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Dataset card Data Studio Files Files and versions Community

Split (3)

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Ted (2030): Children, on your wedding day should be the happiest of your life, the culmination of a perfect love story. My marriage, at least the first has not gone so well. Ted reads the word of Stella while she on a boat, kissing Tony. Ted is with his friends at McClaren's. Ted: It's funny when I think about it. I was sure that Stella was good. When she left me, I was so devastated. But you helped me overcome that. Now the hard part is over. I came out a little louder. You know, I do not think further of it. This is the work of time, I guess. Lily: Ted, the wedding was yesterday. It's been 24 hours. Ted: I know. That's all I advance. A new chapter in my life begins today, and we'll celebrate. Here, we need two things.We need Kool and the Gang. It's time the jukebox! He rises from his chair, dancing and going to turn the jukebox. Barney: I watch this young man dancing near the jukebox, and I can not help thinking... Stella may have made the right choice. Ouch! Marshall: How can he dance here? He should be trying to smash the car with a club of Stella. Barney: Assumption. He is not pretending to be happy. Ted is really happy. He did not want to marry from the start. Ted had the best train dodge since Stand by Me Well, not the first kid, but others. Lily: No, it is a mess. Ted: It gauze? Lily: A mess. And one must be there for him. Ted (2030): But all my friends wanted to be there for me, I would, seemingly, well. Lily and Robin arrives at the apartment, a pizza in hand and beers. Lily: Hey, man. Robin: You wanna hang out? Ted: Girls, I'm fine. Marshall has a glove and a baseball ball. Marshall: Dude, you make some? Ted: I'm fine. Barney entered the apartment with two women. Barney: Hey, kid. Ted: Barney, I'm fine! It is not necessary, and it is rather unhealthy. Sorry, ladies. Barney: I did not know you'd be here. Girls stairwell. GENERIC The band is at the bar... Ted (2030): Finally, after two weeks, emotions eventually overflow. Ted: What do you want for dinner? Lily: Oh, the farm. I'm sorry, is that you have experienced something traumatic, and we try to be there for you, but do not you leave us, and it irritates us, selfish little whore. Sorry. Marshall: We are concerned that you faced not what happened with Stella. Do you remember when Lily left me? How I buried my emotions? Flashback Marshall is in the arms of Ted, on the couch, crying. Marshall: It... I... miss him so much. End flashback Robin: Yeah man, you've been a rock. Marshall: I should have been worse, OK? I should have my nerves, follow your advice and burn cases Lily. Lily: Super. Thank you, Ted. Marshall: I have not done it, and that's why I took so long to get better. So Ted, I want you explode. Release your rage.Ready? Now! Ted: It's OK. Barney: Guys, let him go. He is happy. Listen, if Ted was married, then he would be married, he would live in New Jersey, and he would be married. It is well. Good, let's eat. Let Flat Michael's? Ted: It is between the 44th and Lex. Impossible. Robin: Why? Ted: It is near the gym Stella. We could cross. Everywhere else, it's going. Robin: Ok, how about Hurley's? Ted: Stack between his office and dry cleaner. Sorry. Lily: Well, The Meatloaf Charlie? Ted: Two blocks from her mother's hairdresser. Barney: Okay, Ted, is there a place in Manhattan where one can dine? Ted: Of course. Look at this. Ted pulls out a map of Manhattan, half colored red. Robin: It's that thing? Ted: A reference card I made. A guide to places where you can meet Stella Zinman. The red areas: to avoid. White: OK.Blue: the sea Lily: This is ridiculous. Robin: The sea is blue. Lily: You can not live like this. Marshall: It leaves you on the altar, and it's you who're avoiding? Ted: Yes, I avoid it. What is the problem? It goes like this. Marshall: It's that "one" small dicks? Ted: No, 'on', it is the people of the great state of Ohio. When life is hard, we take the pain and bury us. And if the pain goes, is buried pain over another. Why cope when you can avoid?All I have to do is to never see her again, and I will have a long happy life. So who wants to eat? Lily: Someone told me of a tapas bar located in the white zone. Ted: Super. Let's go. Barney, Robin, Ted, Marshall and Lily are in the restaurant. Waiter: Have you decided? Ted: Not yet. Can we have almonds to the table? Waiter: Certainly. Ted: Well done, Lily. This place looks cool. That you talked about? Lily: I actually remember it. Oh Oh! Robin: What? Lily: I remember. Ted turns around and sees Stella. Ted: Oh my God! Oh my God! OK, stay cool. We'll just have to manage it. Everyone... follow me. He hides under the table. Marshall: Oh, you laugh. Lily: He is serious? Barney: I will not in this table. Possibly, in this one. Robin: She turns around. Everyone is hiding under the table. Ted: Think, think. Guys, stay there. I'll take a look. Marshall will look. Server: Do you want covered? Stella: No, I'm going home. Marshall: She took to win. Ted: She looks happy? She talked about me? I do not care.Where are the almonds? Barney: Where may well be nuts Ted? You should check the garage in the grip of Stella. Marshall: Will the yelling. Lily: You're maybe Ohio, but you live in New York now. We do not bury our emotions in New York. We take our emotions and they are sent to the other side! Ted: Let me go. You'd do the same if you were in this situation. Lily: I dream! There's not one person on Earth to which I would hide under a table. Ted: Really, not one? Not even... Gazeur? Lily: How dare you pronounce this name to me? Robin: Who is Gazeur? Lily: This is the last person I would like to see here. Michael purifier. This is a guy I was in high school. Flashback Lily is in progress. Lily: Michael was next to me in Biology. It was a failure for the entire college, but the summer before the third, he grew 30 cm and joined the baseball team. It was becoming a cool guy.Until one day... We hear someone fart. End flashback Barney: Lily, you're all been there. When we loose one, it's not pretty. Robin: You did what? Lily: Are you kidding? It was the third. I had a choice. Flashback Lily: Oh, my God, purifier! It gauze? Purifier: It was not me. That was it. Lily: Of course purifier. Or rather Gazeur. Gazeur! Purifier: I'm in the team baseball. I'm cool. End flashback Lily: The Gazeur nickname stuck. He had so much ridicule, he had to change schools. Barney: The kids are great. Lily: It made me always feel guilty. But if Gazeur... Michael...came now, as hard as it may be, I would go to Gazeur...Michael... and I should settle things between us. Robin: Clearing the air, as before. Oh, man. It does not happen often. You are welcome. The server slides under the table. Server: It's going guys? Ted: Let's just eat here, if possible. Server: This is your almonds. Ted: Thank you. You have a daily special? Marshall: Ted, this is ridiculous. Barney: I am a person who... Well, are facing. There are a bunch of people I do not want to see... as the group of "girls that I skipped"... but if one of them came here, I would stay there, and I would look into his eyes. For some, this would be the first time. Ted: Really, you hide from anybody? Not even... Becca Delucci? Barney: Son of a bitch. Host: Who is Becca Delucci? Barney: Do you mind? Robin: Who is Becca Delucci? Barney: Becca is this girl who lives in the North. I saw her from time to time. Ted: Where exactly in the north, Barney? Barney: Bedford Hills Federal Penitentiary. Flashback Barney is in the parlor with a woman. Barney: And yes, the visits were of a conjugal nature. End flashback Lily: That's not true? Barney: Really. And that I had with Becca was a perfect relationship. She was allowed to call me once a week. If it becomes too sticky, the armed guards stoppaient. I've never had to pay for dinner. In fact, this is false. I pay taxes. I guess we all paid for dinner. Thank you, guys. Anyway, at the last visit, I screwed up. Flashback Barney: I know it's hard, baby, but I'm in a prison too.Imprisoned in my heart. This room is ready or what? We can...? Woman: You're the only thing that kept me here. Barney: That's why I'm here, baby. I am your strength. I'm...Oh, my God. Hello, stranger. (He hangs up with the first woman prisoner and will talk to another who has just arrived) Barney Stinson, attorney. Let's talk about your output. Woman: Hell, no! The first woman throws herself on the other woman. End flashback Barney: Now I have letters from Becca who say, "I'll come see you the day I get out of here. I'll hang your eyes in my rearview mirror. "Women, eh? Ted: You see? Are you afraid of Becca. Lily is afraid of Gazeur. (Marshall head out from under the table) are still under the table. Marshall: We do not need. Stella is a party. Ted: Oh, my God. That's it, and that's it, the style Ohio. The problem manifested itself. It has been avoided. It is a party.Here you can dine in peace... Marshall: It comes back. (They go back under the table) We all think that you need... Wait, where is Barney? (Barney is in the next table) We think you should talk to him. Robin: Not me. Marshall: What? Robin: If the last person I wanted to see, came in I would not talk to him. Ted: Really? Lily: Who is it? Robin: My father. Barney: Boy, this sure is another table. What are we talking? Lily: From Robin's father. Robin: I have not spoken to him in 3 years and I want to start now. Lily: Why? Flashback A woman is giving birth. Robin: It goes back to my birth. Man: Come on, give me my son. Grows. End flashback Robin: He wanted a son and the fact that I am a girl has not changed. Ted: How so? Robin: My full name is Robin Charles Scherbatsky, Jr. And it only got worse. Flashback Robin's father gives him a gun. Robin: At 8, he took me hunting for the first time. I want to shoot a deer. Father of Robin: Trivia, RJ Shoot a deer is the most noble goals. Robin: But they're cute. Father: You said the same about our rabbits. You remember how they were delicious? End flashback Robin: My body started to change... Barney: Wait a second. Sorry, continues. Robin: It was increasingly hard for him to act as if I was a boy. Flashback Robin: The worst moment came in my 14 years. My junior hockey team had just won the "Squamish Invitational." And everybody came to my house to celebrate. Father: Guys, you have behaved splendidly there on the ice.Splendidly. You go outside. I come back with soft drinks and pretzels. Boy: I can not believe you hast missed the last shot, silly. Robin: You're an idiot. Boy: No, it's you, the idiot. Robin and kissing the boy when his father returns, and drops the tray. Father: What do you do? You are teammates, hockey players.Teammates do not kiss! Hockey players do not kiss! Oh, my God. I have no son. End flashback Barney: My poor. Being forced to grow up in Canada with America, right next door. Marshall: It's sad for your father, Robin, but congratulations for this game. Robin: And Kyle and I are doing anything serious. It was only the blue line. Barney: The blue line? Robin: You know when you're a kid, you give the terms of hockey at all? The blue line is the kiss, the red is to be naked, and I think that "crease" speaks for itself. After that, my relationship with my father has cooled. I moved with my mother, let my hair grow, was a Canadian pop star. Young normal stuff. Lily: You do not think you'd feel better if you talked to him? Robin: That's just it. It would be useless. This is history, it's done. I would say what? "I wish not to be raised as a boy, that thou teach me not to hunt, fish and smoke cigars and drinking scotch because girls do not do that. And you know why I run like a girl? Because I am one. " Ted: You kept it for quite some time, eh? Robin: Yes. Ted: It has returned to you. Marshall: Sorry. Barney: It's hot. Ted (2030): And I realized... all my friends were haunted, but there was a difference between my and their ghosts. It was not too late for me. Ted: I'll talk to him. (They go out from under the table, but Stella is gone) She's gone. I'll catch up. Barney: There, there. [SCENE_BREAK] They leave the restaurant and the taxi from Stella. Ted: There she is! Ted, Barney, Robin, Marshall and Lily are in a taxi. Ted: I see. It is two taxis right front. Not lose it, OK? Marshall: Well, well you do. You're going to confront it. Ted: I will face it. Robin: This is so exciting. Ted: Bluntly. Lily: You're gonna say what? Ted: I will say, "Sorry it did not work. "We will discuss in adults. She'll tell me his views and... I will listen. What I should have done more before. Barney: You can fly it into the lamp? Fasten your seat belts!Not you, Ted. Marshall: You have to get angry. Go ahead. Looking good. Ted: Come on. There is no question of moving his arms, stomping feet and get angry. This is Stella and I finally communicating. Clearly, it was... Marshall: Stella hated Star Wars. She lied to you. Seeking your feelings. You know it's true. Ted: That's his problem. Barney: Come on, Ted. She left you on the altar. Robin: I understand! Ted: In the name of all that is sacred... Lily: Wait, wait! Where it goes? His taxi has missed the exit for the Lincoln Tunnel. Robin: Why take it away to bring him back in New Jersey, anyway? Ted: Maybe she goes to his office. Marshall: No. Flashback At the restaurant... Marshall: The waiter asked him: "Do you want covered? "And she said:" I'm going home. " End flashback Ted: If she goes to her, why you go to...? Oh, my God. Tony lives in the city center. "At home" is Tony's apartment. She would move in with me in New Jersey and moved to town, Tony? The bitch! Marshall: Finally. Finally, my friend. Ted: I have the balls too! Marshall: I know and I love it! It's great! Sir, we will pay gladly handle that has been broken. I love Ted angry! Ted: Me too! Marshall: Lets get out, man, let out. Lily: She stops. Ted: That's it. That's it! Marshall: Yes, Ted. Come on, buddy! Robin: Get rid of your demons! Barney: I have ants in my leg! Lily: OK, wait. Wait... Marshall: What are you doing? Lily: Wait. Listen, Ted, it's great that you're angry... Marshall: Sure. Lily:... and that you face all that, but... you only have one chance. Take a moment and think about what you will say. Ted: I know exactly what I say. (Ted comes out of the taxi) You chose the wrong guy. You chose the wrong guy. You did a very, very, very bad choice. What were you thinking? This guy? You kidding me? Have you learned anything these past 8 years? You'll be sorry. You know it? You'll be sorry, and you can do anything about it because it is too late. Anything you can do is start up your life miserable and disappointing that will never be as happy as it could be with me. Goodbye. Stella: Ted, wait. Ted: Look, I'm not there to pick you. I am here because I need to know that you know you've made the worst mistake of your life. Stella: I know. Ted: Okay. (Ted is still in the taxi) This is what I say. Marshall: It kills! Barney: From cold blood. Lily: Okay, tell him that. Ted down the taxi and went to see Stella who does the same. Ted (2030): So I got out of the cab, ready to tell her everything, ready to explode but then... Tony is dating his daughter, Lucy in her arms. Lucy: Mom! Ted (2030): Here we go at once. And it was over. At this point, I was not angry. I saw that she was made to be with him.Children, you might think that the only choices are to swallow his anger, or swing at someone. There is another option: you can let it flow, and when you do that, we can forget and move forward. And that was the perfect ending to a perfect love story.It was just not mine. Mine was always there, waiting for me.	Plan: A: dinner; Q: What was the group out for when Ted runs into someone from his past? A: the gang; Q: Who does Ted go out for dinner with? Summary: While out for dinner with the gang, Ted runs into someone from his past that prompts each of them to think about how they would handle bumping into someone they'd rather forget.
[Scene: Monica's Restaurant Kitchen, she is frantically working and is handing two finished dishes to a waitress.] Monica: Okay, now this one is rare, this one is medium well! Now go-go-go! (Phoebe enters) Hey Phoebe! Phoebe: Hey! Monica: Hey how was dinner?! Phoebe: Dinner was good! Monica: Okay! Phoebe: I'm just saying hi! Now I'm gonna go! Monica: Okay! (Phoebe turns to leave but notices an attractive man.) Phoebe: (To him) Oh, well hello there. Guy: Hi. Phoebe: (To Monica) I didn't see this on the menu. Monica: Uh Tim? This is Phoebe. Phoebe this is Tim, my new sous chef. Phoebe: Oh, so you're Monica's boss? Tim: Actually she's my-my boss. Sous is French for under. Phoebe: Oh! I sous stand. Monica: Hey Tim? I need a calamari and a Caesar salad. And umm, could you get me the pesto? Tim: Yeah. Phoebe: Oh you...you made pesto? Tim: Yes I did. Phoebe: Would you say your pesto is the best-o? Tim: I...I-I don't know, but I would say it's pretty good-o. (Phoebe laughs too hard.) (Monica goes over and grabs the pesto.) Monica: All right, I still need a calamari and a Caesar salad. Tim: I like your necklace. Phoebe: I made it myself. Tim: You are so talented. Phoebe: Well, it's no pesto. Monica: All right, all right! Let's just cut to the chase, okay? (To Phoebe) You're single. (To Tim) You're single. (To Phoebe) He gets off work at eleven. (To Tim) She'll be waiting for your call. (To Phoebe) I'll give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! (Everyone in the kitchen stops.) I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar. Opening Credits [Scene: Chandler's Office, he's working at his computer as his boss, Mr. Franklin, sticks his head in.] Mr. Franklin: Wow Bing! Burning the midnight oil. Chandler: You know me sir. Oh ah, I do have a question for ya. Do you know how I get around the office computer network so I can access the really good Internet p0rn? Mr. Franklin: You're a joker Bing. (Walks away.) Chandler: What's funny about that? Ross: (running up) Hey! Sorry I kept you waiting so long. Chandler: Hey that's okay. So, where do you want to go? Ross: Oh ah, I think you know where I want to go. Chandler: The Hard Rock Café? Ross: Yeah! Chandler: Again?! Ross: Yeah!! (They go out to the elevators.) Ross: I'm telling you, I like the food! Chandler: You like the Purple Rain display! (A guy walks up.) Hey Bob. Bob: Hey Toby! Have a good night. (Walks by.) Ross: Did that guy just call you Toby? Chandler: Yeah, he thinks that's my name. Ross: Well, why don't you correct him? Chandler: Oh it's been going on way to long now. Y'know, I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didn't say anything. And then the next time he said, "Hey Toby, do you want a donut?" And I-I wanted a donut. And now it's five years later, the donut's gone and I'm still Toby. Ross: Five years?! Chandler you have to tell him! Chandler: No! That would be so awkward! Look-Besides, we work in different departments. He's on the sixth floor y'know? So he calls me Toby once in a while. What's the big deal? It could be worse, it's not like he's calling me Muriel. (Chandler suddenly freezes into place.) Ross: (laughs) Muriel. Wh-why would he call you Muriel? (Ross realizes something.) Oh my God! Chandler M Bing? It's not just an M, your middle name is Muriel!! Chandler: Shh! It is a family name! Ross: Chandler Muriel Bing. Boy, your parents never gave you a chance did they? [Scene: Days Of Our Lives set, Joey is doing a scene with a co-star as Rachel watches on a monitor.] Joey's Co-Star: Drake, I've discovered the reason for all your headaches and memory loss. Dr. Drake Ramoray: What is it? Joey's Co-Star: Apparently your brain transplant was not entirely successful. It seems your body is rejecting Jessica's brain. Dr. Drake Ramoray: Is it serious? Joey's Co-Star: Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain. Dr. Drake Ramoray: Well that sounds simple enough, let's just do that. Joey's Co-Star: We would, but when we went to exhume Jessica's body, it was gone. (Dramatic music plays and Joey does a little 'Smell-the-fart' acting.) Director: Cut! Very nice people! Joey: (To Rachel) Okay, let me just get changed and we can go to dinner. Rachel: Well don't-What happened to Jessica's body?! Joey: I'm not telling, you'll have to see it on TV! Rachel: You don't know do you? Joey: No, couldn't care less. Joey's Co-Star: Hey good scene man. Joey: Hey you too! Joey's Co-Star: Alright. (Rachel clears her throat.) Joey: What? You weren't in it. Rachel: Oh! (Motions to Joey's co-star.) Joey: Oh sorry. Uh-uh, Kash? Kash: Yes? Joey: This is my friend Rachel. Rachel, Kash, Kash, Rachel. Rachel: Hi. Kash: Hey! How come I haven't seen you here before? Rachel: Well, Joey probably thinks I'll just embarrass him. Y'know, he thinks I'm some kind of a soap opera nut-Which I'm not! I'm not. Although I do know that your uh, your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. (Starts stroking his arm) And uh, and that your-your dog's name is Wally. Well look at that, I'm just stroking your arm. Joey: (grabbing her) Here we go! Here we go! (Starts to pull her away from Kash.) Rachel: Oh, we're leaving. Bye Kash. Kash: Bye. Rachel: Say hi to Wally. [Scene: Central Perk, Monica is getting coffee as Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Ooh Monica! Monica: Hi! Phoebe: Oh my God! I had the best time with Tim last night. He is so sweet! Oh, I can't wait to get sous-neath him. Monica: I...I have to fire him. Phoebe: But why?! Monica: Because he's terrible! Okay, he's slow, he burns things, last night he lit my pastry chef on fire! Phoebe: Well maybe he was just nervous, y'know you can be very intimidating. And besides I've met your pastry chef and she can stand to be taken down a peg or two. Monica: Well, now she has no eyebrows, mission accomplished. Phoebe: But Monica, he loves his job so much! Can you just give him another chance? Please? Monica: (thinks about it) All right, but if-if he lights someone else on fire he is out of there! Phoebe: That's fair! Thank you so much. Thanks. Oops, it looks like when he got the pastry chef he got you a little bit too. Monica: I paid to have this done. Phoebe: Love it! [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating at the counter as Joey enters.] Joey: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Joey: Oh you know uh Kash, really liked you the other day. He said he thought you were charming. Rachel: I thought I was a complete idiot. Joey: Hey, I'm with you. He even asked me if I thought you'd go out with him. Rachel: Oh! Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up a little bit. What did you say? Joey: I said no. Rachel: What?! Joey: What? I...I just figured since you're pregnant you're not gonna be seeing people. Rachel: Okay Joey, first of all Kash Ford is not people. Second of all, what did he say when you told him I was pregnant? Joey: I didn't tell him. I didn't know if you were telling people. This is back when I thought Kash was still people. Rachel: Good-good, don't tell him. Don't tell him. Just have him call me okay? Joey: Rach look, I really don't think that's such a great... Rachel: Okay, you go do it! I'll come back to that set! I'll meet more actors! I'll meet 'em all! [Scene: Chandler's Office Building, Chandler is walking by the elevators and sees Bob standing there.] Chandler: Hey Bob. Bob: Hey! How's my pal Toby doing today? Chandler: If I see him, I'll ask. Bob: (laughs) Toby! (The elevator doors opens, Bob boards the elevator, Chandler walks away, and Mr. Franklin steps out of the elevator.) Mr. Franklin: Hey-hey! Bing? Was that Bob from six you were just talking too? Chandler: Yeah! Mr. Franklin: Oh then you know each other. Chandler: We're on a semi-first name basis. Mr. Franklin: What do you think of adding him to our team? Chandler: Bob? Ooh, working here with us? Everyday? Yeah, I don't know if he has what it takes. Mr. Franklin: Really? They love him down on six. Chandler: But this is eleven. It's almost twice as hard up here. Mr. Franklin: Okay, I hear you loud and clear. Bob will stay put. Chandler: I think it's best sir. Mr. Franklin: But we really do need to find someone up here. The work is starting to pile up. I've got a stack of documents on my desk this high. (Holds his hand at shoulder level.) Chandler: Y'know what you should do, just toss 'em in the shedder and claim you never got 'em. Mr. Franklin: (laughs) That's a good one. (Walks away.) Chandler: What does a guy have to do to be taken seriously around here?! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is in the kitchen as Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Hey! Monica: Hey. Okay, I gave him another chance, but Tim has got to go! Phoebe: But... Monica: No! No-no! He is totally incompetent. I called the chef who recommended him to me. He said, "Ha-ha! Gotcha!" Phoebe: Okay. Okay, but you can't fire him today. Monica: Why not?! Phoebe: Because I'm dumping him today. Monica: What?! You said he was sweet! Phoebe: He is sweet. He's too sweet. He calls me all the time. (Mimicking him) "So did-did you get home from work okay?" "Did-did you get out of the shower okay?" Monica: Just don't pick up your phone. Phoebe: Then he comes over! (Mimicking him) "I'm so worried about you." Uck! Be a man! Monica: What? So now I'm not allowed to fire him? Phoebe: You can't fire him and dump him the same day, he'll kill himself. Monica: Okay well then, I'll fire him today and you go out with him for another week. Phoebe: Are you kidding?! Another week with that sip, I'll kill myself! Monica: Okay well, then we'll both do it today and he'll just have to deal with it! Phoebe: Okay. But the question is who's gonna go first. 'Cause whoever goes second is the bitch. Monica: What do you mean? Phoebe: Come on! The boss that fires a guy that's just been dumped, bitch! And the woman who dumps a guy that's just been fired, blond bitch! Monica: I wanted to do this days ago so I think I should go first. Phoebe: All right, that makes sense. (Starts towards the door.) Ugh. But-Screw you I'm going first! (She grabs her purse and runs out.) [Scene: Chandler's Office Building, Bob is standing at the elevators and sees Chandler walk up.] Bob: Hey Toby, you got a sec? Chandler: Sure, what's up? Bob: I just had a meeting, I was actually hoping to get transferred up here, but I just found out its not gonna happen. Apparently somebody thinks I'm not eleventh floor material. Say uh, who the hell is this Chandler? [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date and Joey is reading a magazine.] Rachel: Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I'm not drinking on this date tonight. "Umm, I'm a recovering alcoholic. I'm a Mormon," or "I got so hammered last night I'm still a little drunk?" Ross: (entering with a pizza and beer) Hey! Rachel: Hi! Joey: Hey! Ross: So, what do you want to do tonight? There's a Ukrainian film at the Angelica that's supposed to be very powerful. Interested? Joey: No. No. But I'll go see a normal person movie with ya. Ross: Rach? You wanna come? Rachel: Oh no, I can't. I got a date. Ross: A date? Rachel: Yeah. Why? Is that weird for you? Ross: Why no, it's the opposite of weird. It's-it's uh, regular. It's-it's uh, it's mundane. It's actually uh, a little dull. Joey: It's no Ukrainian film. Rachel: Yeah-Ooh! Earrings! (Goes into her room.) Ross: A date?! She's-she's got a date?! With who? Joey: I set her up with this actor on my show. Ross: You set her up?! Joey: No Ross: Joey what-what were you thinking?! Joey: Well, I was thinking that it'd probably be okay because Ross hasn't gone out with Rachel in five years! Ross: Joey, I'm not worried about her! I'm worried about my baby! Whoever she dates my baby dates! Now-now where is this (makes the quote-marks sign) actor taking them? Joey: Hey! I'm an (does the quote-marks thing as well) actor too! I'm not sure. I think they're taking the ferry out to some Italian place on Staten Island. Ross: A ferry? My baby is going on a ferry? Do you have any idea how dangerous those are?! Joey: Are we talking about one of those big boats that carry cars that go like five miles an hour? Ross: Why don't they just jump out of an airplane?! Huh?! That-that's a fun date! Or burn each other with matches?! That's fun too! Whew!! (There's a knock on the door and Joey answers it.) Kash: Hey Joey. Joey: Hey Kash. Uh hey-hey this is Ross. Ross, this is Kash. Kash: Hey. Ross: Hi. I-I hear you're going on a ferry tonight. Kash: Yeah. Ross: A bit of a daredevil are we? Rachel: (entering from her room) Hey guys do you think this is too slutty-Hi Kash! Kash: Hey Rachel! You ready to go? Rachel: Yeah! All right, I'll see you guys later. Ross: Okay. Have a great time you guys. Rachel: Thank you. Kash: Thank you. Ross: Yes it is too slutty! (Joey slams the door before Rachel could hear the entire sentence.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is reading a magazine as Tim enters.] Tim: (walks behind Phoebe) Hi! (And startles her.) Phoebe: Hi. Tim: Oh, I'm so glad you called. I feel like it's always me calling you. So, what's up? Is everything okay with Phoebe? Phoebe: It will be...in a minute. Listen, Tim you're a really great guy. Tim: It's because I'm with you. Phoebe: Aw. (Phoebe gets a bad taste in her mouth when he looks away) I'm just-I'm in a place in my life right now where I...I... (Tim's beeper goes off and he answers it.) Tim: Whoops. Sorry. (Looking at it, like a newscaster) This just in. (Phoebe fake laughs.) Oh, it's 9-1-1 from the restaurant, that means Monica needs me right away. (Starts to leave.) Phoebe: Oh-oh no she doesn't! I know what that is. You can stay. Tim: Awww, I'll miss you too Pheebs. (Starts to leave) And I will be holding you, right here. (Holds his hands over his heart, blows a kiss to Phoebe who catches it, and then leaves and Phoebe throws the kiss back.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are having dinner.] Joey: So what movie do you want to see-And not another one I have to read. Okay? I get enough of that from books. Ross: Books? Joey: All right, car magazines, cereal boxes, but it's like enough! Ross: Well, I tell you what. Why don't we uh, why don't we just stay here? Let's not see a movie, we'll just hang. Joey: And just wait for Rachel to come back from her date? Ross: Hey, if that's what you want to do I'm not gonna say no. Joey: Dude! What is going on?! Ross: I just...I have to find out how it went. Joey: Why? Ross: This guy could be my baby's stepfather! Joey: They go on one date and you're worried about them getting married?! He's not you! Ross: I just-I-I can't believe she's-she's dating?! Joey: Well Ross, what did you think she was gonna do? Ross: I don't know! I guess I just can't believe any of this is happening. Joey: What do you mean? Ross: It's just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susan's, it's like-It breaks my heart a little. I mean I've always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Y'know? Maybe fight over the science section. Joey: That's a nice picture. Maybe you can still have that! Ross: No! No I can't. I mean Rachel's out with some guy. My baby went with her. If anything that picture keeps moving further away. Joey: Hey, can I ask you something? In this, in this picture of you and your wife, is your wife Rachel? Ross: It used to be. Now she doesn't really have a face. Smokin' body though. Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isn't Rachel. Ross: No but ahh! How much easier would it be if it were? Joey: I know, but I don't think that's what she wants. Ross: No, it's not what I want either. I mean I-I can't force myself to fall in love with her again now. Joey: That's okay Ross maybe you need a new picture. Okay? It's not gonna be what you thought, but no matter what there's gonna be a brand new little baby, your baby. Who cares what the picture looks like? Ross: Yeah. Joey: Hey, I tell you what. Let's you and me go out and have some fun. Huh? Whatever you want. Come on! Ross: (checks his watch) We can still catch that Ukrainian film. Joey: No, I said fun! [Scene: Outside Chandler's Office, Chandler is just about to go into his office when Bob calls for him from behind.] Bob: Hey Toby! Chandler: Hey Bobby. Bob: It's Bob actually. Hey, you work up here, can you tell me where this Chandler Bing's office is? Chandler: Uhh yeah. Yeah, it's (Points down the hall) right, right down there. (When he has Bob looking down the hall, he turns around and knocks his nameplate off of his door.) Right there, yeah. Can I ask you why? Bob: I want to talk to that bstrd, see what his problem is. Chandler: Okay Bob listen uhh, I'm the reason you didn't get the job up here. Bob: Toby don't. Chandler: Bob! Bob: Toby! I'm not gonna let you cover for him. Anything you say right now will just get me more upset with Chandler! Chandler: Well that puts me in a difficult position. [Scene: Monica's Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is waiting for Tim who enters.] Monica: Hey. Tim: I got your page, is everything okay? Monica: Uh well that depends, how are things with Phoebe? Tim: Oh it's great! It's great! Thank you so much for introducing us! Monica: Oh my pleasure. Okay, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. (Phoebe enters.) Phoebe! Phoebe: Monica! Monica: (simultaneously) You're fired! Phoebe: (simultaneously) I'm breaking up with you! Tim: What? Phoebe: I'm, I'm breaking up with you. Monica: You're fired. Tim: Why? Phoebe: I'm sorry, I'm just-I'm...I'm just not ready for a relationship right now. Monica: Yeah and-and I'm sorry too. But, well I just-I like things done a certain way and the chemistry's just not right. Phoebe: Oh that's good, the chemistry thing for us too. Tim: Wow! Umm, okay. Umm... (To Phoebe) I-I-I realize I came on a little strong but, it's only because I think you're so amazing. (To Monica) And uh, I-I just wanna, I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here because I-you're the most talented chef I've ever worked for. Anyway... (Starts to leave and Phoebe and Monica trade looks.) Monica: Tim wait! Tim: Yeah? Monica: Umm, I think I spoke too quickly. There-there's a learning curve with this job and maybe we can try it again. Tim: Really? Monica: Yeah. Tim: Thank you so much! 'Cause I-I know I can do better! Monica: Okay. (They both look at Phoebe.) Phoebe: And Tim I just wanna say, good luck here. (Shakes his hand and leaves, which disgusts Monica.) [Scene: A Street, Ross is walking past a newsstand and sees Rachel.] Ross: Hello. Rachel: Hi! Ross: Well, how was the date? Rachel: Well I'm alone and I just bought fifteen dollars worth of candy bars, what do you think? Ross: Uh-huh. What happened? Rachel: I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant. Ross: Ah, he didn't uh, take it so well? Rachel: Well better than you, but y'know still not what you want. Ross: Oh? Rachel: He got all weird and sputtery and then he said uh, "Yeah, I hear those hemorrhoids are a bitch." Ross: He sounds swell. Rachel: Doesn't he? Ross: Hey, wanna...wanna a little cheering up? Rachel: Yes. Ross: Sit down. Rachel: Okay. (They sit on some front steps.) Ross: Guess whose middle name is Muriel. Rachel: (thinks then gasps) Chandler M. Bing? Ross: Yeah-ha! Rachel: Oh my God. (Laughs) Ross: I'm sorry about your date. Rachel: Oh it's all right. I'm guess I'm just done with the whole dating thing. It's one more thing in my life that's suddenly completely different. This is hard. Ross: Yeah I know. (Pause) On the other hand in um, in about seven months you're gonna have something that you're gonna love more than any guy you've ever gone out with. Just wait. Wait until uh, wait until the first time your baby grabs your finger. You have no idea. Rachel: Thanks sweetie. Ross: You wanna, you wanna grab some coffee? Rachel: Oh no, I think I'm gonna go home and eat ten candy bars. Ross: Hey, I thought I cheered you up. Rachel: Oh you did, there are twenty in here. Ross: Right. Good night. Rachel: Good night. (He kisses her on the cheek and heads to Central Perk.) [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering and Mona from the wedding recognizes him.] Mona: Ross? Ross: Yeah? Mona: Hey it's Mona! From the wedding. Ross: Oh hi! Mona: Hi! Ross: Wow! Uh...how are you? Mona: I'm good except umm, you still owe me a dance. Ross: Oh that's right. Well uh, would you be interested in seeing a Ukrainian film? Mona: (laughs then stops) Oh you're serious. Sure! Ross: Great! Well umm... (Ross continues to talk to her as the camera pans to show Rachel standing in the doorway.) Mona: I think I might need one more cup of coffee. Ross: Sure! Uh, let me get it for ya. Mona: Okay. (Rachel watches that and slowly backs out to head for home.) Dedicated to the Memory of Richard L. Cox, Sr. Closing Credits [Scene: Chandler's Office, Bob is ransacking Chandler's office.] Chandler: (entering) Bob. Bob! Bob!!! (He turns around) What the hell are you doing?! Bob: I just found out this is Chandler's office! Come on Toby, give me a hand! (He thinks about it and decides to join in by turning over a chair and continue ransacking the place.)	Plan: A: Phoebe; Q: Who begins dating a guy who works for Monica? A: a problem; Q: What does Phoebe's relationship with Monica's employee cause? A: the same day; Q: When does Monica plan to fire the guy Phoebe is dating? A: Chandler's name; Q: What does a guy at Chandler's work think is Toby? A: Rachel; Q: Who goes on a date with Joey's costar despite being pregnant? A: Ross' annoyance; Q: What is the reaction of Ross to Rachel dating Joey's costar? Summary: Phoebe begins dating a guy who works for Monica, causing a problem when Phoebe wants to dump him on the same day Monica plans to fire him. A guy at Chandler's work thinks that Chandler's name is Toby. Rachel goes on a date with Joey's costar, despite being pregnant, much to Ross' annoyance.
THE GREEN DEATH BY: ROBERT SLOMAN 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE CAPTAIN YATES: Just concentrate on the blue crystal, Mr. James. (James stares at the crystal.) CAPTAIN YATES: As you look, you'll see it glow. Watch carefully. (To James, the jewel starts to give off its blue flare. His face creases as the light burns into his mind. The glow grows more intense until James gives out a gasp and staggers backwards. YATES pockets the crystal and goes to help the little man.) CAPTAIN YATES: Mr. James? (He gently slaps the cheek of the uncomprehending man.) CAPTAIN YATES: Your mind's clear now. You have to tell me what's going to happen. JAMES: (Gasps.) Takeover...by the BOSS...at four o'clock this afternoon...the computer is going to... (There is suddenly an electronic howl. James grasps his ears and falls dead to the floor. YATES examines him but a sudden voice makes him look up.) STEVENS: Just can't depend on anyone. (STEVENS and two guards stand at the console.) STEVENS: Can you, Mr. Yates? [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY (The BRIGADIER enters the Wholeweal laboratory with a small open box in his hand. He takes it to the DOCTOR is examining a slide under a microscope.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: This the sort of thing you mean? (The DOCTOR looks. The box contains a piece of coal rock with a trail of the green slime across it.) DOCTOR: Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Well done, Brigadier. Now I can really get on. (The DOCTOR starts to scrape some of the slime onto a slide.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, I must get a bite to eat. Seems a long time since breakfast. DOCTOR: Yeah, well Nancy's gone to make some sandwiches, I believe. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: All that fungus stuff? DOCTOR: Yes, why? Don't you like it? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Rather have a slice of beef. What are you trying to do? (The DOCTOR takes the slide over to another microscope and inserts it.) DOCTOR: Carry on where Professor Jones left off. Trying to find a specific antibiotic reaction. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Could be...a long job? DOCTOR: Yes, could be. (He looks up from the microscope.) DOCTOR: You know, I wish I knew what he meant by serendipity. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Serendipity? DOCTOR: Yes, means making a marvellous discovery by mistake. I have an idea Professor Jones was on the point of a breakthrough. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, you've got his notes there, haven't you? DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, I have, but it doesn't say a thing. Take a look for yourself. (He passes the BRIGADIER a clipboard with notes attached. The soldier looks over them.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Huh! Might as well be in Sanskrit for all it means to me. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. KITCHEN AND LARDER (NANCY works in the kitchen making her sandwiches. She finishes and carries a plate of fungus that looks like a joint of beef into the larder and places it on the side.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. WHOLEWHEAL COMMUNITY (Outside, a UNIT jeep tears up the farm track and halts in front of Wholeweal. SERGEANT BENTON is at the wheel. He gets out and picks up a large sausage-shaped bundle wrapped in a cloth from the front passenger seat. He runs into the farm building with it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY (NANCY has given the BRIGADIER a piece of the beef-like fungus to eat. He munches on a morsel.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It's beef! It is beef! NANCY: It's exactly the same fungus you had last night. It's just cooked differently. (BENTON bursts in with the bundle and NANCY leaves.) SERGEANT BENTON: I thought I'd find you here, sir. (He places the bundle on one of the tables. The DOCTOR is busy reading CLIFF'S notes.) DOCTOR: What have you got there, Sergeant? SERGEANT BENTON: It's a maggot, Doctor. I found it on the edge of the danger area. (The DOCTOR instantly puts down the notes and comes over to examine the bundle.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Is it dead? SERGEANT BENTON: Not exactly, sir. (The DOCTOR unwraps the bundle. Within is the empty shell of a maggot. He turns it over with a glass rod.) DOCTOR: It's a chrysalis. They're beginning to change. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Change? I don't understand. DOCTOR: Like the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, but change into what? DOCTOR: I wish I knew, Brigadier. (The BRIGADIER suddenly realises the implications and looks down at the chrysalis in horror.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You mean they might be able to fly? DOCTOR: Yes. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Then we can't stop them. Within a matter of hours they could be all over the countryside. DOCTOR: Yes, it's horribly possible. Well, they're our number one priority now. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And the cure for Professor Jones? DOCTOR: That'll have to wait, I'm afraid. (They are interrupted by a scream of terror from the kitchen.) NANCY: Doctor! Come quickly! (They all rush towards the kitchen...) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. KITCHEN AND LARDER (...where they find NANCY pointing at something in the larder.) DOCTOR: What is it, Nancy? NANCY: It must be the one that escaped from the lab. (The DOCTOR cautiously walks into the larder doorway. There a maggot lies next to the plate of fungus. It doesn't seem to move. From the doorway, the DOCTOR cautiously shakes the table but still the creature doesn't move. He pokes it with the glass rod he has carried through from the laboratory. The maggot is still and lifeless. They all walk into the larder.) DOCTOR: Well, it's dead. It's not a husk like the other one but a complete dead maggot. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes well, I find the live ones more worrying, Doctor. DOCTOR: But don't you understand, Brigadier - what killed it? SERGEANT BENTON: Could it have been something it ate? NANCY: That's it - the fungus! (She points to the plate. The DOCTOR picks it up and examines it.) DOCTOR: Yes...this could be exactly what we need. (To NANCY.) How much of this fungus have you got? NANCY: A whole pile of it in the outhouse. DOCTOR: Show me quickly. NANCY: Right. (He passes the plate to the BRIGADIER and follows NANCY out. He in turn thrusts the plate into BENTON'S hand and follows them too. BENTON deposits the plate next to the dead creature.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM (BOSS is 'singing' a tune to itself as STEVENS leafs through a series of computer cards.) BOSS'S VOICE: Er, Stevens? (STEVENS puts down the cards and goes and stands on the small platform in front of the red screen.) BOSS'S VOICE: Stevens, erm, how did Captain Yates manage to break Mr. James' processing? STEVENS: I don't know. Some...specialised hypnotic technique perhaps? BOSS'S VOICE: Ah ha. And he also resisted our conditioning programme, didn't he? STEVENS: He is dangerous. He should be eliminated. BOSS'S VOICE: No - no, he will make an interesting experiment. Total processing comes next. He shall be the first of the new slave elite. See to it! STEVENS: Right away. (STEVENS bows and walks off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP (The DOCTOR waits on the edge of the slagheap in Bessie. UNIT soldiers transfer sack after sack of the fungus from a jeep onto the back seat of the car.) SERGEANT BENTON: Come on, lads - keep 'em moving. (The BRIGADIER walks forward.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Good luck, Doctor. DOCTOR: Thank you, Brigadier. (The soldiers finish loading Bessie.) DOCTOR: Right, Benton. (BENTON stands on the running board and the DOCTOR drives off onto the slagheap. The BRIGADIER observes through his binoculars.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. SLAGHEAP (The writhing maggots hiss as Bessie drives past.) DOCTOR: Alright, Sergeant, start scattering. SERGEANT BENTON: With pleasure, Doctor. (He reaches into the sacks and starts pulling out handfuls of the fungus which he throws to the ground. The maggots start to shuffle towards the substance, nosing and biting into the contents.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) They're taking the bait, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. SLAGHEAP (BENTON throws more handfuls down, being careful to aim them as close to each maggot as possible.) DOCTOR: There's some down here, Sergeant. SERGEANT BENTON: Right. DOCTOR: Right alongside the car. (Fungus lands in front of the snouts of the maggots indicated.) SERGEANT BENTON: Got 'em! DOCTOR: That's it. (More maggots shuffle nearer to the proffered meal.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Hello, Doctor? Hello, Doctor? It's working! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. SLAGHEAP (The maggots which have eaten the fungus start to become sluggish and die quickly. They writhe slowly and become still. The area that the DOCTOR and BENTON have driven through is littered with the corpses of the creatures.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Doctor, it's working. I say again - it's working. They're dying like...well, like maggots! [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. SLAGHEAP BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) We've licked 'em! (The DOCTOR picks up BENTON'S radio off the front seat as the SERGEANT continues to dispense the fungus over the side of the car.) DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Not quite, Brigadier. Remember that empty skin. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP (The BRIGADIER listens...) DOCTOR: (OOV: Over radio.) I haven't seen any more about but you never know. [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. SLAGHEAP (Bessie drives on at speed. The two men in the car fail to see that they are being observed. Crouched on a brow of the slagheap is a huge fly. Its back is black and patterned with yellow spots and blotches. Its large head turns and watches the car go.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LIVING ROOM (CLIFF'S condition is deteriorating. He gasps and mutters in a delirious manner and the glowing green infection on his neck has now doubled its size. JO mops his brow.) JO: Nancy, he's getting worse! Isn't there anything we can do? NANCY: Just keep him as comfortable as possible, I suppose. The Doctor will be back soon. JO: Even he doesn't know what to do, does he? Shh, Cliff. It's alright, shh! [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. ROOM (CAPTAIN YATES has been secured in the room previously occupied by the DOCTOR and Mr. James. To make doubly sure of his incarceration, his wrists have been locked into the chains which dangle from the ceiling and he hangs there in some discomfort. The door opens and STEVENS and two guards enter. They start to release his hands.) STEVENS: Well, young man, you have escaped us once. Believe me, it won't happen again. Bring him along. (YATES, much weakened, is dragged from the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CORRIDOR (STEVENS leads the men down a corridor. They reach the lift where YATES hangs weakly between the two guards as they and STEVENS wait for the lift. The doors open and YATES springs into life, pushing the two guards at the Director so that all three men fall into a heap on the floor of the lift. The doors close on them and YATES sprints down the corridor. He makes for the door which leads onto the balcony and the roof.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Sector four - report, over. UNIT SOLDIER: (OOV: Over radio.) Vehicle now approaching last group of creatures. [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. SLAGHEAP (Bessie moves into the last patch of maggots.) UNIT SOLDIER: (Into radio.) All others destroyed, over. (BENTON, his humour much restored by their results, throws the fungus over the side of the car.) SERGEANT BENTON: Kitty, kitty, kitty! Come on, come and get your lovely din-dins! Come on, kitty, kit... (The DOCTOR'S humour however remains resistant...) DOCTOR: Sergeant Benton! (BENTON falls silent and carries on throwing down the fungus. The final maggots cannot even manage a hiss as they gurgle and die. The giant fly has kept up with the car and crawls over the edge of the hill. Its giant red glowing eyes look down at the car. Meanwhile...) DOCTOR: Well, that seems to be the last of them, Benton. Let's get back to the Brigadier. SERGEANT BENTON: Right. (The car drives into a turning circle and starts to head back. The fly takes off in pursuit of it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP (The BRIGADIER, observing events through his binoculars, suddenly catches sight of the fly.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Good grief! (He hurriedly pulls out his TM45 radio.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Doctor... [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. SLAGHEAP BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Over radio.) Look out! Look out, above you! (The two men look up and the DOCTOR brings Bessie to a halt as the fly buzzes down on them. They crouch down as best they can in their seats but the DOCTOR chances a look up.) SERGEANT BENTON: Doctor, get down! (He pushes the DOCTOR back down as the fly swoops in over them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Doctor, it's attacking again! [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. SLAGHEAP (As the fly comes in for the attack again, this time it is the DOCTOR who pushes the inquisitive SERGEANT'S head back down.) DOCTOR: Keep down, Sergeant! (The fly comes over and passes. The DOCTOR looks up and the fly suddenly spits out a stream of the green slime at the car. The DOCTOR quickly ducks beneath the dashboard as the deadly liquid hits the windscreen.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP (The BRIGADIER lowers his binoculars in exasperation.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To himself.) What is he trying to do? [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. SLAGHEAP (The fly comes in for a sweep once more. The DOCTOR stands up in his seat, takes off his cloak and throws it into the air as the fly shoots down. The creature hits the garment and gets tangled up in it, falling to the ground with a crash. The DOCTOR and BENTON climb down from Bessie and run over to inspect it.) DOCTOR: Careful, Sergeant. (The DOCTOR carefully pulls back the cloak to reveal the dead insect.) DOCTOR: What a beautiful creature. SERGEANT BENTON: (Unconvinced.) Oh yes, Doctor - beautiful! [SCENE_BREAK] 29: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS (YATES is on the one-storey roof of Global Chemicals. He runs along the edge and jumps down onto the porch over the main entrance and from there onto the ground. He runs off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LIVING ROOM (The DOCTOR has made it back to Wholeweal. CLIFF is quieter but his breathing is very slow and deep. The DOCTOR takes his pulse as NANCY comforts JO.) DOCTOR: And you say he was delirious? NANCY: For a while, yes, but...then he seemed to go into a coma. DOCTOR: Can you remember what he said? JO: (Upset.) Er, no...it was just nonsense. He didn't make any sense. (The DOCTOR leaves CLIFF and stands in front of JO.) DOCTOR: Jo, think hard. You were with him in the lab. Did he seem on the track of a cure? JO: No, not at all. DOCTOR: (Thinks.) Ah, it's very curious. Well I shall just have to hope for some serendipity of my own. JO: Doctor? DOCTOR: Mmm? JO: What is serendipity? DOCTOR: A happy accident. JO: (Upset.) I had an accident and...with Cliff, I...spilled some brown powder all over his slides. He wasn't very happy about it. DOCTOR: (Realises.) Jo, that's it! (He thumps the palm of his hand.) DOCTOR: Do you happen to remember which powder? JO: Yes, I think so. DOCTOR: Then come and show me, quickly. Come on! (He almost drags her from the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. COUNTRYSIDE (Gasping for breath, YATES runs past a plantation of fir trees. He stops to get his bearings and then runs on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY (The DOCTOR looks at the jar of brown powder.) DOCTOR: And you're positive this is the one? JO: Positive. DOCTOR: Well, I should have guessed. It's the same fungus that killed that maggot. JO: (Delighted.) You mean...that's the cure? DOCTOR: It must be! [SCENE_BREAK] 33: EXT. SLAGHEAP (Wearing thick protective gloves, the UNIT troops are picking up the corpses of the maggots and putting them into sacks. The BRIGADIER and BENTON observe proceedings.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, Benton, now we know how to deal with these creatures, the next thing is to get the National Coal Board to open up that emergency shaft. We ought to make certain that it's all quite clear of those creatures. Not only down the mine but all the possible ways up to the surface. (Suddenly...) CAPTAIN YATES: Brigadier, sir! (They look to see the exhausted figure of CAPTAIN YATES running towards them.) CAPTAIN YATES: The computer, sir! The computer! [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY (A dishevelled YATES has been brought back to Wholeweal to report to the DOCTOR who is busy making up CLIFF'S cure. NANCY and JO watch on as the DOCTOR mixes powder and solution in a small plastic tub.) DOCTOR: So, what's the computer going to do? CAPTAIN YATES: That's just it, Doctor, I don't know. But whatever it is, it's pretty big and it's going to happen at four o'clock. DOCTOR: Right, well I'll get up there as soon as I finish this. NANCY: What is it you're doing? (He starts to stir the powder and liquid.) DOCTOR: Making an aqueous extract of the amino fraction of this fungus. NANCY: Oh, an injection? DOCTOR: That's right. NANCY: I can do that. I'm not just a mum here, you know? DOCTOR: Thank you, Nancy. (She takes the plastic tub from him and sets to work.) DOCTOR: Jo, pick up the paste from that fungus powder and apply it to the green stain on Cliff's neck. JO: Okay. (She sets to work.) DOCTOR: Alright, Captain Yates, where's the Brigadier? CAPTAIN YATES: He's gone - to Global Chemicals. Hopes to confront the Director and get him to talk. [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM (STEVENS stands before the red screen of BOSS and reports the loss of their prisoner.) BOSS'S VOICE: Stevens? You are inefficient but you are also a fool. As Oscar Wilde so very nearly said - to lose one prisoner may be accounted a misfortune, to lose two smacks of carelessness. STEVENS: (Hesitates.) I'm...very sorry. BOSS'S VOICE: Ah ha! No, they can't harm us now, my little superman. It's too late. STEVENS: We're going ahead then? BOSS'S VOICE: Well, naturally. Report. STEVENS: The medical staff have completed all implantations... BOSS'S VOICE: Ah ha? STEVENS: ...and all slave units are now ready to be activated. BOSS'S VOICE: Good, good! Establish a links with the seven international computers. The countdown to phase one can begin! (STEVENS smiles.) BOSS'S VOICE: Well, get on with it! (STEVENS jumps and bows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE (The guard in the booth puts down the phone and comes out with his rifle to where the BRIGADIER, BENTON and some troops in a jeep patiently waits at the lowered barrier.) GUARD: It's no good, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: For heaven's sake, man! Don't you know who I am? GUARD: Makes no difference, nobody's getting in. (They hear the noise of a car and watch to see Bessie containing the DOCTOR and YATES speed up and screech to a halt. The DOCTOR gets out.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Wretched fellow won't let me in. DOCTOR: Well, thank goodness for that. I shall go in alone. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Now, Doctor... DOCTOR: Brigadier, if I'm not out of there by three minutes to four, you and the rest of your clod-hopping friends can come in and... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Interrupts.) And rescue you? DOCTOR: No, I'm afraid not. If I'm not out by then, I shall be dead. Now you must go in and try and destroy that computer. Right, now lets synchronise our watches. (The armed guard has been listening.) GUARD: It's no good, sir. I've already explained to the Brigadier. [SCENE_BREAK] 37: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM (BOSS is singing again as STEVENS, clipboard in hand, makes adjustments to the systems in the room.) STEVENS: Right, phase one countdown completed. (BOSS carries on singing as STEVENS checks his watch.) STEVENS: We're falling behind time. (He rushes with unaccustomed speed across the room to continue his countdown tasks.) BOSS'S VOICE: Stevens, you know, we should have arranged for a symphony orchestra to herald my triumph. To take over the world, to sweep into power on the crest of a wave of Wagnerian sound! Er, you like that idea, of course? STEVENS: Please! BOSS'S VOICE: No? Oh, er, the 1812, perha...oh, or would we dare - the glorious ninth? (STEVENS is growing impatient with the BOSS' ramblings.) STEVENS: We must go ahead! (BOSS sounds like a whingeing, spoilt child.) BOSS'S VOICE: Oh, Stevens, you're a dull fool too! Very well...activate the total processing of the slave elite. (STEVENS bows, crosses to a console and starts to flick a series of switches.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE GUARD: I'm sorry, sir. I must ask you and this gentleman to move right away from this area. DOCTOR: Now look here, my dear fellow... (The DOCTOR takes a step forward and the gun swings round and aims the rifle at him.) GUARD: If you take one step into... (He stops as a wavering electronic sound emits across the complex. His face screws up and he becomes immobile. The DOCTOR goes for the barrier.) DOCTOR: Now, come on, get it up! (The BRIGADIER helps him raise the barrier and the DOCTOR runs past the still guard into the complex.) [SCENE_BREAK] 39: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM (BOSS is singing again - this time Beethoven's fifth. The movement of the oscilloscope twitches in time.) BOSS'S VOICE: Tan, tan, tan, ra! Tan, tan, tan, ra! STEVENS: (Impatiently.) There is no time to be lost! (BOSS ignores him and carries on singing as STEVENS rushes to another console.) STEVENS: Until final link-up takes place and the slave units are responding, we are quite defenceless! (BOSS continues. STEVENS shouts out between gritted teeth.) STEVENS: Please, listen to me! BOSS'S VOICE: Oh, not even a little fan-fare? You're unkind, Stevens. STEVENS: Links by landline are complete. Radio links are now being established. It is only a matter of minutes. BOSS'S VOICE: Minutes? Before the moment of truth sails towards us on time's winged chariot! (STEVENS rolls his eyes as BOSS laughs.) BOSS'S VOICE: I love a really juicy mixed metaphor, Stevens. Oh, very well, phase two! (STEVENS goes to the alcove seat. He takes down the conditioning headphones and sits holding them, staring straight ahead.) BOSS'S VOICE: Discontinue primary function. (STEVENS jabs at two of the buttons in the wall of the alcove.) BOSS'S VOICE: Connect! (With a slight smile, he presses one final button and dons the headphones. BOSS starts to sing again to the tune of Bach's "Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 in G".) BOSS'S VOICE: "Connect, connect, connect, connect, connect, connect, connect, zim bum!" [SCENE_BREAK] 40: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CORRIDOR (The DOCTOR dashes through the corridors of Global Chemicals, taking out his sonic screwdriver as he goes in preparation for the lift.) [SCENE_BREAK] 41: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LIVING ROOM (CLIFF'S breathing is very shallow as NANCY injects his arm. JO has smeared his neck and the green glow has disappeared under a streak of brownish sludge and she continues to dab his brow. CLIFF'S breathing suddenly becomes easier.) NANCY: (Softly.) I think it's going to work! (CLIFF'S eyes suddenly open. He blinks and looks up at the two women.) CLIFFORD JONES: (Quietly.) Hello, Nancy. Oh, Jo! Oh, Jo! (As JO smiles down at him, he kisses her hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] 42: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE (The UNIT men wait patiently. They check their watches.) SERGEANT BENTON: Only six minutes left, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Mutters.) Come on, Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] 43: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM (The lift doors open and the DOCTOR runs into the computer room. BOSS is singing still but now, sat in the alcove, STEVENS lips move to the sound as man and computer have become one. The DOCTOR runs up to him.) DOCTOR: Stevens! Stevens, listen to me, I've got to talk to you. You've gotta stop this! (STEVENS' mouth moves as BOSS answers...) BOSS'S VOICE: Stevens no longer exists, Doctor. Say what you have to say to me. (The DOCTOR ignores the machine and continues to plead with the human being...) DOCTOR: Of course you still exist. Don't listen to this...this machine. Fight it! BOSS'S VOICE: Too late, Doctor. In five minutes, my power will be extended to seven other complexes throughout the world. Think of that! You have failed in your poor little attempt to halt our progress towards maximum efficiency and productivity. DOCTOR: (Urgently.) Stevens, listen to me: you've seen where this efficiency of yours leads - wholesale pollution of the countryside, devilish creatures spawned by filthy by-products of your technology, men...men walking around like brainless vegetables, death, disease, destruction! BOSS'S VOICE: Teething problems. They will be dealt with in due course. DOCTOR: In the usual efficient way, I suppose - elimination. (STEVENS holds up four fingers.) BOSS'S VOICE: Four minutes. (The DOCTOR reaches into the pocket of his cloak.) DOCTOR: Stevens...I want you to look at this crystal. (He holds up the Metebelis jewel.) DOCTOR: Look...at this sapphire. (STEVENS' eyes waver towards the crystal.) DOCTOR: Look deep into its blue light. BOSS'S VOICE: Concentrate on the task in hand, Stevens. DOCTOR: Don't listen to this machine! (STEVENS' eyes start to screw up as he starts a mental struggle within himself.) DOCTOR: You're the one in control - fight it! Look at this crystal. Look at it. (STEVENS' head wavers slightly between staring ahead and wanting to look at the crystal.) DOCTOR: Look deep into the blue light. Look at it. Look at it! (STEVENS finally stares full on at the crystal. He sees its bright glow and the DOCTOR'S words start to echo in his mind.) DOCTOR: Look at it. Look at it, Stevens. Look deep into the blue light. Look at it. (STEVENS looks pained as the glow of the crystal burns into his mind. His own voice partially recovers as it starts to supercede that of BOSS...) STEVENS: (Struggling.) Doctor...I...help...me... (But BOSS tries to reassert its control...) BOSS'S VOICE: No, no, I am the one who ... Think of our great plan, our dream! STEVENS: (Struggling.) I...I'm...sorry! I...shall...speak...! DOCTOR: That's it - fight it! Fight it! You're a human being! (The force of the crystal grows stronger.) STEVENS: (Struggling.) Isn't there another answer?! BOSS'S VOICE: No, no, no - you and I are one! STEVENS: (Shouts.) But the disease, the deaths! BOSS'S VOICE: They are necessities! STEVENS: (Screams.) No, there must be another way! (The power of the crystal reaches its climax. STEVENS gasps and slumps in his seat. The DOCTOR wrenches the headphones off. STEVENS looks up at him, gasping as if he is still fighting for control of his own mind.) STEVENS: Get out...quickly! DOCTOR: Come with me. STEVENS: No...no. (He starts to activate controls in the alcove. The lights in the room start to flare.) STEVENS: (Gasps.) I'm cross-feeding the generator circuitry. In two minutes...the whole place'll go up. Warn the others! Get out! (The DOCTOR runs for the lift.) STEVENS: You have two minutes! (The lights in the room start to flare into a rainbow series of colours. BOSS cries out in pain.) BOSS'S VOICE: Reverse...pulse! (The hum of the machinery starts to race away. STEVENS, his face screwed up in pain, struggles across the room to activate more of the destruct sequence as BOSS, maddened beyond control, fluctuates between his former singing, cries of instruction and those of pleading.) BOSS'S VOICE: Loss of control...Stevens...integrate booster function... (BOSS'S ramblings become garbled as STEVENS struggles from console to console.) BOSS'S VOICE: Such good friends! Stevens! Stevens! Please! Please! (BOSS cries out as STEVENS collapses against a console and starts to thump the switches down.) BOSS'S VOICE: It hurts! The pain! My circuits are on fire! Nooooo! Never thought it would come to this! Stevens! Stevens! (STEVENS struggles back to the alcove seat.) BOSS'S VOICE: My sentimental friend! My frieeeeeennnnnnnnddddddd! (STEVENS presses one final switch. BOSS falls quite, the lighting in the room returns to normal...and STEVENS stares into space with tears falling down his cheeks...) [SCENE_BREAK] 44: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE (The DOCTOR runs towards the main gate where the guard, the control influence of BOSS reducing, is swaying on his feet.) DOCTOR: Get down everyone! Take cover! BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, take cover everyone! (The soldiers run behind the jeep as the DOCTOR grabs the fainting guard...) DOCTOR: Come on! Come on! (...and pulls him behind Bessie. They crouch down as a massive explosion tears the factory apart...) [SCENE_BREAK] 45: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LIVING ROOM (EVENING) (CLIFF, up, dressed and recovered, finishes devouring a bowl of soup watched by the DOCTOR, JO and NANCY.) CLIFFORD JONES: Oh, Nancy, that fungus soup is delicious! Is there any more? NANCY: I'm afraid I haven't got any more made at the moment. The UNIT troops have scoffed the lot. DOCTOR: Including the Brigadier? NANCY: Including the Brigadier! (They all laugh. NANCY leaves with the empty bowl.) JO: (To CLIFF.) Well, you're feeling better alright. CLIFFORD JONES: Aye. DOCTOR: Well, Jo, we'd better get back to UNIT HQ. We've got a report to make out. (She hesitates.) JO: Doctor... DOCTOR: Mmm? (She glances at CLIFF and he gives her a nod of encouragement.) JO: I don't think I'll be going back just yet. DOCTOR: Oh, you thinking of staying here? JO: Well, not here exactly. Only you see, Cliff is going on this expedition to look for this fantastic fungus. DOCTOR: Where? CLIFFORD JONES: The upper reaches of the Amazon. JO: And he's asked me to go with him. DOCTOR: And you want to go? JO: More than anything else in the world. DOCTOR: I see. When? CLIFFORD JONES: Well, very soon now. We'll just stop off in Cardiff, pick up our supplies, get married and... JO: (Surprised.) Married? (CLIFF looks at her.) CLIFFORD JONES: Aye... (The DOCTOR looks between the two in embarrassment.) DOCTOR: Erm, look...will you excuse me, I...I do think I'm going to be wanted on the telephone. (He leaves the room. The two don't even seem to notice his departure.) JO: (Smiles.) You...you didn't say anything about getting married. CLIFFORD JONES: Didn't I? I'm sorry, love. You will, of course? (JO throws her arms round him.) JO: Yes! Course, I will! (The two part, grinning, laughing and uncertain what to say next.) CLIFFORD JONES: Right...oh, well... JO: Yes! (CLIFF cries out with joy and spins JO round.) CLIFFORD JONES: Yeehaa! Ah, life's good, isn't it?! (Alerted by the noise, the BRIGADIER, YATES, BENTON and NANCY run into the room.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What's going on? NANCY: Are you alright, Jo? CLIFFORD JONES: Go on - tell 'em! (More of the community come into the room as JO laughs and makes her announcement.) JO: Cliff and I are going to get married. SERGEANT BENTON: Getting married?! (As everyone breaks out into a hubbub of noise, YATES looks disappointed but puts on a brave face.) CAPTAIN YATES: Well, that's marvellous. (To CLIFF.) Oh, congratulations, Professor Jones. CLIFFORD JONES: Thank you. (They shake hands. JO and the BRIGADIER do the same.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Congratulations, Jo, not before time. (JO pecks him on the cheek.) SERGEANT BENTON: (To CLIFF.) Professor Jones, ... CAPTAIN YATES: (To JO.) I'm sure he'll make you very happy. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To CLIFF.) Well, Professor Jones... CLIFFORD JONES: Thank you, Brigadier. (The BRIGADIER takes out a slip of paper he has had tucked into his belt.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I've got a wedding present for you. It's a telex from Geneva, granting your place here official status as a United Nations priority one research complex. CLIFFORD JONES: Oh, what! SERGEANT BENTON: Well done! (YATES and BENTON applaud him. Behind them, NANCY has come back in with a tray of glasses and a bottle of what seems to be champagne.) CLIFFORD JONES: Do you know what that means? It means unlimited financial help! Work for the valley's. SERGEANT BENTON: That's great. (Like an excited child, CLIFF runs round the room, spreading his joy with the other members of the commune.) CLIFFORD JONES: Aye, and food! Food for all the world! (The BRIGADIER has a quiet word with YATES.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Never mind, Mike, let's have a drink. (They join the others in taking a glass from NANCY. The DOCTOR has come back into the room and is having a quiet word with JO. She hangs her head down in sorrow at their parting and he lifts her chin and smiles.) DOCTOR: You got onto your uncle at United Nations, didn't you? JO: It's only the second time I've ever asked him for anything. DOCTOR: And look where the first time got you. (JO'S voice cracks.) JO: You don't mind, do you? DOCTOR: Mind? He might even be able to turn you into a scientist. (JO smiles.) JO: Don't go too far away, will you? And if you do, come back and see us sometime. DOCTOR: Yes. (The BRIGADIER'S words reach them as he takes a glass...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Thank you, lovely. (But for once, they seem to find it difficult to find the words to say to each other.) DOCTOR: Save me a piece of wedding cake. JO: Right. (A silence falls between them again, then...) DOCTOR: Oh, I nearly forgot. (He reaches into his pocket and holds up the Metebelis crystal.) DOCTOR: Your wedding present. (She takes the jewel.) JO: It's beautiful! Thank you, Doctor. (She hugs him as CLIFF comes up with two glasses for the DOCTOR and JO.) CLIFFORD JONES: Hey, Jo, come and drink a toast to the happy couple, huh? JO: But that's us. CLIFFORD JONES: Aye, so it is. (He kisses and hugs her.) CLIFFORD JONES: Don't worry, Doctor. I'll look after her. (He leads her to the rest of the group where the BRIGADIER is ready to make a speech. The DOCTOR watches, glass in hand.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Are you ready? Are you all ready? CAPTAIN YATES: There we are. SERGEANT BENTON: Would you like a drink, Professor? (BENTON passes him a glass as the others give a small cheer. The DOCTOR looks at his glass.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well...well, now...er, quiet everyone. Quiet for a moment. (The DOCTOR swigs back the contents.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Now, well, er, here's to you both. SERGEANT BENTON: Here, here! CAPTAIN YATES: Here's to you both. NANCY: Congratulations. (They all drink their toasts as behind them, the DOCTOR opens the door and walks quietly out of the room. BENTON starts to sing...) SERGEANT BENTON: "For, he's a..." (...and the others join in. Only JO notices the closing door with a look of infinite sadness on her face.) ALL: "jolly good fellow, for they are jolly good fellows, for they are jolly good fellows, and so say all of us" [SCENE_BREAK] 46: EXT. WHOLEWHEAL COMMUNITY (EVENING) (The DOCTOR dons his cloak as he walks with a heavy heart past the farm animals towards Bessie. The noise of the party within reaches him and some music starts up as someone switches on a record player. He walks through the path of a sheepdog herding a ewe and its lamb by itself and climbs into the car. For a moment he sits in the twilight and looks back towards the house with a sad look on his face but then he starts the car up and drives off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 47: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LIVING ROOM (EVENING) (The party is in full swing. BENTON dances with NANCY as the BRIGADIER and YATES chat with the members of the commune. JO and CLIFF come together and kiss. They hug. JO smiles...) [SCENE_BREAK] 48: EXT. ROAD (EVENING) (Against the dying sun, Bessie moves across the horizon carrying the DOCTOR on his return journey...alone.)	Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who tries to destroy the giant maggots? A: cure Cliff; Q: What does the Doctor try to do to Cliff? A: BOSS; Q: Who is the real threat to the Doctor? A: all the world's computers; Q: What is BOSS poised to take over? Summary: The Doctor attempts to destroy the giant maggots and cure Cliff but the real threat is BOSS, who is poised to take over all the world's computers.
Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The Bronze. Splendid is the band tonight. They are on stage performing "Charge". The camera pans from the spotlights above the band down past the drummer to the lead guitar player. Lyrics: The way you love / Have you got a name for it / Cause I don't understand it The camera pans past the singer and into the crowd. Cordelia and Xander are dancing close with their arms around each other and smiling. Lyrics: The language is an annoying necessity / And I depend on all the regular things The camera reaches Willow, who is looking around for Buffy. She turns around, looks up and spots her on the upper level leaning against the railing and watching the band. The camera pans up to her. Lyrics: Got a list tattooed on my memory / Of how our tryst should unfold Behind Buffy a boy approaches her. Lyrics: I'm falling from the opposite Ben: Hey. Buffy turns to him, a little surprised. Lyrics: What good is it Ben: I'm Ben. We had Algebra II together last year. Lyrics: Fight the map with no key attached Buffy: Sorry, I pretty much repress anything math-related. Lyrics: My heart's enlarged, and I charge / What do you say Ben: Ms. Jackson? Second period? You sat in the seat three over and one behind. Lyrics: To a dream that won't go away Buffy: Oh! Yeah, I remember now, it's the one with the desks and the chalkboards and pencils and stuff, right? Ben: That's the one. (chuckles) Buffy: (smiles and points at her head) Like a steel trap. Lyrics: 'Cause I don't know if I can stand it Ben: So, I was wondering, you know the dance tomorrow night? Are you going? Buffy: You mean the Sadie Hawkins thing? The deal where the girls ask the boys? Ben: Yeah. Lyrics: Forever isn't something you want to be Ben: And I thought maybe, you know, if you're free, you might ask me. Lyrics: And I rely on familiar things Buffy: Oh, gosh... (exhales) I... Ben: (holds up his hand) Oh, oh, hey, hey, no, don't, don't worry about it... Buffy: No, no, you seem like a really great guy, it's... Lyrics: Seven days all have special meanings Buffy: ...me. I-I'm not seeing anybody. Lyrics: But you just call it a week Buffy: Ever again, actually. Ben: Oh. That's, that's too bad. Lyrics: I'm falling from the opposite / What good is it Ben: Okay, well, I better... (indicates away and goes) Lyrics: Fight the map with no key attached Buffy: (to herself) Sorry. Lyrics: My heart's enlarged, and I charge She watches him go for a moment, glances sadly down at the band and then heads for the stairs. Cut to the stage. The camera focuses on the singer and the band as she sings the refrain again. Lyrics: I'm falling from the opposite / What good is it / Fight the map with no key attached / My heart's enlarged, and I charge When Buffy reaches the bottom of the stairs Willow meets her. Willow: Hey! You're bailing? Buffy: Yeah. I'm gonna stop by the library and see if Giles wants me to patrol, and then sack it. Willow: You've been doing that a lot. Patrolling and sacking. In fact, you've kind of been All-Work-And-No-Play Buffy. Buffy: I play. I have big fun. I came here tonight, didn't I? Willow: You came, you saw, you (glances up) rejected. Buffy: You mean that guy? Just not in date mode right now. Willow: (smiles) Well, maybe you need to date to get in date mode. Buffy: I don't think I'm ready for that, Will. Willow: You're thinking too much. Maybe you need to be impulsive. (smiles) Buffy: Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever, and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures. Willow: Okay, the Angel thing went badly, I'm on board with that, but that's not your fault. And anyways, love isn't always like that. Love can be... (smiles) nice! Cut to the halls at Sunnydale High School. A boy is chasing a girl as she walks away from him determinedly. Boy: (angrily) Come back here! We're not finished! He grabs her by the arm and turns her around to face him. Boy: You don't care anymore, is that it? Girl: (sobbing) No, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I feel. Boy: Then tell me you don't love me. (shakes her) Say it! Girl: Will that help? Is that what you need to hear? I don't. I don't! Now let me go. (tries to go) Boy: No! A person doesn't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody. He takes a step back, raises a revolver, pulls the hammer back and aims it at her. She looks at the gun, then up at him, frightened. Boy: Love is forever. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The halls at Sunnydale High. The boy has his gun trained on the girl. Boy: I'm not afraid to use it. I swear! If I can't be with you... Buffy comes walking around the corner and sees them. Buffy: Hey! Girl: Oh, my God! She turns and starts walking away. Buffy starts running at the boy. Boy: DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, BITCH! Down another hall George the janitor hears the yelling, drops his mop and starts toward the commotion. Buffy comes running at the boy full steam. He looks at her just as she grabs his arm, raises it and brings it down over her shoulder, making him drop the gun. She elbows him hard in the gut, knocking the breath out of him. She turns around, grabs him by the shirt and yanks him hard to the floor. His spins a turn and a half on his way down and lands hard on his back. The girl just looks on in shock. Buffy bends down to pick the boy up by the collar. George arrives at a run and goes over to the girl. They look over at Buffy and the boy. She pushes him away. He is in open-mouthed shock over what just happened. Boy: What happened? Buffy: What happened?! You just went O.J. on your girlfriend! His girlfriend looks down away from him. Boy: This is nuts! I... I don't know why I got so mad. Buffy: Because you're a jerk? Girl: He's not. We weren't even fighting a few minutes ago. Boy: We weren't, I, I swear to God! Buffy: If you weren't fighting, then why'd you have a gun? George looks around the hall. Boy: I don't, I don't know. I don't even know where I got it. George: I don't see any gun. Buffy looks at him, confused. The boy takes a look around also. Cut to school the next day. Cut to Pricipal Snyder's office. He comes in and closes the door behind him. The camera starts to follow him to his desk. Snyder: I'm sure you know why I asked you here. He passes Buffy as she takes a seat. Buffy: To thank me? Snyder: (walks around his desk) That's right, I wanna thank you. What would Sunnydale High do without you around to incite mayhem, chaos and disorder? Buffy: I don't incite! I stopped that boy from killing his girlfriend, ask him. Ask the janitor. Snyder: People can be coerced, Summers. I'm no stranger to conspiracy. I saw JFK. I'm a truth seeker. I've got a missing gun and two confused kids on my hands. Pieces of the puzzle. And I'm gonna look at all the pieces carefully and rationally, and I'm gonna keep looking until I know exactly how this is all your fault. Buffy is about to respond when his secretary buzzes him on his office intercom. Secretary: Mr. Snyder, Billy Crandal chained himself to the snack machine again. Snyder: (to the intercom) Pathetic little no-life vegan. He walks around his desk to go take care of Billy. Buffy stands up to go also. Snyder: Not so fast, missy. I'm not done with you yet. You stink of lies. He points to her chair, and she sits back down and exhales. He leaves the office and closes the door behind him. Over to Buffy's right is a bookcase with copies of all of the yearbooks since Sunnydale High opened, and the one from 1955 slides out on its own and falls. She hears it hit the floor and looks down at it. She gets up and bends down to pick it up. She looks at the cover, looks over at its space on the shelf, shrugs and puts it back. Cut to the computer science class. Willow is still substituting for Ms. Calendar. She walks along the front of the class. Willow: So, for next time read the chapters on information grouping and binary coding. Giles looks into the classroom from the hall. Willow: I bet you'll think coding is pretty cool. I mean, if you find two-digit, multi-stacked conversions and primary number clusters a big hoot. Everyone in the class laughs. The bell rings, and the students begin to leave. Willow watches them go and notices Giles waiting just inside of the doorway. Willow: Giles! (goes to him) I made them laugh, did you hear? I did the joke thing! (smiles) (goes back to the desk) Giles: Yes, yes, so it seems. I-I mean, um, (approaches the desk) uh, you did indeed. Good, good, good show. I-I-I just stopped by to, to see if you needed any assistance, (sits on the desk) but you seem to have things quite under control. Willow: (puts things away) Well, I had good lesson plans. Ms. Calendar had them on her computer. Giles: Yes, yes, she was very, um... uh, dedicated. Willow: And I found a bunch of files and Internet sites on paganism and magic and stuff. (smiles) Giles: Oh? Willow: Yes, it's really interesting. Giles looks down away from her. Willow: (reaches for something on the desk) And, uh, I found this in her drawer. (Giles looks up) She told me it was a rose quartz. (Giles looks at her hands) And it has healing powers. She holds up a light pink quartz stone strung on a thin leather thong. Willow: I thought she'd want you to have it. He gets up from the desk and slowly takes the necklace from her. He gently turns it over in his hand. Giles: Oh, thank you, Willow, that's, um... that's very thoughtful of you. He turns and leaves the classroom. Willow watches him go with a small smile on her face. Cut to history class. Buffy has her chin propped up in her hand, bored with the lecture and trying not to fall asleep to the drone of the male teacher's voice. Teacher: Before 1935, the new deal focused on revitalizing stricken business and agricultural communities. And the new deal also tried to regulate the nation's financial hierarchy to avoid another disaster like the 1929 stock market crash. Buffy can't help but close her eyes for a moment. The next thing she knows she hears a woman's voice, and she shakes herself out of her reverie. Ms. Newman: Don't forget, your assignments are due on Friday, class. The students begin to leave. Buffy looks around and is taken aback by the sudden changed appearance of the classroom and the different dress and hairstyles of the other students. Girl#1: I told Ms. Hall we'd go help decorate the gym. Who are you taking? She hands a flyer for the Sadie Hawkins Dance to another girl. Buffy can see that the year on it reads 1955. Girl#2: David said yes. Girl#1: Oh, you're kidding! He's so dreamy! Buffy looks all around, confused. Ms. Newman: (collecting papers) Thank you. James goes up to the desk and hands in his paper also. Ms. Newman: Thank you, James. How are you enjoying that book I loaned you? The Hemingway. Buffy observes and listens to the conversation. James: I like it. Very much. It's honest. He slowly reaches for Ms. Newman's hand and gently takes it. Ms. Newman: (exhales) Yes, it's, um... it's based on a true story, actually. He fell in love with his... They are interrupted by the door opening, and let go of their hands. Suddenly Buffy finds herself back in her history class as her teacher continues his lecture while writing on the board. Teacher: ...hours, child labor... Buffy stares in surprise at what the teacher is writing. Teacher: ...and collective bargaining. The teacher looks back at the class. The students all start laughing. He looks back at the board and sees that he's just written "DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME BITCH!" in huge letters. Teacher: Oh, my God! He quickly grabs an eraser and frantically wipes it away. Boy: (smiling) Did you see what he wrote? Cut to the halls. Buffy and Xander walk through the doors from the lounge and head down the hall. Buffy: I'm telling you, something weird is going on. Xander: Something weird is going on. Isn't that our school motto? Buffy: Pretty much. But I don't know. This time it bugs me. They reach his locker, and he starts to work the combination. Xander: I don't wanna poo-poo your wiggins, but a domestic dispute, a little case of chalkboard Tourette's? All sounds like Hellmouth Lite to me. He opens his locker, and a wiry-muscled green arm shoots out and grabs him by the shirt. He screams, and it pulls at him and slams him into the locker. Buffy grabs him by the shoulders and tries to pull him away, but the arm is extremely strong and pulls Xander away from her and against the locker again. He screams out in pain when he hits it. Buffy grabs him again and pulls harder, and the arm lets go. Xander falls to the floor as Buffy slams the locker shut. He scrambles back to his feet, and they both look around the hall and see the other students' reactions. They are all confused, but stay away and just stare. Buffy gives Xander an intent look and indicates that they should open his locker again and take a look inside. Xander rubs his chin and stands ready as Buffy slowly lifts the latch. She slowly opens the door, and they peek in. Nothing. They open it all the way, and it appears to be completely normal. Cut to the library. Willow is at the table studying. She looks up when she hears the doors open and sees Xander's torn shirt. Willow: Xander, what happened? Did Cordelia win another round in the broom closet? Xander: You're just a big bucket of funny, Will. Buffy sits down next to her. Xander walks over to Giles, who is kneeling and going through some books on a shelf. Xander: I'll have you know I was just accosted by some kind of, um, locker monster. Giles: (looks up) Loch Ness Monster? Buffy: 'Locker' monster is what he said. But it wasn't really a monster. It was, like, this big arm that came out of the locker, but then we opened it again, it was gone. Nothing. Xander: This was right after Buffy's history teacher starts doing some freaky channeling thing in class. Giles: (stands up) Ooh! Sounds like paranormal phenomena. Willow: (smiles) A ghost? Cool! Xander: Oh, no, no. No. No cool. This was no wimpy chain rattler. This was 'I'm dead as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore.' Giles: Well, despite the Xander-speak, that's a fairly accurate definition of a poltergeist. Xander: I defined something? Accurately? (closes a book on the table) Guess I'm done with the book learning. (sits) Buffy: So we have some bad boo on our hands? Giles: Yes. Willow: Well, why is it here? Does it just wanna scare people? Giles: Unfortunately, he doesn't know exactly what he wants. That's, that's the trouble. See, uh, many times the spirit is plagued by all manner of worldly troubles. Being dead, it has no way to, uh, to make its peace. So it, it lashes out, growing ever more confused, ever more angry. Buffy: So it's a normal teenager, only dead. Willow: Well, what can we do? Is there any way to stop it? Giles: (sits on the table) Uh, the only tried and true way is to work out what unresolved issues keep it here, and-and-and, um, resolve them. Buffy: Fabulous. Now we're Dr. Laura for the deceased. Giles: Only if we can find out who this spirit is. (considers) Or was. Cut to the halls that evening. George is doing his usual mopping. Behind him a classroom door opens, and a teacher comes out to go home. George: Working late Ms. Frank? Ms. Frank: My fault. Let myself get behind. (stops) Is it okay to walk here George? It is George, right? George: Oh, yes ma'am. You go ahead. Ms. Frank: Thanks. (continues on her way) You have a nice evening. George: You too. Drive safe. (looks up at her) Oh, Ms. Frank? Ms. Frank: Yes? George: (drops his mop and approaches her) You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over. Ms. Frank: (shakes her head) There's no way we can be together. (steps closer) No way people will ever understand. Accept it. George: Is that what this is about? What other people think? Ms. Frank: No! I just want you to be able to have some kind of a normal life. We can never have that. Don't you see? George: I don't give a damn about a normal life! I'm going crazy not seeing you. I think about you every minute. She steps closer and puts her hand up on his cheek. He looks down sadly. Ms. Frank: I know. But it's over. It has to be. She turns around and starts to leave. He looks up again and starts to chase after her. George: (angrily) Come back here! We're not finished yet! He grabs her by the arm and turns her around to face him. George: You don't care anymore? Is that it? Ms. Frank: (sobbing) It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I feel. George: Then tell me you don't love me. (shakes her) Say it! Ms. Frank: Will that help? Is that what you have to hear? I don't. I don't. Now let me go. (tries to go) George: No. A person doesn't just wake up one day and stop loving somebody. A gun materializes in his hand. He takes a step back, raises the revolver, pulls the hammer back and aims it at her. She looks at the gun, frightened. George: Love is forever. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. The camera pans through the main room over to a window looking into Giles' office. George and Ms. Frank can be heard faintly as they continue their quarrel. George: I'm not afraid to use it. I swear. If I can't be with you... Ms. Frank: Oh, my God. George: DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, BITCH! Giles notices George's loud yelling and looks up from his desk. He gets up, takes off his glasses and walks out of his office to the area behind the checkout counter. There he hears a faint female voice. Voice: I need you. He looks around for a moment, then jumps to a conclusion. Giles: Jenny. Cut to the hall. He arrives at the hall intersection. George: Don't! Giles looks in the direction of George's voice and sees him out on the balcony holding the gun up to Ms. Frank. George: Don't do that, damn it! Don't talk to me like I'm some dumb... The gun goes off. Giles rushes to the other side of the intersection and hides behind the corner, watching the events as they unfold. Outside Ms. Frank goes into shock from the bullet wound and begins to fall backward. She tumbles over the balcony railing down to the base of the stairs below. There George sees her lying dead with her eyes closed. He panics and runs into the hall. As he reaches the intersection Giles rushes out, grabs him and tackles him to the floor. George loses his grip on the gun and it slides away. As it does so it dissolves and disappears in a whiff of black vapor. George raises his head as Giles gets to his knees behind him and holds him down. George: What's going on? Giles: What's going on? You just shot a woman. George is stunned by the realization that it actually happened. Cut to a modern-looking but deserted mansion. Cut inside to an atrium. Angelus comes in leading Spike and Drusilla on a tour. Angelus: And this... this is the garden. Drusilla: Wow! (walks through) Look. Jasmine. (holds a flower) Angelus: Night blooming. (plays with some pruning shears) Drusilla: Like us. Oh, Angel, it's fairyland. (turns in excitement) Ooh! Spike: (still at the entrance) It's paradise. Big windows, lovely gardens. It'll be perfect when we want the sunlight to kill us. Angelus: If you don't like it, Spike, hit the stairs and go. Take a stand, man. (comes up behind Drusilla) Spike: Well, our old place was just fine till you went and had it burned down. Angelus: (walks around the center stone table) Things change, Spikey. You gotta roll with the punches. Well, actually, you pretty much got that part down, haven't you? Spike: Very funny, mate. Angelus: (peeks his head out from behind Dru) What can I say? (peeks from the other side of her head) I just love to see you smile, buddy. He holds up a jasmine bloom and brushes it across Drusilla's cheek as he growls into her ear. Spike: Yeah, you're a giver. (turns and rolls out) Cut to the library. Giles is in his office, and the others are standing outside his door. Giles: It was just as with the, the couple you encountered the other night, Buffy. The, the janitor remembered everything. He, he knew he'd killed this poor woman, but he had no idea why. Well, they-they had no intimate relationship. He comes out with a few books and heads into the main area. They all follow. Willow: What about the gun? Did you find it? Giles: No, no. The police, everybody, we-we-we-we searched high and low. I think it's very clear what's happening here. He goes into the cage with the books and puts them away. Xander: Fill me in then, 'cause I've read the book, seen the movie, and I'm still fuzzy about what's going on. Giles: It's Jenny. Buffy: What? Xander: You think she's the ghost? Giles: Well, don't you see? Well, she-she-she died here under tragic circumstances, a-a-and now she's trapped. Willow: But what about the gun? I mean, Angel didn't shoot Ms. Calendar. Giles: The gun is insignificant. It's the violence of the thing that matters. (goes back into his office) Buffy: I don't know. These fights these couples keep having, it's sort of... specific. Willow: She's right. It's a pattern that doesn't fit with the way Ms. Calendar died. Giles: (comes out of his office) Yes, well, I, uh, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, I, in fact I... well, I encourage you to, to always, uh, challenge me, uh, when you feel it's appropriate. You should never be cowed by authority. (starts back in, but comes back) Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong. (goes back in) Cut to the computer science classroom. Willow, Xander and Buffy come in. Willow: This is freaky. I don't ever remember ever seeing Giles be this weird. She sits at the desk and types at her laptop. Xander leans on a table behind her. Buffy walks to the other side of the desk. Xander: I know. He's usually Investigate-Things-From-Every-Boring-Angle Guy. Now he's I-Cling-Onto-My-One-Lame-Idea Guy. What gives? Buffy: He misses her. He can't think. Just a little more fallout from my love life. Willow: Okay, but this ghost stuff is something else. Let me do a crosscheck on other shootings at the school. Buffy: Yeah, we need some alternate ghost theories. What do we know? Xander: Dog spit is cleaner than human. Buffy: Besides that? Willow: (finds something) Oh, boy, we know plenty. She scrolls through a newspaper article on her laptop. The title reads "Sunnydale High Jock Kills Lover, Self". Willow: It says a student murdered a teacher on the night of the Sadie Hawkins Dance. The rumor was they were having an affair, and she tried to break it off. After he killed her, he went into the music room and shot himself. Xander: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a ghost. It is one of those two, right? Willow: It all fits: the gun, the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Buffy: Which is tonight. Xander: How come we've never heard about this murder-suicide thing before? When did it happen? Buffy: 1955. Willow and Xander both look up at her surprised. Willow: How did you know? Cut to a short while later. Buffy sets the 1955 Sunnydale High yearbook on the desk and opens it to a picture of Ms. Newman. Buffy: Okay, here's the new strangeness. I dreamt about this woman, (points) Grace Newman, the other day. (turns more pages) Her and this guy. (points) Willow: Jim Stanley? He's the one. He did it. Xander: Your dreams are getting wicked accurate, Buff. You wouldn't happen to see me coming across some big cash? Or possibly knowing the love of a woman? In a full body sense? Buffy: (ignores him) He couldn't make her love him, so he killed her. (turns away) Sicko. (steps away) Willow: He looks so normal on this picture. He was smart, too. He made the honor roll. Buffy: (looks back) Smart. Xander: He killed a person and killed himself. Those are pretty much two of the dumbest things you could do. Willow: I know, but... Well, don't you feel kind of bad for them? Buffy: Sure I feel lousy. For her. He's a murderer and he should pay for it. Willow: With his life? Buffy: No, he should be doing sixty years in a prison, breaking rocks and making special friends with Roscoe the Weightlifter. Xander: Yikes. The quality of mercy is not Buffy. Willow: Whose ghost do you think we're dealing with? His or hers? Buffy: Well, considering how violent it is, I'm gonna say his. Xander: That tracks. Willow: (sits) Well, I've been browsing on some of Ms. Calendar's pagan sites. Maybe I can find a way to communicate with them and... we can find out what he wants. Buffy: Who cares what he wants? We need to shut him down before some other innocent guy goes and kills some poor nice girl and then blows his brains out all over the music room wall. Xander: Okay! (smiles and rubs his hands) Who's hungry? Cut to the cafeteria. Kraut dogs and spaghetti are on the menu today. Cordelia has opted for spaghetti, and after paying comes over to the team's table with her tray. Cordelia: I hope you guys aren't going to the Sadie Hawkins Dance tonight, (sits) 'cause I'm organizing a boycott. Do you realize that the girls have to ask the guys? And pay and everything? I mean, whose genius idea was that? Xander: Obviously, some hairy-legged feminist. Cordelia: Really! Well, we need to nip this thing in the bud. I mean, otherwise, things are going to get really scary. Suddenly they hear several students scream. The hotdogs and spaghetti have all turned into snakes. A boy pulls his snakedog away from his mouth. He has a snake protruding from his lips. He drops the bun, spits out the snake and quickly gets up, backing away from his table. Xander and the others look back at their table and see snakes all over it as well. They quickly get up, except for Cordelia, who is too busy screaming to think. When she finally looks at the table again a snake lunges at her and bites her on the cheek. She reacts fast, throws the snake off of her and runs. Snyder comes through the door and sees the mayhem. He steps back just as a student comes running by and falls over a table. Moments later the cafeteria is deserted. Cut to later outside. The police are there. A team of pest controllers is gathering the snakes, which in the mean time have managed to make their way all around the school. Students are still fleeing the building and running around. Cut to an ambulance. Cordelia and Xander sit at the back while a paramedic dresses Cordelia's snakebite. Cordelia: Perfect. I'm gonna be scarred and swollen. Why didn't they just kill me? Cut to the Police Chief's car. Snyder holds the door open as the Chief gets out. Chief: Schoolboy pranks? Snyder: Never sell. (slams the door and they walk) Chief: The sewer got backed up. Snyder: Better. I can probably make that one fly. But this is getting out of hand. People will talk. Chief: You'll take care of it. Snyder: I'm doing everything I can, but you people have to realize... Two men arrive. Man: Snyder, what's going on here? Snyder: Backed up sewer line. Same thing happened in San Diego just last week. The two men continue into the building. Snyder: (to the Chief) We're on a Hellmouth. Sooner or later, people are gonna figure that out. Chief: The city council was told that you could handle this job. If you feel that you can't, perhaps you'd like to take that up... with the Mayor. (leaves) Snyder: I'll handle it. I will. Cut to Buffy's house that night. Cut inside to her room. She's on her bed, Xander is in her wicker chair, Cordelia is kneeling and leaning against the bed and Willow is standing. Willow: Remember the plan to contact the spirit and talk to it? Scrap that plan. Buffy, you were right. The time for touchy-feely communication is passed. I've done some homework and found the only solution is the final solution. Xander: Nuke the school? (smiles) I like that. Willow: Not quite. Exorcism. Cordelia: Are you crazy? I saw that movie! Even the priest died. Buffy: What's the deal? Willow lays down a map of the school building, and they all lean in to look. Willow: Okay, see here, the balcony? That's where the original teacher died back in 1955 and that teacher last night. That's the hot spot where all the bad mojo is coming from. We need to create a Mangus-tripod. Cordelia: A what? Willow: (points) One person chants here on the hot spot. And the other three chant in other places around the school forming a triangle. It's supposed to bind the bad spirit and keep it from doing any more harm. Buffy: Well, I'll take the hot spot. (takes the map) If there's trouble, that's where it'll be. Willow nods. Xander: This ghost, this James guy, is fixating on you, Buffy. The dreams, the yearbook... You sure you can handle it? Buffy: Well, I'm hoping he'll show. I truly am. Cut to the school that night. They all come into the hall from outside. Buffy: Okay, we all have our places. We do the chant and light the candle at midnight exactly. Any questions? Cordelia: Yeah, what if this mangled triangle thingy doesn't work? Willow: Oh! I almost forgot. I made us all scapulas. (hands them out) Xander: Okay, so we can flip the ghost over when it turns a nice golden brown? Willow: Scapula, not spatula. Um, you wear it around your neck for protection. Cordelia: You expect me to wear this? It smells like grandpa breath. Willow: Sorry, I didn't have a lot of time. I had to use sulfur. Stinky, but effective. Buffy: Okay, let's do this. They all continue into the student lounge. Cordelia: No problem. This will be a piece of cake. Right? They hear a creaking and then a crashing noise. They jump and look in that direction and see that the doors at the end of the hall have slammed shut on their own. One by one the other doors at the ends of the two intersecting halls slam shut. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ The atrium in the mansion. Drusilla sifts through the dirt in one of the large planters. Spike is in his wheelchair, and Angelus is on the bench behind Drusilla. Drusilla: Maybe I'll sleep underground. Dig myself a little burrow. Spike: What about your pretty dress, sweet? It'll get all dirty. Drusilla: Then I'll sleep naked. Like the animals do. Angelus: You know, I'm suddenly liking this plan. Drusilla lies down on the ground in front of the planter. Spike: Fortunately, nobody cares what you like, mate. Angelus: Oh, yeah? Let's ask Dru. He slides off of the bench and crouches, looking at Drusilla. She begins to laugh as she has a vision. Drusilla: There's a gate! (rolls onto her back, laughing) It's opening! (gets to her knees) Angelus: Incoming! I love when she does this. Spike: What gate, pet? What do you see? Drusilla: (bounces gleefully) It's black. (hums) It wants her. (hums) Angelus: (crawls up behind her) Wants who? Drusilla: The Slayer. It's time, Angel. (stands up) She's ready for you now. (begins to move) She's dancing. Dancing with death. Spike: Big deal. He won't do anything. Our man Angel here likes to talk but he's not much for action. All hat and no cattle. Angelus: (grabs Dru's waist) I don't know about that. (turns her around) I think this whole Slayer thing has run its course. (crouches down by her) I'm ready to focus my energy elsewhere. Spike: Really? Angelus: Oh, yeah! What, with you being Special Needs Boy, I figure I should stick close to home. (walks his fingers up Dru's thigh and waist) You and Dru can always use another pair of hands. Drusilla coos with delight. Angelus chuckles maniacally. Spike looks at the two of them angrily. Cut to the hall outside of the school library. Willow walks along and slows down to look down the other hall before continuing. Behind her Giles opens the door, and she screams out in fright. He startles and yells out, too. Giles: God, Willow, what are you doing here? You're not supposed to be inside. Willow: Me? What about you? Giles: I'm, uh, I'm, I'm trying to, uh... (puts on his glasses) I think I-I may be close to, uh, contacting Jenny. Willow gives him an understanding look. He starts to go back into the library, but turns back. Giles: What's that smell? Willow: It's my scapula. Giles: Ah, right, of course. Did you use sulfur? Willow: Yeah. Giles: That's clever. Uh, well, uh, run along then. Th-there may be some, uh, paranormal ph-phenomena if I contact her. Y-y-you don't want to be in the line of fire. He goes back in, and the door swings shut behind him. Willow: Okay. 'Night. Cut to a girls' bathroom. Cordelia comes in with her candle and flashlight and looks around. The place is deserted. She sees her reflection in the mirror with a bandage on her cheek. She walks over to it and sets the candle down on the shelf. She pulls off the bandage and winces at the pain. Leaning toward the mirror she inspects the twin fang marks on her cheek. Cut to the hall. Buffy walks along and hears the song "I Only Have Eyes For You", by The Flamingos, playing somewhere. Down another hall she can see shadows in a bright light dancing against a wall. Lyrics: My love must be a kind of blind love She walks toward the sound and through a pair of doors. Lyrics: I can't see anyone but you Beyond them is another set of doors to the music room. A Class of '55 Sadie Hawkins Dance flyer is taped to one of the door windows. She steps over to the other door and looks in. There she sees James and Grace dancing slowly to the music. Cut to the cafeteria. There are still a few snakes there. Xander comes in and looks around. Xander: Oh, yeah, baby, it's snakalicious in here. Cut to the landing up the stairs from the student lounge. Willow steps up to it and looks around nervously. Cut to Buffy watching James and Grace slowly turn as they dance. Lyrics: The moon may be high / but I can't see a thing in the sky When James turns into view again Buffy sees that his face is all rotted. Lyrics: 'Cause I only have eyes for you Buffy stares back in open-mouthed shock. James and Grace are suddenly gone. Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia digs in her purse for some makeup. When she looks back up and is about to put some on, the side of her face with the snakebite suddenly becomes rotten. She screams at the top of her lungs. Cut to the landing. Willow sets her candle down on the floor. Below her the floor suddenly starts to swirl, and a green demonic hand reaches up and grabs her, pulling her down. She screams for all she's worth, and grabs the stair railing to keep from being pulled in. Willow: (screams) GILES! He hears her screams and comes running. Giles: WILLOW! Willow: GILES! GILES! The pull is too strong, and she loses her grip on the railing. Giles: WHERE ARE YOU?! He comes running into the lounge area. Willow: PLEASE! HELP! HELP ME! He turns and sees her sinking into the floor. He scrambles up the stairs to her aid. Willow: HELP! HELP! HELP! HELP! He grabs her arms and starts to pull. She screams again as the pit continues to try to suck her in. Giles lets out a grunt and manages to slowly lift her out. When she's free of the pit she suddenly snaps into his arms, and they both go rolling down the stairs. Cut to the balcony. Buffy puts her scapula around her neck and pulls her hair out of the back. Suddenly she senses something and stares off into space. She has a vision of Ms. Newman running out of the hall onto the balcony being chased by James with his gun. James: Stop! Cut to Ms. Newman facing James. Ms. Newman: Just calm down. Cut to James shaking the gun at her. It goes off. Cut to Ms. Newman clutching her chest over the bullet wound. She pulls her hand away and looks at the blood. Cut to Buffy for just an instant. Cut to James walking into the music room. Cut to him putting on a record. Cut to him crying. Cut to him raising the gun to his head. Cut to him crying again as he pulls the trigger. Cut to Buffy on the balcony. James comes up to her with a rotted face and grabs her by the arms. James: Get out! The vision of him fades quickly, and she takes a few steps back. Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia is panting with fear, covering her face with her hands. She looks into the mirror again and sees that her face is suddenly normal again. She pulls her hands away, takes a closer look and begins to calm down a bit. Cut to the lounge. Giles gets up and goes up a few steps to make sure that the pit is gone. He comes back down to Willow. Giles: Are you all right? Willow: (still frightened) Giles, (shakes her head) Jenny could never be this mean. Giles: (glances up at the landing) I know. (sits) It's, it's not her, is it? Willow: I'm sorry. The town clock begins to strike midnight. Willow: Oh, God. Oh. She scrambles back up to the landing to light the candle. He follows. Giles: Careful up here! Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia is nervous but ready with her candle and lighter. Cut to the balcony. Buffy strikes a match and lights her candle. Cut to the landing. Willow struggles with her lighter. The flame won't ignite. Giles crouches down, takes it from her and lights the candle. Willow: I shall confront and expel all evil. Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia lights her candle. Cordelia: I shall totally confront and expel all evil. Cut to the cafeteria. Xander sits on a table with his lit candle before him. He has his legs crossed, hands folded and eyes closed as if in prayer. Xander: Out of marrow and bone... Cut to the balcony. Buffy lights her candle. Buffy: Out of house and home... never to come here again. Cut to the landing. Giles and Willow look around. Nothing is happening. Cut to the cafeteria. Xander opens his eyes. Nothing happens there either. Cut to the bathroom. Cordelia looks around also. All seems quiet. Cut to the balcony. Buffy watches as a breeze blows out her candle. She looks in the direction of the gust. Cut to the landing. The candle there has been blown out, too. Giles and Willow exchange a look. Cut to the cafeteria. Xander's candle is out also. He looks around nervously. Cut to the girls' bathroom. Cordelia watches the smoke drift from the glowing wick. Cut to the lounge. Giles and Willow come down the stairs and look down the hall. They hear a faint buzzing. It steadily gets louder. At the far end of the hall they see a dark swarm of wasps coming toward them. Giles: Oh, my God! They both break into a dead run. As they round a corner Buffy and Cordelia join them from another hall. Giles: You all right? Xander comes running out of the cafeteria and keeps pace. They reach the far end of the hall where the doors are jammed shut. Buffy: Get back! Giles backs off, and Buffy kicks the door open, shattering the glass. They all immediately run out. The wasps are right behind them. When they reach the street Xander looks back and stops. Xander: Check it. They all stop and turn to look as well. Xander: I'd say school's out for good. They all stare in amazement. Giles takes off his glasses. The wasps have arranged themselves in a wall around the school so that nothing can get in or out. Cut to the living room at Buffy's house. She leans against the wall. Giles and the others are seated around the coffee table. He pours some tea for himself. There is also a pot of coffee for the others. Giles: The good news is none of you girls were shot. Well, we've established, based on all the parallels and-and-and Buffy's visions, that it's James' spirit. Willow: So what do we do, Giles? About James. Giles: Well, he's obviously reliving the night of the Sadie Hawkins Dance when he killed Ms. Newman. It-it's-it's common enough for a spirit to do this, to... recreate a, a tragedy. Cordelia: (munches a cracker) Hey. If Sunnydale High School shuts down forever, do we automatically graduate? Xander: (ignores her) But why? What does he want? (thinks again about Cordelia's question) Actually, that's an interesting point. Giles: He's, he's trying to... resolve whatever issues are keeping him in limbo. W-w-what exactly those are, I'm not... Buffy: (interrupts) He wants forgiveness. Giles: (leans back) Yes. (gets up) I imagine he does. (goes to her) But when James possesses people, they act out exactly what happened that night. So he's experiencing a form of purgatory instead. I mean, he's, he's doomed to, to kill his Ms. Newman over and over and over again, and... forgiveness is impossible. Buffy: Good. He doesn't deserve it. Giles: To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's, it's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it. Buffy: No. James destroyed the one person he loved the most in a moment of blind passion. And that's not something you forgive. No matter why he did what he did. And no matter if he knows now that it was wrong and selfish and stupid, it is just something he's gonna have to live with. Xander: He can't live with it, Buff. He's dead. She just looks back at them all for a moment, then stalks off into the kitchen. Cordelia: Okay. Overidentify much? (munches her cracker) Cut to the kitchen. Buffy comes in. She has her hands in her pockets and finds a folded sheet of paper. She pulls it out and unfolds it. It's a Class of '55 Sadie Hawkins Dance flyer. She puts down the flyer and hears a faint male voice. Voice: I need you. She goes out the kitchen door. Cut to the living room. Willow gets up from her chair. Willow: So what do we do next? Do we go in again? Giles: Well, not now. No, the, uh... the spirit is too angry, too, too powerful. No, we have to work out exactly how and, and if this thing can be defeated. Cut to the school. It is still surrounded by the swarm of wasps. Buffy walks up to it anyway. The swarm parts to let her in. When she reaches the doors they open for her, and the swarm closes the gap behind her. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The kitchen at Buffy's house. Willow comes in looking for her. Willow: Hey, Buffy, are you... See sees the flyer lying on the island and picks it up. Willow: Oh, God. Giles! (he comes in) She went back. Cut to the school. They all stand in front of it looking at the swarm. Xander: So what now? Not even a mega-vat of Raid's gonna do the trick here. Cordelia: I don't get it. Is she trying to be a big loner hero or something? Giles: No. I believe she's under the spirit's thrall. He's, he's calling her. Cordelia: But why? Giles: James needs her to re-enact everything that happened on the night that he, he killed Ms. Newman. He wants to change things, make, make a happy ending. Willow: But it can't ever happen! It always ends the same, which means Buffy just went in there to get shot, Giles. Giles: Yes. But the school's deserted. There's no way for James to... to play his part. There's, there's no man inside for him to possess. Xander: So Buffy should be safe until we find a way to get her out. Willow: In theory, yeah. Cut inside the school. Buffy walks idly through the halls. She stops by the trophy case and turns around. Angelus walks in and blocks the camera's view. Angelus: Fun fact about wasps. Cut to Buffy with her back to Angelus. Angelus: They have no taste for the undead. Not that a sting would do me any damage, it's just... tonight's special. I wanted to look my best for you. Buffy: (quietly) You're the only one. The only person I can talk to. Angelus: Gosh, Buff. That's really pathetic. Buffy: (faces him) You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over. Angelus: Actually... (approaches her) I can. In fact... I just want you to be able to have some kind of normal life. We can never have that, don't you see? Buffy: I don't give a damn about a normal life! I'm going crazy not seeing you. I think about you every minute. He raises his hand to her cheek. Cut to 1955. Grace puts her hand on James' cheek. He looks down sadly. Ms. Newman: I know. But it's over. It has to be! She turns around and starts to leave. He looks up again and starts to chase after her. Cut to 1998. Buffy chases after Angelus. Buffy: (angrily) Come back here! We're not finished! She grabs him by the arm and turns him around to face her. Buffy: You don't care anymore, is that it? Angelus: (sobbing) It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I feel. Buffy: Then tell me you don't love me! Cut to 1955. James: Say it! Ms. Newman: Is that what you need to hear? Will that help? I don't. Cut to 1998. Angelus: I don't. Now let me go. (tries to go) Buffy: No. A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody! Cut to 1955. Grace looks at James. He takes a step back, raises a revolver, pulls the hammer back and aims it at her. Cut to 1998. Angelus looks at the gun and then at Buffy, frightened. Buffy: Love is forever. I'm not afraid to use it, I swear! If I can't be with you... Angelus: Oh, my God! He turns around and starts running out of the hall toward the balcony. Cut to 1955. Grace runs from the hall. James: DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME... Cut to 1998. Buffy: ...BITCH! Angelus runs out of the hall. She runs after him. Cut to 1955. James runs after Grace. Cut to 1998. Angelus barges through the door out onto the balcony. Buffy: Stop it! (comes out the door) Stop it! Don't make me! He stops next to the balcony railing. Angelus: (breathing heavily with fear) All right. Just... (turns around) Cut to 1955. Grace turns around to face James. Ms. Newman: You know you don't want to do this. Let's both... just calm down. Now give me the gun. (holds out her hand) James: Don't. Don't do that, damn it! Cut to 1998. Buffy: Don't talk to me like I'm some stupid... The gun goes off. Angelus flinches from the wound. Cut outside the school. Giles and the others hear the gunshot. Willow draws a worried breath. Cut to the balcony. Angelus has his hand clutched to his chest. He pulls it away and sees the blood. He looks up at Buffy. She stares back in open-mouthed shock at what she just did. Angelus: James. Cut to 1955. Grace goes into shock from the bullet wound and begins to fall backward. She tumbles over the balcony railing down to the base of the stairs below. Cut to 1998. Buffy just stares in shock. Cut to 1955. James sees Grace below lying dead with her eyes closed. He slowly goes back into the hall. Cut to 1998. Angelus lies prone at the base of the stairs below. Cut to the music room. Buffy slowly comes in. Cut to Angelus. His eyes suddenly open. He props himself up on his elbows and looks up at the balcony. Cut to the music room. Buffy walks to the record player at the back of the room. She turns it on and begins playing the record. Lyrics: My love must be a kind of blind love She looks over into a mirror, and James looks back at her. Her eyes are full of tears as she looks at him. He looks down at the gun in his hand. Lyrics: I can't see anyone but you The camera pans down from Buffy's face to the gun in her hand. She raises it slowly, but a hand takes it and pushes it back down. She turns and finds herself face to face with Angelus. Buffy: Grace! Angelus: Don't do this. Buffy: But-but I killed you. Angelus: It was an accident. It wasn't your fault. Buffy: Oh, it is my fault. How could I... Angelus: Shhh. I'm the one who should be sorry, James. You thought I stopped loving you. But I never did. I loved you with my last breath. Buffy lets out a few sobs. Angelus: Shhh... No more tears. Cut to 1955. Grace and James kiss. Cut to 1998. Angelus and Buffy kiss. They hold each other tightly as they continue kissing for a long time. Above them in the ceiling a bright light appears, and the spirits of Grace and James leave this world for the next. As quickly as it appeared the light is gone. Buffy and Angelus gently break off their kiss and open their eyes. Buffy: (softly) Angel. Suddenly he growls, pushes her away and runs from the room, leaving Buffy there in shock. Dissolve to the library. Giles paces behind the counter. The door opens, and Willow, Xander and Cordelia come in. Willow: Everything seems normal. Not a snake, not a wasp. Cordelia: Yep. School can open again tomorrow. Xander: Explain to me again how that's a good thing. They all lean against the counter. Cordelia: I'm drawing a blank. Giles goes back into his office where Buffy is resting. Giles: Are you feeling any better? Buffy: James picked me. I guess... I guess I was the one he could relate to. He was so sad. Giles: (sits by her) Well... they can both rest now. Buffy: I still... (exhales) A part of me just doesn't understand why she would forgive him. Giles: Does it matter? Buffy: No. I guess not. Cut to the atrium at the mansion. Angelus stands by the fountain bare- chested, breathing frantically and scrubbing himself hard with the water. Spike: You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated. Angelus: What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you. He walks from the fountain and passes Spike in disgust. Drusilla: What was it? A demon? Angelus: Love! He grabs a clean shirt and starts to put it on. Drusilla: Poor Angel. Angelus: (walks back) Let's get outta here. I need a real vile kill before sunup to wipe this crap out of my system. He pulls on his jacket over his still-unbuttoned shirt. Drusilla comes up to him and growls. He snarls back. Drusilla: Of course. We'll find you a nice toddler. (snarls) Angelus starts up the stairs out of the garden. Drusilla: (to Spike) Want to come, pet? Angelus: (comes back down) No can do, Dru. I'm sure he'd be hell on wheels, but we don't have much time. (to Spike) Gotta travel light. (puts his hands on Spike's shoulders) Sorry. Try to have fun without me. He goes back up the stairs, and Drusilla makes haste to follow. Spike watches them go with an angry look on his face and exhales. Spike: Oh, I will. He takes his foot from its footrest and puts it on the ground. He slowly gets up and stands tall, apparently recovered from his weakness. He kicks back at his wheelchair angrily. It goes spinning away. He looks back up at the garden entryway. Spike: Sooner than you think.	Plan: A: a former Sunnydale High student; Q: Who is the tortured ghost of? A: the night; Q: On what night of the Sadie Hawkins dance does the ghost of a former Sunnydale High student re-enact a murder-suicide? A: the school's Sadie Hawkins dance; Q: On what night does the ghost of a former Sunnydale High student re-enact a murder-suicide? A: the parts; Q: What do Buffy and Angelus have to play to change the tragic outcome? A: peace; Q: What do the lovers' spirits find after the tragic event? A: forgiveness; Q: What does Buffy learn about the meaning of? Summary: The tortured ghost of a former Sunnydale High student re-enacts a murder-suicide on the night of the school's Sadie Hawkins dance . Bespelled to play the parts, Buffy and Angelus change the tragic outcome just enough for the lovers' spirits to find peace, and for Buffy to learn the meaning of forgiveness.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. ROAD -- NIGHT] (The road is busy, crowded with cars. Sirens wail in the distance. Keppler walks toward the scene with his kit.) (He nods to Sofia and ducks under the tape the officer holds up for him. He meets up with Nick. Together, they head toward the burned house.) Nick: The vic is Ross Neddy. Ex-con. Spent a couple years in Jean for domestic assault. Just got paroled. (They look at the dead body.) Nick: Shop foreman says he's only been working here a few days. Keppler: Out of the frying pan into the fire. Nick: He is a crispy critter. I'd say the point of origin was him. (Keppler kneels.) Keppler: He should have stayed in prison. Nick: Mmm-hmm. (Keppler sees the burned gasoline can next to the body.) Keppler: Sloppy shop. This whole place is a fire hazard. (David walks up to Nick.) David Phillips: Okay if I move him out? Nick: Yeah, he's all yours, Super Dave. (Inside the room, Greg sweeps the floor with a hand-held device. It beeps.) Greg: There was a lot of gasoline over here. (Keppler joins Greg.) Which explains this V-pattern. (Greg indicates the burn on the wall.) Greg: Accelerant, a second point of origin. Most likely arson. (Nick snaps a photo.) Nick: Ex-con. (Quick flash to: Someone douses the place with gasoline and lights a torch.) Nick: (V.O.) Enemies on the outside ... two points of origin ... maybe we're looking at a little payback. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Nick turns to Keppler.) Nick: What do you think, Keppler? Keppler: I think I'd better head back to the body. (Keppler steps past Nick and heads out. Nick calls out after him.) Nick: Hey ... you know what Grissom would say here, don't you? David Phillips: Something ironic, I'm sure. (David and the coroner pass by with the body. Nick nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Keppler and David Phillips roll the body on the table onto its side. Keppler looks at the back and cuts the shirt down the middle. He peels the material apart and finds the body's back is stapled together down the middle.) Keppler: Looks like somebody took a staple gun to him. [SCENE_BREAK] [CU: X-RAY] (X-ray images of the bones in the body's legs appear on the monitor as Dr. Robbins and Keppler look at the images on screen. They reach the thighs and they know they're not looking at bones.) Robbins: Those aren't bones. (Keppler leans forward and looks at the monitor.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Robbins removes the stables in the body's back. He reaches in and pulls out a pipe.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Robbins opens the back of the body's upper right thigh while Keppler opens the back of the body's upper left thigh. Robbins removes another pipe.) (Keppler removes an umbrella. The umbrella pops open.) (oops.) (Keppler moves the umbrella aside and finds Robbins spattered with blood. Robbins looks drolly back at Keppler as he wipes the blood from his scrubs top.) Keppler: That's bad luck, isn't it? SMASH TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Robbins goes over his findings with Keppler, Nick and Greg.) Robbins: ABC piping is sometimes used to replace bones that have been donated for transplants. Keppler: So that the body looks right at open casket? Robbins: Right. Greg: They use umbrellas and broomsticks for that, too? Robbins: Not that I've seen. (Greg looks at the bottom of the umbrella and notices a distinct logo.) Keppler: Wait a minute, they killed the guy and torched him; there's no open casket. What's the point of stuffing the body? (Nick has his hands in the body.) Nick: Looks like the long bones are gone ... ditto for the spine ... tendons and cartilage ... most major veins ... phew. Robbins: They took the heart valves, too. (Nick looks at the part of the heart that's left.) Keppler: So somebody murders an ex-con, then commits arson to make it look like an accident just so that they can harvest his bones and tissues? Robbins: That's big business -- disc replacement, joint replacement, bypasses-- more demand than supply. Greg: Why leave the kidneys, the heart and the liver? They're worth big money, too. Robbins: Organ donation is heavily regulated. Bone and tissue aren't. Greg: COD? Robbins: At this point, indeterminate. All I can say right now is based on the level of decomp, he's been dead at least a week. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BULLPEN - NIGHT] (Sofia talks with Joe Boony.) Joe Boony: You think I'm selling body parts? Come on, you're wasting your time. I sell refurbished engines. I don't know jack about body parts. Sofia: No one's looking for a down-and-out ex-con. It's less risky than drugs. (He points to the photo of Ross Neddy.) Joe Boony: I hired Ross to weld metal together. Even if I killed him -- not saying I did -- but if even if I did, I'd just burn the body as is, not re-pipe the guy. And I definitely wouldn't burn him at work. Fire station's a block away. Sofia: How do you know Ross? You meet him in the joint? Joe Boony: I was out before he even went in. I picked Ross up with a bunch of other guys looking for work outside that big hardware store on Herrick four days ago. Sofia: When was the last time you saw him? Joe Boony: Four days ago. He'd been working nights. Sofia: Really? 'Cause the coroner said he's been dead at least a week. Joe Boony: You calling me a liar? Sofia: I'd believe a dead guy over an ex-con. Joe Boony: Ouch. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. NORTON RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Brass, Warrick and Sara duck under the crime scene tape on their way to the large plush house.) Warrick: Living large. Brass: Mm. Warrick: Place this big in MacDonald Ranch -- what's the occupation? (Brass looks over his shoulder at the man leaning against the car.) Brass: That's, uh, Bill Dorton. You know, Dorton Homes. Biggest homebuilder in town. He built mine. Warrick: Huh. (They reach the front door.) Brass: Oh, uh ... you'd better throw on some booties. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DORTON RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (The body is on the carpeted floor between the coffee table and the couch. The carpet is soaked with blood.) Brass: Margo Dorton, age 39. (Sara puts her kit down. Warrick snaps photos of the body and surrounding areas.) Brass: Her husband said he returned from a business trip and found her like this. No sign of a forced entry. My guys are gonna go talk to the neighbors, see what they say about their relationship. (Brass turns to leave.) Warrick: What did he say? Brass: According to him, it was a honeymoon every day. (Brass leaves. Warrick turns and looks at Sara. Sara shrugs.) Sara: Maybe ... she was having a honeymoon with someone else. Warrick: That'll be good motive for the husband. (Sara notices the patch of blood-free couch.) Sara: There's a void here. Maybe someone was sitting on the couch, or someone was sitting on the floor in front of the couch. Warrick: But then where's the "someone else"? I mean, why kill her and not the lover? (Quick flashback to: Bill Dorton sits on the couch and is kissing someone else. His wife walks in.) Warrick: (V.O.) Maybe the husband was the one having the honeymoon and the ... the wife walks in. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Warrick: He kills her, tells his lover to beat it. Sara: I'd buy it. Unless the husband's alibi checks out. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DORTON RESIDENCE - FRONT - DAY] (Brass talks with Bill Dorton.) Bill Dorton: Airport. I was coming home from the airport. It's a business trip. Caught an early flight to surprise Margo. I want your best cops on this. I contributed a lot to this community. Brass: Absolutely. Let's establish a timeline. What time did your plane land? Bill Dorton: Around 10:30. Brass: 10:30. And you arrived here at ... Bill Dorton: Midnight. Brass: Well, it took you an hour and a half at that time of night to get from McKaren to here? Bill Dorton: (crying) A half an hour waiting for baggage check, and half an hour to find my driver, and a half an hour to get home. [INT. DORTON RESIDENCE] (Warrick finds a ticket and key in Margo's purse.) Warrick: Look at this. Valet ticket. Nice purse. Nice dress. Maybe safe to say she went out last night. Maybe this will tell where. (Sara finds some hair.) Sara: Maybe this ... will tell us who. (Warrick snaps a photo. He looks down and sees the trail of blood.) Warrick: I'm gonna follow a little lead I got. (Warrick follows the blood drops into the bathroom. The blood drops lead to the toilet. There's a drop on the seat. He takes a swab sample of it. There's also a stain on the floor. He tests the stain. It's positive for blood.) Warrick: (V.O.) Well, I found a circular blood transfer in the bathroom ... (Warrick reports his findings with Sara.) Warrick: ... about three inches in diameter. (They look around and see the bottle on the table.) Sara/Warrick: Champagne bottle. (Sara checks it.) Sara: Looks like it's been wiped down. Warrick: Looks like we found our murder weapon. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Keppler cuts off a finger and sticks it in a liquid-filled sample container. He adds some powder to the container and shakes it.) [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (Back at the lab, he injects the solution into the finger, then takes a print off the finger.) (He runs the finger through the database and finds a match to a ROGER LAPINSKY.) (He runs the name ROGER LAPINSKY through SPYDER FINDER. He finds an obituary.) [CU: HEADLINE] (The online headline reads: Roger Lapinsky Dies at age 37.) Nick: (V.O.) So the crispy critter isn't Ross Neddy? [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Keppler shares his findings with Nick.) Keppler: Nope. Nick: Let me get this straight. The ex-con digs up a corpse, scoops out a few body parts to sell, then fills it back up with PVC and umbrellas, then torches the body where he works to make it look like he's the victim? Keppler: Cops don't come looking for you if you're already dead. Nick: But if this Lapinsky guy was already dead, then how come the doc didn't find traces of embalming fluid? Keppler: He's Jewish. Nick: So what? Keppler: Observant Jews don't believe in embalming or donating organs. It's part of their faith. They think the body should go out the way it came in. Nick: So, this isn't just about desecration of the body, but of the family as well. Keppler: Mmm-hmm. Nick: I'll get a court order for the exhumation. (Nick heads off in one direction, Keppler heads off in the other. We stay with Keppler.) [INT. CSI - KEPPLER'S OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Keppler walks into his office and puts his cup down on the desk. He looks through his mail and stops on a particular envelope. He opens the envelope.) (Inside is a funeral program for: AMY MCCARTY JUNE 28, 1969 - JANUARY 22, 1983 You are cordially invited to a celebration of life in remembrance of Amy. January 22, 2007 7:00 pm St. Martine's Church 5689 Gelson Way, Trenton, New Jersey (Keppler sits down. He flips the program over and finds a note: We missed you this year kiddo. Be well. Fr. Anthony (Keppler takes a deep breath. He looks at Amy's photo on the cover.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB] (Hodges is looking through the scope when Warrick walks in.) Warrick: What you got? Hodges: Well, looks like your killer wigged out on your vic. (He steps aside and Warrick looks through the scope.) Hodges: Use the polarizer. The pink fiber's modacrylic with low birefringence. Most likely made of elura. Warrick: Synthetic hair. So much for DNA. Hodges: And the substance you found in the toilet -- if it looks like vomit and smells like vomit, it is. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Sara reports her findings to Catherine.) Sara: The champagne glasses were negative for DNA, and Mandy found nothing but smears and partials on them. And the blood from the champagne bottle just came back to the vic. Catherine: Any good news? Sara: Well, I called the phone number on the valet stub. It was a company called Chariot Parking. They operate the parking lots at thirty restaurants and nightclubs. Catherine: Oh, well, that narrows it down. Sara: Actually, it does. The ticket on Margo Dorton's key ring came from a batch at the Over-Under Cabaret. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OVER-UNDER CABARET] (Warrick and Sara enter the club. Warrick stops a dancer and shows her a photo.) Warrick: Excuse me, have you seen this man? (She looks at the photo and shakes her head.) Dancer: No. Warrick: No. Thank you. (Warrick and Sara continue through the club.) Announcer (over speakers): All right, guys! Listen up! Get ready for tonight's panty auction! (The crowd applauds.) (Sara walks up to a worker and shows her the photo.) Sara: Hello. Have you seen this man? Dancer: No. (Dancer leaves.) Announcer: All right. For our first pair, starting at the low price of $50, Cotton Candy! Doesn't accept checks, just cold, hard cash. (The first dancer appears on stage. She's wearing pink underwear and a pink wig.) Warrick: Check out the pink wig. (The crowd goes wild. Sara holds up her badge just as the dancer takes her panties off.) Sara: Bid! (Cotton Candy stops. Sara smiles at her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OVER-UNDER CABARET] (The officers hold Cotton Candy as Warrick handles her pink wig.) Cotton Candy: Come on, come on. Why you got to take the wig? Wig's part of my act. (Warrick hands the pink wig to Sara.) Cotton Candy: Y'all are straight stealing from me right now! Hello! Warrick: I'm crying for you. (Sara examines the wig.) Sara: Synthetic. Same color and texture as the one that we collected off the vic. (Warrick motions to the officer, who puts handcuffs on Cotton Candy.) Cotton Candy: Whoa, wh ... Hey, hey, hey! Look, look, look, look, look. Look, we didn't even have sx, okay? It was all touchy feely. Jerky treats. Warrick: What are you talking about? Cotton Candy: The guy I took into VIP right before panty auction. Look, man, all we did was touch. Warrick: Why do you think you're being arrested? Cotton Candy: Solicitation, right? Sara: No, actually. We found this hair on this woman's dead body. Cotton Candy: Margo? She's dead? And you think I killed her? Warrick: With or without the help of her husband. Cotton Candy: No, no, no. Look, man, I never seen dude in that picture. And Margo, yeah, I'll admit, I slapped the ho around last night, but I didn't kill her. Sara: You slapped her around? Cotton Candy: She's always hanging out with my fiancé, okay? I couldn't take it anymore, so ... yeah. (Quick flashback to: Margo is walking when Cotton Candy runs out and tackles her.) Cotton Candy: (screams) Bitch! Margot Dorton: Get off of me! No! Man: Hey, hey, hey, hey! (A man grabs Cotton Candy from behind and pulls her off Margo.) Cotton Candy: Get off! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Why would Margo Dorton be hanging out here with your fiancé? Cotton Candy: He works upstairs. Warrick: Upstairs? Cotton Candy: Look, honey, they don't call this the Over-Under for nothing, all right? Sara: What's your fiancé's name? Cotton Candy: Jesse. Warrick: Take her downtown. We're going upstairs. Cotton Candy: Are you serious? I didn't do anything. (Warrick and Sara leave Cotton Candy with the officer. He puts handcuffs on her.) Cotton Candy: (o.s.) Come on, man. [INT. OVER UNDER CABARET -- UPSTAIRS] (Sara and Warrick walk through the corridor. On each side of the hallway are rooms. They peer into room 16 and see a man and a woman sitting at a table.) (They continue to the next room. In room 17, there's a gathering inside.) (They stop at the next room where two women are looking through a binder full of photos of men.) Sara: Is this a restaurant? Warrick: If it is, I'm scared of the menu. (There's a bar and a bartender in the large room at the end of the hallway..) Warrick: The bus boy looks likes he's in charge of stocking the champagne. I'm gonna have a word with him. Sara: Okay. (Warrick walks away.) (The head host walks up to Sara.) Head Host: Would you like a Meet Book or do you have a steady host? Sara: Uh, actually, it's my first time. What exactly goes on here? Head Host: This is a host club, a place where men entertain women. It's the first of its kind in Las Vegas. They started in Japan. Take your pick. (He offers her a thick binder. Sara takes it and looks through it.) Head Host: Hosts get paid by the bottle. There's a two-bottle minimum. Bottles range from $50 to $5,000. Sara: What's a $5,000 bottle of champagne taste like? Head Host: We only sell one brand of champagne. It's the host attached to the bottle that determines price. Sara: Oh. Everything is legal in Clark County. Head Host: Miss, we don't sell sx here. Sara: What do you sell? Head Host: A relationship. Isn't that what most women want? (She flips through the book and stops at a photo.) Sara: I don't know. But I know what I want. I want Jesse. Head Host: Who doesn't? Let me see if he's avail. (He takes the binder from her, turns and leaves Sara. Sara looks inside the room where one man sits with three women. The host approaches the man and talks to him. It's Jesse.) [WARRICK] (Meanwhile, Warrick has a chat with the bus boy.) Bus Boy: Never seen the old guy before, but the lady, a bunch. Last night, she got blasted on by one of the strippers downstairs. Warrick: Really? (Someone retches. Warrick turns and sees two men run into the men's room.) Warrick: Are they doing what I think they're doing? Bus Boy: Hosts get paid by the bottle. So they drink more than their stomachs can handle. Always see blood in those toilets. (Warrick nods.) [SARA] (Jesse approaches Sara.) Jesse Hottman: Ah, just off work, huh? Sara: Just on, actually. Sara Sidle, Crime Lab. Jesse Hottman: Oh. What can I do for you? Sara: Do you know this woman? Jesse Hottman: Ah. Lady Dorton. Yeah, she's one of my relationships. Sara: Could I ask you a few questions about her? Jesse Hottman: Okay. Um, I don't like to talk about my relationships out here. Let's take it someplace a little more intimate, yeah? Sara: Okay. (He takes her hand and leads her away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (The coffin is wheeled into the garage. Keppler puts on his gloves.) Nick: The coffin had only been in the ground for about a week. Dirt and sod were pretty loose, so it was relatively easy to take out and put back in. Keppler: You guys sure do a lot of exhumations here. Nick: As many as we have to. (Keppler and Nick each grab a cover. They open the coffin and find it empty of a body.) Keppler: Nobody home. Nick: No surprise. (Keppler takes out his flashlight while Nick snaps photos of the inside of the coffin.) (Keppler finds a piece of cloth caught in the wood.) Keppler: Look at this. (He picks it up.) Lapinsky may have been burned in this shirt, but I doubt he was buried in it. Nick: Dead men don't wear plaid. (Nick finds something.) Wait a minute. Is this blood? (Nick points to the red spots at the bottom of the box.) (Quick flash to: Someone opens the coffin, catches his sleeve on the wood and tears it with some of his skin. End of flash.) Keppler: Dead men don't bleed. (Nick snaps photos of the blood.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OVER-UNDER CABARET -- UPSTAIRS] (Sara talks with Jesse Hottman.) Sara: How did you meet Margo? Jesse Hottman: Uh, she picked me from the Meet Book. Sara: And then what? Jesse Hottman: Uh, she wanted what most women want. Sara: What's that? (He offers her a drink. She declines.) Sara: No, thank you. Jesse Hottman: The dream. Sara: And that's you. Jesse Hottman: 50 G's I make a month says I am. Who doesn't want to be swept off their feet? Sara: I am not sure it's something that I would pay for. Jesse Hottman: Yeah, but you don't want to spend your whole life waiting for it either. Right here, right now, a woman can have a relationship with a man who only wants to please her -- who can make her laugh, wipe away her tears, give her the confidence to be herself. Sara: And how many of these relationships do you have? Jesse Hottman: I can handle about twenty-five at a time. Sara: Is a woman named Cotton Candy one of them? Jesse Hottman: Yeah. She's been financially worshipping me for a while. Sara: Now, she says that she is your fiancée. Jesse Hottman: That's good. Means I'm doing my job. Sara: She told me that she and Margo had a scuffle. Jesse Hottman: Yeah. Um ... my relationships do get jealous sometimes, especially when one has more money than the other and can monopolize my time. Is that why you're here, because of that little catfight? Sara: No. Um, Margo Dorton was ... bludgeoned to death with a bottle of champagne. Jesse Hottman: Margo was ... killed? Sara: Yeah. Jesse Hottman: And you think Cotton Candy killed Margo? Sara: What do you think? Jesse Hottman: Um ... I wouldn't know. Sara: Would you know if Margo took you home the other night? Jesse Hottman: I don't see my relationships outside of here. You know, if it does happen, it marks the end of the relationship. I mean, by having sx with me, a woman's reached her goal. There's nothing more I can give her. Sara: Did Margo's husband know about you? Jesse Hottman: She told me she was divorced. Sara: Well, Jesse ... I'm, uh, sorry for your loss. (Sara stands up and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB - DAY] (Wendy reports her findings to Keppler.) Wendy Simms: I ran the blood from the coffin through CODIS, and I got a hit, but it's not Ross Neddy. Keppler: So he's got a partner. (Wendy sits at the computer.) Wendy Simms: Well, DNA matches a Heidi Sultz, who did time for domestic assault and is currently out on parole. Keppler: That's funny. Ross Neddy did time for domestic assault, too. Maybe they're sparring partners. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SULTZ RESIDENCE - DAY] (Sofia and Keppler get out of the SUV.) Sofia: This is Heidi's last known. According to her PO, she's been trying to straighten out. She's detoxed, got a job. She's dumped Ross Neddy. Keppler: She may be taking the right steps, but she definitely hasn't cleaned up. (They head for the front door.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Heidi opens the door.) Mitchell: Las Vegas PD. Sofia: Heidi Sultz? Heidi Sultz: What's going on? Sofia: You're under arrest. Heidi Sultz: Why? Sofia: Where's Ross? Heidi Sultz: I haven't seen that dog in weeks. Mitchell: Anyone else living here with you? Heidi Sultz: Yeah, my baby and my new boyfriend, Charlie. Keppler: Where are they? Heidi Sultz: Out back, hanging out. Sofia: Put her in the car. (The officer takes her to the car.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Out back, the baby's in the playpen while Charlie is sleeping in the nearby chair. Sofia takes out her gun.) Sofia: Ross. Wake up, sugar. Ross Neddy: (absently) Hey, baby. (He opens his eyes and sees Sofia.) My name's Charlie, Charlie Keefer. Sofia: Get on the wall. (Charlie stands up.) Ross Neddy: I got ID. It's in my jeans. (The officer pulls the wallet out of Charlie's pocket. He tosses it to Keppler.) Keppler: Where'd you get this, the dollar store? Have a seat, Ross. (Ross Neddy sits down.) Keppler: This is your third strike, pal. Right now you're looking at a minimum of 25 years. You want to talk to us? We can make sure it doesn't get any worse. What do you say? (The baby fusses in the playpen.) Ross Neddy: Daddy will be right there, sweetheart. Sofia: It's ten more for falsifying an ID. Fifteen for grave robbing. Arson, that's another ten. Keppler: Desecrating a corpse, ten; another twenty for trafficking body parts. Ross Neddy: Body parts? No way. I thought those cuts were from, like, an autopsy. Sofia: So you admit to digging up Roger Lapinsky? Ross Neddy: I've been out two months and the best job I can get is five bucks an hour welding engine parts together. They wouldn't even let me flip burgers. Heidi just had the baby. It wasn't like it was gonna hurt anyone. (Quick flashback to: Ross and Heidi dig up a corpse and set it on fire.) Ross Neddy: (V.O.) We dug up someone my age, took him to work. Made him look like me. And then we torched it. (End of flashback.) Ross Neddy: All I was looking for was a fresh start. Best way to make it happen was to kill myself. Keppler: Should've stuck with the five bucks an hour. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins goes over the preliminary findings with Catherine.) Robbins: Whoever did this, must've been pretty angry. Catherine: Let me guess, multiple BFT? Robbins: You got it. Fractured skull, broken nose, cheek bones. Take a look. Defensive wounds consistent with a cylindrical object. Catherine: Warrick found a bloody champagne bottle at the scene. Robbins: That'll do the trick. But the death blow came in the neck area. Impacted her Adam's apple with so much force, ... (Quick CGI to: The champagne bottle hits the side of the neck. The shock hits the nerve, sending pulses to the brain, then down to the heart.) Robbins: (V.O.) ... it sent a flex arch to the vagus nerve, causing a stimulus to the heart. Bradycardia set in, causing the heart to slow and eventually to stop. (End of CGI flash.) (Hold on the body of Margo Dorton on the autopsy table.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass and Catherine interview Cotton Candy.) Brass: So where'd you go after the fight with Margo? Cotton Candy: Back to the pole. Brass: You're a real workaholic, huh? Cotton Candy: Look, man, the more I work, the more I can be with Jesse. Catherine: I know how hard it is to wiggle your ass all night. Now, why would you want to spend all your hard-earned money on a guy whose job it is to be with you and 24 other women? Cotton Candy: He doesn't care about them. Brass: Now you know this is not a real relationship. It's a business transaction. Catherine: He's doing the same kind of thing that you are doing on the pole for the guys. Cotton Candy: Those guys, they can't see past this, okay? I am more than a piece of meat to Jesse. Okay? He-he-he doesn't judge me. All right? He doesn't blow me off. He makes me smile, you know? He heals me, he heals me when I'm down. He makes me feel like I am Mrs. Steve Wynn. Brass: Hmm. Cotton Candy: Now we're going to get married, real soon. Brass: Can you show me some verifiable proof of where you were the night Margo was murdered? Cotton Candy: I was in VIP with this pit boss, Joe Brodsky -- works at the Olympia. But he's married and he'll probably deny it. But I can prove it to you if you give me my wallet right now. Brass: Sure. Okay, go ahead. (The officer puts her bag on the table. She digs inside and takes out several hundred dollar bills, holding it gingerly by the corner.) Cotton Candy: There it is. (She fans them out and puts them on the table in front of Brass and Catherine.) Cotton Candy: Right there. He paid me with those. Brand-new, straight from the bank. Catherine: And what would you like us to do with those? Cotton Candy: You're a CSI. You can take a print off of there, easy ... duh. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Keppler is looking at the miniature diorama. Sara walks by and enters the office.) Sara: Hi. What are you doing? Keppler: Just looking. Sara: What do you think? (He looks at the various dioramas in the plastic cases.) Keppler: Meticulous. Obsessive. Clearly knows his way around a modeling kit. Sara: Grissom didn't make those. Keppler: No? Hmm. Fits the profile. Bugs in bottles, the Darwin desk set. Sara: He's a bit of a collector of certain things. Keppler: Yeah, I knew a guy in Philly like that. Kept a case of thumbs in his closet. Sara: Friend of yours? Keppler: No, a serial killer. Sara: Do you miss it? Keppler: What? Sara: Philly. Keppler: No. (Keppler leaves the office.) (We hold a moment on the box on Grissom's desk and additional mail piled up on the box.) (Sara takes a moment and walks up to the tank. In the tank, she placed the cocoon and branch Grissom sent her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [CU: LETTER] (VARIOUS DISSOLVES: Grissom sits behind his desk and writes Sara a letter. Parts of it read: Sara, Our parting was awkward. I don't know why I find it so difficult to express my feelings for you ... even though we're far apart, I can see you as vividly as if you were here with me ... I said I'll miss you, and I do. Sonnet #47 Betwix my eye and heart -- (He finishes the letter and looks at it. He folds it and puts it in an envelope. He addresses the envelope: SARA SIDLE 1623 WEST (He stops and takes his glasses off. We hold on Grissom.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Nick walks out into the hallway and is surprised to see Greg. Greg is carrying a folder.) Nick: Hey, thought you had a deposition. Greg: Oh, it got postponed. So I did a little follow-up on tissue procurement companies in the area. Turns out there's only two in the state. One is out in Summerlin. It's called Longevity Tissue Services. Check this out. (He takes out a web page printout and points to the logo in the corner.) Nick: That's the same logo you found on the umbrella that was in Lapinsky's leg. Greg: Yeah. It's the Chinese character for "long life." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LONGEVITY TISSUE SERVICES - LOBBY - DAY] (Sofia talks with the owner, Ty Miloni, while Nick looks around the office.) Ty Miloni: So, what can Longevity do for the LV Police? Sofia: We need to know if your company received tissue or bone from a Roger Lapinsky. Ty Miloni: What's the problem? Sofia: There might not be one. Ty Miloni: All right. Well, I'd be happy to check. Will you excuse me, sweetie? (He goes to the computer and types in a search. The computer beeps.) Ty Miloni: Yep, there he is. Roger Lapinsky, 37 years old, died of cardiac arrest. It's tragic. Sofia: We're going to need a copy of his records, and we're going to need to confiscate his parts. Ty Miloni: And if you don't tell me what's going on, you're going to need a warrant. (He turns the computer monitor away from their view.) Nick: This is a criminal investigation. Those parts are evidence now. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LONGEVITY TISSUE SERVIES - STORAGE - DAY] (Nick takes a bagged bone out of the refrigeration unit.) Nick: You know, I was always under the impression that the body parts were to be removed at the hospital. Ty Miloni: Major organs have to be removed at the hospital and then transplanted into the new patients within four to six hours, but bone and tissue can be removed at any point and stored for up to five years. Sofia: Who gives you access to those parts? Ty Miloni: I always have signed consent from next of kin. Nick: And? (Nick takes the bones and tissue and puts them in a chest.) Ty Miloni: Most funeral homes have tissue recovery coordinators. They choose who the parts go to. If you have a good reputation, you have a better chance of getting the parts. I help the dead help the living. Sofia: According to your records, Roger Lipinsky's body parts came from the Silver Hills Mortuary. Ty Miloni: If that's what it says. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (Warrick is placing the crime scene photos on the table. Sara walks up to him.) Sara: Hey. Warrick: So you heard Cotton Candy's alibi checked out? Sara: Yeah. Warrick: And Brass talked to Mr. Dorton's limo driver. Confirms his story, he got home way past TOD. Sara: I don't get it, Warrick. The vic is in a good marriage, and she's spending thousands on a "fake" boyfriend that she's not even having sx with. Warrick: It doesn't make any sense. Like this void on the sofa for instance. It suggests the presence of a third person, but we don't have any evidence to back that up. Sara: Maybe it's not a person. Maybe it's a thing. Rectangular, roughly, what, 11 by 14 inches? Warrick: It was obviously important enough that the killer took it. Sara: What if he didn't take it? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. DORTON RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT] (Sara is back at the crime scene looking at the blood spatter on the couch. She looks around the area. She heads to the bookshelf and looks at the items on the shelf. She finds that the albums are out of sequence - 1986, 1988, 1987, 1989.) (She takes the 1987 album off the shelf and opens it. She flips through the pages and finds a couple covered with blood. Its labeled, CHRISTMAS 1987. Photos are of a young Margo carrying a baby.) (Sara looks at the blood void on the couch and visualizes the photo album open - one side on the side of the couch, the other side on the floor.) (Quick flashback to: Margo Dorton is on the floor between the coffee table and the couch. She's on the open photo album as the killer attacks her. End of flashback.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Sara shows the photo of Margo and the baby to Bill Dorton.) Sara: Whose baby is this? Bill Dorton: Margo's. Brass: I remember, Bill, you telling me that you didn't have kids. Bill Dorton: We don't ... or I don't. She gave him up right after we met. She was seventeen. And I didn't want any kids. Sara: Who'd Margo give the baby to? Bill Dorton: The biological father, but he was a drunk. Last we heard, the kid ran away. Sara: She was looking at these photos when she was killed. Bill Dorton: Yeah. She started taking them out ever since she hit menopause. Brass: Wasn't she a little young for menopause? Bill Dorton: They call it premature menopause and she was having a tough time with it. The mood swings, the "brain fog," the emotional detachment. Sara: The finality of not having any more children. Brass: Bill ... did you know that Margo was frequenting um ... a so-called host club, and paying money to a male escort? Bill Dorton: No. She was paying for s*x? Sidle: She was paying ... for companionship. (Bill closes his eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SILVER HILLS MORTUARY] (Salvatore Heinz, a certified tissue recovery coordinator, is working on the latest body. We hold on a TISSUE RECOVERY certificate hanging on the wall.) (Keppler and an officer walk in.) Keppler: I'm looking for Salvatore Heinz. Salvatore Heinz: You got him. Keppler: Mike Keppler, Las Vegas Crime Lab. Salvatore Heinz: Sorry if I don't shake. I, uh, hope you don't mind if I keep working here. I'm kind of on a deadline. That's mortuary humor. Keppler: I'm sure it never gets old. We're following up on a body that came through here. Roger Lapinsky. (Keppler shows Salvatore Heinz a photo.) Salvatore Heinz: You know, he does look familiar. I believe he's spending his eternal rest at Horizon Meadows Cemetery. Keppler: Not anymore. Someone dug him up. Salvatore Heinz: Aw, geez. You know, sometimes I wonder what the heck is going on with the world these days. Keppler: His major bones, veins and tendons were all stolen. Salvatore Heinz: Recovered! Not stolen. I'm a certified tissue recovery coordinator. Keppler: Oh, yeah? That where you learned how to stuff the bodies with umbrellas? Salvatore Heinz: That was a one-time thing. I ran out of PVC pipe, and, uh ... so I improvised. Keppler: Understandable. Salvatore Heinz: Look, it was a closed casket service, and uh ... I have a signed consent form. Keppler: Where? If you don't mind, I'd like to take a look at that. Salvatore Heinz: Sure. Anything for LVPD. (He goes to the filing cabinet and opens the drawer. Keppler follows him and notices the stack of umbrellas from Longevity Tissue Services.) Keppler: I take it you do a lot a work with, uh ... Longevity Tissue Services? Salvatore Heinz: Some. (He looks back and notices Keppler looking at the umbrellas.) Salvatore Heinz: Those are just promotional items. Keppler: Handy in a pinch, huh? (Keppler sees the death certificates on the desk. The filing cabinet drawer closes and Salvatore Heinz hands Keppler the file.) Salvatore Heinz: Lapinsky, Roger. It's all yours. I got copies. Keppler: Thanks. Salvatore Heinz: COD, cardiac arrest. Keppler: Everything seems to be in order here. Salvatore Heinz: Like I said. Keppler: Thanks for your time. (As Keppler heads for the door, his phone rings. He answers it.) Keppler: (to phone) Keppler. Robbins: (from phone) Robbins here. Want a COD on your Frankenstein? Keppler: (to phone) Beat you to it -- cardiac arrest. Robbins: (from phone) Not according to histology. Roger Lapinsky died of leukemia. (Keppler puts his phone on speaker mode and holds it out so Salvatore Heinz can hear.) Keppler: You want to repeat that, Doc? Robbins: (from phone) Sure. Roger Lapinksy died of leukemia. Keppler: Thanks. (He hangs up.) If you don't mind, I'll, uh ... stick around here till the warrant comes. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM] (Keppler shows Nick the two death certificates.) Keppler: I got a copy of Roger Lapinsky's death certificate from Carson City. This is the one we got from the mortician, that old nut job, see? Changed the COD. Nick: It turns out, Ty Miloni ... is a bit of a hustler as well. (Nick shows Keppler a copy of a LAS VEGAS GLOBE article.) Nick: Those umbrellas were a promotional gift for a vitamin telemarketing company he ran a few years back. Keppler: This guy isn't even a doctor. Nick: He did drop out of chiropractic school. Keppler: You're telling me that any Tom, Dick, or Harry with a sign can open up a tissue bank? Nick: Well, if you're FDA registered, yeah. Keppler: How do you get FDA registered? Nick: You just fill out a form. In the last three years, 37 of the bone and tissue donors were from Silver Hills Mortuary that went to this Longevity clinic. (Nick shows Keppler the database list with the items highlighted.) Nick: COD in 23 of those cases was cardiac arrest. And most of those decedents were in their thirties and forties. Keppler: That's a lot of young heart attacks. We're going to go through all these COD's and match them up against the official death certificates. Nick: And do more exhumations. Keppler: The only thing I'm wondering -- is the mortician hustling the tissue bank guy or they're working together. [CU: EVIDENCE/PROPERTY BAG LABEL] (It reads: AGENCY: CSI CASE NO. 1716 ITEM NO. OFFENSE. SUSPECT: LVPD 0702011716NS VICTIM DATE AND TIME OF RECOVERY: 2-1-07 RECOVERED BY: NS DESCRIPTION AND/OR LOCATION DESKTOP EVIDENCE S. HEINZ SEALED BY: NS DATE: 2-1-07 (Keppler puts the items down on the table. He looks at the two death certificates and then notices the desktop calendar. He takes the calendar out of the box and looks at the indentions on the paper.) (He scans the paper in the computer, then dusts the paper to bring out the indentions.) (Quick flash of: Salvatore Heinz writes over the signature, then flips to the death certificate to forge the signature. End of flashback.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1] (Keppler shows Salvatore Heinz a photocopy of the various signature indentions found on his desktop calendar.) Keppler: Dr. Stewart, Dr. Klein, Dr. Combs, Dr. Jones. Salvatore Heinz: That's not my handwriting. Keppler: Well that's the point of forgery, isn't it, Mr. Heinz? A man dies of leukemia, and his body comes into your mortuary, and you decide to ... sell his spare parts for a few extra bucks. Only problem is, nobody wants to buy diseased body parts, so you make a new death certificate, change the COD, sign off with a legit doctor's signature, and cash a check from Ty Miloni. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2] (Sofia interviews Ty Miloni.) Ty Miloni: I'm so disappointed with Mr. Heinz. He always seemed so honest. Sofia: Have you ever followed up on any of the patients who received parts from the Silver Hills Mortuary? Ty Miloni: No. That's the hospital's job. But as far as I know, none of the recipients have ever complained. Nick: Maybe that's 'cause they're not around anymore. We followed up on several patients who received Silver Hills bone and tissue from your clinic and now seven of them are dead. Three from hepatitis, three from cancer, and one AIDS-related. The same thing ironically killed the donors. Sofia: One of those victims was a 15-year-old healthy high school soccer player. You gave him a contaminated kneecap. Ty Miloni: Oh, my God. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 1] Salvatore Heinz: He came to me! Keppler: You harvested diseased body parts and sold them under false pretenses. Salvatore Heinz: He told me what to do. He ... he said it was safe! Keppler: But you didn't have to do it, did you, Mr. Heinz? You took money, and people died. Now, whether or not we got him -- we got you. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM 2] Ty Miloni: You've got nothing on me. I don't care what that .. little body snatcher tells you. Sofia: The families are going to sue you and your company into bankruptcy. Ty Miloni: They can try. That is what signed release forms are for. Nick: You're reopening a very nasty, old wound for them, now. Ty Miloni: Uh-uh. I didn't do anything. Sofia: Because of you ... they're going to have to rebury their mother, their father, their son, their daughter. (Ty scoffs.) Nick: Ty ... let me tell you something. I'm gonna come down to that clinic ... and I'm going to go through it piece by piece by piece. And if something doesn't jibe, I can assure you, sir, I will find it. Ty Miloni: Well, that is your job, isn't it? Nick: Yes, it is. Ty Miloni: And you'll have my full cooperation. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Sara reads a file and shares her findings with Warrick.) Sara: I did a little background on Jesse, the host. He was in and out of eleven different foster homes. Brass accessed his juvie records. He had multiple arrests for prostitution, and drug possession. Warrick: Kid had a hard life if he had to take it to the streets to make a buck. Sara: We still need his DNA, and if he did kill Margo, he's not just gonna give it up. Warrick: What about the vomit that we found in the toilet at the crime scene? Sara: What about it? Warrick: Well, the hosts drink a lot and throw up a lot. Busboy says he always finds blood in the toilets. If Jesse's a host, chances are he's throwing up blood, too. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Sara interviews Jesse Hottman. She shows him the DNA results.) Sara: Jesse, we found your DNA in Margo Dorton's toilet. I thought that you said that you didn't see your relationships outside of the club. Jesse Hottman: Unless, of course, the relationship is ending. Brass: Oh yeah, that's a cold word for it -- for murder. Jesse Hottman: I didn't kill her, all right? I ended the relationship and I bounced. Champagne got me sick. Brass: No, I don't think it was the champagne, Jesse. I think it was Margo. She was coming to see you for a couple of months, spending a lot of money, you were running your pro-game, you know, doing the host thing. Holding her hand, touching, consoling her. Laying on the old Jesse magic. But then she laid some pretty heavy information on you. (Quick flashback to: Margot talks with Jesse.) Margot Dorton: I want you to come home with me. Jesse Hottman: So you want to end the relationship? BACK TO SCENE. Brass: I guess you thought, you know ... here's Margo, this cougar ... wants to take me back to the love pit, end the relationship. Sexy time. But it didn't turn out that way, did it? (Quick flashback to: Margot and Jesse are sitting on her couch. Jesse tries to kiss her. She pulls away.) Margot Dorton: Jesse, I ... (He tries to kiss her again.) Jesse Hottman: Shh ... (She pushes him away.) Margot Dorton: Jesse, no. (She smiles at him.) Margot Dorton: Look, um ... I have something I need to show you. Okay? (She stands up and gets the photo album. She shows him photos of her with the baby.) Margot Dorton: This is you. I'm your mother, Jesse. I've waited my entire life to tell you this. I love you. I'm sorry. (He picks up the champagne bottle and beats her.) Margot Dorton: No! (She falls to the couch.) (CUT TO: Margot is dead on the floor, the photo album under her. Jesse looks around. He runs to the bathroom, puts the champagne bottle on the floor and throws up in the toilet.) (He picks up the bottle and wipes it.) BACK TO SCENE. Brass: You look a little pale, Jesse. Are you getting this? Jesse Hottman: She lied to me. Said she hired some private investigator to find me. Said she'd been building up the nerve to tell me the truth. Said she had a lot to make up for. And that, uh ... I could have her car. And that I didn't have to work anymore. Sara: You thought those were lies? Jesse Hottman: (nods) Yeah, lies to get closer to me. All my clients have their tactics. But hers was ... insane. Sara: She wasn't lying to you, Jesse. You have 13 alleles in common. You killed your mother. Jesse Hottman: (upset) Then take me to jail. You know, call me a killer ... a murderer, whatever, but don't tell me I have a mother ... because I don't. I never did. And I never will. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - EARLY EVENING] [INT. CSI - KEPPLER'S OFFICE] (Keppler sits behind his desk, looking at the funeral program for AMY McCARTY.) (He shakes himself and slips the program back into his folder. He gets up and leaves the office.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Keppler heads for autopsy. Nick walks out, his arms full of evidence bags from the Longevity Tissue Services.) Nick: Hey. Keppler: Need some help? Nick: Aren't you off shift? Keppler: Yeah. Are you? Nick: Yeah. Yeah, thanks. I'll be back in a minute. (Nick leaves.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- CONTINUOUS] (Keppler walks into Autopsy. There's a dark-haired woman on the table. When Keppler looks at her, he sees AMY McCARTY in her white nightgown.) (We hold on Keppler.) Voice: (o.s.) (whisper) Keppler? (Keppler turns around and looks behind him.)	Plan: A: body parts; Q: What do Nick and Keppler investigate the possible selling of on the Black Market? A: a welding shack; Q: Where did Nick and Keppler find the body of an ex-con? A: several body parts; Q: What was removed from the body of the ex-con? A: a millionaire's wife; Q: Who was beaten to death with a champagne bottle? A: her home; Q: Where was the millionaire's wife found dead? A: Suspicion; Q: What falls on the husband of a millionaire's wife? A: a business trip; Q: What did the husband of the millionaire's wife say he was returning from? Summary: Nick and Keppler investigate the possible selling of body parts on the Black Market after they find a charred body of an ex-con in a welding shack with several body parts removed. The rest of the team investigates the death of a millionaire's wife, beaten to death with a champagne bottle in her home. Suspicion falls on the husband, who claims he found her after returning home early from a business trip.
(Seattle Scenes) (Izzie and Alex, outside of the house) MVO: Pain comes in all forms. Izzie (cold and sarcastic): I had a good time. Really. Thank you. It was the perfect evening. Best date ever. Whatever. Alex: Izzie ... Izzie: You know, I especially liked the part where you treated me like crap the entire night. That was fun. Alex: I had a good time. Izzie (confused): Really? Alex: Yeah. (They move into kiss) MVO: The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain. The normal pains we live with every day. (Alex pulls away) Alex: I gotta go. (Izzie is left with a look that says unbelievable. Alex walks out the door) Izzie (yells): Seriously? Seriously!?!? (She slams the door shut) MVO: Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. (Izzie comes storming into George's bedroom. She flicks on the light switch) Izzie (loud): Seriously? (Izzie enters George's room waking him) MVO: A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else. Izzie: Move over. (He rolls over) George (sleepily): I'm sleeping! Izzie: Oh, shut it. George (rubbing his eyes and still groggy): Shut ... MVO: Makes the rest of the world fade away. (Derek and Meredith, outside the house) Meredith: I don't want to have this conversation again. Derek: Meredith... (Meredith opens the doors) Meredith: You didn't sign the divorce papers. Fine. I get it. End of discussion. (They both walk in) Derek: Meredith. Meredith (yells): What?!? (He just stands there) MVO: Until all we can think about is how much we hurt. Derek: Oh ... I usually just say "Meredith" and then you yell at me. I haven't thought past that point. (Meredith looks pissed) I actually didn't have anything planned. MVO: How we manage our pain is up to us. (She hits him with her purse) Derek: Hey. What is with that? Hey stop it. Ow. Meredith (yells): Seriously?!?! Seriously?!?! (Meredith goes into George's room) Meredith (loud): Seriously! (George rolls over) George: This is a very small bed. (George is lying on the bed between Meredith and Izzie) Meredith: He's a brain surgeon. Izzie: I look fantastic! I shaved my legs! Meredith: He's a brain surgeon. How can he be so brainless? (George sighs) Izzie Hello? Seriously! Meredith: Seriously! (He pats both of their shoulders) George: Shh. Sleep. (The power goes out) MVO: Pain. We anaesthetize...ride it out, embrace it, ignore it... (Cristina enters in the pouring rain, soaked) MVO: And for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it. (Dr. Bailey is in the locker room doorway) Bailey: You're dripping. Cristina: I'm back. I just wanna make that clear. I'm back. I'm ready to work. (Addison walks up) Addison: Has any one seen Dr. Shepherd, this morning? Bailey: His name is on the OR board. He should be here somewhere. (Addison walks off) Cristina: I'm good. I'm ready to scrub in. I'm 100% on top of my game. Bailey: You just got discharged. Pace your self. (Izzie looks at Alex) Cristina: I'm paced. I'm paced. Bailey: Mmm hmm. Rounds people. (They start walking out. Alex stops Izzie.) Alex: What? You're not talking to me anymore? Izzie: Ok, what happened last night? What is going on with you? Alex: I'm fine. What's your problem? Izzie (huffs): Fine. You know what Alex? No, I'm not talking to you anymore. (Izzie walks out.) (Patients room) Cristina: Dr. Bailey. Henry Lamott, age 42, is scheduled with Dr. Shepherd for a spinal implant... (Mr. Lamott turns up the volume, there are women laughing and giggling) Cristina: ...to control the pain of his herniated disc. Is allergic to all pain medication ... (Everyone stares at the screen) Cristina: Is that...? Mrs. Lamott: p0rn. Bailey: p0rn? (She looks up at the TV) Bailey: As in p0rn?!?! Alex: All right. What are we watching? Bailey: Karev! Go stand in the hall. (Alex goes outside) Bailey (distracted by the TV): Uh, Mr. & Mrs. Lamott, I'm sure you are really nice people, and what you do in the privacy of your own ... Look, we can't have p0rn in here. This is a hospital. Henry: It's for my pain. My doc says it releases endorphins in the brain and helps keep my pain at a manageable level. (Interns are amused) George: Really? Bailey: George! Hall! (George walks out strangely) Izzie (amused): What is this? Mrs. Lamott: Nasty, Naughty Nurses ... um (she looks at the TV) 4. (Meredith, Izzie and Cristina tilt their heads while looking at the screen) Cristina: That does not look comfortable. Meredith: Trust me. It's not. (Cristina and Izzie both stare at Meredith) Bailey: Get in the hall! (Near the nurse's station) Bailey: O'Malley, Karev, you're in the pit today. Stevens, there's a cardiac patient waiting up for you on 2. Yang, keep an eye on the Lamott's. I don't want any problems. Go. (They all scurry off, except for Meredith.) Bailey: Grey, your mother's being discharged this evening. You've made arrangements or do you need more time? Meredith: The nursing home is coming at 8. Bailey (starts walking off): All right then you're with Shepherd, Derek Shepherd, today. (Meredith moves to speak) Bailey (smiling): Hey, life is short. Times are hard. The road is long with many a winding turn. (She is serious now) He asked for you. Take it up with him. (E.R room. George enters with Alex. Policemen are standing outside) George: Ok. Doctor: Pete Willoughby, 25 year old, GSW to the chest. Immediate return of 860 CCs of blood from the chest. Pete: Oh Man! This hurts. Doctor: He's put out more than 200 CCs in the past hour. Pete (in pain): They never tell you in the movies how much it hurts to get shot. George: Push morphine, 2mg. Alex, is this my case. Alex: Morphine, 5mg. You didn't even call him. George: I don't have to call him. I was here first. Alex: You got here first because I let you. ... Where's his chest films? George: I got it. You always get the surgery. Today, I'm getting a surgery. Doctor: Guys. Knock it off. He's one of Seattle's finest. You've got an entire police force watching you... (Police are watching from a nearby window) George: Page Dr. Burke. Let him know I'm bringing up a GSW. Alex: No, that "we" are bringing up a GSW. (Ellis Grey's room) Richard: Looks like you'll be able to go home today, Ellis. Ellis: But I still have patients to see. Richard: No. No more patients. I'll be back to check on you later, ok? (He hands the chart to the nurse and they start walking out) Ellis: You should know I'm thinking of leaving Thatcher. (Richard stops) I should never have married him. I'll leave him. You leave Adele. (The nurse looks at Richard) And then when our residency is over we can both get jobs at the same hospital. Richard: Why don't you get her meds ready for her discharge, nurse? (Nurse nods and leaves) Thank you. (Richard sits by Ellis on her bed. He takes her hand.) Richard: Ellis, that was a long time ago, remember? We had this discussion 21 years ago. Ellis: Think about it Richard. We should make the break now. (Richard sighs) If we wait until residency is over, you'll be at one hospital, and I'll be at another. We could end up at opposite ends of the country. It'll be too late. (Derek and Meredith run into each other in the hall) Derek: Meredith. Meredith: Your wife is looking for you. Derek (sighs): Oh, my God, this is hard for me, Meredith. Meredith: Well, let me make it easy then. I'm not gonna be that woman. The one who breaks up a marriage or begs you to want me. You can sign the papers or you cannot. The choice is yours. Either way, when it comes to this relationship, I'm out. (Derek looks at her) Now, where's this patient I'm supposed to be helping you with. Derek (points behind him): Down there. (Meredith starts walking that way. Derek follows) (Izzie checking a patient's heart. The patient's husband is there as well) Mr. Bradley: You shouldn't have tried to walk the dog in the rain. Mrs. Bradley: Oh, Lou, it wasn't the rain. I just passed out. Izzie: Actually, Mrs. Bradley ... Mrs. Bradley: Verna. Izzie: Verna. You presented with lateral ST elevations and reciprocal inferior changes consistent with an MI. A heart attack. Lou: Oh, my God! Verna: Lou, don't worry. I've had these little chest pains before and it turned out to be nothing. This is nothing. (Lou kisses his wife on the cheek) Lou, not in front of the doctor. (Derek and Meredith in a woman's room.) Anna: I've had a twinge in my back for a little while. I thought it would go away, but then last night my legs went numb. And this morning my back ...the pain is just too much. Derek: Miss Chue, we're going to put you on a PCA pump, give you some morphine which should help control the pain. Anna: Thank you. Derek: Ok. But there's a greater problem here. I've just taken a look at your MRI... (Anna's parents enter) Mr. Chue: Anna! Why didn't you call us before coming down here? Anna: I'm sorry. (To Derek and Meredith) These are my parents. Derek: Hi. Mr. Chue: What's going on? Derek: I was just about to explain that Anna's MRI has shown that she has myxopapillary ependymoma. It's a tumor in her spinal canal. But the good news is that we can operate. You have a 95% chance of fully recovering if we get you into surgery as soon as possible. We can't wait another moment. With a tumor this aggressive even waiting another day puts you at risk of permanent paralysis. Anna (looks to her dad): Father? Mr. Chue (shakes his head): No. No surgery. Derek: Mr. Chue, without surgery Anna will be paralyzed, probably within the next 24 hours. Mr. Chue: There will be no surgery today. We're taking her home. Meredith: Anna needs the surgery. Mr. Chue: And she can have it at another time. Derek: Look Mr. Chue... Mr. Chue (interrupts): We are taking our daughter home. (Derek looks at him and then Anna) Derek: Anna, you are over 18. You don't need your father's consent. (Anna looks at her father) Anna: I am Hmong, and my father is the elder. He says I go home, I go home. (Derek stares hard at Anna's father) (Derek and Meredith walking up an empty stair way) Derek: Hmong? Let's find out what that means. Contact Social Services, see if we can get anyone down here, and talk to them. Meredith: Do I continue to process her discharge? Derek: Yeah we have to. It's insane, but we have to. It reminds of this case I had in New York one time and this woman came to the office and... (They stop at then end of a stairway.) Meredith (interrupts): Look, do you need me for anything else work related? (Derek checks to see if anyone is in the stairway) Derek: Look. I was married for 11 years. Addison is my family. That is 11 Thanksgivings, 11 birthdays and 11 Christmases. And in one day, I'm supposed to sign a piece of paper and end my family? A person doesn't do that. Not without a little hesitation. I'm entitled to a little uncertainty here! At least a moment to understand the magnitude to what it means to cut somebody out of my life. I'm entitled to a least one moment (some one enters the stair way. He speaks quieter) of painful doubt. And a little understanding from you would be nice. (He storms off. Meredith just looks annoyed) (Dr. Burke runs into Addison in the hall) Burke: Dr. Shepherd. Still here, I see. Addison: I couldn't leave you. Have you seen the other Dr. Shepherd? Burke: I'll tell him you're looking for him. (Burke keeps walking and Cristina walks up) Cristina: So, um, thanks for, you know, being there. Burke: No thanks needed. Cristina: Ok. Burke: So where are we? Cristina: Uh the north-east corner of a hospital. (Dr. Burke glares at her) Cristina: Oh, I'm, I'm getting back on my feet. Burke: Fine. Cristina: That doesn't mean that... Burke (interrupts): Cristina. Cristina: It's my first day back, I've, I've got... Burke (interrupts): I'm not waiting forever. (Burke enters the elevator as Bailey walks out) Burke: Karev & O'Malley are bringing up a GSW. Wanna scrub in? Bailey: No can do. No extra work. I'm trying to get out of here at a decent hour tonight. Burke: What, you got a date? Bailey: Yes. Yes I do. A handsome man is whisking me away to a love nest for the weekend. (Alex and George are wheeling Pete through the hall) Alex: You got shot in the line of duty? Pete (has difficulty speaking): First month on the job. Can you believe my luck? A guy pulls a gun and I freeze up. The rookie let himself get shot. I'm never gonna live this down. George: Sure, you will. Pete: You think? George: Absolutely. (Izzie runs up to Bailey) Izzie: Hey, I got Verna Bradley's tests back. I don't think she had a heart attack. Bailey: Yeah but look at the changes in her EKG. She had something. Izzie: Yeah but her serial enzymes and her dobutamine stress echo came back negative. I actually think she's fine. Bailey: Get a cardiac cath. Izzie, be thorough. (Dr. Bailey walks off) Izzie: I am thorough. (George, Alex and Pete riding in the elevator) Alex: So, dude, what's the deal with Izzie? George: She shaved her legs for you. Alex: And? George: And you didn't even kiss her goodnight. Pete: She shaved her legs for you and you didn't follow through? Alex: Hey, I follow through. I always follow through. George (half laughs): You didn't last night. Alex: Mind your own business. George: Mind... (George takes a breath) She had expectations. Women have expectations. And you didn't meet them. Hey, I live with these women and every time you guys don't meet their expectations, I have to hear about it. I didn't get any sleep last night. So you know it is my business. (The elevator goes black and stops) Alex: Dude, we're not moving. George (sarcastic): Really! You think? (Meredith, Cristina and Izzie are standing in the hall when the lights flicker. Cristina is in obvious pain) Meredith: You know how long the surgical scar takes to heal. You must be in pain. You should take something. Cristina: Drugs are for babies. Izzie: I hate Alex. Cristina (looks at Izzie): The non sequitur award goes to... Izzie: I'm sorry. I hate Alex. Meredith: I broke up with Derek. Cristina: Burke wants to have a relationship. Izzie: Boys are stupid. (Izzie & Meredith walk off) Cristina: Yep. (The elevator is still not moving. Alex is trying to pry it open) George: "If elevator should stop, do not become alarmed." "Press the button marked alarm to summon the assistance." (He pushes the button repeatedly) They don't want us to be alarmed then why call the button "alarm"? Alex: That didn't work the last 5 times you did it. Get it through your head we've lost power. We're stuck here. (Pete moans. George and Alex check him) George: You ok? (George checks the BP monitor. Alex takes his pulse) His pressure is falling. (He whispers to Alex) Alex, there's a lot more asbestosis in the pleura back. We need to get him to the OR. Pete: Ok, you're whispering. Don't whisper. I mean, I don't wanna complain here, but I got a bullet in my chest and whispering isn't a sign I'm gonna be A-OK, you know? (Alex tries the emergency elevator phone) Alex: Damn it. It's out. Pete: It's bad. It's bad, right? George: Someone is gonna get us out of here. Don't worry. (Mr. Lamott's room) Cristina: How we doing? Henry: Oh, can you move me to another room? The lights and the TV went out. Cristina: Ah. Power outage in the east wing. They'll have it back on soon. You're not a critical patient. You'll be fine here. Henry: Oh, god! What am I gonna do? Cristina: You mean... Henry: Without my p0rn! Cristina: Read a book. Talk to your wife. Henry: No. School closed early because of the storm. She had to pick up the kids. She won't be back until after dinner. Cristina: Well, I'm sure you can find some normal way of amusing yourself. (She starts walking out.) Henry: No, I need my p0rn! Cristina (dismissively): Yeah. (She leaves) (Addison and Richard walking through a dark hall) Addison: Lightning hit a sub station. We're running on back up generators. One of them is down. (Richard puts his hands on his hips annoyed) Richard, breathe. Richard (frustrated): The only direct means of transporting from the ER to the OR isn't working. Don't tell me to breathe. I'll breathe if I wanna breathe. (He walks off. Addison holds up her hands in defense and walks after him.) (Bailey and Burke watching some men pry open an elevator) Man: Cars caught between floors. (Richard & Addison walk up to them) Richard: How bad is it? Burke: Two interns and a GSW to the chest. (Richard closes his eyes and puts his hand to his forehead) Addison: Good air in, (breathes in) bad air out. (Richard gives her a look) Richard: Come on people get those doors open. (The doors partially open to reveal Alex and George inside with Pete) Guard: It's jammed. It won't open any more. Bailey: Move. Move. Guard: This is wide as wide as it goes. (Bailey looks) Bailey (accusingly): What...What did you two do? Alex & George: Nothing! (She gets up. Dr. Burke takes her place and peers in) Burke: How's the patient? George: He's not looking so good. (Anna's room) Anna: Why do the lights keep flickering? Meredith: Something about a backup generator. This pump will provide you with a morphine drip and should stop your pain. Anna: I, I told you, I don't need it. I'm going home. Meredith: You realize you'll have to sign an AMA form stating that you're leaving against medical advice. Anna (nods): Fine. Meredith: I know this is new and confusing. ... I called a social worker and she's willing to come down and talk to you... Anna (interrupts): Spare me your white-girl, cultural divide love. I grew up from the street down here. I play in a band. I went to U-Dub. I get it. My father doesn't. He says no, it's no. Meredith: We're talking about your ability to ever walk again. Anna: That's what you're talking about. I'm talking about my family. Have you ever even heard of the Hmong people? Our religion has got rules that are way old and way set in stone and way spiritual and you don't mess with them. (sighs) You don't anger the ancestors. (She makes a face) Even if you pierce your tongue and play in a band. Meredith: What are the rules exactly? (Bailey is walking down a dark hall with a nurse.) Bailey: All I.C.U. patients are going to the south wing. All telemetry and step-down patients north wing. (Derek comes up to them. Nurse nods and walks off) Derek: You paged me? Bailey: p0rn! As pain management? Derek (grinning): You met Henry. Yeah, there's a lot of different theories on how to treat pain. Bailey: p0rn! As pain management? Derek: Look. It's possible that pornography like art and music can stimulate the brain to produce endorphins that minimize pain. Bailey: p0rn! As pain management? Derek: I didn't prescribe it. It wasn't me. Take it up with the treating physician. Bailey: If that man turns out to be some sort of s*x weirdo it's on you. That's all I'm saying. ... Oh, and you're wife's looking for you. (She walks off) Derek: I know. (Meredith comes up to Derek. They start walking down the hall together) Meredith: Derek. Derek: Yes? Meredith: You need to talk to Anna's father. I'd do it myself but I guess having testicles is a requirement. Derek (sighs): What happened to social services? Meredith: According to Anna they can't help us. Apparently Anna's father believes she's missing something that she needs for surgery. Derek: Missing something? Missing what? Meredith: One of her souls. (He looks at her) We don't need a social worker. We need a shaman. Derek: A shaman. (Verna's room) Izzie: Cardio tells me that your cath went just fine. Verna: Is that much bruising normal? Izzie: Your one looks good Mrs. Bradley and so do the results on your cath. You don't have any blockage in your arteries. Lou: Which means? Izzie: You definitely did not have a heart attack. (Both Lou & Verna sigh in relief and joy) Verna: So I can go home? Izzie: Not yet. Your EKG shows significant changes. And I'm gonna find out why before you leave the hospital. (Stuck elevator) Alex: Hey what are you doing? Pete (delirious): I have to get home. Alex: Pete, you're in the hospital. Pete (delirious): Need to get home. (George and Alex restrain him) No. Need to get home. (Dr. Burke peers in through the small opening) Burke: What's his blood pressure? George: It's not reading. He's too agitated. Burke: How's his pulse? Alex: Thready but it's still there. Burke: Do you have any instruments? Alex: Uh, just a code box and some gloves. Burke (annoyed): You didn't bring an open chest tray? Alex: No we thought ... Burke (interrupts angry): You don't have time for excuses. O'Malley, blood pressure. George: I've taken it 3 times. Burke: And? George: I can't hear systolic over 50. (Pete is really pale and wheezing) George: He's gonna die. (George & Alex look at each other. Burke makes a decision) Burke: Intubate him. I'll be right back. George: Wait. Where are you going? Burke: To get an instrument tray. You guys are going to have to open up his chest. (George and Alex look at each other. Dr. Burke stands up. Dr. Bailey is there standing next to him) Bailey: Are you sure about that? Burke: No. (He runs off down the hall) (George and Alex are intubating Pete) George: When's Burke coming back? (whispers) Is Dr. Burke coming back? ... Alex? Alex: Oh, would you shut up. (Outside of SGH) Derek: Mr. Chue! You wanna take Anna home for a healing ritual? Mr. Chue: When sickness comes, it means one of her souls is missing. Anna needs every soul intact before she has surgery. She needs a shaman. Derek: Well, you could of, told me that. Mr. Chue: Why? So you coulc call me a fool. Derek: I respect that you have traditions that I can't understand. But you're standing beside me in a $3000 dollar suit, so I also know that you respect the fact that I'm telling you Anna needs a surgery in the next 24 hours if she's going to continue to walk. She can't leave this hospital. Mr. Chue: She can't undergo surgery without her soul. She'd die. Derek: All right then. We're just gonna have to get a shaman. Today, in the hospital. Mr. Chue (mildly amused): Shaman's aren't listed in the yellow pages. Our shaman is 500 miles from here. You are an arrogant man. Derek: No. I'm just a guy with access to a helicopter. (Mr. Chue smiles, takes out another cigar and hands it to Derek) Derek: Thank you. Mr. Chue: Finding her soul won't be easy. Derek: It never is. (He walks off) (Richard & Bailey are walking down a hallway) Richard: This is incogitable. There's not enough power to move those elevators? Bailey: They're doing what they can to replace the back up generator now. Fire department is standing by. Richard: All critical patients? Bailey: Moved to the south wing. Richard: Incoming trauma? Bailey: Re-routed to Mercy West. Richard (angry): Look that back-up generator should've been replaced last year. Bailey: Yes, sir. Richard (angry): Why didn't it happen? Bailey: Chief, you ... eh ... have to ... ask maintenance, I wouldn't...know Richard (interrupts): Dr. Bailey, you know everything. Tell me whose butt to kick. Bailey: That would be your butt Chief. You didn't authorize the replacement generator, saved the money for the new MRI machine. (Richard looks at her) Um I need to get on back down to the ... (She gestures to the elevator and walks off. Richard is left smiling sheepish) (Burke comes back to the elevator) Burke: Hey! This isn't gonna be too sterile but we can still try. Prep and drape the patient. (Hands them the things they will need)[/i]) (Nurse's station) Izzie (to nurse): Hey, can you get me copies of all of Verna Bradley's medical records and page me. I'll be on the OR floor. (Cristina looks at her. Izzie starts walking off upstairs quickly) Cristina: Hey ... wait ... where (Meredith is coming down the stairs hurrying) where are you 2 going so fast? Izzie: Burke is talking George & Alex through heart surgery in the elevator. (She heads up the stairs. Meredith is already half way down the hall) Meredith: Shepherd is setting up a shaman healing ritual. Izzie (from up on the next floor): Rock on! Cristina (to Herself annoyed): I have p0rn guy! [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr. Lamott's room) Mr. Lamott: Help please. ... Oh. Cristina: Mr. Lamott. What's wrong? (She picks up his chart and reads it. Mr. Lamott groans in pain) Cristina: Pressure's elevated. Pulse is racing (in shock) You're really in pain! Mr. Lamott: Whatcha think? Cristina (still stunned): Are you telling me the p0rn actually sedated you? Mr. Lamott: Oh, what did you think I'm some kinda pervert watching that stuff in front of you? Cristina: Well ... yes. (Mr. Lamott gives her a look) Cristina: Oh, okay, okay. (she grabs his chart) Uh ... you're allergic to most narcotics and NSAIDs. I, I suppose uh we could try droperidol and dihydroemetine. Mr. Lamott (in pain): No. That put me into a coma last year. Cristina: Well, ah um I can get anesthesiologist down here. (She shakes her head) Oh no but with your surgery tomorrow I don't think he'll give you an epidural block. Mr. Lamott (desperate): What am I gonna do? Cristina (scratching her head): Uh hold on. (Elevator) Alex: We're really going to do this. (George just looks at him. Dr. Burke peering through puts through his hand to hand over a pair of scissors and a scalpel to Alex) Burke: Take these. (Alex just looks at them and remains standing still) Burke: Karev, take the scalpel. (Alex just stands frozen with a scared look on his face. He looks at George) George: Alex. Come on. (He doesn't move) Alex! (Dr. Burke looks at Alex confused. There's a huge crowd now outside the elevator. Lots of interns and doctors. Izzie & Dr. Bailey are 2 of them. Alex just looks away from the scalpel and scissors. George annoyed moves.) George: Ventilate! (Dr. Burke is looking at Alex now concerned. George moves to take the scalpel and scissors) George: I got it. (George gives Alex an angry look. Alex is just looking down petrified) George (to Dr. Burke): What do I do? Burke: Make a large anterior, lateral, mid-auxiliary incision in the 5th intercostal space. George: How, how large? (Alex is now holding a light for George as well as ventilating) Burke: As long as possible. You need to get 2 hands in there. It needs to be long and deep. Use the scissors if you have to. (Alex makes eye contact with Dr. Burke. Dr. Burke looks at him but then turns his attention to George) George: Ok. (He is about to cut when Dr. Burke startles him) Burke: But, be sure you don't cut into the lobe of the heart. George: Uh, how can I be sure of that? Burke: You just have to be sure. (George looks a little panicked) George: We're not in Kansas anymore. (He starts cutting into Pete's chest) (Anna's room) Derek: Your shaman's late. Mr. Chue: My shaman is never late. (Derek and Meredith smile half heartedly at each other) (Crows outside the elevator) Izzie: You guys see anything? Poor George, doesn't have the steadiest hands. Bailey: Izzie. Izzie: Yeah? Bailey (speaks out each word distinctly): He can hear you. (Dr. Burke is watching the operation) Burke: O'Malley, how are you doing down there? (Fire department arrives) Bailey: Uh, fire department's here. They can get the doors open. Burke: No. Nobody moves. Nobody works on the elevator. I have an open chest and a very nervous intern in there. Keep them back until I give the word. (Dr. Bailey nods) Burke: O'Malley. George: I didn't cut the heart or the lungs. (Louder) Dr. Burke, I didn't cut the heart or the lungs! Burke: Good, good. Good. Good, O'Malley. Really good. Now check for injuries and do a pericardiotomy. George (concentrating on Pete): Uh I'll need some lap pads, forceps, Metzenbaums and Satinksy clamps. Burke (nods smiling, quietly impressed): Yes, you will. (Mr. Lamott's room) Cristina: You tell anyone I did this for you, not only will I kill you; I will sell your body parts for cash. (Mr. Lamott nods gratefully) Cristina: Okay. So ... there were these women. ... Nurses. 3 nurses. And they were ... naughty. ... Really, really, naughty. ... They were 3 naughty nurses. Uh saucy even. They were saucy and, and bad and naughty. 3 saucy, naughty, bad nurses. They were taking a shower ... together. (Mr. Lamott starts to become less in pain) Soaping each other up. And then this doctor walks in and he sees these 3 naughty bad nurses with these great big ... (Verna's room) Izzie: Mrs. Bradley, do you realize you've been admitted to the hospital on this date for the past 7 years? Lou: Oh, that can't be. I don't remember the date exactly but ... Izzie (interrupts): I have the medical records. On this date for the past 7 years you have what looks like a heart attack. Verna (smiling): No. No. I know I've had some scares but I, I don't... Lou (interrupts): Every year on this date? (Izzie nods) Izzie: Is there some significance to this date for you personally? Verna: No. Nothing. Izzie: What we're you doing the first year? The first time you had a cardiac episode? Verna: Oh, I couldn't remember back that far. Lou: We were in the yard. I remember because our neighbor ... what was his name? Verna (gets a look on her face): Ted. Lou: That's right. He died ... of an aneurysm I think. And we watched as the funeral home people took him away and you had your first attack. Izzie: And you were close to Ted? Verna: No. Oh. (Looks at her husband) We barley knew Ted. Lou: That was all very sad, but what does that have to with Verna's heart? (Izzie looks at Verna. Verna looks away) (Elevator) George: I've removed the small clot from the pericardium. No obvious cardiac injuries. Burke: Any change in the vitals? Alex: BP's still too low to register on the monitor. Burke: We need to cross clamp the aorta. (He grabs a clamp from a tray next to him and puts it through the opening. George moves to retrieve it) Burke: Stick your hand in and bluntly dissect down until you feel 2 tube-like structures. The esophagus will be more medial and anterior. (George sticks his hands in the open chest) George: Ah I feel one tube that is easily collapsible and the other is more muscular, spongy. I can ah feel the spine just underneath it. Burke: Yes, you're touching the aorta. George (to Alex): I'm touching the aorta. Burke: Wrap the index finger of your left hand around it and apply a Satinsky clamp with your right hand. (George puts in the clamp) George: Got it. ... Wait I...I think I can localize the bleeding. I think it's coming from the inferior vena cava. Burke: Can you find the lesion? George: Yeah. Yeah. I think I can feel ah (he fiddles around) ... it's too far in to repair. Burke: How big is it? George: Small, maybe. Maybe smaller than a dime. Burke: Ok, O'Malley. I want you to take your finger and plug the hole. (George puts his hand in) George: I think I can feel his heart... starting to fill more. It's beating a little stronger. Burke: Excellent. Keep your finger there. George: Ok, now what? Burke: That's it. George: That's it? (Dr. Burke turns over to lie on his back in relief) I just stand here with my finger plugging the hole? Burke: Until we can get you out of that elevator and into the OR. (George and Alex look at each other) Burke: Dr. Bailey, tell the fire department to get my guys out of there. Bailey: Will do. (To fire department) Ok, we're ready. Burke (rolls back over and peers in): O'Malley. George: Yes sir? Burke: You just flew solo. George: Thank you sir. (Seattle Scenes) (Anna's room) Meredith: Ok, Anna. We're going to shut off the PCA pump now which means you'll be in a lot of pain for the duration of the ... Anna (interrupts): the healing ritual. Meredith: Are you ok with that? Anna: Yeah. I can't find my soul if I'm medicated. No pain, no gain right? Meredith: Well, it's not just for your father. You believe it too, right? Anna: I know it sounds like a load of crap but ... watch the ritual. You'll see. Meredith: See what? Anna: The moment it happens. (Meredith nods) (The shaman comes to the doorway with Anna's family.) Anna: I'm ready. (Mr. Lamott's room) Cristina: "Oh, yes I'm so very, very naughty," Bianca said as she dropped her stethoscope. (Dr. Bailey is walking by the room and pokes her head in. Cristina doesn't see) Cristina: Me too said Crystal as she snapped on her surgical glove. (Dr. Bailey looks aghast) Cristina: And then there was Marta... (She stops when she sees Dr. Bailey looking at her demandingly. Cristina shrugs and gestures look at him, he's sedated. Dr. Bailey looks annoyed but walks off) Cristina: Where was I? Henry: Marta. Cristina: Oh yes Marta was the naughtiest nurse of all because she knew how ... (She stops when the lights and television come back on) CRISTINA: Oh, thank god. (Anna's room where the healing ritual is taking place) Derek: How long do you think it takes to retrieve a lost soul? Meredith: I don't know. (Elevator, Izzie is looking in) Izzie (smiling): Way to go George! George: I have my finger in a heart. Izzie: Very cool. (She stops smiling when she makes eye contact with Alex who looks upset) (Ellis's room) (Verna's room) Izzie: You have stress cardiomyopathy. Verna: Cardiomyopathy? What does... can you tell me what that is? Izzie: It's Ted. Verna: Ted? Izzie: Ted. Not just the neighbor you barely knew, was he? Verna (trying to not get emotional): I don't know what you're talking about. Izzie: Cause every year on the day he died, you get a rush of adrenaline caused by stress. Your pressure rises. You have chest pains. And you end up here. Verna: 27 years. I loved the man next door, and he loved me. I know how this is gonna sound but Ted was my soul mate. And then he just died! Izzie (quietly): Its grief. Your heart stops because you're grieving for Ted. Verna (teary): So ... what do I do next? ... I mean how do you treat it? Izzie: I wish I knew. (George talking with the police being congratulated. Alex just walks away) (Derek and Meredith watching the healing ritual) (Richard enters Ellis's room) Ellis: I told Thatch I'm leaving him. Richard: You left Thatcher, Ellis. But I couldn't bring myself to leave Adele. Do you remember? Ellis: Painted horses. Richard: Yes. We were on the carousel in the park. It was raining. Ellis: I have an offer from Boston General. Richard: You took it to get away. We swore to never to talk again about what we had together. It was gonna always be our secret. Ellis: Richard. Richard: Yes, Ellis? Ellis: Carousels give me the creeps. (Mr. Lamott's room) Cristina: How do you put up with it? ... I mean 'Nasty Naughty Nurses 4' and I'm assuming 1, 2 & 3. Mrs. Lamott: He's my Henry. Cristina: I know, but don't you find him misogynistic and degrading and kind of ... (she sighs) 24 hours a day of p0rn. Seriously that's your life? Mrs. Lamott: I'm grateful for it. It takes away his pain. You see the thing is ... Henry ... Henry takes away my pain. (Cristina looks likes she understands) (Healing ritual, Anna and Meredith nod at each other) (Derek and Meredith in Anna's surgery. Derek looks up to the gallery to see Addison watching, smiling. Meredith notices.) (Scrub room after the surgery) Meredith: I lied. I'm not out ... of this relationship. I'm in. I'm so in, it's humiliating because here I am begging... Derek (interrupts quietly): Meredith. Meredith: Shut up. You say Meredith and I yell, remember? Derek: Yeah. (Derek leans against the sink listening) Meredith: Ok, here it is. Your choice. It's simple. (She starts getting teary and emotional) Her or me. And I'm sure she's really great. But, Derek... I love you... in a really, really big ... "pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window"...unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. (Derek looks at her lovingly. He moves in to touch her. Meredith pulls away) Meredith: I'll be at Joe's tonight. So if you do decide to sign the papers, meet me there. (Meredith walks out. Derek looks distressed and sighs) (Seattle Scenes) (SGH) (Ellis's room) Richard: Goodbye, Ellis. (Ellis doesn't look at him. Meredith walks up to Ellis) Meredith: I am gonna come see you tomorrow, okay? (She moves to step back but Ellis grabs her arm) Ellis: He doesn't love her. He can't. But he'll stay with her anyway. She's his wife. Meredith: Mom? (Ellis looks like she recognizes Meredith as she is today). Mommy. Ellis: Meredith. (Meredith crouches down. Ellis places cups Meredith's cheek with her hand). You grew up. Meredith: I did. Ellis: Hmm. It's a shame. It's awful being a grown-up. But the carousel never stops turning. You can't get off. Meredith: Ok. (She stands up and a person wheels Ellis out. She and Richard just stand there) (Joe's bar, Meredith is doing tequila shots) Meredith: You think he'll show? Joe: He'll show. (The door opens. Meredith turns to the door hopefully but it's George walking in) George: Hey! (Derek in the waiting room of SGH, Bailey walks by all dressed up) Bailey: How's your patient? The one who got her soul back? Derek: She's gonna be fine. (A man knocks on the window from outside the hospital. Dr. Bailey sees, smiles and waves) Bailey: Gotta go. Derek: Look at you. You're like a girl. (she gives Derek a look) Is that your date? Bailey: That's my husband. Derek: You're married? Bailey: 10 years today. Derek (shocked and smiling): How come I didn't know you were married? Bailey: You never asked. (He half nods) You haven't signed those divorce papers yet, have you? (He shakes his head no. She shakes her head as well) Derek: Bailey. Tell me what to do. (They both chuckle) Derek: God, why does this have to be so hard? Bailey: It's not hard. It's painful but it's not hard. You know what to do already. If you didn't you wouldn't be in this much pain. (She walks outside and meets her husband. They hug and kiss. Derek watches) MVO: Pain. You just have to ride it out. Hope it goes away on its own. Hope the wound that caused it heals. (Cristina enters the on-call room) Cristina: So here's where we are. I work too much. I'm competitive. I'm always right. And I snore. (Dr. Burke looks confused) Burke: What? Cristina: I'm trying here. (Dr. Burke still looks slightly confused) Burke: Ohhhhh. Oh. ... (Realization dawns) Oh! Oh. Cristina: Yeah. (She smiles) Burke: So? Cristina: Okay. We're a couple. Whatever. Don't make a big deal about it. (She walks to the door. But then walks back quickly, jumps and kisses Burke. She walks back and out of the room) (Derek is still sitting in the hospital) MVO: There are no solutions. No easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. (Meredith is still waiting) Meredith (sighs): He's not coming. (Izzie looks sad for her) You don't think he's coming. Izzie: He might come. Cristina: Yeah. You never know. George (to Meredith): He's definitely coming. (Izzie kicks George) George (to Izzie & Cristina): Ow. What? Do you want her doing tequila shots all night? I'll be the one cleaning up the vomit. (they look at him. He looks at Cristina) Besides, I touched a heart today. Porny. (The bell on the door goes off again. They turn to look. It's just a couple entering the bar) MVO: Most of the time pain can be managed. Meredith (to Joe): Pour me another one. MVO: But sometimes, the pain gets to you when you least expect it. Joe: I'm telling you. Any second. (Derek is still sitting in the hospital) MVO: Hit's way below the belt and doesn't let up. (Addison walks up to him) Addison: I have been looking ... everywhere for you. Derek: Well ... you found me. Addison: So? You gonna sign those divorce papers or not? (Derek just looks at her) (Meredith is at the bar, taking tequila shot after tequila shot) MVO: Pain. You just have to fight through because the truth is you can't out run it. And life always make more. (Meredith sits at the bar, very sad)	Plan: A: Meredith; Q: Who does Derek ask to start a new life with? A: a young Hmong woman's traditionalist; Q: Whose father forbids her to have a life-saving operation? A: religious father; Q: What type of father forbids a young Hmong woman from having a life-saving operation? A: her; Q: What does Meredith ask Derek to choose? A: her souls; Q: What does the young Hmong woman's father want a shaman to retrieve? A: George; Q: Who steps up to help Alex? A: Alex; Q: Who freezes when Burke hands him the scalpel? A: critical condition; Q: What condition is the patient in when George and Alex are trapped in an elevator? A: Burke; Q: Who tells George and Alex they must perform surgery in the elevator? A: the scalpel; Q: What does Burke give Alex through the elevator door? A: the patient; Q: Who is in critical condition after a gunshot wound to the heart? A: a stable condition; Q: What condition did George get the patient to? A: the rescue team; Q: Who gets George and Alex out of the elevator? A: a heart attack; Q: What does Izzie treat an old lady who has the same thing every year? A: the same day every year; Q: When does the old lady have a heart attack? A: Cristina; Q: Who treats a man who watches porn to handle his pain? A: his pain; Q: What does Cristina's patient have to watch porn to handle? A: his marriage; Q: What does Derek struggle with trying to repair? A: Addison; Q: Who does Derek want to try to repair his marriage with? A: the hospital; Q: Where is Ellis discharged from? Summary: Meredith and Derek have to use more than medicine when a young Hmong woman's traditionalist, religious father forbids her to have a life-saving operation unless a shaman is called upon to "retrieve her souls". George and Alex are trapped in an elevator with a patient in critical condition after a gunshot wound to the heart. Burke tells them they must perform the surgery in the elevator because there isn't enough time to try to get to the OR. Burke hands Alex the scalpel through the elevator door, but Alex freezes. George steps up and successfully gets the patient to a stable condition and the rescue team gets them out. Izzie treats an old lady who seemingly has a heart attack on the same day every year, whilst Cristina treats a man who has to watch porn to handle his pain, and has to come up with a different way to manage it when the power cuts. Derek struggles with his decision to either try to repair his marriage with Addison or divorce her and start a new life with Meredith. After trying to play it cool, Meredith breaks down and asks Derek to choose her. Ellis is discharged from the hospital.
Dwight: Michael, since it is your fifteenth anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a fifteen-minute round of applause. Michael: I like it. Dwight: Followed by a fifteen minute moment of silence. Jim: [wearing a tuxedo] I don't know. Is it classy enough? Dwight: Jim! Enough with the classy, ok? Jim: I just feel like after fifteen years at this company, bravo by the way, that we should celebrate with a very classy event, a night to remember. Michael: I think you're right. This party has to have all the excitement, drama and intrigue of my time here. Jim: And of course, classy. Michael: And classy, yeah. Dwight: Michael, you're just agreeing with him because he's wearing a tux. Don't you see what he's doing here? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Last week, Dwight sent out a memo about the dress code. So, this is me showing him that I'm taking it very seriously. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Oh, here's one[/b]: a string quartet, playing classy-cal music. [Jim grimaces] Michael: [watches Jim grimace, copies him] You know, that's good but it's not classy. I-I need something classy like the opening of a car dealership. Jim: That's it. Or Mr. Peanut. Michael: Yes. Dwight: Mr. Peanut is not classy. Michael: He is. Dwight: He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle and a top hat. Michael: That's what makes him classy. Dwight: Ok, how about this? An ice sculpture, shaped like you, covered in chocolate-covered strawberries. Jim: Oh, Dwight, you're trying too hard, and that's just not classy. You see, the thing about classy is it's a state of mind. Dwight: Well, I'm sorry, I just don't know what classy is then. Jim: Ok, well let's just try this one on for size. And I apologize because it's right off the top of my head[/b]: an ice sculpture. Of you. Completely surrounded by a variety of chocolate-covered fruits. Michael: Strawberries? Jim: That's inspired. Dwight: I said that! [storms out, slams door behind him] Pam: Not classy. Michael: Not classy at all. Jim: De classé. Michael: French. Classy. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hi, can I help you? Charles: Yeah, I'm Charles Miner, here to see Michael Scott. Pam: Sure. Just one second. Please have a seat. Michael: [on speakerphone] Yes? Pam: Michael, there's a Charles Miner here to see you. Michael: Miner? I hardly know her!... Hello? Pam: Yeah, are you coming out now? Michael: Uh-huh. [comes out of office] Well, well, well, who have we here? Ah, it is Prince Charles Miner. [shakes Charles' hand] At your service. Everybody, this is Sir Charles Miner and he is the new VP for the Northeast region. So, just give it up for this big guy, right? Give it up. [leads round of applause] Here he is. Charles: I-I was- Michael: Wow! Hold that thought. I want everybody to go into the break room. I have a little surprise for you. Go ahead. You too. Dwight, would you escort our guest in there? C'mon, here we go, don't be shy, don't be shy, you're one of us . [whispers] Dwight, stall him a little, I have to get the fish. Jim: Hey. Michael: Yes. Jim: Really wish you would have told me the new boss was coming today. Michael: What? No, I didn't want to make everybody nervous. Jim: Nope. I mean, I could have brought a change of clothes, or- Michael: You look dynamite. What are you talking about? Very slick. Ok, get the fish. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Originally founded in 1866, Scranton quickly became one of Pennsylvania's largest anthracite coal-mining communities. Michael: Surprise, there is nothing in here. The real surprise is in the conference room. Let's go! [swings arm above head for everyone to come, hits doorframe] Oh! God! Ok, come on, come on! Dwight: We'll finish it up later, but essentially what we're talking about is... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Surprise! [unveils bagels sitting on table] As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's, for Charles. Charles: Thank you. Michael: Took me all night. Pam: This is what you did last night? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I met this guy at corporate last week and we were just digging each other's vibe. I was totally grooving on him and vice-versa. And besides, the last two people to have his job were Jan and Ryan. The former was my lover, and the latter my best friend. So, who knows? I do. [in British cockney accent] It's gonna be mental! It's going to be mental. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: My god, he's like a black George Clooney. Angela: Really? I don't see it. I mean, he's ok, he's not unattractive, it's. . . [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, how you doing? Jim Halpert, sales. Just wanted to say, if you need anything, let me know. Charles: Why are you wearing a tuxedo? Jim: I didn't think you'd notice. [laughs nervously] Uh, it's funny actually, there's another salesman out here, Dwight Schrute, and he sent out this memo, as he always does, and, uh, it was about professionalism in the workplace. Of course, he singled me out. So I just had to mess with him. Charles: Uh. Jim: Oh, you'd understand if you read the memo which I should probably get you, there's probably one in a drawer... uh. It was pretty crazy. But, uh, not more crazy than wearing a tux, at work, I grant you that... so, uh. Charles: Your name is Jim? Jim: Jim Halpert, yep. So, um, just going to let you get back to it... [being pulled away by Pam] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: He just had to wear his tux today. Jim: I thought it'd be funny. Pam: Took him 40 minutes to get ready. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: All right, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting, front and center. Come on up here. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting department. Charles: Hey, I come from accounting, too. Michael: Oh, nerd alert! Kevin: Ni- Michael: This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino. And he just got out of a long-term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart. But he didn't bring any of that into work, it did not affect his job performance whatsoever and I am very proud of him for that. Charles: Hey, Oscar, it's good to meet you. Michael: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. One over there, in the orange [points to Andy] Andy: Hey-o! Michael: There you go! Where's the other? Charles: You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history. Michael: Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history. Kevin: Hey! Charles: How about I just say hi to everyone at one time? Michael: Good. Good, good, good. Everyone, please give it up for Charles Miner. [claps] Charles: Thank you, Michael. Thank you for the C-shaped bagels. Michael: Oh! Well... Charles: That's great. Michael: Above and beyond. Charles: Hey, you know we're in tough times and we're not immune to this economy. Michael: That's true. Charles: But the goal is to, you know, fight our way through this. Stanley: [clears throat, raises his hand] Stanley Hudson. Are there gonna be layoffs? Michael: No. Absolutely not. Charles: Uh, hold on, Michael, thank you. Uh, Stanley, you know, we can't make any promises, but we'll try everything in our power to avoid that. Oscar: Do you have specifics? Charles: Sp-Well, um, Michael should have filled you in last week. Michael: Well, due to the economy, there is a lot of worry going around. I didn't want to worry people. Charles: You didn't tell them. Michael: Well, why don't- Charles: Yeah, I will. What I told Michael last week- Michael: Charles is going to tell you. Charles: Is that we are cutting three percent across the board, which means we will no longer be matching 401k contributions. All overtime requests will need to come through the corporate office. Stanley: Fantastic. Michael: Well, it's not official. Charles: It is official. It is official. And actually, guys, I'm encouraging branches to consider a freeze on discretionary spending. Michael: Such as salary, benefits, etc, etc. Insurance. Charles: No, no, not salaries. Petty cash, supplies, and uh, you know, parties. Michael: Well- Dwight: What about your party? Michael: Ok, ok, you know what? I think this has been great. I think this gives us a lot to think about, doesn't it? Charles Miner, ladies and gentlemen. [starts round of applause] He has a long trip home. Thank you for coming in. We have to get back to work. Charles: Michael, I'm going to stay for the day. Michael: Oh no, no, no. You don't have to do that. I've got this covered. This was just a meet-and-greet. Charles: No, it's a little bit more than that. I'm going to set up in here, ok? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am thrilled that the new boss has taken such an active interest in all of the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have. Thrilled. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on speakerphone] David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed. David: What gave you that idea? Michael: It was my understanding. David: I see. Michael: Listen, why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability. David: Look, Michael, Charles is very qualified. Get to know him. I really think the two of you are going to make a great team. Michael: But the branch is still mine? David: You're still the branch manager, yes, and if you need anything else at all, just let Charles know. Dwight: Ask him about the party. Michael: Oh, right. David, are you coming to my fifteenth anniversary party? David: I'll give it my best shot, Michael. Dwight: No the other thing. Michael: Oh, ok. If we hire Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with year-end tax stuff? [several seconds of silence] Dwight: He hung up? David: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better. And I agree, so what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before. Charles: No. Michael: Come on. What's your wife's name? Where did you work before you came here? Charles: Saticoy Steel. Michael: Beautiful. See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names. Charles: No, I worked at a company called Saticoy Steel. Michael: You're not from paper? Charles: No. Michael: Does David know this? Charles: Yeah, he knows. He just wants a good manager. Michael: Well that, actually, is an excellent segue into really what is my only point- Charles: And what is that? Michael: And that- I-I don't need to be managed, Charles. And if you want pick up some tips, observing here, and take them to the other branches, it's all good. But Jan would mostly come by when she was super horny, and Ryan would come by to visit his parents and do laundry, so... Are we clear? Charles: That's not how I plan on doing things. Michael: Ok, alright, well I'll just bounce that off David, see what comes back. Charles: I'll tell David what he needs to know. Sorry. David wants it this way. Michael: Whatever David wants. Charles: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] Michael Scott calling for David. Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible. Thanks. Dwight: Oh, Michael, come on, no. You have to charm 'em. [calls back on speakerphone] Stephanie: David Wallace's office. Dwight: Hey there, gorgeous. How you doing today? Stephanie: Good. Thank you. Dwight: How's it hanging? Stephanie: Alright. . . Dwight: Good. Listen, my name is, uh, Michael... Scotch. And, uh, I just wanted to say that, uh, I've got David Wallace's son in the trunk of my car. If he doesn't get on this phone in 5 seconds- Michael: No! You idiot! [hangs up] Idiot, idiot, idiot! What are you doing? God! Oh my god. [redials] Stephanie: David Wallace's office. Michael: Hi Stephanie, it's Michael Scott again. I just spoke with Michael Scotch and the son's going to be returned, everything's fine. Stephanie: Michael... Michael: And I really really need to talk to David. Stephanie: Please hold. Charles: [on cell phone] Charles Miner. Hello? Hello, who is this? Who is this? Michael: I was never given a name. [hangs up, he and Dwight sigh in relief] [SCENE_BREAK] [Jim yawns at desk, looks up to see Charles watching him from conference room, looks up again to see Charles peering through blinds, Dwight smiles] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [to delivery men] Uh, hi, can I help you? I don't think anyone here- Charles: Oh, uh, Pam? Hey everyone, lunch is on me today. Angela: That is so unnecessary! Michael: Are you kidding me with this? On the day that I bring in breakfast? Charles: It's no big deal. Michael: I wish you had told us sooner, because I was going to go to the vending machine and get an egg salad. Charles: You still have that option. [Michael sighs] Angela: Thanks again, Charles. Kelly: Thank you. Michael: Nobody thanked me. Jim: Thanks, Charles. Michael: For breakfast. Except Charles. You say no more parties, and then you spend all of this money on lunch, I think it's a little hypercritical. Charles: I do this for every branch I go to. If you do not like it, then I think there are some bagels left over from this morning. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] Damn it, Stephanie, put me through to him. Is that him in the background? David? David! David, pick up the phone! [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Should I seduce him? Angela: No. No one wants to see that. [both smile at David] [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Michael? Michael: Yep. Kevin: I just realized that I used the 2008 calendar to do the spreadsheets for January and February. I may need to come in this weekend to fix it. Michael: Do some overtime? You want to do some overtime this weekend? You know what, Kevin, I applaud your initiative. Yes. You may. Charles: Uh, no, sorry, Michael. No, Kevin, right? We're going to need you to do that during office hours. Kevin: Ok. Charles: Ok. Michael: Kevin? This is my branch. You don't ask Charles. You ask me. I say, approved. Charles: That's not the way it's gonna work. Michael: Yes it is! Charles: No, it is not. Michael: No, it is not. Charles: Ok, so we're on the same page, great. Michael: Ok, so we're on the same page, great. Charles: Ok, Michael, what are you doing? Michael: Ok, Michael, what are you doing? Charles: No, seriously. Michael: No, seriously. Charles: How old are you? Michael: How old are you? Pam: Oh no. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do, the more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad. [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: Five years old? Michael: Five years old? Andy: Duuudes, stop. Employees: [as Michael continues imitating Charles] Not a good idea, Michael. Michael, stop. Stop doing that. Stop it. You're going to get all of us in trouble. Charles: I will walk away. Michael: I'm gonna walk away. Andy: Stop doing that! Michael: I'm kidding around, wow! Relax, everybody, it's just a joke. It's fine. Boy, so touchy. PPC, let's continue our morning meeting in the conference room. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: And then, out of that cake, pops another stripper holding a smaller cake. And then an even smaller stripper pops out of that one. Michael: What is that smaller stripper holding? Pam: Cupcake. It's cupcakes and strippers all the way down. Michael: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: What exactly is the PPC? Phyllis: Oh, that's the Party Planning Committee. They spend hours planning parties. [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: Excuse me, guys. What's going on in here? Michael: Party Planning Committee. Not your concern, Charles. Charles: This doesn't seem like a good way to spend company time. Michael: Really? Well then how would we come up with great ideas like Jim's? Go ahead. Jim: No, I would like to get back to work, actually, please. Charles: Whatcha got, Jim?... What is a two-way petting zoo? Jim: You pet the animals and they pet you back. Michael: It's a great idea. And we have a cake in the shape of a bale of hay. Pam: It's really just a regular shaped cake. Michael: But it's cool, and it's- Charles: This isn't a good use of company time, Michael. Michael: Whoa. You're talking about my anniversary party, so. . . Charles: Everyone, except for Michael, go back to your desks. Michael: Yeah, why don't you do that? Charles: [Dwight, Jim and Pam leave] Thank you very much. Michael: Yeah, here we go. Ok. Charles: Ok, Michael, I'm dissolving this committee. Michael: What? Charles: Yeah, I mean, come on. This is a work place. It isn't designed for your vanity. Michael: Newsflash[/b]: I've been here for fifteen years. Headline[/b]: You have been here one day. End of story. You have no right to cancel my fifteenth anniversary party. End of story. End of story. End of story! Charles: I don't know if I have hurt your feelings or you do not disagree with my methods, but it is over. Michael: Ok, no, no, no, no. No. You know what? I'm going to New York. And I am going to talk to David Wallace. [gets jacket] I'm going to tell him everything. And I'm sorry to say, you're screwed. And, you know what? You are gonna be through. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to do that to you. Do you even know how paper is made? It's not like steel. You don't put it into a furnace. If you put paper into a furnace, you know what would happen? You'd ruin it. [pushes chair as he leaves] [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: [Jim knocks on door] Come in. Jim: Hey. Charles: Hey. Jim: Alright, Charles, I've gotta be honest. I think we really got off on the wrong foot here. And, truth be told, I'm a pretty smart guy, and, uh, a hard-worker. And a great number two for the office. Charles: Number two? Jim: Second-in-command to Michael. Charles: Oh, I didn't know that position existed. Jim: Oh, that's because at first it was a made up position for Dwight, just to make him feel better, assistant to the regional manager. But then he lost that, and Michael gave it to me. Charles: So you're the assistant to the regional manager? Jim: Assistant regional manager, yeah. Charles: Any responsibilities come with it? Jim: No, not exactly. Charles: So you keep this made up position? It's important to you? Jim: Alright, I will, um, I'm just gonna let you get back to that. Charles: Yeah, would you, uh? Jim: Yep. [shuts door behind him] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello, Stephanie. Ok, where is he? [looks into empty office] [SCENE_BREAK] David: [coming out from bathroom] Michael. Michael: [points to bathroom door] So is this the meeting you've been in all day? David: How did you get here, Michael? Michael: I drove. David: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Cancelled my fifteenth anniversary party. Just pulled the rug out from under me. And he said no figs. I've already bought em. And I don't have a place to store them. So, I feel like I've been sort of boned. David: Michael. Listen- Michael: Do you talk to him about this? You've talked to him all day, obviously. Did you talk to him about this? David: Well, I didn't know about the figs, specifically. . . Michael: Ok. Then I don't get it. It doesn't make any sense to me. Because I thought in the new system I was supposed to talk to Charles, and then Charles was supposed to talk to you, and that would dilute any need for me to ever talk to you again. David: That's not exactly- Michael: Clearly that's what you wanted. David: No. Michael: Fifteen years I have been here. And I have sacrificed a lot. David: Yes. Michael: I've put having a family on hold. David: We didn't ask you to do that. Michael: And I've never gone hang-gliding. And I've never driven my car to the top of Mount Washington. [SCENE_BREAK] Charles: Ok. Nice meeting everyone. I'll see you in a couple of weeks. Andy: Cool. Dwight: Excellent. Angela: It was very nice meeting you, Charles Miner. Jim: See ya. See ya. [Charles leaves] Bye! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: And for my next trick, I will make my career disappear. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: I could see our kids facing obstacles being half-Black and half-Indian, but it's so worth it, you guys. Phyllis: It's just me here. Kelly: I am going to get him to buy me a prime rib tonight. Phyllis: I think he left. Kelly: What?! Move! [pushes cameraman out of the way] [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [Kelly runs to parking lot in the rain] Hello, Charles? Charles! Kelly: Hey! Is that his scarf? Angela: No! [Kelly chases Angela through parking lot] [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: [out of breath and wet] Charles and Kelly? Absolutely not. He is a sophisticated man. He does not need to go dumpster-diving for companionship, ok? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I don't understand that after fifteen years of service here, I have to get in the car and drive to New York in order to talk to you. That doesn't seem right to me. That doesn't seem fair. And I think that I've earned more than that. David: Yeah. You're right. Yes. I get it. I get it, Michael. Here's what I'm going to do- Michael: Ok. David: We will move some money around, and I will personally see to it that you have your party, you have your figs. I will be in attendance. It's gonna be great. How's that? Michael: [gets up to shake David's hand] I quit. David: What? Michael: You have no idea how high I can fly.	Plan: A: Michael; Q: Who quits Dunder Mifflin after confronting David Wallace about his party? A: the new, no-nonsense Regional Vice President Charles Miner; Q: Who does Michael clash with? A: guest star Idris Elba; Q: Who plays Charles Miner? A: the party planning committee; Q: What does Charles Miner dissolve? A: Michael's 15th anniversary party; Q: What does Charles Miner cancel? A: Jim; Q: Who gets off on the wrong foot with Charles Miner? A: a prank; Q: What does Jim get caught in? A: crushes; Q: What do Kelly and Angela develop for Charles? Summary: Michael clashes with the new, no-nonsense Regional Vice President Charles Miner (guest star Idris Elba ), who goes so far as to dissolve the party planning committee and cancel Michael's 15th anniversary party. Jim gets off on the wrong foot with Charles as well when caught in a prank. Meanwhile, both Kelly and Angela develop crushes on Charles. After confronting David Wallace about his party, Michael quits Dunder Mifflin.
ACT ONE Scene One - Convention Center Frasier and Roz walk into a Science-Fiction Expo. Roz: Frasier, I knew when you bought me lunch there was going to be a catch! How long is this gonna take? Frasier: Well, it shouldn't take too long, Roz. I can't believe I'm actually scouring a science-fiction convention for "X-Men" comics. I feel like I'm contributing to the decline of my son's intellect. Roz: Then why are you doing it? Frasier: Well, because I said no to the eyebrow ring. He sees a man dressed as a Klingon. Frasier: Oh excuse me, good sir, um, could you direct me please to Cubby's World of Comics? Klingon: Yeah, it's right over there. Frasier: Oh, thank you, thank you very much. You are a fierce but helpful people. He turns to head for the comics booth but stops when he sees a British man in his sixties signing autographs at a table. [N.B. This is Sir Derek Jacobi's first appearance in an American television production.] Frasier: Good lord, that's Jackson Hedley. Roz: Who? Frasier: Jackson Hedley, the famous Shakespearean actor. He came to my school when I was a teen. He did a one-man show of soliloquies, and began my love affair with the Bard! Excuse me Roz, I think I'll just go pay my respects to Mr. Hedley. Frasier makes his way over to Jackson's table, and stands in line behind a portly long-haired man (Dwayne). Frasier: Excuse me, um, what's Jackson Hedley doing here? Dwayne: Signing autographs, and being awesome! They've got the whole cast of "Space Patrol" coming this weekend! Frasier: You mean Jackson Hedley was on a television show? Dwayne: What, are you kidding? He's Tobor, the ship's android! Where've you been, man? Frasier: I don't know. Reading, attending the theater, [under his breath] getting haircuts. [N.B. Derek Jacobi is not the only great Shakespearean actor playing against type in this episode; Ray Porter, who plays Dwayne, is a long- time member of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival Company in Ashland, Oregon. I saw him on the stage as Moliere, and as Tullus Aufidius in "Coriolanus." He's got an awesome presence! So, we have two facets of the same inside joke ;-) - Mike Lee] At the other side of the room, Noel Shempsky and a friend, both wearing old-style "Star Trek" uniforms, see Roz. Noel: Hi, Roz! Roz: [horrified] Hi, Noel. Noel: So you're a closet Trekker! I always had a feeling we were more than mere coworkers. This explains the heat between us. Roz: I feel heat all right - because I'm in hell! Jackson Hedley signs Dwayne's t-shirt. Jackson: There you are, Dwayne. Dwayne: Thanks, Tobor. Frasier comes up. Frasier: Hello, Mr. Hedley. Uh, may I say, it's an honor to see you again. Jackson: Thank you. So what would you like to be autographed today? Frasier: Actually, I already have your autograph. I got it after seeing your performance of "Hamlet." Jackson: Oh, my... that was a long time ago. Frasier: But not forgotten. May I say, on behalf of my brother and myself, thank you for opening our young eyes to the wonders of Shakespeare. Jackson: You are more than welcome. Frasier: Tell me, do you get to do much theater anymore? Jackson: Oh no, I'm afraid those days are over. The show became so popular. I can't get cast as anything but an android, a cyborg, or, when I get the chance to really spread my wings, a mutant. Frasier: Ah well, what a shame. For you, and the theater. Jackson: Oh, you are very kind. Well, my fans await. It was lovely meeting you, Mr....? Frasier: Frasier Crane. Thank you, Mr. Hedley. He goes back to where Roz is waiting. Frasier: It just breaks my heart to see that man reduced to this. It's so demeaning. Roz: Well, so he's not doing Shakespeare. But look, he's got tons of fans that worship him! What's so demeaning about that? At Jackson's table: Fan: Hey, Tobor, would you do my kid's birthday party? Jackson: [sighs and gives him a card] Here's my card. Uh, travel time is extra, and I eat by myself. Frasier and Roz exchange a shudder. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Apartment Frasier is sitting on the couch. Niles comes in carrying a suitcase, followed by Martin and Eddie. Niles: Hey, look who I found at the airport! Frasier: Oh-ho, welcome home, Dad! So, how was Florida? Martin: Oh, it was a whirlwind! Duke and I hit the dog track, and then we met the "Michael Jordan of High-Life Players" at the Red Lobster, but the place I went back to most of all was Cap'n Pete's Gator Farm. Frasier: Ah, did you go see the Hemingway home? Martin: Well, you know Fras, you can't squeeze everything in. But I tell you, these gators are amazing! You're out in the Glades in this fanboat, and it's just you and Cap'n Pete and that cooler full of raw chickens! Niles: And to think I wasted my last vacation in Vienna. Martin: And then he dangles a chicken at the end of the stick, and before you know it a fifteen-foot monster comes rushing out of the water, and he's yelling, "Hurry up and take the picture, this sumbitch is heavy!" [laughs] Frasier: That's delightful, Dad. Martin: Where's Daphne? Niles: Uh, my honeybunny has the flu. Martin: Oh, that's too bad. [aside to Frasier] Probably got it standing in front of an open refrigerator. Frasier: [laughs] Nice to have you back, Dad. Martin goes to his room. Niles brings Frasier a glass of sherry. Niles: Frasier. Frasier: Oh, thank you, Niles. Niles: You will never guess what I found. Frasier: Hmm? Niles takes out a slip of paper. Niles: This is the autograph Jackson Hedley gave me in junior high school. Frasier: Ah, Niles. [reading] "Dear Coach Palet, please excuse Niles from gym, for obvious reasons." Niles: The other side. Frasier: Ah, yes. "To Niles, my kingdom for more fans like you. Jackson Hedley." That's lovely. Niles: 'Course, I'm still envious that you got to see him. Frasier: Oh, you wouldn't be if you'd been at that convention, Niles. To see the man who defined Hamlet reduced to hawking t-shirts and sci-fi gee-gaws. Niles: It's a terrible waste of talent. Frasier: Tragic. No artist should have to endure that. Niles: If only people could see him the way we did. Frasier has a sudden inspiration. Frasier: Niles, how difficult would it be to mount Jackson's one-man show? It's relatively simple. Niles: That's true: there's minimal scenery, no supporting ca-... wait a minute, are you suggesting- Frasier: Well, why not? There's certainly no shortage of theaters in this town. Niles: We could do it on a Monday night when they're all dark anyway. Frasier: We could revive the man's career, just think what a gift it would be to return this man to the stage, where he belongs! Niles: It would be like repaying him for giving us the gift of Shakespeare! Frasier: Yes, and if the evening goes very well, then who knows? We could be in for a long run, we might even take it on the road! Niles: Why not a television special, we'd reach a much larger audience! Frasier: It could become a cottage industry! T-shirts, posters, personal appearances! Niles: Thank God we've come along to save this man! They clink glasses. [SCENE_BREAK] TROTTING THE BARDS Scene Three - Theater Frasier and Niles walk onto the empty stage. Frasier: Gosh Niles, I can't wait to show Jackson his new venue. Gosh, what an honor it is to be reuniting such a great talent with the stage. Is he here yet? Niles: No, he's cutting the opening ribbon at Galaxy Mattresses. Frasier: Well, once this show opens he'll be able to throw away his oversize novelty shears. Niles: Yes, yes. Oh, I just came from the box office. Ticket sales are going at quite a brisk pace. Frasier: Oh, I'm not surprised. I've got half the station coming. Niles: Well, I've got a whole group coming from the wine club. Frasier: Yes, you know, Niles, we've really done a good job of getting the word out. That's why we get to be producers. Jackson comes in. Jackson: Hello, lads! Niles: Oh, Mr. Hedley. Please, join us on the stage. Frasier: Or shall we say, on your stage. Jackson: [does so, breathless] Oh, it's been such a - such a long time since I've trod the boards. Do you really think people are going to pay money to see me? After all these years? Niles: The way things are going, we expect a sell-out! Frasier: One week from today, you'll be looking out on a packed house! Jackson: Really? Do you know, the one thing that I-I don't miss about performing live, it's-it's the jitters. [breathing heavy] It's the [dry heaves] dry heaves. Maybe this wasn't the best idea! He starts to go. They grab him and pull him back. Niles: No, sir! Frasier: Please, please. The theater is your true destiny. It courses through your veins, it fills your lungs. This... is your stage. Welcome home. Jackson: And you said you'd never produced before. Jackson takes center stage. Frasier stands to stage left and extends a hand to the empty seats. Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you to a hall in Elsinore Castle. Niles: [extending his own hand] Denmark! Frasier slaps his hand down. Jackson begins with a loud groan, delivering a monologue from "Hamlet" so over-the-top as to make Vivien Leigh seem shy. Jackson: Ohhhhhh, I die, Horatio! [gasp] The potent poison quite o'er-crows my spirit! [gasp] I cannot live to hear the news from England, But I do prophesy the election lights On Fortinbras; [gasp, lies down] he has my dying voice. the rest is... [exaggerated whisper] silence! [gasp] - [Hamlet, Act V, Scene 2] "Hamlet" dies. Frasier and Niles have just watched their dream castle crumble to the ground with numb horror. Jackson: [getting up] You know, you boys were right! It's as if I never left! Niles is openly gaping; Frasier wears that little nervous smile he reserves for squirming. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene Four - Apartment Frasier is seated at the coffee table. Martin comes out with some snapshots. Martin: Hey Fras, I just got my alligator pictures back. Frasier: Oh! Martin: Take a look. Frasier: Mm-hmm. [does] Yes. Martin: That's Cap'n Pete. Frasier: Right. Martin: That's the gator boat. Frasier: Uh-huh. Martin: That's a chicken. Frasier: Yeah. Martin: Oh, and that's him: the one I call Snappy. Frasier: [last photo] What's that? Martin: Oh, that's Duke's bypass scar. I had to use up the roll. Doorbell. Frasier: Well, we'll have to look at these later, Dad. That'll be Niles, he's here to discuss our show. Martin: You want a show? Well, take a tip from me, Mr. Producer: one alligator, one chicken, one satisfied audience. Martin goes to the kitchen. Frasier opens the door to Niles. Frasier: Oh hello, Niles, come on in. Niles: Frasier, I got your message, it sounded urgent. Frasier: Yes, yes, it's about Jackson. Niles: Oh please, don't tell me he's getting any worse. Yesterday I saw the stagehands passing out earplugs. Frasier: It's not his fault! He's only rusty! After years on that ridiculous space opera, he's picked up some bad habits! Well, I was fortunate enough to find a videotape of his one-man show. Once he sees this, it will remind him of what good acting is; you know, shake loose the artist from the android! Niles: That, sir, is why you are the first "Crane" in "Crane & Crane Productions!" Frasier: Yes, thank you. All right, listen, Jackson's on his way over here. Let's take a quick peek at this. Niles: Good idea. Frasier puts the tape in the VCR and turns on the TV. Frasier: Oh, his Lear. Oh gosh, that brings back memories. Here, let me turn up the volume. [does] Jackson: [on TV] Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks! Rage, blow! You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout till you have drrrrrrrrrrrrench'd our steeples, drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrown'd the cocks! -[King Lear, Act III, Scene 2] Frasier mutes it again. Niles: He's awful. Frasier: The man has no instincts. Just stinks. Niles: I guess we were just too young to know it. Frasier, this is going to be humiliating - not just for us, but for Jackson. What are we gonna do? Frasier: [thinks, then gets up] What all good producers do: we'll shut down and blame the director! Doorbell. Frasier: That'll be Jackson now. All we have to do is get Jackson to bow out gracefully, and we'll refund all the tickets. He opens the door to Jackson. Jackson: Hello, lads! Frasier: Please come in, Mr. Hedley. Martin comes out of the kitchen. Jackson: Ah, you must be the Crane pater! It is a pleasure to encounter the headwaters whence bridge these twin rivers upon which I have launched my humble craft. Martin: Likewise. [goes to his room] I'm telling you: one gator, one chicken. Frasier: Please, Mr. Hedley, won't you sit down? Niles: Yeah. Jackson: [does] Oh, I see my producers have long faces. I think I know why. Frasier: You do? Jackson: Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Frasier: It is to us. Jackson: Well, your worries are at an end: I fired the director! The man's a clod! I mean, not even the stagehands follow his directions! He shouts at them and they pretend not to hear. Frasier: Mr. Hedley, it's not the director. We have a problem. Jackson: What sort of problem? Frasier: Let me be frank, because an artist of your caliber deserves honesty... an acting performance is a journey of discovery. This brief rehearsal time that we've given you is-is far too short to reach Parnassus, home of the Muses. Niles: Forgive us for being so blunt. Jackson: Ah, I see! We're getting to the real problem: I've got untested producers, and they've got the jitters. Ah, but not to worry, it's perfectly natural! Do you know I've never worked with producers who haven't wanted to pull the plug before the opening night? But I won't let you quit! This show is going on! In the words of our great author, "stiffen the sinews! Summon up the blood! Disguise fair nature with hard-favored [nearly falsetto] rage! They lend the eye a terrible aspect!" He caps this off with an exaggerated lowering of his brow that succeeds only in squinting his eyes. He leaves. Niles: I think he's getting better, don't you? [SCENE_BREAK] CURTAINS Scene Five - Theater Frasier and Niles, wearing tuxedoes, are peering from the stage wing out into the audience, which is packed. Stage Manager: [o.s.] Fifteen minutes to curtain! Frasier: Look out there. Everybody we know is out there. Look at all those smiling faces, soon to be frozen into a rictus of revenge! Niles: The place is packed! Frasier: It's standing room only! [gets an idea] You know, Niles... I think we may have exceeded maximum occupancy. Niles: That could be... a fire hazard. Frasier: It would be a shame if someone should... call the fire marshal and he should shut us down. Niles: Yes, it would. A damn shame if the old phone in the marshal's office should start to ching-ching-ching... Frasier: Just call! Niles runs off to make the call. The stage manager walks by. Manager: Ten minutes to curtain! Frasier: No, I'm-I'm sorry, I-I believe that your watch happens to be a tad fast. Manager: It's electromagnetically set to Greenwich Mean Time. Frasier: Get me a Sprite! Niles comes back. Niles: Well, the marshal will be here as quickly as he can. There's a five-alarmer in the paper district. Frasier: Just our luck! Niles: What are we going to do now? Roz comes backstage with an elderly Englishman on her arm. Roz: Hey, guys! Frasier: Oh, Roz! Roz: This is Jackson Hedley's father, I found him wandering around out front looking for Jackson. Frasier: Lovely to see you. Cecil: Thank God I'm not late! You know, I'm Jackson's lucky charm. Do you know, he's so superstitious - one day I didn't turn up for opening night, and he refused to go on. For Frasier and Niles, Cecil has indeed become a lucky charm. Niles: Is that so? Frasier: Then we must get you to him immediately! You see, you're at the wrong theater! Cecil: Oh! Frasier: Yes, yes, Jackson's performing clear across town! Cecil: But the sign outside says "An Evening With Jackson Hedley!" Frasier: I know, you see, there's been a terrible snafu- Niles: Snafu! Frasier: -with the marquee letters. You see, they got ours, we got theirs. Cecil: Oh, what's playing here? Niles: "Cats." Cecil: Ah, I love "Cats." Frasier: Who doesn't, but surely you love your son more! As Frasier grabs Roz, Cecil gets a ruminative look, as if wondering. Frasier: This young lady knows this town inside and out! Roz, please escort Mr. Hedley to the Portland Playhouse A.S.A.P.! Roz: But- Frasier: There's no time for buts, please do it now! Roz: Right, let's go, Mr. Hedley. Cecil: Oh please, call me Cecil. Roz: All right, Cecil. Cecil: Do you know, I have a predilection for brunettes. As they leave, Roz throws a look at Frasier pregnant with menace. Niles: Well, should we go break the bad news to our star? Frasier: Yes! They go into Jackson's dressing room. Jackson is dressed as Hamlet and singing an aria. Frasier: Mr. Hedley, I'm afraid we have some bad news. Niles: It's about your father, it seems his plane is going to be late. Jackson: What, you mean my father won't make it for the show?! Frasier: We know this must be devastating to you- Jackson: On the contrary! For once my performance won't be inhibited by that judgmental nitpicker! Tonight I can really cut loose! Those seats in the very back row will be rattling! Frasier: That is good news. The stage manager sticks his head in. Manager: Five minutes to curtain. [leaves] Jackson: And now if you'll excuse me, it's time to center. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply. Frasier and Niles go back out into the hall. Niles: Any more ideas? The stage manager comes backstage with the fire marshal. Manager: These are the producers. The, uh, fire marshal's here. Marshal: Do you guys have any idea how many people you got out there? You're way over capacity. Frasier: You're not gonna shut us down, are you? Niles: Frasier, I knew we shouldn't have added all those dry wooden seats. Marshal: Well, maybe next time you'll know better. Jackson comes out and opens a prop trunk. Jackson: Has anyone seen my other skull? Frasier: Mr. Hedley, I'm afraid we have some bad news- Marshal: Hey, you're Tobor! Jackson: Oh, correct. Marshal: I used to watch your show all the time! I even have that old Playboy when Space Princess Alexa did that spread. Jackson: Oh, the one on the lava rocks? Yes, I've got that one too. Marshal: I didn't know he was the one performing tonight. I'll let you guys stay open, on one condition: I get to watch the show. Frasier: [last try] We're out of seats! Marshal: It's OK, I'll sit in the aisle. Manager: Three minutes to curtain! Jackson: [finds his skull] Ah, here's the right one! He goes back to his dressing room. The Marshal goes out into the rows. Niles: Well, we may as well just take our lumps. Frasier: No, no! We're not going to take any lumps! Desperate times call for desperate measures! He grabs a ladder and places it under the smoke alarm. Niles: What are you doing? Frasier: Shield yourself, Niles, "for the rain, it raineth everyday!" Niles finds an Oriental rain hat and puts it on. Frasier climbs up, ignites a cigarette lighter and holds it under the alarm. The sprinkler over him goes off, trickling a pathetically fine mist over him. None of the other sprinklers go off. Frasier: This place really is a deathtrap! Niles: This is hopeless. Cecil comes back. Cecil: I managed to shake that woman, I want to see "Cats!" Jackson comes out. Cecil: Son! Jackson: [feigning] Father! My good luck charm! He takes a step toward Cecil and slips, landing hard on the floor. Frasier: Oh my God! Oh Mr. Hedley, are you all right? Jackson: I think I've broken something! Niles: Oh my God, [to the stage manager] call an ambulance! Make sure Mr. Hedley is comfortable! Frasier draws Niles aside. Frasier: Dear God, Niles, I feel horrible. It's as if we wished it, and it happened. Niles: Half of me feels guilty, the other half feels relieved. Actually, it's about 30-70. Frasier: Well, I guess I'd better go out and make an announcement. They grin at each other and flash thumbs-up. Frasier goes out onto the main stage. Frasier: If I may have your attention, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight my brother Niles Crane and I had hoped to bring a great talent back to the stage. A truly, truly gifted actor, a man we greatly admire... Unseen by Frasier, Jackson crawls onstage, dragging himself with his hands. The audience starts to applaud. Frasier: [claps his hands] Yes, yes, he does deserve your applause, but in a tragedy befitting of the Bard himself, it seems that... He trails off as Jackson pulls himself across the stage and into the chair set up there for his soliloquy. Frasier: ...it seems he's ready to begin. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you now to a hall... in Elsinore Castle. He drifts offstage. Jackson: Ohhhhhhhhh, I die, Horatio! [gasp] [SCENE_BREAK] Niles, Frasier, and the Stage Manager are standing in the wings, watching Jackson's performance. Frasier says something to Niles, who doesn't respond. Frasier says it again. Still no response. Frasier taps Niles on the shoulder, and Niles takes out his earplugs. Frasier asks where he got them, and Niles points to the stage manager. Frasier turns to the stage manager, and tries to say something to him, before he realizes he is also wearing earplugs. The stage manager has no more, so Frasier just walks backstage, covering his ears with his hands.	Plan: A: his son; Q: Who is Frasier attending the science fiction convention for? A: (Sir Derek Jacobi; Q: Who played Jackson Hedley? A: an actor; Q: What is Jackson Hedley's profession? A: the delights; Q: What did Shakespeare introduce Frasier to? A: William Shakespeare; Q: What famous play did Jackson Hedley introduce Frasier to? A: the stage; Q: What has Hedley given up? A: Tobor; Q: What is the name of the android that Jackson Hedley plays in a TV show? A: Space Patrol; Q: What is the name of the TV show that Jackson Hedley is a part of? A: Hedley's career; Q: What do Frasier and Niles decide to revive? A: a one-man show; Q: What do Frasier and Niles decide to produce for Hedley? A: the proposition; Q: What is Hedley delighted by? A: boys; Q: When were Frasier and Niles? Summary: While attending a science fiction convention for the benefit of his son, Frasier spies Jackson Hedley (Sir Derek Jacobi ), an actor whom he remembers from childhood; it was Hedley who first introduced him to the delights of William Shakespeare . Hedley has long since given up the stage and now plays an android called Tobor in a TV show named Space Patrol. Frasier and Niles decide to revive Hedley's career by producing a one-man show for him. Hedley is delighted by the proposition. However, when they see him in action, they realise that he is a dreadful actor, but they had been too young and naive to perceive this when they were boys.
