Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore', but it's still pretty darn uncomfortable, especially when you're just gotten your hair to behave. So can I sit here? FRANCIE: Uhh, yeah. RORY: Thanks. [sits down] Nice table. It's much more level than the one over there. FRANCIE: Your name is Lori. RORY: Rory. FRANCIE: Right, Rory. RORY: What's yours? IVY: Francie. RORY: You're Francie? IVY: No, she's Francie, I'm Ivy. RORY: Francie's spokesman. FRANCIE: Well, I am a very important person, and everyone knows very important people never speak for themselves. RORY: I did not know that, but I do now. FRANCIE: That's Dijur, Lily, Seline, Lana, Asia, Anna, and Lem. RORY: Lem. LEM: Short for Lemon. RORY: Oh sure. FRANCIE: We were just discussing homecoming. Thoughts? RORY: Great movie. Oh wait, that was Coming Home. Sorry. FRANCIE: I truly believe the whole homecoming dance ritual's be put to sleep. IVY: Or at least assigned a new color scheme. [Paris walks by with her lunch tray, walks back to stare at Rory for a moment, then walks away.] FRANCIE: Hmm. Rory, huh? Do they call you Ror? RORY: Not unless provoked. IVY: No nickname? RORY: Actually, Rory is a nickname. My full name is Lorelai. LEM: Lorelai. That's a weird name. RORY: Well, Lem, what can I say? FRANCIE: Sounds southern. Are you a belle? [bell rings] RORY: Uh, no, but apparently I command them. FRANCIE: Well, see you later your highness. CUT TO HALLWAY [Rory walks out of the cafeteria and runs into Paris.] RORY: God! You're like a pop up book from hell. PARIS: You were sitting with the Puffs. How did you do it? RORY: The who? PARIS: The Puffs, the Chilton Puffs. You were at their table and I wanna know how. RORY: I don't know, I just sat down. PARIS: Nobody just sits down with them, you have to be invited. RORY: Paris, it's not the cosa nostra. PARIS: No, they're the Puffs, the most influential sorority at Chilton. RORY: Chilton has sororities? PARIS: Only ten worth mentioning, and the Puffs, they have been number one for at least the last fifty years. My mother was a Puff, my aunt was a Puff. RORY: I thought only colleges had sororities. PARIS: And the connection you make with the Puffs, they last the rest of your life. My cousin Maddie got her internship at the Supreme Court because of Sandra Day O'Connor. RORY: Sandra Day O'Connor was a Puff? PARIS: Yes. She was puffed in 1946, became the president in '47, and in '48 she actually moved the group to the very table you sat at today. RORY: God. PARIS: It was quite a controversial move at the time, but she was just that powerful. RORY: I had no idea. PARIS: What did you say about me? RORY: What? PARIS: Did you tell them you hated me? RORY: I didn't mention you. PARIS: Because I have been killing myself trying to get invited in. I spent all of last year sucking up to Francine Jarvis. RORY: You mean Francie? PARIS: You call her Francie? RORY: Oh, no, someone else did. PARIS: I have helped her with her homework, secured her a prime spot in the parking lot, organized her locker, scrunched up the plastic strands on her pom-poms to make them fluffy. I have done everything except give her a manicure, and by God, if I had any talent with an orange stick, I would've done that too. RORY: I know I'm not the first one to say it to you, but you're insane. PARIS: Okay, look, I know you and me, we. . . RORY: Shouldn't be around each other armed. PARIS: Yes. But you have to understand. I have to get into that group, I just have to. My family's name and reputation, not to mention my entire future, all depend on me getting into that group. RORY: It's just a clique, that's all. PARIS: Look, all I'm asking is please don't say anything horrible about me. Don't tell them that you hate me. RORY: Paris, come on, I'm not in their group. They don't care what I say. PARIS: They let you sit at their table all the way through lunch, you're in. RORY: Paris. PARIS: You know what, never mind. Do what you want, I don't care. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai and Rory get out of the car and walk to the front door.] LORELAI: Who the hell names their kid Lemon? RORY: Someone really into citrus. LORELAI: Ugh, crazy crazy people. RORY: It's just so weird that the one table I sit down at is home to the secret society. LORELAI: I know. It's like waking up one day and realizing that everyone else in your family can pull their face off. RORY: Yes, it's exactly like that. [The maid opens the door] MAID: Your mother would like you to head out to the patio. We're barbecuing tonight. LORELAI: Thanks. [they walk inside and head towards the patio] RORY: Does Grandma have a barbecue? LORELAI: I don't know. Maybe she keeps it in the secret room with the paper napkins and the mismatched sheets. Wow, she really is barbecuing. [they walk out onto the patio, where a chef is cooking on the grill] RORY: Hey, cool! LORELAI: What's up, Poppin' Fresh? RORY: Ooh, corn! LORELAI: Nice! [They each take a corn on the cob from the pile] LORELAI: Thank you. [they start eating the corn] RORY: Mm. LORELAI: Mmm. [Emily walks out onto the patio] EMILY: What is this, a refugee camp? Come inside and eat at the table. LORELAI: Mom, the whole point of barbecuing is to eat outside. EMILY: Animals eat outside. Human beings eat inside with napkins and utensils. If you want to eat outside, go hunt down a gazelle. Make your decision, I'll be inside. [leaves] LORELAI: What are the odds of finding a gazelle around here? RORY: Slim to none. LORELAI: Okay, let's go. CUT TO DINING ROOM [Emily is sitting at the table as Lorelai and Rory walk in] EMILY: I'm extremely disappointed in you Lorelai. LORELAI: Hold on Mom. [takes off her coat, sits down at the table, puts her napkin on her lap.] Okay, go ahead. EMILY: I had lunch with Bitty Charleston today and she told me what happened with you and the headmaster. LORELAI: What? Geez, does that woman do nothing all day but hide under his desk with a tape recorder? EMILY: After all we've gone through to get Rory in that school, and then you humiliate all of us by not being involved. That is just incomprehensible. LORELAI: Hey, she wasn't involved either. RORY: Wow, just sitting here. EMILY: You are a grown up, you have to set an example. If she's not involved with school, then she learned it from you. RORY: Yeah. EMILY: How hard is it to help out just once in awhile? Join a group, attend a meeting, and all for the sake of LORELAI: Mom, stop already, please. I have joined a group, okay? EMILY: You have? RORY: You have? LORELAI: Yes. EMILY: Which one? LORELAI: I'm gonna join the Booster Club, mmkay? The Booster Club, I'm going to boost. EMILY: Well, the Boosters are a very fine organization. LORELAI: That's why I picked 'em. EMILY: They do very good work for the school. LORELAI: All went into the picking process. EMILY: And the matching sweatshirts they wear are just darling. CUT TO CHILTON [At the Booster Club Meeting, five women are sitting at a table in the cafeteria.] AVA: Well, we're certainly not doing it like last year. GINGER: God, was that awful! MENA: It wasn't that bad. AVA: Wasn't that bad? Mena, by the time we got finished paying for everybody's stomach to be pumped, there was no money left to buy the new bleachers. MENA: But the salsa band was wonderful. GINGER: This is giving me a migraine. I just AUBREY: I vote we take a break. [Lorelai walks into the room.] LORELAI: Hi. Sorry to interrupt. AVA: It's all right. Can we help you? LORELAI: Uh, yes, actually. . . this isn't the Booster Club, is it? AVA: Yes it is. LORELAI: Oh, thank God you're not wearing the sweatshirts. AVA: Excuse me? LORELAI: Uh, you know what, never mind. I'm Lorelai Gilmore, sorry I'm late. AVA: Oh please, you haven't missed a thing. So far, we've had coffee, debated Carolyn Masters' nose job MENA: Too pug. AUBREY: Too smushed. GINGER: Who cares? AVA: And we started arguing about our fall fundraiser. AUBREY: I suggested we take a break. AVA: I ignored the suggestion, and now here we are. You're all up to date. Have a seat. MENA: Lorelai Gilmore. So you're Emily's daughter? LORELAI: Oh, yeah. You know my mother? MENA: Oh, very well. We're on the philharmonic committee together. She told me to keep an eye out for you. LORELAI: Huh, that's nice. MENA: She wasn't sure you'd show up. LORELAI: So, uh, fall fundrasier, what do we do? AVA: Well, last year we had the usual luncheon with silent auction and a salsa band. MENA: A terrific salsa band. AVA: But every guest ended up in the hospital with food poisoning before the auction even started, and we wound up losing money. LORELAI: Whoops. AVA: Yes, it's quite a whoops, isn't it? Anyhow, this year we decided to do a fashion show. LORELAI: Oh, that sounds fun. AVA: Yes, well, Aubrey here works at Saks. AUBREY: Uh, used to work at Saks. AVA: Oh, sorry. Used to work at Saks, and she got several designers to donate their clothes, so now we're just trying to find a suitable caterer and location and someone to plan the event. GINGER: Oh, it's all going very well. MENA: I still say we approach Chateau Mimsy. AVA: That space is too small, Mena. AUBREY: How about something more young and fun? You know, my stepdaughter Kimberly... AVA: Sarah. AUBREY: Right, Sarah. Sarah. Anyhow, she told me about this new club called The Digs [fades into background] MENA: [whispers to Lorelai] She's been married a month and still can't remember the names of her stepchildren. AUBREY: so the booths are like in these pits, and then there's sand everywhere GINGER: Stop her. AVA: I don't think that's exactly what we're looking for. LORELAI: Um, I run an inn. AVA: You do? MENA: Which one? LORELAI: The Independence Inn, it's in Stars Hollow. AVA: Oh, I've been there. It's lovely. LORELAI: And we have a terrific chef who's never once hospitalized an entire function. And, well, I mean, I don't know exactly what you're looking for, but we do functions there all the time. AVA: Who's your function coordinator? LORELAI: I am, actually. And since it's for charity, I could get you a really good price. AVA: I'm sorry, I forgot to ask you, are you from heaven? LORELAI: You like the idea? AVA: I love the idea. I love it so much, we can finally take that break Aubrey's been dying for. [Everyone stands up and walks away. Ava walks over to Lorelai.] AVA: Well, this is very exciting. LORELAI: Oh. AVA: Would you mind if I come out there tomorrow to take a look at the place? You know, make sure it's big enough for the runway. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, sure, I'll be there all day. So, a fashion show, huh? Are we gonna get any famous models? AVA: Excuse me? LORELAI: You know, to model the clothes. Any chance I'm finally gonna get to see Kate Moss eat something? AVA: Oh, no no. We're the models. LORELAI: We? Who's we? AVA: We, the women in this room. Me, you, we. LORELAI: Me? AVA: Yes. LORELAI: Oh well AVA: By the way, welcome to the Boosters. We're thrilled to have you. [hugs Lorelai] LORELAI: Oh, ugh, thanks. That's great. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai and Rory are walking down the sidewalk] RORY: Ha ha, yours is worse than mine. LORELAI: Ugh, they totally just snuck that modeling thing in. RORY: Hmm, my mom's a model. Maybe you'll get to date Leonardo DiCaprio now. LORELAI: Plus, now I have to plan the whole stupid thing. RORY: Lorelai Gilmore. Nope, doesn't sound model-y enough. You need something that stands out more. How about Waffle? We could call you Waffle and say you're from Belgium? LORELAI: [dials her cell phone] Okay, I'm crabby. I need to do something about it. [on phone] Hey Mom. EMILY: Well, hello. LORELAI: So I went to my first Booster meeting last night, did Bitty tell you? EMILY: No, she did not. LORELAI: Oh, well, maybe she's still stuck under that desk. You might want to send someone out there to look. EMILY: Well, it's certainly nice to hear you finally getting involved. LORELAI: Yes, in fact we're planning a charity fashion show next weekend, and I volunteered to organize it. EMILY: Well, good for you. LORELAI: Yes, and since I know how concerned you are about how Rory's perceived at Chilton, I knew you'd want to be involved somehow, so you're gonna be one of the models. EMILY: Excuse me? LORELAI: Yeah, so it's next Saturday, be there at four, and we'll provide hair and makeup. EMILY: Lorelai, you can't be serious. LORELAI: Oh, and we'll need your measurements also. EMILY: This is ridiculous. LORELAI: Mom. You said you wanted me to be involved. Well, I'm involved, now don't you want to do your part to ensure Rory's future? EMILY: All right. LORELAI: Start measuring. [hangs up] RORY: You feel better now? LORELAI: Waffle's very happy. CUT TO CHILTON CAFETERIA [Rory starts to sit alone at her regular table when Francie walks over to her.] FRANCIE: Sit with us, please. [walks away] RORY: Um, okay. [Francie sits down at her table.] FRANCIE: Here she comes. [Rory walks up the Puffs' table] LEM: Welcome. FRANCIE: We talked. We find you fascinating. IVY: Like the monkey habitat. FRANCIE: So we've decided to extend an invite to you. You can eat here anytime you like. RORY: Wow, that's nice of you, thanks. So can I ask about this whole sorority thing? FRANCIE: Pardon? IVY: Sorori-what? RORY: I thought you guys were LEM: We have no idea what you're talking about. FRANCIE: That's right. After all, what's the point of a secret society if it's not a secret? RORY: The whole school apparently knows about it. [Paris leans against the wall behind their table and reads.] FRANCIE: Well, no one has proof. It's just folklore. IVY: Like Snow White and Rose Red. FRANCIE: Or Mariah Carey's crackup. LEM: Have you heard her fan message recently? She's fine and is currently staring at a really beautiful rainbow. IVY: Survivor, hello. [Francie sees Paris standing behind them] FRANCIE: Friend of yours? RORY: Paris? Oh well IVY: Too intense. LEM: Way too intense. FRANCIE: She comes from a long line of us though. IVY: I hate nepotism. LEM: It, however, does make the world go round. RORY: You know, Paris, while, yes, a little intense, is also very smart. FRANCIE: So I drop a box of matches on the floor, she can tell me how many there are? RORY: She's editor of the paper. Amazing writer, plus funny. IVY: She's funny? RORY: Oh yeah. Hilarious. I mean, the times that we have spent laughing together. I tell ya, she's a regular Gary Muledeer. FRANCIE: She asked you to talk her up, didn't she? RORY: No, not at all. IVY: Right. RORY: No, really. I think she's actually thinking of joining another non-existent group. FRANCIE: What? IVY: But her family's fully puffed. RORY: I don't know. Maybe I heard her wrong, but I think that's what I heard her say. FRANCIE: A voluntary defector. IVY: Francie. FRANCIE: I know. [turns to Paris] Paris? PARIS: Yeah? FRANCIE: I think the wall can hold itself up just fine, don't you? PARIS: What? FRANCIE: You should sit. PARIS: Sit? FRANCIE: Here. PARIS: Sit there? IVY: Or here. LEM: Or anywhere for that matter. PARIS: Well RORY: Unless you've got somewhere else to be. Another table, perhaps. PARIS: Another table? FRANCIE: No, you have to sit, right here. Come, come. [moves down to make room for Paris] PARIS: Uh, okay. I guess I can sit, for a little while anyhow. [sits down] FRANCIE: Okay, so, have we discussed homecoming yet? IVY: Not to my knowledge. FRANCIE: I truly believe the whole homecoming dance ritual's be put to sleep. CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN [The day of the fashion show, Lorelai walks through the lobby over to Michel at the front desk.] LORELAI: Uh, in the dining room, and don't drip water on the floor please. Michel, did the MICHEL: Five minutes ago. LORELAI: What about the MICHEL: He brought the wrong color, I sent him back. LORELAI: What? When will he be MICHEL: Twenty minutes tops, or I told him I will hunt him down and shave his beard. LORELAI: Good, now we need the uh MICHEL: Oh, yes, thank you for reminding me. LORELAI: Anything MICHEL: No. LORELAI: Okay, well, I'm going in the dining room. Come and get me if you actually need me to finish a sentence for you. MICHEL: Will do. CUT TO DINING ROOM [Lorelai walks in and goes over to the man fixing the runway.] LORELAI: Hey, how's it coming? MAN: Working on it. LORELAI: This cannot tilt. MAN: I know this. LORELAI: Women in heels will be walking on it. Make it not tilt. [Sookie walks out of the kitchen] SOOKIE: The lettuce is dry. LORELAI: What does that mean? SOOKIE: How attached are you to salad? LORELAI: It's free to see anyone it wants. SOOKIE: I don't want to make a salad with dry lettuce. LORELAI: What's the alternative? SOOKIE: I can make soup. LORELAI: Fine. SOOKIE: Okay, great. LORELAI: Ah, Sookie? SOOKIE: Yeah? LORELAI: Did we pay for the lettuce already? SOOKIE: Yes, we did. LORELAI: See if you can put it in the soup. SOOKIE: Gotcha. LORELAI: Okay. [Luke walks in carrying his toolbox.] LORELAI: Ah, thank God! You brought Bert. LUKE: Right here. LORELAI: My men, follow me. LUKE: By the way, you do tell people that you're the one that named my toolbox, right? LORELAI: Toolbox, dirty. LUKE: Oh geez. [they walk to the man fixing the runway.] LORELAI: Okay, um, move. MAN: What? LORELAI: I want Luke to look at it. MAN: Hey, I put this thing together. LORELAI: Yes, and I loved your work in Pisa, now get out of the way, please. [the man walks away] LUKE: Okay, so what seems to be the problem? LORELAI: Uh ha! The problem is. . .that's not funny. LUKE: I like it when you're stressed. Oh man, he put this thing up all wrong. LORELAI: Can you fix it? LUKE: I don't know, I'll see. LORELAI: You can fix it. LUKE: You can say it all you want, it doesn't make it true. LORELAI: You can fix it. LUKE: Not with you hovering, I can't. LORELAI: Okay, I'm leaving. You can fix it. [walks away and sees Ava] Oh, Ava, hi. AVA: God, the place looks wonderful. LORELAI: Thank you. Let me show you to the room where we're all getting ready. AVA: All right. [As they walk towards the changing room, they pass Luke] LORELAI: Fix it yet? LUKE: The moron used the wrong supports. LORELAI: Please tell me you can fix it. LUKE: If I told you I couldn't fix it, would you accept that? LORELAI: No. LUKE: I can fix it. LORELAI: Thank you. So we're right back here [Ava stops to stare at Luke] Uh, Ava, the room's right back here. AVA: Him. LORELAI: Who? AVA: There, man with tools, who is that? LORELAI: Oh, that's Luke. AVA: Luke, I like Luke. LORELAI: What? AVA: Oh, he's adorable. And he looks strong, is he strong? LORELAI: Oh I don't know. I don't think he's gonna be in a sideshow anytime soon, but he can get the lid off a pickle jar. AVA: Is he single? LORELAI: Well, uh yeah, he is single. AVA: What kind of women does he like? LORELAI: I don't know, ones with heads. You know, I don't really know what Luke's taste in women is. [Emily walks into the dining room] EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, um, Ava, why don't you go on in the back, go to the right, you'll find the dressing room, I'll be there in a sec. [Ava leaves] Hi Mom. EMILY: The place isn't nearly done yet. LORELAI: Ugh. Mom, why don't you just go on in the back and get ready. EMILY: Did you see the clothes? What am I wearing? LORELAI: I don't know. I just had them hang them up in the room EMILY: God, I hope they're not tasteless or zebra striped or spandex. LORELAI: Well, one good way to find out is to go on back and take a peak. EMILY: You have to get ready too. LORELAI: I'll be there in a sec. EMILY: If I'm doing this, you're doing this. I mean it. [Emily walks in the back, Lorelai walks over to Luke.] LORELAI: Oh! You fixed it! LUKE: Yup, for the time being, but I'm gonna stick around for awhile just to make sure nothing happens. LORELAI: Oh. Okay. LUKE: What? LORELAI: What? LUKE: You don't want me to stick around? LORELAI: I didn't say that. LUKE: Is there a reason I shouldn't stick around? LORELAI: Are you listening? It's fine. LUKE: Because I'm just doing this for you. I mean, if this thing goes and someone breaks their neck LORELAI: Luke, stick around. LUKE: All right, if you insist. CUT TO DRESSING ROOM [Women are walking around getting ready. Lorelai walks in and over to Emily.] LORELAI: Hey. Why aren't you dressed yet? EMILY: I was waiting for you. LORELAI: Oh, my God, you're a paranoid woman. [Emily walks to the lady handing out clothes.] EMILY: I'm Emily Gilmore. LADY: [hands her a garment bag] Okay, here you go. Where's Lorelai Gilmore? LORELAI: Oh, right here. LADY: You two are together. [hands her a garment bag] LORELAI: What? LADY: You're the mother-daughter team. LORELAI: Oh, no I'm LADY: I have outfits for one mother-daughter team, your names are on the outfits, you're it. LORELAI: [unzips the garment bag] Ugh! Oh my God! CUT TO FASHION SHOW [A lady at a podium begins the fashion show.] LADY: I want to welcome you here to the Chilton Booster Club's Annual Fall Festival Fundrasier, where all the proceeds from the evening go directly into the refurbishing of the Chilton auditorium. But enough about the kids. Tonight is about us, and without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Saks presents a fabulous fall fashion extravaganza. [Music starts and ladies start walking down the runway. After a few models, Emily and Lorelai walk down the runway together wearing similar red outfits. They do several identical turns and motions, then walk off.] CUT TO INN'S DINING ROOM [After the fashion show, Lorelai, Emily, and 2 women are sitting at a table talking about the show.] MENA: Well, I must say, this was definitely better than the salsa band. GINGER: Oh, people loved it, did you hear them? God, who picked that music? LORELAI: Um, that'd be me. GINGER: It was terrific. The whole thing was terrific. LORELAI: Well, thank you. MENA: Oh, and hiring that actor to play a horrible, rude, annoying Frenchman. What a riot! LORELAI: Oh yeah, I thought that'd be fun. GINGER: You know, if you plan all these damn things, we wouldn't have to have anymore of those stupid meetings. LORELAI: Oh come on. Don't you want to see how long it actually takes Aubrey to finally learn that kid's name? GINGER: Eh, you're right. Okay, I'll see you at the next meeting. Great job, really. It's the best event we've ever had. LORELAI: Well thanks Ginger. Bye Mena. MENA: Buh bye. [Ginger and Mena leave.] LORELAI: What are you looking so ha-ha about? EMILY: I'm not looking ha-ha. LORELAI: Yes you are. EMILY: All right. Whatever you say. LORELAI: Come on Mom, fess up. EMILY: Big success tonight. LORELAI: Seemed to be. EMILY: The ladies were thrilled. They adore you. LORELAI: Yes, well, that's because I'm adorable. EMILY: Funny isn't it? LORELAI: What's funny? EMILY: How nicely you seem to be fitting into the world that you ran away from. Well, goodnight Lorelai. Congratulations. [leaves] [Lorelai looks around and gives a slightly sad look as she sees Luke talking to Ava] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory is on the couch reading as Lorelai comes home from the fashion show.] RORY: Is that you? LORELAI: Nope. RORY: How was it? LORELAI: Oh, fine. It ran smoothly, and the food was amazing. Michel only made three people cry. RORY: How was the fashion show? LORELAI: Oh, you know, I walked up and down the ramp, looked pouty and sexy, now I'm ready for rehab. I brought you some Booster cake. RORY: Put it in the fridge please. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: How's Grandma? LORELAI: Uh, mmm, good. RORY: I'm assuming that's your piece of cake and mine is safely in the fridge. LORELAI: Hmm, you're cute. RORY: Uh huh. So what'd you wear? LORELAI: Oh, look at the time. I'm going to bed. RORY: Nobody took a picture of you? LORELAI: Uh, no. Can you believe that? RORY: You're holding onto that purse mighty tightly there missy. LORELAI: Yes, well, I really love this purse. RORY: You have pictures in there. LORELAI: You calling your mother a liar? RORY: Yes I am. LORELAI: Mm, well, that's why I ate your cake. [Lorelai hands Rory the purse, Rory takes out some pictures] RORY: Oh my God! LORELAI: Be nice. RORY: You look like Nancy Reagan. LORELAI: Oh, now how is that nice? RORY: I don't believe this. You look so completely different. Elegant, understated. LORELAI: Yes, well I was wearing underwear with propellers on them if that makes you feel any better. I'm going to bed. RORY: I'll send the Secret Service up. LORELAI: Oh, uh, by the way, I would put on your good pajamas, you know, the cute ones with the cakes on them. And brush your hair and put on a little lip gloss. RORY: Why? LORELAI: You're being kidnapped tonight. [goes upstairs] RORY: Excuse me? [follows her] CUT TO LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Lorelai walks in followed by Rory.] LORELAI: I got a call today from Francie. RORY: What? LORELAI: Yes, she said that she and her friends were gonna come in while you're sleeping, wake you up, kidnap you and take you out to breakfast in your pajamas. RORY: Why would they do that? LORELAI: Apparently it's fun. RORY: Well, that doesn't sound fun. LORELAI: She told me to leave a key under the mat and some money on the coffee table. RORY: And you said yes to this insanity? LORELAI: Hey, I told you not to become a soc, but you didn't listen. RORY: I can't believe that you are going to let a group of strange girls come traipsing in here and take away your only child, your precious baby girl, and off to God knows where in the middle of the night. LORELAI: If it's someplace with doughnuts, bring me one, okay? RORY: Fine. [Lorelai starts looking at her modeling pictures. Rory grabs them.] LORELAI: Uhh! Hey! RORY: Christmas Cards. LORELAI: More like your grandmother every day! CUT TO LIVING ROOM [Rory is sitting on the couch reading when she hears a car pull up out front.] RORY: Mom, my kidnappers are here. LORELAI: Okay, have fun. [Rory turns out the living room light, goes into her room and pretends to be sleeping in her bed. A few seconds later, several girls with flashlights walk in.] FRANCIE: Hit the lights. IVY: I can't find it. FRANCIE: Shh. [lights go on] ALL: Surprise! RORY: What's going on? FRANCIE: Rise and shine. IVY: You can grab shoes, but no socks. RORY: Oh wow, this is totally unexpected. I'm completely surprised. FRANCIE: You looked it. IVY: Okay, let's move. We've still got a couple more girls to get. [all the girls but Paris walk out] PARIS: So, that's how you look when you've just woken up? RORY: Um, yeah. PARIS: Nothing in my life is fair. CUT TO CHILTON [The Puffs are leading several blindfolded girls, including Rory and Paris, through the halls.] FRANCIE: Okay, just a little further. GIRL: [bumps into lockers] Ow! IVY: Shh! GIRL: Sorry. FRANCIE: Okay, that's far enough. Ladies, here on the spot, tonight in this place, where so many others have come before you, we invite you to join us. IVY: Ladies, remove your blindfolds. RORY: We're at Chilton. FRANCIE: Keys please. RORY: What are we doing at Chilton? PARIS: Will you please be quiet. We are being puffed. FRANCIE: What you are about to do and what you are about to say will remain forever between the members of the Puffs and only the members of the Puffs. [She unlocks the door. Everyone goes inside except for Rory, Paris and another girl.] RORY: This is the headmaster's office. How did she get the keys? I'm sure he didn't give them to her. PARIS: Stop it. We are making very important social contacts here. RORY: Hey, I'm not looking for social contacts. I have friends. I'm fine. PARIS: Well, how nice it must be to be you. Maybe someday I'll stumble into a Disney movie and suddenly be transported into your body, and after living there awhile, I'll finally realize the beauty of myself. But until that moment, I'm going to go in there and I'm going to become a Puff. Now get out of my way. CUT TO HEADMASTER'S OFFICE [The girls stand around his desk as Lem lights a candle.] FRANCIE: The historical bell of Chilton, 120 years old. Every member of the Puffs has stood here under the cover of night to pledge her lifelong devotion to us. 'I pledge myself to the Puffs, loyal I'll always be, a P to start, 2 F's at the end, and a U sitting in between.' RORY: Anne Sexton, right? FRANCIE: Once you've finished your oath, you will ring the bell three times. IVY: Rory? RORY: Yeah? IVY: You first. [Rory steps up to the desk.] RORY: Um, I pledge myself to the Puffs IVY: You have to hold the candle. [Rory picks up the candle] RORY: I pledge myself to the Puffs, loyal I'll always be FRANCIE: Sing out Louise. RORY: A P to start, 2 F's at the end, and a U sitting in between. [Rory rings the bell twice before the office doors burst open] HEADMASTER: I wouldn't do that again Miss Gilmore. CUT TO HEADMASTER'S OFFICE [All the girls are sitting down in the office as the Headmaster lectures them.] HEADMASTER: Disappointment, disillusionment, frustration, astonishment. I suppose you could say I am experiencing all of these emotions. Finding some of Chilton's best and brightest acting in such a destructive, immoral and illegal manner will make all of us think long and hard about the manner in which we are educating you girls. But that is all in the future. How do we handle this now? Well, suspension will be considered, detention and extra credit to maintain your current GPA standing will be a given. RORY: This is unbelievable. HEADMASTER: What was that, Miss Gilmore? RORY: Nothing. HEADMASTER: No, I distinctly heard you mumbling something in a rather disgruntled tone, I'd like to know what it was. RORY: I said this is unbelievable. HEADMASTER: And why is this unbelievable Miss Gilmore? RORY: Because I didn't even want to be here in the first place. HEADMASTER: Oh, now Miss Gilmore RORY: Things were going fine, my grades were good, I joined the paper. My routine was down. HEADMASTER: Your routine was RORY: And I have friends. I have a steady boyfriend, and my mother and I are freakishly linked, and Lane and I have been best friends since kindergarten. But you don't see that because I don't live in this town, and if you don't see it then it must not be true. And you call me in here to lecture me because I'd rather read at lunch then endlessly discuss the euthanasia of homecoming. HEADMASTER: You're reading had RORY: You told me and you told my mother that I needed to socialize, and if I didn't, it would be frowned upon and it would hurt me getting into Harvard. HEADMASTER: Well, yes, we did say that. RORY: So, I did it. I sat down at a table, a random table. FRANCIE: Random? RORY: And the next thing I know, I'm being pulled out of my bed in the middle of the night and I'm blindfolded and then before I know it, I end up here with the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, reciting poetry and lighting candles, and now I'm gonna be suspended because I was trying to do what you told me? What's fair about that? SECRETARY: Headmaster Charleston, the parents are starting to arrive. HEADMASTER: Thank you Mrs. Trager. All right ladies, we'll continue this conversation tomorrow and for many days after that. You may go. Miss Gilmore, I think that maybe you and I should talk some more. [the other girls leave] RORY: About what? HEADMASTER: About the fact that though I do feel it is important that students socialize, possibly we may have been a little hasty to judge in your case. RORY: Really? So does that mean that you might reconsider my suspension? HEADMASTER: You're an excellent student. You deserve to go to Harvard. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of that. We'll talk tomorrow. RORY: Thank you. CUT TO HALLWAY [Parents are picking up their kids. Lorelai walks down the hallway over to Rory.] LORELAI: What happened? The reception on the phone sucked, and all I heard was 'Rory' and 'Chilton' and 'get down here.' Who's butt do I have to kick? RORY: We didn't go to breakfast. LORELAI: What are you talking about? RORY: We came here. They broke into the Headmaster's office as the big initiation. LORELAI: Oh, those stupid girls. RORY: Mm hmm. Part of the initiation was ringing a bell. So that's what I was doing when security showed up and they called you. LORELAI: That's what you got busted for, ringing a bell? RORY: Yeah, mm hmm. LORELAI: That's it? Bell ringing? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: Uh, were you at least smoking a Cuban cigar while you were doing it? RORY: Mom. LORELAI: No, I mean, bad girl. How many times have I told you not to ring bells? RORY: Let's go. LORELAI: They can dent or scratch and they make dogs crazy. Who do you think you are, the hunchback of Notre Dame? Are you French, are you circular, I don't think so. RORY: I'm walking to the car now. LORELAI: Wait, hold on. How much trouble are you in? Should I go talk to the Headmaster? RORY: No, I think it's gonna be okay. LORELAI: Okay. Aw, was it a big bell at least? CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai walks in and sits at the counter.] LUKE: Hey, good party yesterday. LORELAI: Yeah, not bad. LUKE: Yeah, I like the new look. It was very high-class substitute teacher. LORELAI: Exactly what I was going for. LUKE: Coffee? LORELAI: Oh, to go. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: Hey Luke, uh, I feel a little weird even mentioning this to you. LUKE: What? LORELAI: Yesterday I saw you talking to Ava, you know, she's in my booster club? LUKE: Yeah, I know who she is. LORELAI: Oh, good. Well, good. So anyhow, I saw you guys talking alone and it seemed kind of private, and she mentioned earlier that you didn't make her, you know, gag, so I just figured you guys were making some sort of plans to hang out. And see, the thing is, I just think it would be a little weird if you started dating a Chilton mom. Look, I know I have no right to say anything to you, but it's just, um, if you did date her, well, I'm in the Booster Club with her, which means that I'll hear things, and I don't know, it's just, I'd like to keep that Chilton life separate from my Stars Hollow life, so if there's any way that you could not date her, that would be really great. LUKE: Boy, I tell you, you've got nerve. LORELAI: Okay. Well, I know this is your private business. LUKE: It is my private business. LORELAI: You don't see any validity to my side at all? LUKE: I am a grown man. You cannot tell me who to date. LORELAI: I'm not telling you who to date, I'm telling you who not to date. LUKE: You can't tell me that either. LORELAI: Look LUKE: I will date who I like, and if that screws with your plans, then sorry. And if you don't wanna hear things, then don't listen. LORELAI: But LUKE: If you don't like it, you can just deal with it. LORELAI: Okay, I'll just deal with it. LUKE: Good. LORELAI: I just thought that if something was going to affect our friendship in some way that you might care about that, because if the situation was reversed, then I would care, but hey, that's me, and so go ahead, date her, marry her, make her Mrs. Backwards Baseball Cap, live happily ever after, see if I care. [starts to leave] LUKE: And by the way, I wasn't asking her out. I was giving her directions for the quickest way back to Hartford. It was very romantic. I said you take a right at Deerfield, and you catch the I-5 and you take it south. Oh man, hot stuff. LORELAI: That is so typical of you. LUKE: What? LORELAI: That is not the quickest way back to Hartford. Everybody knows that you take Maine to Cherry to Lynwood and then grab the I-11. Everybody knows that Luke. Everybody, apparently, but you! [leaves] CUT TO CHILTON CAFETERIA [Rory walks in, sits at a table alone, puts on her walkman, and starts reading her book. A girl walks over to her.] GIRL: Do you mind? RORY: Oh, no. GIRL: Thanks. [The girl sits down with her lunch and starts reading. Rory smiles and continues reading.]
Plan: A: Headmaster Charleston; Q: Who decrees that both Gilmore girls need to improve their socialization skills at Chilton? A: their socialization skills; Q: What does Rory need to improve in order for Headmaster Charleston to write a glowing recommendation for Rory's Harvard application? A: Rory; Q: Who stands up to Headmaster Charleston? A: Harvard; Q: Where does Rory want to go to college? A: lunch; Q: When did Rory ask a group of girls if she could join them? A: Paris; Q: Who is jealous of Rory's success in socializing? A: Chilton's famed secret sorority; Q: What is the Puffs? A: pledges; Q: What are Rory and Paris accepted as? A: their parents; Q: Who does Charleston threaten to call to threaten their college careers? A: their college careers; Q: What does Charleston threaten to ruin when the Gilmore girls are discovered by him? A: a good student; Q: What does Charleston say Rory is? A: Emily; Q: Who does Lorelai sign up to model with for the fashion show? A: participation; Q: What does Emily chide Lorelai for lacking in the Booster Club? A: a fundraising fashion show; Q: What does Lorelai host at the Inn? A: the Inn; Q: Where does Lorelai host a fashion show for the Booster Club? A: the models; Q: Who are the Booster Club mothers? A: Luke; Q: Who does Lorelai ask to not date Eva? A: the runway; Q: What does Luke fix for Lorelai on the day of the fashion show? A: the eye; Q: What does Luke catch of Eva? A: Eva; Q: Who is the president of the Booster Club? A: The day; Q: What goes downhill when Lorelai discovers that she and Emily will be modeling matching mother-daughter outfits? A: a tremendous success; Q: How did the fashion show turn out? A: the pathetic reason; Q: What does Lorelai give to Luke to keep her Stars Hollow life and her Chilton life separate? A: Luke's dating Eva; Q: What does Lorelai fear will combine her Stars Hollow and Chilton lives? A: her directions; Q: What does Luke tell Lorelai he was only giving her? A: Hartford; Q: Where does Luke tell Lorelai he wants to take Eva to? A: a fool; Q: What does Lorelai think she's made of herself when she's told that Luke isn't interested in Eva? A: Luke's amusement; Q: What does Luke think of Lorelai's hurried exit from the diner? Summary: Headmaster Charleston decrees that both Gilmore girls need to improve their socialization skills at Chilton if they want him to write a glowing recommendation for Rory's Harvard application. Rory's first attempt to socialize leads her to ask a group of girls at lunch if she could join them. They agree and hit it off famously. After lunch, an insanely jealous Paris accosts Rory and tells her the group that she innocently stumbled into is "The Puffs", Chilton's famed secret sorority. Paris would do anything to join, and she begs Rory not to bad-mouth her to the group. At the next opportunity, Rory talks Paris up to the group and they are both accepted as pledges. The Puffs "kidnap" Rory, Paris and the other pledges very early one morning under the guise of taking them to breakfast, but instead take them to Headmaster Charleston's office to be initiated into the group. In the middle of the ceremony, they are discovered by Charleston and the security guards. He calls their parents and threatens their college careers, until Rory stands up to him and says that if he hadn't forced her to socialize, she wouldn't be there at all. He agrees and reconsiders, saying that she is a good student who deserves to go to Harvard. After being chided by Emily for her lack of participation, Lorelai joins the Booster Club and offers to host a fundraising fashion show at the Inn. To her dismay, she discovers that the Booster Club mothers are the models; not wanting to be mortified by herself, and to exact a little payback for being chided, she signs Emily up to model as well. On the day of the show, Lorelai calls Luke to fix the runway, and he catches the eye of Eva, the Booster Club president, who's quite taken with him. Lorelai becomes uncomfortable when she sees them huddled together talking. The day goes even further downhill when Lorelai discovers that she and Emily will be modeling matching mother-daughter outfits. They end up looking terrific and having a ball struting their stuff on the runway, and the show is a tremendous success. Back in Stars Hollow, Lorelai visits Luke at the diner and asks him not to go out with Eva. She offers the pathetic reason that she wants to keep her Stars Hollow life and her Chilton life separate, and that Luke's dating Eva will combine the two. Luke sees right through her, and after letting her know that he'll date whoever he pleases, tells her that he's not interested in Eva and was only giving her directions back to Hartford. Lorelai, secretly happy but realizing she's made a fool of herself, hurries out of the diner, to Luke's amusement.
Escape From Witch Island #307 (Dawson is working at the video store when suddenly Joey shows up.) Dawson: Joey, hey. Joey: Dawson, please tell me you have 'The Crucibles'. Dawson: Belinda checked it out, about an hour ago. Joey: Oh. Well, serves me right, I guess, for being that girl. Dawson: What girl? Joey: The girl who rents the movie the night before an all important paper is due, because her debilitating attention deficit disorder has gotten in the way of her actually reading the book. Dawson: Since when are you that girl? Joey: Well, between taking care of baby Alexander and getting the B&B up and running, I haven't had a whole lot of time for that pesky endeavor known as school. Dawson: B&B? I thought you worked at the Marina? What happened? Joey: That's a long and exceedingly soapy story, Dawson. So, what's up with you? Eve help you add anymore crimes and misdemeanors to your record? Dawson: Eve left town, actually. (an awkward pause) Joey: Well, thanks a lot Dawson. I guess I'll see you around school. I'll be the one cloaked in failure. Dawson: Hold on, you know what, Joey? What if I told you you didn't have to do the paper? Joey: I'm listening. Dawson: After we got the assignment I went up to Green and said 'Look, you really want the standard 5-pages of footnotes and cribbed encyclopedia passages chronically the Salem Witch trials, or Joey: Let me guess, you, uh, sold him on the idea of making a movie instead? Classic Dawson Leery. Dawson: Here's the best part. Jen and Pacey are also excused from doing the paper as long as they (missed the word). Joey: I guess my invitation got lost in the mail. Dawson: I would have invited you Joey: Forget about it. So what's it about? Your movie. Dawson: Well, umm, since we're reading The Crucibles, we're studying the Salem Witch trials, I figured why not do a documentary on something that happened right in your back yard. Witch Island. Joey: So basically, you're ripping off the Blair Witch Project. Dawson: I am insulted. I am making a real documentary. I want to try and use the myth of Witch Island to tell a larger story about hypocrisy (missed the world) and persecution. So, are you in? Joey: Well, you know, I could blow off the paper, I'd probably fail the class, and if I failed the class, well, that could be the beginning of a long and tragic downward spiral that dooms me to wait the tables of Capeside's greasy spoons for eternity. So, count me in. (credits) Green: In the year 1692, 13 young women, well, teenage girls really, were banished to a small island off the New England coast, because they were suspected of practicing witch craft. One night, a year later, a fire raged out of control, killing them all. Mitch: Hands down, the best high school make-out place ever. Gail: I think that's where your father and I made love for the first time. Dawson: God, mom Gail: Honey, are you okay? Jen: I gotta say, Blair Witch didn't do it for me. I wasn't remotely scared, that girl was irritating me, and I had to run to the snack bar in dire need of Dramamine. Joey: I was scared. Pacey: That's no surprise there, Potter. After all, you are quite the skittish kitten. Dawson: I thought Blair Witch was groundbreaking. Hollywood laid to waste by a couple guys with a camcorder? How cool is that. Pacey: Frankly, I think my father makes scarier movies with his home video camera. You guys want scary? Check out the Whitter family Christmas Project. Guaranteed to make your teeth chatter. Jen: You know, before we're off to see the witch, I would like to apply that there are no such thing as witches. I say witches is just a buzz word for a girl who happens to follow her completely healthy, totally natural urges, and explore her sexuality. But see, you can't do that in swinging 1690, without getting the good towns folk all up in arms. So what do these puritanical, impotent creeps do instead of reaching for the Viagra? They brand these girls as witches, they send them off to some God forsaken island to die a horrible, solitary death. Joey: Well, lucky for you, Jen, I mean, we live in a world where you can follow your natural urges without fear of persecution. Jen: You're right. I would have been so burned at the stake by now. Dawson: Okay, I think it's time to set up some interviews. Umm, Joey, lend me a hand? Joey: Sure. Dawson: And you guys rustle up some interviewees. Pacey: Yavolay(don't ask me what this means!) director! Have fun kids! Doesn't that just warm your heart? Kevin and Winny taking those first tentative steps back to The Wonder Years. Jen: Actually, it just makes me glad that you and I had the forethought not to hook up. Pacey: Amen, sister Christian. Jen: Why is that do you think? Pacey: Well, if you look at the clinical research, you'll find that the smart ass sidekick, he never gets the girl. Jen: Oh! Pacey: Now the real reason there was never a you and me, Lindley, is because you and me, we don't need anything from each other. Jen: I'm sorry, I left my decoder ring back in the cereal box. Pacey: You see, you as the girl who's wanton ways had her banished to the boonies, you needed the affection of the unblemished, small town, pure heart to validate you in your oh so vulnerable time. Right? Jen: Yeah. Pacey: Me, the suprarenal black sheep of the Whitter crew, I guess I just need the love and affection of a woman who's drive and devotion would shame me to the core that it would force me to get in touch with the, I don't know, shall we call it my inner achiever? You and me, we're different. We're on a level playing field. Jen: And I thought that Dawson was good at deconstruction. (Elsewhere) Andie: Ahh, Principle Green, do you have a moment? Green: Now's not the best time Andie: I just want to let you know that I take my appointment to the head of the disciplinary committee with the utmost seriousness and I am determined not to lose your trust. Green: That's some earnest attitude. Now if you'll excuse me Andie: Oh, I just want to let you know that the last few weeks have been tumultuous to say the least, but I am please to report that I have my priorities in order. Green: Good, I'm glad to hear that. So why don't you check with me later Andie: I'd like to run by a few ideas if that's alright. Green: (giving in) Come on. Andie: Excellent. Okay, I've read the rules of conduct (Outside school, Joey and Dawson set up the camcorder for interviews) Dawson: I can't tell you how much I miss this, Joey. Joey: Me too. Dawson: I feel lucky. Joey: So do I. Dawson: You know, like I've been able to recapture a feeling that I lost somewhere along the way. Joey: I know what you mean Dawson: I mean, granted, you know, it's only for a school project, but it's good to be making movies again. Joey: I thought you were talking about us, you and me. Dawson: That too, obviously. You know, I miss the whole, lets make a movie bug thing we had before things got so terminally angsted. You know, I'm really glad we're friends again. Joey: Friends. (Interviewing Grams) Grams: 300 years ago, harlots who were practicing witch craft were banished to that island. And what happened there has proved positive that the good Lord doesn't take lightly to those who dabble in the black (missed word). Bessie: One time in high school, this guy disappeared there. He was a big stoner. One of those guys who have Led Zepplin's "Four" playing in his head at all times. So everyone said he probably got wasted and drowned. I don't know. Some people say the witches got him. Student: Yeah, well kids just mysteriously disappear there over the years and they say it's the witches or whatever. But I think the CIA or the NSA had something to do with it. It's just like our government to come up with some occult back story to cover up their male thesis. (Pacey, Joey, Dawson and Jen are walking to the dock where they catch the boat to Witch Island) Pacey: Nobody bought snacks? Come on, guys! What is a field trip without the snacks? Nobody bought the Doritos? The Ho-Ho's? (missed word) for a Coke wrapped in tin foil. Man: It's the Dawson Leery party, right? Dawson: Present and accounted for. Mind if I ask you a couple of questions? I'm making a movie. Man: Only if you return the favor (pulls a camcorder out of his bag and starts filming Dawson). Alright. So, umm, what is your movie about? Dawson: (a little weirded out) I'm making a documentary on Witch Island. What's your movie about? Man: I'm making a documentary about all of the people making a documentary about Witch Island. Ever since Blair Witch hit, every geek with a camcorder and a dream has been out here, so. A little luck and this baby will get me on the festival circuit, right? Dawson: Yeah What can you tell me about Witch Island? Man: You kids think it's all spooky fun and kissy cool and all that, but don't get so caught up in your Scooby Doo adventure that you get stuck out there past dark. Jen: Oh, come on, we don't scare that easy. Man: She calling me a liar? You calling me a liar, is that what you're saying, huh? Listen, girls died out there, you don't think they're not a little ticked off about what happened out there all those years ago? You think they're above taking their anger out on a teenie bopper or two, everyone once in a full moon? Huh? These girls, sometimes they can't control their natural urges. Alright, all aboard, let's go. (At the island, exiting the boat) Wendy: Hey guys! Welcome to Witch Island. I am Wendy Dowlripple of the Capeside historical society and I'm here to answer any questions that you may have about Witch Island. Which, I'm ashamed to say, represents a particularly dark period in our nation's history. Jen: Oh, dear God. Pacey: Uhh, you wouldn't happen to have a snack bar or anything up here, would you? Cause I'm famished, and Cameron over there decided to cancel the 7-11 run before we got on board. Wendy: You'll find some refreshments in our gift shop, young man. Along with a lovely selection of our witch themed souvenirs. Jen: Ooh, I like souvenirs. Wendy: Making a little movie, are we? Joey: He's ripping off The Blair Witch Project. Wendy: Seen it. Come with me. I'll take you to the cemetery. Goes over real well with you film maker types. Got a lot of atmosphere. Dawson: Hey, Joey? You realize the Blair Witch was fake, right? Where as my documentary is real. (Jen and Pacey in the gift shop) Jen: Pacey, check this out. (reading out of a spell book) That wicked crush got you down? Do you stare at him for hours without getting so much as a glance in return? Do you ever call and hang up? Riffle through his garbage? Has the thought of disfiguring his girlfriend ever crossed your mind? Stalk no more, ladies with the handy dandy incantation that will turn the object of your affections into a love sick puppy dog. Pacey: Dream on, Lindley. Jen: What, you don't think it will work? Pacey: Well, not to be a naysayer No, actually, to be a naysayer, my belief in the power of spells is somewhere up there with my belief in the validity of sea monkeys. Jen: I'm gonna try it. Pacey: Really? On whom? Jen: You. Pacey: Me? Jen: Who better? You're not attracted to me in the slightest. Pacey: Not in the least. Jen: Ouch. Pacey: No, no, no, I didn't mean it like that. You are certainly quite the oeuvre vixen and I am nothing if not fond of you, but you're just not my type. Jen: Right back at you, man. Pacey: I'm brooding and cumuli. Jen: I'm sure you score way high on some girls' cute-o-meter, Pacey, just not mine. Pacey: I'm a better catch than Ty the bible beater or that skirt chasing Neanderthal Chris Wolfe.> Jen: This coming from a guy who's past two relationships have ended with the girl either leaving town to avoid prosecution or cool out in crazy camp for the summer. Pacey: Ouch. (Dawson and Joey out at the cemetery with Wendy) Joey: There's only 12. Dawson: What? Joey: Well, there was 13 witches, Dawson. 13 girls were sent here and there are only 12 graves. Wendy: Smart girl. Nobody ever picks up on that. Her name was Mary Waldeck. Dawson: What happened to her? Wendy: Her body was never found. No one knows for sure what happened but there are two distinct schools of thought. Those who like a good ghost story, well they believe she really was a witch and she haunts the island to this day. But, for those romantics out there, they believe that her lover came and took her away from this awful place. Joey: Her lover? Wendy: Yeah. I'll give you the Cliff's Notes. Mary's an orphan. She's taken in by a family named the Bennett's, and raised along their own son, William. William and Mary got along famously. So much, so in fact, that in time, they fell in love. Dawson: Uh oh. Wendy: One night, Mary and William were found in bed together. This did not go over well with the God fearing Bennett's. And in a blink of an eye, Mary was no longer their daughter. She was a witch. Joey: How horrible. Wendy: Can you imagine what this poor girl had to go through? This is a young girl no older than you, put on trial, banished to some God forsaken island for crimes that she didn't even understand, much less, commit. She was separated from the love of her life. I think that that's what makes this island such a charged place. Cause, if you've ever loved somebody that you couldn't be with, you can feel it in the air. Sadness, longing, the uncertainty. Joey: Are you taking this down, Dawson? Dawson: What do you mean? Joey: Soul-mates torn apart by circumstances beyond their control. Doomed to wonder what might have been. There's your movie. Dawson: What about the fire? Where did that happen? Wendy: Through the woods, at the church. Dawson: Can you take us there, I'd love to get some footage. Wendy: No, because I never, ever go into the woods. And if you kids are smart, you won't either. But if you do decide to go, we have some maps inside the gift shop. (Jen and Pacey back at the gift shop. Jen is mixing her potion.) Jen: Lights low and feet on the floor. Chant these words to make him yours. Darsabaloof, demoteefca, demoteeva, rennachicka, bleeth. (She drinks some of the brew) Your turn. Pacey: Excuse me? I'm sorry, it sounded like you said something about me consuming that God awful muck. Jen: Says right here that both myself and the object of my affections must ingest of the potion in order for the spell to work. Pacey: No, no, no, no, no Jen: Please? Pretty, pretty, pretty please? You don't have to swallow the precious (missed word). Pacey: Fine. Fine, but Lindley, pay back is gonna be a bitch (Pacey drinks). Jen: How do you feel? Pacey: Nice and fresh. Wendy: What is going on in here? Jen: Just a couple of crazy kids practicing a little bit of black magic. Wendy: You shouldn't mess with things that you don't understand. (Handing Dawson a map) Here, this will take you through the woods and to the church. And, oh yeah, don't get lost because it's very dark, it's very dangerous, and there's a slim chance that you will never bee seen or heard from ever again. Kay? Jen: Take that Mary Waldeck girl, for example. Was she a witch? I think not. Sounds like she just had a bad case of the warm and fuzzies. Joey: It's too heartbreaking for words. Dawson: I couldn't disagree more. Joey: How do you figure? Dawson: It clearly illustrates how love can thrive even in the worst of circumstances. Joey: Yeah, and look what happened to her. Dawson: Nobody knows what happened to her. Joey: Well, I think it's safe to assume that Mary died a very sad and lonely death. Separated from the one boy she ever loved. Dawson: You know, I don't buy that. If people are truly, madly, deeply in love, they're figure out a way to be with each other. Joey: They were young, they were split up for a long time. Maybe he forgot about her. Maybe he met someone else. Dawson: If he did meet somebody else and forgot about her, than obviously they were never meant to be together in the first place. See my point? Joey: Could you be any more naïve? Dawson: Could you be any more cynical? Jen: Could you be any more irritating? Heads up, guys, we're here. Pacey: What do you think the chances are that they got a men's room in there. I think I went a little heavy on the witches' brew. [SCENE_BREAK] (Back at Capeside High. Andie is roaming the halls, busting people.) Andie: Spaghetti straps and opened toed shoes? Not on my watch. (gives a slip to the girl. To a guy at his locker) Inappropriate display of the female form (nudie pics in the locker) Statue 97.1 - offensive and disgusting. (Hands him a slip. To a hippie type guy) Excuse me, in case you didn't know, Elvis has most definitely left the building, and in his absence, there will be no sideburns creeping past the earlobes. Rules of conduct, baby. Read 'em, learn 'em, live 'em. (Hands him a slip. Belinda notices Andie working the student body over) (Back at the church) Dawson: Listen to this, the towns people built the church because they thought it would help the girls find God. Sent a minister over every Sunday but the girls would tease him so mercilessly that he eventually gave up and stopped coming. Jen: I could hang with those girls. (starting to leave the church) I wonder if Pacey loves me yet. Joey: They were murdered. Dawson: Beg your pardon? Joey: It says here that a group of men from the main land treated the island like their own personal brothel. When word got out, the bible thumpers got together and decided enough was enough and an angry mob came, crowded the girls into this church and set it on fire. Dawson: And that's when William must have run off with Mary. Joey: Hold on, Romeo. Why are you reading into this all of a sudden? How do you know that William didn't light the torch? Dawson: I don't know, maybe because he loved her. Joey: How do you know he was such the enlightened male, Dawson? I mean, if the whole town thinks your girlfriend is a witch, maybe it's just easier to go with the flow. Dawson: That's not the story I'm interested in telling. Joey: Well, the good documentarian looks at the story from all possible angels, Dawson. Not just from the perspective of his (missed word) and annoying world view. Jen: (coming back inside the church) Has Pacey shown up yet? Joey: Not since he went in search of a perfect tree. Dawson: We gotta get back, it's starting to get dark. Jen: You know, I'll go find him. You two go back to that boat guy and make sure he doesn't leave without us, and we'll meet you back at the docks. (Dawson and Joey walking back to the docks) Dawson: Joey, why does my optimism have you so irked? Joey: That's not what's irking me, Dawson. Dawson: What is it? Joey: What's going on with us? Dawson: God, Joey, this is not the time, or the place to run an exhausted dissertation on the state of our relationship. Joey: Right, you know, we should just stand back and watch it crumble around us. We'll deal with it later when it's more convenient. Dawson: Joey, we're friends, why can't we just leave it at that? Joey: Friends Dawson: Yeah, you take away everything else that we are, and it's what we are. We're friends. Joey: Dawson, you can't just will a friendship into existence. Dawson: You know, I give up. For the first time in my life I have no idea what you're talking about. Joey: Of course you don't. Dawson: Well, explain yourself. Joey: Dawson, what exactly do you know about my life these days? I mean, think about it. Do you know how I lost my job? How I did on the PSAT's. How the Potter sisters are eating out their meager living? And you know, I don't know a thing about your life, either. Dawson: Joey, I'm sorry if I've been distant I thought that's what we needed. Joey: You know what? The last year of my life has been this wide awake nightmare of conflicting emotions. And no matter how bad it got there was always one thing that kept me going. That was us. Our bond, our connection, whatever you want to call it. It made me feel like I wasn't alone, that I was part of something special. So, I'm not standing here whining about being friends or not being friends. It's just for the first time in my life, I'm not feeling that connection, Dawson. And it scares me. Wait! (They hear the boat starting, and rush to the dock) Man: There you are. Great. Get in, let's go. Joey: No, we can't leave yet. We got split up from our friends. Man: Stupid, stupid, stupid. Didn't I warn you guys about getting stuck out here past dark? I'm pretty sure that I did. Dawson: They'll be here any minute. Man: No, uh uh. No way, I'm not staying. Weird things happen out here at night. So, you can come with me now, or I can come back in the morning and find out if you're still alive. Dawson: We're not gonna leaving without our friends. Man: Fine. I warned you guys. I told you. Whatever you do, don't go in the woods. (Man pulls away, leaving Joey and Dawson on the docks. After nightfall, Jen and Pacey still haven't found Dawson and Joey. They walk through the woods with a flashlight.) Jen: So, do you feel anything yet? Pacey: Feel what exactly? Jen: The spell. Pacey: Yeah. I actually am starting to feel something. I think I'm starting to feel a little lost. That's what it is, lost. Jen: Yeah, I know. This, I gotta say. The idea of a wholesome biblically themed meal this evening with Grams, isn't sounding too gosh darn unappealing. I'd even consider saying 'Grace', but instead, I am traipsing around some haunted forest with the likes of you. Pacey: Why am I always the bad guy? Huh? Do I deserve this? I don't think so. What is it about me that inspires vitriolic diatribes? Take Andie for example. She goes away for the summer and sleeps with a mental patient. So I break up with her for conduct unbecoming a girlfriend, something that I think I was pretty justified doing, and yet somehow, she manages to turn it around so I feel like a creep at the end of the day. How does that happen? Jen: What, you think you're the creep? Just wait until some sweet, innocent freshman gets a crush on you, and you accidentally on purpose break his smitten little heart, thus derailing his (missed word) love life forever. Pacey: You know, love has this horrible habit of always messing things up. Jen: That it does. Pacey: But s*x is nice. Jen: Yes it is. Pacey: Yes it is. s*x good, love bad. You toss it into the wok, it messes the whole thing up. Jen: This is true. Pacey: I'm starting to think that maybe casual s*x is the way to go. Jen: But s*x is never casual, Pacey. Pacey: Perhaps. But what if both partners agreed to the terms beforehand? Jen: Like a prenup? Pacey: Yes, exactly. Like a pre-getting busy agreement. I'm just thinking out loud here, but the concept of two horny teenagers coming together for some gleefully nasty coitus and parting as friends is positively revolutionary in this day and age. Jen: Sounds killer in theory. Pacey: No guilt Jen: No shame Pacey: No head games Jen: No bad mixed tapes. Pacey: Yeah, I hate those. You know, this may be the witches brew talking, but you are starting to look all kinds of cute. (Dawson and Joey are back in the gift shop, looking through some books and things) Joey: (reading from Mary's journal) Another day goes by without word from William. It's been but a few weeks time since I arrived on the island and yet it feels like an eternity. This time apart has me wondering if our bond was but an illusion. Dawson: Is that what you think, Joey? That our relationship was some slide of hand magic trick made to fill up some hole in your life? Joey: Look, I didn't say that, Dawson. Don't put words into my mouth. Dawson: I don't have to. Joey: Dawson, don't you ever wonder, you know, where this is going? Where we are exactly? I mean, is this just the first act, or has our story ended and we're just too stupid to realize it? Dawson: Why do we have to figure that out all right now? What's wrong with just living in the present for once? Joey: Because the present sucks, Dawson! I mean, excuse me for thinking back and looking forward, but I'm just trying to make sense of what's happening to us. Dawson: Joey, you yourself once told me that some love stories never end. What happened to that girl? Joey: She offered herself to the boy she loved - the boy she thought loved her back. And he rejected her. Dawson: Joey, listen to me. If we are truly meant to be, than we will find a way back to each other. It's as simple as that. Joey: You so sure about that, Dawson? (reading from the journal) I fill my days with memories. I remember how he used to look at me. Like I was his most valuable treasure. Has he found a new treasure? I can't help but wonder if we'll be able to find our way back to each other. The road before us seems so very long and my head is clouded with such dark thoughts. I feel our bond grows weaker by the day and I'm powerless to stop it. (They hear a bell ringing in the distance) Dawson: That's probably them. (They gather their stuff and rush out - to the church, Pacey and Jen wait inside.) Pacey: Hey. You rang? Dawson: We thought you guys rang. Jen: We didn't rang. Joey: Well, somebody rang. Pacey: Well, this is mighty peculiar people. Dawson: What? Pacey: There's no bell. Joey: Okay, I'm now sufficiently wigged. Jen: How goes the 17th Century soap? Joey: She just got a letter from William. Jen: Do tell. Joey: November 10th, 1693. Jen: That's today. Joey: That's also the anniversary of the fire. (reading from the journal) A letter today from my beloved William. He has made me so happy. He says he's coming tonight to take me away from this God forsaken place. Yet I am scared. He says there are those in town who feel we should be punished further for our crimes. (she stops reading) That's the last entry. Jen: So, you think he came back for her? Joey: Nah. He probably played her for a fool and took up with some well breed hussy from the mainland. Jen: Come on, Joey. Hop on the happy train. Sounds to me like those two were madly in love. Joey: You know, I hate to be one of those girls who mistakes pop lyrics for profound thoughts, but sometimes, love just isn't enough. Jen: And I hate to be the one to bust this whole subtextial bubble that you're living in, but do me a favor, Joey. Don't let someone else's love life dictate your own. (Pacey and Dawson sit alone talking) Pacey: You're not filming anymore, hombre? Dawson: Not feeling particularly visionary at the moment. Let me ask you something, Pacey? Do you think I made a mistake? Pacey: Where? Dawson: Telling Joey we needed some time apart. Pacey: Do you think you made a mistake? Dawson: Not at first, but I look at her now and see how far apart we drifted. I don't know. What if I was wrong? What if we don't end up together, and it's all my fault. Pacey: You wanna know what I see when I look at you, Dawson? For better or worse, I see a guy who consistently wears his heart on his sleeve. So no matter how harsh it may seem in retrospect, when you decided to put some distance between yourself and Joey, I know all you were doing was just following your heart. And with that in mind, I really don't think it's possible for you to have made a mistake. (Dawson is sleeping, and Pacey and Jen are alone behind some pews.) Jen: So, do you honestly think we can pull this one off? Pacey: I don't see why not. Jen: You don't have any feelings for me, right? Pacey: None whatsoever. No offense, of course. Jen: None taken of course. Pacey: You for me? Feelings? Jen: Hardly even think about you. Pacey: You gotta love that. Jen: So, what do we do now? Pacey: Should I take my pants off? Jen: Maybe we should kiss first? Pacey: Yeah, that's a good idea. (They start to kiss, but Jen stops) Jen: Is this the spell? Pacey: I don't know. I don't care! All I know is in November of 1999, 4 hyper-verbal teenagers running off into the woods on a witch hunt to film some ridiculous documentary for history class, and eight hours later, (whispering) two of them start making out. (They start to kiss again) Pacey: That was Jen: Weird. Pacey: Yeah. Let's try again. (They kiss some more) Pacey: How bout that one? Weird? Jen: (whispering) Not so much (They continue kissing. Suddenly they hearing screaming and shouting from outside. Fire is shooting in through the windows. Pacey pulls Jen to her feet, and Dawson and Joey run toward them. The people outside yelling continues. The four try to push the door open, but to no avail. Suddenly the fire and noise stops. Joey tries the door again, and it casually opens. They run outside.) Jen: Can we just go home now? Joey: Look, I don't care if we have to swim home, let's just get the hell out of here. Dawson: There's got to be a logical explanation for all this. Pacey: Okay, why don't you send us a postcard, Spock, cause I for one am not sticking around to find out. (The four run through the forest to the dock. When they get there, they see the boat and board it) Joey: Hey, the boat's there. Pacey: Get in, get in, get in! Jen: Go, go, go! (The scene splits to a TV-screen, where Dawson is showing the film in class.) Dawson: But honestly, I had envisioned a much more straightforward documentary of the history of witch island, but I was surprised by what I found there. A love story. Pure and simple. Two soul mates torn apart by the social climate of their time. And though what happened to us on the island is certainly open to your own interpretation, there's no disputing the fact that the island embodies the emotional turmoil of a girl who didn't know what the future held for her and the boy she loved. Green: It's nice work, Mr. Leery. A tad derivative in the wake of the whole Blair Witch phenomenon but inspired work none the less. I particularly liked the part that . Girl: Wait, what's that all about? (Pointing to the screen) Dawson: What? Girl: It looks like two people standing on the dock, watching you go. See, look close? (Dawson rewinds the tape and pauses it, two distinct figures are now shown standing on the dock as they drive the boat away. Dawson gives Joey a look. Jen looks at Pacey. The rest of the class notice it also, and have an odd look on their faces) Boy: (Walking in from the hall) Principle Green, we have a situation here. (Green walks out with him, and into a classroom filled with people in line at a table. Andie and Belinda are there, giving detention to the hordes of people in line) Andie: and making a filthy mess in the library. One week's detention. Next! Green: Miss McPhee? You care to explain what's going on here? Andie: Principle Green, I took your advice and ran with it. I've teamed up with Belinda and we've taken the first steps towards improving the quality of life at Capeside. Green: What could all of these students have possibly done wrong? Andie: Each and every one of them was in direct violation of the rules of conduct. Green: The rules of conduct were prepared in 1957. Of course they're gonna be in violation. Now after you've dismissed these students, I'd like you to stop by my office. (Andie looks embarrassed. Green leaves. Later, Jen goes to the video store, and wakes Pacey, who is suppose to be working.) Jen: So, when are we gonna talk about it? Pacey: Talk about what exactly? Jen: What happened out there. Pacey: What DID happen out there, Lindley? Jen: I don't have any idea. But, I would just prefer that didn't get in the way of our experiment. Pacey: Perhaps we should take the shadowy, ill explained events of our brief sojourn in the woods as something of an omen. Jen: No. Pacey: No? Jen: If nothing else, that gooey little mellow drama only proves that love just mucks everything up. Pacey: So then, you're thinking would be that we should still have s*x? Jen: Yes. Pacey: Well, alright then. Okay. (pause) Did you want to do it right now? Jen: Umm, do you? Pacey: I'm kinda tired, actually. Jen: Oh, fine. Roswell's on in five minutes anyway. You just let me know when you want to do it and I'll do it. Pacey: Okay, so let me get this straight If I'm ever in the need of a release, you're just gonna help me out. Jen: Exactly. But keep in mind, it's a two way street. Pacey: Of course. Well that sounds fantastic. It does. Should we, I don't know, should we kiss on it? Jen: No. Pacey: No! Jen: No, kissing is intimate, and we're not about intimacy. Pacey: Perhaps we should just shake on it then. (they shake hands) It's good seeing ya! (Cut to Dawson's room, Joey is sitting with him, looking at the still frame of the 2 silhouettes on the dock.) Joey: I mean, who else could it be other than Wendy and that boat guy. I mean, he's a guy, she's a girl, they both have access to the island. They left the boat out there for us, I mean, it's the only possible explanation. Dawson: Only possible explanation? Joey: Let's hear your version. Dawson: Okay. The girl is Mary Waldeck and the guy is William Bennett. Look at those clothes. I mean, that hat is 17th century clothes if I've ever seen them. Joey: I think the crack habit is definitely come between you and your cognitive powers, Dawson. Obviously Wendy and the boat guy were screwing with us the whole time. Dawson: Skeptic. Joey: Sucker. Dawson: Cynic. Joey: Gullible. Dawson: I don't know, maybe you're right. Maybe we've seen the world according to Dawson one too many times. Maybe we should just sit back in a movie theater out of the harsh light of day. Joey: I don't know, Dawson. Maybe you were right. Maybe William and Mary found their way back to each other after all. Dawson: You think? Joey: It's just a thought. Dawson: Joey, I want to apologize. Joey: For what? Dawson: For taking our friendship for granted. I was wrong to think that we could just pick up right where we left off. Joey: Well, it's not entirely your fault, Dawson. I mean look at us. We've spent years intellectualizing every little feeling and it doesn't count for anything. All that matter is, what we do. You know, how we take care of each other, so, let's not talk this to death. Let's take it slow and check in with each other every once in awhile. Dawson: That sounds immensely doable. Joey: Good. I think this is one X-File we're never gonna close. Dawson: Not unless we go back. Joey: No. Dawson. Come on, Joey. A sequel? Joey: Let's just see how this one opens first. Dawson: By the way, how did you do on your PSAT's? Joey: Brilliantly.
Plan: A: school; Q: Where does Andie get involved with the disciplinary committee? A: Dawson; Q: Who decides to make a documentary? A: a documentary; Q: What does Dawson decide to make to add excitement to a dull school project? A: the help; Q: What does Dawson enlist from Joey, Pacey and Jen? A: Joey; Q: Who finds similarities between her life and one of the dead girls? A: head; Q: What role does Andie have on the school disciplinary committee? A: Capeside; Q: Where is the island that is rumored to be haunted by the ghosts of 17th century girls? A: witchcraft; Q: What were the girls accused of? A: similarities; Q: What does Joey find between her life and the life of one of the dead girls? A: Jen and Pacey; Q: Who decide to become more than just good friends? A: his documentary; Q: What does Dawson show to his class? Summary: In an effort to add excitement to a dull school project, Dawson decides to make a documentary, enlisting the help of Joey, Pacey and Jen. The group head to a small island near Capeside, rumoured to be haunted by the ghosts of some 17th-century girls, killed after being accused of witchcraft. Joey finds similarities between her own life and that of one of the dead girls which provokes some deep reflections on her strained relationship with Dawson. After some exploratory conversations, Jen and Pacey make the decision to become more than just good friends, albeit on a casual basis. Back at school, Andie gets a little too involved with her role as head of the school disciplinary committee. When Dawson screens his documentary for his class, Joey is forced to again question her opinions about love and happiness.
Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Look at us. Getting ready for a double date with actual women who publicly acknowledge they're our girlfriends. Howard: Yes, actual women are the best. Sheldon: I don't understand. What other kind of women are there? Leonard: Howard, artificial women are your department. You want to take this? Howard: No, it would just freak him out. Listen, before we leave, I should warn you, I'm a passionate man and I tend towards public displays of affection. Leonard: What are you trying to tell me, Howard? Howard: There might be some making out in the car or the restaurant, and I don't want Bernadette to feel uncomfortable, so it would help if you and Penny made out, too. Leonard: Don't worry. We're planning to have s*x right on the salad bar. Raj (arriving): Namaste, white people. Good news! I rented us the four-hour edition of Watchmen. Leonard: Got it. Howard: Seen it. Sheldon: Detailed analysis posted online. Raj: Well, then what are we going to do tonight? Leonard: Uh, sorry, Raj. Howard and I are going out to dinner with Penny and Bernadette. Howard: Yeah, no more carefree bachelor nights for me and Leonard. These broncos have been saddled. Leonard: How did we get actual women? Raj: Great. They get girlfriends, and they just abandon us? Sheldon: It is great, isn't it? We have a wonderful evening ahead of us. Raj: We do? Sheldon: Oh, yes. I just discovered I don't have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems. Raj: I don't want to do that. Sheldon: All right. Well, I'm going to perform full backup, reinitialize and then reinstall all my operating systems. Raj: What about me? Sheldon: Well, I understand there are several types of artificial women. Maybe you should look into that. Credits sequence. Scene: A little later. Raj: Dude, there's so many cool things we could be doing tonight. Look. At the Glendale Galleria, put on your best zoot suit, it's a salute to Swing music in the center court near Macy's. 5pm to 9pm, huh, huh? A salute to zoot. Sounds like a hoot. Sheldon: I'm sorry, Raj, I have no desire to salute any article of clothing tonight. Much less one that's linked to race riots in the 1940s. Raj: Race riots? Sheldon: The zoot suit riots. Raj: Oh. I always thought that was some sort of after-Christmas sale. Well, then why don't we just go to the galleria and walk around? Sheldon: I don't need anything at the Galleria. Do you need anything at the Galleria? Raj: No. We would just walk around and see what's what. Sheldon: That's a semantically null sentence. Raj: Okay, well, how about this? From the university Web site, 7pm to 10pm, Norton Hall Multipurpose Room, mixer for grad students and faculty of the science and humanities departments. Whether you split atoms or infinitives, this is the place to be. Sheldon: Well, that's certainly amusing, but I have no interest. Raj: Come on, Sheldon, the world is filled with people doing things outside. Let's go outside. Outside is good. Sheldon: If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside? Raj: I don't know, it's a marketing scheme. Please, Sheldon, I'm a young, virile visitor from a foreign land and I need to strut my stuff. Sheldon: Let me offer you a compromise. Sometimes when I feel stifled and want a change of scenery, I use my imagination. Raj: Oh, boy. Sheldon: One of my favourite places to visit is the two-dimensional world described in Edwin Abbott's mathematical fantasy, Flatland. Raj: I don't want to go to Flatland. Sheldon: You're only saying that because you haven't been there. I am now a hexagon in two-dimensional space and can only perceive the edges of other objects. Raj: Oy. Sheldon: Is that you, Raj? I don't recognize your edge. Raj: Sheldon, I'm begging you. I want to go to this mixer, and I don't want to go alone. Sheldon: Well, you're in luck, there's a mixer here in Flatland. Oh, look, there's a sexually attractive line segment, you should chat her up. Raj: What? Sheldon: Tell her you're a circle, Flatland gals are all hot for circles. Scene: Leonard's car. Leonard: I hope you're hungry, Bernadette, we're going to a terrific restaurant. Bernadette: Oh, yeah, I'm starved. When you spend all day in a bio-lab, watching flesh-eating bacteria skeletonize small rodents it really works up an appetite. Howard: Flesh-eating bacteria. And yet, I still want to kiss this woman, what does that tell you? Penny: That you'd be willing to die a horrible death on the off-chance you'd get to second base? Bernadette: Oh, we're way past second base. Right, Howard? Howard: Well, we kind of disagree about what the bases are. Bernadette: How's your work going, Penny? Any acting jobs? Penny: Well, the last big thing I did was this production of Diary of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. But I think things might be turning around pretty soon. Leonard: Great. How come? Penny: Well, promise you won't make fun of me. Leonard: Of course, I would never make fun of you. Penny: Okay. Well, I went to this psychic who told me that if I cut my hair, I'm going to get a national commercial. Leonard (laughing): Seriously? You're getting career advice from a psychic? Howard: Good job not making fun of her. Penny: She's not one of those phonies, okay. She wrote a book and has her own Web site. Leonard: Oh, gee, why didn't you say so? They don't let just anyone have a Web site. Penny: Why are you being such a jerk? Leonard: You're surprised? Your psychic didn't tell you I was going to be a jerk? Penny: Ha-ha, bite me. Leonard: Come on, Penny. Howard: Why don't you kids go ahead and chat? We're gonna make out back here. Bernadette: I'm sliding into third. Scene: The university mixer. Raj: Thanks for coming with me. Sheldon: Thanks for giving me your limited edition Green Lantern lantern. Raj: Did you really have to bring it in with you? Sheldon: What if evil strikes and my power ring runs low? Raj: Come on, let's get a drink. Sheldon: I don't drink. Raj: Yeah, well I do. And when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot. I'll have a screwdriver, please. Don't be chintzy with the screw. Sheldon: I would like a root beer float. Raj: Sheldon, they don't have ice cream. Sheldon: They don't? Well, apparently, these people and I differ greatly on the definition of party. Raj: He'll have a Shirley Temple. Sheldon: And don't be chintzy with the Shirley. Raj: Okay, let's check out the females. Sheldon: All right. There's a female. Raj: That's Professor Wilkinson's wife, she's like 80 years old. Sheldon: But she's female. Isn't that the game? Raj: No. I'm looking for a hookup. Sheldon: Oh, yes. So, the point of this exercise is for you to find someone to copulate with? Raj: Not so loud, but ideally, yes. Thanks. Sheldon: Thank you. And what is my function as wingman? Raj: You help me run my game. Sheldon: Okay. What is your game? Sheldon: When I lie through my teeth to a woman, you nod and agree. Girl: Hey, that's pretty cool. What is it? Sheldon: It's a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with. Girl: You're very funny. I'm Abby. Sheldon: I'm Sheldon. How do you do? Raj: How do you do? Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali. Call me Raj. Abby: Hi, Raj. Where are you from? Raj: The mysterious subcontinent of India. Abby: Ooh, India. Raj: You know India? Abby: I saw Slumdog Millionaire. Raj: Well, I'm a slumdog astrophysicist. Sheldon: I thought your father was a gynaecologist. I'm sorry. (Smiles and nods) Abby: Martha, come here. Meet Raj and Sheldon. This is my friend, Martha. Martha: Hi. Raj: Hello. Sheldon: Hello. Martha: Is that the limited edition Green Lantern lantern? Sheldon: In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Martha: Oh, that is so awesome. Sheldon: Thank you. Have you chosen one to copulate with? Scene: A restaurant. Bernadette: So, what should we talk about? Howard: Well, we could always learn more about why people who believe in psychics are idiots. Leonard? Penny: Oh, we don't need to talk about that anymore. Leonard covered it pretty well in the car. Leonard: I'm sorry, but facts are facts. Penny: Right, and if you can't understand it, it's not a fact. Leonard: No, if it's not a fact, it's not a fact. Penny: Oh, got it. Thank you for educating me. Leonard: You're welcome. How's your fish? Penny: Amazing. Would you like to try some? Leonard: Yeah, sure. Penny: Well, the fact is, you can't. Leonard: Come on, Howard, Bernadette, you're both scientists. Help me out here. Howard: What do you think? Want to jump right into the middle of another couple's argument? Bernadette: No, thank you. Howard: Sorry. Leonard: Maybe we should just stop talking about this. Penny: Maybe some of us should stop talking altogether. Waiter: How is everything tonight? Bernadette: Really uncomfortable. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The stairwell. Leonard: You know, the best thing about being in a committed, monogamous, mutually supportive relationship is that even if you have different ideas, you can have a spirited debate, yet still care for, even make love with... (she shuts the door in his face) Want your fish? (Opens door, takes fish, closes it again) I knew you were going to do that. Doesn't make me psychic! Attaboy, Leonard, make it worse. (Opens his own apartment door to find Sheldon, Raj and the two girls playing Rock Band and performing American Woman) Leonard: What's going on? Sheldon: We scored. I'm the wingman. Scene: Leonard's lab. Howard: Hey. Leonard (handing him protective glasses): Laser. Howard: Had a great night last night. I don't like to kiss and tell, but somebody made it to eighth base. Leonard: What the hell is eighth base? Howard: Seventh base with shirt off. Well, my shirt. How'd things go with Penny? Leonard: Oh, couldn't be better. Howard: Are we taking our relationship frustrations out on innocent Cylons? Leonard: It's not just Cylons. Superman's next. Howard: All right, I was going to try to squeeze in a little more mocking before lunch, but I can come back later when you don't have a high-powered weapon. Leonard: How can I go out with a woman who believes in psychics? Howard: Hey, I once dated a girl who believed she was abducted by aliens. Leonard: And that didn't bother you? Howard: Au contraire. It meant she was gullible and open to a little probing. Leonard: What am I supposed to do, pretend I believe something I don't whenever I'm with Penny? Howard: Hey, I'm sure Penny fakes all kinds of things when she's with you. Leonard: Do me a favour, lean over, put your head right here. Howard: Let me show you another way to look at this. Here we have the universe of all women. These are the ones you want to sleep with. These are the women who believe exactly what you believe. These are the women who would be willing to sleep with you. And right there in the little triple intersection is your ideal mate. Odds are she's a short physicist with low self-esteem who lives in a government research facility in China. Leonard: What's your point? In order to keep having a sexual relationship with Penny, I have to give up everything I believe in, my intellectual integrity, the very nature of who I am? I can't do that, Howard. Howard: I respect that. (Takes Leonard's hand, draws a dot on it.) Leonard: What is that? Howard: Your new girlfriend. Have fun tonight. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is learning Finnish. Sheldon: The dog... koira. The roof... katto. Grapes... ryp leet. (There is a knock on the door) One minute. Sis n. Raj: What was that? Sheldon: It means come in. It's taking forever to load the new operating system on my computer. I disinfected the kitchen and the bathroom, and now I thought I'd learn Finnish. Raj: जो भी तुम्हारे नाव मंगाई. That's Hindi for whatever floats your boat. Uh, listen, I got a text from that girl Abby, and she and her friend Martha want to hang out with us again. What do you say? Sheldon: I don't say anything. I merely offer you a facial expression that suggests you've gone insane. Raj: I don't get it. You had a great time. Sheldon: Yes, exactly, I had a great time. That's done, I've moved on to other things. For example, after I learn Finnish, I'm not going to learn Finnish again. Raj: Please, Sheldon, I'm a lost Indian boy far from home, and I want a girlfriend and I want her to be Abby, and she'll only come over if she can bring Martha. Sheldon: Raj, I highly doubt there is any argument you can make, threat you might levy, rhetorical strategy, plea, invocation, supplication, or... vetoomus that you can employ that would convince me to reconsider. Raj: My Incredible Hulk hands signed by Stan Lee. Sheldon: Oh, my. I've admired these for years. Raj: So does that mean we can go with the girls again? Sheldon: Hulk agree to second date with puny humans! Raj: You can't wear the hands on the date. Sheldon: Hulk sad. Scene: The laundry room. Leonard: Hey. Cleaning out the old dryer lint, huh? Not only is it courteous, it's safety smart. Every year, 15,000 fires are caused by accidental dryer lint ignition. Now you're supposed to say, wow, what an interesting fact. Come here, you crazy, nerdy guy. I could never be mad at you. Penny: Wow, that's all you got after you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wolowitz? Leonard: No, I'm sorry. I really am. It's not right to mock what a person believes in. Penny: Thank you. Would you be willing to go to my psychic and see what it's all about? Leonard: Would you be willing to read a book that concisely explains how all psychics are frauds? Penny: I would not. Leonard: Okay, let's go see your psychic. Penny: Really? Leonard: Well, yeah, one of us has to keep an open mind. Penny: You saying I don't have an open mind? Leonard: No, not at all. Let me help you with this stuff. Penny: You know, I believe in ghosts, too. Leonard: Great. Penny: And astrology. Leonard: I know, and pyramid power and healing crystals. Penny: Oh, no, no, no, crystals don't work. Leonard: Really, that's the line? Psychics are real, but crystals are voodoo? Penny: Oh, voodoo's real. You don't want to mess with voodoo. Scene: The apartment. Martha: Flatland is more than just a mathematical essay. It is also a treatise on Victorian social mores. Sheldon: You know, I had never considered that. Wow, that's going to completely change my visits there. Well, it's late. Martha: Uh-huh. Sheldon: Time for bed. Martha: Okay. Sheldon: Good night, puny human! (He gets up and leaves). Scene: Outside Sheldon's bedroom. Martha: Sheldon? Sheldon: Yes? Martha: Listen, they're kind of getting busy in the living room, and I was wondering if I could hang out in here for a while. Sheldon: Well, I suppose. Come in. I'll sleep in Leonard's room. Good night.
Plan: A: Penny; Q: Who is upset when Leonard derides her for taking advice from a psychic? A: Awkward situations; Q: What happens when Sheldon and Raj date two women? A: Sheldon; Q: Who did Raj bribe to be his wingman? A: a university mixer; Q: Where did Raj and Sheldon meet their dates? Summary: Penny is upset when Leonard derides her for taking advice from a psychic. Awkward situations ensue as Sheldon and Raj date two women they met at a university mixer, Raj having bribed Sheldon to be his wingman.
Act One. A LONG TIME AGO IN A PREP SCHOOL FAR, FAR AWAY... Scene One Many years ago, in a Seattle prep school, a young Niles and a young Frasier are having lunch and a discussion in the school cafeteria. Of course, they were even more snobbish then than they are today. As Frasier eats, Niles carefully wipes his utensils with a napkin. Young Frasier: I specifically requested my macaroni & cheese al denté. Young Niles: I know. This lunch is a culinary Hindenberg. Young Frasier: Niles, have you ever considered that our food may be payback for your recent editoral, "Cafeteria Of Shame"? Young Niles: Well, they can't intimidate me. They'll never silence my pen. I could write an exposé on their baked goods alone. Young Frasier: [knocks bread roll on table before a pun alert:] Yes, this is the hardest roll since Hamlet! Young Niles: Good one, Frasier. May I use it? Young Frasier: But of course. Fade Back to the present day, Niles and Frasier are in Café Nervosa, still whittling on about the food. Niles: These biscotti represent an all-time low. Chalky aftertaste, inelegant aroma, spongy! Frasier: Yes, and what is a spongy biscotti but an unwelcome trespasser into Madeline territory? Niles: Have you seen how stale these pistachios are? It's like swallowing gravel. It's a wonder I escaped permanent injury. Frasier: [sarcastic:] Yes, your ability to cheat death at every turn never ceases to amaze. Niles: Someone's in a mood today. Frasier: Yes, sorry Niles. You know sometimes you just find yourself getting restless? Niles: I'm fearing I'm about to. Niles mobile sounds to which he answers. Niles: [to phone:] Hello. Yes? Really? Bravo! Excellenté! Benissimo! [hangs up:] You'll never guess who that was! Frasier: The Three Tenors? Niles: No, it was my antiques scout. The present I ordered for Maris's birthday has arrived. I got her the most exquisite antique saddle. Frasier: Oh. How's it look on you? Niles: [looks at Frasier:] You won't laugh when you see it. It is bejewelled but not overdone, much like my Maris. The craftsmanship is breathtaking. It's been so expertly restored you can barely see the stitching. Frasier: Again, like Maris! Niles: Someone is in a mood today. [receives bill:] I'll get this. Frasier: Thank you Niles, it's... perhaps you can run along to the wine club on your own tonight. Niles: [surprised:] What? Frasier: Well, it'll just be the same old faces rehashing the same boring topics. Niles: You're more upset than I realised. Let's do something to take your mind off it. Dinner? Chamber music? There's a wonderful lecture series on the histroy of modern lecture series. Frasier: I'm sorry, I don't think so. You know, I just feel like being on my own tonight. You don't mind, do you? Niles: Of course not, I'll just see you at Puchino for lunch tomorrow. Frasier: Well maybe we ought to play that by ear as well. Niles: As you wish. Frasier: You're not upset, are you? Niles: Frasier, I'd have to have a pretty fragile ego to be upset just because you want to take some time away from me. Waiter: Do you want to pay? Niles: Separate checks, please! [turns away from Frasier] Scene Two - Apartment Later, back at Frasier's apartment, Martin's card friends are waiting. There's Roz, Frank, Leo, Jimmy & Duke. Martin's in the kitchen preparing his food. Frasier watches him whilst Daphne does the dishes. Martin: Alright. Here we go: cold cuts, pizza rolls, deviled eggs, pork roll-ups; all right. Frasier: [sarcastic:] Yes, the ideal buffet for a group of heavyset men over sixty! I assume everyone's ready to order. Martin: Well, we're about ready to start our poker game. Daphne: Don't worry Mr. Crane, I'll be on my way in a minute. Martin: OK. Well, we're about ready to start our poker game. Frasier: I heard you, dad. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm going to do with myself this evening. My old routine doesn't seem to satisfy me anymore, I'm trying to think of something new. Oh, I know - maybe I could join you and the guys for some cards, eh? Martin: Oh, I don't know about that, Frasier; I just don't think you'd fit in! Frasier: Why not? Roz is playing! Martin: Roz is like one of the guys. She knows more dirty jokes than Duke! Frasier: Oh, if that's the criteria, I'm sure I could tell you a tale or two which would make you blush like a school girl. Martin: That's what I'm afraid of! Daphne: Oh let him play, it can't hurt anything. Martin: Alright, come on. Martin enters the room with Frasier following carrying the tray. Frasier sits between Roz and Martin. Martin: Guys, Frasier's going to sit in with us tonight. The guys give a polite manly cheer. Roz: Really? You're going to play with us. Frasier: Why not, Roz? Don't look so surprised. 'Sides, there's nothing I enjoy more than a good old-fashioned night with the guys. He sits at the table with them, next to Roz. Frank: OK, get ready, seven buck limit high and low, chips to win, high and low, the wheel is no good. Frasier: Perfect. Leo: No Check in rays? Three buck limit. Frasier: Sounds good. Roz: You're lost, aren't you? Frasier: Like a Bedouin in a sandstorm! Leo: So, you guys got your all-weather tires on ya? Frank: I'm going to Richie's for some bodywork afterwards. Roz: Go to Tim's, you get free a overhaul. Duke: You ever been to Hank's? Now there's a garage. Martin: King bets, fifty cents. Yeah, I've been to Hank's, right next to Mike's Hardware, right? Jimmy: Why I was in Mike's the other day, they got those new cordless drills. Frank: Still go to Mike's? You ought to try Tommy's. They give away free battery testers with every purchase. Frasier: I'm out! Frasier gets away from the non-sensical mayhem to Daphne in the kitchen. Frasier: Well, that was a bust! Daphne: Be glad before the debate begins over who would be the most fun on a desert island - Angie Dickinson or Ursula Andress? Frasier: That's ludicrous... it's Angie Dickinson. Daphne: You know, Dr. Crane, I know it's none of my business but... Oh, never mind. Frasier: No, no, go ahead. Daphne: Perhaps you've been feeling restless lately because of a lack of, well, you know, female companionship. So I thought... Frasier: Oh, dear! Daphne: Just listen. I'm meeting my friend Clare for drinks tonight - she's complained of feeling restless... Frasier: Just stop right there. I think by now you'd know my policy on fix-up's. Daphne: She's pretty, she's lonely and she's an underwear model. Frasier: So you do know my policy. Off we go! Frasier and Daphne leave. SO AUTHENTIC THERE ISN'T AN ICE CUBE IN THE JOINT Scene Three - The Fox & Whistle A few moments later, they arrive at "The Fox & Whistle", a typical English pub. There are English flags around the place and other Anglican items. Daphne: Say hello to the "Fox & Whistle." Frasier: You point her out and I will! [laughs] Winston: [in English accent from behind the bar:] Hi-ay love, give us a kiss! Frasier: Hope he's talking to you. Daphne: [goes forward] Evening, all! Clare, a slender redhead sitting at a table with two men, sees her. Clare: [comes over] Daphne! Daphne: There's Clare now. Frasier: My, she's everything you said she was... Clare: [excited:] I'm engaged! Frasier: And more! Daphne: When did this happen? Clare: Well, my old boyfriend, Bob, surprised me two nights ago. You gotta meet him, he's right over there. Someone who looks utterly different gives a wave. He's sitting next to another man. Clare: He even brought someone you might be interested in. Daphne: Oh, he is nice looking, isn't he? Bob, who is apparently deaf and dumb, slowly mouths, "I LOVE YOU" to Clare while signing the same with his hands. Clare: Coming, pookie. Daphne turns to Frasier for sympathy. Daphne: Oh sorry, Dr. Crane, it seems like I've brought you down here for nothing. Frasier: Oh hardly. If not for you I would have missed seeing the World's Most Nauseating Couple defend their title. A quick shot of Clare and Bob is shown. Daphne: We can leave if you like. Frasier: No, no, you go talk with your friend; I'll have a drink. Daphne: You sure? Frasier: Sure. [turns to bar as Daphne exits] Winston: What d'ya need? Frasier: Well, funny, I've been asking myself that same question all day, it seems that lately my life... Winston: I'll come back. [serves someone else] Scene Four - Apartment Meanwhile, Martin, Roz and the gang are still enjoying their chat over their game of cards. Frank: I forgot that story! Martin: Oh geez, it still doesn't top the time Leo and I were sent to break up that fight in the strip joint. Leo: Oh, boy! Martin: We walked in there and I'm telling you there was this one girl... Frank: Hey Marty, Marty! Maybe you shouldn't tell that story. Martin: What, because of Roz? Roz: Oh please, Frank! If I can handle the Angie/Ursula debate, I think I can handle this! Leo: But you agree with me on that one, right? You said you'd rather sleep with Angie? Roz: One more time Leo. [slowly:] If I had to choose, yes! Martin: Hey Leo, you start telling them that strip joint story; you guy's are going to bust a gut! Anyone else need a beer? All Bar Roz: Yes! Martin: Roz? Roz: Remember? Martin: Oh geez, I'm sorry, I forgot, yeah! [goes to the kitchen] Frank: What's the matter, Roz? You think you won't be able to control yourself with all these handsome guys here? [laughs] Roz: It's a little late for that, Frank. I'm pregnant. Frank: What?! That's great! I remember when my Annie was pregnant. There is nothing more beautiful than a pregnant broad! Leo: You're in for a real treat, Roz. The best thing I ever did was having kids. Duke: You know from the moment you hold that brand new baby in your arms, your whole life changes. Jimmy: You're right about that! Frank: What about when they grab your fingers with those little hands, that's one of the greatest feelings there ever is. Duke: Yeah the joy of seeing them look up at you and smile. Jimmy: Cherish every moment, Roz. Frank: He's right. One minute they're sitting on your lap; you're their whole world. Next thing: they're growing up, out of the door with lives of their own! Leo: And it's just you, old and alone in an empty house. Duke: It's so empty. They all sit in morbid silence, thinking about how bad their lives are and how bad Roz's life will be. Martin enters and is surprised by this lifeless scene. Martin: Leo, I don't think you told that story right! Scene Five - the Pub Meanwhile, in the Ladies room at the "Fox & Whistle", Clare and Daphne are having a little chat. Daphne is carefully brushing out her hair. Clare: I think that Steven likes you! Daphne: I hope so. He's adorable. I must say I was flattered when he assumed I was an underwear model too. Clare: I noticed you didn't rush to correct him. Daphne: There'll be time for that after the wedding! [they laugh] Ah, maybe I should just tell Dr. Crane to run along home. Clare: I'm surprised you even brought your boss down here, I couldn't never relax around mine. What if he took a liking to the place? Daphne: [laughs] Oh that's nothing I have to worry about, this pub really isn't his style! Daphne and Clare leave the ladies to find a big group around the piano singing "Roll Out The Barrel." Frasier is mid-centre. Gang: Zing, boom, tararrel! Ring out a song of good cheer! It's time to roll out the barrel! Coz the gangs all here! Frasier: Daphne, come and sing a song with us! Daphne: Well, actually... Frasier: Oh, you're not shy about singing in the house. Steven: You two live together? Frasier: Yes! She's my dad's health care worker. Steven: [to Daphne:] I thought you modeled underwear! Frasier: No! Only if her robes aren't stitched up tight enough! [laughs] Steven walks away; Daphne shouts after him. Terrence: Come on Frasier, we're going to do "Knees Up Mother Brown". Frasier: I don't know "Knees Up Mother Brown". I know what, let's bring some sheet music tomorrow night. Daphne: Tomorrow?! Frasier: Yes. Daphne: But you can't! I mean... do you know you have that gallery opening tomorrow? Frasier: No, but if you hum a few bars I'll try to pick it up! [laughs] The gang begin singing "Roll Out The Barrel" again as Daphne looks bewildered and angry. The scene freezes at the end of the act with Frasier having fun. This looks similar to the "Cheers" opening credits. End Of Act One. (Time: 9:12) [SCENE_BREAK] Act Two. Scene One - Apartment Martin is on the phone to Sherry, he's ready for some action. Martin: [into phone:] Hey Sherry, Daphne's finally clearing out for the night. Why don't you come over? I'll, er, you know, get a fire going, open a bottle of bubbly, put a little Bobby Darin on the stereo, and then look out, Mackie's back in town! Yes, I thought it up before I called you. What's the difference? OK, see you soon. [Daphne enters] Wow, Daphne, don't you look beautiful. Daphne: Thank you. It's so nice to finally have my pub back again. At least for a night. Martin: Yeah. Daphne: You are sure Dr. Crane has plans? Martin: Oh, yeah, Niles called; they're going to the opera. Daphne: Let's hope it's one of those long German ones - I don't want him showing up for last call! Martin: Right! Martin leaves to his bedroom as Frasier enters. Frasier: Good evening, Daphne. Wow, you look smashing! Daphne: Oh thanks, I'm was just on my way out. Frasier: What, to the "Fox & Whistle"? I'll go with you! Let me just grab me mack and me brolly and Bob's your uncle! Daphne: But wait! I thought you were going to the opera with your brother? Frasier: That's tomorrow night. Gee, I hope Winston's at the pub - I owe him five quid from the other night! Daphne: Suddenly I'm not feeling so well. Frasier: Oh, really? I hope it's not that flu that's going around. Daphne: I think I'll just stay home tonight. Frasier: Yes, yes, that's probably for the best. You've got to be careful what you bring down to the pub with you. Daphne: [trying to drop a hint:] Tell me about it! At that moment Niles enters from the front door. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: Frasier. Frasier: Something the matter? Niles: [pouring a sherry] Oh, I had a rough night last night. Frasier: How so? Niles: Oh, I gave Maris her birthday saddle. She was so thrilled she treated me to a little Lady Godiva impression. Frasier: Oh, my! Niles: Apparently the oils in the saddle reacted badly with her cellulite cream and created a powerful epoxy. Frasier: Oh, dear! Niles: Yes, it took an hour and a full bottle of nail polish remover to get her free. Today her poor little thighs were so sore the only way she could find comfort was to straddle a frozen butterball turkey. The only thing that cheered me up all day was the thought of our box at the opera tonight. Frasier: Well, that's tomorrow night, Niles. Niles: No, no, it's tonight. I have the tickets right here. [waves them] Frasier: Oh, no. Niles: [surprised:] Is there a problem? Frasier: Well yes, there's a billiard tournament at the pub tonight. Niles: You're passing up "Orpheus & Eurydice" to shoot pool at some sticky-bear salon?! Frasier: Yeah well, my partner, Terrence has agreed to skip a family wedding just to participate - I can't leave him in the lurch. Isn't there somebody else who could take my place? Niles: At this point I just so need to be by myself. My brother has abandoned me, my wife is cursing my name. Tonight when Orpheus descends into hell, I'll be there waiting for him with a fruit basket! [exits, Frasier follows] Frasier: Oh, Niles! You can't stay mad at me, I promise I'll make it up to you. Press for the lift, won't you? Don't look at me that way, that's what they call it! Frasier and Niles leave as Martin enters. He dims the lights down and lights a couple of candles as he prances around, excited. Daphne suddenly walks in, in robe, and brings the lights back up. Daphne: Why is it so bloody dark in here? It's bad enough I have to stay home all evening, I'm not going blind as well! Martin: What? You're staying in tonight? Daphne: I don't have much choice, since that son of yours decided to go to my pub again. I mean, imagine being so dense that he can completely ruin someone else's evening and not even be aware of it. This wax is dripping! [blows out candles] Martin: Have you tried maybe dropping a hint? [pops open the champagne loudly] Daphne: Oh believe me, I've dropped plenty; they go right over his head! [notices bubbly:] Oh, I'll have a glass of that! Martin: Daphne, I've got to level with you: Sherry's coming over and I really hoped to have the place to myself tonight. You know, I really think you should talk to Frasier, and I'm not just saying this because I want you to get the hell out of here! It's your pub and you ought to tell him that he's got to find his own place. Daphne: I can't say that! Martin: Well the longer you let it go, the more attached he's going to get to that place. Daphne: But he's my boss. Martin: But it's your pub. Daphne: OK. That's it, I'm going to talk to him. Martin: Good for you. The phone rings as Daphne leaves. Martin answers it. Martin: [to phone:] Hello? No, Maris, sorry, you just missed him. Why are you teeth chattering? You're kidding me. Can't you just use the defroster?! Scene Two - The Pub In "The Fox & Whistle", Frasier is giving his sorrows to Terrence about his billiard playing. Frasier: Gee Terrence, I never dreamed we'd be eliminated from the tournament in the first round. Guess I'm a little rustier than I thought. Hey, maybe you can still make that wedding reception. Terrence: It's in Liverpool! Frasier: Well then, [takes pints] these are on me. Winston notices Daphne and everyone says "hi." This is getting to be quite the cliché by now. Daphne: Dr. Crane, I have to talk to you. Frasier: By all means, Daphne. Oh, Winston, let's have one of these pints for Miss Moon, please. [he hands one over] Oh, this is a really nice surprise, Daphne, you must be feeling better. Here we are. You make a toast. Daphne: I don't want you coming down here ever again! Frasier: Well, I guess "here's mud in your eye" sounded mean the first time too! Daphne: I'm sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but I don't know what else to do. This pub is where I come to get away from things - including my job - and you are my boss... Frasier: Daphne, I'm so sorry. Daphne: I know that must sound selfish. Frasier: No, no, not at all. You know, back in Boston I had a bar like this one, I certainly understand what it's like to have a place where you can get away. So, we've just got one solution: This is your bar, I'll just go. Daphne: I do appreciate this, Dr. Crane. I know you've made friends here too. Frasier: I've only been coming here a week - you've got a history here! Daphne: They've become like family to me. Frasier: Yes, I'll just settle up and go. A man walks in who everybody greets as Freddy. Freddy: Hey, I haven't been gone that long - two months is all. [to Daphne:] Who's this pretty new girl? Winston: Oh, that's Daphne. She's Clare's friend. She's only been coming in the last month or so. Frasier: A month? Daphne: [ignoring:] Hello. Well, I'll see you at home, Dr. Crane. Frasier: You've only been coming down here for a month? Daphne: That's still longer than you! Frasier: Yes, well there's certainly no way I'm leaving now! Daphne: What? Frasier: Daphne, this bar has filled up a void in my life. I'm not just going to throw that away just because you beat me here by a fortnight! Daphne: Stop talking like us! Winston: Here, here, I don't know what you two are arguing about, but we settle things around here with a quick game of cricket. [gives Frasier some darts] Frasier: Darts? Winston: Yeah, rules are on the board. Daphne: There's gotta be a better way than that. Frasier: Oh I don't know. It's decisive, better than standing around here bickering. Daphne: It's not exactly my game. Frasier: Well, it's not mine either. Daphne: Well, alright. Let's try it. Frasier: You shoot first, Daphne. You know, I'm rather proud of us: two people in conflict, we've found a civilised way to settle it. Daphne throws her first dart and Frasier notices what she has done. Frasier: Oh, my! Daphne: Is that good? Frasier: Quite good. Daphne: Lucky shot, then. Daphne throws her last two shots. Frasier: Daphne, If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to hustle me! Daphne: [laughs] Oh, not at all. I may have played a game or two of feathers in my day. Frasier: A game or two? You've just made about the most difficult shot on the board! Daphne: Actually, that's only the second most difficult. Frasier takes his first shot. Daphne: [taken aback] That's the most difficult. Frasier: Come to think of it, there might have been a dart board in that bar in Boston... Scene Three Later, Daphne and Frasier are nearing the end of their game. Daphne: Well look at that, it's all tied up! Frasier: Yes, who would have guessed those hands are so skilled. Certainly no one who's sampled your corned beef hash! [throws shot:] Ha! I score again! Daphne: That's not something we hear out of your mouth very often! Daphne lines up her next shot. Frasier: You don't want to rush this. [Daphne loses her concentration] A lot riding on this shot. [She loses it again] Daphne: There is such a thing as sportsmanship. Frasier: Oh, really? This from a woman who made armpit noises during my last round! Daphne plays a bad shot. Daphne: Sod! Frasier: [sarcastic:] I am so sorry, Daphne! Now all I have to do is make this relatively simple shot - unless of course you'd like to concede defeat. Daphne: [laughs] That's typical American arrogance. We Brits don't know the meaning of the word "defeat!" Frasier: Oh really, then I suppose you're not acquainted with that little spat we refer to as the Revolutionary War! The surrounding Anglicans here his words and begin standing up. Daphne: Oh, just like a Yank! Insulting us Brits to cover up your inferiority complex! Frasier: What exactly should we feel inferior about, your pioneering work in the field of soccer hooliganism?! Daphne: Oh, say your worst. We both know there isn't as much dignity in this entire country as our Queen's got in her little finger. Frasier: [sarcastic:] Oh yes, you've really bested me there, what could be more dignified than a dainty old sandbag who wears a flowerpot on her head! [takes shot] I win! The bar is mine! Frasier turns round and sees everyone looking down on him in a gang. Frasier: Oh, lose the long faces, lads, I'm staying. Oh good Lord, I hope you didn't take those little barbs about the motherland seriously! Terrence: Perhaps you'd better leave now. They march forward as one, pressing him out. Frasier: Oh, Daphne'll tell you there's no greater Anglophile than I. I have all my suits made at Savile Row. I spell "colour" with a "u!" But he's gone. Daphne smiles and takes a stool. Scene Four The next day, in Café Nervosa, Frasier meets Niles after a long time away. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: Well, look who's here. Take a wrong turn on the way to the pub? Frasier: Actually, that scene has grown tiresome, and I... I miss this place. Niles: I've spoken to Daphne. I take it it's over over there. Frasier: You don't have to rub it in. Anyway, I know I owe you an apology for the other night so, here. I've brought you a peace offering. [hands a CD to Niles] Niles: "Orpheus & Eurydice", thank you Frasier. [gasps:] The Glyndeborne production! I don't have this one. Frasier: You're going to love it! The choice is particularly moving, and Janet Baker's Act Three aria is... Now we travel back in time to prep school where a young Frasier is also giving a peace offering to young Niles. Young Frasier: -is quite simply it's the best consecutive aria I've ever heard. Young Niles: Oh thank you, Frasier. I don't have "Orpheus & Eurydice" on 8-track yet! I'm surprised to see you - [sarcastic:] No woodworking club today? Young Frasier: Oh, to tell you the truth, I've grown tired of that crowd, with their stupid bookends and birdhouses. As soon as I've finished slacking my shoe trees I'm out of there. Young Niles: You got thrown out, didn't you? Young Frasier: I did not. Young Niles: Frasier, I can see right through you. Young Frasier: Are you a psychiatrist?! Young Niles: Oh no, I'm not a psychiatrist but I can see it in your face... They begin arguing just as they do in the modern day. End Of Act Two. (Time: 20:00) [SCENE_BREAK] It's Martin's poker night again. Frasier has decided to sit in. Martin leaves to get the beers but Frasier manages to hustle them away to the other side of the room. He gets them on the piano - singing. When Martin comes back he's mad so he sits down and cheats on the poker game.
Plan: A: Frasier; Q: Who is run out of the pub for making anti-British comments? A: Niles; Q: Who does Frasier lose interest in doing things with? A: their wine clubs; Q: What is one thing that Frasier and Niles do together that he is losing interest in? A: Martin's poker game; Q: What does Frasier try to do with Roz, Duke, Frank, Leo, and Jimmy? A: Martin; Q: Who suggests that Daphne tell him about Frasier? A: night; Q: When does Frasier start going to the pub every? A: Duke's rules; Q: What did Frasier not understand about the poker game? A: English; Q: What nationality is the pub that Frasier goes to with Daphne? A: the pub; Q: What does Daphne feel Frasier is invading her turf at? A: a month; Q: How long has Daphne been going to the pub? A: two more weeks; Q: How long has Daphne been going to the pub than Frasier? A: darts; Q: What game do Frasier and Daphne play to see who will be the pub regular? Summary: Frasier is losing interest in everything he and Niles do together, such as their wine clubs. He decides to try other things, such as Martin's poker game that night with Roz, Duke, Frank, Leo, and Jimmy. After giving up due to not understanding Duke's rules, Frasier goes with Daphne to an English pub , The Fox and Whistle. When Frasier starts going to the pub every night, Daphne feels that Frasier is invading her turf. Martin suggests she tell him, but when she does it is revealed Daphne has only been going there a month, just two more weeks than Frasier has. Frasier and Daphne decide to have a game of darts to see who will be the bar regular. Both do well, but Frasier, despite winning, is run out of the pub after making anti-British comments in the heat of battle.
Ryan: [pacing back and forth.] No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no. Pam: Okay fine. Ryan, something the matter? Ryan: Smokey's dead. Pam: Smokey, the bear? Ryan: Smokey Robinson Pam. He died like an hour ago, I guess I'm the first to know. Jim: Wow That's terrible, I really liked him. Ryan: Oh you liked him? That's nice. Did you like when he changed the course of American music like two or three times? Did you like that tracks of my tears is maybe the last true love song ever written? I'm glad you liked him Jim. I am completely devastated right now. Jim: Well, I second that emotion. Ryan: Huh? Nellie: I know a few of his songs, but what were his big ones? Ryan: Oh God, Nellie! What wasn't his? I mean, um, "Tracks of my Tears"? Nellie: Yeah Ryan: Um... God, so many, Nellie! Pam: No, no, no, "Tracks of My Tears" and what else? What are some more? What's one more? Ryan: Okay, I'm not... I'm not playing this game, Pam. Not today. Pam: I don't think you love Smokey Robinson. I think you're just doing all of this to prove how deep you are about music Ryan: Okay, I'm sorry I'm not a fan of Jason Mraz or the Beatles. Dwight: You don't like the Beatles? Ryan: That's... That's not the point! Dwight: Eleanor Rigby? Paperback writer? Ryan: Okay, you know, you always think you have time to see these legends before they go. What was I so busy doing? Oscar: It says here this Smokey Robinson dead thing was a hoax. It's on CNN as of two minutes ago. Ryan: Okay well, that's a relief! Jim: Wow! Look at that! It says he's actually playing State College. That's only three hours away! Pam: Oh my God, Ryan! That's perfect! You have to go! Jim: Tickets are 250 bucks. Pam: 250 dollars is nothing to the world's biggest Smokey Robinson fan. Ryan: Yeah... Who's opening? Jim: Paul Anka. Ryan: Paul Anka?! How can they make the Smoke Man play with someone like that? I don't think I can see this. Jim: Okay, you could just show up late though. Ryan: How much is parking, like 30 bucks? That's not what Smokey would have wanted. Does want. Pam: Tears of a clown! Ryan: Don't call me a clown, Pam. You're better than that! [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Looking good, RC! Robert: Ugh, I hate ties! I feel like I'm being strangled like I'm at some erotic asphyxiation s*x club over on I-84. The red room say? Or Dominick's? Angela: Robert! The senator was going to wear dark brown tonight... I'm sure it will be fine. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: My husband is sponsoring a fundraiser tonight for local dog shelters! Robert California bought two tables for everyone here! These people were lucky to get seats because it is going to be a who's who of the northern 22nd district! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I don't want to alarm people, but there is a distinct chance that we are all about to be killed Jim: Well, as long as you don't want to alarm people... Oscar: What's going on? Dwight: There is a disgruntled ex-employee sitting in his car in the parking lot. Erin: Oh that's Andy. He's just hanging out Dwight: That's how workplace tragedies always begin. A middle aged white male "hanging out". Call the cops! Pam: Dwight, I don't think he's going to hurt anybody. Phyllis: How do you? I mean, why do you think he's there? Dwight: I don't even know what kind of weapon he has. Could be a knife, could be a gun. Could be a series of guns all lined up to shoot parallel. I'm going up to the roof. [Grabs bag.] And I'm gonna bring my gym bag just in case. Nellie: I knew this would happen! Everybody told me if I moved to America, I'd be murdered. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey! Erin: Hey, just wanted to say hi and hear you say everything is normal. Maybe video tape you saying that so that everyone upstairs can see. Angela: We think you might kill Robert. Andy: What? Kevin: because he fired you which means apparently you're living in your car now. Andy: guys, everything is fine! I'm just here to pick up Erin. We're going to the Fundraiser. Pam: Oh, great! That sounds good! Kevin: Wait, what? You're going to the fundraiser tonight? That's going to be weird. Andy: Why would that be weird? Kevin: It's going to be super weird, he just fired you last week. Erin: Andy's just coming as my date. Kevin: Hey, I hear you! I hope you're right. It just seems like it's going to be really, really weird. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: [hears knocks on door.] Come in! Darryl: You really re-did Andy's office, huh? Nellie: Yes, cut out the clutter. Very simple, very minimal. Darryl: I need you to sign these, we got a shipment going out. Nellie: How are things in the warehouse? Darryl: You could go downstairs and ask them? Nellie: The warehouse isn't downstairs? [laughs.] Is it? Is it? Darryl: Who knew, right? Nellie: [speechless.] I... [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Tonight could be the night that Darryl and I go from casual work friends to actual good friends. The only thing standing in our way is the contempt he seems to feel for me. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Robert, the senator and I wanted to stop by and say hello. Andy: Hello! Did anyone order a blast from the past, with a side order of sexy? Kevin: Oh man, this is weird! Robert: Andrew. [Robert extends his hand.] Andy: Oh, Wanna shake my hand, huh? Cause I want to shake your body! [hugs Robert and laughs.] I had you, I had you! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [points back and forth at the multiple cameras] Where do I look? It's been so long since I did one of these things? Okay, alright! What's the question? How am I doing? Umm... Great! [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Creed, I just bid twenty dollars on six Jiu-Jitsu lessons. No one's raping this guy! Creed: Well, I don't want to get raped [picks up clipboard] Twenty-Two! Kevin: No! It was my idea to not be raped! Dwight: [Dwight enters] Wait, you think Jiu-Jitsu classes cost $22 [grabs clipboard.] If you're going to guess the price, you might as well try to be halfway accurate. $180! Kevin: Whoa, Dwight, I don't think you understand. Dwight: You guess the price, you win the prize. Have you never been to a Quaker fair before? God! [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: So Dwight doesn't understand silent auctions. I guess he's the stupid guy in the office, huh? Up till now, we didn't have one! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: What haven't I been doing? Gosh, just today I was working on this rock opera that I'm writing, though it feels more like I'm receiving it than writing it. Jim: Wow, that's exciting! But until you firm up the idea, you might want to keep it between us. Andy: The hero lives in this dystopian future and he flies around in a spaceship that's shaped like a treble clef. And he has to sing his heart out to destroy all evil. Pam: Sounds like you're doing alright. Andy: Ehh, a little better than alright, actually. Really good! [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Oh, this guy is having a breakdown. [SCENE_BREAK] Senator: You know, Oscar, I really had no idea you were so passionate about animals. Oscar: my dog Gerald is my life. Senator: really? Well, if you want to get involved, call me. This is my cell. I'm more likely to pick up night, say after 9... Excuse me. [Walks away.] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: This confirms three things: I'm right about the senator, I still got it, and poor Angela. [SCENE_BREAK] Robert: [telling story to Nellie.] I stepped in right away and start-- Andy: Bobby! Bobbo! You're a rock opera guy, right? You like rock operas? Robert: Well... Andy: You gotta check out this thing I'm working on, it's really cool. There's this character Thomas Oregon, and he wants to destroy all the guitars in the world because he realizes that music is the one thing he can't control. Robert: So, Thomas Oregon is an evil figure? Andy: Evil! [chuckles.] although he's humanized in the end because he weeps uncontrolably and pees in his pants. Robert: and the hero, who's that based on? Andy: Me, I guess. [sings.] We're flying so high, we're crackin' the sky! Gonna fly out of this dome my girlfriend and I! Meredith: Hey jabroni. Show some class. Stanley: She's right, Andy. you're being a jabroni Andy: You're being a Thomas Oregon! Robert: Andrew, I think this may have been a bad idea. Why don't you let me pay for you and Erin to go out to a great romantic dinner tonight? Andy: Don't need you to pay for me. I'm doing just fine, thank you. Why don't you quit harshing our mellow? Robert: Andy you should leave. Now. Andy: [to Waiter.] Excuse me. I would like to purchase two seats at another table, please. Waiter: I'm sorry, the tables are sold as complete units. Andy: then I'll take a table! Waiter: Okay Andy: And a high five! [Raises hand, misses high five with waiter.] Oh, let's do this again! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [waiter is cracking pepper into Andys salad] Oh, yes indeed... When! [Waiter begins walking away.] Whoa, whoa, whoa! You forgot a few salads! [waiter peppers another salad.] When! [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I stumbled into a very dramatic situation. Angelas husband just hit on me! Pam: Oh my god! Oscar: I know! Jim: Wait, what? Come on! Oscar: We were talking about animals, he gives me his cell phone number. He was just dying for me to have it. Jim: Okay, Oscar, I'm not saying you're not dreamy, because you are, but isn't it possible that he was just schmoosing a voter? Oscar: Well, if you would have seen the look he gave me, he wanted to run more than just my vote. Jim: Okay, what was this look? [Oscar does the look.] Pam: Whoa! Jim: What happened, did he do it? Pam: Are you-- Twice! For real? Jim: Okay guys, not every glance means something, alright? Life isn't Downton Abbey. Pam: Life is Downton Abbey. Jim: Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go over there and I'm going to talk to him and I guarantee you he gives out his cell phone to everybody. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on phone.] How much do you guys charge for a one full year gym membership? Thank you! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: It's $475! Like candy from a baby! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey... David Wallace! David: Andy Bernard! Andy: Hey, how are you? David: How you doing, I'm great! How you doing, are you still with Dunder Mifflin? Andy: No, got canned last week. David: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Andy: No, best thing that ever happened to me. David: That's the attitude to have. You know what, when I got canned, I was lost, right? I poured myself into this ridiculous vacuum for toys called Suck-It. Andy: Yikes! David: Yeah, exactly right? Then suddenly out of nowhere, the US military bought the patent from me for twenty million dollars! The point is, forget those guys, k? Move on! Good to see you, Andy! [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Call me a lame man, but I wish there was some real food here. You know, like hamburgers... Or Oreos... Or a pizza pie or, what's another food that we like? Darryl: Tacos. Nellie: What I wouldn't give for a big mess of tacos right now! Darryl: I can go get us some tacos. Nellie: Brilliant! Darryl: If you loan me some money. Nellie: Yes, I can do that. For, um, for two tacos, we'd probably need about what 20... $20? Or $25? $20? Darryl: $30. Nellie: $30, yes! [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: I've never eaten a taco. I'm not entirely sure what they are. As long as they're not slimy, and please god don't let them have eyes! [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [Jim shakes Senators hand, returns to table.] So? Jim: Boom! [hands Oscar a business card.] Oscar: This is interesting. Pam: Hm-hmm. Jim: what is interesting? I just proved that he gives his cell out to everybody. Pam: Or you proved that he thinks you're gay. Oscar: He does not think Jim's gay. A gay man would not leave the house wearing those shoes. Pam: Well, a gay man would not leave the store wearing those shoes! Jim: Oh, hey! you bought me those shoes! [SCENE_BREAK] Speaker: Before we bring out our guest of honor tonight, we are very proud to introduce a great philanthropist and a great guy. Robert California! Robert: Thank you. Why do we love dogs? Want me to tell you why? There is no answer. Our love for them confounds reason! Andy: can you believe this guy? Robert: The state senator, Robert Lipton, loves dogs. he asked me if I loved dogs. you know what I said? Yes! [laughter.] Andy: Not a joke. That was not even a joke. Robert: Bella here was a therapy dog for ten years. when her owner passed away she came to this organization for placement. But people don't often adopt older dogs, so Bella and eleven heroes like her are being cared for by our generous volunteers because frankly nobody else will Andy: I will! I will take all of those dogs! Robert: Andy, that's very kind-- Andy: No, no, no. This guy can talk and talk all he wants, but it's not that complicated. Robert: Andy why don't we discuss this at a-- Andy: No, no, no, it's about being there for someone after it's become inconvenient for them to be around. Hello everyone, I am Andy Bernard and I am going to take that bitch home! That is a female dog reference. [Points at himself] This bitch understands loyalty! Sassy human reference [grabs dog] thank you, I will take Bella and every single one of her friends! Erin: Oh God! Senator: Mr. Bernard, right this way. Andy: Okay! Hope you all learned something! [SCENE_BREAK] Vet: Huey is going to need this medication once every 90 minutes. You can administer it orally, but he's going to puke it up. So, other end is best. Don't split up Daisy and Mojo because daisy will start to, uh... I was going to say bark, but it's more of a scream. Andy: I'm so ready to love all of these animals. This one's even bonding with me already. Vet: Uh, no. Kenny's a therapy dog. He apparently thinks you're in some kind of emotional crisis. Andy: Stupid dog. [SCENE_BREAK] Senator: Well, if you would like to talk about this some more, my office is always open! So here's my office number, and my cell number. Meredith: Thank you! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Well, looks like he really did just want to talk about the issues. i'm Sorry Oscar. Oscar: sorry about what? There's nothing to be sorry about here. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: No. I'm certainly not disappointed that Angelas husband was not hitting on me. I'd have to be a monster to root for that. A lonely, aging monster. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Tacos were on sale, eight for $3! Nellie: Oh, great! Okay, oh... Oh, these tacos! Darryl: Hmhmm. Nellie: Mmm! Uhh [Eats Taco incorrectly.] Mmmm... Oh! Hmmph! [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: She's trying. [SCENE_BREAK] Speaker: The winner of the three day trip to the sky top lodge is Dwight Schrute! Dwight: [applause] Yes! Thank you! Speaker: The yearlong membership to Scraton-Bikram Yoga is Dwight Schrute! Dwight: [applause] Oh yes! Yeah! Speaker: A one hour appointment with the kissing magician goes to Dwight Schrute! Dwight: [applause] Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! Ha, ha! Speaker: Well, I think I can save us some time, Dwight Schrute has won every single item here! Dwight: Thank you very much! All I had to do was look at the prices, idiots! Suck it! Speaker: Well, Dwight, yes! You certainly are a record breaker! Your donation is the largest we've ever received at over 34 thousand dollars! [applause] Jim: Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Dwight: Thank you. Wow, I can't tell you what an honor it is to support this thing... And obviously that amount of money is no concern to me whatsoever. But, I want to ask you something: when did it become all about the money. when did it become about the flower arrangements, and the white wine spritser, hmm? and all the dinner rolls. you people should be ashamed of yourselves! How many courses did we have tonight, two? Three maybe, if you choose the pudding? I mean what waste! these tables tarted up like Victorian whores! lets' remember we are all here for the dog society. He's what's important, whatever his name is. Not any of this. So that is going to be my donation to you. Thank you and good night! [throws microphone and runs away] [SCENE_BREAK] Senator: Oscar! Oscar: Nice to see you again, it was lovely! Senator: It was lovely! And don't forget to call. Oscar: okay Senator: thanks so much for coming [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: why does this always happen to me? Ahh! I just feel so bad for Angela [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [applying diaper to dog.] so it just goes on under here like this? Vet: that's right! Andy: Ugh, oh god! Vet: Yeah, you never get used to that. Jim: Hey, just wanted to check in. See how you are doing. Andy: I am so great! Erin: He's great. we're all great. Twelve dogs. This my life now, I'm a dog nurse. Jim: Look at that one though, he's smiling! Vet: Yeah, he should be! It's his first day without a muzzle. Andy: This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me Pam: Absolutely, it's awesome-- Jim: Yes-- Kevin: I'm sorry, are you guys nuts? He's not doing great! He was fired! This is terrible! This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to you, not the best. Andy: You're right. he's right, I am a mess. This whole night I've been trying to convince you guys that I'm fine. I guess I thought that if I could convince you that I'm fine, maybe-- Vet: Maybe you would think it too! [silence.] I'm sorry, it's just I don't get to be in a lot of human conversations. Jim: Okay well, Andy, listen. It's okay if you don't feel totally settled. This is all very fresh. Pam: Yeah, I mean, admitting you need help is the first step! Andy: Yes! And also, focusing on the positive. Like I got a lot of good things going on! Jim: Yeah! Like that rock opera! You could always do that right? Andy: Yeah, I do. I have that. Jim: Yeah Erin: You're going to be alright Kevin: No. No he's not. Andy: Yes, I am! Thank you, Kev! Kevin: You're welcome! [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Sometimes I feel like every one I work with is an idiot. and by sometimes I mean all times. All the times. Every of the times! [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: So some of us ended up adopting those elderly dogs. It's been great! Darryl: Pepper's been getting me out of the house, going on runs. Kevin: My dog Ruby doesn't do anything, she just lays there all day! She's so chill. Pam: What do you feed her? Kevin: Well I put out Pro Bow-Wow, but she barely touches it. She's so dainty! Darryl: Is she sick? How are her poops? Kevin: Doesn't really poop. It's perfect, nothing to pick up! She just kind of lies there all day like a good girl. I put on the TV for her, but I have to prop her eyes open so she can see it. Pam: Does she smell? Kevin: She smells horrible. It's unbelievable. But I don't want to put her in the bath, because I'm afraid that she'll drown. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: People seem awful interested in you Ruby. Guess they're just jealous, right! [dog licks Kevins face.] Yeah, that a girl, that a girl! Man that stinks!
Plan: A: Newly fired Andy; Q: Who goes to Angela's fundraiser? A: Robert Lipton; Q: Who is Angela's husband? A: Jack Coleman; Q: Who played Robert Lipton? A: 12 dogs; Q: How many dogs does Andy bring back from Angela's fundraiser? A: Dwight; Q: Who wants to win the entire auction? A: money; Q: What do the winners of the auction have to lose? A: Nellie; Q: Who tries to bond with Darryl? A: Darryl; Q: Who teaches Nellie how to eat a taco? Summary: Newly fired Andy goes to a fundraiser held by Angela's husband Robert Lipton ( Jack Coleman ) and returns with 12 dogs. Dwight, who wants to win the entire auction, discovers that the winners must lose money. Nellie tries to bond with Darryl and he teaches her how to properly eat a taco.
(Sydney, wearing a long black wig and black clothes, runs down a hall. Panting. She's being chased by two men.) MAN 1: Arretez! MAN 2: Arretez! (They shout at her in French. Sydney flies behind a corner, flings open a door and runs down a flight of stairs. The men are right on her tail. She runs down a hall, gunshots fly. She dives in an elevator as bullets riddle the insides. The doors close. She hits floor twenty-eight. Men shout in French. Inside the elevator, Sydney slaps a device on the wall of the elevator that makes the video of her in the control room scramble. She stares at the video camera in the upper corner of the elevator for a minute, climbs up to the ceiling of the elevator and pops out. On top of the elevator, Sydney takes out a metal object, clamps it on the cable next to the elevator, jumps across and slides down as the elevator goes up. The elevator dings at floor twenty-eight, with the two men waiting for her to come out... only to find the elevator empty.) (In the basement, Sydney runs. She runs into a guard, beats him. Outside, a stretch limo screeches to a halt. Door opens, Sydney jumps in. As the limo pulls away, we see the Eiffel Tower in the background. Inside the limo, Sydney pants and gives a small box to a large man smoking a cigar across from her.) (Cut to inside a van. Sydney and Vaughn sit at a table. He takes notes.) SYDNEY: That was three years ago when I met him for the first time. Leonard Dreyfus -- he helps bankroll SD-6 operations. This guy is very hands-on. Not just in his business. He's a real slime. He runs a division in Geneva. Go-to guy for transport. He'll get anything, anywhere, fast. Sloane relies on him. He's a big target. VAUGHN: Okay, good, listen-- SYDNEY: Also, there's a crew just outside Memphis. They provide firearms. Custom stuff -- graphite, titanium, plastics. VAUGHN: Memphis? SYDNEY: Memphis, Egypt. (Cut to Memphis, flashback. Inside a warehouse, Sydney and Dixon sit in front of a desk while two men stand behind it.) SYDNEY: (voice over) I know I just started working with you guys at the C.I.A., but listen to me. If we're gonna bring down SD-6, we have to eliminate their source of arms -- Anini Hassan. HASSAN: Three of her majesty's favorites. (He gives a large gun to Dixon; he admires it.) HASSAN: (gestures to other man to get other gun) And now, the new design, as I promised. I named it "Abenni." That's my son's name. It holds twelve rounds and it's semi-automatic. (He tries loading it; looks to man.) HASSAN: What the hell is this? (They begin to speak in Arabic, then shouting. Sydney tries speaking to them in Arabic to calm them down. Dixon looks nervous. Hassan pulls a gun on the guy.) DIXON: NO! (Too late. Hassan shoots his worker a few times in the chest. Sydney turns her head so she won't see. Hassan turns to them; his cheek splattered with the man's blood.) HASSAN: That was -- uh, sorry. I'm sorry you had to see that. SYDNEY: (voice over) That was six months ago. I have friends from the Middle East. Hassan's not one of them. (In the van.) VAUGHN: I don't blame you. Listen-- SYDNEY: There's more. We need to go after a geneticist in Kuala Lumpur. He's involved in-- VAUGHN: Okay, stop. You have to listen to me, okay? SYDNEY: You said you wanted to talk about the plan. I'm giving you the plan. VAUGHN: It's not your job to give me the plan. I'm giving you the plan. Tomorrow's your first day back at SD-6. Now, nothing should change. When you get your assignment, you'll detail your mission on a paper bag. (picks one up, showing her) Bag. Then you'll call this number. (gives her card) Memorize it. After three tones, press the appropriate digit -- one through six. Each corresponds to a trash can in a specific location. Now we'll review your information, create a countermission, and we'll contact you posing as a wrong number. Joey's Pizza. Any questions, so far? SYDNEY: Yeah. Can you show me what a bag looks like again? (Vaughn rolls his eyes.) SYDNEY: Now, you listen to me, Mr. Vaughn. I appreciate what your job is here, even though I think you're a little young to be doing it, to establish a protocol between the C.I.A. and their latest double agent. But I'm not sitting here to pick up the ins and outs of Langley procedure. I am sitting here for one reason only, and that is to destroy SD-6! VAUGHN: Hey!-- SYDNEY: After which I am out! I want no more of this spy crap, that's why I went to you in the first place. So, listen to me and I will hand you, in record time, the people who will render SD-6 useless. VAUGHN: Record time. SYDNEY: Two months. Tops. And then I am out. I walk. (Pause. Vaughn takes a pad of paper and gives it to her.) VAUGHN: Draw me a map. Draw me a map of SD-6 and all it's allies. How far you think it reaches. SYDNEY: Do I look like I'm in Junior High? VAUGHN: (raising voice) Just draw me a SD-6 family tree! SYDNEY: Braces on my teeth... VAUGHN: (overlapping; shouting) How far you think it goes! SYDNEY: ...Headgear? Do you see a retainer?! VAUGHN: Just DO IT! (She stares at him and takes the pen and paper. Within ten seconds, she has a simple map with about a dozen names.) SYDNEY: I don't know what your problem is with me. Maybe it's that I'm a woman, or maybe you just don't like my attitude, or something, and I'm sorry about that. But I really dont feel like wasting time here. Three's only one way we can immobilize SD-6, and that's MY way. So, forgive me for being forthright or... female, but this is how it's gonna be. (He nods slowly, stands and gets a map. He spreads it out in front of them. Hundreds, perhaps a thousand, names are affiliated with SD-6 on the map. Sydney looks amazed at how deep this goes and how little she knew.) VAUGHN: Since I've been at the C.I.A., I've only seen this map grow. This is what you're in the middle of, Sydney. If shutting down the Los Angeles cell was all we were after, we would have raided that office three years ago. This is not about cutting off an arm of the monster. This is about killing the monster. And the work you have ahead of you -- the work your father has been doing -- it's complicated, it's political, and it is long term. (Sydney's shocked.) VAUGHN: (shows card) Here, memorize this. SYDNEY: I did. VAUGHN: Okay. I guess we'll wait to hear from you. (She stands, gets ready to leave.) VAUGHN: Hey, wait. (He gets a bright yellow sticker from the above counter and sticks it on the inside of Sydney's arm. She puts on her bookbag; he smiles.) SYDNEY: Thanks. VAUGHN: You're welcome. (Sydney leaves the van. Outside, we see that the van has "L.A. County Blood Donor Drive" on it. It's parked at the university. A guy walks past Sydney, who still looks stunned.) GUY: Hey, see you in class. SYDNEY: For sure. (She starts walking to her class.) (Francie and Charlie -- Francie's boyfriend -- are helping Sydney move into her new house. Francie unwraps a plate.) FRANCIE: Oh, look. This one's chipped. SYDNEY: Oh, that's okay. Those were my mom's. FRANCIE: Oh. CHARLIE: (entering, carrying a box) Okay, these are heavy. SYDNEY: Oh. (laughs) Put that down right... right here. CHARLIE: No problem. SYDNEY: Thank you. CHARLIE: Como si. (to Francie) I need a massage later. FRANCIE: Okay, good to know. (Will enters with a bag of food.) SYDNEY: Hey, finally. WILL: I know, I'm sorry. Litvack called; I had to rewrite a whole piece in the parking lot. (to Charlie) They didn't have any horseradish. CHARLIE: No, that's cool. SYDNEY: That's annoying. WILL: Yeah, no kidding. There's a woman in Marina Del Ray who's eating newspapers. FRANCIE: She's eating it? WILL: She's pregnant and apparently it's a condition some women get before they-- (motions to stomach) SYDNEY: Eating newspaper's a condition? WILL: Yeah, yeah. This is what I write about. This is how I make a living. And Lintback says my writing's too judgemental and I'm like, "Well, who cares? She's not gonna read it anyway, she's gonna swallow it." (They chuckle.) FRANCIE: Hey, what are you doing on Thursday? WILL: Probably rewriting this piece again. SYDNEY: Charlie got an offer. WILL: Hey, that's great! Where? CHARLIE: Leming Letterman. That's corporate law. Downtown office. WILL: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard of that. FRANCIE: We're doing a dinner thing on Thursday and you are required. WILL: Totally, totally there. Congratulations! (They shake hands. Will pauses and follows Sydney into her bedroom with a sandwich and drink in his hand. She hangs up some clothes.) SYDNEY: Hey. WILL: Do you want your-your food? SYDNEY: Yeah, I just want to get the closets done first so I feel like I live here. WILL: Well, here. (He takes some clothes from a box and helps her hang some up.) SYDNEY: Thanks. (Pause.) WILL: Syd, I'm sorry. I can't take it. SYDNEY: Will, please. Let's not do this again. WILL: C'mon, you know me. You know I can't let this go! SYDNEY: Will, come on! WILL: You took Amy's passport! SYDNEY: I know! WILL: You took her credit card! SYDNEY: I know what happened! WILL: You disappeared! SYDNEY: I know! WILL: Syd, I can't-- (Her pager goes off. Sydney looks at it.) SYDNEY: It's the bank. WILL: What was going on with Danny? Because he must've been in some kind of trouble-- SYDNEY: I need you to do something. WILL: You need me to shut up, I know! SYDNEY: I need you to accept what I've already told you. WILL: You haven't told me anything, you're being so vague! SYDNEY: I lost my mind a little. I started imagining things. WILL: Whatever the hell you're talking about, maybe you're not imagining it. Syd, this is what I do. I might be able to find something that the police overlooked! SYDNEY: Stop it! Please. I'm trying to move on here. I need your help to do that. Okay? (Credit Dauphine. Sydney gets off the elevator, enters the white room. It lights up red. She enters the room, but it's different now. All these people she sees every day, and now she's lying. Marshall comes up to her.) MARSHALL: Oh, hey, Miss Bristow. SYDNEY: Hey, Marshall. MARSHALL: Hey, listen, I don't normally get overly personal. I don't like to cross that line. You probably don't know this about me, but I'm really not much of a social peson. I don't like--I like myself, I mean, I enjoy myself, I just don't feel that kind of pressure when I'm by my--you ever feel that? SYDNEY: You can say anything you want to me. MARSHALL: Okay. I just wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry about your fiance, and it's nice to have you back. SYDNEY: Thanks. (He smiles and walks away.) (Meeting. Dixon, Sloane, Marshall and Sydney sit in the board room.) SLOANE: Let's start with what we know. We've received two pieces of intel. The first is this internal memo from G.R.A. headquarters. It seems that certain files were reported missing last week from the seventh floor of The Aquarium. DIXON: Seventh floor? That's foreign intelligence. SLOANE: And we acquired the second piece. Abul Hassein Navour. Military attache from Sudan whom you'll fondly remember from last year. He's on his way to Moscow to meet these two gentlemen. Kazimits Chebekov and Luri Kapochev. Both ID'd as members of the Russian mafia. We think these are the men who stole the documents because the codes identified that these lost documents pertained to the Soviet-American nuclear arsenal during the Cold War. SYDNEY: Navour's buying twenty year old intel records. Why? SLOANE: That's the part we don't know. So, you are leaving tomorrow morning. (He gives black envelopes to Dixon and Sydney.) SLOANE: Your job is to prevent the transaction and retrieve the stolen files. Marshall, tell us what you got. MARSHALL: (stands) Okay. Who here has trouble falling asleep at night, hmm? (raises hand) No one else does? OKay. Well, anyway, myself, on occasion, I find it difficult to nod off -- mind racing, ideas, et cetera. So, this kind of pertains to the whole sleeping thing. Now, I created this just for Navour. (He puts on really big, black gloves and takes out a blue dot from a container with the help of a pair of pincers.) MARSHALL: Now, you just take this kind of little round thing here. Pretty cool. You just touch it, just with your finger, your hand, you know, just barely touch it and you're knocked out completely. It's like freebasing Thorazine. Boom. Now, you only get two times on this thing. It only works twice, so you don't want to use it three times 'cause... DIXON: Do we need to use those gloves? MARSHALL: Oh, no, we can make a nice ring, or-or perhaps an attractive cuff-cuff link. The reason why I'm wearing the gloves, I accidentally touched this the other day and I fell and kncked my head on the desk and was out cold for twenty minutes. You guys should see this. (He turns to show a Band-Aid that is on his neck. Sydney and Dixon try not to laugh. Sydney, smiling, makes eye contact with Sloane who is staring at her intently.) MARSHALL: That's not, um, I'm trying to be kind of Pavlovian about these puppies. No pun intended. (Outside the board room, Dixon and Sydney walk to their desks.) DIXON: They keep coming back, don't they? SYDNEY: Who? You mean Navour? DIXON: How is that man still able to walk after our apparel? SYDNEY: If it weren't him, it'd be someone else. DIXON: Then let it be someone else. We kill ourselves to do the right thing, meanwhile the bad people keep coming back. (Sydney stares at him.) SLOANE: Sydney, do you have a minute? SYDNEY: Yes, of course. DIXON: I'll be in Tech Ops. (leaves) SLOANE: I know it's gonna take you some time to adjust to being back. I just want to make sure you're all right. SYDNEY: I'm fine. Thanks. SLOANE: Good. I need to show you something. (Sloane opens an office door; Sydney looks surprised.) SLOANE: I'll leave you two alone. (leaves) MR. BRISTOW: It's all right, the room's clean. No one's listening. Hello, Sydney. SYDNEY: What is this? MR. BRISTOW: I'm here to tell you what you already know. That I work for SD-6, or so they think. I asked Sloane to do this. SYDNEY: Why? MR. BRISTOW: Because it'll facilitate what we're doing if they know that you know. It wouldn't hurt if you acted surprised when you left the office. SYDNEY: Since I've known the truth about you, I've asked myself questions. Thousands of questions. But this one I have to ask you now. When Danny was killed... Dad... did you know? Did you know that's what they ewre going to do? MR. BRISTOW: Yes. (She slaps him.) SYDNEY: Don't you ever speak to me again. (She leaves.) (In a mall food court, Sydney writes on a paper bag.) SYDNEY: (voice over) Abul Hassein Navour is attempting to purchase files stolen from the Russian government. Sloane is sending us to Moscow to prevent Navour from getting the files. (Cut to a phone booth. Sydney presses a button and hangs up.) SYDNEY: (V.O.) Dixon will impersoonate Navour. My job is to break into Navour's hotel room and take the money for the buy. So, what's next? (Sydney walks by a garbage bag and throws the crumpled up bag in the can.) (In Sydney's new place, she unpacks a box and stacks books on a shelf. She takes out a framed picture and smiles. The phone rings. She puts the picture on the shelf -- it's of her and Danny, both are smiling.) SYDNEY: Hello? VOICE: Joey's Pizza? SYDNEY: I'm sorry. You've got the wrong number. (Convenience store. Sydney enters, wrapping her cardigan sweater tighter around her body. Vaughn stands nearby, looking at cereal. She goes behind him and opens the cooler door, looking at a bottle of V8 Splash.) SYDNEY: It's me. VAUGHN: How you doing? SYDNEY: How I'm doing? I'd say things have been better. I'm working with friends who have no idea who they're really working for. VAUGHN: I heard Sloane had you meet your father. SYDNEY: Yes, he did. So, what's my counter-mission? VAUGHN: Navour's been on our short list for the past six months. In August, he attempted to purchase a nuke from Libya. SYDNEY: You already knew about Moscow? VAUGHN: No, we didn't. So, thank you for that. (Sydney closes the cooler door and moves beside him in the cereal aisle.) SYDNEY: Don't mention it. (shivers) That was cold. So, what's my move? VAUGHN: Carry out your assignment. Get the documents. When you get back, make sure YOU are holding the stolen files. We'll execute two brush passes at the airport terminal. (He gets a slushie.) VAUGHN: First, one will take place at the gate. We'll intercept the materials and make a duplicate copy and then return them to you in a second pass to be executed at the airport curb. SYDNEY: That's it? VAUGHN: That's it. Want a Slusho? SYDNEY: No, thank you. VAUGHN: They're delicious. SYDNEY: No, thanks. I said I was cold. VAUGHN: (looks at her) Good luck. (Newspaper office. Will is at his desk, on the phone.) WILL: I can imagine, that must've been devastating. Did he say anything to you after he drove over your cat? (A pretty girl, Jenny, stands at his desk and smiles. He looks at her in recognition.) WILL: Uh huh. Did he ever make any threats to you, or your cat? Sure. No, I--okay. You have my number at the paper. All right. Bye-bye. (hangs up) A man ran over his cat. JENNY: I understand. WILL: We're in a world where people drive over people's cats. JENNY: You didn't answer my question. WILL: Which-which one? JENNY: What are you doing for dinner? WILL: Jenny, you're nineteen years old. JENNY: I'm twenty. You know I turned twenty-- WILL: We're not having this conversation. I'm ancient compared to you. Look. Look at me. Look how red my eyes are. JENNY: (smiles) You don't look too bad. WILL: Do me a favor. Can you pull me that file on Daniel Hecht? JENNY: What, that murder? Your friend? WILL: Yeah. Do you mind? JENNY: No, no. WILL: Thanks. (She starts to walk away, turns.) JENNY: You don't take me seriously, do you? WILL: No, I don't. JENNY: Hmm. (Moscow. In a hotel lobby, Sydney walks in wearing a long blonde wig that's braided. She wears glasses and speaks to Dixon who stands near the counter via an earpiece.) SYDNEY: Dixon, do yo copy? DIXON: Wow. That's loud. SYDNEY: (walking to elevator) You told Marshall you wanted it louder. I was there. DIXON: Okay. My headache and I are 1017. SYDNEY: (in elevator) Break a leg. DIXON: You, too. (Upstairs, the elevator dings and Sydney gets off. She wears a maid's uniform and carries towels.) (At a bar, Dixon -- impersonating Navour -- looks around.) SYDNEY: I'm on fifteen. DIXON: Get the cash quickly. [SCENE_BREAK] (Upstairs, outside the hotel room.) SYDNEY: That is the plan. (She knocks. A man inside speaks Russian, she speaks Russian back. He opens the door and lets her in.) (At the bar, Dixon walks around and sees two Russians. They wave at him.) DIXON: Chebekov and Kapochev just showed up. (Upstairs, in the hotel room. Men speak Russian.) DIXON: Stand by on the call. (Sydney makes the bed. The men leave. She goes to the suitcase, removes the case on her ring to show the blue sleeping dot. She turns the ring so it's on the inside of her hand. She goes to the bodyguard who is sitting down and shakes his hand, speaking Russian. He knocks out immediately.) SYDNEY: Wow. Bodyguard's out. Navour's in the shower, I'm going in for the money. (Downstairs at the bar. The men wave at Dixon.) DIXON: Move fast. They spotted me. (Upstairs, Sydney takes off her glasses and uses the arms as a lock picking device. She starts on the suitcase.) (Downstairs at the bar.) KAPOCHEV: Are you my Sundanese friend? DIXON: Uh, Mr. Chebekov? (shakes hand) KAPOCHEV: Kapochev. I am the handsome one. (They chuckle.) CHEBEKOV: No protection with you? DIXON: Why, should I not feel safe here? KAPOCHEV: Here, here you feel very safe, yes. (They get a table.) (Upstairs, Sydney picks the lock. An elevator dings. A man gets off and walks to Sydney's room.) (At the club.) KAPOCHEV: I know the guy who owns this club. (gestures to Chebekov) He thinks I brag too much. It's true, I do... I brag too much. (They chuckle. Dixon takes a drink.) (The man from the hallway speaks Russian; Sydney keeps picking the lock.) (At the bar.) KAPOCHEV: That's the problem with Sudan. There's no place for fun. DIXON: It's a nice change, being out of the Sudan. CHEBEKOV: I thought you said you travel often. DIXON: Yes. Not often enough. (laughs) CHEBEKOV: So, I can see you don't have the money with you, is that correct? DIXON: No, not at the moment. But the money's very close. (The man from the hallway walks in, sees Sydney at the briefcase. He shouts in Russian, pulls a gun. She throws the suitcase at him, the money empties across the floor. She punches and kicks him. He throws her across the room, twice, the second time she lands on top of a dresser. On her back, she kicks him hard. Pushes himm. Kicks him. Elbows him in the head. Navour comes out of the shower, she puts him to sleep while speaking Russian with her ring. She turns and sees the money -- all blank sheets spread out on the floor.) SYDNEY: (to Dixon) I got bad news. This wasn't a buy. This was a hold-up. They were going to steal the files. There's no money here. (Bar.) DIXON: Fantastic! CHEBEKOV: What? DIXON: ...Vodka. (downs it) (In the hotel room, she takes out her braid and rips off the maid uniform. Underneath, is a light blue latex dress. She goes to a mirror and applies dark red lipstick.) SYDNEY: Dixon, don't panic. I'll be there in two minutes. (In his office, Vaughn twirls a half dollar coin between his fingers, looking worried and impatient. Agent Weiss walks in. Vaughn sighs.) WEISS: Any word from her yet? VAUGHN: No. I don't expect to hear anything 'til she gets back. (Beat.) WEISS: Your girlfriend's name is Alice, right? VAUGHN: Would you shut up? WEISS: I'm just checking to see-- VAUGHN: (good-naturedly) Get out of my office! (At the bar, Sydney enters wearing her blue dress.) SYDNEY: I'm in the bar. I can see you. (The Russians give Dixon an envelope.) SYDNEY: Are those the files? If they are, cough. (He coughs.) SYDNEY: Are they documents? Are they on disk? (He coughs.) SYDNEY: How many? (He puts two fingers up against his cheek, pretending to think.) SYDNEY: Get ready to make the switch. (She walks to a table and takes some playing cards. She smiles at a man sitting there, takes his drink from him. She starts to walk over to the table.) KAPOCHEV: Just like a drug deal. Would you like to taste the coke? (Sydney walks over, holding the drink.) DIXON: How do I know you haven't made copies? CHEBEKOV: Those disks are encrypted. (Sydney pretends to fall and spills her drink. The Russians stand, she makes the switch. She apologizes to the men in Russian and walks away with the disk.) CHEBEKOV: Okay, enough! Now where's the money? DIXON: You'll stay here. I'll go get it. (gets up) KAPOCHEV: Sounds good. (Dixon stands, Chebekov stands and points a gun at his stomach.) CHEBEKOV: At first, I thought maybe Navour sent you. But now I don't even think that. (Sydney, walking away, looks over her shoulder to see the gun stuck in Dixon's chest. She walks over to help. She kicks the chair that Kapochev's sitting on, he falls. Dixon beats Chebekov up, elbowing him on the back. She beats up the other guy. Kicks him several times.) (Los Angeles. At the gate, Sydney walks with Dixon behind her. Vaughn, posing as a janitor, walks by Sydney. She drops the disk into his tray of cleaning supplies. Continuing on, he goes into a room filled with C.I.A. agents, strips off the uniform and gives the disk to an agent sitting at a computer.) VAUGHN: Okay! We got two three-and-a-halfers here. We gotta move fast! AGENT: Let's use the third and fourth copies. Take about ninety seconds. VAUGHN: They're moving into customs, we're talking seconds, not minutes! AGENT: I hope they're not corrupted. (Sydney and Dixon walk through customs. She looks around nervously.) (In the C.I.A. room.) VAUGHN: They're moving to the main terminal! How long is this gonna take?! AGENT: Relax! We know these disks aren't normal, we're moving as fast as we can! (Outside, Dixon and Sydney get to a black car waiting for them at the curb. She looks around for Vaughn. The dirver puts their bags in the trunk.) (C.I.A. room, mass hysteria. People talk over reach other.) AGENT: Let me see that data as soon as it comes up! I'm not seeing it! I'm not seeing it! (At the curb. Sydney looks for Vaughn.) (In the room.) AGENT: Get me the other one! I'm not seeing it! (At the curb, Vaughn comes out. She stares at him. He walks quickly to her, almost jogging. Drops the disk in her bag as Dixon moves to let her in the car.) (Sydney's new home. She rushes in, moves to her bedroom, opens a drawer and takes out her engagement ring from Danny. She puts it on her finger and sighs. Later, Sydney sits in a bathtub, staring at the ring. She's on the verge of tears.) (Restaurant. Francie, Charlie, Will and another girl -- possibly Will's date? -- sit together at a table.) FRANCIE: So, he says to me, "Hey, honey? I asked for butter, like, an hour ago." And I'm sitting there thinking, "Uh, no, you asked the other black girl for buter, you rich entitled son of a bitch." GIRL: Some people go out to eat -- and this is just my theory -- in order to abuse waiters. FRANCIE: No question. GIRL: Creepy, isn't it? There are some bad people in this world. (Sydney enters carrying a bottle of wine. She puts it in front of Charlie.) SYDNEY: Hello! FRANCIE: Hey. SYDNEY: Sorry I'm late. This is for the offer, and for helping me move. CHARLIE: Thank you. Wow. Look at this. FRANCIE: Well, now we'll have something to drink when you guys come over. WILL: (to Sydney) Hey, can I talk to you for a second? SYDNEY: Sure. I'll be right back. (Will gets up and they leave for privacy.) (Near the bar...) SYDNEY: What's going on? WILL: We've known each other for three years. Just confirm that. SYDNEY: Yes. Three years. WILL: But it feels like a lot longer than that, right? I mean, we know each other pretty well. SYDNEY: Yeah, we do. WILL: And you know I would never do anything to hurt you and you know I'm a curious guy. SYDNEY: Will, what did you do? WILL: You never gave me any information on Danny-- SYDNEY: Oh, God, Will... WILL: So, I looked around a bit and I found out one piece of information which you might not know but maybe you do. SYDNEY: What? WILL: The night Danny was killed, did you know he was booked on a flight from L.A.X. to Singapore? (Sydney furrows her bow, confused, then recovers.) SYDNEY: Yeah. I know that. WILL: You did? You knew that? SYDNEY: Danny had a conference. A medical conference. He wanted me to fly out and meet him afterwards. Have a week in Bali. (starts to fake cry) I spend all day, every day, trying not to see him the way I found him. And I know you mean well, and I love you for that, but please, please, let this go. Please. (Will has tears in his eyes.) WILL: Syd, I'm sorry-- SYDNEY: It's okay. WILL: I get it. I won't bring it up again. SYDNEY: Okay. I just need a minute. WILL: (crying) Syd, I feel horrible. SYDNEY: I'm okay. I swear to God. I'm okay. I'll be right there, okay? WILL: (sniffles) Okay. (He leaves her. Sydney recovers and stares ahead, having no idea about the ticket.) (Sloane's office at SD-6.) SLOANE: Doomsday Six. That's the name of the operation. It seems that during the Cold War, six fully armed nuclear weapons were smuggled into and buried within the United States. December '89 that information was disclosed to the U.S. government. Needless to say, the bombs were quickly recovered and disarmed. SYDNEY: And that was the information on those disks. SLOANE: No. They realized a seventh nuke buried still right now somewhere in the United States. SYDNEY: Where? SLOANE: We don't know yet. Those disks were encoded with a sectional encryption. Analysis is still working on it. This is what we got so far. SYDNEY: (reads) "Milovich Ivanov. Buckingham, Virginia." Who's he? SLOANE: We assume he's the man Navour was looking for. We have no file on him. SYDNEY: You think he's babysitting the nuke. SLOANE: Yes. I do. I want you to go to that address, report back on Ivanov any aliases, where he lives, where he works, the type of coffee he drinks. The whole deal. SYDNEY: Thanks. (She leaves.) (Vaughn's office. The phone rings.) VAUGHN: Yeah? SYDNEY: I'm going to see Ivanov. VAUGHN: Who? (She hangs up.) VAUGHN: Sydney! Sydney! (Later, Vaughn and his boss walk to Vaughn's office.) BOSS: We have a name, and an address. We are not gonna sit on our hands here! VAUGHN: Sir, I know, I understand that but we cannot move on that information! BOSS: We can and we will! VAUGHN: Then we are risking Sydney Bristow's placement in SD-6 and perhaps her life! BOSS: That maybe the case and yes, we might lose a double in the process-- VAUGHN: Sir, she's going to see him! She's on her way! BOSS: We are talking about a nuclear weapon here. What do you expect me to do? Wait until Bristow contacts us? VAUGHN: Read her file, sir! Have you read her file? BOSS: Bristow's-- VAUGHN: Do it! Then you will learn what I have! She's an asset! She's doing our work! BOSS: She was supposed to contact you, and-- VAUGHN: There was a good reason she couldn't! She is on her way to Virginia right now. If we send a team, we risk blowing her cover! We cannot afford to do that! Read her file! BOSS: I've read it! What do you want? VAUGHN: Five hours. Give her five hours. BOSS: Five hours. VAUGHN: Thank you. (Boss leaves. Weiss, from the adjoining office, comes in, having overheard everything.) WEISS: Whooo. Impressive. VAUGHN: (scoffs) Yeah. WEISS: Balls of steel! (Vaughn laughs.) WEISS: No, that's what I'm gonna call you from now on. (to agent walking by) Hey. Have you met Balls of Steel? (Virginia. Sydney drives up in a car. She looks at the address -- 1936 Lake Road. She verifies it in her notepad. The address is a cemetary. Curious, she walks around in between the tombstones and notices a grave that has dead grass on it. She inches closer. Milovich Ivanov 1927-1974.) (Shed. Sydney kicks down the door and grabs a shovel. Hours later, Sydney's digging the grave. She hits something and brushes away the ground on a coffin. She opens the lid. The nuclear bomb, wired to the lid, activates and starts ticking. She has two minutes left.) (Later, Sydney is on her cell phone talking to Marshall.) SYDNEY: We've got a red wire, a yellow, a blue, a blue-white! There's a white wire, a yellow-red, and orange-red. A black, a white-black, an orange, a purple, a purple-white, a green, a green-white, red-white, green, blue, a light blue-- MARSHALL: Okay! Okay! Cut the blue-white wire! SYDNEY: Okay, cutting the blue-white wire! MARSHALL: Oh, hold the phone! (fumbles with sheets) SYDNEY: DON'T TELL ME TO HOLD THE PHONE! I'M SITTING ON A TICKING NUCLEAR BOMB! MARSHALL: Are there two timer panels, or one? SYDNEY: Just--I only see one! MARSHALL: All right! Try the blue wire! SYDNEY: "TRY IT"?! MARSHALL: No, cut it! Cut it! SYDNEY: Okay! (She does. The timer stops at eleven seconds left. She cries out, sighs and drops the phone.) MARSHALL: Hello? (Inside the van.) VAUGHN: You called SD-6 instead of the C.I.A.! That is unacceptable! You should've called me! SYDNEY: YOU! What would you have done? VAUGHN: The C.I.A., Sydney! You know it has access to nuclear sciences! SYDNEY: Give me a break, I had two minutes! VAUGHN: And going to Virginia without contacting us?! SYDNEY: I DID contact you! VAUGHN: You are over-eager, you are being irresponsible! SYDNEY: You know what? Yes, SD-6 happens to have a nuclear weapon and yes, that happens to be my fault. After I called Marshall, SD-6 knew I'd found the bomb, but you know what? We're going to track it and steal it back! VAUGHN: It's in Cairo. SYDNEY: What? VAUGHN: When SD-6 picked up our nuke, they put it on a plane bound for Egypt. And are you ready for this? They sold the thing to Anini Hassan. (They sit down.) SYDNEY: Hassan... VAUGHN: Yeah. Reflected on both our records, FYI. (She looks at him.) VAUGHN: What? SYDNEY: I told you I've been there. Hassan's. I can go back. VAUGHN: No. Can't do it. SYDNEY: Why not?! VAUGHN: Hassan knows you. If you're spotted, it'll get back to Sloane. SYDNEY: Then we'll just have to make sure they never see me. (Middle of nowhere. Sydney's father drives up.) SYDNEY: Thanks for meeting me here. I'm sorry about hitting you. MR. BRISTOW: You're going to Cairo. Devlin told me. SYDNEY: Yeah, that's why I had them call you. I need your help. SD-6 can't know that's where I'm going. MR. BRISTOW: I'll take care of it. SYDNEY: Dad... it was you, wasn't it? Who bought the ticket to Singapore? MR. BRISTOW: You were in Taipei. I had arranged a flight for you as well, from Singapore. You cold have gone anywhere. I went to Danny's apartment except it was too late. Just minutes too late. SYDNEY: Thank you. I have to go, obviously. (smiles) (Sydney drives off.) (Vaughn's office. He talks to a secretary.) VAUGHN: Tell Weiss I'm in operations and if Alice calls, just-- (Boss stands in the doorway.) BOSS: I need you. VAUGHN: Yeah, I know. (to secretary) Just call me if there's anything. (to Boss) Let me just say this, about Bristow-- BOSS: Don't bother. Don't apologize. You're not in any trouble. Virginia was my call. VAUGHN: She's intimately familiar with Hassan's base, she's going to get in, disable the weappon. We are all over it. BOSS: Well, you don't have to be. That's what I'm here to tell you. You're being pulled off the Bristow case. VAUGHN: What? Why? BOSS: Devlin wants a more senior officer. Apparently you were right; this girl is pretty important to us. VAUGHN: Yeah, I know... BOSS: He wants you to oversee the office presentation at the D.C.I. non-proliferation meeting, which under the circumstances is pretty ironic. (Sloane's office. Telephone rings.) SLOANE: Yeah. Yeah. Send him in. (He walks to the door.) MR. BRISTOW: You hear from Sydney? SLOANE: Yeah. What's wrong with her? MR. BRISTOW: She went up north. I think she just needed to get away. SLOANE: Is she okay? MR. BRISTOW: She will be. I think it's hard for her, that's all. Accepting the news about what I do. (Pause.) SLOANE: Are you all right? MR. BRISTOW: Yeah, of course. Why? SLOANE: I don't know. You seem a little... MR. BRISTOW: What? SLOANE: Nothing, nothing. MR. BRISTOW: I'll see you tomorrow. SLOANE: Yeah, okay. (He closes the door.) (Cairo. Sydney peers down the hall, wearing a black burnoose. She talks to the C.I.A. operative over an earpiece.) SYDNEY: I'm in. (Sydney takes down a guard in the hallway. Throws him to the ground. Another one comes out of a room. She elbows him in the stomach with the gun, throws him back in the room and tosses the gun in there. She enters a bigger storage room and eyes a rectangular box.) SYDNEY: I think I found it. OPERATIVE: Copy. (She opens the lid. It's a nuke.) SYDNEY: Yeah, I found it. OPERATIVE: Copy. Commence disabling. (Sydney unzips a package of tools and a diagram; unscrews timer panel.) SYDNEY: I've got it open. I'm going in for the core. OPERATIVE: Copy. Radio silence until task complete. SYDNEY: (unscrewing it) Listen, I know we just met on the flight over, but do you have to talk like such a robotron? OPERATIVE: Radio silence requested. SYDNEY: I guess you do. (She opens the casing and takes out a gold ball -- the core. A gun is pointed at her head. Her eyes glance tpo the right... it's Hassan.)
Plan: A: Sydney; Q: Who is assigned to travel to Moscow to retrieve some stolen files? A: a double agent; Q: What is Sydney's new job title? A: Marcus Dixon; Q: Who is Sydney assigned to travel to Moscow with? A: a nuclear weapon; Q: What does Sydney accidentally give SD-6 access to? A: Cairo; Q: Where does Sydney have to travel to fix the nuclear weapon? A: a deadly foe; Q: What does Sydney have to face in Cairo? A: Will Tippin; Q: Who is Sydney's close friend? A: a journalist; Q: What is Will Tippin's profession? A: the circumstances; Q: What does Will Tippin question about Danny's death? A: weird details; Q: What does Will Tippin discover about Danny's death? A: the night; Q: What time of day did Will Tippin discover that Danny was murdered? A: Singapore; Q: Where was Danny's flight booked to? A: terms; Q: What does Sydney still have trouble coming to with her father's insincerity? A: a certain extent; Q: How much does Sydney reconcile with her father? A: plane tickets; Q: What did Sydney's father buy for Daniel and her? Summary: Sydney returns to SD-6 as a double agent and is assigned with Marcus Dixon to travel to Moscow to retrieve some stolen files. In the process, however, she inadvertently gives SD-6 access to a nuclear weapon, which makes her travel to Cairo and face a deadly foe in order to fix things. Meanwhile, Will Tippin (a journalist and a close friend) driven by pity and a secret devotion for her, begins to question the circumstances surrounding Danny's death. He discovers weird details about the night of the murder, one being that someone had tried to help him escape by booking him a flight to Singapore. Sydney, who still can't come to terms with her father's insincerity, reconciles with him to a certain extent when she discovers he was the one who bought plane tickets for Daniel and her.
EXT. THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES The view of a starry night sky drifts down to that of a lavish estate,the Palace of Versailles. INT. BALLROOM Inside are a crowd of panicked 18th century French aristocrats, dressed for a masked ball. They are screaming and running away from the sound of whirring and ominous shadows on the wall. INT. REINETTE'S BEDROOM We focus momentarily on a mantelpiece clock, the face smashed, as the King's voice is heard. He walks into a bedroom, where Reinette is standing and staring at the fireplace. KING LOUIS XV: We are under attack! There are creatures... I don't even think they're human. We can't stop them. REINETTE: The clock is broken. He's coming. The King moves towards her, concerned that she is still looking at the fireplace and not trying to flee. KING LOUIS XV: Did you hear what I said? He takes her hand, pulling her away from the fireplace. She stops and looks insistently at him. REINETTE: Listen to me. There is a man coming to Versailles. He has watched over me my whole life and he will not desert me tonight. KING LOUIS XV: What are you talking about? What man? REINETTE: The only man, save you, I have ever loved. (Continues quickly, before the King can interrupt). No, don't look like that, there's no time. You have your duties. I am your mistress. Go to your queen. (Goes back to the fireplace, this time crouching down and speaking into the flames with a sense of urgency). Are you there? Can you hear me? I need you now, you promised. The clock on the mantel is broken. It is time. Doctor! Doctor! OPENING CREDITS EXT. SPACE 3000 years later. A starry sky. The view moves upwards to reveal a stationary spaceship. The TARDIS can be heard materialising inside. INT. SPACESHIP The Doctor emerges from the TARDIS, closely followed by Rose and Mickey. All three proceed to look around a dark, apparently disused room of the spaceship. MICKEY (excitedly): It's a spaceship! Brilliant, I got a spaceship on my first go! ROSE (surprised): Looks kind of abandoned... Anyone on board? THE DOCTOR: Nah, nothing here. Well! Nothing dangerous. Well! Not that dangerous. (pauses). You know what, I'll just have a quick scan... in case there's anything dangerous. Rose smirks as he walks over to a control panel in the centre of the room and starts tapping at some buttons. ROSE: So, what's the date? How far we gone? THE DOCTOR: About three thousand years into your future, give or take. He pulls on a switch and the lights turn on, the roof gradually opening into a window which shows a spectacular view of the stars outside. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Fifty-first century. Diagmar Cluster, you're a long way from home, Mickey! Two and a half galaxies! Mickey has moved to a porthole, gazing out in awe. Rose walks over and places her hands on his shoulders, smiling, as the Doctor rummages around the control panel, picking up bits and pieces of presumably broken technology and looking unimpressed. ROSE: Mickey Smith meet the universe. See anything you like? MICKEY (amazed): It's so realistic! THE DOCTOR: Dear me, had some cowboys in here! Got a ton of repair work going on. He chucks the pieces down casually, noticing a screen with a diagram of the spaceship on it. Rose and Mickey join him to look at it. THE DOCTOR (with growing surprise and curiosity): Now that's odd, look at that. All the warp engines are going... full capacity! There's enough power running through this ship to punch a hole in the universe... and we're not moving. So where's all that power going? ROSE: Where'd all the crew go? The Doctor leans forward and tweaks some knobs on the control panel. THE DOCTOR: Good question, no life readings on board. ROSE: Well, we're in deep space; they didn't just nip out for a quick fag. THE DOCTOR (taking her seriously): Nope, checked all the smoking pods. There is a pause as all three gaze around and the Doctor sniffs. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Can you smell that? ROSE: Yeah, someone's cooking. MICKEY: Sunday roast, definitely! The Doctor presses something else and a door opens behind them. They walk through and see part of the wall and floor with 18th decor, as well as a familiar looking lit fireplace. THE DOCTOR: Well, there's something you don't see in your average spaceship. Eighteenth century! French! Nice mantel. (Pulls out the sonic screwdriver and points it at the fireplace). Not a hologram. He bends down and examines it closely while Mickey and Rose explore the rest of the room. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Not even a reproduction, this actually is an eighteenth century French fireplace. Double-sided, there's another room through there. Rose is looking through another porthole on the same wall as the fireplace, and we can see quite clearly that there is only the rest of space outside. ROSE (disbelievingly): There can't be, that's the outer hull of the ship, look. The Doctor suddenly crouches down, looking through the fire into the other room. A young girl with long blonde hair, dressed in a nightgown, is looking back at him. THE DOCTOR: Hello! YOUNG REINETTE: Hello... THE DOCTOR: What's your name? YOUNG REINETTE: Reinette. THE DOCTOR (encouragingly): Reinette, that's a lovely name. Can you tell me where you are at the moment, Reinette? YOUNG REINETTE (slightly suspiciously): In my bedroom. THE DOCTOR: And where's your bedroom? Where do you live, Reinette? YOUNG REINETTE: Paris, of course! THE DOCTOR: Paris, right! YOUNG REINETTE: Monsieur, what are you doing in my fireplace? THE DOCTOR: Oh, it's just a routine... fire check. Can you tell me what year it is? YOUNG REINETTE: Of course I can! Seventeen hundred and twenty seven. THE DOCTOR: Right, lovely! One of my favourites... August is rubbish though. Stay indoors. Okay, that's all for now. Thanks for your help. Hope you enjoy the rest of the fire. Nice night! YOUNG REINETTE: Goodnight Monsieur. The Doctor stands, looking thoughtful. MICKEY: You said this was the fifty-first century. THE DOCTOR: I also said this ship was generating enough power to punch a hole in the universe. I think we just found the hole. Must be a spatio-temporal hyperlink. MICKEY: What's that? THE DOCTOR: No idea. Just made it up. Didn't wanna say "magic door". ROSE: And on the other side of the (deep voice) "magic door" (normal voice) is France in 1727? The Doctor nods and looks back at the fireplace before walking across the room, taking his coat off and throwing it in the corner. THE DOCTOR: Well, she was speaking French. Right period French, too. MICKEY: She was speaking English, I heard her! Rose drapes her arms around Mickey's neck as the Doctor strides back to the fireplace. ROSE: That's the TARDIS, translates for ya. MICKEY: Even French?! ROSE: Yep. The Doctor knees the side of the fireplace and that section of the wall begins to rotate, just like in a horror movie, taking the Doctor with it. THE DOCTOR: Gotcha! ROSE: Doctor! INT. REINETTE'S BEDROOM Once the fireplace has finished turning, the Doctor finds himself standing in a dark and shadowy bedroom, with the young Reinette asleep. The ticking of a clock can be heard as the Doctor wanders towards the window. A Paris skyline can be seen, and it is snowing. The neigh of a horse is heard and the young Reinette's eyes snap open to see the silhouette of the Doctor at the window. She sits up, and the Doctor turns around. THE DOCTOR: It's okay! Don't scream! It's me, it's the fireplace man. Look. He walks over and lights a candle by her bed with the sonic screwdriver. She still looks startled. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) : We were talking, just a moment ago. I was in your fireplace. YOUNG REINETTE: Monsieur, that was weeks ago. That was months! THE DOCTOR (surprised): Really? Oh. He walks back to the fireplace and knocks on it, listening to the sound produced. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Must be a loose connection. Need to get a man in. YOUNG REINETTE: Who are you? And what are you doing here? The Doctor does not reply, instead staring at the clock on the mantel with his mouth open, looking slightly fearful. The ticking sound is prominent once more. THE DOCTOR: Okay, that's scary... YOUNG REINETTE (skeptically): You're scared of a broken clock? THE DOCTOR: Just a bit scared, yeah. Just a little tiny bit. 'Cause you see, if this clock's broken, and it's the only clock in the room... The Doctor pauses, turning to look back at Reinette. We see the clock clearly now, the glass of the face is broken, just like the one in the opening scene. The ticking continues. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Then what's that? The ticking grows louder and Reinette looks around, clearly scared again. The Doctor barely moves, speaking slowly and quietly. THE DOCTOR: 'Cause you see that's not a clock. You can tell by the resonance. Too big. Six feet, I'd say. Size of a man. YOUNG REINETTE: What is it? The Doctor checks behind the curtains, finding nothing. He is speaking more quickly now, spilling out his thought processes. THE DOCTOR: Now, let's think. If you were a thing that ticks and you were hiding in someone's bedroom, first thing you do: break the clock. No one notices the sound of one clock ticking, but two? (Pauses). You might start to wonder if you're really alone. He moves towards the bed and crouches down, giving Reinette instructions as he pulls the sonic screwdriver out of his pocket. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Stay on the bed. Right in the middle. Don't put your hands or feet over the edge. He peers underneath the bed before turning on the sonic screwdriver to scan. Suddenly something smacks the Doctor backwards, knocking the screwdriver out of his hand. Reinette gasps and the Doctor scrambles back to look underneath. We see the feet of something standing there, apparently wearing typical aristocratic French dress. The Doctor slowly resumes crouching, looking at Reinette with wide eyes. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Reinette... (whispers). Don't look round. A figure is standing on the other side of the bed, wearing a creepy clown-like mask and leering down at Reinette, who looks terrified. THE DOCTOR (to Reinette): You stay exactly where you are. The Doctor stands up to look straight at the figure. He glances back at Reinette, then at the figure, and then back at Reinette, discomforted by something. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Hold still, let me look... He bends down and grasps Reinette's head between his hands, staring intently into her eyes with a disturbed expression before looking back at the figure. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (shocked): You've been scanning her brain! He pauses, looking once more into Reinette's eyes before standing up straight again. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (horrified and incredulous): What, you've crossed two galaxies and thousands of years just to scan a child's brain? What could there be in a little girl's mind worth blowing a hole in the universe? YOUNG REINETTE: I don't understand... it wants me?! (Looks round at the figure, but does not even flinch): You want me? The figure's head twitches to one side and it speaks in a distinctly mechanical voice. DROID: Not yet. You are incomplete. THE DOCTOR: "Incomplete"? What's that mean, incomplete? The droid does not answer, but continues staring at Reinette. The Doctor stands up and speaks in a firm but slightly irritated voice, producing the sonic screwdriver and pointing it threateningly at the droid. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): You can answer her, you can answer me. What do you mean, "incomplete"? The droid again does not answer, instead walking in jerky movements around the bed and facing the Doctor. The droid extends an arm and a menacing looking blade slides out near the Doctor's face. He tilts his head away. YOUNG REINETTE: Monsieur, be careful! THE DOCTOR: Just a nightmare, Reinette, don't worry about it. Everyone has nightmares. The Doctor backs away, the droid pursuing. It swipes at the Doctor who jumps back, reaching the fireplace. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Even monsters from under the bed have nightmares, don't you, monster? The droid slashes at the Doctor again. He jumps aside, and the droid's blade hits the mantel, getting stuck. YOUNG REINETTE: What do monsters have nightmares about? As the droid struggles, the Doctor takes the opportunity to turn the fireplace around. THE DOCTOR: Me, ha! Reinette smiles as the droid and the Doctor disappear from her view. INT. SPACESHIP ROSE: Doctor! As the fireplace finishes turning the Doctor runs and grabs a gun-like object from the wall, using it to spray ice at the droid. It convulses in a last, vain attempt to free itself before freezing completely. MICKEY (appreciatively): Excellent, ice gun! The Doctor calmly throws the 'gun' to Rose, who catches it. THE DOCTOR: Fire extinguisher. ROSE (looking at the droid): Where did that thing come from? THE DOCTOR: Here. MICKEY: So why is it dressed like that? THE DOCTOR: Field trip to France, some kind of basic camouflage protocol; nice needlework! Shame about the face. He has walked back over to the droid, squinting at it. He pulls off the wig to reveal its actual head: an ornate clockwork mechanism, covered with a clear plastic egg shape. The Doctor cannot help but admire it with near giddy excitement. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Oh, you are beautiful! Mickey and Rose edge closer in curiosity, and the Doctor puts on his glasses to examine it more closely. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): No really, you are, you're gorgeous! Look at that! Space age clockwork, I love it! I've got chills! Listen, seriously, I mean this from the heart, and, by the way, count those, it would be a crime, it would be an act of vandalism to disassemble you. He takes one last wistful look at the droid before holding up the sonic screwdriver. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): But that won't stop me. The droid creaks back into life and teleports away. Rose and Mickey blink and look around, and the Doctor stuffs the screwdriver back into his pocket, walking swiftly back to the fireplace and preparing to go back to the other side. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Short range teleport, can't have got far. Could still be on board. ROSE: What is it? THE DOCTOR (pointing at Rose and Mickey): Don't go looking for it! ROSE: Where're you going? THE DOCTOR: Back in a sec. And he turns the fireplace, returning to Reinette's side. Rose looks down at the fire extinguisher, weighing it up in her hands. MICKEY (realising what Rose is planning): He said not to look for it... ROSE (feigning seriousness): Yeah, he did. They look at each other for a few moments, before Mickey smiles and grabs the other fire extinguisher on the wall. ROSE (CONT'D) (laughingly): Now you're getting it! They both jog out of the room. INT. REINETTE'S BEDROOM The Doctor now stands by the fireplace in a plush bedroom of red and gold. He steps away from it and calls out. THE DOCTOR: Reinette... Just checking you're okay... He idly brushes a hand across the strings of a harp as Reinette, now a beautiful young woman, walks into the room. She pauses, obviously recognising the Doctor. He seems not to notice her until she clears her throat. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Oh! Hello! He quickly puts away his glasses, clearly surprised and at least marginally distracted by her appearance. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (with a slight stutter): Um, I was just looking for Reinette. Uh, this is still her room, isn't it? I've been away, not sure how long. REINETTE'S MOTHER (from outside the room, calling): Reinette! We're ready to go! REINETTE: Go to the carriage, mother, I will join you there. A marvelling grin of realisation spreads across the Doctor's face. REINETTE (teasingly): It is customary, I think, to have an imaginary friend only during one's childhood. You are to be congratulated on your persistence. THE DOCTOR (amazed): Reinette...! Reinette smiles. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Well. (Swallows, looks her up and down). Goodness, how you've grown. REINETTE (approaching him): And you do not appear to have aged a single day. That is tremendously impolite of you. THE DOCTOR (unsure how to react): Right... yes... sorry. Um... umm... umm.. listen, lovely to catch up, but er, better be off, eh? Don't want your mother finding you up here with a strange man, do we? REINETTE: Strange? How could you be a stranger to me? I have known you since I was seven years old. THE DOCTOR: Yeah... I suppose you have. (Small laugh). I came the quick route. Reinette touches the Doctor's cheek, examining him. His eyes widen. REINETTE: Well, you seem to be flesh and blood, at any rate, but this is absurd. Reason tells me you cannot be real. THE DOCTOR (shakes his head, gazing at her): Oh, pfft... You never want to listen to reason... SERVANT (off): Mademoiselle! Your mother grows impatient. REINETTE (calling back, annoyed by the interruption): A moment! She looks back at the Doctor. REINETTE (CONT'D): So many questions. So little time. She pulls the Doctor towards her and kisses him passionately on the lips. They stumble backwards into the mantelpiece, the Doctor starting to kiss her back... SERVANT (closer): Mademoiselle Poisson! Reinette breaks the kiss and runs to the open door, grabbing a purse from her dressing table as she goes, without so much as a backward glance. The Doctor watches her, awestruck, as she leaves. The servant comes to the door but stops dead as he notices the Doctor. THE DOCTOR: Poisson? (The penny drops): Reinette Poisson? The servant looked bemused by the Doctor's presence. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): No... no, no, no, no, no way, Reinette Poisson?! (Runs right up to the manservant, as though interrogating him but not letting him get a word in): Later Madame Etioles? Later still mistress of Louis the Fifteenth, uncrowned Queen of France? (Runs back towards the fireplace). Actress, artist, musician, dancer, courtesan? Fantastic gardener! (Laughs). SERVANT: Who the hell are you?! The Doctor reaches for the fireplace and finds the trigger back to the ship. THE DOCTOR (giddy): I'm the Doctor. And I just snogged Madame de Pompadour! The fireplace revolves again, taking the Doctor with it as he laughs manically. He steps back onto the ship. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Rose! There is no-one there. He looks around. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Mickey? (Strides forward, peeved). Every time, every time, it's rule one, don't wander off! I tell them, I do, rule one! There could be anything on this ship! He turns the corner and is met by a white horse in the middle of the corridor. The Doctor blinks while the horse whinnies. INT. SPACESHIP, CORRIDOR Mickey looks furtively down a corridor holding one of the fire extinguishers, before doing an Indiana Jones-style drop-and-roll. He carries on in the same way until he sees a surveillance camera. It moves towards him and blinks. MICKEY (camera's POV): Are you looking at me? The camera moves closer to his face suddenly. Mickey jumps backwards with a squeak of alarm. We see that a human eye is the lens of the camera. Rose joins him. MICKEY (CONT'D): Look at this. They do so, while the eye looks back at them. MICKEY (CONT'D): That's an eye in there. That's a real eye. The eye retreats back into the wall. Sound of a heartbeat close by. Rose bends down to a small circular cover in the bulkhead. She tries to pull the cover away, but it scalds her. She tries again and it opens to reveal a human heart with wires and pipes attaching it into the ship. MICKEY (CONT'D): What is that? What's that in the middle there? It's like it's wired in. ROSE (quiet disgust): That's a heart, Mickey... that's a human heart. INT. SPACESHIP, CORRIDOR The Doctor crosses a junction of corridors, looking completely lost. THE DOCTOR (childlike, calling): Rose? The horse follows. The Doctor stops to look down a corridor before turning to the horse. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (irritably): Will you stop following me? I'm not your mother! The horse noses him. The Doctor moves away, having spotted a set of white, French double doors. He opens them. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): So this is where you came from, eh, horsey? EXT. THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES, GROUNDS The Doctor walks out onto a grassy courtyard, once again in Versailles. He sees a familiar figure, smiles and walks to a low wall with a pillar and an urn on top. Two ladies laugh, walking arm in arm. As they speak, we see the Doctor watching them in the background. REINETTE: Oh, Catherine, you are too wicked! Reinette suddenly turns around as though she has spotted something out of the corner of her eye. The Doctor ducks down behind the pillar just in time. CATHERINE: Oh, speaking of wicked, I hear Madame de Chateneux is ill and close to death. Reinette's attention having wandered, the Doctor straightens up and leans on the wall. REINETTE: Yes. (Seriously). I am devastated. (Laughs). CATHERINE (laughingly): Oh, indeed. I myself am frequently inconsolable. The Doctor smiles. CATHERINE (CONT'D): The King will therefore be requiring a new mistress. You love the King, of course? REINETTE: He is the King. And I love him with all my heart. And I look forward to meeting him. Catherine laughs, Reinette turns back, convinced she's being watched. The Doctor ducks behind the pillar again. CATHERINE: Is something wrong, my dear? REINETTE: Not wrong, no. The Doctor straightens up a little. After a pause, the ladies link arms and walk again. The Doctor straightens up fully and leans on the wall again. CATHERINE: Every woman in Paris knows your ambitions. REINETTE: Every woman in Paris shares them. CATHERINE: You know of course that the King is to attend the Yew Tree ball? The sound of their voices fade into the distance. EXT. SPACE The spaceship revolves slowly. INT. SPACESHIP, CORRIDOR Mickey and Rose walk down a corridor holding their guns, the cameras watching them. MICKEY: Maybe it wasn't a real heart. ROSE: Course it was a real heart. MICKEY (looking around): Is this like normal for you? Is this an average day? ROSE: Life with the Doctor, Mickey - no more average days. They stop by a window with a view into a luxurious 18th century room. MICKEY: It's France again. We can see France. ROSE: I think we're looking through a mirror. The room's doors open, and the King enters with two servants. MICKEY: Blimey, look at this guy. Who does he think he is? THE DOCTOR (appearing behind them): King of France. ROSE: Oh, here's trouble. What you been up to? THE DOCTOR (watching the king as he stands before the mirror): Oh, this and that. Became the imaginary friend of a future French aristocrat... picked a fight with a clockwork man... The horse whinnies from around the corner. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Oh, and I met a horse. The horse trots into view. MICKEY: What's a horse doing on a spaceship? THE DOCTOR: Mickey, what's pre-Revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective. The Doctor looks through the window. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (pointing): See these? They're all over the place. On every deck. Gateways to history. But not just any old history... He places a finger on the glass as Reinette enters the room. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Hers. Time window... deliberately arranged along the life of one particular woman. A spaceship from the fifty-first century stalking a woman from the eighteenth. Why? ROSE: Who is she? THE DOCTOR: Jeanne-Antoinette Poisson, known to her friends as Reinette. One of the most accomplished women who ever lived. ROSE: So has she got plans of being the Queen, then? THE DOCTOR: No, he's already got a Queen. She's got plans of being his mistress. ROSE: Oh, I get it. Camilla. Rose and Mickey laugh. THE DOCTOR (as the King leaves): I think this is the night they met. The night of the Yew Tree ball. In no time at flat, she'll get herself established as his official mistress, with her own rooms at the palace... even her own title, Madame de Pompadour. Reinette stands before the mirror, preening herself. ROSE: Queen must have loved her... THE DOCTOR: Oh, she did. They get on very well. MICKEY: The King's wife and the King's girlfriend? THE DOCTOR: France. It's a different planet. There comes the telltale ticking sounds. The Doctor spots that the face of the clock on the mantelpiece has been shattered. INT. THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES Reinette hears the ticking click too and turns, eyes wide with fear. REINETTE: How long have you been standing there? For there is a figure standing in the corner of the room, facing the wall. REINETTE (CONT'D): Show yourself! The figure turns suddenly and reveals itself to be one of the clockwork droids. It starts to advance. INT. SPACESHIP The Doctor grabs the fire extinguisher from Mickey and swings the mirror around so he can step back into Reinette's world. INT. THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES THE DOCTOR: Hello, Reinette. Hasn't time flown? REINETTE: Fireplace man! The Doctor steps past her and sprays the droid with the fire extinguisher until it is immobile. He throws the extinguisher back to Mickey. The droid starts to click and whirr loudly. MICKEY: What's it doing? THE DOCTOR: Switching back on. Melting the ice. MICKEY: And then what? THE DOCTOR: Then it kills everyone in the room. The clockwork droid's arm shoots out towards the Doctor's throat, he jumps back and backs towards Reinette. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Focuses the mind, doesn't it? (Addressing the clockwork woman): Who are you? Identify yourself. The droid cocks its head but does not answer. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (to Reinette): Order it to answer me. REINETTE: Why should it listen to me? THE DOCTOR: I don't know. It did when you were a child. Let's see if you've still got it. REINETTE (to the droid): Answer his question. Answer any and all questions put to you. The droid lowers its arm. DROID: I am repair droid seven. THE DOCTOR: So what happened to the ship, then? There was a lot of damage. DROID: Ion storm, eighty two percent systems failure. THE DOCTOR: That ship hasn't moved in over a year. What's taken you so long? DROID: We did not have the parts. MICKEY (laughs): Always comes down to that, doesn't it? The parts. THE DOCTOR: What's happened to the crew, where are they? DROID: We did not have the parts. THE DOCTOR (persistently): There should have been over fifty people on your ship. Where did they go? DROID: We did not have the parts. THE DOCTOR: Fifty people don't just disappear! Where...? (It dawns on him). Oh. You didn't have the parts, so you used the crew. MICKEY: The crew? ROSE: We found a camera with an eye in it... and there was a heart... wired in to machinery. THE DOCTOR: It was just what it was programmed to. Repairing the ship any way it can, with whatever it could find. No-one told it the crew weren't on the menu. What did you say the flight deck smelt of? ROSE (quietly): Someone cooking... THE DOCTOR: Flesh plus heat. Barbeque. Reinette looks slightly sick. THE DOCTOR: But what are you doing here? You've opened up time windows, that takes colossal energy. Why come here, you could have gone to your repair yard. Instead you come to eighteenth century France? Why? DROID: One more part is required. The Droid's head jerks towards Reinette. The Doctor, Rose and Mickey stare at her. THE DOCTOR (looking back at the Droid): Then why haven't you taken it? DROID: She is incomplete. THE DOCTOR: What... so, that's the plan then? Just keep opening up more and more time windows, scanning her brain, checking to see if she's "done yet"? ROSE: Why her? The Doctor turns to her, surprised at the abruptness of this question. ROSE (CONT'D): You've got all of history to choose from, why specifically her? DROID: We are the same. REINETTE: We are not the same, we are in no sense the same! DROID: We are the same. REINETTE (angry, advancing): Get out of here! Get out of here this instance! THE DOCTOR: Reinette, no. The Droid activates a teleport and disappears. THE DOCTOR: It's back on the ship. Rose, take Mickey and Arthur, get after it. Follow it, don't approach it, just watch what it does. ROSE: Arthur? THE DOCTOR: Good name for a horse. ROSE (exasperated): No, you're not keeping the horse! THE DOCTOR: I let you keep Mickey! Now go, go, go! Mickey and Rose run back through the mirror portal. The Doctor closes it behind them and turns back to Reinette. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Reinette, you're going to have to trust me. I need to find out what they're looking for, there's only one way I can do that. Won't hurt a bit. Reinette nods her assent and the Doctor places his fingers on her temples and closes her eyes. Reinette also closes hers. REINETTE (after a moment): Fireplace man... you are inside my mind. THE DOCTOR: Oh dear, Reinette. You've had some cowboys in here. INT. SPACESHIP, CORRIDOR Mickey and Rose are back on the ship, walking down a corridor. Mickey gives a short laugh. MICKEY (suggestively): So, that Doctor, eh? ROSE: What are you talking about? MICKEY: Well! Madame de Pompadour. Sarah Jane Smith. Cleopatra. ROSE (stopping, pissed off): Cleopatra, he mentioned her once. MICKEY: Yeah, but he called her "Cleo". A droid appears behind Mickey ROSE (shrieks): Mickey! It clutches him by the neck as another comes up behind Rose, grabbing her before she can use her weapon. Part of its arm extends, with two vicious needles on the end, which points at Rose's neck. The one behind Mickey does the same. The needles are pushed in, and Mickey and Rose slump unconscious to the floor. INT. THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES The Doctor and Reinette are still linked. REINETTE: You are in my memories. You walk among them. THE DOCTOR: If there's anything you don't want me to see, just imagine a door and close it. I won't look. Ooh.. actually... there's a door just there. Reinette opens her eyes and grins slyly. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): You might want to clo... Ooh. Actually, several. REINETTE: To walk among the memories of another living soul... do you ever get used to this? THE DOCTOR: I don't make a habit of it. REINETTE: How can you resist? THE DOCTOR: What age are you? REINETTE: So impertinent a question so early in the conversation. How promising. THE DOCTOR: No, not my question, theirs. You're twenty-three and for some reason, that means you're not old enough. Reinette flinches. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (quickly): Sorry, you might find old memories reawakening. Side effect. REINETTE: Oh, such a lonely childhood... THE DOCTOR: It'll pass. Stay with me. REINETTE: Oh, Doctor. So lonely. So very, very alone. THE DOCTOR: What do you mean, alone? You've never been alone in your life... His eyes snap open. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): When did you start calling me "Doctor"? REINETTE: Such a lonely little boy. Lonely then and lonelier now. (Opens her eyes). How can you bear it? THE DOCTOR (stepping away from her): How did you do that? REINETTE: A door, once opened, can be stepped through in either direction... The Doctor stares at her, vulnerable. REINETTE (CONT'D) (softly): Oh, Doctor. (Steps towards him). My lonely Doctor. Dance with me. THE DOCTOR (warningly): I can't. REINETTE (adamant): Dance with me. THE DOCTOR: This is the night you dance with the King. REINETTE: Then first, I shall make him jealous. THE DOCTOR: I can't. REINETTE (sadly): Doctor... Doctor who? She looks at him for a few moments. REINETTE (CONT'D): It's more than just a secret, isn't it? THE DOCTOR: What did you see? REINETTE: That there comes a time, Time Lord, when every lonely little boy must learn how to dance. She smiles and takes his hand, leading him away. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SPACESHIP Close up on Rose's eyes. She's beginning to stir. Her eyes open and she becomes aware of a loud ticking. She slowly focuses on one of the clockwork droids, staring down at her. ROSE: What's going on? (Calls): Doctor? She has been manacled onto some sort of operating table which has been tilted at a sharp angle. Mickey is manacled onto another at the other side of the room. MICKEY (scared): Rose? They're gonna chop us up. Just like the crew, they're gonna chop us up and stick us all over their stupid spaceship. And where's the Doctor? Where's the precious Doctor now? He's been gone for flipping hours, that's where he is! DROID (stepping before Rose): You are compatible. ROSE (stalling for time): Well... you... you might wanna think about that. You really, really might because... me and Mickey... we didn't come here alone, oh no! And trust me, you wouldn't wanna mess with our designated driver. The droid thrusts a sharp and lethal looking tool in front of Rose's face. Rose stares at it apprehensively. ROSE (CONT'D): Ever heard of the Daleks? Remember them? They had a name for our friend. They had myths about him, and a name. They called him the... In the distance, there is a loud banging and the sound of someone singing drunkenly. THE DOCTOR (off): I could've danced all night, I could've danced all night... ROSE (distracted): They called him the... they called him the... the... The Doctor staggers into the room, dancing with an imaginary partner, wearing a pair of sunglasses and a tie around his head. THE DOCTOR: And still have begged for moooore... I could've spread my wings and done a thou... have you met the French? Mickey looks bemused. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): My... god, they know how to party. ROSE (sarcastically): Oh, look at what the cat dragged in. The Oncoming Storm. THE DOCTOR (distastefully): Oh, you sound just like your mother. ROSE (crossly): What've you been doing?? Where've you been?! THE DOCTOR: Well... among other things, I think just invented the banana daiquiri a few centuries early. Rose lies back, exasperated. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Do you know, they've never even seen a banana before! He leans over her. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (sincerely): Always take a banana to a party, Rose. Bananas are good. He spots the droids. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (absolutely delighted): Oh ho ho ho ho, brilliant. It's you! You're my favourite, you are, you are the best! Do you know why? 'Cause you're so thick. You're Mister Thick Thick Thickity Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania. (As an afterthought). And so's your dad. He strolls away. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Do you know what they were scanning Reinette's brain for? (He sniggers). Her milometer. They wanna know how old she is. Know why? 'Cause this ship is thirty-seven years old. And they think that when Reinette is thirty-seven, when she's "complete", then her brain will be compatible. So, that's what you're missing, isn't it? He stares one of the droids mockingly in the face. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Hmm? Command circuit. Your computer. Your ship needs a brain. And for some reason, God knows what, only the brain of Madame de Pompadour will do. DROID: The brain is compatible. THE DOCTOR: Compatible? (He approaches the droid). If you believe that, you probably believe this is a glass of wine. He removes the droid's mask and pours the 'wine' into the clockwork inside the head of the droid. He replaces the mask and pats it on the head. The droid wind downs. Rose leans back in relief. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (suddenly sober): Multigrain anti-oil. If it moves, it doesn't. A droid from the corner of the room begins to advance, but the Doctor quickly deactivates it using a nearby lever. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Right, you two, that's enough lying about... He releases Rose and Mickey quickly with the sonic screwdriver, and they slide down the tables onto the floor. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Time we got the rest of the ship turned off. MICKEY: Are those things safe? THE DOCTOR (pulling the tie down and pushing the sunglasses up): Yep. Safe. Safe and thick. Way I like them. Okay, all the time windows are controlled from here. I need to close them all down. (He feels his pockets). Zeus plugs. Where are my Zeus plugs? (Looks around for them). I had them a minute ago, I was using them as castanets. ROSE: Why didn't they just open a time window to when she was thirty-seven? THE DOCTOR: With the amount of damage to these circuits, they'll be lucky to hit the right century. Trial and error after that. He tries to operate the computer. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): The windows aren't closing. Why won't they close? There is an ominous pinging sound. ROSE: What's that? THE DOCTOR (over the clicking sounds): I don't know... incoming message? MICKEY: From who? THE DOCTOR: Report from the field... one of them must still be out there with Reinette! That's why I can't close the windows, there's an override! Behind him, one of the clockwork droids springs to life with a whirring sound. Rose gasps. The droid expells the "wine" the Doctor poured into its mechanics over the Doctor's shoe. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Well, that was a bit clever. The rest of the droids spring to life, filling the room with ticking. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Right... many things about this are not good. The pinging sounds again. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Message from one of your little friends? Anything interesting? DROID: She is complete. It begins. They teleport out. ROSE: What's happening? THE DOCTOR: One of them must've found the right time window, and now it's time to send in the troops. And this time they're bringing back her head. INT. THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES Madame de Pompadour stands by the window, looking up at the sky. A shadow passes over the shaft of light spilling into the room through the doorway as someone slowly approaches. At the sound of the footsteps, Reinette turns. Disturbed, she checks the clock face. A figure is reflected in it's glass. ROSE: Madame de Pompadour... (Reinette gasps). Please, don't scream or anything, we haven't got a lot of time. INT. THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES Reinette stands before Rose who has taken a seat. ROSE: I've come to warn you that they'll be here in five years. REINETTE: Five years? ROSE: Some time after your thirty-seventh birthday. I um... I can't give you an exact date. It's a bit random. But they're coming. It's gonna happen. In a way, for us, it's already happening. I'm sorry, it's hard to explain. The Doctor does this better. REINETTE: Then be exact, and I will be attentive. ROSE (apologetically): There isn't time. REINETTE (persistently): There are five years. ROSE: For you. I haven't got five minutes. REINETTE: Then also be concise. Reinette takes a seat opposite Rose, ready to listen. ROSE: Erm... there's say, um... a... a... a vessel. A ship. A sort of sky ship. And it's full of... well, you. Different bits of your life in different rooms, all jumbled up. I told you it was complicated, sorry. REINETTE: There is a vessel in your world... where the days of my life are pressed together like the chapters of a book so that he may step from one to the other without increase of age... while I, weary traveller... must always take the slower path? ROSE: He was right about you... REINETTE: So, in five years these creatures will return. What can be done? ROSE: The Doctor says keep them talking. They're kind of programmed to respond to you now. You won't be able to stop them, but you might be able to delay them a bit. REINETTE: Until? ROSE: Until the Doctor can get there. REINETTE: He's coming, then? ROSE: He promises. REINETTE: But he cannot... make his promises in person? ROSE: He'll be there when you need him. That's the way it's gotta be. REINETTE: It's the way it's always been. The monsters and the Doctor. It seems you cannot have one without the other. ROSE (slight laugh): Tell me about it. (Pause) The thing is... you weren't supposed to have either. Those creatures are messing with history. None of this was ever supposed to happen to you. REINETTE (angrily): Supposed to happen? What does that mean? It happened, child. And I would not have it any other way. One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel. She stands with her back to Rose, facing the fireplace. MICKEY (calling): Rose? Rose? Reinette and Rose turn. Mickey appears from behind a tapestry just outside the room. MICKEY (CONT'D): Rose! Rose rushes to meet him. MICKEY (CONT'D): The time window when she's thirty-seven. We found it. Right under our noses. He stops as Reinette pauses. She looks at the window behind the tapestry and makes for it. ROSE: No, you can't go in there, the Doctor will go mad... But Reinette has already walked through onto the spaceship. INT. SPACESHIP She looks at her surroundings, lost and confused, and evidently slightly scared. Rose and Mickey can only watch her. REINETTE: So, this is his world. They hear screaming and chaos in the distance. REINETTE (CONT'D): What was that? MICKEY (to Rose): The time window, the Doctor fixed an audio link. REINETTE (as if afraid of the answer): Those screams... is that my future? ROSE (really meaning it): Yeah... I'm sorry. REINETTE: Then I must take the slower path. Reinette's voice sounds in the distance from the time window. REINETTE (off): Are you there? Can you hear me? I need you now, you promised. The clock on the mantel is broken. It is time. REINETTE (disturbed): That's my voice. MICKEY: Rose, come on, we've gotta go. There's... there's a problem. ROSE: Give me a moment. Mickey rushes away, but Rose stays and approaches Reinette, concerned. ROSE (CONT'D) (gently): Are you okay? REINETTE: No. I'm very afraid. But you and I both know, don't we, Rose? The Doctor is worth the monsters. Rose nods. Reinette walks back through the tapestry into her world. REINETTE (from the future): Doctor! Doctor! After a moment of reflection, Rose heads off. INT. BALLROOM Screaming people run down the corridors of the palace, followed by the ticking droids. They are armed. INT. BEDROOM REINETTE (into the fireplace): Doctor! KING LOUIS XV (urgently): We must go. No one is coming to help us. One of the droids appears in the doorway. Reinette stands and turns. When she sees it, memories flash through her head of that nightmarish encounter with them as a child. Her eyes widen with fear. Two other droids flank the first. DROID: You are complete. You will come. INT. BALLROOM In the ballroom, the droids advance, backing the guests against a wall as they cower and scream. INT. SPACESHIP The Doctor works frantically as Rose joins him and Mickey at the time window. ROSE: You found it, then? THE DOCTOR: They knew I was coming. They blocked it off. INT. THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES, CORRIDOR One of the droids has Reinette by the arm as it leads her roughly away. REINETTE: Where are we going? DROID: The teleport has limited range. We must have proximity to the time portal. REINETTE: Your words mean nothing. You are nothing. Behind her, two more droids have King Louis between them. INT. SPACESHIP ROSE (looking through the time window into the ballroom): I don't get it. How come they got in there? THE DOCTOR (still working): They teleported - you saw them. As long as the ship and the ballroom are linked, their short-range teleports will do the trick. ROSE: Well, we'll go in the TARDIS! THE DOCTOR: We can't use the TARDIS, we're part of events now. MICKEY: Well, can't we just smash through it? THE DOCTOR: Hyperplex this side, plate glass the other. We need a truck. MICKEY: We don't have a truck. THE DOCTOR (shouts): I know we don't have a truck! ROSE: Well, we've gotta try something! THE DOCTOR: No, smash the glass, smash the time window, they'd be no way back. Rose stares at him. REINETTE (in the ballroom): Can everyone just calm down? Please. INT. BALLROOM REINETTE (CONT'D): Such a commotion. Such distressing noise. Kindly remember that is is Versailles. This is the Royal Court. And we are French. She turns to the droids. REINETTE (CONT'D): I have made a decision. And my decision is "no", I shall not be going with you today. I have seen your world, and I have no desire to set foot there again. DROID: We do not require your feet. Two droids come up on either side of Reinette and push her to her knees. They point their maiming instruments at her neck. The 'chief' droid approaches her and also points his weapon at her. Reinette looks up at him. REINETTE (CONT'D): You think I fear you. But I do not fear you, even now. You are merely the nightmare of my childhood. The monster from under my bed. And if my nightmare can return to plague me, then rest assured, (she lowers her voice to a whisper) so will yours. The sound of a horse whinnying is heard in the distance. Reinette, the droids, and the guests all look around for the source of the sound. It is followed by galloping hooves - and after a few moments, the horse leaps through the glass of a large mirror on the wall, the Doctor on his back. The guests shriek and Reinette's mouth drops open. The Doctor winks as he trots past her. The horse comes to a halt and the Doctor drops down. THE DOCTOR: Madame de Pompadour. You look younger every day. Reinette smiles. KING LOUIS XV: What the hell is going on? REINETTE (to the Doctor): Oh, this is my lover, the King of France. THE DOCTOR (distastefully): Yeah? Well, I'm the Lord of Time. (He approaches the chief droid). And I'm here to fix the clock. He removes the mask of the droid, revealling the clockwork underneath, which elicits a gasp from the crowd. The droid points it's weapon at the Doctor. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Forget it. It's over. For you and for me. He glances up at the broken mirror. There is only a brick wall behind it. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Talk about seven years bad luck. Try three thousand... The droid cocks its head to look at the mirror. INT. SPACESHIP On the spaceship, there are only shards of glass and the interior of the spaceship where the time window into the ballroom used to be. Rose stands before it. MICKEY: What happened? Where did the time window go? How's he gonna get back? Rose is still. She does not answer. The camera swings slowly around onto her face. She's just staring at the remains of the time window. A single tear runs down her cheek. INT. BALLROOM The droid repeatedly tries to use it's teleport, to no avail. It turns to the Doctor. THE DOCTOR: The link with the ship is broken. No way back. You don't have the parts. How many ticks left in that clockwork heart? A day? An hour? It's over. Accept that. I'm not winding you up. And finally, the clockwork winds down and the droid goes dead. The other droids follow suit and slump forwards. One of them falls backwards causing the clockwork to smash over the floor. The guests whisper amongst one another as the Doctor holds out a hand to Reinette. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): You all right? Reinette nods and takes his hand. He pulls her to her feet. REINETTE: What's happened to them? THE DOCTOR: They've stopped. They have no purpose now. The camera pulls away. The Doctor and Reinette stand in the middle of the destruction, hand in hand. INT. SPACESHIP Rose has not moved. MICKEY: We can't fly the TARDIS without him. How's he gonna get back? Rose raises her head and looks up at the stars overhead. INT. THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES The Doctor stands by the window, holding a glass of wine and looking up at probably those same stars. Reinette comes up behind him, also holding a glass of wine. She follows his gaze. REINETTE: You know all their names, don't you? I saw that in your mind. The name of every star. THE DOCTOR: What's in a name? Names are just titles. Titles don't tell you anything. REINETTE: Like, "The Doctor". THE DOCTOR: Like, "Madame de Pompadour". Reinette laughs. REINETTE: I have often wished to see those stars a little closer. Just as you have, I think. THE DOCTOR: From time to time. REINETTE: In saving me, you trapped yourself. Did you know that would happen? THE DOCTOR: Mm. Pretty much. REINETTE: Yet, still you came. THE DOCTOR: Yeah, I did, didn't I? (He smiles). Catch me doing that again. REINETTE: There were many doors between my world and yours. Can you not use one of the others? THE DOCTOR: When the mirror broke, the shock will have severed all the links with the ship. There'll be a few more broken mirrors and torn tapestries around here, I'm afraid. Wherever there was a time window. I'll... I'll, er... pay for any damage. (Reinette laughs). Um... oh, that's a thought, I'm gonna need money. I was always a bit vague about money. Where do you get money? REINETTE: So, here you are. My lonely angel. Stuck on the slow path, with me. THE DOCTOR: Yep. The slow path. (He grins and holds up his glass). Here's to the slow path. Reinette laughs and they chink their glasses together and sip their wine. REINETTE: It's a pity... I think I would've enjoyed the slow path. THE DOCTOR: Well, I'm not going anywhere. REINETTE: Oh, aren't you? (She sets down her wine). Take my hand. The Doctor takes her hand and she leads him out of the room. INT. REINETTE'S BEDROOM They enter Reinette's bedroom and stand in the doorway. REINETTE: It's not a copy. It's the original. I had it moved here and was exact in every detail. THE DOCTOR: The fireplace... (He walks slowly forward). The fireplace from your bedroom. When did you do this? REINETTE: Many years ago. In the hope that a door once opened, may someday be opened again. One never quite knows when one needs one's Doctor. (They smile at each other). It appears undamaged, do you think it will still work? THE DOCTOR: You broke the bond with the ship when you moved it. Which means it was off-line when the mirror broke. That's what saved it. But... (he moves closer to the fireplace) the link is basically physical, and it's still physically here. Reinette watches him, not saying anything but with a hint of sadness in her eyes. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (tapping the woodwork): Which might just mean, if I'm lucky... if I'm very, very, very, very, very, very lucky... He seems to find the spot he is looking for. He beams. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Aha! REINETTE: What? THE DOCTOR: Loose connection! He holds his sonic screwdriver to the loose connection. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Need to get a man in! He bangs on the mantelpiece, then stands ready for the fireplace to turn. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Wish me luck! REINETTE: No... The Doctor's grin fades from his face, but too late - the fireplace has already started to revolve. INT. SPACESHIP As soon as he is on the other side, he crouches and calls through the flames. THE DOCTOR: Madame de Pompadour! She crouches on the other side. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Still wanna see those stars? REINETTE: More than anything. THE DOCTOR: Give me two minutes. Pack a bag! REINETTE: Am I going somewhere? THE DOCTOR: Go to the window. Pick a star. Any star. He stands and dashes off to the TARDIS. Reinette rushes to the window and looks up at the night sky, breathless with anticipation. INT. SPACESHIP The Doctor has Rose in a tight hug. THE DOCTOR: How long did you wait? ROSE (giddy with relief): Five and a half hours! THE DOCTOR (releasing her): Right, always wait five and a half hours. He makes to hug Mickey, changes his mind and shakes his hand instead. ROSE: Where've you been?? THE DOCTOR: Explain later. Into the TARDIS, be with you in a sec. He rushes back to the fireplace. Mickey goes into the TARDIS without hesitation, but Rose watches the Doctor go back. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (calls): Reinette? (he kneels before the flames, tries to peer through) You there, Reinette? He triggers the fireplace again and it revolves again. INT. REINETTE'S BEDROOM The Doctor finds himself back in the palace - except the room is completely dark. He pauses, then wanders out into the halls. INT. THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES, HALLS THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (calling): Reinette? There is no one around except for King Louis, who is standing by the window, looking outside. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Oh. Hello. KING LOUIS XV: You just missed her. She'll be in Paris by six. THE DOCTOR: Ah. The King stares at the Doctor and takes a few steps towards him. KING LOUIS XV (awestruck): Good Lord... she was right. She said you never looked a day older.(The Doctor raises his eyebrows). So many years since I saw you last, yet not a day of it on your face. He walks slowly over to a sideboard and opens a drawer. He takes out a letter. KING LOUIS XV (CONT'D): She spoke of you many times. The Doctor's smile is fading as he begins to understand. KING LOUIS XV (CONT'D): Often wished you'd visit again. You know how women are. He holds the letter out to the Doctor, who takes it and looks at it. The King is distracted by the thrash of a whip, a neighing from outside and then the sound of hooves. He goes back to the window. KING LOUIS XV (CONT'D): There she goes. Through the rain, the King watches the hearse carry Reinette's coffin away through the gates of the palace. KING LOUIS XV (CONT'D): Leaving Versailles for the last time. Only forty-three when she died. The Doctor walks slowly up behind the King to watch the hearse, face solemn with a pain that he can't quite hide. KING LOUIS XV (CONT'D): Too young... too young. Illness took her in the end. She always did work too hard. His eyes are glistening with tears. He turns to the Doctor. KING LOUIS XV (CONT'D): What does she say? Without a word and without looking away from the window, the Doctor silently tucks the letter inside his jacket. KING LOUIS XV (CONT'D): Of course. Quite right. After a few more moments, the Doctor turns and walks away. INT. TARDIS The Doctor closes the door of the TARDIS wearily behind him and walks slowly up to the console. ROSE: Why her? She and Mickey are standing by the console. ROSE (CONT'D): Why did they think they could fix the ship with the head of Madame de Pompadour? THE DOCTOR: We'll probably never know. There was massive damage in the computer memory base. Probably got confused. (He goes to the controls). The TARDIS can close down the time windows now the droids are gone. Should stop it causing any more trouble. He taps on the computer, acting for the world as if everything is okay. But Rose knows there's something wrong. ROSE (after a moment of watching him): Are you all right? The Doctor looks up. THE DOCTOR: I'm always all right. He smiles briefly, and fiddles with the controls again. Rose still watches him, aware that he's keeping something to himself. Mickey realises he wants to be alone and tugs on Rose's arm. MICKEY: Come on, Rose. It's time you showed me around the rest of this place. Rose is hesitant to leave the Doctor, and glances over her shoulder as Mickey leads her from the console room. The Doctor continues to pretend to work at the computer for a few moments, and then glances around to make sure they are gone. Then he slowly takes the letter out of his pocket and carefully opens it. REINETTE (voice-over): My Dear Doctor. The path has never seemed more slow, and yet I fear I am nearing its end. Reason tells me that you and I are unlikely to meet again. But I think I shall not listen to reason. I have seen the world inside your head, and know that all things are possible. Hurry though, my love. My days grow shorter now, and I am so very weak. God speed, my lonely angel. The Doctor, having finished reading, tucks the letter away again and turns back to the console, so very heavy of heart. He takes one last look at the image of the fireplace on the monitor, which is still lit with merrily dancing flames. He presses a few keys, and they go out, leaving the fireplace shrouded in darkness. He stands there watching it for a few more moments before looking up at the rotor. INT. SPACESHIP Outside the TARDIS, a wind picks up as the engines grind into the life and it dematerialises. Just behind where it was parked is a portrait of Reinette, labelled: Madame de Pompadour 1721-1764. EXT. SPACE The now truly deserted spaceship revolves slowly in space. On the outer hull is engraved the name "SS Madame de Pompadour".
Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who saves Reinette from the droids? A: an abandoned spaceship; Q: Where do the Doctor, Rose, and Mickey arrive on? A: Madame de Pompadour; Q: Who is the ship named after? A: her bedroom; Q: Where does the Doctor first enter Reinette's life? A: 18th-century; Q: What era is the fireplace in Reinette's bedroom? A: a clockwork man; Q: Who is hiding under Reinette's bed? A: the ship's human crew; Q: Who has died out on the ship? A: the droids; Q: Who shut down because they have no way of returning to their ship? A: their organs; Q: What did the droids recycle from the crew? A: 37 years old; Q: How old must Reinette's brain be to be fully functional? A: her 37th birthday costume ball; Q: Where does the Doctor save Reinette from the droids? Summary: The Doctor, Rose, and Mickey arrive on an abandoned spaceship which contains several "time windows" into the life of Madame de Pompadour , known as "Reinette". The Doctor first enters her bedroom through an 18th-century fireplace when she is seven years old and saves her from a clockwork man which has hidden under her bed. On the ship, the Doctor and his companions discover more time windows into Reinette's life and see that the clockwork droids continue stalking her, but do not consider her "complete". The Doctor discovers that the ship's human crew have died out and the droids have recycled some of their organs for use in the ship but still needs Reinette's brain to be fully functional. The brain must be 37 years old, the age of the ship; the ship is actually named after Madame de Pompadour. The Doctor manages to arrive at her 37th birthday costume ball and save her from the droids, who shut down because they have no way of returning to their ship.
-[Present Fairy Tale World]- (Emma, Mary Margaret, Aurora, Mulan, and Hook approach the base of the beanstalk and look up, seeing that it extends through the clouds.) Emma: It's a little freakier than I remember from the story. Mulan: Reminds me of death. MMB: Encouraging. Hook: Well, your compass awaits. Shall we? Emma: Wait. If these beans create...portals, why not just pick one and go home? Why the compass? Hook: Because there aren't any more beans. Whatever story you think you know, my dear, is most certainly wrong. Emma: There was a guy named Jack, and a cow, and something about evil giant with a treasure and a golden goose. ...Or harp. Hook: Sounds like a lovely tale. But the truth's a little bit more gruesome. The giants grew the beans, but, rather than use them for good, they used them to plunder all the lands. Jack, was a man who fought a terrible war, defeating all but one of the evil giants. The beans were destroyed by the giants as they died. If they couldn't have their magic, then nobody could. It's really very bad form. Emma: Evil giants, who made magic portal beans? Why doesn't anyone just go up and grow some more? Hook: Because one giant survived. The strongest and most terrible of them all. And we'll have to get past him to- MMB: The magic compass. Hook: Indeed. The treasure remains, and amongst it is the compass. Now it will guide us to your land. Cora has the means to open a portal with the wardrobe ashes, but she can't find your land without the compass. Once we get it, steal the ashes from her and we're on our way. Mulan: How do we know you're not just using us to get the compass for Cora? Hook: Because you four are far safer company. All I need is a ride back. I'll swear allegiance to whomever gets me there first. Emma: Then we'd better start climbing. Hook: Right, so... I failed to mention that the giant enchanted the beanstalk to repel intruders. Emma: Alright, so how do we get up there? Hook: I've got a counter spell from Cora. If you'd be so kind. (Hook holds up his wrists, which are still tied together. Mary Margaret unties him. He holds up one of his arms, showing a glowing cuff.) Hook: Thank you, milady. I've got one more of these. Cora was to accompany me. So... Which one of you four lovelies shall take her place? Hm? Go on, fight it out. Don't be afraid to, you know, really get into it. -[Past Real World]- (The text indicates that it's Portland, Oregon and eleven years prior. A younger Emma approaches a parked yellow beetle and pulls out a metal rod, which she uses to open the lock. She gets inside, and then uses a screw driver to start the transmission. Emma drives off, but is soon interrupted by a man in the back seat. He leans forward and holds up a pair of keys.) Neal: Impressive. But really, you could've just asked me for the keys. Just drive. It's fine. Emma: I just stole your car. Your life could be in danger. Neal: Neal Cassidy. Emma: Yeah, I'm not telling you my name. Neal: No, I don't need it to have you arrested when the robbery's in progress. Emma: Emma. Swan. Neal: Good name. Emma: So, do you just live in here, or are you just waiting for the car to be stolen? Neal: Why don't I tell you over drinks? Emma: Excuse me? Neal: Hey. Eyes on the road. (Emma runs a stop sign.) Emma: I am not having drinks with you. You might be a pervert. Neal: I might be a pervert, but you're definitely a car thief. Emma: I said I was sorry. Neal: You didn't, actually. (A police car turns on the siren and begins to follow them.) Neal: Oh... Emma: Damn it. Neal: That's why I said 'eyes on the road'. (They pull over, but Neal notices the screwdriver still in the transmission.) Neal: Screwdriver. (He quickly pulls it out and replaces the screwdriver with the keys. A cop approaches the window.) Cop: License and registration. Emma: Hi. Neal: Terribly sorry officer, but this is actually my car. I'm... I'm trying to, uh, teach my girlfriend how to drive stick. Cop: She's got a lot to learn. Neal: I know. But, you know... Women. Cop: Alright, I hear you. It's a warning...this time. Neal: Yeah. Thank you so much. (The cop leaves and Neal gets in the front seat.) Emma: What are you, some sort of a misogynist? Neal: You're welcome. Oh, go. We got lucky. Emma: We? This isn't your car either, is it? I stole a stolen car? Neal: Now, how about that drink? -[Present Fairy Tale World]- (The group is still at the bottom of the beanstalk, and the four of them are arguing while Hook watches.) Mulan: All due respect, I'm the best equipped to go. How many wars have you been through? MMB: My share. Aurora: It should be me. Mulan: You? You haven't fought in a battle. MMB: This is about us getting home to our loved ones. Why would you- Aurora: Because I have no loved ones. If I fail, you can still go on. Emma: It's me. I'm going, and I'm not going to fail. MMB: You're new here. Emma: It's about getting back to Henry. I don't care what I have to face. You're not going to argue with me? MMB: Would it do any good? Emma: No. Anything in that bag that's going to help me with a giant? Mulan: A hook? Hook: Hey! Mulan: Come with me. (Mulan takes Emma aside. She pulls out a cloth satchel and hands it to Emma.) Mulan: This - powder made from poppies. He has to inhale it. Emma: And your sword - how strong is it? Mulan: The most powerful blade in all the realms. Emma: Is it strong enough to cut through that beanstalk? Mulan: Indeed. Emma: Give me ten hours. If I'm not back, you cut it down and keep going. Mulan: Snow won't like that. Emma: That's why I'm asking you. If I don't get back, you get her home. Hook: Ladies. In this world, we are slaves to time. And ours is running out. In other words, tick tock. (Emma joins Hook.) Hook: I was hoping it'd be you. Emma: Just get on with it. Hook: Put your hand right here. (Emma puts her hand on Hook's shoulder. He snaps the second magical cuff to her wrist.) Hook: That's a good girl. This will allow you to climb. There are other dangers. Thankfully, you've got me to protect you. I can't climb one-handed, can I? (Emma hands him his hook from the bag.) Emma: Don't think I'm taking my eyes off you for a second. Hook: I would despair if you did. Emma: Let's go. (The two of them begin their climb up the beanstalk.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Hook, who are still climbing, have managed to reach the upper part of the beanstalk.) Hook: First beanstalk? Well, you never forget your first. You know, most men would take your silence as off-putting, but I love a challenge. Emma: I'm concentrating. Hook: No, you're afraid. Afraid to talk - to reveal yourself. Trust me - things'll be a lot smoother if you do. Emma: You should be used to people not trusting you. Hook: Ah, the pirate thing. Well, I don't need you to share. You're something of an open book. Emma: Am I? Hook: Quite. Let's see - you volunteered to come up here because you were the most motivated. You need to get back to a child. Emma: That's not perception. That's eavesdropping. Hook: Ah, but you don't want to abandon him the way you were abandoned. Emma: Was I? Hook: Like I said, an open book. Emma: How would you know that? Hook: I spent many years in Neverland - home of the Lost Boys. They all share the same look in their eyes... The look you get when you've been left alone. Emma: Yeah, well, my world ain't Neverland. Hook: But an orphan's an orphan. Love has been all too rare in your life, hasn't it? You ever even been in love? Emma: No. I have never been in love. -[Past Real World]- (Emma and Neal are in a convenience store. Emma is faking a pregnancy.) Neal: I think this little guy is hungry. Go ahead and get whatever you want, sweetie. I'm going to get directions. Emma: I will. (Neal walks up to the clerk.) Neal: Hey, man. Clerk: How are you? (Neal pulls a map off the shelf and opens it, attempting to block the clerk's view. Meanwhile, Emma is swiping food.) Neal: I've been better. Listen, my wife and I are really lost. I'm trying to get to Eugene, and I think we've been going the wrong way. Can you show me what's going on here? Where are we, first of all? Clerk: Okay, wait. Do I look like a tour guide? Why don't you buy the map, then I can help you. Neal: Okay. (He pays for the map.) Clerk: Okay. Now, your problem is... (Neal steals a keychain while the clerk is distracted. Another customer, a man, enters.) Clerk: Is you're way up here. You see that? Neal: Oh my God. That is a problem. Clerk: Yeah. Now what you have to do, is you have to take five all the way south towards Salem. That's right down there. You see that? (The man sees Neal pocketing a chocolate bar.) Man: Hey! Clerk: That's where you're going. You got it? Man: Hey, mister, that guy's stealing that- (Emma creates a diversion by pretending to be going into labour.) Emma: Oh God! Oh God... Neal: Honey? Emma: I think... I think it's time. Neal: He's ready? Emma: Oh, yeah. Man: You didn't see him take the- Emma: Oh, it hurts really bad! Clerk: Do you guys need help? Man: Mister, you didn't see him take- Emma: It hurts really bad! Neal: Okay, okay. Clerk: You want me to call an ambulance? Neal: No, it's fine! My car's out front. I know, I know. Breathe, baby. Emma: Oh God. Neal: Breathe! Let's go! Come on. Emma: Oh! Oh! (Emma and Neal exit the store.) Man: You know they were stealing. (Outside, Emma and Neal run to their car.) Neal: The little guy saved us. Emma: He sure did. The miracle of birth! (Emma pulls the bag out from under her dress and throws it to Neal.) Neal: Wow. Good haul. Emma: Thanks. Neal: I got you a key chain. Do you like it? Emma: Yeah. (They kiss.) Neal: Okay. We got to go. [SCENE_BREAK] (Neal and Emma wait in a motel parking lot as a family leaves their room.) Neal: Twenty minutes till housekeeping. (The two of them enter the motel room.) Neal: You want to shower first? Emma: Oh, look. The granola family left this. (Emma grabs the dream catcher that was left behind.) Neal: What is that? Emma: It's a Native American dream catcher. It's supposed to keep all the nightmares out, and only let the good dreams in to protect your home. Neal: It's flypaper for nightmares? Emma: Mmhmm. Neal: Let's keep it. Emma: Yeah, hang it where? The car? Neal: It's not much of a home. Maybe it's time we get a real place. Emma: Are you saying... Neal: Why not? We've been on the road long enough, baby. It's time we retire the Bonnie and Clyde act. So, I think... I think it's time. Emma: Together? Neal: Don't you want to? Emma: Like where? Neverland? Neal: I'm serious. We could do this. Emma: Where? (Neal grabs a framed map of the United States off the dresser and lays it on the bed in front of Emma.) Neal: Where? I'll tell you where. Close your eyes and point. Whatever spot you pick, that's our home. (Emma closes her eyes and randomly points to a spot on the map.) Emma: Tallahassee. Neal: We got a winner. Emma: Is it near a beach? Neal: Yeah, it's Florida. Everything's near a beach. Emma: Okay then, Tallahassee it is. Neal: Tallahassee it is. Emma: Are you sure? Is this... What you really want? Neal: What I really want, is you. -[Present Fairy Tale World]- (Mulan draws a sundial in the sand with a stick.) Aurora: What is that? Mulan: It keeps the time. MMB: You have somewhere to be? Mulan: We can mark watches - take turns sleeping. We'll most likely have to walk through the night again, so we should rest while we can. MMB: I'll take first shift. Aurora: I'll stay up with you. Mulan: Okay. (Mulan leaves.) MMB: When's the last time you slept? Aurora: I don't really sleep now. Not after what I've been through. MMB: Sleeping curse. Aurora: The one time I did sleep, I had horrible nightmares. MMB: It's a side effect. Same thing happened to me. Aurora: It did? MMB: I had them for months. Charming - my husband - he used to wake me. When I cried out, he'd light a candle. He said it would capture the nightmares. He'd watch over me as I fell back to sleep. Aurora: Sounds like he lives up to his name. MMB: Yeah. Um... Why don't you try... To sleep? I'll watch over you. You'll be safe. Aurora: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook and Emma reach the top of the beanstalk, to find a giant, destitute looking castle.) Emma: What happened here? Hook: It's where the final battle was. Give me your hand. Emma: What? Hook: Your hand - it's cut. Let me help you. Emma: No, no. It's fine. Hook: No, it's not. Emma: So, now you're going to be a gentleman? Hook: Giants can smell blood. And I'm always a gentleman. (Hook uncorks a bottle and pours its contents over Emma's bloody hand. She cringes in pain.) Emma: Ah! Ow! What the hell is that? Hook: It's rum. A bloody waste of it. (Hook ties a piece of fabric around Emma's injury.) Hook: Now here's the plan - we wait for the giant to fall asleep. And when he does, we'll sneak past him into his cave. It's where the treasures are - where the compass lies. Emma: And then? Hook: And then we run like hell. Emma: I don't have time to wait for a giant to fall asleep. The powder Mulan gave us - we need to use it. We got to knock him out. Hook: Well, that's riskier. Emma: Than waiting for a giant to fall asleep when we need him to? Hook: Point taken. Oo, you're a tough lass. You'd make a hell of a pirate. Emma: Who's Milah on the tattoo? Hook: Someone from long ago. Emma: Where is she? Hook: She's gone. Emma: Gold. Rumpelstiltskin. He took more than your hand from you, didn't he? That's why you want to kill him. Hook: For someone who's never been in love, you're quite perceptive, aren't you? Emma: Maybe I was, once. -[Past Real World]- (Emma is waiting for Neal by a tree. When he arrives she holds up a paper bag.) Emma: I got doughnuts. I got jelly. What's wrong? Neal: Nothing. Emma: No, no. Hey. What's wrong? Neal: This was on the wall at the post office. (He hands Emma a 'wanted' poster searching for Neal Cassidy.) Neal: I didn't even know they did that still. Emma: When did this happen? Neal: I was a janitor in Phoenix - this high-end jewelry place. The manager was a drunk. He would forget to lock the case to the expensive watches. Emma: Neal... Neal: I resisted - twice! The third time, this guy's just asking to get took. So I... I grabbed a couple cases of watches, and I hopped on a train to Portland. The store's got insurance. Anyway, I stashed 'em in a locker at the train station. They're still there. It's not... It's hardly stealing. Emma: So, you got away clean. Neal: I didn't get away clean. The manager may have been a drunk, but the security cameras are stone sober. I thought this heat had died down, but it hasn't. I'm sorry. Tallahassee's out. I got to go to Canada. Emma: That's fine. I like maple syrup. Neal: I got to go to Canada alone. Emma: Why? Neal: If I get caught and you're with me, you're in trouble- Emma: You're not going to get caught. Neal: How can you say that? You think crossing the border's easy? Emma: We get fake IDs and passports. Neal: Those cost money. We have a stolen car. Emma: We make it legit. We take a VIN number off of another car. Neal: Emma, I'm not going to have you in the seat next to me with twenty thousand- Emma: Wait, wait! Seriously. Wait, wait, wait. What if I go and get the watches out of the locker? No one's looking for me. We can... We can fence them, and then we have the money. We can do whatever we want. We can go wherever we want, right? We could change our identities and go to Tallahassee. Neal: So you... You want to steal the watches, to help me with get away with stealing the watches? Emma: Yes. That is exactly what I want to do. Neal: I can't let you risk everything- Emma: I love you. Neal: I love you, too. You think you can do it? Emma: I know I can. -[Present Fairy Tale World]- (Emma, armed with the poppy powder, has perched herself on top of a statue near the entrance of the castle. Hook, still on the ground, has found a bone.) Hook: You ready? Emma: Yeah. (Hook bangs a metal shield with the bone, the noise causing the giant to awaken. The giant exits the castle, and Emma realizes that the giant is far taller than the statue she's sitting on.) Emma: Oh, damn it. (Hook begins to provoke the giant with taunts as he slowly leads the giant to the direction of Emma.) Hook: Hey! You big git! Yeah, you. Huh? You want to kill a human? Huh? You want to kill a human? Well, I'm the worst human around. Come on. Come on, then! Come on, then! (When the giant leads over to grab Hook, Emma throws the poppy powder in his face. The giant is knocked unconscious and falls to the ground. However, Hook is nowhere in sight.) Emma: Hook? Hook! (Hook appears from behind the giant.) Hook: He's out cold. I don't mean to upset you, Emma, but I think we make quite the team. Emma: Let's go steal a compass. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mulan checks the sundial and sees that it has almost been ten hours since Hook and Emma left. Aurora thrashes in her sleep, seemingly in the throes of a nightmare. Mary Margaret wakes her up.) MMB: Hey. Aurora? It was just a dream. It was just a dream. Aurora: It was horrible. MMB: Why don't you tell me about it? Do you want to tell me about it? Come on - let's stand. Tell me. Aurora: It was the same as last time. I was in this room. This... This red room. It was bright. Blood-red curtains. There was no windows or doors, so it didn't make sense, and I couldn't get in or out. I was trapped. The curtains - they were on fire. It was horrible. MMB: It's okay. Aurora: I was hunched in a corner, and I looked over into the other corner. And in the shadows, there was someone else there. I just see his eyes. He was looking right at me. MMB: It's okay. It's over now. These nightmares... They will fade away. I promise. Aurora: Did they for you? MMB: Yeah. Come on. Come on. I'll sit with you until you fall back asleep. Who else do I have to take care of? [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Hook enter a room filled with treasures.) Hook: They hoarded all of their greatest stolen treasures in here. Piles of jewels, and every room filled with coins. Emma: Let's get to it. The compass. Hook: What's your rush? Emma: How long do you think magic knockout powder lasts? Hook: I have no clue. Emma: That's my rush. Hook: Too right, lass. Come. Everything we need is right in front of us. -[Past Real World]- (Emma nervously stands in front of the lockers at the train station. Nearby, she sees two cops talking. Holding the key, she scans the locker for the correct one. She hesitantly unlocks the locker and pulls out the bag of watches. Successful, she then exits the station.) -[Present Fairy Tale World]- (Emma and Hook continue to explore the treasure room.) Emma: They kill all the giant housekeepers, too? How we going to find a compass in this mess? Hook: By looking. Start searching. I wonder how much treasure we could carry down the beanstalk. ...In addition to the compass, of course. (They come across a skeleton holding a sword. 'Jack' is etched into the blade.) Emma: What the hell? Hook: That... Would be Jack. Emma: As in Jack... Hook: The giant killer. Emma: With that toothpick? Hook: Well, it packs quite a wallop. You'd be surprised. (When Hook goes to keep walking, Emma stops him by pulling him into her arms.) Emma: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hook: It's about bloody time. Emma: It's a trip wire. Quite a security system. (They look up to see a cage attached to the trip wire.) Hook: Well, that's a plausible excuse for grabbing me, but next time don't stand on ceremony. Emma: Let's find the compass and go home. After you. -[Past Real World]- (Emma rushes into the car, where Neal is waiting for her.) Neal: Oh, thank God. (She hands him the bag and they kiss.) Emma: Let's see 'em. (He takes out the case of watches and opens the lid.) Emma: That's not as many as I thought. Neal: Yeah, but they're super pricey. This is twenty thousand dollars, easy. Emma: Twenty thousand?! Tallahassee... Neal: Listen, I'm going to go meet the fence. I'll meet you with the money. Remember where? The parking structure by the tracks. Emma: Yes. Neal: Nine o'clock, sharp. This is so there's no mix-ups... (Neal takes out one of the watches and fastens it around Emma's wrist.) Emma: So, I guess we're keeping this one? Neal: How can we not? Look how good it looks on you. (They kiss, again.) Neal: Tallahassee, baby. We're almost home. (Neal exits the car with the bag.) Emma: Home... [SCENE_BREAK] (Neal is walking down a dark street with the watches. A man appears, and begins to follow him. Neal attempts to appear composed, but then decides to make a run for it. The man chases after him into an alley, where Neal tries to jump a fence. The man grabs him and pulls him to the ground before he can scale it. The man turns out to be August.) Neal: You got the wrong guy, officer! I wasn't even jaywalking! August: It's not like that. You want to protect Emma? Come with me. Neal: What? August: Get up. Neal: How do you know Emma? August: Name's August. And it's a long story, but trust me - you want to hear it. Neal: Alright, August. If you're not a cop, who are you? You got two minutes. August: Think of me as Emma's guardian angel. Neal: Guardian angel? I'd say you've been doing a pretty crap job. August: I've been looking for her for the past two years. Now I finally find her, and she's robbing convenience stores with some deadbeat. Tell me again who's doing the crap job. Neal: Let me tell you something. I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her. Two years? Where were you the rest of her life? August: I'm not perfect. This world? Full of temptations. Turns out I'm not that great at saying no. I'm not built that way. But, I'm here now. Neal: So who are you? August: We were in the same home as kids, and I thought she'd be safe inside the system. But now that she's out? Back then, I promised I would take care of her. Neal: Well, we promised to take care of each other. August: You love her. Good. That means you have to do right by her. Neal: That's all I'm trying to do. August: Then leave her. Neal: Never. August: She has a destiny. And you? This life? You're going to keep her from it. Okay? You believe in magic? Neal: I take it you do. August: So will you. Trust me. I'm going to show you something... Something that's going to make you look at everything differently. And, when you see what I have in here, you're going to listen. You're going to believe every word I say. (August leads Neal to his motorcycle, where he has a box attached to the back. He opens the lid.) Neal: Yeah, right. (Neal looks at the contents inside the box. August shuts it before it's shown what's inside.) Neal: Okay, I'm listening. August: There's a curse... And it needs to be broken. Emma, is the key. I was tasked with keeping her on track and you, my friend, just got caught in the crossfire. Now, I'm going to tell you a story. And, at the end of it, you're going to have to make a decision. Will you do the right thing, or not? So... Are you ready? [SCENE_BREAK] (At the parking structure, Emma is waiting for Neal. She attempts to call him, but gets an 'out of service' error.) Emma: Damn right it's an error. (A cop appears, armed with a gun.) Cop: Unless he set you up. Hands above your head please, miss. Emma: Wait. Why? Cop: Possession of stolen goods. Left you holding. Emma: I have nothing. Cop: Sorry to tell you, but your boy took off. Probably in Canada by now. He called in a tip - told us to take a look at the surveillance footage at the train station. Give me the watch. Now! (Emma begins to unfasten the watch.) Cop: You know your rights? Emma: Yeah. (She hands the watch to the cop, and he goes to handcuff her.) Cop: Good girl. Turn around. Where's the rest of the watches? Emma: They're gone. They're not coming back. Cop: Let's go. -[Present Fairy Tale World]- (Hook and Emma are still in the treasure room.) Emma: So it's just...in here somewhere? Hook: Allegedly. Give me a boost would you, love? Emma: So I can't see what you're pocketing? No way. You give me a boost. Hook: Try something new, darling. It's called trust. Emma: We do it side by side and fast. Who knows how long before the- (The giant's footsteps are heard in the distance.) Hook: Someone's up. Quickly. Get under something. (The giant charges into the treasure room, the stomping causing part of the ceiling to cave in. Debris falls onto where Hook is standing.) Emma: Hook? (The giant then charges at Emma. He reaches down to grab her.) -[Past Real World]- (Two months later, in Vancouver, Neal meets with August.) August: Been a while. Where'd you go? Neal: Tried to lose myself. It didn't work. I want to talk to you about Emma. August: I hope you're not trying to reach out. Neal: I just... I feel like... If... If I knew that she was okay, then I could move on. Is she? August: She will be. She got eleven months. Neal: That should be me! I should be doing that time. August: No. We went over this. It's good. Neal: How's it good? August: It's a minimum security place in Phoenix. And no, I am not going to tell you which one. She'll get out of there, and she'll be fine. You keep your promise and steer clear, and she can have a good life. She can do what she's supposed to do. Neal: And if I can't be there for her, man, you got to promise me that you will be. August: I promise. Neal: Then you should do something for me. I was able to fence the watches. Don't judge me. I'm giving it all to her. And the car - I got a clean VIN number for it, so it's legit. I just... It'll feel like I'm there with her, you know? August: Money is not what she needs. Not for what's ahead. Neal: Can you just see that she gets it? August: Sure. Neal: And one more thing - if anything changes, and she does her job, this insanity ends, and she's free... August: I'll send you a postcard. -[Present Fairy Tale World]- (Emma is struggling in the giant's fist.) Emma: I'm not what you think! Giant: You're a thief, and you poisoned me. So yeah, I'm pretty sure you're exactly what I think. Emma: No. Look, you have a compass. I need it. Giant: I don't care what you need. (The giant tightens his grip, as Emma struggles to breathe.) Emma: No, for my son! To save my son! Don't you have a family? Giant: No. Because humans killed them all. (Emma's vision begins to fade, when she bites the giant's hand. He drops her, and she runs in the direction of Jack's skeleton. She jumps over the trip wire and grabs Jack's sword, which Emma then uses to set off the trap. The cage falls onto the giant, trapping him.) Emma: Nice security system. Efficient. (She points the sword towards the giant's face.) Giant: No. No! No! No! No! Emma: I can tell by your face you know what this is. Let me guess - it's dipped in some sort of poison. You have a compass. I need it. Giant: You're going to kill me either way. Go ahead. Kill me. Emma: You don't know me. Giant: I know your kind. They massacred us, and destroyed our beans. Emma: I heard it the other way. Giant: That's because the victors get to tell the story. (Emma pokes the sword closer.) Giant: Okay! Stop. Here. (He slides the compass across the floor. Emma retrieves it.) Giant: See? I'm not the bad guy. Emma: Maybe you are telling the truth. Doesn't really matter. I have to go. Are there any more of you? Giant: No. I'm alone. (Emma spots a shriveled looking bean attached to the giant's necklace.) Emma: What's this? Is this a bean? Can this make a portal? Giant: Not anymore. It was destroyed like the rest of them. I wear it as a reminder... A reminder that you're all killers. (Emma points the sword towards him, again.) Emma: You're wrong. (Emma lowers her sword and starts to walk away. When her back is turned, the giant breaks free from the cage. The giant grabs a boulder that is covering a tunnel that leads outside, and throws it across the room.) Giant: Go. Emma: Why? Giant: Because you could've killed me, and you didn't. You get one favour. Now go, before I change my mind. (Emma turns to leave, but stops.) Emma: Actually... I get two favours. Giant: What? Emma: Well, the way I see it, I could've killed you twice - the poison and when you were knocked out. I didn't. Giant: What do you want? [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma pulls Hook out from under the debris.) Emma: Hook. Hook: You are bloody brilliant. Amazing. May I see it? The compass. (Emma holds out the compass for Hook to see.) Hook: It's more beautiful than legend. (Suspicious, Emma withdraws her hand and pockets the compass.) Hook: Come. Let's go. (Hook extends his hand to Emma, but, instead of taking it, Emma grabs a nearby shackle and chains Hook to the wall.) Hook: What are you doing? What are you doing? Emma: Hook, I... I... I can't... Hook: Emma, look at me. Have I told you a lie? I brought you here. I risked my own safety to help you. The compass is in your hand. Why do this to me now? Emma: I can't take a chance that I'm wrong about you. I'm sorry. Hook: You're sorry? You're sorry?! I got you here! I got you the compass! Emma: I got the compass. Hook: Well, you're just going to leave me here to die? Have that beast to eat me, to crush my bones? Emma: He's not a beast. And you're not going to die. I just need a head start - that's all. Hook: Swan. Swan! Swan! [SCENE_BREAK] (Mulan checks the sundial and sees that it has been ten hours. Mary Margaret is still watching Aurora as she sleeps. Mulan draws her sword and heads towards the beanstalk.) MMB: Whoa, wait! What are you doing? Mulan: Just stay back. Emma gave me ten hours. MMB: No, no, no! Aurora: What, you're just going to leave her to die? Mulan: Ten hours. She may already be dead. Aurora: No, st- (Mulan strikes the beanstalk with her sword. A surge of magic travels up it.) MMB: No! Aurora: No, stop! (Mary Margaret rushes towards Mulan and tackles her to the ground. The two of them fight on the ground.) Aurora: Stop! Stop! Mulan: This was your daughter's wish! MMB: I don't care what you say! You do not put my daughter in danger! Emma: Stop! (Emma jumps down from the beanstalk. Mary Margaret and Mulan stop fight.) MMB: Emma! You okay? Emma: Two earthquakes and a jump from a beanstalk. I think my brain's still rattling around a little. Mulan: I did what she ordered, nothing more than that. Did you get it? Emma: Yep. Aurora: W-Where's Hook? Emma: He's detained. Let's go. Get your stuff. We got ten hours before he follows us. MMB: What? How? Emma: I got a friend looking after him till then. MMB: You told her to cut it down? Emma: Yes. I couldn't risk- MMB: We go back together. That is the only way. Do you understand? (They hug.) Emma: Yeah... MMB: Good. Now, let's go get that dust from Cora. Emma: Yeah, and go home. -[Past Real World]- (Still eleven years prior, Emma is sitting in a jail cell in Phoenix, Arizona. A guard enters with a brown envelope.) Guard: Swan, you got mail. Know anyone in Phuket? I've got to open this in front of you. Those are the rules. Okay. (The guard holds up a set of car keys attached to the stolen swan keychain.) Guard: Look - car keys. Hope you got the car it goes with. Nothing else. No letter. Sorry. But, good news - you get a car when you get out. And a baby. Congratulations. (The camera pans to the positive pregnancy test in Emma's hands.) -[Real World]- (At Mary Margaret's apartment, Henry suddenly bolts up in bed and screams. David rushes down the stairs to check on him.) David: Henry? Henry? Hey, hey, hey, hey. You're okay, you're okay. You're okay, you're okay. Henry: I... I just had the worst nightmare. David: It's over now. Henry: Okay. David: Okay? Here. This will help. (David lights a candle next to Henry's bed.) Henry: A candle? David: Yeah. They keep the nightmares away. Now, talk to me. What was so bad? Henry: I... I was in this room, and... And it was red. And there was no doors, no windows. And these curtains... And they were on fire. And... I was in this corner. David: Right. Henry: And... And... And... And I was looking out, and there was someone else there. She was staring at me through the flames. Th-Then I woke up and... David: Hey, don't worry, alright? It was just a bad dream. -[End]-
Plan: A: a magical compass; Q: What does Emma hope to find that will help her and Mary Margaret get back to Storybrooke? A: a not-too-trustworthy Captain Hook; Q: Who does Emma take a journey with? A: a treacherous beanstalk; Q: What does Captain Hook take Emma up? A: a murderous giant; Q: Who does Emma try to steal the magical compass from? A: Emma's past; Q: What is revealed to be anything but magical? A: a fellow thief; Q: Who wants to make Emma an honest woman? Summary: With the hopes of finding a magical compass that could help her and Mary Margaret get back to Storybrooke, Emma takes a journey with a not-too-trustworthy Captain Hook up a treacherous beanstalk in an attempt to steal the item from a murderous giant. Meanwhile, Emma's past is revealed to be anything but magical when she meets up with a fellow thief who wants to make an honest woman out of her.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars� The morning after Shelly Pomroy's party, Veronica lifts off the covers and sits up, picking her knickers up off the floor (from 101 Pilot). VERONICA: [Offscreen] I need to report� Veronica and Inga from the same episode. VERONICA: �a crime. LAMB: [Offscreen] Is there� Cut to a new scene of Veronica walking from Shelly Pomroy's the morning after. She passes her car. Written on the windscreen, on the passenger's side, is the word "SLUT" with an arrow pointing to a large circle over the driver's side. On the back window: ABEL IT Should've BEEN HER LAMB: �anyone in particular you'd like me to arrest or should I just round up the sons� Cut to Lamb's office (from 101 Pilot). LAMB: �of the most important families in town? Cut to Clarence Wiedman holding up a bug for Alicia to see (from 120 "MAD"). WIEDMAN: You know what this is? [Alicia shakes her head] A bug. I found it in that houseplant. You know who delivered it? Your son. Cut to Mars Investigations from the same episode. VERONICA: Fifty grand? Not bad. KEITH: Money for nothing. VERONICA: It might not be as easy as you think. KEITH: Duncan Kane? I think I'll be able to track him down. Cut to Logan and Veronica outside the Echolls house (from 119 "Hot Dogs"). LOGAN: I loved Lilly and Lilly loved guys. It's okay. I don't have to feel guilty anymore. VERONICA: Feel guilty about what? Cut to them kissing from the same episode. VERONICA: What are we doing? Logan laughs. Cut to Veronica questioning Tad as he's taped to the flagpole (from 120 "MAD"). VERONICA: Who gave you the rohypnol the night of Shelly Pomeroy's party. TAD: It was Logan Echolls. Cut to Logan, waiting in vain for Veronica from the same episode. End previouslies. Open with caption: Havana, Cuba. Varoius scenes of life in Cuba narrow to a caf� and a waiter who passes a man whose face is obscured by a broadsheet newspaper, "The Globe and Mail". As he folds the paper down, it is revealed to be Duncan, with a beard. He hears a voice. KEITH: Buenos dias Duncan is surprised to see him sitting at his table. KEITH: I know. Of all the countries under military dictatorship in all the world. DUNCAN: So did they give you the jet to take me back home? Or am I supposed to click my heels? KEITH: It's a hell of a job you did with the fake passport, by the way. DUNCAN: Do you think I killed Lilly? KEITH: I don't know who killed your sister, Duncan. I only know it wasn't Abel Koontz. DUNCAN: I know it wasn't me. Cut to a painted surfboard, being lovingly stroked, in the back of a pickup. DICK: Randy just finished shaping it for me. Double concave bottom with the sweetest little rocker through the tail. Dick is showing off the board to Logan.. LOGAN: Ooh and you dinged it your first time out? DICK: [Horrified] What? [Not amused at Logan's joke] Dude, so not laughing. This is my child. LOGAN: Okay, dude, the thought of you breeding�ahh. [Spots Veronica] Mazel tov. Logan runs and skips to catch up with her. She ignores him and hurries away. LOGAN: Hey, Veronica. Hey, will you stop for two seconds? Weevil steps in Logan's path, preventing his from following her. WEEVIL: You see when they run away like that, it's kind of a hint they're not interested. LOGAN: Look, you do not want to start with me today, paco. WEEVIL: Are you sure? It was in my day planner under goals. LOGAN: How is this your business? WEEVIL: Well I'm just looking out for Veronica. So if you think you're going to lay a hand on her the way you did Lilly... LOGAN: Don't you even say her name. WEEVIL: Actually, she kind of liked it when I said her name. Logan pushes Weevil in the chest. He stumbles back, smiling and not phased at all. LOGAN: You think she had any real interest in you? You're a pork rind. You're what people grab when they're stoned and just want garbage. WEEVIL: What makes it worse? Thinking she had feelings for me, or that she was using me for s*x? Logan grabs Weevil's leather jacket and pulls him close. LOGAN: [Softly, dangerously] You stay away from Veronica. WEEVIL: I'm not the one she's running away from. The pissing contest is interrupted by the coach. COACH: Gentlemen... Logan turns his hold on Weevil to adjusting his jacket. WEEVIL: Thanks. Cut to Veronica having a shower. She hears Backup barking. Cut to her in her bathrobe, comforting Backup. VERONICA: What is it, buddy? Hey, what is it? She checks the door, looking behind the blind over the window in the door. Logan is outside. She gasps and pulls back, not sure what to do. LOGAN: I'm not leaving. She takes a deep breath and opens the door. VERONICA: It's kind of a bad time. LOGAN: Okay. So I should come back when, never? That work for you? She stares at him. LOGAN: What did I do, Veronica? Can you just tell me so that I can a-a-apologise or explain?! VERONICA: Explain. Okay. Explain to me why you were the one with GHB the night of Shelly Pomeroy's party when someone drugged and raped me. VERONICA: Explanation? Apology? LOGAN: You were raped? Logan leans forward as if to hold her. VERONICA: Okay, don't! Seriously! He holds back. LOGAN: What happened to you? VERONICA: You tell me. LOGAN: Wait. Wait a second, you think- VERONICA: I was told you were the one with the drugs. LOGAN: Yeah. I got some Liquid X when I was in Tijuana with Luke and Sean. We were just gonna have some fun. VERONICA: Fun? Like s*x with unconscious people fun? LOGAN: No, fun like go to a rave fun. VERONICA: Oh. Okay. You've convinced me. Bygones. LOGAN: What can I do? What can I do to make it better? VERONICA: I'm going to find out who did this to me and I'm going to make them pay. Even if it was you. Logan, upset, stares at her. VERONICA: Sorry. I have to go throw up now. Veronica shuts the door in his face. Opening credits. Open on Neptune High. Veronica slowly walks up the school hallway, then pauses. VERONICA VOICEOVER: As a rule, people that hate you aren't that helpful. There were about a hundred people at Shelly's party. Ninety-eight of them would walk over my corpse for free gum. [Walks forward] My 09er resources are limited but I do have a few people I can count on. She approaches Meg, standing at her open locker. MEG: Um, can we skip English today? I have some sort of Hemingway related narcolepsy. You start talking about "The Sun Also Rises" and I start falling asleep. VERONICA: Don't blame Papa, blame Mrs Murphy's monotone. Hey, you were at Shelly Pomroy's end of the year party, right? Meg is wary. MEG: Uh, yeah, yeah for a little while. VERONICA: Did you see me there? MEG: Why? VERONICA: I just want to know, my memories a little fuzzy about that night. MEG: Yep, maybe that's a good thing. VERONICA: So you did see me. MEG: For like a second. I was with Cole and we were just leaving. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Meg approaches Cole. MEG: I didn't even say goodbye to Shelly. COLE: You talk to her like fifty times a day, come on. They look over at the sound of a crowd, whooping it up. COLE: Unless you want to stick around for some body shots. Veronica is on the sun lounger, a crowd gathered round her. Logan has poured salt on her chest and put a piece of lime in her mouth. Another boy is leaning over her, licking off the salt. MEG: Someone should help her. COLE: Come on, let's go. I'm not ending the night with Veronica Mars puking in my car. MEG: We can't leave her like that. Cole looks over at the scene and sees someone push the boy off Veronica. COLE: Look, someone's got her. Meg looks back. Veronica's rescuer has got her off the sun lounger. Logan complains. LOGAN: Hey, dude, you can't be the cavalry and the martyr... Meg shrugs and leaves with Cole. Cut to the present as Meg walks away from her locker. VERONICA: You don't know who helped me? Meg shakes her head. MEG: No, so that's your big high school related embarrassing moment. Everyone's got one, right? You got to let it go. You'll make yourself crazy. Meg wanders off as Veronica, with furrowed brow, ponders. Cut to an airport. A small private jet is being met by Celeste Kane and Clarence Wiedman. Duncan exits and walks towards his mother as Wiedman heads towards the plane. PILOT: Watch your step sir. As Duncan is greeted by his mother with a kiss, Keith disembarks and is met by Wiedman. WIEDMAN: Mr Mars, well done. KEITH: Thanks. WIEDMAN: Well done. Maybe your daughter has a future in travel planning. KEITH: And if she gets a discount and I travel the world, I'll be sure to send you a postcard. You can hang it in your cell. Keith pats Wiedman on the arm then walks towards Celeste. CELESTE: Keith, thank you. I don't know what we would have done. KEITH: I'm happy everything worked out. I know you're anxious to get home so just stop by the office when it's convenient and we'll finish up. CELESTE: Finish up? KEITH: I'm referring to the reward. CELESTE: You might want to speak to your daughter about that. Veronica and I had an arrangement. You just met her end of the bargain. Celeste half-smiles and turns, getting into the car. She closes the door. CELESTE: You have no idea what the past few weeks have been like. [Handing Duncan a bottle of water] Next time you run away, take your medication with you. Celeste hands Duncan a bottle of pills. He takes them unenthusiastically and stares at them for a moment. He looks out of the window. DUNCAN: Empty stomach. Celeste sighs. Cut to Neptune High, the outdoor area. Veronica approaches Luke, sitting at one of the tables. VERONICA: Remember when I saved you from drug dealers and I said I may call upon you for a favour someday. LUKE: You didn't say that. VERONICA: It was implied. Veronica sits opposite Luke. LUKE: [Laughing] Okay, what can I do you for. VERONICA: Nice. Uh, I heard you went to TJ with Sean and Logan and scored some GHB. LUKE: Wow, that was like, ah, that was like a year ago. I don't have any now. VERONICA: I was gonna spike your juice box and have my way with you. Luke laughs again. VERONICA: What'd you do with it? LUKE: [Quickly] Nothing. Honestly, I-I didn't do anything, I gave it away. VERONICA: Who'd you give it to? LUKE: Um, Dick Casablancas. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Luke, Sean, Dick and Casey are toasting with shots. They look over and see Beaver, talking initimately with a girl. DICK: Look at that. Beaver's getting all the lovin', Dick's flapping out in the breeze. LUKE: Please, you have like the hottest girlfriend ever. DICK: Much like fake boobs, you know. Great to look at but they don't do as much as you'd like them to. SEAN: Wait'll you get a couple of drinks in her. DICK: She's on fricking Atkins. Did you guys get some stuff in TJ? SEAN: I'm saving it for a special occasion. And this isn't it. Dick looks over at Luke who just laughs. Madison appears in the middle of them. MADISON: [Crossly] Who invited Veronica Mars? Huh? Dick starts to rub her shoulders. DICK: Why do you let this stuff get to you? Look at you, you're all tense. She grabs his hand and thrusts it away. MADISON: Can you not be all over me for five seconds? She eye rolls, turns and stalks off. The other guys laugh. Dick holds out his hand to Luke. LUKE: All right. Luke hands Dick his GHB. Return to the present. VERONICA: So Dick drugged Madison? LUKE: Well, he-he asked for two doses and I, so I just, I figured he was gonna take one and ask her to take the other one but, um, I'm pretty sure she didn't. VERONICA: How do you know that? LUKE: You're not gonna like this part. Flashback to the street outside Shelly Pomroy's party. Luke, still drinking is past Veronica's parked LeBaron when another car pulls up in front of it. Madison, now in jeans, jumps out of the car and races to the LeBaron with an aerosol can in her hand. MADISON: Stringy haired white trash. She starts to spray the LeBaron's windscreen. LUKE: [Offscreen] As I understand it, GHB is supposed to make you nicer. Cut to the present. VERONICA: Why would Madison do that? LUKE: Uh, I don't know. 'Cause she's a horrible human being? Cut to a girls' bathroom. Madison, now a brunette, is preening in front of the mirror. Veronica appears in the mirror, standing behind her. VERONICA: You can keep asking, but you're not the fairest, trust me. MADISON: I can tell you who the pastiest is. What's the deal, can't buy bronzer with food stamps? VERONICA: You wrote slut on my car last year at Shelly's party. Why? Madison turns and faces Veronica. MADISON: Because whore had too many letters. VERONICA: I have never done anything to you, up 'til now. MADISON: Whatever, Veronica. VERONICA: Oh, like what? MADISON: How 'bout making out with my boyfriend in front of an entire party. [Off Veronica's disbelieving look] I guess I shouldn't take that personally, though, huh? You pretty much made out with everyone. VERONICA: I don't believe you. MADISON: Are you kidding? Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Casey is on a couch, Dick leaning over him, shaking hands. Playing in the background is Saucy Monky's cover of "I Touch Myself". Veronica, in party animal mood, races up behind Dick. CASEY: What's up Dick? How's it going? VERONICA: [Singing] �anybody else� She grabs Dick, spins him round and dances up close and personal. VERONICA: �When I think about you I touch myself. She pushes him down onto the couch, falling on top of him, She runs her fingers through his hair. VERONICA: You have the best hair. DICK: You like that, huh? Veronica kisses Dick. Madison watches in horror. Dick spots Madison when he comes up for air. DICK: Come on, that's not cool. He pushes her away and Veronica crawls over him to land on top of Casey. VERONICA: You think that's cool though don't you, Case? She kisses Casey. Cut to the present. Veronica cannot believe what she is hearing. VERONICA: I made out with Dick and Casey? MADISON: Please. You made out with the garage door. And don't even start with the "I was so wasted". VERONICA: I wasn't drunk, I was drugged. Someone put GHB in my drink. Madison is momentarily stunned, then sceptical. MADISON: Yeah. Cut to Veronica arriving outside the door to the Mars' apartment. She pauses when she hears Alicia's raised voice. ALICIA: [Offscreen] She could have gotten me fired, Keith. How is that not a big deal to you. In the apartment, Alicia is facing Keith over the kitchen counter. KEITH: I didn't say it wasn't. ALICIA: She put a listening device in a plant, had my son deliver it to my place of business! KEITH: And she has her reasons. ALICIA: Her reasons? She's seventeen! KEITH: She's not your average seventeen year-old. ALICIA: Well, how can she be when you treat her like she forty. Veronica enters the apartment. VERONICA: Mrs Fennel. I-I'm so sorry but Clarence Wiedman knew that I would- KEITH: Veronica. VERONICA: Just let me explain. KEITH: No, you just give us a minute. VERONICA: Dad, if I could just explain. KEITH: [Sharply] Veronica, go to your room, now. Veronica stares at her father in surprise. He doesn't back down and she complies, heading for her room. VERONICA: Fine. But he bugged me first. Veronica goes to her room and Alicia looks at Keith. ALICIA: He bugged her first? Cut to later. Veronica is lying on her bed, listening to music. There's a soft knock at the door. She takes out the earplugs as Keith enters. KEITH: Duncan's okay, he's back home. [Sitting on the bed] His parents are gonna keep him home a couple of days, let him rest. VERONICA: I'm so sorry, Dad. KEITH: Stop, it's okay. VERONICA: It's my fault. I'm the one who gave Wallace a bugged plant. KEITH: Veronica. Did you make some kind of deal with Celeste Kane that I don't know about? VERONICA: I�told her I'd look for Duncan if she released Weevil. KEITH: Well, she said she wouldn't pay the reward. She said that we're even now. It's ridiculous of course, they'll pay. She's just enjoying the moment. VERONICA: She's a witch. KEITH: Veronica. What if you started looking for another job? Selling clothes or something. VERONICA: What? KEITH: I just can't help think that�your life would be better if you weren't working for me. VERONICA: [Sits up] Are you kidding me? You're the best father in the world. I mean, come on, look at me. I'm healthy, happy, good grades, all my own teeth, [gnashes her teeth to illustrate, then leans back slightly to raise up one foot, rotating at the ankle] fancy shoes. She drops her foot back on the bed VERONICA: [Sincerely] I never would have gotten through this past year if it wasn't for you. KEITH: If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have to. Veronica furrows her brow. Keith leans forward and kisses it, then leaves. Cut to Neptune High. Casey is walking through the car park. Veronica joins him. VERONICA: Hey, stranger. CASEY: What's up Veronica? VERONICA: Kind of an awkward question. Do you remember Shelly's end of the year party? I know it was a while ago. CASEY: Not really. Look, I've gotta get some stuff done before class. See you around, okay. Blowing her off, Casey speeds ahead. VERONICA: Oh yeah. I was just wondering how you've been, you know, without your grandmother. Casey turns back and walks back to her. CASEY: I've been good. Got my priorities in check. No more throwing my family's money at strangers so I can eat S'Mores and listen to bad folk music. What was the awkward question? VERONICA: Did I hit on you at Shelly's party? CASEY: [Thinks] No. VERONICA: Did it get ugly at Shelly's? CASEY: [Smiles] Oh, yeah. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Dick is dancing to the Saucy Monky track. Veronica, out of it, stumbles into him. He grabs her. DICK: [Singing] I don't want anybody else. When I think about you, I touch myself. Dick, gripping Veronica's hands, runs them over his chest. He then pulls her down on top of him onto the couch. Veronica tries to get up, her hand in his hair for leverage. DICK: You like grabbing hair, huh? That's nice, huh. Dick kisses her. Madison stares at them with horror. Dick spots her and breaks off the kiss. He pushes her onto Casey. DICK: Why don't you go see Uncle Casey. CASEY: Oh, no thanks. I like mine to be able to stand on their own power. Casey pushes her off and to a standing position. Cut to present. VERONICA: Well, I'm gonna go drink some bleach now. CASEY: You know, just a thought. If you don't remember much about that party, maybe you should leave it that way. VERONICA: Can I guess that means you saw something else? Casey's expression is affirmative. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Dick is feeding Veronica a shot."I Like That" by Houston with Chingy and Nate Dogg is playing in the background. VERONICA: I have to go home. DICK: You are home. SEAN: See there's your pool and your hot tub and your big mansion. Veronica is on the couch again with Dick next to her. Beaver and Sean are behind and Shelly is sitting facing her. SEAN: And here's a hot foreign exchange student who's been living with your family. Now, [pouring another shot down her] I know you've had your eye on her and that's okay, it's perfectly natural. Shelly is all up for kissing Veronica. CASEY: [Present day, offscreen] Some of the guys thought it would be cool to see you make out with Shelly. Cut to present day. VERONICA: They were feeding me shots? CASEY: Guess they were afraid you were sobering up. Casey walks off. Veronica takes a shuddering breath. Cut to Veronica at her locker. Everything from it is on the floor and she is wiping down the inside. Wallace passes her, glancing at the pile on the floor and heads for his own locker. Veronica withdraws her hand, holding a very dirty cloth, from her locker and turns to Wallace, nose wrinkled. VERONICA: Ugh. This is why I need to keep my walkie-talkies in my car. Muck. WALLACE: Really? The dirt? See, I find I hardly need my walkie-talkies at school at all. But that's me. VERONICA: Wallace. I'm so sorry I had you bug Kane Software. I honestly thought no one would find out and if I knew that your mom was gonna get in trouble- WALLACE: Stop! I'm not stupid. I know I wasn't just delivering a plant. I could've said no. Wallace opens his locker, with something on his mind. WALLACE: You know, I do these things for you and I never ask you why. VERONICA: I know. WALLACE: You know why? Because I know you would never tell me. VERONICA: I'd do the same for you. WALLACE: Logan Echolls used one of the absence slips I took for you. VERONICA: You checked the absence slips? WALLACE: You, I do favours for. My friends, I put my butt on the line for. That guy doesn't even know my name. You wanna tell me why I'm helping him out? VERONICA: You're not. WALLACE: You sure about that? VERONICA: I needed him for something with his mother's case. I-it was just loose ends and stuff. That's it. Wallace knows she's lying. WALLACE: Thanks. Now that I have all the details, I don't feel like such a chump. He snaps his locker shut and walks away. Veronica gazes after him guiltily. Cut to a classroom. Sean is seated the wrong way astride a chair, hugging the back. Another student is standing in front of them and they are talking. Veronica hurries in, grabs a chair and swings it to abut it to Sean's at the same time physically pushing the other student away. She sits astride the chair, arms folded on the back of it, nose to nose with Sean. SEAN: What? VERONICA: I'm just thinking of all the ways I can destroy you. SEAN: Well you sitting there grinning is kind of torturous. VERONICA: So Shelly Pomroy and I were thinking of getting together later for a little girl-on-girl, you wanna come with? Sean is distinctly uncomfortable. VERONICA: Wow. You know, when you're about to soil yourself, you get a little twitch right in your eye. SEAN: I have no idea what you're talking about. VERONICA: Sure you do. And unless you want me to tell one of my favourite local deputies that you were the one with GHB the night of Shelly's party, I know you were feeding me drinks. SEAN: Look, I wasn't feeding you drinks. It was Dick. He's the one that you should be talking to. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Dick is carrying Veronica into a bedroom. He drops her onto the bed. Sean and Beaver are behind him. DICK: Dum-dum-de-dum. BEAVER: Dick. DICK: What? Dick sits next to the unconscious Veronica. BEAVER: You're gonna hurt her or something, man. DICK: Oh, I'd hurt her. You, she might not even notice. BEAVER: It-this is-this is so not even funny. DICK: What's the problem? BEAVER: Like you're-like you're serious? I mean this is you trying to get me to do something stupid that you can laugh at me. DICK: She's actually kinda hot. When she's quiet. Perfectly cute piece of ass. Ready and willing. Dick pats the bed. Beaver heads towards the bed. BEAVER: She's not willing, Dick, she's unconscious. Dick stands as Beaver sits on the bed. DICK: It's kinda the best you're gonna do, bro'. You're not real big with the sober chicks. BEAVER: Fine, just go, all right? DICK: That's my boy. Dick gives Beaver a hard head pat. He holds out some condoms. DICK: Make sure you suit up. You don't know where she's been. Dick throws the condoms onto the bed. Beaver reaches for them as Dick and Sean leave the room. Cut to the present. SEAN: Your issues with Dick and Beaver, not me. They were horrible to you. VERONICA: Well, I'm just sorry you had to witness it. That must have been awful for you. Cut to Dick's surfboard, resting just in front of the LeBaron's offside front wheel. The engine is idling, Veronica at the wheel. Dick approaches. VERONICA: Hiya, Dick. How's it going? DICK: Angry[] What the hell are you doing? VERONICA: Um, trying to get your attention. Dick makes to move to rescue his board. Veronica stops him by revving the engine. He sees that the board is leaning against the curb. DICK: Got a couple questions for ya. DICK: You're frickin' nuts, you know that? VERONICA: Insulting me right now seems like a good plan, how? DICK: [Holding his hands up in resignation, casting a glance at his board] What do you want? VERONICA: Answers, and quickly. Did you give me GHB the night of Shelly's party? DICK: What? No. I'm not even the one who had it. Veronica revs the engine again. DICK: I mean, I got some, but I didn't give any to you. I swear on my life. VERONICA: See, when you say that, it makes me hope you're lying. I know you brought me into the guest bedroom for Beaver. DICK: More like, I found you in the guest bedroom. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Veronica crawls towards Beaver, sat at the edge of the bed. VERONICA: Beaver, don't go, you said you were gonna stay here with me. Dick pauses as he walks past the open bedroom door. BEAVER: Yeah, well, I'm here, I'm staying�Veronica, I'm here� VERONICA: Well why don't you come back here? It's an awfully big bed. Veronica, holding his hand, lies down on the bed, pulling Beaver towards her. She gives him a "come hither" finger. Cut to present. VERONICA: Are you freaking kidding me? How 'bout reality, Dick. DICK: What? I'm just telling you what I saw. I didn't drug you. Don't go blaming me because you got all wasted and slutty. With a look that could kill at Dick first, Veronica puts both hands on the wheel and surges forward. The surfboard is smashed to smithereens. Dick is not happy. Cut to Beaver closing his locker to find Veronica leaning against the next door locker. Beaver looks heavenward and like a frightened rabbit. VERONICA: Beaver. Damn, you don't look happy to see me. BEAVER: How's it going, Veronica? VERONICA: Really well! I just found out that the dream I had where I was locked all alone in a bedroom with you was reality. Care to share some details, lover? BEAVER: Nothing happened. Beaver tries to move away but Veronica stops him. VERONICA: Actually, something did happen. And I might not remember the details, but I sure as hell remember the morning after. BEAVER: Look, I swear to god, I didn't touch you, Veronica. Okay, I mean, Dick, he was, he was all on me to and there was, there was this girl, this, this freshman, her name's Cindy and she's kind of�well, she's easy, you know and me and her, we were, we were supposed to�I don't know, Dick, Dick, he set something up okay and then, and then she was all over Logan and then she left early with him. Veronica seems both relieved and disturbed at this. VERONICA: Yeah, it sucks to be you. And? BEAVER: And then Dick, he brought me to the guest room with you. I just wanted him to leave me alone. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Veronica lies unconscious on the bed, Beaver sitting near her head, Dick near her legs. Sean stands watching. Dick's hand is on Veronica's leg, pushing up her dress. DICK: You need me to get you started? SEAN: Hey, I can draw you a diagram. BEAVER: That's cool. Beaver puts his hand over Dick's, stopping his progress. BEAVER: You just, you just go, all right? I, I got it. DICK: That's my boy. Dick leans over and tousles Beaver's head, getting off the bed. BEAVER: Yeah. SEAN: Make sure you suit up. Sean holds out the condoms and throws them on the bed. SEAN: You don't know where she's been. Dick and Sean leave. Beaver pulls Veronica's dress back down. BEAVER: Veronica, you okay? Beaver looks at her for a moment, then, holding his hand to his mouth, he rushes out of the room, throwing up outside in front of Carrie Bishop and another girl. Cut to the present. BEAVER: It was my big night. I don't know, I supposed to lose my virginity, instead I�hurl on Carrie Bishop's shoes. Nothing happened. Really, I mean, I-I swear on my life that the last time that I saw you, you were passed out on that bed. VERONICA: Well, hey. Thanks for leaving me there. Veronica punches him on the arm, hard. Cut to Mars Investigations. Veronica has emptied her desk all over the floor and is cleaning one of the drawers. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The whole ritual cleaning thing is textbook for a reason. For a couple of minutes, you're in control and everything's the way it should be, at least on the surface. Keith observes her silently for a moment. KEITH: You see another special on dust mites? VERONICA: They're disgusting, they're everywhere, and they must be destroyed. KEITH: I have any messages, or did you boil them? VERONICA: Just a fax. [Hands him a fax] Apparently that package you've been waiting for is in Vegas. Is it a white Bengal tiger? KEITH: No, it's the entertainment lawyer I've been tracking for the past year. My source in Vegas spotted him. I'm gonna have to leave as soon as possible. Maybe you want to stay with a friend or something? VERONICA: [Standing and facing him] And miss an opportunity to have the apartment to myself so that I can raid the liquor cabinet and watch Skinemax? No, wait, I'm a girl. I'm gonna do my homework, secure all the locks, brush, floss, and crawl into bed with an overly protective pit bull. [Kisses his cheek] You don't have to worry about me. Keith is not convinced. Cut to the Echolls home as Logan enters. Aaron is in light mood, cooking in the kitchen. AARON: [In French accent] Ah! Especially for you tonight, I am making what will be known from now on as "Aaron's Extra Special Crab Cakes." Ha ha! LOGAN: I'm sure I'll thoroughly enjoy them. Right up until my oesophagus closes up, cuts off my air supply, and I shuffle off this mortal coil. Aaron pauses, confused. LOGAN: Perhaps my last words will be "Great crab, Papa." [Off Aaron's blank look] I'm allergic to shellfish. AARON: Of course. I forgot. LOGAN: You didn't forget. You never knew. AARON: I did, I-I-I just got you confused with Trina, that's all. LOGAN: I'm the one allergic to shellfish. Trina's the one allergic to work. AARON: You know, somehow you got it in your head that I don't know a thing about you. Well, I got news for you: I'm your father. I raised you. I know plenty. LOGAN: Well, then, round one of "How well do you know your son?" When is my birthday? Aaron huffs derisively but has to guess. AARON: February. LOGAN: Wow. Well, you got a vowel right. Disappointed, despite the expectation that he wouldn't know, Logan moves off. Aaron, now angry, follows him, grabs him and spins him round to face him. AARON: You know, I have been pretty tolerant of your wiseass remarks but you are pushing it. Logan looks down at Aaron's grip. Aaron releases him and puts a hand on is shoulder. AARON: Look, does it matter�that I'm trying? I mean, does that count for anything at all? LOGAN: Yeah, You're accumulating points. You've almost won the wet vac AARON: I'm committed to this family, Logan. I'm committed to you. You'll see that. LOGAN: Well, you've got limited time 'cause let's face it, my eighteenth birthday, whenever that is, Mom's inheritance comes through and it's bon voyage. Logan leaves Aaron thinking about that. Cut to a coffee shop. Veronica is sitting at the counter and Carrie, serving behind the counter, walks over. CARRIE: What can I get for you? VERONICA: I'll have a hot chocolate, cr�me brulee and some answers if you can give me about two minutes. CARRIE: I'm kind of in the weeds. VERONICA: Here's the thing. Do you remember Shelly's party last year? CARRIE: Yeah. VERONICA: I don't. At least, not between passing out in the back yard and waking up the next morning in the guest room. I think you probably saw me. CARRIE: I saw you. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Veronica is in the guest room on the bed. Someone is on top of her. She is pulling off his wifebeater and he is reaching under her dress and pulling off her knickers. Carrie passes the open door. CARRIE: Oh, god. Shut the door next time. She shuts the door as the two continue to make love. Cut back to Veronica's shocked face in the present. Cut to the Kanes' front door. Veronica, upset and hugging herself, rings the bell. Duncan, still with his beard, opens the door. VERONICA: [Voice trembling] Welcome back. So Carrie Bishop said that you and I were in bed together the night of Shelly Pomroy's party last year. Care to elaborate? Duncan is taken aback. DUNCAN: What? What are you talking about? VERONICA: I wanna know what happened. DUNCAN: Do you know how wasted I was at Shelly' party? I-I barely even remember it. The whole night's a blur. VERONICA: That's kind of a thing with you, huh? Carrie said she walked into the guest bedroom and you were naked and on top of me. DUNCAN: I can't believe this. VERONICA: You were the one that raped me. DUNCAN: I raped you! Veronica starts to cry. DUNCAN: So�I'm a murderer and a rapist now. Veronica is sobbing heavily now. Duncan comes out from the doorway to confront her. DUNCAN: What are you doing? Why are you acting like this? Why are you acting like you weren't there? VERONICA: [Incredulous] What? DUNCAN: You were there too, you know. I-I thought we had some unspoken rule, like we're never gonna talk about it but now I raped you. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Duncan wanders into the guest room and sees Veronica. He collapses onto the bed, sitting next to her. He starts to stroke her face. She rouses. VERONICA: Hmm, you're here. She sits up, smiling. DUNCAN: [Softly] Hi, baby. VERONICA: Miss you. Veronica puts her arms around him and they fall back on the bed together. Cut to present day. DUNCAN: You don't remember. It's kind of a bad feeling, huh. VERONICA: [Distraught] Then why did you leave me there? If it was so tender, and loving, why did I wake up by myself searching for my underwear? DUNCAN: Because I had to get out of there! VERONICA: You had to? DUNCAN: Yes! I woke up, I, I saw you there, I realized what I did... Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. It is morning and Veronica is asleep in the bed. Duncan raises up from the other side of the bed on one elbow and sees her. He gets out of bed quietly. VERONICA: [Offscreen] What did you realize was so bad? What did you do? DUNCAN: [Offscreen] I slept with you! VERONICA: [Offscreen] But it was consensual, right? DUNCAN: [Offscreen] Yes. Cut to present. VERONICA: Then what about that is so wrong? DUNCAN: [Screaming] Because you're my sister, and I knew it! E-even after my mother told me, I tried to just cut you out of my life. I loved you! I tried not to, I tried not to, but it won't go away! [SCENE_BREAK] Veronica is sobbing uncontrollably. She looks around and sees Celeste close by, watching them. Veronica looks back at Duncan, then turns and then runs as Duncan sinks down to his knees. Cut to Veronica sitting outside Wallace's house in the LeBaron. She is still upset, though not crying, or moving. Wallace comes out, runs to the car and leans in on the passenger. WALLACE: I was about to call the police on you, stalker. As he talks, she starts to break down. Wallace shows tremendous concern. Cut to later and to the two of them sitting on Wallace's bed. VERONICA: This is so not an "I told you so," but do you see why I kinda keep things to myself? I think I can go home now. WALLACE: Maybe you should just stay here. VERONICA: No, I feel better. Of course, you feel worse. WALLACE: No, I don't care about me. I just wish I could do something. Or say something. VERONICA: You don't have to say anything. That's kind of the good part. Veronica reaches for and opens her laptop. VERONICA: You say I never tell you anything when I ask for favours? WALLACE: Yeah. You so don't need to worry about that right now. VERONICA: I'm not worried. Here's everything there is to know. Veronica puts the computer on his lap. It is set on her "Lilly Kane Murder Investigation" screen, with the files on show: Crime Scene, Interrogation Transcripts, Suspects and Timeline. Wallace looks at her and smiles. Cut to later as Veronica leaves Wallace's bedroom. She pauses at the entrance to the kitchen where Alicia is making a sandwich. VERONICA: Don't tell me Wallace still has you cutting his crusts off? ALICIA: How are you, Veronica. VERONICA: Sorry. I'm really hoping you won't hold my dad responsible for my boneheadedness. He's the best guy ever, you see that, right? You guys are really good together. ALICIA: I know. VERONICA: You make him so happy. ALICIA: I'm afraid I didn't make him too happy before he left for Vegas. I think I might have ruined things. VERONICA: Trust me; I know how he feels about you. He's not going anywhere. Cut to the Vegas skyline. A phone rings and a woman answers. TELEPHONE: Hello, who am I talking to? Keith responds from his hotel room. KEITH: Hi. Is this Cheyenne? CHEYENNE: You know it, baby. Keith has a magazine open on his lap advertising her services: Cheyenne. Not An Agency. (702) 555-0161. Las Vegas' Only 'Double-Duty' Escort. Private Shows. Parties. Special Occasions. Experienced Escort. Mastercard. VASI. Lic. #2012872213 KEITH: I'd like to set up an, um, an appointment. Cut to the Mars' apartment. Veronica and Logan are on the couch, facing each other. VERONICA: I'm so sorry. I know now it wasn't you and I'm sorry I accused you. LOGAN: It's fine. You okay? VERONICA: It's not fine. I'm really sorry. LOGAN: Veronica. All I care about is you. Okay? Did you find something out? VERONICA: Yeah. LOGAN: Well, do you want to tell me about it? I mean, you-you don't have, you don't have to tell me anything. I'm just here for whatever you need, okay. VERONICA: I was drugged but I wasn't� LOGAN: Yeah. VERONICA: I was with Duncan. Logan is stricken by this. VERONICA: Apparently we ended up in the guest room together and he was wasted and I was�out of it�and I guess our feelings and nature� LOGAN: [Whispers] I'm sorry. VERONICA: I'm just glad you're here. Cut to Las Vegas. Keith opens his hotel room door to Cheyenne. CHEYENNE: Well, hello to you. KEITH: Come in, come in, please. She sashays in and Keith closes the door. KEITH: Look, can I get you anything to drink? Are you hungry or anything? CHEYENNE: I think not having to buy me dinner first is kind of the point. [Sits on the bed] Why don't you come sit over here with me and relax, okay? KEITH: Well, maybe we could go sit out on the balcony. CHEYENNE: You're still gonna be married on the balcony. [Walking over to him and stroking his chest] Now. I want you to tell me exactly what you want. That one thing you can never get the little woman to do. And we'll start there. She pulls him towards the bed and they sit. KEITH: Actually, I'd like to start by talking about Abel Koontz. Cheyenne is not happy. KEITH: Miss Collins, my name is Keith Mars. I'm a private investigator from California. I've been looking for you for a year. I know you were with Abel Koontz at the time he supposedly murdered Lilly Kane. CHEYENNE: I don't know what you're talking about. KEITH: I think you do. There's a phone record, Cheyenne. Abel called the same number at the same time every week, it was a standing appointment and by the time I traced that number back to you, you'd moved on to Seattle, San Francisco, Aspen and I bet I know why. CHEYENNE: I packed up my whole life to get away from this and you have to come find me. KEITH: An innocent man's life is at stake. CHEYENNE: [Standing] He confessed. For whatever reason. If I come forward, I'll be the most famous working girl on the planet. I have a five year old son who thinks I'm a stewardess. KEITH: A girl was murdered. Don't you think the person who killed her should be the one in jail. Cut to the Echoll's front door. It's night and the house is in darkness. Logan and Veronica can be seen approaching through the glass. LOGAN: My dad thinks he's a gourmet. Humour him. Ah, so now he's going to make us eat to candlelight tonight. They pause at the door. LOGAN: Okay, showtime. They kiss and then back into the door, still kissing. The light comes on. AARON: [Joyously] Surprise. The room is decorated for a party. It is full of stunned and silent 09ers. Logan and Veronica are shocked. Soft noises of disapproval and surprise go round the room. Dick whispers to Beaver BEAVER: [Loud whisper] Wow. Duncan is in the room, leaning against a pillar, with Meg. He and Veronica, who is still in Logan's arms, stare at each other. Aaron breaks the ice by approaching the frozen couple. LOGAN: So is this party nine months early or three months late? AARON: I got a lot of lost years I gotta make up for. This is my way of getting started. LOGAN: It's a good call. Logan walks in front of Veronica to the other side of her. He holds out his hand to her. She takes it. Duncan watches as Meg watches him, her face showing her concern. Logan and Veronica walk further into the room. Dick approaches Logan to whisper in his ear. DICK: Dude, what the hell are you doing? Please tell me this is like, some new reality show called "My Skank". Veronica hears and looks down. LOGAN: Goodbye, Dick. DICK: What? LOGAN: Get out of my house. You have a problem with Veronica, you leave. Actually, you have a problem with Veronica, you're pretty much dead to me, so just, like, evaporate or something, I dunno. Dick, surprised, backs away as a buzz goes round the room. LOGAN: That's kind of a general invitation. If you don't like my girlfriend then� Duncan reacts and Veronica gasps and looks back at him. LOGAN: �just start heading toward the rectangle with the knob. MEG: [To Duncan] Are you okay? Duncan pushes himself off the pillar with a heavy breath and walks to the door. Logan tries to talk to him. LOGAN: Look, Duncan, listen, I wanna� Duncan doesn't stop and goes out the door. Logan sighs heavily and leans against the door. Veronica moves into the room and comes across Madison, holding two drinks. MADISON: So. Are you like dating Logan now? VERONICA: Yes, Madison. MADISON: Do you think his dad's gonna do another movie soon or what? He's way too cute to become a has-been. [Offering her one of the drinks] You want one. They said it was sugar-free but, I don't know. Veronica takes it cautiously, smiles and heads over towards Meg, standing by the pillar. Meg moves forward to warn her. MEG: You don't want to drink that. VERONICA: Why? MEG: I'm betting Madison gave you a trip to the dentist. It's her thing. She does it to people who she doesn't like. She spits in the cocktail and calls it a trip to the dentist, 'cause we're in eighth grade. Cut to Veronica grabbing Madison's arm. MADISON: Ow. What are you doing? VERONICA: Did you give me a trip to the dentist the night of Shelly's party? MADISON: What? Hello, I have no idea what you're talking about. VERONICA: Did you spit in your drink and give it to me at Shelly's? MADISON: Like I was the only person's spit you had in your mouth that night. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Dick walks over to Madison with a drink for her. He kisses her and hands her the drink. She gets it to her lips and pauses. MADISON: Regular soda? Why didn't you just fill the cup with lard? She starts to put the drink down but then sees Veronica. She spits in the drink and holds it out in Veronica's path. Cut to the present. VERONICA: You have no idea what you did to me. MADISON: Oh my god! I spit in your drink. You are like so scarred for life. Madison walks off, completely unrepentant and without a clue. Outside, Duncan walks slowly to his car. He opens the driver's door but it is locked. He looks for his keys but doesn't have them. He tries the door again with increasing agitation and starts punching and kicking it. He picks up a shovel from a wheelbarrow behind him and with a cry, smashes the window. He beats the door some more, this time with the shovel. Meg comes running out. MEG: Duncan! Duncan, what are you doing? Stop that. Duncan pays no attention and keep hammering away at the door. MEG: This is about Veronica, isn't it? You're still in love with her, right? Answer me. Duncan doesn't hear her and having dropped the shovel, he continues to kick the door. Cut to the rather sombre party. Aaron is showing a couple out. AARON: Thanks for coming guys. I hope you got something to eat. Behind him, Veronica stands alone, her face in her hands. Logan walks to her and holds out his hands. They exit out the back, hand in hand. They head towards the pool house. Logan skips down a step and turns back to swing Veronica down off it. Logan does a little skip as the walk on. They enter either another part of the pool house or a guest house or bedroom. The room is dark. There are curtains on the glass doors with the faces of the Echolls family. LOGAN: Now, see, why can't it just be like this? [Kisses her] Why do there have to be all those other people in this world? Logan kisses her again and pulls her towards the bed. VERONICA: What are you doing? Logan sits back onto the bed, pulling her with him. LOGAN: You're too short. She moves to sit on his lap. LOGAN: It means I level the playing field. They kiss and Logan slips Veronica's jacket off her shoulders. VERONICA: Is this where you take all your conquests? Logan laughs and falls onto the bed. LOGAN: Nope, only the short ones. Veronica leans over to continue kissing him. After a moment, Logan calls a halt.. LOGAN: Hey, I have to tell you something. Veronica isn't interested and kisses and teases him.. VERONICA: I'm sorry, we're past the confessional portion of this program. We're on to the make out. LOGAN: Listen, Veronica, stop, She stops and looks down at him. LOGAN: I gotta�I have to tell you something about Shelly's party. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. . "Kingdom of Chemicals" by Sean Dailey plays. Logan is the one orchestrating the body shots. He sprinkles salt over her and puts the lime in her mouth for another guy to enjoy. LOGAN: [Laughing] There you go, go for it. GUY: Here you go, sweet pea. Logan whoops as the guy takes his time getting the lime from her mouth. Cut to present. VERONICA: I know about the salt lick. I gonna choose to think of it as one of those not real things. LOGAN: There's more. Flashback to Shelly Pomroy's party. Duncan arrives and pushes the guy off Veronica. DUNCAN: What the hell are you doing? She can barely sit up, you freak! LOGAN: Wait dude, you can't be the cavalry and a martyr, man. Pick a side. DUNCAN: Leave her alone. Logan opens a capsule of GHB and puts it in a drink. He walks over to Duncan and the completely-out-of-it Veronica. LOGAN: [Repentant] Hey, I'm sorry, dude. You know, man, you're, I mean, you're totally right. It's no way to have fun, huh? He hands Duncan the laced drink. LOGAN: Cheers. Duncan stares at Logan and the drink for a moment then smiles and accepts it, taking a drink. Logan walks away. Cut to the present. Logan is propped uo on his elbows and Veronica is still sitting upright across his lap. LOGAN: I just wanted Duncan to have some fun. You know, he barely even smiled since Lilly� VERONICA: You didn't know what would happen. LOGAN: I'm the one who's responsible for what happened to you. And I can't take that I hurt you like that. I can't take that I hurt you when all I want to do is protect you. Veronica's response is force him back to a prone position with her kiss. After a moment with her on top of him, he holds her away. LOGAN: I want you to trust me. VERONICA: [Softly] I do. They kiss some more. LOGAN: Okay. I don't know about you, but I could use a refreshment about now. VERONICA: Hmm. Veronica rolls off him onto the bed. Logan gives her a quick kiss and rolls off the bed. He gets a small screwdriver from a drawer and proceed to unscrew a small vent from the wall. Veronica recognises something. VERONICA: You learned that from Lilly. LOGAN: No, Lilly learned that from me. He removes the vent and takes something from behind it. LOGAN: It's almost endearing that I need a key to the liquor cabinet, don't you think? Veronica smiles. Logan uses the key but it snaps off in the lock. LOGAN: Wow, just wild, huh? Veronica nods. Logan walks around the back of the bed and holds his hands out for her. Kneeling on the bed, she scoots over and they kiss. LOGAN: I'll be right back. Two minutes? VERONICA: Hmm-hm. LOGAN: Okay. He pushes her flat down onto the pillows with another kiss. She playfully pushes him off and he exits. Veronica lies back on the pillows, looking up at the ceiling fan. She notices the fan has a line running from the ceiling to a bookcase. She looks more closely at the fan and sees an aperture. She investigates bookcase, which slides apart to reveal a video recorder and two screens, both trained on different views of the bed. She looks back at the bed, then goes over to it to check what the screens show. She is horrified. Cut to Weevil as Veronica runs up to him. WEEVIL: You okay. VERONICA: Thanks for coming to get me. He gives her a helmet and she climbs on the back of his bike. Cut to Veronica outside the Mars' apartment. She enters. VERONICA: Honey, I'm home. Veronica is stunned to see Lianne, sitting with Keith. LIANNE: So am I, honey, so am I. End.
Plan: A: New information; Q: What gives Veronica a lead on what happened to her the night of Shelly Pomroy's party? A: Veronica's mother; Q: Who returns to town? A: Logan's 09er friends; Q: Who finds out that Logan is dating Veronica? A: Logan; Q: Who's friends find out that he is dating Veronica? A: Flashbacks; Q: What reveals that Duncan dumped Veronica because his mother told him that she was his half-sister? Summary: New information gives Veronica a lead on what happened to her the night of Shelly Pomroy's party, where she was drugged and raped. Veronica's mother returns to town, and Logan's 09er friends find out that he is dating Veronica. Flashbacks reveal that Duncan dumped Veronica because his mother told him that Veronica was his half-sister.
Outside of the school (Rick is outside talking with his mom and Mr. Raditch.) Paige: Someone tell me I'm hallucinating. Emma: Who is he? Spinner: Remember our friend Terri McGregor? The girl who was in a coma last year. Paige: He's the psycho that put her there. His name's Rick, her ex. He used to beat her. Spinner: Yeah and he's your new classmate Emma. He starts tenth grade tomorrow. Emma: We have to do something! Alex: I know! Let's adopt a dolphin. Treat him to defend us from Rick! Emma: Or we can talk to Mr. Raditch. Alex: Sure, me and Marco can handle that without you! -At Liberty's outside by the hot tub, Manny's in the hot tub- JT: Take my hand! (Manny takes his hand) Now pull! (JT farts as Manny pulls his hand.) JT: Oh I could not resist! Oh god! Ohhh! (Liberty brings out some fancy tropical drinks and hands one to Manny.) Manny: Thanks. So you're sure your dad doesn't mind us using his hot tub like this? Liberty: Sometimes Manny you just have to say what the heck! Manny: You know who loves hot tubs? Emma Nelson! Liberty: No. Emma lives for stabbing me in the back, ripping out your heart and stomping it bloodless with her pointy ballerina feet. Manny: To tenth grade! (They clink glasses) (JT and Toby are play fighting in the background.) Manny: We're gonna be 16 this year. Liberty: To the future! To growing up and to leaving childish things behind. Manny: To leaving childish things behind. (Danny runs out with an ironing board.) Liberty: Danny Van Zandt! That's mom's ironing board! Danny: It was. Now it's a diving board! You gotta live outside the box! JT: And now diving for Canada in the sexy red trunks! James Tiberius York! (Danny pulls down his swim trunks and everyone starts laughing.) Toby: Look! It's a stack of dimes! At school Marco: 'I always knew you were a smart boy Marco'. Can you believe he said that? Emma: Wow. You guys really handled Raditch. Rick: Marco. Paige. Spinner. Jimmy. (Walks away when they all glare at him) (Emma walks up and stands in front of Rick and moves so he can't get around her.) Rick: Excuse me. I've got to get by. Mr. Raditch: Emma step aside. Emma: We don't want him here Mr. Raditch! Mr. Raditch: This isn't one of your little crusades Emma. This is serious. I'm warning you. Stay out of it. At Manny's locker JT: So what are we doing Friday night? You, me, couch, a romantic DVD? Manny: Um... you know what, I think I might be busy... JT: Oh... Is something wrong? It's just you've been kind of distant since the hot tub party. It's not my...you know. Manny: No, no. That was stupid and embarrassing. You must feel awful! JT: Nothing a kiss can't cure! (They start to kiss and Manny pulls away when she sees Craig.) Manny: Craig! Hi. Craig: Hi. Sorry to interrupt. Manny: Oh that's okay, you weren't interrupting anything. So, how was your summer? Craig: Nothing special. You? Manny: Same. Craig: Well I better get going. Bye. JT: Bye Craig. Nice to see you too! In the locker room JT: Hey Manny, I'm stalker Craig! Can I lurk around while you kiss JT? Danny: I'd lurk too! Manny's smoking! Toby: Maybe Manny's still hot for him. JT: Please! Toby: Look JT, in four months you and Manny have barely even kissed. Don't you think something's wrong? JT: Craig. Mono o mono. Manny is my girlfriend. Craig: Ok. Craig: And I need you to respect that. Craig: I do. Whatever. JT: It's just that you know sometimes you hang (JT sees Craig's pen1s when his towel is off) down and it...I mean around! Sometimes you hang around! And it's just. Craig: What are you looking at?!? (Quickly wraps the towel back around himself) JT: What are you talking about? Craig: What do you mean, what am I talking about?! You were! You were checking out my... JT: No! No! I wasn't! I just... Spinner: What?!?! JT: No, no Spinner! I wasn't! That's a lie! That's a horrible lie! At Paige's locker Rick: Paige, a moment? Um I was thinking maybe we could talk... maybe bury the hatchet. Paige: You put my friend in a coma! Rick: One, I know I let my anger get the better of me last year. And two, I'm in counseling. I'm even seeing Ms. Sauve. How...how is Terri anyway? (Paige walks away upset into the washroom where Emma follows her.) Emma: Paige? Paige... Paige: If you tell anyone about this... Emma: I won't. Honest. Paige: There is a psycho in our school Emma and no one is doing a damn thing about it. Emma: We will! Together. Paige: Okay, but I'm not so good at this whole protest thing. Emma: That's okay 'cause I am. Just don't call me 'cause girl' okay? Paige: So uh Emma, what are you doing now? Emma: I was gonna go home. Paige: After you have a green tea frappe with me at the Dot! Emma: Gotta go sip a frap with Paige. Have fun in your hot tub! At the Dot Paige: Mac lip glass! It smells like vanilla! Emma: I can't, it's expensive. Paige: Go ahead. Hazel and I always share. We're cosmetics communists. (Rick walks in.) Spinner: Psycho at 6:00! Paige: My god, I can't believe this. Let's go. Emma: No. (Emma stands up and walks over to him.) Emma: We don't want you at Degrassi. Rick: I have a right to an education. Look what I did to Terri last year was horrible but I'm getting therapy. I've changed. Emma: I don't care. Find another school Rick or you'll be sorry. Rick: Is that a threat? Because Mr. Raditch warned you. You can't touch me. Emma: Maybe not at Degrassi! (Emma grabs his arm and pushes him outside and holds the door shut so he can't get back in.) Paige: Okay, suddenly! Emma's cooler than me! At school (Paige and Emma are handing around ribbons and collecting money.) Emma: Support students against violence! Show the school where you stand. Paige: All proceeds go to the women's shelter. Thanks guys. Emma: Support students against violence! Thank you. Sean: This is about Rick isn't it? Emma: It's a silent protest. We want to pressure Rick. Make his life hell. Paige: Without breaking any rules whatsoever. Emma's a genius. There's nothing Raditch can do. Ellie: Wow. Such heroes. Paige: Wanna buy a ribbon? Emma: Support students against violence! In the boys bathroom Danny: Guys! Check it out! I have the solution to JT's little problem! JT: A pen1s pump?! How'd you buy this? Danny: Well I didn't. (Holds up his fake ID) Gunther Van Eisenstadt did. Take it out! Toby: Not out here! (They go into a stall.) Danny: The guy said it'll turn your garden snake into an anaconda! JT: I am not putting my thing in there! It's a snake! Snake's bite! Danny: Don't be stupid! It's decoration. Toby: Let's see how this thing works. Step one: insert member into tub. JT: Tub? You're not a tub... Danny: They mean tube! JT and Toby: Ooohh! (laughing) Toby: Step two: Use hand pup to make fun suction. Who wrote this?! Danny: Forget the instructions! You wangle it in the tube and you pump! JT: Okay! Okay I got it! I got it! (The boys leave the stall and see Craig in the bathroom.) JT: Uh... Craig. Craig: You don't have to explain... really! [SCENE_BREAK] In the hall (Rick is walking down the hall and people are bumping into him on purpose and blocking him from walking and one guy pushes him into a locker. He drops his books and people kick them. He goes into the cafeteria and nobody lets him sit with them.) Chris: Sit somewhere else punk! (People start clapping when Rick leaves the cafeteria.) In Ms. Kwan's classroom Spinner: So um Ms. Kwan asked us to read a verse that speaks to our hearts. And this verse like Kid Elrick speaks to mine: I want to find me a girl to love. A girl with wealth and class. But most of all I want me a girl with a bootylicious... Ms. Kwan: Enough Gavin! (kids are laughing) Take your seat! Okay who's next? Rick: May I? Um I'd like to read you some thoughts from Mahatma Gandhi: The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. It is the galley of the brave, not the coward. (Spinner throws a ball of paper at Rick.) Ms. Kwan: Gavin! Principal's office now! Now! In the hallway JT: Danny! The cobra has landed! I just went for a walk with the king. Danny: Did it work?! JT: I think so! Danny: Well, let her be the judge! Manny: JT's gonna come over here. I know it! Why won't he leave me alone? Liberty: Because he's your boyfriend. Look Manny, if that's how you feel about him then you need to break up. Manny: No... I can't. Liberty: But you can't go on like this. Just sit him down tonight and do it! JT: Hey! Manny: Hi. JT: I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come over to my place after school. Manny: Umm... umm. Yeah okay. In another hallway Rick: One, it will only take a minute. Two, it's to give you this. It's a check. Emma: I can't take your money Rick. The whole ribbon campaign is about you. (He holds out the check.) Emma: $500? Rick: $554.16 to be exact. I'd donate more, but it's all I have. Emma: You can't buy forgiveness Rick. Rick: It's an anonymous donation. No one needs to know but you. Alex: Too late. Nobody wants your guilt money! Rick: Alex, listen to me! Alex: Or what, freak? You're gonna put me in a coma? (Rick walks away) Emma: Alex can I have the check please? (Alex rips it up.) Emma: Nice. Real nice Alex... maybe if you cared about the cause! Alex: What do you know about it? You ever ice your mom's lip, bandage her up, lay awake at night listening to her cry? Didn't think so! In JT's bedroom (Manny knocks on his bedroom door.) JT: Entrée! Manny: What happened in here? JT: Oh nothing, I just made it a little cozier. (Pats the bed) Manny: Are you nervous? JT: No! Not at all! (They start kissing) Manny: Um, your lips are kind of sweaty. JT: Oh sorry! I guess I am kind of nervous! Manny: I have to go to the bathroom. JT: Alright! No rush. I guess I could use a minute to freshen up. Manny: (outside leaning against the door) Suck it up. You can do this. (Manny walks back in as JT's using the pen1s pump.) JT: Um! I can explain! (Manny rushes out.) At the Dot Paige: Did you see Heather Sinclair's eyebrows? Tragically over plucked! Emma: They should confiscate her tweezers or something! (Rick walks in and goes up to the counter.) Paige: What is he doing here again? Alex: He probably came to see his new crush, Emma! Paige: What's she talking about? Emma: Nothing! Rick talked to me. It was no big deal. Alex: Didn't seem that way to me. Paige: If you're starting to wimp out and feel sorry for that psycho... Emma: I'm not. Honest! Rick: Afternoon Emma! (Emma doesn't say anything and then trips Rick and he falls on the floor spilling his drink.) Jay: That's it. It's on! (Jay takes Rick outside and everyone follows.) Emma: Let him go! Alex: You started this Cause Girl! Rick: What are you gonna do, hurt me? Jay: (Takes Rick's glasses and puts them on) One, violence is never the answer! Two, we don't care! (Jay punches Rick and drops his glasses, then steps on them.) Jay: Whoops! Rick: Who wants the next shot? Spinner? Alex: Me! (Emma steps in front of Alex and grabs her arm.) Alex: Ribbon campaign's over Emma! Emma: Yeah, so is this! (Everyone walks away except for Emma and Rick.) Outside somewhere, JT is holding flowers JT: Manny! Manny: Go away JT! JT: Will you let me explain? I was just trying to live up to Craig. Manny: What?! JT: I saw him in the locker room... naked. And it became obvious to me that he has something that I don't. Manny: You know what JT! Craig does have something that you don't. Maturity! And I don't mean his size! I mean the way he acts. You're always farting and joking around. JT: I'm sorry! Just give me another chance okay? I can change! Manny: No JT, I'm sorry. It's over. Outside school (Paige and Hazel walk by and look at Emma but don't say anything, then Rick walks up to Emma.) Emma: Nice glasses. Rick: They're from 6th grade. I um... I wanted to thank you. Emma: Well don't. Things got out of hand and I stopped it. It doesn't mean I like you and it doesn't mean we're friends. But Rick, why did you come back here? Rick: I like it at Degrassi. Well... I used to. I was horrible but I've changed. All those people who hate me I want to let them see who I really am. Show them how wrong they are. Emma: Well they're not interested Rick. Rick: They will be. Someday.
Plan: A: school; Q: Where does Rick return to? A: Emma; Q: Who is the leader of the eleventh graders in running Rick out of Degrassi? A: Emma's popularity increases; Q: What happens when Emma runs Rick out of Degrassi? A: Manny's ex-boyfriend Craig; Q: Who does J.T. see naked in the locker room? A: J.T.; Q: Who is worried Manny will compare her to Craig? A: a penis pump; Q: What does J.T. start using after seeing Manny's ex-boyfriend naked? Summary: Rick returns to school, and Emma's popularity increases when she leads the eleventh graders into running Rick out of Degrassi for good. Meanwhile, after seeing Manny's ex-boyfriend Craig naked in the locker room, J.T. is worried she will compare them both and starts using a penis pump.
Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The cemetery. Buffy is fighting a vampire. She kicks him in the face with a high roundhouse kick, forcing him to step backward to keep his balance. The vampire does a jumping half twisting crescent kick, which Buffy ducks. He tries two punches, and Buffy neatly blocks them. On his third punch she grabs hold of his arm and hits him in the face with a high front snap kick. Letting go of the vampire's arm, Buffy punches him squarely in the midsection and follows up with a swinging punch to his face, sending him to the ground. Buffy: We haven't been properly introduced. (pulls out a stake) I'm Buffy, and you're history! She plunges the stake into him as he gets up. He falls and bursts into ashes. Giles: (pops up from behind a crypt) Poor technique. (comes around to her) Prioritizing sub par... Execution was adequate, but a bit too bloody for my taste. Buffy: Giles, don't mention it. It was my *pleasure* to make the world safe for humanity again. Giles: I'm not saying that your methods are without merit, it's, uh, y- you're spending too much time and energy. It should simply be: plunge, and move on. Plunge and... Hello. (bends over to pick up a ring with his pen) Buffy: (sees the ring) Oh, that's great! I kill 'em, you fence their stuff. (Giles gives her a look) What is it? Giles: I don't know. Buffy: But it bothers you. Giles: Yes! Well, I... I thought this vampire was just on a random kill, but it may be something else. Buffy: Something big? Giles: Yes. I'd best consult my books. Cut to the Master's lair. He slams a book down on the podium, opens it and reads. Master: 'And there will be a time of crisis, of worlds hanging in the balance. And in this time shall come the Anointed, the Master's great warrior. And the Slayer will not know him, will not stop him, and he will lead her into Hell.' As it is written, so shall it be. (picks up the book and walks) 'Five will die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise. The Brethren of Aurelius shall greet him and usher him to his immortal destiny.' (stops by one of the brethren) As it is written, so shall it be. 'And one of the brethren shall go out hunting the night before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his job before he ate.' Oh, wait. (grabs one of the brethren by the throat) That's not written anywhere. (he lifts the vampire from his feet) The Anointed will be my greatest weapon against the Slayer! If you fail to bring him to me, if you allow that girl to stop you... (throws the vampire into a coffin) Here endeth the lesson. He slams the book shut and walks off. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Buffy is sitting on the table and studying the ring. Giles makes his way down to her from the stacks while leafing through a book. Giles: That symbol on the ring... I believe it's the rune for fidelity, but, uh, it doesn't connect with any of the sects that I've studied. Buffy: What about this? (shows him the ring) On the inside. It's a sun and three stars. Haven't we seen that somewhere? Giles: Let me see. (takes the ring and looks closely) No, I-I don't think this, um, represents any... Buffy: (looks in a book) Wait, it's right here. Sun and three stars. Yuch, check these guys out. (hands Giles the open book) Told you it looked familiar. Giles: Oh, the Order of Aurelius. Yes, you're right. Buffy: Ooo, two points for the Slayer, while the Watcher has yet to score! Owen comes into the library and approaches them. Buffy: Oh! (slides off the table) Owen! Hi! Giles: (looks up at Owen) What do you want? Owen: A book? Giles: Oh! Buffy: (to Giles) See, this is a school, and we have students, and they check out books, and then they learn things. Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth. Owen: I lost my Emily. Dickinson. It's dumb, but I like her around. Kind of a security blanket. Buffy: I have something like that. Well, it's an actual blanket. Uh, and I don't really carry it around anym-more... So! Emily Dickens, huh? She's great! Owen: Dickinson. Buffy: She's good also. Giles: (points at the stacks) Poetry. Owen: (to Buffy) I didn't think I'd find you here. (goes up the stairs) Buffy: (follows Owen) W... Why not? Owen: I, I didn't mean... I mean... I think you can read. Buffy: Thanks. Owen: But you don't seem bookwormy. (finds his book) The type of person to lock themselves in a dark room with a lotta musty old books. (looks up from the book) Oh, and I've offended you. Buffy: No! No, I'm just surprised you gave any thought to what I'm like. Owen: You shouldn't be. (starts back down) Buffy: (follows again) Oh, well, I *love* books. I mean, I really *love* books. Owen sees the book they were consulting earlier on the table and heads over there to take a look. Owen: What's this? Buffy: (gets between him and the book) Not this one. Giles: (picks the book up) This one she doesn't love. He walks around Buffy, takes Owen's book and heads to the checkout station. Giles: Oh, Emily Dickinson. Buffy: We're both fans. Giles: Yes, uh, she's quite a good poet, I mean for a... (takes Owen's library card) Buffy: A girl? Giles: For an American. (scans the book and library card) Owen: (to Buffy) I'll, uh, see you in math... if I open my eyes at some point. (takes the card and book from Giles) Buffy: Cool... Owen leaves. Buffy stares after him. Giles: The Order of Aurelius is a very old and venerated sect. If they're here, it's for a good reason. Buffy: That was Owen! Giles: Yes, I remember. Buffy: Do you have any more copies of Emily Dickinson? I need one. Giles: (exasperated) Buffy, while the mere fact of you wanting to check out a book would be grounds for a national holiday, I think we should focus on the problem at hand. Buffy: Right. I'm sorry, you're right. Vampires. (looks down at her dress) Oh. (looks inquisitively at Giles) Does this outfit make me look fat? Cut to the cafeteria. Buffy and Willow are paying for lunch. Willow: Owen Thurman was talking to you? Buffy: It's all true. Willow: Wow! He hardly talks to anyone. He's solitary, mysterious... He can brood for forty minutes straight, I've clocked him. Buffy: He was so nice, it was eerie. Willow: What did you guys have to talk about? Buffy: (heads for a table) Emily Dickinson. Willow: (follows) He reads Emily Dickinson? He's sensitive, yet manly! (Buffy sets down her tray) Well, wait, you've never even read her. Buffy pulls out the book and sets it down for Willow to see. Willow: You Vixen! (they both sit) Xander: (holds up his fork) Has anybody given any thought to what this green stuff is? Buffy: Hmm, I'm avoiding the subject. Xander: I think it's kale, or possibly string cheese. (lets the fork drop) So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night? Buffy: (gives him a stern look) Xander! Xander: I mean, how'd the *laying* go? (gets another look from Buffy) No, I don't mean that either. Buffy: It went fine, thank you. There's some new hoidy-toidy vampire sect in town. Willow: That's bad. Xander: Well, hey, they're bringing in the much needed tourist dollars. (sees Owen) Ooo, look at Mr. Excitement. Buffy: Owen! He's all alone! Maybe somebody should sit with him. Willow: Mm, just to be polite! (Buffy gets up) Good luck! Xander: (to Willow) Okay, what just happened? Buffy walks over to Owen's table. Cordelia is coming over, too, from another direction. Cordelia: Look, an empty seat! (bumps Buffy) Buffy: (spills her tray) Ooo! Ew... Owen: Let me get that. (bends down) Buffy: Thanks! (crouches) Boy! Cordelia's hips are wider than I thought! Cordelia: (sarcastically) Eh, heh! Owen: At least you don't have to eat your Soylent Green. Cordelia: (trying to get attention) Owen, a bunch of us are loitering at the Bronze tonight. You there? Owen: Who's all going? Cordelia: Well, um, I'm gonna be there. Owen: Who else? Cordelia: You mean besides me? Owen: (to Buffy) Buffy, what about you? Buffy: What? Cordelia: No, no, no! She, uh, she doesn't like fun. Owen: How 'bout we meet there at eight? Buffy: Yeah! Eight! There! She puts her empty tray on top of Cordelia's. Cut to the halls. Buffy and Willow come in through the doors. Buffy: It's not that big a deal. It's just a bunch of people getting together. Willow: It's a very big deal! Buffy: It's not! Willow: It is. (spots Giles) Tell her! Giles: I'm afraid it's very big. Willow: (smiles at Buffy) Thank you! (turns back to Giles, confused) Wait! They follow Giles into the library. Cut into the library. Willow: What are you talking about? Giles: What are *you* talking about? Buffy and Willow: Boys! Giles: Yes, well, I'm talking about trouble. A violent and disturbing prophecy is about to be fulfilled. Buffy: The Order of Aurelius. Giles: You were spot on about the connection. (walks over to the table) I've looked at the writings of Aurelius himself, and he, he prophesied that the brethren of his order would come to the Master and bring him the Anointed. Willow: Who's that? Giles: Well, I-I don't know exactly, a-a-a-a warrior, but, but it says he will rise from the ashes of the Five on the evening of the thousandth day after the Advent of Septus. Buffy: Well, we'll be ready whenever it is. Giles: Which is tonight. Buffy: (takes in the information) Tonight, okay... (realizes the conflict) Not okay! It can't be tonight! Giles: My calculations are precise. Buffy: Nuh! They're bad calculations! Bad! Willow: Buffy has a really important date. Buffy: Owen! Giles: Alright, I-I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show. Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm. Giles: Buffy, this is no ordinary vampire. But we have to stop him before he reaches the Master. Buffy: But... Cute guy! Teenager! Post-pubescent fantasies! Giles: Those will just have to be put on hold! The dark forces are aligning against us, and we have a chance to beat them back. Tonight we go into battle! Cut to the graveyard. Giles and Buffy are sitting on a large gravestone. Giles: (sniffs) Perhaps I miscalculated. Buffy: I'm thinking yes. (sucks her drink dry) Giles: Well, you know what they say. 90% of the vampire slaying game is, is waiting. Buffy: You couldn't have told me that 90% ago? Giles: Well, we, we've certainly waited here long enough. (gets up) Buffy: Besides, there aren't any fresh graves. Who's gonna rise? Giles: Apparently no one tonight. Buffy: (jumps up) Then I can bail? I can go to the Bronze and find Owen? Giles: Oh, very well then. Follow your hormones if you want. (Buffy hops down and starts to go) But I assume I don't have to warn you about the hazards of becoming personally involved with someone who's unaware of your unique condition. Buffy: Yeah, yeah, I read the back of the box. Giles: If your identity as the Slayer is revealed it could put you and all those around you in grave danger. Buffy: Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm the Slayer, ask me how!' (gets a look from Giles) Good night. (leaves) Giles: 'Five shall die, and from their ashes the Anointed shall rise.' I was sure it was tonight. Cut to a bus. The passengers ride in silence. Collin: (to Andrew) I went on an airplane. Andrew: A pale horse emerged with death as its rider. You will be judged. You will be judged. Cut to the Bronze. Buffy goes in and looks around for Owen. "Rotten Apple" by Three Day Wheely is playing on the sound system. Lyrics: ...is real / Then you wake up shouting some familiar name / It's not the same Buffy sees Owen dancing with Cordelia. She looks on, crushed by the sight of them together. Lyrics: You're just a girl / Just a girl who knows no shame / Whose desperate pace has lost its taste / A never-ending darkness weighs / I can't avoid, I can't complain / I know exactly who's to blame / The girl who shares my... Cut to the bus. Andrew has gotten up and stands in the aisle. Andrew: That day's gonna bring fire. Fire comin' down! Judgment! (to Collin and his mom) Don't think you're ready, ready to look upon him. If there's sin in there, there's sin all around. It's a liquid. On that day there won't be anybody tellin' us what to do or why we're doin' it. You can't prepare. On that day... Driver: (to Andrew) Hey, you gotta sit down. Okay? Andrew: Are you willing to stand with the righteous? One of the brethren steps in front of the bus. The driver hits the brakes and slams into the vampire. The van begins to swerve, runs through a sign and hits a pole, which brings it to a stop. Driver: (looks back at the passengers) Is everyone okay? The passengers look at each other. They all seem shaken but okay. The driver gets out to check the victim. Driver: (to victim) Are you all right? (kneels down beside him) Can you move? The vampire grabs him by the throat and begins choking him. Another one punches through a window, grabs Andrew by the throat, pulls him out and bites him. The vampires all climb into the bus to get the other people. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ In the school halls at Buffy's locker. She slams it shut and leans on it. Xander: So you just went home? Buffy: What was I supposed to do? Say to Owen, 'Sorry I was late, I was sitting in a cemetery with the librarian waiting for a vampire to rise so I could prevent an evil prophecy from coming to pass?' Xander: (weighs options with his hands) Or flat tire? Buffy: (starts walking) I can't take this anymore. I feel like everyone is staring at me, the big, hideous, dateless monster. (to a passing student) What? Yeah, that's right, I have no life, c'mon, nothin' to see here, pal, move it along! Cut to a different part of the hall. Xander: You're acting a little overly, aren't you? I mean, you could have any guy in school. Buffy: He's not any guy. He's more... Oweny. Xander: Sure, he's got a certain Owenosity, but that's not hard to find. (they reach his locker) I mean, a lotta guys read. (with a goofy smile) I can read. Buffy is leaning on the lockers looking down when she notices Owen come up to her. Owen: Hey, Buffy! Buffy: Owen! Xander: Oh, look, it's Owen. (gets a look from Buffy) Buffy and Owen. And Xander. That'd be me. Owen: W-where were you last night? Buffy: Oh. Well, um, my watch broke and we don't have any clocks in our house and so I didn't know what time it was or even what day it was... Owen: I thought I was the only one that happened to. How 'bout we try it again for tonight? I'll even lend you my watch. He hands her his gold pocket watch and chain. Xander looks at the watch in wide-eyed amazement. Buffy accepts it. Buffy: Tonight? Y-you and me? Xander looks at his Tweety wristwatch. Owen: Well, we could invite the chess club, but they drink and they start fights... Buffy: Oh, no, it's just... Well, I... sort of heard that... you and Cordelia were... somewhat... all over each other. A little... Owen: I danced with her a couple of times. (with a look of distaste) She's kinda grabby. Buffy: Oh, well, let's see, if I rearrange that, and I push that to n... Sure! Tonight'll work! Owen: Great! I'll pick you up at seven? Buffy: Um, seven! Owen: That's when the little hand's (points on the pocket watch) there. Buffy: Oh! Between the six and the eight. Owen: Um, I'll see you then! (leaves) Buffy: (watches him go) Tonight! Isn't that so? Xander: What? Buffy: Me and Owen! (walks off) Xander: (feeling down) Yeah, so it is. (closes his locker) It sure is so. Cut to Giles' office. He has a headache from researching and is just sitting down to have some tea. Buffy barges in. Buffy: Hey, how's it going? Giles: Uh, alright. Buffy: That's great! I see we're still working on that Anointed One problem, that'll probably take you a few days, right? I mean, that's one obscure prophecy... Giles: Well, yes, there are a few interpretations... Buffy: So tonight's looking slow, right? Probably best to relax and regroup, no big disasters coming, that is *so* good, I will see you tomorrow then! Bye! (leaves quickly) Giles: She is the strangest girl. Cut to the Master's lair. Master: You have done well. Everything is in place. When this night's work is done, I will have a mighty ally. I'll be one step closer to freeing myself from this... mystical prison. (feels his confines) I've been trapped down here so long I've nearly forgotten what it's like on the surface. Well, there'll be time enough to remember... when I rule it! If she tries to stop you, kill her. Give your own lives, but do not fail to bring the Anointed. I know you won't disappoint me. (quickly grabs a bug from the air) Bug! Cut to Buffy's room. She's wearing her bathrobe, and Willow is helping her decide on an outfit. Willow: Pick! Buffy: (to Xander) Okay, (Willow holds up one minidress) do I wanna appear shy, coy and naive or (Willow holds up the other) unrestrained, insatiable and aggressive? Xander: (watching from the bed) Uh, y'know, Owen is a little home spun, he probably doesn't like that overly assertive look. (goes to her closet) Oh, hey, here's something. A nice comfy overcoat and a ski cap! (holds them up to her) The ear flaps will bring out your eyes! Buffy and Willow exchange a look. Buffy: Maybe I should mix and match. (Willow nods) Okay, guy's opinion. (grabs two lipsticks from her desk) Which one do you think Owen will like better? (holds them up) The red or the peach? Xander: Oh, you mean for kissing you and then telling all his friends how easy you are so the whole school loses respect for you and then talks behind your back? The red's fine. Buffy: Thanks. I'll go with the peach. (puts on the lipstick) Willow: (hands Buffy a third minidress) Here, put this on. Buffy and Willow look at Xander. Xander: You're not bothering me! Willow sighs and pushes him away. Willow: (to Buffy) So, where's he taking you? Buffy: Oh, I don't know. Where do you suppose young kids go on dates these days? (unties her bathrobe) Xander goes over to her drawer chest and tries to angle the mirror inside a box so he can see. Willow: Well, I read somewhere once that sometimes they go to movies. Buffy: (finishes pulling on the minidress) Movies! Interesting! Willow: And I saw on TV once, a bunch of people our age went to a party. Buffy: (pulls on a boot) Wow! I never knew being a teenager was so full of possibilities! (pulls on the other boot) Xander fumbles with the box. Buffy and Willow look over at him. The door bell rings. Buffy: That's Owen! Cut to Buffy opening the door. Buffy: That's Giles. Giles: We need to talk. Buffy: Buffy's not home. (tries to close the door) Giles: (pushes the door open and comes in) My calculations may not have been as far off as I thought. (holds up a newspaper) Buffy: (reads) 'Five Die in Van Accident'? Giles: Out of the ashes of five shall rise the one. That's the prophecy. Five people have died! Buffy: In a car crash. Giles: I know it doesn't quite follow, but, but it's worth investigating. Look! Among the dead was Andrew Borba, whom the police sought for questioning in a double murder. Now, he may be the Anointed One. The, the bodies have been taken to, to Sunnydale Funeral Home, w-we can... Buffy: (interrupts) Giles, why do you wanna hurt me? Giles: I beg your pardon? Owen: (shows up at the open door) Hey! (comes in) Uh, hi! Giles: You have a date. Buffy: Yes, but I will return those overdue books by tomorrow. Giles: Wait, you're not getting off that easily. Owen: Man, you really care about your work! Willow: (thinking quickly) Uh, Owen? Xander: Yeah, a couple of things about tonight. Willow and Xander lead Owen into the living room. Giles: Another date? Don't you ever do anything else? Buffy: This is the first date! There's never been a date, okay? This is my maiden voyage! Cut to the next room. Owen: What, she doesn't like to dance? Xander: Well, it's a little too late to do anything about that. Uh, you should probably know that Buffy doesn't like to be kissed. Actually she doesn't like to be touched. Willow: Xander... Xander: As a matter of fact, don't even look at her. Cut back to the foyer. Buffy: We don't even know if this is anything. Giles: No, we don't. Buffy: And I haven't had a day off in a while. Giles: True... Buffy: And a cranky Slayer is a careless Slayer! Giles: Buffy, maintaining a normal social life as a Slayer... i-i-is problematic at best. Buffy: This is the 90's. The 1990's, in point of fact, and I can do both. Clark Kent has a job. I just wanna go on a date. Giles: Well, I, I suppose it was a fairly slim lead... Buffy: (pleased) Thank you, thank you, thank you! And look, I won't go far, okay? If the apocalypse comes, beep me. Owen: (comes back) Is everything cool? Buffy: All set. Giles: Yes, and, uh, you'll face a pretty hefty fine in the morning. Buffy: Well, bye. Don't wait up. (leaves quickly with Owen) Willow: Is something going on? Giles: Oh, uh, probably not, no. I, uh, I suppose I'll just, uh, go to the funeral home in case, just see if anything comes up. (leaves) Willow: (to Xander, concerned) This is bad. Xander: I wish it was just bad. Willow: We should... go along. Xander: Yeah, you're right. I don't trust that Owen guy. It's the eyes. Crazy! Willow: Xander, we should go with Giles! He could get in trouble! Xander: Oh, he's gone, uh, it's, he's gonna be alright. He's like super librarian, y'know? Everyone forgets, Willow, that knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Cut to the Bronze. Velvet Chain is playing tonight. They begin with "Strong". Owen and Buffy are sitting at a table talking. Lyrics: I'll be right along / 'Cause, baby, you're so strong Owen: The thing about Emily Dickinson I love is, is she's just so incredibly morbid. A lot of loss, a lot of death... It gets me. With a lot about bees, for some reason. Buffy: Did she have a tragic and romantic life? With a lotta bees? Owen: Quiet. Kind of sequestered and uneventful. Which I can really relate to. I... don't get out much. Buffy: I don't get that. Owen: It's my fault. I just find most girls pretty frivolous. I mean, there's a lot more important things in life than dating, y'know? (Buffy looks down at her beeper) Oh. Did I say something wrong? Buffy: Uh, no! Come on. She leads Owen to the dance floor. Lyrics: Baby, baby, I know it's always been so / Physical love is, oh, so meaningful for you Buffy and Owen dance close. Owen: It's weird. Buffy: What is? Owen: You! One minute you're right there. I've got you figured. The next, it's like you're two people. Buffy: Really? Which one do you like better? Owen: I'll let you know. Lyrics: So strong / Baby, I'm yours / You know / Because you're so / So strong Cut to Cordelia entering the Bronze with some of her friends. She sees Buffy with Owen. Cordelia: Aren't there laws against this sort of thing? (walks over to Buffy and Owen) Owen! Look at you, here all alone... Lyrics: You're so, so strong Owen: Cordelia, I'm here with Buffy. Cordelia: Oh! Okay. Do you wanna dance? Owen: No, I'm still here with Buffy. Cordelia: You are so good to help the needy. Buffy: Cordelia, Owen and I would like to be alone right now, and for that to happen, you would have to go somewhere that's away. Cordelia: (gives Buffy a look) (to Owen) Well, when you're ready for the big leagues, let me know. (leaves) Lyrics: You would suffer, suffer for me Cut to the Sunnydale Funeral Home. Giles drives up in his ancient car. It's quiet. He gets out, slings his bag over his shoulder and starts around his car to the building. The night is creepy, and he has a look around. He continues toward the building, but stops short when he senses something. He looks around again to his right. Nothing. As he turn back he sees one of the brethren in front of him. He starts to back away, but another one is behind him. Giles: Damn! [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ In front of the Sunnydale Funeral Home. Giles is caught between two of the brethren of the Order of Aurelius. He pulls a cross from his bag and holds it up to them. They cower away in pain. Giles makes a dash for the building. Cut inside. Giles looks around and puts his cross back into his bag. He runs to the flower room door and finds it locked. The brethren come into the building after him. Cut to the Bronze. Velvet Chain is playing a new song, "Treason". Lyrics: I have a window in my mind / I can turn to look right through you Owen: Are you, uh, having fun? Buffy: Yeah. I almost feel like a girl. Lyrics: Won't cost you anything but time / To see me feel like you do They smile at each other and continue to dance. Cut to the funeral home. Giles finds the door to the morgue unlocked and rushes in. He slams the door behind him and looks around. He grabs a filing cabinet, tilts it and drags it over to block the door. It works, the brethren can't readily open it. Giles looks around for a way out. The windows are barred. He sees Willow and Xander through the bars. Giles: (startled) AH! Willow: (Willow and Xander raise the window sash) Giles, it's us! Giles: What are you doing here? Xander: We saw two guys going in after you. Are they... Giles: (looks at the door) They are! (looks back) Uh, listen, you should get to safety. Willow: Can you get out this window? Giles: (tests the bars) I'm afraid not. Xander: Look, I hate to state the obvious, but this looks like a job for Buffy? Giles: Uh, she has her, her... beeping thing! (looks around) Um, no phone, of course. Xander: Look, we'll get her, just, uh, hang in there. (Willow and Xander leave) Giles: (worried) Do hurry. Cut to the Bronze. Owen and Buffy are standing by the stairs. Owen: Do you want something to eat? Buffy: Sure. Just make it something fattening. Cordelia: (looking on from the shadows by a door) What a disgusting display. Is that really appropriate behavior in a public forum? I mean, I've never seen a girl throw herself at a guy like that. Uhhh! The door opens and Angel comes in. Cordelia: Ooo! Hello, salty goodness! (to her friend) Pick up the phone, call 911. That boy is gonna need some serious oxygen after I'm through with him. She starts to follow Angel, but stops when she sees him go over to Buffy. Angel: Buffy. Buffy: Angel. Cordelia: Why is this happening to me? Angel: (to Buffy) I was hoping I'd find you here. Buffy: You were? Angel: Some serious stuff happening tonight. You need to be out there. Buffy: No, not you, too. (tries to leave) Angel: (stops her) What do you know? Buffy: Prophecy, Anointed One, yada, yada, yada... Angel: So you know. Fine. I just thought I'd warn you. Buffy: Warn me? You see that guy over there at the bar? (walks around him and faces Owen) He came here to be with me. Angel: You're here on a date? Buffy: (turns to Angel) Yes! Why is it such a shock to everyone? Owen: (returns) Here you go. Buffy: Oh. (looks between Angel and Owen) Um, Owen, this is Angel. Angel, this is Owen. (puts her arm around him) Who is my date. Angel: Hey. Owen: Hey! So. Where do you know Buffy from? Angel: Work. Owen: (to Buffy) You work? Willow and Xander come running up out of breath. Willow: Buffy! Owen: Look at this! You show up everywhere. Interesting. Xander: (points at Owen) You don't know the half of it. (points at Angel) What's he doing here? Angel: I guess it's the same thing you're doin' here. Buffy: Uh, excuse me, what are any of you doing here? Xander: Look, we gotta get to, uh... (Willow kicks him) Uhhhh. We thought it'd be fun if, uh, we made this a double date! Willow and Xander put their arms around each other. Buffy: I didn't know you guys were seeing each other. Willow: Oh, yeah, well, we knew it would happen eventually, so we figured, hey! Why fight it? Owen: And you guys are thinking double? Xander: 'Cause of... (laughs nervously) ...the fun! Owen: (to Angel) And you're here because of work? Xander: Hey, maybe we should all go somewhere together. Buffy: Gee, that's so nice of you to ask, but Owen and I were, well, sort of... Owen and I. Xander: You know what'd be cool? The Sunnydale Funeral Home! Willow: (emphasizing) I've always wanted to go there! Buffy: The funeral home? Owen: Actually, that sounds kinda cool! Do you think we could all sneak in? Xander: We saw some guys in there before. They seemed to be (to Buffy) having fun! Buffy: (to herself) Bite me! She looks up at Angel. He gives her an 'I told you so' look. Buffy: (exhales) (to Owen) Um, Owen, I gotta go. Owen: I thought we were going to the funeral home. Buffy: No, you can't. I'll tell you what. I'll be back in a little while. Owen: Buffy... (leads her away) What's the deal? Do you wanna bail on me? Buffy: No! No... no... uh... You remember when you said I was like two different people? Well, one of them has to go. But the other one is having a really, really good time, and will come back. I promise. Owen just nods his head and watches her go. She comes back and lays a kiss on him. Then she really leaves with Willow and Xander close behind. Owen: (to Angel) She's the strangest girl! Cut to the funeral home. Everything seems quiet. Buffy, Willow and Xander come in through the front door. Buffy: Which way? Willow: The room's around back. They go off to their left. Around a corner they hit a dead end. Buffy: Damn it! Owen: (appears behind them) This is so cool! Buffy: Uh, Owen! You can't be here! Owen: Oh, and I suppose you guys are allowed? What are we doin' here? Are we gonna see a dead body? Buffy: Possibly several. (to Xander and Willow) Guys, watch him. (runs back the way they came) Owen: Is she mad? Willow: Oh, she just wants to make sure there're no guards so we don't get in trouble. Owen: Good thinking. Xander: (to Willow) Good thinking. They start after Buffy. Cut to Buffy quietly walking down the hall, looking and listening. She finds the morgue door open and goes in. The place is a shambles. Buffy: Giles? His bag is on the autopsy gurney. The window bars are torn open. She finds his cross. Suddenly one of the doors to a body storage drawer opens in front of her and the drawer rolls out. Buffy jumps back, startled. Buffy: Giles! Giles: It is you. Oh, good. Buffy: What happened? Giles: Uh, two more of the brethren came in here. They came after me. But I was more than a match for them. Buffy: Meaning...? Giles: I hid. Uh, this, uh, chap was good enough to bunk with me till they went away. (he jumps down off of the cadaver) Buffy: Well, w-were they here after you, or w-was it that prophecy thing? Giles: Ah, well, that's what we have to find out. I don't know what these brethren mean to do exactly. Find the Anointed, or, or, or, or give him something perhaps, uh, it's all, all very vague! And the Anointed may be long gone! Buffy: But he may not be. Giles: We must find out. Buffy: Okay, I just need to get Owen and the others out of harm's way first. Giles: Owen? You brought a date? Buffy: (exhales) I didn't bring him, he came. Giles: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time. Buffy: I know. I'll get rid of him. (starts to leave) Giles: Y-you can't make him go out there alone, we don't know where the brethren are. I-I'll just... Buffy: No! No, Giles, he sees you, he's gonna have more questions than he already does right now. I'll take care of it. She runs out into the hall and looks around for the others. They come around a corner and see her. Willow: Is everything okay? Buffy: It is. Xander: And we'll be leaving? Owen: We're not done lookin' around yet! Buffy: No, he's right. So let's find a nice, safe, fun room to look around in. She takes Owen's hand and leads the group down the hall. They reach the office door. Owen: We tried the office here, but it's locked. Buffy: (breaks the lock) No it's not! (goes in) Owen: Well, I don't think we'll find much in here. Buffy: (looks around) That's the plan. Owen: Okay. (confused) What? Buffy: (finished looking) I have to go now. (laughs nervously) Um, to the bathroom, I have to go to the bathroom. If you hear anything, like a security guard or something, just be really quiet. (to Willow and Xander) And barricade the door. She goes out into the hall again and looks around on her way back to the morgue. Xander closes the office door. Cut to the morgue. Buffy and Giles start looking through the body drawers hoping to find the Anointed One. Buffy: (opens one) Ewww, parts! Giles: Keep looking, he must be here somewhere. Cut to the office. Willow and Xander start to pile furniture in front of the office door. Owen: What are you guys doing? Willow: Uh, just in case! Owen sees a curtain and draws it open. Behind the window he sees a body covered with a sheet. Owen: Oh, my! Willow and Xander turn around to look. Cut to the morgue. Buffy and Giles are still looking. There's only one storage cell left. Giles opens it quickly and Buffy pulls out the drawer. It's empty. Buffy: Nothing. Giles: The Anointed must be gone. Buffy: I guess. I mean, this is where they keep all the dead bodies, right? Giles: Mm-hm. Cut to the office. Owen is looking at the body with fascination. Willow and Xander look worried. Owen: I read a lot about death, but... but I've... never really seen a dead body before. The body's hand moves. Owen: Do they... usually move? The hand moves again. Willow and Xander approach to have a closer look. The hand reaches up and pulls the sheet off. Andrew sits up and faces them. He is a vampire now. He stands up, looks down at himself and flexes his hands. He looks back up at them. Andrew: I have been judged! ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The mortuary office. Owen: What's goin' on? They back away from the window slowly. Andrew approaches the window and smashes it with his forehead. Cut to the morgue. Buffy and Giles hear the window being smashed. Buffy: Oh, no! She starts running to the office. Cut to the office. Andrew: (laughs) He is risen in me! He fills my head with song! Owen, Willow and Xander frantically begin moving the furniture away from the door. Andrew steps through the opening. Andrew: Pork and beans. Pork and beans! Xander: (to Willow) Gimme that! Andrew: I can smell you. They get the furniture moved. Willow opens the door and they run out. Andrew follows at a quick walk. Andrew: You're the chaff, unblessed. I'll suck the blood from your hearts, he says I may! Cut to the hall. Buffy meets them running down the hall. Xander: He's in there! Buffy: Uh, go! Get out! Xander: She'll be okay. C'mon! They continue running. Buffy tries to find Andrew. She can hear him singing as he comes down the hall toward her. Andrew: Shall we gather at the river? / The beautiful, the beautiful river? She decides to try to head him off another way. Xander, Willow and Owen find the exit, but are blocked by the brethren. Willow screams. Xander pulls her around and behind himself. Instead of attacking, the brethren close the gates. The hall is empty, but they can hear Andrew singing. Willow: I think he's coming this way! They run and find themselves at the same dead end as when they first got there. Owen: Oh, God, this is too much! Cut to the morgue. Giles is still there. Buffy rushes in. Buffy: What've you got? Giles: What? Buffy: What'd you bring? Do you have a stake? Giles: Oh, uh... (hands her a stake.) Buffy: Thank you! (starts back out the door) Giles: W-what should I do? Buffy: (faces Giles) Um, go outside and make sure the others are okay. Andrew comes up behind Buffy, grabs her and throws her into a cabinet. She hits the floor unconscious. Giles rushes to her aid. Giles: Buffy! Cut to the hall. Owen: Somebody's gotta help Buffy! Willow: Owen! Owen starts to run to the morgue. Willow and Xander follow. Cut to the morgue. Buffy is awake again, but still on the floor. Andrew approaches Giles. Andrew: They told me about you while I was sleeping. Giles holds up his cross. It is painful to Andrew. Andrew: Uh! Why does he hurt me? He slaps Giles' hand away, and the cross goes flying. He grabs Giles and throws him into the crematory controls. The fires in the chamber light. Giles falls unconscious. Andrew bends down to pick Buffy up. Owen comes running in. Owen: Buffy! Andrew raises her above his head. Owen: No! He grabs a tray and swings it into Andrew's back, stunning him. His knees buckle and he lets go of Buffy. She staggers into an open body drawer door and falls down unconscious. Andrew turns, grabs Owen by the neck and growls as he moves in to bite. Owen grabs an urn from a shelf and smashes it over Andrew's head. He falls. Owen goes over to help Buffy. She wakes up again and tries to get up. Owen: Did you see that? He tried to bite me! (helps Buffy up) What a sissy! Andrew gets back up, grabs Owen and smashes a body drawer door into the back of his head, knocking him out. Buffy: No! Andrew: Dead! (lets Owen fall) He was found wanting! Buffy gets him solidly in the gut with a front snap kick. He rolls over the autopsy gurney and onto the floor. She runs around to the far end of the gurney. Andrew quickly gets up. She pushes the gurney into his gut, and then pushes down on her end so it pivots up to hit him in the chin. He staggers back and falls. She jumps up onto the gurney and does a roundoff onto the floor as he gets up. He swings widely at Buffy's face, but she blocks it. He tries again with his other arm, hitting Buffy solidly in the face and knocking her to the ground. He taunts her as she quickly gets up. Buffy: You killed my date! Willow and Xander appear at the door. Willow sees Owen wake up as Buffy and Andrew fight. Willow: Buffy! Owen's... Xander: (pulls Willow back) J-just give her a sec! Buffy blocks another punch, and then hits Andrew in the face with an open-hand punch. Blocking a second punch from him, she hits him in the gut with another open-hand punch. As he leans forward from the pain, she knees him in the gut, and then shoves him backward into a counter. Buffy: You killed my date! Giles regains consciousness. Andrew turns back to Buffy. Andrew: Your turn! He lunges at Buffy, but she sidesteps him and uses his forward momentum to launch him into the air. He lands on the gurney, and it rolls over to the crematory. The gurney stops when it hits, but Andrew continues to slide through the open door. Giles kicks the gurney away and slams the crematory door shut. Andrew screams. Buffy watches him burn through the small window. Then she notices Owen trying to sit up. Owen: Does anyone have an aspirin? Or sixty? Buffy: (goes to Owen) Owen! (crouches beside him) Owen: What happened to that guy? Buffy: Oh... We scared him away. Owen: Oh, good. 'Cause, y'know, I would've... Buffy: I know. Here... (helps him up) I'm sure this isn't exactly what you had in mind for our first date. Owen: (rubs his head) Yeah! I was hoping maybe we'd finish at Ben & Jerry's. Buffy: We still could... Owen: No, I, I, I think I'll just walk home. (starts to go, but stops) Uh, which way's home? Buffy: I'll get you there. Owen: No, I'll, I'll go it alone. Willow and Xander come over. Xander: We'll make sure he gets home safely. They lead Owen away. Buffy watches them go. Giles comes over behind her. Giles: Buffy, if I might, uh... Buffy: (cuts him off) Don't! (slowly walks out) Cut to the school. Buffy, Xander and Willow are walking along the balcony. Buffy: Well, did Owen say anything about me on the way home? Willow: Oh, you mean specifically about you? Buffy: Or generally... i-in the area, in the ballpark, any sort of indication? They round the corner and start down the stairs. Xander: Well, in that case, no. Willow: But he was pretty incoherent, so we might've missed it. Buffy: You think? Xander: No. Buffy: I knew it. I totally blew it last night! Xander: No, see, what you need is a guy who already knows your deepest, darkest secrets and still says, 'Hey! I like that girl!' Someone like... Buffy: (sees Owen) Owen! Willow: Well, heh... This is our stop. She walks around Buffy and drags Xander away with her. Owen: Hi. Buffy: Hi. (long awkward pause) This is going well. Owen: I don't really know how to say this, but... about last night... Buffy: You don't even have to. I'm sure you were pretty freaked out. Owen: Totally. (Buffy looks down) And... I was wondering when I could see you again. Buffy: (looks back up) Um, that was my hopeful ear. Could you repeat that? Owen: I think you're the coolest! Buffy: (smiles) Really? Owen: I mean, last night was incredible! I never thought nearly getting killed would make me feel so... alive! Buffy: (looks down and starts to walk) So that's why you wanna be with me. Owen: (follows her) Oh, absolutely! When can we do something like that again? Buffy: Something like... Owen: Like, walk downtown at three in the morning, a-and pick a fight in a bar. How about tonight? Buffy: Tonight would... (they stop walking) be... not a workable thing. Did I just say that? Owen: Tomorrow, then. I-I'm free any night this week. Buffy: I'm not. Please don't take this personally. It's not you, it's me. Owen: (beginning to get it) Right. It's you. Buffy: And I was kinda hoping that... maybe you and I could still be... Owen: (very disappointed) I, I get it. You just wanna be friends. Buffy: That'd be nice. Owen: Friends. Yeah. Great. (leaves) Lyrics: The world will keep on turning / It'll all be there come morning / So tonight... Buffy: Yeah. Great. Lyrics: Let the sun fall down all around you (song by Kim Richey) Giles comes up behind her. They watch Owen leave. Buffy notices Giles and looks at him. He's at a loss. She goes over to sit on a bench. Giles follows her. Giles: I was ten years old when my father told me I was destined to be a Watcher. (sits next to her) He was one, and his, uh, mother before him, and I was to be next. Buffy: Were you thrilled beyond all measure? Giles: No, I had very definite plans about my future. I was going to be a fighter pilot. Or possibly a grocer, well, uh... My father gave me a very tiresome speech about, uh, responsibility and sacrifice. Buffy: Sacrifice, huh? Giles: (looks toward Owen) Seems like a nice lad. Buffy: Yeah. But he wants to be danger man. You, Xander, Willow, you guys... you guys know the score, you're careful. Two days in my world and Owen really would get himself killed. Or I'd get him killed. (faces Giles) Or someone else. Giles: I, I went to the funeral home of my own free will. Buffy: And I should've been there. Giles: Buffy... Buffy: I blew it! Giles: I have volumes of lore, of prophecies, of predictions. But I don't have an instruction manual. We feel our way as we go along. And, I must say, as a Slayer, you're, you're doing... pretty well. Buffy: (smiles) Well. At least I did stop that prophecy thing from coming true. Giles: You did! Handily. No more Anointed One. And I would imagine the Master, wherever he is, is having a fairly bad day himself. He smiles. Buffy laughs back. Cut to the Master in his Lair. Master: (quotes scripture) 'And in this time will come the Anointed. And the Slayer will not know him. She will not stop him, and he will lead her into hell.' (kneels down next to Collin) Welcome, my friend.
Plan: A: Buffy's love life; Q: What is looking up when she goes on a date with the normal Owen? A: Owen; Q: Who nearly gets killed during Buffy's battle to save Giles? A: the Master's vampires; Q: What is the name of the group that Buffy and Giles are fighting against? A: "normal" dating; Q: What does Buffy decide might be too dangerous after all? Summary: Buffy's love life is looking up when she goes on a date with the normal Owen, but when Owen nearly gets killed during Buffy's battle to save Giles and the others from the Master's vampires, she decides that "normal" dating might be too dangerous after all.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] (Camera moves in slowly to the large screen on the side of the hotel/casino under the headline: VEGAS SHOWGIRL REVUE. On the screen is a stage view of the Showgirls on Stage.) Julie Waters: (V.O.) Some girls want to be Homecoming Queen. Some girls want to be Miss America. I have always wanted to be a Showgirl. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DELHOMME RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] [ON TELEVISION] (Extreme close up of JULIE WATERS' eye. Camera moves out and we see that we're watching footage of JULIE WATERS giving an interview.) Julie Waters: (on tv) I mean, I've been taking dancing lessons since I was five. I would, um ... I would pull my leotards really high up on my hips, (A man's hand reaches out to the monitor and lightly caresses her image on screen.) Julie Waters: (on tv) ... and stick feathers in my hair, put on my mom's high heels, and then I would put on this show. (JULIE WATERS laughs self-consciously.) Paula Francis: (on tv) This is day six in the search for Julie Waters, the model and aspiring reported missing by her parents last Thursday. Authorities are asking for the public's help in any information regarding her whereabouts. (HOWARD DELHOMME changes the channel and finds that JULIE WATERS' image is on every station. In his other hand, he holds a cordless phone.) Male Reporter: (on tv): Where is Julie Waters? That's the question authorities thus far ... Operator (male): (from phone) Can you tell me your address, sir? What is your emergency? Howard Delhomme: (whispers) She's so beautiful. Julie Waters: (b.g. on tv) The first day I got here, I went straight to the Tropicana ... Howard Delhomme: (to phone) Soft and ... Julie Waters: (b.g. on tv) I walked right past all the slots and the tables, to the tiffany theater. ... Howard Delhomme: (to phone) ... sweet ... like an angel. Julie Waters: (b.g. on tv) I snuck in, and I just sat there in the back row, just watching. (She sighs.) Operator (male): (from phone) What is your emergency? Howard Delhomme: (crying) I never meant to hurt her ... (HOWARD DELHOMME hangs up the phone.) Julie Waters: (on tv) I couldn't get the smile off of my face. (HOWARD falls to his hands and knees in front of the television and searches the floor for his gun.) Julie Waters: (on tv) (she laughs) I didn't even see when the security guard came up to me, and he told me that I had to leave. You know, "all rehearsals are closed." (Camera focuses on her MOUTH, then moves up to focus on her EYE.) Julie Waters: (on tv) So I got up, and then he turns to me ... and he says, um ... "go ahead and stay." (HOWARD lifts the gun and places the tip of the barrel against his lips.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DELHOMME RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (Officer cars line the front lawn like a barricade; SWAT members aim their guns on the front door.) SWAT Officer: He's coming out. Be advised: Suspect is armed. He's coming out. (The door opens and HOWARD DELHOMME slowly, painfully walks out of the house.) Officer: We have visual. OFFICER: Drop your weapon! OFFICER: Freeze! Freeze! (The OFFICERS start to converge on the suspect.) SWAT Leader: Get on your knees right now! (The suspect falls to his knees, the SWAT LEADER and other officers approach him.) SWAT Leader: Right there, right on your knees! (An OFFICER cuffs the suspect where he kneels.) Brass: Clear the house. Look for the girl. (All but a few OFFICERS leave and head into the house.) WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. DELHOMME RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (It's a short time later, reporters and other curious onlookers gather around the front lawn.) (BRASS runs out of the house and across the lawn.) Reporters: Captain! Captain! Captain Brass! (He heads for DELHOMME where he sits on the side while NICK gives him a breathalizer test.) Brass: Where is she? Delhomme: Huh? Brass: (leans in close) See this face? I'm going to be all over you till you give her up. Nick: (warning) Jim, the world's watching. Brass: I want him waiting for me. (The OFFICERS take DELHOMME away. CATHERINE and SARA, carrying their kits, join the group.) Brass: Swat cleared the house. It's empty. Catherine: So no girl? (BRASS shakes his head.) Catherine: (to NICK) What did he blow? Nick: A .21. Catherine: Going to take him a long time to sober up. Brass: I'm not waiting. Sara: Did he say anything about her? Brass: He never actually mentioned her name. All he said was, "I never meant to hurt her." Catherine: Six days missing? He didn't just hurt her. CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [CLOSE UP: DELHOMME'S EYES] (DELHOMME looks up and around, not really focusing on any one thing around him. In the background, we hear continuing news reports from the television.) Sheriff Rory Atwater: (v.o. from tv) At this time, the Las Vegas Police Department has in custody one Howard Delhomme, ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DELHOMME RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] (The television set is on and we see SHERIFF RORY ATWATER giving a press conference. The heading on the bottom of the screen reads: LIVE ATWATER NEWS CONFERENCE EYEWITNESS NEWS 8 Sheriff Rory Atwater: (on tv) ... whom we believe to be responsible for the disappearance of Julie Waters. Our forensic team is currently combing the Delhomme residence searching for clues to her whereabouts. Reporter: (from tv) Sheriff, how long will it take to find her? (CATHERINE is kneeling in the center of the living room on top of a carpeting of newspapers and in front of the large television set of the press conference.) (CATHERINE picks up a newspaper and looks at it. The title of the paper is: NEVADA and the west {heading on right} PARTYING BEAUTY AT AGE 73 LAS VEGAS RENO NEVADA * November 8 {LARGE photo of JULIE WATERS on left} {headline on right} WATERS INVESTIGATION TAKES TOP PRIORITY ) (CATHERINE puts the paper aside.) (Behind her, SARA quietly goes through more newspapers on the coffee table.) Sheriff Rory Atwater: (on tv) I expect an answer to that just as soon as the team is finished processing the house. Catherine: (mutters) Attaboy, Sheriff. Nothing like predicting the future. (The paper that SARA looks at has multiple doodling sketches of various drawings of an eye or eyes in black ink. The newspaper's headlines read: ... ES TO LOSE FAITH ... Under the headlines is a large photo of JULIE WATERS with another woman. DELHOMME drew a large eye over JULIE'S forehead and completely traced over both sets of women's eyes in the photo like black eyeliner.) Sara: This guy was unraveling. (SARA looks at a nearby magazine on the coffee table with a beautiful cover shot of JULIE WATERS in a yellow showgirl-sequenced-outfit. The title story reads: DYING FOR FAME, THE LIFE OF JULIE WATERS.) (CATHERINE picks up a newspaper. It's dated NOVEMBER 11, 2003; the headline reads: [NO LEADS IN JULIE WATERS CASE By Mike Botomi Review-Journal Article reads: LAS VEGAS - Authorities are growing increasingly frustrated in their search for Julie Waters, the missing model/showgirl whom in recent days, has captured the sympathy of the entire Las Vegas Community. The LVPD released a statement late last night indicating that the crime well was drying up with very few fresh leads to explore. LVPD Sheriff Rory Atwater when asked about the likelihood ... ... expressing a sentiment that should be familiar to those who have followed that unfolding events of the past week, "Julie is a face to remind us of everyone's daughter, as anyone with a child can attest to." It should be noted that the natural general principle that will subgame this boring case requires considerable sexual performance ... ] Catherine: This is like a timeline. Day one all the way up until this morning. (Camera pans slowly across the carpent of papers to show the variety and headlines: * The LAS VEGAS SUN with large photo of JULIE WATERS on the front page with the headline: FEARED DEAD. * METRO ... with a large photo of JULIE WATERS on the front page. * NEVADA with the headline STATE RAIDS CRAWFISH OPERATION * LIVING with a photo of JULIE WATERS on the front page. ) (SARA looks around the living room and notes the kitchen television set on televising an interview with JULIE WATERS.) Julie Waters: (on tv) I mean, I've been taking dancing lessons since I was five. I would, um ... I would pull my leotards ... Sara: More Julie Waters. Julie Waters: (on tv) ...Stick feathers in my hair, put on my mom's high heels, and then I would put on this show. (CATHERINE moves past SARA and into the KITCHEN. She keeps walking down the hallway toward the room at the end of the hall. She opens the room and finds that it's a darkroom, red lights are still on.) (The first thing they see is a photo of an extreme close up of an EYE hanging on the line to dry. CATHERINE and SARA enter the dark room.) (Other pictures hanging from the line to dry are other multiple photos of EXTREME CLOSE UP of a person's EYE.) (In fact, it almost appears as if every single photo hanging on the line to dry is a photo of a person's eye.) (CATHERINE looks down on the table and sees a photo of an speedometer, more photos of an EYE, then a business card.) (CATHERINE picks on up and looks at it. It reads: HOWARD DELHOMME PHOTOGRAPHY 78586 AMBERS AVE., LAS VEGAS, 89108 702-555-0176 / (cell) 702-555-0178 Catherine: (reading) "Howard Delhomme Photography." (CATHERINE puts the card down and looks at the photos hanging on the drying line. Camera passes a couple of odd-looking photos and another close up photo of an eye.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Camera opens on HOWARD DELHOMME'S eyes. He blinks rapidly and is out of focus. BRASS walks in and stops next to him.) Brass: Media's gone now. Just you and me. Where is she? (HOWARD DELHOMME continues to look around and blink. He's not focused on BRASS or what BRASS has to say.) Brass: Nobody calls 911 unless they're ready to talk. (HOWARD DELHOMME continues to look around.) Brass: Tell me. (BRASS grabs HOWARD DELHOMME'S chin and turns his face to look at his directly.) Brass: Tell me. Get used to this room, bud. You're not going anywhere. (BRASS lets go and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (CATHERINE, NICK and SARA review the crime scene photos via slideshow.) Catherine: Who reported Julie Waters missing? Nick: Her mom. She said she talks to her every day. Called the station when she couldn't reach her by nightfall. Sara: Grissom sent Nick and I to her apartment on the "missing." Her bills were paid, ready to mail. Nick: Doesn't look like any of her toiletries were missing. (There are a couple of slides of a prescription container from the LATONA PHARMACY. The label reads: JULIE WATERS 555-0150 J. BRADLEY TAKE ONE TABLET EVERY NIGHT CYCLE *** 100MG Sara: She even left her birth control pills. Strange. Nick: Her mom said she had dinner with the producers of Real Vegas Showgirls. Catherine: What's that? Nick: It's a reality-based show shooting here in Vegas. Catherine: What about her car? Nick: It was found four days ago at Dante's pizza on boulder highway -- parking lot. (GRISSOM walks into the lab.) Sara: Locked. No signs of foul play. Catherine: Purse? Sara: It's the only thing that was missing. Grissom: What about the drunk guy? Nick: A professional photographer, lives alone ... Grissom: You collected everything at his house -- no evidence of Julie? Catherine: Although the place was papered with articles about her, all acquired after the fact. (CATHERINE'S phone rings. She looks at the ID. It reads: BRASS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk through the hallway. The closer they approach the room they can hear BRASS and the OFFICER talking.) Officer Joe: I was following protocol. Brass: Come on, Joe, I ask you to do one thing and this happens? Officer Joe: I'm sorry, Captain. I got called away on a PCP ... (BRASS sees CATHERINE and GRISSOM turn the corner and he stops JOE from continuing.) Brass: Joe. Catherine: Where is he? Brass: Getting stitched up, but he left something for you. (GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk into the interview room. On the wall, written in blood is a message.) Catherine: (reading) "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone." (GRISSOM looks a the broken metal lining with blood on it. He looks down and sees the blood pooling on the floor. GRISSOM leans in for a closer look.) (Quick flashback to: DELHOMME uses his thumbnail and pries the metal siding away from the table. He digs it into his hand, drawing blood. He dips his finger in to his own blood and uses it to write his message on the wall. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: "Anyone"? What's that supposed to mean? That Julie Waters isn't his first victim? He's done this before? (An OFFICER escorts HOWARD DELHOMME back to the cell. CATHERINE turns around and HOWARD gets a good look at CATHERINE. Their eyes meet and HOWARD can't seem to take his eyes off of CATHERINE. He's very, very focused on CATHERINE.) (GRISSOM looks up from the table and sees HOWARD'S fixation on CATHERINE.) Grissom: (to the OFFICER) You want to take him into the next room, please? (The OFFICER pulls HOWARD out of the room. Camera holds on CATHERINE.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (BRASS and SARA interview HOWARD DELHOMME. HOWARD is not focused on them, he picks on the bandage over his wound.) Sara: Look, I know you want to make this right. You called 911. (HOWARD doesn't answer them.) Brass: What, do you think you're going to walk out of here? You're in for the long haul. (Still, HOWARD doesn't answer.) Sara: If you help me, I can help you. We already know who you're talking about. All we need to know is where to find her. Brass: Are we boring you? Huh? 'Cause what you're not getting is I got all night. One of us is getting overtime to be here, and it isn't you, so talk to me. (HOWARD lifts his head.) Howard Delhomme: I'll talk ... only for the one in the next room -- The Pretty One. (Camera holds on SARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT ROAD - DAY] (OFFICER cars speed down the roadway.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT -- DAY] (CATHERINE and HOWARD DELHOMME walk over the hill. Behind them, OFFICERS and NEWSREPORTERS follow.) Catherine: How many yards did you say it was from mile marker 15? Howard Delhomme: Why don't you take off your sunglasses and your hat? Catherine: Need your help here, Mr. Delhomme. Howard Delhomme: Howard. Catherine: All right. (CATHERINE takes off her glasses and looks at HOWARD.) Catherine: Howard. Are we in the right place? Howard Delhomme: You walk like a dancer. Do you moonlight? I'll bet you're featured, huh? High dollar. Nice long hair down your back? Catherine: What were you wearing that day, Howard? Howard Delhomme: I like long hair. Catherine: You recognize any of these rock formations? Howard Delhomme: You could grow yours out more, but ... (They continue to walk down the hill.) (In the back, ready and waiting, are the scent dogs.) (Cut to: The news media stand along the edge of the search waiting for word and interviewing various OFFICERS. Down below, GRISSOM, SARA other OFFICERS form a search line to look for evidence.) [SCENE_BREAK] [SUNSET] (Silhouette against the evening sunset, SARA and GRISSOM talk.) Sara: What are we doing? I-is this logical? We have suspects picking their criminalists now. Grissom: Well, we all want the same thing, Sara. Catherine may have a way in. It could be helpful. Sara: So this looks 'helpful' to you? [SCENE_BREAK] [EVENING] (A search helicopter flies above.) (GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk HOWARD DELHOMME back to the car.) Grissom: We're not finding anything. You said she was here. Howard Delhomme: I'm getting confused. All these people here. Catherine: You'd be less confused if it was just you and me? Howard Delhomme: I see pictures of her on tv, in the magazines, the newspapers ... Grissom: Mr. Delhomme, we're going to take you back to the station. Howard Delhomme: I'd rather go home. Catherine: Not yet. (The OFFICER not too gently pushes DELHOMME into the car.) Officer: Get in. Catherine: Hey, uh ... We need him in one piece. (HOWARD notices CATHERINE and looks at her. She meets his gaze and his mouth twitches in a smile.) (The car leaves.) Catherine: All right, at least we can hold onto him for a while. Grissom: Well, the public defender may have him out on bail by tomorrow morning. Nick: Meanwhile, we still haven't found anything. Now, did anyone stop to think this guy might just be nuts? Catherine: Well, until we find the body, he is all the evidence we've got. Sara: We don't even know if he did it. Catherine: Oh, I've got a good feeling about this. Sara: So does the suspect. The only reason that we're out here today on this wild goose chase is because he wanted to hang out with you. (GRISSOM hears SARA and turns to look at her.) Sara: It's weird. Catherine: Believe me, I'd rather follow the evidence, but if it takes having the evidence follow me ... (GRISSOM turns to look at NICK.) Nick: The original missing persons call was mine and Sara's. Catherine: I'm the Senior CSI here. Grissom: Uh-uh. I'm the Senior CSI here. Catherine: You want it? Nick: Hold on, now. This is a career case, Grissom. You know Sara and I both put in for a promotion. If we work this, we're on departmental radar here. Catherine: I got the most high-profile cases under my belt; I think that the Sheriff would rest easier knowing that I was heading it up. Sara: It's a big department. There's a lot of room at the top. (NICK looks at GRISSOM.) Nick: We wouldn't ask for it if we couldn't do it. (Thinking, GRISSOM looks down at the ground. He lifts his head and looks directly at SARA.) (SARA reads his look and isn't happy about it at all.) Sara: Fine. (NICK also reads GRISSOM'S look and leaves with SARA. CATHERINE turns to look at GRISSOM.) Catherine: You going to have my back? Grissom: I always have your back. Catherine: He wanted me. He's got me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (The lab techs watch the most recent news report on television: JULIE WATERS MURDER CASE / EYEWITNESS NEWS 8.) News Reporter (woman): (on tv) Suspected murderer Howard Delhomme led police department personnel on a fruitless search for the body of Julie Waters. The search was called off in darkness with no indication that law enforcement personnel will continue to comb the red rock area. Sheriff Rory Atwater: Just don't make me look bad. Grissom: Hey, you set the stage. Sheriff Rory Atwater: Voters -- they like swift resolutions. If he's the guy, I need to say it. Grissom: Well, let's find out if he is the guy first. (They reach the lab and stop. THE SHERIFF looks inside the lab.) Sheriff Rory Atwater: Who's that with Catherine? Grissom: Greg Sanders. DNA. Sheriff Rory Atwater: Is he on the case? Grissom: Yeah. Sheriff Rory Atwater: Hell of a time to break out the "B" team, isn't it? (GRISSOM glances from the lab to the SHERIFF.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE and GREG sort through HOWARD DELHOMME'S trash.) Catherine: Remember, we're looking for anything this guy did last Thursday, November 6. Greg: Find where he was seven days ago, and we'll find Julie. (They sort through the receipts and slips of paper putting it into piles by dates 11/6, 11/7, 11/8 ...) Greg: So, I know Warrick's off. And Sara's pissed. Why not ask Nick to help? Catherine: You want to learn. And you can start by not repeating my mistakes. Greg: You mean Sam Braun? Catherine: I screwed up. You covered me. Greg: That's why I'm here? Catherine: No, you're here because I want you to be here. Greg: (pleased) Oh. (GREG looks down at the receipt in his hand from: BIG SNAX 517 Bourban Way Las Vegas, NV NORMAL SALE ) Greg: He was hungry. "Big Snax." A chain. He bought soda for 75 cents, snack for 75 cents, and a household item for $9.99. (The items on the receipt read: **82349349 SODA 0.75 **4237582 SNACK 0.75 **7234816 HOUSEHOLD 9.99 SUBTOTAL 11.49 TAX @ 7.25% 0.83 TOTAL 12.32 Catherine: Household item? That could be anything. (CATHERINE picks up a vehicle release agreement.) Catherine: Inucci motors. [HOME PHONE NUMBER: 702-555-0176 TIME OUT: 2 PM 11/6 TIME IN: 11/17 9 AM ] Catherine: He checked out a car at 2:00 that afternoon and returned it the following morning at 9:00 am. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. INUCCI MOTORS - SHOWROOM -- DAY (CATHERINE talks with the MANAGER.) Catherine: Why would Howard Delhomme have a receipt for one of your cars? Manager: We hired him to photograph it. Catherine: Did you instruct him to hire a model for the photo shoot? Manager: A model? Never. Nothing in the photographs should be sexier than the automobile. Catherine: Where is the car? Manager: It's not just a car. It's a Maserati. Catherine: Oh. Well, I appreciate that. I still need to look at it. Manager: Honey ... The car has been detailed three times since Howard brought it back. It's getting primed for a whale tomorrow. You're wasting your time. Catherine: You know what I did the last time I looked at a car? I cut out a 12-by-12-inch section of leather from every seat. Guy was a drug dealer. You know, a salesman? Manager: I need this car. Untouched. Catherine: Oh, well, I can't promise you that. But what I can promise you is that for the next few hours ... (CATHERINE hands him the warrant.) Catherine: ... that car is mine. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (CATHERINE uses the ALS and checks the inside of the car. She finds a strand of hair and puts it in a bindle. She GSR tests the upholstery for blood and finds it positive.) (Cut to: GREG walks into the garage and sees the car.) Greg: Boy, what I could do with a car like this. (CATHERINE backs out of the car backseat and hands the hair sample to GREG.) Catherine: Take these and compare them to the toothbrush that Sara collected from Julie Waters' apartment. (GREG doesn't move, his eyes are on the car.) Catherine: Hey ... you want to gawk, do it on your own time. You want to work with me, stay focused. Greg: Got it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - OFFICE] (SARA goes through the files and pulls out a file.) Sara: I don't believe this. Nick: What does it matter? We're all on the same team. (SARA sits down at the other side of the desk.) Sara: Nick, it was our case. You said it: You wait a career for a case like this. Puts us on the front line for promotion. Nick: Let's just find her, okay? Sara: You know what the worst part about this whole thing is? Catherine knows I can do this case. Nick: So can I. Sara: I would take you and me over Catherine and Greg anytime. (This news startles NICK.) Nick: She's got Greg helping her? Sara: Yeah. Nick: (rationalizing) Well, the only way to learn is by getting out in the field, and if Greg helps find her, I'm okay with that. (SARA looks at NICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (CATHERINE sits and watches JULIE WATERS' interview.) Julie Waters: (on tv) The first day that I got here I went straight to the Tropicana. I walked right past all the slots and the tables, to the tiffany theater. I snuck in, and I just sat there in the back row, just watching. (sighs) I couldn't get the smile off of my face. (laughs) I didn't even see when the security guard came up to me, and he told me that I had to leave. You know, "all rehearsals are closed." (GRISSOM walks into the lab and watches the video with CATHERINE.) Julie Waters: (on tv) So I got up. And then he turns to me, and he says, um ... "go ahead and stay." Grissom: Is there anything on these tapes? Catherine: Nothing. How's it going with the Sheriff? Grissom: He wants to know why you're working with young Greg. You could have had Warrick, you know. Or asked Nick to help. Catherine: I need someone without an agenda. Grissom: Like when Fung brought in Mazzola? Everybody lost. Catherine: This isn't O.J. Grissom: Could be. A trainee on a career case... Catherine: I know what I'm doing. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - OFFICE] (On the desk between them, SARA and NICK go through the various case files.) Sara: Twelve missing girls so far over the last two years. Ten of them found dead. Nick: How many were models? Sara: None, except for this one. Robyn Knight. Day shift found her skeletal remains six months ago. (SARA shows the file to NICK. He looks at it.) Nick: Washed up during heavy rains. Furnace Creek. "Left in the morning for a photo shoot. Has a list of photographers in her day planner." (Camera focuses on the report: DAY PLANNER - NAMES TERRY MANNING M. KIMBLE HOWARD DELHOMME KENNY BERLIN ... 5/20 A BODY ... ) (NICK looks up at SARA.) Nick: Guess whose name is on the list? Sara: Howard Delhomme. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (NICK and SARA are in the lab working on the laptop when CATHERINE walks in with a file.) Catherine: Hey. (NICK and SARA continue working.) Catherine: How's it going? Sara: Your case. You tell us. Catherine: The odometer of the Maserati had 142 miles on it. The car dealer said that the vehicle only had nine miles when DelHomme picked it up. That means Delhomme drove it for 133 miles. If you do the math, that makes the search radius approximately 66 miles. Nick: Julie's vehicle was found in the parking lot of Dante's Pizza, off Boulder highway. That's what? 12 miles away? (SARA puts the locations into the map on the monitor.) Catherine: It's probably where she hooked up with DelHomme. Nick: So they hopped in the car and went to a photo shoot. Sara: If they did do a photo shoot, and we don't even know that they did, where are the photos? (GREG walks into the lab.) Greg: I finished the DNA from the car. Matches the reference Sara got from Julie's apartment. And the snack shop? It's the one on Granite's pass. I also found out what the household item was on the receipt. (SARA marks the location on the monitor.) Greg: It was a shovel. Sara: He'd already killed her. Catherine: That explains the blood and the hair in the back seat of the Maserati. Nick: He drove her body to the snack bar and went back and buried her. Question is where? (CATHERINE sees the car photos on the table.) Sara: Robyn Knight washed up near Furnace Creek. (SARA marks the location on the map and colors in the radius in red.) (CATHERINE picks up a photo and recognizes the rock formations in the background.) Catherine: That's "Devil's Smile." (Camera holds on the photo of the cars.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT -- DEVIL'S SMILE - NIGHT] (Search crews are out looking for JULIE WATERS' body. CATHERINE and GREG watch from the side.) Greg: I understand why all these cadets are here. They have to be. But what's up with all these off-duty cops? Catherine: Chance to be a hero. Girl's beautiful. These guys don't get many chances. Greg: For what? Catherine: To rescue a princess. Cadet: (o.s.) I think we may have found something! (A helicopter flies over head.) (The cadet leads CATHERINE and GREG to the spot. As they approach, they see someone leaning forward to move something. CATHERINE stops them.) Catherine: Hey, hey! Hold on. Nobody touch the crime scene. We do this right. (She reaches the body and kneels down to look at the fingers sticking out of the ground. GREG kneels down behind her.) Catherine: All right ... I want you to search every trash can, drainage ditch, dump site between here and the city. We're looking for a shovel, a purse, anything else that looks like it belonged to her. Officer: Okay ... (The group disburses.) (Dissolve to: A top view of the scene.) Nick: (V.O.) Okay, Greg, diagram every rock on the pile. By trial time, defense will make us recreate this whole crime scene. (Various dissolves as the scene is cleared of the pile of rocks, photos taken and the body uncovered.) (On the side, sand is sifted.) (NICK and CATHERINE uncover the body. CATHERINE sighs as she looks down at the body.) Catherine: (nods) Sleeping Beauty. (Camera holds on JULIE WATERS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DESERT - DEVIL'S SMILE -- DAY] (BRASS walks down the hill toward the group around the body.) (Everyone sits a moment quietly looking down at the body. BRASS leans in.) Brass: Julie Waters? Catherine: (nods) Nature preserved her. (Quick CGI POV to: The rocks and sand and fingers.) Catherine: (V.O.) Loose sandy soil, shady area, November temperatures -- it was like a freezer. (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) (CATHERINE points to her shirt zippered up all the way up to her chin.) Catherine: A girl this beautiful wouldn't zip up this far. (BRASS leans in to look.) Catherine: She's not wearing any makeup. Sara: Maybe he cleaned her. Nick: Yeah, and then he used these rocks to cover her so that she wouldn't wash up in a storm the way the other girl did. Brass: What other girl? Catherine: We think there may be a connection to the Robyn Knight case from last year. Brass: Can we prove it? Catherine: Well, only skeletal remains were found. There's nothing definitive to connect Delhomme to the murder. Brass: Then we better make this one stick. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY (CATHERINE and BRASS interview HOWARD DELHOMME.) Brass: You lost your bargaining chip. We found her body. Howard Delhomme: (re: CATHERINE) And smart, too. Arthur Scott (lawyer): I advise you to remain silent. Catherine: Howard, just help us with one thing. How did this happen? Brass: You're pretty composed, Howard. I mean, you kill her. You go buy a shovel, a soda. It's thirsty work, digging a grave, huh? Howard Delhomme: That's not how it happened. Catherine: I understand. Photographer. Model. Had to get the light just right. Howard Delhomme: I'd like to photograph you. Catherine: Mmm ... can't do anything until we figure this out. Howard Delhomme: (sighs) It was an accident. I wanted to move the car ... and I didn't see her. (Quick flashback to: HOWARD DELHOMME carrying JULIE WATERS' lifeless body to the car and putting her in the back seat. Camera close up of a drop of blood falling onto the upholstery. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Why was she even there? Howard Delhomme: Miss Waters had modeled for my client on previous occasions. Catherine: Well, the problem I have with that is the dealer representative specifically stated that no model was hired to appear in the photos. Howard Delhomme: I was shooting ... new head shots for her. She was all out. It was a favor. I'm a professional. Ask any of my models. Catherine: So, you took photographs of Julie? Howard Delhomme: A couple of rolls. Catherine: Any idea where they are? Howard Delhomme: (thinking) Mmm ... no. Catherine: Well, if you remember, let me know. Howard Delhomme: (smiles) Okay. (CATHERINE smiles back.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (ROBBINS goes over the findings report with CATHERINE, the body between them.) Robbins: She has no injuries consistent with a car accident. Cause of death is, uh, positional asphyxia. (Quick flashback to: JULIE WATERS screaming and suffocating. HOWARD DELHOMME straddles her and chokes her. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Guy we're looking at was 180-plus. Robbins: Sufficient weight. Catherine: He must have hit her, which ripped her earring out. Robbins: Occurred antemortem. (Quick flashback to: DELHOMME hits JULIE across the face, ripping her earring out. She bleeds in her hands.) Robbins: (V.O.) Close to time of death. Only bleeding injury. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Was there any evidence of sexual assault? Robbins: Lots of trauma. Collected a kit. Catherine: Anything else? Robbins: Yeah, tox came back with a blood alcohol content of .18. Catherine: On the day of her dinner with the producers of Real Vegas Showgirls. She'd be like Dorothy racing for Oz. There's no way that she slowed down to get drunk. Robbins: Decomposing blood can generate ethanol postmortem. (Quick CGI POV: Camera zooms to JULIE'S chest, through the muscle, bones and into the blood. Camera focuses on the red blood cells that expand and expend a gas.) Robbins: (V.O.) As the cell walls lyse and contact with the sugar in alcohol, bacterial growth produces the byproducts of carbon dioxide and ethanol. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Robbins: It's inexact, but the body's capable of producing somewhere around .08 grams percent on its own. Catherine: But in order to have a postmortem level of .18 ... Robbins: Well, she had a head start. Catherine: So, that's three shots in an hour? He could have forced her to drink. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (CATHERINE and GRISSOM go over the photos.) Catherine: Robbins rushed the protocol. Released Julie's body to her parents. Grissom: So they could take her home to provo. Catherine: Mmm. Thousands of girls come to vegas every year just hoping to beat the odds. Grissom: Mmm, some of them do. Catherine: And some of them don't. (GRISSOM looks at a photo.) Grissom: Multiple abrasions on her cervix. Catherine: Sexual assault kit had no semen, no trace evidence. Grissom: So, it's possible he used a foreign object on her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (CATHERINE interviews HOWARD DELHOMME with his attorney present. BRASS watches from the OBSERVATION ROOM.) Catherine: Now I'm confused. Julie Waters died of positional asphyxia. That means that someone sat on her chest, and ... two years ago, you were arrested for forced oral cop. Howard Delhomme: You don't think I'd ever do something like that, do you? Arthur Scott (lawyer): My client went to trial and was found not guilty. Howard Delhomme: I liked Julie. I took a lot of photographs of her. Even Julie's mother said that no one captured her on film the way I did. Catherine: Just one more thing from the autopsy report. Julie was drinking. Howard Delhomme: She wanted to loosen up, you know? (Quick flashback to: At the photoshoot, JULIE flirts with the camera.) Julie Waters: (laughing) You got what you needed. Now, get what you want. Come on. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Howard Delhomme: She never said stop. Catherine: Why didn't you tell me this before? Howard Delhomme: I was afraid of what you'd think of me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY INTO LAB] [ON MONITOR] Arthur Scott (lawyer): (on tv) The Sheriff has tried my client in the media. But right now, evidence that will exonerate Howard Delhomme from these false charges is being handed over to the authorities. Receptionist: (o.s.) CSI Willows, you have a visitor at the front desk. Willows, you have a visitor ... [SCENE_BREAK] [FRONT DESK] James Delhomme: My brother sent this to me, and his attorney told me to give it to you. (He holds it out to her. She motions to the counter.) Catherine: Just set it on the counter. (to receptionist) Could you please get me a pair of gloves and an evidence bag? Receptionist: Sure. Catherine: Thanks. (CATHERINE looks at the package. It's addressed to: JAMES DELHOMME 14490 KILDARE RD. LAS VEGAS NV 89101 ) James Delhomme: I can show you what's in there. Catherine: Okay. (JAMES tilts the package and rolls of film roll out onto the counter.) Catherine: When did you get this? James Delhomme: Today. (She looks at the cancellation stamp. It's dated: NOV 10 2003.) Catherine: It was mailed two days ago. There's no return address. How do you know your brother sent this? James Delhomme: That's his handwriting. Catherine: Was there a note in the envelope? James Delhomme: Yeah. Uh ... (He takes the note out of his pocket and holds it out to her. She motions for him to put it on the counter.) (The note reads: IF I GET ARRESTED, USE THESE TO HELP ME.) Catherine: "If I get arrested." Now, why would he think that? (CATHERINE looks at JAMES. Camera holds on JAMES.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (CATHERINE and ARCHIE look through the film. They are pictures of JULIE'S photo shoot.) Archie Johnson: How are these supposed to help him beat a murder rap? (They look through the film.) Catherine: I'm guessing he's trying to create an alibi Archie Johnson: Four rolls, all of Julie. Catherine: Something's off, though. White shoes, black stockings, and all ripped up. Not to mention these aren't the clothes that we found her in. (Toward the end of a film roll, they find different photos.) Catherine: Now, what is this? Archie Johnson: It's a nude. Catherine: Is that Julie's body? Archie Johnson: If it is, it's double exposed. I'll have to get them printed to be sure. (SARA walks into the lab.) Sara: Cadet got a hit off a trash can. I brought it in. You want me to get Greg? Catherine: Archie, let me know when you've got these printed up. Archie Johnson: Yeah. (CATHERINE and SARA leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (CATHERINE and SARA go through the trash.) (SARA finds an envelope with head shots of JULIE WATERS.) Sara: There's a lot of head shots here. Catherine: Here's our little lie. Delhomme said that he took her out to photograph her because she had no more head shots. Needed new ones. (CATHERINE finds the make-up remover cloths.) Catherine: Explains how he cleaned her up. (Quick flashback to: [DESERT] DELHOMME wipes the make-up off of JULIE WATERS' face. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Doesn't explain why. Well, here's her day planner. (SARA looks through the Day Planner as CATHERINE takes out a bag from the trash.) Sara: Let's see, there's only two things written in her book the day she disappeared -- "Real Vegas Showgirl Producer's dinner 7:00 P.M.," And the other -- "Meet Howard, Dante's Pizza, 2:00 P.M." That would have given her plenty of time to get back for the producer's dinner. Catherine: Here's her clothes. (Inside the bag, they find several outfits.) Catherine: First thing you learn as a model -- bring several outfits with you. You never know what the photographer might like. (CATHERINE finds the black stockings with blood spots on it.) Catherine: Here's our big lie. Delhomme said when she injured her earlobe, she was in her underwear and she was barefoot. (CATHERINE shows SARA the blood on the stockings.) Sara: I think Howard's been lying to you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - LAB] (SARA stares at JULIE'S receipt. CATHERINE is dressed in shorts and prepares to put on the left black stocking.) Sara: $65? Catherine: Capital investment. Our victim hadn't made it to the show yet. Her life was all about after the show. The right guy, the right meal, and after that ... Sara: It's a tough way to get ahead. (SARA swabs and tests JULIE'S shoes.) Catherine: Did your father ever tell you you were pretty? Sara: (shrugs) I guess. Catherine: He ever tell you you were smart? Sara: Yeah. Catherine: So, it probably never occurred to you that you wouldn't be successful. If all you ever hear is that you're gorgeous, you can let everything else fall away, and it can leave you in a very dangerous place. Okay, the bloodstain on the top of the foot is round. Gravitational. On the bottom of the foot, it's smeared. Sara: There's no blood on these. She wasn't wearing them. Catherine: The only way we can get this guy is if the evidence counters every one of his lies. (CATHERINE takes a sample of the blood, holds it up to the area of her ear and releases a single drop to fall directly on the top of her foot.) (Camera zooms in as the blood drops and lands on her stocking.) Catherine: That matches the drop on the top of her stocking. Separate bloodstain. Separate drop. (She releases a second drop onto the covered floor, then steps on it. She lifts her foot to show SARA.) Sara: She was standing. (cc) Sara: That makes him a liar again. (Quick flashback to: [DESERT] JULIE WATERS backs away from HOWARD DELHOMME. She's clutching her bleeding ear, blood seeping through her fingers. A blood drops on her foot and another drop falls to the ground. JULIE steps on the blood. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: And there was none to help her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB] (ARCHIE goes over the photos with NICK.) Archie: This is from the fifth roll of film Delhomme took with your vic. Nick: What is that, double exposure? Archie: Yup. It's two separate images. Nick: Separate them? (ARCHIE separates the two images.) Nick: Do you have Catherine's crime scene photos of the car? Archie: Mm-hmm. Nick: Just give me the instrument panel and put it side-by-side with the double-exposed instrument panel. (ARCHIE finds the picture, CS#109.400.) Nick: Now just the speedometers. (Camera moves from the first photo of the speedometer with 142 km/h on it to the second photo with 99004 km on it.) Nick: Does that look like the same car to you? (ARCHIE shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (SARA and CATHERINE go through the photos.) Sara: She looks fine here. (SARA hands the photos to CATHERINE.) Sara: And here, it's like she's not quite sure what's going on. (CATHERINE looks at the photos.) Sara: Then here, uh ... Catherine: She knew. Sara: We have looked through every piece of evidence on this case. Whatever caused these abrasions is gone. Catherine: Well, it's got to be here. We found this guy in pieces, and putting himself together ever since. If we don't find something, he's going to walk out of here and forget about this like a bad dream. (NICK walks into the lab.) Nick: Hey, y'all. I got something on the double-exposed roll of film. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - CONTINUOUS] (NICK shows CATHERINE and SARA what he found.) Catherine: The odometers don't match. Nick: No, on the left is you. Crime scene photo from the Maserati. Sara: What about the other one? Nick: Well, it's unknown. Must have used a picture he already had for the double exposure. (Quick flashback to: HOWARD DELHOMME in his darkroom developing the photos. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Guys, if it's a different car, maybe it's a different girl. Catherine: What's on the rest of the double-exposed roll? Nick: A female body, naked. No face to go with an ID. Catherine: Archie, do you have the SART photos from the autopsy? Archie: Yeah. Catherine: We need to compare bodies. (ARCHIE pulls the SART photos on screen and starts to go through them. CATHERINE starts to get uncomfortable.) Catherine: Uh, why don't you guys take a break? (The guys stand up and leave.) Sara: Uh, it's okay. These photos don't bother me. Catherine: They bother me. (SARA gets the hint, doesn't like it, gets up and leaves.) (CATHERINE takes a seat in front of the monitor. She goes through the photos on screen.) (Various cuts of CATHERINE comparing the photos of the two bodies.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (CATHERINE walks into the lab. SARA'S already there.) Sara: Well? Catherine: The naked pictures weren't of Julie. Sara: So, what? Delhomme fakes a bunch of nude pictures and sends them to his brother? Catherine: At this point I don't care why he did it. What do you have? Sara: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. If he raped her with a foreign object, it is not on this table. (CATHERINE doesn't say anything.) Sara: Do you want me to leave you alone so you can do it yourself? Catherine: Look, the entire lab didn't need to see pictures of Julie's v*g1n* plastered all over the screen. Sara: So, Nick and I are the whole lab now? That's not it, Catherine, and you know it. Catherine: I saw the look in Howard's eye. I used to make my living off that look. He wanted me. We needed him. I decided to exploit that situation. And as angry as that made you, when you're in my shoes, you'll do the same thing. (CATHERINE opens the gun case.) Sara: I already checked that. (Quick flashback to: HOWARD DELHOMME, in the teaser, putting the barrel of his gun against his lips. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (CATHERINE stares at the empty case.) Catherine: We're looking at the wrong evidence. His initial arrest was for brandishing a firearm. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (CATHERINE gets the gum, removes the cartridge and swabs the tip of the barrel.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (CATHERINE heads for the interview room. She stands at the doorway and sees HOWARD DELHOMME looking at her. He's alone and confident.) (CATHERINE enters the room.) [INTERVIEW ROOM] (She walks in.) Howard Delhomme: I fired my lawyer. Catherine: We waiting on a new one? Howard Delhomme: No. (She puts the envelope on the table and takes a seat opposite HOWARD.) Catherine: Is that what you like? Being alone with a woman? (Quick flashback to: [DESERT] HOWARD and JULIE are alone in the desert at the photo shoot. JULIE'S laughing. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Howard Delhomme: A woman like you. Catherine: Take her out in the middle of nowhere. (Quick flashback to: [DESERT] JULIE starts to look worried.) Julie Waters: You know I think I got to go. (HOWARD continues to take pictures.) Julie Waters: Howard, it's getting late. I got to go. I have a meeting back in town. (HOWARD continues to take pictures.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Howard Delhomme: She posed naked for me. My brother gave you the pictures. I never forced her to do anything. Catherine: You slapped her. (Quick flashback to: [DESERT] HOWARD slaps JULIE across the face. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Then you violated her. (Quick flashback to: [DESERT] JULIE'S crying.) Julie Waters: No more pictures. HOWARD DELHOMME: No more pictures. (HOWARD takes out his gun.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Julie Waters' cervical tissue was on your gun sight. (HOWARD doesn't say anything.) Catherine: What's the matter? Couldn't swallow it when you saw her all over the TV? (HOWARD gets angry and pushes the table, lunging toward CATHERINE. The GUARD standing behind him, grabs him.) Howard Delhomme: God. You bitch. You ... bitch! (CATHERINE stares at HOWARD DELHOMME, her look cold and hard. HOWARD smirks at CATHERINE, finally showing his true self.) [SCENE_BREAK] [ON TELEVISION] (HOWARD DELHOMME is escorted to the car.) Paula Francis: Prosecutors will seek a life sentence without the possibility of parole for Howard Delhomme in the murder of Julie Waters. [INT. CSI - OFFICE - DAY] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE sit at the table watching the television.) Grissom: You did good, Cath. Catherine: I had help. Grissom: How are things with you and Nick and Sara? Catherine: They're good. They're pros. Paula Francis: This case has been one of the most high-profiled in this reporter's memory. Never before have I seen ... Catherine: All he had to do was stay quiet. Grissom: Unlike Robyn Knight, Julie Waters became Las Vegas' postmortem sweetheart. The media as moral conscience. Catherine: She couldn't get away from him and he couldn't get away from her. (Camera pushes in slowly toward the television screen which is now showing JULIE WATERS' interview.) Julie Waters: (smiling and animated) I think that is why I would be perfect for your show. Well, at least, that's what my dad thinks. He always says, "Julie, people can't help but love you." FADE TO BLACK Julie Waters: (V.O.) And it's true.