WARRIORS OF THE DEEP BY: JOHNNY BYRNE Part Two First Air Date: 6 January 1984 Running time: 24:04 [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC: After them! [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Right, that should slow them down a bit. TEGAN: We should have tried to help him. TURLOUGH: We couldn't! Come on, let's get back to the TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC: Go round and get this door open. GUARD: Sir. BULIC: Commander, this is Bulic. I'm in the reactor. [SCENE_BREAK] SCIBUS: The warriors have survived. [SCENE_BREAK] NILSON: Nilson. VORSHAK (OOV.): The three invaders have attacked the reactor in area E. I need you on the bridge at once. NILSON: I'm on my way, Commander. SOLOW: Nilson, who are the invaders? NILSON: I don't know, but with Vorshak distracted, it may be possible to activate Maddox sooner than we expected. [SCENE_BREAK] SCIBUS: There will be a short period of orientation. ICHTAR: Excellent. When all is ready, I will instruct Sauvix and his Sea Devil warriors on the plan of attack. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Run! TURLOUGH: Go, Tegan! Save yourself! DOCTOR: You'll live. [SCENE_BREAK] SAUVIX: Sauvix, Commander of Elite Group One. ICHTAR: Ichtar, sole survivor of the Silurian Triad, and my companions Scibus and Tarpok. We welcome the revival of our blood-related comrades. SAUVIX: We are yours to command. ICHTAR: All is prepared. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What have you been eating? [SCENE_BREAK] NILSON: Have you found the intruders? VORSHAK: One of them. He's being brought up now. I'd like you to be present at the interrogation. NILSON: How did they breach our security? VORSHAK: That's what I want you to find out. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Doctor, I thought you were dead. DOCTOR: Yeah, so did I for a moment. Where's Turlough? TEGAN: The guards caught him. We've got to help him. DOCTOR: Yes, all right. First I must get you back to the TARDIS. TEGAN: I want to help find Turlough. DOCTOR: Yes, all right. TEGAN: What have you been eating? DOCTOR: Come along, Tegan. [SCENE_BREAK] ICHTAR: How soon will your warriors be ready for combat? SAUVIX: Battle orientation automatically commenced the instant we were revived. ICHTAR: Excellent, Sauvix. TARPOK: Your plan of attack. ICHTAR: Study it well, for the ape primitive base must be taken intact. [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: Bridge. GUARD (OOV.): The reactor's been stabilised, sir. We now have full power again. VORSHAK: Thank you. GUARD: Sir. BULIC: This is Commander Vorshak, the senior officer on this base. TURLOUGH: I've told VORSHAK: Now listen, and listen carefully. You have a choice. Cooperate, tell us all you know, and you'll be treated honourably. TURLOUGH: I am VORSHAK: But should you remain stubborn, it'll be a long and painful business, so start talking. TURLOUGH: I've told him, and now I'm trying to tell you. We are not enemy agents, saboteurs NILSON: Then why were you attempting to destroy the reactor? TURLOUGH: If the Doctor had intended to destroy it, it would be lying in pieces at your feet. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Good. Now, you must stay outside, Tegan. TEGAN: Why? DOCTOR: Shush. TEGAN: What in the world can I hope to achieve out here? DOCTOR: My peace of mind. Please, Tegan, don't argue. Now, I don't need to tell you what to do should anything go wrong. TEGAN: No, Doctor. Good luck, Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: The TARDIS, it, it's a kind of ship. I know it doesn't seem to make much sense, but that's how we got here. NILSON: He's insulting our intelligence, trying to convince us he's nothing more than a lost tourist. BULIC: If you'd nothing to hide, why didn't you declare yourselves to us immediately. TURLOUGH: We were trying to. VORSHAK: What do you think? NILSON: He may be telling the truth, though I doubt it. But we can't be sure without delving deeper into his mind. VORSHAK: Then see to it, Nilson. NILSON: Take him to the PS unit. TURLOUGH: Doctor! DOCTOR: I wouldn't, if I were you. Well, gentlemen, it seems we have a problem. [SCENE_BREAK] PRESTON: Good heavens. Look, there's another door. Search through there. [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC: Your move, Doctor. DOCTOR: So it seems. Perhaps it's time for a little mutual trust. DOCTOR: Turlough was telling the truth. VORSHAK: Bridge. PRESTON (OOV.): We've found the intruder's craft. It's amazing. It isn't of this planet. VORSHAK: Is it armed? PRESTON (OOV.): Not that we can tell. VORSHAK: Well, leave a guard on it. Return to the bridge. DOCTOR: Well, Commander? VORSHAK: Well, it seems the boy was telling the truth after all. [SCENE_BREAK] SAUVIX: The warriors are armed and at their stations. ICHTAR: Excellent, Sauvix. It is time to begin. [SCENE_BREAK] PRESTON: You want something? [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: All right, I believe you're not hostile. DOCTOR: Thank you. VORSHAK: But that doesn't mean I trust you. I should like to see a demonstration of your ship. DOCTOR: When I've repaired her. PRESTON: Commander, the third member of the crew. I found her lurking outside. TURLOUGH: Are you all right? KARINA: Commander, the screen. KARINA: It's heading towards the base. VORSHAK: Is that the thing we picked up before? KARINA: Yes, sir. MADDOX: We're getting a clear sensor scan. It is a ship of some kind, but definitely not one of ours. VORSHAK: Prepare to fire energy tracers. DOCTOR: No, don't! VORSHAK: You recognise it? DOCTOR: Yes. You mustn't attack. VORSHAK: You're hardly in a position to give orders, Doctor. BULIC: Ready to fire, Commander. DOCTOR: Do so and you'll regret it. I know what that ship is. VORSHAK: You're telling us not to defend ourselves? DOCTOR: I'm telling you you have no defence. That's a Silurian battle cruiser. PRESTON: Silurian? DOCTOR: The race that ruled this planet long before your species evolved. BULIC: Do we fire, sir? DOCTOR: Trust me. You must try and make contact with it, find out what they want. VORSHAK: It's not what they want, it's what I want, Doctor. And I want to keep them away. Open fire. [SCENE_BREAK] TARPOK: The deflector is locked on to their energy beam. Their external weapons system is now suppressed. ICHTAR: Proceed as planned. [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: Fire again. Fire again! BULIC: Energy systems are dead. VORSHAK: You knew that would happen. DOCTOR: I did try and warn you. PRESTON: What have they done? DOCTOR: It's a particle suppressor. They turned your energy beam back on you. They could have blown this base apart. They certainly have enough reason to. [SCENE_BREAK] TARPOK: We are in position. ICHTAR: Release the Myrka. Sauvix, proceed to your station. When the Myrka begins its work, you and your warriors commence the attack on the main entry point. [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: I want damage reports as soon as possible. Maddox, set the computer to analyse the Silurian weapon. MADDOX: Sir. TEGAN: When did you meet the Silurians, Doctor? DOCTOR: A long time ago. I let them down then, it seems I'll do so again. TEGAN: Are they hostile? DOCTOR: They're honourable. All they ever wanted to do was live in peace. MADDOX: It doesn't compute, sir. DOCTOR: Commander. VORSHAK: Yes, what is it? DOCTOR: You can't fight them. VORSHAK: I can try. DOCTOR: Inform your people. Let them know what's going on down here. VORSHAK: I can't do that. I must maintain radio silence. I can't risk revealing the Sea Base's position to the enemy. DOCTOR: Friend or enemy, it's a distinction that's lost on the Silurians, I assure you. To them you're all the same. Ape-descended primitives. An evolutionary error they obviously mean to correct. VORSHAK: Bridge. GUARD (OOV.): Commander, there's something outside airlock one. It's trying to force the outer door. VORSHAK: Stay there. Get a team down there. Preston, deploy the duty guards to cover all the other airlocks. PRESTON: Yes, Commander. DOCTOR: Let me go with them. I know the Silurians. If I can talk to them, we may be able to avoid bloodshed. VORSHAK: You can try, but remember we have no reason to trust you. Watch him. The first sign of treachery, kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] PRESTON: Any sign of entry? GUARD: No, ma'am. [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC: Any change? GUARD: No, sir. BULIC: The magnetic locks on the outer door are blown. They're in the airlock. TEGAN: How can you tell? BULIC: The automatic pumps have started up. [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: Bridge. PRESTON (OOV.): Airlock five is also under attack, Commander. VORSHAK: I'll come down at once. Karina, put the reserve team on combat alert. Maddox, stand by for sync up. We may have to contact Sea Base Command after all. NILSON: But Commander, if we do VORSHAK: The Doctor may be right. If he is, these creatures are a threat to all mankind. SOLOW: Nilson, we must speak. SOLOW: The base is on war alert. NILSON: It's all right. While Vorshak is busy, I'm in command of the bridge. SOLOW: Are we going to activate Maddox? NILSON: Yes. SOLOW: What about the Silurians? What if they manage to break in? NILSON: We shall neutralise the Sea Base whatever happens, and with the help of Maddox we'll destroy all vital circuitry to do with missiles and communications. [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC: Take up defensive positions. TURLOUGH: Will it hold? BULIC: I wouldn't count on it. [SCENE_BREAK] KARINA: Are you all right? Maddox. Maddox. NILSON: Doctor Solow will take care of Maddox. KARINA: But he's needed here. NILSON: I'm afraid in his present state he's useless. KARINA: Shall I inform the Commander? NILSON: No, no, no, no. I'll do that. You just return to your duties. I'm sure Doctor Solow will have Maddox back at his terminal as soon as possible. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: What if these Silurians don't want to listen, Doctor? DOCTOR: Look on the bright side, Tegan. DOCTOR: Oh dear. TEGAN: What is it? DOCTOR: The Myrka. [SCENE_BREAK] VORSHAK: Well? PRESTON: Commander, they're inside the airlock. VORSHAK: That didn't take long. [SCENE_BREAK] KARINA: What are you doing here? SOLOW: His duty, as I dictate it. KARINA: Sabotage. Maddox, stop it! Maddox, can you hear me? Stop it! KARINA: No! NILSON: Now kill her, Maddox. [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC: Take aim. DOCTOR: I'm afraid the Myrka takes quite a lot to impress. BULIC: Fire! BULIC: We hit it. TEGAN: He must have killed it. DOCTOR: Tegan! BULIC: Fire again. DOCTOR: Are you all right? TEGAN: How would you feel if you'd had a door fall on you? DOCTOR: Anything damaged? TEGAN: My dignity. DOCTOR: Turlough, help me! TURLOUGH: It's no good, we can't lift it. DOCTOR: Keep back. Don't let it touch you. DOCTOR: Bulic, get your people out of here! BULIC: Clear the airlock! DOCTOR: You too, Turlough. TURLOUGH: But Tegan DOCTOR: Get out! TEGAN: You go as well, Doctor. DOCTOR: I'm not leaving you. TEGAN: There's no point in us both dying. DOCTOR: Who's talking about dying? [SCENE_BREAK] BULIC: The creature's in, sir, and our weapons are useless against it. VORSHAK (OOV.): Use grenades. BULIC: The Doctor and the girl are trapped in the airlock. VORSHAK (OOV.): Has the creature passed the bulkhead door? BULIC: No, sir. VORSHAK (OOV.): Then close it! Seal the bulkhead off immediately. TURLOUGH: No! VORSHAK (OOV.): What do you mean, no? Do it! The safety of the Base depends on it. TURLOUGH: No, wait. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: One last try. DOCTOR: Thank you so much. TEGAN: They've sealed us up! DOCTOR: Brave heart, Tegan. TEGAN: Brave heart? That thing's going to kill us.	Plan: A: a tentative trust; Q: What is the Doctor starting to gain from the humans of the underwater military base? A: an unknown cruiser; Q: What does the doctor recognize and warn the humans not to fire upon? A: the Doctor; Q: Who warns the humans not to fire on the unknown cruiser? Summary: Just as the doctor is starting to gain a tentative trust from the humans of the underwater military base, an unknown cruiser appears and the Doctor seems to recognize it and warns the humans not to fire upon it.
Scott: Come on. Allison: Where are you taking me? Scott: Somewhere where we can be alone. Allison: We are alone. Scott: Somewhere where we can be more alone. Come on. Allison: What's wrong? Scott: Get away. Allison: Scott? Scott? Scott: Get away from me. Stiles: So you killed her? Scott: I don't know. I just woke up. And I was sweating like crazy, and I couldn't breathe. I've never had a dream where I woke up like that before. Stiles: Really? I have. Usually ends a little differently. Scott: "A," I meant I've never had a dream that felt that real, and "B," never give me that much detail about you in bed again. Stiles: Noted. Let me take a guess here - Scott: No, I know, you think it has something to do with me going out with Allison tomorrow, like I'm gonna lose control and rip her throat out. Stiles: No, of course not. Yeah, that's totally it. Hey, come on, it's gonna be fine, all right? Personally, I think you're handling this pretty freakin' amazingly. You know, it's not like there's a lycanthropy for beginners class you can take. Scott: Yeah, not a class, but maybe a teacher. Stiles: Who, Derek? You forgetting the part where we got him tossed in jail? Scott: Yeah, I know, but chasing her, dragging her to the back of the bus, it felt so real. Stiles: How real? Scott: Like it actually happened. Stiles: I think it did. Stiles: She's probably fine. Scott: She's not answering my texts, Stiles. Stiles: It could just be a coincidence, all right? A seriously amazing coincidence. Scott: Just help me find her, okay? Do you see her? Stiles: No. Allison: You scared the hell outta me. Scott: You're okay. Allison: Once my heart starts beating again, yeah. What? Scott: I'm just happy to see you. Speaker: Attention, students, this is your principal. I know you're all wondering about the incident that occurred last night to one of our buses. While the police work to determine what happened, classes will proceed as scheduled. Allison: Save me a seat at lunch? Scott: Yeah. Jackson: What are you looking at, asswipe? Scott: Maybe it was my blood on the door. Stiles: Could have been animal blood. You know, maybe you caught a rabbit or something. Scott: And did what? Stiles: Ate it. Scott: Raw? Stiles: No, you stopped to bake it in a little werewolf oven. I don't know, you're the one who can't remember anything. Harris: Mr. Stilinksi, if that's your idea of a hushed whisper, you might want to pull the headphones out every once in a while. I think you and Mr. McCall would benefit from a little distance, yes? Stiles: No. Harris: Let me know if the separation anxiety gets to be too much. Harley: Hey, I think they found something. Scott: That's not a rabbit. Stiles: Okay. This is good, this is good. He got up, he's not dead. Dead guys can't do that. Scott: Stiles - I did that. Stiles: But dreams aren't memories. Scott: Then it wasn't a dream. Something happened last night, and I can't remember what. Stiles: What makes you so sure that Derek even has all the answers? Scott: Because during the full moon he wasn't changed. He was in total control while I was running around in the middle of the night attacking some totally innocent guy. Stiles: You don't know that. Scott: I don't not know it. I can't go out with Allison. I have to cancel. Stiles: No, you're not cancelling, okay? You can't just cancel your entire life. We'll figure it out. Lydia: Figure what out? Scott: Just, uh, homework. Stiles: Yeah. Why is she sitting with us? Allison: Thanks. Jackson: Get up. Guy: How come you never ask Danny to get up? Danny: Because I don't stare at his girlfriend's coin slot. So I hear they're saying it's some type of animal attack. Probably a cougar. Jackson: I heard mountain lion. Lydia: A cougar is a mountain lion. Isn't it? Jackson: Who cares? The guy's probably some homeless tweaker who's gonna die anyway. Stiles: Actually, I just found out who it is. Check it out. Reporter: The Sheriff's department won't speculate on details of the incident but confirmed the victim, Garrison Meyers, did survive the attack. Meyers was taken to a local hospital where he remains in critical condition. Scott: I know this guy. Allison: You do? Scott: Yeah, when I used to take the bus back when I lived with my dad. He was the driver. Lydia: Can we talk about something slightly more fun, please? Like, oh, where are we going tomorrow night? You said you and Scott were hanging out tomorrow night, right? Allison: Um, we were thinking of what we were gonna do. Lydia: Well, I am not sitting home again watching lacrosse videos, so if the four of us are hanging out, we are doing something fun. Scott: Hanging out? Like, the four of us? Do you wanna hang out, like us and them? Allison: Yeah, I guess. Sounds fun. Jackson: You know what else sounds fun? Stabbing myself in the face with this fork. Lydia: How 'bout bowling? You love to bowl. Jackson: Yeah, with actual competition. Allison: How do you know we're not actual competition? You can bowl, right? Scott: Sort of. Jackson: Is it sort of, or yes? Scott: Yes. In fact, I'm a great bowler. Stiles: You're a terrible bowler. Scott: I know! I'm such an idiot. Stiles: God, it was like watching a car wreck. I mean, first it turned into the whole group date thing. And then out of nowhere comes that phrase. Scott: Hang out. Stiles: You don't hang out with hot girls, okay? It's like death. Once it's hanging out, you might as well be her gay best friend. You and Danny can start hanging out. Scott: How is this happening? I either killed a guy or I didn't. Stiles: I don't think Danny likes me very much. Scott: I ask Allison on a date, and now we're hanging out. Stiles: Am I not attractive to gay guys? Scott: I make first line, and the team captain wants to destroy me, and now-now I'm gonna be late for work. Stiles: Wait, Scott, you didn't - am I attractive to gay guy - you didn't answer my question. Scott: Sorry. Sorry. Deaton: You're all of two minutes late. Scott: I just don't want you to think I'm slacking. Deaton: Scott, I guarantee you, you're one of the least slacking kids in this town. Deaton: Hey, I see somebody's ready to get their stitches out. Sheriff: Hey there, Scott. You staying out of trouble? Scott: Yeah. Sheriff: Hey, listen, while I'm here, you mind taking a look at those pictures I was telling you about? Sacramento still can't determine an animal. Deaton: I'm not exactly an expert. This is the guy who was attacked in the bus? Sheriff: Yeah. And we found wolf hairs on Laura Hale's body. Scott: A wolf? I mean, I think I read somewhere that wolves haven't been in California for, like, 60 years. Deaton: True enough, but wolves are highly migratory. They could have wandered in from another state driven by impulse or strong enough memory. Scott: Wolves have memories? Deaton: Longer - term memories, yes. Associated with a primal drive. See this one here? Sheriff: Yeah. Deaton: Those are claw marks. A wolf would have gone for the throat or the spinal cord with its teeth. Sheriff: So what do you think, it's a mountain lion? Deaton: I don't know. A wolf could chase down its prey, hobbling it by tearing at the ankles. And then the throat. Melissa: Is my beautiful, talented, and wonderful son actually bringing me dinner? Scott: Thought you wouldn't mind skipping the cafeteria tonight. Melissa: You are the most thoughtful, loving, most conniving little con artist ever. You are so not getting the car tomorrow night. Scott: Mom. Melissa: What? There's a curfew, no car. But I will take this. Love you. Scott: Love you too. Scott: Mr. Meyers. Are you okay? Melissa: What the hell are you doing in here? Get out! Now, go! Go, go. Police officer: It looks pretty deserted, dispatch. Did you want me to take a look inside? Operator: Unit 16, it's county property. Order's to make sure it's vacant. Police officer: I don't - I don't think anyone's home. Operator: For the love of God, 16, go inside and see if anyone's there. Police officer: Copy that. Don't do that. Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming. Scott: I know you can hear me. I need your help. [SCENE_BREAK] Scott: Okay. I know I was part of you getting arrested and that we basically announced you being here to the hunters. I also don't know what happened to your sister. But I think I did something last night. I had a dream about - someone. But someone else got hurt. And it turns out that part of the dream might have actually happened. Derek: You think you attacked the driver? Scott: Did you see what I did last night? Derek: No. Scott: Can you at least tell me the truth? Am I gonna hurt someone? Derek: Yes. Scott: Could I kill someone? Derek: Yes. Scott: Am I gonna kill someone? Derek: Probably. Look, I can show you how to remember. I can show you how to control the shift, even on a full moon. But it's not gonna come for free. Scott: What do you want? Derek: You'll find out. But for now, I'm gonna give you what you want. Go back to the bus. Go inside. See it, feel it. Let your senses - your sight, smell, touch - let them remember for you. Scott: That's it? Just - just go back? Derek: Do you want to know what happened? Scott: I just want to know if I hurt him. Derek: No, you don't. You want to know if you'll hurt her. Scott: Hey, no, just me. Someone needs to keep watch. Stiles: How come I'm always the guy keeping watch? Scott: Because there's only two of us. Stiles: Okay, why's it starting to feel like you're Batman and I'm Robin? I don't want to be Robin all the time. Scott: Nobody's Batman and Robin any of the time. Stiles: Not even some of the time? Scott: Just stay here. Stiles: Oh, my God! Fine. Stiles: Come on - come on - Scott: Go! Go! Go! Go! Stiles: Did it work? Did you remember? Scott: Yeah, I was there last night. And the blood - a lot of it was mine. Stiles: So you did attack him? Scott: No. I saw glowing eyes in the bus, but they weren't mine. It was Derek. Stiles: What about the driver? Scott: I think I was actually trying to protect him. Stiles: Wait, why would Derek help you remember that he attacked the driver? Scott: That's what I don't get. Stiles: It's got to be a pack thing. Scott: What do you mean? Stiles: Like an initiation. You do the kill together. Scott: Because ripping someone's throat out is a real bonding experience? Stiles: Yeah, but you didn't do it, which means you're not a killer. And it also means that - Scott: I can go out with Allison. Stiles: I was gonna say it means you won't kill me. Scott: Oh, yeah. That too. Lydia: Mmm, pass. Pass. Let me see. Pass. Pass. Uh, pass on all of it. Allison, respect for your taste is, uh, dwindling by the second. This. Allison: Dad, hello? Chris: Right. I'm sorry. I completely forgot to knock. Lydia: Hi, Mr. Argent. Allison: Dad, do you need something? Chris: I wanted to tell you that you'll be staying in tonight. Allison: What? I'm going out with my friends tonight. Chris: Not when some animal out there is attacking people. Allison: Dad, dad, I'm-uh - Chris: It's out of my hands. There's a curfew. No one's allowed out past 9:30 P.M. Hey, no more arguing. Lydia: Someone's daddy's little girl. Allison: Sometimes. But not tonight. Lydia: What are you doing? Allison: Eight years gymnastics. Are you coming? Lydia: I'll take the stairs. Scott: You look like you know what you're doing. Allison: Used to bowl with my dad. When was the last time you bowled? Scott: Uh, at a birthday party - When I was eight. Lydia: I'm so bad at this. Lydia: Somebody brought their "A" game. Scott: Good job. Jackson: You're up, McCall. Allison: You can do it, Scott. Allison: Jackson? Mind shutting up? Jackson: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just flashing back to the words "I'm a great bowler." Allison: Maybe he just needs a little warm - up. Jackson: Yeah, maybe he just needs the kiddy bumpers. Allison: Just - just aim for the middle. Jackson: How about you aim for anything except for the gutter? Allison: Let him concentrate. Scott: Come on, just one pin, please. Jackson: Great job, McCall. Man, you are a pro. Allison: Don't worry. We only just started. Allison: Scott. You're thinking too much. Scott: I know, I'm sorry. I'm ruining this. Allison: No, no, not at all, but I wouldn't mind shutting them up, so just clear your head and think about something else. Scott: Like what? Allison: Anything. Think about me. Naked. Lydia: What did you say to him? Allison: Uh, I just gave him something to think about. Chris: Nice ride. Black cars, though. Very hard to keep clean. I would definitely suggest a little more maintenance. If you have something this nice, you want to take care of it, right? Personally, I'm very protective of the things I love. But that's something I learned from my family. And you don't have much of that these days. Do you? There we go. You can actually look through your windshield now. See how that makes everything so much clearer? Derek: You forgot to check the oil. Chris: Check the man's oil. Hunter: Looks good to me. Chris: Drive safely. Allison: That is seriously amazing. Jackson, uh, how many strikes is that? Jackson: It's six. In a row. Scott: Something just clicked, I guess. Allison: Maybe it's natural talent. Lydia: I could use some natural talent. You mind helping me out this time, Scott? Scott: No, you're good. Go for it. Lydia: Thanks for the vote of confidence. Jackson: Hey, I'll help. Lydia: How about I just try this on my own? I think I'm getting the hang of it. Allison: That was sort of perfect form. Lydia: Was it? Allison: Maybe you should stop pretending to suck just for his benefit. Lydia: Trust me, I do plenty of sucking just for his benefit. Scott: Nice shot, man. Listen, I know we both didn't want to be here. But the thing is, we don't have to hate each other. Jackson: I don't hate you. I just don't believe you. You know, you got everyone thinking everything's fine and normal about you, but I know something's off. You cheated tonight. Scott: How do you cheat in bowling? Jackson: I don't know, but you did. And I don't know if it's steroids or something weirder. I'm guessing something weirder since it's pretty obvious that you're a freak. So don't think for a second I've given up on finding out what your little secret is. Scott: I don't have any secrets. Jackson: Yeah, you do. And here's the other thing. I don't know why, but I think whatever it is you're hiding, you don't want her to find out about it, either. Derek: Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Look at me. What do you remember? Bus driver: Hale. Derek: How do you know my name? Bus driver: I'm sorry. Derek: How do you know me? Bus driver: I'm sorry. Melissa: Girl, I am outta here. There's a DVR at home full of unwatched TV waiting to remind me how ridiculously single I really am. Rose, call a Code, Room 137. Scott: So, uh, do you think we could hang out again soon? Allison: Definitely. But I have to admit something. Um, I'm not big on group dates. So next time, just the two of us. Scott: I could totally handle more of that. Allison: Great. Scott: Allison? Allison: And I could handle more of that - Melissa: Hey, Scott, I'm gonna go to - sleep. Seriously. Stiles, what the hell are you doing here? Stiles: What am I doing? God, do either of you even play baseball? Melissa: What? Can you please tell your friend to use the front door? Scott: But we lock the front door. He wouldn't be able to get in. Melissa: Yeah, exactly. And, by the way, do either of you care that there's a police - enforced curfew? Scott/Stiles: No. Melissa: No. All right then. Well, you know what? That's about enough parenting for me for one night, so good night. Scott: What? Stiles: My dad left for the hospital 15 minutes ago. It's the bus driver. They said he succumbed to his wounds. Scott: Succumbed? Stiles: Scott, he's dead. Scott: Derek! I know you're here! I know what you did! Derek: I didn't do anything. Scott: You killed him! Derek: He died. Scott: Like your sister died? Derek: My sister was missing. I came here looking for her. Scott: You found her. Derek: I found her in pieces, being used as bait to catch me. Scott: I think you killed them both. I'm gonna tell everyone, starting with the sheriff. Derek: That was cute. Derek: I didn't kill him. Neither of us did. It's not your fault, and it's not mine. Scott: This? This is all your fault! You ruined my life! Derek: No, I didn't. Scott: You're the one who bit me. Derek: No, I'm not. Scott: What? Derek: I'm not the one that bit you. Scott: There's another. Derek: It's called an Alpha. It's the most dangerous of our kind. You and I, we're betas. This thing is more powerful, more animal than either of us. My sister came here looking for him. Now I'm trying to find him. But I don't think I can do it without you. Scott: Why me? Derek: Because he's the one that bit you. You're part of his pack. It's you, Scott. You're the one he wants.	Plan: A: a nightmare; Q: What does Scott have that coincides with the mauling of a school bus driver? A: Sheriff Stilinski; Q: Who is on high alert after the attack on the school bus driver? A: Beacon Hills; Q: What town is on high alert after a school bus driver is attacked? A: first; Q: What date is Scott excited for with Allison? A: a confusing group date; Q: What happens to Scott's first date with Allison? A: the bowling alley; Q: Where does Scott go with Lydia and Jackson? Summary: Scott is shaken when a nightmare coincides uncannily with the mauling of a school bus driver, an attack that puts Sheriff Stilinski and the rest of Beacon Hills on high alert. Meanwhile, Scott is excited for his first date with Allison, until it becomes a confusing group date with Lydia and Jackson to the bowling alley.
INT. - DR. ISABEL DE OBALDIA'S OFFICE - DAY [Helena Peabody sits on a couch across from her shrink, Dr. Isabel de Obaldia. The telephone rings.] [Titlecard: New York City, Present Day] Isabel: (phone) This is Doctor de Obaldia returning his call. I'm in session for the next 45 minutes. [The call ends. Helena looks at the doctor.] Isabel: We need to talk. Helena: Isn't that why I'm here? [Helena slowly takes off her jacket.] Isabel: Please don't do that. Helena: What am I doing, Isabel? Isabel: You know exactly what you're doing. [Helena sits back and crosses her legs.] Helena: Are you ashamed of what happened? Isabel: It was profoundly wrong, I... I could lose my license. Helena: I would never do that. Isabel: I have a responsibility to you. And I abused that responsibility. (hesitates) I'm sorry. Helena: I'm not. How is it wrong... Isabel: It's absolutely wrong. Helena: ... to act on desire, when we are both suffocating from it? When it harms no one... when it's so... fcking... excruciating? [The doctor stares at her. Helena gets up and slowly walks over.] Isabel: But I have done you a great disservice. Please. I am asking you to sit back down. [Helena slowly leans over Isabel and kisses her neck. Isabel sighs in ecstasy. Helena raises her to her feet and they kiss hungrily. Helena begins to take Isabel's jacket off.] [Opening credits.] EXT. - THE PLANET - DAY [A beautiful, sunny day.] INT. - THE PLANET - DAY [The cafe is busy. Music plays. Alice, Tina, and Dana sit at a table. Shane and Jenny walk in, swinging hands and grinning. They sit.] Alice: Hey guys! Jenny: Hello! Alice: Alright. A fairy godmother comes to visit. She tells you she's gonna give you a pen1s. Dana: Oh my god. Alice: You only get it for 24 hours, and then it disappears. What do you do with that pen1s for 24 hours? Shane: I would pee standing up on every bush I could find. Dana: That's all you would do, you would just... just pee. Shane: (nods) Mm-hmm. Yup. Jenny: You really wouldn't try to fck a lot of girls? Shane: (smiling) I don't need a dick to do that. [Everybody laughs. Tina looks at Alice.] Tina: Okay. How big is my pen1s? Alice: Okay. Lean. [Tina sits back a little. Alice stares at her crotch.] Alice: Okay. I see a really big cock down there. [Tina raises her brows and laughs.] Alice: It's long, it's not too thick, it's not too dainty. Dana: Gross. Alice: I, on the other hand, have a giant sausage! [Everybody laughs. Kit brings drinks to the table.] Jenny: I think that I probably have a really small pen1s. Kit: Girl, you need to work on your self-esteem! [Shane squeezes the bridge of her nose.] Shane: Oh, we're trying, Kit. Jenny: No, no, no, I kinda like men with small dicks, 'cause then they work really hard to try to please you, you know? Right? Tina: Jenny, I am beginning to think that you are definitely a lesbian. Shane: Carmen's certainly hoping so. Dana: Carmen, what? Alice: What? (to Jenny) Wait, there's something going on between you and Carmen? Jenny: No, no, no, it's nothing! Kit: Girls! (to Jenny) Carmen is all that. Jenny: Kit! Kit: (laughs) Oh, Alice, before I forget, thank you so much for the gift certificate. Alice: You're welcome. Did you use 'em, or... Kit: No, not yet. I was waiting for Bette to come back so we could have our massages together. Tina: Where's Bette? Kit: Uh, she went to New York. She's back on Friday. I thought maybe we would treat ourselves on the weekend. [Tina looks down.] EXT. - NEW YORK CITY STREET - OUTSIDE BETTE'S HOTEL - DAY [A busy Manhattan boulevard, crammed with tall buildings, cars, and people. A cab pulls up to the curb outside Bette's hotel. Bette is on her cell with James.] Bette: (phone) She what? [Bette gets out of the cab. The doorman holds the taxi door for her.] Bette: She can't fcking cancel on me when I flew all the way out here just to - (to doorman) It's in the back. (phone) Alright, what time tomorrow? Okay, well, in the meantime, can you get me a private tour of the Frick? [The doorman carries Bette's bags inside. Bette follows.] Bette: Oh, and James, can you make sure that Helena Peabody takes the time to read our proposal before I walk in there tomorrow morning? (sighs) Okay, I'm gonna get off. I'm losing you. Alright. Bye. EXT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - DAY [A wicker swing is on the front porch, along with lots of plants.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - DAY [Jenny and Shane are interviewing potential roommates. The extremely cheerful Linda, or "Feef", sits on the couch opposite them.] Feef: (grinning) Linda's my real name, but I decided to go with Feef because I think it's more memorable. Don't you? [Feef grins. Jenny and Shane stare.] Shane: Uh, Feef, what do you do when you're not being an extra in one of your movies? Feef: I signed up for a Berry Gannon sitcom technique workshop. Oh, I really wanna be a TV star! I just did a little horror movie and the director totally noticed me. At least, I think it was the director. He was wearing a baseball cap. [Feef grins. Jenny and Shane stare.] Jenny: Do - do you have any other jobs? Feef: I'm signed up with three different temp agencies that cater to the entertainment business. I just think I'm the perfect candidate to get discovered. I mean, just look at anyone who's on TV right now! Most of them started out temp'ing. (sighs, smiles) I just read a whole article about it in Star. [Feef grins. Jenny and Shane stare. Jenny looks at Shane.] Jenny: Okay. Shane: Yup! Jenny: Well, I think we'll get back to you! Shane: I - I agree - thank you, Feef. Jenny: Thanks. [Shane gets up and shows Feef to the door.] Shane: Um, for, um... for coming by. Feef: Bye! [Feef leaves. Shane closes the door.] Shane: Alright. Jenny: sh1t. Shane: We gotta cut these short, I mean, right, before it gets ugly. Jenny: Mm-hmm, like in one second. Shane: We need to think of a signal. (sits) Jenny: Um, why don't I pull my ear, like that? [Jenny tugs on her earlobe.] Shane: Cool. If the person's not for you, pull your ear, and that means "outta there". And I'll do this. [Shane rubs her nose with her hand. Jenny smiles.] Jenny: Okay. Shane: Okay? Jenny: Yeah. Shane: (tired) Christ. INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - DAY [The front door opens. Tina and Joyce Wischnia enter.] Tina: I didn't know she was gone. Kit says she's back on Friday. Joyce: Well, I bet you anything, Gruber told her not to tell you. The last thing they want is for us to have the opportunity to walk through here and take inventory. [Joyce sets down her bag and pulls out a digital camera. She looks around at all the expensive furnishings, art pieces, etc. It screams class and money.] Joyce: And hold sh1t, I can see why. Well, we might as well start in here. Tina, why don't you talk me through this, I imagine you know what most of this is worth. [Joyce takes a picture of the living room.] Tina: Uh... (laughs uncomfortably) Well, I don't know exact values. I know ballpark. I know who's been heavily collected, and who's been shown in major museum shows. [Joyce walks into the dining room, where she gawks at a very colorful, huge painting of a half-naked blonde woman, kneeling in the grass and touching herself.] Joyce: Jesus. You live with that? [Tina looks at the painting.] Tina: Yeah. It's Lisa Yuskavage. She's one of Bette's favorite painters. Joyce: What's a thing like that worth? Tina: A lot, I guess. But Bette bought it before she got famous. [Joyce snaps a photo of the painting.] Joyce: Ah, that doesn't matter. We still claim it as community property. [Joyce exits to the back porch. Tina looks at the painting. Bette's voice echoes.] Bette: (voice over) (echoed whisper) Tina... Tina... Tina... Tina... Tina... [Tina seems unsettled. She looks toward Joyce.] EXT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - BACK PORCH - DAY [Joyce walks around the pool. The pool is surrounded by sculpture, plants, pool furniture and palm trees.] Joyce: Quite a bit of capital invested here, darlin'. Tina: We had the palm trees flown in. It was crazy expensive. But Bette really loves them. So do I. [Joyce walks over to a waist-high statue of Buddha and rests her hand on its shoulder.] Joyce: Hello, my friend. Tina: We got that in Nepal. We had it, uh, shipped. It took like seven months for it to get here. Joyce: Mmm. [Tina sits in a chair nearby. Joyce closes her eyes.] Joyce: Hm, it's giving me peace. It's giving me prosperity. (looks at Tina) It's giving me child support! [Tina doesn't smile, is not amused.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - DAY [Next interviewee, a normal-looking guy named Ewan.] Ewan: It's a consortium of doctors. I set up the Quickbooks system for them, and I run their billing for them. Jenny: And is that pretty much nine to five? Ewan: More like seven to eleven. It's pretty intense, 'cause, well, uh, patients don't wanna pay their doctor's bills. [Jenny and Shane look at each other.] Jenny: (to Ewan) Oh, yeah. Shane: Mm-hmm. So, Ewan, if it's not too personal, do you have a girlfriend, a boyfriend? Ewan: Well, I had a boyfriend, but, uh, we broke up about nine months ago. It was pretty mutual, but it was still kind of a rough time. (sighs) Shane: Sorry. Ewan: I am starting to date again. (chuckles) Jenny: (smiling) Yay. [Ewan smiles and nods. Jenny smiles at Shane, then back at him.] Jenny: What kinda music do you like? Ewan: Well, uh, mostly I listen to, uh, R&B and funk. Sly Stone, Chaka Khan, Prince. [Jenny and Shane smile at each other.] Ewan: But I've got no problem wearing headphones if you're not into it. Shane: (smiling) No, no, Prince is excellent. Especially the Revolution. Ewan: Yeah, with Wendy and Lisa? Shane: Yes! Jenny: God, I love Wendy and Lisa. Ewan: (chuckling) That's his best sh1t, hands down. Shane: (to Jenny) fck it, let's just show Ewan the studio. Jenny: Yeah, fck it. Ewan: There's just one thing I wanna make sure you're okay with, it's just not really a big deal. Shane: Lay it on us, Ewan. Ewan: Well, I just want you to know sometimes I'm gonna be naked. Jenny: Uh, yeah. Yeah! I mean, when you're having a shower, or like, what, uh, getting changed. Shane: Yeah. L.A. in the summer is a killer; everyone sleeps naked. Jenny: Yeah. Yeah, totally. Ewan: And sometimes, like, you know, like, hanging around the house, too. [Jenny and Shane stare.] Jenny: What do you mean? Ewan: Well, you know, like doing day-to-day things, like, um, dusting, gardening, reading the paper, cooking breakfast... [Jenny slowly reaches her hand up and tugs on her earlobe.] Ewan: Basically, I'm a nudist. It's a lifestyle thing. But it's so natural, after a while you'll get used to it. Jenny: Do you really think that, Ewan? Ewan: Oh yeah, sure, what's the big deal if I took my shoes off (takes shoes off), and my shirt (takes shirt off), that wouldn't be a big deal, right? [Shane rubs her noses. Jenny gawks at Ewan. Ewan stands and unbuckles his belt.] Ewan: So, what if I, uh, take it one more step further? (takes pants off) That's no big deal, right? [Ewan starts to take off his underwear. Jenny and Shane hold up their hands.] Jenny: (squinting eyes) Oh, my God! No, Ewan! LATER - [Another female interviewee, who speaks with a regimental authority.] Woman: I recommend we set up a schedule for bathing, cooking, cleaning. And I think it would be really, really bonding if once a week we each made a meal for the other two. [Shane stares at her like she's speaking in another language.] Woman: My specialties are string-bean tuna fish casserole, and, uh, sloppy joe lasagna. (smiles) [Jenny and Shane stare. Shane starts to rub her nose. Jenny tugs on her earlobe.] INT. - HOTEL BALL ROOM - TOE SEMINAR - DAY [People meander about. Kit walks up to the woman at the registration desk.] Kit: Hi, I'm Kit Porter. Woman: (looks at paper) There you are. Kit Porter. Have you ever done TOE before, Kit? Kit: Uh, no. (chuckles) Woman: Welcome to the "Theory of Everything." (points) [Kit looks over at a poster advertising TOE, with Benjamin Bradshaw on it. It reads: "A workshop for business owners" and "conducted by Dr. Benjamin Bradshaw" and "TOE The Theory of Everything".] Woman: Benjamin Bradshaw's patented technology for achieving personal transformation. Benjamin and TOE are gonna change your life. Kit: I just wanna turn a profit. [The woman hands Kit her nametag.] Woman: Well, you're gonna get a lot more than you bargained for, Kit. Kit: Thank you. [Kit walks into the crowded ballroom and looks for a seat.] INT. - JOYCE WISCHNIA'S GUEST HOUSE - NIGHT [Tina sits at a desk, writing. Joyce walks in, carrying a tray of sushi, then knocks.] Tina: Come in. Joyce: Hi. I know today was rough for ya, darlin', I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Sushi? Tina: No thanks. [Joyce approaches, chewing some sushi.] Tina: (rubbing belly) Mercury poisoning. Joyce: (chewing) Mm. Well, I don't buy it. But it's fine to be cautious. So, how you holdin' up? Tina: I'm okay. I'm trying not to think about it. I'm just throwing myself into my work. Joyce: (smacking food) Yeah? Whatcha working on, there? [Joyce turns her head so she can read what Tina's doing.] Tina: I am writing a grant proposal. For a project called the Campaign for Quality Education? [Joyce looks impressed.] Tina: It's our main focus right now. Joyce: Mm. Wow. Tell me a little about it. [Joyce eats some more sushi.] Tina: We are bringing K through 6 kids from all different socio-economic situations and putting them into a community outreach program to teach literacy and critical thinking skills. Joyce: (smacking loudly) Wow. Well, that sounds ambitious. Tina: Yeah. (chuckles) [Joyce leans on the desk and looks at Tina.] Joyce: You know something, Tina? You are an exceptional woman. And you deserve to be fully appreciated. And the way Bette treated you? Was bullshit. [Tina looks down.] Joyce: G'night. [Joyce starts to walk off.] Tina: Joyce? Joyce: (turns) Yep? Tina: Thank you. Thank you for everything that you've done for me. Joyce: Oh, that's what I'm here for, sweet cheeks. [Joyce winks and leaves. Tina chuckles and gets back to work.] INT. - TOE SEMINAR - DAY [A huge audience sits in the dark, facing Dr. Benjamin Bradshaw, who's up at the podium on stage.] Benjamin: (mic) There is no negative without a positive. This man - [Benjamin points to a man in the audience. A spotlight goes to the man.] Benjamin: (mic) - says that the animal he most resembles is a ferret. Why? [Behind Benjamin is a massive projection screen, showing the man in the audience.] Benjamin: (mic) (pointing) He thinks of himself as a thieving rodent. [Elsewhere in the audience, Kit scribbles notes on a tiny pad.] Benjamin: (mic) But, my ferret friend, picture this, picture yourself as a ferret. Close your eyes. [Ferret closes his eyes.] Benjamin: (mic) Visualize. Let me tell you about ferrets. Ferrets are strong, they can carry objects more than twice their size. Did you know that ferrets are also unusually intelligent? They're problem-solving animals. Look at you. What a marvelous creature you are. [Ferret smiles. Benjamin points at someone else in the audience, a man named Gavin.] Benjamin: (mic) What's your name, friend? Gavin: Gavin. Benjamin: (mic) What animal do you resemble, Gavin? Gavin: Oh, that's easy, an ostrich. Benjamin: (mic) (to everyone) Gavin thinks of himself as cowardly, with his head in the sand. [On the big screen behind Benjamin, Gavin looks sad.] Benjamin: (mic) Gavin? Did you know that male ostriches are fast and powerful and majestically self-sufficient? [Gavin smiles. Benjamin points at Kit.] Benjamin: (mic) Lady with the flashing eyes. [The spotlight hits Kit. She squirms a little.] Benjamin: (mic) So skittish. I'll bet I know what animal you identify with. [Kit shifts uncomfortably in her chair.] Kit: An... alley cat? I guess... Benjamin: (mic) (to everyone) Not just a cat. An alley cat. (to Kit) Sybaritic. Virile. Self-indulgent. Irresponsible. [Kit frowns as if she's being chastised.] Benjamin: (mic) Is that you, lady alley cat? [Kit purses her lips and sighs.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Jenny sits at her desk in the dining room, typing on her laptop. She writes, "... morning of her seventh birthday, Janie tiptoed down... her father's Heckler Koch semiautomatic out of its... odor of burnt explosives; she breathed it in and found... oddly pleasant. They were going to Kiddieland later... "] JENNY'S DAYDREAM - [At the carnival. Two young girls, Jenny and Jane, are at the "Big Bad Duck" shooting gallery. They shoot toy rifles at little metal ducks moving back and forth several feet away.] Jane: They're hard to shoot. Young Jenny: C'mon! Jane: I'm trying! I can't! Young Jenny: Go for it again! Jane: Okay. I can't! Young Jenny: C'mon! [Present-day Jenny sits cross-legged on the conveyor with all the ducks. She rides out to the middle. The little girls shoot at her.] Young Jenny: Get her! Get her! Jane: I'm trying! [They continue to shoot, giggling. Present-day Jenny smiles at them. All of a sudden, Jane fires a shot that hits Present-day Jenny in the heart. Older Jenny looks down as blood stains her white shirt.] Jane: There! I got her! Yeah! [The girls laugh and giggle playfully. Present-day Jenny looks up, dazed.] [Cut to Present-day Jenny running through the midway and out to the dark field beyond, as the girls watch from the gallery.] INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Shane walks past, to the refrigerator to get a bottle of water. Jenny sighs and rests her head in her hands. She looks up.] Jenny: Shane? Shane: I'm sorry, uh... I didn't mean to interrupt your flow. [Jenny closes the laptop and shakes her head.] Jenny: I am so broke. If we don't find a third person, there is no way I'm gonna be able to come up with half the rent. Shane: Me too. Jenny: Good! [They laugh.] Shane: (shaking head, smiling) Good night. [Shane starts to walk away.] Jenny: Shane? Shane: Yeah? Jenny: Are you okay with that thing that happened between Carmen and me? I mean, if we were to - Shane: Are you? Jenny: I don't know. I mean, we just... (shrugs) kissed. She hasn't called or anything. Shane: (thinks) You could call her. Jenny: I can't do that. Shane: Well, uh... do you want me to invite her over? Jenny: (smiling) You would do that? [Shane nods and smiles.] Jenny: Are you sure that you're okay with that? Shane: Consider it done. (smiles) G'night. [Shane walks away.] Jenny: G'night, Shane. INT. - TOE SEMINAR - NIGHT [After the seminar, Benjamin sits at a table, autographing books. He signs a book and hands it to someone.] Benjamin: Thank you. [Kit approaches. He reads her nametag and smiles.] Benjamin: So, the black alley cat's name is Kit. (chuckles) Kit: With all these people up in here, I'm surprised you can remember my animal. [They chuckle.] Kit: Kit Porter. [They shake hands. She hands him her copy of his book.] Benjamin: Kit Porter. [He signs her book. She reads the signature.] Kit: (reading) "To Alley Kit. With sharp claws and flashing eyes. Success, vision, clarity, transformation. All in good time. Benjamin Bradshaw." (to Benjamin) All in good time. How long will that be? Benjamin: That depends. But it'll take more than one three-hour seminar. What sort of business do you have, Kit? Kit: Oh, it's called The Planet. It's always been a cafe. But I wanna turn it into a - a performance club, you know, at night. Benjamin: Oh. Let's start with the cafe. What are you serving? Kit: Coffee, desserts, salads - Benjamin: Okay. Here's what I want you to do. What is the most popular dessert you have on your menu? Kit: Definitely the pear polenta tart. I mean, we're famous for it. Benjamin: Starting tomorrow morning, I want you to add five dollars to the price of the pear polenta tart. Kit: (laughing) Five dollars? Benjamin: People ask you why, just say, "It's worth it." If they get angry, you just say, "It's worth it." [Kit's eyes get huge. She shakes her head a little.] Benjamin: No matter what anybody says, your answer is, "It's worth it." Kit: My customers are gonna scream. I'm not gonna be able to sell one single tart. Benjamin: I'll guarantee you, right now. The extra five dollars a tart will cover the cost of the advance seminar on leading, weekend after next. Kit: I didn't sign up for your advance seminar. Benjamin: I'll tell you what. Don't sign up for it until you've made the $250 extra on the pear polenta tart. [Kit laughs and shakes her head.] Benjamin: I'll save a space for you. Kit: Okay. Thanks. EXT. - HOLLYWOOD MOVIE SET - DAY [The set of a 1940s movie. Actors in period dress, crew people, and studio people wander around. Veronica Bloom, dressed in a suit, walks toward a man standing near a camera. She is mad.] Veronica: Why aren't we shooting? What the fck is going on? Man: Well, Alyssa hates her hair and she insulted Jamie, and Jamie stormed off the set. And now Alyssa is having a total breakdown and she won't let anyone come near her. [They look at Alyssa, who's sitting a hundred yards away on the bumper of an old car, having a cigarette.] Veronica: Where is Gordo? Man: He's back at the production office. [She frowns and shakes her head.] Man: He and Alyssa had a fight yesterday, and she banned him from the set. Veronica: The fcking actress banned the fcking producer from his own movie set? Man: (shrugs) Yeah. Veronica: Find Jamie, tell him to get his ass back here and fix her hair. I can't afford to lose another half a day. [She sits.] Man: Veronica, if you'd heard what she said - Veronica: I don't give a fck what that little ct said to him. [A woman in a headset walks up to them. Off in the distance, Shane is doing another actress' hair on the set.] Veronica: (to man) You tell her that if she's not back on that set in ten minutes with her hair perfect, I will fire her sorry ass and replace it with Kate Winslet's spotless mind! Woman: Jamie just quit. Veronica: (to self) Great. That's fcking great. (putting headphones on) This bitch is costing me fifty thousand dollars a minute. I'll rip her fcking hair out. (to man) Just find me somebody who can deal wit her! [In the distance, Veronica watches as Shane walks up to Alyssa. We can hear what Shane and Alyssa are saying through Veronica's headphones.] Shane: (headphones) Hi. How're you doing? Alyssa: (headphones) Really fcking shitty! Shane: (headphones) Okay. Veronica: (to man) (points to Shane) Who is that? Man: I don't know. Woman: Oh, I think it's one of the hairdressers that came in to help with the day players. [Veronica listens in on her headphones.] Shane: (headphones) (to Alyssa) You're beautiful. And you hardly need anything at all. Alyssa: (headphones) What are they saying? [Shane glances toward Veronica, then back at Alyssa.] Shane: (headphones) That's just one crazy bitch. [Veronica raises her brows.] Shane: (headphones) Doesn't matter. [Veronica stands up and removes the headphones.] Veronica: (to self) Who are you calling a crazy bitch? [In the distances, Shane starts working on Alyssa's hair.] Veronica: (to man) When we get back to shooting, and that little bitch comes back to work, have that person come and see me. Man: The hairdresser? Veronica: I'll be in my trailer. [Veronica walks off. The man picks up a walkie-talkie.] Man: (walkie-talkie) John, go to two. (to everyone) Alright, people, let's get back to work, let's go. EXT. - NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY [A busy street in a neighborhood. Bette walks down the sidewalk, and up the steps of a building. She buzzes the intercom at the door.] Woman: (intercom) Morning, Peabody Foundation, how can I help? Bette: It's Bette Porter for Helena Peabody. [The door buzzes. Bette goes in.] INT. - HELENA PEABODY'S OFFICE - DAY [Helena's secretary shows Bette in. Bette enters. Helena sits at her desk, tying on her laptop. Bette clears her throat. Helena looks up. She smiles and closes the laptop.] Helena: Bette Porter. Bette: Nice to meet you. Thank you so much for seeing me. [They shake hands.] Helena: Remind me again, you're with...? Bette: Uh... the California Arts Center? [Bette sits.] Bette: Our museum has a longstanding relationship with the Peabody Foundation. Helena: We always funded the arts very generously. I'm glad you benefited. Bette: (smiling) We did. Immensely. But I hope you're not speaking in the past-tense. [Helena smiles but says nothing. Bette's smile fades.] Bette: You know, your mother was a great supporter of ours, she helped to fund three to five projects a year. Helena: My mother's retired. Bette: I'm aware of that. (smiling) That's why I'm here. Obviously. Helena: Obviously. [Bette looks a little unsure.] Bette: Well, I'm sure you've received our proposal. Helena: (looking at desk) I know it arrived... to be honest, I haven't gotten around to the arts projects. Bette: You haven't read it? Helena: I've been focusing on the social justice programs. [Bette smiles, at a loss for words. Helena hands her a catalog.] Helena: Look at this, Bette. There's a group, in Boston, wants to convert an old residential hotel into a shelter for homeless women and children. These women are working two, three jobs, breaking their backs, trying to support their children who they hardly ever get to see because they're working so hard to feed and clothe them. It's fcking heartbreaking. Bette: (hesitant) Helena, I hope you're going to continue to support the arts as generously as your mother did. Helena: I don't think so. Bette: Helena, the arts are the vitality of Los Angeles. We are setting the cultural agenda for the rest of the country. The federal government has completely abdicated! [Helena listens but appears unmoved.] Bette: We depend on private support, and the Peabody Foundation is like a beacon. Helena, civilizations wither and die without the arts. Helena: Very dramatic. [Bette frowns.] Helena: I'm not ruling out the arts, Bette. I'm just saying the foundation is looking at different priorities. Bette: Well, once you read our proposal, you'll see one of the projects, "Our Clothes, Our City", is by seven young women, asylum-seekers from Rwanda, Kenya and Kosovo. What they're doing is exploring the - [Suddenly, Helena's office doors burst open and two children, Wilson and Jun Ying, run in.] Children: Mommy! Mommy! [Helena gets up and hugs them.] Helena: Oh, my god, I missed you! What did you do yesterday, and the day before, and tell me, what have you been up to all this time? Huh? What have you been doing? C'mere. C'mere, you. [Helena sits with the kids on the nearby couch. Bette goes over and sits in a chair near them.] Helena: (to Bette) You know, it sounds like a worthy project, but just imagine how many children I could feed with that thirty-five thousand dollars. Bette: (smiling) I didn't know you had children. Helena: This is Wilson, and this is Jun Ying. (to Jun Ying) and I haven't seen them for two whole days. (snuggles Jun Ying) Have I? [Bette smiles wistfully at the children.] Bette: My partner and I are trying to start a family. Helena: (to Wilson) You're outgrowing everything, we're going to have to take you on a shopping trip. [Bette looks at the children with a sad smile.] Wilson: Let's go shopping. Helena: Go shopping? (to Bette) I recommend it. Children complete your life. [Bette watches the bonding display. Her eyes light up sadly.] Wilson: My pony's name was Moonwalker. And I trotted him! Helena: You trotted him! Jun Ying: I had a horse, too! Helena: That's fantastic! (to Bette) Bette, I know you're anxious to hear from us. Rest assured I will read your proposal and give it a fast and fair hearing. (to children) Now, who wants to stop at the Enchanted Forest on the way home, hey? [Bette gets up to get her things and leave.] Helena:Because I saw the biggest stuffed giraffe in the window and I think it told me that it wanted to come and live with us. EXT. - HOLLYWOOD MOVIE SET - TRAILER LOT - DAY [A man walks by with a dog in his arms, holding a portable fan near its face. It whimpers and barks. Shane passes by on her way to Veronica's trailer. She follows a guy looking at a PDA and carrying a gift basket. She looks around anxiously at all the trailers. At a really swank, double-wide trailer, he opens the door and goes in. Shane waits on the steps.] INT. - VERONICA BLOOM'S TRAILER - DAY Veronica: (phone) Rap by nine, it'll be a fcking miracle. See ya then. Man: So, your lunch is set for twelve thirty at A.O.C. Dailies are at three today, or I can just download them for you from the V.P.O. And Shane McCutcheon is here. [Veronica is busy with her cell phone.] Veronica: Who? Man: Uh, the hairdresser. [Shane peeks in.] Veronica: Who sent the basket? Man: The card is attached. [Veronica, still looking at her phone, sits on the couch.] Veronica: Yeah. I don't like to read if I don't have to. Man: (reading) It's from Warner's Publicity. Veronica: Get it out of here. Those fcking ass-licks. I have enough fcking peanut butter to feed all the monkeys in China. [The man grabs the basket and heads for the door. He motions for Shane to go inside. He leaves. Shane enters. Veronica puts her phone down and starts to type on her laptop.] Veronica: Do you make a habit of referring to your employer as a crazy bitch? Shane: (smiling) Ah, sh1t, um... No. I guess I fcked up. Veronica: I guess you didn't know who I was. Shane: (shaking head) No, I didn't. Veronica: (nods) How could that be? Really. Are you illiterate? Are you from Mars? Have you not read a newspaper in the last seven years? [Veronica glares at her.] Shane: I'm done for the day. So I'm gonna go. [Shane starts to back towards the door.] Veronica: What are you dressed like? Are you the poster child for the under-nourished and gender-confused? [Shane is wearing a pinstripe blazer, a green t-shirt, and a pair of low-riders. She carries an old Army bag over one shoulder.] [Shane looks herself over.] Shane: Yeah. If you say so. [Shane turns and heads for the door.] Veronica: Hey! Shane: What! Veronica: Let me give you a little piece of advice. The studio head is much more vital to your continued employment than the moronic actress who's starring in my movie. Shane: (irritated) Look, I was trying to calm her down. I'm sorry if it offended you. Veronica: I wasn't offended. That was fcking impressive. And frankly, unprecedented. [Veronica steps into the kitchen to take some vitamins. Shane stands in the door.] Shane: How's that? Veronica: Alyssa Nero is notorious for holding up production for hours on end. You were able to calm her down in five minutes. Shane: Really wasn't that hard. Veronica: You went on instinct, right? Shane: (nodding) Yeah, I guess I did. Veronica: Have you ever thought about doing it for a living? Shane: I don't know what you mean, I do hair. Veronica: You know how to talk to people. It's a very rare and special skill. I am always interested in people with special skills. Shane: Thanks. But like I said - Veronica: You'd be my new assistant. [Veronica sits back down in the living room.] Veronica: You'd come with me on meetings, maybe twice, three times a week, if I thought your special skill could come in handy. Shane: I still don't know what you want me to do. Veronica: Don't worry. I'll tell you. [Shane wrestles with the decision. Veronica smiles.] Veronica: Do you know how many people in this town would pierce their left nipple to get this job? [Shane shakes her head 'no'.] [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. - NEW YORK CITY STREET - DAY [Bette walks down a neighborhood street, on her cell phone.] Bette: (phone) Hi, it's Bette Porter for Helena Peabody, we met this morning and I wa - (listens) Well, I would prefer to speak to her directly. (listens) Well, why don't you let me know when she is available? (listens) Fine, I will call her then. INT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - DAY [Jenny is interviewing a quiet, conservative-looking young woman named Sally.] Sally: Yeah, I've been with the company for about four years. They treat me well, so I don't see myself going anywhere. Jenny: Good. [They smile and nod at each other.] Jenny: (pointing) Would you be happy, in the studio, back there? Because Shane, my roommate, said that she would be willing to sleep in the main house. Sally: Oh! I don't even mind the extra bit of little privacy. [Shane walks in the back door.] Jenny: (to Sally) Sorry. (to Shane) Um, hey! Shane: Hi. [Shane throws her bag in the floor and heads to the couch in the living room.] Jenny: Um... Shane, this is Sally. Shane: Hey, Sally. Sally: Hi. Jenny: And Sally said that she would be willing to sleep in the studio. [Sally smiles politely, but the smile fades into a disapproving look as she gives Shane a once-over. Shane plops down on the couch next to Jenny. Jenny pats Shane's knee and smiles at Sally.] Shane: Excellent. (to Jenny) I'm sorry I'm late. (to Sally) So, um... you're into the studio. (to Jenny) Does that mean you discussed the kitchen and bathroom situation? [Sally stops smiling and looks a little ill.] Jenny: Um, yes, I have. Shane: And what about rent? Jenny: Uh, no. Sally: Uh - I - I did need to ask a question. Jenny: Mm-hmm. Shane: Yeah? Sally: Uh - you two aren't... um... [Jenny and Shane smile.] Shane: Uh! Jenny: Oh! Shane: No. Jenny: No. Shane: No. [Shane puts her arm around Jenny.] Jenny: No, we're friends. Shane: We're roommates. [Shane and Jenny kiss. Sally looks a little freaked out.] Sally: Just friends. Shane: Yeah. Jenny: Yeah. Is there a problem? [Sally touches the cross on her necklace. She hesitates, then pulls a pamphlet out of her purse.] Sally: My church... we have a group called Exodus Ministry and - Jenny: Exodus Ministry. [Shane stares at Sally. Jenny looks at Shane.] Sally: We can help get you out of the homosexual lifestyle. Jesus loves us all. He hates the sin, but he loves the sinner. [Shane frowns and nods.] Shane: Thanks for coming by, Sally. Jenny: Bye, Sally. Shane: (points at door) It's that way. I'll show it to you. [Shane goes and opens the front door. Sally looks a little confused as she picks up her purse and leaves. Jenny shakes her head. There's a knock at the door. Shane goes to answer it.] Jenny: (standing) Wait! I'm gonna talk to her. Shane: Okay. [Shane opens the door. A man named Mark stands on the porch with a video camera. He films them.] Mark: Afternoon, ladies. I'm Mark. I, uh, I called earlier. Who did I talk to on the phone? [Jenny rubs her temples.] Jenny: That would be, uh, me. Mark: Jenny. That's your name, right? Mark. [Shane looks wary. Mark and Jenny shake hands.] Jenny: Hi, Mark. Mark: Nice to meet you. [We see him filming a close-up of Jenny's face.] Mark: Wow. Amazing eyes. Jenny: Thank you. [Mark puts the camera in Shane's face.] Mark: I'm Mark. Shane: (irritated) Yeah. You, uh, you said that. I'm Shane. Do you mind, please? [Shane pushes the camera out of her face and closes the front door. Mark continues to film.] Mark: Sorry. I know this thing is intrusive, but it's sorta my life's work. I'm chronicling, bear with me, guys. [Jenny and Shane give each other their ear-pulling, nose-rubbing code.] Mark: Check this. Two dark-haired beauties with blue eyes. What are the odds of that. (chuckles) So is that, like, how you guys decided to be roommates? Shane: I'm sorry, Mark. What is it that you're looking for? Mark: That... is an excellent question. How do you mean, spiritually? Philosophically? Jenny: No, as in a place to live. Mark: Oh. Whew. (laughs) I can answer that question. Um... [Mark turns the camera around and hands it to Shane.] Mark: Would you mind? Just holding the camera while I... [Shane takes the camera and points it at him. She holds it lop-sided, completely uninterested in helping him film his video. Mark leans over to get in the crooked shot.] Mark: (to camera) Mark, uh... Shane: Sorry. [Shane straightens the camera - a little.] Mark: (to camera) Mark Wayland here, talking to Jenny and Shane, answering the question, "What are you looking for in a place to live?" And hoping that my completely obnoxious, in-your-face video camera entrance doesn't totally prejudice them against considering me as their roommate. [Jenny and Shane smile at each other.] LATER - [Shane is filming Mark as he talks to them.] Jenny: Direct to videos, huh? Mark: Yup. Jenny: What do you do on these videos? Mark: I write 'em, I shoot 'em, and I cut 'em. When I first took the gig I thought, uh, it'd only be part time so I'd get my sh1t together, go back to film school, but... didn't really work out. Jenny: What are some of the titles of the videos that you've made, Mark? Mark: "Bareknuckle Backyard Wrestling", "Bloody Bar Brawls", "Ass-Kicking Sisters", and my first was called "World's Craziest Bachelor Parties". It was a pretty big seller, but not as big as, uh, "Wild-Ass Catholic School Girls". [Shane turns the camera on Jenny to get her less-than-enthusiastic reaction.] Mark: Did you catch that one? [Shane turns the camera off.] Shane: (laughing) That's twisted, Mark. Um... you know, Jenny and I will get back to you. [Shane hands the camera back to Mark.] Mark: Okay. Look. I'm guessing both of you know what it's like to try to figure out how to be an artist. (points) Is that the studio? Jenny: Yeah. Shane: Yeah. Mark: Because that is amazing. I could bring in my equipment and post all my shows right out of there. Look, I don't wanna do this. I wanna make documentaries, that's all I've ever wanted to do. Jenny: There's not a lot of call for that, is there? Mark: No. But, I mean, god - a truly great documentary film, there's... it's not - it's - have you ever seen this movie called "Grey Gardens"? Jenny: (smiling) Oh my god. That's, um, what is it. That's those two - uh, the two insane women - Mark: Yeah. [Mark and Jenny get excited and start talking over each other.] Jenny: (to Shane) - they're like the mother and the daughter, right? Mark: Yeah. Yeah. Jenny: Yeah, yeah, that's probably the most crazy - Mark: Best. Jenny: - unbelievable, Mark: Best documentary ever. Jenny: Best documentary ever I've ever seen. Mark: Yes. Jenny: Yeah. Mark: (to Shane) You must see this movie. That is my inspiration. Imagine what that would be like to make something like that? That - that truly moved people. I - (sighs) Jenny: Do you really wanna move people? Mark: Yes. I really wanna move people. Shane: That's understandable. [Jenny and Shane look at each other.] Mark: Please don't judge me by what I do to get by. I mean... I know it's weird. (chuckles) But my direct-to-video gig pays. I can give you first, last, security, and six months rent up front, in cash. [Jenny and Shane look at each other.] EXT. - AMUSEMENT PARK - DAY [An amusement park with rides and games, on a pier by the ocean. There's a Ferris wheel, and a roller coaster, and on the Scrambler, Dana and Tonya ride in a car and Alice and her date Chris, a guy, ride in another. He has his arm around her. The Scrambler whips around in tight circles. People squeal. When the ride is over, Dana looks a little queasy.] Alice: (giggling) (to Chris) That was awesome! [When the ride stops, Chris helps Alice out. Alice clutches a stuffed yellow chicken in one hand. She grins.] Alice: (giggling) Thank you! Chris: You're welcome. [They start walking to the midway, Tonya and Dana in tow.] Alice: (giggling) Um, is my face on sideways? Chris: No, your face looks perfect. Tonya: (to Dana) Aren't they the cutest couple, ever? Chris: (to Alice) You know, my company rented this place out last year for clients. It's amazing to just... take over the whole place. [Alice giggles. Dana eyes Alice and frowns at Chris. They look at the roller coaster go by, its occupants screaming.] Chris: Yep! Alice: Um, what do you do, Chris? Chris: I'm a business manager. We deal with mostly entertainment industry clients, so... [Tonya fusses over Dana's hair. Dana wrinkles her nose at her, still frowning at Chris.] Tonya: C'mon. Let's go on the ferris wheel again. This time we'll really spin it! Alice: Um, I - I was actually gonna use the restroom but I'll meet you guys by the ferris wheel. Okay. I'll be back. [Alice wanders off.] Tonya: Hey, Chris? Chris: Sure, I'm game. Dana: Uh, you know, I'm gonna stay here, actually, I'm gonna take a break, too, and - Tonya: (pouting) Dana: I'm gonna keep Alice company. [Dana wanders off.] Chris: (to Tonya) Okay. Dana: Have fun! [Chris and Tonya clasp hands and go giggling and running toward the ferris wheel. Dana runs after Alice.] Dana: Alice. Alice, wait! Alice! Alice, wait up! [Alice finally stops.] Alice: What? Dana: (mad) Do you have to flirt with him like that? Alice: Your girlfriend's the one who hooked me up with him! [Dana rolls her eyes.] Alice: 'Oh, you'd really love my friend Chris'. I mean, you could have told me it was a guy. [They stop walking. Dana faces Alice.] Dana: Would it have made a difference? So I guess girls don't bring out the 'Hey, what do you do for a living? How do I look? Do you think I'm pretty?' Alice: I didn't say that. [Dana rolls her eyes.] Alice: I don't get it! What do you want from me? What do you want>? [Dana steps close. She takes the stuffed chicken and sets it down. She kisses Alice gently. After the kiss is over, they look around nervously.] INT. - PRIVATE SPA - DAY [Peggy Peabody and her lover, a Russian guy named Nikolas, are laying on spa tables. Peggy's translator, Vesna, sits in a chair in the corner. Two attendants are giving them massages. Soothing classical music plays. Bette stands before Peggy.] Bette: I have great respect for her conviction. I just think that it would be a tragic mistake at this moment in time - Peggy: Helena is very capable. I doubt she'll be making any tragic mistakes. Bette: I'm not questioning her ability, Peggy. But it's your legacy to the arts, it's the collection you've labored over. Peggy: (laughing) Do you want to know what I think about legacies? (turns to Nikolas) Nikolas. Nikolas, darling. What is my legacy going to be? [Nikolas looks at the translator.] Vesna: [speaking in Russian] Nikolas: (to Peggy) [speaking in Russian] [Bette sighs and folds her arms as he talks. Peggy listens to him intently. They kiss a few times.] Vesna: A sandy, white beach. [Bette cringes as she looks at the translator. As Vesna continues, Nikolas and Peggy caress each other and give each other little kisses and nuzzles.] Vesna: And a cottage in the Grenadines. Several pitchers of chilled mojitos. And twenty-four glorious orgasms in twenty-four glorious hours. Peggy: I got the gist of it. (laughing) He doesn't speak a word of English. Bette: (smiling) So I gathered. Peggy: I'm lucky I found Vesna. She's a brilliant translator, and not too shy to come into the bedroom with us, mind you. (sighs) He says the most divine things to me in the bedroom. Bette: (smiling) How nice for you. Peggy: And lucky me. I get to experience them twice: once viscerally, and once... linguistically. Vesna is even coming with us to the Grenadines, aren't you my little squirrel? Bette: Peggy, before you go... to the Grenadines, would you be willing to speak to Helena on our behalf? I just truly believe that the C.A.C. will suffer without our annual Peabody Foundation grant. Peggy: (sitting up) Has Helena turned you down? Has she actually made a decision yet? Bette: No, not yet, but I'm just concerned - Peggy: Have faith, then. [Nikolas pets Peggy's shoulder.] Peggy: (to Bette) Look at me. If this doesn't give you faith... [Peggy kisses Nikolas for several seconds. Bette rolls her eyes and looks away. Peggy stops for a moment to smile up in ecstacy at Bette. Bette looks ill.] EXT. - NEW YORK CITY STREET- DUSK [Bette walks down a crowded Manhattan street. The Empire State Building is in the distance. She's on her cell.] Bette: (phone) Helena Peabody please? It's Bette Porter calling back. (listens) Well, you said she would be free... (sighs) Yes, I would like to leave a message. Can you please just tell her that I wanted to invite her for drinks this evening? We didn't really get to finish our - (listens) (sighs) Alright, thanks. [Bette disconnects the call.] Bette: (under her breath) f*ck! EXT. - L.A. STREET - NIGHT [Mark and his friend Gomey drive down the street in a truck.] Mark: (off screen) No, it's a guest house right in the back, but there is no bathroom or kitchen or anything, so we share all that. EXT. - JENNY AND SHANE'S HOUSE - NIGHT [The truck pulls into the driveway between Bette's and Jenny's houses, to the back. Mark and Gomey get out.] Mark: This is it. Home sweet home. [They head back to the garage/studio where Jenny used to live. Mark unlocks the door and turns on the light. It's a big, empty, garage - nothing special.] Mark: Well? Gomey: This is it? Mark: Dude. [Mark flicks Gomey's ear.] Mark: Shut up. [The camera pans around the empty space.] Mark: Alright, come on, help me get some sh1t out of the car. Gomey: Alright then. EXT. - NEW YORK CITY STREET - OUTSIDE THE STARLIGHT CLUB - NIGHT [Several people congregate outside the club's nondescript exterior. A taxi pulls up. Bette gets out and goes into the club.] INT. - STARLIGHT CLUB - NIGHT [A swank lesbian bar with a dance floor. Jazzy chillout music plays. Women congregate in every corner. Bette walks in and seats herself at the bar.] Bette: (to bartender) I'll have an Absolut martini. [The bartender makes the drink. Bette looks around. She catches the eye of an attractive young girl standing several feet away; the girl looks less interested in her friend and more interested in Bette. Bette stares at her for several seconds, then stops and rolls her eyes at herself. After a few moment, she takes a sip of her martini and looks back over.] EXT. - JOYCE WISCHNIA'S HOUSE - NIGHT [Tina quietly walks up the steps to Joyce]	Plan: A: Bette; Q: Who travels to New York to ask for continued funding for the California Art Center? A: Rachel Shelley; Q: Who plays Helena Peabody? A: English; Q: What nationality is Helena Peabody? A: her mother's business; Q: What does Helena Peabody take over after Peggy Peabody retires? A: Los Angeles; Q: Where is Tina when Joyce makes a pass at her? A: Tina; Q: Who is shocked and angry when Joyce makes a pass at her? A: a number; Q: How many of Tina's clients has Joyce slept with? A: her past clients; Q: What does Tina think Joyce slept with? A: a new roommate; Q: What do Jenny and Shane search for? A: no luck; Q: How did Jenny and Shane do with interviews? A: a dashing young film maker; Q: What is Mark Wayland? A: Mark Wayland; Q: Who is the young film maker that Jenny and Shane meet? A: Eric Lively; Q: Who plays Mark Wayland? A: Benjamin Bradshaw; Q: What is the name of the inspirational speaker that Kit bonds with? A: Charles S. Dutton; Q: Who plays Benjamin Bradshaw? A: a run-in; Q: What does Shane have with Veronica Bloom? A: Veronica Bloom; Q: Who is the movie producer who offers Shane a job? A: Camryn Manheim; Q: Who plays Veronica Bloom? A: a ruthless and egotistical movie producer; Q: What is Veronica Bloom? A: her personal assistant; Q: What job does Veronica Bloom offer Shane? Summary: Bette travels to New York on business to ask for continued funding for the California Art Center from Helena Peabody ( Rachel Shelley ), the English daughter of Peggy Peabody, who takes over her mother's business after Peggy's retirement. Back in Los Angeles, Tina is shocked and angry when Joyce makes a pass at her, having slept with a number of her past clients . Jenny and Shane search for a new roommate, but they have no luck with interviews until a dashing young film maker, named Mark Wayland ( Eric Lively ), drops by and charms both of them. Kit bonds with an inspirational speaker named Benjamin Bradshaw ( Charles S. Dutton ). Shane has a run-in with Veronica Bloom ( Camryn Manheim ), a ruthless and egotistical movie producer, who offers Shane a job as her personal assistant.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Boyd: The Indian line property owned by Helen and Arlo Givens is the last parcel. Mags: Without that property, without them, without me... There is no Green Mountain Project. Boyd: There's parts of my daddy's business that even Johnny wasn't privy to. Now, had my daddy been a more calculating man, he might have used his knowledge of where and how those loads were packaged and transferred to, uh, get in the hijacking business himself. Now, since you called off the deal that I made with your mama, I'm gonna have to take all the weed business, too. You think I won't find you? Boyd: Oh, no, sir. I'm counting on you to find me. You just bought some of my best weed. And I hope you come back for a whole lot more. Arlo: I think Dickie might have made me. Dickie: We need to talk to Arlo. Helen: He's not here. Dickie: Arlo is off somewhere with Boyd Crowder counting my money. [ Gunshot ] Helen: Aah! Tom: Sorry to be seeing you under these circumstances. Called it in a little after 3:00 A.M. Tom: Raylan? Raylan? Are you hearing me? Raylan: Yeah. I hear you. Tom: Okay, yeah. I was saying that Helen got at least one shot off in the exchange and we found traces of blood spatter on the wall across from her body. Raylan: Good for her. Tom: Well we're searching all the hospitals and clinics in a hundred-mile radius for gunshot victims, but nothing yet. Raylan: Yeah. Where's Arlo? Tom: He's upstairs. He said something about picking out a dress for the service. [ Police radio chatter ] Tom: So, we can't just assume that this was the Bennetts. There's plenty of people knew about that Black Pike money. Raylan: Was her money taken? Tom: Uh-huh. And that not withstanding, I don't have to tell you that your father has his fair share of enemies. Raylan: Then why did you? Tom: 'Cause you don't look convinced. Raylan: You're worried I'm gonna do something rash? Tom: No. 'Cause you're down here on your personal time, right? Art called, says you're down here as a private citizen. Raylan: Well, there you go. Nothing to worry about. Tom: Okay. ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Boyd: Mmm-mmm-mmm! You know what that smell is? Johnny: Bacon? Boyd: That is cinnamon. They cure this bacon with cinnamon. Devil: Ugh! That sh1t ain't right. Cinnamon? Boyd: Wait till you taste it. All quiet on the western front? Devil: Yep. Boyd: What day your boys getting here? Devil: Tomorrow. They got delayed. Johnny: Time is of the essence, Devil. We don't get those boys down here quick to help stand guard, we are gonna drop. Devil: Well, they're getting some emulex, maybe some grenades, too. In case the Bennetts come with numbers, we even up the playing field. Boyd: Well, that's worth waiting for. Devil: Mm-hmm. Boyd: Oh, here come them eggs. Hey, baby? Ava? What is it? What happened? Ava: Helen's dead. [ Voice breaking ] They shot her last night in her house. Boyd: Devil, I'm gonna need you to call your friends. You tell them to get here tonight. Raylan: I thought you were getting a dress. Arlo: It's over there. That was her favorite. Raylan: Who are you loading those bullets up for? Arlo: You know damn well who. Raylan: The Bennetts? You think it was the Bennetts? Arlo: You killed Coover. Now your aunt is dead. You suppose that's a coincidence, lawman? Raylan: No, I don't. So, you're gonna charge off, guns blazing, and kill 'em all? That it? Arlo: Not all. Raylan: Which ones? Arlo: Mags didn't come in here with no shotgun. And Doyle wouldn't do this kind of thing. Raylan: So it's just Dickie you're after, then. Where were you? Huh? [ Gun cocks ] Where were you? I find it odd that she got killed at 2:00 in the morning. Where were you? Arlo: Hell is that supposed to mean? Raylan: I'm just wondering where you were. Arlo: Helen ain't dead because I wasn't here. She's dead because you killed one of theirs. Raylan: Stop loading your gun. Arlo: If you cared at all about her, you'd be loading up your guns, too. Raylan: My guns are always loaded. Arlo: All she did for you... Raylan: I know exactly what she did for me! I certainly don't need to be reminded of it by you! [ Knock on door ] Boyd: I hope we're not interrupting. Raylan: What the hell you doing here? Arlo: You can come on in. Ava: We heard what happened. We want to offer our condolences. Raylan: Okay, well, now you've done it. You can be on your way. Arlo: What kind of way is that to act? Boyd: I know you're hurting, Raylan. Raylan: Don't preach to me. Boyd: Believe it or not, we come with pure intent. Ava: Raylan, I wa... Raylan: Don't. Raylan: Mind leaving one of your cruisers here to keep an eye on Arlo? Tom: I can arrange that. Where you headed? Raylan: Funeral home. Tom: I'll let you know if we find anything. Raylan: Okay. Boyd: I'm awful sorry, Arlo. Are you okay? Arlo: I told you... Dickie made me. Boyd: Raylan have any idea? Arlo: No. And he ain't gonna. When Raylan finds Dickie, that doglegged son of a bitch is gonna be dead. Aah! God! Christ, Dickie! How the hell am I gonna explain this to Genny? Dickie: Just say we were out hunting and I accidentally shot you. She ain't gonna believe that sh1t. Dickie: Sure she will. She already doesn't like you. I'm supposed to tell her you shot me? Dickie: Shot by accident is the key word there, Jed... by accident. Hey, hey. Where you gonna hide your share of the stash, huh? I keep mine in a little box inside the wall. Uh, I got an old fishing kit. I keep it at the bottom. Dickie: Ooh, ooh, ooh. Why? Dickie: Well, Genny and your little girl ain't gonna go nosing around and finding it? Haven't yet. Dickie: Hang on. Last one? Dickie: That about does it. Yeah. Yeah. [ Sighs ] Dickie: Okay. Dickie, uh, what if the they connect this back to us, the cops? Dickie: Hey, hey. That ain't gonna happen, man. I cleaned up all the blood. You saw me clean up the blood. And there ain't no way they're gonna match up a shotgun pellet. Okay? Because I can't do no time. Dickie: I know. I know. Hey. It'll be okay. All right? Let's clean this sh1t up before your family gets home, and I'll give you a holler, all right? Mags: So sorry, Raylan. Truly. Your aunt and I had a lot of history. Truth be told, I always saw a bit of myself in her, and I'd like to think she'd say the same thing. Raylan: Mags, I want to stop you right there. While I appreciate all that, I ain't here for sentiment. Mags: I guess you'd better tell me what it is you do want. Raylan: I want to see your boys. Well, just the one boy, really. Mags: Leave him out of this. Raylan: I think he's responsible. Mags: I think Helen and Arlo made my deal with Black Pike possible. And as you can see, that deal angered a lot of folks, folks who knew your kin was paid cash for that property. Raylan: That's the line you want to take? Mags: Yeah, well, robberies go wrong all the time. Raylan: Mags, where's Dickie? Mags: Why, so you can finish the job you started 20 years ago? Crippling him wasn't enough. Now you want to kill him? Raylan: I just want to talk to him. Mags: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Of course. Raylan: Fine. Don't help me. But if Arlo finds him first, we both know how that'll end. Mags: I had every intention of living a simple life... Raising my boys, keepin' house. Then Pervis got killed, and I... and I accepted this role, did what I had to do for my family. I may not have lived the life I wanted, but I'll be damned if my grandchildren are gonna live it the same way. I got Doyle's boys a path out of this holler. And nothing is more important to me than that. Raylan: So... where is he? Mags: I don't know. After he helped you find Coover, I separated myself from him. I heard he's been staying some at Coover's. Out of guilt or... Sadness, I do not know. [ Vehicle door closes ] [ Police radio chatter ] Tom: Thought you were making funeral arrangements. Raylan: I was. Needed a razor. Tom: Oh, yeah. Where is it? Raylan: Didn't have my brand. Tom: Your father got away from us. Used Boyd to give my man the slip. Got any idea where they might be headed? Raylan: Nope. Mags: Doyle... We've got a problem. [ Dog barking ] Arlo: What the hell you want? Raylan: I want you to put that gun down. Arlo: Get the hell out of here. Raylan: Arlo, you remember the last time you pointed a gun at me? Put it down. Arlo: [ Sighs ] She hated me. Raylan: Hmm? Arlo: Helen. Raylan: Oh. Yeah, well... Arlo: I wasn't good enough for Frances. I was a lousy father. Raylan: Yeah, sounds about right. Arlo: When your mother died... you wouldn't know, never coming by... but... I was hopeless, and Helen stepped in. But she didn't stop with her sharp tongue, not for one damn instant. Always snapping, needling. One day I just barked back. Can't remember what I said. Something about her being a harpy, I think. She laughed. That was it. Not a day went by we weren't tearing strips off each other. But that was our dance. No disrespect to your mother, but the last 15 years... the best of my life. Raylan: Why did you think you could find Dickie here? Arlo: That's all you've got to say? Raylan: What do you want me to say? Arlo: You haven't offered any condolences or, sh1t, even said you're sad she's dead. Raylan: You want me to share my feelings? Arlo: Oh, for God's sake... Raylan: I'm sorry, Arlo. I just don't see how me exploring my grief is gonna help me find Dickie. So my question is, why'd you come here? Arlo: I heard tell he might be here. Raylan: Mags told me the same thing. Where would you look next? Arlo: Why would I tell you? Raylan: I want to find him, same as you. Arlo: Not the same as me. You want to arrest him. Raylan: Okay, then. Let's go. Arlo: What? Where? Raylan: I'm gonna haul you off to jail... drunk and disorderly. Arlo: Heard you tell that statie you're down here as a private citizen. Raylan: I can still arrest people, you idiot. Arlo: You're not gonna arrest me. Take these things off of me! Raylan: Nick, got a live one for you. Arlo: All right! All right! I'll tell you what you need to know if you let me out of here. Raylan: I'm listening. Arlo: Go to Audry's. Ask around. Dickie's a regular over there. Raylan: Thank you. Breaking and entering, concealing a loaded weapon, D&D... take your pick. Arlo: What? Raylan: Get some rest, Arlo. Arlo: I told you what you need to know! Raylan: You have my undying gratitude. Arlo: You shithead! Okay. Who wants some hot chocolate? Blow on it, baby, before you singe your tongue. Not exactly a 14-year-old's idea of a good time, is it? Loretta: I'm fine. What'd you do for fun back home? Loretta: I worked. Right. What was your job? Loretta: I sold weed to kids at school. Hey, Loretta. You want to come play? Just a second, honey. I know this isn't easy, Loretta. But we're all real glad to have you here, honey. Loretta: Guess that's what you're supposed to say, isn't it? Yes. But that don't mean it ain't true. Raylan: Ellen May. Oh. Hey. Raylan: Hey. How you doing, baby? Raylan: I'm good. Thank you. Oh. That's right. Raylan: You don't remember me, do you? Of course I remember you, baby. Raylan: I was... I was here not long ago. You were with one of the other girls and a... and a little dude with a swastika tattooed on his chest. Ooh. That sounds kinky. Raylan: Yeah, I bet it was, until two fellas started shooting at us. Mm-hmm. Raylan: Right out here. Till the chief of police came and shot and killed them both. Right out there by that dumpster? Oh. What are... What are you doing here? Raylan: I'm here 'cause, um, I just......came by for a little information. Mm-hmm. Raylan: A client of yours named Dickie Bennett. You know, I woke up this morning, and I thought I had problems. I-I couldn't pay my rent, I have a sick dog, and I can't find a man to save my life. But you... you're gonna solve all my problems 'cause if I just tell you about Dickie Bennett, he's gonna come and he's gonna kill me. Raylan: No. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Raylan: That's not gonna happen. I promise. I'm not here on official capacity, not gonna make a scene and haul you in. I'm just looking for Dickie. What do you want to talk to him about? Raylan: Well, he killed my aunt. Seriously? Oh. Oh... Jed Berwind. Raylan: Jed Berwind. Mm-hmm. Raylan: I don't follow. He's Dickie's shadow. You find Jed, and you'll find Dickie. Raylan: Thank you. Wait. You head out now, everyone's gonna think you're a two-pump chump. Raylan: Well, why don't you tell them for me that I was the best two pumps of your life, okay? Oh, yeah. All right. [SCENE_BREAK] Mags: Tell me it wasn't you. Dickie: Hey. Hey. Listen to me, mama. I love you, and I always tried to do what you wanted. But ever since Coover, you just ain't been thinkin' right. Mags: I am still the head of this family! Dickie: Yeah, and why is it, mama, that the head of this family gave away this family's territory... to Boyd Crowder, no less? Mags: Boy, you don't know what you're talking about. Dickie: What I know is Boyd Crowder robbed us point blank at the shed and Arlo helped him. What I know is Boyd ran off Rodney, told him he was swinging dick around these parts. You... you gave Boyd an inch. He took a country mile. That's what I know. Mags: If you had a problem, you should have come to me, like always. Dickie: Even after you disowned me? No, I don't think so. No, you know, you can just go off. Go make all your big future plans, mama. Go on. Get Doyle and his tads their seat in future land, tomorrow land. I'll tell you what... I am living in the here and now in Harlan County, and I ain't about to sit by and watch while a Crowder takes and takes and takes what's ours. Doyle: You need to watch yourself, boy. Dickie: It's my turn now. Mags: You want to be in charge? Is that what this is about? Dickie: I want what's coming to me. Mags: Okay, Mr. President. Dickie: I want what's coming to me. Mags: Helen is dead. Everybody knows that you're to blame. Raylan's already been at the store. What are you gonna do when he catches up to you? Dickie: That ain't gonna happen. We're gonna throw Raylan off that scent, give him a damn good reason to stand down. Doyle: Yeah. How's that? Dickie: Jed's gonna get himself killed resisting arrest. Doyle: [ Chuckles ] God damn. You gonna ask that of me after everything I done for you? Dickie: I'm gonna tell you where he's hiding his share of the money. You find that and his shotgun and you match his blood with the drops I made sure to leave at the scene, there you have it. Mags: Dickie, I swear, your actions jeopardize my plans in any way, I will let you swing for it. [ Sniffles ] Dickie: By which, I believe you mean, "that's a damn good plan you got there, my darling son." You see the beauty in this, don't you, brother? Huh? Do you? Everyone will know that we hit back and won't be able to prove it, but they will know what that means. Doyle: Jed. Doyle. What's going on? Doyle: Want to come on out here and talk to me? Is that really necessary? Doyle: Well, you can come out here and talk to me, and it'll just be you, or... I can come inside. You come by to apologize on behalf of your brother? Doyle: Excuse me? For shootin' my husband. He ought to be locked up. Doyle: You take a walk, Genny. This don't concern you. It does when you're standin' at my front door. Doyle: I'm gonna ask you to step back into the house. You shittin' me? Genny, go on back inside now. Every one of you Bennetts are crazy, aren't you? Doyle: I ain't gonna ask you again, Genny. Do what he says. What are you gonna do? You gonna shoot me? Is that it? Raylan: Well, this looks like a lot of fun. Ma'am... deputy U.S. marshal. I want you to go inside your home and shut the door right now. Not you, jed. No, no, no. [ Sighs ] So, what's the plan... kill jed, pin Helen's murder on him, Dickie gets off? Doyle: You joking? Raylan: I pat you down, I ain't gonna find a throwdown? Doyle: Well... you even try to pat me down, I'll kill you. Raylan: It was rhetorical. Can I go on inside now? Raylan: No, jed, you cannot. You can stand right there. Keep your hands where we can see them. Don't want to give quick draw McGraw any provocation. Are we done here? Doyle: Yeah. Ain't nothing can't wait. Raylan: Now we can go inside. [ Engine turns over ] Raylan: Jed, I know you were there with Dickie last night when Helen was murdered. And before you deny it, they found blood at the crime scene. And I can see plain as day you're favoring that arm. Now, if that blood matches yours... and I'm gonna bet my left nut that it does... you're gonna go away for the rest of your life. Unless you didn't pull the trigger. Then maybe there's a way you can watch your daughter grow up and keep sleeping with your wife. Doyle was gonna kill you. You know that, right? Talking to me is the only way you get out of this alive. I need to know you can protect me and my family. Raylan: Was it Dickie? And you were there? Okay. We're gonna take you in. You're gonna get this all down on record. But before that happens, I need you to just tell me where I can find Dickie. I don't know. Raylan: The quicker I find him and get him into custody, the safer you and your family are. Bennetts got what, 50 drying sheds across a thousand acres? Dickie could be in any one of 'em. I'm gonna testify. But you got to find him on your own. For what it's worth, it wasn't supposed to be her. We were there for Arlo for what he and Boyd done to Dickie and all. Raylan: What the hell is that supposed to mean, "what he and Boyd done to Dickie"? Boyd? What was that bullshit you once said about your outlaw days being behind you? Boyd: I think you need to calm down, Raylan. Raylan: Give me one reason why I shouldn't come up there and kick the living sh1t out of you. Boyd: I'll give you 15 reasons in the mag and 1 in the chamber. Raylan: You sure you can hit me from there? Boyd: It's either me or the four people inside this house with their guns already pointed at you. Ava: Is there a problem? Raylan: Ava, get inside the house. Ava: No, I don't think I will. This is my home. Raylan: Well, you both make very good points. Boyd: Raylan, I know you're angry. I know you're frustrated. And if I am in any way responsible for what is transpired, what has happened to Helen, I am truly sorry. But I'm not the man who pulled that trigger, Raylan. Raylan: I can't find him. Boyd: Well, we could draw him out. Raylan: How would we do that... take you to the middle of town, tie you to a tree, and wait? Boyd: Well, I'm glad to see you found your sense of humor. Raylan: I ain't joking, Boyd. Boyd: I'm talking about going to Mags, Raylan, getting her to give him up. Raylan: I tried that. She won't. Boyd: That's 'cause you didn't play your ace in the hole, my friend. Raylan: Which is? Boyd: Black pike. Raylan: What about it? Boyd: Hands have been shaken, but the deal hasn't closed. Raylan: You sure about that? Boyd: Now, when you find Dickie, if you want, you can give me a call. Raylan: So you can take care of him for me? Boyd: What are friends for? Raylan: Whatever needs to happen to Dickie Bennett, I'd prefer to take care of that myself. Boyd: Raylan? I know you and Ava have a history and you might assume that that familiarity gives you a certain license. Well, it don't. That's twice you've disrespected her in my presence. Don't let it happen a third. Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Car door opens ] [ Sighs ] [ Car door closes ] Arlo: You come to get me out of here? Raylan: One condition. Arlo: Oh, sh1t. Raylan: You go to Mags, take your property back from her, give it to black pike. Arlo: What? Raylan: You heard me. Arlo: I can't do that. Deal's already done. Raylan: No, no, no. You can. I checked. Carol Johnson... you remember her, pretty red head... says escrow hasn't closed. Property is still technically yours. So you will go to Mags, and unless she gives up Dickie, back out, destroy the whole deal. Arlo: No, I don't think I will. Raylan: I don't understand you, Arlo. Not for the life of me. Arlo: I ain't giving back 150 grand. Raylan: Why not? Helen's life ain't worth that to you? Arlo: I don't need you to arrest Dickie. Let me out of here. I'll find him, kill him myself for nothing. Raylan: Sure you will. Mm. All this time knowing her blood was on your hands. Arlo: My hands? You killed a Bennett! Raylan: Now you won't give up your payday so you can get her killer. Raylan! Raylan! Raylan: I'm sorry. Can't let you hurt a prisoner. Raylan: You're right. It won't happen again. He's gonna be all right. As long as he does what's right! Now, let me talk to you in a language I think you can understand. Think of this as a business deal. If I take down Dickie, you and Boyd can have free rein over all of Harlan county. Arlo: Don't matter what I do. Mags won't give Dickie up. Raylan: Yes, she will. [ Door opens ] Arlo Givens is outside. Mags: Alone? He wouldn't say what he wanted. Bring him on in. Mags: It's okay. You can go. Arlo: Hello, Maggie. Mags: Wondered how long it would be before you came to my door. You want a drink? Arlo: You know I do. Mags: You understand I didn't have nothin' to do with it. Helen and I had called a truce. Arlo: [ Sniffs ] If you say so. But you still got to answer for Dickie. Mags: He's claiming you ripped him off. Arlo: We did, with cause. Dickie came to Boyd, reneged on the deal you made. Boyd took offense. Mags: Boyd should have come to me. You should have come to me. Arlo: We all had the sense you'd stepped back from the life, with your mine deal. Mags: You want me to give up my son to you? It came to it, you'd do the same to Raylan? Arlo: Either you tell me where Dickie's at, or I back out of the deal with black pike. Mags: You're too late for that. Arlo: No, I ain't. And you know it. Pot trade ain't what it used to be. Without that deal, you got nothing. Mags: What'll you do if you get him? Arlo: I'd kill him. But it ain't my decision. Mags: Raylan sent you? Arlo: Wanted me to ask you, what's the future worth? Dickie: You get it done? Doyle: Ah, it didn't work out. [ Car door closes ] [ Footsteps approach ] I had no choice, Dick. Dickie: Mama know about this? Raylan: She's the one who gave you up. Seems you ain't worth protecting. Doyle: Oh, God damn it, Raylan. Raylan: Let's go, Doyle. You made a deal. Doyle: I'm gonna need you to turn around, Dick. Behind your back. All right, let's go. Hope you're satisfied. Start walking. Dickie: [ Sobbing ] You don't have to do this, Raylan. Raylan: What did you say? Dickie: I said... I said, you don't... you have to do this, Raylan! Raylan: Of course I do. This is who we are, Dickie. This is who we've always been. Givens, Bennetts... going on what? Nearly a hundred years now. And this is how it ends. Dickie: It can just end. It don't have to be like this... with handcuffs in the woods in the middle of the night. Raylan: You walked into my father's home and executed Helen in her goddamn bathrobe. Dickie: No, that was not the way it went down, Raylan. Nobody executed her. She died because she had a shotgun pointed at us and she wouldn't listen. When I told her to put the gun down, Ray... I told her over and over again, "put the damn gun down," but she wouldn't listen, Raylan. You know how she was, Raylan! Raylan: Don't talk about her like you knew her. You didn't know sh1t about her. That woman saved my life. Did you know that? Criminal for a father, working a deep mine, wondering... What on earth could come along and save me? Helen did. She told me to leave this place behind, be better than Arlo, and she gave me the money to do it. That woman raised her dead sister's kid like he was her own because... God damn you, Dickie. Thanks for coming. Winona: Mm-hmm. It's peaceful. So quiet. Raylan: Under different circumstances, I'm sure plenty of people could have been happy here. Winona: I'm so sorry, Raylan. [ Footsteps approach ] Ava: Mr. Givens. She had no regrets. Knew the life she'd chosen. She wouldn't have done it any other way. Lord, our God, you are the source of life. In you, we live and move and have our being. Keep us in life and death in your love, and, by your grace, lead us to your kingdom, through your your son, Jesus Christ. Winona: He's very sweet. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Winona: We can stay if you want. Raylan: No. Winona: Oh? Okay. Raylan: I want to leave right now, with you. Raylan: Tom. Tom: Raylan. Raylan: You missed all the fun, but I think there's some food if you're still hungry. Tom: No, thanks. Raylan: This is Winona. Winona: How do you do? Tom: Ma'am. Raylan: What brings you here? Tom: Raylan, I need a moment with you. Raylan: Here and now is good. Tom: Okay. Jed Berwind had a visitor a few hours ago. And shortly after she left, he recanted his statement. Said he lied about everything, that he was the one that killed Helen, and that you coerced him into implicating Dickie, says the Bennetts had nothing to do with it. Raylan: Who was the visitor? Tom: We're looking into that. [ Buzzer ] Mags: I'm... I'm sorry, Dickie. Couldn't let your troubles interfere with what had to be done. The deal's all closed. Ain't nobody can touch it now. Doyle's family's on their way to our property up north. The future will be theirs... And theirs alone. You see, son, you were right. [ Laughing ] I don't know who I was kidding. Can you see your old mama sitting on some suburb porch cashing dividend checks? No. This is where I belong. Dickie: [ Voice breaking ] He put a gun to my head, mama. Mags: Oh, I know, honey. I know. We'll take care of all that. Don't you worry. We'll take care of everything.	Plan: A: A deadly home invasion; Q: What event hits Raylan personally? A: Raylan; Q: Who beat Arlo in a holding cell? A: a race; Q: What does Raylan find himself in with Boyd and Arlo to find the killer? A: Arlo; Q: Who refuses to give up his $150,000 he got for the Black Pike mining deal? A: Helen's death; Q: What does Arlo blame Raylan for? A: Bennetts; Q: Who killed Helen? A: Coover; Q: Who did Raylan kill? A: the Boyd-led pot robbery; Q: Where did Dickie identify Arlo? A: Arlo's life; Q: What did Arlo say the last 15 years with Helen were the best years of? A: no disrespecting Raylan's mother; Q: What does Arlo tell Raylan about Helen's sister? A: Mags; Q: Who is forced to make decisions about her involvement in the Bennett family's criminal activities? A: the fate; Q: What does Mags have to decide about Dickie? A: a deadly plan; Q: What does Dickie concoct with his brother Doyle to absolve himself of responsibility? Summary: A deadly home invasion hits Raylan personally, placing him in a race with Boyd and Arlo to find the killer. Arlo initially passes the blame for Helen's death onto Raylan, saying that the Bennetts killed Helen because Raylan killed Coover, when Arlo knows that Helen is dead because Dickie identified Arlo at the Boyd-led pot robbery. Arlo tells Raylan that the last 15 years Arlo spent with Helen were the best years of Arlo's life, no disrespecting Raylan's mother, Helen's sister. Arlo refuses to give up his $150,000 he got for the Black Pike mining deal in order to get Mags to give up her son Dickie. Raylan beats Arlo in a holding cell until Arlo agrees to help Raylan get Mags to turn on her son. Mags is forced to make decisions about her involvement in the Bennett family's criminal activities and the fate of Dickie, who concocts a deadly plan with his brother Doyle to absolve himself of responsibility.
Fake Jim: Morning, Dwight Dwight: Who are you? Fake Jim: Who am I? I'm Jim. We've been working together for twelve years. Ha, Weird joke, Dwight. Dwight: You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian Fake Jim: You seriously never noticed? Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race. Dwight: Alright then Jim. Ahhh, why don't you tell me about that sale that you made yesterday? Fake Jim: Uh, Wellington systems? Sold them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock. Or, were you talking about Krieger-Murphy? Because I didn't close that one yet, but I'm hoping I've got a voicemail from Paul Krieger waiting for me. Voicemail: Please enter your password. Voicemail: You have one new message. Dwight: How did you know? No! No, no! That is sensitive information only for employees, not outsiders! Fake Jim: Dwight, cut it out, I'm trying to work. Dwight: You don't work here! You're not Jim! Pam: Jim, I got us that dinner reservation. Grico's at 7:30. Fake Jim: Oh great, can't wait. [Kisses Pam] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Jim's at the dentist this morning. And Steve is an actor friend of ours. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim. This is Jim! [Dwight shows fake Jim of the Halpert family portrait but notices that Jim and the kids have been replaced with fake Jim and Asian kids] Dwight: Oh my-! Oh d-! Oh, how did-? [gasps] Huhhhhh! [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Heyyy! Study buddies! Darryl: Oh, ok. Erin: Getting things done. Awesome! Darryl: It's all about finding ways to make yourself more efficient. Life hacking, baby. This morning, I brushed my teeth in the shower. Saved my self 90 seconds. Which I just used to explain this to you. Damn it! [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Since Andy promoted me to assistant regional manager, I've been trying to step my game up, you know, be more productive. In fact, you know what? Let's knock out a few more of these sound bites while we're here. [pauses] Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [speaking in French] S"il vous plait...dites-Moi...Ugggghhh les Bleagh! Dwight: Ah, French. It's a great language. If you're a chain-smoking acrobat. Erin: I'm just trying to fit in better with Andy's family. They all speak more than one language. Usually when I'm there! Dwight: You wanna learn a really impressive second language? Try dothraki. Win over any man in my guild. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Dothraki is the native tongue of the nomadic war-mongering horse lords of Essos as featured in the superb Home Box Office series, Game of Thrones. It has a lot of nudity. Which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I could teach you if you want. It's a lot easier than French. Erin: Yeah! Let's do it! Dwight: [exclaims] Atherozar! Erin: [shocked] Oh! Dwight: It means "excellent". And we have begun. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [asks Nellie who is tapping a pen on her desk]. Is everything okay? Nellie: Hmm? Oh-oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine. Fine, fine, fine. I'm mean, I d-I just don't wanna-burden you with my massive stress freak outs! Pam: Great. Nellie: It's just that I am taking my driver's license test in two days, and I need to practice with an experienced driver in the car. But I've had no time to do that, thanks to "Demandy"...[Points to Andy's office with her thumb]. I just want to hit the open road and drive, man! But...in who's car? Andy: [yells] Nellie! Get your wrinkly old balls in here. Nellie: [sighs] Pam: Nellie, I could practice with you in my car at lunchtime. Nellie: Oh, Pam, thank you! You are my savior! [hugs Pam] Nellie and Pam: [giggling] ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Pam: [to Jim] I'm sorry, I'm leaving you alone for lunch. Jim: Don't worry about it. I have a thing. A thing of soup. Which I've been wanting to try. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: This is my research into how we might produce child-proof paper that doesn't give you paper cuts. We can't. And here is a print out of your genealogy from thisisyourfamilytree.com Andy: Executive-summary me. Hit the highlights. Nellie: Well, it turns out, you are a distant blood relative of Michelle Obama! Andy: As in... Nellie: Wife of Barack, loves gardening, wants to wipe out fat children. Andy: [silently mouths] Wow! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: This is super-flattering. She's the most popular person in America. This is a big day for both of us. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: My fellow Americans, I have a feeling my approval rating is about to go through the roof. Turns out, I am related to Michelle Obama. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I was intimidated by Andy's family before. And now I have to see the First Lady at holidays? She's gonna be like, "What's your stance on politics?" Or, "What is the best war to do?" And, I will just be like, "Duhhhh!" [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Alright! We gotta get rid of all this junk food. Get fit, America! Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, but uh...I'm related to Michelle Obama. [Clark and Peter clap] [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Yeah we noticed early on, Andy really appreciates enthusiasm. Clark: So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders. [SCENE_BREAK] Clark: Oooohhhhhhhh! [They clap when Andy slams dunks his garbage into the bin] [They clap when Andy prints a paper copy out] [They clap when the water cooler jar makes bubbles while Andy is standing next to it.] Clark: It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome. Pete: Yeah, me too. It's weird. Hard to remember what's real at this point. Clark: Just clap through it, man. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: You log in sales at ten different times. If you log 'em all at once, you save a lot of time. It's called batching. Jim: That was really good, Darryl. Darryl: Life hacking, man. Andy: There he is! Jim: Andy, you gotta check this out. He just showed me-[gets interrupted by Andy]. Andy: [shushing Jim] Ahhhthathathathathta. Right now I need canned tuna, okay? Darryl, guess which talented individual, who also has a killer singing voice, is related to the First Lady? Darryl: Tracee Ellis Ross. Daughter of the First Lady of Motown, Diana Ross. Andy: It's me! [chuckles] I am related to Michelle Obama. Darryl: What?! Really? Andy: I mean, it's distant, but... Darryl: [chuckles in agreement] Huh ha! That's cool, man. Andy: Right? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Darryl said, "Cool, man." He called me as cool man. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: You know, I really do think it would be worth it to pull over and just take ten minutes to eat. Nellie: Mmmm-the thing is Pam, I'm gonna be eating while I'm driving, so, I might as well get good at it. Pam: Brake lights. Break lights! Break lights! Break lights!!! Nellie: Whhooooo! [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I'm just saying, what does it imply in this country when a white person shares an ancestor with a black person? Phyllis: You think that Andy's family owned slaves? Stanley: Well somebody owned somebody. And I don't think anybody would buy an Andy. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I throat-rip. Erin: Foth aggendak! Dwight: You throat-rip. Erin: Foth aggendi! Dwight: He/she/it throat rips. Erin: Foth aggenda! Dwight: More of a, barbaric growl. Erin: [in a barbaric growl] Forth aggenda! Dwight: Louder! You're shouting it from the back of a horse! Erin: Wah!! Aggenda!! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Pretty crazy about Andy and Michelle Obama, huh? Nellie: [laughs mischievously] Yeeeeahhhh! It's almost unbelievable! Pam: What? Nellie: Well, you know how Andy has been really salting my onions, lately. Pam: Sure. Nellie: Well, when he asked me to look up his ancestry online, I remembered that news story about Michelle Obama having white relatives, and I just knew he would eat that up! Pam: So he's not related to Michelle Obama? Nellie: Pam, I barely know how to turn on my computer. Pam: [laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Nellie's pretty fearless. And I think she might be maybe even almost sort of fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: [whispers] Pam! [she pretends to slam a wrench over the tire service guy's head]. Pam: [laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Well, if there's another explanation, I don't really see what it could possibly be. I-[gets cut by Andy barging into the convo] Andy: What's going on here? I'm related to the first lady, okay? Get over it. [chuckles] I still need weekly status reports from most of you, sooooo, can we get back to work, please? Get back to work! [Mimicks smacking everyone with a whipl]. Oscar: Andy! Andy! No! I would be very polite today. Andy: Why? Is it employee's day or something? I cannot keep track of these BS holidays. Oscar: Your connection. To Michelle Obama has certain... negative connotations. Most likely, your family were-slave owners. Andy: Does anyone else think it's possible that I come from slave owners? [everyone raises their hands.] [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey mom, it's Andy. Give me a call when you get a chance gotta quick question for you, uhhhh no big deal just about America's national shame, thanks, Bye. [Continues] Where were we? Uhhhh, yes. Okay. Your...productivity thing. Darryl: Yes, yes, yes. Andy: Great. Ooo! Spreadsheets! Yum, yum! Darryl: I included some time saving ideas... Andy: Huh huh huh. Look, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I'm a teensy bit distracted right now. Darryl: Look, Andy, even if your ancestors did own slaves, it wouldn't be your fault. This is only weird if you make it weird. Andy: [snaps his fingers] Right on, brotha. Wurddd. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Addor! Dwight: Daraas! Erin: Qazer! Dwight: Daraas! [asks the rest of the office] Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk? [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Hey Erin! Erin: Azem choma! Chomakka-attun! Pete: Oh-okay. Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Oh, still, it must great to have something else going on outside of work. Pam: Yeah-turn signal. It's exciting to be painting again-those are the wipers. So-the-its-just. There you go! Yeah. [chuckles] Yeah, things get so busy with the kids-red light-that it's nice to have that creative outlet-red light! Red light! Red! Red! Nellie: That is brilliant, Pam. I would love to see some of your work. Pam: Well, since we're stopped at a light, uhhh, here is...the mural I did for Angela's baby. Nellie: That's amazing, Pam! Oh, I love the lion in the tuxedo! Pam: Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [to Erin]. Heyyy, has anyone turned in their status reports up here? Erin: Vos! Andy: So, no? You think maybe you could remind people? I'm trying to down play the whole bossy boss thing today. Erin: Because of your slaves. Andy: Not my slaves, my ancestors'. Maybe. Probably not. Erin: Well, if it makes you feel any better, the dothraki word for "slave master", "attafrauk!", is a term of respect. I'm learning how to speak dothraki! Color you impressed? Andy: That you're learning a made-up language from HBO's Game of Thrones? I have a lot going on today...but this was a great nerd-out! Erin: Dwight, you didn't tell me you were teaching me a fake language. Dwight: People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hi guys. Phyllis: Hey boss! I am so thirsty. Could I have a scoop of water? Andy: Yeah. You don't have to ask me. [Phyllis lets out stifled laughter] Andy: Ha ha! Okay. Great. Very funny. I get it. Just because my ancestors happen to be-[ringtone of Dixie plays]. Very funny, Kevin. Changed my ringtone. Very funny. I liked the original song on my ringtone, which, you may remember, was "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes" by Paul Simon, featurinnnngg Lady Smith-African American-Mambazo. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Good. Very good. [cell phone beeping]Oh-no! Here. It's, uh, a text from Andy. "New special proj. Need fam tree for evbody. Really dig up dirt A.S.A.P." And then in parentheses, he wrote out "as soon as possible." Nellie: Mm. Ugh, looks like its pretend-y time again. Write back, "looking for dirt." Pam: Oh, can I help? We could say someone is related to, uhm, Tonya Harding. Nellie: Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding. Pam: Oh-gee-I'm- Nellie: No! I'm just practicing my lyyiiinggg! [whispers] I love it. Pam: Brilliant! Nellie: What should we say about Jim? Pam: Ummm. Oh! I'll say he's related to Richard Nixon. It's an inside joke. He looks really Nixon-y when he wakes up. Nellie: My ex behaved like Nixon. All of the lying. None of the sexual charisma. [pauses] I just made a joke there. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm sorry. It's just, uhm, I actually do have this weird feeling that there's something Jim isn't telling me. Nellie: Oh no! Oh! An affair! It is always an affair! Pam: Jim? No. Nellie: [sighs]. How can you be sure? Pam: Because he just loves me too much. Nellie: You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I've done a little genealogy research of my own. Turn out I'm not the only one with a few skeletons in the ol' family closet. For example, Phyllis's great-great grandmother was responsible for spreading cholera to the United States. Angela: Ew. Andy: Kevin is related to both John Wayne Gacy and John Wayne Bobbitt. Kevin: And John Wayne? Andy: No. Not that I see here. Kevin: Wayne Johnson? The Rock? Andy: You mean Dwayne? And no. What about Jim Halpert? Uh oh! Turns out, distant relative of the reviled, Richard Nixon! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Pam always says I look like Nixon. That's crazy, right? I mean there's nothing there. True-[touches his nose] Oh no. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Dwight's grandfather was a-[is interrupted by Dwight]. Dwight: Was a member of the Bund. Which is not technically the same thing as the Nazi party. So...[clears throat] Andy: I was gonna say he was a tax evader. Dwight: Oh. I was joking about that whole Bund thing. Oh ho, the look on your faces! Hahhahahahahah! Hahahahahah! Andy: And Meredith is a blood relative of Lizzie Borden. Meredith: Cool! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! [mimics stabbing into Angela's throat] Angela: Stop it! Stop it! You're frightening me! Phyllis: Andy, did you call this meeting just to talk junk about our families? Kevin: Yeah, that-you're being really mean, Andy. Dwight: Yeah, Andy. Andy: No, I'm proving a point, okay? We all have ancestors who may have done horrible things in the past. But it's in the past and it's not our fault. So we don't have to talk about it. Oscar: The difference is, Andy, that you're the only be here still benefitting from the terrible things that your ancestors did. Andy: Might've done. And how... do you figure? Oscar: Your family's rich! I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves. Andy: You know, there's nothing wrong with being successful in America, Oscar! I'm not gonna apologize for my family's wealth. That wealth, could one day benefit society...if capital gains are ever taxed as the same rate as earned income. [ringtone of Dixie plays] Okay, Kevin did that. I do not wish I was in Dixie. [answers phone] Hey mom, how are ya? Did any Bernards ever own a plantation in the south? [to the group] She said no! Take that! [gets back on phone] Follow up question. Did any Bernards, ever, make money, in an unsavory way? [speaks quietly into the phone] I just asked you! Why didn't you just say that? [continues speaking quietly] Oh, stop! Stop! Stop talking! Stop taking! That's-no! I don't wanna know that. Ok. You're interrupting a meeting I have to go. Love you. Bye. [faces the group] Well, turns out the Bernard's of yore did not own slaves. Oscar: Really? Andy: We merely transported them. Which at worst, makes us amoral middlemen. [Clark begins to clap but Pete immediately stops him.] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Yo, d-dog. I need your help. I'm trying to think of things I can say that make it sound like I had a more difficult childhood than I actually had. Darryl: You're gonna po' mouth Andy: Exactly. Help me po' mouth, Darryl. Darryl: Actually, Andy, you promised me five minutes to talk about productivity suggestions- Andy: What if I said that my dad beat me. And, I just left out the croquet of it all. Or, I could just go all the way and just say I grew up in an apartment. Or is that too crazy? Darryl: That could work. Andy: You now, Darryl, this is textbook assistant regional manager stuff here, and I feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting. I'm coming up with all the ideas here. Darryl: I'm going for a walk. Andy: [with a sigh] Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Good. Good. And-[Nellie hits the car against the bushes] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You doing alright, man? Darryl: I'm done. I gotta get out of here. Jim: Yeah. Not the easiest day to be assistant regional manager. Darryl: It's not just today, it's everyday. It seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets. Jim: Oh, come on, it can always get better. Right? Darryl: Hmm. Yeah right Jim: No, I'm serious. There's always something better. Darryl: Like what? Jim: Like hypothetically... if I said there was another job. That you and I could both have. Darryl: What kind of job? Jim: Something cool. Like, sports marketing or... that sound something like you'd be into? Darryl: Hell yeah! Jim: Right? Darryl: That sounds awesome! Jim: Ok, but wait. What if I told you that it was in Philly! So you'd have to... Darryl: I love Philly! Jim: Right? Darryl: It's not even a thought- Jim: Not even a thought! It's not even that far away! I could still commute! Exactly. Exactly! Alright! Darryl: What? Wait, wait, wait? So what? This happening? Jim: Oh, it's happening! Let's just keep it between you and me for right now. Darryl: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. For sure. for sure. Man! And Pam's into it? Jim: We, uh, we haven't talked about. But I think that she's-I think she understands... what this is. Darryl: Oh, come on, man. I thought you had something real. Jim: What? No, no, no! Come on! This is real! Darryl: It's not real... until your wife is on board. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: So what did you want to show me? Nellie: That is quite an ugly wall, isn't it? Pam: Yeah. It's really ugly Nellie: Needs something, doesn't it? I'm thinking...a mural. Pam: You mean me? Nellie: Yes! You! You are soo talented! It's going to be my next special project. Hiring Scranton's most dangerous young muralist to paint the warehouse wall. Pam: Oh my god! I love it! Uh, I-Nellie, this is brilliant! [sees Jim] Hey! Jim: Hey! Can I talk you? For a second? Nellie: Anything you have to say to her, you can say to me. She never loved you! Pam: What?! No! I-I got this. [Laughs] Okay? Nellie: [quietly] This is his fault. It is not your fault. I'm gonna find you someone better, and rich. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: And Filipino. But we'll break that to her later. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: [to Darryl] You know what this is all about. Darryl: Yeah. You too, huh? Nellie: Yeah. Go on, spill it. Tell her all the gory details, youuuu sssnake! [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Hey! He deserves this. And he said I could get in on it too. [whispers] Yeah. Nellie: Ohhh, Pam, nooo! Oh, I can't bear to watch this. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I don't know what I was so worried about. I have the best wife in the world. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I still can't believe he didn't tell me. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I was helping Nellie drive-[Stanley interrupts] Stanley: Do not care. [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Fonas chek! Erin: Dothraas! chek! [giggles] Andy: I like that guy. We should hook him up with Meredith. Erin: [in agreement] Hmmm!	Plan: A: Andy; Q: Who brags about being related to Michelle Obama? A: First Lady Michelle Obama; Q: Who is Andy related to? A: Craig Robinson; Q: Who plays Darryl Philbin? A: Assistant Regional Manager; Q: What is Darryl Philbin's job title? A: Dothraki; Q: What language does Dwight try to teach Erin? A: Game of Thrones; Q: What HBO show does Dwight try to teach Erin? A: Andy's educated family; Q: Who does Erin want to impress with her new language skills? A: Nellie; Q: Who tells Pam that Jim may be having an affair? A: bond; Q: What do Nellie and Pam do? A: Jim; Q: Who reveals his plans to move to Philadelphia to Darryl? A: his plans; Q: What does Jim reveal to Darryl about moving to Philadelphia? A: the warehouse; Q: Where does Jim tell Darryl about his plans to move to Philadelphia? Summary: Andy brags about his discovery that he is related to First Lady Michelle Obama . Darryl Philbin ( Craig Robinson ) finds his new job as Assistant Regional Manager difficult. Dwight attempts to teach Erin the Dothraki language from the HBO television series Game of Thrones so that she can impress Andy's educated family. Nellie and Pam bond, and Nellie tells Pam that Jim may be having an affair. Meanwhile, Jim reveals his plans of moving to Philadelphia to Darryl in the warehouse.
Wesley: "Previously on Angel:" Holtz is riding hell for leather through the English countryside in 1764. Angel: "Holtz, we took a lot from you, that's true." Holtz finds his dead wife. Angel stands in the rain holding Connor with Holtz aiming a crossbow at them. Sahjhan: "Now's your chance! Do it! Finish it while you still can. You can't just let him walk away! Not after what you swore to me!" Holtz to Justine: "I want you to go out and find others like you. People who have suffered as we have." Angel give Cordy a roll of money: "Don't come in for a couple of weeks. Take Groo some place nice. You'd like that." Angel to Wes: "What about my son?" Wes: "He has a role to play. - I've located commentaries on the Nyazian text, the prophecies concerning your son." Wes stares down at his notepad: 'The Father will kill The Son.' Gunn and Fred walk into Wes' office to find him asleep at his desk. Gunn: "You got to admire the loyalty. All night here, hitting the books. Logging serious alone-time, delving into the secret mysteries of... - Man, Wesley needs a life." Fred: "I wonder if he found anything new about Connor." Fred reaches for the papers on Wes' desk. Wes: "Don't touch that." Wes' jerks awake and straightens his glasses. Wes: "They're just in a specific order. I'll be lost... (blinks up at Fred and Gunn) What time is it?" Angel: "Time for Wesley to wakey-wakey! Isn't that right Connor?" Angel comes in carrying Connor. Wes gathers his papers together: "I must have lost track of the time. I meant to, ah - go home." Angel: "Road to hell, right?" Gunn: "So, Wes, you find any answers in all these stuffy books of yours?" Angel: "He already knows the answer. He's just looking for the question." Wes: "So, have we heard anything from Cordelia recently?" Angel: "Do you wanna see Connor do something cool? (Angel morphs into vamp face) I'm teaching him how to die!" Wes: "Don't!" Angel buries his fangs in the side of Connor's neck as the baby begins to cry. Wes looks down at his hands, palms down on the open book in front of him. Blood is seeping out from under them, coating the pages. Gunn and Fred smile at Wes. Gunn: "Tick-tock, Wes. (Gunn's voice suddenly gets deep and strange sounding) Running out of time. (Echoing) Running out of time." Wes looks over as Angel straightens up, blood smearing his vamp face, then lifts his hands off the book and stares at his bloody palms. Wes' head come up from the open book he was sleeping on and he glances around the office. Angel walks in, carrying Connor. Angel: "Morning, Wes. You been here all night?" Wes just stares up at Angel. Intro A baby is crying. 1.Woman: "You'd think something was killing him." The camera pulls back to show us two women, each holding a baby sitting in a doctor's waiting room. 1.Woman: "All night long, the screaming and crying." 2.Woman: "Colic is the worst." 1.Woman: "I hold him. I walk him. Nothing seems to work." Angel: "Have you tried the vacuum?" The woman looks over where Angel is waiting with Connor, a slightly disheveled looking Wes sitting beside him. Angel: "Sometimes the white noise from a motor will put a colicky baby right to sleep." 1.Woman: "You know, I've read about that. The problem is my older one - I can't run the vacuum while he's sleeping." Angel: "You could try taping it. The sound. Just leaving playing by the crib kind of low." 1.Woman: "I should have thought of that! (Smiles at Angel) Mr. Dad to the rescue!" Nurse: "Misses Ferguson?" 1.Woman gets up to follow the nurse: "Oh, excuse me." Angel aside to Wes: "Mr. Dad! Check me out! I'm Mr. Dad. (Sees the way Wes looks at Connor) You okay, Wes?" Wes: "Well, just a bit tired, is all." Angel: "Probably good you got out of the office. We haven't seen you for the last couple of days. You've been all holed up with all those (quietly) prophecies and books." Wes: "Yes, I've been working on a - particularly difficult translation." Angel: "Is it about Connor? Anything we have to worry about?" Nurse: "Mr. Angel?" Angel gets up: "We're up, kiddo. (Sees Wes get up) You're coming in?" Wes: "Just in case you forget to ask anything. Always better to have an extra pair of ears, right?" The Doctor is examining Connor as Angel hovers over him. Angel: "It's like a - like a soft gurgle or a wheeze. It might be a wheeze. I heard it last night when I was feeding him. You hear it?" Doctor: "All I hear is a normal, healthy little heart." Angel: "You-you don't understand. I-I got like really good hearing. I mean really good hearing." Doctor: "Well, most first time parents do. You said this wheeze or gurgle happened while you were feeding him?" Angel: "Is that bad? What is it?" Doctor: "In my professional opinion - it's called digestion." Angel: "Oh." Wes: "Doctor. During your exam you didn't notice anything - abnormal about him, did you?" Angel: "Wes! What kind of question is that? (To Doctor) Did you?" Doctor: "No. Your son is just fine." Angel: "So - when will we get the results form the blood test?" Doctor: "In about a week. It's just precaution, really." Angel: "But he's okay. Connor's healthy?" Doctor: "As healthy as a human being can possibly be." Angel to Connor: "Did you hear that? (Shakes the doctors hand) Thank you." Doctor: "No problem." Wes walks to the door and opens it. Angel grinning: "Thanks." Wes: "Angel? (Angel looks over to Wes) You can let go of the doctor now." Angel: "Oh. Right." Angel stops shaking the doctor's hand and gathers up Connor. Angel: "Come on, kiddo. (To Doctor) Thanks." Doctor: "Take care." Angel, carrying Connor, and Wes walk out. The doctor looks down at his hand. Doctor: "And they bitch about my cold hands." The Doctor lays the chart down next to a tube of blood labeled 'Angel, Connor' and leaves the room. The other woman from the waiting room comes in carrying her baby. She takes the tube of Connor's blood and replaces it with another one, looking exactly the same. The door opens and the nurse comes in. Nurse: "There you are! Did you get turned around? You're supposed to be over in exam three." 2.Woman: "Oh. My mistake." Follows the nurse out. Outside shot of the Hyperion during the day. Gunn: "I wanna know how he does it. No last name, no bank account. How are you ordering stuff off the web?" Angel is getting a dagger from the weapons cabinet to open the box sitting next to Gunn on the reception counter. Wes is busy translating. Fred is holding Connor. Fred: "It's not that hard, really. All you have to do is hack into the shipping database, find someone who is ordering what you want, then substitute your information. (Sees Gunn and Angel looking at her) Except that would just be high-tech robbery." Angel: "I memorized Cordelia's credit card numbers." Fred: "Oh. Low-tech robbery." Angel pulls two miniature hockey sticks out of the box and holds them up. Gunn: "Some kind of boomerang vamp stake?" Angel hands one to Gunn: "No! They're itty-bitty hockey sticks!" Angel demonstrates, then pulls a small jersey out of the box and holds it up. It says' Connor 03' on the back. Angel: "Check this out! How cute is this? Huh? Seriously." Gunn: "Seriously, I think you got way too much time on your hands." Fred: "Come on. You think it's adorable." Gunn: "Well, yeah, but at least I'm manly enough to deny it." Angel: "Okay, okay. I admit things have been a little slow since Cordelia and the Groosalug went on vacation." Angel takes the puck out of the box and tosses it to Gunn. Gunn: "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually jonesing for a throw-down with something mean and nasty." Angel is taking a drink from a glass of blood, sitting on the counter. Fred: "Cordelia hasn't called once with a vision. Do they even have phones there?" Gunn drops the puck on the floor and tires out the small hockey stick. Angel: "Maybe they're not near a phone. Come on, it's a vacation! They're not gonna waste it all on a dark hotel room - you know, together, where the food's delivered and there is no reason to go outside. You know, hockey is a great sport." Gunn: "You realize this is the whitest sport known to man?" Angel: "True. But the games are indoors, and they usually play at night. Gunn: "Got you." Angel: "I know it's a little bit too early to be thinking about stuff like this, but I -I can't wait to watch him, you know, grow up. (Takes another sip of blood) For him to lose his first tooth. (Gunn straightens up and watches Angel with a slight smile) Learn how to ride a bike. Ha." Wes un-hunches from his book as Angel's voice drifts into his office. Angel: "I want to help him pick out a tux for his senior prom. I just can't wait to see who he's gonna to be. I know it's mushy, but it's just... He makes me so happy." Gunn bats the puck past Angel and throws up his arms. Gunn: "He shoots, he scores! Ha!" Angel: "Well, sure. Of course, with no defender." Angel picks up the other stick. Gunn: "Ha. Bring it on." Angel: "I think Connor? He's gonna be center, you know?" Gunn: "What you got?" Angel: "Control of the puck." Angel takes the puck around Gunn. Angel: "Yeah. Ditching the left wing." Gunn: "Come on." Angel: "Taking it all the way to the crease..." Angel shoots. The puck flies and shatters the glass of the door leading out into the garden court. Wes looks up at the sound of the breaking glass. Angel, holding up his hockey stick: "Yeah, you know, these - this isn't regulation size." Aubrey: "Excuse me. Is this Angel Investigations?" They turn to see a woman with short, dark hair standing in the lobby. Aubrey: "I need your help." Fred is putting Connor into the bassinet. Aubrey: "Last Monday night, my son Timothy snuck out of the house. He loved to go to the pier. He loved the lights of the Ferris wheel there. (Angel looks down at Connor) So I went after him. I searched the pier, the arcade - nothing. So - I sat up all night and waited for him to come home." Angel: "When did he return home? Right before dawn?" Aubrey: "Yeah. But his face was... There was something wrong with his face - and - he was so angry. He was calling me names, and pounding on the door, and screaming at me to let him in. - It scared me. I was afraid of my own son. - Then he just - went up in flames." Everyone is quiet for a moment. Wes: "If you'd let him in - he would have killed you." Aubrey: "At least he'd still be alive." Gunn: "No. What came to your door that wasn't your son. It looked like your son, but it wasn't him." Aubrey: "Maybe I could have found a way to turn him back." Angel: "When somebody becomes a vampire there is no turning back. (Wes looks over at Angel) No matter how much you want to believe there is some part of him you can save, all that's left is an evil thing." Wes looks down at his hands, then back at Aubrey. Wes: "You say your son went to the pier that night? (Aubrey nods) Gunn, why don't you do a little recon while it's still light out." Gunn: "I can just gear up and take care of it." Wes: "No. If there is a nest at the pier, we go as a group. Strictly reconnaissance." Gunn: "Okay. Fred and I will check it out." Aubrey: "If I could have found that thing myself, I would have killed it with my bare hands. - It made me afraid of my own little boy. (Angel looks down at Connor) I don't understand any of this. I don't know what to do." Smash cut to Aubrey reporting to a group of people ranged around a seated Holtz. Aubrey: "Wesley Wyndham-Pryce heads the staff at Angel Investigations. Doles out assignments, specializes in reference and research." Aubrey moves from a picture of Wes to one of Fred. Aubrey: "This woman nicknamed Fred appears to be the resident science expert. It's unclear whether she is a fighter. Finally, Charles Gunn: big, very strong, could be a formidable opponent. Though he seems to be a bit impulsive. We may be able to use that in the future." Holtz gets up: "Good work, Aubrey." Aubrey smiles: "Thanks, boss." Break We get an outside shot of an older mansion by day. In a darkened room, two men with quarterstaffs fight against a chained vampire. Justine sits to one side, looking at the pictures of Angel, Wes, Gunn, and Fred pinned up on a board. Justine: "I don't understand. How can these people work for a vampire." Holtz: "I once made a pact with a demon." Justine: "So you could get to Angelus. So you could kill a vampire." Holtz: "I'm sure they believe their reasons are good, how ever misguided. Things aren't always black and white, Justine, good and evil." Justine: "What about Angelus?" Holtz: "He is evil." Justine sees the vampire attacking the two men as the anchor of its chains come loose. While Holtz sits back and watches, Justine jumps up and engages the freed vamp. After a short fight, she manages to knock it to the floor. She turns to take a sword from a stand and rams it through the vampire's torso, pinning it to the floor. Justine: "Chains would be good now." Some men chain the vampire back up. Justine pulls the sword free, steps back, and looks at Holtz. Holtz: "I knew you were meant for this. (Turns back to the papers on the table) We need to get moving. Events are happening even quicker than I could have hoped." Sahjhan: "Thank god. I was starting to get bored." Holtz turns as Sahjhan materializes out of a shivering air behind him. Justine swings the sword around to decapitate Sahjhan, but it just goes right through him. Sahjhan: "You know, my barber has the same problem with his scissors - hence the bad haircut. (Justine looks from Sahjhan to Holtz) Love the whole chained, un-dead look you got going on. Really sets off your fern." Holtz: "You can stand down, Justine. It's only Sahjhan." Sahjhan: "Only Sahjhan? See that's the trouble with you, Holtz. If you'd only done what you... (Looks at Justine) Can we have a little privacy here?" Justine looks to Holtz. Holtz: "No." Sahjhan: "Fine. You owe me a dead vampire." Holtz: "Yes. Well, how shall I put this? What are you going to do about it? - Nothing. That's what you'll do. That's all you can do - or else you wouldn't have brought me here in the first place. (Holtz turns back to the table) You've done your part, Sahjhan. Now let me do mine." Sahjhan: "What is your part? Recruiting a bunch of paramilitary moonie freaks, who run around playing Candid Camera with Angel's buddies? That's crap. Admit it. You're a coward - and I bet Caroline would agree. You remember her, don't you? Your dead wife? Mother of your dead kids? How'd they die? Who swore revenge? - Any of this ringing a bell?" Holtz after a beat: "Get out." Sahjhan: "Or what? You can't kill me." Holtz turns to face Sahjhan: "But I can trap your dimensional essence in a Resikhian Urn. Wonderful devices the urns. They last a lifetime. That is, if you live forever." Sahjhan: "This isn't over, Holtz" Sahjhan shivers back out of existence. Wes: "I know it's dangerous. I don't care. - You're a wizard." Wes is on the phone at his desk looking down on "The Father will kill The Son" on his notepad. Wes: "Because it's the right thing to do. - Then because I'm paying you an obscene amount of money. Just do it, and call me back." Wes hangs up the phone. Fred bounces in the door, smiling. Fred: "Hey. Wes?" Wes: "What is it?" Fred's smile melts away: "I'm sorry. You're busy. I'll come back." Wes, more quietly: "What can I do for you?" Fred: "Nothing. Uhm, - I just wanted to compliment you, that's all. You were really there for that woman, Aubrey, who lost her kid at the pier." Wes shuffles a bit, and gives her a small smile: "Thank you." Fred: "And working so hard, staring at all those books. And as a book-starer myself I know how crazy making that can be. You should get out of here for a while. Go for a walk. You deserve it." Wes looks away. A big grin spreads over Fred's face. Fred: "I was thinking: maybe you could call Aubrey. (Wes looks at her) She is real attractive and her paperwork says she's single. She probably needs a friend." Wes, looking down: "Fred - we're not here to date. - We're here to do a job. (Fred's grin disappears) Now why don't you go to the pier and do your job." Fred looks at Wes for a moment then turns and quietly walks out of his office. Lilah is on the phone in her office. Lilah: "Is everything alright? Are they taking care of you? - No, mom, this is Lilah. You called Lilah. Do you need anything? Do you need money? - No - mom, I can't come over. I'm in Los Angeles. You know that. - Don't cry. Mom, please, stop it." Lilah looks up as the air in front of her desk shivers and Sahjhan appears. Lilah: "I'm gonna have to call you back." Lilah hangs up the phone. Lilah: "You don't have an appointment." Sahjhan: "That's it? No 'wow, how did he do that?' No screaming in terror? You twenty first century types are so jaded." Lilah: "You're Sahjhan, aren't you? I may be jaded, but I do my homework. And there's a girl downstairs, she's got records on everything that ever happened. (Sits back) My company rocks." Sahjhan: "Yes. I'm familiar with your firm - in this and other dimensions." Lilah: "Great. Let's shorthand. You're a time-shifter. You recruited Holtz in the eighteenth's century, put him on ice for a couple hundred years, so he could pop up and stake Angel when he's least expecting it. And considering that I have yet to put on my boogie-shoes and dance on Angel's pile of dust, I'm imagining that Holtz isn't working fast enough for you. Which leads me to believe, you think my firm can expedite the process." Sahjhan: "More or less." Lilah: "I hate to disappoint you, but Wolfram and Hart's official policy is to let Angel live until he becomes useful. (Lilah is scribbling on the notepad on her desk) I'm sworn to obey that policy." Lilah holds up the notepad so Sahjhan sees that she has 'count me in' written on it. Lilah: "Is there some other way I can help you?" Sahjhan looks around the office and clears his throat, then leans in a little closer. Sahjhan: "I have a plan. But for it to work, I require a very rare and valuable ingredient. Getting it will be difficult, if not impossible. - I need the blood of Angel's son." Lilah: "Got it." Sahjhan: "Got it? What do you mean 'got it?' How'd you get it?" Lilah: "I swiped it from his doctor's office. I don't know what good it'll do you though. Boys in the lab looked it over, said it was utterly run-of-the-mill. Completely normal." Sahjhan: "That's because they're looking for the wrong thing." The camera pans across sunny LA, then zooms in on the pier. Fred: "So I'm looking for anything suspicious. Like small dark places where somebody could get grabbed, or any blacked out cars or vans, or pale, bumpy people with sharp teeth." Gunn: "I don't think we got to worry about seeing any actual vamps, Fred. The sun's still kinda up in the sky." Fred: "Even so, as professionals shouldn't we always be aware of our surroundings?" Gunn grins: "Hey, ring toss! You want me be all macho and win you a prize?" Fred: "Charles..." Gunn: "Alright. You can be the macho one." Gunn takes a hold of Fred's arm and pulls her over to the booth. Gunn: "Oh! Look at that stuffed little bunny up there! Think you could win it for me?" Fred: "This is so wrong." Gunn: "You're right. I don't want the bunny." Fred: "We're supposed to be working." Gunn: "No, we're supposed to be doing some bogus, half-assed recon. That's different then working." Fred: "Still. It's our job." Gunn: "Actually, this was my job. Wes never said to bring you along. Probably wanted me out and about so he could chat up my girl." Fred: "Wesley wouldn't do that. - I'm your girl?" Gunn smiles at her. Fred: "Wes knows about us and you knew he knew and you didn't let me know?" Gunn: "Come on. You know he was interested in you. And now he knows we're seeing each other, so what?" Fred: "So, he's our boss, and I don't think he likes the idea of us dating while we're working together." Gunn: "He said something to you, didn't he?" Fred just looks at him and Gunn lets out a sigh. Gunn: "Well, you-you-you got my back, right? You stood up to him and said we're two adults and what we do with our personal lives is none of his business, right?" Fred nods: "You bet I, uh - didn't. Charles, I like you and I wanna keep liking you." Gunn takes a step closer: "Then do!" Fred: "Maybe when we're out like this we should - we should just work." Gunn: "No. Can't do it that way. Maybe I'm greedy, but I want it all: the great girl and the great job. I don't care what Wesley says, but I'm not giving up either without a fight. (Crouches down so his face is level with Fred's) How about you?" Fred shakes her head, her face breaking into a big grin. Gunn: "Good. (He leans down and gives her a kiss) Now, how about we go looking for some vampires?" Fred smiles up at him. Gunn wraps an arm around her shoulders and the two of them walk off. Angel is crouched in front of Connor's bassinet, holding a stuffed animal with a rattle inside, playing with Connor. Angel: "Look at what's coming at you. Woosh!" Wes walks up behind him: "I have to leave the office for a moment." Angel: "Wes, what's going on?" Angel picks up the glass of blood sitting on Wes' desk and takes a sip. Angel: "You've been on edge for days. Talk to me." Wes: "I just wanna make sure everything's okay." Angel: "You mean with Connor." Wes nods. Angel turns back to cooing at Connor: "You didn't mean to give Uncle Wesley such a headache now, did you?" Wes: "I won't be long." Angel, still smiling at Connor: "Give us a smile. (Connor smiles) Yeah!" Wes turns to leave. Angel: "Hey, Wes." Wes turns back, and their eyes meet. Angel: "Thanks. You're a good friend." Wes leaves as Angel goes back to playing with Connor. Angel: "Here's the monkey. Yay-yay-yay!" Fred and Gunn walk through the dark and deserted pier. Fred: "We should be getting back." Gunn: "Hang on. - I'm getting a tingle." Fred: "Ah - I thought we were gonna try to keep that out of the workplace." Gunn: "Not that kinda tingle." Fred, looking around: "Oh. - I don't see anything suspicious - except for that guy trying to break into that building over there." Gunn: "Carousel closed hours ago." Gunn and Fred enter the dark building housing the carousel. Fred spots a figure climbing the middle column of the carousel. Fred: "Is that a vampire?" Gunn pulls out a stake: "One way to find out." Fred: "Charles, what are you doing?" Gunn: "My job. I didn't spend all day walking the pier just to go home and file a report with Wesley. Let's finish this now." Fred: "We're not supposed be doing this." The carousel begins to turn silently (no music). A door in the middle column opens and a growling vampire steps out between the turning figures. Behind Gunn and Fred another vampire drops from the ceiling, and a third comes up from the other side. Gunn and Fred exchange a look. Break [SCENE_BREAK] Justine and another man are watching it all from an opening up in one wall of the building. Justine is also recording it all on a video camera. Gunn: "When I say go, run!" Gunn engages two of the vampires, tricking the third to take down one of his own fellow vampires by ducking out from under his attack. Gunn to Fred: "Get out of here!" Fred: "But..." Gunn: "Go!" Fred runs out, and Gunn turns back to the fight. Man: "They're gonna kill him." Justine: "Maybe." One of the vampires has Gunn down on the ground. Gunn hits it across the chin, then catapults it off over his head. It flies into the wooden railing surrounding the carousel, breaking it. Gunn picks up his dropped stake and runs after it, plunging the stake home. But even as the first vampire turns to dust, another one throws him across the room. Gunn's stake skitters across the floor as he loses his grip on it. As the man watches, Gunn picks himself back up to resume the fight. After a few blows the vampire grabs him by the throat and lifts Gunn clear off the ground. Man: "Shouldn't we do some..." Justine: "No. That's no why we're here." Fred comes back in just as the second vampire comes up behind Gunn. Fred: "Behind you!" Fred tosses Gunn one of the broken spokes of the wooden railing and tosses it to Gunn, while picking up another for herself. Gunn catches it and stakes the vampire coming up behind him, while Fred dusts the one holding him. Justine: "Well, what do you know?" Justine and the man leave. Gunn, gasping: "Fred - why are you still here?" Fred: "I got your back! - Well, actually I got his back." Fred smiles at Gunn. Gunn: "Thanks." Gunn pulls Fred close and kisses her, then wraps her into a tight hug. They just stand there holding each other as the carousel turns silently beside them. Wes is walking through some bushes looking down at an electronic compass. Wes: "Thirty four degrees twelve minutes north. One eighteen, twenty one, West." The compass lets out a soft chime. Wes: "This (looks up from it) - must be it." Wes is standing in front of a giant hamburger face with arms and legs and an 'order here' speaker for a nose, outside of a fast food place. Wes takes quick look around. The lights in the place go out and two guys walk out. Wes: "You're supposed to be a statue. I guess you are (Wes throws a look at the two guys as they start to laugh) sort of." The two guys walk off and Wes pulls out a small leather bag. Wes: "If this doesn't work, I'm gonna kill that wizard." Wes sprinkles the powder in the bag over the hamburger statue, then holds his hand up, palms out, in front of him. Wes: "Mange sec Loa, alegba, accept this offering - and open the gates of truth." A red light flashes and the hamburger comes to life, growing bigger in front of Wes' eyes. Its eyes begin to glow red. Loa: "How dare you call on the Loa?!" Wes: "I-I - I come in supplication, oh great one, begging for answers to questions only your power can reveal." Loa: "You have answers, human. You search now, only for the question." Wes: "Is it true? Will Angel really kill his son as it says in the prophecies?" Loa: "That the vampire will devour his child is certain. The dark question you harbor is only 'when.'" Wes: "No. - The dark question I harbor is 'how do I stop it?'" Loa: "It can not be stopped." Wes: "It has to be stopped! (The Loa growls) There must be a way..." Red lighting flashes from the Loa's eyes into Wesley, knocking him to the ground. Loa: "Your insolence is displeasing." Wes picking himself back up: "You try chatting with a cranky hamburger." Loa: "You risk your life, human, calling on the Loa. Perhaps what you really seek is death. The pain in your heart begs for it." Wes: "Then do it and be done. Nothing else will stop me." Loa: "Simple mortal, your pain is just beginning. Betrayal and agony lie in wait, and time - is running out, yet still you ignore the question." Wes: "Alright then, when? When will this happen?" Loa: "The first portent will shake the earth. The second will burn the air. The last will turn the sky to blood." Wes: "An earthquake? That's the first portent? We live California!" Loa: "Earthquake, fire, blood. Be heedful of the signs, human, and trouble the Loa no more." With that the hamburger shrinks down in size and turns back into a lifeless statue. Lilah is sitting at a bar. Lilah: "I need a drink. Scotch, thirty-year-old, two ice cubes." Bartender: "Certainly." A guy sits down in the chair beside her and Lilah smiles at him. Lilah: "Not on your best day. Bye." The guy gets back up and moves further down the bar, sitting down next to another girl. The bartender hands Lilah her drink and she takes a sip. Sahjhan drops down into the chair next to Lilah. Sahjhan: "Sorry I'm late. Kind of ironic, my being a time-shifter and all." Lilah: "It's on." Sahjhan: "It's on?" Lilah: "Our plan? The Angel plan? On. I outsourced the labor, buried the cost. We shouldn't have any problems with the firm. Good seeing you." Lilah finishes her drink and gets up. Sahjhan: "Okay, but lets skip the small talk and get right down to business. I just time skipped a hundred thirty-three years for this meeting. Would a little conversation kill you?" Lilah smiles: "Right. Because we're on a date? The only reason I met you here was so we could talk freely." Sahjhan: "So, lets talk freely. Would it impress you if I told you I invented daylight savings time?" Lilah: "Why do you want Angel dead? That's the only thing I couldn't find in the archives." Sahjhan: "Boy. All work and no play. (Turns away from her) I have my reasons." Lilah: "Hmm." Sahjhan: "How about you? Died in the wool company gal? Why risk it all to kill Angel?" Lilah: "We have our history." Sahjhan: "Well - same here." Lilah: "Are you afraid of him?" Sahjhan: "Nah!" Lilah: "Then what are you afraid of? - You may be insubstantial but - I can still smell the fear." Sahjhan: "Wow. Where does the time go? (Gets up) So, when does this plan go into effect?" Lilah: "It's already started." Hyperion day, Wes is sitting in a chair by Cordy's desk, staring at Connor in his bassinet. He looks up when someone knocks on the counter and sees Aubrey standing there. Aubrey: "Hi. Sorry to interrupt your staring. You looked really into it." Wes, getting up: "Aubrey. I didn't hear you come in. - Please." Wes indicates his office and Aubrey walks over to meet him in there. She takes his hand and shakes it. Aubrey: "I got your message that everything was taken care of. I - can't tell you how grateful I am to you. (Hands him a check) It might have been to late for Timothy, but - at least those monster will never get a chance to take someone else's son." Wes walks around his desk: "Monsters. - I don't recall mentioning that there were more than one." Aubrey: "Well, you did say before that there could be a nest." Wes: "Oh. (Puts the check into a desk drawer) Well, thanks for the check. We'll mail you the receipt." Aubrey: "Look, I know it's none of my business, but - are you okay? I mean, no offense, but you look a little rough around the edges." Wes: "I'm not sleeping very well." Aubrey: "Would you like to go out? Maybe get a cup of coffee or something?" Wes: "You mean - with you?" Aubrey: "To be perfectly honest with you - I could use a friend right now. Ever since my son was... - It gets lonely." Wes: "You're good. - I like the - 'lonely' thing." Aubrey: "Wh-what?" Angel: "Yeah, lonely. That was a nice touch." Aubrey spins around to see Angel standing behind her. Her hand dives into her purse and comes out with a stake. Angel catches her upraised arm and sends her stumbling to the side, making her drop the stake, then follows her, wrapping one hand around Aubrey's throat. Angel to Wes: "Moves more like a fighter than a victim, wouldn't you say?" Wes: "Yes, I would." Angel: "You set up my friends. Let them walk right into an ambush. They could have been killed." Aubrey: "But they weren't. Your friends are still alive. My little boy isn't." Angel lets go of her and takes a step back. Angel: "I'm sorry about your son." Wes: "Is that how Holtz found you? Because of what happened to your son?" Aubrey just looks from Wes to Angel. Angel: "You're right to protect him. Holtz is one of the good guys. He has every right to hate me. And if he ever - comes close to one of my people ever again, or tries to touch a hair on my son's head - I'll kill him - and anyone who gets in the way. You might wanna mention that." Aubrey takes on last look at Angel and runs out. Angel turns to look at Wesley. The book on Wes' desk starts to rattle as the whole hotel begins to shake from a minor earthquake. Angel's hurries out of Wes' office, but by the time he gets to Connor, everything is stable again. Angel: "Hey. (Picks Connor up) Good boy. That's my little guy. Your first earthquake, huh?" The video recording Justine made earlier is playing on a TV screen. Fred: "Behind you!" Holtz pauses it as Fred tosses the wooden spike to Gunn. Holtz: "This tiny girl, outsized, outmatched, outnumbered - and she survived. (Turns to his group) Why? - Because she was willing not to. She was prepared to die for the cause rather than abandon her comrade. We, too, must be willing to die - but more so. Study this carefully. You'll be fighting these two very soon. (Hears footsteps) Perhaps sooner than I expected." Holtz, together with everyone else, turns to look at Aubrey. Holtz: "They found you out." Aubrey: "I am sorry." Holtz: "It's not important. Of course I am rather annoyed you allowed yourself to be followed." Wes: "Don't blame her." Aubrey and the others spin around to see Wesley standing in the doorway behind them. Wes: "I would have found you eventually." Break One of Holtz followers draws a knife and stalks closer to Wes. Follower: "Maybe we should cut out his tongue - send a message to Angelus." Wes: "Maybe." Wes hauls back and hits the man, dropping him to the ground. Holtz raises a hand to stop others from attacking Wes. Wes: "Or perhaps you could lie on the floor and gag for a while. (Glances around at the rest of the group) I didn't come here to fight. I'm not your enemy. - But then I've noticed you do have trouble making that distinction. You're fighting the wrong man." Holtz: "Angelus." Wes: "No. Angel. He's not Angelus anymore. He's a good man." Holtz: "He's not even a man." Wes: "Nevertheless - he has a soul now." Holtz: "Yes. That he might know the pain that he has inflicted on his countless victims. A brilliant curse, I must admit. Gypsies do have a knack for creative vengeance. Where they fail, however is in the execution of justice. And that I will have." Wes: "If it's a sacrifice you require, take me. Angel's no more responsible for the crimes of Angelus than I am." Holtz: "Really?" Wes: "Yes." Holtz: "And was it your hands that held down my beloved Caroline as she was violated and murdered? That wrapped themselves around my son's neck and snapped it like kindling? Where yours hands that clutched at my daughter as she was turned into a creature damned for all eternity? - Angelus is in his nature. The beast will re-emerge. You've seen it. You know it. And that is why you are here. - You're afraid he's going to kill the child. - (Wes looks from Holtz to Aubrey) - And you're right." Wes: "Your infiltration was more successful than I'd realized." Holtz: "I don't need prophecies to tell me what is plain. So long as the child remains with the demon, it's not safe." Wes sticks his hands into his pockets: "Well, I must have misunderstood. - Here I thought it was a simple blood vendetta, when - what you really want is to protect Angel's son." Holtz: "You don't believe me." Wes: "Hmm. Not sure really. Could be the low scary voice that's giving me trouble." Holtz' followers look from Wes to Holtz. Holtz: "It's time to make a decision, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce. My army is strong and will only increase in number. Fight against us - and this war will become a bloodbath." Wes: "This isn't war. It's revenge." Justine: "What's wrong with revenge? It's all some of us have left." Wes: "Look. I can't know what it's been like for any of you." Holtz: "You might soon enough." Wes just looks at Holtz. Holtz: "When I put my son's body into the ground, I had to open the coffin, just to know that he really was in there. You also may discover - that a child's coffin, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce - it weighs nothing." Wes stands there, not saying a word. Fred and Gunn are sitting in the diner. Fred: "You barely touched your food. (Gunn looks up at her) You feeling okay?" Gunn: "Yeah. Yeah. (Gunn puts down his fork) Look. I've been thinking a lot about yesterday. I'm not really mad at Wes." Fred: "You were right though, right? I should have stood up to him." Gunn: "But I understand his position. He's the boss and we got to respect that. His job is to keep things tight and - that's a lot of pressure." Fred: "You aren't changing your mind, are you? - I mean, about - the wanting it all? - As long as we're not smooching on the job, or, you know, being sucked underground by a plant demon. (Gunn laughs a little) I say, why not go for it?" Gunn: "What if we can't manage it all? The job, the romance... Emotions are tricky. They can cloud our judgement, you know, like at the carousel last night. What if it doesn't work?" Fred quietly: "So we're back to that? - What if Wesley makes us choose?" Gunn sits back and sighs. Gunn: "I've been fighting vamps and demons since I was a kid. That sense of doing good - of waking up in the morning and making the world safer - better... I've always had that." Fred looks down. A slow smile spreads across Gunn's face as he looks at her. Gunn: "But I never had a Fred before." Fred slowly raises her head and looks at him. Gunn leans forward. Gunn: "If we have to - I choose you. - I came on too strong, didn't I?" Fred looks at him, starts to smile. Fred: "No. - You came on just right." Gunn steals a fry off Fred's plate. Gunn: "Look. Lets try not to worry too much. Wesley is a good man." We see Wes walk down the upstairs hallway in the Hyperion. Gunn voice over: "He'll do the right thing. He always does." Wes stops in front of Angel's door. Angel is carrying Connor to his crib as he hears a knock on the door. Angel: "Come on in." Angel lays a fussy Connor down into the crib. Angel: "It's okay. Shh. I'll get you some food. You're hungry, aren't you? (To Wes as he walks over to the kitchenette) Have a nice walk? (Lights the gas stove) How're you doing? - Really?" Wes after a beat: "I've had better days." Angel sets a bottle into a pot of water on the stove. Angel: "I know the feeling. (Turns to look at Wes) I figured it out." Angel goes to sit in a chair beside his bed and starts to fold Connor's laundry as Wes stares at him. Angel: "How I really knew about Aubrey. - All that pain, that rage... the only way she could deal was to join Holtz, take her revenge. - You know how I knew that?" Wes walks over to him. Wes: "Because you would have done the same." Wes sits down on the edge of the bed. Angel: "It scares me. - You know? - If anything like that ever happened to Connor, I don't know what I'd... (Angel looks down at the laundry he's holding) I love my son." Wes: "Love can be a terrible thing." Angel: "I used to think that. I thought love was - something that swallowed you whole, ripped you up inside, but, you know, what I feel for Connor, even that fear... - Wes, it's - it's not terrible. (Sighs and looks down) It's beautiful." Wes looks at Angel. Looks down and begins to laugh quietly. Looks back up at Angel, grinning. Angel smiles back: "What's so funny?" Angel gets up and goes to check on the bottle. Wes: "Life. Life is funny. Listening to stupid people talking to hamburgers is funny. Worrying about things that will never... - It's all so incredibly funny and - and beautiful." Angel is drying off the bottle as a second, harder earthquake hits. Pots and pans fall out of the cupboards. Lilah is looking around her shaking office a smile on her face. Justine is standing in Holtz mansion, legs braced against the shaking. Holtz turns and looks at her. The lit stove in Angel's suite topples over. A huge column of flame shoots out, throwing Angel across the room. A burning beam drops from the ceiling between Wes and Angel. Holtz tackles Justine out of the way of a shelf as it come crashing down. Justine looks up into Holtz face as he is lying on top of her. Angel runs to Connor's crib and gathers his son up in the sky-colored blanket he is lying on. Angel: "Come on, kid." Angel, holding Connor, jumps over the burning girder and heads for the door. Looking over, Angel sees that Wes is just standing there, staring into the flames. Angel: "Wesley, get out!" Angel grabs a hold of Wes and tosses him out into the hallway before hurrying after him. Angel, bleeding from a cut on his forehead, looks back into his apartment as another chunk of ceiling crashes down where Wes had been standing. Wes, coughing, sits up against the wall. Angel to Connor: "It's okay. It's okay. It's alright." Wesley looks at the blood from Angel's head wound dripping down onto Connor's blanket. A light blue blanket with fluffy white clouds on it. Wes: "Earthquake. Fire. Blood." Angel, breathing hard: "I thought we were gonna be trapped in there, huh? (Looks down at the bloodied blanket, then smiles at Wes) At least I would have had something to snack on." Off of the look on Wes' face.	Plan: A: Wes; Q: Who tries to disprove the prophecy? A: Wesley; Q: Who is terrified after translating the prophecy? A: The father; Q: Who will kill the son? A: Connor; Q: Who does Angel say will die? A: a vampire nest; Q: What do Gunn and Fred investigate? A: his plans; Q: What does Holtz amp up for vengeance? A: all signs; Q: What seems to point to disaster? Summary: After translating the prophecy, Wesley is terrified. It says, "The father will kill the son," meaning Angel will kill Connor. Meanwhile, Gunn and Fred investigate a vampire nest, while Holtz amps up his plans for vengeance. Wes tries to disprove the prophecy, but all signs seem to point to disaster.
Piper: No, they-the cocktail napkins were delivered here for some insane reason, ok? So be outside in 20 minutes. I'm gonna do a drive-by, all right? [Sigh] Please let me have my keys! Billie: They're on the counter. Um, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Piper: That's ok. I'm just a little frazzled. I've gotta check on Chris, and then I gotta get to the store, and then I gotta go and pick up Wyatt early and make cookies for his Valentine's Day party, and then I gotta take these to p-3. [Sighs] All of which pales in comparison to what you're going through. Billie: No, you know, life goes on. I'm just happy to have Christy back, I guess. Piper: But...? Billie: But she hasn't even said anything. I mean, I-I told her I wanted to call Mom and Dad, and closed up even more. Piper: Well, you know, it's only been a couple days. Billie: I know, but what if I never get through to her? Piper: You will. I mean, you just have to be patient. She's been through something none of us can even imagine, so, I mean, the only thing you can really do is just be there for her. And if you need anything we are just a call or an orb away, ok? Sayonara. [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: Knock knock. Hey, I brought you some breakfast. Christy? Christy. Christy? Christy, it's ok. You're safe now. You're gonna be ok. Christy: [Sniffling] They're coming. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: Well, I guess we figured, you know, they'd try to get Christy back sooner or later. Phoebe: Yeah, I just wish it was later rather than sooner. Give the girl time to heal. Paige: I just wish we knew who they were, and why they're coming. Phoebe: And why they want her back. Billie: Well, it doesn't matter because they won't be getting her back. Phoebe: That's why we're here, sweetie. How is she? Billie: Very scared. Paige: Well, has she said anything? You know, who these demons might be, when they're coming? Billie: No, nothing. Paige: Ok, well, we need to try to come up with some sort of game plan, don't you think? Billie: Yeah, but we don't know anything. I mean, we don't know where they've been keeping her this whole time. Phoebe: Which is why we have to find out what she knows, get her to open up. Billie: I just think it's too much for her right now. Phoebe: Look, if they held her captive for 15 years, she must know something, at least be able to I.D. them. Billie: I just don't want to pressure her right now. Paige: Well, sweetheart, she's already under pressure because she knows that they're coming. Phoebe: Do you think they're contacting her? Paige: Well, maybe. Then again, maybe she's got some sort of telepathic thing going on. It would actually kind of figure that she'd have powers, right? I mean, maybe that could be why they wanted her in the first place. Phoebe: And why they want her back. You have to talk to her. Billie: I just don't think she's ready for that. Phoebe: Look, if it's coming from you, she'll be ok. She's your sister. There's no stronger bond than that. Trust us. Billie: Uhh, all right. I'll try. Phoebe: Ok, I'm gonna whip up a quick potion, and you go to the book and make a list of all the telepathic demons, ok? Paige: Oh, you're in a hurry. Phoebe: Yeah, well, I got a new condo to enjoy. Paige: Lamp! Simon: [English accent] Excuse me, but I don't think you recognize my entrance. Fear not, ladies. I'm one of the good guys. The best, actually, so... oh, yes, the legendary manor where generations of Halliwells have blossomed into witches. Paige: Who are you, and what do you want? Simon: Of course. Ladies, I am Simon Theotus Reginald Marx, and I'm here to take Paige Matthews as my wife. [SCENE_BREAK] Scather guard: Aah! [Groans] Dreylock: We've been at this for 2 days. If you want your suffering to end, you will tell me who took the witch. Scather guard: I don't know. I swear! Dreylock: Come on. You were in on it. Why else would you leave your post? Scather guard: I told you. I was called away. Please, you've gotta believe me! Dreylock: Do you think they'll believe you? they, who could decimate our entire clan on a whim? They chose us to watch over her, to break her down, and in return, we'd share in the ultimate power for which she is the key. If we don't get her back, we're all dead. Scather demon: I've questioned all of the scathers. No one called him away. Dreylock: Last chance. Who are you working for? Scather demon: He may not even know. He may have been tricked perhaps, telepathically. The witch has answered to unseen voices before. We've seen it. Dreylock: If so, he's a liability. He's been breached. Scather guard: Aah! Dreylock: Gather the witch's things. We'll find her another way. Scather demon: We cannot use dark magic. They may sense it. They'll know something has gone wrong. We cannot risk it. Dreylock: We have to risk it! We must find out who took the witch if we are to survive. [SCENE_BREAK] Simon: I know all about The Charmed Ones. I, uh...I grew up on the stories of the Warren line of witches. Grams and her many, many lovers, and, or course, Patricia's trysts with her whitelighter. Goodness, you're a randy bunch. Paige: Is there some sort of magical Enquirer I've not heard of? Phoebe: Wow! Our families worked together during the Salem witch trials? That is so cool. Well, you know, I'm just sayin', he checks out. Simon: Well, you know, I am a descendant of the mighty Marx, which is a very powerful, very noble line of witches. To be honest with you, I'm a little surprised you don't know who I am, but, oh, my goodness, you're fetching. Phoebe: Oh, that's so sweet. [Laughing] Simon: But you're not half whitelighter, which is a requisite for my future mate, so sorry to disappoint you. But you, on the other hand-- Paige: Uh, did you just say "future mate"? Simon: No, no, that was-- that was-- it came out wrong. Apologies. Paige: Ok, here's the deal. We're actually super, super busy it'd be fabulous if you could just orb yourself off now. Simon: Well, I'll ignore that. But, Paige, I'm not leaving without you. After all, we are destined to be wed. Phoebe: Ok, who says? Simon: Well, only 40 of the most powerful oracles and soothsayers from around the globe, plus a wizard or two, so... Phoebe: Oh. Simon: When you think about it, Paige, it makes all the sense in the world, bringing our 2 magical lines together. We would be the ultimate power couple. Paige: Ok, uh, we're not gonna be bringing our lines or bringing anything together for that matter, ok? Simon: Why not? Paige: Because I don't want to! And because I have a boyfriend. Simon: A boyfriend? Hmm, I see. And who is he? A witch? A whitelighter? Paige: His name is Henry, and he is a parole officer by trade and he is a mortal. Simon: Ooh! An immortal no less. Very impressive. Paige: No! Not immortal. A mortal, as in non-magical? Simon: Oh. Well, what would you expect? That makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Having a...having a mortal around whilst you're fighting evil is, well, let's face it, irresponsible. Paige: Ok, uh, you need to go now. Unless you want to stay and help us vanquish some demons. Simon: Of course, ma'am. Having a powerful witch around like myself can only be an asset. Tell me, how does Harry fare in a magical battle? Paige: Hen-ry! And he fares just fine in whatever he wants to fare in. Simon: I'll be honest with you. I'm a little surprised you're not taking to this. You know, me? I mean, imagine, if you will, the evil we could vanquish as a couple. Paige: We are not now, nor will we ever be, a couple! Simon: Well, that did not go too well. Piper! [SCENE_BREAK] Simon: May I be of some assistance? Bags. Piper: Are you crazy? What if somebody saw that? Simon: Well, what if somebody were to see you shopping, a witch of your standing? No, no. After all, there are people for things like that. Piper: Heh. Who are you? Simon: I am Simon Theotus Reginald Marx. Of the Marx line of witches? It's a very noble, very...never mind. Moving on. First of all, I'm here to state my case. Piper: Great. Well, I don't have time for that 'cause I have to go pick up my son, so... again with the magic. Simon: Piper, I'm here to appeal to you, you being the practical Charmed One. Now listen to me. It is my destiny to marry your sister Paige. Piper: Oh, for god's sake. Simon: 40 of the most powerful oracles and soothsayers from around the globe have predicted it, plus a wizard or two. Piper: Good luck with that. Simon: According to your sister, a demon could be attacking at this very moment. And I want you to know that I am fantastic at vanquishing demons. Piper: Well, that's great, but we can handle our own demons, ok? Simon: You'll see. It is my fate to be with Paige. [Crash] Piper: [Gasp] Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god! Oh, I'm so sorry. I wasn't even looking... Greg: It's ok, don't worry about it. Piper: Greg. Greg: Piper. Piper: Hi. Oh, my god. [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: Look, Christy, you're safe now. I promise I am going to keep you safe, but I need your help to do that. Do you know who they are? Who's coming? Do you hear them like voices? Yeah? That's good. That's really good. What'd they say? What did they want? You know, it's ok. You know, we can talk about it later. Don't worry. It's ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: I mean, who's this guy think he is? He just shows up and announces that we're destined to be together? Phoebe: Well, according to 40 oracles and a soothsayer, your future husband. Paige: That is really not funny. Phoebe: I'm sorry. How's the list coming? Paige: Well, I have a dozen that have telepathic powers. Phoebe: Well, hopefully, Billie can convince Christy to narrow it down for us a little bit. [Doorbell rings] Phoebe: Who's here? Paige: Rats, I forgot. Henry and I have a lunch date. Phoebe: Oh, you might want to reschedule in case a demon attacks. Paige: Why, look at you. You sound like Sir Full of Himself. Phoebe: [Laughs] Well, he might not be your Mr. Right, but he does have a point. Henry: Paige, I don't want to run away from a fight, ok? Come on, I deal with violent, dangerous criminals every day. Paige: But those violent, dangerous criminals do not throw fireballs at you. Henry: W-Well, what about Piper's kids? I mean, they-they're here all the time. Paige: They have powers to defend themselves. Henry: They do? Paige: Mm-hmm. So, please, just go. I will call you in a little bit. Henry: Hold it, hold it, hold it. If I run away every time a demon attacks, I'm gonna be running away all the time, right? Paige: Ok. Piper: Ok, come on, baby. Oh, hi. Sorry. Oh, thanks. Go on. Wyatt's really gotta go. Paige: Ok. Piper: Uh, you could just put those on the dining room table. That's be great. Henry: Sure. Piper: Thanks. Sweetie, don't forget to wash your hands! I hear we have, uh, demons attacking? Paige: How did you hear that? Piper: You know, your friend Simon? British, very cocky? Henry: Who's Simon? Paige: Nobody! Piper: Ok, I have 2 seconds for you to catch me up. Go. Paige: Ok. Uh, Christy finally spoke. Unfortunately, she said something weird. Uh..."They're coming"? Piper: Who's coming? When? Paige: It's ok. Phoebe and I have got this under control. We didn't want to tell you because we know you've got a crazy day. Piper: Crazier than you think. Guess who I just ran into, literally? Paige: Who? Piper: Greg. Paige: Greg...? Piper: Fireman Greg. Paige: Ohh! He was the hot Greg. Piper: Mm. Paige: You gonna go out with him? Piper: Oh, god, don't be ridiculous. [SCENE_BREAK] Christy: Aah! Billie: Christy, what is it? What's wrong? Christy, please, I want to help you. Christy: I'm afraid. Billie: I know you're afraid. Look, nothing's gonna happen to you. You're in a very, very safe place. Christy: You can't stop them. Billie: Stop who? Christy, please. Christy: You can't stop them from coming. Billie: When? When are they coming? Christy: Now. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: So, how long does it usually take for demons to attack? Piper: Well, it could be anytime really. You know, it depends. Henry: On? Piper: On timing, you know, usually the worse it is for us, the better it is for them, you know? That kind of thing. Mustard? Henry: Uh, no, thanks. Paige: You can still opt out if you want. Henry: Not a chance. Billie: Incoming! Paige: What? What is it? Christy: They're here. Billie: Get down! Christy: Unh! Demons: Uhh! Uhh! Piper: Sweetie, why don't you orb up to your room? Paige: Fireball! Henry: Aah! Ahh! Christy: No! Henry: It's ok. I'm all right. I'm ok. Christy: Oh. Billie: Are you ok? Phoebe: What's going on? What happened? Piper: Ask the fire starter. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: Paige... Paige: Shh! You know you could have been killed? Henry: Paige, I'm ok. Paige: No, you're not ok. You were hit by a fireball, which was actually my fault. Henry: No, it was not your fault. I'm a grown man. I chose to be here. Paige: Henry, I really think you should leave. We don't know if they're coming back. Henry: Paige, I'm not leaving. Paige: I'm not having this on my head, ok? So please, please... Henry: All right. Phoebe: I know that was probably hard for you. Paige: Well, I guess it would have been harder if I was planning his funeral. Phoebe: Well, looks like Christy has a few more powers than we realized, huh? Paige: Yeah, maybe more than even she knew about. Phoebe: Maybe that's why those demons were holding her hostage for all those years. Maybe they were trying to co-opt her powers for themselves. Phoebe: But I don't think she's that powerful. I mean, unless they know something that we don't. Paige: Well, all the more reason for her to open up, so we can find out. Phoebe: I just think she's too freaked out. Paige: Well, she needs to get unfreaked out, and fast. Piper: Ok, I'm gonna go drop off Wyatt with Dad and Chris and get one of the other moms to take over cookie duties. Phoebe: Wait. Why? Piper: What do you mean, why? Why do you think? Paige: We can handle this, Piper. Piper: Yeah, but... Phoebe: No buts. Listen, you bake and spend time with Wyatt, and, hopefully, we can figure out who we're up against before they come back. Paige: Or before Christy burns down the house. [SCENE_BREAK] [Christy crying] Billie: Christy... Christy: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Billie: No, it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong. Did you know you could do-- Christy: No. But they did. Billie: They? You mean the demons? Were those the same ones? Who are they? Christy: I don't know. I never knew. Billie: Hey, it's ok. I told you we'd protect you, and we did. Look, I am not gonna let them hurt you anymore, I promise. [SCENE_BREAK] Scather demon: It's over. Don't you see that? The Charmed Ones are protecting her now. Dreylock: We still have time. They haven't sensed anything yet. Scather demon: How do you know? How do you know they are not deciding our punishment as we speak? Dreylock: Because they would have acted by now if they had. They're not known for their patience. We have to get the witch back somehow. Scather demon: Impossible. We do not have the power to go up against The Charmed Ones and survive. Dreylock: Still, it would be better to be vanquished by the witches than by The Triad. That would be a fate worse than death. Scather demon: Then, perhaps we should escape, hide from them. Dreylock: They're the most powerful evil ever known. They'd find us. [Drops skull] Prepare the ritual. Scather demon: The ritual? For The Triad? We cannot tell them we've lost her. That is suicide. Dreylock: We have no choice. They're the only ones who can get the girl back now. We'll just have to hope they show us mercy. [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: Hi. Greg: Hey. Piper: What are you doing here? Greg: Hey, I'm sorry just to show up like this, Piper. But I've got-- you've got a little somethin' there on your cheek. Piper: Oh... Greg: Frosting? Piper: No. I was just baking cookies for my son's party. Um...anyway... Greg: Anyway, there's a guy in my station, he used to work at a body shop, and he says he can fix our cars for next to nothing. Piper: Oh, that's great. Greg: But there's a catch. You see, he's leaving this afternoon, and his next shift isn't for like four days, but if you get your car down there right now, he can take care of everything. Piper: Well, I-I can't go. I mean, I've gotta bake a zillion cookies and drop 'em off at Wyatt's school. Greg: I smell smoke. Piper: Well, you know, I burned a few cookies. Greg: Looks like you burned more than a few cookies. Piper: Well, you know, kids. Those are the cookies. Greg: You go, I'll watch him. Hey, buddy. Hey, little man, what's up? Pretty cool truck. Simon: Ah, Master Wyatt, it's an honor. Harry? Now, you must understand that your kind and our kind simply can't co-mingle. Greg: Where did you come from? Simon: Ah. There is a reason why mortals should stick to their own. Well, actually, there's a few reasons. Greg: Mortals? Paige: Simon? Simon: Darling! Paige: Ah...uh! What are you doing here? Simon: I am just explaining things to Harry here. Paige: If you mean Henry, that is not him. Uh...in fact, I don't know who that is. Simon: I'm Greg. We met once before when I was dating Piper. Paige: Oh, right. Greg. Ok, uh... excuse us. You need to get out. Uh! Are you insane? Simon: Are you? Those were Windsor roses, my dear, from East Sussex. Very rare. Paige: We do not practice magic in front of mortals. Simon: Must be very trying, but I can assure you, Paige, once we are wed-- Paige: Ah! We are not going to be wed. Not now, not ever. Get out! Unh! Greg: You take that one. I got that one. Let's crash 'em. Come on! Piper: Hey, how's it goin'? Paige: Uh, not so good. Simon just orbed in in front of your friend. Luckily, he didn't see anything. Piper: Oh, thank God. Did you find who that shoe belongs to? Paige: No, we haven't yet, but, uh, we're on top of it, and it's not your job, so don't worry about it. Greg: Hey, Piper, if you want my buddy to fix the car, we better get goin'. Piper: Oh, gee, that's really great, but-- Greg: Come on. We'll drop off the cookies on the way, and Wyatt can play on the fire truck. We can catch up. Piper: Yeah, hold that thought. I don't think that's a good idea. Paige: Actually, I think it's a great idea. What with Simon orbing in and out of here willy-nilly, and demons are trying to attack... Piper: No, that's not what I mean. I mean spending the day with another man while Leo's frozen and all. Paige: Well, Piper, it's not a date. He's just a friend of yours. Piper: A friend that I used to sleep with. Paige: Well, don't sleep with him. Duh! Easy solution to that problem. Go have fun. Remember how to do that? Piper: Mm! [SCENE_BREAK] Simon: Ooh, my word. This man is a pig. Ah! Ooh. Henry: Who are you? Simon: I, sir, am your girlfriend's future husband. [SCENE_BREAK] [Sigh] Nothing. You got anything yet? Phoebe: Yes. I see... my new condo with me not in it. I should just move back here. Paige: Here's what I'm not understanding. If we've identified them and know who they are, why can't we find 'em? Phoebe: And the scather demons don't even have telepathic powers. Paige: Maybe I was right. Maybe Christy does have some power of telepathy and she contacted them. You know, maybe she's suffering from that Stockholm Syndrome thing. Phoebe: Possibly, but it doesn't explain why we can't find the demons. Paige: Oh, god, maybe we should have accepted Simon's help. Phoebe: Oh, are you still thinking about the Brit? Paige: Paige: No, I'm not thinking about him. He just may have had a point, that's all. Phoebe: Ah, the age old question-- to date or not to date a mortal. Paige: I just keep thinking, if that fireball had been 2 inches to the left there would be no Henry to save. Does that make me selfish? Phoebe: Only you can answer that, sweetie. Paige: Right. Ok, well, back to the matter at hand. [SCENE_BREAK] Scather demon: You realize that once we summon them, there is no turning back? They will come. Dreylock: Proceed. Asmodeus: Why have you summoned us? [SCENE_BREAK] Asmodeus: How could you let her escape?! Why did you not summon us immediately? Dreylock: My lord, we thought we could get her back. Baliel: You failed us, just as I predicted you would. Scather demon: We didn't fail you! For 15 years, we held her for you, and now...? Aahh! Asmodeus: We mustn't let our anger get the best of us. We can't lose sight of the bigger picture. Candor: There is no bigger picture without the witch, Asmodeus. She is the key. Baliel: And without her, we can't possibly hope to get the power we need. We should decimate this miserable clan before anything else goes wrong. Dreylock: No, wait. You don't understand. The witch was rescued by her sister. Candor: So... Dreylock: So they are both under the protection of The Charmed Ones. Baliel:The Charmed Ones? Dreylock: That's why we summoned you. We don't have the power to go up against them. Candor: Neither do we. Asmodeus: Not yet, we don't. Not unless we get the witch back. And if we do, you'd better not lose her again. [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: Look, just because demons use their powers to do bad things, doesn't mean all powers are bad. You can use yours for good. Like, you are in the light now, Christy. There's good magic all around you. You just have to believe it. You have to trust it. Christy: How? Billie: [Sighs] Well...like this. See? It's easy. Just focus on what you want and you can do it. All right, why don't you try now? Oh, come on. Don't worry. You can do it. I'll be right here. Come on. Come on. Now, I want you to focus really hard on what you want, ok? See it in your mind's eye. Christy: [Gasp] I did it! Billie: I told you! Whoa. That's a lot. Maybe I should put that out. [SCENE_BREAK] Simon: You know, it's not easy having magical powers. But then again, you will never understand that. Henry: Uh, where'd you say you're from again? Simon: Sussex, with homes in Devonshire, Manchester, London. And when... when Paige and I are wed-- Henry: Listen to me. I already told you that's not gonna happen. You got that? Paige is my girl. Simon: Is it really fair of you to be keeping Paige away from the magical world she's destined to be in? Henry: I'm not keeping Paige away from anything. Simon: But you are. You see, it is destiny to combine the Marx and Matthews magical lines. Once we are a couple, we will be the most powerful force of good the world has ever seen. Henry: Well, I think Paige and her sisters are doing fine without you. Simon: But I think Paige deserves so much more, and I can give it to her. Henry: I'm getting pretty tired of you insinuating that I am not good enough for Paige. Simon: I'm not insinuating it. I'm saying it. Henry: All right, look, pal. I may be new to this magical world, but I'm not afraid of demons, and I'm definitely not afraid of you. Simon: Ah! Not afraid? Henry: No. Simon: Not afraid? Henry: No. Simon: Well, I tell you what. Let's wait until you've had a fireball thrown at your face, and then we'll have a little discussion about how brave you think you are. Henry: Already happened this morning. I'm still here. Simon: And how embarrassing that must have been. Let me guess, Paige had to heal you. Correct? Henry: Yeah. So? Simon: So it is only a matter of time before you are beyond healing, leaving poor Paige too devastated to fight the great fight. Henry: You know what? We're finished here. Simon: Are you blind, man? Can't you see that you're a liability in every sense of the word and the fear of you being blown up will make it impossible for Paige to ever truly be honest with you. Henry: Look, pal, I don't know who you are, and I don't really care. You're not getting Paige. You got that? Simon: Really? Henry: Yeah. Simon: Well, if you won't listen to reason, then I guess there's only one thing left for us to do. Henry: I guess so. What's that? Simon: I challenge you to a duel. [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: You sure you can't pay him something more for this? Greg: No, he's good. Don't worry about it. Piper: Well, it doesn't seem right, especially since it was my fault. Greg: It's no big deal. He's a fireman. He likes to help people. Piper: Is that why you became a fireman? Greg: Yeah, I guess. I mean, it sure ain't the pay. You know, I wanted to call you, stay in touch, but I felt weird after I heard you and Leo got back together. Piper: Yeah. Of course. Greg: Hey, I don't mean to pry or anything, but I couldn't help notice that he didn't seem to be around. Is everything ok? Piper: Yeah. Sure. You know, it's great. Greg: So is he around? Piper: Uh, well, Leo's been away. Greg: Away. Piper: Mm-hmm. Away. [Cell phone rings] Piper: Excuse me. Hello? Phoebe: I think you need to come home. Piper: What do you mean? Why? Phoebe: Well, we've I.D.'d the demons that took Christy, but we can't find them anywhere. Piper: Well, they're low level. They shouldn't be that hard to find. Phoebe: Yeah, that's why we think something else is on, like maybe they're being protected by other demons, more powerful demons. Piper: Like who? [Billie screams] Piper: What was that? Phoebe: Hurry! Piper: Phoebe! Phoebe! Greg: Is something wrong? Piper: Um, actually, I need my car now. Greg: But it's not finished. Piper: Oh, well, that's ok. Uh...huh. Do you think you could watch Wyatt for me for a little while? Greg: Yeah, sure. Piper: Ok, thanks. Bye. I owe you. [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: Uh! Uh! Help! Ah! Jacket! Aah! Phoebe: Oh, my god! Billie, what happened? Billie: I cannot believe this. I cannot believe what just happened. Phoebe: What? Billie: Christy just attacked me. Paige: What? Where is she? Where'd she go? Billie: She just left with one of the demons. [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: I don't understand, you guys. Everything was going so well. I mean, she was laughing, we were having fun, and, oh, I just don't know how this happened. Piper: Hang on a second. Start from the beginning. What were you guys doing right before? Billie: Well, I was showing her how to control her powers the same way you guys showed me, and she was getting it. She was really excited. Piper: And then? Billie: And then she started hearing some voices, voices she started talking to. Paige: What was she saying? Billie: At first, she wanted them to go away, and then it was something about being the key or that she didn't want to be the key or-- Piper: Wait a minute. What key? Billie: To the ultimate power? Phoebe: Whoa. Excuse me? Piper: Oh, no, not another one. Billie: Yeah, I don't know. Phoebe: Well, that explains why they took her now. Billie: And then, the weirdest thing happened. She just changed. Her expression got very dark. Then that demon from before showed up, and before I knew it, I was on fire. Billie: What? Phoebe: Well, it's just, if that's true, the demon that took her didn't have telepathic powers, which means she had to contact them. Billie: [Scoffs] That's ridiculous. Why would she do that? Paige: Beause they're all she knows. Billie: No. No, that's not what happened, ok? You guys weren't there. Christy and I connected as sisters. So if those demons didn't contact her, then some other demons did. Ok? Paige: That's a possibility. Billie: So what are we waiting for? How do we find her? Phoebe: Well, I guess we could start by trying to figure out who this ultimate power is, and maybe they tie into how we're supposed to get Leo back. [Cell phone rings] Paige: Henry? Henry: Paige, what do you know about duels? Paige: Duels? Why? Simon: En garde, sir! Henry: Wha-Wait! What are you doin'? Paige: I have to go. [SCENE_BREAK] [Henry gasping and straining] Paige: What the hell--? Simon: Ah, Paige, yes, great. Best for you to see this yourself firsthand. Now, I know this might look a little extreme, but I am determined to make my point. Paige: Simon, knock it off! Simon: But you see, my dear, I can't. For your sake, as well as his, it's far better you face the truth now than later. Look, for you to be with Harry-- Paige: Henry! Simon: Whatever. For you to be with him instead of me... [Gasp] Would be a terrible mistake. Henry: Huh! Unh! I got him right where-- right where I want him. All right, you pompous son of a bitch, you think you're the perfect man for Paige just 'cause you know a little magic? Simon: Well, as a matter of fact I do. Henry: You don't know anything about her. Simon: On the contrary, sir. I know everything there is to know about Paige Matthews, thank you. Henry: Where is she ticklish? Simon: Ticklish, well... Henry: Third toe, left foot, right below the neck. Did you know she only salts her popcorn on the right side, never on the left? And every time she watches the Wizard of Oz, she cries. Every time. Did you know that? No, why would you? Because you don't even care. You just want some trophy witch so you can have a nice power couple. I care about Paige. I love her. Paige: And I love him. Simon: Paige. Paige, you can't be serious-- Henry: Yeah, we're both serious. Beat it, pal. Paige: What he said. Cross the pond. Henry: I told you I never run from a fight. Paige: Oh! Henry: Ahh! Thank you. Paige: Sorry, sorry. Henry: That's ok. It's ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: Nothing, except stuff about all the other ultimate powers we've faced. Phoebe: Billie, did Christy say anything else that might be able to help us? Billie: Shh! She's calling for me. I--I can hear her. She wants us to reverse the "to call a lost witch spell" so we can come find her. Piper: How does she know about that spell? Phoebe: Doesn't matter, we're not going. Billie: She doesn't want you guys to go, just me. Phoebe: Well, no. It could be a trap. Billie: It's not a trap. I trust her. Piper: Even though, you know, she did try to kill you? Billie: I have to. I can't lose her again. Phoebe: Ok, fine. But if you're not out of there in 5 minutes, we're coming in to get you. [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: Christy? Are you there? Dreylock: Your sister can't be saved... and neither can you. [SCENE_BREAK] Billie: Christy, help me, please! Unh! Don't let them make you do this! You have the power to stop them! Use it! Christy, look, we're sisters, ok? They can't come between us. Nobody can. Dreylock: Hold your fire. No! We don't want to hurt the key. Billie: Look, we can combine our powers together and put an end to this once and for all.We can do this together. Trust me. Dreylock: Surround her. [Gasp] demons: Aaah! Why?! Phoebe: Well? Billie: It's over. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: So, um, why did you want to come here? Henry: Oh, I don't know, it's just kind of, uh, it's-it's like our place, now, right? I mean, ever since you were-- Paige: A witch. It's ok, it's not a bad word, you know. Henry: Oh, no, no. Not at all. Paige: Henry, are you ok? Henry: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Great. Top of the world. Literally, right? Paige: Do you want me to heal that for you? Henry: No. No, I like it. It's like a battle scar, right? Says I fought for my girl, and I won. Paige: Yes, you certainly did. Henry: I mean, I-I faced demons and fireballs, uh, magical suitors, orbing... I mean, I think I passed the test, right? Paige: What test? Henry: You love me, don't you? Paige: Yes, I love you. Henry: 'Cause, um... Paige, will you marry me? Paige: Yes. [Paige laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: Hello! Wyatt: Hi, Mommy. Piper: Hi! Looks like somebody had fun. Can you say thank you? Wyatt: Thank you. Greg: I gotta take that off. We gotta get it back here, kiddo. Piper: There you go. Greg: You're welcome, buddy. Anytime. Piper: Ok, why don't you go play, and I'll be right there, ok? Greg: He's a great kid. Piper: Thank you, um, for everything. Greg: Oh, it was my pleasure. Piper: Um. Whoa. Greg: I'm sorry. Piper: No, no, it's ok. I mean, no, it's not ok. It's definitely not ok. Greg: I just thought, you know, with Leo gone... Piper: No, I mean, he's not gone. I didn't say he was gone. He's just, you know, he's...away. Greg: Ok. Piper: Listen, Greg, you're a great guy. Really, and if, you know, the situation was different... but...Leo is coming back. Greg: I understand. Well, it was really great to see you again, Piper. Piper: You, too. [SCENE_BREAK] Christy: What am I wearing? Billie: Oh, that's a John Stamos t-shirt. You were totally obsessed. Christy: I was not. Billie: Yes, you wanted to marry Mr. Full House. Christy: [Laughs] Well, you wanted to marry Pee-Wee. Billie: Ew! No, I didn't. Christy: I'm sorry about attacking you. That wasn't me. I was being controlled. I would never hurt you. Billie: Oh, stop. I know. I know. Christy: Is it really over? I mean, for good? Billie: I'm not gonna let anyone take you away ever again. I promise. [SCENE_BREAK] Piper: Phoebe! Phoebe: [Gasp] Oh, oh, you-you scared me. Piper: What are you doing? Phoebe: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm eavesdropping. I don't get to do that anymore now that I moved out. Piper: Well, stop it. Phoebe: Spoil sport. What's wrong with you? Your fireman? Piper: No. Thank you. Christy. Phoebe: Oh. Well, don't worry about her. She's doing fine. Piper: That's not what I mean. She's the key, whatever that means, it can't be good. Phoebe: Well, maybe it is. I mean, maybe she's here to help us fight whatever comes next, you know? Maybe they both are. Piper: Well, I guess we're just gonna have to wait and see.	Plan: A: Paige; Q: Who learns the difficulties of dating a mortal when Henry becomes too involved in the magical world? A: another suitor; Q: Who wants to convince Paige to marry him? A: the ultimate magical couple; Q: What does the suitor want to become with Paige? A: Billie; Q: Who finds her sister? A: her missing sister; Q: What does Billie finally find? A: Christy; Q: What is the name of Billie's sister? A: Piper; Q: Who must explain that Leo is coming back despite it looking like he abandoned his family? A: a romantic decision; Q: What does Piper face when she runs into an old flame? Summary: Paige learns the difficulties of dating a mortal when Henry becomes too involved in the magical world and is torn when another suitor arrives hoping to convince her to marry him so they can become the ultimate magical couple. Meanwhile, Billie finally finds her missing sister, Christy; Piper faces a romantic decision when she runs into an old flame and Piper must explain that Leo is coming back despite it looking like he abandoned his family.
The Gunfighters By Donald Cotton 5:55pm - 6:20pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1, INT: JAILHOUSE (Outside is a noise of a large incensed crowd.) MASTERSON: Better come over here Wyatt. (He turns to the Doctor.) MASTERSON: When was you gonna break outta Jail? DOCTOR: About now, Marshall! (We see the lock of the Jailhouse bars, as with a flourish the Doctor reaches through and turns a key that has been left in the lock all the time. He joins Wyatt and Masterson.) WYATT: Well lookie here, somebody's fixin' up a reception for ya! DOCTOR: What? Good gracious! And Steven's with them! (Through the open doorway they can see the rabble in the street led by Ike, and in the centre a dejected looking Steven.) PHINEAS: String 'im up! (Ike shouts into the Jailhouse, past Masterson who is keeping a shotgun levelled at the doorway in case anyone tries to rush in.) IKE: Holliday is still in there! WYATT: Get out of the Street Clanton, Holliday's my prisoner! IKE: Well that's too bad, 'cause if he's ain't out of there in two minutes his friend Regret is gonna swing in his place! (The crowd roars in approval. Masterson and Wyatt look at each other and the Doctor watches in horror.) DOCTOR: I really think I must go out there. WYATT: Appreciate yer feelings Doc, but I can't let ya. DOCTOR: But I might be able to convince them that I'm not Doc Holliday! I can't just sit here and allow them to hang Steven! WYATT: Keep 'em talkin' Bat. I'm gonna try and work round behind 'em. MASTERSON: Right. DOCTOR: Er, but what can I do? (Wyatt unceremoniously moves the Doctor away from the door.) WYATT: You can stay out o'sight! Lay 'im out Bat if he tries anythin'. DOCTOR: Oh this is insufferable! (The Doctor tries to get out again, but Bat pushes him back again.) MASTERSON: Hey, you heard what Wyatt said! Now just shut up and be quiet! DOCTOR: Very well, under protest! Hmph! [SCENE_BREAK] 2, EXT: MAIN STREET (Wyatt makes his way down the street keeping to the shadows and crouching behind carts.) IKE: Time's about up Holliday, you comin' out? [SCENE_BREAK] 3, INT: JAILHOUSE MASTERSON: You're asking for it Clanton! DOCTOR: Oh dear-dear what on Earth is that Mr Werp doing? He's leaving things too late! MASTERSON: Never been known to do that Mister. DOCTOR: He's no right to take chances with Steven's life! M-may-may...those men mean what they say! MASTERSON: If they didn't do you think Wyatt'd be risking his neck out there? DOCTOR: He's not risking his neck, now I really must go out there. (He tries to leave again and is pushed back again.) MASTERSON: Yeah, well I know how you feel friend, but if you don' quit hoppin' about like a jackrabbit I'm gonna have to lay you out so cold you'll freeze! DOCTOR: Oh, phoo! [SCENE_BREAK] 4, EXT: MAIN STREET (There is a thud and Wyatt is suddenly standing where Phineas was having just knocked him out, the noose is swinging and Steven is free. The Clantons raise their hands at the sight of his gun, the only one of them who had their own drawn is lying on the ground.) BILLY: You're wearing a badge Marshall, iff'n you weren't... MASTERSON: Yeah... [SCENE_BREAK] 5, INT: JAILHOUSE (Bat is still covering the doorway with his shotgun.) MASTERSON: ...'N if you didn't happen to be caught in the crossfire Billy. IKE: You 'ave all gotta get outta there sometime, And when you do... MASTERSON: Go on home! Necktie party's over! (There is a disappointed moan from the crowd, but the mood to riot carefully generated by Ike is fast seeping away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6, EXT: MAIN STREET WYATT: Go on, get off the Street all of ya! (The crowd begins to mills away with vociferous disappointment. Wyatt gestures at the Clantons with his gun.) WYATT: Alls have to do is talk big and look foolish Clanton, now get off the street. BILLY: Not without Phin'. WYATT: He ain't available right now. BILLY: Meanin'? WYATT: He's under arrest. BILLY: You've got no right Marshall! WYATT: Attempted hangin'? I'd say I'd every right. (Charlie comes running up.) CHARLIE: Mr Clanton! Mr Clanton! (Wyatt looks at Charlie with weary exhaustion.) WYATT: Stay outta this Charlie! CHARLIE: Mr Clanton, that ain't Doc Holliday that's being held in there! It's like the old guy kept tryin' to tell ya! WYATT: I said stay outta this Charlie! CHARLIE: I'm sorry Mr Earp, but I figure it'd save you all a deal a trouble. IKE: What makes you think it ain't him? CHARLIE: Well on account of Doc Holliday just bein' in the bar! BILLY: Wha... (He sniffs.) BILLY: You're drunk! (Wyatt whispers to Steven.) WYATT: Boy, that's all we needed... CHARLIE: Iff'n I'm drunk your friend Seth Harper's still alive... Which he ain't. IKE: What's that you say? CHARLIE: Holliday shot 'im clean as a whistle. Fastest thing I ever saw. (Billy grabs Charlie by the collar.) BILLY: Iff'n you're lyin' Charlie so help me God... CHARLIE: Why should I lie Mr Clanton? I just want to stop you boys gettin' up against the law. (Billy throws Charlie aside and advances on Wyatt, despite the gun in his face.) BILLY: You knew that old guy in there weren't Holliday! IKE: This just about does it Earp! WYATT: Try callin' me Marshall and rememberin' it too! IKE: Well Marshall, you got an answer? WYATT: I don't need to answer to you, I'll answer to the committee if need be. Now get back to the ranch while you can still ride! (Billy makes to move towards Wyatt, but Ike holds him back.) BILLY: I don't take no orders from you! IKE: Leave it Billy. Earp won't be givin' any orders once Pa gets through with him. He'll lose that star so fast it'll burn a hole in his coat! Come on Billy! BILLY: We'll be seein' ya, Earp. (They moves off and Wyatt doffs his hat at them.) WYATT: My pleasure. Boy, you maybe don't realise just how close that was? (He holds up a reverent hand.) WYATT: Well, for what we did not receive may the good lord make us truly thankful. STEVEN: Amen. WYATT: And now, shall we take this sinner to the abode of the unrighteous? MASTERSON: Amen. (They pick up the Phineas from where he lies in the dust before the provisions store between them they carry him over to the jailhouse.) BALLAD: So pick him up gentle And carry him slow, He's gone kind of mental Under Earp's heavy blow. [SCENE_BREAK] 7, INT: JAILHOUSE (Phineas lies unconscious in a cell.) WYATT: Well I reckon he'll live but he ain't gonna enjoy it for a while. DOCTOR: Was it necessary for Mr Werp to hit him so hard? STEVEN: Now then Doctor, it wasn't your neck in the noose just now. I for one am very grateful Mr Wer...Earp. (Wyatt looks up from his desk.) WYATT: Oh, hah, my pleasure boy. DOCTOR: We shan't be here to see the outcome. Tomorrow we're leaving. Ah, ha-ha, goodbye Mr Werp. (The Doctor leaves.) WYATT: Oh ah, goodbye Doc. Can't say I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] 8, INT: LAST-CHANCE SALOON (Pa Clanton, a small, figure with a trilby and a moustache enters the saloon with Ike and Billy.) PA: Get me Johnny Ringo, get 'im quick! BILLY: But Pa, Ringo rides alone, you know that. he mightn't wanna join up with us. PA: What was I paying Harper? IKE: A hundred dollars. PA: Well offer Ringo five hundred. IKE: Oh come on Pa, nobody's worth that! PA: Not worth it? If I had the sons who could do the job without gettin' all fouled up I wouldn't have to pay 'im, but as of now I need a top gun. IKE: Listen Pa, when the citizens hear what we've got on Earp, they... (Pa knocks back a shot of sipping liquor.) PA: The citizens committee, pack of feeble minded old women. Think they're gonna run him out office and gun on what you tell 'em? Come on! (Pa and Ike knock back two drinks side by side and then leave.) BILLY: We'll get Holliday, Pa, all we need is time! PA: All you need is guts boy! (He pokes Billy with a finger and turns to Ike.) PA: And all I need is Johnny Ringo, so find out where he's at and get 'im on at up at the ranch! (They leave the saloon.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9, EXT: MAIN STREET (Pa, Ike and Billy exit the Last Chance and walk away discussing their plans.) IKE: Okay Pa. BILLY: Pa. (As soon as they are gone the Doctor and Steven step out of the shadows and walk through the saloon doors.) DOCTOR: Yes, Dodo. Well my boy... [SCENE_BREAK] 10, INT: LAST CHANCE SALOON DOCTOR: Presumably she spent the evening in her room. Hm-hm! (Charlie rushes up to the Doctor and Steven.) CHARLIE: Oh... Pardon me, but er, are you alludin' to your friend, ah...Miss Dodo Dupont? DOCTOR: Of course, of course. CHARLIE: Well I'm sorry folks but, er, she ain't in her room no more. DOCTOR: Why, whatever for, mm? CHARLIE: Well, on account she checked out a while back. STEVEN: Checked out, but... CHARLIE: She lid out after the killin' with Doc Holliday; was with him when he shot Seth Harper. Right where you're standin'. (Steven and the Doctor look uneasily at the ground.) STEVEN: What, she was with Holliday? CHARLIE: Surely was. Him, her'n Kate lid out together, friendly as you please. STEVEN: Yeah, but... Look, surely she left a message or something? CHARLIE: Now Mister, iff'n you're involved in a killin' you don't leave no messages, you git. STEVEN: Well we've gotta find her...fast! CHARLIE: Well friend, you wanna find her, you find Doc Holliday. DOCTOR: Now don't be ridiculous; Doc Holliday's a great friend of mine. He gave me a gun, he extracted my tooth. Good gracious me what more do you want?! Come along boy. Come along, come along! (The Doctor and Steven exit the saloon.) STEVEN: Tch! Doctor, he's a gunman..! (Charlie looks upwards.) CHARLIE: His next extraction's gonna be a bullet. [SCENE_BREAK] 11, EXT: BEHIND WAGON HOTEL (Holliday has kept his promise to Wyatt, but only just; having arrived in Richmond, a town a mere mile and a quarter South-West of Tombstone. Doc Holliday and Kate have tied up the horses and they are walking with Dodo towards a building. The back of the Wagon Hotel advertises "ROOMS" in large, friendly letters.) BALLAD: It's your last chance of boozing Where there's no-one to mind, It's your last chance of losing And the first place you find. HOLLIDAY: I reckon this'll do us for the night, Kate. There's a bar right across the street 'n a gamblin' saloon real close... KATE: Doc, we're ain't enough out of Tombstone. We could have ridden thirty, forty miles b'morn'. HOLLIDAY: There ain't no sense in riding too far when we may have to go back again real soon. Come on Kate. KATE: Ah, but Doc... HOLLIDAY: Come on with you! (They ascend a set of wooden external steps, and enter the hotel.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12, INT: WAGON HOTEL (They enter a plushly decorated lamplit suite. Within, an aspidistra in a vase sits on a wooden plinth; fine old Victorian floral-papered walls are hung with pictures and two doors face each other beside a net-curtained window leading to the warm night outside.) KATE: Back to Tombstone! You wanna get yourself killed, is that it? HOLLIDAY: I ain't arguing with ya. Look all I want is to get myself a drink. Look, I told Wyatt I'd stay close. (Holliday walks into the lefthand room a throws his hat and bag onto a large brass bed.) KATE: Yeah, and Wyatt just got through drivin' ya out, remember? HOLLIDAY: Hey, he'll be wantin' me back again soon as the real trouble starts. KATE: Real trouble?! Now look Kate, there's only him and Masterson ta handle things if old man Clanton decides to throw anything against 'em and I gotta get back. (Dodo watches from her room.) DODO: I've got to get back too remember! HOLLIDAY: Sure, I promised the little lady that I'd see her back he-home with her friends. Now Kate, you know that a gentleman has to take account of these things. Right now I'm going to rustle up some food for us all. (Holliday leaves the suite loudly closing the door behind him.) KATE: Hah, him and his promises! DODO: Nice to find someone who keeps their word. KATE: It's all he ever kept in his life honey. Lost everythin' else he ever had. (Dodo squeaks as five shots ring out, but Kate just looks annoyed.) KATE: Not again! (Holliday comes back with a tray of food and drink.) HOLLIDAY: It's alright ladies, it's alright. I just ran into an old friend and he er...he kinda lost his appetite. [SCENE_BREAK] 13, EXT: MAIN STREET (A shadowy figure approaches the Last Chance Saloon.) BALLAD: It's your last chance of earning Your gunfighters fee; The pay is in Dollars, But the bullets are free. It's your last chance of cussing At a gunfighters doom; It's your last chance of nothin' It's the Last Chance Saloon! (The figure breaks his six-shooter, checks the bullets and snaps it shut again before stepping through the saloon doors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14, INT: LAST CHANCE SALOON (The saloon is in darkness, lit by a single paraffin lamp on the bar keeping a number of empty decanters company. The man walks in and stops.) CHARLIE: Sorry stranger, the bar is closed. RINGO: Is that so? (The man turns up the lamp to light his cigar, illuminating his face.) RINGO: You can just open it up again. CHARLIE: Now see here... (He gawps.) CHARLIE: Ringo...Johnny Ringo. RINGO: Shut up! Gimme a drink. CHARLIE: Yes sir Mr Ringo. What'll it be sir? RINGO: Double straight. (Charlie promptly pours him a glass of whiskey.) RINGO: Hey, how come you know my name? CHARLIE: I guess everybody... I mean, I sure enough heard about you. RINGO: What have you heard? CHARLIE: Well... (Ringo knocks back the drink and slams the glass down on the bar.) CHARLIE: Nothin' sir, nothin' at all. RINGO: So what's your name? CHARLIE: Charlie sir. RINGO: Charlie eh? So you've heard nothing about me? CHARLIE: No, no I ain't. RINGO: Ain't very flattering is it? CHARLIE: I guess not...I mean...well what I was meaning was... RINGO: Yeah go on, go on Charlie... CHARLIE: I heard somethin' about you this evenin' as a matter o' fact. A couple o' boys was askin' after you. RINGO: Who? CHARLIE: Two of the Clantons. Ike and uh...Billy it was. RINGO: And what was they askin'? CHARLIE: Well they said to try and git word to you as their Pa would pay you five hundred if you'd throw in wi' them agin' Wyatt Earp. RINGO: I've got business of my own to settle first. Personal business with Doc Holliday. CHARLIE: Why now Mr Ringo, excuse me and it-it ain't strictly none of my business, but I reckon that'll suit them just fine. Cause they're a-laying for Holliday too! RINGO: Is that so? Then here's something else you can tell 'em; Holliday is mine! I trailed him clear away from Fort Griffin, understand? CHARLIE: Yeah, sure Mr Ringo. (Charlie pours another drink, but his hand is shaking so much that he slops most of it over the counter. Ringo snatches the bottle.) RINGO: Oh give it here! I'll do the pouring. You sure got the shakes real bad. (Ringo pours himself another drink.) CHARLIE: It's er, it's on the house sir. RINGO: I never figured different. (Ringo knocks back his drink.) CHARLIE: I can't wait to see Wyatt Earp's face when he hears you're going against him. (Ringo stiffens.) RINGO: Plannin' on tellin' him? (Charlie looks even more scared than before.) CHARLIE: Why no Mr Ringo. I-I was only sayin'... RINGO: Charlie, Charlie, Charlie... You say too much, uh? (He laughs and walks a little away from the bar and towards the staircase.) CHARLIE: I-I-I I won't say nothin' to nobody! (Ringo stops at the staircase.) RINGO: Now ain't that just the truth. Hey Charlie? (Ringo pulls out his weapon and shoots. Charlie slumps dead over his beloved bar, the bottle in his hand gushing fluid all over the floor. Ringo smiles and blows the smoke from his barrel.) RINGO: Goodnight Charlie. (He walks up the stairs.) BALLAD: So it's curtains for Charlie, That barman of fame. He met Johnny Ringo And he knew Johnny's name; He knew Johnny's name And he spoke it out loud. Now Charlie the barman Has gotten a shroud. [SCENE_BREAK] 15, INT: WAGON HOTEL (Holliday is enjoying a good chuckle when Dodo rushes into the room.) DODO: You ready to leave? HOLLIDAY: I'm ready to jump like a mountain hare, you come bursting in here like that Missy. DODO: You did say that you were taking me back to my friends today. (Holliday looks at her with lazy boredom.) HOLLIDAY: Yeah, today... Or the day after... DODO: You promised! HOLLIDAY: I promised to take you back safe home and I will do so in my own good time! (Dodo picks up the Doc's gun which he's left on the bedside table and points it at him in an attempt to be menacing.) DODO: We're leaving now. (The Doc almost falls over with laughter at the sight.) HOLLIDAY: What're you attempting to do with that there offensive weapon? DODO: Shoot you if I have to. (She cocks the gun and the Doc stops laughing.) HOLLIDAY: Now how'd you reckon to get back to Tombstone without me? DODO: I shall try not to kill you. I shall aim for your arm. HOLLIDAY: That's real thoughtful just at the moment you're aiming right between my eyes. DODO: Oh I'm sorry... (She moves the gun a little.) DODO: Is that better? (The Doc nods a little.) HOLLIDAY: It's an improvement. DODO: Right, now take me back to Tombstone. HOLLIDAY: Ah, seems like I ain't got no alternative. DODO: No Doctor Holliday, I don't believe you have. HOLLIDAY: Then I promise on my oath as a gentleman of Georgia that I will take you back to Tombstone by nightfall. DODO: Oh thank goodness for that. (The Doc grabs the gun and lifts it out of Dodo's hand and she appears to wobble on her feet a little.) DODO: Would you mind getting me a glass of water? I feel rather faint. KATE: Now what in Hades goes on here? HOLLIDAY: Ah, the young lady and I have to go right back to Tombstone right away. KATE: Oh, and what about me? HOLLIDAY: You stay right here and I'll come right back and get you. KATE: Now see here Doc Holliday you ain't plannin' on runnin' out..! HOLLIDAY: Now Kate, for the first time in my life I have just been taken, beaten to the draw. DODO: Oh I honestly didn't want to have to shoot you. HOLLIDAY: And I didn't want to have to shoot you neither. (With a flick of his fingers he reveals his tiny microgun in his hand. Kate catches Dodo as she falls backwards in a dead faint.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16, INT: LAST CHANCE SALOON BALLAD: He knew Johnny's name And he spoke it out loud. Now Charlie the barman Has gotten a shroud. (Charlie is still slumped over the bar when the Doctor and Steven come down the stairs.) DOCTOR: Well as soon as we've had breakfast my boy, I must check up with Mr Werp and ask him if he knows where they've all gone. STEVEN: Mm, right. (Steven rings the bell on the bar, and leans against the bar. Feeling something soft on his shoulder he turns and sees a hand attached to the corpse of Charlie on the bar.) STEVEN: Doctor, look! RINGO: High livin' and hard liquor. It don't pay. (Ringo gets up from where he's sitting.) STEVEN: Yeah, but he's been shot! RINGO: Is that so? (He smiles dangerously at Steven then turns and tosses a coin onto Charlie's corpse.) RINGO: Here's something towards your funeral, friend. DOCTOR: Er...er yes, er excuse me sir, but I think under the circumstances you'd better remain here until Mr Werp arrives. Hm-hm. RINGO: Are you aimin' ah, to make me? DOCTOR: Ah no, no. RINGO: The only man in the territory low enough to kill an unarmed barman is Doc Holliday. STEVEN: Hey wait a minute y... (Steven grabs Ringo by the arm, then lets go as he gets a steely look.) STEVEN: You know Holliday? RINGO: And what's that to you? DOCTOR: Well we must find him. RINGO: Why is that? DOCTOR: You see, a young lady of our acquaintance is with him. RINGO: And what are you going to do when you find 'im? STEVEN: I...w-well we'll take her away from 'im and bring her back here of course. (Ringo smiles.) RINGO: Plannin' on gunnin' him down, eh? DOCTOR: Ooh certainly not sir, certainly not! I mean, hah, we're just going to er, well, er-er... Reason with him. Hm-hm! (Ringo laughs.) RINGO: Now that I'd really like to see! (Ringo paces towards the saloon doors then stops. Beside the bar the Doctor whispers to Steven.) DOCTOR: Do you know who that is? STEVEN: Who? DOCTOR: That's Johnny Ringo! STEVEN: What that? DOCTOR: Yes! RINGO: Say, boy. (Steven walks over to Ringo.) STEVEN: Uh...yeah? RINGO: See'n as you'n me's got common cause gettin' Doc Holliday, supposin' I was to let you ride with me? STEVEN: Well, you-you know where he is? RINGO: Reckon I do. DOCTOR: Well, ha-ha, we'd be...mighty grateful. Hm-hm! RINGO: I'm sure you would...Pop! (Ringo shoves the Doctor out of his way and jabs Steven with a finger.) RINGO: There's just one thing. If you get between me and him boy, don't go looking for me to hold my fire. I'd blast you down as soon as spit at ya! (Steven wipes something from his cheek.) STEVEN: Thanks. DOCTOR: Disgusting habit! [SCENE_BREAK] 17, INT: JAILHOUSE WYATT: So brother Morgan can't make it uh? (The young Warren Earp is slouching over the table.) WARREN: T'ain't for me to tell ya; got himself mixed up in a range war, Albany way. MASTERSON: Any word from Virgil? WARREN: No. WYATT: Could be anywhere between here and Montana. WARREN: One way and another seems lucky you've got me around, and Morgan's been teachin' me how ta handle a gun. WYATT: Oh... Not at your age my lad, and not against these dirty Clantons. (Phineas, his head swathed in bandages, pushes his face against the bars.) PHINEAS: How long're you all figurin' on k-k k-k k-keepin' me here? MASTERSON: Just as long as it takes 'til the Judge hits town. PHINEAS: Well when the Judge hears about you protectin' Doc Holliday just you see what happens! (The Doctor walks in.) DOCTOR: Did I er, did I hear the name Doc Holliday mentioned? PHINEAS: Ya sure did! DOCTOR: Yes, well I've got news of him. WYATT: Well I thought you'd left town. DOCTOR: Oh, Dodo you see... I mean, er, Miss Dupont has gone off with him. And er young Steven is following up and I've got to wait. WYATT: You mean Regret has gone after Holliday alone? DOCTOR: No-no my dear Marshall, no. She's gone with a young man by the name of Ringo. WYATT: Ringo?! MASTERSON: Ringo! (He thumps the gun he is cleaning onto the desk.) DOCTOR: Yes-yes...you er, you've got a photograph of him here, look. (He hands Wyatt a wanted poster and he throws it aside in exasperation.) WYATT: That's all we needed! Boy the hosts of Midian are sure on the prowl tonight! DOCTOR: Why, is he a friend of the Clanton's? MASTERSON: Ringo is a friend of nobody. Professional gunfighter, sells hisself to the highest bidder. WYATT: Yeah, and I reckon I know who that'll be. PHINEAS: Better let me outta here while there's still time Earp! WYATT: Ohh shut up! DOCTOR: One more thing. I have to report a murder. (Wyatt looks weary.) WYATT: Yeah..? DOCTOR: Yes, the barman at the Last Chance. I believe his name is Charlie isn't it? WYATT: Charlie? (He jumps up.) MASTERSON: Who in thunder'd wanna kill Charlie? WYATT: Hoh, that Ringo sure works fast! (He puts his arm around Warren in a brotherly way.) WYATT: Well, what of it lad? Guess I'm gonna left...have to leave you in charge after all, hah? (He strides to the door.) WYATT: C'mon Bat, lets get out to that Last Chance Saloon. DOCTOR: Are you going to be alright? (Warren smiles at the Doctor as he leaves and is still smiling when he glances at Phineas. Phineas grins back toothily and chuckles to himself.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18, EXT: MAIN STREET (RICHMOND) (Ringo and Steven stand in the street of Richmond, Steven looks around nervously as Ringo puffs on his cigar with an air of nonchalance. Somewhere in the distance a piano is playing the ballad.) STEVEN: Look, uh... What makes you think we're gonna find him in this town? RINGO: On account it's the only one since Tombstone. Doc'll be thirsty. STEVEN: Well uh, how're we gonna find 'im? (Ringo walks towards the veranda of a wooden building and points across the street.) RINGO: Well I'll take this side, you take the other. STEVEN: Yeah. RINGO: Try at the saloon, ha? STEVEN: Hey wait! H-how'm I gonna know 'im? (Ringo laughs.) RINGO: You'll know 'im boy, you'll know 'im. STEVEN: Yeah right, I'll er, see you back here. RINGO: Yep. (Ringo walks a little way, then straightens up as he sees a figure in the distance.) BALLAD: Johnny Ringo has found her; Johnny Ringo's found Kate. The gunslinger's got her, Now what is her fate? Johnny Ringo has seen her, She's coming his way; Johnny Ringo and Katie Were lovers, they say. RINGO: Good evening Kate. Well ain't you glad to see me! KATE: Johnny! RINGO: Well ain't you? KATE: Well uh...just kinda surprised that's all. RINGO: Yeah, I'll bet. I heard you was gonna be hitched to Doc Holliday so I just came to congratulate you. You and the bridegroom both. KATE: Oh, he ain't no bridegroom a mine Johnny. RINGO: That ain't what I heard. KATE: Oh but it's true! He er...ran out on me soon as we left Tombstone. RINGO: Now why would he do a fool thing like that, pretty girl like you, hah? KATE: Oh I er... I guess he found him a prettier one, Johnny. RINGO: Regret's girl? KATE: Yeah. RINGO: So where's he takin' her? KATE: They was headed for New Mexico. RINGO: New Mexico... KATE: Now Johnny, would I lie to you? RINGO: Hmph! Well I guess he'll just have to wait 'til I finish this job here in Tombstone. KATE: What job? RINGO: You'll find out when we get there. KATE: When we get there? RINGO: Kate, I've followed you for nigh on two years figurin' out what I should do to you when I caught up. Holliday was gonna be first, but 'ccording to you he's in New Mexico, but you're right here. You're coming back to me Kate. KATE: Oh well, thank ya kindly Johnny, but just supposin' I don't wish ta come back?! RINGO: You'd better that's all; I could mebbe change my mind... (He pulls out his gun.) KATE: Oh, now...now... RINGO: Don't push your luck Kate, just go and get your things. While I tell Regret that there's been a change of plan. Git! (Kate walks away with her head held high.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19, INT: JAILHOUSE (Phineas watches Warren where he is sitting at the table from behind the bars.) PHINEAS: K-kinda young for responsibility ain't you boy? (Warren answers without moving or even looking.) WARREN: Talkin' to me? PHINEAS: Can't think who else. WARREN: You're wastin' your time Clanton, save it for the Judge. PHINEAS: So you're Wyatt Earp's k-k-kid brother? How come he's lettin' you do all the work around here? Now I got brothers; only they wouldn't leave me to face things all on my lonesome, no sir. WARREN: Seems to me Clanton that's exactly what they are doin'. PHINEAS: I wouldn't say so boy, take a look behind you. WARREN: I got no time to play games Clanton why don't you just shut up. PHINEAS: Ok-k-kay, but i-iff'n I was you I'd take a look behind me just the same. (The door is suddenly thrown open and Billy and Ike rush in, weapons raised.) BILLY: Don't try it friend. IKE: Where's the head man around here? PHINEAS: Why, this is him Ike! Don't you recognise one of the fightin' Earps when you see one? IKE: Ah, they get greener every year. PHINEAS: D-don't k-kid around Ike. Masters-s'll be back soon, get me outta here! BILLY: Where're the keys Earp? WARREN: Over...over on the desk. BILLY: Go get 'em, and fast. (Warren moves to the table and picks up the large ring of goes for the gun, gets shot.) BILLY: Yeehoo! PHINEAS: Now that fixed it! They'll all be back here, get me outta here! IKE: Get the keys Billy, make it fast. Come on let's go, let's go. (They all rush out leaving the body of Warren on the floor.) BILLY: That's just what I was needing, pcham! BALLAD: It's curtains for Warren, They gunned the kid down; And them bad, cruel outlaws Are heading for town. So the Earps and the Clantons Are aimin' to meet, At the OK Corral Near Calamity Street.	Plan: A: Tombstone; Q: Where did the First Doctor find himself involved with gunmen? A: the First Doctor; Q: Who finds himself involved with gunmen out to kill Doc Holliday? Summary: Arriving in the town of Tombstone, the First Doctor finds himself involved with gunmen out to kill Doc Holliday...
MAN: For over a century, I have lived in secret; hiding in the shadows, alone in the world. Until now. I am a vampire. And this is my story. [A man and a girl in a car, on the road.] MAN: An hour's drive to hear that crap. You know, it wasn't even a band. A guy with a guitar. An hour each way. GIRL: He wasn't that bad. MAN: He sounded like James Blunt. GIRL: What's wrong with that? MAN: We already have a James Blunt. One's all we need. GIRL: So why did you come? MAN: Because I love you. GIRL: Nicely done. What's with all the fog? MAN: It'll clear in a second. GIRL: Watch out! [They collide a man.] MAN: Are you ok?! GIRL: We just hit someone! Oh, my god! MAN: Call for help. GIRL: Come on, come on! MAN: Please be alive! Oh, my god. [The man wakes up and bites him into the neck.] GIRL: There's no signal! Darren! Darren? [New scene. Morning. A Man.] STEFAN: I shouldn't have come home. I know the risk. But I had no choice. I have to know her. [Other scene. A girl writes in her diarie.] ELENA: Dear diary, today will be different. It has to be. I will smile, and it will be believable. My smile was saying "I'm fine, thank you." "Yes, I feel much better." I will no longer be the sad little girl who lost her parents. I will start fresh, be someone new. It's the only way I'll make it through. [In the kitchen.] JENNA: Toast. I can make toast. ELENA: It's all about the coffee, aunt Jenna. JEREMY: Is there coffee? JENNA: Your first day of school and I'm totally unprepared. Lunch money? ELENA: I'm good. JENNA: Anything else? A number two pencil? What am I missing? ELENA: Don't you have a big presentation today? JENNA: I'm meeting with my thesis advisor at...now. Crap! ELENA: Then go. We'll be fine. You ok? JEREMY: Don't start. [In Bonnie's car.] BONNIE: So grams is telling me I'm psychic. Our ancestors were from salem, which isn't all that, I know, crazy, but she's going on and on about it, and I'm like, put this woman in a home already! But then I started thinking, I predicted Obama and I predicted Heath Ledger, and I still think Florida will break off and turn into little resort islands... Elena! Back in the car. ELENA: I did it again, didn't I? I--I'm sorry, Bonnie. You were telling me that... BONNIE: That I'm psychic now. ELENA: Right. Ok, then predict something. About me. BONNIE: I see... [They collide a black bird.] BONNIE: What was that?! Oh, my god! Elena, are you ok? ELENA: It's ok. I'm fine. BONNIE: It was like a bird or something. It came out of nowhere. ELENA: Really, I can't be freaked out by cars for the rest of my life. BONNIE: I predict this year is going to be kick ass. And I predict all the sad and dark times are over and you are going to be beyond happy. [At the school.] BONNIE: Major lack of male real estate. Look at the shower curtain on Kelly bitch. She looks a hot-- Can I still say "tranny mess"? ELENA: No, that's over. BONNIE: Ahh, find a man, coin a phrase. It's a busy year. [They look at Matt.] ELENA: He hates me. BONNIE: That's not hate. That's "you dumped me, but I'm too cool to show it, but secretly I'm listening to air supply's greatest hits." CAROLINE: Elena. Oh, my god. How are you? Oh, it's so good to see you. How is she? Is she good? ELENA : Caroline, I'm right here. And I'm fine. Thank you. CAROLINE: Really? ELENA: Yes. Much better. CAROLINE: Oh, you poor thing. ELENA: Ok, Caroline. CAROLINE: Oh! Ok, see you guys later? BONNIE: Ok! Bye. ELENA: No comment. BONNIE: I'm not going to say anything. [Jeremy and Vicki.] JEREMY: Don't take more than two in a six-Hour window. TYLER: Hey, Vicki. I knew I'd find you here with the crackheads. VICKI: Hey. TYLER: Hey, Pete Wentz called. He wants his nail polish back. JEREMY: Pete Wentz, huh? How old school T.R.L. of you. Carson Daly fan? VICKI: Oh, Ty, be nice. Be nice. That's Elena's little brother. TYLER: I know who he is. I'll still kick his ass. [Bonnie and Elena behind the office.] BONNIE: Hold up. Who's this? ELENA: All I see is back. BONNIE: It's a hot back. [In the office.] SECRETARY: your records are incomplete. You're missing immunization records, and we do insist on transcripts. STEFAN: Please look again. I'm sure everything you need is there. SECRETARY: Well, you're right. So it is. BONNIE: I'm sensing seattle, and he plays the guitar. ELENA: You're really going to run this whole psychic thing into the ground, huh? BONNIE: Pretty much. MAN: Jeremy, good batch, man. ELENA: I'll be right back. BONNIE: Please be hot. [Elena in the boy's toilets.] BOY: Whoa! Pants down, chick! ELENA: Great. It's the first day of school and you're stoned. JEREMY: No, I'm not. ELENA: Where is it? Is it on you? JEREMY: Stop, all right?! You need to chill yourself, all right? ELENA: Chill myself? What is that, Stoner talk? Dude, you are so cool. JEREMY: Look, stop! I don't have anything on me. Are you crazy? ELENA: You haven't seen crazy, Jeremy! I gave you a summer pass, but I am done watching you destroy yourself. No, no, no, you know what? Go ahead. Keep it up. But just know that I am going to be there to ruin your buzz every time, you got it? Jeremy, I know who you are. And it's not this person. So don't be this person. JEREMY: I don't need this. [Bonnie looks Stefan.] STEFAN: Thank you. SECRETARY: You're welcome. [Elena goes out and meets Stefan.] STEFAN: Uh, pardon me. Um... Is this the men's room? ELENA: Yes. Um, I was just, Um--I was just-- It's a long story. Just... Thank you. [History's class.] TEACHER: Once our home state of virginia joined confederacy in 1861, it created a tremendous amount of tension within the state. People in virginia's northwest region Had different ideals than those from the traditional deep south. Then Virginia divided in 1863 with the northwest region joining the union. Texto to Bonnie from Elena : HAWT-E. STARING @ U. [On a cemetery.] ELENA: Dear diary, I made it through the day. I must have said, "I'm fine, thanks," at least 37 times. And I didn't mean it once. But no one noticed. When someone asks, "how are you?" They really don't want an answer. [A bird is on the tomb.] ELENA: Ok. Hi, bird. That's not creepy or anything. Shoo! That's what I thought. [Bird is always here. The mist is all around her.] ELENA: Ahh! [She runs and falls ... She sees Stefan.] STEFAN: You ok? ELENA: Were you following me? STEFAN: No, I, uh, I just-- I saw you fall. ELENA: Uh-Huh, and you just happened to be hanging out in a cemetery. STEFAN: I'm visiting. I have family here. ELENA: Oh. Wow. Tactless. I'm sorry. It's the fog, It's making me foggy. And then back there, there was this bird, and it was all very hitchcock for a second. That is the bird movie, right, the hitchcock? I'm Elena. STEFAN: I'm Stefan. ELENA: I know. We have history together. STEFAN: And english and french. ELENA: Right. STEFAN: Oh. ELENA: Thanks. Nice ring. STEFAN: Oh. Um, It's a family ring, yeah. I'm kinda stuck with it. It's weird, huh? ELENA: No, no. It's just, I mean, there are rings and then there's that. STEFAN: Did you hurt yourself? ELENA: Hmm? STEFAN: Did you hurt yourself? ELENA: Oh, uh, I don't know. Oh! Look at that. That is not pretty. You ok? STEFAN: You should go. Take care of that. ELENA: Really, it's nothing. She turns around but Stefan disappeared. [Stefan's home. He writes on a diarie.] STEFAN: I lost control today. Everything I've kept buried inside came rushing to the surface. I'm simply not able to resist her. [Mystic Grill. Vicki works as a waitress.] JEREMY: Hey. VICKI: Working. [She arrives at Matt and Tyler's table.] MATT: Thanks, vick. VICKI: Do you need another refill? TYLER: I'd love one. MATT: Please tell me you're not hooking up with my sister. TYLER: I'm not hooking up with your sister. MATT: You're such a dick. JEREMY: Hey, what's your deal? I mean, summer you act one way and then school starts and you can't be bothered. VICKI: Look, Jeremy, I really appreciate all the pharmaceuticals, but you can't keep following me around like a lost puppy. JEREMY: When's the last time you had sx with a puppy? VICKI: Hey, keep it down. I don't want to tell the whole world I deflowered Elena's kid brother. JEREMY: Yeah, and deflowered and deflowered. VICKI: We hooked up a few times in a drug haze. It's over. You gotta back off between you ruin things between me and Tyler. JEREMY: Oh, come on, the guy's a total douche. He only wants you for your ass. VICKI: Yeah? What do you want me for? [Caroline and Bonnie enter.] CAROLINE: His name is Stefan Salvatore. He lives with uncle up at the old Salvatore boarding house. He hasn't lived here since he was a kid. Military family, so they moved around a lot. He's a gemini, and his favorite color is blue. BONNIE: You got all of that in one day? CAROLINE: Oh, please, I got all that between third and fourth period. We're planning a june wedding. [Elena's home.] ELENA: I'm meeting Bonnie at the grill. JENNA: Ok, have fun. Wait, I got this. Don't stay out late, it's a school night. ELENA: Well done, aunt Jenna. [She oppens the door.] ELENA: Oh. STEFAN: Sorry, I was about to knock. I wanted to apologize for my disappearing act earlier. I know it was... Strange. ELENA: No worries. I get it, blood makes you squeamish. STEFAN: Um, something like that. How's your leg? ELENA: Oh, it's fine. Just a scratch, barely. How did you know where I lived? STEFAN: It's a small town. I asked the first person I saw. Um, I thought you might want this back. ELENA: Oh, I must have dropped it. I-- Thank you. STEFAN: Don't worry, I didn't...read it. ELENA: No? Why not? Most people would have. STEFAN: Well, I wouldn't want anyone to read mine. ELENA: You keep a journal? STEFAN: Yeah, if I don't write it down, I forget it. Memories are too important. ELENA: Yeah. I'm just gonna, Um, you don't have to stay out there. STEFAN: I'm fine. Sorry, were you going somewhere? ELENA: Yeah, I'm meeting a friend. Do you want to come? [Mystic Grill.] MATTt:How's Elena doing? BONNIE: Her mom and dad died. How do you think? She's putting on a good face, but it's only been four months. MATT: Has she said anything about me? BONNIE: Oh, no. So not getting in the middle. You pick up the phone and call her. MATT: I feel weird calling her. She broke up with me. BONNIE: Give it more time, Matt. [Elena enters, with Stefan.] MATT: More time, huh? MATT: Hey, I'm Matt, nice to meet you. STEFAN: Hi. Stefan. ELENA: Hey. MATT: Hey. [Later.] CAROLINE: So, you were born in mystic falls? STEFAN: Mm-Hmm. And moved when I was still young. BONNIE: Parents? STEFAN: My parents passed away. ELENA: I'm sorry. Any siblings? STEFAN: None that I talk to. I live with my uncle. CAROLINE: So, Stefan, if you're new, then you don't know about the party tomorrow. BONNIE: It's a back to school thing at the falls. STEFAN (to Elena): Are you going? BONNIE: Of course she is. [Stefan's home.] ZACH: You promised. STEFAN: This was an animal attack. ZACH: Don't give me that. I know the game. You tear them up enough, they always suspect an animal attack. You said you had it under control. STEFAN: And I do. ZACH: Please, uncle Stefan. Mystic Falls is a different place now. It's been quiet for years, but there are people who still remember. And you being here, It's just going to stir things up. STEFAN: It's not my intention. ZACH: Then what is? Why did you come back? After all this time, why now? STEFAN: I don't have to explain myself. ZACH: I know that you can't change what you are. But you don't belong here anymore. STEFAN: Where do I belong? ZACH: I can't tell you what to do. But coming back here was a mistake. [History's class.] TEACHER: The battle of willow creek took place right at the end of the war in our very own Mystic Falls. How many casualties resulted in this battle? Ms. Bennett? BONNIE: Um...a lot? I'm not sure. Like a whole lot. TEACHER: Cute becomes dumb in an instant, Ms. Bennett. Mr. Donovan. Would you like to take this opportunity to overcome your embedded jock stereotype? MATT: It's ok, Mr Tanner, I'm cool with it. TANNER: Hmm. Elena? Surely you can enlighten us about one of the town's most significantly historical events? ELENA: I'm sorry, I-- I don't know. TANNER:I was willing to be lenient last year for obvious reasons, Elena. But the personal excuses ended with summer break. STEFAN: There were 346 casualties, Unless you're counting local civilians. TANNER: That's correct. Mister... STEFAN: Salvatore. TANNER: Salvatore. Any relation to the original settlers here at mystic falls? STEFAN: Distant. TANNER: Well, very good. Except, of course, there were no civilian casualties in this battle. STEFAN: Actually, there were 27, sir. Confederate soldiers, they fired on the church, believing it to be housing weapons. They were wrong. It was a night of great loss. The founder's archives are, uh, stored in civil hall if you'd like to brush up on your facts. Mr. Tanner. TANNER: hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [Stefan arrives to the party.] ELENA: People look up to me. I have to set an example. BONNIE: Just admit it, Elena. ELENA: Oh, ok, so he's a little pretty. BONNIE: He has that romance novel stare. ELENA: Stefan looked deep into her eyes, piercing her very soul. CAROLINE: Hey! You made it! STEFAN: I did. CAROLINE: Well, let's get you a drink. STEFAN: Well, I'm-- CAROLINE: Oh, come on. BONNIE: So where is he? ELENA: I don't know. You tell me, you're the psychic one. BONNIE: Right, I forgot. Ok, so give me a sec. Grams says I have to concentrate. ELENA: Wait, you need a crystal ball. [She gives her a bottle. Bonnie takes it and touches Elena's hand.] BONNIE: Ahh. ELENA: What? BONNIE: That was weird. When I touched you, I saw a crow. ELENA: What? BONNIE: A crow. There was fog, a man. I'm drunk. It's the drinking. There's nothing psychic about it. Yeah? Ok, I'm gonna get a refill. [Bonnie leaves Elena alone.] ELENA: Ok. Bonnie! STEFAN: Hi. ELENA: Hi. STEFAN: I did it again, didn't it? ELENA: Yeah. STEFAN: I'm sorry. You're upset about something. ELENA: Oh, uh, no, it's Bonnie. She's... You know what? Never mind. You're...here. STEFAN: I'm here. ELENA: You know, you're kind of the talk of the town. STEFAN: Am I? ELENA: Mm-Hmm. Mysterious new guy, oh, yeah. STEFAN: Well, you have the mysterious thing going, too. Twinged in sadness. ELENA: What makes you think that I'm sad? STEFAN: Well, we did meet in a graveyard. ELENA: Right. Well, no, technically we met in the men's room. You don't want to know, it's... It's not exactly party chit-Chat. STEFAN: Well, I've never really been very good at, uh, Chit-chat. ELENA: Last spring... My parents' car drove off of a bridge into the lake. And I was in the backseat and I survived, but... They didn't. So that's my story. STEFAN: You won't be sad forever, Elena. [Vicki and Tyler in the forest.] VICKI: No, Ty. I'm not having sx against a tree. TYLER: Oh, come on, it would be hot. VICKI: For who? No, it's not going to happen. It's not going to happen, not here, not like this. No. I said no. I said no! Ow, that hurts! JEREMY: Hey, leave her alone. TYLER: You know, you're starting to get on my nerves, Gilbert. VICKI: Just go, Tyler, get the hell away from me. TYLER: Wow. Vicki donovan says no. That's a first. VICKI: I didn't need your help. JEREMY: It seems like you did. VICKI: He was just drunk. JEREMY: I'm drunk. Am I throwing myself at you? VICKI: No, you're worse. You want to talk to me, get to know me, see into my soul and screw and screw and screw until you're done with me. JEREMY: Is that what you think? VICKI: That's what I know. [Elena and Stefan, on a little bridge.] STEFAN: I like Bonnie, she seems like a good friend. ELENA: Best friend in the world. STEFAN: And Matt, he can't seem to, uh, take his eyes off of us. ELENA: Matt's that friend since childhood that you start dating because you owe it to yourselves to see if you can be more. STEFAN: And? ELENA: And then my parents died, and everything changes. Anyway, Matt and I, together we just, I don't know, It wasn't, um... It wasn't... STEFAN: Passionate. ELENA: No. No, it wasn't passionate... Hey, um, are you ok? Um, Your eye, it just, it's-- STEFAN: Oh, um... Yeah, no. It's, um, it's nothing. Um, are you thirsty? I'm gonna get us a drink. [Vicki is alone in the forest. She hears a noise.] VICKI: Jeremy? Is that you? Jeremy? The fog is everywhere around her. Someone attack her. [Elena waits Stefan.] MATT: Looking for someone? ELENA: Hey. MATT: When you broke up with me, you said it was because you needed some time alone. You don't look so alone to me. ELENA: Matt, you don't understand. It's-- MATT: That's ok, Elena. You do what you have to do. I just want to let you know that... I still believe in us. And I'm not giving up on that. ELENA: Matt... [Stefan comes back.] CAROLINE: Hey! There you are. Have you been down to the falls yet? Because they are really cool at night. And I can show you. If you want. STEFAN: I think you've had too much to drink. CAROLINE: Well, of course I have. So-- STEFAN: Caroline. You and me, it's not gonna happen. Sorry. ELENA: I was wondering who abducted you, but now I know. STEFAN: Is she like that with, uh, all the guys? ELENA: No. You're fresh meat. She'll back off eventually. Hmm. God, you gotta be kidding me! STEFAN: What is it? ELENA: My brother. STEFAN: The drunk one? ELENA: That would be the one. Excuse me. STEFAN: Need some help? ELENA: Trust me, you're not going to want to witness this. Jeremy! Jeremy! [She follows Jeremy in the forest.] ELENA: Jeremy, where the hell are you going? JEREMY: I don't want to hear it! ELENA: Yeah, well, too bad! [Jeremy falls on Vicki, who is hurt.] JEREMY: Vicki? No! Oh, my god, it's Vicki! ELENA: Oh, my god! JEREMY: No! [They return at the party, Vicki is in Jeremy's arms.] ELENA: Somebody help! MATT: Vicki? Vicki, what the hell?! TYLER: What happened to her? MATT: Somebody, call an ambulance! TYLER: Everybody back up, give her some space! ELENA: It's her neck. Something bit her. She's losing a lot of blood. SOMEONE: Put this on her neck. MATT: Vicki, Vicki, come on, open your eyes, look at me. [Stefan's house.] ZACH: What's going on? STEFAN: Someone else was attacked tonight, Zach, and it wasn't me. [Stefan goes in his bedroom.] STEFAN: Damon. [A boy appears behind the window.] DAMON: Hello, brother. STEFAN: Crow's a bit much, don't you think? DAMON: Wait till you see what I can do with the fog. STEFAN: When'd you get here? DAMON: Well, I couldn't miss your first day at school. Your hair's different. I like it. STEFAN: It's been 15 years, Damon. DAMON: Thank god. I couldn't take another day of the nineties. That horrible grunge look? Did not suit you. Remember, Stefan, it's important to stay away from fads. STEFAN: Why are you here? DAMON: I miss my little brother. STEFAN: You hate small towns. It's boring. There's nothing for you to do. DAMON: I've managed to keep myself busy. STEFAN: You know, you left that girl alive tonight. That's very clumsy of you. DAMON: Ah. That can be a problem... for you. STEFAN: Why are you here now? DAMON: I could ask you the same question. However, I'm fairly certain your answer can be summed up all into one little word... Elena. [Elena watches Matt going in the Emergency's car with his sister.] BONNIE: Hey. We're gonna go mainline coffee, wait for news. ELENA: I gotta take Jeremy home. BONNIE: Elena, there's no way I'm psychic. I know that. But whatever I saw, or I think I saw, I have this feeling... ELENA: Bonnie, what? BONNIE: That it's just the beginning. [Stefan's bedroom.] DAMON: She took my breath away. Elena. She's a dead ringer for Katherine. Is it working, Stefan? Being around her, being in her world? Does it make you feel alive? STEFAN: She's not Katherine. DAMON: Well, let's hope not. We both know how that ended. Tell me something, when's the last time you had something stronger than a squirrel? STEFAN: I know what you're doing, Damon. It's not gonna work. DAMON: Yeah? Come on. Don't you crave a little? STEFAN: Stop it. DAMON: Let's do it. Together. I saw a couple girls out there. Or just, let's just cut to the chase, let's just go straight for Elena! STEFAN: Stop it! DAMON: Imagine what her blood tastes like! [Stefan's transformation starts.] DAMON: I can. STEFAN: I said stop! [They fall through the window.] DAMON: I was impressed. I give it a six. Missing style, but I was pleasantly surprised. Very good with the whole face--- thing. It was good. STEFAN: You know, it's all fun and games, Damon, huh? But wherever you go, people die. DAMON: That's a given. STEFAN: Not here. I won't allow it. DAMON: I take that as an invitation. STEFAN: Damon, please. After all these years, can't we just give it a rest? DAMON: I promised you an eternity of misery, so I'm just keeping my word. STEFAN: Just stay away from Elena. DAMON: Where's your ring? Oh, yeah, sun's coming up in a couple of hours, and, poof, ashes to ashes. Relax. It's right here. [Damon takes Stefan by his T-shirt and projected him against the wall.] DAMON: You should know better than to think you're stronger than me. You lost that fight when you stopped feeding on people. I wouldn't try it again. I think we woke Zach up. Hmm. Sorry, Zach. [Jeremy is drinking a beer. Elena arrives.] ELENA: You ok? I called Jenna, she's on her way. Those people in uniforms, last time I checked, they're the police. ELENA: People are going to stop giving you breaks, Jer. They just don't care anymore. They don't remember that our parents are dead, because they've got their own lives to deal with. The rest of the world has moved on. You should try, too. JEREMY: I've seen you in the cemetery writing in your diary. Is that--Is that supposed to be you moving on? ELENA: Mom and dad wouldn't have wanted this. [Caroline and Bonnie at Mystic Grill.] BONNIE: Are you sober yet? CAROLINE: No. BONNIE: Keep drinking. I gotta get you home. I gotta get me home. CAROLINE: Why didn't he go for me? You know, how come the guys that I want never want me? BONNIE: I'm not touching that. CAROLINE: I'm inappropriate. I always say the wrong thing. And... Elena always says the right thing. She doesn't even try! And he just picks her. And she's always the one that everyone picks, for everything. And I try so hard, and... I'm never the one. BONNIE: It's not a competition, Caroline. CAROLINE: Yeah, it is. [Matt is at the hospital. Vicky opens her eyes.] MATT: Vicki... Hey. Hey, it's ok. You're gonna be ok. VICKI: Matt-- MATT: Hey, don't try to talk, ok? You're fine. VICKI: Vampire. [Elena's house. / Stefan's house.] ELENA: Dear diary, I couldn't have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile, nod my way through it; pretend like it would all be ok. STEFAN: I had a plan. I wanted to change who I was; create a life as someone new, someone without the past. ELENA: Without the pain. ELENA & STEFAN: Someone alive. [Jeremy watches his parent's photography.] ELENA: But it's not that easy. The bad things stay with you. STEFAN: They follow you. [Caroline is lonely at the table. Damon looks at her.] STEFAN: You can't escape them, as much as you want to. [Damon smiles to Caroline.] ELENA: All you can do is be ready for the good. So when it comes, you invite it in, because you need it. I need it. [Elena sees Stefan across the window.] STEFAN: I know it's late. But, uh... I needed to know that you were ok. ELENA: You know, for months, that's all anyone's wondered about me. If I'll be ok. STEFAN: What do you tell them? ELENA: That I'll be fine. STEFAN: Do you ever mean it? ELENA: Ask me tomorrow. It's warmer in the house. We can talk. Would you like to come in? STEFAN: Yes. [Stefan enters in Elena's house.]	Plan: A: the small Virginia town; Q: Where is Mystic Falls? A: town; Q: What does Stefan Salvatore realize he is not the only vampire in? A: seventeen year old Elena Gilbert; Q: Who is in denial after her parents' deaths? A: Elena; Q: Who is hiding Stefan's true nature from her? A: her self-imposed social isolation; Q: What is Elena's main obstacle to getting over her parents' deaths? A: her grief; Q: What does Elena try to hide? A: drugs; Q: What does Jeremy turn to to avoid dealing with his own feelings? A: school; Q: What is Elena's first day back to after her parents' deaths? A: Stefan Salvatore; Q: Who is the mysterious new student that catches Elena's attention? A: Matt; Q: Who is Elena's ex-boyfriend? A: Caroline-; Q: Who is Elena's friend who is jealous of Stefan? A: her semi-rival- jealous; Q: What does Caroline see Elena as? A: Bonnie; Q: Who is Elena's friend? A: her social isolation; Q: What is Elena not convinced to leave? A: Vicki; Q: Who was bitten by Stefan's brother? A: an animal; Q: What did Matt's sister believe was biting her? A: humans; Q: What does Stefan not feed on? A: 15 years; Q: How long have Stefan and Damon Salvatore not seen each other? Summary: In the small Virginia town of Mystic Falls, seventeen year old Elena Gilbert and Jeremy Gilbert are both in denial following their parents' deaths with Elena convincing herself she's over it despite her self-imposed social isolation. Elena tries to hide her grief but this leads to her becoming emotionally withdrawn, while Jeremy turns to drugs to avoid dealing with his own feelings. Nothing goes as planned for both of them during their first day back at school. A mysterious new student, Stefan Salvatore, attracts Elena's attention. This leaves both her ex-boyfriend Matt and her friend Caroline- who also likes Stefan and sees Elena as her semi-rival- jealous. Elena's friend, Bonnie, encourages Elena to go for it and talk to him, but she is not convinced to leave her social isolation. After Matt's sister Vicki is bitten by something they believe to be an animal, it is revealed that Stefan is a vampire and is hiding it from Elena. Stefan (who does not feed on humans) realizes he is not the only vampire in town. Stefan's brother Damon Salvatore, who is the one who bit Vicki is introduced. He and Stefan have not seen each other for 15 years.