Plan: A: attention; Q: What is the missing model the center of for the Las Vegas media? A: a showgirl; Q: What did the missing model want to become? A: a strange 911 call; Q: What clues did Catherine use to take over the case? A: 911; Q: What type of call does Catherine think she has found the man responsible for the missing model? A: Catherine; Q: Who takes over the case from Sara and Nick? A: a promotion; Q: What did Nick and Sara hope to get from the high profile case? Summary: The center of attention for the Las Vegas media is a missing model who aspired to become a showgirl. When a strange 911 call comes in, Catherine is sure she has found the man responsible and takes over the case from Sara and Nick, who both hoped they could use this high profile case to get a promotion.
"Judas on a Pole" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Open - roof of a hotel) (A man is shot dead on the rooftop of a hotel. The shooter, in a hood, straps the victim to a cross, guts him, and then lights him on fire. The shooter leaves him to burn.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Jeffersonian - conference room - Zack is in front of a panel - made up of 5 people including Dr. Temperance Brennan, Professor William Grayson and Professor Constance Wright)) PROFESSOR WILLIAM GRAYSON: Mr. Addy. Your dissertation is entitled "Analysis of Bone Trauma" ZACK: When viewed in cross section, the pressure force excerpted by the weapon can be assessed. PROFESSOR CONSTANCE WRIGHT: Obtaining the cross section, will compromise the original bone. ZACK: My technique preserves bone surface morphology, through the use of polyvinyl replication. A transparent positive is made by covering the impression with an aqueous solution of synthetic polymer. (Booth barges in the room and heads towards Brennan) BOOTH: Hey, Bones. Come'on. We've got a body, went up like a roman candle. Hey, Zack! How's it going? ZACK: So far, they don't like me. BOOTH: Shocker. Come'on. Let's go. ( he pulls her out of her chair) BRENNAN: What? I'm in the middle of something... BOOTH: Well, ya know, real life murder and mutilation versus academic clap trap, no contest. (to Prof. Wright) I'm sorry, no offence. WRIGHT: This committee can carry on without you, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: Zack, just answer the questions. BOOTH: Yeah. (Booth drags her out of the room and down the hall, as the review continues) ZACK: Next question? WRIGHT: How do you expect anyone to take you seriously as a working Forensic Anthropologist when you look - the way you do? ZACK: (looks confused) What? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Roof of the motel - FBI is at the crime scene along with Booth and Brennan) BRENNAN: Male. Middle - aged. BOOTH: What was with Zack back there. BRENNAN: Defending his dissertation, last step before he gets his Doctorate. (picks up intestines) I think these are what's left of his intestines. BOOTH: Is he gonna make it? BRENNAN: No. He's very dead. (she laughs at her own joke) BOOTH: I mean Zack. BRENNAN: Uhh. 50/50. BOOTH: He's a stoolie. BRENNAN: Zack? BOOTH: Our victim. Ya know, he's a rat. Snitch. BRENNAN: What makes you say that. BOOTH: His guts got spilled. Alright, Spill your guts. BRENNAN: Very literal. BOOTH: Yeah. Hang up there like a scarecrow on a rooftop of a hotel used to house witnesses, it's a warning. BRENNAN: Oh look. There's something jammed down his trachea. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - Platform) ZACK: I rectified their erroneous assumptions concerning polyvinyl replication. HODGINS: You corrected them? ZACK: Only when they were wrong. (Hodgins laughs) Are the remains ready for x-ray? CAM: Yes. Maybe we'll get lucky and ID the poor b*st*rd that way. HODGINS: Oh, we just got lucky. (shows them a piece of paper with writing on it) ZACK: (reads) "My name is Garrett Delaney" CAM: (looking in the mouth) There's something metallic here. (she pulls out a coin and places it in a dish) This is going to turn out to be some freaky, weird ritualistic thing, isn't it? HODGINS: Oh man, I hope so. ZACK: (looking at the coin) Christopher Colombus. CAM: Where's Dr. Brennan? ZACK: Her brother came for a visit. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Brennan's Office) BRENNAN: Dad called you? You sure it was him. RUSS: He said "You and your sister are in danger" and he hung up. BRENNAN: I spend half my time with a sniper-trained FBI Agent. I feel safe. RUSS: Tempe. I know someone is watching me. BRENNAN: What's your evidence? RUSS: I can feel it on the back of my neck. You spend some time in jail, you develop a sixth sense. BRENNAN: Maybe you should stay with me for a few days. RUSS: No, Tempe. I have work and Ihave , I have Amy and the girls.. BRENNAN: What about your sixth sense? RUSS: Hey! BRENNAN: (laughing) What? RUSS: You can't not believe in something one second and then use it against me in the next. BRENNAN: It's a long drive. You can start fresh tomorrow and I've got (she hold out her keys to him) cold beer in the fridge. (Booth enters) BOOTH: No, Don't drink the Moroccan Beer, it tastes like earwax...how you doing, Russ. RUSS: Okay Booth. (they shake hands) You? Good. BOOTH: Yeah. RUSS: Good. (Brennan tosses Russ her keys, and he leaves) BOOTH: I still make him nervous, don't I? Come'on, let's go. (He goes to pull her out of her chair) BRENNAN: Wha..What? Why do I always feel like you're abducting me! [SCENE_BREAK] (cut to: Booth's car) BOOTH: Yeah, it turns out our corpse is a former FBI Agent. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Garrett Delaney's Apartment - Brennan & Booth are looking around the apartment) BOOTH: Garrett Delaney left the FBI about, uh, 15 years ago. He's now head of security of some big K Street lobbyist. BRENNAN: So why did he end up a human torch? BOOTH: That's what we're here to find out. BRENNAN: His place is much better than yours. Ten times better. BOOTH: I told you, he left public service. He makes, uh, more money that I. So that's all your dad said, huh, "You're in danger" BRENNAN: Yes (Brennan is trying to open a locked door using a credit card) and Russ's sixth sense agrees. BOOTH: (sees that Brennan is trying to open the door - he smiles) What are ya doin'? BRENNAN: I've been practicing some of the black ops stuff you taught me. BOOTH: (he walks towards her) Let me show ya (he laughs) BRENNAN: Every FBI Agent in the country is looking for my father, maybe he's trying to scare us off. BOOTH: Six months without a break in the case, he ain't gonna be nervous...let me show ya... BRENNAN: Ya know. My dad's a career criminal. Just because he says Russ is in danger, doesn't mean it's the truth. BOOTH: (takes the credit card of of Brennan's hand) Let me show you how it's done, okay...(he kicks the door open) (They enter the room to find a wall full of surveillance photos of Russ) BOOTH: Oh. He might have gotten it right this time. BRENNAN: Russ. These are all pictures of Russ. [SCENE_BREAK] (Opening Credits) [SCENE_BREAK] ACT I (Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Conference Room - Brennan, Booth & Russ) RUSS: Me at work. Me and Amy. This is the day before yesterday. Dad was right. Someone's watching. BOOTH: This is worse than watching. BRENNAN: What do you mean? BOOTH: This is hunting. RUSS: Hunting. BOOTH: As in kill. You see these (points to pictures) right here. These are ranges. He's picking out a spot from which to shoot at you. RUSS: So what do I do now? BRENNAN: The hunter's dead. The hunt is over, right? BOOTH: Anyone else know you're here? RUSS: Only Amy. BOOTH: Great. You call Amy and tell her if anyone calls looking for you, she doesn't know where you're at. BRENNAN: You should stay with me until we find out why Delaney intended to kill you. RUSS: How are you going to do that? BOOTH: By figuring out who killed him. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - Angela's Office) ANGELA: This is the paper that was pulled from Delaney's throat. It was dated, signed and initialed on both sides of the page. February 1978. HODGINS: It looks like a cop's notebook. ANGELA: That makes sense, except (she reads from the scans) "I will not put an innocent man in prison just because he is a political threat. Marvin Beckett hasn't broken any law." HODGINS: Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Marvin Beckett? Back in the 60's, Marvin Beckett was a civil rights activist. He made his bones protesting African American over-representation in the Vietnam war. '78 he was sent to prison for life. ANGELA: Why? HODGINS: He killed an FBI Agent named Gus Harper. ANGELA: Wait. Augustus Harper? HODGINS: Yeah. You know the case? ANGELA: August Harp (she reads off the paper) Look. Augustus Harper. HODGINS: Oh wow. This means Delaney's murder has something to do with Marvin Beckett going to prison. Oh, when you're good, you're very, very good. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - Hallway) HODGINS: 1970's. Ohio. There's a task force made up of FBI, state police and local cops. It goes bad. Starts taking a cut from the same bank robbers they're supposed to be catching. Well, then they conspire to plant a stack of stolen money on Marvin Beckett. Well, then this young Agent, right, Harper, okay. He decides he can't live with that and decides to blow the whistle. (As Hodgins explains he keeps pointing at the papers, while Booth continuously swats his hand away) BOOTH: I can read. HODGINS: The same guy who was gonna blow the whistle on them for framing Marvin Beckett, then gets murdered by Marvin Beckett? Come on. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. BOOTH: Great. Who else knows about this? HODGINS: Us and you. That's it. BOOTH: Let's keep it that way. HODGINS: I've seen this movie. I get killed on the way home. BOOTH: Then don't go home. HODGINS: You serious? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - Conference room - Brennan, Booth & Barbara Harper) BARBARA HARPER: 30 years ago, I was married to Gus Harper for exactly 8months. I'm not sure I can help you. BOOTH: What about the contents of the note? BARBARA: What do you people want? BRENNAN: The truth. BARBARA: The last time the FBI came to talk to me, they told me to keep my mouth shut or 'you won't get your husband's death benefits' BOOTH: You're husband's a good man, and he tried to do the right thing and he ended up dead. I can't let that stand. BARBARA: The FBI murdered Gus. Then they had a state funeral for him, complete with the grieving widow as the centerpiece. BRENNAN: (shows Barbara a page from the notebook) Is this your husbands handwriting? BARBARA: Yes. He was compiling evidence. BOOTH: And there's more? BARBARA: There was a diary, a dozen audio tapes, field notes... BOOTH: Where did Gus keep it? BARBARA: Safety deposit box. BOOTH: Can you tell us where that uh, safety deposit box was? BARBARA: Ohio First Savings and Loan in Dayton. (Brennan and Booth exchange glances - they both have a realization and Brennan leaves the room - Booth goes to follow her) BOOTH: (to Barbara) Excuse me one moment. (he follows Brennan outside the conference room) BRENNAN: My parents robbed that exact bank just days after Gus Harper was killed. They were looking for that evidence. That has to be why Delaney was stalking Russ. BOOTH: Go home. I have a few more questions for Barbara Harper, Okay. You go home and you be with your brother, alright? BRENNAN: Okay. (to self) Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - Zack's Office) ANGELA: (shows a photograph to Zack) You think it's Delaney? ZACK: Definitely. I hope to keep working here when I receive my Doctorate. ANGELA: We'd all like that. ZACK: What did she mean when she said "How do you expect anyone to take you seriously?" ANGELA: It's a comment on - your deportment. ZACK: Dr. Brennan doesn't care about deportment... ANGELA: That's true, but if you work here, you won't be Brennan's grad student anymore. You'll be a full blown Forensic Anthropologist. Cam, will be your boss. ZACK: In your opinion, does deportment matter to Cam? ANGELA: Let's just say that Cam's not the kind of woman you catch with crusties in the corner of her eye. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Brennan's apartment) RUSS: (holding photographs of two young girls) Hayley's 6 and Emma's 8. (Brennan doesn't seem to be paying much attention) RUSS: Tempe. BRENNAN: I'm sorry. Preoccupied. RUSS: If I play my cards right, these little girls are gonna be your nieces in the next couple of months, the least you can do is memorize their names. (Brennan picks up the pictures and looks at them) BRENNAN: They're cute. RUSS: Hayley has lung trouble. They're trying to figure it out. You ever deal with an HMO? BRENNAN: If it's money, Russ, I can help. RUSS: No. Forget it. If I'm gonna become these little girls daddy, I gotta man up for the job. (There's a knock at the door - Brennan gets up to get it) BRENNAN: That's not rational. RUSS: I'm a good mechanic. I'll take care of my own. (Brennan opens the door and in walks Booth) BOOTH: (holding file folders) Gus Harper's - service history. 'kay. Graduated top half of his class at Quantico. He was assigned the joint State/Federal Bank Robbery Task Force. Right there. BRENNAN: The victim. BOOTH: Back when he was Special Agent Delaney, supervising Gus Harper. RUSS: The guy that was hunting me. BOOTH: That's right. Okay, here's a list of the bank robber's with their FBI code names. (he hands a list to Brennan) BRENNAN: Dad's code name was Columbus. BOOTH: (throws down a picture after each name) You got Lewis, Clark, Magellan, Cook, Columbus. BRENNAN: All named after explorers. RUSS: (points to 2 photos) That's Mom and Dad. BOOTH: Everyone of these people are deceased... BRENNAN: Except for Dad. BOOTH: Delaney was killed (holds up coin) to send a message to the FBI. This Columbus coin was found in the victim's mouth. BRENNAN: Columbus - shot a man in the head, hung him from a pole, gutted him and set him on fire. And Columbus - is our father. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT II (Cut to - Brennan's apartment) RUSS: Dad had it under control. I mean, for 15 years, everything was fine - until.. BRENNAN: Until what? RUSS: Dad left you a message, he said stop looking. You didn't. BRENNAN: Uh. So this is my fault? RUSS: Well, consequences aren't the same as fault. My parole officer if very philosophical. BRENNAN: Well, all we have is a voice tape of Dad saying "Back Off" and a little silver dolphin that I found at Mom's grave. That's as far as the investigation has gone. RUSS: According to Booth. BRENNAN: What? Booth and I are partners. RUSS: Tempe. He's FBI. You aren't. You're the daughter of a career criminal and the sister of a loser on parole. BRENNAN: What? I wouldn't let anyone else call you a loser, Russ. What makes you think you're allowed? RUSS: I love you too. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Royal Diner - AUSA Caroline Julian and Booth) CAROLINE JULIA: What you're asking is the kinda thing that destroys careers. From the time I was a little girl, I dreamed of putting bad men in jail (Booth steals a donut hole) Put that back - which is why I became an Assistant United States Attorney. BOOTH: Okay, look, you don't have to help me.. CAROLINE: Of course I have to help you. Marvin Beckett is still a hero to a lot of African Americans. Some of us never believed he killed this FBI boy. Now you buy me breakfast, tell me you found a way to clear his name, release him out of wrongful incarceration after 30 years? I can not walk away - which you already know. BOOTH: Maybe you should have some more coffee.. CAROLINE: Of course I want more coffee. We have to come up with our plan of attack. BOOTH: Okay, Well I was thinking Judge Moran.. CAROLINE: We should exhume Gus Harper. See if your genius, scientist partner, can ascertain whether he died in the manner the FBI said he died 30 years ago. BOOTH: Moran's got a long.... CAROLINE: No. We want Kemper. BOOTH: Hang 'em high, Kemper? CAROLINE: Hey. I'm ruining my career, I'm doing it my way. Understand? Now. Take a donut hole. I'm offering. BOOTH: (takes a donut hole) Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - Platform) ZACK: (holding up a bullet) This was lodged in Garret Delaney's sinus cavity BRENNAN: .22 caliber. ZACK: These dimples - indicate that the bullet ricocheted around inside the cranium. BRENNAN: You worried about your Doctorate? ZACK: No. Dr. Grayson touched me with an open hand on the shoulder. BRENNAN: You mean inappropriately? ZACK: No. I read a book on body language. Apparently, in our culture when an older male lays an open hand on a younger male, it conveys approval but if he bumps younger male with a closed fist - it conveys doubt. Dr. Grayson, went like this (he demonstrates by tapping Brennan on the shoulder 3 times with an open hand), not like this (he lightly taps Brennan on the shoulder 3 times with a closed fist). Like this (he repeated the open handed tapping). Not like this ( he repeats the tapping with a closed fist). BRENNAN: Dr. Grayson is elderly and arthritic, perhaps he simply needed help getting to his feet like this (she pushes down on Zack's shoulder 3 times with an open hand - demonstrating someone getting up) SECURITY GUARD: Dr. Brennan? Visitors in your office. (Brennan turns back to Zack and lays an open hand on his shoulder and taps him three times) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - Outside Brennan's Office) RUSS: Tempe. This is a friend of dad's. Father Coulter. It's Toby Coulter. Train tressel guy. BRENNAN: Ah, yeah. I remember that story, when dad and his friend accidentally blew up a train tressel. BOOTH: Come on. How do you "accidentally" blow up a train tressel? FATHER TOBY COULTER: Well, we were hired by a farmer to dynamite the ice off a stock pond. Anyway, we get this competition going - who's gonna slide the dynamite farther across the ice before it blows. BOOTH: You know it's a Federal offense to blow up a train tressel, Father, even if it is accidental. BRENNAN: Father Toby Coulter. Meet my partner, Seeley Booth. RUSS: Careful, he's FBI. FATHER COULTER: Well, I'm innocent. It was Max's toss that, uh, brought the tressel down. BOOTH: Max Keenan's best friend grows up to be a priest. FATHER COULTER: I'm sure your people have that fact on file somewhere. RUSS: Tempe, Father Coulter has a message from Dad. FATHER COULTER: It's a private message. BRENNAN: Come to my office. (They all follow her in - Father Coulter tries to close the door on Booth) RUSS: She's just gonna tell Agent Booth anyway, might as well let him listen. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - Inside Brennan's Office) FATHER COULTER: "Back off." That's the message. He'd said you'd understand. BOOTH: We'd you see him? FATHER COULTER: In confession. BRENNAN: We're not Catholic. BOOTH: Well, the sanctity of confession is extended to all. Um, did he ever call you on your cell phone, Father? FATHER COULTER: Two days ago. BOOTH: Can I see your phone? FATHER COULTER: You wanna trace the call? BOOTH: Yeah. (he takes the phone and writes down a number) So uh, Max Keenan. He, uh, come to you for absolution? FATHER COULTER: Well, I'm sure you know the requirements for confession. BOOTH: Contrition and intent - not to repeat the sin. FATHER COULTER: Max doesn't have either and as a Priest, I failed him. I was never able to get him to walk the straight and narrow. BRENNAN: Is there anything else you can tell us? FATHER COULTER: Well, he was angry. Felt his hand had been forced. BRENNAN: Where can we reach you, Father? RUSS: Father Coulter is staying at the St. Augustine's Seminary for the next few days before heading back to Ohio. BOOTH: (he hands back the phone) Here Father. FATHER COULTER: (to Brennan) Your father loves you. BRENNAN: Is that part of Dad's message? FATHER COULTER: That's a personal observation. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - FBI Headquarters - Booth's Office) BOOTH: Delaney's murder, the threats on Russ's life - this is all happening now because of a little metal dolphin we found on your Mother's grave. FBI field unit in Denver, traced it to a local artist in Mead, Colorado. BRENNAN: ...who identified Dad as the buyer. But Delaney left the FBI, 15 years ago. BOOTH: And somebody told him about your Dad.. BRENNAN: And didn't tell you? BOOTH: They're part of the conspiracy. BRENNAN: You must be annoyed. BOOTH: Yeah. Ya know what? I am. And I don't like finding out there's a dirty FBI Agent in this building. (he closes the door to his office) Here's what I think happened. Delaney goes to your Father, he asks him to hand over the evidence. He doesn't do it, he kills you or Russ. BRENNAN: Dad calls Russ to warn him...and then..kills Delaney. BOOTH: Guts him, burns him. Leaves a calling card. "Don't mess with Max Keenan's kids" BRENNAN: Am I supposed to like that? BOOTH: Ya know, Bones. I'll take a stand up crook over a crooked cop anyday of the week. CAROLINE: Booth. I got us a meet with the judge, let's go. And you (points to Brennan) better get back to your lab, in case we're successful. BOOTH: Ya know. I find it best to do what she says. BRENNAN: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Judges Chambers of Judge Theodore Kemper) JUDGE TED KEMPER: You want to exhume the young FBI Agent that Marvin Beckett murdered? CAROLINE: That's correct, Your Honor. KEMPER: That is a big, noisy mess in the making. BOOTH: Uh, The FBI has credible evidence that the homicide case against Marvin Beckett was uh, manufactured. (door opens and in walks Asst. U.S. Attorney Dan Burridge) ASA DAN BURRIDGE: Assistant United States Attorney, Dan Burridge, arguing against this writ, Judge Kemper. KEMPER: on...on..on behalf of... BURRIDGE: The FBI. KEMPER: (pointing to Booth) I thought you were FBI. BOOTH: I am, Your Honor. KEMPER: I told ya. A big, noisy, mess. Alright, let's hear your argument, Mr. Burridge. BURRIDGE: This is a precipitate exhumation in a highly inflammatory case. The evidence to which Miss Julian alludes, has not been authenticated. BOOTH: It's been authenticated by the Jeffersonian Institution. BURRIDGE: The FBI would like to do their own, in house analysis before proceeding. CAROLINE: Of course they would. They're the ones that did the framin' 30 years ago. BURRIDGE: I take exception to that. CAROLINE: Why? You weren't even born 30 years ago. BURRIDGE: Judge.. CAROLINE: Not like me and Judge Kemper who got to see first hand what Marvin Beckett was really like. KEMPER: Ms. Julian, did you bring this to me because I knew Marvin Beckett personally? CAROLINE: Did you? I - I wasn't aware of that, Your Honor. We're you aware of that Agent Booth? ( He shakes his head no) BURRIDGE: We'd like to do this slowly and carefully, Judge. That's all. CAROLINE: And we want to exhume Gus Harper, so we can make sure he was murdered in exactly the way the damn FBI said he was murdered. Your Honor. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab) (As the voice over is happening, we see a casket being wheeled through the doors of the Medico Legal Lab and into the Autopsy Room - The casket is then opened to reveal the body of Augustus Harper) CAM (v.o): As mandated by the Writ of Exhumation by Judge Theodore Kemper of the D.C. Federal Judicial District - I, Dr. Camille Saroyan, will be performing an autopsy of Special Agent Augustus Donald Harper under the auspices of the Jeffersonian Institution. Date of Death - June 25, 1978. Date of Internment - July 2, 1978. Date of exhumation - that would be today. Also present at the post exhumation autopsy is Dr. Temperance Brennan. The original autopsy, in 1978, found that Agent Harper was killed when he was shot 3 times, at close range by a .38 colt, detective special revolver. CAM: (examining the body) 2 shots to the chest. One piercing the heart, the other the left lung. The third, a shot to the frontal bone.. (Cam pauses) BRENNAN: What? CAM: That bullet hole in the head, that's from a .38... BRENNAN: Just like the corner said. CAM: I can already tell. These two holes (sticking her finger in the ones in the heart and the lung) are from something a whole lot bigger than a snubbed nosed revolver. Something more like a rifle that a sniper would use. BRENNAN: Zack, you better get a full set of x-rays before Dr. Saroyan re-opens. CAM: We're gonna conduct this one, like the whole world is watching. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Royal Diner- Russ approaches Booth, who is already seated at a table) BOOTH: Russ. RUSS: Okay. I'm here. What's up? BOOTH: You know, you're an idiot, Russ. I like you but - you're a real idiot. RUSS: What'd I do? BOOTH: I got a call from your parole officer today. RUSS: Why? BOOTH: Why? Because you crossed state lines without informing him. I just told him you were aiding in an FBI investigation. RUSS: Thanks. BOOTH: You're slipping, aren't ya? RUSS: Look. I wanna marry Amy and raise her kids. One of them is sick, that costs money. I'm a felon on parole, I work part-time as a mechanic. You tell me what job am I gonna get that lets me be the man I need to be to raise a family. BOOTH: You got this sick little girl depending on you, I get that. But you go back inside and you cross that line, you're not helping anyone out- (A shot is fired through the window of the dinerBooth and Russ fall to the ground.) BOOTH: Everybody down! (Russ put his hand against his neck, it's been grazed but Booth is unharmed.) [SCENE_BREAK] ACT III (Cut to - FBI Headquarters- Booth's Office) TV VOICEOVER: Civil rights activist and convicted murderer, Marvin Beckett, when a second autopsy on his alleged victim, FBI Agent Gus Harper, revealed inconsistencies with Mr. Beckett's trial back in 1979. FATHER COULTER: What kind of inconsistencies? BOOTH: Well, you have your confidences to keep, Father. I have mine. BRENNAN: It's over right? Now that it's out, there's no reason to kill Russ BOOTH: Ah, ya know. The men behind this don't care about Marvin Beckett, they care about being exposed. BRENNAN: Lucky you were together. Why were you together? BOOTH: Oh, ya know. A man's gotta eat. FATHER COULTER: To think that ah, some people still refuse to believe in guardian angels. (Brennan watches as Father Coulter taps Russ's shoulder with an open palm. While Deputy Director Kirby stands near the doorway) KIRBY: Booth! (He signals with a pointed finger for Booth to join him and Booth stands immediately, looking flustered and nervous - they all turn to look at Kirby as he leaves.) RUSS: Who's that? BOOTH: Deputy Director Kirby. My boss's boss's boss. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - FBI Headquarters- Kirby's Office) KIRBY: You're what's known as a real pain in the ass, Agent Booth. BOOTH: Yes, sir. KIRBY: I just had my testicles handed to me by the Attorney General of the United States of America. He wanted to know why this Marvin Beckett issue wasn't done slowly and carefully with greater forethought and tact. You know what I told him? BOOTH: No, sir. KIRBY: I told him, I did not know. BOOTH: Sir, I had to do it the way I did it because the FBI is - KIRBY: Not. Your. Decision, Booth. You're suspended without pay. Gun, ID, Security card, please. BOOTH: Sir, I'm entitled to the reading of the charges against me. KIRBY: The charges - against you - is that I was pissed upon from a very great height. You're outta here in ten minutes. (Booth takes his gun and badge and lays it on Kirby's desk) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - catwalk meeting area.) BRENNAN: Can they do that? Just kick you out without any warning? BOOTH: Well, the two guys standing behind me, with the guns, seemed to think so. ZACK: As you can see, Harper's ribs and sternum were practically obliterated by the two shots to his torso. ANGELA: Zack, Booth got fired. BRENNAN: Suspended, not fired. CAM: Suspended's FBI speak for fired. BOOTH: Ah. You know what hurts the most? They took the car. Got no wheels. ZACK: The bullets themselves, removed from the body - of course, but Hodgins found some very small fragments- HODGINS: Copper, lead, polymer. This is a conspiracy, baby. CAM: Guys. What we're dealing with here is that - Booth - won't be working with us anymore. BOOTH: Well, I got my own gun, it's just - god, why did they have to take the company car.... ZACK: I assume the only way Booth can get his car back, would be to solve the case on his own and that we'd help. BOOTH: Oh, no. No, no. I can't let you guys do that. BRENNAN: Anyone that wants to help Booth, raise their hands. (Brennan raises her hand followed by everyone else. At this, Booth smiles.) ZACK: Alright. I reversed engineered to find the most likely design of the bullets. After the bullet spread, lead pellets were released - like buckshot. BOOTH: Wait a second. That's a home made round invented back in the '70's HODGINS: We're talking a military-issues, M40A1 sniper rifle. BOOTH: Nice. HODGINS: Dude. What you call being a 'conspiracy theorist', I call being well informed. ANGELA: Wait. Gus Harper was murdered by a military sniper? BOOTH: Who makes his own rounds. BRENNAN: Maybe we can compare it to the bullet that grazed Russ? BOOTH: I'm a civilian. We don't have access to that round. Maybe Caroline can help us. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Street - Caroline's Car) BOOTH (on phone): You still have a job? CAROLINE (into phone): Not for long I'm on performance review. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - hallway) BOOTH: Well, look. None of the bank robber on the FBI robbery task force has sniper training in the '70's. I need to know who else was on that task force. Local - BRENNAN ( running down the hallway): Booth. BOOTH: State cops- BRENNAN: Booth! BOOTH: ATF- BRENNAN: Booth! I got it figured out. BOOTH: and if any of them had sniper training. Once you find out, you keep your head down. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Street - Caroline's Car) CAROLINE: Task force, sniper training, 70's, duck. Got it. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - hallway) BRENNAN: I figured out a way to solve the case and get your job back. BOOTH: Wow. That would be great. BRENNAN: We need my father to give us the rest of the evidence he stole from that safety deposit box. BOOTH: Great- BRENNAN: (grabbing him by the arm) I'll drive. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab - catwalk meeting area.) ZACK: Dr. Saroyan? When I get my Doctorate...I'd like to work - here. CAM: Zack, you're an excellent scientist, but an important part of the job is appearing as an expert witness in court. ANGELA: Ooh. ZACK: Ooh, what? CAM: Jurors have to take you seriously and frankly, you look like a weekend fill-in at a college radio station. HODGINS: Truth hurts, dude. Learn from it and grow. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to -St. Augustine's Seminary - outdoors) FATHER COULTER: You weren't able to find Max by tracing him through the cell phone call he made to me? BOOTH: Call came over the internet. It was untraceable. FATHER COULTER: Well, Max, always uh, did things his way. BOOTH: Guess you being a priest didn't have much of an effect on him. FATHER COULTER: Son, I spent my whole life trying to turn Max's life to Jesus. He knows exactly one bible verse. Numbers 35:19. BOOTH: "The revenger of blood himself shall slay the murderer. When he meteth him, he shall slay him". BRENNAN: What's that mean? BOOTH: That's the Law of the Jungle. BRENNAN: Father Coulter, if my father makes contact with you again, please tell him he needs to trust me. His way got my mother murdered and almost got Russ killed. It's time he tried my way. FATHER COULTER: He won't contact me again. BRENNAN: Well, how do you know? FATHER COULTER: Ask him. He put me under surveillance. BOOTH: If a parish priest can figure out the FBI is watching him, then so can an experienced fugitive like your father. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab -Angela's Office) ZACK: I need a makeover. ANGELA: Zack. I am a big believer in people being themselves. You're actually kinda cute.. ZACK: Yes, I've been told that many times usually followed by the word but and in this case "but no one takes you seriously. I need help, Angela. So what do I do first? (Angela circles him, checking him out to try to figure out what he can change) ANGELA: Lost the floppy hair. (Zack groans) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab -Brennan's Office) BOOTH: Why are ya mad at me? BRENNAN: (sighs) I need a gun. BOOTH: No, you don't. You got me. I'm your gun. You want equipment, here (he hold up handcuffs and puts them on the table) have these, alright. New division of labor. I shoot 'em, you cuff 'em. BRENNAN: Why didn't you tell me you had Father Coulter under surveillance? BOOTH: It is my job to find your dad and put him in prision. BRENNAN: And you don't think I'll help? BOOTH: What? He's your father. I really don't think I should have to ask you to help. BRENNAN: He abandoned me, Booth. And that's the best thing you can say about him. BOOTH: Your father lives by a certain code, and part of that code is defending his family by whatever means necessary. BRENNAN: You mean killing people and setting their corpses on fire. BOOTH: Any means necessary sorta covers that. BRENNAN: You respect him? BOOTH: I'm just saying, in his world, he's a very honorable man. BRENNAN: That's ridiculous. There's only one world; it's this one. BOOTH: Would that be the one world where you're mad at me for trying to catch your father or the other world where you actually want him caught? BRENNAN: Neither. BOOTH: Well, you have to pick one. BRENNAN: Either. BOOTH: Oh, mhmm. BRENNAN: Both. CAROLINE: Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth. I thought you'd like to meet the reason we're all losing our jobs and gettin' shot at. This is Mr. Marvin Beckett. MARVIN BECKETT: I wanted to thank you, personally. BRENNAN: You're welcome, Mr. Beckett. BECKETT: Thirty years ago, crooked Agents put me in jail for something I did not do. I did not kill the young FBI Agent. I did not steal the money and I thank you for proving it to the world. That's why I'm here, to tell you to your face, to assure you I did not do those things. You free'd an innocent man and in return, I must warn you. The people that did this to me aren't just a bunch of corrupt cops. They server masters of MUCH greater influence. You're looking to bring their world down around their ears. They will strike at you. Watch yourselves. CAROLINE: Here's your list of snipers from the decade of disco. This time, I'm advising you - Duck. BRENNAN: Anyone you know? BOOTH: Yeah. The ATF ref on the task force was a marine sniper, Robert Kirby. BRENNAN: FBI Deputy Director, Robert Kirby? That just suspended you? BOOTH: Call your brother, tell him to get out of the house. Tell him to get out, now. BRENNAN: (picks up the phone to call Russ) Why? What's going on? BOOTH: Seconds after Caroline got this list, Kirby knew about it. BRENNAN: He's not answering. I don't understand, Booth. BOOTH: It's not us that Kirby is afraid of, it's your father. The only way to strike at him, is to go through you or Russ. Kirby was the one that took a shot at Russ. BRENNAN: No answer. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Brennan's Apartment - Booth & Brennan kick the door in and enter) BOOTH: Russ. BRENNAN: Hello. BOOTH: All right, just stay back. BRENNAN: Russ? BOOTH: There's no sign of a break-in. I'll check the back. Russ! BRENNAN: Russ? (at that moment, Brennan sees a pool of blood on the floor in front of her) Oh, my god. Booth? BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: Russ. BOOTH: Alright, just take it easy. Alright, we don't know that for sure. BRENNAN: That's too much blood. Nobody could survive tha- that much blood loss. Nobody. BOOTH: (Brennan falls into him - holding him tight.) Alright. Okay. It's alright. BRENNAN: Oh my god. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to -Interior - Brennan's car) BRENNAN: It's against the law...us not calling in a murder. BOOTH: It wasn't a murder. It was a bloodstain. BRENNAN: That much blood...it's mur-it's murder. BOOTH: We call it in, the next thing is - we find ourselves under arrest. BRENNAN: That had to be Russ's blood. BOOTH: You got a sample, right? We'll check the DNA at the lab. Until then, hey - who's the one that always says 'don't jump to conclusions'? BRENNAN: Yeah, you're right. Thanks. I wish you wouldn't keep letting me hug you when I get scared. BOOTH: Hey, I get scared and I'll hug you. We'll call it even. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT IV (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab -Outside Autopsy Room) BOOTH: Results. CAM: The blood's not Russ's. BOOTH: See, even you can't do a DNA test that fast. CAM: Didn't have to. Both Brennan and her brother are O type blood, as was their mother. The blood sample you brought me, was AB - therefore... BOOTH: 'kay, let's go tell Bones. CAM: I just saw her. She's on the way to see the priest. BOOTH: Why? CAM: He said he had something for her. BOOTH: No, she can't be going places without me. Not when it's open season on Brennan's. (his phone rings) BOOTH: (answering): Bones. CAROLINE (on phone): Not even close, Cherie. We need to talk. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to -St. Augustine's Seminary - courtyard) FATHER COULTER: Well, first, I want to tell you that your brother, is uh, with his father. BRENNAN: You mean....with God? FATHER COULTER: No, his earthly father. Your father. BRENNAN: Are you certain? FATHER COULTER: Saw it with my own eyes. BRENNAN: Oh, thank god - which I use only as a figure of speech. FATHER COULTER: Well, I mean, you have to start somewhere. You know, you're - you're very much like him. BRENNAN: I'm - nothing like my father. FATHER COULTER: Black and white, the two of you. You always saw the world in black and white. Your mother wasn't like that, either is Russell. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Royal Diner) BOOTH: All right, go. CAROLINE: I was clearing out my desk, when my phone rings and it's this FBI Agent named Carlsen- BOOTH: He heads up a surveillance unit. CAROLINE: And he tells me, "You and Booth are wasting my time with this damn priest". I tell him 'you better mind your mushy mouth"... BOOTH: Caroline, I gotta find Bones, keep her from gettin' killed- CAROLINE: Father Coulter is 90 years old, confined to bed with alzheimer's at a convalescent home out there at the seminary - which does not much sound like the priest you told me about. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to -St. Augustine's Seminary - courtyard) FATHER COULTER: Your father, he talked about uh, when you were four and your, your brother was nine and he hid behind this door and he jumped out at you... [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Royal Diner) BOOTH: I- I, ya know what? Just give me the keys to your car. CAROLINE: My car? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to -St. Augustine's Seminary - courtyard) FATHER COULTER: Boo! (they laugh) He hollers, Boo! And you, you had this doll, had this string in the back for talking... BRENNAN: Chatty Cathy. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Royal Diner) (Caroline throws her keys to Booth) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to -St. Augustine's Seminary - courtyard) FATHER COULTER: Wham! You took that doll and you wound up and you hit your brother so hard you knocked him flat as a pancake. I said to your mother, "No one, no one will ever jump out at that girl again." And your mother said, "just like you Max. She's just like you" BRENNAN: (finally realizing who Father Coulter REALLY is) Hair color...plastic surgery...colored contact lenses, chin and cheek implants...fifteen years older. Still...I should have seen it. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to -Caroline's Car - Booth driving) (he picks up his cell phone and calls Brennan) BOOTH: Come on, Bones, pick up. Pick up! BRENNAN'S VOICEMAIL: This is Dr. Temperance Brennan. Leave a message. BOOTH: Dammit. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to -St. Augustine's Seminary - courtyard) BRENNAN: Russ knew it was you all along? MAX: Yeah. BRENNAN: You talk to Russ, but not to me? MAX: You know. To tell you the truth, you do - you do better without me and Russ does worse. Take this. (he hands her his bible) BRENNAN: I'm not religious. MAX: No. We're gonna play this your way. Please. BRENNAN: (she thumbs through the book) This is Gus Harpers journal. MAX: There's a key there that's to a safety deposit box. In that safety deposit box, is all the evidence. BRENNAN: Why didn't you give it to them? Back in 1978. MAX: Because your mother took one look at it and said "If you turn this over to them, they will kill us. And our kids." BRENNAN: They got Mom anyway. MAX: Yeah, there's not a day that goes by that my heart is not broken. (Russ pulls up in a truck) RUSS (from inside the truck): Dad! Come on. MAX: I gotta go. (he goes to stand up and as he does, Brennan hugs him) BRENNAN: Wait. I can't let you go. MAX: Oh, I love you too. BRENNAN: No. I mean I can't let you go. ( she kicks him and he falls to the ground) I'm sorry. MAX: Ooh. I must be getting old. I let you get the drop on me. (Russ gets out of the car and comes around to the side, but Max signals to him that it's okay) BRENNAN: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just can't let you get away (Max reverses her hold and put the handcuffs on her and handcuffs her to the bench) MAX: I'm sorry. Listen to me. If you find somebody that you can trust, you hang on to 'em. Remember that. RUSS: Dad! Let's go! MAX: I'm proud of you, I love you. (he kisses her on her head) (Max heads to the truck just as Booth pulls up in Caroline's car) RUSS: Dad, get in. MAX (to Booth): You take care of her. (he heads to the truck) BOOTH: FBI. Stop or I'll shoot. BRENNAN: Booth. (Max gets in the truck) Booth. Booth! (Booth lowers his gun and races to Brennan's side, as Russ and Max drive away but not before backing into Caroline's car) BOOTH: Right. I mean, did he really have to hit the car? I wasn't gonna chase him. (Brennan sits down on the bench, defeated. Booth sits next to her and put his hand on her shoulder) BOOTH: You okay? [SCENE_BREAK] (Open - roof of a hotel) (On the rooftop, where the episode began, Max has FBI Agent Kirby crucified as he lights him on fire. Scene fades out with Max being replaced by Booth as the FBI processes the scene) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Jeffersonian - Medico-Legal Lab -Cam's Office) (Brennan places a folder in front of Cam on her desk) CAM: What's this? HODGINS: Zack's Doctorate. BRENNAN: I'd like to recommend him for a job. CAM: I can't put him in front of a jury, I'm sorry. I'll put in a good word in Pure Research. That way he can come visit once in a while. HODGINS: Visit. ANGELA: Dr. Saroyan? Dr. Brennan, Dr. Hodgins. I'd like to present your colleague. (she steps aside and reveals Zack, in a suit) Dr. Zachary Uriah Addy. HODGINS: Look at you...all grown up. BRENNAN: Wow. CAM: Very impressive. ZACK: I can learn how to be effective in front of juries... BRENNAN: Zack can learn anything. (The four squints look at Cam, awaiting her answer) CAM: All right, he's hired. Who am I to break up this team? ANGELA: Lunch is on me, Dr. Addy. Anywhere you wanna go. ZACK: The diner. ANGELA: Anywhere I said.. ZACK: I like the diner! HODGINS: Do me a favor, Uriah, I need a little time to adjust to your fascist haircut (he places a hat on Zack's head and grabs his ears) Let's go. (Angels follows and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Cam walks by and pats him on the arm and just as he's about to walk out, Brennan grabs him and pulls him into a hug) BRENNAN: Congratulations, Dr. Addy. ZACK: Thank you, Dr. Brennan. (they pat each other on the shoulder with an open palm) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to - Royal Diner - Outside - Booth approaches and sees the squints celebrating and waves Brennan outside) BRENNAN: What happened? BOOTH: Uh, the uh, Attorney general took one look at the uh, evidence your father provided and you know, he reinstated me. BRENNAN: I'm glad. BOOTH: Listen, we uh, found another burned body. Same place, same setup. BRENNAN: Kirby? BOOTH: I'm pretty sure (he holds up a coin) It was Kirby's blood in your apartment. BRENNAN: Dad's still trying to warn people - "leave me and Russ alone". BOOTH: No, Russ..he's safe with your father. They're warning people to stay away from you. You know what? I'm sorry..that you had to go through it again. Watching your family drive off, leaving you behind. I'm sorry. BRENNAN: My Father is, is- BOOTH: He's your dad, and he loves you. (they hold a gaze with one another for a few moments) BRENNAN: Ya know. I'm just...I'm just one of those people who doesn't get to be in a family. That's -- BOOTH: ( he places his finger underneath her chin, lifting her head up) Listen, Bones, hey. There's more than one kind of family... ( they hold each other's gaze again until they're interrupted by Zack knocking on the diner window to get their attention). Well, hell, Zack got the job, right? BRENNAN: Come in and congratulate him. BOOTH: Nah, you know he's your squints, not my squints. BRENNAN: No, Booth...we are all of us, your squints. Do me a favor and pat Zack on the shoulder with an open hand. BOOTH: What? Why? Does that mean something? (Brennan laughs as they enter the diner together) END.
Plan: A: Zack; Q: Who defends his dissertation to obtain his doctorate? A: help; Q: What does Zack ask from a colleague? A: Booth; Q: Who determines the victim was a snitch working in an organized crime syndicate? A: the scene; Q: Where are Booth and Brennan called to? A: a scarecrow; Q: How was the body of the man found on the roof of a hotel hung? A: Federal witnesses; Q: Who was the hotel that the body was found on the roof of housing? A: a snitch; Q: What does Booth determine the victim was? A: Russ; Q: Who is Brennan's brother? A: a phone call; Q: What did Brennan's brother receive from their father? A: their father; Q: Who warned Brennan and Booth that they were in danger? A: a priest; Q: Who contacts Brennan to tell her that her father wants her and Booth to drop their case? A: an ex-FBI agent; Q: Who was the body found? A: a decades-old cover-up; Q: What does Booth uncover with the help of Angela? A: his career; Q: What could Booth lose if he continues to investigate the case? Summary: Zack defends his dissertation to obtain his doctorate and asks help from a colleague. Meanwhile, Booth and Brennan are called to the scene where a man's body was found gutted, burned and hung like a scarecrow on the roof of a hotel that housed Federal witnesses. Booth determines the victim was a snitch working in an organized crime syndicate. Brennan's brother, Russ, informs her of a phone call he received from their father, warning him they are both in danger. Soon after, a priest contacts Brennan telling her that her father insists she and Booth drop their case. They determine the body found was actually an ex-FBI agent, tracking Russ to kill him - hence explaining the warning from Brennan's father. With the help of Angela, Booth and the team uncover a decades-old cover-up that could potentially ruin his career if he decides to continue with the investigation.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Nostradamus: I saw your son's future. His union with Mary, she will cost Francis his life. Mary: We were engaged since we were six. Francis: An alliance with Scotland could destroy France. Mary: You don't want to marry me. Queen Catherine: You said the potion would make her seem like the dead, on glass of wine and she would wake up with her virtues destroyed. Mary: Colin, No Lola: He said he was forced. Mary: Colin is my subject and i demand to speak with him. Henry: Colin's been exucuted. He was beheaded this morning. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 1, SCENE 1 - IN THE DUNGEONS: (In the dungeon, Colin, who was said to be dead, is seen being tortured by one of the King and Queen's men) Guard You're done for now, boy. Don't get too comfortable. (The guard slinks away into the night. As soon as he's out of the picture, a dark figure scurries down the corridor) Clarissa: (trying to bring Colin to attention): Wake up. Wake up. (She removes the binds from his hands and tells him to leave) Clarissa: Go. Go. (She reaches for the hot iron and uses it on Colin and he screams in pain, but finally gets a move on.) COLIN: Who are you? (yelling) Why did you free me? (Clarissa continues to run out of the dungeon, never once turning around to look back) ACT 1, SCENE 2 - IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (As the morning light sweeps into a window in the castle, Mary looms over a sleeping Lola, pushing the covers back over her chest. Suddenly, there is a knock on the door) SARAH, THE SERVANT: Lady Kenna, Lady Aylee and Greer of Kinross, Your Grace. (Mary's other three ladies all follow close behind) Mary: Thank you, Sarah. Kenna: You slept there while Lola slept in your bed? Mary: We were talking about what happened to Colin. She fell asleep crying. I feel for her.... And for Colin. (The girls exit the room as to not wake Lola up from her sleep, but they continue chatting in hushed tones in the castle's corridor) Mary: The French King and Queen said Colin's attack on me was an English plot, but Colin told Lola it was someone here, highly placed at French court. All I know is it had to be someone opposed to Scotland's alliance with France; my engagement to Francis. (Mary lowers her voice further, while all the girls eat breakfast) Mary: England wants my country and my crown. I need the alliance with France to protect Scotland from the English, and I need time before there's any chance of Francis marrying me. I won't have time if I don't figure out who's against me. ACT 1, SCENE 3 - IN THE THRONE ROOM: (All of court has gathered in the throne room. On this day, a group of foreigners has gathered while the King and Queen decide who they shall bethrothed the younger Prince to) Queen Catherine: Let's agree it's a brilliant match. Madeleine's French, so there's no question of her family's loyalty... Very wealthy. King Henry: But not royal, so they're hungry for power. Queen Catherine: They'll pay for it. (The King's concern lifts at the thought) King Henry: It's only right to accept the support of one's loyal subjects. Queen Catherine (to her son): And she has a giraffe. (The young prince finally smiles) Queen Catherine: Well, Madeleine's widely traveled. She's come from far away... by ship. Prince Charles: Do I get a giraffe, too? Queen Catherine: The moment she's your bride. (As Catherine continues to put her child at ease, Henry makes preparations) King Henry: Francis, to show our respect, I want you to accompany your little brother to the landing. Prince Charles: Can Bash come as well? Queen Catherine (annoyed): Charlie...You know that Bash isn't really your brother. He's just your father's son. (Francis and Sebastian both look at each other from across the room and smile faintly) Queen Catherine: His presence is disrespectful. King Henry: The girl's parents were enjoying Morocco, so they sent her on alone. Queen Catherine: Barely. She was more afraid of meeting her future husband than of pirates. Well, that's to be expected at age seven. She'll get in line. We all do. Mary: Perhaps I can go with Francis? I came here, too, when I was a child. Perhaps I can reassure her? King Henry: It's several hours' journey. Mary: Then we'll take food and treats. I don't mind, really. Queen Catherine: On second thought, why don't we greet the girl here? We don't know... the journey might not be safe. King Henry: They'll stay on the King's road. A dozen well-armed guards will keep any bandits away. (With the matter settled, Henry takes off to set up the trip up) King Henry (to the guards): Prepare a carriage for Mary, Queen of Scotland. ACT 1, SCENE 4 - ON THE KING'S ROAD: (A convoy of guards on horseback and carriages carry Mary, Francis and Prince Charles to meet Madeleine. As Mary rests her eyes, Prince Charles plays with a puzzle book across from Francis) Prince Charles: She even smells nice. Francis: I know. (Francis looks out of the carriage and sees that they've arrived at their destination. He hops off, leaving Mary with Prince Charles, who seems utterly disinterested) Prince Charles: Can I finish my puzzle? (Francis peeks back in) Francis: We'll come for you once the girl's boat has come ashore. (Mary and Francis stand over the shore, looking as about a dozen small boats approach the shoreline) Francis: There are too many boats. (Francis notices that the larger boat has a huge, white English flag as a banner) Francis: That's not a French ship. Those are English. Mary: Is that a warship? Francis: Yes. (Francis, fearing the worst, alerts the guards) Francis: Guards! Mary: What are they doing here? Francis: I don't know. I think it's a hostile landing. Mary: But England and France are at peace. Have they come for me? Francis: Get Mary out of here.Hide her. (The men are now on the shoreline and they have started walking up the hill toward the group. One of the guards prepares a horse for riding) Francis: Mary, can you ride? Mary: Yes. Francis (to the guard): Get my brother out of here, someplace safe. (The French guards mount their bows with arrows directed toward the approaching men) Francis: Mary, now. (Before Mary and Charles are wisked away, Bash arrives on horseback) Bash: No! Wait! Don't shoot! Stand down! Francis: There's an English warship. Bash: The English come in peace. The French ship took on water it was in distress. The English were nearby and gave rescue. Mary: How do you know this? Bash: They sent an emissary on ahead to the castle. He's being held. If they're lying, they'll have his head. (Bash sighs when they finally put down their weapons. Several minutes later, the group arrive, including the prince's future wife. She takes a few steps forward, but Charles is too shy to meet her) Francis: Go and introduce yourself. (Prince Charles shakes his head "no" and refuses to step forward. So Mary walks toward her and breaks the ice) Mary: Hello, Madeleine. I'm Mary. I know you've had a very long journey, but you're safe now. And you are very welcome here. (She extends her hair to Madeleine, who eventually takes it and walks toward the Prince) Mary (quietly whispering): Go on now. (After a moment, Madeleine bows, then Charles does as well. He bends down and picks a small flower, giving it to her and making her smile) ACT 1, SCENE 5 - AT THE WELCOMING PARTY: (After finally introducing himself, Prince Charles and Madeleine play together at a party held at the castle. All around them, people are dancing, chatting and feasting on various types of food.) KING HENRY (to Queen Catherine quietly): We've sent tents, cots and food to the English fighters at the shore. And there's Simon, the English envoy. I've put him up in a guest suite while he's at court, along with the captain of the ship and some of his officers. Queen Catherine: There's plenty of English to go around. Some of England's finest warriors that just happened to be aboard that ship. Aren't you the kind host? King Henry: Treat them as friends until they prove themselves foes. They'll be gone in a few days, replenished and on their way. (King Henry heads off, with Nostradamus sneaking behind Catherine) Nostradamus: I would think the English would be among your favorite guests. Queen Catherine: Because they hate Mary? Well, if only their aggression were limited to Scotland. But they want France, too. They want everything... Nostradamus: ... Thus the alliance with Scotland. The one you tried to destroy by blackmailing a boy into taking Mary's virtue by force. Queen Catherine: Well, if it had worked, Francis might evade the fate you predict. How do I tell my son you see his death? That his union with Mary will be the cause? Nostradamus: Francis doesn't believe in prophecies. He'd ignore it. Queen Catherine: I trust your visions and your counsel. So let us keep our secrets and let them rest in peace with the Scottish boy who carried them out. (Meanwhile, Simon approaches Mary from the other side of the room) Mary: You're English, Lord Westbrook, but you say that you did not come with the warship? You reside in France? Simon: I have a home in Paris, but I often stay at court. Call me Simon, please. So we can be friendly and frank with one another. Not like the French who simply say what you want to hear. How is your engagement going? Mary: Quite well. We're very happy. Simon: Then why haven't you set a date? Charles and Madeleine are only seven, but they'll be wed on her 14th birthday. France's commitment to Scotland is hollow. They're playing both sides. If you were threatened, would they really come - to your defense? Mary: I believe that is the very definition of an alliance. But, of course, you knew that. Simon: I know this from one look at you. You're of age. You should be married. Mary: Are you proposing, or are you trying to scare me? Simon: Pack your pretty friends and hopes of salvation and go back to Scotland. Mary: And exactly how long before England attacks in full force if I do that? I'm not going anywhere. Simon: Didn't the nuns raise a brave girl. Sent to them for your protection, as I recall. How was the porridge at convent? We thought it needed a little seasoning. A little something to make the flavor of our intentions clear. (Mary remembers her last day at the convent, when one of the nuns died right before her eyes) Mary (clearly disgusted): Y... (Just before she is about to verbally attack him, Francis comes up and tries to calm her down before she makes a public spectacle of herself) Francis: Darling, you're missing the game. Antoine's had seven cups of wine. Every time he hiccups or burps, we must have one ourselves. (Finally, Francis acknowledges Simon nonchalantly) Francis: Simon, right? Back at court? Simon: And very pleased to be here. Francis: I have another game in mind for you. (Francis drags Mary away from Simon, but not before forcing him to hold his chalice) Mary: What are you doing? (Francis has Mary pinned to a wall, but she is clearly upset) Francis: Don't move. Don't push me away. You're shaking. You can't show them you're scared. Mary: He threatened me here at French court. He wanted me to know that they tried to poison me at the convent. Francis: He's heard things about my reluctance to marry you. Mary: Then they're aware that I don't have your country's protection here. Francis: You do. (Mary remains unconvinced) Francis (quietly): You do. Mary: There are dozens of English here, hundreds more camped on the coastline. Francis: I'm at your side. We'll prove to them our union is strong. Mary: But it isn't. Francis: Well, they'll think it is before their visit is over. (Francis holds out his hand, but Mary doesn't take it. While looking around, she sees that all eyes - including the Queen and Nostradamus - are on her) Francis: Can you do this? Mary: Absolutely. Can you? (He nods and she finally takes his hand, before they head for the dance floor. Meanwhile, a guard comes up to Nostradamus and whispers something unsetting in his ear. Catherine picks up on this and she looks concerned) ACT 1, SCENE 6 - BACK TO THE DUNGEONS: (After leaving the festivities, Nostradamus leads the Queen down to the dungeons, where he carefully explains what happened earlier that morning) Nostradamus: As is the custom the door of the prisoner scheduled to be executed was marked with an "X. (Catherine holds a handkerchief over her nose to hide the rancid smell, as Nostradamus shows her the door marked with the red X) Queen Catherine: Yes. Go on, go on. Nostradamus: In another cell - a second boy, a thief - was being detained and punished. Queen Catherine: Tortured, you mean. (They both walk up to the table on which Colin was chained to earlier, seeing another young boy's body and decapitated head) Queen Catherine: Who is this? Nostradamus: The boy whose cell was mistakenly marked. (Nostradamus looks down at his feet and chooses his words carefully) Nostradamus: It was Colin who was tortured and escaped. Queen Catherine: They beheaded the wrong boy and let him go? Nostradamus: I said he escaped... He had help. Someone released him from his bonds. Queen Catherine: No. Colin knows what we've done. If he tells Mary, she could destroy us. Nostradamus: Especially if your husband-the King-believes his story. Queen Catherine: We have to find Colin. Find him and kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 2, SCENE 1 - IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (After learning Colin has escaped, Catherine is already plotting to make sure the truth would remain buried, but covering her bases just in case. She and the King have gone up to Mary's chambers, where she and her ladies are caught up) Mary: Colin's alive? King Henry: Alive and escaped, I'm afraid. (A look of relief washes over Lola's face) Queen Catherine: He had help. Mary: Who? King Henry: Perhaps the English? Mary (unable to formulate a coherent sentence): But-t-t the attack... the execution... it all took place before they arrived. Queen Catherine: They're always here, my dear. Spies and treachery are constant in our world, but you have our protection. The guards are out looking for Colin, and he will be found. (Catherine changes the subject) Queen Catherine: There's a picnic this afternoon for Madeleine and Charles. The perimeter will be guarded. Mary: Perhaps this is a mixed blessing... And I'll have a chance to speak with Colin once he's found; to learn how deep the plot against my person runs.. (to Catherine) You said yourself, Colin was a mere pawn. Queen Catherine: The informants who pointed at the English fled, fearing retribution. King Henry (curiously): Have they? Queen Catherine: Mhhmm Mary: All I ask of you is that you bring him back alive. I need answers, and you did regret that he was executed so quickly, not knowing my request. (Catherine makes it clear that this isn't going to happen) Queen Catherine: Colin is a dangerous fugitive. I can not--we can not possibly guarantee that he-e (stumbling with her words) won't attack the guards and be harmed... or killed. King Henry: We can promise to try. ACT 2, SCENE 2 - IN A CORRIDOR: (After leaving Mary's chambers, the King speaks to the Queen privately) King Henry: I heard you were the first to learn of Colin's escape. You were seen last night in the dungeon with Nostradamus. Queen Catherine: Yes. I sent out the guards right away. King Henry: ... But you didn't tell me. Queen Catherine: I wouldn't want to disturb you in your mistress's bed. King Henry: Diane's at the country house. So, by all means, keep me informed... Day or night. Because I want to know whatever that boy has to say. Queen Catherine: Look at all the guards. As if Colin would ever willingly return. ACT 2, SCENE 3 - IN THE COURTYARD: (Outside of the castle, all of the people at court have ventured out into the beautifully-decorated courtyard, with dozens of children running around and playing games) Lola (noticing how many guards the King and Queen have positioned around the courtyard): Look at all the guards. As if Colin would ever willingly return... (One of the games entails blindfolding Prince Charles, having a number of girls call his name and have him identify Madeleine from the rest of them) Girls: Charles! ... Charles! ... Charles! Madeleine (very softly): Charles .. Kenna (talking over the Children): How is Charles supposed to recognize the voice of his true love if she's so quiet? - Charles. Madeleine (louder and less soft): Charles! (The King and Queen pass through the courtyard together, stopping when a beautiful lady catches his eye to plant a kiss on her hand) Woman: Your Majesty. Kenna: Who's the King talking to? Greer: Anyone he likes, since he has no use for the Queen, and his mistress, Diane, is away. (Henry glances back at Kenna and smiles) Mary (to Francis): Do you remember this game? Madeleine: Charles! Francis: Yes. And she's getting irritated with him. Madeleine: Charles!! Mary: He's not listening. He's distracted by this one and that. Francis: She's impatient. Like somebody else I know... You always were. Never finished a game...never sat through a story. (Mary looks back at Francis with a myraid of emotions flooding her face) Francis: What is it? Mary: I wish I could be patient. My situation isn't easy. Francis: I know that. You must feel misled. Mary: I feel endangered. The boy who attacked me, Colin; He told Lola he was forced by someone in the castle. Francis: You mean someone French? Mary: Highly placed, with the power to threaten him and order him executed. Francis: Those orders came from my parents. Mary: When I spoke to your parents, even your father seemed suspicious. Francis: And my mother? (Francis waits for an answer that never comes) Francis (very quietly): Are you accusing her of something? Mary: No... I don't know. I just want to be sure that Colin is returned alive and your parents said he would be. Francis: Then he will be, or they'll make every effort. Mary: Can you be sure of that? Francis: You have the word of the King and Queen of France. Mary: I had their word that we would be married. I'm not sure words mean anything here. (Francis angrily storms off, revealing that Simon has been watching them intently from across the courtyard. Meanwhile, Prince Charles remains blindfolded, with many young girls calling out his name) Girl 1: Charles. Girl 2: Charles. Girl 3: Charles. Girl 4: Charles. Girl 5: Charles. Girl 6: Charles. (Prince Charles keep spinning around, unable to identify Madeleine's voice from the crowd) Madeleine: Charles! (Finally fed up, she rips the blindfold from his face) ELSEWHERE IN THE COURT-YARD: (Mary meets with Sebastian privately) Bash: I'm not sure who you fear the English or the French court. Mary: The English have threatened me for years, but Colin is the only one who knows who at French court, wants me gone. Bash: And you think the word of an accused traitor will matter? Mary: If the right people believe him - and I think they might - then yes. Bash: All right, I'll go. Best way out of the dungeon is the South keep. Guards will have a head start, but they are not hunters, and they fear the woods. Mary: Why? Bash: There is much to fear. Dark and dangerous times, Your Grace, but your presence brings light. (This makes Mary smile) ACT 2, SCENE 4 - AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE TUNNELS: (After leaving the party held at the courtyard, little Charles hoovers against a stone structure near the castle, whispering to someone lingering in the shadows) Prince Charles: I know. I didn't tell anyone... Don't worry. (Mary goes looking for Charles. After she spots him, so goes to see whom he's speaking to) Mary: Charles, Madeleine feels like you're ignoring her. Who are you talking to? Prince Charles: No one. Mary: Is that quite so? Prince Charles: All right, I was talking to my friend, But she wants me to play with her, too. She gets jealous. She says that when I'm older, I won't even remember her. (Mary starts walking toward the entrance) Prince Charles: Don't go in there. She decides when you see her. Mary: Well, that doesn't sound very friendly... Prince Charles: But she knows things. Because she goes where she wants, and she sees everything, and she knows people's secrets. (Suddenly, it strikes Mary that this girl might be the same one who warned her of the rape plot) Mary: This friend, who likes to hide... I think she visited me once. Prince Charles: You're lucky, then. She doesn't like people. Most of the time, she doesn't really speak, but I bribe her with things she likes, or play guessing games with her.. to learn things. Mary: This friend does she have a name? Prince Charles: Clarissa, but don't say I told you. (Mary turns again to enter the tunnels, this time venturing inside) Prince Charles: Please don't go in there. Mary: Clarissa? (Once inside the enterance, Clarissa is nowhere to be found, but Mary finds a small round stone laying on the ground. She picks it up and goes back outside, seeing that no one is around her any longer, including Charles) ACT 2, SCENE 5 - IN MARY'S CHAMBERs: (When arriving back into her room following the party, Mary finds a girl wearing one of her dresses) Mary: I'm-I'm sorry... I don't know you. (The girl's face turns white) Mary: Is that my dress? Girl: Your Grace, forgive me...It's so beautiful. The tailor gave it to me to return, and I-I thought.. I should never... (Suddenly the girl starts clutching at her arms) Girl: My skin is on fire. My skin is on fire! Mary: Is something wrong? Girl: No! Stay back! It's poisoned. My skin is burning. It's burning! (She falls to the ground, which sends Mary on a desperate mission for help) Mary (screaming and running down the corridors): Guards, someone, help me! Somebody help me, please! Guards! [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 3, SCENE 1 - BACK IN THE CHAMBERS: (Returning with Francis and several men, Mary sees that the girl is no longer there in her chambers) Mary: She was right there on the floor. She was dying. Where-where.. could she have gone? Francis: They took the evidence... Whoever did this failed in their attempt on you. (Francis tries to comfort her by holding her hand) Francis (to one of the guards): Go! Now! An assassin with a dying girl could not have gone far. Francis: Go! Go! (All of them take off after the girl, leaving Mary and Francis alone) Mary (hysterically): She was right there! How could anyone have escaped with her? (Suddenly, an idea dawns on Mary) Mary: The passageway... (She takes off toward it, with Francis following her behind closely) Mary: I don't know how far it goes, or where, but... (Mary opens up a small door and they look into the darkness) Mary: Could they have gone through here? Francis: Shh... (He pauses for a moment, listening for voices or footprints) Francis: No... No, they'd echo. We'd hear them. These passages are all stone, nothing in them... but I didn't know one connected to this room. Mary: You know about them? Francis: This castle's been built over centuries. The passageways...they connect the older parts to the new. They're mostly sealed up now, dead-ends. I'll have the guards check them anyway. Where were your guards when you came in? Mary: Well, they-they... They weren't here. I-I saw the servant, and I-I thought it was safe. Francis: They'll be dealt with, but in the mean-time, that English envoy needs to be detained and questioned. Mary: Do that... (Francis has already taken off) Mary: By all means. ACT 3, SCENE 2 - IN THE THRONE ROOM: (Kenna, one of Mary's ladies, stands by the windowsill alone, until the King approaches her) Kenna: Your Grace. King Henry: Had enough sun... (Kenna touches her hand to her face) King Henry: or are you blushing? Kenna: Both. King Henry: I wondered when I might find a moment alone with you again, as I very much enjoyed our last. Then I decided a public chat might be the best way to protect your reputation. Kenna: Hmmm. I didn't know... I, um ...I'd wondered if... (She trails off) King Henry: If it meant anything to me? (whispering) I can't stop thinking about you. I wish we hadn't stopped, but, but I understand why. Kenna: A maiden's virtue is everything. King Henry: I want a woman, not a maiden. As King, I've learned to be very clear about when to state my terms. Enjoy the festivities. ACT 3, SCENE 3 - IN A CORRIDOR: (The King and Francis discuss what just happened in Mary's chambers alone in a corridor) Francis: The English can't do this, not under the laws of diplomacy, not under French law, not in our home. King Henry: You can't prove they did anything until the servant's body is found. Francis: Corner the English envoy, torture him if needs be... He's had no problem torturing Mary. King Henry: Simon's having a glass of Sherry with my advisor. He's well aware of the consequences if we can prove he's behind this. Francis: You're not gonna do anything, are you? King Henry: I didn't say that. Francis: You're just going to keep her here, like some acquisition, a weapon you might never use. King Henry: Alliances are weapons. Francis: Her life is at risk over an alliance we may never honor. End it. Let her go. King Henry: Her life is always at risk. She first came to us when she was six because the English wanted to kill her. Francis: She's no safer here than anywhere else. King Henry: Exactly. Where do you think she's going to go, back to Scotland? Her mother doesn't want her back, not without a King for a husband. She's here doing her job, and her job is waiting for me to decide when you should marry her. (Francis fully plans on arguing further, but Henry has had enough) Francis: She... King Henry: She is not going anywhere. Francis: She's not just an alliance; She's a girl, under your care, but that's of no matter to you, is it? King Henry: I'm intrigued by how much she matters to you. All this worry for a girl you claim you don't want to marry. (With Francis now speechless, the King makes his exit) ACT 3, SCENE 4 - IN THE WOODS: (Alone with his horse in the woods, Sebastian stops at a small bush and sees something on one of the leaves. Putting it between his fingers, he determines it's blood. After walking several additional yards, he sees more blood on the ground. Bending down to inspect it, drops of blood fall to his face. Looking up, he sees a figure hung by the neck on a tree) [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 4, SCENE 1 - IN A CASTLE CORRIDOR: (Mary and her ladies have gathered to await news on the girl and on Colin's recovery. Francis joins them and pulls Mary aside) Francis: The English Envoy has been questioned. He had an alibi for everything. Mary: I'm not surprised. Francis: I hope you know I take your position seriously and I want to help... As best I can. As I suspect my brother is already doing. I saw you talking. He's gone after Colin, hasn't he? Mary: Yes. Are you angry? Francis: No. No. You need more than a show of our support, but it's-it's near dark. He should be back by now. You must have given him some lead. Mary: He was following a trail from the South keep. That's all I know. (Francis turns to leave in search of Sebastian, but Mary has something else to say first. She grabs his hand) Mary: Thank you. (Seeing Francis has left, Mary's ladies report back to her) AYLEE: We've talked to the last of the servants, and the guards. Lola: No one posted outside any of our doors or in that corridor saw someone leave your room with a body or a dying girl. Kenna: And they would have. Mary: They must have used the passageway. ACT 4, SCENE 2 - IN THE PASSAGES: (Mary returns to the passageways by herself, hoping Clarissa will be open to talking with her) Mary: Clarissa? (Mary hears nothing but the echo of water dropplets hitting the ground and her own voice) Mary: We can play if you want., but I need your help. (Mary lays her candle down and pulls out several marbles, which she puts on the floor) Mary: If you can hear me, come and find me. (She gets up and walks back to her room, but she stops dead in her tracks when she hears a noise behind her) Mary: Does this mean you'll speak to me? (She returns back to the site with the marbles) Mary: I have a guessing game for you. I'm going to guess something, and if I guess right, you roll the marble back to me. If I guess wrong, you keep it... it's yours. (She picks up one of the marbles) Mary: I think you know who's trying to hurt me. (After tossing the marble and Clarissa not returning it, she asks another question) Mary: Who is it? Is it the English? Is it Queen Catherine? No, I'm-I'm sorry, I'll ask one at a time. (Clarissa shoots several marbles at Mary Mary: Is it the English? (When she doesn't answer, Mary goes off after her) Mary: Clarissa? Clarissa? (Clarissa is gone once Mary arrives, but she left behind a golden key and some crushed mineral, which Mary picks up) ACT 4, SCENE 3 - IN THE WOODS: (In the woods, Bash has cut down Colin's corpse. He scurries when he hears someone approaching on horseback, hiding in the bushes until he sees Francis is the approaching stranger) Francis: No, Bash. Why were you hiding? Bash (whispering): How did you find me? Francis: You're the one who taught me how to find snapped twigs and imprints in the soil. (Francis looks down and sees the body) Francis: Is that Colin? Bash: Yes, it is. Let's get him out of here. He didn't deserve to die like this, and Mary will want to send her subject home for a proper burial. Francis: How did he die? Bash: Guess the guards got to him before we did. (Bash starts dragging his body by the hands, when Francis noices the rope tied arounf his feet. He puts his foot against the rope and prevents Bash from moving him any farther) Francis: Our guards hang men by their necks, not their feet. (Francis bends down and gets a better look) Francis: His throat's been slit. There's blood running up his face. He was bled out. Bash: Well, you'll find that the guards play by their own rules, little brother. Now, help me with him. (They start to move him together when a figure appears behind them) Francis: What was that? Are those the guards? (Bash looks frightened) Francis: You've nothing to fear. They're under our command. Bash: Those aren't guards. (He and Francis both get up on their feet and look around intently) Bash (to the figures): We take what's ours, not yours. Francis: They're coming closer. Bash: Even dead men answer to the King. (Francis pulls out his sword and commands Bash to do the same) Francis: Draw your sword! (Instead, Bash pulls out a small knife and uses it to cut his own hand) Francis: What are you doing? (Bash lets drops of blood fall to the ground around him) Bash: Lumenick dushkadar. Et spragon, faraha. Ay raynam doluchtaii! (The noises from the figures sound more and more distant) Bash: They're leaving. Let's get out of here. Francis: How can you be so sure? What did you say?! (Bash doesn't have the time to argue, He picks up Colin's body once again and starts to put it on his horse) Bash: Francis, now! (Francis puts his sword up and does as Bash says. They load his body and take back off toward the castle) [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 5, SCENE 1 - BACK AT THE CASTLE: (After taking the key Clarissa left her, Mary goes off in search of the door it opens, but before she can test the key in the Queen's door, she is interrupted by a servant) Guard: Your Grace? Are you here to see Queen Catherine? (Acting cool, she indicates to him that she's dropping a note off) Mary: A private thank you. She'll see it when she returns. (The guard bows and leaves. Mary bends down and pretends to push the note under the door, but while she's down there, she finally tries the key, seeing that it doesn't work. She then leaves and tries another door, seeing that it DOES work. After turning the lock and opening the door, finding Simon in bed with the woman who was in her chambers earlier that day) Mary (to Simon): Of course. It's you. (The girl pulls the covers up over her chest) Mary: But you were poisoned. Simon (to the girl): There you go, my dear. (Simon tosses her a robe and she bolts out of the room) Simon: Her carriage back to Orleans was delayed. My hope was to keep her out of sight. Mary: So you admit it.... That you staged her poisoning to terrorize me. (Simon doesn't say no) Mary: Why would you do such a thing? To show me what you're capable of? You showed me that at the convent. England shows me that every time you attack our borders. Simon: You need to fear us here, at French court, because your being here angers us very much. Mary: You threaten me, but it is the English who are afraid. There are rumors that your Queen is ill.. And my cousin Elizabeth is the next in line for the throne, but many say she's illegitimate... b*st*rd born. Simon: And say the next rightful heir to the English throne is you. Mary: But what if I don't want it? What if all I want is for England to leave Scotland in peace? Simon: Show us you're not a threat. That you are not here to wed the next King of France for his armies. Mary: Armies I need against you! Because England won't stop. Simon: We need to crush Scotland so we're certain it won't rise against us. (Mary realizes that her pro-Elizabeth sentiment was futile) Mary: You'll never leave me in peace. Simon: Someone has to make the first move. Someone has to instill trust. Leave France, abandon the alliance. Mary: And trust you? Simon: You think you can trust the French? You have powerful enemies here, and you know it, or you'd be screaming right now for the guards. Where were yours, by the way, when we went into your room? Mary (to herself): She said yes to both. (to Simon) You have Catherine's support in this. Simon: Wouldn't that make life for me, and the loss of yours, so much easier? ACT 5, SCENE 2 - AT A FEAST: (Downstairs, a group of people are feasting. Kenna sits at the table, while Henry lurks in the doorway, watching her every move) Kenna: I have thought about your offer. King Henry: I've thought about you accepting it. Kenna: Do you see that man over there, the one who can't take his eyes off me? (Henry turns and looks) King Henry: I believe that's Robert, the viscount of Lorraine. Kenna: Well, I need to be spending my time with him or any other available noble. Men that I might marry, who need to know I'm a virgin, so there's no question whether or not our child is their heir. Men to whom my virtue matters... Sorry. King Henry: I understand your position completely. ACT 5, SCENE 3 - IN THE STABLES: (After returning from the woods with Colin's body, Francis remains curious about the events leading up to them leaving the woods) Francis: I know you don't want to talk about it, but that language that you spoke..... Bash (stopping him): I told you it's nothing, it's just an old dialect. Francis: It's pagan or druid. Call it what you want, but it's heresy. It sounded very much like a prayer that you knew well. What were you saying? (Bash makes it clear that the topic is still not up for discussion) Francis: I remember some of the words. Would you rather that I went to a scholar, to Nostradamus? (Finally, he gives in) BASH: "Deep the roots, dark the night, red the blood I will pay" ... It's nonsense, but the Vagrants in the woods believe it. Francis: Vagrantsis that what those were? And, Colin? Was his death part of this blood oath? Bash: I found him hanging. They used him as a sacrifice. Now you know why the woods aren't safe. Francis: You went into them for Mary. Bash: She's your fiance.. I felt duty-bound to help her. Francis: Bash, we're brothers. We could always trust each other regardless of our station. Let that be the last lie you tell me. ACT 5, SCENE 4 - IN MARY'S CHAMBERS: (Finally, Francis debriefs Mary on the state of the search) Mary: If Colin is dead, then it's over. I have no proof against my enemy. I came here to marry you; a marriage that would protect both me and my country. And it scares the English. They fear your country's power. Francis: They'll fear it when I'm King, I promise you. Mary: And I would wait.... For our marriage, for the chance of your country's support, If I had some faith that I could survive your mother. (Francis seems insulted at the suggestion that his mother is involved) Francis: No... Mary (interrupting him): I can't prove it. I have no one who will speak openly, no evidence that you can hold in your hand. I have nothing but confirmation from an enemy...and someone else, a girl, who I believe more than anyone. Francis: My mother wouldn't harm you. She has no cause to. She knows that I won't wed you unless it's right for France. Mary: I can't make sense of it either... but she did it. She was behind it all, I am sure of it. She terrorized me... and it worked. If your conscience, your politics, won't allow you to marry me, then the English feel that they have a clean shot at me with the Queen of France as their weapon. I can't stay here. Even my mother will understand because I can't bring home any armies-and I can't wed any Kings-if I'm dead. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT 6, SCENE 1 - IN KENNA'S CHAMBERS: (Whilst preparing herself to go to sleep, Kenna hears a knock at her door. It's King Henry and he has come to make an introduction) King Henry: Kenna, you remember Robert, the viscount of Lorraine? Kenna: Yes? King Henry: Robert, will you take Lady Kenna as your bride, no questions asked, because it's a union blessed by your King? ROBERT: As you wish, Your Majesty. King Henry: Thanks, Robert. That will be all. (Robert smiles slyly and makes his exit) King Henry: You needn't worry. Being in the King's favor expands your prospects. It doesn't limit them. Think about that, too. (Henry plants a passionate kiss on Kenna) King Henry: Think about that too. ACT 6, SCENE 2 - IN THE THRONE ROOM: (Francis stands alone in the throne room, looking at the spot in which he'll one day sit as King, when Catherine arrives) Francis: I hope to be a good King someday, which is why I will never put anything-any love-ahead of the love for my country. Why do you doubt that? Queen Catherine: What makes you think I do? Francis: You put a boy to death-two boys-one with the sweep of a paintbrush, a red "X" carelessly applied... a life over... another boy slain in the woods. Queen Catherine: Mistakes were made. We tried to bring Colin back even though he was a traitor. Francis: If he's a traitor, then what are you? Who are you loyal to? Queen Catherine: My family, France, you-as they are one and the same. Francis: Because you can't trust father and he can't divorce you. I mean, you must wonder what he'd do to you if he could, so you put all your hopes, your survival on the favor of the next King-me but, mother... You must understand that my, my marriage to Mary, to anyone won't change my loyalty to you. Queen Catherine: Is the pull so strong? Francis: Yes. Yes, it is. But it doesn't matter.... Mary came here in good faith, and now... Queen Catherine: Well, now what? Is she leaving? Francis: It was you. Queen Catherine: No. Francis: You need to stop this. If anything happens to Mary--anything --I will suspect you and I won't need proof. And you will lose me. (Francis leaves in a hurry. Catherine grabs him by the arm to stop him, but she's unsucessful) ACT 6, SCENE 3 - IN CATHERINE'S CHAMBERS: Queen Catherine: I'll ready myself for bed tonight. SERVANT: Yes, Your Majesty. (All of the servants leave, but one guard. After the room is clear, she starts stripping her body of the jewelery and asking him questions) Queen Catherine: Where did you find him? Guard: Colin? He'd gone into the blood wood... stupid scot. Queen Catherine: How convenient for you. Guard: Made him easy to catch and string up. Queen Catherine: Like the heretics do in the woods? Guard: Feet first, just the same. (As Catherine strips her clothing off, the guard excuses himself, but when she pulls back the covers on her bed, she sees a huge red x painted onto her sheets) ACT 6, SCENE 4 - IN THE DUNGEONS: (Nostradamus is washing the red x off the door in the dungeons, talking to someone off-screen) NOSTRADAMUS: I see you're doing art now. Aren't you clever? Tricking the guards into killing one boy while you release another. Were you trying to help Mary, point her to her enemies like some avenging Angel? You're no Angel. If people knew what you really were... ACT 6, SCENE 5 - OUTSIDE THE CASTLE: Francis: I believe you. And I'm sorry for all that you've been through. I believe that your life is safe here At least from my mother. Mary: How? Francis: You'll just have to trust me, and I'll have to trust her love for me. Mary: You told her? Francis: I raised my suspicions, not yours. Mary: Even if putting your mother on notice was enough, I have more enemies than you can count. Francis: Isn't that why you came here...for an ally? Mary: And you made it very clear you weren't one for me. Francis: I was wrong. Mary: But your duty is to France. Francis: I'm not talking about our nations. I'm saying that I will be at your side against foes seen and unseen, as a friend. Mary: As a friend? Is that what we are now? Francis: Well, it's a good place to start if there's to be any real chance between us. Mary: Yes, it is a good place to start. Francis: Then don't give up, don't run. Stay. (Francis extends his hand and she takes it)
Plan: A: Prince Charles; Q: Who is the younger brother of Prince Francis? A: Peter DaCunha; Q: Who plays Prince Charles? A: Madeleine; Q: Who is Prince Charles to be betrothed to? A: Vanessa Carter; Q: Who plays Madeleine? A: a French noblewoman; Q: Who is Madeleine? A: Simon Westbrook; Q: Who is the English envoy that accompanies Madeleine to England? A: Luke Roberts; Q: Who played Simon Westbrook? A: Clarissa; Q: Who did Queen Mary ask for information about the poisoning attempt? A: Katie Boland; Q: Who played Clarissa? A: the rape plot; Q: What plot does Mary suspect Clarissa warned her of? A: Queen Mary; Q: Who believes Catherine is responsible for the various plots? A: the poisoning; Q: What did Simon feign to scare Queen Mary out of the alliance with France? A: French court; Q: Where does Queen Mary have enemies? A: the English; Q: Who does Queen Mary want to stand against? A: his mother; Q: Who does Francis warn to leave his fiancee alone? A: a united front; Q: What are Queen Mary and Prince Francis determined to be against their mutual enemies? Summary: Prince Francis's younger brother, Prince Charles (Peter DaCunha), is to be betrothed to Madeleine (Vanessa Carter), a French noblewoman. Madeleine arrives by ship, escorted by an unexpected English envoy led by Simon Westbrook (Luke Roberts), who are welcomed at court for helping Madeleine arrive safely. Mary learns from Charles that a girl named Clarissa (Katie Boland) lives in the secret passageways of the castle; Mary suspects she's the one who warned her of the rape plot. When Queen Mary avoids what appears to be another poisoning attempt, she asks Clarissa for information. She is led to Simon, learning that he feigned the poisoning to scare her out of the alliance with France. Simon points out that Queen Mary already has enemies in French court and will not be safe, but Mary declares her intent to stay and stand against the English. Queen Mary suspects Catherine as responsible for the various plots and shares this with Francis, who believes her and warns his mother to leave his fiancee alone. Queen Mary and Prince Francis are for now determined to be a united front against their mutual enemies.
[Scene: P3. Phoebe is on a date with a guy. A waitress brings Phoebe over a drink.] Phoebe: Thanks, Susie. Susie: Sure. (The waitress walks away.) Guy: You've never done this before, have you? Online dating, I mean. Phoebe: Oh, no, I have, I have, a couple of times. It's just, it's not my favourite way to meet people. Guy: Really? Why not? Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, it's very impersonal, you know, too planned. Guy: Well, I have to say I've met quite a few interesting women online. Phoebe: Really? (She gets a notepad and pen out of her handbag.) Um, more interesting than you tend to meet in person? Guy: What's this? Phoebe: Oh, I'm doing an article on internet dating. Guy: Wait, your profile said you were looking for romance. Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, it did and I kinda am... it's just my new boss put me up to this, I didn't really wanna do it. I'm sorry, are you mad? Guy: No, no, not at all. I still have high hopes for this evening. (He touches her hand and she gasps as she receives a premonition.) Are you alright? Phoebe: Uh, yeah, it's just the hiccups. (She fakes a hiccup.) You wait right here. (Phoebe gets up and walks over to the bar where Piper is talking on the phone.) Piper: (on phone) No, no, no. Pat Benatar cannot cancel on me, I won't be able to replace her by this weekend. Phoebe: Piper... Piper: Look, I know I didn't call to confirm but I was busy creating life, okay? Look, just let me talk to Pat. I know she'd understand, really. Hello? He hung up on me that little cretin. Phoebe: My date is a demon. Piper: Huh? What? (She looks at the guy.) That guy? But he's so hot. Phoebe: Yeah, hot as in flames of hell hot. I had a premonition, he devours his victims, I'm next, freeze the room. Piper: Ugh, my sister the demon magnet. (She freezes the room but the guy doesn't freeze. He looks around.) Guy: Witches. Damn it. (Piper blows him up.) Phoebe: Thank you. Piper: Mm-hm. (She unfreezes the room.) Now if you don't mind, I have to get back to going bankrupt. Actually, scratch that. I have to get back to fighting with my husband. Phoebe: Oh, another fight? Piper: Yeah, well, you know, new parents, two career couple, that kind of stuff. We'll figure it out. (She picks up her handbag.) Now, are you gonna come home with me or are you gonna try and salvage this evening. Phoebe: No, I think my luck has run out. (Phoebe grabs her handbag and follows Piper out.) [Scene: Outside a Cafe. A busker is there playing the guitar and singing.] Busker: "Greensleeves was my heart of gold / And who but my lady greensleeves / Yeah, who but my lady greensleeves / Alas, my love, you do..." (A man in a suit walks past him.) A little down on my luck, sir. Could you spare some change? (The man ignores him and keeps walking. A leprechaun appears behind a bush.) God bless you. "Greensleeves was all my joy..." (The leprechaun holds out his hand and gold nugget sits in it.) Leprechaun: Slainte is tainte. (The nugget glows and a stream of light hits the busker. There's a gust of wind and it slams his guitar case shut. The busker stops singing. The wind blows a sheet of newspaper across the sidewalk, revealing a money note under it. The busker goes over and picks the $50 note up. The leprechaun smiles and leaves down the sidewalk in a blur. Saleel, a demon, stands in the middle of the sidewalk and the leprechaun smacks into him, falling backwards on the ground. The leprechaun gets up.) Begging your pardon, sir. I meant no disrespect. I'll just be on me way. (He steps forward and Saleel grabs him around the neck. The leprechaun drops his walking stick.) Saleel: You know what I hate most about leprechauns? You're all cowards. You don't deserve your gift, and it'll be my pleasure to take it from every last one of you. (Saleel squeezes the leprechaun's neck and he bursts into gold dust and disappears.) (Irish accent) Tough break, paddy. (Saleel picks up the walking stick and chants and spell. A rainbow appears in front of him and he steps into it. The rainbow disappears, taking Saleel with it.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper, Phoebe and Wyatt are there. Piper is heating up baby bottles of milk on the stove. Phoebe is looking in on Wyatt in his bassinet.] Phoebe: You're just the cutest little wiccan thing I ever did see. Yes you are. (Piper pulls a bottle out of the saucepan. Phoebe's pager beeps.) Piper: Ow! Hot! Hot! Hot! Leo! (Phoebe checks her pager.) Freakin' ever useless Elders. What is taking them so long? (Phoebe giggles.) What? What'd he do? What'd I miss? Phoebe: Oh, no, it's not Wyatt. It's a poem that this guy, at least I hope it's a guy, just emailed me. Piper: I thought you didn't like the online dating thing? Phoebe: Oh, believe me, I don't. Piper: I'm confused. Okay, look, I can schedule in five minutes for a sisterly chat but then I gotta go. Phoebe: I cannot schedule in a sisterly chat. Piper: I'm telling you. You've got four minutes and fifty-five seconds. (Paige walks in carrying an empty laundry basket.) Paige: Hi. Piper: Uh, perfect timing, we were just chatting. Anything you need to talk about? Paige: No, I'm good. (Paige walks into the laundry.) Piper: Good, more time for you. Shoot. Phoebe: No, I don't need to talk. It's not like I have any desire to go meet this cyrano73. It's just research for that stupid article Jason made me do. Piper: Ah, you said his name without swearing. Does that mean things are going better at work? Phoebe: Oh, no, he's still driving me crazy. Piper: Didn't he just give you a raise? Phoebe: Yeah, but that was just a bribe so I wouldn't quit. Piper: Ah, a woman of principles. I admire that. Phoebe: Mm-hm. Gotta go. (Phoebe walks over to Wyatt. Paige comes out of the laundry holding a tiny sweater.) Paige: Oh, no, damn it, what happened? Phoebe: (to Wyatt) Bye, baby, I love you. (to Paige) Tell her, you've got three minutes. Paige: My sweater shrunk. Piper: Ah, come on, you've worn tighter things than that. Paige: That is not the point. The demon blood is not coming out. I can't keep replacing all of my good clothes. I'm running out of my savings. Piper: Sister, you are preaching to the choir. Paige: Yeah, well, at least you've got a job. You know, I cannot afford to keep paying for this. Unless... magic reimburses me. Piper: Hello, personal gain, consequences. Do I need to remind you of the big boob fiasco? Paige: No, my back still hurts. Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid. (Paige leaves the kitchen. Piper goes to follow.) Piper: Paige, wait. What are you... (Leo orbs in front of her.) Doing. Leo: Piper, we've got problems. Piper: Yeah, I know, you're late and it's your turn to watch the baby. Leo: Not marital problems... demonic ones. [Scene: A Rock Cave. Two demon women are there. A snake is crawling over a rock in the centre of the cave.] Jayda: What's taking him so long? Jenna: Patience, Jayda. He'll be here. Jayda: Maybe we should try a little target practice... (She forms an energy ball in her hand.) While we wait. (She looks at the snake. Saleel appears.) Saleel: I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill my pets. (Jayda extinguishes the energy ball.) Jayda: Where've you been? Saleel: Gathering nuggets. (He holds out two gold nuggets.) My last two. Do you want them or not? Jenna: Name your price. Saleel: No price. All I ask is your allegiance in my bid to take over the underworld. Consider this my grass roots effort at gaining support. Jayda: What makes you think you can buy our support? Saleel: Because in exchange, I'll give you everything you've ever dreamed of. Do we have a deal? (Jayda nods.) Slainte is tainte. (A golden stream of light hits Jayda and Jenna.) Jenna: But how do we know it worked? Saleel: Trust me, it's your lucky day. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's Office. Phoebe is there chatting with cyrano73 on the computer.] "Cyrano73: Like the poem? Cinderella29: Cute. Made my day. Cyrano73: Want another? Cinderella29: I'm all ears. Or eyes. Whatever. Cyrano73: Only in person. Meet me Saturday night? Cinderella73: " Phoebe: And there it is. (types) Sorry, can't. (Phoebe's assistant walks in.) Assistant: Okay, remember, just the messenger. Phoebe: Why do I have the feeling Jason Dean's name is about to be mentioned? Assistant: He had a few thoughts on your internet dating article. (She hands Phoebe a sheet of paper with red markings all over it.) And he wants the rewrite by tomorrow. Sorry. (Phoebe gets up and barges into Jason's office. Jason is there looking at a file.) Phoebe: There is nothing wrong with this! (She throws the paper on his desk. Jason doesn't look up.) Jason: Actually there is, didn't you see all the red? Phoebe: Look, this was your idea, I didn't want to write the article in the first place. Jason: And that's how it reads. Phoebe: Okay, well, just because I didn't wanna write it doesn't mean I didn't do my best. Jason: Is that so? 'Cause it's an article about online dating, yet you somehow devoted four paragraphs to this week's meteor shower. Phoebe: Well, I think meteor showers are romantic, okay, and quite frankly a lot less dangerous. Jason: Look, just because you had some bad experiences doesn't mean they're all bad. Besides, you're a reporter, you're supposed to be unbiased. Phoebe: Okay, I am an advice columnist and a very biased one, especially when it comes to romance. Jason: Oh, and you know all about romance, do you? Phoebe: Well, I know what women like. Jason: Do you now? Phoebe: Yes, we like eye contact. Hello? (Jason looks at her.) Yeah. And conversation where you can actually see the other person's lips moving, and long late night walks, and, and candles and roses... Jason: And you don't think you can get that over the internet? Phoebe: No, I don't. I think you can get CDs over the internet, books, a purse maybe, but not a date. Jason: You got any plans later? You do now. I'm taking you on assignment. Phoebe: What? Where? Why? Jason: To prove something to you. Six o'clock sharp I'll pick you up. [Scene: A Green Meadow. A dozen or so leprechauns have gathered under large trees.] Finnegan: There ain't no other option. If we stay, he'll come for us all. Leprechaun: But abandoning our realm would mean abandoning the world as well. Who'd give out the luck? Finnegan: That's the bloody world's problem if you ask me. I'm for savin' our necks. Leprechaun: There's more than just our necks at stake here. Liam: Sure, fine. But we're no good to anybody if we're dead, right? Shamus: What are we? A bunch of cowards? Don't forget, we speak not just for ourselves, but for each of our tribes as well. And I say we stay and fight the demon. Finnegan: Fight? But we've got no way to fight him, you know that, Shamus. Shamus: That ain't true. If we all pool our good luck, then we just might luck into a way to get rid of him. Finnegan: Bollocks! Luck's unwieldy. There's no predictin' what it may do. Who knows, we may end up even enragin' the demon more! Shamus: We don't have a choice. Our place in the world is at stake here, Finnegan. Our lands are being plundered and our race may be annihilated by the devil himself. But we are leprechauns. Our blood flows green and our hearts beat gold and we can cower in the shadows no longer. We must use our luck to find the light. Are ye with me, laddies? (The leprechauns cheer.) All: Aye! Aye! Aye! [Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige is there. She lays her shrunken sweater on the table and picks up a spell.] Paige: "Personal loss should not be mine, restore this sweater and make it fine." (She lights the spell and throws it in a pot. The sweater magically grows into its original size.) Ooh, I can't wait to try this on my credit rating. (Leo walks in carrying Wyatt.) Leo: You sure that's a good idea? Paige: Wyatt, you should tell your daddy to not spy on Auntie Paige. Leo: We're only here because his mother is worried about you. Should we be? Paige: No, I'm just settling a few debts, is all. Leo: By using magic? Even Wyatt knows that's breaking the rules. Paige: Listen, Wyatt wouldn't be here if you hadn't broken the rules. Leo: Okay, that was different. You know it. Paige: How? That is a stupid rule and so is the one that says I have to take a vow of poverty in order to be a full time witch. Listen, I'm not trying to get rich quick, I am just making up for my losses. Leo: Paige, please, Piper and I have enough to deal with right now without the consequences of some spell you cast. Paige: Well, listen, if you and Piper weren't so busy sniping at each other all the time, maybe you would feel differently. Leo: We weren't sniping! Nice try, change of subject. Look, Paige, there is more important things going on right now. The Elders say that good has been going through a curious string of bad luck lately and the demons are getting the upper hand. Maybe you could try working on that. Paige: I have a perfect spell for that. I just wrote it to get out of my own predicament. "To find good luck, finances have run a muck, creditors I soon must duck..." Leo: Paige, that's for personal gain. Paige: "I cast this spell to find good luck, and hope my life will cease to suck." (Paige is covered in green lights and she disappears.) Leo: (to Wyatt) Don't tell your mummy about this, okay? [Cut to the Green Meadow. Paige appears. Shamus pops up from behind a tree, giving Paige a fright.] Shamus: A witch. It's about bloody time help got here. I was beginning to think our luck wasn't working no more. Paige: Who are you? Shamus: Shamus Fitzpatrick. At your service, ma'am. Paige: Uh, what am I doing here? I was just looking for a bit of luck. Shamus: So were we. Our magic must've intercepted. And none too soon I might add. We need your help. Paige: We? Who's we? Shamus: Why, leprechauns! Paige: Huh, leprechauns. Of course, why would I think there would be anything other than leprechauns needing my help? (Suddenly, Paige flies over a tree branch and lands hard on the ground. Saleel walks over to Shamus and grabs him around the neck.) Saleel: Gotcha! Paige: Leprechaun! (Shamus orbs out and orbs back in, knocking Paige over.) Shamus: Ever date a little person? Paige: We gotta get outta here. Shamus: Allow me. (He gets up and yells out Irish words. Saleels runs for them. A rainbow appears in front of Paige and Shamus.) Hold onto your knickers, darlin'. (They step into the rainbow and the rainbow disappears, taking them with it. Saleel roars in anger.) [Cut to another part of the meadow. The rainbow appears and drops off Paige and Shamus in front of a pot of gold.] Paige: Is that...? Shamus: Me very own. Paige: Lucky you. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Shamus are there. Paige has the Book of Shadows in her lap. Shamus is holding out a gold nugget.] Shamus: It's not just gold, it's magic. Pure luck, that's what you're lookin' at. Course, it's just a spark to get them started. The rest is up to the recipient. Paige: See, leprechauns are like bees. They pollinate the world with luck. Sometimes the seeds don't stick but other times they grow into full-blown hot streaks, right? Shamus: What she said. (He clicks his fingers and his green hat appears in his hand. He puts it on his head.) Paige: See? Now can I have some luck? I think I've earned it. Phoebe: Be careful. Not all luck is good. Shamus: She's right. A nugget can go either way. Depending on our intention. Piper: So you hand out bad luck as well? Wouldn't that make you evil? (Shamus moves in a blur over to Piper.) Shamus: Watch your tongue! How'd you like it if I started sayin' witches are evil? (Leo chuckles.) Leo: Yeah, leprechauns might be tricksters but they're definitely not evil. Like it or not, the world needs bad luck. It keeps the natural order in balance. Shamus: Finally, a man with a solid head on his shoulders. Bad luck helps people just as much as good luck, maybe even more so. Because of adversity, people learn, they grow. (Phoebe's pager beeps. She looks at it.) Phoebe: Sorry, it's probably cyrano. Paige: Uh, and this must be the demon, Saleel. (Shamus moves over to Paige in a blur.) Shamus: Yep, that's the w*nk*r, alright. Paige: Eh, it says here he's just a lower level reptile demon. We can vanquish him with a potion. Piper: Great. Let's get rid of him so I can find a band. Paige: Um, I think finding a band might be easier for you, honey. It says here he's pretty elusive. Shamus: You're darn right he is. Otherwise he would've heaped a load of bad luck on him by now. As it is, we never know when he's gonna strike. Leo: It's probably what the Elders are worried about. Saleel's been stealing the leprechauns' gold nuggets and giving it to other demons. Shamus: But maybe with a little good luck, your witches can put a stop to that. Piper: No, we don't need luck. We're gonna do it our way. Shamus: Your way may not work. (He moves over to Phoebe in a blur.) Are you with us, dear? Or are you writing love notes to your boyfriend? (Piper giggles. Wyatt's cries are heard through the baby monitor. Shamus moves over to it in a blur. He picks it up.) What is this? A coven or a day care centre? Leo: I got it. Piper: Don't forget to sanitise the nipple. (Leo leaves the room.) Shamus: People, we're running out of time? Do I need to start crying like a baby to get some action around here? Piper: I'm sorry, but my little guy comes before your little guys. Shamus: Yah, well, without a little luck, my little guys aren't gonna last long, lassie. So let's try it my way. (He holds out the gold nugget.) Sl*inte is t*inte. (A gold stream of light floats into Piper.) Piper: What happened? What did you just do to me? Shamus: Why don't you find out for yourself. (The doorbell rings. Piper gets up and opens it. Pat Benatar and Neil Giraldo stands there. Piper gasps.) Piper: You're Pat Benatar. Pat: Oh, good, a fan, what a relief. This is my husband, Neil. Neil: Sorry to bother you. Our car broke down outside and our cell phone is dead. Pat: Just our luck, right? Listen, can we use your phone? We'd really owe you. (Piper looks back at Phoebe and Paige. Their jaws drop. Shamus walks in and smiles.) [Scene: The Green Meadow. Liam is hiding out in a hollow tree. He looks around cautiously. He feels the coast is clear and spots some berries hanging from a tree near by. A moves over to the berries in a blur and reaches up to grab some.] Saleel: To die for, aren't they? (Saleel walks over to Liam.) Liam: Oops, Mr. Demon, sorry, all yours. (Saleel grabs Liam around the neck.) Saleel: There was a witch in your realm. Did you little rodents run to her for help? Liam: No, I swear. All we did was pool our good luck. Saleel: Of course, and you must have lucked into a Charmed One. Which means the Power of Three will be coming for me. Well, if leprechaun luck got me into this mess, I'm quite certain it can get me out as well. Liam: Yes. Let me go and I'll show you where mine is hid. Saleel: That's okay, I know how to find it. (He squeezes Liam's neck and Liam bursts into gold dust. Saleel picks up his shillelagh.) [Scene: Manor. Parlor. Phoebe, Paige and Shamus are there. Phoebe is scrying. Shamus pokes at the rainbow mobile hanging above Wyatt's bassinet.] Shamus: Who do they think they're fooling? No one's gonna go anywhere on those things. Paige: Um, it's just something pretty for the baby to look at. Shamus: Pretty? Ya humans. The minute you see a few colours you get all excited. Rainbows aren't for looking at. If they were, they wouldn't be invisible. Phoebe: Rainbows aren't invisible, we can see them. Shamus: Aye, when it rains, maybe. But they're in the skies all the time. It's how we get around. We light them up with our shillelaghs. Paige: Ahh, is that how you find your pots of gold? Shamus: And also our realm, our home. What's left of it, anyway. (Piper walks in.) Piper: Pat Benatar is in the kitchen on the phone with her manager, rearranging her schedule so she can play at P3. Piper: I am so sorry I doubted you. (Piper leans down and gives Shamus a kiss on the cheek.) Shamus: Just like a woman. You have to give 'em a gift to get anything in return. Phoebe: Okay, this is not working, I can't find Saleel. Paige: Oh, that's just because we need something of his to make it work. Shamus: What you need is luck and lots of it. Not just the spark I can give ya, but the kind you build from, by taking risks, gettin' yourself on a serious roll. Paige: Serious roll, huh? I think I know exactly where I can get one of those. Hit me. (Shamus pulls out a nugget.) Shamus: Slainte is tainte. (A gold stream of light hits Paige.) Paige: Alright! Ready to go? Piper: Go where? Paige: Come on, sis. Piper: Come on where? (Paige orbs out with Piper.) Shamus: Hey! Hey, where's me kiss? Women. Well, how 'bout you, darlin'? Phoebe: Why not. (He pulls out another nugget.) Shamus: Slainte is tainte. (The gold stream of light hits Phoebe. The doorbell rings.) Phoebe: For me? (Shamus smiles. Phoebe gets up and heads for the foyer.) Who's it gonna be? George Clooney, Justin Timberlake? (Phoebe opens the door and Jason stands there.) Jason: You ready to go? (Phoebe closes the door.) Phoebe: That did not work. (Shamus walks in.) Shamus: Bullocks! It always works. (Jason knocks on the door. Phoebe opens it up.) Jason: So I take it you don't want to go out. Phoebe: No, you know, it's funny, I-I can't. Because my cousin came into town and he needs help with his other cousin. (Shamus steps forward.) Shamus: Oh, don't make a fuss about me. You two just go out and have good time now. Phoebe: But I really have to stay here and help you with your problems. Jason: You two are cousins? Phoebe: Yes, we are very distant cousins. And it's about to get a lot more distant if you don't let me handle this situation. Shamus: Well, I would let you handle it, if you weren't handling it all wrong. You need to go take some risks and leave the rest up to luck. Jason: Look, I don't want to get in between family stuff but it seems as if your cousin has got it all under control. So let's go. Shamus: Oh, good idea. (Shamus pushes Phoebe out the door and he closes it. Pat and Neil walk in the foyer.) Pat: Where's Piper? Shamus: Oh, she had to go, but she'll be back. Neil: Say, how've you been, Shamus? Long time. Shamus: Don't even try it, Neil. I already hit you with me best shot. That's all ye get. [Cut to a Casino. Piper and Paige are standing at the end of a craps table. The crowd around the table cheers. The croupier pushes piles of chips over to Piper and Paige.] Piper: Paige, there must be $50,000 dollars there. Paige: Sixty's more like it, but Shamus said to take big risks. Here we have the craps table, we've got slots, we've got the big wheel thingy, we can't lose. Piper: Okay, maybe we should think about quitting while we're ahead. Cowboy: Quittin'? You girls can't quit. We're in the middle of a streak here. Croupier: Alright, same lucky shooter, same lucky shooter comin'. High roll. Paige: Piper, I can not ignore a cowboy. Besides, I feel something really big is about to happen, we just have to hold on and wait for it. (Paige picks up the dice.) Alright, come on now, baby needs a new pair of shoes, and by baby I do mean me. (She throws the dice. Everyone cheers.) Cowboy: Will you marry me? Because that's how much I love you now. (Paige giggles.) Piper: Simmer down, buckeroo. Look, I've gotta get back to the actual baby, and we need to be using this winning streak to find Saleel. Paige: Just one more roll. Piper: Okay, fine, but we are not betting it all, 'cause I can send Wyatt to college with this. Paige: Listen, the bigger risks we take, the more luck we have. Just watch this. (Paige throws the dice. Everyone groans.) Croupier: Two-crap deuce, snake eyes. Paige: Where did our luck go? Piper: Snake eyes, that's it. That's what we've been waiting for. Paige: No, but we lost everything. Piper: No, we didn't. I just figured out a way to find the demon. (The cowboy gives her a look.) Stration. Demonstration. She knows what I mean. Come on. [Scene: Serendipity Lounge. Couples fill the room, cuddling and kissing. Phoebe and Jason walk in.] Phoebe: Okay, what are we doing here? Because I really need to get home. Jason: This shouldn't take very long. But then again, you're pretty stubborn, so maybe it will. Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute, I am stubborn? I am stubborn? Then what are you? Jason: Stubborn, and a control freak. And pretty arrogant sometimes. Phoebe: You really know how to take the fun out of a fight now, don't you? Jason: Look around, tell me what you see. Phoebe: What don't you tell me what you want me to see. (He stares at her.) Okay, fine. (She looks around.) I see lots of couples and they're kissing and drinking and dancing. What I don't see is the point. Oh, hey, get a room. Look, this is exactly my point, love doesn't bloom through modems and hard drives. And no, that is not a euphemism. Jason: What if I told you all these people met over the internet? Phoebe: Right. Like you would have any way of knowing that. Jason: I would if I had, say, started an sold an online dating service a few years ago, maybe established an evening one night a week for people to get together and meet in a safe environment like this. Phoebe: Wait, so you brought all these couples together? Jason: They brought themselves together. My company just made it a little easier for them. It's a complicated world, Phoebe. People have a hard time finding each other in it. And even when they do, they sometimes don't act on their feelings because they're too afraid. Phoebe: Yeah, tell me about it. Jason: I admit, online dating isn't perfect, there are people who use it for all the wrong reasons, but most people are just looking for love, just like the rest of us. Phoebe: Like the rest of us? Jason: You need to get started on that rewrite. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Paige and Shamus are there. Piper puts a pair of snake eyes on a dish.] Shamus: Snake eyes? So what? I don't get it. Paige: Well, Saleel is a reptile demon, so we can use them to scry for him. Piper: See, I told you it was good luck. (Piper puts the snake eyes in a boiling pot and it makes a small explosion.) Paige: I guess, but couldn't snake eyes have been a winning roll too? Shamus: You really want it all, doncha? Well, even luck doesn't bring you everything on a silver platter. You have to work for some things too. (Phoebe walks in. Piper starts scrying.) Phoebe: Hey, did you find the demon? Paige: Well, the vanquishing potion is done so we're almost there. Phoebe: Where's Leo? Piper: Passed out with the baby. Poor guy, he's more worn out than I am. Shamus: (to Phoebe) So how'd you do? You must have developed quite a streak by now. Paige: Yeah, did you win the lottery? Ed McMahon show up at your house with a big ol' cheque? Phoebe: Actually, no. Nothing happened. Shamus: What? That's impossible. Did you take any risks? Get lucky with that fella? Piper: What fella? Phoebe: Ugh, I think he's talking about Jason. And no I did not get lucky. Not that I would want to, anyway. Shamus: Mmm, the burned child dreads the fire, ay? Phoebe: No! (The crystal points to a spot on the map.) Piper: People, we just got lucky. [Cut to the Rock Cave. It's dark. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Shamus orb in.] Paige: Ha, maybe it took snake eyes a bit too literally. Piper: That would be bad luck, right? (Saleel walks out of the shadows, holding a pot full of gold. Saleel: No, this is. (He chants something in Irish. A shower of gold light hits the girls.) Shamus: Oh, no, he's soured your luck. Hurry, throw the potion. (Phoebe is about to throw the potion when a lightning bolt zaps them. They fall down some stone steps.) Saleel: Now what are the odds of that? Shamus: Don't worry, I'll fix this. (He chants in Irish. Saleel grabs him around neck.) Saleel: Not so fast, little man. That's my rainbow now. (He squeezes Shamus and Shamus bursts into gold dust. Saleel steps in the rainbow and it takes him away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe, Paige and Leo walk in.] Paige: Charmed Ones, my ass! We couldn't even save one leprechaun let alone all of them. Phoebe: It wasn't for lack of trying, Paige. Paige: Yeah, well, still, Saleel is a low level demon, you know, we had luck on our side, we had magic, we should've been... Aah! (Paige trips on the rug and falls flat on her face.) Ouch. Leo: Are you alright? Phoebe: Are you okay? Paige: No, I am not alright. I was supposed to help Shamus and instead I got him killed. Phoebe: Paige, we were struck by lightning, we could have never seen that coming. (Paige stands back up.) Paige: How am I supposed to help them when even mother nature's against us? (Piper walks in carrying Wyatt and talking on the phone.) Piper: Okay, well, I can't get there right now, so you're gonna have to handle it yourself. Call an electrician. (Paige sits on the couch and the couch bumps the table behind her, knocking over a cup of coffee, which spills on a power cord.) There's a power failure at the club, they've shut down for the night. Do you have any idea how much money we're about to lose? (The circuit box in the attic sparks, causing light bulbs to explode.) Phoebe: What the hell is happening? Paige: Seems like a bad luck streak and it's picking up steam. Leo: Well, it can't get much worse than being struck by lightning. Phoebe: No? How about being hit my a meteor? Piper: Take Wyatt out of here. Leo: But, I... (She hands Wyatt to Leo.) Piper: No, no arguing. Just orb, okay? You were the only one that wasn't cursed with the bad luck. He's safe with you. Leo: Alright, well, I'll take him to Uncle Elders. He'll be safe there. Phoebe: Didn't they ask you not to do that? Leo: Yeah, but... screw 'em. (He orbs out.) Piper: Alright, we're gonna have to turn our luck around fast. Paige, can you use that spell of yours to find more leprechauns? Paige: No, they pooled their luck just to make it work. I wish we knew how to get this thing to make a rainbow. Piper: Okay, well, since we can't do that, we're gonna have to turn our luck around the old fashioned way. A little determination, some positive thinking, a little faith. (Suddenly, the chandelier comes crashing down from the roof.) Phoebe: As you were saying? [Scene: The Rock Cave. Saleel is there, holding another pot of gold. He waves his hand and Jayda and Jenna appear.] Jayda: What are you doing? How dare you summon us. Saleel: It's time to pay your debt to me. I need you to kill the Charmed Ones, get them off my back so I can go after more leprechauns. Jayda: You're crazy. Jenna: Wait, let's hear him out. Saleel: I've cursed the witches with bad luck which means they're vulnerable now. They should be easy pickings for you. Jayda: If that's the case, why don't you take them out yourself? Saleel: Because they'll be ready for me. But they won't be ready for you. Plus, I can guarantee that luck will be on your side. [Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Piper's potion is on fire. Piper walks out of the laundry carrying a fire extinguisher.] Piper: I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. (The nozzle falls off the extinguisher.) Aahh! Okay. (She squeezes the handle and the extinguisher sprays out sideways, missing the pot completely.) Uh-oh. (She presses the handle and swings the extinguisher around, hoping the spray eventually hits the pot. She knocks some plates of the table. The spray hits the pot and puts out the fire. Paige walks in and coughs.) Paige: Vanquishing potion done? Piper: Well done. Paige: What happened? Piper: Big fire. Did you find anything? Paige: Yeah, I went rummaging through stuff and I found our rabbit's foot, wishbone, horseshoe, four-leaf clover, here's some salt for that over the shoulder thing and, uh, coup de grace, charm bracelet. Piper: Lucky charms, Paige? Paige: It ain't the cereal but it's the best I could do. Piper: What about... (They hear a thump.) Phoebe: Whoa! Piper: Phoebe. [Cut to the stairway. Phoebe is sitting on the ground. Piper and Paige walk in.] Phoebe: Ow. Piper: Oh, what happened? Phoebe: Owwww. Piper: Are you okay? (Piper and Paige help her up.) Phoebe: No, my bruises have bruises. I missed a step because I was trying to read my page. Piper: Walk it off, walk it off. Paige: Way to go, cyrano73. Phoebe: "I thought I'd try again. How about Saturday night?" He is asking me out again. Paige: Well, if you're gonna do it, I would go with Saturday, seeing as how we'll probably be dead by then. Phoebe: Wait a minute, maybe I should say yes. Piper: Oh, Phoebe, this is not the time to be... Phoebe: Uh, it might exactly be the time. Maybe this was the risk Shamus was talking about. Piper: Uh, accepting a date with a guy that you click with. That's not necessarily a giant risk. Phoebe: Well, for me it is. Paige: How do you know for sure he's not another demon? Phoebe: I don't know. Therein lies the risk. Okay. Y, E, S. And enter. Oh, yeah, I feel luckier already. (Jayda and Janna smoke in on the stairs.) Paige: Or not. (Piper turns around and tries to blow them up but blows up part of the railing. The railing falls and hits Piper on the head, knocking her out. Janna falls down a couple of stairs from the explosion. Janna throws an energy ball at them and Phoebe throws her pager at it, disintegrating it. Jayda throws an energy ball.) Energy ball! (The energy ball orbs into Paige's hand and she throws it at Janna, vanquishing her.) Jayda: Noooo! (Jayda smokes out and smokes back in beside Piper. She smokes back out taking Piper with her. Phoebe gasps.) Paige: Piper! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Rock Cave. Piper, Saleel and Jayda are there. Piper is tied to a tree, still unconscious.] Saleel: One witch. Quick quiz, how many should I have? Jayda: Three. Saleel: Zero! They should all be dead, I never asked for prisoners. Jayda: You miscalculated. The others found a way to turn their luck around and Jenna died because of it. Saleel: Am I supposed to care about that? Jayda: We'll use this witch to lure the others. You still have more gold. We can make ourselves enough good luck to make them pay for what they've done. Saleel: I have a better idea. (He grabs her around the neck.) I'll just do it myself. (He squeezes her neck and she bursts into flames, vanquishing her.) [Cut to the manor. Attic. Phoebe is there scrying. Paige walks in.] Phoebe: She's at his lair and still alive, thank god. Paige: Good, we should call Leo. Phoebe: No, we've gotta keep the baby out of danger. Paige: But Saleel's got luck on his side, we've got nothing. Phoebe: No, that's not true, I think we've turned the tide. Paige: How do you figure? Phoebe: Paige, if we could just turn our luck into a streak, then we can do this. Paige: Okay, we've got a few charms and he's got who knows how much gold. It's just not gonna cut it. Unless, we combine our own magic with it. (She hands something to Phoebe.) Take that. (She picks up a salt shaker and throws salt over Phoebe's shoulders.) Phoebe: What are you doing? (Paige picks up Shamus's shillelagh.) Paige: I am gonna help you make this thing work so maybe you can get a vision off of it. You know, maybe you can see Shamus using it. Phoebe: But I can't always get them on command. Sometimes it's just... Paige: Yeah, I-I know, luck. Just try. Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe takes the shillelagh and gasps.) Paige: Come on... Phoebe: I can see him, I can see him. Paige: Come on. Phoebe: Goneiri umbohli aht. (A rainbow appears in the room.) Paige: Far out, lady. [Scene: The Green Meadow. The remaining leprechauns have gathered together.] Finnegan: Either we leave right now and try to save what's left of us, or we stay and die like the rest. Leprechaun: Tell your tribes to take only what they need. We leave at dusk. (A rainbow appears in front of them and drops off Phoebe and Paige.) Paige: It worked. Leprechaun: Witches! What are you doing here? Paige: We're here because we need your help to save our sister. Phoebe: And to save you. Finnegan: Right, sure, just like you saved Shamus. Hurry, laddies. Paige: No, wait, please, you're stronger than that. Shamus knew it and so do I. Finnegan: Shamus Fitzpatrick was a fool. And look where it got him. Leprechauns: Aye! Paige: He was not a fool. He gave up his life because he believed saving you was worth the ultimate price. Shamus was a hero. He didn't see leprechauns, he saw giants. And he didn't see luck, he saw power. Please, you pooled you luck once before, do it again. Not for us, but for him. For Shamus. Phoebe: For Shamus. Leprechaun: For Shamus! All: For Shamus! For Shamus! For Shamus! For Shamus! [Scene: Rock Cave. Piper is still tied to a tree. She is now awake. A snake crawls along the branch above Piper.] Piper: Hi, okay, hi, shoo, go away. See, I don't like snakes, at all. Go away, shoo! (Paige orbs in with Phoebe.) What are you guys doing? It's a trap. Paige: Yeah, we know. Phoebe: Piper. (They rush over to her. Saleel walks in.) Paige: (to the snake) Go! Go away! Saleel: The Charmed Ones. It's about time you got here. Phoebe: Yeah, well, we had to make a little pit stop somewhere over the rainbow. Saleel: What is that supposed to mean? (A rainbow appears and drops off a leprechaun.) A leprechaun, please. (Another rainbow appears and drops off three leprechauns. A third rainbow appears and drops off four more leprechauns.) Leprechaun: Now, laddies! (The leprechauns chant something in Irish. Streams of glittery gold light hits Saleel. Saleel looks up and sees a large meteor falling from the sky. ) Saleel: Noooo! (The meteor hits Saleel.) Paige: Huh, a meteor. That's some real bad luck. Piper: Still tied up here, people. (Phoebe unties Piper. Paige walks over to Leprechaun and holds out Shamus's shillelagh.) Paige: Here, I think this belongs to you. Leprechaun: Actually, darlin', I think Shamus would want you to keep it. For all you've done for us, for saving our kind. Paige: Ah, you guys kind of did that yourselves, so it was your luck after all. Leprechaun: Aye, it was your fighting spirit that sparked it, the same fighting spirit Shamus had. Paige: I wish I could accept that compliment but I was just looking to be reimbursed to tell you the truth. I felt like magic owed me. Leprechaun: And you still feel that way? Paige: No, I don't. Leprechaun: Doesn't matter what brings a person, only what they leave with. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Night. The place is really busy. Piper is at the bar. Leo walks over to her.] Leo: Hey. Piper: Leo, what are you doing here? Who's watching Wyatt? Leo: I asked Paige to, I thought maybe you and I could spend some time together alone. Piper: Oh, sounds great but it's a little crazy in here. Leo: I can see that. Pat Benatar definitely brings in a crowd, huh? Piper: Yeah, at least I'll go out with a bang. Leo: What do you mean? Piper: Uh, well, I've been thinking and I've decided that I want to sell the club. Not because I want to but I feel like I have to. I mean, being a mother slash Charmed One slash business woman is just one slash way too many. Something's gotta give. Leo: This club is your baby too, Piper, you can't give it up. Piper: Well, I don't really feel like I have a choice. I mean, I've been stretched pretty thin lately and I think we're both feeling the strain. Leo: Yeah, I know, it's why I asked the Elders for paternity leave. Piper: Huh? Leo: It's obviously never been done before but they spent time with Wyatt and realised how important he is and decided to break the rules for him. Piper: Well, that's weird. What happens to all your other charges? You do have a career too. Leo: Well, they'll temporarily reassign them. Except for you guys. As for my career, it's not as important to me as we are. Piper: Honey, I don't think I can let you do this. Leo: Piper, it's one thing I don't want to worry about, okay? (They hug.) Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Pat Benatar. (Everyone cheers. Pat Benatar starts singing.) [Scene: Serendipity Lounge. Phoebe, all dressed up, walks in. Jason stands behind her.] Jason: Here on business? (Phoebe turns around and smiles.) Phoebe: Actually, no, I'm not. What are you doing here? Jason: I'm meeting someone. Phoebe: Really? Weird, me too. Jason: I know. You're meeting me. Phoebe: I don't understand. Jason: I'm cyrano73. In the flesh, so to speak. (Phoebe starts to walk away.) Wait, Phoebe, let me explain. Phoebe: Okay, sure, go ahead. Give it your best shot. Jason: I just knew you'd never go out with me if I asked you straight, right? Right? Phoebe: Right. Jason: So I had to find a way to see if you were interested in me without putting any pressure on you. I like you, Phoebe. I liked you the minute I laid eyes on you. And I know you like me... or at least the part of me that brought you here, otherwise you wouldn't have come. Phoebe: Jason, I don't know... Jason: I'm not asking you to marry me. I just wanna buy you a drink. Come on, what have you got to lose? Phoebe: Ooh, I don't know, my job maybe? Jason: That would never happen. Hey, you want cyrano to disappear? He's-he's gone, I promise, just say the word. Phoebe: Martini, dirty. (He hands her a rose and they smile.)
Plan: A: Leprechauns; Q: What are being killed by a demon looking to use their luck to aid other demons? A: power; Q: What do demons want to gain in the Underworld? A: a target; Q: What do the Leprechauns realize is on their backs? A: the remaining Leprechauns; Q: Who grants the Charmed Ones good luck? A: the Charmed Ones good luck; Q: What do the Leprechauns grant to try to stay alive? Summary: After Leprechauns are being killed by a demon looking to use their luck to aid other demons in gaining power in the Underworld. Realizing that there's a target on their backs, the remaining Leprechauns grant the Charmed Ones good luck, in an attempt to vanquish the demon and stay alive.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is reading What to Expect When You're Expecting as Rachel enters from her bedroom.] Joey: Hey Rach listen, did you know that during pregnancy your fingers swell up to twice their size and never go back. Rachel: (looking at her fingers) Oh my...God! Let me see that! (Grabs the book from him.) Joey: (laughing) You fall for it every time! Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Rachel: Hi! Phoebe: I brought you my old maternity clothes! (Sets a bag on the counter.) Rachel: Oh Pheebs that's so sweet-(Grabs a pair of pants)-Ooh, those are so cute! Phoebe: Yeah! And look, (Grabs the pants) see how they expand as the baby grows? (There's a stretchy part in front.) And then after the baby's born, they're great for shoplifting melons. Monica: (entering) Oh good you're all here. Thanksgiving tomorrow, four o'clock. (To Rachel) Oh, guess who I invited. Remember that guy Will Colbert from high school? Rachel: No. Monica: He was in Ross's class...marching band...kinda overweight? Well, really overweight. I mean I was his thin friend. Rachel: Wow! I don't remember him. Honey, are you sure you're not talking about your imaginary boyfriend. Monica: No that was Jarred! Wow! I haven't thought about him in a long time... (Stares off into the distance lost in thought.) (Pause) Anyway, umm Will's, Will's here on business and he didn't have a place to go so I invited him here. Rachel: Oh that's nice. Monica: Oh, and by the way, he's lost a bunch of weight. I mean he looks goo-ood! Okay, I mean really, really gorgeous! (Joey clears his throat.) I still love Chandler. Joey: I just want you to say it once in a while. Monica: All right okay, just so you know, I'm not gonna make a turkey this year. Joey: What?! Monica: Well Phoebe doesn't eat turkey... Joey: Phoebe! Phoebe: Turkey's are beautiful, intelligent animals! Joey: No they're not! They're ugly and stupid and delicious! Monica: All right! Okay, it's just Phoebe. Will's still on a diet, Chandler doesn't eat Thanksgiving food, and Rachel's having her aversion to poultry. Joey: She is? Rachel: Remember I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken? Joey: Yeah. But I thought that was because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table. Monica: Anyway, it just doesn't seem worth it to make a whole turkey for just three people. Okay? It's a lot of work. Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! I mean, Thanksgiving with no turkey is like-like Fourth of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas! Monica: All right fine! If it means that much to you! But just-there's gonna be a ton left over. Joey: No there won't! I promise I will finish that turkey! Monica: All right, you're telling me you can eat an entire turkey in just one sitting? Joey: That's right! 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani! (To Rachel) And this is what we do! I mean we may not be great thinkers or world leaders, we don't read a lot or run very fast, but damnit! We can eat! Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching football, and it's actually the right game Green Bay at Detroit (although not this year's), as Monica is getting everything ready.] Monica: Hey, isn't weird to think about how next year at this time they'll be a little baby at the table? (Chandler turns around in horror.) (Seeing him) Rachel's! But good to know where you're at! Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Monica: Hey! Phoebe: Happy Thanksgiving! Monica: You too! Phoebe: Anything I can do to help? Monica: Actually there is. Chandler usually helps me with this, but he's really into the game so I don't want to bother him. Could you help me fold these napkins? (Hands her a stack of them.) Phoebe: Sure! Monica: I'm gonna go across the hall to check on the yams. Phoebe: Okay. (She starts folding the napkins in half.) Monica: No! No! No! No sweetie! No! Not like that! We're not at a barn dance. You've gotta-you wanna fold them like swans. Like I showed you at Christmas time, remember? Phoebe: Yeah, it all just came screaming back to me. (Monica exits.) (To Chandler) So how's the game? Chandler: I have no idea. Phoebe: What? Chandler: Yeah! I'm just pretending to watch the game so I don't have to help out with stuff. Phoebe: I don't believe you! That is...brilliant! And Monica has no idea? Chandler: Nope! Every once and a while I just scream stuff at the TV. (Monica enters and Chandler screams stuff at the TV.) Monica: Is your team winning hon? Chandler: Yeah! Anderson just scored again! (To Phoebe) There's no Anderson. Phoebe: Well I want to get in on this. Hey Mon? I don't think I can help you after all, I didn't realize this game was on. Monica: Oh, I didn't know you liked football. Phoebe: Well normally I don't, but y'know...(looks at the TV)...Green Bay is playing. Monica: You like Green Bay? Phoebe: Well it's only like my favorite bay! {Actually, it's not bad. It just gets a little cold in winter, but in Wisconsin winter only lasts from August to June. J } (Phoebe joins Chandler on the couch as there is a knock on the door which Monica answers.) Monica: Hey! Will: Hey! (Oh, I should point out that the live studio audience at this point goes absolutely wild. And I had absolutely no idea that this Will character was that popular! Maybe they should make him the seventh friend. Which would work out just fine since he's already married to one of them. Will is played by some guy named Brad Pitt, I guess he's some sort of actor.) Will: Happy Thanksgiving! Monica: Aww thanks! God Will I'm so glad that you came! You look great! You must've lost like... Will: 150 pounds. Yeah, I'm gonna be in one of those Subway sandwich commercials. Monica: A pie! (Will brought a pie.) Will: Oh right. All right, it's no fat, it's no sugar, it's no dairy...it's no good. Throw it out. Monica: You wanna meet some people? This is uh; this is my husband Chandler. Chandler, this is Will. Will: Hey. Chandler: Oh hey. I'd shake your hand but uh; I'm really into the game. Plus, I think it'd be better for my ego if we didn't stand right next to each other. Monica: This is Phoebe. Phoebe: (nonchalantly glancing) Hey. (Turns back around.) Wow! (Looks up.) Well done. Monica: (to Will) Wanna give me a hand? Will: Sure! Monica, I can't get over how great you look! You look stunning! Monica: Well you look incredible too! You're just-you're so fit! Chandler: I'm watching the game, but I'm not deaf! Monica: Oh umm, I meant to tell you, Ross is coming. Will: Ross is coming. Great! I love Ross! Monica: Good. And Rachel Green too. (Will stops suddenly.) Will: Oh. Monica: Is there a problem? Will: Nope. Uh, it's okay. It's just uh, God I hated her. Monica: What? Will: Yeah, I hated her. She was horrible to me in high school. But hey, it was a long time ago, I'm in a good place, it might be actually fun to see her again. You got any cakes or cookies or something? (Starts looking.) No Will no! Chandler: (To Phoebe) Y'know, it's been a while since we've screamed something. Maybe we should. Phoebe: Oh okay. Chandler: Oh come on! Phoebe: Noooo!! Damn you ref! You burn in hell!!! (Joey enters eating potato chips.) Monica: Hey, what are you doing? You gotta save room, you've got almost an entire turkey to eat. Joey: Let me explain to you how the human body works. I have to warm my stomach first. Eatin' chips is like stretching. Monica: All right. Joey: Don't worry, Tribbianis never get full. Will: I actually know what you're talking about. I'm here to tell you something my friend, you can eat and eat and eat but nothing will ever fill that void. Joey: (To Monica) Who the hell is this guy? Monica: Will! From high school. Joey: Oh hey! Monica: (to Will) Joey. Will: Hello. Ross: (entering) Will! Will: Ross! Ross: Hey-hey you came! Man you look incredible! Hot stuff! (They hug and Ross realizes what he said.) Hot stuff? Will: It's good to see you man. Ross: Yeah, you too. Man, so-so what are you up to? Will: I'm a commodities broker. Ross: Really? Yeah that-that sounds interesting. Will: Yeah, it's not. But I'm rich and thin. Ross: Oh! Man I don't think I've seen you since uh, Lance Davis' graduation party. Will: That was such a fun night! Ross: Yeah. It would've been good if we had gotten in, but still real fun. Will: Yeah. Ross: Yeah. Will: God we were lame back then. Do you remember how into dinosaurs we were? Ross: (laughs) Yeah. Will: So what do you, what do you do now? Ross: So how long are you in town? Rachel: (entering, carrying a baking dish) Hi! Monica: Hey sweetie. Oh good. (Takes the baking dish from her.) Will: (glaring at Rachel) Rachel Green. Ross: Aw-oh, that's right. Are-are you gonna be okay? Will: Oh, I'll-I'll be fine. Just God I hate her Ross! I hate her! Ross: Will, high school was-was a long time ago. Will: Look at her standing there with those yams! My two greatest enemies Ross: Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates. Rachel: (sees Will) Oh my God Monica, who is that? Monica: That's Will from high school! Rachel: Oh! I do not remember him! Wow! He's really got that sexy, smoldering thing going on. (We see Will angrily staring at Rachel.) Oh my God, he's... Look at the way he's just staring at me. I think he's trying to mouth something to me, but I can't make it out. (Will mouths, "I hate you.") Monica: Okay, dinner's ready! Chandler: Good game! Phoebe: Yeah. Chandler: Yeah. Solid effort. Solid effort. Monica: Oh, so who won? Phoebe: (simultaneously) Green Bay. Chandler: (simultaneously) Detroit. Monica: What? Phoebe: Well the Lions technically won, but it was a moral victory for the Green Bay...Mermen. (They sit down at the table and Will goes to talk to Rachel.) Rachel: Hi! Will, right? Will: Right. Rachel: Hi! I'm Rachel Green. Will: Oh I-I remember you. Rachel: Really?! Aren't you sweet! I gotta tell you though, I am, I am having the hardest time placing you. Oh-oh hang on! Did we umm, did we fool around at Lance Davis' graduation party? Will: You are unbelievable. Rachel: Thank you! Monica: (breaking it up) Uh Rachel? Rachel, why don't you sit here? (Next to Joey) And Will you sit way over there. (The other side of the table.) (Monica sets something on the table and removes the cover. It kinda looks like turkey.) Joey: That's it?! Even if nobody helps me I can eat that no problem. At least give me a challenge! Monica: (laughs) This is Chandler's chicken. This is the turkey. (Sets down a huge turkey.) Joey: (quietly) Oh. How-how big is that? Monica: About nineteen pounds. Joey: (To Rachel) It's like me when I was born. Rachel: All right, who would uh, like some yams? Will? Will: Oh, you'd like that wouldn't ya? Rachel: What? (Joey starts offering Ross some turkey.) Oh y'know what? Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey and everything on the other side of the table? The smell is just yuck! Will: (sneeze talks) Typical. Rachel: I'm sorry. What? Will: I said it was typical. Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel does whatever she wants in little Rachel land. (Does a fake hair flip.) Joey: (To Monica) Seriously, who is this guy? Rachel: Umm, I'm sorry. Do you-do you have a problem with me? Will: I don't know? Do I? Do I? Phoebe: I think you do. Monica: (To Rachel) Apparently you were umm, a little mean to him in high school. Will: A little mean? You made my life miserable! Rachel: I'm-I'm-I had no idea. I'm sorry. I... Will: Well you should be. Screw it! Bring on the yams! Monica: Oh Will. But you-you've worked so hard... Will: Yams!!!! Monica: Okay. (Chandler grabs the dish from Monica and hands it to Will who starts dishing out a large helping.) Rachel: Uh Will umm, I just want to say that I'm real sorry for whatever I-I did to you in high school... Will: Oh, it wasn't just me. We had a club! Rachel: You had a club?! Will: That's right, The I Hate Rachel Green Club! Rachel: Whoa! My God! So what, you all just joined together to hate me?! Who else was in this club? Will: Me and Ross. (Points at Ross.) Ross: No need to point, she knows who Ross is. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.] Rachel: (To Ross) So you were in an I Hate Rachel club? Will: Yes he was. (Holds up his hand for a high-five.) Ross: No. No. Rachel: So who else was in this club? Ross: Uh actually, there-there was also that exchange student from Thailand but I-I don't think he-he knew what it was. Rachel: So Ross, we went out for two years, and you never told me you were in an I Hate Rachel club. Will: You went out with her?! We had a pact! Ross: That was in high school! It's not like it was binding forever. Will: Then why did it have the word eternity in it? Rachel: Okay Monica, did you know about this?! Monica: I swear I didn't. (To Ross and Will) Hey! Is that why you guys used to go up to your bedroom and lock the door? Ross and Will: Yeah. Monica: Hmm, a little relieved, I gotta say. Ross: Look Rach I-I'm sorry, okay? I...I was a stupid kid, okay? The only reason I joined... Will: Co-founded! Ross: ...co-founded. Co-founded the club was because I was insanely in love with you. Obviously I didn't handle it very well. But if you think about it the I Hate Rachel Club was really the I Love Rachel Club. Will: Uh, except that it was really the I Hate Rachel Club. Rachel: Okay. So what? You guys would just like get together and like just say mean things about me? Will: Well, we did a little more than that. Ross: No-no! No-no. No-no. Phoebe: What?! What else did you do? Will: We started a rumor. Rachel: What rumor? Phoebe: Oh, come on Will! Just take off your shirt and tell us! Rachel: Ross! Ross: It was no big deal. We-we...said that the rumor was...that umm...you had both...male and female reproductive parts. Rachel: What?! Will: That's right! We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a pen1s. Rachel: (shocked) Oh my God! Monica: You started that?! Rachel: What?! You heard that?! (Goes and stands behind Joey.) Monica: Everyone at our school heard it! Chandler: Everybody at my school heard it! You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?! Rachel: Oh no!!!! Oh my God!! This is all making so much sense to me now! This is why Adam Carter wouldn't go out with me! This is why Billy Tratt would just stay in this region! (Motions to her breasts.) (Joey has turned around.) Ross: Actually, Billy Tratt is gay now. So-so that one's not really our fault. Rachel: Monica, how come you never told me this?! Monica: I thought it might be true. And I was afraid that you were gonna cry and then show it to me. (Joey is now looking at Rachel, and since Rachel's standing and he's sitting down and he's not looking at her face... You get the picture.) Rachel: Joey stop staring! There's nothing there! It's not true! Joey: I'm afraid I'm gonna need proof. Rachel: Oh! (Hits him and storms out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Time Lapse, dinner has ended for everyone except Joey who looks like to have finished the turkey, until he turns the plate around and reveals he only ate one side.] Joey: You are my Everest. Monica: Joey, you don't have to finish that. Joey: Oh yes I do. Otherwise what's next? Today I'm just a guy who can't finish a turkey, but tomorrow I'm the guy who eats half a Powerbar, wraps up the rest, and puts in the fridge? No! No, I just...I just-I gotta change my pants. (Gets up and heads for the door.) Jeans have no give. (Exits.) Rachel: (entering carrying a book) Okay! Okay! Listen to what Sean McMahon wrote in my yearbook senior year, "Dear Rach, you're such a good person." Not girl! Person! Ross: Rach, I think you're reading a little too much into it. Rachel: (reading what he wrote again) "Dear Rach, you're a great person. Sorry about your tiney-wienie." (Will laughs.) Ross: Look, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to call everyone in the entire school and tell them it wasn't true?! Rachel: Yes! Will: Could you also tell them I'm skinny now? Monica: Oh! Me too! Ross: Well look-look I'm not calling anybody! Okay? It was like a million years ago! Rachel: I don't care how long ago it was! You told people that I was half and half! Y'know what? I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school. Monica: That's not totally true. Rachel: What? Ross: What? Monica: Well you-you did start that rumor about Ross making out with Mrs. Altman, our 50-year-old librarian. Ross: (shocked) (To Rachel) How did you know that?!!!! Monica: It's true?!! Ross: No. Rachel: Yes it is! I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog! (Ross is at a loss for words.) Will: Mrs. Altman? She also made out with Takaka Ci-Kek the night before he went back to Thailand. Chandler: I'm sorry. When you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman? Ross: Hey! She didn't look 50! Chandler: Did she look 16? Rachel: Ohh, there's a picture of her in the yearbook actually. Phoebe: Oh! (They all look.) Wow! Ross: She didn't photograph well! Chandler: Well, she probably wasn't familiar with the process having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings! Phoebe: So how did this happen? Did she, did she lure you to an early bird dinner? Ross: I was working late in the library one afternoon. It was just the two of us. She needed some help with her word jumble. And one thing led to another. If you must know, Anita was very gentle and tender. May she rest in peace... Monica: Didn't she walk with a cane? Ross: Only when it was damp!! (To Rachel) I can't believe you-you told people about this?! Everybody knew?! Y'know what? (To Will) I'm back in the club! Will: Yeah! (They high-five.) Phoebe: I wanna join! Rachel: Wh-Phoebe!! Phoebe: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I never got to be in a club. I-I didn't go to high school, but three of us would meet behind a dumpster to learn French. Bonjour. Rachel: All right, y'know-Fine! You guys have your stupid little club, but I would just like to say is what you did to me is way worse than what I did to you! You gave me a tiney-wienie! (Will laughs.) Monica: All right, listen you're just being silly. Rachel, even with that rumor you were one of the most popular girls in school and everyone wanted to be like you. One girl wanted to be like you so much she stuffed her pants with a Tootsie Roll! Rachel: Wow... Monica: And Ross, if it weren't for Rachel's rumor I mean no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map! Ross: As a romancer of the elderly. Monica: Hey! Mrs. Altman was the kind of woman you could tell she used to be pretty. Ross: The eyes...did still sparkle. Monica: Hey guys this stuff is just so way in the past. You-you've been through so much since then. And right now you've got so much more important stuff going on in your life. Can't you just let this go? Rachel: She's right. Ross: Yeah. I mean we are having a baby together. Will: Hold on! You got her pregnant? Ross: Yeah. Will: Are ya getting married? Ross: Nope. Will: So you knocked her up but you're not gonna marry her. Dude! (Wants another high-five and Ross ignores him.) Anybody? Phoebe: Okay. (Goes over and hugs him.) It's exactly how I'd imagined it would be. Joey: (entering, wearing the maternity pants from earlier) All right where's that turkey! Phoebe: Joey! Those are my maternity pants! Joey: Not now! These are my Thanksgiving pants! Closing Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Will has left and the rest of the gang is watching Joey finish the turkey.] Joey: Well that's it. I'm done. Whew! (Wipes his forehead.) There come the meat sweats. (Chandler hands him a towel and he wipes his face.) Monica: Well Joey, we're all...we're all very proud of you. Chandler: Yes, I believe we can expect a call from the President any moment now. Phoebe: Is there anything we can do for you? Joey: No just, nobody press on my stomach. Rachel: You can keep those pants by the way. (Joey notices Monica has gotten a pie.) Joey: Whoa-hey-wh-wh-what do you got there? What is that? Pie? Monica: Yeah, you want some? Joey: Ah, just cut me a little sliver. (Monica prepares to cut a little sliver.) A little bigger. (Monica prepares to cut a bigger piece.) Little bigger. (Monica moves the knife again.) What?! Are you afraid you're gonna run out?! Cut me a real piece!
Plan: A: Will; Q: What is the name of the high school friend Monica invites to Thanksgiving dinner? A: Brad Pitt; Q: Who is Will? A: Rachel; Q: Who finds out that Ross and Will started a rumor about her having both male and female "reproductive parts"? A: Joey; Q: Who tries to protect the Tribbiani "family legacy" by eating an entire turkey? A: a game; Q: What do Chandler and Phoebe watch to avoid helping Monica with the dinner clean up? Summary: Monica invites a high school friend, Will ( Brad Pitt ) to her Thanksgiving dinner. Rachel finds out that Ross and Will (who was fat and is now slim and gorgeous) started a rumor during their senior year about Rachel having both male and female "reproductive parts". Joey tries protecting the Tribbiani "family legacy" by eating an entire turkey. Chandler and Phoebe sit on the couch, watching a game to avoid helping Monica with the dinner clean up.
REVENGE OF THE CYBERMEN BY: GERRY DAVIS AND ROBERT HOLMES Part One Running time: 24:19 [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Thank heavens for that! We've made it. Haven't we? DOCTOR: Of course we've made it. Did you think we wouldn't? SARAH: Well, in these past few weeks, yes. DOCTOR: There's really nothing that can go wrong with a Time Ring, except a molecular short circuit. SARAH: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes? SARAH: The TARDIS isn't here. DOCTOR: Well, it probably hasn't arrived yet. We're a little early. HARRY: Hasn't arrived yet? DOCTOR: No. You see, the TARDIS is drifting back through time, Harry. We just have to wait for it to turn up. HARRY: I say, Doctor, do you want this Ring thing? DOCTOR: What, that? HARRY: Yes. DOCTOR: No. HARRY: Oh, well, I'd rather like to have it. DOCTOR: Well, you take good care of it, Harry. HARRY: Of course I will. Thank you. HARRY: You knew that was going to happen, didn't you. HARRY: He's dead. Been dead some time. DOCTOR: How long? HARRY: A week or two, I'd say. There's very little sign of putrefaction, though. DOCTOR: Sterile atmosphere. HARRY: Yes, exactly. And no sign of injury. Nothing to indicate the cause of death. SARAH: But he was just sitting against the door as though he'd collapsed. DOCTOR: He wouldn't have been left there for two weeks unless SARAH: Unless what? DOCTOR: Unless there was something seriously wrong here. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] WARNER: This is Nerva Beacon calling Pluto Earth flight One Five. This is Nerva Beacon calling Pluto Earth flight One Five. Pluto Earth flight One Five, are you reading me? COLVILLE (OOV.): Hello Nerva Beacon, we read you fives clear. Our dropover tango oscar alpha estimated at 13.20. WARNER: Pluto Earth flight One Five, ex notice urgent. This beacon is a quarantine zone. We have a plague infection. I repeat, we have a plague infection. Your dropover is transferred to Ganymede Beacon 19067 on zero 2. Do you require a repeat on those vectors? COLVILLE (OOV.): No thanks, Nerva. We got them. How bad are things there? WARNER: They're pretty bad. COLVILLE (OOV.): Hello, Nerva, Crewmaster Colville, I say again, Crewmaster Colville is doing a tour with you. He's my brother. Is he all right? WARNER: Hold, Pan-Tec. I'll check. [SCENE_BREAK] WARNER (on monitor): Commander Stevenson? LESTER: Warner wants to speak with you, sir. STEVENSON: Yes, Warner? [SCENE_BREAK] WARNER: Sir, I'm in contact with the Pluto Earth flight. One of the crew wants news of his brother, Crewmaster Colville. What shall I tell him? STEVENSON (OOV.): Tell him Colville's fine, and say that our medical staff have got the epidemic under control. [SCENE_BREAK] STEVENSON: Just that, and nothing else. Thank you, Warner. KELLMAN: Why don't you tell them the truth, Commander? STEVENSON: I'm just following the orders I was given by Earth Centre. KELLMAN: Operating the Beacon to the last man? STEVENSON: If necessary, yes. You're a civilian, Kellman. You wouldn't understand. KELLMAN: How much longer can you go on? Three of you doing the work of fifty men. LESTER: We've managed for one week, we can manage for another. KELLMAN: And another after that? No, Lester, this beacon's job is finished. STEVENSON: Nerva Beacon has a thirty year assignment, and it'll be that long before the last inward bound ship has this new asteroid on its star chart. LESTER: Until then, there's a constant danger of space collision. KELLMAN: You deserve a medal for self-sacrifice beyond the bounds of stupidity. STEVENSON: I've lost most of my crew in these last months, some good friends among them, and yet a thing like that is still alive. LESTER: It's probably because he locked himself in that cabin of his at the first sign of the plague. LESTER: It's only these last few days he's dared poke his nose outside. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Is it jammed? DOCTOR: The control's locked. HARRY: You mean we can't get any further? DOCTOR: Those poor fellows couldn't. They were trapped in the after end and left to die. Whatever did it might be on the other side of this door. There might be a way of opening it. SARAH: Look, are you sure we're in the right place, Doctor? I mean, this doesn't look like our Ark. DOCTOR: Well of course it doesn't. This is a different point in time. SARAH: How can you tell? DOCTOR: Some of that equipment. This is probably a beacon, put in orbit to service and guide space freighters. HARRY: So this is before the time of the solar flares, when the Earth was evacuated. DOCTOR: Thousands of years before, Harry. SARAH: Oh, I'm not even going to think about it. I'll only get a headache. DOCTOR: All you have to remember is that this is where we parted company with the TARDIS. SARAH: What is it? DOCTOR: If they've changed things round, the TARDIS might materialise in the forward control rooms. [SCENE_BREAK] (OOV.): Can anyone hear me? I'm calling Nerva Beacon. WARNER: This is Nerva Beacon. I repeat, this is Nerva Beacon. Hello, are you reading me? This is Nerva Beacon. [SCENE_BREAK] ALIEN: Does anybody hear me? Can anyone hear me? Can anyone hear WARNER (OOV.): This is Nerva Beacon calling on 398. [SCENE_BREAK] WARNER: Do you read me? WARNER: Professor, this new asteroid, this rock or whatever it is, are you sure there's no life on it? KELLMAN: On Voga? Of course not, how could there be? WARNER: I don't know, Professor, but I've just picked up a call and that's the only place it could have come from. It's the only place near enough. KELLMAN: Hallucinations, Warner. You've been sitting here too long. WARNER: Where did that rock come from, anyway? What system? KELLMAN: Nobody knows. It was first detected in our system fifty years ago and it was captured by Jupiter. WARNER: So there could be life on it. KELLMAN: Impossible. An asteroid that size, drifting in the vacuum between star systems? Nothing could have lived under those conditions. WARNER: All the same, I'd swear that's where the transmission was from. KELLMAN: Warner, I'm an exographer. I've been down there. I've set up a transmat station there. I spent the last six months studying rock samples from KELLMAN: What are you doing? WARNER: Logging it. Unidentified call apparently from the direction of Voga. KELLMAN: You're mad. I've said all along it was a mistake to keep this control room operating. WARNER: Commander Stevenson's decision. Nothing to do with you, is it. KELLMAN: Every time someone goes down that transom, there's a risk of spreading the plague. WARNER: If the Commander says this Beacon is staying operational, it stays operational. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Can you reach? DOCTOR: Yes, I think so. If you two could put your weight on the door and stop it opening too suddenly. Don't want to lose my arm. I'm rather attached to it. It's so handy. HARRY: Like so? DOCTOR: Yes. SARAH: Doctor! SARAH: Wait, wait. Through. Quick. DOCTOR: Thank you. HARRY: What have I done now? [SCENE_BREAK] WARNER: Hello, Lester, is the Commander there? STEVENSON (OOV.): I'm here, Warner. Go ahead. WARNER: Sir, somebody has just opened the aft transom shutter. [SCENE_BREAK] WARNER (on monitor): I know it's impossible, but it's happened. The information's right here on the electronic register. LESTER: Everyone in that after section had the plague, so no one can be left alive. STEVENSON: Exactly. And the shutters were sealed. They couldn't possibly be operated from the after section. STEVENSON: Right, come on, we'll have to check the transom. [SCENE_BREAK] VORUS: Take it out and bury it. VORUS: Bury it deep. Why? MAGRIK: Your plan frightened him, Vorus. Sometimes it frightens me. VORUS: What, would you warn the humans? Do you feel kinship? MAGRIK: No. No, it's simply that there are so many things which might go wrong. VORUS: Of course. It's a big plan. But it will work. You and I together, Magrik, will make it work. MAGRIK: Yes, but can we trust our agent? VORUS: We can trust in his greed. Gold buys humans. And we have more gold here on Voga than in the rest of the known galaxy. MAGRIK: But he has not communicated. VORUS: Better he should not at this time. The Cybermen may be monitoring our radio frequencies. MAGRIK: The mention of Cybermen fills me with dread. VORUS: You feel fear, Magrik, because you've lived for too long in this underground darkness. When I lead our people into the light, all those ancient fears will fall away. MAGRIK: The light. Yes, I believe you, Vorus. [SCENE_BREAK] STEVENSON: The rivets have been taken out. LESTER: What, from the other side, sir? But that's impossible. They're blind-headed. STEVENSON: They could have been loosened with a sonic vibrator. LESTER: Well in that case Warner's right. Somebody has come through. STEVENSON: Right, then we'll have to check every section. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: We just left here. DOCTOR: No, this is the forward control room. HARRY: Well, the TARDIS doesn't seem to be here either, does it. DOCTOR: No, but the Time Ring is designed with a slight safety margin. We can expect it to arrive soon. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY (OOV.): Doctor, do you expect me to believe that that old police box is just going to materialise out of nothing? [SCENE_BREAK] STEVENSON: Right, get your hands up. I said, get your hands up! LESTER: Now, who are you? How'd you get here? DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor. This is Sarah Jane Smith, Harry Sullivan. We're travellers. KELLMAN: You'd better step in here, Commander. STEVENSON: What is it? KELLMAN: See for yourself. STEVENSON: Watch them. LESTER: Follow them. Come on, move. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What are you going to do? STEVENSON: Get back, he's got the plague. This is the only way to deal with it. DOCTOR: The man's sick. He needs treatment. LESTER: There is no treatment. All we can try to do is stop the infection spreading. DOCTOR: Sorry, gentlemen, I can't allow it. STEVENSON: You can't allow it! DOCTOR: My colleague is a doctor of medicine and I'm a doctor of many things. If we could examine KELLMAN: Commander, I'm afraid you'll have to kill these people, too. They've brought the plague in here. DOCTOR: Who's the homicidal maniac? STEVENSON: You say you're doctors. Did Earth Centre send you? DOCTOR: Yes, we're from Earth. We want to help you. LESTER: Help us? Don't you realise you've brought the infection through from the after section? SARAH: Oh don't be ridiculous. How could we have brought it through when he's infected and we aren't? HARRY: Quite impossible. We've had no contact with him. DOCTOR: I don't believe you've got the plague here, Commander. STEVENSON: According to our own medical team, we have. DOCTOR: Did they identify it? LESTER: They didn't have time. They were among the first victims. DOCTOR: Well, now you've got a new medical team. Well, Commander? STEVENSON: All right, you can examine him. DOCTOR: Thank you. STEVENSON: But not here. It'll have to be done in the crew quarters. The control room must be kept operational. KELLMAN: Oh yes, at all costs. STEVENSON: Lester, help the doctors with him. I'll take over the console. LESTER: Once the infection develops, they've got a few minutes to live. SARAH: I'll help you. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (on screen): Have you noticed these rather strange scratches, Commander? STEVENSON (on screen): Can't say that I have. DOCTOR (on screen): They're all over the ship. I've seen them somewhere before, if I could only remember where. STEVENSON (on screen): Is it important? DOCTOR (on screen): Everything's important. Well, well, well. STEVENSON (on screen): What is it? DOCTOR (on screen): I've just made a third interesting discovery about your plague virus, Commander. STEVENSON (on screen): A third? DOCTOR (on screen): Yes. One, it scratches metal. Two, it attacks its victims so suddenly that they become unconscious before they can even raise the alarm, and three. STEVENSON (on screen): Go on. DOCTOR (on screen): It removes tape from radio logs. It must be a very literate and inquisitive virus. STEVENSON (on screen): What exactly are you trying to tell me, Doctor? DOCTOR (on screen): Whatever it is that's attacking your crew, Commander, it's certainly not a plague. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: I've never seen anything like this before. His temperature's just shooting up and up. SARAH: Harry, I make his pulse a hundred and twenty. LESTER: It's always the same. They just seem to burn up. Warner's lasted longer than most. HARRY: Strong constitution. LESTER: He's as tough as an old boot. SARAH: How long since all this started? LESTER: This? This is the seventy ninth day. SARAH: And you've had no outside help? LESTER: Earth Centre decided to isolate us. HARRY: That's a bit ruthless, isn't it? LESTER: Well, they reckoned it was better to lose one space crew than take the chance of carrying an extraterrestrial disease back to Earth. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (on screen): Who's your civilian? STEVENSON (on screen): Professor Kellman. He's an exographer. DOCTOR (on screen): Interesting. Planetary survey. Of what? STEVENSON (on screen): Jupiter. DOCTOR (on screen): I thought Jupiter had already been thoroughly studied. STEVENSON (on screen): Yes. He's interested in its new satellite. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What, do you mean there are now thirteen? STEVENSON: Turned up fifty years ago. That's why this beacon's out here. A lot of the Great Circle freighters haven't got it on their charts yet. DOCTOR: What's it called? STEVENSON: New Phobos, originally, but Kellman's renamed it Voga. DOCTOR: Voga. Of course. Has he been down there? STEVENSON: Kellman? He set up a transmat. Why? DOCTOR: Voga. Voga. Planet of gold. Yes, it's all coming back to me now. STEVENSON: What's coming back to you? DOCTOR: Cybermen. That's what we're up against, Commander. Cybermen. STEVENSON: But surely, Doctor, Cybermen died out centuries ago. DOCTOR: They disappeared after their attack on Voga at the end of the Cyber War. Not the same thing as dying out, Commander. They're utterly ruthless. Total machine creatures. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: How is he? HARRY: I'm afraid he's had it, Doctor. STEVENSON: You'd better take over the control room, Lester. DOCTOR: Yes, just as I thought. HARRY: You mean the two puncture marks? DOCTOR: Yes, like a snake bite. SARAH: You mean venom? DOCTOR: He's been injected with poison. SARAH: Poor man. DOCTOR: If only I'd been quicker, I might have saved him. STEVENSON: How? Is there an antidote? DOCTOR: The matter beam disperses human molecules. That type of alien poison might be separated and rejected. SARAH: Alien? STEVENSON: Now where are you going? DOCTOR: I smell a rat. STEVENSON: You know, I sometimes wonder your friend is quite right in the head. SARAH: If the Doctor scented a rat, Commander, he'll find one. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Gold. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: Where are we going to put him, Commander? STEVENSON: When this trouble first started, we turned part of the infrastructure into a mortuary. LESTER: Yes, we used to leave them where they dropped. SARAH: We saw. MAN (OOV.): Zero six twenty. The intensity of radiation caused severe distortion. When the computer dealt with all original errors it was found that the intensity was minus three. MAN (OOV.): Starcharts for outer space section four carry a two percent error factor. Solar readings should be independently taken when patrolling the area. MAN (OOV.): Comm. ops magazines which departed from the ship's cell. In the constellation of Zerus X 20, the intensity of radiation caused severe distortion. When the computer dealt with the trouble
Plan: A: The Time Ring; Q: What device returns The Doctor, Sarah and Harry to Nerva Beacon thousands of years before they left? A: a space plague; Q: What wiped out the crew of Nerva Beacon? A: the culprits; Q: Who are the Cybermen and Professor Kellman? A: Professor Kellman; Q: Who is the geologist that the Doctor and Sarah find? A: Voga; Q: What planet is the Cybermen trying to wipe out? A: gold; Q: What is the planet Voga made of? A: Vogans; Q: What subterranean race defeated the Cybermen in a war? Summary: The Time Ring returns The Doctor, Sarah and Harry to Nerva Beacon thousands of years before they left. Where the Doctor, Sarah and Harry find the Beacon's crew have been wiped out by a space plague, only to discover the crew have been murdered by a cybermat and the culprits are the Cybermen and geologist Professor Kellman who bid to wipe out "Voga" a planet of gold, home of the subterranean Vogans who defeated the Cybermen in a war.
Teleplay by: Adam Chase Story by: Zachary Rosenblatt [Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Chandler, and Phoebe are there. Joey is working.] Ross: Hey, remember when I had a monkey? Chandler: Yeah. Ross: Yeah, what, what was I thinking? Joey: (he's just picked up their bill) Hey! So, what's with the 20 percent tip? Did I do something wrong? Chandler: Twenty percent is a pretty generous tip Joe. Joey: Y'know what's more generous than that?! Fifty percent! Y'know what's even more generous than that?!! Chandler: I see where you're goin'! Ross: What's up with the greed Joe? Joey: All right, look I'm sorry you guys, but it's just that I gotta get these new head shots made. And they're really expensive, y'know? I'm down to like three! Well, actually two 'cause one of 'em I kinda blackened in some teeth-Why did I do that?! (Hits himself in the head.) Ross: Well isn't there something you can do to earn a little extra money? I mean, can't-can't you pick up, I don't know, an extra shift here? Phoebe: Or, y'know, I used to beg for money. Of course it helps if you've got y'know a little of this (she sticks her chest out and shakes it) goin' on. Wow! I still have it! Ross: Oh, wait! Wait! Don't you have an audition today? Yeah! Maybe you'll get that job! Joey: Oh, ha-ha-ha! Ooh! Wait a minute, I used to get medical experiments down on me all the time! Chandler: (reminiscing) Ah, finally an explanation. Joey: No-no! I used to get paid for all kinds of medical stuff, remember? Let's see uh, well I don't want to donate sperm again. (To Ross) I really prefer doing that at the home office y'know? (Ross nods his head.) Ooh-ooh, maybe they want like some of my blood or-or spit or something, huh? Gunther: (approaching with a tray with an order on it) Joey! Joey: Yeah? Gunther: What did I tell you about talking to your friends while you're working? Joey: Uhh do it? Gunther: That guy (points) has been waiting for his coffee for ten minutes! He's complained about you three times! (He hands the coffee cup to Joey, assuming that Joey will deliver it and walks away.) Joey: Well, where was I? (Takes a sip of the coffee.) Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter wearing workout clothes.] Ross: Hi! Phoebe: Hey! Ross: Hey, what have you guys been up to? Phoebe: Ohh! We went to a self-defense class today! Ross: Wow! Rachel: Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of ya! Joey: Takes it out of you? (Laughs.) Phoebe: Now, we can kick anybody's ass! Rachel: Yeah! Ross: After one class? I don't think so. Rachel: What? You wanna see me self-defend myself?! Go over there (points) and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!! Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi. Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi? Ross: No, it's a concept! Phoebe: Yeah it is! It is! It's freshwater eel! Ross: All right, maybe it means that too... Rachel: Ohh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now! Ross: Y'know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don't even care! Phoebe: (deadpan) Come on Ross. We're sorry. Please tell us what it is. Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you! Phoebe: You mean in case someone is trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish? (Rachel laughs and Ross mocks her.) Ross: (moves closer) All I'm saying is, it's one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I don't know, like a (turns and puts his face close to Rachel's and screams) surprise!! (Rachel calmly wipes the spittle off her face.) Ross: All right, you know that one was coming, but that doesn't mean you have unagi. (Does the finger thing.) Rachel: (To Phoebe) Ooh! Y'know what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour. Ross: Y'know what... (Moves away as Chandler enters, panicked.) Chandler: Hey-hey, is Monica here? Phoebe: No. Ross: No. Chandler: Okay, look I need your help, I don't know what to get her for Valentine's Day. Rachel: Well, Valentine's Day was like two weeks ago, so I wouldn't get her a calendar! Chandler: (laughs) She was working on Valentine's Day so we're celebrating it tonight. Joey: Ohh, hey! Why don't you book a date for both of you at one of those romantic spas? Phoebe: Ooh, Joey, that's actually a really good idea! Joey: And of course, crotchless panties. Chandler: Well appealing as that does sound to her boyfriend (pause) and her brother, (the camera pans to Ross flashing Joey a very evil look; Joey gets scared) I can't do that we promised we'd make each other gifts this year. Rachel: Aw, I love that. Phoebe: You guys! Joey: You can't make crotchless panties? You take, you take a pair of scissors and you just cut... Rachel: (interrupting him) Okay-okay-okay! So, making things. That sounds like so much fun. Chandler: Yeah, I thought so to until I paper mached one of my eyes shut. Phoebe: Oh, I love paper mache! What did you make? Chandler: I made a... (Does one of those gibberish words.) Phoebe: What is that? Chandler: Nothing! Ross: So what are you gonna do? Chandler: Well, have you guys made anything that maybe I can take credit for? Phoebe: Ohh! I have! I have! I started making these little sock bunnies! (She takes out a sock that's been made into a bunny with eyes, nose, mouth, whiskers, and two other socks sown onto it for ears.) Oh for crying out loud! Rachel: Hey, wait a minute! That is my sock! Phoebe: Now, it's you little bunny friend. (She sticks it in Rachel's face and they both laugh.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is desperately trying to make his Valentine's Day gift. He takes a paper cup, turns it upside down, sticks two pencils into the top, and hangs a coat hanger from the bottom.] Chandler: (admiring his work) This, this actually is a... (Does the same gibberish word from before.) Monica: (entering) Hey! Chandler: Hey! Honey, can I ask you a question about the Valentine's Day gifts? Monica: Oh, yeah. Chandler: Do we have to make the entire thing? Monica: Yes! Why, did you-you forget to make yours? Chandler: Of course, of course not. I just have to uh, go over to the place where I-I made it and pick-pick it up. Monica: Okay. (They kiss.) Okay, I can't wait! This is going to be the best Valentine's Day ever! (Chandler giggles and exits.) I can't believe it! Make the presents! Make the presents! Chandler: (sticking his head back in) What? Monica: I'm just so excited to make the presents! (Chandler does another sarcastic/scared laugh and leaves.) Shoot! [Scene: A Medical Research Office, Joey is there to sign up for an experiment, any experiment.] Joey: (to the receptionist) Hi uh, I'm Joey Tribbiani and with all do respect I'd like to donate some fluids. Receptionist: We're actually at the end of one of our research cycles, so we're not looking for applicants right now. Joey: Oh that's too bad. I've kinda been saving up. (She just looks at him in horror.) Uh, are you sure there's no studies I can participate in? Receptionist: Well, here's a schedule of what's coming up. (Hands it to him.) Joey: Thanks. (Starts to read it.) Well but this one starts now. (Points to one.) Receptionist: Oh that one is available now, but only identical twins are eligible. It's a twins study. Joey: But it's $2,000. Receptionist: Sorry. Joey: Well how about this one? Testing the effects of Joey Tribbiani on attractive nurse receptionists. Receptionist: We already got the results back on that on, and they're not good. (Joey beats a hasty retreat.) [Scene: The Hallway between the Apartments, Ross is hiding behind that bump out on Monica's side waiting for Phoebe and Rachel. As they come up the stairs, he jumps out and yells...] Ross: DANGER!!! DANGER!!!!! (They both scream and jump away.) Phoebe: Ross!!! Rachel: What the hell was that?! Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi. (He starts doing the finger thing every time now.) Phoebe: Ohh, you're a freak!! Ross: Perhaps. Now I'm curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass? Rachel: All right, so we weren't prepared! Ross: I'm sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I-look, I just want you guys to be safe. (Monica comes out to throw out the garbage and Ross screams...) DANGER!!!!! (She completely ignores him and keeps walking.) Ahhh, huh? Unagi. [Scene: Cole-Geddes Casting Agency, Joey is there on his audition and thinking about that 2,000 bucks for the twins study.] Joey: (in his head) 2,000 bucks is a lot of money. Oh, I wish I had a twin. Where could I find someone who looks exactly like me? (The camera widens its shot to reveal a room full of Joey look-a-likes. Joey looks at the guy next to him and then back at his script.) [Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hey. Ross: (not turning around) Chandler. I sensed it was you. Chandler: What?! Ross: Unagi. I'm always aware. Chandler: Okay, are you aware unagi (does the finger thing) is an eel? Ross: What's up? Chandler: I can't figure out what to make Monica. Ross: Oh, why don't you make her one of your little jokes. Chandler: I'm going crazy! Okay? Do you have any thing around here that looks homemade? Ross: Y'know what? She'd-she'd love this. (Picks up a model of the Saturn V rocket, that's the one that took man to the moon.) Uh, it's an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade. Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon. Ross: Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didn't actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely. (Apollo 8 was the first one that orbited the moon and the one that read the Christmas Story from the orbit of the moon on Christmas Eve, 1968. They also took the famous Earthrise picture of the Earth rising over the moon.) Chandler: Wait a minute, I can't give this to her. Ross: Why not? Chandler: Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side and "I hate Monica" on the bottom. Ross: Oh. (Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream...) Phoebe and Rachel: DANGER!!!!! (Ross screams like a little girl.) Rachel: Ahhhhh, salmon skin roll. (She does the finger thing.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, he's still trying to figure out what to make Monica.] Chandler: Okay. Okay. (He goes to the closet, moves the clothes out of the way, and notices an empty hanger. He takes the empty hanger and bends it all out of shape. Then he holds it out as if he's giving it to her.) Yes honey, I made it myself. (He throws it down and goes to her chest, grabs something, goes to the bed table, and takes out a pair of scissors. He turns around and holds the scissors to the crotch of the panties he just removed.) I can't do it. I can't do it. (He throws them both down and continues looking. He opens another closet door and finds a tape.) Oh! Oh! A mixed tape! A mixed tape!! (He runs out into the living room.) [Cut to the living room, Chandler is entering as Monica finishes wrapping her present for him on the kitchen table.] Chandler: Hey! Hi! You uh, ready to exchange gifts? Monica: Sure! Okay, you go first. Chandler: Okay, come here! Come here. Monica: Okay! (She takes her present for him and they move over to sit on the couch.) Chandler: Now, it's not wrapped because I just, just finished it. Monica: Okay. Chandler: But I made you a tape of what I think are all romantic songs. Monica: Oh, what a great gift! Is The Way You Look Tonight on it?! Chandler: (momentarily terrified) Maybe we'll have to listen and see! Monica: Oh, I love it! Thank you so much! Chandler: Okay! Monica: Okay, you ready to open yours? Chandler: Yeah! Monica: Okay. (He opens his present to find Phoebe's sock bunny from earlier.) Chandler: It's a sock bunny. Monica: Yeah-yeah, you remember how I call you bunny? Chandler: Not really. Monica: Well, I did one time, and-and I want to start doing it more. See that's what this is about. Chandler: I see. Y'know umm, Phoebe makes sock bunnies. Monica: No! No, she doesn't. Uh Phoebe, what she makes-that's uh-they're sock rabbits. They are completely different-Okay! Okay! Okay! I didn't make it! I'm sorry! I totally forgot about tonight and the fact that we're supposed to make the presents! Chandler: Oh, it's okay. I don't... Monica: No-no, it's not okay! It's not! I mean you were just... You're so incredible! You went through all this time and effort to make this tape for me! Y'know I'm just gonna-I, I am gonna make this up to you! I will! I-I am going to cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and I am going to do anything you want in there! (Points to the bedroom.) Chandler: (thinking it over) Well, I did put a lot of thought in the tape. (They both run into the bedroom.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's bedroom, they are relaxing in sexual bliss.] Chandler: Wow! (To the sock bunny still on his hand.) You are way to young to have seen that! Monica: Oops! (Covers its eyes.) Y'know, your birthday is in a month-and-a-half, what do you say I forget to get you a present for that too? Chandler: You are totally and completely 100% forgiven. Monica: We have got to wash that! (Referring to the sock bunny.) Chandler: Yeah! (Takes it off his hand and throws it behind the night-stand.) Monica: Do you remember that jacket that you love so much, that you thought was too expensive? Chandler: You have done enough! Monica: I wanna wake up early and go get it for you! Chandler: No you don't-get it in black, not brown. (The oven dings.) Monica: Oop, your cake is ready! Chandler: Oop! (They both get out of bed and go get some cake.) Chandler: Well, it's like that old saying, have some s*x, eat some cake. (As they approach the kitchen, the door opens and in walks in a Joey look-a-like.) Joey's Look-A-Like: Hey Mon! Hey Chann! (He goes to the fridge) Just gettin' a soda! (Does so.) Monica: Who the hell are you?! Joey's Look-A-Like: I'm Joey! How are you doin'?! Joey: (entering) No! No! No! No! No! How you doin'?! How you doin'-Damnit Carl! Go wait in the hall! (Goes into the hall.) Joey: Look, I got to apologize on the behalf of Carl. Chandler: Who the hell is Carl?! Joey: Oh, did I not mention? Carl is a guy I hired to be my identical twin for a medical research project. Chandler: Y'know sometimes the good ideas are just right in front of you, aren't they? Joey: Okay, I know it sounds crazy, but I think it might work. Y'know? The only problem is, Carl's acting is... (Does the international hand symbol for so-so.) Monica: The only problem! Joey: Yeah, he's the reason I didn't get that big Minute Maid commercial a couple of years ago remember? We were supposed to be brothers, but he messed it up. Carl: (sticking his head back in) Hey, uh can I get a little piece of that cake? Joey: (to Carl) Pizza!! We like Pizza!! Get out!!! (Carl does so.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are returning.] Phoebe: Pat Sajak? Rachel: Yep! Phoebe: Alex Trebek? Rachel: Oh, of course! Phoebe: Chuck Woolery? Rachel: Definitely! Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host, who's ass I cannot kick. (They start to walk into the living room and notice someone's head sticking up from behind a chair. The camera cuts to the other side and we see it's Ross.) [Time lapse. The girls have Ross pinned face down. Phoebe is sitting on his back and arms while holding his head down and facing Rachel. Rachel is sitting on his knees and holding his lower legs vertically, causing Ross pain.] Rachel: Say it! Phoebe: Say we are unagi! Ross: It's not something you are! It's something you have! Rachel: Say it! Ross: Y'know what? I can easily get out of this, but there is a chance you can get very, very hurt! (Rachel yanks on his legs again and he groans in pain.) [Scene: The Medical Research office, Joey is there with Carl in the waiting room. Two identical twins come out and both wave by at the same time.] Joey: All right Carl, we're next. Now remember, what is not gonna be? Carl: Another Minute Maid fiasco. Joey: That's right! And what are you not gonna do? Carl: Well, I'm not gonna talk because... Joey: (gets very angry) Damnit Carl! (Carl goes to say something more, and Joey silences him with a grunt.) The Doctor: (entering) (To the receptionist) Can I have the next one please? (Takes the form.) Joey and Tony Tribbiani. (Joey and Carl stand up.) Joey: That's us. The Doctor: (seeing they're not identical) But uh, this is a study for identical twins. Joey: That's right, $2,000. The Doctor: But, you're not identical twins. Joey: Damnit Carl! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is getting ready for Chandler's arrival. He enters and finds the place lit with candles and dinner on the table.] Chandler: Oh my good God. Monica: Hey! Continuing the countdown of your favorite meals. Tonight, No. 3, macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs. Chandler: Look, you have done enough! Okay? You have to stop this now. Monica: I will! But not tonight. For dinner music, I thought we could listen to that tape you made me. Chandler: Oh, the mixed tape. (Monica pushes play and The Way You Look Tonight starts to play.) Monica: The Way You Look Tonight is on here! Dance with me? (He hesitates, then goes over to dance with her.) Monica: You are just the sweetest. (They kiss.) (Suddenly, a strange and familiar voice comes out of the tape player. Here's a hint, OH...MY...GAWD!! That's right, it's Janice!) Janice: I love the way you look every night Chandler! (Monica breaks the kiss and Chandler freezes in terror.) That's why I made you this tape! Happy Birthday! Love Janice! Chandler: No! You're the sweetest! (He tries to kiss her but Monica backs away with a look that could kill on her face.) [Scene: A women's self-defense class, the instructor is just finishing a class.] The Instructor: Okay ladies, that ends today's class, and let's remember, let's be safe out there. (The women all clap and start to leave as Ross comes up to the instructor. Apparently he was hiding in the back.) Ross: It's a great class. The Instructor: Thanks. Ross: Yeah, yeah, I was watching. (The instructor just nods and walks away.) Umm, hey, a couple of questions though. Umm, about that-that-that last move where the woman tripped you and then pinned you to the floor, what-what-what-what would you do next? The Instructor: Well, she would take her keys and try to jam them... Ross: No. No-no. No. What would you do next? The Instructor: Who? Me the attacker? Ross: Yes that's right. The Instructor: Why? Ross: I tired attacking two women, did not work. The Instructor: What?! Ross: No, I mean it's okay, I mean, they're-they're my friends. In fact, I-I-I was married to one of them. The Instructor: Let me get this straight man, you attacked your ex-wife?! Ross: Oh, no! No-no! No, I tired! But I couldn't. That's why I'm here. Maybe we could attack them together? (He glares at him.) That-that's a no. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is trying to explain himself to Monica.] Chandler: I am so, so, so, so sorry! Monica: (not buying it) Uh-huh. Chandler: And I will cook anything you want in here (points to the kitchen), and do anything in there! (Points to the bedroom.) Monica: (pointing to the kitchen) Yeah you will! (Points to the bedroom) And, are you kiddin' me?! Chandler: Come on Monica, it's our Valentine's Day. Please? Please-please, please? Monica: Okay. Chandler: Okay. (They hug.) Janice's Voice: (singing) My funny valentine, sweet comic valentine! You make me high over my heart! (Monica breaks the hug and starts for the bedroom.) Chandler: So, are we going in there? Monica: I am!! (Enter her room and closes the door behind her.) Janice's Voice: (singing) You're look for laughable...(She does the now patented Janice laugh.) Ending Credits [Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.] Ross: Ah-ha, nowhere to run! (He starts to run towards them.) [Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.] Rachel: I don't like sitting up here! I'm just gonna over... (She starts to get up.) Phoebe: (stopping her) No Rachel! They got here first! (Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.) Phoebe: Why is Ross doing that? Ross: DANGER!!!! Rachel: Oh my God! Why is he jumping on those women! Phoebe: We should help him! Rachel: I... Well, I don't think they need any help. (Ross starts to scream and run away. He stops in front of the window of Central Perk to check the pursuit and notices Phoebe and Rachel inside looking at him. He mouths, "What?" Then realizes that the women he attacked are closing in so he screams and runs away.)
Plan: A: Rachel; Q: Who takes self-defense classes with Phoebe? A: Ross; Q: Who staged a mock attack to convince Rachel and Phoebe they lack unagi? A: karate; Q: What martial art did Ross practice? A: unagi; Q: What is the Japanese word for eel? A: Chandler; Q: Who finds a mixtape in the closet and gives it to Monica? A: Valentine's Day; Q: What holiday do Chandler and Monica celebrate several days late? A: Joey; Q: Who recruits someone to play his "twin"? A: an identical twin research project; Q: What does Joey apply for that pays $2,000? Summary: Rachel and Phoebe take self-defense classes. Ross, who previously practiced karate , stages a surprise mock attack to convince them they lack unagi , supposedly a state of "total awareness", though unagi is Japanese for eel. Chandler and Monica celebrate Valentine's Day several days late, but when they forget to make each other homemade gifts, Monica gives Chandler one of Phoebe's "sock bunnies". Chandler finds a mixtape in the closet and gives it to Monica, unaware it was a present from Janice, complete with her recorded voice. When Joey applies for an identical twin research project that pays $2,000, he recruits someone to play his "twin".
THE WEB PLANET BILL STRUTTON 5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. VORTIS (The DOCTOR reaches the point where he knew the TARDIS to be. He stops dead in his tracks and looks around himself in disbelief.) DOCTOR: (Stunned.) My ship...my TARDIS... [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. VORTIS (BARBARA gets nearer and nearer to the pool of acid. A small distance away, one of the giant ants waves one of its arms and makes its chirruping noise. As if on command, BARBARA stops, turns to the right, walks a few steps past the pool, turns left, skirts the pool, left again and onwards...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. VORTIS (IAN lies face down on the sandy surface, unconscious. There is no sign of the stinging web. As the DOCTOR approaches, his shouts can be heard.) DOCTOR: (OOV.) Chesterton!...Chesterton! (The DOCTOR comes into view. He looks down at IAN, then reaches towards him. He suddenly pulls back and looks round for the web. Seeing that it has definitely gone, he again reaches for IAN. As he touches him, IAN starts and cries out with pain.) IAN: Ahh! Don't touch me! DOCTOR: Are you all right, boy? IAN: (Sitting up.) Ahh...ahh.. (IAN starts to brush off himself some thin transparent tendrils that cover his head and shoulders. He suddenly grabs his face.) IAN: Oh, my face...my face. (He takes his hands away and looks towards the DOCTOR.) IAN: What's the matter with it? DOCTOR: It's a little blistered. IAN: Ahh! Oh, it's feels as is...I fell into a...bed of stinging nettles. DOCTOR: What's happened to that weed, hmm? IAN: Huh, I don't know. It...it went. DOCTOR: Went where? IAN: Well, it just went...(Points.) there...the ground. Oh, what an accursed place this is. DOCTOR: Yes, accursed place, so barren. IAN: Oh... (IAN stands up and holds onto a crag for support. He brushes the reminder of the tendrils off himself.) DOCTOR: I wonder, yes, accursed. Hmm. IAN: Come on, Doctor. Let's get back to the TARDIS. Get some...something for my face. (IAN puts his hands to his stinging face again.) DOCTOR: Oh, unfortunately, I can't help you at the moment, dear boy. IAN: What? DOCTOR: And I...I have a shock for you...the ship's gone, vanished. (IAN looks at him in disbelief.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT.VORTIS (BARBARA walks on, her arm still outstretched and her face blank. As she passes on, another strange creature jumps into view. Although vaguely humanoid, again it resembles an insect - this time a butterfly. It has two antennae sprouting from the top of it's head, two composite eyes are on its light and dark marked face and its body is covered with light and dark stripes like a wasp. Two large wings adorn its back. With graceful movements, it follows BARBARA.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT.VORTIS (IAN sits on the ground, holding his still stinging face. The DOCTOR, utterly helpless, storms at his surroundings...) DOCTOR: There must be an answer to it, dear boy. (Shouts to the sky.) There must be answer! (Calmer.) They can't even get in the ship, let alone operate it. Ha ha! The interior of my ship...is inviolable. (The DOCTOR suddenly leans against a crag, clutching his chest and trying to get his breath. IAN sits up and notices.) IAN: What's the matter? DOCTOR: My chest. Ahh...ah. (IAN gets up and stumbles over to him.) IAN: Can't you breath? DOCTOR: Oh it's... (IAN touches one of the small funnel like devices on the DOCTOR'S coat.) IAN: Something wrong with these? DOCTOR: Yes, it's these ADJ...J coats. Ha, no use after about an hour, they're useless. IAN: Well, can we live without them? DOCTOR: Just about. IAN: Well lets take them off shall we? Get used to the atmosphere. Hey? All right? DOCTOR: Huh, yes, ah. (They take their jackets off. IAN breathes in the thin air as he does so.) IAN: Ah, heh, you can certainly tell the difference, can't you? DOCTOR: (Nodding.) Hmm. IAN: (Taking deep breaths.) Ohh, Ahh, breathe slowly. Deeply, like a diver. (They both breathe deeply to get used to the air.) IAN: Oh, it...it's possible. DOCTOR: Hmm. IAN: Eh...? (The DOCTOR suddenly points to the ground a few feet away.) IAN: Hmm? DOCTOR: Look at those ridges, what are those ridges in the sand there? Have a look. (Still getting used to the air, the two men stumble over to the tracks.) IAN: (Realising.) The TARDIS. DOCTOR: I had a TARDIS! Hmm! IAN: It's been dragged away. Dragged away! [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. VORTIS (Some distance away, the TARDIS is indeed being dragged across the surface - but by no visible force. Instead, it seems to shunt by itself across the sandy ground. One of the ant creatures waves its arm to direct the ship. The air is filled with the chirruping noise of the ants.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (VICKI tries to keep her balance as the ship moves along. One violent movement throws her against the console. She watches on the scanner as the landscape passes by. Then to her horror, one of the ant creatures looms into view...) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. VORTIS (The butterfly creature catches up with BARBARA. She is totally oblivious to its presence. Turning her gently round, it guides her into a nearby cave...) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CAVE (...where two more the butterfly creatures wait. BARBARA is led by the first into the centre of the cave and sat down on a rock. One of the other creatures uses a crystalline spear to move BARBARA'S hair as they examine her. Compelled by the force again, BARBARA stands and starts to walk out of the cave but the second creature stops her and carefully pulls the gold bracelet off her wrist and throws it into a pool of acid where it quickly dissolves. BARBARA awakens and looks in puzzlement at her empty arm.) BARBARA: My bracelet, I...I wa... (She looks up and sees the three creatures.) BARBARA: (Nervously.) Who are you? What do you want? (She makes a rush for the entrance to the cave. Two of the creatures quickly block her path. One of them speaks. It has a gentle feminine voice...) VRESTIN: Stop her! Stay where you are. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. VORTIS (The DOCTOR and IAN walk round a crag, following their trail. They carry the ADJ's in their hands.) IAN: Oh, those tracks have disappeared. (IAN throws his jacket away whilst the DOCTOR climbs a small rise.) DOCTOR: The ground seems firmer here. (IAN looks round, trying to find the now missing trail. The DOCTOR also dumps his jacket.) IAN: No sign of it. DOCTOR: Oh, all...all so strange, so unnatural. I've never experienced anything in my life before...like this. But we must continue with our search. IAN: Yeah. DOCTOR: (Pointing.) Take a look over there. (IAN walks off to look where the DOCTOR points. The DOCTOR looks round himself and sees something new in the sandy ground.) DOCTOR: Well, that's odd. Those are not track-marks. Those are more like claw-marks, yes, huh! Chesterton! (A small distance away, IAN literally puts his foot into a small hollow object on the ground. It too resembles an insect.) IAN: Doctor... DOCTOR: (Walking up to him.) I think we're on the right track, my boy. IAN: Never mind about that. (He takes his foot out of the object.) IAN: Look at this. (They crouch down to examine their latest find.) DOCTOR: Good gracious! It's hollow. IAN: Yes. DOCTOR: Yes, well preserved. Yes, a vertebrate creature, yes, highly developed, hmm! IAN: It's still got it's skin, it's more like a chrysalis. DOCTOR: Hmm. Menoptra! Yes, does that word mean anything to you, hmm? IAN: No, nothing. You mean you've been here before? DOCTOR: No, no, my boy. No, but it's this rock formation and now this creature, this object, it...suggests the planet Vortis. IAN: Vortis? DOCTOR: Hmm. IAN: What galaxy is that in? DOCTOR: The Isop galaxy. Yes...many light ear...many light...years...from Earth. And yet the Vortis hasn't the moon's and here, there...there are several, look, you see? (They stand and look into the dark sky at the many planets.) DOCTOR: You can see for yourself. Hmm? IAN: Yes, can't a planet attract satellites to itself, Doctor? DOCTOR: Oh, yes, yes, yes, but it would need a...galactic explosion, you know, some kind of new force. Whether this Vortis planet has that or not, I...I can't be sure. Anyway, lets, er, come on, over here. (They carry on their exploration.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE (The shifting TARDIS approaches the opening to its destination. The organic entrance is covered with twitching, growing tendrils.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (VICKI looks at the approaching edifice on the scanner.) VICKI: Please help me! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE (The TARDIS moves through the entrance.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. CAVE (BARBARA is telling her story to the silent, listening butterfly creatures.) BARBARA: After we'd landed, two of our party went to explore. The last thing I remember was...being in the ship...the doors opening, and then...well then, you came. (The creatures look at one another. Suddenly one of them raises its crystalline spear and speaks in a male-yet slightly high-pitched voice.) HRHOONDA: Kill her! VRESTIN: (Gently restraining its companion.) No. HRHOONDA: A stranger must not be trusted. HROSTAR: (To BARBARA, in a hesitant, male voice.) You chose here when you chose to land on Vortis? BARBARA: (Snapping.) I keep telling you, we didn't choose! Our ship was forced here. VRESTIN: The Zarbi will treat them as enemies. If we refuse to help them, they will not survive. HRHOONDA: Her future is no concern of ours. Hrostar, she was under the force of the Zarbi. Why did you break it? BARBARA: Look, all we want to do is get away from here. These Zarbi that you seem frightened of - maybe we could help you? HROSTAR: Have you...any...weapons? BARBARA: No, but we... VRESTIN: (Interrupting, to HROSTAR.) Watch her. (HROSTAR, his arms twitching, points to the centre of the cave. BARBARA moves to the place indicated and sits down. HROSTAR follows and watches whilst VRESTIN and HRHOONDA confer on the other side of the cave.) HRHOONDA: If we let her go, she may tell the Zarbi where they can find us. VRESTIN: No. (BARBARA starts to pull a spar of rock that lies on the ground across to herself with her feet.) HRHOONDA: Even if she does not wish to betray us, they will extort it from her. VRESTIN: There are few of us and many of the Zarbi. She offers help. HRHOONDA: She is not to be trusted. I say kill her! VRESTIN: Hrostar! (BARBARA'S guard moves to act on the summons and join his companions.) VRESTIN: The Menoptra do not act without... (VRESTIN'S statement is drowned out by HROSTAR'S cry as BARBARA pushes him over with the spar and runs out of the cave.) HRHOONDA: Stop her! Stop her! (HRHOONDA throws his crystalline spear after BARBARA'S fleeing figure...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. VORTIS (BARBARA runs out of the cave. She trips with a cry. She hears the chirruping of the ants - the ZARBI - and gets up and continues her escape.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. VORTIS (The DOCTOR and IAN continue their trek across the planet. IAN points to the sky.) IAN: Strange lights in the sky... DOCTOR: Hmm. Pulsating. (They climb a small rise.) IAN: Do you think they could be...natural like the aurora borealis? (The lights pulse in the star filled sky.) DOCTOR: No, look down there, my boy, hmm? (They are stood on a ledge looking down onto a strange organic complex that seems to have grown over the surface.) IAN: So that's where they've taken the ship to. DOCTOR: Apparently so. We've got to get down there. I wish we had more knowledge of what we were up against. (They climb down the rise.) DOCTOR: Ah, this...this wilderness, huh! Ah... (IAN suddenly stops dead in his tracks with eyes wide open.) IAN: Doctor! DOCTOR: Ahh? Hmm? (Four of the ZARBI and two of the grub-like creatures emerge from behind nearby rocks and surround them. The ZARBI chirrup and twitch their arms as if trying to direct the two men. The ZARBI that is behind IAN approaches him and nudges him with its mandibles. IAN jumps in alarm. The creatures close in on him.) DOCTOR: The best thing is to stand still. IAN: Do you think we could talk to them? Make them understand? DOCTOR: Apart from rubbing our back legs together like some sort of grasshopper? I doubt if we could get on speaking terms with them. (The ZARBI again start to push IAN. He reacts..) DOCTOR: Stand still! Obey! These creatures on this planet are completely unknown to me. Now stand still and obey. (The ZARBI start to herd the two men forward.) DOCTOR: Remember those claw marks! IAN: Yes. (The two men are pushed away...) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The TARDIS movement seems to have stopped. VICKI tests her balance on the now still floor. She looks at the scanner but it is blank. VICKI jumps back as the doors swing open silently. A humming noise can be heard from outside the ship.) VICKI: (Cautiously stepping forward.) Ian? Doctor? Is there anybody there? (Summoning courage, she steps outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The tendril-covered walls of the room outside seem to have been grown rather than built. The chirruping sound of the ZARBI can be heard over the humming sound. VICKI slowly steps forward. As soon as she is a distance from the ship, two ZARBI come out of hiding and cut her off from the TARDIS. She screams and backs against a wall covering her eyes from the sight of the giant ants...) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE (Accompanied by their captors, the DOCTOR and IAN arrive at the Carsenome. They stop to look at the walls of the entrance which are a mixture of tendrils and expanding globules of matter.) IAN: Doctor, look at this. It's growing. DOCTOR: Organic matter, reproducing itself. Hmm hmm. IAN: Fantastic. DOCTOR: Yes, I wonder...I wonder how long it's taken to...grow that size, eh? A hundred or two hundred years, eh? IAN: Doctor, if your assumption was correct and this is Vortis, what do you know of it's history? DOCTOR: History! Doesn't mean anything when you travel through space and time. (He laughs.) (The ZARBI push them forward.) DOCTOR: All right, all right! Don't push, don't push! [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (VICKI is now somewhat braver and glares defiantly at the ZARBI. One of them steps away and up to the TARDIS doors...) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (It hesitates on the threshold, then tries to enter the ship. Suddenly, the chirruping noise become faster and high pitched as if it is in pain. It quickly backs out...) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The ZARBI turns round and round in distress. As it comes to a halt, a alarm sounds through the room although it seems to emanate from one of the tendril walls. The DOCTOR and IAN walk into the room. The first thing they spot is the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: My ship! The doors are open! (IAN has seen VICKI and rushes over to her past the ZARBI guarding her.) IAN: Vicki! VICKI: (Hugging him.) Oh, Ian! Ian! IAN: It's all right, Vicki, Don't worry. Where's Barbara? VICKI: I don't know. I...I was asleep. She must have left the ship. (The DOCTOR is angrily examining the outside of the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: What's the meaning of this, child, hmm? Who tried to get in here? VICKI: I don't know! I don't know! (The DOCTOR furiously turns on the ZARBI.) DOCTOR: What do you creatures want? Erh? Hmm? (They quickly surround him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. VORTIS (At a loss as to what to do, BARBARA drops rocks into one of the pools of acid. Walking away from the pool, she finds herself surrounded by two chirruping ZARBI who push her to the ground.) BARBARA: No! Ahh! [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. CAVE (Inside the cave, the three Menoptra argue in their quiet graceful way over the use of their communications device.) HRHOONDA: Vrestin, use that and we shall all be destroyed. The Zarbi are all around us. If you break communicator silence, they will know where they may find us. VRESTIN: If we do not contact our forces, they face destruction. We must warn them of the power of the Animus. (VRESTIN'S alien pronunciation makes this latter word come out as "Animoose".) HROSTAR: And...of the strength...of the larvae gun. VRESTIN: The Zarbi are matched together against us. (HRHOONDA walks to the cave entrance and guards it with his crystalline spear. VRESTIN and HROSTAR activate the communicator. This device looks crystalline in manufacture. It hums into life.) VRESTIN: Pilot party to Menoptra invasion force. (VRESTIN re-tunes the set by moving several of its spars. The sound of static is all that is heard.) VRESTIN: Pilot party to Menoptra invasion force. This is Vrestin. Urgent report. Urgent report. (There is more static.) HROSTAR: They...are in reach...of the enemy locators. They will not break...communicator silence. VRESTIN: They will. They can echo their signals to us on satellite Taron. (VRESTIN re-tunes the communicator.) VRESTIN: Menoptra spearhead - acknowledge reception. (The sound of static continues.) HROSTAR: Vrestin, it's no use. The cave...is cutting off...our signal. VRESTIN: Yes. We must try again - from outside the cave. HROSTAR: If they catch us...we must break the transmitter. HRHOONDA: (From the cave entrance.) Vrestin! Hrostar! The Zarbi! [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. VORTIS (Outside the cave, BARBARA again possessed, walks ahead of the two ZARBI towards the Menoptra hiding place.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. CAVE (One of the ZARBI enters first. HRHOONDA hits it with his crystal spear but it is of little use.) HROSTAR: Vrestin! Smash the crystal! Smash the crystal, Vrestin! (HROSTAR helps HRHOONDA whilst VRESTIN sabotages the communicator. With a rising noise like a jet engine, one of the larvae grubs fires a shot from its snout, there is a flash and HRHOONDA falls to the floor with a cry.) HROSTAR: Vrestin, run! Get away! Get away! (VRESTIN runs through a second entrance to the cave at the back. BARBARA stands in the first entrance. A gold wishbone shaped necklace hangs off her shoulders. Her face is blank. As the ZARBI examine the smashed communicator, HROSTAR pulls the necklace from her shoulders and manages to drop it on the floor before it gains possession of him. BARBARA rubs her eyes as she wakes...) HROSTAR: We...are safe...for the present. BARBARA: How did I get back here? HROSTAR: You...were...morphotised. Look! (HROSTAR points to the dropped necklace.) BARBARA: I don't understand. HROSTAR: The Zarbi...can control everyone - even us, the Menoptra - when they use that metal. (BARBARA kneels down to examine the necklace.) BARBARA: Gold! (She reaches out to it.) HROSTAR: Don't touch! BARBARA: I see. So it was the bracelet. What will they do to us? HROSTAR: We...are to be taken...to the Crater of Needles. BARBARA: And then? HROSTAR: They...will put us to work. Once there...you might well wish...that...you had not been spared. (The venom grub pushes HROSTAR away from BARBARA. The two ZARBI push him to the ground as the grub aims its snout weapon it his wings. BARBARA, horrified, looks away as she realises what is going to happen...) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR uses hand signals to try and communicate with the ZARBI. They chirrup away as he points between the TARDIS, himself, his companions and the ZARBI themselves. They make no other response.) IAN: No, the Doctor's not getting through to them. (One of the tendril covered walls bursts into life with light and sound. The ZARBI rush over to it.) IAN: That sounds like an alarm. (The ZARBI turn back and push the DOCTOR into the centre of the room. A transparent tendril-covered tube descends from the ceiling and over the DOCTOR'S head. He stands still as a voice, feminine and full of menace, echoes out of the tube...) ANIMUS VOICE: Why do you come now?