SCENE 1: Auditorium-Will, Sue and choir members Will and Sue are fighting and members of the glee club are looking them in a weird manner. Will thought: "How could we get there?! I look out of a madhouse! It does look like me pas.Wow! I knew I had the veins of the coup saillantes.Ca also been a week since it dure.Depuis the case of pseudo vitamin D that led Figgins to appoint Sue co-director of glee club.J ''m really ashamedmy comportement.Elle has managed to make me his clone! " They continue to argue. Sue thought: "Look at me, even a heart of the battle, I am of royal elegance! Majestic, like Ajax-Le-Grand, the Greek hero of the Querre Troie.Ah, it's so nice to finally break this kind of boil Will Schuester! " Will thought: "You'll shut up! Oh, it's unbelievable, is a voice yells into off.Tout began to skid seriously there's two days, just after Figgins we convened in his office. SCENE 2: (A few days before) Office-Will Figgins, Sue and Figgins Figgins: Sue, Schuester, I have sent for you to take the temperature of the glee club. Will and Sue smile at this announcement. Will: Oh, great. Figgins: Now that you work hand in hand I would like a detailed report on progress. Will and Sue begin to speak both simultaneously. Sue: I'll let you speak Will: No, go ahead! Sue: Are you sure? Will: To you the honor. Sue: Mr. Figgins, uh ... our work is going very well. Will: It takes away the word of mouth! (They laugh and Will gives a punch in player's shoulder Sue.Figgins looks, awkward silence settles douteux.Un) Figgins: No, I do not want to hear that you are looking to win the favors of students in any way soit.Est is this clear? Will: Oh! Absolutely! Flash back-room music-Will and students Will: (talking to the group) This is the communal soon, so I'd like you to tell me what registry you feel more comfortable. (Students look at). What youplease? Is there any kind of music you would want to be selected? Mercedes: Do we might not try something a little more ... black? Kurt: I agree, there is too much standard in our directory, we have to is renewed. Rachel: This is the "glee club", not "blues club" just for the record. Mercedes: You want me applatisse like a pancake? Will: (intervening before it degenerates). I agree with your ideas, thank you mercedes, thank you Kurt.J 'takes note.Autre good thing? Mike: Uh ... I can do my stuff hip-hop? Will: (embarrassed) ... I was talking about the musical register ... but it is noted, thank you Mike Beacoup. Back in the office Figgins Figgins: And do not try lesmonter against each other Sue: (taking a shocked look). It never! Flash back-office Sue-Sue, Brittany, Santana and Quinn Sue: I want to get students against each other is clear? (They nod). Quinn, the report! Quinn: Minorities find they have not voiw chapter. (Santana lowered his head discreetly) Sue: Hmmm ... Here it is our Achilles heel. I will create an environment so polluted, toxic inhospitalié and that no one wants to be part of this chorale.Comme when I sold my house in this adorable young couple.J 'have dumped tons of salt in the jardin.Si although nothing will grow there for at least one hundred ans.Pourquoi I did that? Because they wanted a new fence and that I assume the entire cost. Back in the office Figgins Figgins: The elections are approaching, what are your plans for co-directors? Will: Oh, all things considered we will direct our every number. Sue: Let's take a coin for who goes first and everything will be between civilized people anxious to respect the rules. Figgins: (a big smile). This arrangement seems more than satisfactory! (Sue and Will laugh) Will: We're thrilled! Figgins: Well ... The embrace of friendship ... (After a pause, Will laughs. Figgins insists with a look) Will: I'd rather avoid. Sue: It will not be possible. Figgins: We will adopt such a meeting after I saw your body toucher.C 'is a technique I learned in my seminar on "manadgment". Will and Sue get up and take in their arms. Will: (whispers). I will destroy you. Sue: (in the same tone). Continuous and I wreath on your jacket pov sh1t. Will: It's war. They broke the hug and make it a smirk. SCENE 3: At the gynecologist-Finn, Quinn and the doctor The doctor prepares the gel for ultrasound Quinn: I'm afraid Finn. Finn: Everything is going very well happen Doctor: He's right, at your age there is little risk that there was anything wrong. Finn: (a sigh of relief). It's great! Doctor: (getting ready to apply the gel). You will feel a slight sensation of cold. Quinn: Try not to stain my uniform please. Doctor: (after a glance abassourdis). Parfait.Puisque we talk about your age, do you think about what you will do to the baby? Finn: That's my friend ... who makes the decision. Doctor: Bien.Je do not know if it matters to you but it's a girl. Finn kisses the hand of Quinn.Il joined Will waiting in the waiting room and watches a young couple a happy reading a magazine on parenting. Finn: (talking to Will). That's it. Will: So? Finn: ... The baby will not problème.Il bien.Il there will surely be normal. (Will smiles). Thank you emmené.J 'was unable to drive. Will: I comprend.T 'not worry about it. (Finn said no more). Hey! It's okay? Finn: I'll do Non.Comment power to take care of a child? My mother wants that I have not even a goldfish. Will: (frowning). I thought Quinn wanted to adopt the baby? Finn: I'm not ... I'm not really agree but Touta way ... I have not my word dire.Ca craint.Tout this stress, and these worries ... I can not control.(Quinn arrives in the waiting room). It's been nothing sir Schuester.Vous can not understand. (He goes and leaves Will plan). SCENE 4: Corridor of the school-Rachel and Jacob Rachel takes some CHSE casier.En in his closing it, she jumps because she realizes that Jacob is right next to it. Jacob: I did a survey and they are my calcifs unanimes.C 'You're the sexiest girl in high school. Rachel: (with a disgusted look). Oh ... (she leaves but Jacob catches up). Jacob: You've had a look at my blog? Rachel: Everybody knows you're the worst commères.Et in addition, I often costs you peddled gossip. Jacob: Well, my next column do not take you to target and I do not want you to reveal cracks in the original mixed black juive.Elle Fabray.Le Quinn talks about a rumor that it will have a small belly ... Rachel: And where you want it? Jacob: What is wrong? Rachel: Archi wrong! (She leaves) Jacob: (crying) My gut tells me that you're unhappy because you do Finn Hudson has not chosen to bear his offspring! Rachel: (returning to him) What must I do to buy your silence? Jacob: Wow! SCENE 5: Music Room-Will, Sue and glee club members (Sue has a piece in his hand) Sue: Honor to femmes.Face. She flips the coin in the air. Flash back corridor of the school-Sue (on phone) Sue: (on phone). You sell in your store room trukées stuffing and jokes? Back in the music room Will grab the piece and put it on her wrist Will: (sighing). Face ... Sue: Great. (She takes out a sheet from his pocket). Okay, the following students were selected to join the elite unit of the singers who will be called ... the "Suzette." Will: Attent, attend.On was agreed not to separate them. Sue: Oh, do not face this, now, let me me play as Sue Sylvester! (Will is exasperated). With any luck this band will go down to minus commune with my proven skills of command. Will: If we divide the group into two we can not even inscrire.C it is against the rules! Sue: Are you sure? (She throws a book). Well, you better bone up on this guy, everything is dedans.Réglement of chorales.Page 24, paragraph 14, line 3-5. (Will open the book) Will: (reading aloud). "Each team must consist of 12 members but all the songs do not have to be sung by all. "(He looks up the book to watch Sue smiled ironically). Bien.Vas-there is your law! Take football players and your leaders-cheers! Sue: (talking to students). Your attention please, those whose names will follow will rise and come up behind me, right next to this thing black and shiny. Will: This thing is called a piano. Sue: Santana! The little guy in a wheelchair, the homosexual ... Go move your butt! The Asian (Tina and Mike look at each other). Both Asian!Aretha ... and Shaft. (To Will) I do not want to be part of a group that practices segregation against minorities! Will: (on edge) What are you saying you kidding me? Sue: Oh ... no, I do not care toi.Je not even think you have a serious problem! Bigotry is not a laughing matter. Santana: And that children, Sue knows! Sue: (turns back) Well done, excellent! SCENE 6: At home and Terri-Terri and Kendra Kendra on the phone Terri and Kendra are téléphone.Les children Kendra cry by turning it around. Kendra: I forgot to tell you not to prevent Quinn get vaccinated at the hospital, I'm sure it was the vaccines that have made my triplets morons! Terri: Oh! In this case I can use the money to buy vaccines for a power cradle mattress organic, after all, there is little risk that the baby is born with skin of York. Will: (taking the phone). Goodbye Kendra! (Hangs up) Kendra: J'te hate, Will! Terri: Oh bah you're bloated! You have no right to refer your frustrations on me! Will: I do not carry my frustrations on you, I just did not want to feel bullied, both at home and lycée.Je comes home, and I hear you make critical decisions for our son with your sister! I did not have the right to feel the baby move, and the only time I set foot in a gynecologist, is when I brought Quinn and Finn to the 10th week ultrasound! Terri: Oh yeah? And how's the baby? Will: He's fine, and it's a girl, but that's not what's important! Terri: Oh, and what is important, then what? Will: The important thing is that I am the father of our baby! (He rises). And I'll come with you to the next doctor visit. (He starts leaving frightened Terri) SCENE 7: Corridor high school Rachel and Finn- Finn: What did you do to buy his silence? Rachel: What fallait.L trouble is that it will take me directly to the shrink and my poor little daddies will have to dip into the kitty of my studies ... Finn: Wow, that sucks! Rachel: That's okay, I did it to protect you. Finn: And protect Quinn! Rachel: Yes, and protect Quinn, of course, that's obvious! We must stick together, eh?! Finn: (stepping in front of Rachel). And, you know, you're really great ... I'll revaudrait unjour it, Rachel, I promise! (He goes and makes a great sourire.Elle Rachel turns to leave the other side but was stopped by Jacob, which makes him lose his smile). Jacob: I want another panties. Rachel: And why, you like her not the one I gave you? Jacob: Are you kidding? Look (he leaves the panties sn bag), it is new!There is still the label! Rachel: Range it right away! Jacob: I want one that you wore, Rachel.Tu'd better deliver it to me tomorrow morning if the history of peite Quinn Fabray and the stork released into the open! I really want a kiss, then approach approach! Rachel: (pushing it). Te ADVISED not to kiss me kind of dirty pervert! Jacob: Okay, I'm off! SCENE 8: The Music Room Group-Sue Tina: I do not feel very reassured ... Artie: Me neither, not even if I knew I was coming! Mercedes: No, I think it will be super.Vous know, saw Sue's advice last night ... Flashback-emission TV-Sue and camera-man Sue: People often ask me why I am also involved in the defense of minorities. I'll tell you why. Because I know how hard it is to belong to a minority in America today. I Commenge sixteenth blood in the veins. In fact, I like minorities so I plan to live in California with the Big Dick. Back in the music room Sue: Hi kids! I came with a few guys in the orchestra. I have a feeling they will be helpful. Okay so I've selected a song that I hope will revive the flame was extinguished under the direction of Will Schuester pitiful. Mercedes: "I Hate", GNI, that's great! (Everyone laughs) Sue: Do you like her? And you, Chang, you going to do a choreography. I wanna see you doing stuff Funki style. (Mike can not believe it). You, Mercedes, I want something to Maria Carrey! Tina: I think we will ensure serious, Ms. Sylvester! Sue: Well, let's see what you can do! Music! They sing the song "hate on me" and seem happy. At the end of the song, they giggle under the eye of Will stunned looking through the glass door. SCENE 9: Hall High School, Sue and Will Will: (Sue questioning). Sue! (She does not answer). And, Sylvester, it's you I'm due! Sue: I thought that it smelled the loose! Will: Why the piano was not there during my rehearsals? Sue: A well-maintained piano is the key to success for a group of musicians. Will: You saps my authority in front of my students. Sue: My delusion of persecution is the harbinger of a skyzophrénie paranoid. (She leaves) Will: (rejoining). Wait, I have not finit.Ou increased my scores? My students need it! Sue: Your students certainly did not need to nab chronic sinusitis due to molds that plague those old sheets of paper. Will: What, you've done the analysis? Sue: No, I have burned! Will: That's not true, you've gone too far, we stop it right away! Sue: A cockfight? Great, I'll love it. Will: No! Whatever the problems between us, we will address them here and now! Is that clear? Sue: You want me to tell you, you're right, Will.J have tried to destroy your club with a conviction that I would describe as religious! And you wanna know why? Because I do not trust men who do make beautiful little curls! I can not help thinking of sparrows lay their speckled eggs in it, and I find it disgusting. Will: You have a very bad influence on these students, I think you're dangerous and you're not made for teaching! Sue: I do not care what you penses.J 'have a legacy to protect, the glee club is part and I will do our save it, you'll see I'll get there! So why must I make you turn, I hesitate! (She goes and passes a boy holding a soda). Stop drinking the sh1t! (She throws the soda on the floor). SCENE 10: At-Will and Will Terri Will is being corrected copies when Terri brought him a beer. Will: Oh! Thank you chérie.Je'll first finish my correct copies. Terri: Do you think your students were sober at the time of Interro? Honey ... I was an execrable épose lately. Will Terri, you bear my bébé.Je have no right to demand advantage of you. Terri: No, we do not become like my sister and we frère.Ecoute beautiful, baby (she sits on her lap), you know that if you have problems at school, you can count on me. Will: Uh ... thank you Terri ... but the last time you wanted to help me it was not very conclusive. (He touches his nose with his pencil to tease her). Ah ... You can not faire.La position is grave.Sue told me she acharnerai until I am fired. Terri: the more reason! You must take extreme measures! If you want to win the war is going to have you responses! SCENE 11: Outside the school-Sue and a journalist Reporter: Many of our readers-leading magazine ... cheers Sue: Let me stop you right away, it will cover? Journalist: Yes. Sue: Very bien.Dites your readers that I am a life-skills. Therefore, to encourage my daughters to émenciper I maintain a constant climate of fear irrational and random. (They arrive on the training ground or Quinn, Santana and Brittany are waiting, warming up). Speaking of terror ... Quinn, at the foot hurry up! Where are your comrades? Quinn: I'm sorry Ms. Sylvester but they are no longer eligible cours.Monsieur Schuester has repositioned ... (Sue takes a look both surprised, shocked and annoyed) SCENE 12: Office-Will Figgins, Sue and Figgins Sue: (to Figgins). This is a joke that may have international repercussions! (A Will) You are trying to undermine the role of my daughters as ambassadors! I warned the federation. Will: Sue, the QCM to a Spanish-cheers of your leaders. (He shows her a sheet). It is not even write correctly his damn nom.Et only answer I had a drawing of sombrero. Sue: Actually, you can not bear to see a woman in a position of power. Will: It has nothing to do! Sue: A psycho-sexual immaturity would be an interesting clinical case! If he did not make me, TOO COLD IN THE BACK! Figgins: Sue! Will has done research, and post the results, your students are mostly totally dyslexic! Sue: Yes, so what? Figgins: Would that last Friday, the football game, they chanted "Go Titans", by spelling "titans": TATIN! Will: Tatin! Since 1982.95 ° /. cheers for your-leaders should have been recalées.En my case I do not want to be complicit in this charade! Sue: It's going! We know all your dedication to this dialect brought you to disappear! Will: Spanish, a dialect? Sue: Let's look at things in face.J 'cause my girls to become championnes.Est do they go to college? I know absolutely nothing! And I do not care. (Will is exasperated). Should they learn Spanish, no doubt if they want to finish cleaning ladies! (Figgins sighs of discouragement). But if they want to be bankers, lawyers, or, an entrepreneur, in the end, which will serve them most in their education, is to have learned how to round off with a somersault ! Will: This is a sick! And all this happened with your blessing, Figgins!Views have authorized to make its law for years! Sue: But, say something! Figgins: (crying) All right, listen to me Sue! Will is right, you are wrong! Will: Thank you! Sue: What? Figgins: Now, finally privileges, and that's all! Ends the discussion! Will starts to go away. Will: (talking to Sue). See you in requisitioned '! (He pats her shoulder) Sue: Stop! Do not touch me! (Will the key to annoy him). It's my pot it deserves a trial and I'll paste in the ass! You're barred maal I have a witness! (Sue and Figgins are alone in the office). You forgot our little deal? Do I want to have to upload some video that you know well? Flashback Video of Figgins Figgins tries a sticky for a pub. Back in the office Figgins: Oh, Sue, I put myself on the internet if you want to know! It has been viewed 2 times that! Sue: (whispering) Damn ... Figgins: I'll tell you one good thing: everyone who cares! Sue glares at him and then goes into the office of the secretary and balance a folder that was placed on the bureau.Figgins viewed through the glass and then Sue goes ... Figgins: (panicked). No! Not students! Sue: (a student). Move! You go away! SCENE 13: Spanish Course-Will Finn, Quinn and other students Students are full contrôle.Finn pretended to stretch and then gives a paper Quinn is right behind him. Quinn: What is it? Finn: Open up, you'll see ... I thought of a nice name for our child ... Will: (seeing Finn returned). Finn! (Finn and Quinn watching Mr. Schuester). Look at your copy. (A student walks into the office of Will and Finn took the opportunity to talk to Quinn). What happened to you Remy? Finn: I read somewhere that Linette Baltrot had called her daughter Apple.Et as you know, I love apples so I thought it was so cool! So I thought we could find him a name ... so original and poetic. (Quinn opened the paper). I think I found the most beautiful name of all time!Drizle ... Quinn: "Drizle"? Finn: Yeah, it's great to call her daughter "Little Rain", I like this side a little Indian, it's nice! You got the smell of wet, it's refreshing is a feeling that I love! Quinn: You're stupid or what? Finn: What? Quinn: There is no question that it is called drizzle, we give no names to our baby just for the record ... I Lache and ends your Interro. (Brittany, sat next to Quinn, takes his sheet) What -are you doing? Makes me a leaf! Brittany: But there's stuff that I do not understand ... Quinn: I fiche.C is not my problem. (They end the Interro sortent.Finn and has a discussion with Quinn). Quinn: Sometimes I demandesi you réfléchis.Comment you can tell me about the baby's name qquand you know I want to keep it?! I'll get it passed! Finn: Yes, Quinn, I know but I know not what you expected of me ... Quinn: And bah I prefer that you be silent! Finn: But I do have my say, right? Quinn: You got nothing to say! These are not your parents that you burn as a witch if they never learn ... Finn: By the time I would like you look like a little more Rachel! Quinn: (after a pause). Yeah? Finn: Oui.Elle she listens to it even takes my moins.Et défense.Et she even takes our defense at all deux.Tu avvait knew she gave one of her panties to Jacob for that n ' not go tell all on his blog? Quinn: And you think she did it for me? Because it is a good friend? Finn: Well that's what she told me. Quinn: It seems that there are men who cheat on their wives when they are enceinte.Que I see you more with it. (She goes, after slamming the door of her locker). SCENE 14: Music Room, Will and all students in the glee club [SCENE_BREAK] All students in the glee club singing "Ride wit me." They realize that their lack sing together because they enjoy themselves tremendously. Rachel: I really prefer when they sang together. Artie: I hope our little improv quietly we do not attract trouble! (Everyone laughs). Kurt: If you miss Sylvester grabs us is cuits.Elle told me that if I sent you to speak, she'd scratch the ball. (Again, they giggle). I can not see myself with this look . Even Justin Timberlake has made Afro braids. Mercedes: We gotta run away maintenant.On has no choice, Sylvester awaits us at the dance studio in 10 minutes! (They all say goodbye but upon leaving, Will arrives. Will: Well, what are you doing here? Tina: It passed just to say hello to our friends. Will: It's gentil.Content seeing you. (They go by making hand signs). Young men, I have good friends from the orchestra nouvelle.Vos là.Et I believe are I found our song. Rachel: Sir ... It not like the new operation ... Will: Think for a second is the reaction that Sylvester wants you aillez.Renoncer will not help anyone except elle.Si it were up to me we'd all be on stage to sing with this decision communales.Mais malhaureusement m 'belongs plus.Sylvester mount his number on his side and we go up we have notre.Les Suzette chooses a song about haine.C is in the title. (It distributes the leaves). So I thought it would be nice if our approach is more pacifiste.OK, Finn and Rachel, come here, you will make the duo. Rachel: Oh! I love that song. (Takes Finn by hand under the observant eye of Quinn). ... Come quickly, we moved. Finn: All right, here we go ... I follow you. Quinn: Well thank you, hello solidarity ... Will: I warned you, you are going to have to repeat a maximum, day and night, between cours.Il must you know it like the back of doigts.D agree? Finn: Count on us sir. Will: Okay, here we go. Finn and Rachel sing the song "No Air" with a real complicity, which displeased Quinn who did not seem to like to be part of chœurs.Arrive the end of the song. Will: Epatant.J love it, well done boys. Quinn: Excuse me, you forget us? Do not move the back of the stage and stirred our butt? Flashback: Office of Sue-Sue Quinn and Sue: Redis on me word for word ... Quinn: You forget? Do not move the back of the stage and stirred our butt? Sue: Parfait.Tu'll see the other two and you tell them ... Back in the room Quinn: (to Puck and Brittany). Sue raison.Il has prejudices. Puck and Brittany will see Sue and asked him to take in their groupe.Elle welcomes them with open arms. SCENE 15: At-Will Will and Terri Terri seeks his coussin.Elle eventually find it but do not put any of suite.Elle regret seems to lie. Will: (opening the door). Honey are you here? (Terri, distraught, hurries to the coussin.Will arrives just when she puts her shirt.) We eat anything tonight? Terri: Oh, if you're hungry, it delivered something. Will: Honey, I have not asked you to put fourneaux.Mais or night you come home the first I find it normal that you take care of dinner. Terri: Wow, what authority ... what happened? Will: Oh, you know, you were right, I stood up to Sue and now she eats in the palm of your hand! Oh, I feel too good! Thank you, you're advice was wise ... Terri: You see, I have moments of fat. Will: You'll get another one next Friday at 16 heures.J 'have made an appointment with Dr. Wu Terri: My obstetrician? Will: Ouais.Je'll get to know my little boy. (He approaches her). In fact, choose what you want to diner.Tout except Chinese, right? SCENE 16: Teachers' room-Will, Sue and other teachers Will: You think you're the owner of this school? Sue: At least now you have an idea of what you did when you have robbed me of my daughters. Will: I can not do anything with 3 students! Sue: Not with the attitude that you as.Je am ready to find a compromis.Tu cheers me make my-leader, and I will make your band taps to glanders. Will Sue Sylvester, if you want to recover your illiterate you will have to pass me on the body. (He leaves) Sue: (shouting). When you want pov sucks! SCENE 17: Office of gynecologist (Dr. Wu)-Kendra and Terri Wu: I have a job very stressant.Après dentists, obstetricians have the suicide rate the highest in the profession médicale.Ca relaxes me to cut my banzai. Terri: I was crazy karate-kids film when I was a kid. Kendra: If it went straight to the point? Wu: I admit I'm curious what you expect of me since none of you is pregnant. Kendra: Doctor Wu.C is you who have made me give birth to my triplés.Et they are more stupid than each autres.Et they are all hyper-actifs.Et although neither my husband nor I're red, they are all three redheads. Wu: It's a recessive gene. Kendra: It is your théorie.Vous want to hear mine? You have given too much ossitocine during labor and it has unhinged their DNA. Wu: This is not a theory it is an invention on your part. (Kendra starts to cry). Mrs. Schuester, is that your sister is currently on anti-depressants? Terri: No, not that I know. Kendra: Here, you insult me. Terri: Are you okay? Kendra: Chut.Je will explain the situation.Mon husband work for a law firm very powerful despite the small number of his associates and I'm sure one of them would be happy to sue you. Wu: You'll never win. Kendra: I am against fiche.Il are only 2 in this gynécos ville.Il enough doubt that hangs over your reputation and I am willing to bet that the majority of your patients close again and the thighs will go straight to Dr. Chin. Wu: Good stop playing that game .. What do you want? (Kendra and Terri breathe a sigh relief). SCENE 18: Corridor of the school, Quinn and Rachel Rachel is in front of his casier.Elle closes and is preparing to hold it back in aller.Quinn. Quinn: Do you not save the yeti, I'll make a waxing. Rachel: And I did not want to fight right? (She starts to leave). Quinn: (holding her back again). Watch out, I'm watching. I'm not as stupid as you crois.Je carrying the child of Finn.Je advise you eclipsed, it is clear? I ask you as gently as possible, my vieille.Je not want to see you going around it. Rachel: You're raison.Je've not helped by goodness of heart, but because I had a view of your mec.Toi also, to be frank, you play a double game, says. Quinn: What? Excuse me? Rachel: I am reliably informed that you are the spies of Mrs. Sylvester. (Quinn laughs). Do not try to deny it, I know it's true. Quinn: I really do not see what you mean. Rachel Sylvester is not your côté.Elle is on the side of anybody except the sien.T 'have you thought about what she will do when she is aware of your situation? I paris she'll tear your uniform in the middle of the hallway, listening, every time you make of Low Mass with her, you allow him to nuir advantage of the choir, and for now, the glee club , that's all you got, then I were you I will try to distinguish between my and my real fake amis.Ah yes, and I repeat more, because obviously you need t ' express. Quinn: You have no idea how you're right. Quinn goes and sings "You keep me hangin 'on." SCENE 19: Auditorium-Will, Sue and the glee club students Will and the group on stage and getting ready to interpret their piece to the group of Sue. Rachel: (speaking). We would like you to know that even now we find ourselves on opposite sides, we hope you enjoy our number and we can not wait to see yours. Sue: OK, that's fine, go ahead, we will not spend hours! Let the music play! Will: Sue, a little respect for the work of others. (Sue pretended to be sorry, placing her hand on his bouche.Will is exasperated.) (Rachel starts singing the first sentence) Sue: All right, we stop there, we're tired entendu.Allez, lifts his bivoic. Finn: Uh ... What's the matter? There is the fire? Sue: Actually, it was hoped that you would light, but nothing. (Will begins to annoy). You know it's already bad enough that my students live in squats and eat in the evening with food aid ... Mercedes: My father is a dentist. Sue: If you inflicts more such calvère so I disagree. Come on children, we are going! Let's go eat ice cream, and it was I who invited. Will: Okay now I'm sick! Sue: What a problem? Will: Exactement.Tu have not had the Lanque wood with me so I'll make pareille.Tu're vulgar, you fart in the Joggin horrible and as a teacher you are not worth a nail. Sue: I'll note that I am an associate. Will: You got your degree in a lucky dip! Sue: You're a failed artist, that's why you're là.Tu did not have enough talent to make carrière.Tu you do not even have talent to lead this choir ridiculous that everyone is fout.Quoi you do, you COLLECTED miserably. Will: You spend most of your time échaffauder sadistic strategies to terrorize your students, so you value, but also to forget that you will end ALL ALONE! (Sue pushes Will) Sue: What right have you talking like that?! Will: I speak as I please! Back to the first scene, or Will and Sue argue strongly gesturing. Finn is Enough! I'm sorry sir Schuester, Ms. Sylvester, but if you wanted to hear mom and dad to play, those of us who still have both parents would stay home. Mercedes: I am his avis.Aller the glee club, it should be fun, and I do not like your recovery minorités.C is true, I am black, but it's really simplistic to see me that as ça.Salut I break! Tina: I do too. Rachel: Friends of the glee club, it will be an honor for me to show you how we leave the stage with panache.Je encourage you to follow my example. (Everyone in va.Sue, after looking intently Will, is as well). SCENE 20: Cabinet of Dr. Wu-Wu, Terri and Will Dr. Wu is a sheet for privacy of Terri. Will: It's necessary? What is behind this cloth is familiar to me, otherwise we would not be here. Wu: Do not formalize, it is the normal procedure. (Will sigh). Gonna Mr. Schuester? You've looked a little upset ... Will: No, I'm stressed and I had a hard day. Terri: Will you go see your child for the first time, you can forget these kids for a minute? Will: (nods). Raison.Excuse You got me. (A Wu). Oh, my parents will skin me alive if I bring not the DVD review. Wu: I had it all planned! Will: It's great! Wu: Attention gonna be cold. (He pretends to freeze and Terri laughs. Wu passes the dvd as if it was the ultrasound Terri.Will is moved.) Wu: (assuming a false air of embarrassment). Oh, wait a second ... Will: What's there a problem? Wu: Well, no sweat exactement.Ce I will tell you will perhaps disappoint you but your boy is a girl. Will: My god, something happened to her ... Wu: No, there never was, is tour.Ce is not always very clear to the first ultrasound. (Will is so moved that he has tears in his eyes) Terri: Honey, I did not know it was so important for you to have a son ... Will: It's not ça.Un boy, a girl, I will be fiche.On parents.Je not think it'd cry of happiness! Terri: Whatever happens, I do not want you forgetting just how we love!Promised? (Kisses her). SCENE 21: Office of Sue-Sue and Will Will knocks on the door. Will: Hello ... Sue: William! Closes the door. Will: Uh ... I wanted to talk about yesterday's incident. Sue: Super.Je wanted to come tell you about it too but I do not know where is your office. (She shows him the chair). I beg, sit. Will: Thank you Sue: I have decided not to co-lead the glee club. Will: Yeah? Sue: It's a gimmick that is not gronzesse moi.Je not support éfusions between ados.Sauf if they come to perform an athletic feat Will: We chained errors ... Sue: Oh, that would still like oui.Je officer as conseillère.Tu could show me your list of songs before the sélections.Pour that I seem to participate. Will: Cool. Sue: I selected clips for 2 ans.Bon, it was not for NTV, for sure. Will: Why do I feel that you're telling me a tender tracnard? Sue: Because you distrust moi.Je understand that my methods are extrêmes.Et I do not have the soul of Mary Poppins.Je do not take seriously the moods of those poor little élèves.Mais I love mymétier.Quand I train them, and they win ... It is I who gagne.Et you know how much I love winning. Will: I know. I confess, I'm not always match with my students. Sue: It's the least we can say. Will: But on reflection, I think you did not tort.Tu did well to insist on their membership to minorities ... SCENE 22: Music Room-Will, Sue and students Because ... you are all minorities ... You are members of the glee club.Vous are 12 individus.Et épauler.Vous you must have no choice! We could not care ... that Rachel is Jewish, or that Finn ... Finn: confusing the right and left! Will: (laughing) Yes it is that Santana is gênant.Ou Hispanic, or that Quinn is ... Sue: ... pregnant. (Quinn looks at her, stunned). Sorry, Quinn, it will be soon on the blog this afternoon midi.Maintenant everyone including the courant.Moi. (She exits, leaving everyone amazed) . SCENE 23: Corridor of the school, Rachel and Jacob Rachel: How could you do that? Do you realize the harm you did by unveiling this story? Jacob Sylvester me no choice ... Flash back-office Sue-Sue and Jacob Sue: (showing the pants). Today, locker searches was very intéressante.Cette grandma panties size XXL is yours, Jacob? You're a Columbian born in a body of Pierrot? Because if that's the case I believe there is a school that would suit you mieux.J 'heard she was in Thailand ... Jacob: Rachel Berry gave it to me so that I not reveal the secret of Quinn. Sue: What secret are you talking about? Jacob Quinn Fabray is pregnant. Sue: It is also no risque.La captain cheers-leaders can not be pregnant, she would endanger the future of my daughters and I will take a insulte.Si as was the case, she told me the I would dit.Quinn Fabray respecte.Elle not lie to me ever. Jacob: 3 reliable sources I have confirmé.Ne not make me renvoyer.J 'strangle history. Sue: the Non.Diffuse. Back in the hallway Jacob: I'm sorry Rachel. (He leaves). (Looking back, Rachel realizes that Finn Quinn.Ils look at each console.) Finn: It's okay ... I'll be fine ... Everything will turn out. LAST SCENE: Auditorium-All students in glee club Students sing "Keep holding on" to support Quinn.	Plan: A: Will; Q: Who does Sue accuse of neglecting the needs of minority students? A: Sue; Q: Who tries to tear the glee club apart? A: school reporter Jacob Ben Israel; Q: Who learns that Quinn is pregnant? A: Rachel; Q: Who tries to keep Jacob from breaking the news of Quinn's pregnancy? A: the story; Q: What does Sue force Jacob Ben Israel to run? A: a walkout; Q: What do the glee club members stage over Will and Sue's incessant arguing? A: her pregnancy; Q: What does the rest of the school learn about Quinn? A: Terri; Q: Who blackmails Quinn's obstetrician into faking a sonogram? Summary: Will and Sue clash over the running of the glee club. Sue tries to tear the club apart by turning the students against each other, suggesting that Will has been neglecting the needs of the minority students. When school reporter Jacob Ben Israel learns that Quinn is pregnant, Rachel attempts to keep him from breaking the news to the rest of the school, but Sue forces him to run the story. The glee club members stage a walkout over Will and Sue's incessant arguing, and rally to support Quinn when the rest of the school learns of her pregnancy. Sue steps down as co-director, and Terri blackmails her obstetrician into faking a sonogram , reinforcing her deception to Will that she is still pregnant.
[music] Phil Collins: I've always wanted to run my own business and now the dream is real. Me and Randy are having the grand opening of the Dirty Burger today. Randy's a hustler baby! Whoo. Look at these dirty things here cooking up nice. Whoa baby! [laughter] Sarah: I'm really happy for Randy with this business venture. I think him and Phil doing something that they obviously are really passionate about is just fantastic. Randy: Philly! Need some help here bud. Phil: What was that old buddy? Randy: I need you to take over. I've got to start practicing for the big jump! Phil: Oh, don't worry Randy. You'll make her buddy. You might want to lighten up on the dope though a bit eh. Our asses are on the line here. Sarah: Well, everybody in the park's talking about Randy and his big plan to jump over the cheeseburger. You know, I think it's a great idea, although he's probably not going to make it. Of course he's not. But who cares. Lucy: You know, I really believe in Randy. He's confident, he's smart, he's sexy. He's kind of sweatier than usual, but that's okay. He's working so hard to make sure that things work out with this stunt for me, for Trin and for whoever this guy is going to be, you know. Randy: Dirty balls! Lucy: Oh my god, hon, are you okay? Randy: Yeah, I'm fine. Yup. Lucy: Here. Randy: Ah! Ah, rooster nuts. My back! I just gotta hit the ramp a bit quicker Luce. Lucy: Well, you know what they say. Practice makes perfect right? Here, let me. I'll help you with this. Randy: Yeah right. Thanks. Ah! Frozen mixed vegetable cocks! [music] Sarah: Poor Jacob got dysentery from eating salamanders in the woods. He's dehydrated and pretty sick. Ricky and Julian almost killed him. I've been taking care of him for a few days. Phil: Hey Sarah. How is he? Sarah: He's good. He's still sleeping. Phil: Okay. Tom Collins: Hey Jacob. Jacob. Wake up little buddy. We gotta get some food into you. Phil: It's time to kiss the burgers. Jacob: Sarah? Sarah, is that okay? Sarah: Yeah, just one small bite. Jacob: Okay. Tom: Right here Jacob, come on. Sit up. That's it. Phil: How are they? They're too spicy. They're too damned spicy. Tom: Dad, they're amazing! They're amazing! Phil: I put in too much spice. Tom: Shhhh! Phil: How is it son? Jacob: Better than the restaurant. Phil: Baaaaaaaaaaaam! Jacob: Baaaaaaaaaam! Phil: Come on son, let's hear a baaaaam! Tom: Not doing it Dad. Phil: Ah. I got my boys, I got my burgers. That's all I got. I need to hear a baaaaam! Jacob: Just do it, Thomas. Phil: Thomas. Jacob: Please. Tom: Bam! Phil: Like you mean it. Please. Tom: Dad, you know I don't like saying bam, you guys always. It's not my style. Phil: It doesn't matter. It's for Jacob. Tom: It bothers me. Phil: Just do it! Tom: Dad, you are fcked! Sarah: How are you doing, sweetie? Good? Are you going to be okay by yourself if I go out with your Dad and your brother for a bit? Jacob: Yeah, yeah, fine. Has Julian been asking about me? Sarah: Do you want to take that? Tom: Jacob. This Julian stuff. It's weird. It has to stop okay. Phil: It's fcked up. It's fcked up. Lay off the Julian stuff. [knock] Barb Lahey: [reading] Barb, my burning desire for your love can't not be extinguished like fire. Meet me at the White Rose Inn on the Lake for all to get revealed. Your secret admirer. Hah! Mr. Lahey: You looking at Julian's bum, Barb? Barb: Don't be foolish, Jim. Lighten up, eh. Julian: Hey Shitty. Shitty Bill: Hi there. Bubbles: What do you think Julian? Julian: Bubbles, we can't use this piece of sh1t. We'll get pulled over man. Ricky: Boys, check it out. What the fck! Jacob: Hey guys. Julian: How you feeling buddy? Jacob: Good. I was wondering if I could work for you guys again. Julian: Are you sure you got your strength back? Jacob: I'm still feeling pretty weak, but I could mix drinks for you or get stuff. Julian: Alright, well you can start working again, but just small stuff for now. I don't want to see you getting fcked over like you did in the woods, alright. Jacob: Oh man, that sounds like Thomas. [music] Tom: What are you doing out of bed? Jacob: I just came to see my friends. Is that okay? Bubbles: Oh, nice job there, son of the mustard tiger. Tom: My Dad is not a mustard tiger. Bubbles: Oh, okay. Tom: Why are you still dressed up like Julian with the goatie and the black T-shirt? It's embarrassing. Jacob: Thomas. Ricky: What's wrong with trying to dress like Julian, huh? You with your big muscular car and you don't have any muscles. Bubbles: Ricky! Ricky: fck! Tom: Sixteen years of positive thinking and education have manifested themselves in a mint condition 1967 RS Camaro. Ca-ma-ro! Come on Jacob, let's get out of here right now. We're going right now. [glass breaking] Jacob: Thomas! Tom: It's okay. It's okay. Jacob: Why are you embarrassing me in front of my friends. Julian: Jacob, go spend the day with your Dad, okay? Jacob: Are you sure Julian? Julian: Yeah, go for it. Ricky: Tell your god-damned walrus daddy and Randy good luck with their stupid jump the cheeseburger horseshit. It's fcking dumb! Bubbles: That guy is intense! Mr. Lahey: Well, if you hadn't driven him away by busting his cock over every little thing, Randy would still be very much part of our lives Barb. Barb: Busting his, oh my god. Jim, you are still in love with him, aren't you? That's why you're going to this stupid burger jump with the greasy Phil Collins, isn't it? Mr. Lahey: Like I already told you, I'm only doing crowd control Barb. Just doing my job. Don't be ridiculous. Barb: Oh ridiculous. You haven't got time to take me line dancing but you've got loads of time to go and watch Randy on some bike, stoned, jump over some inflatable cheeseburger to promote his new restaurant. Mr. Lahey: I'm not just doing it for Randy, Barb. Barb: No, well why are you wearing cologne then? Mr. Lahey: Why are you wearing cowboy boots from some unknown admirer? Barb: Oh, oh, so now you're busting my dink for having a secret admirer? Now what am I supposed to do about that Jim, huh? What? Mr. Lahey: Look Barb, all I'm saying here is that if anybody should be mad, it's me. Barb Lahey: Oh well, at least somebody is paying attention to me for a change. Mr. Lahey: Oh, that's all that matters, isn't it? The princess has to be paid attention to. Look at me, I'm Miss Spoiled Rich Girl whose family owns the trailer park. And I go to university. Barb: Oh, very good impression Jim. But you know what? You neglected to add one or two points like [speaking through megaphone] I am in a relationship with a man who is in love with another man who eats fifteen cheeseburgers a day and rides around the park, high on marijuana cigarettes. Mr. Lahey: Barb, maybe you should lay off the alcohol just for a couple? Barb: Oh, do you think? Do you think Jim? Because you know what, I'm going to be totally honest with you and it's, you know, it's a bit ironic actually but, since you stopped drinking, you are not half as much fun. Mr. Lahey: Barb, I'm doing my best here. Barb: Jim, I wish you'd start drinking again! Lucy: Oh Randy, are you okay? Randy: Oh, sweet and sour chicken balls. I think I sprained it Luce. Lucy: Is it bad? Randy: Yeah, it hurts. Oh, coat of arse cocks. Lucy: Okay, you know what, we're going to go back to my place, put some ice on this. You are going to be fine. This is not a problem. Couple of hours max. Randy: Alfred Hitchcock! Lucy: Randy, enough with the cocks. Alright, let's just go. You know, you'll just walk it off. Randy, everyone's, you know, depending on you. Randy: I don't know if I can do this. Lucy: Horseshit. Oh course you're going to do it. Randy: Why can't your Dad do it? Tom: Randy, think about it. He's not an athlete like you are. He can't jump over cheeseburgers on a bike. He'll be making the burgers. Come on, Randy. It has to be you. Lucy: Thomas is absolutely right. You can do it man. The Randy Man can! Julian: Guys, guess what these are? Ricky: Milk cartons. Julian: Nope. Bubbles: Box cars for dope probably. Julian: You got her man! Things are looking good boys. Barb: Yeah, I'll say things are looking good. Can I, can I have a little word with you Julian please? They fit perfectly. Julian: Okay? Barb: So, thank you very very very much. Julian: Thank you? Barb: Oh come on, Julian. I think that we can put an end to this little charade. Ricky: What the fck are they talking about? Bubbles: Greasy stuff I'd say. Ricky: I think they might be banging. Look at them. Julian: How much have you had to drink today? Barb: Enough to know that I am finished with Jim and I can finally go with you to the White Rose Inn on the Lake, sexy. Julian: What are you talking about? Barb: Oh Julian, come on. I know. I know, that you are my secret admirer. Ricky: Well that's quite a step up in the world from banging Randy and Lahey to banging Julian, isn't it? Bubbles: That's a weird thought Ricky. Julian: There must be some kind of misunderstanding Barb. I have no idea what you are talking about. Barb: Well, right. Well. [laughter] Thank goodness for that. That would have been weird. [mumbling] Julian: Don't get me wrong. I'm flattered and everything okay. But love is going to come when you least expect it. Don't worry, it's going to happen. Sam: Surprise Phil. Found you. I'm here for my seventy-five dollars. Rent's due. Phil: Sam what are you doing here today, man? I told you tomorrow. I'm opening up here today, I can make seventy-five bucks easy. Sam: No Phil. Today. Phil: This is my opening day. Don't fck it up. Sam: I don't give a sh1t. Seventy- five dollars. Phil: It's only seventy-five bucks Sam. Sam: Seventy-five dollars, seventy- five cents, I don't give a fck. It's mine, I want it, I want it now. Or Plan B for you big guy. Phil: Yeah well the whole Plan B means you brushing your cave teeth with a log. Sam: Cave teeth? Cave teeth! It's fcking on, Phil. It's fcking on. Phil: [yelling] Sam: Why do you gotta make this get fcking ugly Phil? Just give me my seventy-five dollars. Phil: Shouldn't you be at a water buffalo lodge meeting or something? Sam: Did you not hear me, pseu- pseudio? [SCENE_BREAK] [gun shots] Ricky: fck! Sam: Now get behind the fcking wheel. The cave man's in charge. We're going to an instant teller. Bubbles: Ricky, are you alright? Ricky: A fcking lot better than the person who shot me is going to be when I fcking find them! [gun shots] Ricky: Who the fck shot me? [gun shots] Sam: fck! Tell him, tell him, fck, I don't know. Tell him to go fck himself. Phil: Rick, go, go fck yourself buddy. Ricky: Did you fcking shoot me Phil? Huh? Sam: Drive us the fck out of here! Phil: Please Sam, I need this RV. It's the only thing I got man. I'll pay you back tomorrow, I promise. Sam: fck your stupid Dirty Burgers. Drive! Nice fck up Phil. Phil: Shut up Flintstone. I'm under a lot of pressure here. fck off. Mr. Lahey: Everybody get back. Phil, you in there? What's going on bud? Phil: It's Sam. He's holding me hostage. I need your help Jimmy boy. Sam: Shut the fck up! Mr. Lahey: Yeah, shut up Phil. Sam, Jim Lahey. Sam: What! Mr. Lahey: Officer Jim Lahey. Sam: So! Mr. Lahey: Listen, I want you to talk to me. What's going on bud? What do you want this time? Sam: I just want you all to fck off! Mr. Lahey: Sam, it's gone a bit far for that. We're going to have to take this downtown. Look, I'm putting my gun away bud. Put down your weapon. Put your hands up and come on out. I'll count to ten. One Lucy: Ricky, are you alright? Ricky: Yeah, I'm fine. Randy: Back off Lucy. Ricky: fck off Randy. Bubbles: Julian, don't wipe Randy's old dirty sweat on me. Sam: fck downtown. Let's get the fck out of here. Drive, easy lover, drive! Lucy: Oh my god! [yelling] Mr. Lahey: You're making a big mistake, Sam. [yelling] Sarah: He better not fcking hit our trailer. Man's voice: Stop Phil! [yelling] Ricky: That's what happens when you kidnap a dinosaur you fcking cave dwelling prick. Sam: Barb? Barb: Will you get out of the way with the stupid Dirty Burger? Let me out of the park! Sam: Move it Phil. Mr. Lahey: Stand back everyone. They're coming out. Barb: Sam, what are you doing, running around the park, waving a gun again? Sam: Nobody fcking move! I'm searching for lost love Barb. How do you like the boots? Yes. This isn't how I wanted to tell you Barb, but I'm your secret admirer. I love you baby. Barb: So all the gifts were from you? Sam: Every one. Mr. Lahey: Let Phil Collins go, Sam. Sam: Not til I get my money. Mr. Lahey: Right now. Sam: Seventy-five dollars. Tom: Seventy-five dollars? Here's one hundred. Does that settle it? Does that settle it? What's wrong with you? Sam: None of you fcking guys know who I'm in for. None of you, none of you. Mr. Lahey: Sam, it's time to take a little trip downtown. Barb: No, Jim, Jim, Jim. Let, let, let him say what's on his mind. Ricky: fcking caves and rocks. Cars with no floors, swinging from fcking vines. You shot me, you prick Sam: Barb. Barb. Barb. I've banged, made love to a lot of women in my life. And a couple of dudes too, but that's not important. What's important is, I can't not live with no woman but you. I love you baby. Just you. Barb: Sam, I, I might be drunk but that is the sweetest thing anybody's ever said to me. Sam: Come away with this old cave man Barb. To the White Rose Inn. They got a great muffin there baby. Barb: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I, I will. So Jim, are you going to try and stop me. Randy: You deserve better, Mr. Lahey. Mr. Lahey: Well, if that's what you want Barb. Sam: Thanks Jim. Let's go. Ricky: Will somebody please try to explain what the fck just happened here? Sam: Cave man always gets the girl Ricky. Phil: Boys, I can't go through with this opening. Tom: Dad! Phil: The Dirty Burger almost killed me, boys. fck it! To hell with it. Tom: Come on Dad. Give me a bam! Come on Dad. Phil: No, not now son. Not now. Jacob and Tom: Bammmmmmm! Phil: Boys, I can't give you a bam, but I can give you a green eggs and hammmmmmm! All: ammmmmmmmmm! Phil: We can do this! [laughter] Thanks girls. That's great. Just line em up here. Lots for the customers. [Cheering] Randy: How are you doing, Mr. Lahey? Mr. Lahey: Randy, I'm begging you. Please don't do this. I can't take it. I'm this close to going back to drinking bud. Randy: It wouldn't be my fault Mr. Lahey. Listen, you got any dope on ya? Mr. Lahey: No I don't Randy. Are you sure you can do this without killing yourself? Randy: Thanks for the vote of confidence Mr. Lahey. Phil: Hey Rand, come over and get your gear on buddy. Ricky: Are you going to do this thing or what Randy? Randy: Geez guys, my ankle's a little sore. I don't know if I can do this. Phil: Randy, make this jump, you'll be a living legend. No telling how far the Dirty Burger'll go, huh? Randy: I don't know if I can do it guys. I really don't know. Phil: Man, it'll look great. Don't you worry about it. Let's get this gear on. Tom: [through megaphone] Ladies and Gentlemen. The moment you've all been waiting for. Randy will jump the cheeseburger. Ricky: You look fcking stupid with all that padding and sh1t on Randy, you dummy. [applause] Ricky: Come on Randy! What's that?! Bubbles: Oh, nice jump Randy. Whoo! Randy: I can't do this guys. I can't do it unless I'm stoned. Phil: Come on man, it's the Dirty Burger. You've got to. There's no choice in the matter. Randy: I've gotta be high. I'm not doing it. Phil: Randy Jesus! You've got to fcking do it man. [yelling] Tom: Dad, take it easy! [yelling] Randy: Frig off. Tom: Dad! Dad, you're losing it. [yelling] Ricky: That whole family is so fcked! Tom: Dad, please take it easy! Randy: You're taking this Dirty Burger thing way too seriously Phil. If I had some dope, I'd do this. Phil: Well go see your precious Julian and get him some dope. Tom: Dad, he can't be on drugs when he does the jump. Phil: He's got to be. We have no choice. Tom: Drugs are wrong. Phil: Any other time but we gotta do it up. Just fcking do it! Jacob: Let me see if I can hook us up Thomas. Ricky: What the fck do you want toughie? Tom: I'm not here to fight, okay? Randy will not make that jump unless he's high on marijuana. Ricky: High on marijuana. Big fcking surprise! Well, you're not getting it from me cause this is my personal stock. From the captain's cupboard, alright. It's my best stuff and I'm not giving it to Randy. Jacob: Come on, it's an emergency guys. We just need a bud. Please Julian. Julian: Ricky, just give him a hit off this thing so we can get this jump underway please! Ricky: Randy, are you going to do this or are you too fcking scared? Randy: Ricky, I just need to get high. Ricky: fck you're sweating. Randy: No sh1t. Ricky: Yeah man, that's why I'm here. Be careful with that. It's my personal stuff. It's kick ass. You only need a little tiny bit. Randy: Thanks a lot Ricky. This is awesome. You saved the day. Ricky: Alright, that's good. That's all you need man. I'm serious. Get the fck out there and don't let us down. We're all high as fck. Good luck. Randy: Thanks Rick. Ricky: Alright, he's going to do it. Bubbles: Look at him. He looks like a hairy robot. [applause] Ricky: He's pretty fcking high. [cheering] Bubbles: Oh my god, he's down. Lucy: Somebody call an ambulance. Mr. Lahey: Randy. Randy, are you okay? Phil: This is drugs. See what drugs did. Ricky: fck, don't fcking shove me. Can't you see I've been shot here you fcking walrus. [yelling] Randy: We did it Phil. Phil: We sure did Randy. We sure did. Bubbles: Hang in there Randy. Lucy: Take it easy honey. Get well, soon. Bubbles: Poor Randy.	Plan: A: Randy; Q: Who jumps over a giant cheeseburger? A: the final preparations; Q: What are Phil Collins and Randy busy with before the opening of "The Dirty Burger"? A: a giant cheeseburger; Q: What does Randy jump over in a bicycle stunt? A: Sam Losco kidnapping Phil; Q: What happens when a dispute over money ends? A: Jacob's hot-headed older brother; Q: Who is Thomas? A: Jacob; Q: Whose brother Thomas arrives in Sunnyvale? Summary: Phil Collins and Randy are busy with the final preparations before the opening of "The Dirty Burger", highlighted by a bicycle stunt in which Randy jumps over a giant cheeseburger. A dispute over money ends with Sam Losco kidnapping Phil. Jacob's hot-headed older brother Thomas arrives in Sunnyvale.
"Destiny" 22nd Episode of Roswell Production Code: 1ADA21 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode begins where The White Room left off. Michael and Valenti have reached the gate around the compound with Max where everyone is waiting.) Michael: That won't keep Pierce for long. We've got to get Max out of here. Sheriff: I know somewhere safe. It's an old silver mine in Galitas off horseshoe road. If we make it there, it will buy us some time. We should split up, make it harder for them to follow. Come on. Come on. Liz: Max, are you alright? Tess: Where's Nasedo? Michael: Just get in the jeep. Sheriff: Come on! Let's go. Michael: I don't know about this. Max: I trust him. Sheriff: Come on. Isabel: Clothes. (Liz and Max drive off in the Jetta, Valenti is in his patrol car, and everyone else is in the Jeep. They each take a different road.) (Max is dressing.) Liz: Max, what did they do to you? Max: It's over. Listen, Liz, if we ever get out of this... (The back window is shot out of the Jetta. They get out and run into the trees.) Liz: Let's go. Let's go. Come here. (The FBI guys chase them.) Max: Go. Liz: Come on, come on, Max. Max: Go. Go. (They double back onto the road. The agents follow and now have them surrounded.) Liz: Come on. (Liz and Max climb up onto a guard rail, and jump off into a river.) (Credits.) (Liz and Max are making their way down a stream. They come to a junk yard, of sorts.) Liz: We've got to hide. Come on, in here. Come on, Max. Come on, in here. Come on. (They enter an overturned delivery truck .) I think we'll be safe in here for a while. They don't know how far down river we got. Max. (They kiss. Liz gets flashes of some of the things that happened to Max in the White room.) Max. (Going down the road.) Tess: How could you leave Nasedo there? Michael: Listen, he might not have made it, alright? We heard gun shots. Tess: Michael, listen to me. We have to turn around. We have to go to the pod chamber. Michael: What are you talking about? Tess: Nasedo told me that if anything ever happened to him, to go to the pod chamber. Isabel: What are we supposed to do? Just go there and wait? How will anyone know where we are? Tess: Max will know. He'll find us. Maria: Well what about Liz and Valenti? What happens to them? Alex: No, look, we said we'd meet at Galinas. If we don't go now, we may never see them again. Isabel: Alex is right. We don't do anything without everyone. Tess: But without Nasedo, we have nothing. Michael, I'm telling you, turn around. Our lives depend on it. Everything depends on it. Michael: No, we're not leaving anyone behind anymore. All right? We're going to the mine. (In the overturned van.) Liz: So everything Nasedo told me was true. You and Tess were meant to be together. Max: Liz. Liz: I mean, it's your destiny, right? Max: I wish I could go back Liz. Back to when things were normal. Liz: Me, too. I just wish that I could have stopped you from saving my life that day in the CrashDown. Max: Don't say that. Liz: Max, the day that you saved my life, your life just ended. Max: No, that was the day my life began. Liz, when I was in that room, and they did what they did to me. You're what kept me alive. The thought of you. The way your eyes look into mine. Your smile. The touch of your skin. Your lips. Knowing you has made me human. Whether I die tomorrow or fifty years from now, my destiny is the same: it's you. I want to be with you, Liz. I love you. Liz: I love you. (They kiss.) (At the silver mine.) Michael: Where's Max and Liz. Sheriff: They're not back yet. Isabel: We took the long way. They should have gotten here before us. Michael: It'll be light in an hour. They're still out there. Sheriff: I'm going back and retrace the route. Michael: I'm going with you, you may need me. Sheriff: The rest of you wait here. Don't make a move without us. Maria: Michael! Michael. Michael: I'll be back with him soon. Don't worry. (At the overturned van. A car engine wakes up Max and Liz.) Max: Let's go. (They run off.) (Going down the road.) Michael: Why are you helping us? Sheriff: There's a right side here and a wrong side. I don't think Pierce is on the right side. Besides, I like to think that if my son were in trouble somewhere and I wasn't around to help, that somebody would be there for him. (In a washout, the FBI Hummer from last night suddenly appears behind Max and Liz just as Valenti nears.) Michael: There they are. Stop the car. (Michael uses his powers to disable the Hummer. Max and Liz get into the patrol car.) Get in. Let's go. Max: What did you do? Michael: I don't know. Max: What do you mean you don't know? Michael: I don't know, just go! Come on, go. Go! Go, or get out! (They drive off.) (At the silver mine.) Sheriff: We'll be safe here for a while. Michael: There is no safe anymore. (Michael goes inside.) Max: Go ahead. I'll be right in. (Liz goes inside.) Sheriff: Tell me what just happened back there, Max. All this time, I thought it was just you. It's Michael, too, isn't it? Isabel? My god. Man. Max: You swore to me that we could trust you. I need to trust you right now. It's our lives, Sheriff. There's no time for doubts. Sheriff: Well, it's my life, too, and I need to know everything. Max: We don't know where we're from. We don't know why we're here. Liz, Alex and Maria are the only ones who know. And now you. We don't want to hurt anybody, Sheriff, we just want to stay alive. Sheriff: I keep thinking about my father. He was right. Max: But he would have turned us in. What are you going to do? (Inside the mine.) Michael: I don't know how I did it. I don't even know what I was trying to do. It just happened. Tess: It's just your own energy, Michael, and how you focus it. That's what Nasedo was trying to teach you. Isabel: So you did this in front of Valenti? Michael: Well I couldn't let them get caught. Isabel: This changes everything. Michael: Yeah, don't you think I know that? Alex: So what is Valenti going to do? What are we all going to do? Max: We're going to think this through, and we're not going to panic. Isabel: So, you think we should trust Valenti? Max: We have no choice. Tess: Yes we do. We can go to the chamber and be safe, just the four of us. Nasedo will rescue us, and Pierce doesn't want the rest of you. Max: Well, Nasedo isn't here. And Pierce will do anything to anybody if he thinks he can get to us. Michael: Well we sure as hell can't stay here the rest of our lives. Isabel: What do you mean? Leave Roswell for good? Michael: Maybe Tess is right. If the four of us leave, maybe the rest of you could... Maria: No. I'm staying with you. Alex: So am I. Liz: Yeah, we all are. Michael: So where do we go? Max: We're not going anywhere. We're taking our lives back. Michael: What? Max: When Pierce told me the things they had done to the other alien... I'll die before I let that happen to any of you. Isabel: Then we have to run. Max: If we run, then he'll just keep hunting us and there's no coming back. Are you willing to never see home again? Any of you? Then we have to fight. Alex: Fight the most elite unit in the FBI. Isabel: Who now knows who we are and everything about us. Max: Pierce does know who we are. But we also know who he is, and we're stronger than he thinks. We may be even stronger than we think. (Outside the mine, Valenti is listening to his Police radio.) Voice 1: ...hasn't checked in? Voice 2: The last time we saw him, he left here with the Parker girl. That's the six kids all together and the Sheriff. Voice 1: Don't worry, deputy, I've already contacted headquarters in Albuquerque. They're handling the search from there. Voice 2: What about the Sheriff's boy? Somebody ought to look in on him. Voice 1: I already talked to him. I got somebody with him right now. Voice 2: I'm sure the Sheriff will appreciate that when we find him. Sheriff: Pierce. Voice 1/Pierce: Oh, I'm sure he will, too. (At the Valenti residence.) Kyle: I want to know what the hell is going on. Agent 1: My orders are to protect... Kyle: Protect me from any harm. I know. You told me. Look, if my dad's in any trouble, I have to know about it. (Across the street from the Crashdown, Liz and Tess are in the Jeep. In a door way, Michael and Isabel are watching an Agent. [AGENT 2]) Michael: There he is. Isabel: What if this doesn't work? What if we can never go home again? Michael: It has to work. How much time? (They step into sight of Agent 2 who begins to follow them.) (Across the street.) Tess: It's time. Liz: What are you going to do? Tess: I'm going to make them see Pierce. (Pierce appears in front of the agent.) Pierce: Agent Bellow, I'll take it from here. Agent 2: Yes, sir. (At the Valenti residence.) Pierce: Agent Samuels. Agent 1: (To Kyle) Stay here. (Both Pierces.) PIERCE: Go to Hondo. There's an abandoned gas station three miles east of town. Go there and wait for me. Agent 1: Yes, sir, Agent Pierce. (Outside the Crashdown.) Agent 2: I'll wait in Hondo for your instructions sir. (At the Valenti residence.) Agent 1: I understand. Hondo. Kyle: Who the hell are you talking to? Hey! (Outside the Crashdown.) Liz: You told them both at the same time to go to Hondo? Tess: Pierce told them to go to Hondo. Liz: Can you just do that with everyone? Make them see things that aren't even there? Tess: Sometimes it's easier to do that than to make someone see something that's right in front of her eyes. (At the Valenti residence.) Agent 1: What the hell just happened here? Kyle: I was kinda hoping you could tell me. (Max comes in and punches out the agent.) What are you doing? He's an FBI Agent. Max: He's not what you think he is. Kyle: I should have known it! Where the hell's my father? Max: Safe. That's all I can tell you right now. Kyle: Well that's not good enough. Max: It'll have to be. (Max stuffs the agent into a closet.) Turn around. Kyle: What? No. Max: I said turn around! (Max melts the lock on the closet door.) Kyle: Look, if anything happens to my father because of you, I swear to God, I will kill you myself. Max: I can't explain anything right now. This wasn't supposed to happen. Your father's ok. Just stay put. He doesn't want you involved. Don't let him out of there and we'll all be ok. (Max leaves. Kyle grabs a coat and heads for Valenti's gun case.) (In Sheriff Valenti's office.) Pierce: If you're here to kill me, Sheriff, it won't do any good. There'll be a new man in charge of the unit in twenty-four hours. Sheriff: If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead already. Pierce: Then why are you here? Sheriff: Because I'm scared. For myself, for my son, for all of us. Pierce: You didn't seem scared last night when you put a bullet six inches from my heart. Sheriff: There were things I didn't know last night. Things that change everything. Pierce: I don't think anything's changed. I think they sent you here. Sheriff: Damn it. This is bigger than you can imagine. I heard them. I know their plan. Right now, they're disabling your agents, one by one. You don't believe me. Get them on the radio. Go on. Pierce: Agent Bellow. Agent Bellow, come in. Bellow. Samuels, can you read me? This is Pierce. (To Valenti.) I want those aliens. Sheriff: But first, we deal. My name stays clean. I get a government pension for me and my father for the rest of our lives and nobody bothers us. Nobody. And my son, he stays protected. Pierce: I'll get the three of you new identities. But you... you will show me where they are. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the UFO Center, Liz, Isabel and Tess go into the office. Valenti and Pierce are waiting at the foot of the stairs.) Pierce: Soon as we see them all, shoot to kill, Sheriff. Sheriff: What about the civilians? Pierce: There's always a price to pay for freedom. (The lights go out.) Sheriff: Pierce! (The lights come back on. Valenti and Pierce are laying on the ground. Max and Michael are pointing their guns at them.) (In the auditorium, Pierce is tied to a chair, Valenti is handcuffed.) Max: I can't believe I trusted you. (He nods to Michael who escorts Valenti away.) (In the storage/prop area.) Michael: I always thought you were out to get us. And I'm glad I was wrong. (He removes the handcuffs and returns the gun.) Sheriff: I'll take care of Pierce as soon as Max gets what he needs. Michael: What are you going to do? Sheriff: There's this guy I know at the Attorney General's office. I already put in the call. Michael: You think the government's going to do something about Pierce? He part of it. Sheriff: He's not the good part of it. See, we don't tolerate secret government action in this country. At least not once the press gets a hold of it. Michael: I hope you're right. Sheriff: It's time for this to be over. (In the auditorium.) Max: Good evening, Agent Pierce. You know who I am. I know who you are. And now you're going to tell me everything. Pierce: I've got nothing to say. Max: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. It's up to you. What happened to Nasedo? Did you capture him? Did you Kill him? Tell me? (In the office.) Alex: Max is pounding him with questions. Maria: He isn't going to answer them. Alex: That's why we have Isabel. Isabel: I've never dream-walked anyone who wasn't asleep before. Tess: But you did it to Max when he was captured. Isabel: He was drugged. He didn't fight it. Pierce isn't going to do that. Tess: If you can just get in, even a little, you'll see his answers. (In the auditorium.) Max: What happened to Nasedo? Where is he? You know what I can do to you. Tell me what I'm asking or I will take you apart piece by piece and make sure you stay conscious enough to feel every second of it. Pierce: Untie me and I'll take you to him. Max: So you do know where he is. (In the office, Isabel begins a dream-walk. She sees Pierce zipping Nasedo into a body bag.) Pierce: There's a Helo meeting us at Jeffords Airstrip out by Hobson. Hold the body there until I bring the others. (The body is put into an armored truck, and the dream-walk ends.) Alex: What did you see? Isabel: I'm sorry. It looks like he's dead. Tess: He's not dead. He can't die. Liz: Tess, what do you mean he can't die. Tess: He said that if this ever happened, that we had the power to bring him back. Alex: How? Tess: He told me to find this Indian called Riverdog. He has these stones. Isabel: The healing stones. Tess: You know about them? Maria: Yeah, we already have them. Tess: Then all we need is Nasedo. You did see where they took him? Isabel: Yes. (In the storage/prop area.) Michael: So, this guy at the Attorney General's... Sheriff? Sheriff: Hm? Michael: The one you called? Is he coming here, or are you taking Pierce to him? Sheriff: I haven't decided yet. Michael: There is no guy, is there? Sheriff: If I turn him in, I turn all of you in. He kills people, Michael. It's what the guy does. He killed Topolsky, and Stevens, and six innocent people in that hospital, and who knows how many others. And he was just about to kill all of you. (In the auditorium, Kyle sneaks in.) Pierce: Hey, Kyle. Kyle. It's Max Evans and the others. They have your father. Kyle: Where? Pierce: I can't tell you, now, just untie me. They'll be back in seconds. Hurry up. (He spots a gun tucked into Kyle's waistband.) Kyle, give me that. Give me that gun. What are you doing with it? Get out of here. Go hide. (Kyle disappears and Pierce waits in the chair with the gun hidden. Max, Michael and Valenti walk by. Pierce shoots at them and misses. Valenti fires repeatedly in the direction that Pierce had fled. He is reloading when Pierce comes back.) Michael: NO! (Michael uses his powers to knock him backwards into the wall. Valenti checks him) Sheriff: He's dead. (Looking at the gun he took from Pierce.) It's one of mine. (He looks behind the curtain.) No. Oh no. (Spots Kyle, who has a bullet hole in his chest.) No. Aw, no, Kyle! Aw, geez, no! NO KYLE! Augh! Help. Help me. Somebody, help me! Augh. Save my son, please. (Max heals Kyle.) Kyle: What the hell just happened to me? Sheriff: I don't care who you are, or what you are. I'll be here for you. I need a moment alone with my son. (Valenti hugs Kyle.) (Max goes to Michael who is standing off to one side.) Max: You were just trying to stop him. I know you didn't mean to kill him. Michael: But that's just it. I wanted to kill him. I mean, that's all that I could think about. I wanted him dead. Knowing that, I just did it. It just happened. What kind of person does that make me? Max: We would have been dead if you didn't help us. Michael: No! The bottom line Maxwell, I kill people. I kill people, you heal them. (Maria walks over) You're good, and I'm bad. Max: It's not true, Michael. Michael: Just get out of here. Maria: What are you talking about? Michael: It's not safe. Maria: It's never been safe. What difference does it make now? Michael: No, I'm not safe. All right, I mean, I can do these things that I can't control. Look at what I did to Pierce. I'm not going to take that chance with you. I don't want you to be around for what's going to happen. Maria: Wait. Don't do this to me Michael, please. You need me now, more than you have before, alright? Michael: No, I don't need anyone. Maria: Well, maybe I do. Did you ever think of that? I mean, look at Max and Liz. They can't bear to be separated. But you, you can just throw me away. Just like that. Why is that, Michael? Why? Michael: Maybe because I love you too much. Goodbye. (He leaves.) Alex: I know what you need to do, and that you need to do it alone. (He embraces Isabel.) Good luck. Tess: We have to get Nasedo. Isabel: I know where he is. Max: We've got to go. Now. I can't make you do this. Liz: Max, you're not making me do anything. We choose our own destinies, remember? (At the deserted airstrip two agents are guarding a truck.) Michael: Hey, over here. (Isabel clobbers Agent 3 with a board.) Agent 4: Hey what's going on? (Max hits Agent 4.) Max: Go! (They climb into the truck.) Isabel: It's him, it's Nasedo. Let's go. (They drive away.) (At the pod chamber. Liz is off to the side while the aliens use the healing stones.) Isabel: Are you sure this is him? Michael: This is who he was last time I saw him. (They heal Nasedo.) Tess: I knew you wouldn't leave us. Nasedo: You're not ready to be left alone. Michael: You're right, we need you. Show us how the orbs work. Nasedo: She doesn't belong here. Max: She's with me. We want to know. You're the only one who can show us. Nasedo: It's not my job to show you. My only job is to keep you alive. Max: Your job? Michael: Well if your only job is to keep us alive, then tell us. They're communicators. They communicate with who? Nasedo: You're not ready to know yet. Michael: They communicate with our home planet, don't they? Why don't you want us to contact them? Nasedo: Because you don't know who else you may contact in the process. Isabel: Who else is there? Nasedo: Set off those orbs, and you have no idea who you may be leading straight to us. Max: You don't know, do you? You don't know how to use the orbs. If you knew, you would've already used them. You're here to protect us, but not to lead us, you said it yourself. But if you're not the leader, who is. (Everyone looks at Max.) Nasedo: If you really want to know what the orbs do, you can find out for yourselves, I can't stop you. But do it at your own risk. Max: If you're really here to protect us, there's something you have to do. The only way we can ever go back is if nobody's hunting us anymore. Michael: Pierce is already dead. Max: He'll only be replaced, unless we replace him. (Nasedo shape-shifts into Pierce.) The other agents are at an abandoned gas station in Hondo. Nasedo: Now that I'm the head of their Special Unit, we've have all their resources. You'll be safe now. (He leaves. Max picks up an orb and goes to Tess. Michael and Isabel get the other orb.) Max: I want to know. Maybe if we just focus like Nasedo's always said. (They concentrate. The orbs shoot up a blue light, and a beeping sound, like a beacon, is heard. Another blue light floats into view, and transforms into a woman.) Woman: If you are seeing me now, it means that you are alive and well. I take this form because it will be familiar to you, and it will help you to understand what I am about to say. You have lived before. You perished in the conflict that enslaves our planet but your essence was duplicated, cloned, and mixed with human genetic materials so that you might be recreated into human beings. My son, you were the beloved leader of our people. I have sent with you your young bride. My daughter, the man you were betrothed to, and your brother's second-in-command. Isabel: Oh my god, Max. Our mother. Woman: Our enemies have come to the Earth. You will know them only by the evil within. Learn enough to use your skills, your knowledge, your leadership to combat the enemy so that you can come back and free us. And that I may once again hold you both in my arms. I live for that moment. Help us. I love you. Isabel: She's so beautiful. Michael: I always knew there was something out there, but I had no idea how important it was. Max: Things will never be the same, but whatever happens, we have to stay together. It's the four of us now. Tess: I knew this was meant to be. Max: No. (To Liz.) Look, everything I told you before is still true. Liz: Max, you do have a destiny. You just heard it. I can't stand in the way of it. Max: But you mean everything to me. (They kiss.) Liz: Goodbye, Max. (She leaves.) Max: Liz. (Outside.) Liz. Liz, wait. (She turns to look at him, then runs off.) Michael: (Restraining him.) You gotta let her go. (Tess and Isabel join them.) Tess: What happens now Max? (Someone far away, in a car, has a little black beeper that has a flashing pentagon on it. It is making the same beacon sound as the orbs.) Person: It has begun. (Scene after scene of different locations around the globe where the same beacon sound and flashing light can be seen and heard.) (End of episode.)	Plan: A: questions; Q: What does Agent Pierce ask Max? A: Agent Pierce; Q: Who is Max facing in the white room? A: Isabel; Q: Who telepathically contacts Max? A: a rescue mission; Q: What do Michael, Isabel and Tess set out on? A: Alex; Q: Who is left behind with Liz and Maria? Summary: Max finds himself in a white room with no windows or doors, facing questions by Agent Pierce. Isabel telepathically contacts Max, who leaves her clues to his location. Michael, Isabel and Tess then set out on a rescue mission leaving Alex, Liz and Maria behind. To be continued...
OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory walks out of her bedroom with some beauty products. She goes into the living room to pack them in a suitcase] RORY: I've got too much stuff. LORELAI: [calls from upstairs] What? RORY: Stuff! And it's your fault. You inculcated into me a tolerance for rampant consumerism. LORELAI: What? RORY: When did I become one of those girls with dozens of beauty products, none of which are expendable? It used to be a touch of mascara, dab of Coppertone, zip, bam, boom, out the door. LORELAI: I heard copper and boom. RORY: Never mind. And what's going on? We're late. LORELAI: I'm looking for the camera. RORY: Oy vey, she's looking for the camera. LORELAI: I heard that. RORY: That she hears. [Lorelai comes down the steps] LORELAI: It is my prerogative as your mother to record any event in my daughter's life that I so choose. It's in the mother's handbook. RORY: Does Luke know that you can't drive a stick? LORELAI: Why? RORY: Because you borrowed his truck and it's a stick. LORELAI: I can drive a stick. RORY: You can stir coffee with a stick, but you can't drive a stick. LORELAI: Okay, I am glad I did not choose to record that particular moment in my daughter's life 'cause that was just ugly. RORY: I just want you to get there in one piece. LORELAI: You look out for me. RORY: Let's hit the road. LORELAI: Oh, wait, wait, this is it! This is the precise moment that I've been looking for. This is my daughter going off to college, this is my shot! RORY: Okay, fine. LORELAI: Okay, I'm lining you up, now look candid. RORY: Okay, see, the very definition of candid means that the subject doesn't know the picture's being taken. LORELAI: So forget the camera's there. RORY: I'll try. LORELAI: And smile. RORY: Okay, okay. [Lorelai takes a picture] LORELAI: I'm not happy. RORY: Why? LORELAI: It looks posed. RORY: How about this? LORELAI: Yeah, you know the stick we were talking about before? It looks like it's somewhere else now. RORY: You're having serious Annie Leibovitz delusions here. LORELAI: But it just looks like you're standing in the house. No one will know that you're going off to college. RORY: Shall I hold a sign? LORELAI: Or you could do the "going off to college" walk. RORY: The what? LORELAI: The walk, the this. [imitates the walk] RORY: You look like Alfalfa coming to pick up Darla. LORELAI: Here, hold some of your stuff. At least it'll look like you're moving or something. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Ugh, it looks like you're taking out the trash. RORY: Okay, that's it, we're going. LORELAI: All right. I'll just have to make do with one of the pictures I already took. RORY: Good. LORELAI: Ooh, I'll put it on the computer and then superimpose an important person standing next to you seeing you off, like Kissinger or Lady Bird Johnson or Pat Summerall or something. RORY: Pat Summerall? LORELAI: Well, you think of somebody better. RORY: Orson Welles. LORELAI: It can't be a dead person. RORY: Pat Summerall's dead. LORELAI: No, he's not. RORY: Pat Summerall is dead. LORELAI: No, I'm telling you, he's not. Lady Bird Johnson is dead. RORY: No, she's not. LORELAI: How much you wanna bet? RORY: Five bucks. LORELAI: Let's google him right now. RORY: Mom, Yale? LORELAI: Yeah, Yale can wait for us to google Pat Summerall. RORY: Come. LORELAI: Where are your priorities? [opening credits] CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Rory walks in and sits at the counter] RORY: Hey, Luke. LUKE: Hey, Rory. Isn't today Yale? RORY: Um, yeah, I'm going right now. LUKE: You look so calm. How do you feel? RORY: A little nervous, but a last Luke's fix before I go will help. LUKE: Well, today is whatever you want on the house. RORY: Wow, I feel important. LUKE: You are important. Where's your mom? RORY: She's coming. She's having a wee bit of trouble with your truck. [Luke looks out the window and sees Lorelai backing his truck toward the diner] LUKE: What is she doing? RORY: Well, she, uh, backed the truck out of our driveway all fine and everything, but once she hit the road, she couldn't get it out of reverse, so she - LUKE: Backed it here? RORY: Slow but steady. [Luke walks outside to the truck] LORELAI: Something's wrong with your truck. LUKE: Nothing's wrong with my truck. Stop the truck. LORELAI: It won't go out of reverse. LUKE: You can't drive a stick. LORELAI: I can't drive an uncooperative stick. LUKE: My stick's not uncooperative. Come on, hit the brakes. [Lorelai stops the truck and gets out. Luke gets in] LORELAI: Okay, good luck. I don't think it's gonna happen. [Luke drives the truck forward and parks it along the curb] LORELAI: This is a misogynistic truck! LUKE: What? LORELAI: It's anti-woman, it's gender-selective, it's "Oh, let's drink a beer and watch the game and hike our shorts up." [Luke gets out of the truck and they start walking toward the diner] LUKE: I changed my mind, you can't borrow my truck. LORELAI: But it's full of our stuff. LUKE: You should've hired movers. LORELAI: You could've said no when I asked to borrow the truck. LUKE: You said you could drive a stick. LORELAI: Yeah, not the Joe Sixpack of sticks. Not the "Oh, let's scratch our bellies and eat some corn nuts and pick our teeth." [they walk into the diner] LORELAI: Really, Luke, I can drive it. LUKE: Okay, fine. Just be careful and have it back by four. LORELAI: Four-ish it is. LUKE: Four, I need it at four. LORELAI:: Give or take a few min- LUKE: Four. LORELAI:: God, he's so possessive about the stupid truck. LUKE: It's my truck, I possess it! LORELAI:: I'm just kidding. I'll have it back by four, calm down. LUKE: Okay, I'm just. . .I'm not in much of a kidding mood with all this other stuff going on. Divorce papers. Fun, huh? LORELAI: Zero fun. Sorry, Luke. LUKE: It's not that I wasn't expecting them, it's just. . .the law firm that Nicole works for sent them. I called with a simple question they could've answered over the phone, but they insisted on sending someone down to see me. LORELAI: I take it you're not looking forward to that. LUKE: I'm about to build a moat of fire. CAESAR: Here you go, Rory. [hands her a bag] RORY: Thanks, Caesar. Since we were short on time, I had them make us something to go. My Yale special. LORELAI: Oh, share, share. RORY: Sausage wrapped in a pancake tied together with bacon. LORELAI: You made that up? RORY: I don't know how I do it. LUKE: Here. [shows Lorelai a piece of paper] LORELAI: What's this? LUKE: A shift diagram for the truck, nice and simple. D is for drive, R is for - LORELAI: The R in drive! LUKE: R is for reverse. LORELAI: Right, reverse. LUKE: And one is - LORELAI: The loneliest number that you'll ever know! LUKE: The first gear. LORELAI: I know, Luke. Really, I can handle it. LUKE: I hope so. RORY: Thanks, Luke. LUKE: Good luck, Rory. [sees a man enter the diner] Oh, goody, a guy in a suit. LORELAI: Good luck to you. [Lorelai and Rory leave; the man walks up to Luke] RUSSELL: MR. Danes? LUKE: Unfortunately. RUSSELL: I'm Russell Bynes. I'm with Blodgett, Sage, Albet, Pettruccio, Stein, Lemming, and Stein, attorneys for Nicole Diana Leahy. LUKE: And the sun just went down, thanks for coming. RUSSELL: Pardon me? LUKE: You're wasting your time. I had a simple question, where do I sign? It didn't require a personal visit. RUSSELL: Whoa, whoa, there's no place to sign because this is just a document informing the defendant of the type of action being filed. LUKE: What are you talking about? Who's the defendant? RUSSELL: You are. LUKE: Oh my God. RUSSELL: Didn't you read the papers? LUKE: Yeah, the Red Sox lost by three, Bush is at the ranch chatting up a Swiss dude. RUSSELL: The divorce papers. LUKE: I know what you meant. Look, I didn't kill anyone. Nicole and I just kind of accidentally got married and now we want out. We both want the same thing. RUSSELL: Don't try to play me, MR. Danes. LUKE: I'm too busy for this. RUSSELL: Fine, because I should just be dealing with your legal representation. LUKE: I don't believe this. RUSSELL: Not giving us your lawyer's information is only going to prolong the process. LUKE: Okay, if I give you my lawyer's name, will you leave? RUSSELL: I will leave. LUKE: Okay, you ready? RUSSELL: Yes. LUKE: His name is Don Dewey. He works at the firm of Dewey. . . RUSSELL: Dewey. LUKE: Cheatham. . . RUSSELL: Cheatham. LUKE: And Howe. RUSSELL: Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe. That was very immature. LUKE: Yeah, well, tickled me. RUSSELL: My bosses are gonna wanna hear this. LUKE: Oh, come on, they've heard that one before. Oh, hey, if you want Don's number, it's 555-5555. [Russell leaves. Lorelai walks back in holding out the stick shift diagram] LUKE: I thought you were gone. LORELAI: Nothing's where it says it is. [Luke flips the paper over] LORELAI: It's gonna be fine. CUT TO YALE UNIVERSITY [Lorelai is standing in a parking space in the street in front of the school. Rory pulls up in her car] RORY: Nice score! LORELAI: Thank you. Oh, and later, I'll, uh, point out the seven or so fellow Yalies who already hate you because your obnoxious mother wouldn't let them park in the only open spot left. RORY: Oh, goody. You get the truck here okay? LORELAI: Oh, we had some bickering, but we made it. [a girl walks over to them] TESS: Hello. Name? LORELAI: Oh, hey. I was told it was okay to hold the spot. A guy told me, I forget his name. He had, uh, like, a jacket. TESS: It's okay. I was just wondering what our newcomer's name is. RORY: Rory Gilmore. LORELAI: Right, Rory Gilmore TESS: [checks list] Rory Gilmore, Rory Gilmore. . . there you are. Welcome to Yale. LORELAI: Oh, hold the shake, hold the shake. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Wait, lens cap, lens cap. RORY: Sorry. TESS: They all do this. LORELAI: Shake. [takes picture] Got it. Who are you? TESS: I'm Tess, I'm Rory's freshman counselor. I'll be living in the building and be there for whatever she needs. LORELAI: And you look twenty-one, convenient for beer runs. TESS: I'll be giving a tour for Durfee girls you should not miss. RORY: Oh, I know. Tour's at twelve, followed by the optional express lunch twelve to two, which is all followed by the telecommunications orientation and internet ID distribution, parents' reception eleven to one. TESS: You memorized the schedule. LORELAI: Yeah, she's not weird or anything, she just has a good memory. TESS: And I see you brought your own mattress. LORELAI: Oh, right. See, the guy. . .name, name, name. I forget his name. Three syllables. Uh, he said it was okay, and he had, like, a mustache. TESS: It's allowed as long as you make arrangements to dispose of the one that was already there. Did you do that? LORELAI: Yes, we did. RORY: Yes. TESS: Good. Get your camera ready. LORELAI: Why? TESS: I'm giving Rory her key. LORELAI: Thanks for the warning. [takes picture] TESS: See you at the tour. RORY: Yes, Tess, thank you. [Tess walks away] RORY: So, she's nice. LORELAI: Yeah. I'm dying to see your room. Come on, grab a bag. RORY: So, you made arrangements to get rid of the old mattress? LORELAI: Yes, I did. RORY: Really? CUT TO YALE DORM [Lorelai and Rory walk in] RORY: Because it specifically says here that you're supposed to make arrangements to have the old mattress picked up before arrival. LORELAI: Ooh, very grand. RORY: So, what time are the mattress guys coming? LORELAI: Uh, later today sometime. RORY: So we have to wait in the room for them, or. . . LORELAI: I think they just let themselves in. Here we are. RORY: So do the mattress guys have their own key? LORELAI: All right, I confess, I didn't call the mattress guys. RORY: Well, what are we gonna do? LORELAI: We'll find a dumpster. RORY: Mom, they could trace it back to me. LORELAI: I'll be long gone by then. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: All right, we'll burn it before we dump it. A match, a little gasoline. RORY: We're here five minutes and we're already contemplating felonies. [Lorelai unlocks Rory's dorm suite and they walk inside] LORELAI: Just like I pictured it. RORY: Did you see an emergency exit? LORELAI: A fireplace, too! I wonder if it's woodburning. RORY: It says here, "Upon arrival, please take note of the emergency exits." LORELAI: Hey, hey, we could burn the mattress in there, save us a trip. RORY: Aw, man, a piece of my map ripped off. LORELAI: Which one's your room? RORY: I'm missing half of the Old Campus. LORELAI: R.G. This is it. RORY: If I have Old Campus activities today, I'm screwed. [they walk into Rory's bedroom] LORELAI: Here it is. Here's where you're going to be thinking all those impressive thoughts. It's just waiting for your decorative stamp. And a little air freshener. RORY: Where's the phone jack? LORELAI: I don't know, Jack. Where is the pesky phone? RORY: Mom. LORELAI: You're one-note Nancy today. RORY: Ah, here's a place to get replacement maps. Aw, holy cow, it's in Old Campus! LORELAI: All right, that's it. RORY: Hey, what are you doing? LORELAI: You just missed it. RORY: Missed what? LORELAI: Walking into your dorm suite for the first time. Do over. [Lorelai leads Rory back out to the hallway] RORY: What? We're short on time here and we haven't unloaded. LORELAI: It doesn't matter. You're gonna be in the moment. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: You're gonna be in the moment or the rest of the map gets it. RORY: No. Okay, I'm here, I swear. LORELAI: You're not placating me? RORY: I'll try. Really, I'm all here. LORELAI: Good. Oh, here's your suite. RORY: Cool. [they walk inside] RORY: Wow. LORELAI: Huh? RORY: It is cool. My own space. LORELAI: Well, yours and P.G.'s and J.B.'s and T.S.'s. RORY: And a fireplace. Did you see the fireplace? LORELAI: Was this do over justified or what? [they walk into Rory's bedroom] RORY: You mentioned thoughts in here? LORELAI: Mm, all the great ones you're gonna have. RORY: And air freshener? LORELAI: That, too. RORY: Thanks for putting me in the moment. LORELAI: My pleasure. RORY: It's something I would have not wanted to miss. LORELAI: Good. And thank you. RORY: For what? LORELAI: For pretending that you're not at this moment thinking about missing your tour, finding your phone jack, navigating the Old Campus. RORY: It's my gift to you. LORELAI: Let's go unload and get you a new map. RORY: Bless you. CUT TO YALE COURTYARD [Rory is in her freshman orientation tour] TESS: Just keep in mind, guys, the dining hall hours are cast in stone - you snooze, you lose. And it's a post-9/11 world, so your ID's are important. You'll be asked for it a lot, so always have it, always, always. It also operates the laundry machines and is also your meal card. That's right, it's practically magic, so don't lose it. [Another tour group walks by] TOUR GUIDE: If you're stupid enough to get ripped, I'm here to help, but I do not hold buckets, if you get my drift. Now, pay attention to street parking, it is severely restricted in most places. Walk or take the shuttle when you can. TESS: First floor Durfee. TOUR GUIDE: Third floor Bingham. TESS: They're babies. TOUR GUIDE: Tots. Third floor Bingham, through the gate, make a left. TESS: Get an internet ID whether you think you'll use it or not. It'll be your name at yale.edu, and there's no changing what you get. GIRL: Think there's gonna be a test? RORY: Probably not. Oh, you were joking. Good one. TESS: No bottlenecks, girls. There's about a hundred behind you waiting for the same stuff. Do not get precious about your ID pictures. They are what they are. GIRL: Did you get that down? They are what they are. RORY: I'll remember. PHOTO GUY: Next! GIRL: That would be you. RORY: What? PHOTO GUY: It's picture time. RORY: Oh, sorry. [sits down to get her picture taken] I didn't think pictures were today. Do you mind if I take a second to - PHOTO GUY: One thousand and one. [takes picture] Next! CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory's tour group walks into the dorm] TESS: Always have your keys. Never open the door to someone you don't know. Walk in twos at night. That's it, any questions? Later on, you'll have questions. I'll be around. Now go do stuff. [Rory walks into her suite. A girl follows her in and sits down in the common room. Rory goes into her bedroom, then peeks out at the girl. Lorelai enters the suite.] LORELAI: Rory, you back? [Lorelai goes into Rory's bedroom] LORELAI: Who is that? RORY: I don't know. She just followed me in here like a puppy dog without saying a word. LORELAI: Maybe she's lost. RORY: Or maybe she's one of my new suitemates who I'm already off to a swell start with. LORELAI: Do you know how vulnerable you are to venereal disease? RORY: All hail to the queen of the non-sequiturs. LORELAI: This parent orientation I went to was a nonstop litany of the horrors awaiting college freshman. You're supposed to carry a whistle, a flashlight, a crucifix, and a loaded Glock with you at all times. RORY: We should go out there. She'll think we're hiding. LORELAI: Okay, just don't shake hands with her. Bacteria. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Or tell her where you live. RORY: Too late. LORELAI: Oh, you touched the doorknob. RORY: Good grief. [they open the door] LORELAI: Say something. RORY: What? LORELAI: Anything. Go, go. [they walk out into the common room] RORY: Hi. TANNA: Hi. [pause] I'm adopted. RORY: You're up. LORELAI: What's your name? TANNA: Tanna Schrick. LORELAI: Well, Tanna Schrick, good. We're making some progress. Hi, Tanna Schrick. I'm Lorelai, this is Rory. She'll be living here, too. RORY: We're suitemates. TANNA: As they're ransacking your room, professional thieves typically start at the bottom drawer and work their way up. That way they don't have to close drawers before opening the next one. Saves time. LORELAI: Okay. So, no storing your valuables in the bottom drawer. Got that, Rory? Good tip, Tanna. Thanks. TANNA: I'm not so great at extemporaneous speaking, so I've memorized some quick conversational facts I can whip out at a moment's notice. Oh, when I get to know you better, I'll memorize some facts that are more specific to your person. LORELAI: Tanna, how old are you? TANNA: Sixteen. RORY: Sixteen? TANNA: On Tuesday. LORELAI: Happy birthday, Doogie. TANNA: Thank you. LORELAI: And, uh, where are your parents? TANNA: Oh, at the hotel. Mom's napping, Dad's getting a schvitz. LORELAI: Okay, well, we still have some more stuff to do, but maybe your parents will be here when I get back. I'd love to meet them. TANNA: Yeah, well, they make a very good first impression. LORELAI: I'm sure they do. See you later, kiddo. RORY: Bye. TANNA: Oh, hey, um, Rory? RORY: Yeah? TANNA: You nervous? RORY: Oh yeah. TANNA: Okay, good. [Lorelai and Rory walk out to the hallway] LORELAI: Odd, but nice. RORY: I'll take it. LORELAI: So. . .this is it. RORY: This is it. LORELAI: Learn a lot of stuff. RORY: I'll try. LORELAI: And, uh, you know, keep in touch. RORY: Well, we'll at least exchange Christmas cards. LORELAI: With a letter detailing what's happened over the year. RORY: And a current photo. LORELAI: Don't joke! RORY: You started it. LORELAI: I was masking my pain. RORY: You'll see plenty of me. LORELAI: It's not enough. RORY: How about tons? LORELAI: That's better. I love you, did you know that? RORY: I always suspected it. [as they hug, someone bumps into them with a box] LORELAI: Oh, excuse me. A little fridge. RORY: It's CUTe. LORELAI: I want one. RORY: Well, go get yourself one. LORELAI: For you, I want one for you. RORY: I don't need one. LORELAI: For sodas and stuff when things are closed. Late night cram sessions. RORY: I guess it would come in handy. LORELAI: Oh, let's see what these people have going on. [peeks into a room] RORY: Mom. LORELAI: A rug! A rug for your room to make it cozy. And a vase of flowers. RORY: Well, the flowers will just die. LORELAI: They have a vase of the most beautiful fake flowers I've ever seen. Trash cans! RORY: Oh, you're right. LORELAI: And a fan. I have been remiss. RORY: No, you haven't. LORELAI: I have got another trip to make today. RORY: No, Mom, you've done enough today. LORELAI: I want you fully outfitted and settled for your first night or I won't sleep. RORY: We can get it all later. LORELAI: No, no. Now go unpack the skimpy amount of stuff I've gotten you so far and I'll be back in a couple of hours. Copper boom. RORY: What? LORELAI: It's what you said to me this morning when you were trying to speed me up. RORY: But you missed a bunch of stuff in between. LORELAI: I think it's catchy. Go, go, unpack. RORY: Copper boom! LORELAI: Copper boom! [They walk off in separate directions. Lorelai passes a guy carrying a container of stuff and she looks in it to see what he brought.] RORY: Mom! LORELAI: Copper boom! CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Hey, Luke. [sees three lawyers sitting at a table] Oops. LUKE: Shoot me. LORELAI: Now, or maybe later so you're surprised? [Luke walks over to the table of lawyers] MR. STEIN 1: MR. Danes, a marriage contract is a contract just like any other. MR. STEIN 2: As the higher wage earner, Nicole wants a fair settlement. LUKE: But I want nothing from her, so there's nothing to settle, MR. . . what's your name again? MR. STEIN 1: My name is Stein. LUKE: I thought you were Stein. MR. STEIN 2: I'm Stein as well. LUKE: Well, then I'm confused. MR. BLODGETT: MR. Danes, I'm an impatient man, I'm a busy man, I'm a sensible man, I'm a skeptical man. LUKE: Oh, you're four different men, huh? Well, are they all named Stein, too? MR. BLODGETT: If there's one thing I've learned in this business, it's that no one wants nothing. MR. STEIN 2: Why won't you hire a lawyer? LUKE: Why? Because lawyers waste time and money. They're needless middlemen who slither into people's lives when they're at their most vulnerable so they can clamp on and suck like leeches until everyone but them is distraught and penniless. MR. STEIN 1: Well, I can see why the marriage went bad. MR. BLODGETT: Here's fair warning, MR. Danes - if you don't hire a lawyer, you could wind up getting absolutely nothing. LUKE: That's what I want! MR. STEIN 1: There he goes again. MR. STEIN 2: Maybe we should get Sage and Albet into this. MR. STEIN 1: Hm. Pettruccio, too. [Luke walks over to Lorelai at the counter] LUKE: They're gonna multiply like the matrix. LORELAI: Oh, well. . . [Luke brings Lorelai over to the lawyers] LUKE: Tell them, Lorelai. LORELAI: Huh? Tell them what? MR. BLODGETT: Who's this? LUKE: This is Lorelai. MR. STEIN 1: Are you an attorney? LUKE: No, she's carbon-based. MR. STEIN 2: And what's her role? LUKE: Uh, be my character witness or something. LORELAI: Right, okay. Well, I can vouch for this man. I mean, I know he cared for Nicole, and apparently they both got a little rash. I mean, not in 'apply to affected area twice daily' rash, I mean rash in that they hastily entered into a union. MR. BLODGETT: We know all this. LORELAI: But if you think he married her to get something, I know that's not true. He's basically a hermit, and happy to be one. I could show you his place upstairs. I mean, you half expect Hari Krishnas to jump out of the bathroom banging tambourines. All he likes is fishing and watching baseball, and he's got a reel and he's got a TV, so he's all set. So when he says he wants nothing, I know he means it, because when I think of Luke Danes, I think nothing. LUKE: MR. Blodgett, Steins one and two, there you go. MR. STEIN 1: Your choice of character witness does nothing to allay our concerns. LORELAI: Sorry. [goes back to the counter] MR. BLODGETT: The bottom line, time. If we do not receive a response in this matter, we're just going to have to kick this up a notch. LUKE: Okay, there is something I want, but I've been holding back. MR. BLODGETT: As we suspected. MR. STEIN 2: Let's hear it. LUKE: Okay, you know Nicole and I went on a cruise, right? MR. STEIN 2: Oh boy. MR. STEIN 1: Oh yeah. LUKE: Well, the first night on the boat we, uh, went to see an act that everyone was raving about. We go in, sit down, they close the door. Turned out to be a guy playing musical drinking glasses. You know, with the half-filled cups that give off different tones. He played Mozart, and I swear I could hear Mozart banging on his coffin. Out of politeness, we stayed, and there went an hour of our lives. Next night, the sign in front of the theater said the entertainment for the night was a guy singing the songs of Sinatra. We verified with the guy at the door, the songs of Frank Sinatra, right? Not Tina, not Frank Jr., not Bill Sinatra, but Ol' Blue Eyes. "Yes," he says. "It's like Frank come to life." We go in, sit down, they close the door. Then they announce that the guy singing Sinatra is sick and the glass-playing guy is filling in. Out he comes, there's goes another hour. Next night, we meet a nice couple while walking the Lido Deck. Had some nice conversation, so we have dinner with th MR. BLODGETT: We'll have to confer on this. MR. STEIN 1: Maybe do a productivity study. LUKE: Yeah, get Blobb, Fromm and Pinnuccio in there, too. MR. BLODGETT: We'll get back to you. LUKE: I have no doubt. [the lawyers leave. Luke sits next to Lorelai at the counter] LORELAI: Wow. LUKE: I'm exhausted. LORELAI: Sorry I barged in like that. LUKE: Trust me, the interruption was welcome. LORELAI: So, did you check the clock? It's not yet four. LUKE: Rory safe and sound? LORELAI: Safe and sound. LUKE: And the truck? LORELAI: Well. . . LUKE: You wrecked it. LORELAI: It's not wrecked. LUKE: I don't see it. LORELAI: It's around the corner. LUKE: You wrecked it. LORELAI: No, but I need to use it awhile longer. LUKE: Because you wrecked it and it's in the shop. LORELAI: You really can't afford to alienate your chief character witness. [they walk outside to the truck] LUKE: It's full of stuff. LORELAI: I know. LUKE: Why didn't you unload it? LORELAI: I did, this is my second load. LUKE: You didn't say anything about a second load. LORELAI: I didn't know I had to have one 'til I realized what a piker of a mother I'd been compared to the other kids' moms. LUKE: It's still running. LORELAI: Yeah, well, turns out that ignition key is just as misogynistic as that stick shift of yours. LUKE: You just have to jiggle it a little. LORELAI: You didn't mention any jiggling. LUKE: It's common sense. LORELAI: Oh, that. LUKE: Wait, why is the mattress still there? LORELAI: Oh, that's not the mattress, that's a mattress. LUKE: What? LORELAI: Rory has the new mattress. That's the Yale-supplied mattress that has microbes in it that date back to Henry Box Brown. LUKE: Well, what are you gonna do with it? LORELAI: Well, I was thinking maybe you could store it for me. LUKE: Uh, no. LORELAI: Come on. LUKE: No. LORELAI: Well, I can't take it back to Yale. LUKE: I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it. LORELAI: Well, then I'm stuck here. LUKE: Fine, because I need my truck back. LORELAI: Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress. LUKE: I'm not taking the mattress. LORELAI: Then let me take the truck. LUKE: But that means you take the mattress. LORELAI: I can't take the mattress. LUKE: Then you can't have the truck. LORELAI: But that sticks you with the mattress. LUKE: If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress. LORELAI: I can't take the mattress. LUKE: Then you can't have the truck. LORELAI: And that sticks you with the mattress. LUKE: We've been here before. LORELAI: I recognize that tree. CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory is in her bedroom unpacking. There's a knock at the door] RORY: Come on in. [Tanna walks in] TANNA: Um, another suitemate has arrived. RORY: Oh yeah? TANNA: Yeah. She's a little weird. Um, I've already forgotten her name. I'm a disaster with names. RORY: That's okay. TANNA: It's the name of a city, like Athens or Rome or something. PARIS: [from the common room] I'm sure things can be rearranged. I mean, why not? It's a dorm, you're supposed to. TERRENCE: Let it go. [Rory and Tanna walk out to the common room] RORY: Paris? TANNA: Yeah, that's it. PARIS: How shocked are you? RORY: Do you have a resuscitator? PARIS: I'm going to Yale. RORY: You're going to Yale. PARIS: And we're suitemates. RORY: Of all the gin joints. PARIS: Give me a hug! Wait. Give me a hug! RORY: This is a massively big surprise. PARIS: I was gonna call and then I thought, hey, let's wait and just be right in her face. RORY: I can't even feel my face anymore. PARIS: This is a good thing. RORY: No, yes, it's definitely a good thing. It's just, again, my nose. . .it feels like clay. PARIS: Oh, uh, this is Terrence. RORY: Hello. TERRENCE: It's nice to finally meet you, Rory. PARIS: Terrence is my life coach. RORY: Your what? PARIS: Don't judge. RORY: I'm not. PARIS: Remember my nanny? I lost her over the summer. RORY: I'm sorry, what happened? PARIS: She opened a pupuseria in Boise. RORY: So she's okay? PARIS: Yeah, but I was pretty lost. Then my rabbi conferred with my therapist who said a hypnotist he knew thought a life coach would be right for me, and that led me to Terrence. He's here to assist me with whatever I need assistance in, from wardrobe to diet to finding me a kick-ass gynecologist. RORY: That's great, Paris, really. PARIS: He's done so much for my people skills. I can cope with the little annoyances now. [to Tanna] For instance, the old Paris would've been bothered by your penchant to hover. It would've made her wanna ring your neck until your eyeballs popped out. TANNA: Oh. PARIS: But now, I accept it because I can't control everything. Paris Gellar. RORY: That's Tanna. TANNA: In medieval times, surnames often reflected a person's origin or occupation so they were descriptive as well as utilitarian. PARIS: And what does Tanna mean? TANNA: Nothing. PARIS: We're gonna have some fun this year. TANNA: Thank you. PARIS: How's your face? RORY: Better, thanks. PARIS: Is that my room? RORY: If your initials are P.G., it is. [Paris checks the room out] PARIS: Terrence, I got my southern exposure. TERRENCE: I'm a happy camper. RORY: So, weird, weird coincidence that we're roommates like this, huh? PARIS: Not really. I told Terrence all about our history and he felt very strongly that our life journey was not complete, so my dad made a call. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO FRONT OF YALE [Luke and Lorelai pull up in Luke's truck] LORELAI: Luke, this was so nice of you, giving me a hand like this. It was above and beyond the call of duty. LUKE: Don't start this again. LORELAI: I'm not starting anything. LUKE: Good. LORELAI: I mean, if you just had stored the mattress. . . LUKE: That's where we're not starting. LORELAI: What? It was your choice to come along. LUKE: I wanted the safe return of my truck without the mattress guaranteed. This was the only way. LORELAI: You know, I miss our friendship. We used to be so close. The summers at the lake. . . LUKE: Let's just move along here, okay? [Tess walks over to them] TESS: Hi, there. LUKE: Hello. TESS: Is that your mattress? LUKE: Well, uh, yeah. TESS: Hm. Tag has a Yale stamp. LUKE: Oh, well, when I said it was mine, it's not mine. It belongs in the dorm. We were just driving it around New Haven for awhile. TESS: Uh huh. LUKE: To air it out. TESS: Oh, okay. LUKE: We're gonna take it right back in. TESS: Great. [walks away] LUKE: Thanks for jumping in. LORELAI: You seemed to have a handle on it. LUKE: What do we do now? LORELAI: Unload. [walks away] LUKE: With the mattress. What do we do with the mattress? CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory greets Lorelai at the door to her suite] LORELAI: Hi. RORY: Saw you coming. LORELAI: What's up? RORY: You just have to see it. [they walk inside] LORELAI: No. RORY: Yes. LORELAI: Paris? RORY: And Terrence, her life coach. LORELAI: Like on Oprah? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: No. RORY: Yes. They're setting up her crafts' corner. LORELAI: No. RORY: Yes. PARIS: Lorelai! LORELAI: Hi, Paris. It's so good to see you. PARIS: Same here. Terrence, this is Lorelai. LORELAI: Hi, Terrence. TERRENCE: Nice to meet you finally. LORELAI: Finally? PARIS: You and I have a bit of a journey left to finish as well. LORELAI: I'll clear my schedule. PARIS: I was just setting up my craft corner. Some mosaic tiles, some colored beads. Still kind of kids' stuff, but Terrence showed me how working with my hands could help with my nerves. TANNA: Oh, where are we gonna put the couch? PARIS: Why don't you just - TERRENCE: Paris. . . PARIS: Come on, Terrence. TERRENCE: Two steps forward, three steps back. PARIS: But she was baiting me. TERRENCE: Fish can choose not to bite. PARIS: We'll figure it out. [Luke comes to the door] LUKE: This the place? LORELAI: This is the place. [Luke starts pulling the mattress into the room] LORELAI: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, hold it a minute! You can't bring that thing in here. LUKE: Well, I'm not taking it back out. Hi, Rory. RORY: Hi, Luke. LORELAI: No, we're unloading bags and boxes first. LUKE: Look, that Tess already had her antennae up about the mattress and she wouldn't stop watching me, so I had to do something. LORELAI: Well, wait until she's gone and then bring it back out. LUKE: It's heavy. The only way I got it into the building is with help from Chip - his real name, believe it or not. Now I have to go help him unload his stuff because that was the deal. LORELAI: No, you don't. Blow him off. He's probably busy taping his Carmen Electra poster up on the ceiling above his bed. LUKE: The mattress stays. Now if you'll excuse me, Chip is waiting. [leaves] PARIS: Oh no! My glue gun leaked on my macaroni! TERRENCE: Compartmentalize. . . and breathe. RORY: Let's get this thing out of the hallway. LORELAI: Hey, uh, I got a crisp Benjamin Franklin for anyone willing to disappear a mattress, no questions asked. RORY: Start pushing. LORELAI: Anyone? Two Benjamins? Hold on. CUT TO DORM HALLWAY [Lorelai and Rory walk out of the suite toward the exit doors] LORELAI: Anything else you need, you'll write it down, okay? RORY: I've got more than I need. Stuff I don't need. LORELAI: It's all necessary stuff. RORY: The disco ball? LORELAI: You cannot host your much-anticipated Salute to Barry White Night without a disco ball. RORY: I forgot I was anticipating that. Where's Luke? LORELAI: He's already out at the truck. So, this is it. RORY: This is really it. LORELAI: Learn a lot of stuff. RORY: I'll try. LORELAI: You'll be a frequent visitor? RORY: I'll be a frequent visitor. LORELAI: You can use the washer and the dryer. RORY: I don't need any inducement. LORELAI: Good. RORY: But don't you get rid of that washer and dryer. LORELAI: I won't. Ciao, baby. RORY: Bye, Mom. [Lorelai leaves. Rory walks back into her room and sits on her bed] CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Luke and Lorelai arrive back in town] LUKE: So Chip is like, "Set your side down first" and I'm like, "My side's the side with the leg missing. It's gonna collapse. You put your side down first" and he's like, "I'm losing my grip", which was his excuse with everything we carried in - the TV, the stereo speakers. And I was like - LORELAI: Oh my God, will you, like, get over this? [Lorelai's pager goes off] LUKE: What's that? LORELAI: It's my pager. [checks it] Oh no. LUKE: What? LORELAI: "Come back." LUKE: What? LORELAI: It's from Rory. It says "Come back" with about a dozen exclamation points. Uh, move, move. LUKE: What are you doing? LORELAI: I gotta borrow your truck. LUKE: No way. LORELAI: I gotta go back. LUKE: Well, then take your own car. Remember that concept? LORELAI: No, it'll take too long to walk back to get it. Plus, I'm out of gas. Plus, it's been making weird noises and probably can't take a long trip. Please, Luke? LUKE: I need my truck. LORELAI: I need it more. LUKE: You've had it all day. LORELAI: Don't you care about Rory? LUKE: Of course I care about Rory. [sighs] Have it back by seven. LORELAI: Thanks, Luke. [Luke gets out of the truck and Lorelai slides over to the driver's side. She shifts the gear and the truck rolls back a little] LORELAI: Ooh! LUKE: That's reverse. LORELAI: I know. [she drives off] CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory is sitting on her bed when Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Rory? [Rory jumps up and hugs her] LORELAI: Oh, whoa, oh, honey, honey. RORY: Look at this, look at this. LORELAI: Look at what? RORY: Four hours at Yale and I'm already homesick. LORELAI: Well, that's okay. RORY: All I could think of the minute you left was "I want my mommy." I haven't thought that since I was two. LORELAI: That's natural. RORY: I'm eighteen. I can sign contracts, I can vote, I can fight for my country. I mean, I'm an adult. Adults don't want their mommies. LORELAI: Yes, they do, honey. I'm not a good example, but - RORY: Everything's so foreign. I have to share a bathroom. I've never shared a bathroom with anyone but you. So I'm gonna be running into people in the bathroom, we're gonna have to make small talk. I don't know any bathroom small talk. LORELAI: Um. . .gee, your hair smells terrific? RORY: You didn't socialize me properly. You made me a mama's girl. Why don't I hate you? Why don't I want to be away from you? It's going to be very hard to be Christiane Amanpour broadcasting live from a foxhole in Tehran with my mommy. I guess you're just gonna have to learn how to operate a camera 'cause I'll need you there with me. LORELAI: I would do that. RORY: And how did I end up at Yale? I mean, I let Grandma and Grandpa manipulate me right out of Harvard and into Yale. That's how strong-willed I am. I know nothing about Yale. LORELAI: Not so - you've memorized its entire history. RORY: How can you be so fine with this? You left here without a care in the world. LORELAI: That's not true. RORY: You couldn't wait for me to get out of the house. What were you doing when I paged you - turning my room into a sewing room? I should hate you, not miss you. Do something to make me hate you. LORELAI: Uh. . .go Hitler! RORY: Check this out. LORELAI: Your student ID? RORY: I'm blinking and my head's in a funny place. LORELAI: No, it's not. RORY: I look like Keith Richards at Altamont. And check out the name. LORELAI: Ronny Gilmore. Oops. RORY: Yeah, oops. I don't even exist. And how did they get Ronny? That's not even remotely close to being short for any girl's name in the history of the entire planet. LORELAI: Well, Veronica, actually. . .sorry. RORY: Great, now I have you apologizing to me after I made you come back all this way just 'cause I'm a big fat stinkin' mama's girl. Mom! [hugs her] LORELAI: I'm here. RORY: But you're not supposed to be. LORELAI: Where is it written? RORY: Well, it's not exactly written, but it's clearly implied that the parents are supposed to leave the campus at some point. LORELAI: Yeah, at some point. So we choose the point. RORY: So can you stay for dinner? LORELAI: I can stay all night. RORY: No, you can't do that. LORELAI: Why not? RORY: Because then I'm the pathetic person who needs her mother to stay all night and everyone here will see and know that. LORELAI: Okay, so I won't spend the night. RORY: No, stay the night. [hugs her] LORELAI: Okay. CUT TO YALE DORM [Lorelai walks into the common room carrying some takeout.] LORELAI: I've got Balinese. Where does Bali go? PARIS: We're still putting everything in geographic order. East to west. LORELAI: That's the system. Where is Bali? RORY: Indonesia. PARIS: Is Indonesia east or west of the Philippines? TANNA: East. RORY: No, west. LORELAI: Near Singapore? We've got Singapore here somewhere. TANNA: Find Sri Lanka, it's a bit over from that. LORELAI: But there's no Sri Lankan food. RORY: Just put it by Vietnam. PARIS: Is Vietnam east or west of the Philippines? LORELAI: Ooh, boy, you guys really need to go to college. RORY: We ordered too much food. LORELAI: Hello, the point. We need a wide cross section for our local takeout test. TANNA: I still smell glue from your glue gun. PARIS: You're rich, you know that? LORELAI: What is this? You've eaten Indian food, yet I see nothing about Indian food on the chart. RORY: We'll get to it. LORELAI: The whole point of getting everything within delivery distance is so we can judge the quality of food, speed of service, CUTeness of delivery guys on a scale of one to ten. We cannot work from memory on this. [the phone rings] RORY: Where's the phone? PARIS: Uh, under Mexico. LORELAI: I bet it's the pizza. Come help. RORY: Okay. [Lorelai and Rory walk outside to get the pizza delivery] LORELAI: Hello, eight and a half. PIZZA GUY: I'm sorry? RORY: Nothing. We just need to sign for the credit card? PIZZA GUY: Yes. LORELAI: Thank you. [they take the pizzas and walk back toward the suite] RORY: We're four people and we ordered for like four hundred. LORELAI: So, what you're saying is you wanna crank it up? You wanna set it off? You wanna put a match to the keg and burn this mofo down? RORY: I'm just saying it's a lot of food. LORELAI: Attention, Durfee girls! RORY: Mom! LORELAI: Food and tons of it in suite five. Bring your appetites, bring your opinions, and, uh, hey, someone bring some music, but if it's Evanescence, you will be severely mocked. Enter, rejoice and come in. [Other girls from the floor start walking into the suite] CUT TO YALE DORM [Later that night, the suite is filled with girls. Lorelai walks out of the suite to get another food delivery] LORELAI: Oh, hey, ice cream man. ICE CREAM MAN: Hey. LORELAI: Here you go. ICE CREAM MAN: Thanks. Have a nice night. LORELAI: You, too. Ooh, um, do me a favor? Count to ten before you leave. ICE CREAM MAN: Sure. LORELAI: Thanks. [Lorelai walks back into the suite] LORELAI: Hey, rate him, rate him! [several girls rush to the window to see the delivery boy] LORELAI: Hey, where does ice cream stand on our organizational system? RORY: Our organizational system broke down about an hour ago. TANNA: Germany fell on China. LORELAI: Well, that's Germany for ya. Okay, we're out of Chinese completely, so we know Chinese is popular. Freddy's Happy Tokyo Takeout is a bust. That's the consensus, so let's lose the Freddy's menus, although Ang the delivery guy was a solid nine. If you're gonna go to Baja Bill's, you must get the cheese quesadilla, and ask for Stan or Tommy. If you don't get Stan or Tommy, go to Paco's Tacos. The delivery guys are butt ugly but the food is better. Look at all these girls together in one room having fun. We should dance and sing a Motown song into our hairbrushes. [walks away] PARIS: So, do you like your adoptive parents? TANNA: Yeah. PARIS: I think it's good to be adopted. If you get sick of them, you just dump this set and go find the originals. [a girl walks up to Rory] GIRL: This is awesome. RORY: Thanks. GIRL: Who did all this? RORY: The woman with the hairbrush. LORELAI: Uh, you guys, come on. I know it's cheesy but just a couple bars. . . You Can't Hurry Love? Someone's gotta do it, it doesn't have to be on key. CUT TO YALE DORM [That night, Rory and Paris are in their bedroom. Paris is on the phone] PARIS: [on phone] It's lacking in storage space, but I've accepted it. It's a bit musty, but I've accepted it. Small. Small, but I've accepted it. Hey, listen, I should be going. Jamie, Terrence is not here, he's back in his room. Oh, right, me and Terrence, that's a possibility. I really gotta go, okay? I will. Good night. [hangs up] RORY: Has he met Terrence? PARIS: Nope, and he's not going to for as long as I can help it. [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: I fixed your shower head. RORY: Really? But it was barely dribbling out. LORELAI: It just needed a twist. You've got a waterfall now. RORY: You're so handy. LORELAI: And my rates are reasonable. PARIS: My turn? LORELAI: It's all yours. [Paris leaves] RORY: No, Mom, you sleep on the new mattress. LORELAI: But it's yours. RORY: Well, they're both mine, so I get to choose. I'll sleep on the Yale mattress. LORELAI: But you have to break in your new mattress. If it molds to my body, your shorter body will be wallowing in the hollowness of my body. RORY: In one night? LORELAI: It's the crucial night, that first night. RORY: Okay, but my offer still stands, so if you get the heebie-jeebies in the middle of the night over there, come join me. LORELAI: That'll get the girls talking. We'll be those dirty, filthy, almost-French Stars Hollow girls. [in French accent] Oh, we spit on you, you repressed puritanical ninnies. RORY: [in French accent] We smirk in your general direction. LORELAI: [in French accent] We cast sidelong glances that are vague but slightly threatening. RORY: [in French accent] We eschew your quaint double entendre for the appealing lasciviousness of the entendre singular. LORELAI: We. . .eh. . .I'm out. RORY: Me, too. Get the light. LORELAI: Did I tell you I found good coffee? RORY: No, where? LORELAI: The little kiosk by the library. I found it on the way to that parents thing. RORY: Cool. LORELAI: I'll circle it on the map for you. RORY: Good. [they hear a howling sound] LORELAI: Is that some guy howling? RORY: I don't know, sounded like it. [they hear another howl] LORELAI: Sounds like the guys' floor had some fun tonight, too. RORY: I'd say so. [there's another howl; Lorelai responds with a howl] RORY: Mom! LORELAI: Well, if no one answers him, he may never stop. [several guys start howling] LORELAI: Or it'll get a bunch of other guys howling, one or the other. [howls again] RORY: Oh, boy. LORELAI: It's fun. [Rory howls] RORY: It is fun. [they both howl] LORELAI: What? RORY: I don't know. CUT TO YALE DORM [The next morning, Lorelai and Rory walk out of Rory's bedroom] LORELAI: So, what's first on the agenda today? RORY: Well, I have a little time, so I thought I might walk around and get the lay of the land a little bit, and then I have my big freshman assembly. LORELAI: Where they teach you the secret Yale handshake? RORY: Amongst other things. LORELAI: Oh my God, check out Paris' craft corner. RORY: She gets more done before nine than other people do all day. LORELAI: She's a craft person now, so it's not safe to leave anything around her anymore. RORY: Maybe that's where crafty comes from. LORELAI: Good point. [they walk out into the hallway] LORELAI: All right, I should go. I called Luke last night and he made me promise to get the truck back by two hours ago, so if I leave now it's sooner than I planned. RORY: Thank Luke a lot for me, okay? LORELAI: Okay, say goodbye to Paris and Tanna. RORY: Will do. LORELAI: So, this is really it. RORY: Yup. LORELAI: You good? RORY: I'm good. Just keep your pager with you. LORELAI: Always. [they hug, Lorelai leaves] CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai walks in] LUKE: You're late. LORELAI: I'm sorry. LUKE: It's okay. I told you to get it back three hours before I actually needed it back and it worked out perfectly. LORELAI: You rat. LUKE: So it's in park? LORELAI: It's in park. LUKE: Engine's off? LORELAI: Yes. Here are your keys. And thank you, Luke. I've been a huge burden on you the past couple days. LUKE: It's okay. [he looks out the window] I don't believe it. [They walk outside to the truck. The Yale mattress is in the back] LUKE: It's like a horror movie. LORELAI: Oh, Luke. LUKE: The mattress that would not leave my truck. LORELAI: I had no choice. LUKE: I may cry. LORELAI: Don't do that. LUKE: I don't want this mattress. LORELAI: Help me take it somewhere. LUKE: Where? To the conveniently located old mattress drop-off station right around the corner? LORELAI: Or if you could store it for awhile. . . LUKE: I wasn't kidding about the crying. LORELAI: I'll call a charity and have them come pick it up. I promise, and this time I mean it. LUKE: And where's my spare tire? LORELAI: There was a spare tire? LUKE: I had my spare tire back here. LORELAI: Oh, we must've accidentally unloaded it on one of our trips. LUKE: Could you try to get it back? LORELAI: Yes, as long as Paris hasn't made it into a planter yet. Or I'll buy you a new one, I promise. LUKE: Okay, I'll see you later. LORELAI: Okay, bye. Oh, and, um, Rory says thanks for everything, too. She said specifically to tell you. LUKE: Okay, good. So she's okay? LORELAI: She's fantastic. LUKE: Good. CUT TO YALE DORM [There's knock on Rory's suite door. She answers it; two girls are there] GIRL 1: You're up? RORY: I was up. Come on in. GIRL 1: We Lorelai'd a few places and found the good coffee. RORY: Lorelai'd? GIRL 2: Checked places out. GIRL 1: Seems like the appropriate word. We found decent muffins, too, but I bet there's better out there. RORY: You'll Lorelai 'em another time. GIRL 1: [hands her a coffee] So this is thanks for last night. It was a perfect first night at Yale. RORY: I thought so. GIRL 2: We're gonna go to freshman assembly together. Do you wanna come? RORY: Sure. GIRL 1: Then we're all going to conveniently lose our student ID's and go take new pictures. RORY: Oh my God, I'm so with you on that one. GIRL 1: Cool. RORY: [sips coffee] Mm. Whoa, this is really good. Kiosk by the library? GIRL 1: Oh, you found it first. RORY: Kind of. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai walks into the empty house. She stands in the living room and looks around.]	Plan: A: Luke; Q: Who is willing to lend Lorelai his truck to help Rory move into her dorm? A: Lorelai; Q: Who sets up a dorm-wide takeout food test? A: Rory; Q: Whose roommates are a jock and a 15 year old prodigy? A: the project; Q: What takes all day to accommodate Lorelai's last minute shopping trips? A: Rory's room; Q: What room did Lorelai have to buy a mattress for? A: a par; Q: What does Lorelai try to keep Rory's room on with the rest of the dorm? A: his spare tire; Q: What did Lorelai lose in the process of moving Rory into her dorm? A: socialization skills; Q: What does Paris Geller lack that makes her a good roommate for Rory? A: Miss People Person; Q: What is Paris Geller's nickname? A: a life coach; Q: What does Paris Geller bring with her to help Rory adjust to college? A: Nicole; Q: Whose partners threaten to ensnare Luke in a legal mess? A: the diner; Q: Where do Nicole's partners descend on Luke? A: a lawyer; Q: What does Nicole's partners want Luke to hire? A: a settlement; Q: What does Nicole's partners want Luke to accept? A: just four hours; Q: How long did it take Rory to get homesick? A: Yale; Q: Where did Lorelai return to after Rory's attack of homesickness? A: a dorm-wide takeout food test; Q: What does Lorelai set up to help Rory adjust to her new life? A: the quality; Q: What did Lorelai want to judge about the local restaurants? A: their delivery speed; Q: What is one of the things Lorelai wants to test about the local restaurants? A: the cuteness; Q: What quality of delivery boys does Lorelai want to test? A: the takeout feast; Q: What did the dormmates thank Lorelai for? A: the next morning; Q: When did the dormmates arrive with breakfast? A: "Lorelai'd" a few places; Q: How did the dormmates find the best place for coffee and muffins? Summary: While Luke is willing to lend Lorelai his truck to help Rory move into her dorm, he's not too thrilled when the project turns out to take all day to accommodate Lorelai's last minute shopping trips to keep Rory's room on a par with the rest of the dorm, to say nothing of Lorelai's seeming inability to drive a stick, losing his spare tire, and saddling him with the old mattress from Rory's dorm room; Rory's roommates turn out to be a jock, a 15 year old prodigy sorely lacking in socialization skills, and none other than Miss People Person herself, Paris Geller, who arrives with a life coach in tow; Nicole's partners descend on the diner and threaten to ensnare Luke in a morass of paperwork and legal complications when he refuses to hire a lawyer or even discuss accepting a settlement; responding to Rory's attack of homesickness after just four hours, Lorelai returns to Yale and sets up a dorm-wide takeout food test to judge the quality of the local restaurants, their delivery speed, and the cuteness of their delivery boys; as a thanks for the takeout feast, the next morning some dormmates arrive with breakfast, having "Lorelai'd" a few places on campus to find the best place for coffee and muffins.
[Joey and Audrey's dorm room. Dawson is on the his cell phone while Joey is going through a book on her desk] Dawson: Flight's still on time. Joey: Shoot. Dawson: What? Joey: Today is the last day I can drop that writing class. Dawson: I thought you liked that class. Joey: I do. I mean, I like it as much as I can like anything I'm getting a C in. Crud. Dawson: Well, do what you have to do. I can entertain myself for an hour. Joey: Are you sure? Dawson: Yeah, Sure, I'm sure. [Dawson begins making another call] Joey: Who are you calling now? Dawson: Myself You have one new message. It's from you, from Friday. Joey: You didn't get my message? Dawson: No. You sound a little drunk. Joey: Dawson, that is because I am drunk. Now give me the phone. Dawson: No way. Joey: Drunk people should have the right to neutralize their own messages. Dawson: No way. Okay, some guy hit on you. A nice guy. Joey: Yeah, so nice that he proceeded sleep with Audrey. Come on. Just give me Dawson: Stop, just let me listen. [Joey tries to get the phone from him but he won't let her.] Apparently I've got great timing. Joey: Dawson I was drunk. I don't even remember half of what I said. Dawson: Well, the gist of it was goodbye. Which is something that I really wish I knew before I got on a plane and flew 3000 miles to come see you. Were you planning on telling me about this? Joey: Why would I bring it up if you didn't. It wasn't exactly one of my finest moments. No. I was mad. Dawson: About what? Joey: I don't know. Mad that you weren't coming to visit me. Mad that that we haven't resolved anything. Dawson: I thought that everything was resolved. Until I got that message, I thought we said everything that we had to say three months ago in my room. Joey: Great! I guess we don't have anything to say. Dawson: Joey. [Audrey walks into the room wearing only a towel and coming here wet hair out.] Audrey: Hey kids. Uh oh, what's the problem? Joey: Uh, well, this is Dawson's last day, and I wanted to show him around campus, but I'm not going to have time because I am going to have to go drop out of writing class. Audrey: Hmm, well that's a heart stopper. You know, they do have those campus tours. They are a little on the lame side, but not completely intolerable. Joey: Sounds like a plan. Dawson: Yeah. Perfect. Joey: Great Problem solved. Audrey: Bye. [Joey walks past them and leaves] She a handful, that girl, isn't she? [Opening Credits] [Boston sidewalk. Jen and Jack are walking down the street talking to each other while looking around for something.] Jen: He's not going to call. Jack: He's calling. Jen: He doesn't even have my phone number. Jack: He will get your number. Jen: How? Jack: Some How. Why do you think we have had all these advances in information technology? They are all about helping people track down other people other people they are sexually attracted to. Jen, just trust me. Alright? The guy will find you, and when he does, just throw yourself at him immediately because you obviously want to. Jen: Whether I want to or not, nice girls just don't hurl themselves at boys, Jack. Society at large deems that sluty and self destructive. Jack: That's right. I forgot. You're a slut. Only, you haven't actually had sx with anybody the entire time I have known you. And if you look at the cold hard facts, I have kissed more guys than you have this past year. Jen: Well That's not true. Jack: I've kissed one. How many have you kissed? Jen: One. Jack: How many straight guys? Jen: None. [Jack Shrugs his arms as to say he has proven his point] Jen: This is the saddest conversation ever. Jack: All I'm saying is that we are in college now. No one is watching and no one is keeping track. [He stops] Jen: What? Jack: I think we're lost. [Grabs a map out of his pocket.] Jen: What are you doing? Jack: That's fairly obvious. Jen: Would you mind being subtle? I'd rather not look like freshmen dorks, who don't know where they are going Jack: Just give me something we are near. Alright? Jen: Uh, well the radio station. [She looks in the window of the radio station and sees Charlie] Oh, my god. Jack, Jack. Put the map, down with the map, or else he is going to think we have been trying to find him. Jack: Oh, you are trying to find him. You spent all weekend circling every Charles in the campus directory. Jen: Yeah, but he doesn't need to know that. [He turns and sees them and looks over at her.] Oh heh..Hi. He's smiling. He's waving. [Charlie begins waving them to come in.] Jack: Yeah, he's waving. Se I told you he likes you. [Charlie writes a sign and begins to put it against the window] How much more of a sign do you need? [The sign reads Get in here, but he is holding it upside down.] Jen: It's upside down. Jack: You are going in anyways. [A stairway in the school. Prof. Wilder and Joey are walking down the stairs talking about her dropping class.] Wilder: Can't you drop some other class? Something useless, like basket weaving? Or women's studies? Joey: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Wilder: God, I got to say I didn't see this one coming. I can usually tell the ones that drop, they have got this sort of guilty look about them. Not that this happens a lot to me, mind you. People don't usually drop my class. People have been known to kill other people simply to audit my class. Joey: I know. Wilder: You should consider yourself lucky to be in it. I don't usually take Freshmen. Freshmen usually tend to freak out when they see how much work is involved. That's not what's happening to you, Ms. Potter, is it? You're not freaking out, are you? Joey: No. not exactly. Wilder: You didn't finish rewriting that story did you? About the boy and the kiss. Joey: I tried. Believe me, I tried things are really complicated at the moment Wilder: Oh, I see. More complicated than they were on Friday? Joey: Yes. Wilder: And complicated I bad? Joey: Yes Wilder: Something's have changed since Friday. Joey: Yes. Wilder: You've changed since Friday? Joey: Yes, no. Nothing's changed. Wilder: Yet, everything is more complicated, and you need to drop my class. Joey: Look, I took too many classes. Ok, I didn't know what I wanted to study, and your class sounded like fun. Wilder: Oh, it is fun. 9.4 on the in last years course guide. Joey: All right, believe me it was a stupid thing to do, ok. You warned me about the work involved. A lot of people did, and I guess I thought I could handle it. Wilder: And what makes you think you can't? Joey: Cause I am obviously freaking out. Wilder: Good point. You know, no matter how many times this happens, and I lied it happens a lot. It still feels like getting dumped by your first girlfriend. [He grabs her form and signs it.] Have a nice life Ms. Potter. [The campus grounds. Audrey and Dawson are walking along talking about things.] Audrey: So, Dawson. You are not to happy to be stuck with me right now are you? Dawson: No, not at all. You know, it's probably best that Joey and I are apart right now. If we spent the whole afternoon together right now we would probably say something that we would regret. Audrey: Like? Dawson: Like, why am I letting this girl ruin my life. Audrey: Ohhh. Dawson: I'm sorry, I should not be discussing with you. Audrey: No, hey, you don't have to apologize to me. I live with the girl. Dawson: Do you ever find yourself wondering why someone so smart can be so stupid? Audrey: Every day. Ok, this is it. Dawson: What is it? Audrey: This is. This is where the campus tour starts. Dawson: Nobody here. Audrey: Yeah, I know. It happens a lot. To tell you the truth, the campus tour isn't all that interesting. Still the show must go on, even if it is for only one person. So, lets go. Dawson: Where? Audrey: The campus tour. Dawson: But there is nobody here. Audrey: Oh, but see there. You're here, and I'm here [] Dawson: You're the tour guide. Audrey: Bingo. You can thank me later for rocking your world. [The radio station. Jen makes her way into join him, as he is on the air.] Charlie: Well it's Charlie time here, and we're playing all sorts of bold sad bstrd, as we do every Monday morning. Here on WBCW anything weepy, anything mopey, anything that is remotely bold, like we just had the request for the smith's classic, Girlfriend in a coma. So we are just about to get that one on right now. Jen: Yeah, um, I'm sorry. We're not going to play that. Charlie: [whispers] That's on. Jen: Oh, I know. I turned it on. Charlie: My new producer, ladies and gentlemen. Jen .Jen now would come the part, where it is painfully obvious, that I don't know her last name. Jen: Lindley. Jen Lindley. appalling isn't it folks, so like the talent to forget the names of the little people behind the scenes. Charlie: Right, sorry about that. So, you were about to tell us about a problem with Girlfriend in a coma. Jen: Yeah, we're not going to play it. You see, the problem with college radio stations is too many requests for misunderstood, ambisexually geniuses. Charlie: That's tough. Jen: People want to be led. So Charlie, Mr. DJ. Guy, what is it with you and this radio thing? You like to talking to people who can't talk back? Charlie: No. I guess I just like music. Jen: Well, why all this mope rock? Why not Rap? Or Punk? Or the Ramones? Charlie: Well, Jen. I guess that I have learned in my vast experience, that people tend to feel low energy on Monday mornings. Jen: And why is that exactly? Charlie: Because generally they have gone out on the weekend and done something that regret. Jen: Or not done something they regret. It is possible, you will agree with me here, that you feel more regretful for the things that you haven't done, than the thing you have. Like say, forgetting to get the phone number of someone the first time you meet them. Charlie: Well Jen you are right, that would be a tragedy, unless the girl , excuse me woman involved, had blown you of majorly, and apparently had a boyfriend. Tall, good looking, dark haired Jen: Oh, I see, so what you are running here is a radio program for mopey straight guys who are easily threatened by obviously gay men in Ambercrombie Sweaters. Frankly, I don't see how the University can condone this blatantly niche marketing. I'm afraid things are going to have to change here. And quick. Charlie: All right, we are going to play that Smith's classic, and then a little sedated. We will be back. [The deans boat that Pacey is living on. Pacey walks out holding a Polaroid picture and Melanie comes out trying to get it from him.] Pacey: And I am definitely keeping this one. Melanie: Oh, Pacey. No. Pacey: What? Am I not allowed to keep a souvenir of my travels? Melanie: Not, this one. Pacey: You know I love the French. They come down to the Caribbean's, the colonize the islands, they destroy the indigenous cultures, and what do they replace them with? Topless beaches. the British would have never ever thought of that. And I'm keeping this one. [steals back the picture, and kisses her.] Melanie: Fine, you win. Just don't leave it anywhere my uncle can see it. Pacey: Don't worry about it. You see, this is no longer his boat, it is mine. Melanie: Oh, right. I forgot.[She kisses him] Oh, I've got to go. Pacey: No. Melanie: Are you going to meet me later at the Pacey: Yes. I will, but only under protest. Melanie: Oh, so I want to have another meal with you besides breakfast. And wear the new shirt I bought you. Pacey: Yes mam. [They kiss goodbye, and she walks down the docs as Dougie is walking up them towards the boat] Doug: So that must be the famous Melanie. Pacey: Yes indeed. Melanie Shay Tompson. Let me ask you this, Dougie. Why is it, that Rich people always have three names? Dougie: Oh, I don't know. I guess the more people you are named after, the more wills you could potentially appear in. What the hell are you planning on doing with your life, Pace? Pacey: Dougie, come on. Does this conversation ever get more interesting for you? Cause it doesn't ever ver any more interesting for me. Dougie: Well, it's been, what, three or four weeks, since you got back from the Caribbean. Pacey: It's been three and a half weeks. Why is the tan starting to fade? Dougie: Are you planning on staying in Boston? Pacey: Just until the next gigantic yacht needs another deck hand. Dougie: So, this whole waiting on the rich thing, is going to be a permanent part of your life? IS that it? Pacey: No, Dougie, noting is permanent. Dougie: Good. Then here I've got something for you. [He takes out a business card and hands it to Pacey.] Pacey: What's this? Dougie: A guy I know in Boston. A chef. Pacey: Doug, I told you. I'm not getting a job in some stupid restaurant, or folding shirts or selling shoes. I am on to something bigger and better here, and it is only a matter of time before I get back out there. Dougie: Oh, yes, the sea. I forgot. And here I am with out my Old Spice. Look just go see this guy, Pacey? Ok, And do it today. I told him that you were going to come by, and see him. So, please just this once, will do me this favor. Please? Pacey: Ok, ok, look, if I go see this guy, will you get off my case? Dougie: Nothing would make me happier, little brother. [SCENE_BREAK] [The school admin office. There is a huge line that wraps down all the flights of stairs and out the building. Joey stops, to ask a boy in line what this it.] Joey: Is this the line to drop classes? Boy: Yes, this is it. [The campus grounds next to a lake. Audrey and Dawson are walking along talking together.] Audrey: So, Dawson. Dawson: Yes? Audrey: Answer the question that is on everyone's mind. Is USC all it's cracked up to be? Dawson: That's the question on everybody's mind? What kind of circles are you traveling in? Audrey: Oh, the Jen, Jack, Joey ones. Dawson: Ahhh. Audrey: You know, you can tell me the truth. I mean, I am from LA, and I hate it, so I can't imagine what Strangers must think. Dawson: It's ..it's not entirely awful. Audrey: Well, That's high praise. You know something, I bet you know someone from my high school. Dawson: Who? Audrey: Kirsten Smith. Dawson: Oh my god, you know that girl. Audrey: Yes. Is she still working on her short film about accosting minor celebrities in public washrooms? Dawson: Oh, that's not a short film any more. She's trying to expand it into a feature, and she changed her name to Kiwi. No last name. Just Kiwi. Audrey: Oh my god. Dawson: I knew film school would be full of posers, I just didn't know it would be this bad. Audrey: But, I mean you like it. Like, in general. Dawson: Yeah Yeah, why wouldn't I? Audrey: I don't know, call me crazy, but generally, people who love college, don't fly all the way across the country to see their old high school friends. In October. Dawson: Everyone gets homesick. Audrey: Yeah, except this is not your home. Dawson: All my friends are here. Audrey: You mean Joey? Dawson: And Jack and Jen. I mean, to be honest, I sometimes this it's a curse to have these great friends from high school. I mean, if all you had back at home was four years of unabated misery, You would have no body to miss. Everybody you meet would be a pleasant surprise, compared to Audrey: This totally haneous let down compared to the people you already know. I'm worried about you, Dawson. Dawson: Thank you, I'm glad somebody is. [The Restaurant. Danny the chef is talking with the waitresses when Pacey comes in.] Danny: To repeat, the specials today are, steamed cockles, rabbit ravioli in a butter sage sauce.. Girl: Good, I love bunny. Can we go now? Danny: Scatter. And push the fish. Girl: On Monday? Do you want us to kill people? [The waitresses leave.] Danny: She's kidding. The fish is fine. You eat rabbit? Pacey: I like anything that's free. Danny: Here. Pacey: Thanks. That's not bad. Danny: Don't kid yourself, it's spectacular. Pacey: Well, I have never exactly eaten thumper before, so I have nothing to judge it against. Danny: That's a good point. You the new dish washer? Pacey: [Giggles] No. I am looking for this guy, Danny Brecker. Danny: Brecker, yeah that's me. Pacey: You're the chef? Danny: I prefer cook, but whatever. This is my kitchen, you found me, go for it before we get slammed in here. Pacey: Well, I'm just here as kind of a favor to my big brother. Danny: You're Dougie's brother? Pacey: Yeah, Pacey. Danny: Then you are the new dishwasher. Pacey: No, I'm a deckhand. I spent the entire summer sailing around the Caribbean on a 48 foot yacht. Danny: Then you have never worked around a kitchen before? Pacey: No. Danny: Then you are a dish washer. Pacey: No, you are not hearing me. I'm just here as a favor to my big brother. In fact, if you could give him a call and tell him I dropped by, I would really appreciate it. And maybe tell him that you gave the job to somebody else. Danny: Yeah, yeah, he told me that you would try that. HE also said that you just graduated High School, and no interest in going to college. Pacey: Right, because college is the answer to everybody's problems. I appreciate the fact that you are offering me a job here, but I told you I already have a job. Danny: Hey, hey hay. What ever you say Popeye. I'm sure out there in the middle of the ocean you are completely the bomb. Pacey: I am actually. Danny: Well, right here, right now in the kitchen I need a dishwasher, and if you don't want to be that guy, then I suggest you leave, because I look at you and you don't look like a guy needs this job. Pacey: You're right, I don't. Danny: Well then, I don't think I need to be looking at you anymore. Pacey: Fine. [Charlie's bedroom. Jen is sitting on the floor looking at some of Charlie's books, as Charlie is looking around for a CD.] Jen: Why do you have a vindication of the rights of women, Sexual politics by Kate Mill, And the autobiography of Alice Eutoclis by Gertrude Stein? I mean, it's kind of overkill, don't you think. I would have bought it if you just had one. Charlie: I happen to be taking feminist lit class, thank you very much. Jen: Oh, so you can meet women. Charlie: You know, not all things are conspiracies, some things just are. Jen: Like me being up here in your room. Charlie: You invited yourself here. Jen: Only to settle a bet, that we had going at the radio station. Charlie: I'm telling you, I'm right about this. Jen: What ever. I'll believe it when I hear it. If you even own this record. Charlie: If? Jen: Yes, If. I just have a hard time believing that same person who has Licensed to Ill, also has Volume 2 of the essential Dolly Parton collection. Charlie: Give me that. Jen: And why is it so important to you that I listen to this song? Charlie: Because, once you here Dolly Parton's original 1974 recording of I'll always love you, the song made popular and sucky on the Bodyguard soundtrack. You will truly and possibly for the first time in your entire life, what it means not to suck. And at that point your entire universe will turn upside down. Everything that used to seem normal to you, will suddenly seem right. Jen: And that is a good thing? Charlie: Of course it is a good thing. What is music for, if it is not to subvert all you expectations and blow your mind every once in a while. Jen: Well, I thought that was what people were for. Charlie: What? Jen: Nothing, I, I just can't believe you like country music. Charlie: Well, I like all kinds of music, unlike you who's obviously very cynical and very closed minded. It's probably one of those upper middle class, heavy television, freaky batgirls that drive around town in their father's old Volvo. Jen: I came here from a small town, I like to knit, and I live with my grandmother. Charlie: Works for me. [In the line to drop the class. Joey calls Dawson on her cell phone.] Joey: Hi it's me. Dawson: Hey, we were just talking about you. Joey: We? Dawson: Yeah, Audrey and me. Joey: I thought you were taking that tour. Dawson: I am in a way. Joey: Well, look, this whole class dropping thing is taking a little longer than anticipated. The line is out of control. [Dawson turns to Audrey, as they are walking.] Dawson: She says the line is out of control. Audrey: Yeah that's a bummer, here let me talk to her. Joey, hi this is Audrey, we are going to hang up now. [Audrey sees Joey and they go and walk up to her as Joey is trying to yell over the phone even though Audrey has hung up.] Joey: Audrey? Audrey? Audrey: Hi. Dawson: Hi. Joey: Hi. What did I miss? Dawson: Well, I went to go take the tour, turns out that Audrey is the tour guide. Joey: Audrey is the Tour Guide? Audrey: Yeah the pay sucks, but it allows me to combine two of my passions. Performing in front of a small audience, and getting strangers to fall in love with me. Joey: Audrey, do you think you could Audrey: Hold you place for you? Sure. Joey: Thanks. [Audrey takes her place in line and Joey and Dawson go off on the side.] Joey: You spent the entire morning with her? Dawson: Yeah, I like her. She's a trip. She's easy to talk to. Joey: Dawson she's just flirting with you. She flirts with everybody. Animal, vegetable, mineral Dawson: Yeah, I know. I think it's great. [He looks over to Audrey, who smiles and waves back.] Joey: You know, I'm sorry this is taking so long, maybe you should go hang out with Jen and Jack. Dawson: Maybe we should finish the conversation we started this morning. Joey: WE had a great weekend, why should we spoil it with Dawson: What? Joey: With a lot of talk that ultimately means nothing. Dawson: So the future of out relationship means nothing to you. Joey: The Future? Dawson, you are getting on a plane in a couple of hours. All I said in my message is exactly what you said back in June. You know, we have to move on, we have to go our separate ways. Dawson: Are you a hundred percent prepared to do that? Joey: No, I should just go. Dawson: Yeah, you should. [The go back over to Audrey] Audrey: Hi. [SCENE_BREAK] [The admin office. The clerk calls for Joey to come up, and Joey hands her the drop form.] Clerk: Next Joey: I need to drop this class. Clerk: Sorry sweetie, but last time I heard Oscar Wilde didn't teach here at Worthington he died in 1900. Joey: Uh, no. No it's not Wilde, it's Wilder. As in David Wilder. Clerk: I'm sure that is what it is supposed to say, but if you actually want to drop this class, you are going to have to take this back and get it signed by somebody who is actually alive. Next! [A fancy restaurant. Pacey and Melanie are finishing up their meal.] Pacey: Ok, I just want it noted for the record this was not my idea of fun. Melanie: Fine, you can torture me with grilled cheese tomorrow. What do you suddenly have against nice restaurants? Pacey: Nothing Per Se. I just hate places like this. Melanie: And what else would you rather be doing? Pacey: [He gives here a huge smile.] Melanie: We don't have time. I have chores this afternoon. I do have a life, beside frolicking with you. Pacey: Yeah, I know, but you don't enjoy it. Melanie: How do you know? Pacey: Because nobody enjoys law school. That is just something you do to make you parents happier. Melanie: That is so not true. Pacey: Really? So you parents are not happy? Melanie: No, they are ecstatic. Why else would they let me go cruising around the Caribbean all summer on my uncle's boat. Pacey: Very good point. Well, now that I think about it, maybe Mommy and Daddy are not such bad folks after all. Melanie: Now your mood is improving. Pacey: Which is why you and I should get out of here immediately. [Melanie grabs the check that the waiter lies on the table.] Pacey: What are you doing? Melanie: I'm paying the check. Pacey: Why? Melanie: Because you don't have a job. Pacey: You don't have a job either. Melanie: No, but I have a credit card and an allowance and a trust fund. [] What? You'd rather pretend I don't? Pacey: Ok, give this to me. Melanie: No. When your ship comes in, you can take me out for gumbo or something. But until then, get with the times. This is what debutants do for their cute slacker boyfriends. [Charlie's room. Jen wakes up next to Charlie after they have had sx, and begins to freak out.] Jen: Oh god. No. Oh go. No. Charlie: What? What did I miss? Hey what did I miss? Jen: What time is it? Charlie: Um, Five something. Jen: Oh, Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Shoot. Hey, why, why did you let me fall asleep? Charlie: I wasn't aware we were keeping some sort of vigil. Jen: I can't believe I did this. Charlie: Did what? Jen: Did this. After everything that Jack and I talked about. Charlie: Who's Jack? Jen: He's my Gay best friend. Have you not been listening to me this entire time? Oh god, my shoes. I need my shoes. Charlie: ok, your shoes are down in the basement, and I'm not even up yet. Jen: Look, I'm late. I'm very late. I have to go to dinner with. I have a very upset grandmother. I have friends coming over. I need a shoe. Charlie: Your grandmother? Jen: Yes, my grandmother. I live with my grandmother. Charlie: I thought you were kidding about that. Jen: No. I'm Can I borrow your shoes. [She grabs his shoes and puts them on and almost trips trying to walk in them.] Charlie: Hey, hold on, hold on, hold on. Stop. Look, stop, please don't do this. Jen: What? Do what? Charlie: Pretend what just happened, didn't happen. Jen: What happened? I don't know what happened. Charlie: Something did happen. I met you. I liked you. You liked me. We had s*x. So if you could just take a second, stop, and appreciate that fact. Because that is frickin' amazing day for me. Alright and if it all the same to you, I don't want to have to go out next Friday and start the process all over again with a girl I don't like half as much as I like you. Jen: Ok. Charlie: Ok, what? Jen: Ok, you can call me. Charlie: Why should I call you, you are right here. [HE kisses her and then they go back into the room and close the door.] [Prof. Wilder's classroom. Wilder is finishing up with the class as everyone is leaving.] Wilder: Little light for a grade. [He smiles and hands the paper back to the student as he leave] [Joey walks in to confront him.] Joey: That wasn't funny. Wilder: That was a little funny. Joey: You had not right to do that to me. I wasted my entire morning on that line. Wilder: I'm sure you did. Joey: And most of the afternoon. You know, if you didn't want to sign my form, you should have just said so in the first place. Wilder: And miss out on all the fun we're having right now? Ok, not having any fun. Look, the truth is, when I encounter the rare High School graduate who knows the difference between, its possessive no apostrophe, and it's contraction with the apostrophe. My blood tends to race a bit, so yes I sent you on a wild goose chase. But you will forgive me for not wanting to part so easily with a student that I found promising. Joey: That's no excuse for what you did to me. You can't compliment your way out of this. Wilder: You fluster really easily, don't you Ms. Potter. You have this almost amazing inability to role with the punches. Joey: Is my personality being graded here? Wilder: No. It's just generally college requires a lot more juggling than high school. It is a lot less structured environment. And you know, lets not dance around the issue any more. You are getting a, uh, C? In my class, correct? Joey: Correct. Wilder: Something tells me that you wouldn't be going through all this trouble to drop my class if you were getting something other than a C. Is that correct? Joey: No, probably not. Wilder: So, I see, You are one of those people that do things that she can do well. Joey: No, actually I do a lot of things, that I don't do well. Wilder: Name one. Joey: This. I don't do this very well, because dropping this class is taking up my entire day. And that boy, the one that wasn't supposed to come visit me. Well, he did, and now he is out there debating the future of our relationship, which incidentally I had already determined had not future with my roommate the professional Man Magnet. While I seem to be stuck in this endless loop with you, so you know what? If you don't want to let me drop the class, fine, but I think I at least deserve a straight answer. Wilder: Here [He hands her a pad of paper.] Joey: What is this? Wilder: Write it down, because what you just said made absolutely no sense, but if you can make sense of it on that page, then I will let you go chase this boy of yours. Joey: You realize that this is completely unfair. Wilder: I realize this, yes. [Joey sits down and begins writing.] [The top of a school bell tower. Dawson and Audrey are looking over the edge at the entire campus.] Dawson: So is this really where people go to kill themselves? Audrey: Yep, usually right before the LSATs. Or, you know, sometimes people just come up here to make out. You want to? Dawson: Ha, ha, ha. Yeah! Audrey: No. Dawson: Oh, why not? Audrey: Because, even though she would probably deny it with every last breath in her body. Joey is my friend, at least she is going to be. And I don't think she would like it too much. Dawson: I wish I could be just half as sure about that as you are. Audrey: God, I love this place. I mean, look at this. This is what college is supposed to look like. LA couldn't look like this in a million years. Oh, yeah, I forget, you like it there. Dawson: Yes, I do. Audrey: Well, and things are going very well for you. I mean, you've got that internship with the film company, and you got to meet Todd. Dawson: Yeah I did. Audrey: Oh, so that's not too bad for a first day. You know. And you will probably be going back. Dawson: Yeah, I'm going back. What am I going to do? Drop of USC and move to Boston. I mean that would be like scaling the heights of a mountain, and jumping off this bell tower. Audrey: I meant the job. You're going back to the job, right? Dawson: Oh, right the job. Actually, I must have forgotten to mention...I actually, got fired, from the job. Audrey: So, that is one less thing tying you to LA. Dawson: Yeah, One less thing. [He looks around, not knowing what to do.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Prof. Wilder's classroom. Wilder is reading Joey's paper she just wrote.] Wilder: Not bad Ms. Potter. I think we might have just discovered major failing in life and art. Joey: What's that? Wilder: Over thinking things. Because when it comes right down to it, you obviously know how to separate what matters and what doesn't. [He grabs her form and signs it again.] Joey: You probably think I'm whimping out or something Wider: I wouldn't' say that. Joey: It's just, I know my limits, you know. And I don't want to mess up this new life I'm trying to start for myself, by trying to do everything at once. I wake up every day, I'm in this bizarre new environment. I'm totally and completely alone for the first time in my life. So, maybe I am a little afraid of getting a C, but if I am, it's because a lot of people have made a lot of sacrifices so that I could get to this place. My sister, my friends, my mother, even my dad in his screwed up non law-abiding way. So Wilder: You know, it sounds like you might have had a lot of interesting stories to tell. [He puts the paper down on the table and leaves. Joey picks it up and there is a A minus on it. Scene cuts to outside where Joey is looking at the drop form and then drops it in the trash as she walks by.] [The restaurant. Pacey comes in as Danny is preparing some food.] Danny: Back for the dinner tasting? Pacey: If I am, it's not because the food is so great, believe me. Danny: Gee, I think I will wait until the food and wine critics stop raving about it. Pacey: How do you sleep at night charging people $25 a head for this stuff? I mean, what is this? It's just a pork chop that you are drizzling just a little bit of sauce on, then you add one of these little French fried potatoes to the mashed potatoes, right? Danny: IT'S a BoFrett potato. Pacey: Whatever. All I know is that Leon, the chef on the boat I was working on this summer. The only thing that he would do to the food that he was serving to us that he would do to the food he was serving the bosses, was make the stack the food up a little higher and add one of those things. Danny: Interesting. Most chefs don't serve the good stuff to the little people. Cuts into their profit margin. Pacey: Little people, I line that. You see, Leon was good people. HE was probably just one step ahead of the authorities, but what can you do? Danny: Yeah, you will find that a lot in the food industry. How do you think I know your brother? My wife's parents have a place in Capeside. When I'm not cooking I tend to get drunk a lot and howl at the moon. That surprise you? Pacey: Yeah, I can't imagine any woman would marry you, what was she thinking? Danny: You have a better sense of humor than your brother has, not that I can use that around here, unless you have seen the error of your ways. Pacey: Actually I have seen the error of your ways. You see You don't want me washing your dishes. Danny: I don't? Pacey: No I am Much to valuable a commodity for that. Danny: I thought that we established that your skills didn't transfer to dry land. Pacey: But you see, that was before you knew I caught, cleaned and cook, just about every fish in the western hemisphere, ok. And if I can do that, I am pretty sure I can master Dicing tomatoes, and chopping up parsley. Danny: Show up on time everyday, and work clean, and you can have pretty much any job around here including mine. Pacey: Oh, cool, because from what I can tell, you pretty much don't do anything around here any ways. [Pacey is leaving the restaurant and runs into one of the waitresses smoking outside.] Pacey: Hey, take you time. Waitress: Oh, hey. New guy? Pacey: Yeah. Waitress: Don't look so shocked. Everyone that works in the restaurant smokes. And if they don't they start when they find out the ones that do, get ten times the number of breaks. You? Pacey: Un, no thanks. Those things will kill you know. Waitress: I do. Doesn't matter anyways. I'm going to quit soon. The job, not the cigarettes. Pacey: It's that bad, huh? Waitress: This place? Awful, but you know, the people are nice, and I don't mean the customers. Pacey: Yeah, Danny seems pretty nice. Waitress: Thinks he's a rock star. They all do. Everyone that works in the kitchen. Chicks like them in a big way. It's probably why you showed up here in the first place. Pacey: Actually it turns out that I am a one woman man. Provided she is the right kind. Waitress: And what kind is that? Pacey: For starters, it's the kind that don't smoke. Waitress: Ouch. You really know how to hurt a girl. Pacey: A month ago I was watching this sunset from the deck of a gigantic yacht in the middle of the Caribbean. And today, I.. Waitress: Stuck working here. Pacey: Yeah. Waitress: Yeah, well, here's not so bad really, because when it comes down to it. What matter isn't where you are, but who you are there with. Here. [] Hold these for me, and tomorrow, when I ask for them back, say no. Oh, and you might want to rethink the shirt. [The Dorms. Joey runs into Audrey as she is coming into the building.] Joey: Hey where's Audrey: Dawson? Joey: Yeah. Audrey: He's gone. Joey: Gone? What do you mean, Gone? Audrey: I mean, he's gone. He left. He said that, he's tired of you yanking his chain, or you know, not yanking it as the case may be. And that, uh, he was an idiot for wasting all this time coming to visit you when there are a zillion of perfectly nice girls at USC who would kill to go out with him. [Joey finally figures out that she is pulling her leg.] Joey: You on drugs? Audrey: Hey. I spent the whole day, trying to defend you. I said, it was a woman's right to be mysterious and difficult. You know, the good ones always are. Apparently, you and I have that in common, but yeah, he wouldn't listen. HE said that he was going Cali, and he was never coming back you know. No matter how many pathetic drunken messages you accidentally leave on his answering machine. Joey: Ok, so where is he? Audrey: Where else? He's at the airport. Go! [Joey runs out of the dorm.] [The airport, seating area. Dawson and Joey are sitting and talking to each other before his flight.] Clerk in BG: Thank you, sir, You are all set. Man: Thank You. Joey: So, did you get to say goodbye to Jen and Jack? Dawson: Uh, yeah, jack at least. Uh, Jen wasn't there when I stopped by. Man, must be nice. Joey: What is? Dawson: Having them around all the time. Joey: Yeah, it is. Even though it is someone else's house, and somebody else's grandmother, it's still like having a safety net I guess. Or I don't know a Dawson: A family. Joey: Yeah, Like a family. Puts everything in perspective. It helps you separate what matters from what doesn't. Clerk: This is your final call. Boarding all rows at gate C-3. [He stands up, and then turns back to Joey.] Dawson: And what does matter? Joey: You. That's why I got upset this morning, Dawson. I had spent the entire weekend thinking that you had heard everything I had to say on that message and that you came anyway. That you understood me. Dawson: Joey, as long that I live, I will never understand you. I mean, I had this fantastic weekend. Hanging out with you. Hanging out with my friends. Questions whether or not, I even wanted to go back to LA, and then I wake up this morning to find out that the girl that was so upset that I couldn't come, could actually kiss me off in the waning hours of Friday night. Clerk: Once again folks, this is the final call for gate C-3. [He turns to the gate, and then back to Joey.] Joey: Dawson, I never said it was going to be easy. Dawson: Then tell me one thing that you do know. Joey: I know that I wanted you there. At the end of the day, when I got back to my room, I wanted you there. Dawson: Why? Joey: I don't know why. I don't know what I meant. I just know that I wanted you there. Dawson: Joey, I am here. I've been here for two days, and only now are we finding a way to talk about stuff that really matters. Like why you left that message. All right? And you know, maybe that is the ending we are supposed to have. Maybe every other attraction that we feel each other is just, fear of moving on, fear of growing up. Joey: Is that what you really think? Dawson: I don't know, but I do know that if I get on this plane, I am never going to find out. All right, because, we're gonna, we're gonna move on, we're going to grow up, and four years from now we are going to wake up, and we are going to be complete strangers to each other. The only thing that I know for sure, it that I don't want that to happen. Do you? [The clerk comes up to Dawson and taps him on the shoulder.] Clerk: Sir. Are you getting on the plane sir? [Dawson looks at her and then back to Joey.] Dawson: Do you want that to happen? Joey: No. Of course not. [Dawson drops his bag, and they sit back down on the chairs, and continue to talk as the camera pulls away.]	Plan: A: Pacey; Q: Who gets a job at a restaurant? A: an attractive waitress; Q: What is Karen's job? A: Karen; Q: What is the name of the waitress Pacey meets? A: a mysterious boyfriend; Q: What does Karen have that Pacey doesn't know about? A: Dawson; Q: Who visits Joey, but ends up spending more time with Audrey? A: Joey; Q: Who does Dawson visit at the university? A: the campus; Q: What does Audrey give Dawson a tour of? A: Jen; Q: Who helps Charlie at the radio station? Summary: Pacey reluctantly gets a job at a restaurant and meets an attractive waitress named Karen. Although Karen has a mysterious boyfriend, that doesn't stop Pacey from feeling attracted to her. Dawson arrives to visit Joey, but ends up spending more time with Audrey who jokingly flirts with him while giving him a guided tour of the campus. Jen helps Charlie at the radio station and lands a job there herself.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Jamie : What's a love child? CEO : Did I not ask you to look into the Nathan Scott situation to find out if there was a story? Mouth : Right now, it's nothing but a rumor in some low-rent tabloid. That's not fair, and it's not what I do. CEO : Yeah, just keep walking, McFadden. You're off the air! Brooke : Where is Makenna? Alex : Millie can handle it. She can take Makenna's place. Alex : There's an after after party that nobody's invited to except us. You're going. Say "yes." Millicent : Yes. Alex : Yes! Julian : I wouldn't mind meeting with the writer. I got a few ideas. Alex : I wrote it. Julian : If you're serious about this, I'd be willing to work with you on it, but only if you're committed. Alex : I would love to commit to you, Julian. Quinn : I'm sorry, David. I think we should get a divorce. Clay : Where to? Quinn : Your place. Just drive. Haley : What are you doing here? Renee : He doesn't love you. Haley : You don't know what you're talking about, sweetie. Renee : He told me while we were making love. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Renee : Maybe I am a slut, but that's what Nathan liked about me. He had me do all kinds of things to him that he said you would never... Animator : that's the only hit to come out of rock star Haley James Scott in five years. Let's see that again! Renee : He had me do all kinds of things to him that he said you would never... Nathan : Well, I suppose there's a worse thing than hitting a pregnant woman. Haley : Yeah? Like what? Nathan : Let's see that again! Just give me a second. Renee :...that he said you would never. Nathan : Mm. Good slap, though. Haley : Thank God Jamie and Quinn aren't awake to see this. Nathan : It's okay. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Clay : It's a long walk of shame from here to Nate's. You might want to eat something first. Quinn : Yeah, I was just gonna grab a cab of shame, so, I'm good, but thank you. Clay : You know, I can drive you. You know, it's cheaper than a cab of shame and comes with a free meal. Quinn : It's more the driver that I'm worried about, so... Clay : Did I mention I made breakfast burritos? Quinn : I do like breakfast burritos. Clay : Mm-hmm. I make a mean breakfast burrito. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Julian : Have you seen Alex's script? I'm working with her today. Ohh. Sorry. Good morning, Brooke Davis. You get sexier and younger every day. Brooke : Well, good morning, babe. You're so sweet. Julian : So, have you seen her script? Brooke : You certainly do know how to hit the off switch. Julian : Sorry, babe, but you know I'm working with her today. Brooke : Yeah. I'm not so sure that's a good idea. I don't trust her around men. She's like one of those herpes from mythology. Julian : You mean "harpies"? Brooke : No, actually, I don't. Her underwear should be a welcome mat, and I've seen the way she looks at you. Can't you find a better script, written by an uglier person? Julian : Trust me, I'm not interested in the writer. I'm interested in the story. Brooke : As long as it doesn't become the story you and Alex tell your kids someday when they ask how you met. Julian : Hey. The only kids I'll be telling stories to... will be ours. Brooke : That's a good answer. Julian : Have a good day. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Mouth : Have a good night? Millicent : Marvin. You scared me. Mouth : Well, then, I guess we're even, then. Where have you been? Millicent : It was such a crazy night. One of the models passed out, so Brooke let me go up in her place. Mouth : You modeled? Millicent : Yeah. Can you believe it? And then Alex wanted to celebrate, so we went out for a few drinks, and I guess I just lost track of time. Mouth : Weren't you tipped off when the sun came up? You never even called. Millicent : I know, and I'm really sorry, but can we talk about it at lunch? I'm late for work. I really am sorry. AT TV BROADCAST Dan : I'm not seeing the licorice whips. Man : Oh, I must have forgotten to order more. I... I'm sorry, Mr. Scott. Dan : Hey. I forgive you. Rachel : "Nathan Scott: a basketball star's love child." Like father, like son, huh? AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : So, I guess, since you're playing video games, you've already brushed your teeth, huh? Jamie : You know it. Haley : If you're lying, the tooth police will come and take your teeth away. Nathan : That's right, and then everyone's gonna call you "gummy Scott." Jamie : Right. I'll get it. I'll brush! I'll brush! Policeman : Haley Scott? You're under arrest for assault and battery. Please turn around. Haley : Excuse me?! Policeman : Put your hands behind your back. Nathan : You're not arresting my wife. Policeman : You need to step away, sir. Nathan : Are you serious? Policeman :...in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. Nathan : Oh, you guys are real heroes, aren't you? Jamie : Mom! Haley : It's okay, baby. Go inside. I'll be home later. Nathan : Haley, we're right behind you. Okay? Don't worry. IN JAIL Bitch #1 : I bet you charge a lot for that innocent-mommy look, huh? Haley : What? Courtney : Hey, I know you. My husband showed me your clip on the internet last night, then he got an I.M. from some dirty skank, so I smashed him over the head with a keyboard. Bitch #1 : She was on the internet? What did she do? Courtney : Bitch-slapped some pregnant chick. Bitch #1 : That is cold. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Quinn : You know, this has been quite the bonus for spending the night. So, what kind of feast would you make me if I spent the whole weekend? Clay : Probably something to go. Quinn : So, did you learn to cook just to impress women? Clay : Something like that. Quinn : Does your phone ever stop buzzing? Because I only have one thing that vibrates that much. Clay : They're all business calls. Quinn : Oh, really? Okay. All business calls. Let's see. Hmm. Katie, Alex, Faith. Ooh, Melissa, Kylie. So, you're a pimp? Clay : Mm. Let's see who your last five calls are. David, David... David, David. David. Sorry. Make you a deal. I'll turn off mine if you turn off yours. Quinn : Deal. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Clay cell phone : This is Clay. Leave a message. Nathan : Clay, where the hell are you? Haley's been arrested! Call me back! Jamie : Aunt Quinn isn't in her room, and she made her bed just like mom makes it. It doesn't even look like she slept in there. AT MOUTH'S OFFICE Harvey : So, after you read me the numbers, I write them down in this book. Got it? Mouth : Actually, I came up with the whole logging system when I first started. They, uh, they used to call it the Marvin method. Harvey : We call it logging tapes. CEO : So, did, uh, Harvey explain the job to you? I believe he came up with the logging method himself. Now, of course, you could be a real reporter again if you just read the stories we give you. Mouth : I am a real reporter. That's why I don't report gossip. CEO : Fine. Well, just keep logging it instead. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Millicent : I'm so sorry I'm late! Please don't kill me! Okay! Please don't have sx with me, either. Brooke : You are not gonna believe this! You were a huge hit last night! Huge! Millicent : They think I look ordinary. Brooke : No, they think you're amazing... "beautiful, sexy, smokin' hot." Millicent : This person thinks I look like a turd sandwich! Brooke : Okay. You can't focus on one negative comment. Millicent : This person agrees! Brooke : Well, then, listen to me! I think you're gorgeous! Millicent : You don't think I look like "a frumpy whore on bingo night"? Brooke : No! If I did, would I ask you to model full time? We want to do a whole line based on "zero is not a size." I mentioned the idea to Victoria, and she jumped on it so fast, you'd think it was Julian's dad. Millicent : I'm not a model. Brooke : But you were last night. Did you like it or not? Millicent : Yeah, I did. Brooke : Well, there you go. Alex isn't a model, either, and that's not stopping her from taking my money. Millicent : Yeah, but Alex is a lot sexier than me. AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM Alex : Hi, Julian! You ready to give me notes? Julian : Yes. Here's my first one... get dressed. Alex : Oh. I'm sorry. I just got caught up watching "Grease 2." Does that ever happen to you? Julian : Yes. Alex : Come on in. I'll be ready in a sec. Julian : Ohh. I thought you were getting dressed! Alex : I did. See? Julian : No. At least it's not a welcome mat. Alex : I wore them when I auditioned for "Wonder woman," but I didn't get the part. Does that mean they're bad luck? Maybe I should take them off. Julian : No, no, no, no! No. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you need to put more clothes on. Alex : Why? It's not like they're crotchless or edible. Julian : Because if I work with you in yours, I'll never see Brooke in hers again. Alex : Oh, my God. You're so cute. I just want to hug you. Julian : Yeah, don't! Uh, maybe we should do this another day. Maybe somewhere public. Alex : I am really, really excited to start. All set. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Quinn : You're walking me to the door. I didn't know you were such a gentleman. Clay : I'm an enigma. Quinn : You just want to talk to Nathan. Clay : Mystery solved. Nathan : Did you get my messages? Quinn : We turned our phones off. Nathan : Oh, we did, did we? Quinn : What's up? Nathan : Haley's in jail. Quinn, watch Jamie. IN THE AEROPORT Chase : What are you doing here? Mia : You've spent enough time at my studio. I figured I should return the favor. How are lessons going? Chase : There's nothing like it, Mia... flying through the air. I would stay up there forever if it wasn't for you...and gas. Mia : Good to know. I come before gas. Chase : Most of the time, you do. Man : Chase, you're up! Chase : Looks like we're gonna head back up. You want to come? Mia : No, thanks. Musicians and small planes don't mix. Chase : Right. Then I'll learn to fly a big plane. IN JAIL Courtney : I would have slapped that bitch, too. And your cheating husband. Haley : He didn't cheat. Courtney : Really? He is good-looking, famous... and is surrounded by girls. My husband's a fat, lazy bum, and he cheats all the time. It's just what men do. Haley : Well, not Nathan. Courtney : Oh, well, aren't you lucky? You must have found the only one. Well, if he's so great... then why are you still in here? Policewoman : Haley James Scott? Haley : There he is now. Haley : What the hell do you want? Renee : I'm dropping the charges. I shouldn't have provoked you last night. You're not the one that I'm angry with. Haley : Well, that's great. Thank you. Let's do each other's hair now. Renee : Look, I know that you think that I'm lying, but I'm not. Nathan is, to the both of us. Haley : This is such crap. I know him better than anybody else in the world, and what you're saying he did isn't him! Renee : Maybe not when he's sober. But he wasn't. Neither of us were. Haley : What? What is this? The number of men who might be the father of your baby? Renee : It's my phone number. Haley : Look through Nathan's old cell phone bills. I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to protect your family. But so am I. AT ALEX HOTEL ROOM Alex : You hate the sx scenes? But those are my favourite. Julian : I don't hate the sx scenes. Alex : Well, then, why is red ink all over the page? Red ink means bad. Bad, bad. I had a red pen. Julian : I'll use blue next time. And I think the characters should have sx. I just don't think it would happen the way you wrote it. Alex : It did happen the way I wrote it. I mean, it would. Julian : It just doesn't seem realistic to me. The girl rips her clothes off and throws herself at the guy for no reason? I just can't see that happening. Alex : Huh. Julian : You don't need a lot. Maybe just a line or two. Alex : Can you see it happening now? Julian : No! Oh, God. No. No. I can't. Uh... Oh, God. No. Alex : What's the matter? We're working together. Julian : That's not how I work. Alex : This is how all guys work. Julian : Uh... You know... I thought you would actually take this seriously, but I guess that was my mistake. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Millicent : Please tell me you're kidding. Okay, Alex. Settle down. I'll be right over. Mouth : Ready for lunch? Millicent : I'm sorry. That was Alex, and she's upset about something. And it's kind of my job to take care of her. I'll make it up to you. I promise. Brooke : Okay. I pulled some more ... Mouth, where'd Millie go? Mouth : To take care of Alex. Brooke : Oh, good. Get a shovel and help her get rid of the body. Mouth : Is she that bad? Should I be worried about Millie? Brooke : Not unless you think Alex is trying to sleep with her, so yes. Mouth : She stayed out partying all night. Brooke : She was probably celebrating, and I can't say that I blame her. Check these out. Mouth : Wow. These are from last night? Brooke : Amazing, right? Totally not a turd sandwich. I asked her to do it full time. Did you ever think you'd be dating a model? IN JAIL Haley : Well, how did you find out that your husband was cheating on you? Courtney : Which time? I always had my suspicions, you know? But I didn't find out for sure until I walked in on him having sx with my neighbour, and even then he tried to deny it. The only thing that men do more than cheat is lie. Policewoman : Courtney Smith? Your husband's here to bail you out. Courtney : That's me. I'll see you around. Haley : You're going back to him? Courtney : What am I gonna do? I love him. IN THE CHANGING ROOM Rachel : You're not actually gonna call him, are you? Dan : No matter what, Nathan will always be my son. Rachel : Tell him that. How can you be so soft on the inside... and so hard on the outside? Dan : Not now. AT THE POLICE STATION Clay : You okay? Who is it? Nathan : It's nobody. What do you want? Dan : Hi, Nathan. I heard about your problem. I was wondering if I could ... Nathan : If you could what? Help? You made a fortune capitalizing on the murder of your own brother. You save your help for people who don't know you and stay away from me and my family. Dan : Okay, then. Well, you let me know if you need anything. Good talking to you, too. Please try your call again later. Okay. Rachel : You'll never find forgiveness from your family. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Quinn : You know, Jame, you're a smart kid, but you're not quite Beethoven. Are you hungry? Can I make you something? Jamie : Will you take me to see my mom? Quinn : Your dad will be home soon. We wouldn't want to be gone when she gets home, would we? Jamie : I guess not. Do you still love uncle David? Quinn : Yeah. Why would you ask me that? Jamie : Why aren't you with him? Quinn : It's a lot of little things. Jamie : Like what? Quinn : I don't know. It's complicated. Jamie : That's not a very good answer. Quinn : I know. Jamie : Actually, I could go for some cereal. Quinn : Yeah? Let's go. AT THE POLICE STATION Clay : Renee dropped the charges, so this should all go away. Nathan : Well, Renee is not going away. We need to do something about it. Clay : I'm on it. Nathan : Really? 'Cause from the looks of things this morning, you were on something else. Hey. Are you okay? Haley : Yeah. I just want to get out of here. Clay : Oh, I wish you would have just stayed home and let me take care of this. Nathan : Why? What's the big deal? Clay : Come on. Paparazzi : Mr. Scott! Mr. Scott! Mr. Scott! AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Quinn : Hey, bud, how do you like your cereal? Jamie : Cereal? You just poured milk over a bowl of cookies. Quinn : Are you complaining? Jamie : No. Hold on. I'll be right back. Quinn : David. I just need to know one thing. David : Did you go home with that guy last night? Quinn : Yeah. David : So I guess I was wrong. There was something you could do to make me give up hope. Jamie : Uncle David! Are you gonna stay with us? David : Hey, bud. I'm sorry. I can't. I just came by to say hi to you... and goodbye to your aunt Quinn. AT TRIC Chase : Hey, you! Mia : Hey. Chase : Where you been? Mia : I went to visit my pilot boyfriend this morning. Chase : Hmm. He sounds cool. Mia : Yeah, almost as cool as my bartender boyfriend. Chase : That's "bar manager." Mia : Oh. Miranda : Mia, have you heard from Haley today? She's supposed to be in the studio. Mia : No, not a peep. Miranda : Well, see if you can find her, considering you're such good friends and alike. Mia : Hmm. I really wish you worked at a bar that wasn't attached to my studio. Chase : I won't be working at any bar once I get my pilot's license. I owe that to you. You're the one that inspired me to follow my dreams. Mia : How did I do that? Chase : By following yours. And I never would have met you if the bar that I work at wasn't attached to your studio. Mia : I really hope you make a better pilot than you do a bartender. Chase : That's "manager." AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Clay : We need to go on the offensive before this thing gets any bigger. I'm gonna schedule a press conference today so you can make an official statement. Nathan : And what good will that do? Clay : It'll give people a chance to see who you really are... an honest family man with his wife by his side. Haley : You want me there? Clay : Definitely... I think it's really important that we show that you support Nathan through all this. Nathan : And you really think making a statement is gonna help? Clay : Yeah, look, how much, I don't know, but it'll definitely help. Jamie : Mom! Nathan : Set up the press conference. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke : Hi. How's the story coming? It better not have a happy ending. Julian : Nope. No worries there. It's over. Brooke : What happened? Julian : Let's just say... she's the person you thought she was. Brooke : Does Brooke Davis have to slap a bitch? Julian : No, baby. I just won't be working with her anymore. She's all yours. Brooke : I'm sorry, babe. Are you okay? Julian : Yeah, it's just I hadn't found a script I liked that much in a long time. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think she'd take it seriously. Brooke : Well, you'll find a better script. Julian : Yeah? I guess it's back to renting movies instead of making them. Any suggestions? Brooke : Something that'll put you in a better mood, or at least in the mood to make out with me. Julian : "Grease 2" it is. Brooke : Again? You're weird. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Hey, you. You got any good stories from the inside? Haley : Actually, um... Renee came by. Nathan : What did she want? Haley : Just to tell me that she's dropping the charges, and, uh, she's still insisting that you're the father. Nathan : She's crazy. Haley : Yeah, I know. That's what I told her. She's just so certain. You don't remember meeting her at all or...? Nathan : No. Were you drinking a lot that night? Nathan : You're actually starting to believe her, aren't you? Haley : I'm not. Of course not. I just don't understand why she would make something like this up. I mean, if it's all a lie, we're gonna find out when the baby comes out anyway. So why would she do that? Nathan : She's trying to take advantage of us, Haley. Haley : Why you? Nathan : Great. You're the one person I need to believe me, and you think I'm lying. Haley : I didn't say that. Nathan : You didn't have to. Haley : Nathan. Where are you going? Nathan : Out. And don't worry... I'll try not to knock anyone up. AT THE HOTEL ROOM Alex : There's been a mistake. I ordered my meal alfresco, but I don't want to eat it outside! And I'm still missing my... You're not a cheesecake. Brooke : What do you do? Do you shake hands by spreading your legs? A guy was finally interested in your writing instead of your body, and you did what you do best... you blew it. Alex : Brooke, I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Brooke : He was giving you a chance to show the world that you are more than just another stupid, washed-up actress, but you proved that that's exactly what you are. Nice work. Oh, no. I'll be taking this. We at least need your body in shape since it's all you've got going for you. AT MOUTH'S OFFICE Millicent : Why didn't you tell me they took you off the air? Mouth : When did I have a chance... last night when you were with Alex or this afternoon when you ran off to be with Alex? Millicent : I'm sorry, Marvin. I'm here now. Do you want to talk about it? Mouth : Not really. I, uh, saw your photos from last night. You looked beautiful. Brooke thinks you should be a model. Millicent : What do you think? Mouth : I think you've worked for five years to get where you are. Millicent : But it's something new and different. Mouth : I didn't know you wanted new and different. Millicent : Neither did I. Mouth : But it's just you always said that, you know, dealing with models was the worst part of your job. Millicent : But that doesn't mean I'd be like them. Mouth : You mean like partying all night and showing up late for work? How does that make you any different? Millicent : I see you've given this a lot of thought. Mouth : I just don't think it's who you are. Millicent : And did you decide that all by yourself down here in the basement? AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM Alex : Your boyfriend works in a sewer? Millicent : What? I said, "basement." And that wasn't even the point of my story! Alex : Whatever. Let's do this. And make sure you tell me when we're buzzed. I love that part. Mm.mm. Millicent : Brooke wants me to be a model. Alex : Right, which would be awesome. Millicent : And Marvin wasn't excited. Alex : First of all... his name is Marvin. And second of all, he works in a sewer. Ugh! I mean, who cares what he thinks? I am tired of people thinking things. What do you think? Millicent : I don't know. It might be fun. Alex : Then do it. Millicent : What if I don't like it? Alex : Then quit. I mean, that's what I'd do. But don't ask me. I'm stupid. Just ask Brooke. Millicent : I'm sure she doesn't think that. Alex : Mm. She does. She came over earlier, told me I was stupid, and then stole my cheesecake, but the joke's on her because I just ordered another one. Look who's stupid now, Brooke. Millicent : I doubt she meant it. Alex : And I don't really care what Brooke thinks. I care about Julian. He was the one who believed in my script. Millicent : Okay. We're buzzed. Alex : I love it! You know, I could really use a lime. And I want the tequila, so we're even. Millicent : So, show Julian you aren't stupid. Make him see you in a new light, like the way you made people see me as a model. Alex : You are a model, bitch. Millicent : And you're not stupid, bitch. Now go show Julian that. Alex : Thanks. Will you help me pick out a nerdy outfit? Just pretend I'm you. Millicent : Uh-oh. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Quinn : Haley's at the piano. Haley : I'm a musician, Quinn. Quinn : Spill it. Haley : Did David ever lie to you about something, like, really important? Quinn : Lying was never really David's style. He's like Nathan in that way. Haley : Why? It's just this... It just scares me is all. If you and David can split up and you loved each other so much, how are Nathan and I ever gonna make it? Quinn : Because you're not us, Hales. I mean, I see the way you two act. You're like best friends who are in love. You know, you and Nathan still do the little things for each other, and David and I stopped doing those things a long time ago. You know, we stopped being kind to each other. And we stopped being captivated by each other. And when we stopped doing the little things, we stopped doing the big things, too, you know, like saying, "I love you." Haley : But David is saying that now. Doesn't that count for anything? Quinn : It does. And, in a way, I'm... I'm always gonna love David. But it's been over for a long time, and I think he's now realizing that. You and Nathan are gonna be just fine. Haley : Yeah. I hope so. I just hate that it has to be so hard. Quinn : I know. But we can handle it. We're James girls. Mm. Bring it in. I love you. AT TRIC Nathan : Is this the support group for husbands of James girls? I'll have a double of whatever he's having. Chase : A double water. You know, we do have drinks here, guys. Water it is. Nathan : That's probably a smart move. David : I wouldn't know. I haven't made a smart move in years. Nathan : Haley got arrested this morning. She hit a girl last night who claims I got her pregnant. David : Did you? Nathan : No. But it doesn't seem to matter. I think Haley's starting to doubt me, and to be honest, I don't blame her. At this point... I'd doubt me, too, if I was her. David : Did Quinn come home last night? So, that's it, right? It's over. Nathan : You know, when Haley went on tour, we split up. I thought it was over. No matter what I tried, I could not get her back. So, as much as it killed me, I let her go. But I never gave up hope. David : Did Haley sleep with someone? Nathan : Well, there was a guy. David : Did she sleep with him? Nathan : No. David : Yeah. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Alex : I changed the sx scene. Now the girl makes an ass of herself and the guy leaves. Julian : That's more realistic. Alex : I... I know you're upset with me, but that's just what I do. I am the girl who takes off her clothes and sleeps with guys. Julian : Yeah. Well, I'm not one of those guys. Alex : I know. You're the first guy to ever notice me for something other than getting photographed with no underwear or videotaping threesomes. Julian : We've all been there. Alex : I just want you to know how sorry I am. You gave me the chance to prove to you I wasn't just some washed-up actress and, instead, I showed you that I was. Julian : You showed me a lot more than that, Alex. Look, I just think we don't work very well together. We have very different styles. Alex : Okay, but if you would just give me one more chance, I promise I wouldn't let you down. If not, thanks for a really great day, until I screwed it up. IN THE RIVER Clay : Hey. You look good. I came up with a list of questions they're probably gonna ask. You and Haley should be ready. Nathan : Haley's not coming. Clay : Nate, that is not a good idea, man. You going out there by yourself will not look good. Nathan : You know what else doesn't look good? You and Quinn. Clay : What's that supposed to mean? Nathan : It means I need your head in the game and not up Quinn's skirt. What part of sleeping with her did you think was a good idea? She's married, Clay, to a guy I really like. Clay : Nothing happened last night, Nate. Nathan : Right, so you... what? You took her back to your place so you guys could talk? Clay : As a matter of fact, yes. I was actually helping her out. I would have thought you of all people would understand about jumping to conclusions. Whatever. I'm ... I'm sorry. You need to be focused. Let's, uh... let's just do this, okay? Nathan : Clay... if I could distance myself from this woman, I would, but I can't. Now, you can. Quinn is Haley's sister. She has a lot going on right now. Stay away from her, okay? Clay : Whatever you say. Nathan : Hey. What are you ... what are you doing here? Haley : We face things together, remember? Nathan : Thank you. I didn't know if I could do this without you. Haley : You don't ever have to worry about that. Nathan : Thank you for coming. I'm here to set the record straight. First of all, I just want to say that I love my wife and my son. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : You want to tell me what this was doing in the trash? Jamie : I don't like the po-po. Haley : Sweetie, they were just doing their job. Mommy made a mistake, and they needed to talk to me about it. Just keep the toy, baby. Jamie : Are you and dad gonna leave each other like Aunt Quinn and uncle David? Haley : Hey. Come here. Of course not. Your daddy and I love each other very much. But Aunt Quinn and Uncle David loved each other, too, then they stopped. Listen. What your dad and I have is very special, and I promise you we are not gonna stop loving each other. Don't forget that. Good night. Jamie : Can you stay a little bit longer? Haley : Sure, sweetie. Nathan : I would never do anything to hurt the people that I care about. IN THE PLAN Mia : Are you sure we won't get in trouble for this? Chase : Relax. I do this all the time. Mia : You know, I thought I'd be afraid of flying with you, but I'm actually kind of turned on. You got 30 seconds to join the mile-high club, captain? Chase : Flying isn't the only thing I've been practicing. I'm up to a couple minutes now. Mia : Oh, yeah? Nathan : I know some of you are looking at me in a different light, but I urge you to see me for who I am. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Millicent : I'll do it. I'll model for you. Brooke : Ah ! Nathan : I've always prided myself on being an honest man and taking responsibility for my actions. AT MOUTH'S OFFICE Man : All right, Bobcat fans, coming up, local sports star Nathan Scott speaks out regarding recent allegations against him...And as well as some early NFL news for you fantasy-football junkies. CEO : You know, it must be hard to log tapes from here, huh, Marvin? Nathan : I'm someone that you can depend on. And I'm someone that can be trusted. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : Honey, I'm home. Let's do this. Alex : I told you it was realistic. Julian : Um, hey, honey. Alex and I worked everything out. Alex : Isn't that great? Nathan : I want everyone to know the truth, and the truth is that I was never with that woman. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Clay : Hey, man. Nathan : Hey, do you know where Quinn is? Clay : No. Sorry. I haven't seen her. Quinn : Thanks for letting me stay here. I know it puts you in a bad position. There's just a lot of drama at Nathan and Haley's. Clay : It's fine. You can stay here as long as you want. Quinn : So, what would people say if they knew that you had a girl over you weren't actually sleeping with? Clay : Nobody would believe it. Haley : I just want to say that I believe my husband and I stand by him 100%. Renee message : You've reached Renee. Leave a message. Nathan : I'll do whatever it takes to prove that these allegations are false. Hopefully now this can all go away and my family can be left alone. Thank you. AT THE TV BROADCAST Dan : I trust you had a nice flight. I have a proposition for you.	Plan: A: Nathan's growing scandal; Q: What is Haley thrust into the spotlight of? A: Nathan; Q: Who is Haley thrust into the spotlight and storm of? A: her better judgment; Q: Against what does Brooke allow Julian to continue working with Alex? A: Brooke; Q: Who allows Julian to continue working with Alex? A: Millicent; Q: Who gets a new job? A: Mouth; Q: Who might Millicent's new job cause trouble for? A: Clay; Q: What character and Quinn grow closer? A: Hank Williams; Q: Who wrote the song that inspired the episode? Summary: Haley is thrust into the spotlight and storm of Nathan's growing scandal. Against her better judgment, Brooke allows Julian to continue working with Alex. Millicent gets a new job, which may cause trouble for Mouth. Meanwhile, Clay and Quinn grow closer. This episode is named after a song by Hank Williams .
Credit: the-walking-dead.hypnoweb.net Survival Camp Lori and Amy sort out mushrooms that they have collected. Lori: Any luck? Amy: How do we tell if they're poison? Lori: Uh, there's only one sure way I know of. Amy: Ask Shane when he gets back? Lori: Yeah, you've got it. Thank you. She gets up. Lori: Dale, I'm heading out. Sweetheart, I want you to stay where Dale can see you, okay? Carl: Yes, mom. Dale: You too. Don't wander too far. Stay within shouting distance. And if you see anything, holler. I'll come running. Lori: Yes, mom. She goes into the woods to pick some more food for the camp. Woods While she is in the woods, leaves rustle. Bird wings flap, branch snaps. She starts to think that someone is following her. She worries that it is one of the Walkers and starts to look around. Suddenly, a hand reaches around her mouth and she is dragged back. Shane: Shh shh shh shh shh shh shh. Lori: You scared the hell out of me. Lori laughs at him. Shane: I bet. That's what you get for keeping me waiting. I was trying to be quiet. Where you been? Lori: Amy the mushroom queen... I had to wait for her to get back. They start kissing. Shane: How much time do we have? Lori: Enough. The two are in the moment and proceed to make love. While undressing, they see Lori still has Rick's ring around her neck on a necklace. She takes it off and holds onto it in the grass while they proceed. Shane: Come here. Lori: Okay. OPENING CREDITS Tank In Atlanta, Rick is still sitting in the tank when the voice is heard on the radio again. Man on radio: Hey, are you alive in there? Rick: Hello? Hello? Man on radio: There you are. You had me wondering. Rick: Where are you? Outside? Can you see me right now? Man on radio: Yeah, I can see you. You're surrounded by walkers. That's the bad news. Rick: There's good news? Man on radio: No. Rick: Listen, whoever you are, I don't mind telling you I'm a little concerned in here. Man on radio: Oh man. You should see it from over here. You'd be having a major freak-out. Rick: Got any advice for me? Man on radio: Yeah, I'd say make a run for it. Rick: That's it? "Make a run for it"? Man on radio: My way's not as dumb as it sounds. You've got eyes on the outside here. There's one geek still up on the tank but the others have climbed down and joined the feeding frenzy where the horse went down. With me so far? Rick: So far. Man on radio: Okay, the street on the other side of the tank is less crowded. If you move now while they're distracted, you stand a chance. Got ammo? Rick: In that duffel bag I dropped out there, and guns. Can I get to it? Man on radio: Forget the bag, okay? It's not an option. What do you have on you? Rick: Hang on. Rick has the Beretta 92FS that he took off of the Soldier, but it only has one clip. He also finds a grenade, but he clips it onto his belt and doesn't tell the man about it. Rick: Yeah. Yeah. I've got a Beretta with one clip, 15 rounds. Man on radio: Make 'em count. Jump off the right side of the tank, keep going in that direction. There's an alley up the street, maybe 50 yards. Be there. Rick: Hey, what's your name? Man on radio: Have you been listening? You're running out of time. Rick: Right. Rick makes his break after grabbing a metal shard in the tank. He opens the top and whacks the Walker on the tank with the metal shard, slicing its face wide open. Street He runs down the street, firing at any Walker in his way, killing 8 of them. He comes across the man whose been talking to him. Man on radio: Whoa! Not dead! Come on! Come on! Back here! Come on! Come on! The two proceed to run down the alley and start climbing up a ladder. Man on radio: What are you doing?! Come on! Rick climbs up the ladder. Man on radio: Come on, get up. Both pant. Man on radio: Nice moves there, Clint Eastwood. You the new sheriff come riding in to clean up the town? Glenn says that he hopes that Rick would do the same for him one day. Rick: It wasn't my intention. Man on radio: Yeah, whatever. Yeehaw. You're still a dumbass. Rick: Rick. Thanks. Man on radio: Glenn. You're welcome. Oh no. The bright side: It'll be the fall that kills us. I'm a glass-half-full kind of guy. The two climb up the ladder that leads to the top of a store that Glenn is camping out at. Roof Rick: Are you the one that barricaded the alley? Glenn: Somebody did... I guess when the city got overrun. Whoever did it was thinking not many geeks would get through. Rick: Back at the tank, why'd you stick your neck out for me? Glenn: Call it foolish, naive hope that if I'm ever that far up sh1t creek, somebody might do the same for me. Guess I'm an even bigger dumbass than you. Glenn takes another ladder and goes down, following by Rick. It leads to the building. Outside Glenn takes out a walkie-talkie. Glenn: I'm back. Got a guest plus four geeks in the alley. The two go down another staircase to a door where two Walkers appear. Two men, Morales and T-Dog, come out with protective gear and baseball bats. They each go after one of the Walkers and bash their brains in. Glenn: Let's go! Rick and Glenn make their way into the store. T-Dog: Morales, let's go! T-Dog and Morales follow after they finish the Walkers. Building They get inside where two more survivors, Jacqui and Andrea are also taking cover. Rick immediately has a gun pointed in his face by Andrea. Andrea: You son of a bitch. We ought to kill you. Morales: Just chill out, Andrea. Back off. Jacqui: Come on, ease up. Andrea: Ease up? You're kidding me, right? We're dead because of this stupid asshole. Morales: Andrea, I said back the hell off. Well, pull the trigger. Andrea: We're dead... All of us... Because of you. Rick: I don't understand. Morales: Look, we came into the city to scavenge supplies. You know what the key to scavenging is? Surviving! You know the key to surviving? Sneaking in and out, tiptoeing. Not shooting up the streets like it's the O.K. Corral. T-Dog: Every geek for miles around heard you popping off rounds. Andrea: You just rang the dinner bell. Morales: Get the picture now? They see the zombies growling and trying to get into the store. A few Walkers is attempting to smash through the double set of doors to get to them. Andrea: Oh God. What the hell were you doing out there anyway? Rick: Trying to flag the helicopter. T-Dog: Helicopter? Man, that's crap. Ain't no damn helicopter. Jacqui: You were chasing a hallucination, imagining things. It happens. Rick: I saw it. Morales: Hey, T-Dog, try that C.B. Can you contact the others? Rick: Others? The refugee center? Jacqui: Yeah, the refugee center. They've got biscuits waiting at the oven for us. T-Dog tries to get in contact with some other survivors but get no signal. T-Dog: Got no signal. Maybe the roof. Above, on the roof, they hear a gun firing. Andrea: Oh no. Is that Dixon? Morales: What is that maniac doing? Glenn: Come on, let's go. The group runs up to the roof. Roof Merle Dixon is shooting at several of the Walkers on the street below with a sniper rifle, killing some of them. T-Dog: Hey, Dixon, are you crazy?! Dixon laughs and continues shooting. Andrea: Oh jeez. Merle: Hey! Y'all be more polite to a man with a gun! Huh? Ah! Only common sense. T-Dog: Man, you wasting bullets we ain't even got! Merle continues laughing. T-Dog: And you're bringing even more of them down on our ass! Man, just chill. Merle: Hey! Bad enough I've got this taco-bender on my ass all day. Now I'm gonna take orders from you? I don't think so, bro. That'll be the day. T-Dog: "That'll be the day"? You got something you want to tell me? Morales: Hey, T-Dog man, just leave it. T-Dog: No. Morales: All right? It ain't worth it. Now Merle, just relax, okay? We've got enough trouble. Merle: You want to know the day? T-Dog: Yeah. Merle: I'll tell you the day, Mr. "Yo." It's the day I take orders from a nigger. T-Dog: Mother... Merle and T-Dog start to fight. Morales: Hey, come on, Merle. That's enough. Andrea: Come on. Dixon! Morales: Whoa, cut it out, man! Andrea: Stop it! Dixon, get off him! Dixon, you're gonna hurt him. Morales: Merle, cut it out! Merle is beating T-Dog to a pulp and then holds a pistol on him. Andrea: No no no, please. Please. Everybody waits to see what Dixon is gonna do. Merle: Yeah! All right! We're gonna have ourselves a little powwow, huh? Talk about who's in charge. I vote me. Anybody else? Huh? Democracy time, y'all. Show of hands, huh? All in favor? Huh? Come on. Let's see 'em. Oh, come on. All in favor? Yeah. That's good. Now that means I'm the boss, right? Yeah. Anybody else? Hmm? Anybody? Rick: Yeah. At this time, Rick hits Merle over the head with a pipe. He proceeds to handcuff Merle to a pipe. Merle: Who the hell are you, man?! Rick: Officer friendly. Look here, Merle. Things are different now. There are no niggers anymore. No dumb-as-shit, inbred white-trash fools either. Only dark meat and white meat. There's us and the dead. We survive this by pulling together, not apart. Merle: Screw you, man. Rick: I can see you make a habit of missing the point. Merle: Yeah? Well, screw you twice. Rick: Ought to be polite to a man with a gun. Rick cocks his gun. Rick: Only common sense. Merle: You wouldn't. You're a cop. Rick: All I am anymore is a man looking for his wife and son. Anybody that gets in the way of that is gonna lose. I'll give you a moment to think about that. Got some on your nose there. Merle: What are you gonna do? Arrest me? Dixon laughs. Merle: Hey! What are you doing? Man, that was my stuff! Hey! If I get loose, you'd better pray... Yeah, you hear me, you pig?! You hear me?! Rick: Yeah, your voice carries. Merle: Do you hear me, you filthy pig?! Morales: You're not Atlanta P.D. Where you from? Rick: Up the road a ways. Morales: Well, officer friendly from up the road a ways, welcome to the big city. Roof Later, they're still watching the Walkers in the street. Andrea: My God, it's like Times Square down there. Morales: How's that signal? T-Dog: Like Dixon's brain... Weak. Morales: Keep trying. Andrea: Why? There's nothing they can do. Not a damn thing. Morales: Got some people outside the city is all. There's no refugee center. That's a pipe dream. Rick: Then she's right. We're on our own. It's up to us to find a way out. Merle: Good luck with that. These streets ain't safe in this part of town from what I hear. Ain't that right, sugar tits? Hey, honeybunch, what say you get me out of these cuffs, we go off somewhere and bump some uglies? Gonna die anyway. Andrea: I'd rather. Merle: Rub muncher. I figured as much. Morales: The streets ain't safe. Now there's an understatement. Rick: What about under the streets? The sewers? Morales: Oh man. Hey, Glenn, check the alley. You see any manhole covers? Glenn checks but sees only some Walkers. Glenn: No, must be all out on the street where the geeks are. Jacqui: Maybe not. Old building like this built in the '20s... Big structures often had drainage tunnels into the sewers in case of flooding down in the subbasements. Glenn: How do you know that? Jacqui: It's my job... was. I worked in the city zoning office. Building The group heads down to the basement and reach a sewer entrance. Morales: This is it? Are you sure? Glenn: I really scoped this place out the other times I was here. It's the only thing in the building that goes down. But I've never gone down it. Who'd want to, right? Everybody look at him. Glenn: Oh. Great. Andrea: We'll be right behind you. Glenn: No, you won't. Not you. Andrea: Why not me? Think I can't? Glenn: I wasn't... Rick: Speak your mind. Glenn: Look, until now I always came here by myself... In and out, grab a few things... No problem. The first time I bring a group... Everything goes to hell. No offense. If you want me to go down this gnarly hole, fine... But only if we do it my way. It's tight down there. If I run into something and have to get out quick, I don't want you all jammed up behind me getting me killed. I'll take one person... Not you either. You've got Merle's gun and I've seen you shoot. I'd feel better if you were out in that store watching those doors, covering our ass. And you've got the only other gun, so you should go with him. You be my wingman. Jacqui stays here. Something happens, yell down to us, get us back up here in a hurry. Jacqui: Okay. Rick: Okay, everybody knows their jobs. Glenn leads down the ladder, followed by Morales. The others leave. [SCENE_BREAK] Sewers Glenn and Morales walk. A rat squeals and Glenn makes a noise. Store While Walkers are banging and growling, Rick approaches Andrea. Andrea: Sorry for the gun in your face. Rick: People do things when they're afraid. Andrea: Not that it was entirely unjustified. You did get us into this. Rick: If I get us out, would that make up for it? Andrea: No, but it'd be a start. Rick: Next time though, take the safety off. It won't shoot otherwise. Andrea: Oh. Rick: Is that your gun? Andrea: It was a gift. Why? Rick: Little red dot means it's ready to fire. He shows her and hands her back the gun. Rick: You may have occasion to use it. Andrea: Good to know. Roof T-Dog: Anybody out there? Hello? Anybody read? I'm hoping to hear somebody's voice 'cause I'm getting sick and tired of hearing mine. Merle: Yeah, well, that makes two of us. Why don't you knock that crap off? You're giving me a headache, boy. T-Dog: Why don't you pull your head out of your ass? Maybe your headache will go away. Merle chuckles. T-Dog: Try some positivity for a change. Damn. Merle: I'll tell you what... You get me out of these cuffs and I'll be all "Sammy Sunshine" positive for you. Hey, see that hacksaw over there in that toolbag? Get it for me, hmm? Make it worth your while. What do you say, man? Come on. Get me out of these things. T-Dog: So you can beat my ass again? Or call me nigger some more? Merle: Come on now. It wasn't personal. It's just that your kind and my kind ain't meant to mix. That's all. It doesn't mean we can't... Work together, parley, as long as there's some kind of mutual gain involved. So... about that hacksaw... T-Dog: I guess you want me to get that rifle over there too so you can shoot that cop when he comes back up, huh? Merle: Huh. Sewers In the sewers, Glenn and Morales continue to look for a way out through the sewers. They reach a grate and wonder if they can break through. Morales: Yeah, we've got ourselves a sewer tunnel. Jacqui was right. Glenn: Can we cut through it? Morales: If we had a blowtorch and half a day, sure. Dale's hacksaw sure as hell won't do it. A Walker appears at the grate eating a rat. Glenn and Morales jump back as the Walker tries to grab at them. Store Andrea: Oh. Rick spots Andrea looking at some jewelry. He approaches her. Andrea looks at a mermaid necklace on the counter. Rick: See something you like? Andrea: Not me, but I know someone who would... My sister. She's still such a kid in some ways. Unicorns, dragons... She's into all that stuff. But mermaids... They rule. She loves mermaids. Rick: Why not take it? Andrea: There's a cop staring at me. Rick chuckles. Andrea: Would it be considered looting? Rick: I don't think those rules apply anymore. Do you? Glass shatters and Walkers start walking in. Rick moves and is willing to shoot. Glenn and Morales join them. Rick: What did you find down there? Morales: Not a way out. Andrea: We need to find a way... And soon. Roof Rick spots a truck at a construction site that is close to their location. Rick: That construction site, those trucks... They always keep keys on hand. Morales: You'll never make it past the walkers. Rick: You got me out of that tank. Glenn: Yeah, but they were feeding. They were distracted. Rick: Can we distract them again? Merle: Right. Listen to him. He's onto something. A diversion, like on "Hogan's Heroes." Jacqui: God. Give it a rest. Rick: They're drawn by sound, right? Glenn: Right, like dogs. They hear a sound, they come. Rick: What else? Morales: Aside from they hear you? They see you, smell you and if they catch you, they eat you. Rick: They can tell us by smell? Glenn: Can't you? Andrea: They smell dead, we don't. It's pretty distinct. Store Rick gives outfits and accessories to the others. Glenn: If bad ideas were an Olympic event, this would take the gold. Morales: He's right. Just stop, okay? Take some time to think this through. Rick: How much time? They already got through one set of doors, that glass won't hold forever. Outside The group goes outside and drags one of the Walkers they killed into the store. Store Rick grabs a fire axe and the group puts on trench coats so they don't get guts on their good clothes. Rick is prepared to start chopping, but he stops at the last moment. He gets down and searches the Walker. He pulls out a wallet. Rick: Wayne Dunlap. Georgia license. Born in 1979. He had $28 in his pocket when he died... And a picture of a pretty girl. "With love, from Rachel." He used to be like us... Worrying about bills or the rent or the Super Bowl. If I ever find my family, I'm gonna tell them about Wayne. Glenn: One more thing... He was an organ donor. After a moment of silence, Rick starts to hack away at the Walker. The guts really gross everyone out and they start to gag. Morales: Madre de Dios! Andrea: Oh. Morales: Dios! Glenn: Oh God. Rick: Keep chopping. Rick hands the axe to Morales. Glenn groans. Glenn: I am so gonna hurl. Rick: Later. Morales hacks away. Rick: Everybody got gloves? Don't get any on your skin or in your eyes. They apply some guts on Rick and Glenn. Glenn: Oh God! Oh jeez. Oh, this is bad. This is really bad. Rick: Think about something else... Puppies and kittens. Dead puppies and kittens. Glenn vomits. Andrea: That is just evil. What is wrong with you? Jacqui: Next time let the cracker beat his ass. Rick: I'm sorry, yo. Glenn: You suck. Rick: Do we smell like them? Andrea: Oh yeah. Glenn. Just in case. Andrea gives the gun to Glenn. Rick: If we make it back, be ready. T-Dog: What about Merle Dixon? Rick tosses the handcuff key to T-Dog. Rick: Give me the axe. We need... we need more guts. Rick starts to chop again. Outside Rick and Glenn walk outside and walk past two Walkers that are close to them. The Walkers briefly look at them, but the Walkers smell dead on them so they don't bother. Rick and Glenn crawl under a bus and come out on the other side where a huge hoard of Walkers is waiting for them. Rick and Glenn continue to shuffle through the crowd without any Walkers noticing that they are alive. Roof The survival group enters and looks down at the Walkers, Glenn and Rick. Merle: Hey, what's happening, man? Morales: Hey, T-Dog, try that C.B. Merle: Hey, come on. Talk to me, y'all. T-Dog: Base camp, this is T-Dog. Anybody hear me? Can anybody out there hear me? Morales notices Glenn and Rick. Morales: There. Thunder rumbles. Merle: That asshole is out on the street with the handcuff keys? T-Dog shows him the key he has. Survival Camp Dale is fixing up the mobile home. Dale: Boy, that hose isn't long for this world, is it? Jim: No sir. Dale: Where the hell are we gonna find a replacement? Amy: It's late. They should've been back by now. Dale: Worrying won't make it better. Shane is playing with Carl, while Lori stares at them. Shane: Attaboy. Carl: Yeah. Shane: And three, two, one... pull it. Carl: Ah! Aw. Both laugh. Shane: Start it over. Make your "p" the other way... around your finger. Carl: Oops. Shane: Good, just tie it like around your finger. Attaboy. Radio squawks. T-Dog: Hello, base camp! Can anybody out there hear me? Base camp, this is T-Dog. Anybody hear me? Dale takes the radio. Dale: Hello? Hello? Reception's bad on this end. Repeat. Repeat. T-Dog: Shane, is that you? Lori: Is that them? T-Dog: We're in some deep sh1t. We're trapped in the department store. Shane: He said they're trapped? T-Dog: There are geeks all over the place. Hundreds of 'em. We're surrounded. Dale: T-Dog, repeat that last. Repeat. Radio stops. Lori: He said the department store. Dale: I heard it too. Lori: Shane? Shane: No way. We do not go after them. We do not risk the rest of the group. Y'all know that. Amy: So we're just gonna leave her there? Shane: Look, Amy, I know that this is not easy... Amy: She volunteered to go to help the rest of us. Shane: I know, and she knew the risks, right? See, if she's trapped, she's gone. So we just have to deal with that. There's nothing we can do. Amy: She's my sister, you son of a bitch. Lori looks at Shane and then follows Amy. Thunder rumbles. Lori: Amy... Shane: Come on. It's all right, buddy. Street Glenn and Rick are still walking through several Walkers. Glenn (whispering): It's gonna work. I can't believe it. Rick (whispering): Don't draw attention. While Rick and Glenn continue to shuffle down the street, rain starts to fall on them. Roof Morales and the others are still watching Rick and Glenn. Morales: Oh man. It's just a cloudburst. We get 'em all the time. It'll pass real quick. Street Rick and Glenn try not to panic as they continue to walk at the normal pace. They notice that the rain is starting to wash of the guts. The Walkers are starting to get a whiff of life walking past them and they start to get a little more aggressive towards Rick and Glenn as they try to figure out if they are dead or alive. Glenn: The smell's washing off. Isn't it? Is it washing off? Rick: No, it's not. Well, maybe. However, as more guts wash off, the Walkers realize that they are indeed alive. One of them starts to charge at them and Rick proceeds to crush its skull with the axe. Rick: Run! Rick and Glenn take off down the street with Rick killing 6 more with the axe and Glenn killing 2 with a crowbar he has. Roof Morales: Come on, come on, come on. Street The two throw their weapons over the fence and climb over it before the Walkers are able to get them. While Glenn finds the keys to the truck, Rick pulls Merle's pistol and kills more Walkers with it. Glenn finally finds the keys to the truck and throws them to Rick. Glenn: Rick! They enter the truck as some Walkers start climbing over the fence and running after them. One of them reaches the truck and taps on Glenn's window. Glenn: Go go go go! The two speed away before the walkers catch up. Roof Angela: They're leaving us. Merle: What? What? Morales: Where they going? Where they going? Angela: No no, come back. Truck Glenn: Oh my God. Oh my God. They're all over that place. Rick: You need to draw them away. Those roll-up doors at the front of the store... That area? That's what I need cleared. Raise your friends. Tell them to get down there and be ready. Glenn: And I'm drawing the geeks away how? I... I missed that part. Rick: Noise. Street Rick pulls up next to a red sports car and smashes the window. The car alarm starts to sound and Rick hotwires the car for Glenn. Glenn drives the sports car back towards the store and Rick takes the truck back as well. Glenn: Those roll-up doors at the front of the store facing the street... Meet us there and be ready. Roof The group heads down towards the loading dock to make their escape, whereas Dixon is still handcuffed. Morales: Come on! Let's go, let's go! Merle: Hey, you can't leave me here! I'm not fooling, man! Morales! Hey, man! Don't do this! Angela: Come on. Angela and Jacqui leave the roof. Merle: Hey, that's my gun. You can't leave me. Don't leave me here, you guys. Angela: Morales, come on. Morales: I'm coming! We've gotta go! Morales leaves the roof, while T-Dog is hesitating. Merle: Morales! You can't leave me like this, man! Hey, T-Dog. No, man. You can't leave me, man. You can't leave me here... Not like this. You can't, man. It's not human. Come on, don't do this. T-Dog groans, but decides to free Dixon. Merle: Come on, T. Come on! Come on, yeah! Yeah! Come on! Co... That's it! Yes! Come on, baby! Come on. However, when he runs back towards Merle, he trips. The handcuff key falls out of his hand and ends up dropping down a drain. Store Zombies bangs as Angela and Morales past by. Roof Merle: Son of a bitch! You did that on purpose! T-Dog: I didn't mean to! Merle: You lie! You did it on purpose! T-Dog: It was an accident! Merle: Don't leave me, man! Don't leave me! Don't leave me! You liar! T-Dog: I'm sorry. Man, I'm sorry. Merle: Don't leave me! T-Dog: I'm sorry. He runs from Merle. Merle: Damn you all! Don't leave me, man! Don't leave... don't leave me! In an effort to try and help Merle, he chains the door to the roof shut. Merle: Hey! What are you doing, man? You're gonna rot in hell! You're gonna rot in hell! Come back, man! T-Dog: Wait a minute! Here I come! Don't leave me! Don't leave! Store The rest of the survivors make it to the loading dock. Angela: Okay. Okay. I got it. Morales: Shh. Angela: What is that? Car engine revs. Street Glenn: Come on. Come on. Get closer. Get closer. Come on. Come on. Glenn pulls up to the store in his red sports car and is able to lure most of the Walkers away from the store. Zombies start growling. Store T-Dog joins the rest of the survivors just in time before the Walkers break through the second set of doors and storm the store. Thanks to Glenn, Rick has the chance to pull in with his truck. T-Dog: Hey, wait for me! Walkers enter the store. T-Dog: They're here! Let's go! They're in here! Rick bangs on the door. All: Let's go! Open the door! T-Dog: We've gotta go! Rick picks up Morales, Jacqui, Andrea, and T-Dog. Morales: I'm in! Morales closes the back before the Walkers can get to them and the group makes their escape. Roof Merle is still handcuffed to the pipe on the roof. Merle: Don't leave me! You'll die! Go to hell! Damn you! You're gonna rot in hell! Merle keeps yelling. Truck As they drive away, everyone notices Dixon is missing. T-Dog: I dropped the damn key. Realizing there is nothing that they can do, the group drives away from Atlanta. Andrea notices Glenn isn't around. Angela: Where's Glenn? Highway Down the highway that Rick entered Atlanta in, the car alarm still ringing as Glenn speeds down the highway in the red sports car. He is listening to music and screaming at the rush of driving down the road this fast. Glenn: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah-hoo-hoo! Glenn is driving down the road.	Plan: A: Rick; Q: Who is ambushed by a walker horde? A: scavenger survivor Glenn; Q: Who rescued Rick from the walker horde? A: Merle; Q: Who is handcuffed to the roof to stop him attracting walkers? A: Rick's gun bag; Q: What did the survivors have to leave behind? A: the unhinged Merle; Q: What do the survivors abandon as walkers surround them? A: the city; Q: Where do the survivors escape to? Summary: Rick is ambushed by a walker horde but is rescued by scavenger survivor Glenn when he becomes trapped inside a tank. They meet up with the rest of the survivors where they have to leave Merle handcuffed to the roof to stop him attracting walkers. They are forced to leave Rick's gun bag behind as well as abandon the unhinged Merle as walkers surround them, but manage to escape the city.
Scene 1: Alcide's house - Sookie, Alcide, Bill, Lorena Sookie: Don't take it personally. The Were you were fighting had vampire blood in him. Bill's, in fact, so I know it's strong. Alcide: Werewolves doing V? Goes against everything we stand for. The rest of the pack into that sh1t? Sookie: The ones who took Bill, at least. Alcide: Like I need more reasons to hate them. Ow! Sookie: Sorry. Is Debbie your ex-girlfriend? Alcide: She's my fiancée. She moved out a month ago. Sookie: A month? And you still haven't got new furniture? Alcide: I don't have time for it. Sookie: You ever hear from her? Alcide: My sister, Janice, does. She runs a beauty parlor. Debbie still goes in to get her hair done up. Sookie: Almost done. Her phone rings. Sookie: Hello? Hello? Bill? Bill: Yes. Sookie: Are you hurt? I know the werewolves have you. Bill: Nobody has me. I have left my life in Bon Temps. And I am leaving you. Sookie: Shut the fck up. Bill: Sookie. Sookie: The last time I saw you, you asked me to marry you. Bill: You did us both a favor by not saying yes. Sookie: You have to say that. Someone's listening. Bill: Lorena, actually, to whom I have just made love. Lorena: Ca va, Sookie? Bill: We fcked like only two vampires can. I didn't hold back for fear of hurting her like I do with you. Sookie: Bill. Bill: Look at your life since I entered it. I've only caused you pain. Sookie: That's not true. Bill: I am death. I will bring you only suffering. Our worlds are too different. Our natures too. We were doomed from the start. Sookie: I don't believe you. Bill: Believe what you want. You are no longer of concern to me. Do not try to find me. I do not wish to be found. He hangs up. Credit Sookie: What does he mean, he doesn't wanna be found? Alcide: I'm pretty sure it means he doesn't wanna see you anymore. Sookie: That isn't what he said. Alcide: Well, what do you think he said? Sookie: I don't know what he said. I just know that isn't the man I love. Alcide: Well, maybe the man you love never existed except in your head. Sookie: Is that supposed to be making me feel better? Alcide: No matter how well you think you know somebody, they can still turn around and kick you right in the nut sac. Sookie: I don't have a nut sac, and Bill... he's risked everything for me. Our love is way bigger than him breaking up with me over the phone. Alcide: How many relationships you been in? Sookie: What does that matter? Alcide: Well, all I'm saying is there's no nice way of getting out of these things. Come here. Sookie: Oh, my God, you're so warm. Alcide: Sorry. Sookie: It's okay, I'm just not used to it. Alcide: It's a Were thing. We run hot. Sookie: I thought maybe you were coming down with the flu. Alcide: No. You probably want some privacy. Sookie: That's the last thing I want. Alcide: At least let me go put on a shirt. Scene 2: Merlotte's - Sam, Melinda, Joe Lee Sam runs out after Tommy. Sam: Tommy! Get back here, you little sh1t! He finds a truck and his parents in it. Sam: Were you sleeping in my parking lot? Melinda: Oh. We hadn't left yet because, uh, well, we got nowhere to go. We're a little behind in rent. Plus, our landlord got foreclosed on. Sam: Oh, so that's why you came here. To eat my food and steal from me. Tommy tried to break into my safe. Melinda: sh1t. Sometimes I think that boy's cheese done slid right off his cracker. He does desperate things when we fall on hard times. Sam: When you fall? How often does this happen? Melinda: Well... Sam: Wait, I don't wanna know. This is not my fcking problem. Melinda: I know it ain't. Just please don't take it out on Tommy. Joe Lee: Tommy? Tom. What happened now? Melinda: No, no. No one's hurt. Sam caught Tommy stealing. Joe Lee: Oh, that boy makes my ass itch. Melinda: I ain't asking for your sympathy. Sam: I can't have you living in my parking lot. Melinda: No, we'll be gone the second he gets back. He's just off somewhere being himself up. Won't be long. Sam: It better not be. Scene 3: Sookie's house - Tara, Franklin Franklin: Tell me everything you know about Bill and Sookie. Tara: She says it was love at first sight. Franklin: You don't believe that? Tara: In love? Hell, no. People just get what they want and leave. Franklin: And what does Sookie want? Tara: Quiet. Being a telepath gets real noisy, and she can't hear Bill. Franklin: Her brother, is he a telepath too? Tara: Jason barely knows what he's thinking, let alone anyone else. Franklin: If you keep smiling like that, I'm gonna get jealous. Tara: I thought I loved him for a long time but he never loved me back. Franklin: Then he is an idiot. Where is Sookie now? Tara: Jackson, Mississippi. Franklin: Where in Jackson? Tara: I don't know. Franklin: Find out. Sookie is on the bed. Her phone rings. Sookie: Hi, Tara. Tara: Sookie, you sound awful. Sookie: Bill... broke up with me. Tara: Oh, my God. What an asshole. Tell me where you are. I'm coming to get you. Sookie: No, I just need to cry my eyes out for about a week. Tara: What you need is your best friend, right now. Give me your address. Sookie: After all you've been through? I don't want you getting mixed up in my mess. Tara: You'd do it for me. I'm getting in the car right now. Address. Sookie: I'm exhausted. I'll call you tomorrow, I promise. Sookie hangs up. Tara: Sookie. Tara: What do you want from Sookie? Franklin: Oh, you should be more concerned with what I want from you. Tara: Let me go. Franklin: Not gonna happen. Scene 4: Bill's room - Lorena, Bill Lorena: Well. That was the best sx I've had in decades. Bill: At least somebody enjoyed it. Lorena: There was true passion between you and I tonight. Bill: Any passion you felt was me killing my love for Sookie. It had nothing to do with you. It's been a long night, and I need to sleep. Now get the fck out. Lorena: Oh, William. I'm happy. You're with me. And you're not going anywhere. Even if it takes 40 years, I know you will love me again. You can't help but love. Scene 5: Fangtasia - Sookie, Eric, Yvetta Eric appears in front of the window of Alcide's room. Sookie: Cheese and rice.You scared me half to death. What the hell are you doing out there? Eric: Waiting for you to invite me in. Sookie: Can all vampires fly? Eric: Can all humans sing? Sookie: Are you kidding? Couldn't carry a tune in a bucket with a lid on it. Come on in. Eric: So, um, how goes the search? Sookie: Turns out, he's not who I was looking for. You smell like the ocean in winter. How is that possible? Bill doesn't smell like anything. Eric: That's not possible. Sookie: You played by the North Sea as a child. Eric: Yes. How did you know? Sookie: I'm smelling your memories. Eric: Not even you can do that. Sookie: Oh. I got skills you can't even dream of, cowboy. You want more? Eric: Huh? It was just a dream. Eric is at Fangtasia and Yvetta is dancing for him. Yvetta: You want more? Or I boring you? Eric: That'll be all. Scene 5: Alcide's kitchen - Sookie, Alcide Radio: The Vampire Rights Amendment's impending passing has left many up in arms, but perhaps none so much... Alcide: What time you wanna head back to Bon Temps? Since you're not looking for that asshole anymore. Sookie: Oh, I still plan on finding him. Alcide: Okay, doormat. Sookie: I'm not a doormat. I just want him to say it to my face. Alcide: What, he didn't hurt you enough? Sookie: I think he's in trouble. Maybe I'm wrong, but if he can look me in the eye and tell me it's over, then I'll leave him here to rot. Alcide: You looking for closure? Just let it go, move on. Sookie: Says the man cooking breakfast in a wok because he's too sad to buy a new frying pan. I need more information. Take me to that engagement party tonight. Alcide: No fcking way. I paid my debt to Eric Northman. Sookie: I know you're still hurting over Debbie. Seeing her with those creeps might help you get over her. Alcide: Are you insane? Either one of us showing up after last night is just asking to get our asses kicked. You go if you gotta. Don't put your sh1t on me. Scene 6: Lafayette in his car - Lafayette He speaks on the phone. Lafayette: Ring, ring, hooker. Ring, ring. Now, I know you holing up at Sookie's, but long story short, I gots me a six-figure bucket seat cradling my black ass right the fck now. And you got yourself my old ride. That's right, Buddha done did us a 180, he did. Now, why don't you calls a mtherfcker back, please? He hangs up. sh1t. Scene 7: Sookie's house - Tara Tara is tied on the bathroom chair. She sees she has a voicemail but can't reach her phone. Scene 8: Alcide's house - Sookie, Janice Sookie: You must be Janice. Janice: And you're Sookie Stackhouse? Thank you, Jesus. I'd have settled for a two-bit hooker to get my brother's mind off that bitch Debbie Pelt, but you are cute and sweet. You're just what he needs. Sookie: Thanks for coming over. Janice: When you called, I was checking my horoscope. Do you know what it said? "Things are looking up for somebody close to you." Nailed it. Sookie: Don't get too excited. Alcide and I are just working together. Janice: You don't look like you work construction to me. Sookie: No. Someone I care about's gone missing, and Alcide has inside information about the folks I think have him. I called you because I need to get into Lou Pine's without standing out. You need to look the part. Janice: Well, that is my specialty. How deep do you wanna go? Sookie: I wanna look like I could kick some serious ass. Which I can. Janice: All right, let's pick out some temporary tattoos. No chance of anything more between you and my baby brother? Sookie: I'm not really looking, and he's still hung up on his ex. Finding out about her engagement party tonight did not help matters. Janice: Yeah, right, engagement party. Sookie: Excuse me? Janice: Oh. No, right. That's right, engagement party. Janice's thoughts: That bitch Debbie's actually getting herself initiated into that nasty pack of freaks. Janice: How did Al find out about it? Sookie: Hollis told him last night at Lou Pine's. Janice's thoughts: fcking Hollis and his big mouth. I'm glad he didn't say nothing about her being hooked on V. Sookie: But if Alcide still loves Debbie don't you think he should go and try to talk her out of it? Janice: No, he should not. My psychic told him if he stayed with her, he would get himself killed. Did he listen? No. She ended up dumping his ass. Sookie: Why'd he stay with her so long? Janice: She was his first love, he never met anybody so alive, all that sh1t. But how many bullets are you gonna take for somebody? How many bad things gotta happen to you and the ones you love before you realize feeling alive ain't enough? I am just glad he made it out alive. Scene 7: Merlotte's - Sam, Arlene, Jason, Hoyt, Andy, Bud, Kitch, Tammy, Kenya, Kevin Jason: Oh. Arlene, what's happening, baby? I'm just trying to buy my crew here a round after a long day. Arlene: A long day? It's lunch, okay? And I'm the only waitress working, as usual. You'll get your beer when you get it. Jason: Where's she takin' it? Man 1: Hey, right here. QB 1 gets the first beer. Jason: I wanna see this. Man 2: Here you go. Man 1: About time. Jason: Who's that cocky little sh1t? Man 1: It was 18 yards deep. It was sick. Hoyt: You're just mad because he's about to break your passing record. He's close. Say he's got the best arm of any kid in Bon Temps since... Well, since you. Jason: What's his name? Hoyt: Kitch Maynard. Kitch: Don't even think about finishing that pitcher. That's QB 1's. fcking winning name. Andy: Get on up here, Bud. Get up here, young man. I'm gonna keep it short. Everything I learned about being a good cop, I learned from you. You always been a hell of a sheriff, Bud, and I'm gonna miss you. Kevin. Kevin: We figured, since you hung up your hat for good, it's time you put on your new dancing shoes. Woman: Put them on now, Bud. Bud: Thank you. They're beautiful. It's been a great honor serving this community. Woman: Yeah, baby! Bud: And it's an even greater honor having served with such fine men. And woman. And it is in that spirit that I announce to you your new acting sheriff... Man: Kitch! Kitch! Bud: Andy Bellefleur. Man: Go, Andy! Congratulations. Men: Kitch! Kitch! Kitch! Andy: Thank you. Thank you. Man: That's how you drink a beer. Andy: Ooh, boy. That's a surprise. And a hell of an honor. All I've ever wanted to be was a good cop. Jason: It's Kitch, right? Kitch: Well, around here they call me QB 1. But you probably can't remember that far back, can you, Stackhouse? Jason: What's your name? Woman: Tammy. Jason: Tammy. Phew. You are smoking. You got all them dimples. I'd have made out with you, but unfortunately for you, you're with a disrespectful fucktard... Man: Whoa, whoa. Jason: ... who's causing a ruckus when a fine, upstanding citizen is getting all commemorated. You think you're a rock star, don't you? World at your feet, folks serving you beer underage. Girls sucking your cock whenever you say go. No offense, Tammy. You ain't nothing, boy. You'll find that out soon enough. Kitch: Yeah, well, come end of season, they'll be shouting my name, and they'll forget you ever existed. Man: Yeah. Jason: But 10 years from now, there's gonna be a version of you, 10 years younger, doing the same thing to you. And then who you gonna be? Kitch: What? Jason: Yeah, that's right. You heard me. Hoyt: Touchdown. Kenya: Well, I guess the only way to get a promotion in this town is to drink like a fish, hallucinate farm animals, and kill a black man. Hey, promotion. Heh-heh. Pig! Arlene: Oh, sh1t! Sam: Here, let me help you. Arlene: God, you wanna help me? How about doing your job, boss? Right now I'm a hostess, waitress, bartender, busboy, because everybody you hire comes to work whenever they fcking feel like it or ends up dead. And I've got enough on my plate without... Sam: I'll get someone else in here soon enough, okay? Arlene: You have got to start looking out for your own, Sam. Scène 8 : Alcide's house - Sookie, Alcide Alcide: Sookie. Sookie: In here. Alcide: Wow. I guess my sister took to you. Sookie: Debbie's getting initiated into Coot's pack, and she's addicted to V. Alcide: Shut the fcking door. Debbie's a bloodhead? How'd you find out? Sookie: I was poking around in Janice's brain. She didn't tell you because she's trying to protect you. Alcide: Why don't you let her? Sookie: Because I know you care about Debbie. No matter what she did to you. I figured you'd wanna know if she were in danger. Alcide: She's gonna let those fcking mongrels brand her. V's the only reason. It's gotta be. Sookie: Of course it is. Maybe it's not too late for you to get through to her. Stop her from ruining her life. Alcide: fck! Sookie: That mean you're coming with me? I probably won't get in otherwise. Alcide: Fine. We're gonna have to go in separate, though. You might be able to fool some with that get up. They're just gonna beat the sh1t out of me, again. Scene 9: Russel's house - Russell, Bill Russell: How long did you work for Sophie Anne? Bill: Thirty-five years. Russell: As? Bill: I was a procurer. Russell: Were you any good? Bill: I received no complaints. Russell: And then you started sampling the local flavor in Bon Temps. Bill: No. I was on sabbatical. Russell: Well, now you're playing coy, William. So which is it you doubt, my intentions or my power? Bill: Can you assure me that you will be able to usurp her territory? Russell: Well, that depends on the quality of your information, now, doesn't it? Bill: No. Russell: I insist. "A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." Rudyard Kipling. No Shakespeare, but less impetuous. And he never stole spoons. Bill: Your Majesty, if I am going to sign my own death warrant I will need something in return. When I have fulfilled my duties, I want Lorena gone. Russell: Gone? Bill: Yes. Russell: It is a punishable offense to kill another vampire. Bill: Not if no one reports it. Russell: Hm. Bill: Eric Northman, the queen's sheriff of Area 5, has been selling vampire blood, and I believe it is at her behest. Russell: If the Magister finds out, he'll put her on trial. He's been itching for another inquisition for centuries. Why on earth would she be so stupid? Bill: The Great Revelation. She's close to losing her fortune now that we're being taxed by the IRS. Russell: Hm. Russell: Tug on the purse strings, you'll find a lady's heart. That's very nice, Bill. Very nice. I feel like celebrating. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 10: Sookie's house - Tara, Franklin Franklin: Missed you. You miss me? Did you miss me? I can't stop thinking about you. Something about you is just so... What's the word? Tara: Aah! mtherfcker. Franklin: Magical. We have so much ahead of us. Scene 11: Merlotte's - Sam, Jessica, Arlene, Terry Sam: When people come in, first thing, count how many of them there are. More than two always gets a table, never the bar. So say there's three. Pull out one, two, three menus and walk them to their table. Jessica: Well, what about the waitressing part? Sam: You gotta be 18 to serve alcohol in Louisiana. Jessica: That is so not fair. I'm never gonna be 18. And I used to be the best server at our church pancake night. Sam: Think you can handle it? Jessica: I'm a vampire, not a fcking idiot. (To the clients) Uh, hi, welcome to Merlotte's. Table 5's available. If you'll just follow me right this way. Arlene: A hostess ain't gonna help me with my workload. And she sure as heck ain't helping herself to my tips. Sam: Calm down. I put an ad in the Pennysaver for another waitress. No one said anything about Jessica getting tips. Arlene: People love giving redheads tips. And I've always been the only redhead at Merlotte's, Sam. You know that. Sorry, Sam. Ah, I get a little emotional when I'm... When I see people taking advantage of you. Sam: What are you talking about? Arlene: Well, you let in every stray, Sam. I mean, first that old dog, and then your folks, and now Jessica. I mean, it's your business. It's not a charity. Sam: I can take care of myself. My folks won't be coming around anymore. Terry: You sure they know that? Because they're grilling in the parking lot. One thing's for sure: we'll never be as bad of parents as they are. Jessica: Well, your server will be right with you, all right? Oh, excuse me. Sorry. Man: Jessica? Jessica Hamby? Jessica: Um... No, you've got me confused, I think. Man: Jessica, it's Chip from Bible study. Jessica: Hi. Oh, my God. Chip: I can't believe you're alive. Your folks are gonna be so happy. My God, it's a miracle. Jessica: Yeah, I guess so. Chip: Oh, praise Jesus. Praise him. Scene 12: Hotshot - Calvin, Crystal, Lafayette, Eric Calvin: You sh1tting me? My little brother just got busted dealing dope. Lafayette: You won't find a better product. Calvin: You a cop? Lafayette: No, sir. Look, I know your boy's a lean, mean selling machine. I'm just here to up your game. Help you step up in the world, clean some sh1t up. Crystal: I'll go grab the Dirt Devil from Felton. Calvin: See if he's hungry too. Crystal: I ain't his mama. Lafayette: What do you say? You feel me? Nothing this hot will cost you this little and earn you so much. Calvin: We're not getting in business with people like you. Lafayette: People like me? Look... Calvin: No, you look, son. Polite's in short supply around here. It's time you get your ass home. Some men are in front of Lafayette's new car. Man: Let's get these tires off. Lafayette: Hey! Hey! Get the fck up out my ride. Man 1: How about no? Lafayette: How about I whup your fcking ass? Man 1: Faggot. Calvin: I told you we ain't so polite around here. Scene 13: Merlotte's - Hoyt, Jessica, Chip Hoyt parks his car. He sees Jessica and Chip outside. Jessica: How'd you end up in Bon Temps tonight? Chip: I was just on my way home back from picketing the baby-killer factory up in Birmingham. Stopped for a bite. Jessica: No. You wanted to stop for a bite but you decided it was too late, so you drove straight home. Chip: It is late. Jessica: Mm-hm. Then you got a little lost on the 165, and that's why you got home a little late and a little hungry. And you never even saw me. Chip: I hate being hungry before bed. Scene 14: Hotshot - Eric, Lafayette, Calvin Man: Take that. Calvin: Get your fcking hands off me, dead man. Eric: Take the deal. Calvin: You'll have to kill me first. Eric: No, I think I'll kill all your brother-cousins first. How does that sound, Lafayette? Lafayette: Oh, that... That sounds good. Eric: Excellent. Calvin: Unh! We'll sell. Aah! Just let me fcking go. Eric: And that's called closing the deal. Let's go, RuPaul. Lafayette: Get the fck up out of here. Scene 15: In the car - Tara, Franklin Tara: What do you want with Sookie and Bill? Franklin: Nothing. My employer's interested in them. Him, mostly. Tara: That where we're going? To your employer? Franklin: "Slappy's Snack Shack, five miles. Persimmons and cherries." If there is one thing that I miss more than sunshine, it is good fruit. Tara: Where are you taking me? Franklin: Here I am trying to make pleasant conversation, and you wanna ruin all my surprises. Tara: There ain't nothing pleasant about being bitten and tied up. Franklin: You're tough. I could taste it in your blood. I'm not a bad guy, Tara. I just wanna make sure that we have a chance. Tara: Untie my hands. I'll give you whatever chance you want. Franklin: Are you like this with your other boyfriends? Tara: This is kidnapping. Franklin: This is opportunity. My job supports my financial needs. My emotional ones. It's just there's so much I wanna tell you. Tara: Then tell me where we're going. Franklin: I've been so lonely. But now you're mine... all that's changed. Scene 16: In the woods - Sam, Tommy Sam: I figured the sooner you left Bon Temps, the happier you'd be. Unless you plan on stealing from me more. Tommy: You don't know sh1t about me. Sam: Well, I know you got a pretty raw deal with your folks. I know you think I got off easy. Tommy: Why'd you even look us up, anyway? Sam: Well, when I was your age... I had no example. And everything I did... sh1t that was worse than stealing, by the way... I did blind. And I survived, but it caught up with me so bad, sometimes I wished I hadn't. Guess I wanted to see how different it could have been. Tommy: And now that you have? Sam: I see that I can't get back what I lost. But you're still young, and you don't have to make the same mistakes. And you could stay with me. I could set you up at the bar. Tommy: You don't get it. My folks are fcked up, but they can't get by without me. Sam: Now, I know it feels like that, but they're not your problem. Tommy: That's all they are. I ditch them tomorrow, they end up in the gutter by the end of next week. You think I can live with that? I won't be free of these people until the day they die. Scene 17: Lafayette's car/Fangtasia - Lafayette, Eric, Pam, Magister Eric: Well, I have to say I'm a little disappointed, Lafayette. I pegged you as a professional, but clearly, you lack the necessary artistry. Lafayette: Bossman, have you seen this face? It ain't nothing but art. Eric: Well, you walk into every situation all flash and fire. You expect them to adapt to you. That's not salesmanship. It's ego. Eric's cell phone rings. Eric: What? Pam: We're being raided. Eric in Swedish: So? Call the American Vampire League, they'll get their lawyers on it. I'm busy. Pam in Swedish: It's not the police... the magister. Eric in Swedish: I'm coming there now. Pam in Swedish: Don't be stupid. Leave while you still can. They're looking for the V, Eric. The Queen set you up. She hangs up. Magister: Come out, come out, wherever you are. Pam: Magister. What a pleasant surprise. Magister: Oh, there's nothing pleasant about this. This is blasphemy. Take her. Lafayette: I know I ain't got no fangs, and I know I can't talk whatever language that is you talk in, but I can move your sh1t. Oh, hell. How am I supposed to deal with this fucked-up-ness? Scene 18: Merlotte's - Andy, Jason Jason: Hey, Andy. I wanna be a cop. A real one. Andy: That's good, Stackhouse. Jason: Yeah. I've been old Jason long enough. Andy: Well, apply yourself like I told you. Someday you might make a good one. Jason: No, I don't think you're hearing me. You see, I'm not doing them fake ride-alongs and filling out forms. I'm thinking there's gotta be an easier way. Andy: Ah, you've been thinking that way your whole life, Stackhouse. Where's it gotten you? Jason: You're gonna make me a cop, and you're gonna make me one now. Andy: Jason, even if I wanted to, I couldn't. There's rules. Jason: There any rules about taking TV interviews and promotions for not shooting a killer dead when I'm the one who's gotta live with doing it? Any rules about that? Andy: I push this, it'll blow up for the both of us. Jason: You know, I read something in all that cop homework about when you make up stories about murderers and crimes. What do they call that again? Andy: Falsifying evidence. Jason: Yeah, falsifying the evidence. Last few days, shooting a known killer, tackling a drug dealer in Hotshot. I'm already the best cop you got, Sheriff Andy Bellefleur. Oh. sh1t. Scene 19: In the woods - Melinda, Sam, Tommy, Joe Lee Melinda: Uh-huh. These dogs plumping up real good. There you are. Joe Lee: Boy, I'll whup you. Sam: Now, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna give you a place to stay for now till you get back on your feet. No more stealing, no more drinking, or the deal's off. Melinda: I think we can manage that. Joe Lee: Don't see why not. Tommy? Think you can fly straight from now on? Supposed to be a joke. Tommy: Maybe I can. Scene 20: Russell's mansion - Talbot, Franklin, Tara Talbot: No. No, no, no, not you. Franklin: Russell's expecting me. Talbot: He's out. He'll be a while. Franklin: We'll wait. Talbot: Is this for me? It's skinny. Scene 21: Lou Pine's - Alcide, Sookie, Debbie, Gus Alcide's thought: It's a private party. Hollis ain't here. We're on our own. Man1: Yeah. Man 2: Yeah. Gus: Shoot it. Sookie: No, thanks. Gus's thoughts: She looks familiar. Did I bang her? Sookie: I mean, fck, yeah! Men: Yeah! Gus: Again. Man: Again. Gus: One more. Third time's the charm. Man: Oh, go, go, go! Go, go, go! Woman: Yeah! Debbie: Who the fck are you? Alcide: She's with me, Debbie. Scene 22: In a car - Russell, Lorena, Bill Russell: In the mood for anything in particular? Lorena: Someone smoky. Not too fatty. Russell: See, I was thinking... ethnic. Lorena: Mm. Russell: You said you were a procurer? Procure. Bill: As you wish. Scene 23: Fangtasia - Pam, Eric, Magister Eric: Let her go! I am who you want. But I have been framed. Magister: "Oh, you've got the wrong man." "My dog ate my homework." "I saw Goody Osburn with the devil." Excuses are one thing I can assure you do not get better with age. Do you deny the blood was being sold in your area? Eric: Not on my orders. Magister: Then on whose? Your queen's? What shall it be, sheriff? Desecration of the blood or treason against your regent? Both among the most dire of crimes. Pam: It was Bill Compton! Eric: It's true. He... He's gone missing. You've seen yourself how easily he betrays our kind for personal gain. I believe he is behind this, and I am gathering evidence to bring him to you. Now let me finish my work. Magister: They say the loss of a child is the deepest of despair. Two days, Mr. Northman, or she dies. A true death. Scene 24: Lou Pine's - Coot, Debbie, Sookie, Alcide Debbie: You thought this knight-on-a-white-horse sh1t would work? With me? Alcide: What have you done to yourself? Debbie: I finally got free of you. And I never been happier in my life. Alcide: I still care about you. You go through with this, the pack will never let you back in. Debbie: I don't need your pussy pack. And I was fcking Coot when I was still with you. Alcide: This isn't about us. Debbie: Like hell. You came here and brought this skank just to make me jealous. Sookie: Skank? Well, coming from you, that's just funny. Alcide: Sookie. Debbie: You did not just say that to me at my own fcking party. Sookie: Alcide came here despite every good reason in the world not to because he believes the woman he fell in love with still lives inside you somewhere. He's willing to risk his life to make sure you hold on to her, even if he doesn't get to. Alcide: It isn't too late. We can get out of here right now. Coot: What the fck is this? Alcide: It's just a conversation, Coot. Coot: Well, she's all done with you, Herveaux. She went and found herself a real wolf. Come on. Let's do this sh1t! Man: Yeah! Debbie: Leave him alone, Coot. Let him stay. Coot: No way in hell. Debbie: He needs to see this. He ain't never gonna let us be baby, till he understands I'm with you for good. Coot: Okay. Men: Yeah. Yeah! Yeah! Sookie: Coot. He's one of the ones who took Bill. Scene 25: In a car - Russell, Lorena Russell: I have an errand to attend to. If I'm not back before Mr. Compton returns with our dinner, you feel free to start without me. Scene 26: Strip club - Bill, Bill is in the strip club. He looks at the ladies. Scene 27: Lou Pine's - Sookie, Alcide, Debbie, Russell Sookie: Who's that? Alcide: Russell Edgington. He's a rich antiques dealer here. People: Yeah! Yeah! Russell in german: Now... shall you drink... the dark wine of our ancestors. Sookie: What's a vampire doing in a wolf den? Alcide: Why are they submitting to this fanger? Sookie: Oh, my God. He supplies them. Alcide: Holy sh1t. Russell: Oh. Not tonight, pumpkin. Otherwise your brand don't last. Tonight... you continue the grand tradition of expanding our pack. My contribution is but a small token of gratitude for our collaboration throughout the ages. Sookie: The ages? Russell: Drink. Man: Yep. Russell: Now I leave you amongst your own to celebrate. Scene 28: Strip Club - Bill, Ann Bill: All yours. Striper: Shy? Bill: Perhaps. Striper: I'll take good care of you. Bill: What's your name? Striper: Destiny. Bill: What is your real name? Striper: Camilla. He glamour her. Bill: What is your name? Striper: Ann. Bill: What does your husband think about your profession? Ann: No husband. Bill: Children? Ann: Never wanted any. World's too fcked up. Bill: And your family? Ann: Told me I wasn't worth nothing. I figured they ain't worth knowing. Bill: Perhaps you're right about that. Ann: No point anyway. Bill: What? Ann: Loving anyone, anything. Feels good at first, but it always turns to crap. I know the truth about life. It's a hell I'll never get out of alive. Bill: No one does. Scene 29: Lou Pine's - Alcide, Sookie, Debbie, Coot Coot: Yeah! Man: Debbie, you dumb bitch. Men: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Alcide: This is so f*cking wrong. Men: Yeah! Sookie: What's happening? Are they all shifting? Alcide: You need to get out of here. Sookie, run. Run! Scene 30: In the car - Lorena, Bill, Russell, Ann Russell: Well, what have we got here? Ann: So, what kind of party we having? Russell: Yeah. Well. Well. Ladies first. Lorena: Why, thank you, Russell. Russell: Please join us. The three vampires feed from Ann.	Plan: A: Bill; Q: Who tells Sookie not to try to find him? A: the werewolf initiation; Q: What event does Alcide and Sookie attend? A: Debbie Pelt; Q: Who is Alcide's former fiancee? A: Russell; Q: Who does Bill reveal that Sophie-Anne is selling vampire blood to? A: league; Q: What is Russell in with the werewolves? A: Sam; Q: Who promises to give his brother Tommy a job at Merlotte's? A: Jessica; Q: Who begins working at Merlotte's? A: Sheriff Bud Dearborne; Q: Who retires and Andy takes his place? A: Jason; Q: Who blackmails Andy into becoming a cop? A: Franklin; Q: Who kidnaps Tara and takes her to Jackson? A: The Magister; Q: Who leads a raid on Fangtasia? A: the crime; Q: What is Bill responsible for? A: Lorena; Q: Who does Russell feed a stripper to? Summary: Bill breaks up with Sookie and tells her not to try to find him. Alcide and Sookie attend the werewolf initiation of his former fiancee, Debbie Pelt , and discover that Russell is in league with the werewolves. Sam promises to give his brother Tommy a job at Merlotte's and his family a new home. Jessica begins working at Merlotte's. Sheriff Bud Dearborne retires and Andy takes his place. Jason blackmails Andy into making him a cop. Franklin kidnaps Tara and takes her to Jackson. Bill reveals to Russell that Sophie-Anne is selling vampire blood. The Magister leads a raid on Fangtasia and finds vials of vampire blood. Eric and Pam tell the Magister that Bill is responsible for the crime. Bill procures a stripper as a meal for Russell and Lorena and, at Russell's command, joins in the feed.
[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, everyone is getting ready to go to a banquet] Joey: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider. (takes a glass from the fridge.) Chandler: Taste it. Joey: (drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge) Yep, it's fat. I drank fat! Chandler: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago. Ross: (entering) Hey! Chandler: Hey, mister tux! Ross: Why aren't you guys dressed? Joey: We have a half hour. Ross: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight. Joey: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed. Ross: Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now. Chandler and Joey: Okay. (they don't move) Rachel: (entering from bathroom) Hey-hey! Oh, look at you, all sexy. Ross: Really. Rachel: Ooooh! Wow!! Oh, hi. Ross: Hi. Rachel: How come you didn't come over earlier? Ross: 'Cause, I'm a stupid, stupid man. Joey: Hey, Ross, want some cider? Ross: No. (to Rachel) So, um, let's see your pretty close, huh. Make-up's on, hair's done. Rachel: Yeah, I just have to get dressed. Ross: Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes. Rachel: Yeah! Once, I figure out what I'm wearing. Joey: Glass of fat? Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross is acting nervous] Joey: What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech? Ross: No! Do you wanna hear it? Joey: Am I in it? Ross: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey. Phoebe: (entering) Hello. Ross: Hey! Joey: Whoa! Ross: Wow, hello! You look great! Phoebe: Thank you! I know, though. Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star. Phoebe: Ohh, well, you're my lucky penny. Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up. Joey: What? Chandler: You're in my seat. Joey: How is this your seat? Chandler: 'Cause I was sitting there. Joey: But then you left. Chandler: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming back. Joey: What's the big deal, sit somewhere else. Chandler: The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat. Joey: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom). Soo... Ross: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So.. Chandler: All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!! Monica: (entering) Hi. All: Hey. Monica: Ooh, Phoebe, you look great! Phoebe: All right all ready. Monica: (to Ross) Ooh, are you gonna do magic? Ross: That's, that's funny. Change! Monica: Hang on a second I just got in. Ross: Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late. Phoebe: We could not, would not want to wait. Ross: Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after it starts. Monica: Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and Chandler look at each other) Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear? Phoebe: I don't know, you might be the first one. Monica: Rach, did you check the machine? Rachel: Uh, no. Wait, you know what, this is the outfit that makes my calves look fat. Nevermind. Chandler: Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called: Get Up. Joey: All right! You can have the chair. Chandler: Really! Joey: Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed fingers) Phoebe: (on machine) "Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this message?" (to the guys) Is that too spooky? Ross: (on machine) "Hi Rach, are you there? It's me, pick up. Rachel. Rach!" Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) What?! Ross: Nevermind. Richard: (on machine) "Monica, it's Richard. Call me." Monica: Is-is-is that message old or new? (yelling) Old or new?! Old or new?! Ross: It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the double beep? Monica: What if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk again, unless we had something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back? Chandler: Honey, you did call him back. 'Cause, it's, it's really old. Ross: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did? Monica: Huh? Ross: I.....got.....dressed. Really, really quickly. Okay, okay. (Rachel starts to follow Monica into her room, but Ross stops her and sends her back to her room.) There we go, there we go. Chandler: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress) Phoebe: Ah! Oh my God! You r-r-rotten boys! Chandler and Joey: Sorry Phoebe. Joey: I'm so sorry. Phoebe: What am I gonna do? Ross: No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! (clapping) What gets out hummus?! What gets out hummus?! Phoebe: Monica, Monica, you know what gets out hummus. Monica: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say? Phoebe: Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that. Chandler: Maybe he's calling to say your obsessive and crazy. Monica: So, should I call him back? The Guys: Noo! (Monica starts to go back into her room and stops) NO! Chandler: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable. Joey: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable. Chandler: All right! (jumps up) Ross: Okay, look, we have nineteen minutes. Okay, Chandler, I want you to go and change! Okay. And then, when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have vacated the chair. Okay. Okay. Chandler: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves) Rachel: (entering from her room) Is this a little too... (sees Phoebe) Pheebs, what happened? Phoebe: Hummus. I got the hummus. Rachel: Ooooh! Honey, well we'll find you something. Do you wanna wear my black jacket? Phoebe: That won't go with this dress though. Rachel: No, you're right. Well, we'll find something. Let's just get you out of that. Come on. Ross: No, no, no, no, no, no, not out of that, not out of clothes. Rachel: Monica, can Phoebe borrow your green dress? Monica: I called him. All: Nooo. Monica: Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what if it wasn't breezy? Phoebe: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place. Monica: Here, I got it. I'll will play my message for you guys, and you can tell me if it's breezy enough. Joey: Monica, how are you gonna do that? Monica: I know the code to his answering machine. Ross: Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing, you are dialing. (Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they have a show down to see who gets the chair and Joey wins) Richard: (on machine) "Hi, this is Richard. Please, leave a message at the tone." Machine: "You have two new messages." Joey: Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pie.' Monica: (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy." Joey: Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that totally negates the breezy. Woman's Voice: (on machine) Hola, it's me, yesterday was really fun. Call me about this weekend, okay. Joey: Now she sounded breezy. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier] Monica: He's seeing someone. I can't believe he's seeing someone. Phoebe: Monica, you don't know that. Monica: Well, who's voice was that? Chandler: Maybe it was his sister's. You know, maybe it was his daughter's. Monica: Michelle! Of course, it was Michelle! Did it sound like Michelle? Ross: Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab. Monica: It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle. Rachel: Pheebs, you go with Monica and try on her green dress. If that doesn't work, you can wear my gray silk one. Oh, gosh, what am I wearing?! Ross: You don't, you don't know what your wearing? Rachel: Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for your big night. Ross: Yeah, which, which we have to leave for in exactly twelve minutes. All right, come on, I'll just pick something out for you. Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole!" Joey: Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave) Chandler: What are you doing? Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions. Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair! Joey: That's right! I'm taking the essence. Chandler: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room. Ross: Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty. Rachel: Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep. Ross: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep. Rachel: Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days. Phoebe: Oh Rach, good, listen isn't this perfect for me! (she's wearing another dress on a hanger around her neck) Rachel: Oh, it's perfect! But not for tonight. Phoebe: Well, of course not for tonight. Yeah, hi! Ross: Not for tonight. Not for tonight! Wh-what, what, what, are you doing? Rachel: No honey, we're sorry, we didn't mean it. I love you. I love you. Chandler: We used them as pillows when we went camping. Ross: What? Chandler: (shyly) The sheep. Ross: Hey, what you do on your own time... Joey: (entering) Where's my underwear?! Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what. You took his underwear? Chandler: He took my essence! Ross: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now? Joey: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now. Ross: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight? Joey: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues. Chandler: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions. Joey: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you. Chandler: What are you, what are you gonna show me my clothes? Joey: Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves) Chandler: He's got nothing! Phoebe: (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the stain) Okay, I'm ready. Ross and Chandler: Oh, aaaah! Phoebe: Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.' Chandler: What are you supporting? Phoebe: Duh!! Christmas! Ross: Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve minutes.... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the, the dinosaur tail isn't going around any more. (grabs Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!! Rachel: (entering from her room) Okay, Pheebs, quick, what shoes should I wear? The black or the purple? Ross: Just, just, just pick one! Phoebe: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys? Rachel: Yeahh, but, but those really go better with pants. Maybe I should wear pants? Ross: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay. Rachel: But I... Ross: No, no, no just do it. Go in there and pick something out so we can go. Rachel: All right. Ross: Thank you! Monica: (entering from her room) Okay. I gotta call Michelle. I gotta see if that was her voice or not. I'm sorry, I just have to. Ross: It was, it was her voice. Chandler: Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad place. Michelle: Hola! Hello. Hello? Monica: Okay. That was her right? Phoebe: Definitely. Monica: See there you go. Woo! We're out of the woods. Okay, I'll get dressed now. Ross: Yay! (phone rings) Phoebe: I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah, just a second, can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that Caller Id thing. You should get that. Monica: (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, it's that.... Chandler: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about? Monica: (on phone) Michelle, I only beeped in so I could hear my message. I mean that's allowed. Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell your Dad about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable with this? Come on we're friends!! (Michelle hangs up) That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her back. Ross: No, no, no, no. Tick, tick, tick, tick. Monica: Okay, fine. (runs to her room) Chandler: They got a phone in there, right? Phoebe: Okay, we're on it. We're on it. [SCENE_BREAK] (Rachel comes out from her room wearing sweat pants and a sweatshirt) Ross: Um. I know it says black tie optional, but, um this may be pushing it a little, um. Rachel: I'm not gonna gooo. Ross: You're not going to go. Rachel: No, I think I'm gonna catch up on my correspondence. Ross: How, how, um how can you not be going? Rachel: I'm not gonna gooo, so I think that will accomplish the not going. Ross: Um, you know, just out of curiosity... Rachel: Well, ever since I was humiliated and yelled at in front of my friends, I'm just, I don't know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood. Ross: Right. Right, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled. Rachel: It's fine. Ross: No, but, your-your mad. Rachel: I'm not mad. Ross: No. Rachel: I'm just not going. Ross: Your not going. Rachel: Right. Ross: Okay. You know that I-I have to go. Rachel: Um, hum. Ross: Right. So is it gonna be like 'I'm abandoning you while your upset.' Rachel: No. Ross: No, because your not upset. Rachel: Right. Ross: About the yelling. Rachel: Right, and the humiliating. Ross: Oh, well of course, the humiliating. So, so wee, we're okay. Rachel: Um, hum. Ross: We're good. Rachel: Right. Ross: Okay. Honey? Rachel: Yes, Ross. (turns toward him) Ross: I love you. (goes to kiss her and she turns away.) Phoebe: (yelling from the bedroom) Get away from that! No! (she comes into the living room carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed. Chandler: Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that? (Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes) Joey: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own. Chandler: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!! Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando... Chandler: Oooo-ooh! Joey: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges) Ross: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party! Chandler: Jeez, what a baby. Joey: Yeah, Ross, way to ruin it. I was just going to get dressed. Ross: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there. Joey: You could drink the fat. Ross: Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation. Rachel: No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That actually, uh, that sounds interesting. Ross: What? Rachel: I think you should drink the fat. Joey: Yaaaay! Ross: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do. Phoebe: Oh, wait, let me get you another glass. That's been sitting out. Ross: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts drinking) Rachel: No, no, no, wait! Okay, okay. Don't! I'll go, I'll go! Ross: You will?! Rachel: You were really gonna do that, weren't you? Ross: Well, yeah. Rachel: You were gonna drink the fat. Joey: Let's see what else he'll do! Ross: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica! (Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking) Chandler: Stop it. Stop it! (Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone) Phoebe: Ross, went to get a cab so we can all... No, wh-what are you doing! No, Monica, no! Richard: (on machine) Hi, this is Richard. Machine: You have three new messages. Monica: Not any more! Machine: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone. Monica: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye. Machine: Your outgoing message has now been changed. Monica: Outgoing! Did that say outgoing?! Not, outgoing!!! Monica: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!! Phoebe: How did you do that? Monica: I don't know! Machine: Good-bye. Monica: Noooo!!!! Ross: (entering) Okay, okay, okay, I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go! Monica: Maybe we could call the phone company. Maybe they could change the message. Maybe they can change his number. Phoebe: Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself. Ross: Rachel!! (she enters) Wow! You, uh, you look, wow! Rachel: And I still have about five seconds to spare. (kisses him) Okay, that was about seven seconds. Ross: So we're a little late. Rachel: Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way.... Ross: What? Rachel: I'm going commando, too. Ross: Awwww!!! Closing Credits [Scene: At the banquet] Sherman Whitfield: Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, London Institute. Ross: Wow! What a pleasure. Whitfield: (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written. Chandler: Excuse me. Hi. Whitfield: Yes? Chandler: Well, your kind of sitting in my seat. Whitfield: What do you mean, your seat? Chandler: I mean, I was sitting there. Whitfield: But, you got up! Chandler: But, I never left the room! Whitfield: But, you left the chair area. Chandler: All right, that's it, give me your underwear.	Plan: A: a hurry; Q: What is Ross in? A: the museum; Q: Where is the banquet? A: Phoebe; Q: Who gets hummus on her dress? A: Joey; Q: Who takes the chair cushions and puts on all of Chandler's clothes? A: Monica; Q: Who freaks out after hearing a voice mail from Richard? A: Monica's chair; Q: Joey and Chandler fight over who can sit in what? A: Rachel; Q: Who refuses to go to the museum after Ross yells at her for not being dressed? Summary: Ross is in a hurry to get everyone ready in time for an important banquet at the museum but they keep delaying. Phoebe arrives on time but gets in the way of Joey and Chandler throwing hummus, which lands on her dress. Monica freaks out after hearing a voice mail from Richard, unsure if it is an old message or a new one. Joey and Chandler fight over who can sit in Monica's chair. Joey takes the chair cushions, then puts on all of Chandler's clothes. Rachel refuses to go after Ross yells at her for not being dressed.
THE SAVAGES 5:35pm - 6:00pm [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 1 - EMERGENCY CORRIDOR U-3 (The thick smoke continues to swirl through the corridor. Steven frantically hammers on the door, but it still refuses to open. Dodo coughs and splutters as she struggles for breath in the toxic atmosphere. The Doctor, however, remains motionless, unaware of the struggles of his companions.) STEVEN: It's no good, Dodo. I'm sorry. DODO: Help me, Steven, this stuff is choking me. (A figure appears from the smoke - it is Edal.) EDAL: Throw the light guns into the vapour. STEVEN: (Noticing Dodo about to throw down her weapon.) No, don't Dodo. DODO: Steven, I can't breathe! Do as he says. (Dodo reluctantly throws her light gun towards Edal, but Steven continues to hold his weapon.) STEVEN: You fool! EDAL: The other light gun. Throw it immediately. DODO: Steven, give him the gun. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 2 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (Jano is watching the events in the corridor on a scanner.) JANO: No, don't my boy. Don't give it to them. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 3 - EMERGENCY CORRIDOR U-3 (As Steven prepares to throw down his weapon, the door behind them grinds open.) DODO: Steven! The doors are opening. STEVEN: Quick Dodo! Get the Doctor out! DODO: What about you? STEVEN: Do as I say. Don't worry about me. DODO: (Assisting the Doctor towards the door.) Come on Doctor. STEVEN: Come on. (Shouting towards Edal.) Right, now you get back! (Steven fires a warning shot at Edal. As soon as the shot passes, Senta rushes up and joins Edal.) SENTA: What happened? Did they escape? EDAL: Who opened the doors? (At that moment, the door begins to glide closed. Steven rushes down the corridor, and out through the door, just before the door shuts completely. The guards make an effort to reach the door before it closes, but are too late.) SENTA: Someone has helped the strangers to escape. Give the alarm. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 4 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (Jano is still watching the scanner when Edal bursts into the control room. Edal peers suspiciously at Jano.) EDAL: You! You opened the doors? JANO: Don't be ridiculous young man. Why would I do that? You seem to forget that I am in charge here. Why would I do anything to help our enemies? EDAL: Well no, but if you didn't do it... JANO: If! Kindly remember to whom you are speaking. I am... (Jano pauses and rubs his head. He slowly turns back to Edal.) JANO: (Quietly.) Get back to your work, Captain. EDAL: What about the strangers? You want us to go after them? JANO: The strangers? Oh yes. Yes, instruct B Patrol to make ready. EDAL: I'll take charge of them myself. JANO: No captain, you will not. I will lead the patrol. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 5 - OUTSIDE THE CITY (The Doctor's Group) (Dodo and Steven struggle through the thick scrub - the Doctor's inability to move quickly is hampering their progress.) DODO: (Struggling for breath.) Doctor, please! You must try to go on. Oh please try. Is there any sign? STEVEN: No, not yet, but they're bound to be following. DODO: Come on Doctor. Come on. STEVEN: It's no good. DODO: Doesn't he care what happens? STEVEN: He doesn't even know. (Dodo screams as someone rushes towards them from the shrubs.) DODO: Look out! STEVEN: It's all right. It's Chal. CHAL: How did you get him away? I did not think it was possible. DODO: (Indicating the Doctor.) Look at the state he's in. CHAL: Yes, I've seen many of our people like that. That is how they leave us. STEVEN: Will he recover? CHAL: Yes, but it takes time. STEVEN: Where can we hide him, Chal? CHAL: No place is safe, but it's best to take him to the caves. STEVEN: (Hearing the sounds of movement.) Quickly, they're right behind us. Chal, you and Dodo, get the Doctor to the caves. I'll try and hold them back. DODO: But what can you do? STEVEN: (Impatiently.) I can delay them for a little while. Now, go on! You're going to need all the time you can get. DODO: Good luck, Steven. (Chal and Dodo move off with the Doctor. Steven crouches down behind a rock and makes a few adjustments to his light gun.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 6 - OUTSIDE THE CITY (Jano's Group) (Jano, Edal and four guards are moving cautiously through the scrub. They arrive in a clearing that divides into two separate paths.) JANO: (Pointing.) That way. (The group continue their way along the indicated path.) JANO: The strangers may have done one of two things, Captain. They may have tried to get back to their spaceship, or they may have gone on to the Valley of Caves. I suggest we split up. Take two men and see if the strangers have tried to reach their machine. I will go on to the Valley. EDAL: (Turning to the guards.) You two, guard the strangers' space machine. (The two guards immediately obey - rushing off through the scrub towards the TARDIS.) JANO: You are not going with them? EDAL: I will come with you, Jano. I think you may need my help. JANO: (Hesitantly.) Very well. (In the shrubs, Steven aims his gun towards the approaching figures of Jano, Edal and the remaining two guards. Edal suddenly runs forward and grabs Jano, throwing him to the ground.) EDAL: Look out! JANO: How dare... (At that moment, Steven fires, and hits one of the guards.) EDAL: The strangers! (The guard is knocked senseless by the blow, dropping his light gun in the process. Jano quickly drags the guard into cover.) EDAL: Just one of them - he's over there behind those rocks. We'll have to split up and work round the side of him. You (Pointing to the guard.) take that side, I'll take this. Jano, you can watch him from here. JANO: Right. (Edal moves off in one direction and beckons the remaining the guard to move off in the other direction. Jano is left alone with the stunned guard. Steven hears the sounds of movement to his left. He ducks just as a beam of light passes over his head. Almost simultaneously, a second beam is fired from Steven's right-hand side. Steven is forced to lie flat on the ground. He starts to crawl back into the dense undergrowth.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 7 - OUTSIDE THE CITY (The Doctor's Group) (Dodo and Chal are dragging the Doctor through the scrub.) DODO: Will Steven be all right? CHAL: Who can tell? He is a brave man. DODO: Are we nearly there? CHAL: It's not far to the Valley of the Caves. DODO: If only the Doctor would move faster. CHAL: You must understand - he's not himself. It's... as though he were asleep still. Help him - do not be angry with him. DODO: I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 8 - OUTSIDE THE CITY (Jano's Group) GUARD: What happened? EDAL: He's not here. He's playing for time. The longer he can delay us, the more chance they've got of getting the Doctor to the caves. (A beam of light suddenly hits the rock next to Edal.) GUARD: Look out, Edal! (They dive for cover on the ground.) EDAL: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 9 - THE VALLEY OF CAVES - EXTERIOR (Dodo and Chal lead the Doctor into the Valley of Caves. Chal expects to meet one of his people on guard duty - but nobody is there.) DODO: Chal, we've done it! There's your cave. CHAL: What are my people doing? There is no guard. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 10 - THE VALLEY OF CAVES - INTERIOR (Inside the cave, Exorse has been tied up, and forced to lie on the floor. He grimaces in pain. Nanina gives him a drink.) NANINA: Drink this. EXORSE: Thank you. NANINA: Let me see your head. EXORSE: I'm all right. TOR: It's a pity I didn't kill him when I had the chance. People of his kind must be destroyed if there is to be any hope for the rest of us. NANINA: We will not save ourselves that way, Tor. TOR: (Turning to the others in the cave.) You hear her? Nanina protects our enemies? This is a dangerous man. What do we do - let him go so he may attack us again? Or do we get rid of our enemies to help ourselves? (There is a murmur of assent from the other savages.) NANINA: Chal is our leader - he and the strangers have given us orders that this man is not to be hurt. TOR: I never trust the strangers, and Chal is not here. NANINA: All right Tor, (Grabbing a spear.) I am here! TOR: You would fight for this man, Nanina? How can an enemy mean so much? CHAL: (Calling from outside.) Tor, where are you? NANINA: (Immediately forgetting the argument with Tor.) It's Chal! CHAL: (Calling.) Where's the guard? (Dodo and Chal help the Doctor towards the caves. Tor and the other savages watch their approach from the cave mouth.) CHAL: (Indicating the Doctor.) Help him. NANINA: Where is the other stranger? CHAL: He will come. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 11 - OUTSIDE THE CITY (Jano's Group) (Steven, avoiding any attempt at stealth, rushes through the scrub towards the Valley of Caves. A blast from the light gun passes over his head. Steven dives for cover, rolls around, and fires an erratic shot back at his pursuers. He stumbles on through the undergrowth. A short distance away, Jano has spotted Steven moving through the shrubs. Jano aims his gun, prepares to fire... but lowers his gun after a moment's hesitation. Edal rushes up to Jano.) EDAL: How did he get away? JANO: You must ask your guards. EDAL: We will be too late. They will be in the valley by now. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 12 - THE VALLEY OF CAVES - EXTERIOR (Dodo assists the Doctor towards the cave, just as the sounds of movement appear from behind.) DODO: There's someone coming! It's Steven... STEVEN: (Sprinting into the valley.) Get him inside, quick! They're right behind me. (A few seconds later, Edal, Jano and the guard appear at the opening of the valley.) EDAL: (Indicating with his gun.) There they are. Fire! (As Edal and the guard open fire, Steven fires in return. One of Steven's shots hits the guard in the chest. Crying in pain, the guard falls to the ground.) STEVEN: (To Dodo, indicating the Doctor.) Get him into the back of the cave, quick, and give him some of those capsules. DODO: Which capsules? STEVEN: Those that we gave to the savage DODO: Yes, I forgot. (Dodo removes the jar of capsules from her pocket, and inserts one into the Doctor's mouth. Meanwhile, Jano, Edal and the stunned guard have taken cover behind a large rock. At the cave mouth, Steven peers into the vegetation, trying to find Edal's hiding place.) STEVEN: Somebody's moving. (Detecting movement, Steven aims his gun into the shrubs.) CHAL: It's their leader - Jano. (Steven lines up the sights on Jano. The savages urge Steven to fire.) TOR: Quickly fire now? Shoot! (But just as Steven is about to fire, a hand grabs hold of his arm. The Doctor has suddenly appeared at Steven's side.) DOCTOR: Not at Jano. STEVEN: Doctor, what are you doing? DOCTOR: You must not harm Jano. TOR: But he is their leader! DOCTOR: Please carry out my instructions, and do not harm Jano. (There is a moment's silence as Steven considers what to do. He turns back towards the cave mouth, and stares outside.) TOR: It is too late now. CHAL: Yes. Take him down (Indicating the Doctor.) (The Doctor is assisted into the cave by Dodo. Steven gives his light gun to a savage.) STEVEN: Here, take this... Go on, take it! Don't use it unless you have to. DODO: Are you all right Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, I think so, my dear. I must have fallen into some kind of a coma. It was as though... as though all my powers had been sapped. CHAL: You have let their leader escape! DOCTOR: (Staring around.) Where am I? Where am I? Hmm? STEVEN: These are the cave dwellings where Chal and his people live. DODO: We've got to get back to the TARDIS. DOCTOR: No. No, my dear, no, no. We can't leave yet. No, we've got a lot of work to do. STEVEN: Work? DOCTOR: Yes, yes. I don't intend to leave these people in this oppressed state. STEVEN: Well, you're never going to convince the elders that Chal and his people should be treated like human beings. DOCTOR: Yes, you're probably right, my boy. I shan't even try. CHAL: What are you going to do? DOCTOR: I am going to destroy the power that they hold over you. STEVEN: Destroy the laboratory? DOCTOR: Yes, precisely! STEVEN: But how are we going to get in? They'll be waiting for us this time. DOCTOR: All we need is one friend from the other side. NANINA: But that is not possible. DOCTOR: (Smiling.) I think we have him already, my dear. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 13 - THE VALLEY OF CAVES - EXTERIOR (Jano's Group) (Jano, Edal and the guard remain hidden behind the rock. Jano stares up into the sky.) JANO: It is getting dark. I want you to return to the city. EDAL: (Surprised.) Leave you here alone? JANO: Yes. I shall be all right. EDAL: I can't do that - I refuse to. JANO: I am still your leader, Edal, and this is an order. Tell Senta and the elders that I shall return with the strangers as prisoners. EDAL: I obey - under protest. (Edal and the guard walk away.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 14 - THE VALLEY OF CAVES - INTERIOR STEVEN: (Peering out from the cave mouth.) They've gone. DOCTOR: All of them? STEVEN: It's hard to tell - it's too dark. DOCTOR: Yes, I think you will find they've left one behind. STEVEN: I'll stay on guard. DOCTOR: (Smiling to himself.) Yes, there is no need to, my boy. CHAL: You speak in riddles. You say they have left one behind, but we do not need a guard? DOCTOR: That is correct. We'll wait until it's dark. Then I think we shall have a visitor. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 15 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (Edal has returned to the city, and is talking with Senta in the control room. They are both concerned by Jano's peculiar behaviour.) SENTA: But you shouldn't have left him there, Edal. EDAL: I was forced to. He's acting very strangely. He's not at all himself. SENTA: Are you sure? EDAL: Jano has changed. SENTA: That's a dangerous accusation! (Two of the elders stroll into the room.) SENTA: Dare you repeat it in front of them? EDAL: (To Elders.) I was ordered to return here by Jano, Elders. I believe we are about to be betrayed. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 16 - THE VALLEY OF CAVES - INTERIOR (The Doctor, Steven and Dodo wait in silence in the main cave. The savages sit patiently nearby.) DODO: (Hearing noises from outside.) There's someone coming. (Steven immediately prepares his light gun for firing.) DOCTOR: There's no need for that, my boy. STEVEN: Doctor... DOCTOR: Ssshh! JANO: (Outside the cave.) Don't be alarmed. Is the Doctor there? CHAL: It is Jano! DOCTOR: Yes, I am here, Jano. We were expecting you. (Jano slowly enters the cave, and looks around his surroundings. Some of the savages cringe back in fear, while others (like Tor) tighten the grip on their clubs.) DOCTOR: (Noticing the reaction.) Tell your people they are quite safe, Chal. Jano comes as a friend. CHAL: Do not be afraid. We must trust this man. JANO: How do you know that I come as a friend? DOCTOR: Oh, my dear Jano, it wasn't difficult. I knew you were to undergo the in-transference yourself. JANO: You knew that? DOCTOR: Yes, an unknown experiment. And you're not the type of man to allow others to take risks. JANO: You are right, Doctor. And now, tell me, what has happened to me? DOCTOR: Really, it's all very simple. You wanted my intellect - you got it, and along with it, you received a little conscience. Hmm? STEVEN: Conscience? DOCTOR: Yes, yes. You see, Jano is now saddled with the sense of right and wrong, which makes him an explosive element in a civilisation such as his. STEVEN: Is this true? JANO: It must be. All I know is that since the experiment I have not been sure of myself. I have grown aware of the evil that we have done and I am determined to end it. CHAL: You are going to help us? JANO: Yes. TOR: Your friends would never agree. JANO: I know. I will not try to persuade them. DOCTOR: Jano has another plan. JANO: How did you know, Doctor? DOCTOR: (Smiling.) I think it's like mine. (During this conversation, Exorse has been working at his bonds. Suddenly, his hands slip free from the bonds. Exorse immediately jumps up and sprints out into the darkness.) CHAL: Hold him! (Steven fires a shot with the light gun, but Exorse has escaped.) STEVEN: He's gone. TOR: If he gets back, that will be the end of your fine plan. DOCTOR: We must take that chance. (At that moment, Nanina rushes off to find Exorse.) TOR: Nanina! (Exorse is running through the shrubs when he hears the sounds of footsteps behind him. He stops in a small clearing, and picks up a heavy piece of wood. He raises his club as the sounds of movement become closer. Nanina suddenly bursts into the small clearing.) EXORSE: Why did you follow? NANINA: If you betray Jano, what will become of us? EXORSE: It is Jano who is the traitor. NANINA: What have you learnt, Exorse? That we are people like yourself. What chance will we ever have if you speak... EXORSE: You think I can keep silent about what I've heard? NANINA: You owe me your life, Exorse. I have a right to ask you. If you are against us now, you condemn us forever. (Exorse stares at Nanina thoughtfully for a few seconds. Without another word, he turns around, throws the piece of wood back to the ground, and heads back for the city. Nanina watches him disappear into the darkness.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 17 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (The remaining elders have gathered in the control room. Edal stands nearby. Senta is speaking to the Elders.) SENTA: I promised Jano that I would tell no one about the in-transference. But now I must. It appears that Jano has absorbed dangerous ideas from the Doctor. (Turning to Edal.) What can we do? EDAL: We can no longer trust Jano. He is not fit to lead us. I will take command. Declare an emergency. We must be ready for Jano. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 18 - THE VALLEY OF CAVES - INTERIOR (In the cave, Jano is preparing everyone for the trip back to the city.) JANO: Everyone must do as I command. You too Doctor. No one will turn back. And now we must move. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 19 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (While Edal and Senta are talking with the Elders, Exorse wearily strides into the room.) EDAL: You were a prisoner in the cave? EXORSE: That is correct. EDAL: Jano - I left him alone. He had some plan. EXORSE: (Hesitantly.) I did not see him. SENTA: According to Captain Edal, Jano is no longer to be trusted. He has gone over to the savages. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 20 - OUTSIDE THE CITY (A short distance from the city, a party of prisoners is being led through the undergrowth. At the rear of the group is Jano, who is holding the beam of the light gun over a number of prisoners. They include the Doctor, Steven, Dodo, Chal, Tor and Nanina.) JANO: (Shouting.) Come on, get a move on there. Come on, get along. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 21 - SENTA'S LABORATORY (Edal, who is questioning Exorse, is growing increasingly suspicious by the young guard's responses.) EDAL: Are you sure, Exorse, you have nothing further to report? EXORSE: (More confidently.) Nothing Captain. EDAL: (Coldly.) Strange. Very strange. We'll see what the interrogators can get out of you. EXORSE: Only the leader has the right to send citizens to the interr... SENTA: Captain Edal has called an emergency. He has taken over the leadership in the absence of Jano. JANO: In the absence of Jano? (Jano strides confidently into the control room, much to the surprise of Senta and Edal.) SENTA: We did not expect you back here! JANO: Why not? Did I not say that I would be back with prisoners. (Turning towards the door.) Bring in the strangers. SENTA: (To Edal.) So you were wrong, Edal. (To Jano.) Captain Edal informed us that you had gone over to the enemy, Jano. He has tried to take your place. JANO: Put the Captain under arrest. Both of you. (The guards immediately rush forward and seize Captain Edal.) EDAL: I demand to be heard! JANO: You will be heard - at the right time and place. Take him away! (Struggling in the grip of the guards, Edal is escorted from the control room. Senta and the remaining Elders look at Jano sceptically, while Exorse stands nearby.) SENTA: We apologise Jano. We thought that something had happened to you during the in-transference. JANO: Seal off the doors. SENTA: Are we to prepare these savages for transference? JANO: (More firmly.) Seal off the doors. (Jano rushes forward and pulls the lever himself. The laboratory doors begin to close.) SENTA: What's happening? I insist upon knowing! JANO: You will find what I'm going to say very difficult to understand. All the elders of our city are here, and so is the source of our supremacy on this planet. No man easily gives up the means which give him power. SENTA: I don't understand Jano. JANO: That is what I am asking you to do. I want you to destroy all this. SENTA: What? The laboratory? The generators? JANO: All the machinery which we have used to destroy our fellows. SENTA: They are not our fellows, Jano. They are the savages. They are not capable of development like us. JANO: How do you know? SENTA: All history proves it. The savages are good only to provide us with energy. The laboratory must not be destroyed. JANO: These people whom you call savages are our equals. What we have done to them is wrong. If you will not destroy all this, then I must. (Jano picks up a heavy rod and raises it over his head.) SENTA: What are you doing? Stop him! (Senta rushes forward and presses the emergency control lever. An alarm begins to sound. But this does not prevent Jano from delivering a hefty blow to a piece of machinery.) JANO: This is our only chance to start life afresh on this planet. Help me! SENTA: (Calling to Exorse.) Well don't just stand there! Use your gun. (Exorse lines up Jano with his light gun, but hesitates when Nanina appears in front of him.) NANINA: Help, Exorse. It's the only way to help us all. (Exorse slowly lowers his gun, and watches as the destruction continues throughout the laboratory. All the 'prisoners' pick up anything they can find, and assist in the destruction of the laboratory. The place degenerates into utter chaos, with people yelling and screaming to one another. After a number of blows, the large energy vats suddenly shatter, causing a large mass of liquid fluid to flow throughout the room. This fluid flows through the twisted metal, smashed equipment, and broken glass of the laboratory.) DOCTOR: (Triumphantly to Dodo.) You know, my dear, there's something very satisfying about destroying something that's evil. Don't you think? DODO: Yes! (As Dodo assists the Doctor towards the centre of the control room, Chal and Jano are talking.) JANO: This is only the beginning, Chal. After this destruction, our people must build a world that they can both live in. CHAL: And both sides must learn to trust each other. JANO: We may need a new leader. Someone who can unite us. EDAL: (Over the intercom.) Make sure the strangers don't escape. It is they who have done this to us! Kill the Doctor on sight. These are my orders!! (The doors are smashed down - a number of guards, led by Captain Edal, swarm into the room.) EDAL: (Screaming.) Get Jano! (The guards rush forwards towards Jano, but Jano makes no effort to run away. Steven rushes up to Jano's side, holding the light gun in front of him.) STEVEN: Stay where you are! What can you do now? The place is destroyed - your power's gone. EDAL: You! I should have killed you a long time ago. (To the Doctor.) It is you, Doctor, you have done this to us. JANO: Edal, you have no more authority here. EDAL: You, you are a traitor. I do not take orders from traitors! STEVEN: Drop it! (Edal raises his light gun, and points it at Jano. Steven quickly snatches the light gun from Exorse, and fires a shot at Edal. Edal collapses to the floor.) JANO: Doctor, we already owe you much. (To Steven.) And now I owe you my life. DOCTOR: Jano, since you have destroyed the power you held over Chal and his people, you realise now, of course, that you've got to learn to live together. JANO: Yes. But the fear and hatred of the past will only die slowly. We need someone like yourself as a mediator until we have become one people. DOCTOR: I see. But in my case, I am afraid that is utterly impossible. JANO: The man we need must inspire trust. His judgements must come from his heart even more than his head. (The Doctor smiles knowingly, as Chal and Jano turn to Steven.) CHAL: Here is the leader we want, Jano. JANO: This is what I thought. STEVEN: (Struggling for words.) Just a minute. I couldn't... DOCTOR: A great honour, dear boy. STEVEN: But I can't walk out on you and Dodo! DOCTOR: Just think of the challenge to be able to set up the people on this planet for a new life. You're quite ready for this task. STEVEN: You think I can do it? DOCTOR: Yes, I do. And you're the only man who can, my boy. STEVEN: (To Chal.) And the offer comes from both sides? CHAL: You would give us new hope. Our people will become great again - we will learn to live as equals - without bitterness. STEVEN: What about Tor? TOR: I should accept your decisions. (There is a moment's silence as Steven considers the momentous decision.) STEVEN: Very well. I will stay. CHAL: Thank you... and thank you! You have justified our faith. DODO: (Rushing forward to Steven.) Oh Steven! STEVEN: (Giving Dodo a hug.) I shall miss you both, Dodo. JANO: Doctor, for many light years, we looked forward to your arrival on this planet. We always knew of your wisdom, but we never dreamed of the miracle that it would bring us. DOCTOR: Thank you Jano. And if ever you need the benefit of my wisdom again, I trust and hope you will allow me to express myself with my own free will, rather than place me in an oven, and try and cook it out of me. Hmmm? (The Doctor chuckles as Jano nods.) JANO: (To Chal.) Come, Chal, we must summon our people. There is much work to be done. (To Steven.) We shall await you in our Council Chamber. (Jano and Chal leave the room, along with the rest of their united people. The Doctor, Steven and Dodo are left alone in the remains of the laboratory.) DOCTOR: Well, I must say, young man, I'm very proud of you! STEVEN: Doctor, I don't know if... DOCTOR: I know, I know my boy. Well, go on, you mustn't keep them waiting. STEVEN: Goodbye Doctor. DOCTOR: (Shaking Steven's hand.) Goodbye Steven, and good luck. (Steven turns and hurries away. But at the door, he hesitates and sadly turns back to the Doctor and Dodo. He gives a small wave, and disappears.) DODO: Doctor, do you think we'll ever see him again? DOCTOR: (Comforting Dodo.) Well, who knows my dear. In this strange complex of time and space, anything can happen. Come along little one, we must go. (Arm-in-arm, the Doctor and Dodo stroll out of the devastated laboratory.) DOCTOR: We mustn't look back. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 22 - THE RAVINE (In the ravine, the TARDIS groans into life with the familiar sound of dematerialisation. Slowly, it fades from view...)	Plan: A: a far-distant and seemingly idyllic world; Q: Where has the TARDIS arrived? A: the Doctor; Q: Who is helpless to prevent the Elders from exploitation? A: Steven; Q: Who agrees to remain behind on the planet to become leader of the newly united Elders and Savages? A: a terrible secret; Q: What does the world the TARDIS has arrived on hide? A: the apparently civilised Elders; Q: Who is draining the life-force of the Savages? A: their advanced society; Q: What do the Elders maintain by draining and transferring the life-force of the defenceless Savages? A: his own people; Q: Who does Jano turn against? A: the Savages; Q: Who does Jano enlist to destroy the Elders' transference laboratory? Summary: Missing episode The TARDIS has arrived on a far-distant and seemingly idyllic world. Yet the Doctor, Steven and Dodo learn it hides a terrible secret: the apparently civilised Elders maintain their advanced society by draining and transferring to themselves the life-force of the defenceless Savages. Outraged at this exploitation, the Doctor is seemingly helpless to prevent it when some of his own life-force is tapped by the Elders' leader, Jano. In the process, however, Jano also acquires some of the Doctor's attitudes and conscience. Turning against his own people, he enlists the Savages to destroy the Elders' transference laboratory - a task with which the time travellers gladly assist. Steven agrees to remain behind on the planet to become leader of the newly united Elders and Savages.
[Bells tolling] Isaac: I, Isaac Walton... Have gazed upon the nakedness of Abigail Cook... [Voice breaking] ... And did kiss her. George: And? Isaac: And... George: And did commit the sin of self-pollution. Isaac: And committed the sin of self-pollution. George: 10 hard ones. Isaac: [Screams] [Leather cracks] [Screaming] George: On this glorious day, our brave boys muster to face the devil's shock troops... French and Indian savages massing in the woods right outside our doors. Isaac: [Groaning] George: And what are you going off to defend? Not Sodom, but Salem. We cannot expect God to be on our side if we tolerate abominations or those who commit them. You two will remain in the stocks overnight. And you, boy, will bear the mark of your sins the rest of your life. Isaac: [Groaning] [Sizzling] No, please. Please! Mr. Hale: For God's sakes, Sibley. The stocks and the lashings are punishment enough. Isaac: [Sobbing] No! George: Fornicator! Isaac: [Screams] [Crowd gasps] [Screaming] John: Judge not... Lest ye be judged. George: Who said that? John: Jesus. You might have heard of him. George: John Alden. [Scoffs] My respect for your father's memory can only shield you so long. Giles: It's a good thing you're mustering out tonight. Like it or not, Sibley's in charge. He tolerated your father, but he won't be happy till he sees you swing. [Dog barking in distance] [Horse neighs] John: Hey! Mary: Oh! John: [Chuckles] Mary: Didn't you learn anything today? John: Yes, yes, if I have to spend one more night under the same stars as that bstrd George Sibley, I will gut him like the pig that he is. Mary: If... talking like that will land you in the stocks. John: No day soon. [Sighs] I'd rather die fighting the French and the Indians than get pissed on by the good souls of Salem. Mary: So, you're really leaving. John: Mary, trust me. I will come back for you. Hey. Look. This is all that I have. And I swear on my parents' grave. This is my vow. This war will not last a year. Man: Forward! Stay in formation, gentlemen. [Horse neighs] [Bird caws] Man: Isn't but a half-day's ride. Mary: I can't make it. I think I'm gonna be sick again. Tituba: Shh. As soon as you sit down inside, it will settle. Man: Wait your betters, girl. Peace be upon you. George: And upon you. Mary: Peace be upon you. George: And upon you. Though there are things to be said for war. Gives a certain kind of man someplace to end up other than the end of a brand... Or a rope. You'll thank me one day. Tituba: Stay strong. After tonight, it will all be over. [Insects chirping] Mary: [Breathing heavily] Tituba, wait. I've changed my mind. I want to go back. Tituba: There is no place for that child in Salem. George Sibley drove John Alden off to die in the war. What do you think he's gonna do to you when he finds out you're pregnant with John's baby? Do not fear the woods. The woods are gonna take care of that little soul... And you. Mary: What is this place? Tituba: You want to live? Lie still. Mary: [Gasping] Please. It's all that I have left of him. Tituba: Hush. [Insects chirping] [Owl hoots] Mary: [Gasping] [Gasps] No, wait. I-I-I don't want to do this. Tituba: You don't have a choice, Mary. Mary: Please. Tituba: This is what you want. Mary: Please. Tituba: This is what you want. Mary: [Weakly] No... Please. Tituba: Let him in. Mary: [Chuckles] No, please. [Whimpering] Stay there! [Screams] [Gasps] John. John. John, help me. Help me! [Gasps, screams] Tituba: Now tell him. Say it. This is what you want. Mary: Yes. Yes! Yes! Aah! [Gasps] [Whimpers] [Screams] [Sobbing] Tituba: All the world shall be yours in return. All the world. [Indistinct conversations] [Dog barks, birds chirping] [Horse neighs, indistinct conversations] Man: From heaven in flaming fire, taking vengeance upon all those who know not God, who have disobeyed the gospel! Man 2: Read for yourself the truth. The terrible truth... witches among us, the devil in Salem. For you, sir. For you, sir. Man 3: No. [Men grunting] Man: Easy. [Lock clicks] [Rifle cocks] Giles: This is the Alden house, and there ain't any Aldens left. So you are either a ghost, or you're about to be one. John: That's a harsh way to say "welcome home." Giles: Johnny? Can't be. I heard you was dead Killed in the war. John: I wished I was a couple of times. Giles: Ah, well, they can't keep a good man down. [Sack thuds] [Crunch] [Chuckles] John: Saw three men strung up on the way into town and a new gallows being built in the heart of the common. What the hell is that? Giles: Precious Salem caught up in a stinking witch panic. John: Witch panic? Who did the bigwigs send in to put out the fire, the almighty Increase Mather? Giles: No, his son... Cotton. And not a chip off the old block... barely a splinter. John: I remember when we were kids he used to dress like a girl. Fought like one, too. Giles: Well, he's all grown-up now. A fine fool in fine silk clothes, and not just any fool, the most dangerous kind... the kind that thinks he knows everything. But you didn't come back for all this horseshit. You come back for one thing and one thing only. Truth told, she's finer than ever. And she's the richest woman in Salem. And why not? She's Mary Sibley now. John: Sibley? George Sibley. But his wife... Giles: Died a few years ago. You've been gone a long time, John. Keep your powder in your bag. One day, your Mary will be the richest widow in the country. Nathaniel: The driver's at the door with some packages for you, ma'am. Mary: Send him in. And, Nathaniel, take Mr. Sibley with you. Time for his bath. Now, Isaac, tell me some news of the world. Isaac: Saw a dusty fella walking into town today. I couldn't believe my eyes. Mary: Why? Isaac: It was John Alden. Mary: [Gasps] [Laughter] [Indistinct conversations] Lamb: Welcome back, Reverend Mather. Rum, gin, ale? Cotton: Yes. [Bottles clink] [Mug thuds] [Sighs] I need three strong men. [Coins clink] I can pay. John: For what? Cotton: To subdue a girl. Reverend Lewis. Lewis: Please help my daughter. And be careful. [Woman sobbing] [Wood creaking] [Latch clicks] Mercy: [Screaming] Cotton: Tie her down! Tie her down!! Mercy: [Groaning, screaming] [Gasping] [Sobbing] Please, I beg you, sir. Please, make this stop. Cotton: I can do nothing, mercy, unless you tell me... Who is it torments you? Mercy: S-she's right there. Cotton: "She"? Who is here? Mercy, you must tell me! Who is in this room with us?! Mercy: The hag! The old woman! She's standing right there! Please. [Sobbing] Cotton: A simple physic. Mercy: [Gasping] Cotton: To sleep. Mercy: [Stammers] Please. Please. [Stammers] Cotton: We call it a spectral attack... the work of witches. Pray for her. John: I call bullshit. She's clearly touched in the head. She needs a doctor, not your prayers. [Floor creaking] Mercy: [Gasping] [Screaming] [Bells tolling] Mrs. Hale: Don't dawdle, child. I want you in the front row where Cotton Mather can't help but be dazzled by your charms. Anne: For heaven's sake, mother, why not just wrap me in silk and parade me on the auction block? [Horse neighs] Cotton: Fear no man's war. For only a war from hell could destroy Salem. The devil was never going to let a promised land be built here without a fight, without a battle! And witches armed with deadly malice are the most malignant and insidious weapons in that battle... In that war. Even a single witch in Salem is enough to destroy everything we have built and ever hope to build here! Now, we have already killed three of them, and yet their malice continues unabated. Why? Because there are still witches here among us! [Gasping, murmuring] Perhaps in this very hall! Imagine a foe you can't see armed with weapons unknown and the ability to appear as any one of us! Mr. Hale: Then how can you hope to identify the correct culprit? Cotton: Have you seen the girl, sir? Even now, mercy Lewis bleeds from 100 wounds... some impossible to self-inflict. She is the one who will tell us who does this. Mr. Hale: I see. The ravings of a poor, sick girl will help you identify what your reason fails to deliver. Cotton: My father... Mr. Hale: Yes, of course. Your father. Did your father, whom we all so respect, offer you any advice when he sent you in his stead to our aid? Cotton: He... Advised caution. Mr. Hale: Caution? And are we to take three people hung as the measure of Mather junior's caution? There could be nothing worse for Salem, for the country, than a witch hunt. George: [Gagging] [Murmurs] Witches. Witches. Mary: Indeed. As my beloved husband, the head of your selectmen, reminds me, there is something worse than a witch hunt... a witch. John: A witch? [Congregation gasps] Sure, that's bad. But why not an ogre... Or a goblin? Why not a dragon, long as we're talking about fairy tales? Mary: John Alden. We all welcome Captain Alden home from his long, long service in our defense. Giles: Puritans know their sun is setting. Nothing like a new enemy or a new old enemy to get people behind you. Mary: Captain Alden. John: Mrs. Sibley. Mary: Mr. Sibley and I are hosting a small dinner tomorrow night. We'd be honored if you'd join. [Indistinct conversations] [Gun cocks] John: Why are you staring at me? I don't even know you. Isaac? Isaac: Isaac the fornicator. Hide your wives. Hide your daughters. Hell, your sheep! John: All right, look. So, what do you want from me? Isaac: Listen to me, John Alden. Coming home to Salem to get out of the war is like jumping in the ocean to get out of the rain. Truth hides. They could be anyone. John: Oh, they who? Who's they? Isaac: Witches! Ain't no fairy tale. They're real. John: [Grunts] Isaac: All these years, your Mary's the only one who's ever done me a good turn. John: She's not my Mary now. Isaac: You left once before. Look what happened. Don't walk out on us again. Cotton: [Sighs] Lewis: Is this really necessary? Cotton: A witches' familiars... demons, usually in the form of an animal. Cat, rat, a bird, or a toad... they perform all sorts of useful tasks as long as they're fed. You heard what she told us. She was forced to feed their familiars. She must be searched for the marks... teats where she suckled them. Lewis: [Gasps] Please help her. [Door closes] Cotton: [Breathing heavily] [Tapping] [Pounding] "Woe to the inhabitants of the earth and of the sea! For the devil has come down unto you with great wrath because he knoweth that he hath but a short time." [Sighs] Revelations 12:12. Gloriana: I see the end of the world urges you onto greater efforts. Cotton: Mm, as it must us all. Gloriana: Our granny used to scare us silly with those witch stories. But she'd really terrify my brothers. She told them witches could steal a man's... Cotton: Aah! [Laughs] Gloriana: [Laughs] Cotton: Would you like that, Gloriana, without the bother of the man attached? [Panting] Gloriana: Not this man. Cotton: [Gasps] [Women chuckling] Man: My darling. Mab: See you next time, Governor. Cotton: [Sighs] Just attending to the poor. John: No doubt... and the poor in spirit. Cotton: Captain Alden, right? I haven't seen you since we were children. I expected to see you up at Harvard. Surprised to hear that you'd run off to join the militia... like a servant. John: I would have loved to spend four years counting angels on the heads of pins, but... Cotton: Hmm. John: There was a war on. Cotton: Pity. I owe everything to my education. John: Taught you everything about hunting witches? Cotton: No. But my father burnt scores back in Essex, and I've read every book there is on the subject... in eight languages. John: So, you learned your hunting from books. Well, that's a bit like learning the facts of life from your maiden aunt. But never mind. You're here now, and you're the expert on witches, so let me ask you. What do these awful witches want, huh? Cotton: The same thing we all want... a country of their own. John: And here I've been wasting my time fighting mere Indians. Good night, Harvard. George: [Groaning] Mary: Time for your feeding. George: [Grunts] Mary: [Grunting] [Stomach gurgling] George: [Groans] Mary: Yes. Yes. [Clicks tongue] Yes. [Clicks tongue] George: Someone, help me! [Weakly] Help me. Mary: Yes. George: No. Help me! Help! Help! [Gagging] Mary: George, don't fight it. You know it only hurts more. George: [Grunting] Mary: You took away everything I had, George Sibley... Everything I loved. Can you imagine how good it feels to take everything you have, destroy all you've built, and devour your very soul? George: [Whimpers] Mary: All done. George: [Grunts] I would like to make a toast to our hostess Mary Sibley, who has shown us that true piety and true beauty amount to the same worship. Cotton: Indeed. Beauty is the last miracle allowed in an ugly... Fallen world. Mrs. Hale: Magistrate Hale and I are concerned about our daughter's inner beauty, Reverend Mather. Perhaps you could suggest a tutor for her, a Harvard man like yourself? [SCENE_BREAK] Anne: I believe there is only so much you can learn from books. Experience is our true teacher. Don't you agree, Captain Alden? John: Well, that depends on the experience. Anne: Yours must have been fascinating... with the Indians. They're so mysterious, so... Natural. Mrs. Hale: Natural? [Scoffs] "Unnatural," I'd say. Soulless savages. John: I assure you, ma'am, the Indians do have souls, if any of us do. Cotton: "If"? Anne: [Laughs] Mary: And what about witches? Do they have souls, too? George: [Grunting] Cotton: They do. But they have deeded them to the devil himself in exchange for powers and all that they desire. Mary: A contract? Cotton: Indeed. Mary: Ironic, as I believe, by law, a woman's not allowed to enter a contract but through the agency of their husband. George: [Coughs, gags] Mary: Nathaniel. Nathaniel: Yes, ma'am. Cotton: Not all witches are women. Anne: And what do you think, Captain Alden? John: I don't know. [Sighs] I think some things just beggar belief, like an honest frenchman or a faithful woman, things that I'll believe in if and when I see one. Mr. Hale: I find I worry more about the French and the Indian attacks than I do witches. What's your opinion, Captain Alden? Just how vulnerable are we? John: Mm. Mary: Are you all right, Captain Alden? John: I think this rich food doesn't agree with me. Mary: Some fresh air might help. [Door opens, closes] I was told you were killed. John: Was that before or after you married Sibley? Mary: I remember being told once that the war wouldn't last a year. John: That wasn't up to me. Mary: I waited for you. Years and years without a word. John: I couldn't write. Mary: No, of course not. Too busy saving the country. John: Not exactly. I was captured. Their priest man told the others not to take this away from me. He said the universe itself was made out of vows, and breaking them carries consequences. I know that this is just half a silver coin, and you have... no shortage of silver now. Mary, come with me. Now... Tonight. I have money in a bank in New York. It's different there. There's not a puritan in sight. It's not too late. We can be together Anywhere. Anywhere but here. Mary: New York? John: Yeah. Mary: Is that before or after you were captured? You walk out of here one night, and you come back years later. A-and you think that... John: Mary. Mary: [Sighs] John: Come here. Mary: No. I can't. It's impossible. He'd never let me. [Door opens] Mr. Hale: Now, now, Mrs. Sibley. Even you have no right to monopolize a guest as fascinating as Captain Alden, for whom I have a rare gift, a cigar of tobacco from Guyana with some Brandy. John: I'm afraid all this... Civilized eating and drinking has laid me out, Magistrate. Mary: [Sniffles] You told me he was dead! Tituba: It's not like counting sheep, honey. More like counting shadows. But it don't change a thing. What's John Alden compared to all that lies before you? Stop your weeping, woman. That boy don't deserve those tears. Mary: They're not for him. They're for the girl I once was. Tituba: That girl belongs to somebody else now. Mary: [Screams, gasps] Tituba: Was it he that left you to the wolves? No, child. It was he that saved you from the wolves and raised you up to all of this. You have a grand vision. Don't lose sight of it. Tomorrow, the moon is with us. Tomorrow, it begins. Leave your anger and your pain for the Kenaima to feed on. Has he not been true to his vow? Are not your enemies now your slaves? Do you not have everything that you desire... wealth, power? Mary: Almost everything. [Knock on door] Man: Pardon me, ma'am. A gentleman to see you. Mary: Mr. Corey. To what do I owe the pleasure? Giles: I was wondering if I might talk to you, ma'am. I had a small farm. First, it broke my heart. Then it broke my back. As you and I both know, the heart heals. The back never does. I took up trapping. It's a meager living Ruined the Indians. Now it's ruining me. Thing about trapping is you get your good catch at night. But by morning, it's someone else's meal. Me, I stay with my traps. Mary: Fascinating, Mr. Corey, but... Giles: That's why I was there... The night you did it... You and your cinnamon girl. Mary: You waited a long time. Giles: Nobody's business till now. But that was John Alden's baby that you buried out there. And the way he feels about you, he has a right to know. So, are you gonna tell him? Or am I? Anne: Oh, blast this wretched thing. [Bells tolling] John: That's not bad. Anne: Reverend Lewis says drawing is idolatry, like worshiping nature or something. John: Well, there might be worse things to worship. Anne: I'd like to draw you sometime. John: I'm not sure I'd like to see a portrait of me. Anne: [Laughs] John: [Chuckles] Besides, I have no time to sit. I'm on way out of town. Anne: So soon? Afraid of witches... Or being taken for one? John: It's a long way to New York. Good day. Anne: [Gasps] Mary: Oh, I didn't mean to frighten you. Anne: Oh, I'm not frightened. [Sighs] Just surprised. Mary: Yes, of course... a girl brave enough to sketch in a graveyard. Anne: I'm not afraid of the dead, nor the living for that matter. Mary: That's because you know nothing of death and less of life. I could teach you... about life... And death... And many things in between. Do you know what killed nearly every woman buried here? Love. Most died in childbirth. So, love is to a woman what war is to a man... the most deadly thing they'll do. Only a fool runs quickly to war or love. You'd best watch yourself. Anne: Thank you... Mrs. Sibley. I can only aspire to your happy wisdom. Cotton: Where do the witches meet? Mercy: In the woods. Cotton: How many? Mercy: I don't know. Cotton: Who are they? Mercy: I ... [Sighs] I can't see their faces. Like there's these heads of animals like a stag and a pig and a wolf. Cotton: But you know who they are? Mercy: [Whimpering] Yes. Yes. Cotton: Their names. Mercy: [Gasps] [Babbling] Cotton: Why won't you tell me their names? Mercy: [Crying] She won't let me. Cotton: "She"? Mercy: Yes. Cotton: Who? Who is she? Tell me. [Gasping] I can't. Cotton: Tell me the names! Mercy: [Screams] [People screaming] [Growling, barking] Man: My God, mercy. Cotton: Though she cannot speak a name, she will show us the witch. Mercy: [Screams] Woman: Oh, no! Mercy: [Screams] [People murmuring] [Growling] [Screaming] [Indistinct shouting] [Screams] Cotton: [Grunts] [People gasp, scream] Mercy: [Screaming] Isaac: Sorry, Captain. You can't leave Salem just yet. Something you've got to see. Mary: Is this him, the witch? Cotton: I think so. All the books say if the victim... Mary: Never mind your books. Is this the witch? Cotton: He won't plead either way. Mary: Is that so? Giles: Won't dignify the accusation. If you can call a young girl's spit an accusation. What I have to say, I'll say to Captain John Alden. You just find me Captain Alden. I'll have plenty to say. Cotton: I have sent men for Captain Alden, but I'm told he's left town. Mary: Just obtain a plea. Cotton: And if he remains silent? Mary: You've been granted power. Use it. Press him for an answer. Let the same devil that holds his tongue hold the stones. [Door opens, closes] [Metal clangs] Tituba: Hurry. The sabbath is about to begin. One, two, three, and four. Raise the devil to our door. Call the pig, the wolf, the ram. Come to the circle, all who can. Make him walk on floor to roof. Drink to him with horn and hoof. One, two, three, and four. The devil is here. Now sleep no more. And all the world shall be yours in return. Mary: [Inhales deeply] [Sighs] [Breathing heavily] John: If your witches meet here, they got better night eyes than I do. Isaac: [Scoffs] They don't need night eyes. The night is their eyes. John: What the hell is this? Isaac: Gifts to the devil himself... the unborn. [Moaning] Woman: Cruour innocentia. Maleficarium. Pestilentia. Walpurgisnacht. Consummatum est. Now it begins. Isaac: [Screams] Mary: [Sighs] [Panting] The circle was broken. Tituba: By who? Woman: Satan! Cotton: Please, sir. I don't want to to do this. Giles: Then don't. Cotton: Be reasonable, man. I have the power to press you for an answer. All you have to do is say the words "guilty" or "not guilty," and we can stop all of this. Giles: If I say "guilty," you'll hang me before dawn. And if I say not, my fate is still in the hands of you bastards. I'll hold my peace and trust in the lord. [Indistinct shouting] Cotton: Lower the stones! Giles: [Groans] Cotton: I ask you again. Are you guilty... Or not? Giles: [Whimpers] Isaac: We're dead. John: No, we are not. Isaac: Good as. John: I thought you've seen them before. You wanted me to see them, and I saw them. Isaac: And they saw us. And I told you they could be anybody. John: Okay, just... Calm down. [Indistinct shouting in distance] Giles: [Groans] Cotton: Have you something to say? Giles: More stones. [Indistinct shouting] [Grunts] John: Giles! Get the hell off of him! [Grunts] Giles: Alden! Woman: He's dead! [Cheers and applause] Cotton: "Woe to the inhabitants... "Of the earth and of the sea. For the devil has come down unto you." John: Son of a bitch. Son of a... No! No! Get! Cotton: [Muttering] John: My father's boots were the very first in Salem. And I'm warning every goddamn one of you murdering, hypocritical puritan bastards that these boots will be the last! Mary: I will ask you once again. Who was there? Who saw us? Mr. Hale: I will tell you again. I do not know. It is difficult to see past a muzzle flash. Mary: Then I suggest you find out, Mr. Hale. There's no turning back. The witch hunt has begun, and we will be running the trials. You understand that, don't you, George? You best of all. We will use the trials to turn the puritans against each other. They will hunt and kill and drown in their very own blood till there's no puritans left standing... And Salem... Is ours.	Plan: A: Salem; Q: Where is Mary pregnant with John Alden's baby? A: a Puritanical town; Q: What type of town is Salem? A: her lover; Q: Who is John Alden? A: forehead branding; Q: What is one of the punishments Mary is faced with? A: the devil; Q: Who does Mary believe she should give her child to? A: the town's richest and most influential selectman George Sibley; Q: Who does Mary marry? A: Reverend Cotton Mather; Q: Who is trying to stop witches from taking over America by killing them? A: a witch-hunt; Q: What does John witness when he returns home? A: the trials; Q: What does Mary plan to use to get Puritans to kill each other? Summary: Mary is a young, unwed girl pregnant with John Alden's baby in Salem, a Puritanical town. Believing her lover John was killed during King William's War , she is now faced with the Puritans' stocks and forehead branding, or giving her and John's child to the devil. Having chosen the latter, she marries the town's richest and most influential selectman George Sibley, claiming his wealth and power for herself by enslaving him. Reverend Cotton Mather is trying to stop witches from taking over America by killing them. John returns home to witness a witch-hunt , wherein Mary plans to use the trials to get Puritans to kill each other, allowing her to rule Salem.
Glenn: Well, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. Bad news is, the cancer has spread to the brain. The good news is, it's carnivale! [ Laughs ] Lola: It just feels so right to be back together again. Why did we ever break up in the first place? Owen: I don't know. Oh -- I cheated on you a number of times. Lola: Right. Well, mister, if you cheat on me one more time, I will not repeat this cycle of abuse and trust yet again. Dr. Spratt: She has daddy issues. Lola: Maxine. Dr. Spratt: Luckily, our father died before he could destroy my confidence and perfect looks. Lola: What are you doing here, Maxine? Why are you dressed like a doctor? Dr. Spratt: Because I suddenly am one, proving once again that I can do anything you can do -- only prettier. Hi. I'm Dr. Maxine Spratt, Lola's much younger sister. You're supposed to show me the ropes today? Owen: That's a coincidence because I showed old Lola the ropes here about 10 years ago. Dr. Spratt: I'll be better at it -- smarter, prettier, more confident. You know the drill by now. [ Giggles ] So, where are these ropes? Owen: They're by the tomahtoes. Glenn: I feel weird about doing this in front of the patient. I mean, the poor girl was abandoned here this morning. We don't even have a name. Valerie: Don't worry. She's in a coma. Glenn: Yeah. Well, what about Blake? Valerie: Blake, Glenn and I are going out. Do you know what that means? Blake: Well, yeah, sort of. I mean, kids today say they're going out, but what does that even mean, you know? It's like, "Where are you going?" "Out." Valerie: No, I mean, do you know what that means for you and me? We're breaking up. Blake: Oh. Well, that is unexpected -- mostly because we weren't dating. Wait -- were we dating? Valerie: Goodbye, Blake. Blake: Oh, man. Glenn: Uh, sidebar, if I may? Blake: Permission granted. Glenn: She's gone. Dori: Sy, what's all this? Sy: In a nutshell -- years ago, my ex-wife and I were a covert team of assassins for a secret government agency. Dori: Got it. Sy: I hated the life and got out. My wife went rogue. Dori: That's not good. Sy: She pledged she'd kill me by my 60th birthday, which is today, so I'm installing this hospital-wide security system. Dori: Oy, Sy. Happy birthday. I have to needlepoint you something. Sy: I'm a 42 short. Beth: So, every 10 minutes, the alarm goes off, and then you have 10 seconds to press this button, or the patient will die. Lola: Well, what does the button do? Beth: I don't know. You're the doctor. Lola: Yes, I am a doctor. And this job seems more suited to a monkey or a common nurse in a zoo. [ Rapid beeping ] Ohh! Fine! [ Beeping stops ] [ Sighs ] I'm sorry I called you a monkey. Beth: Look, we go through a lot of intense stuff here every day, so let's just chalk it up to that and move on. Lola: Okay. Cool. Beth: Remember, every 10 minutes. Lola: Oh. 10 minutes. And done. Valerie: We have to find our missing coma girl. I mean -- wait. Blake's watching. Put your hand down my pants or something. Glenn: What?! No! What is your deal with Blake, anyway? I mean, how could you guys date without him even knowing it? Valerie: We never dated. I just told him we did so I could have the fun of breaking up with him. He's looking again. Just...give me a hickey. Glenn: Oh, fine. Valerie: This used to be us. Blake: When? Owen: Well, unless I miss my guess, this is Lyme disease. Dr. Spratt: I agree -- she's not good enough for you. Owen: Huh? Dr. Spratt: What? Oh. Sorry. When you said "disease" I thought you said "Lola" and I just discovered a cure. Me. [ Pager beeping ] Lola: Damn! [ Sighs ] Whoo! Ugh! [ Panting ] [ Rapid beeping ] [ Beeping stops ] [ Sighs ] Too close, Lola. Too close. Sy: All right, Dori. I'm finished. Now, where are we with the extra security guards I ordered? Dori: There's one in front of each -- Sy: Double them. Dori: Let me finish!! Sy: Sorry. Dori: Thank you. Before you interrupted me, I was going to say, there's one in front of each door. Sy: Thank you. Double them. [ Electricity crackles ] Dori: Hey, Sy... these wires have been cut. Sy: She's already here. [ Power shuts off ] Wow! Chet: You called for me, pretty doctor? Lola: Yes, Chet. I need you to press this button every 10 minutes. I'll pay you. Chet: Oh. With kissies? Lola: With money. Chet: W-will you at least give the money kissies? Lola: Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. Whatever. Chet: Whatever. She'll do whatever. She'll do whatever. [SCENE_BREAK] Blake: I feel like if you guys hadn't been making out, the patient wouldn't have slipped away. Valerie: We weren't making out. Blake: Val, I'm starting to think that you're messing with my head. Ohh! Valerie: [ Sighs ] Well, Blake's been punched. Glenn: Uh, good. So, what do you say you and I -- Valerie: Yes. Set him up in the room, put fake blood in his mouth and on the bed, and convince him that he ate the patient. Glenn: Or I was gonna say hang out, but, you know, okay. Yeah. Hey. Blake: What the hell?! Ohh! [ Groans ] Valerie: Well, Blake's been punched again. Thoughts? Owen: I feel kind of weird about this. Dr. Spratt: Yeah, it's really weird to just stare at each other for so long. I'm just really good at it. Owen: No, I feel kind of weird because of Lola. Dr. Spratt: You're obsessed with my sister! Okay. [ Chuckles ] Look, I'm gonna level with you, Owen. When Lola was born, God said, "Unh-unh. Do-over. I said in my image." And then he got straight to work on this business right here. Now kiss me! Sal: Attention, staff. Will Chet the paramedic please stop whatever he's doing and report to the E.R.? Lola: Damn it! The button! [ Scoffs ] Ugh! Oh... aahh! Okay, what?! Oh, God. Oh, come on! This is a children's hospital! Move it! [ Rapid beeping ] [ Beeping stops ] [ Sighing ] Ohhh! This is really pushing my buttons. [ Laughs ] But it is. Glenn: Valerie, Blake is never gonna believe that he ate this girl. Valerie: I know. We'll hide her under the bed and we'll coat the inside of his mouth with food. That way, he has a taste in his mouth. Do you have food on you? I have breath mints and half a hot dog. Which one do you think tastes more like people? Glenn: Hot dog, but there's a larger issue here. You're clearly obsessed with Blake. I mean, sure, you make fun of him, but you're logging a lot of hours doing it. And now she's gone again. Sal: The hospital is currently on lockdown. If you are seen leaving the room you are in, you will be fired. Lola: [ Groans ] [ Sighs ] I wonder if that's a size 4. Hmm. Awesome. [ Grunting ] Owen: No! No, Maxine, I can't do this. Lola's my girlfriend. Plus, it's worth mentioning that your mouth tastes like people. What kind of mints do you use? Dr. Spratt: Hot-dog mints. Why? Lola: Oh, Owen. Dr. Spratt: You're choosing that over me? Owen: Yes, Maxine. Lola is the one for me. Sure, you're prettier and you're smarter, and you're probably a better doctor, and you're younger and you're interesting... Sy: Can I help you, little girl? Ohhh. So, when your mother said she "lost the baby," she really meant she gave it to the agency to program in order to activate to kill me on my 60th birthday. You look a lot like her. This is no life for a little girl. You should be in a playground, being pushed on a swing by your daddy. And here's the worst part -- you're never gonna have a chance to tell your mom that I said hello. Owen: ...And you're fun and I'm happier when I'm around you than I am when I'm with Linda. Lola: "Lola." [ Alarm beeping ] Oh! Ugh! Damn! I really wanted to see where this was going. Got to go. Owen: And you're funny, we like to watch the same TV shows, and you don't wear those stupid glasses that she wears. [ Both grunting ] [ Rapid beeping ] [ Beeping stops ] Lola: What? I don't get it. There are no wires? What? This button wasn't even connected to anything. Or perhaps it was connected to everything. Lola: What? How did -- well, how are you...? Everything is connected, Lola. There can be no loose ends. Maybe everything starts out connected, and life is about trying to remember that. Valerie: I've realized it now. I'm in love with you. But the only way I can express myself is by doing really weird things to your mind. Blake: I know that now. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Ugh! Maybe we all started out connected. [ Both grunting ] And we're just trying to get back there. N-no, no, no. Let's not ruin this. Lola: I'm so sorry. It's fine. Dori: Aaaaaah! Sy: Dori. Dori! It's okay. It's all right. This is my daughter. I did this. Dori: Let me guess -- your wife sent her to kill you in her place? Sy: Well, that's exactly right. Dori: Oh, that reminds me -- I just needlepointed you a new tweed jacket. Sy: Thank you. Sal: Attention, staff. Remember, this is all taking place in a Puerto Rican midget's fart.	Plan: A: Sy's spy past; Q: What comes back to haunt him? Summary: Sy's spy past comes back to haunt him when his former partner returns to kill him.
DESTINY OF THE DALEKS BY: TERRY NATION Running time:25:14 [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Scan the prisoner for concealed weapons. DALEK 2: The prisoner is unarmed. DALEK: At my command, you will move forward. Any attempt to escape will be punished. No further warning will be given. Is that understood? Is that understood? Speak! Speak! ROMANA: Yes! I understand. DALEK: The prisoner will be taken to interrogation. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Commander, you must tell me what you're doing here on Skaro. It's vital. SHARREL: Why? What do you know of Skaro? DOCTOR: Well, I'll tell you when you tell me what you're doing here. SHARREL: Very well. I don't see why this should compromise us. Our mission is directed against the force known as the Daleks. A race of evil auto DOCTOR: Yes, thank you. Thank you, I know. SHARREL: You know the Daleks? DOCTOR: Oh, better than you could possibly imagine. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Answer. Answer! Answer! ROMANA: I don't know the answer. Please leave me alone. DALEK 2: Detector indicates truthful response. DALEK: We will continue. DALEK 2: You will not remove your hand from the sensor. DALEK: Statement. Your purpose in coming here was to sabotage Dalek operations. True or false? ROMANA: I don't know anything about the Daleks. DALEK: Answer true or false! Answer! Answer! ROMANA: False! False! DALEK 2: Detector indicates truthful response. DALEK: Statement. You are in the employ of a space power and have been sent here to spy on the Daleks. True or false? ROMANA: False! False, false. Leave me alone. DALEK 2: Detector indicates truthful response. DALEK: Standard interrogation complete. Report analysis of responses. DALEK 2: Analysis of responses indicates that subject is category nine. DALEK: Category nine subjects represent no threat to Dalek security. Release the prisoner. ROMANA: Does that mean I can go? DALEK: Humanoids are useful work machines. You have no other value. You will be assigned to labour force two. ROMANA: Labour force two? DALEK: You will obey all Dalek commands instantly. You will complete your work schedule. If you fail, you will be exterminated. DALEK 2: Obey all Dalek commands. DALEK: Obey instantly. DALEK 2: Obey without question. DALEK: Obey. DALEK 2: Obey. DALEK: Obey. DALEK 2: Obey. DALEK 3: Obey. Obey. Obey. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Commander, the Daleks. SHARREL: Yes? DOCTOR: I'm very familiar with their methods. It's vital I know what they're doing here. SHARREL: That is precisely what I would like to know, too. DOCTOR: But Commander, what AGELLA: The patrol has found a prisoner. SHARREL: Yes? Bring him in at once. TYSSAN: (to the Doctor) Starship engineer Tyssan, serving with the Deep Space Fleet out of the planet Earth. TYSSAN: By my timescale, I was taken captive two years ago, and since then I've been a prisoner of the Daleks. [SCENE_BREAK] ROMANA: How long have the Daleks been guarding you? VELDAN: A long time. I'm from the planet Sirian. The Daleks raided our settlement one day, took more than fifty of us. JALL: (woman) I was a civilian passenger on a space shuttle. The Daleks attacked. I was the only survivor. VELDAN: They keep their captives in a prison ship in space. Once you're there, your life expectancy tends to be on the short side. JALL: We thought we were lucky when we were picked to come on this mission. ROMANA: How many of you? JALL: About fifty. I thought there might be a chance to escape. ROMANA: Why didn't you? The burial party I saw wasn't guarded. VELDAN: Anyone attempting to escape and the Daleks kill five of those remaining. Escape plans are not as popular as they were. ROMANA: And the Daleks brought you here to do this? JALL: They've got huge machines to do the drilling, but when it comes to clearing up there's nothing as adaptable as a humanoid. VELDAN: And nothing as expendable. ROMANA: The Daleks would be far better off with machines for this job. JALL: Perhaps they just enjoy subjugating humanoid races. ROMANA: They used to be humanoid themselves. DALEK: Silence. Silence. Silence. You will remain silent at all times. VELDAN: Are you all right? ROMANA: It's the radiation. I've got to get out of here. JALL: We told you what happens if anyone tries to escape. VELDAN: You'll get out of here when you're dead. Believe me, that's the only way. When you're dead. DALEK: Keep away. VELDAN: But she's sick. DALEK: Continue with your work. Those unfit for work will be exterminated. VELDAN: The only way you get out of here is dead. DALEK: Proceed. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Tyssan. Tyssan, what are the Daleks mining for? Tyssan. Tyssan, what are the Daleks mining for? Come on. TYSSAN: They don't take prisoners into their confidence. SHARREL: You were on a work party. You fell unconscious. TYSSAN: I was left for dead. I've been on the run for days. DOCTOR: Yes. TYSSAN: I spotted you and the girl. DOCTOR: Good man, good man. Yes. Why didn't you speak to me? TYSSAN: I lost you for a while. Then I picked up the girl again. TYSSAN: She seemed afraid. She backed away and fell down a shaft. DOCTOR: Was she hurt? TYSSAN: She was alive. DOCTOR: Good, good. TYSSAN: But the Daleks got her. DOCTOR: What! TYSSAN: I went to help her. They took her away. DOCTOR: Come over here. Tyssan, it's vital I get into Dalek control. Can you show me a way? TYSSAN: You'd be taking a tremendous risk. DOCTOR: Never mind. Can you do it? TYSSAN: I think so. DOCTOR: Good. SHARREL: I quite agree, Doctor. We'll go with you. Agella, get some weapons. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK 5: Move away from the prisoner. Return to your work. VELDAN: She's dead. DALEK 5: Return to your work. VELDAN: Don't you understand? She's dead! DALEK 5: Return to your work! JALL: You can't just leave her here like that. DALEK 5: She will be disposed of when the work cycle is complete. Return to your work. You will obey. [SCENE_BREAK] TYSSAN: (quietly) Okay, it's all clear. Come on. DOCTOR: Go back now. No more chances. TYSSAN: No, I'll stay. I've nothing to lose. Ever since I was brought here, I've had an awful premonition I'd die on Skaro. DOCTOR: Well, you wouldn't be the first. SHARREL: But why should the Daleks come here, Doctor? What is the connection? DOCTOR: The connection? This is where they were created thousands of years ago. They ravaged the place and left it for dead, as you can see. SHARREL: That doesn't tell me why they should return. DOCTOR: No. No, indeed. Burrowing into the ruins of their own city for what? For what? Oh! AGELLA: You have an idea? DOCTOR: No. No, it'd be too fantastic even for the Daleks. We'll find all the answers we want in the control room. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Report. DALEK 2: Vertical drill three is in position. DALEK: Penetration to lower level will commence immediately. Order the drilling will continue until penetration is complete. DALEK 2: I obey. DALEK: Report. DALEK 3: Security sensors detect unauthorised movement in section seven. DALEK: Despatch units four and six to investigate. DALEK 2: I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK 4: Intruders! Intruders! Exterminate! Seek and locate! [SCENE_BREAK] TYSSAN: The main control centre, about five hundred metres up there. DOCTOR: Good. TYSSAN: The place will be crawling with Daleks. DOCTOR: Don't worry. SHARREL: You stay and cover this exit, Lan. We may need to get out of here in a hurry. DOCTOR: Are you three coming? [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK 5: Work schedule complete. You will return to internment area. You, you, remove the body. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Report. DALEK 4 (OOV.): Units four and six. Investigation of section seven commencing. DALEK: Proceed. I will advise. SHARREL: Agella, cover this entrance. DOCTOR: Tyssan. Tyssan! TYSSAN: Explosives and timers. Powerful, too. They use them in the excavations. DOCTOR: That looks interesting. DOCTOR: Ah ha. Floor plans of the old Kaled city. TYSSAN: Kaled? DOCTOR: Yes. Never mind about that. This is the first underground level where we are now. DOCTOR: That's the second. And if I'm right, the Daleks have penetrated to level there. Which means that their objective must be the third section. SHARREL: Yes, but what is it? DOCTOR: I have an uneasy feeling I know. Now. That's odd. There's no plan of the fourth level. TYSSAN: Perhaps it's been destroyed. DOCTOR: Yes. Yes. There's a shaft leading directly from the surface to the fourth level which the Daleks can't possibly know about, otherwise they would have come from the surface to the fourth level and burrowed to the third. I wonder. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK 6: Advise control. Intruder located and exterminated. DALEK 4: I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] AGELLA: Daleks. DOCTOR: What? Stay calm. DOCTOR: Quick, take cover! DOCTOR: Come on! DALEK: Intruders! Intruders! DALEK 2: Exterminate! [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK 2: Intruders! Intruders! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Let me see. AGELLA: No. DOCTOR: I'm a doctor. AGELLA: He is dead. DOCTOR: He is? SHARREL: We cannot allow aliens to see us in death. It is against, against our code of honour. I'm sure you understand. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, of course. It's a privilege to meet such honourable people. Let's keep moving. TYSSAN: What's all that about? DOCTOR: I don't know. It'd be fascinating. Shush. Shush. [SCENE_BREAK] SHARREL: Quick, hurry up the shaft. TYSSAN: What about your friend? DOCTOR: Don't worry, don't worry. I don't give up easily. DOCTOR: After you. SHARREL: No, Doctor, after you. DOCTOR: You're too kind. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Seek, locate, exterminate. Seek, locate, exterminate. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: If you're supposed to be the superior race of the universe, why don't you try climbing after us? Bye, bye. DALEK: Guard this position. I will inform control. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Romana. Ha ha! I thought you were dead. ROMANA: Well, the only way to escape the Daleks was to feign death. It's lucky they didn't know I was a Gallifreyan. DOCTOR: Good girl. TYSSAN: Gallifreyan? ROMANA: Yes, they taught me at school how to stop my hearts. TYSSAN: Hearts? How many have you got? ROMANA: One for casual, one for best. DOCTOR: Excuse me. SHARREL: Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes? SHARREL: Where are you going? DOCTOR: Dalek hunting. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Now, if I'm right, there's a shaft in here that the Daleks don't know about leading straight to the bottom level. If I'm right. DOCTOR: Ah ha. I'm right. Now, if the Daleks are looking for what I think they're looking for, we've got to get there first. We don't all need to go. Why don't you two go back to your ship and wait for us? SHARREL: No, Doctor. I will go back to the ship. Agella will go with you. We're as anxious to find what the Daleks are looking for as you are. DOCTOR: All right. Come on, let's clear the entrance. [SCENE_BREAK] TYSSAN: How did you know how to get into this level? DOCTOR: Call it local knowledge gained a long time ago. (to Romana) You gave me quite a start back there, you know. They've started drilling again. Now listen, we don't have much time. If I'm right, we should go this way. TYSSAN: What is it we're looking for? DOCTOR: Same thing as the Daleks. TYSSAN: What's that? DOCTOR: I'll tell you when I find out. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Report. DALEK 2: Combat units continuing intensive search. DALEK: Hostiles must be located. Seek, locate, exterminate. Seek, locate, exterminate! DALEK 2: Drilling has recommenced. Computer predicts penetration into objective area is imminent. DALEK: Advise space command that our mission is almost complete. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Just as I thought. AGELLA: A humanoid? DOCTOR: Yes. Davros, the evil genius who created the Daleks. AGELLA: He created the Daleks? DOCTOR: Yes. I could have stopped him. TYSSAN: This creature looks as though he's been dead for centuries. DOCTOR: Yes. Curious the tricks time plays on one, isn't it. AGELLA: So that's what the Daleks have been looking for. Their creator. DOCTOR: Yes. DOCTOR: Romana, I was right. TYSSAN: Doctor, they're breaking through.	Plan: A: the Dalek's home planet; Q: What is Skaro? A: the Doctor; Q: Who starts to question the reason for the Movellans being on Skaro? A: Romana; Q: Who is captured by the Daleks? Summary: After discovering that the world they are on is the Dalek's home planet of Skaro, the Doctor starts to question the reason for the Movellans being there. Meanwhile, Romana is captured by the Daleks.
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] Emcee: (V.O.) Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for the Comedy Hole's very own Michael Borland. (The audience applauds.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE - STAGE -- NIGHT] (MICHAEL BORLAND is on stage doing his act.) Michael Borland: Look, look, the Kennedys killed Marilyn Monroe. I'm pretty sure the gunman in the grassy knoll was either Arthur Miller or Joe DiMaggio. "Bang my wife...?" (He imitates a gunshot. There's sparse laughter in the audience.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEYWAY OUTSIDE COMEDY HOLE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (DOUGIE MAX is outside in the alley facing the wall behind the trash cans. It's obvious that he's busy doing something. He's murmuring to himself, rehearsing for his act.) Dougie Max: (sotto voce) "Hey, if you'd have me, I'd ask you to marry hell, somebody's got to clean my apartment." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE - STAGE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] Michael Borland: Hey, how many of you people know the theme to Gilligan's Island? (The audience applauds.) Michael Borland: All right. Now, how many of you can recite the Bill of Rights? (The audience doesn't respond, unsure of the connection between the two.) Michael Borland: That's-that's-that's ... who cares? It's really not that important. We don't use it anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEYWAY OUTSIDE COMEDY HOLE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (DOUGIE MAX is facing the wall and mumbling to himself, still going through his act. He laughs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE - STAGE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] Michael Borland: I hear a lot of folks saying, "you know, if it wasn't for the us, the, uh, French would be speaking German." (There's mild applause from the audience.) Michael Borland: Yeah, well, if it, if it wasn't for the French, you'd be speaking Cherokee. (The audience doesn't applaud. He's lost them.) Michael Borland: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt your brains? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEYWAY OUTSIDE COMEDY HOLE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (DOUGIE MAX finishes up his rehearsal.) Dougie Max: (sotto voce) "That's my time, everybody. Tip for the night: If you don't know what you're doing, don't do it harder. Good night, everybody!" (DOUGIE MAX laughs hysterically at his own joke. He looks down.) Dougie Max: Zip me up. (He sighs and a loud zipper sound is heard. The WAITRESS rises between DOUGIE and the wall.) Waitress: Anything else? Dougie Max: Yeah. Laugh. (DOUGIE steps backward and opens the door back into the Comedy Hole.) Michael Borland: (V.O.) It recently came out that Jesus could've had siblings. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE -- BACK HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (DOUGIE MAX bursts in through the back hallway and starts waving to the people as he makes his way to the main room.) Michael Borland: (V.O.) Could you imagine growing up having Jesus in your family? "Why can't you be more like your brother?" Dougie Max: (to the man) What's up, Dude? Michael Borland: (V.O.) "Uh, 'cause he's the Messiah. He's the Son of God." Dougie Max: (to the woman) Hi, Lis. All right! Michael Borland: "When your brother's home, we always have wine." Alan: (to DOUGIE MAX) Caught your act on the tube last night. You knocked them out. I had to turn up the volume, I was laughing so loud. Dougie Max: This art exhibit get any laughs? Alan: Hey, come on, you're my only headliner, you know that. (MICHAEL sees DOUGIE head for the stage and he wraps it up.) Michael Borland: Well, I'm Michael Borland, and that's my time ... (The audience doesn't applaud.) Michael Borland: ...and that's your silence. All right, now, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the headliner this evening ... (The audience comes alive and starts to cheer. Rock music starts playing in the background.) Michael Borland: ... a man I'm sure you know from his hit TV show, "Dougie to the Max", Mr. Dougie Max! (The audience cheers. DOUGIE MAX makes his way to the stage from the back of the audience. He shakes people's hands as he passes them by. MICHAEL BORLAND puts the mike back on the stand and applauds, too. DOUGIE MAX stands up on stage and gives MICHAEL BORLAND a hug.) Michael Borland: Hey, man ... Dougie Max: (to MICHAEL BORLAND) Remember when I used to open for you? (The rock music continues to play. The audience is ready for him. He takes a bottled water from the side and drinks.) Dougie Max: What's up, Vegas?! (He looks around the audience and spits out the water at them. He drops the water bottle.) (The audience continues to cheer and applaud.) Dougie Max: Hey, kid, it's a cruel world! (The audience cheers and applauds. He tosses and twists the mike. He catches it.) Dougie Max: Ain't it great?! Bam! FLASH TO WHITE: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE -- NIGHT] (BRASS leads CATHERINE and GRISSOM through the hallway to the main room where the body is.) Brass: Welcome to the tragedy hall. Hey, you hear the one about the comedian who died onstage? (beat) Literally. Catherine: Buh-du-bum. Brass: I'll be here all week. Catherine: Maybe he slipped on a banana peel. Brass: Buh-du-bum. Catherine: Hmm. Brass: Crowd thought it was part of his act ... till he didn't get up. (They finally reach the stage where DOUGIE MAX is.) Catherine: Hi, David. David: Hey, Catherine. (CATHERINE kneels down next to the body and visually examines it.) Catherine: Well, there's no foam on the mouth. No discoloration around the lips. Pupils aren't dilated. No overt evidence of a drug overdose. Grissom: When was the last time a comedian died of natural causes? David: Clenched fist ... classic levine sign. Grissom: He's awfully young for a heart attack. (GRISSOM walks around CATHERINE and toward the center of the stage.) Brass: Well, live fast, die young ... I forget the rest. Grissom: (shouts out to the back of the room) Excuse me! Could someone turn down the house lights, and turn up the stage lights? Thank you. (The house lights turn down. The stage lights turn up.) Grissom: I want to see what he saw ... right before he died. Catherine: What do you see? Grissom: Nothing. Catherine: What are you looking for? Grissom: A punchline? Brass: Buh-du-bum. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE - MAIN ROOM -- NIGHT] (The coroner's office wheels the body through the room past the various performers. THE COMEDIAN - [played by GILBERT GOTTFRIED] -- watches the gurney as it passes by him. MICHAEL BORLAND sits at the bar nursing his drink.) [GILBERT GOTTFRIED]: See, here's a switch. They've got him rolling in the aisles. Well, I guess he's off to a better place. Michael Borland: (mutters) Any place would be better than this dump. Alan: (offended) Hey, hey, hey! Michael Borland: Sorry, Alan. I didn't see you. Alan: At least Dougie put laughter in the air and asses in the seats and drinks on the tab. (to BRASS) I loved that guy. Took me fifteen years to find the next Kinison, and the minute I do, he gets a sitcom. Now I have to pay him a king's ransom to come back here once a year, and this is where he started. (laughs) Figures the bstrd would die on me. You know, I-I should put up a sign, you know, like in Dealey Plaza, "Kennedy shot here," "Dougie Dropped here." (THE BARTENDER approaches ALAN.) Bartender: Hey, Alan, you got a spot open now. What do you say tomorrow you give me some time? Alan: You got a job. You want to keep it? (THE BARTENDER turns away.) Alan: (to BRASS) Dougie was a hack with hack material who caught a break and never let anybody forget it. Oh, you want suspects? (He turns around and points to the wall of pictures behind him.) Here, check out the wall. Any one of these guys'd kill to have his stage. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE - GREEN ROOM -- NIGHT] (The door opens and CATHERINE walks into the green room. She starts looking around. On the counter is a coffee grinder and various other drinking rubbish littering the countertop. ) (CATHERINE kneels down and checks out the food platter on the table. The card reads: DOUGIE MAX. She picks up a toothpick with a chunk of Spam (c) on it and smells it. She puts it down.) (On the table below under the food platter, she finds remnants of white powder. She checks it out.) Catherine: Oh, china ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE - CENTER STAGE -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM kneels next to the stool with the bottles of water on it. GRISSOM has to collect the water and the bottles. BRASS stands in front of him watching.) Grissom: Six bottles of Innoko water. Three partially filled, three unopened. Brass: Don't go Cousteau on me here. It was all part of his shtick. He was like Tarkanian with the towel. You know, always biting and pacing. Dougie's mantra was, "It's a cruel world. Ain't it great?" (GRISSOM doesn't say anything.) Uh, it was low-brow. Strictly chug-and-belch. Grissom: Laughter is an involuntary motor response triggered by survival issues: Food, sx, body functions ... death. Brass: Yeah, it's a cruel world. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE - HALLWAY TO THE MAIN ROOM -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE questions ALAN, the club owner.) Catherine: So, who has access to the green room? Alan: Well, according to who? According to me, just the talent. According to these meat sticks -- the world. (ALAN and CATHERINE reach the main room where the performers are.) Catherine: All right. I would like to see everyone's wallet. I don't need to see your identification. Just open your wallets. (MICHAEL BORLAND gives CATHERINE his wallet. She looks at it.) Michael Borland: Uh, it says I'm 180 pounds, but I'm 145. I know that, in Nevada law, if there's a 25-pound discrepancy, that ... that's actually against the law. (CATHERINE hands his wallet back to him.) Catherine: (to MICHAEL BORLAND) Thank you. (She looks at THE BARTENDER'S wallet, then hands it back to him.) Catherine: Thanks. The Bartender: You're welcome. [GILBERT GOTTFRIED]: (points to something in his wallet) In this one I'm wearing a thong. (THE BARTENDER laughs at the joke.) Catherine: That's more than I needed to know. Thank you. (CATHERINE hands his wallet back to him. She looks at the WAITRESS' wallet. She finds the white power on the edge of the credit card.) (Quick flashback to: [BOTTOM CAMERA ANGLE UPWARD UNDER THE GLASS TABLE TOP] THE WAITRESS is cutting the cocaine on the table using her credit card. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: When was the last time you used this credit card? Waitress: What? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COMEDY HOLE -- NIGHT] (The doors open. BRASS and an OFFICER escort the WAITRESS out of the building. The WAITRESS is in handcuffs. In the background, the sound of a car revving its engine can be heard.) (They put the WAITRESS into the police car.) (BRASS looks and sees someone he recognizes, GEORGE STARK. GEORGE STARK exits his brand new red Ferrari, which is parked across the street. BRASS stands there and watches as GEORGE STARK hands the keys to the valet, then escorts the beautiful blonde woman into the restaurant.) (BRASS doesn't look thrilled to see that. In fact, he looks very thoughtful.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (ROBBINS goes over the body findings with GRISSOM.) Grissom: C.O.D.? Robbins: Myocardial necrosis. Just what you'd expect from a heart attack, only I didn't find any blockages consistent with coronary disease. He was remarkably healthy for a dead guy. Grissom: Well, Dougie Max had more than comedy in his blood. Tox came back positive for coke. Robbins: The answer is ... the three main ways to take cocaine. (GRISSOM sighs and turns to look at ROBBINS.) Grissom: All right, "Alex". What is: Snorting it, smoking it, or injecting it? Robbins: Very good. The answer is normal nasal passages, clear lungs, and no track marks on the body. Grissom: Continuing this childish metaphor ... what is: How did the drugs get into his system? Robbins: We'll have to wait for Final Jeopardy. (GRISSOM sighs dramatically, shakes his head and turns to leave the room. ROBBINS continues to polish his cutting tools.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (CATHERINE interviews the WAITRESS in the presence of the WAITRESS' LAWYER.) Lawyer: My client has agreed to plead to possession and answer any questions. Nothing she tells you can be interpreted as criminal intent ... Catherine: Well, that's between you and the D.A. The preliminary tox screen on Dougie Max came back positive for cocaine. Waitress: Dougie was in a program, okay? It was my cocaine. He wasn't using. Catherine: It was in his blood. Waitress: Well ... Dougie always liked to do a little hum-and-coke before a show. (Quick flashback to: During MICHAEL BORLAND'S show, DOUGIE MAX and the WAITRESS go outside. DOUGIE drops his pants, the WAITRESS kneels down in front of him. She puts a little bit of coke on her fingernail. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Cocaine on the foreskin, or any skin, for that matter, is not a stimulant; it's a numbing agent. Waitress: Right. That was the idea. You see, the goal wasn't to pop the cork. It was to ... shake the bottle. Catherine: Sounds frustrating. Waitress: Dougie liked to go out on stage frustrated. (Quick flashback to: DOUGIE is on stage and fired up to do this act.) Dougie Max: (loudly and into the act) I ran away from home at age 25. I drank... and I whored ... (The audience cheers.) Dougie Max: ... and I got my own show! (The cheers get louder.) Dougie Max: Yeah, Dougie to the Max, bee-yatch! (The audience roars with him.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Waitress: Gave him an edge. That was Dougie's philosophy: Go in hot ... burn the place down. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOUNGE ] (NICK is pouring himself a cup of coffee. BRASS walks in carrying a file folder.) Brass: Oh, you're making coffee. Good. I could use some. Nick: How do you take it? Brass: Today, high-octane black. I need your help with something. (NICK hands BRASS a cup. NICK takes a seat at the table.) Nick: Shoot. Brass: A few weeks ago, homicide gets called to Green Valley. A woman in her 40s slips in the bathtub and drowns. You know, cracked skull, raccooned eyes -- I mean, a traumatic death, but nothing suspicious. Nick: CSI found what? Brass: I didn't call them in. I ruled it an accident. Nick: What changed? Brass: Last night I saw the husband out on the town. I mean, I could tell you something, Nick. Three weeks ago, this guy was devastated. (Quick flashback to: BRASS interviews GEORGE STARK in the bathroom. GEORGE STARK is sitting hunched over on the tub edge. BRASS listens to him.) George Stark: (sobbing) I should've been here. What am I going to do? I mean, she was my life. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: Onward and upward. Brass: No, but this is way upward. I mean, trades in his beat-up old Acura for a brand-new Ferrari. He's with a girl who gives more lift-off than-than Cape Canaveral. Nick: (chuckles) People grieve in different ways, man. Brass: No, I understand that. I got no problem with that. I'm not a priest. That's why I called the life insurance carrier. And check this out. (BRASS sits down at the table.) Brass: The morning ... Shelley Stark ... was found, George Stark made a call to the life insurance agent. Went like this: "My wife is dead. I want my money." I mean, just like that. All in one breath. Nick: (nods) What's the payout? Brass: $750,000. Now, I got the police report, autopsy protocol, detective summary, and scene photos. (BRASS puts down a "Las Vegas Police Department Homicide" file folder flat on the table. NICK looks at it, then looks back at BRASS.) Nick: You sure you're not looking for Grissom? (BRASS stands up.) Brass: I'm chasing something that Gil Grissom isn't interested in -- a hunch. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (CATHERINE and GRISSOM walk through the hallway.) Catherine: I don't have to run any tests. You cannot absorb enough cocaine through your pen1s to OD. Grissom: Cite your source. Catherine: I don't have a source. Grissom: That's why we did the tests. Catherine: Whatever. (GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk into GREG'S LAB. GREG looks up from his work, sees them and smiles.) Greg: All right, who wants it? (GREG waves the test results in front of them. CATHERINE takes it. She and GRISSOM both look at it.) Catherine: Cocaine levels are less than .05 milligrams per liter. Way too low. That's not what killed him. Grissom: So what did? Greg: Well, according to your blood sample, naratriptamine. Grissom: The new migraine medication? Greg: Mm-hmm. Powerful stuff. Catherine: And what were the levels in the vic? Greg: 30 milligrams-- 12 times the recommended dosage. Catherine: Ooh. Dougie Max was poisoned. Greg: To the Max. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (NICK and SARA sit side by side as they go through the file contents. NICK hands SARA a photo.) Sara: Cop shots. No rulers, no markers. Nick: Just a bathroom, a towel bar, and a dead woman. (Quick flashback to: [THE STARK'S BATHROOM] From the photo: As if the camera were on backward, the towel bar jumps up from the filled bathtub and fuses itself to the bathroom wall. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Injuries are consistent with an accident. Nick: Yeah, but the contusion to the back of the head was not fatal. (SARA looks at the photo taken of the back of SHELLEY STARK'S head.) (Quick flashback to: [THE STARK'S BATHROOM] Camera view runs backward. SHELLEY STARK rises from the water in the bathtub. The camera continues to run backward. SHELLEY STARK is standing in the bathtub. The camera runs forward. SHELLEY STARK falls backward and hits the back of her head on the bathtub. She's knocked unconscious and sinks into the bath water. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Abbreviated autopsy. Dr. Robbins oversaw. (Camera close up of a portion of the report. We see: STARK, SHELLEY Dr: ROBBINS CAUSE OF DEATH: DROWNING Sara: Cause of death: Drowning. It jibes with the husband's account. It jibes with the detective's account. There is nothing in this file that suggests anything other than an accident. Nick: I don't know, Sara ... other people's notes, other people's photos, evidence twice-removed. No CSI even got to look at it. (NICK looks at SARA. They look at each other. SARA knows where this is going.) Sara: (blinks) Do you want to go to the bathroom? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM and CATHERINE sit across the lab table with a table full of consumables in jars in front of them. GRISSOM puts on his gloves.) Grissom: Consumables from the club that matched Dougie's stomach contents. We know that he had naratriptamine in his system, and we also know that the poison was ingested. Catherine: (picks up the jar with the chunk of spam) Because Spam can't be absorbed through the pen1s, and if you ask me to cite my source ... (GRISSOM holds out his hand for her to stop.) Grissom: I'll take your word for it. (CATHERINE smiles.) (GRISSOM starts with the first water sample. The label on the bottle reads: INNOKO WATER BOTTLE 12 COMEDY HOLE CW (GRISSOM puts the water in a test tube.) (CATHERINE puts a sample piece of Spam in a test tube.) (GRISSOM fills the second tube with an burnish color liquid.) (CATHERINE takes a sample out of the "PASSION FRUIT" jar and puts it in a test tube.) (GRISSOM takes a sample out of the "COCKTAIL" jar and puts it in the test tube.) (CATHERINE takes a sample out of the "CHOCO BEES" jar and looks at GRISSOM.) Catherine: "Death by chocolate" again? [Note: In reference to episode 3X01: Revenge Is Best Served Cold.] (GRISSOM looks back at CATHERINE.) Catherine: (smiles) Hmm. (She puts a piece of CHOCO BEES chocolate into the test tube.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GREEN VALLEY -- STARK RESIDENCE -- DAY] (NICK and SARA are at GEORGE STARK'S residence. SARA is out examining the red Ferrari parked in the driveway. NICK is talking with GEORGE STARK on the porch.) Nick: I'm Nick Stokes and Sara Sidle over there and we're with the Vegas Crime Lab. George Stark: (nervously to SARA) Miss, plea-please-please don't get so close to the car, all right? The alarm is really delicate. (SARA waves to GEORGE STARK that she understands.) Nick: We're not really as concerned with the car, sir. What we'd like to do is look at your bathroom. George Stark: Um, why, wha-what would you like to look at the bathroom for? (SARA continues to look at the red Ferrari.) Nick: Like I said, we're with the crime lab. We're here to tie up some loose ends regarding your wife's case. (SARA leans in close and looks through the driver's side window.) George Stark: I appreciate how thorough you guys are being, but ... I got ... I got to be honest. This is pretty painful territory for me. Nick: Right. George Stark: I mean, it's still pretty hard to get up in the morning without Shelley. Nick: I understand ... (SARA hears GEORGE STARK hedging, she turns around and deliberately knocks on the car window setting the car alarm off. Loudly. GEORGE STARK looks at SARA.) George Stark: Ma'am, Miss, I thought I ... (SARA smiles and waves innocently. Behind them, the women walking with their baby strollers stop and stare at the neighbor with the car alarm blaring. NICK looks around.) Sara: (smiling) Sorry. I-I-I-I'm sorry. I, uh ... your neighbors are looking. (Babies are crying in the background.) George Stark: I'll get the keys. (waves them inside) Come on. Come on in. (SARA heads for the front door. She smiles big time at NICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STARK'S RESIDENCE - BATHROOM -- DAY] (GEORGE STARK holds open the bathroom door for NICK and SARA.) Nick: It smells like fresh paint. George Stark: Yeah, I had the whole place redone this week. Bad memories. Nick: Did you replace the tub? George Stark: No. Nick: But you replaced the fixtures. Sara: There used to be a towel bar there. George Stark: Yeah. Sara: Would you by any chance have the old towel bar lying around somewhere? George Stark: No, the contractor tossed it. It was junk. Came with the house. This whole subdivision comes stock. In fact, the first thing the broker told me when I bought it -- if I ever want to sell, invest in upgrades. Nick: You selling? George Stark: Too big for one person. Nick: Thank you. Sara: Uh, thanks for your time. Mmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GEORGE STARK'S RESIDENCE -- DAY] (NICK and SARA walk out of the house and head for their parked car.) Sara: You pulled the plug kinda early. What's going on? Nick: Yeah, that bathroom's not the crime scene anymore. I say we go with the next best thing. (NICK looks across the street and sees the Open House banner on the MODEL HOME.) Sara: (smiles) Model home. Nick: (smiles) Model home. (They both head for the Model Home.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (GREG walks into GRISSOM'S office. Hidden behind his back, he holds a baggie of something.) Greg: (rhetorically) What do Socrates, Edgar Allen Poe, and Dougie Max have in common? (pauses for a beat) They all drank themselves to death. Grissom: You've isolated the source of the poison? (GREG sits down and puts the baggie with the empty bottle on GRISSOM'S desk.) Greg: Naratriptamine -- Innoko water bottle, number three. (Quick flashback to: On stage, DOUGIE MAX drinks directly from the bottled water. The audience cheers and applauds.) (Flash to white: Camera close up of DOUGIE MAX'S clenched right fist.) (DOUGIE falls to his knees. He has difficulty seeing with the bright lights. The audience continues to cheer.) Dougie Max: (croaks) Oh, god. (He falls down to the stage face forward.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: What about the other bottles? Greg: Clean. Grissom: Okay. I need you to process that bottle for trace impurities. Greg: Got it. Anything that might've mixed in with the poison could help us identify the original source. Grissom: We identify the source ... maybe we identify the killer. (GRISSOM picks up his pen, closes the file folder on his desk, picks that up, too, and stands up. He walks around the desk toward the door.) Greg: Where are you going? Grissom: To get a drink. (GRISSOM leaves the office.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MODEL HOME - BATHROOM -- DAY] (NICK puts a blue mat down inside the bathtub. SARA stands by the bathroom mirror and puts on a hard helmet. She fiddles with the strap under her chin.) Nick: Seventy-five units with seventy-five identical floor plans. I never thought I'd be grateful for cookie cutter homes. (SARA sits down on the edge of the bathtub and adjusts her helmet.) Sara: Like bees in a hive. Gives me the creeps. (NICK helps SARA with her helmet.) Nick: You sure you don't want me to do this? Sara: Are you kidding? I live for this. I mean, Shelley Stark and I are the same height and weight. Nick: Yeah, but you're taller, thinner. Sara: Oh, butter that toast, Nick. (NICK laughs. SARA gets up and climbs into the bathtub. She settles herself inside the tub as if she were taking a bath.) Sara: Okay, I'm Shelley Stark. Nick: mm-hmmm. Sara: My bath is over, and I'm about to get out, so ... (SARA puts her left hand on the edge of the tub. She puts her right hand slightly behind her and starts to push herself up.) Sara: I brace myself with my left hand, and I'm getting up at a 45-degree angle, and I slip... so, I grab the first thing that I can. Nick: Towel bar. Sara: Towel bar. (SARA scoots over and grabs the towel bar with both her hands.) Sara: Okay. So, at this point, all of my weight is being supported by this bar. Nick: (leaning against the wall) And it doesn't budge. Sara: No. (SARA starts tugging at the towel bar. She slips and falls backward into the tub. The towel bar remains on the wall. Towel bar-1; Sara-0.) (NICK laughs quietly. SARA turns her head and squints back at him. She's unamused.) Nick: You okay? Sara: (gruffly) Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine ... (SARA gets back up and grabs the towel bar.) Sara: (murmurs) This thing is coming down. (She clears her throat and gets a good grip on the towel bar. ) Sara: Okay. (SARA starts to tug at the towel bar. NICK stands off to the side and bits his lips at her efforts. He tries desperately not to laugh.) Nick: You sure you don't want me to do that? Sara: (tugging on the towel bar & insistent) No. Nick: Okay. (SARA has both hands on the bar and has given up all pretense of the bathtub scenario. She concentrates on taking that towel bar down. NICK stands off to the side with a big grin on his face as he watches her with the towel bar.) Nick: (drawls) Sara. (SARA grunts. NICK smiles. SARA gives up.) Sara: There is no way that Shelley Stark brought down this towel bar. Nick: You want me to give it a shot? (SARA sighs and climbs out of the tub.) (NICK climbs into the tub. He knocks on the towel bar with his fist. He pulls the towel bar up with both hands. He braces himself with his leg on the edge of the bathtub and continues to pull at the towel bar.) (SARA stands off to the side and watches.) (NICK grunts with effort.) (Finally. The towel bar comes off of the wall.) (NICK exhales.) Nick: Someone took a lot of effort to make this look like an accident. Sara: Yeah, about $750,000 worth of effort. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE -- NIGHT] (A COMEDIENNE is up on stage running through her act and completely bombing to an audience that gives her absolutely no response.) Comedienne: Okay, so you know the thing that drives me crazy about men? You know how they take the toilet paper and then they put it up on top of the holder. (CATHERINE smiles and glances at GRISSOM. They both stand at the back of the room leaning against the bar.) Comedienne: What is that? Do they not see that? Are they just busy looking at their underwear on the floor? (ALAN gets up and walks over to the light switch behind the counter on the wall. He flicks it on and off. A red light starts to flash.) Comedienne: I got a nickname for my man. I call him Mr. Drop-and-stay, 'cause if he drops it, man, it just stays there. (The COMEDIENNE sees the red light and wraps it up.) Comedienne: God, uh, ooh, well, and that's my time. Uh, you've been fourteen quiet people, six empty tables, and I'll see you in hell. (She walks off the stage.) Grissom: (points to the red light) Modern version of the old hook. (The turn around toward the bar. The BARTENDER walks around carrying a box.) Bartender: Welcome to open mike night, guys. What can I get you? Catherine: Information. (MICHAEL BORLAND looks up from his seat at the bar.) Michael Borland: (to the BARTENDER) Wow, your coffee stinks. Bartender: (without missing a beat) Oh, really. I'm sorry it's not up to the standards of your crap-ass home brew, but that'll be five bucks all the same, my friend. Catherine: Dougie Max's Innoko water bottles that were on the stage his last performance -- who set them up? Bartender: Yours truly. Bartender. Mr. Max had very acquired tastes. Lofty demands, you know. Six pristine Innoko water bottles, labels all facing the Luxor. And a green room? Forget it. Silver tray, spam, choco bees -- all blue. Not-not to mention that, uh, passion fruit stuff -- what is it, two bucks a pop? Try to find that stuff. Grissom: Let's get back to the water. It was poisoned. (The BARTENDER starts to bite his nails nervously.) Bartender: Really? Grissom: Mmm. The, uh, bottles you took out to the stage -- where'd they come from? Bartender: That... Dougie's private stash. Catherine: Well, besides you and Dougie, who had access to it? (Behind the BARTENDER, [GILBERT GOTTFRIED] THE COMEDIAN walks behind the bar and starts snooping around for something. He bends over looking at the counters.) Bartender: (confidently to CATHERINE) Nobody's allowed behind the bar besides the bar staff and me. ([GILBERT GOTTFRIED] THE COMEDIAN walks up to the BARTENDER from behind the bar. He immediately cuts into the conversation. ) [GILBERT GOTTFRIED]: But no one listens to him. (THE COMEDIAN holds out a capped beer bottle.) You got a bottle opener? Bartender: Hey, that's going on your tab, you Leech! [GILBERT GOTTFRIED]: (walks away) I'm scared. Catherine: Well, you've got a temper ... and a record. Assault. Club in Tucson. Bartender: Yeah, I had a temper, until I kicked the crap out of a heckler for interrupting my closing bit. Grissom: Do you get headaches? Bartender: I'm getting one right now. Grissom: We want all the Innoko water ... to go. (Without another word, the BARTENDER opens the cabinet and the camera lingers on the label on the box: INNOKO Natural Caffeine Free Water Bottled at the Source [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (GRISSOM catches WARRICK as he walks through the hallway. GRISSOM is carrying a slip of paper.) Grissom: Warrick ... this just in. D.B. at a convenience store on Torrey Pines. You're all I got. (GRISSOM gives the paper to WARRICK.) Warrick: I'm on it. (WARRICK leaves. CATHERINE catches up with GRISSOM.) Catherine: Oh, hey, listen. I checked the bartender's medical records. The guy's had six different prescriptions for migraines in the last two years. Guess which one he's on now. Grissom: Naratriptamine. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TORREY PINES -- SPEEDY MART-- DAY] (WARRICK walks into the store. On the floor in between the aisles is a body. WARRICK looks at the body then turns to the CASHIER.) Warrick: I'm Warrick Brown from CSI. You want to tell me what happened here? Cashier: I don't know. Kid walks in. He goes down an aisle. Next thing I know, he drops dead. (WARRICK turns around and looks at the dead kid. He turns back to the CASHIER.) Warrick: Where'd he start? (WARRICK and the CASHIER walk around the store.) Cashier: He was pacing back and forth, scoping the place out. I always spot those kids. People don't know. You consume food or drink in the store, it's the same as shoplifting until you pay for it. Warrick: What'd he steal? Cashier: A beverage. He put it back before I could catch him. Warrick: Where? Cashier: Over here. (WARRICK looks to the right of the aisle and sees nothing. He looks to the left of the aisle and finds a bottle of Innoko water. WARRICK takes out a glove and picks up the bottle. He looks at the bottle label and recognizes it instantly. Innoko water.) Warrick: (grimly) This isn't funny anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT./INT. SPEEDY MART-- DAY] (The Speedy Mart is taped off. A man wheels out a cart full of stacked boxes of Innoko water.) Catherine: (V.O.) Total recall. We pulled 140 bottles (Inside the store, CATHERINE is on her cell phone. She's at the back of the store and walking through the aisle to the front of the store.) Catherine: (urgently) ... of Innoko water off the shelves in this store alone. There's 500 convenience stores in Vegas. We need to get this product off the shelves now. Grocery stores, restaurants, wholesalers ... I mean not to mention the population of informing the people ... (WARRICK is talking with a woman in a business suit.) Warrick: ... right now, it looks like only your Innoko water product is involved. CSI is going to need the name of any recent firings, anyone with a lawsuit against the company, anyone who's made threats against the company -- anyone with an axe to grind. Catherine: (to phone) Yes, I know that we risk panic, chief, but I'd rather risk that than have another victim. (GREG walks into the store. CATHERINE looks up and signals to GREG. He walks over to her.) Catherine: (to phone) Hang on. (to GREG) We need to find out what's in there. (CATHERINE hands the bagged water bottle to GREG. She walks away.) Catherine: (to phone) I'm back. (pause) Yeah. (pause) Right. (GREG walks back out of the store with the bagged bottle.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (ROBBINS is working on a body. NICK and BRASS is standing there trying to convince ROBBINS to authorize an exhumation.) Robbins: I checked her lungs-- bath water. And the blow to the back of the head consistent with a fall. Besides, homicide reported that nothing at the scene indicated foul play, so, there was no reason to do more than an abbreviated autopsy. Brass: No one's impugning your work, doctor. Nick: Yeah, it's nothing personal, Doc. (ROBBINS takes something out of the body and walks to the scale.) Robbins: Well, this is personal, Nick. I tend to take my work to heart, and when the two of you come in here asking me to sign a court-ordered request for an exhumation of a body that's already left my hands, (ROBBINS dumps the organ on the scale.) I tend to take it very personally. Brass: Look, I'm the one who said Shelley Stark's death was an accident, and I'm the one with second thoughts. I mean, it's my ass on the line. Robbins: (getting angry) That's wrong, Captain. It's my ass on the line. I don't think the two of you are sensitive to what we're really talking about here. First of all, exhumations are costly and public. Makes this office look inept, and that's just internally. God forbid it gets in the newspaper. Remember something -- the public does not understand "abbreviated autopsy". All they hear is, "Oh, what did he miss?" Nick: No one's saying you missed anything. We have new evidence. We need to reevaluate the body. Robbins: (hard) Respectfully, Nick, I don't think you understand. Nick: I think I do understand. Brass: (quietly) Yeah, Nick ... give us a minute, will you? Just a minute. (NICK leaves the room. ROBBINS sighs. BRASS takes a step forward.) Brass: Neither of us want to be wrong, but this isn't about the press, the public, your office, you or me. This is about Shelley Stark. Now, we can do one of two things. We can do nothing, let this guy walk, or we can go to work, exhume the body, and find new evidence. Now, it's your call. (Camera holds on ROBBINS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GRAVESITE -- DAY] (The backhoe breaks into the grass at the gravesite.) (Dissolve to: Diggers starts to clear the area with shovels.) (Dissolve to: The coffin is raised from the hole.) (Cut to: The coffin rises under ROBBINS' watchful supervision.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (Camera close up of the computer. GREG is on the computer working on the water analysis. The computer read out shows: VICTIM: D. MAX DATE: 4/23 VICTIM: C. FLYNN DATE: 4/24 (The red spike for Naratriptamine flashes on screen.) (GREG absently raises the purple can to his lips. He stops and looks at it, stands, then throws it in the trash.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (GREG walks up to CATHERINE in the hallway and fills her in with the findings.) Greg: The poison in both bottles is naratriptamine. Same trace impurities in the water-- sulfides, phenols, amino acid complexes and caffeine. Catherine: So, we've got two bottles of poisoned Innoko water -- one from a comedy club on western, the other from a convenience store halfway across town. Greg: What's the connection? Catherine: There may not be one; it could just be random. Greg: So, how are we going to get this guy? Catherine: You know, they never caught the guy who put the cyanide in the Tylenol back in the '80s. They found out how the bottles were tampered with. That's where safety seals came from. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (GRISSOM tests the bottles to see whether there were any puncture holds in the plastic. In the back of the room, CATHERINE is looking through a scope. GRISSOM dunks the first bottle under the water and doesn't find any air bubbles/leaks.) Grissom: No injection holes in the bottle from the Speedy Mart. Do you see anything? Catherine: No, nothing yet. [SCOPE VIEW] (CATHERINE looks at the bottle cap under the scope and sees white crystals on the bottom inside cover. CATHERINE looks up.) Catherine: Wait a minute. It's in the threads. (GRISSOM pulls out the baggie with the bottle cap from the other water bottle.) Grissom: Would you like to try one from the Comedy Hole? (GRISSOM holds it out to CATHERINE. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (ROBBINS puts on his gloves. In the back of the room, NICK also puts on his gloves. DAVID is already gloved and is standing in front of the closed casket.) Robbins: Mr. Phillips, she's not going to hop out of that coffin by herself. David Phillips: Doc, I'm not quite sure how to proceed. (smiles) First exhumation. Robbins: Well, it's very simple. You will open it up. Nick: (deadpans) Now, if she grabs you, use your free hand and hold her down, okay? (DAVID seriously stares at NICK.) David Phillips: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [INSIDE CASKET POV] (NICK opens the coffin cover. The lid squeaks.) David Phillips: Wow. She's pretty well-preserved. Nick: Well, embalming does ... David Phillips: (getting enthused) ... removes the blood, retards bacterial growth, and, uh, pickles the tissue. Robbins: David, would you go to the store and buy some cold cream? (DAVID looks at ROBBINS.) David Phillips: Why? Robbins: Her makeup -- it's got to come off. David Phillips: (slightly disappointed) Oh. Okay. (DAVID turns to leave.) Robbins: Thanks. Nick: Thanks, Dave. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOUNGE/BREAK ROOM] (On the television set, the newsreporter from EYEWITNESS NEWS, PAULA FRANCIS, gives her report.) Paula Francis: (from tv) Las Vegas awakens today with a terrible realization that our city may face a new and deadly menace. (WARRICK is in the break room with LEAH, GREG and HODGES, who holds an open newspaper. They pause to watch the news report.) Paula Francis: Fifteen-year-old Casey Flynn collapsed and died this morning shortly after drinking a bottle of Innoko water at a convenience store near Torrey pines. Leah: What kind of sick bstrd would do something like this? David Hodges: The question isn't who -- it's how. As in how do they expect this lab to test forty thousand bottles of overpriced tap water? Warrick: If we have to, one bottle at a time until we find every tainted bottle. (Camera cuts back to the news report which shows the headline: PUBLIC PANIC. The camera has an outside view of the police outside the convenience store. Camera cuts to a close up of a LAS VEGAS POLICE CAR. Cut to: Innoko Bottled Water being re-boxed.) Paula Francis: (from tv) ... at the Comedy Hole. The events occurred on opposite ends of town, have not yet established a definite connection between the two deaths. But Las Vegas residents fear the worst -- that our city may be in the grip of a product-tampering nightmare. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- DAY] (GREG, WARRICK and LEAH sit at the table. HODGES is getting himself a cup of something.) Greg: (to everyone) You know how they tested for the cyanide in the Tylenol case? (to HODGES) Hodges? (quickly) One, two, three? (GREG imitates a buzzer.) Greg: They took it to the airport. They x-rayed bottles in bulk using baggage scanners. Leah: (smiles and nods) Nice. Cyanide is opaque to x-rays. (HODGES folds the paper that he's reading and takes the seat next to GREG.) David Hodges: Yeah, cyanide and x rays -- that's a lucky break. But any of you geniuses have a "lucky" test for naratriptamine? (CATHERINE rounds the hallway corner and walks in through the doorway.) Catherine: (interrupting) We've got a bigger problem than we thought we had. David Hodges: Why are you looking at me? Catherine: I'm not looking at you. David Hodges: Yes, you are. Catherine: (closes her eyes for a moment before continuing) We think that we nailed the tampering method. The poison wasn't inside the bottle. It was on the bottle cap. (Quick demonstration of: The person picks up the bottled Innoko water.) Catherine: (V.O.) We think that the killer dripped a solution of naratriptamine into the threads of the bottle cap. (The person drips the solution into the holds in the sealed cap sides.) Catherine: (V.O.) Capillary action pulled the solution into the threads, where it dried into white crystals. (End of quick demonstration. Resume to present.) Warrick: Oh, so, each time Dougie Max and Casey Flynn took a sip, the liquid came in contact with the threads and washed back into the bottle. (Quick black & white flashback to: DOUGIE MAX throws his head back and drinks from the bottled water. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Greg: And so the poison I found in the Innoko water was... backwash. Which means that we're going to have to take the caps off of forty thousand bottles. Catherine: Right now, that's the way it looks. Warrick: Great. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (GRISSOM checks out an empty water bottle. He picks up his glasses from the table and puts them on.) (Camera close up of the lot # on the bottle reads: ) PRD 03 FEB10 10:32 EXP FEB 2005 AN1WC NV5871 (He compares it to the lot # of the second bottle: ) PRD 03 FEB10 10:32 EXP FEB 2005 AN1WC NV5871 (They're exactly the same. He stands up and leaves the lab carrying the two bottles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM walks into the lab. WARRICK is there.) Grissom: I need to see the lot numbers of the bottles you pulled from the convenience store. Warrick: I got all the stacks arranged by locations, so the convenience store is right here. 140 bottles-- NV6630. (GRISSOM looks at the lot # on the bottle. It doesn't match.) Grissom: The tainted bottles didn't come from this lot. Warrick: Well, the bottle that killed Casey Flynn came from this store. Grissom: Somebody may have just walked in and put it there, though. Where are the bottles from the comedy club? Warrick: Over here. (WARRICK pulls out a box with the lot # stamped on the side of the box: PRD 03 FEB10 10:32 EXP FEB 2005 AN1WC NV5871 Grissom: These are a match. Warrick: So, the source of the poison bottles was the comedy club. Grissom: Maybe the killer wanted us to think it was random product tampering. Warrick: Why? Grissom: Cover up one murder with another? (GRISSOM turns to look at WARRICK. Camera holds on WARRICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (NICK and ROBBINS work on SHELLEY STARK'S exhumed body.) Nick: I've never seen one like this. Robbins: Embalming fluid's a witch's brew of formaldehyde, phenol, menthonol and alcohol, perfume and pink coloring agent. Nick: Kills the bacteria, but ... mold feeds on it? Robbins: Yeah. It's like bathing an infant, Nick. Soft and always in motion. (ROBBINS stops and takes a look at the body. Aware that ROBBINS has stopped working, NICK looks up.) Nick: What's wrong? I'm not doing it right? Robbins: No, you're doing fine. See the bruising on her back and her right elbow? Nick: It's consistent with her fall. But it wasn't in your report. Robbins: Well, it wasn't evident four weeks ago. Subtle bruising may not be evident ... (Quick flashback to: Top view of the body on the table as the body is being embalmed.) Robbins: (V.O.) ... at the time of death, but it can be accentuated by the embalming process ... (Cut to: The body is being embalmed. Camera moves in on the bruises on the back.) Robbins: (V.O.) ... after the body leaves my slab. This bruising would have meant nothing to the mortician. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: They're in the beauty business. Robbins: It's my job to spot them, their job to cover them. Let's turn her over. (cc) Got her? (cc) NICK: Yeah. Robbins: Here we go. (They flip the body over.) Robbins: All right, let's see what's under that makeup. (ROBBINS digs into the cold cream and starts to take off the make up. As they work with the cold cream, more bruises are uncovered. They find a lot of bruises suspiciously in the shape of a handprint.) Robbins: Bruises on her face. Nick: Brass was right. We are looking at murder. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY ] (GREG, GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk through the hallway.) Greg: Naratriptamine comes in tablet form. In order to get it in the solution, you'd have to grind it up. Grissom: There were traces of caffeine with the naratriptamine. Catherine: Right. But how did it get there? Greg: Maybe it got there during the grinding process. Catherine: There was a coffee grinder in the green room at the Comedy Hole. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY CLUB - GREEN ROOM] (GRISSOM picks up the coffee grinder from the counter. He looks at it before bagging it.) Grissom: Do you provide your comedians with or do they brew their own? Alan: Around here you get generic. If they want something special, they can bring a thermos. (When it's evident that GRISSOM'S going to just take the stuff. He throws his hands up.) Just take whatever you want, okay? (ALAN turns and walks out of the room.) Alan: Knock yourself out. (GRISSOM looks at the cartoon characterization drawing on the wall of DOUGIE MAX. It reads: Go Home! (in black), Screw You! (in white), Sell Out (in blue) $ Money can't buy you talent (in black) See out (in yellow).) (It's signed, Dougie Max. Below that is "Who?" in blue. Under that is written "It's a cruel world ... you suck!" (in black).) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY CLUB - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM stands in front of the memorial wreath set up in the front of the club with banners reading, "We'll miss you" draped on it. It has a photo of DOUGIE MAX in it with a star with the words, "It's a cruel world, ain't it?" on it. Under the picture is "March 28, 1968 - April 24, 2003.) Alan: That's the last picture taken of Dougie Max before he died. (GRISSOM takes out his glasses and puts them on. He leans in toward the picture. The camera zooms in on the red light in the background.) Grissom: Doesn't the red light mean, "Get off the stage?" Alan: No, the red light means "Get off the stage NOW." Grissom: So why were you giving Dougie Max the red light? Alan: (confused) He's my headliner. I wasn't giving him the red light. (GRISSOM walks around the counter and puts on a pair of latex gloves. He turns the light switch on and off. On the stage, the red light switches on and off. ALAN turns around to look at the red light switching on and off as it's reflected back on the wall behind the stage. He looks at GRISSOM.) (GRISSOM takes out his flashlight and examines the light switch where he notices some blood stains. GRISSOM looks at ALAN.) Grissom: We're going to need a sample of everyone's DNA. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY CLUB - BACK ROOM -- DAY] (CATHERINE and an officer enter the backroom to get the DNA samples.) Catherine: All right, gentleman. Good afternoon. Could you line up for me, please. Right up here, please. Michael Borland: Is this going to take a long time? I've got a 4:00 bikini wax that I don't want to miss. Bartender: I got to get my wig redone like in a half hour, so if we... [GILBERT GOTTFRIED]: I have plenty of time. I have no career. Catherine: Right, well, I can see you all know how to open your mouths, so ... good. (She holds up a swab.) Ready? ([GILBERT GOTTFRIED] deliberately shuts his mouth. CATHERINE sighs.) Catherine: Just give me an "O." [GILBERT GOTTFRIED]: I need a lot of foreplay. Catherine: Oh, well, then maybe I should use a rectal swab. [GILBERT GOTTFRIED]: Ah ... oh. (When he opens his mouth to respond, CATHERINE shoves the swab in his mouth.) Catherine: Good boy. (CATHERINE turns to the other two men.) Catherine: Okay, who's next for some foreplay (The BARTENDER is biting his nails.) Oh, a nail biter, huh? You mind if I see your hands? (He holds out his hands for CATHERINE to look at. Camera close up of the blood on his fingertips where he bit his nails down to the skin.) (Quick flashback to: DOUGIE MAX is on stage during his act.) Dougie Max: I'm one of eleven kids from twelve dads. You figure it out. (In the back of the room, The BARTENDER is flicking the light switch on and off.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Bartender: Yeah, I gave him the red light. What are you going to do, arrest me for distraction with intent to humiliate? I'm guilty. (He looks around at the other two men. Nobody laughs at his joke.) What? Are you kidding me? I was joking. Catherine: Funny. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (BRASS is interviewing GEORGE STARK in the presence of his LAWYER. BRASS is pacing the room as he explains why they're there.) Brass: You know, something about your wife's case never felt right to me. It bugged me, kept me up at night. It's not because you called your insurance company and filed a claim the next day. It's your policy; it's your right. It's not because you bought a new Ferrari; it's your money. Or because you're with a beautiful girl. I mean, you just lost your wife, you need some companionship. (he pauses) No. It's because of something you said. (Quick flashback to: GEORGE STARK has his head in his hands and is crying.) George Stark: (sobbing) What am I going to do? She was my life. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: You said, "She WAS my life." Not 'is'. George Stark: That's why I'm sitting here? Because I used the wrong tense at the time of my wife's death? Brass: No, hold on a minute. I've been a detective for half my life. I can count on one hand the times surviving spouses used the past tense, and I got to tell you, I'll be damned if every one of them wasn't guilty of something. (GEORGE STARK doesn't say anything.) Brass: Now, I mean, that's just me. I mean, in a court of law it means nothing. Nick: But ... this ... (NICK puts some photos down on the table, face up, one by one.) Nick: ... and this ... and this ... mean everything. The fact that you're left-handed doesn't hurt us either. Hurts you, though. (GEORGE STARK'S lawyer looks at the pictures and is puzzled by their unfamiliarity.) Lawyer: Wait a minute. I haven't seen these. Nick: New evidence. Body was exhumed by a court order. Second autopsy. George Stark: You dug her up. Nick: (nods) Mm-hmm. George Stark: I didn't give anyone permission to dig her up. Brass: You're a suspect in a murder case. We don't need your permission. George Stark: (to his lawyer) Can they do that? Lawyer: Yeah. Brass: (to GEORGE STARK) You killed your wife, George. George Stark: I loved my wife. Brass: And she loved you. Which is why she didn't react when you walked into the bathroom that night. (Quick flashback to: GEORGE STARK walks into the bathroom where SHELLEY STARK is taking a bath. He starts to help her with her bath by gently dabbing at her brow with a towel. She closes her eyes and relaxes in the water.) (He puts the towel aside, grabs her with his left hand and pushes her head under the water. She struggles. He holds her under until she stops breathing.) (GEORGE STARK reaches out and grabs the bath towel railing with both hands and rips it out of the wall.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: You staged the crime scene. Brass: You see, it's physically impossible for her to pull that towel rack off the bathroom wall. George Stark: It was an accident. You said so yourself. Brass: I was wrong. (GEORGE STARK shakes his head. His LAWYER shakes his head.) Lawyer: I see the pictures. I hear the theories. Still doesn't make my client a murderer. (NICK glares at the LAWYER and doesn't say anything.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- DAY] (GEORGE STARK walks out of the police department with his LAWYER. He laughs and looks up just in time to see the tow truck take his new Ferrari away. He runs after the tow truck.) George Stark: Hey! Hey! Hey! That's my car! What are you ... ? (BRASS and NICK walks out onto the sidewalk. GEORGE STARK turns around.) George Stark: What the hell is going on? Lawyer: This is harassment. Brass: We don't have enough to file charges, but the insurance company feels they got more than enough. Nick: Civil charges. Brass: Translated: That means they want their cheese back, man. They want their $750k. George Stark: They can just take my car? Brass: For starters, yeah. Nick: This isn't the end of our criminal investigation there, George. It's just the beginning. (NICK walks away.) Brass: That's present tense. (BRASS turns and walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (GREG reports his findings to GRISSOM. He stands in front of GRISSOM'S desk, while GRISSOM sits behind it.) Greg: The coffee you bagged from the club doesn't match the tainted Innoko water. That's the bad news. Grissom: Still listening. (GREG sits down on GRISSOM'S desk.) Greg: You know what I have that you want in the mornings? Apart from my devilish grin and rakish good looks, of course. Grissom: I like your coffee. Greg: No, no. You LOVE my coffee. And you want to know why? It's Blue Hawaiian. 40 bucks a pound, hand-picked ... Grissom: I know, the finest money can buy. Greg: No, not even close. Just let me get there. Now caffeine by itself is not distinctive. It's in all kinds of coffee by definition. Now the trace amino acid complex, on the other hand, is a signature. Grissom: Okay, so you've identified the type of coffee. (GREG hits his hand against the results.) Greg: Kopi luwak. The most expensive coffee in the world. Revered for its rich, chocolatey texture and made from the excrement of a small indonesian cat-like creature known as a luwak. Grissom: Cat feces? Greg: The luwak eats only the ripest beans, which pass through its digestive system intact. However, during the process enzymes break down a number of amino acids which cause bitterness. Grissom: (understands) And leaves a unique chemical signature. Greg: So whichever one of your suspects drinks kopi luwak is your killer. (GRISSOM looks down at the results and smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COMEDY HOLE -- NIGHT] (MICHAEL BORLAND is on center stage.) Michael Borland: We are a bashing nation. Gay bashing? You know what that is? That's guys going, "I hate you 'cause you're queer ... (he hits the mike in time with the phrasing) and you're gay, and you're kind of attractive ... and I would like to have sx with you but I'm in the closet so I'll just beat you up and then play with myself in my trans am on the way home." Heckler: Boo. (Looks up at the HECKLER.) Michael Borland: "Boo"? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. Hey, you know what? If that offends you, perhaps you should just come out of the closet and move on with your life. You're going to feel so much better. You know, you are what you hate. (Only one person claps ... pathetically.) Michael Borland: All right, um ... (He looks around to illustrate his point. He picks up the bottle of water from the chair and uncaps it ... and goes into DOUGIE MAX'S routine ... ) Michael Borland: ... mm, I'm a little dehydrated. I hope you don't mind if I replenish my bodily fluids. Mm... (He drinks from the water and spits it out into the audience. The audience starts to laugh. Some even start to applaud.) Michael Borland: It's a cruel world ... ! Crowd: Ain't it great? Yeah! Michael Borland: You know what you'd like? How many people would like it if I just, if I just dropped trousers right now and pee on Vin Diesel's head, huh? (The audience starts to get into it. They cheer.) Michael Borland: Wouldn't you like that? I'll do it! I'm willing to do it for you good people. I'll do it. (He reaches for his pants belt and zipper. He does it.) (Camera shifts to GRISSOM who watches the act with a grim look on his face. The audience cheers.) (Cut back to the stage. MICHAEL BORLAND refastens his pants while continuing his routine.) Michael Borland: Open wide. I'm flattering myself, ladies and gentlemen. You don't have to open up that wide. See, I'm implying I have a tiny, tiny pen1s. (MICHAEL BORLAND turns around and picks up his glass coffee cup from behind him.) Michael Borland: That's what that joke would be. Ergo, the comedy. I'm talking about penises. (He takes a sip of coffee from his cup. From the back of the room, GRISSOM sees this.) You just want to eat out of that toilet bowl. Yum, yum. (GRISSOM turns to the COMEDY HOLE OWNER and nods. The COMEDY HOLE OWNER heads for the back of the bar where the switch to the red light is. MICHAEL BORLAND sees ALAN reach for the switch. ALAN flicks on the red light.) (The audience cheers.) Michael Borland: Shut up. (The audience continues to cheers.) Michael Borland: Shut up. Don't you get it? Are you that stupid? I am making fun of you. I am the lowest common denominator in comedy when I do that crap. (The audience calms down.) Michael Borland: The only way I could get you to stop laughing now is if I went to every single table and slit every one of your throats. (The audience quiets down, confused.) Michael Borland: I can see that I am getting the red light, ladies and gentlemen, and that means it's time for me to stop. Stop with the hate and stop with the fear. Stop with the lies. Comedy, uh, comedy's supposed to be about The Truth. You know, uh, I killed tonight. And, uh, I killed ... uh ... two nights ago .... Dougie Max ... uh ... on this stage. (Camera cuts to: GRISSOM -- grim -- in the back of the room.) Michael Borland: 'Cause I despised everything he stood for. Dumb people, like you. (MICHAEL steps down from the stage and slowly makes his way to GRISSOM.) Michael Borland: You think I did a disservice to the world by killing Dougie Max? You ought to give me a parade. But the shame of it is, is that, uh, an innocent kid got killed, too, and, uh ... I blame you. (MICHAEL BORLAND points the mike to GRISSOM. GRISSOM doesn't crack a smile.) Michael Borland: Yeah, I, uh ... I didn't think you were going to get the joke. Grissom: Oh, I got it. (beat) It just wasn't funny. (GRISSOM grabs the mike away from MICHAEL'S hand. The officers put him in hand cuffs. Camera holds on GRISSOM.)	Plan: A: Catherine; Q: Who is Grissom's partner in the investigation of the comic's death? A: a comic; Q: Who was murdered on stage? A: Warrick; Q: Who is sent to a convenience store to investigate the death of a 15-year-old boy? A: 15-year-old; Q: What was the age of the boy who died in the convenience store? A: the same brand; Q: What brand of water did the 15-year-old die after drinking? A: Brass; Q: Who asks Nick and Sara to investigate a case he ruled an accidental death? A: a very expensive new car; Q: What did Brass see the 'grieving' husband in? Summary: Grissom and Catherine investigate the murder of a comic who dropped dead on stage after drinking from a tainted bottle of water. Warrick is sent to a convenience store to investigate the death of a 15-year-old boy only to find out the boy died after drinking the same brand of water. Brass asks Nick and Sara to investigate a case he ruled an accidental death after spotting the 'grieving' husband in a very expensive new car.
Degrassi - Hall Manny: It's called passion plain. Emma: Ooh, very hot. Manny: Speaking of hot... Sean: Hey. Emma: Hey. Manny: Oh, gee, I forgot. I have to go talk to Liberty. (She leaves) Sean: So, did you do that math assignment? Emma: Yeah, it was brutal. Sean: Yeah it was. So, it's Friday. Emma: Yup. Sean: Do you have any plans? Emma: No. Sean: Ok well, maybe we could hang out. Emma: Sure. Sean: All right. Cool. Well, I'll see you. (Manny cokes back after he leaves.) Manny: Ok, so, what'd he want? Emma: Manny, I'm not sure, but I think he asked me on a date. (They squeal with excitement.) Media Immersion (Emma and Manny enter.) Manny: This is so exciting, your first date. Emma: I know. Manny: And romantic. So, how'd he ask you? Emma: I don't know, he just asked me. Manny: Well, it had to be more than just "Oh, he asked me". Toby: Hey guys. I mean girls. I mean- Emma: Let's go sharpen our pencils. Manny: Great idea. Emma: Why couldn't just Toby, I don't know, like you instead of me? Manny: Forget about him and give me details, exactly what Sean said. Emma: Well first we talked about that horrible math assignment and then he mentioned it was Friday. I know kind of weird. And he said maybe we could hang out. Manny: Ok, and? Emma: Nothing. Just hang...out. Manny: Oh. Emma: This is a date, right? Manny: Of course... I think. Grade 8 Homeroom Ms. Kwan: (Holding up forms) These are permission forms for next week's bus trip to Stratford to see Romeo and Juliet. (There's a loud tapping noise being heard) Sorry, but whoever's making that noise please cease and deist? That means stop (It stops for a minute) Have a parent or guardian sign the form and enclose a check. (The noise starts again) All right, who's doing that? (She goes to Spinner who has his binder up and she finds out it's him and she takes it off his ears) Detention, after school. Spinner: What? But...Hey, you can't. (He tries to grab it from her and it falls to the floor) My Discman! Ms. Kwan: No, your fault, for listening to it in my homeroom. Keep wasting my time, Gavin, and I'll keep wasting yours. Gym (Emma and her class are getting ready to start class.) Manny: I'm sure he was asking you out. Emma: Well I'm not so sure anymore. And besides, even if he was, couldn't he have been a bit more romantic? Manny: Well here's your chance to find out. (Sean comes toward Emma so she stands up) Emma: Sean, about tonight. Sean: Yuh. (He walks away) Emma: Yuh? Sean! Mr. Armstrong: Okay today we're going to play some dodgeball. (Gives Emma the ball, and she throws it, trying to hit Sean and he looks shocked) Good arm Emma. (A guy throws Emma the ball and she tries to hit Sean again) Again, nice shot, but there are other targets you know. Hall (Spinner is at his locker, getting his lunch uniform.) P.A.: Grade 8 students that are interested in the Stratford field trip are reminded to talk to their parents this weekend and return your permission forms to Ms. Kwan. Jimmy, Ashley and Terri in the hall. Jimmy: Ms. Kwan's such a tyrant. Terri: Come on, Jimmy. Spinner let insects lose in the caf, Kwan had to do something. Ashley: So, who are sitting with on the bus to Stratford? Jimmy: My Juliet, of course. (They start kissing when Ms. Kwan shows up) Ms. Kwan: Miss Kerwin, Mr. Brooks. This is a school, not a petting zoo. Kindly disengage yourselves. Ashley: But we were just... Ms. Kwan: Would you prefer to take it up with the principal? I'm sure he'd be happy to discuss the finer points of the Degrassi Code of Conduct. You two may think you're adorable, but that doesn't mean anyone else does. (She walks away) Jimmy: Total tyrant. Cafeteria Sheila: Here you go, one lamb stroganoff. Spinner: Kwan did it to you too? Man, she's made it her mission to make our lives miserable. I wouldn't be working here if it wasn't for her. Jimmy: No, you wouldn't be working here if you wouldn't have dumped bugs in Ash's food. Spinner: A minor detail. Jimmy, you and I should join forces, get Kwan back. Teach her a lesson. (They look at Ms. Kwan eating lunch) Jimmy: No way man. We try to get revenge and I'll end up wearing a hairnet too. (He leaves) Sheila: Hey princess. Less talk, more work. Hall Emma: Manny, I have no idea what to do. Toby says Sean was just making conversation. Manny: You asked Toby about Sean? Emma: I know but I'm desperate here. Paige: Having a little boy trouble, Emma? Anything I could help you with? Emma: No, nothing's going on. Paige: Hun, your thing for Sean is more obvious than Heather Sinclair's bargain basement nose job. Do you want my advice or not? Emma: Ok, Sean asked me to hang out with tonight. Not go out, hang out. I thought he might be asking me on a date. I was wrong? Paige: Hun that's a date. Manny: Told you. Paige: Just in guy speak. Vague, short. Yes, no, grunt. Emma: Yuh? Paige: Yuh definitely qualifies. Em, it's Sean we're talking about. He's a one- syllable kind of guy. (Bell rings) Grade 8 English class Terri: Kwan's in a meeting with Raditch. She says to review Romeo and Juliet to get ready for our field trip. She'll be back soon. Spinner and Jimmy are sitting in the back when Spinner goes to the front of the room, pretending to be Kwan. Spinner: Okay class listen up. Shakespeare is the greatest writer, not just of his time, but of all time. Jimmy: But Ms. Kwan, if he's such a great writer, why is reading him such a big yawn? Spinner: Because you are a moron. (Everyone laughs) Jimmy: But Ms. Kwan... Spinner: And for being a moron, I punish you with a week's detention. Jimmy: A week's detention? Spinner: if you want to waste my time, I'll waste yours. (He sits down when he sees her coming) Ms. Kwan: Sorry I'm late. I know you're all anxious to begin. Shakespeare is the greatest writer, not just of his time but of all time. Even though some of you may find reading him a big yawn. Mr. Brooks, did you know Mr. Raditch's office has a direct link to this classroom? When you turn the intercom on, you can hear every single word that's spoken in here. Mr. Brooks, Gavin already has a detention tonight. You can keep him company. [SCENE_BREAK] Media Immersion (Emma sees Sean is on a computer like she is, so she writes him a message. It says: Sean, what's going on? He responds: Going on? Besides you hating me? She says: I don't hate you! Why would you think that? After reading it, he comes over to her.) Sean: Maybe because you tried to kill me in dodgeball? So you don't hate me? Emma: Of course not. Sean: So we're still on for tonight? Emma: Absolutely, if you want to. Sean: Oh, I want to. I'll pick you up at seven at your place. Emma: Great. See you then. (He leaves and she sighs with happiness) Spinner and Jimmy in Ms. Kwan's Class for Detention Jimmy: It's Friday afternoon and we're stuck here. So unfair. Spinner: Now do you think something should be done? Ms. Kwan: (Looks up) Guys, I'm teaching a night school course in three more hours. You don't want to join me, do you? (Spinner writes Jimmy a note and crumples it up and passes it to him. Jimmy opens it; it says "Tonight = Revenge". Jimmy nods at him.) The Nelson House (It shows Sean heading there to pick up Emma.) Inside The House (Emma is coming down the stairs.) Emma: Ok, which shirt do you like better, this one or the one I'm wearing? Spike: Both are great. So, your first date. I remember my first date. Emma: Let me guess, you're going to tell me all about it. Spike: It was awful. I was so nervous. I kept laughing like a hyena and I had the worst case of verbal diarrhea. Sorry, this isn't helping, is it? (Sean knocks on the door) I'll get it. (She opens the door and lets Sean in) Sean, hi. Sean: Hi Christine. Spike: Emma, your date's here. Emma: Hi. Sean: Hi. Spike: You kids have a good time. And be home by 10. (They start to leave) Wait. I almost forgot. (Grabs a camera) Emma: Mom. Spike: Just one photo that's all. Sean, take one giant step toward Emma. (He does) And cheese. (She takes the picture) Outside (They're walking down the stairs.) Emma: Sorry about my mom. Sean: No problem. Emma: So what do you want to do? Sean: Oh well we... Emma: I was thinking we could go see a movie or we could grab a bite or we could go to Playdium or there's this free concert in the park... Sean: Relax, okay? Whatever we do tonight, we're going to have fun. Emma: Right. Oh God, that was verbal diarrhea, wasn't it? (Bird poop lands on her jacket) Principal's Office at Degrassi (When the janitor leaves, Spinner and Jimmy sneak in the principal's office.) Ms. Kwan's Night Class Ms. Kwan: This test focuses on English verb tenses. You will write the test, you write the test, and in an hour you'll be able to say you wrote the test. Please begin. Principal's Office (Jimmy turns on the P.A. Spinner chews his gum really loud into the microphone.) Ms. Kwan's Class Ms. Kwan: Excuse me, but whoever's chewing gum, please spit it out immediately. It's disturbing the rest of the class. (She outs her book down, stands up and stares at the class, really angry. She hears Jimmy laughing from the intercom) (To the class) I'll be right back. (She goes to the office and tries to open the door, but it's locked, so she knocks on the door) Is anyone in there? Lou, have you seen anyone hanging around? (He shakes his head no) Would you mind opening this door for me? (He takes out the key and opens the door) (She goes in and turns on the light, but she sees no one there so she turns off the light and leaves) (When she leaves, Jimmy = Spinner come out of hiding) Spinner: Time for part two. (He picks up the phone and dials a number) Hi, I'd like to make an order please. Emma and Sean's date (Emma is carrying a tray of food to a table and sits down with Sean.) Sean: You didn't have to buy me dinner. Emma: Please, after going back to my house so I could change and have my mom take another picture of us, it's the least I could do. Sean: Well, ok. I'll get the movie. Emma: Deal. I got you a veggie burger, hope that's ok. Sean: Yeah, fine, as long as it's not a hamburger. Emma: You're a vegetarian too? Sean: Actually I love meat. But last summer I spent a month with my aunt and uncle on their farm. They raise cows for harvest. Emma: Harvest? Sean: Yeah that's a more polite way of saying slaughter. Anyway, I saw a couple of these cows get harvested. It was awful, the sounds, and the blood and guts oozing all over the place, and the smell, it was just...Sorry. I didn't really mean to... Emma: No, it's ok, really. Sean: Anyway, I figured if I couldn't handle watching them become meat, then I couldn't eat meat either. Emma: It's a good way of looking at it. I mean, so many people are hypocrites (we see a bit of ketchup on her chin) that way. They just pick up their meat at the supermarket in the nice shiny packages and don't even think about what happened to it before it got there. Sean: You got this blob on your chin. (Wipes it off) Ms. Kwan's Class (Someone knocks at the door; she goes to answer it.) Man: Yeah, 12 dozen-honey garlic wings here. Ms. Kwan: But I didn't order anything. Man: Is the number here 555-1950? Ms. Kwan: Yes. Man: And you're Ms. Kwan? Ms. Kwan: Yes, but... Man: Then you ordered this. That'll be $53.48 please. Ms. Kwan: There is no way that I am paying that. Guy: Ms. Kwan, I help pay. I have hunger. Ms. Kwan: I am hungry Rachesh. Guy: Ok. (Goes back to his seat with some of the food) Guy #2: I am hungry too, Ms. Kwan. Man: You're hungry man? You got money? Guy: Hey, Ms. Kwan, I will eat the chicken wing. I eat the chicken wing. I ate the chicken wing. Principal's Office (Jimmy and Spinner laugh and high five.) Emma and Sean's date (Emma is looking through her purse.) Emma: My wallet. Sean: I'm paying for the movie, remember? Emma: No, it's not that. My wallet was on the tray and then we threw out our stuff. Sean: You threw out your wallet? Emma: I don't know. I think so. (Sean looks in a garbage can and pulls out a thrown out burger, which he throws on the floor in disgust.) Sean: I think I got it. (A security guard shows up) Hi. She lost her wallet. Guess you kid of like us to continue this someplace else, huh? Outside - Ms. Kwan's Car (Jimmy and Spinner come outside with a bucket of eggs. At first, only Spinner is throwing eggs at the car.) Spinner: This is for making me spend every lunch hour in the cafeteria and this is for making me wear a hairnet in public. Come on, Jimmy, fire away. Jimmy: I don't think so. Spinner: You don't know what you're missing. (Throws another egg) This is for making me read Shakespeare in public. Jimmy: And this is for making me and Ashley feel like dirt. (Throws an egg) She comes outside, so they hide. When she sees her car, she leans next to it and starts to cry. Emma and Sean's date (Sean is looking for her wallet.) Sean: It's not here. Emma: Someone must have stolen it. Sean: Are you sure you left it on your tray? Emma: Of course I'm sure. I bought the meals, set my wallet on the tray... Sean: You almost spilled ketchup on it while you were eating... Emma: And then I...Oh no...Oh no... (Looks through her purse and finds it) Um, it's here. (She runs away after finding it) Media Immersion (Emma is showing her friends the pictures from her date with Sean.) Manny: (points to one photo) So this is pre poop (points to another one) and this is post poop. JT: I like your first outfit better. (Emma gives him a mean look) Emma: I'll be lucky if Sean ever speaks to me again. Manny: Emma, if Sean really likes you... Toby: He's not gonna let some bird crap, rotting garbage, and a couple of embarrassing pictures changes his mind, really. Sean comes in and over to Emma so her friends leave them alone. Sean: So, how's your wallet? Emma: Sean, I am so, so, so sorry about Friday night. He picks up one of the pictures. Sean: Could I have this? Emma: It's all yours. Sean: Thanks. (He leaves and she sighs a happy sigh) Ms. Kwan's Class Spinner: Oh, you should have seen the look on her face. I wish I had a video camera. (Imitates Ms. Kwan crying) Jimmy: It was pretty funny. Ashley: Sounds sort of cruel to me. Spinner: Look, whatever. Kwan asked for it and Kwan got it, big time. The bell rings and Mr. Raditch enters the room. Mr. R: Good morning, everyone. Ms. Kwan will not be here today or for the rest of the term. She's requested a leave of absence, which I've granted. So, I'll be filling in for her. Unfortunately, this means that we'll be canceling your trip to Stratford (Kids groan) Ms. Kwan wanted me to apologize to you for that. (Terri raises her hand and he silently says "Yes?") Terri: Is Ms. Kwan gonna be okay? Mr. R: Well, she's been under a lot of pressure lately. Her husband is very ill, the stress of that, and plus working full time, overtime really, was just too much for her. Right, open your textbooks and your malleable little minds. (The camera ends on Jimmy and Spinner looking sad.)	Plan: A: Sean; Q: Who asks Emma out on a date? A: the night; Q: What turns into one disaster after another? A: one; Q: How many disasters does Sean's date turn into? A: a stressed Ms. Kwan; Q: Who gives Jimmy and Spinner detention? A: revenge; Q: What do Jimmy and Spinner vow to do to Ms. Kwan? A: The pranks; Q: What is fun at first, but quickly turns cruel when Spinner decides to egg Ms. Kwan's car? Summary: Sean asks Emma out on a date, but the night turns into one disaster after another. Meanwhile, when Jimmy and Spinner are given detention by a stressed Ms. Kwan, they vow revenge by pulling pranks on her. The pranks are fun at first, but quickly turn cruel when Spinner decides to egg Ms. Kwan's car.
{{}} means inaudible, so uncertain. {} unknown word Narrator: "Hush, a special Buffy" A lecture hall. Professor Walsh is lecturing to Buffy and the class. Riley is leaning against a wall. Walsh: "So this is what it is.. talking about communication talking about language... not the same thing. It's about inspiration... Not the idea, but the moment before the idea when its {{total}} When it blossoms in your mind and connects to everything It's about the thoughts and experiences that we don't have a word for. A demonstration. Buffy, Summers, come on down {{to}} the front here." Buffy walks down. Walsh: "A typical college girl, one assumes." Walsh (to buffy): "Lie down on my desk" Buffy: "what?" Walsh: "Go ahead, you're perfectly safe." Buffy: "oh" Buffy sits, then lies on the desk but doesn't completely lie down. She is resting on her elbows. Walsh: "Riley, if you could oblige." Riley: "A demonstration, {{right/alright}}." Walsh: "Be a good boy." Riley leans over Buffy. He puts a hand on her waist. Buffy: "This feels very strange." Riley: "Don't worry. {{If}} I kiss you ((it'll}} make the sun go down." They kiss and the class watches. He brings a hand around her holding her up and she brings her arm around him and then to his neck. They continue to kiss and it gets darker. The classroom is empty when the camera zooms out from them. Riley: "See." She sits up Buffy: "Fortune favors the brave." Faintly a little girl is humming or chanting. Buffy: "do you hear that?" Buffy walks towards the sound Buffy eventually sees a little girl holding an ornate box in the hall. The little girl is still chanting: "Can't even shout Can't even cry The gentlemen are coming by looking in windows knocking on doors They need to take seven and they might take yours Can't call to mom can't say a word You're gonna die screaming but you won't be heard" Riley touches her from behind and she turns to see a horrific face wearing a dark suit. Buffy wakes up sitting next to Willow in a full classroom. Walsh: "So I'll see you all monday for a final review session" Willow: "Man that was an exciting class, hunh?" Buffy: "oh yeah well" Willow: "And the last twenty minutes was a revelation just laid out everything we need to know for the final I'd hate to have missed that." They both are getting up and leaving class. Buffy: "Just tell me I didn't snore." Willow: "Very discreet, minimal drool" Buffy: "Oh yea." Willow: "So were you dreaming?" Buffy: "yeah, it was kind of intense" Riley steps up from behind a column. Riley: "Intense, really? cause you seemed so peaceful." Riley walks with them. Buffy: "Of course it was only for a moment." Riley: "Right. Hey you guys headed over towards {Jud}" Riley: "Ah, student center" Riley: "Oh great. So this dream." Willow: "You know, you guys go I'm gonna do the thing." Willow: "So I'll see you after Wicca group" Willow: "Bye." Buffy: "Bye." Riley: "Bye." Riley: "So tell me about your dream." Willow sneaks over to eavesdrop through an opening. Riley: "As a psyche major I'm qualified to go 'hmmm'" Buffy: "I don't really remember it" Riley: "Well, did I appear at all in this dream?" Willow hides her face by reading a notebook when they get close. Buffy: "there might have been a cameo" Riley: "is that right?" Buffy: "maybe more like a featured role" Riley: "romantically?" Willow lowers the notebooks, smiles and heads away. Buffy: "I'm not saying a word." Buffy and Riley exit a building into a sunny day. Riley: "So what have you got going on {{for tonight}}?" Buffy: "Oh Patrolling" Riley: "Patrolling?" Buffy: "Eh, Petroleum" Riley: "Petroleum?" Buffy: "uh huh" Riley: "Tonight you have crude oil" Buffy: "{{and}} homework. What about you?" Riley: "Oh you know grading papers." Buffy: "Ah, that'll be fun." Riley: "Not petroleum fun but it passes the time." Buffy: "So I uh..." Riley: "Yeah... (exhales)" Riley: "I guess I won't see you until..." Buffy: "Yeah..." Riley leans down and is about to kiss her. Buffy: "What papers?" Riley (confused): "Papers?" Buffy realizes the moment is gone. Buffy: "Um, grading, what papers? We only have the final." Riley: "Oh, yeah. Um, no, I... Late, Late papers {{I gotta look at}}" Buffy: "Oh. Ok. Neat." Riley: "So..." Buffy: "Class." Riley: "I'll see you then." Buffy: "Yeah." Riley leaves. Buffy (petulantly): "Fortune favors the brave." [SCENE_BREAK] roll credit [SCENE_BREAK] Giles apartment. He is on the phone. Giles: " Can't even shout Can't even cry The gentlemen are coming by. Um, it sounds vaguely familiar. You're sure it's - nothing you heard when you were a child?" "Oh alright. Nothing else?" "Well i-it could definitely be one of your prophetic dreams or it could just be the eternal mystery that is your brain. But I-I'll check it out and um, I'll let you know if I find something." "Alright. Bye bye." Giles: "Have you heard of a group called the gentlemen?" Spike is walking in the kitchen, chewing and searching. Spike: "Group of what?" Giles: "The gentlemen." Spike: "Dunno." Giles: "You certain?" Spike: "No. We're out of wheat-a-bits." Giles: "We are out of wheat-a-bits because you ate it all - again." Spike: "Get some more." Giles: "I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood." Spike: "Yep. Well sometimes I like to crumble up the wheat-a-bits in the blood - give it a little texture." Spike has lain on the couch with a wheat? cracker, a cracker? bag and a jar of peanut butter. Giles: " Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again you'll just have to pick it up yourself." Spike: "Sissy." [SCENE_BREAK] Exterior of Giles' building. Xander and Anya are walking. Xander: "I don't get what this is coming from." Anya: "well, what am I supposed to think?" Xander: "Well, How could you say I'm using you?" Anya: "You don't care about what I think you don't ask about my day" Xander: "You really did turn into a real girl didn't you?" Anya stops. Anya: "See! You make jokes during my pain. You don't care about me at all" Xander stops and looks back. Xander: "I care about you." Anya: "How much?" (silence) Anya: "What do I mean to you?" Xander: "I... we, you know we spend... we'll talk about it later" Xander turns away and walks and they enter Giles apartment [SCENE_BREAK] Giles apt. As Anya walks through the door. Anya: "Well I think we should talk about it now." Giles: "Thank you for knocking." Xander: "if you don't know how I feel about" Anya: "I don't. This isn't a relationship you don't need me, all you care about is lots of orgasms." Spike sits up to look back with a wheat-a-bit in his mouth. Giles takes off his glasses. Xander: "ok... remember how we talked about private conversations and how they're less private when they're in front of my friends" Spike: "Oh, we're not your friends. Go on." Giles: "please don't" Anya: "this is important" Giles: "but why is it here?" Xander: "mom said you wanted me to swing by" Giles: "Oh, oh yes, well I meant uh after sunset" Giles stands and leans against his desk. Giles: "um I need you to take Spike for a few days" Xander: " What?" Spike: "What?" Anya: "What?" Spike stands Spike: "I'm not staying with him!" Giles: "I have a friend who's coming to town and I'd like us to be alone." Anya: "oh you mean an orgasm friend?" Giles: "Yes that's exactly the most appalling thing you could have said" Anya displays a ? I just spoke the truth? expression. Xander: " he's not roaming around - he stays with me he's gonna get tied up again." Anya: " What about us, our romantic evening?" Spike: "I'm not having these two shag while I'm tied to a chair three feet away" Giles sits and puts his hand against his head in exasperation during this. Xander: "That's not exactly one of my fantasies either." Anya: "so you're blowing off our evening because {unintelligible}" Spike: "{unintelligible}" Xander: "I don't want him to come {{either}} {unintelligible}" [SCENE_BREAK] A school? room with a group of 14 girls sitting on couches and chairs and (2 on sitting on the floor) including Willow. Students wander by and others sit studying. Wicca1: "We come together, daughters of Gaia, sisters to the moon we walk with the darkness the wolf at our side through the waterfall of power to the blackest heart of eternity. I think we should have a bake sale." Wicca2: "I don't know" Wicca1: "you guys like a bake sale right? I mean we need money for the dance recital and You know I do an empowering lemon bundt" Wicca2: "The most important thing is the Gaian newsletter we need to get the message of blessing out to the sisters. Also who left their scented candles dripping all over my women power shrine?" Willow: ""Well, this is good. I mean, this is all fun ya know, but there's also other stuff that we might show an interest in, as a wicca group." Wicca1(hesistantly): "like what?" Willow: "Well, There's the wacky notion of spells, you know conjuring, transmutation" wicca2: "Oh yeah, then we could all get on our broomsticks and fly around on our broomsticks" giggling wicca1: "You know certain stereotypes are not very empowering." wicca 3 (sitting on floor): "I think that wicca2: "one person's energy can suck the power from an entire circle. no offense" wicca 3: " Well, maybe we could uh." wicca2: "Yeah, Tara. Guys.. quiet." holds hand up for quiet wicca2: "do you have a suggestion?" Tara (Wicca 3) just shakes her head and looks down, but then she looks at Willow. wicca2: "Ok, let's talk about the theme for the bacchanal." [SCENE_BREAK] Buffy and Willow walking in a hall. Buffy: "So not stellar, hunh?" Willow: " talk all talk Blah blah Gaia Blah blah moon {{menstrual}} lifeforce power thingy you know after a couple of sessions I was hoping we would get into something real but " Buffy: "No actual witches in your witch group" Willow: "No, bunch of wanna blessed bees. you know nowadays every girl with a {{Henna}} tattoo and a spice rack thinks she's a sister to the dark ones" They enter their dorm room. Buffy: "{{Will}} I'm sorry it was a bust. I know you were looking to go farther in that department" Willow: "I'd just like to float something bigger than a pencil someday hey how's with you and riley You two seemed pretty snugly after class" Buffy: "see above re: talk all talk" Willow: "Do I have to tie you two together?" Buffy: "We almost, but..." Willow: "Well, get with it - I need my vicarious smoochies." Buffy (whiny): "I don't know..." Buffy: "I get nervous and I start babbling and he starts babbling and it's a babblefest. Plus, everytime we talk I have to lie. The slayer thing comes up one way or another. I wish could just come clean." [SCENE_BREAK] The initiative. Forrest and Riley are climbing out of from a ladder descending to a platform overlooking a very tall demon in a blue robe with very long horns. At least one initiative member is still on the platform. They walk towards the elevator. Forrest: "Well you can't" Riley: "Yeah, I know I can't, but it bugs me this time." Forrest: "This is the burden we bear, brother. We have a gig that would inevitably cause any girl living to think we are cool upon cool. Yet we must Clark Kent our way through the dating scene never to use our unfair advantage." They stop to let a cart carrying others drive by. Forrest: "Thank God we're pretty." Riley: "But its just... Buffy's special" Forrest: "You think she's special. Wow. The first 486 times you told me it didn't register but now I 'see' that you think she's special." Riley: "See, you're naturally inclined to talk too much I don't have that" Forrest: "{{Then get with the kissing}}" They enter the elevator Riley: "Riley Finn" Elevator: "initiative vocal code match complete" Xander's basement. Spike is tied to a chair and Xander is dressed for bed in a T-shirt and boxers. As they speak Xander gets in bed and turns out the light. Spike: "{dunna} see why I have to be tied up" Xander: "It's just while I'm sleeping" Spike: " Like I'd bite you anyway" Xander: "oh you would" Spike: " not bloody likely" Xander: "I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious." Spike: " alright, yeah fine you're a {nummy} treat." Xander: "and don't you forget it" Spike adopts a high pitched almost falsetto voice - like Anya. Spike: "Xander don't you care about me." Xander: "Shut up!" Spike: "We never talk." Xander holds up a warning finger. Xander: "Shut up!" Spike: " Xaaannnder." Xander: "Shut up!" [SCENE_BREAK] Giles' apartment. Giles (musing): "They need to take seven... take seven what?" knock at door. Giles get up and opens it. Giles: "Olivia!" Olivia: "Sorry I'm so late {{the}} flight was a horror." Giles: " {{oh no}} bad weather?" Olivia: "{{Baseball}} movie." Giles (amused): "Oh.. so sorry" Olivia: "Yeah. That's enough small talk, don't you think?" They kiss and Giles puts his glasses on the notes [SCENE_BREAK] A clocktower. 1:00 am. Interior of the clocktower. Pale grayish hands opens an ornate box and whispering is heard. Exterior of clocktower. Overview of town. Outside of a house. Bedroom. A sleeping boy's mouth loses a mist which goes out a window. People everywhere open their mouths and a mist comes out. Another bedroom with an elderly man. A bedroom with Giles and Olivia. The dorm room of Willow and Buffy. The mist travels over the town to the clocktower and goes into the box which the hand closes. The camera follows the arm to the Gentleman's face. It is gray white with silver teeth in a horrid perpetual grin and white eyes and drawn back skin over a bald skull with an almost hooked nose. It is the face from Buffy's dream. [SCENE_BREAK] Morning. The dorm. Buffy gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom. Sound of toilet flushing. She yawns and brushes her teeth. She comes out into the hall. A girl who is crying silently sniffles and passes her by. Buffy wonders what's up. Willow yawns and gets up Buffy: --good morning-- She stops Willow: --hey-- Buffy feels her throat Buffy: --good morn-- Buffy: --good-- Buffy: --Will can you hear me-- Willow: --no I've gone gone deaf-- Buffy: --no I don't think so. we can't speak.-- Willow: --{{yells}}-- Buffy goes out into the hall. Students are out there and silently mouthing. Not a voice is heard. Xander: --what's going on-- --why can't I talk-- --{{unreadable}}-- Spike: --{{unreadable}}-- Xander turns to face Spike who is still tied down. Xander: --You you did this to me.-- Spike holds his hands wide apart (how?) Xander: --I can't talk-- Xander: --{{unreadable}}-- Spike holds up two fingers with back of his hand facing Xander and then looks away. Xander calls Buffy. The phone rings and Buffy picks it up. Buffy realizes she can't say hello. There's no voice on the other end and Xander realizes he can't talk either. Spike looks at him. Riley gets up and walks with Forrest down the stairs to the elevator in their frat house. Elevator: "Retinal scan accepted" They enter the elevator and the doors close. The elevator starts descending. Forrest writes on a pad: "It's all over town" The elevator stops. Elevator: "vocal code not accepted" Elevator: "please state your name for vocal identification" Riley gasps twice into the box. Elevator: "vocal code not accepted" Elevator: "Unauthorized beings will be considered hostile" Riley opens a panel in the elevator. Elevator: "please commence vocal identification in the next 20 seconds to avoid countermeasures" Riley slides a card in a slot. An led flashes flashes "Enter Override Code" and beeps. Riley punches in a code on a keypad. Elevator: "Override code incorrect" Forrest has written "Come on Come On" on his pad. Elevator: ""Lethal countermeasures engaged." Gas begins coming in an opening near the bottom of the elevator. [SCENE_BREAK] The elevator opens to Walsh, standing with an annoyed expression and two scientists standing behind her. Riley and Forrest rush off the elevator, relieved to be alive. Walsh points behind them to her left and their right. A sign reads "In case of emergency use stairway." [SCENE_BREAK] A dorm entrance. Tara is walking and everyone is depressed. A girl in crying in a guys arms. A guy drops a tray and a glass and it is like a gunshot. Tara jumps back. He is embarassed and bends to clean it up. [SCENE_BREAK] Town. Honking. The bank is closed. Dogs bark. The liquor store is open. And doing brisk business. Willow and Buffy are walking though town. A siren is heard. A man sits in the middle on the street, his head on his briefcase. A prayer meeting has a chalkboard saying Revelations 15:1 Everyone reads. A guy is selling "Mess age boards $10.00" and the guy has one around his neck that says "Message boards $10.00". They are white boards with a black marker and can be erased. Will and Buffy look at each other. [SCENE_BREAK] Giles Apt. Will and Buffy arrive with boards around their necks Xander sees them and gets up. Anya turns back to see who Xander got up for and sees it is Buffy and looks at Xander and back at Buffy. Giles gets up. Buffy waves hi. Xander waves hi. He is depressed. Giles clasps Buffy's arm reasuringly and Buffy puts her hand on his. Buffy sees all the books open Buffy: --anything-- Giles looks down and shakes his head slightly. Buffy sets down her board. Willow takes her board and writes "hi Giles" Giles puts his arm across Willow's shoulder and squeezes. Buffy picks up the notebook where Giles wrote part of her rhyme. "Can't even shout" "Can't even cry" "the gentlemen are coming..." She shows its to Giles and points and he shakes his head. Xander snaps his fingers repeatedly and turns up the sound on the tv. "Big news item from Sunnydale California Apparently the entire town has been quarantined due to an epidemic of, as strange at this may sound, Laryngitis. it seems the town has been rendered unable to speak there's no word yet what might have caused this or what other effects might be seen from this epidemic local authorities has issued a statement, a written statement, I should say, blaming recent flu vacinations. A few skeptics call it a city wide hoax In the meanwhile Sunnydale has effectively shut down all schools and businesses will be closed for the time being and residents are advised to stay home and rest up centers for disease control have ordered the entire town quarantined. no one can go in or out until the syndrome is identified or the symptoms disappear. We'll bring you more on that as it develops. During this Olivia is drinking a hard liquor. (whiskey or bourbon or scotch?) And Buffy has borrowed Willow's board. Xander --that's it-- Buffy has written: "Keep researching. I should be in town tonight." Giles --why-- [SCENE_BREAK] The Initiative A blue screen says and an electric voice speaks. "Because there will chaos." We see and hear Walsh typing on a keyboard and as she continues to type the electric voice continues: "You will help keep order. Dress as civilians. A military presence would only increase panic." Riley writes: "What is happening" Walsh types and the electric voice says: "We are looking into it. Go. Help maintain order. We will find an answer. [SCENE_BREAK] Town streets. evening. A car crashed into a fire hydrant which is spraying water. Silent people wander. Buffy walks. Riley breaks up an impending fight between a black man in a business suit and a white man. He has to push the white man back authoritatively. He turns to straighten the black man's coat almost like a tailor. The white man picks up a pipe to attack Riley from behind but Buffy has been approaching from behind and casually turns his wrist hard and the pipe drops. The bones crackled. The guy collapses in pain. Riley and Buffy hug Riley --{{are you ok?//how are you doing?}}-- Buffy nods. Buffy --you-- Riley rolls his head back and forth Crashing is heard. Riley indicates he has to go --unintelligible-- Buffy points in the other direction. They start to go, but then Riley holds on to her. They kiss. They each go on. A siren sounds. [SCENE_BREAK] 1:50 am according to the clock tower. A doorway. Two gentlemen float/glide out. Their feet are about 6 inches?/15cm off the ground. They are dressed in long black formal wear? They are accompanied by two lackeys who shuffle. The lackeys have pinkish bandaged heads and wear straitjackets but the arms are not tied. The gentlemen float about six inches off the ground and don't move their legs at all. The lackeys have a caveman or Igor-like or chimpish gait and swing their arms about and do not stand up straight. Further up are four more gentlemen and some more lackeys. The four split into two pairs and wave bye with very small hand movements. [SCENE_BREAK] Giles' bedroom Olivia is awake, lying on a sleeping Giles chest. She puts on a robe and gets up and goes downstairs to the living room. She is drawn to the window and sees one of the Gentlemen floating across the street. Another floats right by her window with its face inches away from the window looking right at her and she jumps back in fright, gasping as she tries to scream. [SCENE_BREAK] The gentlemen seem to operate in pairs and there are six of them. Two of them go towards a house. One nods. [SCENE_BREAK] Campus. Two float down the lawns. [SCENE_BREAK] In the dorms a pair and their bandaged heads, straitjacketed lackeys float past rooms. They pass 217. They pass 213. One waggles his finger no. (Their hands move almost minimally, just enough to communicate the action.) They pass 214. Willow is shown sleeping. So is Buffy. They pass 217. They enter another hallway. The taller waves his hand no. 118. The taller goes here we are. (Presents the door room.) A knock on a door. A sleeping male awakens and opens the door. He is grabbed by the two lackeys and held down on his bed as he struggles and tries to scream for help again and again. The gentlemen look down at him and then at each other. One nods slightly. A gentlemen removes a scapel and hands it to the other. The gentlemen lowers the scapel. [SCENE_BREAK] The clocktower. There are three red hearts? in canning jars. The gentlemen florishes his hands as presenting a painting or a dish of food. He receives a round of faint applause from four others and holds up his hand to stop the applause/ say no, you're too kind. [SCENE_BREAK] Dorm hallway. A man in a green jacket is blocking students from getting into the victim's room. Buffy in coming from the other direction and darts in to see the victim. [SCENE_BREAK] Giles apt. Giles gets his morning newspaper and closes his front door. Olivia is drawing. Giles sees two newspaper articles about a "brutal slaying" and another about a "fifteen year old stabbed, heart missing." Olivia has sketched a picture. The pictures strikes a memory and Giles goes to grab a book titled "Fairy tales." [SCENE_BREAK] Giles performs a overhead projector presentation for Buffy, Willow, Xander and Anya in a lecture hall. Complete with creepy violin music on a boom box. Giles cracks his knuckles. The first transparency is upside down and backwards. Willow and Buffy, sitting next to each other in the front row point. Xander is sitting on the stairs several chairs away. Anya sitting, in the second row and eating popcorn, holds up her index finger and rotates it clearly meaning turn around the transparency. Giles sees the overhead and corrects it. 1) "Who are the gentlemen?" 2) "They are fairy tale monsters" (picture of one) Giles nods. 3) "what do they want" Giles holds up finger. Will holds up her hand and points to her chest Xander cups himself and says --boobies?-- Giles gives Xander a look. Willow looks at Xander and points as Giles changes the transparency. 4) "hearts" (picture of three hearts) Giles waves back at the hearts Xander gets it. Anya raises her eyebrows for a moment and eats more popcorn. 5) "They come to a town" (picture of two gentlemen on a hill overlooking buildings) 6) "They steal all the voices no one can scream" (picture of two gentlemen on hill and four people loosing voices) Giles mimes speaking by moving his hand out from his mouth. 7) "then" (picture of one Gentleman) Giles holds up index finger 8) (picture gentlemen over person in bed. gentlemen has red knife, person's chest is red and red is dripping onto floor) 9)(picture of gentlemen holding red heart over person in bed. Enormous amount of red on chest and bed and floor.) Willow and Buffy exchanges disturbed looks. Anya shrugs and eats more popcorn. Xander starts to write. 10) "They need seven, they have at least two." (Picture of seven hearts) Xander snaps his fingers and holds up his board "How do we kill them?!" Buffy takes her fist and pumps it toward herself. Disturbed looks from Xander and Willow, even Giles has to maintain a poker face. Buffy grabs a stake from her bag and pumps it towards herself. Xander gets she means stake them, Giles looks relieved and Willow pretends nothing was amiss. 11) "In the tales No sword can kill them" (Picture of a gentleman with three swords in him) 12) "But the princess screamed once... and they all died." (Picture of a princess screaming and two gentlemen lying dead) Willow holds up a cd and ,then holds her hands over her ears and pantomines dying. She smiles. Giles holds a finger up and changes the transparency. 13) "Only a real human voice" (picture of a gentleman dancing to old style record player) Giles points to his throat. Willow throws her hand up and pouts. Buffy writes: "How do I get my voice back?" Giles throws his hands out to his sides. 14) "Buffy will patrol tonight" (picture of girl with bow and arrow). Buffy holds her hands at her sides (the picture is too fat). Giles makes some gestures. Giles points to rest and holds up a book. Everyone gets up. Buffy looks at a tranparency 2 with the picture of the Gentleman. [SCENE_BREAK] The Initiative. This night Forrest and Riley and others don military garb. And carry weapons. [SCENE_BREAK] Buffy patrols a street with houses and yards. [SCENE_BREAK] Riley on a grassy street, spots shadows moving in the clocktower. 2:35 am. He heads toward it. [SCENE_BREAK] A dorm room. Tara has Willow's address "214 Stevenson" on a post-it from the phonebook with Willow's name highlighted. A book is open to a chapter titled "spells of speech and silence." She closes her door and leaves carrying some books and notepads. [SCENE_BREAK] Campus lawns. Tara is walking alone at night with her books. She looks back and trips over shrubs. As she is picking up her books we see two of the gentlemen and two lackeys coming up behind her. She hears the rattle of the straitjackets? and looks and runs. And she is chased. [SCENE_BREAK] Buffy sees a Gentleman gliding on the other side of the street but is tackled by a lackey springing from behind a bush before she acts. Tara is runnning down the hall and she bangs on a door. A dark haired girl sits up. Tara bangs on another door. The dark haired girl clutches her sheets in fear but doesn't move. Tara sees two Gentlemen floating towards her. Tara tries to yell. Tara --help-- Tara --help-- The lackeys appear behind the approaching Gentlemen. She bangs on another? door. She runs from the Gentlemen who started to get close, followed by their two lackeys. She gets to a stairway. [SCENE_BREAK] Street. Buffy flips a lackey to the ground. Another grabs her from behind and she elbows and backhands it. She kicks the first ducks a roundhouse from the second, kicks it in the leg to bring it down and snaps its neck. It goes down. The first lackey runs. Buffy looks around, then chases it. [SCENE_BREAK] Clocktower, lower level. Riley enters a door. He is tackled from and rolls loose and kicks it away in the head. He pulls an extendable club/rod from his boot. Three blows knock it to the ground but another grabs him. [SCENE_BREAK] Dorm hall. Tara runs up the stairs and bangs on doors. She is banging on 21? Willow hears the banging and wakes up. She was dressed and asleep at her computer. Willow is afraid. She goes toward her door. The door Tara is banging on opens and a Gentleman holding a heart looks at her. Two more float near the stairs she just came up. Tara runs around the corner. Willow opens her door and is looking the other way when Tara runs into her and they both fall. Willow grabs at her leg and yelps silently. She sees two of the Gentlemen followed by two lackeys. They both get up and run to another stairway mere steps away. Willow is limping. [SCENE_BREAK] Riley pushes the one holding him back into barrels, backhands him with his fist holding the rod and flips it over his shoulder. The first gets up and grabs Riley and slams him into a platform with one arm and they both fall to the floor. Riley has lost his rod and reaches out to his other weapon as the lackey holds him. A third lackey enters at a run. Boards sealing an opening break and Buffy crashes through and knocks it down from the side with a shoulder block and a shove. Riley reaches his weapon and rolls. Buffy kicks a lackey back. Another she simply throws into a shelf/wall. Riley reaches his feet and uses his weapon as a club to knock down the one still trying to hold on to him. Buffy and Riley aim weapons at each other and are surprised to see each other. One of the lackeys gets up and Riley ducks and Buffy ducks, spins and Buffy kicks it in the head. Riley blasts another with an electrical blast. It drops. Buffy shoots at one with an arrow. A third knocks her bow down and Riley grabs it from behind. The one she shot? grabs Buffy and throws her towards the wall. She stumbles and falls but is on her feet to meet it. She pushes it's side into the wall. She kicks it in side and in the head and gives it a left. Riley flips his to the ground. Buffy gives hers a left, a right and then grabs it and flips it down. Riley is holding his with an armbar hold. He looks up. The one who was blasted in getting up and Buffy runs and grabs a rope. Buffy swings on the rope and kicks it. Hard. It flies across the room breaking right through a post and into a shelf. Riley is shocked. Giles apt Giles is reading a book as he gets a cup of something. He and Spike bump shoulders. Spike opens the refrigerator and gets the "kiss the librarian" cup of blood out and drinks. He becomes vamp faced as he drains the cup. He heads back into the living room. Anya is sleeping on the couch with a book at her side. She tosses and turns and her neck is facing towards Spike. Spike kneels down. Xander enters and sees a somewhat pale Anya (a light is on her face) and then Spike's head comes up vamp faced with blood on his lips. Xander: -- -- Xander charges Spike. Spike stands and looks down at Anya. Just as Xander tackles him, Spike gets it and shakes his head Spike: --no-- The tackle wakes up Anya. She gets up. Xander is sitting on Spike holding him with his left hand and hitting him with his right. Giles and Olivia enter. Anya taps Xander on the shoulder twice and Spike is pointing to her with his right hand. Spike got hit seven times. Anya --{{I'm ok/alright}}-- Xander sees Anya and jumps up and kisses her and hugs her. Anya is puzzled then pleased. Spike gets up. Xander is still hugging Anya. He stops, looks at Spike with a distressed expression, shrugs, and kisses Anya again. Spike looks annoyed. Spike --{{unreadable}}-- Olivia looks at Giles and back at the couple and she is smiling. Giles looks annoyed. Anya -- you wanna go {{someplace}} and -- Anya does a gesture with her hands putting her finger into the fist in the other hand. She also nods slightly. Xander and Anya start to leave. Spike looks even more annoyed. Giles looks revolted. Olivia looks blank or shocked. [SCENE_BREAK] Tara and Willow run down the stairs. Willow is limping and Tara is holding her up trying to help her. The lackeys are close behind. They enter a laundry room and lock the door. Banging is heard on the door. At first they try to brace the door, then Willow limps to a soda machine. Tara follows and they both try to push it, but it barely budges (maybe only the top moved) and then it stops. Willow sits down clutching her leg. Tara kneels beside her and looks at her. Willow stares intently at the sode machine. Tara is continually looking back and forth between Willow and the soda machine. Tara sees the soda machine shudder but it doesn't move. Willow looks defeated. The banging continues. Tara looks at the machine once more and then at Willow. Tara slowly touches and then clasps Willow's hand with their fingers interlocking. Willow clasps it back and looks at Tara. Tara nods slowly. They clasp harder and look into each others eyes and as one turn quickly towards the soda machine. It literally spins to barracade the door in under a second. The banging on the door stops. They both look relieved. They look at each other and at their hands. Tara looks a little surprised and Willow, after a moment, also looks impressed with what they did. Both of them seem to get a rush from the power they just wielded. [SCENE_BREAK] Clocktower, lower level. A lackey jumps over the fallen lacky and grabs a barrel. Riley kicks the one he is holding and it falls. The one with the barrel knocks Buffy down from behind. She falls in front of another who is lying down. (Are there four now?) The one who hit Buffy? runs up the stairs. Riley is tackled by one knocking him off the one he was holding who is down again. Buffy looks back and leaves Riley with one standing. She goes up the stairs. [SCENE_BREAK] Clocktower, upper level ropes hanging, clockworks, a large bell. Buffy sees there are only two empty jars. She is kicked from behind and falls. Three lackeys grab and hold her and a Gentleman (three are seen) floats toward her with a scalpel. The scalpel gets near and a blast of electricity throws the Gentleman back. Riley shoots a lackey next. Buffy, held by only two lackeys now, flips over and kicks a fourth approaching lackey. She breaks free and hits one away. Riley's weapon seems to have run out of juice and he jumps forward. A lackey tackles Buffy. Two are going after Buffy. Riley uses his rod to hit one and another grabs him and throws him back. He wraps a rope around its arm and neck. Buffy ducks a roundhouse and kicks one in the back. She ducks away from another roundhouse kicks a stool forward into the lackey and delivers a terrific uppercut. Riley gives the one in the ropes an elbow to the head and the other recovers and grabs at him. Buffy takes one and pushes it and its head hits some hanging metal cylinders. A Gentleman moves forward with a scalpel. Riley turns the one grabbing him and bangs its head into the huge tower bell. Hard. The bell actually gongs. Buffy punches the one she pushed twice and kicks it away. A Gentleman stabs her from behind with a scalpel. Riley turns, alarmed. The gentleman backs away. A lackey grabs Buffy and throws her into a giant spool of rope. Then it holds her around the shoulders and neck from behind. Weakened, she can't break loose. Riley grabs something and hits the lackey from the ropes in the head with it as it gets loose. It goes down. Buffy see the box from her dreams next to the jars of hearts. She flashes back to the little girl holding the box. She waves and then bangs her hands on the giant spool to get Riley's attention as she is being held. Riley smashes a blue vial/jar next to the box and looks at her for approval. She rolls her eyes and pantomines opening. Riley gets it, mouths "oh", and smashes the box. Mist comes out of it. The lackey holding Buffy throws her down. Two of the streamers of mist go into Riley's and Buffy's throats. Buffy screams and screams and screams and the gentlemen's heads explode. Gooey splat sounds as the exploded head parts fall to the ground. Buffy and Riley look at each other. [SCENE_BREAK] Campus Exterior. Interior, Willow and Tara are sitting down in a public area. Willow: "You were there looking for me?" Tara: "I thought maybe we could do a spell - make people talk again. I'I'd seen you in the group, the wicca group you were... you were different than them. I mean they didn't seem to know..." Willow: "What they were talking about." Tara: "I think if they saw a witch they would run the other way." She smiles and laughs. Willow: "How long have you been practicing?" Tara: "Always, I mean, since I um, was little... my, my mom used to, She um, she had a lot of power, like you." Willow: "Oh I'm not {{li}}.. I don't have much in the way of power." She smiles. Willow: "Really, I mean most of my potions come out soup Besides... spells going awry, friends in danger... I'm definitely nothing special." Tara: "No, you are." Willow smiles at the compliment. Tara smiles hesitantly, then smiles. [SCENE_BREAK] Giles and Olivia are laying on his couch Giles: "So would you say this was, uh, your best visit ever." Olivia: "All the time you used to talk to me about witchcraft and darkness and the like - I just thought you were being pretentious." Giles: "Oh I was. I was also right." Olivia: "So everything you told me was true." Giles: "Well no, um, I wasn't actually one of the original members of Pink Floyd. But the monster stuff, yes." Olivia: "Scary." Giles: "Too scary?" Olivia: "I don't know." Giles wonders. [SCENE_BREAK] scene: Buffy's room A knock. Riley enters. Riley: "Hi." Buffy: "Hi." Riley sits on Willow's bed. Riley: "Well, I guess we have to talk." Buffy sits on her bed. Buffy: "I guess we do." They sit silently, facing each other, hands folded in their laps. BLACK OUT	Plan: A: the voices; Q: What do The Gentlemen steal from the population of Sunnydale? A: Sunnydale; Q: What town's voices are stolen by The Gentlemen? A: Giles; Q: Who reveals that the only thing that can defeat The Gentleman is a real human scream? A: ambient sound; Q: What other sound is present in the episode? Summary: The Gentlemen steal the voices of the population of Sunnydale , rendering everyone in the town (including the Scooby Gang) unable to speak. Giles reveals that the only thing that can defeat The Gentleman is a real human scream. This episode is mostly silent (aside from music and ambient sound) from the point The Gentlemen steal Sunnydale's voices.
Skyline: An orange moon rises above the cityscape, taking on the face of a grinning Jack-O-Lantern. ACT ONE Scene One - KACL Roz is in Frasier's booth, setting up for the show. The room is decorated for Halloween. Bulldog comes into the booth, laughing. Bulldog: Hey, Roz... Several employees pass by the open door laughing and congratulating Bulldog. Bulldog: Hi, hi, hi. Roz, you just missed the classic prank of all time. I'll admit it, this was my masterpiece. Roz: [excited] Oh, who, who? Who'd you get?! Bulldog: OK... Before he can begin he is interrupted by a passing female staffer. Employee: Way to go, Bulldog! He barks at her. Then Kenny comes in, laughing. Kenny: There he is! [slams chests and slaps hands with Bulldog] Bulldog: I got this friend down at the impound lot, who came across a smashed-up BMW, same make and model as Frasier's. Roz: You didn't! You got Frasier! Bulldog: I had his car towed from the garage, the wreck went in its place. They all laugh. Kenny: The doc totally freaked when he saw it. First he started swearing, and then he implored the heavens, and just when his lip started trembling, Bulldog comes out, tells him it's all a prank. Bulldog: Hey - Bulldog observes the mercy rule. Besides, I got the whole thing on tape. He proudly holds up the tape. Then Frasier comes in, stone-faced. Kenny runs out while Roz hastily turns back to her work. Bulldog: Admit it, Doc, I got you good. Frasier says nothing. He stares through Bulldog and starts setting up for the show. Roz ducks into her booth. Bulldog: Come on, [slaps Frasier's backside] say it: Bulldog's the best. [no response] OK, OK, how 'bout the bitch dance I taught you? [giggles, still nothing] Well, at least give me one up high! He raises his hand up for a high-five. Frasier grabs his wrist, twists his arm behind his back, and pushes him out of the booth. Bulldog: Come on - oh, come on, don't leave me hanging, Doc! Where's your Halloween spirit? Frasier shuts the door in his face and sits at his console. Bulldog re-enters, hand still raised. Bulldog: Don't worry, it'll be here waiting for you. He leaves. Frasier gets up and stalks into Roz's booth, stamping each word out of cold steel. Frasier: For the record, I knew immediately it was not my car. Mine has a bumper sticker on it that says, "I AM PRO OPERA AND I VOTE!" Roz: Frasier, you've got to admit, it was clever. Frasier: I admit nothing. That is the last we shall discuss of it, we have a show to do. Roz: OK. Frasier goes on the air. As he speaks, he removes some books from his briefcase and starts flipping through them. Frasier: Good afternoon, Seattle, and welcome to the Halloween edition of the Dr. Frasier Crane Show. Today we will be discussing the topic... of fears. Are they irrational hindrances, or evolutionary tools? Hmmm... the surprising answer, after these words. He goes to commercial. But someone has loaded the wrong cart into the player... Frasier: [on tape; wailing] My car! Ohhhh, no - my caaar! What did they do to you?! Oh, my bay-beee...! Frasier glares at Roz, who holds up her hands to show she had nothing to do with it. Frasier stabs the stop button on the player. Bulldog re-enters, hand still raised. Bulldog: Whenever you're ready. He leaves, waving goodbye with his raised hand. Frasier glares after him as Roz tries to control her laughter. [SCENE_BREAK] IS IT OCTOBER 31ST AGAIN? Scene Two - The Montana Niles's apartment at the Montana, Halloween night. Someone is ringing the doorbell insistently and knocking as well. Niles does not answer, instead he just peers through the spy hole. Daphne tiptoes in carrying a bowl. They both whisper to each other. Niles: Did you find something? Daphne: Do you think they'll take soy sauce packets? Niles thinks, then shakes his head. Gertrude strides in, not knowing why she should keep her voice down. Gertrude: Who keeps ringing the doorbell? Daphne: Shh! It's trick or treaters. The doorbell stops ringing, and Niles looks through the peephole. Niles: OK, they're gone. Gertrude: Well, why didn't you let them in? Daphne: Because someone forgot to get Halloween candy. Niles: Although, someone else could have picked it up since she was already in the store. Daphne: But, that would override the duty list that someone insisted on implementing. [smiles] Beaten, Niles cozies up and kisses his wife. Gertrude: If this is what you two call a fight, you're not fit to be married. I once held your father's head underwater, and- Someone rings the doorbell again. Daphne: Shh! Gertrude: Oh, for heaven's sake! [through the door] We haven't got any candy, shove off! Niles: Great, now they know we're here. Another doorbell. Gertrude: That is precisely what's wrong with this country, everyone's afraid to stand up to the children. She opens the door to Jason, a boy in some kind of space cadet costume. Jason: Trick-or-treat! Gertrude: Didn't you hear? We've got no candy! Niles: [clearly scared] We can offer you hotel soaps. Jason: But it's Halloween. I dress up, you give me candy. Gertrude: That costume's supposed to be scary? Jason: No, is yours? Niles bites his fingers, afraid of what the boy is stirring in his mother-in-law. Gertrude: Oh, a nice bite into an onion is what that mouth of yours deserves. Jason: If you don't have treats, you're going to get a trick. Gertrude: Do your worst! I'm not afraid of you. [shuts the door in his face] Honestly! She goes off to her room. Niles: OK, well, maybe I'll go get some candy after all. He heads toward the door, but freezes when he hears the unmistakable sound of EGGS whapping against the door. He hears three whaps, then nothing. He cracks the door and slowly opens it... and jerks backward as a fourth egg hits the door. He shuts it and walks up the stairs. Niles: OK, I'm going to need my slicker and my squash goggles! [SCENE_BREAK] OKAY, WHAT IF THE BALLOON WERE BLUE? Scene Three - Café Nervosa Roz is sat at a center table. Frasier comes in with his briefcase. Frasier: Good morning, Roz. May I join you? Roz: Sure, Frasier. Well, I'm glad to see you're not sulking today. Frasier: Yes, well, I had a little time to think about it, and I've decided to put Bulldog's prank behind me... Roz: That's very mature. Frasier: I'm not finished! - by visiting upon him a prank that is ten times more dastardly. Look at this. He opens his briefcase and shows her a legal pad, on which he has carefully drawn a picture of a car with a red balloon tied to the antenna. Roz stares, wondering if she's missing something. Roz: Looks like a car with a balloon tied to it. Frasier: Precisely. I will tie a red balloon to the antenna of Bulldog's car every time his precious Seahawks- He flips to the next page of the pad, showing what looks like a football strategy chart, the kind that a coach would draw on a locker room blackboard. Frasier: -lose a game. Over time, the conditioned response will become ingrained in his psyche. Eventually, the mere sight of a red balloon- Flip to the next page, featuring an enlarged picture of a red balloon. Frasier: -will bring about in him an inexplicable sense... Flip to the last page, showing a picture of Bulldog's face with tears streaming down it, attached to a thought bubble with a red balloon inside it. Frasier: ...of loss. [drops the pad into his briefcase] Check-and-mate! Roz: [stares for a second, then:] Isn't that... kind of out there? Frasier: That's the point. Well, of course, I could go with any one of your basic pranks - hand in warm water, and whatnot - believe me, I have an intimate knowledge of all of them. But what I'm looking for is something unmistakably ME. A signature prank, if you will. Roz: Why don't you just forget about revenge and give him his two minutes in the sun? Frasier: What, at my expense? Roz: Look at his life! You guys used to be equals, now he's stuck downstairs in that dark, musty archives room. You must have some sympathy for him, don't you? Frasier: "Dark, musty archives"... I think I could use that! He grabs his legal pad and starts drawing on a fresh page. Niles, Daphne, and Gertrude come in. Niles: Hello, all. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Gertrude: Why do we have to stop here? I could make coffee at home. Niles: Now, now, it's good to get out of the house, get some fresh air, exercise those lungs. Gertrude: My lungs are as strong as ever. Just yesterday, I finished a whole cigarette in two drags. [off their shocked looks] One off me record! Daphne: [sees Frasier's pad] What's this? Frasier: I'm devising the ultimate prank, to get my revenge on Bulldog. Niles: Ah, well just beware the dangers of juvenile one-upsmanship. Only last night, Mrs. Moon challenged a trick-or-treater, and he responded by pelting our door with eggs. Gertrude: Yeah, but I got the little monster back, by putting a big, greasy glob of Vaseline on his doorknob! Frasier chuckles with her, but Niles and Daphne are appalled. Clearly, they didn't know about this. Niles: You said you'd put an end to it! Gertrude: Hence the Vaseline. Daphne: Mum, he's a child! Gertrude: Well, it's time he learned you don't mess with Gertrude Moon without incurring my wrath. Now, excuse me, I require cocoa. She moves off to the counter with dignity. Frasier: You know, I think she has the right attitude. If I expect Bulldog to leave me alone, I've got to show him that he's dealing with a superior intellect. Roz: Show them the balloon car. Frasier glares at her, then drops the pad into his briefcase and primly snaps it shut. Frasier: I'm sure Da Vinci's early notes were full of laughs too! [gets up] Excuse me, I have devising to do! At the counter, Gertrude receives her cocoa from the Barista (the same unflappable one from [9.19] "Deathtrap"), who then refers to a bill. Barista: That'll be... $32.03. Gertrude: For one drink?! Barista: Your grandson ordered a bunch of cakes, and he said it was all on you. He points over her shoulder. She turns and sees Jason, laden with BAGS and grinning. Jason: Thanks for the treats, Grandma! He runs out, with a livid Gertrude in hot pursuit. Daphne and Niles moan and droop in their seats. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - The Montana Back to Niles's apartment. Gertrude comes in, cackling to herself. She's wearing heavy gloves and an oil-stained mechanic's smock, carrying a BICYCLE'S FOOT PEDAL ASSEMBLY, with the chain still dangling from it. Gertrude: Oh, let's see the little sod get to school without these. Oh, this should settle it! She goes to her room, laughing evilly... not noticing the HUGE GOB OF SHAVING CREAM dripping out of the air vent above the hallway. [SCENE_BREAK] STORAGE ROOM OF TERROR [Over the black screen we hear the boom of thunder, and the screen flashes white two times.] Scene Five - KACL Storage Room The storage room in the basement of KACL where Bulldog now works. It is pitch dark. Martin slowly opens the door from the stairwell and comes in hesitantly. Martin: Is anybody there? FOUR ZOMBIES rise from behind the stacked boxes and stagger towards him. Martin: [acting] Oh, zombies... the living dead. Help, help! Frasier: Everyone, hold please. The lights come up. The four zombies - three men and one woman - are actors, wearing tattered costumes and cadaver makeup. Frasier is standing in the corner of the room, behind a viewing screen on a tripod. The screen is connected to a camera mounted in a corner of the ceiling. Wires crisscross the floor, connected to the screen and other film set devices. Roz comes down the stairs and stands next to Martin. Frasier: Zombie Number Two, what are you doing? Zombie 2: I'm scaring Bulldog? Frasier: I see. Is that what zombies do, they scare people? Zombie 2: Um... Frasier: Wrong. They eat brains, and THAT'S what scares people. Now, look, this is our dress rehearsal, let's please try to get this right. Bulldog comes in, he hears noises, zombies go after his brain, and his terror is caught on videotape for us all to enjoy at a later date. Now, let's try this again. First marks, please. Martin: Oh, jeez, Fras, this is the fourth time through. Can somebody else play Bulldog now? Frasier: Dad, you said you would help me with this. Martin: Well, that's because you said we were gonna do a practical joke. I thought it would be fun. Frasier: Whatever gave you that idea? [to one of the actors] Todd, I am getting "dead" from you. But I am not getting "undead." Todd: [bored] Still? Frasier: Let's try this then. After rehearsal, I want each of you to write a paragraph detailing who your character was when he or she was alive, how they died, and why they're now after Bulldog's brain. Martin and Roz trade a disbelieving look. Frasier: Honestly, Roz, you know, you haven't given me much to work with here. These are the worst actors I've ever seen. Roz: [annoyed] Well, I'm sorry, but the Royal Zombie Company just left town with its all-zombie production of "Hamlet"! Martin: How many more times are we going to do this? Frasier: Why is it that whenever Bulldog pulls off a practical joke, you all applaud him, as if he'd won some sort of bowl or cup or other sports dish? But when I ask you to give up a single Sunday, all I get is complaints? Martin: Well, because you keep turning it into work! This is supposed to be fun! Like a day at the beach! Oh, you do this kind of thing all the time. Frasier: Like when? Martin: Well, the last time we went to the beach! Frasier: A lot of people bring rakes! Roz: Look, Frasier, it's not too late to back out of this. Face it, jokes just aren't your specialty. Frasier: What is that supposed to mean? Martin: Well, what she means, son, is that we all have our different blessings. And Bulldog's good at jokes and fun, and you're good at... reading, and, uh... telling people about the things you read. Frasier: Are you saying that you think I can't pull this off? Roz: Oh, I wouldn't put it that way. Martin: I would. Frasier: But I've worked this out to the last detail, nothing can go wrong! Roz: Everything's gonna go wrong! For one thing, Bulldog's gonna know something's up, 'cause Kenny hardly ever makes him work at night! And then look at all these cameras and all these wires, I mean, what if he spots these? Martin: And the zombies, as soon as he sees them he's gonna know it's a prank, because he just pranked you! [composure cracks] And there are no such things as zombies!!! Frasier slowly raises his arm, and imperiously points to the door. Frasier: You, sir... are released! Martin nods gratefully and walks out. Frasier: [to Roz] And you as well! She leaves, following Martin up the stairs. Frasier sticks his head through the door and yells up the stairs. Frasier: I'll pull this thing off by myself, proving you don't know what you're talking about! I don't need any of you! Taking this to be their cue, the zombies start to file out. Frasier: Wait, zombies, I do need you! [up the stairs] But no one else! I'll show all of you! You mark my words, tomorrow night I get my revenge! As if to mark his point, a crack of thunder comes from one of the machines sitting on a box, which then starts to blow misty smoke. Frasier: Ah, good, the effects machine's working again. [claps hands] All right, everyone, back to your first marks. The zombies wearily resume their places as Frasier returns to the camera. [N.B. Kelsey Grammer is no doubt perfectly familiar with all this equipment by now, having directed many episodes himself.] END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene Six - The Montana At Niles's apartment, Gertrude is pacing in the living room when someone knocks on the door. She opens it to a Courier. Gertrude: Where have you been? Courier: I'm sorry, I had a hard time finding this place. I checked the directory for "Crane," but it had "Old Bat" next to this apartment number. Gertrude turns to a large toy box sitting next to the door. Gertrude: [to herself] A little obvious, but not bad. She picks up the box and gives it to him. Gertrude: I want you to deliver this "Baby-I-Have-To-Tinkle" doll to Jason White, Floyd Middle School. [gives him a paper] This is the address. I mean, he should be in gym class about now. Courier: I don't think I'm allowed to just walk into his school, ma'am. Gertrude: No, it's OK. I'm his grandmother. [points to the paper] And you have to say this. Courier: [reading] "Your mommy said, bring this to you at school to lift your spirits. See? A dolly has accidents too." You really want me to say that? Gertrude: Yes, and very loudly. The poor thing's hard-of-hearing. She tips the Courier and sends him off. Gertrude: [raises both fists] Yes! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Seven - KACL Frasier is sitting in his booth, which has been modified to a director's booth. On a small television is a black-and-white image from the ceiling-mounted camera in the basement. Frasier is wearing a headset radio, and also has a control panel in front of him. Frasier: Todd, take off that baseball cap. You're undead, not uncouth. On the screen, Todd removes his baseball cap and signals acknowledgement at the camera. Behind Frasier, Martin and Roz enter the booth. Frasier: All right, everyone, step lively, look sharp. It's almost showtime. Give me a final room tone check, please, and... take your marks. Martin: Hey, Fras. Frasier: Well... hello. You've come to watch me fail, I suppose. Roz: No, we just want to come join you. Martin: Yeah, we're sorry about that stuff we said yesterday. Roz: Yeah, we came to see you have your day. It's long overdue. Frasier: Maybe I don't want you here. Roz: What do you mean? Frasier: You abandon me in my hour of need, now you're here to revel in my success, just like in Boswell's "Life of Johnson." Martin: What? Frasier: It was something-I-read. Martin: I guess we deserved that - whatever the hell it means. Roz: Come on, Frasier, we're sorry. Just let us watch. Frasier: All right, apology accepted. You may observe - in silence. Make yourselves comfortable. They stand behind him, eyes on the screen - and struggling to hide their smiles. Frasier focuses evilly on the screen, looking for all the world like Dr. Frankenstein as he manipulates his control panel. Frasier: And prepare to witness a man brought to the very edge of madness! Martin: [in Roz's ear] I think he's already there. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Eight - The Montana Gertrude is reading on the couch. Niles and Daphne come down, dressed for an evening out. Daphne: Mum, we're off to the symphony. Gertrude: Haven't the Germans punished us enough? Niles opens the door - and a GARBAGE CAN that was leaning against the door tips inside, spilling trash all over the floor. Niles/Daphne: Oh!/Bloody hell! Niles: Where did this come from? Gertrude: [innocently] Oh, you must have crossed someone. Daphne: [not fooled] Mother... Donald and Beverly White, Jason's parents, appear in the doorway. Donald: Oh my God! I'm so sorry! We were just coming down the hall, and we saw you open your door. This is our trash can! Daphne: What was it doing there? Beverly: [out into the hall] Jason, get back here! [to Niles] It seems our children have been feuding. We're very embarrassed. Niles: You're embarrassed? Meet our daughter. He motions into the room. The Whites are somewhat taken aback to see a sixtyish woman sitting there. Gertrude: [waves cheerfully] Hello! Jason comes in, sullen. Jason: I have a lot of homework... Beverly: Stay! Donald: Jason, have you been fighting with this woman? Jason: Well, she broke my bike and made me have to see a counselor at school! Now Donald and Beverly look appalled, and Gertrude is the one on the spot. Gertrude: [gets up] I think I left something in the kitchen... Daphne: Stay! Gertrude: I am an adult! I can do anything I want! [stamps her foot] Niles: No. While you're living under our roof, you'll follow our rules. Daphne: You two should be ashamed of yourselves. What if someone got hurt? Jason: Good. Beverly: Jason! You are one step away from losing your broadband connection. Now apologize and shake hands. Jason reluctantly comes over and holds out his hand. Gertrude: [putting her arms on her hips] Pish. Niles: What if I told you you couldn't smoke your pipes in your room anymore? Gertrude relents and takes Jason's hand. Gertrude/Jason: [mumbling] I'm sorry. Daphne: Now, you two are going to clean up this mess. Beverly: And Jason, come straight home when you're finished. They leave. Daphne: And this place better be spotless by the time we get back. She steps out the door. Niles stops and points a warning finger at both of them, before following her. Jason: I wish I was all grown-up, and I wouldn't have to follow their stupid rules! Gertrude: Oh, nothing changes, trust me. They sit still for a moment, sulking. Jason: You know... my mom hates bugs. She screams like a girl. Gertrude: [elbows him] So does my son-in-law! Jason: I know where we can find some crickets. Gertrude: No! Now, we should do as we're told, and start cleaning up. Jason: OK. They go over and Gertrude rights the garbage can. Gertrude: That way, they won't be expecting it! She and Jason laugh as they start to pick up the garbage. [SCENE_BREAK] NO ZOMBIES WERE HARMED IN THE FILMING OF THIS EPISODE Scene Nine - KACL Frasier is still at his console. By now, Kenny has joined Martin and Roz behind him, and all three of them are twitching with excitement. Kenny: This is so great! I can't wait! I'm getting goose bumps! [holds out his arm and rolls up his sleeve] Feel me, feel me! Frasier: Kenny, what was the condition of my letting you watch? Kenny puts a finger to his lips and retreats to the back. On the screen, Bulldog comes into the storage room. Frasier: There he is. Cue creaking noise one... [presses a button on the panel] CUT TO: the Storage Room As before, the room is dimly lit. But unlike the rehearsal scene, here the effect is genuinely eerie - even more so when Bulldog hears a soft creaking noise. Bulldog: Hello? Who's there? CUT TO: Booth Frasier: Cue creaking noise two. [presses another button] CUT TO: Storage Room Bulldog hears another creaking noise, louder and yet more distant. He looks around nervously. CUT TO: Booth Frasier: Now, let the horror begin... [presses another button] CUT TO: Storage Room: The zombies rise from behind the boxes and stagger towards Bulldog. He gives a yelp of terror and backpedals. CUT TO: Booth Roz, Martin, and Kenny laugh, as Frasier glows with evil triumph. Frasier: Yes! How do you like that, ya big baby! [laughs] CUT TO: Storage Room Bulldog screams as the zombies corner him against a wall. He reaches down, rips through a cabinet, and holds up a REVOLVER. Bulldog: Get back! CUT TO: Booth Frasier and the others look at the screen, suddenly shocked, hearing Bulldog's yelling - and then a GUNSHOT! On the screen, they see Todd collapse onto his back. Frasier: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! [tears off his headphones and rushes out] CALL 9-1-1, CALL 9-1-1! Kenny grabs the phone and dials frantically - but as soon as Frasier is gone, Roz starts laughing. Martin: Don't worry about it, Kenny! It's just a joke! Kenny: What are you talking about?! Martin: It's a fake gun! Kenny: What? Martin: It's-a-fake-gun! Kenny: [still unsure] What about the bullets? Roz and Martin laugh harder. Roz: It's a joke! Bulldog found out about Frasier's prank, so we set him up! Kenny: [laughing] That is awesome! I can't believe he fell for it! Roz: Come on, we got to go tell Frasier what's going on! Kenny: You guys go ahead... [Roz and Martin run out] I think I'm gonna stay here and puke. CUT TO: Storage Room As the other three zombies flee the room, screaming, Todd lies on his back on the floor. Bulldog still has the gun when Frasier comes tearing in. Roz and Martin are right behind him, followed shortly by Kenny. Frasier: Stop! Stop! It was all a joke! Oh my God, what have I done?! Martin: What's the big deal, he was already a zombie! [laughs] Frasier: Are you insane?! Call an ambulance! Todd bolts up and grabs Frasier, making him yell and jump. Bulldog, Martin, Roz, and Kenny laugh uproariously. Frasier: What is going on here? Roz: [points] Wave to the camera, Frasier! Frasier: What? Bulldog: Got you again, all on tape. Who's the king? There's laughter all around, except from Todd, who gets up and leans back against the wall, staggering slightly. Frasier: That isn't funny, I could have had a heart attack! Martin: Oh, sorry, Fras, we just couldn't resist. Frasier: Well, at least nobody was hurt. You bested me, Bulldog, again! Todd steps forward, reaching behind his back with his hands as if trying to scratch. Todd: Dr. Crane, I think I hurt my back... Frasier: What? Todd suddenly collapses forward, showing a SCISSORS HANDLE sticking out of his back. Everyone GASPS. ALL SCREAMING: Roz: OH MY GOD!!! Martin: WHAT HAVE WE DONE?! Kenny: SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE! Martin: WHERE'S THE PHONE?! WHERE'S THE PHONE?! As Frasier grabs one off the desk, and everyone runs around in panic - Frasier: Roz, get the first aid kit out of the closet! Roz: OK! OK! [runs over] Bulldog: No, no, not the-! Roz opens the closet and SHRIEKS as she sees Noel hanging inside the door by a MEAT HOOK impaled through his bloody chest. Martin: WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON DOWN HERE?!?! Frasier: Quiet, quiet, everybody! [into phone] Hello? Yes, I'd like to report... THE GREATEST PRACTICAL JOKE EVER! You'd better send a fire truck, because you guys just got BURNED! AH-HA-HA-HA- HA-HA-HAAAAAA! Frasier and Bulldog laugh while everyone else stares at them, open- mouthed. Roz: Wait, what?! Noel: [looking up] Hi, Roz! She SHRIEKS again. Todd gets up, quite unharmed. Bulldog: You should see the look on your faces! This is truly a classic! Martin: This was all just a joke? Kenny: Awesome! With that, Kenny claps a hand over his mouth and runs out of the room. Bulldog: Nice work, Doc. Frasier: Likewise, Bulldog. [they shake hands] Todd: You think I can get a copy of this for my demo reel? Frasier: [pats him on the shoulder] Sure thing, Todd. You've come a long way in a short time, young man. As Todd walks out, Martin plucks the scissors out of the foam pad underneath his jacket. The blades were splayed out so as to flatten against his back instead of pointing in. Martin: Well, Frasier, I'm speechless! You totally had us going! Roz: I can't believe it! Frasier: Admit it, Roz, can I pull off a practical joke, or what? Roz: I just don't understand it, you guys worked together? Bulldog: Yeah, Frasier set the whole thing up. Frasier: The other day, after you two left, I got to thinking maybe my joke was aimed at the wrong target. That's when Bulldog and I joined forces! Roz: But we joined forces with him to get you! Frasier: That's exactly what you were supposed to think! Martin: Wow, Fras, I got to give it to you - this was brilliant! Frasier: Thank you, Dad. What do you say we all go upstairs and watch the tape, huh? Everyone agrees enthusiastically and runs upstairs. Bulldog stays behind to get his jacket from the closet. Frasier: All right, you guys go ahead. Bulldog? Bulldog: Yeah? Frasier: Technically, I still owe you one Bulldog: Face it, Doc, you will never win. [to Noel, who is still hanging on the door] Good work, Noel. Bulldog closes the closet door (replacing Noel inside) and puts on his jacket. Bulldog: That's why you had to join forces with me. He holds up his hand. Bulldog: Huh? Frasier: You're right. They slap hands in a hearty high-five. Bulldog: All right. Bulldog heads up the stairs, totally unaware of the "I'M PRO OPERA AND I VOTE" sticker affixed to the back of his jacket. Frasier chuckles deviously to himself and follows him up. [SCENE_BREAK] Storage Room: The janitor comes into the storage room and starts picking up the various objects scattered by the mayhem. He goes over to the closet and swings it open without looking inside - thus keeping his back to Noel, who is still hanging from the door and looking vastly relieved to have been rescued at last. But the janitor is wearing headphones and listening to a Walkman, so he doesn't notice Noel until Noel taps him on the shoulder. The janitor spins around, sees Noel, and faints dead away. Noel lets out a sigh and hangs on. [N.B. The janitor is played by series writer Dan O'Shannon.]	Plan: A: Halloween season; Q: What season has come around again? A: glory; Q: What is Bulldog bathed in after playing a practical joke on Frasier? A: Frasier; Q: Who is humiliated by Bulldog's trick? A: his BMW; Q: What did Bulldog replace with a replica that had been smashed up? A: his revenge; Q: What is Frasier determined to get after Bulldog humiliates him? A: His initial plan; Q: What did Roz scorn when he explained it to her? A: a red balloon; Q: What did Frasier use to cause Bulldog psychological distress? A: scorn; Q: What reaction does Roz have to Frasier's plan to cause Bulldog psychological distress? A: a terrifying scene; Q: What does Frasier set up in the KACL basement? A: zombies; Q: What are the actors dressed as in the basement? A: Martin and Roz help; Q: Who helps with the preparations for the Halloween scene? A: practical jokes; Q: What is not Frasier's strong point? A: one way; Q: How many ways does Frasier think he can stage the greatest practical joke ever? A: direction; Q: What does Frasier change in his plan to stage the greatest practical joke ever? A: Gertrude Moon; Q: Who challenges a child named Jason? A: past seasons; Q: When was Jason the main trick-or-treater in Frasier's building? A: Niles' apartment trick; Q: Where does Jason go trick-or-treating? A: a childish prank war; Q: What does the challenge between Gertrude Moon and Jason lead to? A: two; Q: How many people team up to play jokes on Jason's parents? A: Daphne; Q: Who is Niles's girlfriend? Summary: The Halloween season has come round again. Bulldog is bathed in glory after playing a practical joke on Frasier by replacing his BMW with a replica that had been smashed up. Frasier is humiliated and determined to get his revenge. His initial plan, which involves using a red balloon to cause Bulldog gradual psychological distress, meets with scorn when he explains it to Roz. He then decides to set up a terrifying scene in the KACL basement where Bulldog is working now, involving actors dressed as zombies . Martin and Roz help with the preparations, but they both agree that practical jokes are not Frasier's strong point, so this is bound to fail. After some thought, Frasier realises one way in which he can stage the greatest practical joke ever, even if it means changing direction in his plan. Meanwhile, Gertrude Moon challenges a child named Jason (who was also the main trick-or-treater, in Frasier's building in past seasons) who comes to Niles' apartment trick-or-treating . This leads to a childish prank war between the two; when Niles, Daphne, and Jason's parents step in, though, the two team up to play jokes on them.
[ The apartment ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: Leonard, I've been working on an opening joke for our lecture at Berkeley. Leonard: Oh, I like to laugh. But say it anyway. Sheldon: Okay, um, what do you say to a graduate of the UC Berkeley physics department? I'll have fries with that. Because his education hasn't prepared him for a career in the sciences. Penny: You know, when they chase you out of there, you only have to run faster than Sheldon. Amy: Are you all set for your trip? Sheldon: Yeah, I think so. I just restocked the old PRK. Penny: "PRK"? Leonard: Public restroom kit. Everything a boy needs for making pee pee in new and strange places. Sheldon: I don't see what's crazy about bringing a backpack with your own toilet paper and Purell. Leonard: Keep going. Sheldon: And rubber gloves, uh, air freshener. Um, noise-cancelling headphones. Oh, danger whistle. Um, pepper spray. Ooh, a multi-language occupied sign. Uh, let's see, we have seat protectors, uh, booties for my shoes, a clothespin for my nose. Oh, and a mirror on a stick, so I can make sure the person in the stall next to me isn't some kind of weirdo. Penny: You still worried some Berkeley girl is gonna steal him away? Amy: Yes, who do you think gave him the danger whistle? [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ ♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ ♪ Bang! ♪ Original Air Date on April 2, 2015 [SCENE_BREAK] [ Leonard's car ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: Would you like to play a physics car game I invented called "I Can't Spy"? It's all the nail-biting tension of I Spy but the added fun of subatomic particles and waves outside the visible spectrum. Leonard: If it's half as much fun as "One Times Ten to the Fourth Bottles of Beer on the Wall," I'm in. Sheldon: I'll begin. Uh, I can't spy with my little eye something passing right through us. Leonard: That soy Frappuccino I had. Sheldon: Will you please play the game? I can't spy with my little eye something passing right through us. Leonard: I don't know, um, if 65 billion solar neutrinos pass through a square centimetre every second, given the surface area of this car is about 60,000 square centimetres, that means 3.9 times ten to the 15th solar neutrinos? Sheldon: I don't want to play anymore. Leonard: We haven't been on a road trip in a while. This is fun. Sheldon: We get it, you won the game. Stop bragging. Leonard: No, listen, we wrote a paper together. Now we get to go to a university and talk about it? That's pretty cool. Sheldon: I suppose it is. In fact, if you'd like to celebrate with a little music, I'd be okay with that. Leonard: What? This road trip just got crazy. Sheldon: Play that funky music, white boy. Leonard: I'm surprised you know that reference. Sheldon: What reference? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Wolowitz's house ] [SCENE_BREAK] Bernadette: So, I put stickers on everything we're gonna sell. We just need help taking it all out to the driveway. Amy: Can I be in charge of pricing? I've been going to garage sales my whole life. Can you believe I got these pantyhose for a nickel? Howard: All right, Amy's in charge of pricing and being 75. Raj: Hey, Penny, can you give me a hand with this? Penny: Sure. Oh, we had one of these growing up. I used to play all the time. Raj: Oh, yeah? I love Ping-Pong. Penny: Oh, I meant beer pong. Amy: I had a table, too, but I didn't have any friends, so all I did was serve. Bernadette: You know, you can leave one side up and play against it. Amy: And if I had a friend, they might have told me that. Howard: Excuse me. Why is there a sticker on this? It's my TARDIS from Doctor Who. I was planning on moving it in the house. Bernadette: I think you just answered your own question. Howard: Come on, one day, this may double in value and be worth half what I paid for it. Bernadette: Sweetie, we have a lot to do. We don't need to decide this right now. Howard: Well, I guess as long as you're keeping an open mind. Bernadette: Of course. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Leonard's car ] [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ "Play that funky music, white boy" is playing ♪ Sheldon: So they're requesting that the white boy play the funky music, yes? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: And this music we're listening to right now is funky as well? Leonard: Sure. Sheldon: Let me ask you this. Do you think this song is the music the white boy ultimately plays? Leonard: It could be. Sheldon: So it's like the musical equivalent of Russell's Paradox, the question of whether the set of all sets that don't contain themselves as members contains itself? Leonard: Exactly. Sheldon: Well then I hate it. Music should just be fun. (music stops) Leonard: Making great time. Gonna be there pretty early. Sheldon: Will our hotel room be ready? Leonard: I doubt it. Sheldon: Aren't you worried that sitting in the lobby for a long period of time might attract the attention of the hotel detective? Leonard: If we do, we'll just tell him to hit the bricks, see? Sheldon: Seems a little confrontational, but all right. You know, we won't be very far from Skywalker Ranch. Leonard: Oh, that's true. It's not like we can get in there. Sheldon: Why not? Leonard: I-I don't think George Lucas put his headquarters in the middle of nowhere because he wanted people dropping in. Sheldon: Yoda's swamp was in the middle of nowhere. Tatooine was in the middle of nowhere. Hoth was in the middle of nowhere. That's code, Leonard. He wants us to drop in. Leonard: We do have time. I mean, we could drive by and just look at it. Sheldon: Yes. Oh, I'm so excited. And I just can't hide it. Leonard: "I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it." Sheldon: What are you talking about? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Wolowitz's house ] [SCENE_BREAK] Penny: So when do you guys think you're gonna move in? Howard: We're still figuring how much remodeling we want to do. Bernadette: It's tricky finding the right balance between "tasteful modern" and "Jewish mother tchotchke crapfest." Amy: Have you made a decision about the TARDIS? I think I can sell it if we call it "Big British Porta-Potty." Howard: We're not selling it, it's mine. Bernadette: You can't just decide. How about I arm-wrestle you? Howard: That's not fair. It's like me challenging you to a sexy pants contest. Raj: You could play Ping-Pong for it. Howard: I would do that. Bernadette: How is that fair? You grew up with a table. Howard: Yes, but I mostly used it as a battlefield in an ongoing war between the Transformers and the ThunderCats for control of a bra I had found in the woods. Penny: Bernadette, for every episode of Doctor Who Leonard has made me sit through, I will play on your behalf and send that TARDIS back to Gallifrey, where I hate that I know it belongs. Bernadette: Yes, Penny plays for me. Howard: That's not fair, she has upper body muscles. Raj: Dude, three-time Sanskriti School for Well-Born Boys badminton champion. Howard: That's right, okay, Raj can play for me. Amy: Ooh, you just chose champions. It's like we're re-enacting the ancient German practice of trial by combat. Penny: Yeah, it's also like when the Mountain fought the Red Viper in Game of Thrones. Bernadette: Leonard makes you watch that, too? Penny: No, no, I like that show. It's got dragons and people doing it. Howard: So it's settled. The fate of Doctor Who's TARDIS will be decided by a Game of Thrones inspired death-match on the battlefield of ThunderCats versus Transformers. Amy: If you still have that bra, I'll give you a nickel for it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Leonard's car ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: There it is. It's just a gate. On a road. Leonard: Wasn't even that hard to find. Sheldon: This is so amazing. Leonard: I know. You want to get a picture? Sheldon: I want more than a picture. I want to go in. Leonard: Well, so do I, but they'll never let us. Sheldon: Is that the attitude that helped you get Penny? Leonard: No, but I don't have three years to make that gate feel sorry for me. Sheldon: There's a speaker box. Drive up, push the button, and let's see what happens. Leonard: Okay, yeah. What do we have to lose? I'm a little nervous. Sheldon: Well, get over it. Confidence is key in these situations. Leonard: Right. Sheldon: (gasps) You pushed it, are you out of your mind? Voice: May I help you? Leonard: Um, uh, uh, uh, we don't have an appointment, and, and we don't belong here, but we, we're, like, crazy-big fans. I mean... (stammers) uh, buh, buh, "crazy for Star Wars" crazy, not crazy like we have a backpack full of duct tape, although we do have a backpack that you really don't want to look in. Sheldon: You're blowing it. We want to meet George Lucas and become his friends and play with him. Voice: Hello? This speaker's not working, just pull up. Leonard: And that's how it's done. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The same, further inside the ranch ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: All right, we've defeated the first challenge. Now we must steel ourselves to face the monster who defends the gate. Leonard: We're trying to get past a security guard, not rescue Zelda. Sheldon: I think what really needs to be rescued is your sense of whimsy, but one quest at a time. So what's the plan? Leonard: Uh, I'm just gonna be honest with the guy. Sheldon: Honesty will never get us in. Leonard: Well, what's your plan? Sheldon: All right, my plan is predicated on the assumption that they have a nurse's office and your willingness to be lightly stabbed. Security Guard: Who are you here to see? Leonard: Uh, I'm just gonna tell you the truth. Sheldon: Oh, you are killing me. Leonard: We don't have an appointment. We, we're just fans of Mr. Lucas's work, and we thought we'd take a shot and see if we could get in and look around. Security Guard: Sorry, guys, we get this a lot. Can't let you in. Sheldon: What if I told you that I was the voice of Yoda? (imitating Yoda) A recording session I must attend. Leonard: I'm sorry, don't listen to him. We're actually physicists. We're giving a lecture at Berkeley later today. We just, we had some time to kill. Security Guard: Hey, listen, you seem like decent guys. I can't let you in, but I got some hats and T-shirts I can give you. Leonard: Thank you so much. See? Maybe honesty is the best... (door opens) What are you doing? Sheldon: Shedding the yoke of my oppressors, you blind, sad little man. Security Guard: Don't move. Code A-A-23, A-A-23. Voice: Copy. Sheldon: I can see the ranch, Leonard. Oh, it's rustic, it's lovely. I'd take a picture, but people are chasing me. I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna make it. They have Tasers, but they wouldn't dare use... Aaaaaaagh! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Wolowitz's house ] [SCENE_BREAK] Howard: Come on, Raj. You are the King Kong of Ping-Pong. You are the menace of table tennis. Put her away, 'cause I don't have a third one. Yes! Yes! (whoops) Amy: Rajesh eight, Penny four. Penny: Sorry, he's really good. Bernadette: Hey, Raj. if Howard can't keep the TARDIS, how great would it look at your place? Raj: What? Howard: Yeah, what? Bernadette: I don't know much about Doctor Who, but if, um, you were to put this right outside your front door and open up the back, it would be like your entire apartment was the inside of the TARDIS, which is pretty cool 'cause on the show, the inside of the TARDIS is bigger than the outside. But then again, I don't know much about Doctor Who. Howard: Don't listen to her. You and I go way back, we're like brothers. Raj: We are. We are. Oh, no. What a terrible serve. Sorry, brother. Amy: Eight-five. Howard: This is ridiculous. I want a new champion. Amy, were you serious about being able to serve? Amy: Uh, it, it's been a long time. I don't know. I'm probably pretty rusty. Penny: Wow. Howard: She's my champion. Bernadette: Well, if you can switch champions, so can I. I want Raj. Penny: Hey. Bernadette: Oh, come on, like you even care. Penny: I care. Oh, wait, no, I don't. Good luck, Raj. Howard: You know, I thought our friendship meant more to you. Raj: So did I. [SCENE_BREAK] [ An office in Skywalker Ranch ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: Do you think they're gonna call the police? Leonard: I don't know. Maybe they'll call Imperial Officers to take us to a holding cell on the Death Star. Sheldon: Oh, I think that's below the pay grade of an Imperial Officer. Stormtroopers are really the ones who... Leonard: Oh, shut up. Nerdy Guy: He's right. Uh, Stormtroopers actually combine both the function of infantry and military police. Leonard: Uh-huh, I'm normally very nice, but you shut up, too. Sheldon: So, what are you in for? Nerdy Guy: Honestly, I just wanted to meet Mr. Lucas and say thank you. You know, growing up, the movies had such an impact on my life. I never really fit in anywhere. Till I discovered the worlds he created and finally found a place where I belong. Sheldon: But why are you here? Nerdy Guy: Oh, I, uh, I hopped a fence, and they caught me in the sculpture gallery making out with a Chewbacca statue. Sheldon: Excuse me. Leonard, they have a sculpture gallery. Security Guard: All right, I talked to my supervisor, and we're gonna let you go with a warning. (sighs in relief) But if you ever come back, we will call the police and press charges. Leonard: We understand. Thank you so much. Nerdy Guy: Uh, what about me? Security Guard: No, you're not going anywhere, kissy face. Let's go. I have to take your picture to post at the guard gate. Sheldon: Uh, one question about that picture. Can it be with George Lucas? (imitating Yoda) Ooh, grumpy you are. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Mrs Wolowitz's house ] [SCENE_BREAK] Howard: Okay, this is the match that decides it all. First to 11 wins. Serve switches every five points. And just so you know, when this started, I was going to put the TARDIS in a discreet corner of the house, but I've since turned mean, and now it's going right in the middle of the living room on a rotating platform with a sign that says "suck it". Game on. Bernadette: Except, Raj is gonna win. Isn't that right, Raj? Raj: Uh, yeah, I mean, her serve was pretty good. Bernadette: Come on, get in her head. Be intimidating. Raj: Okay, uh, I'm gonna own you, bitch. Penny: Whoa. Bernadette: Hey. Amy: That's not nice. Raj: Let's just play. Howard: One-zero. Two. Three. Four. Five-nothing. (chuckles) Wait, did you play badminton or sad-minton? Bernadette: Don't listen to him, all she's got is a serve. Now, grab a fresh tampon and put her away. Raj: What, and that's not offensive? Where's the line? Penny: It's in your purse. Play. Bernadette: One-five. Two-five. Three-five. Four-five. Five-five. Howard: Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten-five. Bernadette: Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten-ten. Amy: Well, that was an exciting 40 seconds. Howard: It was, and now the serve is back to you, and the game is over. Bernadette: You know, Amy, I, uh, can't help but wonder how Sheldon would react if the TARDIS was at your place. Howard: Don't listen to her, just hit the ball. Amy: Keep talking. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Amy's apartment ] [SCENE_BREAK] Bernadette: If this doesn't get him into your bedroom, nothing will. [SCENE_BREAK] [ The stairwell ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: Are you still mad at me? Leonard: Yes, we missed our lecture, we were almost arrested, and you got me locked in a room with a man who forced his tongue down the throat of a stuffed Wookiee. Sheldon: Boy, some people are just glass-half-empty. Leonard: The glass is empty, Sheldon. It's completely empty. If you gave that glass to a man who was dying of thirst, he would be dead, do you know why? Sheldon: Before I answer, was he a smoker? I think you're looking at this all wrong. Leonard: Fine, then tell me how I should be looking at it. Sheldon: Well, not only did we go to Skywalker Ranch, we got in. And no one we know can say that. And for all the times you find me irritating, today you got to watch someone shoot me with a Taser. Leonard: That part was pretty good. Sheldon: See? Leonard: You did flop around a lot. Sheldon: I'll take your word for it. I was too busy trying not to defecate. Leonard: You know, when they were escorting us to the detaining room, I looked through a door, and I'm pretty sure I saw a display case with the Ark of the Covenant. Sheldon: That's amazing. Leonard: I know. Sheldon: And I saw Jabba the Hutt riding by on a motorcycle. Although that was right after the Tasing, so who can say for sure? Leonard: I guess this could count as an adventure. Sheldon: It was. And even though we're not allowed back there, they can never take today away from us. Unlike my sense of smell, which hasn't returned since the Tasing. No, I got nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Amy's bedroom ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sheldon: Amy, the Daleks are right on my tail, quick, we need to reset the time circuits. Oh, no, I left my sonic screwdriver behind. Amy: Really should have thought this through.	Plan: A: Sheldon; Q: Who was tased by the security guard? A: UC Berkeley; Q: Where are Sheldon and Leonard headed to give a lecture on the paper they wrote together? A: time; Q: What did Sheldon and Leonard have to spare before their lecture? A: Skywalker Ranch; Q: Where did Sheldon and Leonard decide to drive by? A: George Lucas; Q: Who does Sheldon want to meet at Skywalker Ranch? A: the front gate; Q: Where did Sheldon and Leonard get past to get to Skywalker Ranch? A: the truth; Q: What did Leonard tell the security guard at Skywalker Ranch? A: a Taser; Q: What is Sheldon hit with when he runs from the security guard? A: home; Q: Where does Leonard go after he is forbidden to return to Skywalker Ranch? A: Mrs. Wolowitz's house; Q: Where are the gang cleaning out for a garage sale? A: A dispute; Q: What happens over Howard's Doctor Who's TARDIS? A: a Ping pong match; Q: How did the gang decide the fate of the TARDIS? A: Penny playing; Q: Who is playing for Bernadette? A: Bernadette; Q: Who says that Amy can have the TARDIS's doors to trick Sheldon into going inside her bedroom? A: Raj; Q: Who does Bernadette say has to take the TARDIS? A: Amy; Q: Who is the person who is about to win the ping pong match? A: the Fourth Doctor; Q: What character does Sheldon dress up as to trick Amy into going into her bedroom? Summary: Sheldon and Leonard are headed to UC Berkeley to give a lecture on the paper they wrote together. With time to spare, they decide to drive by Skywalker Ranch but Sheldon wants to go inside, hoping to meet George Lucas. They get past the front gate, but Leonard tells the security guard the truth. Sheldon decides to make a run for it and is hit with a Taser. They are let off with a warning and are forbidden to return. At home Leonard is initially angry, but admits it was a fun adventure and he enjoyed seeing Sheldon get tased. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang are cleaning out Mrs. Wolowitz's house for a garage sale. A dispute occurs over Howard's Doctor Who's TARDIS - whether to sell it or not. They agree to decide its fate via a Ping pong match with Penny playing for Bernadette and Raj for Howard. Penny starts losing so Bernadette says Raj has to take it can buy it and he starts playing for her with Amy playing for Howard. Amy is about to win until Bernadette says she could have the TARDIS's doors to trick Sheldon into going inside her bedroom. Amy does so, but is disappointed when Sheldon runs into her bedroom dressed as the Fourth Doctor and then leaves.