Plan: A: Vortis; Q: What planet is the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki on? A: the butterfly-like Menoptera; Q: Who are the original denizens of Vortis? A: the moon Pictos; Q: Where did the Menoptera flee to? A: its mind-controlled minions; Q: What is the Animus? A: the ant-like Zarbi; Q: Who are the Animus' minions? A: the larvae guns; Q: What are the Zarbi's living weapons? Summary: On the planet Vortis, the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki are swept up in the struggles of the butterfly-like Menoptera, the original denizens of Vortis who were forced to flee the planet for the moon Pictos to escape the encroaching web of the Animus and its mind-controlled minions, the ant-like Zarbi and their living weapons, the larvae guns.
LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill. [EXT. THE BEACH HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - EVENING] (Mouth is standing around, depressed. Peyton bumps into him.) PEYTON: Oh, Hey Mouth, have you seen Brooke? MOUTH: (Sourly) Yeah, she's um... benefiting with Felix. (Grabs a bottle of alcohol.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROAD TO TREE HILL - NATHAN'S CAR - DAY] (Nathan is driving. Lucas sits in the passenger seat, frowning.) LUCAS: My mom ever asks... I got the test and I'm fine. NATHAN: If that's what you want. KAREN: (v.o) Yesterday - [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRIC - THE BAR - EVENING] (Karen and Deb are standing near the bar.) KAREN: Dan... told me that you slept with Keith. Is it true? DEB: (Covering her guilt.) No, of course not(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH HOUSE - EVENING] (Nathan and Haley stand out, away from the house. They argue while the party rages on.) NATHAN: I spent the whole night waiting for you! All while you were with Chris! HALEY: (Visibly upset.) Can we leave him out of this please?! NATHAN: (Shrugging) Why? (Pause) Are you into him? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TRIC - STEPS - EVENING] (Anna and Felix stand on the steps around the back of TRIC, arguing.) ANNA: Just because people say something, doesn't make it true Felix. Those were rumours! FELIX: (Glaring) Yeah? Well how do you think rumours get started? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BATHROOM - EVENING] (Peyton pours out the drugs onto a CD and uses another one to separate it into strips.) PEYTON: (v.o) It's OK. I already flushed it down the toilet. (Peyton's sad face is reflected on the CD.) PEYTON: (v.o) I've only done it that one time. (She backs up and throws the CD against the wall.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Shot of Peyton's sketch of Jake and Jenny as she tears it in half.) BROOKE: (v.o) You don't get to have me, not my body - [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE BEACH HOUSE - BEDROOM - EVENING] BROOKE: (To Felix.) and sure as hell not my heart(!) (Off Felix's sorrowful face.) BROOKE: (o.s) We're done(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - EVENING] (Brooke sits on the beach, looking out at the sea. Lucas approaches cautiously.) BROOKE: (v.o) We should do this more often. LUCAS: (v.o) Do what? (Fade to them sitting side by side on the beach.) BROOKE: (v.o) Be friends. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - EVENING] (Haley sits on the bed in the dark bedroom, tear streaks on her face, as she dials the phone and waits.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH HOUSE - WOODEN RAILINGS - DAWN] (Nathan sits on the wooden railings and looks out at nothing. His phone rings and he takes it out of his pocket to see who it is. When he sees the screen, he turns it off.) FADE TO BLACK: OPENING CREDITS ROLL: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE SKY - EVENING] (The camera pans across the sky, amongst the tree branches, as Lucas speaks.) LUCAS: (v.o) Nathanial Hawthorne once wrote: No man,... for any considerable period,... can wear one face to himself... and another to the multitude,... without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true. (The camera stops at a side shot of Brooke's house. A sound of smashing glass is heard.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - PATHWAY - DAY] (Brooke walks down the driveway, smiling to herself and then sees her car. She rushes to it her windshield is smashed. She gapes at in and we see Felix leave his house. Brooke looks at him accusingly for a period before turning back to her car, disbelieving.) (Giving up, she walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - DAY] (Shot of Lucas' phone next to his computer. It rings and he picks it up.) LUCAS: (Looks at the front before answering it.) (Into the phone.) Haley! (Cut to the apartment.) HALEY: (Dishevelled through obvious lack of sleep.) Hey(!) I'm sorry to bother you so early, um... (Takes a deep breath.) Nathan and I had a fight last night and he didn't come home and - LUCAS: (Through the phone.) I talked to him. (Cut back to Lucas' bedroom.) LUCAS: He's OK. HALEY: (Through the phone.) Oh well, (Cut back to the apartment.) HALEY: do you know where he is? (Back to Lucas' house.) LUCAS: (Shaking his head.) No. HALEY: (Through the phone.) OK, well... (Back to the apartment.) HALEY: The next time you talk to him, can you... ask him to come home please? (Cut to Lucas' bedroom.) LUCAS: (Laughing) OK, I will. Alright, well look, don't worry yourself OK Hales? I'm sure he's fine. Alright? HALEY: OK. Bye. (She shuts her phone.) (Cut to Lucas' bedroom again as he walks past Nathan who is on the floor, on some duvets and under a blanket.) NATHAN: (Sighs as he sits up.) Thanks for covering for me man. LUCAS: You're welcome but it sucked(!) (Picks his bag up.) I don't wanna lie to Haley. NATHAN: (Yawns) You just did. LUCAS: (Sits on his bed in front of Nathan.) Why don't you go home? Work it out. It... didn't sound like Haley was going to school anyway. NATHAN: (Rubs his eye.) Yeah, why would they have the Formal on a Sunday? LUCAS: I dunno; to keep the students from partying, getting wasted. (Points to Nathan.) Arguing with their wives. NATHAN: Yeah, well it didn't work. (Changing the subject.) How'd it go with Anna anyway? LUCAS: (Evasively) Well lets just say we didn't exactly end the night together. NATHAN: Who'd you end up with? (Lucas opens his mouth to tell him but there's a knock on the door and they both look up.) (Brooke opens the door. She looks at them and then down at Nathan. Nathan scoffs, getting it.) NATHAN: Only in Tree Hill. (Lucas laughs.) BROOKE: Ew, you two realise you're related right? NATHAN: Hi Brooke. BROOKE: (Leans on a box on Lucas' table.) Double ew if Tutor Wife is here. LUCAS: (Smiling) She's not. (Pause) What's up? BROOKE: Um... my car is now out of commission, thanks to my jealous, spiteful stain of a neighbour... and I was sort of thinking... that... you might wanna walk to school together. (Shrugs) (Lucas looks at her.) (Brooke smirks.) Unless of course, you're waiting for your 'Boytoy' here. NATHAN: (Waves her away.) Go ahead. I'll catch up with you guys later. LUCAS: Alright. (Stands) Go home Nate. Work it out. (Lucas walks to the door. Brooke waves at Nathan who returns the parting and they close the door behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANNA AND FELIX'S HOUSE - ANNA'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Anna walks into her room and stands in front of the mirror, trying to get her necklace off.) FELIX: (o.s) Well, well(!) (Anna looks at him.) FELIX: (In his room but looking at Anna.) Angel of the morning. ANNA: (Sighs) OK, look. (Felix walks to her.) I wasn't with Lucas so just... chill out. FELIX: (Stops in front of her with a foul look on his face.) Where were you Anna? ANNA: (Pauses and looks away.) I stayed at Peyton's. FELIX: (Smirks snidely.) Ah, that's great(!) Mom and dad will love that! ANNA: (Almost pleading.) Then don't tell them(!) FELIX: Just let me know when I need to start packing again. (Looks at her for a beat and then turns away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY] (Keith walks into the shop. Dan is in his office, straightening out a picture frame. Keith stops just in the doorway.) KEITH: New digs for your return, hey Danny? DAN: (Turns to him.) No, new digs for your (Points to him.) return. (Smiles) You did a hell of a job while I was away Keith. (He smiles and walks to his desk where he turns a heavy block around. On it is engraved; 'Keith Scott, Vice President'. Wait expectantly.) What do you say? (Keith smiles disbelievingly and blinks.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GRASS - DAY] (Brooke and Lucas walk together to the school.) LUCAS: Who do you think did it? BROOKE: (Scoffs) Felix(!) (Looks at him.) We kind of... stopped benefiting. LUCAS: (Looks at her and shrugs.) I'm glad! I mean, not about the... windshield thing but... about the rest of it. BROOKE: (Amused) Why, because you don't like him? LUCAS: No... because you're better than that. (They look at each other before turning to look forward again.) BROOKE: (Sincerely) I miss this, you know. (Smiles, shrugs and looks at him.) Talking to you. (They smile again.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - BENCHES - DAY] (Mouth is sitting at the benches, doing nothing, when Felix comes up to him. Mouth is clearly upset about something.) FELIX: (Taking a seat.) What happened to you? MOUTH: (Looks at him and then turns away.) I'm not talking to you. FELIX: (Pause) OK. Well if it makes you feel any better... Brooke dumped me. (Mouth looks at him.) You told her didn't you? (Pause) About the dollhouse and TRIC. MOUTH: (Takes his bag.) Thought she should know the truth. (Slings it over his shoulder and begins walking.) FELIX: Whatever, I deserved it. (Stands and falls into step with Mouth.) It's a rule of life Mouth; whatever crap you pull... always catches up to you. (Laughs) It's a part of the game. MOUTH: It's not a game Felix. FELIX: (Looking at Mouth's sad face.) Come on Mouth. It took her less than and hour to crush me and hook up with Lucas. MOUTH: (Frowns) Lucas wouldn't do that. He's with Anna. FELIX: (Looking out.) Really? (Squints and points to Lucas and Brooke who are walking past, smiling. He looks at Mouth.) It's OK to freak out Mouth. (Pause) I did last night. (Felix walks out of the shot and Mouth watches the pair, saddened.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Nathan opens the door and enters, still in his Formal wear. He sighs and closes the door. Haley emerges from the bedroom and walks to him.) HALEY: (Arms crossed.) Hi. (Nathan looks at her.) Sorry. I was um... I was wrong last night and... I found your letter from the camp and I want you to go(!) NATHAN: (Tired of fighting.) It's not about the camp, Haley. (Pause) It's about trust. (They look at each other. Neither saying a word for a long moment.) NATHAN: I want you to stop working with Chris. HALEY: He's incredibly talented, Nathan. NATHAN: (Sterner) I want you to stop seeing him. (Haley doesn't say anything, getting sadder by the second before she finally answers.) HALEY: I won't do that. (Nathan doesn't respond, he turns and quietly walks out of the apartment. The door shuts behind him. Haley looks at the empty space that Nathan was occupying.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Brooke pushes her way through a throng of people crowding the hallway. She is not at all happy when she stops at Peyton's locker.) BROOKE: Hey. (Peyton turns to her.) Wanna hear about my window? (Peyton waits.) Somebody bashed in my car windshield last night. You believe that? I mean, could things get any worse? (Peyton shuts her locker door. Sprayed, vertically, across it in red is the word 'DYKE'.) PEYTON: You wanna ask me that again? (The locker is between them; Brooke and Peyton on either side. People stop walking and look at it. Brooke looks around.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - BENCHES - DAY] (Felix sits at the benches, talking to his friends when a piece of paper is smacked against his shoulder. He takes it, looks at it and then up at Brooke.) FELIX: What's this? BROOKE: An estimate for my windshield. (Felix messes with the paper and Mouth watches from behind.) FELIX: (Looks at the estimate and scoffs.) And you think I did it? BROOKE: (Nastily) I know you did. FELIX: I didn't break you window baby... just your heart. BROOKE: (Scoffs) Please(!) (Flicks the paper, snarks, and walks away.) (Felix grins and punches another guys shoulder.) (Brooke sits on the bench next to Peyton.) BROOKE: (Drops her bag on the bench.) With men like that in the world, it's a wonder we're not gay! PEYTON: (Frowning) See the way everybody's looking at me? BROOKE: (Tilts her head and comforts her.) Nobody's taking this seriously. PEYTON: Really? Because half the girls in P.E. wouldn't change in front of me. BROOKE: (Shrugs) It's 'cause you look better than they do, naked. (Smiles at Peyton but Peyton looks away, squinting.) Do you have any idea who did it? (Peyton shakes her head.) Well... if you ask me, they did you a favour; boys love lesbians. (Smiles good-heartedly. Brooke tries to help.) Come on. The old P. Sawyer woulda just rolled with this. PEYTON: Yeah, well I haven't been the old P. Sawyer in a while have I? BROOKE: (Takes her hand and pats it.) Hey, your real friends are here for you. (They smile slightly at each other. Peyton suddenly looks up and sees Anna. Peyton and Brooke smile welcomingly at her. Anna, looking tense and avoiding eye contact, walks straight past the pair as if she didn't even see them.) BROOKE: (Scoffs disbelievingly.) Unbelievable(!) PEYTON: (Putting the water bottle in her bag.) OK, you know what, I'm gonna get outta here. Do you wanna come with me? BROOKE: (Opens her mouth regretfully.) Yeah... but... I have a quiz next period and if I miss it - PEYTON: Nah it's... it's cool. I'll see ya later. BROOKE: OK. (Shot of Anna sitting with Felix. She watches Peyton as she walks away. Peyton's scowling. Lucas watches Peyton walk away and sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RECORDING STUDIO - RECORDING BOOTH - DAY] (Chris sits on a stool with his guitar, strumming. A door at the back opens and Nathan walks into the studio. Nathan opens the door to the booth and Chris looks up.) CHRIS: What's up? (Nathan stares at him unblinkingly.) Looking for your wife? NATHAN: You're funny. You're also done messing with Haley. CHRIS: We're just rehearsing, man. NATHAN: No, you were rehearsing. That's over now. CHRIS: Why? (Pause) Can't you trust her? I mean, isn't that what this is about? (Puts his guitar down.) You love her... you married her... (Stands and walks over to Nathan.) but can you trust her? Cos if you can, (Pause) you got nothing to worry about right? (Smirks and hold his hand out.) Come on, man, I don't have a problem with you. (Nathan pauses for a second before grabbing Chris around the neck and pushing him up against the wall. Nathan holds Chris' arm against the wall with his free hand. Chris grabs Nathan's hand to get it off from around his neck but he can't. He's actually scared.) NATHAN: You see, you do have a problem with me; a big problem(!) You could smile and act cool if you want to but the fact is, man: I used to destroy guys like you. Daily. (Chris is petrified.) It'd be a shame if something happened to this hand; you couldn't play that little guitar anymore huh? (Chris tries to get away but Nathan pushes him back.) Just like it'd be a shame if you were taking advantage of Haley. (Looks at Chris for a second before he lets him go.) (Chris rubs his neck as Nathan walks away.) NATHAN: (Turns back at the door.) Don't cry rock star (Pause) ruin your make-up. (Exits) (Chris looks around himself, jittery.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (The camera pans to Peyton who's on the phone. It rings and she waits.) PEYTON: (Sighs) Pick up(!) (Call diverts.) MACHINE: (Through the phone.) You've reached Sawyer dredging. If you'd like to leave a message for Larry Sawyer, please do so after - (Peyton hangs up the phone.) (She puts the phone down and leans against the desk. There's a knock on her door. She looks up and sees Lucas.) LUCAS: (Hand still on the door.) Hey(!) (Lowers his hand.) PEYTON: Hey. LUCAS: So uh... (Walks into her room.) I saw you cut out of lunch today. Just... wanted to know how you were doing. PEYTON: (Looks down and shrugs slightly.) Been better. (Lucas tilts his head. Peyton's on the verge of crying.) LUCAS: (Walking forward.) Hey. Come here. (Peyton walks forward and into his hug.) LUCAS: (Indicating her bed.) Sit down. (They sit on the edge of her bed. Peyton sighs and looks down.) So do you know who wrote it? On your locker. PEYTON: (Looks at him and shakes her head.) No. I don't even wanna know. I just want it to all... go away. Just... all of it. (Lucas looks at her bedside table and sees the torn up picture of Jake and Jenny. He picks it up.) LUCAS: You miss Jake huh? PEYTON: (Frown and looks at him with red eyes.) You should go. LUCAS: Peyton(!) PEYTON: No- (Struggles) Yo-OK. You can't just walk in here and ask me something like that! (Pause) When is the last time we even had a conversation about something real? LUCAS: (Defensively) I just thought you could use a friend. PEYTON: Yeah, I could use a friend, you know but you (Points to him.) don't qualify as that anymore, Lucas, because a real friend would know about all the crap I've been dealing with lately. LUCAS: (Trying) Like what? PEYTON: (Pauses, the fight going out of her.) Just go. Please. LUCAS: (Nods) OK. I'll go. (He stops at the door.) Whatever you think... I really do care about you, Peyton. (Leaves.) (Peyton looks at her doorway reservedly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KEITH'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Keith stands in the room, boxes surrounding him, looking out of the window. The camera closes in on him. A door clicks.) JULES: (o.s) You sneaking away without saying goodbye? (Keith turns to Jules who is closing the door behind her, smiling.) KEITH: Oh, actually I was um... (Looks around.) I was thinking about staying. Dan offered me a management position at the dealership. JULES: (Frowning as she walks further into the room.) Did you say no to Charleston?! KEITH: Well, not yet but... (Jules is upset.) I might. JULES: (Pause) You know I care about you Keith. (Puts her arms around his waist.) KEITH: Yeah. JULES: Then listen to me. I know how much teaching in Charleston means to you. I've seen you light up when you talk about it. KEITH: (Smiles) Not as much as I light up when I talk about you. JULES: (Smiles) One of the reasons I fell for you was your independence. (Pause) You made your own way in the world. You brother's business is his. Charleston is yours. Don't let him take that from you. (Keith ponders and nods a tiny bit.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - DAY] (Lucas is sitting on his bed, reading a book. There is an urgent knock on the door. Haley enters.) HALEY: Can I give you a piece of advice? LUCAS: Nice to see you too. HALEY: Next time you wanna lie about something, you might wanna make sure your mom is in on it. She told me about Nathan sleeping here last night. LUCAS: Haley, (Hold his hands up defensively.) Nathan just needed some time. If you were here, I'd have done the same thing. (Haley opens her mouth to argue.) KAREN: (o.s in another room.) Lucas Eugene Scott! (Haley looks at the doorway.) LUCAS: (Worried) Oo, that sounds bad. HALEY: (Amused) Eugene? (Lucas looks at Haley with his mouth open and sighs. His door opens and an angry Karen enters. He looks at the door.) KAREN: Why would you lie to me(!)? HALEY: (Mumbling) Yeah, get in line. LUCAS: (Looks at Haley before returning his attention to Karen.) Mom, what are you talking about? KAREN: Dan's heart condition. (Accusingly) Is it genetic? LUCAS: (Sighs and looks down.) Yes. KAREN: Why didn't you tell me? (Haley starts to look worried.) KAREN: What kind of doctor doesn't call me?! LUCAS: (Sits up in bed and puts the book down.) Mom, I told him you were in Florence. KAREN: Why?! When there's a fifty percent chance you have a genetic heart defect! (Haley looks at Lucas.) HALEY: Nathan- LUCAS: (Intervening) No, he's... fine. He doesn't have it. He took the test. KAREN: (Hands on hips.) But you didn't? LUCAS: (Nods) Who told you? KAREN: (Sternly) You are taking that test. LUCAS: No! I'm not. KAREN: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! HOW CAN YOU BE SO RECKLESS AND CAVALIER ABOUT A POTENTIALLY FATAL CONDITION? HALEY: (Softly) I'm gonna go home. (Waves and leaves. Lucas watches her.) KAREN: You're gonna give me the name of the doctor that you've spoken with and you're packing a bag because I'm driving you to that test. (Walks to his drawers and opens the top one.) LUCAS: (Expression sour. Stands) NO, I'M NOT TAKING THE TEST. I DON'T WANNA KNOW! KAREN: WHY NOT?! LUCAS: FOR LOTS OF REASONS. BASKETBALL... THE WAY I WANNA LIVE MY LIFE. KAREN: LUCAS, BASKETBALL IS A GAME! (Lucas looks away and scoffs.) NOW I AM GLAD THAT YOU HAVE A TALENT BUT DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT I WILL PUT A GAME BEFORE YOUR LIFE? (Returns to his drawer.) LUCAS: (Defiantly) I would. KAREN: Oh, grow up! THAT TRAGIC HERO CRAP ONLY WORKS IN THE MOVIES (Goes through his drawer.) AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DON'T SHOW YOU AFTER THEY FADE OUT? The hero's mother putting her foot up his ass! LUCAS: (Scowling) Mom, you can threaten me all you want but you can't make me take that test. KAREN: (Slams his drawer shut and turns to him.) I SURE AS HELL CAN! (Pause) YOU THINK ABOUT THAT! (Lucas looks at her, trying to work out what she means.) Until you come to your senses, your basketball days are over(!) (Turns to the door.) LUCAS: Mom! KAREN: (Turning back.) You need parental permission to play and you just lost yours. (Slams his door shut.) (Lucas sits down unhappily.) FADE TO BLACK: [SCENE_BREAK] COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - EVENING] (Skills, Fergie and Junk stand in front of the basketball hoop. Mouth is sitting on the bench. Lucas walks up behind them as they talk to themselves.) LUCAS: Hey guys! Let's jump. (Hold out his hands for the ball. They turn to him as one and look at him. Lucas waits.) How bout a little two-on-two? Come on. SKILLS: Luke, I don't know much man but I do know one thing; (Pause) You damn sure aint touching no ball round here. LUCAS: (Not believing.) Alright, what's going on? FERGIE: Your mom told us bout your heart. MOUTH: She said you'd be in danger if you played. SKILLS: Yeah, we'd be in danger if we let you play. JUNK: (Hugging the ball.) She was scary Luke. LUCAS: Look guys, I'm fine. SKILLS: It might be true... but we'll let your mom tell us that for sure. (They look at him.) Let's go. (Skills, Mouth, Fergie and Junk walk off the court as Lucas watches them, unhappily. He goes to talk to Mouth but Mouth carries on walking. Lucas sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Haley sits at the counter, waiting for Nathan. She picks up the bracelet that he gave her on his first ever tutoring session. She smiles and puts it on. The door opens and she turns to it. Nathan enters and closes the door. Haley walks to him and hugs him.) NATHAN: What going on with you? HALEY: I heard about you heart test. NATHAN: (Looks down at her.) I'm fine. HALEY: Are you sure? (Nathan nods.) I'm not gonna see Chris anymore. (Shakes her head.) I don't want it to come between us. I just-I don't want anything to come between us. (Hugs him again. Nathan puts his arm around her shoulders and smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - MAIN SHOP - EVENING] (Lucas, angry and annoyed, walks into Dan's dealership.) DAN: (Upon seeing him.) Lucas(!) LUCAS: (Accusingly) You told my mom about the heart test(!) DAN: (Doesn't deny it.) Well I'm glad she knows. If it forces you to reconsider. LUCAS: (Glaring) You promised me. (Glares some more before he turns back to the exit.) DAN: (Hurriedly) Lucas! (Lucas stops and turns his head slightly.) What did you see when you died? (Lucas faces him fully.) After the accident; when your heart stopped. What'd you see? (Lucas squints but doesn't answer.) Because when my heart failed, I saw you. (Pause) Your mother can't bear to lose you, Lucas. (Pause) Neither can I. (Lucas squints some more.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Peyton is sitting on her bed, looking at the ceiling. The camera closes in on her and pans to show Anna at the doorway, knocking. Peyton lifts her head and sighs.) ANNA: I... I rang the doorbell. PEYTON: (Turns the music down.) I know. I just didn't wanna answer. ANNA: (Looks down and gathers some courage.) I'm sorry I blew you off at lunch today. PEYTON: (Pissed) You know, it's really starting to be a pattern; you showing up in my room to apologise to me. ANNA: (Pause) You're right. But... (Turns her head and walks to some vinyls.) at my last school... there were some rumours about me. (Peyton sits up.) About a relationship I was having. (Looks down.) With another girl. (Peyton raises hey eyebrows.) I tried to ignore it but the stories just... kept getting worse. (Shakes her head.) Until, finally, my parents decided to move us here. And that's why Felix is so protective of me. He was really happy in our last town. PEYTON: OK, but I thought you said they were just... (Shakes her head.) rumours. ANNA: (Sadly) It doesn't matter(!) You know how high school is. (Flips through Peyton's music.) Once a story gets out, it-it... might as well be true. (Peyton sighs.) So when I saw your locker, and the way that people were looking at you, I guess... it scared me. (Pause) It was... a horrible time for me Peyton. (Looks at her sadly.) What are you gonna do? PEYTON: (Shaking her head.) I don't know. ANNA: You could always just... let it go. I mean, you're not gay. Right? PEYTON: (Doesn't answer, starts to stand.) Come here. (She walks over to one of her records and pulls a NOFX CD out.) Read that. ANNA: (Takes the record.) (Reading) First they put away the dealers... then they put away the prostitutes... then they shoot away the bums... and... beat and bash the queers... (Looks at Peyton.) Turned away asylum seekers, fed us suspicions and fears, we didn't raise our voice, we didn't make a fuss... it's funny, there was no one left to notice- PEYTON: (Finishes the lyric.) when they came for us. (Looks at Anna squarely.) Anna, it's not about who I am, OK? It's about who they are, they are people who hate and they divide and the feed off of people that don't fight back(!) Yeah, I... I could laugh this off. But... what about the girl that can't? (Pause) Who's gonna help her? (Raises her eyebrows.) Silence only makes them stronger. (Anna looks down.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FELIX'S HOUSE - THE DRIVEWAY - DAY] (Camera pans along Felix's car. The air in the wheels has been let out. He stops in front of his car and looks at them. He looks at Brooke who is sitting outside her own house in a rocking chair. She shrugs snidely holds her glass up and toasts him. Felix glowers and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton stands in front of an easel. A t-shirt is clipped to it and she is using a spray can on the front.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - DRIVEWAY - DAY] (Lucas sits behind the wheel of a tow truck and takes Brooke's car away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RECORDING STUDIO - RECORDING BOOTH - DAY] (Chris is sitting there, strumming the guitar and singing. Haley walks into the studio and stands behind the man at control.) MAN: (Looks around.) Hey, Haley. (Watches Chris.) You here to see Chris? HALEY: (Watches him sadly. The man turns to her.) Oh, sorry. Um... (Laughs) You know what, I'll Uh... I'll catch him later. It's OK. (Smiles, looks back and then leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton continues to spray paint the top, concentrating hard. She stops and looks at it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KEITH'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Jules shuts the door and turns into the room, frowning. The camera pans to show that all the boxes have gone and things are back in their normal places.) JULES: Keith? KEITH: (o.s) Hey. (Jules looks at him standing in the doorway.) I um... I accepted Dan's offer. (Smiles) (Jules looks away, wide-eyed.) You know, Charleston was always about... hope for me, Jules; a place where maybe I could... find something special. But I found that right here. (Walks up to her.) With you. You've given me that hope. (Keith smiles at her and she doesn't know what to say.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - DRIVEWAY - DAY] (Brooke's car is back. Lucas is wiping the new windshield. Brooke walks to him.) BROOKE: You are the best. (Lucas smiles.) What do I owe you? LUCAS: (Stops wiping the windshield and stands next to her.) Nothing. I called in a couple of favours. (They stand unnaturally close together.) BROOKE: (Pleased) Are you serious? (Anna walks up the path to them. Brooke hugs Lucas.) BROOKE: (Almost inaudibly.) Thank you. ANNA: (Announcing her presence.) Hi Brooke! BROOKE: (Lets go of Lucas and turns to Anna.) Hey(!) ANNA: (To Brooke.) Hi (To Lucas.) Hi LUCAS: (To Anna.) Hey. (Anna kisses him on the cheek.) ANNA: You ready? LUCAS: Yeah. ANNA: OK. (To Brooke.) Bye. (Waves and walks to the front of the pickup, getting into the passenger side.) BROOKE: Um... so... LUCAS: I guess I'll... (Smiles) see you at school. BROOKE: (Smiles, nods.) Yeah. (Lucas smiles back at her, Brooke waves and watches Lucas get into the pickup and drive away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY] (Slow motion off of peoples shocked faces as they step aside. Camera switches to Peyton's nervous face as she walks down the hallway. People look and smirk openly. The camera zooms out slowly to show Peyton's top has 'DYKE' spray painted across the top of it in red.) (Camera is still in slow mo as Peyton continues to walk down the corridor. She sees Anna who looks back but doesn't say anything. Peyton continues past, sour expression in place as Anna turns slowly to watch the journey.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - BENCHES - DAY] (Lucas walks across the pathway. Mouth catches up to him, running.) MOUTH: Hey, Luke! (Lucas turns his head to Mouth.) Can I talk to you? (Lucas watches Mouth as he looks around, clearly jittery and unsettled.) MOUTH: I heard that you fixed Brooke's windshield. LUCAS: (Smiling) Yeah, you know, she needed some help. MOUTH: Well I wanna pay for it. (Goes into his bag.) I took some money out of the bank. (Holds out some money.) LUCAS: (Smiles) Mouth, you don't have to do that, alright? (Taps his arm.) MOUTH: Please! I want to. LUCAS: Mouth- MOUTH: I'm the one who did it. (Pause) I broke her windshield. (Lucas isn't smiling anymore.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY] (Peyton is loading her locker with school supplies. Mr Turner, the Principle walks up to her. She shuts her locker.) MR TURNER: Miss Sawyer, you know we have a policy regarding wardrobe that's offensive or (Looks at her locker.) profane. PEYTON: (Pointing to her locker.) Does that policy extend to lockers, cos you haven't removed that yet have you? (Smirks at him.) MR TURNER: (Sighs) You know the drill; go to the office and change or be sent home. PEYTON: (Gapes) OK, Mr Turner, have you ever heard of Victor Hara? (He makes no move of assent.) No? Um... he was this musician, right, and he fought in justice with his songs and when they broke his hands and when they taunted him, he just sang even louder(!) MR TURNER: Look, Peyton, oppression's not exactly a mystery to me OK? I feel your pain. PEYTON: (Harshly) NO... no you don't. OK, I'm sorry, but you don't know anything about my pain(!) MR TURNER: Maybe so (Pause) but there are counsellors you can talk to. Literature you can read. PEYTON: OK, I'm-I'm not gay! Mr Turner. But you know what; if I was I wouldn't let other people tear me down because of it and I SURE AS HELL WOULDN'T BE LOOKING FOR MY ANSWERS IN-IN ONE OF YOUR PAMPHLETS! MR TURNER: (Not budging.) Policy is clear Peyton. Remove the shirt or be suspended. (Peyton looks at the people whispering.) PEYTON: Fine(!) (She takes the top off, leaving her in a red bra.) (The students whistle and mumble. She throws the t-shirt at him.) PEYTON: Can you hear my song now, Mr Turner? (She turns and walks to the exit.) MR TURNER: (Calling after her.) Enjoy your suspension Miss Sawyer. (Peyton doesn't stop; she walks determinedly out of the school. Students continue to talk and mutter amongst themselves.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - DAY] (Camera pans.) MOUTH: (Sighs) You probably think I'm an idiot. (Mouth and Lucas are walking at the edge of the river. Lucas has his hood up.) LUCAS: Actually, I'm kinda hoping you have an evil twin. (Looks at him.) Look, vandalising Brooke's car... Mouth, that's just not you. MOUTH: (Sighs again.) I guess that's why I did it. (Pause) Girls see me as their little brother. They always tell me how nice I am. LUCAS: Well that's cos you are nice! That's why you have so many friends, Mouth. MOUTH: And no girlfriend. (Lucas looks away defeated.) Haley fell for Nathan when he was a jerk. Brooke went for Felix. Luke, you've screwed up a lot this year and you've had a different girl every week. (Lucas scoffs and turns to Mouth.) MOUTH: Sorry. I just... I try to be honest with Brooke. I told her the truth and then she left with Felix anyway. LUCAS: (Pulls down his hood and sits next to Mouth on the bench.) Yeah, to end things with him(!) MOUTH: But I didn't know that at the time. All I knew was that I was at another party where... everybody had someone, but me. (Pause) Then I... kinda got drunk. LUCAS: (Eyebrows raised.) You were drinking? MOUTH: Sort of. I had... one drink. But it was a big one. Next thing I knew, I was at Brooke's house. LUCAS: Wait, you drove to Brooke's house... wasted(!)? MOUTH: I rode my bike. (Pause) I... fell a couple of times. (Lucas laughs humourlessly.) MOUTH: In the morning, (Pause) I felt terrible about what I did and even worse when I found out you fixed it. LUCAS: (Shakes his head.) You know she thinks Felix did it. MOUTH: (Nods) I know... and I'm gonna tell her the truth. (Mouth nods. Lucas shakes his head.) You know, I like Brooke a lot. (Shrugs) I guess I have for a long time. But it was OK when you guys were together. (Pause) I guess I always thought your hearts were the same. (Lucas smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Brooke is smiling manically as she uses a red marker to draw something on a paper propped up in front of her. A letter is slipped under the door. Brooke hears and turns to it. She caps the pen and picks up the letter.) (She walks out of her bedroom and sees Felix walking away.) BROOKE: Hey! (Felix continues.) Hang on a second! (Felix turns.) What is this!? FELIX: (Sincerely)...That should cover your window. BROOKE: (Triumphantly) Then you did do it. FELIX: No. I didn't. (Brooke scoffs, opens the envelope and takes out three $100 bills and a photo of Felix and a girl.) BROOKE: (Holds up the picture.) Who's the ho? FELIX: She not a ho. Her name's Kayla and she was my last girlfriend. (Brooke makes a face and looks away.) FELIX: We dated for two years. I was never happier. (Pause) Then, one day... she passed me a note... and that was it. BROOKE: I don't believe you. Cos you said you only do 'Friends with Benefits'. FELIX: I have, since then. See, I was just like you Brooke. Doing 'Friends with Benefits' because I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. (Pause) But I guess it doesn't matter. (Swallows, turns and walks away.) (Brooke stares after him, torn.) BROOKE: So what, I'm supposed to believe you didn't break my windshield but you're paying for it anyway? FELIX: (Turns around.) You don't have to believe it. (Pause) Any of it. But it's true. (Turns and continues on his way.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - EVENING] (Lucas is playing basketball when Nathan walks up behind him. Nathan looks at the benches, puzzled. The camera pans to show Junk, Fergie and Skills sitting on the bench, watching.) NATHAN: (Pointing at them.) What's with them? LUCAS: (Catches the ball and looks at his friends.) Oh, huh, Dan told my mom about the HCM test. (Smiles) I guess that's my bad for trusting him to keep a secret right? NATHAN: (Smile becomes forced before it disappears altogether.) He didn't tell her. (Lucas looks at Nathan.) I did. I told her. LUCAS: (With forced calm.) Why? NATHAN: Because I knew that if she found out, she'd make you take the test. LUCAS: She's not gonna make me take the test and that SUCKS THAT YOU TOLD HER! (Nathan looks away.) AFTER I COVERED FOR YOU WITH HALEY! NATHAN: About where I crashed for a night, not about my life(!) (Skills stands and walks to the pair.) LUCAS: You know what, whatever. You promised me. (Pause) Guess Dan's not the only one I can't trust. (Bounces the ball and walks off.) SKILLS: Hey, yo, Luke. He's right, man. (Lucas turns back angrily.) I mean you're wrong not to take that test, dawg. (Fergie and Junk are standing behind Skills too.) (Lucas scoffs.) Come on man, it's not fair to us or your mom. LUCAS: Unbelievable(!) (Pause) You know what, Skills, (Chucks the ball at him.) Why don't you just run with Nathan from now on(!) SKILLS: (Catches the ball.) How bout you take the test and we all run together? (Fergie nods and Nathan looks at Lucas.) (Lucas, hurt, turns and leaves. Shot of Nathan, Skills, Junk and Fergie looking at Lucas and each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Brooke is sitting on her bed in a nightgown. She's propped up on one elbow, thinking. There's a knock at the door. Peyton enters.) PEYTON: Hey. BROOKE: (Sitting up.) Hey! Um... I was gonna call you... in a while. PEYTON: Um... I'm sorry to just drop by. (Tearfully) I just need somebody to talk to. (Sits on her bed.) BROOKE: Stop(!) PEYTON: I just-I need you, Brooke(!) I just... there's so much stuff piling up and I don't think I can handle it anymore. BROOKE: OK. Well what's going on? Talk to me, I mean... you said you're not feeling like yourself but what's wrong? PEYTON: Just everything! (Pause) You know, like Karen is really counting on me at the club and I don't even have a band! You know, and I'm suspended and that's gonna look great on my transcripts and (Pauses as she looks at Brooke.) and I miss Jake and... Jenny... and my mom. BROOKE: Hey(!) It's gonna be OK. PEYTON: I should be stronger than this, you know, I should and I don't wanna be a person that... that needs help but I... I feel all alone. BROOKE: You are not alone(!) (Peyton looks down.) OK, you have me no matter what(!) (Peyton leans back and lies on Brooke.) BROOKE: Come here. PEYTON: (Sad, but happy.) Oh, I'm just glad you're not seeing Felix anymore, I missed you. (Brooke looks a little uncomfortable and bites her bottom lip.) BROOKE: (Pause) Um... yeah, I - (Brooke's cut off as her bathroom door opens and Felix comes out in jeans, no top, wiping his hair with a towel. Everyone freezes.) FELIX: Oh(!) Hey. (Brooke stares, open-mouthed as Peyton gets off her bed.) PEYTON: (Slightly embarrassed.) Oh god, um... BROOKE: (Trying to stop her.) No, no. PEYTON: No, I'm sorry to interrupt. BROOKE: (Holding onto her arm.) No, Peyton. Don't go. PEYTON: (Walks to the door.) It's cool, I'll call you later. BROOKE: No! Peyton! (Peyton exits. Brooke sits up on her bed, looking at the door. Felix stands there, unsure of himself. She collapses onto the bed defeated.) CHRIS: (v.o) # I'll let you know, [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RECORDING STUDIO - RECORDING BOOTH - EVENING] (Chris sits at the mic, singing and playing his guitar.) CHRIS: # When it comes, When it comes, I'll let you know, But don't stay up for me, no, Don't wait up for me. # (Haley enters the booth from behind and knocks to announce her presence. He turns.) HALEY: (Smiles) Hey(!) CHRIS: (Turns and smiles.) Hey. HALEY: Sounds good. CHRIS: (Nodding) Thanks. It's getting there, you know. HALEY: (Sits and smiles.) Uh, listen. I uh... I hope you know how much I appreciate everything that you've done for me. (Chris understands her flow. He smiles and nods.) Um... But I-I don't... really think we should work together... anymore. CHRIS: So it got to you? Nathan. HALEY: No, I just, I think it's for the best. (Pause) You know? CHRIS: (Starts to stand.) Well... it's just as well. You know those... labels from New York? (Stands and so does Haley.) They offered me a... showcase. I think I'm gonna take it. HALEY: (Pleased for him.) Wow, that's great Chris. CHRIS: Yeah. I'm leaving tonight, so I won't be able to... play the show at TRIC anyway. HALEY: Oh. CHRIS: So... I guess this is goodbye. HALEY: (Smiles and nods.) Well. (Walks up to him and hugs him and pats his shoulder.) Thanks. (She steps back.) CHRIS: (Softly) Wait, Haley, come here. (He kisses her and Haley does nothing to stop it. She kisses him back.) (They separate and Haley just looks at him.) HALEY: What are you doing? CHRIS: ...Haley. HALEY: (Hurt) Is that what this was all about; you just hitting on me? CHRIS: Haley, it's OK. HALEY: No, it's not OK. I ca- (Pause) I can't believe- (CHRIS: I want you to take this.) HALEY: you just did that. (He gives her a bus ticket.) CHRIS: Come with me to New York. HALEY: (Takes the ticket and looks at it.) What!? (Lowers it.) In case you missed something: I'm married(!) CHRIS: So you made a mistake. Are you gonna let that keep you from the rest of your life, Haley? HALEY; I did not make a mistake! CHRIS: Haley, you owe it to your music. You owe it to yourself. (Pause) Your dreams are a bus ride away. (Haley's upset.) I know you want this Haley. HALEY: (Looks at him for a beat before continuing, unconvincingly.) No, you're wrong, I don't. (Gives the ticket back to him.) I don't want it; I don't want any of it. (Walks to the exit.) CHRIS: (Takes a last attempt.) It was always there between us, Haley. (She stops and turns.) Whether you admit it or not. (Haley leaves, confused.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRIC - ENTRANCE - EVENING] (Peyton is sticking up a paper which reads 'House of Freaks Cancelled!', on the door then she returns to the bar to make more. Anna enters.) ANNA: You cancelling your club night? PEYTON: (Stiffly) Yeah. (Writes more in black marker.) ANNA: Because of the rumours? PEYTON: (Stops and looks ahead.) Because I can't sing and dance. (Glares at Anna and turns away.) You know what, I'd really rather be alone right now. ANNA: (Not making a fuss.) OK. (Pause) But... I just wanted to tell you how inspired I was when I saw you at school today. PEYTON: (Not taking it anymore.) You know what, Anna, that's great! You were inspired, but when I needed you to stand by me, you blew me off! So I don't need you here now! (Anna sulks and leaves the club. Peyton looks quickly before dropping the marker and grabbing her phone.) PEYTON: (Dials. It rings and clicks.) Hey, Rick, it's uh... Peyton. (Camera holds for a second.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - DINING TABLE - EVENING] (Nathan is laying mats on the elaborately decorated table when there's a knock at the door. The door opens and Lucas enters.) NATHAN: Hey man, come on in. LUCAS: (Indicating the table.) Is this my apology? NATHAN: No, this is Haley's apology. I don't owe you one. You know why? (Looks at him.) Because nobody wants to lose you, Luke; (Lucas rolls his eyes and turns away.) Not your mom, not Keith... not Haley, not me. LUCAS: (Walks to the counter and sits.) There's nothing wrong with my heart, Nate. NATHAN: Yeah? That's what you said after you car accident. (Pause) You told me you didn't wanna be afraid to live your life. LUCAS: That's right. NATHAN: Well I don't buy it, Luke. I think there's something in your heart you're running from. LUCAS: (Smirks, sighs and looks away.) OK, what are you: psychic? NATHAN: (Completely certain.) You can make jokes about it all you want (Pause) but you know there's a girl you had feelings for. LUCAS: (Unnerved) Nathan- NATHAN: Look me in the eye. Tell me I'm wrong. (Lucas looks at Nathan but can't say it.) See? (Luca nods.) Now you can be mad at me all you want; you can say your heart's fine... but till you tell this girl how you feel... (Shrugs) Your heart's gonna be flawed. You need to talk to her Luke. (Nathan walks out of the shot. Lucas sits there, contemplating.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROAD - PEYTON'S CAR - EVENING] (Peyton is in her car, driving calmly. She's frowning and upset.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Brooke is on the phone to Peyton's answer machine.) BROOKE: Peyton, it's me. Will you call me back; I'm worried about you, OK? (Felix is buttoning up his shirt in the background. Brooke hangs up.) FELIX: (Properly worried.) She'll be OK. BROOKE: (Unhappy) You can go. FELIX: (Frowning) Do I have to? BROOKE: (Impatiently) Felix! FELIX: Brooke. BROOKE: Come on! FELIX: Can I just say what I tried to say at the Formal? BROOKE: (Sits on her bed.) I really wish you- FELIX: (Sits facing her.) I wanna be with you. BROOKE: (Finishes) wouldn't. FELIX: I know it was wrong to lie to you about taking you home after TRIC (Pause) but when you looked at me the way you did, (Smiles to himself.) it felt so good to be looked at like that again. Like you saw the real me. (Pause) And you liked what you saw. BROOKE: (Confused and shakes her head.) You can't do this to me. FELIX: I can't not do it... because I'm tired of hiding from it(!) (Shot of Brooke's unsure face.) I just want you to know; I never once took you for granted. (Pause) Not for a second. (Off Brooke's face. A cross between disbelieving and hopeful.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - BENCHES - EVENING] (Mouth is sitting on the benches, extremely upset.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - THE KITCHEN - EVENING] (Karen opens the door; Deb is standing there.) KAREN: (Smiling) Deb(!) Come in. (Deb enters, looking shifty and uncomfortable.) (Karen looks at her questioningly.) DEB: (Getting straight to the point.) I lied to you. I slept with Keith. (Karen's hurt and speechless.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KEITH'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Camera pans across to show Keith walking while talking to Jules' answering machine.) KEITH: Hey Jules, its Keith. (Pause) Um... (Sits) I'm sorry to leave this on your machine but... (Smiles) I just realised something and I had to say it; (Pause) I love you. (Shot of him smiling.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JULES' HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Shot of the phone as the message from Keith continues.) KEITH: Call me. (There's a click and he hangs up.) (The camera pans to Jules who is sitting on her couch, looking down, upset. There's a laugh off-screen and Jules glares at the person.) DAN: (o.s) Nice work, Jules. (The camera pans quickly to show Dan sitting on his own chair.) DAN: Just like we planned. (Drinks his alcohol.) (Shot of Jules' sad face.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANNA AND FELIX' HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - EVENING] (Lucas walks up to the front door and stands there, nervous. He knocks. The door is answered.) LUCAS: (Smiles) Hey. I'm sorry about this. (Sighs) I... I just... I had to see you. ANNA: Lucas, what's wrong? LUCAS: You know how much I care about you, Anna? Because I do. (Anna smiles.) But there's somebody else. (Anna stops smiling.) And she's a part of my history that... came before you... and I've been lying to myself about the way I feel about her... and I need to see her tonight. (Anna blinks.) Cos I feel like she's slipping away. (Pause. Sincerely.) I'm sorry... Anna. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREETS - EVENING] (Peyton gets out of her car and looks around. She shuts her door and waits, nervously. Rick comes from the side and holds his arms out wide.) RICK: (Smiling) Looking for me? (Peyton looks around. He laughs.) High school girls. Relax. (Peyton nods and smiles, putting her hands into her pockets.) Is this what you're after? (Takes a small packet of drugs out of his pocket and waves it in front of her.) Hm? (Peyton looks around and reaches for it. He pulls it back.) RICK: Got some cash for me? (Peyton's speechless. Her attention is diverted and her eyes widen slightly as she sees someone approach. The camera focuses on the wet pavement as the persons shadow comes into view. It pans up to the persons legs before cutting back to Rick and Peyton. Rick turns.) RICK: (Leans back against her car.) You know this guy? (Camera cuts back to the person as the camera continues to travel up. He's still walking towards Peyton.) (Peyton opens her mouth, speechless.) (The camera finishes panning up and stops to show Jake, hair cut, looking disappointed and with no Jenny in sight.) PEYTON: (Gaping before saying to herself, with a smile.) Jake(!) (Camera cuts back to Jake as he stands there, not saying anything but also not happy.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - DINING TABLE - EVENING] (Nathan lights candles at the table, still waiting for Haley. Nathan sits, sighs happily and waits for her. He looks at his watch and then out of the window.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEW BRUNSWICK COUNTY TRANSIT AUTHORITY - EVENING] (Chris stands before the woman checking tickets before people get onto the bus. He waits, hoping that Haley will show. He's just about to hand his ticket over but stops when he sees someone walking towards him. He puts his bag down and smiles as Haley appears. She stops in front of him.) CHRIS: (Nodding) I knew you'd come. HALEY: (Looks down and whispers.) I... (Looks up.) I was on my way home to Nathan and I just... (Wipes her tears away.) ended up here. INTERCOM: Number 42 now departing for New York City; gate 5. (Chris turns to the speaker then takes out Haley's ticket. Haley looks at it.) CHRIS: You ready? (Haley looks up at him but doesn't move a muscle.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Brooke is still sitting on her bed with the same expression she was wearing previously.) FELIX: (Coaxing) Brooke, talk to me. (Brooke glances at him.) Just... just tell me how you feel. (Brooke doesn't make a noise. Felix waits and then stands up to sit next to her on the bed.) I know it's scary... and I know you had a tough time with Lucas... but just tell me if you can show me your heart. (She's very close to crying. Torn by if she wants him or Lucas.) Because if you do, I'll guard it with my life. (Brooke takes a deep breath, looks up but still doesn't answer.) FELIX: Just say OK. BROOKE: (Shrugs sadly before whispering.) OK. (Turns and smiles, nodding.) OK. (She kisses him. The camera pans slowly to her open doorway. Lucas appears and walks further into the light. Close up of Lucas' wounded expression.)
Plan: A: Nathan; Q: Who is concerned about Lucas's health? A: Karen; Q: Who does Nathan tell that Lucas didn't take the heart test? A: Dan; Q: Who offers Keith a job at the dealership? A: Peyton; Q: Who must confront the rumors that she is a lesbian? A: Anna; Q: Peyton's lesbian status affects her friendship with whom? A: Haley; Q: Who does Nathan begin to grow apart from? A: Social Distortion; Q: What band did the episode "Haley and Nathan" take its name from? Summary: Nathan is concerned about Lucas's health, so he tells Karen that Lucas didn't take the heart test. Dan offers Keith a job at the dealership, as vice-president. At school, Peyton must confront the rumors that she is a lesbian, which affects her friendship with Anna. Nathan and Haley begin to grow apart. This episode is named after a song by Social Distortion .
1.17 - The Breakup, Part 2 [Lorelai and Rory hugging] LORELAI: Tell me what happened. RORY: We broke up, we just broke up. LORELAI: But I don't understand. RORY: We - we went to dinner and then we walked by the bonfire but it wasn't lit so we went to this junkyard and we sat in this car and then - oh God! LORELAI: What? RORY: I forgot your meatball in the car. LORELAI: Oh honey, forget it. RORY: Oh I can't believe I left your meatball in the car. LORELAI: Ok, ok, come on [as they sit on the couch] RORY: After I told the waiter to wrap it up and everything. And everyone was like ‘what do you want with one meatball?' And I was like ‘It's a mother/daughter thing.' And I'm sure he thought I was nuts but he was so nice and he did it anyway and he uh, he brought one of those tin foil swans or duck or some kind of bird and - and then I left it in the car. LORELAI: Ok, forget about the meatball ok? Just tell me what happened. RORY: He just broke up with me ok? LORELAI: That doesn't make sense. This is Dean we're talking about. He's crazy about you. He calls like 25 times a day. Have you seen the cover of his notebook? It's one step away from stalker material. RORY: I have to go to bed. [gets up and heads for her room] LORELAI: Well, wait. Take me through the night step by step. RORY: Why? LORELAI: So I can help decipher what happened here. RORY: What happened here is we broke up. He didn't want to be my boyfriend anymore, end of story. LORELAI: That is so not end of story. RORY: Yes it is. LORELAI: Honey, he did not plan an entire romantic evening complete with dinner and a junkyard, which we'll get back to later, and then suddenly decide to dump you for no reason. RORY: How do you know? [as she pulls out a box from her closet.] LORELAI: Because I have read every Nancy Drew mystery ever written. The one about the Amish country, twice. I know there's more to the story than what you're telling me. What are you doing? RORY: I'm getting rid of all this stuff. LORELAI: What stuff? RORY: Everything he gave me, everything he touched, everything he looked at. LORELAI: Honey, will you just calm down for just one second. RORY: He doesn't want to be my boyfriend - fine. LORELAI: Ok ,it will be fine but - [taking one of the shirts Rory was about to put in the box] RORY: What? LORELAI: Mine. RORY: Oh. LORELAI: Is there someone else? RORY: No. LORELAI: Is he moving? RORY: No. LORELAI: Uh, is he dying? Did his football team lose a game? RORY: What ? LORELAI: It's happened. Did he, um, try something? RORY: What? LORELAI: You know, did he wanna RORY: What? LORELAI: Did he wanna go faster than you - RORY: God no! LORELAI: Ok, ok, I'm sorry. RORY: Jeez.. LORELAI: You're just not giving me a lot to go off of here. Honey that's your fancy dress that I made for you. RORY: That I wore to a dance that I went to with him. LORELAI: Oh yeah. Sweater's brand-new. RORY: Well he saw me in it yesterday and he liked it. LORELAI: Well then he's got good taste. RORY: He said it brought out the blue in my eyes. LORELAI: Well then he's gay. RORY: You're not funny and it goes. LORELAI: I'm a little funny and if you throw away everything Dean ever saw you wear you're gonna be walking around in a towel. Colonel Clucker? Are you serious? He has been with you since you were four. RORY: The first time Dean came over, he picked it up. LORELAI: Well that's the not the colonel's fault. He was sitting there minding his own business and a guy comes in and picks him up, what's a stuffed bird to do? RORY: I don't want to joke about this, not now. LORELAI: Ok. RORY: Here. [giving her the box] I don't want to look at that anymore. LORELAI: Ok, I'll, um, I'll put it away. RORY: No, take it out of the house. Throw it in a dumpster, burn it, I don't care. Just - I want it gone. LORELAI: You know honey, some day, when all of this is in the past, you may be sorry that you don't have some of those things anymore. RORY: I don't care. LORELAI: But Rory - RORY: I don't care! LORELAI: Ok. Fine. It's gone. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: So I'll take care of this and you go to bed and get some rest. Maybe you'll fell more like talking in the morning. RORY: Ok. LORELAI: Honey, good night. RORY: Mom LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: Far, far away from the house ok? LORELAI: Hey, it sleeps with the fishes. RORY: Thank you. [Lorelai puts the box in a closet instead and covers it with a blanket.] [Pan to morning. Lorelai's bedroom] RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Mmm. RORY: Mom get up. LORELAI: Rory what's the matter? RORY: Nothing, I just want to get started. I made a list of all the things we say we're going to do on the weekend but then when the weekend comes around you say they're too boring to actually do one a weekend day, so then you say we'll do them during the week, which of course we never do. So I think that we should get them all out of the way today once and for all. And to make it interesting, we should come up with like a reward system so once we're done with everything on the list we could go get manicures or we could go to the Swiss place for fondue for dinner or we could stuff our purses full of sour patch kids and milk duds and go see the Stars Hollow elementary school production of ‘Who's afraid of Virginia Woolfe.' LORELAI: It's 6:00. RORY: I know. LORELAI: On Saturday morning. RORY: That's right. LORELAI: It's 6:00 on Saturday morning! RORY: Do you want to wear docks or sneakers? LORELAI: I want to wear slippers. RORY: Up please. LORELAI: Rory, my heart. It is Saturday, the day of rest. RORY: Sunday's the day of rest. LORELAI: No, Saturday is the day of pre-rest. RORY: Pre-rest? LORELAI: Yeah, so that way when you actually get to Sunday you're rested enough to enjoy your rest. RORY: That makes absolutely no sense. LORELAI: That's because it's 6:00 on Saturday morning. [Rory uncovers her] Oh jeez! RORY: Up please! LORELAI: You make a rhyme. RORY: I'll see you downstairs. LORELAI: Ugh! [Pan to Lorelai coming down the stairs. She turns to go into the kitchen and stops, turns back to look at the living room only to find all the furniture moved around. Heads into the kitchen] LORELAI: Hello. Did you rearrange the furniture? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: Good, cause for a minute there I thought we were having a problem with decorator elves and I was gonna have to call an exterminator and tent the place but it was just you. Great. Good. So now was there any reason that you just suddenly felt the need to move around large pieces of furniture first thing in the morning? RORY: I was up, it was there. LORELAI: Ok good thought process. Great. Now I noticed you didn't move the tv though. RORY: It was too heavy. LORELAI: Right, ok. Well I like this, yeah, this is good. Now of course when the sofa actually faced the tv it made it a little easier to watch but you know this is good too. It'll be like um, you know like radio. RORY: Are you ready to go? LORELAI: Yes I am, just uh, just one quick sec. Um, why don't you - could you put the pen down? RORY: Just finishing the list. LORELAI: Yes I see and as much as I love your list, let's just finish this particular one in a little while ok? RORY: Ok. LORELAI: Rory, I'm concerned about you. I wish you would talk to me. RORY: I don't want to deal with it right now. I can't deal with it right now. LORELAI: Fair enough. But listen, I've had my heart broken before. It's really hard. It's hard for everyone, so can I give you a little advice. RORY: Ok. LORELAI: I think what you really need to do today is wallow. RORY: Wallow? LORELAI: Oh yeah, get back in your pajamas, go to bed, eat nothing but gallons of ice cream and tons of pizza, don't take a shower or shave your legs or put on any kind of make up at all and just sit in the dark and watch a really sad movie and have a good long cry and just wallow. You need to wallow. RORY: No. LORELAI: Rory, your first love is intense and your first break up even more intense. Shoving it away and ignoring it while you make lists it's not gonna help. RORY: I don't want to wallow. LORELAI: Try it for one day. RORY: No. LORELAI: One day, one day of pizza and pajamas. I'll rent ‘Love Story' and ‘The Champ', 'An Affair to Remember', ‘Ishtar'. RORY: I don't want to be that kind of girl. LORELAI: the kind of girl that watches ‘Ishtar'? RORY: The kind of girl who just falls apart because she doesn't have a boyfriend. LORELAI: That description hardly applies to you. RORY: It will if I wallow. LORELAI: Not true. RORY: So I used to have a boyfriend and now I don't. Ok, that's just the way it is. I mean sitting in the dark eating junk food and not shaving my legs isn't gonna change that, is it? LORELAI: No. RORY: Ok, so I don't even want to go there. I have things to do, I have school and Harvard to think about. LORELAI: Honey, Harvard is like three years away. RORY: But now is the time to be preparing for it. I mean Harvard is hard to get into and I don't know why I even spend my time thinking about anything else. LORELAI: Because you have a pulse and you are not the president of the audio visual club. RORY: I'm 16, I have the rest of my life to have a boyfriend. I should be keeping my eye on the prize right now. LORELAI: I admire your attitude. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: So should we rent ‘Old Yeller' too or is that just a guy's crying movie. RORY: You're not listening to me. LORELAI: I am listening to you, I just - I don't agree with you. RORY: I don't want to wallow, and you can't make me. LORELAI: Ok. Fine. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: So that must be the list. RORY: Yes it is. LORELAI: May I see it please? We do not need a garden hose. RORY: We don't have one. LORELAI: We don't have a garden either. RORY: But maybe if we have a hose we can grow one. LORELAI: Can I see the pen please? RORY: Why? LORELAI: Small adjustment, small adjustment. [writes something on the list and hands the list back to Rory] RORY: Mom... LORELAI: What? It's on the list. Don't you have to do it if it's on the list?! RORY: I'm not going to wallow [crossing it out] LORELAI: But I put it after going to the recycling center. CUT TO STREET [Lorelai and Rory walking] LORELAI: What are all these people doing up? It's Saturday morning. RORY: Some people like getting up early. LORELAI: You lie. RORY: No they do it voluntarily. LORELAI: Really? RORY: Everyday. LORELAI: Ha! Jumpback! RORY: Excuse me? LORELAI: Kevin Bacon, Footloose, reaction to the no dancing in town rule is revealed to him by Chris Penn, brother to Sean, sage to all. RORY: I shoulda known. LORELAI: Yes you should. I don't know what they teach you in that damn school. [Rory stops walking] What? RORY: I can't go that way. LORELAI: Why, we're going to Luke's. RORY: No. LORELAI: You pull me out of bed at 6:00 in the morning and then you say ‘no' to Luke's? Don't you know how dangerous that is? RORY: I can't go that way. LORELAI: Reason please? RORY: Because we'd have to go by Doose's market. LORELAI: So? RORY: So we might run into - LORELAI: Oh. RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: Right. Um, you don't know if he's working? RORY: I don't remember. His weekend schedule changes a lot. LORELAI: Ok, well we'll just take the long way. RORY: No. LORELAI: Why? RORY: We'd have to go by the school. LORELAI: But there's no school today. RORY: But on his days off from work he plays football at the school with some of his friends. LORELAI: Well what time? RORY: It varies. LORELAI: Ok, well we'll just go down Peach street, we'll circle around, you're shaking your head why? RORY: He lives on Peach. LORELAI: Rory, honey, love of my life, you realize you've completely cut us from Luke's where the happy coffee is. RORY: I'm sorry. LORELAI: No, it's ok, it's ok. Ok, we'll just um, well, we'll figure something out. CUT TO ALLEY RORY: Sorry. LORELAI: No, this is good. This is like ‘G.I. Jane' but we get to keep our hair. RORY: I just couldn't. LORELAI: Oh honey, say no more. Think of this as an adventure. Two girls battling the elements, desperate for survival. RORY: Or coffee. LORELAI: Same thing. RORY: You know I bet you can tell a lot about people from their garbage. LORELAI: Yeah. RORY: Think about it, trash is discarded aspect of people's lives. LORELAI: Hmm. RORY: It talks about their eating habits, what they read, do they go to concerts, are they responsible, do they pay bills on time? LORELAI: Yeah, you do know honey, that garbage doesn't actually talk at all unless it's on Sesame Street. RORY: I'm just trying to make a point. LORELAI: That going through people's garbage is interesting. RORY: And educational. LORELAI: And stinky and a little nuts. RORY: There's nothing nuts about wanting to know more about human nature. [picking up an article of clothing from a pile of garbage] Curiosity is how we grow. LORELAI: Bah! [making her drop it and pulling her out of the alley] We have to get you out of this alley. CUT TO LUKE'S [Lorelai and Rory enter from the back.] LORELAI: Who are all these people? RORY: It's the 6:00 am crowd. LORELAI: I officially recognize nobody in this place. RACHEL: Hey. LORELAI: Oh hi. RACHEL: Coffee while you wait? LORELAI: Oh bless you. [she pours coffee] So Luke put you to work huh? RACHEL: Yeah well I figured if I'm going to be hanging around here for a while the least I could do is help out. LORELAI: So you're gonna be hanging around for a while...here? RACHEL: Yeah I think so. LORELAI: Oh well that's nice. RACHEL: Yeah. RORY: So where is Luke? RACHEL: Well we were kind of up late last night so I let him sleep in. LORELAI: Sleep in? Luke? RACHEL: Oh believe me it wasn't easy to get him to agree to it, but in the end, a little sweet talk, a couple of Excedrin PM he finally caved. RORY: Hey there's a seat over there. LORELAI: Great. RACHEL: Oh go, go! I'll be over in a sec. LORELAI: Ok. RORY: I feel like everyone is staring at me. LORELAI: Well yeah, because you've got a banana peel stuck to your foot. RORY: I do? LORELAI: I'm kidding. Nobody's staring at you. RORY: They know. LORELAI: They don't know. RORY: It's probably all around town by now. LORELAI: Honey it just happened last night, it's like 6:00 in the morning. RORY: Everyone knows that I've been dumped. LORELAI: Do you want to go home? RORY: No, we have a list. LORELAI: Ok great. I'm gonna order us something. Any preference - eggs, french toast, key to the dumpster? RORY: I don't care. LORELAI: Ok, I'll be right back. [heads for the counter and runs into Miss Patty] MISS PATTY: Lorelai, what a nice surprise so early in the morning. So how's things? LORELAI: You know don't you? MISS PATTY: Yes and I feel awful. I feel completely responsible. LORELAI: Well you should. [smiling] MISS PATTY: Well I got Dean that job and I certainly encouraged them, I felt they were so right together. LORELAI: Miss Patty, please don't say anything to Rory about it, she's a little concerned about everybody finding out. MISS PATTY: Oh of course, not a peep. LORELAI: And spread the word ok? MISS PATTY: Consider it done. Oh and Lorelai, would you give the angel a hug for me. I mean you don't have to say it's from me, just give her a hug. LORELAI: Got it. MISS PATTY: Ok. [leaves. Lorelai head for the counter as Luke comes down the stairs] LORELAI: Oh well, uh, good morning sleeping beauty. LUKE: Yeah, well you know Rachel thought I looked a little tired. LORELAI: No, it's good. You need a little break. LUKE: I guess. LORELAI: You do. So she seems pretty comfortable here huh? LUKE: Yeah well she always could just fit in places you know. It's a talent of hers. LORELAI: She looks good in your apron. LUKE: Yeah well, can I get you anything? LORELAI: Oh, um, do you think you could make those really crazy chocolate chip pancakes and go extra heavy on the chocolate? LUKE: Yeah sure, any special occasion? LORELAI: [sighs] Dean broke up with Rory. LUKE: What?! LORELAI: Keep it down, she doesn't want anybody to know about it. LUKE: Oh I knew it, I just knew that kid was trouble. LORELAI: Yes you did, you knew it. Pancakes please. LUKE: Oh God, he's got a nerve. I mean what does he think he's gonna do better than Rory? Is he crazy? Jeez. Alright, well forget it ok. Good riddance, adios, bienvenidos, hasta la vista. LORELAI: Could we get off the small world ride and start cooking please? LUKE: How is she? LORELAI: She's been dumped by her first boyfriend. LUKE: Oh man, I swear I would love to - ok, I'm gonna put some whipped cream on the pancakes too. LORELAI: Thank you Luke. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Not a word ok? LUKE: I got it. [Lorelai turns around and sees Kirk talking to Rory] KIRK: I never liked him. I don't know what it was, something about the shape of his forehead or his height or the floppy hair style. Actually yes, on reflection I think it was the floppy hair style. LORELAI: Hey good morning Kirk. KIRK: Lorelai, I want to express my apologies for not voicing my concerns about that floppy haired jerk earlier because if I had - LORELAI: Oh you know what - you need to leave now. KIRK: I cannot go until you accept my apology. LORELAI: I accept your apology. KIRK: Alright. LORELAI: Ok. KIRK: It will not happen again. [Kirk leaves] LORELAI: Ok. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: Honey are you sure you don't want to - RORY: Don't say ‘wallow'. LORELAI: Swallow your coffee before you eat? RORY: I am fine. LORELAI: But if you could see the look on your face. RORY: It's the same look you had on your face when you broke up with Max. Did wallowing help you get over him? LORELAI: I'm not saying wallowing will help you get over Dean. It's part of the process. It's the mourning period. It's a step, an important step. The only thing that will get you over somebody is time. RORY: How much time did it take you to get over Max? LORELAI: I'm not sure exactly. RORY: Approximately? LORELAI: I didn't clock it. RORY: Ballpark figure? LORELAI: A while. RORY: Be vaguer. LORELAI: Rory come on. LUKE: More coffee? Pancakes are coming right up, anything else I can get you? RORY: No thanks. LUKE: Hey I've got some strawberries back there, you like strawberries don't you? RORY: Yeah I like strawberries but - LUKE: I'm getting you strawberries. [moves to the next table] RORY: You told him didn't you? LORELAI: No. Miss Patty did. [Luke sees Dean heading towards the diner and as he goes out to meet him, Rory and Lorelai keep talking.] RORY: Well who told Miss Patty? LORELAI: I don't know, numerous sources. [Pan to outside diner] LUKE: Stop right there. DEAN: What? LUKE: Where are you going? DEAN: To get coffee. LUKE: Wrong. DEAN: Excuse me? LUKE: You're not going in there buddy. DEAN: What are you talking about? LUKE: Turn around bag boy. DEAN: Are you serious? LUKE: Do you see a smile on my face? DEAN: No but what's different about that? LUKE: What's that supposed to mean? DEAN: It's just that you're not exactly known as the town crack up. LUKE: So you're a smart guy now huh? DEAN: What are you doing? LUKE: Just exercising my right not to serve you. DEAN: What are you talking about? I'm not even inside yet. [tries to get away but they end up wrestling] Let go of me! LUKE: You first. [Pan to inside] RORY: If you tell Miss Patty, everybody in town is gonna know. LORELAI: Honey people have their own lives and their own problems. I hardly think you and Dean breaking up is the main thing on their minds. [sees Luke and Dean wrestling outside] Oh my God! Oh! RORY: What? [sees them wrestling] Oh my God. [Lorelai and Rory run outside] LORELAI: Hey, hey, hey, cut it out! Break it up! [to Luke]You back off! Come here! What do you think you're doing?! LUKE: He started it! LORELAI: By doing what? LUKE: He was coming in. LORELAI: Are you a lunatic! He's 16! LUKE: Well what was I supposed to do?! LORELAI: Well stand in the middle of the street and have a slap fight of course! Come here! [taking him inside] RORY: [to Dean] Are you ok? DEAN: I'm fine. RORY: Oh good, I don't know what go into Luke. He's usually so - DEAN: I have to go. RORY: Oh sure, bye. [leaves as Luke follows him] LORELAI: Get inside now. Inside - now! LUKE: He started it. [goes inside.] LORELAI: Hey. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: So where's that list? RORY: What? LORELAI: The list, we've got a lot to do Missy, otherwise I'm gonna be dragging your butt outta bed at 6:00 again tomorrow morning. So, where do we start? RORY: [pulling out list] Well we need a soap dish for the kitchen LORELAI: Ah, a kitchen soap dish. Quite decadent but what the hell, let's go. CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE [Girls come in with bags] RORY: Well that was a very successful outing for us. LORELAI: Yes it was. RORY: We got everything on the list except for the brown extension cord. LORELAI: Which will be in on Tuesday. RORY: So I think that that qualifies as a check too. LORELAI: Are you happy? RORY: I appreciate a job well done, yeah. LORELAI: I can't wait to try the toaster pizza. It looks so gross which is usually the mark for a great junk food. RORY: Beefaroni. LORELAI: ‘nough said. RORY: I'm gonna go plug in my new wall air freshener. Give me five minutes and then come sniff my room. LORELAI: Cheese or pepperoni? RORY: Whatever. [goes into her room and closes the door] LORELAI: Both. Good choice. [Babette enters] BABETTE: Hey Sugar, I just heard. Where is she? Poor little thing. Rory sweetie! LORELAI: Come on. [pulling her outside] BABETTE: What? Is she outside? LORELAI: Uh, well yeah. [outside] Babette I appreciate you coming over like this bur Rory's not really in a talking mood just now. BABETTE: But I can help. LORELAI: I know you can. BABETTE: I can tell her how you have to go through a lot of bad relationship's to get to that really good one. LORELAI: No, it's very good advice. BABETTE: Oh yeah and I can tell her about all the horrible men I've known in my day. LORELAI: Oh that'd be great. BABETTE: Really truly awful men. LORELAI: Babette. BABETTE: I was pushed out of a moving car once. LORELAI: Now that's a peppy little anecdote. [In the house, Rory comes out of her room and overhears them.] BABETTE: Let me tell her. LORELAI: Oh I want you to tell her all that but just not now. BABETTE: Is she really bad? LORELAI: She'll be fine. Really. [Rory goes back into her room and lies on the bed. Looks at her wrist where the bracelet that Dean made her used to be. She gets mad at herself for feeling that way and picks up her books to try and study. Madeline's party invitation slips out from some papers. She picks it up and goes out into the kitchen] LORELAI: [coming in] Oh they had some of our mail. RORY: Look [handing her the invition] LORELAI: Madeline's having a party. RORY: I'm going to go. LORELAI: You're going to a Chilton party? RORY: Yes I am. LORELAI: Honey, why don't you just stay home and read ‘The bell jar'? Same effect. RORY: Hey, I'm going to be going to school there for the next two and a half years. It wouldn't kill me to be social right? What's wrong with that? LORELAI: Nothing. RORY: Ok then it's settled. LORELAI: Um, can I make a suggestion? RORY: Go ahead. LORELAI: Why don't you see if Lane can come with you? You know that way if the socializing doesn't turn out how you planned you got a friendly face around. RORY: Ok, good idea. Thank you. LORELAI: You're welcome. RORY: Can I take the car? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: Can I borrow something to wear? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: Are you gonna give in to anything I say because you feel sorry for me? LORELAI: Yes! RORY: I'll make a list. [Pan to that night. Rory and Lane getting ready.] RORY: Here, hand me that blush. LANE: Ok. RORY: Am I all twisty back here? LANE: Oh, a little. Here. [fixes dress] So how are you? RORY: I'm...fine. LANE: How are you really? RORY: Life goes on right? LANE: You know I saw Dean today. I wasn't sure if I should tell you. RORY: Why not? LANE: I mean I wasn't sure you'd want to know. RORY: No, that's fine. What'd he say? LANE: Nothing. He crossed the street as soon as I saw him. RORY: Oh. LANE: But if it's any consolation he looks really sad. RORY: I don't want him to be sad. LANE: Rory are you sure you want to go out tonight? RORY: Why does everyone keep asking me that? LANE: Because you just broke up. I mean I'd be perfectly fine to just hang out here and listen to music and talk, not talk, whatever. RORY: No, I am not hanging out. We are going to this party. It's gonna be great. I don't want to dwell on this. That's final. LORELAI: [entering room] Don't argue with her or you'll find yourself the proud owner of three garden weasels. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Three cause one's just not enough. Here, turn around. RORY: Why? LORELAI: 14 hours of labor that's why. [clicks her tongue] RORY: Fine. LORELAI: And hair. [puts a necklace on Rory] RORY: What is this? LORELAI: I thought it would go with your dress and it does. RORY: It's pretty. LORELAI: Yeah it's really pretty. Here. Here is the phone and some mad money. If for any reason you think you're not going to be home by 12:00 you call me. LANE: Oh we'll be back by 12:00 LORELAI: Hi, call me. LANE: Sorry. LORELAI: Rory? RORY: The cornstarch. LORELAI: What? RORY: Um the cornstarch. The first time Dean kissed me he - I forgot to put it with the other things. I'll just throw it out. LORELAI: Hey why don't you let me do that, you guys get going ok? RORY: Ok. LORELAI: Ok, bye. Have fun. Ooh hey, look in somebody's sock drawer. Rich people have hilarious sock drawers. Be good. [Rory and Lane leave. Lorelai puts the cornstarch with the rest of the stuff and pulls down her ‘Max box'] [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO SOOKIE'S LORELAI: Hey. SOOKIE: Hi, Lorelai, hey. LORELAI: I wanted to ask you - [Sookie runs back into the house] SOOKIE: Uh-huh, sure whatever. LORELAI: [left at the door] Sookie? Hello? Sookie honey. SOOKIE: Yeah. Hi, ah! How are you? [as she tries to look into the kitchen] LORELAI: Good, I'm fine, how's that xray vision coming? SOOKIE: Jackson's inside. LORELAI: Is he doing something dirty? SOOKIE: He's making me dinner. LORELAI: Oh! Oh that's so nice. SOOKIE: Yeah it is. It really is, it's sweet. I'm just - do you hear something? LORELAI: Like what? SOOKIE: Like someone using the wrong size pan to sweat the onions in. [knocks and chuckles] LORELAI: No, nothing like that. SOOKIE: Ok well maybe I'm hearing things. So hi, how are you? LORELAI: Fine. So I wanted to see - SOOKIE: Could you peek inside the kitchen for me and tell me if the orange cruse is on the left burner. LORELAI: Why don't you just go in there? SOOKIE: Yeah well now I would but Jackson kicked me out. LORELAI: He did. SOOKIE: Yes and he won't let me back in there and it's driving me crazy. LORELAI: Well maybe he just wants you to relax, I wouldn't mind that either actually. SOOKIE: Just take a peek for me will you? Tell him you want some water. And here. Take a picture for me. LORELAI: Oh Sookie. I am not spying on Jackson. SOOKIE: What if he's using the wrong spoon in the wrong sauce? LORELAI: Then the world as we know it will end. SOOKIE: I have to go in there. JACKSON: [bursting through the doors] You stay right where you are. SOOKIE: Jackson you're being unreasonable. JACKSON: Sookie when a person offers to make another person dinner because this person happens to be a chef and is always cooking for others, that is what happens to be a nice gesture. SOOKIE: Yes but - JACKSON: And when that person accepts the first person's offer, that means that the first person, the one who offered to cook, would actually be doing the cooking while the other person relaxed, had some wine and stayed out of the kitchen! SOOKIE: I wasn't cooking, I was suggesting. JACKSON: Well you suggested the ladle right out of my hand four times! SOOKIE: I had to skim the top of the sauce or it would've gotten all - JACKSON: Damn it Sookie, this is supposed to be romantic! SOOKIE: It is! JACKSON: Stay outta here. I am cooking this meal alone. I am also cleaning up alone. SOOKIE: No. JACKSON: Oh yes. SOOKIE: But you don't know how to load my dishwasher, I have a system. JACKSON: I'll wing it. [goes back into the kitchen] SOOKIE: There's a diagram in the pantry - use it. I'm begging you![yells from the doorway] JACKSON: I'm doing two loads, just because I can! LORELAI: Honey try and sit down and relax. It's nice what he's doing. SOOKIE: I know you're right. It is nice. Ok, alright...I'm sitting, I'm relaxing, I'm focusing on you. LORELAI: Good. Um actually I wanted to ask you a favour. SOOKIE: What? LORELAI: Could I take your car for a little while, Rory's got mine and there's something I want to do. SOOKIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah of course. What's so important? LORELAI: Oh um, I'll tell you later. SOOKIE: It sounds serious. LORELAI: I'll have it back to you as soon as I can. SOOKIE: Take your time, I'm in for the night. LORELAI: Ok, bye hon. SOOKIE: Bye. [sighs. There's a crash in the kitchen] What happened?! What did you do? CUT TO MAX'S APARTMENT LORELAI: Hi. MAX: Lorelai what... LORELAI: Rory and Dean broke up. MAX: Oh, well, I'm sorry. Rory - LORELAI: Yeah, Rory and Dean broke up and um, she won't wallow. And I told her that she should wallow you know because that's supposed to help you get through the pain and then you can accept it and then you can get over somebody and you can move on with your life. And then she asked me how long it was before I got over you and I didn't know what to say you know because I can't lie to her, and I realized that if I gave her any time frame at all I would be lying because I'm not over you and I don't know how long it will be before I am. And who am I to be teaching her about healing and moving on and breakups any how. I mean I might as well be teaching her how to eat fire or swallow a sword or put her legs behind her head you know, because at least that's a trade. I mean the first two are, I don't know about putting the legs um, behind your head, but the point is that I'm an idiot and I'm a hypocrite and I really miss you. MAX: Do you want to come in? LORELAI: Yes please. CUT TO MADELINE'S HOUSE LANE: Wow, this is unbelievable. My wedding won't be this big. RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: This is amazing! People live here? RORY: This is Madeline's house. LANE: Is this what your grandparents house looks like? RORY: No. I mean it's big but it's not this Hearst castlely. LANE: I mean there should be a map or a tour guide or Robin Leech or something. RORY: Hey Lane. LANE: Yeah? RORY: Thanks for coming with me. LANE: Anytime. Oh my God, there's a pool table. RORY: And a deejay. LANE: It's like a teenage Sodom and Gommarah. MADELINE: You came! RORY: Yeah. LOUISE: Who's watching the farm? RORY: Madeline you house is beautiful. MADELINE: Thanks it's my stepfather's. LOUISE: So where is he? MADELINE: My stepfather? He's in Japan. LOUISE: No not your stepfather. Prince Charming? RORY: He didn't come. LOUISE: Why? RORY: His white horse was in the shop. LOUISE: You guys didn't break up did you? LANE: Hi, I'm Lane. LOUISE: As in ‘walk down a...'? LANE: Yes exactly. MADELINE: Hi I'm Madeline. [two guys come up and wrap their arms around Louise and Madeline.] GUY: So when does the tour of the pool house start? MADELINE: You've seen the pool house before. LOUISE: Yes but they haven't seen it at night right? GUY: Right. MADELINE: But - LOUISE: Madeline, you are not confused. Think. Process. Focus. MADELINE: Oh! Bye! LOUISE: Later Paris. PARIS: No glove no love. LOUISE: Lovely. PARIS: So I didn't think you were much of a party girl. RORY: I'm not usually but I thought I might come by and check it out. PARIS: Same exact people we see at school except now we get to see them dance. So where is your boyfriend? RORY: We, um, we broke up. PARIS: Oh. Well at least you had a boyfriend for a while. RORY: So do you know, um, which way would lead us to some soda? PARIS: Keep up because I'm not turning around. LANE: Wow, you didn't exaggerate. RORY: Paris needs no embellishments. LANE: All this soda is French. PARIS: Madeline's mother has a French fetish. She's obsessed with all things French. French wine, French food, French water, French cellulite products. TRISTIN: Look why won't you answer me? SUMMER: Because you didn't say 'please'. TRISTIN: Summer. SUMMER: Can we do this later? There's a party going on. TRISTIN: Just tell me what you were doing locked in the bathroom with Austin. SUMMER: Nothing. TRISTIN: Nothing? SUMMER: Yup. TRISTIN: No. SUMMER: Well why don't you tell me what I was doing since you seem to know everything. TRISTIN: Hey you are my girlfriend. SUMMER: Ooh now he's a caveman. What are you doing to do, know me on the back of my head with a club and then drag me back to your Porsche? TRISTIN: Summer please. SUMMER: Ooh, good song. [turns around and dances. Tristin looks around the room then leaves.] PARIS: I just love that Summer don't you? 9:45. RORY: Why do you keep checking your watch? PARIS: My mom says I have to stay until 10:30. RORY: Why would she care? PARIS: She thinks I'm not enough of a people person. Shocking huh? RORY: I'm floored. PARIS: Yeah well, I doubt highly that Madam Curie was voted most likely to dress like Jennifer Lopez. RORY: You want to be a scientist? PARIS: Cancer research. RORY: Cool. PARIS: Yeah. LANE: Oh no. RORY: What? LANE: It just figures that the only Korean boy at this party has his Korean girl radar turned on. HENRY: Hi. LANE: Hi. HENRY: I'm Henry. LANE: I'm Lane. This is Rory and Paris. PARIS: We've met. HENRY: Paris. So would you like to dance? LANE: Oh well we're talking here. HENRY: Oh yeah, but I mean one dance? You can put the conversation on hold for one dance right? Unless this is a mid-east peace talk kind of conversation. LANE: One dance. HENRY: A short one. No crazy dance mixes. LANE: Ok. HENRY: Thank you. LANE: [taking off her coat and handing it to Rory whispers] If I'm not back in one dance you're coming down with a really bad case of anything that means we had to go home. RORY: Whoa is it getting warm here or is it just me? LANE: Thank you. PARIS: Unbelievable! She's here five minutes she has a date. I've been going to this school nine years and I'm the French soda monitor. [Rory walks around and finds a place to put her and Lane's coats. She walks around the house and sees Tristin leaning again a wall watching Summer dance with some guy. She watches him for a second then moves on.] CUT TO MAX'S [Lorelai and Max are kissing] LORELAI: Just in case this comes up later, I did not come here for this. MAX: Ok, go it. LORELAI: Ok. MAX: Oh this is crazy! [separating] LORELAI: No it is, it's nuts. It's nuts. MAX: I mean I don't see you for months and then all of a sudden - LORELAI: Ding-dong Avon lady. MAX: It's insane. LORELAI: Completely. [they kiss again] You do that so good. MAX: [stopping again] Ok, we've got to get a grip here. LORELAI: I thought that's what we were doing. MAX: You know you're going to sit over there on that couch. LORELAI: Fine. MAX: And I'm gonna sit here on this - on this chair...far away from the couch. And I'm gonna put this table right in between us just like that. Good. Ok. And we're gonna sit here and talk about this calmly. LORELAI: Sounds good. MAX: How you been? LORELAI: Good, really good. MAX: Oh you look really good. LORELAI: So do you. MAX: I missed you. LORELAI: Oh I'm glad. Otherwise that greeting there would've been a little innappropriate. MAX: You know actually, I've been thinking about us lately. LORELAI: You have? MAX: Haven't you? LORELAI: No. MAX: No? LORELAI: No. I haven't given it any thought at all. MAX: I'm flattered. LORELAI: No, I needed not to give it any thought at all otherwise I would give it too much thought and that would be hard and so I just didn't deal. Like mother like daughter I guess. MAX: Oh I understand. LORELAI: So, with all the thought you've been giving it, have you come up with any great solutions? MAX: No. You're still Rory's mom and I'm still her teacher and we're still us. I got nothing. LORELAI: Oh. MAX: Yeah. LORELAI: So nothing's changed. MAX: Nothing's changed. LORELAI: So I guess my coming here was probably a bad idea. MAX: Probably. [tosses table] Oh screw this. [they stand up and kiss again] CUT TO MADELINE'S [Rory walking around. She sees Lane] RORY: [whispers] Hey am I sick yet? LANE: Not yet. It actually might just be allergies. RORY: Keep me posted. PARIS: My watched stopped, what time is it? RORY: It's 10:35. PARIS: Yes, bye. [runs out of the house. Rory finds a quieter room and sits down and starts to read.] SUMMER: Tristin stop it. TRISTIN: You're making me chase you around the whole party. SUMMER: Just trying t have fun. TRISTIN: Ok you won't talk to me, you won't dance with me, why the hell did you even come with me?! SUMMER: Stop yelling. TRISTIN: Summer please. Can we just go? SUMMER: No. TRISTIN: Please. SUMMER: No. I'm sick of fighting with you. I'm sick of hearing 20 times a day ‘You're my girlfriend'. TRISTIN: Ok could we possibly do this somewhere were a roomful of people aren't staring at us? SUMMER: I think we should break up. TRISTIN: Ok, I really want to go outside and talk about this. SUMMER: Then go, bye. [she leaves] TRISTIN: Summer come on! [Looks around, sees Rory who looks down at her book and he leaves.] [Lane enters the room] LANE: I have a major problem. RORY: What? LANE: Henry, the guy I've been dancing with? RORY: Yeah? LANE: Ok so he's really good in school, he's going to be a doctor - pediatrician to be exact, his parents are extremely involved in their local church. He himself helps out with Sunday school. He speaks Korean fluently, he respects his parents and he's also really cute, very funny and surprisingly interesting. RORY: Lane I'm sorry, but I'm totally failing to see the problem here. LANE: I'm falling for a guy my parents would approve of! They'd love him, they'd go crazy! There'd be dancing in the Kim house! Dancing! RORY: Really? LANE: Followed by a lot of praying but initially there'd be dancing. This is horrible. This can't happen. I have to stop it. We have to go. RORY: But uh - LANE: No now! You need to grab your stuff, we gotta go. RORY: Ok, yeah, ok. Whatever you say. HENRY: Hey. LANE: Henry, hi. HENRY: [to Rory] Sorry I've been monopolizing Lane all night. RORY: Oh no, that's ok. I've had her for 15 years. I'm actually a little sick of her. LANE: Thank you. RORY: Yeah you're welcome. Um we should go. HENRY: [to Lane] Oh you're going? LANE: Oh well - RORY: Yeah. I have to get home - I have a very strict mother. HENRY: Oh wow, sorry about that. You couldn't even stay for one more dance huh? RORY: Yeah I don't think that - LANE: Yes. RORY: Excuse me? LANE: One dance would be fine. HENRY: Great. RORY: But - LANE: I'll be back. CUT TO MAX'S [Lorelai and Max in bed] LORELAI: Well I certainly did not come over here for that. MAX: I know. LORELAI: You are a wonderful man. MAX: I know. So...what happens now. LORELAI: I don't know. It's late. I have to get Sookie's car back. MAX: Whoa, whoa, whoa wait a second. So this is it? You leave and we forget that this ever happened? LORELAI: No. MAX: Then what? LORELAI: I leave and we go on with our lives and then at some point we buy some soup. MAX: Lorelai... LORELAI: What? Soup is good food. MAX: Stop. LORELAI: I don't want to leave here and forget this ever happened. I want to think of a solution that will make everything better. And I've been wracking my brain for an idea. Hence the babbling about soup being good food. But I can't think of anything. MAX: I think we should talk. LORELAI: What? MAX: On the phone - you and me about us on a regular basis. LORELAI: But - MAX: We are not going to solve this staying away from each other. LORELAI: No we're not. MAX: And obviously we're not going to solve this by not staying away from each other. LORELAI: But we'll burn more calories. MAX: I want to solve this. LORELAI: So do I. MAX: So we'll talk? LORELAI: We'll talk. [they kiss] Hey I thought we were supposed to be talking. MAX: There's plenty of time for talk. [they kiss again] CUT TO MADELINE'S [Rory walks into a room and finds Tristin sitting at the piano] RORY: Oh sorry. TRISTIN: No problem. RORY: I'm sorry. TRISTIN: About what? RORY: About you and Summer. TRISTIN: I don't want to talk about Summer. RORY: Ok. How'd you do on that biology test? TRISTIN: What? RORY: The test. It was hard wasn't it? TRISTIN: Yeah it was hard. RORY: I got a B+ TRISTIN: What are you doing? RORY: Talking about the test. TRISTIN: Why? RORY: Because you said you didn't want to talk about Summer. TRISTIN: I don't. RORY: Ok, so I moved to biology. Sorry did you want to talk about spanish? TRISTIN: You just loved it, didn't you? RORY: Loved what? TRISTIN: Seeing me get nailed like that. Must have been a great moment. RORY: Not really. TRISTIN: Please. You loved it, she loved it, everybody loved it. RORY: I did not love it. TRISTIN: I really liked her too. RORY: Yeah I know. TRISTIN: So where's your boyfriend tonight? RORY: He's...not my boyfriend anymore. TRISTIN: Why not? RORY: He didn't want to be. TRISTIN: Idiot. RORY: So's Summer. TRISTIN: You think you'll get back together? RORY: He was pretty set in his decision. TRISTIN: When did it happen? RORY: Yesterday. TRISTIN: Wow. RORY: It was our three month anniversary. TRISTIN: That sucks. RORY: Yeah it does suck. Do you think you guys will? TRISTIN: No, no. No, no, no, no, no. RORY: So no? TRISTIN: No. Hey, I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time for a while. RORY: Oh that's ok. TRISTIN: It is? RORY: Well no, but you're sad. TRISTIN: Yeah well. I am sorry. RORY: I accept your apology. TRISTIN: Oh man, it's a great party huh? RORY: Yeah not bad. It gave me a chance to catch up on my reading. TRISTIN: You are very odd, you know that? RORY: Thank you. TRISTIN: You're welcome. [he kisses her. Rory pulls away crying] I'm sorry, what did I do? Did I bite your lip or something? RORY: No it's not you. It's just - I have to go. [runs out crying.] [Finds Lane] RORY: We have to go. LANE: Rory are you ok? [turns to Henry] I have to go. HENRY: Well wait, can I get your number? LANE: Last name's Kim and we're the only ones in Stars Hollow. [walking away] I can't believe I just came my number to a potential Korean doctor. CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE [Lorelai walks in with a small smile on her face to find Rory sitting on the couch crying eating out of a large bucket of ice cream.] RORY: I'm ready to wallow now. LORELAI: Oh. [Sits on the couch next to her and kisses Rory. She puts a pillow on her lap and Rory lays down and sobs. Lorelai picks up the phone and dials] Hey Joe it's Lorelai. I need a pizza with everything ok? Thanks.
Plan: A: Rory; Q: Who decides to attend Madeline's party? A: Lorelai; Q: Who tells Rory to wallow? A: Stars Hollow; Q: Where do the residents of reach out to console Rory? A: the diner; Q: Where does Luke try to bar Dean from? A: Rachel; Q: Who pitches in to help Luke out at the diner? A: Jackson; Q: Who prepares dinner for Sookie? A: a tough time; Q: How does Jackson feel about keeping Sookie out of the kitchen? A: Lane; Q: Who is torn when she meets the perfect guy at the party? A: Max; Q: Who does Lorelai decide to visit when she realizes how much she misses him? A: Rory attempts; Q: What does Rory do to befriend Tristan? A: Tristan; Q: Who does Rory try to befriend after he has a breakup? A: his girlfriend; Q: Who did Tristan break up with at the party? A: his past bad behavior; Q: What does Tristan apologize for to Rory? A: tears; Q: What does Rory burst into when Tristan apologizes for his past behavior towards her? Summary: Rory decides to engage in a flurry of activity to avoid thinking about Dean, despite Lorelai's advice to wallow; Lorelai runs interference as the residents of Stars Hollow reach out to console Rory and Luke attempts to bar Dean from the diner; Rachel pitches in to help Luke out at the diner; Jackson prepares dinner for Sookie, and has a tough time keeping her out of the kitchen; Rory decides to attend Madeline's party and takes Lane along for company; Lorelai decides to visit Max when she realizes how much she misses him; Lane is torn when she meets the perfect guy at the party; Rory attempts to befriend Tristan after he has very public breakup with his girlfriend at the party, and when he apologizes for his past bad behavior towards her and kisses her, she bursts into tears; at home, Rory sobs to Lorelai that she's ready to wallow now.
Scene: A Chinese restaurant. Howard: Boy, seems like forever since the four of us have been out to eat, you know? Just the guys. Raj: Oh, God! Yes, we get it. You have a girlfriend now. Howard: A little jealous, are we? Raj: No, I'm not jealous. All right, I'd kill a hobo if it'll get me laid. Now, can we order? Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, they re-did the menu. Leonard: So what? It's the same food. Sheldon: Oh, is it? Look at this. General Tso's Chicken is no longer listed under specialties. It's now under chicken. Raj: So? Sheldon: Yes, General Tso. Raj: Not Tso the chicken, so the question. So? Sheldon: So, why is it no longer a specialty? Did the chef lose confidence in the dish or himself? And look over here, shrimp in mobster sauce. What is mobster sauce? Leonard: It's obviously a typo. Sheldon: Perhaps. Perhaps this restaurant's now a front for organized crime. For all we know, the mobster sauce contains actual chunks of deceased mobsters. Raj: No, no, no, no, I think it just means it's the kind of sauce that mobsters like. Howard: It doesn't mean any of that! It's a typo. Leonard: You know what? Let's just get a pizza. Sheldon: Good idea. We'll go to Corleone's. Howard: Sure, no mobsters there. Scene: The stairwell. Sheldon: You know, the more I think about it, the mobster sauce couldn't possibly contain chunks of mobster. Leonard: And why is that? Sheldon: It was listed under seafood. Leonard: What if they were mobsters who slept with the fishes? Sheldon: Leonard, are we having a serious conversation or not? Leonard (noticing their door has been broken open): What the...? Sheldon: The TV is gone. Leonard: So are our laptops. Sheldon: Oh God, oh God, oh, God! It's all right. They didn't take my comic books. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: They took our TV, two laptops, four external hard-drives, our PS2, our PS3, our X-Box, our X-Box 360, our classic Nintendo, our Super Nintendo, our Nintendo 64 and our Wii. Leonard: We like games. Sheldon: Right, games. They took Halo 1, Halo 2, Halo 3, Call of Duty 1, Call of Duty 2, Call of Duty 3, Rock Band, Rock Band 2, Final Fantasy 1 thru 9, The Legend of Zelda, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Super Mario Brothers, Super Mario Galaxy, Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympics and Ms. Pacman. Policeman: Assorted video games. Sheldon: When does the CSI team get here? Policeman: What? Sheldon: In anticipation of their arrival, I've bagged some evidence. One of the thieves had the audacity to quench his thirst while ransacking our home. You should be able to pull some good prints off this. And now, here are my prints so you can rule me out as a suspect. Leonard: What about me? Sheldon: I'm sorry, Leonard. It's too early to discount the possibility of this being an inside job. Leonard: Would I be completely out of line to ask you to shoot him? Policeman: I'd be happy to put him under a 72-hour psychiatric hold. Sheldon: I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. Policeman: We're done here. Call this number, and we'll fax you a copy of the report so you can submit it to your insurance company. Sheldon: I'm sorry, that's the end of your inquiry? Policeman: Do you have any more information that might be relevant? Sheldon: Oh, my goodness. Where do I begin? For instance, my laptop contained four out of the five gedanken experiments necessary for a cogent restatement of the quantum measurement problem. Leonard: How is that going to help them? Sheldon: Well, they could monitor scientific publications and see if anyone posts such a cogent restatement in the next couple of months. If so, the authors are most likely in possession of my stolen laptop. Policeman: Good night, fellas. Come on, Bochco. Leonard: What are we supposed to do now? Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep. Leonard: Does that mean you've ruled me out as a suspect? Sheldon: Oh, how I wish I could. Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Sheldon is restless. He gets up and checks the door is locked. He then moves his chest of drawers in front of the door. Goes back to bed. Sheldon: I do not have to urinate. I am the master of my own bladder. Drat. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: I can't believe it. If I hadn't been working the dinner shift, I would've run right into the robbers. Leonard: Hey, there's no reason for you to be scared. Penny: I'm not scared. I would've gone all Nebraska on their asses. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. Leonard: Hand me the bat. Sheldon: We just had a major crime in the building, and you open the door without asking who it is? Penny: It won't happen again, what's up? Sheldon: Nothing. Just wanted to see if you were both okay. Leonard: We're fine, Sheldon. Sheldon: All right, then. Good night. Penny: Good night. That was weird, even for him. Leonard: Mm-hmm. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. Penny: Who is it? Sheldon: Sheldon. Sheldon Cooper. Penny: Yes? Sheldon: May I come in? Penny: Yeah. Sheldon: I see you're drinking wine. Leonard: Yes, we are. And we're about to go to bed. Sheldon: Uh-huh. Penny: Sheldon, do you want to sleep here tonight? Sheldon: Oh, as small as Leonard is, I don't think the two of you'd be comfortable on the couch. Leonard: What do you want? Sheldon: It's not what I want, it's what evolution wants. Human beings are primates. Primates have evolved to live in groups, both for protection and support. Leonard: But you don't like other people. Sheldon: I do tonight. It's scary over there. Leonard: It's getting scary here, too. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is drawing picture clues on his whiteboard. Penny: Um... three little kittens? Three little pigs? God, I don't know. Star Wars? Leonard: Did we win? Can we go to bed? Sheldon: Good Lord, I could not have made this easier. Hydrogen atom, H, plus pigs minus pea, Higgs. Bow, General Zod trapped in the Phantom Zone. Bow-zone. Pear. Tickle. Pear-tickle. Higgs Boson Particle. How could you not get that? Leonard: He's right, Penny. It's all there. Penny: Look, Sheldon, sweetie, I know you're feeling insecure, but we've really got to go to sleep. Sheldon: All right. I'll take the first watch and wake you at 0400. Leonard: Great. Good night. Penny: Wait, wait, what's 0400? Leonard: 4am. Penny: That's, like, in 45 minutes. Leonard: Just keep walking. (Sheldon checks door then puts TV on his phone) Woman on TV: It's quiet out there. Man on TV: Maybe a little too quiet. Woman on TV: Where are you going? Man on TV: Just gonna take a look around outside. Sheldon: Bad idea. Woman on TV: No, Jim, don't open the door! Sheldon: Listen to her, Jim. Man on TV: Don't worry, there's no one out here. (Sound of woman screaming. Sheldon nods, and turns off TV. Walks down to Leonard's room.) Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny! (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny! (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny! Leonard: Who is it? Scene: Outside the apartment. Howard: All right, we've got a titanium dead bolt and a reinforced jamb controlled by a state-of-the-art electronic access system. Sheldon: What if they cut the power? Raj: There's a 200-watt uninterruptible backup power supply. Sheldon: What if someone steals my keys? Raj: There are independent voice and fingerprint scanners. Sheldon: What if someone kidnaps me, forces me to record my voice, and then cuts off my thumb? Leonard: I'll send them a basket of muffins. Howard: Now, inside, we've got motion detectors, infrared sensors, and cameras connected to a server running state-of-the-art facial recognition software. Leonard: Where did you get all this stuff? Howard: I got a buddy over at the Department of Defence. Leonard: He just gave it to you? Howard: I'm sure he would have if I had asked. Ironically, their security isn't all that good. Penny (entering): Raj, your car is blocking me... (A wire net falls on her, while a computer voice repeats the words "Intruder Alert") What the hell? Leonard: Sorry, let me help you. Sheldon: Wonderful security system if we're attacked by a school of tuna. Howard: Don't worry, the net's going to be electrified. Picture her on the floor, spasming uncontrollably. Sheldon: Better. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Sheldon: Sheldon's journal. Security system in place. However, sleep continues to elude me. I've seen the underbelly of Pasadena, this so-called City of Roses, and it haunts me. Ah, the injustice, I lie here awake, tormented, while out there evil lurks, probably playing Donkey Kong on my classic Nintendo. (Hears a noise. Goes to check, then panics and climbs out window onto ledge.) Oh, dear. I am the master of my own bladder. (Crawls along to Leonard's window, where Leonard and Penny are inside being intimate. Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard and Penny. Penny: Oh, my... Leonard: God, Sheldon. What the hell are you doing out there? Sheldon: I heard a noise. Leonard: It was us. We knocked over a lamp. Sheldon: Why would you knock over a lamp? Leonard: We were going to have... Penny: He doesn't need to know what we were doing, Leonard. Sheldon: Oh! No, she's right, I don't need to know what you were doing. Carry on. (Starts to climb back out of window) Leonard: What are you doing? Use the door. Sheldon: Good thinking. Perhaps I'll check the perimeter and make some warm milk. Leonard: Great, you do that. Sheldon: Would you like me to bring you some warm milk? Leonard: I'm lactose intolerant. Sheldon: And you don't wish to alarm me with any more loud noises, very thoughtful. Warm milk, Penny? Penny: No, thanks. Sheldon: Fine. Good night to you, sir. Miss. Leonard: Sorry about that. Penny: Ugh, what can you do? Here. (From outside there is the sound of the net falling and computer voice saying "Intruder alert." Then Sheldon screaming. They run out to find Sheldon convulsing under the net.) Leonard: Looks like Wolowitz got the net electrified. Penny: Sheldon, are you okay? Sheldon: I'm fine. Although I'm no longer the master of my own bladder. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much more user-friendly than Windows Vista. I don't like that. Leonard: Don't you think looking for a new city to live in is a bit of an overreaction? Sheldon: Our apartment was broken into, our security system tried to kill me, and as a result, I'm leaving Pasadena forever. Tell me how that's overreacting. Penny: Come on, Sheldon, you can't move. Don't you need to stay in one place so the mother ship can find you when it returns? Sheldon: Oh, if that were only true. Unfortunately, as I'm earthbound for the foreseeable future, I need to find a location that's more hospitable than the mean streets of Pasadena. Like Enid, Oklahoma. Low crime rate and high-speed Internet connectivity, but no model train shops. Sorry, Enid. Penny: Is he quitting his job at the university? Leonard: Oh, no, he's going to telecommute. Everybody's really excited about it. Sheldon: All right. Boone, North Carolina. Every summer since 1952, Boone has hosted an outdoor amphitheater portrayal of the life and times of its namesake, Dan'l Boone. Sounds like something that would attract the wrong crowd. Penny, you're from Nebraska, correct? Penny: Born and raised. (Sheldon crosses Nebraska off his map) Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Sheldon is packing. Sheldon: It will take me a few days to get settled. After I do, I will e-mail you detailed PDFs containing diagrams and instructions that will guide you through packing and shipping the rest of my possessions to Bozeman, Montana. In the meantime, please forward my mail. Leonard: Any place specific or just the Bozeman, Montana Loony Bin? Sheldon: I sense you're making a joke, but Bozeman does have a comedy club called The Loony Bin, so do not forward my mail there. Howard: Oh, come on. So you were the victim of a crime. That's part of life. When my great-grandfather first came to this country, he put all his hopes and dreams into this little butcher shop he ran on the Lower East Side of New York. You know what happened? Every customer who walked into that butcher shop and asked for a pound of liver, got ripped off. But, those people moved on, and so should you. Sheldon: I am moving on. I'm going to be a Bozite. Leonard: They call themselves Bozites? Sheldon: They should. It's one of the first things I plan to bring up upon arrival. Penny: Sheldon, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm going to miss you. Sheldon: Please, Penny, as you know, I'm not comfortable with prolonged good-byes and maudlin displays of emotion, so I prepared a short video. Sheldon on laptop screen: Greetings. As you know, I'm not comfortable with prolonged good-byes and maudlin displays of emotion, so I prepared this short video. The four of you are three of my closest friends and one treasured acquaintance. Though I cannot state categorically that my life will be diminished by not having you in it, I am comfortable if you choose to believe that. Since you intend to remain in this lawless metropolitan area, statistics suggest that you will succumb to tragic and gruesome ends before we meet again. Live long and prosper. Penny: Sheldon, that's so... (Turns to find he has gone.) Sheldon (entering again): You might want to lock the door behind me. This isn't Bozeman. Howard (after Raj whispers to him): How the hell do I know who's the friend and who's the acquaintance? Scene: Bozeman, Montana bus depot. Sheldon: That is a bracing cold, an invigorating cold. Lord, is it cold! Man: Help you with your bags, sir? Sheldon: Thank you, fellow Bozite. And may I say, you are the living embodiment of all the promises made by our lovely town's Chamber of Commerce. (Man picks up bags and starts running.) Wait! Wait! Excuse me! (At ticket desk) One ticket to Pasadena, California, please. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon enters. Howard: Hey, look who's back! Sheldon: Interesting. The acquaintance is the first to greet me.
Plan: A: Sheldon; Q: Who fears for his safety after his and Leonard's apartment is burgled? A: his security; Q: What does Sheldon try to increase after his apartment is burgled? Summary: Sheldon fears for his safety after his and Leonard's apartment is burgled, and takes various measures to try to increase his security.
INT. LABORATORY A man in a white coat presses down on a button which switches on a flood light, which silhouettes a familiar outline - a Cyberman. DR KENDRICK: The prototype has passed every test, sir. It's working! LUMIC: I hardly think "working" is the correct word. A wheelchair seating John Lumic emerges from the shadows. LUMIC (CONT'D): That would apply only to machines. DR KENDRICK: I'm sorry. I should say... it's alive. LUMIC: Can it hear me? DR KENDRICK: It might still be in shock. Bear in mind the brain has been welded to the exoskeleton. LUMIC: Skin of metal... (Spins in his wheelchair to face the Cyberman)... and a body that will never age... or die. I envy it. Do you know me? Answer. Do you know me? CYBERMAN: You are John Lumic. Lumic gives a small, satisfied laugh. LUMIC: My child. Mark this day, Doctor Kendrick. We are blessed! DR KENDRICK: Well, it's not quite over yet, sir. We need Geneva's approval. Technically, this is a new form of life. And that contravenes the bio-convention. They need to ratify this. LUMIC: And they will refuse me. DR KENDRICK: Nonetheless, we need to tell them. LUMIC: And if I don't? DR KENDRICK: Well, I'm sorry, sir, but it's my duty. I shall have to inform them. LUMIC: And how will you do that from beyond the grave? DR KENDRICK: I don't quite understand... LUMIC: Kill him. Doctor Kendrick's smile fades, he turns around just in time to see the cyberman grasp his shoulder. His body is engulfed in electric blue light as he yells in pain. Lumic smiles as Kendrick slumps to the floor, dead. He turns to a computer and taps on the keyboard. LUMIC (CONT'D): Captain? CAPTAIN (through computer): Yes, sir. LUMIC: Inform all staff. We have a new destination. Set sail for Great Britain! He smiles in anticipation. OPENING CREDITS INT. TARDIS The Doctor, Rose and Mickey are hanging out in the TARDIS. The Doctor and Rose are both slumped in chairs next to each other while Mickey stands by the console. They are relating a story to Mickey. THE DOCTOR (enthusiastically): And that weird munchkin lady with the big eyes? Do you remember? The way she looked at you! And then she opens her mouth and fire comes out! ROSE (laughing): I thought I was gonna get frazzled! THE DOCTOR: Yeah! One minute she's standing there, and the next minute, rawwwh! He and Rose mimic fire coming out of their mouths, killing themselves laughing. Mickey nods and smiles, not really following. MICKEY: Yeah... where... where was that, then? What happened? THE DOCTOR: Oh, it was on this um... uh, this uh... planet thing, asteroid. It's a long story, you had to be there. Um... what're you doing that for? Mickey has his finger on a button on the console. MICKEY: 'Cos you told me to... THE DOCTOR (blinks): When was that...? MICKEY: About half an hour ago... THE DOCTOR: Um. You can let go now. Mickey lets go. Rose sniggers. MICKEY: Well, how long's it been since I could've stopped? THE DOCTOR: Ten minutes? Twenty? ... Twenty-nine? MICKEY (indignantly): You just forgot me! THE DOCTOR: No, no, no! I was just... I was just... I was calibrating. I was just... no, I know exactly what I'm doing. And the TARDIS console explodes. Violently. Sparks and flames fly everywhere. EXT. THE VOID The TARDIS falls through fire, the time vortex is no longer there. INT. TARDIS The Doctor scrambles to his knees and frantically tries to operate the console. ROSE: What's happened?! THE DOCTOR: The time vortex is gone! That's impossible, it's just gone! EXT. THE VOID The TARDIS falls vertically through the flame, very fast. INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR: Brace yourself! We're gonna crash! They crash, and the Doctor, Rose and Mickey are thrown backwards. Gas masks fall from the ceiling. All the light in the TARDIS has gone out and it is very dark. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Everyone all right? Rose, Mickey? MICKEY (from the other side of the console): I'm fine. I'm okay, sorry. They all stand slowly. The Doctor looks up at the rotor and the console. THE DOCTOR: She's dead. There is a clicking as the engines cool down. Smoke rises from the console. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (whispers): The TARDIS is dead. He walks slowly around the console. ROSE: You can fix it? THE DOCTOR: There's nothing to fix. She's perished. He pulls a lever back and forth fruitlessly. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): The last TARDIS in the universe... extinct. ROSE: We can get help, yeah? THE DOCTOR: Where from? ROSE: Well, we've landed, we've gotta be somewhere. THE DOCTOR: We fell out of the vortex, through the void, into nothingness. We're in some sort of no-place... the silent realm... the lost dimension... MICKEY (from the door, grinning): Otherwise known as London! He laughs and steps out of the door. INT. THAMES EMBANKMENT And into 21st century London. Rose and the Doctor follow him. MICKEY (CONT'D): London, England, Earth. Hold on... He jumps down off the low wall and picks a paper out of a dustbin and looks at the cover. MICKEY (CONT'D): First of February this year, not exactly far-flung, is it? Rose jumps down and looks over his shoulder. THE DOCTOR (jumping down, looking around): So, this is London. MICKEY: Yep. THE DOCTOR: Your city. MICKEY: That's the one. THE DOCTOR: Just as we left it. MICKEY: Bang on. THE DOCTOR: And that includes the zeppelins? Rose and Mickey look up at him, then follow his gaze and turn around, sure enough, the sky is full of zeppelins. MICKEY: What the hell...? ROSE: That's beautiful. MICKEY: Okay. So, it's London with a big international zeppelin festival. THE DOCTOR: This is not your world. MICKEY (confused): But if the date's the same... (he works it out) ... it's parallel, right? Am I right? Like a parallel Earth where they've got Zeppelins, am I right? I'm right, aren't I? THE DOCTOR: Must be. ROSE: So, a parallel world where... MICKEY: Oh, come on. You see it on films. Like an alternative to our world were everything's the same but a little bit different, like... I dunno - traffic lights are blue, Tony Blair never got elected... ROSE (distant): And he's still alive... She gazing at a poster right front of them. It depicts her father, Pete Tyler, a successful businessman, holding a bottle of Vitex. ROSE (CONT'D): A parallel world and my dad's still alive... She makes towards the poster. The Doctor and Mickey follow. THE DOCTOR (sternly): Don't look at it, Rose. Don't even think about it. This is not your world. ROSE: But he's my dad... and... She touches the poster, the picture of Pete springs to life for a moment, says "trust me on this", winks and gives the thumbs up. Rose steps back. ROSE: Oh, that's weird. But he's real! POSTER PETE: Trust me on this. ROSE (happily): He's a success! He was always planning these daft little schemes, health-food drinks and stuff. Everyone said they were useless. But he did it. The Doctor suddenly grasps Rose by the shoulders and bends slightly to look into her eyes. THE DOCTOR (urgently): Rose, if you've ever trusted me, then listen to me now. Rose glances back at the poster. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Stop looking at it! Rose reluctantly meets the Doctor's eyes again. THE DOCTOR: Your father's dead. He died when you were six months old. That is not your Pete. That is A Pete. For all we know, he's got his own Jackie, his own Rose. His own daughter who is someone else, but not you. Rose's eyes start to wander back to the poster, but she tries to stop herself. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): You can't see him. Not ever. Rose gives a tiny nod. Mickey touches her shoulder comfortingly. The poster of Pete says 'trust me on this' repeatedly. EXT. TYLER'S MANSION A posh car with the registration plate "PETE 1" pulls into the driveway of an enormous house. Pete Tyler gets out of the car holding a bunch of flowers. He goes up to the door with them held behind his back, and enters. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, HALLWAY PETE (calling, walking into the hall): Hello? Sweetheart? Only me. Jackie appears on the staircase, looking very rich and very discontented. JACKIE (coming down the stairs, ranting): Oh. The bad penny. Was this your idea? Don't deny it, it's got your fingerprints all over it. (mockingly, thumbs up). "Trust me on this". Oh, I can trust you all right. Trust you to cock it up. PETE: What've I done now? JACKIE: Have a look. She turns and walks into yet another large room. Pete follows. Household staff are busy erecting a huge banner bearing the legend: Happy 40th Birthday. Jackie stands with her hands on her hips and looks up at it pointedly. PETE: What's wrong with that? JACKIE: Forty. It says forty. PETE (nonplussed): You are forty. JACKIE (exasperated): Well, I don't want the whole world telling, do I? PETE: You're having a party tonight! JACKIE: My thirty-ninth. My official biography says I was born on the same day as Cuba Gooding Junior, and that makes me thirty-nine, thank you very much. She leaves the room. JACKIE (calling): Rose? Come here! Rose? Pete follows her back out into the hall. He holds the flowers out to her. PETE: These are from the girls in the office. Happy birthday. JACKIE (snobbishly): I've got hand-sculpted arrangements by Veronica of Reykjavik, and your secretary stopped off at a garage? I don't think so. And if you're giving out presents, where's my zeppelin? Everyone else has got one! Pete slots the flowers into the banisters. Jackie calls up the stairs. JACKIE (CONT'D): Rose? Come on, Rose! Jackie turns back to Pete, cocking her head slightly so he can see earpieces she has fitted. JACKIE (CONT'D): Look, you didn't even notice, did you? Special delivery. Got sent round today. Birthday present from Mr Lumic. Latest modal. Diamond studded. Pick up signals from Venezuela. PETE: Why would you wanna pick up signals from Venezuela? JACKIE (annoyed): Well, I don't know! But now I can find out! For God's sake, where is she? Rose? Oh, she needs a good bath before tonight, she's gonna be honking. Rose, come to mummy! A small dog potters down the stairs to Jackie. JACKIE (CONT'D): Come on! There you are, my darling! She pats Rose the dog on the head. Pete's phone rings. He answers (via the earpieces) and Jackie picks up Rose and carries her upstairs. PETE: Mr Lumic! Jackie was just saying thank you. That's very kind of you. INT. LUMIC'S ZEPPELIN LUMIC (in his zeppelin): Those ear-pods are handmade. Tell her to take care. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, HALLWAY PETE: Course I will, course I will. I don't suppose you'll be uh, joining us tonight? For the party? We'd be very honoured. INT. LUMIC'S ZEPPELIN LUMIC: The world below can party. Some of us have work to do. My plans have advanced, Peter. The President has promised a decision. I'm flying in now. We'll be at the air slip by five o'clock. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, HALLWAY PETE: Right. (Pause, making sure Jackie's not listening). It's just that I promised I'd help the wife out tonight. INT. LUMIC'S ZEPPELIN LUMIC: If the President of Great Britain can make this meeting, then so can you. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, HALLWAY PETE: Oh I dunno, he's not married to Jackie, is he. INT. LUMIC'S ZEPPELIN LUMIC: Five o'clock, Mr Tyler. Famous day. Lumic hangs up. Pete sighs and heads off. Lumic takes a deep breath through his breathing apparatus and then pushes it aside. LUMIC (CONT'D) (to the computer): Voice-print access. John Lumic. (His name appears on the screen). Initiate ear-pod override. Subject: Jacqueline Tyler. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, JACKIE'S BEDROOM Jackie is in her bedroom, sitting at her dressing table and powdering herself. INT. LUMIC'S ZEPPELIN LUMIC (CONT'D): Activate. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, JACKIE'S BEDROOM Jackie drops her brush as she freezes, the ear-pods activate and arch over her head, meeting in a blue light at the middle. INT. LUMIC'S ZEPPELIN LUMIC (CONT'D): Download, Tyler residence, February the first, give me security arrangements for tonight. Passwords, encryptions, services. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, JACKIE'S BEDROOM Jackie is stock-still as the information is downloaded from her mind. INT. LUMIC'S ZEPPELIN After a few moments, it appears on the screen in front of Lumic. LUMIC (CONT'D): And restore. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, JACKIE'S BEDROOM The ear-pods retract back into themselves and Jackie unfreezes. She shakes her head slightly as if mildly disorientated, but dismisses it and picks up her brush to powder her faces again. LUMIC (CONT'D): Thank you, Mrs Tyler. Activate picture link. Mr Crane appears on the screen. LUMIC (CONT'D): Mr Crane? MR CRANE: Mr Lumic? LUMIC: Events are moving faster than I anticipated. I need extra staff. MR CRANE: Very good, sir. I shall go on a recruitment drive. INT. LORRY Mr Crane is sitting in the passenger's seat of a lorry. MR CRANE (to the driver): Back her up. The driver begins to reverse the lorry slowly. INT. TARDIS Mickey enters the pitch-black TARDIS, closing the door behind him. The Doctor rounds on him. THE DOCTOR (angrily): I told you to keep an eye on her! MICKEY (dismissively): She's all right... THE DOCTOR: She goes wandering off, parallel world, it's like a gingerbread house! All those temptations calling out. MICKEY: Oh, so it's just Rose then? Nothing out there to tempt me? THE DOCTOR: Well, I don't know, I can't worry about everything... if I could just get this thing to... He kicks the TARDIS console hard in his frustration. He walks slowly over to a chair, scowling. MICKEY: Did that help? THE DOCTOR: Yes. MICKEY: Did that hurt? THE DOCTOR: Yes. Ow. He sits down and rubs his foot. EXT. THAMES EMBANKMENT Rose is strolling along the bank of the Thames. She sits down on a bench, clearly deep in thought. The zeppelins are chugging softly in the sky and she looks up at them. One flies right over her head, low in the sky. It is obviously Lumic's, as it has the Cybus logo stamped on the bottom. Her phone bleeps and she takes it out of her pocket. The message on the screen says "welcome - free trial period". She selects, and footage of the news plays. NEWSREADER: ... And it's good news for Great Britain as John Lumic returns to the country of his birth. Mr Lumic, the inventor of high-content metal, has denied allegations of ill health. LUMIC: We're all flesh and blood, but the brain is what makes us human. And my mind is more creative than ever. NEWREADER: With shares in Cybus Industries doubling in price, Mr Lumic... Rose glances up at the zeppelin, realising who must be inside it. Cue cryptic reference to Torchwood on the news. Rose closes off the report. INT. TARDIS THE DOCTOR (uncomfortably): We're not meant to be here. The TARDIS draws its power off the universe, but it's the wrong universe. It's like diesel in a petrol engine. MICKEY (sitting down next to him): But... I've seen it in comics. People are hopping from one alternative world to another, it's easy. THE DOCTOR (withering look): Not in the real world. (Pause) Used to be easy. When the Time Lords kept their eye on everything, you could hop between realities, home in time for tea. Then they died, took it all with them. The walls of reality closed, the worlds were sealed. Everything became that bit less kind. MICKEY: Then how did we get here? THE DOCTOR (weary): I dunno. Accident? Should've been impossible, now we're trapped. There is a short, hopeless silence. Then... THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): What's that? He has spotted a tiny green light glowing beneath the console. MICKEY: What? THE DOCTOR: That there, is that a reflection? It's not. He and Mickey crouch, staring at it. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (excitedly): It's a light! Is it? Is that a light? I think that's a light! That's all we need! They remove the grilling. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): We've got power! Mickey, we've got power! Ha! INT. SCRAP YARD The lorry we saw earlier reverses into some sort of scrap yard where a bunch of homeless people are milling around. Mr Crane strides over to them, stopping a moment to pat the back of the lorry, presumably signalling for someone on the inside to open it. MR CRANE (to the homeless men): Gentlemen! Gentlemen! I beg your attention. Christmas has come early, so come and get it. Two of his cronies let down a ramp into the back of the lorry, he has the full attention of the men. MR CRANE (CONT'D): Ah, smell that, comrades. Burgers and chips, sausage and beans... The men, starving, hurry towards the van. One man, Jake, remains half hidden behind some junk, looking anxious. MR CRANE (CONT'D): Pork... chicken... and hot, sweet tea. All for free. Jake hurries up behind one of the men, Morris, and tries to stop him from going any further. JAKE (urgently): Don't go! MORRIS (staring at the lorry): Oh, but there's food! MR CRANE (ushering men into lorry): All you can eat, free of charge. Don't just stand there! Fill your faces with pasty and... JAKE (to Morris): He's lying. MORRIS: It's easy for you to say. When did you last starve? JAKE: All those people disappearing off the streets. It's been going on for months. It's them. They're taking you away. MORRIS: What for? JAKE (darkly): Experiments. Morris looks from him to the lorry, brow furrowed. MORRIS: Oh, I'm so hungry... He heads towards the lorry. MR CRANE: So, come and get it while it's hot! (Morris joins him, laughing). That's it, kind sir! Get in there and fill your face! Morris hops into the lorry. Unbeknownst to Crane, Jake has taken out a video camera and is filming them, out of sight. MR CRANE (CONT'D): Feast yourself, brother. Feast yourself. Then, we cannot see what is happening but yells and shouts start to emit from the lorry and Morris struggles to get out but is pushed roughly back inside by Mr Crane's cronies. MR CRANE (CONT'D): Take them away. MORRIS (terrified): No! No, help! The lorry doors are shut on him. INT. TARDIS The Doctor is right underneath the console and pulling out some important looking internals of the TARDIS. THE DOCTOR (deliriously happy): It's alive! MICKEY: What is it? THE DOCTOR: It's nothing. It's tiny. One of those insignificant little power cells that no one ever bothers about, and it's clinging onto life. But with one little ounce of reality tucked away inside. MICKEY: Enough to get us home? THE DOCTOR: Not yet. He picks up the power cell and sits back on the small set of stairs under the grilling. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): I need to charge it up. He holds it carefully, cupped in both his hands. MICKEY: We could go outside and latch it up to the national grid! THE DOCTOR: Wrong sort of energy. It's gotta come from our universe. MICKEY: But we don't have anything. THE DOCTOR: There's me... He blows gently on the power cell and it glows brightly. The Doctor beams. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): I just gave away ten years of my life. Worth every second! He giggles dorkishly. EXT. THAMES EMBANKMENT Rose searches for the name "Peter Tyler" on the Cybus Network which she now has on her phone. INT. TARDIS The Doctor and Mickey are both staring at the power cell with huge grins. The light fades. MICKEY: It's going out. Is that okay? THE DOCTOR: It's on a recharging cycle. It grows brighter again, and then back to dim and so on. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): It'll loop round, power back up and be ready to take us home in, oh, twenty-four hours? He kisses the power cell. MICKEY: So, that gives us twenty-four hours on a parallel world? THE DOCTOR: Surely! As long as we keep our heads down. Easy. No problem. He tosses the power cell in the air and catches it again. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (standing): Let's go and tell her. EXT. THAMES EMBANKMENT The Doctor and Mickey come across Rose sitting on her bench. THE DOCTOR: There you are! You all right? No applause, I fixed it! (Shows her the power cell). Twenty-four hours, then we're flying back to reality. He sits down on the bench and holds the power cell up to show her. She doesn't even glance at it, lost in her own thoughts. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (grin fading, noticing the mobile): What is it? ROSE: My phone connected. There's this... Cybus Network, it finds your phone. It gave me Internet access. THE DOCTOR: Rose, whatever it says, this is the wrong world. ROSE: I don't exist. THE DOCTOR: What do you mean? ROSE: There's no Rose Tyler. I was never born. There's Pete, my dad, and Jackie... he still married mum... but they never had kids. THE DOCTOR (trying to snatch the mobile): Give me that phone. Rose pulls it away from his grasp. ROSE: They're rich. They've got a house and cars, and everything they want. (She pauses, thinking). But they haven't got me. She sounds close to tears. She stands, walking away from bench. Then she turns to face the Doctor. ROSE (CONT'D): I've gotta see him. THE DOCTOR: You can't. ROSE: I just wanna see him. THE DOCTOR: I can't let you! ROSE (angrily): You just said twenty-four hours! THE DOCTOR: You can't become their daughter, that's not the way it works! Mickey, tell her. MICKEY (standing): Twenty-four hours, yeah? THE DOCTOR (bewildered): Where're you going? MICKEY: Well, I can do what I want! ROSE (walking backwards in the opposite direction): I've got the address and everything. THE DOCTOR (looking from one to the other frantically): Stay where you are, both of you! Rose, come back here! Mickey, come back here right now! ROSE: I just wanna see him. MICKEY: Yeah, I've got things to see and all. THE DOCTOR: Like what? MICKEY: Well, you don't know anything about me, do ya? It's always about Rose. I'm just a spare part. ROSE (walking away): I'm sorry. I've gotta go. The Doctor turns from Rose to Mickey. They're both walking away from him and he doesn't know which way to turn. MICKEY (gesturing to Rose): Go on then. No choice, is there? You can only chase after one of us, and it's never gonna be me, is it? Rose stops walking backwards, turns and leaves. THE DOCTOR (to Mickey): Back here in twenty-four hours! And he runs after Rose. Mickey watches his retreating back. MICKEY (CONT'D) (to himself): Yeah. If I haven't found something better. He turns away. EXT. AIRFIELD As Lumic's zeppelin arrives at the air slip, a car pulls up and the President and two other men get out. Pete, who is already there, approaches the President. PRESIDENT: Mr Tyler. What the matter couldn't wait until tonight? PETE (shaking his hand): Mr President. Honoured. I'm on the fast-track program. Cybus Industries have pulled up my company, so I'm part of the firm now. PRESIDENT: Some people say they've bought my Government. PETE (laughing): I've never heard anybody say that. Never. (Winks, thumbs up). You can trust me on this. PRESIDENT: I tried your drink. That Vitex stuff. It tastes like Pop. PETE: Well, it is Pop. PRESIDENT: You made money by selling a health-food drink into a sick world. Not quite the ordinary Joe you appear to be, are you? Pete looks like he doesn't quite know what to say. The President sighs. PRESIDENT (CONT'D): He does like to keep us waiting. He walks off. Pete follows. They stop at the foot of the steps descending from the zeppelin. PRESIDENT (CONT'D): But tell me - you've had a chance to observe John Lumic more than most. What's your opinion? PETE: He's very sharp, I'd say. Sharp as ever. Very clever man. Brilliant, in fact. PRESIDENT: Then, you don't think he's insane? PETE: That's not the word I would've used, no. PRESIDENT: I see. He begins to climb the steps into the zeppelin. Pete follows. EXT. ALONGSIDE FACTORY Mickey is walking alongside a Cybus Industries factory. The military are barring the road ahead. The soldier approaches Mickey. MICKEY: Am I all right to get past? SOLDIER: Yeah. No bother. Curfew doesn't start 'til ten. MICKEY: There's a curfew? SOLDIER (incredulous): Course there is. Where've you been living, mate? Up there with the toffs? He looks up at the zeppelins in the sky. Mickey follows his gaze. MICKEY: I wish. (Walks on). See ya. One of the soldiers lifts the barrier for him and he goes on his way. EXT. STREET Rose and the Doctor are walking down a street. ROSE: Mickey's mum just couldn't cope. His dad hung around for a while, but then he just sort of wandered off. He was brought up by his gran. (She smiles). She was such a great woman. God, she used to slap him! (Serious again). And then she died. She tripped and fell down the stairs. It's about five years ago, now. I was still in school. THE DOCTOR: I never knew. ROSE: Well, you never asked. THE DOCTOR: You never said! ROSE: That's Mickey. I s'pose I... we just... take him for granted. Do you think she's still alive, his gran? THE DOCTOR: Could be. Like I said, parallel world, gingerbread house. We need to get out of here as fast as we can. A short alarm sounds and everyone around them suddenly freezes. The Doctor and Rose look around at them, confused. ROSE: What're they all doing? THE DOCTOR: They've stopped... Everyone is wearing earpieces, which flash and beep quietly. The Doctor pauses beside one man and squints at his earpiece. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): It's the earpieces... like Bluetooth attachments, but everyone's connected together. Rose's phone beeps. She takes it out of her pocket and looks at it. ROSE: It's on my phone. It's automatic, look. It's downloading. Is this what they're all getting? The Doctor peers over her shoulder and puts his specs on. Rose scrolls through the "daily downloads". ROSE (CONT'D) (reading): News... international news... sport... weather... THE DOCTOR: They get it direct. Downloaded right into their heads. ROSE (continuing): TV schedules, lottery numbers... THE DOCTOR: Everyone shares the same information. He takes the phone from Rose and reads it. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Daily download published by Cybus Industries. The download scrolls to "Joke". Everyone around them chuckles, and then go on their merry way. The Doctor and Rose stare, completely nonplussed as the crowd carry on as though nothing had happened. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): You lot, you're obsessed. You'd do anything for the latest upgrade. ROSE: Oi... not my lot. Different world, remember... THE DOCTOR: It's not so far off your world. This place is only parallel. He presses a few buttons on the phone. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (showing Rose): Oh, look at that. Cybus Industries owns just about every company in Britain, including Vitex. Mr Pete Tyler's very well connected. Rose does not reply, but hangs off his arm smiling innocently and does the puppy-dog-eyes until... THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (sighs): Oh, okay. I give up. (Tosses her phone back to her). Let's go and see him. EXT. ROAD Mickey turns a corner in a run-down looking area. He crosses the street. His pace slows slightly as he approaches one of the doors. He speeds up again and knocks three times. RITA-ANNE (from inside): Who's that there? The door opens and Mickey's blind grandmother stands on the threshold. RITA-ANNE (CONT'D): Who is it? I know you're there. Shame on you, tricking an old lady. I've got nothing worth stealing. (Brandishes stick). And don't think I'm gonna disappear! You're not gonna take me. Mickey's just staring at her, overcome. MICKEY: Hi. Rita-Anne stops in her tracks. RITA-ANNE (hushed): Is that you? MICKEY: It's me. I came home. She reaches out to him, touching his face. RITA-ANNE: Ricky? MICKEY: It's Mickey. RITA-ANNE: I know my own grandson's name. It's Ricky. Now, come here. They hug. MICKEY (so happy just to be with her): Okay, I'm Ricky. Of course I am. Ricky, that's me. She suddenly pushes him away and whacks him on the shoulder. MICKEY: Ow! RITA-ANNE: You stupid boy. (Smack). Where've you been? MICKEY: Ow! Stop hitting me! RITA-ANNE (smack, smack, smack): It's been days and days! I keep hearing all these stories. People disappearing off the streets. There's nothing of it on the download. (She points to her earpiece). But there're all these rumours, and... and whispers. I thought that God had disappeared you! Mickey notices the torn carpet on the stair behind her. MICKEY (voice trembling): That carpet on the stairs, I told you to get it fixed, you're gonna... (He closes his eyes) fall and break your neck. RITA-ANNE: Well, you get it fixed for me. MICKEY: I should' a done way back. I guess I'm just kinda useless. RITA-ANNE: Now, I never said that. MICKEY (choking up): I am, though. And I'm sorry, gran. I'm so sorry. RITA-ANNE: Don't talk like that. Do you know what you need? A nice sit down and a cuppa tea. You got time? MICKEY: For you, I've got all the time in the world. RITA-ANNE (laughs): You say that, but it's all talk. It's those new friends of yours. I don't trust them. MICKEY: What friends are they? RITA-ANNE: Don't pretend you don't know. You've been seeing them. Mrs Chan told me. Driving about all helter-skelter, in that van. Skid of tyres in the background. MICKEY: What van's that, then? RITA-ANNE: You know full well! Don't play games with me. The van draws up sharply behind Mickey. RITA-ANNE (CONT'D): Get inside! Jake leaps out of the van and grabs Mickey by the collar. JAKE: I've been looking for you everywhere! He pushes him inside the van. Mrs Moore, who is driving, shakes her head and wastes no time in driving off. RITA-ANNE (feeling around): Mickey! Mickey! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. VAN Jake and Mickey are sat opposite each other in the back of the van. JAKE (reprimanding): Ricky, you were the one who told us, you don't contact your family 'cos it puts them in danger! MICKEY: Yeah. Ricky said that. Course I did, just testing. JAKE: I saw them. I taped them! They went round Black Friars gathering up the homeless like a child-catcher. They must've took four dozen. MRS MOORE: The vans were hired out to a company called International Electromatics. But I did a protocol search... turns out that's a dummy company established by guess who? MICKEY: I dunno, who? MRS MOORE / JAKE: Cybus Industries! Mickey nods, just going along with it. JAKE (to Mrs Moore): And now we've got evidence! MRS MOORE (to Mickey): Bad news is, they've arrested Thin Jimmy. So that just leaves you. MICKEY: Leaves me what? JAKE (like it's really something to be pleased about): The Number One. Top of the list. London's Most Wanted. MICKEY: Okay, cool. (Pause). Say that again? INT. LUMIC'S ZEPPELIN At Lumic's meeting, he is showing his small audience a presentation of his new plans. The diagrams on the screen demonstrate as he speaks. LUMIC (presentation voice-over): The most precious thing on this Earth is the human brain, and yet we allow it to die. But now Cybus Industries has perfected a way of sustaining the brain indefinitely within a cradle of copyrighted chemicals. And the latest advances in synapse research allows cyber-kinetic impulses to be bonded onto a metal exoskeleton. This is the ultimate upgrade. Our greatest step into cyberspace. PRESIDENT: I'm sorry. Could we stop it there? Lumic wrenches the breathing apparatus from his face, affronted. PRESIDENT (CONT'D): I don't need the pitch. I think we all know what this "ultimate upgrade" entails. And I'm here to tell you, John, the answer is no. Lumic grunts. PRESIDENT (CONT'D): My government does not give you permission. (He stands). And I think no government ever will. LUMIC: I prepared a paper for the ethical committee. PRESIDENT (ready to leave): Oh, come on. It's not just unethical. It's obscene. LUMIC (desperate) : Mr President... if I might make a personal plea. I am dying, sir. PRESIDENT: I'm aware of that. And I'm very sorry. LUMIC: Without this project, you have condemned me. My inventions have advanced. This whole planet... would you have all that perish? PRESIDENT: You're a fine businessman, John. But you're not God. I'm really very sorry, but I think we should end it there. Mr Tyler, I'll see you tonight. (Pete nods). I think we could all do with a drink. Mr Lumic. And he leaves. Lumic stares straight forwards, horror-struck. Pete turns to him. PETE (keeping the tone light): Still, it's not the only country in the world. There's always New Germany. LUMIC: This is the home land. My birthplace. You may leave. PETE: Thank you, sir. He leaves. Mr Lumic turns his wheelchair back to the screen and the computer. LUMIC: Mr Crane? Mr Crane's image appears on the screen. MR CRANE: Ready and waiting, sir. LUMIC: Did the override work? MR CRANE: Well, needs a bit of fine-tuning, we weren't exactly delicate given the rush, but er, yeah. Yeah. It's all working. INT. BATTERSEA POWER STATION, CONTROL ROOM He stands, walks away from the computer. MR CRANE (CONT'D): I've been testing the system, sir. He walks to the opposite end of the room where the homeless people who were abducted earlier are standing in a row, completely still as though hypnotised. They have the earpieces plugged in. Mr Lumic touches one. MR CRANE (CONT'D): They've grafted on a treat, these have. Given a little persuasion. If you care to observe, sir... He takes a few steps away from them, holding some sort of remote control. MR CRANE (CONT'D): And turn to the right... (They do) ... and back to the left... Again, they obey. LUMIC (coldly): Are you having fun, Mr Crane? MR CRANE (sheepishly): Oh, no, no, not at all, sir, no. It's just, well, it's er... irresistible. LUMIC: Then resist. And start the upgrade. MR CRANE: Did we get permission? LUMIC: I am governed by greater laws, old friend. The right of a man to survive. Now, begin! The screen goes static. Mr Crane turns back to the men. MR CRANE: And turn to the left... (They turn to the left) ... forward march. They march forward and through a door which is held open by a staff-member. The area beyond is glowing red. As they go in and disappear from sight, we hear them screaming. Mr Crane is leaning over one of the technicians shoulders at a computer terminal. MR CRANE (CONT'D) (wincing): Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's cover up that noise. Erm... give us track number 19. The technician obliges and "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" by "Tight Fit" blares out. Mr Crane wanders into the middle of the room, content. INT. BATTERSEA POWER STATION, CYBER-CONVERSION FLOOR The machines work on upgrading the homeless. The blades swoop down on them. We do not see what they're doing, but the music hardly covers up the screams of fear and pain. EXT. BATTERSEA POWERSTATION Cut to the deserted corridors of the factory, and then a shot from outside. The lights from the factory reflected serenely in the water giving no indication of the monstrosity occurring inside. EXT. PREACHERS' HEADQUARTERS The van pulls up outside a house. Jake hops out of the back first. JAKE: There's a light on. There's someone inside the base. Mickey hops down after him. JAKE (CONT'D): Mrs Moore, we've got visitors. The three of them sneak down the side of the house like spies, guns at the ready. They crouch just outside the door. JAKE (CONT'D): One... two... three... go! INT. PREACHERS' HEADQUARTERS They burst into the house, Mrs Moore and Jake pointing the guns. Ricky, Mickey's counterpart, is inside. RICKY: What the hell are you doing? Mrs Moore and Jake look from him to Mickey, completely bewildered. JAKE: What're you doing there?! RICKY (walking slowly forwards): What am I doing here? (He stares at Mickey, brow furrowed). What am I doing there? He points a finger at Mickey. Jake and Mrs Moore immediately spin around at turn their guns on Mickey, who raises his hands, eyes wide. EXT. TYLER'S MANSION An expensive car pulls up outside Pete's and Jackie's house. The Doctor and Rose are crouched in some nearby bushes, watching. THE DOCTOR: They've got visitors. ROSE: February the first, mum's birthday. Even in a parallel universe, she still loves a party. THE DOCTOR: Well, given Pete Tyler's guest list, I wouldn't mind a look. And there is one guaranteed way of getting inside. He waves the psychic paper around. ROSE (excited): Psychic paper! THE DOCTOR: Who do you wanna be? INT. TYLER'S MANSION, DRAWING ROOM Several waiters and waitresses enter the party from the kitchens, all holding trays of refreshments... followed by the Doctor and Rose, dressed up in the same garb. A woman takes some food from Rose's plate and walks off. ROSE (under her breath): We could've been anyone. THE DOCTOR: Got us in, didn't it? ROSE: You're in charge of the psychic paper. We could've been guests. Celebrities. Sir Doctor, Dame Rose. We end up serving. I had enough of this back home. They both smile politely as people take champagne and cocktail sticks from their trays. THE DOCTOR: If you wanna know what's going on, work in the kitchens. They retreat slightly to the side of the room so they can watch the proceedings, groups of important people chatting and laughing, photographs being taken. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (nodding towards the President): According to Lucy, that man over there... ROSE: Who's Lucy? THE DOCTOR: She's carrying the salmon pinwheels. He nods over to a young waitress at the other side of the room. ROSE: Oh, that's Lucy, is it? THE DOCTOR: ... Yeah! Lucy says, that is the President of Great Britain. ROSE: What, there's a President, not a Prime Minister? THE DOCTOR: Seems so. ROSE: Or maybe Lucy's just a bit thick. They move on their way with the trays. PETE (addressing the room as a whole): Excuse me! Thank you very much. Thank you, if I could just have your attention, please? MAN IN CROWD: Pete! Go on, Pete! PETE: Thank you very much! MAN IN CROWD: It's about time you did some work. I thought you liked them young! INT. TYLER'S MANSION, HALLWAY Rose follows the sound of his voice to the bottom of the large staircase. The Doctor follows. Pete is standing halfway up. PETE: Um, I'd just like to say, er, thank you to you all, for coming on this er, this very special occasion. Rose gazes up at him. PETE (CONT'D): My wife's... thirty-ninth. The crowd chortle. PETE (CONT'D) (thumbs up): Trust me on this... The crowd laugh appreciatively. PETE (CONT'D): So, without any further ado, here she is. The birthday girl... my lovely wife... Jackie Tyler. Rose strains for a look. The Doctor glances at her. Jackie descends the staircase, smiling at the crowd who applaud and cheer and snap photos. Rose stares at her. Jackie stands next to Pete. JACKIE: Now, I'm not giving a speech, that's what my parties are famous for, no work, no politics, just a few good mates and plenty of black-market whisky. This makes the crowd laugh again. JACKIE (CONT'D) (laughingly, spotting the President): Pardon me, Mr President! (He smiles). So, yeah! Get on with it, enjoy, enjoy. More cheers. Pete takes Jackie's hand and they descend the rest of the stairs to mingle with the crowd. THE DOCTOR (quietly, to Rose): You can't stay. Even if there was some way of telling them. ROSE: Course I can't. I've still got my mum at home, my real mum. I couldn't just leave her, could I. It's just... they've got each other. Mum's got no one. THE DOCTOR: She's got you! Those two haven't! (Sighs). All these different worlds, not one of them gets it right. JACKIE: Rose! This is followed by a series of barking and yelps. JACKIE (CONT'D): There's my little girl! The dog potters over to Jackie, who picks her up. JACKIE (CONT'D): Come to mummy, come to mummy! Yes, good girl! Good girl, aren't you? The expression on Rose's face is priceless. The Doctor takes one look at her and bursts out laughing, but sobers at the look she gives him. THE DOCTOR (sheepishly): Sorry. EXT. BATTERSEA POWER STATION Mr Crane is walking outside the factory. A metallic voice rings out as the newly created Cybermen march past in an orderly line. CYBERMAN: Platoon now boarding. Platoon zero-L-two boarding. Mr Crane addresses a staff member who is staring at them marching past. MR CRANE: Stop staring. MAN: Who are they, sir? MR CRANE: I'm told they're the future. Ain't technology wonderful? Go on, get in the cab. Start her up. MAN: Sir. He leaves. Mr Crane's phone rings. LUMIC: Mr Crane, are we mobile? MR CRANE: Just about in the road, sir. And yourself? LUMIC: I'm arriving, Mr Crane. Prepare the factory. Mr Crane looks skywards at Lumic's zeppelin which is coming in. LUMIC (CONT'D): Now, send them forth, old friend. Let the good work begin. INT. PREACHERS' HEADQUARTERS Jake, Ricky and Mrs Moore have stripped Mickey to his boxers and tied him to a chair. Jake is using a some sort of device to scan the length of his body. The results are shown on the laptop Mrs Moore is using. Jake finishes. JAKE (to Ricky): He's clean. No bugs. RICKY (staring at Mickey): But this is off the scale. He's flesh and blood, how did that happen? MRS MOORE: Well, it could be that Cybus Industries have perfected the science of human cloning...? Or your father had a bike? Ricky glares at Mickey and circles him menacingly. RICKY: Your name is Mickey, not Ricky? MICKEY: Mickey. Dad was Jackson Smith. Used to work at the key cutters in Cliffton's Parade. Went to Spain, never came back. Ricky bends to get a closer look at him. RICKY: But that's my dad. So... we're brothers? JAKE: Be fair. What else could it be? RICKY (staring at Mickey, brow furrowed): I don't know. But he doesn't just look like me, he is exactly the same. There's something else going on here, Jake. MICKEY: So, who are you lot? RICKY (straightening, circling the chair again): We, we are the Preachers. As in Gospel Truth. You see? (Gestures his ears). No ear plugs. While the rest of the world downloads from Cybus Industries, we, we have got freedom. You're talking to London's Most Wanted. But target Number One is Lumic, and we are going to bring him down. MICKEY: From your kitchen? Jake smirks. RICKY: Have you got a problem with that? MICKEY: No, it's a good kitchen. The laptop bleeps. MRS MOORE: It's an upload from Gemini. MICKEY: Who is Gemini? MRS MOORE: The vans are back. They're moving out of Battersea. Looks like Gemini was right. Lumic's finally making a move. RICKY: And we are right behind him. Pack up, we're leaving. EXT. STREET A huge lorry from Cybus Industries drives past. The Preacher's van is hidden in the shadows. It pulls out after the lorry has gone. Ricky is driving. In the back, Jake gives Mrs Moore a gun. She loads it as Mickey looks on. Jake also loads his. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, CORRIDOR The Doctor detaches himself from the crowds and walks down a corridor. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, STUDY He almost walks past a dark, empty room with the door slightly ajar, but backtracks as he notices a laptop open on the desk inside. He looks warily behind him to check that the coast is clear, then sneaks quietly into the room, shutting the door behind him. He puts on his glasses and looks at the screen, and smiles. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, HALLWAY Rose watches from a distance as Jackie chats to the President, laughing raucously. Pete appears next to her, also watching Jackie. PETE: I remember her twenty-first. Pint of cider in the George. ROSE (offering the tray): Sorry, champagne? PETE (accepting): Oh, might as well. I'm paying for it! They laugh. Pete sips the champagne. ROSE: It's a big night for you... PETE: Well, for her... still, she's happy. ROSE: Yeah, she should be. It's a great party. PETE: Do you think? Rose gives him the thumbs up and grins. ROSE: You can trust me...! PETE (correcting her): You can trust me on this. ROSE: That's it, sorry, yeah! They laugh. ROSE (CONT'D): So, um, how long have you two been married? PETE: Twenty years. ROSE: And no kids, or...? PETE: We kept putting it off. She said she didn't wanna spoil her figure. ROSE: It's not too late. She's only forty. PETE: Thirty-nine. ROSE: Oh, right, thirty-nine! They chuckle. PETE: It's still too late... I moved out last month. We're gonna keep it quiet, you know, it's bad for business. Rose's smile has faded. She nods. There is a pause. PETE (CONT'D): Why am I telling you all this? We haven't met before, have we? Rose stares at him. PETE (CONT'D) (staring at her, brow furrowed): I dunno, you just seem sort of... ROSE: What? Pete considers her. He can't put his finger on it. PETE: I dunno, just sort of... right. There is another pause. Pete seems to get uncomfortable with the situation and moves away to talk to someone else. PETE (CONT'D): Stevey, how's things? How's it going at Torchwood? Rose is left alone. EXT. TYLER'S MANSION Ricky and Jake are crouched in some bushes outside Pete's house, watching some men dressed in white get out of the back of a lorry. RICKY: I don't know what they're doing, but they seem to be the target. Big house, fair bit of money... now we've got to find a way to get in. INT. VAN MRS MOORE (to Mickey): I've identified the address. It belongs to Peter Tyler. The Vitex millionaire. MICKEY: Pete Tyler? MRS MOORE: He's listed as one of Lumic's henchmen. A traitor to the state. MICKEY (shocked): But... but... we've gotta get in there. EXT. TYLER'S MANSION RICKY (into the comm): Now, shut it, duplicate, that's what I just said. A ramp is let down from the back of the lorry. We hear the sound of heavy feet marching. RICKY (CONT'D): What're they doing...? A row of heavy metal feet march out of the van. RICKY (CONT'D): What the hell are they? After a few more moments, Ricky and Jake evidently decide to make a hasty retreat. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, STUDY The Doctor has found a presentation of the structure of the Cybermen. Lumic's voice narrates. LUMIC (voice-over): The most precious thing on this Earth is the human brain... EXT. TYLER'S MANSION, PORCH Jackie is alone just outside on the porch. Rose spots her through the window and follows her outside. Jackie settles herself down on a bench. It's just the two of them. ROSE: Mrs Tyler, is there anything I can get you? JACKIE: The last twenty years back. She laughs tiredly. Rose smiles uncertainly. ROSE (CONT'D): I can manage a glass of champagne... or a nice cup of tea? JACKIE: Oh, that'd do me! They laugh. The ice broken, Rose sits down next to Jackie, still holding the tray of champagne. ROSE: My mum loves that. End of a long night, she never goes straight to bed, she always stays up just to have that last cup of tea. JACKIE: Oh, I'm the same! ROSE (looking at her): Two sugars... JACKIE: And me! Pete always says, you know... (She stops, shakes her head) ... ah, never mind him. ROSE: I was talking to him earlier. He's a nice man. You know, big of a Jack the Lad, I s'pose, even if he has got money, but... he's a good bloke. Better than most. She looks at Jackie for a few moments. ROSE (CONT'D) (softly): He's worth a second chance. Jackie turns sharply. JACKIE (coldly): Are you commenting on my marriage? ROSE (taken aback): No, I was just... JACKIE: Who the hell do you think you are? You're staff! You're nothing but staff, you're just the serving girl, for God's sake. Rose looks away, hurt. JACKIE (CONT'D): And you are certainly not getting paid. Don't you dare talk to me. Jackie stands and goes back inside, leaving Rose alone on the bench, upset. Suddenly, a floodlight of sorts snaps on making Rose squint. Shadowy figures march up the front lawn, but we cannot see them properly because of the bright light behind them. They come closer with an ominous "boom, boom, boom, boom". INT. TYLER'S MANSION, STUDY The Doctor is still inside watching the presentation on the laptop. LUMIC (voice-over): This is the ultimate upgrade. Our greatest step into cyberspace. The Doctor looks horrified as he realises what this means. THE DOCTOR: Cybus. Without a moment's hesitation, he dashes from the room. EXT. TYLER'S MANSION, PORCH Rose stands and watches the figures marching closer. After a few moments, she turns on her heel and runs back inside. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, DRAWING ROOM The Doctor winds his way through the crowds and spots Rose; they both go to the window and look outside at the figures. THE DOCTOR (hushed): It's happening again. ROSE: What do you mean? THE DOCTOR: I've seem them before. They get closer... ROSE: What are they? THE DOCTOR: Cybermen. Several of them smash steel fists through the windows in order to gain entry to the house, which elicits screams from the crowd. They cower as the Cybermen step through the full length windows. Soon, they have everyone in the room circled with no way out. The President's communication device bleeps. PRESIDENT (distastefully): Mr Lumic. INT. LUMIC'S ZEPPELIN LUMIC (in his headquarters, through comm): Mr President. I suppose a remark about crashing the party would be appropriate at this point. He laughs evilly. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, DRAWING ROOM PRESIDENT: I forbade this. LUMIC: These are my children, sir. Would you deny my family? ROSE (under her breath to the Doctor): What are they? Robots? THE DOCTOR: Worse than that. PRESIDENT: Who were these people? LUMIC: Doesn't matter. ROSE: They're people? THE DOCTOR: They were. Until they had all their humanity taken away. It's a living brain jammed inside a cybernetic body. With a heart of steel. All emotions removed. ROSE: Why no emotions? THE DOCTOR: Because it hurts. PRESIDENT (voice rising): I demand to know, Lumic, these people, who were they? LUMIC: They were homeless, wretched and useless until I saved them. And elevated them. And gave them life-eternal. And now, I leave you in their capable hands. Goodnight, sir. Goodnight, Mr President. He hangs up. One of the Cybermen squares itself in front of the crowd. CYBERMAN: We have been upgraded. THE DOCTOR: Into what? CYBERMAN: The next level of mankind. We are Human Point Two. Every citizen will receive a free upgrade. You will become like us. PRESIDENT: I'm sorry. (approaches the Cyberman). I'm so sorry for what's been done to you. (Turns, walks around). But listen to me, this experiment ends. Tonight. CYBERMAN: Upgrading is compulsory. PRESIDENT: And if I refuse? THE DOCTOR (quickly): Don't. Rose glances at him. PRESIDENT: What if I refuse? THE DOCTOR (stepping forward): I'm telling you, don't. PRESIDENT (ignoring him): What happens if I refuse? CYBERMAN: Then you are not compatible. PRESIDENT (challenging) :What happens then? CYBERMAN: You will be deleted. He grasps the President, whose eyes widen in shock, by the neck. He is engulfed by electric-blue light as he is killed. The crowd scream and start to run. PETE (shouting): Jackie?! The people desperately run around, looking for a way out whilst some unfortunate individuals are attacked by the Cybermen. The room is chaos, the Doctor grabs Rose's hand and pulls her outside through one of the broken windows. EXT. TYLER'S MANSION, GROUNDS THE DOCTOR: There's nothing we can do! Rose pulls away from him and tries to go back inside. ROSE: My mum's in there! The Doctor pulls her away again. THE DOCTOR: She's not your mother! Come on! They run up a slope, only to be greeted by another row of Cybermen. They quickly change direction and run around the side of the house. Pete leaps out of the window, Rose spots him and calls him over to them. ROSE: Quick! Quick! Pete runs after them. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, HALLWAY Inside, the Cybermen are quickly disposing of everyone. Jackie stands in a doorway and shrieks as one of the Cybermen spots her. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, CORRIDOR She turns on her heel and runs down a corridor, pursued by the Cybermen. She hurries down a flight of stairs into a cellar. INT. TYLER'S MANSION, CELLAR The Cyberman follows, stomping steadily down the stairs. EXT. TYLER'S MANSION, GROUNDS The Doctor, Rose and Pete reach the front of the house. THE DOCTOR (looking around): Pete, there's no way out! PETE: The side gates! They run in the direction he indicates. PETE (CONT'D): Who are you? How do you know so much? THE DOCTOR: You wouldn't believe it in a million years... They skid to a halt as they are met by another row of Cybermen and are forced to change direction, two figures run towards the house, holding guns. ROSE: Who's that?! RICKY: Get behind me! The Doctor, Rose and Pete stand/crouch behind Rickey and Jake as they fire their guns at the onslaught of Cybermen. The Cybermen stop marching. Rose fusses with Ricky's coat. ROSE (relieved): Oh my God, look at you... She pulls him into a tight hug, much to Ricky's bewilderment. ROSE (CONT'D): I thought I'd never see you again! Rickey pulls away from her. RICKY: Yeah, no offence, sweetheart, but who the hell are you? Mickey sprints down the lawn towards them. MICKEY: Rose! (He stops when he reaches them). That's not me. That's like... the other one. Rose stares at him, and then at Ricky. THE DOCTOR: Oh, as if things weren't bad enough, there's two Mickey's! RICKY: It's Ricky. MICKEY (referring to the Cybermen): But there's more of them... The company look around them in fear as they are surrounded by Cybermen. ROSE: We're surrounded... Ricky raises his gun. THE DOCTOR: Put the guns down. Bullets won't stop them. Jake ignores this and fires a rally. The Doctor pushes his gun aside angrily. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): No! Stop shooting, now! The Doctor straightens and addresses the surrounding Cybermen. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): We surrender! Hands up... (The company put their hands up, including him) ... there's no need to damage us, we're good stock. We volunteer for the upgrade program. Take us to be processed. CYBERMAN: You are rogue elements. THE DOCTOR: But we surrender. CYBERMAN: You are incompatible. THE DOCTOR: But this is a surrender! CYBERMAN: You will be deleted. THE DOCTOR (shouting, frantic): But we're surrendering! Listen to me, we surrender! CYBERMAN: You are inferior. Man will be reborn as Cybermen but you will perish under maximum deletion. The Cyberman raises it's arm and reaches towards the Doctor. The company look terrified. CYBERMAN (CONT'D): Delete. Delete. Delete! To be continued...
Plan: A: A problem; Q: What causes the Doctor, Rose, and Mickey to reach a parallel universe? A: London wear EarPods; Q: What do the people of London wear in the parallel universe? A: information; Q: What do the EarPods in the parallel universe feed into the wearer's brain? A: Pete; Q: Who is Rose's father in the parallel universe? A: John Lumic; Q: Who designed the EarPods in the parallel universe? A: the humans; Q: Who is John Lumic trying to turn into Cybermen? A: permission; Q: What has John Lumic not received to do this? A: numerous homeless people; Q: Who has John Lumic been abducting and converting? A: his parallel universe self Ricky; Q: Who is Mickey mistaken for? A: the dangers; Q: What do the Preachers know about the EarPods? A: waiters; Q: What are the Doctor and Rose posing as at Jackie's birthday party? A: the Preachers; Q: What gang is Jake Simmonds a member of? Summary: A problem causes the Doctor, Rose, and Mickey to reach a parallel universe , in which most of the people of London wear EarPods that feed information directly into the wearer's brain and Rose's father Pete is still alive. The EarPods are designed by John Lumic , who is trying to give them an "upgrade" which will ultimately turn the humans into Cybermen . Though he has not received permission to do this, he has been abducting and converting numerous homeless people. Mickey is mistaken for his parallel universe self Ricky and is taken by Jake Simmonds , a member of a gang called the "Preachers" who are aware of the dangers of the EarPods. Cybermen begin attacking at the parallel universe Jackie's birthday party, at which the Doctor and Rose are posing as waiters. They, along with Pete, escape and run into Mickey and the Preachers, but the Cybermen close in on them.
(Continuing from last episode: Sydney is in Cairo, gun to her head, holding the plutonium core of the nuke.) HASSAN: (speaks Arabic) SYDNEY: I am holding enough plutonium here to liquefy our insides in forty-eight hours. HASSAN: Put it down. SYDNEY: If I put it down, you kill me. HASSAN: Now. I'm going to count to one. SYDNEY: Okay. (She throws the core in the air, takes the gun from Hassan and kicks him three times. She knocks him out with the last kick to the stomach, catches the core, and runs. She runs down the hall.) (After class, Sydney corners her professor.) PROFESSOR: You're falling behind, Sydney. And I don't accept late papers. SYDNEY: Wait, okay. You know what? Good point. You shouldn't. But I do have a real good excuse, okay? I was on a business trip and my flight was delayed. (Cairo. Guards shoot at Sydney, she flops behind a wall and speaks to the C.I.A. operative via her watch while bullets fly.) SYDNEY: I have the bomb and I'm ready for extraction! OPERATIVE: ETA, two minutes! SYDNEY: I might not have two minutes! (Classroom, continuous.) PROFESSOR: If you recall, I made it clear in my syllabus that I was happy to accept your papers via e-mail, if you can't get them to me directly. You do have e-mail, don't you? SYDNEY: Yes, see, you're not going to believe this, you're not, but, there was a blackout where I was staying. (He looks at her dubiously.) SYDNEY: Honestly. (Cairo. Explosions in the distance. Sydney runs up the stairs, on her way to the exit but hears something fall. A slight "ping" noise. She turns, horrified, and sees the core roll down the floor to the stairs.) (Classroom.) PROFESSOR: Okay, stop. I can appreciate the complexities of pursuing a grad degree with a full-time job, but it seems to me that your work is taking precedence over your education. Now, admit it, Sydney. You're dropping the ball. (Cairo. Sydney throws herself to the ground, grabbing the core before it rolls down the stairs. Breathing heavily, she takes a grenade, pulls the pin, and throws it at the guards. Explosion. Outside the warehouse, sand flies everywhere as a spotlight of a helicopter shines down on her, its propellors whirring.) (Classroom.) SYDNEY: The truth... my job is a means to an end. And your class makes me feel like maybe, someday, I'll be able to do more with my life. (Cairo. Inside the helicopter, Sydney sits, still panting. She hands the core over to a C.I.A. operative sitting next to her. He puts the core in a padded briefcase. She looks out the helicopter gratefully.) (Classroom.) PROFESSOR: All right. Next paper's due Thursday. I assume that won't be a problem. SYDNEY: No, not at all. Okay. Thank you so much. (Her pager goes off. She looks at it. "SLOANE - 911.") PROFESSOR: Are you sure about that? (Beat.) SYDNEY: How's Friday? (Sydney's new house. She gets cups of coffee for Francie and herself.) FRANCIE: What's crazy is Charlie has an amazing offer from Fleming Letterman. It's like, the most prestigious law firm in L.A. SYDNEY: But Charlie's not excited? FRANCIE: He's just kind of weird. He never wants to talk about it. He doesn't brag. Wouldn't you brag? I would. I would be non-stop talking about myself if a firm like that wanted me. SYDNEY: Just remember you and Charlie are coming from very different places. I mean, in his whole family, he's first-generation college. FRANCIE: That's true. SYDNEY: Not to mention law school. He's probably nervous. He's probably terrified. FRANCIE: That's kind of what my dad said. I called him last night to ask him what he thought. He said, "Listen, missy, give it a rest. You're making something out of nothing. Charlie is one of the good ones." SYDNEY: Your dad is right. FRANCIE: It's just weird, having that feeling that someone you love isn't telling you everything. (Pause.) SYDNEY: I can't believe you can call your dad for advice. I... I just can't imagine. FRANCIE: You know, the worst thing is having a dad that is always right. SYDNEY: No, it's not the worst thing. I ran into my father last week. FRANCIE: Where? SYDNYE: Just-just out... shopping. It was-it was so empty. It wasn't empty, it was full, actually. Full of awkwardness and lame pauses and... I don't know. FRANCIE: Your dad, you know, he's just... he's just your dad. SYDNEY: I don't want it to be like that anymore, I'm just sick of it. I mean, I always had this feeling that maybe someday, I don't know, my dad and I would connect. That things could start to get better. FRANCIE: Well, you know my opinion of your dad. SYDNEY: I know. FRANCIE: But listen. If you can find it in your heart to forgive him for being the kind of guy he's been all your life, which I would find impossible and could never do, then you should make a real effort. SYDNEY: How do you even start something like that? I have so many questions, I just... FRANCIE: You can call the man. SYDNEY: I'm not going to reconnect with my father over the phone. FRANCIE: Fine. Go to his work. Go to the airplane factory or whatever, and just start talking. You're really good at talking. (Parking lot. Mr. Bristow gets out of his car, walks.) SYDNEY: Dad. MR. BRISTOW: (turns) Sydney, what are you doing here? SYDNEY: I would have called, I just didn't know if that was-- MR. BRISTOW: You shouldn't be here. SYDNEY: I told you I have a thousand questions. They're keeping me awake at night. MR. BRISTOW: Then take something. SYDNEY: Dad, did you know SD-6 was going to recruit me? I mean, did you help? MR. BRISTOW: This isn't the time. SYDNEY: Then I need to ask you about mom. MR. BRISTOW: Sydney-- SYDNEY: Was it just an accident? Or-or did you tell her about what you were doing, like I told Danny? MR. BRISTOW: Look where you are! You're exposed. SYDNEY: Dad, please-- MR. BRISTOW: Don't come here again. Not again. (He walks away.) (Credit Dauphine. Meeting with Sloane, Marshall, Sydney and Dixon.) SLOANE: That device that you withdrew from Taepei last month remains in Analysis. They're still trying to figure out exactly what it does and how it does it. At the time, I told you that Vascar Mueller was the designer. In truth, Mueller was just an academic, a scientiest who took another man's sketches, translated them into practical construction plans and put it all together. SYDNEY: So then, who designed it? SLOANE: A man named Milo Rambaldi. DIXON: Never heard of him. SLOANE: That doesn't surprise me. He died in 1496. Rambaldi was Pope Alexander VI's chief architect, ex-communicated for heresy, sentenced to death for suggesting that someday, science could allow us to know God. After Rambaldi's death, his workshop was torn apart, his plans and sketches were traded and sold for next to nothing. For the next five centuries, his work was scattered throughout the world. No one is exactly sure what's left, which is unfortunate because last March, a Russian historian happened upon one of Rambaldi's early designs. She recognized something that looked a lot like a transistor. SYDNEY: I don't understand. (to Dixon) Do you understand? SLOANE: It seems that Rambaldi was a prophet. We acquired one of his notebooks from San Lazaro. This is the analysis report. (He gives it to Sydney. She reads.) SYDNEY: "Rudementary schematic for a transportable vocal communicator." SLOANE: The guy was drawing up plans for a cell phone around the time of the Ottoman empire. DIXON: Come on! SLOANE: Ridiculous, right? You know me. I am not a New Age kind of guy. I don't believe in the power of the pyramid. I'm not a big granola fan. This sort of thing makes me roll my eyes. And then my eyes came across this. (He puts up another slide on the screens in front of them. Binary code flashes across the screen.) SLOANE: Written in 1489. DIXON: Rambaldi wrote machine code? MARSHALL: Actually, if-if I could... it's probably not machine code. I mean, the concept of zero's been around, well, it precedes Christ, and the numeral one has been around even longer than that. Actually, you know, Ptolemy used zero as punctuation marks and in Indian texts, zero is more of a spiritual concept than an actual number. Of course, I don't mean--when I say "Indian," I don't mean the kind with bow and arrows-- SLOANE: Thank you, Marshall. We don't know what it is. Rambaldi has become a priority for us. We want to learn what it is before anyone else does. SYDNEY: Have you tried running the sequence? SLOANE: It's incomplete. The entire sequence was written on the back of two Rambaldi sketches. We possess one, and the other one is in this man's private collection. (He puts a surveillance photo up on the screens of a man.) SLOANE: Eduardo Benegas. Spanish. V.C. Auto enthusiast. MARSHALL: He also happens to own the largest collection of pornographic art in all of Madrid. Which... I thought was an interesting fact. Sorry. SLOANE: We negotiated with him to buy one of the sketches, but suddenly he withdrew the piece. We believe that somebody tipped him off of its real vaule. We think it's K-Directorate. Unfortunately, they're on to Rambaldi, too. (Sydney stares ahead. Suddenly, we see Benegas having s*x with someone. A chain around his neck slams against his chest. He flings the chain so it lands on his back.) SLOANE: (voice over) It's possible K-Directorate stole the key from Benegas. Our data reconnassaince division thinks, although it hasn't been confirmed yet, that he's surrounded with a half-dozen bodyguards. We're talking about guys trained under the U.E.I. special forces. We also have reason to believe that Benegas keeps the key on him at all times. So, the big question is, how did K-Directorate swipe the key? (Benegas keeps having s*x with someone we can't see, until a hand belonging to a woman slithers up his back. She has a tattoo on her hand by her thumb. She takes the key. Back at SD-6...) SYDNEY: Ana. It was Ana, wasn't it? (Outside. A man picks up the litter. Sydney is on campus. She's writing at a picnic table.) SYDNEY: (voice over) Eduardo Benegas has a sketch drawn by Milo Rambaldi. (She scrunches up the brown paper bag.) SYDNEY: (V.O.) There's a code written on the back. (She dials a number on her cell phone, punches the appropriate number.) SYDNEY: (V.O.) SD-6 wants that code. The sketch is in a case. The case is in a vault. The vault is on the top floor of a car museum owned by Benegas. (Other part of campus. Sydney walks with Francie and tosses the bag in the garbage. The man collecting the garbage from earlier takes the bag and keeps walking.) SYDNEY: (V.O.) So, I'm going to Madrid. What's my counter mission? (Sydney's house. Will brings in a box for her; she unpacks.) WILL: So, it's two thousand words or less on gene sequencing in virus-resistant cabbages, all right? And I'm realizing slowly that I might not have a real handle on the situation. SYDNEY: Which part? WILL: Uh, just the part about the gene sequencing in the virus-resistant cabbage. (They both smile; Sydney's cell phone rings.) SYDNEY: Doesn't your paper have a science correspondent? (in phone) Hello? Hi... (The landline phone rings. Will motions to Sydney if she wants him to answer. He does.) SYNDEY: Okay, uh, yeah... WILL: Hello? SYDNEY: Okay, thanks, I will come by. WILL: Sorry, you have the wrong number. SYDNEY: Thanks so much. WILL: Okay, bye. (They both hang up.) WILL: So, you're busy. SYDNEY: What was-- WILL: You okay? When you were on the phone, it looked like-- SYDNEY: It was Danny's landlord. They found some of his stuff in the garage. WILL: Oh, you all right? SYDNEY: Yeah. Yeah. WILL: Do you want me to go--I can get that stuff for you. Bring it back. SYDNEY: Would you mind? It's just, I have to go to San Diego for the bank tonight... WILL: Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it, it's done. It's done. (He pats her arm and goes back to moving boxes. Sydney looks.) SYDNEY: So, who called? WILL: Oh, it was a wrong number. They were looking for a pizza place. SYDNEY: You know what? I think I'm going to go for a quick run before my cab comes. (Outside in a park. Sydney runs and stops at a bench where Vaughn and his dog stand, stretching. She stands on the other side of the bench and stretches.) VAUGHN: Hey. SYDNEY: Hi. VAUGHN: Devlin wants you to follow through on Sloane's orders. Apparently, we're both after the same piece of missing code. SYDNEY: You're kidding me. VAUGHN: Nope. SYDNEY: You already knew about Rambaldi? VAUGHN: I didn't. The agency did. Davinci meets Nostradamus -- personally, I don't buy it. SYDNEY: Tell the C.I.A. station clerk in Barcelona to prep for a dead drop. Worst case, I'll encrypt the code on a Radiohead MP3 and leave it on Audiogalaxy. VAUGHN: How did Russian underground find out about Rambaldi? SYDNEY: Hey, you're the intel guy. VAUGHN: (smiles) What can you tell me about this woman? Ana Espinosa? SYDNEY: She was born in Cuba, raised in Russia. One of the last Cold War babies, go-to officer at K-Directorate for wet work and active measures. About a year ago, I had a meeting with an informant in Yugoslavia. Low level; just a guy with intel who needed the money. Ana recorded the entire conversation with a parabolic mic from the building next door. VAUGHN: How do you know? SYDNEY: Because as I was shaking his hand to leave, she blew out the back of his skull with a sniper rifle, even though she got what she came for. Her way of telling me I was out of my league. VAUGHN: Be careful out there. SYDNEY: See you when I get back. VAUGHN: No, actually, you won't. Uh, I'm being replaced by a senior officer. It seems I wasn't experienced enough to be your handler. (Sydney and Vaughn suddenly both look sad and disappointed; Sydney looks shocked.) VAUGHN: It was really good to meet you. Good luck in Madrid. (He walks away, giving a side look Sydney's way. She watches him leave.) (Weiss' office. Weiss sits behind his desk; Vaughn paces and rants.) VAUGHN: He's an IDIOT! I mean, that's the problem. So is Davenport. I mean, they're so involved in their own bureaucratic-- WEISS: Protocol, I know. VAUGHN: You know who's replacing me? WEISS: Yes. Lambert. VAUGHN: Lambert! LAMBERT! WEISS: Can I say something, and-and not just as a fellow officer, but as a very smart man? VAUGHN: What? WEISS: You're starting to get a little too emotional about this. VAUGHN: Not this again... WEISS: You are. You are obviously attached to this woman-- VAUGHN: This is your answer for everything! WEISS: If you were paying me to analyze you-- VAUGHN: Shut up! Stop it! WEISS: I gotta tell you, I'd actually say that maybe you're a little jealous. VAUGHN: Of Lambert?! Give me a break! I mean, the guy may be senior (points to brain) but he's junior. Trust me. WEISS: And now he gets to see Sydney every week, and it's making you crazy. VAUGHN: This is not about me! WEISS: Yes, it is! VAUGHN: No, it's not! (pauses; sits) She's going to Madrid. There's this other agent with K-Directorate. She could not sound more dangerous. I'm scared for Sydney. I know I'm off the case. (sighs) But, I want her to come back. WEISS: Well, look, there's nothing you can do about it, and you don't even know if this K-Directorate woman will be in Madrid. So, why worry? (Madrid. Airport. We think it's Sydney in Madrid, but then we see the same hand Sydney saw. The hand with the tattoo. Ana walks, carrying a briefcase, through the airport in Madrid. She smiles.) (Vaughn's office. Lambert reads Vaughn's file on Sydney.) LAMBERT: You sure wrote a hell of a lot about this Bristow girl. Anything else I need to know about her? VAUGHN: I think you'll find that Sydney is quite capable of speaking for herself. LAMBERT: (sees a picture of her) Look at her. Wouldn't kick that out of bed. (SD-6. Marshall meets with Dixon and Sydney.) MARSHALL: Okay, so, you're going to Madrid tonight, and the fundraiser's going to be at this Vieta Auto Museum, and you'll probably want to dress nice, you know, dress to thrill. So, I thought maybe you'd like to wear this necklace, huh? Now, the pearls are actually fiberglass. That's better to, uh, transmit the vibrations from your larynx to the mic right inside the pendant. Uh, you maybe you want to try it on? Or, I-I could sample it? Probably wouldn't match my... (At the auto museum, Sydney enters wearing a red dress and a red wig. A man at the door compliments her on the necklace. In Spanish, she thanks him and walks inside.) SYDNEY: I'm in. DIXON: Roger that. (Meeting.) MARSHALL: Last year, Benegas lent some money to the paramilitary down in Colombia, which well, uh, it didn't fly real well with the guerillas, and so everyone's going to be a bit jumpy tonight. But, see, that's okay. We can use that because we've got a normal-looking Spanish peseta, right? Wrong. Sonic wave emitter. (At the party, Sydney walks and takes the coin out of her purse.) MARSHALL: (voice over) Just make sure you drop it near a window. (She does so. She looks around, walks, mingles in the crowd. Sydney feels someone's eyes on her, looks up, and sees Ana posing as a waitress. They make eye contact. Ana winks at Sydney.) SYDNEY: Ana just crashed the party. (Dixon's inside a van with camera screens up everywhere.) DIXON: Careful, Syd. (Meeting.) MARSHALL: Now, look, you guys. I don't even want to tell you when you're out in the field or like that, but the unveiling of the prototype would probably be a good time to, y'know, activate the coin because as hot as you look, they'd be looking at the car, and not at you. (Museum.) ANNOUNCER: Benegas Racing is proud to present it's new 627-110 prototype! (A sheet raises over the car, everyone applaudes.) MARSHALL: (v.o.) You take this pen right here, normal looking pen that you write with. (Sydney takes out the pen.) MARSHALL: (v.o.) Click that like that, and boom. (She clicks the pen and the window shatters. Everyone yells and runs. Sydney runs to the stairs.) (Meeting.) MARSHALL: Now, the vault is on the top floor, so you're going to have to bypass all the security camers and everything, so I got a remote modem. Remote modem. What you do is you wire it in the central junction box, which is located on the first floor, then Dixon can loop the video signal. (Sydney is at the security boxes, unlocks it. Dixon sits in his van outside the museum.) DIXON: Central panel, junction box "A." (At the security panel, Sydney opens box "A.") SYDNEY: Damn it. DIXON: What? SYDNEY: Ana's already been here. She's tapped into the alarm system. DIXON: Remote modem? SYDNEY: Yes. Which means she's got back-up. DIXON: All right, Sydney, leave it there, we'll piggyback off their signal. We don't want to trigger the central alarm. (Sydney hooks a wire into the remote modem that's already there, thanks to Ana.) SYDNEY: Do you see Ana on any of the monitors? DIXON: Not on any of these feeds. (Sydney hears metal banging from above.) SYDNEY: She's in the ducts. I'm heading for the elevator! Did you rig the camera? (She runs to the elevator, hits a button, and glances at the camera above her. Inside the van, Dixon looks at the same camera angle where nothing is shown. Sydney is hidden. In the control room, guards speak Spanish. Sydney arrives at the top floor. There's a glass door that prevents anyone from getting to the case with the sketch in it.) SYDNEY: I'm running the lock descrambler. (Her eyes get wide as she sees someone welding the metal floor from underneath. Someone cuts a small circle of the floor out, and Ana comes up. She's on the other side; the glass door divides them. She sees Sydney, barricaded on the other side, and smirks.) SYDNEY: Dixon, Ana's in the vault. (Ana easily takes the case, gets ready to leave.) DIXON: The vault will unlock in five seconds. (Suddenly, the descrambler stops at 75%.) SYDNEY: What's wrong with the descrambler? DIXON: They're jamming your frequency. I'll try and find them! (Ana speaks into her watch, to the other K-Directorate operative, I'm assuming. She goes up to the glass door, case in hand, and stares at Sydney. Ana kisses the door, leaving a red lipstick imprint on it. She drops the case through the hole she made, and jumps down, escaping. Alarm blares. Guards start running for the top floor. Sydney tries the elevator, nothing happens.) SYDNEY: Dixon, the elevator's locked down! The descrambler's still jammed! (She's trapped. Dixon is in the driver's seat of the van now, comes closer to a white parked van. Inside, two K-Directorate men just like Dixon look at monitors with ear pieces in them.) DIXON: Hold on, Sydney, I see them. SYDNEY: Hurry! Hurry, they're coming up! (Inside, Ana is walking away, speaks into her earpiece. Dixon puts on his seatbelt and crashes into the van, sending it tumbling away on its roof. Sydney sees the lock descrambler begin to move again.) SYDNEY: We're back online! (In the museum, Ana walks confidently. A guard stops her and asks her in Spanish to show him the case. She tells him to calm down, then elbows him in the throat. She kicks him, sending him to the ground. Party guests gasp. At the vault, the descrambler reaches a 100% and unlocks the glass door. Sydney moves behind the door, and jumps down the hole made by Ana. Guards arrive and call on their walkie-talkies. Sydney runs in the museum and sees the fallen guard. She runs down some stairs, throws her high heels off. She runs barefoot. SYDNEY: I think she's taking the north corridor! I'm going to try to head her off! (Ana runs down the north corridor. Sydney runs. Ana runs.) ANA: I'm headed to the chopper now. (Sydney and Ana are running parallel to one another. Sydney reaches to a stairway up above. She sees Ana running her way, and notices a chain wrapped around the bannister, hooked from up above. Sydney takes the chain and swings down, kicking Ana in the gut. Ana goes flying, so does the bag. Sydney tries running for the bag while Ana is on the ground, but Ana kicks her. Sydney falls. Sydney kicks her in the neck, Ana grabs a sledghammer and tries hitting Sydney a few times, but Sydney moves out of the way. Sydney kicks her. Ana grabs her arm, throws her back. Sydney dodges her punch. Ana tosses Sydney down the nearby flight of stairs and pauses to smirk at Sydney who groans in pain. Ana runs.) SYDNEY: Dixon, she's going out back... (Outside, Ana exits and runs. Sydney exits.) DIXON: Sydney! Sydney, up there! (He points up and shows Ana climbing the stairs to the roof.) SYDNEY: Give me your gun! DIXON: Sydney-- SYDNEY: Give me the gun! (Dixon hands it over. Sydney takes the gun, aims, and shoots the strap of the bag off of Ana's shoulder. The bag falls to the ground, in front of Sydney and Dixon. Ana turns and stares at her.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At Danny's apartment building, the door opens.) WILL: Hi, I'm Will Tippin, I'm a friend of Sydney's. She asked me to come and pick up some of her stuff? (Minutes later, the landlord comes out holding a box. Will is staring out the window.) LANDLORD: This is all of it. They arrest anyone yet? WILL: (turns) Uh, for the murder? No, no, no, not yet. Excuse me, do you have any idea how long that traffic camera's been there? LANDLORD: No, I don't. (Will's office, he's on the phone.) WILL: But, do the traffic cameras take a picture at every red light, or just when a car's in the intersection? Really? Can we get a hold of every picture taken on June 8th between midnight and six a.m. at the corner of Alavis and Sunset? Okay, great. Call me back. BOSS: Fighting a traffic ticket? WILL: I swear to God, the genectics piece is practically arriving on your desk as we speak. BOSS: Practically. WILL: Very nearly practically. Almost concurrent with this conversation. BOSS: So, out of two thousand words, how many have you "practically" typed? WILL: Counting the headline? BOSS: Will, don't make me regret hiring people in their twenties. (Credit Dauphine. Sydney's cell phone rings.) SYDNEY: Yeah? WILL: Hi, um, I don't know if I'm talking to the right person, but I need to borrow a million bucks. The Olsen twins went public, and I'm looking to invest. SYDNEY: (smiles) You'll need some collateral. I don't think you've got any. WILL: Well, have you seen my aqua blue Chevy? SYDNEY: You mean, with the hula girl on the dash? Yes, sadly, we've seen that. WILL: (big smile) Welcome home. SYDNEY: Thanks. WILL: How was San Diego? SYDNEY: Boring. How'd the article turn out? WILL: Boring. Listen, I don't know, uh, you might be too wiped out, but some of us are going to have dinner tonight. SYDNEY: Love to. I could use some fun. Hey, you want to do it at my place? I'll order in. WILL: Great. Um, seven? SYDNEY: How about seven-thirty? WILL: Okay. I better get going before I get fired. Which is inevitable. SYDNEY: Will... WILL: Yeah? SYDNEY: Nothing. It's just... it's nice to be home. (Pause.) WILL: Yeah. Um, I'll see you tonight. SYDNEY: (smiles) Okay. (Night time. Plain white van parked in an alley. Inside, Lambert and Sydney sit and talk.) LAMBERT: I want you to know that you're going to like working with me. SYDNEY: Really? LAMBERT: Must have been, uh, oh, I almost don't know how to say it, uh, devastating when Kenny was killed. But I want you to know that you can trust me. I understand you. I empathize. SYDNEY: His name was Danny. LAMBERT: Danny? Yes, of course, well, what happened to Danny was a tragedy and yet, uh, you didn't give up. SYDNEY: Mr. Lambert, I got your message. Is there a reason I'm here? LAMBERT: I just wanted to introduce myself, grab a little face time with my girl. I just wanted to make sure you don't have any queries I might be able to-- SYDNEY: I've got a query. LAMBERT: Yeah? Shoot. SYDNEY: Are you insane? Calling me in here for a social event? SD-6 has a division whose sole responsibility it is to track their agents and report back suspect activity. "Your girl" is risking her life, and you yours, every time we lay eyes on each other. So, do me a favor. Don't be so friendly. LAMBERT: I-I just love your spirit. SYDNEY: That's heartening. Are we done here? LAMBERT: Yeah, honey. We're all done. SYDNEY: Great. (Sydney's. Will, Sydney, Francie and Charlie sit on the floor drinking margaritas and playing poker.) WILL: No, I'm telling you, I'm completely-I'm legally blind without my conctacts in. FRANCIE: Great, another eye story. WILL: First day I went in my apartment, right? FRANCIE: Give me two. WILL: And I'm in the kitchen, and I'm eating cereal for like, five minutes. And I hear someone coughing. I put on my glasses and there's three men painting my walls. I totally forgot they were coming. CHARLIE: That's bad. SYDNEY: No, the bad thing was, he was naked. WILL: I was, yeah. SYDNEY: Naked. CHARLIE: I naked clean. FRANCIE: Ohhh, he loves to embarrass me... WILL: Wait, wait, wait, wait, define "naked clean" for us. CHARLIE: I clean naked... FRANCIE: Please don't tell this story! CHARLIE: I clean our apartment naked. I like it. FRANCIE: He loves to embarrass me. WILL: You know, I'm going to see that. I'm going to raise it five. SYDNEY: Will, you're bluffing. CHARLIE: You hve the most obvious tell on the planet. WILL: Whoa, whoa, whoa. First of all, not even in the hardcorest of ways do I ever bluff. SYDNEY: You only raise when you're bluffing! WILL: (tries to be serious) No, I don't. SYDNEY: Full house. CHARLIE: Oh, man. (Will's cell phone rings.) WILL: Dammit! FRANCIE: When Will bluffs, you can tell. WILL: (gets up) I'll be right back. FRANCIE: How come I can never tell with you? (Sydney shrugs knowingly. Will goes for some privacy.) WILL: Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait. What are you saying, all of the traffic cameras were out that night? Okay, hold on. Within a mile of Danny's apartment? Now, is that-is that a normal thing? No, no, that doesn't sound like a normal thing to me. (Back at the casino...) CHARLIE: Look, I got a law review at six a.m., maybe we should go while we're ahead. FRANCIE: We should go, sure, sure, sure. Thank you, Sydney. (Charlie and Francie kiss Sydney's cheek.) SYDNEY: Good night. CHARLIE: Hey, see you later, Will. FRANCIE: Bye, Will! (Will's still talking.) WILL: Thank you, Jenny. Thanks. That is weird, isn't it? Yeah, okay. SYDNEY: What's weird? (Will turns, caught.) WILL: Huh? Oh, a stupid article I gotta write. (She smiles.) (Later in the kitchen. Sydney gets a jug of ice cream out of the freezer, Will is sitting on the counter.) SYDNEY: Look at this. WILL: Oooh. SYDNEY: I don't know what it is about tequila. It's like a trigger. I always get this craving. WILL: Yeah. SYDNEY: No, it's more than a craving. When I drink tequila, ice cream becomes... WILL: Like a chaser? SYDNEY: Like oxygen. Like a requirement. Freshman year, I didn't go to many parties. I couldn't even say "parties." But I did go to this one... WILL: Uh huh. SYDNEY: I remember, I had some punch. It was mostly tequila and I got so wasted. (They laugh.) SYDNEY: It was pathetic. I went to this twenty-four hour market, I bought three pints of chocolate chocolate chip ice cream. WILL: My God, is this story going to end? SYDNEY: Shut up! (slaps him) (Will squirts chocolate sauce on his ice cream sundae.) WILL: Ohhh... SYDNEY: Mmm hmm. WILL: Oh, my God. This is excellent. SYDNEY: So much better. WILL: Shhh, you gotta try this. It's a super combination of chocolate, and chips, and it's genius. (He feeds her some.) SYDNEY: Mmm... WILL: Isn't it? SYDNEY: Uh huh. Here. (She tries feeding him a spoonful of hers, but some of it falls on his shirt. They laugh, Will stands up. Sydney gets a paper towel.) WILL: Thanks. No, thank you. SYDNEY: I'm sorry, oh my God... (laughing) WILL: It's good, no, this is good. My shirt didn't have enough ice cream on it. SYDNEY: (wiping, laughing) Ooops... (They stop. Will looks down at Sydney. She kisses him. They break away.) SYDNEY: I should... listen, I... Will... WILL: I left that box in my car. It's Danny's. I'm going to go get it before I forget it. SYDNEY: Okay. WILL: Okay. (SD-6. Sloane walks with Sydney, Marshall trails in front of them.) SLOANE: Marshall couldn't open the lock box. MARSHALL: Uh, in my defense, it was rigged with a brand-new tech, an internal device that will destroy anything inside if opened without the key. SLOANE: Marshall, would you please go back to work? MARSHALL: Just to clarify, I'm not being fired? SLOANE: Back to work means not fired. (Marshall goes to his desk, Sloane leads Sydney inside a boardroom.) SLOANE: So, we needed a constigency plan. So, we brought in our best game theorist. (Mr. Bristow turns around.) MR. BRISTOW: Hello, Sydney. SLOANE: Have a seat. (She sits near her father.) SLOANE: We mapped out a scenario where you would infiltrate the K-Directorate lab where we believe the key is being held. Jack thought -- your father thought it could be too big of a risk. SYDNEY: Why? It sounds like the right move. MR. BRISTOW: Obviously, we need the key. Obviously, they need the box. Six hours ago I contacted K-Directorate and we settled on an arrangement. You and Ana will meet at a neutral location, undercover on both agencies' security forces. Together, you'll open the lock box. SYDNEY: Is this a joke? SLOANE: As far as we know, the Directorate doesn't know the code was divided into two sketches. We have nothing to lose by letting them see what's inside the box. MR. BRISTOW: This is a symmetric scenario. It complies both sides to adopt a mutually reinforcing course of action and close cooperation is one of the most stable strategic paradigms. SYDNEY: Assuming all players are rational. Plus, I'm supposed to trust Ana Espinosa? SLOANE: I need to brief the advance team. (He leaves them alone.) MR. BRISTOW: Their first plan was suicide. SYDNEY: I could have handled myself. MR. BRISTOW: Then we disagree. At least my way, you have a fighting chance. SYDNEY: Then I guess I should thank you. MR. BRISTOW: Never crossed my mind. (He gets up to leave.) SYDNEY: Dad? (He turns.) SYDNEY: Before I go, just answer my question about Mom. MR. BRISTOW: Your mother knew I was C.I.A., it was no secret between us. She died in the accident. I never lied to you about that. (News stand, outside. Sydney stands near Lambert, looking though magazines. He puts down a copy of "Pipe Collector's Monthly," she picks it up. Inside, a baggie is taped to one of the pages.) SYDNEY: What is this? LAMBERT: Two-way earpiece and tracking chip. We want you to tag Ana. We've got a surveillance team on alert in Berlin. SYDNEY: No, no, no, whose idea was this? LAMBERT: This is my op, Agent Bristow. SYDNEY: This only works if everyone's on their best behavior. And I'm not going to be the one to break those rules, especially when there will be a dozen snipers waiting for me to look the wrong way. LAMBERT: I hate to pull rank, but time is a factor here. SYDNEY: Time is a factor here. You know how much time? Seven years. That's how long I worked for SD-6 before I found out who they really are. And now that I know, my days of blindly following orders are over. LAMBERT: Who the hell do you think you're talking to? SYDNEY: I know exactly who I'm talking to. Tell Devlin if Agent Vaughn isn't on the other end of this earpiece when I turn it on, the C.I.A. gets nothing. LAMBERT: Vaughn is a junior officer. SYDNEY: Then promote him. (Office at the newspaper. Will has a map of L.A., and is showing his boss.) WILL: Daniel Hecht's apartment was here, the cameras were off to here. He was roughly in the center of a one-mile video blackout the night he was killed. So, unless this is a coincidence, which seems highly doubtful, there's just no way this is straight B&E. BOSS: Maybe, but Eisenberg is on the crime desk, and you are a staff reporter who's way passed deadline. WILL: Don't make me regret working for people in their fifties. (She stares at him.) WILL: Forties. BOSS: One week. (Berlin. In a van, Dixon drives while Sydney is being wired by another agent. She talks on her cell phone.) SYDNEY: Francie, sweetie, you're overreacting. FRANCIE: Charlie's cheating on me. I have the proof. Found something in his pocket. It's a matchbook with some girl's name and phone number written in it. DIXON: Copy that. We're five minutes out. SYDNEY: You can't be paranoid. That could mean anything. FRANCIE: It says, "I truly loved tonight. Rachel." The matchbook is from a hotel. SYDNEY: Oh, Fran, just don't assume the worst yet. I mean, you won't know until you know and the truth isn't always what it looks like. (The agent touches her breast, she slaps his hand and says something in German.) FRANCIE: Syd, where are you? SYDNEY: I'm actually with a German client, let me call you right back. (Inside a stadium, an agent walks through.) AGENT: All right, hey, listen up. Per agreement with the Directorate, we're going to divide the stadium straight down the middle. They get the west side, we get the east side. Alpha team, you're on rear over watch just in case they try to surprise us. Bravo and Charlie teams, you're on counter snipers. Now the rules of engagement are: you're authorized to fire only if our assets are fired upon. (A lot of snipers march up the steps to take position.) AGENT: Everyone hold your position, we're waiting for Bristow to go hot mic. (Sydney walks in with the lock box. Down the stadium steps. A sniper is pointed at her.) SYDNEY: Who am I talking to? VAUGHN: Your invisible friend. (Vaughn sits behind a computer and zooms in on Sydney walking in the stadium.) SYDNEY: Good. Where are you? VAUGHN: Satellite relay station back in L.A., watching you from a two-hundred mile orbit. SYDNEY: (looks up at the sky) My guardian angel. VAUGHN: I was going to say the same thing to you. Thanks for the promotion. SYDNEY: You're welcome. VAUGHN: Hey, heads up. (A car drives in. Sydney looks at her watch.) DIXON: Team leader, we're hot. VOICE: Copy that. SYDNEY: She's coming. (Back at SD-6, Sloane and Mr. Bristow watch on a computer screen.) SLOANE: Have you two spoken about her mother? MR. BRISTOW: Yes. She asked me about her death. SLOANE: Did you tell her the truth? (Mr. Bristow shakes his head.) (In the stadium, Sydney stands and waits. The car slows to a stop, and Ana gets out. Vaughn watches from his desk, worried. The car drives away, and Ana walks on the field. A sniper is pointed at her. She walks, calm and aloof. They meet on center field, snipers all pointed.) ANA: (speaks Russian) How's your Russian these days? (Sydney speaks Russian, then switches to Spanish. Ana answers in Spanish.) ANA: I heard about your fiance. Very sad. I thought perhaps it was a security execution sanctioned by your employer. Maybe you said something in your sleep you shouldn't have. (Sloane and Mr. Bristow watch. Vaughn from his desk.) ANA: But then why would you be here in service for the men that killed your true love? (Sydney wants to fight her, but looks at all the snipers.) SYDNEY: I take it you brought the key. ANA: I take it you brought the box. SYDNEY: Once we see what's inside, we go our separate ways. (Sydney nods toward Ana. She takes out the key. Vaughn looks really nervous. Slone watches with Bristow. Sydney puts the box down on the ground, Ana takes the key and inserts it. They open it. A crackling sound is heard. Sydney's eyes get wide; Ana looks equally surprised at its contents.) SYDNEY: Oh, my God.