Doctor: I see you brought your wife along for moral support. Russ: Yeah. She's here to make sure I go through with it. Doctor: No one likes getting cut down there. A vasectomy's a very simple procedure. An incision is made above the testicles. We sever the tubes, then we seal them. That's it. No more sperm in the ejaculate. How cool is that? Russ: So cool. Doctor: May I ask what birth control method you're currently using? Russ: Oh, uh, abstinence. Lina: Condoms. Russ: But mostly abstinence. Doctor: What made you decide that a vasectomy is the right procedure? Russ: Oh, I didn't decide. This was pretty much all her. Doctor: Really? Lina: I just don't want him going off and starting a new family. He can barely afford the one that he has. Russ: Wow. You know what? While you're down there, just take the whole thing off. I don't need it. Lina: I'm comfortable with that. S01E03 Russ: Yeah, I think Lina feels bad about the whole surgery thing, so, she's taking me on a little romantic getaway. Jess: Oh. AJ: Oh. Jess: It's like a... vasectomy-moon. Russ: I guess. AJ: One last trot around the track before you're carted off to the glue factory. Jess: Who's watching the kids? Russ: What? You are. Jess: What? Russ: Dude, that's... Jess: Since when? Russ: We talked... Since... Jess (Laughing): I'm messing with you. AJ (Laughing): Looking so dumb. Russ: So not cool. No, I'm just excited for the hotel sx. We haven't had real sx in our own bed since, like, the kids. Jess: Mm. Russ: I feel like hotel sx is the only thing that's left anymore. Jess: Oh, yeah. I would kill someone for hotel sx. Shep doesn't even look at me anymore. AJ: Jess, what do you expect? You married an old guy. Jess: No, that's not what it is. It's that I'm, like... I annoy him. Like, I'm annoying. Oh, thanks, assholes. (Laughter) Do you know that I told him the other day... I went up to him, and I was, like, "I've been sexting the neighbor," and it was just, like, nothing. AJ: Wait. What?! Russ: You sexted the neighbor? Jess: We were just joking around. But his wife... she has no sense of humor. AJ: Oh, she doesn't like you sexting her husband? She's terrible. Jess: She doesn't want other people to be happy? That's messed up. AJ: Totally. Jess: Right. Russ: Yeah. AJ: She's really unreasonable. Jess: You shut up. You... what time are you dropping your kids off tomorrow? Russ: No idea. AJ: Whenever, man. What is time? Jess: Thanks, brah. Russ: I wish. (Lina and Jess laughing) Russ: Thank you guys. Shepard: All right. Jess: Have fun! Lina: Okay. Jess: And don't worry about your children. Shepard: Hey, is it okay if we take 'em for ice cream? Lina: Honestly, I don't care what you feed 'em. Russ: Feed them rocks. Shepard: Got it. Rocks. Russ: Bye. Thanks again. (Car horn toots) Charlene: Excuse me. Do you have a second? Shepard: Uh, look, Jess is sorry about texting your husband. She just... she gets carried away. Uh, but it's never gonna happen again. Jess: I'm sorry. Shepard: She's sorry. Charlene: Marco never came home last night. We had a fight, and he's not picking up his phone. Have you guys been in contact? Jess: No. I swear, we have not. Total bitch, right? Shepard: Yeah. Lina: Are we crazy for leaving our kids with that psycho? Russ: I don't know. Shep's sort of normal. Lina: He married her. Russ: Open my wallet right now. Look inside. Tell me what you see. (Lina gasps) Lina: What?! A condom? Russ: Right? Not only a condom. The last condom. The very last condom that you and I will ever use together. Lina: The end of an era. Russ: Indeed. Russ: Wow. Lina: I know. Russ: Can we afford this? Lina: I got a groupon. Russ: 'Cause you're the best. Lina: I am. Russ: Wow. Lina: I feel like this place is gonna make a killer Margarita. Russ (Whispering): What's with all the khaki? Lina: Oh. "Welcome Nordoff Worldwide." We're at a company retreat. Russ: I can work at Nordoff. Lina: You wouldn't last five minutes at Nordoff. Russ: I could be a businessman. Lina: Uh-uh. Russ: Pork futures. Lina: Really? Russ: It's the future of pork. Lina: That's not what futures is. Russ: Hi. I'm David Nordoff. This is my wife Gail. (Lina laughing) We're about to use our last condom, so... Lina: Sorry. Russ: Do not disturb. Russ: The guy gave it to me. Thought I put it in the bag. Lina: I know better than to trust you with a key. Kim: Are you serious? Tyler: No. Kim: Did you lose the key in two minutes? Tyler: No. Hey. Russ: Hey. Tyler: No, I think I gave it to you in the lobby. Kim: No, you did not! Tyler: I'm pretty sure I did, though. Kim: No. Look. Remember, the guy gave it to me... Kim: And then... then the guy took all our stuff... Kim: No. (Lina sighs) (Toilet flushing) (Door opening) Lina: Hey. Russ: Hi. What, uh... what happened to the thing I got you? Lina: Um... I took it back... and got this. Russ: It looks good. Lina: So... want to do it? Russ: Sure. Ow. Your knee is... Lina: What? Russ: Oh, it's fine. I think I need you to... I need you to warm me up or something. Lina (Whispering): My jaw's getting sore. Russ: Oh, sh1t. I fell out. Lina: Oh, we can get it back. Russ: No. Lina: Come on. Russ: I can't. Lina: Oh. (Lina groans) (Russ sighs) (Tyler and Kim moaning on other side of wall) (Bed squeaking) Russ: Oh, my God. (Tyler moans) (Russ sighs) Tyler: You like that? Russ: I mean... Tyler: You like that? Huh? Kim: Yes. Oh. Lina: Can they hear us not having sx? (Loud moaning) Russ: Oh, look. It's the screamers. Lina: Oh, man. Her ass is so tiny. Russ: Mm-hmm. It is. Lina: Does that get you hard? Russ: It probably would. Lina: Well, look at it. Lina: Whew! Kim: Are you guys with Nordoff? Russ: Uh, as a matter of fact, yeah. Yeah, I run the, uh, green tech division. I replaced Peterson. His wife... Lina: He's lying to you. Kim: Oh. (Chuckles) Russ: Sorry. He's... we're on a romantic getaway. Kim: Oh, wow. Lina: What about you guys? Kim: Uh, I'm-I'm at Nordoff. But Tyler's my plus one. Lina: Oh. Tyler: I'm a constant plus one. Kim: No, he's a really... actually a great chef. Lina: Really? Kim: Mm-hmm. Tyler: Well, I mean, like, not technically yet. Like, I'm not a chef yet. Kim: Well, you're going to be. Kim: We're gonna, um, open a restaurant so I can quit my stupid job. And call it TK's. Russ: We used to have a TK's. Our own little TK's. Lina: Yeah. Russ: Little surf shop in Venice. Tyler: Cool. Kim: Oh, wow. Lina: It was a really bad investment, but it was super cute. We did all right for a little while. Lina: No, we didn't, actually, but it was fun. Kim: You know, while you're young. Tyler: Yeah. (Doorbell rings) Charlene: I need to talk to your wife. He's ignoring all my calls and texts. I'm so sorry. I don't really understand how I could help here. I thought that maybe, you know, he'd respond to you. Jess: I think probably that should just end, don't you? Charlene: No. No, you know, just... just can you communicate with him? Like, the way that you communicate with him? Shepard: I believe she's asking you to sext her husband. Jess: All right, I don't think that that's a very good idea. Shepard: She would love to help you. [SCENE_BREAK] Russ: So apparently they just make a small incision just right above the testicle and then they go in with two metal pliers, basically, and stretch the incision out a little bit, pull the two tubes out... Tyler: That sounds awful, man. It sounds bad. Lina: You feel a pinch. Tyler: Remember when we, uh... when we fixed Brutus? Kim: Oh, God. God, that was really sad. Lina: I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Russ: What happened? Tyler: I mean, at first, nothing. He just walked around the apartment humping everything like normal and then... Kim: He humped a lot. Tyler: One day the humping just stopped. I mean, it's like he... he realized that there was no point anymore. So now he just sleeps all day on the couch. It's a bummer. Kim: Aw, he's a good dog. Tyler: He is. Well, I'm pruning up. We should get back to the room. Kim: Yeah. Lina: Good luck with chef school. (Moaning through wall) (Bed squeaking) Lina: Do you want to try again, honey? Russ: No. Lina: Oh, come on. You want to? Russ: I need to take a walk. Ina: Okay, baby. I'm going to wait here. Russ: I bet he's got his finger in her ass. I bet he's got his thumb, like... Right up there. (Moaning continues) Tyler: Hey, dude. Russ: Hey. Tyler: Kim's taking a nap. Russ: Yeah, Lina, too. Tyler: Yeah. Guess we wore 'em out, huh? (Both chuckle) Russ: You-you know it. Tyler: Can I get one of these? Do you like cars? Russ: Yeah. Tyler: Check this guy out. Russ: Nice. Tyler: Yeah, right? Russ: Wow. That a road runner? Tyler: Yep. Russ: Early '70s? Tyler: Uh, '69. Russ: Mm, second year they made 'em. Tyler: Wow, dude. Droppin' knowledge. Impressive. You're a lot cooler than I thought. Russ (Chuckles): Thank you. Oh, that's really beautiful. Tyler: A man can dream, right? Russ: How far away is it? Tyler: Not far. Russ: You want to go check it out? How much are they asking? Tyler: Eight grand. Russ: No. Tyler: Yeah. Dude, I mean, this thing's got to be worth three times that. Tyler: I mean, I guess they just want to get rid of it. Russ: Aw, sh1t. If I was your age, I would go for it. I mean, you have no kids, no mortgage. A wife with a good job. I mean, look at this thing. Oh, it's so sweet, dude. Tyler: Eight grand is a lot of money though. It's not though. I mean, if you have it and you can do it... I don't know. I would do it. Tyler: Can you believe it?! Russ: I feel so cool. Tyler: Dude, this is my muscle car. Russ: Dude, congratulations. Tyler: Thank you. Russ: This is awesome. Tyler: Yeah. I just want to really and sincerely thank you for helping me pull the trigger on this. I never would've done it unless I met you and you, like, pushed me to do it. Russ: No. Sometimes you just need that push, you know? Tyler: Chef school can wait. I mean, Kim will get it, right? Russ: What? This was your chef school money? You said it was a good investment. I can get, like, three times what I paid for it, right? Russ: I mean... yeah. I'm not exactly an expert, so, you know, I... It's just, you know, with the... You know, economy. (Tyler whoops) Charlene: So, uh, how does it usually start? Jess: I don't know. This is weird. It never went that far. We were just joking around. What did you guys joke about? Jess: I don't know, just stupid... like, "oh, neither one of us are having very much sx, like, um, with our partners." Shepard: Well, maybe you could joke about that right now. 'Cause it's funny. (Jess sighs) Jess: "Shep... is asleep... On... the sofa. What are... you up to?" (Phone chimes) He knows that he's not supposed to text me, so he's not going to respond, okay? Charlene: Okay. (Phone dings) Is that... is that him? Jess: Um... Shepard: "Just thinking about you." That's so sweet. "Wanna play?" (Phone chimes) (Phone dings) "Only want to play if it's dirty." "Thinking about... your balls." Jess: No, you're not. No. Mm-mm. Shepard: Well, change what you don't like. Jess: "I've been a very bad girl. Forgot... to... wear... panties. Uh-oh." (Phone chimes) (Phone dings) Shepard: "Sounds like you need to be punished." Okay, so, working off of that, how do you think you should be punished? Seriously. Charlene: Yeah. Jess: Okay, fine. "I deserve to be tied up." Shepard: That's right. Eh, uh... Jess: "And... peed on"? Shepard: See, now that sounds right. (Phone chimes) Charlene: What is wrong with you people? Shepard: Excuse me. We're trying to help you. Jess: Okay, can we just regroup for a second? We were just joking around. Nobody was ever gonna act on anything, okay? (Phone dings) Shepard: "Let's meet up." How 'bout that? Charlene: Yeah, okay. Yeah, let's do it. "I'll be there. Pick a place. Getting excite... Getting wet. Gushing... Thinking about it." (Phone chimes) (Phone dings) Shepard: "Valley Oak Bar, north Hollywood. On my way." Charlene: Okay, let's go. Jess: Let's not, let's not. (Shortgh) Let's not. Jess: Not him. It's not him. Shepard: He's late. I don't think he's coming. Jess: Yeah. Charlene: Well... Maybe... maybe he's not, but maybe... maybe I should be sexual messaging neighbors. Maybe that will get his attention, you know? Or maybe I'll go brunette. Maybe I should just shave off all my hair... pubes, too. You know, maybe I should get boobs, but... maybe I'll just get bigger drinks. Shepard: I think it might be time to cut Charlene off. Jess: Oh, you think so? Shepard: And get her home. Shepard: You know what, sweetie? Charlene and I were talking, and I just explained to her that sometimes people send texts and just, like you said, this is not... he's not gonna act on it, and it's... Jess: Right. Charlene: Right. Shepard: He's not gonna show up, and you have nothing to worry... But we'll just... We'll get, we'll get her a cab and she's... gonna go home. Charlene: Yeah. Shepard: It's gonna be okay. Charlene: Thank you. Jess: Oh, oh, you know what... Shepard: Yeah, okay. Charlene: Thank you. Shepard: Okay. That was weird. Jess: Yup. Shepard: Yeah. I said it's gonna be fine, but I don't think so. Jess: No. Shepard: No, I-I don't think those two are gonna make it. Jess: I don't think so, either, especially since he just showed up at this bar. And I waved him off. And that was that. Shepard: You're smooth. Jess: I'm very smooth. Are you still mad at me? Shepard: No. No, no... no. Jess: No, you're not, because you kind of like it when I get us into these jams... that's kind of your thing. Shepard: I knew who I was marrying. You're really a lot of trouble. Jess: Mm-hmm. Lina: Where are those guys? Kim: I don't know. Sounds like a real bro-fest. Lina: Russ always makes friends. (Engine rumbling) (Horn honks) Tyler: What do you think? Huh? Kim: Is that your guys' car? Lina: No. That is definitely not ours. Tyler: I just bought this. For us. Kim: For us? Well, I mean, like, I have my whole life to go to chef school, so... Kim: You bought this stupid piece of sh1t for us? Tyler: Well, it's not a stupid piece of sh1t. Lina: Um, it's a... It's a really a beautiful car. Russ: It is, it's-it's, it is a... it's a '69. Lina: Really? Russ: Which... yeah, which was one of the first... Lina: Wait, this is a '69? Russ: Which was one of the first... Kim: What about the restaurant? Lina: That makes it even cooler. Kim: That was our future. The restaurant's still our future. And, uh, Russ was saying that we should live in the now. Lina: You know, restaurants usually fail within the first year, anyway, so... Russ: They do, within the first year... some within six months. Lina: He could actually be saving you money. Russ: And you know what? You guys... you know, this is the time to-to ride free. You know, with, like... Lina: Once you start having kids... you're never gonna have a chance like this again. Russ: Yeah, unencumbered. Did this moron talk you into this? He told me it was gonna be a really good investment. Russ: That's not... No, you know what, I never actually, I, we didn't... Did you just call my husband a moron? Yeah, if he made my husband buy this car, then he's a moron. Lina: Uh, my husband can't make anyone do anything. Russ: That's true, I... Lina: 'Cause my husband would never do anything this stupid. Russ: Wait. Lina: And if he did, he certainly wouldn't blame it on anyone else, right, honey? Russ: Right. Kim: I don't... I don't need your sad, boring old couple advice, okay? I'm doing just fine alone. Tyler: Babe, you should just take a ride in it. (Lina and Russ laughing) Russ: Do you remember when we were that dumb? Lina: Baby, you're still that dumb. I know, but that's how you like it. Lina: I do. Russ: Real dumb. Lina: So dumb. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah! So dumb. Oh, oh, oh, oh! (Russ grunting) (Lina screaming) Oh, oh, my God! Russ: Oh. (Both moaning) (Both breathing heavily) Lina: Oh, yeah. (Laughs) (Laughing) Can we do it again? Russ: I don't... We're out of supplies. (Lina sighs) (Knocking) Russ: Uh, you don't happen to have an extra condom, do you? Kim: Who the hell is that? Tyler: Uh... Lina: How did it go? Russ: Barely felt a thing. Doctor: Oh, hey, guys, uh, before I forget... no mstrbtng for 48 hours. Russ: No problem. Lina: You're never gonna make it. Russ: No, not a chance.	Plan: A: a romantic getaway; Q: What do Russ and Lina go on to reconnect? A: their romance; Q: What do distractions get in the way of for Russ and Lina? A: loud sex; Q: What is the young couple having in the room next to Russ and Lina? A: the provider; Q: What is the woman in the room next to Russ and Lina's revealed to be? A: chef school; Q: What is the young man saving for? A: Russ convinces; Q: Who gets the young man to buy a classic car? A: trouble; Q: What does Russ get the young man in? A: Jess; Q: Who is the woman next door to who asks her to stop sexting her husband? A: Jess' phone; Q: What does Shep use to sext the man? Summary: Russ and Lina go on a romantic getaway to reconnect, but distractions get in the way of their romance. While there, they meet the young couple that is having loud sex in the room next to theirs. The woman is revealed to be the provider as her hunky boyfriend says he's saving for chef school. Russ convinces the young man to buy a classic car, getting him in trouble. Seeing the young couple quarreling turns on Lina, and she and Russ then have loud sex of their own. Elsewhere, the woman next door to Jess asks her to stop sexting her husband, and Shep makes things uncomfortable by grabbing Jess' phone and sexting the man, pretending to be her.
CRU - Library Evan and Calvin are studying. Calvin : Screw the poor ? Evan : Survivor of the richest. Calvin : Doesn't that seem... wrong ? Evan : You want an A in Finsterbach's macro-econ class, then you have to understand Finster hates anybody below the poverty line. Calvin : So just ignore chapters ten through 13 for the midtern ? Evan : He calls them the homeless pages. I think it's best to just close your eyes and pretend they're not even there. Calvin : Nice. Omega Chi membership certainly has its privileges. KT House Beaver : Heads up, coming through. Heath : It's like Christmas morning. Rusty : Are you guys group filing ? Cappie : It's midterns. We're studying. Beav' Clemo's past ten midterns for American history 312-K. Beaver : Profiles in Courage ? Cappie : Be Brave ? Rusty : You're handing out old tests ? Cappie : No. These are just study aids. It's a sum total of all Kappa Tau knowledge compiled over the last 30 years. These are weapons against the insidious administrations and their C grade point average requirements for fraternity membership. Rusty : You know, I've never gotten below an A. All : Boo ! Spitter, get out of here ! Cappie : Ape shall not kill ape ! All hooting. Cappie : Psychology 303 : from Dr. Freud to Dr. Phil. Heath : It's like five years old. Got anything more recent ? Cappie : You'll be fine. Alkin recycles tests every five years to stop people cheating. Rusty : But isn't this cheating ? Cappie slams drawer shut. Cappie : Cheating ? Would our esteemed professors continue to reuse the same tests over and over, knowing full well that future students could easily recycle them ? It's their unspoken gesture of solidarity against the evil administration. I think it's brave that they're doing this. Can I offer you a study aid ? Cappie opens Science drawer. Cappie : Oh ! Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Heath. (British accent) We seem to be a bit light in the polymer sciences. Rusty : That's all right (laughs). Jen K comes. Jen K : Hey. Rusty : Ready for dinner ? Jen K : Yeah, but I though you had a physics review session tonight. Rusty : It's optional. I already studied everything. I know it cold. Besides, we've been going out for 11 days and you know what that means ? Jen K : We've been going out for 264 hours. Rusty : Our two-week anniversary is coming up and I was hoping that maybe we could... Groaning. CRU - Library Ashleigh : So then Travis says he's done with midterns and he can fly in for a visit. He gets in tomorrow morning. Isn't that great ? Frannie : Super ! Did it dawn on him that we might still be in midterns ? Ashleigh : Of course it did, which is why he volunteered to tutor anyone who needs it. He's really good at that. Frannie : Oh my god, Rebecca just got a graspesced brown sugar rub. I wish my dad would send me to Canyon Ranch to recover. Casey : It was a gift to us all. Ashleigh : Hey Casey, when Travis gets here do you want to study... ? Evan comes. Evan : Ewcuse me. Hello. Um, Casey, I was wondering if you could help me find a book in the stacks. Casey : Sorry, already got a study buddy. Ashleigh : Frannie ? Frannie : Yeah, no. I'm good. Thanks. CRU - Library Evan : Casey, you and I have been through an awful lot the past year. You know, with the misunderstandings, the cheating, problems with my parents. Casey : Yeah, but we've beer doing better. Evan : Only because we've been pretending that there's nothing wrong. And sometimes... (sighs) it's not enough. Casey : Evan, are you... ? Evan : Listen, because I deserve more, and so do you. And I've been thinking about this a lot lately. And I...We... We can't go on like this. So... Casey : Your letters. You're lavaliering me ? Evan : I mean, if you'll accept. Both chuckling. Credits Casey : You're supposed to say congratulations. Rusty : Sorry, congratulations. What's lavaliering? Casey : It's when you give your letters to a girl as a symbol of your commitment to one another. It's the first step to pinning, engagement. Rusty : Oh, congratulations. Cappie : Oh, look at this! The Cartwright kids. You know, you two should band together and solve mysteries, fight crime. Got the perfect name for it. There's a sketchy janitor who I think is up to something. Rusty : Casey got lavaliered by Evan . Casey : Hey, that's supposed to be a secret. Rusty : Why'd you tell me? Casey : Good question. Cappie : Congrats, Case. Casey : Thanks. Cappie : Your kids will be very... Aryan. Casey : Good luck with midterms, Rusty. Rusty : Bye. Casey leaves. Cappie : So when did it happen? Rusty : Last night, I guess. Cappie : That means one day till the candle-passing ceremony, and another before Evan makes his presentation on the ZBZ lawn, which means she's still technically "un-lava-ed" for two more days. Rusty : I still can't believe she's with that jerk. Omega Chi House Ashleigh : And I didn't have a date to junior prom, which is when Travis called. Except that he thought he was talking to my best friend Kristen. Calvin : Yep. Travis : And Ashleigh was so excited to talk to me that I completely forgot about mixing up the phone numbers. And obviously I forgot about Kristen too. Ashleigh : And we've been together ever since. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Travis : Aw ! Calvin : So you said. Five times. Travis : Ashleigh neglected to mention the fact that Kristen is now pre-law at Yale. Ah, the frat house. Ashleigh : Evan and Calvin moved one of the actives so you could stay for the weekend. Wasn't that nice? Travis : Thanks, Evan. Calvin : It's Calvin. Travis : Sorry. Ashleigh : He's really bad with names. Travis : Where can I wash up? Calvins : Upstairs, right past the bedchamber. Travis : Okay. Travis leaves. Ashleigh : Do me a favor, all right? Don't tell Travis how drunk I got at the military mixer. He doesn't like when I drink too much. Calvin : Yeah. CRU - Class Teacher : There are five stages to the hero's journey. Stage one is the"call to adventure," that's where an act of fate actually chooses our hero. Okay, then... Cappie comes. Teacher : Can I help you? Cappie : Uh, yeah, sorry, I'm late. Teacher : You're about two months late, Mister... Cappie : Cappie. Hey, Case. Casey : I thought you dropped this class. Cappie : So did I. Teacher : As I was saying, stage two is where the hero proves himself worthy on a road of travels. We go to stage three, where he achieves self-knowledge usually through a mystical source. Stage four, he confronts his true desires. And then in stage five, the stakes are set. The hero and the world are transformed. Now do we have any examples of that? Casey : Uh, yeah. Prometheus? King Arthur? Capppie : "Star Wars" and "The Matrix. " Teacher : You know, those are really good examples, Mr. Cappie. That segues us perfectly into our midterm essay assignment. We're going to compare and contrast literary and cinematic heroes and their relationship to Campbell's paradigm. You're gonna be working in teams. My T. A. posted your team partner's names on the bulletin board in the hallway. So that's it, you guys. Good luck. CRU - Hallway Casey : There's been a horrible mistake. Cappie : Some might call it fate... Partner. Casey : You can't be my partner. You've only been to two classes. Cappie : Uh, three, including today. Casey : You haven't read the material. This is ridiculous. Cappie : Do you really want to go against the teacher? Casey : Fine, we'll write the paper together, but you have to take this seriously. This is a big part of our final grade. It's huge. Cappie : And so the adventure begins. CRU - Rusty and Dale's room Dale : So collagen scaffolds don't react to external positive ions? Boy : No... Well, I mean, they do, but... Dale : It's not on the test. I got it. Boy : Yes, listen, I gotta finish up my dissertation, write a paper on speech pattern recognition, clean my oven, wash my cat. Dale : And meet me at the library at 9:00, right? Boy : Yeah, 9:00, library. Boy leaves. Rusty : You're being tutored for Hastings' physics midterm by his teaching assistant? Dale : I'm actually helping him. Okay, Harville's in my purity pledge group, and he's been trying to find his way back to the path of enlightenment, so I volunteered to help with his "re-virginization. " Rusty : His what? Dale : In order to gain a second virginity, it takes significant amounts of prayer and testimony. So in return for saving his soul, Harville's graciously offered physics tutoring. But between you and me, I think he's getting the better deal. Rusty : But why? You already know the material. Couldn't you have left out the physics part? Dale : Considering Hastings sprung all the new material on us, i'm just chalking this one up to God's will. Rusty : New material for a midterm? Dale : Five new chapters assigned at the review session. Rusty : Five?! But the review session was optional. Dale : No, Harville's mine. You can't have him. ZBZ House - Living room Ashleigh : That is for a candle passing ceremony. Please don't tell me you're pregnant. That would be really weird. Casey : Lavaliered. Ashleigh : Ah !!!! Casey : I promised Evan I'd keep it a secret. Ashleigh : Oh, not good at secrets. I get all hive-y. Wow, this is so great ! Maybe one day Travis and I can take the next step too. Casey : It's pretty amazing that you guys have been together so long . Since high school. And tack on 750 miles of separation to that. Ashleigh :Yeah, long distance relationships are hard, but that's what makes us so great. It strengthens us. Casey : Yeah, but... Sometimes some people in that situation would grow apart. Outgrow each other. Ashleigh : But I owe Travis everything. If it wasn't for him, I never would've gotten into Cyprus-Rhodes. I never would've met you. Casey : Right! But... And I'm just saying how it's really, really great that Travis is definitely who you want. Ashleigh : Of... Course he is. Just like Evan is who you want, right? Casey : Oh, come on! Who wouldn't want Evan? Ashleigh : Right. Casey : Yeah. CRU Rusty : Dr. Hastings, do you have a moment to talk? Teacher : We're talking. We're also walking. Thanks to my superior ability to multi-task. Rusty : Good one, sir. Um, about the last class review... Teacher : Unhappy with the new chapters, are we? Rusty : Aren't review sessions supposed to be about reviewing previously taught material? Teacher : Hypothetically, but then I realized we weren't progressing fast enough in the curriculum, so I took the liberty of making this a little lesson. Science is a rapidly evolving field requiring the ability to grasp concepts quickly. Rusty : Isn't it more important, though, that you teach us physics... Sir? Teacher : It's very simple, Mr. Cartwright. Learn the new material or fail. Oh, and I'll be giving the test in room 407. More space, less cheating. KT House - Garden Casey :Don't tell me. You're arranging a Kappa Tau midterm party. Cappie : Better, a midterm barbecue. For two. Cappie burgers, on account of you picking that Isthmus guy. Casey : His name was Prometheus. Cappie : You still like yours with sliced pickles on top? Casey : Well, one of us has to take this seriously. I bet you don't even have a clue what film hero you want to go with? Cappie : Keanu Reeves. Casey : Not a hero, he's an actor. Cappie : He is a film icon. Casey : I'll write the paper myself and put your name on it, okay? Cappie : Prometheus, a most historic greek god dude, who journeyed on a most excellent quest to bring fire to mankind, only to incur the wrath of the odious Zeus, who chained the dude on yonder mountaintop, where an eagle egregiously scarfed the dude's liver out for like... Infinity. Yeah, I full-on read Campbell's book. Casey : Since this morning? That's impossible. Cappie : A most bodacious masterpiece with many pages in which I forgoed an afternoon of non-bogus fun. Casey : This is school. It's not supposed to be fun. Cappie :Says who? Anything can be fun. And everything should be fun. We had crazy fun all the time when we were going out. sx, drinking... sx... Eating pie in bed. Casey : You... Bought an apple pie? Cappie : Don't you remember the hell raisers and heartbreakers party? Casey : That was lemon meringue. Cappie : Or the pumpkin pecan? Casey : Halloween. We were dressed up as equine Elvis. You were the horse's ass. Or that weekend when we got arrested for protesting protests? Cappie : Blueberry cream. Casey : Cappie. Cappie : Coconut custard? It wasn't that bad, was it? I mean, not all of it. Casey : It was never bad. It just was what it was, and then it was time we grew up. Or at least for one of us. Cappie : Yeah, bummer that one of us had to go and give up on all that fun. Want a bite? Casey : We should write the paper. Cappie : Just a nibble. Casey : If I do, then can we focus on the paper? Cappie : What's the harm in taking one little bite of an apple? CRU - Living room Rusty : I'm not gonna make it. That was just chapter 17. I have four more to go, 36 hours to do it. Jen K : Rusty, you'll get by. You'll cram and you'll survive. Rusty : All my life, I was who I was because I was the smartest. I never thought I'd be the guy who just got by. Jen K : You know what I don't get, is if you're having so much trouble, how is everybody else getting through this? Dale : But polarity reverses in a sub-quantum flux. Harville? Boy : I didn't get enough pills. Just midterms. Dale : Stay with me. I don't understand the polarity. Boy : Just gimme like two more... Dale : Come on, Harville! Rusty : Isn't this, like,prescription speed? Dale : It's what Harville takes to concentrate. He has a medical condition. That's what he told me. Rusty : I think he just needs to sleep it off, Dale. Dale : No, Harville needs to tutor me. So I need to find him drugs. I need drugs. It's as simple as that. All right, I need drugs. Who's got 'em? I'm not a narc. I'm just... Just a guy in a bind. Dobler's Casey : We couldn't do this at the library? Cappie : So we could fall asleep? Libraries are to quiet. Bor-ing! This place is teeming with inspiration. Not to mention refreshing refreshments. Mm, "iblis" has only one "s. " Travis : Since the Greek system is just an excuse to have a bar in your house, isn't this place kind of redundant? Frannie : Uh, there's actually a lot more to the Greek system than drinking. Travis : Sure. How could I forget hangovers and throwing up? Right...? Calvin : Calvin. Travis : I'm terrible with names. Babe, do you think you could go grab us two glasses of pinot noir? Ashleigh : Sure! Calvin : You know, Frannie, Dobler's has an exquisite wine selection. Ashleigh : Two pinot noirs, please. Casey : Since when do you drink wine? Ashleigh : I've always enjoyed a sophisticated drink with a nice bouquet. Ashleigh leaves. Casey : I hate Travis. Cappie : Un-uh, you just hate how Ashleigh turns into a fake, subservient shell of herself when she's around Travis. Casey : Same difference. Cappie : Not unless this is the real Ashleigh, and Travis is just bringing out the person she was always meant to be. Oh, Helva is Egyptian, not Persian. You really should've read the book more closely. Look, my point is,maybe she is finally becoming the person she was meant to be. Casey : If that's the case, she'd be better off not growing up at all. Cappie : Could not agree with you more, especially if growing up turns you into someone you're not. Someone pretentious, boring... Pie-less. Casey : Is this your barely clever, hardly subtle way of commenting on my relationship with Evan? Cappie : It's my barely clever, hardly subtle way of throwing monkey wrenches into the works. Travis : Want to know what I find mos pathetic about the greek system? It's all the pseudo-pageantry. You know, the Greek letters, the latin phrases. And nobody here has a clue to what any of that actually means. Frannie : Excuse me, what... Ashleigh : Hey, let's talk about politics! Casey : I can't listen to this jackass any longer. I'm going to the library. You can stay here with your refreshing refreshments and monkey wrenches. Speaking Latin : Cappie : "Eat my shorts" Casey : What are you doing? Speakin Latin : Travis : "The important thing is knowing when to speak and when to remain silent." Cappie : Don't worry, I used to be a latin major. Casey : Ah. Speaking latin : Travis : "This boy is the stupidest of all." Cappie : "My greatest strengh is wisdom." Travis : "I am the master of the universe." Cappie : "I can't hear you. I have a cucumber stuck in my ear." "....." Cappie : Translation: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? People cheering. Speaking Latin : Cappie : "In wine there is the truth." Cappie : Travis? A round for the house? Travis : Come on, let's go. Frannie : Bye. Ashleigh : Bye, guys. Calvin : Later. Cappie : Where were we? Oh, stage two. "A hero overcomes obstacles. " CRU - Street. Rusty is sleeping on a bench. Casey : Midterms and you decide to go camping. Rusty : Three hours? I only allocated 27 minutes for napping. Casey : Then you'll definitely need this. Rusty : Caffeine. Trimethylxanthine. I spent all last night trying to learn five brain-cramping chapters of physics. My brain's fried. Forget what I studied last night. I can't remember what I learned three weeks ago. Casey : You'll be fine. You always are. Rusty : I busted my ass. I've done everything I could. But i'm gonna fail. The worst part about it, the game's rigged. Old tests, paid tutors for cramming, drugs. College isn't about learning. It's a four-year course on how to get by. Beat the system. Casey : The illusion is shattered, huh? Rusty : It's supposed to be the last bastion for education. A place removed from society where you're inspired. Not discouraged. A place where teachers teach and students learn. Casey : Yeah, and animated deer frolic in the quad. Look, nothing is as simple as you'd want it to be. Just when you think you have everything figured out, someone comes along and complicates things. Rusty : Someone? Casey : Or something. Rusty : So with almost everyone cheating, is it really cheating if you cheat? Casey : Honestly, I don't think there are right or wrong decisions anymore. Everything is relative. Rusty : So I just need to decide what's right for me? Casey : Unfortunately, the hard part isn't choosing. It's living with the choice you make. KT House - Living room Beaver : Thank you. Rusty : Beav seems pretty happy. Cappie : He got so excited about his history midterm, he went online last night and discovered that JFK wasn't just an airport. Rusty : And that LaGuardia was a mayor? Cappie : No one appreciates a showoff, spitter. Rusty : Sorry. So, I was just wondering if maybe you can take another look in the filing cabinets for me. Honors physics? Cappie : The cookie jar's empty. Rusty : I need help. And... And I don't care where or how. I'm willing to do anything. Cappie : Are you really sure you want to do this? You need to do this? Rusty : Yeah. I'm positive. Cappie : You pick the hand with the jelly bean and you go back to your dorm with a burst of fresh blueberry flavor and no questions asked. You take the other one, and you get to see how deep the rabbit hole goes. Rusty : The rabbit hole? Cappie : So, Neo,which one do you choose? [SCENE_BREAK] CRU - Street Evan : So do you have big plans tonight? Casey : I have more work to do on that stupid paper with Cappie. Evan : And the candle-passing ceremony,that's tonight, isn't it? Casey : Oh, yeah, yes! The candle-passing. Very exciting! Evan : So how is that paper coming? Casey : Fine. Surprisingly well, considering it's with Cappie. Evan : Yeah. Casey : On the other hand, he's slightly more motivated than usual. Like he's turned over a new leaf. Evan : Well, I mean, not really. He still came up with the whole... Keanu Reeves approach. Casey : Keanu Reeves actually works, kind of, though, in the construct... Evan : Of Campbell's monomyth? Yeah. I know, I know, I know. "Strange things are afoot at the circle K," "where Keanu must prepare for his most momentous journey of all. " "Saving the world from non-bogus waterslides," "awesome malls, and totally bodacious babes. " Casey : It's quintessential outside-the-box Cappie logic. Evan : No, it's smoke and mirrors. It's parlor tricks. You know, to prop up a lifetime of mediocre grades, getting by and avoiding all expectations. I mean, listen, Cappie is the same guy I knew in freshman year. Okay, he is smart. He is full of potential. At the end of the day, he's going nowhere. Casey : As opposed to you. And me. Evan : Cappie will probably be president of Kappa Tau for the rest of his life. Casey : Or the social director of a sandals resort. Evan : You know, in ten years, I plan on being a Harvard law school grad. I know where I want to be, Casey. Do you? ZBZ House - Dinning room Frannie : Okay, moving on to new business. Ashleigh... We need to talk about Travis. Ashleigh : Uh, what about him? Frannie : We're all sisters here. We look out for each other. We stick together. And to put it mildly, Travis isn't exactly quality glue. You need to dump him. Ashleigh : If this is about last night, he was just joking. In an unfunny way. He's very dry. Frannie : Casey? Casey : Uh, Frannie... Frannie : He publicly mocked the entire Greek system in front of everyone at Dobler's. Not cool. Ashleigh : But I thought everyone liked Travis? Casey : We do. Frannie : We don't. We lied. Ashleigh, even with such obvious pluses that he's hot and has good fashion sense, his many ass-like qualities completely outweigh his un-ass ones. Ashleigh : But he's an Ivy Leaguer. Frannie : Barely. Ashleigh : He goes to Brown. Frannie : And now I know this must be difficult for you, so in the interests of helping you out for the short term, I've made a list of viable dating alternatives that won't bring down the house. We have Adam at Lambda Sig. Alan at Pi Zeta. A whole list just for you. Ashleigh : Casey, help me out. Casey : Ashleigh, no offense, but you deserve better than Travis. Frannie : Oh, whoops, look at that! Time to bring everyone else in. Hey, and I have something special for you guys tonight. A candle passing ceremony. I'm so excited! Ashleigh : Yeah... Me too. CRU - Rusty and Dale's room Rusty : "Welcome to the RU answer center. If you have the cash,we have the answers. Press one for English. To continue in Spanish... English literature from Beowulf to The Canterbury Tales, press one. Organic chem and hysics, press two. For dr. Hastings' honors physics 205 midterm, press one." ZBZ House - Living room Frannie : Okay, it's time for our anonymous someone to reveal herself by blowing out the candle. Once around, friendship. Twice, lavalier. Three times, pinning. Four times, engagement. Jen K : What's five times? Frannie : Murder. Kidding! Okay, settle, girls. All : "Now we pass'round the light,let our love glow and warm you. Let our bonds through the years,let our hearts be joined as one..." Ashleigh : You could have given a me warning before the entire sorority black-balled Travis. Casey : I'm sorry, I tried to talk to you about this before. Ashleigh : I just didn't think that you would join the mob. Casey : Look, Travis isn't remotely right for you. And if you weren't so worried about being single, you'd know that. Ashleigh : Oh, so you and Evan are perfect together? Casey : This isn't about me and Evan. Ashleigh : Maybe it's about you and Cappie. But no one knows how you really feel. Casey : What are you talking about? We're just writing a paper together. Ashleigh : If that were the case, why aren't you blowing out the candle? ZBZ House - Casey and Ashleigh's room Casey : You're not still upset, are you? Ashleigh : Nope, in one ear and out the other. Of course on the way, you drilled a big hole through my brain, not that it matters. Casey : I know how much Travis means to you. But there comes a time when you have to put the past behind you. Ashleigh : Excellent advice. Maybe you should take it yourself. Casey : I'm looking out for you. Ashleigh : Oh, so you're just being helpful? Casey : Ashleigh... I agree with Frannie, but not because of the house. When you're around Travis, you turn from fun, interesting Ashleigh into boring, horrible Ashleigh. You disappear. And as your friend, I just thought you should know that. Ashleigh : But I love him. Casey : Yeah. Sometimes... You outgrow the people you love. Ashleigh : How romantic of you. Casey : Where are you going? Ashleigh : Case, true friends support one another no matter what. Casey : No, real friends tell each other the truth no matter what. Ashleigh : Here's some truth. What you did to me... Sucks. CRU - Rusty and Dale's room Dale : The midterm's in 13 hours. And it's 40% of our total grade. Rusty : Dale, you gotta be careful drinking all that caffeine. Dale : No, my resting heart rate is 145. That's well within tolerance. Rusty : For a hummingbird. Dale : I only have 47 more pages to go. Rusty : I just bought the highest priced candy bars on the planet. "Role of non-centrosymmetry in liquid crystalline and copolymer block self-assemblies. " All the formulas are listed as ingredients. Omega Chi House Travis : Okay, I'm missing my aviators. Ashleigh : I think they're downstairs. Are you sure you have to leave? Travis : Yeah, I've got a lot of work to do back in Providence over the break. Well, have a safe trip back. Calvin : We sure are gonna miss ya. Travis : Yeah, thanks... Ashleigh : I'll be down in a sec. Travis : Okay. Ashleigh : Okay, quick question, real fast. What do you think of Travis, honestly? Calvin : Uh... He's... Not my type. Ashleigh : Good one. My sisters want me to dump him. Calvin : What do you want to do? Ashleigh : I don't know. Calvin : Ashleigh, it doesn't matter what your sisters want or what I think. You date who you want to date. Ashleigh : But Frannie said... Calvin : No, you love who you want to love. You know, and if that's a problem, you just... You keep your private life private. Ashleigh : I'm not a very good liar. Calvin : It's not lying. It's your life. The only person you have to be honest with is yourself. Ashley : Okay. CRU - Exam Class Teacher : 30 minutes left. I suggest that if you haven't begun the essay questions at the end of page three by now, you pick up your test, go straight to the administration, and transfer to something simpler. KT House - Cappie's room Casey : "Only the hero is chosen by fate... " Cappie : "and only he can transcend the obstacles in order to fulfill his destiny... " Casey : "to accomplish the impossible... " Cappie : "and to forever change the world. " Casey : It's... Great. Cappie : We make a good team. Casey : Do we? They kiss. Casey : Maybe it is fate. Cappie :I've got a little a confession to make. It wasn't exactly fate that brought us together. Casey : Define "exactly. " Cappie : I bribed the T. A. With a few bottles of Sandusky lager if he put us two together. Casey : So fate was a six-pack of beer? - No. Cappie : Two six-packs. Casey : Oh, I don't know what I was thinking. I should have guessed this was all just a big scam. Cappie : No scam. I just had to convince you that getting lavaliered was a big mistake. Casey : So I could make a bigger mistake with you? Cappie : Well, not the words I'd choose exactly. Casey : I can't believe it. I have a boyfriend, and I was going to give that all up for one of your jokes. Cappie : This isn't a joke. A joke would be, "a guy walks into a bar... " Casey : Stop, stop! Be a grownup for once. Have a grownup conversation! Cappie : A dyslexic guy walks into a bra? Casey : I can't go back to the way it was. I can't spend the rest of my life protesting protests and eating pie. I have plans, goals. Cappie : I know. I have them too. Casey : Really? I know where I want to be in ten years. Do you? Cappie : I want to be with you. CRU - Rusty and Dale's room Jen K : So I was thinking we could go to this Swedish-Indian fusion place. I heard they have the best curried meatballs and smoked salmon naan in town. Rusty : Jen, do you know how to calculate the surface waves of polymer films? Jen K : No, of course not. Rusty : Well, neither do I. But the problem is, I'm supposed to. Jen K : I don't understand. Rusty : I forgot what learning is about. Why I wanted to study science. It wasn't about getting good grades. I wanted to learn. I cheated. Jen K : You what? Rusty : I got desperate. I didn't know what to do. Well, that's not true. I did, but I cheated anyway. I cheated the school, and worst of all, I cheated myself. Jen K : So... What are you gonna do about it? ZBZ House - Living room Frannie : I am so proud of you. How did Travis take it? Ashleigh : He was pretty shook up. Very sad. Frannie : Tears? Ashleigh : A few. Frannie : Good. So on to bigger and better things? Ashleigh : I'm thinking it would be best to take a few days off from guys. Frannie : Oh, I so understand. The mourning process can be very helpful. Let's talk Saturday. Ashleigh : I'll be at Dobler's. Frannie : Excellent. 'Atta girl. Casey : Ash, is there anything I can... Do... EXT. ZBZ House Men singing "Omega Chi girl, sweet as can be... Omega Chi girl, look and you'll see... A woman fair and true and strong... A woman who's charms are worthy of song... Omega Chi girl send her my love..." Dobler's Rock music playing Calvin : Hey. Ashleigh : So I took your advice, and I am keeping my private life private. Calvin : Good for you. Ashleigh : But... if I have to keep Travis a secret, what do I do about the winter formal and the spring mixer? Calvin : Well, if you don't have anyone else, you can always take me. Ashleigh : You'll beard for me? Calvin : Strange as it may seem. Heath : Calvin, you wanna go catch that game? That's playing? Calvin : Oh... You good? Ashleigh : Yeah, go. I'll see you later. Ashleigh on Phone. Ashleigh : Hey, Travis, I know you're on the plane, but I just wanted to saythat I had a wonderful time, and I can't wait to see you next month in Rhode Island. I love you. EXT. CRU - Street Beaver : That movie sucked. I totally guessed the ending. Cappie : That's not the point. The point is, the hero always wins. Beaver : So it's like one of the rules? Cappie : Absolutely. I mean, the twists and turns that they take, that's just to make it interesting. In the end, good will always triumph over evil. Beaver : Always? Cappie : Without a doubt. EXT. ZBZ House Evan : There we go.I love you, Casey. Casey : I love you too.	Plan: A: Midterms; Q: What takes a backseat to relationship drama? A: old feelings; Q: What is Casey struggling with for Cappie? A: Evan; Q: Who proposes lavaliering Cappie? A: Ashleigh; Q: Whose boyfriend is Travis Van Winkle? A: CRU; Q: Where does Ashleigh's boyfriend come to from Brown? A: Travis; Q: Who did the ZBZ officers force Ashleigh to break up with? A: Rusty's Honors Physics midterm; Q: What is the cause of Rusty's all-nighters? A: Rusty's; Q: Whose Honors Physics midterm has grown in scope? A: a cheating hotline; Q: What does Cappie point Rusty to when he caves to his all-nighter? Summary: Midterms take a backseat to relationship drama as Casey is struggling with old feelings for Cappie, after Evan proposes lavaliering her, and Ashleigh's pompous boyfriend comes to CRU from Brown , irritating everyone. This culminates in the ZBZ officers forcing Ashleigh to break up with Travis ( Travis Van Winkle ), and driving a wedge between Casey and Ashleigh. Meanwhile, Rusty's Honors Physics midterm has grown in scope, forcing him into multiple all-nighters, he finally caves and seeks out Cappie who points him in the direction of a cheating hotline .
EXT. STREET, NIGHT Workers trudge up the cobbled street away from the mills, their tall chimneys belching smoke. MAN: (V.O.) If I have not returned in an hour, you must fetch the police. INT. FACTORY, HALL, NIGHT In the hall, a young WOMAN is with a MAN. WOMAN: Edmund! (kisses him) EDMUND: Don't fret, Effie, my dear. All will be well. But we must get to the bottom of this dark and queer business, no matter what the cost. EDMUND walks down the hall to the door at the end. There is a round window in the door and we can see a red glow. He looks back at EFFIE before going through the doorway. Almost as soon as he had gone through, the lift arrives. EFFIE turns around to see a number of women exit, all clad in demure black gowns with black bonnets. EFFIE: Mrs Gillyflower! In the centre of the group is an older woman, MRS GILLYFLOWER. She speaks with a local accent. GILLYFLOWER: We have come about your husband, my dear. A tragedy. EFFIE: My husband? GILLYFLOWER: Your... late husband. EFFIE: There must be some mistake. My husband is quite well. An agonized scream comes from behind the closed door. EFFIE looks at the door before turning back to face GILLYFLOWER. The woman has a look of feigned concern on her face. GILLYFLOWER: We are so very sorry for your loss. EFFIE screams as the other women advance towards her. INT. MORGUE, DAY The CORONER lowers the sheet from the body to reveal it to EDMUND'S brother, Mr THURSDAY. EDMUND'S skin is a deep red and his face is set in terror. CORONER: Hell fire! That's put me right off me mash. Another one! THURSDAY: (holds handkerchief over nose and mouth) Another? CORONER: He's not the first I've had in 'ere looking like that. The Crimson Horror! That's what they're calling it! THURSDAY: I have no interest in the deplorable excesses of the penny-dreadfuls. (turns to leave) CORONER: (snaps fingers) Hey, hey. Payment in advance, flower. THURSDAY reaches into his pocket and takes out some coins. He reaches across the body to pay the CORONER. The CORONER grabs his hand. CORONER: Taking a big risk, you see, I am. They'd have my vitals for fiddle-strings if they knew I'd let you come to have a look at one of their precious stiffs. THURSDAY: (pulls hand free) This "stiff" is my brother. I've come up from London to bring him home. (walks away) CORONER: Oh, aye? LONDON EXT. STREET, DAY A horse-drawn hansom cab passes in front of an impeccably kept row of white houses, probably somewhere in Mayfair. THURSDAY: (V.O.) Thank you for agreeing to this meeting, I'm told you are the investigator to see if there are strange goings-on. INT. VASTRA'S HOUSE, CONSERVATORY, DAY VASTRA sits in a large wicker chair, JENNY standing at her side. THURSDAY sits in the chair opposite. VASTRA: I read of your brother's death. Another victim of the Crimson Horror, I believe? THURSDAY: So it is claimed. He was a newspaper man. He and a young woman were working undercover. (leans forward) Tell me, Madame, do you know what an optogram is? VASTRA: It is a silly superstition, sir. The belief that the eye can retain an image of the last thing it sees. [SCENE_BREAK] FLASHBACK INT. MORGUE, DAY THURSDAY takes a photograph of his brother's staring eyes. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. VASTRA'S HOUSE, CONSERVATORY, DAY THURSDAY stands and reaches into his pocket. He takes out a photograph and hands it to JENNY. JENNY passes it to VASTRA. VASTRA: (removes veil) Good grief! THURSDAY: Oh, God! (faints) INT. VASTRA'S HOUSE, DARK ROOM, DAY JENNY is making enlargements of the photograph. She clips it on the line to dry and looks closer. JENNY: Well, I'll be blowed! I think, Madame, that we'd better make plans to head North! VASTRA comes over to look at the photo. In the dead man's eye is the DOCTOR. [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Jenna-Louise Coleman "The Crimson Horror" By Mark Gatiss PRODUCER Marcus Wilson DIRECTOR Saul Metzstein [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CARRIAGE, DAY VASTRA and JENNY are facing forward and STRAX is facing them. VASTRA: According to my research, Sweetville's proprietor holds recruitment drives for her little community. She is only interested in the fittest and the most beautiful. STRAX: You may rely on me, ma'am. VASTRA: I was, in fact, speaking to Jenny. STRAX: Jenny? If this weak and fleshy boy is to represent us, I strongly recommend the issuing of scissor grenades, limbo vapour and triple-blast brain splitters. VASTRA: What for? STRAX: Just generally. Remember, we are going to the North. EXT. BUILDING, DAY A poster has been pasted to the brick wall. It reads "Tonight! In Person! Mrs. Winifred Gillyflower on the Present Moral Decay and the Coming Apocalypse!" GILLYFLOWER: (V.O.) Bradford, that Babylon for the Moderns, with its crystal light and its glitter. INT. CHURCH HALL, DAY Mrs. GILLYFLOWER is standing at the raised podium flanked by two young men and two young women, all dressed in black. To one side is a screened area and on the other is an easel with a cloth draped over it. There is a large audience. JENNY is in the audience. GILLYFLOWER: All aswarm with the wretched ruins of humanity. Men and women crushed by the devil's juggernaut! And moral turpitude can destroy the most delicate of lives. Believe me, I know. I know. One of the young women pulls a cord and the screen opens to reveal another young woman sitting down and dressed in a light grey coat. GILLYFLOWER: My own daughter. Blinded in a drunken rage by my late husband! (the daughter turns around) Her once-beautiful eyes, pale and white as mistletoe berries. (the daughter stands and walks across the stage with a cane) And what, my friends, is your story? Will you be found wanting when the End of Days is come, when judgement rains down upon us all? Or will you be preserved against the coming apocalypse? Do not despair! I offer a way out! There is a different path! Sweetville! (the daughter removes the drape on the easel to reveal an artistic rendering of an idyllic village) Join us! Join us in this shining city on the hill! (sings) Bring me my bow of burning gold Bring me my arrows of desire... LATER JENNY is in line to sign up to join Sweetville. GILLYFLOWER: You wish to join us, my dear? JENNY: If it's all the same with you, ma'am. GILLYFLOWER: Oh, yes, dear. You'll do very nicely. GILLYFLOWER hands JENNY the pen and she signs the ledger. EXT. ALLEY, DAY VASTRA and STRAX stand opposite a wall bearing one of the posters for Mrs. GILLYFLOWER'S lecture. VASTRA: If our strategy is to succeed, Jenny will infiltrate deep into the black heart of this place. STRAX: And how will she locate the Doctor? VASTRA: To find him, she needs only to ignore all keep-out signs, go through every locked door, and run towards any form of danger that presents itself. STRAX: Business as usual, then. VASTRA: Business as usual. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, ATTIC HALL, DAY Mrs. GILLYFLOWER'S daughter, ADA, climbs a spiral staircase with her cane under her arm and a plate in hand. She reaches the top of the stairs and walks up to a locked door. She fumbles with her hand on the door until she finds a handle. She kneels and slides a panel up from the bottom. She pushes the plate inside and closes the panel. ADA: Did you think I'd forgotten you, dear monster? Hmm? There is a loud rattle of heavy chains just inside the door and ADA pulls back. She stands and heads back down the stairs using her cane. EXT. STREET, DAY THURSDAY walks up to the door of a non-descript door, pushing hanging sheets out of the way. He uses the door knocker and the door opens. THURSDAY: I have travelled from London expressly to see Madame Vastra. If you'd be so kind as to announce me, my good man. (hands over his calling card) STRAX: Whom should I say is calling? THURSDAY looks up, sees STRAX and promptly faints. INT. VASTRA'S HOUSE, PARLOR, DAY THURSDAY is unconscious on the couch and STRAX is using a lady's fan to give him air. VASTRA is sitting on a chair looking at a photograph. STRAX: It asked for permission to enter and then it fell over. What are we to make of it? VASTRA: I imagine Mr Thursday wants to know what progress we are making. (stands) The question is, how did the Doctor's image come to be preserved on a dead man's eye? It is a scientific impossibility. I wonder how Jenny is getting on. STRAX: If she hasn't made contact by nightfall, I suggest a massive frontal assault on the factory, Madame. Casualties can be kept to perhaps as little as 80%. VASTRA: I think there may be subtler ways of proceeding, Strax. STRAX: Suit yourself. (turns back to fanning THURSDAY) INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, HALL, DAY JENNY is waiting in a long line for entry into the community. A young local woman stands beside her. WOMAN: I'm dead nervous, aren't you? They have to be sure, you see. Only the best for Sweetville! I hope me teeth don't let me down. I'm Abigail. JENNY: Pleased to meet you. ABIGAIL: You're not local, are you? JENNY: Nah. Up from London. ABIGAIL: Different here, I bet. JENNY: Oh, yeah! Like a bleedin' horse-market. Do you know anyone who's come to live here? In Sweetville, I mean. ABIGAIL: I... I had a pal who come here three month back. She wrote to tell me how perfect it all were. Funny, though. I've not heard a peep from her since. MAN: (O.C.) Next, please! ABIGAIL: Hang on. We're moving. ABIGAIL steps forward and JENNY slips over to a door marked "No Entry". JENNY looks around then unrolls her lock- picks. ABIGAIL: What you doin'? JENNY: (works the lock) Do us a favour. Cause a distraction. ABIGAIL: What? JENNY: Swoon. Have a funny turn. Fit of the vapours. ABIGAIL: Are you crackers? JENNY: Go on. There's a guinea in it for you. (holds out the coin) ABIGAIL: (takes coin) Done. ABIGAIL takes deep wheezing breaths and faints. The people in line rush to her aid and JENNY slips through the door unnoticed. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, HALL, DAY JENNY opens a large heavy door. INT. SWEETVILLE, FACTORY FLOOR, DAY JENNY enters the room and looks around in amazement. As she walks into the room, we hear machinery. JENNY covers her ears and we see the sound is a recording projected by three large bell-shaped speakers. She steps past them, uncovers her ears and looks around at the large empty space. She sees some men crossing the floor carrying large glass flasks and ducks behind one of the speakers. In one of the flasks she can see a red liquid. They enter a lift. INT. MORGUE, DAY The CORONER pushes open a curtain revealing a number of glass jars on shelves. VASTRA looks over his shoulder. CORONER: Them new manufacturers can do 'orrible things to a person. 'Orrible. I've pickled things in here that'd fair turn your hair snowy as top of Buckden Pike. (rubs tongue along lips in anticipation) VASTRA: You know what I'm looking for. CORONER: Oh, aye. All them bits found in't canal. The Crimson Horror! The CORONER bends over and picks up a long-necked bottle containing a red liquid. He turns and gives it to VASTRA who lifts her veil. VASTRA: It hardly seems possible. CORONER: Eh? VASTRA: I think... I think I've seen these symptoms before. CORONER: Oh, aye? VASTRA: A long time ago. CORONER: Oh, aye? How long? VASTRA: (turns around) About 65 million years! INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, PARLOUR, DAY Mrs. GILLYFLOWER and ADA are sitting to dinner. ADA sits ramrod straight, delicately eating her soup as her mother slouches forward and slurps her soup. ADA: I trust you had a pleasant day, Mama? GILLYFLOWER: Tolerable. ADA: Will Mr Sweet ever join us for dinner, Mama? GILLYFLOWER: Mr Sweet is rather tired tonight, I fear. We see there is a third place setting that remains untouched. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER reaches for the salt cellar and knocks it over, spilling some on the table. GILLYFLOWER: Dear me. How clumsy I'm getting. (tosses salt over her shoulder) To keep the Devil at bay. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER looks up at the man waiting on them. He nods and walks away. When she's sure he can't see, GILLYFLOWER pulls the napkin from the neckline of her gown and puts some salt down inside. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, HALL, DAY JENNY steps out of the lift and into the hall. She looks both ways and sees it is empty. At one end is a door with a round window through which she could see red. JENNY walks cautiously towards the door and peers through the window. She hears a noise and walks to the other end of the hall and finds the spiral staircase. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, ATTIC HALL, DAY She climbs the stairs and hears the banging coming from the room that contains ADA'S "monster". She steps up to the door and tries the handle to find it locked. She kneels down and lifts the panel to peer inside. A hand reaches out and grabs her neck. The skin is red. JENNY falls back as the hand lets go and the panel slams shut. JENNY stands and goes to the door. JENNY: All right, mate. You just stay calm now! (chains slam against the door) I could open this door. Would you like that? (chains rattle a little softer) Thought you might. But you and me has got to come to an arrangement, savvy? (chains knock again) Now, you stand well back. (takes out lock-picks) Do you hear me? I don't mean no harm to ya'. But you try anything funny and I'll leave you here to rot. Is that understood? (two knocks) Right. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, ATTIC ROOM, DAY JENNY slowly opens the door. Standing directly opposite the door is a figure wearing combinations. JENNY: Doctor? We see it is the DOCTOR. His skin is red like the bodies found in the canal. His mouth his locked open and he reaches out towards her with a groan. He lunges towards her awkwardly, a regular Frankenstein's monster. JENNY: What's happened to you? The DOCTOR grunts and looks over to his clothes lying on the floor. JENNY: Can't you speak? The DOCTOR groans and JENNY tentatively taps his face and it sounds like wood. JENNY: Right. We're getting out of here. (works the locks on the shackles) INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, HALL, DAY JENNY helps the DOCTOR walk down the hall. He has his boots on but moves straight-legged, knees unable to bend. JENNY: Come on! They pass the lift that is on its way up. JENNY: Come on! (hurries the DOCTOR along) The lift opens and ADA steps out. She listens as the DOCTOR and JENNY keep walking but dismisses it. She walks the way JENNY and the DOCTOR had come from while the latter make their way through the door at the end of the hall. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, "RED" HALL, DAY JENNY looks stops and looks through a large window and the DOCTOR looks over her head. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, VAT ROOM, DAY A large vat bubbles away with the red liquid. A large rack is moved over the vat with six people suspended from it. A man moves a lever and the people are lowered into the liquid. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, "RED" HALL, DAY JENNY: Oh, my God. (looks at the DOCTOR) The DOCTOR raises his arm and points down the hall. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, ATTIC HALL, DAY ADA approaches the door, another plate in her hand. ADA: You're all I have, monster. But all will be well. Imperfect as we are, there be will room for us in the new Jerusalem! ADA puts her hand on the door and it moves. She pushes it open. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, ATTIC ROOM, DAY ADA enters the room moving her cane back and forth over the floor. It hits the unlocked chains. She kneels down and feels with her hands. ADA: No... NO! Where are you, monster? Where are you? INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, "RED" HALL, DAY JENNY helps the DOCTOR to what looks to be a booth set into the wall. With a groan, the DOCTOR reaches both arms towards the handle on the door. JENNY: What is it? You want to go there? The DOCTOR groans even louder. JENNY opens the door and helps the DOCTOR inside, handing him his clothes. The DOCTOR reaches into his pocket and pulls out the sonic screwdriver and uses it on the controls. JENNY closes the door and ducks out of sight as two of GILLYFLOWER'S "helpers" walk by the open door. Strange noises come from the booth and a green light shows through the slates. Suddenly the door opens and the rejuvenated - and clothed - DOCTOR pops out. DOCTOR: Ah! Missed me? JENNY: Doctor! DOCTOR: Jenny! Jenny, Jenny, Jenny! (runs down the hall, jumps in the air and clicks his heels) Just when you think your favourite lock-picking Victorian chambermaid will never turn up! (slides back to JENNY) Jenny! (dips her and kisses her) The DOCTOR pulls her back up and slaps him. DOCTOR: You've no idea how good that feels! Right! Mrs Gillyflower! We've got to stop her! (backs towards the door) And then there's Clara. Poor Clara. Where's Clara? JENNY: Clara? Doctor, wait! DOCTOR: Can't. Clara. Got to find. (leaves) JENNY: What happened to you? How long have you been like that? DOCTOR: (slides back) Days. Weeks. Don't know. Long story. I'll keep it short. [SCENE_BREAK] FLASHBACK EXT. STREET, DAY The TARDIS materializes and the DOCTOR steps out, followed by CLARA. CLARA is dressed in a period gown and the DOCTOR has a bowler. DOCTOR: OK. Not London 1893. Yorkshire 1893. Near enough. (closes TARDIS door) CLARA: You're making a habit of this. Getting us lost. DOCTOR: Sorry. It's much better than it used to be. (puts a companionable arm around her shoulder) I once spent a hell of a long time trying to get a gobby Australian to Heathrow Airport. CLARA: What for? DOCTOR: Search me. Anyway... A woman screams. DOCTOR: Brave heart, Clara! They run towards the scream. EXT. CANAL SIDE, DAY A body is floating face-down in the water. Its skin is red and it's clothed in white combinations. EDMUND is being restrained by a policeman. EDMUND: It's another one, don't you see? Another victim! Why won't any one of you listen? DOCTOR: We'll listen. EXT. SWEETVILLE GATES, DAY EDMUND walks with them to the gates of Sweetville and they look through the bars into the courtyard. EDMUND: Mrs Winifred Gillyflower. An astonishing woman. A prize-winning chemist and mechanical engineer. So why... DOCTOR: Why has she decided to open up a match factory in her old home town? EDMUND: And no-one who ever goes to live there ever seems to come out. INT. MORGUE, DAY The DOCTOR, CLARA, EDMUND and the CORONER look at the body. EDMUND: Same as the rest. All dead from causes unknown and their flesh...glowing. CORONER: Like something manky in a coal cellar. They keep turning up in't canal. The Crimson Horror! DOCTOR: Ooh. Good name. Hey, that's good, isn't it? The Crimson Horror! I wonder what it is. (examines boyd's eye with magnifying glass) Do you know the old Romany superstition, Clara? That the eye of a dead person retains an image of the last thing it sees? CLARA takes a look for herself. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER is reflected in the eye. DOCTOR: Nonsense, of course. Unless the chemical composition of the body has been massively corrupted. The DOCTOR rubs the skin with his white gloves. LATER The DOCTOR uses the lab's chemistry set to analyze the red liquid. DOCTOR: Wow. This is nasty. An organic poison. A sort of venom. And you think it's connected to Sweetville? EDMUND: I do. DOCTOR: Well, then, we need a plan! INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, PARLOR, DAY GILLYFLOWER: Doctor and Mrs Smith. Oh, yes. You'll do very nicely. The DOCTOR and CLARA stand side-by-side, acting as a couple. The DOCTOR speaks in a broad Northern accent. DOCTOR: Oh, grand. Smashing. Eh, the missus and I couldn't be more chuffed, could we, love? (puts an arm around her shoulders and hugs) EXT. SWEETVILLE COURTYARD, DAY The DOCTOR and CLARA have linked arms and are following Mrs. GILLYFLOWER as she escorts them by the houses. GILLYFLOWER: Sweetville will provide you with everything you need. You won't have to worry about a thing... ever again. CLARA: (Northern accent) The name. Sweetville. GILLYFLOWER: Yes? CLARA: Why not name it after yourself? After all, it's your creation. DOCTOR: Gillyflowertown, eh? Gillyflowerland! You could have roller-coasters. GILLYFLOWER: (stops) It is named in tribute to my partner. DOCTOR: Your late partner? GILLYFLOWER: No. My... silent partner. Mr Sweet likes to keep himself to himself. Shall we move on? (motions to door) DOCTOR: Who lives here? GILLYFLOWER: Oh, names don't matter here. All you need to know is that we only recruit the brightest and the best. (pats CLARA on the cheek) Mrs. GILLYFLOWER opens the door. The DOCTOR and CLARA look in to see a tableau of a husband and wife sitting motionless at their afternoon tea. They are covered by a giant bell jar hooked up to bellows. Men come up behind the DOCTOR and CLARA and the women come from inside the house. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, VAT ROOM, DAY The DOCTOR is on a rack and lowered into a bubbling vat. He is conscious as he goes under. LATER CLARA is one of many women standing in a row, catatonic. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER walks in front of them as if they are soldiers on parade. ADA stands opposite the women. GILLYFLOWER: Like pretty maids all in a row. The process improves with every attempt! Mr Sweet is such a clever old thing. (looks down on the floor) Oh, into the canal with the rejects, Ada. (leaves) ADA: Yes. ADA walks over to the reject pile and hears a grunt. She kneels down and reaches out a hand and finds another that moves. ADA: Ma... ADA puts her hand in the palm of the other and it grips hers. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, ATTIC ROOM, DAY ADA locks the shackles around the DOCTOR'S wrists. ADA: Sometimes, the preservation process goes wrong. Only Mr Sweet knows why. And only Mama is allowed to talk to Mr Sweet. But if you're very good, you can stay here. You'll be my secret. My special monster. (puts her fingers on his face) Shh. ADA walks to the door and the DOCTOR grunts and reaches out to her. She closes the door. LATER The DOCTOR sits on the floor, legs stretched out in front of him. There is a noise from outside and the door bursts open and EDMUND enters screaming, dressed in combinations and dripping with venom. The last thing he sees is the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR puts his hands out and EDMUND falls to the floor. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, HALL, NIGHT The DOCTOR winds up his story and he walks with JENNY. DOCTOR: Poor Edmund must have come looking for us. And then fallen into a vat of the pure venom. (looks out window) Or was pushed. Didn't stand a chance. JENNY: What is that stuff, though? DOCTOR: (crosses hall) Deadly poison. (scans with sonic) And Mrs Gillyflower's dipping her Pilgrims in a dilute form to protect them. Preserve them. Process didn't work on me. Maybe because I'm not human. I ended up on the reject pile. (looks out different window) JENNY: Preserve them against what? DOCTOR: Well, according to her, the coming apocalypse! (whistles as he spins his finger on the side of his head) JENNY: "When the End of Days is come and judgement rains down upon us all..." DOCTOR: (turns around and looks at her) What? JENNY: Nothing. DOCTOR: (walks back to her) No, what? JENNY: Something Mrs Gillyflower said. One of her sermons. Madame will come looking for me. We'd best get on. DOCTOR: Yes! Clara, got to find Clara. (hurries off) JENNY: But, Doctor... Clara's dead. Isn't she? DOCTOR: (turns in doorway) It's complicated. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT, STREET, NIGHT STRAX halts the horse pulling the carriage. STRAX: Horse! You have failed in your mission. We are lost, with no sign of Sweetville. Do you have any final words, before your summary execution? The usual story. (raises weapon) Fourth one this week, and I'm not even hungry. (charges gun) BOY: Sweetville, sir? STRAX: Do you know it? A young BOY stands at the side of the road. BOY: Turn around when possible. Then, at the end of the road, turn right. STRAX: What? BOY: Bear left for a quarter of a mile and you will have reached your destination. STRAX puts the gun down and holds his hand out to the BOY who climbs onto the seat beside him. STRAX: Thank you. What is your name? BOY: Thomas, sir. Thomas Thomas. STRAX: I think you will do well, Thomas Thomas. STRAX starts the carriage again. EXT. SWEETVILLE COURTYARD, NIGHT JENNY walks alongside the DOCTOR as he searches for CLARA. JENNY: Are we talking about the same person? About that Clara? The DOCTOR runs off to check one of the doors. JENNY: Doctor! The DOCTOR runs back to JENNY and puts an arm over her shoulders. DOCTOR: Couldn't see much from where I was, but I think she survived the process. She must be here somewhere. (runs to check another house) JENNY: But Clara died. The Ice Lady... Doctor? DOCTOR: (runs back) Well... it's... er... It's complicated. (runs off) INT. SWEETVILLE HOUSE, PARLOR, NIGHT The DOCTOR opens a door to one of the houses. Sitting primly under a bell jar with a man standing at her side is CLARA. He hurries in and pounds against the glass as he slides to the floor. JENNY rushes in behind him and stops when she sees CLARA. The DOCTOR stands, grabs a chair and throws it against the jar with a shout. The glass shatters. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, ATTIC ROOM, NIGHT ADA kneels on the floor of the room, the chains in her hands. She is crying when Mrs. GILLYFLOWER finds her. GILLYFLOWER: What is the meaning of this? ADA: (turns around) Oh, Mama, I have been foolish. I have formed a... a sentimental attachment. GILLYFLOWER: An attachment? To whom? ADA: A young man. Unlike the others, he survived rejection. He must be strong. Worthy of salvation. GILLYFLOWER: Wrecker! Berserker! You have loosed a reject onto the outside world! ADA: I have disappointed you. GILLYFLOWER: My plans must be accelerated. Nothing must interfere with the Great Work! ADA: But please say there is still room for me in your new Eden, Mama! Promise me that! GILLYFLOWER: I will set my Pilgrims onto him. (turns to leave) ADA: No! (grabs at the hem of GILLYFLOWER'S gown) GILLYFLOWER: Kindly do not paw and slobber at my crinolines. You know I cannot bear to look at sick people. ADA: Promise you will not abandon me, Mama, promise me that! GILLYFLOWER: Do you not yet understand that there can be no place for people such as you? That only perfection is good enough for myself and for Mr Sweet. The bright day is done, child, and you are for the dark. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER leaves and ADA continues to sob. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, "RED" HALL, NIGHT The DOCTOR is peering through the slats of the booth in which he was revived. JENNY: Can she be revived, like you were? DOCTOR: I hope so. JENNY turns and sees some Pilgrims enter the hall. She taps the DOCTOR on the shoulder. JENNY: Doctor. DOCTOR: (turns) Oh, great. Great. Attack of the supermodels. The Pilgrims pull out coshes. DOCTOR: Time for a plan. JENNY: Nah, Doctor. This one's on me. JENNY removes her bonnet and dress to reveal a Victorian style catsuit underneath. The DOCTOR does not how to take this. One of the male Pilgrims advances and JENNY grabs him and flips him on his back, putting her foot on his neck. A second comes forward and JENNY jabs him in the face with her elbow. A third advances and JENNY hits him in the stomach. DOCTOR: That is a plan! The remaining Pilgrims start tapping their coshes against their hands. DOCTOR: OK. Time for a new plan. The DOCTOR grabs JENNY by the hand and pulls her towards the opposite doorway. He backs away when he hears pounding footsteps. STRAX runs into the hall and fires his gun towards the Pilgrims and they run away. VASTRA follows STRAX into the hall. VASTRA: Quickly! Let's go! DOCTOR: No! (looks into the booth) JENNY: No, ma'am! We're not escaping! We've got to help the Doctor with Clara! VASTRA looks at the DOCTOR as if to say "What have you done now". DOCTOR: (turns around, embarrassed) Long story. (turns back) STRAX: (walks over) What now, Madame? We could lay mimetic cluster mines. VASTRA: Strax. STRAX: Or dig trenches and fill them with acid. VASTRA: Strax! You're overexcited. Have you been eating Miss Jenny's sherbet fancies again? STRAX: No. VASTRA: Go outside and wait for me until I call for you. STRAX: But, Madame... VASTRA: Go! STRAX: (sullen) I'm going to go and play with my grenades. (leaves) The DOCTOR scans the booth with the sonic. DOCTOR: OK, I think she's about done. (opens door) I know who you think she is, but she isn't. She can't be. VASTRA: I was right, then. You and Clara have unfinished business. CLARA falls forward and the DOCTOR catches her. DOCTOR: Hello, stranger. CLARA: Doctor? (taps his nose) DOCTOR: Uh-huh. CLARA: (sees VASTRA and JENNY) Hi. (whispers to DOCTOR) What's going on? DOCTOR: (Northern accent) Haven't you heard, love? There's trouble at t'mill! (normal voice) She's a lizard. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, HALL, NIGHT The DOCTOR, CLARA, JENNY and VASTRA stride down the hall to the lift. VASTRA: My people once ruled this world, as well you know. But we did not rule it alone. Just as humanity fights a daily battle against nature, so did we. And our greatest plague, the most virulent enemy was the repulsive red leech. The DOCTOR calls the lift. DOCTOR: Ooh! The repulsive red leech! Nah. On balance, I think I prefer the Crimson Horror. What was it exactly? VASTRA: A tiny parasite. It infected our drinking water. And once in our systems, it secreted a fatal poison. DOCTOR: If it's been hanging around, lurking in the shadows, maybe it's evolved. Or maybe it's had help. CLARA: Doctor, I've been thinking, the chimney... DOCTOR: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way past that now! Yucky red parasite from the time of the dinosaurs pitches up in Victorian Yorkshire. Didn't see that one coming! CLARA: Yeah, but the chimney... DOCTOR: But what's the connection to Mrs Gillyflower? "Judgement will rain down on us all..." (snaps fingers and slowly spins around) An empty mill. CLARA: (puts her hands on the DOCTOR'S shoulders) A chimney that doesn't blow smoke. DOCTOR: Clever clogs. CLARA: Missed me? DOCTOR: Yeah, lots! (kisses her forehead) The lift arrives and they all get in. INT. SWEETVILLE, FACTORY FLOOR, NIGHT The DOCTOR, CLARA, JENNY and VASTRA hide behind some various bits of off-cast machinery. DOCTOR: She's going to poison the air! JENNY: How? One of the Pilgrims pulls a lever and we see the method of delivery is a huge rocket. CLARA: With that, I should think. They continue to watch as two Pilgrims pull a cloth off a basket containing a flask of the red liquid. DOCTOR: And there's the poison. All right, gang, I've got a plan. They all stand and someone knocks over a metal pipe. They duck back down. DOCTOR: (puts finger to lips) Shh! OK. They slowly stand again. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, PARLOR, NIGHT Mrs. GILLYFLOWER is sitting at a large pipe organ set against the wall. She pulls the stops in a certain order and then a lever set in the wall beside it. The organ spins and in its place are the controls for the rocket. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, HALL, NIGHT ADA is sitting on an empty crate in the corner, crying. A door opens and the DOCTOR and CLARA enter the hall. She hears them. ADA: Who's that? Who is there? The DOCTOR kneels in front of her and takes her arm. She is startled. He lifts her hand to his face. ADA: You. It's you! My monster. (puts her other hand to his face) You've come back! But you're... DOCTOR: Warm. And alive. Thanks to you, Ada. You saved me from your mother's human rubbish tip. Now, what's wrong? ADA: She does not want me, monster! I am not to be chosen. Perhaps it was my own sin, the blackness in my heart, that my father saw in me. DOCTOR: Ada, no. That's nonsense. Stupid, backwards nonsense, and you know it! (takes her head in his hands) You know it. (rubs a thumb over the scars by her eyes) CLARA: What is it? ADA: (looks up) Who is that? CLARA: I'm... (kneels beside the DOCTOR) I'm a friend, a friend of his. DOCTOR: Then you are fortunate, indeed. It isn't good to be alone. DOCTOR: Now, Ada, I need you tell me something - who is Mr Sweet? Ada? ADA: (looks away) Oh, dear monster... DOCTOR: Please. Tell me. ADA: I cannot! Even now, I cannot! I cannot betray Mama. DOCTOR: Well, come with us, then. (stands and puts a hand on ADA'S shoulder) There's something you need to know. INT. SWEETVILLE, FACTORY FLOOR, NIGHT JENNY and VASTRA watch the Pilgrims as they move about the floor. They also see one of the large flasks. JENNY looks at VASTRA who nods, and they slowly move from their hiding place. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, PARLOR, NIGHT The DOCTOR opens the door without knocking and strides in followed by CLARA. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER turns around and chuckles. GILLYFLOWER: You do seem to keep turning up like a bad penny, young man. (walks over) DOCTOR: Force of habit. GILLYFLOWER: Can I offer you something? Tea? Seed cake? A glass of Amontillado? DOCTOR: No, thanks. We've had a skinful already, as you might say. GILLYFLOWER: Ha! Very funny. DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor, you're nuts, and I'm going to stop you. GILLYFLOWER: I'm afraid Mr Sweet and I cannot allow that. DOCTOR: Oh, yes. Would it be impolite to ask why you and Mr Sweet are petrifying your workforce with diluted prehistoric leech venom? CLARA: So when do we get to meet him, this silent partner of yours? Why's he so shy? GILLYFLOWER: Mr Sweet is always with us. DOCTOR: You seem to have a very close relationship, you and your pal. GILLYFLOWER: Oh, yes, Doctor. Exceedingly close. Symbiotic, you might say. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER unfastens the top part of her gown that partially opens to reveal a large red leech attached to her. It turns its head to reveal a round mouth lined with sharp teeth. INT. SWEETVILLE, FACTORY, NIGHT Two gowned Pilgrims take the flask up stairs. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, PARLOR, NIGHT CLARA and the DOCTOR stare at the leech. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER is sitting and feeding it. CLARA: Doctor... What is it? GILLYFLOWER: A survivor! He has grown fat on the filth humanity has pumped into the rivers. That's where I found him. DOCTOR: Very enterprising. GILLYFLOWER: His needs are simple. And in return, he gives me his nectar. DOCTOR: (sits beside her) Mrs Gillyflower, you have no idea what you're dealing with! In the wrong hands, that venom could wipe out all life on this planet! GILLYFLOWER: (holds hands out in front of her, palms up) Do you know what these are? The wrong hands! Mrs. GILLYFLOWER giggles and moves over to the mechanism and pulls another lever. EXT. SWEETVILLE, FACTORY, NIGHT The lights on the chimney light up in ascending order. On the ground THOMAS sees and taps STRAX on the shoulder before pointing. STRAX turns around and looks up. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, PARLOR, NIGHT The DOCTOR sees the lights on the chimney from the window. DOCTOR: Planning a little fireworks party, are we? GILLYFLOWER: You've forced me to advance the Great Work somewhat, Doctor. But my colossal scheme remains as it was. My rocket will explode high in the atmosphere, raining down Mr Sweet's beneficence onto all humanity. CLARA: And wiping us all out! You can't! CLARA starts towards the older woman but the DOCTOR puts a hand on her arm, stopping her. GILLYFLOWER: My new Adam and Eves will sleep for but a few months before stepping out into a golden dawn. (clasps hands) Is it not beautiful, Doctor? DOCTOR: (claps hands) Tell us about Ada, Mrs Gillyflower. GILLYFLOWER: What? DOCTOR: Your daughter. You do remember your daughter? Tell us about your daughter. (sits) GILLYFLOWER: How can you speak of such trivia when my hour is at hand? The child is of no consequence. DOCTOR: Is that why you experimented on her? CLARA: Experimented? DOCTOR: The signs are all there. The pattern of scarring. You used her as a guinea pig, didn't you? CLARA: God! GILLYFLOWER: Sometimes, sacrifices must be made. DOCTOR: (stands) Sacrifices? GILLYFLOWER: It was necessary! I had to find out how much of the venom would produce an anti-toxin. To immunise myself! Don't you see? It was necessary! ADA: Mama? (stands at the door) Is it... Is it true? GILLYFLOWER: Ada. ADA: It is. It's true. True. GILLYFLOWER: Ada, listen to me. (takes a few steps towards ADA) ADA: (walks towards her mother) You hag! You perfidious hag! You virago! You harpy! All these years, I have helped you, served you. Looked out for you. Does it count for nothing? Nothing at all? (strikes her mother with her cane) GILLYFLOWER: (puts arms up) Stop, stop. ADA stops and Mrs. GILLYFLOWER leans against a door. CLARA picks up a chair. DOCTOR: Hang on, I've got the sonic screwdriver! CLARA: Yeah? I've got a chair! CLARA throws the chair at the rocket's controls, destroying them and causing sparks to fly. GILLYFLOWER: No! DOCTOR: Yeah. That worked. I'm afraid your rocket isn't going anywhere, Mrs G. (puts the sonic away) EXT. SWEETVILLE, FACTORY, NIGHT STRAX nods to THOMAS and walks over to the base of the chimney. INT. SWEETVILLE, MAIN BUILDING, PARLOR, NIGHT ADA faces opposite her mother who is still by the door. The DOCTOR and CLARA stand in the middle of the room. GILLYFLOWER: Please, come to me, Ada. My child. (takes the sobbing ADA in a hug) You have always been so very... (puts a revolver to ADA'S head) useful. DOCTOR: No, Mrs Gillyflower. ADA: Please, Mama. No more. No more. GILLYFLOWER: And now, if you'll please forgive us, we must be going. It is long past Ada's bedtime! Mrs. GILLYFLOWER pushes ADA through the door ahead of her. CLARA rushes over but the door closes and locks before she gets there. She pulls on the door knob. DOCTOR: No... (reaches out to her) No, Clara. If we follow straight after her, she'll shoot Ada on the spot. CLARA: She wouldn't! DOCTOR: She would! The DOCTOR grabs the chair, holds it over his head and spins to face CLARA. DOCTOR: Chairs are useful! CLARA grins. The DOCTOR then charges towards the window with the chair, smashing the glass. INT. SWEETVILLE, FACTORY FLOOR, NIGHT Mrs. GILLYFLOWER pulls ADA along by her hand. GILLYFOWER: Come, Ada. Don't dawdle. ADA: Please, Mama, stop. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER stops to question some Pilgrims. GILLYFLOWER: Has the venom been loaded? PILGRIM: Yes, ma'am. GILLYFLOWER: Then heaven awaits ya'! Mrs. GILLYFLOWER continues on her way pulling ADA in her wake. The Pilgrims go the other way. EXT. SWEETVILLE, COURTYARD, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA run along the pavement. INT. SWEETVILLE, CHIMNEY STAIRS, NIGHT Mrs. GILLYFLOWER pulls ADA backwards up the stairs around the rocket. INT. SWEETVILLE, FACTORY FLOOR, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA arrive at the factory. The DOCTOR looks up and continues on. CLARA runs after him. INT. SWEETVILLE, CHIMNEY, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA hurry up the stairs. ADA: (O.C.) Stop! The DOCTOR and CLARA rush at the sound of terror in ADA'S voice. They stop when they see Mrs. GILLYFLOWER holding ADA in front of her by a power box. DOCTOR: Just let her go, Mrs Gillyflower. Let Ada go! GILLYFLOWER: Secondary firing mechanism, Doctor! Mr Sweet and I are too smart for you, after all. DOCTOR: Just let your daughter go, Mrs Gillyflower. ADA breaks away and falls to the landing, holding herself up by the hand rail. GILLYFLOWER: Ada! (cocks the revolver) ADA: Shoot, if you wish, Mama. It is of no matter, for you killed me a long time ago! The DOCTOR starts to move towards ADA but Mrs. GILLYFLOWER fires at him. He falls back, hands over his head. While Mrs. GILLYFLOWER struggles with cocking the pistol, the DOCTOR tries for ADA again and is shot at again. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER opens the power box and begins to sing. GILLYFLOWER: (sings) I'll labour night and day To be a pilgrim! (pulls lever) While Mrs. GILLYFLOWER was opening the box, the DOCTOR goes to ADA. After Mrs. GILLYFLOWER, pulls the switch, the rocket's engines power up and it launches. The DOCTOR helps cover ADA against the wall. Mrs. GILLYFLOWER laughs. EXT. ABOVE SWEETVILLE, NIGHT The rocket flies up to the sky. INT. SWEETVILLE, CHIMNEY, NIGHT Mrs. GILLYFLOWER looks up to the sky. GILLYFLOWER: Now, Mr Sweet, now the whole world will taste your lethal kiss! DOCTOR: I don't think so, Mrs Gillyflower. (snaps fingers) Two veiled figures appear on the landing above holding the flask of venom. They push the veils back to reveal VASTRA and JENNY. GILLYFLOWER: Very well, then. If I can't take the world with me, you will have to do. Die, you freaks! Die! Die! (aims her gun at JENNY and VASTRA) STRAX: Put down your weapon, human female! STRAX is at the opening of the chimney and aims his weapon at Mrs. GILLYFLOWER. She fires at STRAX and he fires back. She loses her balance and falls to the floor. DOCTOR: Ouch! (winces) The DOCTOR, CLARA, JENNY and VASTRA run to the last flight of stairs. Mr. Sweet releases his hold on Mrs. GILLYFLOWER and starts to crawl away. GILLYFLOWER: No... No! Mr Sweet? Where are you going? You can't leave me now, Mr Sweet. CLARA: What's it doing? DOCTOR: It knows she's dying. She's no longer any use to it. Mr Sweet crawls across the floor. GILLYFLOWER: Mr Sweet! ADA makes her way down the stairs, her cane tapping the steps. GILLYFLOWER: Ada? Ada. Are you there? ADA: (kneels beside her mother) I'm here, Mama. GILLYFLOWER: Forgive me, my child. Forgive me. ADA: Never. GILLYFLOWER: That's... my... girl. (dies) In the sky above them, the rocket explodes. The DOCTOR whistles and they look back to the floor. JENNY: What will you do with that thing? DOCTOR: Take it back to the Jurassic era, maybe. Out of harm's way. ADA crosses the floor, tapping with her cane. It lands on Mr Sweet and she starts beating him to pieces. DOCTOR: On the other hand... (stutters) EXT. STREET, DAY The DOCTOR and CLARA head for the TARDIS. JENNY, VASTRA, STRAX and ADA are there to say good-bye. They have the flask of poison. DOCTOR: Right, London. We were heading for London, weren't we? CLARA: Was there any particular reason? DOCTOR: No. No. Just thought you might... like it. CLARA: (looks back at ADA) Yeah. Maybe had enough Victorian values for a bit. (steps into the TARDIS) DOCTOR: You're the boss. CLARA: (leans out) Am I? (raises eyebrows) DOCTOR: No. No... Get in. CLARA goes inside and the DOCTOR walks over to ADA. DOCTOR: Now, Ada, I'd love to stay and clear up the mess, but... ADA: I know, dear monster, you have things to do. DOCTOR: And what about you? ADA: Oh, there are many things a bright young lady can do to occupy her time. It's time I stepped out of the darkness and into the light. DOCTOR: Good luck, Ada. You know, I think you'll be just... (kisses her on the cheek) splendid. (goes over to VASTRA, JENNY and STRAX) Well, thanks a million, you three, as ever. Have some Pontefract cakes on me. I love Pontefract cakes! (fakes fencing with sound effects) See you around, eh? I shouldn't wonder. (turns back to the TARDIS) JENNY: (runs after him) But, Doctor, that girl - Clara. (stops) You haven't explained. DOCTOR: (goes back to JENNY) No. I haven't. (heads back to the TARDIS) Ah, look at the muck in here! (runs a finger along the TARDIS) Right! (enters) STRAX takes the flask for VASTRA. STRAX: Another one for the vault. THURSDAY spots them and walks over. THURSDAY: Ah! There you are. I called to see whether there had been any progress. The TARDIS dematerializes and THURSDAY faints. INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, FOYER, DAY CLARA enters and checks herself in the mirror. CLARA: The boss, yep, that's me! CLARA continues into the house. On the small monitor screen, we see the TARDIS dematerialize. INT. MAITLAND HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY CLARA walks in and leans on the counter. One of ARTIE'S toys, a Transformer robot is sitting there. CLARA: (in deep voice as she moves the toy) I am the boss. She looks over at the table and straightens up after seeing what's on ANGIE'S laptop. She walks over and sits down. On the screen is a group photo taken on the Russian submarine showing herself and the DOCTOR with the crew. She clicks on the picture underneath that to see the four of them at Claiburn House. ANGIE and ARTIE come up behind her. ANGIE: It's you, isn't it? It's from the '70s, but it's definitely you. CLARA: Of course it's not. ARTIE: And that's you too, from 1983. I found it at school. CLARA: No, it's just someone who looks like me. ANGIE: And that's someone that looks like your boyfriend? ARTIE: Is he an alien? ANGIE: (to ARTIE) Why would he be an alien? ARTIE: The chin. ANGIE: And the time travel? ANGIE clicks on a third picture that is of Victorian governess CLARA. CLARA: (leans forward) That's not right. ANGIE: You were in Victorian London. CLARA: No, I was in Victorian Yorkshire. (eyes widen when she realizes what she's said) ANGIE: How come you didn't tell us? ARTIE: Time travel, that's so cool! ANGIE: Can we have a go? CLARA: Can you have a what?! ARTIE: We want a shot at the time machine! CLARA: No, no, no! Listen... ANGIE: OK, or we'll have to tell Dad that our nanny's a time traveller!	Plan: A: Jenny; Q: Who is sent to investigate and find the Doctor? A: the "Crimson Horror; Q: What is the name of the mystery Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax investigate? A: Bodies; Q: What has been found completely red? A: Silurians; Q: What species went into hibernation before the Crimson Horror? A: a diluted version; Q: What is the venom of an ancient leech in the bodies of the Crimson Horror? A: An investigator; Q: Who shows Vastra optographs of the Doctor screaming? A: one; Q: How many leeches are working with Mrs. Gillyflower? A: Sweetville; Q: What town is run by Mrs. Gillyflower? A: the process; Q: What does the Doctor reverse for Clara? A: his venom; Q: What does Mrs. Gillyflower plan to use to preserve humanity? A: humanity; Q: What does Mrs. Gillyflower plan to preserve by making a rocket with the venom explode? A: Mr. Sweet's venom; Q: What did Mrs. Gillyflower test on her daughter? A: the Maitland children; Q: Who finds photos of Clara from her travels? A: Victorian Clara; Q: What picture does Clara find when she returns home? Summary: Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax investigate the mystery of the "Crimson Horror". Bodies have been found completely red, with a substance on them Vastra recognises from before the Silurians went into hibernation as the venom of an ancient leech, in a diluted version. An investigator shows Vastra optographs , one of which shows the Doctor, screaming. As Sweetville, run by Mrs. Gillyflower, proves suspicious, Jenny is sent to investigate and find the Doctor. She succeeds, finding him a victim of the venom, but still alive; he quickly reverses the process for him and Clara. Confronting Mrs. Gillyflower, they discover "Mr. Sweet" working with Mrs. Gillyflower is one of the leeches; she plans to use his venom to preserve humanity by making a rocket with it explode. However, the rocket goes off without the venom on board, thanks to Vastra and Jenny. Mrs. Gillyflower falls to her death, after being revealed to have tested Mr. Sweet's venom on her daughter, and Mr. Sweet is crushed. Once Clara is back home, she finds that the Maitland children have found photos of her from her travels, along with a picture of Victorian Clara.
Two guys sit at a table. One guy places what looks like a C-4 strapped to a cell phone inside a back pack. He hands the backpack to the other guy. 2nd guy stands. Kradic: I'm counting on you, Aleksander. Aleksander: I'll call you when it's done. (he leaves) Indonesian Embassy, Copenhagen Aleksander places his backpack on the conveyer belt and passes through the metal detector. The guard stares at the bag and then looks at Aleksander. They speak foreign language, not sure what. Aleksander: Which line is for visa applications? Guard: Last one down. Aleksander takes his bag and goes. Guard: I'm going to take a smoke break. I'll be back in a few minutes. Aleksander: Visa. Aleksander sees a pretty girl. She says "hi" and smiles. Aleksander drops his bag and then leaves. APO Breifing room. We see the explosion of the Indonesian Embassy on screen. Gang sits around the table. Sloane: You're looking at the work of an emerging terrorist organization known as the Beograd Faction. Yesterday at 5 o'clock they hit the Indonesian Embassy in Copenhagen. It was their fourth major attack within several months. Weiss: And their first overtly political act. Sydney: If that's in fact what it is. Just looking at their files, they haven't claimed an ideology. They've made no demands, no pronouncements. Something doesn't add up. Sloane: Langley is desperate to acquire intel on this group. To that end, they placed an undercover agent within the organization. His name is Thomas Raimes. (his picture pops up on the screen) He specializes in prolonged deep-cover work. He's been in place for the last few months posing as a document expert in forging, counterfeiting. Ywo weeks ago he warned Langley of a pending attack in Denmark. Dixon: And he never followed up with the details? Sloane: Agent Raimes has missed has missed the last four meetings with his handler and hasn't notified headquarters. Vaughn: Which means he was either caught or killed. Sloane: In one of his last communications, he was able to identify the leader of this group, a man named Milos Kradic. Echelon intercepts suggest that Kradic has a meet set up tomorrow at a location in Amsterdam. Dixon, Vaughn, you'll run surveillance on that location. If Kradic shows up neutralize him and take him into custody. Sydney, coordinate with Jack when he gets in. You'll run the operations from here. Until then, find out what other motives they could have had for hitting that embassy. Okay, that's it. Thank you. As Nadia leaves the table, her cell phone rings. She answers. Nadia: Hello? Sophia: Nadia. Nadia: Sophia, is that you? Sophia: It's so good to hear your voice. Nadia: Yours too. I'm so surprised you're calling. It's been- Sophia: A long time, yes. I am flying to Los Angeles. I was hoping we might catch up. Nadia: I'd love to. Why don't I meet you at the airport? Sophia: That'll be wonderful. I arrive in the morning. Nadia: Okay, I'll see you then. Airport. Sydney: So, how long has it been, since you heard from Sophia? Nadia: Like, 10 years. Sydney: Why has she come to Los Angeles now? Nadia: I don't know. She didn't say. You're okay with this? Sydney: She can stay as long as she wants. You know that. Nadia: Thanks. Sydney: Where else am I gonna hear embarrassing stories about you as a kid? You okay? Nadia: Yeah, I'm fine. Sydney: You don't seem very excited. Nadia: I know, but I am. It's just last time I saw her, I was in jail. I don't want to be a disappointment to her. Who knows if she'll even recognize me. Man over PA: Oceanic airlines, nonstop flights to Sydney is now ready for boarding at gate 17. We see Sophia being wheeled in a wheelchair by a flight attendant. It looks like she's been beaten. Nadia goes up to her. Nadia: Sophia. Sophia: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Nadia: What happened? Sophia: I didn't have anywhere to go. It's so good to see you. Hospital. Sophia is lying in a hospital bed surrounded by Nadia, Sydney, and Sloane. Sophia: For the last few weeks, I had a feeling that I was being watched. I kept seeing the same faces everywhere I went. Then last night, I came home early from work, and they were in my house. As soon as I walked in, they attacked me. Sydney: What did they want? Sophia: I don't know. Sloane: Did they take anything? Sophia: I honestly don't know. When I regained consciousness, the house was ransacked and they were gone. I couldn't stay there. I'm sorry I came here like this. Nadia: It's okay, you did the right thing. Sydney: We should let her get some sleep. Sloane: Yes. I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances. (he takes her hand) You're family to Nadia, which means you're family to me. I'll see to it that you're well taken care of. You have nothing to worry about from now on. Sophia: Thank you. Sloane and Sydney leave Nadia with Sophia. Sloane enters the hallway with Sydney. Sloane: That woman took care of Nadia when I couldn't. I owe her. As soon as I get back to the office, I'll reach out to our connections in Portugal. Sydney: Whatever I can do. Sloane: You need a ride? Sydney: No, thank you. Sloane: Okay. Sydney: I'll meet you there. Sydney leaves. Sloane pulls off a latex glove that he used to get Sophia's fingerprint. Doctor's office. Jack sitting in a chair. Dr. Liddell gives Jack medicine. Dr. Liddell: That should take the edge off. Jack: It's less painful than the last few times. Liddel: Glad to hear it. I've increased the dosage of Lipoic Acid. Sorry to say, you may experience some increased side effects. It's not a cure, but, um, should keep it at bay for a while. Jack: I've been looking into studies from the Institute of Radiology in Prague, based on treatment protocols in Chernobyl- Liddel: It's apples and oranges, Jack. We're not talking about alpha particles, and beta particles, gamma or neutron rays. The radiation you were exposed to when you walked into that reactor-well, it's a different fruit all together. Jack: Then, I'll keep looking. Liddel: 20 years I've known you. You're not one iota less stubborn. How's Sydney. Jack: She's doing well. Liddel: I remember when she was just starting school. Where do the years go? Jack, I've watched countless people die. Had to look into my patients eyes when I tell them what they have is terminal. And you know what? That stuff about laughter being the best medicine? It's a load of bunk. Jack: I assume you have a point. Liddel: A clean conscience-that's a treatment I can stand behind. We both know how this going to end. We can filter your blood til the cows come home, but there's no changing the outcome. Clear your conscience, Jack. Jack: That will take another lifetime at least. Liddel: I'm not suggesting you write your memoirs. Although I'm sure they would make a hell of a read. Start small. Talk to your daughter. Jack: She's better off not knowing. Liddel: Jack, these secrets you're keeping, they're not yours to keep. Amsterdam Dark street. Vaughn, Dixon inside van. Vaughn: We've been waiting for over an hour. Think Kradic's gonna show? Dixon: I hope so. Vaughn: You have history with the target? Dixon: I knew the undercover agent- Raimes. Vaughn: From Langley? Dixon: We were in the corps together. Force recon. Toughest guy in our platoon. Didn't think the bullet was made that could take him down. Vaughn: We don't know that he's dead. He could've been captured. Dixon: If Raimes were alive, he would have made contact. A car pulls up nearby. People get out. Dixon: Okay, there's Kradic Vaughn: There's another guy there. Brown jacket. You see him? Dixon: It's Raimes. Vaughn: Do you think he's gone rogue? Nadia leaning over Sophia in her hospital bed. Sophia: You've grown into a beautiful woman, you know. So different from the girl I once knew. You were so angry then. Nadia: I know it's hard to believe, at least it is for me, I have a home now. A family. I finally feel like I belong somewhere. Sophia: Your father's a good man. I can tell. Nadia: You should rest now. I'll be by tonight to check on you. Sophia: Nadia, wait. (she takes off her necklace and gives it to Nadia) Sophia: It's San Marcos, the orphanage's namesake. My happiest times were there watching over you girls. I want you to have it. Nadia: I can't. Sophia: Please. It is my way of thanking you for taking care of me. APO Marshall's lab. He has on what looks like a virtual simulation helmet. He's using it to play and look at a little thing of what looks like jello? Hehehe, he looks funny. Mr. Sloane does not look amused. Marshall: WOAH, uh, hey- I-sorry-Mr. Sloane. I was testing out a mod on a virtual imager, and, well, you looked a little freaky. Sloane: (hands a small case to Marshall) There's a latex fingerprint in here. I want to get everything you can on the person it belongs to. I want it kept between us. Marshall: Yeah, sure, no problem. Sloane: Thank you (leaves) Marshall goes back to playing with his helmet,. But this time instead of using the jello thing, he uses the latex fingerprint. We see Jack in his office scratching at the skin on the palm of his hand, which is peeling. Ewww. Sydney walks in. Sydney: Dad, Dixon and Vaughn called in. They found Raimes, he's alive. He's traveling with Kradic. Jack: Have our team shadow Raimes. The second he's alone, pull him aside for questioning. I want to know why he hasn't contacted Langley. Sydney: I'll let them know. Dad? Jack: Let me know when Dixon have secured Raimes. Sydney: I'll keep you posted. Jack continues to peel at his skin. Ewww. Vaughn and Dixon in some party lounge watching Kradic and Raimes. Vaughn: (on radio) Got the target. He just ordered a whiskey strait up. Dixon: Okay, go for it. Vaughn starts walking and bumps into the woman carrying the tray to Kradic, Raimes, and Aleksander. . He places a tablet in Raimes's drink. Vaughn: (to woman, with a smile) Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. Woman delivers the drinks to the crew. Raimes: Cheers. (drinks all in one gulp) Aleksander: We're in Amsterdam. This is the best place we can find? No. If I chose the meet, we'd be in a park or near a beautiful canal. Raimes looks like he's going to be sick. He leaves. Kradic: Where are you going? Aleksander: Where are you going? Raimes makes his way to the restroom. He passes by a suspicious looking Man. In the restroom, he is sick. Vaughn and Dixon come out to interrogate him. Dixon: Last time I saw you like this was in a bar in Baghdad. Raimes: Marcus. What are you doing here. Dixon: Langley assumed you were compromised. What's going on? Raimes: The Embassy bombing. Vaughn: You warned of an attack somewhere in Denmark, 2 weeks ago and then nothing. Why didn't you send a second warning that the bomb would go off? Raimes: You know what? I'll fill out a report later. Right now, I gotta get back out there, because Kradic is meeting with an associate. Dixon: Then talk fast, Tom. We need answers. Raimes: You don't understand. Dixon: So explain it to us. Vaughn: Why haven't you checked in with your handlers? Raimes: Kradic is paranoid. If I would have radioed in- Vaughn: There are other ways. Dixon: I have to report in, Tom. And right now, we're looking at 2 scenarios. Either you blew your intel, or you've gone over. Which is it? Raimes: You think I sold out? Vaughn: You tell us. Raimes: All right, I had the intel, okay? But if I would have warned Langley, Kradic would have known we were on to him. Vaughn: So you decided to let 15 people die? Raimes: I had my reasons. Dixon: We're listening. Raimes: Kradic is after a new weapon developed by the Indonesians. It's a water contaminant. It can wipe out whole ecosystems. Kradic has a line on it. The Embassy bombing was crucial to acquiring the weapon. It was a handful of lives against a half a million. Dixon: That's not your call to make. Raimes: You weren't there. Now, look, if I'm not back in a few minutes, Kradic is gonna know something's wrong. Yes, 15 people died, but if we don't recover that weapon, It'll be hundreds of thousands. So, you gonna let me walk out that door or what? Your call, Marcus. Dixon (on phone) Kradic knew the Indonesians developed a sample of hydrosec but they didn't know where. So he bombed the Embassy as cover for the intel theft. Sydney: Emergency protocol dictates that if a bomb goes off, all confidential intelligence is transferred to off-site servers. The explosion triggered those protocols. Jack: Kradic must have been prepared to intercept the outgoing data. Vaughn: The location of the hydrosec must have been in those files. He knows where it it and now he's putting together a team to steal it from the Indonesians. Sloane: Indonesian officials deny that their intelligence has been compromised. Dixon: What else could they say? If they admit to developing hydrosec, they'd be violating international weapons treaties. Raimes: We're talking in circles here. The only option we've got is to make Kradic lead us to the weapon. We could take them out before he gets a chance to use it. Sloane: Dixon, what's your tactical assessment? Dixon: Considering our situation, I think our best bet is to keep Agent Raimes in the field. Vaughn: Agreed. You and Vaughn will shadow. Dixon: Copy that. We see Kradic and Bodyguard where they were earlier. Kradic (to Aleksander): Go check on Raimes, make sure he's okay. Aleksander goes. Back in bathroom. Dixon: We'll outfit you for comms. Raimes: No dice. Kradic has stat of the art counter-surveillance detection. If I show up there wired for sound, I'll light up like a Christmas tree. Dixon: Then we'll modify the comms. Spread-spectrum burst transmitters. Should be beyond Kradic's capabilities. It'll take us a few minutes to get them ready. I'll brush pass you with them. Raimes: Fine, I'll meet you at the bar in 10 minutes. Dixon: Wait. This meet, who is it? Raimes: A hacker. Linus Halsey. Why? Dixon: Does Kradic know this hacker face to face? Raimes: You're thinking of switching him out? Vaughn: Well, you stand a better chance with another man on the inside. Raimes: Fine, but you better hurry. He'll be here in one hour? Raimes walks out and runs right into Aleksander. Aleksander: Hey, what the hell? Where did you go? Raimes: Let me tell you something. Shooting whiskey on an empty stomach-not good. What's the matter, Milos pushing you around again? Aleksander: He's waiting. Raimes: You're like a little girl. Come on, Let's go. APO Sydney: I'll start with Langley, see if they have an open file on Halsey. Jack: If there's a current file photo, we can run his faceprint through interpol's biometric city scan. Sloane: Make it fast. We don't have much time. Sydney and Jack leave, Sloane continues walking. Marshall comes running up to him. Marshall: Mr. Sloane, sir-Mr.-Here's that background check that you asked me to run. Sloane: Yeah. Marshall: Sophia Vargas. Yeah, you probably just want to skip to the last page. Sloane does so. Weird music plays. Pause. Sloane: Thank you, Marshall. Marshall: Sure. Sydney and Nadia sitting at their desks looking at various files on Linus Halsey. Sydney: I found the hacker, Linus Halsey. He was an MIT gradiate with a degree in Nonlinear Cryptoalgorithisms and Stochastic Systems Analysis. Because if they call it 'code-breaking' they couldn't charge 30 grand tuition. Nadia: Okay, I'm linked with Amsterdam's urban surveillance network. I'm checking the database for hotel reservations. Got him. Hotel Ruisseau. It's just a few blocks over from where they are. [SCENE_BREAK] Hotel Ruisseau. We see Halsy walking down the hall, watched by Vaughn. Dixon is still in the van. Vaughn: (on radio) Got eyes on Halsey. Dixon: Let me know when you've got him, and I'll head inside. Vaughn pulls out a needle and syringe. He walks down the hall to stab Halsey, but Halsey attacks him. They fight. Halsey throws Vaughn on the ground and runs out. Vaughn follows. Dixon: Shotgun, What's going on? Vaughn chases Halsey down the fire escape. Halsey jumps into the dumpster. Vaughn follows, landing the dumpster 3 seconds before Halsey can climb out. They commence running. Vaughn: Dixon, coming your way. Running, running. A car runs into Halsey and he rolls over it. Halsey runs right into Dixon who probably stabs him with a needle. Vaughn runs up. Vaughn: I would have had him. Dixon: I know. Nadia is sitting at her desk fingering the necklace Sophia gave her. Sydney walks up. Sydney: Hey. Good work on Hotel Ruisseau. They caught Halsey. Nadia: Thanks. We aim to please. Sydney: You're in a good mood. Nadia: Yeah, I guess so. Sydney: So things went well with Sophia after we left? (sits) Nadia: Yeah, I've missed her so much. Sydney: It's been a long time. Nadia: I was so different back then. You wouldn't have known me. Sydney: I bet I would have. Nadia: No. I was crazy, wild. I don't know what Sophia saw in me. She was always telling me, I was her special one. For years after I left the orphanage, that was the only thing I could hang on to. I knew someone, somewhere, believed in me. Sydney: You were lucky to have a person like that in your life. Nadia: Yeah. Sophia's hospital room. Sloane storms in. Sloane: Why did you really come here? Tell me? Sophia: I don't know what you mean. Sloane: I know all about Jose Pedraza. I know how the Argentine police found his body. I know they found a suspect's fingerprint. But they couldn't find a match. I did. Sophia: He was hurting my girls, and I was the one who hired him to tend the grounds. I didn't realize. Nadia: Did he hurt Nadia? Sophia: He tried. I didn't give him the second chance. I know what I did was wrong, but they were my children. Sloane: Yeah. I would have done the same thing. Still, that doesn't answer my question. Sophia: All I ever wanted was to protect Nadia. When she was brought to me as a baby, she was in danger. I changed her last name to Santos so nobody could find her. (What was her name before? Derevko, Sloane, Bristow?) The men who attacked me in Lisbon-They weren't after me. They were after Nadia. They wanted to know what name I had given her. Sloane: And what did you tell them? Sophia: Nothing. Sloane: Why didn't you tell Nadia? Sophia: When I saw her with her sister, with you. . .She deserves the happiness she's found here. I couldn't bring all that pain back to her life. Sloane: Don't worry. Now I can take care of her. Sophia: How can you be sure? Sloane: Because I know who's after my child. Marshall's lab. Sydney walks in. Sydney: You wanted to show me something? Marshall: Oh, yeah, hey, Syd. Yeah, check this out. Now this is one nanogram of hydrosec, which is one billionth of a gram in a 500 milliliter of water. (we see simulation of a drop of liquid dropping into a bowl) According to my simulation, the toxin actually feeds off the water. One gram of hydrosec, Lake Michigan turns into sludge. It's incredible, really, y'know? Dr. Evil sort of way. . .(takes his pinky and puts to his mouth) Sydney: What would it take to manufacture this stuff, Level 4 biohazard containment? Marshall: Yeah, and a massive cooling system, which should narrow down the possible locations. Give me a couple hours. . . Sydney nods and sees the VARGAS, SOPHIA file on Marshall's desk. She picks it up. Sydney: What's this? Marshall: Huh? Uh. . .It's just a copy of some research I'm doing for- ahem- Mr. Sloane. It's not- (she leaves) Damn it. Sydney walks into Sloane's office. Sydney: What the hell are you thinking? Sloane: I'm sure you mean that in the most polite way. (pours himself some water) Sydney: Using CIA resources to check up on Sophia. Sloane: I was merely being cautious. Sydney: I don't understand this, but Nadia believes in you. Somehow you've earned her trust. Every time you lie to her, you break that bond. I want you to understand that I'm not telling you this out of concern for you. Only my sister. Lounge where Kradic has been. Dixon walks in posing as Halsey. Raimes, Aleksander, and Kradic are all seated on couches. Dixon: Nobody reads the paper anymore. Kradic: There is too much tragedy in the world. Aleksander: (does a sweep of Dixon) Clean. Kradic: Have a seat. (Dixon sits) Your reputation proceeds you, Mr. Halsey. Dixon: You're too kind. Kradic: Temperamental. Arrogant. Vindictive. Violent. Vain. Petty and deceitful. We see Vaughn listening in to the conversation in the back of the van. The real Halsey sits with his mouth taped up. Dixon: You're forgetting talented. Brilliant. And easy on the eye. Kradic: Ha, there is that. You are supposed to be brilliant. Raimes: They say you're the best hacker in the EU Kradic: That's the rep. But, what went wrong on the Kroner job? Van with Vaughn and Halsy. Vaughn: Kroner job-what happened? (he rips the tape off Halsey's face) Halsy: Petty? Who the hell's that son of a b** to call me petty? You know what? You can all go-ahh. (Vaughn tugs on one of his many eyebrow rings, he's got earrings and nose rings too) Dixon: Nothing went wrong. Kradic: Then why does Kroner hate you so much, hmm? Dixon: I finished the job as agreed. Perfectly, I may add. Back in van, Vaughn pulls off a few more of halsey's facerings. Vaughn: Listen to me, you son of a b, I'm not gonna let you hang my partner out to dry. Halsey: The son of a b** shorted me 10 grand. Vaughn: Kroner stiffed him 10,000 euros. Dixon: Then Kroner turned around, forgot to pay me my 10,000 euros. Kradic: That doesn't explain why he hates you. Vaughn: Now, by my count, you still have 3 rings left. That's on one ear. What happened? Dixon: After he stiffed me. . . Vaughn: He hacked Kroner's credit card to buy hookers. Dixon: I hacked into his credit card account, charged it exactly 10,000 euros to several young ladies in the red light district, and then sent the bills to his wife. Yes, I did. Raimes and Aleksander start laughing. Kradic: We leave in an hour. Aleksander, tell the team to meet us at Tuege airfield. APO Jack in his office peeling the skin off the palm of his hand. Grabs a letter opener, and uses that on it. Sydney wlks in. Sydney: You wanted to see me? Jack: I was thinking. . .The embassy transmission that Kradic intercepted-the network tap he installed would have had to have been physically placed on the premises. Sydney: I don't follow. Jack: It would be too risky to send someone to retrieve it afterwards, so we can assume, it stores the information. Sydney: Which means we might be able to access it as well and download the same intel Kradic got off it. Jack: This is all assuming the Indonesians haven't already located and removed the tap. Sydney: It's worth a shot. I'll get Marshall right on it. She leaves. Jack resumes scraping the palm of his hand with a letter opener. He cuts his hand open and he pulls out a capsule. The look of shock on his face is obvious. Doctor Liddel's office. Liddel: Decades of research went into the development of this little marvel, and you yank it out with a letter opener? Jack: What are you talking about? Liddel: You don't have the faintest-I implanted it to regulate the medication in your bloodstream. I explained the entire procedure to you. Jack: You did? Liddel: I did. Jack: I have no memory of this. Liddel: Well, we talked about the fact that memory loss could be a side effect. I even implanted a second one in your calf. (Jack lifts up his pants legand we see a gauze strip) You don't remember that either, do you? Jack: My position, my job-this side effect is unacceptable. Liddel: I can adjust the medication. But your condition is progressing quicker than I had anticipated. Jack, have you thought anymore about what we discussed? About Sydney? Jack: Sydney has had to face so many things in her life. Too many for someone so young. And now, given my condition, I don't want to burden her. It's not fair. Liddel: Honesty-that's fair. You won't always be around to protect her, Jack. She has to know the truth before it's too late. Back of a van, On the way to the airport. Dixon and Raimes chat. Raimes: You disagree with my decision? Dixon: The embassy? I wasn't there. Raimes: I was boxed in. So, I made a call. Did some civilians die? (nods) Yes. Would I do it again? Absolutely. (shakes his head as Dixon looks on) There are sacrifices we have to make. There are casualties in the business that we're in. You disappoint me, Marcus. There was a time you understood that. Dixon: That was a long time ago. Things are. . .different. Raimes: What happened, you get religion? Dixon: I had that. No, I got married. Had kids. Changes a man. Raimes: Hm. You mean it softens. Dixon: I mean it deepens, Gives a man perspective. Maybe we need men who can make the hard call, weigh the many against the few. I just know that every time I think of those 15 people at the embassy, it weighs on me. Raimes: (pause, in which he tries to speak but can't) How many kids you got? Dixon: A daughter, Robin. And a son, Steven. Raimes: And the lucky lady? (smiles) Dixon: My wife was killed a few years ago. What you would call a casualty of the business we're in. Teuge Airfield. We see some airplanes. It's nighttime. A van pulls up. We see Vaughn inside a shed dialing on a cell phone. Aleksander and Kradic get out of the van. Aleksander walks off. Kradic: Make sure the plane's ready to go. (opens the back of the van and Dixon and Raimes step out) Dixon: Ooh, hope it's warm where we're going, cause this weather's killing me. Bodyguard: We are 15 minutes behind schedule. We'll have to make it up in the air. APO Breifing room. Sloane, Nadia, and Sydney sit around table. Sydney: Vaughn just checked in. Nadia: Kradic and his men just arrived at Tuege airport. Sydney: Marshall was able to run a network probe at the Indonesian Embassy. It turns out m father was right. Nadia: We've got a source on the hydrosec. Sydney: It's in a manufacturing plant in Peru. Unfortunately, (Jack walks in and takes a seat at the table) Kradic beat us to it. He must've had a team in place. Four hours ago there was a fire in one of the research labs. Nadia: Our theory is that one of Kradic's men caused the accident to steal the hydrosec. Sloane (nods): It fits their M. O. Using disaster to achieve their operational objectives. Sydney: Well, the big question is, since they have it, where do they plan to use it. Sloane: It's most likely that Kradic will set up a rendezvous with the heist team. Our best course of action would still be to keep Dixon in play. That's it. (Nadia and Sydney leave, he looks at Jack) Something else, Jack? Jack: I know we agreed to keep this between ourselves, but the time has arrived. Personal considerations have been weighing on me, Arvin. We need to tell them the truth. (he looks over at Sydney and Nadia at their desks) Sloane: Yes, I know. You're right. I'm afraid that Nadia's already in danger. Teuge airport. Aleksander walks up to the rest of the group. Aleksander: Fully fueled and ready to take us over the border. Kradic: Get the gear. Let's move. Bodyguards gather stuff. Dixon and Raimes walk ahead. Followed by Aleksander and Kradic. We all of a sudden see another group of men walking. This group includes the suspicious looking Man from earlier. Man: I'm in place. Do you read? Man on comms: Go ahead. Aleksander hears beeping and pulls out ear piece which he places in his ear. Man: Kradic has gathered a total of six team members, and they're en route to the plane. Man on comms: And Agent Dixon is still embedded? Man: Securely. Aleksander hears all of this. He whispers in Kradics ear. Dixon and Raimes continue walking. Kradic: (yells) HEY! Bodyguards, Kradic, and Aleksander all pull out guns. Dixon and Raimes turn around. Dixon: What's going on? Vaughn: Outrigger, I'm in position. (he closer to them, behind some boxes) Kradic: I have a better question. Which one of you is Agent Dixon? Dixon: (laughs) What? Oh, man, you're out of your mind. Raimes: Milos, come on. Put the gun down. Take it easy. Kradic: Enough! Aleksander intercepted a transmission. Dixon: Transmission? Raimes: What are you talking about? You're just being paranoid. Kradic: I know one of you is an agent. Vaughn: If I move any closer, I'll be made. Do you have a weapon? Dixon shakes his head. Raimes: Milos, come on. Let's talk this thing through. Come on. Kradic: We are not doing anything until I find out the truth. (looks at Dixon) I sensed something was wrong about you. Dixon: No, no, no. you wrong! (yells and points at Kradic) You know my reputation. You checked out the Kroner job. Kradic: I should have trusted my instincts. Dixon: Now, see, this is insane. I am not an agent! Raimes: Take it easy. Kradic: Who do you work for? CIA? Mossad? Dixon: Man, What you talking about? Raimes: Milos, nobody here is an agent. Kradic: Okay, then you leave me little choice, huh? I'll have to kill both of you. Which one of you would like to die first? Dixon: Nobody's got to die. We're all on the same side here. Everybody just needs to calm down. Lower your guns. Kradic: Okay. (puts away gun) Kill both of them. Raimes punches Dixon and pulls out a gun. He shoots the bodyguards. One of their guns lands near Dixon, who picks it up. He aims his gun at Aleksander and Kradic. Dixon: Enough! Vaughn: Outrigger, don't shoot Kradic. We need him to lead us to the hydrosec. Dixon: Let me finish this. (to Raimes) Get on your knees. (Raimes complies) This is how you deal with traitors. (to Raimes) What you got to say now, Agent Dixon? (Places his gun to Raimes's chest) So Dixon, any last words? Kradic: Hey, casualty of the business I'm in. Vaughn: He's giving us an out. He's sacrificing himself to save the mission. Shoot him. Do it. BANG Raimes falls to the ground. Dixon: (turns to Kradic) We have business to do, and we need to get out of here before this guy's backup shows. (hands his gun to Kradic) You're welcome. Kradic: (takes the gun and turns around) Let's go. Kradic, Aleksander, and Dixon board the plane. The plane takes off. Vaughn runs out to Raimes. Vaughn takes out a phone and dials. Vaughn: This is Agent Vaughn, field code alpha-5-0-niner-charlie. Request authorization for a code 4 medivac. We have an agent down. APO Sydney walks up to Marshall and Weiss at a desk. Sydney: Vaughn just reported in. Agent Raimes is being medivaced to Deventer. He's critical but stable. They're saying the shot didn't hit any of his vital organs. Dixon saved his life. He just boarded a plane with Kradic and his team. Here's the tail number of his flight. (hands Weiss a paper) Weiss: All right, I"ll put in a call to Euro control, see if we can track it. Marshall: I think I might be able to triangulate Dixon's signal using, one of NSA's com sats. Just- Jack: (walks up) Excuse me, do you have a minute? Sloane's office, Nadia and Sloane are already there. Jack and Sydney walk in. Sydney: What is this about? Sloane: Please, come in. Jack: There's something we need to tell you, something you have the right to know. It concerns your mother's sister. Nadia and Sydney look at each other. Sydney: Katya? Jack: Elena. She was one of the KGB's foremost assassins, responsible for the murders of countless diplomats and politicians throughout eastern Europe. In the course of her work she earned a reputation fro being the cruelest of the Derevko women. Nadia: Why are you telling us this now? Sloane: Because, almost 30 years ago, Elena disappeared. It was rumored she had a falling out with Irina. Elena severed all ties with the KGB, as well as her family. Both the CIA and the KGB tried to find her, but to no avail. Even Irina couldn't locate her. Sydney: But you found something. Jack: I received a message from an old associate about a year ago that led me to one of Elena's safehouses in Warsaw. Sloane: Inside we found this. Sloane lays 2 books in front of Sydney and Nadia. They each open them to reveal pictures of them. Sydney: It's me in college. Nadia: This is my old apartment in Argentina. Sydney: My grad school transcripts. Nadia: I was nine here. Jack: Given what's here, we can assume she's been surveilling you both for at least a decade. Sloane: We can also assume she is responsible for the attack on Sophia. Nadia: Why? What does she want from us? Sloane: We don't know. We're doing everything we can to find out. We see Sophia at a computer listening in on the conversation. Sydney: What did you learn? The conversation continues. The words are unintelligible. Man: (still suspicious-looking from earlier, on phone) It's me. The plane is in the air do you know where they're headed? Sophia: (on phone) I'll contact you once I have their final destination. Man: I'll be waiting. I won't let you down Elena. Elena/Sophia is still listening in on the conversation. Sydney: Do you have any idea where Elena is now? Sloane: At this point, she could be anywhere.	Plan: A: Jack; Q: Who seeks a doctor who might be able to cure his radiation poisoning? A: the doctor; Q: Who tells Jack that he must tell Sydney? A: Sydney; Q: Who finds out that Sloane and Marshall have been watching Nadia and Sophia? A: Sophia; Q: Who was Nadia's caretaker when she was young? A: Los Angeles; Q: Where does Sophia go to tell Sydney about Nadia? A: Amsterdam; Q: Where do Vaughn and Dixon go on a mission to find an agent who might have gone rogue? A: Dixon's associate; Q: Who is pursuing leads on Hydrosek? A: Hydrosek; Q: What is the name of the water-based weapon that could wipe out entire ecosystems? A: Indonesia; Q: What country developed Hydrosek? A: millions; Q: How many people could be killed by Hydrosek? A: Sloane; Q: Who acquired intel on Sophia? A: the truth; Q: What did Sloane want to make sure Sophia was telling? A: the information; Q: What did Elena Derevko accumulate about Sydney and Nadia? Summary: Jack seeks a doctor who might be able to cure his radiation poisoning, but the doctor cannot help him and tells Jack that he must tell Sydney. Sophia, Nadia's caretaker when she was young, calls her and she comes to Los Angeles. She reveals that she was beaten when someone came to look for Nadia. Meanwhile, Vaughn and Dixon go on a mission in Amsterdam to find an agent who might have gone rogue. Dixon's associate is actually pursuing leads on Hydrosek, a water-based weapon developed by Indonesia that could wipe out entire ecosystems and kill millions. Sloane (via Marshall) acquires intel on Sophia just to be sure she was telling the truth, but Sydney finds out. Jack and Sloane later confess that they know that someone has been watching Sydney and Nadia since they were young and acquiring information about them. It is revealed that Elena Derevko is the one who has been accumulating the information. It is then shown that Sophia and Elena are one and the same.
[Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Jen, Jack and Pacey are sitting at a table talking together, when Joey comes up and joins them carrying a bowl full of popcorn. They are all joking and laughing with one another.] Jen: Yeah, yeah, and if I said-- if I said--if I said one word like that, the whole thing would be, like, aah! [All laugh] Jen: And another thing about bad bosses [Audrey comes into the bar and looks around and sees them and sheepishly goes over to the table] Joey: Oh. Audrey: So... anyway, here's the thing. Um, I messed up, and I'm really sorry... you know, for my insane behavior the past couple of months, for any pain or worry I might have caused you guys, for... pushing you away when you were just trying to be my friends. So the thing is that after the whole Christmas debacle, you know, I went home to Los Angeles, and... this one night, this one horrible, horrible night, I found myself at this party in Malibu on this beach... full of strangers. And the sun was coming up, and... I was just drunk off my ass, and... I remember looking around and thinking, "you know what? "Maybe the problem isn't Joey... "or Pacey or... "Jen or C.J. "Or jack or Dawson or anyone else. "Just maybe... maybe it's me." I don't expect you to forgive me right away because I do realize how bad I've messed up, and... you know, I just... if you guys wanna call me sometime, you know, just to say hi, that would be really cool. Because I really love you guys, and I miss you, and I'm just really sorry. [They all get up and stop her before she can leave] Joey: Audrey. Jen: Audrey. Pacey: Hey, come on. Come back here. Joey: Audrey. Audrey. Joey: Hey. We missed you. Audrey: Yeah. I missed you, sweetie. Jen: It's ok. [They all take turns hugging Audrey] Audrey: Oh, god! Ha! [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Emma is leaning on the pool table while staring at the new bartender, when Joey comes walking up from the back room. Joey sees Emma and decides to find out what she is doing.] Joey: What are you doing? Emma: I was just having a sexual fantasy about the new bartender. We were out in the alley, and we were doing it against the brick wall behind the garbage bins. Joey: Interesting. 'Cause to me, it's totally the pool table. Emma: Joey potter, I am shocked! Joey: What? I am not above the occasional random sexual fantasy to help the otherwise glacially paced workday. Believe me. Don't let the prim exterior fool you. Underneath it all, I'm actually... less prim. Emma: [Laughs] Oh, while we're on the subject of bartenders with lust-worthy asses, whatever happened to Eddie? Joey: What do you mean? He got fired. Emma: Well, I know that. But he never even came back to clear out his locker. Joey: Well, why would you think that I would know where he was? Emma: Well, weren't you two Joey: Oh. Oh, we had a little fling. A barely significant fling. I mean, it was... nothing. Emma: I guess I must have got it wrong. Joey: Yeah. Me and Eddie, way over. It was over before it started. Emma: Ok, well, good. Then I guess you wouldn't mind clearing out his locker. The boss has been asking me about it, and we really do need the space. I'd do it myself, but I was kinda hoping to cut out early for band practice. Joey: Yeah, sure. That's no problem. Emma: Good. Ok. Um, I guess you can pretty much just throw everything into the garbage. If there was anything of any worth, I'm sure he would have come back for it already. Joey: Right. Emma: You're a love. [She looks down at the bartender's ass as he walks by and winks at Joey] Oh. Have fun then, Joey. [Scene: The Brokerage. Pacey is attending a meeting with the other brokers in the office. Rich is going over the tasks ahead of them.] Rich: So continue watching to see if the merger takes. In the meantime, advise caution to your clients. Now one final note. I'd like to remind you to keep pushing Stepatech industries. It's about to shoot through the roof. When their new drug gets approved on Monday, anyone who holds the stock is going to be very, very rich. And I don't need to remind you that Stepatech itself is a client here, and we'd like to keep them happy, so keep giving it the hard sell. All right, let's go out there and make some money. [Everyone leaves] Rich: Witter, can I talk to you for one second? Please. [Rich turns to Pacey before he can leave] Rich: Here's the thing. I know we've had our problems in the past, but don't think that because of that I'd let your good work go unnoticed or unrewarded. Pacey: Rich, please, the enormous commissions are reward enough for me. Rich: Spoken like a true acolyte. So I have an extra reward in store for you. There's a big shindig tomorrow night at the home of Roger Stepavitch. Do you know who Roger Stepavitch is? Pacey: Of course I do. He's the founder and CEO of Stepatech industries. Rich: Very good. He asked me personally to bring my most promising seller to this particular shindig, which puts me in kind of a tough position because, well, it's you, Pacey. You're my best seller. Let's face it. You have some sort of natural gift for this stuff, a gift which unfortunately is matched only by your incredible ego and attitude. And I'm torn because on the one hand, I see flashes of greatness in you. And on the other hand, I see flashes of you freaking out on me in the middle of the French quarter down in New Orleans, or you suddenly pretending to get sick and blowing off work for a couple days for no apparent reason. So as you can see, I'm in a bit of a bind. I want to bring you to this party, Pacey. But first I need to know something. Can you be a team player? Pacey: Wow, rich, I-- I mean, uh, heh. I don't know what to say here. I'm honored. Rich: Yeah. Pacey: I'm honored by the trust that you've placed in me, and I do know that we have had our differences in the past. But you should know that now I am 100% committed to this job and everything that it has to offer. And I fully realize what an enormous opportunity you're giving me here by taking me to this party, so Rich: Witter, I don't need your life story. A simple yes or no would have sufficed. Pacey: Right. Well, in that case, yes, absolutely. You can count on me 100%. I'm a team player. Rich: Good. It's settled, then. You're coming to the party. Pacey: I--I appreciate that. That's--this is fantastic. [Scene: Outside Emma's Apartment. Audrey turns the corner of the hallway to Emma's apartment and sees a line of women lined up to her door. She makes her way around the women, and knocks on the door. Emma opens the door and is a shocked to see Audrey there.] Emma: Sorry to keep you all waiting. I-- oh. Hello. Audrey: Dude, what is up with all the Courtney Love wannabes? It's like an Audrey convention out there. Emma: Um, yes, well, why don't you come on in and I'll explain about that. Audrey: [Sighs] Hey. Ok, you guys, what's up? Why are you looking at me like somebody died? Emma: I don't know how to say this. Um, those girls out there? They're out there because they're auditioning to be lead singer of this band. Audrey: But we already have a lead singer, you guys. Emma: Yes, we did have a lead singer. Unfortunately, she flaked out so terribly, she had to be replaced. You know, got drunk a lot, messed up on stage, and then disappeared to California without so much as a phone call, missing several band rehearsals, you know, the usual bit that gets lead singers kicked out of bands. But the thing is we have a gig tomorrow night, like, a real gig. Well, we're third on the bill, but we're opening up for a band that's opening up for a band that's really good. Like, amazing, actually, and... this could potentially be huge for us, and we can't afford to muck it up. Audrey: What band? Emma: Loud milk. Audrey: Oh. I love that band. Emma: Don't we all, and we're playing at the Bent Elbow. Audrey: The place is, like, famous. Emma: I know. It's all fairly monumental, which is why we needed a new lead singer, one with the talent minus the drama. Audrey: Ok. I got it, but... the thing is... that you guys should know, is that there was this lead singer, you know, the one who flaked out terribly and messed up and deserved to get fired, but, you see, that lead singer--she's gone. Because she had this moment of clarity on a beach in Malibu, and she realized that all of the drinking and the partying and--and the general mayhem was costing her the things that were most important in her life like her friends and... this band. You guys, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry because this band is one of the few things that I care about in the whole stupid world! Ok, and--and you have got to admit that I may be part of the reason why you guys got that gig. And you know that none of those girls out there are gonna be half as good as me when I'm good! And I promise you that if you give me another chance, I will be better than good. I will be the best. Please. You guys, just gimme-- just gimme another chance, please? [Emma looks at the other and members and they all nod their approval.] Emma: Ok. But I swear, if you make me regret this, I will kill you. Audrey: No, I won't, I won't, I won't! [Audrey runs over and hugs Emma and they both fall onto the couch.] Emma: Aaaah! [Scene: Back room of Hell's Kitchen. Joey is cleaning out Eddie's locker. She throws away some papers, and a shirt that he has left in the locker. She reaches in and pulls out a large envelope that was addressed to Eddie at his parent's house, and opens and pulls out a letter and large document. She reads the letter, and it is a rejection letter from a publisher. She looks at the document and reads Greetings from Worchester Short Stories by Eddie Doling on the cover page. She decides not to throw this out.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Bent Elbow. Audrey and Emma's band are rehearsing in front of many of the other bands members, and everyone is getting into the music that they are playing. Audrey is singing Bad Times and is sounding rather good now that she is sober.] [Rock music playing] [They finish the song, and rap their rehearsal session.] Emma: that actually sounded very good. All right. So, everyone meet back here at 8:15? Audrey: Ok. Sure. [Audrey walks into the back room and runs into a member of one of the other bands playing.] Man: Hey. Audrey: Hello. Man: You girls rock. Audrey: Oh. Well, thanks. Man: So, um... uh, you like to have fun? Audrey: I guess. Man: Well, I'm with the, uh, the other opening band, Satan's Tampon? You ever hear of us? Audrey: [Laughs] I can't say that I have. Man: Right. Well, there's a-- there's a party happenin' later on the tour bus if you wanna come. [Scene: Joey's Dorm Room. Joey and Harley are there sitting on her bed, and Joey is tutoring Harley in Geometry.] Joey: Ok, Harley, all you have to do is follow the formula. It's simple. "A" squared plus "b" squared equals "c" squared. Harley: [Scoffs] Forget it. I'm never gonna get it. Joey: Yes, you will. You just follow the formula. Harley: Screw the formula. The formula can lick my lily-white ass. Joey: Nice. You kiss your father with that mouth? Harley: Ew, gross. Why would I kiss my father? Joey: You know what? Fine. Why don't we take a break? You want a soda? Harley: I'd rather have a vodka. Joey: Oh, sorry. We're out. [Joey throws her a can of soda, and Harley is just staring at her.] Joey: What? Harley: Just wonderin' how you're holdin' up. Joey: How I'm holding up? Harley: Look, we could sit here all night and pretend that I don't know what I know about you and Eddie or you could actually realize that I might be a good confidante or shoulder to cry on. We could talk about it. Joey: I appreciate the offer, but there's really nothing to talk about. Harley: What do you mean there's nothing to talk about? The boy just disappeared with no explanation. He broke your heart. You're dying inside, wanting to know what happened to him. Joey: Thanks for the recap. Harley: Joey, listen, I may be a 15-year-old idiot, but... I'm also your friend, and I understand the situation with you and Eddie better than you're giving me credit for. Joey: You're my friend? Harley: Yeah. We're friends. Aren't we? Joey: Yeah, I guess we are. Harley: Cool. So, how's the search going? Any new leads? Joey: What search? What, am I supposed to hire a private detective to find some guy I dated for 2 months who obviously never wants to see me again? Harley: Well, how do you know he doesn't want to see you? Maybe he just got bonked on the head and now he has amnesia. Or maybe he got kidnapped by international jewel thieves. Point is, you have to be your own detective. Joey: Well, now that you mention it, and I can't believe I'm telling you this, but... I sort of found a manuscript he wrote. It had a phone number and address on it in Worcester, which is where his parents live, and they probably know where he is Harley: Well, what are you waiting for? Joey: What, am I just supposed to call them up and ask? Harley: Yes! Duh. Joey: Don't you think it-- it seems a little desperate and pathetic? Harley: It's romantic and heartfelt. Joey: I guess it wouldn't hurt to call. I mean, at least I'd know where he was. You know, that he was alive. Harley: Go. Call. [Dialing] Harley: What's going on? Joey: Oh, it's all very exciting. The phone is actually ringing. Harley: [Laughs] Shut up. [Cut to a ringing Phone. Eddie Picks it up off he toolbox next to the car he is working on] Eddie: Hello? [Joey hangs up the phone, and Eddie looks confused for a sec, then goes back to work on the car.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The big Fancy Party. Rich and Pacey have just arrived at the party and have walked in to join the party. A man sees them and walks over to welcome them.] Rich: Welcome to the big leagues, my friend. Please don't embarrass me. Carl: Rich Rinaldi. Rich: Hi. Carl: Hey. How ya doing? It's good to see ya. Rich: Good to see you. Carl: So, congratulations on landing the account. Roger's over there singing your praises. Rich: That's certainly appreciated, Carl. We do our best. This is, uh, Carl Rosen, VP in charge of marketing at Stepatech. Have you met Pacey Witter, one of our most promising young sellers? I have a feeling you're gonna be hearing a lot from him in the future. Carl: Oh, pleasure to meet you, Mr. Witter. Pacey: It's a pleasure to meet you, too, sir. Carl: Well, gentlemen, keep up the good work. Enjoy yourselves. Pacey: Thank you. Rich: Thanks. [Rich sees a woman at the other end of the room] Rich: Ah. Excuse me. Uh, I see someone that I'm going need to pow-wow with. You gonna be ok on your own for a little while? Pacey: [Chuckles] [Rich goes off, and Pacey goes over to the hors devour table and grabs a small one when a strange but very good looking lady comes quickly over to join him] Lady: Ok. Save me. Pacey: I'm sorry? Lady: Ok, there's this 98-year-old man over there that will not stop grabbing my ass. So, you know, just until he stops lurking, just pretend that we're having some sort of a conversation. Pacey: Ok. [Laughs] Hi. Lady: That's it? That's it? That's all I get? "Ok. Hi"? Pacey: Ok. Hi, I'm Pacey Witter. Lady: Oh. Well, so, you're Pacey Witter. Pacey: What, you've heard of me? Lady: Let's just say that your reputation precedes you. Now, I've heard that you are quite the up-and-coming young talent, a real boy wonder. Pacey: And just where did you hear that? Lady: Let's just say that I make it my business to know these things. Pacey: So, then, you work for Stepatech? Lady: Nope. Pacey: So... Lady: it must be a real honor, rich picking you out of everybody to come here tonight? Pacey: I see. You know rich. Well, whatever you do, do not believe a word that man says about me. Lady: So, tell me something, Pacey. You're new at this, right? Pacey: Mm-hmm. Lady: Mm-hmm. Tough business. Lotta sharks. Pacey: Ah, it's not so bad. Lady: Why this? Smart kid like you, you could be in college. I mean, is it the money or Pacey: No. No. Not really. Well, that's a lie. In the beginning it was definitely the money, and then after that, it was the thrill of the hunt, the adrenaline, and now I guess it's some combination of the both. And what about you? What do you do? Lady: Ooh. I guess he's gone. Pacey: Wait, that's it? You're just gonna leave? Lady: Mm-hmm. Pacey: But I don't even know your name. Lady: Well, you're gonna have to try a little harder than that. I'll see ya later, Pacey. [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey is sitting at the end of the bar, reading the short stories of Eddie's. Hetson comes rushing into the bar and immediately goes over to Joey.] Hetson: Where is she? Joey: Who? Hetson: Who? Who, she says. You know damn well who! Joey: Harley? Hetson: Harley, get your butt out here this instant! Joey: Harley isn't here. Hetson: You don't have to cover for her, Joey. The school called. She cut class again. Fourth time this month. Harley? Come on, I know you're hiding. Don't be afraid, just get your ass out here so that I can kick it into oblivion. Joey: You know, I hate to interrupt your extremely effective parenting techniques, but I'm afraid she's really not here. Hetson: Well, where do you think she went? I mean, she--she's probably ok, right? I mean, I mean you--you think she's ok, don't you? Joey: Where is this coming from? Hetson: Look, Joey, I--I admit that I haven't been the most present parent to this point, but sometime-- I don't know, one minute it was all barney and Elmo, and now, well, I'm kinda startin' to realize that my little muffin might just be a juvenile delinquent. Joey: All right. Calm down. She's not a juvenile delinquent. I mean, yeah, she talks a good game, and she may skip school occasionally, but... it's all just a front. Trust me. Hetson: Still doesn't change the fact that she's missing. My little girl is missing. [Harley comes walking up to join them] Harley: Hey, daddy. Hetson: Harley. Where have you been, young lady? Harley: I just had an errand to run... in Worcester. [Eddie comes walking up behind Harley] Eddie: Hey. [Scene: Band's Tour Bus. There are a lot of people in the bus partying, and Audrey is sitting on one of the couches a little out of place.] [Rock music playing] Man: Big gig, huh? Audrey: Yeah. Man: You nervous? Audrey: No. That's a lie. Yeah, actually, tremendously. I don't think I've ever done this sober before. Man: Well, in that case [She looks at the bottle, and nods her head no.] Audrey: I quit. Man: Quit? Audrey: I'm re-assessing my life or something. Man: Bummer. Audrey: Yeah. Man2: Yeah, whatever happened to that girl in Philly? [She finally gives in, and decides to have a drink.] Audrey: You know what? Actually, can I just... have a sip? Man2: Yeah. Sure. Audrey: Thanks. [One of the guys holds out his hand with 3 pills on it.] Man: Want one of these? Audrey: Ok. [She takes one and chugs it down with the bottle of alcohol still in her hand.] Audrey: Ugh. There you go. [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey is trying to keep herself busy working while trying to ignore Eddie, but he is following her all around the bar. ] Eddie: So do you think maybe you could stop ignoring me so we could go somewhere and talk? Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I ignoring you? [Hetson comes walking up to the bar, and stops in front of Joey carrying 2 empty glasses and finishing off a buffalo wing in his hand.] Hetson: My compliments to the chef on the deep-fried buffalo wings. They're excellent tonight. Joey: Shouldn't you be home punishing her? Hetson: I am punishing her. I'm making her sit and have a meal with her father. By the way, we're outta root beer. Joey: Ask the bartender. Hetson: Hey. Thank you for driving her back, but do me a favor. The next time my daughter comes to visit you in the gutter, shut the door, slither off, and stay the hell away from her. [He turns from Eddie and Joey and goes off in search of the bartender.] Eddie: So, that's it? You're just not gonna talk to me? Joey: If you have something to say, go ahead. Eddie: Fine. Look, Joey, I'm--I'm here because I know, and I wanna help you deal with this. I mean, it's my problem, too. Joey: What? Eddie: Look, Harley told me. Ok? I know. Joey: Know what? Eddie: About... about the whole, you know, the whole pregnancy thing. Joey: Oh. You mean the whole fake pregnancy thing she made up in order to lure you here under false pretenses. That whole pregnancy thing. Eddie: So, whoa, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're not-- you mean you're-- you're not pregnant? Joey: No. Eddie: Oh, thank god. Joey: Even if I was, I certainly wouldn't tell Harley. [Joey moves a tray that was sitting on the short stories she was reading earlier.] Eddie: Hey, is this my, uh-- where did you get this? Joey: Just one of the many non-valuables you left behind for someone else to clean up. Eddie: Oh, I see. So I leave you behind, therefore you send your little minion to come after me and trick me back? Joey: But perhaps if you didn't wanna be found, Eddie, maybe you should've covered your tracks a little better. Eddie: Did you-- did you call my house and hang up yesterday? Joey: No. Eddie: Wow, you know, I mean, it makes sense. I mean, you're obviously pissed off by the way things ended between us. Joey: Oh, you see, you know what? That's where you're wrong because things actually really never ended between us, Eddie. You just up and moved to Worcester for no apparent reason without even informing me, which to me, if you ask me, that's not really an ending, now, is it? I don't care. I mean, now that I know you're alive, the mystery's solved. You can go. Eddie: Joey, I left, but did you ever stop to think that maybe I did that for you? Joey: Are you dying, Eddie? Eddie: No. Joey: Were you protecting, uh, government secrets? Were you kidnapped by international jewel thieves? Is that it? Because otherwise, the only person you did that for was yourself. It was a nice, easy out. I get it. You know what, you got it. You're out. Eddie: Do you think it was that easy? It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Joey: Really? Eddie: You know what? Forget it, ok? It doesn't matter. I'm just gonna go. Joey: Fine. Eddie: Fine. Joey: Fine! [Eddie turns and leaves, and Joey grabs her coat and goes outside after him] Joey: So, why, Eddie? Eddie: Why? Because, ok? Joey: Because? Eddie: Because. Because I couldn't even face you. Ok? Because I was ashamed. Joey: Ashamed? Ashamed of what? Eddie: Ashamed of what? Joey, I couldn't even find a job. I couldn't pay rent. They turned my electricity off. I had cockroaches crawling on my arm. Joey: But why would you think that would make a difference to me, Eddie? I mean, I'm poor, too, remember? I'm just like you. Eddie: No, ok? You are not just like me, 'cause you actually have a future. You actually have a life ahead of you. Joey: So do you. Eddie: No! No, don't you see? I mean, that's why I punched Hetson that time, because he was right, and I knew he was right. I mean, why is it that you're the only one who can't see it? Joey, I'm nothing. I'm just a guy with no job, no money in the bank, no prospects, no education, no talents, nothing. Hell, I even got the rejection letter to prove it. Joey: They said you have promise. Eddie: Well, they say that to everyone they reject. Joey: Yeah, but in your case, it's true. Eddie: Look, I appreciate the pep talk and all, I do. But let's face facts. I mean, you and I, we're headed for 2 very different futures. And the truth is, Joey, is... you deserve to be with the best guy in the room, not the one who picks up his trash or buses his table. You're gonna have whatever you want in this life, Joey. Joey: I wanted you. Eddie: No. No, you wanted that guy you met in English class. And I'm not him. I gotta go. [Scene: The Bent Elbow. Emma's Band is up on stage starting up, when Audrey comes stumbling up to the stage and slams down a shot of alcohol before grabbing the mic and begins singing, much poorer than before.] [Audience applauding] Audrey: What is up, bent elbow?! [Begins singing Love Is All Around ] [Scene: The Fancy Party. Pacey is standing with 2 other guys at the party and listening to them rant on.] Man: Well, I got in on the ground floor. Sort of had an instinct about it. Man2: Instinct or luck? Man: I don't believe in luck when it comes to money. Man2: The lucky ones never do. [Pacey looks over and sees the lady he was talking to earlier talking with some other guys, when Rich comes up and gets his attention.] Rich: Come on, we have some business to attend to. Pacey: Do you know her? Rich: Who? Pacey: Her. Rich: Uh, well, from the back of her head, I'd say I have absolutely no idea. Now, perhaps, you'd like to join me in the private office of Roger Stepavitch so we can discuss ways you and I can get closer to becoming millionaires. Pacey: I can do that. Rich: Good. [Scene: The Private Office of Roger Stepavitch. Rich and Pacey take a seat at the couch opposite of Roger, as he sits down in a large leather chair to talk business.] Roger: So, Pacey, rich tells me you have quite a raw talent. Pacey: Well, everything I learned, I learned from Rich. Roger: Well, I appreciate all your hard work. You've helped sell a lot of Stepatech stock for us. Pacey: Only because I believe in your company, sir. Roger: Tell me, Pacey, were you surprised when rich told you that we decided you should take on a more prominent role in the handling of the Stepatech corporate account? Rich: Actually, roger, I hadn't mentioned it to him yet. Roger: Oh. Pacey: And I'm really sorry, gentlemen, but I don't think I follow. What do you mean, a more prominent role? Rich: Uh, it's like a promotion, Pacey. Your title will stay the same, but you will be getting a substantial raise. And from now on, your name will be on all transactions that we handle for Stepatech corporate. Pacey: That's-- that's fantastic. But honestly, do you think I'm ready for something like that? I mean, I just finished those series 7s, and I'm a little green, but other than that, you know, if you think I can do it Roger: Uh, I thought that you said that, um Rich: Actually, I'm a little surprised by your attitude, Pacey. Pacey: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I think I mis-spoke. It's just such a fantastic opportunity for a man as young as myself. It caught me a little flat-footed. But let it never be said that Pacey J. Witter is not all about stepping into the future, which, if I'm correct, is actually the slogan for your fine company. Rich: That'll do. Roger: Excellent. Well, welcome aboard, young man. I predict great things for you in the future. Pacey: Well, thank you, sir. And I hope I can live up to your expectations. Roger: I have no doubt that you will. [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey is cleaning up the table that Harley is sitting at.] Harley: You're mad at me, aren't you? Joey: No. Harley: Yes, you are. I know I messed up. I'm sorry. You were so sad, I just thought I could help. Joey: I know, Harley. It's just that in the future, maybe you could obtain express written consent before you go off willy-nilly telling boys that I'm pregnant. Or on second thought, maybe you could just not do it at all, ok? Harley: I won't. Promise. Joey: Thanks. Harley: So what happened? Joey: He's gone. He just left, and he's given up, and the thing that sucks about it is I read those stories, and they're actually really good, and he's never gonna do anything with them. He's probably just gonna rot away in Worcester for the rest of his life and there's nothing that I can do. Harley: Look. [She points over to her father who is standing at the bar, paying the bill.] Joey: What? Harley: Hello? Joey: No. Harley: Why not? Joey: Because I'm... I'm not asking your dad to read his stories. I mean, he'd never help him, and even if he wanted to, Eddie would never let him. Harley: It's worth a try, isn't it? I mean, if my dad hates them, Eddie never has to know, and if he loves them, maybe he can help him. It's better than him rotting away in Worcester forever. [She goes over to Hetson with the stories, that she has grabbed from behind the bar.] Joey: Professor Hetson, um... I was wondering if you could maybe read these short stories and tell me what you think. Hetson: You are aware that I'm honest to a point some have called brutal? Joey: Yes. Hetson: And that I've crushed more than one would-be Sylvia Plath's literary ambitions into oblivion? You're still willing to take that chance with yours? Joey: They're not really my ambitions. [He looks at the Short stories and sees Eddie's Name.] Hetson: No. Joey: Come on. You just have to read them. I mean, they're really good. They're amazing, actually. Hetson: I don't care. Joey: You're his last chance, professor Hetson. I know that you have connections. If you could just give him some encouragement, at least? Hetson: Look, miss potter, let's get something clear. Not only is your Mr. Doling not a registered student at Worthington, not only did he try to defraud our hallowed university, ok, not only did he kidnap my one and only- Joey: He didn't kidnap her. He gave her a ride home. Hetson: Potato, po-tah-to. The thing is, Joey, I could forgive all that if it were not for one fatal mistake. He punched me in the face. I mean, there could have been scarring, broken bones. We're talking serious disfigurement of one of my most cherished assets, and that is not cool in my book. Come on, Harley. We gotta go. [Hetson turns to leave, and Harley grabs her coat and the stories out of Joey's hands] Harley: Don't worry. I'll work on him. Joey: Don't forget your bag. Harley: Shh. [Scene: Bent Elbow. Audrey is still singing with the band, but is actually getting worse. She is having trouble with the lines of the song, and stumbling around on the stage while singing. The band just look at one another shaking the heads, but continue playing.] [Audrey singing Bad Times and Love Is All Around mixed together] [She jumps into the crowd, and does some crowd surfing. The drugs are getting to her and things are starting to get out of focus. The put her back on the stage and she grabs the mic she dropped] Audrey: aah, whoa! I want to be the lizard king! [She passes out on the stage] Man: Boo! [Audience booing] Woman: She sucks! [Audience booing] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Back stage of the Bent Elbow. Audrey is sitting on a chair leaning against the walk to keep from falling over. Emma comes walking up and hands her a bottle of water.] Emma: Feel better? Audrey: Yeah. Emma: Good. You're out of the band. Audrey: No. Emma, you can't kick me out. You can't. I can do better because I had this moment of clarity on a beach in Malibu and I know that I need to be better, and I can Emma: Don't want to hear it, Audrey. You're out. I'll call you a cab. Go home and sleep it off. [Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey is cleaning up the bar, when Hetson comes storming in and walks over to her.] Hetson: Yes, yes, I am back. Can you believe it? Harley "forgot" her backpack. Joey: Oh, yeah, um, I'll get it for you. It's right behind the bar. Hetson: So your little plan worked. Harley annoyed me into reading a couple of Mr. Doling's stories. [He hands her the stories] Joey: Really? Hetson: Yes. And while I found them to be overall perhaps maybe a little overwrought and derivative, they do show at their core a writer with potential. Joey: Really? You think he has potential? Hetson: Don't make me say it again. Joey: Well, I mean, is there something-- there's gotta be something you can do to help him. I mean, maybe you can show his stories to a publisher. Hetson: He's not ready for that. Joey: Well, maybe you could pull some strings at Worthington. Hetson: No. Joey: Come on, there's gotta be something you can do, anything. Hetson: All right. There is someone I know who teaches at the California writer's workshop. Joey: Are you serious? Do you think you can get him in? Hetson: I think Eddie could get Eddie in with my recommendation. Joey: Well, isn't that place kind of, like, prestigious? Hetson: Kinda, like, uh-huh. Joey: Well, he doesn't even have an undergrad degree. Hetson: Yeah, no, I know. I still think he's got a shot. Let me know what he says. Joey: Oh, yeah, well, you know what, actually, professor Hetson, I think he'd rather hear it from you. Hetson: Joey, the kid punched me. I'll try and get him into this program, but I kinda think that that's enough. Joey: Yeah, but, see, professor Hetson, the thing is, he's kind of... given up, and I don't think he'd listen to me. I really... we're not on the best of terms. Hetson: It's a fascinating saga. Tell you what. It's up to you. You want to try and convince him, tell him I'll write a recommendation, but either way, it's up to you. The ball's in your court, kid. Look, I'm off. I've got Harley chained to a radiator. [Joey looks at him in shock.] Hetson: Kidding, Joey. Get a sense of humor. [Scene: The fancy party. Pacey is getting ready to leave, and is waiting for the valet to bring his car around when the mystery lady from earlier comes walking up from behind him] Lady: So, I guess this is good night. Pacey: You know, I'm never going to be able to call you if you don't tell me your name. Lady: That was a big night for you in there, huh? Pacey: Yeah, I guess it was. Lady: Yeah. So, um, I saw you and rich going into Roger's private office. Pacey: I'm sorry? Lady: Let me guess. You're moving up in the world, maybe he offered you a promotion? A big raise? Pacey: Are you a reporter? Lady: Look, I just think maybe you should ask yourself why this has all been so easy... or if it's just a little too good to be true. Good luck, Pacey. [She gets into the car that the valet has brought around and leaves.] [Scene: Joey and Audrey's Dorm Room. Audrey comes in and throws her coat on the floor and sits on her bed. After a minute or so she gets up and goes over to her dresser and grabs a bottle of alcohol out of her drawer and chugs a significant part of the bottle. After chugging the alcohol she looks at the bottle and then goes into the bathroom and pours out the rest of it into the sink. She goes to put the empty bottle onto the counter but it falls to the floor and smashes. Audrey goes back to her bed and collapses onto it.] [Scene: Outside Eddie's Parents' house. She stops at the walk outside the house and looks from the stories she is carrying to the front door.] Joey: [Gasps] [She goes up and knocks on the door] Eddie: Hey. Joey: Hey. Eddie: What are you doing here? Joey: I thought that you should have this. It doesn't belong in the garbage. [She hands him the stories, and he comes outside and closes the door.] Eddie: Thanks. Joey: Sure. I gave it to Hetson, and, uh, he said he could maybe get you into the California writer's workshop. Eddie: You, uh, gave this to Hetson? Joey: Yeah, that's right. Eddie: What's the point, Joey? I mean, they're not gonna let me in. Even if they did, I can't afford that place. Joey: Maybe there's a scholarship, ok? Or financial aid. The point is to at least try. I mean, this is a shot, Eddie, a real shot. I suggest you take it. Ok, you know what, if you want to be a coward about our relationship and run out on me, that's fine, but don't be a coward about this. I mean, this is your life. Don't give up so easily. I guess I should go. [She turns to leave, but stops and turns back] Joey: You know what? Actually, I'm not gonna go because that's just what you want me to do. Look, a long time ago, you told me that you wanted to be one of those people that took chances, who really lived life, but I guess that was a line, huh? Because as far as I can see, you're just afraid of me, of yourself, of actually living your life. Eddie: You're right. Joey: So now what? What are you gonna do about it? Are you just gonna sit here and rot away in Worcester? Eddie: No. [He kisses her, but she pushes him away.] Joey: Wrong answer. Eddie: I'm just doing what you told me to do. Joey: That's not what I meant. [Sighs] It's too late for that, Eddie. I... I gotta go. Eddie: Wait, Joey, wait. [Sighs] I love you. Please, Joey, don't--don't go. I don't want it to be too late. Joey: I love you, too. Bye. [Scene: Joey's dorm room. Joey comes into the dorm room, and sees Audrey passes out in bed, and she takes off her scarf. She sees Audrey's coat on the floor, bends down to pick it up, and looks into the bathroom and sees the smashed bottle of alcohol on the floor and turns quickly and runs over and tries to shake Audrey awake.] Joey: Audrey. Audrey. Audrey, wake up. Audrey! Audrey. [Audrey doesn't wake up and she quickly runs over and picks up the phone and dials 911.]	Plan: A: Joey; Q: Who follows Eddie to his family home? A: their true emotions; Q: What do Joey and Eddie face up to at Eddie's family home? A: the obstacles; Q: What do Eddie and Joey face up to in order to be together? A: Boston; Q: Where is Pacey invited to an exclusive party? A: an exclusive party; Q: Where is Pacey invited to receive a promotion? A: a special project; Q: What is Pacey recruited to be a part of? A: Los Angeles; Q: Where did Audrey return from? A: her chances; Q: What does Audrey blow by getting drunk just before taking the stage? Summary: Joey follows Eddie to his family home where they face up to their true emotions and the obstacles they must overcome to be together. Back in Boston, Pacey is invited to an exclusive party where he receives a promotion and is recruited to be part of a special project but is tipped off that the project maybe not be ethical. Audrey returns from Los Angeles and is welcomed back into the band, but blows her chances by getting drunk just before taking the stage.
MUSIC IN: EXT. STREET - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) (SFX: YOON SPEAKS TO HER BABY IN KOREAN) GINA: What an adorable child, Yoon! She's like a little doll. How come I have never met this little munchkin before? YOON: She usually stays with the sitter while we go shopping... (SFX: GINA COUGHS) GINA: She's such a cutie! YOON: We're running a little late today, so if you'll excuse us. GINA: Here, let me help you, dear. YOON: Oh, thank you. GINA: Sure. I doubt they'll hear us. They've been playing that Chinese stuff all morning.(KNOCK ON DOOR) YOON: Actually, it's Korean. GINA: Oh right, sorry. You know, Sun usually leaves her back door open. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KITCHEN - DAY (SFX: MUSIC B.G.) (SFX: TEA KETTLE WHISTLES) GINA: My aunt burned down her house like this. You really should be more careful. (SFX: MUSIC OUT) GINA: Oh, now that's better. I'm not usually one to complain... (SFX: YOON GASPS) (SFX: GINA SCREAMS) (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: I don't understand, McGee. Sensitivity training? MCGEE: Yeah, it's a seminar covering the basics of communication and understanding in the workplace. ZIVA: I know what sensitivity is. I'm asking why we have to spend the whole afternoon studying it. MCGEE: Professional development? ZIVA: If it were survival training, advanced demolitions, perhaps-- MCGEE: I don't think that Sympathetic Seminars, Inc. offers those classes. ZIVA: I'm simply saying that skilled investigators should already be well-versed in the subtleties of inter-human communication. TONY: I like Italian women. You're Italian, right? I like Irish women, too. ZIVA: I stand corrected. TONY: You two better hurry up, don't want to miss out on all of the fun. ZIVA: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Where are you going? TONY: Prior engagement. Take notes for me. MCGEE: You do understand the meaning of the word mandatory, don't you? TONY: I have been ordered to inspect the secure file room, Probie. Sadly, that conflicts with your exciting seminar today. ZIVA: No, it doesn't. This order is for next Wednesday. TONY: What? ZIVA: Look on the bright side, Tony. MCGEE: It should only take about five to seven hours. TONY: There's got to be some way out of this. Maybe I could injure myself. Ow! ZIVA: What? I was only trying to help. TONY: I was only kidding. GIBBS: Sensitivity training is going to have to wait. We got a double homicide at Quantico. Marine wives. Grab your gear. TONY: (IN PAIN) Yeow! ZIVA: Inappropriate? MCGEE: A bit. TONY: That, and you're probably the reason we have to take these stupid classes. GIBBS: Today! TONY: On your six, Boss! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY TONY: You know, this kind of reminds me of my cousin's house... minus all the blood. Unless you count that Thanksgiving back in ninety eight. DUCKY: Family does have a way of fraying one's nerves. Take my mother, for instance. She insists on watching Jeopardy every night on the television. TONY: What's wrong with that, Duck? DUCKY: The same episode. Over and over again. I made the mistake of taping it for her once. JIMMY: I always say, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family. DUCKY: There's a touch of the poet in you, Mister Palmer. TONY: I'd say you're just more touched. GIBBS: DiNozzo. TONY: House belongs to a Sergeant Malcolm Porter and his wife, Sun, Boss. She's the one on the left. Sergeant's still on liberty, trying to track him down. The other vic is Min Crane. She's married to a Sergeant Floyd Crane, currently deployed in Iraq. (ZIVA MOVES THE PICTURE ON THE WALL) GIBBS: Sign of an unhappy marriage. ZIVA: Funny. I thought it looked like a hole in the wall. GIBBS: It's about fist-sized. Husband probably hit the wall instead of hitting his wife. What else do you see? ZIVA: Well, judging by the position of the body I'd say they were taken by surprise. GIBBS: Yeah? Why? ZIVA: Body posture. They're too relaxed. They didn't fight back. Of course, that could also mean they knew the identity of their attacker. GIBBS: Search the rest of the house. TONY: Our little girl's becoming quite the crime scene investigator, isn't she, Boss? I'll help McGee talk to the women who found them. GIBBS: You got a T.O.D. yet, Duck? DUCKY: Very recent. Both liver probes indicate about two and a half hours ago. GIBBS: Triple tap, all in the heart. DUCKY: Yeah, but notice these burn marks around the entry wounds here...and on this one. In both of those the weapon was in direct contact with the body when fired. GIBBS: Two from across the room, then one each up close, just to be sure. DUCKY: I don't believe the term overkill would be inappropriate under these circumstances. GIBBS: The bullets didn't penetrate. DUCKY: Maybe they're a small caliber. Did you find any casings? GIBBS: Ah, the shooter policed his brass, Duck. JIMMY: Policed, Sir? DUCKY: Yes, it's military terminology for cleaning up after one's self. We may be dealing with a professional. JIMMY: Professional what? DUCKY: Killer, Mister Palmer. These poor women weren't so much murdered... as executed. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KITCHEN - DAY YOON: She just needs her bottle. I know I packed it.(SFX: BABY CRIES B.G.) MCGEE: Look, look. Your mom's right there. She's right there. GIBBS: Did you ever hold a baby before, McGee? (SFX: BABY CONTINUES CRYING) MCGEE: No. GIBBS: I didn't think so. Shh... MCGEE: Uh, Boss, this is Mrs. Dawson. She found the bodies along with one of the next-door neighbors. YOON: We were going into Koreatown... shopping. I'm the only one with a car. Sun asked me to come pick them up. If we'd been on time... GIBBS: Need some help? Any idea where Sun's husband is, Mrs. Dawson? YOON: No, he's never here when we come over. I don't think he liked Sun having friends. MCGEE: What makes you think that? YOON: He's very... controlling. GIBBS: Sergeant Porter abused her? YOON: Sun wouldn't admit it. But we suspected. He drinks. Says mean things to her. Wouldn't let her speak Korean in the house. We tried to reason with her but... GIBBS: She wouldn't leave him? YOON: She was ashamed. It's hard for a Korean woman to ask for help. GIBBS: Find Porter. DAWSON: I'd start at the "E" Club. (DAWSON ENTERS CLUB) YOON: James. DAWSON: I'm Yoon's husband. Listen, if you don't find Porter there, you might want to try some of the bars outside the front gate. MCGEE: I'm on it, Boss. DAWSON: Everything's going to be okay now. ZIVA: Gibbs. A word, please? Gun safe. I found it in the master bedroom. Open and empty except for a handful of shells. Forty caliber. I'm thinking maybe the husband did this, yes? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - DAY GINA: I guess the polite term, Agent DiNozzo, would be bstrd. He was always borrowing my husband's tools and never returning them. I should have known something like this would happen. TONY: Stealing tools isn't really a prerequisite for murder, Mrs. Goodwin. GINA: All I'm saying is the two of them had one hell of a marriage. You wouldn't know it to look at her, but Sun's got a set of lungs, or at least she did. TONY: So they fought a lot? GINA: Oh, hardly a night went by you didn't hear all sorts of screaming coming from this house. (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) TONY: Did you ever think to make a complaint? GINA: I don't like to stick my nose in. Good thing, too. It could have been me that got slaughtered. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) On our way, McGee. (TO TONY) Sergeant Porter was spotted thirty minutes ago at the "E" Club. McGee's almost there. TONY: Thanks. (TO GIBBS) Probie's not going to make a move on his own, is he, Boss? GIBBS: McGee can take care of himself, DiNozzo. TONY: You're .... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BAR - DAY MCGEE: He's gone. TONY: Nice job, Probie. MCGEE: The bartender says he turned around, Sergeant Porter wasn't there anymore. TONY: You let him get past you? MCGEE: It was before I got here, Tony. GIBBS: What's Sergeant Porter driving? (LOUDER) What kind of car does he drive!? ALL: A black two thousand Ford F-One Fifty, Boss. GIBBS: Hey, come on.(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ALL MOVE TO PARKED TRUCK) MCGEE: Boss, we got a weapon in the front seat. TONY: I think he's dead, Boss. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY TONY: (SHOUTS) NCIS! Don't move! GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Get your hands on the wheel! PORTER: I wasn't going to drive! Come on, it's not DUI if I don't have a key in the ignition. Look! ZIVA: What's he talking about? GIBBS: I think he thinks we're busting him for driving drunk. PORTER: Oh, you're not? TONY: No. It's for double homicide. GIBBS: McGee? PORTER: Wait a minute. MCGEE: Yeah. PORTER: What are you talking about? TONY: I knew he was alive. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Precision, Mister Palmer. It's what separates the professional from the dilettante. JIMMY: Thank you, Doctor. DUCKY: Now careful. Not too much pressure, but not too little either. All right, come on, come on, come on. Let's see. Yes, very good. Not bad. Not bad at all. Keep a steady hand. There's no room for error. You never know which element of the enigma, however minuscule, can lead you to the solution. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: Palmer just got some of your elements on his plastic thing. DUCKY: An occupational hazard, I'm afraid. GIBBS: What can you tell me, Duck? DUCKY: Both women were shot three times in the chest. It's hard to say which of the six was the fatal wound. Suffice to say, neither woman died of old age. GIBBS: Anything else? GIBBS: Yes. Mrs. Porter has some swelling and fissures on her fingers and knuckles. GIBBS: Defensive wounds. DUCKY: Possibly. Yes, but these didn't happen today. There are also bruises on her wrists. I'd say they were at least a week old. GIBBS: She was abused? DUCKY: Yeah. GIBBS: Thanks, Duck. DUCKY: You have the man in custody now? GIBBS: Yeah. DUCKY: There's no need to be gentle with him, Jethro. GIBBS: You missed a spot. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: We're looking at a Beretta Cougar Eighty-Forty, Gibbs. It was registered to Sergeant Porter in Two thousand three and it's got his fingerprints all over it. GIBBS: Bullets? ABBY: Um... cross-point forty caliber Smith and Wesson. Also called a "Short and Wimpy" although I do not know why. GIBBS: They lack the power of the ten millimeter auto-load. ABBY: Yeah, I guess you don't need all that stopping power when you're gunning down housewives. GIBBS: What about gunshot residue? ABBY: The Instant Shooter Kit came back negative on Porter's skin, shirt, and pants. GIBBS: He could've worn gloves, though. ABBY: Or he could have changed his clothes. I'm way ahead of you, Gibbs. That's why I'm doing a full analysis on all of Porter's wardrobe. (AS GIBBS) How long, Abby? (AS ABBY) Well, it's going to take some time. And since this stuff doesn't smell very good, I don't think that laundering was a big priority. (AS GIBBS) Abs! (AS ABBY) Um, two hours. Whenever I know something, you'll know something. (AS GIBBS) You've got one. Anything else? (AS ABBY) Yes, as a matter of fact. This is for you! GIBBS: Why? ABBY: ABBY: For getting me out of sensitivity training. We were about to do trust falls and those guys in administration have wandering hands. (AS GIBBS) Just give me their names, Abs, and I'll break them for you! (CONT. AS ABBY) I know you will, Gibbs, and that is why I love you. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY (SFX: MCGEE BUMPS INTO GIBBS) MCGEE: Oh! Uh, Boss, I'm sorry. I didn't see you. GIBBS: What did I say about apologizing, McGee? MCGEE: It's a sign of weakness. GIBBS: So is barfing on your tie. MCGEE: Uh, this isn't mine. Um... we've got Sergeant Porter in interrogation. I actually managed to dodge most of it. The good news is that he is sober enough to talk now. I got some on you here (WIPES GIBBS' TIE) Let me do this. GIBBS: Don't ! MCGEE: Sorry. I mean, it won't happen again. GIBBS: Who's watching him? MCGEE: Uh, Tony and Ziva, I was just going to go change my shirt. GIBBS: No, you won't. You're going to follow up on the good leads. MCGEE: We found Sergeant Porter with the murder weapon. What other leads? GIBBS: A good investigator doesn't sit back and wait. You run down every angle, every lead. Assume everything you've been told is a lie until it checks out. MCGEE: Got it. GIBBS: There's only one time I want you to stop, McGee. MCGEE: When you tell me. GIBBS: When you're satisfied. When you're satisfied! MCGEE: Okay. GIBBS: Hey! MCGEE: Yeah? GIBBS: Get me another cup of coffee! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. OBSERVATION ROOM- DAY TONY: This is going to be good. Gibbs will rip this guy apart. ZIVA: I don't know if that's the right tactic in this case, Tony. TONY: What? Are you an expert on suspect interviews now? ZIVA: Interviews, no. Interrogation techniques, yes. TONY: Hm. Like hooking a car battery up to a guy's privates? I'm sure it's effective, but judges tend to frown on it. ZIVA: I've learned from Gibbs that in certain cases you can attract far more bees with honey... TONY: Flies. ZIVA: What do flies have to do with honey? TONY: Flies... don't like vinegar. ZIVA: Vinegar? TONY: It's complicated. Here he comes. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: Here you go. There. You look like you could use it. PORTER: My wife's really dead, Sir? How? GIBBS: Drink your coffee, Sergeant. When you're ready we'll work our way up to it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM TONY: What's he doing? Where's his strong-arming? The intimidation? The psychological bullying? The Gibbs? GIBBS: (V.O.) Bad marriage, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: It's okay. I've had a few myself. PORTER: It wasn't perfect, but I loved her, Sir. The problem was, I don't think uh... I don't think she ever loved me. GIBBS: I'll bet she loved that paycheck, though, right? PORTER: Yeah. I should have known. 'Cause look at me. She was way out of my league, you know. She just married me to get to the States. GIBBS: It happens. PORTER: The thing is, I guess I always thought she might change her mind, you know? But then she started sneaking off to the "O" Club, hanging out with Officers. GIBBS: I've seen it before. She thought she could trade up. PORTER: She didn't want me. No matter what I did. It just got to the point, I just wanted her to disappear. GIBBS: Yeah, when you get pushed, you want to push back. That why you decided to blow her away? PORTER: Excuse me, Sir? GIBBS: Is that the reason you shot Min Crane and your wife to death today? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM TONY: Okay, here we go. ZIVA: He hasn't confessed yet. TONY: He will. ZIVA: Maybe. TONY: How much do you want to bet? ZIVA: How about nothing? TONY: Twenty bucks? ZIVA: Deal. PORTER: (FILTERED) I'm telling you... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM PORTER: I didn't kill them, Sir. GIBBS: The murder weapon was in your truck, Sergeant. PORTER: Someone must have... someone must have put it there. GIBBS: Your fingerprints are all over it. PORTER: I didn't shoot my wife, Sir! GIBBS: Did you use your fists on her, Sergeant? Knock her around a little bit or maybe ... maybe that just wasn't cutting it anymore. PORTER: I never laid a hand on Sun. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM GIBBS: (V.O.) A neighbor heard the fights, Sergeant. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: I saw the hole you punched in your wall. PORTER: I only punched the hole in the wall so I wouldn't hit her, Sir! GIBBS: Her hands were all bruised and cuffed from where she fought you off all the time. PORTER: That's not how it happened. GIBBS: Really? Then how did I get wrong, Sergeant?! How did it happen? PORTER: She was - she was the one who was abusing me. You don't believe me? Take a look at this. GIBBS: Sit down. PORTER: Sun was violent, Sir. She hit me. She called me names. She threw things. I tried to hold her off, but I never ... I never once laid a hand on her. I just wanted it to stop. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM TONY: Pay up. ZIVA: He didn't confess. TONY: It was damn close. GIBBS: Close doesn't cut it, DiNozzo. TONY: Well, we got enough evidence even if you didn't break him in interrogation, Boss. Not to say that you couldn't have broken him if you wanted to. I really like that shirt. ZIVA: Tony's right. You have Sergeant Porter's gun with his fingerprints in his car. TONY: He blows away his wife and her friend in a fit of rage. Gets drunk. Passes out before he can commit suicide. GIBBS: Why did he police his brass? ZIVA: Habit of a well-trained Marine. GIBBS: He worked the motor pool. According to his records, he failed to qualify twice in the pistol range last year. Abby get the results of the GSR tests on his clothing yet? TONY: All negative, Boss. ZIVA: He could have worn gloves or gotten rid of the clothes he was wearing. GIBBS: But he leaves his pistol in full view on the front seat. MCGEE: Boss, I think I've got something here. I just spoke with the Director at Quantico Officer's Club. Apparently Sun Porter was a regular fixture there. Almost always with Min Crane. A month ago, they were all banned. GIBBS: For what, McGee? MCGEE: One of their husbands showed up. Made a scene. Had to be carried out. TONY: Another nail in Sergeant Porter's coffin. MCGEE: It wasn't Sergeant Porter, Tony. It was Sergeant James Dawson. Yoon's husband. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY DAWSON: Heard you guys got Sergeant Porter at the "E" Club with the murder weapon. I knew they were having troubles, but never expected something like this. GIBBS: Where's your wife, Sergeant Dawson? DAWSON: She's taking a nap with our daughter. Why? Is something wrong, Sir? GIBBS: What happened at the Officer's Club last month? TONY: Let me refresh your memory. You had an altercation with two Marine Captains. DAWSON: Yeah. It was nothing. It was just a misunderstanding. GIBBS: Big enough for a Letter of Reprimand in your SRB. ZIVA: Maybe we should ask your wife about it, Sergeant? DAWSON: She's had a really rough day. I'd rather not disturb her. ZIVA: That the bedroom down the hall? DAWSON: Yeah, it is but I'd rather not disturb her. TONY: We're just going to make sure she's still breathing. DAWSON: What? You think I'd kill Sun and Min because they had a couple of drinks with my wife at the "O" Club? (KNOCK ON DOOR) ZIVA: Mrs. Dawson, NCIS! Can we ask you a few questions?(SFX: BABY CRIES B.G.) DAWSON: Yoon. It's me. Please. Yoon, open up. GIBBS: Do you have a key? DAWSON: It's locked from the inside. Yoon! Yoon!(SFX: BABY SCREAMS) (SFX: DOOR BURSTS OPEN) DAWSON: (V.O.) It's okay. It's okay. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY DAWSON: It doesn't make sense, Sir. Someone kills my wife's two best friends, then they decide to kidnap her? GIBBS: When's the last time you saw her, Sergeant? DAWSON: About an hour before you showed up. She was putting the baby to sleep in our room. GIBBS: You didn't hear anything? DAWSON: No. And can we stop standing around and do something? GIBBS: We are. We are. Sit down. DAWSON: And what exactly is that, Sir? GIBBS: Figuring out if you're a suspect or a victim. ZIVA: The window was broken from the outside. Whoever did this slipped in, grabbed her and slipped out. TONY: None of the neighbors heard or saw anything unusual, Boss. MPs are searching the area. They're also checking every vehicle leaving the base. DAWSON: You think she still might be on base? GIBBS: That's possible. DAWSON: Well, then we need to be out there looking for her. GIBBS: If she's still on base we'll find her. ZIVA: Someone put a lot of effort into taking her away from your home without alerting you, Sergeant. There's a good chance she's not dead yet. DAWSON: Yet? Oh, god, why would someone do this? GIBBS: Maybe for the same reason someone killed her friends. DAWSON: You think I had something to do with this? GIBBS: Sit down. What happened at the officer's club, Sergeant? DAWSON: It was nothing, okay? Sun and Min go there all the time. Yoon just drops them off. This one time she went in and had a couple of drinks. She couldn't drive home so she called me. (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Boss.... TONY: At which point did you get into a verbal altercation with the two Marine Captains? DAWSON: They were drunk, okay? They were hitting on my wife. They tried to stop me from taking her home. What would you do, Sir? You think one of these Captains might have had something to do with this? Look, we're wasting our time! I'm telling you, I had nothing to do with this! GIBBS: I know that. Your alibi just checked out. The Sergeant was on duty at the time of the shootings.(SFX: BABY CRIES B.G.) DAWSON: So what now, Sir? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Three Korean women met and married Marines in Seoul at roughly the same time. Two of them are dead. Our prime suspect was locked up here when the third went missing. Think it's a racial thing? MCGEE: No. Definitely do not think that it's a hate crime. In my experience there's only one color in the Marines. ZIVA: From what I've seen of your Marine Corps it's very ethnically diverse. TONY: He means green, Ziva, and I think he's right. MCGEE: Well maybe it's a... maybe it's a Korean thing. Maybe something in their past. TONY: Like some kind of blood feud. Competing villages, ancient oaths, revenge from across the ocean. ZIVA: This is not one of your stupid action movies, Tony. TONY: No it isn't. If it was you'd be dressed differently. ZIVA: And you'd be far better looking. (McKEE LAUGHS) TONY: You'd be dead by the opening credits. (ZIVA LAUGHS) MCGEE: Did you ever stop to think that maybe I am the plucky comic relief? GIBBS: You find out what the hell happened to Yoon Dawson yet? (TO MCGEE) Plucky? MCGEE: Uh... well, Ziva and Tony and I ... TONY: We're just working on that, Boss. ZIVA: We're going through a list of anyone suspicious who had access to the base in the last two days. So far no solid leads. GIBBS: What about the Marine Captain Sergeant Dawson fought with? TONY: Both transferred out of Quantico last month. One is at Camp Pendleton, the other is in Okinawa. ZIVA: The two dead women lived insular lives. They spent most of their time together or with other Koreans. Yoon Dawson seems to be the only one who embraced American life. MCGEE: Any reason to believe that Sergeant Porter is still involved in this? TONY: He could have had an accomplice, Probie. GIBBS: He could have had three, DiNozzo! We need more information! MCGEE: Actually, Boss, Abby and I - we have been working on something. We gathered the women's phone records, credit card receipts, address books. Abby is cross-referencing to see if there's a pattern. GIBBS: DiNozzo, I want to know about anybody in the area who has made threats against Koreans, foreign Marine wives, or women. TONY: Oh, is that all? On it, Boss! GIBBS: Find out about their lives before they married Marines. Come on, you're with me, Elf Lord. MUSICAL DISSOLVE TO: INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: It's amazing how much you can find out about someone without actually meeting them. For instance, me and these three women have absolutely nothing in common. They web-browse for cake recipes, gardening tips, and Min Crane has some weird obsession with stained glass. That's not even mentioning their music downloads. One word... Yanni. Good point. Who cares. Their schedules were pretty regulated. On Wednesdays and Fridays they trekked to Koreatown. They would shop for a couple of hours and then they'd have tea at Lee's Neighborhood Market. They alternated paying. It was Sun Porter's turn, by the way. MCGEE: Yeah, not exactly ground-breaking police work there. GIBBS: She's not done yet, McGee. ABBY: ABBY: Thank you, Gibbs. (CONT.) Within the last month, all three of them received regular phone calls from a pay phone located just outside Lee's Neighborhood Market. It is owned and operated by Lee Sung. He sells Korean delicacies, fruits and vegetables, and those cute little anime figurines with the funny faces. MCGEE: Oh, I love those! ABBY: Um... he also has a catering business - Lee's Delights. It's authentic Korean food. Very high end. All three women have worked for him as hostesses. And they were scheduled to work an event for him tomorrow afternoon. MCGEE: How do you know? ABBY: Because Lee's Sung emailed them the instructions. It's a Korean diplomatic event at the Pacific Rim Society. GIBBS: Tell me I didn't just smack McGee for no good reason. ABBY: You didn't smack McGee for no good reason. Last night, Yoon Dawson used her cell phone to call the pay phone outside Lee's Market. Two hours later? Bam! She's missing. Why is this important? Because someone is still using her cell phone to call that pay phone. MCGEE: Can we get a fix on the phone? ABBY: Negatory, McGee. I know it's somewhere in Annandale, Virginia, but they turn it off before I can get an exact location. The last phone call was an hour ago. GIBBS: McGee, I want a tap on that damn pay phone. Abby, I want to know who answers it. MCGEE: That's good work, Abs. (ABBY HITS MCGEE) MCGEE: Ow! What was that for? ABBY: For mocking my ground-breaking police work. MCGEE: I was not mocking you - it won't happen again. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY TONY: (V.O.) Damn, I can't believe this. ZIVA: I don't really like waiting here either, Tony. TONY: No, Nick and Jessica broke up. I'm always the last to know. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey, DiNozzo! (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO RADIO) Shut up. (SCENE CUT) TONY: Shutting up, Boss. (PHONE RINGS) TONY: Hey Probie, are you getting this? (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: Yeah, got it, Tony. (SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.) MCGEE: It's Yoon Dawson's cell phone again, Boss. GIBBS: I want a location, McGee. MCGEE: Whoever it is, they disabled the onboard GPS chip. (V.O.) So we're going to have to do this the old fashioned way. (ON CAMERA) Just take a moment to get a bead on the cell phone grid it's interfacing with. (SCENE CUT) TONY: We've got someone headed (V.O./FILTERED) to the phone, Boss. (SCENE CUT) LEE: (INTO PHONE IN KOREAN) Hello? Hello? (SCENE CUT) TONY: You want us to take him down now? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Negative. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Wait 'till we trace the call. LEE: (V.O./FILTERED IN KOREAN) Is someone there? Can you hear me? MCGEE: Okay, I've got the cell phone grid located. It's coming from this neighborhood. Somewhere on this street. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) You copy that, DiNozzo? TONY: Well, we're scanning for targets now. There are a lot of possibles. (SCENE CUT) LEE: (INTO PHONE) If you don't respond I'm going to hang up! YOON: (V.O./FILTERED) Don't. I have information for you. (SCENE CUT) ZIVA: Wool cap, head down, heading towards the pay phone. TONY: Got him. (SCENE CUT) LEE: (INTO PHONE IN KOREAN) Who is this!? Who is this? YOON: (INTO PHONE IN KOREAN) Turn around. ZIVA: (SHOUTS) Drop your weapon! (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: GUNSHOT) TONY: Federal agents! Move! (INTO RADIO) It's Yoon Dawson, Boss. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) She's rabitting. GIBBS: (INTO RADIO) We're cutting her off, DiNozzo.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (MUSIC OVER ACTION) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ALLEY - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) MCGEE: I know she didn't pass us!(SFX: DOORS OPEN) TONY: Where well the hell did she go? It's like she disappeared. ZIVA: She didn't disappear. It's her hat. She climbed her way out. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. MARKET - NIGHT LEE: If I am here I answer the pay phone, Agent McGee. Many people in this community are poor. Can't afford phone service, so I take messages for them. You see, it helps them and it is good for my business when they come to pick up. MCGEE: Boss, did you find her? GIBBS: Yeah, McGee. She's hiding in my coffee cup. MCGEE: Uh... we didn't find her. (TO LEE) Just give us one second, please. GIBBS: Has he calmed down yet? MCGEE: Well, he's a little shaky but I think he's ready to talk. LEE: Min and Sun, they are dead? It's my fault. I take responsibility. I try to help people new to this country, find jobs for them, get them training, classes. Sometimes even loan money. GIBBS: You hired all three of them to work for your catering company? LEE: I did. I would notice when Yoon was tired, her accent would change. Sometimes she would use words not common in my country since the war. GIBBS: Yoon-Sook Dawson wasn't South Korean. LEE: I began to believe that she was from the North. (LEE EXCLAIMS IN KOREAN) LEE: Perhaps a spy? MCGEE: Why didn't you go to the police? LEE: Well, I couldn't be sure. What if I was wrong? I asked Min and Sun to find out where she grew up, what schools she go to. Then I check her answers. Try to locate relatives from Korea. Nothing. GIBBS: Who else knew you were checking up on her? LEE: Just Min Crane, Sun Porter, and myself. MCGEE: She was trying to protect her cover? GIBBS: She failed. We're taking you into protective custody, Mister Sung. LEE: No. I will not hide. MCGEE: Mister Sung, she... she could come back. LEE: Let her. I am ready this time. I won't stop living my life because of people like her. MCGEE: Sir, I really don't think there is a-- GIBBS: Mister Sung, thank you for your help. If you think of anything else, give me a call. LEE: Yes, I will. And please thank your agents for me. MCGEE: Boss, you're not really going to let him just ... GIBBS: McGee, you know the FBI does not exist only to piss me off. Sometimes they can actually be useful. (INTO PHONE) Hey, Fornell, I've got one right up your jurisdiction. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Like my father always said, be careful who you marry, Anthony. She may end up being a homicidal maniac. MCGEE: Your father actually said that to you? TONY: No, but I'm pretty sure he thought it. ZIVA: Probably he knew your taste in women. TONY: Abby's got active taps on Sergeant Dawson's cell, home and work phones, Boss. If she calls her husband again we'll know it. ZIVA: She won't. MCGEE: The FBI team shadowing Mister Sung is tied directly into MTAC. They're last report had him loading up a catering truck for a job. No sign of Yoon Dawson yet. ZIVA: It's highly doubtful she'll make another attempt on his life. TONY: We've got four agents providing surveillance on Dawson's house. ZIVA: She definitely won't be returning home. TONY: And how do you know this, Officer David? GIBBS: Because Yoon Dawson wouldn't. Now tell us what you would do. ZIVA: If I was Yoon, everything I've done up to this point was to protect my cover. I've dealt with the two possible threats on base, and... TONY: If by dealt you mean gunning down two defenseless housewives? ZIVA: And I attempted to deal with the third, but my cover was blown. I'm now only left with a few possibilities. GIBBS: You rush back to your country? ZIVA: Or carry out whatever mission I was assigned before I'm captured or killed. MCGEE: But she's been in the states for three years. If you had a mission, wouldn't you have carried it out by now? ZIVA: Not if I'm a sleeper, McGee. GIBBS: She could be here for decades before being activated. TONY: So tell us, Jane Bond, how do we track you down, huh? ZIVA: You don't, Tony. By now I've changed my appearance, I've replaced my identity with back-up documents and I've relocated. TONY: Promise? Okay, so that about wraps it up. Who's up for lunch? You might want to think about this, Boss, because I'm going to pay. GIBBS: No one's eating until we find Yoon Dawson. ZIVA: Gibbs, not that Tony couldn't stand to lose a little weight, but we'll all starve to death before that happened. She's playing it like I would. She's gone. GIBBS: There's one big difference between the two of you, Ziva. You don't have a baby girl. ZIVA: Most likely part of her cover or an occupational accident. GIBBS: It's more than that. ZIVA: How can you tell? GIBBS: My gut. Come on. You're with me. Let's go. TONY: Hey, Probie. Let me ask you a question. You don't think she was serious about the whole losing a few pounds thing, do you? MCGEE: Are you going to hit me if I tell you the truth? TONY: No, man. We're buds. MCGEE: Yeah. (TONY NITS MCGEE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY (SFX: BABY CRIES B.G.) DAWSON: My wife is not a spy, Sir. GIBBS: Her South Korean passport's a forgery. DAWSON: It's not possible, okay? Yoon loves this country. She knows more about it than I do. GIBBS: She was trained to. It's called a "honey trap." ZIVA: Her assignment was to meet an eligible serviceman, seduce him, and gain access into this country. DAWSON: Oh, yeah? Then why was she trying to convince me to leave the Marine Corps and go back to college? ZIVA: Most likely you were not part of the assignment. You were just a means to an end. DAWSON: Listen! Okay, I've lived with her for five years. She's the mother of my child, for God's sake! I'm telling you, there's no way. What's this? ZIVA: Your wife. DAWSON: No, that can't be real. GIBBS: It's real. DAWSON: Min Crane and Sun Porter? She killed them? Oh, my god. GIBBS: Has she tried to contact you? DAWSON: No. GIBBS: She's a foreign agent, Marine. You lie about this, it's treason. DAWSON: She hasn't. She hasn't tried to contact me, Sir. GIBBS: Okay, we think she might. ZIVA: If she does and you confront her, she will most likely kill you. DAWSON: I just... I just can't believe this. (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: Go ahead. DAWSON: (INTO PHONE) Hello? YOON: (V.O./FILTERED) It's me James.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) DAWSON: (INTO PHONE) Yoon, what the hell is going on? NCIS is here and they're telling me all sorts of things! YOON: (V.O./FILTERED) Don't speak. (SCENE CUT) YOON: (INTO PHONE) Just listen to me, okay? (SCENE CUT) DAWSON: (INTO PHONE) You need to come home now! (SCENE CUT) YOON: (INTO PHONE) It's too late for that. I've done things... terrible things. DAWSON: (V.O./FILTERED) I don't care, all right? (SCENE CUT) DAWSON: (INTO PHONE) Just tell me where you are and I'll come and get you. YOON: (V.O./FILTERED) There's one more thing that I need to do. (SCENE CUT) YOON: (INTO PHONE) I don't have a choice. I never had a choice. DAWSON: (V.O./FILTERED) Just tell me why. (SCENE CUT) DAWSON: (INTO PHONE) Please, sweetheart. YOON: (V.O./FILTERED) No matter what they say... (SCENE CUT) YOON: (INTO PHONE) What they tell you about me... know that I loved you with all my heart. That it was for real. And tell Rebecca... tell her Mommy is sorry for this. All of this. (SCENE CUT) DAWSON: (INTO PHONE) This is insane. Yoon, you can't do this! YOON: (V.O./FILTERED) I love you both so much, more than you can imagine. But... (SCENE CUT) YOON: (INTO PHONE) ... I can't let it happen. DAWSON: (V.O./FILTERED) Don't! Don't! Don't! Yoon, don't hang up! (YOON HANGS UP THE PHONE) (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: I got her, Tony. She's at a pay phone in Annandale, Virginia. The corner of Raven Road and Lancaster Drive. TONY: Way to go, Abs. ABBY: It's kind of a weird place to be hiding out. There's nothing there except country clubs. TONY: Lee Sung's catering job? ABBY: The Pacific Rim Society. It's in Annandale! Either that's a coincidence or she really, really wants to kill this guy. TONY AND ABBY: (IN UNISON) I don't believe in coincidence. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. COUNTRY CLUB - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: YOON TAPS ON THE WINDOW) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. COUNTRY CLUB KITCHEN - DAY LEE: (IN KOREAN) Take these inside. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SERVICE ENTRANCE - DAY YOON: (IN KOREAN) Where is it? LEE: (IN KOREAN) No, Yoon. Don't shoot! Don't shoot, Yoon! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY (MUSIC OVER CAR ACTION SCENES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STORAGE AREA - DAY YOON: Where is it, Lee Sung? LEE: Have you no honor left, woman?! YOON: More than you. Scream and I kill you. (SFX: MUFFLED GUNSHOT) (SFX: LEE GASPS) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - DAY TONY: (INTO PHONE) I found out why the FBI isn't responding, Boss. She's definitely here. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Keep looking, DiNozzo. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I'm right behind you. (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STORAGE AREA - DAY YOON: I will kill you if you don't answer this time. Where? LEE: In the truck. (SFX: DOORS BURST OPEN) GIBBS: Drop the weapon. YOON: There's a bomb set to go off in this building. If you kill me now, we all die. GIBBS: Put your weapon down. YOON: I was a North Korean operative. GIBBS: We kind of figured that part out on our own. YOON: The part that you don't know is that my cell included Sun Porter, Min Crane, and this man. LEE: She's lying! YOON: I swear on the life of my daughter that I'm trying to prevent this attack. ZIVA: And I swear if you don't release your weapon, I will kill you. YOON: The bomb is in his truck. Please, we may only have minutes left. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SERVICE ENTRANCE - DAY (SFX: DOOR SLIDES OPEN) YOON: Now do you believe me? ZIVA: Can you disarm it? GIBBS: If I had a couple of days, maybe. You? ZIVA: I could try. I suggest not standing within five miles of here while I attempt it. YOON: I can. LEE: She put it there. She's trying to kill us all. TONY: They're evacuating the building, Boss. And the uh -- ah, it's a really big bomb. GIBBS: You think, DiNozzo? YOON: I didn't kill them to maintain my cover, Agent Gibbs. I did it to keep my family. I failed. LEE: She's a North Korean spy! YOON: Not anymore. At least let me prevent this. GIBBS: McGee, get Sung out of here. Get the cuffs off her. ZIVA: Gibbs! GIBBS: It's not a debate, Officer David. Go. Go on. Get out of here! All of you. Give me a clear distance away. I'll handle it from here. TONY: I don't care how hard you whack me, Boss. I'm not going anywhere. ZIVA: Nor am I. GIBBS: If we survive this, you're both fired. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/YOON BEGINS TO DISARM THE BOMB) (SFX: BEEP TONES INCREASE) TONY: That's supposed to do that, right? (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: RAPID BEEP TONES) YOON: It's done. The bomb is no longer armed. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (PHONE RINGS B.G. DAWSON: So what happens now, Sir? ZIVA: The FBI will take her into custody, Sergeant. DAWSON: And then prison? ZIVA: Your wife is an agent of a hostile power. It all depends what kind of a deal she can make. TONY: She was also responsible for bringing down an entire North Korean cell and saving hundreds of lives, Sergeant. I'm sure that will be taken into consideration, right, Officer David? ZIVA: Yes, of course. Her knowledge of the inner workings of North Korean intelligence should prove to be invaluable. GIBBS: Guys, give her a minute. YOON: I'm so sorry! I was trying to do the right thing. DAWSON: Everything you said to me on the phone... I believe it, Yoon. I'll always believe it no matter what happens. Come here. DAWSON: It's okay.(SFX: YOON CRIES) YOON: I'm sorry. DAWSON: I know. GIBBS: Let's go. (YOON AND DAWSON WALK O.S.) GIBBS: Tony, Ziva, what happened back there with the bomb, I want you both to know... TONY: You don't have to say it, Boss. We know how you feel about us. ZIVA: Gibbs, we're a team. That's what we do. GIBBS: I was going to say if either one of you two wingnuts ever disobey a direct order again, I'll kill you myself. TONY: That's our boss. (MUSIC OUT) (ENDING TITLES UP AND OUT)	Plan: A: Two; Q: How many Marine wives were found dead in a house? A: Korea; Q: Where were the Marine wives originally from? A: NCIS; Q: What agency searches for the killer? A: North Korea; Q: Where did the sleeper cell have links to? Summary: Two Marine wives, both originally from Korea are found gunned down in a house. As NCIS searches for the killer, they discover that the one remaining woman and the two victims are part of a sleeper cell with links to North Korea.
MANSION - FRONT ENTRANCE - INTERIOR [Lorelai, Rory, Richard, Emily and Chris approach the front door.] RICHARD: So the hunter comes out of the tent, looks around, and says, "ah, very well then. Now, where's that gorilla?" [Laughter] LORELAI: Well now you've heard dad's big game-hunter- and-the-gorilla joke. You're officially part of the family. RORY: It's not too late to back out. EMILY: Yes, Richard, I beg you -- get some new material. CHRISTOPHER: I actually like the joke, and the family is not bad, either. Thanks for a great meal, Emily. RORY: Yes thank you, grandma. EMILY: You're quite welcome. Did you really like the meal? LORELAI: It was incredible, mom. EMILY: On our recent trip to Mexico, your father and I were served Quail Mazatln, and I insisted that Bridget find the recipe. LORELAI: Well, she found it. RORY: Yeah tell that Bridget that that Quail Mazatln was a triumph. LORELAI: Mm-hmm EMILY: It's the tequila-cactus sauce that makes it special. LORELAI: So special. CHRISTOPHER: Really just great. RICHARD: Well, young lady, I'll see you around the campus. RORY: Yes, you will. EMILY: Oh and Lorelai, it turns out that I have an emergency D.A.R. Board meeting on Tuesday, so I won't be able to get together to finalize the seating chart for the party. LORELAI: No seating-chart get-together? How will I live? CHRISTOPHER: I'll help you get through it. RICHARD: Christopher, are you sure you can't stay for a cigar? Cuban. Montecristo. Perfect complement to a tequila-cactus sauce. LORELAI: Dad, we really have to get going. CHRISTOPHER: She's right, but maybe I could get a Montecristo to go. RICHARD: Oh, nice try, nice try. CHRISTOPHER: I thought I'd give it a shot. EMILY: Another time for cigars. I'll see you, Rory. RORY: Bye, grandma. LORELAI: Bye, mom. CHRISTOPHER: Bye, bye. RICHARD: See you in class, Rory. RORY: See you! MANSION - EXTERIOR LORELAI: Oh, my god! CHRISTOPHER: I thought for sure your mom saw me put mine in here. LORELAI: How could so tiny a quail have such a big, awful taste? RORY: I think the sauce burned through my napkin. CHRISTOPHER: And now we just throw it in the bushes? LORELAI: No, no, no... RORY: No! LORELAI: We tried that before. RORY: The chicken Kiev. The Baklava, too. LORELAI: Yeah the neighbor's cat found it and dragged it to the back patio. RORY: So busted. CHRISTOPHER: Alright so how do we get rid of it? LORELAI: We take it with us in the car. RORY: Then we give it the old heave-ho over Tyler's bridge. LORELAI: Got to make sure we get every piece in the water, though. RORY: Oh yeah one stray piece of Quail Mazatl*n, and grandma will have the river dragged. LORELAI: We need something to weigh them down. How attached are you to that watch? [They get into the car to leave] OPENING CREDITS LORELAI'S HOUSE - KITCHEN [Lorelai is starting to make coffee when she hears knocking on the front door] SOOKIE: Morning! LORELAI: Uhh. SOOKIE: Ow! What was that for? LORELAI: Thought maybe I was dreaming. SOOKIE: Then you're supposed to ask me to pinch you. You're not suppose to pinch me. LORELAI: Well I'm confused. I haven't even had my coffee yet. I have your coffee and muffins hot from the oven. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: Well, actually, they're not really muffins. They're muffin tops because the muffin tops are the only parts you like. LORELAI: You baked me a whole basket of muffin tops? SOOKIE: Yep. I have got apple-cinnamon-walnut, lemon-poppy seed, apple spice, and double chocolate chip, which is really more cake than muffin. [gets some plates] But if calling them a muffin means you can eat them in the morning, then I am all for it. So, which would you like? LORELAI: Um, the cake one, please. SOOKIE: Ooh, good choice. [placing the plate on the table] Ta-da. LORELAI: Sookie? SOOKIE: Mm-hmm? LORELAI: What are you doing here? It's not even 7:00. SOOKIE: What?! Why can't a girl get up superearly on her day off, make some muffin tops, and bring a hot cup of coffee over to the best friend and business partner a girl could ever have? LORELAI: I guess. SOOKIE: I mean, I had to get up early anyway. Jackson and I are going skiing. We're so excited. We haven't done that since before the kids. LORELAI: [Taking a drink of coffee] Hmm. That's cool. SOOKIE: Yeah, Jackson loves to ski, and I love to dress up in those cozy clothes, the furry boots, and curl up with a Sue Grafton mystery. I got "'R' is for 'Ricochet'" and "'S' is for 'Silence.'" If the ski conditions are good, I can get a good eight hours of Kinsey Millhone in. Yeah, we were so excited. LORELAI: "Were"? SOOKIE: Our, uh, babysitter called last night, and she's got mono. LORELAI: Ahh. SOOKIE: Yeah. How is that, uh, muffin top? LORELAI: It has the faintest aftertaste of bribe. SOOKIE: I know it's a lot of work to take care of the kids, and I know that it's your day off, too, but I would really, really appreciate it, and I would really, really, really owe you big. LORELAI: I'd love to take care of Davey and Martha. SOOKIE: Oh, did I happen to mention that you're the best friend and business partner a girl could ever have? LORELAI: I believe you led with that. SOOKIE: Oh, good, because you are. Thank you. LORELAI: No problem. God, this coffee is good. SOOKIE: Well, yeah, it should be. I... got it from Luke's. Sorry. Is that weird? LORELAI: Oh, no, that's not weird. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: I mean, it shouldn't be weird. SOOKIE: No, it shouldn't be weird. LORELAI: It would be weird if I intentionally didn't drink the coffee. You know that would be weird. SOOKIE: Yeah, that would be weird. LORELAI: I mean, it's good coffee. SOOKIE: Yeah, and there's no reason you shouldn't enjoy good coffee. LORELAI: Exactly. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: Yeah, so it's not weird. What did you do with the muffin bottoms? SOOKIE: I made a muffin-bottom pie. It's actually pretty good. I'm thinking about patenting it. LORELAI: Mmm, muffin-bottom pie -- sounds dirty. CHRISTOPHER: Mm-mmm! There are baked goods in here. At first I thought I was dreaming. SOOKIE: Please don't pinch me. CHRISTOPHER: When I realized I wasn't, I thought, "somebody must've broke in here and started baking." LORELAI: Baking and entering -- a crime wave sweeping the nation. CHRISTOPHER: Just not used to that smell. LORELAI: Well, enjoy. Sookie brought us coffee and freshly baked muffin tops. CHRISTOPHER: Muffin tops? SOOKIE: They are the best part. CHRISTOPHER: Okay. LORELAI: You got to be careful, though, because they induce a sugar coma where it makes you say, "yes, yes, anything, yes." SOOKIE: I needed her to babysit today. CHRISTOPHER: You need anything from me? SOOKIE: Nope. CHRISTOPHER: Then we're good to go. Actually, this is gonna work out well. Ship the daughter unit off to her grandmother, get rid of the wife unit. leaving the husband unit free to do some good, old-fashioned manual labor. LORELAI: He's putting up a flat-screen. SOOKIE: Oh, flat-screen what? CHRISTOPHER: Come on. Are you serious? LORELAI: TV. SOOKIE: Oh. LORELAI: Yeah. CHRISTOPHER: You'll see. You're gonna love it. SOOKIE: Well, I should get going. I have to get ready for skiing. Oh, hey, do you have any magazines in case I get through both "R" and "S"? LORELAI: Yeah, on the hall table. SOOKIE: Okay, great. I'll get them on the way out. [Sighs] Thank you, Lorelai. [Sookie hugs Lorelai] I really, really appreciate it. LORELAI: It's okay. SOOKIE: [They hug again, Lorelai is feeling a little weird and looks at Chris] No, I mean, it takes a special person to, you know, on her day off. LORELAI: No problem. SOOKIE: Okay. Look what you're making me do. Okay. Bye. [Hugs Chris] CHRISTOPHER: Okay. [Chuckles] SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Bye. SOOKIE: Bye. CHRISTOPHER: Bye, Sookie. [Laughing] What was that? LORELAI: I don't know. She's really excited about her skiing/reading trip. [Sighs] CHRISTOPHER: This is good coffee. LORELAI: It is good. It's from Luke's. [awkward moments] CHRISTOPHER: Oh. LORELAI: Is that okay? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. [pushes the cup away] LORELAI: Sookie brought it. Are you sure? CHRISTOPHER: Of course. Why wouldn't it be? LORELAI: Because. CHRISTOPHER: It's fine. LORELAI: Okay. CHRISTOPHER: So, what do you do with the muffin bottoms? LORELAI: Oh, she turned them into a pie, you know? She's like an Indian. They use all the parts of the buffalo. CHRISTOPHER: I don't fully understand that woman. LORELAI: She bakes good stuff. CHRISTOPHER: That I get. LORELAI: Hmm. YALE [Students are returning to school after the holidays, Rory pins her letter to the notice board on Lucy and Olivia's door and leaves.] LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Chris is unpacking the Plasma TV] LORELAI: Oh, my god, the eagle has landed. CHRISTOPHER: Yep, they delivered it while you were in the shower. LORELAI: Did they deliver it or throw it? CHRISTOPHER: Comes with a lot of equipment. Isn't it beautiful? LORELAI: Yeah. And big. CHRISTOPHER: All the better to watch Reggie Bush score touchdowns on. LORELAI: I forget. Which one of the bush daughters is Reggie? CHRISTOPHER: Ah you're gonna love it. Hey, have you seen the level? LORELAI: The thing with the green bubble that goes back and forth? CHRISTOPHER: Yeah. LORELAI: Yeah, Paul Anka and I were playing with it. CHRISTOPHER: You were playing with it with the dog? LORELAI: Yes I was trying to hypnotize him with the bubble. CHRISTOPHER: Ah-ha LORELAI: See if I could talk him out of the habit of chewing on the corner of the welcome mat, or I was gonna give him a wacky posthypnotic suggestion, like the doorbell rings, and he spins around in circles. CHRISTOPHER: Were you able to hypnotize him? LORELAI: No, Chris, he's a dog. All right. I think you've got this under control. I'm gonna go sit on some babies. CHRISTOPHER: Alright you do that, when you get back, we'll sprawl out on the couch and watch flat-screen plasma TV, and the world as you know it will never be the same. [They kiss] LORELAI: You smell good. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah? [They kiss again] LORELAI: Familiar. Is that my conditioner? CHRISTOPHER: Maybe. I don't know. LORELAI: Are you using my conditioner? CHRISTOPHER: Sometimes. Why? You don't like to share? LORELAI: No, I'm married now. I love to share. CHRISTOPHER: So, why is it so funny? LORELAI: You don't have that much to condition. CHRISTOPHER: I know that, but... LORELAI: it's just been really unruly lately? CHRISTOPHER: All right. I got work to do here. LORELAI: All right, listen, I love that you're using my conditioner, and I love that you're putting up this Jumbotron thingy all by yourself, and I can't wait to watch flat sports with you, and I love you -- goodbye. CHRISTOPHER: I will be here. LORELAI: Hey, if you feel like shaving, I've got a brand-new Lady Schick in the drawer. Feel free to use it. CHRISTOPHER: Oh I might just do that. COURT HOUSE - HALLWAY [Luke is sitting on a bench alone, a court officer opens a door.] COURT OFFICER: Danes vs. Nardini? LUKE: Hmm? COURT OFFICER: Custody case. LUKE: Oh, yeah, right. Uh, no, Nardini is not here. Nobody is here. [the officer goes back in the room] I mean, well, nobody from -- okay. JIM: Luke. LUKE: Oh, hey, Jim. Hey. JIM: Been waiting long? LUKE: No, no, no, I got here early. I wasn't sure where to park, so I got here early. JIM: Always a good idea. LUKE: Yeah, listen, uh, I meant to ask you -- will I start with a statement or? JIM: No, no, you won't start with any statement. LUKE: Okay. JIM: Actually, the less you say, the better, which is good because the more you say, the more they can, well, you know. LUKE: Right, right, um will they make a decision right away? Do they tell us? JIM: Listen, I got to make a quick call. Give me a sec? LUKE: Oh, yeah, no. Go. Go right ahead. [The elevator opens and Anna approaches] LUKE: Oh, hey. ANNA: Hello, Luke. LUKE: They're not -- we're not -- ANNA: Oh, are we early? LUKE: Yeah, I guess, or they're behind. [Small nervous laugh, Luke watches Anna sit then joins her on the bench, the following conversation starts out nervous with lots of pauses.] LUKE: Did you park in the garage? ANNA: Hmm? LUKE: Yeah, do I get this thing stamped or what? ANNA: I don't know. I didn't park in the garage. LUKE: Oh. Okay. [Put the parking pass in his pocket.] Man, this place, huh? ANNA: Yeah, what a waste of time. LUKE: Yeah. ANNA: Especially since there's no reason for it. LUKE: Well, I mean... ANNA: But you have to finish what you started, right? LUKE: What I started? ANNA: Yes, when you hired a lawyer. LUKE: Well, I had to hire a lawyer. It was the only way I could see my kid. ANNA: [Scoffs] I mean, come on. You really think you have a chance? LUKE: Yeah, well, that's for a judge to decide. ANNA: Well, step back. Take a look at it. I mean, look at yourself. You're...you -- a hermit living above a diner in some old, converted hardware store. It doesn't exactly paint a picture of "capable father." LUKE: It doesn't matter where I live, and I have been nothing but a good father to April. ANNA: And you know what you're not gonna get any points for your history with women, either. LUKE: I don't know what you're talking about. ANNA: Bailed on Lorelai, got divorced in a heartbeat. LUKE: I did not bail on Lorelai. ANNA: You have had no long-term relationships, Luke. Why would a judge trust you to have one with April? LUKE: April...huh!...Knows... BARBARA: Hi. Anna, all set? JIM: Hello, Barbara. BARBARA: Jim. Can we go in? COURT OFFICER: The judge is ready for you. JIM: Perfect timing. [They all enter lead by Luke, the door is closed by the court officer] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Rory enters, Paris is busy and has a number of large white boards set up.] RORY: Hey, Paris. PARIS: Hey Rory, just a second. I'm in the middle of something. RORY: Did you have a good... PARIS: No -- I have to set up the Goldman Sachs interview before spring break. My Christmas was fine, thank you. I assume yours was, too? RORY: It was nice. PARIS: Good. We've got the pleasantries out of the way. Can we move on? RORY: I hope so. I am emotionally spent. What's all this? PARIS: This is the game plan for what I call operation finish line. RORY: Need more. PARIS: Okay. We only have five months left before we leave the warm and comforting bosom of this university and face the bitterly cold shoulder of the real world. RORY: "We"? PARIS: You and I. You're the green marker. Green was a random choice, not a subtle comment about how inexperienced you are with real-life matters. Then again, maybe it was. RORY: Hmm. Oh so I'm applying for an oceanography fellowship? PARIS: And I might point out the application is due by February 28. RORY: Yes but I know nothing about oceanography. I can't even tell you which direction the ocean is. PARIS: You apply, you get the fellowship, then you decide if you want it. RORY: I already know I don't want it. PARIS: It's a defensive move. It's like monopoly. Your little wheelbarrow lands on St. James place. You think, "I don't want St. James place, "but I don't want some other schmo to get it, so I'll stick a plastic house there." Am I getting through to you? RORY: You're making me want to play monopoly. PARIS: Look, come the semester's end, you're gonna thank me for this chart. We cannot graduate unprepared. RORY: Paris there is no way we're gonna have time to do all this stuff. PARIS: I'm not saying it's not gonna be time-consuming, but there's two of us, so we'll divide it all up and report back to each other. I think we should have weekly report-back sessions. How about Friday afternoons at 5:00? RORY: There's something to look forward to at the end of the week. STARS HOLLOW - SOOKIE'S HOUSE [Lorelai arrives at Sookie and Jackson's house and knocks] SOOKIE: Jackson! JACKSON: One minute. SOOKIE: Jackson, get the door! JACKSON: One minute! LORELAI: That's okay. I'm fine. SOOKIE: Get the door! SOOKIE'S HOUSE - INTERIOR LIVING ROOM JACKSON: Getting it, getting it. [Answering the door, Davey is hiding behind Jackson hold on to hit jumper.] Sorry, Lorelai. LORELAI: That's okay. JACKSON: I just put Martha down for a nap, and Sookie is getting dressed. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: [From the other room] Ohh! JACKSON: Ah, she's picking out an outfit now... LORELAI: Gotta. JACKSON: Thanks again for doing this. LORELAI: Sure. So, where is Davey? JACKSON: I don't know. I haven't seen him all day long. LORELAI: Well that's too bad I brought over something special for him, but if he's not here, I'll just take it back home. DAVEY: No! LORELAI: Oh, there you are. Check out what's in my bag. JACKSON: So, how's Christopher? LORELAI: He's putting up a ginormous flat-screen as we speak. JACKSON: Cool. What's the pixel aspect ratio? LORELAI: It's got two remotes. JACKSON: I'll ask him. LORELAI: Good idea. [Sookie enters] Hey. SOOKIE: Hey. [Too Jackson] Do you like this sweater on me? JACKSON: Yeah, honey, it's great. SOOKIE: I don't like it. I'm gonna change. JACKSON: So, the four of us should go out sometime soon. LORELAI: Sounds good. JACKSON: I mean, I was gonna ask you two to join us next week in Woodbury for couples-bowling night, but you don't really seem like the couples-bowling type. LORELAI: Why? What's the couples-bowling type? JACKSON: I don't know, sort of boring married people. LORELAI: But I am a boring married person now. JACKSON: Do you even like bowling? LORELAI: Not when I was single, but maybe now that I'm boring and married, it would be right up my alley. JACKSON: You have to wear the shoes. LORELAI: Forget it. SOOKIE: How about this? JACKSON: Ooh, that I really like. That's nice, the style and the color. LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: No, it's all wrong. I'm gonna change. LORELAI: Is she okay? JACKSON: Sookie? Um, yeah, she's fine. So, buddy, what did Lorelai bring? DAVEY: Her magic socks. JACKSON: Wow. LORELAI: I could tell you what they do, but it's kind of private between me and Davey. [Sookie comes back] Oh, yeah. JACKSON: That's perfect -- perfect, perfect, perfect. Let's go. SOOKIE: Are you sure? JACKSON: Absolutely. Kinsey Millhone is waiting for you. SOOKIE: You don't think it's a little too... LORELAI: Looks pretty... JACKSON: No, I love that sweater. Don't you, Lorelai? LORELAI: Yes, I love, love, love it. JACKSON: Great. See? Everything is great. See you later, buddy. Thanks again for doing this. Come on. Let's go. SOOKIE: I can't leave them. JACKSON: You can. SOOKIE: No, I can't. They need me. JACKSON: They're going to be fine. Come on. Let's go. SOOKIE: Don't you want mommy to stay here and play with you? Wouldn't that be fun? Wouldn't it Davey? JACKSON: Come on let's go hit those slopes and crack those books. Thanks again, Lorelai. LORELAI: Okay. Bye. [Jackson and Sookie leave in a hurry] LORELAI: All right. Come here. Let's see your magic socks. Let's see 'em. Come here. Where do you want to go? DAVEY: The jungle. LORELAI: The jungle? You better start kicking. Start kicking to get to the jungle. Kick! Kick! You got to kick to get there. Where's your tiger... YALE - HALLWAY [Rory is waiting on a bench, Richard comes out of his office] RICHARD: Don't apologize, Connor. That's precisely why I have office hours. Oh, and I'm supposed to tell you that you can also query me by e-mail, although to be honest, I check it about as often as I do the daily racing form. [Laughs] CONNOR: [shaking hands with Richard] Thanks. RICHARD: Yeah. Mm-hmm. [Connor leaves] Miss Gilmore, I believe you're next. The visiting lecturer will see you now. [They go inside] RORY: Thank you. Oh, I like your office. It's cozy. RICHARD: Hmm. That's one way of describing it. So, have you come as a loving granddaughter visiting your grandfather or as an obsequious student trying to butter up her professor? RORY: Well, I'm not buttering up. RICHARD: Oh, good. RORY: Well, actually... RICHARD: Oh, I thought I smelled butter. RORY: You know my, uh, roommate, Paris? RICHARD: Oh, I've met Paris. RORY: Well, and you don't have to do this, but she wanted me to ask you if you might be able to help her to set up an informal get-together with Dean Kerrigan. RICHARD: To what end? RORY: I think she wants some kind of recommendation for after graduation. RICHARD: I see. RORY: And I guess it wouldn't hurt for me to meet him, as well. But you don't have to. RICHARD: No I suppose I could speak to Dean Kerrigan. He's an affable gentleman. He's probably not averse to getting together for wine and cheese and meeting a pair of bright, soon-to-be graduates. I'll look into it. RORY: Really? Okay. Thanks, grandpa. RICHARD: So, I'm looking forward to having you in class again. RORY: Me too. RICHARD: I think you'll find this class more stimulating than last semester's. I'm expanding on some economic principles here, like pricing strategies under varying economic conditions that can be actually useful to -- sorry. I shouldn't bore you until you're sitting in my class, getting credit for it. RORY: No, I'm not bored. I'm sorry, grandpa. I just have a lot on my mind. RICHARD: Is everything all right? RORY: I just -- it's senior year, you know, last semester. There's charts all over my apartment, and I'm going through something with a friend, so. RICHARD: Paris? RORY: No, someone else. I hurt her feelings, and even after writing her a very long letter of apology, she hasn't gotten back to me, and I just feel terrible. RICHARD: I see. Well, I doubt it's as bad as you think it is. I'm sure the girl will get back to you. Maybe she's just a very slow reader. RORY: [Sighs] RICHARD: Oh, honey, anybody who knows you knows you would never do anything to purposely hurt someone's feelings. RORY: Well that's just it. We don't know each other that well. She's a new friend. We don't have a history. RICHARD: Hmm. Well, I wouldn't worry about it. Rory, you're a person of great heart and great character. And that combination will always win the day. RORY: I hope so. RICHARD: So, can I interest you in a syllabus? SOOKIE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Lorelai is on the couch watching TV] MAN ON TV: Did you blow on the dice again? MAN#2 ON TV: Yeah. MAN ON TV: That's what I thought. MAN#2 ON TV: This is my good friend Al Capone from Brooklyn.... [Lorelai gasps as she hears Sookie and Jackson outside] JACKSON: I was just trying to be helpful. SOOKIE: Cut it out, you're bugging me. LORELAI: Hi. Wow, you're home early. I'm sorry it's such a mess. Um, the magic socks took us back in time. We were cavemen. It was really bleak, so we lived like this. I would've cleaned up, but when they woke up, the magic socks were gonna take us to an orphanage in England where they had to tidy up in exchange for one teaspoon of gruel. JACKSON: Sounds fun. Don't worry about the mess. LORELAI: So, how was the skiing/reading? SOOKIE: Oh, uh, terrible. JACKSON: Oh, come on. You had fun all morning. SOOKIE: I could've had fun all day. We meet up for lunch. He spills my hot toddy all over the table, and he won't let me order another one. LORELAI: "Let you"? SOOKIE: Yeah, let me. He said if I ordered another, he'd do it again. JACKSON: I just don't think drinking is appropriate at lunch. SOOKIE: It was one drink. JACKSON: Sometimes that's all it takes. SOOKIE: And he wouldn't let me ski. LORELAI: You mean read? SOOKIE: No. Ski. "'S' is for 'silent'" sucked, so I thought, "why don't I strap on some skis and try a little downhill?" This one wouldn't let me. JACKSON: Conditions were terrible. It was really icy. SOOKIE: Well, apparently you make all the rules, your highness. Could I go check on my children? Could I do that, huh? JACKSON: No, that's fine. Sounds good. [Sookie leaves and Jackson goes to the kitchen] So, thanks a lot for sitting. We really appreciate it. LORELAI: Jackson, seriously, what's going on with you two? JACKSON: Nothing much. You? LORELAI: Jackson, why wouldn't you let her drink? JACKSON: It's a bad precedent. LORELAI: Or ski? SOOKIE: I didn't want her to get hurt. You know there's all these snowboarders on the hill these days, and they just come tearing down... LORELAI: Jackson! JACKSON: Lorelai! LORELAI: What is going on with you two? JACKSON: Nothing. LORELAI: You're acting strange. JACKSON: No, I'm not. LORELAI: So is Sookie. She's all over the place she's all weird and moody. The last time she was like that, she was pregnant. JACKSON: What? LORELAI: What? JACKSON: What? LORELAI: No. JACKSON: No. LORELAI: No? JACKSON: Maybe? LORELAI: [Gasps] Jackson, I thought you got a vasectomy. JACKSON: Oh, so she says, "go get a vasectomy," and I'm just supposed to go get a vasectomy? LORELAI: Well no you shouldn't do it if you didn't want to do it, but if you didn't want to do it, you should've told her you didn't want to do it. JACKSON: I didn't see the point. Now I see the point. LORELAI: Jackson. JACKSON: She said she was staying on the pill. She said it gave her skin a healthy glow. LORELAI: Yeah, she went off it last month. JACKSON: I know that now you'd think that's the kind of thing a wife would tell her husband. Not when she thinks the husband had a vasectomy. JACKSON: I know, I know. LORELAI: Jackson, you have to tell her she's pregnant. JACKSON: I was going to today after we had a great time and she was in a great mood, but then she wanted to ski and drink. LORELAI: Well you wouldn't let her. JACKSON: [whispering] She's pregnant. LORELAI: Well I know that and you know that, but don't you think Sookie should be let in on the good news? JACKSON: All right, all right. LORELAI: Good luck. JACKSON: Yeah. Thanks. LORELAI: [Sighs] [Jackson leaves the room to tell Sookie] JACKSON: Honey? Honey? [Speaking indistinctly] SOOKIE: No! [Coming back to the living room] JACKSON: You can't just order someone to go get a vasectomy... SOOKIE: You know what? J-just be really quiet right now! [Looking for her coat] JACKSON: ...Like it's a haircut. SOOKIE: Don't speak. Don't breathe. Don't even look at me. I'm gonna go for a walk, and while I'm gone, you're gonna have that taken care of. JACKSON: But... SOOKIE: No. No talking. Just do it, or when I get home, I will. Lorelai, let's go! [SCENE_BREAK] COURT HOUSE - HEARING ROOM [Luke, Anna, the Judge and Lawyers are seated at a table.] BARBARA: As we all know, your honor, custody cases must center on what's in the best interest of the child. JIM: And as we all know, "best interest" is a subjective term. BARBARA: For Mr. Danes to have as much access to April as he's seeking would certainly not be in her best interest. JIM: To deny the child access to her father would be psychologically damaging. BARBARA: Why? The child has only seen Mr. Danes on spur erratic occasions whenever he found time in his schedule to allow her to visit. JIM: He made himself available to her as often as she liked. BARBARA: Truth be told, during the past year, April has spent more cumulative hours with the man who drives her school bus than with Luke Danes. Why don't we ask my client to allow the bus driver shared custody of the child? JUDGE: Bit of a stretch there, Miss Campbell. BARBARA: My point, your honor, is that April's connection to Mr. Danes is superficial at best. To her, he's a man who works in a diner who only recently revealed himself to be her father. LUKE: Owns. I own the diner. I don't just work there, and April came to me. ANNA: Yeah, without my knowing it. LUKE: Exactly and you hand no intention of letting me know I had a daughter. JUDGE: Excuse me. I suggest you let your attorneys speak for you. It is why you pay them all your hard-earned money. ANNA: I apologize, your honor. LUKE: Yeah. Sorry. STARS HOLLOW [Sookie and Lorelai are walking down the street] SOOKIE: I just -- and he really -- ohh! You know? And he didn't, and then I-I can't believe that he -- ohh! Ooh! You know, 'cause he didn't have -- he didn't, and I can't believe that he could've. LORELAI: Sookie, you know you can't walk off a pregnancy, right? SOOKIE: I had just delivered his baby, and then what? I'm supposed to go and hold my husband's hand while he gets a vasectomy to make sure he does? No. It's too much. I mean, I-I-I'm not his mother. I'm already a mother. You know I don't have the time to baby a grown man. LORELAI: I know. SOOKIE: I mean what am I supposed to do -- start watching him brush his teeth? Does he want me to start cutting his meat? LORELAI: I don't think he wants his meat cut at all. SOOKIE: Well, how could he do this? LORELAI: I guess he didn't really want to have a vasectomy. SOOKIE: Well, then, tell me. LORELAI: I agree. SOOKIE: Uhh! LORELAI: I know. Uhh! SOOKIE: I mean I didn't -- there was less than 4,000 left. LORELAI: 4,000? SOOKIE: Diapers. LORELAI: Ah SOOKIE: Diapers. For the last year and a half, I've been changing 20 diapers a day, I mean and finally -- finally I've got Davey. You know he's potty-trained. It's good. You know Martha has always gone through a little more. I mean, girls -- it's a boy-girl thing. I don't know. Boys seem to be perfectly happy sitting in their own filth. LORELAI: I didn't know that. SOOKIE: Yeah, and Martha is 12 diapers a day. And then if you add the -- but that's not the point. The point is that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and now the light at the end of the tunnel is no more because you can't do that with 23 diapers a day. [Gasps] 26. If it's a girl, that's 26 diapers a day. LORELAI: Well you could use cloth diapers, you know? You wash them and -- that's not the point. I mean that's not the point. I get it that's a lot of diapers. But, you know, babies are more than diapers, right? SOOKIE: No, no. LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: No, all I remember is eat, sleep, poop, eat, sleep, poop. LORELAI: Well, there's other stuff. SOOKIE: Yeah, like oh like diaper rash and colic and potty-training. LORELAI: No, the good stuff. SOOKIE: Well, I'm having trouble remembering that. LORELAI: For one thing, they're pretty cute. SOOKIE: Well, but cute is not gonna help me sleep through the night. LORELAI: They smell great -- that newborn smell I mean, you can't beat that, right? SOOKIE: The smell is pretty good. LORELAI: How about, you know, when you give them their first bath? And I remember when I gave Rory her first bath, she looked up at me like, "what the hell is going on?" And I kept saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." SOOKIE: You know Davey loved his first one. Martha screamed bloody murder. Oh, my god, all the screaming. LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but how about the first time when they're crying and crying, and you go in to pick them up, and then they stop crying because they recognize you? SOOKIE: That's pretty cool. LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: I'm not gonna sleep, though. LORELAI: Well, you won't sleep, but you'll get another first smile. SOOKIE: You know, Davey had his at three weeks. It's really advanced. LORELAI: Aww, how about when you're lying down, you're holding the baby, and the baby falls asleep on your chest? SOOKIE: They're all warm and cuddly. Oh, god, I know what you're doing. You're trying to make this sound good. LORELAI: In the middle of the night, when you're rocking the baby, and everyone is asleep. And then they fall asleep, and you fall asleep. SOOKIE: I'm hormonal, and you are playing dirty. LORELAI: It's pretty good stuff, huh? SOOKIE: I guess. LORELAI: Really good. SOOKIE: Are you talking memory, or are you thinking ahead? LORELAI: Oh, uh, I don't know -- a little of both, I guess. SOOKIE: Really? LORELAI: Well, the subject has come up. It might come up again. SOOKIE: Oh, my god, I'm gonna have another baby. LORELAI: Yes, and I will be there to help you, no muffin tops required. SOOKIE: Thank you. I know. Oh, god, I hope I have a girl. Ooh! Or a boy. LORELAI: Well, chances are pretty good you'll have one or the other. YALE - CAFETERIA [Rory and Paris are having lunch, Paris has mini charts on the table] PARIS: So, we seem to have a block of eight days here in late March that is disturbingly free of résumé-building activity -- might be a good time to commit to some volunteer work. RORY: Sure. PARIS: I'm not crazy about wheeling around elderlies in their revelling bathrobes, so I'm leaning towards tree planting. RORY: Sounds good. PARIS: I'll check out some local community-service sites online. Now I found out the cut off for the Lawrence Way journalism fellowship application is March 1st, so we have to get on that. And have you written your sample for the Iowa poetry prize? RORY: Yeah, I think that one's a little farfetched. I mean, I only took one poetry class -- sophomore year. PARIS: Hannah freeman is applying for a fulbright to study space travel in Luneberg, Germany. Do you think she's ever travelled to space? Besides, the writing sample is a poem -- takes 20 minutes to write, 2 if it's haiku. RORY: I know but... PARIS: You could've told me you were going to be so resistant to operation finish line when we agreed to it. RORY: I'm sorry. When did we agree to it? PARIS: And this is not about making charts. It's about our careers. It's about life. I'm trying to help you here. Did you talk to your grandfather about hooking me up with Dean Kerrigan? RORY: [Distracted by seeing Lucy] Hmm? Um, yeah, I did. I did that. PARIS: And? RORY: Um, he said he'd look into it. PARIS: "Look into it"? That's not going to cut it. You have got to put the screws to the guy. I don't care if he's your grandfather. He's part of our game plan, and he's got to play ball. PARIS: Why do you keep...is that Lucy? RORY: Yeah. PARIS: Have you heard from her yet? RORY: No. PARIS: Oh, so now she's decided to just ignore you? How very "Heathers" of her. RORY: I don't think she saw me. [Paris gets up and walks to Lucy.] Paris, no. PARIS: Okay, look, it's time to put an end to this little junior-high game you're playing. LUCY: Hey, Paris. PARIS: Have you read Rory's letter or not? LUCY: Um, yeah, I just... PARIS: Well would you please tell her you forgive her and kiss and make up, because it's really messing with her head? RORY: Um, sorry, Lucy, I didn't... PARIS: Don't apologize. I've got her on the ropes. LUCY: Look I just got back an hour ago, so I just read your letter. PARIS: Yeah? And? LUCY: Well, it's not really fair, I mean, you being a writer. PARIS: Yeah, yeah, life's not fair. Can you let her off the hook, for god's sakes? In case you didn't know it, Rory is a great person, and she does not deserve to be treated this way. RORY: Paris... RORY: Anyone should feel lucky to call her a friend. I know I do, and you're throwing away one of the best. RORY: Paris, please. I appreciate where this is coming from, but can we just have a minute? [Paris leaves] LUCY: It was a really beautiful letter. RORY: Thanks. LUCY: Look, I know that Marty put you in a really crappy position and... RORY: Yeah, but I -- well, he did. LUCY: Totally crappy. RORY: But I could've said, "No, Marty, you're being stupid and immature." LUCY: Which he was so being. RORY: But I just -- I handled it wrong. I mean, can I say again how much I screwed up? LUCY: No, you didn't screw up. Marty asked you to do something really weird and wrong, and you did it 'cause you're a great person. Ask Paris. RORY: Well, I don't know about -- LUCY: Look I even tried to figure out what I would've done in your shoes, and, I mean, I even tried to act it out with Olivia playing the role of Marty. RORY: Seriously? LUCY: I know, right? Any chance to act. But um, it didn't really work because as much as I love Olivia, her Marty was so over-the-top. RORY: Are things okay with you and Marty? LUCY: Arr not so much. We broke up. RORY: Oh, no. LUCY: Oh, well, right? RORY: I'm so, so sorry. LUCY: No, I mean, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't meant to be. Listen, I got to go to my first class. RORY: Oh, yeah, okay. LUCY: But I'll call you, okay? RORY: Okay. Yeah. See you. [Back at the table] PARIS: Everything okay now? RORY: Yep. PARIS: Good. Did you ask her about actresses she knows at Yale drama? Why have I even bothered to do all this? LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM [Chris is finishing hanging the Plasma] CHRISTOPHER: Perfect. Yeah. There we go. PAUL ANKA: [Barks] CHRISTOPHER: What? That's straight. It's straight. Fine, you want me to prove it? I'll find a level and prove it. [looks in his tool box] Where's the level, Paul Anka? The level! [Claps at Paul Anka to get up] Find the level, boy! All right. You've been absolutely no help. [Goes up stairs] COURT HOUSE - HEARING ROOM JUDGE: All right, now, Miss Nardini, what kind of provisions have you made for your daughter in New Mexico -- house, schools? ANNA: Well I've already rented a house in a nice area, um checked out the immediate neighborhood, and there's a lot of kids there that are April's age. JUDGE: Hmm. ANNA: I have enrolled her in a local school that is very highly recommended, um, put her up for swim team. JIM: Your honor, we don't contest that Miss Nardini will make April's transition to the new living situation as seamless as possible. We contest the part where she cuts the child off from her father. BARBARA: A father she barely knows, who does not have -- let's face it -- the most sterling personal history. LUKE: Okay. Look. I know what you're talking about, and, yeah, I've made a few mistakes. JIM: Luke, hang on. LUKE: It's true. I was married before, and it only lasted a few months, but it ended amicably...pretty much. JUDGE: Mr. Danes, I need you to refrain... LUKE: And I may live above a diner, and some people may see me as a hermit. JIM: Luke. LUKE: And I'm the first person to admit that you know all of my relationships haven't exactly been long-term. JUDGE: Mr. Mcnally. LUKE: Yeah, you know, but this is different. We are talking about my daughter, who I didn't even know I had for the first 12 years of her life. And now that I know her, and I know I'm her dad, I just want to be with her and be her dad 'cause I know I will be a good dad. JUDGE: Mr. Danes, be quiet. JIM: I'm sorry, your honor. This won't happen again. LUKE: [Sighs] LORELAI'S HOUSE - LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Chris enters still looking for the level] CHRISTOPHER: Mm-hmm. Nope. [Sighs, opens a draw] Aha! All right. [then sees the note pad and picks it up] COURT HOUSE - HEARING ROOM JUDGE: Alright now that I've had the opportunity to hear from both sides in this case, I'm going to read some personal references into the court record. The first letter is written on behalf of Mr. Danes by a miss Lorelai Gilmore. This is dated January 9, 2007. "To whom it may concern, In the nearly 10 years that I have known Luke Danes, I have come to know him as an honest and decent man. He's also one of the most kind and caring persons I have ever met." [Cut to Chris reading the letter, we hear Lorelai's voice.] LORELAI: "I'm a single mother, and I raised my daughter by myself, but once Luke Danes became my friend in this town, I never really felt alone. Luke and I have had our ups and downs over the years, but through it all, his relationship with my daughter, Rory, has never changed. He's always been there for her no matter what. He was there to celebrate her birthdays. He was there cheering her on at her high school graduation. Luke has been a sort of father figure in my daughter's life. With his own daughter, Luke wasn't given the opportunity to be there for her first 12 years, but he should be given that opportunity now. Once Luke Danes is in your life, he is in your life forever." [Back to the court room, still reading the letter, back to the judge speaking] JUDGE: "I know from personal experience what an amazing gift that is, and not to allow him access to his daughter" [cut to shot of Luke's reaction] "would be to seriously deprive her of all this man has to offer, and he offers so much. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Lorelai Gilmore." [Closing shot of Chris finishing the letter.] LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR [Night time, Lorelai pulls up in the Jeep and goes inside.] LORELAI'S HOUSE - ENTRY [Lorelai enters] LORELAI: Hiya! I want to see the TV. [Gasps] Holy cripes, that's big! Oh, my gosh. Does that come with a slushee machine and a gangly teenage usher? Honey, the deal with sookie...[sees the not pad] Chris? CHRISTOPHER: I read your letter. LORELAI: Honey, it's not a letter. It's just a character reference that Luke asked me to write for his court case. CHRISTOPHER: Reads like a letter. LORELAI: Oh, yeah? CHRISTOPHER: Almost like a love letter. LORELAI: No, it's a favor that Luke asked 'cause he needed... CHRISTOPHER: You know what? Before you go through a whole list of excuses, let me just ask -- is our marriage for you basically just marking time? LORELAI: What? CHRISTOPHER: Come on, Lore. LORELAI: Of course not. CHRISTOPHER: I mean obviously you still have very deep feelings for the guy. LORELAI: No, no, I just have known him a long time, and he's... CHRISTOPHER: always been there, always will be there. LORELAI: Luke needed a character reference for court to prove that he deserves partial custody of April, and I know him really well. CHRISTOPHER: Yes, you do. LORELAI: And so it just made sense that he would ask me to write that character reference. CHRISTOPHER: I can't believe I just had coffee from his place. LORELAI: Coffee? Sweetie, I told you Sookie brought that, okay? CHRISTOPHER: Do you still talk to him? I mean, do you see him? LORELAI: This is crazy. CHRISTOPHER: Hey, I got a right. I have a right to know. LORELAI: Occasionally I see him because we live in the same town. CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, and I know you, Lore. LORELAI: And? CHRISTOPHER: And I know that you're not done with him. LORELAI: Okay, this is ridiculous. This is -- hey, this is a ridiculous conversation, okay? I have a history with him, yes. I was engaged to him, yes. But I married you. CHRISTOPHER: Tell me you're not in love with him. LORELAI: I'm not in love with him. CHRISTOPHER: [Sighs] I should've known. I mean, I mean, all the signs were there. LORELAI: What signs? CHRISTOPHER: The fact that you didn't want to leave stars hollow, that you were dead set against redoing the wedding, that you didn't want to have a baby with me. I mean, it's all because of him, right? LORELAI: No. How can I tell... it's over, okay? What I had with him, it's over, Chris. CHRISTOPHER: Then why did you hide the letter from me? LORELAI: I wasn't hiding it. I put it in the drawer in case they lost the typed copy or the judge spilled coffee on it, the dog ate it. I don't know why I didn't tell you about it. CHRISTOPHER: I think that it's because you're still in love with him. LORELAI: No, I love you. I love you. CHRISTOPHER: You know what? I-I'm sorry, Lore. I just -- I can't handle this. LORELAI: Handle what? CHRISTOPHER: This. You and him. I just -- I can't handle being your second choice. I thought I could, but I can't, all right? I can't be your rebound. I'm sorry. [Chris leaves] LORELAI: Christopher? [The door closes] LORELAI: Chris? [Lorelai is left standing there in the kitchen] PARIS AND DOYLE'S APARTMENT [Rory and Paris are at work on "Operation Finish Line" RORY: Okay, I will check out the Poposaurus project at the Peabody, but there is no way I'm signing up for the LSATS. PARIS: Sure you are. Don't get lazy on me now. The finish line is in sight. RORY: I'm not being lazy, Paris. It's just I'm not interested in being a lawyer. I'm interested in journalism. PARIS: Just because you go to law school doesn't mean you have to be a lawyer. Look at Dan Abrams he's a journalist but because of his law degree, he became the face of the Scott Peterson trial. RORY: Well I don't want to be the face of the Scott Peterson trial, and I hate Dan Abrams. I will also not be taking the MCATS. PARIS: Sanjay Gupta, senior medical correspondent at CNN, [Rory's phone rings] right now he's got the market cornered. RORY: Well, good for Sanjay. [Answering the phone] Hello? Oh, hey, Lucy. Now? Um, yeah, yeah. Um no, that sounds great. I'll see you there. Okay. Bye. Grab your coats. We're going tray sledding. PARIS: What? RORY: We're gonna meet Lucy over at the dining hall, sneak out a couple of trays, and then go tray sledding down science hill. We can cross it off the list, come on. PARIS: But tray sledding isn't slated to happen for a few more weeks. RORY: Well that's okay there might not be as much snow in a couple weeks. And Lucy and Olivia happen to be going today, so let's go. PARIS: Are you sure you want me to come? RORY: Paris. PARIS: Okay, okay. RORY: Hey, uh, listen. Thanks for saying those things you said about me in the cafeteria. PARIS: Oh, well, I just didn't want your juvenile hysterics to muck up the whole chart. RORY: I know. PARIS: I mean you two were behaving like children. I thought I was gonna have to put you on the naughty step. RORY: Still, it's just nice to hear sometimes. PARIS: You're not going to cry, are you? RORY: No, I don't think so. PARIS: Good. RORY: Are you ready? PARIS: I'm ready! RORY: Let's go. Oh, wait. If you fall and break your face, as many tray sledders do, don't even worry about it 'cause you can spend the night in the infirmary, which is another typical college experience. PARIS: Wait. What? RORY: Come on. LORELAI'S HOUSE - LORELAI'S BEDROOM [Lorelai is alone in bed and wakes up, she gets up and checks for Chris' car, it's not there, the phone rings] LORELAI: Hello? LUKE: [In his apartment] Hey, I didn't wake you, did I? LORELAI: Uh, no, hi. No, I'm up. LUKE: I just had to tell you. I won. LORELAI: [still half asleep] You won? LUKE: It's incredible. I thought I was screwed. I mean, her lawyer dug up every last bit of dirt she could find on me but. LORELAI: Oh. Oh, yeah. Luke, that's great. LUKE: Yeah, the judge waited until this morning to give us her decision. Oh, man, was that the longest night of my life. But I just got off with my lawyer. I get shared custody. LORELAI: Wow. Congratulations. LUKE: Yeah, I get to see April at least one weekend a month, every other major holiday, half the summer. We're gonna work it all out. It's so great. LORELAI: So great. LUKE: Yeah, I guess the judge just took everything into consideration and realized how much I wanted to be in April's life. And, of course, your letter was a big help. LORELAI: Well, I just wanted to help you, help April. LUKE: Well, you did, and I'm really grateful. Anyway, uh, sorry to call so early. Thanks again. LORELAI: Congratulations. [Lorelai hangs up then sighs] YALE - CLASS ROOM [Richard is teaching, Rory is there and looking on proudly] RICHARD: Now, when it comes to papers, I'm guessing that some of you, of course, will be asking me for an extension. You will be happy to learn that I have no problem with extensions. [light laughter by the class] Here's what you do. You look at the due date of the paper, and then you mark it on your calendar two weeks prior to that date. And there you have it. I've just granted you a two-week extension. By the way, my office hours are every Tuesday morning, and you're welcome to come to me with any questions or problems, economic or non. My expertise extends beyond Keynesian theory, and I will be happy to lend an ear. So, let's get started. As you know, this course... [Breathless] Will take a specific look at... processes and determinants... of overall economic P...[Gasps softly and groans, falls to the floor as the screen fades to black] WOMAN: [might be Rory] Someone call 911.	Plan: A: Noticing Sookie's recent odd behavior; Q: Why does Lorelai force Jackson to tell her the reason for Sookie's behavior? A: Lorelai; Q: Who forces Jackson to tell Sookie the reason for her behavior? A: a hearing; Q: What do Luke and Anna attend to decide their custody battle? A: April; Q: What child is Luke and Anna fighting over? A: help; Q: What does Paris give to Rory to make amends with Lucy? A: Rory; Q: Who witnesses a frightening scene at Richard's economics class? A: amends; Q: What does Rory finally make with Lucy? A: Lucy; Q: Who tells Rory that she and Marty have broken up? A: Yale; Q: Where is Richard's economics class? A: Luke's character reference; Q: Christopher finds the letter Lorelai wrote for what? A: second; Q: What was Luke's ranking in Lorelai's list of potential husbands? Summary: Noticing Sookie's recent odd behavior, Lorelai forces Jackson to tell her the reason. Luke and Anna attend a hearing to decide their custody battle over April. With help from Paris, Rory finally makes amends with Lucy, who tells her that she and Marty have broken up. While attending Richard's economics class at Yale, Rory witnesses a frightening scene. Finally, Christopher finds the letter Lorelai wrote for Luke's character reference and confronts Lorelai about whether he was her second choice.
THE POWER OF THE DALEKS 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 1 - LESTERSON'S LABORATORY DALEKS: We will get our power. We will get our power. We will get our power. We will get our power. We will get our power. We will get our power. (As the Daleks continue chanting, Lesterson moves forward, and turns the power supply dial from full to half. The Daleks are immediately 'drained' of half their power - their movements and speech become sluggish.) FIRST DALEK: Turn back the power supply. LESTERSON: I will, I will. But I want you to remember that I control you. FIRST DALEK: We are your servants. LESTERSON: I know. Remember it. I gave you each a special charge to bring you back to life. Any further power you need must come from this generator. And I control it. Is that clear? FIRST DALEK: We obey. (Lesterson turns the power supply dial back to full power. The Daleks are immediately restored to their former condition. Two of the Daleks swiftly glide into the capsule.) LESTERSON: Where are they going? DALEK: To await your orders, master. LESTERSON: Good. Have you completed the blueprints for the meteor storm computer? DALEK: It is ready. (The Dalek leads Lesterson to a workbench, where a number of thin metallic sheets lie on top. Lesterson eagerly examines the blue prints.) LESTERSON: Oh, it's marvellous! I'm glad we understand each other. DALEK: We understand the human mind. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 2 - GOVERNOR'S TERRACE (In Hensell's terrace, Bragen now sits behind the Governor's desk. Now wearing a new Deputy-Governor's uniform, Bragen watches impatiently as Valmar works on a communications device attached to the table.) BRAGEN: Isn't that finished yet? VALMAR: Nearly. (Valmar picks up the receiver.) VALMAR: This is Valmar. Test call please. (Valmar replaces the receiver. A few seconds later, the communicator buzzes, and Valmar picks up the receiver again.) VALMAR: Terrace. So I can hear you clearly all right, good. Now try and get in connection now with the interior, and then the perimeter stations. (Valmar replaces the receiver, and turns back to Bragen.) VALMAR: Well, no troubles now. BRAGEN: About time. This work should have been completed long before this. VALMAR: Well, I did the best I could! BRAGEN: Well, it isn't good enough! VALMAR: Then get someone else, Bragen. BRAGEN: Be careful! I shall be watching you, Valmar, after this - now get out! (Valmar strides from the office, just as the Doctor and Ben burst in. Trailing them, is a flustered guard.) BRAGEN: What does this intrusion mean? GUARD: I'm sorry, Bragen. I tried to stop them. DOCTOR: Intrusion? It's no intrusion. We're just returning the various calls that you made. This guard tried to tell us you were busy. You're not a bit, are you? BRAGEN: All right - I'll see them. (As the guard leaves, the Doctor studies Bragen closely.) DOCTOR: Oh, what a nice new uniform. Very smart, very smart. I would like a hat like that. BRAGEN: Well, what do you want? BEN: (Waving a piece of paper.) Some joker has kidnapped Polly and sent us this note. DOCTOR: Yes. BEN: Well, we want to know what you're doing to find her. BRAGEN: Now that the communications are restored we can start a search. BEN: Yeah, I can just imagine what kind of job you'll make of that. Haven't you heard anything yet? BRAGEN: The planet is a large one. (At that moment, a Dalek glides into the room. Attached to its sucker stick, is a small tray. A glass sits on the tray.) DOCTOR: (To the Dalek.) So! They've given you the run of the colony, have they? DALEK: We obey. Do I bring liquid for your visitors? BRAGEN: (Taking the solitary glass.) No. They won't be staying much longer. (The Dalek glides from the room.) BEN: Look, Doctor, if he's not going to help us, we'll have to search for Polly ourselves. BRAGEN: Sound advice. Why don't you, Doctor? DOCTOR: Ah, ah, Examiner. (The Doctor and Ben hurriedly leave the room. As they walk down the corridor, the Doctor whispers to Ben.) DOCTOR: I wonder how much longer they'll be able to move around on these floors? BEN: Eh? DOCTOR: Floors. They're not metal. BEN: Doctor. (Meanwhile, Bragen prepares to return to his work, when the communications device buzzes. Bragen switches on the monitor to reveal Hensell.) HENSELL: Ah, there you are Bragen. Thank heavens the communications are working again. It's bad enough being stuck out here on the perimeter. Well? Your report man. Hurry up. I've got a very full schedule. BRAGEN: There is nothing to report, Governor. HENSELL: The Examiner? BRAGEN: I'm taking good care of him. HENSELL: Good, you know my orders. BRAGEN: Yes, sir. HENSELL: All right, well you can reach me here if you have to, that's all. BRAGEN: One moment, Governor. When will you be coming back? HENSELL: Oh, not for a day or two at least. You can manage, can't you? BRAGEN: Yes. Yes of course, Governor. (Hensell's image disappears from the scanner. Bragen suddenly realises that the Dalek has re-appeared in front of the desk.) BRAGEN: What do you want? DALEK: Have you finished your liquid? BRAGEN: No. No I haven't. (Bragen watches suspiciously as the Dalek glides away.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 3 - CORRIDOR (In a nearby corridor, Janley is pinning a piece of paper on to the noticeboard. Another colonist, Kebble, walks up to Janley. Nearby, the Doctor and Ben have heard the sounds of conversation.) JANLEY: You'd better check the agenda. KEBBLE: I'll do it now. (As Janley walks off, Kebble commences to scan the noticeboard. Nearby, the Doctor removes a magnet from his pocket, and whispers to Ben.) DOCTOR: Static you see. They need a constant supply of static from the floor, some sort of electrical field. BEN: Doctor. Why should he...? (Ben indicates to the Doctor to look around the corner. Kebble is walking away from the noticeboard. Further down the corridor, three Daleks are gliding past.) DOCTOR: It's madness! BEN: What is? DOCTOR: Letting them run around like this. BEN: Hey, wait a minute! Bragen had one acting as a servant, and we've just left him! DOCTOR: One Dalek in Bragen's office - three Daleks just gone down the corridors. That makes four! BEN: Where did the fourth one come from? DOCTOR: Well, Lesterson can't have been making them. Perhaps there were more in the capsule than we thought? BEN: We must go and see Lesterson. Yeah, and show him this note. Maybe he or Janley knows where Polly is. (Ben turns back to the noticeboard, looking for Kebble.) BEN: We frightened him off. I wonder what the fascination of this notice board is? DOCTOR: It looks like a perfectly ordinary noticeboard to me. BEN: Yeah, well come on, Doctor. We must find out who's got Polly. Doctor, come on! (The Doctor reluctantly strolls off after Ben. Glancing back one last time, the Doctor notices that another man is standing in front of the noticeboard. The man is busy writing down notes. Realising that the Doctor is watching him, the man hurriedly folds his papers, and places them in his pocket.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 4 - LESTERSON'S LABORATORY (Lesterson, with a piece of paper in his hand, approaches Janley.) LESTERSON: Janley? JANLEY: What is it? LESTERSON: The Daleks. They've given me another list of materials they need. JANLEY: (Taking the list.) Let me see. We've got all those things? LESTERSON: Yes, but why these quantities, Janley? Why? How can they have used up all the materials I gave them? What is it? D... why, it's only a matter of a few hours ago. JANLEY: They're building new things for us. LESTERSON: Yes, well I don't want them to do anything without consulting me. What is it they do inside there? JANLEY: You're worrying too much. LESTERSON: Look Janley, say what you like, but I'm beginning to believe that the Examiner is right about the Daleks. Their original thinking terrifies me. If we can control them, fine. But if not... JANLEY: Yes? LESTERSON: Then I shall have them destroyed. It's too dangerous. The Examiner knows something about them that we don't. I'm going to ask his advice. JANLEY: I wouldn't bring the Examiner into it if I were you. LESTERSON: And why not? JANLEY: You want him to find out about Resno? LESTERSON: Oh, a little accident. How is he? Is he better? JANLEY: He's dead. LESTERSON: What are you talking about? You told me he was... JANLEY: You're busy with the experiments on the Daleks. LESTERSON: But you should have told me. But... but the body -- it'll have to be reported. JANLEY: Don't worry, no one will find the body. LESTERSON: Oh Janley, you've done a terrible thing. JANLEY: The experiments on the Daleks were more important. LESTERSON: More important than human life? No. No, I won't accept that. JANLEY: You will. You must! Your carelessness was the cause of Resno's death. You murdered him. It's only your word against mine. LESTERSON: I won't be blackmailed by you! JANLEY: All I want is for you to go on as you are. Scientific discovery can't stop dead, Lesterson. (At that moment, the Doctor and Ben stride into the laboratory.) LESTERSON: I told the guard that no-one was to be allowed in. DOCTOR: "Accord every access" remember? BEN: We're looking for Polly. LESTERSON: Well, she isn't here, and I haven't seen her. BEN: Well, she's been kidnapped. LESTERSON: Oh, it sounds a little unlikely. BEN: Oh it does, does it? Well, we've got this note which tells us so. LESTERSON: I'm very sorry, but I don't know anything about it. DOCTOR: Lesterson? LESTERSON: Yes? DOCTOR: You haven't been building Daleks, have you? LESTERSON: Building? No I wouldn't know how to begin. DOCTOR: And there were only three in the capsule? LESTERSON: Yes. DOCTOR: Well we've just seen four. One in the Governor's office and three in the corridor! LESTERSON: But that's not possible! DOCTOR: There's only one explanation. The Daleks are reproducing themselves! (Lesterson thoughtfully picks up the list of materials requested by the Daleks.) JANLEY: These things are machines. How could they reproduce? DOCTOR: Machines! What makes you think they're just machines. The Daleks are brilliant engineers. Nothing is beyond them given the right materials. LESTERSON: What? DOCTOR: I said nothing is beyond them given the right materials. LESTERSON: Oh... DOCTOR: Lesterson, what's the matter? LESTERSON: Oh... (Lesterson crushes the list of materials, and throws it on to the floor. He then sits down on a stool, covering his face with his hands. The Doctor slowly walks towards the dejected scientist.) JANLEY: Leave him alone. He's just been overworking, that's all. BEN: Well, he looks bad. JANLEY: Will you both go away. Guard! It's you - badgering him with questions. You've done nothing but hound him ever since you arrived on Vulcan. (Janley waves at the guard standing at the door.) JANLEY: Bragen's orders were that no one was to be admitted. GUARD: Yes, but I thought that the... the Examiner. JANLEY: He attacked Lesterson. Get them out of here. Both of them. BEN: He did not attack Lesterson. JANLEY: Out, do you hear?! (The guard forces the Doctor and Ben to leave the room.) BEN: All right, all right. (Janley quickly crosses to the communicator, and lifts the receiver.) JANLEY: Janley here. Tell Valmar to come over to the lab right away. Good. (Janley turns back to Lesterson, who is still slumped on the stool. Grabbing hold of Lesterson's arm, Janley guides the scientist to a couch.) JANLEY: Now, it's all right. Come on. Rest here for a bit. There. You've been doing far too much. (Lesterson mumbles in agitation.) JANLEY: Ssssh. (Janley forces Lesterson to drink a glass of water, which she has secretly spiked with a sedative. As Lesterson fades into unconscious, Valmar enters the room.) JANLEY: I've sedated him. VALMAR: Well, what's the matter with him? JANLEY: Overwork, I suppose. He just suddenly broke up. Anyway, it'll give you a chance to lay in the new power cable the Daleks have asked for. VALMAR: You don't miss a trick, do you? (Janley walks across to the Dalek capsule.) JANLEY: (Speaking into the capsule.) We're going to lay in the new cables you wanted. (The door to the capsule glides open, and a Dalek appears.) DALEK: Good. VALMAR: You're sure this is okay, Janley? JANLEY: Of course. We help them. They help us. DALEK: Yes. We are your servants. JANLEY: Don't take too long about it, Valmar. Oh, you saw the notice, did you? VALMAR: I saw it. (Valmar walks into the capsule, holding the power cable in his hands.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 5 - CORRIDOR (Back in the corridor, the Doctor is examining the noticeboard.) BEN: Well, we're still no nearer finding Polly. What are we hanging about here for? DOCTOR: Ben, I've found a message in code. It's an anagram, you just take the capital letters, see, work it out yourself. BEN: Oh, I can't do crosswords. DOCTOR: Meeting tonight, 2000 hours. R O C K E T -- Rocket. R O O M - Room. P. Rocket Room P! (The Doctor turns back to Ben thoughtfully.) DOCTOR: It's the rebels way of calling a meeting. Only tonight we're going to be there - early. BEN: Yeah, maybe we're nearer finding Polly than I thought. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 6 - ROCKET ROOM P (Later than night in Rocket Room P, the Doctor and Ben hide at the back of the room. They wait for the meeting to commence.) BEN: (Shifting uncomfortably.) Aw, I've got pins and needles now. DOCTOR: What's the time? BEN: Time we went home! DOCTOR: Yes. (Eventually, the rebels start filing into the room. The group includes Valmar (with a Dalek), and Janley (carrying a small case). Janley opens the case to reveal the Dalek gun-stick. Valmar connects the gun-stick to the Dalek. As the rebels gather around a table, a man enters the room, and stands in the shadows. The Doctor and Ben are unable to determine his identity.) JANLEY: Now, we're going to demonstrate something. You section leaders can pass on what you've seen. So far, we've been concerned with testing the strength of the Governor with a few acts of sabotage. But now, we're ready to take over. KEBBLE: (Peering at the Dalek.) What is that thing? I've seen them moving about, but all we've been told is that it's a machine Lesterson discovered. JANLEY: Valmar? VALMAR: (Displaying a small device.) Well, Lesterson removed the armaments of the Daleks he discovered. I've rearmed this one, but with a controlling device. We can regulate the fire power and turn it off and on whenever we choose. JANLEY: Shall we have the demonstration now? (The man in the shadows nods.) BEN: That's the one we want. He must be the boss of this outfit. DOCTOR: Sssh! (The Doctor stares thoughtfully at the group of rebels. Without thinking, he retrieves his recorder, and places the tip in his mouth. Horrified, Ben quickly prevents the Doctor from blowing a tune. The Doctor casually places the recorder back in his pocket. Meanwhile, Janley has set up a metallic sheet on a small stand.) JANLEY: This screen is two inch thick tungsten steel. Right, Valmar. VALMAR: (To the Dalek.) Fire at the screen. (Valmar presses the control switch, while simultaneously tapping the Dalek on its dome. The sheet of metal is destroyed. All the rebels cringe back in alarm.) JANLEY: Quiet! You must keep quiet. We're too vulnerable here. KEBBLE: But, you can't control a thing like that. It'll turn on us! JANLEY: No it won't. KEBBLE: I wouldn't let any of my group go anywhere near it. VALMAR: I can control it. KEBBLE: Prove it. Ah, you daren't! I'm not talking about that thing firing at the wall or bits of metal or anything. I mean people. Have you tested whether it... you can stop it from killing people? Our people? VALMAR: Look, I can show you what I've done here. KEBBLE: Forget it. How do you know a Dalek can tell the difference between the Governor's people and our people? VALMAR: But I can tell the difference, you fool! And I control it. KEBBLE: We want something better than words. JANLEY: (Moving in front of the screen.) Test it on me. Will that satisfy you? KEBBLE: Well yes, but... BEN: She's out of her mind! (The Dalek swings its eye-stick towards Janley, as Valmar turns to the man in the shadows.) VALMAR: Is it all right? (The man hesitates a moment, before raising his arm in assent.) VALMAR: (To the Dalek.) Now, when I tell you to fire... DALEK: I am your servant. (Once again, Valmar presses the control switch, while tapping the Dalek on the top of the dome. This time, nothing happens. The rebels move in towards Valmar, congratulating him.) JANLEY: Get back to your places. KEBBLE: Are you all right? JANLEY: Of course. I don't take needless risks VALMAR: Oh well done, Janley. JANLEY: You haven't disarmed the Dalek! Well go on take the gun away. We don't want any accidents. Now, what about the girl? KEBBLE: We've got her safely locked up. Never fear. JANLEY: I think the best thing for us to do is... BEN: Hear that? Maybe they'll say were she is. (Ben moves forward for a better look, but his arm catches a loose box. The box crashes to the ground. Startled, the rebels all turn to the back of the room.) JANLEY: Who's there? BEN: (Whispering to the Doctor.) You stay there, I'll distract them. Find out where Polly is. (The Doctor attempts to restrain Ben, but the young sailor is already on his feet, and racing towards the door. Janley steps in front of Ben, as the Dalek swivels around, its gun at the ready.) JANLEY: No! BEN: Help! Help! (Kebble quickly intercepts Ben, and strikes him unconscious. Ben collapses to the floor.) JANLEY: The guards will have heard that! Come on we've got to get out of here! Take him and lock him up! Quick! Out! (The rebels hurriedly file from the room. A few seconds later, the Doctor is left alone with the mysterious man, and the Dalek. Suddenly, the man steps from the shadows, and begins to speak.) BRAGEN: You might as well come out. We know you're there. DOCTOR: (Walking out from the hiding place.) Bragen! BRAGEN: Of course. Who else is fitted to be leader of the rebels? (The Dalek spins around, pointing its gun-stick towards the Doctor.) DOCTOR: No doubt you want to be leader of the Daleks too. BRAGEN: I am the leader of the Daleks. DOCTOR: (Noticing the Dalek moving closer.) Well see if you can stop this one from killing me. BRAGEN: (Also noticing the Dalek.) Stop! You heard me, that's an order. Turn away. Fetch the guard. DALEK: I obey. (The Dalek hesitates momentarily, before gliding from the room.) DOCTOR: You hope to have it both ways, Bragen. But how will you look in front of the Governor, when I explain your dual role to him? BRAGEN: The Governor will hardly listen to an impostor. DOCTOR: An impostor? How do you propose to prove that? BRAGEN: My guards are now going to produce the body of the real Examiner from the mercury swamp. DOCTOR: The one you murdered. BRAGEN: The one you pretended to be. DOCTOR: Murder's a far worse crime than impersonation. BRAGEN: Yes, but you can't prove I'm a murderer, while I can prove that you're an impostor. (The Dalek re-enters the room, along with Janley and two guards.) BRAGEN: (To guards.) Take this man away. Detain him. (The guards escort the Doctor from the room.) JANLEY: A dangerous man. BRAGEN: Now the only one left is the Governor. JANLEY: Perhaps we should have dealt with the Examiner earlier. BRAGEN: I'll deal with him in time -- and Quinn. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 7 - CELL BLOCK (Quinn is sitting quietly in his cell, when he detects the sounds of movement. Standing up, he notices the Doctor being locked up in an adjacent cell. The guard activates a small box, which emits a high-pitched whining noise. This causes the lock on the door to automatically seal.) QUINN: You're the last man I expected to see here. DOCTOR: (Peering at the lock.) Hmm. Work's by sound, does it? QUINN: I'm speaking to you, Examiner. DOCTOR: Oh, I'm sorry. QUINN: If you'd listened to me in the first place, you wouldn't be locked up here now. DOCTOR: Well your imprisonment hasn't been entirely wasted. It's brought your enemy out into... QUINN: Bragen? I've known that all along. DOCTOR: Yes. But, ah, did you know that he was the leader of the rebels? QUINN: Bragen? The leader? DOCTOR: Yes. It's quite a simple sort of lock, really. QUINN: Hensell's trouble is he thinks he can run this colony on his personality alone. (The Doctor sits on the bed, and removes a variety of items from his pockets.) DOCTOR: But even if he knew of the danger, could he do anything? The rebels are well organised. QUINN: The Governor's popular. He can count on the mine workers of the perimeter for support. DOCTOR: In that case we must get word to him. QUINN: If you'd done your job properly, Examiner, you wouldn't be here now, and I'd have been out too. DOCTOR: Ah yes. But then, I'm not the real Examiner. Ben, Polly and I -- We're... we're just travellers, that's all. I found the Examiner, dead. Bragen murdered him. QUINN: Everything leads back friend Bragen. Just give me a chance get my hands on him. DOCTOR: We aren't going to have the chance, unless we can get out of here. QUINN: There's just a little matter of the cell doors. (Quinn moves forward and rattles the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE 8 - LESTERSON'S LABORATORY (In the laboratory, Lesterson slowly awakes from his drugged state. He staggers to the workbench, and wets his handkerchief. As he pats his forehead with the handkerchief, he notices a Dalek gliding towards the capsule entrance. Another Dalek appears from within the capsule.) LESTERSON: Ah... Oh... SECOND DALEK: You sent for me? FIRST DALEK: Take up a position at the communications room. Watch and report. SECOND DALEK: I obey. LESTERSON: (Muttering to himself.) They're conspiring together! Oh, why didn't I realise? The Examiner was right. They are evil! (Lesterson cautiously moves into the capsule. He is forced to bend forward, as he makes his way through one of the cramped corridors. Noticing a light ahead of him, Lesterson follows the corridor around a bend.) LESTERSON: (Noticing more Daleks.) There are four. They can't be reproducing! (As Lesterson moves through a number of doorways, he hears the sounds of activity a short distance ahead. Eventually, Lesterson reaches the end of corridor. A small glass panel is positioned on the wall. Staring through the panel, Lesterson gasps at the contents of the large chamber before him. Dozens of Daleks are gliding through the room - many of them are operating instrument panels. At one end of the room, a conveyor belt is moving through an archway. A bottom half of a Dalek casing suddenly appears on the conveyor. Lesterson watches as the casing moves forward, and is enveloped by a jet of steam. A few seconds later, the casing is covered by a foaming liquid. Lesterson watches in horror as another Dalek scoops up a bubbling green mass from within a glass globe, and places the mass inside the Dalek casing. The top half of the Dalek is then placed over the casing. Lesterson shrinks back terrified, as this procedure is repeated over and over again.) FIRST DALEK: Dalek nine complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. NEW DALEKS: (Repeated independently by each new Dalek over top of the methodical count.) We are the new race of Daleks! FIRST DALEK: Dalek ten complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek eleven complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek twelve complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek thirteen complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek fourteen complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek fifteen complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek sixteen complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek seventeen complete. SECOND DALEK: Check. FIRST DALEK: Dalek eighteen complete.	Plan: A: Scientist Lesterson; Q: Who discovers the Daleks plot to reproduce themselves? A: the Colony; Q: What do the Daleks want to take over? Summary: Scientist Lesterson discovers the Daleks plot to reproduce themselves and then seize control of the Colony.
[Willoughby. Pennsylvania.] (Elena parks the car and goes out. Rebekah follows her) Rebekah: Why are we stopping? Elena: We've searched 3 cities in the last 24 hours. I'm sick of top 40 radios, and I smell like leather Rebekah: And that's my fault? You are the one who stole the list of Katherine's possible whereabouts. Did you ever think that Damon had bad information? Elena: Have I mentioned I can't stand the sound of your voice? Rebekah: Too bad. We're not done. Get in. Next town Elena: In a minute. I'm hungry Rebekah: We're not here for a pub crawl, Elena. I want the cure. Katherine has it. We don't stop until we find her Elena: I said, in a minute (She sees a woman and gets closer) Woman: Oh, my god. You startled me Elena: Did I? (She's about to bite her) Woman: Katherine, what are you doing? (They are surprised) Elena: You know me? Woman: Of course. Um, I know most people around here prefer you to feed from the neck, but I asked you to drink from my wrist. Remember? Rebekah: Conniving little bitch compelled the whole town Elena: I think we just found Katherine. What's my full name? Woman: Katherine Pierce. I love the new 'do, by the way Rebekah: So how do you know Katherine? Woman: How do I know who? Elena: Me. How do you know me? Woman: Small town. Everybody knows everybody Rebekah: So everyone here knows Katherine Woman: I'm sorry. I don't know who you're talking about Rebekah: She compelled people to forget all about her unless she was talking to them herself. Clever girl Elena: How long have we known each other? Woman: Uh, it's been a while. I can't remember Elena: Where do I live? Where do I work? Woman: I don't know Elena: Who do I spend time with? Do I have any friends? Woman: Well, you said we could all be friends with you as long as we kept your secret Elena: What secret? Woman: I... I don't know [Middle of Nowhere] (Stefan and Damon have fond the car. Damon takes gasoline jerry cans from Stefan's car to full his car's tank) Damon: If they so much as even scratched the paint on my car... Stefan: Why don't you just be grateful sheriff Forbes was able to track down the car after you let them, uh... You know, steal it from you Damon: Remind me to send her some mini-muffins. Do we really need 10 gallons of gas or are you making me just lug this around as punishment? Stefan: Well, they ditched your car after it ran out of fuel. We got to fill it up. We got a hundred miles before we get to Willoughby Damon: Yeah, well, I don't remember that name from the list of places that I got in New York Stefan: Oh, the list. You mean the list they stole from right under your nose after you let your guard down? They'll be there. Sheriff Forbes tracked down the car they stole after yours Damon: Screw the muffins. I'll get her champagne if Elena is wherever it may be Stefan: Willoughby, cream corn capital of Pennsylvania. They'll be there. Let's just hope we get to them before they get to the cure Damon: Ooh, silver lining. If Rebekah takes the cure, then she's mortal. And then we can just kill her right then and there Stefan: Ooh, dark cloud. Elena stays a vampire forever. Look, why don't you just table the revenge fantasies for now and just keep your eye on the prize? Find Katherine, get the cure, get out before you get your neck snapped. Again Damon: Believe me, I learned my lesson. Elena without humanity is a stone cold bitch. And I won't trust her until we get the old Elena back Stefan: Look at that. We're finally on the same page about something Damon: Look at that [Klaus' Mansion] (Klaus is alone, shirtless and in pain. He has deeply scratched and damaged his back by trying to remove the piece of stake that's inside. He dislocates his shoulder and screams. Caroline enters) Caroline: Klaus? We need to talk. What happened to you? Klaus: Silas. He attacked me. He stabbed me with the white oak stake. A piece of it is still inside me Caroline: My God, Klaus, that could kill you Klaus: I certainly feel like I'm dying (She gets closer and touches his face) Caroline: And as much as I would love to watch you die, you still haven't found me that cure (Her attitude changes and he understands that it's not her) Klaus: Silas! Caroline: That's right. Last night I looked like Shane. Today I look like Caroline. And tomorrow, who knows? Klaus: Show me your real face Caroline: Now, why would I do that when I can look like whomever I want you to see? Resist me all you want, Klaus, but until you bring me the cure, I will bring you nothing but misery ("She" disappears) [Willoughby. Pennsylvania] (Elena and Rebekah go to the post office and see a man in front if it) Elena: Hey, excuse me. Um... Did I get any mail today? Man: What happened to your hair? Elena: I cut it Man: In the last two minutes? Elena: I was here two minutes ago? Man: Are you feeling ok, Ms. Pierce? Elena: Yeah. I'm...I'm fine. Um, thanks (He leaves) Elena: She was here two minutes ago. That means that she can't be that far. How about you check inside? I'll look in the parking lot Rebekah: Ok (They part. Elena thinks she just saw Katherine in a car and gets closer, while hiding, but it's not her. Katherine then grabs her and strangles her) Katherine: I'm impressed. I never thought you would find me here. Oh, well. It's a beautiful place to die (She's about to kill her but Rebekah intervenes and pushes her on the ground) Rebekah: I couldn't agree more. You've chosen a beautiful place to die (Rebekah, Elena and Katherine are in a dinner, sitting at a table) Elena: Where's the cure? Katherine: What, no "I'm here to avenge my annoying little brother" speech? Elena: People die. We move on Katherine: After turning off our humanity switch. So sad for the boys, though. Their special snowflake of human frailty... Gone. Well, if we're gonna be a while, I'm gonna go grab some menus (Rebekah sticks a fork in her hand) Rebekah: You're not going anywhere Katherine: I forgot how charming you were Rebekah: I'm surprised you remember me at all, seeing as though you were so busy wedging yourself between my brothers (The waitress arrives and sees Katherine and Elena) Waitress: Oh, my god. What happened? (Elena kicks Katherine under the table. Katherine compels the waitress) Katherine: I'm fine, Jolene. You didn't see anything (The waitress leaves) Elena: Every minute you two waste with your yapping is another minute we give Stefan and Damon to find us (Rebekah grabs Katherine's face and tries to compel her) Rebekah: Where's the cure? Katherine: I'm sorry. I'm on vervain Rebekah: Oh, I get to torture it out of you. Fun Katherine: Why do you two want it anyway? Rebekah: The question is, why do you want it? Let me guess. To kill Niklaus Katherine: I've spent the last 500 years running from your big brother. I have no intention of being within sniffing distance of him. But since it can be used against him, I'm sure he's just itching to get his hands on it. I give him the cure, he gives me my freedom Elena: Ohh, you poor victim. Where's the part of your plan where you screw us over and somebody dies? Katherine: I have no reason to screw you over. I know you don't believe me, but it is the truth. People change. I'm not the girl you think I am (Rebekah smiles and jumps on her. She searches her pocket and finds a phone and throws it at Elena) Katherine: I don't have it on me Rebekah: I didn't think you did, but I'm sure there's something in that that can help us find it (Elena looks into the phone) Elena: Who's Em? Katherine: A friend Elena: It says here you're meeting at 2:00. I guess I'll just have to meet Em myself (Rebekah smiles) [Klaus's Mansion] (Klaus is still in pain. Caroline enters the mansion) Caroline: I got your 50 bajillion messages. This better be life and death Klaus: Go away Caroline: Klaus? Where are you? (She enters and sees him) Caroline: What happened to you? Klaus: I need more time. Stop hounding me! Caroline: I'm hounding you?! I am supposed to be running 3 different prom committees right now and you keep phone stalking me Klaus: Caroline. Is it really you? Prove it to me Caroline: Ok. I don't know if this is some new way of flirting, but it sucks. And I have more important things to do (She's about to go) Klaus: Wait, please. Silas. He stabbed me with the white oak stake. There's a little piece of it stuck inside me Caroline: Why would Silas attack you? Klaus: Well, I was in no position to ask questions. Suffice it to say, I'm hurt. So you can understand why I called you Caroline: You ran Tyler out of town, you killed his mother, and you think I'm the person to call for help? Klaus: If I die, you, Tyler, all of your friends die with me Caroline: What do you want me to do? Klaus: Well, it's quite simple, really. I need you to cut the stake out of me (She follows his gaze and sees a pliers on the ground) [Willoughby. Pennsylvania] (Stefan and Damon have found Elena's and Rebekah' car) Damon: Something's not right. Katherine Pierce does not hole up in hicks town, p-a Stefan: Well, this is definitely the car they stole. We're in the right place Damon: Points to them for their choice in vehicles Stefan: So let me ask you something. What happens when we find Elena? How do we get her back to Mystic Falls? I mean, she's not exactly gonna go quietly. And she has an original vampire as her bodyguard Damon: We do whatever we have to do. I don't care if we have to throw Rebekah under a school bus and wrap Elena in a burlap sack. We do whatever we have to do Stefan: I'm serious Damon: I am, too. I don't care what Elena wants right now. She's this close to going off the rails for good. And that ain't happening. She's a pain enough as it is Stefan: So what happened to the guy who thought Elena should embrace being a vampire, let the chips fall where they may? Damon: That guy got his neck snapped in New York. And this guy is royally pissed off (Elena comes out of the restrooms and rejoins Katherine and Rebekah. She's changed her hair) Elena: What do you think? Rebekah: It's close. Not quite slutty enough. I think you need more eyeliner Elena: I'm gonna need your clothes Katherine: Yeah. That's gonna happen... Elena: Fine. Your bracelet, watch, earrings. Hand them over (She removes the fork. Katherine hands her jewelry to Elena) Elena: And your other bracelet Katherine: That's my daylight bracelet. It's daytime outside. I'm gonna need it. Besides, it's not gonna work on you Elena: Fine. I really am gonna need that jacket, though (Katherine is not convinced. Elena looks at Rebekah. She grabs Katherine by the hair) Katherine: All right. Fine, fine, fine (They exchange jackets) Katherine: This will never work, you know? The bad haircut, the doe eyes... You'll never pass for me (Elena mimics her) Elena: You'll never pass for me Rebekah: Throatier and more mannish Elena: You'll never pass for me Katherine: You two are pathetic (Elena mimics her again) Elena: You two are pathetic Rebekah: Oh, perfect. Just the right level of contempt and hidden insecurity Elena: Almost there. Something's missing (She's thinking and she finally looks at Katherine's shoes) Elena: Your shoes. I want your shoes (Elena is alone, waiting for em. She's wearing Katherine's shoes and jacket) Elena: Come on, Em (Rebekah is alone with Katherine in the dinner) Rebekah: Mm. You know, it's funny. I've always been a little envious of the legend that is Katherine Pierce, the way you could wrap a man around your little finger, the way Elijah betrayed Klaus for you, the way the Salvatore brothers stumbled head over heels for you. And yet here we are all these years later in a town that you've had to compel into liking you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't laugh. It's really more sad than funny Katherine: You know you can't split the cure with Elena, right? Rebekah: She doesn't want to Katherine: Oh, no? But you do. You want to take it. Are you really that dumb or just naturally blonde? Rebekah: I want a normal life again Katherine: You mean you want a do-over. Well, guess what. You can't have it. The cure will only take away your immortality. Everything else you hate about yourself, you'll still wake up with that in the morning. And you won't even be able to compel yourself a friend (She tries to eat a piece of Rebekah's cake but Rebekah catches her arm and twists it. Stefan and Damon sit down next to them) Stefan: Ladies, playing nice? Katherine: There goes the neighborhood Damon: I see you got Katherine already. You're losing your touch, evil one Stefan: Where's Elena? (Elena is still waiting) Elijah: Katerina Elena: Elijah. You're a little late, aren't you? Elijah: You colored your hair. I like it Elena: Thank you. I was actually gonna... (He kisses her) Elijah: I missed you Elena: And I've missed you Elijah: This is an interesting little town you've chosen to settle down in. So do you have it with you? Elena: Do I have what? Elijah: The cure Elena: It's in a safe place. Why don't I go and get it and then I'll bring it back? (She's about to go but he catches her arm) Elijah: Where's Katherine, Elena? (Katherine is smiling. The Salvatore's are still here) Rebekah: So let me get this straight, I tell you where Elena is, you shove the cure down her throat, and then I end up in a box, right? I don't think so Damon: What about you over there, smiley? Do you know where she is? Katherine: I can give you a hint. Start by looking at the town morgue. She's probably dead. She went to meet up with a friend of mine. You may know him... An original brother. Impeccable taste Rebekah: Elijah? Damon: Elijah's here? Stefan: Well, you sort of have to question Elijah's impeccable taste if he's friends with you Katherine: Oh, when I say friend, I mean "Friend" (They understand what she means and they're all disgusted) Katherine: It probably took him about 10 seconds to realize that she wasn't me, at which point he probably yanked her heart right out of her chest Stefan: All right. Where are they? (She doesn't answer and smiles. He looks at Rebekah) Stefan: Rebekah, you do realize if something should happen to Elena, you have no chance of finding the cure, right? Rebekah: Fine. They were supposed to meet at the gazebo by the park Stefan: I'll go talk to Elijah Rebekah: You deal with Elijah. Katherine will take us to the cure Katherine: No, she won't. The cure's my one chance to win my freedom back from Klaus Damon: You're gonna broker a deal with Klaus? Stefan: No. She's gonna get Elijah to broker a deal for her. That's why you need your little friend, isn't it? Some things never change, Katherine Damon: Nope Katherine: Fine. Move. You have to follow me [Klaus's Mansion] (Caroline is looking inside Klaus's wound with the pliers) Caroline: Oh, my god. You do have a heart. Oh, my bad. It's just a bloody rib Klaus: Well, I'm glad you're finding my misery so amusing Caroline: I swear there's nothing in here. And if you think I'm having fun, you're insane Klaus: You killed 12 witches for your friend Bonnie. You can't even get your hands a little dirty for me. Here I thought we were becoming friends Caroline: Well, you thought wrong (She hurts him while looking into the wound. He screams) Caroline: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry (She stops) Caroline: You know what? I'm not sorry. You deserve to suffer for everything that you've done. So today, we're gonna do things my way. You want my help? You let Tyler come back to town, and give me your word that you will not hurt him [Willoughby. Pennsylvania] (Stefan goes to the park but Elena and Elijah are nowhere to be seen. He takes his phone and calls someone) Elijah: Katerina? Stefan: Hello. Elijah? Elijah: Where is Katherine? Stefan: Where's Elena? Elijah: Safe. How long she remains so depends upon you Stefan: Well, I guess the same goes for Katherine Elijah: Katherine can take care of herself against the two of you Stefan: Oh. You mean the three of us 'cause your little sister decided to join team good guys for the time being Elijah: Put her on the phone Stefan: Oh, she's not here right now. I left her with Damon and Katherine Elijah: Tell me where they are Stefan: Relax. No one's gonna get hurt as long as Katherine hands over the cure Elijah: Do you understand how much my sister despises Katherine? I assure you, Rebekah will end her the moment she ceases to be of use Stefan: Well, just tell me where you are, and we can talk this through Elijah: You listen to me very carefully, Stefan. If anything whatsoever happens to Katherine, I will descend upon Elena (He hangs up) (Elena is with Elijah in a remote place) Elena: You're both idiots Elijah: Excuse me? Elena: Ugh. What happened to you, Elijah? I mean, I thought you were supposed to be a man of honor. And yet you've been hooking up with Katherine this entire time? Elijah: Well, I suppose this man of honor always shared a connection with Katherine. She contacted me when she learned about the cure. We thought we could be of mutual use to one another Elena: "Of mutual use"? Please. You fell for her trap just like every other one of those idiots Elijah: You underestimate me, Elena. I know who she is. I know what she's done Elena: And you think she's changed? She's playing you. She lied to you, Elijah Elijah: She didn't lie to me about your transformation. You're not just a vampire, though, are you? There's something else. You...you're not yourself. You've abandoned your emotions. Why? Elena: My brother's dead. Your girlfriend killed him (He seems surprised) Elena: You didn't know? Of course you didn't Elijah: She lied Elena: I hate to say I told you so, but... Duh! (Rebekah, Damon and Katherine enter her house) Damon: No sudden moves. No tricks either. No katherine-ing. A quilt and a fish aquarium. Who the hell are you? Rebekah: A very old lady with dreadful taste (Katherine opens a safe and looks inside) Katherine: It's gone. The cure, it was in the safe, but it's not there Damon: Not falling for it. Where is it, Katherine? Katherine: I swear it was in the safe Damon: What just like Elijah's really your boyfriend and this is really your life? And for all we know, this isn't even your house. It doesn't look like the Katherine I know Katherine: Maybe you don't know Katherine at all. Did it even occur to you that you have no idea who I really am? Damon: Did it even occur to you that you're not that deep? This whole small-town girl thing, we know it's an act Rebekah: Where is the cure? (Katherine doesn't answer and smiles. Rebekah rushes towards her but Damon stops her) Damon: Whoa, whoa. Hang on. We need her alive. The cure's not here. You check upstairs. I'll check down. I got this (Rebekah leaves the room) Damon: So if I was a paranoid, distrustful sociopath, where would I keep my most prized possession? Katherine: This should be fun Damon: Because I'd want it to be close, but not on me. Accessible but not obvious. I'd want to keep it safe, but not so safe that it'd be too difficult to grab and run (He looks at the aquarium) Damon: Well, that is a fancy little treasure chest in a tank with no fish. I think I'm gonna have to check that out (He swoops his arm inside but it's full of vervain) Damon: Vervain water. Looks like we have a winner (He removes his arm and takes a landing net but Katherine jumps on him, puts his head in the aquarium and throws him on the floor. His face burns and he screams. She takes the cure inside and is about to leave but Rebekah stops her) Rebekah: Give it to me or you're dead Katherine: You're gonna kill me anyway. So what's more important to you, huh? Killing me or getting the cure? (She throws the cure in the air and leaves. Rebekah catches it and looks at it in wonder) Damon: Look, Rebekah... Don't even think about it. Let's just talk about this, like the two rational vampires that we are. Rebekah? Rebekah: Oh, give it a rest. Me taking this cure is the best thing that'll ever happen to you Damon: Don't do anything stupid Rebekah: Admit it. You don't want human Elena running back to Stefan whilst you're left out in the cold again. Go on, Damon. Tell me why you want Elena to have the cure (He doesn't answer and she smiles. She opens it and Stefan enters. She drinks it) Stefan: No! (She collapses on the couch) [SCENE_BREAK] [Klaus's mansion] (Klaus is in pain. Caroline just stands, looking at him) Klaus: I can feel the splinters moving towards my heart. Help me! Caroline: Your word first Klaus: And what makes you think I won't simply break my word? Caroline: You want to be friends? Friendship-stage one. Show me that I can trust you Klaus: I saved your life... twice Caroline: Because you put it in danger... twice. Why can't you just do something decent for once? Klaus: Because Tyler Lockwood tried to kill me Caroline: We've all tried to kill you. And you've tried to kill most of us. How do you think that you deserve my friendship when you've done nothing to earn it? Klaus: I will not have my hand forced by you or anyone else! Caroline: What is wrong with you? I'm reaching out to you despite everything that you have done, and you still can't get out of your own way. God! I feel sorry for you (She's about to leave) Klaus: Don't turn your back on me! Caroline: I should have turned my back on you ages ago! Klaus: It's gone Caroline: What? Klaus: The pain. The pain is gone. It was... it was never there. He got in my head. Silas... got inside my head. You took my mind off it. You brought me back, Caroline Caroline: If Silas can make you, of all people, believe that you're dying... What can he do to the rest of us? [Willoughby. Pennsylvania] (Rebekah is still unconscious and Stefan is next to her. Damon is healed.) Stefan: Did you even try to stop her? Damon: You forgot the part where I was bobbing for boxes in vervain water Stefan: All you had to do was stall her, Damon Damon: Sorry. It's Rebekah. I didn't have a pony to distract her, Stefan Stefan: You let her take it, didn't you? You were never on my side. Now Elena will be a vampire for the rest of her life just like you wanted (Rebekah wakes up) (Elena is still with Elijah) Elijah: I know what it feels like to lose a brother. I'm sorry for your pain. I... I only hope that you can find your way back to yourself someday Elena: Just like you hope Katherine will find her way back? You still think that innocent girl you saved from Klaus ages ago is in there somewhere Elijah: I'd like to think so, yes Elena: She's not. She's a monster now, Elijah. The sweet peasant girl you fell in love with way back when is dead and she's not coming back Elijah: I'm not a fool, Elena. Of course this has occurred to me, but what kind of man would I be if I didn't try to find my Katerina beneath this Katherine facade? Elena: You boys are all the same. Damon and Stefan still think that the girl they love is still in here somewhere, too Elijah: You can't blame them for having hope, Elena. It'd be a shame if the world lost a soul as compassionate as yours Elena: "Your compassion is a gift, Elena. Carry it with you always and forever." I remember reading that in a letter once Elijah: Well, the writer sounds positively gifted. I'm sure he meant what he wrote Elena: I'm sure he did. And it felt good to watch that letter burn along with my old life and along with Jeremy's body (Her neck is broken and she falls on the ground. Katherine is behind, smiling) Katherine: Sorry. I got held up (Rebekah is awake. Stefan and Damon look at her) Stefan: How do you feel? Rebekah: I...I feel good. I... I feel great. I feel alive Damon: Slight problem with being alive... I can kill you now (He throws a paper knife at her but she catches it easily. She bleeds and then the cut heals. She can't believe it) Rebekah: I'm still a vampire. The cure didn't work Stefan: It worked just like she wanted it to. The cure was a fake. It must have been a concentrated shot of vervain or something Damon: Katherine... (Katherine is about to leave without glancing at Elena. Elijah is bent next to her body. Katherine stops and looks at him) Katherine: Oh, come on. She could use a nap. It must be exhausting trying to be me Elijah: You killed Jeremy Gilbert Katherine: Yes, Elijah. I killed Jeremy Gilbert. A bombshell, I'm sure she just couldn't wait to drop on you. Ironic, since she supposedly doesn't care about anything Elijah: I care. Do you honestly feel nothing for this girl, a girl fated to live the same life that you've endured? And now you've just taken away the last of her family, just as yours was taken away from you Katherine: Uh, why are you looking at me like I enjoyed it? Jeremy was collateral damage. I was doing what I needed to do to survive Elijah: Is that what I am, too? A means of survival? Katherine: Don't let sweet little Elena get to you. She hates me. She wants you to turn against me and convince you that I can't be trusted Elijah: I asked you a question Katherine: No. Of course you're not a means of survival. You looked out for me when I had no one. You're giving me a second chance now when no one else will. I love you Elijah. You don't believe me Elijah: I want to. It's my disease. I just keep wanting to believe you, but how can I when at every turn; you give me reason to doubt you? I don't know you. I don't know that I ever will Katherine: Wait. You gave me your word that you would talk to Klaus. I... I can't make a deal without you Elijah: Good-bye, Katherine (He leaves) (Katherine is at a house. The woman that Elena spoke to earlier opens the door) Woman: Katherine, hey. What brings you by at this hour? Katherine: I came to retrieve my package Woman: Oh. Of course. Like I said, your secret would be safe here (She goes inside and comes back with a little box. She gives it to Katherine. She opens it and the cure is inside) Woman: Hey, um... all the secrecy. Can I ask, what is it? Katherine: It's my freedom (Elijah is walking alone. Katherine rejoins him) Katherine: Wait Elijah: What do you want? Katherine: To tell you that you're right. I've spent so much time running and lying just to survive that I don't... I'm starting to believe my own lies. I don't even remember who I was when we first met. And I want to find out (She takes the box) Elijah: You have the cure Katherine: Yeah. And I can shove this down Klaus's throat and try to kill him, but even if I manage to do it... I'd lose you. And I don't want that to happen Elijah: How do I know this isn't another lie? Katherine Pierce deceiving yet another man Katherine: Because I meant what I said about my feelings for you. And I'd like to think that you feel something for me, too. I need you to trust me. I want you to trust me... Just like I'm trusting you (She gives him the box) Katherine: You don't owe me anything. I'm gonna let you decide where we go from here (She leaves and he opens the box) (Elijah goes to his car. Rebekah is there, waiting for him) Rebekah: You and Katherine? And I thought you were the smart brother Elijah: You don't have a smart brother. It turns out I'm just as stupid as the rest of you Rebekah: Why don't you just give me the cure so I can judge you silently elsewhere? Elijah: And what could you possibly want with the cure? Rebekah: I want to be human again Elijah: How do you know that being human is the answer you're looking for? I mean, it's nothing but a romantic notion. The grass won't necessarily be greener, Rebekah Rebekah: You're probably right. But I don't care. I want to live a simple life as a normal person. And when it ends, it ends. We've had 20 lifetimes together, Elijah. Isn't that enough? Elijah: I just don't understand. I mean, why must you always consider our family a burden? Always and forever. I mean, those words are as important to me today as they ever were Rebekah: You will always be my brother. And I will never stop loving you. But now it's time for me to live and die the way that I choose, not the way you and Nik want me to. Please. Please just give me the cure (The phone rings. She answers) Rebekah: What do you want, Nik? Klaus: An update on our search for the elusive cure Rebekah: Let's just say that things have gotten complicated. In fact, why don't you speak to one of those complications? Here (She hands the phone to Elijah) Elijah: Complication speaking Klaus: Big brother. At last you join the fray Elijah: Somebody had to take charge. And now that I have, I've got the cure and I'm bringing it back to Mystic Falls Klaus: With a long list of demands, I assume Elijah: Not that long Klaus: Come home, brother. We'll settle this like family [Klaus' Mansion] (He hangs up. Caroline is still there) Caroline: I used all your bleach Klaus: Thank you for helping me Caroline: Yeah. Well, if you need anything else... don't call me. I have a prom to plan Klaus: Friends then? Caroline: Are you gonna let Tyler come back into town? Klaus: You might have noticed... I'm not exactly scouring the earth for him, am I? (She looks at him and leaves. He smiles) [Willoughby. Pennsylvania] (Stefan and Damon are walking) Damon: All right. You're right. I let Rebekah take the cure. I thought for a second... I mean, literally just a second... if Rebekah takes this, then all my problems go away. And I couldn't think of one good reason to give it to Elena. And then Rebekah took it. And I realized how badly I screwed up Stefan: So what's your point, Damon? Damon: My point is, I'm sorry, ok? I had a moment of weakness, Stefan. It's my thing. It's like you and I falling for the same girl. It's our thing Stefan: Was our thing. Look, we've been making the same mistakes for 150 years. We can judge Katherine all we want, but we keep repeating our own history just like she is. Nothing ever changes. It has to stop, Damon Damon: What are you talking about? Stefan: I'm done. I can't keep reliving my life like this. I owe Elena her shot at being normal again. Once we give her the cure, I'm getting her out of my life and I'm getting a life of my own Damon: Okay. Okay, let's just...get the cure and then we'll talk about you riding off into the sunset all by you lonesome Stefan: You still want to get the cure. Even if that means you might lose her Damon: It's a chance I'm willing to take, Stefan Stefan: Guess all we have to do is convince her (They enter a dinner. Elena is sitting alone at a table) Waitress: Sit anywhere you like (They rejoin Elena at her table) Stefan: Are you all right? Damon: What's up with the silent treatment? You are the one that texted us, wanted to meet up Elena: You know I don't want the cure. You need to know that I never will and I'm done talking about it. So... Will you accept that? And let me be who I am or not? Damon: Yeah, no Stefan: Elena, this isn't you Elena: It is now. And you two really need to accept it. 'Cause if you don't, there will be consequences Stefan: Listen, I was in the exact same situation that you are in right now. My emotions were off, I wasn't me. And you refused to accept that. You didn't give up on me. You didn't stop until you pulled me back (The waitress comes back) Waitress: Let me just top that up for you Elena: Thanks (Elena gets up and snaps her neck, killing her. The boys are shocked) Damon: Oh...! Elena: Like I said, consequences. That's one body you are responsible for. If you keep trying to fix me, there'll be a second, a twentieth, and a hundred. It's your choice (She leaves. Damon looks at Stefan) Damon: Still want to ride off into the sunset?	Plan: A: Elena; Q: Who pretends to be Katherine with Elijah? A: Katherine; Q: Who tricked Rebekah and Damon? A: the entire town; Q: Who has Katherine compelled? A: an eye; Q: What does Rebekah keep on Katherine? A: Soon, Stefan; Q: When do Stefan and Damon arrive? A: Damon; Q: Who tries to convince Rebekah not to take the cure? A: her house; Q: Where did Rebekah and Damon go with Katherine to get the cure? A: vervain water; Q: What is in the fish tank that contains the cure? A: Damon's head; Q: What part of Damon did Katherine dunk in the water to temporarily incapacitate him? A: one good reason; Q: What does Rebekah tell Damon to give her before she takes the cure? A: the vial; Q: What does Rebekah drink from? A: consciousness; Q: What does Rebekah lose when she drinks the cure? A: a vampire; Q: What does Rebekah learn she is still? A: Klaus; Q: Who calls Rebekah and asks about her progress? A: the phone; Q: What does Rebekah give to Elijah? A: Mystic Falls; Q: Where is Elijah on his way to? Summary: Rebekah and Elena find Katherine in Willoughby, PA, where Katherine has compelled the entire town. While Elena pretends to be Katherine with Elijah, Rebekah keeps an eye on Katherine. Soon, Stefan and Damon arrive. Rebekah and Damon go with Katherine to her house to get the cure. While Rebekah searches the house, Damon finds that the cure is contained in a fish tank filled with vervain water. Katherine dunks Damon's head in the water and temporarily incapacitates him. Katherine distracts Rebekah by tossing the cure into the air and making a run for it. Damon, still weak from the vervain, tries to convince Rebekah not to take the cure, but Rebekah tells him to give her one good reason why he wants Elena to take it. Damon does not answer. Rebekah drinks from the vial, just as Stefan arrives too late, and loses consciousness. When she awakens, even though she states that she feels human, she quickly learns that she is still a vampire and that Katherine tricked them. Later, Rebekah meets with Elijah and asks him to give her the cure stating that she wants to be human. Klaus then calls her and asks about her progress. She gives the phone to Elijah, who tells Klaus that he has the cure and is on his way back to Mystic Falls. Rebekah and Elijah leave together.
Flash back: Brooke: Got it, let's get out of here! Principal Turner: Ohh, ohh, what do we have here? Haley: Principal Turner is jsut really pissed right now, he's on a major witchunt. You're like prime suspect. Brooke: Why would you do that? Rachel: You're my friend Brooke. Peyton: You know I love him, but I never meant for my love for him to hurt you. Brooke: Thank you Peyton. Mouth: I could kiss you for ever. Shelly: I'm a Clean Teen. I'm the Clean Teen! This was goodbye. Rachel: Chase is into smart-born-again-virgin Brooke, not stupid-sluty-who-cheated-on-the-calculus-test Brooke. Brooke: I could easily have sx with him if I wanted to. Everyone: Party! Haley: That is for getting me fired, and that is for trying to sleep with my husband. Brooke on TV: Come on I can't believe I'm doing this, I would die if anybody knows this Nathan. Nathan on TV: Don't worry. No one will ever know. Two years earlier: Bevin: I think the lime went in my shirt! Nathan: I'll get it later. Thanks buddy, hey you're next, let's go. Hey! Baby come here. I need [...] Peyton: Why don't you spit in my mouth next time, it would be sexier! Nathan: Hey! What is your problem? Peyton: Well you mean Iwhy I won't let you mouth me in front of the entire basketball team after you almost made out with half of the cheerleading squad? Nathan: Yeah, pretty much. Peyton: I am so sick of this! All you care about is getting drunk and having sx! Hey! Nathan: You left out basketball. Peyton: No. I left out that you're an inconsidering bstrd and we are through. Nathan: For ten minutes this time or until tomorrow, I didn't know how to plan by night. Peyton: How is for ever more? Now you can screw all the [...] you want. Brooke: I'm drunk. Nathan: Peyton dumped me. Brooke: So you guys really broke up? Nathan: Yeah. Need another drink? Brooke: No. Nathan: Oh, never mind, you're good. Brooke: What are you doing? Nathan: Oh, just have a little fun, don't worry. Brooke: Just promise you'll erase it. Nathan: Done. Brooke on TV: Hold on. No, I can't believe i'm doing this. I would die if anybody knows this Nathan. Nathan on TV: Don't worry. No one will ever know. Brooke: Peyton, I don't know what to... GENERIC Rachel: Well, it cold have been worse. You could have got your ass kicked by a pregant girl of half your size. Brooke: The day is still young. Rachel: Right, so I have to ask: who's really the big brother? Brooke: Rachel! I can't believe I have a black eye the day of prom. You know if it wasn't for you everybody would be calling me Queen of Slut right now. Rachel: After I talk to Principal Turner, you might just have the title. I have to get my punishment for stealing the test. Maybe he'll spank me. Brooke: I wish you'd let me go with you. I'm the one who was failing. Rachel: That's not a good idea. See, this problem calls for little clothes and lots of flirting, and no one wants to flirt with a one-eyed girl. No offense. Huh, haven't you seen enough of Brooke last night? Or you're here for the deleted scenes? Lucas: How are you holding up? Brooke: I never meant for it to happen Luke, I was just really drunk and, Peyton broke up with Nathan, and, have I mentioned I was like really, really drunk? How mad is she? Lucas: She was still pretty upset when I left her last night. Brooke: You think? Lucas: It could be worse, you could be Nathan right now. Nathan: Haley, please, come out. Hey. Haley: Why didn't you tell me about Brooke ever? Really, I mean, did you just wanna like not ruin the suprise of me seeing it on tape in front of our entire class? Nathan: No, I didn't tell you because it happened a long time ago and it didn't mean anything. Haley: If it didn't mean anything then why did you put it on tape? And why do, why do you keep the tape? Do you like use it? Nathan: No! I forgot I even had it! I didn't tell you because it happened before I met you. I didn't think it would do any good to bring up the past. Haley: You know this is just the worst time for something like this to happen. Nathan: Because of prom tonight? Haley: Not because of prom, because I'm pregnant and I'm [...], and now that you mention it, I do have to go help decorate because I promised Brooke! Nathan: Haley I'm really sorry. Haley: Yeah. Welcome home Mrs Scott! Deb: I'm sorry I left the house like this. Nathan: Whatever mom, just clean it up. Lucas: You're still upset? Peyton: No something like that you forget about pretty quick! Lucas: Dumb question, I guess. Hopeful prom will take your mind off this whole thing. Peyton: Yeah, should be fun. Maybe my cheating ex-boyfriend will ask me to dance or I'll get to share some punch with my whore of an ex-friend. Lucas: I know this sucks, ok, but you shouldn't let it ruin the prom. Peyton: No, it shouldn't but it does. Lucas: For what it's worth, I saw Brooke this morning, and she feels horrible about it. Peyton: So the first thing you did this morning was go and see Brooke? Lucas: It was on the way! Peyton: Yeah, you know what else is on the way, my front door, shut it when you leave. Brooke: That really did happen. I always kinda pretend that it was just a bad dream. Nathan: No, that happened. Brooke: I guess it's easy for you to remember it since you have a tape that you can watch over and over and over again. Nathan: I never watched the tape, Brooke. I didn't even know it was still around. I just destroyed it this morning. Brooke: Great. That's gonna help everyone else to see it. Nathan: I know. I'm sorry. Brooke: It's not all your fault Nate, I mean, my memory of that night is hazy at best, but I'm pretty positive you didn't have a gun up to my head. Nathan: I know it was only two years ago, but it feels like a different lifetime. Brooke: Hey, I know eactly how you feel. I'm not proud of who I used to be either. God. How's Haley. Nathan: I spent the night apologizing to our bedroom door. And when she finally did come out it was to tell me that she had to decorate for prom. Why aren't you there? Brooke: Because Haley's there, and Peyton's there, and I'm gonna avoid seing them until the last possible second. Nathan: Well, I need to go make my rounds. I've got a lot of apologizing to do today. Brooke: Yeah, I'll tell her you came by. Nathan: No. Don't. Please. Brooke: Okay. Nathan: Anyway, like I said, I'm sorry. Brooke: Me too. I guess when you get drunk and have sx at a party you do have to deal with it eventually. Mouth: Hey, Shelly, it's Mouth. Plesae, call me back. It's huh, it's Mouth. Brooke: Sorry I'm late. Haley: That's what you're apologizing for? Brooke: Well i'm sorry about the other thing too, but... Haley: Were you gonna tell me about you and Nathan ever? Brooke: Honestly no. Haley we didn't know each other back then and when am I supposed to bring something like that, at a basketball game? R.A.V.E.N.S. Ps I slept with your husband once a long time ago? Haley: I guess. Bevin: You really shouldn't be upset. Nathan used to hook up with everyone! Brooke: Bev... Peyton: Duck, duck, duck, bitch. Brooke: Peyton. Peyton I am so sorry okay, what else do you want me to say? Peyton: Oh I want you to say 'punch me in the face again Peyton, please, I deserve it'. Brooke: Okay. You're not exactly perfect here either. Peyton: Oh that's right you cut me out of your life, made me feel guilty for kissing Lucas, when you were screwing Nathan behind my back! Brooke: And you guys were broken up. Peyton: You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. But you're a backstarving whore and you know it. Hey! Good luck with your cheating girlfriend. Nathan: Hey. I just went to school to find you and Bevin says you left. Haley: Well Bevin doesn't know when to shut up! Nathan: What are you doing? Haley: These are all the tapes that I can find, cause the thought of you brooking yourself to yourself and Brooke really makes me sick. Nathan: Baby, there are not anymore tapes. Haley: Really, because Bevin says that you've been with a lot of girls, so I'm thinking you probably put yourself on tape with at least one or two of them. Nathan: Hey, Bevin doesn't know when to shut up. Haley: Okay, okay, you know, you know what I want? Here's what I want. I want a list of every girl that you've ever been with. So there won't be anymore surprises. Nathan: You want me to write a list of every single girl I've eve..? Haley: No, no I guess not every single girl you can cross Peyton, Brooke and my sister off of that list! Nathan: Look you really think that's a good idea? Haley: Yeah and you know what, here! I'll make it easy for you! Take the phone book, and just cross off the name of every girl you haven't been with! Nathan: I don't wanna do this. Haley: Why? I can give you mine. You! See? That wasn't so hard! Lucas: Hey... You were right. I should have talked to you first, I'm sorry. Peyton: It's ok. Lucas: I like the red dress. Peyton: You won. It's Brooke's. Lucas: Why do you have it? Peyton: So she doesn't. Lucas: Okay, don't you think stealing Brooke's prom dress is going a little bit too far? Peyton: No. I think going a little too far is making your friend feel like a whore when you've done worse. Lucas: Didn't we kinda do the same thing to her? Peyton: We had sx? That's funny I don't really remember it, it must not have been very good! Lucas: We didn't have sx, but, we did sneak around behind her back. Peyon: Do you ever, actually defend the person you're dating? Lucas: Look, Peyton, I know you're upset, okay, but I also know that you can take the high road. This is completely beneath you! Peyton: Like Nathan beneath Brooke or was that Brooke beneath Nathan? Brooke: Can you lit it? Mouth: Hi Brooke. You ok? Brooke: Oh I don't know, is it ok that million dollar bitchy gave me a black eye the day of my senior prom? Mouth: No. Brooke: Is it ok that Peyton went after Lucas not once but twice, while we were dating? Mouth: No. Brooke: Yeah. Is it ok that she chased Chase off by screaming at me in front of everyone? Mouth: 'Chase Chase'. Brooke: Why is this funny? Mouth: It's not. Is there anything I can do? Brooke: Yeah. Actually you could push Peyton in front of a bus for me! Mouth: I'm just gonna go over there! Lucas: Wow, please tell me one of these dresses isn't Brooke's. Karen: No, actually Dan is chaperonning at the prom and he asked me to chaperon with me. Lucas: You wanna go to my prom with the guy who left you right after yours. Karen: Look we're just going as friends. What are you doing? Lucas: I'm looking for my real mom. Karen: Look, I, I just thought it would be fun. But, if it's gonna upset you, I guess I'll just stay home alone another night. I'm used to it. I've done it for seventeen years. Nathan: What are you doing? Dan: Oh Nathan I didn't hear you come in. Nathan: There's no wonder I can't dance. Dan: I [...] you need someting? Nathan: I scewed up, and, huh, if there's something you know about it's screwing up. Dan: You left out basketball. Nathan: Dad it's pretty bad this time. Dan: Daunte bad or fail test bad? Nathan: 'Me and Brooke made a sx tape a few years back and it just got out' bad. Dan: Brooke Davis? Nice. Nathan: and now, Haley wants me to write a list of everygirl I've ever slept with. Dan: Oh, no. Bad idea. That would just make things worse. Give her some time, she'll calm down but do not write that list Nathan. I wouldn't. Nathan: I'll write the list. Oh, no, no, I thought that's what you wanted. Haley: No, no, thats' not what I wanted. I wanted you not to be able to write a list. How am I supposed to compete with all the girls that you've been with. Nathan: You don't have to compete with all the girls. Haley: All the girls? How many girls have you slept with Fabio? Nathan: I don't know, I never thought about it. Haley: Honey, that is why I asked you to write the list in the first place, so please just do what I'm asking you to! Brooke: Hi. Chase: Hey. Sorry I couln't talk really I was just thinking about what happened. Brooke: It's ok. I'm sorry my past keeps coming back to haunt us. I have a lot of skeletons in my closet and aparently half of them are naked. Chase: I've been able to accept a lot of your history Brooke, but you know mine too. You know that my bestfriend slept with my girlfriend just like you slept with Peyton's boyfriend. Brooke: No it wasn't like that, they broke up, and... Chase: I know prom is important to you so we can still go, but after that we can't be together. Brooke: Then it should just be over now cause I don't wanna go to prom with someone who doesn't wanna be with me. Chase: You said no more surprises. I'm sorry. Brooke: Open up Peyton! Peyton: Or what you'll huff and puff and blow my house down? Brooke: Yes. Chase broke up with me are you happy now? Peyton: I don't know, did you tape it? Brooke: That thing with Nathan and I happened a long time ago Peyton and you guys were broken up. Peyton: Well in case you don't remember Nathan and I broke up all the time! Brooke: Oh, really, how could I forget, that's all that your relashionship ever was Peyton, just a string of miserable one night stands thrown together. Peyton: There you described your life with like every guy in Tree Hill. Brooke: It was one time and it meant nothing! Peyton: Well that mean something to Chase, and it meant something to me! Brooke: You know what meant something to me? You and Lucas having an ongoing affair behind my back! Because PS, we weren't broken up either time that you went after him! Peyton: Okay, you're right, my fault. You see I was stupid cause I thought I ruined our friendship, when you ruined it a long time ago, we were never friends. Brooke: Oh, get...! Lucas: Hey. Nathan: Hey. You're the next stop on the Nathan Scott apology tour. Lucas: I thought that tour was sold out! Nathan: Are you pissed about the tape? Lucas: No, actually I was relieved to know it wasn't you and Peyton. Could it have been you and Peyton? Nathan: Look is it makes you feel any better, Haley destroyed every other tapes in the house. Lucas: She's pretty upset huh? Nathan: Well she's still talking to me, so that's something. And so are you, so, does that mean we're cool? Lucas: Oh, yeah man, we're cool. I already knew you were an ass back then! Oh you know what? Speaking of... our dad asked my mom to prom. Nathan: That explains the dancing. Does she wanna go? Lucas: Yeah! It's a bad idea, right? Nathan: Well six monhs ago I would have said 'Hell yeah!', but, now I'm not so sure. Lucas: Why, what's changed? Nathan: Dan has! He took the blame for Daunte, I mean, he was ready to spend the rest of his life in jail for something he didn't do! Lucas: But does that change everything he's done in he past? Nathan: No. No it doesn't but, if your mom was ready to give him a second change, then, maybe you should too. I have a lot of people to apologise to so... Lucas: Yeah. Nathan: Hey, your mom's pretty smart Luke, and besides, it's her life. Skills: Man you can't just leave a message about not going to prom and just hang up. Mouth: If Shelly's not going I'm not going either. Skills: Oh look dude I'm sorry about Shelly man. But this is your last prom. You're gonna just let some girl take that away from you? Mouth: She wasn't some girl she was the girl. Skills: Yeah she was the girl and she broke up with you. Which means she wasn't the girl. Mouth: It isn't really making me feel any better. Skills: I'm not trying to make you feel better, I'm trying to make you to go to prom. Look, Fergie and Jung, they're going to prom, you think they got date? No. Prom isn't gonna be about it dude, maybe it's about just, having a good time with your friends! Mouth: Oh, I never wanna get the word 'friend' again. At my funeral, on my tumbstone we'll probably read 'Marvin McFadden, friend'. Skills: Yeah and the place'll probably be packed cause everybody love you dude. Besides, it's probably better than 'Here lies Mouth, the guy was a jack-ass'. You're going to prom, man. [SCENE_BREAK] Rachel: What's up, [...]? When does [...] start? Brooke: Shut it squeeks. Thanks to Peyton, Chase broke up with me. Rachel: So it's her fault now? Didn't you f*** her BF when you too were BFFs? Brooke: They were broken up! Rachel: Well, maybe Chase just doesn't want to go to prom with someone who looks taugher than him. Brooke: Oh no he said prom had nothing to deal with it. He said he'd still go with me but when it was over so were we. Rachel: Sounds like Cinderella. Except the prince is a virgin and the pumpkin is... a fatter pumpkin. Brooke: Yeah? Which evil step-sister are you? Rachel: The one that got expelled. And FWI: I think Turner might ba gay. Lucas: Ouhh, you're gonna get revenge? Haley: No, I was just cleaning up around here, this place seems dirtier somehow. Lucas: Ahhh, remember when we thought how coller it would be to hang out with the popular kids? Haley: I don't think I ever said that mister Lucas Sawyer. Lucas: Somebody wrote that on my notebook! Haley: Ohh ok. How's Peyton? Lucas: Not well. I don't get it you know, it's been two years, she's acting like it just happened! Haley: Luke ,she just found out about it for her it did just happen. Lucas: Still, she shouldn't be this upset. Haley: Luke, it sucks to be betrayed by somebody that you love, but then to find out in front of everybody is really humiliating. You need to be nice to her. Lucas: Wow! Who says I'm not being nice? Haley: Well, however nice you're being, it's not enough. You've got to let her know that you're there for her and that you're nothing like her ex-boyfriend. Lucas: Nodded. But for the record, Nathan's nothing like your ex-boyfriend either. Haley: Nodded. Mouth: I heard you got expelled. I'm sorry. Rachel: My parents are flying me first class to meet them on vacation. I'll finally get to spend some time with them. Just had to get kicked out of school to do it... again. Mouth: Maybe that why you do it. Aren't you gonna say goodbye to everyone? Rachel: Yeah. Bye Haley, here's the tutor key I stole. Bye Nathan, sorry for almost getting your uncle killed. Bye Lucas, sorry for actually getting your uncle killed. Bye Tree Hill High, really sorry for the whole time capsule thing... No, I think I'll spare everyone the goodbyes. Mouth: When do you leave? Rachel: Booked on a flight tonight. Mouth: So you won't be at prom? Rachel: Don't look so sad. You'll barely have the same goal while you're dancing with your hot new girlfriend. Mouth: She broke up with me. Rachel: I've always hated her. Are you ok? Mouth: Not really. And now I have to go to prom alone. Rachel: You won't be there alone. I told like five guys I'd go with them. Mouth: Still, I would have loved to dance with you one last time. I mean the only dance we ever had was after the shooting, and I'd kinda like to erase that one. Rachel: Yeah I would have liked that.God knows I haven't left too many great memories about it. Mouth: You left me with some. Rachel: Thanks Mouth. That means a lot. That Clean Teen girl doesn't know what she's missing! Peyton: Seriously you are egging my house! Brooke: Well you're gonna give my dress back to me the guy at the store told me you had it, described to well your bony ass! Peyton: Well go naked think of all the time you're gonna save, hooking up with someone else's boyfriend. Brooke: You want to talk. You are wanting to talk Peyton. Okay so you said we were never friends huh? It never meant anything to you!?! Fine. Wanna see something else? Here is a picture of you and Lucas, on my birthday, so who's the whore now? God just let go! Stop it! Stop just let go! I'm the one with no boyfriend no prom just with a black eye! You're going to prom with the guy you love so you win! Ok Peyton you win! Why do you even care anymore? Peyton: Why do I care? Brooke this has been one of the worst years of my life! And I needed my bestfriend more than ever and you cut me out because I was honest with you, and you were never ever honest with me! Brooke: Peyton... Peyton: You made fun of my mom's death Brooke. You knew her, you cried with me when she died, and now, you use it as a punchline for a joke to hurt me! Well it hurt, it did, but not anymore cause you and me, we're done! And you're right, she's dead, as far as I'm concerned so are you. Lucas: Hi. Peyton: Hi. Lucas: Can we just put this whole thing behind us, and have a good time at prom? Peyton: I'm not going. Lucas: Why? Did something else happen? Peyton: No, I just don't care about prom. Lucas: Peyton. We don't have to see Brooke. It'll be fun. I promise you that. Peyton: It's not about Brooke I just really don't wanna go anymore. You can still go if you want. Lucas: Look I, I think you're gonna regret not going. I know that I'll regret not going with you. Peyton: I just can't. I'm sorry. Lucas: Oh I really hope you change your mind, because I'm coming back later and I'm picking you up. And if you open that door, I know that you're gonna look beautiful, and that we're gonna have a great night. And if not I guess I'm going alone. Nathan: Here's the list. But it's not the list of every girl I've ever been with. Haley: What is it? Nathan: It's the list of every girl I've ever been in love with, and your name is the only one that's on it, it's the only one that matters. Haley: Nathan... Nathan: The other list would have just been garbage okay, of a person that I'm not proud of. Haley: It's really sweet, but... Nathan: But, you want the other list. [...] Brooke: Wow, you're actually leaving I guess I should be packing too. Rachel: Why, I didn't invite you. Brooke: No, because this is your house and... this is your house isn't it? You didn't like marry and kill some old guy you burried in the basement? Rachel: I wish. My parents won't be back for a while, so you have some time. Brooke: I feel really guilty you got expelled for something I did. Rachel: Please. I practically forced you to cheat. Besides, for me getting expelled equals getting tanned. You had more to lose with your Clothes over Bros deal. Brooke: Thank you Rachel. I don't know why you did it, but thank you. Rachel: I did it cause you're my friend, and do something for me, and make things right with Peyton. Brooke: Yeah but she said I was dead to her. Rachel: And you blame her? You're wrong and you know it. You slept with her boyfriend... Brooke: They were broken up! Rachel: ... who, broken up or not, is off limits. And then why don't you forgive her for doing the same thing to you? Brooke: Well fine. That's not the [...] calling the whore a slut. You hit on Nathan knowing he was married! Rachel: I know. But I suck. You're better than that. Work it out. It's no fun being the girl of no friends. Brooke: Yeah, it's no fun being the girl of no boyfriend either. Rachel: No kidding. What's with the Clean Teens anyway? I mean, first Shelly dumps Mouth, then Chase dumps you. They should have a new slogan. We break hearts, not hymens. Brooke: Shelly broke up with Mouth? I saw him this morning, he, he didn't say anything. Rachel: He probably didn't wanna pound onto your probs the way Peyton pound onto your face, but, he's pretty broken up about it. It's my limo. Thanks for being my friend, you cheating whore! Brooke: Thanks for being my friend, you crazy bitch. Sorry I got you expelled, again. Rachel: It's ok, I'm used to it. Brooke: Rachel. Okay, I've never thought I'd say this but I'm gonna miss you. Rachel: Yeah. You too. Lucas: I think you should wear this one. Listen I'm sorry I got weirded out earlier. Karen: It's ok. When he asked me that was my initial reaction too. And my second. And my third. Lucas: So, why did you agree to go? Karen: I don't know. I thought it would be fun. Lucas: I just, I just don't wanna see you get hurt. But if going to prom with... Dan is gonna make you hapy then you should go. Karen: There was a small part of me that was hoping you'd tell me not to go. Lucas: I still could... Karen: I'll be fine. Lucas: Ok. But no slow dances ok? Nathan: You names him Nathan? Peyton: Why? He screwed my best friend? Nathan: I'm sorry, ok. I know I'm late I should have been here two years ago. Peyton: Well why weren't you? Nathan: Because I was a jerk. Peyton: Why Brooke? Did you really hate me that much? Nathan: No I didn't hate you! I just didn't care about anybody but myself. Look, I hooked up with Brooke because she was drunk and I was a bstrd. It didn't mean anything. It's just a mistake we both wanted to forget. Peyton: It explains why you taped it. Nathan: Have I mentioned I was a stupid jerk? Look, when you get to prom... Peyton: I'm not going. Nathan: Hey, I know you're mad at me and Brooke, but don't take this out on Lucas. Peyton: I'm not. I just don't care, I'm you two years ago! Nathan: No you're not. You never were. Why do you think you stayed with me when I treated you so bad? Peyton: I'm a masochist. Nathan: Because you cared. That's who you are. You care about Lucas because you know he loves you and you probably still care about me and Brooke because you know we love you too. Just face it, Peyton, you care. So get dressed, and go with Lucas. I'll see you there. Skills: Look like you made the right call Mouth! Mouth: I guess so. But I always thought I would loose my virginity with my prom date not my prom date with my virginity!But at least I have my friends right? Brooke: Would you go to prom with me Marvin McFadden? Mouth: What about Chase? Skills: There's no ex about Chase fool! Brooke: Clean Teens isn't really for me. Mouth: Of course I'll go with you. Brooke: Looks like we'll be a not so clean couple! Skills: See Mouth? Being a friend sometimes pays off. Mouth: Who says we're going as friends? Just go with it... See you guys there. Fergie: What does he got that I don't? Skills: A date. Deb: Haley? Hi. Haley: Hi. Deb: I just wanted to thank you for agreeing to move in. It means a lot to me. Haley: Yeah, sure, I mean, you know, you're family Deb. If you wanna get better we are here to help. Deb: I also wanted to tell you that, whatever stupid thing Nathan might have done, I'm possibly to blame for it. Haley: Trust me this one is all Nathan. Deb: His only one models growing up were a spineless alcoholic mother, and a controling sociopathic father. Haley: That doesn't excuse everything that he does though! Deb: No! Of course not. But he's become a wonderful man, and it's all because of you. And I wanna thank you for that and ask you to forgive his short comings. Whatever grants he has, he learnt from you. Maybe you could return it. Have fun tonight. Lucas: My mother will be here in a second. Dan: I know this is tough for you Lucas but you can trust me. Lucas: I trust her. Dan: Wow, you look beautiful Lucas: You look great. Karen: Thank you. Both of you. You're not ready yet. Lucas: Oh, only old people go to prom early mom. Karen: Save your mom a dance would you? Lucas: Sure. You know cause every kid wants to dance with his mom at prom. Karen: You're not every kid, you're my kid. Lucas: Have a good time at prom mom. And dad. Nathan: Thank God. You look amazing. Haley: Thanks. Notice anything different? Nathan: You're smiling. Haley: Anything... else? Nathan: You're boot's off. Haley that's great, you can walk on it? Haley: Yep, even better I'm gonna dance on it. I was gonna tell you last night, but your surprise kinda dropped mine. Nathan: Sorry... again. Haley: I know. Nathan: And the list? Haley: The list... I just read the one written by the man I fell in love with, I didn't need the one written by the other boy. Nathan: You know how much I love you? Haley: You'd better. Nathan: We're gonna be late for prom. Haley: Oh please, there's no wrong in being a little late there? Bevin: Hey! Does this dress make my [...] look big? Skills: Oh yeah! Bevin: Thanks baby. Guy: Don't walk with me dude, people are gonna thing we're together. Fergie: Please! You could never get with Fergilicious! Guy: Did you just say...? Fergie: Yeah. Brooke: It was really aweful. Peyton looked at me like I didn't even exist. I mean can't she hate me? At least if she hates me she still cares. Mouth: You guys have been friends longer than me and Luke I mean, that's too long not to care. Brooke: Yeah. I'm sorry I'm always [...] into you Mouth, do you wanna talk about Shelly or something? Mouth: Not at all, no. Brooke: Ok.if you do, I'm here. Thanks again for being my date. You've always been there for me, even now when everyone thinks that I'm a whore. Mouth: Nobody thinks that! Brooke: Oh my God. Mouth: You might wanna step out of black light. Brooke: She cares. She cares! Deb: Oh you two look so cute. Wait there while I get the video camera! Nathan: Sorry. Are you okay with this? Haley: I so broke that camera. Peyton: Lucas... Derek: Hi Peyton! (he hits her!)	Plan: A: Prom day; Q: What day is it that emotions are running high at Tree Hill? A: An emotional Haley confronts; Q: Who confronts Nathan about the sex tape? A: An angry Peyton; Q: Who asks Lucas to skip the dance? A: Lucas; Q: Who refuses to skip the dance? A: no; Q: What answer does Lucas refuse to take from Peyton? A: all their frustrations; Q: What did Brooke and Peyton let out in a confrontation that could tear them apart forever? A: The Long Winters; Q: What band did the episode "Prom Day" take its name from? Summary: It's Prom day, and emotions are running high at Tree Hill. An emotional Haley confronts Nathan about the sex tape and asks for a list of all his past sexual encounters. An angry Peyton asks Lucas to skip the dance altogether, but he refuses to take no for an answer. Brooke and Peyton let out all their frustrations in a confrontation that could tear them apart forever. This episode is named after a song by The Long Winters .
Merlin 3.07 - The Castle of Fyrien Morgana's chambers (night) Gwen puts out the candles, yawns and walks home. [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen's house Gwen gasps when she finds a sinister man waiting for her. Gwen: What do you want? Gwen grabs a poker from the fireplace, but another man grabs her from behind and places a drugged cloth over her face, muffling her scream. Gwen passes out, and Morgana watches from her window as the men carry Gwen away on a horse. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers Merlin: Rise and shine! Arthur: Can't you think of anything new to say? Bell tolls. Merlin: What? Arthur: Every morning it is the same thing. Merlin: Oh, I'm sorry. How about... shake a leg? Up and at 'em? Let's have you lazy daisy? No, you don't like any of them, do you? OK.I'm just gonna go before, before you decide to do something which... Arthur throws a cup at Merlin. [SCENE_BREAK] Council chamber Morgana enters and sits down to breakfast with Uther and Arthur. Uther: The building works in the lower town have been delayed. Ensure it doesn't happen again. Arthur: I'll see to it. Uther: Good morning, Morgana. Merlin moves to pour Morgana's drink, but she places her hand over the cup. Morgana: No, thank you. Uther: Anything the matter? Morgana: It's Gwen. She didn't turn up for work this morning. Arthur: That's not like her. Morgana: I know, it's strange. I hope nothing's wrong. Uther: You needn't worry, Morgana. After all, if your maid can no longer be relied upon, we can easily replace her. Arthur: I'm sure she'll turn up soon enough. Morgana: I'm sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Phoenix corridor Arthur: Go to Gwen's house, find out what's wrong. And Merlin, as quick as you can. Merlin: Yes, Sire. [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen's house Merlin: Gwen? Merlin looks around Gwen's house and finds the cloth she was drugged her with [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, dungeons Cenred and Morgause look at Elyan through the peek hole in his cell door. Morgause: You found him, then. Cenred: It was easy. He was exactly where Morgana said he'd be. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, throne hall Cenred: Guinevere. I trust you had a pleasant journey. Gwen: Why have you brought me to this place? Cenred: I have a guest. I thought you might like to meet him. Gwen: Elyan! Elyan: Gwen! Cenred: Brother and sister reunited. It warms the heart. Elyan: What do you want from us? Cenred: All in good time. Cenred and his men leave Gwen and Elyan alone in the throne room. Gwen: Why are we here, Elyan? What've you done? Elyan: I didn't do anything, I promise. I swear. I was at my forge and they just came for me. I tried to resist, but they drugged me. There was nothing I could do. What would a man like Cenred want with us? Gwen: I wish I knew. Morgause and Cenred watch Gwen and Elyan from a hallway above. Morgause: You are a cruel man, Cenred. Cenred: Is it cruel to give them a moment alone? They will have much to discuss. Morgause: Indeed. Cenred: Besides, the more she feels for her brother's plight, the more she'll do for us. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers (day) Merlin enters with the drugged cloth he found in Gwen's house. Arthur: What's that? Merlin: I found it at Gwen's. Arthur: It's a scrap of cloth. Merlin: I know. Arthur: She's a seamstress. How could that possibly be important? Merlin: Smell it. Arthur: No thanks. Merlin: Just smell it. Arthur takes the cloth and inhales deeply. Merlin: What are you...? Arthur passes out and Merlin magically pulls out a chair to catch Arthur. Arthur comes around. Arthur: What is that? Merlin: It's a compound of hogswort and valerian. Arthur: Argh, what? Merlin: I'm just guessing. Arthur: You could knock a man out with that. Merlin: Yes. Or a woman? [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, throne hall Gwen: Where have you taken Elyan? Cenred: He's safe. For now. Gwen: How do I know that? Cenred: We can talk about your brother later. I want to talk about you, and what you can do for me. Gwen: What could I possibly do for you? Cenred: You can bring me... Arthur Pendragon. Gwen: I'm just a servant, I have no influence with the prince. Cenred (laughs): I think we both know that's not true. Gwen: I don't know what you're talking about. Cenred: Enough! You will bring him here. I don't care how you do it, all I care is that it is done. You have a week. Gwen: And if I do not? Cenred: Then I'll let you watch... while I tear your brother's heart out. [SCENE_BREAK] Council chamber Arthur: The guards saw her leave the palace at the usual time. After that, nothing. Uther: Why are you telling me this? Arthur: Sire, I have reason to believe that Guinevere has been kidnapped. Morgana: Kidnapped? Arthur: I'd like to organise a search party. Uther: I hardly think that would be appropriate. Arthur: Father? Uther: She's just a serving girl. Arthur: She's the maid to the King's ward. Uther: Very well. Send a squad of guards to search the lower town. Arthur: And the countryside? Uther: They have until nightfall. Arthur: Father, I'm not sure I can achieve... Uther: Arthur, I have a kingdom to protect. I cannot waste precious resources on a servant, whatever their circumstances. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's chambers (morning) Morgana wakes the next morning as Gwen gathers her laundry. Morgana: Gwen? Where have you been? Gwen: I'm sorry, My Lady, I was unwell. Morgana: Are you better now? Gwen: Much better, thank you. Morgana: Well, don't tire yourself out. Whatever you need to do, I'm sure it can wait. [SCENE_BREAK] Phoenix corridor Gwen bumps into Merlin and falls down, dropping Morgana's laundry. Merlin helps her pick it up. Merlin: Gwen! I've been searching the whole town for you. Arthur's been worried sick. Gwen: That's very sweet of him. I just had a cold, that's all. Merlin: I went to your house, Gwen, you weren't there. Gwen: Oh, no, erm...I, ...was just... Merlin notices Gwen's bruised wrists. Merlin: Who did that to you? Gwen: No one, it was an accident. Merlin: Gwen. Look at me. Gwen: It's fine. I'm fine. Gwen breaks down crying. [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen's house Merlin prepares Gwen some tea and sits with her at her kitchen table. Gwen: What I don't understand is how they knew. Merlin: About?... Gwen looks towards Merlin. Merlin: Arthur's feelings for you. It's common knowledge Arthur would lay down his life for any of his subjects. Cenred could've taken anyone. Gwen: Do you really believe that? Merlin: All I know is you're back home safe with your friends. You don't have to face this alone. Gwen: Yes I do, Merlin. This is my problem. I can't involve Arthur. I won't. Merlin: Arthur's already involved. Gwen: Not if I don't tell him about it. Merlin: Gwen. If Arthur was in trouble, wouldn't you want him to come to you? Gwen: You know I would. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers Arthur: The Castle of Fyrien, I'm sure of it. Merlin: Never even heard of it. Arthur: Fyrien was a merchant. Morgana listens at the door. Arthur: He built a castle on the sea of Meredor as an outpost for trade routes to the east, but when war broke out with Caerleon, the trade dried up. The castle was abandoned. Merlin: And so it's ruined now? Arthur: Well, no. It was built to withstand anything. For Cenred, it's the perfect hideout. Merlin: Doesn't sound like an easy place to get into. Arthur: It isn't. It will be well defended. Gwen: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought this to you. Arthur: You did the right thing. Your brother will come to no harm, I promise. Gwen: How can you be so sure? Arthur: Because we're going to rescue him. Merlin: What do you mean "we"? Arthur: The three of us. Gwen: Cenred wants you dead. That's why he's doing this. Arthur: I know. Cenred's wanted Camelot's throne for as long as I can remember. Merlin: Then we'll be walking into a trap. Arthur: Not necessarily. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest (night) Morgause: Sister. Is everything in place? Morgana: Arthur's taken the bait. Morgause: So he means to rescue her brother? Morgana: Just as we thought. There is nothing he would not do for her. Morgause: Excellent. And he comes alone, I take it? Morgana: Uther would never sanction an army for such a task. He rides with just Gwen and Merlin. Morgause: Perfect. He is as good as ours. Morgana: And once he is dead? Morgause: Why, then you are Uther's only child, and when the time is right, you may take your place on the throne of Camelot. [SCENE_BREAK] Council chamber Arthur: Father. Uther: Hmm? What is it? Arthur: It's, er...it's slightly awkward. Uther: Oh? Arthur: I was drawn into a wager...and I lost. Uther: Arthur, you know how I disapprove of gambling. Arthur: I know. I'm sorry. Uther: How much do you owe? Arthur: Two silk dresses. Uther: Excuse me? Arthur: Well, at least enough silk to have them made, anyway. Uther: What kind of wager was this, exactly? Arthur: It was Morgana's idea. Uther (laughs): I should have guessed. Really, Arthur, you should know better than to bet against Morgana. Arthur: I know. The thing is, the cloth cannot be obtained in Camelot. So, I'm going to have to leave the city for a couple days. Uther: I'd get going if I were you. Don't want to keep her waiting. She'll have your guts. Arthur: Thank you, Father. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chambers Gaius: Morgana? Are you certain? Merlin: Yes. She's been feeding Cenred information. How else would he know about Arthur's feelings for Gwen? Gaius: Then there's no denying it. Merlin: No. And if I could just go to Arthur and tell him what I know... Gaius: But you can't. It'd be your word against Morgana's, and she's the King's daughter. Merlin: I know. She's found Arthur's weak spot. Gaius: Well, Arthur can't sacrifice himself for Gwen's brother. Merlin: No, of course not. We're going to rescue him instead. Gaius: You're going to snatch this boy from under Cenred's nose? You and Arthur? Morgana knows nothing of this? Merlin: (scoffs) No. Gaius: Merlin, look after yourself. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot Castle main square Merlin prepares the horses. Morgana: Aren't you forgetting something? Merlin: I don't think so. Morgana: But I'm coming with you. Didn't Arthur say? Merlin: No, he didn't. Arthur hops over the Courtyard Corridor ledge dresses in his chainmail. Arthur: Don't just stand there, Merlin. We need another horse. Merlin: Why didn't you tell me she was coming? Arthur: Why should I? What difference does it make to you? Merlin: I think it's a bad idea. Arthur: Who's going to watch my back if we get into trouble? Merlin: I am. Arthur (snorts): Come on, she's a darn sight better with a sword than you'll ever be, and you know it. Besides, she insisted! Merlin: I bet she did. [SCENE_BREAK] Woods Gwen looks around the woods warily. Arthur: I used to be afraid of these woods. Gwen: I find that hard to believe. Arthur: My father would bring me here when I was a boy, and it seemed every falling leaf was a bandit, every puff of wind was a ghost. You just get used to it in the end. Gwen: I don't think I'd ever get used to it. Arthur: You don't have to. You've got me. Gwen and Arthur smile at each other. Arthur remembers he's not alone with Gwen and looks back to see Merlin's grin. Arthur: What I mean is, in the event of an attack we'll watch out for each other. Morgana, I think I can rely on your protection? Morgana: Of course. Arthur: And Gwen, you'll look after Merlin, won't you? Gwen giggles. [SCENE_BREAK] Woods, campsite Arthur: Go get some more firewood, would you Merlin? Merlin: I thought Morgana was doing that? Arthur: Well, go and see if she's alright. Merlin: Why wouldn't she be? Arthur: I don't know, maybe there are wolves in these woods. Merlin: No...I don't think so. Arthur: Merlin... Arthur mouths "you" and jerks his head away from the campsite. Merlin looks over at Gwen and Arthur nods. Merlin: Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. The wolves. Merlin hurries off. Gwen struggles to untie something from her saddle. Arthur: You need some help with that? Gwen: Thanks. Merlin wanders near Morgana as she collects firewood. Morgana: What do you want Merlin? Merlin: Arthur sent me. He wanted to make sure that you were OK. Morgana: How very thoughtful of him. Merlin: Well, he cares for you. You know, Gwen too. They're your friends, Morgana. They've always been loyal to you. Morgana: Why are you telling me this? Merlin: Because I don't understand how anyone would want to hurt their friends. Morgana: No, you just poison them. You'd do well, Merlin, to stay out of things that do not concern you. Merlin: Oh, but they do concern me, cause they're my friends too. And I'll do whatever it takes to protect them. Morgana: I would expect nothing less. [SCENE_BREAK] Woods, campsite Gwen carries gear between her horse and the fire pit while Arthur sits trying to light the campfire. Arthur: Sit for a moment. You're wearing me out just watching you. Gwen: It's good to keep busy. Stops me thinking too much. Arthur: 'Cause you're worried about Elyan. Gwen pauses and then sits down by the fire pit. Gwen: I'm always worried about Elyan. He's just one of those people, never settled down, never thinks about the future, just follows his heart wherever it leads him. Arthur: Doesn't sound so bad. Gwen: Well, it wouldn't be, except he always manages to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Arthur: Well, I don't think it's his fault this time. Gwen: No. But even if it was, I'd still be there for him. Gwen: It's what you do when you love someone, isn't it? ...If anything happens to you, I won't forgive myself. Arthur: Don't worry. It won't. Arthur continues trying to light the fire with the flints. Arthur: What's wrong with these things? Gwen: Here, let me. Gwen takes the flints and lights the fire on her second try. Gwen: I'm a blacksmith's daughter, remember? Arthur: Mmm. Arthur and Gwen lean in to kiss. Morgana and Merlin return and they break apart. Merlin pauses when he sees them. Merlin: I think I may have missed a twig back there. Erm..Would you like me to go and get it? Arthur glares at Merlin. Merlin: (mouths) I could go. [SCENE_BREAK] Campsite (night) The four travellers sit around the campfire, finishing dinner. Arthur: Cenred's chosen his hideout well. Now, the Castle of Fyrien backs onto the sea, we will be vastly outnumbered, and his lookouts will spot us well before we've reached the gates. So, we can't go that way. Morgana: But there's no other way, surely? Arthur: Yes, there is. Merlin: Erm, more beans? Anyone? Arthur: No thanks. When Caerleon was defeated by my father at the Battle of Denaria, he retreated to the Castle of Fyrien and it seemed a victory would be denied us, but my father knew of a secret labyrinth beneath the castle. Morgana: A labyrinth? Arthur: Fyrien was greedy. So, to avoid Camelot's levies, he dug tunnels from the castle to the sea. That way he could smuggle goods into the kingdom without anyone knowing. Morgana: And you ambushed Caerleon using these old tunnels. Arthur: He never saw us coming. And neither will Cenred. [SCENE_BREAK] Woods Morgana meets Morgause. Morgause: So they are heading for the castle as planned? Morgana: Yes, but Arthur means to catch you unawares. Morgause: What do you mean? Morgana: He knows of some tunnels beneath the castle. Morgause: There must be a secret entrance. Did he say where? Morgana: I'm sorry, that's all I know. Morgause: Then your work is not yet done, Sister. When you find the entrance, you must lead us to it. Morgana: But how? Morgause pulls out a ring. Morgause: Lære us, forþbrenge us, ætlæde us. Heofoncandel ure. When you are certain that you are alone, cast it upon the ground. Its magic will guide us. [SCENE_BREAK] Campsite Morgana returns to the campsite and climbs under her blankets. Merlin turns to see that she's returned. [SCENE_BREAK] Campsite (morning) Merlin and Morgana prepare their horses the next morning. Merlin: Trouble sleeping? Morgana: If you have a problem, Merlin, why don't you try talking to Arthur about it? No? Well, keep your mouth shut, then. [SCENE_BREAK] Woods Merlin spots a snake as they ride through the woods. Merlin: (whisper) Nædre Morganam forgripe. The snake spooks Morgana's horse, and she screams as she's thrown off. Merlin: Are you alright? Morgana: Ow, my leg. Arthur: Can you walk? Merlin: No, it's your ankle. You need to rest it. Arthur: We don't have that kind of time. Gwen: We can't go on without her. Merlin: What other choice do we have? Morgana: No, no, it's alright. I can go on. Merlin: No, you can't! You'll only make it worse. Morgana: I said I'm fine. Arthur: You were lucky. It could've been serious. Come on, Merlin, don't just stand there. You alright? Morgana: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, throne room Cenred: Morgana will lead us to the tunnel entrance? Morgause: She has not failed us so far. Cenred: Then Arthur's fate is sealed. Morgause: If you do your job properly. Cenred: Don't worry about me. Morgause: I don't, believe me. Cenred: And I thought you cared. Morgause: I care only that Morgana takes her rightful place upon the throne of Camelot. Cenred: I share that desire, Morgause. Morgause: Of course you do. After all, you stand to gain much from Arthur's death. Cenred: I don't deny it. But I am rich and powerful already. I do this only to please you. Morgause: Is that so? Then please me. [SCENE_BREAK] Shoreline near the Castle of Fyrien Merlin: Are you sure we shouldn't try to sneak into the castle itself. It might be easier. Arthur: No, the tunnels are a better bet. That way the element of surprise is guaranteed. Merlin: No, no, no. Arthur: Are you questioning my judgment? Merlin: No, no. Its, it's just, er...an instinct, that's all. Arthur: Oh, well, if you got an instinct, we should ignore my lifetime of military experience. Merlin: What if it's a trap? What if Cenred knows about the tunnels? Arthur: I'm willing to bet my life he doesn't. [SCENE_BREAK] Tunnel entrance Arthur: Here we are. Stay close. Morgana places the enchanted ring on a rock and it begins to emit orange smoke. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, tunnels Merlin runs into some thick cobwebs in the tunnels. Arthur: Stop worrying about your hair, Merlin. Merlin: Very funny. Arthur: It's a good sign. Means that no one's been down here. Gwen separates some cobwebs and a skeleton pops out at her. She screams. Arthur lights a torch revealing lots of armoured skeletons on the ground. Arthur: Caerleon's last stand. Merlin: Where's Morgana? Morgana: I'm here. Arthur: Stick together, everyone. We need to keep moving. Footsteps approach. Arthur (whisper): Quiet. Quick, this way. Arthur leads them to another tunnel, but footsteps approach from that direction as well. Arthur: We're trapped. Merlin: How did they know we were here? Gwen: It was probably my scream. I'm sorry. They attempt to fend off Cenred's men, but Gwen is captured and Arthur surrenders. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, throne room Cenred: Well, well, Arthur Pendragon. How kind of you to pay me a visit. And look, you brought some friends with you. Oh, the Lady Morgana, no less. Morgana: Don't so much as breathe on me, you pig. Cenred: Well, the more the merrier, I say. Arthur: I'm the one you want, Cenred. Let them go. Cenred: You're right, that would only be fair. But fair's for fools. Take them away! Arthur: I won't let you harm them! They're innocent! Cenred: Innocent? No friend of Camelot is innocent! [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen and Elyan's prison cell Elyan: You shouldn't have come back for me, Gwen. What were you thinking? Gwen: You're probably right. You'd think I'd have learnt by now. Gwen: I only hope Arthur can think of something. Elyan: Arthur? Gwen: Prince Arthur. I came with him. Elyan: Prince Arthur of Camelot? Gwen: Yes, Elyan, Prince Arthur of Camelot. Elyan: Why would he want to help you? Gwen: Why shouldn't he? Elyan: Er, because he's a prince and you're a servant. Gwen: He doesn't care about that sort of thing. He's...you know...chivalrous. Elyan: Right. So he's like that with all the maids in Camelot? Gwen: No. Yes. I mean... Gwen sighs in defeat and Elyan smiles. Elyan: It seems that things have changed for you, Guinevere. Gwen: Yes, I suppose they have. Elyan: I'm glad. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, throne room Morgause: Sister, you are unharmed, I trust. Morgana (to Cenred): No thanks to your men. Cenred: Forgive me, but, er...we must keep up appearances. Morgana: What've you done with Arthur? Morgause: He's safely under lock and key. Morgana: Why not just kill him now? Cenred: How cold hearted you've become. Morgause: The Prince still has his uses. He knows more about Camelot's defences than anyone. Morgana: Arthur will never tell you anything. Morgause: Cenred has his methods. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur and Merlin's prison cell Merlin: I don't understand why we're not dead already. Arthur: Because Cenred will want to torture me first. Find out what I know. Merlin: Aren't you afraid? Arthur: No. Not in the slightest. Merlin: Sorry, I don't understand. How, how can you not be afraid of pain? Arthur: I am afraid of pain, there's just not going to be any. Merlin: Right. So, you go into some sort of trance? Arthur: What are you talking about? There's not going to be any because we are going to escape from this filthy cell and rescue the others. Merlin: You got a plan. Arthur: Not as such. [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen and Elyan's prison cell Elyan: You're angry with me, aren't you? Gwen: A bit. Where've you been, Elyan? Elyan: Here and there. Gwen: It's been four years since you left and not so much as a word! You could've been dead for all I knew! Elyan: I meant to get in touch. It just never seemed like the right moment. Gwen: So, when our father died, wasn't that the right moment either? Elyan: I'm sorry. I haven't been much help, have I? [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur and Merlin's prison cell Merlin: Help! Quick! Merlin pounds on the door and a guard opens the peek hole in the door. Merlin: The Prince has escaped. I'm so sorry. I- I wish I knew where he was, but I... Merlin looks up at the ceiling. Merlin: Oh, there he is. The guards look up. Arthur smiles and drops down on the guards. Arthur knocks out one, and Merlin takes out the other. Arthur: Wonders never cease. Merlin: Heh. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, dungeons corridor Merlin and Arthur peek around the corner at the guards outside Gwen and Elyan's prison cell. Arthur: Any ideas? Merlin: Just this one. Merlin pushes Arthur out in front of the guard, Fermin. Arthur: Ha. Hello again. Fermin fights Arthur and pins him against the wall. Fermin: I'm going to enjoy this. Merlin: Gyrdel. Fermin's belt breaks and his trousers fall down. Arthur: Know what your problem is? All mouth and no trousers! Arthur shoves Fermin through the door of Gwen and Elyan's cell. Arthur: You all right? Gwen: Yes. Arthur: Where's Morgana? Gwen: I thought she was with you. Arthur: They must be holding her somewhere else. Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, corridors Arthur: Take Gwen and Elyan with you. Guard them with your life. Merlin: What about you? Arthur: I'm going to get Morgana. Merlin: No, you can't! It's too dangerous. Arthur: Sorry, Merlin, I'm not leaving without her. Arthur checks around a corner. Guard (distant): I think they went that way. Arthur jogs back to Gwen. Arthur: When you get to the horses, ride straight for Camelot. Do not wait for me. Promise. Gwen: But I... Arthur: Promise. Gwen: I promise. Arthur leaves, Gwen and Elyan begin to run in the opposite direction. Merlin: Elyan! Look after Gwen. I'm going after him. Gwen: Good luck. Merlin: You too. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, throne room Warning bells sound. Cenred: Arthur. Morgana: You should've killed him when you had the chance! Cenred: He won't get far. My men will deal with him easily enough. Morgana: Cenred, if he escapes... Morgause: Do not fret, Sister. You are like family to our brave Prince. He will not leave this place without you. And when he comes, we'll be waiting. Cenred: And then, My Lady Morgana, you must play your part well. Morgana: When have I not? [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, throne room corridor Arthur peeks around the corner at the guards, then casually saunters around the corner. Arthur: Evening! Arthur takes out the guards. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, throne room Arthur bursts in and Cenred guards Morgana with a sword. Cenred: That's close enough. Morgana: Please don't hurt me. Cenred: One more step and she dies. Arthur: You're a coward, Cenred. You always were. Cenred: Ha-ha. It's cowards that survive, Arthur. Now put down your sword. Morgause comes out from behind a pillar. Morgause: Do as he says. You seem surprised. Arthur: Hardly. I know what you're capable of. Morgause: Oh, you have no idea. Merlin watches from the doorway as Morgause summons a pillar of fire and pushes it towards Arthur. Merlin: Merrtorrsweoolhat The fire pillar explodes and blows everyone backwards. The ceiling collapses on Cenred and Morgause. Arthur goes to Morgana as she gets up. Arthur: You alright? Come on. Merlin enters the throne room. Arthur: Merlin?! What the hell are you doing here?! Merlin: I thought you might need some help! Arthur: Get out of here now! Merlin grabs Morgana's arm and drags her out of the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle of Fyrien, tunnels Morgana: I can't go on! Merlin: What's the matter? Worried about your friends? Morgana: No! My ankle! Merlin: I'm not a fool, Morgana! I know what you're trying to do! Morgana: You know nothing! Merlin: Come on! Arthur: What's wrong? Morgana: My ankle. Arthur picks Morgana up in a fireman's carry. Morgana: What are you doing?! Arthur: Trust me, I don't like it any more than you do! Come on, Merlin! [SCENE_BREAK] Woods Arthur carries Morgana through the woods until he sees Gwen and Elyan waiting with the horses. Arthur: I thought I told you to ride for Camelot. Gwen: You might be a prince, but I don't always have to do what you tell me to. Cenred's men attack. Arthur takes out one. Elyan kills the other. Arthur: Not bad. Elyan: Well, practice makes perfect, I guess. [SCENE_BREAK] Woods, road The rescue party rides along a trail in the woods. Arthur: What did Cenred want with you? Morgana: He was trying to extract information. I told him nothing. Arthur: See, that's what men like Cenred will never understand. Camelot was built on trust and loyalty. We will never be defeated as long as we stay true to those ideals. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers Someone knocks on the door while Arthur writes at his table. Arthur: Come in. Gwen enters with a pair of dresses. Arthur: What are they? Gwen: Two silk dresses. In case your father asks any questions. Arthur: Ah, where'd you get them from? Gwen: Well...let's just say they won't be missed for a day or two. Arthur: How's Elyan settling in? Gwen: Really well. He's got the forge up and running and a place to live. He really appreciates all the help you've given him. Gwen hesitates. Arthur: Was there anything else? Gwen: I just wanted to say thank you for bringing my brother back. It means more to me than I can say. Arthur: Well, it's like you said, Guinevere. It's what you do when you love someone.	Plan: A: an impossible dilemma; Q: What does Gwen find herself with when she is forced to choose between Arthur and her estranged brother, Elyan? A: Cenred's hand; Q: Who will kill Elyan? A: Loyalties; Q: What is tested to the limit? A: friendships; Q: What is thrown to the fore as Arthur, Merlin and Gwen work together to find a way out of the situation? A: the threesome's plan; Q: What do Morgana and Morgause try to sabotage? A: good; Q: Which side of the story will win out over evil? Summary: Gwen finds herself with an impossible dilemma when she is forced to choose between Arthur and her estranged brother, Elyan. With one of them certain to die at Cenred's hand, who will Gwen choose? The love of her life, or her only sibling? Loyalties are tested to the limit and friendships are thrown to the fore as Arthur, Merlin and Gwen work together to try and find a way out of the situation. But with Morgana and Morgause doing all that they can to scupper the threesome's plan, can good conquer evil, or will Gwen lose another of those she loves?
[Scene: Police Station. Darryl and Mr. Chang are in a room. Darryl places a cup of coffee on the table.] Mr. Chang: I don't get it. Who'd want to kill me? Darryl: We're not sure, but our sources believe your life is in danger. Protective custody- Mr. Chang: Our sources? What is this? Government surveillance, you have people watching me? Darryl: Mr. Chang, your picture was in the Metro section today. Mr. Chang: Because I planted some trees. Darryl: Mr. Chang, there were four brutal murders in the last week. Where the only common denominator is the victims picture was in the Metro section the day that they died. Mr. Chang: The mayor's in Metro today. You guys harassing him? Darryl: Mr. Chang, I'm trying to help you. Mr. Chang: I don't have any money, I don't have any enemies. Why would anyone wanna kill me? This is crazy. [Cut to outside the room. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are there.] Prue: Alright, what do we do if Darryl can't convince him to lay low? Phoebe: Oh, well, we follow him and if a demon attacks we kick some wiccan ass. Piper: Look who's back and badder than ever. Phoebe: It feels good to be back. It's the best way to put this whole Cole thing behind me. Prue: Well, that's quite a turn around. Phoebe: What do you mean? Prue: Well, it's just that, I mean, you know, up until last week you were kinda quiet and not really interested in things demonic, and now... Phoebe: I am back. Bad guys beware. Piper: And too bad we don't know who the bad guy is. Phoebe: Yeah, well, at least we know who his next victim is. (Darryl and Mr. Chang walk out of the room. Darryl goes over to the girls.) Prue: Hey. Darryl: Hey. Prue: So did you get anything out of him? Darryl: Just a migraine. That's about it. Piper: So, what, you're just gonna let him go? Darryl: I don't have a choice. He declined protection. Phoebe, are you sure he's the guy that you saw get attacked in your premonition? Phoebe: Oh, yeah, and it happened at night too, so we can't just let him go. (Mr. Chang leaves the station.) Prue: Alright, then we need to split up in teams. First one to see a demon yells vanquish, okay. Come on. (Prue and Darryl follow Mr. Chang out in the alley. He walks over to his motor bike.) Ugh, innocents and alleys. Don't they ever learn? Darryl: Yeah, I know. Come on. (Mr. Chang fiddles with something on his bike. A guy comes around the corner and throws a fireball at Mr. Chang. Prue uses her power and moves it away from him.) Mr. Chang: What the hell? (Prue uses her power on the demon. Prue stops and he runs away.) Darryl What happened? Why did you let him get away? Prue: I know that demon. I dated that demon. Huh. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe and Darryl are sitting at the table. Phoebe's looking through the Book of Shadows. Piper's watering the plants.] Darryl: I think they're lost, Piper. Dead. Piper: No, they're not completely. Phoebe: She waters when she's nervous. Darryl: There's nothing to be nervous about. Mr. Chang's in protective custody. Piper: No, it-it's not him. It's the whole 'my boyfriend is a demon' thing. It kind of hits a nerve with all of us, and obviously I'm not that upset because I'm with Leo, who obviously is not... Phoebe: Piper also babbles when she's nervous. Piper: I resent that. I am expressing a valid concern about this continuing issue in our lives. (Prue walks in holding a year book.) Prue: What are you babbling about? (Phoebe laughs.) Piper: You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would, often. (Prue opens the year book to a picture of the demon.) Prue: Alright, so here's the demon that we're looking for, or at least who he used to be. Tom Peters. Phoebe: Wait, I didn't know you dated the captain of the college football team. How suburban. Prue: Yeah, he was a great guy. Darryl: I remember Peters. He blew out his knee three weeks into his rookie year. About five, six years ago. Prue: Leo! Darryl: Rumours about gambling debts and that whole scene. He's also a missing persons. It never got closed. He just kind of disappeared. Phoebe: More like went underground. Prue: I wonder if his mum still lives in town. Leo! (Prue walks out of the room.) Darryl: A woman on a mission? Phoebe: Mmm hmm. Piper: I guess the captain of the football team was a bigger deal than we ever knew. (Piper, Phoebe and Darryl go into the kitchen where Prue is.) Uh, Prue, are you sure we should pursue this? Prue: Ask Phoebe. It was her premonition. Alright, where on earth is... (Leo orbs in.) Leo, what took you so long? Leo: Hi. (Piper and Leo kiss.) I had... have a situation. Piper: Uh-oh, you mean and us situation or a you situation? Oh, don't tell me they've changed their minds about us getting married because if that is the case, then you can just orb me up there right now and... Phoebe: Babbling. Leo: It has nothing to do with them. It has to do with me. I sorta kinda lost the wedding ring. Darryl: Got a great ring guy down town if you need one. Piper: He doesn't need one, he has a ring. Mum's ring. I gave it to him so he could give it back to meat the perfect romantic moment. Phoebe: Wow, Leo, you lost mum's ring. It's a good thing you're dead already. Leo: I had it in my pocket, Piper. All the orbing in and out... Piper: Your orbs are grass if you do not find that ring. Prue: Alright, hi. Before blood is spilled, can I just ask a business question? Is it possible to turn a human into a demon? Leo: Well, there's rumours, stories about demons recruiting humans. Phoebe: So join the evil and see the underworld? Leo: Kind of. Apparently the demons go after humans in need and strike your classic Faustian deal, but then the humans are forced into this training academy. A program that destroys their humanity. Piper: And turns them into demons. Leo: Right, and when the recruits graduate, they have to kill an innocent to seal the demonic conversion permanently. Darryl: It's like gang initiation. You go out and kill the first person that you see and you're in the gang. Phoebe: Well, that explains your four random killings. Maybe it's graduation time at the academy. Prue: Well, if it is, Tom is one human they're not going to demonize. Phoebe: Prue, how do you know we're not too late? I mean, if we didn't get there on time and stop him... Prue: He would have killed an innocent and then it would have been too late, but we did stop him, so now we still have time to save him. Alright, I'm going to talk to Tom's mother, see if she knows anything. Maybe you guys could come up with, like a spell to find him or something. [Scene: Kellman's office. Kellman and a guy are there.] Guy: Mr. Kellman, I swear I can make this right, I swear it. Kellman: I was clear, wasn't I? I make your problems go away and you owe me. Now, did you forget about the last part of the deal? Guy: I-I can pay you back. I just need more time. Kellman: More time? You don't have any more time. Your debt is due and payable now. Guy: Please, I'll do anything. (Kellman makes an elevator appear.) Kellman: Oh, yes you will. Come on. (Kellman pushes the guy in the elevator and it goes down. The elevator disappears. Kellman turns to Tom.) Now I don't have to go over all this again with you too, Tom, do I? Tom: Temporary setback, Mr. Kellman. It won't happen again. Kellman: You know, you're not the only one exposed here. You got a contract with me and I got a contract with the Source. Five full graduates by tomorrow night. Now, all the others have made their kills. What's the problem? Tom: A witch intervened. Kellman: What? A witch? How the hell did that happen? Tom: I don't know, but I wasn't followed. I used every safeguard I learned in the academy. Kellman: Well, she must be tracking the innocent. We'll have to get you another one, but we're running out of time here. (He picks up the newspaper.) Just kill this one, but do it fast or else there'll be hell to pay. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe and Leo are there.] Leo: Phoebe. Phoebe: I don't want to talk about it. Leo: You have to tell them, Phoebe. You can't wait any longer. Phoebe: Well, it's not really an easy thing to drop into conversation, Leo. You know, like, "Your hair looks great. Cole's not dead. I let him go." Leo: Confession is good for the soul. Phoebe: Yeah, well, how about we skip the confession part and go straight to penance? Okay, I will be such a force for good, the bad guys won't know what him them. Leo: You can't pretend it didn't happen, Phoebe. Phoebe: Yeah, and I can't change the fact that it did, Leo. So if you will excuse me, I have a demon to vanquish, and you have a ring to find. (Phoebe walks in the living room carrying the Book of Shadows. Piper's there watering the plants.) Scrying for witches, a spell to find lost love, but there's nothing in here about how to find a demon. Piper: Oh, well, probably because they usually find us. Phoebe: Well, there's got to be away. Piper: If there is, Prue's gonna have to find it. Um, was there anything in there, you know, to help Leo find my ring? Phoebe: Piper, we can't just give up. We have to find this demon before it kills somebody. Piper: Okay, well, do you got a spell? Phoebe: Maybe. [Time lapse. Phoebe's in her room, reaching under her bed. She pulls out box and sits on her bed. She opens it up and pulls out a piece of paper. Piper walks in.] Piper: I'm afraid to ask. Phoebe: Just something that I thought that I needed and then decided that I didn't. (Piper takes the piece of paper off of Phoebe and reads it.) Piper: Okay. Phoebe: It's a lost and found spell. Piper: Wow, perfect timing. Do I want to know what you were trying to find? Phoebe: Cole. Piper: Cole? Honey, you were trying to bring a demon back from the dead? Phoebe: No. He's still alive. I never really vanquished him. Piper: I'm sorry... Phoebe: It's over, he's not coming back and I don't want him to either. Piper: Phoebe, you-you let him go? Are you out of your mind? Phoebe: He's not after us anymore. He won't hurt us. Piper: No, you-you don't know that. Phoebe: Yes, I do. Piper, I just, I couldn't kill him. Piper: Phoebe, you lied to us. Phoebe: I know, I'm sorry. Piper: So this is where this new wonder woman attitude comes from? A guilty conscience? Phoebe: No... well, maybe. I don't know. Piper: You have to tell Prue. Phoebe: Hmm, she won't understand. Piper: Yeah, well, she's not the only one. [Scene: Tom Peters' place. Prue is there talking to his mother.] Mrs. Peters: He was so fast. His coach said he could have run track too, but all Tom cares about is football. Prue: I am sorry that we lost touch but, um, what happened after he got hurt? Mrs. Peters: He was depressed. I understood. Prue: So the stories that I heard about his being in trouble... Mrs. Peters: The gambling rumours? Don't believe a word of it. No one over came to me looking for money and Mr. Kellman would have told me if there was a problem. Prue: Mr. Kellman? Mrs. Peters: His business manager. He took such good care of Tom, and he was a wonderful help to me after Tom went away. Prue: Mrs. Peters, what do you think happened? Mrs. Peters: I think Tom has some things to take care of and he'll be home when he can. I know it in my heart. My son's a good man. [Cut to the manor. Phoebe and Piper are sitting at a table. Phoebe lights a candle. Piper is holding onto a crystal.] Piper, Phoebe: "Guiding spirits I ask your charity, lend me your focus and clarity, (Prue walks in) lead me to the one I cannot find, restore that and my piece of mind." Prue: Hey, what's all this? (Phoebe blows out the candle.) Phoebe: Oh, we were just looking for Tom. You know, with a little spell that we created. Piper: You created. Phoebe: Wow, you came up with the whole ritual that fast? Piper: Actually, not as fast as you would think. (Phoebe kicks Piper under the table.) Prue: Well, thank you. I really appreciate you guys doing this for me. Piper: She didn't exactly do it for you. Phoebe: Okay, what did Tom's mother say? Prue: Poor lady. She talks about him like he's been gone a week as opposed to six years and she actually think he's coming back. Piper: Based on... Prue: Faith, and I would like to prove her right. Phoebe: Well, we're doing everything we can. Prue: Yeah, and you know what? We have saved bad boys before. I mean, what about the priest with the warlock brothers? Piper: Yeah, but Prue, he wanted to be saved. Can you guarantee that about Tom or any other demon-human mix... Phoebe: This is not about Cole, okay? That's a whole other subject. Piper: One worth discussing. Prue: Am I missing something here? Piper: Yes... Phoebe: Yes, actually, we are missing Tom and he's someone we should probably continue talking about. So if this spell works and we actually find him, what do we do? Do we vanquish him? Prue: Well, I'm hoping that it won't come to that. Phoebe: Yeah, but what if it does, Prue? (They hear a bang at the door.) Prue: What was that? Phoebe: You changing the subject. (They go into the foyer and open the front door. Prue picks up the newspaper.) Prue: Huh, alright, since when did they start delivering newspapers in the afternoon? (They flip through the paper and notice all the pictures are missing.) Piper: Since they started taking out all the pictures. Phoebe: Wow, it's a pretty cool spell if I do say so myself. Prue: Yeah, except what is it telling us? (Phoebe turns to the Metro section and sees a picture of a woman.) Phoebe: Oh, that. "Claudia Gibson will discuss the mayor's position on Net News Live today at 2:00." Which is ten minutes ago. (Phoebe goes inside.) Piper: Hmm? Our next victim? Prue: As in Tom's next victim. (Phoebe comes out with the car keys.) Phoebe: Keys. Prue: Thanks. Come on. [Scene: Outside a building. Claudia walks towards her car. Tom follows her from behind. Prue, Piper and Phoebe pull up near by and gets out of the car. Tom throws a fireball at Claudia but Piper freezes it before it can hit her. They run over to them.] Piper: Well, we didn't bring a vanquish, but if we throw him into the street that might do the trick. Prue: We are not gonna vanquish him. Phoebe: Prue, he almost killed that woman. Prue: Almost, but didn't. (Prue uses her power and the fireball hits a car.) Alright, we need to get him home. Phoebe: Wha-- our home? You're voluntarily bringing a demon back to our home? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue's looking through the Book of Shadows. Tom is tied to a chair and is struggling to get free. Piper and Phoebe walk in and Piper freezes him.] Piper: Did you find anything yet? Prue: Not yet. Piper: Well, while we're waiting this would be a good time to discuss something. (The phone rings downstairs.) Phoebe: Oh, phone. Piper'll get it. Piper: Nope. Machine, remember? Prue: Leo was right. Phoebe: About what? Prue: About the demonic training academy. It's right here in the Book. Phoebe: Oh, really? Prue: "A brutal training program which destroys humanity and renders the subject demonic." Alright, so if Tom is completely demonic, he'll have a brand on his arm with six chevrons. (Piper pulls up Tom's sleeve and reveals five chevrons.) Piper: He's only got five. Prue: Good, that means he's not fully converted. Phoebe: We better vanquish him while we can. Prue: You know, when Cole was the hybrid in question, you were all about saving him. Piper: Excellent point. Phoebe: Yes, well, I learned from my mistake. Piper: And which mistake was that? Phoebe: Believing that I could save a demon. Prue: Hmm. Well, like I said before, this is different. (Tom unfreezes. Prue walks over to him.) Tom, look at me. Do you remember me from college? (He throws a fireball.) Piper: Hmm, does that mean he remembers you or he doesn't? (The doorbell rings.) What is going on down there? Prue: Why don't you guys go and find out? Phoebe: And leave you alone with him? Prue: I can handle him, it's okay. (Piper and Phoebe leave the attic.) [Cut to the foyer. Phoebe opens the door.] Darryl: Got Tom's file. Phoebe: We got Tom. (A white dog runs inside and goes in the living room.) Piper: Rasputin! Get off the... get... Rasputin? Darryl: You got a dog? Phoebe: No, that's our Grams' dog, and he's been lost for... Piper: Seven years, Phoebe. Phoebe: Okay, so there's one small side effect. We can handle that. (The phone continues to ring.) Piper: Why is the answering machine not picking up? (Piper goes into another room.) Phoebe: I cast a little spell. Darryl: The less I know, the happier I am. [Cut to the kitchen. Piper answers the phone.] Piper: Hello? An old friend of Prue's. Okay, let me get a pencil. Aah! (She opens a drawer and dozens of pencils fall out onto the floor. She sees her ring on the floor.) Oh my god, oh my god, oh my... oh, call back again soon. (Phoebe walks in. She has her brown hair back.) Phoebe: What is it? What did you find? Piper: Lost friends, mum's ring, and your brown hair. Oh, yeah, mm-hmm. (Phoebe looks at herself in a tray and quickly puts it back down.) Phoebe: I did not want my brown hair back, I wanted to keep that lost. Darryl: You were blonde when you answered the door. How'd it change? Phoebe: Well, it must be because I coloured my hair in that sink. So technically I lost it there and now I've found it again. I hope this doesn't affect my virginity. Piper: Wait, so everything is coming back to where it was lost? That means you lost your... oh! (Hundreds of socks fall out of the laundry room.) Phoebe: Okay, so it's a big side effect. Piper: Those better be clean. If not, it's laundry day for you, missy. [Cut back up to the attic.] Tom: You don't scare me. I've been trained to deal with witches. Prue: I'd forgotten how proud you were when we knew each other. Tom: I've forgotten you completely. Prue: You don't want to tell me what happened because you don't want to admit how badly you screwed up. Tom: I didn't. Prue: It's obvious. While you were still human, you were stupid enough to enter into some demonic contract. Tom: I was never human. Prue: You had to have been. Otherwise, you wouldn't have made it into the academy. Yes, I know about the academy. I know about the chevrons. I also know that you haven't killed your innocent, yet. Tom: I will. Prue: You'll have to get past me first. Tom: Kellman'll kill us both if I don't. Prue: Kellman. Tom, I know who you are, the person that you were, alright, and I know that somewhere in there it still exists. Look, Tom. (Prue shows him the yearbook.) This is who you are, alright? This is who your mother is waiting for. Tom: Vanquish me, or I will kill you, witch. Prue: Neither is going to happen, alright? I am going to save you from yourself whether you like it or not. (She loosens the ropes with her power. She walks out of the attic.) [Cut to the kitchen. Prue walks in. The room is full of stuff.] Prue: Okay, so I think I have an idea of how to... whoa. Phoebe: My lost and found spell's a little too enthusiastic. Piper: We're finding stuff all over the house. It's endless. Darryl: I don't mean to sound paranoid, but after all these years I think I've earned that right. How do you know your spell is not gonna find demons that you're already vanquished? Piper: Oh, you mean like Belthazor. Prue: Okay, one demon at a time. Did you get anything on Tom? Darryl: Just a missing persons file. (Darryl hands her the file.) Prue: Alright, anything on a man named Kellman? (They hear a door close.) Piper: What was that? Prue: That would be Tom escaping. Phoebe: What? Prue: Yeah, I loosened his ropes. I'm hoping to track him down to the demon that turned him, break him, break his hold on Tom. Anything that you can get me on Kellman I'd appreciate, okay? Phoebe: Alright, I guess we're going now. Piper: Shouldn't we reverse the spell first? (The girls leave the kitchen. The wind blows through the kitchen and freaks Darryl out.) [Scene: A building. Tom is making his way to Kellman's office. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are following behind. Tom walks inside his office.] Prue: Alright, you ready? Phoebe: Ready for what? Prue: To save him. (Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk into Kellman's office. No one's there.) Phoebe: Where'd he go? Prue: Doesn't make any sense. If he could vanish, he would have done it before. Piper: I got a bad feeling about this. [Cut to the underground. Tom gets out of the elevator and walks over to Kellman.] Tom: I have good news, Mr. Kellman. Kellman: You killed the innocent. Tom: Better. I can deliver you three witches. Kellman: Witches? I don't care about witches. I care about deadlines. Yours and mine. You know, if I weren't running out of time, I'd have you drum... (Kellman leans over and sniffs Tom.) Is that humanity I'm sensing from you? Huh? Now how did that come back? That was supposed to be drummed out of you by now. You need a refresher course. (Lights comes on around a wrestling ring. Two demons take Tom away.) [Cut back to Kellman's office. Piper picks up a soccer ball.] Piper: This is weird. So Kellman poses as a human and then what? Gives athletes a way out of their problems? Phoebe: Yeah, a demonic way out. Prue: Alright, what about your lost and found spell? Do you think you could rewrite it to find Tom? Phoebe: Maybe. Uh, how about, "Show me the past that I cannot find, to save Tom and restore Prue's piece of mind." (The elevator appears.) Piper: Oh, whoa. Prue: Way to go, Pheebs. [Cut to the underground. A guy and a really large wrestler are in the ring. The wrestler starts throwing the guy around.] [Cut back to the office. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are standing in the elevator.] Piper: Remind me again why we are doing this. Phoebe: Because your sisters have a thing for saving bad boys. Piper: If I die before I get married, I'm gonna be really mad at the two of you. (They get on the elevator and it goes down to the underground. The doors open.) Phoebe: Oh god. Piper: Okay, I'd still like to point out that I have a really bad feeling about this. (They walk out of the elevator and see them wrestling.) What the...? Phoebe: Oh, no. Wrestler: I'm the man! (The wrestler holds the guy on the mat and a hole opens up beneath him. The guy falls into the flames.) Kellman: Next! (Tom goes in the ring.) Prue: Tom. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Continued from before.] Prue: Tom. (Prue starts to walk over but Phoebe and Piper stop her.) Piper: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Phoebe: Whoa! Piper: Are you nuts? Phoebe: Maybe we need to go back up top and rethink this whole thing. Prue: Oh, well, you know what, Phoebe? That would be such a great plan if Tom weren't seconds away from annihilation. Phoebe: Okay, so we're supposed to risk our lives to save a demon? Of course, it's okay now that it's your demon, right? Piper: The thing is, isn't it silly for the three of us to sacrifice ourselves for one guy, whatever kind of guy he was? Prue: Alright, what kind of witches would we be if we started playing the odds, if we started picking and choosing our innocents? I mean, this is what we do, isn't it? Phoebe: Then let's do it. Prue: Okay. Piper: But... Prue: Tom! (The men start to run over to them and Piper freezes them all but Kellman, Tom and the wrestler. Kellman makes a ball with three sharp blades sticking out of it hover near Tom.) Kellman: Your little parlour tricks may work on some of the newer boys but the rest of us will be a little tougher. (He pulls up his sleeve to reveal eight chevrons on his arm.) [Cut to the police station. Darryl's in a room looking through a file cabinet. Leo orbs in. Darryl quickly shuts the door.] Darryl: Man, you can't do that around here! Leo: I can't sense the girls anywhere, which is never good. Do you know where they might be? Darryl: They were tailing their demon, hoping he would lead them to his... bigger demon. Leo: Do you know who that is? Darryl: Prue asked me to check a manager named Kellman. He paid all of Tom's bills after he disappeared, but... Leo: He could be a recruiter. Do you have an address? (Darryl hands Leo a file.) Darryl: Do you think Kellman's a demon? Well, what kind of powers do you think we should expect? (Leo looks at the file and orbs out.) Oh, see, okay, now that ain't right. [Cut back to the underground.] Kellman: You girls are way out of your league down here. You have no idea. Prue: Well, we know that you have a deadline, Mr. Kellman. Time to deliver your recruits? Kellman: And you think you can stop me, hmm? Think you can save him? I kind of admire that level of arrogance. Prue: Thanks. We kind of like to think of it as confidence. Kellman: Well, get over it. He's lost. Tom: I made a deal. I stand by it. (The sharp ball disappears. Tom gets out of the ring and stands next to Kellman.) Kellman: Now, you see that? Now, that's what I call a quick recovery, huh? Knocked the humanity right out of him and we got a perfect kill for him too. Piper: Uh, not if we put him on ice. (Piper freezes him.) Kind of hard to make him kill an innocent now, huh? Kellman: Unfreeze him. Piper: Nope. (Kellman walks towards Piper.) Piper: Ah! If anything happens to me, he's gonna stay that way. Phoebe: (whispers) Is that true? Piper: (whispers) Yes. Kellman: You're bluffing. Prue: Are we? Kellman: I'm listening. Prue: Alright, how about three witches in exchange for Tom's soul? Phoebe: Prue! Prue: If we win, we get Tom back. If we lose, you get Tom and the three of us. Risk one to gain four. Kellman: You really think you can win in the ring? Prue: Well, you know, we don't really have much of a choice. But if we do win, we don't go into the training program. We go free. Kellman: Did your homework. Okay, you got a deal. You win, you go free. But if you lose, you die. I can't control what happens in the ring, only the source can. Prue: Understood. (Prue, Piper and Phoebe move away and take off their coats.) Piper: Hey, you that bad feeling I was talking about? It's getting stronger. Prue: Alright, you need to stay here and keep Tom frozen, okay? Piper: I hate this crappy freezing power! Prue: Okay, our powers seem to have a limited effect on these guys. So we're gonna have to outmaneuver them. Phoebe: And outsmart them and keep our shoulders off the mat. Piece of cake. Prue: So I guess we're as ready as we're ever gonna be. Phoebe: Uh, Prue, there's one more thing. Piper: Now? Now is your perfect moment? Phoebe: Piper, we might die in there. Piper: That doesn't mean you should tell her now. Prue: Okay, tell me what? Phoebe: Cole is still alive. I never really vanquished him. Prue: What? Kellman: By the way, since you're witches, I think it's only fair that I even the playing field. (Two very large wrestlers come out.) Wrestler #2: (yelling) You look at this face! This is the face of pain and I'm the bringer of pain! And I'm gonna destroy you! You can cry for mercy but I don't know the meaning of the word! Prue: Alright, and people think this is entertainment. Phoebe: Prue... (Phoebe touches Prue's arm and she pulls away.) Prue: Ooh! Phoebe: Are we okay? Prue: Not by a long shot. Look, Phoebe, it you waited till now to tell me about Cole in hopes that we would die and you wouldn't have to deal with me, you have another thing coming. (Prue walk away.) Phoebe: (to Piper) I think that went well. (Prue and Phoebe go into the ring.) Prue: Alright, I am going to win this fight and save your ass. That way I can kick it myself later. Phoebe: Hi. Piper: Oh boy, oh boy. (Prue jumps up and kicks both of the wrestlers in the head.) Phoebe: Wow. (They all start fighting.) Piper: Okay, oh god, oh god, come on, do something! Get angry! Focus! Get motivated! Prue, listen to me. She lied to you big time. Big time lied to you. Come on, get angry! Come on, or else we're in big deep. Phoebe, she thinks you're a weakling, like, big time sucker for love. Oh god! (Kellman puts the sharp ball in Piper's back. She falls to the floor. Everyone unfreezes.) Prue: Piper! Kellman: Called your bluff. Phoebe: Piper! (The wrestlers continue to beat up Prue and Phoebe.) Kellman: (to Tom) Let's go see how mum's doing, shall we? Clever. Yeah, baby. (One of the wrestlers holds Phoebe down on the mat. The hole starts to open.) Phoebe: No! Aah, Prue! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Underground. Continued from before. Prue kicks both the wrestlers and helps Phoebe up.] Phoebe: Thank you. Prue: Alright, we have to save Piper. Phoebe: How do we do that? Prue: By kicking ass. (They kick the wrestlers in the head and they fall on the mat. Prue and Phoebe hold the wrestlers down. The hold starts to open.) Alright, 1, 2, 3. (Prue and Phoebe move out of the way and the wrestlers fall down the hole. Prue and Phoebe run over to Piper.) Prue: Anyone else want a piece of this? (The demons run away.) Phoebe: Prue, it looks really bad. I don't know if we're gonna make it to Leo. Prue: Yeah, we will, come on. (They drag her to the elevator.) [Cut to Kellman's office. Leo's there looking through his stuff. Prue and Phoebe carry Piper out of the elevator.] Phoebe: Leo! Leo: What happened? Prue: Hurry! I think she's stopped breathing. (They lay her on the ground and Leo pulls out the sharp ball. He starts to heal her.) Leo: It's working. Phoebe: Okay, not that I'm not thrilled to see you, but what are you doing here, Leo? Leo: I was looking for you. I thought I'd start with Kellman. Phoebe: He's the recruiter. Leo: I figured. The Elders think the key to destroying him is to turn one of his recruits against him. Phoebe: So first we have to figure out a way to save Tom. Prue: Alright, so I'll call Morris, get him to bring Tom's mum to the manor. Then we just have to figure out a way to get Tom there. Phoebe: Wait, you want them in the same house? Prue: Yeah, she's gotta be the key to saving him, otherwise why would Kellman want Tom to kill her? Phoebe: Okay, well, maybe I could figure out a way to tweak the lost and found spell again, lure him to the house and after all, Tom's a lost soul, right? Prue: She gonna be okay? Leo: Yeah, go. I'll take care of Piper. Prue: You sure? Leo: Yeah. (Prue and Phoebe walk outside.) Phoebe: Prue, maybe we should talk about this first. Prue: Yeah, we'll have to figure how to take out Kellman on the way. Phoebe: That's not what I meant. Prue: Now's not really the time, Phoebe. Phoebe: Prue, what if we don't have any time? Look, we may not be able to defeat Kellman. We could lose. Prue: We won't lose. Phoebe: How do you know that, Prue? All you want to do is save Tom, which is all I wanted to do for Cole. Prue: Okay, Phoebe, don't try and turn this around on me, alright? I'm not the one who kept secrets from you. Phoebe: I didn't tell you because I knew you wouldn't understand. You hated Cole. Prue: No, I didn't trust him, and I was right. Phoebe: You never gave him a chance. Prue: He didn't deserve a chance. Phoebe: Oh, and what makes Tom deserve a chance? Prue: Because he started out good. He didn't start out trying to kill us. Can we talk about this later? [Cut back to Kellman's office. Leo heals Piper.] Piper: Hey, guess what? I found mum's ring. (She sits up.) Ooh. (They hug.) [Scene: Outside Mrs. Peters' place. Mrs. Peters gets some groceries out of her car. Darryl pulls up and walks over to her.] Darryl: Mrs. Peters? Detective Morris, San Francisco P.D. Mrs. Peters: Tom? [Cut to the manor. Rasputin is on the couch barking at eerie noises. Darryl and Mrs. Peters walk in.] Mrs. Peters: What was that? What are those noises? Darryl: I'm not quite sure. (Prue and Phoebe come in.) Prue: Thanks for coming, Mrs. Peters. Mrs. Peters: But I don't understand. Prue: You will soon. Any sign of Kellman? Darryl: No, but there are plenty of other signs. Phoebe: Uh-oh, seems like some lost souls were found. Prue: Yeah, we need to reverse this spell quick. Mrs. Peters: Where's Tom? (Kellman and Tom walk in.) Tom! (Darryl stops Mrs. Peters from going over to him.) Darryl: No! Kellman: How did you... Prue: 'Cause we're not done with you yet. Kellman: I told you it was too late to save Tom. But thank you for leading us to the victim. Kill her, Tom. (Tom throws a fireball at his mother. Darryl pushes her out of the way. Prue uses her power on Kellman.) Prue: Listen to me. Look at your mother. Remember what it felt like to be human. Remember what it feels like to be loved. (Kellman makes the sharp ball appear near Mrs. Peters' neck. The lost souls fly around the room.) Phoebe: Prue, we're about to have other problems from other worlds. Mrs. Peters: Tom? Help me! Kellman: Kill her, damn it. (Tom goes over and grabs onto the ball. He hesitates and then throws it at Kelllman. The lost souls fly around him.) Phoebe: What the hell is happening? Prue: I think there are some lost souls welcoming a new friend. Get rid of them. Phoebe: "I return what I didn't want to find, let it be out of sight, out of mind." (Kellman is vanquished and the souls disappear. Tom's chevrons disappear.) Tom: Mum. Mum, I'm so sorry. (They hug.) Mrs. Peters: Oh! Oh, Tommy! It's alright. Everything's alright. Phoebe: I guess some guys are worth saving after all. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Leo are there. They are looking at their mother's ring which is now on Piper's finger.] Piper: Isn't that beautiful? Prue: Yes, and it's right where it belongs. So is Tom, by the way, at home with his mum. Leo: And I got Rasputin back to the family he was living with. Phoebe: So maybe the spell wasn't such a bad thing after all. Piper: Are you kidding? We're gonna have to hold a huge garage sale every Saturday for like the next three months to get rid of all the stuff that came back here. Leo: Yeah. Who knows what trouble may be caused if those lost souls had stayed around. Phoebe: Okay, okay, I will fix it. You guys go and have a nice dinner. (Piper and Leo leave the manor. Prue and Phoebe walk in the living room. Phoebe burns the spell in the fireplace.) So now everything's back to normal. Prue: What about your hair? Phoebe: Mmm, I'm tempted to keep it but I don't know, I think the blonde's coming back. Prue: Is anything else? Phoebe: No. You were right about Tom and I was wrong about Cole. I'm sorry. Prue: And you think that just takes care of it? I'm sorry? Phoebe: Well, obviously an apology doesn't fix it, but I'm not stupid, Prue, I know that I made a bad choice. Prue: A choice that betrayed us. Phoebe: I didn't do it to betray you, Prue, I did it out of love. Prue: Right. Love. Love that almost got all of us killed. Phoebe: You wanted to save Tom after, I don't know, how many years? Why can't you understand how I felt about Cole? Prue: Phoebe, what I don't understand is how you could have lied to us. Piper and me, a lie, that still poses a threat to all three of us. Phoebe: Where do we go from here? Prue: I don't know.	Plan: A: a premonition; Q: What does Phoebe have about a demon attacking a young man named Tom? A: Prue; Q: Who is surprised to find that the demon is Tom? A: a sports agent; Q: What is the demon posing as? A: his latest recruit; Q: What is Tom's role in the demon's demon academy? A: his demon academy; Q: Where does the demon recruit recruits to become demons? A: their humanity; Q: What do the recruits of the demon academy lose? A: an underworld wrestling ring; Q: Where do the sisters agree to fight to save Tom's soul? A: the best way; Q: How does Phoebe try to tell her sisters about Cole? Summary: When Phoebe has a premonition about a demon attacking a young man named Tom, Prue is surprised to find that the intended victim is an old boyfriend of hers. The sisters soon discover that the demon is posing as a sports agent and that Tom is his latest recruit for his demon academy, where the recruits shed the last of their humanity and become demons. Not wanting to lose Tom, Prue agrees that she and her sisters will fight in an underworld wrestling ring to save his soul. Meanwhile, Phoebe tries to find the best way to tell her sisters about Cole.
THE DEADLY ASSASSIN BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part Four Running time: 24:23 [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: You wistful, you craven-hearted spineless poltroon. You failed me. GOTH: Too, too strong. Too much artron energy. MASTER: Bah. There's only one chance now. GOTH: Master, what are you doing? MASTER: I must trap him in the Matrix. GOTH: No, Master, no. For pity's sake! The connections. You'll kill me. MASTER: I've no time to waste on you. [SCENE_BREAK] ENGIN: The circuits! SPANDRELL: No, you can't! If you cut the power, the Doctor will die in there. ENGIN: But the circuits are blowing. If there's a fire, the whole panatropic net, thousands of brain patterns will be destroyed forever. SPANDRELL: They're not alive. The Doctor is, I hope. ENGIN: It's all right, Spandrell. He's made it. [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: They've cut the net. He must be out. GOTH: You fiend. Why did I believe in you? MASTER: I'll cheat them yet. I'm not beaten. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Do you mind? This is a non-smoking compartment. ENGIN: What? DOCTOR: What? SPANDRELL: How do you feel, Doctor? DOCTOR: Tired. SPANDRELL: Yes, you'd better rest. You took quite a beating in there. DOCTOR: You should see the other fellow. Where is he, by the way? ENGIN: Who? DOCTOR: Goth. SPANDRELL: Did you say Goth, the Chancellor? DOCTOR: Yes. The Master's legman. He's the assassin, Spandrell. SPANDRELL: That's why he wanted a quick execution. DOCTOR: Yes. Yes. That's right. DOCTOR: It was Goth, remember, who ordered my TARDIS to be transducted into the Capitol. He knew I was still inside it. Goth must have his own link with the Matrix. A tap-in. We've got to trace it back to him before he recovers. What's underneath here? ENGIN: Only service ducts. DOCTOR: Is that all? ENGIN: Well, a long way down, vaults and foundations dating from the old time. DOCTOR: Come on, come on. Show me. [SCENE_BREAK] SPANDRELL: Doctor. DOCTOR: The Master. SPANDRELL: Is he dead? DOCTOR: Yes. ENGIN: The Chancellor's still alive. SPANDRELL: Not for long, by the look of him. ENGIN: He must have taken the full shock. GOTH: So, Doctor, you beat us in the end. DOCTOR: Goth. Goth, why did you do it? GOTH: Wanted power. Wanted to be President. DOCTOR: But you would have been. GOTH: President told me I was not his successor. SPANDRELL: So you killed him? GOTH: For him, the Master. His plan. DOCTOR: What was his plan, Goth? GOTH: Met him on Tersurus. He was dying. No more regeneration possible. Promised me share all his knowledge if I bring him to Gallifrey. DOCTOR: Goth? Goth, what was his plan? GOTH: Couldn't fight his mental dominance. Did everything he asked. Sorry now. DOCTOR: Goth, what was ENGIN: It's no use, Doctor. DOCTOR: No answer to a straight question. Typical politician. [SCENE_BREAK] SPANDRELL: It seems clear how it happened. The Master tried to trap the Doctor in the APC net by overloading the neuron fields. Then he collapsed and died, leaving Chancellor Goth still connected into the circuit. BORUSA: Natural causes? SPANDRELL: Yes, sir. His body was extremely emaciated. He had come to the end of his regeneration cycle. BORUSA: No. DOCTOR: No what, Cardinal? BORUSA: The story is not acceptable. This is a very difficult, very delicate position. We must adjust the truth. ENGIN: In what way, Cardinal? BORUSA: In a way that will maintain public confidence in the Time Lords and their leadership. How many people have seen this Master since his death? SPANDRELL: Apart from ourselves, Hildred and the two guards who took the body to the Panopticon vault. BORUSA: Then we shall rely on their silence. We shall change the appearance of the corpse, Castellan. We all know the posthumous effect of a staser bolt. Within the hour, the body will be charred beyond recognition. Our story is going to be that the Master arrived in Gallifrey to assassinate the President, secretly. Before he could escape, Chancellor Goth tracked him down and killed him, unfortunately perishing himself in the exchange of fire. Now that's much better. I can believe that. ENGIN: You're making Goth into a hero? BORUSA: If heroes don't exist, it is necessary to invent them. Good for public morale. ENGIN: And the Doctor's part in all this? BORUSA: Best forgotten. Of course, Doctor, the charge against you will be dropped. DOCTOR: How kind. BORUSA: Conditional on your leaving Gallifrey tonight. DOCTOR: Somehow, Cardinal, I don't want to stay. BORUSA: Good. I believe you know something of the Master's past. DOCTOR: We've bumped into each other from time to time. BORUSA: Then before you leave, you can assist Coordinator Engin to compile a new biog of him. It doesn't have to be entirely accurate. DOCTOR: Like Time Lord history. BORUSA: A few facts, Coordinator, will lend it verisimilitude. We cannot make the Master into a public enemy if there is no data on him. ENGIN: I can have an authentic seeming data extract ready by morning, Cardinal. BORUSA: I'll leave that to you then. Later, Castellan, we must take another look at data security. We cannot have Time Lord DEs simply vanishing from the records. SPANDRELL: I agree, sir. BORUSA: Well, I think that's all. You'll attend immediately to the cosmetic treatment? SPANDRELL: Sorry? BORUSA: The body, Castellan. DOCTOR: Only in mathematics will we find truth. ENGIN: What? DOCTOR: Borusa used to say that during my time at the Academy, and now he's setting out to prove it. [SCENE_BREAK] HILDRED: Over there? HILDRED: Commander Hildred, Sector seven. SPANDRELL (on screen): A little job for you, well within your capacity. Come to the Chancellery. HILDRED: Immediately, Castellan. [SCENE_BREAK] ENGIN: What about his character? DOCTOR: Bad. ENGIN: Oh, Doctor, could you please be a little more specific? DOCTOR: Yes. He was evil, cunning and resourceful. Highly developed powers of ESP and a formidable hypnotist. And the more I think about it, the less likely it seems. ENGIN: What? DOCTOR: Well, that the Master would meekly accept the end of his regeneration cycle. It's not his style at all. ENGIN: But that's something we must all accept, Doctor. DOCTOR: Thank you. Not the Master. No, he had some sort of plan. That's why he came here, Engin. ENGIN: After the twelfth regeneration, there is no plan that will postpone death. DOCTOR: He had a plan. Something to do with Goth becoming the President. What's so special about the President, Engin? ENGIN: Nothing. He's simply an elected Time Lord, usually from some senior position. He holds the symbols of office, but otherwise he's no different from any other Time Lord. DOCTOR: Symbols. ENGIN: Yes. Relics from the old time. The Sash of Rassilon. The Key. DOCTOR: Tell me about Rassilon. ENGIN: Well, it's all in the book of the old time. But there's a modern transgram that's much less difficult. DOCTOR: Could we hear that? ENGIN: You mean now? DOCTOR: Oh! ENGIN: What is it? DOCTOR: Engin, I can feel my hair curling, and that means either it's going to rain or else I'm on to something. [SCENE_BREAK] HILDRED: I understand, Castellan. SPANDRELL: I chose you for this special mission because he's already dead. You are unlikely to miss him. HILDRED: No, sir. SPANDRELL: Right, off you go. Not a word to anyone. HILDRED: Castellan, we found this in the adytum, under the chair where the body was. SPANDRELL: Empty, but enough traces to analyse, no doubt. Thank you, Commander. And report back after you've restructured the Master. [SCENE_BREAK] ENGIN: And today we tend to think of Rassilon as the founder of our modern civilisation. But in his own time he was regarded mainly as an engineer and an architect. And, of course, it was long before we turned aside from the barren road of technology. DOCTOR: Yes, that's all very interesting. Could we hear the transgram? ENGIN: Early history is something of a pet subject. WOMAN (OOV.): And Rassilon journeyed into the black void with a great fleet. Within the void, no light would shine and nothing of that outer nature continue in being, except that which existed within the Sash of Rassilon. DOCTOR: Must be a black hole. ENGIN: What? DOCTOR: Shush. WOMAN (OOV.): Now Rassilon found the Eye of Harmony, which balances all things, that they may neither flux nor wither nor change their state in any measure. And he caused the Eye to be brought to the world of Gallifrey wherein he sealed this beneficence with the Great Key. DOCTOR: What's the Great Key? WOMAN (OOV.): Then the people rejoiced ENGIN: It's an ebonite rod carried by the President on ceremonial occasions. But it's actual function, if it ever had one, is a complete mystery. DOCTOR: Where's it kept? ENGIN: In the Panopticon. There's a display case of relics. DOCTOR: And the Sash of Rassilon, where's that? ENGIN: Oh, that's held by the President. That stays in his possession. DOCTOR: Of course. What a stupendous egotist. ENGIN: Who? DOCTOR: The Master. He'd have destroyed Gallifrey, the Time Lords, everything, just for the sake of his own survival. SPANDRELL: It seems that the Master didn't die from natural causes. DOCTOR: What? SPANDRELL: He killed himself. Careful, it's poison. DOCTOR: Tricophenyladehyde. SPANDRELL: Deadly, no doubt. DOCTOR: No. It's a neural inhibitor. Spandrell, we've been fooled. SPANDRELL: What? DOCTOR: The Master, he's still alive. SPANDRELL: I've just sent Hildred to staser him. [SCENE_BREAK] SPANDRELL: The vault's this way. [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: Bah. SPANDRELL: Hildred. The Master, he's gone. SPANDRELL: Look. ENGIN: Amazing. DOCTOR: The Master's consumed with hatred. It's his one great weakness. MASTER: Ha. Weakness, Doctor? Hate is strength. DOCTOR: Not in your case. You'd delay an execution to pull the wings off a fly. MASTER: This time, Doctor, the execution will not be delayed. Castellan, I assure you I am not nearly so infirm as I look. Now you, bring me the Sash of Rassilon. Oh yes, Doctor, why else do you think I feigned death? When Goth failed me, it was necessary to more direct means. But the Sash is wasted on our dead friend, don't you think so? Bring it to me! DOCTOR: Don't do it, Engin. MASTER: A stupid remark, Doctor. Resistance is futile now. DOCTOR: Don't give him the Sash, Engin. MASTER: I have suffered long enough from your stupid, stubborn interference in my designs. Now we are coming to the end of our conflict, Doctor. DOCTOR: Why have you brought me here? MASTER: As a scapegoat for the killing of the President. Who else but you, Doctor? So despicably good, so insufferably compassionate. I wanted you to die in ignominious shame and disgrace. MASTER: Now, do as I say, Coordinator, or you'll get the same. MASTER: They're not dead. Stunned. They'll live long enough to see the end of this accursed planet, and for the Doctor to taste the full bitterness of his defeat! DOCTOR: The Sash. Where's the Sash? ENGIN: It's gone. DOCTOR: What? ENGIN: Well, what could I do? It's only of symbolic value anyway. DOCTOR: Engin, that Sash is a technological masterpiece. It protects its wearer from being sucked into a parallel universe. All he needs now is the Great Key and he can regenerate himself and release a force that'll obliterate this entire stellar system. ENGIN: You really mean it? DOCTOR: Well of course I mean it. Don't you realise what Rassilon did? What the Eye of Harmony is? Remember? That which balances all things. It can only be the nucleus of a black hole. SPANDRELL: But the Eye of Harmony is a myth. It no longer exists. DOCTOR: A myth? Spandrell, all the power of the Time Lords devolves from it. Neither flux nor wither nor change their state. Rassilon stabilised all the elements of a black hole and set them in an eternally dynamic equation against the mass of the planet. If the Master interferes, it'll be the end not only of this world, but of a hundred other worlds too. [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: Rassilon's star, the Eye of Harmony. [SCENE_BREAK] ENGIN: It's no good. We can never move it. DOCTOR: You're right, but we've got to get out of this place. DOCTOR: There's a light up there. Where does that lead, Spandrell? SPANDRELL: The Panopticon. An old service shaft. DOCTOR: Right. ENGIN: It's a hundred feet, Doctor, at least. DOCTOR: Oh, come on, come on, give us a bunk up. ENGIN: What's that? SPANDRELL: If the Doctor's right, the end of the world is approaching. [SCENE_BREAK] MASTER: Rassilon's discovery, all mine. I shall have supreme power over the universe. Master of all matter! Bwhahahaha! MASTER: Doctor, my congratulations. You're just in time for the end. DOCTOR: You're insane. You're insane, do you hear me? You're releasing a force that nothing can stop. MASTER: Take the Rod. You can take it with you to your grave, except that none of you will need a grave. DOCTOR: If you undo that, you'll die as surely as any of us. MASTER: You can do better than that, Doctor. Even in extremis, I wear the Sash of Rassilon. DOCTOR: Yes, and the President was wearing it when he was shot down. The Sash won't protect you. It's damaged. MASTER: You lie. [SCENE_BREAK] BORUSA: Half the city in ruins. Untold damage, countless lives lost. ENGIN: But for the Doctor it could have been much worse. BORUSA: Yes indeed, I am conscious of the debt we owe the Doctor. But Gallifrey has never know such a catastrophe, such devastation. What will we say? DOCTOR: Well, you'll just have to adjust the truth again, Cardinal. What about subsidence owing to a plague of mice? BORUSA: As I believe I told you long ago, Doctor, you will never amount to anything in the galaxy while you retain your propensity for vulgar facetiousness. DOCTOR: Yes, sir. You said that many times, sir. May I go, sir? BORUSA: Certainly you may, preferably with the utmost expedition. Perhaps you will see that the transduction barriers are raised, Castellan. SPANDRELL: Yes, sir. BORUSA: Oh, Doctor? DOCTOR: Sir? BORUSA: Nine out of ten. DOCTOR: Oh. Thank you, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] ENGIN: You know, Doctor, if you wanted to stay, I'm sure any past difficulties could be overlooked. DOCTOR: But I like it out there, thank you very much. SPANDRELL: The barriers are raised, Doctor. DOCTOR: Thank you, Spandrell. ENGIN: It's we who should thank you, Doctor, for destroying the Master. DOCTOR: Well, I didn't actually see him fall, you know. I was quite busy. ENGIN: Oh, but if by some miracle he survived the fall into that chasm, he was dying anyway. DOCTOR: There was a good deal of power coming out of that monolith, and the Sash would have helped him to convert it. SPANDRELL: Are you suggesting he survived? DOCTOR: No, no, I hope not, Spandrell. And there's no one in all the galaxies I'd say that about. The quintessence of evil. Goodbye, Spandrell. SPANDRELL: Goodbye, Doctor. ENGIN: Goodbye, Doctor! DOCTOR: Oh, goodbye, Engin, goodbye. SPANDRELL: Look, the Master. ENGIN: Where do you think they're heading? SPANDRELL: Out into the universe. But, you know, I have a feeling it isn't big enough for the two of them. MASTER: Bwhahahaha!	Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who realizes the Master is planning to tap into the Time Lords' power source to extend his own life? A: Gallifrey; Q: What planet is the Master planning to destroy? Summary: The Doctor realises the Master is planning to tap into the Time Lords' power source to extend his own life, an act that will destroy all Gallifrey.
Produced by: Robert Carlock & Wendy Knoller [Scene: Central Perk. Joey's sitting on the couch and Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Oh, hey Joey. Joey: Uh, hey. Phoebe: Listen, I need to ask you something. Ok, you know how my step dad's in prison. Joey: (afraid) Yeah. Phoebe: Yeah. Well, uhm... listen he was supposed to get a weekend furlough, so he'd come to the wedding tomorrow, but he just called and... uhm... well, apparently stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just couldn't wait till Monday. Joey: So he can't come? Phoebe: No, and so there's no one to walk me down the aisle and... well, I would just really love it if you would do it. Joey: Seriously? Phoebe: Yeah, you've... you know, sort of been like a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom... Joey: I am pretty wisdomous. Phoebe: So... what do you say? Joey: Are you kidding? Phoebe, I would be honored. (they hug) Phoebe: Oh, thank you. I hope... I hope you know how much you mean to me. Joey: (takes her hand) Listen, I hope... that you know... (has difficulty saying it) I don't want you to see your father cry, GO TO YOUR ROOM! OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch. A waitress brings a coffee and Phoebe wants to pay.] Phoebe: Oh. Joey: Oh no, no, no, let your dad get this. Phoebe: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, it's my wedding planner. She's driving me crazy! (she answers) Hello... Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right, so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't matter to me! Monica: (she enters with a headset on and she's speaking into the microphone) Well, it matters to me! Phoebe: Well, I don't care, so you pick! Monica: Did you just hung up on me? (she hangs up too) All right, look, I need you at the rehearsal dinner tonight at 1800 hours. Phoebe: Uh-uh. Ok. What time is that. Monica: You don't know military time? Phoebe: Why, I must have been in missile training the day they taught that. Monica: Just subtract twelve. Phoebe: Ok, so... 1800 minus twelve is... one thousand, seven hundred and... Monica: (screaming) Six o'clock! Phoebe: Ok. Monica: Ok. Hold on. (her mobile phone rings) Geller here! No! I said it has to be there by 4 o'clock. Goodbye. (she hangs up) Oh, how hard it is to make an ice sculpture? Phoebe: Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy! I told you I just want a simple wedding. Monica: Please... honey, leave the details to me. Now I wanna make this day as special for you as I can. Now, ok, I was thinking that the harpist should wear white. Phoebe: What harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing the steel drums. Monica: Ooh... she backed out. Phoebe: She did? Why? Monica: I made her. (Phoebe looks shocked) Steel drums don't really say "elegant wedding". Nor does Marjorie's overwhelming scent. Phoebe: (looking angry) Hey! She will shower when Tibet is free. [Scene: The wedding rehearsal dinner.] Chandler: Hey! Phoebe: Hey! Chandler: You look great. I'm so glad we're having this rehearsal dinner, you know, I so rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them. Phoebe: Okay, what did we say was your one gift to us? Chandler: No stupid jokes. I thought that was for the actual wedding. Phoebe: Rehearse it! Ross: Hi! (he kisses Phoebe) Mike: Thanks for coming you guys. Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going for a hand shake. Mike: Is that why your hand is pressed against my crotch? Ross: That is why! Mike: Yeah. Phoebe: So Rach. Rachel: Yeah. Phoebe: Where is Emma? Rachel: Oh, Monica made me send her to my mother's. Apparently babies and weddings don't mix. Monica: (coming) Are you still crying about your damn baby? Pheebs, you gotta keep the line moving, remember, 20 seconds per person. Your see these clowns all the time! (she takes off) Joey: Hey, you're Mike's parents, right? Mike's mother: Yes, we are. Joey: Ah, our little ones are growing up fast, uh? Mike's father: How's that? Joey: You know, on the one hand you're happy for them, but on the other hand it's hard to let go. Mike's father: Who in God's name are you? Joey: Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, ok buddy? But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids! (cut to Ross, Chandler and Rachel) Chandler: (to Rachel) You know what I just realized? We have no idea what we're doing in the wedding tomorrow. Ross: Yeah, I thought we'd be groomsmen, but wouldn't they have asked us by now? When did they ask you to be their bridesmaid? Rachel: Uh... November? Ross: I wanna say it's not looking good. Rachel: Hey Pheebs... Phoebe: What's up? Rachel: Uhm... you haven't told these guys what they're doing in the wedding yet. Chandler: Heh. Phoebe: Uhm... well, they're not in the wedding. Ross: What? (Ross and Chandler don't know what to say, so there's an embarrassing long pause) Rachel: Well, this is really awkward (staring at the floor) Oh, and I can leave! Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got his brother and his friends from school so... you know, you were-you were... if it helps you, you were next in line, you just-you just missed the cut. Ross: Oh, man! Chandler: This is like figure skating team all over again. (Phoebe and Ross glare at him astonished) I mean synchronized swimming. (they continue to glare) I mean- I mean the balance beam. (to Ross) Help me! Ross: FOOTBALL! Chandler: Thank you. Monica: (looking at Phoebe eating something) Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it. Phoebe: Oh! I though the pot stickers were supposed to be vegetarian! Monica: Yeah, I changed them. I-I sent you a fax about it! Phoebe: I don't have a fax machine. Monica: Ah, well then there are gonna be a few surprises! Ross: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people that aren't in this wedding. Chandler: I know, I hate being left out of things. Ross: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not in it... Mike: Hey guys, how is it going? Chandler: Fine. We're just sitting here. Alone. Doing nothing. It's our rehearsal for tomorrow. Mike: Yeah look, about tomorrow, I... I've got a question for ya. I just found out that one of my groomsmen had had an emergency and can't make it. Chandler: What happened? Ross: Who cares, AND? Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe one of you guys... (Ross stands up) Ross: I'll do it! Chandler: (standing up too) M-Me-me-me! Mike: You both wanna do it? Uhm... there's only room for one. Chandler: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will not steal focus. Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean... watch! (he mimics the groommens way of walking down the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh? Mike: You know, I really don't feel very comfortable making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better, I'm gonna let her choose. (he leaves) Ross: (to Chandler) Well, if Phoebe's choosing, then say hello to Mike's next groomsman. Chandler: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as he is me! Ross: Please, you're going down! Chandler: You are going downer! Ross: Is that what they say on the Figure Skating Team? Chandler: (almost crying) I wouldn't know, I didn't make it! (they hug) [Scene: Wedding rehearsal dinner. Joey and Mike are talking.] Joey: So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step dad, tomorrow, right? Mike: Yeah, yeah. Hey, thanks for doing that. Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. (he suddenly becomes very serious) So what are your intentions with my Phoebe? Mike: I intend to marry her. Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. (Mike looks bewildered). No, no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable? Mike: No more so than acting. Joey: Strike two! Mike: You're right. She probably will support me. Hey, unless we move in with you, dad? Joey: Strike three! You only get one more, Mike! (Cut to Chandler and Ross. Phoebe comes out of the ladies room and they run toward her.) Ross: So, what did you decide? Phoebe: I decided to pee. Chandler: Mike didn't tell you? You have to chose one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen fell out. Phoebe: Oh no, no. I can't choose between you two! I love you both so much! Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original wedding party. Phoebe: Oh, I don't wanna choose! It's (Rachel is walking by). Oh okay, wait. Rach! Listen I have a very special bridesmaid task for you today. Rachel: (excited and clapping her hands in front of her face) Goody, what is it! Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So good luck with that. Rachel: What, what, what, no, I don't wanna do that. Phoebe: All right, I guess I'll have to find a new bridesmaid. Ross: I'll do it! (Monica approaches) Monica: Ok, it's 2100 hours. (to Phoebe) Time for your toast. (Mike appears) Mike: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom? Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You just get in, do your thing and get out! Mike: Is that what you say to Chandler? Monica: (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused. (pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up) Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I... (Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping her watch with her finger) it's not important... she is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got... it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my mother, who couldn't be here... Monica (rolling her eyes): oh God. Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands) OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT) OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You know what? You're done. Monica: What? Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his, smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his glass.) [Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey's having breakfast; Phoebe enters the room carrying her wedding dress.] Phoebe: Hey! Rachel: Happy wedding day! Phoebe: Oh, happy my wedding day to you! Rachel: Ok-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for the corsages. Joey: Oh, man! I wouldn't have had breakfast if I knew there was going to be corsages! (Monica enters the room) Monica: Hi. About last night... I know you are under a lot of stress and even though the things you said hurt me a little bit... My point is, uh, well, I'm willing to take my job back. Phoebe: Oh, well that's ok. I think you and I will do much better if you're just... here as a bridesmaid. Monica: Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you want, then here... I give you the headset. Well, I don't really want to give you the headset. Well I guess if you're taking over, you should probably return these messages. (hands her a stack of papers with messages and calls to return) Phoebe: Wow, this is a lot! Monica: Uh-huh, but I'm sure you can handle this. I mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills, but, uh, I'm sure you'll do fine. Phoebe: You won awards? Monica: Mm-mh. I printed them out on my computer. (Ross enters the room) Ross: Hey! Monica: Hi. Ross: Where's Rach? Monica: She's in her room, why? Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation, ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking! Rachel: What d'you want? Ross: You haven't by any chance chosen a groomsman yet, have you? Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon, please! Don't make this harder than it already is! Ross: I'm not! I'm making it easier! Pick me! Rachel: Well, Chandler said that it's really important to him too! Ross: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering stupid jokes in your ear the whole time! Rachel: Oh, you are the lesser of two evils! Ross: (waving his fist in the air in triumph) YES, YES! [Scene: Joey's apartment. Phoebe is talking at the phone, Monica is listening amused.] Phoebe: Sven I don't understand what you're saying! What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell are lorkins? Monica: I know. (Mike enters the room). Mike: Hey. Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would that be? Mike: (thinks a moment) Orchids? Phoebe: Right there! That's why I'm marrying you! (Joey comes out from his room) Joey: (to Mike) Hello Michael. Mike: Joseph. Joey: May I have a word with you, please? Mike: (looking around the room) This is... great... Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family... and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head) I cannot allow this. Mike: (not amused) Are you rehearsing for some really bad mafia movie? Joey: More back talk. And yes, I may be borrowing a few lines from my recent unsuccessful audition for "Family Honor 2: Thissa Time Itsa Personal." Mike: Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what do you want? Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is very very important to me, ok? And I wanna make sure that you are gonna take care of her. Mike: (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her. Joey: (very satisfied and smiling) That's what I wanted to hear! Because she's family, ok, and now you're gonna be family, and there is nothing more important in the whole world, than family. Mike: That must have been one lousy movie. Joey: (almost crying) That was ME! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is pacing and Rachel walks in.] Rachel: Hi Chandler: Hey, can I talk to you about this groomsman thing? If you pick Ross, he'll walk you down the isle just fine. But if you choose me, you'll be getting some comedy! Rachel: Even so, I think I'm gonna pick Ross. Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me. (Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen. Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know, I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are gonna come rushing back. Rachel: All right fine, I pick you. Chandler: (Getting up and raising his fist in victory) Y-Y-YEEESSS! Make "groom" for Chandler. Rachel: (not amused by his pun but forcing a smile anyway) Oh my... [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is on the phone and Monica is nonchalantly "minding her own business".] Phoebe: No! We're gonna do it my way. (listens) Because your way is stupid! Alright I gotta go, I have another call, Reverend. (switches calls) Hello? (Mike and Joey come out of Joey's room) Joey: I'm glad we had this little talk. Mike: Yes. Yeah and thanks for all the wedding night advice. (walks away) That didn't make me uncomfortable at all! Alright, so I'll see everybody tonight? Phoebe: Okay. Monica: Bye. (Mike opens the door and there is a gigantic ice sculpture standing in the doorway) Mike: Uhm, did you guys know that there is a giant ice sculpture in the hall? Phoebe: Oh my God, what's it doing here? Monica: (Obviously enjoying this setback) Ugh, I guess it got sent to the billing address as opposed to the shipping address. (by now she can barely keep herself from smiling) Uh! What a pickle. Phoebe: (starting to panic) Oh my God, everything is such a mess. Why is this happening to me? Joey: (staring at the ice sculpture) How bad do you want to stick your tongue on that? (They all glare at him) [Scene: Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee at the counter. Chandler walks in.] Chandler: How's it going? Ross: (smiling to himself) Good. I'm just getting some coffee. So I'm alert for the wedding. Chandler: (smiling to himself too) That's what I was doing too. Ross: (barely containing himself at this point) Well, you have fun tonight. Chandler: You too. Ross: Oh, I will. Chandler: Me too. (They walk passed each other, Ross towards the door, Chandler towards the counter, suddenly they turn around to face each other) Ross: Wait a minute, I know why I'm being such an ass, why are you? Chandler: I'm not supposed to tell you. Ross: I'm not supposed to tell you! (Cut to Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Ross storm in looking very unhappy) Chandler: You told us both we could be in the wedding? (they both stare at Rachel) Rachel: Well, in my defense, you were not supposed to tell each other. Ross: Rachel, only one of us can do it, you have to choose. You and me together again. (he winks at her and Rachel looks disgusted) Chandler: Rach, Rach, knock knock. Rachel: Who's there? Chandler: I'll tell you at the wedding. Rachel: Uh. (Mike walks in.) Mike: Hey, I forgot my scarf. Rachel: You know what, I can't do this. I don't know which one of you guys to pick. Mike: Oh, you haven't picked yet. Oh good, 'cause I had an idea. I thought it would be fun if the third groomsman was my family dog. Chappy. Ross: What? A dog? No! Rachel gets to choose. (all eyes turn to Rachel) Rachel: (sarcastic) Wow, this is a tough one. I think I'm gonna have to go with the dog. (Ross and Chandler look shocked) (Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on the phone.) Phoebe: Alright, wait, so what you're saying is that the chef is at the Hamilton Club, but the food is not and the drinks are there, but the bartender is not? Are you, are you FREAKING KIDDING ME!? Monica: (enjoying what she's seeing) How's it going? Phoebe: (to Monica) Help me. Monica: What? Phoebe: I want you to be Crazy Bitch again. Monica: (Sounds moved) Really? Phoebe: (Nearly in tears) Please? Monica: You really want me to come back? Phoebe: More than I wanna get married. Monica: Ok people, we are back in business! (Gets her headset out of her purse) Oh God, we've missed you soo much! (takes all the notes from Phoebe) Ok, go and get your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything. [SCENE_BREAK] (Joey walks in) Joey: Hey, what are you guys gonna do? Phoebe: (sounds scared already) About what? Joey: The blizzard. I just saw on the news, it's like the worst snow storm in 20 years! They already closed all the bridges and tunnels. (Opens the curtains to reveal a snow storm outside) Monica: Ooh! But the band and the photographer are coming all the way in from New Jersey! Joey: I don't think they are. Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry Pheebs. [Scene: Monica's apartment. They are all sitting around.] Monica: (Putting down her phone) Well, the club lost it's power. Joey: Yeah according to the news, most of the city did. Rachel: Since when do you watch the news? Joey: Uh, for your information, since they hired a very hot weather girl. Ross: (To Phoebe and Mike) I can't believe you guys aren't going to be able to get married today. Phoebe: I know. Rachel: Wow, you know, it's so beautiful out there. You always wanted to get married outside. Why don't you guys just do it on the street? Phoebe: What? Rachel: Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. I mean you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. This could be the simple wedding you've always wanted! Phoebe: (Turning to Mike) What do you think? Mike: I think I wanna get married to you today. Phoebe: Me too! (turning to Monica) Monica, do you think we could do it? Monica: (thinking) AFFIRMATIVE! [Scene: Outside. They are a bunch of people arranging chairs, shoveling snow and making other preparations.] Monica: (walking around with her headset still on) OK LET'S GET THESE CHAIRS OUT HERE! Gunther, hit the Christmas lights. (He does so and the lights above the chairs light up. Monica looks satisfied) Okay, who left the ice sculpture (picks up a piece of ice from the ground) ON THE STEAM GRATE? (nobody answers) Mike's mom: Michael! Mike: Hey! You made it. Great! Chappy! Hi! (kisses his dad) Hi! (kisses his mom) Mom, I know getting married in the street isn't something you approve of... Mike's mom: No... It's lovely. The lights and the snow. I could look at them forever. Mike's dad: (leans in towards Mike) I crushed a pill and put it in her drink... (to his wife) Come on, sweetheart. Mike: (to Chandler and Ross) You know, Chappy's too small to handle all this snow. Someone's gonna have to walk him down the aisle. Chandler: So technically, would this person be in the wedding? Mike: I guess. Chandler and Ross: I'll do it! Ross: No, but Chandler, hello... Aren't you scared of dogs? Chandler: I'm not scared. (moves towards Mike and Chappy) I'll just take little Chappy and... (he backs out) HE CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED. Ross: (takes Chappy from Mike) Well, I guess I'm in the wedding then. Ha haaa... (smells Chappy) He stinks! Monica: Level 1 alert. I repeat, level 1. This is not a drill. Okay we've got a situation. The minister just called. He's snowed in. He can't make it. Mike: Oh, no! Joey: Oh hey, don't worry. I'm still ordained from your wedding. Monica: Really? Joey: Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway? Huhuh... Ross: Uhm, ministers don't ride the subway for free. Joey: I had to read the Bible pretty carefully, but... yeah we do. Monica: Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle. Chandler: (quickly) I'll do it. Ross: I'll... Chandler: (to Ross) Na ha ha... (to Chappy) Ne he he... (Ross moves Chappy to Chandler, who quickly backs away) Ah ah... Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler, come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy, who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell. He is clearly disgusted by it.) (Cut to inside Central Perk where Rachel is helping Phoebe. Chandler and Monica enter.) Monica: Okay, Joey's doing the ceremony and Chandler's giving you away. Phoebe: Oh, okay. Hi new dad. (Chandler waves) Monica: So, you're ready to do this? Phoebe: Uhuh, uhuh... Oh my God! This is really happening. Rachel: Oh Phoebe, I'm so happy for you honey. (she gives her a kiss) Phoebe: Oh, thank you. Monica: I love you. (Phoebe leans in to kiss her.) Oh, wait, wait, wait! No hugs. The dresses... Oh what the hell. (the girls hug) Phoebe: I love you guys. Rachel and Monica: I love you. Monica: Okay. (in her microphone) It's zero hour. All teams execute on my count. (to all) Let's get this bad boy on the road. Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to wear that head set in bed tonight? Monica: (checking her clipboard) I have you scheduled for nudity at 2300 hours. Chandler: Oh yeah! (Monica walks outside) Monica: Okay Marjorie, hit it. (A woman with a steel drum and a guy with a xylophone start playing an instrumental version of "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis Presley. A bridesmaid and a groomsman walk down the isle. Next are Rachel and Ross, who carries Chappy in his arms.) Rachel: Geez Ross, you could have showered. Ross: It's the dog. (we cut to Monica) Monica: Groomsman, groomsman, why are you just standing there, where is your bridesmaid? (into microphone) We've got a broken arrow. Bridesmaid down! (realizes) Oh, that's me. (She walks down the aisle with the groomsman. We cut to inside Central Perk, where Phoebe and Chandler are waiting.) Chandler: Ready? Phoebe: (nervously) Okay. Chandler: Okay. Phoebe: Oh wait, oh no. Wait. (She takes off the coat she was wearing over her wedding dress, which is violet and has a darker shade petticoat underneath which shows at one side where the dress is lifted up to about the height of her hip and connected to the petticoat. She's wearing a veil over her curly hair and a low cut top with straps only just hanging over her shoulders.) Chandler: Wow! Aren't you gonna be cold? Phoebe: I don't care... I'll be my something blue. Chandler: You look beautiful. Phoebe: Thank you. (They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.) Mike: My God! Aren't you freezing? Phoebe: Na-ah. (the music ends) Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each other. And I know I speak for every one here... when I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings? (one of the groomsmen gives the rings to Joey) Joey: (whispering to Phoebe) Okay... Phoebe: When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else, and I always knew that something was missing. But now I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything I'm ever gonna need... You are my family. (She puts the ring on Mikes finger) Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever. (He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.) Phoebe: Oh wait, oh I forgot... and uhm... I love you... and you have nice eyes. Mike: I love you too. Ross: Uh Joey... Joey: Yeah? Ross: Chappy's heart rate has slowed way down. Joey: Oh, okay. Phoebe, do you take this man to be your husband? Phoebe: I do. (Joey has a "Yeah you do" smile on his face) Joey: Mike, do you take this woman to be your wife? Mike: I do. Joey: I now pronounce you... husband and wife. (Phoebe and Mike kiss) Phoebe: I got married! (everyone applauds) Could someone get me a coat, I'm freaking freezing. (Mike takes off his coat to give to Phoebe and the steel band plays "The Wedding Song") [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler and Joey are walking up the stairs.] Chandler: That really was an incredible wedding. Joey: It was, yeah. I kind of don't want it to end. Hey, you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage? Chandler: I'd love to, but it's 2300 hours and I'm about to have the most organized s*x anyone's ever had. Joey: Nice. Oh hey, what about Ross? Chandler: I don't know. Maybe he hooked up with that hot girl he was talking to. (cut to the street in front of Central Perk where Ross is walking Chappy. He has a plastic bag in his hand.) Ross: Come on Chappy, do your business. MAKE! MA-AKE! I did not sign on for this.	Plan: A: Mike; Q: Who is Phoebe getting married to? A: the gang; Q: Who is Phoebe's wedding to Mike nearly upon? A: wedding planner; Q: What is Monica's job? A: one; Q: How many groomsmen does Mike need to walk his dog down the aisle? A: more than a few warnings; Q: How many warnings did Joey give to Mike about Phoebe? A: Phoebe's welfare; Q: What did Joey warn Mike about? A: Chandler; Q: Who fills in for Joey giving Phoebe away? A: the wedding party; Q: What are Ross and Chandler not part of? A: A freak blizzard; Q: What event caused the wedding to be postponed? A: New York; Q: What city was hit by a blizzard that caused the wedding to be postponed? A: a still-ordained Joey; Q: Who is the minister in the episode? A: minister; Q: What role does Joey play in the wedding? A: time; Q: What does Monica know she can pull off the wedding in? A: his family dog; Q: What does Mike decide to let fill in the groomsman position? A: the vacant groomsman position; Q: What does Mike decide to let his dog fill in? A: dogs; Q: What does Chandler fear? A: Central Perk; Q: Where is the wedding of Phoebe and Mike? A: a 42-minute episode; Q: How long was the episode originally? Summary: Phoebe's wedding to Mike is nearly upon the gang, and wedding planner Monica is going overboard, much to everyone's irritation. Eventually it gets too much for Phoebe who fires her intending to do the job herself. Meanwhile Phoebe has also asked Joey to give her away, causing him to give Mike more than a few warnings about Phoebe's welfare. Ross and Chandler also find they're not part of the wedding party but compete when one of Mike's groomsmen drops out and he offers to let one of them fill the position. A freak blizzard hits New York and it becomes obvious the wedding will have to be postponed, but Phoebe and Mike decide to get married outside with a still-ordained Joey acting as minister and Phoebe rehires Monica knowing she can pull it all off in time. Mike tells Ross and Chandler that he's decided to allow his family dog to fill in the vacant groomsman position but still needs one of them to walk the dog down the aisle and Chandler's fear of dogs allows Ross to fill the role only while Chandler fills in for Joey giving Phoebe away. In the end, everything works out and Phoebe has the wedding of her dreams in the snow-filled street outside Central Perk. Note: Originally aired as a 42-minute episode.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Isaac: I will not leaving Dollie on this vessel. Tituba: John Alden is alive. Mary: The comet will soon blaze overhead for only three nights. The gate will open, and our dark lord at last incarnates. Countess Marburg: Your son was born precisely that he should be the vessel for the dark lord's return. Mary: We do have a son. Countess Marburg has him, and they mean to kill him. But I know her weakness. Countess Marburg: So good of you to join us. Mary: It is over. I want my son. [ Horse whinnies ] Sebastian: Unh! Countess Marburg: [ Screaming ] Mary: Go, John! Save him! Boy: Who are you? John: Your father. Hathorne: Mary Sibley, you are under arrest on the crimes of adultery and fornication. Countess Marburg: You follow instructions extremely well, Mr. Hathorne. Hathorne: I am your humble servant. Cotton: Some things are better left unawakened. Boy: [ Distorted voice ] It's too late for that. We shall play cat's cradle with your entrails. Hathorne: Pride goeth before a fall! How far indeed this Jezebel has fallen! From first wife of Salem to painted whore! [ Crowd shouting indistinctly ] Woman: Burn her! Woman 2: Burn her! Hathorne: Now, now! Did she kill George Sibley? Man: Yes! Hathorne: No! But as his life force dimmed, she forced our founder to watch as she entertained her lovers in his own marital bed! And when our last founder finally mercifully passed to Heaven, one can only imagine how she and that corpse-botherer, Dr. Wainwright, disposed of the body. Leaving so many questions. Where is Dr. Wainwright? [ Crowd jeering ] Fled in shame? And how many other men did this siren lure into Mr. Sibley's bed? Man: Too many! Hathorne: As magistrate, I hereby strip you of all your ill-gotten gains. [ Crowd cheering ] Indeed, of the very name Sibley itself. What, then, shall we call you? Mary Walcott? No, I would not demean your father's name and memory. No, with no man's name, you will just be plain Mary, like the plain, worthless woman you are. [ Crowd jeering ] [ "Cupid carries a gun" plays ] ♪ Pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ the witch drums ♪ ♪ better pray for hell ♪ ♪ not hallelujah ♪ [ Birds chirping ] [ Snake hisses ] Sooleawa: [ Gasps ] [ Screaming ] [ Gasping ] Shaman: Sooleawa! [ Grunts ] [ Bones crack ] Sebastian: That's what I love most about the new world, Mother... Such excellent hunting. Shaman: [ Gags ] [ Snake hisses ] John: You said an exorcism is risky. How risky? Cotton: Very. But, in theory, this circle I inscribed will contain the demon. Break the perimeter, however, and we risk death and eternal damnation. The boy, as well. John: Are we sure about this? Cotton: No. But what choice do we have? This may be our last and only hope to stop the witches. John: And save the boy. Cotton: Well, it is hoped. John: Well, it better be more than hope. Boy: Where am I? John: Take it easy, boy. Boy: These ropes... so tight. You said you'd protect me, but you're hurting me. Father, please! Cotton: "Father"? John: [ Sighs ] Boy: Father. Cotton: No more secrets, John. I must know everything about the boy. John: We were in love... Mary and I. I didn't know I left her with child. She bore the child in secret. You know how the town fathers would have dealt with her and with the baby. Cotton: Left to die in the woods. How did the boy come to be possessed? John: Mary says it was witches who had our child all these years and brought him back now precisely to be the center of their rites. I'm told the devil is already inside him. Boy: Father? Cotton: Go to him. But mark my words... Do not cross the circle. I must think. [ Door opens, closes ] Boy: It hurts, father. John: I know. Think of something else, and you'll feel it less. Shall I tell you a story? Boy: Yes, please. Tell me about when you were a boy. Did you have any friends? John: Well, let's see. Uh... There was a boy. Isaac. [ Chuckles lightly ] He was a kind and simple soul... Still is. But do you know who was my dearest friend, the one I loved most already even when I was your age? Boy: Who? John: Why, the girl who turned out to be your mother. Boy: I miss her. John: Me, too. [ Bells tolling ] Countess Marburg: It didn't have to be this way. It should have been your day of triumph, not degradation. If you had not interfered last night, today would be the dawn of the new age. Mary: I'm sorry, Countess, but, unlike you, I could never find the death of my own son a triumph. And I would endure any amount of degradation to hold back that particular dawn. Countess Marburg: Don't be a silly girl. You have no such power. Mary: [ Chuckles ] Countess Marburg: It will dawn, just a day late. I am now on my way to find your son and your handsome Captain Alden. Mary: And if you should find my son and there is no trace of the dark lord left in him, what then? Countess Marburg: Well, that's just not possible. For your Captain Alden is a very fine soldier, and judging by the taste of his Indian mistress, an even finer lover. And he may run with him to the ends of the earth, but the seed is already in the boy. You know that as well as I do. Do I? T'would not be the first time a demon was driven from its home. Countess Marburg: An exorcism? Well, let us hope they do not try, for it will certainly kill the boy. Hathorne: Our home in Heaven, in glory, in the mansions of light, the lord has prepared for those who believe, who have lived by his word. Amen. All: Amen. Hathorne: What is there to say about our founder, George Sibley? [ Door bangs ] Isaac: How about that George Sibley was a son of a bitch? [ People jeer ] Hathorne: What did this dead man ever do to deserve... Isaac: Do?! What did George Sibley do? Besides sear the flesh of my face for the unforgivable crime of love? Well, for one thing, he sent John Alden off to die just so he could steal his girl. Hathorne: This from Isaac the Fornicator. Isaac: Hypocrite! Hypocrite. You're all fornicators. [ All murmuring ] Screwing each other every day of the week, including the Sabbath! I swear... if Jesus Christ walked the streets of Salem, he wouldn't find a man worth saving. Hathorne: This is vile blasphemy, and you will hang for it. Isaac: Go on, then! Hang me! [ People shouting indistinctly ] Hang me! Done died on those stocks years ago. [ Sighs ] You all, so busy looking for where the evil came from. You brought it with you. [ People jeer ] Still, you look all 'round for who could have done it. Must be the Indians, or the French... Or the witches... Or even my Dollie. [ Voice breaking ] Blame it on my Dollie. She had angel eyes. Couldn't see my scars... Just my soul... And loved it. Angel eyes. Risked her life to save mine. Angel eyes. And I'll remember them until my dying day. I promise you. But who will remember the lot of you when you're ashes? They say God sees every sparrow that falls. But he don't see you. [ People murmur ] Not no more! [ People jeering ] He forgot all about you. Salem is the dust he shook from his feet when he turned around and walked away, and he ain't never coming back! [ Grunts ] John: We're gonna get you out of this place as soon as we can. Boy: Where will we go then? John: Where do you want to go? Boy: The most amazing place you've ever been. John: Think of a vast wall of water the size of a mountain and a roar like nothing you can imagine. The Iroquois call it Niagara. The motion so endless it... It seems to stand still. When I saw it, I-I thought... If there is a God, this... This is what he looks like. Boy: [ Grunts ] John: Are you all right? Boy: No. [ Sighs ] These ropes, they burn. Please, father. I promise I'll be good. Just... loosen these ropes. They're hurting me. Cotton: Help me to discern the truth of this boy. Surely, if there be demons in this world, you must exist. For what kind of a world would have demons... But no angels? [ Sighs ] John: Come over here. [ Wind whistling ] Cotton: Don't do it, John. John: There's nothing wrong with this boy except some sickness and the pain we are causing him. He's just a boy! Cotton: One moment, he is just your son in all his innocence. But if he is under their influence, his soul is besieged by an other. It is that other we must expose and expel. Child, I'd like to recite the lord's prayer with me. Boy: I don't know any prayers. Cotton: Then simply repeat the words after me. Our father, which art in heaven, hallowed by thy name. Boy: Our father, which art in... Oh! Father. Cotton: "Which art in heaven..." Boy: Father, don't make me. Cotton: No demon may speak the "our father." The very words scorch their tongue. John: It's all right, son. They're just words. Try and say them for me. Boy: [ Gasping ] Cotton: "Our"... Boy: Our... our fa... Cotton: Say the words. Continue, boy. Boy: Don't make me! Oh! Father! He's hurting me! John: All right, stop it! You're hurting him! Cotton: Why can't he say them? Go on, boy! Say the words! "Our father, which art in heaven, hallowed... Boy: No! No! John: Stop it! Cotton: Say the words, child, if a child you be! John: All right! Boy: Stop! Make him stop! Cotton: Our father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name! Boy: Aah! Cotton: [ Screaming ] Boy: Me-ne me-ne te-kel up-har-sin! Me-ne me-ne te-kel up-har-sin! [ Echoing ] Me-ne me-ne te-kel up-har-sin! [ Roaring ] Shay-tani, shay-tani lama sabak-tani! [ Screams, roaring ] Cotton: Aah! Both: [ Gasping ] Countess Marburg: What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy? I must find the boy. Sebastian: Is it a terrible disappointment, Mother? Countess Marburg: What? Sebastian: That I still live. That you never got to consecrate me as you will her son, never got to hold my young body beneath the hell-blood to see your ancient lover's form emerge from my dead face. Countess Marburg: I do not deny it. But all's well that ends well. So leave me so I may be sure it will end well. Sebastian: Will it end well for me? It is hard, Mother, to be born to rule and yet know I will never be king. Countess Marburg: We all play our part in the great drama. True, despite my fondest hopes, you were not born to be a king. But console yourself, Son. You will be a knight of the dark realm and satisfy yourself in every way. Sebastian: All I want is Mary. Countess Marburg: Do not fixate. It shows a damnable lack of imagination. I told you... You may have anything or anyone whenever you wish. Sebastian: And what if I want only one thing? Countess Marburg: Trust me, Sebastian. There is not only one of anything. Not only one sun in the Sky, but an infinity of suns in the Sky. Not only one Earth, but an infinity of Earths wandering lost in the night. There is certainly not only one god, but many beings of power, if you but know their names. And there is never, not ever, only one man or woman for us. And if, after all your wisdom, all I want is Mary? What then? Countess Marburg: Then you should grow up. Get out. I have work to do. I must find the boy. Get out. Get out. Get out! [SCENE_BREAK] Cotton: Our battle is not with your son but what is within him. Now relight these candles while I prepare to rouse the beast inside. John: [ Sighs ] Boy: [ Whimpers ] [ Gasping ] Cotton: "O almighty and everlasting god, be merciful to we who implore thee. Send thy Holy Angel from Heaven to bless and hallow these ashes so that we, who know ourselves to be but ashes, may fear no evil. Protect us, o lord." Countess Marburg: [ Thinking ] John. [ Echoing ] John. John! John Alden. I've so wanted to meet you. John: This is some kind of witchcraft bullshit illusion. Countess Marburg: Where I come from, we kiss our new friends. John: I ain't your friend. Countess Marburg: I'll tell you a secret. This is an illusion, but so is all that you call life, everything you've been fighting for. Just let it all go for one joyous instant, and you might taste real life. John: My boy. Countess Marburg: Your boy? She told you it was yours, and you believed her? Oh, she lied to you, as she has many, many times before. [ Horse whinnies ] [ Hisses ] John: What the hell? Cotton: Are you all right? John: Did I leave this hut? Cotton: What? No, you just seemed very quiet and still for a moment. What happened? John: The witch was inside my mind. Or I was in hers. I-I don't... I don't know. Cotton: They are hunting him through you. [ Insects buzzing ] Mary: Isaac. Isaac: Don't talk to me, Mary. I don't want to hear a word you've got to say. Mary: Isaac, old friend, speak to me. Do not judge me. You do not know what I have faced. Isaac: No, Mary, I do not. But I believe that God gave us all something so precious and rare, he didn't give it to his angels... Choice, free choice. Whatever you faced, there was never a time when you didn't have a choice. Hathorne: Even the village idiot knows a harlot when he sees one. In time, some poor man may be willing to ignore your transgressions and marry you. Decades of toil await you. Toil and, if you're lucky, the birthing of brats, one of which will likely kill you during labor. Hm. In the meantime, that most generous of gentlewomen, the Countess Marburg, has put up a bond of surety for your release. Use your freedom of movement wisely, Mary. Or it'll be the gallows next time. Mary: [ Breathing heavily ] Anne: But don't... don't you want this consecration? To have your dark lord out and about in the world? Mary: I only want my son. Anne: Your son? Mary: The boy you met at my house is not my nephew but my son. Mine... and John Alden's. Your friend, the countess, has taken him from me. He is to be the sacrifice of the consecration. I-it is his poor, little body that she intends to open up and house the dark lord. [ Sobs ] I've lost everything, but I would rather die by my own hand than be a servant of that bitch, helping with the destruction of my own child! Anne: Mary, as you have often said to me, remember who you are, what you are. You are filled with magic. There must be something you can do. Mary: No. No, I no longer have Faith in my magic. It has brought me and everyone around me nothing but misery and death. Anne: [ Sighs ] Do not give in to despair. That is what you would tell me. We are not puritans... Not anymore. We do not believe in this idiotic predestination. We make our own destiny. Mary: You're right. It's not over till we're dead and the birds are eating our eyes, eh? Thank you. Just remember this... You are an Essex witch. The Marburgs mean no kindness to the Essex. And Cotton will need your help. Anne: Cotton... where is he? How can I help him? Mary: He and John Alden are with my son somewhere in the woods keeping him from Marburg's clutches. Only you can decide when and how to help him. [ Door opens, closes ] Cotton: Have you ever done things or... or thought things that didn't feel like it was you doing them? Boy: It's hard to describe. Sometimes, it seems like I'm very, very small and hidden in a very dark place. Cotton: What happens then? Boy: I don't know, but I'm not alone in there. I'm afraid. Cotton: Afraid of what? Boy: Of the one who is there with me. In me. Cotton: Now, um, I want you to listen, for this is difficult. Close your eyes. Picture that dark place. Do not be afraid. Your father and I are here. We will not desert you whatever happens. Now, I am talking to the thing inside of little John. I know you are there. And I know that you can hear me. Now here this. There is no god but God. And God, this almighty, everlasting God... Boy: [ Gagging ] Cotton: So loved the world, he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life. Boy: [ Gags, hisses ] Cotton: And Jesus rebuked the foul spirits, saying unto him, thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him! [ Insects buzzing ] And the spirit cried and foamed and gnashed his teeth and rent him sore... Boy: [ Retches ] Cotton: And came out! [ Buzzing stops ] These are the words of the lord. Boy: [ Growling, groaning ] [ Cackles, hisses ] [ Distorted ] Cotton Mather. Did you know you're in Hell even now? My children tear the wings from your soul as from a fly. Cotton: I command thee, in the name of the eternal God and Jesus Christ, our savior, to speak your name and declare from whence thou cometh! Boy: I tell you what I once told him... I am legion. And I come from Hell to the place prepared for me... Salem. And I owe it all to you and Mary rutting in the graveyard. Ah, my Mary, she was the finest of my witches. She did all I asked... Slaughter my enemies... Or got the fools to slaughter each other for me. Cotton: [ Gasping ] Father. Boy: But now the bitch thinks she can betray me? Stop my triumphant entrance into this miserable dunghill of creation? Cotton: What is your purpose here? Boy: This little puppet of sh1t and bones shall be my royal carriage so I may grow to manhood and rule this land. Cotton: He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved. Boy: [ Growls ] Cotton: But he that believeth not shall be damned. Boy: [ Growls ] Cotton: And these signs shall follow them that believe. In my name shall they cast out devils. Oh, foul fiend. Boy: [ Growls ] Cotton: I abjure thee in the name of Jesus Christ, son of almighty God, depart from this boy! Boy: [ Growling, hissing ] Cotton: [ Coughing, gagging ] Boy: Better you should come and join us in here, and soon this whole land will be my father's mansion! John: No. Boy: [ Growls ] John: I'm your father. Can't you hear me? You need to fight back. This is your body! Your life, not his! Boy: Come, Father. Come to me. I can offer you anything. Do you want to love Mary Sibley... Or kill her? Or perhaps you'd like to kill her, then love her. I can make the dead dance in the most delightful ways. John: Enough! [ Thunder crashes ] Boy: [ Roars ] Cotton: [ Gags ] [ Coughing ] Boy: Oh, Father, how many men have you killed? What makes you think I'm here because my mother was a witch and not because you, Father, are a soulless killer? Cotton: [ Gasping ] Whosoever believeth in him shall not perish. John: Get... [ Thunder crashing ] Boy: [ Roaring ] John: Out... Of my son! Boy: [ Screeches ] [ Crashing, roaring stop ] Cotton: [ Gasps, wheezes ] [ Coughing ] [ Indistinct conversations ] Sebastian: You cannot escape destiny so easily. Mary: Let me go. Without me, the consecration comes to a stop. My boy will live on. Sebastian: A boy is nothing without his mother. You would flee the stage before the final curtain fall? That is a sin. Possibly the only sin. It is not given to us to write our own roles. Mary: A wise man told me recently that we were given something even the angels were denied... Choice. If my role requires that I destroy my son, then I choose not to. You were to be the offering the last time the comet appeared. Sebastian: Yes. Mary: Do you ever wonder what your mother felt sacrificing her son? Sebastian: I have no need to wonder. Mary: I'll tell you what I feel for my son... Simply love... Complete and unconditional. But I suppose you would have no idea what that feels like, would you? Sebastian: Enough! Come, Mary. I will take you home. Cotton: I heard what it said about Mary. Is it true... That she is... or was... A witch? At her behest, I murdered my own father. Well, at least now I know why I'm already in Hell. John: What kind of god... Gives me a son... Only to have me kill him? Cotton: The same god who commanded Abraham to put the knife to Isaac, who let his own son die a most gruesome death. Boy: [ Gasps ] [ Groaning ] [ Normal voice ] Did I do what you wanted? John: [ Chuckles lightly ] Cotton: Yes. Do you remember anything? Boy: Not really. Except it was like a nest of wasps inside me, all stinging me. John: Are the wasps gone? Boy: Most of them. I can still feel one way down. [ Chuckles ] But I think it is he now who is hiding... not me. Cotton: [ Chuckles ] John: [ Sighs ] Boy: Are you really, truly my father? John Alden? John: Don't ever doubt it. Boy: Then run and hide, Father. She is coming for me. [ Men shouting indistinctly ] John: Goodbye, Son. Get him as far away as you can. [ Shouting continues ] Cotton: Good luck, Captain. Cotton: I swear I will not let the devil defeat me, and I shall meet you again, Father, and not in Hell, but at the right hand of God. Countess Marburg: You should have taken my offer and become one of my consorts. At least you would have known a few hours of pleasure. Now you will know only death. [ Sniffing ] He is not far. Sebastian: Captain John Alden, lover of witches, reluctant father of the devil himself. So, it's a brave last stand you're wanting. The odds seem so unsporting, but I am nothing if not fair. Come. My men will do nothing. Come. I'm the one you want. John: [ Grunting ] [ Wind whistles ] Sebastian: I said I was fair, but if there is one thing you should have learned from our beloved Mary, it's never trust a witch. Cotton: Oh, no. Anne: Cotton? Cotton: No, no, no. Anne: Cotton. Cotton: Anne? Anne. Sebastian: Your battle is over and lost, your son soon in my mother's hands, and your woman soon in mine. I will think of you when I feel her shudders of pleasure when I kiss her throat. And just as I enter her, I will remember your eyes at the moment this entered you. John: [ Grunts, groans ] [ Coughs ] [ Breathing heavily ] Cotton: The boy is Captain Alden's son. Anne: What? Cotton: There is no time. The boy must be saved. Anne: Saved from what? Cotton: The witches. They were after him. They know John and I have him. Anne: Well, then, come with me. I know a hiding place where none can find us. Cotton: No. No. John Alden... I-I can't leave him to fight alone. He saved my life. I must at least attempt to save his. Anne: Then give the boy to me. I will take and hide him. Cotton: Yes. Little John. Little John, wake up now. This is my wife, Anne. Go with her now. She will take care of you. How good you are... And brave. Anne: It's going to be fine. Boy: There's something inside of me. Anne: That's all right. There is something inside all of us. [ Wolf howls ]	Plan: A: John Alden's; Q: Whose Indian friends are the Countess and her son moving against? A: Mary; Q: Who suffers under the yoke of Puritan oppression? A: the Marburgs; Q: Who is Mary's powerful enemy in Salem? A: Salem; Q: What city is the Marburgs' alliance with? A: a widening schism; Q: What does Mary try to take advantage of between mother and son? A: new information; Q: What must John and Cotton process as they proceed with their exorcism of Little John? A: strength; Q: What do John and Cotton need to gather to help them in their exorcism of Little John? A: sorrow; Q: Isaac is wracked with guilt and what emotion over Dollie's death? A: a mournful Isaac; Q: Who pays a surprise visit to a town gathering? A: an already somber town gathering; Q: Isaac pays a surprise visit to what? A: Anne Hale; Q: Who finds the fate of many may rest in her novice-but-powerful-Witch's hands? A: the first glimpses; Q: What do John and Cotton get of the enemy they are facing? Summary: As the Countess and her son move against John Alden's Indian friends, Mary suffers under the yoke of Puritan oppression stemming from an alliance between the Marburgs and another of Mary's powerful enemies in Salem. But even as she seems to be at her most hopeless, Mary tries to take advantage of a widening schism between mother and son. As John and Cotton proceed with their exorcism of Little John, each must process new information and gather strength to aid them in what lies ahead. Meanwhile, wracked with guilt and sorrow over Dollie's death, a mournful Isaac pays a surprise visit to an already somber town gathering, Anne Hale finds the fate of many may rest in her novice-but powerful-Witch's hands, and John and Cotton get the first glimpses of the enemy they are facing within Little John.