Plan: A: Sydney's life; Q: What is in danger when Sydney is sent to Madrid to retrieve a sketch? A: 500-year-old; Q: How old is the sketch that Sydney is sent to retrieve? A: its reverse; Q: Where are the binary digits on the sketch? A: Rambaldi; Q: What artifact did Sydney bring back from Taipei? A: SD-6; Q: Who needs the sketch to decipher the key to the Rambaldi artifact? A: its workings; Q: What does SD-6 need the sketch to decipher the key to? A: his research; Q: What is Will doing to find out the cause of Danny's death? A: a strange anomaly; Q: What does Will Tippin discover concerning surveillance cameras in the zone of Danny's apartment the night he was murdered? A: the zone; Q: Will Tippin discovers surveillance cameras in what area of Danny's apartment the night he was murdered? A: the danger; Q: What is Sydney trying to make Will aware of? A: K-Directorate agent Anna Espinosa; Q: Who is Sydney's nemesis? A: a fight; Q: What happens when Sydney meets up with Anna Espinosa? A: a draw; Q: What is the result of the fight between Sydney and Anna? A: an arrangement; Q: What do Sydney and Anna make to open the suitcase together? A: two; Q: How many people look inside the suitcase in astonishment at something that remains unrevealed? Summary: Sydney's life is in danger as she is sent to Madrid to retrieve a 500-year-old sketch that contains a set of binary digits on its reverse, having to do with the Rambaldi artifact Sydney brought back from Taipei. SD-6 needs the sketch to decipher the key to its workings. Meanwhile, Will Tippin continues his research into the cause of Danny's death and discovers a strange anomaly concerning surveillance cameras in the zone of Danny's apartment the night he was murdered. Will is not aware of the danger he is placing himself in by doing this, but Sydney tries to make him stop. In Madrid, Sydney meets up with her deadly nemesis, K-Directorate agent Anna Espinosa, and a fight ensues to retrieve the sketch. It ends up at a draw, as Anna keeps the key to a small suitcase Sydney has obtained. In the end they have to make an arrangement to open the suitcase together, which has the two of them looking inside the suitcase in astonishment at something that remains unrevealed.
THE KING'S DEMONS BY: TERENCE DUDLEY Part Two First Air Date: 16 March 1983 Running time: 24:27 [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Not at all. You may disguise your features, but you can never disguise your intent. MASTER: And you can't approve. DOCTOR: You know I can't. TEGAN: Tissue compression eliminator. MASTER: You've always been my greatest stimulation, my dear Doctor, but now you inspire me. MASTER: Your first slip, my dear Doctor. Would you care to make a second? MASTER: And now a third. This is useless in your hands. You have moral scruples. JOHN: Come, what is this discourse? Consummate the victory. MASTER: Come, kill me. Thwart my little game. JOHN: Kill him. DOCTOR: It is sufficient, your Majesty, that your Champion is disarmed. JOHN: Not for us. In sooth, this is but a puny demon that has no stomach for it. So be it. Let the Maiden embrace the vanquished. MASTER: Your Majesty, no! Have mercy! I beg you, no! DOCTOR: Sire, I must intercede. As victor, I beg you to be merciful. JOHN: We are not merciful, our demon. DOCTOR: Your Majesty! JOHN: Hold! We give you the choice, our demon. The Maiden shall embrace this snivelling wretch, or Sir Geoffrey. Choose, our demon. Come, the lady waits, impatient to lavish her warm favours. Come, our demon. JOHN: Behold, our demon. We too have tricks. [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: Come, my toy, perform. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: What's the Master up to? DOCTOR: He's using that imposter to bring the real King John into disrepute. And now he thinks he's trapped us into doing his dirty work for him. RANULF: He is not the King. GEOFFREY: Well, not if he is here since yesterday. RANULF: Then who is he? GEOFFREY: Or what. There's devil's work in this. JOHN: Our demon shall be our Champion. Accoutre him. DOCTOR: See what I mean? GEOFFREY: We must act, and without delay. RANULF: There is naught we can do. He has Isabella held hostage. GEOFFREY: Then I must to London to warn the King. [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: Stop Geoffrey. [SCENE_BREAK] JOHN: Sir Geoffrey, surely you do not take your leave so soon? You are but arrived. Attend us. We would know how you think we can be in two places at the same time. [SCENE_BREAK] ISABELLA: Saints protect us. HUGH: Another demon. MASTER: Nay, good sire, I am no demon. I come to help you. And to save the King from that demon that has bewitched him. Gaoler! Open, good fellow. The King is in danger. ISABELLA: Who are you? MASTER: I am the Master. MASTER: Release your lord and lady. ISABELLA: Do as you are bidden! MASTER: I am the sworn enemy of that demon who calls himself the Doctor, who has come to defame the King and bring ill-repute to him. TURLOUGH: That's not true! ISABELLA: Defame the King? Why should he? MASTER: To set the Barons of Britain against him, to provoke a great rebellion and topple him from the throne. ISABELLA: Why? MASTER: To serve the devilish Doctor's own purpose. TURLOUGH: No, don't listen to him. MASTER: No, fellow, leave him. He serves the Doctor. TURLOUGH: Don't listen to him, please. He is the evil one. MASTER: We shall see. [SCENE_BREAK] JOHN: Is our Champion not ready? DOCTOR: Ready, sire. JOHN: Then let him attend us with his squire. DOCTOR: That's you. JOHN: Your sword. Come, your sword. We grow tired. JOHN: Kneel. JOHN: Arise, Sir Doctor. GEOFFREY: Who is this Doctor? RANULF: He says he comes as friend. GEOFFREY: Whence? RANULF: Aquitaine? JOHN: You are now our Champion. DOCTOR: Your Majesty does me great honour. And my first action in this role shall be to arrest that man. Arrest Sir Geoffrey de Lacy. GEOFFREY: A friend of thine, perhaps, not mine. DOCTOR: Unhand him. He is a man of honour. Lord Ranulf, is there a dungeon in this castle? RANULF: There is. DOCTOR: Sir Geoffrey, do you know it? GEOFFREY: Then be so good as to lead me to it. JOHN: We like our new Champion. He's something of a jester. DOCTOR: I must insist you lead me to the dungeon. DOCTOR: You have no choice. Must I remind you that my sovereign lord holds the Lady Isabella hostage? RANULF: I thought you friend. Geoffrey. GEOFFREY: For you, cousin. DOCTOR: No, my friends, attend the King. I have no need of assistance. Your Majesty. Sir Geoffrey. JOHN: We are tired. We shall retire and rest a while. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Would you very much mind DOCTOR: What? TEGAN: Telling me what's going on? DOCTOR: In the interest of security, where is the Master most likely to house his TARDIS? TEGAN: In a dungeon. DOCTOR: Quite so. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Doctor, you won't believe this, but DOCTOR: You've seen another TARDIS. Release him. GEOFFREY: The Maiden! DOCTOR: Quite so. GEOFFREY: Is Sir Gilles DOCTOR: There is no Sir Gilles. He is the Master in disguise. Now, you could call him a demon. Sir Geoffrey, you are no longer a prisoner. Release him. GEOFFREY: Who are you? DOCTOR: A friend, who wants to help. The Master has set up an imposter as King John of England. TEGAN: What for? DOCTOR: To change the course of history. TEGAN: What possible satisfaction can that give him? DOCTOR: He wants to rob the world of Magna Carta. Small time villainy by his standards, but nevertheless something I intend to stop if at all possible. GEOFFREY: But why do you serve this imposter king? DOCTOR: To gain time, and access to this. DOCTOR: You know the true king? GEOFFREY: Aye. Did we not take the Crusader's oath together but yesterday? DOCTOR: Then we must get you to London so you can warn him. GEOFFREY: 'Tis but four hours ride. DOCTOR: Oh, I can get you there much quicker than that. GEOFFREY: Your engine? DOCTOR: Yes, but first we must bring it here, into the castle. TEGAN: Look, let's all get out of here while we've still got the chance. DOCTOR: No, we must bring the imposter with us. TEGAN: Why? DOCTOR: To expose the Master's plan. Now, come along. If you so much as touch this, something very nasty will happen to you. TEGAN: You're never leaving the compressor here for the Master. DOCTOR: As a matter of fact, I am. [SCENE_BREAK] RANULF: I am most grateful, er MASTER: I am called the Master. ISABELLA: I too owe you gratitude. RANULF: Name what you will, Lord Master. It shall be yours. MASTER: I ask no reward. I wish merely to rid the King of his demons. That's why I'm here. RANULF: How long has the King been thus afflicted? MASTER: Who can tell? Perhaps he's always been accursed. RANULF: Have we any power against this sorcery? MASTER: I have. RANULF: Then this Doctor demon must be captured and put to the fire. ISABELLA: My lord MASTER: If then, my lord, you will put your knights and men-at-arms at my command. RANULF: It shall be done. [SCENE_BREAK] GEOFFREY: The tracks lead directly to the castle. DOCTOR: The Master, of course. TEGAN: Now what? DOCTOR: Back to square one. TEGAN: Oh. DOCTOR: I'm sorry, Sir Geoffrey. GEOFFREY: I will alone to London, if someone will help with a horse. TURLOUGH: I will. GEOFFREY: My thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] RANULF: This is the Lord Master, come to rid the King of his demons. Obey him in all things. HUGH: Father, the dungeon is empty. ISABELLA: They've taken Geoffrey. RANULF: Find these demons and bring them hither. MASTER: And the engine. Without it, they're helpless. RANULF: And the blue engine. HUGH: What of the King? Is he guarded? MASTER: I've seen to this. I'll oversee the search and then attend the King. RANULF: God be with you. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: But he couldn't have got the TARDIS in here. None of the outer doors is big enough. DOCTOR: Well, not for Sir Gilles. All the Master has to do is set coordinates. TEGAN: Where would he keep it? DOCTOR: The same place he keeps the King. DOCTOR: Ah, I wonder if you'd be so good as to show me to the King's chamber. I must insist. I am the King's Champion. HUGH: No longer, Sir Demon. Take them. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Go on. [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: Tee hee hee. Excellent shot. [SCENE_BREAK] HUGH: Father. RANULF: We have your engine, demon. DOCTOR: So I see. Where was it? RANULF: Where you left it, with the King. Did you think to kidnap him? Your plan is foiled. Where is Geoffrey? DOCTOR: Safely on his way to London. RANULF: You lie. DOCTOR: He should be there in a few hours. TEGAN: He's going to kill us. DOCTOR: The coordinates will be set. Get into the TARDIS. HUGH: Father, they hatch plots. RANULF: You have slain Sir Geoffrey. TEGAN: No, I believe he may be in the TARDIS. Blue engine. RANULF: Open it. TEGAN: No, I must open it. Other demons may try to harm you. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: I must distract them somehow. [SCENE_BREAK] RANULF: The demon has vanished! Find Sir Geoffrey. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Now what? [SCENE_BREAK] JOHN (OOV.): We sing in praise of total war against the Saracen we abhor. [SCENE_BREAK] JOHN: To free the tomb of Christ our Lord KAMELION: We'll put the known world to the sword. Welcome, my demon. DOCTOR: Your Majesty seems in need of a doctor. MASTER: Allow me to introduce Kamelion. DOCTOR: Your work. MASTER: Alas, modesty forbids such a claim. Kamelion is a tool of an earlier invader of Xeriphas, and instrumental in my escape from that benighted planet. DOCTOR: This is your King John? MASTER: Look again. DOCTOR: Impressive. MASTER: A weapon used by the invaders of Xeriphas. A decoy, capable of infinite form or personality. DOCTOR: Interesting. JOHN: Well said, my demon. We are a complex mass of artificial neurons. DOCTOR: And controlled by? MASTER: Nothing more than simple concentration and psychokinetics. Look again. DOCTOR: Can anyone play? MASTER: Please. MASTER 2: Quite masterly. MASTER: You flatter me. I prefer bad King John. [SCENE_BREAK] RANULF: Speak, cousin. Who has done this? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: So Kamelion here is bad King John. MASTER: Aided and abetted by you, his demon, and your blue engine. DOCTOR: It's cunning of you to confirm the superstitions put about by the monks. MASTER: Irresistible. Your arrival here was most timely. DOCTOR: A gift. MASTER: How succinctly put. DOCTOR: The King turns the Barons solidly against him, he is killed in battle or deposed, possibly in favour of King Phillip of France. He cannot therefore offer Magna Carta. What do you think of it so far? MASTER: I couldn't do better myself. DOCTOR: Thus the foundations of parliamentary democracy will never be laid. MASTER: Brilliant. DOCTOR: You cannot be allowed to alter the course of history, even indirectly. MASTER: How do you propose to stop me? DOCTOR: I shall have to give it some thought. MASTER: You haven't much time. DOCTOR: And you haven't your compressor. MASTER: I still have my wits. DOCTOR: So do I. [SCENE_BREAK] HUGH: Here is one not escaped. RANULF: Vile villain! He has slain Sir Geoffrey. TURLOUGH: I didn't do it. HUGH: You will die in torment, catiff. TURLOUGH: You're always threatening me, and without the slightest justification. HUGH: Be silent. TURLOUGH: I was trying to help him. RANULF: Help him? TURLOUGH: To a horse, to get to London. RANULF: To what end? TURLOUGH: To warn the King! RANULF: The King is here! ISABELLA: He speaks. GEOFFREY: (quietly) The King. Doctor. Seek. ISABELLA: Geoffrey. Oh. HUGH: Seek the Doctor? Where, in hell? RANULF: The Master will know. HUGH: Where is he? RANULF: He will be with the King. Bring the rogue. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Think. Think. [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: You would do well, my dear Doctor, to ponder that you played directly into my hand. KAMELION: And into ours. DOCTOR: He has a mind of his own? MASTER: Indeed. But highly susceptible. KAMELION: Dominated by our demons. MASTER: You will know that the King and his dead brothers are believed to be the devil's work. Your interference here with your dreary TARDIS has only confirmed this. You are, dare I say so, discredited demons, and as such you make a unique contribution to altering the course of history. Hoist on your own petard. DOCTOR: And where will you take your toy next? MASTER: Does it matter? You'll not be there to greet me. DOCTOR: I may not need to. You forget, Kamelion does have a mind of his own. MASTER: He obeys only my will. DOCTOR: Yes, but for how much longer? MASTER: For as long as I command it. Kamelion will not turn on me. DOCTOR: No? MASTER: You're getting old, Doctor. Your will is weak. It's time you regenerated. DOCTOR: You won't win, not ultimately. MASTER: You're mistaken. With Kamelion's unique ability at my command, it's only a matter of time before I undermine the key civilisations of the universe. Chaos will reign, and I shall be its emperor. DOCTOR: Earth is a primitive planet. You won't succeed so easily elsewhere. MASTER: Where I cannot win by stealth, I shall destroy. That way I cannot fail to win. DOCTOR: You'll never succeed. MASTER: Unfortunately, you will not be alive to find out. Which reminds me. My compressor. DOCTOR: Safely in my TARDIS. RANULF (OOV.): Your Majesty! JOHN: Enter. RANULF: Sire, you have him. JOHN: We have him. RANULF: Sire, they have slain my kinsman. JOHN: Such perfidy must not go unpunished. We would have boiling oil. See to it. TURLOUGH: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, I'm not a demon for nothing. MASTER: Very well, my dear Doctor. Your will against mine? So be it. RANULF: The King! What ails the King? MASTER: The Doctor. Kill. TURLOUGH: No! MASTER: Do you oppose me, boy? TURLOUGH: I've had quite enough of you, whoever you are, so don't try me too far. DOCTOR: Turlough! MASTER: No! Fools. MASTER: Mediaeval misfits! Don't think you've won yet, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: I don't believe it. Can you see it too? TURLOUGH: Yes, I'm afraid so. DOCTOR: Let me present Kamelion. TEGAN: What is it? KAMELION: Who is it, if you please. DOCTOR: Well, Tegan, it's a long story which appears to begin on Xeriphas. KAMELION: And who knows when it will end. DOCTOR: Oh, it will end with the Master. TEGAN: You're not going to leave the Master here to carry out his plan? DOCTOR: Well, he's without Kamelion now, and he won't be on Earth for much longer. I took the opportunity of leaving his compressor activated. Won't do his dimension circuits much good. He could end up anywhere except where he wants to go. TEGAN: Rather like the TARDIS, really. TEGAN: What are we going to do with him? DOCTOR: I don't know. TEGAN: Well, he can't stay on board. DOCTOR: Why not? He's harmless. KAMELION: And very cooperative. I would make an excellent colleague. TEGAN: Did you do that? KAMELION: Unexpected as it may be, I do have a mind of my own. DOCTOR: And a very fine mind it is too. KAMELION: I would be honoured if you will allow me to stay. DOCTOR: Of course. TEGAN: Doctor. DOCTOR: I apologise for Tegan's bad manners. TEGAN: He's a machine, Doctor, just a machine. How can we be certain he still isn't under the control of the Master? KAMELION: That isn't possible. TEGAN: Do you trust him? TURLOUGH: Yes. DOCTOR: It seems you're outvoted. KAMELION: I'm very grateful, Doctor. Where will I be quartered? TEGAN: You can have my room, for all I care. DOCTOR: As you wish. TEGAN: What are you doing? DOCTOR: I'm taking you home. TEGAN: Home? DOCTOR: Your own time. I assume that's where you'd prefer to be. TEGAN: What are you talking about? TURLOUGH: We were on our way to my planet, actually. TEGAN: I don't want to go home. DOCTOR: Of course you do. You don't have to pretend. It's a shame, of course. There were many wonders I wanted to show you. TEGAN: You still can. DOCTOR: The Eye of Orion. TURLOUGH: Indeed. TEGAN: You've been there? TURLOUGH: Yes. It is very beautiful. DOCTOR: But you wish to return home. TEGAN: No, I don't. DOCTOR: You don't? TEGAN: No. Show me the Eye of Orion, please. DOCTOR: All right. You won't regret it, I promise you. TEGAN: Well, aren't you going to reset the coordinates? DOCTOR: No. That's where we're going.
Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who discovered that The Master was behind the false King? A: the Magna Carta; Q: What does The Doctor want to prevent The Master from signing? Summary: The Doctor having discovered that The Master is behind the false King, works to stop the Master from preventing the Magna Carta to be signed.
-[Storybrooke]- (The dwarves are down in the mines, continuing to look for fairy dust. Happy attempts to gather everyone up.) Happy: Pick axes down, brothers! First round at Granny's is on me! Doc: Come on, Leroy. We're going to miss happy hour. Happy: Granny's running a two-for-one special on mead. Leroy: Just cause it's called happy hour, Happy, don't mean you got to be there. We got work to do. Happy: But you're tired. We all are. A break could help. Leroy: Charming asked us to mine for dust - fairy dust. To help bring Snow and Emma back home. And that's...what I'm...going to do! (Leroy continues to hack at the wall with his axe, until suddenly, he breaks through the wall and falls through into another cavern. David is called to the scene, who brings Henry and Mother Superior along with him. He enters the mine and encounters Happy.) David: Where is he? (Happy guides them to where Leroy fell through the wall. Below, David sees Leroy and several of the other dwarves, along with hundreds of diamonds lining the walls and ceiling of the mine.) Henry: Are those... Mother Superior: Diamonds. They're back. The magic brought them back. Henry: You mean, the kind that become fairy dust? Mother Superior: Indeed. We just need to refine them - grind them up. Do you still have what remains of Jefferson's hat? (David takes out the battered hat.) Mother Superior: You lock this up. Keep it safe. Because, by this time tomorrow, we'll have enough magic dust to make it work again. Henry: So, Mary Margaret and Emma... David: That's right, kid. We're bringing 'em home. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Granny's, David, Mother Superior, Belle, and the dwarves are celebrating with a round of drinks. Ruby is serving.) David: To the dwarves! (Everyone cheers.) David: That was quite a spill. Are you okay? Leroy: I've had worse. (Ruby goes to clear off a table, where Billy is waiting for her.) Billy: A mouse. Ruby: What? Where? Billy: No. I meant me. I was a mouse. My name was Gus. I lived in Cinderella's pantry, I ate cheese, I gnawed on wood, but I preferred the cheese. Ruby: And, why are you telling me this? Billy: Uh, we haven't had a chance to talk since things...changed. I just wanted you to know who I was... Back home. Ruby: Uh, can I, um, still call you Billy? Billy: You can call me whatever you want, as long as you let me buy you a drink after your shift. I already know Ruby. I want the chance to meet Red. Ruby: Um, tonight's actually not great. Because- Belle: Uh, we, uh... We have, uh, plans. Ruby: That's right, um... It's girls' night. I'm bringing the cheese. Which has nothing to do with you being a mouse. It has to do with the wine. Billy: Okay. Um... Maybe next time. (Billy exits.) Ruby: Thank you. Belle: I can spot a girl in trouble. He... He seems really nice. Ruby: It's... It's complicated. (On the other side of the diner, Henry is drinking a cup of coffee. David joins him.) David: Is that coffee? Henry: No. David: Trying to stay up, huh? (Henry nods.) David: Still worried about those nightmares? (He nods, again.) David: Well, don't be. Cause, when you go to sleep tonight, I'm going to be right in the next room. Now maybe, lose the java, and go grab a cocoa. (As soon as Henry leaves, Albert sits down in the booth across from David.) Albert: Congratulations, Sheriff. Quite a celebration. David: What are you doing here? Albert: You may have taken care of me in the old world, but, in this one, we get another go at each other. David: Whenever you're ready. Albert: It's a big moment for you, isn't it? On your way to getting your family back. David: Ah... Yeah, it must be hard for you. You know, watching good win. Albert: Good? So sure of yourself. But I know the truth. You're still just a shepherd pretending to be a prince. You weren't fit to run the kingdom, and you sure as hell aren't fit to run this town. David: I think the people of Storybrooke might disagree with you. Albert: Today. But I'm going to see to it that they see things my way. That they see you for who you really are. By the time I'm done with you, you'll wish you'd killed me when you had the chance. David: The people of this town know who I really am. And they've seen me defeat you before. So, if you want to try and take me down, they'll see it again. [SCENE_BREAK] (In the back of the diner, Granny is welding a cage of sorts out of one of the walk-in freezers. David enters.) Granny: Almost done. Let's finish clearing out those perishables. David: What the hell is this? Ruby: We're making a cage. Know anybody who might want thirty-eight frozen lasagnas? David: I'm sorry, what? Granny: I know. Nobody would believe it if you told them my lasagna was frozen. David: No. Why are you building a cage? Ruby: Tonight's the first full moon since the curse broke. It's the first night of Wolfstime. David: I thought you figured out how to control the wolf in you ages ago? Ruby: Yeah. But, thanks to the curse, I haven't turned in twenty-eight years. I might be rusty. I can't let what happened last time - what happened to Peter - happen to anyone else. David: What about your red hood? That could keep you from turning. Ruby: If I had it. I've looked everywhere. I even went to Gold. It's not in town. I don't think it came over with the curse. David: Ruby, I know you. I trust you. Snow trusted you. Wolfstime or not, you won't hurt anyone tonight. Ruby: Maybe. But I can't afford to take any chances. (Ruby steps into the freezer and Granny shuts the door.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Snow White and Red are running through the woods, and are trying to elude the Evil Queen's men.) Snow White: Oh, I think we lost them. Red: Snow, wait. Wait! Guard: You can't run from the Queen, Snow White! (The two of them fend off the guards and continue their escape.) Red: Come on. There are more of them. (Snow White stops when she sees a wanted poster with her name on it. She angrily tears it down and catches up with red. The two of them manage to escape the guards by hiding behind a tree.) Red: It's okay. They're gone. (Snow White takes out the poster.) Snow White: She's never going to stop, is she? Red: My hood... It's torn. You have to go. You have to get away from me. Snow White: I'm not leaving you. Red: There's a full moon tonight. Wolfstime is beginning. This hood is the only thing that can protect me from turning. Snow White: It's just a tear. Maybe it'll still work. Red: What if it doesn't? You saw what I did to Peter. This thing, the wolf... When it takes over me, I can't control it. Please, Snow. Find shelter. I'll go further into the woods and find a place to hide. For your own sake, we have to split up. Snow White: Alright. But just for tonight. Let's meet up in the morning by the stream. And then we'll find a safe place for both of us. Maybe a nice cabin in the woods. Red: Why are you doing this? Snow White: Doing what? Red: Being so kind to me. You saw what I did as a wolf. It's what I am. Snow White: I know that's not who you really are. We're in this together, Red. (Ruby leaves Snow White, but another person is watching them. His eyes glow yellow.) -[Storybrooke]- (The next morning, Granny enters the diner. Muttering to herself, she heads to the back to wake Ruby.) Granny: You awake yet, Ruby? Ruby, Ruby. (When she gets to the freezers, she discovers that Ruby has escaped. Scratch marks line the walls and the door.) Granny: Ruby! -[Netherworld]- (Henry is in the burning room from his nightmare. He tries to defend himself from the flames as he yells for help.) Henry: Help! Help! (Across the room, another person appears. He calls out to them.) Henry: Hey! Hey! Who are you? Where are we? -[Storybrooke]- (Regina wakes Henry up before the person from the dream has a chance to respond.) Regina: Henry? Henry, wake up. It's okay. It's okay. You're okay. Henry: Wh-what are you doing here? Where's David? Regina: He got an emergency call this morning, and he asked me to look after you. He told me you've been having nightmares. It's okay. You can- (Regina touches Henry's hand and he recoils in pain.) Henry: Ah! (She inspects his hand, and finds a burn running up the side of it.) Regina: Is that a burn? [SCENE_BREAK] (David and Granny search for Ruby in the forest. Granny leads the way.) Granny: This way. Over here. (They find Ruby asleep on the ground.) Granny: Ruby. Ruby, wake up. David: Hey. Ruby: Where am I? What happened? David: You're in the forest. You must've fallen asleep here last night. Ruby: I-I don't understand. You put me in that cage. You locked me up. Granny: The freezer was torn to shreds when I came to check in on you this morning. David: Ruby. Ruby, it's alright. Ruby: No. It's not. I don't remember anything from last night. This is exactly what I was afraid of. Oh my God. Did I do something last night? David: Ruby, all we know for sure is that you broke out and ran through the woods. There's no reason to assume the worst. (David's phone begins to vibrate. He answers it.) David: Sheriff. Yeah. Okay. I'll be right there. Ruby: What is it? David: Somebody left their car double-parked in front of the cannery. I got to go check it out on our way back into town. Hey. Relax. Everything's going to be okay. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Ruby awakens still wrapped in her hood. She is near a river.) Red: It worked. (She heads over to the river and takes off her hood. When she bends over to wash up, the man who was stalking her earlier appears, and then proceeds to grab her unattended hood.) Red: Hey! (Red chases after the man through the woods. She thinks she's lost him, but then turns around to see him dangling the hood above a flaming torch.) Quinn: Looking for this? Red: No, no! Don't! Please. I need that. Quinn: This old thing? What could you possibly need this for? Red: Drop it! Quinn: Unless... It protects you from something. Red: What are you talking about? Quinn: You think I don't know a wolf when I see one? (Red lunges towards him and tackles him to the ground.) Red: How do you know what I am? (He pushes her off of him, and the two switch positions.) Quinn: Because I know how to recognize a child of the moon. Red: You... You're one, too? Quinn: Name's Quinn. I picked up on your scent last night. You never had anyone talk to you about this, did you? Teach you about what you are? Red: My parents were killed by hunters when I was a baby. I was raised by my Granny. Quinn: But she kept the truth from you. Made you wear that. (She spots her hood on the ground and rushes over to pick it up.) Quinn: Still blacking out, right? Still losing control when you turn? Probably even hurt someone. I know how you feel - I've been there. It doesn't have to be this way. Red: What do you mean? Quinn: What if I told you there was a way to control it, so you never have to be afraid of what you might do again? Red: Is that possible? Quinn: Follow me. (They arrive at the base of a tree, where Quinn opens up a hatch on the ground. Red hesitates.) Red: Is this some kind of trick? (Quinn ignores her question, and she follows him down through the hatch. Below, they enter an underground castle. Several other people are hanging about inside.) Quinn: Used to be the grand hall of a castle, until it sunk underground. Now, it's all ours. Red: Are they... Quinn: Yes. We are all the same. Come - Anita is expecting you. Red: Who's Anita? (A woman appears.) Anita: That would be me. Well done, Quinn. You finally found her. You've grown so much. Red: You know me? Anita: I'm your mother. -[Storybrooke]- (David, Ruby, and Granny arrive at the docks via the Sheriff's car. There, they find Billy's tow truck.) Ruby: That's Billy's truck. David: Great. Who do I call to tow a tow truck? What is it, Ruby? What's wrong? Ruby: I smell blood. David: Where's Billy? (Ruby and David follow the scent of blood. Granny discovers Billy's torso underneath the truck.) Granny: Here. (Nearby, Ruby screams. Billy's lower half is sticking out of a dumpster.) Red: It was the wolf! It was me! [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mary Margaret's apartment, Regina makes Henry show his burnt hand to Mr. Gold.) Mr. Gold: Oh, yes. You were quite right to call me. Henry: So y-you can help? It was just a dream. Mr. Gold: Well, what you're describing's certainly not a dream. Regina: Then, what was it? Mr. Gold: A side effect. You know, it's remarkable you'd cast a curse you know so little about. Regina: My victims are not supposed to wake up. That's why I certainly never cared what happened to them after. ...Until now. (Mr. Gold, using the kit of potions he brought along with him, begins to prepare a potion. He carefully drips the various liquids into a pendant attached to a chain.) Mr. Gold: When people fall under a sleeping curse, the soul travels to a Netherworld, where it resides until awoken. Now, this world is between life and death, and it's very real. However, even when the curse is broken, sometimes, in sleep, the victims find their way back to that world. Victims like you. Regina: This other world is tormenting my son every time he sleeps. I want you to give him something that will keep him from going there. Mr. Gold: Well, I'm afraid that's not possible. I can, however, provide you with something that will allow him to control his actions whilst in that world. And once one controls something, one no longer need fear it. (He holds up the finished product - a necklace.) Henry: A necklace? Mr. Gold: You wear this while you're sleeping. Once you control the journey, fear will stop. And then, you can come and go as you please. (Mr. Gold extends the necklace to Henry, but Regina stops him from taking it.) Regina: Everything comes at a price with you. What do you want for this? Mr. Gold: For a house call? You couldn't afford it. But this is for Henry. This one's on me. (He hands the necklace to Henry, who, this time, takes it.) [SCENE_BREAK] (David, Ruby, and Granny are still at the docks.) David: It had to be something else, Ruby. Ruby: No, I did this! We both know it. David: No. A few months ago, everyone thought Mary Margaret was guilty of murder. She needed someone to believe in her. I didn't do that. I am not going to make the same mistake with you! Ruby: Mary Margaret never killed anyone. I have. David: I know who you really are, Ruby. Even if you've lost sight of it. Ruby: It doesn't change the fact that I am going to turn again tonight, and somebody else could get hurt. Granny: Maybe this isn't the place to have this discussion. David: It's okay. I'll protect her. Ruby: No! Lock me up. If the freezer couldn't hold me, maybe a jail cell will. I don't need to be protected from other people, David. Other people need to be protected from me. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Red and Anita are talking in the den.) Red: Granny lied to me. That story about you being killed by hunters... Anita: She's been lying to you ever since she stole you away from me, when you were just a baby. Red: Why would she do that? Anita: Because she didn't want you to find out the truth about who you really are. She believed the wolf is something to be ashamed of. I see things differently. Humans want us to believe we're the monsters. The moment you believe them... That's when you become one. You're not the first to learn the truth about yourself through tragedy. So many of us spent so much of our life suppressing the wolf. They have no idea how to control it. They just need help... Help embracing their true nature. The only way you will ever control the wolf, is by accepting it as a part of you. Red: You can teach me to do that? Anita: Indeed, I can. Red: How? Anita: You can start, by getting rid of that. (Red removes her hood, and then, hugs Anita.) -[Storybrooke]- (David locks Ruby in a cell at the station.) David: You'll be safe in here tonight. Ruby: Thank you, David. David: Thank me in the morning. By then, I'll have found whoever really killed Billy. (Albert enters.) Albert: You already have. That thing. That she-wolf. David: Get out. Whatever issues you have with me, don't involve her. There's no proof Ruby had anything to do with what happened. Albert: It seems to me, that you're allowing your emotions to cloud your judgment. Ruby: Leave him alone. Albert: Protecting your friend at the peril of everyone else. I knew you'd slip up, shepherd. It was only a matter of time. David: What do you want? Albert: Justice. Hand that over to me, and let the town decide her fate. David: Never. I know exactly what kind of justice you have in mind. Albert: This town is bigger than you think. I start telling people that you're putting their lives in danger to protect your own interests? You'll have a mutiny on your hands. David: Yeah, we'll see. You want her, you have to go through me. Albert: I look forward to that. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Nighttime falls over the forest. The people of the den transform into their wolf states, and run through the woods as a pact. Anita dictates a narrative to Red.) Anita: It'll be like nothing you've ever felt before... The pine needles underfoot, the air rushing over your fur, your brothers and sisters at your side. Your mind won't want to believe it. It will tell you a wolf is invading your body, trying to take over. And if you believe that, for even a moment, you'll black out, and lose control. Like you have every other night you've turned. But, if you give in to the wolf, you'll realize the truth. You, are the wolf. And, when you accept that, you will finally be in control. (Ruby awakens in the den, surrounded by Anita and the rest of the pack.) Anita: How much do you remember? Red: All of it. Anita: You finally became the wolf. Red: I don't have to be afraid anymore. -[Storybrooke]- (Albert has gathered up a mob in front of the Sheriff's station. He tries to front door, but discovers it has been chained shut. Not particularly bothered, he turns to address the crowd.) Albert: We won't cower in fear of this creature any longer! We know who she is, we know where she's hiding. So why is she still alive? (Everyone cheers in agreement.) Albert: Because she's being harboured by one person - David Nolan. How many more people have to die, before our Prince decides to act? Crowd: Yeah! Albert: If he won't protect you, I will. (Albert gestures for a man to break the chains. Once inside, the mob heads towards the jail cells. However, they find the cell empty.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At the library, Ruby, David, Granny and Belle have gathered to protect and secure Ruby. Ruby has found a set of shackles.) Ruby: These should work. David: Thanks for letting her hide here. The Sheriff's station isn't safe. Belle: Of course. It's, uh... It's not every day you find out your friend's- Ruby: A monster? Belle: Hunted. I was going to say hunted. Granny: The crowd's six blocks from here. Belle: You... You have wolf hearing, too? Granny: It's not all it's cracked up to be, especially when you run a hotel. David: The only way we're going to get the mob to stand down, is if we prove Ruby had nothing to do with Billy's death. I'm going to need your help. If the mob comes this way, call us. Come on. (Granny and David exit.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Red and the others are asleep in the den, when they're awoken by a sound.) Red: What is it? Quinn: Hunters. (Everyone moves to a hiding position, as a person is heard slowly walking down the stairs. Quinn then ambushes the person, who turns out to be Snow White. Red protests.) Red: No! Don't! She's not here to hurt us! Quinn: What other reason do humans have for entering our den? Red: She's a friend. Who stood by me after she learned the truth - after I killed. Without her, I never would've escaped my village alive! Anita: Let her go. Red: Oh, I'm sorry Snow! Snow White: When you didn't show up at the stream this morning, I thought the Queen's men had killed you. So... Who are your friends? Quinn: We're her pack. Snow White: Are they... Red: Yes. They're like me. But you don't have to fear them. Snow White: Of course not. Anita: How did you find us? Snow White: I tracked wolf prints here, like you taught me. Red: You could've been caught by the Queen's men. Snow White: I wasn't going to leave without you. Why don't we go find that cabin we talked about, okay? (Snow White goes to leave and tries to pull Red along, but she resists.) Snow White: You're not coming with me, are you? Red: I don't have to be ashamed of who I am here. I found my home. I found my mother. Snow White: But I thought- Red: Granny lied. I'm sorry, Snow. I know you risked your life to come back here for me. Snow White: No, I understand. I would do anything to be with my mother again. Red: I know we planned on leaving the kingdom together... Snow White: I'll be alright. You've taught me enough already. I'll manage. (They hug.) Snow White: Bye, Red. Thank you. Red: No, thank you. (Suddenly, an arrow flies through the air, striking Quinn in the chest.) Anita: Quinn! Snow White: They found me. (Several guards enter the den.) Guard: Stand down or die at the hands of the- (Everyone attacks the Queen's guards, while Red tends to Quinn.) Red: Quinn, no! (Quinn draws his last breath, then goes limp.) Red: He's gone. -[Storybrooke]- (Belle and Ruby are at the library, alone. Ruby still hasn't chained herself up.) Ruby: You need to leave. The moon's going to be up soon. Belle: But will the chains hold? Ruby: Hopefully. Belle: Then, I'm staying. Think of it as girls' night. What's wrong? Ruby: I know David wants to believe the best, but I've killed before, and I'll do it again. Everyone in this town is right to be afraid of me. Belle: Okay, well I'm not. Ruby: You should be. Belle: No matter what you might've done in your past, David sees the good in you and... And that tells me one thing. Ruby: What? Belle: That it's in there. So if we can all see it, why can't you? Ruby: You really think so? Belle: Trust me. I'm sort of an expert when it comes to rehabilitation. Ruby: Maybe. Maybe, you're right. But the town's right, too. I am a monster. And that's why I need to make sure I don't ever hurt anyone again. Belle: No, no, no. Wh-What are you doing? Ruby: I can't let you stop me. The mob wants a wolf, I'm going to give them one. I need to pay for all I've done. Belle: And they'll kill you! Ruby: Isn't that what I deserve? [SCENE_BREAK] (David and Granny are on the main street of Storybrooke. She sniffs Billy's jacket to pick up an odor.) Granny: This way. (She leads them to a parked car.) Granny: The trunk. (David pops the truck. Inside, everything appears to be normal. However, underneath, they find Ruby's hood and a hatchet in the spare tire compartment.) David: The wolf didn't kill Billy. Granny: Ruby's hood. David: So she'd be forced to change back into a wolf. So whoever killed Billy could pin the murder on her. Granny: Who would want to hurt my Ruby? (David smashes in the driver's side window and finds the registration.) David: This isn't about Ruby. It's about me. Spencer. Granny: King George? David: He needed a reason to wrestle power away from me, so he created one. (A wolf is heard howling in the distance.) Granny: She's out. David: The mob. They're going to kill her. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (In the den, Anita sits next to Quinn's body. She closes his eyes with her hand.) Anita: May you always run free beneath the moon's pale light. Snow White: Red, I'm so sorry. Anita: You. You did this. Snow White: What? No. Anita: You brought the Queen's men into our den. Snow White: You have to believe me. I had no idea they followed me. Red: Mother, she didn't. Anita: It doesn't matter. Wherever humans go, death follows. The only way to stop them, is to kill them first. Tie her up. (Two of the wolves grab Snow White and begin to tie her up.) Snow White: No! Anita: When the moon rises, we'll feast on a princess. Red: What are you doing? Anita: She'll pay for the life that we lost. Red: Mother, you're not making any sense. Anita: You already made your choice, Red. You're one of us now. Act like it. Kill her. Red: No. I won't kill my friend. Anita: Then I will. Red: No. Mother, stop! Anita: Sorry, my daughter. This is what it means to be a wolf. (Anita transforms into her wolf form and approaches Snow White, who is now bound at the wrists.) Snow White: Please... (Anita goes to attack Snow White, but Red, transformed into her wolf form, attacks Anita first.) Snow White: Red! (Anita transforms back into a human, and is found lying on the ground with a spike jutting out of her chest. Snow White grabs Red's hood and throws it over her, reverting her back into a human state.) Red: I didn't mean to. I'm... I'm sorry, mother. Anita: You chose her. Red: No. I chose me. I'm not a killer. (Anita passes and goes limp.) -[Storybrooke]- (Albert and his mob have now gathered outside of the library. Ruby howls.) Albert: She's close. (He leads the mob to an alley, where they find Ruby hiding behind a dumpster.) Albert: There you are. (Albert draws his gun and goes to shoot the wolf, but, before he gets the chance, Granny shoots the gun out of his hand with her crossbow.) Granny: The next one goes between your eyes! David: Ruby! (The crowd protests angrily at David's arrival.) David: Listen to me! Ruby didn't kill Billy. He did. He stole her cloak, and killed Billy in cold blood to make it look like a wolf. All to get you to think I wasn't leading this town as I should. (The wolf growls, causing the mob to start to move forward.) David: Hold up! Somebody already died because of what this man did. Let's not spill more blood. She won't hurt anyone. She's just scared. (David slowly edges towards where Ruby is hiding, the hood in hand.) David: Ruby? I know you're in there, so listen to me. It was Spencer, not you. Don't let him trick you into thinking you're a monster. (The wolf growls.) David: Alright, alright. Poor... Poor choice of words. Please. Ruby. I know you. I know the real you, and I know you can control the wolf. Ruby. Ruby? Ruby. (David's hand is now inches from Ruby.) David: It's me - David. (The wolf stops growling and obediently sits. David quickly throws the hood over Ruby, transforming her back into a human.) Ruby: You saved me. David: No. You saved yourself. I just reminded you of what you already knew. (Behind them, there is a commotion amongst the crowd. They run over and find Granny on the ground. David helps her up.) David: What happened? Where's Spencer? Granny: He's gone. Go. Go. David: Okay. (David gets into his car. Ruby joins him.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At the beach, Ruby and David find Albert standing next to a fire.) Ruby: You think you can hide from a wolf? Albert: I wasn't trying to hide. David: You killed an innocent man. Albert: He was a mouse. Ruby: He was better than you'll ever be. David: You want to make a deal? It's not going to happen. Albert: I'm not interested in making a deal. I just want to see the look on your face when you realize something. David: And what's that? Albert: That you're never going to see your wife, or your daughter, again. David: What are you talking about? Albert: You really should be more cautious with something so valuable. (Albert pulls out Jefferson's hat and tosses it into the fire.) David: No! Albert: It doesn't matter how much fairy dust you gather, or how much you rally the town behind you. Your family's gone. (David punches him in the face, knocking him to the ground. David draws his gun and levels it at Albert.) Ruby: David, don't. Albert: I told you - you should've killed me when you had the chance. (David decides against shooting him, and lowers his arm.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Red has buried her mother in a makeshift grave in the forest. Snow White watches.) Red: May you always run free beneath the moon's pale light. Goodbye, mother. (They embrace.) Snow White: I'm so sorry. I know what it's like to lose your family. Red: I didn't lose my family today - I protected it. Snow White: Thank you. Red: My mother wanted me to choose between being a wolf and being a human. Granny did, too. You are the only person who ever thought it was okay for me to be both. Snow White: Cause that's who you are. Come on. Let's go find that cabin. -[Storybrooke]- (At Mary Margaret's apartment, David and Ruby watch Henry sleep.) David: He may never see his mother or grandmother again. How am I going to break that news to him? Ruby: You won't have to. David: Travel between worlds is as hard as it comes. Fairy dust on its own isn't enough. It took an entire curse to get us here in the first place. Without the hat... Ruby: You'll find another way. David: You don't know that. Ruby: But I know you. And I know you'll never give up until you do. And David? You're not going to be doing this alone. David: Thank you. (Ruby turns to leave.) Ruby: Do you mind giving Granny a call? David: Sure. Why? What for? Ruby: I may have left Belle chained up in the library. Somebody should probably... David: Unchain her? Ruby: Yeah. David: Yeah, I'll take care of it. Where you going? Ruby: I've still got a few hours of Wolfstime left. You helped me regain control. I want to do something I haven't done in a very long time. David: What's that? Ruby: Run. (Ruby exits. David hears a howl outside and smiles.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Emma finds Mary Margaret sitting alone in the woods.) Emma: What are you doing? MMB: Uh, just thinking. Emma: Come on. Mulan has some ideas where Cora might be hiding. (The two head back to the camp. Meanwhile, Aurora is sleeping.) -[Netherworld]- (Aurora is in the burning room from her nightmare. She screams as the flames jump at her. Suddenly, Henry appears across the room, wearing his necklace. He closes his eyes, and the flames gradually subside.) Henry: Wait. Don't be scared. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Aurora wakes up from her dream.) Aurora: Snow! Snow! MMB: Hey. I'm here. It's okay, it's okay. It was just another nightmare. Aurora: No, this time was different. There was a little boy. He... He put out the fire. He talked to me. MMB: A little boy? Emma: What'd he say? Aurora: He said... He said his name was Henry. -[End]-
Plan: A: Ruby; Q: Who is the prime suspect in the murder of a town resident? A: a wolf; Q: What does Ruby fear turning into during the first curse-free full moon? A: one; Q: How many of the town's residents are murdered? A: Decker; Q: Who threatens to expose David as a shepherd? A: King George; Q: What is Decker's alias? A: a prince; Q: What is David not? A: sheriff; Q: What position does David have in Storybrooke? A: Leroy; Q: Who stumbles upon some treasure in the Storybrooke mine? A: the Storybrooke mine; Q: Where does Leroy stumble upon some treasure that could help bring Mary Margaret and Emma back into our world? A: Red Riding Hood; Q: Who finds a kindred spirit in Anita? A: Anita; Q: Who is the mysterious leader of a pack of humans who turn into wolves? Summary: Ruby's fear about turning into a wolf during the first curse-free Storybrooke full moon is confirmed when one of the town's residents is viciously murdered, and Ruby is the prime suspect; Decker - aka King George - threatens to expose David as a shepherd, not a prince, and not fit to run the town as sheriff; and Leroy stumbles upon some treasure in the Storybrooke mine that could help bring Mary Margaret and Emma back into our world. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, Red Riding Hood finds a kindred spirit in Anita, a charismatic and mysterious leader of a pack of humans who, like Red, turn out to be wolves.
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [EXT. ORPHEUS (STOCK) - NIGHT] (The limo pulls up in front of the hotel.) (Cut to: A woman leans out the driver's window and hands the valet a cash tip.) Valet 1: Thank you. Have a good night. (The woman drives away. As he heads back, a second valet walks by him on his way to his own customer.) Valet 2: Eagles covered, bro. Cough up the twenty. Valet 1: Man, backdoor touchdown. Man, kills you every time. (The first valet hands the money over to the second valet. He grins and laughs as he checks the bill out.) Valet 2: Ha-ha! (Cut back to the front door: SHERIFF RORY ATWATER and his dinner party walk out of the hotel. The women laugh at something he says. He heads over to the valet.) (Cut to: [DRIVER'S POV] ADAM WATSON drives up the hotel front heading for the valet service.) (Resume: VALET 2 walks toward the driver's window.) (Cut to: SHERIFF RORY ATWATER tips the HEAD VALET and hands him the ticket for his car.) (VALET 2 reaches the car's driver and leans in through the open window.) Valet 2: Welcome to the Orpheus. You checking in or just donating? Adam Watson: Checking in. Valet 2: Any bags, sir? (ADAM WATSON looks at the passenger seat to indicate the carry-on next to him.) Adam Watson: I got this one. Grab the one in the trunk. (VALET 2 walks around the back of the car. No sooner than he reaches the trunk, it explodes sending him flying high up into the air. Patrons around the area scream and duck at the unexpected attack; fire engulfs the car interior shattering the car glass. The VALET'S body lands on the asphalt with a thud.) (SHERIFF RORY ATWATER watches from the side, crouched low.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ORPHEUS - FRONT -- NIGHT] (Emergency Personnel, Fire Units and Officer Cars assist with helping the injured. The Fire Units work on putting the car fire out.) (GRISSOM and CATHERINE exit their vehicle and make their way toward the scene. SHERIFF RORY ATWATER speaks with a couple of members of the BOMB SQUAD. He looks up and sees GRISSOM and CATHERINE walking toward him. He turns and heads toward them.) Sheriff Rory Atwater: Car bomb. Driver and valet are dead. Another valet is critical. Got at least a dozen injured. I was having dinner here; was on my way out. It'd gone off a couple of seconds later, you'd be picking my badge up off the ground. Grissom: Thank God you're all right. (GRISSOM points to the area behind him.) Sheriff, did they, uh, sweep the area for secondaries? Sheriff Rory Atwater: Bomb squad says it's all clear. Catherine: (looking around) We'll photo-document the scene. Overalls from all angles. Aerials as well. (Suddenly consecutive gunfire rings out in the area. GRISSOM grabs CATHERINE and pushes her toward the nearest vehicle to shield her from the gunfire. The SHERIFF ducks down and heads for the vehicle as well.) (Uninjured people scream and run for cover.) (The gunfire continues.) (GRISSOM stays where he his using his body to cover CATHERINE. The SHERIFF draws his gun and stands up looking around for the shooter.) (GRISSOM looks around.) (The gunfire stops.) SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ORPHEUS - FRONT -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM and SHERIFF RORY ATWATER look into the open trunk at the partially burned suitcase inside.) Sheriff Rory Atwater: Guess it wasn't a sniper. Grissom: (explains) Fixed ammunition in the trunk. The gunpowder must have heated up, and the, uh, rounds cooked off. (Quick CGI of: Inside the back of the trunk, the suitcase is burning. Camera pushes into the suitcase where we see the box of ammunition burning. Sounds of the rounds going off as they heat up and explode. End of CGI. Resume to present.) (CATHERINE stands to the side of the car.) Catherine: I'm going to start marking the evidence. (She steps away. GRISSOM moves from the back of the car to the front as he narrates what he thinks happened.) Grissom: I believe the, uh, glass pressure traveled from the rear of the vehicle, through the front ... (GRISSOM reaches the driver's side shining his flashlight on the steering wheel. He moves the light down to the floor where he finds a pair of feet flat on the floor cut off at the ankles.) Grissom: ... and evidently separated the driver's body at the ankles. (louder) David, we have body parts in the car! David Phillips: I've been looking for the feet. Grissom: I found 'em. (The SHERIFF stands to the side, his arms crossed looking at what GRISSOM'S showing him.) Sheriff Rory Atwater: We gotta ID the driver ASAP. (GRISSOM looks at the dash.) Grissom: Well, the VIN number's still attached. Sheriff Rory Atwater: (to the officer) Write that down. Call in the DMV. Officer: (cc) Yes, sir. (Cut to: DAVID PHILLIPS holds a burned hand cut off at the wrist. He gently wraps it in a white cloth.) (Cut to: CATHERINE places evidence markers on the ground as she sees something worth examining further. She places evidence marker #34 on the ground next to an empty bullet casing. She straightens, takes a couple steps forward then places evidence marker #35 on the ground next to what looks like a gun.) (She photographs it.) (In the background, a black vehicle pulls up. NICK exits the car. He looks around, sees her and walks over to her.) Nick: Sorry, Catherine. Traffic's backed up all the way to the strip. (CATHERINE picks up the gun.) Catherine: Got a sig-sauer. Probably the driver's. Nick: I'll start bagging. Gather the detritus and separate out the bomb components. Catherine: (distracted) Okay. (She points the camera downward and snaps another picture.) (Cut back to: The media van pulls up in front of the hotel.) Grissom: Here's press. You're on. Wish I could help, but, uh, I got a vehicle to process. (The SHERIFF runs a hand through his hair.) Sheriff Rory Atwater: Come on, Grissom -- a bomb goes off these days, they're going to assume it's a hit. What are you thinking? Grissom: I'm not thinking. I'm just looking. (The SHERIFF heads for the media vans and crew setting up their equipment.) Sheriff Rory Atwater: (over his shoulder) That's good. Can I use that? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] (Camera pans across the strip to a large lit billboard on THE MEDITERRANEAN for MYLES RUEBEN, "Prince of Soul".) [INT. THE MEDITERRANEAN - SUITE - NIGHT] (WARRICK, SARA and a detective walk into the hotel suite. There's a body floating face down in the bubbling hot tub.) Detective Vartann: Amelia Rueben. Twenty-five. Warrick: She a guest? Or a guest of a guest? Detective Vartann: Myles Rueben's wife. Sara: Who found her? Detective Vartann: About forty minutes ago, a maid walked in for "turn-down" service. Called hotel security. (WARRICK starts taking pictures of the scene.) Sara: Still on a timer. (SARA sees something. She puts her kit down and reaches into the tub to pull out a glass.) Sara: Got a wine glass. Warrick: Does Myles know? Detective Vartann: He's still onstage. [INT. THE MEDITERRANEAN - ON STAGE -- NIGHT] (MYLES RUEBEN is on stage singing to a thrilled audience.) Myles Ruben: (lyrics) hold up, slow to row / let's lay low before you go too far / remember who you are / why you want to start givin' me the third degree / all of this responsibility... / [HOTEL SUITE] (SARA opens her kit. WARRICK looks around the room and finds the wine bottle on the dressing table.) Warrick: Got a wine bottle. (He takes a picture of it, puts his camera aside and picks up the bottle to check it.) Warrick: Almost empty. (SARA glances over her shoulder at WARRICK.) [ON STAGE] Myles Ruben: (lyrics) Love ain't gonna get me till I know I'm ready ... [HOTEL SUITE] (WARRICK glances from the bottle to SARA.) Warrick: Alcohol. Hot tub. A little bit too relaxed. (Camera shot of AMELIA RUEBEN face down in the tub.) [ON STAGE] Myles Ruben: (lyrics) ...That you see / you see / just a part of me / just a part of me ... [HOTEL SUITE] (ROBBINS checks the body temperature. The body is now out of the hot tub and on a gurney.) Robbins: Temperature of the spa water makes liver temp irrelevant. But given the redness of her eyes, I'd estimate she's been dead less than an hour. (SARA processes the hot tub buttons.) (In the background, we can hear MYLES RUEBEN sing.) [ON STAGE] Myles Ruben: (lyrics) You're having visions of happy ever after, lost in love / [HOTEL SUITE] (ROBBINS places the white sheet over AMELIA RUEBEN'S head, covering her.) [ON STAGE] Myles Ruben: (lyrics) why you want the rush / why you want the rush / but yeah, I care for you / but I can't trust my heart the way that you do / 'cause when it comes/to love ... [HOTEL SUITE] (The CORONER'S office wheels the gurney away. SARA lifts a print off of the hot tub button.) Warrick: It just dawned on me what's Rueben's biggest hit was. Sara: What's that? Warrick: "Amelia." (SARA turns and glances over her shoulder at WARRICK.) [ON STAGE] Myles Ruben: (lyrics) Girl, love ain't gonna get me / gonna get me / till I know I'm ready / you think you know me / oh / but I'm hopin' that you see / you see / just a fantasy... (Backstage, the curtains shift as WARRICK, SARA and SAM HOPKINS, MYLES' manager enter. They stand on the side and watch MYLES RUEBEN onstage.) Sam Hopkins: I'll handle this when Myles breaks for the encore. Been the kid's manager since '97. Myles Ruben: (lyrics) But I'm hopin' that you see... Sam Hopkins: I should be the one to tell him. Myles Ruben: (lyrics) Just a part of me / I'm always gonna be / just a fantasy / a fantasy. (The song ends to the audience cheering and applauding. MYLES RUEBEN backs away and rushes off stage. A towel is handed to him and he walks down the steps toward SAM.) [BACKSTAGE] (Using the towel, MYLES dabs the sweat from his face.) Myles Ruben: How was that, Sam? Sound good? Sam Hopkins: (unenthusiastic) Great, Myles. The best. Myles Ruben: What? What's wrong? I missed a high note, huh? Man ... Sam Hopkins: No, no, no. Everything sounded great. (He glances at WARRICK and SARA) Listen, Myles, these are Crime Scene Investigators. Myles, uh ... there's been an accident. Myles Ruben: (panicking) An accident? What, is it my mother? Did-did something happen back East? Sam Hopkins: No, no, no. Your mother's fine. Look, Myles, it's, uh ... (SAM falters. He looks down, unable to continue. SARA picks it up.) Sara: Mr. Rueben, I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but your wife is dead. (MYLES is stunned. He looks at SAM. SAM nods. MYLES looks around, lost.) Myles Ruben: (mumbling) I gotta ... I gotta ... (He turns and looks back at the audience who is clapping and chanting for an encore.) Audience: (chanting) Amelia! Amelia! (He shakes his head and turns to SAM.) Myles Ruben: Turn the houselights up, Sam. There's no encore tonight. (MYLES walks past SAM and heads out. Everyone watches him go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / GARAGE -- NIGHT] (GREG turns the hallway corner and walks into the garage where GRISSOM is working on the car.) Greg: I heard about the bombing. I'm here to help. Grissom: I located the seat of the explosion. The bomb was attached to the fuel tank. Greg: Gas-enhanced. Bomber maximized his bang. (GRISSOM doesn't look up, but motions to under the car.) Grissom: You really want to help, climb under here and find the initiation switch. (INTERCUT WITH: [UNDER THE CAR] GREG is on a dolly and pushes himself under the car. He uses his flashlight to examine under the car.) (GRISSOM examines the car steering wheel.) (GREG continues to examine under the car. He finds something.) Greg: Got a stray wire. (He follows the wire.) Greg: Leading away from the gas tank, right into the center of the dash. (Camera zooms to show us a close up of the frayed edge of the wire.) Greg: Nowhere near the loom. (Back in the front seat, GRISSOM shifts his gaze from examining the steering wheel to the dash.) (The damaged dash morphs back into its pre-explosion state. GRISSOM sees something.) (Quick CGI through the digital clock in the dash in to the mechanism inside. A small jolt of electricity sets off inside the clock.) Grissom: (V.O.) The digital clock was the switch. (The camera follows the blue electrical jolt through the wiring in the digital clock.) (End of quick CGI. Resume to GRISSOM.) Grissom: It was time-activated. Greg: What's next? Grissom: Nick has to reconstruct the bomb. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (NICK empties the tray with the bomb parts onto the table. He separates the larger pieces out of the mix and sets them aside. He picks up a piece, looks at it, then sets it aside.) (He picks up another piece, examines it and sets that aside next to the first piece.) (He empties the contents of the second tray onto the table and sorts through those items. He examines every item piece by piece and sorts through them.) (Finally, he's left with the wire. He examines the wire and sets it aside.) (Camera zooms in to the group of small fragments on the table.) (Quick CGI: The fragments assemble themselves to show a pipe. Inside the pipe, is the wire. Finally, the exploding cap twists onto the end of the pipe. Camera pulls away to show the pipe resting on some clay stuck to two red stands.) (End of quick CGI. Resume to: [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (NICK reports his findings to GRISSOM and SHERIFF RORY ATWATER.) Nick: It was a pipe bomb. Initiated by a lightbulb filament. Grissom: Bomb was attached to the fuel tank. Nick: There were still magnet and solder fragments attached to the pipe. (NICK shows the photo to the SHERIFF.) Sheriff Rory Atwater: Did you find any kind of timing device? Nick: Digital clock in the dash. Sheriff Rory Atwater: What about the type of explosive used? Grissom: Not yet. Nick: I was about to analyze the chemical residue left on the bomb frags. Grissom: Be sure to do an organics and inorganics test. Nick: Will do. (NICK leaves the office. The SHERIFF sighs, steps toward the seat in front of GRISSOM'S desk and sits down.) Sheriff Rory Atwater: So ... what does it all mean? Grissom: What does what all mean? Sheriff Rory Atwater: Don't play dumb with me, Gil. Explosions lead the news. I need to know who, and I need to know why. Grissom: Well, the evidence is only teaching us about the bomb, not the bomber. Sheriff Rory Atwater: What about a signature? Is there anything distinct, unusual about this particular bomb? Grissom: (shakes his head) No. (thinks about it) Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (ROBBINS goes over the preliminary findings with SARA and WARRICK.) Robbins: Amelia Rueben didn't drown. If she had, there'd be fluid in her nasal sinuses. (Quick CGI to: AMELIA RUEBEN face-down in the water. Her head is submerged under the water. Camera zooms in toward her nose and in through her nose to show her sinuses. Water fills up the sinuses.) Robbins: (V.O.) Clear as a bell. (End of quick CGI. Resume to present.) Sara: What was the cause of death? Robbins: Cardiac arrest. (WARRICK opens and references back to the file folder.) Warrick: (surprised) She was only 25. Was there some kind of defect? Robbins: No, her heart was in perfect condition. In fact, I have it over here. (ROBBINS motions to the side. They all step to gather around the tray with the heart in it.) Robbins: See the myocardium? There's no evidence of hemorrhage, infarct or scarring. No coronary occlusions. I can't explain it. Warrick: (gazing down at the heart) It's like a mystery of the heart. (ROBBINS and SARA turn to look at WARRICK. He raises his head to look back at them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] (Scene opens on the burned gun in a tray. BOBBY DAWSON explains his findings to CATHERINE.) Bobby Dawson: So, that sig-sauer you found ... Catherine: Yes. Bobby Dawson: Relatively nondescript. Uh, the blue stuff, sent a sample to Trace. Pretty sure it's from some sort of bag that melted in the explosion. Catherine: Right. And the bullets from the Camaro's trunk? Bobby Dawson: A-ha. Pre-fragmented ammo. Now they're unique. Exemplar's under the magnifier. (CATHERINE looks at the bullet under the magnifier. Camera zooms in to the bullet for a close-up.) Bobby Dawson: Copper jacket contains lead shot sealed with a clear epoxy plug. Catherine: I've never seen anything like that. Bobby Dawson: It's designed to enter a target, but not exit. (Quick flash to: A bullet is fired from a gun and impacts through a clothed target. The shirt disappears to reveal the chest and an x-ray view of the chest. The camera angle turns sideways to show the bullet enter the chest and dissipate inside the body.) (End of quick flash. Resume to present.) Catherine: Penetration, not perforation. Why? Bobby Dawson: Well, say you're on a commercial flight. Plane gets hijacked. US Air Marshal needs to take down the hijacker ... Catherine: ... but not the plane. Bobby Dawson: Right. Nowadays, magsafes are sold commercially, but there's really not much of a market. So chances are, your driver's a Federal Air Marshal. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (Scene opens on a close up of two prints, side-by-side, on the monitor screen. The computer is trying to match the print through the database.) (Different angle on the room. SARA sits behind the monitor while WARRICK watches next to her. The computer beeps.) (Back to the monitor to show the print match.) Sara: It's a match. PRT on the hot tub dial was Sam Hopkins. (Monitor shows the following information: SAM HOPKINS 493 PYRAMID WAY LAS VEGAS, NV Manager for Myles Ruben No prior Criminal Record <<File 02157.5784>> Warrick: Rueben's manager? Amelia was butt-naked in the hot tub. What was he doing in her room tweaking dials? Sara: While her husband's onstage? (GREG walks into the lab.) Greg: Spectroscopy just got back. Hydrofluoric acid in her system. Sara: Isn't that an industrial solvent? Greg: High-powered stuff. Mainly used to remove rust, clean glass, brighten aluminum, dissolve silicas ... and commit murder. Warrick: She was poisoned. That would explain her heart attack. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LAS VEGAS HOTEL -- DAY] (SAM HOPKINS is standing center stage while the spotlight is on him. He shields his eyes from the lights and yells to the LightMan, Jimmy.) Sam Hopkins: You're killing me, Jimmy. You're killing me. All night the spotlight was off. Way too hot on his face. It's too hot on me right now. They guy's not Wayne Newton, all right? Can you see it on my face, Jim? I need ... Jimmy. Thank ... I need a cast shadow on him for all the love songs. (SARA and WARRICK stand in front of the stage.) Warrick: Mr. Hopkins, could you answer the question, please. (SAM HOPKINS steps aside to pay attention to them.) Sam Hopkins: Sorry. (He kneels down on stage to look at them.) Sam Hopkins: Yes, I was in Amelia's room. I'm in there all the time. We're like family. Sara: We know you were close. Do you always turn on the hot tub for her? Sam Hopkins: I represent one of the biggest headliners in town. Wear a lot of hats: Manager, marriage counselor, confidante. I kept Myles happy by keeping her happy. (Quick flashback to: [BATHROOM] AMELIA is in the hot tub as the water runs, filling the tub. SAM HOPKINS stands nearby.) Sam Hopkins: Amelia, anything else I can get for you? (AMELIA doesn't answer, although she glances at SAM.) (Cut to: AMELIA again doesn't answer. SAM kneels down next to the hot tub.) Sam Hopkins: Look, sweetheart. Here's how this works. You give him his space, he sings his heart out. Honey, we all prosper. Let me set up a dinner for you two -- quiet, alone -- after the show. Amelia Ruben: No work. Never happen. Sam Hopkins: Relax. (He reaches and turns the water off.) Sam Hopkins: Give me an hour. (He turns to leave the bathroom. AMELIA reaches for her wineglass.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: But you must admit, the boss' wife, naked in a hot tub, looks kind of funky. Sam Hopkins: Look at me. Do I look like a threat? The reason I've succeeded in this business, I don't squat where I eat, you know what I mean? Sara: All right, let's talk about drinking. There was a bottle of wine found near the tub. Did you have a drink with her? Sam Hopkins: No. Never. I don't touch it. I'm on call 24/7. Myles can pick up the phone, have me do anything, anytime. Fly to L.A., pick someone up at the airport. Warrick: So, you'd do just about anything for him then? Sam Hopkins: When it comes to Myles, yeah. What's this all about? Sara: Mr. Hopkins, Amelia didn't drown. She was poisoned. Sam Hopkins: Poisoned? By who? Warrick: That's what we're trying to find out. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CAR RENTAL -- DAY] (BRASS interview's the MANAGER.) Brass: According to the DMV, the Camaro was one of yours, is that right? Manager: Yeah, it was rented to an Adam Watson. Waived insurance. Government discount. Brass: Well, we have reason to believe Mr. Watson was a US Air Marshal. Manager: Right. How could I forget him? He threw it in my face when I told him we were out of compacts. (Quick flashback to: ADAM WATSON shows the MANAGER his badge.) Adam Watson: I'm a US Air Marshal, okay? I travel for a living. I don't need this crap. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: But you found him a car. (Quick flashback to: The MANAGER responds.) Manager: I'll put you in a full-size and won't charge you for the difference. Adam Watson: (shakes his head) No, forget it. (He turns, looks around and sees the Camaro parked just outside the windows.) Adam Watson: I'll take the Camaro. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: What time was that? Manager: Vehicle entered the lot at 9:31 P.M. Mr. Watson drove out nine minutes later. Brass: Thanks a lot. (BRASS turns to head back toward GRISSOM. The MANAGER follows him.) Manager: The Guy worked for Homeland Security. You think maybe some terrorist blew him up? Brass: (non-committally) You'll be the first to know. (BRASS reaches GRISSOM.) Brass: Well, it's been confirmed. The driver, Adam Watson, was a Federal Air Marshal. Grissom: So, one of us needs to call the Sheriff. Brass: I'll flip you for it. Grissom: Well, before we make that call, what time did the Air Marshal drive off the lot? Brass: Nine-forty. Why? Grissom: Well, the bomb went off thirty minutes later. It takes that long to get from here to the Orpheus. Brass: So you're saying the bomb was already in the car when he drove out? Well, that can't be. According to the manager, the Camaro was only in the lot for, uh, nine minutes. Grissom: Well, it takes longer than that to hard-wire a bomb. Which can only mean that the bomb was already in the car when it was returned. Brass: So, who rented the car before him? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] Brass: (V.O.) Roger Dunbar! Open up! Las Vegas police! [INT. ROGER DUNBAR'S RESIDENCE -- DAY] (BRASS kicks the door open and enters the residence with his gun drawn. OFFICERS follow him inside. Together the search the residence.) (GRISSOM approaches the door standing just outside.) (The OFFICERS walk out of the rooms and reholster their guns. Officer: Clear. Brass: Stand down. (The OFFICERS leave the apartment.) Brass: Good job, guys. (GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk into the apartment.) Brass: Okay, well. This guy was obviously on a week-to-week lease. (The residence is sparse at best. There's a mattress on the floor in the corner of the room. GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk into the bedroom.) (CATHERINE looks a the closet.) Catherine: Left some clothes behind ... and a paper shredder. I'll bag it.) (GRISSOM checks the bathroom out.) (BRASS looks at CATHERINE.) Brass: No sign of any bomb-making material. I'll go check the garage. (BRASS walks out.) (GRISSOM bags the toothbrush. CATHERINE looks at the contents on the table: a book and some magazines. On the cover of the magazine, she finds some written impressions. She opens her kit.) (In the bathroom, GRISSOM looks through the trash. He finds a discarded band-aid.) (In the next room, CATHERINE dusts the magazine cover. GRISSOM steps out of the bathroom as she reads the writing.) Catherine: "Dr. Amerian, 4:00 P.M." Oh, today. (CATHERINE turns to look at GRISSOM.) Catherine: I'll make an appointment. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (BRASS and CATHERINE interview ROGER DUNBAR.) Roger Dunbar: You drag me out of my dentist's office. You throw me in a squad car. Now you're accusing me of planting a car bomb? Brass: Mr. Dunbar, you rented a Camaro from thrift rite rental. Returned it last night, 9:30 P.M. It blew up a half an hour later in front of the Orpheus. Roger Dunbar: (shocked) It's all over the news. That was my Camaro? Brass: Yeah. Roger Dunbar: But this is crazy. Brass: So, what happened? You have a beef with the rental car company? Roger Dunbar: No. I-I get double miles. I'm a premier card member. Brass: Oh, I'm sure you are. Roger Dunbar: You know what, I'm not saying another word without an attorney. Catherine: That's your right, Mr. Dunbar. (CATHERINE pushes the piece of paper across the table toward ROGER DUNBAR. He looks down at it.) Catherine: Warrant for your clothes. (She hands him some clothing and a bag.) Catherine: Strip. Everything in the bag. (He starts to unbutton his shirt.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (NICK works on the parts. He takes a liquid sample from the parts, dries it out into a powder, places some of the powder in a test tube and tests it. The liquid turns blue and crystallizes.) (GRISSOM walks into the lab.) Nick: ID'd the explosive. Grissom: Ammonium perchlorate. Nick: Yeah, rocket fuel. GCMS picked up the other half of the equation-- gasoline. Grissom: Combination of the two creates an unstable mass. Both shock-and friction-sensitive. Nick: Ammonium perchlorate's available at any chemical supply store. You can gas up on every corner. Anyone could've made this bomb. (We hear footsteps of someone approaching the lab. NICK'S gaze shifts and he nods to GRISSOM that there's someone there to see him. GRISSOM turns around to find SHERIFF RORY ATWATER standing in the doorway, his arms crossed.) Grissom: Sheriff? What can we do for you? Sheriff Rory Atwater: Need a little clarification. I know Captain Brass has a suspect in custody. Where it get a little hazy for me, is I'm not getting his connection to the Air Marshal. Grissom: Well, it's entirely possible that Mr. Watson was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sheriff Rory Water: Another thing, you said that the switch was a digital clock. The bomb had been set to go off at a designated time, right? How do we get a wrong time? (NICK nods.) Nick: I can answer that, too. (He turns to indicate the scope set up on the next table.) Nick: Take a look. (GRISSOM looks through the scope.) [SCOPE VIEW] of the frayed wire. Grissom: Short in the wire. Nick: Compromised the timing device. Made the bomb unpredictable. Grissom: We may never know when that bomb was supposed to explode. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY] (GREG is examining the wine glass as WARRICK walks up to the lab.) Warrick: I got your page. You'd be a good maitre d'. Checking glassware for spots? Greg: You know, a hot tub is just like a dishwasher. Washes away all of the impurities. Warrick: Including hydrofluoric acid, huh? (GREG puts the wine glass down and picks up the glass container with the wine sample inside.) Greg: '93 pinot. (French accent) Either it was a bad year for wine or a bad year for Amelia. (normal) I found trace amounts of hydrofluoric acid in the vino. Warrick: So, somebody did spike the wine. Greg: Oui. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL KITCHEN -- DAY] (WARRICK and SARA interview the WAITER.) Warrick: We just want to know what happened the other night. Did you open the bottle for her? Room Service Waiter: Hey, Amelia requested me. I was up there every night. I hooked her up. And she wasn't drinking no Italian Rotgut either. She was ordering '93 pinot from Russian River Valley. That's three-fifty a bottle, twenty percent delivery charge. You do the math. Sara: Was anyone there with her? Room Service Waiter: No. Sara: What about Sam Hopkins? Room Service Waiter: No, that mutt wasn't there. Warrick: "Mutt"? Room Service Waiter: Yeah, that manager scumbag. You bring a bottle of wine when he's there, forget about it. He signs for the bill and stiff city. Now, when the Prince of Soul is there, that's a different story. He'd give you $500 just to get lost. Sara: But you didn't see Myles the other night? Room Service Waiter: Yeah, I saw him for a sec. He came in between shows. He showed me the door. (Quick flashback to: [HOTEL SUITE] The ROOM SERVICE WAITER is opening the bottle of wine for AMELIA when MYLES RUBEN walks into the suite. He sees them.) Myles Ruben: Whoa, whoa, whoa. My man. (The ROOM SERVICE WAITER turns around to see MYLES already reaching for his wallet.) Myles Ruben: There's only one man who practices chivalry around here, and it ain't you, Ducky. (He hands the ROOM SERVICE WAITER a lot of bills, then leans over to kiss his wife on the cheek.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Room Service Waiter: Hey, I could tell they were in love, you know? But he was never around. I mean, I felt bad for Amelia. She'd have four times a night. "You forgot the fork. Can you bring some salt? How about some ice?" If you ask me, I'd say she was lonely. Warrick: Did you ever see them fight? Room Service Waiter: No, but I heard 'em. And I'm sure 2202 and 2206 heard 'em, too. Hey, but I don't bite the hand that feeds me. (WARRICK looks at SARA and nods. He looks at the ROOM SERVICE WAITER.) Warrick: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (CATHERINE stands at the printer as she waits for the results. She looks at the test results. It reads: Searched: : C:\Database\Wiley27 : ROGER DUNBAR CLOTHING AMMONIUM PERCHLORATE (She takes the results and walks out of the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (CATHERINE is back in the interview room questioning ROGER DUNBAR while his lawyer RANDY PAINTER is present.) Catherine: There was rocket fuel in the bomb and rocket fuel on your t-shirt. Randy Painter: (to ROGER) That you need to explain. Roger Dunbar: Well, I'm not really sure, but my son, he's got this science project due. You're right, I'm not supposed to help, but, really, all the parents do. We made a volcano. Spilled some of the chemicals. (Quick flashback to: ROGER DUNBAR adds the chemicals to the volcano. It bubbles, sizzles, and gurgles as liquid pours out from the top. Then it spurts - all over his shirt.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: We've been to your apartment. What volcano? What kid? Roger Dunbar: Timmy. Third grade. Mesquite Elementary. Brass: You're divorced? Roger Dunbar: No. No, well, look, here's the situation is the family, they live in Mesquite, and I'm there on the weekends. Brass: And during the week? Roger Dunbar: I-I'm in sales, so I travel all over the country. Randy Painter: Which is why he rents a car when he's in town. It's cheaper than leasing. Brass: Cheaper. All right, but it still doesn't explain the empty apartment. Roger Dunbar: Look, I... like being married. I ... love my wife, my kid, but ... I need my space. I-I-I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I just tell them that I'm out of town even when I'm not. Brass: We're going to need your home address. Roger Dunbar: No, look ... I'm begging you. Please don't blow things for me with the wife. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DUNBAR RESIDENCE (MESQUITE) -- DAY] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE stand on the porch as BETH DUNBAR looks at the search warrant.) Timmy Dunbar: Mom, what's going on? Beth Dunbar: I don't understand. Catherine: Mrs. Dunbar, could you and your son wait outside, please? Officer: Ma'am, come with me. I'll fill you in. (BETH DUNBAR follows the OFFICER as CATHERINE and GRISSOM step into the house.) [INT. LIVING ROOM] (CATHERINE puts her kit down and picks up a framed family photograph from the coffee table. GRISSOM looks around. He finds the volcano with gold stars on the table. He puts his kit down.) Grissom: Catherine, there is a volcano on the table. (CATHERINE walks over to the kitchen table. GRISSOM picks up the containers of ingredients and reads the labels.) Grissom: Aluminum powder. Polyvinylbutadiene. Ammonium perchlorate. Catherine: (nods) The three ingredients to make lava flow. (CATHERINE takes a moment a reminisces.) Catherine: In fifth grade, I built one of these as my science fair project. It was awesome. First place should've been mine. But they ended up giving it to this kid with some lame red ant colony. (GRISSOM smirks at the thought as if he's remembering something, too. CATHERINE glances at GRISSOM, barely catches a glimpse of the smirk and does a double take.) Catherine: (accusing) That was you. Grissom: Yeah, only my ants were Black Argentinians. Catherine: Uh-huh. Grissom: I learned at a very early age that the bugs always win. Catherine: Right. (GRISSOM shrugs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DUNBAR RESIDENCE (MESQUITE) -- DAY] (CATHERINE interviews BETH DUNBAR.) Beth Dunbar: Trust me, Roger didn't build a bomb. I love my husband, but he's inept. Just last week, the hose bib cracked. Front yard was a river. Roger was helpless till I got home. Catherine: Well, what about that volcano? Your husband said that he helped your son build it. Beth Dunbar: He watched. I'm a teacher. Timmy knows which parent to go to for help. Catherine: Mrs. Dunbar, your husband told us that he was in sales. Beth Dunbar: He's with the State Department. You know, all that sensitive government stuff. Keeps him on the road. He doesn't say much about it. Catherine: As far as you know, has he talked about his job with anyone else? Any other family members? Friends? Beth Dunbar: His parents are dead. Roger's an only child. He doesn't have time for friends. There was this one night, years ago. We were both a little drunk and ... (sighs) Roger confessed he was CIA. (CATHERINE nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (NICK walks into the lab where GRISSOM is working on the volcano from the DUNBAR-MESQUITE residence.) Nick: Hey, I made one of those in third grade. Science fair. Should have won, too. Grissom: Got to let it go Nick. Nick: Bomb end-cap with tool marks. Given the orientation and spread of the marks, consistent with pliers, vise-grips. Grissom: There were no vise-grips in the Dunbars' toolbox. Nick: Hmm. Grissom: But given that the bomb and the volcano were similarly constructed ... Nick: We can compare the tool marks on both end-caps. Doesn't matter what you make; it's what you make it with. (NICK removes the bomb end cap from the container. GRISSOM pulls the pipe out from the volcano. They compare vice grips markings. They don't match.) Grissom: Not even close. Nick: Mm-mm. So, whatever tool made the volcano did not make the bomb. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - QUESTIONED DOCUMENTS] (RONNIE LITRE goes over his findings with CATHERINE.) Ronnie Litre: Okay, I reconstructed the contents of the paper shredder. Five bills. All in Roger Dunbar's name. Addressed to 2175 La Pressa. (A close up of the document reads: ACCOUNT NUMBER: 421327921 BILLING ADDRESS: Roger A. Dunbar 2175 La Pressa Las Vegas, NV 89101 PAYMENT DUE DATE: 11/20/03 Catherine: Mm-hmm. His apartment. Ronnie Litre: Okay, top two are credit card bills. Both VISA. Separate accounts. (A close up of the document reads: ROGER A. DUNBAR 2175 LA PRESSA LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 (A close up of a second document reads: ROGER B. DUNBAR 2175 LA PRESSA LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 Catherine: Roger A. Dunbar. Roger B. Dunbar. That's an easy way to separate out expenses. Ronnie Litre: Check out the gas bills. Three different meters. Catherine: (reading) 2175 La Pressa. (The next document reads: METER ADDRESS: 822 DEVON ST. MESQUITE, NV 89282 BILLING CYCLE: 09/26/03 DAYS OF SERVICE: 34 BILL TYPE: DUE BILL Catherine: (reading) 822 Devon, Mesquite. (The next document reads: METER ADDRESS: 1845 GALEWOOD AVE HENDERSON, NV 890... BILLING CYCLE: 09/26/03 DAYS OF SERVICE: 34 BILL TYPE: DUE BILL Catherine: (reading) 1845 Galewood, Henderson. (GREG walks into the lab.) Greg: Hey, got the DNA results back from that bloody band-aid that Grissom found at Dunbar's apartment. Compared it to his DNA. Not a match. But I did find seven alleles in common. Catherine: His son. Greg: No. It's female. Mother, sister, daughter. Catherine: Well, according to his wife, his mother's deceased. He's an only child. So, that leaves a daughter. Well, there's no way there was a kid at that apartment. Ronnie Litre: Well, maybe she was living in Henderson. Catherine: Forget "secret agent." Roger Dunbar was living a secret life. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DUNBAR RESIDENCE (HENDERSON) -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE head up the front walk toward the front door. The woman of the house puts out the trash and sees them.) Debbie Dunbar: Can I help you? (They turn and see her.) Catherine: Good evening. We're with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Debbie Dunbar: Oh, god. Did something happen to my husband? He was supposed to be home on Monday night. I've been calling his cell. He's not at work. Catherine: Is this your husband? (CATHERINE holds out a copy of ROGER DUNBAR'S Nevada Driver's License. She takes it from her.) Debbie Dunbar: Yes. Catherine: You're currently married to him? Debbie Dunbar: Yes. What is going on? (GRISSOM looks over at the trash bin.) Catherine: Well, your husband is a suspect in a criminal investigation. Currently, he's in police custody. (He heads to the trash and opens it to find bottles of chemicals.) Grissom: Mrs. Dunbar? Do you have a daughter? Debbie Dunbar: Amy. Grissom: Is she entered in the science fair? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DUNBAR HOUSE (HENDERSON) - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (AMY'S emphatic.) Amy Dunbar: You can't take it. (GRISSOM holds out the vice grips.) Grissom: Amy, did you use this the tool to work on the inside of your volcano? Amy Dunbar: Yeah, my dad did. Catherine: He helped you build it? Amy Dunbar: Yeah. Debbie Dunbar: I teach yoga. I have no idea how this works. It was all Roger. Grissom: When's your science fair? Amy Dunbar: Friday. Grissom: Well, we'll do our best to get this back to you by Friday, okay? Amy Dunbar: (nods) Okay. (GRISSOM nods and winks at AMY.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MYLES RUBEN'S RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (SARA and WARRICK walk into the opulent living room.) Warrick: Which side do you want? Sara: I'll take the west wing. Warrick: It's a nice place. Sara: Uh-huh. (SARA walks toward the bar area and opens the cabinet. She looks inside, then closes the cabinet.) (WARRICK looks around the living room.) Warrick: You could record a whole album in this studio. (SARA opens the cabinet under the sink.) Warrick: This guy's got it made. (She looks at the tray of sponges, picks up a sponge and smells it.) Sara: The life of a celebrity. (WARRICK walks over to the piano. He sits down and can't help but play a little informal something.) (SARA looks up and heads back to the living room. WARRICK shakes his head, then looks around again.) Sara: I don't know, I think it sounds kind of isolating, living in a fishbowl. Warrick: Wouldn't be isolated. You'd have a butler, a maid service, laundry service. (He picks up some staff paper.) Warrick: Sheet music. Guy writes his own stuff. (Under it, he finds a pair of yellow rubber gloves.) Warrick: Dishwashing gloves. Dry erase markers. (He picks up the spray bottle.) Warrick: Slate Industrial Glass Cleaner. (reading) The ingredients -- distilled water and hydrofluoric acid. Fatal if swallowed. (WARRICK and SARA look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (DETECTIVE VARTAN, WARRICK and SARA interview MYLES RUBEN.) Detective: You're sure you want to waive your right to an attorney? Myles Ruben: (shrugs) I got nothin' to hide. Warrick: Do you recognize this product? Myles Ruben: Yeah. I use it to clean my windows. Warrick: Don't you have a maid or someone to do that for you? Myles Ruben: I write songs late at night. Windows are my chalkboard. (Quick flashback to: [LIVING ROOM] AMELIA sits on the bar counter leafing through a magazine as MYLES writes.) Myles Ruben: (singing) Only what you feel / now I can ... (He pauses and writes on the glass windows with the dry erase markers. He stops, swipes at the words with a cloth, erasing them.) Myles Ruben: (singing) ...clearly see... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Mr. Rueben ... your wife was poisoned. We suspect window cleaner was slipped into her wine. Myles Ruben: It can't be. I was there. I opened that wine. Sara: Did you have a fight? Myles Ruben: Not lately. Warrick: But you have had fights in the past. Myles Ruben: Who doesn't? I mean, fighting, loving, laughing ... it all comes from the same place, man. It's passion. And we loved each other passionately. (He shakes his head as he remembers.) Myles Ruben: When we met, it was Fate. (Quick flashback to: MYLES RUBEN is on stage. He speaks out to the audience.) Myles Ruben: But you know what I need right now? I need a woman. I need a woman to come up here and be my inspiration. (He points into the audience at AMELIA.) Myles Ruben: You, baby. Second row. Come on up here. (She smiles, stands and heads for the stage.) (Cut to: On stage, he puts his hat on her and sings to her.) Myles Ruben: (lyrics) I can see by the love in your eyes / you've been hurt by love / so it's hard for you to trust a guy ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Myles Ruben: I was looking for love. She was looking for the same thing. She loved my music. I loved her smile. (SARA turns and looks at WARRICK.) Myles Ruben: It's hard being on top, you know? I mean, everybody loves you. Wants their piece. That's why we fought. I mean, all the time. Every night. She knew she could never have me to herself. (He starts to loose it, but composes himself.) Look, I got sound check for the late show in an hour. Can I go? Warrick: Sure. Detective Vartann: We might want to talk to you later. (MYLES walks out of the room.) Sara: Wife's been dead less than 48 hours. Warrick: Well, there's a man who definitely has his priorities straight. Sara: Okay, three people have admitted to being with Amelia the night that she died. The room service waiter, Myles, and Myles's manager. Detective Vartann: Room service guy's out. He left before the cork was popped. Sara: So, did Myles kill Amelia and the manager's covering for him or did the manager kill Amelia and Myles doesn't have a clue? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (BRASS shows copies of both marriage to ROGER DUNBAR.) Brass: Bigamy is a Class D Felony. If convicted, you could be sentenced from one to four years in prison, do you know that? Roger Dunbar: I'd just married Beth, when I met Debbie. She was a student. UNLV. She got pregnant. I did the right thing. Ever since, it's been Monday through Friday with Debbie and weekends with Beth. They both think I travel for a living. Brass: I know I keep coming back to this, but, uh ... I mean, I got to ask you. What's with the empty apartment? Do you have a girlfriend on the side as well? Roger Dunbar: No. (ROGER turns to his lawyer, RANDY PAINTER, and they confer.) Randy Painter: Just tell them the truth. (ROGER turns back to BRASS and CATHERINE.) Roger Dunbar: My life is really a balancing act. Early on, I took Debbie to dinner and Beth saw it on a credit card statement. So instead of a P.O. Box, I figured why not rent a cheap apartment, you know? Have a night to myself once in a while. Catherine: We found a band-aid with your daughter Amy's blood at your apartment. So, you bring your daughter there, but not your wives? Roger Dunbar: Oh, no. It's not like that. You know how kids are. (Quick flashback to: AMY DUNBAR is wearing a helmet. She runs up the sidewalk toward her dad as she holds out the band-aid in her hand.) Amy Dunbar: Dad, take this. It keeps falling off. (He tucks the band-aid in his pocket.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Roger Dunbar: I emptied my pockets at the apartment. Catherine: Mr. Dunbar, we collected both of your children's volcanoes and supplies. And we found a pair of pliers at your home in Henderson. Those pliers were used to make both of the volcanoes. Roger Dunbar: That's right. I needed pliers in Henderson, so I borrowed Beth's pliers from Mesquite. Randy Painter: There's no crime in that. Catherine: I'm just really confused. Um ... your wife, Beth, told us that you couldn't build a volcano to save your soul. Yet your wife, Debbie, claims that it was all you that made your daughter's volcano. So, what is it? Roger Dunbar: Well, I watched Beth when she made Timmy's volcano. So, then when Amy had a science project, I knew the drill. Now, granted, it wasn't as symmetrical as Beth's and the lava flow was a little anemic, but ... Amy liked it. Catherine: When did you borrow those pliers? Roger Dunbar: I don't know. Couple weeks ago. Why? Catherine: You never returned them to your wife, Beth? (He puts a hand to his mouth as he realizes his mistake.) Roger Dunbar: I've been meaning to do that. (CATHERINE closes her eyes as she, too, realizes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DUNBAR RESIDENCE (MESQUITE) -- DAY] (CATHERINE compares the plastic with the vice grip markings to the vice grip markings on the garden hose pipe.) Catherine: Same characteristics. We got a match. (CATHERINE glances at BETH DUNBAR standing on the porch watching. She then turns to look at the OFFICER.) Catherine: Take her in. Officer: Come with me, Mrs. Dunbar. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (WARRICK is working in the lab. He picks up the photo of the spray bottle. He picks up the bag with the yellow rubber gloves in it. He looks at the gloves and finds two holes in it.) (SARA walks into the lab.) Sara: Hey. I dusted the bottle. I got prints. Warrick: I've got burns. You first. Sam or Myles? Sara: Amelia's. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - MORGUE] (The table with AMELIA on it is pulled out. WARRICK and SARA walk into the room. WARRICK puts on a pair of gloves.) Robbins: Well, you're just in time. She gets shipped in an hour. Warrick: This should just take a second. Could you give me her right hand, please? (ROBBINS shows the back of AMELIA'S hand. WARRICK holds out the glove. They find correlating burns to match the holes in the glove.) Sara: Three acid burns. Warrick: This is not a murder. It's a suicide. (Quick flashback to: AMELIA opens the spray bottle and pours some of the industrial liquid into the wine bottle. She sets the spray bottle side. She walks the wine bottle to the next room and pours herself a glass of wine.) (She holds MYLES' hat to her nose and inhales.) (Cut to: [HOT TUB] AMELIA reaches for the wine glass. Crying, she drinks it all down. She falls backward in pain, then slips down into the water, the empty wine glass falling from her fingers. She clutches the side of the hot tub as the poison takes effect.) (End of flashback. Cut to: [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT] (The camera holds on the billboard of MYLES RUEBEN, "Prince of Soul".) [INT. MEDITERRANEAN - BACK STAGE - NIGHT] (WARRICK and SAM HOPKINS stand in front of MYLES RUEBEN. They're all backstage.) Myles Rueben: I knew she wasn't happy. I guess I just didn't pay attention. Warrick: You shouldn't blame yourself for this. Myles Rueben: Shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I? I spend most of my time making them happy. I never ... I never took the time to make her happy. (Out in the show room, the audience chants for MYLES.) Audience: (chanting) Amelia, Amelia! (MYLES looks at them.) Sam Hopkins: What do you want to do, kid? (MYLES looks at WARRICK.) Myles Rueben: The show must go on, right? Warrick: It's your call. (MYLES turns and heads back on stage. The audience cheers. WARRICK turns and leaves.) (MYLES starts to sing.) Myles Ruben: (lyrics) Amelia / ooh, Amelia / ooh, Amelia / I see the love in your eyes you've been hurt by ... [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE puts the bagged vice grips on the table.) Catherine: We found these pliers in your car's glove box. You used them to fix the hose bib. And to ... make a bomb. Grissom: Mrs. Dunbar ... how long have you known about Roger's double life? Beth Dunbar: His other wife's name is Debbie. Once or twice a year he'd call me by that name. I ignored it. Grissom: It's very difficult for two people to live a lie, let alone three. Beth Dunbar: Look, when Roger and I were together, he was a good husband. Terrific father. It was almost like being in a state of suspended honeymoon. Grissom: Really? So what changed? Beth Dunbar: He asked me to get his dirty laundry out of the trunk of his car. (Quick flashback to: BETH opens the car trunk and reaches in to get the laundry. She also sees the bag next to it.) Beth Dunbar: (V.O.) There was a plastic bag with all the makings of a volcano. Including the stars I had hand-cut for my son. (She reaches into the bag and picks up the gold stars.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Beth Dunbar: I'd always suspected there was another woman, but never ... another family. So. Two weeks ago Sunday, I followed him. He, uh, dropped off his rental car and walked to some apartment building. Then he changed his clothes, and got into a nicer car, and drove out to Henderson. Catherine: Why didn't you just leave him? Turn him in? Beth Dunbar: He made a fool out of me. A mockery of our life. Catherine: Mrs. Dunbar, you killed three innocent people. Beth Dunbar: (shakes) That was never my intention. That bomb was supposed to go off at 8:30 on his way to the airport. Grissom: Why a bomb? Beth Dunbar: It, it's not much harder to make a bomb than a volcano. FADE TO BLACK
Plan: A: the new sheriff; Q: Who witnesses a car bombing that kills an air marshal? A: a car bombing; Q: What event does the new sheriff witness? A: Grissom; Q: Who is under pressure to find the murderer? A: Remains; Q: What part of the bomb leads Grissom, Catherine and Nick to a high school science fair? A: Warrick; Q: Who is Sara's partner in the investigation of the death of a popular singer? A: a popular singer; Q: What is the wife of the air marshal's murderer? Summary: When the new sheriff is witness to a car bombing that kills an air marshal , he puts pressure on Grissom to find the murderer. Remains of the bomb lead Grissom, Catherine and Nick to a high school science fair . Meanwhile, Warrick and Sara look into the death of the wife of a popular singer.
(Meredith is standing in the hallway looking out the window at a beautiful sunrise) Richard Voice Over (RVO): Being chief is about responsibility. (Richard is sitting in his office at his desk) RVO: Every single surgical patient in the hospital is your patient whether you're the one who cut them open or not. (Richard is in the ER with Adele) Richard: Come on, she's lost a lot of blood. RVO: The scalpel stops with you. Richard: Start 2 large bore IVs and bolus 2 liters LR. RVO: You need to be able to look at a family... (Joe and Walter have entered the ER with Burke, Addison and Rina) Burke: Ready? One, two... RVO: And tell them your team did everything they could to save someone's child... Burke: Get me a stat EKG And a portable chest, Brooke. Addison: She's 34 weeks pregnant with twins. RVO: Their husband... Addison: You guys, why don't you go have a seat in the waiting room? Walter: We're not leaving her. RVO: Their wife. (Addison is walking out of the ER when she runs into Richard and Adele) Addison: What happened? Richard: I don't know. I found her unconscious. RVO: You get caught up...taking care of other people's families. Richard: She's lost blood, a...a lot of blood RVO: And the responsibility it makes you... Richard: I didn't even know she was in the hospital. What was she doing here? RVO: You take care of other people's families...and you sacrifice your own. (Seattle scenes) (Cristina's bachlorette party at Meredith's house) Cristina: I thought I was gonna hate this party game thing, but it's kinda great. Can we set her on fire after? Meredith: No, we cannot. Callie: Okay, these wedding vows are not all gonna fit on here. Cristina: Okay, then write smaller. Callie: Be still, please. "Vow" just became "cow." Izzie: You don't need vows on your hand. When you get up there, just speak from the heart. Cristina: Uh, Izzie, the heart is an organ. It pumps, it circulates blood, it gets clogged from time to time. It does not, however, speak. It doesn't have tiny little lips on it. Izzie: Well, you're all "glass totally empty." Cristina: I'm gonna like being married. It's the wedding part that's ridiculous. (Everyone's pagers go off except Cristina's) Izzie: Oh! Party's over. Callie: Damn. Cristina: Hey, mine didn't go off. Piece of crap. Meredith: You can do this, right? Cristina: Become a piece of chattel? Sure. Looking forward to it. Meredith: I mean, no matter what, you're walking down that aisle today. I need you to go down that aisle. Cristina: Is the toilet paper cutting off your circulation? Meredith: You marrying Burke, it's a sign. It's a sign that people like you and me can do this...be healthy, be happy. You marrying burke restores my faith in me. Cristina: Oh, I get it. My wedding's about you. Meredith: Yes. Cristina: Okay. Meredith: You can do this, right? Cristina: I can do this. Meredith: Okay. (Mark and Derek enter the hospital and run into Bailey at a nurse's station) Bailey: Hey. They found the fourth climber. Vitals are stabilizing after fluids, but... Mark: I thought he was dead. Derek: He was according to his friends. Did the CT Show a bleed? Bailey: Uh, we haven't done a CT yet Derek: I don't understand. You said there's a head trauma. Bailey: Yeah, there's been a little head trauma. Ice ax to the head. Mark: What the hell happened up on that mountain? Derek: That's a good question. (Richard and Addison are in Adele's room) Richard: You don't think it could be uterine cancer, do you? It runs in the family. Addison: No, it's not...she was in earlier. She was in a fender bender. Richard: My wife came into my hospital, and you neglected to tell me? Addison: Doctor-patient confidentiality. Richard: We're still married. She's unconscious. There are medical decisions to be made. Legally I have a right to know. I have a right... Addison: She might...be having a miscarriage. She's pregnant. (Burke is in Rina's room) Burke: I need to know what time your chest pain started. Rina: I don't know. Yesterday afternoon. Burke: What time exactly? This is important. Rina: Around 3:00. What's wrong with me? Burke: I'm gonna explain everything to you. I promise. But right now we need to get you up to the surgical floor. Rina: Surgery? But...what about my babies? Burke: I think those babies are coming out today. But I...I haven't decided I...I haven't chosen the parents. I need time to decide. Joe: You don't need to decide anything right now. Right now the most important thing is making sure that you are okay. All right? (The interns enter the ER) Cristina: Burke. Burke: Ah, I've got a surgery, but it shouldn't be more than four hours, five tops. Cristina: I can scrub in. (Addison walks up) Addison: How's Rina? Burke: I need to get a CT Angio, but I'm pretty sure it's a tear in her aorta. Her heart is about to blow. Addison: Most dissecting aortas burst within 48 hours. Burke: Which means we have less than 12 hours to fix it before she's dead. Addison: So you need me to get the babies out. Burke: So I can save her life. Cristina: You have an aortic dissection? Burke: Hey, I promise I will make it to the chapel in time. Cristina: I... (Bailey walks up) Bailey: Okay. Listen up. Uh, O'Malley, you're with Shepherd and Sloan. Stevens, you're with Burke. Karev, Addison. Go. Grey...you are with the chief's wife. Meredith: The chief's wife? Bailey: Is pregnant. Yes, I did say pregnant. I recommend that you lose the shocked look and try for something a little more dignified. Go. Cristina: Who am I on? Bailey: Uh, I didn't page you. Go home. Get some sleep. Cristina: Yeah, but I'm here already, so... Bailey: You're getting married in less than 12 hours. (Burke and Izzie are headed to the OR with Rina) Burke: Give us room. Cristina: Well, uh, Burke's getting married, too, and he gets to operate. Bailey: There's only one Preston Burke. Cristina: There's only one Cristina Yang. Bailey: I've given you the day off, the whole day. It's a kindness. Take it. It's your wedding day. There'll always be more surgeries. Cristina: But-- Bailey: Really, what would you rather be doing, prepping a patient or prepping for your wedding? Go home. (Richard is in his office talking with Mark) Richard: I never got the sense you really wanted the job. Seems to me you got in the race to play out some kind of unfinished business you had with Derek. Mark: I was in this to win, sir. I don't know if he's your new chief, but if he is, he got there because I made him fight for it. Richard: You made them all fight for it. Mark: So I'm not gonna be chief. Richard: No you're not. (Derek is in the room with Andy, Jack and Dale) Dale: They recovered Lonnie's body? Derek: Not his body. He's alive. So why don't you tell me what really happened up there on the mountain? Jack: We're half way up this ice wall. There's a...there's a ledge a couple of hundred feet above us. We figured we'd set up the tents, wait out the storm. Only Lonnie's insisting we go down the mountain. Dale: I told him, we gotta dig in, sit tight. He started freaking out, keeps saying down's the way to go. And then he starts climbing down. We were tied together. Andy: And just like that...we're falling. I swing out with my ice ax, just trying to catch a rock. And I clip Lonnie in the back of the head. Ax just...snags. We thought he was dead. Jack: It was an accident. (Adele, Richard and Addison are in her room) Adele: What happened? Addison: You've been unconscious for a while. Adele: what about... Addison: He knows. Adele, you lost a lot of blood. I'm gonna try to find a heartbeat. You should prepare yourself. Heartbeat. It's a little slower, than I'd like, but once we tank you with liquids and a transfusion, it might get stronger. Um, I've gotta rush off to surgery, but I will back with you the minute I'm done. Okay? Adele: Thank you. Addison: Okay. (Addison leaves) Richard: Adele, why didn't you tell me? Adele: Come on, Richard. What do you think you would've done, congratulate me? I'm sure you have work to do. Richard: I'm good right here. (Alex and Addison walk up to a nurse's station) Alex: The Peds resident's on call. He'll be in the OR For Rina's delivery. Addison: Great. Just make sure they notified the NICU. (Jeff Pope walks up) Jeff: Hi. Sorry for interrupting. The nurse said that you're Dr. Montgomery. Addison: Yes. Can I help you with something? Jeff: I'm Jeff Pope Rebecca's husband? (Cristina is at her apartment trying to sleep. She lays in bed staring at her wedding dress) (Jeff enters Rebecca's room) Jeff: Rebecca? Rebecca? Rebecca: Hi, Jeff. Jeff: You, uh...your face...but it's you. I'm so sorry, baby. I should've never let you go. I'll never let you go again. (Alex walks up and sees them hugging) (Derek walks past Meredith in the hall) Meredith: Hey. Derek: I have a surgery. Meredith: I heard you're the best man. Derek: Yeah. Meredith: Well, maid of honor, best man, kinda perfect. Derek: Yeah. Meredith: I know I haven't been myself lately, but I'm me again, so I was thinking maybe you should sleep over, because the me that I am is horny for the you that you are. Derek: I met a woman last night. Meredith: You met a woman last night? Derek: At Joe's. Nothing happened. She was pretty, I noticed, and we talked. Meredith: You met a woman last night? Derek: Yeah. Meredith: So should I be worried or something? Derek: Should you be worried that I met a woman? No. Should you be worried that, for me, flirting with that woman was the highlight of my week? Yeah, you should be worried or something. (Derek walks away) (Richard is in his office talking with Addison) Addison: I don't understand. Richard: It's not you. Addison: No, I understand that part. What I don't understand is why. I need this job, Richard. I need it more than the others. Richard: Addison-- Addison: No, I need a reason to stay here. I need a reason to get up in the morning. I need to wake up and not care that it's raining or that I'm 39 and alone. I need the job, Richard. Richard: That's why. If you need a job to give you a life, you either need a new job or a new life. (Burke and Derek are in the scrub room) Burke: I'm thinking four hours tops to repair this heart, if all goes well. Derek: You're a lucky man, Burke. Cristina's great. She's there, she's sure. She's willing to commit. You're a lucky man. Burke: And you're not? (Mark enters) Mark: There he is. T-minus five hours. And how's the best man? Up to the challenge? I was an excellent best man. Derek: You know, the worst case scenario is I sleep with your wife in ten years. Burke: Okay. (Bailey is checking the bulletin board near the nurse's station) Callie: I just checked. Chief resident hasn't been posted yet Bailey: Um, no, no. I wasn't looking for chief resident. Callie: Yeah, you were. Bailey: Yeah. Okay, I was. (George walks by and enters an office, Callie follows him) Callie: George... George: Hey. Callie: What I'm about to say is, uh, is crazy, and, uh, I...I...I am not responsible. I...I am saying this against my will. Because I am a surgeon, okay? I...I...I love my job. I love my life exactly as it is. Okay? Exactly as it is. Do you understand what I'm saying? George: Not really Callie: I...I have no desire to house a human being in my body for nine lo months and then...and then...and then push it out and raise it. Okay? None. Zero. George: Okay. Callie: Except housing a human for nine long months is all that I can think about. It...it...the thoughts are invading the surgeries that I love, and it's...it's...it's...it's hormonal. It's...and horrible. But it is happening...to me. George: You want to have a baby? Callie: Apparently. George: There's a guy with an ax in his head. Callie: Right. So go. I'm a freak. Just go. Just run. Just... George: Thank you. Callie: Please. (Richard is sitting at Adele's bedside) Adele: Go. I'm fine. Richard: Take your pill...and drink your water. Adele: Richard, you know you wanna go out that door and start bossing some people around. Richard: Take your pill, Adele. See? I can do my bossing right from this chair. Adele: Go ahead, Richard, ask. I know you are dying to know whose baby... Richard: Not really my place. (Meredith enters) Meredith: Mrs. Webber...your room is ready. (Patricia enters) Patricia: Excuse me, but what do you want to do about the announcement for chief of surgery? Richard: Look, I will be right back. I promise. Adele: We've met before. You probably don't remember. You were little. Meredith: Oh. Adele: My husband always flirted with your mother. I didn't want to see that, so...I watched you a lot, watched you grow up. You turned out well. I'm sorry about your mother. Meredith: I'M...sorry about my mother, too. Adele: It wasn't your fault. Maybe it wasn't anyone's fault. You get married at 25 thinking, this is it, happily ever after. Maybe there is no happily ever after. (Cristina and Jane are at Cristina's getting ready for the wedding) Jane: It's stunning. Cristina: It's a little...um, is it supposed to be so tight? Jane: Well, it's a choker. Cristina: It's beautiful. It's really, really beautiful. I just don't know if it's me. Jane: Five generations of Burke women have worn this on their wedding day. It's a way of...joining our family, becoming a Burke. Cristina: A Burke. Jane: I'm afraid I misjudged you early on. I thought you were selfish. But you've given way to Preston's ideas about the wedding, and you've been flexible about the things that are...most important to him. And that is wonderful. Oh! It's just...what were you planning to do about your eyebrows? Cristina: Nothing. (Rina's OR) Addison: How's she doing? Burke: BP'S 92 over 56. Addison: How'd the reunion go with Jane Doe's husband? Alex: Whatever. He cried like a baby. She looked bored. Addison: Don't go overboard with compassion, Karev. Alex: She's not even sure if she wants to stay with the guy. It's complicated Izzie: It's not actually...complicated. They're married. She took a vow. You don't mess with vows. Married is married. Game over. So freaking over. Just an opinion. Burke: Pressure's dropped to 60. She's bradying down. Addison, how much longer? Addison: Rupturing the membrane now. I just need two minutes to get these babies out. Burke: Make it one. She's flat lined. Stevens, start compressions. Addison: Got the first one out. Clamp. Burke: Come on come on. Addison: Second baby's out. Okay, go. Burke: Boki, 10-blade. (Lonnie's OR) George: Poor guy...he just wanted to climb a mountain, and he ends up with an axe in his head. Derek: Well he shouldn't have tried to turn back. The group is going up you go with the group. Okay, drill, please. George: He panicked. You have a right to turn back if you're scared. Derek: No, you don't. You chose to climb a mountain. You can't change your mind in the middle of the climb. Derek: Okay. George: Now we pull it out? Derek: Ah, yeah, but the axe went in as they fell, so there will be some tearing, it should be a shallow wound, and it should come out easily. You ready? George: Yup. Derek: All right everybody. Here we go. Ready? Okay, one, two...three. (The axe doesn't move) That's strange. One...two...Three! That's a clean cut. George: I thought you said there was gonna be tearing. Derek: I know. It doesn't make sense. George: You are a lucky guy. Derek: Yeah. Or the ax didn't go in there by accident. (Richard is talking with Burke in his office) Richard: It's probably unfair, but I hold you to a higher standard. And you let me down this year, Preston. After you got shot, the tremor...this job is about making the tough calls. Sometimes the toughest call you can make is admitting when you're in over your head. You don't do that. You know a lot, Preston. You're one of the best surgeons I know...one of the best men. But you're not perfect. You don't know everything. I want to give you the job. I want to. But I can't. Preston. Burke: I have a wedding to get to. Richard: Yeah. (Rina's OR) Addison: Thank you. Yeah, the babies are doing great. They're in the NICU. How are you doing up there, Preston? Burke: Close call, but she's stabilized. Addison: Good work, Dr. Burke. We may actually get you to the church on time. You nervous? Burke: No, not really. More, uh... excited. Addison: Hmm. Burke: Um, except about my vows. I wrote them myself, and...I don't know. They may be too...I want 'em to be right. Addison: Well, let's hear 'em. Burke: What, now? Addison: Hey, you've got a room full of women. Try it out on us. Burke: Cristina...I could promise...to hold you...and to cherish you. I could promise to be there in sickness and in health. I could say...till death do us part. But I won't. Those vows are for...optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. And I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. Addison: Okay, um... Burke: I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure. I am steady. And I know. I am a heart man. I take 'em apart. I put 'em back together. I hold them in my hands. I am a heart man. So of this I am sure...you are my partner...my lover...my very best friend. My heart, my heart...beats for you. And on this day, the day of our wedding, I promise you this...I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hands. I promise you... me. What too trite? Because I can rewrite it... Izzie: No. No. It's... Addison: I think I speak for...every woman in this room when I say dump her. Dump Yang and marry me. [SCENE_BREAK] (George enters the on-call room where Callie is sleeping) George: Hey. Hey. Callie: Hey. Oh, god. Did I miss a page? George: No, no, no, no, no. Everything's okay. Callie: What? George: Is this really what you want? Cause if it's really what you want, we could do it. Callie: Really? George: Yeah. Callie: Okay, wait. Really? George: Really. Callie: Oh, my god. oh, my god. Really? (Alex walks into the NICU where Jeff is holding his new daughter) Jeff: She looks like Rebecca. Well, at least what Rebecca used to look like. But still... around the eyes. Alex: Yeah. Jeff: I thought I'd give her some space. She seemed a little overwhelmed. Alex: The ferry crash was on the news everywhere. Your wife goes missing... how could you not look for her? Jeff: I thought she left me. We got into a fight that night. She was trying to tell me how unhappy she was and... I shut her down. Yeah, I didn't look for her when she was missing, but what's worse is...I didn't see her when she was there. I can't imagine what it must have been like for her, what her face must have looked like all broken. Alex: She was beautiful. Jeff: I... I love her. You know? (Meredith is at a nurse's station and Cristina walks up) Cristina: Meredith. Meredith: Oh. You are not gonna believe...Derek met a girl... in a bar. And he flirted with her. And he told me. You know, no big deal. Just thought I should know. Cristina: Meredith. Meredith: I'm not exaggerating. He didn't even hint. He just flat out told me. Cristina: Meredith, you know how sometimes it's about you, and sometimes it's about me? This is really, really about me. (She turns around to look at Cristina) Meredith: Whoa. Cristina: Mama took my eyebrows. She took my eyebrows, and now I am a Burke. (Derek enters the room where Andy, Dale and Jack are) Derek: Lonnie's stable...but the damage he sustained is significant. Jack: But is he gonna wake up? Derek: Do you want him to? Dale: What? Derek: The axe in his head was put there deliberately. I just wanted to give you three guys another opportunity to tell me the truth. Andy: It wasn't... Jack: Shut up, Andy. Andy: But we can't just sit here... Jack: I said shut up, Andy. Derek: Is that how you let him talk to you at 14,000 feet? I have to talk to his family. You guys can talk to the cops. (Meredith and Cristina walk up to Bailey. She is staring at the bulletin where a note announces that Callie is the new chief resident) Meredith: Dr. Bailey. Bailey: Yeah. What? Meredith: Cristina needs to cut something. I can't really explain it in a way that won't make you glare. But... they took her eyebrows and they called her a Burke. She really needs to cut somebody open. Bailey: Yang...go... do... getting married things. Get out of this hospital. Cristina: Hey! I mean... hey. I...you have to let me cut, because I am standing here eyebrowless with no dignity left. I am a surgeon, Dr. Bailey. But right now I don't feel like one. I feel... like...somebody else. Do you know what that's like, not to feel like yourself? Bailey: Yeah. (Addison enters Adele's room) Addison: What's going on? Richard: She started cramping and then she got really diaphoretic. Addison: Alert OB to a possible D&C due to an incomplete miscarriage. Adele, you could have a placental abruption due to the trauma. We've got to get you to into an OR wow. (Patricia enters Richard office) Patricia: Sir, Dr. Shepherd is here. Richard: Thank you. Derek: Richard, are you sure you want to...you don't have to do this today. Richard: Yes, I do. (Addison walks up to Richard in the waiting room) Addison: She went into early DIC I gave her blood, platelets, FFP, pregnancy at 52 is dangerous. I tried everything. I couldn't save... (Richard runs into the OR) Richard: I thought...I thought...for a second, I thought I'd lost you. Um...do you want to...call somebody? I can... Adele: No, no one. Richard: Well, the father of the baby, maybe you want to... Adele: He doesn't even know about it. I didn't tell him. I, um... I think I misjudged him. I thought he'd go running for the hills. But actually...He'll get over his initial judgments, and he'll...sit with you...and he'll make you drink your water. Richard: Adele... Adele: It was a boy. I'm sorry. (Derek enters Rina's OR where Burke is still operating) Derek: All right, Dr. Leonard, would you please close for Dr. Burke? He has a wedding to get to. (Bailey and Cristina are in the OR) Bailey: One cut, and then you're gone. One. (Rina's OR) Burke: But...but I still have to... Derek: Come on. You want your bride waiting for you at the altar? They don't like that. Let's go. (OR) Meredith: We gotta go now, Cristina. Bailey: Grey. Meredith: Put the scalpel down, Cristina. You can still do this, right? (Izzie enters the locker room where George) George: What? Izzie: Uh, hold on a minute. I just wanted to make sure no one's around so I can say this. George: I think we've said everything we need to say. Izzie: Shut up. I am an optimist. I am hopeful. I am not sure. George: Look, I can do this myself. Izzie: Let me speak. Because I'm your best friend and because I love you, if what you want is to be with Callie,. then I will do everything in my power to support you and help you make your marriage work But because I'm your best friend and because I love you...I also have to say...that I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. I can't promise the future, I can't promise perfection because we're us and I'm me and who knows what will happen. But in my heart...I am sure. I'm in love with you, George. And I hope you're in love with me, too. Izzie: Say something. (Meredith and Cristina enter) Meredith: What time is it? Alex: You got 30 minutes. Cristina: Oh, crap. I'm gonna be late for my own wedding Meredith: No, we're not. (Derek enters Andy's room) Derek: Dr. Burke asked me to check on you. Let's see. Your, um...your post-op x-rays look good. We'll discuss releasing you. Andy: Any change in Lonnie? Lawyer: Andy? Derek: Who are you? Andy: He's my lawyer. Derek: That was fast. Andy: Don't you dare judge me. You weren't there. We thought...he was almost dead. No way he was gonna make it. He was in so much pain. So I...picked it up... Lawyer: Andy, shut up. Andy: No! I'm not gonna shut up. I put him out of his misery. And if I was back there right now...I'd do the same thing. He was my friend. He is my friend. I put him out of his misery. (The interns are all getting ready for the wedding) Alex: Anyone got any deodorant? Cristina: Um, you're not putting my deodorant in your hairy armpits. Izzie: Don't move. You're gonna have a unibrow. And I have some in my locker. George: Uh, closed? Open? Meredith: Closed. Perfect. Dashing. George: Thanks. Izzie: You look great. (Patricia enters) Patricia: Moment of truth, people. Alex: Those our scores? Patricia: Grey. Karev. Yang. Cristina: Thank you. Patricia: Stevens. O'Malley. Cristina: Yes! Alex: Right here, baby. Izzie: Yes. Thank god. Cristina Did you pass? Meredith: You bet your married booty, I did. Izzie: How'd you do? Did you pass? George: Yeah. I'll talk to you at the church. Izzie: Okay. Cristina: All right. Let's go. (Derek enters as the interns are leaving) Derek: Excuse me. Cristina: Meredith. Meredith: I'll meet you at the chapel. Iz, will you take the dress? Izzie: Yes. Okay. Meredith: I'll be right there. Izzie: Okay. (Alex enters Rebecca's room) Rebecca: I like the suit. The suit is way better than the scrubs. Alex: Thanks. Hey, uh, I passed my intern exam. Rebecca: Good! Alex: Yeah. Rebecca: That's good. We got discharged, me and the baby. Rebecca: My body's been signed off on by...plastics, cardio, orthopedics, neuro and OB, and my...and also, my teeth got a blessing from...wait, I can say this...prosthodontics. Alex: Yeah, but there's still your memory... Rebecca: You know how I know my memory's fine? Because I can say prosthodontics. Alex: Yeah, but the baby... Rebecca: Discharged, by peds. Alex: Yeah, but... Rebecca: I have every reason to go. And...and yeah, I'm scared. And yeah, this is...this is moving at warp speed. And yeah, I'm freaking out, but Jeff is good. And...and Jeff is the father of my child. The man is out buying a car seat right now. And the minute he gets back...I...I have every reason to go, because medically... there's no need for me to stay. Medically. Alex: Oh. Yeah. Okay. Well, then I'll just check the chart. Rebecca: Damn it. Alex: We got, uh... what? Rebecca: Are you...do I...do I have to spell everything out for you? I mean, did...did you sniff too much glue as a child? I'm asking you something here. Alex: What do you want from me? Rebecca: I want...I want you to give me a reason to stay...a real reason. I mean, Jeff's...Jeff's a decent guy, a good, decent guy. But to him, I'm Rebecca, and I don't know if I am Rebecca anymore and...you know me. You knew...you knew when I couldn't even speak who I was. You...you named me Ava, and I was more me as Ava then I'll ever be as Rebecca. Look, I...I have every reason to go back to my life. And I will. Unless...you...Alex, I'm asking you to give me a reason to stay here...a reason from you. Alex: Jeff loves you. He's A...he's a decent guy. Rebecca: Alex, give me a reason. Alex: I think you should stick with the decent guy. (Derek and Meredith are in the locker room) Meredith: If you want to break up with me so you can see other women, just do it. Don't tell me you met another woman. Just end it if that's what you want. Derek: I can't. Meredith: Sure you can. Here's how it goes...Meredith, I don't want to see you anymore. Meredith, I don't love you anymore. Derek: Meredith...I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want, you come back when you want. Not everyone, not your friends, but you leave me. So I'm asking you...if you don't see a future for us, if you aren't in this...please...please just end it, because I can't. I'm in it. Put me out of my misery. Meredith: I...I can't. I...I...Cristina is getting married. I have to go make sure she gets married. Derek: Meredith... Meredith: I really need to make sure she gets down that aisle. Derek: Let's go. We're running late. (Derek and Burke are waiting in the chapel) Burke: You okay? Derek: I'm fine. I'm fine. You need anything? Need a mint, huh? A getaway car? Burke: If it's the chief thing, don't worry about it. You deserve it. Derek: Richard didn't pick me to be chief. Burke: We all assumed you...well, who did he pick? Derek: I don't know. It wasn't me. Burke: You really don't...look so good. Derek: Meredith and I may not make it. I think I want it more than she does. But today's your day. It's all about you today. Burke: You really are a good best man. Derek: I try. (Meredith is in the hall and knocking on the door to the bridal dressing room) Meredith: Cristina. Cristina? Cristina: I didn't run. Helen: Oh! -You look beautiful. I'm proud of you. Cristina: Thank you. Helen: Frankly, I always feared you were too emotionally stunted to settle down. Meredith: You can do this. (Alex sits down next to Addison in the chapel) Addison: I've always found it confusing. If you know both the bride and the groom, which side do you sit on? Alex: I just look for the hottest chick in the room and sit next to her. Addison: Stop. Alex: Wanna ditch the reception, grab a drink instead? Addison: Stop it. You don't want me. Alex: Maybe I do. Addison: No, you don't. You want Ava. Alex: She's not Ava anymore. She's Rebecca now, and I barely know her. Addison: Look at me. Look at me. You suck. To me, you suck. I kind of...hate you. But, Alex, we not get unlimited chances to have the things we want. And this I know...nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could've changed your life. And no matter what her name is, she'll always be Ava to you. (George walks over to Bailey who is sitting on a bench outside of the hospital) George: Dr. Bailey. Bailey: You didn't go to the wedding either. George: No. Bailey: I am...so sorry, George. George: So, um...what do I do now? Bailey: You fail your intern test, you have two options. You can...walk away from being a surgical resident altogether, or you can start from the very beginning. George: Repeat my internship? No. I can't. I can't. Bailey: Did I...did I fail you, George? George: No. No. I failed you. (Izzie is peaking into the chapel when Alex rushes out) Izzie: Ooh. It looks so pretty in there. I see Burke. Alex: Yang...the twins looks nice in that dress. Cristina: Thank you. Sort of. Alex: I gotta go. I gotta check... Callie: Oh, you're on call? Izzie: Oh, wait, Alex, Did you see George in there? I don't see him. Callie: He's, uh...probably gonna be late. We had kind of a big, emotional day. Izzie: Oh, really? Callie: Yeah. Izzie: Did something happen between you two? I mean... Callie: No. It's just that I was named chief resident. Plus we decided to have a baby, so... Izzie: A baby? Callie: Yeah, we're trying. We tried today, in fact. Izzie: Wow. Callie: Yeah. Big day. (The wedding march starts playing) Meredith: Okay, this is it. Okay? Cristina: Yeah. Meredith: You have the bouquet. Cristina: Yeah. Meredith: I have the ring. Cristina: Yeah. Meredith: You remember your vows? Cristina: Yeah. I wrote them on my... Meredith: Okay. Cristina: Oh, my god I scrubbed in. I scrubbed in, and the vows were on my hand. I scrubbed off my vows. Meredith: Oh, okay. Um... Cristina: Okay, hello? I...I scrubbed off my vows. I...I can't...I can't do this. I don't have any...I don't have anything on my hand! (Inside the chapel) Derek: I should go see what's going on. Burke: Well, Cristina wouldn't be Cristina if she didn't need a little push. (In the hallway) Cristina: There are no words in my head. Okay? I have no vows. No vows. Meredith: It's okay. It's going to be okay. Cristina: You know what? Stop saying that! Will you say something else? Meredith: Like what? Cristina: Say something that is gonna help me. Meredith: Okay, okay! I... Cristina: Meredith, please. You know what? Say something. Say...you know what? I don't know what. Say...say...okay. Say what I would say to you if you were me. Meredith: Okay. Cristina: Good. Meredith: Got it. Cristina: Good, go. Meredith: Stop whining. This is your wedding day. You will go down that aisle and you will get married. If I have to kick your ass every step of the way to get you there, you will walk down the aisle. You will get married. Do you hear me, Cristina? We need this. We need you to get your happy ending. Cristina: Okay, I'm ready. Meredith: All right, then. Cristina: My train. (Inside the chapel) Burke: I'll go. (Burke walks down the aisle towards the hallway) Cristina: Oh. I'm ready. I'm fine. I...Meredith talked me down. Really, I'm fine. Go, go, go. I'll be right behind you. Burke: I'm sorry. Cristina: Oh...I can do this. You know, I had a momentary freak out, but now I'm fine. I can do this. Go. Burke: But you don't want to do this. I'm up there waiting for you to come down the aisle, and I knew you don't want to come. I know you don't want to come but that you'll come anyway because you love me. And if I loved you...if I loved you, not the woman that I'm trying to make you be, not the woman that I hope you'll become, but you...if I did...I wouldn't be up there waiting for you. I would be letting you go. Cristina: I am wearing the dress. I'm ready. And...and maybe I didn't want to before, but I want to now. I really think I want this. Burke: And I really wish that you didn't think. I wish that you knew. (Meredith enters the chapel and walks to the front) Meredith: It's over. You can all go home. It's over. It's so over. (Joe and Walter are holding the twin babies. Adele and Richard walk past and smile. Alex goes to Ava's room but she is already gone) (Meredith enters Cristina's apartment where she is crying) Cristina: He's gone. Meredith: I...I...I don't think he's gone. Uh, his stuff is here. Cristina: No, it isn't. His trumpet was here. His entire Eugene Foote collection...vinyl's and cd's...his grandmother's picture was by the bed. His lucky scrub cap was hanging on the door. He's gone. I'm...I'm free. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Oh, god. Get this off me. Take this off! Take this off! Please, just...I can't...help me, help me, help me! (Meredith literally cuts the wedding dress off of Cristina and then she breaks down into Meredith's arms) (Izzie is sitting in the chapel and Callie is watching her from afar) (A new group of interns enter the locker room where George is packing his things) Male Intern 1: Ah, nice. Male Intern 2: Do we get assigned lockers here or what? Male Inter 1: Dude, it stinks in here. Female Intern 2: What do you want? It's a locker room. Male Intern 1: No, it's our locker room. Male Intern 2: You guys, look, bloody scrubs. George: Hi. Male Intern 1: Hi. Male Intern 2: Come on, you guys. Let's, um, let's go check out the cafeteria. Male Intern 1: Yeah. (The interns leave except for one. She is the woman who was talking to Derek in the bar the night before) Female Intern 2: Hey. George: Hi. Female Intern 2: We're the new interns. George: Yeah. Female Intern 2: Well, you look seasoned and wise. Um...got any advice? George: No. Learn how to do an appendectomy start to finish before your first day. Female Intern 2: You're leaving? George: Yeah. Female Intern 2: Better offer? George: Just, uh...you know, life. Female Intern 2: Yeah. Anyways, uh, good luck with...life, doctor... George: My name is George. Female Intern 2: I'm Lexie. Lexie Grey. (Derek is in Richard's office) Richard: Congratulations. You'll make a fine chief. Derek? Derek: I'm not the best man for this job. You're the best man for this job. Richard: What are you talking about, Derek? Derek: A good chief learns from his mistakes. I'm still working on that. But you...if you had a chance to do it all over again, you'd do it differently. Go ahead. Do it all over again. Be the best man. (Derek leaves and Richard is left standing alone in his office)
Plan: A: the axe; Q: What did the mountain climbers lie about getting in their friend's head? A: Derek; Q: Who did Webber choose as Chief of Surgery? A: surgery; Q: What is the procedure that Derek and George use to find out that the axe was deliberately put in the patient's head? A: George; Q: Who fails his internship exam? A: his misery; Q: What was the climber trying to put Derek out of? A: Adele; Q: Who is stabilized following her collapse? A: a miscarriage; Q: What does Adele suffer after she is stabilized? A: Bailey; Q: Who is disappointed to see Callie as the new Chief Resident? A: a surgeon; Q: What is Bailey concerned about Callie's abilities as? A: a baby; Q: What does Callie want from George? A: Ava's husband; Q: Who shows up at the hospital to find Ava? A: Ava; Q: Who confesses to Alex that she wants to be with him? A: the hospital; Q: Where does Cristina refuse to stay out of on her wedding day? A: Cristina and Burke's wedding day; Q: What event is Cristina nervous about? A: Burke; Q: Who leaves Cristina after realizing that he doesn't love her? A: the real Cristina; Q: What does Burke realize he doesn't love? A: Meredith; Q: Who is uncertain about her future with Derek? Summary: The mountain climbers lie about the axe in their friend's head, telling Derek that it accidentally got there. During surgery, he and George discover that it was deliberately put there, and one of the climbers admits that he was trying to "put him out of his misery". Adele is stabilized following her collapse, but she soon suffers a miscarriage. Webber learns Adele was actually pregnant with his son, not someone she had one night stand with. Bailey is disappointed to see that Callie is the new Chief Resident and begins to question her abilities as a surgeon. Callie tells George she wants a baby. Webber chooses Derek as Chief of Surgery, but he refuses, telling Webber that he should continue. Ava's husband shows up at the hospital to find her, but when he's gone, Ava confesses to Alex that she wants to be with him, but he turns her down. Cristina and Burke's wedding day arrives, but Cristina won't stay out of the hospital. However, Cristina's nervousness results in Burke realizing that he does not love the real Cristina, and leaves her. Meredith and Derek are uncertain about their future. George fails his internship exam.
"The Headless Witch in the Woods" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Open: George Washington National Forest. Brennan and Booth trek through the forest with a forest ranger that has roped off a crime scene) BRENNAN: It's getting thicker and thicker in here. RANGER EDISON: That's why a forensic team got lost. I've sent somebody back to find them. BOOTH: Look, you sure you know where you're going? RANGER EDISON: I still have trouble and I've been here for three years. That's why we advise hikers to stay away. BOOTH: I know, I'm pining for concrete. You just, uh, you stay close, alright Bones? (Brennan walks away from Booth and finds some kind of talisman in a tree) I don't want you to get caught out here when it gets dark. Okay? (he looks around for her, but doesn't see her anywhere) Bones? Bones? Where the hell are you? Bones? BRENNAN: I'm right here, Booth. BOOTH: Don't do that, alright? BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: Take off like that, okay. You heard the guy. BRENNAN: I saw this, some sort of talisman. These are bones from a bird and the coloring on that ornament looks like dried blood. There are more of them, too. BOOTH: Geez, they look like eyes. Okay, this is weird. You see a lot of these? RANGER EDISON: Not me, but I've heard some other folks have come across some pretty strange stuff in here. Word is, it's Maggie Cinders. BRENNAN: There's a woman who lives out here? RANGER EDISON: Did. Died in 1780. Folks around here thought she was a witch and beheaded her. Legend is, she still haunts the woods, looking for her severed head. BRENNAN: And you believe this, Ranger Edison? RANGER EDISON: Look, I'm just telling you what I heard. BOOTH: Yeah, I'd prefer we keep moving, okay? RANGER EDISON: This is one of the only clearings around here. The pit was covered with sticks and leaves. One of the hikers fell in on the body, freaked and ran. Maggie Cinders did say she'd kill anybody who dared to look for her. BRENNAN: So you talked to Ms. Cinders? That must have been difficult since she doesn't have a head. Bag the eyes. Give me a hand. BOOTH: You want me to go down there with you? BRENNAN: No. I don't want the remains compromised. BOOTH: Alright? BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: So, uh, how'd she kill them? You know in the legend? RANGER EDISON: Like she was killed. She cuts off their heads. BRENNAN: Iliac crest and pubis show it's a male. Epiphyseal fusion puts him between 18 and 25 years old. He's on a - a video camera. BOOTH: Okay, cause of death? BRENNAN: Well, since I can't find a skull, I'd say - his head got cut off. (Cut to: Medico-Legal-Lab - Forensics Platform. Brennan, Zack and Cam are examining the body)CAM: Since we don't have a head, do we have enough for an identification? ZACK: We'll look for older injuries that might be found in medical records. BRENNAN: More wood splinters. CAM: Could have been the handle of whatever lopped off his head. ZACK: If a ghost isn't comprised of matter, but is merely ectoplasm, which is actually the clear outer layer of cytoplasm on amoeboid cells, how can the victim have suffered bruising and multiple fractures? BRENNAN: Because there are no such things as ghosts. CAM: I thought you never jump to conclusions. BRENNAN: Well, it's safe to dismiss fantasy and deluded perceptions. CAM: My mother came to me the day after she died. I wasn't some kid, I was 23. She came to me- She came to me and told me to look in her dresser, third drawer, behind her pink blouse. There was something there for me. (She shows the necklace she is wearing to Brennan and Zack - Zack looks a bit unnerved as Hodgins enters) HODGINS: The European hornet queen I found on the remains puts time of death at November of last year. ZACK: We have more splinters. HODGINS: The wood is from a Betula Uber, a sub-species of round leaf birch tree that's been extinct since 1800. The legend says that Maggie Cinders kills her victims with the same old axe used to decapitate her - in 1783. Anyone else feeling tingly, or is it just me? (Booth enters) BOOTH: I checked missing persons. A film student from UVA went missing in the woods last year. He was making a documentary on the Maggie Cinders legend. Graham Hastings, 21, 5'10", 176 pounds. CAM: That explains the video camera. ANGELA: I, um, I got something from the videotape. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. The gang is gathered around Angela's computer) ANGELA: I cleaned the section of the tape with an isopropyl alcohol solution and fed whatever digital information I could salvage into a restoration program. I didn't get much-maybe I got too much. (Cut to the video: A girl is in the woods at night, screaming) LORI: Where's Brian?! Where's Brian! GRAHAM: Lori, wait where are you going? Lori, stop! Stop, Lori! LORI: Brian! Bri-! (she screams) (Cut to: Brennan watches as Cam grabs for Booth's hand. She looks a bit surprised or hurt.) (Cut back to the video: Graham looks into the camera. He's scared.) GRAHAM: Oh, God. The noises are getting closer. I've lost Lori and Brian disappeared. Oh God. It's her. I can hear her. She's here. She's here! Oh God, she's here! Lori, where the hell are you?! Lori! (there's a chopping sound - possibly from an axe?) Oh my God. Help! Help me, oh God! Oh God, somebody help me! (his face gets splattered with blood) Somebody help me, please! (he screams) ACT ONE (Cut to: Medico-Legal-Lab - Forensics Platform)ZACK: I just keep hearing the screams. I never heard screams like that, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: Neither have I. Narrow focus trauma on the left humerus, posterior side. ZACK: Indicates an attempt by the victim to shield his head. HODGINS: From the axe attack. What? It's always an axe, isn't it? Remember The Shining"? ZACK: My palms perspired profusely during that film. BRENNAN: Until we complete a series of blade comparison tests, there's no way to know what type of weapon was used. (Cam enters) CAM: Forensic team found this near the pit. (she shows Hodgins a bag of what appears to be dirt) HODGINS: Looks organic. Definitely decomposing. CAM: Victim's preliminary tox screen came back negative. No drugs. HODGINS: That's too bad. CAM: Why? HODGINS: Because drugs would explain the writings I found inside Graham's backpack. I'm cleaning them and taking mud samples, but I think Booth should show them to a profiler. They're handwritten, scrawled. So far all I can make out is: "Maggie came to me again, calling me". And last but not least, "They will scream for air, but their lungs will fill with blood." CAM: I'll - redo the tox screen. BRENNAN: I may be alone in this, but I think one of us should remain a rational human being during this investigation. (goes back to examining the remains) Got it. Comminuted fracture to the ulna, professionally set. ZACK: From the degree of callous formation, that's a childhood injury. BRENNAN: One that could give us the ID we want. I'll call Booth. Tell him to contact next of kin. Zack, place some garlic around the remains and chant the Hmong ritual for preservation of souls. ZACK: Really? BRENNAN: (shakes her head in disbelief) This is going to be a long case. (Cut to: FBI - Booth's Office. Booth and Brennan are meeting with Will Hastings - Graham's brother. Brennan is looking at xrays) WILL: Graham broke his arm - sliding into second base. Um, he was - 8. BRENNAN: It's a match. I'm very sorry. WILL: Thanks. I - can't say that I'm surprised. He, um - he was missing for a year, but still, when you hear....It was just us, you know. My parents died in a car accident, I was 18, he was 13 and, uh- When something like that happen, when you lose your parents at that age, it's just people don't understand how close you become. BRENNAN: I lost mine when I was 15. It was just - me and my brother, too. He was 19. WILL: Sorry. BRENNAN: Did Graham live with relatives or did he go into foster care? WILL: God no, I would never let him go into the system. I, uh - I dropped out of college, I joined the fire department to support him. Your brother didn't- BRENNAN: It was a difficult situation for him. WILL: I understand. I mean, you know, seems like you turned out okay, though. BOOTH: Do you know who Graham was with the night he disappeared? WILL: Yeah. A couple of film students from school. There was a guy and a girl. I tried to get the guy, Brian, his name was, to help with the search, but he-he was too freaked to go back into the woods. I mean, I've never seen someone so scared. BRENNAN: So you were involved with the search? WILL: I've led a lot of Search and Rescue operations as a firefighter. Um, I should have found him. BRENNAN: It's not your fault. WILL: I should have locked him in his damn room. I mean, everyone knows weird things happen in those woods. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Zack's Office)ZACK: The chatter marks mean the vertebrae weren't split in one blow. CAM: Makes sense. Hacking off someone's head is more like cutting down a small tree than splitting a log. ZACK: I find your imagery both colorful and accurate. CAM: Thank you. Let me know when you've narrowed down the weapon category. ZACK: Dr. Saroyan? When you say your mother visited you? CAM: She appeared. In my room. It was early evening. ZACK: And you were frightened? CAM: No, I felt - loved. ZACK: Dr. Brennan says that's impossible. CAM: What do you think? ZACK: I think it would be wonderful if it were possible. (Hodgins enters) HODGINS: I found rust flakes on the neck that were from hand forged iron. CAM: 18th century. HODGINS: You got it. (Zack chops into a wood block using a machete) CAM: My God. A little warning, Zack. ZACK: I don't usually announce each phase of my experiments. CAM: Yeah. Maybe you should start. HODGINS: Nice follow-through, dude. ZACK: It doesn't look like it was a machete. (Zack chops into a wood block using an axe. Hodgins picks up a long sword.) HODGINS: Dibs on the next weapon. CAM: Looks like you have this under control. (she leaves) (Cut to: Booths' Car - Brennan is looking out the window while Booth is talking.)BOOTH: Graham had a fellowship with the school. It was a free ride worth about 30 grand a year. Brian, the other kid - you know, from the woods? He applied for it and lost out to Graham. After Graham disappeared, the fellowship went to Brian. Hm. Did you hear me? BRENNAN: Yeah. Doesn't look good for Brian Andrews. BOOTH: You okay? BRENNAN: I - I wonder what my life would have been like if Russ had raised me. BOOTH: Well, you know, since he was a petty thief - you know, in and out of jail all the time - I'd - I'd imagine it wouldn't have been very good. BRENNAN: If he'd accepted responsibility for raising me - I'm romanticizing. It's foolish. BOOTH: Everyone does it, Bones, okay? It's normal. BRENNAN: It's a useless fantasy, no different than the childish legend about the headless woman. I mean, look at Will. He sacrificed everything for his brother and still couldn't save him. By walking out, maybe Russ gave me my life. BOOTH: But you know what Will said, he was right. You turned out okay. BRENNAN: I'm going to have coffee with him. BOOTH: Mmm. That was quick. BRENNAN: He understands something no one else I know does. People need connection, Booth. Even me. Obviously, you have one with Cam. So- BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: I thought you'd mention it. I mean, isn't that what partners do? Tell each other about their lives? BOOTH: Wait a second. Look, Bones, I- BRENNAN: Sorry. I'm sorry. I forgot how self-conscious you are talking about s*x. BOOTH: I am not- I'm- (Booth is speechless) (Cut to: University Campus - Editing Room. Booth is Questioning Brian)BRIAN: Graham was kind of the star at school so we all wanted to work with him. BOOTH: And he thought the legend was true. BRIAN: Said that Maggie Cinders was talking to him in his dreams. She told him where her head was buried. BOOTH: And you believed him, too? BRIAN: Not at first. When we were out there in the woods- stuff like that doesn't happen. BOOTH: What kind of stuff? BRIAN: Chopping sounds. There were these eyes hanging on all of the trees. Something was moving out there that wasn't us. Look, I know what you're thinking, but you weren't out there. Okay, Lori, she freaked. She took off into nowhere. And that's when we all got separated. BOOTH: Okay look, the police report said that you brought Lori out of the woods. BRIAN: When I found Lori, she was just curled up on the ground, shaking. BOOTH: So you took her out of the woods, but you left Graham? BRIAN: I thought he had left us. Okay, you don't get it what it was like out there. BOOTH: His brother asked you to go on the search with him but you didn't go. Why didn't you go? BRIAN: I'm not proud of myself, okay? But I just couldn't go back out there. I couldn't. BOOTH: Uh, Lori seemed to have disappeared from school. You wouldn't happen to know where we could find her? BRIAN: I haven't seen her since that night. The last I heard, she checked back into the psych ward. (Cut to: Psychiatric Hospital - Courtyard. Booth is sitting with Lori Mueller)LORI: I checked back in because I couldn't sleep. I haven't slept for days. BOOTH: Thanks for meeting with me, Lori. LORI: Sure. There's not much else to do in here. BOOTH: Hey, do you mind if I ask you what happened that night in the woods? LORI: I've told the police everything. But Graham is the only one that can make things right. He just got a little lost in there but when he gets back, he's going to make sure that I'm safe again. BOOTH: Graham. He promised to take care of you? LORI: Well, sure. He's my boyfriend. He doesn't want anything to happen to me. BOOTH: Your boyfriend? LORI: (whispering) We keep it a secret. Other girls get jealous. Everyone loves Graham. Did - did you go into the woods? Is that why you're here? BOOTH: Yeah. LORI: You found Graham? He said he was going to talk to Maggie. Is that where you found him? BOOTH: He wasn't with Maggie. LORI: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no....(she starts to get upset) BOOTH: Lori? Lori, calm down. LORI: She killed him! BOOTH: Sorry, Lori. We need to know what happened. LORI: That's what happened. BOOTH: We need to know what happened to him. LORI: Did she take his head? Oh God, no! The blood! I- I called for help, but Brian wasn't there! (Orderly arrives to restrain Lori) ORDERLY: Alright, relax. Relax, Lori. You're safe. LORI: (hysterical)There was so. Much. blood! I tried to run! Graham! Graham, she's coming! Run, Graham! Graham! ACT TWO (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Booth & Brennan are walking down a hallway) BOOTH: She freaked, Bones. It was like she was out there in the woods with that witch. BRENNAN: Don't let anyone else hear you talking like that, Booth. BOOTH: I'm just saying. You know, I've seen a lot of weird things. It was, like, you know Exorcist weird or Elm Street weird. BRENNAN: What are you talking about now? ( they start up the stairs to enter the platform) BOOTH: They're movies. Okay, Bones? Movies so scary that you know, pee in your pants. BRENNAN: Good to know. ZACK: I - I noticed some damage to the subdeltoid bursa. Looks like the subscapularis was torn away. BRENNAN: They're fracture lines. This was a postmortem trauma. BOOTH: Meaning what? BRENNAN: The victim's shoulder was dislocated just after his death. ZACK: The injury doesn't fit into our established scenario of the struggle. BRENNAN: These marks, near the vertebrocostal junction, there's massive hinge fracturing. Zack, lie down on the ground. ZACK: Face up or face down? BRENNAN: Face up. BOOTH: This should be good. BRENNAN: And give me your right arm. Okay. (she starts to drag him) If Graham Hastings was dragged to the pit by this arm in this direction, the trauma to the back of his ribs would result in hinging. ZACK: And the exposed wound where the head was severed would have been collecting particulates along the way. BRENNAN: (helping Zack back up) Tell Hodgins we might have enough for him to determine where the victim was beheaded. BOOTH: Oh, yeah! Double yeah. I'm waiting to hear from the psych ward to see if we can talk to Lori again. BRENNAN: Well, I'll ask Will what type of relationship Graham and Lori really had when I have coffee with him. BOOTH: Whoa. Wait a second. You know, we're investigating his brother's death. I mean, don't you think that can get a little messy? BRENNAN: I can compartmentalize. Same as you. (Cam enters) BOOTH: Mm. CAM: The blood on those talisman things hanging from the trees? Not human. Brennan (turns to leave): I'll be back soon. (Cut to: Resturant. Brennan and Will are sat outside, having coffee.)WILL: I just want to thank you for everything you're doing to find out what happened to Graham. BRENNAN: Is that why you called? To thank me for doing my job? WILL: That and, uh- I didn't think you'd come, so I guess I'm a little nervous (he takes a sip of coffee). BRENNAN: Caffeine affects the adenosine receptors in the brain. It causes increased heart rate, so- WILL: There are other causes. BRENNAN: My partner warned me to stay focused on the case, so- WILL: If you've got questions, that's cool. BRENNAN: Okay, um, what kind of music do you like? WILL: (laughs) That's a good question. Um- Snow Patrol. And Leonard Cohen, I like Leonard Cohen. BRENNAN: Gravel voice, but somehow it's soothing. WILL: Yeah, I wonder why that is. BRENNAN: There's actually no empirical way of assessing something like - that. But you didn't mean that literally, did you? (They smile) WILL: Uh-uh. BRENNAN: I'm sorry. My - my social skills are very limited. WILL: Trust me. They're fine. BRENNAN: You know, it took a long time for me to understand how my brother could leave and now it's just as odd to meet someone who stayed. WILL: I thought about leaving all the time. I mean, I was a kid. I didn't know how to be a parent. I guess it was my fault that his head got so big, and he was bossing people around like he was already Steven Spielberg. BRENNAN: Graham couldn't have been all bad. I mean, my partner says that Lori seemed to love him. WILL: Poor kid. I liked her. She deserved better. BRENNAN: Graham didn't treat her well? WILL: No. He juggled a lot of girls. I don't know how he did it, but no one ever found out about each other. BRENNAN: So he cheated on her? WILL: Doesn't run in the family, by the way. BRENNAN: I have to get back to work. (she gets up to leave) WILL: Did I say something? Brennan: Maybe. WILL: If I've offended you in any way, I'm sorry. BRENNAN: (she stops and turns back towards Will) Do you like Massive Attack? WILL: I don't know Massive Attack. BRENNAN: Very impressive integration of radical politics into their music. I'll play them for you next time. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. She's blasting music while watching the video - Hodgins enters and touches her shoulder. She screams.) HODGINS: (talking loudly over the music) I know where Graham Hastings was murdered. (Angela turns off the music) ANGELA: Are you trying to kill me? HODGINS: What's with the music? ANGELA: It helps muffle the screams so I don't pass out every few seconds. HODGINS: Smart. We have to go through all the video again. Hastings was killed in a patch of eastern hemlocks like this. They grow in clusters throughout the forest. We have to spot the cluster Graham and the others were near. ANGELA: Wait. We have to go through all the video again? HODGINS: Don't worry. I'm right here for you. (They start to watch the video) GRAHAM: There is no way that this is natural. I mean, it's like - it's like, she left this here for us. Like, like a guide or something, you know? LORI: Make it stop. GRAHAM: Lori. Lori. (Lori starts to freak out) LORI: Make - Make it stop! BRIAN:Graham, there's something seriously wrong with Lori, okay? We should go back. (We see Brian) GRAHAM: No, this is a - (Lori screams) LORI: No! No! BRIAN:What is this? (Angela grabs Hodgins hand) LORI: Make it go away! Make it stop! Noooo. BRIAN:Come on! Let's go! (There are chopping sounds and we see blood running down a tree trunk.) LORI: No, Graham! No! (Cut to: Medico-Legal-Lab - Brennan is examing Graham's bones in a different room. Booth is with her)BRENNAN: Lori was not Graham's only girlfriend. He had lots of girlfriends, but he somehow managed to keep them secret from each other. BOOTH: So what would happen if a very jealous Lori found out? BRENNAN: I don't know. That's, that's more your territory. BOOTH: What? What? What, am I cheating? Brennan (smiles): I just meant that you use psychology. You're very touchy. Perhaps because of all your skulking around. BOOTH: I am discreet, okay? It's different. A gentleman is discreet, okay? (We realize that Zack has been in the room the whole time, between Booth and Brennan) ZACK: What are we talking about? Booth (to Zack): Nothing that concerns you. ZACK: But I'm quite literally in the middle of the conversation and it seems very interesting. (Booth glares at him) However, your glaring indicates that I shouldn't press for further information. BOOTH: Mm-hmm. Good genius, yeah. So, Lori loves Graham. He thinks he loves her but finds out that he doesn't, so she goes all O.J. on him. Ah, that's a perfect cover, right? "Headless witch did it, not me." The whole insanity thing might be an act. ZACK: But the victim sustained extensive defensive wounds. This was a very powerful attacker. BOOTH: Oh, you know, when a woman finds out that a man has been cheating on her, she can get pretty mad. (Brennan and Zack look at Booth) BOOTH: That's what I heard. Okay, look, we got motive and opportunity, It fits. BRENNAN: No, it doesn't fit. Graham Hastings was 5' 10" and 176 pounds. Lori is 120, tops. The injuries aren't consistent with a woman Lori Mueller's size. (Cam enters) CAM: Of course, people on PCP have been known to exhibit extraordinary strength. BOOTH: PCP? Who was on PCP? CAM: Hodgins' report on the organic matter from the baggy found at the scene showed that it contained psilocybe mushrooms injected with phencyclidine. BOOTH: Whoa, what a trip. ZACK: Well, if Lori ingested those it's possible she could've caused Graham's injuries. CAM: Not to mention, combining dissociative anesthetics with hallucinogenic compounds- can have a devastating effect on people with fragile brain chemistry. BRENNAN: So her mental condition is probably genuine. BOOTH: You know what, I'm going to go talk to my good old buddy Brian, see if he knows anything about the Magical Mystery Tour that Lori might've been on that night. (Cut to: University Campus - Editing Room. Brian and his film professor, Nate Gibbons, are sitting and editing a film) BOOTH: Hey, Brian. BRIAN: Hey, Agent Booth. This is Nate Gibbons, my film teacher. (To Gibbons) This is Agent Booth, I told you about. NATE: Hello. BOOTH: Hi. (They shake hands) NATE: You're here about Graham Hastings. BOOTH: Yeah. Was he, uh, one of your students? NATE: Yes. He was an incredibly gifted kid. What happened out there was horrible. BOOTH: Mm. BRIAN: What are you doing here again? BOOTH: You want to find out what happened to Graham, don't you? BRIAN: Of course. BOOTH: Yeah. So what were we watching? That's pretty cool. BRIAN: Nothing, really. It's this film I'm doing for, uh, my degree. NATE: Brian's being modest. He wrote and directed an amazing modern take on the Gilgamesh story. BRIAN: Uh, Nate produced it. I got it accepted into Sundance. BOOTH: Oh, congratulations. (to Nate) If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to Brian alone. NATE: Sure. We'll finish up later. BRIAN: Alright. NATE: Call me if you need anything. BOOTH: Mhm. (Gibbons exits) BOOTH: Brian. Listen, we have evidence suggesting that, um, Lori was taking drugs that night in the woods. BRIAN: No. Those woods are too thick. We knew that we had to keep our heads on straight. BOOTH: So as far as you know, Lori Mueller wasn't under the influence of any hallucinogens. BRIAN: No- BOOTH: When she was with Graham, was she violent? BRIAN: No way. BOOTH: Did you know that Graham was cheating on her? BRIAN: Man, that was none of my business. Sure, Graham was a hound and everyone knew it. BOOTH: Maybe Lori found out, got angry with Graham. BRIAN: No, okay? There's no way, it wasn't her, okay? Whacked out or not, it wasn't her. There was something else out there that night. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Angela and Hodgins are rewatching the video footage. Lori and Brian walking through the forest) LORI: Where are we going? I can't see. BRIAN: Don't worry, just stay close. (Angela closes her eyes and leans against Hodgins shoulder) LORI: What is- HODGINS: You're supposed to be looking for eastern hemlock. It's much more effective with your eyes open. ANGELA: I just know what's going to happen here, okay? This is where they freak out because they hear the witch. (On the video, there is a chopping sounds and Lori screams.) ANGELA: Wait. There. (they pause the video on Lori in front of a tree) Did you see that? HODGINS: Yeah. But where are they? Go, go forward. Stop. (They stop on a tree.) Dense crown, fine branches, scaly bark and wide ridges. Those are eastern hemlocks. Love your eyes. Now we need a landmark. (They got back to watching the video) BRIAN:You have to be quiet, okay? There's something out here. LORI: No! NO! HODGINS: Wait a minute, wait a minute. (they stop the video on Lori's watch) 2:37 a. m. ANGELA: So? HODGINS: We have a date plus an exact time. I - I can estimate the position of the moon from shadowing patterns on the forest floor. We should be able to get the approximate latitude and longitude. (They got back to watching the video) BRIAN:Graham, leave the camera! GRAHAM: Run, Lori! (Lori screams) HODGINS: Let's just work out the coordinates. ANGELA: Yeah. (Open: George Washington National Forest. Brennan and Booth are back at the crime scene in the woods with the Ranger.) RANGER EDISON: The axe was found buried over there. BRENNAN: Dried blood on the trunk. (Brennan shines a black light on the tree trunk) BOOTH: Whoa. Make that a lot of dried blood on the trunk. BRENNAN: Someone should do a scraping here. Where'd you find the skull? RANGER EDISON: Buried just behind those bushes. But there's something else. (The Ranger brings them to another area) BOOTH: Second skull. RANGER EDISON: I'm afraid so. BRENNAN: Are there any other outstanding cases in the area? BOOTH: No. There aren't. ACT THREE (Cut to: Medico-Legal-Lab - Forensics Platform) BRENNAN: Based on bony architecture this skull's consistent with that of Graham Hastings. CAM: I'll confirm with the blood from the axe. HODGINS: And the other skull? ZACK: Female. Mid-30s at the time of death - which was between the mid-18th and mid-19th centuries. HODGINS: This axe handle is birch. Betula Uber. Same extinct species as the wood fragments we found in the bone. ANGELA: Almost done with her face. BRENNAN: Why are you spending time on that? It won't help the case. HODGINS: Come on. Let the kids have some fun, Mom. ZACK: Both skulls have depressed fractures on the parietal bones. They could've been killed with a blow to the head before they were decapitated. BRENNAN: In Graham's case, yes, but on the female skull - there's evidence of new growth what looks like - this person underwent trepanation. ZACK: An antiquated form of brain surgery. HODGINS: Practiced in the 1700s on those suspected of witchcraft. CAM: Do you think that skull is your Maggie Cinders? HODGINS: Of course not. I mean, there's no way to know, right? I'm just saying. It's interesting. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Brennan's Office. She's taking a book off the shelf as Booth enters)BOOTH: Hey, Bones? You know those papers that Hodgins found in Graham Hastings backpack? BRENNAN: His hallucinogenic ramblings? BOOTH: Mhm. You got it. They were written on the back of the pages from his screenplay. BRENNAN: I don't see the significance. Graham was a film student, of course he wrote screenplays. BOOTH: Yeah, but this was a modern-day take on the Gilgamesh story. The same story that Brian Andrews is using for his film. BRENNAN: He stole Graham's screenplay. (Cut to: FBI - Interrogation Room. Booth & Brennan are questioning Brian Andrews. Booth lays out the pages that they found on the table) BOOTH: Look familiar? BRIAN: Where - where'd you find these? BRENNAN: Graham Hasting's backpack. Near his murdered body. BOOTH: Care to explain why, uh, a movie that's about to make it to Sundance sounds a lot like the screenplay that your dead buddy wrote? BRIAN: Look, I know what you're thinking. BOOTH: Oh, really? Because what I think is that you killed him. BRIAN: No. BOOTH: I think that you're the one who drugged Lori, so she wouldn't know what the hell was going on that night. BRIAN: No, I didn't. Look, I know that this may look similar, but this is mine. BOOTH: Really? Because you know we found an e-mail on Graham's computer, sending you a complete first version draft to you. BRENNAN: He wanted you to read it. Get your thoughts. BOOTH: So. What'd you think? BRIAN: I thought - I thought that it was better than anything I could ever write. So, yeah, you know, after Graham was missing a few months, Nate thought it would be safe to pass off as our own, but I didn't kill Graham. BOOTH: Anything else you forget to mention, Brian? Oh, come on, Brian. You love the movies, right? So, this is the time where the innocent guy comes clean or the guilty guy asks for a lawyer. Okay, so which movie is this going to be? BRIAN: That night - Lori. When - when I found her, she was covered in blood. It wasn't hers. I was afraid. BRENNAN: You think she killed Graham. BRIAN: It wasn't her fault, though. She was nuts, okay? She said that the blood just rained down on her. I wanted to protect her. BRENNAN: So you got rid of the bloody clothing. BRIAN: I hid them. In the woods. They're still out there. BOOTH: Oh, Okay, great. You can take us there. BRIAN: No! Look, I'll tell you what I remember, but I'm never going out there again. You can lock me up for the rest of my life. I'm never going back out there. (Cut to: Booth's Car. Booth and Brennan are both on their cell phones) BOOTH: (into the phone) The kid said he hid her clothes in a hollow log near a stream. BRENNAN: (into the phone) Thanks. (she hangs up the phone then to Booth) Angela looked at the video again. Tell the forensic team to fan out across the area south-southwest of the cabin ruins. BOOTH: Did you hear that, Lou? Yeah, south-southwest. Yeah, I know it gets cold when the sun goes down, Lou. Well, you should've brought your blankie. Alright, just call me when you find her clothes. (he hangs up the phone.) Man. (Booth sighs and realizes that Brennan is staring at him.) What? He was being a baby. BRENNAN: I didn't say anything. BOOTH: But you're looking at me like - I'm in trouble and you're a teacher. BRENNAN: You're very touchy lately, Booth. BOOTH: Look, Bones. I don't know why I didn't tell you about Cam. BRENNAN: Did I mention Cam? BOOTH: I just didn't want it to get weird, I guess. BRENNAN: Weird? BOOTH: We're partners, you know? Together all the time, right? You're a woman and I'm a man and I never had a relationship like this where we were - like two guys, except you're not - ya know - a guy. Yeah. BRENNAN: No. No, I'm not. Should I feel odd about - wanting to hang out with Will? BOOTH: No, of course not. You know, because essentially - I mean - you're a guy like me. But not really. BRENNAN: That would mean that, to me, you are essentially a woman. (she pauses a second to ponder this) Yeah, I can see that. BOOTH: No, no, no. I'd - I'd prefer not to be a woman, if you don't mind. BRENNAN: I'm merely trying to follow your reasoning, Booth. BOOTH: Okay, fine. What do you say we just, you know, we'll drop it for now (He picks up his ringing cell phone then into the phone.) Yeah, it's Booth. (he listens. Then a beat later, to Brennan.) They found the clothes. BRENNAN: That was fast. BOOTH: Yeah, well, good work, Lou. All right, now you can come home before all the monsters get you. I- (he looks at his phones) Hung up on me. I thought it was funny. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Autopsy Bay) CAM: The blood from the axe was from Graham Hastings. BOOTH: Okay, well, is the blood on Lori Mueller's clothes a match? CAM: Nope. BRENNAN: Then there's another victim out there? CAM: Yes and she's probably named Bessie. BOOTH: Bessie? CAM: It's cow's blood. The hormones and antibiotics confirm that it's from a butcher shop. (Zack enters carrying the skull) ZACK: Dr.Brennan. The witch's skull was cut with a Stryker saw. BOOTH: Wait. Don't you use those in your autopsies? ZACK: They're also used in teaching institutions. I found a faded serial number behind the occipital condyle. It's from the University. BRENNAN: So the skull was stolen from the medical school. BOOTH: Someone set up one hell of a horror show to kill Graham Hastings. ACT FOUR (Cut to: FBI - Booth, Brennan and Nate Gibbons enter the interrogation room) BOOTH: Have a seat.NATE: I'll help in any way I can, but I do have a class starting in 45 minutes. BOOTH: Yeah, well, you know, it's film class. You know what? Have them watch Wedding Crashers. NATE: I can assure you, Agent Booth, that film class is a lot more than watching movies. BRENNAN: Were you aware that the medical school at the university has an anatomical specimen collection? NATE: I don't even know what that means. This is about Graham, right? BRENNAN: The research collection can only be accessed by a faculty member with a key card. BOOTH: Yours was recorded entering the building last November 7. Three days before Graham Hastings disappeared. You often go into a medical school at 2:43 in the morning? NATE: I reported my key card missing last November. I'm sure you'll find a record of that. BOOTH: Yeah. It's convenient. BRENNAN: Very convenient. NATE: Are you accusing me of something? BOOTH: Someone stole a skull. Planted it in the woods along with, uh, animal bones, blood, weird amulets. BRENNAN: Tricking people into believing that Graham was murdered by a ghost. NATE: Okay, but why? Why would I possibly want to do something like that? BOOTH: Ride his coattails, ya know. Escape the faculty ghetto. BRENNAN: He shut you out. BOOTH: And maybe you were feeling just a little bitter about that, huh, teach? NATE: I'm entitled to an attorney, aren't I? (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Booth and Brennan are entering the building)BOOTH: Okay, maybe it was Graham who stole the skull himself. BRENNAN: Are you suggesting it was some convoluted suicide scheme? He chopped off his own head? BOOTH: No. Right? Look, I'm just saying, things, they got out of hand, right? He wanted to make it-look like a documentary, right? As scary as possible. So,he sets everything up, right? He gets Nate to help him out that night, but Nate sees an opportunity. No one knows he's out there and before you know, it's chop chop and I'm going to Hollywood. ANGELA: I found someone else in the woods. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Booth, Brennan and Angela enter. Hodgins is sitting, waiting for them) ANGELA: At least, I think it's a person. BRENNAN: Have you finished with the particulates from the axe handle? HODGINS: I've determined that the assailant was wearing rough-hewn leather gloves, but I still have to check- BOOTH: Then, uh, why are you in here? ANGELA: Because I want him here. Okay. Look. I ran it through a mass-recognition program (she points to a shadow on the screen) That's Graham. And that is our mystery guest (She points to a shadow talking to Graham.) BRENNAN: It's not Brian? ANGELA: No. Different height and weight. This person is about six-one. As you can see, that includes a head. HODGINS: So, it's definitely not Maggie. BOOTH: Nate Gibbons is about six-one. BRENNAN: I'll ask Will if he can tell us anything about Graham and his teacher. Maybe he threatened Graham? (Brennan exits, Booth turns to watch her go) (Cut to: Restaurant. Brennan and Will are having dinner) WILL: His professor? BRENNAN: Did Graham tell you anything about his relationship with him? WILL: Yeah, he said the guy wanted to help produce his film, but Graham said he wanted to do it on his own. BRENNAN: His professor is producing his film. Brian stole Graham's screenplay. He and the professor are making it. WILL: The teacher killed Graham for a script? BRENNAN: Make his career. Brian's, too. I've seen people murdered for a lot less. Uh, it's not certain yet. We're just looking for evidence that links one or two of them to the remains. WILL: With all this going on, when I'm with you - I feel like everything's gonna be okay. BRENNAN: I'd like to see the world the way you do. WILL: Then you would be looking at a very beautiful woman. (They both smile, then Will leans in and they kiss.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Autopsy Room) CAM: Preliminary tests show only one type of DNA on the axe, but now the follow-up tests are showing two. ZACK: Something wrong with our electrophoresis machine? CAM: No. I double-checked it. BOOTH: Uh, so this means you got the killer's DNA. CAM: Right. Attacker must have been cut by Graham during the struggle. I'm trying to separate out the two types of DNA, but it's hard. BOOTH: That's easy. I'll just get a warrant for a blood sample for Nate Gibbons. (Hodgins enters) HODGINS: The glove fragments on the handle were coated with diammonium phosphate and a guar gum-derivative thickener. BOOTH: You speak English? ZACK: It's a flame-retardant. ANGELA: Exactly. Isn't that only used by professional firefighters? BOOTH: Wait, Graham's brother. He's a firefighter. ANGELA: He's also about six-foot-one, right? And, he has a head. CAM: That explains why it looks like there was only one blood source. Siblings share so many of the same chromosomes. BOOTH: Will Hastings killed his brother. CAM: That certainly explains my result. BOOTH: Brennan. Wait, she's with him now. (Booth leaves) (Cut to: Resturant. Brennan and Will are still having dinner. Booth enters the restaurant looking for them and when he finally spots them, approaches the table) BRENNAN: ....that's your opinion. I don't think you're the one that should be telling me that - (looks up and sees Booth) Booth. (then, laughing) What are you doing here? BOOTH: (to Brennan) I'm sorry. (to Will) You're under arrest for the murder of your brother, Graham Hastings. (Booth sits down at the table) WILL: What? BOOTH: You have the right to remain silent. BRENNAN: What is this, Booth? BOOTH: He did it. Cam found his blood on the axe and Hodgins found chemicals that only a firefighter would have access to. WILL: I didn't kill Graham. (Brennan looks at Will, horrified. She realizes that Booth is telling the truth) WILL: We fought, that's all. BRENNAN: You were out there in the woods that night? WILL: Please don't look at me like that. Please. I was just helping my brother. He said the film was going to make him famous. BOOTH: So you got the animal bones, the blood, and you made the chopping sound with the axe. WILL: He wanted me to stay out of sight. But the girl, Lori, he slipped her drugs and she was screaming and I said I wasn't going to help anymore. And I said I wouldn't throw the blood on her, so he did it, and she went crazy and you saw her. Graham did that to her. Brennan (shocked): Will. WILL: I had to stop him. Okay? I can't be responsible for raising a monster like that. BOOTH: So you hit him with the axe. WILL: He was just lying there, and I was waiting for him to move. And I've never - I never even hit him before, no matter how difficult he got. BOOTH: And then you chopped off his head and you buried him to make it look like some witch did it. WILL: No. She did it. She did it. Maggie Cinders was out there that night and she made me do it. She told me never to tell anybody. Maggie Cinders made me cut off his head. That's the only way it could happen. You know me. He was my brother. I could never kill my own brother. It was her. (Brennan looks at Booth, tears starting to form in her eyes. This is a real horror she can't make sense of) BRENNAN: What are you waiting for, Booth? (Brennan stands up to leave as Booth stands behind Will, ready to arrest him) BOOTH: You have the right to remain silent... WILL: No! BOOTH: Understand me? Anything you say- (Brennan looks at Will one last time before she walks out of the resturant) WILL: No Wait. Wait please. BOOTH: ...will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to - an attorney. (As she walks off, Booth knows he has to let her go. He watches her as he cuffs Will and finishes reading him his rights.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Angela enters the office while Hodgins is sitting on the couch) ANGELA: The FBI needs me to finish cataloging the restored footage. HODGINS: It's cool. I don't have anywhere else to go . ANGELA: You've been great today, Hodgins. (He stands and walks over to her) HODGINS: No, no (Looking at the screen) I haven't seen that piece. ANGELA: Yeah, I was working on it before. I just finished rendering. (They play the videotape) (They watch the video as the image of a ghostly white shadow woman appears on the monitor) ANGELA: Um, uh. Could, could be a reflection. HODGINS: Had to be. Or some moonlight. ANGELA: Yeah. Uh, moonlight sounds right. Can I stay at your place tonight? HODGINS: Sure. No problem. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Brennan's Office. She sits, staring at her computer monitor and leans back in her chair. Booth appears in the doorway.) BRENNAN: I sure know how to pick'em, don't I? BOOTH: Well, you know. Our perceptions are alway colored by what we hope and what we fear, what we love. We do the best we can. BRENNAN: I'm afraid my best isn't good enough. I can read bones, not people. BOOTH: Well, you had no trouble seeing through me. (Brennan smiles then stands goes around to the front of her desk) BRENNAN: It's a good thing I like being alone. BOOTH: You know what? Bones, you're not alone. Okay? Come here. (He places his hand on her back) Brennan (turning to face him): Booth. BOOTH: Hey, you're my partner. Okay? It's a guy hug. Take it. (She hesitates a second before stepping into his embrace. She hugs him tighter and he rubs her back as the scene fades out.) END.