WHEN DOVES CRY (1/2) A boy named Craig Manning (Brown hair and eyes, kind of tall) is taking pictures of a girl named Angela Jeremiah, his half sister from a distance (She is about 5, brown hair, She is with Emma Nelson, playing. Then he sees her blowing bubbles with her dad, Joey and takes pictures. He is not allowed to see her because of his dad). When Craig thinks Joey sees him, he runs home. Inside The Manning House Craig's dad is sitting at the table waiting for Craig. Mr. Manning: Craig! Craig: Hey dad. (Takes off his jacket and sits at the table) Mr. M: What happened to 6:00? Craig: I know. I'm sorry. It's just the light outside, late summer, incredible. I just uh... Mr. M: Got distracted and missed dinner. Craig: Yeah, uh, Dad I'm sorry. Mr. M: (throws a plate on the floor) When I say 6:00, I don't care how great the light is, you're home. Do you understand me? Clean it up. (He walks out of the room and slams a door) Cut to: Degrassi Everyone is arriving at school. Toby: Man, Grade 8 was supposed to be ours. This is so unfair. JT: I have no problem with an expanded Degrassi. Way more fish in the sea. Toby: What, you're fishing for a new baby -sitter? JT: dude, older women. Hot sexy older women just waiting to make me into a man, okay? This year, Toby. Just trust me, I know it. They head inside. Cut to: Craig He is getting out of his dad's car. Craig: Thanks for the lift. Mr. M: Ok. You need a lift tonight? Craig: No, no, I can, uh, make it home. I'll be on time tonight, ok? Mr. M: Good luck to you sport. As he goes inside, we see Emma and Manny watching him. Manny: Is that the sound of your heart pounding? No way, it's mine. Emma: Proving that summer is so overrated. (They hit their boxing gloves as high fives to each other as they head in) Inside Spinner and Jimmy are sitting together. Spinner: Back at this dump for four more years. Four long years. Jimmy: Look at this place, it's a zoo in here. Spinner: You said it. Jimmy: (Sees Sean) Look there's one of the monkey's now. (Sean goes to get a drink) P.A.: Good morning students and welcome to Degrassi. If you're a new student and haven't received your homeroom number yet, please see Mrs. Smith in the main office immediately. Sean: (Craig bumps into him) Is Degrassi a high school and a blind school this year? Craig: Sorry man. I'm lost. Sean: Buy a map. Craig: (Holds up a map) Already got one. I'm not blind, just uh, directionally challenged. Girl: Hey boys. (To Craig) Hey cutie. Craig: M.I Lab? Sean: Here I'll-I'll show you. Spinner: (Imitates Sean) "Here, I'll show you". Grade 8 English Ms. Kwan: Closing down the high school was a last minute board decision, meaning we're not fully prepared for the influx of students. (Liberty raises her hand) Liberty: Will there be a separate student council? Separate video announcements? What about The Grapevine? Ms. Kwan: Ok, my question at a time. In the short term, Degrassi's gonna be a very crowded place. JT: Small price to pay, huh? Older women, younger men, very hot. Toby: Older women, JT Yorke, very not. Sean comes in. Ms. Kwan: Take a seat. (Sean goes and sits down and Emma sees him) You may even have to share lockers. (To Sean) See me after class. We're going to be covering... Grade 9 Media Immersion Mr. Simpson: Adding grades 9 to 12 is a great opportunity for Degrassi and for you guys. I taught you M.I. for the past two years. You get for another four. (As he's talking, he's handing out locks for their lockers) (He slams Craig down to wake him up) Late night last night, huh, Craig? Craig: Very... very...very late night, sir. I kept on waking up in anticipation of well this exact moment...sir. Mr. Simpson: Yeah well save the Zs for home, ok? (Bell rings) Don't forget to pick up your textbooks in the gym. And even though today is a half-day, tomorrow is not. Hall Toby: Ok, and every second week we'll take out lunches, old school stuff... JT: Whatever you say roomie. Manny: I can't believe you guys volunteered to share. JT: Eh, it's just our way of giving something back to Degrassi, is all. Emma: Yeah or of destroying your friendship. JT: (Liberty pushes past him) Slow down. Emma: How soon till we tell them we told so. JT: Now I get the top shelf, all right? Toby: Why? We said I got it. JT: No I get the top shelf because I'm taller. Toby: Yeah, by like a millimeter. JT: No check this out. Look. (He measures them) See? Way taller. Hall Hazel: Paige, your hair is fine. Paige: Fine? I have a mullet. Terri: What's a mullet? Paige: (Points out kids they walk past who have one) That. Hairstyle of the trailer dwellers and fashion impaired. Hazel: So get it fixed. Paige: But that'll cost about 80 bucks. I have 50 put away, but my evil parents are insisting I can clean out the garage for the rest. Hello? Child labor. Craig: You know, there are laws against child labor. Paige: Ok, thanks, Mr. News- at-5. Terri: Cute. Hazel: Very. Paige: Try deranged. Ashley runs up to them. Ashley: Guys, hey. I tried to call you when I got back. How was your summer? Paige: Anyway, about my hair. (Paige and Hazel walk away) Terri: Give them time. I'm sure they'll...you know... Ashley: What, forgive and forget? Right. (They go under something and walk down the hall) Outside Angela is blowing on a windmill. As she does, Craig is taking her picture. Angela: Craig! She runs up to the fence, which he is on the other side of. Angela: You've been gone forever. Craig: I know. But summer's over, I'm back from camp, and now you won't ever get away from me. Ok, say Bad Donkey Breath. Angela: Bad Donkey Breath. (He takes her picture) Let me take yours. Craig: Who, me? I'll break the camera. Angela: Give it. Craig: Remember how to use it? One hand there. (She moves it around and he makes a weird face that she takes a picture of, then gives him back the camera) Angela: Daddy and me are gonna go visit Mommy. Wanna come? Craig: Just um...just tell her I miss her. Ok? (She nods) And you can't tell you Dad about us meeting, all right? Angela: I promise. Always, always. Woman: Angela! Craig: Love you kid. He leaves. Woman: Angela, honey. Who was that? Angela: My brother. Media Immersion. Toby: Ok, I give you The Isaacs System. JT: The what? Toby: Ok, you want an older woman? This system determines your best match. Meet, Terri McGregor. (He clicks on her picture) Mr. Simpson: Guys, your dedication to grade 8 is impressive, but, uh, go home already! Toby: Can we just finish this first? Mr. Simpson: Five minutes. JT: Terri's not really my type. Toby: Pretty and breathing. Exactly your type. JT: No, I need more of a challenge. Someone like... (Lands on Paige's picture) All righty. Toby: But you only have like a 0.03 % chance of scoring with... JT: Paige Michalchuk. Come to Papa. (Puts on his sunglasses and smiles) Cemetery Joey and Angela are there, visiting with Joey's wife who passed away. Joey: That's a lot of yellow, Angie. Angela: But that was Mommy's favorite color. Remember? Joey: Yes I do. (They go to her grave stone. Joey kisses it and puts his hands on it while Angela puts the flowers around it) Angela: Do you think she misses us? Joey: I know she does. Just as much as we miss her. Angela: But do you think she likes it up in Heaven? Craig said that... Joey: Craig said what? Did you see Craig? Angela: No, I just I promised... Joey: Come on, sweetie. Tell me the truth. (Joey looks up and notices that Craig is there, taking pictures) Stay right here, ok? Craig? (Craig runs away as Joey approaches him) Craig?! [SCENE_BREAK] Craig's House He is developing pictures he took in his dark room. It's a picture of Joey and Angela at the cemetery with a different picture of Craig next to them. When it's dry, he puts it on a paper that says "The Perfect Family". Mr. M: Hey sport. Are you ready to eat? Craig? (He is quickly putting away a folder) Craig: Uh... yeah. Uh... I'm just coming. (He takes pictures down that are hanging up) Kitchen Craig and his dad are eating. Craig: Wow, roast beef, mashed potatoes, yorkshire pudding. Mr. M: Your favorite. Craig: Yeah totally. I love roast beef. Remember how Mom used to make it? (His Dad gives him a look so Craig keeps quiet) Mr. M: So how's was the first day? Make any friends? Craig: Yeah, one guy. Sean. He's cool. Mr. M: That's great. Listen, there was a message on the machine today. Craig: For me? Mr. M: No for me. From Joey Jeremiah. Any thoughts, any ideas on why he might be calling? Craig shakes his head. Mr. M: You didn't call him? Craig: Dad come on, why would I call Joey? Mr. M: Why would your mother leave a surgeon for a used car salesman, Craig? I mean, the mysteries of the universe are infinite to me. Craig: Well , I didn't...I didn't...call. Promise. I'm not...um...I'm not like Mom, ok? So, uh...you gonna call him back? Mr. M: Now, why would I do that? Degrassi JT: Ok, my destiny is approaching. Project Paige has officially begun. Toby: Yeah, it'll be over in about two minutes. JT approaches Paige Paige: Oh look. It's gross and grosser. Hazel: Looks like grosser wants a word with you. JT: Uh Paige may I say that you're looking rather radiant today? May I carry your bag for you? Paige: You want to carry my bag? JT: Yeah, I'll carry to home, I'll carry it to school. Your wish is my command. Paige: In that case I wish that you'd go back to your girlfriend over there and leave me alone....Now. (Takes her bag from him and she and Hazel walk away) Toby: Wow, you-you are an inspiration. JT: The battle has just begun. Paige Michalchuk will be mine. Toby: Ok. (They go inside) Library Manny: So, he's in grade 9? Emma: Yeah, I saw him coming out of Simpson's homeroom this morning. Manny: Why do the 9ers get all the hotties? Emma: What do you mean? We have JT and Toby. Manny: Shh! There he is. They see Craig coming in. When they do they put up their books as if they're reading. Craig: Emma Nelson right? You baby-sit Angela Jeremiah. Emma: I do? I mean I do but... Craig: You don't recognize me? Five years ago. Our mothers made us dance. Emma: The wedding. Craig is Joey's stepson. Angela's half-brother. Manny: Oh. Oh hi. (He nods at Manny) Craig: Hey. Anyway, uh...nice to see you again. (He gets up to leave) Emma: Craig, wait! I'm baby-sitting Angela later. My mom's having this big party and I was wondering if maybe you want to come along. Craig: I wouldn't want to crash. Emma: No, you'd be my guest. If you want to come, meet me out front after school. Craig: I'll be there. Thanks. (He leaves) Manny: He's coming tonight. (They squeal) Joey's dealership. He is showing a car to a couple. Joey: If this car is a lemon, which it is not, I will give you a real lemon and let you squeeze it in my eyes. Sound fair? Mr. M: Oh, listen to the man. He knows cars. Joey: Would you excuse me for just a minute? Why don't you open her up and see how she feels? Ok? I'll be with right away. Hello Albert. You got my message. Mr. M: Sure did. Joey: Good. Well, it's about Craig. This is really none of my business but... Mr. M: You're just gonna butt in anyway. Joey: I just want to know how is he doing. Mr. M: What's your interest in my son? Joey: Just... Mr. M: He's my son, right? Joey: Yes, but he's also Angela's brother. Mr. M: Half-brother. What's your point? Joey: Angela misses him. Ok? And I know he misses her. And you and I need to do something about it. Mr. M: Ok, you and I need to do nothing. Except stay away from each other. Joey: Ok, You're not getting it here, ok. Craig wants to see Angela and I know he has been seeing her. I just found out myself, he's been doing it on his own time. You and I may hate each other, but do our kids have to? (As he talks Craig's Dad is getting in his car to drive away) Even if it's just once a month. Outside Toby: Ok, according to The Isaacs System, you and Paige are never gonna happen. JT: Would that be the same system that stopped you from doing anything about Emma last year? News flash Toby. It doesn't work. (Paige, Hazel, and Spinner walk by) Uh, Paige. Hold up. Paige: Ok, I need a restraining order. What? JT: Uh...will you go out with me? All I'm asking for is one date. If we click, then we'll talk commitment. What do you say? (They laugh at JT as they walk away) Spinner: Man, that is classic. JT: In time. Paige: Ok, has my rep fallen to the point where a loser like JT thinks he can ask me out and get away with it? Hazel: It's hilarious. You should totally do it. Spinner: Yeah, Paige and JT on a date. Oh yeah. Paige: Never going to happen, ever. Hazel: Everyone has their price. Like say...30 bucks. Enough to get your hair done. Paige: You honestly think I will go out in public with IT for 30 bucks? Hazel: A light evening with Frodo? Or an entire day gagging through cobwebs in your parents' garage. Spinner: Yeah, you know, it's about the earwigs. Sharp pinchers, just waiting to climb... Paige: $30.00, in cash. Fine. But... there will be conditions. Big conditions. Emma's Craig is there w/ Angela, Emma, and Manny. Craig is drawing something in chalk. Angela: Is that a frog? Craig: Are you kidding? This is a big razor-toothed dinosaur with a taste for little girls named Angela! (He goes over to her and tickles her) Spike: What are you guys doing to her? Craig: Just feeding her to the dinosaurs. Spike: Ok, guys. Dinner's served. (They cross the street to go get food) Come on. (Joey approaches with a gift and waves at Angela) Angela: Daddy! Joey: Ya! Mmmwah! (Hugs and kisses her) Spike: Hey, we didn't expect you. I mean it's only my birthday. Much less important than a blind date. Joey: Ok, Ok, My bad. Snake: So, Jeremiah, how was Miss November? Joey: She was Miss November of 1973. Ooh. It was like going out with my mother. Snake: Ah, well you know women of a certain age do have a special appeal. Spike: You can leave now! Snake: What, and miss watching you turn gray? Joey: Don't worry, he's coming home with me, after we eat. (Walks a little bit and sees Craig) Craig. Hey, what are you doing here? Emma: I invited him. Craig: It's okay, isn't it? Joey: Yeah, yeah, no, um...Can I talk to you for a second? (Craig nods and walks over to Joey) It's great seeing you, I mean that. But you dad doesn't want. Craig: Oh. He's fine with this. Joey: He knows you're here? (Emma walks by as they talk) Look, I don't know why, but he doesn't want you hanging out with me or with Angie. He's made that radically clear. Craig: Wait, you talked to him? Joey: He came by the dealership this afternoon. (Craig starts to walk away) Craig, come on! Your dad won't allow it, what do you want me to do? Craig: No problem, I get it! Hey, um, Ms. Nelson, thanks for the hot dog! (After he leaves, the camera goes up to Emma's face where she doesn't look happy for Craig) Craig's He goes in and his dad is at the table, being silent. Craig: I'm gonna go down to my dark room. When Craig enters the room, he sees it is all a mess, the place has been trashed. He is shocked. His dad comes in. Mr. M: Are you looking for something? (Holds up something of Craig's) Craig: What are you doing? Mr. M: Are you looking for something? (He starts hitting Craig with it) Craig: What are you doing? Mr. M: Are you looking for something? (He grabs Craig by his arms and then throws him down on the floor. He then throws something in the air and leaves the room. The camera closes up on Craig on the floor, scared and crying then moves to Craig's broken camera and a happy smiling picture of him)	Plan: A: Degrassi; Q: What is the name of the high school that is expanded to include seventh through twelfth grades? A: a full-fledged high school; Q: What does Degrassi expand into as a new school year begins? A: New ninth-grader Craig; Q: Who becomes friends with Sean and attracts Emma and Manny? A: quick friends; Q: What does Craig become with Sean? A: , growing need; Q: What is Craig's need to be around his stepfather Joey and half-sister Angela? A: J.T.; Q: Who makes desperate attempts to ask Paige out? A: a bet; Q: What did Paige make with Hazel and Spinner that changed her mind about J.T.? Summary: As a new school year begins, Degrassi expands into a full-fledged high school encompassing seventh through twelfth grades. New ninth-grader Craig becomes quick friends with Sean and attracts Emma and Manny, but his home life is less than perfect as he deals with an abusive father and his own, growing need to be around his stepfather Joey and half-sister Angela. Meanwhile, J.T. makes desperate attempts to ask Paige out, but she refuses every time. She later changes her mind when she makes a bet with Hazel and Spinner.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Emma: Who are you? Elsa: My name is Elsa. I'm looking for my sister. Mr Gold: Through Belle, there's love in my life again. I've started it with a lie. She thinks she has the real dagger. Robin: Regina... I-I want you to meet Marian. Marian: Are you two together? Leroy: Power's out. So what are you gonna do about it? Mary Margaret: Me? Granny: You are the mayor now. Mary Margaret: I am? Elsa: It should be melting away. I'm the only one with this power. I should be able to undo it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Robin, Marian and Roland are walking down Main Street. Robin and Roland have been showing Marian around down.) Robin Hood: I know this town might seem strange at first, but you do get used to it. And Roland loves it here. He loves watching the boats at the harbour and eating at granny's... Roland: (Interrupts) And ice cream. Robin Hood: Yes. How could we forget about ice cream? Roland: Can we get some now, please? Robin Hood: (Glances at Marian and can tell that she is overwhelmed) Well, I think your mother's seen enough strange things for one day. We should get back to the camp. Roland: (Looks at Marian and puts on a pleading face) Please, mom? Regina let me. Marian: Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Roland, Robin and Marian enter "Any Given Sunday", and we see the Snow Queen come out from behind the counter, holding two Rocky Road ice creams. One for Robin and the other for Roland.) Snow Queen: Rocky road for the little man. (Hands Roland his ice cream) Roland: (Looks happy) Thank you. Snow Queen: (Chuckles) You're welcome. (Hands Robin his) And his dashing father. (Turns to Marian) And I don't believe that I've met the beautiful mother. Robin Hood: Uh, this is Marian. Snow Queen: It is lovely to finally meet you, Marian. (Walks back behind the counter) Well, since you've been through such an ordeal, the least I can do is... is get you something on the house. What flavour would you like? Marian: (Looks taken by surprise and conflicted) I...Don't know. Robin Hood: Uh, in our world, the, uh, flavour choices of ice were dirt and mud. Snow Queen: (Smiles and chuckles) In this world, we've made some improvements. Trust me, there is no problem that can't be solved with a bit of ice cream. (Goes to the back counter top and sprinkles some topping on the ice cream, before waving her hand and casting a spell on the ice cream) Robin Hood: Thank you. That's very kind. Snow Queen: (Smiles and peers over the counter, looking at Roland) No, thank you. Seeing a happy family like yours in here really warms my heart. Marian: (Tries some of her ice cream) Mhm. (Smiles, and follows Robin and Roland out of the door) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma, Hook, and Elsa are standing in Mr Gold's shop, with Mr Gold and Belle standing in front of them. They have come here hoping that Mr Gold might have answers as to why Elsa in the urn in his vault.) Mr Gold: I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I've never seen her before in my life. Emma: So how'd she end up inside your urn inside your secret vault of terror? Mr Gold: Look, if you really want to know how she wound up there, she's standing right beside you, Miss Swan. Why don't you simply ask her? Elsa: She did. But I can't remember. Something happened to my memories. Mr Gold: Well, an all-too-common affliction 'round these parts. Pity. But as you can see, many objects fall into my possession... urns, necklaces, all manner of things. I can't know the history behind all of them. Hook: (Doesn't look like he is buying Mr Gold's story and interrupts) Only if there's something in it for you. Right, mate? Mr Gold: Yeah, well, that may have been true once. But recently my life has been...Turned upside down. I've lost a son. (Looks to Belle) I've gained a wife. So you might say... I've decided to turn over a new leaf. Emma: Don't forget about my super power. I'll be able to tell if you're lying. Mr Gold: How about I do you one better? Let's simply have Belle use the dagger on me. Belle: (Looks shocked at Mr Gold's demand, and steps forward, taking a hold of his hand, and she stammers) No. No. Rumple, you don't... you don't have to do that. Mr Gold: (He's insistent to prove that he is innocent) No, no, no. Miss Swan wants proof. And I'm happy to cooperate. Belle: (Sighs) Fine: (She gives in, opens her bag and pulls out her dagger. The others watch as he turns to face Mr Gold and raises it) I command you, Dark One...To tell them the truth. Mr Gold: The truth is... (He pauses momentarily) Just as I said. I had no idea there was someone inside there. I know nothing about Elsa. Or her sister. But I wish you best of luck finding her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Arendelle ] [SCENE_BREAK] (A castle is shown at night time, with it's windows lit. It switches to inside the castle and into one of the main rooms. Elsa is pacing worriedly, as she learns that Anna hasn't been sighted or heard from. Kristoff is casually holding onto a chair, remaining calm.) Elsa: So, no one has heard from Anna? There's been no sightings from any of the scouts? Kristoff: Since you asked me 10 seconds ago? Nope. She's going be fine. I've seen Anna fight wolves and snow monsters and that idiot from the Southern Isles. Elsa: Hans? Kristoff: (Clearly doesn't like hearing Han's name) Whatever his name is. Look, the point is she can take care of herself, so stop worrying. Elsa: Well, I can't just sit here. I'm going after her. Kristoff: She told me you'd try that and she told me to stop you. Elsa: Well, you can't. I'm the queen. Kristoff: Which is exactly why you need to stay in Arendelle, as you told her. Elsa: (Freezes and looks at him, stopping her attempt to leave) Kristoff: Yep. Anna was right. Logic and reason do work on you. Right now, your kingdom needs you more than Anna. Elsa: She knows me too well. Kristoff: It's not hard to see. You're a softy. Beneath that "oh, baby, I'm the queen" thing. Elsa: (Trying not to crack a smile) Why is it your compliments are so aggravating? Kristoff: Well, I start out that way, but you'll warm up to me. Guard: (He enters without knocking, and it's clear he has important news) Your majesty. I apologize for barging in like this, but we have news from one of our scouts. Elsa: (Hopeful) Have you found Anna? Guard: No. But they discovered something else in their search. (He hands Elsa a leather wrapped piece of parchment) Elsa: (Reads what's on the parchment and her demeanour quickly changes) Kristoff: (Senses this) What does it say? Elsa: There's an army massing in the Southern mountains. Heading for Arendelle, led by Prince Hans. Kristoff: (Sighs) Well, I know every inch of those mountains. Let me sneak up there and see what he's up to. Guard: I didn't realize the official Arendelle ice master and deliverer got a say in matters. Elsa: He doesn't. (Walks towards Kristoff and stops in front of him) You're not going anywhere. It's too dangerous. Kristoff: Oh, there you go warming up to me. You do care. Elsa: My sister wants a wedding. It's probably best the groom is alive. Kristoff: So I'll be real careful. Elsa: You're staying right here. As you said, I am the queen of Arendelle. So let me be the queen and handle it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (At the mayor's office, Mary Margaret is getting ready to host her first town meeting as Mayor, and people are slowly arriving. Mary Margaret is still holding baby Neal, and greeting people as they walk in.) Mary Margaret: Hi. (Smiles and hands a woman a small piece of paper) David: Come on inside. (Walks out of the meeting room into the foyer where Mary Margaret is standing) Need a hand? (Reaches out to take Neal off her) Mary Margaret: (Holds Neal closer to her) Oh, no. I got it. David: You're planning to run your first fireside chat holding a newborn? Mary Margaret: Yeah, I'm fine. Mothers are natural multi-taskers. David: (Touches Neal's head) That may be, but you're juggling a lot right now. Mary Margaret: Well, that's true. I have to say, I'm starting to have more and more respect for our court Jester every day. David: Yeah. Rupert was special. Mary Margaret: (Chuckles) David: But you're sure you can... Mary Margaret: We took back a kingdom, remember? I can handle this. Mary Margaret and David make their way into the meeting room. Mary Margaret walks to the front of the room, standing at the end and turning to face everyone. David takes a seat next to her. Familiar faces such as; Robin Hood, Marian, Roland, Leroy, Archie and Granny are present. Mary Margaret: Hi, everyone. And welcome to the very first mayor's fireside chat. For too long, this office was a place to be feared. Well, I want every citizen to feel welcome and included here. So, if you could just refer to the meeting agenda I've printed, there are... Archie: (Interrupts and holds up his piece of paper) Uh, what's this about an ice wall? Mary Margaret: (Slightly surprised) Oh, that's, uh, item four. We'll get to that in a minute. Leroy: I vote we skip items one, two, and three. Show of hands. (The crowd murmurs in agreement with his statement and all raise their hands) Mary Margaret: (Smiles) Yeah, that's... oh, fine. No, I can... (Sighs) I can be flexible. The ice wall is nothing to worry about. For the time being, it does surround the entire town... Woman: (Interrupts and sounds angry at Mary Margaret's last statement) What? Archie: The entire town? Leroy: (Stands up angrily) Are you serious? Mary Margaret: (Becomes a bit flustered, and looks as though she is struggling balancing Neal and handling the crowd) So, no. (Looks down at Neal as he begins to cry) Oh. Everyone calm down. The wall isn't hurting anyone. Leroy: (Still standing and not looking impressed) We've been through all this before. I ain't worried about the wall. I'm worried about who made it. Mary Margaret: (Looks back down at her own piece of paper) Item five. Her name is Elsa. She's a friend. Leroy: Is she the one that froze my truck? Granny: (Knitting in the corner of the room) And made that snow monster that almost killed Marian? Marian: (Jumps in to defend) Bu... I-I'm fine. Really. David: (Stands up) I've spoken to Elsa, and I promise you we will have all of this under control very soon. (His voice becomes distorted as the camera zooms in on Marian, who is starting to look a little dizzy and a white stripe is forming through her hair) And there will be no more danger of any kind. Mary Margaret: (Her voice is distorted too) So, if we could all just circle back around to item one, we can all discuss... Marian: (Her eyes close and she suddenly passes out in Robin's arms) Robin Hood: (Lowers her to the ground gently, and in a panic, tries to wake her up) Marian! Marian! Marian! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry is sitting alone in Granny's diner doing his algebra work, and the waitress places a cup of hot chocolate in front of him, when Regina enters, carrying a stack of comic books stack, and she sits down beside him, Henry turning to look at her.) Regina: I didn't know which ones you were reading these days. Henry: These are awesome. Much better than algebra. Thanks. (Chuckles) But you didn't have to do this. Regina: Well, I wanted to. (Face drops) But don't get used to it. (She chuckles again) (Reaches out to pick one up, Henry doing the same) Isn't it funny how these are just ink and paper but everything in your storybook is real? Makes you wonder who wrote it, doesn't it? Henry: (Turns to look at her) The storybook? Regina: Mm-hmm. Henry: No one knows. Regina: (Places the comic she is holding back on the counter) Oh, come on. You're such an expert on all this. You've read it cover to cover. There's nothing in the book that gives... Even a clue? Henry: (Senses that Regina is genuinely interested) What are you up to? Regina: (She scoffs momentarily, before sighing) These stories about me in the book, I was written as a villain. And things never work out for the villain, so I... Want to find who wrote this book and make them... Ask them... To write me a happy ending. Is that crazy? Henry: (Enthusiastic) This is the best idea you've ever had. We have to change the book because it's wrong about you. We just have to find the clues. Regina: "We"? What? You'll help me? Henry: It'll be our own secret mission. Regina: (Chuckles) Like that "Operation Viper" you had with Emma. Henry: (Corrects her) "Cobra," but yeah. This one we'll call "operation..." (Looks down at the counter deep in thought) Regina: "Mongoose." Henry: Perfect. "Operation Mongoose" it is. Regina: (Chuckles) The bell to the diner jingles and the door opens, revealing Robin Hood, who is still clearly looking distressed as he makes his way over to where Regina and Henry are sitting. Robin Hood: Oh, Regina. Can we talk? Regina: (Stands up, clears her throat awkwardly and walks towards him) What are you doing here? Robin Hood: It's Marian. Something's happened to her. I'm sorry. I didn't know who else to turn to. I need your help. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret and David are still in the Mayor's office watching over Marian, who is unconscious on the couch, ice now starting to cover her body. David is by the fire and poking it, with hopes of making Marian warm again. Everyone who was at the meeting is gone. Robin and Regina enter.) Robin Hood: How is she? David: Not good. She's getting colder. Mary Margaret: (Sighs) Regina, thanks for coming. Regina: Don't thank me till I've done something. (Notices the bird painting on the wall and stops in her tracks) Who's idea was that? Mary Margaret: Oh, I thought I would put my own personal touch on the office. Regina: Well, you've succeeded. Hideously. (Walks to where Robin is kneeling by Marian) Robin Hood: (Looks up at her) Is there anything you can do? Regina: (Exhales sharply) This is strong magic. I-I can't stop it, but maybe I can slow it down. Footsteps echo in the foyer, and a moment later, Emma enters the room, followed by Hook and Elsa. Emma: What happened? Regina: (Looks up and indicates to Emma) Perhaps you should ask your new friend. After all, it was her monster that attacked Marian. Hook: Well, to be fair, we did provoke the beast. Elsa: But this isn't my magic. Someone else did this. Regina: Oh, and we're supposed to trust you? Emma: You can trust me. If she says it was someone else, it was. Henry: So, how do we break the spell? Elsa: The only way to cure a freezing spell is an act of true love. Regina: (Looks saddened) True love's kiss. Robin Hood: Well, then there's no time to lose. (Turns back towards Marian, before leaning down and kissing her. After a few moments, he pulls back when realizes it wasn't working) What's wrong? Why isn't it working? David: I've seen this once before, when Frederick was turned to gold. Emma: Who the hell's Frederick? Henry: Long story. Robin Hood: (Frustrated) So, the cold is acting as a barrier? Is there nothing we can do? Regina: Well, every curse is different. I need more time to study this one. Emma: I'm going to go find who did this before it happens again. (Turns to leave) Regina: Well, I hope you bring backup. Emma: (Turns back around) What the hell was that supposed to mean? Regina: Well, between the snow monster and the cave-in...seems like the saviour needs saving these days. Emma: I think you're bitter and you're taking it out on the wrong person. I'll be fine. (Turns to leave again) Hook: (Goes to follow her) Well, I like that battle plan, so I'm with you, Swan. Emma: (Stops him) No. Take Elsa to the sheriff's station. Keep her out of sight. Once people get word of this, they're going to be calling for her head. Hook: (More concerned about Emma) I'd rather save yours than hers. There's someone dangerous out there. Emma: (Her tone is sharp) I don't have time to argue with you about this. Can you for once just do what I say? (Leaves the room, not seeing Hook's surprised look) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Arendelle ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Kristoff is leading Sven through the woods at night time. He has snuck out behind Elsa's back to spy on Han's camp, and he's talking to Sven.) Kristoff: I am doing what Elsa said. (Exhales sharply) Well, the spirit of it, anyway. Fine. Okay. I'm disobeying her. But she'll be glad, Sven. You'll see. She just doesn't know it yet. Now, stay put, buddy. (Walks off and leaves Sven near a tree, as he spies Hans camp) Wow. He wasn't exaggerating. He really does have 12 brothers. At the camp, Hans is sitting near a fire reading a piece of parchment before his brother approaches him. Jurgen: Hans. More wood on the fire. It's freezing. Hans: I'm busy. Do it yourself. Jurgen: Now, is that any way to treat your big brother? Maybe I'll throw you on instead. Hans: (Stands up) You would be wise not to insult the future king of Arendelle. (His brothers laugh at him) Brother 1: Don't you think it's a little early to be sizing the crown, Hans? Jurgen: Remember what happened the last time. Hans: (Snaps) Of course I remember. But last time, I didn't have this. (Holds up the parchment, where a picture of an urn) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Arendelle ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Back in Elsa's castle, Elsa is still talking to the same guard from earlier in the room, they are looking at a map on the table. There are now two other guards who have joined them.) Elsa: Even if they had enough men to storm the castle, I'd freeze them before they reached the gate. Guard: He's posturing. Prince Hans has seen what you can do. Kristoff: (Enters the room) And he knows how to defeat her. Elsa: (Looks surprised to see him) Kristoff. Shouldn't you be... somewhere else? Kristoff: I should be. I was. Uh...I mean...I went to spy on Hans, okay? Elsa: (Doesn't look happy) You disobeyed me. Kristoff: Punish me after I tell you what I found. (Walks over to the map and points towards the caves) There's an urn hidden in a cave in the north valley. It has the power to trap people like you. Elsa: (Looks offended) People... Like me? Kristoff: With magic. Hans wants to use it against you and then invade Arendelle. Guard: Your majesty, if this is truly his plan, let us take the fight to him. Elsa: No. I will not risk that many lives. There has to be a way to avoid war. Kristoff: I know the valley, the cave, the shortcut that they don't. Let me bring a few soldiers, and I will destroy the urn. Elsa: (Smiles) You can bring one. Me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Leroy, Archie and Granny are stood with the same group of people from the meeting at the front of Granny's diner, and they are having their own meeting, and Leroy is annoyed still.) Leroy: Elsa's the problem. Today it's Marian. Tomorrow she could freeze the whole town. Granny: Much as I like to move the hot cocoa, somebody's got to stop her. Leroy: (Begins to walk out of Granny's grounds, and the others follow) Archie: (Protests and tries to stop him) Wait. You can't just condemn her without all the facts. Leroy: Look around. Who else can turn people into popsicles? It's Elsa, and we all know it, so she's got to be stopped before she hurts someone else. The group continues to walk down Main Street, walking about "Any Given Sundae" and the Snow Queen, who watches them walk past, with an amused smile on her face. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Arendelle ] [SCENE_BREAK] (It's dawn, and Elsa and Kristoff make their way through the woods, towards the cave that contains the ice cave. Sven is no longer with Kristoff. Kristoff is carrying rope and some form of weapon.) Elsa: Did Hans say anything else about the urn? Anything at all? Kristoff: Just that it can trap people like you and it's really, really old. Elsa: Do you understand what that means? There must have been others like me. I always thought I was alone. Kristoff: You've never been alone. You have Anna. Elsa: And I love her. But...We're not the same. Kristoff: Yeah. No, I got that. Elsa: You know what I mean. We're sisters, and I love her, but I have this...Magic. You should understand. I mean, you grew up with rock trolls. Kristoff: So? Elsa: So you're human and they're, you know, rocks. Kristoff: (Scoffs) They're family. They just wanted what was best for me. I guess I never really felt alone. Elsa: (Not watching were she is going) Wish I could see it like that. Kristoff: (Sees that Elsa is about walk right off a cliff, and rushes forward, grabbing her arm and pulling her back) Welcome to the north valley. (Sighs) The cave is about 100 feet straight down. Elsa: Not a problem. Would you prefer a slide or a spiral staircase? (Goes to use her magic) Kristoff: Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. We can't use magic. Hans might see it and be right on top of us. Elsa: Well, what would you suggest? Kristoff: Well, something a bit more rustic. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook and Elsa are in an alley on Storybrooke's Main Street, waiting until Leroy and his angry mob pass.) Hook: Wait. All right. Coast is clear. (Steps out onto the pavement) Elsa: (Follows him onto the pavement, but doesn't follow him) Hook: That means go, love. Elsa: I'm not coming with you. There's someone out there with powers like mine. I need to find out who. I...I can't just hide out in some sheriff's station. Hook: Oh. Well, that works out quite nicely, then. 'Cause that's not where we're going. Elsa: (Surprised) It's not? Hook: With Emma running into danger? Not a chance in hell. And the sheriff's station's that way. Elsa: (Curiously) And what's that way? Hook: (Smirks) With any luck, danger. (Begins walking and Elsa follows) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (David and Emma are in the woods, and are approaching Robin Hood's tent.) David: Robin and Marian's tent's up ahead. So, what exactly are we looking for? Emma: If whoever cursed Marian has the same powers as Elsa, maybe they left a trail. David: So we split up and we look for anything... Cold. Emma: (Scoffs) David: Yeah. Well, shout if you need help, and I'll... Emma: (Interrupts him) Okay. Yeah. I got it. (Leaves David and walks towards Robin's tent. She hears clattering coming from inside and draws her gun, knowing it's not Robin) Whoever's in there, come out. Will: (Steps out of the tent slowly and puts his hands up in a surrender motion) Emma: Who the hell are you? What are you doing in that tent? Will: (He has a strong, cocky British accent) It depends who's asking. Emma: The sheriff's asking. Will: I never did like sheriffs very much. Though you do seem like the decent sort, so I'm guessing you're not gonna shoot a man in the back. Emma: (Looks at him confusion, and her eyes widen when he suddenly bolts) Hey, stop! (Behind chasing after him through the woods. As she is about to catch him, she trips over a log, and quickly gets back on her feet) David: (Suddenly appears from behind a tree and tackles Will to the ground, before quickly making him stand and still holding onto him tightly) Where were you going? Emma: (Finally catches up and she is panting) I almost had him, but I... Fell. David: Don't worry about it. That's why we have two sheriffs. Will: Two sheriffs? Bloody hell. That's not even fair, is it? David: Who are you? Will: All right. My name's will Scarlet. I used to be a merry man until me and Robin Hood had a bit of a falling out. Emma: So what are you doing in his tent? Will: Well, I heard what happened to Marian. Terrible thing. But I kind of know something that might help. Emma: Well, he's not here right now, so tell us. Will: Look, I'm a thief. Always been a thief, always gonna be a thief. And when there's a blackout like the other night, do you know what a thief does? Emma: He goes to work. Will: Exactly. So, I'm working me way down Main Street when I break into the ice-cream parlour and see the strangest thing. There'd been no electricity for hours, but still all the ice cream was frozen solid. How... how does something like that happen? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina and Robin are still in the Mayor's office, and Marian is lying on the couch, still freezing to death, and looking colder by the moment.) Regina: The curse is working its way towards her heart. Once it touches... that's it. Robin Hood: Is there nothing you can do? Regina: (Sighs) There might be something. But only if you trust me completely. Robin Hood: I do. Regina: Then I'll send Henry to my vault to get what I need. Robin Hood: Of course. What are you going to do? Regina: Something drastic. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr Gold is working on a trinket in his shop, when the door opens, and Hook and Elsa enter. Elsa is curious with the shop and what's in it.) Mr Gold: (Stops tinkering) I must apologize, but I'm really rather busy today. Hook: (Walks to the counter and his tone isn't one of friendliness) And here I was hoping for a warm hello from the newly-reformed Mr. Gold. Mr Gold: This is still a place of business. So unless you have something to offer me, I'm afraid I can be of no further help. Hook: Well, as it turns out, I do have something to offer you...my silence. See...I know that that dagger you gave Belle was a fake. Mr Gold: Is that right? Hook: Mm. I've hunted you a long time, my old crocodile, and I know you better than most. And I know that you would never let anyone have power over you. Not even Belle. Mr Gold: And you expect her to believe you without a shred of proof? Hook: Well, I could ask her to summon you with the dagger. And then, when it doesn't work...Proof. Mr Gold: That's a very dangerous insinuation. Hook: So we have a deal? Mr Gold: I do hope Miss Swan's worth it. Hook: (He smiles, insinuating that it is worth it and he turns his attention to Elsa) Good news! He's agreed to help. Elsa: (Walks towards Mr Gold, holding out her hand) This hair is from Marian. Someone cast a freezing curse on her. We need to know who it is. Mr Gold: (Takes the hair and places it in his open palm) Well... you're in luck. Magic can change forms, but never be destroyed. We'll simply return it to its natural state. (Waves his other hand and changes the hair back into its original state) Elsa: (Scoffs) Snowflakes. Mr Gold: Magic similar to yours, dearie, though not quite the same. Much like a snowflake, each person's magic is unique. Hook: Poetic. How does that help us? Mr Gold: Well, magic seeks out like-magic. So if I set this free... (He blows the snowflakes into the air) It should find its way home, back to the person who cast it. (The snowflakes begin to head for the shop door) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret is by her car, and is trying to put down Neal's pram with one hand, as he holds Neal in the other.) Mary Margaret: Come on. Ah! (Sees Archie and chuckles) Archie: Got your hands full. Mary Margaret: No, I'm fine. It's just a little trouble with the stroller. You know, they... they make these contraptions so complicated. Oh! (She drops the stroller on the ground) See? Archie: Oh. [Laughs] I can't imagine how complicated things must be with all your new responsibilities as a mother and Storybrooke and this whole ice problem. It's a lot to take on, even for Snow White. Mary Margaret: (Stops struggling with the stroller and looks down at Neal) Oh, I can handle it. You know, 'cause... I mean, I want to. They say that they grow up so fast. And I don't want to miss a second. Archie: Yeah. Because you missed it with Emma. Mary Margaret: I don't remember scheduling a session. Archie: I'm sorry. Um... I-I just can't help myself. But, you know, it... it's really okay. It's actually healthy to not be joined at the hip. And I can tell you, if you let it go, even just a little, the baby will be just fine. And you'll be even better. I promise. (Smiles and leaves Mary Margaret, just as Neal begins to cry) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Will has taken Emma and David to "Any Given Sundae" where he is still trying to convince them that the power didn't go out there during the blackout. Emma is peering through the door, and David through the window.) Emma: (Turns to look at Will) I don't know. Looks pretty normal to me. Will: It was bleeding cold in there, I'm telling you. Emma: Because they sell ice cream. Will: During the blackout. Emma: Says the guy who's trying to avoid jail. Will: I may be a thief, but I'm no liar and I can bloody well prove it. (Moves the door and tries to use a paperclip to unlock the door) David: Really? You think breaking in again is gonna help your case? Will: Can you just be quiet a second, mate? I'm just trying to do this. Takes concentration. Bit tricky. Emma: (Steps forward and takes he paperclip from him) It's all about... yeah, the tumblers. I got it. David: You do? Emma: (Sighs) Neal taught me a few things. (Unlocks the door, the bell jingles and the three of them enter, the door closing behind them) David: Emma, it doesn't look like... Emma: Wait. Shh. Listen. David: I don't hear nothing. Emma: Exactly. No compressor hum means no cooling system. (Smartass here was telling the truth. Something's not right here.) Will: Check the back. You'll see how right I am. Emma: (Enters the freezer and David follows her) Well, look at that. Looks like we owe will an apology. (Hears the bell jingle and runs out into the main part of the shop to see Will gone) Son of a... He's gone. (Notices the cashier is open and all the cash is gone) And he didn't leave empty-handed. (Goes to chase after him) David: (Stops her) Emma, stop. He's not the most important thing right now. Emma: (Frustrated) So I just let him go? David: And then you'll find him. Emma: Will I? David: What's going on? Emma, I'm your father. Talk to me. Emma: (Sighs) It's Regina. What she said, she was right. It's like I can't save a cat from a tree right now. It's like I'm the anti-saviour. David: You're being a little hard on yourself. We all have bad days. Emma: Well, I'm having a run of them. I know. David: But you can't lose faith in yourself. Trust me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook and Elsa are still following the snow flakes which are leading them through the Storybrooke woods. Every so often, Hook is stopping to mark a tree, and Elsa stops to watch him.) Elsa: What are you doing? Hook: (Marks another tree) Leaving a trail. I'm more accustomed to outrunning bad weather than following it. Elsa: (Walks alongside him) Snow isn't bad. And we're following magic. Hook: Try to outrun that, too, when given the chance. Elsa: (Chuckles) Hook: What's so funny? Elsa: It's just Emma has magic, and you clearly don't want to outrun her. Hook: More like the other way around. Elsa: Maybe she feels the same way about pirates as you do about magic. Hook: I've worked to change. Though, in fairness, being a pirate is not necessarily a bad thing. Particularly a charming one like meself. Elsa: I think your self-appreciation is blinding you to a simple fact... this isn't about you. It's about her. Hook: Is that right? A few short days, and you know Emma so well? Elsa: We're a lot alike. When you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, it can be hard to let people in, to trust them. Even when they want what's best for you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Arendelle ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Elsa and Kristoff have arrived at the cave and are looking around for the urn. They have beaten Hans and his brothers to it. The urn is on a ledge on a rock.) Kristoff: (Points to the urn) There's the urn. (Chuckles) See? I told you we could beat Hans the old-fashioned way. Now let's destroy it. Elsa: Do you mind if I use my magic now? Or would you prefer to hack away at it with your ice-axe? Kristoff: (Scoffs) You know, my hacking arm's a little tired. I think you should do the honours, your majesty. Elsa: Why, thank you, ice master. (Walks forward and takes the urn of the ledge and looks at it. An old language of text suddenly appears on the outside) Wait. There's something written here. I think these are ancient Futhark runes. I can't read it. What do you think it says? Kristoff: Uh..."Dangerous urn! Keep away!" Just a guess. Does it matter? Let's destroy it and get out of here. Elsa: What if it can tell me if there are others like me? I'm the only one in my family born with magic. I'd like to know why. Kristoff: Elsa, I know you want answers. But right now we can get rid of that urn for your own good, and Arendelle's. Elsa: I want to know what it says. I might not get another chance. Kristoff: Please, Elsa, you have to trust me on this... (Tries to reach for the urn) Elsa: No! (Snatches the urn back as footsteps approach) Kristoff: Someone's coming. Hans. (Turns to look at Hans) And his brothers. Three of them, anyway. Hans: The urn. Get it. The three brothers rush towards them, in an attempt to retrieve the urn. Kristoff draws his sword ready to fight, and Elsa uses her ice magic to knock two brothers to wall, before creating a spiky ice wall, moving it towards them, trapping them between the cave wall and her ice. Kristoff fends off the other brother, and just as they think they've won, Hans draws his sword and presses it against Kristoff's back. Hans: Enough, witch. Unless you want your sister to be left a widow. Kristoff: You know, technically, she wouldn't be a widow. We're not married yet, so... ow. Hans: Hand it over. Now. Elsa: (Hesitates) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (The snowflakes have lead Hook and Elsa to the Snow Queen.) Hook: I'd say we're on the right track. Elsa: Yes. There she is. (They watch as the Snow Queen steps out) Look. Hook: Get down. (He hides behind a log with Elsa, before pulling out his phone.) Elsa: (Looks at it curiously) What is that thing? Hook: (Sighs) I don't know. It's a device for...Talking. I don't bloody know. I press the "Emma" button, and she answers usually. (He presses the button and sighs again whilst it rings, but it goes to voicemail) Emma: (Voicemail) Hey, this is Emma. Leave a message. Hook: (Slight annoyed) Why should I carry around this ridiculous thing if you're never there when I use it? We found the person who froze Marian. Get to the west edge of the woods right away. (Hangs up and notices that Elsa is leaning over the log and pulls her back) What the bloody hell are you doing? Elsa: Sorry. I've never seen someone like me before. She doesn't look evil. Hook: Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving, love. So let's just stay out of sight. I haven't a fondness of icebergs and I'd rather avoid being turned into one. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Arendelle ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Elsa is still holding onto the urn in the cave, whilst Hans continues to threaten Kristoff with the sword poking his back.) Hans: (Eyeing Kristoff with disgust) This is the man she's to marry? Kristoff: (Scoffs)In fairness, I never tried to kill her. Hans: I didn't try to kill her. I left her to die. Important distinction. But I'm happy to kill you. Elsa: Please, no! Don't hurt him. Hans: Then give me the urn. Kristoff: Elsa, don't. It doesn't matter what happens to me. Just don't let him have it. Elsa: Wait. You can take it. Just let him go. Kristoff: Elsa! Elsa: I'm sorry, Kristoff. I should have listened to you and destroyed it when I had the chance. Kristoff: Don't you understand? If Hans has the urn and traps you, then Arendelle is doomed. Elsa: No, it isn't. I didn't trust you before, which is why I have to trust you now. You have to find Anna and save Arendelle. Hans: (Indicates to one of his brothers to take Kristoff so he can take the Urn from Elsa and he chuckles) Huh? Oh, you want to make fun of me now? Showed them. Now I'll show you. You don't belong in this world. You don't belong anywhere. Which is why I'm gonna put you somewhere where it's like you don't even exist. (He opens the lid of the urn and a runny, shiny white substance comes out and begins to move towards Elsa) The citizens of Arendelle will cheer when I take their kingdom because they'll finally have a real ruler. Not a monster like you. As the white liquid reaches Elsa, it suddenly changes paths, and moves to the side, before beginning to rise, and form into the Snow Queen. Everyone is wearing similar expressions of confusion. Kristoff: No one thought to check if it was empty? Hans: What's going on? Who are you? Snow Queen: Hmm, from what I just heard, I think you'd call me a monster. (Uses her magic to freeze Hans, his brothers running away before she gets the chance to freeze them too) Elsa: You... You saved me. Snow Queen: I know from experience. No one should be trapped in that urn. Especially someone as special as you. (Notices Kristoff) Who is this? Elsa: It's okay. He's okay. His name's Kristoff. He's my friend. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook and Elsa are still hiding behind their log, and Emma still hasn't shown up, and Hook decides that it's time to move.) Hook: We've waited long enough. We have to find Emma. (Stands up and begins to walk away, but suddenly finds himself stuck, ice around his shoes, not allowing him to move) Snow Queen: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I can't let you leave. Hook: (Confused and angry) What? Elsa: Let go of him now. Snow Queen: Not when you and I have so much catching up to do, my sweet Elsa. Hook: Catching up? What? You know her? Elsa: I've never seen her before. Snow Queen: You've simply forgotten. Elsa: I wouldn't forget someone like you. Like me. Snow Queen: The magic of the rock trolls. They pull memories. They did quite a number on you, I'm afraid. Elsa: The rock trolls? Why would they do that to me? Snow Queen: For the same reason they did it to your sister, Anna. Some memories are too painful. Elsa: You know Anna? What happened to her? Snow Queen: The same things that happens to every ordinary person. Eventually... they grow to fear us. You wonder... How you ended up trapped in that urn. It was your sister. Anna put you there. Elsa: You're lying. Snow Queen: Am I? Look at the people in this town. They're ready to burn you at the stake. Elsa: Because of what you did. You hurt one of them. Snow Queen: You mean that woman... Marian. Well, that was an accident. Elsa: No, it wasn't. You wanted them to think it was me. To blame me. Why? Snow Queen: I was trying to teach you a lesson. Eventually, everyone turns on people like us. Even friends. Even family. They're just waiting for a reason. (She begins to grow icicles above Hook, which shake, ready to drop and stab him) Elsa: What are you doing? (Tries to stop them, but she has no magic) Snow Queen: Don't bother. I've neutralized your magic. Hook: (Hastily tries to free himself, and tries to chip at the ice with his hook, but it isn't working) Snow Queen: When your friend is found, you'll look responsible. Then they'll turn on you and they'll treat you as the monster that they truly see you as, and you'll know that I'm right. Elsa: No! Emma: (Appears with David, and looks scared when she sees Hook's predicament) Hey! Dairy queen! Snow Queen: (Shocked) Emma? Emma: (Looks at the Snow Queen confused) Do we know each other? Snow Queen: Of course not. Your reputation precedes you. You really think that your magic is a match for mine? Emma: There's only one way to find out. (Uses her magic to force the Snow Queen back) David: (Rushes over to Hook and begins to forcefully bash away the ice around his feet) Hook: (Looks up and sees the sharp icicles are beginning to dislodge) No. Snow Queen: (Sits up and commands the ice to start falling) Emma: (Sees the ice is falling around David and Hook, and uses her magic to move Hook and David out of the way quickly, who land a few metres away) You guys okay? David: Yeah, we're fine. (Sits up and looks around for the Snow Queen) Where is she? Emma: She's gone. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Past. Arendelle ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Elsa and the Snow Queen are out of the ice cave, and are back in Elsa's palace with the urn. They are laughing and asking one another questions.) Elsa: Have you ever made a snowman come to life? That's the best. Snow Queen: Have you tried building an ice palace yet? Elsa: Yes. You have to see it sometime. (Giggles) Snow Queen: (Stops in front of a painting of Elsa's parents) Elsa: Oh. That's my favourite painting of my parents. I feel like it gets my mother's smile just right. Snow Queen: I agree. Elsa: You knew her? Snow Queen: Yes. She's my sister. I knew, when you told me you were queen, that I... I was waiting for the right moment. I-I-I didn't want to overwhelm you. Did... did I? Elsa: (Shocked) No, I... Well, a bit, yes. Mother never told me she had a sister. Snow Queen: I'm sure she was trying to spare you a very painful history. Y-you see I was trapped in that urn by people who fear magic like ours. But that was a long time ago. And now I cannot wait to see my beloved sister again. Where is she? Elsa: (Suddenly looks sad) Lost at sea. I'm sorry. Snow Queen: My poor darling girl. You must have felt so lonely when she died. Elsa: It was just me and my sister, Anna. But now she's missing and I fear something's happened to her, too. Snow Queen: We'll find her. Together. That's what family is for. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Elsa is standing looking at the ice formation the Snow Queen had made. Behind her, Emma, Hook and Charming re-group, after having a look for the Snow Queen.) Emma: (Sighs) No sign of her. Not even tracks. (Begins pacing again) David: What is it? You okay? Hey, we're gonna find her. Don't let Regina shake your confidence. Emma: It's not that. It's this snow queen. It's like she didn't just know Elsa. She knew me, too. David: Well, you are the sheriff and the saviour and royalty. I think pretty much everyone in Storybrooke knows who you are. Emma: (Sighs) There's something more. It's like, when she said my name, I-I-I don't know. It sounded familiar. David: Well, we'll figure it out. But today you did good. You stopped her. It was a pretty impressive show, sheriff. Hook: That it was. But perhaps we should keep searching, find the villain's lair, as it were. Emma: (Narrows her eyes at him and is angry) So you can almost get yourself killed again? That's exactly why I told you to go to the sheriff's station. (Walks off, leaving a confused Hook behind once again. She approaches Elsa and sighs) How are you doing? Elsa: That woman was lying about my sister. She would never trap me in that urn. She was lying about the past. I just wish I knew the truth. Emma: I've learned the past has a way of revealing itself. Give it time. We're gonna find her, Elsa. Your sister, Anna, and this Snow Queen. My gut tells me that you two are just pawns. I think this is about something more. Elsa: What makes you say that? Emma: I brought you to this world, Elsa, but it was an accident. The Snow Queen, she was already here. I'm starting to think maybe it wasn't just some curse that brought her to Storybrooke. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina is still in the mayor's office with a now completely frozen Marian. Robin enters the room again, and still looks stressed.) Robin Hood: Roland's with Little John now. I wish I could have told him I did everything I could. Regina: (Sighs) Even true love's kiss can't solve every problem. Robin Hood: Well, there's a reason that kiss didn't work. And it's not what everyone thinks. I'm in love with someone else. (Looks at her) Regina: (Scoffs) You are? Robin Hood: Yes. But... Regina: I know. I know you... have to go back to her. She's still your wife. Robin Hood: I'm sorry I dragged you into this. Henry: (Enters the room and walks up to them) You really need to clean that vault out. But I found it. (Starts rummaging in his bag) Regina: You're sure you still want me to do this? Robin Hood: Yes. Regina: (Inhales deeply, before plunging her heart into Marian's chest and pulling out her heart, which hasn't been touched by the ice yet) Well, the ice hasn't touched her heart yet. We can keep her alive. Robin Hood: So, then, she'll simply stay like this? Alive but... Frozen? Regina: Until we find a cure. And I will find one. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (Hook is drinking alone outside of Granny's at the same table he and Emma kissed out a few nights ago after getting back from the past. Emma exits Granny's diner, and it's clear she is still in a mood with him.) Hook: (Makes a gesture for her to join him) Swan. Don't make a man drink alone. Emma: (Continues walking past him, and still annoyed) Not in the mood for a drink or a man. (Walks out onto the street) Hook: (Runs after her) I'm sorry I didn't listen to you today. All right, I know you feel like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders. But at some point... (Uses his hook to turn her to face him) Even though we're quite different, you've got to trust me. Emma: (Raises her voice) That's what you think this is about? That I don't trust you? Hook: (Looks slightly confused) Is that not what it's about? Emma: Of course I trust you. Hook: (Raises his own voice) Then why do you keep pulling away from me? Emma: Because everyone I've ever been with is dead. Neal and Graham. Even Walsh. I lost everyone. I... I can't lose you, too. (She has tears in her eyes) Hook: (His expressions softens and he keeps his gaze on her, it now one of comfort) Well, love, you don't have to worry about me. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's surviving. (Continues to look into her eyes for a few moments, before pulling Emma too him and kissing her passionately in the middle of the street, ending their argument) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Present. Storybrooke ] [SCENE_BREAK] (The Snow Queen makes her way through the woods, and Mr Gold is waiting for her. The Snow Queen looks surprised to see him.) Mr Gold: Don't worry, dearie. It's only me. Sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted. Snow Queen: They will. Mr Gold: We shall see. And, uh... Did Miss Swan remember you? Snow Queen: No. Mr Gold: That's good for you. Because it could happen. And you wouldn't want that, now, would you? Are you sure you don't want my help? Snow Queen: When I'm ready to make a deal, I'll come to you. Mr Gold: A moment I eagerly await. Now, you should find some shelter. It's getting quite frosty. (Walks away and leaves the Snow Queen alone in the woods) [SCENE_BREAK] [ End ]	Plan: A: an icy spell; Q: What spell is cast on Marian? A: her heart; Q: What will Marian's spell freeze? A: the blame; Q: What do the Storybrooke residents place on Elsa? A: Elsa; Q: Who is the mysterious woman who runs the town's ice cream parlor trying to frame? A: the same powers; Q: What does the woman who runs the ice cream parlor have in common with Elsa? A: Merry Men; Q: What group was Will Scarlet a member of? A: Robin Hood's tent; Q: Where did Emma and David find Will Scarlet rummaging through? A: Regina; Q: Who teams up with Henry to try and discover who the author of the fairy tale book is? A: Mary Margaret; Q: Who is having trouble balancing her duties as leader of Storybrooke and mother to young Prince Neal? A: Hook; Q: Who suspects that Mr. Gold is still in control of the dagger that calls upon him to be the Dark One? A: the dagger; Q: What does Hook suspect Mr. Gold is still in control of? A: Kristoff; Q: Who did Elsa team up with to stop Hans from taking over Arendelle? A: the kingdom; Q: What does Hans want to take control of? Summary: When an icy spell is cast on Marian, which will ultimately freeze her heart and kill her, the Storybrooke residents place the blame on Elsa. But unbeknownst to anyone, a mysterious woman who runs the town's ice cream parlor has the same powers as Elsa and is trying to frame her. Emma and David find former Merry Men member Will Scarlet rummaging through Robin Hood's tent, Regina teams up with Henry to try and discover who the author of the fairy tale book is, Mary Margaret is having trouble balancing her duties as leader of Storybrooke and mother to young Prince Neal, and Hook begins to suspect that Mr. Gold is still in control of the dagger that calls upon him to be the Dark One. Meanwhile, in Arendelle of the past, Elsa and Kristoff set off to stop Hans from attempting to take control of the kingdom.
ACT ONE Scene One - Apartment The scene opens with Daphne sitting at the table eating her breakfast. Martin is sitting in a chair against the door. Frasier enters from the direction of the bedrooms. Frasier: Morning Daphne, Dad. Daphne: Shhh! [re: Martin] You'll ruin his concentration! He's on a stakeout to catch whoever's been pinching our newspaper. He's been at it for over an hour! I must say, I can see why he was such a good policeman. Frasier walks over towards his father to investigate. Loud snoring soon becomes apparent. Frasier: Yes, very impressive, isn't he? When he wakes up you must get him to tell you about his stint as security coordinator for Jimmy Hoffa! Doorbell rings. Frasier wakes up Martin. Frasier: Dad, come on, rise and shine. Martin: [waking up] Huh? Frasier: You fell asleep. [he opens the door] Oh, good morning, Niles! Niles: Hello. Frasier: [looking for the paper] Ah yes, I see our newspaper thief has struck again! Martin: Damn, he's good! Martin crosses to sit by Daphne at the table. Frasier moves the chair back to where it should be. Niles follows him over to the table. Frasier: [to Niles] Come on in. Niles: This morning, for the first time since our separation, Maris actually picked up the phone and called me! She needs a favour. Frasier: Well Niles, I think that's hardly cause to celebrate. She called you just because she wants something? Niles: No, no, not "wants," Frasier; "needs." This is my chance to show her how necessary I really am to her, and all I have to do is fix one small problem! Martin: What's the problem? Niles: Uh, she's wanted by the police. Apparently, she was driving past a shoe store last week, when she spotted a stunning pair of Ferragamo pumps. Well, I need not remind you what effect a Ferragamo sighting can have on Maris's hand-eye coordination. She drove up on the sidewalk, and when the police ran her name through the computer they found quite a little backlog of unpaid parking tickets! Frasier: What else would you expect from a woman who thinks her chocolate allergy entitles her to park in a handicapped space? Niles: Oh, and to top it all off she neglected to appear for her summons, and so they immediately swore out a warrant, and that brings us to you, Dad. Martin: Why? Niles: You were a cop. I'm sure you still have "chums," hint-hint? Who could lend you a hand, wink-wink? Martin: No. Look, you know I'd do anything for you, but not this. All my years on the force I never even fixed a ticket, let alone an arrest warrant. Niles: You couldn't pull one little string? Martin: No, I hope everything works out for you, but I think the law should be the same for everyone. Niles: Well, it's not. We'd all like to believe that justice is blind, but the sad truth is, wealthy white women just can't get a fair shake! The courts love to make examples of them. Daphne: Oh, they do. Just think of Zsa Zsa Gabor, or Leona Helmsley. Frasier: [sarcastic] Oh yes, two perfectly lovely women victimised by an unjust system. Niles: Alright, fine. [standing] If you won't help me, I'll just have to help myself. [goes towards door] I'm going down to that precinct house, and I'm not leaving until I get justice. Well, not exactly justice, I suppose, more like preferential treatment, but I'm not leaving 'til I get it! [exits via front door] Daphne: What a horrible thing to happen. Can you picture poor Mrs. Crane confined to a jail cell? Frasier: Only if they moved the bars closer together. [SCENE_BREAK] THE LITTLE COMMODORE Scene Two - KACL Fade in to the KACL studio booth, where Frasier is wrapping up his show for the day. Frasier: Well, that's it for today, folks! This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you good mental health! He hits the off-air switch, and Niles enters, distressed. Niles: Frasier, I feel as if I'm being sucked into a vortex of rage and despair! Frasier: Well, right back atcha! I take it things didn't go down so well at the station? Niles: The police simply would not listen to reason. Roz: [entering from producer's booth] Police? Niles: They're persecuting my Maris over some silly parking fines. I felt sure they'd ease up if they understood Maris a little better, so I tried to explain her to them. Frasier: Oh, dear God. Roz: You know, I dated a guy once who got in trouble with the cops... Niles: Notice the complete absence of gasps following that statement. Roz: Oh! OK fine, you little weasel. Just forget it. I was going to help you, but Maris can just rot in the slammer. She walks back into the producer's suite. Niles: [suddenly very apologetic] Ooh Roz, I was joshing! I know how you enjoy our little by-play! That weasel line, ouch, touché! Roz: You know what, you're even more annoying when you grovel. Niles: Zing! Got me again! Frasier: Roz, if not for his sake, then for mine, please? Roz: OK, for you. My friend Phil had some major traffic violations, and he was so freaked that he called this guy who, you know, fixes things. Frasier: Sounds just a tad shady, Roz. You mean he went to some hoodlum? Roz: Well, I wouldn't use the word "hoodlum" in front of him. [Searches her rolodex] Just think of him as a guy who makes wishes come true. Like a fairy godfather. Another word I wouldn't use in front of him. [finds the card] Here we go! Jerome Belasco. Niles: [takes the card] Oh Roz, you are an angel of mercy. How can I repay you? Roz: The next time you think of some witty little thing to say about my sx life, or what I'm wearing, just keep it to yourself. Niles: [looking her up and down, searching for something nice to say] Consider it done. Roz snatches the card back, then Niles snatches it off her. Niles: Give me that! Roz exits. Frasier takes the card from Niles. Frasier: No, give me that! Niles: Frasier! Frasier: Are you mad? I will not have you turning a minor, albeit annoying situation into a, a Martin Scorsese film! Niles: You don't understand what this means to me. When Maris asked me for this favour, do you know what she said? She said, "Niles, will you be my Commodore?" Frasier: Her Commodore? Niles: That's what she used to call her father. Frasier, there was no problem so great that that man couldn't fix it. Frasier: I'm sure. Niles: Remember that lovely jeweled crucifix Maris picked up on her first communion trip to Rome? Who do you think smoothed things over with the Vatican? Frasier: Yes, whatever happened to the days when a parent would take a wayward child by the hand, march them back to the scene of the crime and make them say, "I'm sorry, Your Holiness, it'll never happen again"? Niles: You don't understand. If I show Maris that I can step into the Commodore's plimsolls, she'll have a whole new respect for me. We can rebuild our marriage on a healthier foundation. Frasier, please. Frasier hesitates, then gives him the card. Niles: Thank you. I just know this man is the answer to my problems. Frasier: Yes, who better to mend the fragile fabric of a troubled marriage than a man whose business address is a wharf! They both exit the booth, FADE OUT. Scene Three - Outside Café Nervosa late at night. Frasier and Niles are sitting at one of the tables drinking coffee. Frasier: Niles, look. This is ridiculous, it's past midnight. I'm leaving. Niles: No, no, no, you can't leave. You're my backup. I wonder what's keeping him? At this point a man in his late 40's enters the scene, wearing a long dark overcoat. He sits opposite the boys at another of the outside tables. Frasier: Do you suppose that's him? Niles: [scoffs] I doubt it, that overcoat is Armani! Frasier: [sarcastically] Good point, Niles. Where would a criminal come up with the money for something like that? The man looks at them and Frasier waves his hand. The man then stands and crosses to meet them. The boys also stand. Jerome: Oh, Dr. Crane, I presume? Niles: Oh, yes. I'm Niles Crane, this is my brother, Dr. Frasier Crane. Jerome: Jerome Belasco. [shakes hands with Frasier] Frasier: Pleasure. Jerome: Excuse my tardiness, but my lady friend and I were having one of those discussions from which it is difficult to remove oneself. Frasier: [to Niles] Yes, we certainly know about those, don't we? Niles: Yes, dames! Jerome: So you have some problem you think I can help you with? Niles: Well, I do. Please, Jerome. He indicates for Jerome to sit, and the boys sit themselves. Niles: Well, you see, last week my lady got on the wrong side of "Larry Law," and since then certain, shall we say, "complications" have arisen, and in brief, things have got "hot-hot-hot," and we believe you are the man to "turn on the air conditionin'." Jerome: I sense you're a film buff, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Just show him the charges, Niles. Niles: [getting charge sheet out of pocket] Yes, here we are. Quite a few. [hands sheet to Jerome] Jerome: [reading] "Ignoring a summons, speeding, reckless endangerment." Your wife sounds like a very carefree lady. Frasier: Oh, yes. She's ounces of fun. Niles: Do you think you could persuade the police to show some leniency? Jerome: Well, there's never any harm in making a phone call. Excuse me. He gets up and looks around for a telephone. Niles: Thank you! Yes, around and straight to the back. Jerome goes inside. Niles: [excitedly] He's making the call! He's making the call! Frasier, you're going to think I'm mad for saying this, but... that was fun! Frasier: Well, I must admit, Niles, it is not entirely unpleasant to rub shoulders with the demi-monde. I definitely felt a real testosterone surge, you know? Niles: Me too, me too! It's like an actual tingling in my chest. And now it's gone... there it is again! ...and now it's gone. Frasier: Oh, Niles, it must be your cellular phone vibrating. Niles: Oh, it is! You're right. [he reaches into his inside pocket and takes out the phone] Hello? Oh hello, Maris! Yes, I'm tending to that very matter right now. [he sees Jerome approaching] Oh, just wait a second. Frasier: Well? Jerome: You may consider the matter dealt with. Niles: Maris, it's all taken care of... What did you say? No, I've just never heard those words before. You're welcome. [he hangs up the phone] Oh Jerome, thank you! Jerome: Now, if you'll excuse me gentlemen, I've got another business engagement. Frasier: At this hour of the night? [looks at watch] My God, it's past midnight. What kind of business could it possibly be [realises what he's saying] ...of mine where you're going! [laughs nervously] Niles: Tell me, what do I owe you? [Takes out wallet] Jerome: Oh, nothing. I was happy I could help. Niles: Oh, don't be silly. I insist! Jerome: Consider it a favour. I was in a position to help you. Perhaps someday you'll be in a position to help me. [he stands to leave] Niles: Oh, I would love that. If there's ever anything I can do for you, just say the word. Jerome: You're very kind. It was a pleasure meeting you both. Niles: And you. [calling after Jerome as he leaves] And I meant that! Anything at all, you just let me know! As soon as Jerome is gone, Niles realizes his mistake even before noticing Frasier's appalled look. Niles: [shaking his head] I shouldn't have said that, should I? END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO DOESN'T EVERYONE HAVE POI RAMEKINS? Scene Four - Back at Frasier's apartment. Niles and Frasier enter, wearing their squash kit. Jerome is already in the flat, talking with Martin and Daphne. Jerome: Dr. Crane. Frasier: Jerome! Look Niles, it's Jerome! [sotto voce] In my house! Daphne: We've been having the most delightful chat. Jerome: Dr. Crane, you're a lucky young man to have such a charming young woman in your employ. Daphne: [obviously flattered] Oh, go on. Did you know his brother supplied the cement for this very building? Niles and Frasier look positively horrified at this statement. Niles: What a small world, oh look at the time! He tries to leave but Frasier puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Martin: So Jerome, you didn't tell us what line of work you're in. Daphne: Oh wait, let me guess! [to Jerome] I'm a bit psychic. Let's see... you're some sort of doctor. An osteopath, perhaps? Jerome: No. Daphne: Well that's odd. I can see you hovering over people with broken bones. Niles shuts his eyes and leans his head onto Frasier's shoulder. Martin: [standing] Boys, why don't you help me get some refreshments for your new friend? Frasier: Yes, yes! Excuse us, Jerome! The boys follow Martin into the kitchen. Martin: Who the hell is this guy? Niles: He's some hooligan who helped fix Maris's legal problem, and in return I promised him a favour. Oh God, do you think that's why he's here? To collect? Frasier: [sarcastically] No, Niles. He's probably having a luau and he came to borrow our Poi Ramekins! Martin: Are you guys nuts? You don't get involved with somebody like that! Niles: Wait, before we panic, we should at least talk to him. You know, get the "straight dope." Also known as "the skinny." Frasier: Knock it off, Bugsy! They re-enter the living room, Frasier carrying a tray with a jug of Orange Squash on it. Jerome is talking to Daphne. Jerome: Stealing newspapers is most un-neighbourly behaviour. If you would like I could find out who's doing it, and make sure they never even think... Frasier: [interrupting] Oh no! No! That's fine! Niles: So Jerome, is there something we can do for you? Jerome: Since you ask, you may recall the other evening I mentioned my lady friend? If I may... He reaches into his breast pocket, and Niles and Frasier clutch together, thinking he's about to pull out a gun, when he instead pulls out several photographs. Daphne: Oh! She's a pretty thing, isn't she! Jerome: This is at the dog track where we met. And here's our first Sinatra Concert. And this was at the funeral of a business associate. Martin gives Niles a hooded look. Frasier: You know, for the life of me, I can't recall ever having seen a woman wearing so many different kinds of furs all at the same time. Jerome: Well, Brandy is a uniquely stylish woman. Niles: Brandy? Jerome: Yeah, the traditional spelling. The Crane boys all look at each other, trying to work out when "Brandy" started to classify as a traditional name. Jerome: We've been engaged for eight years, but she refuses to set a wedding date. This upsets me. It also upsets my mother, whose comments on the subject are frequent and vivid. Martin: So where do these two come in? Jerome: Well, if she's reluctant to marry me, obviously she needs therapy. Frasier: Well, you're in luck! Niles happens to be one of the finest marriage counselers in all of Seattle! Jerome: Well actually, Dr. Crane, I would prefer it if Brandy spoke to you. Frasier: To me? Jerome: [to Niles] No offense to you, Dr. Crane. Niles: [very relieved] Oh, none taken! Jerome: She's a great fan of your show. I'm sure she'd heed any advice that you might care to offer. Such as "Marry him. Promptly." But I'm not here to put words into your mouth. You'll know what to say. [he gets up to leave] Frasier: Jerome, you know I'm a psychiatrist. I'm used to rendering my opinion, not being a mouthpiece for someone else. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this. Jerome: Dr. Crane, there are some times in life we must do unpleasant things. I'd hate to tell you some of the unpleasant things I've had to do. Frasier: I see. Well then, why don't you just give Brandy my unlisted home number, which I'm sure you came across when you were finding out where I lived. I'll be glad to chat with her. Jerome: Thank you. She'll be in touch. [shakes Frasier's hand] And I hope that one day you'll dance at my wedding. He leaves. Frasier: If I'm able to dance. Martin: If you ask me, you're getting off easy. He could have asked you for a much bigger favour. Frasier: Dad, how can I possibly as a self-respecting psychiatrist tell any woman to marry that thug? Daphne: What are you talking about? He seemed very nice to me. Frasier: This coming from the psychic who thought he was a chiropractor! Martin: Listen, I've heard your show. One more piece of half-assed advice isn't going to kill you. Frasier gives him a look. Martin: Jerome, on the other hand... Frasier: Okay, dad! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five Fade in to Frasier's booth at KACL, where he is mid-show. Frasier: The key to lasting weight-loss is to change the way you view food everyday. You can't go on through life binging and then starving yourself for two weeks just to fit into that gorgeous new evening gown you've bought for a special occasion. Can you understand that? Steve: [v.o.] Yeah. Thanks Doc. Frasier: Don't mention it, Steve. Roz, who's our next caller? Roz: We have Randy, from Richmond Beach. Frasier: Hello Randy, I'm listening. Brandy: Not Randy, Brandy. [Frasier looks suddenly worried] Frasier: Brandy? Brandy: The traditional spelling. Frasier: You know we're all out of time, my goodness I feel so sorry but... Roz: No, you're not. We've got five minutes left! Frasier: Thank you, Roz! Alright Brandy, go ahead. Your problem, please. Brandy: It's my boyfriend, Jerome. He said I should call you. We've been semi-engaged for eight years, and he wants to get married. Frasier: Well, I can certainly hear the love in your voice, so I say case closed, best of luck to you in the future! Brandy: Whoa! You got a bus to catch?! There's a lot more to it. For starters I think he's cheated on me. Roz: Well, in my experience, if you suspect something like that, nine out of ten times you're right. Frasier: Well, I think a little mistrust adds mystery to a relationship. Roz starts to look perplexed at Frasier's opinions. He gives her a little stare as if to say "Shut up and play along!" Brandy: Mystery I could stand if he didn't neglect me so much. Every time we go for a romantic dinner he gets a phone call and bang, it's "Gotta work babe, finish your lobster. I'll send you a limo." Frasier: Lobster? Limos? My God, give me his number and I'll marry him! Brandy: Money ain't everything, especially when you've got a sx life like ours... Roz: He's not even good in bed? Brandy: Who knows? We're never there long enough to find out! Frasier: You know, this really isn't necessary... Brandy: I said to him last night, "What the hell was that?! I've been vaccinated slower!" Frasier: Well, that just leaves more time to cuddle! Roz: Can I say something? Frasier: No! Brandy: Look, I could deal with the other problems, if it weren't for one thing. All my life I've dreamed of being a career woman, but he says I'm not allowed to work! I'm supposed to sit home all day, let him take care of me. So, what do you think Doc? Should I marry him? Frasier: Well... taking into account the years you've invested in the relationship, and Jerome's obvious love for you, not to mention his generosity... Brandy: Tell me what you think Dr. Crane 'cause I really, really respect you. Frasier thinks hard for a moment, but is caught. Frasier: Brandy... run! [Roz holds up two thumbs] Save yourself. Do not marry this man. [he presses the button to cut her off] This is Dr Frasier Crane, saying goodbye, and see you, God willing, tomorrow. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six Fade in at Café Nervosa. Frasier is sitting at a table on his own, ordering a drink from a passing waiter. Frasier: Yes, I'll have a non-fat, decaf latte, please. Oh, what the hell? Look, make it a full-fat mocha with extra whipped cream. What the hell, put a slice of bacon on it! Niles approaches Frasier, who is sitting with his back to him. Niles clamps his hand down on Frasier's shoulder, and Frasier jumps, terrified. Niles: Hello, Frasier. Frasier: Niles! Don't do that! Niles: Sorry. [to waiter] Double espresso, please. [to Frasier] I heard you on the radio today. I thought what you did Was noble. [pause] To what South American nation will you be fleeing? Frasier: Oh, like I'd tell you. One minute of interrogation and you would crack like a Jordan almond! Niles: Frasier, I never meant for any of this to happen. How long are you going to stay mad at me? Frasier: For as long as I live. Which'll probably take us through breakfast. He sees Jerome entering the cafe, looking rather depressed. Frasier: Oh, wrong again! Niles: Oh, oh look! It's Jerome Belasco! Jerome, take a seat! Look Frasier, it's our friend, [turns to lady sitting behind them] Jerome Belasco. They all sit down, Frasier and Niles very nervously. There is an ominous silence. Jerome: I heard your broadcast this afternoon. It displeased me. [the waitress comes over to get his order] Yeah, let me have a little hot milk, please. When I'm displeased I get acid in my stomach, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do is displease you. Or to hear the words "acid" and "Dr. Crane" in the same sentence. But - Jerome, I'm sorry - how could I have advised her otherwise? She said that you cheated on her. Jerome: She said she suspected me! I've never cheated on Miss Brandy. Frasier: Alright, be that as it may, how can I advise her to marry a man who's so controlling that he won't even allow her to work? Jerome: It may interest you to know that over the years I've called in favours to get Miss Brandy fourteen jobs! She lost all of them. Frasier: So you're saying she's had trouble finding her niche? Jerome: No, I'm saying she's a dodo. Now you may love a dodo; you may think the dodo is beautiful; you may even wish to marry the dodo. But you do not encourage a dodo to fly! Now, when she loses these jobs it makes her very unhappy. So for her sake I said "No more jobs." But now, in order to convince her to marry me, I've had to reverse this policy. Frasier: So she has agreed to marry you? Jerome: If I get her a job. And not just any job. A job that she can never lose. A job where if she burns the place down, they will apologise to her for having made it so flammable. Niles: Well, good luck finding someone who'll hire her. Jerome and Frasier look at Niles, then each other, then Niles again. He gives a little moan of realisation. FADE OUT. Scene Seven Fade in to Frasier's apartment. Daphne and Martin are sitting at the table, eating. Frasier enters, obviously just having had a shower. Daphne: Dr. Crane, your brother called. The court time for your tennis game is 11 o'clock. Frasier: Oh, good Lord. I distinctly told him I wasn't available until noon. Martin: Hey, if you're going to call him back, put it on the speakerphone. Frasier: Don't you think this is getting a little old? Daphne: Well I think it's just mean, is what I think. Martin: So sue me, I enjoy it. Frasier presses the AutoDial on the phone. Brandy answers. Brandy: [v.o.] Good morning! Niles Crane, psy-kee-at-trist. Martin bursts into hysterics at the table. Frasier: Yes, is Dr. Crane there? This is his brother, Frasier. Brandy: Oh hi, Dr. Crane. It's me, Brandy. Hang on, I'm getting another call. She presses the wrong button and cuts Frasier off. Martin bursts into hysterics again. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] A woman is outside Frasier's apartment. She looks around to check no-one can see her, then picks up his paper and heads for the lift. However it opens and Niles steps out. She drops the paper, pretending she hadn't picked it up. Niles thinks she hasn't noticed she's dropped it, and picks it up for her. She leaves in the lift. Martin then opens the door to try and catch the thief, but realises it's just Niles. Martin starts to look for the paper, and Niles realises what he's done, and pretends he hasn't seen the paper either.	Plan: A: Niles; Q: Who brings news of Maris' legal troubles? A: news; Q: What does Niles bring to Martin about Maris' legal troubles? A: a minor road accident; Q: What has Maris had that has caused her legal troubles? A: a heap; Q: How many unpaid parking tickets did the police find when they were filing the accident report? A: his influence; Q: What does Niles ask Martin to exert? A: principle; Q: Why does Martin refuse to help Niles? A: Jerome; Q: Who does Niles promise to help at any time? A: Jerome Belasco; Q: Who does Roz tell Niles about? A: wishes; Q: What does Jerome Belasco make come true? A: Frasier; Q: Who meets Jerome's fiancée? A: the issue; Q: What does Jerome resolve when Niles and Frasier meet him? A: his reluctant fiancée; Q: Who does Jerome want Frasier to persuade to set a wedding date? A: the marriage; Q: What does Frasier advise against? Summary: Niles brings news of Maris' legal troubles: she has had a minor road accident, but while the police were filing the report, they came across a heap of unpaid parking tickets. Niles initially asks Martin to exert his influence, but his father refuses on principle. Roz, however, informs Niles of a man named Jerome Belasco, who "makes wishes come true". When Niles and Frasier meet Jerome, he quickly resolves the issue, and Niles is so happy that he promises to help Jerome "any time". Jerome requests that Frasier persuade his reluctant fiancée to set a wedding date; Frasier meets the fiancée, learns of her unhappiness in the relationship, and advises against the marriage.
OPENING CREDITS Holding a red folder, Donna walks along a crowded street. The Doctor walks on another crowded street. Donna looks up to a high building, then walks toward it. The Doctor looks up to the same building from the other side. Donna enters through the main entrance. EMPLOYEE (voice-over): Good morning, Adipose Industries. The Doctor opens a fire exit with the sonic screwdriver and enters the building. Donna flashes a card to the security guard. DONNA: Donna Noble, Health and Safety. The Doctor walks on a deserted corridor. He flashes the psychic paper to the security guard. DOCTOR: John Smith, Health and Safety. About three dozen people, including Donna, are sitting in a lecture room listening to Miss Foster. MISS FOSTER: Adipose Industries. The 21st century way to lose weight. No exercise, no diet, no pain. Just lifelong freedom from fat. The Holy Grail of the modern age. And here it is. You just take one capsule, one capsule, once a day, for three weeks. And the fat, as they say... COMPUTER VOICE: The fat just walks away. PENNY: Excuse me, Miss Foster, if I could? I'm Penny Carter, science correspondent for The Observer. There are a thousand diet pills on the market, a thousand con men stealing people's money. How do we know the fat isn't going straight into your bank account? MISS FOSTER: Oh Penny, if cynicism burnt up calories, we'd all be as thin as rakes. But if you want the science, I oblige. COMPUTER VOICE: Adipose Industries. The Adipose capsule is composed of a synthesised mobilising lipase, bound to a large protein molecule. The Doctor is watching the demonstration from the projector room. COMPUTER VOICE (through the window): The mobilising lipase breaks up the trigycerides stored in the adipose cells, which then enter... The Doctor shows the psychic paper to the man handling the projector. DOCTOR: Health and Safety. Film department. MISS FOSTER: 100 percent legal, 100 percent effective. PENNY: But, can I just ask, how many people have taken the pills to date? MISS FOSTER: We've already got one million customers within the Greater London area alone. But from next week, we start rolling out nationwide. The future starts here. And Britain will be thin. In the call center of Adipose Industries, phones keep ringing. EMPLOYEES: Good morning, I represent Adipose Industries. Donna goes to an employee, Craig. CRAIG (talking on the phone): That's a three-week course of pills for a special price of 45 pounds. DONNA (whispers): Donna Noble, Health and Safety. Don't mind me. The Doctor goes to another employee, Clare. CLARE (on the phone): We deliver within three working days. DOCTOR (whispers): John Smith, Health and Safety. Don't mind me. CRAIG (still on phone): The box comes with 21 days' worth of pills, a full information pack, and our special free gift, an Adipose Industries pendant. CLARE (on the phone, but looking at the Doctor): It is made of 18 carat gold, and it's yours for free. No, we don't give away pens, sorry. No, I can't make an exception, no. DONNA (putting the pendant into her pocket): I'll just need to keep this for testing. And I just need a list of your customers. Could you print it off? CRAIG: Suppose so. DONNA: Where's the printer? CRAIG: Just over there, by the plant. She stands up, looking for the printer. DONNA: Which plant, that plant? CRAIG: Yeah, that's the one. DONNA: Lovely. She sits down. The Doctor stands up. DOCTOR: That's the printer there? CLARE: By the plant, yeah. DOCTOR: Brilliant. He sits down. Donna stands up. DONNA: Does it need a code? Last place I worked, the printer needed a code. CRAIG: No, I can do it from here. She sits down. The Doctor stands up. DOCTOR: Has it got paper? CLARE: Yeah, Jimbo keeps it stocked. Miss Foster walks in, two bodyguards in tow. MISS FOSTER: Excuse me, everyone, if I could have your attention. Everyone stands up, except the Doctor and Donna, who look up and hide in turns as Miss Foster turns to different sides of the room. MISS FOSTER: On average, you're each selling forty Adipose packs per day. It's not enough. I want one hundred sales per person per day. And if not, you'll be replaced. Cos if anyone is good in trimming the fat, it's me. Now. Back to it. She leaves. DOCTOR: Anyway, if you could print that off. Thanks. DONNA: So if you could just print off that list, I'll get out of your way. She stands up. DONNA: Lovely! Thanks, then. See you! She walks to the printer. DOCTOR: Thanks, then. Oh, what's that? CLARE: My telephone number. DOCTOR (confused): What for? CLARE: Health and Safety. You be health, I'll be safety. DOCTOR (making up an excuse): Aah. Aah. But. That contravenes ah, paragraph five, subsection C. Sorry. He stands up and goes to the printer, turning his back to Donna who is already leaving. But something is wrong with the printer, so he goes back to Clare and smiles at her. DOCTOR: Me again. Knocking on a door, a fat woman goes to open it. It's Donna. DONNA: Stacy Campbell? STACY: Who wants to know? DONNA: My name is Donna, I represent Adipose Industries (she flashes a card) and you're on the list of our valued customers. Knocking on another door, this time a man answers it. DOCTOR: Mr Roger Davey, I'm calling on behalf of Adipose Industries (he flashes the psychic paper), just need to ask you a few questions. STACY: It's been fantastic. I've started the pills on Thursday. Five days later, I've lost eleven pounds! DONNA: And no side effects or anything? STACY: No, I feel fantastic. It's a new lease of life. Now, what d'you think of these earrings, do they work? DONNA: Yeah, lovely. ROGER: I've been on the pills two weeks now, I've lost fourteen kilos. DOCTOR: That's the same amount every day? ROGER: One kilo exactly. You wake up, and it's disappeared overnight. Well, technically speaking, it's gone by ten past one in the morning. DOCTOR: What makes you say that? ROGER: That's when I get woken up. Might as well weigh myself at the same time. The Doctor looks suspiciously. DONNA: You go on a date? STACY: I'm doing the opposite. I'm dumping him. I can do better than him now. Right, I won't be long. If the taxi beeps, give me a shout. ROGER: It is driving me mad. Ten minutes past one, every night, bang on the dot without fail, the burglar alarm goes off. I've had experts in, I've had it replaced, I've even phoned Watchdog. But no, ten past one in the morning, off it goes. DOCTOR: But with no burglars? ROGER: Nothing. I've given up looking. DOCTOR: Tell me Roger, have you got a cat flap? They knee by the cat flap. ROGER: It was there when I bought the house. Never bothered with it. I'm not a cat person. DOCTOR: No, I've met cat people. You are nothing like them. ROGER: It's that what it is then? Cats getting inside the house? DOCTOR: Well, thing about cat flaps is that they don't just let things in, they let things out as well. ROGER: Like what? DOCTOR: The fat just walks away. STACY (shouting from the bathroom): Won't be long! DONNA: That's all right! She pulls out the Adipose pendant and start playing with it, twisting it accidentally. Stacy's belly starts moving and giving out strange noises. In Miss Foster's office, an alarm goes off. MISS FOSTER: We have unscheduled parthenogenesis. DOCTOR: Well, thanks for your help. Tell you what, maybe you could lay off the pills for a week or so. (a device beeps). Ooh, gotta go, sorry. He runs away, following the signal. MISS FOSTER (talking to a wrist communicator device): Send out the collection squad. Bring them home. An Adipose breaks off from Stacy's belly. DONNA: You all right up there? STACY: Yeah. MISS FOSTER: The Adipose has been witnessed. Activating full parthenogenesis. She twists another Adipose pendant. A second Adipose appears and jumps beside the first one to the sink. Both waving at Stacy. STACY: What? What are you? What are you? Bumps appear and disappear all across her body, with more strange noise. DONNA (walks upstairs): I like what you've done in the hall. Stacy? Are you all right? I wouldn't mind a little visit myself. Everything all right in there? (Knocking on the bathroom door). Only me. Do you mind if I pop to the loo? Stacy? STACY: Help me! Oh my God, help me! DONNA: What is it, what's wrong? She tries to get inside, but the door is locked. DONNA: Stacy! Stacy screams and then falls apart to about twenty little Adipose. Donna finally manages to break into the room, but Stacy is gone. There's only her clothes left. And the last baby Adipose, waving to her before jumping out of the window. The collection squad car drives along a street with sirens flashing. The Doctor runs along street holding up the device in front of him. He stops, looks at the device, bangs it, blows on it, then holds it out in front of him again and runs off. Collection car pulls up and two bald men in suits get out and remove a butterfly net from the trunk. Donna runs along a street. The Doctor runs along another street. He stops, waves the device around, looking for a signal. It dings and he runs on. The bald men close a container and put it in the trunk of the van, then they get in and drive away. The van passes Donna, then it passes the Doctor who runs out into the street. The car honks and passes him. The device dings as the car drives away. The Doctor starts running after it, but the car turns a corner and disappears. A taxi drives up to Donna. TAXI DRIVER: Stacy Campbell? DONNA: No, she's gone. TAXI DRIVER: Gone where? DONNA: She's just gone. TAXI DRIVER: Aw great, thanks for nothing. Taxi drives away. The Doctor holds up the device looking disappointed. The taxi drives past him and we see that the Doctor and Donna are just one street away from each other. They both walk away. Miss Foster puts on her glasses. MISS FOSTER: It seems that we have a case of industrial espionage. One touch and the capsule bio-tunes itself to it's owner, but someone must have introduced a second raw capsule. She looks at camera footage of the offices. MISS FOSTER: Therefore, one of these people is a thief. There, oh yes, there she is. Now... what should we do with her? Donna comes in the front door. Her mother's voice comes from another room. SYLVIA [/b](voice-over): And what time is this? DONNA (rolling the eyes): How old am I? Sylvia comes out into the front hall. SYLVIA: Not old enough to use a phone. Sylvia bustles around in the kitchen while Donna sits at a table drinking tea, lost in thoughts. SYLVIA: I thought you were only moving back for a couple of weeks. Look at you, I mean you're never gonna find a flat, not while you're on the dole. And its no good sitting there, dressed up, looking like you're job hunting, you've got to do something! It's not like the 1980s, no one's unemployed these days except you! How long did that job with Health and Safety last? Two days, and then you walk out. "I have other plans", well I've not seen them. And it's no good sitting there dreaming, no one's gonna come along with a magic wand and make your life all better. DONNA (rolling her eyes at her mothers nagging): Where is Grandad? SYLVIA: Where do you think he is! Up the hill. He's always up the hill. Donna walks up a big hill in to a kind of junk yard. Her grandad walks out of a tin shed. WILF: Aye, aye here comes trouble. Ha. DONNA: Permission to board ship, sir? WILF: Permission granted. Was she nagging you? DONNA: Ha ha. Big time. Wilf sits down on a camp chair in front of a telescope. DONNA: Brought you a thermos. WILF: Oh, ta. DONNA: You seen anything? WILF: Yeah, I've got Venus, there with an apparent magnitude of minus 3.5. At least that's what it says in my little book. Donna pulls out a tarpin and sits down. WILF: Here, come and see, come on, here you go. Donna looks in to the telescope. WILF: Right? That's the only planet in the Solar System named after a woman. DONNA: Good for her. How far away is that? WILF: Oh, its about 26 million miles. But we'll get there one day. In a hundred years time we'll be striding out amongst the stars. Jiggling about with all them aliens. Just you wait. DONNA: You really believe in all that stuff, don't you? WILF: It's all over the place these days. If I wait here long enough... DONNA: I don't suppose you've seen a little blue box? WILF: Is that slang for something? DONNA: No, I mean it. If you ever see a little blue box flying up there in the sky, you shout for me, Gramps. Oh, you just shout. WILF: You know, I don't understand half the things you say these days. DONNA: Not me. WILF: No, fair dos. You've had a funny old time of it lately. There was poor old what's his name, Lance, bless him... and that barmy old Christmas. I wish you would tell us what really happened. DONNA: I know. It's just... the things I've seen. Sometimes I think I'm going mad. I mean even tonight I was in a... doesn't matter. WILF: Well you're not yourself, I'll give you that. You just... you seem to be drifting, sweetheart. DONNA: I'm not drifting. I'm waiting. WILF: What for? DONNA: The right man. WILF: Oh, ho, ho same old story. A man! Haha. DONNA: Ha, ha, no, I don't mean like that. But, he's real. I've seen him. I've met him, just once. And then... I let him fly away. WILF: Well there you are, go and find him! DONNA: I've tried. He's nowhere. WILF: Oi, not like you to give up. You know, remember when you were about six years old, your mother said no holiday this year. So off you toddled, all on your own and you got on a bus to Strathclyde! Hah! We had the police after you and everything! Ha, where's she gone then, where's that girl, hey? DONNA: You're right. Cos he's still out there, somewhere. And I'll find him Gramps, even if I have to wait a hundred years. I'll find him. The Doctor is in the TARDIS looking at the golden Adipose Industries capsule through a magnifying glass. DOCTOR: Ohh, fascinating. Seems to be a bio-flip digital stitch, specifically for... He looks up. No one is there in the TARDIS. He stands up, looking lonely. Donna walks out to a blue car outside her house. Sylvia comes out in a dressing gown and hair curlers. SYLVIA: It's my turn for the car. What you need it for? Donna gets in to the car and turns it on. DONNA: A quick getaway. The Doctor is running around the TARDIS pulling and pushing buttons. Donna parks the car, gets out and locks it and walks away. The TARDIS materializes a few meters behind. Donna goes in a revolving door. The Doctor sonics the fire exit door and goes inside. Donna walks through the call center, and waves at Craig. DONNA: Morning. The Doctor walks along a deserted corridor. He opens a storage closet and sonics the door shut. Donna walks into a washroom. She goes into a stall, sits down and looks at her watch. Miss Foster walks along through the office cubicles, flanked by her two bodyguards. MISS FOSTER: Keep an eye out. She'll come back and then she's mine. Camera looks at clock which says 9:30. Clock changes to 6:10. Everyone is packing up to go home. CLARE: See you tomorrow! The Doctor sonics the door open and walks out. Donna is stretching in her stall. She opens the door and walks out. Her phone rings and she goes back into the stall and answers it. DONNA (whispering): Not now! SYLVIA: I need the car! Where are you? DONNA: I can't. I'm busy. SYLVIA: Why are you whispering? DONNA: I'm in church. SYLVIA: What are you doing in church? DONNA: Praying! SYLVIA: Bit late for that, madam. WILF: What's she in church for? SYLVIA: Hush, you. Go up the hill! (To Donna) : But I need the car. I'm going out with Susette. She's asked all the Wednesday girls, apparently shes been on those Adipose pills. She says she looks marvelous. Miss Foster comes in to the bathroom with her bodyguards. Donna hangs up, scared. MISS FOSTER: We know you're in here, so why don't you make this nice and easy and show yourself? Donna pulls up her legs. MISS FOSTER: I'm waiting. I warn you, I'm not a patient woman. Now, out you come. Right. We'll do it the hard way. Get her! The bodyguards start to kick open the stall doors. But before reaching to Donna, they find Penny. MISS FOSTER: There you are. PENNY: I've been through the records, Foster, and all of your results have been faked. There's something about those pills you're not telling us. MISS FOSTER: Oh, I think I'll be conducting this interview, Penny. They leave, Donna sneaks out and follows them. The Doctor is on the roof. He gets into a window cleaner's cradle and switches it to descend. PENNY: You've got no right to do this. Let me go! They arrive to Miss Foster's office. The Doctor is in the cradle outside the office. He uses a stethoscope to hear the conversation inside. PENNY: This is ridiculous. MISS FOSTER: Sit there. PENNY: I'm phoning my editor. MISS FOSTER: I said sit. Penny is pushed down to the chair and tied to it by a bodyguard. PENNY: You can't tie me up. What sort of a country do you think this is? MISS FOSTER: Oh, it's a beautifully fat country. And believe me, I've travelled a long way to find obesity on this scale. PENNY: So come on then, Miss Foster, those pills. What are they? Donna sneaks to the door of Miss Foster's office. MISS FOSTER: Well, you might just as well have a scoop, since you'll never see it printed. This (she lifts a capsule) is the spark of life. PENNY: And what's that supposed to mean? MISS FOSTER: Officially, the capsule attracts all the fat cells and flushes them away. Well, it certainly attracts them, that part's true. But it binds the fat together and galvanises it to form a body. PENNY: Well, what d'you mean "a body"? MISS FOSTER: I am surprised you never asked about my name. I chose it well. Foster, as in foster mother. And these (she puts an Adipose to the table) are my children. PENNY: You're kidding me. What the hell is that? Donna rises to look in through the door window. The Doctor also rises to look in through the window. MISS FOSTER: Adipose. It's called an Adipose. Made out of living fat. Stripped from ordinary human... The Doctor and Donna look at each other. Both are stunned by surprise. DOCTOR (mouthing through the window): Donna? DONNA (mouthing too): Doctor! !! DOCTOR: But... what? Wha... What?! DONNA: Oh my God! DOCTOR: But... how? DONNA: It's me! DOCTOR: Well, I can see that! DONNA: Oh this is brilliant! DOCTOR: But what are you doing there? DONNA: I was looking for you! DOCTOR: What for?! DONNA (miming): I, came here, trouble, read about it, internet, I thought, trouble = you! And this place is weird! Pills! So I hid. Back there. Crept along. Heard this lot. Looked. You! 'Cos they... [i]She gestures and looks toward Miss Foster. Who is staring at her. Just like Penny and the guards. Donna freezes.[/i] MISS FOSTER (loud): Are we interrupting you? DOCTOR (mouthing) : Run! MISS FOSTER: Get her! The Doctor locks the office door with the sonic screwdriver, then uses it to elevate the cradle back to the roof. MISS FOSTER: And him! Donna runs up the stairs. The Doctor enters the building and heads downstairs. The guards shoot the office door open. Penny screams. They run after Donna, followed by Miss Foster. PENNY: What about me? The Doctor and Donna meet. Big hug. DONNA: Oh my God! I don't believe it! You've even got the same suit! (Aghast). Dont you ever change? DOCTOR: Yeah thanks Donna, not right now. He looks down and sees the guards coming. DOCTOR: Just like old times! They head upstairs and go out to the roof. DONNA (excited babbling): Cos I thought, how do I find the Doctor? And then I just thought, look for trouble and then he'll turn up! So I looked everywhere, you name it: UFOs, sightings, crop circles, sea monsters. I looked, I found them all. Like that stuff about the bees disappearing, I thought, I bet he's connected. Cos the thing is, Doctor, I believe it all now. You opened my eyes. All those amazing things out there, I believe them all. Well, apart from that replica of the Titanic flying over Buckingham Palace on Christmas Day, I mean that's gotta be a hoax! During this, the Doctor is busy working on the cradle controls with the sonic. DOCTOR: What d'you mean, the bees are disappearing? DONNA: I don't know. That's what it says on the internet. The Doctor climbs into the cradle. DONNA: Well on the same site, there was all the conspiracy theories about Adipose Industries, I thought let's take a look! DOCTOR: In you get! DONNA: Well in that thing? DOCTOR: Yes in that thing! DONNA: But if we go down in that, they'll just call us back up again. DOCTOR: No no no, cos I've locked the controls with a sonic cage. I'm the only one who can control it. Not unless she's got a sonic device of her own. Which is very unlikely. Miss Foster approaches the roof door with a sonic pen in hand. MISS FOSTER (to the bodyguards): Out of my way. They go to the edge of the roof. She looks down and sees the Doctor and Donna in the cradle, still descending. MISS FOSTER: Oh, I don't think so. She uses her sonic pen to accelerate the cradle. The Doctor stops it with the screwdriver. He and Donna fall to the floor, then get up. He tries to open the nearest window with the sonic. DOCTOR: Hold on. Hold on, we can get in through the window. MISS FOSTER (talking into her wrist communicator): Deadlock the building. DOCTOR: Can't get it open! DONNA (lifting a huge spanner from the cradle): Well smash it then! They can't break the safety glass. Miss Foster smiles and points her sonic to the cradle cable, it starts to sparkle and smoke. Donna looks up. DONNA: Cutting the cable! The cable breaks. The Doctor manages to hold inside the cradle, but Donna falls out. DOCTOR: Donna! DONNA: Doctor! She is clinging to the broken cable, hanging high in the air. DOCTOR: Hold on! DONNA: I am! The Doctor tries to pull her up by the cable, but he can't. DONNA: Doctor! MISS FOSTER: And now, for the other one. She lifts up the sonic pen again, pointing it to the second cable. The Doctor points his screwdriver to her hand, the pen sparkles and she drops it. MISS FOSTER: Aah. The Doctor catches the second sonic, then climbs up the cable to another window. Now he manages to open it. DONNA: I'm going to fall! Her feet hang just in front of the windows of the office where Penny sits, still tied to the chair. PENNY: What the hell is going on? DONNA: This is all your fault. I should've stayed at home! DOCTOR: I won't be a minute! He climbs into the building. MISS FOSTER (rubbing her sore hand): Yes he's slippery, that one. Time we found out who he is. The Doctor runs downstairs into Miss Foster's office and opens the window. PENNY: Is anyone gonna tell me what's going on? DOCTOR: What, you're a journalist? PENNY: Yes. DOCTOR: Well, make it up! He tries to grab Donna's legs. DONNA: Get off! DOCTOR: I've got you! I've got you. Stop kicking! He manages to pull her inside. DONNA: I was right. It's always like this with you, innit? DOCTOR (huge grin): Oh yes! And off we go! They grin at each other and run out, leaving Penny behind. PENNY: Oi! The Doctor pops back. DOCTOR: Sorry! He uses the sonic to release her and runs off again. Then pops back again. DOCTOR: Now do yourself a favour, get out. He and Donna run across the call center area - meeting Miss Foster and the guards. MISS FOSTER: Well then (she takes off her glasses) at last. DONNA: Hello. DOCTOR: Nice to meet you, I'm the Doctor. DONNA: And I'm Donna. MISS FOSTER: Partners in crime. And evidently off-worlders, judging by your sonic technology. DOCTOR: Oh yes, I've still got your sonic pen. Nice, I like it. Sleek, it's kinda sleek. He shows it to Donna. DONNA: Oh it's definitely sleek. DOCTOR: Yeah, and if you were to sign your real name that would be...? MISS FOSTER: Matron Cofelia of the Five-Straighten Classabindi Nursery Fleet. Intergalactic Class. DOCTOR: A wet nurse, using humans as surrogates. MISS FOSTER: I've been employed by the Adiposian First Family to foster a new generation after their breeding planet was lost. DOCTOR: What do you mean lost? How do you lose a planet? MISS FOSTER: Oh, politics are none of my concern. I'm just here to take care of the children on behalf of the parents. DONNA: What, like an outer space super-nanny? MISS FOSTER: Yes, if you like. DONNA: So... so those little things they're, they're made out of fat yeah, but that woman, Stacy Campbell, there was nothing left of her. MISS FOSTER: Oh, in a crisis the Adipose can convert bone and hair and internal organs. Makes them a little bit sick, poor things. DONNA: What about poor Stacy? DOCTOR: Seeding a level 5 planet is against galactic law. MISS FOSTER: Are you threatening me? DOCTOR: I'm trying to help you, Matron. This is your one chance; cos if you don't call this off, then I'll have to stop you. MISS FOSTER: I hardly think you can stop bullets. The bodyguards aim. DOCTOR: No, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, one more thing, before... dying. Do you know what happens if you hold two identical sonic devices against each other? MISS FOSTER (after a short pause): No. DOCTOR: Nor me, lets find out! The Doctor points the sonic screwdriver and the sonic pen at each other. It creates an awful noise, Miss Foster and her guards squirm in agony and a glass pane shatters. Donna pushes the Doctor so that he stops. DONNA: Come on! They run off. Miss Foster talks into her wrist communicator. MISS FOSTER: I'm advancing the birth plan. We're going into premature labour. Miss Foster and her guards hurry away. Penny is collecting binders from Miss Foster's office. PENNY: Cellular ossification. Miss Foster walks in with the guards. MISS FOSTER: Tie her up. The guards grab Penny. PENNY: Ah, you're kidding me. The Doctor and Donna run along a deserted corridor. They arrive at the storage cupboard and the Doctor starts throwing the supplies out. DONNA: Well, that's one solution. Hide in a cupboard. I like it. The Doctor opens the back of the cupboard to reveal a big green machine built into the wall. DOCTOR: Hacking in to this thing, cos the matron's got a computer core running through the center of the building. Triple deadlocked. And now I've got this (holds up the sonic pen) I can get into it. Miss Foster opens a wall panel to reveal another green machine. PENNY: What does that thing do? MISS FOSTER: It's the inducer. We had planned to seed millions, but if that man's an alien then he's alerted the Shadow Proclamation, so the first one million humans will have to do. (To the guards): Find him, and the woman. Don't waste time, just kill them. The guards run off. DOCTOR: She's wired up the whole building. We need a bit of privacy. He holds two sparking plugs together and lightning comes out of the walls and stuns the guards. DOCTOR: Just enough to stop them. Why's she wired up the tower block? What's it all for? He starts fiddling with cables. COMPUTER VOICE: Inducer online. DONNA: You look older. DOCTOR: Thanks. DONNA: Still on your own? DOCTOR: Yup. Well no, I had this friend, Martha she was called. Martha Jones. She was brilliant... and I destroyed half her life. But she's fine. She's good. She's gone. DONNA: What about Rose? DOCTOR: Still lost. (Pause). I thought you were going to travel the world? DONNA: Easier said then done. It's like I had that one day with you and I was gonna change. I was gonna do so much. Then I woke up next morning, same old life. It's like you were never there. And I tried. I did try, I went to Egypt. I was gonna go barefoot and everything. And then it's all bus trips and guidebooks and don't drink the water and two weeks later you're back home. It's nothing like being with you. I must have been mad turning down that offer. DOCTOR: What offer? DONNA: To come with you. DOCTOR: You'd come with me? DONNA: Oh yes, please! DOCTOR: Right. COMPUTER VOICE: Inducer activated. DONNA: What's it doing now? DOCTOR: She's started the program. Miss Foster pulls a lever. COMPUTER VOICE: Inducer transmitting. MISS FOSTER: Mark the date, Miss Carter. Happy birthday. One million birthdays. Sylvia and her friends are at a restaurant having dinner. SUZETTE: I swear that Adipose treatment is fabulous. Just look at my chin. And it's very good for back fat. I'm down two sizes! SYLVIA: It's like a miracle. All that from just one little pill! SUZETTE: And I've been eating like normal. Her back starts twitching. SYLVIA: You all right, love? SUZETTE: Yeah, I'm just... funny sort of feeling like a... Other people in the restaurant start feeling strange too. WOMAN: What's happened? MAN: I'm not sure, seems to be... SUZETTE: Better pop to the loo. Suzette's back starts bulging out. SYLVIA: Oh, my God, Suzette! SUZETTE: What? Roger is reading at home. He stands up and starts to feel his side. SUZETTE (panicking): What is it? Get it off me! Sylvia runs and pulls down the back of her shirt to reveal an Adipose. Fat people all over the restaurant start getting bumps too. An Adipose bursts out of Rogers belly, waves and jumps out the cat flap. Suzette's Adipose runs along the restaurant floor, dodging people's feet. Out on the street Adipose are everywhere. Marching along in a scattered mob. They all seem to be heading in the same direction. MISS FOSTER: Come to me children. Come to me. FEMALE VOICE: All right, everyone get back, don't touch them, and stay away. The street is swarming with Adipose. Police are trying to help but with no avail. DOCTOR: So far they're just losing weight, but the Matron has gone up to emergency pathogenesis. DONNA: That's when they convert... DOCTOR: Skeletons, organs, everything. A million people are gonna die! Suzette is on the ground, moving about. DOCTOR: Gotta cancel the signal! He pulls out the golden capsule and takes off one end to reveal a chip. DOCTOR: This contains the primary signal. If I can switch it off the fat goes back to being just fat. He hooks the capsule up to the machine. MISS FOSTER: A nice try. Double strength. She pushes the lever completely down. COMPUTER VOICE: Inducer increasing. DOCTOR (tense): No no no no no, she's doubled it, I need... Haven't got time! It's too far, I can't override it! They're all gonna die! Fat people still wriggling in pain. DONNA: Is there anything I can do? DOCTOR (near panic): Sorry, Donna, this is way beyond you! Gotta double the base pulse, I can't... DONNA (sternly): Doctor, tell me what do you need. DOCTOR: I need a second capsule to boost the override, but I've only got the one. I can't save them! He fiddles with the switches. Donna holds up her gold capsule. The Doctor looks at her in shock. They both burst out laughing. He takes it and plugs it in and the green lights go off. SUZETTE: It's stopped! They've gone. Miss Foster flicks the switches. Her lights are off too. Nothing works. PENNY: What's happened? MISS FOSTER: I think the Doctor happened. But we've still given birth to ten thousand Adipose. And the nursery is coming. A loud horn sounds. DONNA: What the hell was that? MISS FOSTER: It's my lift home! Miss Foster leaves. PENNY: You can't just leave me here! SUZETTE: It just stopped. They all hear the big horn. SYLVIA: What on earth this is now? Oh my god! Everyone looks up as a big circular spaceship flies over London. People are screaming. But Wilf is listening to music while looking through his telescope, oblivious of the spaceship flying past behind him. It flies over the Adipose Industries building and thousands of Adipose cheer. DONNA: Fine. When you say nursery you don't mean a creche in Notting Hill. DOCTOR: Nursery ship. The computer unit lights up. COMPUTER VOICE: Incoming signal. It starts to talk in an alien language. DONNA: Hadn't we better go and stop them? DOCTOR: Hang on, instructions from the Adiposian First Family. Miss Foster is on the street, talking to the Adipose babies with Eva Peron-style gestures. MISS FOSTER: Children! Oh my children, behold. I am taking you home. The Adipose cheer. MISS FOSTER: Far across the galaxy, your new mummies and daddies are waiting. And you will fly! Blue levitation beams reach out from the nursery ship. MISS FOSTER: Up you go, babies. Up you go! The Adipose babies step into the beams and start elevating. MISS FOSTER: That's it, fly away home! DOCTOR: She's wired up the tower block to convert it into a levitation post. (Listens to the computer instructions). Oh. Ooh. We're not the ones in trouble now. She is! He runs up to the roof, followed by Donna. MISS FOSTER: Take me! The children need me! The Doctor and Donna reach the roof and watch the Adipose babies flying toward the nursery ship. DONNA: What you gonna do then? Blow them up? DOCTOR: They're just children. They can't help where they come from. DONNA: Oh, that makes a change from last time. That Martha must've done you good. DOCTOR: Ah, she did, yeah. Yeah, she did. She fancied me. DONNA (smiling): Mad Martha, that one. Blind Martha. Charity Martha. An Adipose waves at them and they wave back. DONNA: I'm waving at fat. DOCTOR: Actually, as a diet plan, it sort of works. There she is! They run to the edge. Miss Foster is now soaring in the air, the same height as they are. DOCTOR: Matron Cofelia, listen to me! MISS FOSTER: Oh, I don't think so, Doctor. And if I never see you again, it will be too soon. DOCTOR: Oh, why does no one ever listen? I'm trying to help! Just get across to the roof. Can you shift the levitation beam? MISS FOSTER: What, so that you can arrest me? DOCTOR: Just listen. I saw the Adiposian instructions, they know it's a crime, breeding on Earth. So what's the one thing they want to get rid of? Their accomplice! MISS FOSTER: I'm far more than that. I'm nanny to all these children. In the meantime, the baby Adipose have all reached the ship, now it's only Miss Foster who is still in the air. DOCTOR: Exactly! Mum and Dad have got the kids now, they don't need the nanny anymore! Suddenly, the blue light vanishes. Bewildered, Miss Foster looks down, and she falls with a scream. Donna hides her face to the Doctor's shoulder. Then they look up again and see the Adipose waving goodbye through the windows of the leaving ship. Down on the street there's sirens, an ambulance, police tapes. The Doctor, lost in thoughts, throws the sonic pen into a bin. PENNY: Oi, you two! They turn to look at Penny. She crept out of the building, still tied to the chair. PENNY: You're just mad. Do you hear me? Mad! And I'm gonna report you... for madness! She creeps away. DONNA: You see, some people just can't take it. DOCTOR: No. DONNA: But some people can. So, then, TARDIS! Come on! She grabs his hand and pulls him away. They walk to the alley where the TARDIS and Donna's car are left. DONNA: That's my car! That is like destiny! And I've been ready for this. She opens the boot: it's full of suitcases. DONNA: I packed ages ago, just in case. Cos I thought, hot weather, cold weather, no weather... She starts to load her luggage to the arms of the stunned Doctor. DONNA: ... he goes anywhere, I've gotta be prepared. She throws a striped hatbox on top of the rest. DOCTOR: You've got a... a... hatbox?! DONNA: Planet of the Hats, I'm ready! The Doctor stands in front of the TARDIS surrounded by suitcases, quite serious. Donna is babbling in the door, beaming, oblivious of his mood. DONNA: Do I need injections though, do I? Like when you go to Cambodia, is there any of that? Cos my friend Veena went to Bahrain, and... She suddenly notices that he doesn't look happy. DONNA: You're not saying much. DOCTOR: No, it's just... It's a funny old life, in the TARDIS. DONNA (quiet, and very sad): You don't want me. DOCTOR: I'm not saying that. DONNA: But you asked me. The Doctor just stares at her, so sad. DONNA: Would you rather be on your own? DOCTOR: No. Actually, no. But... He throws the bags to the ground. DOCTOR: The last time, with Martha, like I said it... it got complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate. DONNA (shocked disgust): You just want to mate??? DOCTOR: I just want a mate! DONNA: You're not mating with me, sunshine! DOCTOR: A mate, I want a mate! DONNA: Well just as well, because I'm not having any of that nonsense. I mean you're just a long streak of... nothing. You know, alien nothing. DOCTOR: There we are, then. OK. DONNA: I can come? DOCTOR: Yeah. Course you can, yeah. They smile at each other. DOCTOR: I'd love it. DONNA: Ohh, that's just... She runs to hug him, but then stops, remembering the previous conversation. But she is so happy! DONNA: Car keys! DOCTOR: What? DONNA: I've still got my mum's car keys! I won't be a minute! She runs away. The Doctor looks after her, then starts to carry her luggage to the TARDIS. Donna is back to the crowded street with police cars and co, talking on the phone. DONNA: I know, Mum, I saw it, little fat people. Listen, I've got to go. I'm going to stay with Veena for a bit. SYLVIA [/b](voice-over): ... it was in the sky! DONNA: Yeah. I know. Spaceship. But, I've still got the car keys. Look. There is a bin on Brook Street, about thirty feet from the corner, I'm going to leave them in there. She throws the keys into the bin. SYLVIA [/b](voice-over): What? A bin? DONNA: Yes, that's it, a bin. SYLVIA [/b](voice-over): You can't do that. DONNA: Oh, stop complaining, the car's just down the road a bit. Got to go, really got to go. Bye. SYLVIA [/b](voice-over): But Donna, you can't... She hangs up. Several people are standing by a fence, she starts talking to one of them, a blond woman. DONNA: Listen, there is this woman that's going to come along, a tall blond woman called Sylvia, tell her that bin there. Right, it'll all make sense. That bin there. She heads back to the TARDIS, happiest woman in the world. The blonde she was talking to turns back towards the camera, she is Rose Tyler. Looking worn, depressed. She walks away several steps and then simply vanishes into thin air... Donna enters to the TARDIS. DONNA: Off we go, then! DOCTOR: Here it is, the TARDIS. It's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside... DONNA: Oh, I know that bit. Although frankly, you could turn the heat up. DOCTOR: So, whole wide universe, where do you want to go? DONNA: Oh, I know exactly the place. DOCTOR: Which is? DONNA: Two and a half miles, that way. Wilf is on the hill again. Suddenly he freezes, as he sees the TARDIS flying above his head. WILF: There! Donna! It's... it's the flying blue box! He looks into the telescope and sees his granddaughter waving from the open TARDIS door! WILF: Huh, what?! That's Donna! Yeah, that's Donna. Standing behind Donna, the Doctor is waving too. WILF: And that's him! That's him! Hey! That's him! Ha-ha-ha! Go on girl! Go on, get up there! Hey! He does a merry little dance as he watches the TARDIS zooming away.	Plan: A: Donna Noble; Q: Who regrets declining the Doctor's invitation to travel in the TARDIS? A: conspiracy theories; Q: What does Donna Noble investigate in the hope of finding the Doctor? A: The Doctor; Q: Who creates a diversion and escapes? A: Adipose Industries; Q: What company is marketing a special diet pill? A: body fat; Q: What do the diet pills use to create small white aliens? A: an office; Q: Where do the Doctor and Donna meet in Adipose Industries? A: Miss Foster; Q: Who is the alien who is using Britain's population to create Adipose babies? A: her plans; Q: What does Miss Foster accelerate when Donna and the Doctor escape? A: the Adipose; Q: What are the small white aliens created by the diet pill called? A: several thousand; Q: How many Adipose are created in London? A: the plan; Q: What does the Doctor and Donna prevent from killing those who took the diet pill? A: the remainder; Q: What percentage of the Adipose babies make their way to Adipose Industries? A: the young Adipose; Q: Who does the Doctor refrain from killing because they are children? A: Adiposian; Q: What is the name of the First Family that arrives in a spaceship to collect their young? A: Martha Jones; Q: Who did Donna Noble say made the Doctor more human? Summary: Donna Noble finds herself regretting declining the Doctor's invitation to travel in the TARDIS, and investigates conspiracy theories in the hope that she will find him again. The Doctor and Donna, neither aware of the other's involvement, both investigate Adipose Industries, which is marketing a special diet pill . The pills use body fat to parthenogenetically create small white aliens called Adipose. The Doctor and Donna separately infiltrate Adipose Industries. As they explore the building, they encounter each other through opposite windows in an office. They are confronted by Miss Foster, an alien who is using Britain's population to create Adipose babies. The Doctor creates a diversion and escapes, so Miss Foster accelerates her plans. Throughout London, the Adipose begin to spawn and soon number several thousand. The Doctor and Donna prevent the plan from killing those who had taken the pill, and the remainder of the young Adipose make their way to Adipose Industries. The Adiposian First Family arrive in a spaceship and collect their young. The Doctor refrains from killing the young Adipose because they are children, to which Donna remarks that Martha Jones made him more human. Donna accepts the Doctor's offer to travel in the TARDIS.
INT. FURNACE ROOM - DAY LARSON: (V.O.) Check that I-bolt. Let's hook that come-a-long. All right, get ready ladies. Put your backs into it. Come on, I could do this when I was your age by myself, huh!? VOICE: Sure you could. LARSON: See these pythons? I could lift a four hundred pound load back in the day, huh? RICK SAMSON: I even remember her name, Lisa Scarpizzi. LARSON: But she was a hell of a woman, now, huh? All right! Let's get this thing out of here! I've got a furnace waiting to go in. Push it out, guys! Come on, here we go. Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! (INTO RADIO) Hey Mannie? MANNIE: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah. LARSON: Looks like a partial obstruction in the smoke stack. MANNIE: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah, I can see it from up here, Boss. Probably carbon build up. LARSON: All right, clean it out. MANNIE: Do it right now. (SFX: LARSON WHISTLES) LARSON: Anybody who doesn't want to make an ash of himself, step back! (SFX: MOTOR B.G.) (VOICES: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!") LARSON: (INTO RADIO) Hold it up, Mannie! We've got more than just carbon coming down here. MANNIE: (V.O./FILTERED) Copy that. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Finished McGee's book yet? ZIVA: Half way. You? TONY: I'm on... chapter seven, page one oh three. (READS) "Maybe someday Lisa would find the courage to tell Agent Tommy about her dream - the two of them together, their bodies covered in sweat as they made love on the crystal white sands of her homeland. ZIVA: I'm going to kill him. GIBBS: Kill who? ZIVA: McGee. Have you read this book? TONY: Apparently McGee thinks Ziva's in love with me. GIBBS: There's a reason they call it fiction, Dinozzo. MCGEE: Boss, just got a call from dispatch. Construction crew found a dead body. GIBBS: Where? MCGEE: Chesty Puller High School in Quantico. GIBBS: Student? MCGEE: Uh... not sure. GIBBS: Take the truck. I'll meet you there. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) MCGEE: How many times do I have to tell you? It's not about you guys.(MUSIC OUT) ZIVA: I'm driving. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. VAN - DAY TONY: Comfortable back there, Gore Vidal? MCGEE: For the last time, Deep Six is fiction! ZIVA: Fiction based on us, yes? MCGEE: No! Look, if you don't believe me, read the disclaimer in the front of the book. TONY: Are you buying that... Lisa? (ZIVA CHUCKLES) TONY: Didn't think so. Nice knowing you, Probie. MCGEE: Ziva? (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) (SFX: MCGEE FALLS BACKWARDS IN THE VAN) MCGEE: (SHOUTS V.O.) Ziva! It's just a book! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BASEMENT - DAY (SFX: FLASH) TONY: You know, in chapter eight of McGee's book, your character does the exact same thing to Agent Tommy. It turns out she has this whole secret photo album of him. ZIVA: Fascinating, Tony, but I wasn't taking a picture of you. I'm more interested in the wild life. TONY: Euugh! LARSON: We've pulled rats, cats, and birds out of chimneys before, Agent Gibbs. Hell, one time even a Saint Bernard. But this is my first mummy. Reminds me of that urban legend. GIBBS: Which one's that? LARSON: Guy dresses up like Santa, you know, for Christmas Eve to surprise his girlfriend. But he never shows. She's convinced that the bstrd dumped her. Badmouths him all over town. DUCKY: Until they find the poor soul's body months later... still clutching the little box with her shiny new engagement ring. And the moral, of course, is... GIBBS: It's never a good idea to get married. DUCKY: No, it's best not to judge someone until all the facts are in. GIBBS: I like mine better. Any of your crew touch or move Kris Kringle? LARSON: Oh, most of them were half way to Manassas before the dust even settled. TONY: There's no I.D. on him. Judging by what's left of the mullet, I think it's safe to say he wasn't in the military. GIBBS: You think, Dinozzo? (TO DUCKY) Hey, I need a T.O.D., Doctor. DUCKY: Considering we've been working together for over ten years, I am well-aware of that, Agent Gibbs! GIBBS: Dinozzo, when he gets one, run it through missing persons over the same time period. TONY: Where are you going, Boss? GIBBS: To the roof to figure out how he ended up there in the first place. (TO MCGEE) What happened to you? MCGEE: Uh... creative differences with my co-workers, Boss. GIBBS: A lot of that going around these days. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) ZIVA: Don't you think it's about time you and Gibbs made up, Ducky? DUCKY: Made up? I wasn't aware we were fighting, Ziva. TONY: Come on, ever since he retired-- DUCKY: Gibbs didn't retire, he quit! TONY: Okay, so he quit. But he's back now. ZIVA: You need to cut the man some slack, Ducky. TONY: I agree. Except the term is slack. DUCKY: Judging by the decay and the condition of his skin, I tentatively place the time of death at two to four months ago. TONY: Works for me. (SHOUTS) Time of death was two to four months ago, Boss! (TO MCGEE) Bag and tag the ashes, Probie. We'll pick you up after we coordinate with the MPs. JIMMY: (V.O.) Doctor, I'm going to be laying the bag out here and ... the burrito over here. MCGEE: Palmer, I need a favor. JIMMY: You want a ride back with us. MCGEE: How'd you know? JIMMY: I read your book. And for your information, I've never had sexual relations with a corpse. MCGEE: That character was not based on you. JIMMY: His name was Pimmy Jalmer, McGee! MCGEE: Well, he's French Polynesian. JIMMY: Doctor, I'm going to get the gurney now. MCGEE: It was only a dream! Come on, haven't you ever heard of symbolism? DUCKY: The life of an artist is never easy, McGee. They'll all get over it eventually. MCGEE: (SIGHS) Thanks, Ducky. DUCKY: By the way, do you know if Tony has finished it yet? MCGEE: Not yet. DUCKY: Well, him I'd watch out for. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: None of the local missing person reports match our John Doe's description, Tony. And there's no record of anyone going missing on base, civilian or military during that period. Are you even listening to me? TONY: I'm getting close to the end, Ziva. You know, McGee is really starting to nail your essence here. (READS) "Stakeouts. Long endless hours fueled by cheap food and even cheaper coffee. But tonight, Mossad Officer Lisa didn't seem to mind because she was getting to spend it with Agent Tom..." - you're behind me again, aren't you? ZIVA: Lucky guess. You know, I think McGee's right. TONY: He was, was he? ZIVA: It takes almost all of my willpower to resist the urges I have when I'm around you, Tony. Maybe it's about time to just give in, yes? TONY: And by "give in," you mean... ZIVA: Letting loose. TONY: Ah. ZIVA: Doing what comes naturally to me. TONY: Yeah, I thought I was picking up that vibe the first time we went undercover together. ZIVA: You were? TONY: Uh-huh. ZIVA: In fact, I almost did it the first night in the hotel room. TONY: Hmm. Really. ZIVA: But my father wouldn't approve. TONY: Because I'm not Jewish? ZIVA: Because he gets very angry when I kill my co-worker. TONY: (LAUGHS) Like I believed you for even a second! ZIVA: (LAUGHS) I'm sure you didn't. GIBBS: Are you two done playing grab-ass? ZIVA: Oh, he started it. GIBBS: I'm ending it. TONY: Oh, I-- GIBBS: The next person who mentions this book will be deep-sixed by me. TONY: I can completely live with that, Boss. GIBBS: My point exactly, Dinozzo. You ID our victim yet? ZIVA: We're running him against missing person cases reported over the last six months, Gibbs. TONY: No hits yet. DUCKY: I'm afraid that's my fault. It seems my initial time of death wasn't completely accurate. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: As you will see, his body is almost perfectly preserved. Perfectly reserved for a rotted corpse, that is. TONY: The guy looks like a piece of beef jerky, Duck. DUCKY: Gum tissue rots faster than the outer flesh due to the high degree of bacteria inside the mouth. As you can see, his gums are almost intact. TONY: Maybe he was just a good flosser? Shutting it, Boss. GIBBS: How'd he die? DUCKY: Well, the how I'm still working on. It's made particularly difficult by the means by which his body was preserved. He was quite literally smoked inside that chimney. ZIVA: Smoked? DUCKY: Yeah, like a fine cut of meat. TONY: So he really is a beef jerky. DUCKY: In a manner of speaking, yes, Tony. It's also the reason why my time of death was so far off. ZIVA: More than two to four months, Ducky? DUCKY: (CHUCKLES) It would seem so. GIBBS: How many? DUCKY: I would say we're looking at closer to five or six. GIBBS: Ah, don't be so rough on yourself, Doctor. We're already running the past six months. DUCKY: Not months! Years! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB MCGEE: (V.O.) Abby, they hate me. ABBY: They don't hate you, McGee. MCGEE: Ziva tried to kill me yesterday. ABBY: Well, you did base all the characters in your book on us and didn't ask our permission. MCGEE: Deep Six is a work of pure fiction. ABBY: You described everything in my bedroom. MCGEE: Not everything. You still have those. ABBY: Fantasize later, Hemingway! I got a match on two of old Smokey's fingerprints. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) ABBY: Whoa! MCGEE: What's wrong? ABBY: The match file is restricted. I can't access it. MCGEE: That's not possible. NCIS has top-level clearance. ABBY: Duh, McGee. I work here, too. MCGEE: Can you tell who's blocking it? ABBY: I could. If they weren't in the process of deleting the file from the server. MCGEE: What the hell is this? GIBBS: I was wondering that myself. ABBY: We've got two matching fingerprints from the victim, and AFIS just kicked us out. And now they're deleting the file! GIBBS: How? MCGEE: Working on it, Boss. ABBY: It looks like some agency doesn't want us to know who the mummy is, Gibbs. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. MTAC - DAY SHEPARD: (V.O.) Inbound G-Five from Ibiza, Spain. Tango-Eight, I want every (ON CAMERA) bag coming off that plane tagged with a GPS marker. Eagle-Six, remain in over-watch. Tango-Eight is on his own, unless I clear you for back up. EAGLE SIX: (V.O./FILTERED) Solid copy. Eagle Six, remaining in over-watch position. (INTERCUT SCENE OF PLANE LANDING) SHEPARD: Bring up Tango-Eight's feed on the big screen. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - DAY (DOOR OPENS) TONY: Hey, there! How you all doing? Toss them down, bro'! Oooh! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Louis Vitton. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - DAY TONY: Y'all aren't too friendly, are you? (TONY JOGS TO THE LIMOSINE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY EAGLE SIX: (V.O./FILTERED) This is Eagle Six. Cabin crew are exiting. SHEPARD: Tango-Eight, La Grenouille's people are about to deplane. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: KORT CLEARS HIS THROAT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY KORT: (ON MONITOR) Miss Burrow is for me, dear boy. There's more luggage. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - DAY TONY: Yes, Sir. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY RUNS TO THE PLANE) KORT: Good flight? WOMAN: Very nice, Kort. Very nice. KORT: Bellison, where's he been keeping you? BELLISON: The African market. Cape Town, mostly. Not bad. KORT: Good. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY SHEPARD: I need to see the passengers. (INTERCUT SCENE OF PASSENGERS) SHEPARD: Isolate and freeze frame.(MUSIC OVER ACTION) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - DAY KORT: How long have you been here? TONY: Well, long enough to put your luggage in the trunk. KORT: How long have you been working the line? I haven't seen you before? TONY: Oh, about five months, I'd say, you know. Part time, weekends, nights... that sort of thing. KORT: Can you keep your eyes off her next time? TONY: Probably not. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY KORT: (ON MONITOR) An honest man. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - DAY TONY: Thank you, Sir! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. MTAC - DAY SHEPARD: Eagle-Six, confirm four GPS markers. EAGLE SIX: (V.O./FILTERED) Eagle-Six, four GPS markers confirmed. Signals are long and strong. SHEPARD: Bravo zulu, Tango Eight. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TARMAC - DAY TONY: Two hours. Gibbs is going to murder me. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY GIBBS: How long's Tony been doing errands for the Director? ZIVA: Pretty much since you retired. She trusts him. GIBBS: To do what? ZIVA: You'd have to ask Tony that. ABBY: Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! I did it! MCGEE: What? You mean we! ABBY: There's no "we" in McGee! I traced the connection back to the system that deleted the fingerprint patch. MCGEE: It's a government server in Arlington, Virginia. ABBY: Routed into AFIS, directly at the source. MCGEE: Our mystery hacker is... GIBBS: The F.B.I. ABBY: Uh... yeah. Sounds a little anti-climactic when you say it. MCGEE: How did you know that? GIBBS: I'm looking at them. FORNELL: You've got something that belongs to me, Gibbs. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Petri dish, Mister Palmer. There's something weird in this young man's stomach. JIMMY: Is that... is that what I think it is? DUCKY: A distal inter-phalangeal joint. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: A human toe. FORNELL: He was a cannibal, Ducky. SACKS: And a serial killer. FORNELL: I've been hunting this bstrd for twelve years, Gibbs. GIBBS: What's his name? (BEAT) You don't know. SACKS: We know the prints you ran through AFIS matched two of the prints from his crime scenes. FORNELL: Fourteen kills. All women. Drugged, strangled and left to rot in your rural interstate highways. SACKS: Every one of them missing the toes on their left foot. They were gnawed off. FORNELL: How'd he die? DUCKY: We were still working on that. FORNELL: I can tell you when. Sixty-six months ago. DUCKY: Five and a half years is a pretty accurate guess. FORNELL: It wasn't a guess. It was the last time he killed. (GIBBS AND FORNELL WALK TO THE DOOR) FORNELL: You want to know why I restricted access to his prints? GIBBS: For starters. FORNELL: We didn't want local LEOs trying to bring him down on their own. GIBBS: That sounds like the F.B.I. FORNELL: This guy was a ghost, Jethro. Fourteen murders. All we ever got from him was two partials, and a single strand of hair. We never even got close. GIBBS: I am more interested in what he was doing on my Marine base, Tobias. FORNELL: As soon as I find out, you'll be the first to know. We got a deal? I'll have my M.E. swing by and pick up the body. GIBBS: After I find out who he is and how he died. FORNELL: I spent twelve years working on this case. GIBBS: Well, then waiting a few extra days shouldn't be a problem. FORNELL: Is there anything else I can do for you, while you're grinding the knife in? GIBBS: I'm going to need a sample of hair, and copies of your file. A few bottles of bourbon would be a nice gesture. FORNELL: What do I get besides a headache? GIBBS: Tobias, I am going to show you what your serial killer looks like. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB ABBY: I've been rehydrating Smokey-the-Bear's head since yesterday. It makes it easier for identification. MCGEE: And I've uploaded every local missing person's sketch and photo into the comparison field since the killing stopped. ABBY: As soon as their rendering algorithm is complete, we should have a fairly accurate likeness of what Slim Jim looked like when he was still alive. MCGEE: As long as the quadrant system and scales are within the program's prescribed.... GIBBS: McGee, less talk. More the computer chip doo-da. MCGEE: Making with the Doo-da, Boss. FORNELL: Doo-da? GIBBS: Yeah, it's a technical term, Tobias. You wouldn't understand. ABBY: He's pretty cute for a serial-killing cannibal. MCGEE: Oh, I've got an eighty-six percent match on a Charles Bright, reported missing from Dale City, five years, seven months ago. FORNELL: Our profiler was convinced he'd have at least one body buried near his home. ABBY: Why? GIBBS: Something for him to gloat over, Abs. Relive the rush any time he wanted to. FORNELL: That's good, Gibbs. We need an address. (SFX: ABBY AND MCGEE HUM/ SING: "Doo-da") GIBBS: Is that address still good? MCGEE: Uh, wife still lives there. Karen Bright. She's the one who reported him missing. GIBBS: There you go, Fornell. FORNELL: You're turning the case over? GIBBS: No, I just want you to get my search warrant for me. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) (SFX: SACKS GIGGLES) SACKS: (INTO PHONE) I do miss you. I do. Stop! Oh... oh... oh... TONY: What's wrong with this picture? ZIVA: Besides being late over two hours? TONY: Why is the spawn of the F.B.I. sitting at my desk? LEE: Warrant just came in via the F.B.I. I made sure NCIS was a co-server. TONY: Warrant for what, Lee? LEE: The serial killer's home. It covers the grounds and residence. TONY: Serial killer? I only missed like two hours. GIBBS: You snooze, you lose, Dinozzo. (V.O.) Grab your gear! TONY: I already have my gear! ZIVA: I'll fill you in on the way. Let's go. GIBBS: (V.O.) Today, Dinozzo! LEE: Geez! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - DAY FORNELL: What do we tell her? GIBBS: The truth. We found her husband. FORNELL: And the whole serial killing/cannibalism thing? (KNOCK ON DOOR) GIBBS: Not until we have to. (DOOR OPENS) FORNELL: Hi. Is your mom home? KAREN: (V.O.) Who is it, Amy? AMY: It's the police, Mom. FORNELL: Mrs. Bright, I'm.... GIBBS: (LONG BEAT) He's F.B.I. Agent Fornell. I'm NCIS Special Agent Gibbs. KAREN: You... you found him, didn't you? You found my husband Charlie? GIBBS: His body was discovered yesterday in Quantico. KAREN: It was an accident, wasn't it? He was a building inspector. GIBBS: The cause of death is still undetermined. KAREN: He would have never abandoned us. Everyone else thought it, but I always knew it couldn't be true. (TO KIDS) They found Daddy. They finally found him. (SFX: KAREN CRIES B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BACK YARD - DAY FORNELL: Sorry about that, Jethro. She could have been a twin to some of his victims. GIBBS: The loving husband murdering and eating women who look like his wife. It'll probably be McGee's next best seller. FORNELL: It amazes me how the truly sick ones are always the best liked, the pillars of the community. GIBBS: They're successful because they blend in, Tobias. They go to church, they coach Little League baseball. FORNELL: I was on the team that nailed Bundy, Gibbs. And I'm familiar with sick, charming bastards. GIBBS: That's probably why we get along so well. TONY: (V.O.) Oh, I found something, Boss! Found some bone fragments. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Our serial killer spent the last five years getting smoked and tenderized in the Puller High School chimney, only to fall out during the installation of the new furnace. GIBBS: I want to know how he ended up that way, Dinozzo! MCGEE: Boss, he was a building inspector for the D.O.D. When he disappeared in April two thousand one, he was checking structures at Quantico and Little Creek. Puller High School was on his list. ZIVA: It could have been an accident. He could have fallen to his death while inspecting the school. GIBBS: How? Think about it. He couldn't just walk onto a military base. If he drove, they would have found his car. MCGEE: Two thousand Honda Accord disappeared with him. ZIVA: Fourteen victims spread out from nineteen ninety-three until his death. GIBBS: All of them looking pretty much like his wife. TONY: Number fifteen found in his own back yard by yours truly, with the F.B.I. digging for more. Why exactly are we letting the F.B.I. dig for more? GIBBS: They're doing our manual labor. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BACKYARD - DAY TONY: Well, this is the last one, Ducky, unless they find more. DUCKY: Well, this one's also female, judging by the width of the pelvic bones. With the almost complete lack of tissue, I think I'll refrain before I offer a tentative time of death. ZIVA: Especially after the last time. DUCKY: Yes, I do deeply apologize for that. ZIVA: No problems, Ducky. We all make mistakes, yes? DUCKY: Did I ever tell you about the time I shoved a French police officer off a cliff? TONY: There was a lake below. DUCKY: DUCKY: Yes. The man was all right. But they still issued a warrant for my arrest. Gibbs and I managed to keep two steps ahead of them. (CONT.) Eventually we escaped across the English Channel in a sailboat. JIMMY: You and Agent Gibbs were fugitives? DUCKY: Yes, for a short while. Until a young upcoming NCIS agent had the charges dropped. TONY: Jenny. (LONG BEAT) I mean, Director Shepard. DUCKY: She was the one who commandeered the boat. MCGEE: Director Shepard stole a boat? DUCKY: She wasn't the Director of NCIS at the time, McGee! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY KAREN: (V.O.) Everything's going to be okay. This is all a big mistake. GIBBS: Mrs. Bright, I need to know how your husband ended up in Quantico. KAREN: He worked at all the bases. Don't you people understand you have him confused with someone else? Some kind of monster! Sweetheart, go get your brother, okay? We're going to go to Grandma's house. Go! AMY: (V.O.) Can't they just leave?!(AMY WALKS O.S.) KAREN: My husband was one of the most loving men on the planet, Agent Gibbs. He treated everyone with kindness and decency. Ask anyone who knew him, Agent Gibbs. Anyone! GIBBS: They're removing four bodies from your backyard. KAREN: Do you know how many old, unmarked graveyards are in Virginia? GIBBS: When was the last time you saw him? KAREN: He was driving to Little Creek. He was... supposed to call when he got to his hotel. GIBBS: That's a long way from Quantico where he ended up. KAREN: I knew. I knew something was wrong when he didn't call. You ever have one of those feelings? When you know something terrible has just happened? GIBBS: Once. KAREN: And did it? (LONG BEAT) He didn't do these things, Agent Gibbs. And I'm sorry, but there's nothing you people can do or say to ever make me believe this! (SFX: KAREN CRIES B.G.) (GIBBS WALKS TO FORNELL) FORNELL: Stashing four bodies in the yard - that's more than just gloating, Gibbs. GIBBS: Well, they could be his first kills. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT JIMMY: I think we're running out of room. DUCKY: Yes, it won't be lonely in the Mallard Inn tonight. JIMMY: How could someone do the things this man did, Doctor? DUCKY: Oh, in some cases, there's a physiological defect in the hard-wiring of their brains. Yeah, a mechanism that precludes the ability to feel genuine emotion. JIMMY: Did you find anything weird in this guy's brain, like a tumor or a physical abnormality? DUCKY: I did not. JIMMY: Then how do you explain him? DUCKY: I can't. There is also evil in this world, and even armed with all our science and degrees, it remains impenetrable. Perhaps because its depths are unfathomable. There's a very good book that - oh, I seem to have left my bag in the van. Be a good lad and fetch it for me before you leave for the night? JIMMY: You got it, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY GARAGE - NIGHT (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) (SFX: LEE GIGGLES) (DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT DUCKY: I thought you might be needing a refill. GIBBS: Thanks. DUCKY: Oh, today certainly brought back a lot of memories. GIBBS: Yeah. DUCKY: It also made me realize that since your return, I've been acting a little like a ... GIBBS: An ass? DUCKY: Well, something like that. GIBBS: I didn't notice. DUCKY: Yeah, you and I have been through a lot over the years. Look, I hate to use marriage as an analogy... GIBBS: Then don't. Just tell me what I did to piss you off. DUCKY: The night you retired, you asked me to drive you home. You didn't say a single word the entire trip. No explanation. Not even a goodbye. GIBBS: I was kind of still recovering from the coma, Doctor. DUCKY: And Kelly? And Shannon? All those years of friendship together, and somehow you failed to mention that you have a family. GIBBS: Had. Had a family. You know how I feel about apologies, right? DUCKY: They're a sign of weakness. GIBBS: Not between friends. I am sorry, Ducky. I should have told you. DUCKY: Well, I should have told you something months ago. Welcome home. GIBBS: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT (SFX: MUSIC B.G.) (SFX: KNOCKING ON DOOR CONTINUES) TONY: I hope you had a better day than I did, Ms. Jeanne Benoit. I've been thinking a lot about you lately. And I'm really, really trying to figure out a way to not screw this up. (TONY WALKS DOWN THE HALLWAY) (DOOR OPENS) JEANNE: Tony! TONY: Hey. I thought you were sleeping. JEANNE: I was. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT JEANNE: So... how was your day? TONY: Well, did you ever see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre? JEANNE: Original or remake? TONY: Either. JEANNE: Neither. TONY: It was a lot like that. But worse. How about you? JEANNE: Kind of like a cross between Trains, Planes, and Automobiles and The Muppets Take Manhattan. TONY: That is a heady, heady brew of strange cinematic references, and I don't know what to make of it. JEANNE: I interned at the children's ward today. TONY: Ah. JEANNE: I felt kind of like that, too. TONY: Beautiful and clever. JEANNE: So why aren't you kissing me? TONY: And she's a mind reader. JEANNE: I'm not exactly stop -- (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ PASSIONATE KISSING) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: TONY WHISTLES) ZIVA: Are you on medication? TONY: Just had a good night last night. ZIVA: Doing what? TONY: The usual. ZIVA: The usual what? TONY: Night. ZIVA: (LAUGHS) You had s*x, didn't you? TONY: What? ZIVA: It's okay to admit it. I mean, we're all adults here. FORNELL: That's a subject I'd be willing to debate, Officer David. Where's Gibbs? TONY: Well, he must have known you were coming, because he's not here. FORNELL: It was really more of a courtesy call, Dinozzo. Letting him know about these orders from Justice. The ones where the F.B.I. is taking over your case. Are you sure he's not around? SHEPARD: (V.O.) These are pretty clear cut-- [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY SHEPARD: (V.O.) .... orders, Agent Fornell. (ON CAMERA) (READS) NCIS is hereby ordered to turn over full jurisdiction of the Bright case to the F.B.I. by end of business today. Who'd you have to sleep with to get these? FORNELL: Director, please! A serial killer falls down the chimney on a Marine base. Is that a logical way to decide jurisdiction? SHEPARD: It's been working for us since around eighteen eighty-two. FORNELL: Sadly, Justice didn't see it that way. The F.B.I. has invested twelve years in this investigation. SHEPARD: And my people made more progress in just three days. Now, I can see how that would be embarrassing. FORNELL: I'll get over it. No hard feelings, Jethro? GIBBS: Nope. Just need you to look at something before you leave. FORNELL: You've got that moustache in a box, don't you? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: It took more time than I care to admit. But I finally managed to solve the riddle of how our friend died. GIBBS: You may need this. DUCKY: Look closely... in the area of his abdomen. Do you see anything resembling wounds? FORNELL: No. DUCKY: Well, neither did I until I took a second look at the CAT scan. You see, smoking desiccates flesh. Which is why it is the preferred method of preserving meat in less technologically advanced society-- FORNELL: (OVERLAP) Whoa, whoa, whoa! How did he die, Doctor? DUCKY: Well, as the moisture was lost, the victim's tissue - which protected the vital organs - shrank. You see these little black dots? FORNELL: Um.... um.... oh, yeah. DUCKY: He was stabbed repeatedly and fatally. FORNELL: With what? A safety pin? DUCKY: As I just explained, the shrinkage of the flesh is deceptive. Most likely it was an ice pick or a Phillips-head screwdriver. GIBBS: Somebody killed your serial killer, Fornell. SHEPARD: On a Marine base. Which means, it is still our jurisdiction. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: I've seen a lot of things since I became a cop, Ziva. But this? Guy tortures and murders nineteen women, and then gets off on eating their toes? Whoever whacked this sick freak did us and the world a favor. ZIVA: And our job is to arrest them. It makes perfect sense to me. MCGEE: Justified or not, it's still a crime, Ziva. In this country you cannot take the law into your own hands. TONY: Unless it's your little sister wanted for murder, right, Probie? MCGEE: You know what I mean. TONY: What if this was your sister? Or her? MCGEE: My point is that we cannot just investigate the crimes that we want to. GIBBS: McGee's right. Does anybody have a problem with that? TONY: No, Boss, it's just... GIBBS: Just what, Dinozzo? TONY: Some days this job really sucks. GIBBS: Yeah? Well, it's about to get worse. Ziva, you and Tony are with Sachs on this one. TONY: Doing what? GIBBS: Coming up with a list of people who wanted Bright dead. ZIVA: Besides everyone in this room? TONY: Except for McLawyer over there. MCGEE: Tony, all I was saying... GIBBS: Go check on Abby. See if she needs any help. (TO FORNELL) Running a little late today, are we, Tobias? FORNELL: You're enjoying this, aren't you? GIBBS: Oh, only slightly more than a lot. Come on. FORNELL: What? GIBBS: Ducky's got something for us. DUCKY: (V.O.) There wasn't any ... MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: .... recoverable tissue from any of the remains. All four bodies were completely stripped to the bone. GIBBS: Yeah, I can see that, Duck. How long were they in the ground? DUCKY: Shallow graves. Exposed to the elements. All four women could have been there for, oh, decades, or for as little as six months. FORNELL: We know it's got to be at least five years. DUCKY: Do we, Tobias? FORNELL: Yes! Unless Bright figured out a way to climb in and out of that smoke stack. DUCKY: For what it's worth, I agree with you. But down here we deal in facts. GIBBS: Meaning you don't know? DUCKY: Well, not yet. GIBBS: You couldn't have told me that on the phone, Duck? DUCKY: Yes, I could have, Jethro. But that's not the reason I asked you down here. I took the liberty of reviewing the profile that the F.B.I. prepared on our serial killer eight years ago. In order to disguise his predatory nature, Bright had to be methodical, precise, cautious almost to a fault. FORNELL: Your point? DUCKY: Well, if the F.B.I.'s finest couldn't get him, it makes me wonder who did? GIBBS: He knew his killer. That's good work, Ducky. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: Well, how else could someone get close enough to him to stab him to death with a screwdriver? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Dinozzo. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah, Boss. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Concentrate on the high school. Someone there had to have a personal connection to Bright. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) On it. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Find him. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ABBY'S LAB ABBY: I'm a forensic scientist, McGee. I don't need anyone checking up on me. What I do need is to date those bones, the ones that we found in Beef Jerky's backyard. MCGEE: Marty? ABBY: Yes! Why didn't I think of that? Marty got his degree in forensic botany at Penn State. The roots grew into the bones. So if Marty can I.D. the plant, he can probably give us a rough estimate as to when they were buried. Way to go, McGee! How did you know what Marty majored in? MCGEE: I didn't. Who is he? ABBY: He's .... just a friend. MCGEE: (READS) "Being with you makes me believe size truly doesn't matter, Abby." ABBY: Okay, he's a really good friend. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: TONY TYPES SLOWLY) SACKS: Where the hell did you learn how to type? TONY: Do you mind? Your breath's taking the starch out of my collar. GIBBS/FORNELL: (IN UNISON) What have we got? ZIVA: Um, the teaching staff's still present from five years ago. All claim not to have known Bright. FORNELL: Well, if they murdered the guy and stuffed him down the chimney, that's not surprising. GIBBS: Tony? TONY: Running down a list of substitutes who used to teach back then. GIBBS: His wife's a teacher. Third grade. See if she ever worked at Puller. TONY: We check for Brights already, Boss. There are none. GIBBS: Check her maiden name. ZIVA: Her maiden name is Burris, Tony. TONY: Burris. B.U.R.... okay, got one hit. Karen Burris. Subbed for Social Studies and Western History in two thousand and one. (V.O.) Social security number listed is the same as Bright's wife! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MARTY'S LAB - DAY ABBY: Wow! My mom always told me big things come in small packages. PEARSON: What a coincidence. Mine always warned me about tattooed girls bearing... samples. ABBY: I'm talking about your lab! I love it! PEARSON: Yeah? Pretty sweet, huh? ABBY: Sweet? I'd kill for half this equipment. PEARSON: Really? What would you do for all of it? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM TONY: What's your crazy ninja sense telling you? ZIVA: She's scared. TONY: I mean, about whether she shanked Beef Jerky and dropped him down the wishing well? ZIVA: What would you do if you woke up one day and you discovered you were married to a monster? TONY: Happened to my father all the time. We usually just moved. ZIVA: Ah, that explains it. (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: Karen, you were a substitute at Lieutenant General Lewis Puller High School.(DOOR CLOSES) KAREN: I've.... I've worked at a lot of schools in the area. What does that have to do with this? FORNELL: Considering we found your husband petrified in the chimney there? Quite a bit. GIBBS: Karen, we know this is hard. But we're here to help. And it's important that you tell us the truth. FORNELL: When did you find out? KAREN: Find out? FORNELL: That your loving husband... was murdering women who looked just like you. KAREN: I told you. My husband didn't do those things. GIBBS: He removed the toes from their left feet. We think that you know why. Would you mind taking off your shoe and showing us your left foot? KAREN: Please. GIBBS: Karen. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS REMOVES HER SHOE) FORNELL: Your husband was an evil man. KAREN: That thing was not my husband! It wasn't the man I married. It had to be stopped! Don't you see? I had no other choice. FORNELL: You could have gone to the police. KAREN: (CRYING) And have my children live the rest of their lives knowing that monster was their father? No! I had to! I had to protect them from it. (SFX: KAREN CRIES B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. PEARSON'S LAB - DAY PEARSON: Gaultheria procumbens. Evergreen shrub. More commonly known as wintergreen or checkerberry. I need to see the photo where the sample was recovered from. ABBY: It was taken from between the fibula and the tibia. PEARSON: Go back to the wide shot. Now go to that quadrant. That's a wintergreen. About five meters from the remains. Judging from the thickness of the root, annual growth rate, and the soil samples you brought me, you can calculate roughly how long the body's been buried. Plus or minus six months. You can tell it was a live sample by the tiny little offshoots forming off the main root. Want to see? (BEAT) Abby? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM ZIVA: In her position, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing, Tony. TONY: McGee was right... about taking the law into your own hands. She's lucky she wasn't his last victim. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (KAREN CRIES B.G.) (DOOR CLOSES) FORNELL: Karen, no one should have to live through what you did. Believe me when I tell you that there's no jury in the world that wouldn't sympathize with you. (SFX: PAGER BEEPS) FORNELL: (BEAT) It's not me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM GIBBS: (INTO PHONE/FILTERED) What? TONY: What do you want to bet that's McGeek? Rule twenty-two. Never ever bother Gibbs in interrogation. ZIVA: (LONG BEAT) Tony, I don't think it's McGee. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE/FILTERED) Got it, Abs. Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM FORNELL: You'll be okay, Karen. You can get through this. GIBBS: Get away from her, Tobias! The bodies in the yard are not from five years ago. FORNELL: They're older? GIBBS: No. They're more recent than that. Her husband wasn't the serial killer. She is. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT FORNELL: I've got to tell you, Jethro, that was... that was... GIBBS: Mm-hmm. FORNELL: How in the God's name could we miss that? GIBBS: I don't think God had much to do with it, Tobias. FORNELL: You know what's really got me freaked out? If her husband's body hadn't gotten hung up going down that chimney five years ago, she'd still be out there. We'd never have caught her. GIBBS: I can do you one better than that. FORNELL: Nah. Can't top that, Jethro. GIBBS: What was the toe doing in her husband's stomach? (MUSIC OUT)	Plan: A: a Marine base; Q: Where is the serial killer's burial ground? A: a serial killer's burial ground; Q: What did the team discover when they found a dead man in a chimney chute? A: the dead man; Q: Who did the team believe was the serial killer? A: Abby; Q: Who uncovers evidence that the dead man might have been a victim? A: a shock; Q: What does the team experience when the true killer is revealed? A: Tony; Q: Who helps the director with a special project? A: time; Q: What does Tony make for his girlfriend? A: Ducky; Q: Who talks to Gibbs about how he felt betrayed when Gibbs left? A: their friendship; Q: What do Ducky and Gibbs repair after a heart-to-heart? A: McGee; Q: Who deals with the team's reaction to their portrayal in his book? A: his best-selling book; Q: What does McGee do to deal with the team's reaction to their portrayal? Summary: A dead man in a chimney chute on a Marine base leads the team to discover a serial killer's burial ground. They believe that the dead man was the serial killer until Abby uncovers something which proves he might actually be a victim while the whole team are in for a shock when the true killer is finally revealed. Meanwhile, Tony helps the director with a special project and makes time for his girlfriend as well while Ducky talks to Gibbs about how he felt betrayed when Gibbs left and after a heart-to-heart the two eventually repair their friendship, and McGee deals with the team's reaction to their portrayal in his best-selling book.
Opens with Angel winding up an old clock and setting it on the desk in his office. The clock says 8:53. He then checks the table's surface. Puts a pencil down at one end and watches it roll across his desk. Cordy and Doyle watch form the outer office. Cordy: "When did he get back?" Doyle: "Late last night." Cordy: "And?" Doyle: "Ah, he seemed fine." Cordy: "He saw Buffy. He was in Sunnydale for three days, tracking her and that thingymagiggy you saw in your vision. (Sighs as she looks at Angel trying to adjust his desk) Where is the crabby scowl, the morbid gloom? (Turns to Doyle) This just means that it cut deeper then usual. Batten down the hatches, here comes Hurricane Buffy." Doyle: "You think? (Cordy gives an exasperated sigh.) Maybe he's over her." Cordy pats Doyle on the shoulder: "You have so much to learn little Irish man." Cordy turns and sees Angel take a stake out of his desk drawer testing its tip with his finger. Cordy: "Oh, my God!" Cordy runs into the office with Doyle right behind: "Don't do it, Angel!" Doyle: "Listen to me, man, it's not worth it." Angel: "It's not?" Cordy: "No! You can't let her get to you like this. You'll meet someone else. Just give it some time." Doyle holds out a hand: "Why don't you let me have that?" Angel: "Because I need it to level my desk. (Bends down to stick the tip of it under one of the table's legs) The floor is uneven. (Straightens up with a smirk) You two thought.." Cordy: "Doyle did. You know how he jumps to conclusions, - 'cause you saw Buffy." Angel: "It wasn't a social call. I was there to protect her. I stayed out of sight. She didn't even know I was there." Cordy: "Really? (Angel nods) So you avoided her." Angel: "Look, Buffy will always going to be a part of me, and that's never going to change. But she's human and I'm (Frowns and looks down) - not. And that's also never going to change. We said our good-byes, no need to stir any of this up again." Cordy: "You don't want to 'stir', but if my ex came to town and was all stalking me in the shadows and then left and then didn't even say 'hello' I'd be.." Buffy from the open door: "A little upset. (Angel looks at her, his mouth dropping open) Wouldn't you?" Intro. Cordy: "Buffy! - Buffy's here - in town. - What brings you to.." Buffy: "I came to see my father. (Looks over at Angel) Thought I'd stop by." Cordy with a fake laugh: "What a surprise!" Buffy: "Cordelia how are you?" Cordy: "Good. I'm good. You?" Buffy looks at Angel: "I've been better." Cordy: "Uh-huh. - Well, this is Doyle. And he gets visions of people in trouble." Doyle: "Nice to make your.." Cordy takes his arm and pulls him out of the office: "And this is us leaving you two alone." Buffy closes the door behind them then turns back to Angel, who's having trouble meeting her eyes. Angel: "Well, umm, it's good to.. Can I get you anything?" Buffy: "How about - an explanation? - Who do you think you are coming to my town and following me around behind my back?" Angel: "I'm sorry." Buffy: "What is this? Some new torment you cooked up just for me?" Angel: "No, I don't want to torment.." Buffy: "What is it? You can see me, but I can't see you? What are we playing here?" Angel: "We're not. I'm not playing anything. I wrestled with this decision.." Buffy: "Which you made without me." Angel: "I tried to do what I thought was right. It's complicated how this all happened, Buffy, you know? It's kind of a long story." Buffy: "You're new sidekick had a vision, I was in it, you came to Sunnydale?" Angel: "Okay, maybe not that long." Buffy: "You didn't feel that I was important enough to even tell me that you were there." Angel looks at her: "I'm trying to explain. It's because I felt that you're important that I didn't tell you." Buffy: "I'm a big girl now, Angel. I'm not in High School anymore. A lot has happened in my life since you left." Angel: "I know. I respect that." Buffy: "And I don't need you skulking around, trying to protect me. (Angel looks away, and Buffy looks down) Unless, of course, I'm in some gigantic fight to the death, which - I was last night. That was you, helping me, wasn't it?" Angel: "I was in the neighborhood - skulking." Cut to Doyle and Cordy in the outer office. Doyle: "So that's the Slayer." Cordy: "That's our Buffy." Doyle: "Well, she seemed a little.." Cordy: "Bulgarian in that outfit?" Doyle: "No, I was going to say hurt." Cordy: "Yeah, there's a lot of that when they're together. (Picks up her purse) Come on." Doyle: "Where are we going?" Cordy: "Oh, they'll be into this for a while. We still have time for a cappuccino and probably the director's cut of 'Titanic'." Cut to Angel and Buffy. Angel: "I'm sorry if I handled this wrong. I mean, what else was I supposed to do?" Buffy: "I don't know. - I just know that when you're around, whether I see you or not, - I feel you - inside - and it throws me." Angel: "Throws me, too." Buffy: "So let's just stick to the plan. We keep our distance until a lot of time has passed. Given enough time we should be able to.." Angel: "Forget?' Buffy: "Yeah. - So, I'm gonna go - start forgetting." As Buffy turns to go a green skinned Samurai demon with a curved sword and a red jewel in his forehead crashes through the window behind Angel and attacks him. Angel barely avoids the first stroke of his sword by rolling across his desk. Buffy: "Angel!" Buffy kicks the demon back against the wall, Angel comes up and throws an ax at it. Cut to Cordy and Doyle about to leave the office. They hear the fight. Doyle: "Did you hear that?" Cordy dismissively: "Yeah, the Angel and Buffy show. First they talk out their differences, then they punch them out." Doyle: "Shouldn't we.." Cordy: "Stick our noses where they don't belong and get them flattened? No thank you." They leave. Cut to Buffy and Angel fighting the Samurai. Angel slides across the floor, picking up the demon's sword and stabs it in the gut while it is still wrestling with Buffy. Some of its fluorescent green blood runs down the sword onto Angel's hand. The demon jumps back causing Buffy to land on top of Angel, pulls the sword out and jumps out of the window. Angel and Buffy stare at each other as they slowly untangle themselves and get up. Buffy: "Friend of yours?" Angel: "Never saw it before." Buffy: "It was rude. We should go kill it." Angel: "I'm free." Buffy: "Got somewhere I can change?" Cut to Angel and Buffy tracking it through the sewer tunnels. Angel: "It's heading towards the ocean." Buffy: "Are you sure?" Angel: "It's wounded. I can smell its blood." Buffy: "Oh. Great. - Handy skill. (Angel stops to look at her as she continues on) Maybe if your crack staff hadn't run off at the first sign of trouble they could have helped us with some research. Find out what this thing is and why it wants to kill us." Something rustles and Buffy spins around, stake in hand. Angel: "It's just a rat. - So, you can put that down. (She lowers the stake slowly) It's not a vampire. I don't know why you brought that anyway." Buffy: "Because I know how to use it. Besides it's a lot handier then your fighting ax." Angel: "Unless he chops it in two and maybe takes some of your hand with it." Buffy: "Look can we just get on with the hunting? I'd like to get this over with before dark." Angel: "I can handle this myself." Buffy: "You bailed me out last night. I'd like us to be even.' Angel walks past her: "We're keeping score now." Buffy looking around: "Are you getting anything? Because I sure smell sewer. (Angel touches a green spot on the wall of a tunnel junction, smells his fingers, then heads down that tunnel) Tunnel number one it is." Cut to Angel emerging out of the mouth of a tunnel. He's blinking his eyes, frowning. Buffy: "Angel? You okay?" Angel: "I feel weird.' Buffy with a sigh: "I know. I do, too. I mean, I only came to see you so I could tell you face-to-face not to see me - face-to-face anymore, - and I know there is a fly in the logic ointment here somewhere, but.. The next thing I knew we're being attacked by this mutant ninja demon thing, and then we're on the floor on top of each other, and it's just really confusing being around you." Angel with a slight grimace: "No, I meant I felt weird from the demons blood. (Looks down at his hand) It's powerful." Buffy looks away: "Oh. Okay. (Turns to walk on quickly) Let's just rewind Buffy's little outburst and pretend it never happened." Angel: "No. I-It is confusing. And I.. When we're apart - it's easier. (Buffy stares at him) It hurts - every day. But I live with it. (He slowly steps closer to her) And now you're - you're right here - and I can actually reach out.. and - it's more then confusing - it's unbearable." Buffy inches closer to him: "But we have to bear, right? I mean, what else can we do? It doesn't work with us. It can't." Angel: "No, I-I can't give you a life, or a future or anything a real girl would want." Buffy inching closer: "No matter how much we miss each other." Angel: "Or what we feel in the moment." Buffy: "If we let something happen here - we'd want more. - And nothing's changed. We'd only end up having to leave each other again." Angel: "And that's the best case scenario." Buffy: "Oh, boy. (Turns away) I was really jonesing for another heartbreaking sewer talk." Angel: "I'm sorry." Buffy turns back to him angry: "You know, I'm actually on the brink of something back home. I'm actually heading towards a pretty good life now that.." Angel: "I'm out of the picture. - That's why I left. I want you to have it." Buffy: "Could we just - find this thing and get this finished? (Sees rungs leading up) What if it went up?" Angel: "Into the day, where it knows I can't follow." Buffy gets ready to go up: "But I can." Angel: "Uh, I..(Reaches out to touch her then balls his hand up into a fist and pulls it back) I don't want you going after it alone." Buffy: "Look, it's best all around if we just split up. I can handle it." Angel after a beat: "There's a dive on Second near Beach, The Lone Bar. Demons go there sometimes when they need to get patched up." Buffy starts to climb: "Got it." Angel: "Be careful." Cut to Angel walking in the dark tunnels. Two glowing green eyes watch him from behind. Suddenly the demon jumps out and attacks him from behind slicing across the palm of Angel's right hand as he spins around. Angel looks at the blood on his hand then vamps out and attacks. They fight. The demon slices off the head of Angel's battle-ax, and Angel manages to knock the sword out of the demon's hand. The demon pulls his short sword (about the same length as what's left of the ax handle) and they continue fighting. In the end Angel manages to grab the demon's sword hand and turns its hand to stab it in the heart with its own sword. The demon falls back as Angel stares at the glowing green blood that covers his cut right hand. The blood swirls around and sinks into his cut, which closes up in front of his eyes. A light races from his right hand through his whole body as Angel collapses with a strangled cry. Angel comes back up gasping for air while we hear the sound of a heart beating. Angel staring at his hand in disbelief: "I'm alive." Cut to Cordy and Doyle entering the office. Doyle sees the destruction in Angel's office: "Woah, when they fight.." Cordy runs past him: "Oh, my God!" Doyle: "What?" Cordy : "She killed him! (Picks up a handful of dust) Oops! My bad. (Brushes off her hands) It's just dust I forgot to sweep under the rug." Doyle: "What, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Cordy: "Hey, don't blame me if he's too cheap to hire a Cleaning Lady!" The door opens and Angel walks into the outer office a dazed expression on his face. Cordy: "What's wrong? What happened? - Did you do it with Buffy? (Doyle steps closer to Angel staring at his chest) Watch it, Doyle, don't get too close. - Hey, you walked in the front door - from the street! You got.." Angel looking at Doyle: "Yeah." Cordy: "An umbrella!" Angel walks past them and stand in the sun streaming in through the window. Doyle: "He's alive, Cordelia." Cordy: "Alive?" Angel: "Buffy and I were attacked by some kind of demon. I- I tracked it - and killed it (Holds out his right hand) A-and some of its blood mixed with mine." Doyle laying two fingers on his wrist: "And you wound up with a pulse?" Angel: "I want to find out what kind of a demon that was. Ow, my back. It hurts. Everything's.." Doyle: "More real, now that you're real?" Angel: "Yeah. I'm mortal now. I have a mortal body. (Stares at where Cordy is standing) And I'm so - hungry!" Cordy jumps out of his way as he comes charging towards her: "Look out, he's gonna eat..(Angel grabs one of the donuts sitting on the little refrigerator behind where she was standing and stuffs it in his mouth) everything in sight!" Angel opens the fridge, takes a bite out of an apple: "Oh my God. Food. (Takes a bite out of something else) This is unbelievable. This is so.. (Smells the apple) You know, I forgot how good it all tastes when you're alive!" Cordy: "Yeah, and they didn't even have Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip when you were alive." Angel: "Mmm, I want some! Can you get that?" Cordy: "It'll go straight to your thighs." Angel still trying bites of everything: "Uhm, chocolate! Oh, (Laughs) chocolate!" Doyle: "All right, all right, we need to focus here. We need to try and find out.." Angel talking with his mouth full: "I love chocolate! (Drinks out of a yogurt container and makes a face) Uh, but not, as it turns out, yogurt. Urgh!" Doyle: "Orsen! We're in a situation here." Angel: "Right. (Takes a deep breath and closes the fridge) I know. You're right. Let me think - and now my stomach's killing me. - Cordelia, find Buffy. She' in Santa Monica near the Lone Star. Tell her I killed the demon." Cordy turns to go: "Okay." Angel: "Oh, wait! Don't tell her what's happened to me. Not until I know what it means." Cordy: "All right." Cut to a woodcut of the demon in a book. Angel: "That's it." Doyle: "It's called a Mohra demon. They're pretty powerful assassins, soldiers of darkness kind of thing. They take out warriors for our side, like you and Buffy. (Quotes from book) 'Needs vast amounts of salt to live'." Angel: "It was heading towards salt water." Doyle quoting: "'Veins run with the blood of eternity.' There it is. Its blood has regenerative properties." Angel staring fascinated at his reflection in a window: "Which explains what happened to me. But it doesn't explain why." Doyle closes the book: "Hey, what difference does it make, man? The demon's dead, you're alive! It's happy fun time." Angel spins to confront Doyle: "What's going on here, Doyle?" Doyle: "I don't know. I thought the only way for you to be made mortal was if the Powers-That-Be stepped in." Angel: "What, they could have done this? How come I keep getting the feeling that you're not telling me everything." Doyle: "Because I'm not. We're both on a need to know basis here." Angel pacing: "I need to know about this. Is this permanent? Am I - am I normal Joe now? Can I have a normal life? I want to speak to the Powers-That-Be." Doyle: "Woah, woah, woah! That's easier said then done, bud. The Powers-That-Be don't live in our reality. You have to approach them through channels. Dangerous channels." Angel: "Yeah, you know what? Start approaching!" Doyle: "All right. All right. Maybe we can try the Oracles. But hey, if they turn you into a toad - don't say I didn't warn you." Cut to Angel and Doyle in some underground chamber. There is a white stone arc in one wall. Angel reading the foreign inscription above it: "'The Gateway for Lost Souls' (Turns to Doyle) is under the post office?" Doyle: "It makes sense if you think about it. Now listen, the Oracles are finicky and unpredictable. You do get in, don't dilly-dally. Ask your questions, get out." Angel: "Aren't you coming?" Doyle: "Not allowed. I'm just a lowly messenger, you're a warrior.. if your heart is pure - and I do this right.. (Puts some herbs in an urn) 'We beseech access to the knowing ones..' We may just survive. (Put a lighter to the urn and it fills with high flames. The arc glows and fills with light) You're in." Angel steps through the light into a white marble chamber. Two glittery figures confront him. Man: "Come before us, lower being." Woman: "What have you brought us?" Angel: "Was I supposed to.." Man: "You call us forth and bring us no offering?" Angel takes off his wristwatch: "I brought you this." Woman holds out her hand and the watch flies to her: "I like Time. There is so little and so much of it." Man: "Well?" Angel: "What's happened to me?" Woman steps to one side of Angel: "It's true then, brother." Man on Angel's other side: "He is no longer a warrior." Angel: "It was the demon's blood. It wasn't the Powers-That-Be that did this?" Man: "The Powers-That-Be? Did you save humanity? Avert the Apocalypse?" Woman: "You faced a Mohra demon. Life goes on." Angel: "My life as a human. I'm not poisoned or under some spell?" Woman looks up, after a beat: "The Auguries say no. If it has happened it was meant to be." Man: "From this day, you will live and die as any mortal man." Woman: "Privy to all the attendant pains - and pleasures." Man: "That which we serve is no longer that which you serve. You are released from your fealty." The woman and man walk away form him. Angel: "That's it? I'm free?" Man holds up his hand and Angel goes flying backwards out of the arc to land on top of Doyle. Doyle helps him up: "Angel, it didn't work?" Angel: "Yes, it did." Doyle: "You just went in this instant." Angel staring at the arc: "What?" Doyle: "Look at your watch." Angel: "I can't do that, Doyle. Next time remind me to bring a gift?" Doyle: "I knew I forgot something. So, what happened? What did they say?" Angel: "They're a little confusing, but.. - the gist of it is - it's real. - I'm free." Doyle: "I can't believe this." Angel: "Me either. I mean, what do I do now? - I have this whole new life spread before me. I don't know where to begin." Doyle: "Right. It's overwhelming. You can pretty much do what ever you want now. The question is, what do you want?" Cut to Buffy walking in a park overlooking the beach. She feels something and turns around to see Angel stepping through a shadowed arch in a hedge. She watches as he walks out into the sun towards her and they kiss. Cut to the Clock on Angel desk. It's five o'clock. Cordy fussing over a sickly plant: "This plant was thriving just this morning. Now look at it. I'm telling you where she leads, dark forces follow." Doyle: "Buffy gave it mites?" Cordy sits down on the couch beside him: "How else do you explain it?" Doyle: "Jealousy?" Cordy: "I'm jealous of her? Oh, please!" Doyle: "It's just a theory." Cordy: "Jealous or not, our lives are about to kaleidoscope." Doyle: "How do you figure. Angel's only been human a day." Cordy: "The last 2 1/2 hours of which they've spent down there in his apartment - together." Doyle: "So? Don't they deserve a little happiness after all they've been through?" Cordy sighs: "Let me explain the lore here, okay? They suffer, they fight. That's business as usual. They get groiny with each other, the world as we know it falls apart." Doyle: "Well, he's not cursed anymore. And anyway, you can't be sure that they're.." Cordy: "Oh, please! They've got the forbidden love of all time. They have been apart for months. Now he's suddenly human? I'm sure they are down there just having tea and crackers." Cut to Angel and Buffy sitting at opposite sides of his kitchen table. Angel pours some tea: "Would you like some more?" Buffy: "No, thank you." Angel: "I'm really sorry I kissed you like that." Buffy: "You are?" Angel: "Well, not for the kiss itself.." Buffy sighs: "Good. I mean, 'cause - as far as kisses go I thought it was well above average." Angel: "It was incredible. I just - I-I think, maybe we'd be asking for trouble rushing back into things. (Buffy looks at him) Not that I don't want to - rush. Believe me, I do." Buffy: "Right. You spoke to the Oracles and they said you were cured for good. But how do we know that they really speak for the Powers? I mean they could be - pranksters." Angel: "Or there could be another loophole." Buffy: "Exactly. And then the two of us would be in even deeper and it's 'grr' all over again." Angel: "It would be smart to wait a while. See if this mortal thing takes." Buffy: "Exactly. And even if it does, it's still complicated." Angel: "You're still the Slayer. And I'm not sure what I am now. I don't know what my purpose is. I can't just wedge myself into your life back in Sunnydale. It wouldn't be good for either of us. Not to mention the fact that you just started college. And what about slaying. I mean, if you had me to worry about, you might not be as focused." Buffy: "Are you going to pull out a pie chart on me now? Because I get it, it's not necessary." Angel gets up with a sigh and moves to the chair next to her: "I'm not saying I don't want you. You know how much.. I'm just saying it's worth the wait to be sure this is right. I need to be sure you won't get hurt again." Buffy gets up: "You know it's a good thing I didn't fantasize about you turning human only about 10 zillion times, because today would have been a real let down. - So how does the mature plan go? You call me? I call you? What?" Angel gets up and steps over to her: "We stay in touch - just not.." Buffy: "Literally. - Funny. (They stare at each other, then Buffy walks past him) Okay, I'd better.." Angel turns to look after her: "Right. Remove the temptation." Buffy spins back towards him: "So, we'll - talk soon." Buffy puts her hand on top of his on the counter. They both stare down at their hands. Angel turns his hand to grab hers then reaches out and pulls her into a kiss. They stumble up against the fridge and Buffy jumps up to wrap her legs around his waist. Still kissing, Angel carries her over to the kitchen table, sweeps the stuff on it on the floor and lays her down on it. Cut to later. Buffy yells: "Peanut butter, preferably crunchy!" Angel's head pops up above the door of the fridge: "I got it." His arms piled with food he makes his way back to the bedroom with some strategically placed props all that's preserving his dignity. He dumps the stuff on the bed and slips under the sheet. Buffy wearing a black robe smiles at him: "The perfect yum. (Angel feeds her a spoon of ice cream) Mmm, this is a dream. You're human for like a minute and already there is Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge." Angel: "God, I love food." Buffy feeds him some ice cream on a chocolate waffle: "Food is good." They kiss. Angel: "Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter?" Buffy: "Well, I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn't really savor it, then it would only hurt you, you know? By the way, I'm over the whole needing to be mature thing. That time you just spent in the kitchen? That was enough time apart." Angel with a smile: "Too much." They kiss and some ice cream drips from his spoon on his chest. Angel: "Okay, mortal coordination leaving something to be desired." Buffy: "Wrong. It's just right." Angel laughs as she licks up the ice cream then pulls her down into a kiss. Cut to Doyle and Cordy drinking at a bar. Cordy: "Well, this is working out nicely! I'm out of a job." Doyle: "Hey! It's not just you, you know?" Cordy: "Oh, please. Who are you kidding? You're glad it happened." Doyle: "Hey, I'm glad for Angel, but if that means I'm off the hook with the Powers-That-Be as well, all the better. I'm finally free to go out in the world and make me own mark in the world." Cordy: "We had a cat that used to do that. (Puts her head down on the bar) Oh god, what am I going to do? I'm good for exactly two things: International Superstardom, or helping a vampire with a soul to rid the world of evil. That makes for a short but - colorful resume." Doyle: "Well, what ever happens form here on out, at least I will be able to say good-bye to them bone-crushing, head-wrenching, mind-numbing visions." His head hits the bar as we cut to blurred pictures of the Mohra demon attacking Angel. Cordy: "What do you see?" Doyle: "We got trouble." [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Angel and Buffy lying peacefully in bed. Buffy with her head on Angel's chest: "It's a good sound. Thump-thump. Thump-thump." Angel smiles: "It feels pretty amazing." Buffy: "I'm so glad we didn't logic ourselves out of this. We'll make it work, right?" Angel: "We will." Buffy: "Oh, I'm so sleepy, - but I still want.." Angel: "What? You couldn't possibly.. Not that I wouldn't.." Buffy: "No, no. I'm spent. Pleasantly numb even. You?" Angel smiles: "For now." Buffy: "No, I - want to stay awake - so this day can keep happening." Angel kisses her on the forehead: "Sleep. We'll make another one like it tomorrow." Buffy sleepy: "Angel? This is the first time I ever really felt this way." Angel: "What way?" Buffy: "Just like I've always wanted to. Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect." Angel kisses the top of her head as she falls asleep. Cut to later. Angel is watching Buffy sleep. He hears the door open and gets up, careful not to wake Buffy. Cut to Angel coming out of the bedroom shrugging into a robe as Doyle comes down the stairs. Doyle: "Hey, that (Angel holds up his hand for him to keep his voice down and Doyle continues more softly) Mohra demon regenerated more then just you." Angel: "What?" Doyle: "I had a vision. It regenerated itself." Angel: "Where?" Doyle: "In the tunnel where you fought it. Then it was in some sort of factory. I thought I tasted salt. Could have been the margarita." Angel pacing: "No, it needs a lot of salt to live." Doyle: "Well, it was very much alive in this vision, and angry if I might mention." Angel: "I'll have to kill it again." Doyle: "Yeah, but you're human now. They released you." Angel pulling on some pants: "You want to let that thing roam free? You saw it in a factory. There is a saline plant in Redondo, We'll start there." Doyle: "Yeah, but if it can regenerate itself, how can you kill it?" Angel: "We'll figure it out. Just grab the book of Kelsor. You'll read, I'll drive. (When Doyle stays silent) Doyle?" Doyle looks at Buffy sleeping on Angel's bed: "I think we should bring someone a little - supernatural?" Angel pulls a sweater over his head and looks where Doyle is looking. Doyle: "Don't you want to wake the girl?" Angel: "Not for the world." Cut to the saline plant. Doyle reading in book: "Okay. This is not good. It doesn't just come back - it comes back bigger and stronger. I think we should go back and get Buffy." Angel: "I know what I'm doing." Doyle: "This isn't your average demon we're fighting here. It nearly licked you before and now your mortal." Angel: "If this thing with me and Buffy is going to work, I need to be able do this on my own. I can't keep risking her life every time some minion of hell.. Just tell me how to kill it." Doyle reads from book: "Uh, 'It regenerates until the dark future it envisions is upon us.' Oh, 'to kill the beast one must bring darkness to 1000 eyes'." Angel: "Funny, I only saw two." Doyle: "Keep up the glib. It makes me feel like we have a chance. (Angel sees two corpses and gags from the smell) Take it easy, mate." Angel coughing: "The blood." Doyle supporting him: "It's never an easy sight. It's part of being human now." Angel: "I'm going to kill that thing." Doyle: "Just remember that it's brutal, deadly, and (looks up) here!" The Mohra jumps down on them from above and they start fighting it. They're clearly overmatched and Doyle gets knocked out pretty early. Angel keeps getting back up, but the thing is pretty much wiping the floor with him and he finally turns to run. Cut to Cordy putting sticky notes on things in the office. Buffy comes in: "Angel? - Cordelia." Cordy hold up and ornate ax: "Is this antique?" Buffy: "Byzantine." Cordy puts it down: "Mmm." Buffy: "Where is Angel?" Cordy shrugs: "I've decided not to feel sorry for myself. I'm taking matters into my own hands, organizing a little 'going out of business' sale to subsidize the severance package Angel never bothered setting up for me." Buffy: "Did he leave a message about where he went?" Cordy: "You know I'm in real pain here and all you can do is talk about Angel. Has it even occurred to you how this whole turning human thing might affect me?" Buffy: "Regrettably - no. Look, if you know where he is, just tell me?" Cordy with a sigh: "He told me not to tell you." Buffy: "Is he in trouble? (Cordy makes a face) Cordelia, what are we, in second grade here? Tell me!" Cordy: "Oh, you want to talk about being mature? Maybe it's time that you grew up and realized that you can't have everything. You can't have Angel and save the world. And anyway, it's your fault that he went to fight that thing by himself without.." Buffy: "What thing?" Cut to Angel just trying to stay alive as the Mohra demon keeps coming after him. Angel climbs on the lid of a salt silo and when the demon jumps up and hits him they both crash through. Mohra putting a foot on Angel's neck: "The end of days has begun and can't be stopped. For anyone of us that falls, ten shall rise." As the Mohra lifts his sword to stab Angel Buffy jumps down on it from above, knocking it off Angel. Buffy got the demon's sword: "You hurt my boyfriend." Mohra: "A great darkness is coming." Buffy: "You got that right." They fight. Mohra manages to wrap its morgenstern around Buffy's sword and pull it from her hand. Buffy kicks it into the wall. Buffy: "Come on, this is the great warrior of darkness?" They fight some more. Buffy manages to step on the chain of its morgenstern and kick the demon so it has to let go of it. It picks her up and throws her into the wall. Mohra: "Together you were powerful. Alone, you are dead. (Picks her up by her throat) What do you think of the great warrior now?" Angel picks up a handful of salt: "Little bland. (Throws it in the demon's eyes and it drops Buffy) Needs salt." Angel tries to help Buffy up, but the Mohra grabs him and throws him across the silo. Buffy and the demon keep fighting. Angel looks up at the demon: "The light of a thousand eyes.. The jewel in its forehead! You have to smash the jewel." Buffy picks up the morgenstern and does just that. Mohra: "No!" The demon vanishes in a bright light. Buffy runs over to Angel and takes his head in her lap. Angel: "Buffy, are you all.." Buffy: "Shh, you're all right. That's all that matters. Shh, you're all right. (Kisses the top of his head) And it's over. And we're together." Cut to the Oracles. Man: "You again." Woman: "What have you brought me?" Angel: "Famille Rose vase. (Throws her a black vase) Ching dynasty. Circa 1811." Woman: "Lovely." Man: "Why are you here, lower being?" Angel: "The Mohra demon said the end of days had begun. That others were coming, soldiers of darkness. I need to know if he was telling the truth." Man: "As far as such things can be told." Angel: "What happens to the Slayer when these soldiers come?" Woman: "What happens to all mortal beings. Albeit sooner in her case." Angel: "She'll die? - Then I'm here to beg for her life." The Oracles turn and walk away: "It is not our place to grant life or death." Angel: "And I ask you to take mine back. (The oracles stop walking and turn back to him) Look I can't protect her or anyone this way, not as a man." Woman: "You're asking to be what you were, a demon with a soul, because of the Slayer?" Man turns to leave again: "Oh, this is a matter of love. It does not concern us." Angel: "Yes, it does. The Mohra demon came to take a warrior from your cause - and it succeeded. I'm no good to you like this. I know you have it in your power to make this right. Please." Man: "What is done can not be undone." Woman: "What is not yet done can be avoided." Man: "Temporal folds are not to indulge at - the whims of lower beings." Woman: "You are wrong. This one is willing to sacrifice every drop of human happiness and love he has ever known for another. He is not a lower being." Man: "There is one way. But it is not to be undertaken lightly." Woman: "We swallow this day, as though it had never happened. Twenty-four hours from the moment the demon first attacked you, we take it back." Angel licks his lips: "Then none of this happened and Buffy and I.. What - what'll stop us from doing the exact same thing again?" Woman: "You. You alone will carry the memory of this day. - Can you carry that burden?" Cut to the clock on Angel's desk. It's 8:56. Buffy wearing a long flowery dress is pacing Angel's apartment. Angel comes down the steps to his apartment. Buffy: "I'm guessing that expression isn't because they were all out of fresh OJ at the deli. - What happened?" Angel: "Nothing happened. - I just.." Buffy: "Where have you been?" Angel: "I went to see the Oracles. I asked them to turn me back." Buffy: "What? - Why?" Angel: "Because more then ever I know how much I love you." Buffy backs away from him: "No. No, you didn't." Angel follows her: "And if I stayed mortal one of us would wind up dead, maybe both of us. You heard what Mohra said." Buffy: "Mohra is dead. We killed him." Angel: "He said others would come." Buffy: "They always come. And they always will. But that's my problem now, not yours, remember?" Angel: "No, I won't just stand by and let you fight, maybe die, alone." Buffy: "Then we fight together." Angel: "You saw what happened last night. If anything I'm a liability to you. You take chances to protect me, and that's not just bad for you, it's bad for the people we were meant to help." Buffy: "So what? You just took a whole 24 hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a superhero?" Angel: "You know that's not it. How can we be together if the cost is your life, or the lives of others? (Buffy just stares at him and after a moment he takes her into his arms) I know. I couldn't tell you. I wasn't sure - if I could do it if I woke up with you one more morning." Buffy sniffling: "I understand. - So, what happens now?' Angel: "The Oracles are giving us back the day, turning back time, so I can kill Mohra before his blood makes me mortal." Buffy: "When?" Angel looks over at the clock (it's 9:00): "Another minute." Buffy crying: "A minute? No. No, it's not enough time!" Angel: "We don't have a choice. It's done." Buffy: "How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had?" Angel: "You won't. No one will know but me." Buffy: "Everything we did." Angel: "It never happened." Buffy shakes her head: "It did. It did. I know it did! (Puts her hand on his heart) I felt your heart beat." Angel: "Buffy.." They kiss. Buffy looks over at the clock. The minute is almost up. Buffy: "No! Oh God. It's not enough time." Angel is crying too now: "Shh, please. Please." The hold each other tightly both crying. Angel: "Please, please." Buffy: "No. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget." White flash dissolves to Angel's office the previous day. Angel is leaning against his desk blinking, looking around. Buffy is standing next to the door. Buffy: "So, then let's just stick to the plan. Keep our distance until a lot of time has passed, and given enough time - we should be able to.." Angel stares at her and swallows hard: "Forget." Buffy: "Yeah. - So - I'm gonna go - start forgetting." The Mohra crashes through the window behind Angel with a scream. Angel just turns, grabs the clock from his desk and coolly smashes the Mohra's jewel with it. The Mohra goes up in a flash of light. Buffy slightly stunned: "That was unreal. - How did you know how to kill it?" Angel: "It's a Mohra demon. I - I had a lot of time to catch up on my reading." Buffy nods slowly: "Yeah. Okay. - So I guess we've covered it, right?" Angel: "I guess we did." Buffy: "And that's all there really is to say." Angel takes a deep breath and looks down on the smashed clock. It stopped at 9:02. When he turns back Buffy is already leaving the outer office. Angel: "Yeah. - That's it."	Plan: A: Sunnydale; Q: Where did Angel return from after the events of "Pangs"? A: L.A.; Q: Where does Buffy go to visit Angel? A: its blood; Q: What infects Angel? A: love; Q: What do Buffy and Angel make when they are both mortal? A: meanwhile the demon regenerates; Q: What happens while Buffy and Angel make love? A: the demon; Q: Who tells Angel that the end of the world is coming? A: the end of days; Q: What does the demon tell Angel is coming? A: the Oracles; Q: Who does Angel visit to ask what will happen to Buffy? A: his life; Q: What does Angel ask the Oracles to take? A: the last 24 hours; Q: What do the Oracles tell Angel he must take back to save Buffy? Summary: Angel returns from Sunnydale (after the events of " Pangs "). Buffy comes to L.A. to visit Angel to express her displeasure that he had visited Sunnydale without letting her know. A demon attacks and its blood infects Angel, making him mortal. Buffy and Angel make love, meanwhile the demon regenerates and a mortal Angel goes to fight it, and Buffy goes to his rescue and kills the demon. Before its death, the demon tells Angel that the end of days is coming. Angel visits the Oracles and asks them what will happen and is told that Buffy will die. Angel asks them to take his life and to let Buffy live, they tell him the only way is to take back the last 24 hours.
Merlin: IV ep 3 Amendments 08.06.11 1. 1- EXT. CAMELOT (MAIN SQUARE) - DAY 1. FR The square is a hive of activity. A caravan of colourful carts is being unloaded by acrobats, dancers, jugglers, strong men and jesters. An acrobat back flips off a wagon and lands on his feet. Jugglers practice their routine, sending batons high into the air. 1a INT / EXT. KING'S PALACE (Arthur's CHAMBERS) / CAMELOT (MAIN1a SQUARE) - DAY 1. UK/FR. Merlin and Arthur look down into the Main Square. Merlin's impressed, Arthur less so. Merlin: Did you see that? Arthur: It's a man throwing some sticks in the air. Merlin takes in Arthur's mood. Merlin: What's wrong? Arthur pulls a face. Merlin: It's the anniversary of your birth. A huge feast is being held in your honour. You have dancers, jugglers and acrobats to entertain you. It must be a terrible burden. Arthur: Perhaps I'm just less easily impressed than you, Merlin. Merlin: I'm really looking forward to it. Arthur: That's because you have the mind of a child. Arthur heads out. Merlin: (to himself): And yet I'm still more intelligent than you. Arthur doesn't look round as he calls out... Arthur: I heard that. 5 INT. KING'S PALACE (BANQUET HALL) - DAY 1. FR. Two acrobats have set up a circular board, divided into brightly coloured segments. The Gleeman passes through the Banquet Hall, casting a critical eye over the preparations, checking everything is as it should be. [Suddenly, behind him we hear a crash - The Gleeman turns to see a chest full of juggling batons spill out over the floor. The Gleeman: Careful gentlemen. Careful. The jugglers pick up their batons. The Gleeman: There is no room for error. We must strive for perfection in all that we do. For tonight, we entertain royalty.] He hears a sound and looks round to see objects flying out of a deep trunk. The Gleeman clears his throat. A head appears, peering out over the rim of the trunk. This is Geldred. The Gleeman: Have you misplaced something Geldred? Geldred leaps from the trunk. We now see he is a dwarf. Geldred: Our special gift for the Prince. I cannot find it anywhere. It is lost. Geldred starts to search a sack, causing more mess... The Gleeman: Geldred... Geldred continues his search. He stops as he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks up to see The Gleeman fixing him with a piercing stare. It is suddenly apparent that The Gleeman is a man to be feared. He pulls slim box from his tunic... The Gleeman: I took the liberty of ensuring their safe passage myself. [King Odin has gone to such trouble to arrange our little surprise. We would not want to disappoint him. ] The Gleeman opens the box to reveal three sharp throwing daggers. The Gleeman: We must make sure this is a celebration that the young Prince will never forget. The GLEEMAN throws one of the knives through the air. It pierces the centre of the board with terrifying precision. --- Opening Credits --- [6 INT. KING'S PALACE (Arthur's CORRIDOR) - DAY 1. UK. Merlin and Arthur exit Arthur's chambers and make their way down the corridor. They meet Gwen. Gwen: Arthur. Arthur: Guinevere. Gwen: I'm glad we have met. I wanted to give you my best wishes for your special day. Arthur: Thank you. That's very kind. Gwen You must be so looking forward to the carnival? Arthur: hesitates, then... Arthur: Absolutely. More than I can say. Merlin's outraged as he takes in Arthur's volte-face. Gwen I should get on. Arthur and Gwen share an affectionate smile as she heads off. Arthur: stares after her with puppy dog eyes. His expression changes as he sees Merlin smirking... Arthur: Shut up, Merlin. Merlin: It's sweet. How you are with Gwen. You're like... you're like a little puppy. Arthur: doesn't appreciate the analogy. Arthur: Really? Have you ever seen a little puppy do this...? Arthur clips Merlin round the head. Merlin: Ouh! Arthur clips Merlin: round the head again. Merlin's outraged. Merlin: What was that for? Arthur: That was for what you said earlier. Merlin goes to respond. Arthur clips him round the head before he can speak. Merlin's speechless. Arthur: And that is for what you were about to say. Arthur heads off, leaving Merlin disgruntled, rubbing his sore ear. Merlin: (to himself): A little puppy with the brains of a donkey. Arthur calls out without looking back... Arthur: Heard it.] 7 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Uther's CHAMBERS) - DAY 1. UK. Uther appears weak and withdrawn. Reveal Arthur seated by him. Arthur takes a moment as he takes in Uther's vacant expression, then launches into his usual routine. Arthur: The Court discussed the annual levy this morning. The council has suggested we raise it. I feel the people are already over- burdened... Uther: We should not talk about matters of court today. Arthur's surprised by Uther's response. Uther fixes Arthur: with an emotional look. Arthur's increasingly concerned. Arthur: Father? Uther smiles softly... Uther: You think I could ever forget that today is the anniversary of your birth? Arthur's both relieved and touched. [Uther pulls out a small box, holds it out to Arthur gestures for him to take it. Arthur: takes the box, opens it and pulls out a beautiful ring. Uther: It was your grandfather's. Arthur's moved... Arthur: I shall treasure it. Thank you. Uther: Despite what you all think, I haven't completely lost my mind. Arthur: No one thinks that. Least of all me. Uther's touched. Uther: You are a good son Arthur... ] I take it a suitable celebration has been arranged for this evening? Arthur: A feast, and some entertainment. I will tell you all about it tomorrow. Uther: Nonsense. You think I would miss my son's anniversary? Arthur's surprised and touched. [Arthur: Are you sure you feel strong enough? Uther Nothing would stop me.] 8 - INT. KING'S PALACE (PHOENIX CORRIDOR) - DAY 1. UK. Arthur and Gaius are talking by the guards outside the door to Uther's chambers. Arthur: He seems much better. This will be the first time he has left his chambers in months. Gaius: We must be cautious. I have seen cases like your father's before. Periods of lucidity are no uncommon, but I have to warn you. It may not last. Arthur: takes this in, but remains positive. Arthur: No. I'm sure this is the start of his recovery. He will soon be his old self. Gaius smiles, letting Arthur enjoy the moment.] 9 - EXT. CAMELOT - NIGHT 1. FR. Night falls over Camelot. 10 - INT. KING'S PALACE (BANQUET HALL) - NIGHT 1. FR. The Banquet Hall is packed. KNIGHTS and COURTIERS are tucking into a feast. A blast of trumpets. Everyone looks toward the doors. For a moment, nothing happens. The tension builds. Suddenly, the doors are thrown open and acrobats back flip through them. Dancers and jugglers follow behind, and suddenly the Hall is filled with entertainment... Everyone's enjoying the show, wowed by the skills of the performers Arthur takes in Uther smiling, and then applauding. He catches his eye. Uther raises his goblet. Arthur returns the gesture with a smile. He's thrilled to see his father in such good spirits... In the midst of the performers, stands The Gleeman. He raises his arms and signals. The performers freeze. All eyes focus on The Gleeman as a hush descends over the Hall. With a flourish, The Gleeman pulls a brightly coloured cover from the large circular board. A ripple of excitement as the crowd realise what's happening... [Uther: Knife throwing. Excellent. ] The Gleeman looks out over the Hall. The Gleeman: We will require a volunteer... The Gleeman's eyes travel the Hall, before settling on Arthur. The Gleeman: Prince Arthur. What better and more fitting occasion to demonstrate your legendary bravery. Arthur's caught out, put on the spot. The Gleeman: Do you accept the challenge? Arthur feels the eyes of the COURTIERS and KNIGHTS awaiting his decision. Arthur stands. Arthur: Of course. There's a round of applause as Arthur makes his way through the Hall. Merlin intercepts Arthur. They have a whispered exchange... Merlin: Is this safe...? Arthur: It's knife throwing, Merlin. Of course it's not safe. I could hardly refuse his challenge. Arthur sees that the eyes of the entire room are upon them [and starts emptying his pockets, giving the contents to Merlin, making an excuse to cover the true nature of their exchange. Arthur: Just emptying my pockets. Try not to steal anything, Merlin. A ripple of laughter. Merlin and Arthur's whispered exchange continues... Merlin: I just don't think it's a good idea to let someone strap you to a board and throw knives at you. Arthur: Perhaps I should have you take my place? Merlin doesn't relish the prospect, looks out at the expectant CROWD, then back at Arthur. Merlin: I think they want you to do it. Arthur: Your bravery never ceases to impress me, Merlin. Arthur heads over to the circular board where The Gleeman waits for him. He catches Gwen's eye. She looks concerned. Arthur smiles, reassuring. The Gleeman gestures for Arthur: to place himself against the board... The Gleeman Sire. If you will...? ] Arthur places himself against the board. Dancers strap Arthur's ankles and wrists to the restraints on the board. Arthur shoots a slightly nervous glance at The Gleeman. The Gleeman Do not fear, my Lord. I never miss my target. Arthur: Good. Glad to hear it. With a flourish, The Gleeman whips an apple from his robes and holds it up to the CROWD. The Gleeman turns to Arthur. The Gleeman: May I? Arthur: What? Before Arthur can object, The Gleeman places the apple in Arthur's mouth. The Gleeman nods to one of the dancers. She gives the wheel a push and it starts to spin. Arthur spins on the board. It makes him feel dizzy, and a little nauseous. A faint groan escapes his lips, muffled by the apple stuffed in his mouth. Geldred presents the case of knives to The Gleeman. He takes one out, touches his finger to the tip, then demonstrates the blades sharpness by slicing off the top of Geldred's hat. On Arthur's eyes, a flash of fear at the demonstration. Looking on, Merlin is also concerned. Without even stopping to take aim, The Gleeman suddenly turns and throws the knife at Arthur. It thuds into the board, centimetres from Arthur's face. A huge gasp goes up, followed by a round of applause. As he spins, Arthur eyes the knife warily... The Gleeman takes the next knife from the case. The tension builds, and suddenly The Gleeman throws the knife. It flies through the air and thuds into the board on the other side of Arthur's head. Another round of applause. The Gleeman takes the final knife from the case. Tension as he takes aim... Merlin looks on. He steps into the shadows, his eyes flash, he's poised, ready to intervene magically. We go into Merlin time as The Gleeman throws the knife. It spins through the air in slow motion... The knife sticks straight into the apple. On Arthur's eyes, wide with fear. The hall erupts in applause. Merlin stands down, breathes a huge sigh of relief. Gwen is equally relieved. The dancers release Arthur from the board as The Gleeman takes a bow. Arthur grabs the handle of the knife, takes a bite of the apple as he saunters back to his seat. He throws the knife and apple to Merlin, who catches them... Arthur: See, Merlin. Nothing to worry about. The Gleeman and Geldred watch Arthur chewing the mouthful of apple as he retakes his seat next to Uther, who congratulates him warmly. The Gleeman has a quiet word with Geldred. The Gleeman (an aside): In a few hours, the sedative on the apple will start to take effect. The Prince will be defenceless. Then we will strike. 11 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Arthur's CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 1. UK. The door flies open. Arthur staggers in, followed by Merlin. The sedative is starting to take effect. Arthur's very drowsy and unsteady on his feet. Merlin: You're telling me you weren't even a little bit scared? Arthur: Of course I wasn't. I am a warrior. You learn to control your fear. To channel it... Arthur loses his balance, staggers. Merlin catches him, stops him from falling over. Merlin: You looked scared... Arthur rights himself. [Arthur: Then you are blind, as well as stupid, Merlin.] Arthur lets out an enormous yawn as he starts to undress. Arthur: It was good to see my father enjoying himself. (A worrying thought occurs) He was a little quiet toward the end of the evening. Perhaps I should go and see him. Merlin: Are you sure that's a good idea? You can barely stand up. Arthur: Are you saying I'm drunk? Merlin: I'm saying I really don't think you should be wandering around the palace. Arthur: And why is that, Merlin? Merlin: Because you're not wearing trousers. Arthur looks down and sees that he is indeed not wearing trousers, then looks back at Merlin. Arthur: Good point. [12 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Arthur's CORRIDOR) - NIGHT 1. UK. Arthur emerges from his chambers, fastening his trousers, which he finds rather difficult. He heads off down the corridor, bouncing off the walls, struggling to keep his eyes open. Merlin looks after him with concern. Merlin: Are you sure you're okay? Arthur: I'll be fine, Merlin. Get some beauty sleep. Merlin pulls a face as Arthur rounds the corner and disappears from view. Merlin: Watch out for the steps! We hear a loud crash O/S. Merlin smiles to himself, then heads off in the opposite direction.] 13 - INT. KING'S PALACE (NORTH CORRIDOR) - NIGHT 1. UK Arthur wobbles down the corridor. We now see The Gleeman is wedged onto the ceiling, braced between the two walls. The Gleeman watches Arthur disappear round the corner, then drops silently to the floor. 14 - INT. KING'S PALACE (PHOENIX CORRIDOR) - NIGHT 1. UK. Arthur lets out an enormous yawn, struggling to keep his eyes open as he passes the two guards outside the doors to Uther's chambers. He heads inside. 15 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Uther's CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 1. UK Uther lies in bed, sleeping peacefully. Arthur looks down at him. His eyes start to close as the sedative takes hold. He wobbles on his feet. Arthur forces his eyes open, slaps his face. But this only gives him a moment reprieve. He sinks into a chair. He fights the tiredness he feels sweeping over him, but it's a losing battle. 16 - INT. KING'S PALACE (PHOENIX CORRIDOR) - NIGHT 1. UK. [The two guards standing outside Uther's chambers suddenly react as they see The Gleeman standing in front of them - surprised he was able to get so close without them noticing. The Gleeman: Good evening, gentlemen. Before the guards can challenge him, we see a glint of a blade in each of The Gleeman's hands. He dispatches the guards in two swift but deadly moves. ] 17 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Uther's CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 1. UK. Arthur is drifting into sleep, struggling to focus on Uther. His head lolls. He jerks himself awake. Arthur hears a faint sound, but he is too tired to react to it. Behind Arthur, we see the door open. The Gleeman slips into the room. Arthur's oblivious. The Gleeman creeps toward Arthur. He draws a sword from his robes just as Arthur's head jerks up. Arthur catches a flash as the blade catches the candle light. Arthur draws his sword and parries the blow as The Gleeman strikes. Arthur spills out of the chair and staggers backwards. He's sleepy and disorientated, tries to call out, but his voice is weak. Arthur: Guards...! [The Gleeman: They will be of no help to you. I imagine you are feeling rather sleepy by now? The Gleeman attacks. Arthur barely manages to fight off the attack. His sword is knocked out of his hand and thrown across the room. Arthur collapses to his knees. He tries to call out, but barely manages a mumble. Arthur: Father... The Gleeman stands over Arthur. The Gleeman: It is a shame that Odin will not be here to witness your death. I will enjoy telling him how you died, kneeling before me. ] The Gleeman raises his sword, ready to strike. The Gleeman: Goodbye, Arthur Pendragon. Arthur is powerless, fears this is the end. But as The Gleeman strikes, the blow is blocked by a sword. Arthur and The Gleeman see Uther standing there, Arthur's sword in his hand. Uther: t will take more than a coward like you to kill my son. The Gleeman strikes. Uther blocks the blow. They trade a series of ferocious blows. But The Gleeman is skilled and Uther rusty. Uther is beaten back, and only narrowly avoids being killed. Arthur tries to get to his feet to go to Uther's aid, but he's too drowsy, collapses back on the floor. Uther and The Gleeman circle each other, preparing to strike. [The Gleeman: They say you have lost your mind. How does it feel, to know your Enraged, Uther attacks, but The Gleeman easily deflects the blows. The Gleeman: Uther Pendragon. The great King. Look at you. A broken man. Uther attacks, and again The Gleeman easily deflects the blows. He's cruelly toying with Uther, taunting him. ] The Gleeman: Is there anything you'd like to say to your son before I kill him? Uther looks at Arthur, kneeling, helpless. Uther's paternal instincts kick in. He attacks with a new ferocity, taking The Gleeman by surprise. Uther rains blow after blow down on The Gleeman, forcing him back. The Gleeman's sword is knocked from his hand. Uther prepares to deliver a fatal blow. [Uther: I will send Odin your head as a gift.] The Gleeman suddenly draws a knife, lunges at Uther. Uther thrusts his sword. The Gleeman's expression changes as he's impaled. He staggers backwards, collapses and dies. Arthur looks on, hugely relieved. But Uther doesn't respond. He looks weak and confused. His legs buckle. He sinks to the floor, sitting against the bed. Arthur realises something is very wrong. Arthur: Father! Uther pulls the bloody dagger from his robes, from where The Gleeman thrust it into his chest. Arthur forces himself to his feet, staggers over to Uther and drops to his knees beside him. Arthur's horrified to see blood staining Uther's robes. Both Arthur and Uther have to fight to stay conscious. Arthur: No... Guards! I will get help... Arthur goes to stand. Uther grabs his hand... Uther: Stay with me. Arthur: (to Uther) I'm here... Arthur: (cont'd) (beat, calling out) Guards! Someone! We need help! Uther: It is my time... Arthur: No... You can't die... Uther: I know you will make me proud, as you always have. You will be a great King... Arthur: I'm not ready... Uther: You have been ready for some time, Arthur... Arthur: No. I need you... Uther: I know I wasn't always a good father. I put my duty to Camelot first. I'm sorry. Arthur: Don't say that... Uther grips Arthur's hand with all his remaining strength. Uther: Know one thing. I always loved you, Arthur... With that, Uther's eyes slowly close as he loses consciousness. Arthur's horrified... [Arthur: No... Father... Father! Arthur's appalled, but barely able to focus. Arthur: No...] 18 - EXT. CAMELOT - DAY 2. FR. The sun rises over Camelot. 19 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Uther's CHAMBERS) - DAY 2. UK. Gaius is tending to Uther. He's unconscious, very weak - close to death. Arthur and Gwen look on, deeply concerned. Arthur fixes Gaius with a desperate look. Arthur: Gaius. Can you treat him? Gaius: The knife pierced an artery. He is bleeding internally. Arthur: There must be something... there must be something you can do. Please, Gaius. Gaius shakes his head. Gaius: It is just a matter of time. I am sorry, Arthur. Arthur prepares himself for the worst. [Arthur: How long - how long has he got? Gaius: I fear he will not last more than two days. Arthur can't accept that. Arthur: No... Gwen comforts Arthur. Gwen: I'm sorry. As Gwen holds him, Arthur stares at Uther, struggling to accept that he is going to die.] 20 - INT. KING'S PALACE (COUNCIL CHAMBERS) - DAY 2. UK. Sir Leon and Agravaine are reporting to Arthur, who just stares blankly, traumatised. Agravaine: We have traced the assassin back to the town of Wenham. It is in Odin's land... Agravaine: (cont'd) It seems Odin hired him to kill you, in revenge for the death of his son. Arthur barely responds as he takes this in. [Sir Leon: We believe he had an accomplice among the performers, but he has fled the city. We have doubled the guard, should there be another attempt on your life.] Again, Arthur barely responds. Agravaine takes in Arthur's despondent mood. He places a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder. Agravaine: Our thoughts are with you, Arthur. If there's anything I can do at this difficult time, you have only to ask. Arthur: Your support means a great deal to me. Thank you. Agravaine and Sir Leon head out, passing Merlin as he enters. Arthur immediately responds to Merlin's arrival. Arthur: (to Merlin) What news of my father? Merlin: There's no change. Arthur snaps. Arthur: Why isn't Gaius doing something? Merlin treads softly. Merlin: Because there's nothing he can do. Arthur knows that's true, and that is what pains him. 21 - EXT. FOREST - DAY 2. FR Agravaine rides through the forest at speed. 22 - INT. Morgana's HUT - DAY 2. UK Agravaine bursts through the door, taking Morgana by surprise. She instinctively spins, drawing a dagger and stands poised, ready to plunge it into Agravain. He gives a sly smile. Agravaine: Is that any way to greet an old friend...? Morgana lowers the dagger. Morgana: I wasn't expecting you today... Agravaine: I had to see you. I bring good news. Better news than we could ever have hoped for. Morgana reacts, curious. Morgana: What is it? Agravaine: Uther has been mortally wounded. He lies on his deathbed. Gaius says he only has days to live. Morgana smiles. Morgana: I hope the image of my face haunts him. (a sudden thought occurs) How is Arthur? Agravaine: He is devastated. The poor boy can barely think straight. Morgana smiles at this news. Morgana: We must strike while he is vulnerable. Agravaine: When Uther dies, the Kingdom will be weak. We must choose our moment carefully. Who knows what opportunities the coming weeks will bring? They share a smile. 23 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Uther's CHAMBERS) - DAY 2. UK Arthur holds a vigil beside Uther's bed. He just sits there, staring at Uther intensely. Gwen enters. [She stops as she sees Arthur, doesn't want to intrude. Gwen: I was going to change the dressing on your father's wound. I'll come back. Arthur: It's all right. Come in. Gwen crosses over to the bed. She changes the dressing on Uther's wound through the following. Gwen and Arthur catch each other's eye a few times, but given the circumstances, they are unsure what to say to each other. Arthur makes the first move.] Arthur: I appreciate your kindness, everything you are doing for him. Gwen: I do it for you. [Arthur's touched. It tips him over the edge. He turns away from Gwen to prevent her seeing how upset he is.] Gwen: Arthur? [She turns his face and is pained to see his hurt.] Arthur: I cannot see him die... [Without him, I have no one. Gwen seizes Arthur's hand. Gwen: You have many friends. And you have me. I will always be here for you. Arthur looks pained. Arthur: It is not the same... he's my father. ]There is still so much I want to say to him... He cannot die. Arthur stands and hurries out. [Gwen: Arthur. Please... Arthur exits, leaving Gwen deeply concerned for him. ] 24 - INT/EXT. KING'S PALACE (Arthur's CHAMBERS) / CAMELOT (MAIN 24 SQUARE) - NIGHT 2. UK/FR. Townspeople hold a candle-lit vigil in the Main Square. Merlin stands at the window, staring down at them. Arthur enters, crosses over and looks out of the window... Arthur: What's going on? Merlin: It is a vigil for your Father. The people wish to share their grief. Arthur frowns, unsettled. Arthur: Why are they behaving like my father is already dead? There is still life in his body... Merlin: They're preparing themselves for the worst. Arthur steels himself. Arthur: They can give up hope, but I will not. Merlin: I know it's hard to accept. I wish it wasn't so, but there is nothing more that can be done. Arthur looks thoughtful, then... Arthur: There is a way to heal my father. Merlin: How? Arthur hesitates, then fixes Merlin with a poignant look. Arthur: With magic. Merlin's stunned as he takes this in. 25 - INT. Gaius' CHAMBERS - NIGHT 2. UK. Merlin has just informed Gaius of Arthur's plan. Gaius looks concerned. Gaius: Arthur plans to use magic? Merlin: He's desperate. He knows it's the only hope he has of healing Uther. Gaius takes a moment to process the revelation, then fixes Merlin with a look. Gaius: Please tell me you're not thinking of doing this, Merlin. Merlin: I'd be lying if I said 'no'. Gaius: You can't risk exposing yourself like this. It's too dangerous. Merlin: Arthur didn't recognise me last time I was eighty years old. There's no reason why he should this time. Gaius: You seem to be forgetting that last time you used an ageing spell, you nearly got yourself burnt at the stake. Merlin: It's worth the risk. Gaius: You think Uther will thank you for healing him with magic? He'll most likely have you hanged. Merlin: Uther will never change his attitude to magic. I know that. Merlin: (cont'd) But if Arthur allows it to be used to heal his father, his attitude will be changed forever. He will see that magic can be a force for good. Gaius: You of all people should know that using such powerful magic is fraught with dangers. Merlin: If it works, I won't have to hide any more. [Arthur will come to trust me for who I really am.] Gaius: And if it doesn't? I cannot stand by and let you do this Merlin. Merlin: Don't try and stop me, because you can't. Tension Gaius and Merlin trade a poignant look. Gaius: You are playing a dangerous game, Merlin. Merlin: I've been playing a dangerous game since the first day I set foot in Camelot. Maybe this is my chance to change that. 26 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Arthur's CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 2. UK Merlin enters. Arthur's waiting impatiently. Arthur: Well. What did Gaius say? Did he have any information? Merlin: He didn't know much. But he has heard of a sorcerer. An old man. He lives in the Forest of Glaestig. Gaius thinks he may be able to help you. Arthur: Will he take me to him? Merlin: He has told me all that he knows. We will have to find him ourselves. Arthur takes this in and is suddenly daunted by the prospect of what he is about to do. Arthur: If you were me Merlin, if it was your father, would you use magic to save his life? Merlin seizes the moment, looks Arthur in the eye. Merlin: Yes. I would. I'd do whatever it took. Arthur's persuaded. Arthur: Ready the horses and gather some supplies. We ride at first light. 27 - NT. KING'S PALACE (Agravaine's CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 2. UK [Agravaine is staring out of the window. There's a knock on the door. Agravaine: Enter. ] The door opens. Arthur enters. Agravaine: Arthur. What news of your father? Arthur: I'm afraid there is still no improvement. Arthur hesitates, unsure how to express what he needs to say. Agravaine detects Arthur's hesitation. Agravaine: Is there something on your mind? Arthur: [It will be apparent soon enough]. I didn't want to go behind your back. I have decided to use magic to heal my father. Agravaine's shocked - knows he must do what he can to dissuade him. Agravaine: I must counsel against such a course of action. Arthur: There is no other way... Agravaine: Magic caused your mother's death. [My sister would still be alive today.] If you respect her memory, you cannot do this. Arthur's moved by the argument. He's torn... Arthur: Would you see my father die? Agravaine's put on the spot, but of course cannot reveal his true desires. Agravaine: Perhaps it is his time. Arthur cannot accept that. Arthur: I know we have both suffered because of magic, but I cannot stand by and let my father die. My mind is made up. 28 - EXT. CAMELOT - DAY 3. FR The sun rises over Camelot. [29 - EXT. FOREST OF GLAESTIG - DAY 3. UK Merlin and Arthur ride up to a fork in the path. Merlin stops. He's uncertain which path to take. Arthur's unimpressed. Arthur: You're lost, aren't you Merlin? Merlin: No. I'm just getting my bearings. Merlin: (cont'd) (choosing a path) It's this way... Through the trees, Arthur spots a hut off the other path (it is the same charcoal maker's hut we saw in episode 2). Arthur: So what's that hut over there? Merlin sees the hut, realises he was about to take the wrong path, attempts to cover. Merlin: Right. I was going to take this path and loop round. Or, we can go this way. Arthur reacts, disbelieving. Arthur and Merlin ride toward the hut.] 30 - EXT. CHARCOAL-MAKER'S HUT - DAY 3. UK Arthur and Merlin dismount. Arthur eyes the hut curiously. Arthur: Are you sure this is the right place? It looks like a charcoal maker's hut. Merlin: The old man can hardly make a living by practising magic. I think a lot of sorcerers are in the charcoal business. Arthur doesn't look entirely convinced by this as he walks up to the front door. Merlin looks round, wondering how he's going to work the deception. Arthur realises Merlin hasn't followed him. Arthur: Are you joining me, Merlin? Merlin: We don't want to overwhelm him. He probably doesn't get many visitors. I'll stay out here and watch the horses. Arthur: I have never met anyone who is so scared so often. Scream like a big girl if there's any trouble. Merlin: Don't worry. You'll hear me. Arthur shakes his head, disbelieving, as he turns and knocks on the door. 31 - INT. CHARCOAL-MAKER'S HUT - DAY 3. UK The door opens. Arthur peers in. Arthur: Hello...? Arthur looks round the hut. There's no one there. 32 - EXT. CHARCOAL-MAKER'S HUT - DAY 3. UK Merlin's hurrying into the trees when Arthur re-emerges from the hut. Arthur: There's no one here. Are you sure this is the right place? Merlin: I'm absolutely certain of it. I'm sure he'll be back soon. Arthur: How d'you know when he'll be back? Merlin: He's a doddery old man. He can't have gone far. If you want his help, you'll just have to wait for him to return. Arthur suddenly takes in that Merlin was heading off into the trees. Arthur: Where are you sneaking off to? Merlin's put on the spot, thinks on his feet. Merlin: I need to pee. Arthur's disturbed by the revelation. Merlin: So unless you want to watch me, you should wait inside the hut. Arthur: Why would I want to watch you? Merlin gestures toward the hut. Merlin: There's the hut. Make yourself at home. Arthur eyes Merlin suspiciously, then turns and heads back inside the hut. Merlin reacts, exasperated. He hurries behind a tree. He peers out to check that Arthur hasn't re- emerged, then focuses as he starts to incant the transformation spell. Merlin: Miht dagena, bepecce me. Adeaglie pisne gast min freondum ond min feondum! 33 - INT. CHARCOAL-MAKER'S HUT - DAY 3. UK Arthur pokes around at a few dusty old bottles and pots on the table. In doing so, he knocks over a bottle, which in turn knocks a pot off the table. It falls to the floor and smashes. Arthur grimaces. Oops. He quickly kicks the pieces of broken pottery under the table to conceal them. Arthur hears a sound outside. Someone's approaching the hut. Arthur steps away from the table. Arthur tenses as the door opens. Arthur reacts, stunned as Old Merlin enters... Arthur: You? Old Merlin looks back at Arthur. Old Merlin: We meet again, Arthur Pendragon. Arthur instinctively reaches for the hilt of his sword. Old Merlin reacts to the move... Old Merlin: So you have come to kill me? Arthur eyes Old Merlin warily, uncertain how to proceed. Arthur: No. That wasn't my intention. Old Merlin hears a crunch as he steps on some broken pot. He looks down at it. Arthur grimaces... Arthur: I broke a pot. Old Merlin: You always were a clumsy fool. Arthur: Excuse me? Old Merlin: So if you haven't come to kill me, what is it that brings you here? I take it you didn't come all this way just to smash my favourite pot? Arthur: If I'd known who you were, I would not have come at all. Seeing how difficult this is for Arthur, Old Merlin helps him out. Old Merlin: I thought you may have come to ask me to use magic to heal your father? Arthur's taken aback. Arthur: How did you know? Old Merlin: I know more than you could possibly comprehend. Arthur: Given your hatred for my father and all that he stands for, I have clearly had a wasted journey. Old Merlin: Do not suppose that you know my mind. Arthur fixes Old Merlin with a desperate look. Arthur: Will you help me? Old Merlin: You are asking me to save the life of the man that would have me executed. Arthur: I know what I am asking of you. And you have no reason to help me. But... You are my father's only hope. I will give you anything you ask. Land, gold - name your price. Old Merlin: I do not want your gold. All I have ever wanted is that people like me are allowed to live in peace. That those who practice magic are accepted, rather than hunted. That is all I ask. Arthur's unsure he can meet the demand. Old Merlin: That is the price of your father's life. Arthur rises to the moment. Arthur: You have my solemn word, that when I am King, things will be different. You will not have to live in fear. Old Merlin takes this in, moved by the declaration. Old Merlin: Then I will help you. Arthur's suddenly filled with hope. Arthur: There is not a moment to spare. We must ride for Camelot immediately. Old Merlin's caught out. Old Merlin: Now? Arthur: My father grows weaker by the hour. Old Merlin blusters, searching for an excuse. Old Merlin: But I have no horse. Arthur: You can have Merlin's horse. He will have to walk. Old Merlin's outraged. Old Merlin: You would make your poor servant walk back to Camelot? I've a good mind not to help you. Arthur: I don't care whose horse you have. We have to get to Camelot before it's too late. Old Merlin: (thinking on his feet) First, I will need to gather some rare herbs. They are an essential part of the cure. I shall come to Camelot at nightfall. If you want my help, that is how it needs to be. Arthur feels he can't push any further. Arthur: I will meet you at the lower gate outside the town... Give me your word that you will come. Old Merlin: You have my word. Old Merlin pauses as he attempts to figure out how to handle the transformation back into his youthful self without being caught. Old Merlin: Now just wait here one moment. Arthur: Why? Old Merlin: Questions. So many questions. For once in your life, will you just do as you're told? Arthur feels chastised. Arthur: All right. [I'll wait here]. Old Merlin hurries out. 34 - EXT. CHARCOAL-MAKER'S HUT - DAY 3. UK. Old Merlin emerges from the hut and hurries into the trees. Old Merlin hides behind the same tree as before and takes out a vial of liquid. 35 - INT. CHARCOAL-MAKER'S HUT - DAY 3. UK Arthur kicks his heals. He soon grows impatient of waiting and heads out. 36 - EXT. CHARCOAL-MAKER'S HUT - DAY 3. UK. Arthur emerges and looks round. There's no sign of Merlin, or Old Merlin. Arthur grows uneasy and reaches for the hilt of his sword as he scans the trees. Arthur: Merlin...? Silence. A crack of twigs. Arthur spins round. Merlin emerges from behind the tree, once again his youthful self. Arthur's suspicious. Arthur: What were you doing? Merlin's put on the spot. Merlin: Peeing. Arthur: (disturbed) You mean to say you've been peeing all the time I was in there? Merlin's forced to nod. Merlin: I really needed to go. Arthur: There is definitely something very wrong with you, Merlin. Arthur turns to mount his horse. Merlin breathes a sigh of relief that the deception was successful. 41 - INT. Gaius' CHAMBERS - DAY 3. UK [scène déplacée au montage par rapport au script original] Merlin enters. Gaius is relieved to see him. Gaius: Merlin. I was worried something had gone wrong. Merlin: Apart from Arthur thinking that there is something very wrong with my bladder, everything went to plan. Merlin starts to search the shelves, taking various books down. Gaius looks on with concern. Gaius: I take it this means you're going through with it? Merlin: If I heal Uther, Arthur has given me his word that when he is King, magic will no longer be outlawed. This could change everything. Gaius: And if something goes wrong? What of Arthur's attitude to magic then? Merlin stops and looks at Gaius. Merlin: I live with the risk of being exposed every day. If I don't take this opportunity, maybe I'll spend the rest of my life having to hide who I really am. Everyone's always telling me I have this great destiny. Maybe this is it. I have to try. Gaius can't bring himself to argue. Merlin gathers up the books and heads into his room. Gaius looks thoughtful as he stares after him. 37 - INT. Morgana'S HUT - DAY 3. UK Agravaine gives the news to Morgana. Agravaine: Arthur has gone to consult with a sorcerer. He means to use magic to heal Uther. A determined expression comes over Morgana's face. Morgana: Then we must see to it that he fails. Open on a small fire in the grate. Morgana stands over it. In her hands she holds a tiny silver charm. She casts it into the fire and her eyes glow a deep amber as she incants a spell. Morgana: Seolforpræd apringe winstra, apringe yfele, apringe wip ealle gode cræfte. Suddenly, the flames flare, the firelight dances in her eyes. Agravain looks on, in awe. Morgana takes a pair of tongs and pulls the charm from the raging fire. She turns to Agravain and drops the charm before him. He instinctively reaches out and catches it, before realising the danger of what he has just done. He reacts with surprise. Agravaine: It's cold... Morgana: I have bound it to the left hand path. He holds up the charm, impressed. Morgana: You must place the charm around Uther's neck. Agravaine: What will it do to him? Morgana: The force of any healing magic will be reversed, and magnified tenfold. Morgana: (cont'd) By trying to cure his father, Arthur will seal his fate. Agravaine looks grave as he takes this in. Agravaine: Arthur will never forgive himself. He will be destroyed. Morgana: And a broken Prince will make a terrible King. [38 - EXT. CAMELOT (MAIN SQUARE) - DAY 3. FR Arthur and Merlin dismount. Merlin hurries off. Arthur: Where are you going? Merlin's put on the spot. Merlin: I have some errands to run for Gaius. Arthur: They'll have to wait. I want you to prepare hot water, fresh bandages and anything else you think we might need. Everything has to be ready for this evening. Merlin heads off, daunted by the growing list of things he has to do. [SCENE_BREAK] 39 - INT. KING'S PALACE (PHOENIX CORRIDOR) - DAY 3. UK. Arthur hurries towards Uther's chambers. Two guards flank the doors. 40 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Uther'S CHAMBERS) - DAY 3. UK Arthur enters. Gwen is tending to Uther. He crosses over to the bed and looks down at Uther. Arthur: How is he? Gwen: His breath is weaker. Gaius has given him wintergreen to make him more comfortable. Arthur takes this in. Gwen's curious. Gwen: I saw you and Merlin riding out. Where have you been? Arthur's torn about whether to confide in Gwen. She sees his indecision. Gwen: Arthur? Arthur decides he must tell Gwen. Arthur: I don't want to have any secrets from you.] 42 - INT. Gaius' CHAMBERS (Merlin'S ROOM) - DAY 3. UK. [Merlin sits on his bed]. He looks through a book, but fails to find what he's looking for. He tosses it aside in frustration, picks up another book and starts to go through it. Again, he fails to find what he's looking for. Merlin sits there, frustrated. There's a knock on the door. Merlin looks up as Gaius enters. Merlin looks downcast. Merlin: I gave Arthur my word that I could heal Uther. I can't even find the right spell. Gaius: That's because you're looking in the wrong books. Here... Gaius holds out a small leather tome, which Merlin takes. Gaius: Gwillem of Cambria was as mad as a coot, but there has never been a better healer. Merlin smiles. This means a lot to him. Gaius makes to leave. Merlin: Gaius. Thank you. Merlin and Gaius share an affectionate look. 46 - KING'S PALACE (Uther'S CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 3. UK [scène déplacée au montage par rapport au script original] Agravaine enters. He sees Gwen tending to Uther, mopping his brow. Agravain crosses to the bed, exchanges a faint smile with Gwen. Agravaine: It is cold today. Perhaps it would be a good idea to start a fire. Gwen: Of course. Gwen crosses over to light the fire. Agravaine waits until Gwen has her back turned and is preoccupied with the fire. He takes a small cloth bundle from his tunic. He unwraps it and takes out the tiny silver charm, which glows with a magical light. Agravain glances over at Gwen, then quickly and carefully ties the charm around Uther's neck. He ensures it is carefully tucked out of sight in Uther's robes. Agravaine: (sotto) Finally, you will get all that you deserve, old friend. Agravaine looks down at Uther for a poignant beat, then heads out. Go out on Uther, lying in bed. [43 - EXT. KING'S PALACE (PHOENIX CORRIDOR) - DAY 3. UK Arthur has just told Gwen of his plans. She looks shocked. Gwen: You're going to use magic? Arthur nods, solemn. Arthur: It is my father's only hope. Gwen looks worried, but doesn't voice her concerns. Arthur sees her hesitation. Arthur: You think I'm mad, don't you? Gwen: No. Who am I to say what you should do? Arthur: And yet it is your opinion I value above all others. Gwen: I'm flattered, but perhaps I'm not the best person to ask. If it weren't for sorcery, my own father would still be alive. Arthur nods, solemn. Arthur: Of course. My mother also died because of magic. Arthur stares out over Camelot. Arthur: Magic has cast a shadow over my life from the moment I was born. Perhaps it is time to step out from under that shadow. I don't believe everyone who practices magic is evil. Gwen Perhaps that is true. Arthur: Then isn't it time we stopped treating them like they are? Sometimes I feel our judgement has been clouded by hate, and fear. Gwen That is a courageous attitude. Arthur: I'm not sure if it's courageous, or foolish. I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing. Gwen: You are not a fool, Arthur. You have a good heart. And good instincts. You have to trust those instincts. Sometimes that is all any of us can do. Arthur nods as he takes this in.] 44 - INT. Gaius' CHAMBERS (Merlin'S ROOM) - NIGHT 3. UK Gaius hands Merlin a small pouch of hogswart. Gaius: You must use no more than four drops. Any more could be dangerous. Merlin nods. He takes one final look at the spell. Merlin: I just hope I can make the spell work. Gaius: Trust in your abilities, Merlin. Merlin's grateful for the reassurance. Arthur: (O.S.) Merlin? Gaius and Merlin exchange a worried look. Merlin: (low) You have to get rid of him. Arthur: (O.S.) Merlin!? 45 - INT. Gaius' CHAMBERS - NIGHT 3. UK Gaius emerges from Merlin's room. Gaius: Arthur... Arthur: Gaius. Have you seen my useless toad of a servant? Gaius I'm afraid not. Arthur: Where on earth can he be? Gaius is put on the spot. Gaius: Have you tried the tavern? Arthur's enraged. Arthur: The tavern. Of course. I am going to make him wish he was never born. Arthur heads out. A moment later, Merlin emerges from his room. He fixes Gaius with a look of outrage. Merlin: Why did you tell him I was in the tavern? Gaius It was the first thing that popped into my head. Merlin: Next time, go for the second, or third thing that pops into your head. Anything but the tavern. Gaius nods, smiles faintly, then turns more serious. Gaius: Good luck, Merlin. Merlin and Gaius share a poignant look, then Merlin heads out. Gaius stares after him, deeply worried. 47 - EXT. CAMELOT (STREET) - NIGHT 3. FR Arthur waits impatiently by the lower gate. He hears a sound and spins round to see Old Merlin emerging from the darkness. Arthur: I'd started to think you weren't coming. Old Merlin: I gave you my word. And here I am. Arthur: We must hurry. Arthur heads off, away from the palace, taking Old Merlin by surprise. Old Merlin: I'm led to believe that the King's Palace is that way? Arthur: I can hardly be seen walking through the main gate with a known sorcerer. Old Merlin: So you are already going back on your word. You promised that I would no longer have to live in fear. Arthur: You're forgetting that you have yet to heal my father. When you have, I will give you all that I promised. Old Merlin takes this in. They head off. 48 - INT. CAMELOT (TUNNELS) - NIGHT 3. FR Arthur hurries through the dark, damp passage. He turns to see Old Merlin lagging behind and reacts with frustration. Arthur waits for Old Merlin to catch up. When he arrives, Old Merlin is out of breath. Arthur: Is that really as fast as you can walk? Old Merlin: When you are as old as I, we will see how fast you can walk. I need to rest a moment. Arthur: There's no time. Old Merlin: Then perhaps you should carry me? Arthur: Fine. If it means we get there quicker, I'll carry you. Arthur turns. Old Merlin hops onto his back. Arthur heads off. Old Merlin kicks him with his heals, as you would a horse. Arthur stops, outraged... Arthur: Did you just kick me? Old Merlin: Now who's wasting time? Arthur staggers on, disgruntled. Old Merlin kicks Arthur again, enjoying himself... Arthur: Stop kicking me! 50 - INT. KING'S PALACE (GRIFFIN CORRIDOR) - NIGHT 3. FR Arthur approaches the guards outside Uther's chambers. Arthur: You're dismissed. The guards hesitate, surprised by the order. Guard: But, Sire. We were instructed not to leave our post. Arthur: I said you're dismissed. Guard: Yes, my Lord. The guards head off. Arthur waits until they've disappeared round the corner, then gives a nod. Old Merlin hobbles out of the shadows. Arthur ushers Old Merlin into Uther's chambers, then follows him inside and closes the door. 51 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Uther'S CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 3. UK Uther lies in bed, barely breathing. Arthur grows increasingly anxious as he watches Old Merlin placing four drops of hogswart on Uther's lips. Old Merlin takes a branch of sage and holds it over Uther. Old Merlin psyches himself up. His eyes start to glow. Arthur cracks... Arthur: Wait! Old Merlin stands down, looks at Arthur. Old Merlin: Is something wrong? Arthur: My father has taught me never to trust magic, and now I am using it to save him. Old Merlin: Your own life has been saved by magic more times than you can possibly imagine. Arthur: What on earth are you talking about? Old Merlin realises it would be dangerous to elaborate. Old Merlin: I merely mean to say that magic is all around you. It is woven into the very fabric of the world. Arthur's unsettled. Arthur: How can I be sure it is the right thing to do? Old Merlin: I know you have suffered because of magic, as many have. But not all magic, and not all sorcerers are the same. I wish only to show you that magic can be used for good. I hope that one day you'll see me in a different light. Arthur's moved by the argument. Arthur and Old Merlin trade stares for a poignant beat, then Arthur nods and steps back. Old Merlin turns to Uther, psyches himself up then holds up the sage branch. Old Merlin's eyes glow. The sage branch begins to smoke. Old Merlin wafts the incense over Uther and begins to chant, with increasing intensity... Old Merlin: Efencume ætgædre, eala gastas cræftige: gestricie pis lic forod. Old Merlin completes the spell. Silence. The tension rises as Arthur looks at Uther, desperately hoping to see some signs of life. For a moment, it looks like the spell has failed. Old Merlin grows anxious. Suddenly, Uther's eyes snap open. Arthur's thrilled. Arthur: Father... Arthur and Uther clinch hands. Uther manages a weak smile. Uther: Arthur... Old Merlin allows himself a smile, overcome with relief. But as Uther looks up at Arthur, his expression suddenly contorts in pain. His breath starts to fail. Arthur reacts, alarmed. Arthur: What's happening!? Old Merlin's equally alarmed. Old Merlin: I don't know... Uther's fading fast. His eyes close. He goes still. Arthur: Do something! Old Merlin feels for a pulse. There isn't one. Old Merlin reels, meets Arthur's stare. Old Merlin: He's dead. Arthur struggles to accept this... Arthur: No... He can't be... (shaking Uther) Father... Father!?... No... Please... Father... All Old Merlin can do is look on, horrified. Arthur realises the futility of his actions. He gives up, stares at Uther, his mind swimming. He suddenly turns on Old Merlin more hurt and angry that we have ever seen him. Arthur: What have you done? Old Merlin: This was not supposed to happen. Arthur: You gave me your word. You have killed him... You killed him. Old Merlin: No... Arthur draws his sword and advances on Old Merlin. Arthur: You will die for what you have done. Old Merlin's eyes flash as he thrusts his hand out. [Old Merlin: Hleap on bæc! ] Arthur flies backwards into the wall and falls to the floor, momentarily stunned. Old Merlin flees. Arthur takes a moment to come to his senses. [Arthur: Guards! ] 52 - EXT. CAMELOT (MAIN SQUARE) - NIGHT 3. FR The warning bell rings out across the moonlit square. 53 - INT. KING'S PALACE (GRIFFIN CORRIDOR) - NIGHT 3. FR Old Merlin hurries down the corridor as fast as his old legs will carry him. He hears the sound of guards approaching. Old Merlin ducks into a stairwell, takes out a little bottle of potion and downs it. 54 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Uther'S CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 3. UK Merlin hurries in. He sees Gaius standing over the bed, and Arthur and Gwen looking on, traumatised. Merlin struggles to accept what he's seeing as Gaius gently closes Uther's eyes and pulls a sheet over his face. Gaius turns to Arthur. Gaius: I'm sorry, Arthur. There is nothing more I can do. The King is dead. [Arthur instinctively shakes his head, unable to accept this. Gwen places a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder, really feeling for him, but lost for words. Gwen: Arthur... Gaius catches Merlin's eye. They trade a horrified look.] 55 - INT. Gaius' CHAMBERS - NIGHT 3. UK Merlin and Gaius enter Gaius' chambers. Merlin: The spell was working. I'm sure of it. I did everything right. I don't know what happened. Gaius: I think I do. Gaius opens his hand to reveal the small silver charm. It twinkles magically. Gaius: I found it around Uther's neck. It appears as though it's been enchanted and such an enchantment would have reversed the effects of your healing spell. Uther didn't stand a chance. Merlin suddenly suspects who is responsible. Merlin: Morgana... Gaius: I believe so. [Merlin: How did she get past the guards? Gaius: Perhaps it wasn't Morgana who placed the charm around Uther's neck. Merlin: You think it was Agravaine? Gaius: I fear so.] Merlin frowns as he takes this in. [56 - EXT. Morgana'S HUT - NIGHT 3. UK Agravaine gallops up, dismounts and hurries inside.] 57- INT. Morgana'S HUT - DAY 4. UK Agravaine enters and finds Morgana staring contemplatively at the fire. Morgana speaks before Agravain can deliver his exciting news. Morgana: Uther's dead, isn't he? Agravaine: (confused) How did you know? Morgana: I felt it. I felt his pain. Agravaine's surprised by Morgana's muted reaction. Agravaine: I thought Uther's death would be cause for a celebration? Morgana: Arthur will replace him. There is nothing to celebrate until I take my rightful place on the throne. Agravaine: You are closer to that goal than you think. Arthur is young, and untested. He will look to his trusted uncle for counsel. And I will ensure he fails. Morgana and Agravaine share a thin smile. 58 - INT. KING'S PALACE (Arthur'S CHAMBERS) - NIGHT 4. UK [Arthur stares out of the window, struggling to process his emotions.] Merlin approaches. Arthur looks round and sees Merlin standing there. Merlin: I am so sorry. Arthur absorbs the sympathy. Merlin struggles to express what he's feeling. Merlin: I... I should've... I wish there was something I could have done. Arthur: Merlin. No one but me is to blame for this. Merlin: You're not to blame. This isn't your fault. Arthur: I am entirely to blame. My father spent twenty years fighting sorcery. To think I knew better. I was so arrogant. My arrogance has cost my father his life. Merlin: You were only doing what you thought was right. I'm sure that old sorcerer meant no harm. Perhaps the spell went wrong. Uther was dying. Maybe nothing could have saved him... Arthur: We'll never know. All I know for sure is that I have lost both my parents to magic. It is pure evil. I will never lose sight of that again. Arthur's makes to leave. [Merlin: Arthur... ] But Arthur's already at the door and what else can Merlin say? 59 - INT. KING'S PALACE (THRONE ROOM) - NIGHT 4. FR Arthur enters the mighty room where Uther is lying in state. [There is a raised dais in the centre of the space. Uther lies on it, surrounded by candles. Arthur begins the long, lonely walk to Uther's side. ] [Merlin and Gaius watch from the doorway. Arthur reaches the dais. ]He stares down at Uther's serene and peaceful face. [And as he stares, Arthur starts to cry. Looking on, Merlin's devastated by the thought of what he has done. 60 - INT. KING'S PALACE (ANTE CHAMBER) - NIGHT 4. FR Gaius closes the doors to the Throne Room. ] Gaius: We must leave him to mourn. Gaius takes in Merlin's shell shocked expression. Gaius: Merlin..? Merlin: This is all my fault. I killed him. Gaius: You didn't kill Uther. Morgana did. Uther's spirit died when she broke his heart. Merlin takes this in. Gaius: We must look to the future. Uther's death will allow Arthur's progression to the throne. Gaius: (cont'd) We must hope it brings peace and stability to the land. Merlin: But magic will still be outlawed. Gaius nods sadly. Merlin: I have turned Arthur against magic forever. I'll never be able to show him who I really am. Gaius: That time will come. I'm sure of it. Arthur will be under even more pressure now he is King. He will need you now more than ever. Merlin takes that in. He knows it's true. Gaius: There is nothing more to be done. Come and eat your supper. Merlin: I think I'll wait here. Gaius takes this in, touched by Merlin's devotion. Gaius heads off, leaving Merlin to wait with a heavy heart. 61- INT. KING'S PALACE (THRONE ROOM) - NIGHT 4. FR Arthur stares at Uther. Tears streak down Arthur's face. 62 - EXT. CAMELOT - DAY 5. FR. The sun rises over Camelot. The start of a beautiful day. 63 - INT. KING'S PALACE (ANTE CHAMBER) - DAY 5. FR Sunlight streams in through the windows. It falls on Merlin [is lying on the floor, fast asleep.] Arthur: (O.S.) Merlin? [Merlin wakes, comes to his senses. ]He sees Arthur standing over him. Arthur has dried his eyes. He is calm and composed, almost serene. They trade stares, then Arthur looks at the light flooding in through the window - in a contemplative mood. Arthur: It is a new day. Merlin takes this in, nods, then stands. Arthur: Have you been out here all night? Merlin: I didn't want you to feel you were alone. Arthur: (touched) You're a loyal friend, Merlin. Merlin and Arthur trade a look. Arthur: You must be hungry? Merlin: Starving. Arthur: Me too... Come on. You can make us some breakfast. Merlin and Arthur head off down the corridor, side by side. 64 - EXT. CAMELOT - DAY 6. FR Establishing. 65 - INT. KING'S PALACE (THRONE ROOM) - DAY 6. FR The Throne Room is packed with courtiers. An air of excitement and anticipation fills the room. We take in the presence of Merlin, Gaius, Gwen, Agravaine, Percival, Sir Leon, Gwaine and Elyan... Arthur kneels. Geoffrey of Monmouth stands before him. Geoffrey of Monmouth: Will you solemnly promise and swear to govern the Peoples of Camelot according to their respective laws and customs? Arthur: I solemnly promise so to do. Geoffrey of Monmouth: Will you to your power cause Law and Justice, in Mercy, to be executed in all your judgements? Arthur: I will. Geoffrey of Monmouth places a crown upon Arthur's head. Geoffrey of Monmouth: Then by the sacred laws vested in me, I pronounce you Arthur, King of Camelot! Arthur stands and looks out over the courtiers. He catches Gwen's eye and they share a poignant look. Agravaine: Long live the King! Everyone joins in the chant. ALL: Long live the King! Go out on Merlin, shouting - proud, moved by the huge significance of the moment. Merlin/ALL: Long live the King! *Ends*	Plan: A: the prince's birthday celebrations; Q: What is the mighty citadel buzzing in anticipation of? A: Odin; Q: Who is Arthur's old adversary? A: Camelot; Q: What is devastated by the assassin's attack? A: a deadly assassin; Q: What lurks among the guests at Arthur's birthday party? A: the dust; Q: What settles in Camelot after Odin's attack? A: Merlin; Q: Who is prepared to risk everything to put things right? A: his secret; Q: What would Merlin risk everything to reveal? Summary: The mighty citadel is buzzing in anticipation of the prince's birthday celebrations. But Arthur's old adversary, Odin, promises to ensure this is one party Camelot will never forget. For amongst the assembling guests lurks a deadly assassin, set to strike. As the dust settles, Camelot is left devastated. But just how far is Merlin prepared to go to put things right? Would he really risk everything and reveal his secret?
Teleplay by: Zachary Rosenblatt Story by: Brian Buckner & Sebastian Jones [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.] Ross: Hi. Rachel: Hi! Hi Ben! Ben: Hi. Ross: Hi, we have a little bathroom emergency. Rachel: Oh, yeah go ahead. (Ben starts to go, but Ross stops him.) Ross: Uh, before we do uh, are any of Joey's special romance magazines in there? Rachel: No. No. Ross: (to Ben) Okay! All clear! Ben: (running to the bathroom) Thanks Phoebe! Rachel: Ben, it's Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever. Ross: (to Ben) Everything okay in there? Ben: Don't talk to me now! Rachel: Awww, just like his daddy. Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The dean's office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour? Rachel: What-what about Monica? Ross: Oh, she isn't home. Rachel: (nervous) So it would just be me alone? Ross: Well, Ben would be there. Rachel: Huh umm... Ross: What's the matter? Rachel: Well that-y'know it's just uh, I've never done that before. Me and him alone. Ross: Rach, he's not an ex-con. Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, what do I, what do I do with him? Ross: I don't know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive. Rachel: Okay. Ross: Okay. (Ben enters) Ben? Come here. All right, I'm gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay? Rachel: Yeah I think so. Ross: (To Rachel) I wasn't talking to you. Ben: I'll be okay. Ross: Okay, I'll see you soon buddy. (He hugs and kisses him.) Be back in an hour. Ben: Bye dad. Rachel: Bye. (Ross exits.) Ahhh... (Silence) So this is fun, huh? Ben: Not really. Rachel: Okay. Uh, want something-want something to drink? Ben: Okay. Rachel: Uh great! How do you feel about Diet Coke? Ben: I'm not allowed to have soda. Rachel: Okay. Well that's pretty much all that we have-Oh! Oh! Have you ever had a virgin margarita? (Holds up a bottle of margarita mix.) Ben: What's a virgin? Rachel: Water it is. Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.] Monica: What about the second minister we met with? I kinda liked him. Chandler: You mean the spitter? Monica: Come on! It wasn't that bad! Chandler: Easy for you to say; you'll be wearing a veil. Monica: All right, what about the third guy? Chandler: You mean the guy who kept staring at your chest? Monica: Can you blame him? Chandler: Sorry, I just don't like the idea of when I say "I do," he's thinking, "Yeah, I'd do her too!" Monica: Well then we still have a problem. Chandler: Yeah! Phoebe: (returning with Joey) With what? Monica: Well, we're trying to find someone to perform our wedding and they're all either boring or annoying or y'know, can't stop staring at the ladies. (Points to her chest.) (Joey nods his approval.) Phoebe: Oo! You should have one of us do it! Monica: Phoebe, we're getting married, married; not sixth grade married. Phoebe: No! No! It's-it's uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perform like weddings and stuff! Monica: Are you serious? Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and it's totally legal! Joey: I call it!! Phoebe: What?! No! It was my idea! Chandler: Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us. Joey: Does calling it not mean anything anymore?! Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva! [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.] Rachel: Ben y'know when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. 'Cause I was, I was your daddy's girlfriend. Ben: But you're not anymore! Rachel: No, I'm not. Ben: 'Cause you guys were on a break. Rachel: Hey! We were not on a-Okay. That's fine! Fine. Y'know what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay? Ben: When's my daddy coming back? Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes. (Pause) So no-no brothers and sisters, huh? That must be nice. You don't have to share stuff. Ben: Sharing is good. Rachel: Oh, you're one of those. But y'know what? I have two sisters of my own and we just-just tortured each other. Ben: Really? Like how? Rachel: Well y'know, we would umm, repeat everything the other said, or uh, we'd jump out of closets to scare each other, or switch the sugar for the salt so they'd put salt on their cereal. Ben: (laughs) That's a good one. Rachel: Yeah? You like that one? Ben: Yeah, you're funny. Rachel: I'm funny? Oh thank God! Well hey, I've got a ton of these! Umm, oh here-Do you want a good one? Here's a good one. Umm, you uh, you take a quarter, take a quarter and, and you blacken the edge. Right? (Does so.) And then you say to person, I bet you can't roll this quarter from your forehead to your chin without it leaving your face. And then when they do it, they're left with a big black pencil line right down the center of their face. Ben: Can I do it to you? Rachel: Yeah, I-I-I-I'm funny Ben, but I'm not stupid. Okay? [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch as Joey enters.] Joey: So, did you uh, find anyone to marry you guys yet? Chandler: No, but Horny for Monica Minister called, wanting to know if we were still together. Monica: We're never gonna find anybody. Joey: Well then let me do it! Chandler: Joe... Joey: No-no-no! Look, I've been thinking about it. I'm an actor right? So I won't get nervous talking in front of people. Monica: Joey look it's really sweet... Joey: No-no-no-no look no! I won't spit, and I won't stare at Monica's breasts! Y'know? Everyone knows I'm an ass man! Monica: That is true. Joey: Yeah and the most important thing is that it won't be some like, stranger up there who barely knows you. It'll be me! And I swear I'll do a really good job. Plus, y'know I love you guys and-and it would really mean a lot to me. Chandler: (To Monica) Y'know, we haven't found anybody else. Monica: It might be kinda cool. Joey: So I can do it? Chandler: Yeah you can do it. Joey: All right!!! Okay!! All right! Okay-okay, I gotta get started on my speech! Oh, wait a minute, Internet ministers can still have sx right? Chandler: Yeah. Joey: Okay. (Phoebe enters slowly.) Monica: Hey Pheebs, how's it going? Phoebe: Oh, I have a headache. A horrible headache! Monica: Oh, I'm sorry. Can I get you something? Phoebe: Oh my God, you've got to stop chattering! Monica: Here, take a couple of these. (She gets up to grab a couple of pills.) Phoebe: What is it? Monica: It's Hexadrin. Phoebe: Oh no, I don't believe in Western medicine. No, if you just apply pressure to these points right here. (She's pinching the bit of skin between her right thumb and forefinger with her left hand.) Then your hand starts to hurt and you still have a headache, so thanks. (Takes the pills.) Monica: Okay, while we're waiting for these pills to kick in, I'm gonna sit you down on the couch. Come on. (Phoebe gets up and goes with her.) Get some nice soft pillows under your head, I'm gonna turn the TV on and you can watch whatever you want. And I'm-Sit down-(She sits down on the couch)-gonna make you some tea. And then, I'm gonna rub your feet. Phoebe: Oh. Joey: Oh! My head! Oh! (He's sitting on the chair, lies back, and puts his feet up for Monica to rub.) Oh! [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is reading and there is knock on the door which she answers.] Rachel: Coming. (She opens the door to reveal Ross with a pencil mark from his forehead to his chin.) Ross: I have a bone to pick with you. Rachel: Uh-oh. Ross: Yes! Ben learned a little trick. Rachel: Oh yeah? Did he pull the old... (She is waving her hand up and down her face. She's thinking about the pencil mark.) Ross: That's right! That's right! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat so the pee goes everywhere! Rachel: Oh that. Ross: Yeah that! You know I hate practical jokes! They're mean and they're stupid and-and I don't want my son learning them! Rachel: Oh, come on! Saran Wrap on the toilet seat, you don't think that's just a little funny?! Ross: I was barefoot. Now tell me, the toilet thing is the only thing you taught him right? Rachel: (looking at his mark) Yes. [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica are there.] Phoebe: It's amazing! My headache is completely gone! What are those pills called? Monica: Hexadrin. (She gets the box out of her purse.) Phoebe: Oh, I love you Hexadrin! (She kisses the box.) Oh look! It comes with a story! (She pulls out the instructions and side effects paper.) Monica: No Phoebe, those are like the side effects and stuff. Phoebe: Say what? Monica: Y'know, the possible side effects. Phoebe: Oh my God! (Starts reading them.) Dizziness, nervousness, drowsiness, facial swelling, nausea, headache-Headache. Vomiting, stomach bleeding, liver damage! Now okay, I don't recall any of this coming up when you gave me these little death capsules! Oh I'm sorry, extra strength death capsules! Monica: Phoebe, relax none of that stuff ever happens! They just put it on there for legal reasons! Phoebe: Why? Monica: In case it happens. Joey: (entering) Hey! Chandler: Hey! Joey: Say hello to Reverend Joey Tribbiani! (Holds up the piece of paper bearing the proof of his ordination.) Chandler: Hey! Monica: You did it! You got ordained?! Joey: Yeah, I just got off the Internet! Man, there is a lot of p0rn out there! Chandler: Our minister... Phoebe: I have liver damage. Ow! Oh! (She grabs the left side of her torso.) Monica: Phoebe, your liver is right here. (She points to the right side of her torso.) Phoebe: Okay, then I must be disoriented. Joey: Anyway, I started working on what I'm going to say for the ceremony, do you wanna hear it? Chandler: Okay. Monica: Yeah! Joey: Now-now, listen this is just a first draft so... (Starts to read the piece of paper he brought.) "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share." (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) "It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving." (Phoebe nods her approval.) "We too can share and love and have and receive." Chandler: (To Monica) Should we call the spitter? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Carol and Susan's, there is a knock on the door and Carol opens it to reveal Rachel.] Carol: Hey Rachel! (The camera cuts to her face and we see that Ben pulled the quarter trick with her as well.) Rachel: Hi! Carol: What a nice surprise! What are you doing here? Rachel: Well y'know I was just in the neighborhood and I passed by your building and I thought to myself, "What's up with Carol and sweet, little Ben?" Carol: Can I ask what-Come on in. Rachel: Okay. Carol: Umm uh, I'll make some coffee and we can uh, chat. Rachel: I'd love that. I would loooove... (Carol goes to make the coffee and she sits down.) So uh, so where is sweet little Ben? I would love to have a little... Ben: (jumping up from behind her chair) Gotcha!! (Rachel jumps up startled.) Rachel: I found him! (To Ben) Very funny, come here! (She sits down on the coffee table and Ben walks up.) That is exactly why I've come here to talk to you okay? Carol: (from the kitchen) Rach, do you want some sugar in your coffee? Rachel: Yes oh-(To Ben)-Do I want sugar in my coffee? (Ben nods no.) No, just some milk would be good Carol. Thanks. (To Ben) Okay, do you remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday? Ben: (mimicking her) Remember all that stuff I taught you yesterday? Rachel: Don't do that. Ben: Don't do that. Rachel: Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks. Ben: Seriously, your dad doesn't like pranks. Rachel: Oh damnit! Ben: Oh damnit! Rachel: No! Don't say that! Don't say that! Ben: Damnit! Rachel: No don't! Go back to repeating! Ben: Damnit! Rachel: Oh crap! Ben: Oh crap! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Monica are returning from Central Perk.] Phoebe: I feel like my face is swelling. (To Monica) Is my face swelling? Monica: Phoebe, your face is fine! Come on, none of this stuff is going to happen to you! Stop being such a baby! Phoebe: Oh, interesting you should call me that! Now that I may never have one! (Holds up the warning label.) Joey: Okay you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready? Chandler: Yeah. O-okay. Joey: (reading) "When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I can not help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and..." And then I can't think of a good word for right here. (He points to the stop on the paper where he left off.) Monica: How about receiving? Joey: Yes! Chandler: See Joe, not that that's not grrreat! But, one of the cool things about having somebody we know perform the ceremony is that it can be about us! Y'know, it can be more personal. You can tell stories about us! Joey: Ooh, like the time you and I went to Atlantic City and I made you laugh so hard you threw up your whole steak?! Remember? Chandler: No, not us... (Motions Joey and him.) Us! (Motions Monica and him.) Joey: I gotcha. Sorry. (To Monica) So, did you ever make him throw up a whole anything? Phoebe: Did you ever feed him a poison capsule that made him bleed from the eyes? Monica: It doesn't say that! Phoebe: Oh! Suddenly somebody knows all about the side effects! Chandler: See Joe, we want you to tell stories but y'know, romantic stories. Nice stories. Joey: Oh. Okay. Ooh! Ooh! Okay, maybe I'll talk about London! Y'know when you two hooked up! Only, only I won't say hooked up. I'll say, "Began their beautiful journey..." Monica: There you go! Joey: "...by doin' it." Chandler: Joe? Joey: Okay. All right. Umm, so uh, so how did it happen? Did your eyes meet across the room? And then the next thing y'know you're in the bathtub together and she's feeding you strawberries? Chandler: Isn't that what happened with you and the bridesmaid? Joey: Yeah!! I call that London style. Monica: No that is not what happened with us. Well, I was umm, I was really sad that night because this guy thought that I was Ross's mom. Joey: Oh. Monica: And then Chandler was, was really sweet and he consoled me. And well we drank too much... Joey: Yeah baby! Chandler: And I was a perfect gentleman and I walked her to her hotel room and said goodnight. Joey: Oh. Chandler: But then later that night... Joey: Yeah baby! [Cut to London, Chandler's hotel room. He is getting ready for bed by doing push-ups. One push-up. Just as he gets under the covers, there's a knock on the door.] Chandler: (answering the door) Hey! Monica: (standing outside) Cute PJ's! You're really livin' it up here in London huh? Chandler: Well I was... I wasn't exactly expecting company after...(He looks at his watch.) 9:15. Monica: (entering) Is Joey here? Chandler: Well, last time I saw him he was heading out the door with the bridesmaid and a bucket of strawberries. So uh, you're not still upset about what that guy told ya are ya? Monica: Wouldn't you be? Chandler: Well, look it's been a really emotional time y'know, and you've had a lot to drink. And you've just got to let that go okay? I mean you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight! Monica: Really? Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms... (She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out! You and I are making out? Monica: Well, not anymore. Chandler: But we don't do that. Monica: I know, I just thought it would be fun. Chandler: How drunk are you? Monica: Drunk enough to know that I want to do this. Not so drunk that you should feel guilty about taking advantage. Chandler: (thinks) That's the perfect amount! Monica: Okay! (They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.) Monica: (breaking the kiss) Y'know what's weird? Chandler: What? Monica: This doesn't feel weird! Chandler: I know. Monica: You're a really good kisser. Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you wanna get under the covers? Monica: Hm-hmm! Chandler: Okay! (They do so and they take off their clothes.) Monica: Wow! You are really fast! Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you. Monica: We're gonna see each other naked. Chandler: Yep! Monica: Do you wanna do it at the same time? Chandler: Count of three? Monica: One! Chandler: Two! Monica: Two! Monica and Chandler: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then come back up with silly grins on their faces.) Chandler: Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively ruined. Monica: Eh, we weren't that close anyway! Chandler: Eh! (They start making out again, and it takes Joey trying to enter to stop them.) Chandler: Joey! Joey! Joey! J-J-Joey-Joey-J-Joey! (Monica hides under the covers as Joey enters. Remember?) Joey: Hey! Chandler: Hey Joe! I was just watching a movie-e-e... (Notices that the TV is turned off.) Joey: Oh, dude I'm so sorry! Chandler: No! No! No! Joey: Hey no-no-no-no! It's cool! It's cool! I-I'll only be a second, I'm still with my bridesmaid, I just-Where are those condoms you brought? Chandler: They're in my bag over there. (Points.) Joey: Ah. (Joey walks to Chandler's bag by getting as far away from Chandler's bed as possible.) Chandler: Uh, could you leave me one? Joey: (pause) For just you? Chandler: Yeah. Joey: Hey listen, why don't you come downstairs with me? There's some really nice girls down there. Chandler: No I-I-I'm fine. Joey: All right, here you go buddy. (He tosses him one.) Go nuts. (Exits.) [Cut back to Monica and Chandler telling Phoebe and Joey the story.] Joey: That's what that was?! 'Cause that other thing? I thought you were on to something, but it did nothing for me. Monica: Okay, can we change the topic? Because it's really doing nothing for me. Joey: Oh... (To Chandler) Can you imagine if I hadn't left you that last one? You two might've never gotten together. Ooh-ooh! Could you imagine if I sent that hooker up to the room like I was gonna?! It's like it was in the stars! Phoebe: Yeah, it's totally meant to be. (To Monica) Tell him who you originally wanted to hook up with that night. Monica: What?! Chandler: What? Phoebe: (To Joey) What?! Chandler: Who did you originally want to hook up with? Monica: Okay, fine but please don't be upset! Okay? I was really depressed okay? And really drunk! I just wanted something stupid and meaningless. I just wanted...just sx. So, when I...went to your room that night...I was actually looking...for Joey. (Joey smiles.) Joey: Yeah baby! (Chandler glares at him.) No baby! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier.] Chandler: (To Monica) So you came to the room looking for Joey? Did you ever in-intend on telling me about this? Monica: No, because it-it didn't seem important. Chandler: Oh, it's not important? It's not important?! If it wasn't for a bridesmaid you'd be marrying him (Points to Joey) not me! Monica: Noo!! The point is that is was you that was there that night! It is you that I am marrying! It is you that I fell in love with! Joey: And it is a love that is based on having and giving and receiv-(Shuts up on Monica's glare.) Chandler: I don't believe it. The most romantic night of my life and I'm runner up. Monica: Chandler, please! Do you know how unbelievably glad I am that Joey was not there that night?! Joey: Hey! (Monica turns and looks at him) Now I'm a man of the cloth, but I still have feelings! Chandler: (To Joey) Look there is no way you're doing this wedding now. Okay? Joey: What?! That's not fair! It's not my fault! I was off with my bridesmaid! And who's to say I would've even said yes?! (To Monica) I mean I would've said yes. Chandler look y-y-you are making way too big a deal out of this, all right? Look, everything worked out okay! Chandler: Okay, it's just weird! Okay? I don't want to be standing their saying my vows and then having the mental image of you and Monica! I-I-I need...I don't know what I need. I need a walk. Monica: Wait Chandler come on, let's-it's not a big deal! Chandler: It is to me. You wanted to sleep with Batman, and instead you had to settle for Robin. (Walks out and slams the door.) Joey: This is crazy. Phoebe: I know! Robin is so gay! [Scene: Carol and Susan's, Rachel is talking with Ben.] Rachel: So now what have we agreed? Ben: No more pranks. Rachel: And-and what else? Ben: That you and daddy were not on a break. Rachel: Very good. (There's a knock on the door and Ross enters.) Ross: Rachel! What are you doing here? Rachel: I'm just visiting my good friend Carol. Ross: Your good friend? Rachel: Yeah! Ross: What's her last name? Rachel: Carol...Lesbian? Ross: Nice. And by the way that uh, that line down my face? Rachel: What line? Ross: Wh-wh-what line? The line that prompted a student in my last class of the day to say uh, (In a college frat boy voice) "Dude, don't you ever wash your face?" Rachel: All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but you were so mad already! Ross: Of course I was mad! I told you I-I hate this stuff! Okay? It-it's not funny! Carol: (entering from the kitchen) Hey Ross! Ross: Hi. Carol: What's not funny? Ross: Practical jokes. Carol: Oh I...I think they're funny. Ross: You have a line down your face. Carol: What? (Goes and checks.) Rachel: Okay, maybe they are not funny to you... Carol: (yelling from the bathroom) Oh my God! Rachel: Or Carol! But they're funny to kids and who is it hurting?! Ross: Uh, y'know what? I'll tell you who it hurts! It hurts the kid who has all his clothes stolen in gym class so he has to go to the principal's office wearing nothing but a catcher's mitt! Rachel: That was you?! We heard about you in Junior High! Did you really just shake your fist in the air and shout, "I will be revenged?!" Ross: I will be! Listen, I don't want you teaching my son that stuff anymore. Okay? Rachel: Fine. Fine, but I'll have you know that once I taught him that stuff he called me Fun Aunt Rachel. And I loved being Fun Aunt Rachel but I'll go back to being Boring and Uncomfortable Aunt Rachel if that's what you want! Ross: No that's not what I want. Uh, I'm glad you guys were bonding but I... Rachel: Look he doesn't have any brothers or sisters, somebody's gonna have to teach him this stuff! And I haven't taught him anything that a normal 6-year-old doesn't know anyway! Ben: (yelling from off camera) Crap!! Rachel: I gotta go! (Runs out.) [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sulking on the couch as Joey enters to talk with him.] Joey: Hey. Chandler: Hey. Do you want this scone? (Holds up his plate) It came for me but it would probably rather sleep with you! Joey: Chandler, come on nothing even happened! Chandler: Look Joe, I know you wanted to do the wedding... Joey: No-hey-no! If you don't want me to do it, I accept that. I don't care about that. I just...I don't want you to be upset. Chandler: How can I not be upset? Okay? I finally fall in love with this fantastic woman and it turns out that she wanted you first! Joey: Yeah for like a half an hour one night! Chandler, she wants you for the rest of her life! You're so lucky! Look what I missed out on by not being there! Although you know what? It could never have worked like you guys did, 'cause you guys are perfect for each other. Y'know, we look at you and-and we see you together and it just...it-it fits. Y'know? And you just know it's gonna last forever. Chandler: That's what you should say. Joey: What? Chandler: When you're marrying us; that's what you should say. Joey: Really? I can do it? Chandler: I'd love it if you would do it. Joey: Hey! (They hug.) Chandler: But those are the words! Those exact words! Joey: Well I don't know if I remember exactly but, it's-it's pretty much about having and giving and sharing and receiving. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is in the kitchen as Ross and Ben are entering.] Ross: Hey! Rachel: Hey! Ross: Hey I'm sorry to do this to you again but uh, is there any way you can look after Ben for a little bit? I-I've got this meeting at school. And-and he-he asked for his uh, 'Fun Aunt' Rachel, so... Rachel: Ohhh! Well of course I will watch him! We have fun, don't we Ben? (He nods yes.) Ross: Okay, I'll see you later pal. (Ross turns to leave.) Rachel: Ohh, okay. (Ross has a sign on his back that reads 'Poop.') Wh-Ah-ha! (Ross stops and turns.) Wait a minute. Uh Ben, I can't do it. Ross: What? Rachel: I can't let him go out that way, he's got a meeting. (To Ross) You've got something here on your back. Ross: What? (She takes the sign off and hands it to him.) That's great. That is great. (Crumples up the paper and throws it down in anger.) What did we just finish talking about Ben?! Rachel: Oh I... Ben: What did we just finish talking about Ben?! Ross: All right, that's it! (He runs over to Ben, who runs past him and out the door.) Come-you-no! You are in big trouble young man! Rachel: No! Wait! Come on! [Cut to the hallway, Ben runs upstairs with Ross in pursuit.] Ross: Wait! No! Ben, come here! I am not kidding! Rachel: No you guys... (She walks out into the hallway.) Ross: I-I-am-(Suddenly Ross starts screaming and comes falling down the stairs landing just in front of Rachel.) Rachel: EHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My God!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! (She runs over to him and finds that it was a dummy and that she had been had.) [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are entering. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch.] Joey: Hey! Monica: Hey-hey. Joey: So are guys doing okay? Chandler: Yeah, we talked and Monica made me see that I over reacted a little bit and some things in life are more important. Monica: Yeah baby! (Phoebe and Joey nod.) Phoebe: I'm really glad you guys are okay but, I just keep thinking what would happen if-if you two (Points to Monica and Joey) actually had hooked up. [Scene: Monica and Joey's, Monica is cooking.] Monica: Honey! Dinner's ready! (Joey, whose new diet is working out great, he looks like he only weighs 375 down from 420 enters from the bedroom.) Fat Joey: What's my little chef got for me tonight? Monica: Your favorite! Joey: Ho-ho-ho, (pausing for a rest next to the fridge) fried stuff with cheese! Monica: Yep! And lot's of it! Fat Joey: Thanks sweetheart. Give me a little sugar here. (They kiss.) Okay. (Joey sits down.) Monica: Okay, in we go. (Monica gets behind him and in combination with his sliding the chair forward and her pushing with her leg manages to get up to the table.) Fat Joey: Here we go! Here we go! Here we go! (Groans and picks up a piece of food.) How you doin'? Ending Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Joey is getting Phoebe some coffee.] Joey: Here you go. Phoebe: (still reading the label) Oh my God! This is a six-hour pill! (Checks her watch) That's it! I'm out of the woods! Ohh! What a relief! Joey: Good for you! Phoebe: Oh, it's like a huge weight has been lifted! 'Cause look, (reads the side effects) no hair loss, not a rash, no hives, I'm just so happy! Because no shortness of breath, no temporary euphoria-Oh.	Plan: A: Ross; Q: Who is upset that Rachel teaches Ben practical jokes? A: Chandler; Q: Who is paranoid that Monica will leave him for Joey? A: Monica; Q: Who was planning on sleeping with Joey the night they first got together? Summary: Rachel teaches Ben practical jokes, which angers Ross. However, Ross gets back at Rachel when he and Ben pull their own prank on her. Chandler learns that Monica was actually planning on sleeping with Joey the night they first got together, making Chandler paranoid that she would leave him for Joey. Joey becomes ordained over the Internet in preparation to officiate Monica and Chandler's wedding.