Plan: A: Brennan; Q: Who finds a second head that seems to corroborate the murder suspects' claim? A: Booth; Q: Who is Brennan's partner in the investigation? A: a headless corpse; Q: What is found in the woods? A: a frightening video tape; Q: What is found with the headless corpse? A: any possible information; Q: What are Hodgins and Angela assigned to find on the video? A: the video; Q: What do Hodgins and Angela turn off after the killer is caught? A: Hodgins' glee; Q: What is Hodgins' reaction to Angela's fearful request? A: fear; Q: What emotion does Angela have when she watches the video? A: The episode's plot; Q: What is a slight parody of the famous found-footage horror film, The Blair Witch Project? A: the Blair Witch; Q: What famous antagonist of the film is a legend in this episode? A: "Maggie Cinders; Q: What is the Blair Witch referred to as in this episode? A: The murder suspects; Q: Who claims that "Maggie" killed the victim? A: a second, unidentified head; Q: What does Brennan find that seems to corroborate the murderer's claim? A: the end; Q: When does Angela ask Hodgins, "Can I stay at your place tonight?" A: an axe; Q: What weapon does the headless female figure have? A: probably correct and rational theories; Q: What do Hodgins and Angela offer as explanations for the video? A: Hodgins' obvious pleasure; Q: What did Hodgins think when Angela asked him to stay at his place? Summary: Brennan and Booth investigate when a headless corpse is found in the woods along with a frightening video tape of events on the night of the murder. Meanwhile, Hodgins and Angela are assigned to find any possible information on the video, much to Hodgins' glee, as Angela grasps his arm out of fear of what she sees. The episode's plot is a slight parody of the famous found-footage horror film, The Blair Witch Project , with even the famous antagonist (the Blair Witch) of the film, presented as a legend in this episode (referred to here as "Maggie Cinders"). The murder suspects claim that "Maggie" killed the victim, and Brennan even finds a second, unidentified head that seems to corroborate that claim. At the end of the episode, after the killer is caught, Hodgins and Angela are relieved to turn off the video, but then they notice the silhouette of a headless female figure with an axe heading toward the victim right before he was killed. Freaked out, they both offer probably correct and rational theories explaining it, with Angela fearfully asking Hodgins at the end, "Can I stay at your place tonight?", much to Hodgins' obvious pleasure.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars� Duncan and Veronica in the journalism classroom (from 118 "Weapons of Class Destruction"). DUNCAN: You think I killed Lilly. VERONICA: Duncan, calm down. DUNCAN: Why, do you think I'm going to have another episode and kill you too? Outside the journalism classroom later, in the hallway from the same episode. MEG: You haven't seen Duncan, tonight, have you? He's missing. His parents think he may have run away. Keith and Alicia cuddle on the couch at the Mars apartment watching an old movie from the same episode. VERONICA: [Offscreen] You didn't want them dating� Veronica and Wallace in Veronica's bedroom from the same episode. VERONICA:�either. WALLACE: Yeah, I probably wish Mom would've found a guy who wasn't my best friend's dad. Veronica and Logan outside the Echolls house (from 119 "Hot Dogs"). VERONICA: I know Lilly loved you. LOGAN: Well, it's just not like I loved her. I-I don't know, I don't have to feel guilty anymore. VERONICA: Feel guilty about what? Veronica and Logan kissing. VERONICA: What are we doing? LOGAN: [Softly] No idea. End previously. Open on a stuffed Garfied, stuck on the inside windscreen of a car. Car horns are blaring and people are shouting. Cars are queued in the Neptune High car park. The music is "Gold Rush" by Kissinger. SONG: Fever, fever, high school bell But the pageants never panned out well Until doctor, doctor build your best Now a rainbow ends on both your breasts And there's a gold rush, gold rush baby You're the gold rush, you're a gold rush girl And there's a gold brush, gold rush baby You're the gold rush girl, gold rush girl, yeah. Now I could leave these years behind And spend my life down in the mines Where pick and I'll get one by one They all melt when the work is done But it's a gold rush, gold brush baby I'm a gold� One of the basketball players heads up the queue of cars to see what the problem is. BASKETBALL PLAYER: Later. He passes by the souce. The LeBaron has died and Veronica is trying to pull a rubber tube stuck to part of the engine. She is stuggling. Dick and his friend Beaver, accompanied by Logan, who is cutting into an apple with a small knife, walk up to her. DICK: Uh-oh, someone's got her eye on that Miss White Trash title. BEAVER: Yeah, you know you got a solid effort in the talent competition, but I'd like to see that car up on some cinder blocks. LOGAN: Guys, come on, huh. Covering for Logan's failure to respond appropriately, Veronica takes over. VERONICA: I know. Guys, come on, the talent is making a grilled cheese sandwich on the engine block. [Grabs knife out of Logan's hand] Guys, come on, you can't put your car up on blocks in the yard if you don't have a yard. [Cuts the free part of the tube away and attaches it to another part of the engine] You know, I think I can do both sides of this little act now. [Starts the car] So, how 'bout next time, you don't bother. I got it covered. She throws the knife back at Logan, who catches it and smirks. They exchange a look before the boys wander off and she closes the bonnet. Cut to a skateboarder as he barrels down a path by the school. He passes a couple in deep conversation. This is Tad and Carmen. TAD: So that's it? I mean just like that you flush a two year relationship down the toilet? CARMEN: No, Tad, it's�We've been going out since I was a freshman an-and I just feel like- TAD: What did I do wrong? CARMEN: Nothing. It's just�you're graduating in a month and... TAD: And what? What, you don't trust me? What with college and all that? CARMEN: Tad, I just can't imagine doing the whole long distance thing. TAD: But it's only for a year. CARMEN: No, it's four years at the Academy and then four years of the Navy and I don't know. Tad pulls a cd out of his pocket. TAD: Look. Look, just listen to this, please? CARMEN: I don't want another mix. He slides it between the books she is holding, pressed against her chest. TAD: It's something I wrote for you on my guitar. CARMEN: Look, a song isn't going to make it better, Tad. It's over. She turns and starts to walk away. TAD: Before you go, [she pauses] there's something you should see. She turns back as Tad gets out his cell phone. CARMEN: You're not gonna change my mind. Tad punches some buttons and the sound of Carmen laughing and moaning can be heard. He holds up the phone so she can see the small screen. She is horrified. Cut to Veronica's bathroom office. Carmen is staring in mirror, wiping tears away. Veronica is standing next to her. CARMEN: I don't even remember doing it. I must have been wasted. I-I would never do something like that. It's totally disgusting. VERONICA: You mean, you two having s*x? CARMEN: Worse. I'm skinny-dipping in some hot tub and�I have this�popsicle and I� VERONICA: Do you think he's serious? CARMEN: I don't know. When I said I wanted to break up, he was just�but I can't take the chance. I need you to get me that phone, Veronica. You can do that, can't you? VERONICA: Oh, yeah. Bank on it. Opening credits. Veronica's bathroom office. She and Logan are kissing passionately. They do a standing roll from one side of the sink area to the other, never breaking apart and Logan lifts Veronica onto the counter. He pulls back and drops his head with a heavy sigh. VERONICA: What? I blockaded the door. I hung an "Out of Order" sign. Logan has a huge grin on his face. He shakes his head. LOGAN: No, this is wrong. [He looks around] I mean a boy in a girl's bathroom, it's just- VERONICA: So wrong, it's right? LOGAN: [Whispers] Yes. They kiss again until Logan pulls back and sighs again, this time more serious. LOGAN: I'm sorry about Dick and those guys. VERONICA: Dick and those guys don't bother me. Veronica grabs Logan's shirt as he laughs softly.. LOGAN: Besides, you and I have to keep up appearances because Duncan is gonna come home some day�and [resting her hands on his shoulders] I don't want him to hear about us, this, from someone else. Logan nods then looks at his watch. He expels another heavy breath. LOGAN: I am beyond tardy for my physics class. Logan leans forward to kiss her quickly, then grabs his books from the other sink counter. LOGAN: If I remember right, time travel is not yet possible. Logan performs a silly little skip and heads for the door. Veronica jumps down from the counter and follows him. VERONICA: So try petty corruption. Logan peers out of the bathroom as Veronica, now behind him, reaches into her back pocket and pulls out a pad of slips. LOGAN: Hm? VERONICA: Tardy excuse slips. Date-stamped. Untraceable. I know people. Veronica pulls the bathroom door open slighty and peers out. Logan moves behind her to look. Veronica puts on an OMG face but then drops it as she turns to face Logan and leans back against the wall next to the door. VERONICA: It's clear. Logan stands over her, hand on the door. VERONICA: Good luck in physics. Veronica grabs his shirt and pulls him in for a kiss but then, just as they are about to, starts speaking again. VERONICA: Remember, [Logan laughs as does Veronica, then they complete the kiss] force equals mass times acceleration� LOGAN: [Kissing her again] Mmm. VERONICA: �light is a particle that can exhibit properties of a wave� Logan kisses her a couple more times before straightening up and looking down on her. LOGAN: I'd learn more staying here with you. He moves in to continue the 'lesson' and is again within millimetres of her mouth when she pushes him away. VERONICA: I have things to do. Logan laughs again. He kisses her cheek, then opens the door and strides off, tapping the "Out of Order" sign as he goes. Veronica sighs. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Like cool down. She heads over to her bag on the counter and pulls out a cell phone. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I made a promise to Carmen. Thank god for disposable cell phones. Cut to the school hallway. Veronica and Wallace walk along together. VERONICA: No offence but you look odd. WALLACE: I just watched our parents cuddle on the couch last night. My eyes�they burn. VERONICA: Any idea what our parents do Mondays and Wednesdays from six to ten that requires an overnight bag? WALLACE: As far as I'm concerned, they play bingo at the VFW. That's my story, I'm sticking with it. VERONICA: Best way to deal with things like this? Pretend they don't exist. [Handing him a slip of paper] Do you mind calling this number halfway through sixth period? WALLACE: Sure, all right. They don't exist? VERONICA: Deal. They pause and Veronica spots Tad. VERONICA: Hey, you mind helping me with a bump and bait here? Wallace nods as Veronica hands him a cell phone. She starts talking loudly and walking backwards towards the oncoming Tad. VERONICA: [A la Valley girl] So I was all no way and he was like, yeah, way and- Tad walks into Veronica as he passes her. He turns to face her. VERONICA: I'm so sorry. Wallace drops the phone into his backpack. TAD: Watch what you're doing. VERONICA: Okely-dokely. Wallace and Veronica smile. Cut to Veronica entering a classroom. She has a cell phone to her ear and is in Valley girl mode again. VERONICA: [Excitedly] He did not say that. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. [Gasps] Uh-uh. Tad is sitting at one of the desks. The teacher at the front of the class is unimpressed with Veronica's entrance as she puts her bag down on one of the empty desks. MR WU: Excuse me! What do you think you're doing? VERONICA: [Into the phone] Okay, ciao for now. [To Mr Wu] This is like study hall, right? I was excused from gym class for, um, personal reasons. MR WU: Are you not familiar with the school's cell phone policy? He holds his hand out for the phone. Veronica gives it to him. VERONICA: [Testily] All right, all right, take a pill. MR WU: You can pick this up after school. Veronica returns to and sits at her desk and holds out her hands in a "whatever" gesture. Cut to Wallace in a different, darkened classroom, where some dull educational film is playing.. FILM AUDIO: We can it symbiosis. That literally means living together. Wallace has his phone in his hand under his desk and is punching in a number. Back in study hall, a cell rings. MR WU: Tad, I believe your bag is ringing. Some of the class giggle while Tad picks up his bag from the floor beside him and retrieves his phone. He finds it and opens it. Mr Wu holds out his hand for it. TAD: What? Give me a break, it's not even on. MR WU: I know you know the policy Mr Wilson, because you just saw a demonstration. I'm an equal opportunity confiscator. Tad, pissed off, takes the phone to Mr Wu as Veronica observes with a look of satisfaction. Mr Wu places Tad's phone in a drawer. Cut to a different classroom, a lab. Veronica collects her paper and approaches the teacher. VERONICA: Ms Dunne? I volunteered to separate the recycling from the cafeteria trash this afternoon. Can I be excused from class early? The clueless Miss Dunne nods and takes Veronica's paper. Cut to the hallway. The bell rings and Veronica runs to study hall. Mr Wu is still at the teacher's desk of the now empty room. VERONICA: Hi! I'm here to get my phone back. He opens the drawer. Veronica grabs Tad's phone. MR WU: Consider this a warning. Next time, I'm keeping it and you'll just have to gossip with your friends with two cans and string. VERONICA: I'm not sure what that means but I'm totally warned, I swear. Veronica runs out of the room, bumping into Tad coming in. She flies. He approaches Mr Wu who looks up. MR WU: Ah, yep. Mr Wu opens his drawer. Tad puts his hand in the drawer, reaching for his phone and realises that it is not there. TAD: Wait, this isn't mine. Mr Wu, disinterested, does that "I don't know" hum and returns to his papers. Tad thinks for a moment, then clues in. TAD: Veronica Mars. Cut to Mars Investigations. Veronica puts her stuff on her desk as Keith, feet on his desk, viewing his computer screen, calls out to her. KEITH: Hey, honey, how's school? VERONICA: You know. Mean kids and different teachers. Crumbling infrastructure. [Heading into his office] So, why are you smiling? KEITH: 'Cause I'm savouring the irony. Imagine the Mars family sending our heir, Veronica, to an Ivy League college with money from the bounty on the Kane heir. Veronica looks over his reclined body at the screen. It is a "Missing Persons Links" page setting out details of missing persons and rewards. Duncan Kane is top of the list. Details listed include age (looks like 18), date of birth (looks like 19 February 1987), hair (brown), eyes (blue), height (looks like 5"11') and some further details. There is a picture of him and under it, the amount of $50,000.00. Also on the list id Eckwood Solomon 111 (reward $10,000.00) and Aaron Garrison Jr. VERONICA: [Reads] For information on the whereabouts of Duncan Kane. [Amazed] Fifty grand? Not bad. KEITH: Money for nothing. That's your first two years right there. VERONICA: It might not be as easy as you think. KEITH: Come on, honey, Duncan Kane? A sheltered rich kid who has maids fold his underwear? I think I'll be able to track him down. I'm only worried about beating the other pros. Yeah, he's a big fish in a very small barrel. Keith looks up at his daughter and catches the doubt in her face. KEITH: What is it? VERONICA: You know that entertainment lawyer you've been looking for all year? KEITH: Yeah. VERONICA: Well, I was telling Meg about how hard the guy's been to find and all the tricks you use if you want to disappear and Duncan was sitting right there, listening. But, looking on the bright side, all those other professionals probably won't find him first. KEITH: What did you tell him? VERONICA: Use cash, don't use a credit card, don't use your own car, you know. KEITH: The basics. VERONICA: I might have mentioned something about recycling passports on eBay. Keith looks resigned. VERONICA: [Enthusiastically] But, come on, Dad, with your expertise and my can-do spirit, we can do it. Family project. The door to Mars Investigations can be heard opening. VERONICA: I have a friend who can play the eBay angle, might be able- Veronica finally hears the humming of "Our Love Is Here to Stay" coming from the outer office and pauses, looking up. A contented and happy Alicia appears at the door of Keith's office. ALICIA: [Lovingly] Hello, Mr Mars. [To Veronica, friendly] Hey, Veronica. How's school? VERONICA: [Embarrassed] Hi, Miss Fennel, it's fine. Keith, sporting a grin, stands and moves to the door, grabbing a bag on the way. He kisses Alicia on the cheek. KEITH: We'll be back around eight or so. VERONICA: Where you going? KEITH: Out. Why don't you get started on that passport thing? Keith and Alicia leave and Veronica sighs. Cut to later. Veronica is working on her computer when Carmen enters. CARMEN: So. Did it work? VERONICA: Success. Veronica hands her Tad's phone. CARMEN: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. You didn't watch it, did you? Veronica shakes her head and Carmen sinks into the chair in relief. CARMEN: You saved my life, Veronica. VERONICA: Look, Carmen, just because we got the phone, doesn't mean the video's dead. You gotta know it's impossible to destroy a digital file with any kind of certainty. CARMEN: Tad isn't really a think ahead kind of guy. Carmen looks down at the phone then grabs a heavy based sculpture on Veronica's desk and smashes the phone. Veronica smiles broadly. CARMEN: That felt good. VERONICA: Justice is served. On her computer screen, Veronica has the PryingEyez screen in the background but was actually doing an email to Wallace entitled: History Project Due. As she glances at her screen again, she receives an email. The message is: Nice try. VERONICA: It's just a message from Top Gun. CARMEN: That's Tad. Carmen comes around to Veronica's side of the desk and looks over her shoulder as a video file loads. It is Carmen and the popsicle. Carmen turns off the screen. CARMEN: Oh my god. Cut to Neptune High School, outside. Veronica and Mac walk along. VERONICA: So the thing is figuring out if any passports were sold on any of these auction sites and shipped anywhere near Neptune. MAC: Man, Veronica. Have you ever asked for help for anything normal? VERONICA: What fun would that be? MAC: All right, well, I'll get back to you. VERONICA: Thanks a zillion, Mac. Mac goes into the school as Veronica pauses outside, seeing Carmen wrapped in Tad's arms. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So Carmen's back with Tad. It's either that or he sends the video to the whole school. Weevil, Felix and a few of the other bikers pass Veronica. WEEVIL: Now that's a shame. Neighbourhood girl like that, wasting her assets on a white boy. FELIX: Isn't that that chick you had a crush on in eighth grade? Too bad you ain't rich. And white. 'Cause damn is she fine. In another area, there is a poster for: Get Marooned, Junior/Senior Prom, $75/ticket, $150/couple. Seth gazes up at it then turns to speak to a fat girl. SETH: Get marooned. Great. Another island-centric prom theme. Another year of double digit IQed jocks laughing at their own jokes about getting laid as freshman hula girls put flowers around their necks. Tad, Carmen and Tad's friend overhear. TAD: I don't see anybody forcing you to buy tickets, queer-bait. SETH: I'm sorry, am I giving away your best material, uh? TAD'S FRIEND: Isn't the, uh, gay prom next Friday in the Dog Beach men's room? Approaching Tad and slapping his arm. SETH: So I guess I'll see you there, sailor. A crowd is starting to form and they laugh. Tad gets in Seth's face. TAD: What'd you just say to me, Boy George? SETH: Come on. The Navy? "Cover my back, wingman!" "The rear admiral wants us to pound away with the ten-inch gun!" I mean, isn't just joining the Navy alone gay enough to get you thrown out of the Navy. More laughter. Tad has no answer. TAD: The prom is supposed to be for traditional couples, man. TAD'S FRIEND: Oh, come on. What's more traditional than fairies and fat chicks? That hits Seth a bit and the crowd laughs. Someone gives a "ooo" as in suggesting a knockout punch. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Now why would Carmen want to dump such a charmer? Cut to later. Carmen and Veronia walk along in the school grounds. CARMEN: One day and I already feel like I need a long hot shower. I don't know how long I can keep this up. VERONICA: What you need is an exit strategy. CARMEN: You know what's going to happen, Veronica? I gonna end up a downloadable national joke. You know, right up there with Paris Hilton or that "Star Wars" kid. I-I'll be the video that everyone emails their friends, you know, just google popsicle girl and there I'll be for the rest of human history. And I can't stop him. VERONICA: Unless you had something that would ruin Tad back. You know, get your own A-bomb and it prevents him from launching a first strike. Mutually Assured Destruction. CARMEN: You're not gonna find any dirt on Tad, if that's what you mean. VERONICA: Beyond his penchant for amateur underage pornography? Leave that to me. I just need to know that you're willing to get your hands a little dirty. If it makes you feel any better, he didn't really leave you much of a choice. They pause. CARMEN: Tad used to be different. I mean, he was the first boyfriend I ever had. He was the first guy I ever slept with. VERONICA: First guy who got you drunk and took dirty pictures of you. You still want to date him? Then let's get this over with. CARMEN: What do I do? VERONICA: You invite Tad for a romantic afternoon on the Neptune boardwalk. Cut to the LeBaron pulling into Weevil's uncle's yard. Weevil walks up as Veronica gets out of the car. WEEVIL: What are you doin' here? You miss me? VERONICA: Alternator trouble. Think your uncle can return the LeBaron to all its original glory? WEEVIL: He could get it ready for Daytona if you pay him enough. VERONICA: That won't be necessary. Weevil pulls her aside. WEEVIL: Come 'ere. The word is the Kanes are offering a nice little reward to find Duncan. VERONICA: You pick up some leads when you broke into the Kane house or were you just covering your tracks? You used me. WEEVIL: Yeah, well. We're always owing each other favours, aren't we? Don't give me that look. If you really thought I'd hurt Lilly you'd have a homing device on my ass already. I just heard something I thought might be worth, say, uh, 10% of your finder's fee. VERONICA: Ten per cent? Depends on what that something it. WEEVIL: How 'bout a certain spoiled white boy bought a crapped out Impala from my uncle's friend a few weeks back. VERONICA: Eight per cent, if it pans out and you throw in that alternator. WEEVIL: All right. Veronica walks out of the yard just as Logan's SUV pulls up outside. She is on the phone. VERONICA: Hey, Dad, you got a pen? [Pause] A '69 Impala. California license plate 6GU C788. [Veronica, wedging the phone between her ear and her shoulder, lets herself into Logan's car]] And he bought it for eight hundred cash a couple weeks ago. Right. Bye. LOGAN: It's always business with you. Cut to the Echolls house as Veronica and Logan, wrapped in a kiss, burst in. Still kissing, Logan swirls Veronica around and into the room. She laughs, they kiss a little more, then break. LOGAN: So the place is ours. Dad's at class [kissing her forehead] and Trina's at an extremely important purse store opening in Beverley Hills[kisses her cheeck]. VERONICA: Your Dad is taking classes? Logan pulls away. LOGAN: Yeah, [gestures] exploring the world outside himself. [Heading for the mantelpiece] All part of the [he combines a throw and a kick to emphasise] new Aaron Echolls. Spanish, ceramics, Tae Kwan Doe and today, [reaches and leans against the mantelpiece] glass blowing with Silvio Pirelli, [looking at a glass piece on the mantelpiece] master of Old World crystal. [Veronica has followed him and reaches the mantelpiece, staring at the glassware] Nice, huh? Just two lessons. VERONICA: And he made a bong? LOGAN: An urn for my mom. You know since there was no body and thus no ashes, he filled it with sea water, 'cause she jumped into the ocean, get it? [Moving forward to put his hands on Veronica's waist.] At least it gets him out of the house. They kiss and spin again, this time into the middle of the room. Veronica laughs and they move towards the couch. They pause. VERONICA: Hey, do you think this thing�will ever get more normal? Logan kisses her cheek then leads her to the couch. Veronica drops her bag and they both sink onto the sofa, facing each other. LOGAN: What, like will we ever hang at the mall and hold hands and buy each other teddy bears with hearts that say "I wuv you bear-y much"? VERONICA: Yes, exactly that. Except I want my bear won through some sort of demonstration of ring tossing ability. LOGAN: [Softly] Well, secrets are kinda hot, too. Logan leans in to kiss her, pauses, then darts forward for her lips as he bends her down into the couch, Veronica's arms going around Logan. A few seconds of heavy making out is interrupted by the sound of Aaron clearing his throat. They both look up, gasp and Logan stumbles off the couch as Veronica sits up. Aaron is bringing in a bag of groceries. AARON: Oh, I'm sorry. Well, I didn't realise you had company. Hello, Veronica. Veronica gives an embarrassed little wave. LOGAN: I thought you were out. AARON: Yeah, well, Silvio cancelled so I, [takes parcel from grocery bag] I grabbed some swordfish, I thought I'd try that Lime Tequila Marinade. [Puts parcel in fridge] You know, uh, I think I'll get out of your guy's hair, uh, there's chips if you're hungry. Blue corn, really good. Aaron backs out. Logan, leaning over the back of one of a pair of armchairs, puts his head in his hands. LOGAN: Oh my God. Did I just get caught by my dad making out on the couch? VERONICA: Yeah, you got caught by your dad. I got caught by the star of "Breaking Point" and "Beyond the Breaking Point". That's weird. [Feeling her teeth with her lips] Um, and I have lipstick on my teeth. Veronica stands and heads for the bathroom. Logan watches her go and expels his breath. In the bathroom, Veronica checks her face and exits, just as the doorbell ring. She pauses when she hears Aaron's voice. Aaron enters with Dick and Beaver. AARON: Logan! Look who showed up. Dick and, um� BEAVER: Ah, Kes. DICK: Beaver. LOGAN: [Standing] Beav! DICK: This is why you couldn't surf? You had something to do on the couch? Dick and Beaver sit in the armchairs as Veronica backs away. LOGAN: I'm sorry, dude, [gazes in Veronica's direction] I just� Dick spots Veronica's bag. DICK: Dude, you got a chick here? LOGAN: No, that's Trina's. She's without her lip gloss. It's possible she's suffering out there. Aaron, who can see Veronica, sees her slip out another way and grasps the situation quickly. He reaches for the bag. AARON: Oh, right, and, uh, I'm supposed to take that to her. A look of understanding passes. LOGAN: Yeah. Actually I was-I was going to go with you. DICK: Dude, no way! You already blew us off in the water. [Logan stares longingly at the direction his father is walking] We got business to discuss. This weekend. Mexico. Annual surf and chick fest. [Veronica, now in another room, listens uncomfortably] Beav talked to these cheerleaders� BEAVER: Yeah, it turns out they have a retreat outside Rosarito and they just got second in this regional contest. DICK: Beers, waves and weak-willed cheerleaders right next door. LOGAN: [Softly and without enthusiasm] Sweet. Aaron reaches Veronica, holding her bag. AARON: Looks like Logan is gonna be stuck for a while. [Offers up the bag] Ride home? Veronica nods. Cut to Aaron's car. The music is Lobo's "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo". SONG: Me and you and a dog named Boo, Travellin' and livin' off the land. Me and you and a dog named Boo, How I love bein' a free man. Now, I can still recall the wheat fields of Saint Paul, And the mornin' we got caught robbin' from an old hen. Old MacDonald made us work, but then he paid us for what it was worth, Another tank of gas and back on the road again. Me and you and a dog named Boo, Travellin' and livin' off the land. Me and you and a dog named Boo, How I love bein' a free man. Now, I'll never forget that day we motored stately into big L.A. The lights of the city put settlin' down in my brain. Though it's only been a month or so� Veronica sits in embarrassed silence as Aaron drives. AARON: So, how are you Veronica? VERONICA: Embarrassed. [Gives a little laugh] Uncomfortable. AARON: Ohh, don't be. I was a teenager once. Th-the thing I really want to ask�how's Logan. VERONICA: I think he's�coming to terms. AARON: He was such a good kid. When Lilly died, he became� VERONICA: Difficult? AARON: [Laughs] Well, maybe it's in the genes. I can be difficult from time to time. But whatever, I don't know if you guys are serious or, um, casual or, or just talking but [touching the side of his nose] your secret's safe with me, you know? Look, I just appreciate whatever you're doing to help him through it. VERONICA: Sure. The car pulls up at the side of the road. VERONICA: Thanks. AARON: Veronica. She pauses. AARON: I'm glad you two are together. I like what I see in him when he's with you. Veronica smiles and gets out of the car and Aaron drives off. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The talk with Dad. I guess that means my relationship with Logan is officially off the ground. Just in time for Tad and Carmen's relationship to crash and burn on the boardwalk. Cut to Tad and Carmen on the boardwalk. The music is "Finding Out True Love Is Blind" by Louis XIV. SONG: Ah chocolate girl, you're looking like something I want Ah and your little Asian friend well she can come if she wants I want all the self conscious girls who try to hide who they are with makeup You know it's the girl with a frown with the tight pants I really want to shake up Hey, carrot juice, I wanna squeeze you away until you bleed (finding out true love is blind) And your vanilla friend, well she looks like something I need (finding out true love is blind) Wind me up and make you crawl to me Tie me up until you call to me Wind you up and make you crawl to me Tie you up until you call to me Wind you up and make you crawl to me Tie you up until you call to me Ah brown girl with those with the hot pants shaking that thing on the street (finding out true love is blind) Yeah and the short girls with the way they crawl knocks me off my feet (finding out true love is blind) And all the tough girls who never want me to see them cry (finding out true love is blind) (finding out true love is blind) Tad hands Carmen some cotton candy. He sips from a straw in a plastic cup he holds. TAD: Jeez! How much vodka did you put in this thing? They pick out some headgear and take them up to the Viking-helmeted vendor. VENDOR: Hi. They pay and head for a photo booth. Tad, in a bee hat and Carmen with flower face pose in the booth as the camera clicks. Later, along the boardwalk, Carmen stops outside a tattoo parlour. CARMEN: How much do you love me? Cut to later. Tad's shirt is tied round his waist, leaving him in his wifebeater. He has a square of gauze taped to the back of his shoulder. TAD: I don't know what it is about you Carmen that makes me feel plumb loco. CARMEN: Do you wanna try something really crazy? I want you to go talk with Seth. Carmen looks over his shoulder and Tad turns to see Seth walking along the boardwalk. TAD: Why do you need fashion advice? CARMEN: I heard from that drama chick, Gina that he has the best X in school. I don't know, I thought, maybe on prom night, you'd wanna experiment with me after the dance? TAD: This is why I love you. [Kisses her] Be right back. Carmen's smile drops when Tad leaves her. Cut to Tad walking across an area free of other people. Tad runs to catch him. TAD: Hey, Seth, hey�ah� Tad grasps Seth's hand in a handshake. Veronica, complete with a baseball cap pulled low, takes photos of the encounter from the car. Cut to her bedroom. The photos are on her screen. VERONICA: All we need now is a soundtrack. [To Carmen, nervously standing] Be natural. Be intimate and let Tad do the talking, [hands her a phone which is attached to the computer] he will tie his own noose, guaranteed. [Carmen punches in the number] Home stretch, girlfriend. CARMEN: Hey, Tad. I had such a great time today. Cut to Tad, still in wifebeater, sitting up on his bed. TAD: Me too, baby. I wish I had you here right now though in my bed. I can't wait until after prom for our little, ah, erotic experiment. Cut back to Carmen. CARMEN: I had no idea that you'd be so into dropping X together. TAD: [Offscreen] Are you kidding me? Cut back to Tad. TAD: I've always been curious. Yeah, I was just always worried about my parents, you know, or the Naval Academy. They'd kick me out if they ever found out. Cut back to Carmen. CARMEN: Well you sure you're ready for me? Cut back to Tad. TAD: Big time. Cut back to Carmen. CARMEN: Nighty night. She turns off the phone and turns to Veronica. CARMEN: So how was that? VERONICA: That was a little scary. So remember, we'll meet for lunch tomorrow? And don't forget Tad. Cut to Veronica in the kitchen as Keith briskly enters their apartment. KEITH: Hi honey. VERONICA: Good news, it's Chicken Kiev night and this time- KEITH: Next time. [Carrying his bag] I gotta run. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The mystery bag. On a Tuesday? My own dad has lost total libidinal control. VERONICA: Are you sure? There are some important teen issues we could discuss. KEITH: Ooh, the car Duncan bought? Just got a tip. It was spotted outside Tijuana. Yale, baby. Keith exits as Veronica stares after him. Cut to Tijuana, with various street scenes. KEITH: [Offscreen] He's in room what? In the middle? Cut to Keith handing cash to a man. INFORMANT: Mucho. KEITH: Gracias. INFORMANT: Andale. The man walks away and Keith heads towards some small houses, outside of which is parked a beat up Impala. Cut inside one of the houses as Keith knocks from outside. KEITH: [Offsceen and in hokey Mexican accent] Room service. [Entering] It's about time you came home, Dunc- The naked woman in the bed gasps and tightens the covers around her. KEITH: Duncan, what are you� A man comes out of another room, putting on his shirt. It is the shirt of a policeman. The man looks at Keith quizzically. KEITH: The, uh, car out front, the Impala? MEXICAN POLICEMAN: Eh, Impala, si. Is yours? Cut to Keith driving back, speaking to Veronica on the cell phone. KEITH: It's a bust, sweetie. The car was abandoned outside the bus station, a case of beer in the seat and a sign in Spanish saying: Free Car. A decoy. Maybe Duncan's smarter than I was giving credit. Cut to Veronica in the hallway at Neptune High. VERONICA: Well he did ace his PSATs. So I'll see you at home for dinner? KEITH: [Offscreen] Raincheck, honey. Alicia and I- VERONICA: Are going out, right. I'll see ya when I see ya. Veronica closes the phone and enters a classroom. VERONICA: You busy? Mac is alone in the room, gazing at a computer screen. MAC: Still working on that passport thing. Check it out. I just found Mr Heinrich's posting on the Neptune Swingles site. Veronica leans forward to see. VERONICA: Ooo, Larry, bowm-chicka-bow-bow. Mac laughs. MAC: What do you need? VERONICA: Ah, along the same lines. How long does it take you to create a highly incriminating, thoroughly libellous, sexually explicit website? MAC: Uh... forty-five minutes, give or take? I'll get started on it as I'm done reading about how Mr Heinrich's interests include [reading] horseback riding on the beach, hot tubbing with special friends and [air quotes with her fingers, replicating what's onscreen] "sensual" charades. VERONICA: Oh, thanks Mac. That's a mental image I'll carry with me to the grave. Seth comes up behind Veronica and glances at the screen. SETH: Is that my math teacher? VERONICA: [Handing her an envelope] Here's the ammo. Seth here will help you with the rest. Seth and Mac smile at each other and return their attention to the screen as Veronica exits. Cut to later. Tad approaches Veronica and Carmen, sitting on a bench, waiting for him. TAD: What are you doing here? VERONICA: I'm here to offer you a deal. TAD: I want my cell phone back. VERONICA: Course. [SCENE_BREAK] Veronica takes the smashed phone, kept together in a plastic bag, out of her bag and tosses it to Tad. VERONICA: Next order of business, you and Carmen are broken up, effective immediately. TAD: Whoa, what about yesterday? The boardwalk? My tattoo? CARMEN: It's called pretending. I don't love you anymore. And you can't blackmail me into it. TAD: Look Carmen, I swear, I never wanted to hurt you. You made me do it. And look, if you make me do it again- VERONICA: She'll hurt you worse. Veronica opens her laptop and sets it on the bench. Tad's awful singing sounds out from a webpage, "Our Precious Secret". SONG: Our mothers and fathers just can't understand. So we follow the rainbow, to an uncharted land. Then you'd be my sunshine on a rainy afternoon- Two photos of Tad and Seth predominate. The filmstrip taken at the photo booth has been doctored to replace Carmen's head with Seth's. TAD: What's that? VERONICA: It's Seth'S web page devoted to your forbidden love. Beautiful song you wrote for him. TAD: It's a bunch of crap. You guys just faked that with Photoshop. No one's gonna believe this. VERONICA: Huh? Oooh. Veronica teases the pointer down to the symbol. SETH: [From the computer screen] Hey, Tad. TAD: [From the computer screen] I can't wait until after prom for our little, ah, erotic experiment. SETH: [From the computer screen] Why didn't you tell me you were into guys? TAD: [From the computer screen] Are you kidding me? I've always been curious. Yeah, I was just always worried about my parents, you know, or the Naval Academy. They'd kick me out if they ever found out. Veronica switches off the screen. CARMEN: Seen enough? TAD: Whatever, who cares about what this school thinks about me. I'm gone in a month. VERONICA: Actually, I was able to get the email addresses of every Plebe at Annapolis. On press of a button and each of your new classmates will have the link to this very special website. The navy's got that don't ask, don't tell thing. If we tell, they're gonna ask. Mutually assured destruction. Think hard, Tad. Veronica stands and passes Tad. TAD: Look, Carmen. CARMEN: I don't ever want to speak to you again. Carmen walks past him as he stares after her. Cut to Veronica, standing in a queue for the school bus. LOGAN: [Offscreen] Ah, mass transit. Veronica looks up to see Logan, sitting on the bonnet of the LeBaron, swinging its keys in his hand. LOGAN: But why take the bus when you can drive your very own rustbucket? I had my dad's driver pick it up. [Knocks on the bonnet] Full of fresh stolen parts, ready to go. He throws her the keys and she catches them. She joins him on the bonnet. VERONICA: Wow, I'll just try to keep this little gesture in mind this weekend when you and Dick and the Beaver are off getting blasted and scamming cheerleaders. LOGAN: Yeah...yeah. Actually, I had to tell Dick I'm not available, 'cause I have other plans. VERONICA: There are cheerleaders with low self-esteem available domestically? LOGAN: Are you free Friday? Maybe we could go out. VERONICA: Here? In Neptune? What about our little secret? LOGAN: Well, [sliding off the car] I thought we'd try a practice run in Catalina Island. So what do you think about us skipping school on Friday for a little ride on Dad's boat? Dinner and a movie? VERONICA: I'll pencil you in. LOGAN: So it's, uh...what is the word? A date? VERONICA: Nice of your dad to let us use his boat. LOGAN: Yeah, yeah, I think he actually likes you. When he heard that stuff about your parents, I think he felt- VERONICA: What? What stuff? DICK: [Offscreen] Logan! Logan and Veronica look over towards Logan's parked car where Dick and Beaver are waiting. DICK: What the hell, man? LOGAN: Just, uh, there was something in the paper he saw, I don't know. Logan heads for his car. Turning and walking backwards, he holds his hand out to indicate the number five, smiling. LOGAN: So tennish, Albacore Club, slip five. He walks away as Veronica smiles. Cut to her desk at Mars Investigations. She is searching through papers. She eventually finds a legal notice: Notice of Service. Seeking Lianne Mars. Please contact this number immediately, legal proceedings have begun in your name. 555-0166. VERONICA: Oh my god. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Seeking Lianne Mars. Please contact this number immediately. Legal proceedings have begun in your name. Veronica picks up the phone and dials. Cut to Loretta Cancun at the Sheriff's Department. She is not happy and letting Cliff know it. LORETTA: I know what entrapment is. CLIFF: Actually, Loretta, I don't think you do. [His cell rings and he answers] Yeah, it's Cliff. Yes, I'm always available for you. LORETTA: This is entrapment. Oh, and if that's Tamara, tell that bitch she can beg all she wants, I'm testifying. CLIFF: Miss Cancun, please, you're not helping yourself. Cut to a worried looking Veronica. CLIFF: [Offscreen] Veronica, what do you need? VERONICA: Why would someone place a notice of legal proceedings in the classified section? Cut back to Cliff. CLIFF: Well, it could be anything. Could you be more specific? Cut back to Veronica. VERONICA: Like, say, a man seeking the whereabouts of a woman. Cut back to Cliff. CLIFF: Could be child support, uh, civil suit, divorce. [To Loretta regarding paperwork he has glanced through] You just sign right here dear. Cut back to Veronica, distraught.. VERONICA: Divorce? Cut back to Cliff. He reads what Loretta has put on the form. CLIFF: "Screw you, pig." Nice. Okay, like a big girl now? Loretta casts him a filthy look. CLIFF: [To Veronica] Yeah, California law, you have to run a notice for� Cut to Veronica, now wide-eyed with panic. CLIFF: [Offscreen] �seven days before you can file for divorce on grounds� Cut back to Cliff. Loretta starts throwing things. CLIFF: �of abandonment- Cliff sighs heavily. CLIFF: I gotta run, V. Cliff puts down the phone and stares balefully at Loretta. Cut back to Veronica. She pulls up the Neptune Register on her screen and counts the number of ads. They appear from 21 to 26 April. VERONICA VOICEOVER: One, two, three, four, five, six. One more day before whatever is happening happens and Lianne Mars returns clean and sober to a home that no longer has a place for her. Veronica picks up the phone again. TELEPHONE: Classifieds. VERONICA: Hi. This is Veronica, Keith Mars' assistant who placed a legal notice at the start of the week. Well, Mr Mars' legal situation has changed and he won't be needing to run the ad tomorrow. TELEPHONE: Good thing you called, we're an hour from deadline. Uh, if you could just confirm Mr Mars' address, credit information and Mr Mars' account password, we'll take care of that for you. VERONICA: [Whispers] Account password. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Of course, they have to have something sensible like a password to prevent people like me from doing what I'm trying to do. TELEPHONE: Miss- Veronica hangs up. She thinks for a moment, then races out. Cut to Veronica in the car. The tracker is working. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I might feel a little uncomfortable about tracking my dad's cell phone if he hadn't done it to me first. It leads her to the Hotel Dunes. VERONICA VOICEOVER: A hotel. Great. Suddenly I'm feeling a little queasy. Cut to the hotel receptionist dealing with Veronica's enquiry. HOTEL RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry. We have no one under Mars or Fennel staying with us. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And trying all the Mr and Mrs Smiths is out of the question? VERONICA: Thanks anyway. Veronica turns away, dejected. As she leaves, she hears Louis Armstrong singing "Our Love Is Here to Stay" from one of the function rooms and goes to the door. A number of couples are ballroom dancing, including Keith and Alicia, who are enjoying themselves immensely. SONG: In time the Rockies may crumble, Gibraltar may tumble They're only made of clay. But our love is here to stay. Ella Fitzgerald picks up in the duet as Veronica, upset, stares at Keith and Alicia. SONG: It's very clear, our love is here to stay. Not for a year but ever and a day� VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay, Dad, I get it. You're happy. Veronica turns and walks away. Cut to Neptune High. Veronica joins Carmen. VERONICA: Good morning. CARMEN: It is good, isn't it. As they pass a group of guys, one of them calls out. JERK: Hey, Carmen! Carmen and Veronica stop and face the group. CARMEN: Hi. JERK: I was wondering if you were hungry. CARMEN: No. He pulls a popsicle out from behind him. JERK: 'Cause I thought you might want to suck on my popsicle. The guys laugh. Carmen and Veronica are both horrified. VERONICA: Tad pressed the button. Cut to Weevil, Felix and some of the bikers walking along the hall inside the school. Felix is watching Carmen's video on his cell phone. CARMEN AUDIO: What if somebody catches us? TAD AUDIO: No one is gonna catch us. FELIX: No way! Man you really did miss out. That Carmen is freaky. Weevil grabs the phone out of Felix's hand. WEEVIL: [Angry] Hey, what's wrong with you, man, where'd this come from. Cut to Veronica walking into a nearly deserted classroom. Carmen is crying, her head buried in her arms on one of the desks. Veronica sits next to her. VERONICA: Hey. I saw your car was still in the lot. CARMEN: I was waiting for the rest of school to leave so that I could�sneak home without being assailed with any frozen desserts. Although, I'm sure my parents have already seen the video by now, so I'm not exactly sure where I'm planning to hide. Somewhere they don't have computers. VERONICA: I can't believe he did it. CARMEN: Imagine my surprise. You know what? Screw it. I'm still glad that I dumped that idiot loser�crapface. I'd rather the whole world think I'm trashy than have a guy like Tad think he can push me around. At least now it's over. No more waiting for the bomb to drop. VERONICA: That's right. No more waiting. Time to strike back. Veronica unfolds her laptop on the desk. It is set up to send emails to 1032 recipients. CARMEN: Mutually assured destruction. VERONICA: The honour's yours. Carmen uses the pad to move the cursor to the forward button. She shakes her head and moves it to delete. She deletes the em CARMEN: Thanks anyway. VERONICA: You can't let him get away with it. CARMEN: Tearing Tad down isn't gonna make me feel any better. Carmen stands and goes to leave. VERONICA: Carmen, I can't stress enough- She looks back at Veronica. CARMEN: Sorry, Veronica, I guess revenge just isn't my thing. Veronica stares after her as she departs. She closes her laptop then hears Carmen's audio coming from the other side of the room. CARMEN AUDIO: What if somebody catches us? Two young kids are watching and giggling over the video. TAD AUDIO: No one is gonna catch us. Veronica marches over to them and leans down behind them. VERONICA: It's all fun and games until one of you gets my foot up your ass. The kids are scared and scramble. KID: [Whispers] Come on, let's go. Veronica sits down in front of the screen as Carmen laughs and moans. She watches a little and is shocked by what she see. VERONICA: Oh my god. Behind Carmen and her popsicle can be seen a string of outdoor lights. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I remember those stars and Chinese lamps. In fact, they're about the only things I remember from that night. A year and a half ago. Shelly Pomeroy had a party. Flashback to Veronica, drugged, passing the hot tub as she makes her way to the sun lounger. Cut back to Veronica. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Could it be the night Carmen gave her boyfriend a s*x show in the hot tub that she can't remember was the same night that I was drugged and raped in a guest bedroom? Cut to Mars Investigations. Veronica enters and sees Keith, sitting at her desk. The paper is still opened at the classifieds as she left it the night before. KEITH: I know I should have told you. VERONICA: No. Your life is your business. KEITH: I just felt after a year of not knowing I wanted options. If I ever decided to move on, serving notice is just a first step and if I think I might take another�no more surprises, I promise. VERONICA: I just want you to be happy, Dad, and I realise that may involve surprises. Keith smiles and heads into his office. Veronica lets out a deep breath. From behind her, Mac enters the office. MAC: Roberto Nalbandion. VERONICA: Who's Roberto Nalbandion? MAC: I have no idea. VERONICA: Okay, forgive me if as of yet, I'm unimpressed. MAC: I don't know who he is but I do know that someone purchased his Argentinean passport off of eBay and had it shipped to the airport at Marriott. Keith, interested, wanders back into the main office. VERONICA: Dad, this is Mac. She knows her way around a computer. Mac, my dad. MAC: Hi. KEITH: Hi, so. Argentina. [With South American flair] Roberto Nalbandion. [To the sound of a flamenco guitar, Keith tangos back into his office] It's great. Mac and Veronica laugh. Veronica heads round to her side of the desk. MAC: So, the bounty on Duncan, what's my share? Eight, ten. Veronica holds out a $10 bill. VERONICA: Ten, but you drive a hard bargain. MAC: I meant percent. VERONICA: You'll get your cut. New question. Is there anyway to figure out when a video was recorded on someone's cell phone? MAC: Sure, every MPEG has an embedded time stamp. VERONICA: Okay. Carmen's video. I've got it up on the screen. MAC: Sure. No problem. Mac joins Veronica on her side of the desk and sits at the screen. She punches a few keys and pull up the details of the video: popsicleKisses.mov. Kind - Quick Time Movie, Size - 7MB on disk (7,427,697 bytes), Where - Desktop, Cases Carmen, Created: Sunday, December 7, 2003 3:23 AM, Modified - Sunday, April 24, 2005 8:33 PM. MAC: It says the image was captured at 3:23am, December 7th 2003. I can't believe that butthead sent it out. [Looking up, noticing the shock on Veronica's face] What, does that date mean something? VERONICA: [Lying] Nothing. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Only that Carmen and I don't remember the same night. Cut to Alicia at Kane Software. She is talking to Keith on her cell as she walks. ALICIA: No, I just have a meeting. [Checks her watch] Well, you have until 5:30 to decide chicken or fish otherwise you lose your right to complain. Bye Keith. She switches off the phone and enters a conference room. The room is dark. ALICIA: You wanted to see me, Mr� Wiedman is sitting at the top of a large table, in the shadows. WIEDMAN: Clarence Wiedman. I'm with security here, Mrs Fennel. I wanted to talk to you about Keith Mars. ALICIA: What? WIEDMAN: I know you've been seeing Mr Mars for the past couple months. What you may not know; he is a man with a known grudge against the Kane family and this company. I'm gonna have to ask you to stop seeing him if you wanna avoid problems with your job here. ALICIA: Look, Mr Weed, or wh-whatever your name is. I have been a perfect employee since the moment I stepped through that door and I have never done anything to raise questions as to my dedication to my job. The idea that you can tell me what I can and can't do with my personal life�well, Clarence� He holds up something. WIEDMAN: Mrs Fennel. You know what this is? This is an electronic eavesdropping device. A bug. I found it in that houseplant [points behind him] which has been in my office for the last several weeks. You know who delivered it? [Alicia shakes her head] Your son, Wallace. Like I said. You really might want to reconsider your relationship with Mr Mars. Cut to early morning at Neptune High. Veronica is in jeans, ready for her day on the boat with Logan. She walks across the deserted outside area. VERONICA VOICEOVER: An hour early to school is pretty brown-nosey, but even at Neptune yachting is not a recognized excuse for a late English report. She slows when she spots Tad, naked, duct taped to the flagpole as Wallace was in the pilot. He has the word "Scum" across his chest. VERONICA: How's it hangin', Tad? Let me guess: uncomfortable? TAD: I guess you and Carmen got those bikers to put me up here. VERONICA: I had nothing to do with putting you up here. But [reaches into her back pocket and pulls out her knife] I might be convinced to help you get down. TAD: What do you want from me, bitch? You destroyed my life. You took away the only person that I ever loved. VERONICA: I don't recall forcing you to send that video. TAD: No, she did. She left me. VERONICA: And what good did sending it do? TAD: Who's gonna wanna touch her now? You know, if I can't have her, no one can. VERONICA: You are so lucky she has a better soul than I do because I would have taken you down with me. TAD: So what are you gonna cut me down if I apologise, is that it? VERONICA: Nope. [Getting up on the plinth] I just want a simple answer to a simple question. Who gave you the rohypnol the night of Shelly Pomeroy's party. Yeah, I know. You roofied your girlfriend. "Class" with a capital "K". TAD: I-I don't remember. VERONICA: In about five minutes, people are gonna start showing up for school and unless you want your [points with her knife hand at his genitals] little business to be the first thing they see, you're gonna tell me who gave you the roofies. TAD: There weren't any roofies. It was GHB. It was Logan Echolls. He gave it to me. Veronica is shocked and temporarily frozen. After a moment, she walks behind Tad. TAD: Oh, thank you. VERONICA: This might sting a bit. Veronica pulls the gauze from the back of Tad's shoulder. Tad groans. Veronica, leaving him duct taped to the flagpole, leaves. TAD: Look, Veronica. Come back here. [Shouts] Veronica, please! Don't do this. Oh, this isn't over, Veronica Mars! The camera closes in on the tattoo, a large heart with the name Seth across it. Cut to Logan on the boat at the Albacore. "Crimson and Clover" by Tommy James and the Shondells plaintively sounds. SONG: Ahh, and I don't hardly know her But I think I could love her Crimson and clover Yeah, my mind's such a sweet thing I wanna do everything What a beautiful feeling Crimson and clover Over and over Logan is watching out for Veronica. He checks his watch and lets out a deep breath of frustration. He goes to the back of the boat where he has set up champagne and some food. He opens the champagne, anger showing in his face and takes a large swig once the fizz that covers his hand dies back. He sets the bottle on the table and sits back on the seat. The camera pulls back. Logan is very alone. End.
Plan: A: Carmen's boyfriend; Q: Who is Tad? A: a compromising video; Q: What does Tad use to blackmail Carmen? A: Veronica; Q: Who does Carmen turn to for help when Tad blackmails her? A: logic; Q: What does Veronica use to solve Carmen's problem? A: emotion; Q: What is Tad's problem based on? A: GHB; Q: What drug did Tad use on Carmen? A: Logan; Q: Who did Tad get the drug from? A: her rape; Q: What did Veronica do at Shelly Pomroy's party? Summary: When Carmen's boyfriend Tad blackmails her using a compromising video, Carmen turns to Veronica for help. Veronica devises a logical way to solve Carmen's problem, but Tad is functioning on emotion rather than logic. Tad admits to Veronica that he used GHB on Carmen, and that he received the drug from Logan. Veronica is shocked, as it was the same drug used on her before her rape at Shelly Pomroy's party.
At Sean's house, Ellie and Sean are sleeping on the couch Ellie: Sean! Sean! Sean: (looks at the time) Oh! Wow. Ellie: Double wow. I'm late! Home by eleven does not mean AM. Did you turn the ringer off? I need a cab, I need $10 to pay for a cab. Sean: The ringers on, nobody's called. Ellie: My mom probably lost your number or fell asleep watching the same lame movie we did. Sean: Snuggling up with a few empty bottles... Ellie: I'm not talking about this. Sean: You know you're welcome here. Ellie: Let's see if I'm even allowed back. Sean: I meant to stay...yeah as in to move in. At Ashley's locker Ellie: What you just forgot to put any on? Ashley: Left mine at my mom's, didn't want to use my dad's sport scent or his boyfriend's mountain race. Ellie: Men's deodorant gives me a rash. Ashley: Yeah well you know what else gives me a rash is that my dad's bringing his boyfriend to the open house today. Ellie: Imagine the rash I got when Sean asked me to move in...this morning. Ashley: What? Ellie: Move in. Co-habituate. Live in sin. Ashley: You can't! Ellie: My mom isn't doing so well. It's pretty bad. Ashley: And how's Sean? (Ellie smiles and nods.) Ashley: Was it good enough to risk giving your mom a heart attack? In the foyer at school Manny: Hey Spinner! (Spinner doesn't say anything) Boy it's nice to see you too Manny, have a good day! (Manny keeps walking then turns around.) Manny: Hey, you wanna earn some major points by helping with Paige's spirit squad carwash? Spinner: Paige sort of owes me the major points these days. Manny: Okay so why not earn major points with me then? Paige is off sick with the flu. Spinner: Yeah I know. Manny: So I'm in charge and honestly I need help. We need to earn a lot of money to get those new uniforms. Spinner: So you think it would help if I wash cars in my wet t-shirt? Manny: No I want you to play! With your band, you idiot! No, you guys would attract so much attention. Spinner: Yeah but the Squash isn't my band. You'd have to ask- Manny: Craig. Yeah that'd be just a bit awkward... (Manny gets down on her knees (her usual position).) Manny: Please please please! With ketchup and gravy and big hugs on top?! Spinner: Gravy? I'll see what I can do. Manny: Okay thanks. Oh and get Craig to bring his camera ok? Spinner: Kay! In the auto shop room Sean: Why not!? Ellie: My dad's got six months of service. Sean: So that's six months of homework. That's six months of dinner. Ellie: He's in the middle east Sean! If the call came in he was hurt or worse my mom would... Sean: She'd what? She'd crack open the third bottle for the evening? Ellie: We can dinners okay? Maybe watch some crappy TV but after that... Sean: Let me make it simple. Move in...with someone who loves you. Ellie: I'm sorry. She needs me. Sean: It's finished. Nobody cares about auto shop anyways. In the school during the Open House Mr. Armstrong: No, Emma's doing pretty well. Polynomials can be a bit of a struggle. Spike: Me and math?! Mortal enemies. Emma: You balance your own books at the salon. Don't believe her. Mrs. Nash: Ellie must love your class. All her classes! She spends almost every night at her boyfriend's doing homework. Mr. Simpson: Well uh Media Immersion is a very intense course. The course is centered on- Mrs. Nash: Media? Computers? I get it. Tell me, do you assign every project in pairs? Mr. Simpson: Well no...in fact most of the work is- Mrs. Nash: Thought so. Thanks very much Mr. Stanton. Mr. Simpson: It's Simpson. Mrs. Nash: (laughing) Like the cartoon! That's priceless. In the hall Ashley: Ellie hey! Ellie: Mom, you remember Ashley! Ashley: Mrs. Nash this is my father Robert and his partner. Christopher: Hi I'm Christopher. Mrs. Nash: Partners huh? Do you run a business together or is it pairs figure skating? Mr. Kerwin: We're life partners actually. Mrs. Nash: Oh I know. Must be nice having a man around. My husband's off fighting for his country. Mr. Kerwin: That must be difficult for you and Ellie. Mrs. Nash: Oh you have no idea! Or do they let you people in the military now? You re-decorate the enemy into surrendering! (Laughing) Ellie: Mom. You're tired. We should go. Mrs. Nash: Bye! Mrs. Nash: Oh wait, isn't that your boyfriend? Ellie: It's okay. I'll call him later. Mrs. Nash: Sean isn't it? I was hoping to see you. Sean: It's nice to see you too Mrs. Nash. Mrs. Nash: Your parents...they're not here to see this fine automotive display? Sean: Um. I'm alone. I live alone. Mrs. Nash: Not lately. Ellie: Mom! Mrs. Nash: Midnight study sessions, dawn tutorials. Sometimes I can't remember what Ellie looks like! Ellie: Mom let's go. Sean: Look, I care about her okay? Mrs. Nash: Not okay! (Grabs Ellie's arm and they walk away.) In Craig's garage Craig: 1, 2, 3, 4! (The band starts playing.) Craig: Woah! Woah! Woah! You're coming in way too early. Spinner: Dude how are we supposed to get better if all we do is rehearse?! I mean we should play another gig. Craig: We will! When we're smoking hot! Jimmy: In the twenty-third century! (Craig hits Jimmy) Spinner: Exactly. We need to play smaller gigs to stoke us up to smoking hot. Ashley: Spinner has a point! Spinner: Who asked you?!? What? I mean...yeah...what she said. Sorry. Craig: Alright well I guess we could put a little more pressure on ourselves. Spinner: Yes! That's why I booked us for the school spirit squad carwash this weekend. Marco: What? Woah Spin. We're not ready! Spinner: Dude it's a carwash. We're not opening for Kid Elrick at the Dome. Craig: Alright. We'll take it to a vote. All for the gig? (Spinner, Craig, Ashley raise their hands.) Spinner: All against? (Marco, Jimmy raise their hands.) Spinner: Okay well three to two! Manny will be stoked! Craig & Ashley: Manny?! Jimmy: Speaking of smoking hot! In Ellie's house, the smoke alarm is going off and Ellie runs to the kitchen Ellie: Mom! Mom get up! Get up! Mom get up! (Ellie runs over to the stove and tries to turn it off and burns her hand on the pot and makes the fire even worse.) Ellie: Mom! Get up! (Ellie drags her mom out of the house.) At the hospital Mrs. Nash: I must have taken in a life supply of smoke tonight. I'm not proud right now Ellie. I almost burnt the place down. Don't make this any worse for me. Ellie: I'm exhausted. I have to sleep. Mrs. Nash: Fine. There's a fold out at Elaine's. Ellie: Elaine's? She lives in Fergis! Why do I have to go there?! I hate her! Mrs. Nash: Because I'm still your mother and I said so! Ellie: Okay. But what if I stay over at Ashley's instead...in the city! Mrs. Nash: Well I wouldn't have to drive you into school everyday. Ellie: Exactly what I was thinking. But it's up to you! Whatever you want. Mrs. Nash: Well if it's alright with Ashley's mother it's alright with me...at least until our place is ready! Ellie: I'll go call Ashley right now! At Sean's, Sean opens the front door and Ellie is standing there Ellie: Yesterday you might have mentioned the words 'move in'... Ellie and Sean walking into Sean's house Ellie: Home sweet home. Sean: Closest thing to being at your place. Sean: Looks like my CD collection just doubled. (Sean picks up Ellie's CD case and opens it. It has all of her cutting supplies in it.) Ellie: I was thinking we need a pet. A dog or a parrot or a... Sean: I thought you stopped cutting! Ellie: I did! I just didn't want to leave it there...I wouldn't lie to you about this. Sean: I cleared a drawer. Ellie: You did? Sean: Yeah and some space in the closet and in the medicine cabinet just above the sink. Ellie: Listen. There's something we should- Sean: I know. And it's fine. I'll just sleep on the couch. Ellie: You have a bed. Sean: You just had a fire, so for now I'll just sleep on the couch okay? (They hold hands.) [SCENE_BREAK] At the carwash (Spinner sprays Hazel with the hose.) Hazel: I said stop it! Spinner: What? It wasn't me! New girl. (Points to the new girl Darcy) Darcy: New girl? I prefer Darcy! Spinner: Oh. Okay... Darcy! (Sprays her) Manny: Hey Craig. Thanks for doing this. It's really great. Craig: Anytime Manny. Ashley: Check 1, 2. We have Craig Manning in the house! (Craig leaves Manny and goes over to Ashley.) Spinner: Any more bitter and she'd be a lemon! (Hazel throws a sponge at Spinner and he goes to grab it.) Spinner: You think that's funny?! Manny: No, no! (Spinner and Manny splash around and push each other jokingly while Craig watches.) In the school Marco: But you're alright, right? I mean after breathing in all that smoke. Ellie: I don't have black lung Marco. Marco: And your mom? How's she doing? Ellie: I only have a few mom free days left. If it's okay I'd rather keep it that way. Marco: I'm more interested in you anyway. So okay. First shower at your boyfriends. Were you naked? Ellie: Yeah and alone! Marco: What? Disappointing, but still party worthy! Ellie: Me showering is party worthy? Marco: No but, you being happy is. Plus you're young, cute, clean and black lung free! Ellie: And you're sure Mama Del Rossi will let us have a party? Marco: No but I know Papa Sean will! Back at the carwash, the band is playing Craig: That sucked. Ashley: Keep smiling. No one noticed. (Rick drives up in a car.) Hazel: What are you doing here? Rick: Um helping out my fellow students! Jimmy: What's your problem psycho?! Rick: My mother wants the car washed. Jimmy: Okay well unless you want a wash, I'd bounce! (Rick drives off while Jimmy sprays the back of his car.) Manny: Hey! I never knew what a great drummer you were before. Spinner: I guess it's kind of hard who's me behind the lead singer sometimes. Manny: Not today. Congratulations. Thanks for coming out! (Manny hugs Spinner and puts her snow cone on Spinner's back.) Spinner: That's how you repay me?! (They start running around laughing and grabbing at each other.) Manny: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! (Craig takes a picture of Manny and Spinner looking really close.) At Sean's house, having a party Ashley: Always with the banners Marco. Ellie: Perks of a printer's son. (Marco is taking a bite of guacamole and spits it out and grabs a drink.) Marco: What is this?! Ellie: It's guacamole! Sean made it for me. It's my favorite. He's sweet. Marco: This was rancid! Jay: Nice little house warming. Sean: Whatever. She'll go back in a few days. Maybe this time her mom will burn down the whole place. Alex: Now that would be a house warming. Jay: So it's actually a bon voyage, see you later, thanks for all the s*x party. (Ellie overhears and walks away.) Sean: Ellie! He shouldn't have said that. Ellie: I don't care that he did. I just don't want to go back to her. Sean: Then you don't have to okay? You can stay here. (Ellie's mom walks in.) Mrs. Nash: What is this? Ellie: Mom? Mrs. Nash: Housewarming...I went to Ashley's and her mom told me you haven't been staying there. You've been staying here the whole time haven't you? Haven't you? (Ellie nods.) Mrs. Nash: The cab's waiting. Let's go. Let's go now. Let's go NOW! Sean: Mrs. Nash it's better if Ellie stays here. (Mrs. Nash slaps Sean.) Mrs. Nash: You don't come near me and don't come near my daughter! (Mrs. Nash grabs Ellie and walks away with her.) At Ellie's house in the kitchen all burnt Mrs. Nash: This was a blessing. A blessing! Old furniture, grimy paint... We can start from scratch. What do you think? How about a periwinkle blue in here? Ellie: Mom you slapped my boyfriend. Mrs. Nash: Ellie that boy's no good for you. I know you think it will be hard, that you love him. I know what's best. (Ellie keeps pulling at the elastic on her wrist.) Mrs. Nash: Eleanor, stop doing that! (Ellie opens the CD case and all her cutting materials fall out.) Ellie: Pick one mom! Knife! Razor! Mrs. Nash: What are you doing? What is this? Ellie: What's best for me, mom?! Because if I stay here I'm gonna do it again. You're making me do it again! Mrs. Nash: Ellie... Ellie: This is what it costs! Your drinking made me cut myself! Mrs. Nash: No baby! Oh my god. You need to understand... Ellie: No you have to understand... why I can't keep living with you. Mrs. Nash: No! Oh my god. (Starts crying and sobbing) At the Dot Spinner: Hey. Manny: Hey. Spinner: Are you ready to order? Manny: Um no, actually I'm not eating. I'm just waiting for someone. Spinner: Okay. Who? Manny: Paige. Spinner: Right. Um look I have lots of tables to... Manny: Yeah the excitement from yesterday must have gotten to my head or something. Spinner: Yeah I know the feeling. I wouldn't want you or Paige to think that- (Paige walks over.) Spinner: Paige! Paige: Two people I've literally been dying to see. But now I've risen to thank Manuela Santos, my guardian angel. $800 and our new uniform dream is a reality. Manny: It's no big deal. Paige: Oh and I heard you guys rocked baby. Spinner: I did it all for you. At Sean's house Ellie: She dropped me off. Sean: She drove? Ellie: Sober. Honest. Hopefully will be for the next two months. She's going to rehab and I'm here to stay. If I want to. Do you still want me to? Sean: Yeah! Uh what is that? Ellie: Hold on, hold on! (Ellie puts the cage she'd been holding down and picks up a ferret.) Sean: It's a weasel! Ellie: It's a ferret. I saw him at the pet store and... Sean: Shouldn't we have talked about this first? Ellie: A home isn't a home without a pet!
Plan: A: her mother's drinking; Q: What causes Ellie to choose between staying at home or moving in with Sean? A: home; Q: What does Ellie want to stay in when her mother's drinking gets worse? A: the school's car wash; Q: What is Manny put in charge of when Paige is sick? A: Paige's boyfriend; Q: What is Spinner? Summary: When her mother's drinking grows worse, Ellie has to choose between staying at home or moving in with Sean. Meanwhile, with Paige sick, Manny is put in charge of the school's car wash and grows closer to Paige's boyfriend, Spinner.
Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The Bronze. A girl is screaming. A vampire is advancing on Buffy as she backs into a pole. She throws a solid right to his face followed by a left. The vampire isn't fazed, and he grabs her and throws her onto a pool table. He leans over her to bite. Xander comes up behind the vampire, grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him off of Buffy. Xander: May I cut in? He bashes the vampire's head into the pool table, turns him around and punches him in the gut and the face. The vampire falls to the floor, unconscious. Buffy is impressed and gives him a big smile. Xander offers her his hand to help her off of the pool table. Xander: You alright? Buffy: (exhales) Thanks to you! She slides off of the table and notices Xander's hand. Buffy: You hurt your hand! Will you still be able to... Xander: ...finish my solo and kiss you like you've never been kissed before? He gives her a wink and starts back to the stage. The vampire gets back up and growls at Buffy. Xander sees him, breaks the leg off of a chair that's been knocked over and throws the makeshift stake at the vampire. Buffy watches the stake fly into the vampire's chest, and he falls dead. She turns her gaze back on Xander. He jumps up onto stage and grabs his guitar to continue his solo. Buffy looks up at him adoringly and advances to the stage as he plays. Buffy: You're drooling. Xander gives her a confused look. Cut to science class. It's dark because Dr. Gregory is giving a slide show. Buffy: Xander! He wakes up from his daydream and shakes his head. Buffy indicates the corner of her mouth. Buffy: You've got a little... He picks up on her gesture and quickly wipes the drool off of his mouth and chin. Dr. Gregory: Their ancestors were here long before we were. Their progeny will be here long after we are gone. The simple and ubiquitous ant. He turns off the projector, turns the lights on and begins walking up the aisle. Dr. Gregory: Now. If you read the homework you should know the two ways that ants communicate. He stops at Xander's lab table and leans on it to face Buffy. Dr. Gregory: Miss Summers. Buffy: Ways that ants communicate. Dr. Gregory: (nodding his head) Mm. Buffy: With other ants. Dr. Gregory: From the homework. Willow tries to get Buffy's attention. Dr. Gregory: Ants are communicating... Buffy: (sees Willow's signals) Um, uh, uh... Willow strokes Xander's back, indicating 'touch'. Buffy: Touch... Dr. Gregory: (nodding) Mm-hm. Buffy: And, um... She looks at Willow again. She is sniffing Xander, indicating 'smell'. Buffy: (confused) B.O.? Several students laugh. Willow gives her a disappointed look. Blayne: Thank God someone finally found the courage to mention that! Dr. Gregory: That would be touch and smell, Miss Summers. Is there anything else Miss Rosenberg would like to tell you? Willow quickly turns away in her seat. The bell rings. Dr. Gregory starts to move back to the front of the class. Dr. Gregory: Alright, chapters six through eight by tomorrow, people. (stops and looks back at Buffy) Can I see you for a moment? Buffy nods. Cut to after the other students have left the room. Buffy leans against a lab table. Dr. Gregory idly reviews his slides. Dr. Gregory: I gather you had a few problems at your last school? Buffy: Well, what teenager doesn't? Dr. Gregory: Cut school, get in fights, burn down the gymnasium... Principal Flutie showed me your permanent record. He walks to the front of the class, and Buffy follows him. Buffy: Well, that fire, I mean, there was major extenuating circumstances. Actually, it's, uh, kinda funny! Dr. Gregory: Can't wait to see what you're gonna do *here*. He goes to the closet, gets his other glasses from his coat and cleans them. Buffy: Destructo Girl. That's me. Dr. Gregory: But I suspect it's gonna be great. Buffy: You mean, 'great' in a bad way? Dr. Gregory: (looks at her, then back at his glasses) You have a first- rate mind and you can think on your feet. Imagine what you could accomplish if you actually did the... Buffy: ...the homework thing. Dr. Gregory: The homework thing. I understand you probably have a good excuse for not doing it. (closes the closet and walks back to his lab table) Amazingly enough, I don't care. I know you can excel in this class, and so I expect no less. Is that clear? Buffy: Yeah! Sorry. Dr. Gregory: Don't be sorry, be smart. (looks at another slide) And please don't listen to the principal or anyone else's negative opinion about you. Let's make 'em eat that permanent record. Whadaya say? He looks up at Buffy and gives her a little smile. She smiles back. Buffy: Okay! Thanks. He nods his head. She grabs her bag. Dr. Gregory: Chapters six through eight! Buffy looks back at him with a smile and leaves the classroom. Dr. Gregory puts the slide down, goes over to turn off the lights and comes back to his slide-viewing plate. While he concentrates on the slides, the closet door opens. Cut to a view of Dr. Gregory from the closet. The camera advances on him. Cut in front of him. He's concentrating on the slides. Cut behind him. A large, green mantis claw goes around his neck. Dr. Gregory looks up behind him and screams. The claw drags him off of his chair. His glasses hit the floor and break, and an instant later so does he. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The Bronze. The live band is Superfine, playing "Already Met You". Xander dances lamely through the crowd. Lyrics: The first date's the worst date / It's hard to know just what to do / And I take you to dinner / You don't eat, you just play with your food Xander is on the dance floor and looks around. He makes his way to the stage and gives the singer an acknowledging nod and grin. Lyrics: And there's something familiar... The singer gives him a 'get outta here' look. Lyrics: About every word you say Xander is disappointed and moves away from the stage. Lyrics: It's hard to believe it's happened again / I already met you / And I already met you / You're like my last girlfriend / Yes, and the girlfriend I had before her Xander goes over to the bar where Blayne and his friend are sitting. Blayne: Seven, including Cheryl. I'll tell you, though, her sister was lookin' to make it eight! Boy: Ooo, Cheryl's sister? The one in college? Blayne: (nods) Home for the holidays and lookin' for love! She's not my type, though. Girls really gotta have something to go with me. Xander: (interrupting) Something like a lobotomy? The two boys look at him. Blayne: Xander. How many times you score? Xander: Well, uh... Blayne: It's just a question. Xander: Are we talking today, or the whole week? The two boys snicker. Xander spots Buffy and Willow coming down the stairs. Xander: Ooo! Duty calls! He leaves the bar and approaches the girls as Blayne and his friend watch. Xander: Babes! The girls look back at him. He comes up to them with his arms wide open and grabs them both around the shoulders. Buffy: What are you doing? Xander: (to Buffy) Work with me here. Blayne had the nerve to question my manliness. I'm just gonna give him a visual. Willow: (throws her arms around him tightly) We'll show him! Xander looks back at Blayne, gives him a thumbs up and puts his arm back around Willow. The two boys seem impressed. Buffy: (distracted) I don't believe it. Xander: I know, and after all my conquests. Buffy sees Angel and goes over to him. Xander: Who's that? Willow: That must be Angel! I think? Xander: That weird guy that warned her about all the vampires? Willow: That's him, I'll bet you. Xander: Well, he's buff! She never said anything about him being buff! Willow: You think he's buff? Xander: He's a very attractive man! How come that never came up? Cut to Angel. Buffy comes up to him. Buffy: Well! Look who's here! Angel: Hi. Buffy: I'd say it's nice to see you, but then we both know that's a big fib. Angel: I won't be long. Buffy: No, you'll just give me a cryptic warning about some exciting new catastrophe, and then disappear into the night. Right? Angel: You're cold. Buffy: You can take it. Angel: (takes off his jacket) I mean, you look cold. He puts his jacket around her shoulders. Cut to Willow and Xander. Xander: Oh, right! Give her your jacket. It's a balmy night, no one needs to be trading clothing out there! Cut to Buffy and Angel. Buffy: A little big on me. (notices a series of cuts on Angel's arm) What happened? Angel: I didn't pay attention. Buffy: To somebody with a big fork? Angel: He's coming. Buffy: The Fork Guy? Angel: Don't let him corner you. Don't give him a moment's mercy. He'll rip your throat out. Buffy: Okay, I'll give you improved marks for that one. Ripping a throat out, it's a strong visual, it's not cryptic! Angel: I have to go. (leaves) Buffy: (stares after him) Sweet dreams to you, too. Cut to Sunnydale High the next morning. Buffy and Giles are walking along in front of the school. Giles is eating an apple. Giles: That's all he said? Fork Guy? Buffy: That's all Cryptic Guy said: Fork Guy. Giles: I think there are too many guys in your life. (laughs) They meet Willow sitting on a bench. Giles: I'll see what I can find out. (looks up at the sky) God, every day here is the same. Buffy: Bright, sunny, beautiful, how ever can we escape this torment? Willow gives her a smile. Buffy puts down her bag and sits down next to her. Giles: Really. Xander comes up behind Giles as he turns to leave. Giles: Good morning. Xander: Mornin'. (to the girls) Guess what I just heard in the office? No Dr. Gregory today. Ergo, those of us who blew off our science homework aren't as dumb as we look. He reaches down and flips Willow's book closed. She has to stop it from sliding off of her lap. Buffy: What happened, is he sick? Xander: They didn't say anything about sick, something about missing. Buffy: He's missing? Xander: Well, let me think. Um, the cheerleaders were modeling their new short skirts, that kinda got... Yeah! Yeah, they said missing. Willow and Buffy exchange a look. Xander: Which is bad? Buffy: If something's wrong, yeah! Willow: He's one of the only teachers that doesn't think Buffy's a felon. Xander: I'm really sorry, I'm sure he'll... He looks up and sees Miss Natalie French walking toward them. Xander: I, uh, huh... The girls look to see what's distracting him. Xander: Uh, huh... huh... Cut to a slow motion shot of Natalie walking. She comes right up to Xander, who just stares at her. Natalie: Could you help me? Xander: Uuuuuuhhhhhh... Yes! Willow and Buffy give each other amused looks. Natalie: I'm looking for Science... 109. Xander: Oh! It's, um... He looks around himself, trying to remember the way. He turns back to Natalie. Xander: (smiles) I go there every day! Natalie laughs. Xander: (looks to the girls for help) Oh, God, where is it? Willow and Buffy just shrug. Blayne appears behind Natalie and introduces himself. Blayne: Hi! Blayne Mall. I'm going there right now. It's not far from the varsity field where I took All-City last year. (smiles smugly) Natalie: Oh! Thank you, Blayne! She and Blayne leave. Xander's gaze follows them for a moment, and then he turns back to Willow and Buffy. Xander: It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to. The girls nod their heads and give each other a smile. Cut to science class. Natalie is writing her name on the board. Buffy, Willow and Xander walk in. Buffy spots Dr. Gregory's glasses on the floor and picks them up. Willow: What's wrong? Buffy: Dr. Gregory dropped his glasses... Why wouldn't he pick them up? She sets the glasses on the lab table and gives Natalie a glance as she walks to her stool. Natalie faces the class. Natalie: My name is Natalie French, and I will be substituting for Dr. Gregory. Buffy: Do you know when he's coming back? Natalie: No, I don't, um, (checks her roster) Buffy. They just call and tell me where they want me. Blayne: (in a low voice) I'll tell you where I want you. Natalie: Excuse me, Blayne? Blayne: Uh, I was just wondering if you were gonna pick up where Dr. Gregory left off. Natalie: (smiles) Yes. His notes tell me you were right in the middle of insect life. She picks up a mantis mounted in a clear plastic box. Natalie: The praying mantis is a fascinating creature. Forced to live alone. Who can tell me why? Buffy? She puts the mantis back down. Buffy: Well, the words 'bug-ugly' kinda spring to mind. There's lots of muffled laughter. Natalie: There is nothing ugly about these unique creatures. The reason they live alone is because they're cannibals! Buffy: Eww! Everyone in class looks disgusted. Natalie: Oh, well, it's hardly their fault! It's the way nature designed them: noble, solitary and prolific. Over 1800 species worldwide, and in nearly all of them the female is larger *and* more aggressive than the male. Blayne: (to Buffy) Nothing wrong with an aggressive female. Buffy angles her head and gives him a look. Natalie picks up her notebook and starts to walk around the room. Natalie: The California Mantis lays her eggs, and then finds a mate... She looks at Xander. He stares back. Natalie: ...to fertilize them. Once he's played his part, she covers the eggs in a protective sack and attaches it to a leaf or twig out of danger. Now, if she's done her job correctly, in a few months she'll have several hundred offspring. She has made her way back to the front of the class and puts down her notebook. Natalie: You know, we should make some model egg sacks for the science fair. Who would like to help me do that after school? All the boys raise their hands. Natalie: (pleased) Good! Cut to the cafeteria. Buffy, Willow and Xander are in line. Buffy: Hot dog surprise. Be still, my heart. Willow: Call me old-fashioned, I don't want any more surprises in my hot dogs. Xander: I wonder what she sees in me? It's probably the quiet good looks coupled with a certain smoky magnetism. Willow raises her eyebrows at him. She turns to Buffy and they smile. Xander: Miss French. You two're probably a little young to understand what an older woman would see in a younger man. Buffy: Oh, I understand. Xander: Good! Buffy: The younger man is too dumb to wonder why an older woman can't find someone her own age, and too desperate to care about the surgical improvements! Xander: What surgical improvements? Willow: Well, he is young. Buffy: And so terribly innocent! Xander: Hey, those that can, do. Those that can't *laugh* at those who... can do. Blayne comes up next to Xander, getting lots of food. Blayne: Gotta carb up for my one-on-one with Miss French today. When's yours? Oh, right, tomorrow. You came in second, I came in first. Guess that's what they call natural selection. (leaves) Xander: Guess it's what they call a rehearsal! (to the girls) Rehearsal... (laughs lamely) The girls smile. Buffy goes over to get some utensils. As she walks back Cordelia comes in through the exit and bumps into her. Cordelia: (to Buffy) Excuse you! She goes behind the counter, showing a piece of paper to the cafeteria workers. Cordelia: Medically prescribed lunch. My doctor ships it daily... I'll only be here as long as I can hold my breath. She opens a refrigerator and screams. Inside is a headless body. Buffy and Willow run to see what's wrong. Cordelia backs away from the fridge. Cordelia: His head! His head! Oh, my God, where's his head?! Buffy and Willow arrive to see what's inside. Buffy stares in disbelief. Xander is close behind and has to look away when he sees. Willow looks squeamish. The name on the body's lab coat is 'Dr. Gregory'. Cut to the library. Giles pours a glass of water. He brings it over to Buffy, who is sitting on the steps with Willow. Both girls have deeply sad looks on their faces. Buffy has been crying. Giles: (hands the glass to Buffy) Here. Drink this. Buffy: (takes the glass) No, thank you. (takes a sip) Xander: (behind Giles) I've never seen... Giles looks back at Xander. Xander: I mean, I've never seen anything like... That was new. Willow: Who would wanna hurt Dr. Gregory? Giles: Uh, he didn't have any enemies on the staff that I'm aware of. He was a civilized man. I liked him. Buffy: So did I. Willow: (looks up at Giles) Well, we're gonna find out who did this. We'll find them and we'll stop them. Buffy: Count on it. Giles: What do we know? Buffy: Oh, not a lot, um... (sniffs and wipes a tear from her nose) He was killed here on campus. I'm guessing the last day we saw him. Giles: How do you work that out? Buffy: He didn't change his clothing. Xander: This is a question that no one particularly wants to hear, but... where did they put his head? Willow: Good point. I didn't wanna hear that. Buffy: Angel! (gets up) He warned me that something was coming. She takes another sip of water as she walks over to the table. Giles: Yes. Yes he did, didn't he? I wish I knew what he meant. I've been trying to gather more information about the Master, our, uh, local vampire king. There was one oblique reference to a, a, a vampire who displeased the Master and cut his hand off in penance. Buffy: Cut off his hand and replaced it with a fork? Giles: I don't know what he replaced it with. Xander: So, why would he come after a teacher? Giles: I'm not certain he did. There was an incident two nights ago... He walks over to the counter, picks up a newspaper and returns with it. Giles: ...uh, involving a homeless person in Weatherly Park. He was practically shredded, but, uh, nothing like Dr. Gregory. Buffy: (looks at the paper) Fork Guy doesn't do heads. Giles: Not historically. Buffy: And Dr. Gregory's blood wasn't drained. Xander: So there's something else out there? Besides Silverwareman? Oh, this is fun, we're on monster island. Buffy: We're on a Hellmouth. It's a center of mystical convergence. Guess it's the same thing. (walks toward Xander) Giles: Well, unpleasant things do gravitate here, it's true, but, uh, we don't know there's anything besides this chap. He's still our likely suspect. Buffy: Where was that guy killed? Weatherly Park? Giles: Buffy. (advances toward her) I know you're upset, but, uh, this is no time to go hunting, not until we know more. Please promise me you won't do anything rash? Buffy: Cross my heart. Cut to the park at night. Buffy climbs the fence. She walks through the park, carefully looking around. A bum comes up to her. Bum: Shouldn't be out here at night, little lady. Dangerous. The bum leaves. She notices another bum on the ground in front of a bench, and she checks him out. He's okay, just asleep. Buffy continues stalking. Dogs bark in the distance. Buffy finds some shrubbery covering a sewer access hole. She moves it aside, and Fork Guy jumps out at her. She rushes backward. He swings with his claw, but misses. She slams her straight arm into his gut, then again into his back. He swings again, but Buffy dodges him. She backhand punches him in the face, does a roundhouse kick to his jaw and backhand punches his face again. He takes another swing at Buffy, but she evades it. She front kicks him. He lunges at her, and she grabs his arm and flips him over onto his back. Buffy tries to stake him, but he rolls away and back onto his feet. She kicks him again and he staggers backward and falls. Buffy hears voices and turns to see people with flashlights coming over the hill. Voices: Hold it! Police! Did you see that? I got nothing here! Buffy looks back and forth between Fork Guy and the posse. The vampire runs off. Voices: I heard it. Spread out. Let's go over here. This way, this way. Alright... Buffy makes tracks after the vampire. Cut to the fence at the edge of the park. Natalie is walking home on the other side with grocery bags in her arms. The vampire stalks her and climbs over the fence. Buffy comes running up. The vampire lands behind Natalie. Buffy reaches the fence and watches. Natalie senses the vampire, stops and turns to face him. The vampire hisses and runs away in fear. Natalie watches him go. Buffy can't believe what she's seeing. The vampire crosses the street, lifts a manhole cover and climbs down. Natalie continues her walk home. The vampire pulls the manhole cover back into place. Buffy just stares after Natalie. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High, the next morning. Cut to the library. Giles: You went hunting last night. Buffy: Yes. He walks into his office. She follows behind him. Giles: When you assured me you wouldn't. (takes a sip from his mug) Buffy: Yes, I lied, I'm a bad person, let's move on. Giles: (opens his file cabinet) Did you see someone with a fork? Buffy: More like a jumbo claw. Giles: (turns to face her) Oh. Well, uh, at least you're not hurt. Buffy: And I saw something else. Something much more interesting than your average run-of-the-mill killer vampire. Giles: Oh? Buffy: Do you know Miss French, the teacher that's subbing for Dr. Gregory? Giles: (smiles) Yes. Yes, she's lovely. In a, a common, extremely well proportioned way. (puts some files away) Buffy: Well, I'm chasing Claw Guy last night, and Miss Well Proportioned is heading home. The Claw Guy takes one look at her and runs screaming for cover. Giles: (confused) He what? Ran away? Buffy: He was petrified. Giles: Of Miss French? Buffy: Uh, huh! So I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand... How many things am I afraid of? Giles: Not many. And not substitute teachers, as a rule. Buffy: So what's her deal? Giles: I think perhaps it would be a good idea if we kept an eye on her. Buffy: Then I better get to class. She leaves the office. Cut to Buffy rushing down the stairs in the halls. She is stopped by Principal Flutie. Mr. Flutie: You were there. You saw Dr. Gregory, didn't you? Buffy: Um, you mean yesterday in the cafeteria when we found him... Mr. Flutie: Don't say dead! Or decapitated, or decomposing, I'd stay away from D-words altogether. But you witnessed the event, so this way, please. (starts down the hall) Buffy: (stops him short) Well, no, I'm gonna be late for biology... Mr. Flutie: Extremely late! (starts down the hall again) You have to see a counselor. Everyone who saw the body has to see a crisis counselor. Buffy: But I really don't need... Mr. Flutie: We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise we bottle them up, and before you know it, powerful laxatives are involved. I really believe if we all reach out to one another we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug, (jumps back) but not a real hug! Because there's no touching, this school is sensitive to wrong touching. Buffy: But, I really, really don't... Mr. Flutie: No, you have to talk to a counselor and start the healing. You have to heal. Buffy: But Mr. Flutie, I... Mr. Flutie: Heal! He sits her down in a chair outside of the counselor's office and paces off. Buffy leans back in the chair and looks bummed. Then she hears Cordelia inside the office. Cordelia: I don't know what to say, it was really, I mean, one minute you're in your normal life, and then who's in the fridge? (the camera pans over to show her inside) It really gets to you, a thing like that. (cut inside) It was... let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday. I think I lost, like, seven and a half ounces? Way swifter than that so-called diet that quack put me on. Oh, I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight, I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side. You know? Cut to Buffy. What she's hearing is just too weird. Cordelia: Like, how even used Mercedes still have leather seats! Cut to science class. Natalie is giving a pop quiz, and is walking along the aisle. Natalie: Keep your eyes straight ahead on your own test. She comes up behind Xander. Natalie: (in a low voice) I think you meant 'pollination' for number fourteen. (puts her hand on his shoulder) I'll see you here after school. Cut to the hall. Buffy comes running to class and looks in through the door window. Buffy: Oh, great, a pop quiz. Cut inside. Natalie suddenly straightens up. Buffy looks in. She sees Natalie turn her head around 180 degrees. Her eyes go wide with amazement. She quickly rolls away from the window. Cut to the library. Buffy and Willow come in. Buffy: No, I'm not saying she craned her neck. We are talking full on Exorcist twist. Willow: Ouch! Buffy: Which reminds me, how come Blayne, who worked with her one-on- one yesterday, isn't here today? Willow: Inquiring minds wanna know. Buffy: (to Giles) Any luck? Willow sits down in front of the PC and begins a search. Giles: Um, I've not found any creature as yet that strikes terror in a vampire's heart. Buffy: Try looking under things that can turn their heads all the way around. Giles: Nothing human can do that. Buffy: No, nothing human. There are some insects that can. Whatever she is, I'm gonna be ready for her. She turns and hops up the stairs to the stacks. Giles takes off his glasses. Giles: What are you going to do? Buffy: (turns back to answer) My homework. She continues up into the stacks. Willow looks up at her and smiles, then continues her search. Buffy comes running back. Buffy: Where are the books on bugs? Cut to the science classroom. Natalie is at the desk spreading butter on a slice of bread. She's about to open a plastic container when she hears Xander come in and looks up. Xander: Hi! Natalie: Oh, Hi! I was just grabbing a snack. Can I fix you something? Xander: No thanks, I never... eat when I'm making egg sacks. (sees the model) Wow, if this were real the bugs would be... Natalie: ...as big as you! Xander: Yeah! So! Where do we start? Natalie: Oh, Xander! (gets up) I've done something really stupid. I hope you can forgive me. Xander: Oh, forgiveness is my middle name! Well, actually it's LaVelle, and I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life. (laughs) Natalie: (laughs) I have a teacher's conference in half an hour, and I left the paint and papier-mache' at home. I don't suppose you'd like to come to my place tonight to work on it there? Xander: (swallows) Come to, uh... your place? He flashes to his guitar solo for a moment. Natalie: 7:30? Here's my address. (writes it down) Xander can't believe his luck. Natalie: (hands him her address) I'll see you tonight? Xander: (in a high, squeaky voice) Yeah! Cut to the hall. Xander comes out of the classroom. Xander: (pumping his fists into the air) Ooo, yes! Cut inside the classroom. Natalie opens the container now. It's full of crickets. She dumps them onto the buttered bread and folds the slice in half. She takes a bite. Crunchy! Cut to the library. Buffy comes out of the stacks with a book. Buffy: Dig this: 'The praying mantis can rotate its head 180 degrees while waiting for its next meal to walk by.' (slams the book shut) Ha! (silence) Well, c'mon, guys. Ha! Willow: Well, Miss French is sort of big. For a bug? Giles: And she is, by and large, woman shaped. Buffy: (makes her way down to them) Okay. Factoid 1: Only the praying mantis can rotate its head like that. Factoid 2: A pretty whacked-out vampire is scared to death of her. Factoid 3: Her fashion sense screams predator. Willow: It's the shoulder pads. Buffy: Exactly. Giles: If you're right, then she'd have to be a shape shifter or a perception distorter. On a helpful note, I had a chum at Oxford, Carlyle, advanced degrees in entomology mythology. Buffy: Entomawho? Giles: Bugs and fairy tales. Buffy: I knew that. Giles: If I recall correctly, poor old Carlyle, just before he went mad, claimed there was some beast... Willow: (the PC beeps) Buffy, 911! Blayne's mom called the school. He never came home last night. Giles: The boy who worked with Miss French yesterday? Willow: Yeah! If Miss French is responsible for... Xander's supposed to be helping her right now! He's got a crush on a giant insect! Buffy: Okay, don't panic, I'll warn him. But I need you to hack onto the coroner's office for me. Willow: Well, what are we looking for? Buffy: Autopsy on Dr. Gregory. I've been trying to figures out these marks that I saw on his corpse... I'm thinking they were teeth. And, uh, these cuddlies? (points to a picture of a mantis) Should definitely be brushing after every meal. (Willow types) (to Giles) And you were saying something about a beast? Giles: (gets up to go to his office) Oh, uh, yeah, I just need to make one transatlantic telephone call. (stops and turns back) Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office, one, one assumes it is entirely legal? Willow and Buffy answer simultaneously. Willow: Entirely! Buffy: Of course! Giles: Right. Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you. Buffy: Good idea. Cut outside. Buffy catches up with Xander. Buffy: Hey! Xander: Hey! Buffy: So, how'd it go with Miss French? Xander: Well, it's a bit demanding being her absolute favorite guy in the universe, but I'll muddle through. Buffy: Xander, she's not what she seems. Xander: I know, she's so much more. Buffy: Okay, um... I'm gonna have to tell you something about her, and I'm gonna need you to really listen, okay? Xander: Okay. Buffy: I don't think she's human. Xander: I see. So if she's not human she's... Buffy: Technically? A big bug. Xander laughs. Buffy: This sounds really weird, I'm aware of that... Xander: It doesn't sound weird at all, I completely understand. I've met someone, and you're jealous. Buffy: What? Xander: Look, there's nothing I can do about it. Uh, there's just this certain chemical thing between Miss French and me. Buffy: I know, I read all about it, it's call, um, a pheromone. It's a chemical attractant that insects give off. Xander: She's not an insect! She's a woman, okay? And hard as that may be for you to conceive, an actual woman finds me attractive. I realize it's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets, and while we're on the subject, what kind of a girlie name is 'Angel' anyway? Buffy: What does that have to do with... Xander: Nothing! It just kinda bugs me. Look, I really gotta... He walks off. Buffy turns and watches him go. Buffy: Wha...? Cut to Natalie's house that night. She pours two martinis. Her dress shows lots of cleavage. The doorbell rings. She smiles and goes to open it. Natalie: Hi! Come on in! Xander stares at her cleavage as he comes in. Natalie: Should I change? Is, is this too... (she closes the door) Xander: No, no, it's, the most beautiful chest... dress I've ever seen. She smiles and goes back into the living room. Xander follows. Natalie: Thank you. That's sweet. Martini? (offers him one) Oh, I'm sorry, would you like something else? Xander quickly accepts the drink. Natalie: (laughs) I just need to relax a little, I'm kinda nervous around you. (she sits down) You're probably cool as a cucumber! Xander: (sits down) I like cucumbers. Like in that Greek salad thing with the yogurt. Do you like Greek food? I'm exempting Schwarma, of course, I mean, what's that all about? It's a big meat hive. They laugh, he nervously, she playfully. Xander gulps the martini. Xander: Hhhhhhho! Hello! Natalie: Cheers! (clinks their glasses) Can I ask you a personal question? She puts her glass down and gets closer to Xander. Natalie: Have you ever been with a woman before? Xander: You mean, like, in, uh, the same room? Natalie: You know what I mean. Xander: Oh, that, uh... Well, let me think. Um... Natalie runs her fingers though his hair and around his ear. Xander: Yeah, there was, uh... several! She continues her stroke down to Xander's chin. Xander: I mean, and, uh, quite a few times... And then there was, uh... Oh, she was incredibly... No. Uh-uh. Natalie: I know. I can tell. Xander: You can? Natalie: Oh, I like it. You might say, I... *need* it. Xander: Oh! Well, needs should, uh, y'know... Needs should definitely be met, as long as it doesn't require ointments the next day, or... Muffled yelling can be heard from somewhere. Xander: Do you hear... Natalie: No... Xander: Sounds like someone crying... Natalie: I don't hear anything. (takes his hand) Your hands are so hot! Xander flashes to his dream. Buffy: Oh, you hurt your hand! Xander comes back. The drink is beginning to affect him. He leans back on the couch. Xander: Buffy. I love Buffy. Wow! So that's a martini, huh? Natalie: Mm-hm. Xander: (sits back up) Do you hear... Natalie: (interrupting) Would you like to touch me with those hands? Xander: (looks at Natalie's hands) Your hands are sss... really... (her hands morph) serrated! Oh, wow, that martini, I... I really think I have to... Xander falls to the floor unconscious. Two mantis claws drag him away by his feet. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Natalie's basement. The camera pans down from the window above the stairs to Xander. He's lying unconscious in a cage. There are squishing noises. Xander wakes up, looks around, grabs the bars and pulls himself up. He sees Natalie as a giant mantis preparing her nest. Xander: Miss... French? Natalie: Please, call me Natalie. Xander backs away into the cage. Cut to the library. Giles is on the phone. Giles: Frankly, madam, I haven't the faintest idea what time it is, nor do I care. Now, unlock his cell, unstrap him, and bring him to the telephone immediately. This is a matter of life and death! Cut to Willow typing. Willow: Got it! Coroner's report, complete with... Yuk! ...color pictures. Buffy: There *are* teeth marks. Which match perfectly the one insect that nips off its prey's head. Willow: Okay, I-I don't like this. Buffy: Huh! It's the way they feed, head first. It's also the way they mate. The female bites off the male's head while they're... Willow: No, no, no! See? Xander's, I like his head! I-it's where you find his eyes, and his hair, and his adorable smile... Buffy: Hey, hey, take it easy, Willow. Xander is not in any immediate danger. I saw him leave school. He's probably safe at home right now. Cut to Natalie's basement. Xander backs up in his cage and is surprised by Blayne when he reaches the far corner. Xander: Ah! Blayne! Blayne: (terrified) Oh, God! Oh, God! Xander: Are you all right? Blayne: Oh, God! (breathes) You gotta get me outta here! You gotta! She, she, she gets you, and, uh... Xander: What? Blayne: ...she, she... Xander: What does she do? Blayne: Oh, God! Oh, oh, no! Xander: Blayne! What does she do? Blayne: She, she... she, she takes you outta the cage, and she ties you up, and, and... she... she starts movin', and throbbin', and these eggs come shootin' out of her! And then... Xander: What? Blayne: And then... Xander: Then what? Blayne: She mates with you! Xander: Sheeee... Blayne: That's not the worst part! Xander: That's not? Blayne: You seen her teeth? Right while she's, you know, right in the middle of... I saw her do it! I don't wanna die like that! Xander: Blayne! Blayne! Chill! It's okay. It's gonna be okay. We'll get outta this. Blayne: (hopeful) You gotta plan? What is it? Xander: Just, uh, let me perfect it! Blayne: (gives up hope) Oh, God... Oh, God... Oh, God... Cut to the library. Giles is talking with Carlyle on the phone in his office. Giles: I-I understand, Carlyle. Yes... I-I'll take every precaution. Uh, absolutely, i-i-it sounds exactly like the creature you described. Y-you were right all along about everything. Well, n-no, you weren't right about your mother coming back as a pekinese, but... uh... Try to rest, old man. Yes... Ta! Bye now! He hangs up and comes out of his office. Willow and Buffy are at the PC. Giles: Dr. Ferris Carlyle spent years transcribing a lost pre-Germanic language. What he discovered he kept to himself until several teenage boys were murdered in the Cotswolds. Then he went hunting for it. Buffy: It being... Giles: Uh, he calls her a She-Mantis. This type of creature, the Kleptes-Virgo, or, or virgin-thief, appears in, in many cultures. The Greek sirens, the Celtic sea maidens, who, who tore the living flesh from the bones of, um... Buffy: Giles, while we're young! Giles: Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest. Buffy: Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh... I mean, he's probably... Willow: (quickly gets up, worried) ...gonna die! (goes to the phone) Buffy: Okay, okay, (walks around Giles) so this thing is breeding and we need to find it and snuff it. (faces Giles) Any tips on the snuffing part? Giles: Uh, Carlyle recommends cleaving all body parts with a sharp blade. Willow is on the phone in the background behind Buffy talking to Xander's mom. Buffy: Slice and Dice. Giles: Well, whatever you do, it had better be certain and swift. This beast is extremely dangerous. Buffy: Well, your buddy Carlyle faced it, and he's still around. Giles: Yes, in a straitjacket, howling his innards out day and night. Buffy: Okay, Admiral, way to inspire the troops! Giles: Sorry... Willow: (off the phone now) Xander's not home! He told his mom he was going to his teacher's house to work on a science project. He didn't tell her where. Buffy: (to Willow) See if you can get her address off the substitute rolls. (to Giles) And you need to record bat sonar, and fast! Giles: Bat sonar, right. What? Buffy: Bats eat them. (leads Giles to the stairs) The mantis hears sonar, its entire nervous system goes kaplooey. Giles: Where am I gonna find the... Buffy: In the vid library? There're no books, but it's dark and musty, you'll feel right at home, go! (exhales) (to herself) I guess I'll handle the armory. Cut to Natalie's basement. Xander and Blayne are in their cages. Xander is working on one of the bars. Blayne: Don't do anything to make her mad! Xander pulls the bar out. Blayne: (brightens) Hey, alright, now I can get outta my cage! (bummed) Into yours, what'd you do that for? Xander: A weapon! Blayne: (sees Natalie coming) I think you're gonna need it. Xander looks up and is startled. He drops the bar. Cut to the library. Miss French's record is coming out of the printer. Buffy comes in the door. Willow: Getting the address. Buffy: Great! Giles? Giles: (holding a tape recorder) Recording bat sonar is something soothingly akin to having one's teeth drilled. Buffy: (takes the tape recorder) Let's roll! They all head for the door. Willow: According to Miss French's personnel records, she was born in 1907. She's, like, 90 years old! Giles: And extremely well preserved! Cut to Natalie's basement. She is looking back and forth between the boys. Blayne: Oh, God! (goes through the hole into Xander's cage) Uh, he did that, he broke the cage, take him, not me, take him! Cut to Giles, Buffy and Willow driving up to Miss French's house. They get out and run up to the door. Giles: What now, exactly? We can't just kick the door down. Buffy: Yeah, that *would* be wrong. She gets ready to kick, but the door opens. An old lady is there. Miss French: Hello, dear! I thought I heard... Are you selling something? Because I'd like to help you out, but... You see, I'm on a fixed income. Buffy: I'm looking for Miss French. Miss French: I'm Miss French. Buffy: Natalie French, the substitute biology teacher? Miss French: (laughs) Goodness, that's me! I taught for over thirty years. I retired in 1972. Buffy: (to Giles) I can't believe this! She used Miss French's records to get into the school. She could be anywhere! Miss French: No, dear! I'm right here! Cut to Natalie's basement. Xander: What's she doing? Blayne: I think it's eeny, meeny, miney... Xander: Moe? The camera closes in on Xander's terrified face. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Natalie's basement. She opens the door to the cage. Xander crawls out on his butt, bar in hand. Xander: I'm comin', I'm comin'. When he's just out of the cage he swings the bar and hits Natalie as he gets up. She staggers. He runs for the stairs. Halfway up Natalie trips him with her claw, and he tumbles back down the stairs. Cut to Miss French's house. Giles, Willow and Buffy are going back to the car. Willow: What do we do now? Giles: Abject prayer and supplication would spring to mind. Buffy: I saw her walking past this park with her grocery bags. She lives in this neighborhood. Willow: I'm gonna start banging on doors. (heads for the next house) Buffy: (stops Willow) Wait, no, we do *not* have time for that! Willow: We have to do something! Buffy: We will. Cut to the manhole cover where Buffy saw Claw Guy go in. Buffy lifts it off and starts to climb in. Buffy: I won't be long. (goes down) Giles: W... Buffy? Cut to Natalie's basement. Xander is tied up with leather straps. Natalie is in his face. Blayne: Oh, yeah, here it comes! Xander: What? What's happening?! Blayne: How do you like your eggs, bro, over easy or sunny side up? Xander: Eggs? She's gonna lay some... He sees her lay some eggs. He flashes to Natalie's lecture in science class. Natalie: The California Mantis lays her eggs, and then finds a mate to fertilize them. His flashback is over, and he's scared. Cut to the manhole. Willow: (into the hole) Come on, Buffy! Cut to some bushes. There are sounds of Claw Guy swinging his arm and ropes whipping through the air. Buffy pushes Claw Guy out of the bushes. His arms are tied behind his back. Claw Guy: You! Buffy: Me! She shoves him down the street. Cut to Natalie's street. Buffy is pushing Claw Guy down the sidewalk in front of her. Giles and Willow follow. Buffy: Come on! Come on, where is she? Which house is it? I know you're afraid of her, I saw you! Come on! Claw Guy begins to react to Natalie's presence. Buffy: Come on. What? What is it? This is her, isn't it, this is her house? This is it! Better than radar! She lets go of him. Claw Guy cuts the ropes with his blades. Willow: Buffy! He swings at Buffy, but she leans back in time, only to trip and fall backward over the miniature picket fence running along the walk to the house. Claw Guy jumps to follow. She crawls backward on her butt until she hits the fence on the other side of the lawn. She rips a picket from the fence and thrusts it into Claw Guy as he takes another swing at her. He falls over dead. Giles breathes a sigh of relief. Cut to the basement. Natalie advances on Xander. Natalie: Kiss me! (laughs) Kiss me! Xander: Can I just say one thing? HEEEELLLLP! HEEEELLLLP! Buffy smashes the basement window and slides in. Blayne: Uh, hey, o-over here, hello! In the cage! She pulls her bag though the window. Buffy: (to Natalie) Let him go! She runs down the stairs and sets the bag down. Willow climbs in the window, too. Buffy pulls two cans of insect spray from the bag and sprays Natalie in the face. Giles climbs in as Willow runs behind Buffy to open the cage. The spray disorients Natalie. Giles comes down the stairs now too. Buffy points him at Xander. Blayne: Help me! Help me! Buffy: (to Giles) Get them outta here! She pulls the tape recorder and a machete from her bag. Blayne: Hey, help me! Help me! Giles undoes the leather straps holding Xander. Natalie retreats to the back of her nest. Buffy starts to close in on her. Buffy: Remember Dr. Gregory? You scarfed his head? Yeah, well, he taught me, you do your homework, you learn stuff. Like what happens to your nervous system when you hear this! She plays the tape. It's Giles' voice. Buffy stares at the machine in disbelief. Tape: ...extremely important to file not simply alphabetically... Buffy: (back to Giles) Giles! Giles: (on the floor pointing at Natalie) I-it's the wrong side! Natalie knocks the tape recorder and machete from Buffy's hands. Giles watches the recorder fly over him, hit the ground and slide under a refrigerator. He scrambles to get it. Buffy turns her attention back on Natalie. Natalie tries to trip Buffy, but she jumps over her claw. Xander comes up next to her with a can of bug spray and sprays it into Natalie's face. Buffy pushes him away from danger, and Natalie takes the opportunity to knock her down. Buffy raises herself onto her hands and one leg, and with the other does two crouching side kicks to Natalie's legs to keep her at bay. Giles searches under the refrigerator. Buffy kicks again. She sees the machete on the floor and grabs it. Giles has the recorder now, jumps around on the floor with the recorder in front of him and plays the tape. The sounds of bat sonar severely hurt and disorient Natalie. She flails her claws around.
Plan: A: Xander; Q: Who is smitten by the substitute biology teacher? A: cover; Q: What do vampires run for when they see Ms. French? A: Angel's warning; Q: What gives Buffy a vital clue? A: Buffy; Q: Who rescues the virgin male students? A: the virgin male students; Q: Who does Buffy rescue from the giant praying mantis? A: Xander-chosen; Q: Who is chosen to fertilize the creature's eggs? Summary: Xander is smitten by the substitute biology teacher, Ms. French , who turns out to be a giant praying mantis terrifying enough to make vampires run for cover. Angel's warning gives Buffy a vital clue and she rescues the virgin male students-including Xander-chosen to fertilize the creature's eggs.
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Chandler are sitting on the couch and chair as Phoebe is getting coffee.] Rachel: (coming from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs? Phoebe: Huh? Rachel: I'm having dinner with my dad tomorrow night, do you wanna come? Phoebe: Sure. Yeah, he's kinda sexy. Rachel: Oh no, no, I'll be there too. Phoebe: Okay so, we'll just come up with some kind of signal if it's going well you can take off. Rachel: No Phoebe! I just need you there for support. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet. Phoebe: Oh. Why not? Rachel: 'Cause I know he's gonna flip out and I hate it when he's angry. Phoebe: Oh Rachel, this is all so 'Papa don't preach.' Rachel: What Phoebe? Wait! One time he caught me smoking he said if he ever saw me doing that again he'd make me eat the entire pack. Phoebe: Wow! Oh well, I will be there! Rachel: Thank you. Phoebe: Gosh. I'm not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. (They both sit down by the rest of the gang and Phoebe recognizes a man by the window.) Oh. Hey! Who is that guy? I think I know him. Monica: (recognizing him and panicking) No you don't! Rachel: (panicking) No you don't. Phoebe: Oh my God!!! Monica!! He's the stripper from your bachelorette party!! Chandler: Her what?!! Phoebe: Your secret bachelorette party... Chandler: You had a bachelorette party?! Phoebe: She untied his G-string with her teeth. (Pause) Somebody stop me! Chandler: I thought we weren't gonna have bachelor/bachelorette parties! Y'know, we agreed that it was a silly tradition. Joey: It's a grand tradition! Monica: I'm sorry, they surprised me. There was nothing I could do! Rachel: Well you could've untied it with your hands. Joey: This is so unfair! The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend a bachelor party, but no, I wasn't allowed to. All I got was a stupid steak dinner! Chandler: You went home with the waitress. Joey: Oh yeah, that was a pretty good night. Chandler: I can't believe you didn't tell me! You know that the two pillars of marriage are openness and honesty! Monica: Ugh, I knew giving you that book was gonna come back and bite me in the ass! Opening Credits [Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel and Phoebe are having dinner with Dr. Green, and everyone is looking at the menu.] Dr. Green: How about I order everyone the Moroccan chicken? Phoebe: Oh, I-I don't eat meat. Dr. Green: It's chicken. Phoebe: Yeah, I don't eat that either. Dr. Green: I'll never understand you lesbians. (To Rachel) So baby, tell me...what is new with you. Rachel: Well actually umm... Waiter: (interrupting) Your '74 Lafite sir. Dr. Green: '74?! I ordered the '75! That's a magnificent wine! The '74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! (The waiter's dumbfounded) Is that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why you're a waiter? Waiter: This is why I told the manager I wouldn't wait on you tonight! (Runs off.) Dr. Green: Oh come on! Don't be such a baby! (Goes after him) Rachel: (To Phoebe) In case you didn't notice, that is a scary man. Phoebe: He's right though, the '74 is absolute piss. Rachel: This was such a huge mistake. I can't tell him Phoebe. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't... Phoebe: Rachel! Rachel: No it's okay, this is what's gonna happen. I'm gonna wait a couple years and then the baby will tell him. Phoebe: Why, so he can get mad at the baby? Rachel: Hey, that is the...baby's problem. (Dr. Green returns.) Oh, everything okay with the waiter? Dr. Green: I have no idea, I went to the bathroom. So sweetie, you were starting to tell me what is uh, what is new with you. Rachel: Well... Umm, I got TiVo. Dr. Green: What's TiVo? Phoebe: It's slang for pregnant. Rachel: Phoebe! Dr. Green: Are you really pregnant? Rachel: Well uh, yes and no. Except not no. So to sum it up, yeah. Dr. Green: Who is the father? Oh no! Please don't tell me it's her! (Points at Phoebe.) Rachel: No, it's Ross. It's Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his head.) Oh daddy, I hope you're okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is a good thing. You're gonna-This is your first grandchild! You're gonna be a poppy! Dr. Green: That's true. Rachel: Yeah. Dr. Green: (laughs) Poppy. (To Phoebe) Oh, I'm gonna be a poppy. (Stops laughing) So when is the wedding? Rachel: Who? Dr. Green: The wedding! There's going to be a wedding. Young lady, don't you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a b*st*rd! (Rachel pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!! Rachel: February 2nd! (Dr. Green exhales in relief.) [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting with Mona.] Mona: So it was really cool seeing you lecture today. Ross: Oh thanks. Although it kinda seemed like you were falling asleep there a little. Mona: Oh no-no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate and y'know take it all in. Ross: Yeah, a lot of my students do that. Mona: So, I gotta get going. Ross: Okay, I-I'll see you tonight. Mona: Yeah. Ross: Okay, bye. (They kiss and she starts to leave.) Mona: Oh hey, thanks again for showing me your semi-precious stone collection. It was amazing! (She leaves.) Chandler: My God! You must be good in bed! Joey: So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. How's it going? Ross: Ah, it's good. It's going good. I mean, we get along great. She's, she's so... Joey: Hot? Ross: Well, I was gonna say sweet, but yeah-huh! Chandler: She's okay with Rachel and the baby? Ross: Well I...I haven't actually told her yet. I don't want to scare her off, y'know? Chandler: Well, you have to honest with her! Otherwise you may think that you're going down the same path, but you're really going down different ones. Joey: I'm gonna take that book and beat you to death with it. Monica: (entering) Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much! I felt really bad about the whole bachelorette party thing, so tonight you're gonna have a bachelor party. Chandler: What? Monica: Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?! Chandler: Honey! That's crazy! I don't want you to get me a stripper... Joey: Will you let the lady talk?! Monica: Come on! Come on, it'll be fun! It'll make me feel so much better. Chandler: Look, I appreciate it, but uh, it's a little creepy. Y'know? I'm not a bachelor anymore. Monica: So don't think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a...a two month anniversary present. Ross: Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance! (Joey nods his agreement.) Monica: Please! I feel so bad! Just watch the hot woman get naked! Chandler: All right fine! But I'm only doing this for you! Joey: Yeah! Chandler: And Joey. Monica: Thank you. All right, now who else do you want to invite? Chandler: Ah, no-no-no just Ross. Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough. Ross: Uh actually, sorry I can't even make it. I'm seeing Mona again tonight. Chandler: I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor party? Joey: (on cell phone) I'm sorry I gotta cancel tonight baby... [Scene: The Restaurant, dinner has ended and Phoebe and Rachel are talking. Dr. Green is not at the table.] Phoebe: I'm sorry I won't be able to make it to your imaginary wedding, but I'm really busy that day. Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism and a leprechaun bar mitzvah. Rachel: I know. I know. I panicked, I panicked. I didn't want him to start yelling at me like I was some '74 Latour. Phoebe: It's Lafite. The '74 Latour is actually drinking quite nicely. Rachel: All right here he comes. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna tell him, I'm gonna be strong. Dr. Green: I just called a friend of mine. Rachel: Yeah? Dr. Green: I think I may be able to book The Plaza on short notice. Rachel: Really?! The Plaza?!! Oh daddy!! (Hugs him and Phoebe glares at her.) Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. Please, sit down. Dr. Green: What is it sweetie? Rachel: There's not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married. Dr. Green: What?! Rachel: I'm sorry daddy. Dr. Green: I don't believe this!! Rachel: Oh now daddy, stay calm. Please. Dr. Green: Stay calm?!! How do you expect me to stay calm?! This is unacceptable Rachel! And I wanna know why?!! Is it because that punk Ross won't marry you?! That's it! Is that it?! Rachel: Yes. Yes, he says I'm damaged goods. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler's bachelor party has begun, what there is of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to be a Burger King paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of Budweisers on ice.] Joey: So you uh, nervous about getting married? Chandler: What are you doing? Joey: Look, look let's pretend it's a real bachelor party. Okay? Y'know? Before your wedding. Come on, it'll be fun. Chandler: Okay. I can't believe tomorrow's the big day. Joey: How does it feel knowing you're never gonna be with another woman again huh? Knowing you're gonna have to wake up to the same face everyday until you finally have the sweet release of death. Chandler: You're right, this is more fun. (There's a knock on the door.) Joey: That's her! Okay, come on! (They go over and open the door.) Stripper: Hi! Chandler: Hi. (Joey blows on a noisemaker.) Stripper: So which one of you lucky boys is Chandler? Joey: Uh, that-that's-that's me! Chandler: That's me. Joey: Joey Tribbiani, a big fan. Stripper: So is that a bedroom? (Points to the guestroom.) Chandler: Yeah, yeah right over there. Stripper: All right, whenever you're ready. (She goes into the bedroom.) Chandler: That was weird. Joey: Why-why would she go in the bedroom? Stripper: I'm waiting. (They both slowly enter the bedroom and quickly walk back out.) Chandler: So she's a... Joey: Yeah, that's one naked hooker! [Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross and Mona are sitting on the couch.] Mona: I love your place! Where is this guy from? (A statue from the top of his apothecary table.) Ross: Uh that's an eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta. Mona: Oh wow! So, you're more than just dinosaurs. Ross: So much more. (They start making out and she kicks the eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta off of his apothecary table from the days of yore and the magical city of White Plains.) Mona: Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm so sorry! Ross: Aw forget it, it's from Pier One. (There's an angry knock on the door.) Sorry. (Goes and opens the door to an irate Dr. Green.) Dr. Green: You think you can knock up my daughter and then not marry her?! I'm gonna kill you!! Ross: Y'know this is actually not a great time for me. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Ross's Apartment, continued from earlier.] Dr. Green: So? Come on! Explain yourself Geller! First you get my Rachel pregnant! Mona: You got Rachel pregnant?! Ross: Who did?! Dr. Green: You did! Ross: Yes. Yes, yes I did. (To Mona) But-but it was, it was just a one night thing. It meant nothing. Dr. Green: Oh? Really? That's what my daughter means to you? Nothing? Ross: No! No sir umm, she means a lot to me. I mean, I care-I-I love Rachel. Mona: What?! Ross: (to Mona) Oh but not that way. I mean...I mean I'm not in love with her. I love her like a, like a friend. Dr. Green: Oh really? That's how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and then refuse to marry her? Ross: (to Dr. Green) Hey! I offered to marry her! Mona: Wh... Ross: (To Mona) But I didn't want to. Dr. Green: Well why not? So you can spend your time with this tramp?! Mona: Tramp?! Ross: I'm sorry. Dr. Green, Mona. Mona, Dr. Green. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are discussing what to do about the now naked hooker in the guestroom.] Chandler: I can't believe there is a naked hooker in there! Joey: Wait! Wait! Maybe she's a hooker and a stripper, but she got confused about what she's supposed to do. Chandler: Could be. I mean technically she did strip, we just, we just missed it. (Walks towards the bedroom.) Ma'am, are you also a stripper? Hooker: Uh, no. But I could pretend to strip, but that's gonna cost extra. Okay, here's the extras, handcuffs, spanking... (Chandler grunts for her not to continue and Joey pulls him back into the kitchen.) Joey: Maybe Monica's playing a joke on ya. Y'know? Getting her own husband a hooker, that's pretty funny. Chandler: That is funny, maybe for my birthday she'll murder someone. Joey: I bet Ross was in on it too. I mean he was conveniently busy. Hooker: Do you mind if I smoke in here? Chandler: Oh actually, I'd rather you...Yeah, go ahead. We're gonna have to burn that room down anyway. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Ross's Apartment, continued from earlier.] Mona: How could you have kept all of this from me? Ross: I was going to tell you, but... Dr. Green: But what?! You figured you'd get what you wanted and then dump her like you dumped Rachel! Ross: Hey! I did not dump Rachel! (To Mona) Nor are we still together. (The phone rings and Ross goes to answer it, only he's trapped behind the apothecary table by Dr. Green.) Can I just... (Dr. Green glares at him.) Why don't we just let the machine get that? Joey: (on machine) Hey Ross. It's Joey. There's a hooker over here and we thought maybe you'd know something about it. Ross: No! No! No! No! No! I-I-I-I-I need to, I need to lie down. [Scene: Monica's Restaurant's Kitchen, she's cooking as one of her waiters, Stu, comes over to talk to her.] Stu: So, tonight's the night of the big bachelor party? Monica: Yeah! Hey! Thanks for getting me that girl's number. Stu: No problem. So who's the party for? Monica: My husband. Stu: You hired your husband a hooker? Monica: She's a stripper. Stu: No, she's a hooker. Monica: Is that, is that what they call strippers sometimes? Stu: When they're hookers. Monica: Oh my God Stu! I-I can't believe you did this! Now are you absolutely sure she's a hooker? Stu: Either that or she's just the best, most expensive date I ever had. (Monica runs out.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still deciding what to do about the hooker.] Joey: Maybe she meant to get you a hooker. Chandler: Why would she do that? Joey: Maybe she wants you to learn something. Huh? Now is there anything you're really bad at y'know, sexually? Chandler: This is the worst bachelor party ever! Hooker: What's taking you boys so long? Joey: In a minute! Chandler: (To Joey) In a minute? What's gonna happen in a minute?! Joey: All right, all right maybe-maybe you should just ask her to leave. Chandler: Why me?! Joey: Hey! It's your bachelor party. Chandler: Which is why you should do it. Joey: I don't want to. You do it! Chandler: You do it! Joey: You do it! Chandler: All right Rock, Paper, Scissors who has to tell the whore to leave! (Joey smirks.) What? Joey: I miss this. Chandler: I don't think we've actually done this before! Joey: No, I-I miss hanging out with you. Chandler: Well we...we still hang out. Joey: Not like we used to. Remember? You and me used to be inseparable. Y'know now it's like...things are different. Chandler: Well y'know, things are different. I'm...I'm married now. Joey: Oh sure-And hey, don't get me wrong, I am so happy for you guys. I just...I miss...hanging out...just-just us, y'know? Chandler: Yeah, I miss that too. I tell you what; from now on we'll make time to hang out with each other. Joey: You got it. Come here. (They hug and are observed by the hooker.) Hooker: Oh God! Listen, I am this close to robbing you guys. (Does the close sign.) Monica: (entering quickly) She's a hooker! She's a hooker! She's a... (Stops as she sees her.) Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone. (Goes and shakes the hooker's hand.) [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are at the counter as Ross enters.] Ross: So your dad dropped by. He's a pleasant man! Rachel: (quietly) Oh no... Phoebe: I'd better go. (She goes and sits down in the La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000, the chair that Sit magazine called chair of the year, and they both look at her.) Just over here: I don't want to miss the fight. Rachel: Ross I'm so sorry. Okay. I-I will promise I will straighten this out with him tomorrow in person, or via e-mail. Ross: I don't care about your dad! I care about Mona! She was there and now she's totally freaked out! Rachel: Oh okay, I'll fix that to. What's her e-mail address? Ross: Rachel! Rachel: All right, I promise. I'll fix this. I swear. I'll-I'll-I'll-I'll talk to her. Ross: Okay! Rachel: Okay. Ross: Thank you! Phoebe: That's it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a break!" "No we weren't!" What happened to you two?! [Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross is opening the door to Mona. Rachel is there as well.] Ross: Thank you so much for coming back over. Mona: Oh good, you're here. Yeah, and I was worried that it was going to be uncomfortable. Rachel: I know Mona, just hear me out. First of all, I'm so sorry about my father yelling at you, but I heard you totally held your own. You're gonna have to tell me how you did that. Ross: Focus. Rachel: Okay. Um...But-Okay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are gonna have a baby. But we are definitely not getting back together. Mona: How can I be sure on that? Rachel: Oh we just-we drove each other crazy! Ross: Yeah. Rachel: I mean he was possessive, he was jealous, he could never just let the little things go! Ross: Trying to date this woman. Rachel: Right! But, none of that compared to how kind and-and how gentle and thoughtful he is. (Rubbing his shoulder.) Ross: Probably shouldn't touch me. Mona: Y'know, I-I-I just...I don't want to get in the middle of something so complicated. Rachel: I know, I get it, but Mona, what relationship is not complicated? I mean we all have our baggage! You must too! Why else would you still be single? (Mona looks at her.) I am so gonna leave right now. (Ross opens the door for her and she leaves.) Ross: Should I leave this open for you too? Mona: I'm not sure yet. Why didn't you just tell me about all this? Ross: Because what's going on with Rachel has nothing to do with how I feel about you. Mona: Yeah? Well you still shoulda told me. Ross: I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it from Rachel's father. Look I...I made a mistake, but it's only because I really, really like you. Really! Mona: Okay, I guess you can...close the door now. (He does so and they kiss.) Rachel: (entering) Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.) Oh, you guys made up. (To Mona) He's a good kisser isn't he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.) I'm going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the bachelor party has ended and Monica is trying to explain herself to Chandler.] Monica: I swear I didn't know she was a hooker! I mean wh-Did you let her smoke in here? Chandler: Her ass print is still on your grandmother's quilt, do you really want to talk about smoking? Monica: Y'know what? I'm gonna make this up to you. I promised you a stripper (turns on the radio), and you're gonna get a stripper. (She starts to strip.) Chandler: Monica! Wait! Monica: What? Chandler: (puts on his crown) Carry on. (She does so by taking off her jacket seductively, only she has trouble getting one hand out and slams the jacket on the chair angrily to remove it.) Monica: Ooh, these tennis shoes are so tight. I think I'll take them off. (Goes to do so.) Chandler: Could you not narrate? Monica: Gotcha sailor. (Kicks one of her shoes off and it lands in the kitchen knocking something down, but she continues to strip.) Closing Credits [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is being yelled at by her dad over the phone, and he's been going on for so long Rachel is holding the phone away from her ear and reading a book.] Dr. Green: (on phone) ...just because you're not in love with the guy you can't... Phoebe: (entering, quietly) Wow, you told your dad the truth. Rachel: About an hour ago. Phoebe: Wanna go see a movie? Rachel: Yes! (She gets up and sets the phone on the counter without hanging it up.) Bye daddy. (Phoebe and her leave.) Dr. Green: (on phone, not hearing her) ...there's gonna be a wedding! (Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) That's unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for the source.) ...constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and puts it to his ear.) Joey: (on phone) Hey! I do too think about the consequences of my decisions! (Listens) What gives you the right to... (Listens) Go to hell! (Hangs up the phone and opens the fridge.) Stupid guy on my phone.
Plan: A: dinner; Q: What does Rachel have with her dad to tell him she is pregnant? A: Dr. Green; Q: Who threatens Ross? A: Mona; Q: Who is Ross in a relationship with? A: Monica; Q: Who hires a stripper for Chandler? A: a hooker; Q: What is the stripper Monica hired for Chandler's bachelor party actually? Summary: Rachel has dinner with her dad to tell him she is pregnant, but intimidated by him, she lies and says Ross is un-supportive. Dr. Green then threatens Ross which nearly ruins his budding romance with Mona. Meanwhile Monica hires a stripper for Chandler who never got to have a bachelor party, unaware the woman is actually a hooker.
[Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and the baby are there. Everyone is looking down at the baby who is in the bassinet.] Phoebe: Ooh, I could eat him up! I swear I could with a little ranch dressing. Piper: Okay, but let's not, okay? Phoebe: I can't make that promise. Leo: Okay, don't listen to your aunties, okay, they're a little kooky. Us guys gotta stick together, don't we, Peter? Piper: Peter? Leo: Peter. I'm just floating it. Piper: Hmm, is your name Peter? Phoebe: Well, for what it's worth, I dated a Peter in high school and he wasn't very nice. Paige: Yeah, you know, for what it's worth, it's kind of the name of the appendage that he has that surprised us all so much. It might get him teased at school. Leo: Okay, no Peter, but we're running out of P's. Paige: I can't believe you never thought of P boy names. Piper: Well, when I went to the future I had a little girl and obviously that has changed, as has a lot of things but, um, I'm still having trouble letting go of the name we settled on. Phoebe: Yeah, well, Prudence Melinda might get him in trouble at school too. Paige: I'm thinking that's probably true, although he could just zap them onto a roof like Harry Potter would or something. Leo: God, I hope not. Phoebe: Aren't you excited to see what his powers are? Piper: Excited, terrified. I mean, after seeing what the kid can do inside the womb, he's no muggle. Phoebe: Hey, what about Potter? Potter Halliwell. Or is it Wyatt? Leo: No, it's definitely Halliwell. Demons fear it, good magic respects it. I want what's best for him. That's why I'm gonna say no to Potter. (The baby starts to cry.) Piper: Oh, somebody's getting very sleepy. Come on. Shh. (Phoebe hugs the bassinet.) Phoebe: We love you, we love you, baby, so much. Love you, love you, love you. Bye, baby. (Phoebe and Paige leave the room. Piper tucks the baby in with a blanket embroidered with the triquetra symbol on it.) Piper: You're perfect, you perfect little creature. [Cut to the hallway.] Paige: It's too bad with all the powers your baby has, sleeping through the night is not one of them. Piper: Yeah, I'm sorry about that, you guys. (Phoebe walks into her room.) Maybe we can cast some kind of sound proofing spell around our bedroom so you don't have to deal with... Paige: No way, it'll interfere with the baby's alarm system. Piper: Which works how exactly? Paige: Ah, pretty basic stuff. I just enchanted a few cowry shells. Leo: Well, it's not going to shock anything, is it? Paige: In the nursery? I'm not a total idiot. It'll just alert us to the presence of evil so we can all sleep a little sounder. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I need to apply some under eye makeup to these dark circles that your sweet baby caused. (Paige goes into her room and closes the door. Phoebe sneaks out of her room, heading for Piper's.) Piper: Where are you going? Phoebe: I'm just gonna go watch him sleep for a little while. Piper: Phoebe. You must go to work. Leo: Yeah, aren't you supposed to meet the new owner of the paper today? Phoebe: I know, but it's so hard to leave him. Shouldn't there be some sort of maternity leave for new aunties? Piper: Phoebe, the club is not raking in the dough these days and Paige is unemployed, the cost of diapers... We kind of need you to keep your job. Phoebe: You're right, you're right, I'll go. Just, no Peter, okay? And no Patrick. And I really think you should consider Potter because it's a great name. Okay. Just don't make any decisions until I get back, please. Piper: Time to go. Phoebe: And do me a favour and kiss his little toes for me when he wakes up. (Phoebe leaves.) Leo: When are you going to talk to her? Piper: Oh, she's just excited. Leo: Excited, obsessed. Piper: Why? Because she wants to watch her nephew sleep? Leo: No, because yesterday she was giving you breast feeding advice and now she wants maternity leave. Piper: Well, she knows a lot about breasts. And she's an aunt, that's what they do. It's family, you know. Leo: Okay, well, how is mummy doing? (Leo puts his arms around Piper.) Piper: Mummy's tired. And happy. (They kiss.) Leo: Wanna try and get some sleep? Piper: Mm-hm. (They kiss again. Suddenly, an alarm goes off. Paige runs out of her bedroom.) Paige: The baby! Piper: What? Paige: The baby! (Paige runs in between them and heads for Piper's bedroom. Piper and Leo follow.) [Cut to Piper's bedroom. Two demons are standing over the baby's bassinet. Paige runs in followed by Piper and Leo.] Paige: Hey! (A force field appears around the baby's bassinet and knocks the demons to their feet. Piper blows up one of the demons. The other demon shimmers out.) Piper: Son of a...! (The force field vanishes. They walk over to the baby who is crying.) Leo: Way to go, little guy. Way to use your powers. (Piper picks up the baby.) Piper: Are you okay? No, you're okay, it's alright, you're okay. Paige: Did they scare you? Piper: You're okay. You're okay. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige walk in.] Piper: It just pisses me off. I can't believe they would come in the house and and try to steal the baby. Paige: Piper, demons aren't exactly known for their moral compass. At least he'll be safe with the Elders until we can figure it out. (They walk over to the Book of Shadows.) Piper: But he's just a baby. He's small and little and innocent. Paige: It's okay. He's got that invincibility thing going on. Hey, do you think that's permanent or is it like a baby teeth thing? Piper: I have no idea but the demons saw the force field, they're gonna find a way around it. Paige: Unless they can get up to Elder-land, he's gonna be fine. Piper: Well, he can't stay up there forever. Paige: That's what we're here for. No one is going to steal him. I promise you that. (Leo orbs in with the baby.) Piper: Leo? Leo: They wouldn't keep him. Piper: What? Why? Did you tell them what's going on? Leo: They want us to prove to ourselves that we can protect him like your mum and grams did for you. (The baby starts to cry. Piper takes him from Leo.) Piper: Oh, no, it's okay, we don't need them anyway. It's alright. (Piper sits down on the couch. Leo sits beside her.) Leo: Are you okay? Piper: I'm having some severe separation anxiety issues. Leo: We can do this. (Paige turns to a page in the Book of Shadows.) Paige: Hey, here he is, the Hawker Demon. "A breed of demon known for hawking magical goods at the demonic market." Piper: Magical goods? My baby is a magical good? That is sick and twisted. Leo: The question is who would wanna buy him and why? [Scene: Demon Marketplace. The place is crowded with funky looking demons buying weapons, books, ingredients for potions... At a stall, a gypsy is tied up. Two Parasite Demons with bleached white hair and red eyes are there with the Hawker Demon.] Parasite Demon #1: We paid you for a baby, not a gypsy! Hawker: And I told you the little brat had a force field protecting it. Parasite Demon #2: Which is why we want it, you idiot. The shield is what makes that kid a perfect battery. Parasite Demon #1: A self-sustaining, never ending source of magical power. We tap into that power and it will return us to our former strength. Parasite Demon #2: Or would you have us stay weaklings, Hawker, doomed to feed on the magic of others forever? Hawker: Look, I am sorry that the witch cursed you, and I'm sorry that you lost all of your powers, that's a tough break. But it's not my fault. Crone: Hawker! (A woman with greyish long hair and wearing black clothes approaches them.) Hawker: Madame, how may I serve you today? Crone: The eyes of two dozen adult brown bats and a large boar's tongue, please. Hawker: Right away. (Hawker gets the tongue and eyes and wraps them in some paper.) Parasite Demon #1: We're not finished here. She can wait her turn. Crone: Bottom feeders. (She looks at a jar of eyes.) What is it that's keeping you alive today, hm? Feed on a troll for breakfast this morning? Parasite Demon #2: Back off, Crone. (They glare at each other. Crone then turns to Hawker.) Crone: I sense danger, Hawker. The task these leeches seek you for will bring only death and destruction, and not to our enemies. Turn them away. Hawker: Your order, madam. (He holds out the wrapped up tongue and eyes. She hands him some coins and takes it. She walks away.) Parasite Demon #1: You're not gonna listen to that crazy old wretch, are you? Hawker: Crone's wisdom is ancient and renowned. I have already lost one demon on this job. Now, you either take the gypsy or nothing. Parasite Demon #2: We'll take the gypsy to tide us over, and we'll double the bounty on the infant. Parasite Demon #1: Or maybe we'll pay that to another Hawker. In which case the bounty will be on your head. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Main room. Phoebe and employees are gathered around the room.] Elise: I know it's not much of a choice but there it is. We find ways to make him happy or we find new jobs. Phoebe: Well, he can't be any tougher to please than you, right Elise? (They all laugh.) Elise: One can only hope. All I know is his name is Jason Dean, he's new money, some kind of dot com millionaire, and he's known for his shaking up the companies that he buys. Kate: Shaking up as in layoffs? Elise: Honestly, Kate, you know as much as I do. Kate: So you don't know if you'll be employed tomorrow either. Elise: Look, guys, he'll be here soon and we can get a better read then. In the meantime I suggest we all get back to work. Phoebe: Work, schmirk. I got baby pictures here. Gather around, people. (Everyone stands around Phoebe while she hands out photos of her nephew.) You are looking at six pounds, eight ounces of pure deliciousness. Woman: How's your sister doing? Phoebe: Healthy as a horse. Woman: You think he's gonna keep those blue eyes? Phoebe: You know, he might because his daddy has light eyes. (Jason Dean joins the crowd.) Jason: How old is he? Phoebe: Three weeks today. Jason: Wow. You look pretty good for a woman who had a baby three weeks ago. Phoebe: Oh, no, I'm not his mummy, I'm just his... (She looks at the handsome man.) Auntie. Hi, have we met? Jason: Jason Dean. Phoebe: Oh, god! (Elise rushes to him.) Elise: I'm sorry, y-y-you're Mr. Dean? Jason: Jason, please. Phoebe: Wow, that-that's some weird stuff because you're really... young, young. Jason: Yeah. Phoebe: Yeah. (Phoebe nervously fans her face with the photos.) Jason: You know it's strange. I always pictured a newspaper bullpen as being a little more, I don't know, bustling. Phoebe: Bus-bus-bustle. (Everyone quickly gets back to work.) Jason: Oh, hey, no. (He laughs.) Elise: I'm Elise Rothman. Let me show you around. Jason: Honestly, Elise, I didn't mean to insult your team. I grew up reading comic books, The Daily Planet, bustled. Phoebe: Yeah, well, in all fairness, Superman can move faster than a speeding bullet, so he's got a little leg up on the bustling, you know? Jason: A woman who knows her superheroes. I'm impressed. Phoebe: I-I'm Phoebe. (She shakes his hand.) Jason: I know. I've been doing a lot of homework, a lot of reading. Circulation is down and... (He looks down and Phoebe is still shaking his hand.) Phoebe: Oh, sorry. Jason: I plan to bring it up and from what I've seen that's gonna start with you. Phoebe: Wow, that's really sweet. (to Elise) Isn't that sweet? Did you hear that? I'm sorry about the little picture show, you know? Jason: Oh, if I had a nephew that cute I'd show him off too. The best I can do is... (He pulls out his wallet and shows her a picture of a dog.) Picture of my dog. (He smiles. Phoebe takes his wallet and looks closer at the picture.) Elise: Mr. Dean, if you'd like I could give you a tour. Jason: Great. Phoebe. (She gives him back his wallet.) Let's talk soon. Phoebe: He has your eyes. (Jason laughs. Elise and Jason walk away. Phoebe continues to fan her face with the photos and goes into her office.) [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Paige walks in through the door and walks into the parlor where Piper, Leo and the baby are. Piper and Leo are looking at the family tree.] Paige: Well, the neighbours who don't already think we're crazy now officially do. But the house is surrounded by apples and sage. Piper: Thank you. I know you think it's a waste of time but... Paige: Well, you know, if it worked we would've done it already. Piper: Every little bit helps. Paige: Alright. How's your ritual coming? Piper: It's not. Paige: What? I thought you were gonna try to call the baby's fairy guards. Piper: We were, we are, but to perform the ritual properly you have to have a name for the baby first. Leo: So we busted out the family tree hoping to find some new ideas. Paige: Let me see. (She sits beside them.) Okay, right away I'm gonna say I'm against the name Herbert. Piper: Yeah, we already vetoed Clarence and Milton as well. (Paige looks at the bottom of the paper.) Paige: Not to be too self-centred but where am I on the tree? Leo: Oh, uh... Piper: Well, we haven't had a chance to update it lately. Paige: Oh, right. Leo: Yeah, the baby's not even on there either. Paige: Well, yeah, that's because he doesn't have a name yet, Leo. Piper: Well, Paige, it's just a piece of paper, it doesn't mean anything. Paige: I know that. Anyway, wiccan rituals and fairy guards notwithstanding, I think it's time we bust out some serious ammo. Piper: As in...? Paige: As in a good old fashioned demon hunt. I say we bypass the Hawker and go for the jerk that hired him to steal the baby in the first place. Leo: How? Paige: Not so sure just yet but I will say this. Once we find him, we use him to send a message, "If you come after this baby you will die in the cruellest manor possible. (The baby starts to cry and Piper goes to the bassinet.) Piper: Well, I like the message. Um, you know, except... (Piper picks up the baby and carries him to a change table.) Paige: Except? Piper: Except for the part where I have to leave my newborn child to go demon hunting. I'm just, I'm not ready. Paige: Okay, fine, I can understand that. I'll just, uh, I'll take Phoebe. (Piper changes the baby's diaper.) Leo: Except that she's got a really big day at work today and we kinda need her money right now. Paige: I'll go by myself. Leo: No way, you don't even know what kind of demon we're up against. Paige: Fine, but I am the baby's godmother. It's my job to protect him and if I don't stop him, the Hawker will come back. Leo: Alright, then let's get ready for him. Piper: Exactly. We'll lay a trap for him. Maybe we'll kidnap him and sell him to the highest bidder. (Piper picks up the baby and puts him back in the bassinet.) What do you think? That's a good idea. Leo: Then we can find out who hired him and force him to take us to them. Paige: No, it sounds risky. Leo: Well, he has his own force field and your alarm system. It's no more risky than you going off on your own on some wild goose chase. Piper: He's right, you should go get the crystals for the trap. Paige: Fine. (Paige goes upstairs. The phone rings. Leo answers it.) Leo: Hello? Piper: Shh! Phoebe: Don't hello me. You know who I'm calling to talk to. (Leo walks into the conservatory.) Leo: Well, he's resting right now. How'd it go with the new boss? Phoebe: Oh, Jason Dean? I wanna bury his children but that's beside the point. Now let me talk to... Leo: What? You have a crush on the new boss? Phoebe: I don't think I like your tone of voice, mister. Now please let me talk to my nephew, I don't want him to forget my voice. Leo: Well, he needs his rest. It's-it's been a little hectic around here. Phoebe: Hectic? What do you mean, hectic? Leo: Well, I didn't want to worry you but there was an attack. They were after the baby. Phoebe: What? Why didn't you tell me? Leo: I did tell you. I-I just told you. Phoebe: Okay, well, I'm coming home. Leo: You don't have to, we have it under control, there's nothing to worry about. We'll call you if we need you. Phoebe: Leo, this is my nephew we're talking about, okay? You should've called me. I'll just tell Jason that I have to work from home for the rest of the day. (She hangs up.) [Cut to The Bay Mirror. Elise's office. Elise and Jason are there.] Jason: In today's market image and content are inseparable. We could publish a Pulitzer-Prize winning article but with our puny circulation, who's gonna notice? (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Hi. Is this a bad time? Jason: No, come in, come in. Here, look at this woman. Beautiful, smart, funny. And she can write. With the right exposure, she could kick Dear Abby down into the bush leagues. She's a commodity. Phoebe: Thank you, I-I think. Now that I have your attention... Elise: And we've worked hard to capitalise on her. She has billboards, she's done guest spots on local radio shows, she did that spread in 415 magazine. Jason: And don't think I didn't see it. What I was wondering was what we could do differently with regard to content. Elise: Content? Jason: I was thinking we expand her column. Have her write a series of features road testing her own advice, or a series on the best singles spots in San Francisco based on her own undercover experience. Elise: I like it. Phoebe and I can work this afternoon, put some ideas together... Phoebe: No, we can't. I'm sorry, but I have to work from home for the rest of the afternoon. Jason: Why? Phoebe: Why? Uh, well, because I have a new baby... a new nephew at home and he demands a lot of attention... Jason: But he's got parents, right? Is there something here I'm missing? Phoebe: No. Look, Elise has never minded me working from home. Elise: Yes, but Phoebe, we're talking about expanding your column. I should think you'd want a hand in what that's going to look like. Phoebe: Well, of course I do, Elise, but... Jason: Are we not paying you enough? Phoebe: No, that's not it. Jason: Okay, sit down with Elise, come up with some new ideas, and while you're at it discuss what you think your new salary should be. We'll meet again late this afternoon. (His cell phone rings and he answers it.) Yeah? Great. (He leaves the office.) [Scene: Manor. Parlor. Piper and Leo are there looking at their baby.] Piper: Why would somebody want to hurt something so innocent? (Leo points at Paige who is asleep on the couch. They walk into the conservatory.) Poor Paige. She's getting all the hassles of parenthood with none of the rewards. Leo: I think a smile from her nephew is all she'll ever want. It's gonna be okay, Piper. Piper: How? Leo: Because babies are resilient and ours has a little extra of that. Piper: But even so, I mean, it can't be good for him. Even if he can handle the demons, he must sense the tension which means at the very best, we end up with a neurotic infant. Leo: Look on the bright side, growing up with your sisters, he was bound to be neurotic anyway. (They laugh and hug. Suddenly, Paige comes flying in the room. The baby alarm goes off. Piper and Leo run into the parlor to see the Hawker and another demon there. The demon has a red beam of light hitting the bassinet which is causing it to float in mid-air.) Piper: No! (Piper dives on the bassinet pushes it out of the beam's way. They land on the floor. Leo tackles the two demons.) Paige: Leo! (Leo gets out of the way and Paige puts down a crystal near the demons creating a crystal cage. The demons scream and they are vanquished, leaving only a knife.) I guess I over charged it. (Paige picks up the knife. Leo rushes over to Piper and the baby. The baby cries.) Piper: I got you, bub. You're alright. Leo: How's my little buddy doing, huh? Piper: I think we need a little bit of healing here. Leo: Well, he looks fine to me. Piper: Not him, me. (She looks down at her leg and falls back unconscious. Paige and Leo look at the broken bone sticking out of Piper's leg. They wince at the sight.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Parlor. Paige has propped Piper's head onto her lap. Leo is about to heal Piper's leg.] Leo: Okay, now, easy, watch her head. Alright, make sure you hold her hands, we don't want her blowing anything up. (Paige holds Piper's arms.) Paige: Just do it. (Leo heals Piper's leg and Piper sits up quickly.) Piper: Where's the baby? Leo: It's alright, honey, he's okay. Piper: They knew about the force field, they almost blew him out of the window. Leo: Yeah, but they didn't, and right now our concern is about you. Piper: Me? Why? I'm healed. Leo: Yes, but the fact is that you needed to be healed, that's what I'm talking about. Piper: Yeah, I guess I'm not so invincible anymore, huh? Paige: Well, it makes sense since you got the power from him and he's not inside you anymore. Leo: I was just hoping he would've left a little bit behind for mama. Piper: Well, the theory did occur to me but I haven't had a chance to test it out. Leo: This is serious, Piper. You need to learn how to be careful again now that you're vulnerable. Piper: I don't have to luxury of being careful now that half of demonville is after our child. Paige: Um, what do you think about using he athame to scry for the demonic market? I mean, it makes sense that the Hawker demon got it there. Piper: Yeah? Paige: We can disguise ourselves as demons, infiltrate the market and pretend that we know how to get the Charmed Ones' baby. Piper: It's a smart plan. Then we could find out what sicko is in the market to buy him. Paige: Right, then we vanquish them, everyone they've ever met, and proceed with our original demon killing, message sending plan. Piper: It's a very wordy, very good plan. Leo: Oh, it's a good idea to send the mother of my child into the hornets nest because you overcharged the trap? Paige: Oh, gee, one little mistake, man. Piper: It's okay, she's right, we can go. Paige: Right. (Paige gets up.) You sure you're okay to do this? (Piper thinks for a moment.) Piper: No, I can't go. Paige: Okay, I'll just go check the Book of Shadows, see if I missed anything. He'll be okay. (Paige leaves the room.) Piper: I think it's time we called Phoebe. Leo: I called her, she said she was on her way home. I'll call her again. (Leo gets up and goes to the phone.) Piper: You're okay, little guy, we're not gonna let anybody steal you. [Cut to Piper's room. Paige walks in and goes over to the bassinet. She picks up the blanket with the triquetra symbol on it.] [Cut to the woods. Paige is there wearing a tight short blue dress and a blonde wig. She is holding the baby blanket.] Paige: It's okay, Paige, it's okay. I fought fairytales earlier this year, you can do this, you can do this. (Suddenly, an energy ball flies out of nowhere and hits Paige in the chest. She falls flat on her face. Two demon guards literally walk out of two trees. Demon Guard #1: Lost, little girl? (Paige gets up.) Paige: You have a really messed up idea of customer service. Demon Guard #2: What? Paige: I am a dissatisfied customer. (She pulls a knife out from under the blanket.) I bought this athame here at the market. It's supposed to flame. It doesn't. I paid a pretty penny for it too. And for what? It almost got me killed trying to steal the Charmed Ones' baby. You know what I got for my efforts? A nice little blanket. Mm, sweet. Oh, and the Hawker who hired me? He got eighty-sixed, so I didn't even get a pay day. Demon Guard #1: Who are you? Paige: I told you, I'm a dissatisfied customer. (Paige stabs Guard #2 in the stomach and vanquishes him.) See? No flame. (Demon Guard #1 waves his arm and a portal-like door to the market appears between two trees. Paige walks through into the market. The Demon Guard waves his arm again and closes the portal door.) [Cut to the market. Paige walks through the busy street.] [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Elise's office. Phoebe, Elise and Jason are there.] Phoebe: So we thought I could hit up a couple of clubs around town and try out the pick-up lines that I suggested in my column. Elise: Then she'll report back on how they work off the page and in the world. Jason: I love it. It's sexy as hell. Phoebe: Okay, great. So why don't I go home and try to work on... (Jason's phone rings and he answers it.) Jason: Yeah? Uh-huh... no... no, definitely not. Great. (He hangs up. Phoebe impatiently taps her pen on her book.) Are you okay? Phoebe: Yeah, I'm fine. I just, I have a little blood sugar issue, it's nothing serious but I have to eat. Jason: Say no more. You like Chinese? Food, not people. Phoebe: I really need to get home. Jason: Elise, could you excuse us for a moment? Elise: Sure. I'll just, um... be over here. (Elise walks past Phoebe and mouths something to her. She leaves.) Jason: Is this about your sister's baby again? Phoebe: Yes, it is actually. I need to go spend some time with him. Jason: With your sister's baby? Phoebe: Yes. Look, you may not understand but that baby needs me right now. Jason: Is your sister a single parent? Phoebe: No. Jason: Look, Phoebe, I think it's really wonderful that you love your nephew this much, I really do. But you have a job. Phoebe: Yeah, and I think I do it pretty well. Jason: Yes, you do. Until recently. Phoebe: Excuse me? Jason: I spent some of the afternoon going over your columns from the last few weeks, (he walks past Phoebe and Phoebe takes the opportunity to check out his butt. He walks around Elise's desk and sits down.) and they've become very... Phoebe: What? Jason: Baby-centric. They're all about diapers and mother's milk. They don't even read like you, they've lost your edge. You're sexy. Phoebe: Okay, any writer, any good writer, uses their life experiences in their work. Jason: That's true. But if all you've got to inform your work is someone else's baby, maybe you need to re-evaluate your priorities. (There's a knock on the door and Phoebe's assistant walks in.) Assistant: I'm sorry, Mr. Dean, but Phoebe, your brother-in-law is on the phone and it's the third time he's called. Phoebe: What? Why didn't you tell me. (Phoebe rushes out of the office.) [Cut to the manor. Parlor. Piper and the baby are there. Leo orbs in with Phoebe.] Phoebe: I don't understand. Why didn't you juts orb for me when they wouldn't put me through? (Phoebe rushes over to the bassinet.) Leo: Because I didn't want to leave the house unless it was absolutely necessary. Phoebe: Oh, right. Okay, so there was another kidnap attempt? (Phoebe reaches in to pick up the baby but Piper stops her.) Piper: Yes, shh. (They move away from the bassinet.) Phoebe: I can't believe they didn't put you through. Leo: They said you were in an important meeting and the boss said that you shouldn't be disturbed. Phoebe: Unbelievable. And he says I have my priorities mixed up? Leo: Who? Phoebe: Jason Dean. Leo: Jason. (Looks at Piper.) Jason Halli... Phoebe: Oh, don't even think about it, mister. Piper: Please tell me you didn't get fired. Phoebe: No, I didn... I don't think I did. (The baby wakes up and starts to cry. The baby alarm goes off.) What the hell is that? Piper: Baby alarm. Phoebe: What? (Phoebe rushes over to the baby and picks him up. The alarm stops.) I know, so much excitement. What was that alerting us to exactly? Leo: Demons, there's supposed to be demons in the house. Phoebe: Look at that, he's not even crying. You are so brave. You're like a little brave soldier. Leo: Maybe the alarm is faulty. Piper: Paige would know. Where is Paige? [Cut to the attic. Piper, carrying the baby, Leo and Phoebe walk in.] Piper: Oh my god, she's not here. Phoebe: Okay, why is that an 'oh my god'? (Piper puts the baby into the attic's bassinet.) Leo: The scyring tools are out. (Piper looks on the table.) Piper: The hand grenade potion is gone. Phoebe: Will some please tell me what's going on here? (Piper picks up a piece of paper.) What is that, a spell? Piper: No, it's a note. "Gone to market. Back soon." Phoebe: Okay, well, that's good news, right? She went to the market. Right? (Piper sighs.) [Scene: Demonic Market. Paige is walking down the busy street with a large demon.] Demon Saleswoman: Come on, guys, this is top of the line. The power to throw fireballs twenty yards. Now let's hear a serious offer. Large Demon: Now, if you need any powers, there's where to go. (Paige laughs.) Paige: You're such a great tour guide. (They pass a demon selling tonics.) Demon Salesman: Looking for that little something extra? You didn't become a demon to just stand on the sidelines. Now, watch and see what my permutonic can do for you. (He drinks the tonic and becomes a large muscular demon. The crowd is amazed. Paige and the large demon stop.) Large Demon: I think up there's the guys you're looking for. The parasites. Paige: Oh, parasites? Should I be frightened? Large Demon: Nah. They were bad-ass once but some witch cursed them, took away their powers. Pitiful little bastards. Even a girl like you could take them. Paige: Oh, really? A girl like me? Then I might just have to. Well, thank you for the tour. I suppose you'll be wanting your payment now. Large Demon: You know I will. (He reaches for her.) Paige: Fireball! (A fireball orbs out of a demon woman's hand, which she was throwing up and down like a ball. It orbs into Paige's hand and she throws it at the Large Demon, vanquishing him.) Demon Woman: Hey! Paige: Sorry, he was getting a little grabby. (Paige heads for a building ahead.) [Cut to inside the building. The Parasite demons are feeding off a gypsy's powers. Paige walks in.] Paige: Excuse me. Anyone here interested in a Charmed One's offspring? Parasite Demon #1: Who are you? Paige: I'm the reason you're not gonna need that food anymore, not after you hear what I have to say. Parasite Demon #2: The food is dead. You were saying? Paige: Just that the Hawker who hired me to grab the baby screwed up the job and got himself dead. He didn't say who hired him but I heard it was you. Parasite Demon #2: So what if it was? Paige: Don't get nervous. I'm just here for the bounty. The offer still stands, right? Parasite Demon #1: First, tell us why you're still alive. Paige: I'll take that as a yes. (Paige pulls out the grenade potion from behind the baby blanket and throws it at the Parasite Demons. They feed off the power from the explosion and then start to feed off Paige's. Her blonde wig is blown off her head and she falls to the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Phoebe and Leo are there. Phoebe is scrying for the demonic market.] Phoebe: Come on, people, talk to me. (The crystal points to a spot on the map.) Bingo. We have a location of the market. Piper: Yes. (to Leo) Anything on Paige? Leo: I can't sense her at all. But that doesn't mean we should panic. Her signal might be blocked by the magic of the marketplace. Phoebe: Right, there's no reason to panic. I mean, our sister went alone to demonville, she has no idea what or who she's up against, so there's no reason to panic, right? Piper: Phoebe, it was my fault. I should've gone with her. Phoebe: I would have gone with her had she called me. Piper: Well, I told her not to bother you 'cause you were trying to impress your new boss. Phoebe: I was not trying to impress my boss, thank you. Leo: You weren't? But this morning... Phoebe: We- I... Okay, maybe this morning I was trying to impress him but I'm not, so can we talk about anything but Jason Dean, please? Thank you very much. Leo: Yeah, let's talk about how we're gonna find Paige. Phoebe: Oh. Well, we're gonna write a spell that's gonna carry us to the market. Can I have some paper? (Piper picks up Paige's note and hands it to Phoebe. Phoebe gets a premonition. In the premonition, the Parasite Demons are sucking Paige's power out of her.) Piper: Are you okay? Phoebe: No. It's time to panic. (The baby alarm goes off.) Piper: Oh my god! [Scene: Demon Market. Building. Paige is tied to a table. The Parasite Demons stand beside her.] Parasite Demon #2: I say we suck her dry, nice and slow. Parasite Demon #1: Tempting, but... Parasite Demon #2: But what? You forget that is was one of her kind that cursed us to this life? Paige: Please... Parasite Demon #1: Say we kill her, get revenge on yet another witch. Then what? We're still parasites. Nothing will have changed. Parasite Demon #2: She'll be dead. That's change. Parasite Demon #1: We'll still be bound to this trivial existence. Think about it. She's a Charmed One, her sisters will sense her if we keep her alive. And then they will come for her. Parasite Demon #2: Then when they do, the infant will be left vulnerable. Paige: No... [Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper is holding the baby. Leo walks in.] Piper: Anything? Leo: Unless they're invisible, there's no demons in the house. Piper: Then why does the alarm keep going off? Leo: We'd have to ask Paige. Phoebe: Oh, we'd better hurry because from what I saw, she doesn't have a lot of time. Piper: You want me to leave my baby when the alarm designed to sense evil is going off every ten minutes? Phoebe: Believe me, Piper, I don't wanna leave the baby either, but the alarm is broken, there is no evil in this house. Piper: But we've gone up against invisible demons before, you know, demons that morph into lamps, lamps that morph into demons, demons in the walls. Phoebe: But don't think if they were here they'd be attacking the baby by now? (The baby gurgles and smiles.) Oh, look at him, he's smiling! Oh, you are so brave. Leo: He's smiling? Phoebe: Either that or he has gas. (Leo gets an idea.) Leo: Piper, put him down. Piper: What? Leo: He was crying when the demon attacked. Piper: So? Leo: So just put him down a minute and come over here. You too, Phoebe. Phoebe: Why? Leo: Trust me. Piper: Okay. (Piper puts the baby into the bassinet and walks away.) What are we doing? Leo: Just wait. Phoebe: For what? (The baby alarm goes off. Piper and Phoebe race over to the baby.) Leo: That's what. Phoebe: I don't get it. Leo: He's doing it, he's using his powers to set off the alarm. Piper: Because he figured out when it goes off, that we'll come running. Phoebe: He's just trying to get attention. He's a genius. Oh, you're a genius! Leo: That's my boy, using your powers. Piper: Are you trying to give mummy a heart attack? Is that what you're trying to do? Leo: So I guess it's safe to say you can go help Paige. Piper: Right. Phoebe: Are you gonna be okay? Piper: Yeah, okay. Grab some potions. Because if I'm going to that market and leaving him here, we're not taking no prisoners. Leo: Well, just be careful. Piper: I will. Leo: You're not invincible anymore. Piper: I know. It's just so hard to leave. (Phoebe hugs the bassinet.) So hard to make Phoebe leave. Leo: Well, just make sure you come back. Piper: You take care of him. I mean, one hair out of place on the head, you and me, issues. Leo: I will. At the first sign of trouble I will orb him out. Piper: Okay. Phoebe, here we go, here we go. [Scene: Woods. Piper and Phoebe arrive. An energy ball comes out of nowhere and flies past them. The Demon Guard literally walks out of a tree.] Phoebe: Where's the market? Demon Guard: Who are you? Piper: I'm the mother. (Piper tries to blow up the demon and he goes flying through the market door. They stand in front of the door, looking in on a crowd of demons.) Which one of you dirtbags put the bounty on my baby? (A demon in the crowd throws a stream of fire towards the girls. Piper blows it up and then blows the demon up.) [Cut to the building. Screams and explosions are heard. Parasite Demon #1 looks out the window as Piper makes her way through the crowd, blowing up everyone in her way. Piper and Phoebe head for the building.] Parasite Demon #1: They're here. Parasite Demon #2: It's baby time. (They disappear.) [Cut to the manor. Parlor. Leo is there reading a book. The baby alarm goes off and Leo kneels beside the bassinet.] Leo: It's okay, buddy, mummy'll be home soon. (The Parasite Demons stand beside Leo and suck out his powers. He falls to the floor. The baby cries.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Market. Building. Piper and Phoebe walk in.] Phoebe: Where are they? Paige: Piper. Piper: I know you are very happy to see us. Paige: The baby. Phoebe: He's fine, he's with Leo. Paige: The Parasites, they'll absorb Leo's power. (They untie Paige.) Piper: What? Can you orb? Paige: No. No, they took my powers away. (They help Paige up.) Phoebe: We've gotta get to the other side of the gate. (Piper picks up the baby's blanket.) Piper: That is mine. [Cut to the street. Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk out of the building and down the street. Paige drops the blanket. Crone walks over to the blanket and picks it up.] [Cut to the manor. Parlor. The Parasite Demons are sucking the power out of the baby.] Parasite Demon #1: Do you feel the power? Parasite Demon #2: It's fantastic. But how will we get him out of here? Parasite Demon #1: Keep draining the magic. The force field will falter and then he'll be ours. (Leo wakes up and gets up. He grabs a lamp and smashes it over them. He weakly kneels beside the bassinet. The Parasite Demons continue to suck their powers.) [Cut to the manor. Piper, Phoebe and Paige appear. Piper and Phoebe sit Paige down on the couch.] Paige: Go. Don't let them put their hands on you. [Cut to the parlor.] Leo: No! (Piper and Phoebe run down the stairs. Piper blows up Parasite #1. The other one disappears.) Piper: He got away. Phoebe: It's okay, let him go. Piper: I said no prisoners. (to Leo) Are you okay? Leo: Yeah. Piper: Then we're going back. [Cut to the market. Night. Building. Crone is there, holding the baby blanket. Parasite Demon #2 appears.] Crone: You did this to us. I warned you. Parasite Demon #2: The witches did this, not me. Crone: The witches have nothing compared to... This child is powerful beyond your understanding. What I have foreseen, is not to be ignored. Parasite Demon #2: What? What did you see? What is he? Crone: He is our end. We'll have nothing more to do with this... being. Parasite Demon #2: That's easy for you to say. You have powers of your own. (Piper and Phoebe walk in.) Crone: And I enjoy using them. (She points her fingers at the Parasite Demon and a tunnel of sand surrounds him. He screams out and turns to dust. Crone turns to Piper and Phoebe.) Your sister's powers have been restored. Phoebe: Who are you? Crone: I represent those in power. Rest assured a law will be passed forbidding any further attempts on your child. Piper: Why? What do you stand to gain? Crone: Nothing. You have proven that the costs of a war will far outweigh the benefits. Consider this our white flag. (She hands them the baby blanket.) Now I suggest you rest well and preserve your energies. From what I've foreseen you're going to need them. (Crone disappears.) Phoebe: Way to send a message, warrior mum! Piper: I don't know about that. Phoebe: You didn't believe her? Piper: Well, partially, but I think this had more to do with him than anything we did. Phoebe: What do you think she foresaw? Piper: I wish I knew. [Scene: Manor. Parlor. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are standing around the bassinet. Phoebe has her head in the bassinet making baby voices.] Phoebe: Oh, I could eat you! Yes, I could! Yes, I could. Piper: Pheebs, after the demonic Parasites that did actually kinda wanna eat him, not so cute. Phoebe: Gotcha. Ooh, I could smush you! Ooh, I could just smush your little face! Ooh, la, la, la, la. Piper: Much better. Paige: Is that his new name? Smush-face Halliwell? Leo: It's about as good as everything else we've come up with. Phoebe: No new ideas, huh? Piper: Actually... Leo: Uh, no, you know, we've been so busy with the alarm and the demon fighting and the sister saving. Paige: I'm sorry. Piper: Oh, don't be sorry, Paige. You were brave and you inspired me to fight and you made the world a safer place for our baby. Which is why I would like to give the baby the middle name of Matthew, in honour of his super protective Aunt Paige. Phoebe: I think that's a great idea. Piper: What do you think? Leo: Yeah. Paige: Thanks. Piper: And I also have an idea for his first name. Wyatt. In honour of his very protective daddy. Leo: Really? Well, it doesn't start with a P. Piper: Ah, so we break the tradition. (Phoebe picks up Wyatt.) Phoebe: Happy baby. Why don't we ask him? W- That's probably your job. (She hands Wyatt to Piper.) Piper: Wyatt Matthew Halliwell. Is that your name? What do you think? It's a good one. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Elise's office. Jason is sitting at the desk looking through some books. Phoebe knocks at the door and walks in.] Phoebe: I thought you'd still be here. Jason: Yeah, well, there's a lot to do. Phoebe: Um, I just came by to say that I'm really sorry. Jason: Huh, I didn't figure you for the type to apologise easily. Phoebe: Yeah, I'm not, I only apologise when I'm wrong. Okay, I wasn't entirely wrong, there was an emergency at home and I did need to leave. And in the future, if you're gonna hold my calls, I hope you tell me. Jason: This is an apology? Phoebe: Yes, because about the other stuff, you were right. I got overwhelmed by the baby and I lost my voice, my perspective. Jason: That's really... Phoebe: It's just since we were kids, we always shared everything equally, so when the baby came I just thought it should be the same way. You know, which is ridiculous 'cause I'm not his mum, I'm his aunt, and it actually works out great for me 'cause mums have to parent, you know, and I just get to spoil. Jason: Well, that's understandable... Phoebe: And I know you're really busy and you don't need to be listening to some advice columnist's psycho babble, but... um... if I still have a job, I promise you'll see all the changes you're looking for in my column first thing in the morning. Jason: Great. Can I talk now? Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Jason: I knew less about my last girlfriend's family than I've learned about yours in the last five minutes. Phoebe: Oh, really? Jason: Still talking. Phoebe: Sorry. Jason: I am busy but making this paper work is important to me, and if that means listening to an advice columnist's late night psycho babble then that's what I'm willing to do. Phoebe: That's... Jason: Still talking. Phoebe: Right. Jason: This paper can't afford to lose you, Phoebe, you're too valuable, too talented. And if you can admit when you're wrong, then so can I. Phoebe: So... Jason: So, in the future, if I have to hold your calls I'll let you know. Phoebe: Thank you. Jason: You're welcome. Done talking. (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: Okay. (She giggles and stands there uncomfortably while he watches her. She points to the door and leaves. He continues to work.)
Plan: A: a name; Q: What is everyone having a hard time finding for the baby? A: a P. Leo; Q: What letter does Peter start with? A: Leo; Q: Who tries out Peter? A: Phoebe; Q: Whose future with the newspaper is threatened by the new owner? A: Harry Potter; Q: What book does Phoebe reference when trying to name her baby? A: his son's last name; Q: What does Leo say is going to be Halliwell instead of Wyatt? A: good magic; Q: What does Leo believe respects the name Halliwell? A: Piper; Q: Who decides to name her baby Wyatt Matthew Halliwell? A: two demons; Q: Who must the sisters protect Wyatt from? A: a few surprises; Q: What does Wyatt have of his own? A: Paige; Q: Who goes undercover as a bounty hunter? Summary: Everyone is having a hard time finding a name for the baby, especially a boy's name that starts with a P. Leo tries out Peter, while Phoebe tries out Potter (in a reference to Harry Potter ). Leo says his son's last name is going to be Halliwell instead of Wyatt because good magic respects it while evil fears it. Eventually, Piper decides to name her baby Wyatt Matthew Halliwell. The sisters must protect Wyatt from two demons, but the baby has a few surprises of his own. Meanwhile, Paige goes undercover as a bounty hunter, and Phoebe's future with the newspaper is threatened by the new owner.
Genesis of the Daleks by: Terry Nation Part Six Running time: 23:30 [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Get it off! Get it off! SARAH: What are you waiting for? DOCTOR: Just touch these two strands together and the Daleks are finished. Have I that right? SARAH: To destroy the Daleks? You can't doubt it. DOCTOR: Well, I do. You see, some things could be better with the Daleks. Many future worlds will become allies just because of their fear of the Daleks. SARAH: But it isn't like that. DOCTOR: But the final responsibility is mine, and mine alone. Listen, if someone who knew the future pointed out a child to you and told you that that child would grow up totally evil, to be a ruthless dictator who would destroy millions of lives, could you then kill that child? SARAH: We're talking about the Daleks, the most evil creatures ever invented. You must destroy them. You must complete your mission for the Time Lords. DOCTOR: Do I have the right? Simply touch one wire against the other and that's it. The Daleks cease to exist. Hundreds of millions of people, thousands of generations can live without fear, in peace, and never even know the word Dalek. SARAH: Then why wait? If it was a disease or some sort of bacteria you were destroying, you wouldn't hesitate. DOCTOR: But I kill, wipe out a whole intelligent lifeform, then I become like them. I'd be no better than the Daleks. SARAH: Think of all the suffering there'll be if you don't do it. GHARMAN: Doctor! Doctor, I've been looking everywhere for you. Davros has agreed to our terms. HARRY: He submitted? GHARMAN: He did, but he asked only one thing. That he might be allowed to address a meeting of all the Elite, scientific and military. DOCTOR: He's going to put a case? GHARMAN: Yes, but a vote will be taken. It's a foregone conclusion. There'll be a complete landslide against any further development of the Daleks. We've won. DOCTOR: I'm grateful to you, Gharman. More grateful than I can tell you. GHARMAN: The meeting's about to begin. Will you come? DOCTOR: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] GHARMAN: Everybody is here, Davros. DAVROS: The issues are simple and clear cut. I have given my life's work to the survival of our race. The travel machine I designed, the Dalek, will give the creature into which we will mutate its only possibility of continued existence. GHARMAN: But you have deviated from that intention. You have introduced genetic changes that will alter the mutation into a creature without morals and without ethics. DAVROS: I have introduced aggression, without which no race can survive. GHARMAN: But aggression without a conscience. DAVROS: History will show that cooperation between different species is impossible. One race must survive all others, and to do this it must dominate. Ruthlessly. DAVROS: Now I intend that when all the bickering and battling is over, the supreme victor shall be our race, the Daleks. DAVROS: At this very moment, the production lines stand ready, totally automated, fully programmed. The Daleks are no longer dependant on us. The machinery is ready. They are a power in their own right. If any one of you would destroy everything that we have ever achieved, then here is a destruct button. DAVROS: Press it, and you will destroy this bunker and everything in it. Only this room will remain. Press it and you will wipe out our entire race, destroy the Daleks forever. Which of you will do it? DAVROS: You are men without courage. You have lost your right to survive. HARRY: (quietly) The Time Ring isn't here, Doctor. DOCTOR: (quietly) What? HARRY: (quietly) The Time Ring, it's not here. DAVROS: (quietly) Good. We have achieved the delay we needed. Wait a few minutes then check that everything is ready. GHARMAN: You have heard Davros' case. What he has not made clear is that there is another way. DAVROS: There is no other way! GHARMAN: Production of the Dalek can continue. We can destroy the genetically conditioned creatures and allow the mutation to follow its own course. Our race will survive if it deserves to survive, but let it have all the strengths and weaknesses that we have. Compassion and hate. Let it do good things and evil. But we cannot let it become an unfeeling, heartless machine. That is our choice. Now, we must decide. DOCTOR: (quietly) We've got to find that Time Ring. SARAH: (quietly) Doctor. DOCTOR: (quietly) Good girl, Sarah. Now all we need is the tape recording, so keep an eye on Nyder. DAVROS: You've heard our cases. I will give you two minutes to decide. Then you must answer not only to me, but to the future. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Advance. BETTAN: Right, bring out the explosives. Now, lay the charges on each of these main carriers. One charge for each beam should be enough. Are you quite sure this is the only way into the bunker? SEVRIN: Well, the only other way was from the Kaled dome, and your war rocket caved that it. It can never be cleared. BETTAN: If we do the same here, we'll entomb the Daleks and those who created them. SEVRIN: But Sarah and the Doctor are inside. You'll give them a chance to get clear, won't you? BETTAN: I must blow the roof as soon as the charges are laid. I can't delay. If the Daleks find out what we are doing and attack, I don't have enough men or arms to stand them off. SEVRIN: How long? BETTAN: Thirty minutes, perhaps less. SEVRIN: Then I must get inside and try and warn them. BETTAN: That's up to you. But you must understand. If you're not back, I must go on. You'll die in there with them. SEVRIN: I understand. BETTAN: I'll give you what time I can. SEVRIN: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: You have had ample time to decide. Those who would remain loyal to me and to the future of our race, move forward and stand at my side. DAVROS: No more? Kravos, will you betray me? DOCTOR: Now I wonder where Nyder's going at such a crucial moment. HARRY: I think we ought to find out. DOCTOR: So do I. Let's go. DAVROS: Kravos, I saved your life once. In your chest is a tiny instrument which I designed. It keeps your heart beating. Will you now turn that heart against me? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Now where are you going in such a hurry? NYDER: Davros has lost. I am getting away while I can. DOCTOR: Oh. Somehow that just doesn't ring true. SARAH: Why didn't you just join the other side? DOCTOR: Now that's a good question. Do you have a good answer? Evidently not. Well then, let's try something else. That tape recording you took, where is it? NYDER: It's put away in a safe in Davros' office. DOCTOR: Shall we go and see? NYDER: Down here. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Now, be reasonable and open it for us. NYDER: Only Davros knows the combination. HARRY: Come on, Nyder, you can do better than that. SARAH: Perhaps he's telling the truth. DOCTOR: Oh, no, no. On the contrary. Now, Davros can't rise from his chair, correct? NYDER: Well? DOCTOR: And he has the use of only one hand, this hand. (the right one) And Davros never goes anywhere without you, Nyder. So you must open the safe for him. Open it for us. DOCTOR: Thank you. Now let's destroy it. SARAH: Er, how about this? DOCTOR: How very apt. A Dalek gun. DOCTOR: There. DOCTOR: He's not important. SARAH: What? DOCTOR: We've got the Time Ring, we've destroyed the tape and Davros' power is broken. SARAH: What about the Daleks that are already operational? DOCTOR: Oh, I think we can leave Gharman to destroy them. HARRY: That means we can leave, then. DOCTOR: Yes, all we've got to do is touch the Time Ring. DOCTOR: Ah. I must have dropped it in the struggle in the corridor. SARAH: Well now we've got to get out of here. [SCENE_BREAK] BETTAN: How many more charges to go on? MAN: Only four more. BETTAN: Won't take long. It doesn't give them much time. All right, carry on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Even the sonic screwdriver won't open this door. SARAH: Doctor. DOCTOR: Huh? SARAH: Why is it going on so long? DOCTOR: Who knows. It's out of character for Davros to submit quite so easily. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: This is your last chance. Move to join me now or suffer the consequences. GHARMAN: Why don't you just accept the fact that you have lost. It's over for you, Davros. DAVROS: Do you believe that I would let a lifetime's work be ended by the will of spineless fools like you? You have won nothing. I allowed this charade to be played out for one reason only. To find those men who were truly loyal to me and to discover those who would betray me! (Dalek-like) We, I will go on! GHARMAN: You are insane, Davros. DAVROS: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! KRAVOS: Stop this, Davros. You must stop them! [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Sevrin! SEVRIN: I haven't got much time. The Thals have set the explosives at the entrance. They'll detonate as soon as they're ready. SARAH: What? DOCTOR: Give me a moment to find the Time Ring. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Ah! Good. Let's go. Back, back! DOCTOR: Back! SEVRIN: We're not far from the main entrance. If we can get through the next section, we'll be safe. DOCTOR: Sarah, take this. DOCTOR: Sevrin, lead them to the main entrance. Get them out of here. SEVRIN: Right. SARAH: What are you going to do? DOCTOR: I'm going back to the incubator room. This time I'm going to blow it up. SARAH: Let us come with you. DOCTOR: No! Get out of here. Hurry. Now, go on. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: Dispose of the traitor's bodies. The Daleks will assume all military duties necessary for the security of the bunker. As for us, work will commence as soon as possible on the improvement of every aspect of Dalek design. NYDER: Davros, the prisoners I locked away in your office have escaped. DAVROS: They must be found. Seek out the prisoners and exterminate. DALEK: We obey. [SCENE_BREAK] MAN: That's the last one in position. BETTAN: Right. Prepare to detonate. [SCENE_BREAK] BETTAN: Oh, I'd given up hope. Now quickly, move away. We're about to detonate. SARAH: No, you can't, not yet. HARRY: You must wait. SARAH: The Doctor's still inside. SEVRIN: A few minutes, please. SARAH: Please. BETTAN: All right, a few minutes. But if there's the least indication of the Daleks moving up that corridor, then I detonate. MAN: We're getting a picture on one of these scanners. DAVROS [on screen]: Send a patrol of Daleks to the main entrance. This will remain an area of maximum security. DALEK [on screen]: I obey. BETTAN: That's it. I can't wait any longer. Some of you get those doors closed. The rest of you move away. HARRY: One more minute, please. BETTAN: I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: The automated Dalek production line has been started. I gave no such order. Who did? DALEK: I gave the command. DAVROS: You will perform no function unless ordered by me. You will obey only my commands. The production line is to be halted immediately. You heard my order. Obey! Obey! Nyder. NYDER: Yes, Davros. DALEK: Production will continue. [SCENE_BREAK] BETTAN: Fire. SARAH: No, wait! He's coming! He's coming! SARAH: Quickly! BETTAN: Now! [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: You must obey me! I created you! I am the master, not you. I! I! I! DALEK: Our programming does not permit to acknowledge that any creature is superior to the Daleks. DAVROS: You cannot exist without me. You cannot progress. DALEK: We are programmed to survive. We have the ability to develop in any way necessary to ensure that survival. DALEK 2: Main exit blocked by explosion for a length of at least one thousand yards. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: The incubator room, were you able to do anything? DOCTOR: Yes, with a little help from a Dalek. But I'm afraid I've only delayed them for a short time. Perhaps a thousand years. SARAH: What? DOCTOR: In the total time scale, no more than that. HARRY: Look. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: All inferior creatures are to be considered the enemy of the Daleks and destroyed. DAVROS: No, wait! Those men are scientists. They can help you. Let them live. Have pity! DALEK: Pity? I have no understanding of the word. It is not registered in my vocabulary bank. Exterminate! DAVROS: For the last time, I am your creator! You must, you will obey me! DALEK: We obey no one. We are the superior beings. DALEK: Exterminate! DALEK: We are entombed, but we live on. This is only the beginning. We will prepare. We will grow stronger. When the time is right, we will emerge and take our rightful place as the supreme power of the universe! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Goodbye, Bettan. BETTAN: Goodbye, Harry. DOCTOR: Sevrin. SARAH: Thank you, Sevrin. DOCTOR: Goodbye. Thank you. DOCTOR: Hands on the Time Ring. SARAH: You don't seem too disappointed. We've failed, haven't we? DOCTOR (OOV.): Failed? No, not really. You see, I know that although the Daleks will create havoc and destruction for millions of years, I know also that out of their evil must come something good.
Plan: A: Gharman; Q: Who tries to convince the Kaleds to vote against the Dalek project? A: a trick; Q: What does Davros have up his sleeve? A: the Doctor; Q: Who works to destroy the Dalek victory tape? A: the Thals; Q: Who plans an intervention of their own? Summary: Gharman tries to convince the Kaleds to vote against the Dalek project but Davros has a trick up his sleeve, while the Doctor works to destroy the tape recording of Dalek victory and the Thals plan an intervention of their own.
KILGHARRAH In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man. His name: Merlin. MERLIN: You're still angry with me, aren't you? ARTHUR: We spend the entire day hunting, catch nothing, because every time we got anywhere near anything you sneezed and frightened it away. MERLIN: Not the last time. ARTHUR: No, that time you fell into a stream. No-one could accuse you of being predictable, Merlin. MERLIN: I think I'm getting a cold. ARTHUR: Let's hope it's a bad one. (Women screaming in the distance) ARTHUR: What was that? MERLIN: I think it was a bird. (Women screams again) MERLIN: That? That was definitely a woman screaming. Why couldn't it have just been a bird? It's never just a bird. (Merlin runs closer) ARTHUR: What are you doing? MERLIN: I assume you want to risk our lives and see what's going on. ARTHUR: I never thought I'd say this, Merlin, but you're learning. (They walk up to the towns people) ARTHUR: Let the woman go. TOWNCHIEF: This woman has been sentenced to death. It does not concern you. ARTHUR: I am Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, and your village is in my lands. TOWNCHIEF: Her sorcery has brought sickness and suffering to this village. ARTHUR: Did she receive a fair trial? TOWNCHIEF: Your father would have shown her no mercy. ARTHUR: I am not my father. Now cut her down. TOWNCHIEF: I will not endanger the lives of all who live here. (Arthur puts his sword to the Town chief's chest) ARTHUR: I said... cut her down. (It shows Merlin and Arthur later in the forest with the old lady, Valdis. Merlin is shown trying to heal her) ARTHUR: Is there anything more you can do for her? MERLIN: She won't make it through the night. ARTHUR: Make her as comfortable as possible. VALDIS: Thank you. ARTHUR: You should try and get some rest. VALDIS: My time has come. When you have lived as long as I, you no longer fear the journey to the next world. I have a gift for you. You showed kindness, and compassion. Those are the qualities of a true king. (She gives Arthur something that is covered in a cloth) VALDIS: Open it. (Arthur opens it and finds a horn) ARTHUR: It's beautiful. VALDIS: It has the power to summon the spirits of the dead. (Valdis dies. It shows Gaius in his chambers inspecting the horn) GAIUS: The Horn of Cathbhadh. When Uther attacked the Isle of the Blessed, the Horn of Cathbhadh was smuggled to safety before the temple fell. It hasn't been heard of since. ARTHUR: The old woman said it could be used to open the door to the spirit world? GAIUS: I have seen it with my own eyes. Long before the time of the Great Purge, I took part in such ceremonies. Each year at Beltain, the High Priestesses would gather at the Great Stones of Nemeton and summon the spirits of their ancestors. It holds powerful magic. You must keep it safe. (Shows the knights, Arthur, and Gwen at the dining hall. Elyan notices Mordred watching Arthur) ELYAN: He's always like this at the anniversary of his coronation. MORDRED: I thought it was a cause for celebration? ELYAN: It is, but it's also the anniversary of Uther's death. (Arthur is in his room fiddling with the horn. Merlin knocks on the door and Arthur grabs a bowl to cover the horn, spilling fruit all over the floor.) MERLIN: What are you doing? (Goes to pick up the fruit) ARTHUR: Nothing... Thinking. MERLIN: You, thinking? Well, now I'm really getting worried. ARTHUR: Shut up. (Merlin starts to pick up the bowl) ARTHUR: Leave it! MERLIN: Why? ARTHUR: Because I'm telling you to and I'm the King of Camelot, not that that seems to mean anything to you. Ready the horses and gather some supplies. MERLIN: Where are we going? ARTHUR: You don't need to know. Do not breathe a word of this to anyone. Not even Guinevere. (Arthur holds a spoon up to Merlin's face) MERLIN: You're threatening me with a spoon? (A smack is heard) Ow! (Later) I'm getting a very bad feeling about this place. ARTHUR: That is because you're a coward. MERLIN: No. It's because I value my life and I don't want to die horribly. ARTHUR: Fair point. MERLIN: So, are we going to turn back? ARTHUR: No. MERLIN: What are they? ARTHUR: The Great Stones of Nemeton. MERLIN: You're going to use it? ARTHUR: This will be the only chance I have to see my father again. I can't let it pass. MERLIN: This is powerful magic. ARTHUR: My father was taken from me before his time. Now there isn't a day that passes when I don't think of the things I wish I'd said to him. If you were given the same chance to see your father, talk to him. Wouldn't you do the same? Father. UTHER: Arthur. ARTHUR: I thought I would never see you again. There isn't a day that passes when I don't think of you. UTHER: And I, you. ARTHUR: There are times when I feel so alone, I wish more than anything that you were by my side. UTHER: If I were at your side, I fear you would not like all that I have to say. ARTHUR: What do you mean? UTHER: Many of the decisions you have made since you have become King go against all that I taught you. ARTHUR: I have done what I have believed to be right. UTHER: You have ignored our tradition, our ancient laws. You have allowed common men to become knights. ARTHUR: They are some of the finest knights that Camelot's ever known. They would gladly give their lives for the kingdom. UTHER: They question your decisions. They make you look weak. ARTHUR: Listening to others is a sign of strength, not weakness. UTHER: How do you expect anyone to fear a King who does not know his own mind? ARTHUR: I don't want my people to respect me because they fear me. UTHER: Then they will not respect you at all. Your marriage should have served to form an alliance with another kingdom and you choose to marry a serving girl. ARTHUR: I married for love. I love Guinevere. More than... I can express. UTHER: There are some things that are more important than love. It is your duty to strengthen and protect the kingdom. You have failed. ARTHUR: I have always strived to make you proud. UTHER: How can I be proud of a son who ignores everything that I taught him? Who is destroying my legacy? ARTHUR: I have brought peace to the kingdom... UTHER: At what price? The peace cannot last. If you are not strong, the kingdom will fall. You must go now. ARTHUR: I need more time. There is still so much I wish to say. UTHER: If you stay, you will be forever trapped in the world of the dead. You must go now. Go. ARTHUR: This can't be the last time I will ever see you. UTHER: Think about everything that I have said to you. It isn't too late. Now go. I will always love you, Arthur. (Arthur turns to look back for a brief second) MERLIN: Arthur? Do you want to talk about it? What happened at the stones? ARTHUR: It seems my father doesn't approve of the way I have chosen to rule his kingdom. MERLIN: You mean your kingdom. ARTHUR: The things he said about the knights, about marrying Guinevere. What if he's right? What if I have weakened Camelot? MERLIN: Do you really believe that? You have always done what you believed to be right. People respect you. ARTHUR: Thank you, Merlin. MERLIN: Some people still think you're a foolish, arrogant ass. ARTHUR: Who? Very funny. We should get some sleep. LEON: We covered the area from Pawlett down to Meldreth. This includes 30 troops at Bawtry. 15 at Talan. Ten at Chime. Nine at Brune. 11 at Burwelle... (Candelabra falls on the Round Table) ARTHUR: I want the table repaired before the next council meeting. Are you listening to me, Merlin? MERLIN: What? Sorry. I was just thinking about what happened. ARTHUR: Did you get a terrible fright? MERLIN: Yes. My heart nearly jumped out through my mouth. ARTHUR: Oh, well maybe you should have the rest of the day off and put your feet up? MERLIN: Really? You were joking? ARTHUR: There really is no limit to your intelligence, is there, Merlin? GWAINE: Why does it always take you twice as long to change out of your armour? PERCIVAL: Because I'm twice the size of you, little man. GWAINE: Then why is it that your brain is so small? PERCIVAL: Hello? Is someone there? Show yourself. GAIUS: The axe must have fallen off the rack. I'm surprised that a falling axe would cause such a deep wound. PERCIVAL: Not as surprised as I was. GAIUS: Quite. You were lucky you weren't more severely injured. PERCIVAL: It's strange... MERLIN: What's that? PERCIVAL: Just before it happened. I sensed something, like there was someone there, watching me. I'm sure it was just my mind playing tricks on me. GAIUS: Apply a second poultice in the morning. And no training. PERCIVAL: Thank you, Gaius. GAIUS: Is there something wrong, Merlin? Merlin, I get the distinct impression there is something you're not telling me. MERLIN: No. Why would you say that? GAIUS: Because there usually is. MERLIN: We went to the Stones of Nemeton. GAIUS: Merlin, I warned you of the dangers... MERLIN: I tried to stop him. He was insistent. GAIUS: What is it, Merlin? MERLIN: After the candelabra fell, I was in the corridor outside the Council Chambers. I could sense something. It was like Percival said, a presence of some kind. GAIUS: In the days of the Old Religion, the priestesses trained for years before entering into the spirit world. It was fraught with dangers. There was one thing they were schooled never to do. As the veil closed, they were never to look back at the spirit. MERLIN: What happened if they did? GAIUS: They'd release the spirit into this world. MERLIN: Arthur must have looked back. ARTHUR: What? MERLIN: At the Stones of Nemeton, I think that you may have released your father's spirit. ARTHUR: And what makes you think that? MERLIN: Did you look back? As the veil closed, did you look back at your father? ARTHUR: I may have glanced round for a second. MERLIN: In that second, you unleashed Uther's spirit. All these strange things that have been happening? The candelabra falling onto the Round Table. ARTHUR: Yes, because the chain broke. MERLIN: The axe falling on Percival. ARTHUR: It was an accident. MERLIN: Was it? ARTHUR: Do you really expect me to believe that my father's spirit is responsible for these things? [SCENE_BREAK] MERLIN: The Round Table represents everything that's changed since you became King. You told me how Uther disapproved. He's angry with you and that makes him dangerous. ARTHUR: I know my father. He wouldn't do these things. MERLIN: I think he'd do anything to protect his legacy. Who knows what he's capable of? ARTHUR: Enough! That's enough. Leave me. Go! GWEN: Is someone there? MERLIN: Gwen! Gwen! You know this was Uther. ARTHUR: We don't know what happened. MERLIN: So Gwen just mysteriously ended up locked in the kitchens, which just mysteriously caught fire. You said yourself Uther disapproved of you marrying Gwen. ARTHUR: He wouldn't do this. MERLIN: I know how hard this is for you. ARTHUR: Gaius, how is she? GAIUS: Smoke has entered her lungs, but with time she will heal. I have given her a sleeping draught. She was lucky to escape with her life. ARTHUR: I've always known my father could be cruel, but why would he do this to Guinevere? He knows how much I love her. Gaius. What do you know about ghosts? GAIUS: We must force Uther's spirit to return to the other world before he does any more harm.We must use The Horn of Cathbhadh to reopen the veil between the worlds. But we must remember one thing...only the person who summoned the spirit can force it from this world. MERLIN: Sorry. ARTHUR: You're fortunate I'm not easily frightened. MERLIN: Really? Because it looked like you jumped out of your skin. ARTHUR: That's because you're a clumsy oaf. Now pick that lot up. Where is Gaius? How long does it take to make a potion? MERLIN: These things take time if they're to be done properly. ARTHUR: What is it? MERLIN: I heard something behind the door. ARTHUR: You're imagining things, Merlin. MERLIN: What do we do? ARTHUR: There's your ghost, Merlin. GAIUS: The potion will allow you to see Uther in his spirit form. Once you are in his presence, you must blow the horn. It is the only way you can force him to go back to the spirit world. ARTHUR: Is it safe? GAIUS: I can't say I'm entirely sure. MERLIN: What are you waiting for? ARTHUR: To see if it's safe. MERLIN: So, if I don't die, you'll take yours? ARTHUR: Precisely. Get on with it. Well, at least we know it doesn't kill you instantly. Eurgh! That... That is the foulest thing I've ever tasted. MERLIN: Sorry. Did I forget to tell you about that part? There! ARTHUR: Where? MERLIN: Oh, it's just our shadows. (Arthur smacks Merlin) Ow! LEON: Arthur. Merlin. ARTHUR and MERLIN: Leon. LEON: Is everything all right, my Lord? ARTHUR: It's perfectly fine. We are... Merlin. Tell Leon what we're doing. MERLIN: We're... I'm teaching him some poetry. LEON: Poetry? ARTHUR: I...love poetry. MERLIN: I was as surprised as you are. He can't get enough of it. LEON: I'll leave you to your poetry, then, my Lord. ARTHUR: Poetry? That's the best you could come up with? MERLIN: What did you want me to say? ARTHUR: I don't know. Something that didn't make me sound like a love struck girl. MERLIN: What was that? ARTHUR: It was my father. I never thought the day would come when I would be hunting my own father. When I became King, more than anything, I wanted to make him proud. What is it? MERLIN: You've always done what you believed to be right even if you knew your father would disapprove of it. Do you not see how different you are to him? Camelot is a better place since you became King. ARTHUR: My father clearly doesn't think so. MERLIN: The people believe in you, Arthur. It counts for nothing if you don't believe in yourself. ARTHUR: Check the storeroom. MERLIN: Arthur! ARTHUR: Merlin? Merlin, is that you? Father? I know it's you, Father. Why are you doing this? UTHER: I did not spend my entire life building this kingdom to see my own son destroy it. ARTHUR: You tried to kill Guinevere. UTHER: For your own good. How can a serving girl understand what it means to be Queen? ARTHUR: Guinevere is wise, and strong, and I trust her more than anyone. UTHER: And that is your weakness. You put too much trust in other people. You, and you alone must rule Camelot. ARTHUR: I would rather not rule at all, than rule alone. UTHER: Your whole life, I tried to prepare you for the day you would become King. Did you learn nothing? ARTHUR: I watched you rule, and I learnt that if you trust no-one, you will always live in fear. Your hatred came from fear, not strength. UTHER: How dare you! ARTHUR: I loved, and respected you. But I have to rule the Kingdom in my own way. I have to do what I believe to be right. UTHER: I will not allow you destroy all that I built. ARTHUR: Then you will have to kill me. I am not you, Father. I can't rule the way you did. UTHER: Camelot must come before all else. Even you. MERLIN: Get away from him, Uther! You've caused enough harm. You don't belong here. You must return to the other world. UTHER: This is MY kingdom! You think you can drive me from it? You are nothing but a serving boy! MERLIN: I am much more than that. UTHER: You have magic? MERLIN: I was born with it!! UTHER: I made you Arthur's servant. You are a sorcerer? MERLIN: Even while you were King, there was magic at the heart of Camelot. UTHER: I will not allow you and your kind to poison my Kingdom. MERLIN: You're wrong. You're wrong. About so much. Arthur is a better, and more worthy King than you ever were. UTHER: No! MERLIN: Bael onbryne! UTHER: It will give me great pleasure killing you. ARTHUR: Father! UTHER: Arthur! No! Please. Whatever I have done, I have done for Camelot. ARTHUR: You've had your turn. Now it's mine. UTHER: Merlin has... ARTHUR: I always looked up to my father. I admired and respected him more than anyone. I have to accept that I can't please him, and be true to myself. MERLIN: Uther did what he thought he had to do to protect the Kingdom. That doesn't mean he was right. ARTHUR: I want to build a kingdom that is fair and just. One where everyone is respected, regardless of rank. MERLIN: Does that include me? ARTHUR: Of course. MERLIN: So, does that mean you're not going to hit me anymore? ARTHUR: When do I ever hit you? MERLIN: All the time. ARTHUR: That's not hitting, Merlin. That's merely friendly slaps. It's horseplay. MERLIN: So, can I give you a friendly slap? ARTHUR: You can certainly try. What the hell was that? MERLIN: It was, um...horseplay. ARTHUR: No, Merlin, you're doing it all wrong. Why don't I show you?
Plan: A: the king; Q: Who finds himself torn between head and heart when a stranger gives Arthur the power to summon the dead? A: temptation; Q: What is Arthur unable to resist? A: the chance; Q: What did Arthur seize to speak to his father? A: Uther; Q: Who is Arthur's father? A: the spirit world; Q: What is a dark and dangerous place? A: his decision; Q: What does Arthur not realize comes at a terrible price? A: all odds; Q: What must Merlin overcome to save Camelot? A: Merlin; Q: Who must put right Arthur's mistake before Camelot and everything they have built is destroyed forever? Summary: When a stranger gives Arthur the power to summon the dead, the king finds himself torn between head and heart. Unable to resist temptation, he seizes the chance to speak to the person he misses most - his father, Uther. But the spirit world is a dark and dangerous place... Little does Arthur realize that his decision comes at a terrible price. Against all odds, Merlin must put right Arthur's mistake before Camelot and everything they have built is destroyed forever.
LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill. [INT. JAKE'S HOUSE - JENNY'S ROOM - DAY] (Peyton sits on a recliner, holding Jenny as Jake tucks her things away.) PEYTON: (Looking at Jenny but addressing Jake.) I've got a way for you to leave but you've gotta go in the morning. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE DOCK - DAY] (Jake stands at the edge of the pier, Jenny strapped to his front. He waves goodbye.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ANNA AND FELIX'S HOUSE - DOORSTEP - EVENING] (Lucas stands at the doorway. Anna has the door open, listening to him.) LUCAS: Hey(!) ANNA: What's wrong? LUCAS: You know how much I care about you... Anna. (Anna smiles.) LUCAS: But there's somebody else. (Off Anna's look of despair.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL - STREETS - EVENING] (Rick holds up a pouch of drugs to Peyton. Peyton glances around, shiftily, guilt written all over her face.) RICK: Is this what you're after? (Peyton reaches for it but Rick pulls it back. Shocked, she looks up and stops.) (Jake steps forward, not smiling.) PEYTON: (To herself.) Jake(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - EVENING] (Karen has just let Deb into the kitchen.) DEB: I lied to you. (Off Karen's dubious expression.) DEB: I slept with Keith. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KEITH'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Keith walks while he talks on the phone.) KEITH: Hey, Jules, it's Keith. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JULES' HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Keith continues talking but we hear it through Jules' phone.) KEITH: (Through the phone.) I just realised something and I had to say it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KEITH'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] KEITH: (Into the phone, smiling.) I love you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JULES' HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Jules sits on her sofa, upset.) DAN: (o.s) Nice work, Jules. (Cut to Dan as he raises his glass.) Just like we planned. CHRIS: (v.o) Haley,- [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEW BRUNSWICK COUNTY TRANSIT AUTHORITY - EVENING] (Chris smiles as he sees Haley approach. She's looking down and clearly upset.) CHRIS: -you owe it to your music(!) You owe it to yourself(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RECORDING STUDIO - EVENING] (Chris is standing there, trying to convince Haley to leave with him.) CHRIS: Your dreams are a bus ride away. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEW BRUNSWICK COUNTY TRANSIT AUTHORITY - EVENING] (Haley looks up at him sadly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Brooke is sitting on her bed, crying. Felix is behind her.) FELIX: I know it's scary... but just tell me if you can show me your heart. (Fade to Brooke looking at him.) FELIX: (v.o) If you do,- (Fade to Brooke and Felix kissing while Lucas appears in the doorway.) FELIX: -I'll guard it with my life. (Shot of Lucas' heartbroken face.) FADE TO BLACK: END OF PREVIOUSLY ON: 'ONE TREE HILL' TITLE WITH LUCAS BOUNCING A BALL ACROSS THE BRIDGE: FADE TO BLACK: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Brooke and Felix are still kissing. The camera pans to Lucas standing and watching the pair. Thunder rumbles overhead.) (Close up of Lucas slowly stepping back.) LUCAS: (v.o) Tennessee Williams once wrote... (Turns around and walks away slowly.) When so many are lonely... as seem to be lonely, (It starts to pour down with rain.) it would be inexcusably selfish... (Lucas stops and lets it rain down on him.) to be lonely alone. (Birdseye view of it raining on Lucas. He walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - WINDOW - EVENING] (More thunder rumbles overhead and rain lashes the windows. We can see Nathan through the window, sitting at the table, watching the rain and wondering where his wife is. He sighs, blows the candles out and gets up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUS TO NEW YORK - EVENING] (Haley sits on the bus with Chris, looking around nervously. Chris looks at her and smiles.) HALEY: I don't even have a toothbrush(!) CHRIS: (Grinning) I think they have those in New York. HALEY: (Smiles nervously.) I can't believe I'm doing this. (Her smile falls.) CHRIS: You did good married girl. (Haley stares.) FASH TO: [EXT. NEW BRUNSWICK COUNTY TRANSIT AUTHORITY - EVENING] (Haley breaks off her kiss with Chris looking stricken at the daydream.) HALEY: (With certainty.) I can't do this. (Chris is disappointed. Haley pushes her hand through her hair.) HALEY: I'm sorry. CHRIS: (Hurt) Yeah, I figured. (Haley watches him as he slings his bag over his shoulder, picks up his guitar case and looks at her.) CHRIS: You're not ready. (He turns away and walks to the bus. Haley closes her eyes and Chris gets on. The doors close behind him.) (He takes his seat and they look at each other through the window. Thunder rumbles and it starts to pour. He looks at Haley one last time before the bus turns and cuts off their view from each other. Haley watches him sadly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROE RESIDENCE (STOCK) - EVENING] (It's raining.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - EVENING] (Karen just stares at Deb.) DEB: I'm sorry, Karen. (Pause) I should have told you about Keith, I- KAREN: (Cuts her off.) I think you should go. (Looks at Deb stonily.) (Deb doesn't argue. Karen opens the door, saying quite clearly 'get out' while staring daggers at Deb.) (Deb walks slowly at first but runs when she sees the rain. It soaks her. Karen's angry façade drops and she closes the door miserably.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - KITCHEN - EVENING] (Nathan is emptying the food into a bin and putting the dirty dishes onto the worktop when there's a knock at the door. He looks at it.) NATHAN: (To himself.) Haley? (He opens the door but it's not Haley looking back at him.) GIRL: Whoa(!) (Nathan squints at her.) Haley didn't mess around. (She puts her hands on her hips, smiling.) You're Nathan, right? NATHAN: Yeah, yeah, do I... do I know you? (Tries to remember.) GIRL: Well you should; I'm your sister-in-law. NATHAN: Oh, uh... (A shot in the dark.) Vivian? GIRL: Don't make me smack you(!) NATHAN: (Guessing again.) Quinn? GIRL: Taylor(!) (Shakes her head amusedly.) Haley never mentioned me to you? (Nathan sighs and shrugs.) TAYLOR: Can I (Points inside.) come in? (Walks in uninvited.) (Thunder rumbles again. Taylor bends over to take her shoes off and Nathan sees a tattoo of a scorpion on her lower back. He frowns some more still trying to remember.) TAYLOR: (Still bent over.) You wanna grab that? NATHAN: (Stumped) Wha-excuse me?(!) TAYOLR: (Looks at him over her shoulder.) My suitcase. (Points) NATHAN: Oh(!) (Turns to pick it up.) Yeah. (Lifts it and brings it in.) So, uh, Haley never said you were coming. TAYLOR: Ah, she didn't know. (Smiles) So, where is little sis? NATHAN: (Closes the door.) Out. TAYLOR: Well that's vague. (Pause) Guess we'll have to get acquainted till she gets home. (Pause) NATHAN: Yeah, sure, uh... just make yourself at home. TAYLOR: (Grins) Careful what you wish for, little brother-in-law. (Turns and walks away.) (Nathan sighs, still trying to figure her out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREETS - EVENING] (Jake continues walking, scowl in place and glaring Rick down. Peyton's too shocked for words, beyond 'Jake'.) RICK: (To Jake.) Who the hell are you? JAKE: Who the hell are you? (Rick looks at Jake a beat before turning back to Peyton.) PEYTON: (Scared) Rick, never mind, I made a mistake. (Shakes her head.) RICK: (Appraises her.) High school girls(!) (Shakes his head and walks away.) (Jake glares at Rick before walking over to Peyton. She throws her arms around him and hugs him. Jake closes his eyes and hugs her back. Peyton smiles, disbelievingly.) (It starts to rain on them but they keep hugging.) (Thunder rumbles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (The thunder wakes Peyton up. She's in her bed and panicked. She looks at the clock; it reads 1:43am. She looks away sadly.) JAKE: (o.s) You were dreaming. (Cut to Jake, sitting in a chair by the window, smiling.) Think you're OK now. PEYTON: Are you back for good? Where's Jenny? JAKE: (Gets up.) I didn't bring her. I'm only here a couple days to check on you. (Sits on her bed as she tries to hide her distress.) So what's got Lucas so worried he's gonna call my cousins in Savannah, huh? PEYTON: (Quickly) Nothing, now... (Shakes her head.) So... you never answered any of my emails. JAKE: Yeah, I'm sorry. (Pause) I didn't wanna give Nikki any chance of tracking me down and... I just-I didn't wanna get you caught up in this even more, just in case, you know. PEYTON: Have you heard from her? JAKE: (Shakes his head.) But she's out there. PEYTON: She might still be in Seattle. (Jake squints at her.) That's where Brooke and I told her you went. (He tilts his head slightly. They laugh.) Um... what are-are you gonna see Lucas while you're here? JAKE: (Pondering) I don't know. I'm gonna see my folks but... other than that, I just kinda wanna keep a low profile. (Peyton is clearly not happy though she tries to hide it.) Our secret, OK? PEYTON: OK. (Her smile is strained.) JAKE: Here, you go back to bed. We'll talk about this in the morning. (Peyton smiles and falls back on the bed.) JAKE: (Gets up.) I'll crash on the floor. PEYTON: Jake(!) (He stops and turns.) Don't be stupid. (She pats her bed and turns on her side, her back to him.) (Jake gets onto the bed slowly and lies next to her, facing the ceiling. Peyton moves around a bit, trying to get comfortable. The noise dies away.) JAKE: Sounds like it finally stopped raining. PEYTON: (Pause while she looks at the ceiling too.) Maybe it finally did. (Smiles a bit.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Haley - soaking wet - enters the apartment and quietly shuts the door behind her, not wanting to wake Nathan. He's sitting near the window, waiting up for her.) NATHAN: Where the hell have you been? HALEY: (Spins around in the process of taking her jacket off and puts a hand to her heart.) I just... I needed to clear my head, Nathan. (Starts to walk to him.) TAYLOR: (o.s) Little sis! (Haley's stunned, spins around again to find Taylor in a nightgown with a towel wrapped around her head.) TAYLOR: Look at you(!) (Hugs Haley.) HALEY: (Frowning) Tay, what're you doing here? TAYLOR: I'm on break. And I wanted to see the house before the new people moved in, and I haven't seen you in forever(!) And mom told me that you got married so (Haley's not pleased.) here I am. (Haley glares at Taylor.) TAYLOR: Nathan said I could stay for a couple of days. (Haley's eyes widen and she looks at Nathan.) NATHAN: Actually, I- TAYLOR: (Interrupting) You won't even know that I'm here. HALEY: Yeah, (Laughs humourlessly.) OK, um... (Takes Nathan's hand.) can you give us a second, please? (She takes Nathan away into their bedroom and closes the door. Taylor watches them.) (Haley stands in front of the closed door.) HALEY: (Talking quietly but urgently.) You said she could stay? Do you think... maybe that was worth a conversation? NATHAN: I told her she could make herself comfortable because you (Points at her.) weren't here(!) (She looks around.) You were with Chris again, weren't you? HALEY: (Closes her eyes.) Yes, but I- NATHAN: (Cuts her off.) Great! Great(!) HALEY: Will you just listen to me, please? (Pause) It's over, OK? He... left town... he wanted me to go with him. NATHAN: (Pissed) What?! HALEY: I said no because I-my life is here! (Nathan stares at her.) (Walks to him and says unconvincingly.) He didn't mean anything to me, OK? (Nathan looks up and sighs.) HALEY: Besides, we're gonna have to stick together if we're gonna... survive 'Hurricane Taylor'. (Nathan looks at the door and nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GROUNDS - DAY] (Felix and Brooke are sitting at one of the benches, looking at a book. Brooke feels eyes on her and looks up. Lucas is sitting at a table, not far away, looking at them. Brooke smiles slightly and looks back down. Lucas looks up, spots someone and stands.) LUCAS: Anna! (Anna stops walking and turns to him. Lucas walks to her, hands in pockets.) LUCAS: How are ya? ANNA: Well, I was confused, I mean, after you showed up at my door talking about other girls. LUCAS: Anna- ANNA: But, once I remembered you have a reputation for being a total ass-hat, it pretty much cleared things up(!) (Shrugs and walks away.) (He looks down and shakes his head. He watches Brooke stand, pat some random guy, and carry on walking.) RANDOM GUY: Hey, Brooke. (Brook walks towards the entrance of the school only to be immediately accosted by Lucas.) LUCAS: Nice necklace. BROOKE: (Pause) Thanks, Felix gave it to me. LUCAS: (Trying to act indifferent.) I thought you guys were done. BROOKE: (Shrugs) That was before we currented up to full-on dating. Thus, the loot. LUCAS: Are you sure about this? BROOKE: (Misinterpreting) Look, Lucas, I know you don't like him but you don't really know him. LUCAS: Look, Brooke... I just want you to be happy. BROOKE: (Pause) Well, if I'm dating Felix and you're dating Anna, does that mean we're somehow related? LUCAS: Well, actually, Anna and I- FELIX: (o.s) Hey Brooke! (She looks at him.) You forgot something. BROOKE: What? FELIX: This. (Leans down and kisses her, Lucas looks away. She looks at Felix.) See you after? (Brooke nods. Felix and Lucas exchange looks before Felix walks away. Lucas frowns at his back.) BROOKE: Lucas, I'm happy. (Sincerely) I hope you are too. (Lucas smiles and walks away. Brooke turns and stares after him, thinking.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TRIC - DAY] (Karen skirts the club as she holds her phone to her ear, waiting for someone to pick up. She sits on the top step.) WOMAN: (Through the phone.) Hello? KAREN: (Surprised) Oh... Uh, I was looking for Andy Hargrove. Um... I must have dialled... (Shakes her head.) the wrong number. WOMAN: (Through the phone.) Actually, I grabbed his phone by mistake. He bought us both the same kind. KAREN: Is he there? WOMAN: (Through the phone.) He's in the shower. Who's this? KAREN: Um... A-a student. I'll call back. (She shuts the phone and sits, contemplating.) (A car drives up and stops off-screen, the car door shuts.) DEB: (o.s) Karen? (Cut to Deb.) Are we ever going to talk? KAREN: (Shakes her head, smiling self deprecatingly, and stands.) What is there to say? DEB: That I made a mistake. KAREN: Maybe what you did with Keith was a mistake... but lying to me about it was a choice! (Deb nods and looks down.) One that I can't accept from a business partner; or my friend. (Karen walks away and Deb watches her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRIC - THE BAR - DAY] (Lucas is sorting out bottles of drink and Jules is behind the bar.) JULES: (o.s) So, since your mom hired me to work here, Keith helped me do a crash refresher course on bartending last night. (Smiles) (Lucas laughs and looks up.) Ask me anything. LUCAS: OK, what's in a... Long Island ice tea? (Leans on the bar.) JULES: (Frowns, turns and looks before looking back at him.) Wouldn't you rather have a Screwdriver? (Lucas laughs again and Jules smiles. Her phone rings. Lucas looks down at her phone screen and sees 'DAN SCOTT' on it.) JULES: (o.s) Can you toss me that? (Lucas picks it up, frowning, and tosses it to Jules. She looks at the screen and turns her back to him, shooting him one last, stiff, smile before walking away to answer it.) (Lucas can sense trouble.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. JULES' HOUSE - DOORSTEP - DAY] (The door opens to show Jules. She sees Lucas and looks politely bewildered.) JULES: Lucas, Hey(!) (Opens the door further.) It's early. LUCAS: Yeah, (Looks around.) I know, uh, (Pause) can I talk to you? JULES: Sure, I was just meeting Keith for breakfast and... as usual, I'm late, but other than that... let me grab my shoes. (Leaves the door open.) LUCAS: (Enters) Yeah. JULES: (Over her shoulder.) Everything OK? LUCAS: Well, uh... that's what I'm here to ask you. JULES: (o.s) Is this about your mom? Coz Keith told me the whole story (Shot of her slipping her shoes on.) and I feel like I'm horning in. (Pause) LUCAS: (Bluntly) How do you know Dan? (Jules stands, confused, and walks to Lucas.) JUES: Do I know a Dan? LUCAS: Dan Scott - Keith's brother? (Accusingly) He called you on your cell yesterday at the club. JULES: (Smiling) Oh, that Dan. LUCAS: (Pushes when she doesn't elaborate.) Why'd he call you? JULES: I bought a car from him. (Shot of Lucas' sceptical look.) And Dan had some questions about my credit references. (Frowning) What's going on? LUCAS: (Pause as he looks away, embarrassed.) Eh-I'm just, you know... looking out for Keith. JULES: Keith's all grown up Lucas. (Smiles) LUCAS: Right. (Pause) Can we just... forget this? JULES: (Amused) Forget what? (Jules smiles and Lucas nods gratefully.) LUCAS: Thanks. (Lucas leaves the house and Jules' cool, indifferent demeanour falls. She crosses her arms worriedly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRIC - DAY] (The lights are switched and TRIC lights up. Spotlights move around. Shot of Jake's amazed face.) JAKE: Whoa! (Walks forward.) Peyton, this place is amazing(!) PEYTON: (Pleased) Thanks. It can be, it's just... it's harder than I thought. JAKE: Well when did you ever give up, huh? (Peyton looks at him, thinking.) PEYTON: Um... anyway, the uh, the big news is: Nathan and Haley got married(!) JAKE: Married? PEYTON: (Smiles and nods.) Um-hum. JAKE: For real? PEYTON: Yeah. And it turns out Haley is, like, this mega talented musician (Jake nods, impressed.) and she's going for it. (Jake gives Peyton a veiled look. She catches on.) PEYTON: What's the face? JAKE: ...Well, when I got off the bus, I saw Haley kissing some guy. (Peyton gapes, astounded.) He was... kinda scrawny; had a guitar case; sort of... hell-t hair. (Peyton gapes and looks away.) Who's he? PEYTON: Someone she shouldn't be kissing. (Looks back at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - DUSK] (Nathan shoots the basketball into the basket and it goes in as usual. Lucas runs onto the court.) LUCAS: Hey(!) (Stands ready.) Open up top(!) (Holds his hands out for the ball.) NATHAN: (Smiling) Huh... see, I don't know CPR and even if I did, I wouldn't (Lucas looks away.) give you mouth-to-mouth so... try not to drop when I'm the only person around. LUCAS: I'm getting the stupid test, (Nathan shakes his head, Lucas holds his hand out.) give me the damn ball. NATHAN: Forget it. (Lucas stands for a beat before charging at Nathan and the ball. Nathan turns and throws the ball as hard as he can; at the river. They stop and watch as it flies across the air and lands in the water, far away from the bank.) (Nathan laughs.) LUCAS: Nice air-ball. (Pause) How bout Playstation? Nobody ever croaked from that. NATHAN: That would involve me going home. (Messes with his ring again.) LUCAS: (Frowning) You and Haley still fighting? NATHAN: Her sister's here for a few days. LUCAS: (Groans) Which one? NATHAN: Taylor. LUCAS: (Leans forward slightly.) Taylor? (Nathan inclines his head. Lucas laughs.) Dude, she's crazy. NATHAN: Perfect(!) Dude, the thing is... when I saw her, I got that... déjà vu thing. Like uh... like I'd seen her before. LUCAS: Well, when we were freshman she was a senior so you probably saw her around school. NATHAN: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've seen more of her than that. (Sighs) (Explains) Two years ago, when they put me on varsity from the freshmen team... (Sighs) the seniors threw this, kinda, (Pause) out-there party at my parent's beach house... Taylor was there. LUCAS: (Starting to grin.) This is ugly. NATHAN: (Nods) Yeah, I was... I was pretty wasted... and... she was... (Sighs again.) she was kinda the first girl I ever had s*x with. (Lucas can't help himself and starts laughing.) Great(!) Great. Laugh it up. You know what; the only good news about this is that I don't think she really even remembers me. LUCAS: Oh, wow, you rocked her world, huh? (Laughs again.) NATHAN: This is not funny(!) LUCAS: You're right, it's hilarious! (Nathan tackles Lucas good-humouredly.) LUCAS: Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, heart patient, remember?! [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL STREETS - EVENING] (Felix and Brooke walk down a street.) FELIX: How bad is it? BROOKE: Well, let's see - my mom threw our last piece of water fern at my dad last night... and it shattered where the hopper used to hang and now he's sleeping in the pool house... while we still have one. So... FELIX: They talking about moving? Say no. BROOKE: Not so much talking as yelling, constantly. It's kinda gotten to the point where I just don't wanna go home, you know? (Felix shrugs and nods.) FELIX: Then we won't. (Brooke smiles.) Come on, I'll buy you a nice dinner. (Brooke looks up at the restaurant and falters.) BROOKE: (Whispering) No. No, no, no, no(!) Felix, we can't go in there, are you crazy?(!) FELIX: Why not? BROOKE: (Hissing) Because this is the place that you made me do... do the dine-and-dash thing on Dare Night! (Hits him on the chest.) (He laughs.) What is so funny? FELIX: You. Do you honestly think I'd do that to you? (She squints at him.) I paid the matredee on the way out when I left you. (Brooke tries to hold back a smile.) I'm full of surprises. BROOKE: You're full of something. (She smacks him again and enters the restaurant.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Nathan enters his apartment, sees the candles situated all over the apartment and does a double take. Taylor enters from the bathroom.) TAYLOR: You're home. Sorry (Points) bout the mess. I needed a major, hot, soak after my ten mile run. NATHAN: You run? TAYLOR: Well how do you think I got this great ass? (Nathan, doesn't know how to respond, looks down.) TAYLOR: Are you blushing? (Laughs) Adorable(!) (Pause) Run with me tomorrow. If... you can keep up. NATHAN: If you can keep up. TAYLOR: (Smiles) I... bought some beer; you want one? (Heads to the refrigerator.) NATHAN: Uh... yeah... sure. (Drops his keys on the worktop.) TAYLOR: (Takes two beers out and throws him one.) Look at you - such a jock(!) So, come talk to me. (She sits on the couch, one foot on the table, and opens the beer.) TAYLOR: How bad is it? NATHAN: (Sits next to her.) How bad is what? TAYLOR: This thing (Looks at him.) between you and Haley. (Shot of a bottle of baby oil as Taylor picks it up.) Dinner chucked in the garbage; little sis coming home in the middle of the night; hushed arguments behind closed doors. Though that and... she told me all about it. NATHAN: And she told you that Chris is out of the picture, right? TAYLOR: Chris... right. You're pretty threatened by him, huh? (Pours baby oil onto her palm.) NATHAN: (Laughs humourlessly.) Only because Haley was buying his crap. (Taylor rubs the oil onto her palms and rubs it onto her leg.) TAYLOR: For a smart girl, Haley sure can be stupid. (Nathan swallows as he watches her and the oil. He turns away.) NATHAN: What's... your issue with Haley? TAYLOR: I think she blames me for all the pressure she puts on herself. NATHAN: How so? TAYLOR: I dunno, she didn't wanna disappoint our parents like I did, I guess. (Nathan nods.) I tend to screw up, a lot. (She puts her other foot on the table.) NATHAN: (Looks away again.) Yeah, uh, (Laughs) I know how that is. TAYLOR: Really? (Nathan looks away and finishes his beer.) NATHAN: (Taps the neck of the bottle.) Mind if I get another beer? TAYLOR: (Outright flirting.) No, I insist. NATHAN: (Whispering.) Yeah, OK. (Stands and walks to the refrigerator.) TAYLOR: You know, I still can't believe little sis snagged such a hottie. (Nathan looks at her.) I mean, usually, I get them first. (She smiles at him.) (Nathan opens the bottle, it slips at her words and hits the floor; spilling its contents all over the place. He rubs his head and looks back up at Taylor. She bites her lip, amused.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE RESTAURANT - EVENING] (Brooke and Felix are sitting at a small table.) FELIX: You want anything else; after-dinner drink, dessert, new shoes? BROOKE: (Smiling) You don't have to buy me things. (Felix smiles and pulls his debit Mastercard out.) FELIX: (To the waiter.) Debit card ok? WAITER: Of course. BROOKE: Felix(!) FELIX: It's OK, Brooke. You're with me now. I'm gonna take care of you. (Brooke smiles, not entirely happy.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Peyton's bedroom door opens and Anna enters. Peyton is putting a lot of empty food cartons away, into a brown bag. She looks up as Anna enters.) ANNA: Looks like you were hungry. PEYTON: (Happy) Yeah, I had a friend over. (Shoves more cartons into the bag and looks up again.) You just missed him. ANNA: (Smile drops.) Him? (She closes the door.) PEYTON: Oh it's... not like that. (Smiles and puts the bag onto the floor.) Um... I was gonna call you, it's just... um, last time I saw you it was... (Sits on her bed.) pile-on-Peyton day. You know? So, um, sorry. ANNA: (Nods) Well, you had a right to be pissed at me. You needed a friend... and... I wasn't there for you. (Peyton smiles.) Anyway, (Pause) can I, um... still take you up on that 'we can talk anytime' offer? PEYTON: Yeah(!) Come on, (Pats her bed.) what's up? ANNA: (Sits) Lucas, kinda... broke up with me. I mean... I'm not sure if we were even dating but, now there's not even a chance. PEYTON: I'm sorry, Anna. (Anna nods and looks down.) ANNA: I don't know what I'm doing, Peyton. PEYTON: (Shakes her head.) None of us do. ANNA: (Sadly) Do you think there's something wrong with me? PEYTON: What?! No! (Turns to her fully.) I think maybe there's something wrong with Lucas; coz you are great. (Anna nods. Peyton smiles.) Come here. (They hug. Peyton pulls back and smiles. She touches Anna's hair. Anna leans forward and kisses her. Peyton, shocked, breaks it off and stares, dumbfounded, at Anna.) PEYTON: I- ANNA: (Standing) On my god(!) PEYTON: (Quickly) Anna, that not really my thing ANNA: I'm sorry. PEYTON: But- ANNA: (Turning to the door.) I'm-I gotta go. PEYTON: But, it-it's cool, Anna! (Anna shuts the door behind her, Peyton, mouth open, stares at the door before looking down.) FADE TO BLACK: [SCENE_BREAK] COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANNA AND FELIX'S HOUSE - ANNA'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Anna is sitting on her bed, reading, when Peyton knocks on her doorframe. Anna looks up.) PEYTON: Hey, I-I hope this is OK. (Walks in slowly.) ANNA: (Sighs) Look... I don't know what came over me. I was just... pretty upset and... you know, I wasn't really thinking straight. (Stops and looks up.) (Quietly) You know what I mean? PEYTON: Anna(!) It's cool... OK? I mean, now a lot of stuff makes sense like: how you acted at the Formal and... how you blew me off after the whole locker thing. ANNA: Can we please just forget the whole thing? PEYTON: (Smiling and shaking her head.) Absolutely not(!) (Pause) Don't be afraid to be who you are. (Anna looks away.) We can still be friends, right? ANNA: I don't know if I can do that. (Peyton raises her eyebrows.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - DAY] (Shot of Nathan and Taylor's legs as they run across the beach. The camera travels up; Nathan is clearly in the lead. He smacks the wooden structure of the lifeguard tower and holds a hand up in victory.) NATHAN: Mine(!) TAYLOR: (Holds her arms up.) Beat the girl(!) Such a gentleman(!) (She's out of breath.) NATHAN: (Smiles) Sorry. Good run. TAYLOR: (Sighs) Yeah. If I don't run everyday, I got nuts. (Nathan looks at her.) Started when I left home; been running ever since. NATHAN: I know the feeling. TAYLOR: Now I am all about the future. Speaking for which - we haven't had our mollocarian bathing ritual yet. NATHAN: A what? TAYLOR: The mollocars, are a tribe in the South Pacific who celebrate weddings with a family bath. NATHAN: They must have a big tub. TAYLOR: (Laughing) In the ocean dumbass. NATHAN: (Laughs) Ah, what(!) TAYLOR: It symbolises the washing away of past sins and the rebirth of the family's soul. NATHAN: You have any idea how cold that water is? TAYLOR: Yeah, but I'm gonna appeal to you competitive side, sissy(!) (Smiles) NATHAN: Alright(!) (Pause) On three. (Taylor laughs.) NATHAN: One, (They crouch.) two- TAYLOR: (Shouts) Three! (Takes off.) NATHAN: What-get back here! (He runs after her.) (Taylor screams as the cold water touches her.) NATHAN: Oh(!) It's cold! (He falls into the water. A wave crashes over them.) TAYLOR: Got you! (Laughs) Mollocai's is a bar in Durham! NATHAN: What! (He tries so splash her but falls back instead.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - DAY] (Lucas is standing on the court drinking water. Felix comes up behind him.) FELIX: I warned you, man. (Lucas shakes his head as Felix continues to walk to him.) LUCAS: (Sighs and turns.) You know, this is really getting old. FELIX: Heh, not as old as you hurting my sister. She's at home, crying, coz of you. LUCAS: I'm sorry man, but I don't see how any of this is your business. FELIX: (Advances) Coz I make it my business. You hurt her, I hurt you. (Pushes Lucas hard.) LUCAS: (Backs up but stays standing.) You don't wanna do that. FELIX: You're right, what I wanna be doing is this. (Punches him hard in the face.) (Lucas groans, rights himself and punches Felix hard enough to knock him down. Lucas hovers over Felix, ready to hit him again but his groaning makes Lucas pull back.) LUCAS: (Stands up.) Forget it(!) (Lucas turns around and walks away. Felix sits up, lunges, and grabs Lucas' legs. Lucas loses his balance and hits his head on the corner of the bench; hard. He grabs his head and moans in pain. Felix stands.) FELIX: (Still favouring his chin.) Yeah, one more thing. (Kicks him in the stomach.) (Lucas goes down, holding his head and stomach. Felix glares and walks away. Camera zooms in on Lucas rolling around on the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE BEACH HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Nathan and Taylor enter the beach house.) TAYLOR: Damn, boy(!) Why aren't we living here? NATHAN: It's my dad's. (Holds up the keys.) Got the keys though. (Puts them on the table.) Tell you what - I'll turn on the fireplace (Uses the remote to turn the fireplace on.) if you grab the towels. (Points) They're just- TAYLOR: (Interrupting) I know where they are. (Nathan pauses.) TAYLOR: Varsity basketball. (Nods) NATHAN: (Nods also.) (Quietly) Yeah. (Taylor grins and heads for the alcohol.) Um... I was pretty wasted that night. TAYLOR: Oh, what, you don't remember me? NATHAN: No, uh, of course I remember you, I just... (Taylor smirks at him.) I didn't think you would come back to bite me in the ass. TAYLOR: (Amused) Well this time I'll only nibble. (Pours some alcohol for both of them.) NATHAN: (Sighs and shakes his head.) Why didn't you say anything? TAYLOR: (Puts the top back on the decanter.) I was having too much fun watching you squirm. (Laughs and walks to him.) Does that make me bad? (Pauses before giving him the glass.) Here. (Nathan looks at her before they knock glasses. They sit on the rug before the fireplace.) NATHAN: So are you gonna tell me why you're really in town? TAYLOR: (Sighs) I... screwed up at school. I got caught cheating on an exam... and then my professor and I got caught cheating on his wife(!) He was paying my rent; expenses. (Inhales) Yeah, until she found out and then that was that. (Nods) So, I... got kicked out. (Looks at him.) And, next thing, I'm... knocking on your door. (Nathan nods.) So how bout we make a deal? (Pause) You keep my secret... and I'll keep yours. NATHAN: (Nods) That sounds like a good plan. (Taylor nods. Nathan sighs.) NATHAN: Speaking of Haley - uh, we should get back. TAYLOR: I guess we could do that. (Looks pointedly.) This time. (Nathan smiles and looks back down.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton is sitting on her bed. Jake is propped up on his side; facing her and listening to her speak.) PEYTON: You know... how you find a song and you just listen to it, like, over and over and over again, until it becomes this, like, soundtrack, until you find... a new one? JAKE: Or, till you wanna forget the things that it reminds you of. PEYTON: (Pauses and smiles sadly.) How's you life, Jake? JAKE: It's been hard. (Pause) You know, I'm not in school and... I'm working all these crummy jobs and the whole time I just keep looking over my shoulder thinking that Nikki's gonna swoop down and snatch Jenny away. (Peyton doesn't answer; she avoids his eyes, looking forward sadly.) JAKE: You know I have to go back, Peyton. PEYTON: (Smiles, trying to be strong.) I know. JAKE: I'd stay if I could. (Peyton looks at him.) I want you to know that. PEYTON: (Can't reply.) So, when are you leaving? JAKE: Tomorrow. I promised my folks - I'd have dinner with them tonight. (Gets up and leans over to pick his things up.) But... I'll stop by - in the morning, before I head out. PEYTON: (Sits at the end of her bed.) Jake, (Pause) can you stay here again, tonight? (Pause) Just to sleep. (Jake looks at her before dropping his things, nodding slightly.) JAKE: I'll come back after dinner. (He smiles. Peyton stands and hugs him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - DINING AREA - EVENING] (Shot of an orange cup as Karen walks over and picks it up. The door opens and Andy enters.) ANDY: I thought (Karen looks at him.) that since you wouldn't answer my calls, maybe you'd been abducted or something. (Smiles) KAREN: (Evasively) I assume your mother has an accent? ANDY: (Confused) Ah... not to me but yeah. KAREN: And you said you don't have a sister. ANDY: Just one loser brother. (Pause) What's this about? KAREN: (Puts the dirty dishes down.) I called you in New York; and a woman answered and said you were in the shower. (He looks down.) Now this may not be fair to you but with everyone lying to me lately, (Pause) who is she? ANDY: Look, Karen, um... this is something that I'm not really proud of but- KAREN: (Holds her hand up and cuts him off.) Tell you what - from now on; I'm the student you're the professor... and I'll see you in class(!) (Picks up the dishes and walks away.) (Andy watches her and looks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - KITCHEN - EVENING] (Haley puts a tart into a tub. The door opens and a smiling Nathan and Taylor enter.) HALEY: Oh, nice, you guys finally decided to come home. (Puts a lid on the tub.) NATHAN: (Shuts the door.) I left you a note. We went for a jog. HALEY: To where - Atlanta? TAYLOR: (Uncomfortably) I'm... gonna... go take a shower. (Excuses them, walking into the bathroom.) HALEY: (Quietly to Nathan.) We are supposed to be working on our marriage. NATHAN: At least you knew where I was. HALEY: (Closes her eyes for a second.) This has to stop, Nathan. (He sighs.) I don't wanna lose you and it's obvious that we still have issues; only now it just feels like you're avoiding me. NATHAN: I'm not avoiding you! HALEY: Then why are you spending so much time with Taylor? NATHAN: (Surprised) Wha-are you threatened by her? HALEY: (Turning to the refrigerator.) I don't trust her. (Nathan looks down, sighs and nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ANNA AND FELIX'S HOUSE - FELIX'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Felix is sitting at his desk, writing. Brooke enters, closes the door and crosses her arms.) FELIX: Whoa girl, you look happy. BROOKE: (Walks to him, not smiling.) I can't keep this. (Holds out the necklace that he gave her.) (Felix takes it. Close-up of the necklace.) FELIX: Why not? BROOKE: Because my mom married my dad for his money and you see how well that worked out. FELIX: (Sits up from his reclining position.) You think that's all this is? BROOKE: I don't wanna be like her. And you're giving me nice gifts and buying me expensive meals and I don't wanna do it anymore. FELIX: You're breaking up with me? BROOKE: No(!) Just with your money. (Felix frowns.) I need to start feeling good about myself so I can start feeling good about us. OK? FELIX: OK. (Nods) (Brooke nods, crosses her arms and looks away.) BROOKE: I really don't wanna go home. FELIX: (Stands) Spend the night with me. BROOKE: (Tiredly) I'm not in the mood. FELIX: So? Spend the night anyway. BROOKE: (Smiles) ...You really are full of surprises aren't you? (He hugs her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Peyton is in bed asleep. She turns and the camera pans to Jake. He's sitting up in bed, looking at nothing.) PEYTON: (Opens her eyes and looks at him.) Trouble sleeping? JAKE: (Shakes his head slowly.) Just listening to you breathe. (Peyton laughs, embarrassed.) Been thinking about stuff. (She looks at him.) Alright Peyton, I gotta ask you - the other night, when I found you... that was a drug deal. (Peyton looks away.) Am I right? I mean, Lucas called me for a reason a-. PEYTON: I-um... (Long pause. Jake waits.) I did coke with that guy... but it was... it was one time and... (Lamely) it was stupid. (Softly) I know. JAKE: You've got so much going on, why would you need a crush like that? PEYTON: (Pauses as she looks at him.) I was weak. (Jake closes his eyes and leans back. She shakes her head.) You don't have to worry about me, Jake. JAKE: I know. (Pause) (Looks at her.) But what if I want to? (Peyton, smiles and looks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JULES' HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - EVENING] (Jules opens the door to Lucas, again. He's standing there with a cut on his forehead.) LUCAS: Hey, Jules. JULES: Lucas, people are gonna start talking if you keep- LUCAS: (Cuts her off.) You lied to me about how you know Dan. (Her smile falls.) I checked you out at the dealership. JULES: (Sighs) Come inside, OK? (Lucas walks in, slightly slowly due to his injury. Jules closes the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JULES' HOUSE - DINING ROOM - EVENING] (Lucas is sitting at the table.) LUCAS: So, I know you paid cash for the car; which means, (Pause) there was no credit check. (Jules sighs and looks down.) JULES: Bout two years ago, I was engaged to this guy. (Pause) (Smiles) I was crazy about him; even after he hit me a few times. I thought it wasn't gonna happen again... until he put me in the hospital for two weeks. He disappeared after that and... my welcome home present was finding out that I was over a hundred and fifty thousand dollars in debt; with no way to pay the medical bills. (Walks forward.) I was beyond desperate, Lucas. (Pause) So I posted an add on this website; saying I'd do anything, legal, for money. LUCAS: (Knowingly) And Dan answered. JULES: Said he'd help me out. He started paying my medical bills. (Lucas sighs, shakes his head and looks away.) LUCAS: So, (Pause) what did he ask you to do? JULES: (Miserably) Make Keith fall in love with me. (Pause) Then break his heart. (Lucas can't deal. He shakes his head, looks down and sighs, rubbing his head.) JULES: I tried to tell Dan that I wasn't gonna go through with it but its too late. (He looks up.) I never though I was gonna fall in love with Keith. (He looks at her disbelievingly.) But I did, Lucas. You have to believe me; I love him(!) (Lucas doesn't believe her.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RSIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton wakes up, the place beside her, on the bed, is empty. She looks forward, soberly.) PEYTON: Thought I was having a... (Jake's shoving his things into a bag.) bad dream only to wake up and find out its real. (Smiles) But, I know that you have to go. JAKE: Last night, you said you were feeling weak. Well here, (Picks something up.) let me show you something I use when I'm feeling weak. (Hands her a piece of paper, folded into eighths. She begins to open it.) 'If my hopes could bring you home, you and Jenny would be with me now'. (Continues to pack.) PEYTON: (Grinning) It's the first email I sent you? (Smiles and opens it.) JAKE: It's like, I'd be working one of those jobs or... (Shakes his head.) feeling like I was gonna be on the run forever and I would-I'd read those words and... it's like this sudden calm... would wash over me. (Peyton looks away.) You're so strong, Peyton. (Shakes his head.) You don't even know it. I mean, you got me through some pretty dark days. (Nods) And... I've been thinking that, if I can get all that... from some words on a piece of paper... just imagine what it would be like to have the real thing every day. (Peyton gapes and smiles.) I'm just-I'm tired of running, Peyton; come with me, let's bring Jenny back home. (Nods) PEYTON: (Disbelieving) Yeah? JAKE: Yeah. (Nods) PEYTON: (Nods happily.) Yeah. (Laughs) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Haley snatches Taylor's things off the table.) TAYLOR: (Wakes up.) What are you doing? HALEY: I'm helping you pack(!) TAYLOR: (Sits up.) Am I packing? (Haley dumps her things into a bag.) HALEY: That's where I'm sending you; packing. (Picks up more of Taylor's things.) TAYLOR: (Takes the covers off her legs.) Wait a minute, Haley. HALEY: You know what; complain window is close, OK? It's time for you to go back to school. TAYLOR: I'm... done with school. HALEY: Well, I'm sorry. I need to be here, working on saving my marriage and you're getting in the way(!) TAYLOR: I need a few days to figure things out. HALEY: A few days is gonna turn into a few weeks. I know you, Taylor. By then, it might be too late for Nathan and me. NATHAN: (o.s) We have to let her stay, Haley. (Nathan is leaning against the wall, watching them. Both girls look at him.) (Close-up of Nathan.) She's family. (Haley looks heavenward and shakes her head.) NATHAN: Just until you figure out what you're gonna do, alright? TAYLOR: (Smiles gratefully and nods.) Sure. Thanks, Nathan. (Nathan looks at Haley. She's very close to glaring.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL COLLEGE - BUSINESS 101 - DAY] (Andy enters the classroom. Karen is sitting in her seat. They exchange uncomfortable looks.) ANDY: Today, we're gonna pick up with managerial ethics; where we left off just before my trip. (Looks at Karen, scratches his head and picks up a piece of chalk to write on the greenboard. He writes 'ETHICS' in block capitals.) (Pause) Actually, no, (Drops the chalk.) change of plan, forget that. Who can tell me the word that I wrote on the board on the first day? (Karen looks down.) ANDY: Karen? KAREN: (Looks up and says, reservedly.) Greed. ANDY: That's right. It's a motivating factor in business, religion, politics. (Pause) I mean, I know it sure as hell motivated me. (Pause) Or it used to. Three years ago, I was barrelling along in my SUV, on my way to yet another meeting with yet another financial group. At that point in time, my liquid assets totalled around thirty-one million. On my cell I had a broker... who could have, uh, pushed my net-worth up by another quarter of a million. (Pause) And I was so on my game this day. I mean, I was saying all the right things; I was turning all the right screws... when, um... (Looks down and sighs.) I didn't even see her - until I got out of the car. (Karen looks at him, comprehending.) By that time, she was lying in a-in a pretty impossible angle and there was... so much blood that I-I was sure that I'd killed her. (Karen blinks and looks down.) ANDY: But she survived. Her name is Miriam... and, uh, (Sighs) she's gonna carry that accident around with her forever. (Pause) As will I. (Everyone's looking at him.) ANDY: Since then, I've tried to do right by her and... twice a year, (Pause) I visit her and her son. To make sure they're OK. And some people say that I do that out of guilt; that may be but... there's another reason that I do it; I do it to remind myself that in this life, (Pause) there's a point when enough's enough. (Nods at Karen.) Now if you're haggling over money that you don't even need; enough's enough. (Pause) Just... believe me on that. (He looks at Karen one last time before walking behind his desk.) ANDY: So, if you'll still have me, um... managerial ethics. (Camera zooms in Karen's solemn face.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - SIDEWALK - DAY] (Jake puts his bag into Peyton's car.) JAKE: Tunes for the road? PEYTON: Yep, right (Pulls out a CD.) here(!) JAKE: You got your bag? PEYTON: In the trunk! JAKE: Beef jerky? (He gets behind the wheel. Peyton stares, open-mouthed.) Oh, come on, you can't have a road trip without beef jerky. (Shuts the door.) You're buying. PEYTON: OK, how bout, (Pulls her mastercard out.) I got my debit card; we'll just stop at the first truck stop! JAKE: Now we're talking. (Peyton gets in.) Top up or top down? PEYTON: (Smiles) Down. (Takes her bag off.) I don't think it's gonna rain today. (She smiles and Jake starts the car. They drive off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KAREN'S CAFÉ (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] FOCUS TO: [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - COUNTER - DAY] (Deb is sitting at the bar, waiting for Karen. She turns when Karen enters.) DEB: I know you have no reason to believe anything I say, but, I feel awful about this, Karen. (Pause) Our friendship has gotten me through some pretty dark days. I never meant to betray that. But... I can have my lawyer drop off the papers to dissolve our partnership, if that's what you want. KAREN: (Shakes her head and smiles.) It isn't, Deb. Just... please don't lie to me again. (Deb smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - EVENING] (High angle shot of Lucas who is playing basketball by himself. The ball misses and he runs for it.) ANNA: (o.s) Felix told me what happened. (She walks into the shot.) LUCAS: (Scoffs) I'll live. ANNA: I kind of owe you the biggest apology in the world, Lucas. LUCAS: (Confused) Me? ANNA: Yeah. (Pause) Coz, um... I've been blaming a lot of stuff on you that isn't your fault. (Lucas inclines his head.) The last place we lived, the all-girls school I went to, there were these... rumours that got started and... (Breathes deeply.) my family found out and... I made a big deal out of it all... and we moved. Felix was pissed at me because of that. (Sighs) But the thing is, Lucas, those rumours, weren't just rumours. (Looks away.) They were true. LUCAS: What were the rumours? ANNA: That I like girls. (Looks away.) You're the first person I have ever said those words to out loud. (She's clearly upset.) LUCAS: OK. ANNA: (There are tears in her eyes.) I mean, I'm into guys too so its a-it's kind of confusing and... I guess I put all my hopes on you; (Shakes her head.) which wasn't fair. (Lucas looks away, smiling humourlessly.) I thought since... you liked me and I liked you, maybe... that would make it go away. (Lucas smiles at her.) Until you broke things off and then... there I was - right back where I started. (Lucas can't take all of the information he's been getting today.) I'm not proud of it but that's why I was mad at you. Only I guess I was really mad at myself. LUCAS: Wow, huh, this is a new one. ANNA: I'm not ready for people to know; especially Felix(!) LUCAS: (Sincerely) I won't say anything. ANNA: (Smiles) Thanks. (He nods.) And, I won't say anything about you and Brooke. LUCAS: (Busted) What about me and Brooke? ANNA: (Smiles knowingly.) She's the girl you like, right? I mean, it's kind of obvious. LUCAS: (Trying to find the words.) ...I thought I was cooler than that. ANNA: Well, apparently not(!) LUCAS: (Smiles at her and nods.) Come here. (He walks over and hugs her. He still can't believe it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE ROAD - PEYTON'S CAR - EVENING] (Peyton is asleep again. Jake is driving. Peyton moves over and rests her head on his shoulder. Jake looks at her a beat before looking back at the road and smiling.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Brooke is looking through some of her snapshots of Peyton and herself and smiling. Felix comes up behind her.) FELIX: I want you to have this. (Puts the necklace around her neck.) BROOKE: Felix- FELIX: (Talks to her through the mirror.) It's a gift. It's not a payment. And I didn't buy it for you as much as I bought it for me. (Rubs her shoulders.) Coz seeing you wear it makes me happy. (Brooke smiles reluctantly. Felix rubs her shoulders again.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL COLLEGE - ANDY'S OFFICE - DAY] (Andy is sitting at his desk, typing onto his laptop. Karen walks up, knocks on the door, holding a brown bag from her café. Andy looks up.) KAREN: (Holds the bag up.) Sandwiches? (Andy puts his pen down and stands.) KAREN: You like crow? Coz I've been craving it lately. ANDY: (Laughs) Don't worry about it. It's about time I owned up to my mistakes. KAREN: (Smiles) Me too. (She takes a sandwich out and gives it to him.) ANDY: (Accepts it.) This isn't really crow, I hope. KAREN: (Takes her own out.) Turkey with Swiss. (Smiles) Apologies on the side. (Andy laughs and they sit down with their respective sandwiches. He takes his out and smiles at her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KEITH'S APARTMENT - DOORSTEP - EVENING] (Keith opens the door to Lucas; in a suit.) KEITH: Hey(!) LUCAS: Keith, uh, can I talk to you? KEITH: Sure. (Steps aside to show Jules on the couch.) Come on in. LUCAS: You know, um, (Stops when he sees her. Jules' smile falls.) did I happen to leave my... MP3 player here? KEITH: Uh, no, haven't seen it. LUCAS: (Still looking at Jules.) Right, um... KEITH: Oh, what, you wanna come in and hang out? (Jules knows why Lucas' really there.) LUCAS: No, I'm OK. See ya. (Turns and leaves.) (Keith turns to Jules who just smiles stiffly at him. Keith closes the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - OUTSIDE - DAY] (Students walk around outside before the start of school. A couple holding hands walk by in slow motion. Anna watches them. Lucas walks up to her, looking at them too.) LUCAS: Feeling left out? ANNA: A little. LUCAS: Well, you wanna be left out together? (Holds his arm out.) (Anna smiles and takes his arm. They walk down together.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY] (Nathan is sitting at the worktop, on the laptop. Haley is working away at the counter and Taylor is in the bathroom, the door is open. She wipes steam off of a part of the mirror and watches Nathan through it. He looks up and she smiles. He stares for a moment.) NATHAN: (To Haley.) Hey, uh, do you need some help? HALEY: (Looks back and nods.) Yeah, sure. (Nathan nods, looks back at Taylor once more time before heading over to his wife. She hands him a spoon, they kiss and the camera zooms out slowly.)
Plan: A: Haley; Q: Who is surprised when her older sister Taylor comes to town? A: a past tryst; Q: What does Nathan recognize Taylor from? A: Brooke and Felix; Q: Who decide to become boyfriend and girlfriend? A: Jake; Q: Who makes a special visit to Peyton? A: a decision; Q: What do Jake and Peyton make together? A: Anna; Q: Who tells Lucas a secret? A: Blues Traveler; Q: What band did the episode "Taylor" come from? Summary: Haley is surprised when her older sister Taylor comes to town, but not as shocked as Nathan, who recognizes Taylor from a past tryst. Brooke and Felix decide to become boyfriend and girlfriend. Jake makes a special visit to Peyton and they make a decision together. Anna tells Lucas a secret. This episode is named after a song by Blues Traveler .
BILL STRUTTON 5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM DOCTOR: I wouldn't had thought it possible but somehow we've materialised for a split second of time...and been imprisoned in some kind of force. I simply can't break its hold. Somewhere, somehow, the...we're being slowly dragged down. Hmm (Laughs nervously.) IAN: Dragged down? DOCTOR: Hmm ... IAN: To what? (The DOCTOR looks straight at IAN. He has no answer...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. VORTIS (The planet is bleak and desolate. Crags and craters sparsely populate the surface. A large number of moons hang in the cloudless, dark, star-filled sky. Webs hang between the crags and a strange mist is permanently in the soundless air. With a roar of its engines the TARDIS materialises...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (This is the un-welcoming sight that appears on the TARDIS scanner. The DOCTOR, changed out of his toga and back into his normal clothes, stands before the screen. With his finger tips together and a stern look on his face, he contemplates the TARDIS'S latest landing place.) DOCTOR: All responses...negative. Air thin and static. Hmm! (The DOCTOR turns back to the console as BARBARA, also changed, comes out of the living area. She carries one of the Roman goblets in her hand which she is drinking out of. She too looks up at the scanner.) BARBARA: Crags and pools... (She walks over to a corner of the console room where an alcove contains several pieces of instrumentation. IAN sits before it as he finishes changing by putting on a pair of shoes.) BARBARA: Oh, it's like a cemetery, it's so quiet. IAN: Yeah, no vegetation and I haven't seen anything move yet. (He digs her with his elbow.) We're on the moon! (VICKI, now back in her original dress from Dido, comes out of the living area.) DOCTOR: (To himself.) Hu hu! What is holding us here? What force, hmm? VICKI: That looks a bit grim. Where are we? DOCTOR: Hmm? (The DOCTOR continues to make "Hmm"ing noises to himself as he contemplates the console. He seems utterly perplexed by their predicament.) IAN: Doctor, can't there just be something wrong with the TARDIS? DOCTOR: Wrong? My boy, we've been dragged off our course. The question is, is it some natural phenomena or...is it intelligent, deliberate, or...for a purpose, hmm? BARBARA: Oh, you'll find the answer, Doctor. You always do. DOCTOR: Er, what? Hmm? BARBARA: You'll find the answer. DOCTOR: Oh yes, my dear, yes, I...I...I'm confident that I can counteract it with more power. Yes, now let me see, er. (As the DOCTOR returns to his instruments, VICKI'S face contracts in pain...) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. VORTIS (Outside the TARDIS, an unusual and alien creature scurries into view. Although the height of a man, it resembles nothing less than a huge black ant. It gives out a high pitched warbling chirrup which brings another of its kind from around one of the crags. They chirrup to each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR activates several controls...) DOCTOR: Good! Good, the power response is satisfactory. (VICKI'S face is still contorted...) VICKI: Can you hear it? Listen! DOCTOR: Er, hmm? VICKI: What is it? DOCTOR: (Dismissing her complaints.) Oh! VICKI: Ian, Barbara, what is it? IAN: What can you hear, Vicki? VICKI: (Putting her hands to her head.) A sort of...humming. Oh! Can't you hear it? DOCTOR: Hmm? (VICKI staggers in pain. BARBARA rushes to her assistance.) IAN: Do you hear anything, Doctor? DOCTOR: Oh, she's probably heard an extra-sonic sound. You know, the...thing that young people and young animals hear. (Laughs.) Excuse me, you're in the way. (IAN steps out of the way so that the DOCTOR can circle the console.) VICKI: (With relief.) Oh, it's stopped. Barbara, it's stopped! BARBARA: Are you all right now? VICKI: Yes, yes thanks. (BARBARA crosses to the DOCTOR.) BARBARA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Mmm? BARBARA: Doctor, we must get out of here. DOCTOR: Oh yes, I quite agree. I quite agree. The power build up is strong enough. Yes, quite satisfactory. Well now the motor's ... (The DOCTOR checks another control.) DOCTOR: Yeah... (Laughs.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. VORTIS (One of the ant creatures scurries over to where another alien creature waits between two crags. This one resembles a large grub. It moves forward on its myriad number of legs...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR mutters and laughs to himself as he attempts to free the TARDIS from the force that is holding it. IAN and BARBARA look at each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. VORTIS (The TARDIS fades out of and into view but it cannot break free of the force. One of the ants chirrups to the grub creature. It shuffles between the two ants. Their arms twitch as they continue to chirrup. A web starts to appear in front of the TARDIS.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The column on the console falls and the hum of the TARDIS instruments die down. The four travellers stare at the dead instruments. Suddenly the chirruping of the creatures is heard inside the ship. As BARBARA'S hands fly to her ears, the whole room lurches to one side and the four companions are thrown to one side. As IAN catches hold of the DOCTOR, BARBARA crouches down by the console and stares up in terror at the scanner. The ship steadies down.) IAN: What's happening, Doctor, what's happening? DOCTOR: We seem to be caught! Trapped somehow. Is it...some strange phenomena? (He indicates the console.) There's no power in the ship - it's useless! BARBARA: (Now stood up.) Ian, Doctor, look! (The scanner image is also steady. It displays several of the crags. They all look up at it.) BARBARA: I saw a flash - behind one of those crags. IAN: Where? BARBARA: Out there - I saw it! I saw it! IAN: Well, it's not there now. BARBARA: (Angrily.) Well I can see it's not there n... DOCTOR: All right, all right, don't ..t..snap at each other, my dear. BARBARA: I'm sorry. DOCTOR: You probably saw some cosmic ray which is causing the interference. BARBARA: Well, I was almost...Vicki? (BARBARA sees that the young girl is still on the floor and slightly stunned. BARBARA goes over to her.) VICKI: The noise - it's stopped? BARBARA: Yes. It's all gone now. Come on, I think you'd better lie down for a while. (She helps her up and over to the living quarters.) DOCTOR: So disturbing all this interference. IAN: Well, Doctor? DOCTOR: I can't understand it. Well, there's nothing for it, my boy, but we shall, er, it's a matter of, er, exploration. We shall have to go and find the trouble of this, er, interference and then learn how to counteract it. IAN: Oh... DOCTOR: Hmm. IAN: No need for the other two to come. I'll go and tell them. DOCTOR: Quite so. (IAN walks over to the living quarters and meets BARBARA coming out.) IAN: Oh, how is she? BARBARA: Oh, she's better. (IAN goes into the living quarters.) BARBARA: Oh, Doctor? DOCTOR: Uh? BARBARA: Do you have such a thing as a sedative? DOCTOR: Of course, my dear. It's in the first aid box. You know where it is - there, it's facing you. (The DOCTOR points to a box which is among many pieces on a table in the alcove.) BARBARA: Oh, yes. (BARBARA goes over to the alcove and starts rummaging round the items on the table.) BARBARA: Oh, Doctor! What a mess. Honestly, one of these days, I'm going to have a jolly good spring clean around here. (IAN comes back out of the living quarters as BARBARA picks up a small tube-like container.) IAN: She's asleep already. Oh, er, Barbara. The Doctor and I are going outside to have a look around. (BARBARA is about to say something but IAN won't let her.) IAN: Now, don't worry. I won't let him out of my sight. DOCTOR: (Coming back into console room.) Nearly done, my boy? Hmm. IAN: Yes, er, we're ready. (To BARBARA.) We'll be all right. BARBARA: Be careful - both of you. (BARBARA takes the container into the living quarters. The DOCTOR has changed into a hooded white jacket. He holds up another for IAN.) DOCTOR: (To BARBARA.) Yes, yes, yes, of course, of course. (To IAN.) Now, I want you to wear this ADJ. IAN: This what? DOCTOR: It's an Atmospheric Density Jacket, to be precise. IAN: Oh... (The DOCTOR helps IAN on with the jacket.) IAN: I see. Is the atmosphere a bit thin? DOCTOR: Yes, I'm afraid it's rather sub-normal. IAN: Hmm. Hello? DOCTOR: Mmm? IAN: What's this extraordinary thing? (IAN is looking at two metallic tubes which come out of the front of the jacket and face up towards the face of the wearer.) DOCTOR: Oh, these are what they technically call, er, respiratory compensator. IAN: Oh, I see. A sort of, er, advanced oxygen mask, eh? DOCTOR: Exactly, exactly. IAN: Well, come on then Doctor. (He walks towards the doors but suddenly stops...) IAN: Ahh! How do we open the doors? We have no power. DOCTOR: Er...ah... (The DOCTOR tries the door control but, of course, there is no response.) DOCTOR: Ah, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear! Hmm. It's one thing after another... IAN: (Smiling.) Hmm? DOCTOR: Yes, well, I, er, I, er... (The DOCTOR glances at the large ring on his finger. He seems embarrassed.) DOCTOR: I didn't want to, er... IAN: Hey? (The DOCTOR takes the ring off.) DOCTOR: Er, this is, er, not merely a decorative object. (Laughs.) (He walks over to the alcove in the corner.) DOCTOR: Come along, come along. (A puzzled IAN follows. The DOCTOR flicks a switch on one machine and another switch on a second machine from which a photo-electric cell lights up. The DOCTOR waves the ring, now back on his finger, several times in front of the cell. As the DOCTOR chuckles, the doors swing open silently. The DOCTOR, still laughing at his "victory" over IAN'S pessimism, puts on a white Astrakhan hat and scuttles out of the ship. IAN with a glimpse at the photo-electric cell follows. The doors swing closed behind them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. TARDIS. GIRL'S BEDROOM (VICKI lies on one of the beds which slide down out of the wall. BARBARA enters with the tablets and container from the first aid box and a small metal goblet of water.) BARBARA: Vicki, here, take these. You'll feel much better. VICKI: (Taking the tablets.) What is it? BARBARA: Oh, it's just something to make you sleep. VICKI: May I see the container. (BARBARA passes her this as well as the goblet. She sits on the other bed.) BARBARA: Any aches or pains. VICKI: No I didn't hurt myself. My ears still sting a bit, but that's all. (VICKI reads the label on the container.) BARBARA: Well, have you decided yet whether to take the prescribed dose? VICKI: It looks a bit medieval. BARBARA: What do you mean? VICKI: Well, you wouldn't like it if I wanted to stick leaches all over you, would you? And I mean, it boils down to the same thing. They might have taken these in your time, but that doesn't mean... BARBARA: Now, wait a minute. You can't blame my generation for everything and those pills belong to the Doctor. VICKI: Well, he must have picked them up on his travels then because I've never seen "As-per-in" before! BARBARA: Oh, so you studied medicine at school, did you? VICKI: Yes, of course I did. Didn't you teach it? BARBARA: No. We worked upwards from the three R's. VICKI: Hmm? BARBARA: Reading, writing, 'rithmatic. VICKI: Oh, it was a nursery school! BARBARA: (Snaps.) It was not! VICKI: Oh...I wish I'd gone to your school. We had to take a certificate of education in medicine, physics, chemistry... BARBARA: Now, wait a minute, how old were you? VICKI: Well, I was ten when I took those... BARBARA: Ten! Ha, what did you do in your time - live in the classroom? VICKI: Live in the what? BARBARA: Classroom... (VICKI is unsure what she means.) lecture hall. (VICKI is still no clearer. BARBARA gives up with that line of questioning.) BARBARA: How long did you study? VICKI: Almost an hour a week! We had these machines, you see, and we... (BARBARA decides to give up on the conversation.) BARBARA: All right, Vicki. Now look, you don't there's anything wrong with those pills, do you? VICKI: No. BARBARA: Well, why don't you just pander to my...old-fashioned medieval superstitions and take them for me? VICKI: Well... BARBARA: After all, it would save me having to put make-up on and a mask and dance round a fire in order to get rid of the evil spirits! VICKI: (Laughing.) All right! BARBARA: Good! (VICKI swallows the tablets with a grimace. She notices that BARBARA is admiring the gold bracelet that adorns her arm.) VICKI: That's nice, Barbara. I haven't seen you wear it before. BARBARA: Mmm, the bracelet? No, I haven't had it for very long. VICKI: Was it a present? BARBARA: Mmm. VICKI: From Ian? BARBARA: No. VICKI: (Lying back.) Oh... BARBARA: From Nero as a matter of fact. VICKI: Oh. (She sits up in shock.) VICKI: From Nero? But it couldn't have been, we... BARBARA: I haven't had a chance to tell you before but Ian and I went to Rome also. VICKI: What...I...I... BARBARA: I'll tell you all about it when you wake up. (BARBARA pushes her back down on the bed. VICKI looks at her with a suspicious smile on her face.).) VICKI: I'm not sure whether you're making it up or not. I'll ask Ian. He'll tell me. BARBARA: Well you do that. (Walking out.) He'll be back soon. (VICKI sits up again.) VICKI: Back?! (Worried, to herself.) He's gone outside... [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. VORTIS (Several yards from the TARDIS, IAN looks their surroundings whilst the DOCTOR examines a rock formation with his monocle. The strange mist hangs as a distortion in the air. In the thin atmosphere of the planet, their voices have a slight echo.) DOCTOR: Well, well, well, that is remarkable! Hmm! (Laughs.) Gracious, er, during all my travels, I don't think I've ever come across this. Magical? Isn't it extraordinary. I say, are you there, my...Chesterton? Chesterton, what are you doing, dear boy? Fiddling and gaping over there. Come over here and learn something. Look here, do you see what this is? Mica, hmm? IAN: Yes, one of the silicates. DOCTOR: Capable of, er, withstanding great heat, hmm. IAN: Quite. DOCTOR: Have you got something sharp I can have for a moment, hmm? IAN: Er...oh! Try my pen. (IAN takes a gold pen that it hanging inside his collar. It's immediately snatched from his hand and flies off at great speed...) IAN: What on earth? DOCTOR: (Laughs.) Oh, that's very clever! Very clever! You know, you've never done that before! That's a remarkable conjuring trick! IAN: That was no conjuring trick, Doctor. DOCTOR: Hmm? IAN: That was my pen, it...vanished into thin air. DOCTOR: Oh, my dear man... IAN: (Cries out.) Vanished! (IAN'S cries is immediately repeated by a series of echoes which vary in pitch and repeat and repeat...) IAN: (Echoes.) Vanished...Vanished...Vanished...Vanished!!! (The DOCTOR and IAN are amazed by this display of acoustics.) IAN: (Shouting at the echoes.) Yes, my gold pen! (The shout is repeated and mingled with the earlier cry.) IAN: (Echoes.) Pen...Vanished...My gold pen...Vanished...!!! DOCTOR: (Intrigued.) Gold! (He laughs to himself.) IAN: What is it Doctor? DOCTOR: Mmm? (Cries out with his arms outstretched.) Echoes, dear boy! (The DOCTOR'S cry is now repeated.) DOCTOR: (Echoes.) Echoes...echoes...!!! (The echoes die down.) IAN: I don't mean that. I mean this place. I have a feeling... DOCTOR: Hmm? What sort of feeling? IAN: I have a feeling we're being watched. Haven't you? DOCTOR: No. (He looks round.) No, no, no, no, I...can't see any spooks or anything, er, I don't think so, no. Not particularly, no. I must say that if I lived here and I heard you roaring your head off, I'd probably come down and take a look at you! (He laughs.) IAN: Then take my pen...? DOCTOR: (Thoughtful.) Yes, what if the power's that's got hold of the TARDIS has taken your pen, of course! Ha ha! Now then, there's something for us to solve. Come along, come along, come along. (He scuttles off. IAN watches him for a second, then follows. Suddenly, he stops. He whirls round and looks behind him, towards the TARDIS. He sees nothing but the cold surface of the planet. Then runs off after the DOCTOR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (As she promised earlier, BARBARA is cleaning up the items in the alcove in the console room. She glances up at the scanner, then walks towards it. It shows the DOCTOR walking across the planet, followed by IAN struggling to catch up. As she watches, her left arm, the one adorned by her gold bracelet, rises up into the air by itself - then pulls her suddenly towards the doors. She staggers and then regains her balance. BARBARA clutches her arm, then hugs herself, partially in panic, partially in reassurance. Extremely un-nerved, she walks through the door to the living area.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. TARDIS. GIRL'S BEDROOM (VICKI is asleep. BARBARA enters and sits on the end of the second bed. She looks worried at her recent experience and briefly examines her arm. VICKI stirs.) VICKI: Barbara? BARBARA: Oh! Sorry, did I wake you? VICKI: No... (Stretching.) the others back yet? (BARBARA gets up and tries to sound natural.) BARBARA: Er, no, not yet. VICKI: Is something wrong? (BARBARA sits next to VICKI.) BARBARA: No...why? VICKI: Don't know. You seem nervous. BARBARA: (Smiling.) Oh, there's...there's something about this place. VICKI: I know. I wished we'd materialised in some really luxurious place, you know. Lot's of lovely things to buy and...eat and...wear. (As VICKI is speaking, BARBARA'S arm starts to stretch out again. With a look of pain and determination, she pulls it back.) VICKI: Is your arm hurting? BARBARA: No! Vicki, I...I know this sounds silly, but...it doesn't feel as though it belongs to me. A little while ago it moved without my intending it to. (VICKI laughs.) BARBARA: Well...it's those things we...don't understand that...frighten us. I'm sure there's a perfectly simple explanation, it's...I'm just letting my ima... (Suddenly getting emotional, BARBARA gets up and leaves the room. VICKI worriedly watches her go.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. VORTIS (The DOCTOR and IAN are still exploring the planet. As they circle round a small crag, the DOCTOR points something out and chuckles. IAN looks in a different direction and suddenly stops dead.) IAN: Doctor! DOCTOR: Hmm? IAN: Look! (IAN points to a huge sculpted crag on top of which is a statue. The mists and the height of this edifice mean that the definition of the statue cannot be properly seen but it vaguely resembles a winged figure.) IAN: That was built. DOCTOR: Yes, but when? It's old, so old. (Chuckles.) Look at the state it's in. (Still chuckling they walk towards it until they stand at it's very base. They are dwarfed by the object.) DOCTOR: Hmm! It's a pity we didn't bring a ladder with us. We might be able to see what's on the top. IAN: Well, it isn't Nelson. DOCTOR: No. No, pity. (They step back.) DOCTOR: Er, well, it's something that has nothing to do with holding the ship here, dear boy. Hmm. IAN: Curious though. DOCTOR: Yes, it's curious, yes, yes, yes, but we must find something more tangible, hmm? Come along, come along. IAN: Oh, Doctor. Look. (IAN has spotted a small pool at the base of a crag. He walks towards it.) IAN: Oh, it must be water. Any form of life would need that, eh? (IAN kneels down and leans his hands towards the liquid.) DOCTOR: Wait! wait! IAN: Huh? What's the matter? (The DOCTOR joins him.) DOCTOR: You're a little premature. Hmm. Let's have your tie. IAN: Well, I haven't got one. DOCTOR: I know you're not wearing one, dear boy, but the one round your middle, hmm? (IAN starts to undo the tie which holds his trousers up.) IAN: I hope my pants stay up! DOCTOR: Yes, well that's your affair, not mine! (IAN passes the tie to the DOCTOR.) IAN: There you are. DOCTOR: Thank you. Now then... IAN: Huh? DOCTOR: Yes...let's see. (The DOCTOR dips the tie into the pool.) IAN: Now just a minute! (The base of the tie begins to smoke.) IAN: Wha... DOCTOR: Eh, there you are, look! See that! Erh...There you are, you see. Ha ha! (They stand. The base of the tie is charred where the acid has eaten it away.) IAN: Yes, I do see - you've ruined it! That was my Coal Hill School tie! You've just...just... DOCTOR: Saved your life! You were about to have a wash in there, weren't you? Or probably drink some of it? Ha! We very nearly had the remnants of a Coal Hill School teacher in there instead of his wretched old, ragged old tie! (Laughing, the DOCTOR passes the tie to IAN.) IAN: Never mind about that, what is it? DOCTOR: Er, lets see now, now, what have we got? Hmm? Echoes...interference...gold. And now, acid, yes, similar properties to formic acid. Hmm! Yes, it's strange, isn't it? It's very strange. (He walks off. IAN starts to follow but stops to throw the tie into the pool. As he does so, a rock falls into the pool from the crag above. IAN does not spot the ant-creature on top of the crag that quickly dips out of site.) IAN: Doctor! (IAN runs back towards the pool and points at the liquid.) IAN: There! DOCTOR: What is the... IAN: There's something in there! I saw a light, it...it broke the surface. DOCTOR: Light? Is it reflection from a planet? IAN: No, no! It was in there. I saw something in there, I tell you! DOCTOR: Now, my young man. If this is your idea of revenge for that tie then I ta...I think it a pretty poor effort, eh? IAN: Doctor, this is not revenge, I... DOCTOR: Now listen, we came here to find out the source of interference. Now I suggest we keep our minds on this subject. You're rambling on! Come along, that's it. (They step away, the DOCTOR muttering to himself. Suddenly, the high-pitched warbling of the ants is heard again. The DOCTOR and IAN look around them.) IAN: What is it, Doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (BARBARA can also hear the sound. She holds her hands against her ears with a look of pain on her face...) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. TARDIS. GIRL'S BEDROOM (The sound, increasing in pitch and speed, also reaches the bedroom. VICKI stirs in her sleep.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Still holding her hands to her head, BARBARA looks on in shock as the TARDIS doors swing open. A table in the alcove seems to jump by itself which causes BARBARA to jump back and scream. The entire console swivels round on its base. BARBARA runs towards it as it stops moving, then feels her arm rising into the air again. The sound reaches a crescendo. BARBARA cries out as her arm takes on a life of its own. As the sound continues, BARBARA'S struggles cease and her face clears and becomes blank. Possessed, she walks through the doors which close behind her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. VORTIS (The DOCTOR and IAN discuss the continuing sounds as they briskly walk across the surface of the planet.) IAN: You mean, the noises are messages? DOCTOR: It probably comes from some sentient thing, or a machine operated by it. We must find the source of this interference. Now come on. (They continue on...) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The console is spinning round again...) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. TARDIS. GIRL'S BEDROOM (The sounds die down. VICKI stirs out of her sleep.) VICKI: (Sleepily.) Barbara? (She gets off the bed.) VICKI: Barbara? [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (VICKI enters the console room.) VICKI: Barbara? (VICKI suddenly sees that the doors of the TARDIS are open again. She runs towards them.) VICKI: (Panicking.) Barbara! Where are you? (She shouts through the open door.) VICKI: Barbara! Barbara! [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. VORTIS (VICKI'S cries carry across the planet as echoes.) VICKI: (Echoes.) Barbara..bara..bara...Barbara...bara IAN: That's Vicki! Something's wrong back at the ship! DOCTOR: They've probably left the doors open, come on! (They run towards a gap between two crags. The DOCTOR suddenly signals to IAN to come back.) DOCTOR: Look out! IAN: Doctor!! (A web rises from the ground and traps IAN within its tendrils. He cries out in pain as the strands sting him.) IAN: Don't come near, Doctor! Go back to the ship! Go back to the ship! [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. VORTIS (BARBARA, her arm still outstretched and her face showing that she is still possessed walks across the planet. The chirruping sounds still echo through the thin air. Ahead of BARBARA is a bubbling and smoking pool of acid. She walks to the very edge...) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. VORTIS (IAN is still struggling as the DOCTOR tries to free him.) DOCTOR: Stand still! IAN: Ah! It stings!! And hurts!! DOCTOR: I'll go back to the ship and try and find something. Can you wait? IAN: Yes, all right! (The DOCTOR runs off with a cry of anguish.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (VICKI goes to pick a box up off the floor. It shoots to one side as the entire ship lurches off its base. It lurches again to the other side. VICKI makes a grab at the console and starts pulling at the controls. As the image on the scanner also swings from side to side, the dematerialisation noise of the ship also fills the room. With a cry, VICKI tries more of the controls...) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. VORTIS (The DOCTOR reaches the point where he knew the TARDIS to be. He stops dead in his tracks and looks around himself in disbelief.) DOCTOR: (Stunned.) My ship...my TARDIS...
Plan: A: Vortis; Q: What planet is the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki on? A: the butterfly-like Menoptera; Q: Who are the original denizens of Vortis? A: the moon Pictos; Q: Where did the Menoptera flee to? A: its mind-controlled minions; Q: What is the Animus? A: the ant-like Zarbi; Q: Who are the Animus' minions? A: the larvae guns; Q: What are the Zarbi's living weapons? Summary: On the planet Vortis, the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki are swept up in the struggles of the butterfly-like Menoptera, the original denizens of Vortis who were forced to flee the planet for the moon Pictos to escape the encroaching web of the Animus and its mind-controlled minions, the ant-like Zarbi and their living weapons, the larvae guns.
(Red door. The door opens and Sydney is standing there wearing a black bra and pantiesr, stockings, and a little lingerie waist-length robe. She sashays down a hallway and stands in the doorway. She poses. A man is sitting in a chair eating shrimp and drinking champagne. A bodyguard stands nearby. They look her over.) MAN: (in French) No. Put on the red one. (He looks at his bodyguard and they smirk. The red door opens again, just like before, but now Sydney is wearing a fire engine red bra and panty set, without the stockings. She poses in the doorway.) MAN: (in French) Not bad. That's better. (He stands and motions for the bodyguard to leave. They speak in French. Sydney moves over to the window and looks out. We're on an airplane in the sky. The man looks at her. Sydney is on a bed, on her side, posing. He unzips his sweater and climbs on. He murmurs in French as she gets on top of him. Putting her hands behind his head to get in real close, she grabs a wire on her bracelet and pulls it around his neck, flipping him over on his stomach and climbing on his back.) SYDNEY: What was wrong with the black one? Do you think it's comfortable wearing clothes like this? (He struggles and chokes with the wire around his neck, and tries pushing a button near the bed.) SYDNEY: This isn't my first day on the job, I disconnected your call button! I know who you are. I know what this plane is! MAN: I don't know what you're talking about! SYDNEY: Tell me how to access server forty-seven! (He doesn't give it up so she pulls on the wire to tighten it. He chokes.) MAN: Over there! Behind the frame, there's a terminal! (Sydney elbows him in the face and lets go. He falls to the bed. She runs over to a framed picture on the wall and pushes on it. It flips over to reveal a keyboard and a flat computer monitor. She types and gets out a hidden briefcase. In it is a pair of pants, a shirt, a gun, and a computer transmitting device. She plugs it into the computer.) SYDNEY: We're transmitting. (She puts on the pants and buttons up the shirt over her red underwear. She grabs the gun and opens the door. She cocks her gun, points. She turns a corner. Nobody is there. She opens a door but it's just hanging parachutes. She looks around and goes to another door. She opens it and sees it's just a mirror but then feels a gun at her neck.) BODYGUARD: (French) Don't move. On your knees. Drop your gun. (Sydney pauses and then tosses it back on the floor. He looks and she kicks him. He jumps up and she kicks him twice, he punches her. She grabs a serving bowl and hits him with it. He kicks it away and gets a knife out, jabbing at her, with Sydney moving out of the way. She blocks it with a tray and hits him with it. The bodyguard throws her aside. She takes the champagne bottle and hits him with it, knocking him back. Sydney kicks him hard and he falls to the ground. She hears a gun cocking. She turns to see the other man pointing a gun at her. He shoots.) (Sunny day in Los Angeles, 24 hours earlier. Sydney jogs through the park. A dog runs with its master and crosses Sydney's path. People throw a Frisbee back and forth. She drops a coin in the homeless man's cup.) HOMELESS MAN: Mountaineer requests covert entry. (In the control room at the ops center, the agents watch the monitors.) AGENT: Roger that. Mountaineer is clear for entry. (At the broken phone, Sydney pushes the buttons and the door opens. Looking over her shoulder once, she goes inside.) (In the ops center, she walks with Vaughn.) SYDNEY: Okay, so what's the new intel? VAUGHN: Kendall wouldn't say. He wants to wait for the meeting. SYDNEY: So I just ran by the park and there were, like, millions of people. People just playing Frisbee, having picnics. VAUGHN: I know, what are people doing in the middle of the work day? SYDNEY: Right. Just in the middle of the day, hanging out? (Kendall walks through.) KENDALL: Let's move. Did you tell her about the transfers? VAUGHN: Some recruits from Langley are going to be observing. Now wait... before the meeting... (He takes her through a door into a private hallway. They lean against the wall.) VAUGHN: I'm going to say something and it will either be obvious to you or seem presumptuous. Either way, I got to say it. This isn't working. I've been thinking about this for a while. I don't know what the hell to do. SYDNEY: What? VAUGHN: I think you know what. SYDNEY: I need you to tell me. VAUGHN: You need me to tell you what? That when you're on operations, I can't sleep at night. That when we're in debrief I have to force myself to remember what the hell we're supposed to be reviewing. When all I want to do is kiss you. SYDNEY: Sometimes it is hard to remember what we're supposed to be talking about. VAUGHN: That's what I'm talking about. And the thing that makes me crazy every day is that the people who would kill us if we're seen together -- the Alliance, SD-6, Sloane -- are the very forces that brought you into my life to begin with. What kind of a sick joke is that? SYDNEY: So what are you thinking? That maybe we shouldn't be working together? VAUGHN: That's what I was thinking but then I thought, we are great together. SYDNEY: I know. VAUGHN: And the more we work together, the sooner the Alliance gets destroyed. SYDNEY: So what are you suggesting? (Weiss enters.) WEISS: What is this, the flirting corner? VAUGHN: Uh, we're talking. WEISS: Yeah, I figured that out. Uh, there's a meeting. National security, remember that? It's important... for the people? SYDNEY: We'll be right there. (He leaves. They smile at each other and leave as well.) (In a meeting room, Jack, Sydney, Weiss, Vaughn, Kendall and some others are sitting down.) KENDALL: Arvin Sloane. As most of you know, Sloane is the acting director of SD-6. For those of you new to the fun and games, SD-6 is an arm of the Alliance, a worldwide organized crime syndicate responsible for weapons trade, drug traffic, and murder. The Alliance keeps a dozen offices or cells, SD-1 through SD-12. We have identified the locations of seven of these cells, the rest is speculation. The agents Bristow -- Jack and Sydney -- have been working undercover at SD-6 tracking their objectives, operations, contacts. Working under Arvin Sloane... until now. We've intercepted communications which reveal that the Alliance has picked someone to be Sloane's replacement. Anthony Geiger. Which is about as much as I can tell you about him. Geiger has no file at CIA, FBI, no police record, no overdue video rentals, nothing. SYDNEY: Excuse me. Sloane's being replaced? KENDALL: He's been MIA for five days. With Sloane gone and Geiger coming in, we no longer have access to their inner circle. So, Sydney and Jack, your assignment is to get close to Geiger, earn his trust, get back in that inner circle. That's it. SYDNEY: Dad, the one person in the world I want brought to justice, he's disappeared. JACK: I've been doing this a long time, Sydney. There's rarely an end to the story. (He puts a hand on her shoulder and leaves.) (SD-6. Sydney walks in and goes to her desk, sees Geiger in Sloane's old office with his back to her.) DIXON: I don't like it. Whatever's happening here. (Geiger's office. Sydney knocks and peers in.) SYDNEY: Excuse me, Mr. Geiger? GEIGER: Yes? SYDNEY: Sydney Bristow. GEIGER: Come in, sit down. (She does so. He opens a file on her and looks at it.) GEIGER: Let's see... SYDNEY: I just wanted to introduce myself. Say hello. GEIGER: What can you tell me about Danny? SYDNEY: What would you like to know? GEIGER: You were engaged? SYDNEY: Yes. GEIGER: Well, tell me something more. SYDNEY: I assume you mean how Danny died. I told him the truth -- that I worked for SD-6. Security section discovered this, they told Sloane, Sloane had him killed. GEIGER: What kind of doctor was he going to be? SYDNEY: Pediatric cardiologist. GEIGER: Really? Well, that's unusual. Did he like kids? SYDNEY: Danny had a younger brother who was... born with a condition, a heart condition, and they were told there was no treatment. GEIGER: Mmmm. If the people I work for would assassinate my wife, I would not show up at the office the next day. So why come back? What for? SYDNEY: The precepts of SD-6 were made clear to me when I was recruited. What happened was my fault. And I am a faithful officer of this agency. GEIGER: Thanks for coming in. (Sydney walks to her desk, Sark falls into step beside her.) SARK: The new boss has a dreadful personality, don't you think? SYDNEY: I've seen worse. SARK: Am I supposed to take that personally? SYDNEY: Sark, what do you want? SARK: When I met with Geiger this morning, I left his office feeling as unstrung as you look. SYDNEY: Just so you know, I'm fully strung. SARK: We all have secrets, Sydney. And from what I've heard about Geiger, he'll discover them. SYDNEY: What have you heard about Geiger? SARK: Former German intelligence. Has more enemies than various other Germans we're familiar with. He seems to think Sloane is a traitor. He's already unlocked Sloane's secret files on server forty-seven. SYDNEY: There are only forty-six servers. SARK: Really? Well, he announced it to me as if it were a victory. "I've already hacked Sloane's files on server forty-seven." (Self-storage building, Sydney and Jack walk in.) SYDNEY: There's only one reason Sloane would keep secret the existence of a computer. Because this computer server forty-seven is a vulnerability. JACK: Until you tell me what you're suggesting, I have nothing to respond to. SYDNEY: I think there's a central Alliance computer, I think that's what server forty-seven is. A network that links all the SD cells. It makes sense, doesn't it? JACK: I'm trying to find a flaw in this line of thought. SYDNEY: I want to find this computer. If I'm right it could tell us everything -- names of the Alliance partners, locations of their offices-- JACK: Sydney. SYDNEY: Dad, this could be the silver bullet. JACK: I'll get CIA to sanction it. (At the ops center, Vaughn and Sydney walk to Weiss.) VAUGHN: We tracked down server forty-seven. The reason you couldn't get a twenty on it is because it doesn't exist on this planet. It's in the sky. It's a 747 purchased by the Alliance in 1998. They retrofitted the interior to contain a secure server and a satellite uplink. SYDNEY: They keep the computer airborne? VAUGHN: It only lands for refueling. The Alliance has this man overseeing the operation. Gils Nacor. He's an accomplished computer security expert, he and his bodyguards travel with the server at all times. SYDNEY: This guy spends his life on a plane with a computer? WEISS: It's a really nice plane. VAUGHN: How did they convince an upper-level asset to do that job, right? They provide him with women. SYDNEY: Oh, you're kidding me. WEISS: Nope. Twice a week, alternate airports in England and Spain. A high-end escort agency provides a new... friend. SYDNEY: I have to be his friend. VAUGHN: No, you just have to get him alone. The computer's in the belly of the plane but apparently there are terminal accesses in the main cabin. WEISS: We're all going to Barcelona, we have a team set up there already. They'll ambush the drop-off of his latest date. VAUGHN: But they'll delier you in her place. Just get onto the plane, get Nacor alone, access the server, and transmit the content to us. We'll be in a cargo jet flying at altitude. WEISS: We have to stay within five thousand feet of you to receive your signal. (He opens a case to reveal a pen and a pair of earrings. WEISS: Here's your transmitter, the earrings will give you audio and video and op-tech has the rest of your gear. Guys, we should get to the plane. (Over the Atlantic. In the cargo jet, Weiss and Vaughn sit and wait for the video to come.) WEISS: Okay, whenever you want to have that talk... VAUGHN: What talk? WEISS: About the cologne or whatever the hell you're wearing. VAUGHN: I'm not wearing cologne. WEISS: Well, something's going on. No man naturally smells as good as you do right now. (Video pops up, Sydney's point of view.) WEISS: Okay, your camera's on. Here we go, here we go. (In the sky, the two planes fly parallel. Sydney is in the black lingerie. They watch, eating and drinking.) NACOR: (in French) No. (Vaughn and Weiss watch. Nacor tells her to put the red one on.) VAUGHN: That son of a bitch! WEISS: Easy. Come on. (Sydney comes out in the red one.) VAUGHN: I swear I'm gonna kill this guy. (Sydney is on the bed. He unzips his sweater and climbs on. The guys in the cargo plane get an up close shot of Nacor from Sydney's POV.) WEISS: There's no way that guy smells as good as you. VAUGHN: It's aftershave. I got a new aftershave. WEISS: Yeah, well, I'd lighten up on it. VAUGHN: Yeah? WEISS: Oh, yeah. To the point of non-use. (Sydney has Nacor on his stomach, almost strangling him.) SYDNEY: Tell me how to access server forty-seven! NACOR: Behind the frame, there's a terminal! (She elbows him in the face. The guys in the cargo plane are giddy, making "Yeah!" faces and gestures. Sydney turns the frame around.) VAUGHN: All right, get going. SYDNEY: We're transmitting. VAUGHN: Got it. SYDNEY: We should be at Heathrow in an hour. VAUGHN: Team's already in place. SYDNEY: I'm going to take out the guard. (Dressed in her pants and shirt, from the beginning, she turns the corner with her gun pointed. She opens the parachute closet. Nothing. She opens the other door. The guys in the cargo plane can see through the mirror in that closet that the bodyguard has the gun pointed to Sydney's neck. The bodyguard tells her in French to drop to her knees.) VAUGHN: Throw the gun, make him reach for it! (Sydney tosses it back. He turns and she kicks him. He jumps up. Vaughn watches Sydney's point of view as the bodyguard tries stabbing her with the knife. Sydney has the bottle, hits him with it. He falls. Gun cocks. Sydney turns and Nacor comes out with the gun pointed. He shoots. Sydney jumps out of the way as Nacor starts shooting.) NACOR: You think you can steal from us, you little bitch?! (Sydney, hiding from Nacor, turns and sees one of the windows in the plane. She shoots at it, once, twice.) VAUGHN: No! No, no, no, no, NO! (With the window in the plane shot out, the air pressure drops and the door of the plane flies off, the bodyguard is sucked out of the plane and is thrown into the engine, causing a huge fire. Everything starts blowing out of the plane, including one of the seats and Nacor. He flies out of the open door. Sydney is hanging on to a ledge inside, her body horizontal. The plane's going down. Sydney holds on to the table and slowly makes her way to the parachute closet she opened before. She manages to get her feet in the doorway and pulls herself in. She gets a parachute on and puts on the goggles. Straps herself in. Then she lets go of the doorway and flies out of the plane.) VAUGHN: Oh, my God... (Sydney releases the parachute and starts floating down. Weiss and Vaughn, both nervous wrecks, take off their headsets.) WEISS: She's all yours. (Back in Los Angeles, in the kitchen at Sydney, Francie and Will's, Francie and Will are about to cook some live lobsters.) FRANCIE: Hey, guess what, Sydney's gonna be late again. WILL: I know, she's missing all the dirty work. Look at these guys. (He takes two live lobsters out of the bin.) FRANCIE: Oh, oh no. WILL: It's gonna be fine. FRANCIE: I hate this part. (He drops them into the pot of boiling water.) WILL: Okay, the suspense is killing me. What's the occasion? FRANCIE: The restaurant is actually making a profit. WILL: After only six months? Is that even possible? FRANCIE: Yes. Hence the lobster dinner. Seriously, if anyone would have told me last year that I would be making this work -- my own restaurant... it's just--it's just unbelievable. WILL: I guess this is a really bad time to tell you I have to quit, right? I got a job working for a travel magazine. I mean, it's not The New York Times, but I am writing for a living. FRANCIE: Will, that is genius! WILL: Is it? FRANCIE: I love that you're writing again, that's fantastic! WILL: You're okay with it? FRANCIE: Yeah, like I can't find another waiter in Los Angeles! WILL: Oh, Francie, you're the best. FRANCIE: Well, congratulations! WILL: You, too. (She kisses him on the lips. They stop. Then they kiss each other again and start making out in the kitchen.) (Sydney is at the ops center. Vaughn walks up to her and hands over some sheets of paper.) VAUGHN: Analysis got done with the hard drive. (She looks through them briefly and looks at him.) (Self-storage with Sydney, Vaughn, Kendall and Jack who is reading the documents intently.) SYDNEY: Sir, this is our chance to destroy the Alliance now! KENDALL: Miss Bristow, I understand what the papers suggest but you don't rush an operation like this! VAUGHN: Sir, as soon as the Alliance realizes there's a breach in their system this information won't be valid! KENDALL: You may recall the 150 pounds of C-4 buried in the subbasement of SD-6 and probably every other SD cell! If this itnel is wrong and we move on it, we're talking about the deaths of hundreds of civilians! JACK: The answer is in the document. According to the information you retrieved, each SD cell uses a code which changes weekly to operate their security system. The current code is listed right here. VAUGHN: So you're saying w eneed to get into SD-6 and find out what the actual code is right now? SYDNEY: If it matches the one in the document, then the rest of the intel is real. KENDALL: In which case I could go to Langley about raiding the Alliance facilities. VAUGHN: Do we have the current SD-6 code? JACK: No. But I can get it. Francie's restaurant. Sydney, Francie and Will sit at a table together. Francie and Will are sitting on one side, talking in hushed tones. Sydney watches them with interest and takes a sip of her wine.) FRANCIE: Did you like the salmon, Will? Have you tried it? WILL: I was going to say that, actually. FRANCIE: Really? WILL: Yeah, I thought it was great. I thought it was amazing. FRANCIE: Really? WILL: Yeah, what was that? A new sauce? FRANCIE: Yeah, it was, yeah. WILL: It was great. FRANCIE: Thank you. I'm glad you noticed it. Thanks. WILL: Did you know the guy at table forty-five? FRANCIE: No, I don't know him, no. WILL: He was totally looking at you. FRANCIE: He was not looking at me. SYDNEY: What's going on? FRANCIE: What? WILL: What? What do you mean? SYDNEY: You guys are both acting like you're on drugs. FRANCIE: Uh, well, um... we sort of made out. SYDNEY: Oh, my God. WILL: Okay, this is too weird. (He gets up and leaves. The girls giggle.) (In Geiger's office, McCullough walks in.) MCCULLOUGH: You called for me? GEIGER: I've been reviewing Mr. Sloane's work. I found an e-mail that struck me as curious. Is SD-6 running a program recording keystrokes at each desktop? MCCULLOUGH: Yes, sir. Of course. GEIGER: Well, then, why don't you sit down. I'd like you to play back what Arvin Sloane was typing. (Outside the restaurant, Sydney and Will leave together.) SYDNEY: Literally. Every detail now. WILL: We were in the kitchen and all of a sudden we were... SYDNEY: I can't believe this. I'm like, I'm in shock. WILL: Good shock? SYDNEY: No, great shock! I mean, is this a one-time thing? WILL: I don't know, I don't know. You know the weird part? The really weird part? It wasn't weird. SYDNEY: I'm going to have so much fun with this! (Will laughs.) (McCullough is typing and brings up the keystrokes of an e-mail from Sloane to Alain Christophe.) MCCULLOUGH: Here we go. This is a playback of Arvin Sloane as he wrote the e-mail in question. GEIGER: Okay. Wait, he wrote something and then erased it. Play it back slow. MCCULLOUGH: Certainly. (The deleted section comes up, line by line. A part of it says "Jack and Sydney Bristow are double agents.") [SCENE_BREAK] (At SD-6, Jack walks down a hall and goes into a boardroom. He sits down at a computer and starts typing. Geiger enters.) GEIGER: Jack Bristow? (Jack stands up.) GEIGER: Anthony Geiger. JACK: I've been looking forward to this. GEIGER: Me as well. (The doors close.) (At the ops center, Sydney's cell rings. Vaughn sits nearby.) SYDNEY: Yeah? JACK: Sydney, it's me. I'm talking to Mr. Geiger, he'd like you to come in right away. Oh, and take surface streets, they're doing some work on the freeway. (Sydney is stunned. Tears in her eyes. She can barely talk.) SYDNEY: Okay... I will... JACK: See you soon. (They hang up. Sydney stands up and puts her back to Vaughn. She's panting and crying.) VAUGHN: Did he get the code? Syd? SYDNEY: He was compromised. VAUGHN: What? SYDNEY: He just said "Take the surface streets, they're doing some work on the freeway." VAUGHN: I don't understand. SYDNEY: It's a phrase we came up with last year. A code to let one of us know if the other was ever discovered, to warn them to stay away. He's with Geiger now. (Crying, she covers her mouth with her hands.) (In the torture room, Jack is yet again belted into the chair. He slowly comes to and opens his eyes. Everything is blurry. Geiger is in the cabinet. He looks over at Jack.) GEIGER: Jack, I know you are disloyal. I know your daughter is, too. Both your files, there were so many red flags, I thought I was in a Russian airport. What I don't know is where your loyalties lie. (He squeezes out some gel from a bottle and rubs it on Jack's ankle.) GEIGER: Where are your loyalties, Jack? Who are you working for? (He rubs it on his other leg.) JACK: We've met before, you and I. I'm surprised you don't recall. You have such attention to detail. (Geiger gets a metal bracelet and attaches it around Jack's ankle.) GEIGER: I can't quite place you. JACK: Neither could I, but then I remembered. Kanagawa, '87. GEIGER: Were you with Nagayo? JACK: We had dinner. GEIGER: Oh yes, now I remember! What a night that was. JACK: The woman with the club foot. GEIGER: That's -- (laughs) That's right! (Jack smiles a little.) GEIGER: Come on, Jack, just tell me who you're working for and this will all go away. (He has both metal bracelets around Jack's ankles now and picks up the jumper cables. He puts them on the bracelets.) GEIGER: One last chance. (Jack says nothing. Geiger turns a dial on the nearby machine and the electricity shoots through the metal bracelets. It crackles. Jack writhes around, struggling. He screams.) (On a street somewhere, Will uses a payphone.) WILL: I don't understand. Go where? (Sydney is at the ops center, talking on one of their phones.) SYDNEY: Anywhere. Get Francie and leave town. Go to Vegas, drive to San Francisco. WILL: Wait, wait, wait, what kind of trouble are you in? SYDNEY: Someone might be looking for me. I just want you safe. Just promise me you and Francie will stay away, that's all I need you to do. WILL: I promise. Syd, are you going to be okay? SYDNEY: Yeah. I have to go. (She hangs up.) VAUGHN: Kendall's on his way back. SYDNEY: He's not going to do a thing. VAUGHN: You don't know that. SYDNEY: My dad was right. Kendall's not going to make a move on the Alliance until he knows that information is valid. I mean, we have to get that code from SD-6. VAUGHN: You cannot go back there. SYDNEY: I know. (Shipyard. Sydney stands beside her red Jeep and takes off her sunglasses, put them on the hood, when she sees Dixon's car drive up. He gets out and walks to her.) DIXON: Sydney, I got your message... SYDNEY: There isn't time for me to explain everything, for me to apologize the way I need to. SD-6 has nothing to do with the CIA. Dixon, you've been lied to. We have all been lied to. DIXON: What are you... That's... No, Sydney-- SYDNEY: Dixon, you have had suspicions about me! DIXON: Sydney! SYDNEY: You had suspicions about me! You were right! I know this is insane but you have to trust me now! I'd take you to CIA headquarters, I'd show you the files, the proof! SD-6 is part of the Alliance! You have been working for the enemy you thought you were fighting. This will take time to understand, time we don't have. I need you to listen to me. (Dixon slowly nods.) SYDNEY: They have my dad. Geiger at SD-6. And I'm afraid he's going to kill him. (She starts crying.) SYDNEY: The CIA... the real CIA... DIXON: No, no, NO! This is CRAZY, Sydney! Do you HEAR yourself?! SYDNEY: ...has intel that can change all of this! Wait, Dixon, Dixon, you HAVE to listen to me! DIXON: No, this does not MAKE ANY SENSE! SYDNEY: YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME! I can't go back there or they will kill me too! We need you to go into SD-6. We need you to hack into the system and make visible a hidden file, one that you would never see, never know was there. (She takes out a piece of paper with the information and gives it to him.) SYDNEY: It's a code. A number that we need. If it's a match to one we already have, it will confirm data and the CIA will raid SD-6 and every Alliance office! If you follow these instructions to get the code you will be in the core of the SD-6 computer network and you'll see... it's not CIA. It's Alliance. I'll wait for your e-mail but you need to hurry. (She starts to cry again. He stares at her for a long moment and then walks away with the paper. He gets into his car and drives away.) (Dixon walks in SD-6 headquarters and sits at his desk. Glancing at the paper he types on his computer and logs on. A different interface pops up. It says Alliance Secure Network. Then Alliance Network - Cell - SD-6. Dixon realizes, confusion on his face.) (At the CIA, Sydney and Vaughn and Weiss and Rick and others stand around, staring at Sydney's computer where a "Your mailbox is empty..." prompt is shown on her monitor. They wait.) (At Dixon's desk, he calls someone.) MRS. DIXON: Hello? DIXON: Hi, baby. MRS. DIXON: Where are you? DIXON: I'm at work. MRS. DIXON: What's up? DIXON: I was just calling... you... to tell you I love you. How much I love you. MRS. DIXON: Oh, thanks, sweetie. I love you, too. When will you be home? DIXON: I'm not sure. MRS. DIXON: Okay. Well, be safe. DIXON: You, too. (He hangs up and stares at the e-mail he has typed with the code. He stares at the SEND button.) (Sydney waits. Stares at the prompt. Suddenly it beeps and she has one new message. They all scramble and come alive as Sydney opens the message and sees Dixon's e-mail with the code. He did it.) SYDNEY: The code's a match. It's a match! (Everybody starts running.) (Moments later in the meeting room, Kendall address the group of agents.) KENDALL: As many of you may be aware, the CIA recently received intelligence which provides us with vital, previous unavailable details on the inner workings of the Alliance. Thanks to some exceptional work, we've confirmed the validity of this intel. Therefore, tonight at 2200 hours, the CIA in conjunction with the FSB, the BAP, the MI5 and the Shin Bet will conduct simultaneous raids on all Alliance facilities and tomorrow morning, God willing, the Alliance will no longer exist. (Near the go time, all the agents have their fatigues on. Kendall speaks to them.) KENDALL: Our tactical team will surround the Credit Dauphine building which houses the target SD-6 office. Team will get as close to the perimeter as possible and disable the security system. On operational leader's call, teams around the globe, including yours, will raid all SD offices, Alliance headquarters, and partners' residences. Now, most SD-6 agents are desk-trained and won't fight back. But their security team will respond with lethal force. And they're the ones you'll want to take down. People, it's a hazardous job. Do it well and come home. (SUVs drive in the Credit Dauphine underground parking garage and come to a stop. Vaughn jumps out of one of them and cuts the cable for the security camera.) (In the torture room, Jack is barely conscious.) GEIGER: Jack... you know how this goes. Your heart can only take one more shock, perhaps two. I've never seen anyone go beyond three. Have you? (The group of agents, including Sydney, Vaughn and Weiss, run in the building to the elevator.) AGENT: Now, move out! Go, go, go! (Sydney takes the panel off of the elevator switchboard and yanks at the wire. Vaughn opens the doors.) (At the ops center, Rick and two other agents are at their monitors.) FEMALE AGENT: Base station to Congo team leader, security disabled at SD-3... RICK: All transmissions are clear and received... AGENT2: Alarms disabled at SD-10, base station to Panda team leader, confirming security alarm disabled at SD-4... (One of the agents uses a blowtorch to remove a panel to get inside the building. Vaughn looks at Sydney.) (Torture room.) GEIGER: I have given you enough time to reconsider. (Jack gasps a little as Geiger turns the dial. The electricity hums.) (Sydney and the gang have their guns pointed, in the hallway outside the offices.) VAUGHN: You okay? SYDNEY: Yeah. (Ops center.) AGENT2: SD-5, stand by. RICK: SD-4, stand by. FEMALE AGENT: SD-3, stand by. (Sydney and the gang put ski masks on to cover their faces.) (Ops center.) FEMALE AGENT: Sir, all teams in position. KENDALL: Let's move in. (At SD-6, they prepare for the raid.) AGENT: Go, go, go! (Guns aimed, they begin. They take down two agents, throwing one against the wall. Inside the offices, Marshall wheels over to Dixon's desk, who stares straight ahead at his desk.) MARSHALL: Hey, you want some, uh, pigs in a blanket? DIXON: No thanks. MARSHALL: What? Hey, nobody can resist a little pig in a blanket. They're hot, fresh out of the oven. (eats) Everything all right? DIXON: Yeah. (They run in, all the agents sitting at their desks, going about their business. One of them notices the CIA team.) GUY: Hey, look out! (Everyone starts shooting.) DIXON: Marshall, get down! (Dixon and Marshall get down on the floor. The team comes in on full charge now, Sydney shooting at her coworkers. Parts of the ceiling fall down, people fall over desks, smashing them. Men fall. Sydney starts running clear across the room, past the desks, and turns a corner, heading down a hallway. She takes off her mask.) (In the torture room, Geiger turns the dial up.) GEIGER: Your daughter is so beautiful. Imagine what I could do to her. (More gunfire upstairs. Ruining the SD-6 offices. A man is shot and falls backwards, smashing through a glass door to an office. Another desk collapses. Sydney runs.) (Torture room.) GEIGER: This is your last chance, Jack, to save yourself. To save Sydney. (He puts the jumpers next to Jack's sweaty cheek.) GEIGER: Who are you working for? Hmm? (He's about to put the other one on Jack's other cheek when the door flies open and Sydney is there, gun pointed. Geiger attempts to take out his own gun, but Sydney shoots him five times in the chest. Geiger falls back, dead. She runs over to Jack.) SYDNEY: Oh, my God, Dad... JACK: I'm... okay, sweetheart... I'm okay... (More shooting upstairs as rafters and people fall, cables everywhere.) (Ops center.) FEMALE AGENT: We have two men down at SD-4. RICK: Three agents killed at SD-8. AGENT2: Three agents down at SD-3. AGENT3: SD-12 has surrendered. AGENT4: Two men down at SD-7... AGENT5: SD-9 has four agents down. (A medic from the CIA comes into the torture room and pushes Sydney out of the way to tend to Jack.) MEDIC: Miss Bristow, excuse me, I got it. (Upstairs, the CIA starts handcuffing the agents.) AGENT: Give me your hand! (He handcuffs one agent. A woman cries as she's being handcuffed. Another one is escorted out. Marshall and Dixon are handcuffed. Marshall is horrified.) MARSHALL: Dixon-- (Dixon shakes his head. They're both led out. Sydney comes back upstairs and sees everyone. Dixon is escorted out past her. They stop.) SYDNEY: Look, this will be over soon. I promise. Thank you. DIXON: Don't talk to me. (At the ops center, the female agent gives Kendall a file.) FEMALE AGENT: Details of casualties are still sketchy, sir, but we've gotten reports from all team leaders. We appear to be in control of all Alliance facilities. (Vaughn takes off his mask and looks around at the completely destroyed offices. He makes eye contact with Sydney from across the room and they both start walking to each other. In the middle of the ruined offices, they kiss. Weiss walks up.) WEISS: Hey, guys... I just talked to base, we did it. We kicked their asses. (Sydney and Vaughn keep kissing.) WEISS: Hey... guys, did you hear what I said? Asses... kicked. (He leaves them alone, still kissing in the middle of the room.) SARK: (voice over) It's remarkable, really. (He's sitting in an office somewhere, at a black desk. He has a drink at his side and is speaking on the phone.) SARK: Sydney leaked the intel to the CIA and the rest played out exactly as you predicted it would. So congratulations, sir. The Alliance is gone. (On his beach, Sloane looks out at the ocean and speaks on his cell.) SLOANE: We shouldn't celebrate yet. As you know, there's much more work to be done. SARK: I just wanted to let you know that phase one is complete. SLOANE: Good. Move on to phase two. And Sark? SARK: Yes, Mr. Sloane. SLOANE: Check in on our new asset. Make sure we're on schedule. (He hangs up and stares out at the water. He smiles.) (A cell phone rings. We're in Francie's restaurant.) FRANCIE: Yes? SARK: I've been asked to confirm that you are in position. FRANCIE: Yes. Everything's in place. (She hangs up. In the kitchen, there is blood smeared across the wall and Francie is slumped in the corner with a bullet in her head.)
Plan: A: Sydney; Q: Who learns of information that could destroy SD-6 and shut down the Alliance? A: Jack; Q: Who is Sydney's partner in the Alliance? A: one Geiger; Q: Who is the new director of SD-6? A: Sloane; Q: Who did Geiger replace? A: her doppelganger; Q: What looks like Francie is killed by? Summary: Sydney and Jack are confronted by the new director of SD-6, one Geiger, who replaces Sloane, whose whereabouts and intentions are unknown. Sydney learns of information that could destroy SD-6 and shut down the Alliance. Francie is killed by what looks like her doppelganger.
Act One. Scene One - TV Station. [N.B. Basically, you have to know a bit about the background of the airing of this season of "Frasier." "Frasier" used to be shown at 10:00pm in America, however when "Seinfeld" finally went off the air "Frasier" was used to fill the slot at 9:00pm. Remember that 9:00pm is prime time television. It is the time when most people watch the TV, and the people of "Frasier" were very concerned about their ratings. It was a big move and this first scene reflects this with an in-joke.] So, the first picture we see is Frasier in front of the camera which at first could be interpreted as him talking about the new time slot: Frasier: Before we begin, I'd like to say how honoured I am to be taking over this slot. Obviously, I have some rather big shoes to fill - my predecessor here was much beloved. But I have never been one to shrink from a challenge and I'm sure we'll enjoy many happy years here together in my new home. Now, today on "Medical Minute"... The camera pulls back to show that actually Frasier is auditioning for a TV show after he got fired in "Sweet Dreams." Frasier: We're going to be tackling the sticky subject of... Director: Dr. Crane, great audition. Frasier: Really? That's all you need? Director: I think we have a good idea what you're all about. Frasier: Excellent. Director: Er, we'll be in touch. Frasier: I'm sure you will. Director: Next, please! Frasier: Oh, formalities? Yes, I understand. You know, perhaps I'll just take a walk around the station. Check out the dressing rooms, introduce myself to a few people. Say, you know, is there a sign-up list for the softball team? I'm sure that Frasier "Slugger" Crane's gonna be an asset to this station in more ways than one! DENIAL [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. It is early in the morning and Frasier is playing the piano as Martin enters in his dressing gown. Martin: Morning, Frasier. Frasier: Oh, good morning, Dad. Martin: A little early for the piano, isn't it? Frasier: Yes, I'm sorry about that. You know I woke up this morning thinking about that operetta I've been writing. You know, the one about Robert and Elizabeth Browning. I think, well, I had to get right to it. Martin: Well, that's what you get living in a big city: If it's not the horns waking you up it's someone writing an operetta about the Brownings. Frasier: Well, you know, I'm pretty sure I've solved the problem. Martin: Good for you, Frasier. Frasier: But you know, I'd have to hear it to be sure. Martin: I'll bet that. Frasier obviously wants him to sing it with him but Martin doesn't want to. Eventually, he angles around him and they sit at the piano. Frasier: Oh come on, Dad, it'll only take a minute, I just want to do this one section. Martin: Oh, all right, but I'm not doing the accent! Frasier: Come on. All right, we'll take it right here. Martin: Fine. He strikes up the piano and begins singing: Frasier: What is it that you feel... Martin: Love? Frasier: That fear which you conceal... Martin: Love? Frasier: That powers that you heal... Martin: Love? Frasier: Reveeeall. Take me in your arms... Martin interrupts and Frasier stops the piano. Frasier: Well, I'll just have to sing it with Niles later. Martin: Oh, that'll cheer me up. [Walks to table and picks up sketches] Frasier: Dad, be careful with those sketches. Martin: Sketches? Frasier: Yes well, you know I've been telling you that I'm redecorating the apartment, I thought why not just design my own furniture? Martin: Boy, Frasier, you know you've been taking on a lot of big projects lately. Frasier: Yes well, any minute now that phone will ring with another job offer, and this blessed little hiatus will be over. I want to have achieved as many of my life's ambitions as possible. Gee, frankly Dad, you should take up a project or two. Martin: Me? What are you talking about? I'm doing stuff all the time. Why, just this weekend I taught Eddie a great new trick. Frasier: Really? Martin: Yeah, come on, I'll show you. [Walks over to Eddie by chair. Eddie jumps down, Martin kneels] Martin: It starts out that I point a gun at him. Frasier: I like it so far. Martin: Then I say "Freeze punk, it's all over." Martin waits for Eddie - no response. Martin looks at Frasier and tries again. Martin: It's all over! [no response] Oh come on Eddie, you're supposed to go like this. [Martin rolls over on back] Frasier: Now all we have to do is teach Eddie to say "It's all over." Daphne enters through the front door, struggling with a large, heavy box. Daphne: Can someone help me here? Martin: What is all that? Daphne: Some books Dr. Crane sent for me to get from storage. Frasier: Yes, it's research I'm doing for a novel I'm planning. Gee Daphne, I was beginning to wonder what was taking you so long. Daphne: Well, excuse me. But I did have to move 3 crates, a rowing machine and a cast-iron bath tub out of the way first. Frasier picks up a book from the shelf next to the phone. Frasier: Oh, look at that. The only book I really wanted was on the shelf already. You'll have to take these back down. [Bell rings from kitchen] Frasier: Oh my God, that's my duck! Thank you, Daphne. When you're done with that, I need you to run some errands for me. I need a very sturdy lemon-zester, some more music paper, some potting soil and an easel. Daphne: I'd be happy to. Niles appears, starting to enter behind Daphne. Daphne: [muttering] And then maybe after that I could draw a bath, strip you naked and scrub you with a loofah. Would that be all right, Dr. Crane? Niles: Yes. Daphne turns around, looks surprised and laughs. So does Niles. Daphne: I didn't even see you standing there. [Daphne exits] Martin: [Gets up from chair] Hey Niles, can I talk to you about something? Niles: Yeah, just one second, Dad. Niles shuts the door, holds onto the handle, waits for a moment and sighs. Then he turns to face Martin. Niles: OK. Martin: Well, it's about Frasier. Ever since he got fired, he's been so weird. All these projects he's got going... Niles: Yep, don't worry, it's normal. He's simply in a state of denial. [Sits on arm of chair and begins to tie shoelace.] Martin: Denial about what? Niles: About getting fired. People like Frasier's whole identities revolve around their job. The loss of the job is like a... is like a death. And they cope with it in the same way they would cope with a death, by going through a series of stages. First one's denial; usually that's followed by anger; then, er... Frasier: [Comes out from kitchen, and calls loudly] I've done it! [???] Pierre's most difficult dish done to tangy perfection! You know, sometimes I think I missed my calling by not becoming a gourmet chef. [Exits back to kitchen] Niles: See we're still in stage one. Frasier: [From kitchen] Hello, Niles. Niles: Hey Frasier, you ready for our squash date? [Frasier exits kitchen] Frasier: Oh gosh, I'm so sorry, I'm going to have to cancel - I've been cooking all morning. Niles: Oh, what for? Frasier: Well, actually I'm holding a little picnic for the KACL employees and their families. As you may recall I did get them all fired. [Frasier laughs] So I was just hoping to make amends by serving up a little duck a l'orange and an al fresco [???] ! Martin: You know, people like chips at a picnic too. The phone rings, Frasier says, "excuse me," and answers. Frasier: Hello? Ah, yes, Bebe. Yes, yes. Oh yes, the television job. Oh, what a relief. Thank you, bye-bye. [Hangs up] Martin: [excited] You got it? Frasier: No, thank goodness. That job starts tomorrow - I have got things to do. Niles: Oh, I'm sorry, Frasier. Frasier: Sorry? My God, you sound just like Dad. I am going to get another job. The people of this city need me. I am a beloved Seattle institution. He exits into the kitchen. Martin: [Sitting at breakfast table] A couple more days like this and he's going to be in a beloved Seattle institution. [SCENE_BREAK] ANGER Scene Three - Seattle Park. Roz, Bulldog and Frasier are in the park talking over a picnic table. People in background walking and talking. Bulldog: Wait till you hear this, I got a job today. [Roz and Frasier congratulate him] Bulldog: You've got to rub me for good luck. Roz: Where? Bulldog: Well, start at my knee and work your way up. Roz: Where's the job? Bulldog: Oh-oh-oh, all right. It's that new all-sports station. I got the breakfast slot. I even came up with a slogan, "Coffee, eggs and Bulldog." Frasier: Sounds like some sort of Malaysian Happy Meal. Gil enters between Frasier and Bulldog. Gil: A word of caution on the hummus. To be avoided - as a leper would avoid a magic tea-cup ride. Roz: Gil, Frasier made that. Gil: Oh, I'm so sorry. Frasier: That's quite all right. I understand you need to flex your critical muscles while you're between jobs. Gil: Oh good, then you might enjoy this one: "After sampling your [???], I was tempted to describe your entire Middle Eastern buffet as 'The Sorrow and the Pita.'" Oh, who's got a pencil, I've got to write that one down! Gil exits, Frasier is laughing. Tooty enters. Tooty: Hi everybody. [Others greet her] I just got the most exciting news today: they just picked up my story time theatre on public television. [Others congratulate] Talk about living happily ever after, eh? Chi-ching! CUT TO: Frasier and background. Kenny enters. Kenny: Hey, Dr. Crane Frasier: Oh, well hi, Kenny Kenny: Great party. Oh and by the way, I picked something up for you on my way to work today. Frasier: [Surprised and jealous] Work? Kenny: Yeah, yeah. They took me back at my old job. He whistles, then picks up a pita loaf and takes a bite. Kenny: I was passing the bus stop and... Excuse me a sec. He turns away, spits out the food, and hides it in his shirt pocket. Kenny: Anyway, they were about to paper over your poster, so I peeled it off for you. [he hands the rolled-up poster to Frasier] Frasier: Well, that is quite a keepsake. [Begins to unroll it]. Kenny: Don't mention it. Oh, and by the way, the poster under yours was an old radio guy. [Thinks.] Er, a Dr. Earl. Who was he again? Frasier: [Thinks] You know, I'm sorry, I don't recall. Kenny: Yeah, I'm the same way. Once they're off the air, who remembers them? [Laughs.] Frasier laughs also, but is struck by the comment. Kenny sees someone else, and leaves. Frasier rolls up the poster. Roz enters from left. Roz: Do you realize that we're just about the only people here without a job? Frasier: Roz... Roz: If we don't get this Top 100 spot, there may not be any left. Frasier: [Comforting] Roz, I've told you: We have nothing to worry about. Come on... CUT TO: wide view, Frasier calls to everyone. Frasier: Everyone, if I could have your attention, please? We have of course planned some activities for today's little get- together, and I'd like to start with one for the children. Frasier moves along with group of children to a piņata hanging from a tree. A large group watches from a short distance. Frasier: Now what we have here is an authentic Mexican piņata. [Hands pole to blindfolded child.] The object is to take the stick, and give it a little whack. [Gently hits piņata.] CUT TO: Gil on his mobile: Gil: Oh, good for me. I just got the Top 100 job. Frasier: [Incredibly annoyed] Oh well, good for you, Gil. [Holds stick with child] Yes, you're going to want to give this little fellow a good crack. Otherwise... He takes the stick, the child moves away. Frasier: You know, maybe I ought to get this started for you. Otherwise the candy will never come out. He starts hitting the piņata very hard. The group cowers and withdraws. Frasier: Everybody knows that keeping something locked up inside is never good for anyone, is it?! He thrashes the piņata very hard repeatedly, until the stick breaks. Roz and Bulldog look on. Then his mobile rings. He pauses, and takes out the phone from his trouser pocket to answer it. Frasier: Hello? Yes, Bebe. We did hear the news, and how thrilling for Gil. Could you hold, please? He looks at the phone, then drops it on the ground. He starts to stab at it with his broken stick. The phone breaks up into many pieces. End Of Act One. Act Two. BARGAINING Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Niles and Martin are in the lift, going up to Frasier's floor. Martin is sorting through mail and singing, and beginning to annoy Niles. Martin: What is this I feel, love. That fear that makes me conceal, love. Niles: Dad... Martin: Was I doing it again? Damn. Was I doing it before Mrs. Walsh got off? Niles: That's why Mrs. Walsh got off. [Martin acts annoyed.] So, what's Frasier doing? Martin: Ah, he's getting weirder. He beat up a piņata yesterday. Niles: Isn't that what you're supposed to do to a piņata? Martin: Not like this. They found a jawbreaker on the other side of the highway. Niles: [thinks, then] Oh, well, this is good! It means he's reached the anger stage. In due course he'll go through bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Martin: What's bargaining? Niles: Oh, well, it's like when a person makes a deal with God to spare their life. Martin: Oh, yeah, I know all about that. The lift reaches their floor, and they exit. Martin: I remember right after I got shot, I said, "God, if I promise never to drink another bottle of Ballantines, will you let me get through this?" Niles: You still drink Ballantines. Martin: Not in bottles, baby. Martin unlocks the door and enters the apartment, which is filled with all sorts of plants, and serving dishes full of fruit. A waiter is walking round with a serving tray. Frasier is stood by the breakfast table. Frasier: Oh, you're just in time, I'm throwing a party for my fan club. Martin: Here? Niles: Is there some problem with the bridge they normally meet under? Frasier: [Laughs] Very amusing, Niles. [Serious] You see, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately, and last night... I did something which I haven't done since I was a very little boy. I got down on my knees on the bedside, and I prayed for guidance. CUT briefly to Niles and Martin, looking concerned. Frasier: And I asked God, "What can I do to get my old life back?" And the answer came, "take better care of your fans." Martin: [Long pause] God told you that? Frasier: Yes. I have taken my public for granted. I take weeks before I answer my fan mail, if I answer it at all. I've been a bad celebrity. Well, no more! [Goes over to pour drink.] Martin: I didn't even know you had a fan club. Frasier: Well, they meet on the internet, and I visited their website yesterday for the first time. [Brings hand up to head, and shakes it] Bad celebrity! But I invited them all here, and you know what? They were so grateful that before long, I mean, my God, suddenly they were proposing that they hold a massive rally in my honor, demanding that I return to the airwaves. You know, I think that it's safe to say that someone is already working in mysterious ways. [Laughs.] Martin: Someone sure as hell is. [Walks over to kitchen.] Waiter: [To Frasier] Some crab puffs, Dr. Crane? Frasier: No, no, no, you just keep them away from me. It won't be long before I'm back in the public eye, and I've got to remain tight and trim. Daphne enters, struggling to hold a large cardboard box. Her hair is ruffled, and she is carrying a torch. Frasier: Oh, Daphne. [Walks over to collect box.] Martin: What you got there? Daphne: Oh, just a box of Dr. Crane's publicity photos from the storage cubby. Frasier: [o.s.] Thank you. Daphne: This flashlight sure came in handy. Helped me to find that box way up at the top of that old bookcase. [Shuts door.] And when that thing flew in my hair, I had something to beat it to death with. Martin gives Niles a look. Doorbell rings. Frasier: Oh, good Lord, our first arrivals. God, I've got to check the food. Daphne, will you run to the store for me? I need some felt-tip pens to sign these pictures with. Do you mind? [Runs into kitchen.] Daphne: Sure, what else have I got to do? Daphne answers the door to Aaron, a young teenager, and Doris, a middle-aged woman with glasses. Aaron: Hi, Daphne. [Turns to woman, excited,] It's Daphne! Daphne: Hello. Have we met? Doris: We know you from the magazine. Aaron: April '96, Seattle Monthly, "At home with Dr. Frasier Crane." You were wearing an orange flower dress. And your hair was different then. Daphne: Oh, how creepy. Do come in. They enter. Frasier walks up to greet them, Doris looks surprised. Frasier: Come in, come in. [Shakes Doris's hand,] I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. Doris: Wow! Hi, Doris Butley. Frasier: Doris... [Lets go, and shakes Aaron's hand.] Aaron: Aaron Fitch. Frasier: Aaron... Oh, it's such a pleasure to meet you. You know, perhaps I should introduce these people to you. [Turns to Niles and Martin. Guests both look surprised.] Doris: Oh, we know who they are. Martin: And now, where we live. CUT TO: Daphne standing by the door. George is waiting there. He is old, and shy, and carrying a camera. Frasier: Oh don't be shy, come in, come in. George runs up to Frasier, and points the camera in his face and takes a picture. George: This is great, this is great! Frasier: I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, it's a pleasure to meet you. George: This is great, this is great! George puts his head next to Frasier's, and takes a picture of the two of them. Frasier is stunned slightly. Cut to Aaron talking to Niles. Aaron: It's cool, isn't it? Your brother having his own club. Niles: Yeah, well, seeing all of you, I sort of wish I had a club myself. Frasier is holding up cards. All three fans are over by Eddie. Frasier: You know, perhaps you'd like to fill out these name tags while we are waiting for everyone else to come. Aaron: Who else is coming? Frasier: Well, the rest of the fan club. Dorris: This is the fan club - the three of us! Daphne: [By door, exiting and laughing,] Well, I'll be off to get those pens now! [Exits and closes door.] Frasier: You know, perhaps you should all help yourself to some food. Um, Niles, may I have a word with you, please? He walks to the kitchen. George is staring at Niles, who is unsure what to do. Frasier calls from kitchen:] Frasier: Niles! Niles slowly edges to kitchen. Frasier, Niles and three waiters are in the kitchen. Frasier: I can't let them do this rally. Three kooks marching round in a circle, you know what that'll do? Niles: Make them very dizzy very fast. Frasier: Make me a laughingstock - I'll never work in this town again. I mean, I've got to stop them. Waiter: Sorry to interrupt, but I need to carve the second turkey. Niles: No fighting over drumsticks at this party. Frasier: Stop it! [Knocks Niles on the arm They both exit into the living room. Frasier: How's everyone out here? Martin: [Sitting in his chair,] Oh, great. We were just talking about the rally. Frasier: Really, Dad? Oh, I'm glad you brought that up. Martin: They had it this afternoon. Aaron: Right in front of city hall. Doris: It couldn't have gone better. George even stopped traffic by lying across the road on a psychiatrist's couch. The cameramen sure loved that. Frasier: Cameramen? Doris: Oh, what are we doing? It's almost time for the 6 o'clock news! Aaron: You're going to love this, Dr. Crane! Doris turns on the TV. Music plays for news. Frasier: [To waiter standing behind him,] Excuse me, what have you got there? Waiter: Er, still the crab puffs. Shall I get you something else? Frasier: [Taking whole tray,] Yes please, bring me some spring rolls. Waiter exits. Frasier starts eating the food off the tray. Niles gives Frasier a look. TV: Now on the lighter side, did you ever ask yourself, "What if they held a rally and nobody came? George: This is great, this is great! [Takes picture of TV] Frasier and Niles look shocked. Frasier then calls to kitchen. Frasier: Forget the spring rolls, bring me the freakin' turkey! [SCENE_BREAK] DEPRESSION Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment Frasier is in the kitchen, leaning into the fridge. He has obviously gained weight. Martin: Uh, Frasier... Frasier: Yeah, Dad? Martin: Do you think we could talk to you for a second in the living room? Frasier comes out of the fridge with a plate of food, and is eating it with his hands - not very Frasier! Frasier: Yeah, sure. Gee, sounds kind of serious. Martin: It is, kinda... Both exit to the living room, Frasier eating on the way. Niles and Daphne are sat on the couch, Roz on the table. Frasier: Yeah, what is it? Oh Roz, I didn't hear you come in. Martin: I think you had the blender going. [Both walk over to Martin's chair.] Er, Frasier, we're wondering, do you think you might be depressed? Frasier: Depressed? Roz: Well, we've all noticed that you've put on weight lately. [Cuts to Frasier, who has a large tummy,] we're worried that you might be eating excessively. Frasier: [Sits down in Martin's chair, continuing to eat.] Well, gee, maybe I've gained a pound or two, but it's nothing I can't handle. Niles: So you think you've got everything under control. Frasier: Absolutely. Martin: It's time, Roz. Roz gets up and puts a video in the machine. Roz: Remember when I had that babysitter that was stealing from me, so I had to put in that hidden camera? Frasier: Yes. Roz: And remember when you babysat for me? Frasier: What about it? Roz: Just watch this. She is standing behind Frasier, and starts video with the remote. CUT TO: shot of the TV, with video playing. It is in black and white, and of Frasier with baby Alice. Frasier: [v.o:] Well, baby Alice, I think it's meal time. Let's see what's on tonight's menu. [Gets up and moves around.] Ah yes, strained beef and lima beans. Frasier: Oh all right, point taken. So I've put on a pound or two- but the camera adds ten! On the TV: Frasier: [Tries to feed baby, but she won't take it.] Come on, yes, now, its very good. Here, I'll show you. [Eats spoonful of food.] Um, oh my. Alright, here, now it's your turn. CUT TO: real Frasier, feeling uneasy with food in his hands. Frasier: [on TV] No, still? You know, that's not even a proper spoonful. Let's get you a full one. [eats that spoonful.] CUT TO: Frasier, looking round at Niles. Niles looks at Frasier. Frasier: [on TV] That's a nice big one. You know what, let's try something else. Oh, some pureed chicken and yams. [Takes spoonful] Come on now, open up. Open up! Now well, if you're not hungry, you're not hungry. [eats spoonful.] My, well. They taste pretty good together. Let's try that. [Eats double spoonful.] Frasier, really uneasy, shuffles in chair. Frasier: [on TV:] Tell you what, what's that you have in your baby cup there? Is that apple juice? Frasier: Oh all right, enough! Turn it off. Roz turns off the video. Frasier: Well, I guess maybe you're right, I am depressed. What of it? Martin: Well, you know, we're just trying to help you get to, you know, the next stage. Frasier: Stage of what? Niles: Frasier, you know, I think you're dealing with the loss of your job as many people do with a death. Only you've got yourself stalled in depression, and I think you're going to stay there until you let yourself grieve. For everything you've lost. [Frasier looks annoyed,] Your job, your friends, the money, your reputation. [Frasier seems to grudgingly agree.] Roz: You've got to let it out, Frasier. Frasier: Well, I thank you all very much for your concern, but you know what, if I was repressing anything... Frasier tries to get up from out of the chair, but needs help from Niles and Martin. Frasier: I would certainly know it. The only thing that I need to let out is these so-called one-size-fits-all lounge pants. He exits into the kitchen. The others all rise and move about. Roz: Well, that went well. Martin: Yeah, well, we gave it a shot. Daphne: What do we do now? Niles: Well, we can't push him. If he's not ready, he's not ready. Frasier lets out a cry from the kitchen. Daphne: What was that? Roz: Was that Frasier? Frasier: [comes into living room,] If anyone's hungry, there's a freshly made Monte Cristo in the waffle press. Martin: Oh great, thanks, Fras. Frasier lets out a little cry, and stops. Daphne: Dr. Crane, are you all right? Frasier: Yes. Roz: Are you sure? Frasier: I am quite sure. Frasier rests against the wall, facing away from others, and pauses. Others look on, concerned. Niles: Frasier, you're not famous any more. Frasier lets out a big cry. Niles goes up to him and leads him down towards the couch. Martin: What did you do that for? Niles: No, no, dad, he needed a push. Martin: Yeah, but look at him, this can't be good. Niles: Oh, it is good. Let it out, Frasier, let it all out. Frasier flops onto the couch, still crying. Niles: That's good, that's good. Let it all out. Frasier continues to cry. Niles provides comfort for some time. Niles: OK, Frasier, that's probably enough now. Martin: How much more can be in there? Niles: OK, all right, Frasier. That's probably enough now, OK. [To Martin:] I don't think I can get him to stop. Martin: This is sickening. Daphne: What are we going to do? Martin: Somebody get that Monte Cristo in here. [Daphne runs to get it] Roz: Frasier, it's all in how you look at things. Look at my life... Frasier: [Wailing still] No career, no relationship, no hope. Roz: You can say the same thing about me. Frasier: I was talking about you! [Roz hits him gently.] Daphne: [Bringing over waffle] Dr. Crane, my Grammy Moon used to say... [Frasier yells loudly,] Martin: What are you trying to do, kill him? Daphne: [pointing at Roz] Don't blame this on me. She brought the bloody tape over! Roz: Oh, so now this is all my fault. You saw that tape. Daphne: I saw your baby, too. She could stand to miss a meal or two. Roz: She's a healthy baby! Frasier: Oh, stop it, stop it all of you. [Wailing still] There is no hope. It's over. Over. [Sobs] Eddie enters, who rolls on his back. Others watch him. Martin: Look at that! I'm so proud of you, boy. Frasier: Oh dad, you're just saying that! [SCENE_BREAK] ACCEPTANCE Scene Three - Café Nervosa. Niles is sat at his table when Frasier walks in looking very trim and very smart. He sits with Niles. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: Frasier, please join me. Frasier: Thank you very much. [to waitress:] I would love to have... Waitress: Wait! Mochaccino, extra whipped cream and a Linseed Torte, right? Frasier: [laughs] Not anymore! Can I have a non-fat latte please? Waitress: Hey, didn't you used... Frasier: Yes, yes. I used to be on the radio, with any luck I will be again. Thank you for remembering, it does help. Waitress: I was just gonna say, didn't you also used to get a bear claw? Frasier: Off you go! She goes to fetch the coffee. Niles: Frasier, I just have to say "Bravo!" You're slim, well- adjusted, you've really turned things around, haven't you? Frasier: Well, it's easy once you hit rock bottom... and bounce! [laughs] Thank you, Niles. I couldn't have done it without you. Niles: I did nothing you wouldn't have done. And you'll be happy to know my own life is on quite the upswing as well. I just got back from a meeting with Maris and her lawyers. Frasier: And? Niles: [grinning] I think this divorce is going to go very smoothly! DENIAL End of Act Two [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier's Apartment. Frasier is having breakfast and Eddie is on his hind legs begging for food. Frasier does Martin's "It's all over" trick on him and it works. Eddie lays down. Frasier, pleased with himself, blows on his finger like a gun.
Plan: A: KACL; Q: What was Frasier's job? A: Niles; Q: Who believes Frasier is experiencing in denial? A: denial; Q: What does Niles believe Frasier is experiencing after losing his job? A: the five stages; Q: What is the process of grief? A: anger; Q: What emotion did Frasier experience after Gil received a new job offer? A: depression; Q: What stage of grief does Frasier get stuck in? A: his fan club; Q: What group humiliates Frasier by holding a public rally to protest his firing? A: only three members; Q: How many members does Frasier's fan club have? A: The family; Q: Who forced Frasier to accept the loss of his job? Summary: After losing his job at KACL, Frasier seems busy and content, but Niles believes he is experiencing in denial . He moves through the five stages of grief , experiencing anger after Gil receives a new job offer, and bargaining , but gets himself stalled in depression when he finds out that his fan club has only three members who humiliate him by holding a public rally to protest his firing. The family eventually stage an intervention and force him to accept the loss of his job.
Dwight: [picks up pencil between his toes] Jim: Why? Dwight: Twenty minutes a day Jim, that's all it takes. Twenty minutes a day, all feet, no hands and I'll have the pedi-dexterity of a chimp, and you'll be sitting there like an idiot. [attempts to place pencil in pencil sharpener] Okay. Here we go. Ah, yes. [accidentally kicks items from his desk onto Pam's] Pam: Do you mind? Dwight: I'm sorry Pam, allow me to write you an apology letter. Pam: You don't have to do that. Dwight: [typing with his toes] D-E-A. Oop, backspace. A. Dear. Jim: [whistling, places cup of coffee onto Dwight's desk] Ahh, Thank you hands. Nothing else in the universe can do what you do. Dwight: [lifts cup up with toes] Jim: Oh, don't worry about it. Dwight, its okay. You were wrong. Dwight: [spills hot coffee on himself] Uhh, aah! Jim: Well, A for effort right? Dwight: [taps Jim's hand with his foot] [SCENE_BREAK] Hank: Welcome, start your morning right with a burst of blueberry. Or try plain. Andy: What's the occasion? Hank: Dwight said this entry was a waste of space. Andy: I would like a muffa du blueberry por favor. Hank: Eight dollars. Andy: Eight dollars? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war, unfortunately, but I am using the same tactics. I've surrounded the enemy, and I'm slowly starving them. To save on electricity I've installed a timer and motion sensors on the lights. It's part of my green initiative. And by green, I mean money. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [examines items on the reception desk] Mmhmm, China. China. Erin: How was the dentist? Michael: It was great. China. Pam: Are you okay, what's wrong? Michael: Everything here was made in China, Pam. Andy: Yeah, its where they make stuff. Michael: They used to make stuff in America, Andy. But we're falling behind, did you know that? China is a sleeping dragon that is just beginning to stir. Erin: Oh, no. Michael: Yeah, right here. It is right there. [holds up magazine] Anybody read the news any more? Dwight: China is on the move? Michael: I found that in the waiting room at the dentist's office. This kid had the magazine I wanted to read, that's the only one I could reach and I read it and then I read it again. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: My whole life I believed that America was number one, that was the saying. Not America is number two. England is number two. China should be like eight. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Hey Andy. Andy: Hey Darryl. Darryl: You gotta stop texting me so much. Andy: But I wanted you to know that Michael and I are wearing the same tie today. It's insane. Darryl: You need to change your standard for what's worthy of a text. Ask yourself is this something Darryl needs to know. The answers almost always no. Andy: Got it. Then I will call you. Darryl: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: There was a time when the only people who texted you were people you wanted to text you. Girls. And they'd all say the same thing. "I'm coming over baby." And I would text back "BTB", bring that booty. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: Dwight, why is the toilet paper only half a ply? Dwight: I'm sorry, isn't that good enough for your anus? Don't get me started on how coddled the modern anus is. Pam: Umm, Stanley. Maybe you could just unspool a little more each time you need to... Stanley: Don't tell me how to do my business. Dwight: Stanley, as a fellow Dunder Mifflin employee I feel for you. But, like you, I am completely powerless to the whims of the new building owner. Jim: Which is you. Dwight: "Which is you" is not a sentence. Jim: I disagree with. Stanley: Are you just gonna sit there, Office Administrator, or are you going to do something? Pam: Dwight, can we talk about these cutbacks. Dwight: Pam, when I'm sitting at this desk, I'm a salesman. If you wanna talk to the new building owner, you should call Nate and schedule and appointment. Pam: I'm not going to do that. Dwight: Well then you're not going to talk to the new building owner. Which is a shame, because I hear he's a very reasonable guy. Nate: [on the phone] Y'ello. Pam: Hi Nate, Its Pam Halpert. Nate: Oh, hey Pam. Pam: Hey, I would just love to schedule a meeting today with Dwight. Nate: Let me put you on hold for just one 'eensy sec. Pam: Sure. Dwight: [answers phone] Dwight Schrute. Mhm. Tell her I'm busy. I don't know, make something up. Nate: Hey Pam, Dwight's being questioned by the police in connection with a string of dog-nappings that ha... Pam: [hangs up phone] Dwight. Dwight. Can you please tell new building owner that he is screwing over all the people he works with, people he's worked with for years. His friends. Dwight: You know what Pam? You're right. This isn't just a business. This is a home, and I would much rather see a smile from Kevin than save hundreds on plumbing and electricity. [Kevin smiles] [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Oh my God. Michael: What? Erin: According to the internet, the tallest man in the world is Chinese. Michael: So much for keeping our secrets up high. Erin: What's America gonna do? Michael: I know what we're going to do. We're going to put our best minds on it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Everybody stop working. I want you all to imagine a world in which America is not the number one superpower, where forks are irrelevant, and where every man, woman and child is expected to learn how to play the cello. Now open your eyes. Angela: You never told us to close them. Michael: Welcome to your future. Phyllis: What do we do? How do we stop this? Michael: How do we stop it? With a big idea. That's what America is built on, big ideas. Blue jeans, the Grand Canyon. Whose got one, whose got a big idea? Pam: An idea bigger than the Grand Canyon? Michael: Yes, indeed. Yes Kevin. Kevin: An antacid that you only take once a week. Michael: Once a week antacid is the idea to beat. Anyone else? Nobody? Okay then we are... yes. Kevin: Michael! An antacid pill that you take once every six weeks. Stanley: Why not just go one for the year? Michael: I don't know. Kevin: It's too big of a pill to swallow. Michael: Alright. Erin: What if we all get together and help each other and hire a new guy, and then we all kill him, but first we take out like a hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy. I bet you guys like that idea don't you? [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I think that's what they're doing to me. I can't prove it, but I wanted to see their faces when I said it. I learned nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I don't know what the [expletive] that was. Dwight: I say we bomb 'em. By 2020, they're gonna be the world's largest economy and they're getting a taste for protein. We'll all starve. Phyllis: Yeah, Dwight's right we should drop a bomb. Michael: No he's not right. We're not. Where would we even drop it, Phyllis? Did you know that in China there are fifty six cities with over a million people? You know how many we have here? Nine. Erin: [gasps] Oscar: Actually, that's not true. I know the figure you're referring to, and it's a projection of fifteen years from now. Kevin: Thank God. Michael: No, no. That is right now. Oscar: Michael, China's agrarian. Urbanizing fast? You bet 'cha, but still agrarian. Michael: In terms of land, not population. Oscar: Come on Michael. You can... Michael: No, no you're wrong about this. Oscar: Where are you getting this information? Michael: I got it from NewYorkTimes.com Kevin: Uh oh, getting nervous Oscar? Jim: Okay, someone look it up. Ryan: I'm on it Jim. I'm on it. Oscar: Guys its not worth it really. Guys this is not worth our time. Darryl: [reads text] "Are you watching this?" Seriously? Andy: Well are you? Darryl: I'm sitting right here. Ryan: Got it. China has fifty six cities with a population of over one million. The US has... nine. Meredith: Suck it Oscar. Jim: Well on the plus side all this worrying about China has made you smarter than Oscar, Michael. Oscar: Great. I was wrong. I'm wrong. Is everyone happy? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So I happen to know more than the smartest guy in the office. So what? [laughs] I don't care. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay, now where were we before I bested Oscar? [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: Wow, so this building can get uglier. Stanley: I will not work in a roach billboard. Gabe: Oh my God, I can't look at roaches. Angela: Michael do something about this. Michael: Absolutely, Pam this is exactly why I hired you as Office Administrator, handle it. Taking care of business. Pam: Dwight take it down. Dwight: [chuckles] Pam: I'm serious, take it down or else. Dwight: Or else? Or else what? There's nothing you can do. Pam: We can move out. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [lights turn off] Really? [jumps to try and activate motion sensor, Kevin walks through the door setting it off, and the lights come back on] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: So, does anyone wanna know where I've been for the last 2 hours? Jim: Oh God, I've been playing Zombie Soccer for two hours? Pam: I went out to look for a better office space. Dwight: Waste of time. Pam: Not really, because I found one. Jim: Oh wow, these are nice. Pam: Yup. Dwight: Let me see. Pam: Look at the huge offices Jim, check out that conference room. Jim: Yeah, yeah. Totally. Dwight: You can't just move out. Pam: Oh in three months we can. Check the lease, and if you don't undo all the changes you've made, we're moving. Hey guys, can I show you some pictures. Andy: [without looking at the pictures] Oh my gosh she is so cute. She looks like both of you. Pam: They're not of Cece. Andy: Oh, cool. Pam: This is possibly our new Dunder Mifflin office. Phyllis: Well I like being in the same building as Bob. Keeps me honest. Pam: Well, this building isn't far, and its much newer. There's a dry cleaner, nail place and a gym. Oh, and it's next-door to and Outback so it always smells like steak. Stanley: Are you trying to kill me? Kelly: Is the nail place Koreans or whites? Pam: Koreans. Kelly: Good. And the dry cleaners? Pam: White. Kelly: Good. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Woah, there is a lot of brainpower in this room. We've got Michael and Oscar, the two smartest guys in the office, also in that order. Oscar: Funny Jim. That is funny. Michael: Very comedically humorous Jim. Kelly: I have a computer question. Hey Oscar? Oscar: What is it? Kelly: Can you move aside so that I can ask Michael? Oscar: Alright. Alright I get it. Kelly: Michael, how do I create a new tab? Michael: Try 'Control P'. Oscar: That's print. Michael: Not if the printer isn't hooked up. You are making some very dangerous assumptions Oscar. Kelly: Oscar it must be killing you to know that Michael is smarter than you. Oscar: He's... he's not smarter than me, he was just right about one thing. Kelly: Yeah, but it was a really smart thing to be right about, actually. Ryan: Actually, it was. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Around here, Oscar is known as 'actually' because he will insert himself into just about any conversation to add facts, or correct grammar. He really does fit that old stereotype of the smug gay Mexican. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [reading text] Megan Fox. Question mark. What's that mean? Andy: Megan Fox! Come on! Darryl: You know what, you're one bad text away from getting blocked. Andy: Yes, but one good text away from a high five. Darryl: You accept these terms? Andy: Oh, its on. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: In your perfect would, what would make this building awesome? I'm putting together kind of a wish list. Kevin: Well, I wish for a million wishes. Dwight: Yeah, no. I'm not a genie. I'm just talking about a... Kevin: Then see you later building. Dwight: You can't possibly be serious. Kevin: I said see you later building. Oscar: Hey Michael. Michael: Hey. Oscar: I was thinking about some of the stuff you said earlier about China. Michael: Mmm. Oscar: I'd love to talk more about it. Michael: Yeah. Oscar: Maybe over some coffee later? Michael: Sure. Jim: Woah, woah, woah. Do you know what you just agreed to? Michael: Coffee Jim. Jim: No. Andy: It is not just coffee. Jim: He's trying to set you up Michael. What's going to happen is he's going to try and bring up what ever you're talking about in a very casual way, but secretly he'll be trying to trip you up, and when he does, boom, its awful. Haven't you noticed that I don't bring up the Tour de France around him? Michael: Yes. Andy: And then he will smugly pay the cheque and make you feel so small. Michael: Alright, well I just need to learn everything about China. To be safe I should learn everything about everything but I don't have time. Okay, okay, I'll just learn about China and science and geography and math and literary. Jim: No politics? Michael: I'm pretty good on politics. "California is bankrupt, and California, California." [Jim and Andy follow Michael into his office] What? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Parley, my office, five minutes. Pam: Parley? Creed: Pirate code, he wants to meet. Pam: So everyone here knows pirate code? Creed: I understand it, I can't speak it. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Pam, I am not an unreasonable man. If you guys stay, I will stop watering down the soap. Pam: You've been watering down the soap? Dwight: Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom? Pam: We need everything back the way it was. Dwight: You don't wanna move. Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do in life. You'll probably just take it out on your kid. Jim will turn to the drink. The family will fall apart, and twenty five years from now, Cece will become world famous... for stripping. Pam: That's a sad story. I have another one. We move, the other tenants follow, the bank takes the building, takes your farm, takes your car and beats the crap out of you. Penniless, you die, and my daughter Cece dances on your grave... fully clothed. [lights turn off, Pam and Dwight begin to wave their arms to alert the sensor] [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Where is Tibet? Michael: Pass. Ryan: When was China founded? Michael: Pass. Jim: Two for two, keep it up. Ryan: Who is Mao? Michael: Lifeline. Andy: Damn it. Michael, you are moments away from the smack down of your life. If you don't know something, steer the conversation back to something you do know. Michael: I could talk about boobs. I bet he knows nothing about boobs. Jim: What do you know about boobs? Andy: Michael, I have to tell you something it's from Rocky II. Jim: Thank you. Andy: This guy doesn't just wanna win. Y'know, he want's to bury you. He wants to humiliate you! Michael: Wait, wait, wait. How long is this going to take? Andy: I'm like a quarter of the way through. Michael: Is it going to be worth it? Andy: No. Ryan: Just in case Michael, I made you a cheat sheet. Michael: I don't need to cheat. Jim: Show him how to use it. [SCENE_BREAK] Nate: [riding in car, looking for new office] Ten thousand seven hundred and six. Dwight: Here it is, right here, pull over. Oh my God. No way. Man, look at that. Nate: Yeah. Dwight: There's no building. This could only mean one thing. Nate: The building's underground? Dwight: She was lying. Oh, Pam, Pam... Dwight & Nate: Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam. Passer-by: Yeah? Nate: Pam. Pam? Dwight: What? Passer-by: I'm Pam. Dwight: Oh. Nate: No you're not. Dwight: I'm sorry. We have a colleague with the same name. Passer-by: Oh, that's fine. Dwight: So, okay. You're not a liar too are you? Passer-by: I've been known to bend the truth. Dwight: Damn it, Pam. Get out. Right now. Leave it, I mean it. Get the hell out of here. Go. Passer-by: Okay. Dwight: I can't wait to do to Pam, what I just did... to Pam. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hey Pam. Pam : Yeah? Dwight: Y'know what, I'm the only one here who you haven't asked about the new office. Pam: I know, because you're the reason we're moving. Dwight: Yeah, but I'm still an employee here, and that part of me is really excited about the change of scenery. What's the square footage in the new place? Pam: Uhh, I think it's something like umm... Dwight: What's the exact square footage. Pam: Umm, let me see. Dwight: How many offices are there? Oh I'll just look at the one sheet myself. Pam: Oh, actually I don't know what I did with the one sheet. Y'know, that's the problem. You only have one sheet. Dwight: [chuckles] You're a funny guy Pam. What's the first thing you guys are gonna do when you move in to the new office? I'm going to walk down the hall and say "Wow, I can't believe this is real, but it is." I can't wait. Pam: Mmhmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I lied about some aspects of the building. Jim: It's still on a bike path though right? Pam: There's no building... it doesn't exist. Jim: What does that mean? Pam: I needed leverage so I pulled those pictures off the internet. It's just this Office Administrator thing, I don't wanna... Jim: What? Pam: Fail. I don't want to fail... again. Jim: But you didn't fail. Pam: And that's what you said about Art School, and that's what you said about sales. Jim: And you didn't fail those things either. Pam: Well, I'm not an artist, and I'm not a salesman. So what would you call it? Jim: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Michael, the reason I asked you down here for this chat is that I've been thinking that your fears about China are a bit exaggerated. Michael: Did you know, that China has a new missile, that can sink a US Naval Carrier nine hundred miles off the coast? Oscar: We have missiles too. Michael: Did you also know that China has secretly been expanding its nuclear arsenal. But what do I know, I mean, that's just according to the Pentagon. Our Pentagon. [SCENE_BREAK] Nate: I wasn't here. [places a book in front of Pam] Pam: What? Nate: I wasn't here. It's a pretty common saying. You may want to log it away for future use. Pam: Well thanks. Nate: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: China has been loaning us billions upon billions of dollars. We are going to be owing them for the rest of our lives. And they will control us. Oscar: Actually, we're in a mild recession right now. I'll give you that, but people use China as the boogie man for all their problems. In the nineteen eighties, it was Japan. Michael: How then do you explain that in the past year manufacturing in China has risen by 17% and in the US it has only risen by 8%? Oscar: Do you really think that manufacturing is a relevant indicator of where the world economy's heading in 2011? Do you know the comparative expansion of say the information sector? I'd say that's far more relevant. Wouldn't you? Michael: Don't... I... [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hello, hello. You're breaking the law. Dwight: Impossible, I love the law. Pam: Read article nineteen. There are suitable standards that you have to maintain the building at that includes comfortable temperatures and adequate lighting. It also means no more cutting the tampons in two, and no more tampering with the toilet paper. Dwight: I see I've underestimated you, and I didn't think that was possible. Nate, reply the paper. Nate: I don't think it goes that way. Dwight: Reply it! [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Don't worry about the coffee, its on me. Michael: Yeah, I figured that. Oscar: Michael, I am so happy that we were able to have this little chat. Michael: Wait. You forgetting something? Oscar: What? Michael: This chat. Two men, one white, one latina. A boss and a money cruncher. I could fire you. Erin: Fire him. No, show mercy. Michael: Here we are. Oscar: What's your point. Michael: My point is... that as long as people like you and me don't stop talking, nobody can stop the USA. Andy: Yeah. [clapping] Erin: Right, yes. Michael: I am talking about freedom, about choice. America, I don't think you need to worry. Because if you want to beat China you will. If you don't, that's fine. That my friend, is your victory. Y'know, a lot of people say if you dig long enough and hard enough you will get to China, and that may be the true, but what they don't tell you is that if you dig long enough and hard enough in a conversation, you get to a friend. So here is to conversation. Oscar: That's not. Michael: Raise your cups on high. Case closed. Oscar: That wasn't what we were discu... That wasn't the whole... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: They say the best vampires don't bleed their victims dry, but give them the strength so that they can bounce back only to be fed on again. I spared Pam, and I may feast off of her profits for years to come. I let Pam win. Haha, oh. I was not motivated by compassion. I have no compassion. Make sure you got that. Not motivated by compassion. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [reads text] Come to parking lot. Crazy pigeon action? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Shhh. You're gonna scare 'em away. [two pigeons are eating out of a soft serve cone] Darryl: [laughs] That's a text. [high fives Andy] Andy: Yeah. Right. Darryl: That's your new standard.
Plan: A: Michael; Q: Who believes China must be stopped before they take over the United States? A: an article; Q: What did Michael read about China? A: a global power; Q: What is China growing as? A: Oscar; Q: Who is taunted by the entire office for his disagreement with Michael? A: Pam; Q: Who threatens to move Dunder Mifflin to a new building? A: Dwight; Q: Who helps Pam succeed as an Office Administrator? A: Dwight's building standards; Q: What does everyone in the office complain about? A: Darryl; Q: Who is sick of Andy's annoying text messages? Summary: When Michael reads an article about China growing as a global power, he decides they must be stopped before they take over the United States. When Oscar contradicts him and is proven wrong, he is taunted by the entire office. Pam threatens to move Dunder Mifflin to a new building after everyone in the office complains about Dwight's building standards. Darryl is sick of Andy's annoying text messages. Dwight clandestinely helps Pam succeed as an Office Administrator.
Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Spike's warehouse. The Judge is kneeling in a corner facing a bunch of storage racks. Spike wheels into view and stops about twenty feet from him. He pushes himself a few feet closer and turns around. Spike: I'm not happy, pet. Angel and the Slayer are still alive. They know where we are, they know about the Judge. We should be vacating. Drusilla: (walks up to him) Nonsense. (takes his hand) They'll not disturb us here. My Angel's too smart to face the Judge again. Spike: (glances over his shoulder) What's Big Blue up to anyway? He just sits there. (looks away) Judge: I am preparing. Spike: (rolls his eyes) Yeah. (turns and wheels over to him) It's interesting to me that 'preparing' looks a great bit like sitting on your ass. (facing him) When do we destroy the world already? Judge: My strength grows, and with every life I take it will increase further. Spike: So let's take some. I'm bored. Drusilla starts moaning. Spike: (looks back at her) Dru? Drusilla collapses to the floor and begins to cry. Drusilla: Angel... Spike: (concerned) Dru? (rolls to her) What is it? (stops by her) Dru! The camera pans around to her face. Spike: Darling... Do you see something? Her crying gives way to an evil smile. Cut to Angel's apartment. Buffy stirs in his bed and reaches over for him. She opens her eyes, suddenly wide awake when she doesn't find him there and looks around. She sits up in bed. Outside it's still raining hard, and lightning strikes. She looks around the room again, but Angel is nowhere to be seen. Buffy: Angel? Cut outside to the alley. The rain has let up. Angel falls to the pavement and props himself up on his hands. Angel: Buffy... He can't hold himself up and collapses to the ground. Angel: (frightened) Oh, no. A hooker standing in a doorway sees him and slowly walks over to him. Hooker: Hey. You okay? (bends down to look at him) You want me to call [SCENE_BREAK] Angel: (suddenly stands up) No. The pain is gone. Hooker: You sure? Angel: Yeah. He spins around, game face on, grabs her and violently bites her on the neck to feed. He drops her dead body, tilts his head up and blows out the smoke he's just inhaled through her neck from her lungs. Angelus: I feel just fine. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The kitchen at Buffy's house. She quietly opens the kitchen door, looks around, comes in and carefully closes it behind her. She keeps an eye out for her mother as she goes around to the stairs. Once there she starts up, stomping rather loudly, and her mother hears her. Joyce: (off camera) Morning. Buffy stops her ascent and comes back down a few steps. Her mother comes over to the base of the staircase. Buffy: Morning. Joyce: So, did you have fun last night? Buffy: Fun? Joyce: At Willow's. Buffy: Yeah. (smiles) Yeah, fun at Willow's. You know, she's a fun machine. Joyce: You hungry? Buffy: No. Uh, no, I-I'm, uh, just gonna go take a shower. Joyce: Well, i-if you hurry, I'll run you to school. Buffy: Thanks. Joyce folds her arms and looks up at Buffy curiously. Joyce: Is something wrong? Buffy's eyes go wide, but she quickly regains her composure. Buffy: No. (shakes her head) What would be wrong? Joyce: (staring) I don't know. You just look... She shakes her head, smiles and goes into the dining room. Buffy breathes a sigh of relief and heads up the stairs. Cut to the library. Xander walks in. Giles looks up at him. Xander: Well, the bus depot was a total washout. And may I say what a lovely place to spend the night. What a vibrant cross-section of Americana. Jenny and Willow look at him concerned. Cordelia sitting on the counter also looks worried. Giles: No vampires transporting boxes? Xander: No, but a four-hundred-pound wino offered to wash my hair. (looks at everyone) What's up? Where's Buffy? Willow: She never checked in. Giles: If the bus depot is as empty as the... docks and the airport... Xander: Do you think this Judge guy's already been assembled? Giles: Yes. Xander: Then Buffy could be... Okay, we gotta find 'em. (thinks) Um, we gotta go to that place, that, uh, that factory. That's where they're holed up, right? (looks back at Willow and Jenny) Let's go. Cordelia: And do what? Besides be afraid and die. Xander: Well, nobody's asking you to go, Cordelia. If the vampires need grooming tips we'll give you a call. Giles: Cordelia has a point. Now, i-i-if Buffy and Angel were, were... harmed, then we don't stand to fare much better. Xander: Yeah? Well, those of us who were born with feelings are gonna do something about this. Jenny: Xander. Willow: No, Xander's right! My God, you people are all... Well, I'm upset, and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are, and we're going to the factory! (starts out) Xander: Yeah! (follows) Just then Buffy comes into the library. Willow: Buffy! Xander: We were just going to rescue you. Willow: (throws Giles a look) Well, some of us were. Giles: Well, I-I would have. Jenny: Where's Angel? Buffy: He didn't check in with you guys? Giles: No. Cordelia: (slides off the counter) What happened? Giles: The Judge, i-is he... Buffy: No assembly required. He's active. Giles: (whispers) Oh, damn it. (removes his glasses) Buffy: He nearly killed us. Angel got us out. Giles: Why didn't you call? We, we, we thought... Buffy: Well, we, we had to hide. Uh, we got stuck in the sewer tunnels, and with the hiding, we just split up... Uh, no one's heard from him? Willow: I'm sure he'll come by. Buffy: Yeah, I'm, I'm sure you're right. Giles: Buffy, the Judge, we, we must stop him. Buffy: I know. Giles: What can you tell us? Buffy: Not much. I, um... I kicked him. It was just like a sudden fever. If he'd got his hands on me... Giles: In time, he won't need to. The stronger he gets, he'll be able to reduce us to charcoal with a look. Buffy: Also, not the prettiest man in town. Giles: I better continue researching, must look for a weak spot. The rest of you should get to your classes. Jenny: Yeah, I better go, too. They all start out. Buffy is the first one out the door. Xander: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (holds the door open) Willow: Buffy, wait up! Jenny: (stops on the way out) (to Giles) I'll, uh, go on the 'Net and search for anything on the Judge. Giles: Thank you. Xander: After classes I'll come back and help you research. Cordelia: (pats him as she walks out) Yeah, you might find something useful if it's in an 'I Can Read' book. Xander looks like he's ready to kill her. Cut to the halls by the stairs. Buffy is about to go up when Willow catches up and stops her. Willow: You don't think Angel would have gone after the Judge himself, do you? Buffy: No, he'd know better than that. Maybe he just needed... I don't know. I just, I wish he'd contact me. I need to talk to him. They start up the stairs. Jenny looks around the corner and watches them go up. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla is laid out on her back on the big table. Spike wheels himself around to her. She looks up at the ceiling blissfully. Spike: (smiles) Are we feeling better, then? (leans on the table) Drusilla: (sighs) I'm naming all the stars. Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day. Drusilla: I can see them. But I've named them all the same name. (tilts her head to him) And there's terrible confusion. Spike: Did you see any further? Do you know what happens to Angel? Angelus: (appears at a side door) Well, (clears his throat) he moves to New York and tries to fulfill that Broadway dream. It's tough sledding, but one day he's working in the chorus when the big star twists her ankle. Spike: You don't give up, do you? Angelus: (slowly comes over) As long as there's injustice in the world, as long as scum like you is walking... (notices the wheelchair) well, rolling the streets... I'll be around. (stops a few feet away) Look over your shoulder. I'll be there. Spike: Uh, yeah. Angel, um... look over *your* shoulder. Angelus turns around, and the Judge puts his hand on his chest. Spike: Hurts, doesn't it? Angelus: (looks back) Well, you know, it kinda itches a little. Spike: (to the Judge) Don't just stand there. Burn him. Angelus: Gee, maybe he's broken. Spike: (to Drusilla) What the hell is going on? Drusilla's face takes on a look of realization. Judge: This one... cannot be burnt. He is clean. (removes his hand) Spike: Clean? You mean, he's... Judge: There's no humanity in him. (turns and goes) Angelus: (faces Spike) I couldn't have said it better myself. Drusilla: Angel. Angelus: Yeah, baby. I'm back. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Spike's warehouse. Spike: Is it really true? Angelus: It's really true. (laughs and walks around the table) Drusilla: (follows him with her gaze) You've come home. Spike: No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap? (follows him) Angelus: What can I say, hmm? (strikes a match on the table) I was going through a phase. (lights a cigarette) Spike: This is great! This is so great! Drusilla: (walks on the table waving her arms) Everything in my head is singing! (Angelus laughs) We're family again. (Angelus helps her off of the table) We'll feed. Grrr. (turns to Spike) And we'll play. (leans in to him) Spike: I've got to tell you, it made me sick to my stomach seeing you being the Slayer's lap dog. Angelus growls and grabs Spike by the shirt. Then he kisses him on the forehead and steps back. Spike busts up laughing. Angelus and Drusilla join in. Drusilla: How did this happen? Angelus: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Spike: Oh, who cares? What matters is now he's back! Now it's four against one, which are the kind of odds I like to play. Drusilla: (leans toward Angelus) Psst. We're going to destroy the world. Want to come? Angelus: (plays with his cigarette) Yeah. Destroying the world. Great. I'm really more interested in the Slayer. Spike: Well, she's *in* the world, so that should work out. Angelus: Give me tonight. Hmm? Spike: What do you mean? Angelus: Lay low for a night. I guarantee you by the time you go public she won't be anything resembling a threat. Spike: You've really got a yen to hurt this girl, haven't you? Angelus: She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive. Cut to the library. Cordelia walks by the counter looking through a book. Xander is lying on top of the counter, also studying a book. Giles is in his office reading through yet another book. Willow is on the phone with Buffy. Willow: Ok. No, no, he didn't, but I'm sure he'll... Well, Buffy, he probably has some plan, and he's trying to protect you. Well, I-I don't know what. I'm not in on the plan. It's his plan. No. Don't even say that! Angel is not dead. Xander: Say 'hi' for me. Willow: (into the phone) Yeah, of course we'll be here. Okay, bye. (hangs up) (to Xander) Say 'hi' for me? Xander: What's the word? Willow: She's checked every place she can think of. She even beat up Willy the snitch a couple of times. Angel's vanished. Giles: (standing in his doorway) But he does do that on occasion, no? Willow: Oh, yeah, but she's extra wigged this time. I guess 'cause of her dreams. God, what if something really happened to him? Giles: Is she gonna join us here? Willow: Yeah. She's just stopping at home first. Xander slams his book shut and jumps off of the counter. Xander: Nada. He heads for the stacks with it. Cut to the stacks. Xander finds Cordelia on his way to return the book to its place on the shelves. Xander: Did you find anything? (shelves the book) Cordelia: This book mentions the Judge, but nothing useful. Big, scary, no weapon forged can stop him, took an army to take him down. Blah, blah, blah. Xander: We need some insight, a weak spot. Cordelia: Well, we're not gonna find it here. She shelves the book as Xander comes over to her. She turns to face him. Xander: Sorry I snapped at you before. Cordelia: Well, I'm reeling from that new experience. Xander: I was crazed. I wasn't thinking. Cordelia: I know. You were too busy rushing off to die for your beloved Buffy. You'd never die for me. Xander: No, I might die *from* you. Does that get me any points? Cordelia: No. Xander: Come on, can't we just kiss and make up? Cordelia: I don't wanna make up. (he starts to go, but she stops him) But I'm okay with the other part. (smiles) Xander smiles back and they start to kiss. After a few moments Cordelia giggles and smiles and they pull apart. Willow is standing behind them, completely confused and upset. Xander: Willow, uh... She darts off. Xander runs after her. Xander: We were just... Willow! Willow! Cordelia realizes they've been found out and begins to consider the implications. Cut to the halls. Willow comes running out of the library. Xander is right behind her. Xander: Willow, come on! Willow: (stops and confronts him, shaking her finger) I knew it! I knew it! Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know. You two were fighting way too much. It's not natural! Xander: I know it's weird... Willow: Weird? It's against all laws of God and Man! It's (disgusted) Cordelia! Remember? The, the 'We Hate Cordelia' club, of which you are the treasurer. Xander: Look, I was gonna tell you. Willow: Gee, what stopped you? Could it be shame? Xander: All right, let's overreact, shall we? Willow: But I'm... Xander: Willow, we were just kissing. It doesn't mean that much. Willow: No. It just means that you'd rather be with someone you hate than be with me. She runs from the hall, leaving Xander just standing there to consider her words. He reluctantly turns to go back into the library. Cut to the Summers house. Buffy comes up the walkway to the porch. She looks at her door a moment, then turns and goes away. Cut to Angelus' apartment. Buffy opens the door, comes in and closes it behind her. She walks over to the bed and sees it's been made. One of his shirts is laid out on it. She goes over to the bed and reaches for the shirt. Behind her Angelus steps over to a statue, picks up a necklace hanging from it and puts it on. Buffy turns and sees him. Buffy: Angel! (runs to him) Angelus: Hey! Buffy: Oh! Angelus: Hey. She kisses him and they hug. Buffy: Oh, my God! I was so worried! Angelus: I didn't mean to frighten you. Buffy: Where did you go? Angelus: Been around. Buffy: Ohhh. Oh, my God! (hugs him again) I was freaking out! You just disappeared. Angelus: What? I took off. (goes to his bed for the shirt) Buffy: (confused) But you didn't say anything. You just left. Angelus: (pulls on the shirt) Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that. Buffy: What? Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night. Buffy: What are you saying? Angelus: Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? (goes for his coat) In fact, let's not talk about it at all. (pulls it on) It happened. Buffy: I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? (meekly) Was I not good? Angelus: (laughs) You were great. Really. (snidely) I thought you were a pro. Buffy: How can you say this to me? Angelus: Lighten up. It was a good time. It doesn't mean like we have to make a big deal. Buffy: It *is* a big deal! Angelus: It's what? Bells ringing, fireworks, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies? (laughs) Come on, Buffy. It's not like I've never been there before. He reaches his hand up to her face and she jerks back. Buffy: Don't touch me. Angelus: (shakes his finger at her) I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it. (starts to go) Buffy: Angel! (he stops and faces her) (teary-eyed) I love you. Angelus: (points coolly at her) Love you, too. (turns away) I'll call you. He goes out the door. Buffy can only watch him go, extremely upset and confused. Cut to Enyos' hotel room. He lectures Jenny. Enyos: You know what it is, this thing vengeance? Jenny: Uncle, I have served you. I have been faithful. I need to know... Enyos: (interrupts) To the modern man vengeance is a verb, an idea. Payback. One thing for another. Like commerce. Not with us. Vengeance is a living thing. It passes through generations. It commands. It kills. Jenny: You told me to watch Angel. You told me to keep him from the Slayer. I tried. But there are other factors. There are terrible things happening here that we cannot control. Enyos: We control nothing. We are not wizards, Janna. We merely play our part. Jenny: Angel could be of help to us. I mean, he may be the only chance we have to stop the Judge. Enyos: It is too late for that. Jenny: Why? Enyos: The curse. Angel is meant to suffer, not to live as human. One moment of true happiness, of contentment, one moment where the soul that we restored no longer plagues his thoughts, and that soul is taken from him. Jenny: Then, if somehow, if... if it's happened... then Angelus is back. Enyos: I hoped to stop it. But I realize now it was arranged to be so. Jenny: Buffy loves him. Enyos: And now she will have to kill him. Jenny: (stands up) Unless he kills her first! Uncle, this is insanity! People are going to die. Enyos: Yes. It is not justice we serve. It is vengeance. Jenny: (exhales and grabs her coat and bag) You are a fool. We're all fools. Her uncle just watches her go and shakes his head. Cut to the lounge at school. Willow comes down the hall. Xander comes out of the bathroom, sees her there and jogs over to her. Xander: Will. She hugs her arms around herself and turns to face him. Willow: Hey. Xander: Where'd you go? Willow: Home. Xander: I'm glad you came back. We can't do this without you. Willow: Let's get this straight. I don't understand it, I don't wanna understand it, you have gross emotional problems, and things are not okay between us. But what's happening right now is more important than that. Xander: Okay. Willow: (drops her arms) What about the Judge? Where do we stand? Xander: On a pile of really boring books that say exactly the same thing. Willow: Lemme guess: 'no weapon forged.' Xander: 'It took an army.' Willow: Yeah, where's an army when you need one? (looks at Xander) What? Xander: (looks thoughtful) Whoa. Whoa! I... I think I'm having a thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a thought. Now I'm having a plan. The lights suddenly go out. Xander: Now I'm having a wiggins. Willow: What's going on? Xander: Let's get to the library. Angelus: (appears behind them) Willow. Xander. They turn to look. Xander: Angel. Willow: Thank God you're okay. Did you see Buffy? Angelus: Yeah. What's up with the lights? Xander: I don't know. Listen, I think I have an idea. Angelus: Forget about that now. I... I got something to show you. Willow: Show us? Angelus: Yeah. Xander, go get the others. Xander: Okay. (runs off) Angelus: And Willow. Come here. Willow: (slowly walks toward him) What is it, Angel? Angelus: It's amazing. Cut to Xander running for the library. Suddenly he stops and turns around, realizing something is wrong. Cut to the lounge area. Jenny appears in the hall opposite Angelus holding up a cross. Jenny: Willow, get away from him. Willow: (stops and looks at her) What? Jenny: Walk to me. Willow: What are you talking about? It's Ang... Angelus has sneaked up behind her and grabs her by the throat. She lets out a frightened yelp. Xander comes running through the door from the other hall. Xander: Don't do that! Angelus: Oh, I think I do that. Willow: Angel... Jenny: He's not Angel anymore. Are you? Angelus: Wrong. I *am* Angel. (tightens his grip on Willow) At last! Xander: Oh, my God. Angelus: I got a message for Buffy. Buffy: (appears behind him) Why don't you give it to me yourself? Angelus spins around with Willow to face her. Angelus: Well, it's not really the kind of message you tell. It sort of involves finding the bodies of all your friends. He tightens his grip on Willow even more and she lets out another pained yelp. Buffy: This can't be you. Angelus: Gee, we already covered that subject. Buffy: Angel, there must be some part of you inside that still remembers who you are. Angelus: Dream on, schoolgirl. Xander takes the cross from Jenny and starts toward Angelus. Angelus: Your boyfriend is dead. You're all gonna join him. Buffy: Leave Willow alone, and deal with me. Angelus: But she's so cute (pinches her cheek) and helpless. (Xander gets closer) Really a turn-on. Xander shoves the cross into Angelus' face from behind. He reels back and drops Willow. She cries out as she falls backward into Xander, and they collapse against the wall. Angelus turns to Jenny and wards her off with a hand as he starts to back down the hall. When he reaches Buffy he grabs her by the shoulders. She inhales in fright. Angelus: (whispers) Things are about to get *very* interesting. He kisses her, shoves her into the wall and backs out the door. Willow and Xander are up again. Xander: Buffy, you okay? Buffy just stares at the door. Xander: Buffy. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Giles paces. Xander stands while Willow and Cordelia sit at the table. Jenny is leaning against the shelves behind them. Giles: And we're absolutely certain that, that Angel has reverted to his former self? Xander: Yeah, uh, we're all certain. Anyone not feeling certain here? Willow: Giles, you wouldn't have believed him. He was so... He came here to kill us. Cordelia: What are we gonna do? Giles: I'm leaning towards blind panic myself. Jenny: Rupert, don't talk like that. The kids. Giles: I'm sorry. It's just that things are bad enough with the Judge here. Angel crossing over to the other side... I-I-I wasn't prepared for that. Jenny: None of us were. The camera pans over to Buffy sitting at the table opposite Willow. She's looking down sadly. Willow notices and gets up to go to her. Willow: Are you okay? Buffy shakes her head 'no'. Willow: Is there anything I can do? Buffy: (shakes her head) I should've known. When I saw him at the house, he was different. The things he said... Giles: What things? Buffy: It's private. Jenny: But you didn't know he had turned bad? Willow: (looks at Jenny) How did you? Jenny: (looks at Willow) What? Willow: Well, you knew. You told me to get away from him. Jenny: Well, I saw his face. Giles: If only we knew how it happened. (sits on the table) Buffy: What do you mean? Giles: Well, something set it off. Some, some, uh, event must've triggered his transformation. Well, if anyone would know, Buffy, it-it should be you. Buffy: I don't. Giles: Well, did anything happen last night that, that might... Buffy: Giles, please, I can't. (runs from the library) Giles: Buffy, I'm sorry, but we can't afford to... Buffy! Willow: (watching Buffy run) Giles, shut up. Cut to the hall. Buffy runs out of the library and down the hall. Cut back into the library. Cordelia: This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, the Slayer is a basket case... I'd say we've hit bottom. Xander: I have a plan. Cordelia: Oh, no, here's a lower place. Xander: I don't know what's up with Angel, but I think I may have a way to deal with this Judge guy. Sits on the table by Cordelia. Willow: What do we do? Xander: I think, um... (looks at Cordelia, then back at Willow) I think I may need Cordelia for this one. Willow lowers her eyes for just an instant. Xander: And we may need wheels. Cordelia: Well, my car is... Xander: It might have to be bigger. Willow: No problem. I'll get Oz. He has a van. Xander: Good. (looks at Cordelia) Okay. Cordelia: Care to let me in on the plan I'm a part of? Xander: No. Cordelia: Why not? (stands up with her hands on her hips) Xander: Because if I tell you, then you won't do it. Just meet me at Willow's house in half an hour. And wear something trashy... (looks at her) ...er. (walks off) Cordelia is incensed and follows him. Giles: I'm not sure what we should do about Buffy. Jenny: Assuming they don't attack tonight I think we should just let her be. Willow: I agree. Giles: I-I-I can imagine what she's going through. Willow: No, I don't think you can. Cut to Spike's warehouse. Drusilla is holding Miss Edith. Angelus: You should've seen her face. It was priceless. (hops up on a conveyor platform and sits) I'll never forget it. Spike: So you didn't kill her then. Angelus: Of course not. Spike: (exhales) Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'etre, you know. Drusilla: You don't want to kill her, do you? (pokes Miss Edith's eyes) You want to hurt her. (smiles up at him) Just like you hurt me. Angelus: Nobody knows me like you do, Dru. Spike: She'd better not get in our way. Angelus: Don't worry about it. Spike: I do. Angelus: Spike, (slams his hand on a crate) my boy, (pushes it along the rollers) you *really* don't get it! (stands up) Do you? (chuckles) You tried to kill her, but you couldn't. (chuckles) Look at you. You're a wreck! (approaches him) She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. (hops off of the platform) Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. (sits on the platform) To kill this girl... you have to love her. Cut to Buffy's room. She comes in and gently closes the door behind her. She sniffs as she unbuttons her coat. She sees her cross and necklace hanging from its hook and takes it in her hand. It sparkles in the light. She lets go of it, letting it swing. She looks down at the ring on her hand that Angel gave her. She pulls it off of her finger and looks at it, bursting into tears. She goes to her bed and lies on it, clutching the ring and crying uncontrollably. The camera pulls back from her as she curls up on her bed. Eventually she falls asleep and dreams. She and Angel are in bed caressing each other. Buffy runs her hand down his back over his tattoo. They both have on their rings. Angel kisses her gently on the neck. Buffy holds him with her ringed hand. She kisses his fingers. They move under the sheets. He kisses her lips tenderly. Angel: I love you. She opens her eyes and for an instant sees him in his game face. Cut to a funeral in bright daylight. Angel walks up to the grave. Buffy looks over at him. He looks up at her, his face bathed in sunlight. Angel: You have to know what to see. She looks at him, not really understanding, and then back down at the grave. She looks over at the other people attending the funeral and sees Jenny lifting the veil from her face. Buffy wakes with a start, eyes open wide. She suddenly realizes Jenny has something to do with this. Cut to the school. Buffy marches straight to Ms. Calendar's classroom. Cut into the classroom. There are students sitting at all the computers, but she doesn't care. Jenny and Giles see her come in and smile in greeting. Giles: Oh, Buffy. Buffy goes right past Giles straight to Jenny, puts her hand around her throat and shoves her back onto her desk. Giles: Buffy! (tries to pull her off) Buffy: What do you know?! Student: (gets up) Should I get the principal? Giles: (to the class) No, I-I-I'll deal with this. Y-y-you're, you're all dismissed! (they all leave) Buffy: (lets go and steps back) Did you do it? Did you change him? Giles: For God's sake, calm down! Buffy: Did you know this was gonna happen? Giles: You can't go around accusing everybody... Jenny: (interrupts) I didn't know... exactly. I was told... (whispers) Oh, God. (speaks) I was sent here to watch you. They told me to keep you and Angel apart. They never told me what would happen. Giles: (surprised and confused) Jenny! Jenny: I'm sorry, Rupert. Angel was supposed to pay for what he did to my people. Buffy: And me? What was I supposed to be paying for? Jenny: I didn't know what would happen until after. I swear I would've told you. Buffy: So it was me. I did it. Jenny: I think so. I mean, if you... Giles: (demanding) I don't understand. Jenny: The curse. If Angel achieved true happiness, even just a moment of... He would lose his soul. Giles: W-w-w-h-h-how do you know you were responsible f-for... Buffy gives him a look. He takes off his glasses. Giles: Oh. They all look down. Jenny: If there is anything that... Buffy: Curse him again. Jenny: No, I-I can't. I mean, those magicks are long lost even to my people. Buffy: You did it once. It might not be too late to save him. Jenny: It can't be done. I can't help you. Buffy: Then take me to someone who can. Cut to Enyos' hotel room. He's smoking on his pipe. He hears the door open. Enyos: I knew she would bring you. I suppose you want answers. Angelus: Not really. Enyos' face takes on a look of terror. He gets up and faces him. Angelus: But thanks for the offer. Cut to an Army base outside Sunnydale. The camera pans from a high vantage point over a group of soldiers standing at attention. Sergeant: Right face, hu! Double-time, hu! (they march off) Left, left, left, left... The camera comes down behind the barbed wire fence and pans over behind a supply building as Oz's van pulls up. Xander: Wait here. When you guys see that window open get out the ladder, come up, we'll pass you the package, okay? Oz: Okay. Willow: Be careful. Xander opens the side doors and gets out. Cordelia follows him. Cut to the fence. Xander cuts a few more links, pushes the fence aside and squeezes through. Cordelia is right behind him. Xander: The security here really is a joke. I should, uh, report it. Cordelia: Who am I supposed to be again? Xander: You're supposed to be a girl. Think you can handle it? Cordelia slaps him on the arm. They sneak along the side of the building and look out from behind some crates. The coast looks clear, so they continue past a truck. A group of soldiers can be heard quickly marching by. Xander peeks out from behind the truck, and the way still looks clear. He steps over to the door and is about to reach for the knob when they are discovered by a soldier on guard duty. Soldier: Halt! (Xander shoots up his arms) Identify yourself right the hell now. Xander: Uh... Private Harris with the, uh... 33rd. Soldier: 33rd are on maneuvers. Xander: Right! Uh, I'm on leave. (turns around slowly) From them. Soldier: You always spend your leave snooping around the armory, pal? And who is she? Cordelia: Hi. I'm not a soldier. (to Xander) Right? Xander: (approaches the guard, hands still up) Look, I... I just want to give her the tour. Uh, you know what I'm saying. Soldier: The tour. Xander: Well, you know the ladies. They like to see the big guns. Gets them all hot and bothered. Can you cut me some slack, gimme a blind eye? Soldier: And why should I? Xander: Well, if you do, I won't tell Colonel Newsome that your boots ain't regulation, your post wasn't covered, (grabs his M-16 and gives it back to him properly) and you hold your gun like a sissy girl. Soldier: (takes the rifle) You got 20 minutes, nimrod. Xander: (smiles) I just need 5. (starts for the door, but looks back) Uh, forget I said that last part. The guard checks his watch. Xander opens the door to let Cordelia in, gives the guard a thumb's-up and follows her in. Cut inside. Cordelia: Okay, what was that? And who are you? Xander: Remember Halloween, I got turned into a soldier? Cordelia: Yeah. Xander: Well, I still remember all of it. I know procedure, ordnance, access codes, everything. I know the whole layout for this base, and I'm pretty sure I can put together an M-16 in 57 seconds. Cordelia: Well, I'm sort of impressed. But let's just find the thing and get out of here. Xander: Okay. (starts looking around) Cordelia: (hops onto a crate to sit) So, does looking at guns really make girls wanna have s*x? That's scary. Xander: Yeah, I guess. Cordelia: Well, does looking at guns make you wanna have s*x? Xander: I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have s*x. Cordelia just looks at him. Cut outside to the van. Willow: I wish they'd hurry. (cut inside the van) Oz: So, do you guys steal weapons from the Army a lot? Willow: Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun. Oz: I get you. Willow: (after a pause) Do you wanna make out with me? Oz: What? Willow: (looks away) Forget it. I'm sorry. (decides she wants to know) Well, do you? Oz: Sometimes when I'm sitting in class... You know, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen. I think about kissing you. And it's like everything stops. It's like, it's like freeze frame. Willow kissage. He nods his head and smiles to himself. Willow smiles over at him. He looks up at her. Oz: Oh, I'm not gonna kiss you. Willow: (confused) What? But freeze frame! Oz: Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to make your friend Xander jealous or even the score or something. And that's on the empty side. (looks off into space) See, in my fantasy when I'm kissing *you*, you're kissing *me*. (looks back at her) It's okay. I can wait. (sees the window open) We're up. He gets out of the van. Willow watches him get out and smiles. Cut to the hotel room. Jenny, Buffy and Giles come in. Jenny: Oh, my God. She rushes in to her uncle. He's laid out on the bed, dead and covered with blood. Buffy looks up at the wall behind him. A message is written there in blood: WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU TOO. Giles: He's doing this deliberately, Buffy. He's trying to make it harder for you. Buffy: He's only making it easier. I know what I have to do. Giles: What? Buffy: Kill him. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Spike's warehouse. Angelus comes down the metal spiral staircase. The Judge slowly comes over to Spike. Judge: I am ready. Spike: About time. Drusilla sits on his lap and kisses him. The Judge walks off in disgust. Spike: Have fun. Angelus: (bending to Spike's ear) Too bad you can't come with, huh? I'll be thinkin' of you. Spike: I won't be in this chair forever. Angelus takes Drusilla's hand and they start out after the Judge. Spike: What happens if your girlfriend shows up? Angelus: I'm gonna give her a kiss. (to the Judge) Don't you look spiffy! Judge: Spiffy? Drusilla smiles up at him. Spike is left behind all by himself. Cut to Giles' office. Xander and Oz lift a long crate onto his desk. Xander: Happy Birthday, Buffy. I hope you like the color. (steps back) She looks down at the box. Giles positions a crowbar on the lock. Buffy: Giles, we go to the factory first, but they might not be there. They're on the offensive. We need to figure out where they'd go. Giles lifts on the crowbar and breaks the clasp. Giles: Agreed. (opens the box) Buffy: (looks into the box) This is good. Jenny: (in the doorway) Do you, uh... (Giles looks at her) Is there something I can do? Buffy: Get out. Jenny: I-I just want to help. Giles: (looks away) She just said get out. Buffy looks up at Giles. He looks sadly into the crate. Jenny turns around and leaves. Xander: (steps up) Do you want me to show you how to use it? Buffy: Yes, I do. Cut to Spike's warehouse. It's deserted. Buffy walks up to the table. Buffy: I knew it. Giles: (looking up and around) We haven't a bead on where they would go? Buffy: (exhales) I don't know, uh... somewhere crowded, I guess. I mean, the Judge needs bodies, right? Willow: The Bronze? Xander: It's closed tonight. Cordelia: There's not a lot of choices in Sunnydale. It's not like people are gonna line up to get massacred. Oz: Uh, guys? If I were gonna line up, I know where I'd go. Cut to Sunnydale Mall. The camera pans across a line of people at the refreshment stand in the middle of the mall. It pans over the top to show a double door at the end of the mall on a landing midway between floors. The area between the shops is crowded with people. Cut to the stairs. They lead up from both sides to the landing. Customers are going up and down between the floors. The camera follows a woman up one side and over to the doors. She continues out of view up the next flight. The doors open, and the Judge, Angelus and Drusilla walk in flanked by their troops. They close the doors behind them. A man is coming up the stairs. The Judge reaches out with his hand, and an arc of energy emanates from it to the man. The man freezes, a look of surprise on his face, and he quickly begins to combust. He disappears in a puff of flame and smoke. Angelus: Lock the exits, boys. The vampires hurry down the stairs to do Angelus' bidding. Angelus: (to the Judge) It's all yours. The Judge smiles. Cut to an elevator. The doors open and Buffy strides out. Giles and Xander follow carrying the crate on their shoulders. The others bring up the rear. Buffy: Everybody keep back. Damage control only. Take out any lesser vamps if you can. I'll handle the Smurf. Cut to the Judge. He takes a couple of steps down. A customer squeezes by Angelus and heads down the stairs branching to the left. A young couple comes up on the right. The Judge extends his arms, and his energy arcs out to and through them. Cut to a shot of the stairs from the refreshment stand. The Judge's energy arcs through everyone in the area. They all freeze where they stand. Cut to the Judge. He smiles widely. Angelus and Drusilla enjoy the show. Drusilla: (bouncing with glee) Oh, goody! Suddenly a crossbow bolt hits the Judge in the chest and breaks his concentration. The arcs of energy disappear, and the people are all dazed. The Judge grabs at the bolt and pulls it from his chest. Judge: Who dares? Angelus and Drusilla look over at the refreshment stand. Cut to the stand. The camera pans up from the floor, past Willow, Oz, Giles and Cordelia, past Xander opening the crate and up to Buffy standing on top, holding the crossbow. Buffy: Think I got his attention. Judge: You're a fool. (cut to him) No weapon forged can stop me. Buffy: (cut to her) (lowers the bow) That was then. Xander hands her the weapon from the box, and she raises the anti-tank rocket launcher to her shoulder. Buffy: This is now. She powers it on. Angelus and Drusilla exchange a look. Buffy sets her sights and opens the trigger guard. The rest of the team takes cover behind the snack counter. Angelus and Drusilla begin to run. Buffy takes aim. The Judge just looks at her. Angel and Drusilla leap over the stair railing. Buffy is ready. Judge: What's that do? Buffy pulls the trigger and the rocket flies straight into the Judge's chest as Angelus and Drusilla fly over the railing. The Judge disappears in an explosion of flame and smoke. The people in the mall scream and start to panic and run. Angelus and Drusilla hit the floor below. Bits of charred Judge fall all around them. Buffy looks up from the rocket launcher's sights and looks over at them in satisfaction. Angelus gets up and runs off. Drusilla freaks out and runs the other way. The team looks over the counter at what's left of the Judge. The smoke cloud from the explosion billows its way up to the ceiling. Buffy: Best present ever. (hands the weapon down to Xander) Xander: Knew you'd like it. Willow: Do you think he's dead? Buffy: We can't be sure. Pick up the pieces and keep them separate. They all start over to collect what's left of the Judge. Cordelia: Pieces? We get the pieces. Our job sucks! Cut to a side area of the mall. Angelus comes in and looks up at Buffy. Frightened customers are running every which way. Buffy sees him, jumps down from the refreshment stand and starts to give chase. Angelus struggles past some people and runs. Cut to the area below the explosion. Parts of the Judge lie everywhere and are still burning. The smoke reaches the sprinklers and they turn on everywhere. Cut to the side hall where Buffy last saw Angelus. The sprinklers rain down on her and she's getting soaked. She can't see Angelus anywhere. Suddenly he comes at her and hits her from behind. She falls over backward. Angelus: You know what the worst part was, huh? Pretending that I loved you. If I'd known how easily you'd give it up, I wouldn't have even bothered. Buffy: (gets up) That doesn't work anymore. You're not Angel. Angelus: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? It doesn't matter. The important thing is you made me the man I am today! (smiles evilly) Buffy kicks him in the face. He blocks her next swing and punches her in the face and in the gut. He grabs her and swings her around to throw her, but her footing is good and she regains her balance. He kicks her in the face and this time she falls to the floor. Cut to Willow bending down to pick up a piece of the Judge's armor. She's been soaked to the skin by the sprinklers. The camera pans from her over to Oz who has found an actual body part. Oz: Uh... (points) Arm. Cut to the side area. Angelus grabs Buffy as she tries to get up and heaves her over onto her back again. She rolls around to her feet and comes at him. She swings, but he blocks and hits her instead. He follows up with a backhand punch and she hits the floor again. Angelus: Not quittin' on me already, are ya? (she looks up at him) Come on, Buffy. You know you want it, huh? She leaps up and kicks him in the face. He arches backward and then snaps forward. Buffy knees him in the chin and then delivers a series of punches to his gut. She ends with a punch to his face. He isn't fazed, and lunges at her. She grabs his arm and diverts him into a display case. He crashes through the glass, but immediately straightens back up, breaking the top pane and the frame of the case as well. She kicks him in the face and again in the chest, and he staggers backward into a potted tree. She pulls out a stake and stands ready to finish the job. Angelus straightens up and faces her. Buffy doesn't move, but instead lowers the stake and just stares at him. Angelus: You can't do it. You can't kill me. Her anger takes over and she kicks him extremely hard in the crotch. Angelus grabs his groin and moans in extreme pain. He collapses to his knees. Buffy turns her back on him and walks away. Buffy: Give me time. Angelus is on all fours now and can't move to follow her. Cut to the street in front of Buffy's house. Giles pulls up in his ancient car to drop her off. He looks over at her and shuts off the engine. Cut into the car. The only noise is that of the crickets outside. Giles breaks the silence. Giles: It's not over. I-I-I suppose you know that. He'll come after you, particularly. His profile, uh, well, he... he's likely to strike out at the things that made him the most human. Buffy: You must be so disappointed in me. Giles: No. (she looks at him) No, no, I'm not. Buffy: But this is all my fault. Giles: No. I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. A-and I can. I know that you loved him. And... he... has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months a-are gonna, are gonna be hard... I, I suspect on all of us, but... if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is, is my support. And my respect. Buffy smiles at him through her tears. Cut to the living room in Buffy's house. "Stowaway", an old black-and- white movie with Alice Faye and Robert Young, is playing on TV. The actors are dancing slowly, and the woman is singing "Goodnight, My Love" to the man. Lyrics: Goodnight, my love / My moment with you now is ending / It was so heavenly holding you close to me Joyce comes in holding a plate with two cupcakes, one with a candle, and a large coffee mug. Joyce: Did I miss anything? Buffy: Um... just some singing and some running around. Joyce sets down the plate and mug and looks around for the matches. Joyce: Mm. I'm sorry I didn't have time to make you a real cake. (finds the matches) Buffy: No. This is good. Joyce sits back on the couch with her feet up. Joyce: But we're still going shopping on Saturday. (Buffy looks at her) So what'd you do for your birthday? Did you have fun? Buffy: (looks down, then back up) I got older. Joyce: (looks into her face) You look the same to me. She leans back to the table and strikes a match to light the candle. The wick starts to burn and she blows out the match. She sets the matchbook and spent match on the table and leans back on the couch again facing her daughter. Joyce: Happy Birthday. (smiles) I don't have to sing, do I? Buffy: (looks down at her hands) No. Joyce: (indicates the burning candle) Well, go on, make a wish. Buffy stares at it for a long moment. Buffy: I'll just let it burn. Joyce reaches up and strokes her daughter's hair. Buffy leans over and rests her head on her mother. Joyce continues gently stroking Buffy's hair. The song in the movie comes to an end. Lyrics: Sleep tight, my love / Goodnight, my love / Remember that you're mine, sweetheart
Plan: A: even "one moment; Q: How much happiness does Angel find in Buffy's arms? A: one; Q: How many moments of true happiness does Angel find in Buffy's arms? A: Buffy; Q: Who takes out the Judge using a rocket launcher? A: Angel's curse; Q: What is nullified when Angel finds happiness in Buffy's arms? A: Angel; Q: Who loses his soul when he finds happiness with Buffy? A: his former self; Q: What does Angel revert to after losing his soul? A: the vicious super-evil killer vampire; Q: What is Angelus? A: humanity; Q: What does Angelus want to destroy? A: Jenny Calendar; Q: Who is Romani? A: her family; Q: Who sent Jenny Calendar to ensure Angel's soul stays intact? A: the reputedly indestructible Judge; Q: Who does Buffy take out with a rocket launcher? A: Xander-a stolen rocket launcher; Q: What was Buffy's birthday present? Summary: Because he finds even "one moment of true happiness" in Buffy's arms, Angel's curse is nullified; he loses his soul and reverts to his former self, the vicious super-evil killer vampire, Angelus who teams up with Spike and Drusilla to have the Judge destroy humanity. Jenny Calendar turns out to be Romani, sent by her family to ensure Angel's soul stays intact. Devastated by these betrayals, Buffy still takes out the reputedly indestructible Judge using her birthday present from Xander-a stolen rocket launcher.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [CU: TWO WOMEN KISS] [EXT. HOTEL FRONT - NIGHT] (Miss Tangiers pushes Miss Palermo away.) Miss Tangiers: Okay, back that thing up. I wanted to steal some gloss off my lips. (Miss Palermo giggles.) Miss Palermo: Yeah, and you bought it. Hey. You are hotter than anyone in there. (Just then, a young woman and a man walk past.) Woman: For $1,000, I'll take you around the world. MAN: I think I love you. Miss Tangiers: God should just flush this city down the toilet. Look, hey ... I'm going to go find our limo. (Miss Lucky Dragon sits on the side smoking.) Miss Tangiers: (disgusted) Where it's safe. (Miss Tangiers puts her jacket on as she heads for the valet. In the distance, gunshots and tire screeching sounds. Miss Tangiers turns her back for a moment. An out-of-control limo turns the corner and heads straight for the lobby.) (People scream and run to get out of the way. The limo rams through the front drive and stops when it hits a parked car.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOTEL FRONT - NIGHT] (Brass gets out of his car. OFFICER BAILEY HUSKINS is already there.) Brass: Huskins, you first responding? Bailey Huskins: Yes, sir. We got one dead guy in the limo; the rest are cuts and bruises. (They duck under the crime scene tape on their way to the limo.) Brass: So, what's the story? Bailey Huskins: Witnesses are pretty much in sync. They heard, uh, several gunshots from down the street, they saw the limo and everybody started hightailin' it. Brass: (chuckles) Right. Running the Bulls, Las Vegas style. So, I got a feeling the driver didn't see anything. Bailey Huskins: No, sir. Brass: Make sure you do Nystagmus before we pound him through the FSTs. Limo equals drugs and whatnot. And collect all the cell phones. Bailey Huskins: Are we authorized to do that, sir? Brass: No. (loudly) Hey, anybody have any photos or video of the crash? If you do, I promise to get them on Channel 8 News. (Suddenly, everyone in the crowd holds out their phone for him.) Voice: I do. VOICE: I do. VOICE: I do. Brass: Wow. Voice: I got it. Brass: (to Huskins) You better wear gloves before you do the collection. There's a lot of interrupted lap dances out there. Bailey Huskins: Yes, sir. We got one on the guy in the limo. A passenger. Paramedics are working on him now. Name's Kellen Tyford. Brass: Oh, Kellen. I know Kellen. Calls himself "Drops." VARIOUS FLASHES OF THE BULLET HOLES IN THE LIMO GLASS [SCENE_BREAK] (Greg is examining the back of the limo. He sees the blood on the seat and the dead body on the floor.) (Grissom is looking over David Phillips' shoulder.) Grissom: This is what happens when you don't wear your seatbelt. David Phillips: That's why I always do. Greg: It's the law. Even in limos. (Greg notes the champagne bottle on the limo floor.) David Phillips: Found a wallet. (He checks it.) David Phillips: Got a license. Vic's name is "Champ Landley." (The NEVADA DRIVER LICENSE reads: LIC # 1825588741 EXPIRES: 10-04-2010 SSN: 502-45-195 CLASS: C BIRTHDATE: 10-04-1978 s*x: M HEIGHT: 6'2" WEIGHT: 195 EYES: BRN HAIR: BRN CHAMP LANDLEY 332 CALLE MATRIA RD. LAS VEGAS, NV 89109 Greg: Open champagne bottle. White powder residue. I'll guess coke. (Grissom sees the blood spatter and other material on the limo seats.) Grissom: Well, then that must be ... his brain on drugs. Greg: Party till you drop. Grissom: Or get shot, whichever comes first. SMASH TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - MORNING] [EXT. CASINO/MOTEL - FRONT DRIVE -- MORNING] (Brass walks up to Drops who leans up against a parked car and is holding a cloth pressed to the back top of his head. He's also a mess, stained with a lot of blood.) Brass: Konnichiwa. Drops: Konnichiwa. Look. I ain't in the mood, man. Brass: So, let me guess--you don't have any blood on your hands. Oh, look at that, you do. Drops: Yeah, I got blood on my face, too. How about that? Brass: So, who's the dead guy? Drops: It's Champ. Brass: Yeah, we know that, but who's he to you? Huh? Drops: It's family, man. Brass: So, he's your "cuz", he's your gang buddy. Drops: Look, B, I ain't no Blud and I ain't no Crip. Champ's just a cool kid I knew from around the way. I met his ass over two decades ago riding my Big Wheel. We go back like your hairline. That's family. Brass: So, how did his B-L-U-D end up on your face? Drops: We was parlayin', chillin', slidin' to the strip club, mindin' our own. (Quick flash of: [INT. LIMO] Drops and Camps clink champagne glasses. A gunshot fires.) (Quick CGI of: SLOW MOTION. The bullet bursts through the glass and hits Champs in the head. Champs goes down immediately against Drops.) (End of CGI. End of Flashback.) Brass: So, what'd you do, piss off some rapper band again? Drops: The only bands I'm playin' with now is the one's I'm ripping off stacks of green. And I ain't talking about weed, B. Brass: You're the big cheese maker. What's your secret, anyway? Drops: I promote events, parties. I help the club life pop. Brass: Well, you must be throwing some pretty crappy parties for someone to want you and your buddy dead. Huh? So, tell me. Who lit you up? Drops: I don't know, okay? Could be everybody, man, could be nobody. Brass: Okay. Let's start with everybody. Drops: I know a lot of people -- friends and foes. They know I come here late night. Or maybe, maybe the limo driver cut somebody off and we're the victims of road rage. How about that? Brass: Look, we're going to take you down to the station. Drops: You can't be ser ... I'm the one that got shot at! Brass: You know the rigamarole: we need an official statement, we need your clothes, we need your prints, we need your DNA. Because you're a concerned citizen. You want to help us find out who did this ... unless you already know. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOTEL/CASINO - FRONT ROAD - DAY] (The officers and techs check the road for evidence and mark them as they find them.) CSI Tech #1: Got a nine mill over here. CSI Tech #2: .45 auto casing. (Grissom and Hodges walk over to Greg, who has his kit open on the ground at his feet. Hodges is carrying a kit.) Greg: This neighborhood rains lead. Grissom: Yeah, and we have to process every last drop of it. (Greg is digging out a bullet from the stone wall.) Greg: (mutters) We're going to make Bobby Dawson's boat payment this month. (Hodges takes his sunglasses off.) Hodges: I was right. This is a lot like garbage colleting. Greg: You're not helping, Hodges. Hodges: I have no intention to. Field rotation for the lab techs was Ecklie's idea. He was very explicit that I was only allowed to observe. (Hodges turns his attention to observing the techs on the street.) (Greg manages to get the bullet out of the stone wall.) Greg: Looks like a .38, maybe a .357. (Hodges looks down at the street.) Grissom: It's a little small for those golf-ball size holes we found in that limo. (Hodges finds something. He clears his throat loudly and motions for someone.) Hodges: A little help? (Grissom gives Greg a look before they head toward Hodges to see what he wants. Hodges points to the road.) (Grissom picks up the bullet casing.) Grissom: .50 caliber. Casing looks new. I bet it's from a Desert Eagle. Hodges: Or a coffee shop. I could drink an espresso out of that thing. (Grissom looks at Hodges.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. RESIDENCE - FRONT LAWN -- DAY] (Sofia, Catherine and Warrick stand around a dead woman's body on a front lawn.) Sofia: Residential area. Not much traffic. Landscaper found the body, called 911. Driver's license is in her purse. Her name's Melissa Gentry, lives off Nellis. We're trying to contact the family. (Sofia hands the wallet to Catherine. She takes out the NEVADA DRIVER LICENSE for: MELISSA GENTRY 247 DUNPHY ROAD LAS VEGAS, NV 89109 ) Warrick: Little bit outside of her neighborhood, isn't it? Sofia: Definitely. Warrick: Party clothes shredded. Breaded abrasions. Must've hit the ground moving. Catherine: No car keys and no unaccounted for ... cars in the vicinity. Sofia: You thinking she got jacked? Catherine: She gets taken along for the ride, jumps out trying to escape. (Quick flash of: [NIGHT] The car drives by. The door opens and the body hits the ground rolling. End of flash.) Warrick: Maybe she was killed first, and this is a body dump at high speed. Sofia: I'm going to go bang on some doors, see if anyone heard anything. (Sofia leaves Warrick and Catherine with the body.) Warrick: I'm gonna go see if I can figure out where this started. (Warrick stands up and starts down the road. Catherine snaps photos of the body.) (Warrick puts evidence marker #2 next to a shoe. Catherine snaps a photo of a particular deep mark on the body.) (Warrick puts evidence marker #3 next to a blue piece of cloth. Catherine snaps more photos of the scrapes on the body.) (Warrick finds a black broken part with a partial VIN number on it. He takes a photo and picks it up. Warrick looks around the area.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (The officer in the room opens the door for Nick. Drops is waiting inside.) Drops: Whoa! "Crime Lab Nick Stokes!" I see we're in between bad haircuts. Nick: Drops. Told you I'd see you later. (He opens his kit.) It's called criminal activity. Stand up and hold your hands up for me, please. (Drops stands up and holds out his hands, palms down. Drops smiles at Nick.) Drops: Now, come on, Crime Lab, I thought we was old buddies. Nick: The only thing we have in common, Kellen, are the dead bodies that seem to keep piling up around you. (He snaps a photo.) Turn around, please. (Drops turns around.) Drops: Well, first of all ... I ain't never killed nobody in my life. Second, I don't have a record. (Nick snaps another photo.) Never even done a day in jail. (Drops turns to face Nick.) Nick: Well, you keep heading down this road and, unfortunately, that's where you're going to end up. (Drops looks at his bloodied clothes.) Drops: Yeah, well ... this, this ain't me. I'm not used to this. As a matter of fact, I don't even know what that is. (He points to the item in Nick's hand.) Nick: It's a test for gunshot residue. Hands up. (Nick takes a sample.) Drops: Oh, yeah, uh ... the powder from a gun. You ain't gonna find none of that. Nick: Maybe not. Okay, now, I need you to remove all of your clothing, including your shoes. (Nick gives him some red clothes.) Nick: You can put these on for now and I'll come back to get them when you're done. Drops: No, thanks. Uh, I got one of my queens bringing me a suit. I will not be throwing on these nasty ass scrubs. Nick: You are covered in blood. Your clothes are evidence now and I'm going to come back in here and I'm going to get them. If not, you're just going to be standing here in your underwear. Drops: What underwear? I don't wear drawers. Nick: This is not a compromise, Kellen. (Nick grabs his kit and things off the table and heads for the door. He passes Officer Mitchell standing inside the room.) Nick: You might want to close your eyes or turn around or something. (Nick leaves. Officer Mitchell crosses his arms. He's not budging. Drops glances at him, then turns his back to him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (Greg motions as the limo is backed into the garage and parked.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (David Phillips hangs Champ Landley's bloodied jacket on a hanger and puts it next to his other clothes.) (Greg examines the back of the limo carefully. He notes the blood and glass on the floor and he finds something flattened on the floor, half tucked under the carpeting.) (David washes the blood off the body.) (Greg gathers pieces of glass off the limo floor.) (In the layout room, Nick puts the pieces of broken glass together.) (In the limo, Greg picks up small pieces he finds.) (Champs Landley is on the table with a rod in his head while Robbins reconstructs the skull pieces on a dummy head.) (In the limo, Greg finds a rolled up bill with white powder residue. He leans forward and sees the white circular markings.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - DAY] (Greg reports his findings to Grissom.) Greg: Fifty AE casings came back clean on IBIS, but Ballistics was able to pull type and caliber from the copper jacket fragments inside the limo. Grissom: Consistent with .50 caliber Desert Eagle handgun. (Greg shows Grissom the diagram.) Greg: Yeah. Blood on the seats suggests that the victim was sitting here, on the left, with Drops somewhere to the right. (Grissom counts the bullet lines on the diagram.) Grissom: Six shots into the limo. Autopsy reports cause of death was single gunshot wound to the head with variable trajectory, so one of those was the kill shot. Greg: Yeah, it's just hard to say which one. The crash tossed everything all over the place. And it's basically one big mess now. Grissom: Sounds like Drops' story is holding up, though. (Nick appears in the doorway. He motions to them.) Nick: Gentlemen. Follow me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Greg shows the reconstructed window findings to Greg and Grissom.) Nick: There were two shots fired through the glass, but as you can see, different sizes, different calibers. Greg: Big one's consistent with the .50. Nick: Yeah, but check out the beveling on the impacts. Greg: Well, based on the beveling, these shots were fired from opposite directions. Grissom: Tinting film is applied to the inside of a window, so the small-caliber round was fired from inside the limo. Nick: Well, I analyzed the radial cracks from both holes. The cracks from the shot that was fired out was terminated by the cracks from the shot that was fired in. (Quick CGI flash of: A gun fires. The bullet hits the glass and enters the limo. A second gun fires inside the limo. The second bullet hits the glass on its way out the limo. The cracks in the glass overlap each other. End of CGI flash.) Greg: Someone inside the limo had a gun. Grissom: And, evidently, Drops wasn't telling us the whole story after all. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PRICY COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. DROPS' HOME - POOLSIDE - DAY] (Women in lacy underwear serve drinks. Brass talks with Drops.) Drops: Look, I didn't lie, all right? I just left a couple of things out. Brass: Well, you want to fill in the blanks before I ship you for obstruction? Drops: We shot back; it's that simple. Brass: We? You both had guns? Drops: Nah, man, just one of us. Brass: Well, I bet I can guess which one. 'Cause you're the only person in the limo with a registered .38 revolver. (Quick flash of: [INT. LIMO] A gun fires and the bullet breaks through the glass, hitting Champ and killing him. Drops pulls out his own gun and returns fire. End flash.) Brass: I guess you know that blood is a good way to wash off GSR, right? Drops: Nah, my dude. Look, I ain't do no shooting. All right? Somebody jacked that piece off me, like, a year ago. Brass: You're telling me that you didn't shoot a gun from inside the limo? You're blaming it on a dead guy, a dead guy who just happens to have the same gun as you. Drops: What can I say, man? .38's back in style. Besides, man, Champ always had heat. Everybody know that. He got my back. Brass: You know, I know everything about you, Kellen. You're just a small-time street thug and drug dealer from Northtown. You got the nickname "Drops" 'cause when you sold the chronic, you made a lot of drops. Drops: Wow, and here I was thinking that I got that name based off my boxing skills, seeing as how I used to drop fools in the squared circle. Brass: I don't know, you're a little slow behind the jab. And all you do is a lot of bobbing and weaving. So get me the gun, and I'll let you have your massage. (Drops looks at Brass. It's obvious he doesn't have it.) Drops: I tossed it after the shooting, man. Brass: Look, CSI's been all over that area, they didn't find any guns. Drops: That's because a gun like that in a hood like that, that's rent money, baby. Brass: Excuse me, beautiful. We're gonna wrap up these chicken wings and take them to go. Drops: Whoa, okay, easy now, Kojaks. Brass: No gun, no happy ending. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY] (Catherine walks into Hodges' lab.) Catherine: Don't tell me you're tired of the field already. Hodges: No, I had to catch up on my Perez Hilton. Catherine: I take it you're not gonna pull a Sanders on us, then? Hodges: Let's see: Clean, friendly lab -- bullet-strewn, urine-soaked street - - that's a tough call. Catherine: You have something for me? Hodges: Oh, most definitely. I ID'd the serial number on the piece of plastic Warrick found in the street. Catherine: Yeah? Hodges: It's a GMC seatbelt adjuster. Keeps the shoulder harness webbing from rubbing on the neck. Catherine: Okay. You got make and model of that car? Hodges: Sure do. But I don't think it's gonna help you much. (He hands her the first sheet full of owner names.) Catherine: Oh. (He hands her another printout ... and another and another.) Hodges: That's it. (Catherine smiles at Hodges, takes the printout and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins shares his findings with Catherine.) Robbins: She had atlanto-occipital dislocation, a basilar skull fracture and contre-coup injuries from bouncing her head on the ground. COD is craniocerebral trauma. Catherine: And are those ligature marks? Robbins: They are. The right wrist was broken. Take a look at the shoulder. The humeral head's in front of the usual articulation. Completely dislocated. Catherine: She was dragged by her wrist. (Robbins nods.) We found a seatbelt adjuster at the scene. Maybe she was dragged by a seatbelt? (Quick flash of: Melissa Gentry screams as she's dragged on the road. End flash.) Robbins: Whatever it was, the dragging went on a while. Abrasions on her elbows, ribs, and kneecaps go down to the bone. (Catherine notices the victim's eyes.) Catherine: Her eyes. Robbins: What about them? Catherine: They're the wrong color. They were green. Robbins: You mean these? (Robbins hands her a container with contact lenses inside.) Catherine: Green contacts. (Catherine checks the DRIVER LICENSE. It says her eyes are green and shows her with green eyes in the photo.) (Catherine thinks about it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - WAITING ROOM - DAY] (Warrick is with Pamela Gentry, who is crying at being told the news about the death of her daughter.) Warrick: I'm sorry for your loss, Mrs. Gentry, but we could really use your help. Is there anyone in this neighborhood that your daughter might have been going to see last night? (Warrick shows her a map of the area with a large red X marking the spot where the body was found.) (Pamela Gentry looks at the map and shakes her head.) (Warrick's phone rings. He answers it.) Warrick: (to Mrs. Gentry) Excuse me. (He stands up and steps away for a moment.) Warrick: (to phone) Hey, Cath. Yeah. Are you serious? You're kidding, right? I'm actually with the mother right now. I'll handle it. (Warrick hangs up and sits back down.) Pamela Gentry: I'm sorry. I don't know why Melissa would have ... Warrick: Ma'am, your daughter's alive. Pamela Gentry: What? Warrick: We made a mistake. The victim that we found was carrying your daughter's ID. Pamela Gentry: Are you sure? Warrick: Yes. She just spoke with my supervisor; she's fine. (She laughs with relief.) Pamela Gentry: It's a miracle. Oh, thank God. It's a miracle! (She hugs Warrick.) Warrick: All right. There's just one thing. We still need to identify the victim. Could you tell me if you recognize this girl? (Warrick shows her the photo of the victim. Pamela Gentry starts to cry again.) Pamela Gentry: That's Simone. Oh, no. (crying) That's Simone Molinez. That's my daughter's best friend. Oh ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Henry Andrews shares his findings with Greg as they walk through the hallway.) Henry Andrews: There were no drugs or alcohol in the limo driver's system. Greg: Really? What about Drops? Henry Andrews: Also clean. As was your head shot vic. Club scene's getting really tame these days. Greg: There's got to be something on the rolled-up hundred. Henry Andrews: It's positive for cocaine, along with every Benjamin in the country. Greg: But no coke in the driver or the passengers? That doesn't make any sense. (Greg looks at the results and looks at Henry.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB - DAY] (Greg takes the rolled hundred out of the evidence bag and unrolls it. He examines the bill on the monitor and finds something.) (Wendy walks in.) Wendy Simms: You know, if you're still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that this is no longer your lab, I suggest counseling. Greg: I would like you to run this for me, please. Wendy Simms: Okay. (She looks at the monitor.) Hmm. Boogers on a nose straw. Greg: Yep. Wendy Simms: Well, in recognition of your years of previous service, I will make it a priority. Greg: Thank you. Wendy Simms: You're welcome. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BULLPEN -- DAY] (Sofia interviews Melissa Gentry.) Melissa Gentry: I gave Simone my license a couple of months ago. She was always getting her fakes snatched by bouncers, so I gave her my expired one. Bouncers only ever look at the birth date. We look alike. (She looks at the autopsy photo of Simone Molinez.) Melissa Gentry: Kind of, in ways, like her nose and ... parts of her chin and cheeks. (proudly) And we both have nice butts. But ... that's not on a license. Sofia: Do you know anyone who'd want to hurt Simone? Melissa Gentry: (shakes her head) No way. She was so nice, super cool ... all about fun. Sofia: Any guys involved? Melissa Gentry: Yeah. Mostly guys. Guys with money. Sofia: Like who? Melissa Gentry: I never met any of them. They weren't long-term things. She would just go out with them to party. Sofia: She have s*x with these guys? Melissa Gentry: No, no s*x. She would just use them to get drunk and hang out at penthouses. Sofia: Where was Simone last night? Melissa Gentry: I don't know, but she always starts off her night at the same place: the Gold Square on Sunset. Sofia: That place is a dive. That's not the kind of place to find rich guys. Melissa Gentry: It was kind of a confidence builder for her. Simone was a star in there. She'd always come out with at least a couple numbers. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (Catherine looks through Simone's bag as Sofia watches.) Sofia: Gold Square Bar, gold wad of tissue in her purse -- figured it was worth checking out. Looks like a bar napkin. Catherine: Yeah, that's been shaped, rolled and twisted. Las Vegas origami. Pretty corny. Sofia: Probably work on me. (They both chuckle.) Catherine: That bad, huh? Sofia: Yeah. (Catherine unrolls the napkin and opens it.) Catherine: Here we are. (The hand-written number is: CAREY Sofia: "Carey." Looks like this Carey was hitting on the vic. Catherine: Maybe in more ways than one. (Catherine snaps a photo of the napkin.) (Quick flash to: Someone sits on the bloodied chair and leaves an impression on the leather in the blood.) [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Greg looks at the impressions left behind on the bloodied leather seat. He puts the photo down and looks at the bloodied clothes. He looks through the clothes to find a similar circular pattern, but he doesn't.) (Wendy walks in with the DNA results.) Wendy Simms: Hey. Um, I got your DNA results. Greg: Yeah, and? Wendy Simms: Well, there were two donors on the nose straw. There was one unknown female and one half-known male. Greg: So a sibling match? Wendy Simms: Yeah. Greg, the male is the brother of Demitrius James. (Greg is surprised. He grabs the test results from Wendy to look at it.) Greg: (V.O.) One guy decided not to run away. FLASH TO: [Scenes from 7X04: Fannysmackin'] (Demetrius James with his glowing contact eyes steps out into the alleyway and charges at Greg with a rock in his hand.) Greg: (V.O.) He picked up a rock and started coming at me with it. (Greg sits in the van. He steps on the gas and hits Demetrius James.) (Cut to: In the hospital, Marla James cries over her dead son.) [Scene from 7X07: Post Mortem] Marla James: (V.O.) You didn't run over a mob, you ran over one boy! My boy! (Greg sits in the courtroom during the coroner's inquest.) Aaron James: (V.O.) How tough you feel when you're not in your big SUV, huh? (Aaron James corners Greg in the bathroom.) Aaron James: Asked you a question, killer. (Flash to: In the hospital, Aaron James turns and looks directly at Greg.) END OF FLASHBACKS (Greg looks at Wendy.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Grissom and Greg show Undersheriff Jeff McKeen the camera phone image.) Grissom: This image was captured on a cell phone at the scene. We believe that that is Aaron James. Jeff McKeen: That fuzzy blob? Greg: We also found evidence of Aaron James inside the limo. Jeff McKeen: Well, I hope it's better than this photo. Greg: It's DNA, along with traces of cocaine on a rolled-up $100 bill. Jeff McKeen: Which doesn't place him in the limo. That bill could have been brought in there by anyone. Grissom: We found a pattern in the blood on the seat next to the vic's. It doesn't match the clothes from the limo driver or Drops, so there was at least one other passenger in that limo, and we need to question Aaron James. Jeff McKeen: This city just paid Aaron James and his mother $2.5 million because you ran his brother over. Are you trying to find a way to give them more money? Greg: I'm just trying to do my job. Jeff McKeen: You want to talk to Aaron James, give me more than snot on a bill, and a dot on a crummy photo. This is a PR nightmare in the making. Greg: We still don't have a murder weapon. Aaron James could be destroying evidence right now. Jeff McKeen: (to Greg) All right, first of all, stop talking. You're off the case. (to Grissom) Everything he touched gets reprocessed. Greg: There's nothing wrong with my work. Grissom: Okay. I know that. It's just standard procedure. Greg: Oh, procedure. Jeff McKeen: Open your mouth one more time, and you're on suspension. I'm trying to avoid a harassment suit here. This is cover-our-ass time. Keep me apprised. (The undersheriff turns to leave.) Jeff McKeen: This would have been so much easier if you had been the black guy. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. GARAGE - DAY] (Sofia, Catherine and an officer walk into the garage.) Sofia: We're looking for Carey Corville. Carey Corville: That's me, Bob. (The young man working under the hood turns and smiles appreciatively at Sofia and Catherine.) Carey Corville: M ... hottest cops I've ever seen. Yeah, might be the hottest chicks I've seen all week. You guys are here to get me, take me away. Sofia: Pat him down. Carey Corville: Am I under arrest for something? Catherine: Yeah, that depends. (Catherine shows him the photo of the napkin with his name and number on it.) Catherine: This your idea of romance? (The officer pats Corville down.) Carey Corville: Can't really arrest me for that. Catherine: We found it in Simone Molinez's purse. Carey Corville: She kept that, for real? Oh, it's on. What are you guys doing with it? Catherine: She's dead. Carey Corville: Oh. Well, listen, I don't know nothing about none of that. Sh-she was breathing when I left her. (Quick flash to: [INT. GOLDEN SQUARE (BAR) - NIGHT] Corville rolls up the napkin, turns and presents it to Simone. She takes it and tucks it in her purse.) Simone Molinez: That's sweet. But I have a boyfriend. (He watches her leave.) (End of flashback.) Sofia: So you say. Carey Corville: Come on. I'm not that hard up. Look, she didn't like me. So what? On to the next who will. Catherine: You've got a GMC truck? Where is it? (He indicates outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GARAGE PARKING LOT - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Catherine puts her gloves on as she heads for the GMC truck parked in the stall. The officer, Corville and Sofia stand just outside as Catherine opens the passenger-side doors to look inside.) (She checks both the front and back seatbelts while holding the photo of the seatbelt part found near the body. Catherine opens a tool chest on the back seat floor and sniffs.) Catherine: Disinfectant. (Sofia looks at Corville. Catherine dabs the seat with her forearm.) Catherine: Seat's damp. (Catherine sprays luminol and the seat glows.) Catherine: Hey, Carey, there's blood in your car. Carey Corville: Yeah, it's, uh, my boy, Scotty. He had a nosebleed. Sofia: Scotty who? Carey Corville: Scotty Brittington? Catherine: Well, it's a hell of a lot of blood for a nosebleed. Looks more consistent with the body of a bloody girl. Carey Corville: (shakes his head) I don't know what you're talking about. Sofia: Where would we find your boy Scotty? Carey Corville: I don't know. He's kind of hard to get a hold of easy. (Sofia hands him her notepad and pen.) Sofia: Address and phone. We're going to see what your boy has to say about this blood. Until then, you're coming with us. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI -- DAY] (Catherine looks at a file folder and photo of SCOTT BRITTINGTON. The info sheet on him shows: PRIOR: 487.2 PC-ARMED ROBBERTY SEN.: 2 YR SUJMM PROB-- ) (Catherine's phone rings.) Catherine: (to phone) This is Catherine. Sofia: (from phone) It's me. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - DAY] Sofia: Scott Brittington wasn't at any of his usual haunts, so I checked the hospitals, and guess what? He was admitted last night with a severe puncture wound to his shoulder. He told the staff it was a work injury, but during surgery, they extracted a bullet fragment. (Sofia holds up the container with the bullet in it.) Catherine: Interesting line of work. Sofia: Doc thinks someone tried to dig it out to avoid police notification, which actually made it a lot worse. (Quick flash of: CORVILLE tries to get the bullet out of Scotty's shoulder. Scotty screams.) Carey Corville: Dude, it's ... Scott Brittington: Keep going. I can't go to the hospital with a bullet in me. Cops'll be all over us. (Corville tries to get the bullet out. Scotty screams. Corville gets the bullet out.) Carey Corville: It's all right, man. I got it, I got it. (End of flashback.) Catherine: Needle-nose pliers aren't exactly a fine surgical tool. Sofia: Yeah, that's for sure. Catherine: You talk to Scott? Sofia: Well, I'm on my way to his room right now. (Sofia stops. The crash team surrounds Scotty's bed.) Catherine: (from phone) If he's anything like his friend, I'll sure he'll give you plenty of attitude. Let me know what he has to say. (Scotty fails to revive.) Doctor: All right, let's call it, people. We've done what we could. (They start disconnecting the vent tube.) Sofia: (to phone) I don't think it's going to be much. (Scotty's dead.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB - DAY] (Catherine removes the bullet from the container and puts it under the laser scanner. The bent-out-of-shape bullet is scanned into the computer.) (Catherine runs a scan and finds a match to a .38 CALIBER BULLET from the CHAMP LANDLEY case.) (The bullet matches the fragment.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAKROOM - NIGHT] (Catherine meets with Grissom, Nick and Sara.) Catherine: A .38 fragment recovered from a suspect in my homicide matched a .38 bullet that Greg found near the strip club drive-by. Sara: So the guys in the GMC truck got into a shoot-out with the guys in the limo. (Quick flash of: The GMC truck drives past the limo and fires. A bullet is fired back and hits Scotty in the shoulder. End of flash.) Grissom: Tie score -- one dead on each side. Catherine: Over what? Why were these guys shooting each other up? Nick: It's got to be about the girl. Her DNA matched the unknown female contribution on the hundred dollar bill, so, she was in the limo. Grissom: But that bill doesn't put her in there any more than it does Aaron. Nick: No, but it proves she was with Aaron at some point in the night. Catherine: Wait a minute. Why would Simone even be with those guys? Nick: Because of Drops. He knows everybody in the club scene, especially the party girls. He could have picked her up anywhere. Sara: Simone blows off the broke guys to party with the rich guys. The broke guys feel dissed, so they track down the limo and retaliate. Nick: Yeah. Yeah. And somewhere in between, Simone just gets ... tossed. Catherine: All right, how are we going to prove any of this? I mean, we're not going to get any answers from the suspect in the truck. He's lawyered up. Sara: So is Drops. And the undersheriff isn't letting anyone talk to Aaron. Grissom: What about the seat belt adjuster you found? Catherine: No match to the truck. Doesn't even have seat belt adjusters. Grissom: What about the limo? Sara: It's not a GMC. It's a Lincoln Continental. Grissom: Yeah, but maybe not entirely. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - IMPOUND -- NIGHT] (Grissom and Sara walk to the garage where the limo is parked.) Grissom: Stretch limos are custom-made. You take a Lincoln Continental, cut it apart, stretch it with whatever parts you have available: Ford, Chrysler, General Motors, doesn't matter. (Sara opens the back door while Grissom opens the other back door. They check the seat belt adjuster. Grissom compares the number with the adjuster in the evidence bag.) Grissom: Looks like the same belt adjuster. Sara: This one's missing. (Grissom looks over at the seat. Sara notes the blood on the upper seat belt.) Sara: This blood has to be from the shooting. (She pulls the seat belt and finds blood on the upper part of the belt.) Sara: This is from something else. There shouldn't be blood on this part of the seat belt. Think the undersheriff will let us talk to Aaron now? Grissom: If the DNA matches Simone Molinez's, anyone that was in this limo is up for murder. The, uh, undersheriff won't have a choice. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. JAMES RESIDENCE - DAY] (Sofia and two officers exit the car and head for the front door.) Officer Mitchell: From the hood to the hills. Didn't take him long to spend the taxpayers' money. Sofia: Hey, knock it off. (Sofia knocks on the door. Marla James opens the door. She's holding a wine glass in her hand.) Marla James: (loudly) You need to look in the fridge. Sofia: Mrs. James? Marla James: Oh, hell, no. I got company! Sofia: We have a warrant to search the premises. Marla James: A warrant? A warrant for what?! Sofia: We also need to speak to Aaron. Marla James: Oh, we're not talking to nobody. This is harassment! (She throws her wine at Sofia and tries to close the door. Sofia glances down at her shirt then pushes the door open.) Sofia: That could be considered assaulting an officer. Let's not make this harder than it has to be. (Sofia gives the warrant to Marla James and steps into the house.) Marla James: (shouts) Somebody get me a phone! [INT. JAMES RESIDENCE - BILLIARDS ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Aaron James looks at the pool table.) Aaron James: All right, ten ball, corner pocket. (Aaron leans in close to take his shot. Sofia and Officer Mitchell walk into the room.) Sofia: Mr. James? (Aaron stops. There are two other men in the room.) Sofia: We need to talk to you down at the station. (Aaron puts his poolstick down on the table and holds his wrists out.) Sofia: You're not under arrest. We just want to talk. Aaron James: Yeah, right. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - DAY] (Sofia is standing at the drinking fountain dabbing at the wine stain on her blouse. The undersheriff turns the corner and walks up to her.) Jeff McKeen: I hear soda water works better. Sofia: What'd work better is if I took it out and shot it. Jeff McKeen: So long as I don't see it on the 11:00 news. (She chuckles.) Jeff McKeen: The James kid, he lawyered up? Sofia: Yeah. Yeah, his attorney's on his way. You holding a press conference? Jeff McKeen: Yeah, I'm on my way there now. How do I look? Sofia: Like fresh meat. Jeff McKeen: Oh. Hope I hold my temper as well as you. You've got a big future in this department. Send the dry cleaning bill to my office. (He walks away. Sofia turns and watches him go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAMES' RESIDENCE - BILLIARDS ROOM - DAY] (Nick checks the cabinets. Sara walks in carrying some clothes and a pair of shoes.) Sara: I checked the mom's room and the guest rooms, no sign of any weapons, but ... I did find these in the laundry room. Look familiar? (She holds up the pair of jeans. There's a button pattern on the back pocket that matches the pattern on the bloodied leather in the limo.) (Quick flash to: Someone standing up and leaving the imprint on the limo seat. End of flash.) Nick: Yeah. Any trace of blood? Sara: Nothing obvious. They were just washed. (She smells them.) Sara: They smell like bleach. Nick: Great. What about the, uh, the hoodie in that cell phone picture? It looked like Aaron was wearing one. Sara: Yeah, it's still wet. Aaron wears his clothes baggy. He probably keeps them out of the dryer so they won't shrink. (She hands the hoodie to Nick, who feels around and finds something.) Nick: Looks like the little hood left us something. (He holds up the piece he found.) (Quick flash to: [LIMO] The bullet breaks through the glass and hits Champ Landley in the head. A piece of his skull flies out and lands on Aaron, who is sitting next to him. Aaron breathes in panic. End of flash.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Sofia interviews Aaron with his attorney Duane McWane.) Duane McWane: You're right. My client is guilty of partying in Las Vegas. But with this de minimus amount, you wouldn't be able to hold him for possession. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. OBSERVATION ROOM] (Greg enters the observation room to watch the interview.) Duane McWane: (scoffs) Those jeans? Come on. You'd probably find that same pattern on at least a couple thousand asses in this town. There's nothing here that places my client in that limo at the time of the shooting. Sofia: How about this? (Sofia puts a photo of the bone fragment on the table.) (Quick flash to: Nick places the piece of skull in the reconstruction that Robbins worked on. The piece fits perfectly.) Sofia: (V.O.) A piece of Champ Landley's skull in the hood of your sweater. (End of flash.) Sofia: I'd say you were definitely there. (Duane whispers to Aaron. When he finishes, he answers Sofia.) (Greg watches in the next room.) Duane McWane: Look, scared kid makes a couple of mistakes. It's peer pressure, all right? It's a misdemeanor, at best. You want to put LVPD through PR hell for that? Sofia: No. Not just that. Simone Molinez was dragged to death from your limo before the shoot-out. (Sofia puts Simone's morgue photo on the table.) Sofia: Aaron was in the car when she was being dragged. I'd say that makes him a prime suspect. Aaron James: No, no, no, hold it, hold it. I don't know this girl. Okay, she came up to Drops at the Gold Square. Duane McWane: Aaron, don't say ... Aaron James: No, hold up, man. I didn't kill anybody. Sofia: What's a guy like Drops doing at a dump like the Gold Square? Aaron James: Drops grew up in that 'hood. Guess he, uh ... wanted to claim his old territory. (Quick flash of: [GOLD SQUARE - NIGHT] Drops, Champ and Aaron walk into the bar.) Aaron James: (V.O.) We own that place. Picking up a girl in there was like stealing. (Carey Corville and Scott Brittington leave a table. Drops and Aaron sit down at the table.) Aaron James: (V.O.) Drops trying to open up his own club. Asked me to invest. Before I got my money, guy like Drops wouldn't have "What up?" to me, let alone ask me out to talk business. (End of flashback.) Aaron James: I felt like a big shot. What's the big deal? Sofia: We think it's that big shot attitude that's exactly what got you shot. (Quick flashback to: Simone leaves Corville at the bar and sits with Drops at the table. Scotty and Corville don't like it. End of flashback.) Sofia: Taking that girl out of the Gold Square, you pissed off a couple of locals. (Greg continues to watch the interview.) Sofia: Everyone knows Drops ends his nights at the strip club. They were waiting for you. Aaron James: Look, I had nothing to do with that. And I definitely didn't kick her out of that limo. Sofia: So who did then? Duane McWane: (interrupts) Aaron, unless you want to go to jail, son, don't say another word. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Sara and Greg walk through the hallway.) Sara: You observed the interview? If the undersheriff had seen you, he would've gone ballistic. Greg: Well, I'm still off the case. Besides, I just happened to be listening, and I heard Aaron say that he didn't kick the girl out of the limo. (Sara looks at Greg.) Sara: You want me to check the body? Greg: Well, bruises get more distinguished as a body decomposes, so just see if there's anything we missed. (As they talk, they don't notice the commotion going on at reception.) Marla James: (b.g.) That's the one I want to talk to. Sara: (to Greg) I'm on it. Marla James: (b.g.) That's the one I'm looking for. (Marla James steps into the hallway.) Judy Tremont (receptionist): Miss, excuse me. You're not allowed back there! (She heads over toward Greg.) Marla James: Taking one of my boys wasn't good enough for you, was it? Now you've got to take both? What did we ever do to you? Greg: Mrs. James, I don't have anything against you or your family. Marla James: Then what is it? Is it about the money? Then take it! I just want my boy back! (An officer runs into the hallway.) Sara: Mrs. James, you need to calm down ... Marla James: I'm not talking to you! Sara: Well, you're going to get yourself into trouble here. Officer: Ma'am ... you're going to have to leave. Marla James: (scoffs) Protecting the nice white boy from the mean black lady. (The officer leads her back out to reception.) You've got to help me. You owe me. You owe me! (The officer escorts Marla James back to reception.) (Greg turns the hallway and follows her.) Greg: What do I owe you? Marla James: Yeah, like you don't know. Greg: I'll tell you what I know: I know that Demitrius was a killer. And Aaron -- Aaron made the decision to hang out with Drops. He made the decision to do drugs, and to bring that girl into the limo. That's not on me. It's on him, and you. (She turns and looks at Greg.) Marla James: Aaron is all I have left. (Marla turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Sara is with the assistant coroner as she checks Simone Molinez's body. The assistant coroner turns over her body while Sara checks her back. They switch sides and check the other side of the body.) (Sara finds a shoeprint on her back. She takes a photo of it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass interviews Drops with his lawyer, Brad Lewis.) Brass: This bruise on Simone Molinez's body matches the heel of your buddy Champ's dress shoe. (Drops and his lawyer confer.) Drops: Man, forensics be jammin' a brother up. Brass: No doubt. And you saw him do it. Drops: Look, he was just trying to show a potential investor a good time, that's all. The boy got a short fuse. (Quick flash of: [INT. LIMO] Simone sits next to Aaron in the back of the limo.) Aaron James: All right. Whatever. Champ Landley: Why don't you really hook up my man? Simone Molinez: Hey! (Champ smiles at Drops. Drops hides his laugh.) Aaron James: Champ, come on, man. What's wrong with you, man? She's a lady. Simone Molinez: Let me out the car! Champ Landley: Oh, you want out? (He opens the door.) Champ Landley: Get out. Simone Molinez: Tell the driver to stop. Champ Landley: We're in a hurry! You want out, you get out now! Simone Molinez: No! (He kicks her out of the car.) Aaron James: Hey! (End of flashback.) Brass: So, what, he pushed her out of the car because she wouldn't have s*x with Aaron? Drops: Champ thought it was a bad look. Brass: Bad? Bad for what? Drops: Champ gets a bonus when business is good. Brass: You got booze, bling, girls, guns and drugs in a limo. Would you call that doing legitimate business? Drops: Yeah. So, um ... what's a few scrapes and bruises on this girl got to do with me? Brass: Yeah, a few scrapes and bruises, a broken wrist dislocated shoulder, broken neck -- add it up: it equals death. Drops: Death? Wait a minute, no way. See, first of all, that limo was turtle stepping' it down the block. It's like fallin' off a bike. Brass: Yeah, maybe so, if she wasn't tangled up in the seat belt. What, you didn't hear her dragging on the street? Drops: (shakes his head) The speakers were on blast. I couldn't even hear my cell phone and that was on vibrate. Brad Lewis: My client has corroborated your evidence. Are we free to go? Brass: What? No! I'm charging you with the murder of Scott Brittington. Drops: Scott ... Who? Brass: The guy you shot. Drops: Okay, we already went over that. Champ was the shooter. Brass: Yeah, so you say. But you're the only one in the limo with a registered .38. And you didn't toss that gun after you used it; you gave it to Aaron. (Quick flash to: [INT. LIMO] Champs is dead and leaning on Aaron.) Drops: Trust me, son, you don't want to be here when the cops come, okay? Here, take the ratchet, and make it disappear. (He hands the gun to Aaron.) Drops: Take the ratchet! Don't worry about it; I got you covered. (The car door opens and Aaron leaves with the gun.) Brass: (V.O.) Aaron leaves the scene with your murder weapon. Your gun. (Drops sits in Aaron's seat.) Brass: (V.O.) And you take his spot like he was never there. (End of flashback.) Brad Lewis: Captain Brass, I've seen the ballistics report. The shots fired from inside the limo were fired second. That's textbook self-defense. (Brass looks at Drops. Suddenly, Drops smiles.) Drops: "Textbook self-defense." Told you, forensics be jammin' a brother up. Brass: I'll take my chances with the jury. I'm going to see your arms behind your back sooner than you think. Counselor. (Brass stands up and leaves. Drops doesn't look worried at all.) Drops: And all this time I thought I was paying you too much. Give me some. (They knock fists.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM - DAY] (Greg is at his locker. Grissom appears in the doorway.) Grissom: The DA tells me you requested he go easy on Aaron James. Greg: Yeah. Grissom: He's getting a suspended sentence. Released on his own recognizance. (Greg nods.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY /WAITING ROOM - DAY] (Aaron James walks through the hallway. Drops walks out and meets him. He smiles and holds out his hand to Aaron. Aaron doesn't smile and doesn't shake his hand. He pats Drops on the shoulder and continues down the hallway toward his mom.) (Marla James stands up from her hallway chair. Aaron walks over to her.) [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM - DAY] Grissom: If the kid's brother hadn't died, would you have done the same? Greg: (shrugs) I don't know. I just, uh ... you think it's wrong? Grissom: Doesn't matter what I think. (Grissom looks at Greg, then leaves.) (We hold on Greg.)
Plan: A: a thug; Q: Who was gunned down in a limo? A: the case; Q: What do Grissom, Nick and Greg discover has ties to the brother of the man Greg killed in self-defense? A: a moving vehicle; Q: What was the woman dragged behind? A: the team; Q: Who discovers that the two cases are related? Summary: While Grissom, Nick and Greg investigate the murder of a thug gunned down in a limo, they discover that the case has ties to the brother of the man Greg killed in self-defense. Meanwhile Catherine and Warrick investigate the death of a woman who was dragged behind a moving vehicle. As both cases are investigated the team discover that they are related.
(Ferry Boat/Seattle Scene) MVO: In the 8th grade, my English class had to read Romeo & Juliet. Then for extra credit, Mrs. Snyder made us act out all the parts. (Derek is on board the ferry and walks to the edge of the top deck, smiling at the sight before him) MVO: Sal Scafarillo was Romeo. As fate would have it, I was Juliet. (On the deck below him, Addison is standing staring out into the ocean. She turns around and sees Derek. He finally notices her and stops smiling. Addison waves but he just walks away. Addison turns semi-upset back to look at the ocean) MVO: All the other girls were jealous but I had a slightly different take. I told Mrs. Snyder that Juliet was an idiot. (Meredith is sitting in her jeep in the parking lot of SGH. Meredith is trying hid an obvious zit on her forehead by covering it with her hair, looking in her rearview mirror as a guide. A car pulls up next to her. And Addison looking as perfect as ever exits the car) MVO: For starters, she falls for the one guy she knows she can't have. Then she blames fate for her own bad decision. (Addison stares at Meredith. Meredith finally realizes someone is looking at her. Addison half waves and Meredith raises her hand back forcing a smile on her face) (SGH) (Izzie and Alex are walking along an open mezzanine hallway) IZZIE: You kissed me. ALEX: Yes I did. Izzie: Should we, I mean ... (she sighs) There's a discussion we could have, if you wanted to have one ... Alex: Izzie I kissed you. With tongue. And I plan to do it again and again. Get used to it. End of discussion. (A broad smile graces Izzie's face. Alex walks off) Izzie: Ok. (Meredith is sitting in her car getting a band-aid ready) MVO: Mrs. Snyder explained to me that when fate comes into play, choice sometimes goes out the window. (She puts a hello kitty band-aid on her forehead to cover the zit) Meredith: God. (Dr. Bailey and Richard are walking down a hallway in SGH) Richard: Congratulations. Bailey: For what? Richard: Fellowships. Five applications. Five offers. Do you know how rare that is? This is your year. Everybody wants to dance with you. Of course, Seattle Grace's fellowship program is the best. Bailey (distracted mutters): Oh yeah. Yeah. (She wanders a few feet away going over a patient file. Richard disconcerted follows her) Richard: You are taking my fellowship offer? Bailey (evasive): I don't know ... I haven't made a decision yet. (She walks off. Richard is slightly shocked) MVO: At the ripe old age of 13, I was very clear. That love like life is about making choices. (Meredith is walking in the hospital into a crowded elevator. Derek is right at the back of the elevator. A patient named Talia is having a conversation with her husband named Speed?) Talia: I would not wish this upon anyone. Literally it's like someone reached in and ripped my guts out. Speed: Baby you had food poisoning. Talia: I had one lousy restaurant clam. ... Wait a minute where's billing again? Derek & Meredith: The basement. (Meredith turns around and sees Derek at the back but turns back quickly) MVO: And fate has nothing to do with it. Talia: We're going the wrong way. (Seattle street where Cristina is meeting Burke on a corner. She's brought him coffee) Cristina: Coffee? Burke: Thank you. It's date night. Cristina: Yeah it's a night uh with a date. Burke: You forgot. Cristina: No. (He looks at her) Yesss. Burke: You wanna cancel? Cristina (trying not to smile): No. (They walk off together smiling) (George is standing a few feet away with a bagel in his hand) MVO: Everyone thinks it's so romantic. Romeo & Juliet. True love. How sad. (A bird's droppings falls directly onto George's bagel startling him out of his thoughts.) George: Oh! Crap! (He drops the bagel onto the ground. A pigeon flies down and starts pecking at his bagel) Sheesh! MVO: If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink a bottle of poison and go to sleep in a mausoleum ... (George walks away from where he was standing. Almost instantly a loud thump can be heard. It appears a guy has fallen from the sky and landed on the pavement. George is dumbfounded) MVO: ... she deserved whatever she got. (OUTSIDE SGH) (SGH HOSPTIAL, TRAUMA ROOM) (Dr. Bailey and some other doctors and George are with the guy named Stu who fell lying on a hospital bed) Bailey: Window washer. Fell from fifth floor scaffolding. Obvious open tib/fib fracture but otherwise okay. George (amazed): Equal breast sounds. After a 5 storey fall he's got equal breast sounds! (Cristina walks into the room up to Bailey) This is unbelievable! Do you wanna hear? Bailey: Some how I believe you. Yang, get in there and palpate his abdomen. (Cristina goes to do that) Cristina: Does this hurt anywhere? Stu: No. George: You fell from the sky. 5 stories. And you only injured your leg. Cristina (disapproving): George. George: No. Don't George me. A few seconds there ago he would've landed on me. Cristina: Ok rolling on three please. 1, 2, 3. (A bunch of doctors lift Stu onto his side. There are splattered feathers on his back as well as dried blood) Bailey (grossed out): Oh. Cristina: Are these feathers? George: My life was saved by that pigeon. Bailey: Let's get some x-rays. And after that you might want to get in there and look for the rest of Tweety. George (picking up a feather, looks at and whispers): Thank you. (Meredith is talking with an elderly woman named Esme Sorrento lying in a hospital bed in a ward. Her husband Jed Sorrento is at her bedside) Jed: Esme wanted to wait until tomorrow to see her doctor but she hasn't been able to keep anything down since yesterday so I brought her in. Meredith: Mrs. Sorrento you have acute cholecystitis which means that your gall bladder may have to come out. Jed: She has gall stones? Esme (smiling): He watches cable; he thinks he's a doctor. Meredith (smiles): I'm giving you antibiotics and IV fluids to cool the gall bladder down and then I'm gonna go call Dr. Bailey and I'm going to see if surgery is the best way for us to go. Do you have any questions? Esme (looking at the band-aid): Honey what happened to your forehead? Meredith (shakes her head): Nothing. (The nurse's station where an agitated guy named Weiss is talking to one of the nurse's) Weiss: I've already told you I don't need an appointment. I'm not a patient; I am a friend from New York. (Derek sees the guy talking to the nurse) Derek: Weiss? Weiss: Derek! I've been looking for you. (Addison is walking down an open hallway, meeting a blonde woman named Savannah nicknamed Savvy) Addison (opens up her arms): Sav! Savvy: Oh it's good to see you. (They hug tightly) Addison: Oh why didn't you tell me you were coming? (They finally stop hugging) If I knew you were coming I would've taken the day off. Savvy: Well it was kinda last minute. Addison: Is everything okay? Are you alright? (Derek & Weiss are chatting in an empty staff/conference room sitting at table with cups of coffee) Weiss: A month ago her mother died. Ovarian cancer. Derek: Katherine died? (Weiss nods) I'm sorry. Weiss: That's Savvy, she's... I mean you know how close they were. I mean all she could think about was this breast and ovarian cancer gene. Derek: BRACA. (Addison is talking with Savvy in a similar room as before. Addison is looking over Savvy's file) Addison: A positive test result isn't the end of the world Sav. It just means that you have a gene mutation that could ... Savvy (interrupts softly): I know what it is. I've talked to the genetic counselor. I've been to my gynecologist ... and now I'm here. (Addison sits back. Savvy sits down across from her pleading) Addie, you're the best surgeon there is. Addison (smiles): True. (They both chuckle) But this isn't surgical. Savvy: Yes it is. Addison: No Sav, you understand you don't have cancer. Savvy: And I have no intention of getting it. (Addison stares at her quietly) Addison (shakes her head slightly): So you want me ... Savvy: I want you to take out my ovaries and the uterus. And when that's done ... you're gonna find the best person out there to cut off my breasts. (Trauma room where Stu is now lying on his stomach. Cristina & George are removing bits of the splattered pigeon from Stu's back) Stu: Beak? George & Cristina: Claw. Cristina: We need to widen this incision to take a better look. George: Alright. (George bends down close to Stu and speaks softly) Does your leg hurt a lot? Stu: I'm fine man. Just ... do your thing. (George goes back briefly to removing feathers but then leans back down) George: Is there anyone you'd like me to call? Stu (sighs): What for? George: You fell 5 stories and lived to tell about it. I'd kinda wanna shout it from the roof tops. (Cristina gives him a look) So to speak. (Speaks excitedly now) It's a miracle! You may not understand the medicine of it but a 5 story fall, your lungs should be collapsed, your back should be broken, your aorta should be totally severed ... Cristina (interrupts quietly): George, enough! George (whispers quietly to Stu who groans): I'm just saying there's a reason for this. You lived! We both did. Carpe diem man! Seize the day. Stu (to Cristina): Any chance you could make him leave? Cristina: I really, really wish I could. (Dr. Bailey enters with some x-rays of Stu's legs) Bailey: Mr. Vargas, your lower left leg bones are shattered. We need to get you into surgery. Stu: Oh great just my luck. Cristina (holds up the beak): Beak. George (amazed to Stu): Could I? Would you mind? Could I keep that? (Stu gives him a look) (Savvy, Addison, & Weiss are all sitting together at a table. Izzie is standing at the doorway watching) Savvy: My mother died of it. My aunt. My cousin! She's 37, has ovarian cancer. Weiss: But you don't. You don't have cancer! This is crazy Sav. Savvy: But I have the gene Weiss ... (Derek walks into the room) Addison (interrupts): which gives her up to an 85% chance of getting cancer Weiss. Derek: And a 15% chance she won't. Addison: What are you invited? Savvy: I'm not betting my life on 15%! Derek: Weiss asked me to come. (Derek kisses Savvy's head and sits down next to Weiss) Weiss: I thought it might help. Savvy: Help what? (to Derek) I'm sorry Derek, cause I love you and I'm really glad to see you but until you grow a uterus and watch your mother die from this disease you don't get ... you don't get a vote. Derek (to Addison): She tell you that they were trying to get pregnant? Addison: Yes she did. Derek: Having a hysterectomy is gonna throw a wrench into that. Savvy (adamant): Derek! We've been trying for months. Weiss: Why give up now? Savvy: Come on. We've talked about this. There are other ways to make a family Weiss. We can adopt, we can do ... Weiss (interrupts): Savvy I just ... Savvy (interrupts angry): No. NO! I'm not talking about this! Derek: Let's just take a step back. Take a deep breath and think about this. (He gives Addison a look who gives him one back annoyed) Savvy: I've already thought about it Derek. This ... this is going to happen. (Addison grabs Savvy's patient chart) Addison (she hands it to Izzie): Dr. Stevens get a complete history and her pre-op labs. Get her scheduled for a double mastectomy and consult Dr. Quenar from plastics for a reconstruction. Weiss (upset): Derek. Derek: Addison this conversation is not over! Addison: This ... She is my patient Derek! Doing a bilateral prophylactic oophorectomy and hysterectomy tomorrow. (Izzie looks amazed at what is going on. To Izzie) Get moving. (Derek & Addison are walking down a hallway together) Derek: Prophylactic surgery is extreme. Addison (sighs angry): This is has nothing to do with you. Why were you even in there? She came to me for medical consultation Derek. I'm her doctor. Me. Derek: Those are some of our closest friends. This isn't medical, it is personal. Addison: Fine. Okay if it's personal we should be dealing with them as a couple. Acting like a couple. Derek: What? What does that mean? Addison (she holds up her wedding ring on her hand): See the ring? Derek (angry): Don't go to the ring! Addison: The ring Derek! Remember? We're, we're hear at work you won't talk to me or on the ferry where you pretend not to see me or in couple's therapy 3 times a week where we're arguing about whether or not we should be in couple's therapy. What are we doing? Derek: This is not about us. Addison: It is! Medicine aside our friends are going through hell in there and we can't even act like we like each other long enough to help them. (Derek shakes his head and Addison walks off) (Esme is still lying in bed with her husband now sitting on a chair beside her bed holding her hand. Meredith is trying to insert an IV drip into her other arm) Esme: What's that other that's monogamous? Jed (smiles): I think it's bulls. Esme (to Meredith): Oh I know it's hard. I'm a pin cushion. Meredith: It's okay, don't worry. I won't stick until I find a good one. Jed (to Meredith): Otters mate for life you know. Meredith: Excuse me? Esme: As do bulls I suppose. Meredith: Okay I got it. Hold still. It's gonna take a second for the tube to fill. Esme: Hmm I've always like otters. Meredith: I've always been more of a dog person myself. (Esme laughs) (George and Meredith are at a nurse's desk. Cristina comes to the desk as well) George (excited): Shouldn't he be more excited? Maybe he's in shock, I dunno. But I mean he survived! It's huge! He's gotta realize that things happen for a reason. Meredith: Oh yeah my ex-boyfriend moved his wife to Seattle. Reason: To torture me. George: I'm serious. Meredith: So am I. Cristina: What's with the 'Hello Kitty' on your forehead? Meredith: I don't want to talk about it. Cristina: George can I sign out to you early? George: You don't want in on Stu's surgery? Cristina: Can't. I have a test date. (She lowers her voice) Burke is testing me. (She returns to a normal level) Plus I've already spent an hour picking bird parts out of the guy. I'm over it. George: Carpe diem. Meredith: Giant zit on my forehead and I'm beginning to look how I feel. Carpe that. George (loud & jubilant): This is the luckiest day in the world! Cristina: Tell that to the bird. (Izzie is putting a bandage on Savvy's arm after an injection. Savvy is lying in a hospital bed in a gown. Alex is there as well writing in Savvy's chart. Savvy is staring at Izzie) Savvy: Is it the kid thing? I saw your face upstairs. It's the kid thing for most people. (To herself) And the breasts. Oh and the total menopause like overnight. Izzie: It's a big step. Alex: Well I think it's brave. Savvy: Thank you. (To Izzie) And yes I'd love to be pregnant. I want a lot of things. I wanna ... sky dive. I'd like to learn Italian. I wanna go to San Tropez with my husband and lie topless on the beach. (Izzie smiles) Alex: They do excellent implants in reconstruction these days. (Izzie loses the smile instantly) You won't even know the difference. Plus you'll never have to wear a bra again. That's something right? (Savvy laughs) Izzie (annoyed): Alex, didn't I see your service on the OR board for a biopsy right about now? Alex: Yeah. (He leaves) Izzie: It's not the kid thing. Savvy: Ok. What? (Izzie is silent) It's not like I have a lot of options. One, take my chances and never get cancer. Two, take my chances and die young. Izzie: There's a third option you know? Savvy: Ok I'm listening. Izzie: Take your chances, get cancer and fight like hell to survive. (She leaves the room) (Staff Locker room. Cristina is trying on various dresses. She is wearing a red dress over her scrubs. She holds up a light purple dress and pale white flowery one to Izzie to look at) Izzie: Ah they're both really nice. Cristina: I know. I bought them. But which one is right? (She holds the white one over head and stands in front of a full length mirror to see how it looks. The mirror is between two doors leading to respective female & male bathrooms) Izzie: For what? You're gonna look hot in either one. Cristina: Well clearly. That's not the point. (Meredith & George enter. George whistles) Meredith: Wow you look hot. Cristina: Yeah. Burke and I are gonna talk about how hot I am over dinner. This date is such a mistake. (Cristina starts taking off the red dress) George: But it's easy to get nervous on dates. It's especially hard if you're out of practice so you just got be mellow ... Cristina (interrupts): Yeah I know how to date George. I'm not you. (Alex has entered the room as well. George goes into the men's bathroom) Alex: I have a scheduled for the mastectomy. And I get to stay while plastics does a TRAM flap reconstruction. Izzie: I couldn't do it. Alex: Do what? Make yourself all hot and sexy for your boyfriend like Yang? (Cristina is now putting on the purple dress) Cristina: Go wrestle something. Izzie: I couldn't cut off my ovaries and breasts just because I might have cancer. (Cristina yanks up the dress fully and walks up to Meredith to zip her up) Cristina: Think of it like a hand. If someone told you you'd die if you didn't chop off your hand you'd do it. Izzie: Except when you chop off a hand you don't kill your s*x drive, have silicone breasts, get hot flushes and lose your ability to bear children. (Cristina pulls of her scrub pants) Meredith: If it were me I wouldn't even have the test. I mean what's the point? We're all gonna die anyway right? (They all stare at her) It's the 'Hello Kitty' band-aid on my forehead. It's freaking me out. Alex: I say slice 'em and dice 'em. Whatever. They're body parts. (Cristina moves back to the mirror and starts putting on some black heels) Izzie: So you'd cut of your pen1s? Alex: If it kept me from dying. Besides, I've got plenty of spare. (Izzie makes a face and Alex leaves) Cristina (looks all ready to go): I can do hot in my sleep. I look hot in scrubs. I'm a hot person. He's seen my naked a thousand times. (George walks out of the bathroom at this very sentence and closes his eyes painfully) George (to himself): Bad, bad images in my head. Meredith: But he's never seen you outside the hospital. Cristina (sarcastic): Thank you. (SGH Parking lot at night) (Burke & Cristina are walking to his car all dressed up ready for their date) Burke: You look lovely. Cristina: Thanks. (She quickens her pace a little and goes to open the door for herself but Burke reaches for the door simultaneously) Cristina: Oh. Very polite. Thank you. (He opens the door for her and she gets in. Burke closes the door and walks to the other side of the door trying to shake of his nerves) (Esme is in an operating room. Bailey & Meredith are operating on her) Bailey: Ok, Grey. Adhesions are down. What next? Meredith: Put in graspers to lift the gall bladder so we can dissect it out. Bailey: Good and what are we looking for in Calot's triangle? Meredith: The cystic artery. Bailey: That's right. (looking at the screen of the surgery) Wait a minute. What do you see? Meredith (sighs): Porcelin bladder. Bailey: That's not good. (Dr. Bailey & Meredith are talking with Jed after the surgery in a waiting room) Bailey: Mr. Sorrento when we removed your wife's gallbladder we found that there were calcifications. Jed: What does that mean? Bailey: It's often a sign of gallbladder cancer. We sent it off to Pathology. Jed: She has cancer? Bailey: I'm afraid so. We can keep her comfortable but she's going to need more tests to see what our next steps are. This might include more surgery. Jed: But this surgery will save her right? Bailey: The cancer appears to be advanced. There a palliative surgeries that we can do, that is surgeries to help with the pain but it won't cure it. Jed (devastated looks through the window into the ward his wife is in): How longs she got? Bailey: From what we can tell so far ... she has about 4 to 6 months. I'm so sorry. (Dr. Bailey walks away. Meredith sad moves to walk away as well but Mr. Sorrento stops her) Jed: I don't want Esme to know. Meredith: What? Jed: Esme, I don't want her to know she's dying. Meredith: You don't want to tell her? Jed: Please. You saw her. She's happy. Let me take her home. I don't want her to be afraid before she dies. She doesn't need to. (Pre-op ward where Stu is lying in a hospital bed waiting for his surgery. George is at his bedside. George moves to speak) Stu: No, please don't. No more carpe diem, man. I don't wanna seize the day. George: See that's what I don't get. I'm standing here and I'm just so incredibly happy to be alive. You know I'm looking at the sky, its bluer. Food tastes better. And I didn't survive a 5 story fall. (Stu looks away at this upset. George stops writing in his chart, the smile sliding of his face. Realization dawns him) George (says as a statement): You jumped didn't you. (Stu doesn't reply) (SGH HOSPITAL AT NIGHT) (SGH PRE-OP WARD) Stu: The whole way down all I could think about was Daisy. She's my ex-girl. She works in this hospital. (He huffs) What kinda joke is that? George: Maybe, maybe you got a second chance. Stu (suddenly more upbeat): Daisy. You gotta go and find her for me. Talk to her. Tell her she's the reason that I'm alive. (George just stares back) (Weiss is sitting on an empty hospital gurney against the wall of a hallway. Derek is leaning against the wall talking to him) Weiss (upset): You know we had a future. We had plans. We picked out baby names together. She betrayed that ... without even asking my opinion. Without even giving me time to process. Derek: It's a difficult time. For both of you. She's emotional. Weiss: And hormone changes. Mood swings. They say she could lose her s*x drive. Derek: You'll get through this, all right? (He sits down next to Weiss) you'll get through this. You guys love each other. Weiss: Is that what you said about you and Addie? Derek: What? Weiss: You left her. Derek: That was different. Weiss: Was it Derek? Really? Derek: You know, I gotta go check on a patient and get ready for dinner. See you later. (He gets up and walks off) Weiss: Sure. (RESTAURANT WITH A LOBSTER ON THE FRONT AT NIGHT) (RESTAURANT) (Cristina & Burke are sitting at a table for 2 looking over the menus. Cristina starts looking at the table for something) Cristina: Uh, where's the butter? (Burke picks up a bottle of olive oil and holds it out to her) Oh, no, that's olive oil. I want butter. (He nods slightly and puts the olive oil down. A waiter comes up to their table) Waiter: Should I send the sommelier over? Burke: Oh no that won't be necessary. What is a nice oaky chardonnay? Cristina: Oh I want Bordeaux Burke: Chardonnay will be better with the lobster. Cristina: I'm having steak. Burke (a little shocked): You...You eat red meat. Cristina (equally shocked): You don't? (They both look over their respective menus while the waiter waits for their order) (SGH) (George is looking over a map of the hospital with Meredith in an elevator by themselves) Meredith: You're seriously gonna try to find this girl? Hunt her down while she's working. George: Look. ... Ok I know it's crazy but someone's gotta tell her how he feels. I mean he's alive, right? Something good has got to come out of this. (Meredith nods slight) I mean this could change everything. See I dunno I thought you were a romantic. (The elevator door dings) Meredith: Was. Past tense. (The doors open and Derek enters) Derek: Well this is fun, again. I like the 'Hello Kitty' by the way. Very pink. Very cheerful. George (uncomfortable): Daisy works is billing which is where? Derek and Meredith: In the basement. (George nods to himself and makes a funny noise. Meredith & Derek both turn to look at him) (Dr. Bailey is in front of the OR board looking tearful? Richard comes to the edge of a corner near the board and Bailey notices) Bailey: You need something Chief? I have one more surgery and then I'm free. Richard: No, no, no. Bailey: Ok. (She starts walking off. Richard starts walking with her) Richard: Have you made a decision yet? Bailey: Sir? Richard: The fellowship. The Seattle Grace fellowship. I thought you would've accepted by now. Bailey: Busy. I've just haven't had a chance to fill out ... Richard (interrupts): We're a private hospital. We have extensive resources. You'll get more surgical experience here than anywhere else. You could write your own ticket. Why aren't you more excited? Bailey: No I'm excited. I just ... I'm, excuse me sir, I just I need to scrub in. (RESTAURANT) (Restaurant where Burke & Cristina are eating their dinner silently) Cristina: What? Burke: Oh, nothing. Cristina: You know, we should probably skip dessert I have, I have an early morning. Burke: Oh, right. Not a problem. (A guy in a far by table collapses. It is Speed earlier from before in the elevator) Talia: Oh, my god, help is there a doctor in here? (Both Cristina & Burke look over. They both jump up) Cristina & Burke: Yes! (Cristina & Burke are checking over the guy collapsed on the floor) Cristina: Call 911. Talia: He couldn't be having heartburn. I thought he was choking. Burke: Pulse? Cristina: Yes it's rapid and unequal. Burke: Look at this. The length of his fingers. Cristina: He's gotta be at least 6 foot 4. Burke & Cristina: Marfan's. Talia: What do his fingers have to do with anything? Cristina: Your husband is showing classic markers for Marfan's syndrome. Burke: It means the walls of his blood vessels are weak. Cristina: Uh we need an ambulance. Burke: Fast. He could be dissected here and then get him to the O.R. Cristina: Before his aorta ruptures? Talia: What are you talking about? Who are you people? (Paramedics are with the guy on a stretcher in the restaurant. Dr. Burke is with them. Cristina is on the phone to the hospital) Cristina: We have a dissected thoracic aorta. We need a CT cleared and an O.R ready. (They start wheeling the guy out of the restaurant) Burke (to the paramedics): Start another large boar IV. Continue high flow O2. Transport him sirens and lights to Seattle Grace. Paramedic: Who the hell are you? Cristina: Hey! He's the cardiothoracic surgeon who's gonna operate on him. Burke (looking pleased): And she's with me. (SGH) (Savvy is putting make-up on, getting ready for a night out. Izzie walks into her room) Izzie: Oh, I didn't ... have you been discharged? Savvy: Wh? No. I'm going out to dinner with my surgeon and our husbands. Sort of a last supper I guess. I know, I know. Nothing after midnight. (Izzie nods and moves to leave) You're disappointed aren't you? (Izzie stops and turns back) How do I look? Izzie: You're a beautiful woman. Savvy: And so are you. (Izzie half shrugs it off looking down) Is that why this is so hard to understand? Ugh menopause I know. Boobs. But they have hormone replacement, reconstructions. (She gets reflective) But the sexy Savvy. The Savvy that gets noticed when she walks into the room. Hmmm. The Savvy that loves to wake her husband up in the middle of the night to make love. Yeah I wonder if that Savvy is still gonna be there. Honestly I haven't a clue. (Izzie is silent) But then I think is, is that why Weiss married me? God, I hope not. (George is running down some stairs to the basement of the hospital. He sees a sign pointing to Billings and he runs down the hall. He stops in front of an open door. A woman is sitting at a desk) George: Could this place be any further away? It's like Siberia down here. Daisy: That's because we don't like sick people. George: Oh. You know you're, you're in a hospital. Uh, are you Daisy? Daisy: I don't deal with billing questions after 7pm. I'm just data entry at night. George: No uh actually Stu sent me. Daisy: Is this some kinda joke? George: No. He's in this hospital. He's had an accident. I'm his doctor. He's fine. Uh we're taking him into surgery. Um but he wanted me to find you. (George smiles) Daisy: You just tell that b*st*rd he could've come looking for me like 10 years ago. (George looks a little stunned by her response & walks out) (Izzie & Alex are sitting in a gallery watching Stu's surgery about to begin. Izzie looks angry) Alex: What are you pissed about? Izzie: You'll look at everything in a skirt. Alex (teasing): I'd look at you in a skirt. Short. Maybe something school girl. Pleated. Izzie: If that skirt didn't have a pair of big bouncy boobs you'd stop looking. Alex: When you cut them off you build them back up. Maybe you get to upgrade. Life goes on. Izzie (whispers angrily): If there was a genetic test for testicular cancer, you think men who tested positive would have the surgery? No. You know why? It's castration. What man would willingly get rid of the part of his anatomy that makes him a man? This woman is having herself castrated and we book an OR and act like it means nothing! It's not nothing. God. How could possibly act like it's no big deal? I mean what if it was me? Alex: Izzie, you're making... You're freaking out. You know that right? Izzie: If I was the woman with the cancer gene. If I should up tomorrow and my boobs were made of plastic and my skin had aged 10 years and my s*x drive had dried up. If it was me Alex would you be so fine with it then? (Alex is silent) Yeah you'd really be hot to kiss me with tongue then, wouldn't you? (Izzie gets up and leaves very upset) (OR where Stu is lying down. George is in there as well) Anesthesiologist: Dr. Bailey's scrubbing in so we're gonna get started. Stu: Okay. Hey George. Listen, did you find her? George: I'm very sorry Stu. They said she's on vacation. Stu: Oh, yeah? Maybe her parents. I bet you she went up to New Hampshire. That's where she's from. Anesthesiologist: I'm gonna push the joy juice. Stu: Oh up, up and away. (The anesthesiologist chuckles) George: Maybe you can see her after your surgery. You know when you recover. Maybe then. Stu: It's all good man. Thanks for trying. (He starts trailing off) It really meant a ... lot ... to ... me. (Stu's heart monitor starts beeping rapidly) Anesthesiologist: Hold on guys. We have a problem. George: He's crashing? Dr. Bailey? Bailey: O'Malley start CPR. (To another doctor) Push Epi. (George and Dr. Bailey are walking out of the OR) Bailey: You'll need to notify the family. George: What happened? Bailey: There'll be an autopsy. Sometimes people get on the table and they just die. There's no way of knowing beforehand and no way of controlling it. George: But he fell 5 stories and lived. It doesn't make any sense. He survived so I could go and find Daisy. And then she didn't even want to see him so what's the point? Bailey: We're all part of the cosmic joke O'Malley. Now leave me alone. (She wanders to the OR board where Meredith rushes up to her) Meredith: Oh, Dr. Bailey. Bailey (loud): What? Meredith: Mr. Sorrento doesn't want me to tell his wife that she's dying. Bailey (yells): You haven't told her yet? Meredith: No. Bailey: Ok, I didn't hear you say that. You're her doctor. It's your responsibility to give your patients the information necessary to make an informed decision. Now, I'm hungry. I'm tired. You're in my way! (She brushes past Meredith) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cristina & Burke are washing up in the scrub room getting ready to perform surgery on Speed) Burke: Can you see that Echo from here? Cristina: The dissection isn't subtle. Burke: Did you see that wingspan? And the pectus carinatum? Cristina: What about his palate? Burke: The definition of high arched. (They walk into the OR) (Dr. Bailey is in staff room eating a piece of chocolate cake and coffee. Richard comes in) Richard: You're being wooed, aren't you? Bailey: Excuse me? Richard: The fellowship. LA Med, Chicago Central. They're wooing you. I mean you're fielding offers, you're looking at bonus packages, you're letting yourself be wooed. Bailey (looking a little shocked): No, Chief I ... Richard (interrupts): No it's fine! It's fine. Go be a hotshot somewhere else. (He goes to a table and makes himself a cup of coffee and comes back a little upset) Richard: But tell me ... how could you do this to me? I mean, I'm hurt. Really hurt. After all I've done for you. You're gifted and you're ungrateful. And that's all I'm saying. Bailey (annoyed): I'm pregnant, you blind moron. Richard (shocked and looking sheepish): You're what? Bailey: My heart rate is 110. I'm burning 3000 calories a day. My legs are swollen. I've got indigestion and gas. Did you know that carrying a boy in your uterus means you burn 10% more calories than if you had a girl? Guess what I'm carrying! I try for 7 damn years and a month before my fellowship notifications the stick turns blue. Men! From the very beginning they just suck the life right out of you. I'm not leaving. I'm pregnant. Richard: Um ... congratulations. (Burke & Cristina are in the O.R about to perform surgery on Jed) Burke: Dr. Yang. ... You're handling the saw. (Cristina looks amazed. Other scrub nurses look at her also amazed) Cristina: Thank you, Dr. Burke. (She whispers to him) You won't let me pick the wine but this you'll let me do? Burke (he chuckles): Are we all set for by-pass? Nurse: Almost there. (Cristina begins using the saw while Dr. Burke watches her carefully) (Meredith is entering an empty elevator. Well except for Derek who's dressed for dinner standing in a corner typing something into his mobile. The doors ding shut) Derek: So, apparently we both live on this elevator. (Meredith doesn't reply. He shuts his phone and walks to face her. She avoids looking at him) Derek: Meredith. You know, you could at least acknowledge I exist. (The door dings open and Addison is waiting to get on. Derek turns around so his back is facing Meredith and Addison enters the elevator) Addison: Hello, Dr. Grey. Meredith: Hello. Addison (to Derek): You ready to go? Derek: I was on my way. (There is an awkward silence) (Talia is waiting in a patient waiting room. Dr. Burke & Cristina come down some stairs after the surgery to talk to Talia) Burke: Well, it took 3 hours but the surgery went perfectly. (Cristina nods smiling) All we have to do is wait now and see how he's doing when he wakes up. Talia: Why did this happen? Burke: Almost every patient with Marfan's has an aorta that fails. It's just a matter of when. Talia: I guess it was lucky you two were having dinner at the next table. (Cristina & Burke exchange looks) Burke: It was. Take care. (They walk away) (Meredith is talking to Mrs. Sorrento by herself in her patient room about her cancer) Meredith: ... and we can treat it with surgery and chemo but ... Esme: We're supposed to go to Venice at the end of the month. Do you know the story? Meredith: No. Esme: They say if you ride a gondola under the Bridge of Sighs, you're together for eternity. You didn't tell Jed, did you? Meredith: Excuse me? Esme: He's always been so worried that I'd go first. Meredith: You don't want him to know? Esme: You're young. I don't expect you to understand an old broad like me. Meredith: You can't have a relationship built on a lie. Can you? Esme: Oh, honey, it's not a lie. It's our future. I've been with the love of my life for 60 years. And now I'm dying. We're going to Venice. We're getting in that gondola. (Meredith smiles) (Seattle Scenes) (JOE'S BAR) (Addison, Derek, Savvy & Weiss are sitting in a booth together having a few drinks) Savvy: When Addie told me she was coming out here. I had such a good feeling. You guys are gonna make it. You were always meant to be. Weiss: Yeah a couple of clams on a half shell. A couple of peas in a pod. (Addison chuckles) Addison: Hmm. Derek: Still working on the pod part. Addison: It's about choices. (Savvy holds up her coke for a toast) Savvy: We'll here's to taking life in your own hands. Addison: Cheers. Savvy: Cheers. Derek: Cheers. Weiss (upset): Yeah. And here's to bull and here's to crap. And here's to oophorectomy, hysterectomy, double bilateral mastectomy. Savvy: Please stop. Weiss: How smart am I to know all those words? Savvy: Stop. Weiss: Here's to breast reconstruction, nipple reconstruction. Here's to losing your wife. Here's to being the ass who can't be supportive. Here's to that. (He gets up and leaves) (SGH HOSPITAL GROUND FLOOR WAITING ROOM) (Weiss is sitting in one the chairs. Derek walks in) Derek: Weiss? Weiss: Don't talk to me. Keep walking. Derek: You should get some sleep. Sober up. So you're ready for Savvy's surgery. Come on I'll drive you. Weiss: I'm supposed to hold her hand while they rip her apart? That's the definition of love? (Derek sighs and sits down facing him) Derek: You can do this. Weiss: Maybe I can't. Maybe I'm just a guy who likes to screw his wife. Derek (shakes his head): Weiss. Weiss: And that's what she'll think if I'm not there. Derek: You're gonna be there. Weiss (chuckles): This is coming from a guy who packed his bags in the middle of the night and drove 3,000 miles to live in a trailer. Derek: Yeah well what am I doing with Addison now? Hmmm? I'm trying to work it out. I don't know am I out of my, my mind? I don't know. You tell me? ... It's about the ring. It's about the vows. Savvy didn't screw around with you with your best friend. She's looking for support. If you don't give that to her now, if you don't give her that support, then what the hell am I doing? (Weiss just shakes his head) (Meredith is walking out of Mrs. Sorrento's room. Mr. Sorrento is standing in front of the door about to enter with a cup of coffee) Jed: You didn't tell her, did you? Meredith: No. I didn't tell her. (He nods his thanks and walks in to the room with the coffee for his wife. She smiles and takes it. Meredith watches) (Seattle Scenes) (Meredith is sitting on a low concrete wall in what could possibly be the backyard to the townhouse. George is pacing up and down along the wall) George: I thought he cheated fate. Meredith: Maybe he did cheat fate. George: He died. Meredith: I think you can't wait for someone to fly underneath you and save your life. I think you have to save yourself. George: You mean the pigeons aren't going to come? Meredith: The pigeons aren't going to come. (Addison is sitting on Savvy's bed with a Polaroid camera taking photo's of Savvy who's sitting opposite her on the bed doing provocative poses with nothing but a red gown) Addison: Hold still. (She takes the photo and they both laugh) Savvy: Make sure you get both sides. Addison: Okay. Savvy (smiling): You know these are gonna be next year's holiday cards. (Addison laughs and takes another picture) I want them to be immortalized before they're gone. And this way Weiss gets to look at them whenever he wants. (Addison takes another picture) Addison: These are gonna be great. Savvy: We're scheduled to go in at 8? Addison: Yeah. I'm gonna take you down to the pre-op in just a few minutes. Savvy: Weiss will show up, Addie he always does. Addison (slightly teary): Sav. ... As your doctor you know I'm a 100% on your side but ... as your friend are you absolutely sure about this? Savvy (sighs): I know what I'm losing. I get it. But think about what I'm gaining. My life. This gives me a shot. A shot at the future. At shot at me and Weiss ... becoming this crazy old wrinkled couple that argues all the time. I mean, wouldn't you want that? A chance to grow old with Derek? Addison (teary): Yeah. ... Yeah I do. Savvy: Oh god. (She starts crying) Addison: Oh Sav. (Addison comforts her) MVO: Maybe Romeo & Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while. And then their time passed. (Izzie is sitting on a bench tying up her shoe laces in the deserted staff locker room. Alex walks into the room) MVO: If they could've known that beforehand maybe it would've all been ok. (Alex sits behind Izzie) Alex: Here's the thing. I like your rack. Izzie (interrupts standing up angry): What is wrong with you? Why do you have to be so ... What is wrong with you? (Alex pulls her down back onto the bench) Alex: I like your rack. And I'd want them around if I could have them, trust me I would. But it wouldn't be the end of the world if you got rid of them. Because really ... I'd want you. (Izzie slaps him across the face hard) Alex: Ow. Huh. What was that for? MVO: I told Mrs. Snyder that when I was growing up I'd take fate into my own hands. (Izzie grabs Alex's face and kisses him) MVO: I wouldn't let some guy drag me down. (Izzie gets up and smiles walking off) (Mrs. Sorrento is being wheeled to the elevator. Mr. Sorrento is beside her. Mrs. Sorrento gets up and they walk together arm in arm into the elevator. Camera pans to Meredith who is watching them from the next floor above) MVO: Mrs. Snyder said that I'd be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone. And that if I did, we'd be together forever. (Cristina & Burke are walking down a hall towards the same set of elevators. One of them dings open) Burke: I guess we never really got our date. Cristina: Are you kidding? That was the best date I've ever been on. (She gets onto the elevator smiling and the doors closes. Dr. Burke walks off grinning) MVO: Even now I believe for the most part love is about choices. (Savvy is lying on an operating table in the O.R. Addison is there as well prepping for the surgery. Derek walks in scrubbed up and walks up to Savvy. Savvy tries not to cry) Savvy: He's not coming is he? (Derek smiles with his eyes and moves to the side so you can see the door. Weiss walks in scrubbed up in dark blue scrubs up to Savvy) Weiss: You're shaking. Savvy (trying not to cry, happy): You're here. (Izzie is there as well prepped up. Addison takes a glance at Derek who looks back) MVO: It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending ... most of the time. Addison (to Izzie): I'm going to go ahead and get started now. (To Savvy) You ready? Savvy (smiling at Weiss): Yeah. Ready. (Weiss is holding Savvy's hand tightly) (Elevator dings open and Meredith is standing outside waiting to get on. She looks up and sees Derek by himself looking down leaning against the back wall of the elevator) MVO: And that sometimes despite all your best choices and all your best intentions, fate wins anyway. (He looks up and sees Meredith but is silent. Meredith walks in and turns around so she isn't facing him. The doors shut. There is a quiet silence) Meredith (softly): I miss you. (Derek perks up slightly at this. He stands up slowly and walks up to right behind Meredith and smells her hair. He pulls back but then slightly rests his head against hers briefly. Meredith closes her eyes at the contact. He moves close and whispers in her ear) Derek: I can't. (He walks out of the elevator. And the doors close on Meredith)
Plan: A: Addison Shepherd's professional relationship; Q: What is challenged when their friends from Manhattan come to Seattle Grace seeking a radical, preemptive operation to avoid breast and ovarian cancer? A: a radical, preemptive operation; Q: What do Derek and Addison Shepherd's friends want to avoid breast and ovarian cancer? A: George; Q: Who can't understand why a patient who fell five stories doesn't seem happy to have survived? A: an elderly gentleman; Q: Who makes a difficult decision upon learning that his wife has only a few months to live? A: a difficult decision; Q: What does an elderly gentleman make when he learns that his wife has only a few months to live? A: Burke; Q: Who is Cristina dating when she collapses in the restaurant? A: a "normal" date; Q: What do Cristina and Burke try to have? A: Bailey's fellowship decision; Q: What is Dr. Webber disappointed by? A: Bailey; Q: Who is pregnant? Summary: Derek and Addison Shepherd's professional relationship is challenged when their friends from Manhattan come to Seattle Grace seeking a radical, preemptive operation to avoid breast and ovarian cancer. Meanwhile, George can't understand why a patient who fell five stories doesn't seem happy to have survived, and an elderly gentleman makes a difficult decision upon learning that his wife has only a few months to live. Cristina and Burke try to have a "normal" date, but the event takes a change after someone collapses in the restaurant. Dr. Webber is disappointed by Bailey's fellowship decision -- until he learns her reason: that she is pregnant.
INVASION OF THE DINOSAURS BY: MALCOLM HULKE PART TWO 5:30pm - 5:55pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. LAND ROVER DOCTOR: And how was I to know it was detention centre transport? (SARAH laughs.) SARAH: Oh well, I can see us being locked up for months - sewing mail bags probably. I mean, let's face it - nobody's listened to us so far. (The vehicle suddenly stops, throwing the two slightly. There is a loud roaring sound. The two look at each other and move to the back from where they can peer through the tarpaulin cover.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. ROAD (They look in shock as they see a roaring Tyrannosaurus rearing up above the vehicle. The two soldiers jump out of the Land Rover and start to fire at the dinosaur. The bullets hit the reptile but they seem to have no effect. A few yards in front of the soldiers is an abandoned metal dust handcart. They run and take cover behind the cart and continue firing. Back at the Land Rover, the DOCTOR lets down the back hatch and they get out and run off. The soldiers, busy firing at the Tyrannosaurus don't notice their escape. One of the soldiers indicates to the other to take cover which he does. He then throws a grenade at the reptile. It explodes directly in front of it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. GARAGE (The DOCTOR and SARAH run into a garage and slam the door shut behind them. Within the darkened interior they rest to get their breath back as they hear the shots from the soldiers outside as they resume firing.) SARAH: (Gasps.) That thing - what was it? DOCTOR: A Tyrannosaurus Rex - the largest and fiercest predator of all time. (The DOCTOR looks out of the window.) SARAH: But...but those things died out millions of years ago? DOCTOR: Yeah, sixty-five million years ago, to be precise. (He looks round and spots a workbench within the tool filled room. Still handcuffed to SARAH, he half-pulls her to the bench...) SARAH: What...? (..and searches over it for something with which to free themselves from the handcuffs. They fail to notice that someone wearing furs is in the garage with them and watching from the shadows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. ROAD (Another grenade explodes in front of the Tyrannosaurus and it starts to retreat away back down the road, roaring as it goes. Once it is out of sight, the soldiers rise up from their cover of the dustcart and return to the Land Rover and get in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. LAND ROVER (The soldier in the passenger seat looks through into the back.) FIRST SOLDIER: They've gone! SECOND SOLDIER: Oh no! (The First Soldier clambers out to give chase.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. GARAGE (The DOCTOR clumsily picks the lock of the handcuff with a tool. It slips.) SARAH: Ow! DOCTOR: Sorry. (He succeeds and frees SARAH'S wrist which she shakes.) SARAH: Ooh! DOCTOR: There we are. (He throws the tool down.) DOCTOR: Right, now let's review the situation. A prehistoric monster's turned up in central London. (A mini is parked in the garage. SARAH goes over to try the doors...) SARAH: Well, how...how do you know it's only central London? (...but it is locked.) DOCTOR: Cos those soldiers were talking about the central zone, weren't they? SARAH: But where did that monster come from? DOCTOR: Ah, that's a very good question, Sarah. (SARAH fails to see that the figure dressed in furs and rags is still watching them.) SARAH: Suppose...suppose there was an egg, buried in the ground somewhere, and somehow or other it hatched out? DOCTOR: What - producing a sweet little baby monster? SARAH: Yes. (Thinks.) Ah...no. Now, how would it, er, grow to that size without anyone noticing it? DOCTOR: Perhaps somebody kept it as a pet and turned it out when it got too big to feed?! (SARAH sneers at his sarcasm.) SARAH: Oh! DOCTOR: Anyway, aren't you forgetting that Pterodactyl that attacked us in the warehouse? SARAH: I suppose you've got the explanation then? DOCTOR: Yes, as a matter of fact, I think I have. (The figure in the shadows makes a sudden rush for the door. The DOCTOR steps towards him.) DOCTOR: Hello, who are you? (The figure holds up a hand for protection and scream at the DOCTOR. He wears cloth leggings and a fur and leather jerkin. He has long unkempt black hair and a beard.) PEASANT: Back! Back, accursed wizard! DOCTOR: Wizard? I'm no wizard, I assure you. You've got no need to be frightened of me. (He takes another step forward and the man holds up a knife.) SARAH: Doctor! Be careful. (She puts out a hand. The DOCTOR stops and looks at the frightened man.) DOCTOR: How did you get here? PEASANT: The witch - she's cast a spell on me. I'll tell the priest and have her burned! DOCTOR: Yes, yes, of course. Look, do you know what year it is? SARAH: What's the name of the King? PEASANT: Well, Richard, of course. But he's in the Holy Land. John rules now. (The DOCTOR and SARAH look at each other.) PEASANT: Look, take the curse off me, wizard? Send me home? DOCTOR: I only wish I could. (The PEASANT'S pleading voice turns into a threatening tone.) PEASANT: Send me home. Send me home or you die! DOCTOR: I'm afraid I don't have that power. (The PEASANT roars and rushes at the DOCTOR. He grabs his knife arm and the two men start to struggle. SARAH runs behind the man, grabbing him round the neck and pulling him off the DOCTOR. Suddenly, a high-pitched whine is heard. A reddish ray emanates from the PEASANT and SARAH and they both freeze as the man tries to plunge the knife down. As the seemingly unaffected DOCTOR watches in fascination, time seems to run backwards. SARAH'S run behind the man goes backwards until the PEASANT is once more stood against the garage door and she is watching him. He then fades away and both the reddish rays and the whining sound vanish. SARAH shakes her head and looks round her in astonishment. She sees the DOCTOR is still lying where the struggle took place - on the garage bench and deep in thought.) SARAH: Well...what happened? He...he was going to kill you. (The DOCTOR suddenly sits up.) DOCTOR: Fascinating! Absolutely fascinating! That was a time eddy. For a moment there, time went backwards. SARAH: What? (They suddenly hear the sound of an approaching and stopping vehicle. SARAH runs to the garage door and peers out.) SARAH: Soldiers - they're searching! (As they hear the sound of booted footsteps and calls, the DOCTOR starts to look round.) SARAH: They're coming nearer! DOCTOR: Can you bolt that door? SARAH: No! (The DOCTOR listens at the door as footsteps approach. He somewhat roughly pushes SARAH to one side.) DOCTOR: Back! (They both stand either side of the door with their backs pressed up against the wall. The door is thrown open and the DOCTOR raises an arm with a cry to deliver a blow. The arrival though is the BRIGADIER. The DOCTOR lowers his arm, laughing and in embarrassment.) DOCTOR: Bri...Brigadier! (SARAH sighs with relief as the BRIGADIER puts his gun away.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What do you think you're doing, Doctor? [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM (The DOCTOR and SARAH have been taken to UNIT'S temporary HQ. BENTON hands out mugs of tea as the BRIGADIER starts to explain the situation with a jibe...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It all started just after you, Doctor, and as we later discovered, Miss Smith, went off on your last little jaunt. SARAH: We were helping you, and if you knew what we'd been through...! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, some other time, Miss Smith, if you don't mind? (SARAH pulls a face as the DOCTOR puts four spoonfuls of sugar into his tea.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: A variety of prehistoric reptiles began to appear in the central London area. There was, as you can imagine, considerable panic and some loss of life. DOCTOR: How many of these things have been seen up to now? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, the pins the sighting... (BENTON tactlessly interrupts as he explains the map.) SERGEANT BENTON: It's a colour code, Doctor. We're using red pins for Tyrannosaurus, blue for Triceratops, green for the Stegosaurus and pink for your actual Pterodactyl. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Acidly.) Thank you, Benton. We soon realised that these creatures only appeared in central London. We therefore evacuated the entire area and set up this temporary HQ, which as you can see from the map, is on the periphery of the zone. SARAH: You've evacuated everybody? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Eight million people. I'm happy to say the evacuation was carried out without a hitch. Course, the criminal element has been taking advantage of the situation. SARAH: Looters, you mean - like those people we met? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: There's been quite a bit of that, I'm afraid. But we're keeping them under control. (The DOCTOR taps the side of his mug with the spoon and throws it down. He speaks with some sarcasm.) DOCTOR: Well, that's absolutely marvellous, Brigadier. Now what're you doing about the real problem? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, as soon as these creatures appear, we make sure that they're contained within the evacuated zone, and don't wander off into populated areas. DOCTOR: Well having contained them, what do you do then? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ah, well that's where you come in, Doctor. So far we've absolutely no idea where they're coming from...or come to that, where they go. SARAH: Where they go? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, that's one of the few good things about the entire situation. According to my patrols, they seem to...vanish - just disappear. No one sees 'em come, no one sees 'em go. SARAH: But things that size, w...where could they go? DOCTOR: Well, that's pretty obvious, isn't it, Sarah? SARAH: Mmm? DOCTOR: Back where they came from - into the past. (The door opens and GENERAL FINCH and CAPTAIN YATES walk in. The soldiers stand to attention.) GENERAL FINCH: Alright, Brigadier, you can have your extra patrols. (FINCH waves OGDEN back down to his seat at the radio.) GENERAL FINCH: But I warn you, I shall expect results. (The DOCTOR walks round the table and, completely ignoring FINCH, shakes YATES' hand.) DOCTOR: Mike, my dear fellow, how are you? CAPTAIN YATES: (Smiles.) Doctor... DOCTOR: Good to see you again. GENERAL FINCH: (To YATES, puzzled.) Who's this? (The BRIGADIER steps forward.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Er, sir, this is the Doctor - our scientific advisor. GENERAL FINCH: (Coldly.) Ohh...we've been waiting for you, you know? May I ask where you've been? DOCTOR: Certainly. (He walks away without another word. There is a silence.) GENERAL FINCH: Well? DOCTOR: You can ask but I don't guarantee that you'll get a reply. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: D...Doctor, this is General Finch. He's in overall charge of the entire operation. DOCTOR: (Smiles.) Oh, is he indeed? (Trying to be more diplomatic, the DOCTOR returns to FINCH with his hand held out.) DOCTOR: How do you do, General? (FINCH ignores the gesture and glares at the DOCTOR who gives up and sits on the edge of the table.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The Doctor's already come up with a most interesting theory, sir. He believes these creatures are coming to us from the past. GENERAL FINCH: (Sarcastically.) Hmm! Very interesting - how? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, erm...Doctor? DOCTOR: Oh, somebody or something is operating a temporal displacement on a very vast scale. GENERAL FINCH: Never mind your scientific gobbledygook... DOCTOR: The creatures are being brought from the past into the present, General, staying here for a while and then returning to their own time. GENERAL FINCH: Rubbish! (The DOCTOR'S own tone and manner grow colder.) DOCTOR: I take it then that you have a better theory? GENERAL FINCH: Yes. Some mad scientist fellow has been secretly breeding these things. Now they've all got away. SARAH: Ah, no, General, now I thought that, but if you think about... GENERAL FINCH: (Sharply.) Who's this? SARAH: Oh, Sarah Jane Smith, how do you do? (FINCH cuts her dead and turns to YATES.) GENERAL FINCH: Civilians are not allowed in this zone. Have her evacuated immediately. (The DOCTOR crosses to SARAH.) DOCTOR: Er, Miss Smith is presently acting as my assistant, General. (To SARAH.) You were saying, my dear? SARAH: Well, we've just met a man from the past - a peasant from the age of King John. (The GENERAL exclaims scornfully.) SARAH: No, honestly, General - it's true! GENERAL FINCH: I'm not staying here to listen to this rubbish. (He heads for the door but YATES gently intercedes.) CAPTAIN YATES: I think you'll find it is worth listening to the Doctor, sir. He's given us a great deal of help in the past. (FINCH seems to listen to YATES more than he does to the others. He turns back as OGDEN finishes taking a radio message.) PRIVATE OGDEN: (Into radio.) Okay, out. (To BENTON.) Sergeant? Another sighting. (He passes him a slip of paper.) SERGEANT BENTON: Oh, thank you, Ogden. (BENTON heads to the map with the paper.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Where is it, Benton? SERGEANT BENTON: Section five, sir. (He points to the map.) SERGEANT BENTON: Somewhere here. GENERAL FINCH: Send for the artillery right away. We shall need field guns. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sir. DOCTOR: You'll do no such thing, Brigadier. GENERAL FINCH: (Sharply.) I'll thank you to stop interfering... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) General... (He stands over the soldier and speaks softly.) DOCTOR: We need to study this creature, not shoot at it. How much do you think we'll learn from a dead dinosaur? (The GENERAL stares at him.) DOCTOR: Come on, Brigadier. I want you to take me down there right away. (He leads the BRIGADIER out. The GENERAL watches them go with contempt in his eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. INDUSTRIAL UNIT (A UNIT CORPORAL and two soldiers stand nervously next to their jeep looking at an industrial building. The BRIGADIER'S jeep draws up and the CORPORAL moves to greet his superior officer as he and the DOCTOR get out.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Alright, where is it? UNIT CORPORAL: It's behind that building, sir. I've put an observer up on the roof keeping track of it. (They look up to see a fourth soldier on the roof who suddenly points downwards, signalling to a point obscured by the building and then indicating with a wave of his hand that the people on the ground should move back. The DOCTOR does the opposite.) UNIT CORPORAL: (To the BRIGADIER.) It's coming this way, sir! (The BRIGADIER holds the DOCTOR'S arm to stop him advancing any further.) DOCTOR: Good grief! It's a Stegosaurus! (At the corner of the building stands a huge greenish reptile, a double row of diamond-shaped plates sticking upwards out of it spine. It roars gently at the humans but makes no movement towards them.) DOCTOR: (Admiringly.) Splendid specimen. (The CORPORAL raises his gun but the DOCTOR knocks it back down.) DOCTOR: No, no, don't shoot! I want to take a good look at it. (The DOCTOR walks towards the reptile.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Be careful, Doctor! DOCTOR: Don't worry, Brigadier, it's a vegetarian. (Nevertheless, the DOCTOR doesn't move too closely to the Stegosaurus. The large reptile and the smaller humanoid stand in contemplation of each other.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM (CAPTAIN YATES drinks from a mug as he chats to SARAH who sits on the table next to him.) CAPTAIN YATES: Well, after all that business in Wales with the giant maggots, I had to have a spot of leave. Suppose it was a reaction really? SARAH: Oof! I'm not surprised. (She gets up and walks over to the window, looking at the deserted streets outside.) CAPTAIN YATES: As soon as I get back, of course, all this business blows up. SARAH: It's weird seeing London like this - all those deserted streets. (CAPTAIN YATES has a faintly dream-like look on his face as he smiles.) CAPTAIN YATES: I rather like it. (BENTON walks past.) SERGEANT BENTON: Excuse me, sir. PRIVATE OGDEN: (Into radio.) Trap two, over. CAPTAIN YATES: (To SARAH.) Have you noticed the air? SARAH: Mmm? CAPTAIN YATES: It's clean - no cars, no people. Do you know yesterday I saw a fox in Piccadilly? SARAH: And nightingales in Berkeley Square? (She laughs, but YATES appears to take the idea seriously, indeed with some passion.) CAPTAIN YATES: It's not impossible. (The smile disappears off SARAH'S face.) SARAH: No...no, I like London the way it was, traffic jams and all. CAPTAIN YATES: (Quickly.) Yes, I expect you're right. (He makes it clear from his attitude that the conversation is finished. SARAH looks at him with some puzzlement.) PRIVATE OGDEN: (Into radio.) Okay, out. (To YATES.) Sir? Message from spotter control, sir. (He carries the message paper over to YATES.) PRIVATE OGDEN: The Doctor and the Brigadier have arrived. (To SARAH.) Oh, and the Doctor now has the monster under close observation, miss. SARAH: (Unimpressed.) Hmm! [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. INDUSTRIAL UNIT (The DOCTOR finishes his "close observation" and returns to the BRIGADIER and the soldiers.) DOCTOR: Right, we'll need some rope and a strong net. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Amazed.) You intend to capture it? DOCTOR: Yes, of course. I want to observe it under laboratory conditions. (To the CORPORAL.) Have you got any rope? UNIT CORPORAL: We've got some towing rope, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Amazed.) You're going to tie it up? DOCTOR: That's my intention, yes. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Alright, Corporal, carry on. UNIT CORPORAL: Right, sir. (The CORPORAL moves to the jeep to get the rope.) DOCTOR: That creature has an amiable disposition, Brigadier, and a brain about the size of a walnut. I think we should be able to deal with it, don't you? (The CORPORAL returns with another soldier. They have lengths of rope slung over their shoulders.) UNIT CORPORAL: The rope, sir. (The DOCTOR walks back to the Stegosaurus.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To the CORPORAL.) Well, of all the lunatic schemes. Alright then, let's give him a hand. (The three soldiers take one pace forward but suddenly the high-pitched whine starts and they freeze into immobility as they are enveloped in the reddish rays. The reptile also stops moving. Once more, only the DOCTOR is unaffected. He turns and watches as the BRIGADIER and the soldiers take one pace backwards and then the reptile fades away. The whine and the rays fade leaving a very puzzled BRIGADIER.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It's gone! (The DOCTOR moves back to them.) UNIT CORPORAL: It must have gone round the corner, sir. Should we go after it? DOCTOR: (Ruefully.) It's alright, Corporal, don't bother. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. SCHOOL CLASSROOM (Back at the temporary HQ, BENTON and SARAH watch as the DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER report back to a disbelieving GENERAL FINCH. YATES stands at his shoulder.) GENERAL FINCH: Disappeared? You mean you disappeared when it got too close? DOCTOR: No, sir. GENERAL FINCH: Then what happened? How did you lose it? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I've no idea, sir. One moment we were discussing the possibility of capturing it and the next, it had gone. (The GENERAL tuts and sneers.) GENERAL FINCH: Vanished into thin air, I suppose? DOCTOR: Yes, General Finch. That is precisely what happened. GENERAL FINCH: (To the BRIGADIER.) Did you see this happen? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, not exactly. DOCTOR: The Brigadier and his men couldn't see what happened, sir - they were temporally affected by a time eddy. GENERAL FINCH: A what? DOCTOR: Whenever a creature appears or disappears, the temporal displacement causes a localised distortion in time. Now as far as the people in the immediate vicinity were concerned, time literally runs backwards, so naturally, they'd have no recollection of what had occurred. GENERAL FINCH: (To YATES.) The man's mad! Temporal displacement! Time travel is impossible - we all know that. SARAH: I've travelled through time, General. The Doctor knows what he's talking about. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sir, suppose we accept the Doctor's theory, for the purposes of discussion? (To the DOCTOR.) What happens next? DOCTOR: Well, we must capture one of the creatures. (He walks over to the map.) GENERAL FINCH: And what good will that do? DOCTOR: Well, I think a study of one of these dinosaurs, General, might lead me to the source. CAPTAIN YATES: It couldn't be a natural phenomenon, could it, Doctor? Something going wrong with time? DOCTOR: Then why are they contained to this one area? These giant reptiles existed all over the planet, Mike. They'd be popping up everywhere. SARAH: Doctor, what about that man we saw in the garage? DOCTOR: Well, I think he was an accident. Whoever's responsible for these apparitions, General, is operating from somewhere in this area. (He taps the map of central London.) CAPTAIN YATES: You're overlooking one thing - this whole zone has been evacuated. DOCTOR: Well, that's where you're wrong, Mike. Someone's there and whoever it is is using vast amounts of power. (The GENERAL stares at the floor, listening intently.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: But all power's been cut off in central London - just minimal emergency supplies. DOCTOR: Then someone, Brigadier, is making their own! [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. CONTROL ROOM (Some distance away, a range of power figures is displayed on a small monitor. A youngish man with blond hair and wearing a white lab coat over a smart suit writes on a clipboard and reports to an older man - PROFESSOR WHITAKER. He has a thin face, thinning black hair, wears glasses, also has a lab coat and is economic with movement and speech. He sits at a central control desk, absorbed in his tasks.) BUTLER: Power output holding steady. PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Good. (The darkened room is filled with electronic equipment, monitors, computers and control panels. The younger man - BUTLER - starts to flick switches on a wall control panel.) BUTLER: The next time transference is due in one hour, Professor. PROFESSOR WHITAKER: It may have to wait. (BUTLER turns in controlled surprise to WHITAKER.) BUTLER: One must maintain the time transference on schedule. The sequence has been carefully calculated. PROFESSOR WHITAKER: (Quietly.) How can I be expected to work on the main project when I have these constant distractions? BUTLER: Well these distractions have emptied London for us. We must keep the authorities off balance. PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Very well, Butler, but it will not be my responsibility if the countdown is delayed. (BUTLER sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY (The DOCTOR has set up his own laboratory within one of the school's science rooms. With a small soldering iron, he works on a futuristic-looking weapon of his design. It has a vague gun-like appearance and is filled with electronic circuitry. YATES sits next to him, watching carefully.) CAPTAIN YATES: Do you really think you can knock out a dinosaur with that thing? DOCTOR: Naturally. CAPTAIN YATES: How? DOCTOR: By a simple molecular reaction. (He starts to rifle through a number of parts on the bench in front of him.) CAPTAIN YATES: I see. DOCTOR: I doubt it. The principle hasn't really been developed on Earth yet. (Not finding what he wants, he moves to another bench with parts laid on top.) CAPTAIN YATES: But what exactly will it do? DOCTOR: Well, temporarily neutralise creatures' brain cells. CAPTAIN YATES: I didn't think these creatures had any brains? DOCTOR: All animals have brains of some sort, Mike. (He returns to his device and carries on working.) CAPTAIN YATES: What'll happen to the dinosaur when you switch this thing on? DOCTOR: It'll faint. CAPTAIN YATES: And what will you do with your monster when you've got it? DOCTOR: Well, surround it with an electrical field and wait for it to disappear. CAPTAIN YATES: And what'll that tell you? DOCTOR: Well, the source of the power that is moving these creatures through time. CAPTAIN YATES: Will you get an accurate fix? DOCTOR: Mmm, pretty accurate - enough for the Brigadier and his merry men to round up the guilty parties anyway. CAPTAIN YATES: Jolly good, Doctor. Well I think I'd better let you get on with it. DOCTOR: Yes, that would be helpful. (YATES is about to leave but SARAH bursts in.) SARAH: Doctor? Listen, Doctor, that General Finch is being impossible. (The journalist in her comes out as she immediately notices the DOCTOR'S device.) SARAH: What are you making? DOCTOR: (Frustrated.) Oh no! Look, ask Captain Yates, there's a good girl. CAPTAIN YATES: Can I help you, Miss Smith? SARAH: Er, yes, a...that wretched General of yours - he's trying to have me evacuated. CAPTAIN YATES: (Smiles.) You're a ci...civilian. You've got no official status. SARAH: Oh, nonsense! I'm the Doctor's assistant, aren't I, Doctor? DOCTOR: (Not listening.) Mmm? Yes, yes, anything you like. SARAH: (To YATES.) There you are. CAPTAIN YATES: Tell you what - I'll fix you up with a temporary pass, but just stay out of sight of General Finch. 'Scuse me. SARAH: Yes, thank you. (He leaves. SARAH returns to her investigation of the DOCTOR'S work.) SARAH: What did you say that thing is? DOCTOR: I didn't. SARAH: Can I help at all? DOCTOR: No. SARAH: Oh, come on, Doctor. I'm supposed to be your assistant. There must be something I can do. DOCTOR: Well, there is. SARAH: What? (He looks up from his work.) DOCTOR: Go away. SARAH: Oh. Alright. I'll go and chat up that nice Captain Yates. DOCTOR: Yeah, I'm sure he'll enjoy that. (She laughs and walks out of the door.) SARAH: I'll leave you in peace then! (The DOCTOR hurriedly shuts and locks the door she has just left by. However the room has two doors and the BRIGADIER chooses that moment to come in by the other.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ah, there you are, Doctor - now what are you up to? (The DOCTOR, driven to distraction, clamps his hands to his head and looks as though he is about to scream.) DOCTOR: Oh no! [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. CONTROL ROOM (PROFESSOR WHITAKER looks at a small computer print-out and moves over to a control panel. BUTLER walks in, smiles and leans on a control unit.) BUTLER: Our friend from UNIT is here. PROFESSOR WHITAKER: (Surprised.) What? He has strict instructions never to come here. BUTLER: He says there's some kind of an emergency, he must see you. (WHITAKER considers.) PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Alright, bring him in. (BUTLER raises an eyebrow and leaves to escort their visitor in. WHITAKER sighs. A moment later, BUTLER returns.) PROFESSOR WHITAKER: What is it? (The new arrival is CAPTAIN YATES!) CAPTAIN YATES: I'm sorry, Professor, but I thought I'd better warn you... [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY (The DOCTOR also has a visitor who is escorted into the science room by the BRIGADIER. The new arrival is a distinguished looking man wearing a suit and overcoat and carrying an umbrella.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: This is the Doctor, sir, our scientific advisor. Doctor, this is the Right Honourable Charles Grover, Minister with special powers. (The DOCTOR, jeweller's eyeglass fitted, remains absorbed in his task. GROVER does not seem insulted by the behaviour.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I do apologise for the interruption, Doctor. I realise how busy you are. DOCTOR: (Not looking up.) Well, I'm glad somebody does. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I understand you may be able to help us find a solution to this crisis? DOCTOR: (Not looking up.) Yes, I sincerely hope so. (Suddenly the DOCTOR looks up at the man, takes out the eyeglass and starts to take an interest.) DOCTOR: Aren't you the chap who started the "Save planet Earth" society? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I had something to do with it. DOCTOR: You also wrote that book - "Last chance for man", didn't you? CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Yes, that's right. (The DOCTOR puts down his tools, smiles and walks over to shake GROVER'S hand.) DOCTOR: Oh, my dear Grover, I'm delighted to meet you. This planet needs people like you. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, of course. You two have a great deal in common. The Doctor's very keen on this anti-pollution business. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: And so should you be, Brigadier. It affects all our lives. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, quite, sir, quite. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Now I mustn't keep you, Doctor, I just wanted to make your acquaintance. DOCTOR: Oh, nonsense, nonsense, no need to rush away. Come over here, let me explain to you what I'm doing. (The BRIGADIER retains his temper at this sudden show of hypocritical courtesy as GROVER is led over to the bench.) DOCTOR: Now then, in the first place... [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. CONTROL ROOM (YATES has told WHITAKER of the DOCTOR'S intentions...) PROFESSOR WHITAKER: That's absolute nonsense. There's no way he can find us. CAPTAIN YATES: If the Doctor says he can do it, I believe him. He's probably the greatest scientist on this planet. PROFESSOR WHITAKER: That is a matter of opinion. BUTLER: (To WHITAKER.) You realise what'll happen if he's right? It'll be the end of Operation Golden Age - everything we've planned will be ruined. (WHITAKER thinks.) PROFESSOR WHITAKER: (To YATES.) Very well, if he's such a danger to us, you will have to deal with him. CAPTAIN YATES: How? PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Well, you're the soldier. CAPTAIN YATES: I'll do nothing to harm the Doctor, nor will I allow him to be harmed. If we descend to that sort of thing, we're no better than the society we intend to replace. PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Captain Yates, I respect your principles but if the Doctor succeeds in capturing a dinosaur then the whole project may be jeopardised. BUTLER: But what can we do? (WHITAKER looks up at YATES.) PROFESSOR WHITAKER: You must sabotage the Doctor's stun gun. (YATES' face betrays his shock.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY (GROVER looks over the finished device. Blue and silver in colour, it has two barrels at the front, a central round vertical unit from which a power lead emerges and a standard shoulder rest at the rear.) CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Mmm hmm. Well, I admire your courage, Doctor. I only hope it works. (The DOCTOR smiles and nods.) DOCTOR: I think it will. (He takes the weapon from GROVER and takes it over to the BRIGADIER who sits waiting at a nearby desk.) DOCTOR: All we need now is a dinosaur to try it out on. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We're doing our best to get you one, Doctor. All my spotter patrols are on maximum alert. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Tell me, Doctor, have you any theories as to why all this is happening? DOCTOR: Yes. I believe these dinosaurs are being used purely as a terror weapon in order to clear central London. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: But why? DOCTOR: Well, presumably, so that some vast project can be carried out - something for which people will get in the way. CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Yes, but why London? Who not the Yorkshire moors or the highlands of Scotland? DOCTOR: Why indeed? Well, there must be some overriding reason. There must be something that they need that's only available to them here. (BENTON walks in and up to the BRIGADIER.) SERGEANT BENTON: Sir, they've spotted one. Section twelve - power station. The Chief Engineer said if we don't remove it quickly, he'll have to switch off. (The BRIGADIER leaves the room.) DOCTOR: Any idea what kind it is? SERGEANT BENTON: Er, Pato-something? DOCTOR: (To GROVER.) Apatosaurus, commonly known as the Brontosaurus - large, placid and stupid. That's exactly what we need. (The DOCTOR collects his weapon as the BRIGADIER pokes his head round the door.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Transport standing by, Doctor. DOCTOR: Will you excuse us, Minister? I'll let you know as soon as we've captured it. Come on, Brigadier. (They walk out leaving GROVER alone.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. CONTROL ROOM (WHITAKER hands a small metallic disc to YATES.) PROFESSOR WHITAKER: There you are, Captain Yates. Attach this device to the Doctor's stun gun and it will be rendered completely ineffective. [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. POWER SUB-STATION (At a small power sub-station, a large Brontosaurus stands somewhat confused between two buildings. UNIT troops have the creature under observation as a jeep with CAPTAIN YATES draws up. The UNIT CORPORAL moves forward to meet him.) CAPTAIN YATES: Where is it? UNIT CORPORAL: It's round that corner, sir. (As YATES gets out of the vehicle, the BRIGADIER drives the DOCTOR up in another jeep. YATES moves over to them and points at the corner of the building.) CAPTAIN YATES: It's round there. DOCTOR: Jolly good. Right, let's go and take a look at it. (He gets out and walks towards the place indicated. The waiting troops stand to attention and both the DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER salute as they pass. YATES eyes the stun-gun in the back of the jeep.) UNIT CORPORAL: Right, Collins, put this back there. SOLDIER: Right, Corporal. (The Soldier reverses YATES' jeep back out of the way as the CAPTAIN joins the BRIGADIER and the DOCTOR at the corner where they stand observing the dinosaur.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You sure this is the kind you want, Doctor? It's rather large. DOCTOR: The bigger, the better, Brigadier. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Really, why is that? DOCTOR: Well, the larger the mass, the greater the temporal displacement for my instruments to measure. CAPTAIN YATES: Doctor, suppose this gadget of yours doesn't work? DOCTOR: Then I shall simply turn round and come back - feeling rather foolish. CAPTAIN YATES: Isn't that thing dangerous? DOCTOR: Not unless it's roused, Captain Yates. Mind you I wouldn't like to try it on a Tyrannosaurus Rex. (The BRIGADIER and the DOCTOR move away and the BRIGADIER barks out an order to the soldiers.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, bring the Doctor's, erm...that thing in my jeep. Bring it over here. (Before the CORPORAL can move...) CAPTAIN YATES: It's alright, Corporal. I'll get it. UNIT CORPORAL: Sir. (YATES runs over to the jeep. He checks that he is not being watched and then attaches the metal disc under the barrels of the gun.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We'll be ready with covering fire. DOCTOR: That won't be necessary. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Just in case, Doctor. (To the soldiers.) Stand by! (YATES returns with the stun gun and its power pack as the soldiers get into position. They set up a small grenade launcher and the BRIGADIER stands with them as the DOCTOR walks down by the side of the sub-station behind a small set of railings with his gun ready. Not noticing the disc, the DOCTOR crouches down, makes a small adjustment to a control on the gun and aims at the Brontosaurus. He fires but there is absolutely no reaction. He looks over the gun in puzzlement and pushes the power lead in further. He then checks his power pack as the BRIGADIER watches in impatience and YATES with some trepidation. As the DOCTOR aims again, the whining sound starts up. The Brontosaurus freezes and the red rays emanate from it. It fades away. The DOCTOR sighs with frustration but suddenly spins round as he hears a loud roar behind him. A Tyrannosaurus has been materialised and looms over the DOCTOR. He swiftly aims his stun-gun at it and tries firing again and again but with no result.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Fire! (The troops start to launch the grenades at the new arrival as it swoops down towards the DOCTOR...)
Plan: A: The Doctor and Sarah returns; Q: Who returns to present day Earth? A: London; Q: What city has been evacuated? A: Dinosaurs; Q: What are on the loose? A: looters; Q: What are the dinosaurs mistaken for? A: U.N.I.T; Q: Who does The Doctor and Sarah assist in the emergency? A: Sir Charles Grover MP; Q: Who is the corrupt politician that The Doctor and Sarah discover? A: renegade scientists; Q: What is Butler and Professor Whitaker? A: General Finch; Q: Who is the military officer who is using a time machine to bring dinosaurs from the past to the present? A: the human race; Q: What is Sir Charles Grover trying to bring back to a "Golden Age"? A: the world; Q: What is being polluted by the dinosaurs? Summary: The Doctor and Sarah returns to present-day Earth, where they find London has been evacuated, and Dinosaurs are on the loose and they are mistaken for looters. Assisting U.N.I.T in the emergency, The Doctor and Sarah discovers corrupt politician Sir Charles Grover MP, renegade scientists Butler and Professor Whitaker and military officer General Finch are using a time machine to bring the dinosaurs from the past to the present as part of they scheme to bring the human race back to a "Golden Age" before the world was polluted.
[Scene: On the set of TV show "Chit Chat This & That". Phoebe is a guest host there, interviewing Nina Halter.] Phoebe: Today we're going to be talking about the five minute orgasm. A new book written by Nina Halter. Hi, Nina, welcome. Nina: Thank you, and it's an honour to be on your show, Phoebe. Phoebe: Oh, you're gonna get me in trouble. It's not my show, I'm just the guest host. Nina: Oh, well, I'm sorry, I've been watching all week and I love, love, love your topics. So provocative. Phoebe: Thank you very much. And speaking of provocative, we should probably talk about this book here of yours. Nina: It's wonderful, isn't it. Phoebe: Well, to be honest with you, I haven't been able to read the whole thing because I haven't had time, but I love the title. "The Five Minute Orgasm", amazing. Okay, so I guess the first question would be, why only five minutes? I mean, don't you think that's rushing it a bit? Nina: You misunderstood. It's not about having one in five minutes, it's about having an orgasm for five minutes. Phoebe: Oh, oh, well. Is this my copy? Nina: Uh-huh. (Phoebe giggles.) Phoebe: Okay. So, uh, let's just cut to the chase here and I'm gonna ask you, how does one experience this phenomenon? Nina: Well, it's really quite simple really... [Cut the the manor. Conservatory. The television is turned on.] Nina: (on TV) First... (The television turns off. Piper and a demon are there. The demon has created a hole in the floor which is sucking everything into it, including the TV. Piper is hanging onto the door frame. She tries to blow him up with one hand but instead blows up a vase of flowers.) Piper: Chris! (Chris orbs in.) Chris: Piper, let's go. Piper: No, Wyatt's upstairs. Just go get my sisters. [Cut to the "Chit Chat This and That" set.] Phoebe: This is just fascinating stuff. (Chris orbs in near by.) Um, I have to ask you, does it work for guys too? (Chris waves his arms around trying to get Phoebe's attention.) Nina: Well, there is a technique but it's quite dangerous. Phoebe: Dangerous? Really? (Chris gives up and orbs out.) [Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Piper blows up the chandelier above the demon and it lands on him. He falls to the floor and the hole in the floor closes up. The demon gets up and runs through the house.] Piper: Oh, no you don't! (Piper chases after the demon and he runs into the dining room. He opens the hole back up and Piper quickly grabs onto the stairs railing.) [Cut to a retirement village. Many elderly people are sitting around watching another elderly man perform a magic act. Paige is lying in box which the man is trying to cut in half. His assistant, an elderly woman wearing a short red dress is standing beside him. Chris orbs in near by.] Charlie the Magician: I don't understand it. This trick worked in '68. Mrs. Rawls the Assistant: You forgot the saws, dear. Charlie: Forgot the what? Paige: It's okay, I got you covered. (Paige orbs the saws in the centre of the box. The elderly magician pulls the box in two so Paige's head is sticking out of one and her feet are sticking out of the other. The elderly people applaud. Paige looks over at Chris. He orbs out.) [Cut to the manor. Piper loses her grip and starts getting sucked into the hole. She tries to blow up the demon and grazes his shoulder. The hole closes and he disappears.] Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Chris are there. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are cleaning up the huge mess. Chris is looking through the Book of Shadows.] Phoebe: So wait, a vortex did all of this? Piper: Vortex, whirlpool, I don't know, whatever. Paige: Well, if it was a whirlpool, there'd probably be some water. Chris: The fineries of what almost killed Piper aren't important. The point is she was almost killed and no one was here to help. Paige: You're right, I'm sorry, I was kind of tied up... or cut in half. Phoebe: And I was interviewing the most fascinating woman. Piper: Oh, the orgasm lady. That show was great, at least what I saw of it until the TV was sucked into oblivion. I hope you brought home that book. Phoebe: Mm-hm. Chris: Piper, doesn't it bother you had to vanquish that demon alone? Piper: Yeah, well, sure, but, you know, we all have lives which is why I need this place cleaned up before my guests arrive. Paige: Who's coming? Piper: Mary has designed a fashion line and she wants to show us all. Paige: I love clothes. Chris: Not so fast, we've got a demon to hunt. If I could just find him in here. Piper: Okay, but regardless of what you find in there, I'm gonna hang out with my friends because I will have a normal life if it kills me. (She slams down her hands on her thighs.) Ow. (She looks at her bandaged hand.) Phoebe: Piper, why don't you have Leo heal that when he comes to pick up Wyatt. Piper: Because I don't need magic to heal a cut. Paige: I'd use magic for everything if I could. Piper: Well, if I had done this fighting a demon, that would be one thing. But I did it in the kitchen. The chef did it in the kitchen, so that person will wear this bandage for the shame of it all. Chris: Well, this book is not going to help us. But I've seen vortexes like that before. (Paige puts a huge bunch of roses on the table.) Paige: You know, this job would be so much easier if there weren't so many roses. Piper: What's with all the roses? Phoebe: I think Jason thinks that he's losing me. And as an empath, I don't know who's feeling what anymore and I just, I have my guard up. Chris: You should be aware that these vortexes suck their victims into pocket realms of alternate realities. Paige: You know, sometimes guys can be funny like that, you know. The more you pull away, the more they come back at you. Phoebe: Yeah, but I'm not pulling away, I really like him. Chris: Dangerous alternate realities, people. Based on fantasies, desires, dreams. Piper: So stop worrying about it and let him wine and dine you. I mean, a little wooing never killed anyone. Chris: But a demon can, so can we please, please, let's focus. Piper, you were almost sent to another world, that takes serious magic. Paige: Magic. Brilliant idea. "Let the object of objection become but a dream, as I cause the seen to be unseen." (The mess orbs away.) Well, call me butter 'cause I'm on a roll. Piper: Wow, that's much better, thanks Paige. Paige: Yep, well, gotta get back to the temp job. Don't know how much longer those old folks are gonna be alive. (Paige heads for the door.) Phoebe: And I'll walk you out because I have to meet Jason for lunch. (Phoebe follows Paige.) Chris: No! No, no, no. We have a demon to hunt, get back here. Paige: See you later, Chris. Phoebe: We'll talk about it later. (Phoebe and Paige leave. Piper walks over to Chris and leans on his shoulder.) Piper: You are our new favourite Whitelighter and all, but you need to lighten up. Chris: No, you three need to get serious, because if you keep putting your personal lives before your wiccan duties, you're gonna pay for it. Piper: Maybe so, but not today. I scared away the demon, he's not coming back, I have friends coming, and I also have chocolate chip cookies in the oven. (Piper leaves the room. Chris turns to Wyatt.) Chris: It's your fault I have to do this now. (Chris orbs out.) [Cut to a cave. The vortex demon is there groaning and tucking towels under his shirt on his wound. Chris orbs in.] Demon: You! Chris: Wait, before you... (The demon opens the vortex and Chris is sucked into it. Chris orbs out just before it closes. He orbs back in beside the demon.) Would you just relax? I didn't come here to vanquish you. Demon: How did you find me here? No one's ever been to my lair. Chris: I don't have to find you, Gith, I know you. I'm from the future. I came here to give you what you want. The Charmed Ones. [Scene: Restaurant. Phoebe and Jason are sitting at a table.] Jason: So I'm sitting there in the middle of this board meeting and I completely lose all concentration because all I could think about is you. It's like they were speaking a foreign language. Phoebe: Well, you were in Hong Kong. Jason: Point is I flew straight back. Phoebe: So you could regain your concentration? Jason: To concentrate on you. Phoebe: Well, I will try to keep your mind from wandering? Jason: So what's it gonna be tonight? Box seats at La Bohme or backstage with Metallica? (A woman walks up to them holding a book.) Woman: Phoebe. Oh my god, I'm sorry. Could you? (She hands Phoebe her book.) Phoebe: Yeah, absolutely. (Phoebe signs her book.) Woman: I've been watching you on TV all week. You are huge. Phoebe: Oh, well, the TV does add ten pounds. Woman: Oh, no, no, no. (She laughs.) I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that at all. (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: I know what you meant. (She hands the book back.) Woman: Thank you. Bye. (The woman leaves.) Jason: She's right, you know. You could be huge. Phoebe: I'm taping my last show today. Jason: It doesn't have to end. I own TV stations all around the world. Phoebe: Are you offering me the world, Jason Dean? Jason: Yes. All except Kazakhstan, I don't have stations there. Phoebe: Look, I appreciate you hopping on your jet to see me and the roses, all ten dozen of them. And the shows and the dinners and the private concert by the San Francisco Symphony. Jason: But? Phoebe: No, no buts. I like you, I like you a lot, you don't have to try so hard. Jason: I know. Phoebe: You do? Jason: You're a very easy girl to please and I love that about you but have you ever stopped to consider that maybe I enjoy doing these things for you? Phoebe: No, actually, that never occurred to me. (Jason leans in closer to Phoebe.) Jason: I don't like to talk about it but you're dating a minor media mogul here, so can I make a suggestion? Phoebe: Sure. Jason: Let go. Lose control a little bit. Trust me and just enjoy the ride. Phoebe: You mean, like you drive? I don't know, I'm a very good pas... (Jason kisses Phoebe.) Senger. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Wyatt are there. Piper takes some cookies out of the oven. Wyatt is sitting in a high chair. Leo orbs in.] Piper: Oh, look, daddy's here! Leo: We need to talk. Piper: No, you need to orb. There are diapers in the bag. Here. (She hands him a bag and bottle.) Wyatt is very excited to spend the afternoon with you. (Wyatt sneezes.) Leo: Was that a sneeze? Are you feeling alright, buddy? Daddy will heal you up right away and then take care of mummy's hand. Piper: No, no, no, no. No magic, really. He has a common cold and babies need to develop immunities. Leo: Not when his father's a miracle worker. Piper: No, really, if I'm gonna lead any kind of a normal life, there will be no healing for any of us. Leo: So you just want him to suffer? Piper: Oh, don't be so dramatic. If he had a serious illness, I would be the first one to call you, but he doesn't. So in the mean time, just watch him and fret like a normal person. Now go. Leo: Well, that's... I can't take Wyatt today. Piper: You can't take Wyatt? What do you mean? You asked to take Wyatt. You know, father son bonding. Leo: Yeah, that was until I found out about this. (Leo holds up a Valkyrie pendant.) Do you know where Chris got it? Piper: A swap meet? Leo: He killed for it. The Valkyrie who owned this pendant was murdered. Piper: Leo, this is not cool, I have people coming here in ten minutes. Leo: Chris isn't who he says he is, Piper. I know he's the one who banished me to Valhalla and this proves it. Piper: You know what, Leo? Nothing will ever change with you. You will always find a way to make your job more important than your family. Leo: Taking care of my family is my job, Piper, and right now I need to find out what Chris is up to. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Gith's Lair. Chris and Gith are there. Gith is dabbing his wound with a cloth.] Gith: You must think I'm pretty low on the evolutionary ladder. Chris: That's not true. Gith: A minor horned demon, a lesser slime devil, or some other common fiend with no power. Chris: I have the greatest respect for your power. Gith: Then don't insult me. Whitelighters don't kill their charges. Chris: Well, I'm not your typical Whitelighter. I came from the future because I needed the power of the Charmed Ones. Gith: To do what? Chris: None of your concern. All you need to know is they're drifting apart. Gith: How do you mean drifting apart? Chris: They're putting their desires before their duties and that makes them useless to me. Gith: You said desires? Chris: You caught that, huh? That is what you feed off of, right? But I never quite understood how one could eat a desire. Gith: Do you know how much energy is contained in an unfulfilled desire? People spend their whole lives wanting something, usually never getting it, I feed off that energy. Chris: Just think how much power the Charmed Ones pack. Gith: You know their desires? (Chris pulls out a piece of paper.) Chris: It's all right here. With this, no messy vortexes, you can bring them into your world with the comfort of your own cave. (Gith takes the piece of paper and walks across the room. Chris takes the bloodied cloth and puts it in his pocket.) Gith: They'll die, you know. Victims of their own desires. Is that what you want? Chris: I'm counting on it. Why else would I offer to help? (Chris takes a piece of parchment and puts it in his pocket.) So good luck and for the sake of both our lives, don't screw this up. (Chris orbs out.) Gith: A normal life with normal friends and no magic. Ask and you shall receive. (He holds his hand above a well and an image of Piper and Wyatt in the manor appear in the water.) [Scene: Manor. Parlor. Piper is there holding Wyatt. Wyatt sneezes.] Piper: Was that a sneeze? (A wave of light passes Piper. The doorbell rings.) Okay, I'm gonna put you down here for two seconds, okay? (She puts Wyatt in his playpen.) Hang on, hang on. Okay, you're good. (Piper walks into the foyer and answers the door. Mary and Elizabeth are standing there.) Women: Hi! Piper: Hi. Elizabeth: It's been too long. Piper: I know. Mary: Oh, I hope you don't mind, a few friends tagged along. Piper: Oh, no, not at all. Elizabeth said you might be bringing a few friends. (More women walk into the manor and greet Piper as they pass.) Five. (The women just keep on coming.) Or eight. Elizabeth: Oh, see, I told you, you should have called her. Piper: Oh, no, no, really, it's-it's fine. You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do this. Elizabeth: Okay, living room, girls. (Everyone goes in the living room except Piper and Mary.) Mary: They're all dying to see my new line of lingerie. Piper: Oh, you design lingerie? Mary: Mm-hm. You're gonna love it. Piper: Oh, sure, just as long as I don't have to try any of it on. Mary: Well, you'd look silly if you did. You don't have what it takes to fill the pouch. Piper: The pouch? (Piper goes to close the door but Mary stops her.) Mary: Meet my models. (A handsome man walks in.) Piper: Oh, sorry. (Another walks in.) Hi. Oh, yeah, the pouch. (Another walks in.) Model #1: So where can we change? Piper: Uh, my bedroom's free. Mary: Right this way. Come on, honey. [Scene: Retirement Home. The elderly people are sitting around watching another magic trick. Charlie is trying to pull a rabbit out of a hat. Paige and Mrs. Rawls is standing beside him.] Charlie: And abracadabra. (He reaches inside the hat.) Uh, where's the rabbit? Mrs. Rawls: The rabbit died last year, dear. Charlie: Oh. (A wave of light passes the room. Charlie grabs his chest and groans. Paige and Mrs. Rawls lowers him to the floor. The nurse races to his side.) Paige: Okay, somebody call 911. Mrs. Rawls: It's his heart. Charlie, can you hear me? Nurse: Hold on, Mr. Rawls, we're calling an ambulance. Mrs. Rawls: We don't have time for an ambulance, he needs help now. Paige: Uh, alright, I can get him there faster but everybody's gotta clear the room. Nurse: I can't leave his side. Mrs. Rawls: Please, he's gonna die. Just use your magic and orb him to the hospital. Paige: How do you know? Nurse: I think it's a good idea, you should orb him. Paige: You know too? Nurse: That you're a witch? Everybody knows. (The elderly people nod.) Mrs. Rawls: Please, we're running out of time. Paige: Alright, alright, just keep it a secret. (Everyone agrees. Paige orbs out with Charlie.) [Scene: Backstage of Chit Chat This and That. Phoebe is getting makeup put on by a make-up artist. Jason walks over to her.] Phoebe: Hey. I can't believe I'm taping my last show today. This week just flew by. Jason: Usually what happens when you're having a good time. Phoebe: Yeah, I have to admit it has been fun. Thank you, Brett. (He walks away.) Jason: You know it doesn't have to end. Phoebe: Oh, don't start with that again. (The assistant director walks in.) Assistant Director: Ms Halliwell, you're on in thirty seconds. Phoebe: Okay. Jason: You said you'd enjoy the ride. Phoebe: Right. Jason: So enjoy it. When you step out on that stage today, don't hold back. I want you to lose yourself in the moment, okay? You might be surprised. Phoebe: Yeah, but I don't like surprises. (A wave of light passes Phoebe.) Assistant Director: Okay, you know the drill. And we're going in five, four, three, two... (Phoebe pushes open the doors and walks onto the stage. The live audience cheers.) Phoebe: Hi. Welcome to the show. (Phoebe turns around to see a big "Ask Phoebe" illuminated sign on the back wall.) Welcome to my show. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the Studio. Phoebe, Jason and a bodyguard is walking the pathway.] Phoebe: That was amazing. Jason: You were amazing. Phoebe: To be in front of a live audience like that and feel all the passion. Jason: So you liked it? Phoebe: How did you pull it off so fast? Jason: I bought off a lot of people. Phoebe: Did you buy them too? (Phoebe points to a large crowd of people standing on the street behind road blocks.) Jason: No, those belong to you. They've been coming out all week just to get a glimpse of you. Blake, can you stay close? Blake: No problem. Phoebe: Who's Blake? Jason: Your bodyguard. (They walk over to t crowd.) Phoebe: What? I thought he was a grip. (Phoebe signs some autographs.) Hi. There you go. Thanks. (Someone gives her a bunch of flowers.) Oh, they're beautiful, thank you. Hi. There you go. Fan: You saved my marriage. My Janey was gonna leave me until I read your column. Thank you so much. Phoebe: You're welcome. Jason: It's like walking with Ghandi. Phoebe: Thank you everyone for coming! (They head over to their limo. Blake opens a door.) Thank you, Blake. (Phoebe and Jason get in the limo.) Jason, I appreciate everything you're trying to do for me but a lot of this doesn't make sense. Like, I swear those people weren't here a few hours ago and the elaborate stage, how did you get them... Jason: Hey, you promised. Phoebe: I know, just sit back and enjoy the ride. Jason: Home, Blake. I got a big surprise for you. Phoebe: Wait, bigger than all this? (The card drives off and the crowd yells and waves. A guy holds up a sign which reads "Marry Me Phoebe". He then turns around the sign and it reads "Or Die".) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Chris is there making a potion. Leo orbs in.] Leo: We need to talk. Chris: Sorry, not now. Leo: Oh, yeah, now. (He holds out the Valkyrie pendant.) Look familiar? Chris: I don't have time for this. Leo: You had time to kill a Valkyrie. Whitelighters don't kill, or did you not read the manual? Chris: But it's alright for an Elder? You had Valkyrie blood on your hands too. Leo: Fighting to protect the sisters. You went out, hunted a Valkyrie to steal her magic. Chris: Oh, so that makes you the noble one, right? Leo: Face it, Chris, I got you this time. This is enough to get your Whitelighter status stripped and your soul sent back down to earth for recycling. Chris: You do what you have to do. Leo: I already did. I arranged a hearing with the Elders tonight. I expect this to be your last day as a Whitelighter. Chris: That's quite possible. Excuse me. Leo: Why are you making a vanquishing potion? Chris: To help the sisters. Leo: Why aren't they making it? Chris: Because they're busy. Leo: I can't sense them. Chris: Don't worry, I'm on it. Leo: You know, Chris, if I can't sense them it means they're not in this world. Chris: I said I'm on it. (Chris heads for the door but Leo stops him.) Leo: Where are you going? Chris: To bring them back, now lay off. Leo: Until I find out what's going on, I'm not gonna let you out of my sight. Chris: You don't trust me. Fine, I get it. But get this, if I don't show up where I'm supposed to be alone, they'll die. Your call. (Chris orbs out. Leo picks up the parchment from Gith's lair.) [Scene: Hospital. Room. Mr and Mrs Rawls are there. Mr Rawls is laying asleep in a bed. Paige walks in.] Paige: Hey, they said I could come back. Is Charlie going to be okay? Mrs. Rawls: Thanks to you. Paige: No, thanks to the doctors. I was just his cosmic taxi. Mrs. Rawls: Oh, Paige, you saved his life. Paige: Well, it felt nice to help out. I'm just curious, how did you know that I had a, uh, a power? Mrs. Rawls: A power? You mean, your magic? Paige: Okay, shhh, let's keep it down, because it's just our secret. Mrs. Rawls: Oh, Paige, don't be shy. Your magic's a godsend. If you hadn't been a witch, I would be a, I would be a widow right now. Paige: Okay, just don't say the word witch because someone might here you. Mrs. Rawls: Well, so what if they do. This ain't Salem, honey. There's no shame in being a witch today. You should use your magic with pride. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper and her friends are cheering on one of the models dancing around the room in nothing but red tight underwear. He moves away and the next model walks in wearing tight leopard skin underwear.] Piper: That's great design detail there. Mary: Thanks. I try to use the natural contours of a man's body along with clean simple lines to convey an image of sensuous sophistication. Elizabeth: I just think it's hot! Piper: It doesn't provide a lot of support though, now does it? Mary: That's the point. Piper: So you guys do this a lot? Mary: You mean, stare at half naked men under a social accepted pretence? Piper: Yeah. Elizabeth: Every chance we get. Mary: Our lives used to be very s*x and the City, then we got married, had kids and its celibacy in the suburb. Piper: I've just missed so much, haven't I? (Mary catches the leopard skin underwear.) Mary: I guess you could say that. (Piper hears Wyatt cry through the baby monitor.) Piper: Speaking of families, I think all this noise woke up Wyatt. I'll be right back. (Piper leaves the room.) [Cut to the nursery. Wyatt is in his crib crying. Piper races in.] Piper: You're okay. What's the matter? (She picks him up.) Come here, come here. You're alright. (She feels his face.) Actually, you're burning up a little. (Piper grabs a thermometer.) Okay, look, look, look. Let me see. (She places the thermometer in his ear, waits a few seconds and it beeps. She takes it out of his ear and looks at the temperature.) One hundred and two. That's not good. Leo! Leo, come on, Wyatt needs you. (She walks out of the room.) [Scene: Limo. The glass dividing the driver and the passengers winds up.] Phoebe: No offence, Blake. We're alone. Jason: I wasn't joking when I said I wanted to give you the world, Phoebe. That live audience wasn't just to impress you, that was a test run for a nationally syndicated talk show starring you. Phoebe: What? Are you kidding me? Jason: I have commitments from my O and Os. That's twelve major TV markets, and don't worry, once they see the test run everybody in the world's gonna wanna Ask Phoebe, live. So what do you think? Phoebe: I think this is moving very fast. Jason: Yeah, isn't it great? (The dividing window winds down.) Blake: We're coming to the penthouse. Phoebe: Wait, the penthouse? I thought you were taking me home. Jason: That is your home. Well, it's your new home. (The limo arrives at the penthouse and more fans are waiting there. They run over to the limo and surround it.) Phoebe: Okay, Jason, enough is enough here. I know that this is all coming from a really good place but you can't just take over my life. I'm not even sure I want to star in my own... Blake: We need to get inside. Jason: Clear a path. Phoebe: Where did all these people come from? (Blake gets out of the car.) Blake: Back up. (Blake opens the door and Phoebe and Jason get out.) Fan: Phoebe, I've read every one of your columns. They're on all my walls. Phoebe: Great, thank you. (to Jason) This is too much. Jason: Isn't it great? Phoebe: No, I don't think any of this is real. I think something's wrong. Jason: What? Phoebe: I said I think something is wrong. Man: My wife left me because of you! (Someone holds out a photo for her to sign.) Phoebe: Yeah, I never posed for that. See, this isn't my world. Man: Do you know how much pain you caused me? Phoebe: This isn't even my fantasy. Jason: Wait till you see the penthouse I bought you, it's got the best bay views of the city. Phoebe: No, no, no, we can't go in there. I know this isn't gonna make any sense to you but I don't think any of this is real. I think we're in some kind of alternate reality. Jason: What are you talking crazy for, Phoebe? This is real, it's me. I'm real. (The man holds up a gun.) Blake: Gun! (The crowd screams and runs away. The man points the gun at Phoebe.) Phoebe: It's time for you to feel pain. (Jason grabs Phoebe. The man shoots and hits Jason. Phoebe and Jason fall to the ground.) Jason: Better get you inside. (The man runs off.) [Scene: Gith's Lair. He is looking at images of the girls in the scrying pool.] Gith: I don't understand. (Chris orbs in.) Chris: Something wrong? Gith: The boyfriend took the bullet. It was meant for the witch. Chris: You tried to kill one of them already? Gith: I create worlds, I don't control them. They work in their own way, in their own time. This is the first time a victim's ever escaped a direct attempt on her life. Chris: Yeah, well, pretty good, aren't they? Gith: It's okay. Their desires will kill them eventually. After all, that is what you desire, isn't it? Chris: Actually... (Chris pulls out the vanquishing potion. A crossbow materialises in Gith's hand. Chris goes to throw the potion but Gith shoots him with the crossbow, hitting him in the stomach. Chris falls to the ground and drops the potion.) Gith: I could sense your desire from the beginning. You never wanted to kill your charges, just teach them a lesson. That's right, Darklighter arrow. (Gith smashes the potion with his foot.) Poison shouldn't take long but with luck, you may just live long enough to watch the Charmed Ones learn their lesson after all. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper walks in carrying Wyatt. She heads over to the Book of Shadows.] Piper: Okay, mummy's gonna take care of everything right now. (She opens the book and all the pages are blank.) What is this? No-no-no-no, this can't be happening. Leo! Chris! Anybody! (Mary and Elizabeth walk in.) Mary: There you are. Is everything okay? Piper: No, Wyatt has a hundred and two temperature and I think it's getting worse. Leo! Come on, your son needs you. (Mary and Elizabeth look at each other.) Mary: Honey, Leo's not here. You two split up, remember? Piper: Uh... Elizabeth: A hundred and two? Piper, that boy needs a doctor. Let me drive you. Piper: No, no, I got it, it's okay. [Scene: Hospital. Paige walks past a woman lying in a bed. She has a wound on her face. She grabs Paige's arm.] Woman: I heard that woman say you were a witch. Paige: Oh, that, she was just being silly. Woman: You have to help my daughter. Paige: Okay, I've landed in twilight zone and I... (The woman squeezes her arm tight.) Woman: Please. Paige: Okay, that hurts. But I need to wake up now. Woman: Demons attacked us. I hid Susie but they're gonna find her. You're a witch, you can save her. Paige: Okay, this can't be happening. Chris, I need some help here. Woman: Please. She's just a little girl. Paige: Okay, it's gonna be okay. Tell me where you left her. [Cut to an alley. Paige orbs in. A man runs past with a demon chasing him. The demon throws a fireball.] Paige: Fireball! (She orbs the fireball towards the demon and it hits him in the chest. He explodes and turns to ash. Paige runs into a storage room near by and goes down the stairs. A demon is there looking for Susie.) Demon: Where are you? (The demon faces Paige and creates a fireball.) Paige: Pipe! (A pipe orbs into the demon's chest and he bursts into flames, vanquishing him.) Susie? Susie, it's okay, you can come out now. (Susie comes out from behind a barrel.) It's okay, your mum sent me. That's it, it's alright. It's okay. Okay. (Susie goes over to Paige. Paige puts her arm around her.) Let's get out out of here. [Cut to the alley. Paige and Susie walk out of the building. All these people come out from their hiding places and cheer at Paige.] Paige: This can't be real. (Two demons appear and one throws a fireball near Paige and Susie.) Go wait in there. (Susie goes back into the building. Paige orbs out and the demons look around. Paige orbs back in in between them.) Looking for me? (The demons throw an energy ball at Paige but she orbs out and the energy balls hit each other, vanquishing themselves. Paige orbs back in.) Anyone else? Voice: Watch out! (Paige dives behind a dumpster as another energy ball flies past.) Paige: What the hell is going on? [Scene: Outside the Penthouse. Phoebe and Jason are sitting on the ground.] Phoebe: You're gonna be okay, baby, we're gonna get you out of this. Leo! Jason: Who are you calling? Phoebe: Uh, my brother-in-law. He's a healer. Jason: No offence, babe, but I don't think he can hear you. Isn't Blake calling 911? Phoebe: Yeah, he is. I know this isn't gonna make a lot of sense to you, but I don't think this world is real, you know, I don't know if there are paramedics here. Jason: This world isn't real? Phoebe: Yeah. If I had to guess, I would say it's a world of desire, but it's not my desire, it's your desire. I can feel how much you want all of this for me. Jason: It's true, Phoebe, I want everything for you including sanity. So if I die, promise me I'll see a doctor. Phoebe: You're not gonna die. [Cut to Gith's Lair. He is watching the girls in the scrying pool.] Phoebe: We're gonna get you out of here. Gith: An empath. You didn't tell me the middle sister was an empath. Chris: Sorry. Gith: She must have been feeling his desire when I created her world. It's no matter, my worlds always kill their victims. You know why? Because desires are empty. They lack foundation. This world will fall too, it's only a matter of time. Jason: I'm getting thirsty. Phoebe: Okay, I'll try see if I can find something. (Chris waves his hand and Phoebe's world moulds into Paige's.) Gith: No! (Gith kicks Chris.) [Cut to the alley. Phoebe is standing there.] Phoebe: Jason? (Paige grabs Phoebe just as a fireball flies past. They crouch behind a dumpster.) Thanks. (They peek around at the demons. A fireball heads straight for them.) Paige: Fireball! (The fireball hits the dumpster.) Welcome to my world. Phoebe: Wait, you have a world too? Paige: Yeah. All magic all the time. Just what I wanted. Phoebe: So you figured it out. Paige: Well, yeah, if you mean the whole vortex of deadly desires thing. How'd you escape? Phoebe: I have no idea, it just sort of happened. But I have to go back there because Jason was shot and I just left him there. Paige: Oh, no. Phoebe: Paige, I gotta get back. Paige: Yeah, we definitely need to get out of here but I think we're gonna need Piper to do that. (The demons throw fireballs at the dumpster.) [Cut to Gith's Lair. He is watching through the scrying pool.] [Cut to the alley. The demons walk over to the dumpster and look around at Phoebe and Paige's hiding place. They're gone. The demons look around the alley. Phoebe and Paige orb inside the dumpster.] [Cut inside the dumpster. The girls push away bags of rubbish. Paige picks a lettuce leaf out of Phoebe's hair.] [Scene: Piper's car. Piper is driving down the street. Wyatt is in the back seat screaming.] Piper: You're gonna be okay. We're almost there. (Piper drives through an intersection and hears a horn beeping. A car heads straight for them and smashes into the passenger side of the car. The car spins around the road.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Gith's Lair. Gith is watching the girls from the scrying pool.] [Cut to the alley. Inside the dumpster.] Paige: Okay, I think they're gone. Phoebe: How are we gonna find Piper? Paige: I don't know, maybe try feeling her? The demon created these worlds by using our emotions, right? I don't know, maybe use him as a conduit to tap into our feelings. Phoebe: Okay, it's worth a shot. Paige: Are you getting anything? Phoebe: No, I'm smelling something. (Phoebe sneezes.) [Cut to the alley. The demons hear the sneeze. One of them whistles.] [Cut inside the dumpster.] Paige: Bless you. Phoebe: Thanks. Paige: Okay, try again. [Cut to the alley. More demons join the others. The throw fireballs around the place.] [Cut to inside the dumpster. Phoebe is concentrating. The dumpster shakes.] Paige: Are you okay? Phoebe: I feel her. She's really scared and she needs our help. (The demons throw fireballs at the dumpster.) Paige: These worlds were fuelled by our desires, right? Well, our desires can find her. Phoebe: Okay, so maybe our combined desires can actually bring us to her, right? Paige: Yeah. Phoebe: Uh, try to focus, focus, focus. [Cut to Gith's Lair.] Gith: You've ruined everything. Now they'll find the oldest sister and come for me. Unless I get to her first. (He pulls out a knife and disappears into Piper's world.) [Cut to the street. Gith appears. Piper, holding Wyatt, walks out from behind her car.] Piper: You're not demon enough to kill me. Gith: Ah, the sweetest desire of them all. The desire to survive. (Gith walks towards Piper. Phoebe and Paige suddenly appear crouching in front of Gith. Phoebe trips him over. Paige rushes over to Piper.) Paige: Are you okay? Piper: Yeah, it's about time you guys showed up. Paige: Athame! Piper: Yeah, sorry, no magic here. (Gith gets up and attacks Phoebe. Phoebe grabs him and throws him against the car.) Phoebe: How's that shoulder feel? (Phoebe kicks him right in his wounded shoulder and knocks him to the ground. He screams in pain. Phoebe sees gas pouring out of the car.) Come on, we've gotta get out of here. We gotta get out. (Piper with Wyatt, Phoebe and Paige run off.) Gith: There's nowhere to run! You're in my world! (The car explodes and engulfs Gith in flames. The girls and Wyatt vanish from the world.) [Cut to Gith's Lair. Smoke rises out of the scrying pool and Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Wyatt appear.) Paige: Where are we? Phoebe: Who cares? Where's Jason? Piper: Jason? Phoebe: Yeah, he was in my world and he should've come out when we got the demon, right? Paige: Are you sure it's really Jason? Phoebe: I don't know, what do you mean? Paige: I mean, in my world, there's all these people that I know from the old folks home, maybe your Jason is just a creation of your world. Phoebe: Oh, god, I hope so. (Wyatt coughs.) Piper: Wyatt needs help. (Paige spots Chris.) Paige: Oh my god, so does he. (Paige rushes over to Chris.) He's still breathing. Piper: Leo! (Leo orbs in.) Leo: You're back, where were you? Piper: Heal now, ask later. (Leo heals Wyatt and then heals Chris.) [Scene: Manor. Nursery. Piper, Leo and Wyatt are there. Piper tucks Wyatt into his crib.] Leo: He's fever's down. He should sleep pretty well tonight. Piper: Yeah, he had quite a day. (Wyatt gurgles.) You're okay. (Piper and Leo walk into Piper's room.) Leo: Well, I'm glad you made it out of that other world alright. Piper: Yeah, and you have Chris to thank for that. Leo: Chris. Yeah, well, he should have taken me with him to that cave or at least told me where my family was. Piper: Leo, give him a break. He earned it today. Leo: So what about you? I heard your social life was interrupted again. Piper: Yeah, but, you know, there's always tomorrow. Leo: You never give up, do you? Piper: No, not a chance. I firmly believe there will be one day without demons, magic or pocket realms. Leo: Goodnight, Piper. Piper: Hey, um, before you go, could you do me a favour? (She removes the bandage off her hand.) Leo: You want me to heal your hand? I thought you wanted a normal day. Piper: Yeah, I did, and apparently that's not gonna be today. (Leo heals her hand. There's a knock at the door and Chris walks in.) Chris: Hey. Piper: Hey. How are you feeling? Chris: Better. Thanks. So it's almost time for my hearing with the Elders. I thought I'd give you the pleasure of taking me in personally. Leo: Yeah, well, maybe I'll just give you this instead. (He holds out the Valkyrie pendant.) Chris: I don't understand. Leo: Neither do I. Just take it before I change my mind. (Leo gives Chris the pendant and leaves the room. Chris smiles.) Piper: Thanks for trying to warn us about the demon. We should have listened to you in the first place. Chris: Well, as long as you learn something at the end of the day, that's all that matters, right? Piper: Right. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe knocks on Jason's office door. Jason opens it.] Jason: Hey, I got your message, you sounded so... (Phoebe hugs him.) Are you alright? Phoebe: Yeah, I just needed to see you. Jason: And feel my back. Phoebe: You're okay. Jason: My doctor will be pleased. Listen, now that I have you here, I have a surprise for you. Phoebe: Uh-oh. Jason: No, this is good. The station manager's a friend of mine and we got talking about you. Now, Phoebe... Phoebe: That's not what I want. Jason: You don't know what I'm gonna say. Phoebe: Yeah, I think I do. (She sits on his lap.) And I appreciate the gesture but I have everything I want right here. Jason: You do? Phoebe: Yeah, I do. You've got me, Jason Dean. I'm yours. So no more wooing. Jason: Okay, no more wooing. I guess I'll cancel our helicopter to Carmel for dinner. Phoebe: No, no! Maybe a little bit more wooing. (They kiss.)
Plan: A: their "Charmed" duties; Q: What does Chris worry the Charmed Ones are putting their personal lives before? A: the demon Gith; Q: Who does Chris enlist to teach the sisters a lesson? A: their secret desires; Q: What does Gith tap into to create an alternate reality for the sisters? A: Piper's; Q: Which world does Gith try to transport himself to? A: Phoebe; Q: Who fights off Gith? A: Jason Dean; Q: Who is Phoebe's boyfriend? A: a famous celebrity; Q: What does Jason Dean want Phoebe to be? A: her own television show; Q: What does Jason Dean want Phoebe to have? A: Paige; Q: Whose secret desire is to not have to hide her magic? A: a Darklighter arrow; Q: What is Gith shot with? A: Wyatt; Q: Who is seriously ill in the alternate reality? A: a car crash; Q: What does Piper end up in when she tries to get Wyatt to the hospital? A: multiple demons; Q: Who attacks Paige? A: insane fans; Q: Who tries to kill Phoebe? A: Piper's SVU; Q: What explodes and consumes Gith? A: the explosion; Q: What is Gith consumed in? A: His vanquish; Q: What frees the sisters and Wyatt? A: a near-death Chris; Q: What do the sisters discover when Gith is vanquished? A: Leo; Q: Who heals Wyatt of his illness? A: his wound; Q: What does Leo heal Chris of? Summary: Worried that the Charmed Ones are drifting apart by putting their personal lives before their "Charmed" duties, Chris tries to teach them a lesson by enlisting the help of the demon Gith, who creates an alternate reality for the sisters by tapping into their secret desires. Piper's secret desire is to live a normal life, Phoebe feels her boyfriend's, Jason Dean , desire, for her to be a famous celebrity and have her own television show, and Paige's is to not have to hide her magic. Chris tries to kill Gith, but is prevented by when he is shot with a Darklighter arrow. Wyatt ends up becoming seriously ill and when Piper tries to get him to the hospital, she ends up in a car crash while Paige gets attacked by multiple demons and insane fans try to kill Phoebe. Chris manages to put Phoebe into Paige's world and together they manage to channel themselves into Piper's. Gith, desperate, transports himself to Piper's world, but Phoebe fights him off. Gith is vanquished when Piper's SVU explodes and he is consumed in the explosion. His vanquish frees the sisters and Wyatt and they discover a near-death Chris. Piper quickly calls for Leo who heals Wyatt of his illness and Chris of his wound and they return home where the sisters have learned their lesson.
5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. CITY. ELEVATOR (BARBARA cautiously steps out of the elevator.) (She starts a little way down a corridor...) (...then backs against the wall with a gasp at the sight of something moving in from a side corridor - Something with a mechanical arm advances on her. She is trapped against the wall.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. CITY. ENTRANCE HALLWAY (IAN passes his hand over a sensor and he, the DOCTOR and SUSAN enter a hallway. There are several archways of differing heights reaching to the ceiling and several doorways arranged around the sides of the hallway. They are less elaborate than the door by which they have just entered but have the same sensors next to each of them.) IAN: Barbara? (They walk into the body of the hall, IAN moving under the archways looking for the missing teacher.) IAN: Barbara? Barbara? (SUSAN reaches one of the doorways and passes her hand over a sensor to it. A door opens onto a darkened room. She looks in.) SUSAN: Miss Wright? (IAN opens another of the doors. The room inside is similarly dark.) IAN: Barbara? (SUSAN calls from across the hallway.) SUSAN: Hey, there's a corridor over here. DOCTOR: Mmm. (IAN comes over and looks down the corridor.) IAN: We might as well see where it goes to. Come on. (He is about to set off but the DOCTOR holds out a hand of caution. He looks back into the hallway.) DOCTOR: Wait... IAN: What's the matter? DOCTOR: Listen... (There is a moments pause as all three listen. A faint sound reaches them.) SUSAN: I can hear it - a ticking noise! DOCTOR: Quiet child, listen... (IAN starts to walk round the edge of the hallway, following the sound.) IAN: Yes, over here somewhere. (The ticking stops.) DOCTOR: It's stopped now. (They strain to listen. The ticking sound starts up.) SUSAN: Hey, there it is again! (IAN reaches the door in the central of the archways behind them.) IAN: It's coming from in here (He waves his hand over the sensor and the door opens. All three enter the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. CITY. LABORATORY (The room is in semi-darkness. There are several pieces of active scientific equipment dotted around the room.) IAN: Ah, this is more hopeful. We ought to find some mercury here. (They walk further into the room. The DOCTOR is drawn to one piece of equipment in particular.) DOCTOR: Huh! Measuring equipment...but measuring what? (To IAN.) Look here, look at this drum. (He moves his fingers over it.) DOCTOR: The ink's still quite wet. IAN: Yes, I'm trying to imagine what sort of people these are. DOCTOR: They're intelligent anyway, very intelligent. IAN: Yes, but how do they use their intelligence? What form does it take? DOCTOR: (Scornfully.) Oh, as if that matters! What these instruments tell us is that we're in the midst of a...a very, very advanced civilised society. (SUSAN calls from the other side of the room.) SUSAN: Hey, here it is! The thing that's ticking, it's over here! (IAN crosses over to her followed by the DOCTOR. The machine they examine shows a needle against a counter and is ticking away.) SUSAN: (Worried.) It's a Geiger counter... IAN: (Points.) But look at the needle! It's past the danger point. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes, yes, that explains a lot of things, doesn't it? The jungle turned to stone, the... barren soil and the fact that we're not feeling well. IAN: (Appalled.) Radiation sickness? DOCTOR: Yes, I'm afraid so. The atmosphere here is polluted with a very high level of fallout and we've been walking around in it completely unprotected. IAN: What?! But how do you explain the buildings? They're intact. DOCTOR: (Thinks.) A Neutron bomb...yes...it destroys all human tissues, but leaves the building and machinery intact, mm, yes. IAN: What? But how much radiation? How badly? DOCTOR: (Weakening.) Oh...we need, we...need drugs...to be treated... IAN: But where are we going to find them? SUSAN: The TARDIS'll have to take us to another time and place where we can be cured. IAN: But don't you remember? We can't move the ship until we find the mercury for the fluid link! (The DOCTOR looks guilty and steps away from his companions.) DOCTOR: For the fluid link, yes...yes. I'm...I'm afraid I cheated a little on that. I was determined to see the city but everybody wanted to go on, and, er, well...to avoid arguments, er, in short, there's, er... (He takes the link out of his pocket and puts it is IAN'S hands.) DOCTOR: ...nothing wrong with the fluid link. (IAN and SUSAN are stunned.) SUSAN: What? Grandfather, do you mean to say that you risked leaving the ship just to see this place? IAN: (Angrily.) You fool! You old fool! DOCTOR: Abuse me as much as you like, Chesterton. The point is, we need an immediate return to the ship and I suggest we leave at once. IAN: We're not leaving until we've found Barbara. DOCTOR: Very well. You may stay and search for her if you wish, but Susan and I are going back to the ship. Now, come along child... IAN: All right, carry on, fine. How far do you think you'll get - without this? (He holds up the fluid link. The DOCTOR holds out his hand.) DOCTOR: Now give that to me! IAN: Not until we've found Barbara. DOCTOR: Give it to me I say! (The DOCTOR almost tries to snatch the link back but IAN is too quick for him.) IAN: No - it's time you faced up to your responsibilities. You got us here - now I'm going to make sure that you get us back! DOCTOR: Chesterton, this is... IAN: (Interrupting.) We're wasting time. We should be looking for Barbara. SUSAN: He's right Grandfather. We are wasting time. DOCTOR: (Wearily.) Oh child, if only you'd think as an adult sometimes, [SCENE_BREAK] (He is overtaken by a momentary wave of exhaustion.) DOCTOR: Oh very well, very well, let's go then, let's go. (He puts his arm round SUSAN and all three turn to the door which slides open to re-admit them back to the hallway. They pass through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. CITY. ENTRANCE HALLWAY (As they come into the hallway and the door slides shut behind them, SUSAN gasps in horror and buries herself in the DOCTOR'S arms, He and IAN look similarly shocked. They are surrounded by a number of hideous metallic machine creatures. They are squat and rounded with no discernable humanoid features. A single lens on a stalk functions as an eye, attached to a dome; they glide on a rounded base and possess two stubby "arms". One of these has a sucker on the end - like the one that menaced BARBARA - and the other is clearly a weapon of some sort. These twitch in mock life. One of the machines nearest to the travellers suddenly speaks in a grating metallic voice.) FIRST DALEK: You will move ahead of us and follow my directions. This way (The machine glides round on the spot until it faces in the opposite direction. Its eye-stalk on the dome swings back round to re-face the travellers.) FIRST DALEK: Immediately! (The DOCTOR and SUSAN warily step forward as instructed. The DOCTOR has his hands on SUSAN'S shoulders. IAN remains in front of the door.) FIRST DALEK: (To IAN.) I said immediately! (IAN suddenly runs to one side, trying to escape.) FIRST DALEK: Fire! (From another machine, the shorter, weapon-like appendage seems to quickly extend and retract. IAN is bathed in a glow of energy so bright that he and his surroundings seem to turn negative. He crashes to the ground, crying out in pain.) IAN: Argh! My legs....my legs! (The DOCTOR and SUSAN try to run towards the stricken teacher. Another of the machines puts its arm in the way.) SECOND DALEK: Stop! (The first machine glides across the room and looks down at IAN on the floor. It speaks in its emotionless dispassionless voice.) FIRST DALEK: Your legs are paralysed. You will recover shortly unless you force us to use our weapons again. In that case, the condition will be permanent. (Its eye-stalk swings round to look at the DOCTOR and SUSAN.) FIRST DALEK: You two - help him. (The DOCTOR and SUSAN run across the room and help IAN to his feet. He has to lean across their shoulders.) IAN: (In shock.) My legs...my legs...I can't use my legs! [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. CITY. CELL (BARBARA sits on the floor of a stark, empty, metallic room. She appears dejected.) FIRST DALEK: (OOV: Outside the cell.) Stop here! (BARBARA gets to her feet quickly as the cell door glides up and side-wards into the wall. The DOCTOR and SUSAN, still supporting IAN are outside the door. They help him step into the room. The machine remains outside as the door re-slides shut.) BARBARA: Susan! SUSAN: Miss Wright! BARBARA: Ian! IAN: Oh, Barbara, thank heaven we've found you. Are you all right? BARBARA: Yes. (She notices IAN'S condition.) BARBARA: What's the matter? What's happened? IAN: Oh, I'm all right. SUSAN: He tried to get away and they hurt him. BARBARA: Well, can't you stand up? IAN: Well, not without help. The feeling's coming back, don't worry. BARBARA: Come over here. (BARBARA helps the DOCTOR and SUSAN carry IAN across the room to where two long metal benches rest against the walls, although the DOCTOR is by now almost as weak as IAN. They rest IAN on one of the benches and all sit down themselves. The DOCTOR is to one side. He takes off his jacket and sits back exhausted, badly affected by the radiation.) IAN: How about you, Barbara? We tried to look for you and then those machines caught us. BARBARA: Well, they trapped me in some sort of lift. It seemed to go down for ages. IAN: They didn't hurt you? BARBARA: No. IAN: (Relieved.) Oh... BARBARA: Ian, what are they? IAN: I don't know. Barbara, did you notice anything? I mean, when they were moving you about - any little thing may help us. BARBARA: No, nothing much, They moved me from floor to floor - always in lifts. Where we are now must be miles underground. Well, there wasn't any furniture, now that I come to think about it. IAN: I'm afraid that's not very much help. BARBARA: Ian...do you think they really are...just machines? IAN: What do you mean? BARBARA: Well, I was going to say... (Embarrassed.)...do you think there's someone inside them? (SUSAN bursts into laughter. A look from the two teachers soon quells her.) IAN: It's a point. We haven't any idea what's inside them. BARBARA: I tried to think of how I could get away from them...but then I began to feel so weak and giddy...it's getting worse now...I think they must have drugged me in some way... IAN: It's not that. Barbara...we've got radiation sickness - all of us. The Doctor's pretty badly hit. (IAN nods towards the DOCTOR who is almost comatose against the wall.) BARBARA: (Starting to panic.) Well, how do we know it's radiation? SUSAN: We found a Geiger counter. It seems that all the time we've been in the open, we've been exposed to it. BARBARA: Well, what's going to happen to us? (The DOCTOR stirs slightly at this question although his eyes remain closed and his voice is weak.) DOCTOR: Well, unless...unless we get treatment...we shall die...yes...we shall die... (His three companions quietly absorb this horrific information.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (An image of the four travellers is being shown on a scanner atop a control console in the machines' control room. This room is also metallic but unlike the cell, is in semi-darkness. There are several of the consoles, separated by metallic pillars and the room is filled with a pulsing electronic heartbeat type sound. Two of the machines watch the scanner. One of them touches a control.) FIRST DALEK: (Into communicator.) Bring in the old man Thal prisoner... (It speaks to its companion.) FIRST DALEK: Two hundred days ago, the radiation count was ninety-three. SECOND DALEK: It is now fifty-eight. An impressive reduction. FIRST DALEK: It is still enough to destroy. Our prisoners are showing preliminary stages of sickness already. SECOND DALEK: We know the Thals are able to live on the surface. FIRST DALEK: And that they must have found immunity. SECOND DALEK: Perhaps it is a drug. Is it failing them now? Why are these four showing signs of radiation sickness? FIRST DALEK: A few questions will reduce the mystery. (A door at the end of the control room glides up and side-wards into the wall. The DOCTOR, still with his jacket off, somewhat staggers into the room escorted by another of the machines and into a pool of light. Blinded, he tries to step back.) FIRST DALEK: Do not move out of the light...Sit on the floor. (The DOCTOR was starting to do just that before the order was given as he is now even weaker.) SECOND DALEK: You are one of the Thal people? DOCTOR: I don't understand you... FIRST DALEK: Why are you suffering from radiation? (Behind the DOCTOR, his machine escort glides out of the room.) DOCTOR: Why? Because we were not aware of it until it was too late, that's why. SECOND DALEK: No, that is not true. We know the Thals have existed outside our city. FIRST DALEK: The truth is, your supply of drugs has failed and you came into the city to see if you could find more. DOCTOR: No, no..."Thals"? What's he talking about? We're not "Thals" or whatever you may call them. Can't you see we're very ill? FIRST DALEK: You and your companions need a drug to stay alive. DOCTOR: (Getting irate.) We have no drugs (Realisation suddenly dawns on him and he mutters to himself...) DOCTOR: A drug...a drug...the drugs left outside the TARDIS! (One of the machines is confused by this statement and the iris in its eye dilates as it intones:) SECOND DALEK: "TARDIS"? He is becoming delirious. I do not understand his words. (The DOCTOR staggers to his feet.) DOCTOR: Listen to me! FIRST DALEK: (Sharply.) Stay in the light! (The DOCTOR stands still.) DOCTOR: My friends and I are travellers. We did find something in the forest near our...our encampment. They may be the drugs you're referring to. Why not let one of us go and bring the phials here...and...under guard if necessary. FIRST DALEK: We cannot move outside the city. DOCTOR: Very well, then, let one of us go and hold the others until he returns. FIRST DALEK: Provided whoever you send understands the rest of you will be held responsible for his return. DOCTOR: He will have our lives in his hands. That is enough. FIRST DALEK: Then we agree. (With a groan, the DOCTOR sinks back down to one knee, struggling to concentrate.) DOCTOR: Tell me something about the people, the Thals, hmm? FIRST DALEK: (Pauses, then...) Over five hundred years ago, there were two races on this planet - we, the Daleks, and the Thals. After the neutronic war, our Dalek forefathers retired into the city, protected by our machines. DOCTOR: And the Thals? FIRST DALEK: Most of them perished in the war, but we know that there are survivors. They must be disgustingly mutated but that fact that they have survived tells us they must have a drug that preserves the life force. DOCTOR: (Angrily.) And knowing that these mutated creatures exist outside the city, you're willing to send one of us in amongst them? FIRST DALEK: As you say yourself - all of lives...depend on it. (The DOCTOR closes his eyes in horror and resignation.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. CITY. CELL (BARBARA and SUSAN are supporting IAN as they pace the cell in an effort to bring some feeling back to his legs.) BARBARA: Is it any easier? IAN: Yes, I think it is. I'm going to try and stand on my own. SUSAN: Be careful... IAN: I'll be all right. (He takes his arms away from the girls' shoulders and stands upright, although somewhat shakily.) IAN: Huh! That's not too bad, is it? (He sways slightly.) BARBARA: Why don't you sit down for a minute? IAN: No, no, I'll be all right. I... (He tries to take a step but suddenly falls again as his legs give way. The two girls help him up.) IAN: (Angrily.) Oh, it's no good! BARBARA: Come on, sit down. It'll wear off in time. (The two girls help him back to the wall. They are looking worn out.) IAN: How are you feeling, Barbara? BARBARA: Oh...not too good. IAN: Susan? SUSAN: Well, it doesn't seem to have affected me as much as the rest of you. (The cell door slides open and the DOCTOR is pushed in by a DALEK. The women have to grab him before he falls.) SUSAN: Grandfather! IAN: Are you all right? (He nods silently. The women help him to sit on one of the benches. The DOCTOR tries to speak but is weak and breathless.) SUSAN: What happened? DOCTOR: In a moment, child... (He takes a deep breath and tries to recover his strength.) DOCTOR: The phial of drugs left outside the TARDIS, remember? BARBARA: Yes, what about them? DOCTOR: It's possible that they may have been anti-radiation gloves...drugs. (The other three look at each other.) DOCTOR: I...I can't be certain...but it does give us a chance. The people here, whoever they may be, are very eager to get a hold of them. IAN: Well, none of us are in very good shape to go and get them. BARBARA: Well, Oh, I could do it... IAN: No, it must be me. BARBARA: But you can't walk! IAN: (Snaps.) Oh, I'll be all right in a couple of hours! DOCTOR: Whoever goes must be very careful. As far as I can ascertain, the creatures out there are the ones who dropped the box. They're called Thals - they're mutations. (SUSAN and BARBARA react with disgust to this description.) IAN: So it wasn't our captors who left the drugs behind? DOCTOR: No, if they were drugs. (The DOCTOR suddenly feels the need to lie back. IAN helps him and SUSAN puts his feet up. His eyes are closed and his voice is weak.) DOCTOR: I've learned quite a lot from the Daleks. IAN: The who? DOCTOR: The Daleks - our captors here. Oh, if I didn't feel so...! But I was right about the neutron bomb. The Daleks...built this underground city as a kind of huge shelter. IAN: But what about the...the...what do you call them? The Thals? DOCTOR: I... IAN: I mean, how did they survive out there? They... (The DOCTOR is still and making nonsensical noises.) IAN: Doctor? Doctor? (The old man has lapsed into unconsciousness. SUSAN leans over him in concern.) IAN: I must get that drug quickly... (SUSAN feels the DOCTOR'S head.) SUSAN: Oh, he's burning hot... (As SUSAN loosens the DOCTOR'S tie.) IAN: Yes, as soon as they take me to the surface, I'll ask for water. In the meantime, you must keep him as cool as you possibly can. (He suddenly brightens.) IAN: I think there's some life coming back into my toes! (SUSAN helps IAN to massage his leg.) SUSAN: You can't go alone, Ian. I'll have to go with you. IAN: No, I want you to stay here Susan. SUSAN: But I can't, I must go with you... IAN: (Interrupts.) Oh, don't argue with me! SUSAN: But you can't get into the ship! IAN: All right then, give me the key. SUSAN: It's not just a question of turning the key...the whole lock comes away from the door. IAN: Susan, supposing these...Daleks insist that only one of us goes. Then, I'll have to take the key and I'll have to go on trying until the door opens. SUSAN: No, you'll jam the lock. Look, it's a defence mechanism. There are twenty-one different holes inside the lock. There's one right place and twenty wrong ones. If you make a mistake, you'll, well, the whole...inside of the lock will melt. IAN: (Pauses, then.) There's nothing else for it then. We must go together. (SUSAN nods. IAN starts to climb to his feet with her help.) IAN: Come on, let's see if I can walk. (BARBARA starts to get up.) IAN: No, it's all right Barbara. You take it easy. Rest. (He starts hobbling.) IAN: My right leg is better, you know... (He falls to the floor again.) IAN: (In frustration.) I've got feeling in this one but the left is just pins and needles. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR (A DALEK glides along the corridor and up to the cell door. It slides open and the DALEK glides in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CITY. CELL DALEK: You must leave now. IAN: I'm not well enough yet... DALEK: (Louder.) You must leave now! IAN: My legs are still... DALEK: (Interrupting.) Which one of you is going? (IAN stands unsteadily. He hobbles forward and falls to the floor again. SUSAN cries out and jumps up to help him stand. BARBARA is too weak to stand.) IAN: You must give me more time! (SUSAN helps him back to his seat.) SUSAN: (To the DALEK.) Can't you see how weak he is? DALEK: There are others. (BARBARA stands slowly but has to sit back down straight away, gripping her stomach.) BARBARA: Oh, Ian...I can't...the whole room's going 'round...oh! (IAN looks from BARBARA to the DOCTOR, then at SUSAN. She catches his meaning, looking scared.) SUSAN: Must I? Alone? BARBARA: (To IAN.) You can't let her go alone...she's just a child! Plead with them...anything! (She breaks down.) IAN: Susan...you see how ill they both are! We can't afford to wait until I can walk! An hour might make all the difference! SUSAN: I'm so afraid! IAN: Go on. (SUSAN looks at the prone forms of the DOCTOR and BARBARA and summons up her courage. She nods.) SUSAN: Yes. IAN: Don't stop for anything. Straight there, straight back. DALEK: Are you ready? IAN: (Angrily.) Yes, all right. (SUSAN turns round to the waiting DALEK.) SUSAN: I...I'm coming now. (The cell door slides open. SUSAN looks back at her companions but the DALEK prods her out with its suction cup arm.) BARBARA: Ian...the others, in the forest...he said they were mutations... IAN: (In despair.) But what else could I do? (He hits his left leg in anger.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (Three DALEKS are assembled watching the scanner. The door opens and another glides into the room and reports to its compatriots.) FIRST DALEK: The child has set out. SECOND DALEK: Her direction is being followed on the Rangerscopes? FIRST DALEK: Yes. SECOND DALEK: Mark her movements carefully. If there are more Thal people living in the jungle, she will try to contact them. FIRST DALEK: I understand. If she returns with the drugs, am I to allow the prisoners to use it? SECOND DALEK: No. They will die in time. Their only value is in bringing us enough of the Thal drug to duplicate it for our own use. (The four DALEKS glide in closer and begin talking quickly among themselves.) DALEK: Yes, at last we have a chance.... [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CITY. CELL (BARBARA wipes the DOCTOR'S brow.) BARBARA: He's getting worse. IAN: How long did the Doctor say we'd last without treatment? Forty-eight hours? BARBARA: (Tearfully.) I don't know. It..it's hit him so badly, Ian... IAN: Yes. How are you feeling? BARBARA: Oh, I...I ache all over. I have difficulty in keeping my eyes open... IAN: Yes, I'm about the same. (He looks in anger at the DOCTOR.) IAN: All his fault! Had to have his own way, see the city... BARBARA: Oh Ian, that doesn't help. IAN: Oh, I know, I know... BARBARA: We must wait, that's all we can do. IAN: Wait, yes. An hour ago, I thought we might try and escape, watch their movements, make a plan, there's always a chance. Now, we're too late. I think even if they left the doors wide open, we wouldn't have the strength to crawl through them. BARBARA: How long has she been gone? IAN: (Checking his watch.) About an hour. She should just be on the edge of the jungle by now. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. FOREST (Thunder and lightning rip through the sky as SUSAN staggers through the trees. She is frightened, not just by the storm, but by what might be hidden in the trees. She pauses, turns and runs as fast as she can through the trees. Something covered in scales moves out of a clearing before she approaches. She carries on running but suddenly falls to the ground and stares up in terror at something in front of her....) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CITY. CELL (IAN and BARBARA are doing their best to look after the DOCTOR who is laid out flat on one of the benches.) BARBARA: He's so hot. It...it's like a fever... IAN: Yes, his breathing's so bad. What do you think, Barbara? BARBARA: (Shaking her head.) I don't know. Even if Susan got back now, I don't know whether she'd be in time. Gi..give me his coat. (IAN passes the DOCTOR'S jacket to her.) IAN: Here, there you are. (BARBARA makes a pillow of it and puts it under the DOCTORS head. She staggers but IAN grabs her and helps her to sit.) IAN: Barbara, come on now BARBARA: No, I'm... IAN: You sit down. BARBARA: (Wearily.) I'm all right... IAN: No, you rest. You can't do anything more for him. BARBARA: It's so hot in here. (IAN makes her comfortable and feels her brow.) IAN: Yes, now you try and sleep, Barbara. Try and sleep. BARBARA: Yes...I'd like to sleep... IAN: Yes... BARBARA: It's so hot... (She passes out. IAN gets to his feet, He himself is weaker now. Suddenly he realises that he has feeling back in his legs. He manages to walk but suddenly lurches forward with stomach cramps. He holds himself up against the cell door.) IAN: (Whispers.) Hurry, Susan...hurry, Susan! [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. FOREST (As thunder crashes, SUSAN crawls backwards from the sight in front of her. She throws ash up at it with a cry and regains her feet. She staggers away, sobbing, running through the trees.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. INT. CITY. CONTROL ROOM (Four DALEKS are assembled.) FIRST DALEK: I have just come from the prisoners. The old man is dying. SECOND DALEK: Then he must die. There is no help we can give him. How are the others? FIRST DALEK: The woman is sleeping very heavily. The young man fights against it. SECOND DALEK: What of the girl? Has she reached the jungle? FIRST DALEK: Yes. The Rangerscopes tracked her that far. Now they have lost her. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. FOREST (Sobbing, SUSAN is still running through the trees. Suddenly she finds herself in front of the TARDIS. She takes the key from around her neck and opens the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (SUSAN runs into the ship and immediately operates the door control. When she is safely enclosed, she goes to the chair where the metal box is sitting. She hugs it to her and walks back to the console, then remembers IAN'S instructions...) IAN: (OOV.) Don't stop for anything, Straight there, straight back. An hour might make all the difference. (SUSAN realises she has no choice.) SUSAN: I must....I must... (She operates the door control and starts to walk hesitantly out. A crack of thunder and a flash of lightening make her hesitate momentarily but then she summons courage and walks through the doors....)
Plan: A: The TARDIS; Q: What has brought the travellers to the planet Skaro? A: two indigenous races; Q: Who do the Doctor and his companions meet on the planet Skaro? A: the Daleks; Q: Who are the Thals fighting with? A: armoured travel machines; Q: What are the Daleks encased in? A: the Thals; Q: Who do the Doctor and his companions convince to fight for their own survival? A: pacifist principles; Q: What do the Thals have? A: their own survival; Q: What do the Thals need to fight for? A: a two-pronged attack; Q: What type of attack did the Thals launch on the Daleks? A: the Dalek city; Q: What do the Thals attack? A: The Daleks; Q: Who are killed when their power supply is cut off? Summary: The TARDIS has brought the travellers to the planet Skaro where they meet two indigenous races - the Daleks, malicious mutant creatures encased in armoured travel machines, and the Thals, beautiful humanoids with pacifist principles. They convince the Thals of the need to fight for their own survival. Joining forces with them and braving Skaro's many dangers, they launch a two-pronged attack on the Dalek city. The Daleks are all killed when, during the course of the fighting, their power supply is cut off.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Monica and Chandler are making out on one of the chairs.] Joey: (entering) Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!! None of that, not while you're living under my roof! Monica: What?! Joey: Look, just because I know about you two, doesn't mean I like looking at it. Chandler: Aren't you supposed to be at an audition for another hour? Joey: Well, I'm sorry if I'm not a middle-aged black woman! (Starts for his room.) And I'm also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition! Okay, look, if I have to pretend I don't know about you two, then you two are gonna have to pretend there's nothing to know about. Chandler and Monica: Okay. Monica: Sorry. Chandler: Sorry. (They wait for Joey to go into his room and close the door and then start making out again.) Joey: (from the bedroom) I can hear that! Monica: (To Chandler) Rachel's at work. (They both go to her apartment.) (Pause.) Joey: I can still hear you! Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are there as Phoebe enters carrying a large box.] Phoebe: Hey! Joey: Hey! Chandler: Hello! Monica: Hey, what's that? Phoebe: Yeah, my mom sent me a family heirloom that once belonged to my grandmother. Can you believe it?! A year ago I didn't even have a family, and now I have heirlooms for crying out loud. (She puts her leg up on the chair and removes this huge knife from her boot to open the box with. The guys are shocked at the knife's existence.) Phoebe: Eeeee-(She opens the box and removes its contents and sees that it's a fur coat.)-ohh!! God! (She throws it at Joey.) Joey: Argh-argh!! (Catches the coat.) Ooh, soft. Is this mink? Phoebe: Yeah! Why would my mother send me a fur? Doesn't she know me but at all! Plus, I have a perfectly fine coat that no innocent animal suffered to make! Chandler: Yeah, just some 9-year-old Filipino kids who worked their fingers bloody for 12 cents an hour. (Phoebe stares at him wide-eyed. Chandler sees her reaction.) That didn't happen, I made that up! Ross: (entering) Hey! Gunther: Oh, Ross? Ross! You can't put up flyers in here. Ross: How come? Everybody else does. Gunther: You can't. Monica: What is that? Ross: Oh, umm, I'm just getting rid of a couple of things. Monica: (looking at the flyer) This is all of your things. Ross: Yes, yes it is! No, but it's good it's-Emily thinks we should get all new stuff. Stuff that's just ours, together. Y'know brand new. Monica: So basically, this is a getting-rid-of-everything-Rachel-ever-used sale. Ross: Touched. Used. Sat on. Sleep on. Gunther: I'll take it all. Joey: Hey, Ross, you're okay with that? Ross: Look, if I can just do what Emily wants and get her to New York, I'm sure everything will be fine. Chandler: Okay, but don't you think this is a little extreme? Ross: After what I did? Can you blame her? Phoebe: Oh my God! You got off easy! When my friend Silvie's husband said someone else's name in bed, she cursed him and turned his thingy green. (Ross suddenly gets up and heads for the bathroom.) Joey: (after Ross is gone) What is he doing? What, Emily, thinks Ross's furniture has got Rachel coodies? Monica: Now calm down Joey. Joey: No! Everything's gettin' all messed up, y'know? Emily won't let Ross see Rachel, we're not gonna stop seeing Rachel, hence Ross stops seeing us! Phoebe: Oh, I hate this. Everything's changing. Chandler: Yeah I know, we're losing Ross, Joey said hence... Monica: Look, I'm not happy about this either, but y'know if-if Ross says he's happy then we're just gonna have to keep our feelings about Emily to ourselves. Are you cool with that? Joey: No! But y'know, I'm an actor, I'll act cool. [Scene: The Storage Room in the basement of Monica and Rachel's building, Monica and Rachel are looking for something.] Rachel: Ohh, whoa God! Storage rooms give me the creeps! Monica, come on please hurry up honey! Please? Monica: Rachel, if you want the little round waffles, you gotta have to wait until I find the little waffle iron. Rachel: I want the little round waffles. Monica: All right. (Looking through a box.) Op, here it is! Right underneath the can of-of bug bomb. I wonder if the best place to put something that cooks food is underneath the can of poison? (The single light flickers and goes out. Leaving the room in total darkness.) Rachel: Okay, y'know what? I'll-I'll have toast! (She starts to run out but is stopped by a figure looming out of the darkness carrying a pick axe.) Rachel: Arghhhh!!!!!! (They both start screaming at the top of their lungs.) Monica: Oh my God! Fog him! Fog him! (Rachel grabs the bug bomb, activates it, throws it at the figure, and they both run out through the fog.) [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are there.] Phoebe: I don't know what I'm gonna do about this coat. Joey: I'll take it! Phoebe: That might work! (She gives him the coat.) Joey: Ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah! (He drapes it around his shoulders.) Enh? All right, what do you think? Chandler: You're on in 5 Ms. Minnelli. Ross: (on the phone) No-no-no, it's just a bit sudden. (Listens) No, it's great. Okay? I'm totally on board. I love you too, all righty. Bye. (Hangs up.) Joey: What's the matter Ross? Ross: Nothing. Oh, actually, great news! I just got off the phone with Emily and it looks like I'm moving to a new apartment. Woo-hoo! Phoebe: Why? Ross: Well, her thought is, and I agree, fresh new furniture, why not a fresh new apartment? Her cousin has this great place to sublet, it's got a view of the river on one side and Columbia on the other. Joey: That's way uptown! That's like three trains away! (Phoebe pinches him.) Which is great! I love to ride that rail! Chandler: So you're really okay with this? Ross: Yes! Yes! I mean it's-it's kinda far from work, but uh, y'know, I'll get so much done on the commute. I-I've been given the gift of time! Chandler: Now that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum. (Ross exits.) Joey: Now he's movin'? Man, what is Emily doing to him? (Phoebe pinches him again.) Ow!! He's not even here!!! (Monica and Rachel enter breathless.) Rachel: You guys! You guys! Monica: We were, we were just in the storage area and we saw this really creepy man! Rachel: It was like this crazy-eyed, hairy beast man! He was like a, like a bigfoot or a yeti or something! Monica: And he came at us with an axe, so Rachel had to use a bug bomb on him! Rachel: (proud of herself) Yeah, I-I-I just pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass! Joey: Uhh, like dark hair, bushy beard? Rachel: Yeah! Joey: Yeah, you fogged Danny. Rachel: Please! We did not fog Danny! Who's Danny? Joey: Dan just moved in downstairs. Yeah, he just got back from like this four-month trek in the Andes. Nice fella. Monica: Oh he's nice. He's nice! Y'know, you always stick up for the people we fog! [Scene: Their Building, Monica and Rachel are going to apologize to Danny. Rachel knocks on his door, which he opens and he has this really bushy beard and long hair. Picture Paul Bunyan.] Danny: Yeah? Rachel: Hi! You might not remember us, but we are the girls that fogged you. Monica: We're-we're really sorry we fogged you. Danny: Okay. (He closes the door. Rachel's not happy with that and knocks again. He opens the door.) Rachel: Hi! Just so you know, we-we didn't mean to fog you, we thought you were like a yeti or something. Danny: Okay. (He closes the door again. Once again, Rachel knocks (harder this time) and he answers it.) Danny: Yesss? Rachel: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I don't think we can accept your acceptance of our apology, it just doesn't really seem like you mean it. Monica: Yeah. Danny: O-kay! (He closes the door before Rachel can say anything.) Monica: Wow! That guy is so rude! Rachel: Really! What is with that guy? I mean you'd forgive me if I fogged you. Monica: Well you did a little bit. Rachel: Oh my God, honey, I'm so sorry! Monica: I totally forgive you! Rachel: Really? Monica: Yes! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is making a drink as Phoebe enters with the fur coat.] Phoebe: Hey! Monica: Hey! Phoebe: So listen, you know my friend Chris who owns the crematorium? Monica: Crematorium Chris? Sure! Phoebe: He says, that he would cremate my fur coat for free if I umm, y'know, bring in the next person I know who dies. (Rachel enters from the bathroom and sees the coat.) Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God, look at these pelts! Monica: Don't get too attached, she's having it cremated. Rachel: What? Uhh, Phoebe, honey, honey, I know you're quirky and I get a big kick out of it, we all do actually, but if you destroy a coat like this that is like a crime against nature! Not nature, fashion! Phoebe: This is fashion?! (Grabs the coat from Rachel.) Okay, so to you, death is fashion?! That's really funny. (She puts the coat on and starts to model it.) Here's Phoebe umm, sporting uh, y'know, cutting edge hairy carcass from y'know, the steal traps of wintry Russia. I mean, you really thing this looks good? (Sees herself in the mirror.) 'Cause I do. [Scene: Ross's Apartment, the gang is helping Ross move out by carrying boxes. Chandler has picked a particularly large and apparently heavy box, because he takes a running start at it and still can't budge it.] Ross: (on phone) I know I miss you too. I can't wait to see you. I love you. Bye. (Hangs up.) Chandler: Okay, what is in here? Rocks? Ross: No-no, this is my collection of fossil samples. Chandler: So, rocks. (He picks up a smaller box and carries it to the moving van as Joey returns.) Ross: I'm really gonna miss this apartment. Y'know, Ben-Ben took his first steps right over there. (Points.) Joey: Ohh. Hey, remember when I ran into this thing (The shutters that close off the kitchen.) and it kinda knocked me out a little? Ross: I loved this place! To tell you the truth, I wish I didn't have to move. Joey: Uhh, are you saying that you're not entirely happy about this? Ross: Well, I mean if uh, if Emily gave me a choice... Joey: You do have a choice!! Ross, why are you listening to her?! Are you, are you crazy?! Ross: Why? Joey: It's not right what Emily wants you to do! She is totally-(The gang enters behind Joey and Phoebe pinches him again.)-Owww!! Stop pinching me! Look, now you guys said I only had to keep my mouth shut as long as Ross was happy, right? Well he just told me that he's not entirely happy. Ross: What's going on? Joey: We all hate Emily! Phoebe: Nooo!! Monica: No, Ross, we do not hate Emily. We-we just, we just think that you're having to sacrifice a whole lot to make her happy. Joey: Yeah! Chandler: Look, we just think that maybe she's being a little unreasonable. Joey: Yes! Yes! Unreasonable! Ross: Unreasonable? How about we have this conversation when one of you guys gets married! You have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work! All right, it's about compromise! Do you always like it? No! Do you do it? Yes! Because it's not all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time! It's real life, okay? It's what grown-ups do! (He storms out.) Phoebe: I think he's right. You guys hang out at the coffeehouse way too much. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler are recovering from Ross's rebuke.] Monica: God, I feel so guilty about Ross. Phoebe: Oh, I know. Joey: I kinda feel like it's my fault. (Monica and Chandler turn and stare at him.) Chandler: Kind of? If you just kept this to yourself none of this would've happened. Joey: Well, I'm keeping so many things to myself these days, something was bound to slip out! (He glares at Chandler.) Chandler: Well, I think it's very brave what you said. (Monica pats Joey on the shoulder.) Phoebe: All right, I can't sit here anymore. I have to walk places. (She puts on her fur coat.) Chandler: Pheebs, what are you doing with the coat? How about the whole animal rights thing? Phoebe: Well, I've been reading up and for your information, minks are not very nice. Okay, I admit it! I love this coat! Okay, I-it's the best thing I've ever had wrapped around me, including Phil Huntley! (She starts to leave but stops and says to Monica.) Remember Phil Huntley? He was fine! [Scene: Their building's lobby, Danny is checking his mailbox as Rachel enters carrying shopping bags and goes to her mailbox. Danny has shaved his beard and cut his hair, Rachel doesn't recognize him.] Rachel: Hi! Danny: So you like the short hair better. Rachel: What? Yeti-I mean Danny? Danny: I had to cut my hair to get rid of the uh, fogger smell. Rachel: Oh. Listen, I'm so sorry. I would, I would've never fogged you if y'know if you hadn't looked so.... Y'know. Danny: Absolutely. Some people are just into appearances. Rachel: (shocked) What? Danny: That's cool. Cool. (Starts to leave.) Rachel: What? Hey! No-no-no! This not cool! You don't even know me! Danny: Come on, you got the shopping bags and the Sack's catalog. Rachel: So from that you think you've got me all figured out? Well, you don't! Y'know I-I could have toys for underprivileged kids in here! Danny: Do you? Rachel: Well, y'know, if-if kids like to play with Capri pants. Danny: Okay. (Heads for his apartment.) Rachel: And stop saying that! I hate that! Danny: Okay! (Rachel decides not to give up that easily and follows him to his apartment and bangs on the door, which he opens.) Rachel: Fine! I judged you. I made a snap judgement. But you did it too! And you are worse because you are sticking to your stupid snap judgement! You can't even open up your mind for a second to see if you're wrong! What does that say about you? Danny: The pizza-place across the street any good? Rachel: What?! Danny: I'm hungry. Wanna get some pizza? You can keep yelling if there's more. Rachel: Okay. Okay. Danny: Stop saying that. I hate that. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Ross's now empty apartment, he is spackling some holes shut as the gang comes to apologize.] Chandler: Uh, Ross? Phoebe: Are you still mad at us? Ross: Yep. Phoebe: Oh good! Because we have an "I'm sorry" song. Ross: Y'know what? I'm really not in the mood. Joey: Look, Ross, I feel really bad. I mean, you're going through all this stuff and I just acted like a jerk. Chandler: Yeah, we are so sorry. Phoebe: (To Chandler) You're kinda stepping on the song. (She gets ready to play but is stopped by...) Joey: Look, we were way out of line, we totally support you. Monica: Whatever you decide, whatever you do. Phoebe: Okay, now you're just taking lines right out of the song! Ross: Look, this is hard enough! I really need you guys right now. Phoebe: Yes! Exactly! And that's why... (She starts to play her song, but is stopped by Monica.) Monica: Why don't you come over tonight? And I'll make you favorite dinner. Ross: Okay. Thanks you guys. Pheebs are you wearing fur? Phoebe: Okay, let's get some perspective people; it's not like I'm wearing a seeing-eye dog coat! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Rachel, are getting ready for dinner.] Joey: Hey, y'know Ross, I think I kinda understand why I kinda lost it today. Ross: You do, huh? Joey: Yeah you see umm, well, I'm an actor. Right? So I gotta keep my emotions right at the surface y'know? See what I'm saying? I gotta lot of balls in the air. (Makes like he's juggling.) Y'know what I mean? It's tough! Guys like me, y'know, you wander around, you're alone... Ross: What are you talking about? Joey: (thinks) I'm not sure. Rachel: (entering) Hi! Monica: Hey, look at you! Where have you been? Rachel: Oh, I went to have pizza. With Danny. Monica: How did that happen? Rachel: That yeti is one smooth talker. Monica: I hope you're not full, 'cause dinner's almost ready. Rachel: Yeah, y'know I-I think I'm just gonna hang out in my room. All: No! Why? Rachel: Come on you guys! Listen, if Emily knew I was here having dinner you with you she would flip out and you know it. It's okay, I really... I don't mind. Ross: Wait! Wait! Wait! Y'know what? Just stay. Please? It uh... It would really mean a lot to me if you stayed. Rachel: Ross, I... Joey: RACHEL PLEASE!!! JUST HAVE DINNER WITH US!!! Rachel: Okay. Okay. Joey, it's okay. Settle down. Joey: All right, I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You see Rach I'm an actor... [Time lapse, dinner is now finished and Ross is looking out the window.] Ross: Hey! Hey, look! Ugly Naked Guy's back! (They all run over to the window.) Rachel: I haven't seen him in so long! Phoebe: Oh God, I really missed that fat b*st*rd! (Pause.) Monica: Wow, this is so weird. I just realized this might be the last time we'll all be hanging out together. Joey: It's almost as if he knew. (The phone rings.) Monica: I'll get it. (On phone.) Hello. (Listens.) Hi Emily! (Listens.) Yeah, uh you-you tracked him down. Hold on one second. (She hands the phone to Ross.) Ross: Hey! (Listens.) Yeah-yeah, we're just having dinner. (Listens.) Uh, yeah, sure uh hold on. (To the gang.) She wants to say hi. (To Emily) Hold on. (Ross puts her on speakerphone.) Phoebe: Hi Emily! Chandler: Hi! Emily: Hello everyone. So who am I saying hello too? Joey: Well uh, I don't know about who's here, but I can tell you for damn sure who's not here and that's Rachel!! Emily: (laughs) Well, I should hope not. Ross knows better than that by now. (Rachel waves her hands in disgust and starts to head for her room.) Ross: Y'know what? Uh, Rachel is here! (Rachel stops.) Emily: She's there?! Chandler: Oh yeah, there-there she is! Ross: Yeah, yeah, she's here. Emily: Ross, take me off speakerphone. (He does so.) Ross: (on phone) Hi. Emily: How can you do this too me?! I thought I'd made my feelings about Rachel perfectly clear! Ross: (going onto the patio) Look Emily, I'm just having dinner with my friends, okay? Emily: You obviously can't keep away from her. Ross: Emily that's ridiculous. Look, I'm-I'm moving for you, I'm cutting friends out of my life for you. Please, just get on the plane and come to New York. Okay, you'll see you're the only person I want to be with. Emily: I'll feel better when I'm there, and I can know where you are all the time. Ross: Well, you can't know where I am all the time. Look, this marriage is never gonna work if you don't trust me. Emily: You're right. Ross: So, can you trust me? (Pause.) Emily: No. (Ross lowers his head.) [Cut to the inside of the apartment.] Joey: I think it's going okay. Looks like he's smiling. Monica: How can you tell? You can only see the back of his head! Joey: You can totally tell! Here look, watch me. (He stands up and turns his back to them so that he is facing the window.) Smile! Frown. Smile! Frown. (The camera cuts to Ross outside hanging up the phone.) Smile! (Ross turns around and sees Joey alternately smiling and frowning and just stares at him for a second and heads back inside.) Ross: Well, I guess that's it. All: Why, what happened? Joey: What happened? What happened? Ross: My marriage is over. All: What?! Monica: Oh, sweetie. Oh, look at you. You're shivering. Phoebe: Here. (She wraps her coat around his shoulders.) Rachel: Ross, honey, is there anything we can do? Ross: Yeah. You can help me get my furniture back from Gunther. Ending Credits [Scene: A curbside newsstand, Phoebe is whistling and walking up to it wearing her fur coat. She stops and starts to look through a magazine and notices a squirrel on a nearby tree chirping at her.] Phoebe: (to the squirrel) Okay, stop tormenting me! This mink! Okay, they're mean! And they hate squirrels! And y'know, okay, most of these probably wanted to be coats! (The squirrel stares at her.) All right, fine, now I get it. (To the clerk.) Here. (She hands him her coat.) You take it. (To the squirrel.) Are you happy now? I'm cold!
Plan: A: Phoebe's mother; Q: Who sent Phoebe a fur coat? A: her views; Q: What did Phoebe's mother cause her to rethink? A: Emily's demands; Q: What is the cause of Ross's marriage decision? A: his friends; Q: Who does Emily's demands on Ross annoy? A: a huge decision; Q: What does Ross make about his marriage? A: Monica; Q: Who and Rachel encounter what they think is a yeti man in the storage room? A: bug spray; Q: What did Monica and Rachel use to fog a yeti man? A: Joey; Q: Who explains that they fogged Danny? A: their building; Q: Where did Danny move into? A: his apartment; Q: Where did Rachel and Phoebe apologize to Danny? Summary: Phoebe's mother sends her a fur coat, causing her to rethink her views. Emily's demands on Ross become more unreasonable, annoying his friends, and causing him to make a huge decision about his marriage. Monica and Rachel encounter what they think is a yeti man in the storage room leading to them fogging him with bug spray. Joey later explains that they fogged Danny, who just moved into their building. Rachel and Phoebe go to his apartment to apologize for fogging him, though he brushes them off.