6:35pm - 7:00pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM SARA: Something's gone wrong. DOCTOR: What's the matter, my dear, hmm? SARA: It's stopped going up and down. STEVEN: That's alright. It means we've landed. (The DOCTOR presses the scanner switch but the picture is blank.) DOCTOR: (Tuts.) Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear! Yes, that scanner's not working. (Laughs.) SARA: Can you mend it? DOCTOR: Yes, can repair it, of course, but it means checking the whole circuit. STEVEN: Right, let's get started. (He puts his hand on the door control lever.) DOCTOR: Dah, dah, dah, dah! Don't you dare touch anything! STEVEN: Why not? DOCTOR: Well, just look at those dials, my dear boy. (He points at the dials on the console.) DOCTOR: Sara? (SARA joins them.) DOCTOR: Look at those dials? Now, you know what that means? If either of you went outside, it would be extremely dangerous. The whole atmosphere is poisonous! [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. STATION YARD (NIGHT) (A SERGEANT comes out of the back door of a Police Station and stretches himself in the cold brick-lined yard. Snow lies on the ground.) (His attention is suddenly caught...) STATION SERGEANT: What in the name of...? (...when he sees the shape of a new Police Box located just inside the gates to the yard.) STATION SERGEANT: Who put that there? (The SERGEANT speaks in a Liverpudlian accent. Two POLICEMEN, in their car, are singing simultaneously as they pull up into the yard.) POLICEMEN: (Singing.) "When a poor man came in sight, gathering winter fu-el!" (Then they laugh together. They are also Liverpudlians. The FIRST POLICEMAN is more portly than his colleague.) FIRST POLICEMAN: Here, I reckon we'd charm the birds of the trees! SECOND POLICEMAN: I'd settle for some from the coffee bars. FIRST POLICEMAN: Here, what about 'While Shepherds Watch'? Do you think they'd appreciate that? SECOND POLICEMAN: Hey, no, here's the Sergeant. Come on. FIRST POLICEMAN: Oh... (The POLICEMEN get out of their car and greet the STATION SERGEANT.) SECOND POLICEMAN: Hello, Sergeant, what you doing out here? STATION SERGEANT: Here, come and have a look at this. (He leads the two POLICEMEN towards the new box.) SECOND POLICEMAN: Well! Where did that come from? STATION SERGEANT: You tell me. FIRST POLICEMAN: (Cheerily.) Oh, perhaps somebody sent it to the Inspector as a Christmas box! (The SERGEANT is not amused by this flippancy.) STATION SERGEANT: And perhaps you'll both just stay out here and watch it? SECOND POLICEMAN: Why? Do you think it's gonna to fly away? STATION SERGEANT: Just you stay there and keep an eye on it - right? (The SERGEANT goes back inside the station, leaving two disgruntled officers behind...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR is preparing to leave the TARDIS, much to STEVEN'S annoyance...) STEVEN: And just why, if it isn't safe for us, is it safe for you? DOCTOR: Will neither of you understand? SARA: For heaven's sake, let's go and fix the scanner! DOCTOR: No! Where you come from, in both places, the air is pure. Outside there is the worst kind of pollution I've met in years! STEVEN: Right then, you shouldn't go out there either. DOCTOR: Oh, my dear boy, I'm used to all sorts of atmospheres. It won't affect me. I shall have to go out and do the repairing myself. SARA: But suppose something happens to you? DOCTOR: Then, and only then, can you come out. But you must be very, very careful because... STEVEN: (Interrupts.) And just how are we supposed to know that something has happened to you? DOCTOR: My dear young man, just give me a few minutes and, if all is well, I shall be back inside again to tell you. (He chuckles.) STEVEN: And if not, we come out and find you? I seem to have been through all this before! DOCTOR: (Annoyed.) Now, look here, my boy - you will do as you're told! (STEVEN sighs and gives up.) DOCTOR: Now, you just open the doors...and remember to close them after I've gone. STEVEN: (Sarcastically.) Yes, sir! (The DOCTOR walks towards the doors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. STATION YARD (NIGHT) (In the street outside, a group of children can be heard singing the Christmas carol "The First Noel". The DOCTOR pokes his head out of the TARDIS door and sees the POLICEMEN looking bored with their new duty. The FIRST POLICEMAN turns, sees him and automatically politely intones...) FIRST POLICEMAN: Good evening. DOCTOR: Good evening. (The FIRST POLICEMAN, startled, suddenly realises that the DOCTOR came from inside the box.) FIRST POLICEMAN: Hey, you! (The DOCTOR ducks back into the TARDIS and closes the door.) FIRST POLICEMAN: Uh?! (The SECOND POLICEMAN runs over to his friend a short distance away.) SECOND POLICEMAN: What's up? FIRST POLICEMAN: See that? SECOND POLICEMAN: See what? (The FIRST POLICEMAN, somewhat flustered, points at the TARDIS door.) FIRST POLICEMAN: That then! SECOND POLICEMAN: What when? FIRST POLICEMAN: That door! SECOND POLICEMAN: That door? FIRST POLICEMAN: It opened! SECOND POLICEMAN: Did it? FIRST POLICEMAN: There's a bloke in there. SECOND POLICEMAN: (Unconvinced.) Oh, aye. FIRST POLICEMAN: That bloke with a...with...with long white hair. I just saw him! SECOND POLICEMAN: Did ya? FIRST POLICEMAN: Aye. (The SECOND POLICEMAN goes up to the door and tries to open it.) SECOND POLICEMAN: It's locked. FIRST POLICEMAN: But, I've just saw him! SECOND POLICEMAN: (Unconvinced.) Oh, aye! [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR is explaining to SARA what he saw...) DOCTOR: No - police. P...O...L...I...C...E. SARA: Oh, I see. We've landed on your own planet. DOCTOR: Oh, nonsense child. We're back on Earth. SARA: (Puzzled.) But...that's what's written outside the TARDIS? (The DOCTOR laughs in amusement.) SARA: "Po-lice" DOCTOR: Never mind, never mind! I shall have to go outside and try and distract them. Meanwhile, you can stay here for a while, then come out and do the scanner. STEVEN: Yes, but, you said the air out there was so bad, that if we came out... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) Never mind what I said, my dear boy - do as you're told. Now open the doors and remember to open them and shut them after I've gone! (As the DOCTOR heads for the doors again, STEVEN tries to keep his temper...) STEVEN: Yes, sir! [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. STATION YARD (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR peers out of the TARDIS, and as he exits, the two POLICEMEN grab him from either side of the TARDIS, behind which they had just been hiding.) DOCTOR: Hmm! SECOND POLICEMAN: It wouldn't be Father Christmas would it? FIRST POLICEMAN: All right, lad, it's a fair cop. DOCTOR: Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. POLICE STATION. FRONT DESK (NIGHT) (Inside the station, the STATION SERGEANT is back on duty at the front desk. Christmas decorations adorn the hall. The sound of a typewriter comes from the back office. A little middle-aged MAN dressed in a mackintosh is on the other side of the heavy counter and the SERGEANT deals with him...) STATION SERGEANT: Alright, what can I do for you? (The little MAN speaks in a nasal tone and a Lancashire accent.) MAN IN MACKINTOSH: I've got a complaint. STATION SERGEANT: Well, the doctor's just round the corner. MAN IN MACKINTOSH: No, no, no, no! I...I mean, I want to make a complaint. STATION SERGEANT: Oh, I see. (His pen poises over the pad on the counter.) STATION SERGEANT: Well, let's have your name then. (The little MAN leans forward and speaks in a dramatic and conspiratorial tone.) MAN IN MACKINTOSH: They keep moving me 'ouse. (The STATION SERGEANT looks up from his pad.) STATION SERGEANT: Moving your what? MAN IN MACKINTOSH: House! STATION SERGEANT: "They" keep moving your house? MAN IN MACKINTOSH: Yeah, me greenhouse. (Dramatically.) It's the revels. STATION SERGEANT: The revels? (The SECOND POLICEMEN walks in with the DOCTOR.) SECOND POLICEMAN: Anyone in C.I.D.? STATION SERGEANT: Aye, it's straight through. SECOND POLICEMAN: Good. (To the DOCTOR.) Come on. (He is about to lead the DOCTOR through but the old man stops and peers closely at the MAN IN MACKINTOSH.) DOCTOR: Haven't I seen your face before somewhere, hmm? MAN IN MACKINTOSH: Where? DOCTOR: (Laughs.) Yes, of course, I remember now, yes - the market place at Jaffa. (He laughs to himself. The POLICEMAN and the SERGEANT look at each other. The POLICEMAN leads the DOCTOR away.) MAN IN MACKINTOSH: (Puzzled.) Jaffa? (He turns back to the equally puzzled SERGEANT.) MAN IN MACKINTOSH: The young chap said I should come to see you it. STATION SERGEANT: Do what? MAN IN MACKINTOSH: About me greenhouse. (Dramatically.) It's the revels! [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. STATION YARD (NIGHT) (STEVEN peeks his head out of the TARDIS to see what is outside. He is about to head towards the police station when the FIRST POLICEMAN comes into view and himself stands between the TARDIS and the doorway to the station. STEVEN quickly ducks down behind the police car.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. POLICE STATION. DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR'S OFFICE (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR is in the DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR'S office where the SECOND POLICEMAN has led him to be questioned. He stands to one side while the DOCTOR sits before the balding DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR who taps his pen on the table rhythmically in an effort to intimidate the suspect. The DOCTOR merely coughs.) DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: I've heard of a housing shortage, but I never knew it was so bad you'd have to spend Christmas in a Police Box. DOCTOR: (Surprised.) Oh, Christmas! Oh, is it? Of course, yes, yes, yes, yes! That accounts for the holly in the hall. (Laughs.) DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: You mean you didn't know? DOCTOR: Well, of course I didn't know! I travel about too much. DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: And why is that? DOCTOR: Well, a quest of knowledge, dear boy. I mean, you have a saying in this country, have you not, er... "travel broadens the mind"? DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: You mean you're not English? DOCTOR: No, good gracious no! DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: Scottish? DOCTOR: No. (Laughs.) DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: Are you Welsh, then? DOCTOR: Oh, you'll have to think in a far bigger way than that! Your ideas are too narrow, too small, too crippled! (Laughs.) DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: All right, all right. What are you then? DOCTOR: Well, I suppose you might say that I am a citizen of the universe...and a gentleman, to boot! SECOND POLICEMAN: He's having us on a bit, in't he, sir? DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: (With great patience, to the DOCTOR.) Now, look lad... [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. STATION YARD (NIGHT) (The FIRST POLICEMAN at last moves on and STEVEN is able to come out of hiding from behind the car. Unsure what to do, he looks in the police car and sees a spare tunic on the back seat. He looks round to make sure that he is not observed and opens the car door...) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. POLICE STATION. FRONT DESK (NIGHT) (At the front desk, the little MAN is still continuing with his story to the SERGEANT.) MAN IN MACKINTOSH: And now they've been and gone and moved it again. STATION SERGEANT: Oh, where to this time? MAN IN MACKINTOSH: I don't know. That's why I came to see you. The young chap I said... STATION SERGEANT: You're sure it's not out there along beside the...? (Suddenly, he catches sight of STEVEN as he enters the police station in his "borrowed" uniform.) STATION SERGEANT: Oh, here, just a minute. (STEVEN nervously approaches the counter.) STEVEN: Er, e...excuse me? STATION SERGEANT: Ah, you must be the new bloke from 'G' Division, come to help us out? STEVEN: I...I beg your pardon? STATION SERGEANT: I say you must be the new bloke from 'G' Division? STEVEN: Must I? Oh! Oh, yes. (STEVEN suddenly adopts a Liverpudlian accent.) STEVEN: Yes, that's right. Erm, yeah, I've, er, I've come about the old man. STATION SERGEANT: Old man? What old man? STEVEN: Well, he was brought in here a minute ago. STATION SERGEANT: Oh, he's with C.I.D. You'd better wait till they're finished with him. STEVEN: Ah, yeah, but I've got to get to him. STATION SERGEANT: Well, you'll have to wait, lad. He'll be out here again soon. Now wait over there. (He points to a bench which STEVEN sits on. The worried little MAN steps back up to the counter.) MAN IN MACKINTOSH: Now, what about my greenhouse? STATION SERGEANT: Oh, yes. Now where was this you said? MAN IN MACKINTOSH: Well, for a start, it's not in me garden... [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. POLICE STATION. DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR'S OFFICE (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR'S interrogation continues...) DOCTOR: I don't think you really understand. That object in the yard out there isn't really a police box. DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: (Sarcastically.) No, no, of course it's not. It's the New Brighton ferry. DOCTOR: It is a machine for investigating Time And Relative Dimensions In Space. (Laughs.) (The INSPECTOR looks at the SECOND POLICEMAN and they step away from the DOCTOR and quietly converse...) SECOND POLICEMAN: He's a nutter. DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: He's straight from a funny-farm, if you ask me. (But the DOCTOR overhears them...) DOCTOR: Do I take it that you gentlemen are imputing that I am mentally deranged, mm? Mmm? Hmm! (After seeing this display of pique, the SECOND POLICEMAN whispers to the senior officer...) SECOND POLICEMAN: I told you - he's a nutter. DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: Is he the only bloke in the box? SECOND POLICEMAN: Well, how should I know? DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: Well didn't you check? There might be a whole army of the...them in there, living like gypsies in one of Her Majesty's police telephone boxes! SECOND POLICEMAN: And just how many people would you expect to come out of one box? [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. STATION YARD (NIGHT) (At that moment, SARA chooses to leave the TARDIS and looks around.) SARA: Where have they got to? (She looks up at the lamp on top of the police box wherein is contained the scanner eye. Suddenly, the FIRST POLICEMAN walks up to the strangely dressed young woman.) FIRST POLICEMAN: Hello, Hello. What are you doing hanging around here on Christmas Day? (The secret agent from the future is unperturbed by the POLICEMAN.) SARA: Nothing. FIRST POLICEMAN: Surprised to see a police box here, I suppose? (The sound of children singing "Good King Wenceslas" is heard from the street.) SARA: Oh, you think it's yours? FIRST POLICEMAN: Well, not mine exactly, but let's say it belongs to us, eh? Er, so why don't you leave it where it is and just move along, eh? SARA: I've got to fix it. FIRST POLICEMAN: Fix what? SARA: The scanner eye. FIRST POLICEMAN: The scanner eye? SARA: Yes. FIRST POLICEMAN: Oh, you do? SARA: Yes. FIRST POLICEMAN: Oh, well, we usually get the jokers around here at Christmas time, but we have to be lenient. So, er, just move along, eh? SARA: I can't. FIRST POLICEMAN: Oh yes, you can, young lady. That's enough of joking. I'm sure you're going to enjoy yourself at that party you're going to so why not go down there now? SARA: I'm not going to a party. (The POLICEMAN casts another look at SARA'S uniform.) FIRST POLICEMAN: Well, wherever you are going dressed up in them fancy clothes, you leave now and there won't be no trouble. SARA: I've got to stay here. FIRST POLICEMAN: Now you take my advice, young lady, and leave now. Otherwise, I might have to run you in for loitering or somethin' like that. I wouldn't like to have to do that. We've had a bit of, er, trouble like that already tonight. You see, er, we don't like people hanging around. But at Christmas time we have to be lenient, and we don't want to make it too difficult for you. SARA: But... (Tuts.) Oh, very well. (She heads for the exit from the yard. The POLICEMAN calls after her somewhat awkwardly.) FIRST POLICEMAN: Have a...have a...have a swinging time! (The Christmas carol singing in the background ends as the FIRST POLICEMAN watches SARA walk away.) FIRST POLICEMAN: Funny girl... (He goes inside the station and SARA comes back.) SARA: The idiots! They've obviously got themselves into some kind of trouble. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. POLICE STATION. FRONT DESK (NIGHT) (Still in his uniform, STEVEN nervously paces the front hall. The SERGEANT has at last got rid of the MAN IN MACKINTOSH and is writing on his pad. He looks up annoyed at STEVEN'S pacing.) STATION SERGEANT: Why won't you sit down, lad? You're making the place look untidy. (At that moment, the DOCTOR is escorted out of the DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR'S office into the front area. STEVEN rushes over to him.) STEVEN: (Quietly to the DOCTOR.) It's all right? DOCTOR: Of course, of course. And what are you doing here, hmm? (The DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR looks at STEVEN.) DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: Who are you? Do you know this man? (The DOCTOR coughs, possibly signaling STEVEN) STEVEN: Yes. Er... (He hastily adopts the Liverpudlian accent again...) STEVEN: I mean - aye. STATION SERGEANT: He's just the extra bloke from 'G' Division, sir. STEVEN: Er, yeah, it's...it's alright, er, I'll look after him. DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: Well, if you know him, perhaps you can tell us what he's doing in a police box? STEVEN: (Feigning surprise.) A what?! DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: That police box across the yard - he claims to live in it. STEVEN: Oh, no. (He speaks to the DOCTOR as if he is senile and needs reassurance...) STEVEN: Just a minute. It'll be all right, just a minute. (STEVEN crosses over to the DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR and speaks to him quietly aside.) STEVEN: No, er, it's alright. Er, you see he's a funny feller, but I know how to handle him. We're used to him down in 'G' Division. DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR: Very well. Well, get him out of here, and see that he steers clear of that police box. STEVEN: Right. I'll do that...sir. (He turns back to the DOCTOR.) STEVEN: Right, er, come on there, old man. DOCTOR: (Coughs.) I... (Coughs.) ...much of the old man, either. What's all this funny accent? STEVEN: Everybody else is doing it. SECOND POLICEMAN: I'll come with you and make sure you can manage. (Everyone starts to talk as the DOCTOR and STEVEN walk to the station door with the SECOND POLICEMAN.) STEVEN: It's alright, ... ! DOCTOR: ... ! SECOND POLICEMAN: I know ... ! (STEVEN makes a show of man-handling the DOCTOR who both protests and giggles as the desk phone rings.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. STATION YARD (NIGHT) (As they come out of the station, the SECOND POLICEMAN spots SARA as she finishes fixing the scanner eye.) SECOND POLICEMAN: Hey you! Hey you, what' you playing at? (STEVEN and the DOCTOR come out of the station talking at the same time...) STEVEN: Go into the TARDIS - now hurry! DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh. (As the DOCTOR rushes into the TARDIS and slams the door shut, the SECOND POLICEMAN grabs SARA not having noticed that the other "prisoner" has escaped.) SECOND POLICEMAN: (To STEVEN.) I don't know what it is about that police box, but first of all, the old bloke comes out of it - now I catch this lass climbing about on it. STEVEN: It's all right, miss... SARA: (Forcefully.) Please let me go! STEVEN: It's all right. I know her too. SECOND POLICEMAN: Aye, you seem to know all the queer people. Well, who is she? STEVEN: Well, she's a...she's a friend of the old man's. SECOND POLICEMAN: Ah... SARA: Let me go! (She elbows the SECOND POLICEMAN in the stomach and he falls to the ground.) SARA: Come on, Steven. (SARA and STEVEN run into the TARDIS and quickly get inside, slamming the doors behind them. The TARDIS dematerializes as the SECOND POLICEMAN recovers. His portly colleague comes back into the yard and sees him on the ground.) FIRST POLICEMAN: Hello, hello? What's up with you? (He suddenly notices the empty space in the yard as the SECOND POLICEMAN groans.) FIRST POLICEMAN: Here...here, it's gone! SECOND POLICEMAN: (Still groggy.) What? FIRST POLICEMAN: That telephone box - it's gone. (Puzzled.) Weren't it meant for us? [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (With the TARDIS in flight once more, STEVEN points out his new police tunic...) STEVEN: I found this jacket, so they thought I was one of their group. (To SARA.) And when you appeared on the scene they were completely mystified. DOCTOR: (To STEVEN.) Well, even I, dear boy, must admit that I enjoyed myself. (To SARA.) Did you fix the scanner, mm? SARA: I did - and no help from either of you. DOCTOR: Oh! STEVEN: At least it's working. DOCTOR: Have you checked it? SARA: Of course not. After that man grabbed me I didn't have a chance. DOCTOR: Never mind, never mind. Is the Taranium safe? STEVEN: Yes, over there. (He points across the room at the small metal canister as the DOCTOR clears his throat.) SARA: Oh, I'd forgotten about the Daleks. DOCTOR: Now, that's one thing you mustn't do, my dear. Remember they have the same type of machines and they can follow us. STEVEN: Yes, but they won't have found out about the switch yet. DOCTOR: No, I sincerely hope not. SARA: Well, while we have the Taranium their plan cannot work. DOCTOR: I don't think the Daleks will attack the Sos...the Solar System until they've checked their Time Destructor. STEVEN: Then what can we do? DOCTOR: Well, I think we might, perhaps, be able to destroy the Taranium before they catch us up. (SARA sees that the central column has stopped moving.) SARA: I think we've stopped again. DOCTOR: Yes, we might, er, we might still be on Earth. Wait a minute. (The DOCTOR checks the TARDIS console.) DOCTOR: Oh, no, the atmosphere has...improved considerably. Yes, let's have a look at the scanner. It might tell us something. (The DOCTOR flips the switch revealing on the scanner screen only dark shapes. Suddenly, a scream pierces the calm...) DOCTOR: The door! [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. BARN (A woman with blond ringlets in a pale frilly dress and with her hands tied is being dragged through an old logging and saw mill barn towards a bench-top circular saw by a moustached man who wears a bowler hat. The woman, BLOSSOM LEFAVRE screams as the moustached man, DARCY TRANTON taunts her. Piano music fills the air.) BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: (Screaming) Oh, No! No! No! DARCY TRANTON: This saw will take care of you, and then my secret will be safe forever. Ha, ha, ha, ha! BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: (Screaming) Oh! No! Help me! Somebody help me, please! Oh! DARCY TRANTON: Your cries cannot be heard! The saw-mill is miles from anywhere! (TRANTON shouts more threats and laughs as STEVEN and SARA rush into the room.) BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: (Screaming) No! STEVEN: (To the moustached man) What are you doing? (STEVEN runs over and punches TRANTON in the eye and SARA starts to loosen the woman's ropes.) BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: Oh! Somebody! Oh! Stop! (Suddenly...) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (Shouts.) Cut! BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: Oh, no, no, no, no! (The music stops and STEINBERGER P. GREEN gets out of his director's chair and walks onto the set of the saw mill within the silent-film studio. He stands before the spotlights and turns to the assembled stagehands as STEVEN and SARA look on in shock.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Stop! Stop! Who let those bums in here? (BLOSSOM LEFAVRE'S screams of terror turn to screams of rage and despair as she shrieks out in a New Jersey accent...) BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: (Shrieks.) Steinberger! They've ruined my scene! Oh! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (Shouts.) It's that guy - DeMille! BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: (Shouts.) What are you gonna do about it?! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (Shouts.) He's trying to sabotage me! (As LEFAVRE cries like a spoilt child, the portly moustached STEINBERGER P. GREEN points at STEVEN and SARA and yells...) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (Shouts.) Get those bums outta here! (The studio is full of noise as the actress continues to cry and the film crew closes in on STEVEN and SARA from the set. To escape the mayhem, STEVEN punches at some of the men closing in on them and SARA uses her combat skills on the others before they can be detained. The two rush off leaving chaos behind them. Mascara tears pouring down her face, LEFAVRE continues her tantrum but STEINBERGER P. GREEN has been utterly amazed by the fighting skills of the two escaping people and his attitude towards them is transformed.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (To STEVEN and SARA) What are you doing?! Come back here! (He turns to the people on the set.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Did you see those two? BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: (Crying.) Steinberger, get back ... my scene! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Wait! BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: (Crying.) What are you gonna do?! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: I want them back here! BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: (Crying.) Oh, Steinberger, what are you going to do about it?! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Pipe down now! There's no camera running now! Save it for the later take. (Somewhat brushed off, LEFAVRE continues to cry as DARCY TRANTON walks forward holding his injured eye.) DARCY TRANTON: Steinberger, look at my eye! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (To his assistant.) Hey you! DARCY TRANTON: Look what they've done to my eye! (GREEN'S assistant comes over.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (Shouts.) I want those two back here. DARCY TRANTON: Am I, or am I not, the star of this picture? STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (Shouts.) He's great! Bigger than Fairbanks! (The assistant doesn't move as TRANTON continues to whine.) DARCY TRANTON: Look what they've done to my eye. STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (To the assistant.) Well, don't just stand there... DARCY TRANTON: Look at my eye! Look at my eye! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (Shouts.) ...go get them! (The assistant runs off.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] 18: CAPTION (The screen is filled with a full-screen caption, written in the style of old fashioned silent films. Accompanied by piano cliffhanger-esque music, it reads...) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. STUDIO. PASSAGE (STEVEN has got lost from SARA. He runs down a passage in the studio building and into the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: Where's Sara? STEVEN: Oh, I must've lost her. Where are we? (The DOCTOR spots a door in the passage marked "Wardrobe".) DOCTOR: In here - quick! STEVEN: Oh, oh. (A man who looks like Charlie Chaplin walks past them as STEVEN and the DOCTOR duck into the studio wardrobe room to hide.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: CAPTION (Accompanied by Middle Eastern sounding piano music, it reads...) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. SHEIK'S TENT SET (An ARAB SHEIK addresses a scantily clad female, the VAMP lounging on a chaise.) ARAB SHEIK: (In an English accent.) ...and then I will come to you on my camel, and sweep you away across the desert! (The director of this film, INGMAR KNOPF suddenly shouts out in a Scandinavian accent...) INGMAR KNOPF: No! No! Terrible! (KNOPF strides forward to remonstrate with the actor as the CAMERAMAN turns to the crew...) CAMERAMAN: Okay, Harry. Cut down at twenty-three... (His other words are drowned out as KNOPF continues the stage instructions...) INGMAR KNOPF: You've got to give it more feeling. She's not a sack of potatoes. VAMP: (In a Germanic accent.) No. He is de sack of potatoes. Vere did you find him - on a rubbish dump? ARAB SHEIK: I resent that! (As the crew starts to shout instructions and responses at each other, STEINBERGER P. GREEN rushes onto the set with some of his men and up to KNOPF.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Iggy! Iggy! Did you see them? INGMAR KNOPF: Who? Who? STEINBERGER P. GREEN: A guy and a gal. (Enthusiastically.) They just beat the living daylights out of my camera crew. It was great! INGMAR KNOPF: (Imperiously.) Perhaps you like your film interrupted, but I do not. Please do not interrupt me when I am creating. (The American CAMERAMAN walks forward.) CAMERAMAN: Ah, Mr. Ke-noff? Mr. Ke-noff? (He pronounces the name "Ke-noff". The director bristles with anger and corrects him, pronouncing the name "Ke-nerve"...) INGMAR KNOPF: Knopf! Ingmar Knopf! CAMERAMAN: Mr. Knopf. Ah, Professor Webster is here, sir. INGMAR KNOPF: Ah, good! Send him to me at once. I need him in this next scene. CAMERAMAN: Yes sir. INGMAR KNOPF: Very good. (He walks off to fetch the new arrival. There is much more busy conversation noise in the studio as GREEN continues to wax lyrical about his new "finds" to KNOPF...) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: You should have seen him! He was great! Bigger than Fairbanks! I've got to find a name for him! Something suave! INGMAR KNOPF: Please, look, please do whatever you like, but leave me alone! Get off my set! I'm trying to make a film! (He tries to hustle GREEN away but he only starts to argue with his own men. KNOPF starts to mutter instructions to an assistant but suddenly catches SARA sneaking around the back of the set and shouts out to his arguing crew...) INGMAR KNOPF: Who is this girl? If she's one of the harem, why is she wearing that peculiar clothing? STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (To his men.) I don't know. You stupid... INGMAR KNOPF: Tell her to get them off! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (To his men.) Oh, shut up! INGMAR KNOPF: ... ! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (To his men.) Alright, alright. (Some of the crew advance on SARA who backs off...) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: CAPTION (Accompanied by dramatic piano music, it reads...) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. STUDIO PASSAGE (The DOCTOR and STEVEN emerge from the wardrobe room and back into the passage.) DOCTOR: No, I must find Sara. STEVEN: You think she's still in this place? DOCTOR: I'll try up there first - you wait here. (The DOCTOR walks off looking for SARA. A moment later, the ASSISTANT DIRECTOR walks up to STEVEN and spots his police uniform.) ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Oh, there you are! Everybody's waiting. (He starts to pull at STEVEN.) STEVEN: No. Not... ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Now don't argue! Come on! (He places a truncheon into STEVEN'S hand.) STEVEN: No. You...You're making a terrible mistake. ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: We're looking and there you are. (He carries on pulling STEVEN down the passageway.) STEVEN: I'm... I'm not who... (Shouts.) Doctor! No. No, please. This is quite ridiculous. I...I have nothing to do with your film... (He manages to pull away from the DIRECTOR and runs off down the passageway. Two actors dressed as Keystone Kops pursue him and drag him back by the feet and shoulders...) STEVEN: (Shouts.) Put...put me down! Put me down!! I have never ... ! (They take him down the passageway. After a moment, the sound of a rickety old car and its horn starts up as the car moves off. Another moment later and the passageway reverberates to the sound of an almighty crash. Soon, a battered and dusty STEVEN runs away from the set and makes his escape. He is followed a moment later by the ASSISTANT DIRECTOR...) ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Now where's he got to? We need him to do that scene again. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: CAPTION (Accompanied by Middle Eastern-styled piano music, it reads...) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. SHEIK'S TENT SET (The dreadful ARAB SHEIK actor is rehearsing his line, constantly changing his stressing of the words...) ARAB SHEIK: "And then I will come to you..." "And then I will come to you." "And then I will come to you...on my camel and I will sweep you away across the desert!" INGMAR KNOPF: All right. All right. (More crew members start talking on the set.) INGMAR KNOPF: (To the ARAB SHEIK) Professor Webster isn't here yet, so please don't exhaust your capabilities. ARAB SHEIK: (Indignantly.) Now look here, Mister Ke-noff! INGMAR KNOPF: (Correcting his pronunciation) Knopf. Ingmar Knopf. ARAB SHEIK: Ke-nerve! You can't talk to me like that. I am an actor! VAMP: What! He is not an actor. You are a cheap pig! ARAB SHEIK: Get lost, Fraulein! (The studio starts to prepare for the shot.) STAGEHAND: (OOV.) Hey did you find your sword? STAGEHAND: (OOV.) No, I didn't, Mike... STAGEHAND: (OOV.) I... STAGEHAND: (OOV.) All right. All right. STAGEHAND: (OOV.) Saw it a little... STAGEHAND: (OOV.) ...saw it just down here. (The DOCTOR suddenly walks into the studio. His elderly appearance immediately causes KNOPF to mistake his identity...) INGMAR KNOPF: Professor Webster! Where have you been all this time? DOCTOR: Hmm? INGMAR KNOPF: We've been waiting for you. As our expert on Arabian customs we need your help. DOCTOR: Certainly, certainly! My help! Oh, I shall be delighted! Yes! (He declaims a line of Arabic.) INGMAR KNOPF: How very good, Professor! DOCTOR: Doctor, please! INGMAR KNOPF: Oh, Doctor! (He shows the DOCTOR round the set as the crew shouts more instructions behind them...) CAMERAMAN: (OOV.) Scene twenty-three - we'll fix it up for you. INGMAR KNOPF: This is...an...a rich Sheik's tent. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, and who's this? (The DOCTOR points to the scantily-clad VAMP.) INGMAR KNOPF: She's an Arabian princess. DOCTOR: Nonsense! You put some more clothes on, child. Go along. (Leaving an aghast VAMP behind, he walks towards a prop wooden chest.) DOCTOR: And what's all this? (He raps on the chest. It opens and SARA climbs out.) INGMAR KNOPF: (To SARA) What are you doing in there? Please, get out! You are in the next scene. A harem scene, please! DOCTOR: (To SARA as he grabs her.) Come on - to the wardrobe! (They run off.) INGMAR KNOPF: (To the DOCTOR) But Dr. Webster! Where are you going? [SCENE_BREAK] 26: CAPTION (Accompanied by dramatic piano music, it reads...) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. STUDIO PASSAGE (STEVEN comes back out of the wardrobe room having divested himself of his police tunic. Suddenly, he meets the DOCTOR and an icily annoyed SARA as they head along the passage.) STEVEN: Sara, where have you been? SARA: I don't know. But a strange man kept telling me to take my clothes off! DOCTOR: Now, come along. We must go back to the TARDIS. This is a madhouse. It's all full of Arabs! Come along. [SCENE_BREAK] 28: CAPTION (Accompanied by mellow piano music, it reads...) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. BARN SET (On the set near where the TARDIS landed, there is still a lot of commotion. The crew who were earlier attacked shout among themselves whilst BLOSSOM LEFAVRE cries to GREEN as he tries to console her, needing her to complete the scene...) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Sure, baby, sure. I know it was a bit of a shock. BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: You're tryna get ridda me! You don't want me as your star any more! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Of course I do, baby. You're great! (He turns from comforting her to yell at one of his assistants - Charlie.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Okay, Charlie, what about those props?! (He turns back to a sobbing BLOSSOM LEFAVRE and turns the oily charm back on...) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: I told you I don't want those kids for your kind of a picture. BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: But, you said you were going to make him bigger than Fairbanks. I suppose you're going to make her bigger than Pickford! (GREEN shouts at Charlie once more...) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: No, Charlie. I mean props! (BLOSSOM LEFAVRE starts to cry at being ignored and GREEN turns back to her.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: No, honey, no. She's not that kind of a girl. You're the one I'm gonna make great. (Pleading.) Now look, you're gonna...you're gonna take one more take, huh. Please? BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: Oh, all right. But this'll be the last time. STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Sure, sure. (He turns to his crew.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (Shouts.) Quiet everybody. Set up for a take! (Someone blows a whistle in the background.) FIRST STAGEHAND: (OOV.) Set up for a take! SECOND STAGEHAND: (OOV.) Set up for a take! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Makeup! STAGEHAND: (OOV.) Makeup! (Suddenly, GREEN hears and then sees the DOCTOR, STEVEN and SARA trying to return to the back of the barn set.) SARA: __! STEVEN: I've already told you ... ! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Stop! Stop those two! (Seeing that they are still wanted, SARA and STEVEN run off as GREEN and the stagehands follow them.) STAGEHAND: Hey, you two! Come back here! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Stop those two! (LEFAVRE is once more outraged at being ignored.) BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: No! No, no, no, no! Oh! (She gives up protesting and joins in the pursuit.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: CAPTION (Accompanied by piano chase music, and the sounds of the chase, it reads...) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. BACK OF THE BARN SET (Various studio people chase SARA and STEVEN through the Hollywood studio. The whole scene is a slapstick chase to cries of "Stop those two" and "Stop 'em!" that includes Keystone cops, a cowboy, a saloon bar girl, and even Charlie Chaplin.) STEVEN: Come on, Sara! STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Stop those two! (The DOCTOR has made it back to the TARDIS at the back of the set where he finds a dejected man in checked suit, striped tie and bowler hat sat on the threshold. They watch as STEVEN and SARA run past.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Stop those two! STAGEHAND: Stop those two! (The DOCTOR shouts after STEVEN and SARA.) DOCTOR: Come back, you two! CLOWN: Typical. When you're new around here, they chase you. But after a while - you're off. DOCTOR: What's that? CLOWN: All the time they want something new. New jokes? There aren't any. DOCTOR: Aren't there? Well, that's a joke in itself! (The CLOWN laughs at the DOCTOR'S remarks.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. SHEIK'S TENT SET (STEVEN and SARA and their pursuers run through the Sheik's tent set, again interrupting the filming.) INGMAR KNOPF: What are you doing? Get them out of here! And will you please tell that girl to get changed? CAMERAMAN: Yeah, yeah, Mr. Knopf. (There are more shouts from the stagehands as the chase continues...) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: CAPTION (Accompanied by the continued piano chase music, it reads...) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. BACK OF THE BARN SET (Over the hubbub of the noise of the chase, the DOCTOR and the CLOWN continue to talk.) CLOWN: Custard pies have been done by Chaplin, so I'm not allowed to. DOCTOR: Hmm, quite, quite. Now would you mind moving...? (He tries to get past the soulful little man and into the TARDIS.) CLOWN: Buckets of water, done by Chaplin. Banana skins... CLOWN & DOCTOR: (Together.) ...all done by Chaplin! DOCTOR: Hmm! Hmm! [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. SHEIK'S TENT SET (The next shot is being set up on the Sheik's tent set with the two actors.) CAMERAMAN: Now we start in close, yeah, see? And then we'll dolly back down along there. (KNOPF runs up.) INGMAR KNOPF: Hey, where's Webster? CAMERAMAN: Wh...wh...what? INGMAR KNOPF: Webster. (Suddenly an out-of-breath GREEN runs back in.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Which way did they go? INGMAR KNOPF: What are you up to? Please, where's Webster? (The whistles of the Keystone cops are heard in the background as the conversation continues.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: They came through here! Where did they go? INGMAR KNOPF: Two fools rushed over there somewhere. (He points off in the direction STEVEN and SARA took.) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: Great! INGMAR KNOPF: Where's Webster? (He runs off after his quarry.) CAMERAMAN: Where's Webster?! [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. BACK OF THE BARN SET CLOWN: They won't even let me do the wallpaper and paste routine. You know why? DOCTOR: Done by Chaplin? CLOWN: Yeah. DOCTOR: (Laughs.) Now, would you excuse me? (He tries once more to make it into the TARDIS but the CLOWN is on a roll...) CLOWN: I'll tell you something - that little Englishman has done everything. I think I'll give it up and take to singing. DOCTOR: Yes. CLOWN: But, who'd use a singer with a name like Bing Crosby? DOCTOR: Custard pies! Bing Crosby! Ha! (STEVEN and SARA run up to them with GREEN and the others close behind.) STEVEN: Doctor! (The DOCTOR, STEVEN and SARA dash into the TARDIS and dematerialise as everyone pursuing them from the Hollywood studio, including KNOPF, rushes back onto the old mill set talking and yelling. They all stop talking and look at the emptying space in stunned silence. The unusual quiet is broken as BLOSSOM LEFAVRE, oblivious to anything but her own needs, runs up to GREEN.) BLOSSOM LEFAVRE: Steinberger, just when are we gonna do my scene, huh? (There is lots of talking and confusion on the set as GREEN finds his voice...) STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (Shouts.) What great trick! They just disappeared! INGMAR KNOPF: (Shouts.) Where are we gonna find Professor Webster? Where's Webster? STEINBERGER P. GREEN: (Shouts.) I wanna use it! ... ! How's it done?! (The film-crew and stagehands yell about the disappearance of the TARDIS crew as KNOPF, having seen the DOCTOR disappear into the vanished box, shouts too...) INGMAR KNOPF: (Shouts.) Come back! Come back, Webster! Come back! (A little man in thick pebble glasses taps KNOPF on the shoulder.) PROF. WEBSTER: Excuse me. INGMAR KNOPF: What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy? PROF. WEBSTER: I'm Professor Webster. (All the crewmembers on the whole set go quiet.) INGMAR KNOPF: Who - you? PROF. WEBSTER: Yes, Professor Webster. INGMAR KNOPF: (Shouts.) Darling! (He hugs the astonished little man.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: CAPTION (Accompanied by soulful piano music, it reads...) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Within the TARDIS, STEVEN and SARA recover from their strange ordeal.) SARA: Whatever was that place? STEVEN: (Breathless.) Oh, I've no idea. I'm glad we got away. SARA: What were they doing? STEVEN: Your guess is as good as mine. Let's hope we never land there again. SARA: Oh. (The DOCTOR walks in bearing a tray with champagne and three glasses.) DOCTOR: Here we are. STEVEN: What's this? DOCTOR: Well, we so rarely get a chance to celebrate, but this time...we must. (STEVEN and SARA take a glass.) SARA: Celebrate? DOCTOR: Yes. It's Christmas. (The DOCTOR takes his own glass.) STEVEN: Is it? DOCTOR: Don't you remember? The police station - Christmas? STEVEN: So it was, yes. DOCTOR: Here's a toast - a Happy Christmas to all of us. (He takes a sip.) SARA: Oh. STEVEN: Same to you, Doctor, Sara. (The DOCTOR turns away.) DOCTOR: Incidentally... (STEVEN and SARA clink their glasses.) STEVEN AND SARA: Hey! DOCTOR: ...a happy Christmas to all of you at home! (The DOCTOR turns back to his companions and they drink their champagne.)	Plan: A: Missing episode; Q: What is the name of the episode that was supposed to be in the year 4000? A: the year 4000; Q: In what year did the Daleks conspire to conquer the Solar System? A: treachery; Q: What is at the highest levels of the Daleks' scheme? A: a weapon; Q: What is the Daleks using to destroy the fabric of time? A: catastrophe; Q: What can only the Doctor and his friends prevent? A: no guarantee; Q: Is there a guarantee that the Doctor and his friends will escape with their lives? Summary: Missing episode In the year 4000, the Daleks conspire to conquer the Solar System. Their scheme involves treachery at the highest levels and a weapon capable of destroying the very fabric of time. Only the Doctor and his friends can prevent catastrophe - and there is no guarantee they will escape with their lives...
LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill. [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - EVENING] (Brooke stands in Lucas' doorway with a box in her arms.) BROOKE: There are eighty-two letters in here. (Lucas frowns at her slightly.) BROOKE: And they're all addressed to you. (She gives the box to him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Haley is consoling Brooke who is lying dejectedly on the couch.) HALEY: So they stole a couple of designs - they didn't steal your talent. We'll put together a website. We'll sell them ourselves. (Brooke holds her fist out.) BROOKE: Clothes- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - CORRIDOR - EVENING] (Bevin walks out of the bedroom and down the corridor in one of Brooke's dresses.) BROOKE: (v.o) Over Bro's? HALEY: (looks at Bevin, amazed) Oh my gosh! PEYTON: You made that? HALEY: (in awe) Brooke! BROOKE: Uh-huh. (Bevin twirls.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Brooke holds up one of her red dresses that Rachel's just finished sewing.) BROOKE: It's actually kinda perfect. RACHEL: (stands and snatches it back) But it's mine. BROOKE: You came over here to make your own dress!? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COUNCIL BUILDING - ELECTIONS - EVENING] (Dan stands on the stairs with his arms out.) SPEAKER: Mayor of Tree Hill, North Carolina - Dan Scott! (The crowd claps and cheers. Balloons and streamers fall from the ceiling.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY] (Close-up of the note with the alcohol that sits on Dan's desk.) DAN: (v.o) I believe that's the same brand of booze used to poison me- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COUNCIL BUILDING - OFFICE - DAY] (Close-up of the TV screen which is playing a security camera tape.) DAN: (v.o) and wait for it, this is the good part;- (Cut to Dan hanging over Karen's shoulder as he pauses the tape.) DAN: that's someone you care about, buying it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - COUNTER - EVENING] (Karen is alone in the café and on the phone.) KAREN: I need to ask you something; did you try to kill Dan? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COUNCIL BUILDING - ELECTIONS - EVENING] (Close-up of the burned note that Lucas' just handed to Deb.) LUCAS: (v.o) That's the last shred of evidence. (Cut to Lucas on the steps beside her.) LUCAS: Maybe this can finally set you free. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LEAVING TREE HILL - DEB'S CAR - EVENING] (Deb is driving away from Tree Hill at night, while talking on the phone.) DEB: It's me. (pause) Lucas knows. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ELLIE'S HOUSE - CLOSET - DAY] (Peyton stands next to Ellie's vast collection of music and talks to her.) PEYTON: If you are gonna help me with... Haley's record... - [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - EVENING] (Ellie stands in the doorway, smiling.) PEYTON: -well, you could,...- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ELLIE'S HOUSE - CLOSET - DAY] PEYTON: -maybe move into the house with me. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - EVENING] (Ellie is still standing there.) ELLIE: It's a business arrangement. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - NATHAN'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (Haley is lying on Nathan's bed, looking at him.) NATHAN: (v.o) Stay with me tonight. (Haley smiles and Nathan hovers over her. She pulls him to her by taking hold of his wedding ring.) HALEY: (v.o) Oh, I was hoping you would say that. (They kiss.) FADE TO BLACK: END OF PREVIOUSLY ON: OPENING CREDITS ROLL: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH - BOY'S LOCKER ROOM - EVENING] (The camera pans slowly across the messy and deserted locker room.) LUCAS: (v.o) H. L, Mencken wrote: 'every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.' (Lucas walks into the locker room, dejectedly. He is closely pursued by Nathan and the rest of the team.) NATHAN: Great, oh and two. What the hell're you doing out there? (throws his towel aside) (Lucas faces him, pissed off.) LUCAS: Me?! Why don't you try passing the ball sometime! NATHAN: It's called carrying you! I might as well be out there alone! WHITEY: (walks in) Alright! (takes out his glasses) Let's see who won tonight's pissing contest. (puts the glasses on) Lucas Scott: (Lucas looks up at him.) WHITEY: Sixteen points. Nathan Scott: twenty-two points. (Nathan looks down.) WHITEY: (takes the glasses off) Combined desists: TWO! I guess we skipped the part about sharing the ball. Basketball is a team game and there's no 'I' in team! (Lucas and Nathan are aptly ashamed of themselves.) WHITEY: I assume you morons can spell. (He looks at them for a moment before walking away. The team don't move.) RACHEL: (v.o) S-U-C-K, what's that spell? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH - GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM - EVENING] (Rachel is standing at her open locker.) RACHEL: Ravens. (She shuts her locker door.) (Brooke steps over the bench to a grinning Haley who is brushing her hair.) BROOKE: (sighs) OK, I know you're new at this, but the cheeriness stops when we lose. HALEY: (still smiling) Hey, I'm sorry we lost but Nathan's gonna need 'consoling'. (Brooke gapes at her.) BROOKE: And you're the consolation prize? (Haley turns her head partially and smirks.) BROOKE: (nudges her) Oh, I like the way you think, roommate. HALEY: (turns to her fully) Good, because, um,... I've got dibs on the bedroom tonight. BROOKE: (surprised and impressed) Are you issuing a pre-emptive scrunchie? (Haley's smile says it all.) BROOKE: Anything for love. HALEY: (pleased) Thank you, you're the best. See you guys later. (Haley stands and walks out of the locker room. Peyton looks at Brooke accusingly.) PEYTON: I think you're rubbing off on her. BROOKE: Why? Is being desperately horny contagious? (Peyton frowns at her.) BROOKE: Guess I'll just have to sleep with Lucas. PEYTON: Oh, you mean sleep at Lucas's. BROOKE: (frowns too) Unfortunately, that's exactly what I mean; no sx till our hearts catch up with our hormones, (grabs her bag) but,... there're other things we can do. (stands behind Peyton) PEYTON: (humouring her) Oh really, under Karen's roof? (Brooke stares for a moment - open-mouthed.) BROOKE: (nodding) Being in love sucks. (Brooke pats Peyton and they walk to the exit of the locker room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH - ENTRANCE - EVENING] (The camera pans down from the sign above the gym. Nathan walks out of the boy's locker room and sees Dan standing there, waiting for him.) NATHAN: (spots him) And the worst part about losing is seeing you afterwards. DAN: (walks with him) So then stop losing. (Nathan sighs and shakes his head.) DAN: By the way, I think I isolated your problem - it's your ex-wife. (Nathan looks at Dan.) NATHAN: For your information, she's still my wife. You leave her out of this. DAN: I would but I ran into her in your bed the other day. (Nathan frowns at him.) DAN: I know you usually pull 'Cs' in history so I'm gonna give you a little help here; it has a way of repeating itself. NATHAN: What's that supposed to mean? DAN: You wanna bounce a basketball on the court or a baby on your knee? Haley gets pregnant, you stick around. How convenient for her. (Nathan scoffs disbelievingly.) NATHAN: It didn't work for Karen, did it? DAN: It worked for your mom. NATHAN: Whatever, dad, Haley would never do that. DAN: I hope you're right. But you gotta ask yourself - how far is she willing to go? (Nathan looks away at Dan's knowing look. Dan spots Haley approaching.) DAN: Haley, wow, look at you; you're absolutely 'glowing'. (Dan smirks at Nathan before walking away. Nathan gives him a warning look.) HALEY: (looks at Nathan) OK, (pushes Nathan) hi(!) NATHAN: Hey. HALEY: I'm sorry you lost. You looked good, though. NATHAN: (laughs) Yeah, thanks. HALEY: Uh, listen, I-I wanted to know if maybe you wanted to come over and I could cook dinner and... maybe (pointedly) breakfast. (laughs) (Nathan shifts uncomfortably and looks at his father who is talking to a couple out of hearing range. Dan looks back at him.) NATHAN: (deciding) I'd love to. (Haley grins and they walk off together, their arms around each other.) (Brooke and Lucas walk out of the changing rooms) BROOKE: So, what if I start sleepwalking and my pyjamas accidentally fall off (Lucas frowns as her listens) aaaand, I end up in your bed(!) LUCAS: Well, as long as you're there in the morning. (Brooke moans happily and hugs his arm which she's holding.) LUCAS: When the sun rises on my heart. (Broke slaps him hard on said arm.) BROOKE: Lucas Scott, that is so unfair, you are not allowed to quote from my letters! (Lucas is looking the other way. Brooke turns her head in the same direction and spots it. She yells happily and runs into the car park, skipping delightedly.) BROOKE: HI! (She jumps into Keith's arms. Keith gets off the car bonnet and catches her in a hug.) KEITH: Hey. BROOKE: Ohhh... (Keith imitates the noise. Lucas, recovering from the shock, finally walks to the pair.) KEITH: Hey, you. BROOKE: Hi. (turns to Lucas) Oh my god(!) LUCAS: Hey! KEITH: Oh and two; can't you do anything right without me, huh? (Lucas laughs and hugs his uncle.) LUCAS: Keith. KEITH: Hey, nephew(!) LUCAS: Oh(!) (They let go.) BROOKE: (still in shock) It is so great to have you back(!) (frowns) Is Jules with you? KEITH: Uhh, no. BROOKE: Good. I never liked her, by the way. (Keith laughs and Lucas shakes his head.) BROOKE: I'm, um,... I'm gonna... crash on my couch - give you two some catch-up time. (smiles and hugs Keith again) It's so good to see you. KEITH: (hugs her back) Hmmm, you too. (Brooke turns to Lucas.) BROOKE: You, on the other hand, I never want to see again(!) (Lucas laughs.) BROOKE: (to Keith) Bye(!) (She bounces away.) KEITH: I guess that makes you... oh and three, (puts his arm around Lucas' shoulders) huh? LUCAS: Yep(!) (They start walking.) KEITH: So, how is it? LUCAS: Not bad. Oh, it's good to see you. FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERWALK - STREETS - EVENING] (Lucas and Keith walk together down the street - drinking coffee that isn't Karen's.) KEITH: OK, so, what's the story with Brooke? You're back together and... (amused) and she says she never wants to see you again? (Lucas laughs.) LUCAS: Yeah, we're back together. (pause) But she wrote... letters over the summer and I've been reading one a day and kinda teasing her. KEITH: Hmmm, love letters. Well, that's uh,... one step up from tattoos. (Lucas points at him and they walk half way up some steps to a fountain. They stop.) LUCAS: (suddenly serious) Look, um,... I know you were upset with me when you left. I shoulda told you about Jules. KEITH: Yeah, you should have. (pause) But,... you know, that's a tough one. (They sit on the steps.) KEITH: (laughs) Keith, your, uh,... lunatic brother hired you fiancé to sleep with you and break your heart. Up for a game of horse? (Keith smiles good-heartedly and Lucas laughs.) LUCAS: I know, but, I- KEITH: (heads him off) Hey, look, Luke,... I forgave you a long time ago. You were protecting me, you know? And... messed up as it was, you did what you thought was right. LUCAS: (smiles) So where you been? I mean, why'd it take you so long to find Jules? KEITH: Oh, it didn't. (sighs) Once I knew her real name, it wasn't that hard. (pause) But the woman that I found wasn't Jules. (pause) Emily wasn't the person that I thought she was. (pause) More importantly,... she wasn't your mom; took me longer to deal with that. LUCAS: (nods) That why you came back? KEITH: ... I came back because... Deb told me everything. (Lucas nods.) KEITH: You know, pulling Dan out of the fire was a brave thing, Luke. Stupid,... but brave. A lotta guys would've never gone in there. LUCAS: Sometimes, I wish I hadn't. KEITH: Yeah,... who else knows what you did? LUCAS: Well, you, me and Deb... and Dan. He kinda choked it outta me. (Keith's eyes widen angrily.) LUCAS: No, its fine, it's... it's OK. (pause) And Peyton! (pause) Knows too. (Keith scoffs) KEITH: You kept the Jules secret for two months. (grins) Nice work. (Lucas laughs.) KEITH: So, how's your mom? LUCAS: She'll be happy to see you. KEITH: (hastily) Oh, do me a favour,... let me surprise her. (Lucas laughs again and thumps him on the arm.) KEITH: (holds the cup up) Yep? LUCAS: Got it. (knocks cups with him) (They drink.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - EVENING] (The camera pans up from the foot of the bed. There is a lot of music lying on the bed. Ellie is looking through it all. Peyton walks in and stops at her doorway. Ellie looks at her.) ELLIE: Hey! How was the game? (Peyton's still shocked that Ellie's living with her. She just smiles and enters.) ELLIE: Oh, that bad, huh? PEYTON: No, it's just... this is odd, right? Like... I don't know, just odd having somebody else here. (Ellie nods and looks down at the music again.) PEYTON: It's a good odd, though. (Peyton's put her foot in it and knows it.) PEYTON: (cautiously) We got any bands yet? ELLIE: (shakes her head) I have calls out to everyone. (Peyton turns her head and looks at the door of her closet. The door she normally writes the names of bands on.) ELLIE: Nobody wants to be the first to commit... but all it takes is one band - the rest will fall in line. (She picks up a newspaper and stands from the bed.) ELLIE: Check this out. Nada Surf is playing in Charlotte tomorrow night. (grins) They'd be great for the album, don't you think? (Ellie shows Peyton the ad where she's circled Nada Surf's name.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - KITCHEN - EVENING] (Close-up of a large bowl of pasta which Haley's stirring.) HALEY: OK, just try a little bit of that. (She holds out a huge spoon with pasta on it for Nathan to try. He tries it.) NATHAN: Hmm, (pause) too much mac, not enough cheese. (Haley dumps the spoon back into the bowl. Nathan pulls a photo album towards him.) HALEY: So, uh, what were you and Dan talking about after the game? NATHAN: (avoiding eye contact) Oh, um,... just the, the usual - Dan trying to control my life. (He looks at a picture of a couple holding a baby and the same baby on her own, dressed in pink with a pink wand.) HALEY: (smiling fondly) Look how cute she is. (She is grating more cheese. Nathan looks at her worriedly. Haley continues to grate the cheese and gets a finger in the way.) HALEY: Ow! Oh! (She turns away and moans in pain.) NATHAN: You OK? Let me see. (He stands up and walks to her. She holds her hand out to him.) NATHAN: Oh, yeah, you just grazed it. Let me get you a band aid. HALEY: OK, in the bathroom. Kiss first. (He kisses her. She turns and walks away, sucking her thumb. She turns on the tap and runs her thumb under it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - BATHROOM - EVENING] (Shot from inside the cabinet. Nathan opens the door and looks inside. He opens the one next to it and looks inside there too. He lifts out a pill tub and frowns at it. Brooke walks in and spots him.) BROOKE: What're you doing? (smiles suspiciously) NATHAN: Oh, I was just... (looks back at the tub) (He smiles and replaces it.) NATHAN: looking for band aids. BROOKE: Well, buddy, you found my birth control patches. Those... fix a whole other problem. (points) Next cabinet. (She leaves the bathroom. Nathan opens the next door and finds the band aids but no more birth control. He reaches up and keeps on rummaging.) (Brooke is at the kitchen counter, looking through the mail.) BROOKE: OK, the bedroom is all yours! I'll be sleeping on the couch all night; praying I don't hear the boring married sx(!) (She pulls out a letter and reads it. Haley turns to her with a grin.) BROOKE: Oh my god! (Haley turns back to Brooke and listens.) BROOKE: (reading the letter) Congratulations, your designs have been selected to appear at this years Rouge Vogue showcase(!) HALEY: (impressed) Cool, what's Rouge Vogue? BROOKE: It's like a competition for emerging fashion designers in New York! 'Your designs will be modelled for all the major labels.' Shut up! HALEY: (shocked) Brooke, that's so awesome! I didn't even know you applied. BROOKE: I didn't. That's why this is so bizarre! HALEY: Wait a second. Remember last year; Lucas submitted Peyton's artwork to THUD magazine? BROOKE: Oh, you're right. (shakes her head and smiles) This has Lucas written all over it. He is so sweet! (She reads the letter again.) BROOKE: Unless, of course, he's being a total jerk and quoting my letters to me which I am getting back, by the way! I'm gonna Google this. (holds the letter up) HALEY: OK, but not in the bedroom- (She stops and sighs when Brooke ignores her.) HALEY: Still bleeding, here. (Nathan walks in with the band aid and strips off the plastic backing.) HALEY: What took you so long? NATHAN: I, uh, I couldn't find it. (pause) Haley, um, the other night when we were together, um,... (puts the band aid on her finger) I mean, we're good with birth control, right? (She looks at him sharply.) NATHAN: You're still on it? HALEY: Well, of course I am, but I wasn't that night. (Nathan looks away.) HALEY: I'm sorry, I know it was stupid, I just, um,... NATHAN: (sighs) Yeah, I g-I gotta go. (He turns and walks away.) HALEY: What?! What-why-what is this? NATHAN: I can't believe my dad was right. HALEY: You talked to Dan about this?! (Nathan opens the front door.) HALEY: Nathan! Nathan, please don't walk out! You do it all the time! NATHAN: That's because it keeps me from saying things you don't wanna hear! (He slams the door shut and Haley sighs; throwing her arms up and shaking her head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH - SCHOOL BUS - DAWN] (Lucas walks around the school bus, to the rest of the team who are all tired. Whitey steps out of the bus.) WHITEY: (grinning) Good morning, gentlemen! (looks around at them) Well, five am comes awful early, especially when you're oh and two! (He frowns at his co-captains who seem to stand awfully close to one another more often than not; even though they don't like each other.) WHITEY: Get on the bus! Now! LUCAS: Where're we going? WHITEY: To our gym. (smiles coldly) NATHAN: Coach, you're getting senile - this is our gym. WHITEY: Not anymore. Come on, load up, go! (He blows the whistle very close to Lucas' ears. Lucas puts a hand to his ear and winces as he follows the other players.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DECREPIT GYM - DAWN] (Focus on a broken basketball hoop. There's an ungodly squeal as the door opens. Pan down as Whitey and the team enter.) WHITEY: I hope you boys have had your tetanus shots. (smiles to himself) Because you're gonna be spending a lot of time here. (Lucas frowns as he walks in.) RANDOM PLAYER: What's wrong with the other gym? WHITEY: Got my name on it, (walks in and turns to them) and I'm tired of you all disgracing it. (pause) So it's either... find another gym or change my name... (pause as he glares at them) and I like my name. NATHAN: You really expect us to practice in this dump? WHITEY: (laughs) Oh, not only practice; till further notice, you're gonna play all your games in here. (Nathan sneers at it. Whitey picks up a broom.) WHITEY: But first, (pause) you're gonna clean it up. (There's a squeal before a shot of the biggest rat in the world running across the other end of the court.) WHITEY: Here you go. (throws the broom at Nathan) Co-captain(!) (Whitey smirks and laughs. The guys look around at their 'project'. Lucas nods and sighs.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: FADDE IN: [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - DAY] (Lucas' bed is a tip. There are books and clothes everywhere. Pan across to Brooke going through his drawers. She has turned his room upside-down in search of her letters. Lucas walks in and stops when he sees her. He coughs.) BROOKE: (looking at him) Where are my letters, I want them back! (He's not bothered about what she's done to his room, at all.) LUCAS: Oh, Brooke, seeing you like this makes... the sun go down on my heart. (She throws a piece of clothing at him.) BROOKE: Oh, I hate you! (He catches it and laughs.) BROOKE: This is not fair. You don't get to tease me! LUCAS: (throws the socks back) OK, I'll stop! (walks to her) You know, I missed you last night. (He corners her against the chest of drawers.) BROOKE: Well, I was gonna invite you to spend the night, tonight. You know, (he tries to kiss her and she puts her hand over his mouth) reward you for doing a little writing of your own. (Lucas thinks about her response, confused.) LUCAS: Reward me? BROOKE: But now there's price for admission. LUCAS: (sighs) Let me guess; the letters. BROOKE: Yep. Bring them... (brings him forward slightly) or you'll find out what it's like to be teased. (She walks out of his room. Lucas looks around at the mess his room has become.) LUCAS: (yelling behind him) Oh, don't worry, I'll clean up! (The front door opens and closes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH - GROUNDS - DAY] (Brooke scowls and stomps across the grounds to where Rachel's voice can be heard.) RACHEL: (o.s) So the guy told me he was twenty-six. (Pan across to Rachel talking to a group of girls.) RACHEL: But he was really twenty-two - big mistake. (Brooke takes her by the arm and drags her away.) BROOKE: You think that's funny, don't you? Wearing my clothes. (Brooke crosses her arms and so does Rachel.) RACHEL: Well, I made it. Besides, it's free advertising. BROOKE: Oh, really? I thought you charge by the hour(!) (Brookes continues walking and grabs hold of Haley who's at the notice board.) BROOKE: Hey. (Haley turns.) HALEY: Hm? (They walk together.) BROOKE: I'm officially confirming my room reservation for tonight. Lucas is coming over for his 'thank you' for submitting me to Rouge Vogue. HALEY: You, you do know there are other ways to paying someone, right? BROOKE: Oh, none so fun. HALEY: Well, I hope you guys have more fun that I did last night. BROOKE: Yeah, what caused the Naley Interruptus anyway? (Haley sighs harshly and indicates the bench so that they can sit down and talk. Both girls sit.) HALEY: OK,... when Nathan and I slept together, we kind of,... weren't protected. (Realisation dawns on Brooke.) BROOKE: No wonder he was snooping through the bathroom(!) Haley, you're usually little miss responsible. I am all for the sx part, but I kinda wanna slap you for the lack of protection part. HALEY: (grinning) Brooke, I know about birth control, OK? My mum sat me down a long time ago and asked me what I was more afraid of getting: herpes or pregnant. BROOKE: And what'd you say? HALEY: I said 'I haven't even kissed a boy, I'm only seven'. BROOKE: (impressed) Your mom was progressive. (Haley looks away. Brooke leans forward.) BROOKE: You're not... pregnant, right? HALEY: No, and I'm on the pill now. BROOKE: OK, so what's really the problem? HALEY: That's what I said(!) BROOKE: You told him? HALEY: Yeah, well hence the walkout. BROOKE: Well, Haley, what'd you expect? There are deal breakers for seventeen year old boys, even married ones. There's a time to keep your mouth shut and there's a time to lie; that was a lie-time. HALEY: (shakes her head) I don't wanna lie to my husband. BROOKE: (frowns) I guess that's in the vows, huh? I wonder if you knew that when you signed up at the ripe old age of, like, twelve. HALEY: OK, the point is, I think Nathan thinks that I did this on purpose - like I was trying to trap him into something. BROOKE: ... Did you? HALEY: Brooke, no. BROOKE: Look, I'm just saying, if you didn't stop him then... maybe... somewhere, on some level... it's what you wanted. (Haley's eyebrows draw together and she frowns.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - FRONT DOOR - DAY] (Keith is seen walking to the door through the glass. He looks inside, smiles and stops. He opens the door and enters. Karen's at a table, pouring coffee.) KEITH: Still got the best cup of coffee in town? (Karen looks at him and then immediately drops the jug of coffee, eyes wide. She jumps back and looks down before looking back at him with a gasp.) KEITH: Guess not anymore. (He walks forward and so does Karen. They hug and laugh.) KAREN: (delighted) Oh, you shouldn't have come back! Dan still thinks you tried to kill him. KEITH: (laughs) Yeah. Well, like I told you on the phone; he's wrong. (They bend down to pick up the mess she made.) KAREN: Dan doesn't care about what's right or wrong. He cares about winning. KEITH: Well, don't worry about that. (Karen dabs up the spilt coffee with a towel.) KEITH: I'm gonna see Dan, (she looks back at him) and I'm gonna straighten things out. (pause) He may be the mayor, sorry about that, by the way. (Karen grins.) KEITH: But I'm still his big brother. (They smile at each other for a bit.) KEITH: You know, I thought about you every day I was gone... and you're even... prettier than I remembered. (Karen's smile widens.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DECREPIT GYM - DAY] (Nathan bounces a ball and looks at the hoop while the rest of the team clean up. He gets the ball through the hoop. Lucas catches it and bounces it angrily.) LUCAS: (looking at Nathan) What,... too good to clean like everybody else? (He leans on the broom. Nathan watches him unwaveringly.) NATHAN: Yes. LUCAS: What is your problem anyway?! NATHAN: My problem is you and Whitey are both screwing up my shot at playing college ball. (walks to Lucas) (Lucas walks forward also and holds out the ball. As Nathan reaches for it, Lucas rethinks and throws it aside, hard.) LUCAS: What, you think NO ONE else wants to play in college?! NATHAN: No, I think I'm the only person who needs to! With my grades, if I don't get a scholarship, I'll end up playing in gyms for a living. LUCAS: Yeah, right! (Whitey spots them.) WHITEY: (approaching them) Well, well, I see my captains are setting another stellar example. (Lucas and Nathan continue to glare at each other.) WHITEY: Get back to work! (Nathan looks at Whitey, scoffs and turns around. He walks to the exit.) WHITEY: NATHAN! (Nathan doesn't answer; he continues walking without a hitch. Whitey looks at Lucas briefly but isn't spared a glance. Lucas shakes his head and continues sweeping.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COUNCIL BUILDING - DAN'S OFFICE - DAY] (Dan is sitting at his desk, writing. His door opens and Keith enters. Dan looks up.) DAN: ... Well, well. The booze-hound returns. (leans back in his chair) (Keith smiles and walks forward.) DAN: Never thought you'd show your face around Tree Hill again. (pause) I guess you finally grew a pair. KEITH: Well, I always had a pair, Danny. (smiles) Just ask your wife. DAN: Hm. Hey, did you ever find Jules? I need an address to send her W2s KEITH: I, uh, hear you think I tried to kill you. (walks forward) Trust me, if I did,... you'd be dead. DAN: Oh, I doubt it. In fact, the attempt on my life has all the markings of the Keith Scott operation. Starting with the fact it was a failure. (Keith laughs.) DAN: You know, (gets out of the chair) I should have run for this office a long time ago; with it's privileges, I get access to things. For instance - (He walks to one of the side drawers and pulls the top one open.) DAN: the official investigation into the dealership fire. It was ruled an accident. (He takes out a box and walks back behind his desk.) DAN: (sighs) But I know someone gave me a drugged bottle of scotch that night. (Dan holds up an evidence bag.) DAN: So it stands to reason - whoever bought the bottle,... also set the fire. (Keith smiles and laughs a bit. Dan puts the bag back in the box, takes the TV remote and plays the same tape he played for Karen. The screen switches on and Keith is standing there, the bottle of scotch in front of him on the counter. He's getting ready to pay for it.) (Keith nods. Dan turns his head and looks at him.) DAN: I guess that means you. (Cut back to the screen as the sales assistant gives Keith his change.) KEITH: Man buys booze - call the FBI(!) DAN: I haven't even started yet. KEITH: (uncaring) Well, you can't find something that's not there, Danny. Like, uh, your heart, for instance. (Keith walks to the door.) KEITH: Oh, (looks back, deadly serious) by the way,... (pause) you ever touch Lucas again,... you'll wish I'd killed you. (Dan stands motionless as Keith exits, looking back once.) (Focus on Dan's set face as the door slams off-screen.) FADE TO BLACK: [SCENE_BREAK] COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - DAY] (There's a shot of the basketball net from underneath as the basketball goes through. Nathan catches it and looks at the ball with a frown. He turns around and walks up the court.) DAN: (walking up) What the hell is this?! Why doesn't my key to the front door work? NATHAN: (walking to him) I changed the locks... and the alarm code so don't even think about it. DAN: Funny. Almost as funny as a mother who deserts her son. (pause) At least your father checks in on you. (holds his hand out for the ball) NATHAN: (passes the ball) Mom's better off without you. So am I. DAN: Really? Then why aren't you at practice? (Dan throws the ball at the hoop, and as always, it goes in.) NATHAN: Whitey kicked us out of the Field House. (Dan picks up the ball again) Now we gotta play in that crappy old gym. DAN: Don't worry. I'll get my people to figure out some sort of health code violation. NATHAN: I don't even know why you care. DAN: Because you're a high calibre player; you deserve the best. (tosses the ball) (Nathan catches the ball.) NATHAN: You mean, like, Oak Lake Academy? (Dan looks down.) NATHAN: Yeah, mom told me they made an offer and that you kept it a secret from me. DAN: Ah, it's nice to see your mother's still using her mouth. (pause) There's a reason I didn't tell you about Oak Lake. (Nathan scoffs.) DAN: Listen, if you play there, you're a small fish in a big pond, but at Tree Hill, you can shine for the scouts and that's been the plan all along. NATHAN: Dad, the plan's not working(!) There are no scouts, not with the way we're playing. DAN: I can exert some leverage; get the offer back on the table! It's not too late! NATHAN: Dad, that's not the point. The point is, it should have been my decision, not yours. DAN: ... You're absolutely right. No one should determine your future but you. Not me, not your mom, not even your wife. (pause) By the way, is it just me or has she put on a little bit of weight? NATHAN: You're wrong about Haley. She's on the pill. DAN: (laughs) Is that what she told you? Well, it sounds like Deb. Well, you know what they say; we marry our mothers. (He grins and walks around Nathan.) DAN: (looking back over his shoulder) And trust me,... don't take anything for granted. (Dan leaves and Nathan turns back to his basketball hoop. He misses the shot.) (He sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROE RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE - DAY] (Karen walks down the steps to Keith who's fixing her car.) KAREN: How's it coming? (Keith shuts the hood and shrugs.) KEITH: It's done. (Karen smiles and walks to him.) KEITH: You know, uh,... Andy could've probably hired a couple of guys to do this for you. (opens Karen's door for her) (Karen smiles.) KEITH: How is he anyway? KAREN: Andy? Well, he's handsome, generous, wealthy. KEITH: Ah, well, three out of the three ain't bad. KAREN: Well, he wasn't the one for me. (looks at Keith steadily) I travelled half way around the world and figured out that... everything I ever wanted was here all along. (Keith doesn't reply.) KAREN: You know? (smiles) KEITH: (nods) Yeah, I do. (smiles) KAREN: (flustered) Well, I should,... get to the café. (She gets into the car and Keith shuts the door for her.) KEITH: I'll see ya. (She starts the car and drives away. Lucas rounds the corner and watches his mother. As she disappears, he looks at Keith.) KEITH: When was the last time you gave that car an oil change? (Lucas winces and Keith picks up a ball.) LUCAS: I've been very busy. (Keith throws the football at him.) KEITH: You busy now? (Lucas catches it and drops his bag.) KEITH: (somehow ending up with the ball again) So, how was Brooke's letter of the day? (Keith throws the ball hard and Lucas catches it.) LUCAS: Angry. (looks at the ball) Just reminded me of how much I hurt her last time, you know? (throws the ball back) KEITH: Well, that's understandable. (pause) You know, you want your relationship to move forward; at some point, you gotta let go of the past. (pause) Start writing a new future (tosses the ball hard) LUCAS: (catches it again) Wait a second. Are we still talking about Brooke? Or you and mom? (throws the ball equally as hard) (There's a loud thud as Keith catches it.) KEITH: (grinning evilly) Go long. (Lucas runs and Keith hurls the ball. Lucas runs and watches it. He jumps and catches it before pointing at Keith and throwing it back.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHARLOTTE - NADA SURF CONCERT - EVENING] (Nada Surf are on the stage, singing 'Concrete Bed'. There's a large crowd listening.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CHARLOTTE - BACK ALLEY - EVENING] (Shot of the wet ground as Peyton and Ellie walk across it.) PEYTON: So, considering the show's sold out and we don't have tickets, how're we supposed to get in? ELLIE: Oh, relax. Follow my lead. (She pulls out her phone and holds it to her ear, pretending to talk to someone.) ELLIE: (into the phone) No, Maurice, you're not hearing me, I said room temp water for Matthew. (Looks at the bouncer.) ELLIE: (indicating Peyton to him) She's with me. (The bouncer reaches over to open the door for her.) ELLIE: (into the phone) Well tell them to make it right or I'm gonna come down and crack some skulls. (Ellie and Peyton walk in.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CHARLOTTE - NADA SURF CONCERT - EVENING] (Nada Surf are still on the stage, playing.) (Ellie and Peyton move to the back area and Peyton still can't believe it.) PEYTON: OK, how'd you know he wouldn't stop us? ELLIE: First rule of a rock tour; nobody knows what anybody else is doing. (They climb over the barrier.) (Cut back to the stage and the band continues to perform.) (Cut back to Peyton and Ellie.) ELLIE: See that guy down there who's on two cell phones at one time? (Peyton looks and sees for herself.) ELLIE: That's the band's manager. Go get him. PEYTON: (shocked) What?! ELLIE: I got you in here - the rest is up to you. (turns Peyton back to the manager) You can do this. Go! (Peyton looks ahead apprehensively. She turns her head to look at Ellie before turning back around and walking to the manager with a nervous smile.) (Cut to the stage where Nada Surf are still performing.) (Cut back backstage where the manager is hanging up his phones.) MANAGER: (into the phone) Look, I gotta go. PEYTON: (quickly) Excuse me, my name's Peyton Sawyer. (he looks at her) Um,... I-I work a lot of bands for the club I work for; like, you know, Jimmy Eat World, and I've gotten Fall Out Boy and.. and now I'm putting together this compilation CD. MANAGER: That sounds cool, but the label doesn't like the band to compete against themselves, you know? Record sales. PEYTON: OK, but,... this would actually be really good for the band coz all the proceeds are gonna go towards breast cancer research. (he looks at her) And, besides, when have you guys cared about the label anyway, right? (grins) (The manager looks to the side where he can see the band on the stage.) PEYTON: The band has a history of following their hearts and their own creative instincts. I mean, look at their second album, when the label wouldn't release The Proximity Effect you guys just... you know, you put it out yourself and you were right, it was a great album. MANAGER: Benefit album, huh? (Peyton nods, her expression hopeful.) MANAGER: Alright. I'll talk to the guys. No promises. (Peyton accepts that and nods, smiling.) (Cut back to the stage Nada Surf finishes the song and the crowd cheer.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - EVENING] (Brooke opens the door to Lucas and her box. He hands her letters over.) BROOKE: (taking it with a smile) You may enter. (Lucas walks in and pushes the door slightly. Nathan walks up and stops it from shutting.) NATHAN: (peeking in) Is Haley home? BROOKE: (walking to the bedroom with Lucas) You mean the Haley that promised to get the hell outta here? (Nathan shuts the door. Lucas sighs and turns.) LUCAS: Whitey told me to tell you to get your butt back to practice. NATHAN: Tell Whitey I'll be back when it's practice - not spring cleaning. (Lucas opens the door, Brooke walks in and Lucas scoffs at his brother; shaking his head.) HALEY: (from inside the room) Wh-! (She's shoved out of the door. It slams behind her and she sighs, looking at Nathan.) NATHAN: Did you think about it? Having a baby to stay together? (Haley glares at him before closing her eyes on it. She sighs and shakes her head slightly. Laughing to herself, she walks forward.) HALEY: Nathan, I am seventeen years old; we're still in high school; you and I are totally in limbo. (opens the fridge door) No, I don't want a baby. (She grabs a bottle and shuts the door.) NATHAN: You knew you weren't protected that night. HALEY: Well, first of all, it takes two; guy without a condom. Second, the only thing that I was thinking about that night was being with my husband. The fact that you think I was trying to trap you into something is really insulting. (opens the bottle) NATHAN: Then why'd you go off birth control? HALEY: (annoyed) Because I was on tour and you weren't with me, and contrary to what you were thinking, I wasn't sleeping with Chris Keller! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - EVENING] (Brooke and Lucas are making out on the bed.) LUCAS: You know, (thinks) I just promised myself the next time I had sx, that I'd be in love. (Brooke looks at him steadily. Lucas looks away.) LUCAS: (looking back) Well I guess it's a good thing I'm in love. (kisses her) BROOKE: Oh! (She laughs and falls on top of him on the bed. She starts to unbutton his shirt. Nathan can be heard through the door.) NATHAN: (o.s) I never said that! (Brooke and Lucas stop and look towards the closed door.) NATHAN: (o.s) You still should've told me, Haley. HALEY: (o.s) Told you what?! That when you have sx, (Lucas groans and drops his head back) there's a risk of pregnancy?! (Lucas winces and Brooke stops the unbuttoning, patting him lightly on the chest.) NATHAN: (o.s) Haley, I know! (Brooke and Lucas get off the bed.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - KITCHEN - EVENING] (Nathan and Haley are having a heated argument.) HALEY: You should have told me that having sx turns you into an ass! NATHAN: Haley, what if something would've happened,... huh? That would've changed our lives forever! HALEY: Like what, marriage?! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - EVENING] (Lucas and Brooke have their ears pressed against the door, eavesdropping.) BROOKE: Ohhh, she's good(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - KITCHEN - EVENING] NATHAN: I know we're married. I'm talking about basketball, my career. HALEY: Oh, OK, so let me get this straight: you're the one with goals and dreams and the only thing I want, apparently, is you back! (Nathan puts a hand to his head and looks down.) HALEY: I'm not that desperate, Nathan. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - EVENING] LUCAS: Sounds about right. BROOKE: (frowning) I know. (Nathan and Haley continue to yell at each other.) BROOKE: Makes me feel like I'm still living at home with my parents. Without the... drinking and the death threats. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - KITCHEN - EVENING] HALEY: And if you're so worried about it then-then why didn't you stop us that night. It's just as much your responsibility as it is mine! NATHAN: You're right; it is my responsibility. (pause) Let me see the pills. (Haley looks at him for a beat before sighing and walking around the counter.) HALEY: I can not believe you still don't believe me(!) (She rummages through her bag and pulls out the tub.) HALEY: Here! (holds them out to him and slams them into his chest) Take em! (tearfully) I don't need them anymore. (She turns and walks to the door.) NATHAN: Haley! (She opens the door and turns back.) HALEY: Your future as a basketball player is totally secure; you're future as my husband, not so much! (slams the door) (Nathan looks at the door regretfully.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - EVENING] (The front door slams off-screen) LUCAS: (o.s) Second door slam - you think they're gone? (Pan right to show Lucas and Brooke sitting on the floor, leaning against the foot of her bed. Brooke looks at him.) BROOKE: Unless she's coming back to kill him. (Lucas laughs.) BROOKE: (pouting) I just wanted to have a special night with you to thank you for getting me into Rouge Vogue. (Lucas looks at her and his eyebrows crease. He looks at her, completely lost.) LUCAS: What's Rogue Vogue? BROOKE: That fashion show in New York. (grinning) Hello, I know you sent my application in. (Lucas turns away from her and thinks. It's obvious that this is the first time he's heard of it.) BROOKE: ... Unless you didn't. (Lucas doesn't reply.) BROOKE: But if it wasn't you, who else would it be? LUCAS: I wish it was me. It sounds pretty cool. I should know you well enough to do something like that. BROOKE: (distracted) Well, don't feel bad - I guess I'm not exactly encyclopaedia Luketannica - I thought it was you. LUCAS: You know, if you wanna get to know each other better, we could always talk about those letters. (looks at her) BROOKE: Or, we could cut out my heart and you could stomp on it(!) (Lucas laughs.) BROOKE: Luke, it's embarrassing, you were never meant to read those. LUCAS: Brooke,... I love (looks at the box on her bed) those letters. The girl in them is so open and honest. BROOKE: I don't know why it's so easy for me to get naked one way and not the other. LUCAS: I do. (pause) I hurt you pretty bad. (Brooke smiles and nods.) LUCAS: I'm not gonna do it again. (Brooke smiles and kisses him. She takes a deep breath and pulls the box down from on top of the bed. She puts it on his lap and lets the breath out. He looks at her hard, eyebrows drawn.) LUCAS: You're sure? BROOKE: (nods) Um-hm. (Lucas smiles and she puts her hand on his.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE ROAD - PEYTON'S CAR - EVENING] (Peyton's car drives up.) ELLIE: (o.s) Peyton, you were great back there. (Shot cuts inside the car where Ellie is sitting, looking at Peyton.) ELLIE: Whatever happens, you should be really proud. (Peyton nods, barely proud at all. Ellie smiles to herself.) ELLIE: Your mom would be too. (Peyton spares her a glance as she drives.) PEYTON: Thanks. ELLIE: She was great - she's the reason I picked your parents to be your parents. (Peyton listens.) ELLIE: Day you were born,... was fourteen hours of labour. You kicked through the whole third trimester but then you didn't wanna come out. (Peyton smiles.) ELLIE: You were stubborn even back then. (pause) When you finally did,... the nurses took you away; that was the policy of adoption. (Peyton nods sadly.) ELLIE: But your mom was there... and she bought you back to me. (pause) She wanted us to spend some time together. (Peyton doesn't speak) She was kind. PEYTON: (hesitates) Can I ask you about the cancer? ELLIE: (thinks) Never had the surgery. I had chemo... it made me really sick... but the cancer went away... (nods) for a while. PEYTON: (tentatively) So what're you doing now? ELLIE: (smiles) I'm spending time with you. (Peyton's phone rings and she looks down at it. She frowns at the screen - completely taking her eyes off the road - and answers it.) PEYTON: Hello? (She listens.) PEYTON: Seriously?! (pause) No, you-you won't regret it. No, I promise. (listens) OK. Thank you so much(!) (nods) OK, bye. (She hangs up the phone and waits a beat before looking at Ellie.) PEYTON: (silently pleased) Nada Surf is in. (Ellie yells happily.) ELLIE: Yeah! (Cut back outside as Peyton's car zooms past.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - DAY] (Nathan is outside again, playing basketball by himself. He gets the ball through the basket repeatedly. Lucas slowly walks up to him. Nathan grabs the ball after getting it through the hoop again and turns around. He spots his brother.) NATHAN: If you're here to get me back in that gym, you can forget about it. (Lucas doesn't say anything, he just nods slightly. Nathan looks away uncomfortably.) LUCAS: I heard your... fight with Haley last night. NATHAN: (annoyed) Why don't you stop interfering with things that you know nothing about? LUCAS: (breathes deeply) You know Brooke and I had a pregnancy scare? (looks at Nathan hard) Yeah, your future flashes in front of your eyes; (Nathan looks down) everything you've always planned on... changes... and for a second... it puts you in Dan's shoes. (Nathan doesn't reply and Lucas waits a beat before continuing.) LUCAS: The team needs you back, Nate. You know, you and I aren't the only ones with futures riding on this season. You know, but if we get a streak going,... if we take a run at state, these guys will feel what's it's like to win and that's something that they will strive for long after high school basketball's over. (Nathan keeps quiet but bounces that basketball once - hard. Lucas shrugs.) LUCAS: Think about it. (Lucas walks away. Nathan bounces the ball again) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DECREPIT GYM - DAY] (Lucas is standing at the broken basketball hoop. He straightens it and Whitey holds out a tool to him. Lucas takes it. The door opens and Dan enters.) WHITEY: (glaring at Dan but addressing the team) Thought I told you boys to kill all the cockroaches. DAN: Whitey, you're practically begging me to come in and take this team away from you. WHITEY: Well, since you've lost every game you've coached, it'd be a perfect match. (smirks) DAN: Go ahead, make jokes. I hope you're laughing when Nathan transfers. (The door opens a second time.) DAN: Coz I made a few calls and we're outta here. (Nathan enters.) DAN: You really think he'd play in a crap-hole like this? (Dan turns and looks at Nathan.) DAN: Come on, son, time to go. (Nathan looks at Lucas, Whitey and finally Dan.) NATHAN: For you maybe. (Dan stops on his way to the exit and looks at Nathan. Nathan spares another glance at Whitey. Whitey laughs at Dan.) WHITEY: Get outta my crap-hole, Danny. (Nathan smiles at Whitey and he returns it with a discreet wink. Dan catches it but follows commands and exits. Nathan turns and starts painting the wall a dark blue. Cut to Lucas at the hoop with his spanner. He grins amusedly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KAREN'S CAFÉ (EST) - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - COUNTER - EVENING] (Karen and Keith are sat at the counter, smiling.) KAREN: You know, I shoulda told you about Jules when I found out. KEITH: Nah, (shakes his head) isn't your fault. KAREN: We shouldn't have secrets. (Keith lowers his mug and nods.) KAREN: I saw you the day of the fire - across the street. Didn't I? (Keith hesitates and doesn't meet her eyes. He looks back down at the counter.) KAREN: Why were you here that day? KEITH: ... Well, I, um,... I came back to see you... and... (shakes his head) then I heard that, uh,... you were on your way to New Zealand to be with Andy... and so I, uh, did something I hadn't done for a long time... I had a drink. (looks at her and nods) Then I had a few more. KAREN: Is that why you were buying the liquor? (Keith nods.) KAREN: The one that Dan thinks is some kind of evidence? (laughs nervously) KEITH: Yeah. (nods) After that, everything just... spun outta control. And that's where... Dan's half right. (Keith looks up at Karen.) KEITH: You know, I was in a drunken haze and... I did have a broken heart... and I wanted revenge. (Karen looks away, upset. Keith shakes his head.) KEITH: So, all my problems pointed right toward Dan Scott. (pause) And so I, uh,... decided to kill him. (Karen looks at him sharply.) KEITH: But, I didn't do it. KAREN: What stopped you? (Keith turns away from her and faces forward. He exhales harshly.) KEITH: Deb. (nods) (Shot pans down to his mug as he holds it.) FLASHBACK TO: [INT. HOTEL - KEITH'S ROOM - EVENING] (Close-up of a glass. The alcohol's almost gone. Keith drinks most of it and sets it on the bedside table. There is a very shiny, silver gun in the table. Keith gets off the bed and walks to more bottles of alcohol on the table in the middle of the room. There's a knock on the door. He looks at it and it opens to Deb.) DEB: (shocked) What're you doing?! KEITH: First, I'm gonna kill this bottle of scotch and then I'm... (looks at the bottle after uncorking it and laughs) gonna kill my brother. (Deb takes her bag off her shoulder. Close-up of the gun as Deb grabs it off the table. She stuffs it into the bag.) DEB: I can't let you do this, Keith. (turns to look at him) You're better than this. KEITH: It's the only way. He'll never stop, Deb. DEB: This is not your war. KEITH: You know, (walks to her) Nathan's next, Deb. (pause) Nathan's next. (Deb looks away, fraught, as she understands that he's right.) END OF FLASHBACK: FLASH TO: [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - COUNTER - EVENING] KEITH: (turns to Karen) She, uh,... (sighs hard) she came back later that night. FLASHBACK TO: [INT. HOTEL - KEITH'S ROOM - EVENING] (Deb frantically shakes Keith awake from his sleep. He turns to look at her.) DEB: Wake up! Wake up! (sobbing) Dan's in the hospital. He's been burned. KEITH: (tired) What're you talking about? DEB: Like you said; it was the only way. (Keith sits up in bed.) KEITH: (quickly understanding) Deb, what'd you do? DEB: It wasn't your war, Keith(!) It was mine. FLASHBACK TO: [INT. DAN SCOTT MOTORS - DAN'S OFFICE - EVENING] (Deb walks into the office and sees Dan there, struggling.) DEB: (v.o) I drugged him (There's a chink of the lighter being flicked on. Close-up of it as the flame jumps to life.) DEB: (v.o) I set the dealership on fire. (Deb throws the lighter onto the alcohol and the fire spreads quickly.) (Cut outside where the flames burst through the glass window of Dan's office.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOTEL - KEITH'S ROOM - EVENING] (Deb looks at him desperately.) DEB: But, somehow, he got out. He's alive(!) KEITH: Did-did Dan see you? (Deb sighs, she doesn't know.) KEITH: Did anyone see you? DEB: No, I don't think he remembers. Oh god, what should I do? KEITH: They'll-they'll think it was an accident. (pause) Just, uh, just let it go, Deb. (He touches her face.) KEITH: I'll leave town again and we'll... we'll both pretend nothing ever happened. (pause) OK?! END OF FLASHBACK: FLASH TO: [INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - COUNTER - EVENING] (Karen is looking away, trying to digest it all.) KAREN: It was Deb! (pause) She did it. (Keith sighs and nods.) KAREN: (looks at him) You're talking about murder! I-I-I can't believe that Deb would do this and that you would help her get away with it(!) KEITH: Deb's been in prison. (pause) Seventeen years with Dan. I mean, she's done her time. KAREN: (shakes her head) I don't know what to say. KEITH: Look, I know this is hard to take. (pause) I've made a lotta mistakes in my life but I can honestly say... that giving Deb a second chance isn't one of them. (Karen frowns at him, unsure if she can accept that.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT: FORMERLY DECREPIT GYM - DAY] (Close-up of the newly varnished court floor. Shot pans across it to Lucas and Nathan who are standing in the center of the well-cleaned gym.) LUCAS: (looking around) Cleans up... pretty well. (Nathan looks at him.) NATHAN: It's still a pit. (Lucas laughs and Nathan snatches the basketball that Lucas' holding.) NATHAN: Let's see how it plays. (smiles) LUCAS: (shrugs) Alright. (Nathan bounces the ball and Lucas advances on him, forcing him into the side corner of the gym. Lucas manages to easily grab the ball off him. Nathan looks at him, wordlessly.) LUCAS: (whistles) You wanna know how I did that? NATHAN: (grinning) Luck? (Lucas laughs and walks to him. He holds the ball out to the spot where he and Nathan were standing when he stole it. He drops the ball. It doesn't bounce properly and stays exactly in place before stopping.) LUCAS: It's a dead-spot. I forced you into it. I found it when I was sweeping the floor. (bends and picks the ball up) (Nathan smiles at it and nods.) NATHAN: Just like the old Boston Garden. LUCAS: And the Rivercourt. (looks at the ball) You see, I know every square inch of that black-top. It gives me an edge. NATHAN: It didn't last time. (Lucas laughs.) LUCAS: Just think about it - we map out this entire court, use it to our advantage,... it's like the ultimate six-man. (Nathan considers and looks at Lucas.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Close-up of Peyton's closet door. It's painted black and red and is headed: 'Bands We Have'. The names written under it are 'Strays Don't Sleep', 'Nada Surf' and 'Jimmy Eat World'.) HALEY: (looking at the door) Peyton, you got these bands to play on the CD? That's incredible! PEYTON: Yeah, well, we still have a few slots to fill. (Peyton joins Haley at the door.) PEYTON: In fact, we're expecting an answer from one musician a day. HALEY: Who's that? PEYTON: (grinning) Haley James-Scott. (Haley smiles.) PEYTON: Whaddaya say? HALEY: I say hell yes! (laughs) PEYTON: Alright. (writes Haley's name on the door) (Haley smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROE RESIDENCE - FRONT PORCH - DAY] (Karen is sitting on the swing chair alone. Lucas walks up the steps and stops when he spots her.) LUCAS: Hey, ma. (She looks at him.) LUCAS: (walking to her) Everything OK? KAREN: Not for you. (He frowns at her and sits beside her.) KAREN: Skills called looking for you the other night. (Lucas winces.) KAREN: Hmmm... you could at least do me the courtesy of tightening your own alibi before you decide to check into hotel Brooke. (Lucas looks down.) KAREN: You are almost eighteen years old and I am almost thirty-six years old. Now, if you do the math, I think it's pretty obvious what my concerns are. LUCAS: Mom, we didn't do that. KAREN: Hmm. LUCAS: We're being careful - more careful than you know. KAREN: It's more than being careful with a chemistry, Lucas. (pause) It's about being careful with your heart. LUCAS: Like you are with Keith? (she doesn't answer) Look, I know... you're right mom, and I get it. (pause) But,... I mean, if you're always looking for reasons not to be with somebody... you always find them. (pause) And I guess, at some point, maybe you should... let go and... give your heart what it deserves. (Karen smiles at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH - SIGN - DAY] (Nathan walks past the huge sign at the entrance to the school. Haley's sitting at a table, working. He walks around her and sits down.) NATHAN: Hey. (She looks at him.) NATHAN: I'm sorry,... Haley. We lost two games and my dad was making me crazy. HALEY: You know, I am... really sick of hearing you say that. (pause) Here's an idea - if you don't wanna be like Dan, don't. I don't know what hurts worse, Nathan - that you think I was trying to trick you into having a baby with me or that having one with me is, like, your worst nightmare. NATHAN: It's not like that... alright? I'm just not ready for- HALEY: Of course not, neither am I(!) I would like to think that if something happened- (They continue to talk.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY] (Brooke is sitting on her bed, reading the Rogue Vogue brochure. She looks at the letter and grins before reaching into the transparent folder and pulling out pictures of her designs. She gets to the picture of her red dress and her smile falters. The shot half fades and Rachel, in Brooke's dress, merges into the shot. The scene's silent as Rachel talks to Brooke and shrugs.) (Brooke looks sideways, open mouthed. Her eyes narrow and she looks back at the picture.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Ellie scrawls 'Fall Out Boy' across her door.) ELLIE: Fall Out Boy is in! (looks back at Peyton) How great is that? (Peyton's on her bed, on her stomach, looking off sadly. Ellie walks away from the door.) ELLIE: And you should be bouncing off your artistically angry walls. (Ellie gets on the bed too.) ELLIE: Aren't you excited? PEYTON: Yeah, I am, but... I want you to be here when the album comes out. ELLIE: (puts a hand to Peyton's head) I will be here, Peyton. (nods) I promise. (Peyton smiles but can't believe her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH - GROUNDS - DAY] (Brooke walks up and looks to the notice board. Rachel is sitting beside it, writing. Brooke walks to her.) BROOKE: It was you, wasn't it? (pause) The dress I designed. (pause) The one you made. It got me into Rouge Vogue. (pause) Why'd you do it? RACHEL: You know the winner's almost guaranteed an offer to design their own line. BROOKE: Yeah! (pause) But why would you help me? RACHEL: (sighs) Because... despite issues of quality control, your clothes are good. (nods) (Brooke looks at her confusedly.) RACHEL: But if you're afraid to go- BROOKE: Oh no, I'm gonna go... and I'm gonna win. (Brooke shrugs.) BROOKE: So, thanks, I guess. (Brooke walks away and Rachel smiles to herself, none too kindly.) RACHEL: No, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL - MAIL BOX - DAY] (Lucas stands in front of the mail box, looking at the letter he has written to Brooke. He turns it around. On the back, he's written 'LETTER #1 PLEASE DO NOT BURN'. With a smile, he posts it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROE RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - EVENING] (Keith knocks on the door. Karen opens it and steps out.) KEITH: (smiles) Hi. I'm glad you called. KAREN: I have something to say. (Keith waits and Karen takes a deep breath.) KAREN: We've known each other a long time... and every time that we have gotten close, I have been... stubborn and scared and have found ways to let things get between us. And I... I-I can't let that happen again. (She kisses him. They let go, she smiles and they kiss again.) (Blue flashing lights glance off them and fill the screen. Two cops walk up the steps.) COP1: Keith Scott? (Karen and Keith break apart and look at the cops.) KEITH: (confused) Yeah? COP1: Put your hands behind your head. (The second cop aims a gun at Keith. Keith does as he's told.) KEITH: What the hell is this?! COP1: (stands behind Keith) You're under arrest for the attempted murder of Dan Scott. (Keith closes his eyes and exhales.) COP1: (handcuffs Keith) You have the right to remain silent. (Keith doesn't speak.) COP1: Anything you do say can be used against you. (The cop continues to spout of his speech as he leads Keith away. Karen's lost, not knowing what to do. The cops put him into the car. Shot pans left to another cop who grins and turns around. Dan is parked well behind and nods at the cop. Karen sees him and steps forward, angry. Dan smirks at her and continues to nod.) (The shot zooms in on Karen's fuming face before cutting back to Dan's evil expression.)	Plan: A: their second game; Q: What game did the Ravens lose? A: tough love; Q: What does Whitey give the Ravens after their second loss of the season? A: rock band Nada Surf; Q: What band do Peyton and Ellie try to recruit for their benefit album? A: Haley; Q: Who reveals a disturbing fact to Nathan? A: Brooke; Q: Who plans a romantic night for Lucas? A: her fashion designs; Q: What did Lucas submit to a competition in New York? Summary: After losing their second game of the season, the Ravens receive tough love from Whitey. Peyton and Ellie try to recruit rock band Nada Surf for their benefit album. Haley reveals a disturbing fact to Nathan, and Brooke plans a romantic night for Lucas after learning that he submitted her fashion designs to a prestigious competition in New York.
THE ANDROID INVASION by Terry Nation Part Four 5:55pm - 6:20pm [SCENE_BREAK] (Recap from last episode: Int. rocket silo. The Doctor and Sarah consider their options, CSO'ed onto a model shot of a rocket. There's wind blowing their hair around.) DOCTOR: We're going into that rocket, Sarah. SARAH: (can't hear over the wind) What?!! DOCTOR: (louder) I said, you and I are going into that rocket! KRAAL VOICE: (os) Time to lift-off: thirty seconds. (Camera cuts to the interior of that rocket. Sarah and the Doctor enter via a simple door. There are several of the oblong android pods on the floor.) DOCTOR: Come on, Sarah. We need protection. (They rush over to one of the pods and begin opening it.) DOCTOR: The G-forces will crush us on blast-off. (There's an android inside the pod, motionless, just like the one Sarah had found earlier by the TARDIS. Sarah gasps.) DOCTOR: It's all right. It's not activated yet. (They yank the 'droid out of the pod by the arm as the countdown hits 10.) KRAAL VOICE: (os) Ten. Nine. [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. rocket control deck. Styggron is sitting beside Crayford, who is wearing his space suit and controlling the ship.) KRAAL VOICE: (os) Eight. Seven. Six. Five. [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. cargo deck. The Doctor bustles Sarah into the pod.) DOCTOR: In you go, quick! Quick! KRAAL VOICE: (os) Four. Three. (The Doctor looks for a place for himself.) SARAH: Hurry! KRAAL VOICE: (os) Two. One. Zero! (It's too late. The rocket blasts off, and the G-forces immediately press the Doctor down to the ground.) (Cut to stock footage of a Saturn V lift-off. Then cut to a close-up of Sarah's face. She's gritting her teeth, and is obviously having trouble breathing.) SARAH: It's crushing...me...Doctor... [SCENE_BREAK] (Stock footage of a rocket rising into the sky. The camera cuts away about half a second after keen-eyed viewers can spot the beginnings of a stage separation.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. rocket, pod bay. The camera is close on Sarah's face. She is unconscious. A hand waves in front of her face, but she does not react until the hand tickles her nose. The camera pulls back as she wakes up, and we see that it's the Doctor.) DOCTOR: We're on the way. (chuckles for no reason) SARAH: (sitting up) ...must've...blacked out. DOCTOR: Yes, you did. The G-force cut the blood supply to what you humans laughingly call your higher centres. (In the background, a pod begins to open. Camera cuts to the side of the pod and we see a Doctor duplicate peer out. It looks around, then closes the lid of the pod again.) SARAH: (os) Ha ha. I hate sarcasm, especially when I'm dying. (The camera cuts back to the Doctor and Sarah.) SARAH: I feel as though I've been through a (unintelligible) DOCTOR: It's a gentle massage compared to what's ahead. SARAH: (annoyed) Oh, no, don't tell me, I don't want to know! (The Doctor gets up to walk around the pod bay.) DOCTOR: Yes you do. Just before Crayford puts this ship into re-entry orbit, these containers will be shot out like pips from a lemon. SARAH: How? DOCTOR: Through the cargo shuttle ejectors. And we'll be in them. SARAH: Oh. DOCTOR: Ask me why. SARAH: Why? DOCTOR: Because they'll reach Earth before the ship. There's no other way we can reach the defense station. SARAH: And what are we going to use for air? DOCTOR: Oh, there'll be enough to last the few minutes in space. I'm more concerned about the efficiency of these retro tubes. (He examines the holes at one end of a pod.) SARAH: Why, don't they work? DOCTOR: Oh, I imagine they'll work well enough for the androids to survive impact, but we could be in for a nasty jolt. SARAH: So, providing we don't burn up on re-entry, and aren't suffocated on the way down, we'll probably be smashed to a pulp when we land. DOCTOR: Exactly! (Sarah makes a worried noise.) DOCTOR: Sarah, you've put your finger on the one tiny flaw in our plan. SARAH: Our plan! It's your plan! DOCTOR: Well, I'm open to suggestions if you've got a better idea. SARAH: (resigned) How long before we start all this? (The Doctor looks worried - we hear a whining noise start.) DOCTOR: Quite soon. They're beaming us through the space-time warp now. [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. Space Command Centre - the real one. We're in a rather spartan Mission Control, complete with a global map showing a projected orbital path. There are three computers with reel-to-reel data storage. Several scientists and other assorted personnel are in the room, including a black woman who appears to be in charge of getting a fix on Crayford's ship.) GRIERSON: Bearing 1-4-3. TESSA: I've got him! (She flicks a few switches on her console.) MATTHEWS: There he is! (He points excitedly at the large map screen.) GRIERSON: Contact. (We get a look at another map screen, with Cornwall and southern Wales visible. A bright point of light over Cardiff Bay is visible, pinpointing Crayford's location.) GRIERSON: Confirmed. (sounding relieved) Well done, Tessa. (He picks up a telephone. In the background, Tessa and Matthews are chatting happily about how nicely the contact is matching the predicted flight path and generally congratulating one another. Grierson gets on the phone.) GRIERSON: (happy, into phone) Colonel Faraday? Ah, hello sir, this is the scanner room. We've picked up Crayford's ship, sir. (pause) Yes, absolutely on the button! (pause) Right, sir! (He hangs up the phone and speaks to his colleagues.) GRIERSON: The old man's coming down. [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. Space Defense Centre - main entrance. There are people here now, going about their ordinary business. The automatic doors slide open and RSM Benton walks in. He meets Lt Surgeon Harry Sullivan.) BENTON: Well, we've searched the area for them, made enquiries in the village. No sign of the Doctor or Miss Smith anywhere. HARRY: Well, he'll turn up when he feels like it. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. BENTON: Yes, I just hope you're right. HARRY: (cheery) You're a pessimist, Benton! What could possibly happen to the Doctor in Devesham Woods? BENTON: (unconvinced) It's just that, I've never known him leave the TARDIS with the key in it before. (Colonel Faraday strides into the entryway.) FARADAY: Come along, men! (He walks up to Benton and Harry.) FARADAY: (elated) Crayford's just been spotted on the scanners. HARRY: Well that's great, sir! (Harry and Benton follow Faraday into another part of the complex.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. Space Command mission control. Matthews is speaking into a radio on the console. Matthews is wearing a red shirt, incidentally.) MATTHEWS: Hello, XK-5, hello, XK-5, this is Devesham Control calling XK-5. Do you read me, do you read me? (Matthews continues repeating the hail as Colonel Faraday, Sergeant Benton, and Harry Sullivan enter the room and start talking to the mission controller, who is clearly elated, and who, incidentally, is named Grierson.) GRIERSON: Right on course. FARADAY: This is a moment for history, Grierson. GRIERSON: (quite happy) Is that so? HARRY: A two year journey... FARADAY: He's been further into space than any other human being. (Harry glances sidelong at Faraday, then shares a long glance with Benton. Meanwhile, the hail is still being repeated.) MATTHEWS: ...this is Devesham Control calling XK-5. Do you read me, do you read me? (He switches to receive, and this time he gets a signal.) CRAYFORD: (on radio) Come in Mission Control. This is XK-5. I'm receiving you loud and clear. MATTHEWS: Okay, XK-5, standby, standby. (Grierson hands a mike to Faraday.) GRIERSON: Sir, would you care to...? FARADAY: (politely) Oh, yes, thank you. (Faraday takes the mike.) FARADAY: Hello, Crayford? Colonel Faraday here. I, ah...well, what can one say at a moment like this except, "Welcome home?" CRAYFORD: (on radio) Thank you, sir. Earth certainly looks pretty good from up here. I've had some problems... (His transmission becomes faint as interference builds up.) FARADAY: What's that? Re-entry? GRIERSON: Not yet, sir... (Grierson starts looking at controls, trying to figure out what it is.) GRIERSON: There's something else coming in on the same path! FARADAY: Something else? GRIERSON: (amazed) Yes, sir... A fireball or something. It's broken into meteorites, look! (We see them on the screen, slowing, moving in over Wales.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. rocket pod bay. We see a pod sitting in its launch cradle. There is a humming noise and it drops down through the floor to be launched.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. Space Command mission control. Tessa is monitoring the bogies.) TESSA: They're down to 17 thousand metres. FARADAY: Never mind the meteorites. Have we still got contact with the ship? GRIERSON: Just hit the upper atmosphere, sir. Looks like a perfect re-entry path. MATTHEWS: He'll be back in the mess in time for late breakfast! HARRY: No he won't, Matthews. Not after two years in space. MATTHEWS: That meteorite shower's really coming in! BENTON: Yes, but don't they usually burn up before they hit the Earth? MATTHEWS: This lot's not going to. (Matthews looks at his instruments.) MATTHEWS: There's something funny about them... FARADAY: Something funny? MATTHEWS: I swear they're slowing down! [SCENE_BREAK] (Ext. country outside Devesham. Four of the pods are CSO'ed onto the shot, coming in for a rather unconvincing landing. Their retros fire off-camera and they come to Earth amid smoke and noise. When the smoke lifts, there's a pod sitting there. It opens to reveal...the Doctor. He sits up, looking a bit rumpled from the ride. He gets out.) DOCTOR: Sarah? Sarah? No Sarah. (He looks around.) DOCTOR: No Sarah. (He goes off looking for her.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. Space Command mission control. Close-up of Colonel Faraday with his mouth hanging open. He's watching the scanner. Benton is watching too. So is everybody. They're waiting for Crayford to radio in. The static clears.) CRAYFORD: (on radio) XK-5 to control. HARRY: (relieved) He's through. CRAYFORD: (on radio) This is XK-5 calling control. TESSA: Devesham Control to XK-5. We're locking on. CRAYFORD: (on radio) Roger, Devesham. TESSA: Ignition minus 30, on my mark. Mark. CRAYFORD: (on radio) Mark thirty. (A video picture of Crayford in his suit at the helm of his ship begins to show.) CRAYFORD: (on radio) AGS reading: 400 plus one. TESSA: Ten seconds to ignition. Mark. CRAYFORD: (on radio) I have ignition, Devesham. Starting descent. MATTHEWS: Altitude: 40 thousand metres...39...38 thousand. Descent velocity: 650 metres per second. FARADAY: (to Harry) He'll be landing in a few minutes. Everything you need, Sullivan? HARRY: (smiles) I've got the tools of the trade here, sir. (He raises his briefcase.) GRIERSON: You're looking good, Commander. CRAYFORD: (on screen) Good from here too. Have you brought some champagne on ice down there? (Everybody smiles to each other; this is going amazingly smoothly.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Ext. Devesham Woods. Sarah is working her way through the bracken. She reaches the TARDIS, standing in a clearing not unlike the one on the Kraal homeworld. The key is still in the lock.) SARAH: Doctor? (She walks up to the TARDIS and calls inside.) SARAH: Doctor? (He's not there either, but she notices a pod sitting a little ways away. She hears a stick break and spins around to look back the way she came. A hand taps her on the shoulder. She spins back only to see...that it's the Doctor, looking strangely emotionless. After a moment, he smiles his toothsome smile. Sarah scowls at him for surprising her.) SARAH: Oh, don't do things like that! DOCTOR: I'm sorry. I had to be sure. You see, there's a replica of you around somewhere. SARAH: Well, my replica wouldn't be as glad to see you as I am. (He smiles faintly. There is a noise like rocket thrusters and both Sarah and the Doctor look up.) SARAH: What's that? DOCTOR: The rocket is coming in to land. SARAH: Well, we've got to hurry if we're going to warn them! DOCTOR: It would suit our purposes more if no one was warned. (We suddenly see that the Doctor has his hand in his jacket, a la Napoleon, and the pod behind him is opening. Sarah sits up inside - another android.) SARAH: (gasps) You're not the real Doctor. (He goes to grab her, but is too slow. She runs off into the forest. The android Sarah gets out of the pod and joins the android Doctor.) ANDROID SARAH: Come. We have much to do. (They head off into the woods, not following Sarah.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. Mission Control.) GRIERSON: You are cleared for landing, XK-5. CRAYFORD: (on screen) Roger. Coming down now. TESSA: Coming down 19...500...at 17...400 metres...250...200... MATTHEWS: Slight drift to right. CRAYFORD: (on screen) Correcting three forwards, three forwards. (We hear some engine noise as Crayford executes the manoeuvre. It sounds exactly like an airliner turbofan.) CRAYFORD: (on screen) Easy...easy... MATTHEWS: Docking contact. CRAYFORD: (on screen) Sentencing command override off, engine off... That's it, boys, crack the bubbly! GRIERSON: (to Faraday, with great relief) The XK-5 has landed, sir! FARADAY: Well done! Well done! Come along, Sullivan, we'll go on board! (Everybody breaks out of their tension as the officers leave and Matthews starts offering coffee.) MATTHEWS: Coffee anybody? NAMELESS GUY: Make mine black! MATTHEWS: (to woman) How about you, Tessa? TESSA: Yes, please. GRIERSON: (into mike) Commander Crayford? (The camera switches to inside the rocket, where Crayford sits taking his suit off in front of a CSO screen used to insert a cheap photo of some control panels.) GRIERSON: (on radio) Colonel Faraday and the MO are on their way up now, sir. CRAYFORD: Thanks! I'll be waiting. (As Crayford smiles happily, Styggron steps into the frame. There is dramatic music.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. Space Defense Centre, main entrance. The Doctor walks in and stops in front of a UNIT guard - as it happens, it's Corporal Adams.) DOCTOR: Excuse me, can you tell me where I could find the commanding officer? CPL ADAMS: Yes sir, he's in the scanner room. DOCTOR: Thank you. (He starts to leave. Corporal Adams stops him.) CPL ADAMS: Excuse me, sir, could I see your pass? (The Doctor begins excavating his pockets until he finds it. Adams looks it over.) CPL ADAMS: Yes, that's all right, thank you. (He hands it back. The Doctor takes it, then does a double-take as he realizes it's Cpl Adams - presumably the real one this time.) DOCTOR: Is this the first time you've seen me today? CPL ADAMS: (surprised) Yes, sir. DOCTOR: (dead serious) Good. Now, if you do see me again, I want you to report it to me immediately. I'll be with the CO in the scanner room. (He departs, leaving Adams very perplexed.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. Mission Control/scanner room. Grierson and Benton are there, and Benton is on the phone.) BENTON: Yes, yes. Make it 8 o'clock outside the Chinese takeaway. And don't be late! (He hangs up.) GRIERSON: (chuckles) You got her well trained. BENTON: Yes, well to be honest with you it's my kid sister. I'm taking her to a dance at the Palais tonight. (The Doctor sweeps into the room.) BENTON: Doctor! Where've you been? We've been looking...DOCTOR: (intense) Where's Harry? BENTON: Mr Sullivan? He's gone up to the rocket with Colonel Faraday. DOCTOR: Call him down. GRIERSON: I can't do that, sir! DOCTOR: Call him down! BENTON: Better do as he says. (Grierson moves to the microphone.) GRIERSON: Hello? (The Doctor takes the mike away.) DOCTOR: Harry? Harry? Can you hear me? HARRY: (os) Hello, Doctor, is that you? DOCTOR: Yes it is. Don't go into that rocket! FARADAY: I don't understand! What the dickens is going on? DOCTOR: Just trust me, Colonel! If you go into that rocket, your lives will be in deadly danger. FARADAY: (os, scoffs) Chap's insane. HARRY: (os, quiet) I think we ought to do as he says, Colonel. DOCTOR: Harry, bring the lift down. I'll explain it all then. FARADAY: (os) Very well, Doctor, but the explanation had better be good! (Pause. Grierson watches the console.) GRIERSON: The lift's started down again, sir. (Matthews enters the room again.) MATTHEWS: Mr Benton? BENTON: Yes? MATTHEWS: Could you spare a minute, please? (They leave together.) DOCTOR: (to Grierson) What controls the angle of your radar dish? GRIERSON: (pointing) This one here, sir. DOCTOR: Give me a pen. (He does and the Doctor begins sketching on a notepad.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. hallway of space defense centre. Corporal Adams bursts through a door, looking very angry.) CPL ADAMS: What is going on here? (Matthews comes up behind him from the other side of the door and clobbers Adams on the back with both his hands locked together. Adams goes down, falling unconscious on top of the unconscious Benton. Another Benton walks up next to the android Matthews.) ANDROID BENTON: Have them taken away. [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. scanner room. The Doctor has sketched quite a complicated schematic. He rips it off the pad and hands it to Grierson.) DOCTOR: Could you do that? GRIERSON: It's possible. It would take a bit of time, though. I'd have to re-jig about...eleven circuits there. DOCTOR: (very serious) All right. Well then, get about it. GRIERSON: You can't... DOCTOR: Tell no one what you're doing. GRIERSON: You can't point the radar dishes down here, sir! They'd jam every radio and electronic circuit for miles. There'd be chaos. DOCTOR: (tired) Nothing like the chaos there'll be if you don't do it, Grierson. (Harry and Faraday return.) FARADAY: Doctor! What the devil's going on? DOCTOR: An invasion of Earth is going on, Colonel. FARADAY: What?! DOCTOR: Let's get to your office. You've got some important phone calls to make. Crayford's sold you out to the Kraals. FARADAY: Kraals? Never heard of them! (They storm out together as Grierson contemplates the Doctor's schematic sketch.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. space defense centre, entering the CO's office.) HARRY: Have you actually seen these androids, Doctor? DOCTOR: Indeed I have. FARADAY: (righteously indignant) I'll not have my command infiltrated by aliens! HARRY: (quietly) Sir, they may already be among us. DOCTOR: They made replicas of you and Harry, Colonel. (Faraday sits down behind his desk.) FARADAY: Of me?! Confounded cheek, how dare they! HARRY: I think I should run a complete medical check on everyone. FARADAY: Good idea, Sullivan. (nods) That'll nail 'em, eh, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, but it would take too long. We can use this. (The Doctor takes a device out of his pocket, a white box with a single red light.) HARRY: What's that? DOCTOR: It's a robot detector. It lights up in the presence of androids. (It lights up.) FARADAY: Thing must be faulty. DOCTOR: (calmly) I don't think so. I see I was just too late. ANDROID DOCTOR: (os) A pity you had to find out. (The real Doctor spins around in shock to see his duplicate standing in the doorway pointing a gun at him.) ANDROID DOCTOR: We didn't want any shooting until our takeover was complete. DOCTOR: (cheery) Hello, Doctor! We've been waiting for you. (He steps forward.) ANDROID DOCTOR: Stand back, Doctor! DOCTOR: You know, the resemblance is astonishing. For a moment, I thought I was seeing double. (Suddenly, the Doctor slams the door shut on his duplicate, dashes past the androids Harry and Faraday and leaps out the window.) (CUT TO outside, in the car park. The Doctor rolls to a stop in a shower of broken window glass. Sarah appears around a corner in the distance.) SARAH: Doctor! Doctor, this way! (He picks himself up and runs towards her. They flee amid gunfire from the android Doctor's pistol.) (CUT TO int. CO's office. Android Faraday is on the facility intercom. We see a shot of a young woman, an office worker, looking up as she hears the announcement. We also see the android Benton, listening.) ANDROID FARADAY: Attention, attention. It has been confirmed the Doctor is attempting to sabotage our defense system. He is at large somewhere inside the complex. (CUT TO a shot of Sarah and the Doctor fleeing outside. They pause behind a corner.) ANDROID FARADAY: (os) Saturation search will begin at once. He is armed and dangerous, and all personnel have the authority to shoot on sight. That is all. SARAH: (breathing heavily) So the androids have taken over. DOCTOR: Looks like. SARAH: What about the real Harry and Colonel Faraday? DOCTOR: They must be up there in the rocket with Styggron. (They sidle towards the edge of the building and peer across at the rocket. It doesn't look anything at all like the rocket that appeared in the launch sequence.) SARAH: We've got to help them somehow! DOCTOR: Our only chance is to stop the androids before they take over the complex. (He moves to leave.) SARAH: (startled) Where are you going? DOCTOR: To the scanner room. You stay here, Sarah. (He sprints away.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Shot of the scanner room. Grierson is hard at work.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. space defense centre, main entrance. The Doctor enters and is stopped by android Benton, who raises a gun at him.) ANDROID BENTON: Hold it, Doctor. DOCTOR: (deprecating) Don't be a fool, Benton, I'm one of you! Didn't you hear the Colonel just now? The Doctor's not here, he's at large somewhere in the complex! (The android Benton lowers the gun.) ANDROID BENTON: (abashed) Oh yes of course sir. I'm sorry sir. DOCTOR: It's all right, Benton, but keep your wits about you. Nobody knows who's who around here. (The Doctor proceeds on to the scanner room.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Ext. rocket gantry. It's a red metal staircase against a CSO backdrop. Sarah's climbing up it. It's windy.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. scanner room.) DOCTOR: Have you finished, Grierson? GRIERSON: Almost there, Doctor. DOCTOR: We haven't got a second to lose, man. [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. space defense centre, main entrance. The android Doctor walks in and is stopped by android Benton with a raised gun.) ANDROID BENTON: Hold it, Doctor. ANDROID DOCTOR: Don't be a fool, Benton, I'm one of you. (Benton opens fire. The bullets have no effect on the android.) ANDROID DOCTOR: (quiet and dangerous) Satisfied? ANDROID BENTON: (confused) But...but I thought you were...he passed me just a minute ago. ANDROID DOCTOR: Which way did he go? ANDROID BENTON: (confusion resolved) To the scanner room. (The android Doctor heads off.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. scanner room. Grierson is working hard on a circuit board, pressing components into their sockets.) GRIERSON: Ah! I've done it. (He puts the circuit board in.) (CUT TO Space Defense Station model shot. The dish antenna slowly moves down.) (CUT back.) GRIERSON: All we have to do now is switch on the power.DOCTOR: (os) Good. (Grierson goes to switch on the power, but a shot rings out and he falls to the ground. We cut to see the Doctor whirl around to face his android duplicate.) ANDROID DOCTOR: A clever way to jam android's circuits, but not quick enough. (Crayford enters, having just come down from the rocket.) CRAYFORD: What's going on? ANDROID DOCTOR: The Doctor has interfered in our plans for the last time. CRAYFORD: But Styggron promised me there would be no killing. ANDROID DOCTOR: Fool. Do you really think the Kraals will spare humanity? Styggron has a virus in your ship that will destroy every man, woman and child in the world. CRAYFORD: (nervous, not wanting to believe it) Styggron wouldn't do that! He, he's a surgeon! A genius! Look what he did for me! DOCTOR: He did nothing for you, Crayford. Absolutely nothing at all. Except brainwash you. CRAYFORD: (quiet) That's not true. DOCTOR: You were hijacked by the Kraals, Crayford. Nothing went wrong with your rocket, Crayford. You weren't even injured. Take off the eye patch and look for yourself. (Crayford slowly turns and walks to a mirror on the wall. Hesitantly, he reaches up to his face, touches the eye patch - and pulls it sharply away. Underneath is a perfectly good eye. He closes both eyes as he realizes that the Doctor's been right all along. Furious, he storms back towards the rocket access. The Doctor takes advantage of the distraction and knocks the gun away from the android. The 'droid is stronger, though, and throws him down the short steps to the lower level of the room. The android Doctor presses a button to activate an alarm.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. hallway of space defense centre. The android versions of Harry and Benton hear it.) HARRY: The scanner room! (They set off running.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. scanner room. The Doctor sits up and fixes his eyes on the radar power switch. He picks himself up and heads for it, but the the android Doctor leaps down over the upper console and tackles him. A fight breaks out between the Doctor and his duplicate. The android has the upper hand and throws the Doctor around a few times until he lands next to Grierson, who is not dead after all, but trying to keep out of the way of the combatants. The android grabs a chair to kill the Doctor with, and the androids Harry, Faraday and Benton enter the room. But before they can kill him, the Doctor hits the switch and the 'droids all freeze. The Doctor slumps limply back, relieved.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. rocket pod bay. All the launch cradles are empty now. Sarah enters in search of Harry and Colonel Faraday.) SARAH: Harry? (She closes the door behind her.) HARRY: (os) Sarah? Sarah, where...? SARAH: Harry! (She runs across the pod bay and we see Harry and Faraday all tied up and sitting in a sunken corner of the pod bay.) HARRY: What's going on? SARAH: It's a long story. For a start, you've got a very nasty twin. HARRY: Twin? [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. scanner room. The Doctor is checking up on Grierson. Grierson is clutching his shoulder - presumably that's where the bullet went.) DOCTOR: You all right? GRIERSON: Yeah, I think so, Doctor. DOCTOR: Good. (sighs with relief) Where's Crayford? GRIERSON: He went back to the rocket. DOCTOR: Did he? (He puts his hat on.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Int. rocket pod bay. Sarah has untied Harry's wrists and is working on Faraday's while Harry works on freeing his own feet.) FARADAY: It's all very well, but what are these androids? SARAH: Shhh! I keep telling you! They're robots controlled by Styggron. (Styggron enters, holding the virus and his ray gun.) STYGGRON: (delighted) The enterprising Earth girl! No! Don't move! The sensors indicated an intruder. I hardly expected to find it was you. SARAH: No, I suppose you thought I was still a prisoner on your planet. STYGGRON: I know the Doctor managed to escape, but you must indeed have a charmed life. SARAH: What are you getting at? STYGGRON: You were to have been the first human victim of the billions to be destroyed by this virus. (He holds up the virus capsule.) STYGGRON: How did you escape death? (Sarah does not respond. She just stares at Styggron.) STYGGRON: Did you not drink the water? SARAH: Water? CRAYFORD: (os) Styggron! (Styggron turns to see Crayford standing in the door, eye patch gone and seeing through both eyes. He looks majorly pissed.) CRAYFORD: You have betrayed me! STYGGRON: Betrayed you? I used you, Crayford, as I used the androids. But you are no longer of any value. (Crayford jumps Styggron. The virus capsule falls to the ground. They struggle for a moment, but then Styggron throws Crayford off and shoots him with the ray gun. Crayford falls to the ground. As Styggron inspects his handiwork, the Doctor enters the rocket right behind him.) DOCTOR: Excuse me. (Styggron spins, but not fast enough. The Doctor nails him with a bit of Venusian Aikido and throws him right onto the virus capsule, which shatters. The green goop inside smears all over Styggron's face. Styggron screams and the Doctor instinctively moves to help, but Styggron fires at him. The Doctor goes down clutching his shoulder, falling right down among Sarah, Harry, and Faraday.) SARAH: Doctor! Oh, no! DOCTOR: (os) Don't waste any tears on him, Sarah. (They look up to see the Doctor in the entryway.) DOCTOR: He's only an android. SARAH: (standing) An android? DOCTOR: Yes. My replica. I reprogrammed it to confuse Styggron. (They look down to see the android's skin fade away, revealing the exoskeleton beneath.) SARAH: Please, don't ever do anything like that again. DOCTOR: (chuckles) Come on. (They all leave the rocket.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Ext. Devesham Woods, close-up of what looks a lot like a Purple Loosestrife flower stalk. Pull back to see Sarah and the Doctor strolling calmly through the woods.) SARAH: Oh, how could we ever have been fooled? DOCTOR: How do you mean? SARAH: This really is Earth! DOCTOR: (mock seriousness) Are you sure? (Sarah grins and follows him onward. They reach the TARDIS and the Doctor opens the door for Sarah.) DOCTOR: After you? SARAH: (shakes her head grinning) I'm going home. And I'm going by taxi! DOCTOR: Oh. (grins) I'll make you an offer. I'll take you home! SARAH: (smiling) How can I refuse? (She goes into the TARDIS, which dematerializes.) (Cue music, cut to credits.)	Plan: A: Earth; Q: Where do the Doctor and Sarah reach? A: the Kraal invasion; Q: What do the Doctor and Sarah warn the research centre about? A: Styggron; Q: Who unleashes his virus? Summary: The Doctor and Sarah reach Earth and try to warn the research centre about the Kraal invasion before Styggron unleashes his virus.
[Scene: P3. Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Cole are there. Piper and Leo, and Phoebe and Cole are snuggled closely together while Paige sits by herself. The all clink their bottles.] Phoebe: To our marriage. (Phoebe nibbles on Cole's ear.) Piper: Hey, this is supposed to be our anniversary. Phoebe: Oh, right. Uh, to Piper and Leo's marriage. May ours be as successful as theirs. Piper: Yeah, see that still didn't sound like it was about us. (Phoebe giggles at Cole. Piper and Leo kiss. Paige starts to feel uncomfortable.) Paige: Well, alright, everybody, I, uh, am gonna go, I'm tired. Cole: Wait, you can't go yet, Paige. We haven't gotten to the good part. Paige: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought watching you guys make out all night was supposed to be the highlight of my evening. Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie, are we boring you? Paige: No, no, it's just it is weird seeing a girl that wasn't the marrying type be so married. Piper: Piper tried to tell me that it was going to be great and different. Piper: Well, you just have to experience it and you'll understand. (Phoebe and Cole kiss.) Paige: Alright, so the good part? Cole: Oh, yes, the good part. (He hands Piper and Leo an envelope. They open it.) Piper: Oh my god. Leo: Cole. Cole: It's no big deal. Leo: It's the finest hotel in Hawaii. Cole: I just didn't think it was right you guys never got a honeymoon. Phoebe: Oh my god. Could you be any sweeter right now? Paige: Hang on, you got them tickets to Hawaii? Cole: Well, not plane tickets, they'll have to orb there. But, uh, hotel and a couple of nice dinners. Piper: Cole, I can't believe you did this. Paige: Am I missing something? Aren't you unemployed? How did you afford this? Cole: A-a-a-ah. That's tomorrow's surprise. For tonight, another toast. To Leo and to Piper, a life time of happiness. (They clink their glasses and take a sip. The Seer appears near by and Cole chokes on his drink. He coughs.) Phoebe: Are you okay? Baby, are you okay? Cole: Fine, fine. Excuse me, I'll be right back. (He walks away.) Paige: Wow, so, you think, uh, Cole won the lottery or something? Phoebe: I know I did. (Paige makes a noise.) Paige: Sorry. [Cut to the underworld. A cave. The Seer is there standing in front of a cauldron. Cole flames in.] Cole: I was with the entire family, have you lost your mind? Seer: Forgive me. But it was imperative that I have you here now if my ritual is to take effect. Cole: I am trying to be the perfect husband. The perfect brother-in-law. It would help if I didn't have demons waving at me from the dance floor. Seer: If my fertility ritual fails, the show's over anyway. Tomorrow's harvest moon will be the one chance to impregnate your wife. The power of the moon combined with this tonic will make her fertile to a demon's seed, and override any preventative measures she's taken. Her favourite sweet? Cole: Chocolate. Seer: Then I'll mix it with the chocolate. You must feed it to her in the morning, and then finish the job when the moon is high in the night's sky. And if you succeed, the evil spawn growing inside her will influence her only for lenience so that when she does discover the truth, she will bend to your will. Cole: She will bend to her love for me. (The Seer picks up a knife and moves closer to Cole.) Seer: For the tonic. (She cuts his hand and he drips his blood into the cauldron.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Bathroom. Phoebe and Paige are there putting on makeup.] Phoebe: Can I try this? Paige: Yeah, sure. (Piper comes in.) Piper: My hairclip broke. Paige: Try one of mine. (Piper pushes Phoebe out of the way.) Phoebe: Ooh, glowy. Piper: Yeah, like you need more glow. Phoebe: Hey, isn't it weird how s*x can replace sleep. I wonder if they've done any studies on that? Paige: I remember Dave my ex-boyfriend. Phoebe: No, no, no, it's different with boyfriends. I don't know why, but once you're married, it's just better, you know what I mean? Piper: Husbands, incredibly sexy. Phoebe: Yeah, it's more intimate or something. Paige: Well, I wouldn't know. Phoebe: Speaking of looking forward... Piper, you're going on your honeymoon tonight. I think new lingerie is in order. Piper: You always think new lingerie is in order. Phoebe: Not for me, silly. You wanna come, Paige? Paige: Ugh, I can't. I have to go to that evil place where they keep my pay cheque. Phoebe: Oh, right, sorry. (A car horn beeps outside. They leave the bathroom.) [Cut to outside. Cole is standing beside a silver convertible. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo walk outside.] Cole: Surprise! Leo: A new car? Piper: Where did you get that? Cole: It came with the job. Paige: Ahh, are you a valet parker? Cole: Attorney, thank you very much. It's a company car. (He hands Phoebe a bunch of flowers.) Phoebe: Are you serious? Paige: Strange. You didn't last two hours at legal aid. Piper: Yeah, you hated it. You said you hated being a lawyer. Cole: Yeah, but that job was high stressed and paid nothing. This one... Leo: Comes with a Porsche. Cole: Right. How comes she's not smiling? Leo: You got me. Is this the tip tranic? Cole: Uh, no. I thought you'd be happy. Phoebe: Cole, if you're happy, I'm happy. Cole: Alright. (He takes a box of chocolates out of the car. He takes off the lid and shows them to Phoebe.) I got your favourite chocolates. And I reserved the honeymoon sweet at the Mark. Phoebe: A honeymoon? Cole: Just for tonight. What do you say? Phoebe: Ooh, I say I need to do a little bit of shopping first I think. What do you say, Piper? Piper: Uh, Rebekah Ryan's playing at the club tonight so I've gotta go set up. Leo: I'll cover for you. Gotta do something, Cole's making me look bad. Cole: So, chocolates? You sure you don't want one, they smell pretty good? Phoebe: Mmm, maybe you are evil. (They kiss.) I love you. Paige: So what law firm are you working for? Cole: Are you familiar with San Francisco law firms? Paige: Yeah, I deal with them from time to time. Cole: Jack McCarter and Kline? Paige: Haven't heard of them. Well, I better get to work. Congratulations. Cole: Thanks. (She walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: A lingerie shop. Piper and Phoebe are there. Phoebe comes out wearing a purple lingerie dress.] Phoebe: Okay, what do you think? Man: Ooh, wow. (His girlfriend hits him.) Woman: Hey! Piper: I think he liked it and I think she didn't. Phoebe: Okay, but what is it saying? Because I'm going for that kind of we're married but we're not dead look. Piper: I think it's more of a I'm gonna wear this one night, and spend the next six months paying it off kind of look. Phoebe: I hate it when you're right. (She heads for the dressing room.) Piper: But although come to think of it, you could probably afford anything you want now that Cole's gone corporate. Phoebe: Yeah, well, I'm not gonna rely on that. And I'm not just gonna sit at home while my husband works either, you know. I mean, maybe in ten years from now like when I have kids, but not now. Piper: Oh, hit a nerve? Phoebe: I just think it's time I got a job too, you know. What do you think? Piper: Uh, I think being so charming as we are, is kind of a full time job. Phoebe: Yeah, it just happens to come with a death threat in lieu of pay cheque. Piper: Right, so if Cole is bringing, you know, an extra few bucks into the household why not enjoy it? (Phoebe comes out of the dressing room.) Phoebe: Because, Piper, it's not about that. I have a degree in psychology that I worked really hard for and I would like to be able to use it to help people in a non-magical way. (They see a woman in the middle of the road with cars speeding past her. They honk their horns as they drive by.) Piper: Speaking of helping people. (A car heads for the woman and Piper freezes it. Phoebe runs across the road and pushes the woman out of the way. Piper unfreezes everything and runs across the road to help.) Oh, good thing that car had breaks, huh. You would've been road killed. Phoebe: Totally. Piper: Are you okay? Woman: Can you help me get to work? I won't make my deadline, I've gotta get to work. Piper: Alright. (Phoebe touches the woman and has a premonition of a demon chasing her.) Yes? Phoebe: Innocent. Piper: Of course. [Scene: South Bay Social Services. Paige is there talking to a Lila.] Paige: Ugh, I still don't trust him. I called the firm and apparently he's telling the truth by getting that job. Lila: Wait, he told the truth. Rat. Paige: I'm telling you, Lila, there's something weird going on. He couldn't function in the job that I got him here, I mean, he hit a client. Now all of a sudden he's Mr. Suave lawyer man. Lila: People change. Paige: But not that quickly, not that much. There's something off about him and, uh, I'm gonna keep an eye on him, period. Lila: Spying on the husband. Now that's a sure fire way to reconnect with your sister. (Paige's phone rings.) Paige: Paige Matthews. Phoebe: Hey, uh, we've got a witchy type situation that could really benefit from your area of expertise. Any chance you could meet us back at the manor? Paige: Yeah, I'll be right over. Phoebe: Great, see you there. [Cut to the manor. Cole is there with the Seer.] Seer: What do you mean she wouldn't eat it? Cole: I mean I thought shoving it down her throat might be a little suspicious. So, is it too late? Seer: No. The tonic is stronger the longer it has to gestate, it might still work. Cole: Then keep an eye out and warn me of any demons who might be planing to attack, I can't afford any distractions for Phoebe. (The front door opens and Cole turns the Seer into a man. Piper, Phoebe and the woman walks in.) Phoebe: Cole, we have to, uh... Cole: Oh, this is, this is Mike. My law clerk. He was just leaving. Thanks, you can catch me up on those cases tomorrow. Mike: Right. Sure. Excuse me. (He heads for the door.) Phoebe: Cole, this is Karen Young. Cole: Pleased to meet you. Phoebe: She, uh, she needs our help. (Mike walks outside and disappears.) [Cut to the living room.] Karen: I was going in early, it was still dark, I said goodbye to my husband, and I don't remember. (She starts to cry.) I don't understand what's happening to me. Piper: Karen, I know you're scared but we're gonna help you, I promise. (Phoebe and Cole walk into the foyer.) Cole: What's wrong with her? Phoebe: I don't know. I had a premonition that she was being attacked by demons, only I don't think it was a premonition, I think it already happened. But she was hit by some kind of light ball. So we might have to postpone this evening, baby. Cole: No, we can't. Phoebe: Well, innocents come first. Cole: Of course they do. I just, I just can't wait to be alone with you. I'll do whatever I can to help. (He looks around and spots the chocolates on a table. He picks one up and holds it near Phoebe's mouth.) Forgive me? (Phoebe hesitates and then takes a bite.) Phoebe: Mmmm. (They kiss. Piper comes in.) Piper: Uh, hi, hi-hi-hi. Innocent at foot, remember? Phoebe: Right. Piper: So she's calmer now but won't you hang out with you while we go check the book. Cole: Absolutely. (Phoebe and Piper head for the stairs. Piper takes a chocolate as she passes and eats it.) Uh, Piper? Piper: What? Cole: Uh, nothing, it's okay. (He laughs a little.) Piper: Mm, suddenly I can't wait to go on my honeymoon. Phoebe: Mm-hm, me either. Must be the full moon. (Cole walks into the living room.) Cole: You wanna tell me what happened? Karen: I don't know. Cole: I don't have time for this. (He holds his hand above her head and it glows.) Who attacked you? (She jumps up.) Karen: Don't touch me! Don't touch me, leave me alone! He was touching me. (Cole sees Paige standing at the living room entrance.) [SCENE_BREAK] Cole: I didn't hear you come in. What's the matter? You look like you saw a ghost. Paige: I'm not sure what I saw. Cole: What do you mean? Paige: What were you doing to her? Cole: Well, I was comforting her. If you hadn't noticed she's hysterical. (Piper and Phoebe come back in with the book.) Phoebe: Got it. Cole: That was quick. Piper: Yeah, well, we're that good. (to Paige) Thanks for coming. (Phoebe goes over and cuddles Cole.) Paige: Uh, we have a problem. Phoebe: Yeah? Paige: I mean, what's the problem with her? (She looks at the book.) Power brokers? Cole: Of course. Phoebe: Apparently the light ball that was thrown at Karen was a demonic power. Cole: Yeah, brokers sometimes use people to store powers until they find a buyer. That way thieves can't get to them. Paige: Human being possessed of a demonic power will become confused then frightened, paranoid, violent and demonic, will ultimately die if the power isn't withdrawn. Phoebe: So good news is there is a potion to pull the power out of her. (Cole waves his hand behind his back and his pager beeps. He looks at it.) Cole: Uh, it's work. They probably want me to fill out more forms. Phoebe: Okay, baby, well, you go and we'll call you if we need you. (They kiss and he leaves.) Karen: I've gotta get outta here. I have a family to take care of. Piper: Karen, your family is okay. Karen: But I have a job! I-I-I have a deadline. Elise, she'll fire me. Paige: It's okay, we'll talk to Elise for you, we'll tell her you're with us, we'll make it all okay. Piper: I'll go. Paige: No, uh, Phoebe should go. You're the best with potions. Here, honey, take my car. (Phoebe takes Paige's car keys.) Phoebe: Call me if things get worse. (Phoebe leaves.) Paige: Piper... Piper: This potion takes a while to brew and we're all out of hyssop, so why don't you stay with Karen and start cooking and I'll go to the herb store. Paige: No, I-I have to talk to you about something. You're gonna hate me for saying this but I think I saw Cole use... Piper: No. Paige, we've been through this a million times. Paige: No, this is different. I think I saw Cole use demonic... Piper: No-no-no-no. There is nothing demonic about Cole, and whether you like it or not, he's your brother-in-law. So whatever issues you have with him you're gonna have to take care of yourself. (Piper leaves.) Paige: Karen, can I ask you a couple of questions? [Cut to outside. Piper gets in her car and drives off. Cole pulls up in front of the house in his convertible.] [Cut to inside. Living room.] Karen: I don't know, I just felt him do something behind me. Paige: Something like what? Did you see him do anything? Karen: Who are you? Why did you bring me here? (Leo walks in.) Leo: Paige. Have you seen Piper around? (Paige goes over to him.) Paige: Yeah, she's already left. Aren't you supposed to be on club duty? Leo: Well, I'd much rather be on my honeymoon. Who is she? Is there something wrong? Paige: No, she's an innocent, we're on top of it. More importantly, I think I saw Cole using magical powers. Leo: What? Paige: Yes. I know it sounds crazy but I think I saw his hand glow. Leo: Paige... Paige: No, look, there's something strange going on. All the elaborate gifts and he's got the 50,000 dollar car, what kind of job comes with perks like that? Leo: So Cole gets a company car and that automatically makes him a demon in your eyes? Paige: No, no, it's just that something is different with him lately and it's not good. Am I the only one seeing this? Leo: Maybe you're the only one who wants to see it. Paige: Meaning? Leo: Meaning that no one wants to be the fifth wheel. Paige: That's not fair. Leo: You know what's not fair? Is you judging Cole for his past. He's not a demon anymore and he's part of this family. (Leo walks outside and flames out.) [Cut to the underground. Leo flames in and turns back into Cole. The Seer is there as Mike.] Mike: Well, it's about time. (Cole changes Mike back into the Seer.) Seer: Thank you. Cole: Paige saw me using my powers. Seer: What? You've been exposed? Cole: Not necessarily, she's not certain what she saw. Seer: Nevertheless, she must die. Cole: A little subtlety. That would hardly put Phoebe in an amorous mood and I'm too close now to abandon my plan. Seer: If one of the witches is onto you, more than your plan is at risk. Cole: Still, she's not sure she can trust her own eyes. And I think I know a way to make sure no one trusts what Paige says she saw. Seer: How? Cole: The innocent the girls brought home was infected by a power broker. Seer: What does that have to do with it? Cole: If I can get a power broker to do the same to Paige, she'll become unstable as well. But by the time she reaches breaking point her sisters will be on their honeymoons. Seer: She could alert them. Cole: Not if I accelerate her slide. Push her past fear and into paranoia. Then she won't trust them enough to alert them. (Cole waves his hand and a power broker appears.) Power Broker: Who did this? Who pulled me here? Cole: I did. (Cole's eyes turn black.) Power Broker: Source. You live. (He kneels on the ground.) Cole: Let's just keep that between us for now. (The Power Broker stands up.) I have an assignment for you. If you succeed, you will be rewarded with more power than you can possibly imagine. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe walks in. There are people everywhere. A guy walks past her.] Guy: Wow, hi. You are? Phoebe: Married. Honeymooning tonight. Yeah, can not wait. (He turns to leave.) Uh, excuse me. I'm actually looking for someone. A boss-type someone. Her name is Elise. (The guy points to an office. Phoebe goes over and the door opens before she can knock.) Elise: What? Phoebe: Hi. I'm here on behalf of Karen Young. She's fallen ill... Elise: Tell her she's fired. Phoebe: What? No-no. Elise: When she's late, I'm late. I'm an editor with better things to do than to wait around for her. Phoebe: No, but she's not gonna be late. Is she late already? Elise: Deadlines 8:00 tonight. And I thought you said she was sick. Phoebe: Well, that's why I'm here. To pick up her assignment and bring it to her. Believe me, nothing is more important to Karen than reporting the news. Elise: I would hardly call the advice column news. (Elise takes Phoebe into a very messy office.) This week's letter is probably on this train wreck of a desk. Phoebe: Wow, that's a lot of mail. Elise: Yeah, she's got a follower so she must be doing something right. Phoebe: Uh, since there's so much traffic right now and I have to get this mail to her, would you consider extending the... Elise: I appreciate the fact that it takes a special type of person to rifle through the miseries of absolute strangers and actually manage to help. The fact is, I couldn't even manage to care. This is a newspaper and we work on a deadline. End of conversation. (Elise leaves.) [Scene: P3. Piper and Leo are down behind the bar. Piper giggles. Piper's cell phone rings and she pops up on her knees, out of breath to answer it.] Piper: Hello? Phoebe: Hey, did you make the potion? Piper: Potion? P-P-Paige is making the potion. (Leo pops up beside Piper and starts kissing her neck..) And I have ten glorious minutes then I have to have my herbs. Phoebe: Great, because I need your help fast. Karen's gonna get fired unless we get her advice column in by 8:00 tonight. Piper: Uh-huh. Phoebe: So what would tell a twenty-eight year old woman who's still living in her parents house because she's afraid of living alone. Piper: I'd tell her to get a life. Phoebe: How can I write that? We fight demons every day. How can I tell her that there's nothing to be afraid of, you know? (Piper makes a noise.) What are you doing, Piper? Piper: I am taking my own advice. Phoebe: Eww. (She hangs up.) [Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Paige is making the potion while Karen sits at the table mumbling to herself.] Karen: I gotta get outta here. I gotta get outta here now! (She stands up and pushes the table onto its side. She heads for the door and Paige stands in her way.) Paige: Karen, the medicine is almost finished, after you take it you can go anywhere you want. Karen: You're trying to poison me. You're working for that bitch Elise. I'm gonna kill her before she kills me. Paige: No, we are only trying to help you. No one is trying to hurt you. Karen: I don't want your help. (She pushes Paige onto the floor and runs into the foyer. Paige orbs out and orbs back in front of Karen.) Paige: I'm sorry, I just can't let you go. Karen: Oh my god, what are you? (Karen pounces at Paige and Paige jumps out of the way. Cole comes in through the front door and grabs Karen.) Cole: What's going on in here? Karen: Get off me! Leave me alone! Cole: Where's Phoebe? Paige: Good question. (The power broker smokes in behind Paige.) Cole: Paige, behind you! (The power broker throws a white ball at Paige and she glows. Cole lets go of Karen and dives on the power broker.) Paige, get her outta here! Karen: Stay away from me! (She holds up her hands and fire comes out of them, burning Paige's arms. Karen runs outside.) Paige: Leo! (Leo orbs in with Piper. Leo starts to heal Paige.) Cole: Power broker, blow him up! Power Broker: What? (Piper blows him up.) Piper: Uh, where's Karen? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Paige, Leo and Cole are there. Paige is making the potion. She touches her head.] Leo: You should be feeling better, I healed your wounds. Paige: Oh, yeah, I am just a little woozy. (Piper comes in talking on the phone.) Piper: It was like acid spray, hurt Paige pretty bad. So, um, we need to find Karen fast. Phoebe: So our innocent is now our demon? Piper: Right. But she is still our innocent. And, listen, Paige said she was ranting about hating her boss so she could be on her way there. Phoebe: Oh, well, great, then you should be on your way here too. Because there's not a lot I can do against an acid breathing innocent, you know. Piper: The acid is coming out of her hands. Phoebe: Whatever. I'm on a deadline, okay. (Piper hangs up.) Piper: Okay, I'm gonna go to Phoebe in case Karen goes there. Paige: I'll orb you. Cole: No. Your orbing's still a little clumsy. And besides, they might need Leo's healing powers. Piper: Uh, yeah, he's right. You should stay here in case Karen comes back. And if there's any problems, any real problems, you can call for us. Leo: (to Cole) Keep an eye on her will you? Cole: Yeah, don't worry. (Leo orbs out with Piper.) Paige, you don't still have a problem with me do you? I don't believe it, I saved your life out there. Paige: I-I just, I don't understand. (She runs out. Cole knocks the potion onto the floor.) Cole: Oops. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Piper and Leo are in Karen's office looking through the window. Phoebe is typing on the computer.] Piper: What if she doesn't come here? Leo: It's our best bet. Phoebe: How do you spell oblique? Piper: With spell check. (Karen barges in the building.) Leo: There she is. (Karen runs into a man.) Karen: Outta my way. Piper: Phoebe. Phoebe: Mm. Piper: Phoebe. Acid spraying innocent in the house. Phoebe: Yeah, just give me a second. (Piper opens the door.) Piper: Karen. She's in here, she's waiting for your assignment. (Karen walks in and looks around.) Phoebe: Yes! Printing. Piper: Hi, saving. Karen, we have your medicine. (Acid spray comes out of her hands. Piper jumps out of the way and Phoebe levitates. The spray melts the computer.) Phoebe: Whoa, it's a good thing I was done. (Piper freezes Karen.) Leo: Someone's coming and the door doesn't lock. Phoebe: Oh, that's Elise. She's coming for Karen's assignment. God, I hope she likes it. Piper: Phoebe! Phoebe: What? Okay, okay, what do I do? What do I do? (Piper gives Phoebe the potion.) Piper: Shove it down her throat. Phoebe: Shove it down her throat. Okay. (Piper stands behind Karen.) Piper: Go (Piper grabs Karen from behind and Karen unfreezes. Phoebe races over and pours the potion in her mouth.) Phoebe: Sorry, sorry, sorry. (Elise tries to open the door but Leo holds it closed.) Elise: Karen? Karen, open the door. (Piper sits Karen on the chair. A light comes out of her. Leo lets go of the door.) Leo: Sorry, it was jammed. Elise: What the hell is going on in here? Who are you? Phoebe: Uh, this is, this is Karen's doctor and nurse. I told you, she very sick. Elise: Is she gonna live? Leo: Uh, yeah, yeah, she's gonna be fine. Elise: Good. (to Karen) Where's my copy? Karen: Um, I don't... Phoebe: I have that. I have the copy. (Phoebe takes it out of the printer and hands it to Elise. Elise reads it.) Elise: Ha! That's funny. Phoebeb: I-It's funny? Like-like bad funny? What's funny? Elise: You should be sick more often. This is good stuff. Phoebe: Really? It is? Yay, Karen. Karen: Thank you. Elise: You're welcome. Phoebe: We did it. I mean, we did it. Yay, we. [Cut to the manor. Attic. Paige and Cole are there. Paige is kneeling on the floor, frightened.] Cole: Paige. (He throws a fireball.) What's the matter? Are you okay? Paige: How did you do that? Cole: Do what? Paige: Just admit it, you're a demon, just tell the truth. Cole: Paige, I can't believe you'd even think that. You're the one who's acting strange. If you keep this up, you're gonna hurt yourself. (Cole walks towards.) Paige: Stay away from me! (She crawls to the corner.) I'm gonna tell Phoebe. Cole: Oh, come on. You don't really think your sisters would leave me alone with you if I was evil? Paige: Stay away from me. Cole: You really think Phoebe would've married me if I was a demon? (Fire images show up in Cole's eyes. Cole's phone rings. He answers it.) Hello? Phoebe: Hey. Did you say something about a honeymoon suite for tonight? Cole: Does that mean you found Karen? Phoebe: Yes. We found her, we saved her, we even saved her job. She's fine. The only thing is she doesn't remember anything that happened today. Cole: Perfect. Phoebe: What? Cole: Well, that means she can't expose you guys as witches. You know what? If we hurry, we can still make late check in. Phoebe: Oh, but I don't have anything to wear. Cole: I can pack for you. I know what I like. Phoebe: I bet you do. Okay, I'll meet you there. Cole: Hey, wait-wait-wait. Why don't you tell Leo and Piper to orb straight to Hawaii, don't even bother packing. You never know when the next demon's gonna attack. Phoebe: I'll tell them. You just hurry. Bye. (Cole hangs up. Paige runs towards Cole and flames surround him. She stops. The flames disappear. Paige cries.) Paige: Stop it. Why are you doing this? Cole: What's the matter? Seeing things? (He leaves the attic. Paige starts throwing things around the room. She throws her hands out and she zaps a dollhouse. She looks at her hands, sits on the floor and continues to cry. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Paige storms downstairs. She walks into the living room and throws something off the table as she passes.] Paige: I know you're here. I'll find you. (She turns around and zaps a mirror. She sees a photo of Cole and Phoebe and zaps it.) [Cut to a hotel room. Phoebe and Cole are on the bed feeding food to each other.] Phoebe: I love you. Cole: Mm, I had a feeling. Phoebe: And here I thought all this time I was being so subtle. (Paige orbs in.) Oh my god, Paige. (Paige tries to zap Cole.) The power brokers got to her. There's potion in my purse. (They get off the bed. Cole goes to Phoebe's purse.) Paige: He's evil. Phoebe: Paige, don't do this, fight it. (Paige goes to zap Cole but Phoebe kicks her arm. Cole drops the potion on the floor. Paige tries to zap Cole again but misses. Phoebe holds onto Paige's arms.) Paige: He's evil. I have to stop him. Phoebe: Leo! Leo! (Leo and Piper orb in, wearing lei's.) Piper: This better be... (she sees what's happening) good. Leo: Look at her eyes. (Paige struggles to get out of Phoebe's grip. Piper walks over and hits Paige over the head with a candlestick.) Phoebe: Okay, Piper, wh-wh... Piper: What? This is what Whitelighters are for. Where's the potion? (Leo tries to heal Paige.) Cole: It's broken. Piper: Oh, okay, well, there's more at the manor. Cole: No, there's not actually. Paige broke that one too. Piper: Wh-what do you mean? That took forever to make. Should could die if we have to make more. Phoebe: How did we not notice? Piper: Oh, she was talking about not trusting Cole. It didn't occur to me that she might be infected. This is all my fault. Phoebe: No, it's not your fault, it's no one's fault. (Phoebe goes over to Paige.) Leo, she's burning up. Leo: I tried to heal her, I can't. Piper: Well, what are we supposed to do? Just stand here and watch her die? Phoebe: Oh, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening. Not again. (She looks at Cole.) Cole: This is a way. We need to find a power broker to pull it out of her. Piper: I blew him up. Cole: There's others. You'll have to orb me underground. Phoebe: We'll all go. Cole: No, it's too dangerous. You never know what kind of powers they might have. Besides, your powers might not work too well down there. Phoebe: Cole, you don't have any powers. Piper: Cole, there's no time to argue, we're going. Phoebe: I'm gonna get dressed. [Cut to the underworld. Three power brokers are sitting around a table swapping powers.] Power Broker #2: So, I'll give you an energy ball for a lightning bolt. Power Broker #3: -----. (Leo and Cole peek around the corner.) Leo: What are they doing? Cole: Trading powers. Leo: So what do we do? Cole: I don't know. (Piper and Phoebe walk around the corner.) Piper: We barge in. Get Paige. Cole: Wait, wait, wait. (They walk in.) Piper: Sorry to interrupt, but I think one of you may have misplaced a power. Cole: (to Leo) I'll get her, you get ready to orb them out of here. Power Broker #2: Who are you? Piper: We're the Charmed Ones. And one of you jack asses infected our sister. Phoebe: (to Piper) It's gonna be pretty hard to tell which jack ass though, huh. Piper: So, here's the deal. We'll spare your lives if you pull your skanky little power out of her. (Cole carries Paige in.) Power Broker #2: The power of the Charmed Ones lies in the power of three. You're one witch down. Phoebe: Um, you sure you wanna test that theory? (A lightning bolt comes out of his hand, missing them.) Piper: Too bad. You lose. (Piper tries to blow him up.) Cole: Told you about your powers down here. Leo: Let's get out of here. Piper: Keep in mind that that was just a warning. Next time I'll use full force. (Two power brokers kneel down.) Power Broker #3: Forgive us. We'll do whatever you ask. Phoebe: See, that's more like it, right there. (Cole's eyes turn black and the power brokers see.) Power Broker #2: What the hell are you doing? (One of the power brokers throw an energy ball at him.) Piper: What are you waiting for? (The power brokers remove the power out of Paige. She wakes up and stands up.) Paige: Where am I? Phoebe: You're gonna be okay, sweetie. Leo: Now can we get out of here? Piper: Wait. (Piper blows up all the power balls on the table.) I had enough power to do that, eh? (They leave, except Cole.) Cole: Shh. [Scene: Underground. A cave. Cole is there. The Seer walks in.] Seer: Why would you save Paige after everything you do to destroy her? Cole: They would've found a way to save her anyway. This way I get the credit. Seer: Did you do it for credit? Or love? I supposed there's some things even the Source can't defeat. Cole: Careful. Seer: I am, but are you? We have worked too hard to let a nugget of humanity destroy a legacy of evil. Cole: Paige has no memory. She's not a threat to us anymore. Seer: I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about Cole. His the one threat neither one of us can control. He saved Paige not you. Cole: I'm not concerned. There'll be nothing he can do once Phoebe's pregnant. Is she? (The Seer looks into the future.) Well? Seer: I see conflicting futures. Only time will tell. (She disappears.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Piper and Phoebe are sitting at a table. Paige comes over and sits down.] Paige: I can't believe I destroyed the house. Phoebe: What I can't believe is what you almost saw in the hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier... Piper: Lalala! Over sharing. (Karen approaches the table.) Phoebe: Hey, Karen! Karen: Oh, I'd hope I'd find you here. Paige: Do we know her? Piper: Oh, your memory really is shot. Karen: Um, you told fearful Merrin to get a dog. Phoebe: Yeah, oh, I know, I know, it seemed right at the time, you know, so she didn't have to... Karen: I would've told her to get a therapist and a life. Piper: See, this is what I said. Karen: Hers was better. Phoebe: Really? Karen: It was proactive, it was non-judgmental. The whole column had a freshness and a passion that it hasn't had for a really long time. Phoebe: Thank you. Karen: And I'm gonna tell Elise that you wrote it. Phoebe: Oh, no, Karen, don't do that. I mean, she'll fire you then. Karen: And my guess is she'll hire you. If you think you can handle working for that witch. Piper: Hm, I thought of her as more of a demon. Phoebe: Oh, shh. Karen: Well, either, I hate her. And even though I'm not sure what happened today, I just feel like I wanna spend more time at home with my kid. So I wanna say thanks, for everything. (Karen leaves.) Phoebe: That is very sweet. Paige: What just happened there? Piper: I think Phoebe just got a job. (Phoebe laughs.) Phoebe: I can't. Can I? Piper: Phoebe, somebody is going to pay you to tell other people what to do. Shut up and be happy. (They pick up their drinks.) To Phoebe. May you never give any lethal advice. Paige: And to Piper, may you actually get to go on your honeymoon tomorrow. Phoebe: And to Paige... Paige: May I never try to kill you again. Piper: You're not really a Halliwell until you've gone demonic on your sisters at least twice. Phoebe: Actually, she didn't go demonic on us, she went demonic on Cole. Piper: You say tomato, and I say... Phoebe: Karen already hated Elise. That's why Elise became the object of Karen's demonic rage. Which also means that you already hated Cole. Paige: No, I don't hate Cole, Phoebe. I just don't trust him. I don't know why I feel that way, I just, I don't. I'm sorry. Phoebe: Yeah. So am I. (Phoebe walks away. Piper gets up and follows her.)	Plan: A: Paige; Q: Who feels like a fifth wheel among her sisters? A: Phoebe; Q: Who does Cole, the new Source, and the Seer plot to impregnate? A: the sisters; Q: Who tries to save a columnist? A: a columnist; Q: Who do the sisters try to save? A: The Underworld; Q: Where does Cole try to get Paige out of the way? Summary: Paige, who feels like a fifth wheel among her happily married sisters and their husbands, becomes firmly convinced that Cole is still evil. Cole, the new Source, and the Seer secretly plot to impregnate Phoebe. Meanwhile, the sisters try to save a columnist as Cole tries to get Paige out of the way through his demonic contacts in The Underworld.
[Scene: Monica and Chandlers apartment.] Monica: Hey Hon, could you help me get the plates down? Chandler: Yeah. Hey, here's an idea, why don't we use our wedding china today? Monica: No, I think we should save our china for something really special. Like if the Queen of England comes over. Chandler: Honey, she keeps canceling on us, take the hint. Monica: What if something gets broken, they're so expensive. Chandler: What is the point of having them if we never use them? Monica: Ok, but if something gets broken, and then the Queen comes over.. Chandler: I will explain it to her. Monica: <laughs> Oh yeah, like I'm going to let you talk to the queen. Joey: wow, the parade is really good this year. Man those horses can crap. TV announcer: Next up is a marching band from Muskogee, OK. Chandler: Muskogee! That's like four hours from Tulsa. Woo hoo! TV announcer: And heres the float with the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives . <Joey's eyes become large and he stands up> Joey: Oh my God! Chandler: Aren't you one of the stars of the popular daytime soap Days of Our Lives? Joey: Yeah! I totally forgot I'm supposed to be there. I can't believe I forgot. I usually write stuff like this on my arm. <Chandler grabs Joey's left arm and pushes the sleeve up> <Joey looks> Oh! Stupid long sleeves. Chandler: What are you going to do? Joey: I guess I'm going to have to come up with a really good reason why I wasn't there. The producers are going to be so mad at me. They sat us all down yesterday and said "Everyone has to be there at 6:00 AM sharp, that means you Tribbiani." Like.. like I was some kind of idiot. Chandler: Well you proved them wrong. Joey nods: Yeah. <Chandler nods and his eyes get big like he's saying 'what the hell'> Opening Credits Ross and Rachels Apartment <Ross and Rachel are putting baby stuff together like they're going to be going somewhere.> Rachel to Emma: Oh Emma. This is going to be your first Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for? Mommy's bobbies. Ross: A lot of people are thankful for those. < knock on door> Woman at door: Hello? Rachel? Rachel: Who is it? Woman at door: It's your favorite sister. Ross and Rachel while looking at each other surprised and shocked: Jill? Woman at door in a sing song voice: Amy. Rachel: Hide my rings. <Ross goes into Rachel's room> Rachel: Oh. <opens door preparing herself and then happily says> Amy! Happy Thanksgiving. Amy: Do you have a hair straightener? Rachel: Um... hi. Amy: oh... hi.. <goes to Rachel with open arms> Rachel: Aw. <Amy grabs her arms> Amy: Hair Straightener? Rachel: I haven't seen you in like.. a year. Amy: Oh, I know, I know. I've just been crazed. Rachel: Oh well yeah me too. Um.. I had a baby. Amy: I decorated Dad's office. Rachel: Oh.. yeah? Well unless you pushed a desk out of your vg1n, <shakes head no> not the same thing. Amy: Listen, um about the hair straightener, honey.. I really need one. I'm going to have dinner at my boyfriend's house. <Amy bending over fiddling with her purse when Emma cries and she hears Emma> Amy: Oh my God! Rachel: mh hmm.. Amy: Is this Emmett? <pointing to EMMA> Rachel: Uh.... its Emma. Amy: Its a girl? <Ross comes out of the bedrooms> Ross: Hey Amy. Rachel: Oh Amy, you remember Ross. Amy: Not really. But you are much cuter then that geeky guy she used to date. Ross: That was me. Amy: No, he was this creepy guy from high school who had this huge crush on her since like the ninth grade. Ross with a look of wondering how long this is going to go on on his face: Still me. Amy: No, I'm not talking about you. <to Rachel> It was your fat friends brother with that bad afro, do you remember? Ross starts talking over her 'do you remember' line: Amy. I'm going to save you some time, ok. <spins finger around in circle> All me. Monica and Chandler's Apartment. <Joey is walking around looking worried. > Monica: Careful. <hands Chandler a china plate> Careful. CAREFUL! <Chandler is startled and nearly drops the plates.> Sorry. Chandler: I'll tell you what, for the rest of our lives, I'll be careful until told otherwise. <looks at china> hey wait a minute this isn't the china we picked out.. Monica: I know, after you left the store, I chose different ones. Chandler: Why? Monica: well no offense honey, but your taste is a little feminine for me. Chandler: Oh suddenly, flowers are feminine? < Phoebe comes in> Phoebe: Hey, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving! Joey: Hey happy Thanksgiving.. Pheebs! <motions her to come over> Phoebe: Hey, what's going on Joe? Joey: I.. I.. I need a good lie. Phoebe: Oh okay. How about the whole "man walking on the moon" thing. You know? You. you could. You could see the strings people! Joey: No, no, no I need a good lie to explain why I wasn't at a work thing today. Phoebe: Ooh, honey. You stink at lying. Joey: I do not. Phoebe: Oh really. Okay. let me ask you something. Yesterday at the coffee house, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my muffin was gone-who took it? Joey: Somebody opened the door to the coffee house and a raccoon came running in, went straight for your muffin and I said "Hey don't eat that-that's Phoebe's" and he said.. <pause> He said.. "Joey you stink at lying." What am I going to do? Phoebe: Don't worry, don't worry. We'll come up with a good lie. I'll help you practice it. Joey: Oh great, that'd be great. Thank you. Phoebe: Sure, what.. what was the work thing? Joey: Uh.. <forgetting what the work thing was, rolls up his sleeve on his right arm and shows Phoebe, she looks> Phoebe: "Pick up grandma at the airport"? Joey: Oh.. man.. Ross and Rachel's Apartment. Amy with straight hair: Oh she's precious. Do you ever worry she's going to get your real nose? Rachel: Amy! <pause> Yes I do.. I really do. <grabs Ross' hand for support> <Amy's cell phone rings> Amy: Hello? Yeah, um. Hang on one sec. <to Ross and Rachel> Can I take this upstairs? Ross: Sure, we don't live there but... Amy: Seriously? Its.. its just these rooms? <moves hands around motioning 'just these rooms'> <To Ross> I thought you were a doctor. Rachel: Yeah, no. Ross has a PhD. Amy: Ew. <walks into Rachel's room, I'm guessing> Rachel: God she is unbelievable. Ross: I know, I mean a PhD is just as good as an MD. Rachel: Oh sure Ross, yeah. If I have a heart attack in a restaurant, I want you there with your fossil brush. Amy storms out: Stupid Thanksgiving. Rachel: What? What happened? Amy: My boyfriend canceled on me. I mean.. I I finally find a real relationship. I mean, someone that I can spend this day with and then his wife comes back into town. I swear, its almost not worth dating married guys. Ross: Don't say that. Amy: Oh. I was so looking forward to this. It was going to be such a beautiful Thanksgiving. We were going to have sushi. Rachel: Oh Amy, don't cry Amy. Um.. Ross, could I talk to you in private? Ross: Sure, you want to go upstairs? <Ross and Rachel go in the kitchen> Rachel: Um look I was thinking.. If its ok with Monica I would like to invite Amy to Thanksgiving. Ross: You know, I think thats a great idea. It'll be like the pilgrims bringing the Indians syphilis. Rachel: Look I know she's a little tough to take. She has no where else to go, and she's my sister. Alright, she's Emma's aunt. And I would like them to bond. Ross: Ok, fine, but I don't want them bonding to much. I don't want her telling Emma she needs a nose job. Rachel: Ross, you know what? She may need one..We're just going to have to make our peace with that! <Rachel grabs Ross' hand for support and starts to cry a little> Monica and Chandler's apartment Rachel opens their door: Hi. Everyone there says: Hi, hey. Rachel: Hey you guys, this is my sister Amy. This is Chandler, Joey, Phoebe and you know Mon. Everyone: Hi. Amy: Oh my god. You're on Days of Our Lives. Joey laughs: Yeah. Amy: wow. They must put a lot of makeup on you. Joey looks rejected: Hap.. Hap.. Happy Thanksgiving. <Joey turns away and Chandler reassuringly pats him on the back> Ross to Monica: Hi. Monica to Ross: Hi. <they hug and kiss on check> Monica to Emma: Hey you. Monica to Amy: So. Welcome. Is this your first time you're seeing Emma? Amy with confused look on face: Yeah I.. I think so. <sticks her hand out to shake hands with Phoebe and says to her> It's nice to meet you Emma. Phoebe shakes her hand and says: Phoe-Be. Amy: Oh. That's a funny noise. <Monica and Amy turn away and walk into the living room towards the secret closet> Joey: Pheebs, I still need some help here Phoebe: Oh right, ok um. Ok so its not just the lie you tell. but its the way you tell it. . For example if you look down at the ground when you're talking, people know you're lying. Joey: Oh.. I don't know why this is so hard for me. you know.. I mean lying is basically just acting and I am a terrfic actor. Phoebe looks down: You are a terrific actor. <Joey realizes what she's doing> Amy coming out of the bathroom: Hey. Hey where's the baby? Rachel: Oh we just put her down for a nap. Amy: Oh I was just thinking. You know what would be incredible? If you guys died. Ross first has a look of 'huh' then changes it to sarcastic happy: Thank you Amy. Amy: no, no, then I would get the baby. I mean you know it would be just like a movie. Like at first I wouldn't know what to do with her, then I would rise to the occasion and and then I would get a makeover and then I'd get married. Phoebe: Thats a great movie. <she claps> <Joey nods in agreement> Amy: Now listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything cause you know you'd be dead. I was thinking about changing her name. I'm just not really a big fan of Emily. [Transcriber note: I'm surprised that Rachel and Ross didn't say they weren't either here] Ross: Emma. Amy turns around to Phoebe: Emma, Ross wants you. Phoebe: PHOE-BE. Amy turns to Ross and Rachel: Why does she keep making that noise? Rachel: Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but um, if something were to happen to Ross or to myself <Ross and Rachel knock on wood> um you wouldn't get the baby. Amy: Well who would? Ross: Well we haven't offically asked them yet, but we would want Monica and Chandler. Chandler: I can't believe you'd want us to raise Emma. Monica: yeah oh my god, I'm so moved. Amy: I don't believe this, hold on a second. You guys die and I don't get your baby? Rachel: See look Amy, we're a lot closer to Monica and Chandler. We see them every day. And truthfully honey, you don't seem very connected to the baby. Amy: Connected? I mean.. to what? She's.. she's a lump. Chandler: You know, guys I got to say. This means so much to me. That you would trust me with your child. I mean, we all know that Monica and I have been trying to have a baby of our own. You know I've had my doubts about my skills as a father, but that you two.. that you two.... <starts to cry> Amy: <points to Chandler> This guy? Seriously? Later in the day. Monica: Okay! It's time for dinner. Everyone we're using our fancy china.. um and its very expensive so please be careful. Ross starts playing with a plate: Woah. Woah... <nearly really drops the plate and more seriously> Woah. Monica: Okay, just to be clear comedy with the plates will not be well recieved. <pinches Ross' arm> Ross makes some sort of sound to let us know it hurt. Joey: Hey! How come my plate's less fancy then everyone else's? Do you not trust me with a fancy plate? Monica: No, honey, its. thats a special plate. See its a game, whoever gets that plate wins. Joey: I can't believe I won. Amy: Its such a slap in the face. I'm your sister and you would give your baby to these strangers over me. Rachel: Monica is Ross' sister. Amy: No, Ross' sister was really fat. Monica: That was me. Amy: No, she was this really dorky girl in high school that used to follow Rachel around like a puppy dog. Rachel: Hey. Amy. You've got to stop doing that. <Amy gets pissed and starts cutting food on the fancy plate very harshly, you can hear the silveware scraping the fancy plate> Monica about to have a heart attack: Okay, listen I know you're having a little bit of a family crisis, but you don't have to take it out on the plates. I mean, I mean in fact I think that everyone should cut their food like this. <Monica holds a turkey leg up in the air over the plate trying to cut meat off with a knife> Monica: Now see, this way you protect the plate.. and lets face it you have fun. Amy: Okay, how about this, you guys die and the crazy plate lady dies, then do I get the baby? Chandler: No, if crazy plate lad.. <sees Monica frustrated at this comment> If Monica dies then I would get Emma, Right? <Ross and Rachel pause and ponder this> Rachel: Well actually... Chandler: Actually what? Ross: well.. its just. its just in that case, then um. Emma would go to my parents. Chandler: What? Amy: Hurts, doesn't it? <Chandler gives a look that says "Yeah!"> Joey raises his hand: Uh.. who has to die for me to get her? <Everyone is looking around and at Joey with looks of 'what?' on their faces> Commercial Break. Chandler: So if Monica's not around, then I'm not good enough to raise Emma? Ross looks down: No, that that is not what we're saying. Joey: Yeah he's lying. He looked down. <Joey looks to Phoebe and she nods in agreement> Chandler: Well what is wrong with me? Am I .. am I incomptent? Because I managed to survive whatever it is that killed the three of you! Rachel: Honey, you're taking this the wrong way. We think you're going to be a wonderful parent. It's just.. you're more the fun parent. Ross: Yeah and we'd want to make sure Emma has someone like Monica who is more uh. uh discliplinarin.. someone who can be firm and strict. Monica: Thats not how you see me, is it? Phoebe while cutting a sweet potatoe in the air: No you're all about the fun. Chandler: Look, I may not know a lot about babies, but do you really think I'm not capable? Ross: No, you both are equally capable. Its just.. you're strongest when.. when you're together. Chandler: Ok. So if we both had Emma and I die <knocks on table> she'd have to give her up. Ross: Sure, Monica would have to give her up. Joey: I lie better then that, right? Chandler: So.. let me get this straight. So my two friends die, I get Emma. Then my wife dies, then Emma the one tiny ray of hope left in my life gets taken away from me? Phoebe: There's your movie! <claps> Later on. Monica opens her front door. Chandler is sitting in the hallway. Monica: Hey. There you are. You disappeared after dinner. Chandler: Oh? Did somebody miss me? Is there a child to raise poorly? Monica: Ross and Rachel don't know what they're talking about. I mean its not like their so responsible. Emma is a product of a bottle of Merlot and a five year old condom. Chandler: Yeah but they're right. I mean, I'm not a strong father figure and I never will be. Monica: No you learn these things. You grow into it. Chandler: Yeah, but its not who I am. Everything they said was exaclty why I was worried about having a kid. And its true. And look everybody knows it. Monica: I don't know it! I want to have a kid with you because I think you're going to be an amazing dad... at the fun parts and the hard parts. Chandler: Oh yeah, well can you picture me saying "Go to your room! You're grounded"? Monica: Can you hear me say "You're grounded"? Chandler: You said that to me last week. Monica: How hard is it? No shoes on the furniture. [SCENE_BREAK] Back to Monica and Chandler's apartment. Amy is sitting on a chair by the bay window looking mad. Joey groans and gets off the phone: The producer from Days left a message on my machine asking why I wasn't at the parade. They said everybody's pissed off at me.. <whiny voice> And they all got to meet Santa! Phoebe: It's ok. I thought of the perfect lie for you. It's easy to remember and doesn't invite a lot of questions. You weren't at the parade because you had a family emergency. Joey: Oh, I like that, yeah. Wasn't at the parade because I had a family emergency. Phoebe: Ooh, what happened? Joey all nervous and looking down and fiddling with his ear: Oh.. My sister's raccoon. Phoebe: No! Nothing with a raccoon. Joey: Arg... Alright, I'll take care of it. <throws hands out in the air> Monica and Chandler come through the front door. Monica: Oh wait.. What are you doing? Joey: Setting the table. Phoebe: Yeah we thought it would be nice to use the fancy china for dessert too. Monica: Oh how nice. Maybe later we can all go blow our noses on my wedding dress. Ross comes out of the guest bedroom with the diaper bag and the car seat carrying thingy.. yeah.. thats the techinal term.. He goes to Chandler. Ross: Hey dude, you okay? Sorry about before. Chandler: Oh no thats okay, you're totally right. I don't know anything about disciplining a child. But it did hurt my feelings and I want you to know that when I die, you don't get Joey. Ross walks away with a face of yeah ok. Amy walks over to the couch and sits down next to Rachel: Ucch. <pauses> Uchh <louder this time> In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you. Rachel: UCHH! <much louder and longer then Amy's> Amy: You know.. this.. this is classic Rachel. Rachel: Yeah.. yeah right.. Remember in high school when I died and didn't give you my baby? Amy: This might be my one chance to have a baby Rachel. I mean, you know that I have been so busy focusing on my carrer. Rachel: What? What carrer? Amy: Um.. I'm a decorator. Rachel: Ok. You decorate dad's office and so now you're a decorator. Okay! I went to the zoo yesterday and now I'm a koala bear. Amy: Why can't you ever be supportive? Rachel: Sup.. You want to talk supportive? You didn't even come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby. Amy: Oh. Yeah. Well.. You didn't come see me when I was in the hospital when I was getting my lips done. Rachel: I did the first time! Oh. Oh.. <gets up and walks into the kitchen> And you know what. You want to know why I'm not giving Emily to you. Ross: Emma. Rachel turns to Ross: Oh whose side are you on? <back to Amy> I'm not giving you Emma because there is no way you could handle the responibility of a child. Amy: How hard could it be? You do it. Joey: ooh oooh.. Amy: Do you want to know why you don't want me to have the baby? Rachel: uh huh. Amy: Because you don't want me to be happy. You.. you have always been jealous of me. Rachel: Jealous of what? Of your lack of responsiblity? You, your immaturity? Your total disregard of other people's feelings? Amy: Uh.. To name a few. You know.. You know.. You've just always been like this. You just have to have everything. And I couldn't have anything. Like in junior high, when you stole Timmy from me. I mean, do you even realize how much that hurt me? Rachel: Timmy was my boyfriend and you made out with him! Amy: Oh come on, that was 20 years ago. Get over it. Rachel: I cannot, I cannot believe that I invited you here today. Amy: Yeah, well you know what I cannot believe. That my so-called sister, gets a 30% discount from Ralph Lauren and I still have to pay retail. Rachel: ah ha ha. ah ha ha. <evil meancing laughter> It's forty five. Amy: You bitch. You just think you're so perfect. With your new baby and your, your small apartment. <directs this to Ross who in turns throws the towel in his hand down on the table> Well let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute. <everyone sucks their breath in, in shock> Ross walks over: Too far, Amy. Too far. Rachel: You take that back. Amy: No. Rachel: Take it back! Amy: No! What are you going to do? Make me? Rachel: Heey man, I work out. <Ross nods his head and points at her, in a yes manner> Amy: So do I. Rachel: I do pilates. Amy: I do yoga. Rachel: Bring it on! <Amy pushes Rachel and Monica goes berserk and runs around the table> Monica: Put the plates in the boxes!! Put the plates in the boxes! Rachel: Did you just push me? Amy: Uh, yeah I think I did. Rachel: Alright. Thats it! <Pushes Amy back> Monica screaming at Ross: Forget the bubblewrap! There isn't time! <Rachel and Amy 'fighting'.. They're really just trying to slap each other and just keep slapping their hands> Rachel starts messing up Amy's hair: Frizzy frizzy frizzy frizzy!! <They go back to fighting and then it really gets on> Phoebe: Oh my god! Shouldn't we stop this? Joey: What? Are you out of your mind? Lets throw some jello on them. <Amy starts spitting on Rachel's hand and Rachel is saying ew and pushes her away> Rachel: Ew! Gross. <Amy runs towards Rachel and Rachel puts her arm out, hand on Amy's head and Amy starts trying to hit her but is missing, Rachel is moving backwards towards the table when her hand swipes the one plate left on the table on to the floor> <Everyone is shocked and Monica faints and Ross catches her> Chandler: Alright! That is it. This is our apartment and you can not behave this way. Now if you can't act your age then you shouldn't be here at all. Now those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones I picked out, but they're very important to Monica. I want you to apologize to her right now. Amy: I'm sorry. Rachel: Mon, I'm so sorry. Chandler: Okay. Thats better. Now I want you to both apologize to each other and mean it. Amy and Rachel at same time: Sorry. Chandler: By the way, that fight was totally arousing. Ross: Dude. Well done. You know what? If I die, and Rachel dies and Monica dies then you can totally take care of Emma. Chandler: Oh yeah? Well thanks. Ross: So, so now do I get Joey? Chandler: Okay, but you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose. <Ross ponders that and walks away> Rachel: Are you okay Mon? Monica: uh huh.. I mean these things happen. Its' just a plate. Its not like somebody died. Phoebe: It's all right. You can mourn. Monica starts crying: Thank you. It was so beautiful. <gets up and walks towards the front door> I'm going to go to Joeys and get the pies. Joey: Actually its not pies, its just pie. Monica: I don't care. <pauses and realizes...> Oh my god. I've lost the will to scold. Rachel: Look Amy, it got a little of control..Um.. and I'm sorry. You're my sister and uh.. if it really means that much to you.. Amy: So you're going to give me the baby? Rachel: Uh. No.. I was going to let you use my Ralph Lauren discount. Amy starting to cry: You are not going to regret this. <they hug and Rachel has this disgusted look on her face and then Emma starts crying> Rachel: She needs changing. Chandler: Oh no no no.. I'll get her. I'm super-compentent and totally responsibile and fourth in line to raise Emma. I'll be right there Emma. Just let me get my trusty diaper bag here. <knocks over the box of china> Well.. what do you know? I guess, I'll be the one who dies first. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler is packing the broken china in its box. He's taping up the top of box so thoroughly, there isn't an inch of cardboard which isn't covered in tape. He is struggling with the tape dispenser.] Phoebe: Hey, does Monica know about her broken plates yet? Chandler: Nope... Phoebe: Broke them all, huh? Chandler: Yep... Phoebe: You gonna tell her? Chandler: Nope... (Monica walks in) Hey... so I'm gonna... put the plates back. You know, I think you were right, I don't think we should use these plates again for a looong time. Monica: Like only if the queen comes? Chandler: Maybe not even then. (Joey walks in) Joey: Hey! I did it. I called my producer. I told him I had a family emergency, he totally bought it. Thanks for teaching me how to lie Pheebs. Phoebe: No problem! Next week: stealing... (Chandler walks away to store the box of broken china.) Monica: Bye plates! Joey: Oh, you told her you broke all the plates, huh? (Chandler walks back, looking angrily at Joey) Monica: What? Something happened with the plates? Joey: Uhm... (looks down) Yeah... this uhm... raccoon came in...	Plan: A: Rachel; Q: Whose sister shows up for Thanksgiving Dinner? A: Christina Applegate; Q: Who plays Amy? A: Thanksgiving Dinner; Q: When does Rachel's sister Amy show up on Days of Our Lives? A: Emma; Q: What is the name of the baby that Rachel and Ross have decided would go to Ross' parents if they died? A: Emma's custody; Q: What is the topic of the fight between Rachel and Amy? A: Monica; Q: Who obsesses over her expensive china plates? A: Chandler; Q: Who believes that Ross and Rachel do not trust him? A: upsetting Chandler; Q: What does the decision to give Emma to Ross' parents do to Chandler? A: Phoebe; Q: Who coaches Joey on how to lie? A: Joey; Q: Who forgets to go to the Thanksgiving parade? Summary: Rachel's sister Amy ( Christina Applegate ) unexpectedly shows up for Thanksgiving Dinner. Her arrival prompts a big fight over Emma's custody if, hypothetically, Rachel and Ross passed away, though they have already chosen Monica and Chandler. Amy asks if she would get the baby if Monica also died; in that event, Ross and Rachel have also decided that Emma would go to Ross' parents, upsetting Chandler, who believes that Ross and Rachel do not trust him. Meanwhile, Monica obsesses over her expensive china plates, and Phoebe coaches Joey on how to lie after Joey forgets to go to the Thanksgiving parade for Days of Our Lives .
(Joe's Bar) MVO: In life, we are taught that there are seven deadly sins. (Derek and Burke are playing darts) Derek: Let's see what you got here. MVO: We all know the big ones: Gluttony, pride, lust. (Cristina, Izzie and Meredith are watching from another part of the bar.) Cristina: He's picturing my face. He's totally picturing that dart puncturing my skull. MVO: But the sin you don't hear much about is anger. (Burke flexes a muscle) Cristina: Whoa! Look at that. MVO: Maybe it's because we think anger's not that dangerous. (Derek and Meredith exchange angry glances.) Izzie: Derek...Derek is picturing you. MVO: That we can control it. Meredith: He called me a whore. He lost the right to picture me. Izzie: Hmm. Cristina: So I fall asleep during s*x. So what? (Loudly) Ass. Meredith: Ass! (Alex walks by) Izzie: Oh, ass! Hey! Alex: Isobel Stevens has finally left the hospital. Does this mean heart patient dude finally kicked it? Izzie: I'm sorry. This section of the bar is for surgeons. We don't socialize with gynecologists. (George enters) Izzie: George! MVO: My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough credit. (Callie is with George) Izzie: Hey. Meredith: Hi, Callie. Cristina: Hi, Dr. Torres. MVO: Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to destructive behavior... George: Uh, gin and tonic and a beer. MVO: ...it did make the top seven. (Seattle Scenes) (Finn's vet clinic) Derek: That's it? That's your diagnosis? Meredith: Yes, he said bone cancer, so that would be his diagnosis. Derek: I heard him. I was double checking. (Addison and Finn can sense the tension in the room) Finn: I still need to do a bone scan to see how far it's spread. Osteosarcomas are aggressive, but we can try and treat it with chemo or remove the tumor entirely. If it's spread too far, we may have to amputate the limb. Derek: At that point, should we even bother? Meredith: Oh, right. Let's just let him die. Derek: I don't want him to suffer, Meredith. Meredith: Right. (Addison, Derek and Meredith are in an elevator at SGH.) Addison: So what's...I mean, is there something going on? Derek & Meredith: No. Addison: Did you guys have a fight, or something? Derek & Meredith: No. Addison: So...we're all still...friends? Derek & Meredith: Yes. (Derek and Meredith exit the elevator, Addison is left standing there confused.) (Burke and Cristina, walking through the hall) Cristina: I heard you might be getting a heart. For a transplant. Burke: Mercy West has a heart and I'm going to get it, yes. Cristina: Can I go? Because, um, I've done it before. With Dr. Bailey, when she went to get a heart. You can ask her. I was very helpful. Burke: Yeah, I'm sure you were. But I'm not going to need your help on this one. (Ambulance Bay) Paramedic: White male. GSW to the left shoulder. Paramedic: Multiple walking wounded. Five injured coming in behind us. (ER) Meredith: Why are they all in the hallway? Cristina: Overflow from the ER. Izzie: A paramedic told us an employee went postal. Shot up a restaurant. George: I heard he got away. Meredith: Really? (Another part of the ER) Cristina: Neal Hannigan and Deborah Fleiss. They were paying at the register when the gunman came in. Doctor: She's got a through and through to the right upper arm. Good distal pulses. He's sustained a possible graze wound to the right back. Bailey: Lets irrigate the wound and get them to X-ray and order a tet-tox for both. Neal: Don't worry about me, take care of my Deborah first. Deborah: Oh, now you're concerned. Neal: I said I was sorry. Deborah: Sorry? The shooting starts, you duck behind me and you're sorry? Cristina: He ducked behind...? You ducked behind her? Neal: It was instinct. I couldn't help it. Deb, honey, you know I love you. Deborah: Love means never having to use your girlfriend as a human shield! Neal: We shared a bullet, Deborah. It went through you and into me. That's a sign we should be together forever. A sign. Deborah: No, Neal, this is a sign! She's squirting water through my arm. Look! I can see you through my arm. That's another sign. Bailey: Good luck. (Another part of the ER) Meredith: Lower left leg deformity from GSW. Pedal pulse is strong and intact. Paramedics said he got five of morphine in the field. Man: Trust me, it was not enough. Callie: Probably got the tibia. Rule out other injuries then get him up to Radiology. (Another part of the ER) Derek: Lets get her up to CT. Get a hold of her parents. Get them down here as soon as possible. What's her name, by the way? George: Kendra. Kendra Thomas. Derek: Kendra. (Another part of the ER) Izzie: Almost...got it. Brad: Do you know what you're doing? Because that really hurts, you know. Izzie: You know what really hurts? Gunshot wounds. You're lucky. Brad: Lucky? There's no luck. Quick thinking, doll. Izzie: Excuse me? Brad: I'm a quick thinker. Smart. Always right on it. As soon as I saw him, Petey...he's the shooter...I knew when I fired him he was no good. As soon as I saw him, I though, "Oh, here we go." I just knew it was coming. Hey, Chaz. Larry. No offense, but you guys got to think quicker on your feet. Izzie: They have gunshot wounds. Very serious gunshot wounds. Life threatening gunshot wounds. Brad: Really helps that I'm an athlete because the second I saw Petey with that gun, I was like cat quick. Just dove right through the window. Those guys? Not so smart. Izzie: I'm going to take a wild guess and say that Petey was looking for you. (Another part of the ER) Alex: You seen any enema kits? Meredith: We have 13 GSWs. You're looking for enema kits? Alex: I'm trapped upstairs with the gyno-beast on the uterus parade. Meredith: Addison can't do this to you forever, Alex. Alex: You want to bet? Swear to God, she's ruining vaginas for me. (Another part of the ER) Richard: Two dead, 14 injured. The policeman say the gunman got away so there could be more incoming. Burke: I could stay. We could send Bailey. Richard: No. You're our only cardiothoracic transplant specialist. You go get that heart. (Cristina and Alex are watching from nearby) Cristina: Oh, forget it, Karev. I already asked. (Alex runs after Burke) It's not going to...happen. (Rooftop, Burke is entering the helicopter) Alex: Dr. Burke! Dr. Burke! I heard you were getting a heart. Can I go with you? Cristina: I asked first. Burke: You didn't get assigned any gunshot cases? Cristina: Well, yeah, but if you had put me on this when I asked I would've been free. Alex: I didn't. I'm not doing anything. Cristina: No, he's on the gynie squad! Alex: Not if you put me on this transplant. Please. Burke: Let's go, Karev. Cristina: You can't be serious. Alex: Whoo! See you later, Yang. Whoo! (Inside the helicopter) Alex: So who's the lucky patient? (Burke and Cristina stare at each other) Burke: Denny Duquette. (Alex looks sick) (The ER) Bailey: The answer is no, Stevens. Izzie: You don't even know what I'm going to ask. Bailey: You want to help prep Denny Duquette for transplant. Izzie: So it's true? He's getting a heart then? Bailey: See, your face right now? That's the problem. You're overly attached to your patient. So the answer is no, you cannot prep him. Go back to sutures. Izzie: I know Denny's cardiac parameters. I know how his LVAD works better than any other intern. I also know his meds better. I know the frequency, the dosage, the quantity and his physical limitations. I promise I will...I will be 100% professional. Bailey: No flirting, no knitting him sweaters, no marathon games of Scrabble? Izzie: I will treat him with the same protocol I would any other patient. Bailey: All right. Fine. You can inform him the hearts coming. Izzie: Thank you, Dr. Bailey. Bailey: Stevens, if you so much as sit on that bed... Izzie: I got it. (CT viewing room) Derek: Can you imagine? You're at work, you're doing your job and somebody comes in and shoots you. Just...puts a bullet in your head. 19 years old. George: I called her parents, they're on their way. Also... Derek: We need to get her into the OR immediately. I mean, the bullet's gone right through the midline. George: Also, uh... Derek: Look at the size of the hematoma. Also? George: What? Derek: You said "also" twice. George: Yeah. Also, she's pregnant. (ER) Brad: Hey, I'm management so I'm 100% covered. So, I could spend a year in this hospital, wouldn't cost me a cent. That's why, when I told you about management, Chaz, you should've listened to me. Because now you're screwed. Even if you just spend one day in this ER, that's three month's rent. Other Man: Is there any chance you can, please, up my morphine? Meredith: He keeps talking, pretty soon I'm going to need some. Will: Can you find out about Kendra for me? Meredith: Are you two friends? Will: Not friends, exactly. But, uh, everybody likes her. You know, she's...she's just...she's nice. She'll cover your shift when you need it. She's good with the customers. She's real generous when it comes to tipping busboys. Meredith: Let me guess. You're a busboy? Will: I am. Plus, she's the only one that calls Brad on his crap. Meredith: Well, why don't you say something? Will: Yeah, I wish. I'm saving up to go back to school. I need the job. (Callie walks up) Callie: What are you, socializing? I've got five more patients for you to see and Will here needs to get to surgery. Move your ass. (Callie walks away and Will gives Meredith a look) Meredith: I need the job. (Denny's room) Izzie: I have some news for you. Denny: Am I getting a better television? Because this one is ridiculously small and it doesn't get the porny channels. Izzie: You're getting a heart, Denny. Denny: I don't mean to be dramatic and all...but I'm going to need you to repeat that. And you say it slow, because this is one of those moments in life that I'm going to want to remember in detail. Izzie: You...are getting a heart...from Mercy West. Dr. Burke already left to get it. Denny: I guess this means I'm going to have to start taking you on some real dates. Izzie: I guess so. (Patricia enters) Patricia: Here we are, Mr. Duquette. Izzie: What are there? Patricia: DNR papers. Izzie: Do not resuscitate? Patricia: I'll leave these here and come back. (Patricia leaves) Izzie: Why are you signing there? You're getting a heart. Denny: If this heart doesn't come through for some reason... Izzie: It will. Denny: The last one didn't. Izzie: You're on an LVAD. Ok? That could give you another two years right there. Denny: Izzie...if I don't get this heart...I'm done. I'm...I'm sorry...I'm tired. Izzie: No. No. I'm not going to let you make this decision. Not now. Denny: Well, that's funny because I thought DNR was a patient's choice. Listen to me. I believe in heaven, Izzie. And if I had to choose between this life here...and one in heaven...I choose heaven. Ok? Izzie: Ok. (ER) Cristina: Ok, the x-rays will tell us the location of the bullet. Deborah: Mine was a through and through, right? So there's no bullet. Cristina: Yeah, well we wanna make sure it didn't hit bone. Neal: However this turns out, I want you to operate on my fianc�e first. I don't care if I'm dying. Cristina: You're not dying. Deborah: I'm also not your fianc�e anymore. Neal: We already sent out the invitations. We're getting married six weeks from now. Deborah, please. I love you. Cristina: Oh, don't fall for it. Neal: Excuse me, but... Cristina: That's how they do it, huh? With the "I love you's" and the "move in with me's" and they suck you in and they melt your resolve. And the minute you actually need something, something you totally deserve, forget it, you know, it's not going to happen. Because they pass you over for surgery or they're gonna duck behind you when someone's shooting. Deborah: You're very, very bitter. Neal: That's exactly what I was thinking. See? We're meant to be together. Deborah: Shut up, Neal. Cristina: Mm-hmm. (Mercy West) (Burke and a doctor from Mercy West are walking through the hall talking) Doctor: Two brothers tried to pass a semi on a double yellow and came out on the losing end of a head-on. Both are a match for your guy. Alex: So we get our pick. Burke: It doesn't work like that. UNOS has already assigned who gets which donor. Alex: So who's retrieving the other heart? (They walk up to a woman, Erica Hahn.) Erica: Took you long enough, Preston. Why is Junior here? Your ego get too big for one man to carry? Burke: Dr. Hahn here graduated second in our class at Johns Hopkins, Dr. Karev. Ask her who graduated first. Erica: God. (Scrub room where Derek and Addison are talking about Kendra) Addison: Kendra's fetus is 12 weeks along. It seems healthy. Did you hear me, Derek? Derek: I heard you. Addison: So you're not gonna tell me what's going on between you and Meredith? Derek: I told you. There's nothing to tell. (George enters) George: Kendra's parents are here. Derek: Let them know the situation, have them sign the consent forms, then scrub in. George: Yes, Dr. Shepherd. Derek: Thank you. (Mercy West, OR) Burke: What the hell happened to my donor? Doctor: He went into v-fib. Burke: I can see that. Give me the paddles. Karev, take over compressions! You gave epi? Doctor: Three rounds and shocked him twice. Burke: I'm going to hit him again at 360. Clear! He's asystolic. Alex: I don't get it. I mean, if the guy's already dead... Burke: And now his heart has joined the rest of him. Alex: Hmm. So, we can't use it? Burke: No, Karev, we cannot use it. The muscle is dead. The heart is useless. (Burke runs out of the room) Alex: Dr. Burke? Burke: (Running through the hall) Move, move, move, move, move! (Entering Dr. Hahn's OR) Stop right there! Don't move that scalpel! Not even a single slice! Erica: Just because your donor's heart died doesn't mean I have to give you mine. Burke: Is your patient higher on the transplant list? Is he higher on the transplant list? Erica: I have no idea. Burke: Well, neither do I. Karev, get UNOS on the phone now. Erica: Oh, give me a break! (A doctor picks up a scalpel) Burke: Hey! Hey! Erica: What? Are you going to beat him up? Burke: If I have to. Erica: Ok, just hold on. It's pathetic, Preston. Really pathetic. (Callie is standing at the OR board when Meredith walks up) Meredith: I've finished all five of your patients. Do you mind if I scrub in? I've never seen an ORIF before. Callie: Can't! The board's all backed up like crazy. Will's gonna have to wait a few hours, because every specialty thinks their surgeries are more important than Ortho. Freaking superior macho jerks. Meredith: Can I ask you a question? About bone cancer. Callie: Yeah. Meredith: In a dog. Callie: A dog? Meredith: My dog. Well, Derek's dog. Do you know Dr. Shepherd? It's our dog. We share the dog, which is...well, never mind. I just wanted to ask if you knew the success rate of curing osteosarcoma in a canine leg? Callie: We have an actual human patient with a bullet lodged in his tibia who might walk with a limp for the rest of his life, who might even conceivably lose his leg, and you're asking me about your precious dog that you share with your precious McDreamy? Yeah, I...I know about him. And you think I care? Unbelievable! (Mercy West conference room) Erica: Your guys on an LVAD? He's probably up and walking around. My guy still needs his dobutamine drip. Burke: That's the best you can do? He can climb Mount Shasta on a dobutamine drip. Man on Phone: As of this morning, Dr. Hahn's patient was 22 hundredths of a point ahead. Burke: That's basically a tie. Man on Phone: Except that Dr. Hahn's patient was admitted into the transplant program before Mr. Duquette. Burke: How long before? Man on Phone: 17 seconds. Burke: 17 seconds. Erica: Might as well be 17 weeks. It doesn't matter. (Burke's cell phone rings) (Burke hands the phone to Alex who answers it) Alex: Hello? (Izzie is sitting in the lobby) Izzie: Alex? Where's Dr. Burke? Alex: What do you want? Izzie: I wanted to know how the heart recovery is going. Alex: He's working on it. Izzie: He's working on it? So, he's operating then? Alex: There were two donors, Izzie. Our guy's heart flatlined. And now he's trying to get the other guy's. Izzie: But there's a list. Alex: Yes. And the higher guy gets the heart. Izzie: Denny's getting sicker. Alex: What? Izzie: Denny's getting worse by the second. His, uh, sats are in the eighties. Alex: Izzie. Izzie: It's seventies. His sats are now in the seventies and dropping. Alex: Izzie, I'm not going to lie for you. Izzie: Then put Burke on the phone! (Meredith is sitting in a conference room and Addison enters) Addison: Hey. Meredith: Hey. Addison: Have you seen Dr. Karev? Meredith: Uh...hours ago. Addison: Ok. (Addison and Meredith smile at each other and Meredith goes back to her work. Addison does not leave.) Addison: Sorry. I, uh...I'm not sorry. I just...I'm having a little trouble because I need to ask you something. And I don't usually have trouble. But what I need to ask...I'm not even sure I want the answer to, but I have to ask. So I'm just going to ask you and then you answer and then...uh, I'll go from there, ok? Meredith: Ok. Addison: Are you sleeping with my husband? Meredith: Not since before I knew he was married. Addison: Ok. (She starts to leave but turns back) Except, you know, it just...it felt like in the vet's office this morning, and then again in the elevator...if felt a little like you two were having a lover's quarrel? Meredith: No. We're not. I've moved on. I'm dating Finn. Addison: You're dating the vet? (A look of realization comes over Addison's face) Addison: Ok. Meredith: Addison... Addison: No, no. Thanks. I'm...I'm good. Thanks. I'm great. (Burke is on the phone with Izzie.) Burke: Flash pulmonary edema? Is it the LVAD? Is the LVAD working? Izzie: Absolutely. Burke: Well, did you put him on a nitro drip? Izzie: Um, yes. Yes, of course. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mercy West Conference room) Erica: Preston, she could be putting paddles directly on his heart. He's still not getting this thing. Burke: How's his blood pressure? Izzie: It's, uh, still dropping. 82 over 40. Burke: Then take him off the drip and put him on dopamine. Now! Don't hang up. (To people in conference room) According to my intern, Denny Duquette now qualifies as a 1A candidate for that heart. That puts him ahead of Dr. Hahn's patient. Erica: I'm out of here. This is just crap. Man on Phone: Dr. Hahn? Erica: What? Man on Phone: If Dr. Burke wants to run labs, do an echo and a BNP to fully ascertain the status of his patient, we'll allow it. Erica: That'll take an hour. Man on Phone: Is the donor stable? Dr. Hahn? Is the donor stable? Erica: Yes, the donor is currently stable. Man on Phone: In that case. Dr. Burke, you've got an hour to get those tests. Burke (To his cell phone): Dr. Stevens? Izzie: I heard. Burke: Good. Get going then. (Kendra's OR) Doctor: BP is 220 over 130. Derek: The brain's fungating out of the wound. George: What's fungating? Derek: Herniating. Nurse: She's bradycardic. Derek: Um, give me 50 mannitol and 20 of furosemide. What's her pulse? Nurse: Down to 32. Derek: Come on, Kendra. Come one. CO2? Nurse: 40. Derek: Oh, God. Clot's already evacuated. All right, everybody. George: But... Derek: She's brain dead. There's nothing we can do now. (Derek and George are in the waiting room talking with Kendra's parents) Derek: There is no spontaneous brain activity and she isn't going to wake up. Mrs. Thomas: Oh, God. Mr. Thomas: What about the baby? Is the baby ok? Derek: As far as we can tell, the baby's fine but...that's not the point. Essentially your daughter is dead. We need your consent to remover her from life support. Mr. Thomas: What if we kept Kendra alive? Could the baby live? George: With all due respect, sir, you don't want to do that. Mr. Thomas: Are you part of this family? Do you have a daughter? If you don't, you really ought to just shut up! Mrs. Thomas: Our daughter could have this baby? (Nurse is stitching up Brad) Brad: You know, even with all these cuts, I don't feel any pain. I swear, I have the highest pain threshold of anybody I know. (Bailey walks up to Will who is watching Brad from afar) Will: God! If I could say something to that guy and not get fired... Bailey: He can't fire me. (Bailey walks over to Brad's bed) Bailey: Uh, Mr. Eckles? Brad? Uh, I'm happy for you that you're not feeling much pain from your very minor injuries. But there are a great many people in this hospital who are in a great amount of pain. See, they have bullets in their bones, in their chests, and in their brains. Bullets from a gun that was aiming for you. And although they can't say it because you are the boss of them, most of these people at this moment are praying...not that they'll live, not that the pain will subside, they're praying to God for you at this moment to shut the heck up! (Bailey walks away leaving Brad stunned. As she walks by Will he mouths thank you.) Bailey: No problem. (Cristina and Meredith are sitting on gurneys in a hallway, talking.) Cristina: Karev. He stood there and chose that moron over me. Meredith: I mean, I'm trying to help the dog and he's standing there talking about putting the dog down. Like Doc means nothing. Cristina: He's not rewarding Karev, he's punishing me. Meredith: And he hates Finn. Who, by the way, is great with dogs. Cristina: You know, he withholds surgery when I'm a bad girlfriend. It's his M.O. I mean, how controlling and macho and petulant is that? Meredith: At least he's not shooting people or putting down dogs. (Izzie walks up) Cristina: I'm dumping him. This relationship is so over. Izzie: Um, I...I told a lie...to Dr. Burke. Cristina: Good for you. Fight the power. Izzie: No, no. I need...um...God, I can't think. I...I can't...I don't know what to do. What do I do? There's this guy ahead of Denny of the transplant list. Meredith: He'll get the next heart, Iz. Izzie: No! He needs to get this heart! Cristina: He'll probably get a heart at some point, but as long as Denny's doing well on the LVAD and there's someone ahead of him on the transplant list, he's not going to get this heart. Ok? Izzie: (Looks like she had a revelation) Yes. You're right. Ok. Thank you. Thank you. (Izzie starts grabbing supplies) Cristina: (Whispering) Ok, if I was going to pick someone who was gonna go psycho and shoot up the place...it's Izzie. Meredith: Totally. (Izzie enters Denny's room with a crash cart and other supplies.) Denny: What's all that? Izzie: Heart stuff. Denny: What? So you're gonna put this heart in me in my room? I didn't know transplants were so informal. Izzie: There may not be a heart, Denny. Somebody at Mercy West might get it instead. Denny: So this isn't going to happen...again? Izzie: Not necessarily. I have been over this and over this and it can't be a lie and it can't be fake. We need charts, we need test results. We need UNOS to believe us. So it has to be real. Denny: What are you talking about, Izzie? Izzie: In order for you to get the heart, you would have to get worse. Much worse. And you would have to do it very quickly. Denny: Well, I don't see that happening. You see that happening? Izzie: I am going to make it happen. (Seattle Scenes) (Mercy West, Alex enters the OR where Burke is) Burke: It's been 30 minutes already. Is Stevens answering her page? Alex: She probably busy getting test results. Burke: Did you call Bailey? Alex: Well, she's not answering either. Erica: You can check the chart all you want. You're not getting this heart. Burke: Well, you may not want it. His angiogram shows 30% LAD. Erica: It's still not enough to give it to you. (Denny's room. Izzie is closing the blinds.) Denny: Izzie. Izzie, stop and listen to me. We're not doing this. Izzie: Don't worry. You're not going to die. I will be here the whole time to make sure of that and that's what this stuff is for. Denny: This isn't about me dying. All right? This is wrong. Izzie: You've waited a year and a half to get this thing. Who knows when the next one is gonna come along? Denny: I'll take my chances. Izzie: No! it may be too late by then. Denny: Then it's too late! All right? Now, get this stuff out of here! Izzie: Denny, please. You have to do this. Denny: No, Izzie. I'm not about to steal a heart from another man's chest. Not to mention, this will be the end of your medical career. Izzie: I don't care about my medical career. Denny: All right, you know what? This has gone on long enough. I'm gonna call a nurse. Izzie: Everyone who is entered into the transplant program is clocked in to the second. To the second. Denny, you were clocked in to the second and so was the other guy. I checked with UNOS. The difference between when you entered the program and when he entered the program is 17 seconds. That's it, Denny. Seventeen seconds. I mean, it's not even the length of a decent kiss. So this other guy? I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve this heart. I'm sure he does. But so do you. So do you! And if you tell me any more crap about heading towards the light or looking down on me from heaven, I swear I will kill you myself, right now. Denny: Izzie. I'm gonna be all right. All right? You don't have to worry. Izzie: What about me? What about me when you go to the light? Denny: Izzie... Izzie: (Hysterically) No! I get it, ok? I get it. You'll be ok. You'll be fine, but what about me? So don't do it for yourself. Do it for me! Please! Please, Denny! Please do this for me! Because if you die...Oh, God you have to do this. You have to do this for me or I'll never be able to forgive you! Denny: For dying? Izzie: No! For making me love you! Please! Please do this for me. Denny: Come here. Izzie: Ok? Please! Ok? I can't do this if you don't. Please do this for me! Because if you don't do this...Please! Denny: Ok. Ok, I'll do it. (Denny holds her in his arms) (Callie and George are walking through the hall) Callie: I'm in the middle of analyzing an X-ray and your friend Meredith starts asking me about her dog. Her dog. George, she wants a medical opinion about her dog. George: She likes her dog. Callie: Why are you defending Meredith? George: What? Callie: I get Izzie. I mean, I don't. But if you want to defend Izzie, that's fine. I don't get how you can defend Meredith. George: Hey! We're interns. We all started out together, Meredith, Izzie, Cristina and me. We started out together. Callie: George, that woman hurt you as badly as anyone can be hurt. You were devastated when I met you. George: Hey. They're family. Izzie and Meredith and Cristina they're...they're my family. I can hate Meredith and I can be angry at her but I'll always defend her. Callie: So you don't have to forgive Meredith but I do? George: If you want a chance to be part of the family, yeah. (Izzie is on the phone with Dr. Burke.) Izzie: Dr. Burke. Hello. Burke: Stevens. Where the hell have you been? Have you got the lab results? Izzie: Um...I'm working on that. Burke: Stevens, I need answers. Stevens? Izzie: You should get back here. With the heart. As soon as you can. Burke: What the hell are you...what are you talking about? Izzie: Preston. Burke: Izzie, what did you do? Izzie: Soon as I get confirmatory tests and labs to raise Denny's UNOS status, I will fax them over to you. Then you should waste no time getting back here. Because I don't know enough to know how long Denny will have once I start. Burke: Start? What did you do, Izzie? What did you do? Izzie: I'm going to hang up now. Just hurry. (Burke enters Dr. Hahn's OR) Burke: According to my intern, Denny Duquette is in pulmonary edema. He has been intubated and placed on multiple IV drips. Doctor: So, Preston gets the heart. Great, lets open this guy. Burke: However, given this unusual situation and out of respect to Dr. Hahn, I'd like to confirm those results. Alex: You just did. Burke: In person. I want to confirm them in person. Erica: Are you kidding? By the time you get there, it'll be another hour. What are you up to, Burke? Why don't you just talk to your chief? Confirm the results with him. Alex: Well, because of the shootings today...at the restaurant. All our attendings are still in surgery. Burke: Exactly. Now, if you'd prefer, or I can just call UNOS and have them give me the heart. Or I can go and make sure that it really belongs to me. Erica: Go. Burke: Thank you. (Burke and Alex start to leave) Burke: I'm going back to Seattle Grace. You stay here and protect my heart. If that woman so much as looks at a scalpel, tackle her. Do you understand? Alex: Yes, sir. (Derek and Addison are in a hallway) Derek: Hey, you got a minute? Addison: You ready to talk? Derek: Uh, my patient, Kendra Thomas. She's brain dead. Her parents want to keep her alive to have the baby. Addison: So, you want me to talk to the parents? Derek: Well, I tried already, but I figured, you know, you're neonatal, you might have a better shot at it than I do. Addison: Ok. Derek: It's just that you could give the a much more detailed picture... Addison: I said I'd do it. (Kendra's room) Addison: Mr. and Mrs. Thomas, Dr. Shepherd asked me to talk to you about your daughter and her pregnancy. Mr. Thomas: We've made up our mind. She's having the baby. Addison: I know Kendra meant the world to you and I know the terrible grief you must be going through right now, but from a medical standpoint, this is a very bad idea. Mr. Thomas: Well, if we'd wanted your opinion, miss, we'd ask for it. Mrs. Thomas: It's just...we love our daughter. Please try to understand. Addison: I do understand. I do. You think if you love her enough or love her baby enough that it will keep her close to you. But she's already gone and if you go forward with this, you're risking...I mean, if Kendra, were to contract an infection, she could pass it on to the fetus and it could cause brain damage... Mr. Thomas: We're taking our chances. Mrs. Thomas: Now...they keep organ donors alive after they're...gone. Why not Kendra? Addison: Organ donors aren't kept alive for six months. Your daughter is brain dead. She can't regulate body temperature, hormone output. These things are very important for a fetus. Mr. Thomas: You guys can regulate that stuff, right? Addison: We could try. I... Mr. Thomas: Well then try, damn it! What the hell's the problem here? Addison: The problem, as I see it, is you want to use your daughter's corpse as an incubator. That's the problem. Derek: Ok, I'm sorry. Would you excuse us? Addison: That's the problem. What? What? Derek what are you doing? Derek? Derek: They just lost their daughter. Addison: I know. That was my point, Derek. They need to face that. She's not coming back. Derek: A little sensitivity would be nice here, ok? They love their daughter. They don't want to let go. Addison: What they're doing is not about love, Derek. It's...it's...well, it's like you. Derek: Excuse me? Addison: Like how you pretend to love me, but really you're just using me to fill some need you have to be a good guy. Derek: Now is not the time to talk about this. We'll talk about this later. Addison: You walk away? That's all I get? Derek: Just calm down, please. Addison: What? What? You're not going to yell at me? Call me names? Or I don't know...ignore me in an elevator. Derek: What do you want from me, Addison? Addison: I want you to care! I sleep with your best friend and you walk away. He comes out here from New York and rubs it in your face, and still you get a good night's sleep. What do I have to do? Oh! I know. Maybe what I should do is go out on a date with the vet. Because that seems to something that sends you into a blind rage. Oh, but wait. That won't work either because I'm not Meredith Grey! (Derek nods his head towards the floor below. Addison looks and sees Meredith, Cristina, Chief Webber among others. They have witnessed the whole scene. Derek walks away.) (Kendra's room) George: I know this is a bad time, but have you decided, do you still want to go ahead with the baby? Mr. Thomas: We haven't decided on anything. George: Sir? You asked me before if I had a daughter. I don't. but I have a family. I...actually have a couple families. The thing about families, you don't necessarily like what they do. Their choices and their decisions. But you stick by them. Right now one of my friend, her boyfriend is dying. Heart failure. He's 36. I checked Kendra's driver's license, she's a donor. She's not a match for him, but she could save a dozen other lives. And from what I know about Kendra, what I've heard, I gotta believe that if she had the choice between where she is right now and saving a dozen other people, she'd save those people. That would be her decision. So the question is...whether you stick by her one last time. Excuse me. (Meredith enters an X-ray viewing room where Callie is.) Meredith: You paged? Callie: Yeah. There are, um, these are X-rays of a human with an osteosarcoma on his tibia. It's the closest I could get to mirroring what's actually happening to your dog. In this patient, the cancer was aggressive. And it spread quickly and he died when it finally metastasized on his lungs. Meredith: The human died? Callie: Yes. The human died. Meredith: Thank you, Callie. Callie: You're welcome, Meredith. (Deborah and Neal are kissing and getting ready to go home.) Deborah: You ok, baby? Neal: Yeah. (Cristina enters) Cristina: Well, you made up with him? Hmm. Deborah: I told him I'd give him one more chance. Neal: And I told her, she won't have to. What I went through today, what we went through today, it's changed me. This bullet will always remind me to do the right thing by my Deborah. Cristina: Here you go. Deborah: And whatever's going on with you and your boyfriend? Maybe you should just try and forgive him. It really feels so much better than all that anger. Cristina: Thanks. (Will's bed) Bailey: We haven't forgotten you, Will. We'll get you to the OR as soon as possible. (Brad is watching from nearby) Will: My friend, Kendra...Dr. Grey said that if anybody had any information they'd give me, they would let me know as soon as possible. Bailey: Ok, I'm sorry. (Brad walks up) Brad: I'm gonna get you some time off, man. I'm gonna talk to the owner, make sure they keep your job for you, you know. It's not your fault you got shot. Not my fault either. You know, I...I didn't...I didn't pull the trigger. Petey had the gun. I'm just saying. People blame management, but we do the best we can. I mean, I...I do the best I can. (Hallway) Addison: I know what you're going to say, Richard, but if you knew that day that I had... Richard: Everybody in this hospital has those days, Addison. And no one makes a scene in front of their peers. Get it together. Addison. Addison: I can't compete. He's not having an affair. He's not trying to hurt me. He's just...the only people who don't know Derek loves Meredith are Derek and Meredith. How do I compete with that? MVO: So what makes anger different from the six other deadly sins? (Derek and Meredith are in the elevator. He looks at Meredith then turns away. She looks at Derek then turns away. He starts to say something but changes his mind. They get off the elevator.) MVO: It's pretty simple really. You give in to a sin like envy or pride then you only hurt yourself. (George and Callie are in the locker room) Callie: I love you. (George just looks at her) I'm sorry. I'm...I...I didn't mean to...I just...I...I have verbal diarrhea and I'm a moron. What are you thinking? Are you freaking out or...? (Izzie enters) Izzie: George, I need your help. I wouldn't ask if it weren't important. It's... George: Ok. (To Callie) I'll call you? Later? Callie: Sure. (Meredith enters Finn's) Finn: Were we supposed to have dinner tonight? Meredith: Tell me the truth about Doc. Finn: What about him? Meredith: You've been downplaying how sick he is, haven't you? Finn: The best-case scenario, I would say Doc has maybe a year left. Meredith: Ok. Finn: And Doc is not the best-case scenario. Meredith: Ok. Finn: Meredith? Meredith: Oh, damn it. Finn: I am sorry. I'm so sorry. I know how much you love him. Meredith: I do. I love him so much. (George enters Denny's room) George: You need my help for an EKG? Izzie: No. Come. (To Denny) Ok, after I do this, I might have to shock you a few times. George: Do what? Izzie: You feeling good? Denny: I think so. Explain this to me again. Izzie: Ok, the LVAD has been inserted into your abdomen and is connected to your heart. This cord leads to the power source, this one is connected to the pump that pumps your heart for you. I have the crash cart, the defibrillator, the Ambu bag, saline... George: Do what, Izzie? Izzie: Um, I feel like we should say stuff. Denny, do you want to say stuff? Denny: Kiss me. Right here. (they kiss) Izzie, that kiss was worth 1,000 words. Izzie: A picture. A picture is worth a 1,000 words. Denny: You're gonna correct me at a time like this? George: I don't mean to be intrusive... Izzie: Just give me a second, George. Izzie: Ok, are you ready? Denny: As I'll ever be. (Izzie picks up the scissors) George: Wait. What are you doing? (Deborah and Neal are being released. Bailey is scrubbing her hands at a sink. Brad is leaving as well.) MVO: Try lust or coveting and you'll only hurt yourself, and probably one or two others. But anger...anger is the worst. (Gunshots are heard. Neal ducks behind Deborah) Deborah: Ok. We're done. Bailey: What was that? Were those gunshots? (Bailey runs to where the sound came from) MVO: The mother of all sins. (Will's bed) Will: Petey. (Denny's room) Izzie: Denny. If there really is some kind of big glowy light... Denny: I'll try like hell to stay out of it. Izzie: Exactly. George: I don't like that sound of this. Izzie: Just make sure nobody comes through that door. George: What are you doing? Izzie: I'm stopping his heart, George. MVO: Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does, you can take an awful lot of other people with you. (Bailey runs outside. Bailey checks Brad's pulse. He is dead.) (Denny's room) George: Izzie. (Bailey runs up to another gunshot victim. It is Dr. Burke) Bailey: Oh! Dr. Burke. I need some help! (Denny's room, Izzie and Denny are looking at each other) (Outside Bailey is trying to help Dr. Burke who is lying on the ground not moving) (Denny's room) Izzie: It's ok. Burke will be here any minute. (Izzie cuts the LVAD wire and there is the sound flatlining.)	Plan: A: three; Q: How many parts are there to the story arc? A: Gunshot victims; Q: What is the cause of the crowding at Seattle Grace? A: a nearby restaurant crowd; Q: Where did the gunshot victims come from? A: an engaged couple; Q: Who is Cristina arguing with over him ducking behind her during the shooting? A: Meredith; Q: Who asks Callie for advice on bone cancer in dogs? A: his leg; Q: What could Meredith's patient lose? A: Derek; Q: Who is mad at Meredith for dating Finn? A: 12-week; Q: How far along is the pregnant girl in Derek and George's story? A: Addison; Q: Who yells at Derek in the hallways? A: Burke; Q: Who is angry at Cristina? A: Alex; Q: Who does Burke choose to go with him to retrieve a heart for Denny? A: Denny; Q: Who does Izzie want to help? A: Izzie; Q: Who takes matters into her own hands when she finds out that Denny is not going to get a heart? A: her love; Q: What does Callie profess to George? A: SGH; Q: Where does Burke race to keep Izzie from doing something drastic? A: critical situations; Q: What do Burke and Denny wind up in? Summary: Part one of a three-part story arc. Gunshot victims from a nearby restaurant crowd Seattle Grace and the doctors are fully occupied. Cristina has an engaged couple who are arguing over him ducking behind her during the shooting, Meredith and Callie's patient could lose his leg, and Derek and George have a 12-week pregnant girl. Knowing that Derek is mad at Meredith for dating Finn, Addison yells at him in the hallways, not realizing everyone can hear. Meredith asks Callie for advice on bone cancer in dogs. Burke is still angry at Cristina and chooses Alex over her to go with him to retrieve a heart for Denny. When Izzie finds out that Denny is not about to get the heart, she takes the matter in her own hands. Callie professes her love to George, but before he can answer her, Izzie asks for his help with Denny, and he goes with her. As Burke races back to SGH to keep Izzie from doing something drastic, both Burke and Denny wind up in critical situations.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY COURTHOUSE (STOCK) - DAY] Jeffrey Sinclair: (V.O.) I need you to answer the same questions I asked you at the first trial. [INT. LAS VEGAS COUNTY COURTHOUSE - JUDGE WITHERSPOON'S COURTROOM - DAY] (Trial is in session. The attorney is cross-examining Grissom who is currently on the stand. The jury box is full.) Jeffrey Sinclair: And I need you to answer them honestly, just as you did back then. On December 20, 1999, you responded to a call at 2028 Boulder Highway. Is that correct? Grissom: Yes. Jeffrey Sinclair: Can you describe the crime scene? Grissom: It was a hardware store. I entered through the back door. (Quick flashback to: [HARDWARE STORE] Camera's from Grissom's POV as he enters the hardware store and sees the body on the floor.) Grissom: (V.O.) The victim had been severely beaten. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: And our forensics determined that the murder weapon was a wrench. (Jeffrey Sinclair picks up the evidence bag.) Jeffrey Sinclair: Exhibit A. Do you recognize this object? (He shows the evidence bag to Grissom.) Grissom: Yes. I bagged and processed this wrench. My initials are on the seal. Jeffrey Sinclair: Where did you find it? Grissom: It was in a toolbox under the kitchen sink at Garbett's Gourmet, which is a restaurant next to the crime scene. Jeffrey Sinclair: Now, are you certain that this wrench was used to kill the victim? Grissom: Yes. We found trace blood in the metal grooves. And the DNA matched the victim's. Jeffrey Sinclair: What, if anything, did you find on the handle? Grissom: We found the defendant, Mr. Garbett's, fingerprints. We also found his prints at the hardware store. (Quick flash of: [HARDWARE STORE] Max Larson is in the store when Jason Garbett walks in and attacks him. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Jeffrey Sinclair: What else did you find at the store? (Quick flashback to: [HARDWARE STORE] Jason Garbett tries to set a fire with some old crumpled newspaper. A book of matches is nearby.) Grissom: (V.O.) Well, it appeared that the killer tried to cover his tracks by setting a fire, ... (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: (V.O.) ... a lack of sufficient combustibles may have thwarted his effort. Jeffrey Sinclair: Dr. Grissom. Exhibit B. Do you recognize this? (The attorney gives Grissom the second bagged evidence. Grissom looks at it.) Grissom: Yes. It's a matchbook. (While looking at the matchbook, Grissom sees something he hadn't seen there before.) Jeffrey Sinclair: Did you find this matchbook at the scene? (Grissom doesn't answer the question.) (The evidence label on the bag reads: MATCHBOOK 002 2028 BOULDER HWY LV, NV GIL GRISSOM G.G. (On the inside of the matchbook cover is a red thumbprint.) Jeffrey Sinclair: Dr. Grissom, just so we can be clear, this is the matchbook that you found at the crime scene. Is that correct? Grissom: Your honor, may I take a short break? Jeffrey Sinclair: Um ... prosecution requests a ten-minute recess. Defense Attorney: The defense asks that Dr. Grissom answer the question now. Judge Witherspoon: Answer the question, then we'll break. Grissom: Yes, this is the matchbook I collected at the crime scene. Judge Witherspoon: All right, we'll take a ten-minute recess. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COURTHOUSE - CONFERENCE ROOM - RECESS - DAY] (Grissom is in a conference room looking through the reports.) Jeffrey Sinclair: So, you wanna tell me what this is all about? Grissom, the defendant was found guilty at his first trial. The only reason we're back in court is because his new lawyer convinced some appellate judge the original jury instructions were faulty. This has nothing to do with the evidence. (Grissom picks up the matchbook and sighs as he looks at it.) Grissom: There's a fingerprint on this matchbook. Jeffrey Sinclair: So? Grissom: I don't remember it. It's not in my notes. Jeffrey Sinclair: The evidence seal isn't broken. If the print's there now, it was there before. (Grissom compares the print on the matchbook with the defendant's print card.) Grissom: The defendant's fingerprints are all loop patterns. This is an arch. It's not a match. This is not the defendant's print. Jeffrey Sinclair: Are you sure? (Grissom takes his glasses off and puts the matchbook down on the table.) Jeffrey Sinclair: You know, when the defense hears about this, they are going to call every other piece of evidence into question. I don't need to tell you what that means. Grissom: I've given them reasonable doubt. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Grissom is returning back to work when Conrad Ecklie catches up with him.) Conrad Ecklie: Heard we have a problem. Grissom: The Middle East has a problem. Conrad Ecklie: You missed a fingerprint on a key piece of evidence. Grissom: I'm trying to keep an open mind. Conrad Ecklie: Then how do you explain it? Grissom: At the moment, I can't. Conrad Ecklie: Could someone have substituted a different matchbook? Grissom: Well, the evidence seal wasn't broken. The matchbook's appearance is consistent with the crime scene photos. Conrad Ecklie: Since your original testimony differs from the actual physical evidence, I thought I'd inform you I've opened a supervisory inquiry. Grissom: Well, that's good, Conrad. You know, I can't recall a lab director as expeditious as you. (Suddenly, a gunshot sounds along with glass shattering.) Voice: (b.g.) Man! What happened! VOICE: (b.g.) Who's that? [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Bobby removes his earphones. He stares at the broken glass when Grissom and Ecklie rush into the lab.) Grissom: You okay, Bobby? Bobby Dawson: Been better. Conrad Ecklie: What the hell happened? Bobby Dawson: I was about to test-fire the mac-10 when it accidentally discharged. Don't know how it happened. Should've been more careful. Conrad Ecklie: Whose, uh, whose case you working? Bobby Dawson: Uh ... (He glances nervously at Grissom.) Sara Sidle and Greg Sanders. Gun was found next to a dead body at an off-strip parking lot. Conrad Ecklie: All right. Make sure you file a report. Bobby Dawson: Yes, sir. Conrad Ecklie: (to everyone) Everybody back to work. (to Grissom) Just keep me posted. (Ecklie turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Grissom meets with Catherine, Warrick and Nick to discuss the Max Lawson case.) Catherine: I remember this case. The Garbetts owned a restaurant that was next door to the victim's hardware store. Max Larson owned the private alleyway that was behind both places. (Quick flashback to: [ALLEYWAY] Jason Garbett walks out and pulls the garbage bin off to the side.) Grissom: (V.O.) That's right. He blocked the alleyway with a dumpster. Jason Garbett: (under his breath) Jerk. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Nick: Yeah, the guy was a jerk. Catherine: Well, he claimed the restaurant's delivery trucks were clogging the alley. Warrick: Didn't the Garbetts sue to have the dumpster removed? Grissom: They lost. There was no easement in their title. Catherine: And without access for deliveries, the restaurant business just dried up. Grissom: All the physical evidence pointed to Garbett. And according to the victim's business partner, Garbett had an argument with the victim the day before the murder. Warrick: Garbett's appeal didn't call the forensics into question. Why are we here? Grissom: I'm calling the forensics into question. (He holds up the matchbook.) I printed this matchbook. There was no print. Take a look at it now. (He hands the matchbook to Catherine.) Catherine: Well, the fingerprint's pink -- so you used ninhydrin? Grissom: Mm-hmm. (Quick flashback to: [PAST] Grissom sprays the matchbook. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Well, I know that on some surfaces, ninhydrin can take time to develop a print. It was in, uh, last May's "Journal of Forensic Sciences". Grissom: I remember the article. But I can't remember whether the variables in the test case are consistent with ours. Nick: Well, if the print matches the suspect, who cares? Grissom: It doesn't match. So, you and Warrick take over the file -- make sure all of the other evidence is beyond reproach. Catherine, you supervise. To avoid any appearance of impropriety, I'm going to be hands off. (Grissom leaves the office.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Grissom is in his office going through old magazines. There's a soft knock at his door.) Grissom: Sofia. (Sofia walks into the office. She sees the "Journal of Forensic Science" magazines scattered on Grissom's desk.) Sofia Curtis: You do know that the "Journal's" back issues are available on-line. The lab has a password. Grissom: When you read from a computer screen, you have to lean in. I like to lean back. Therefore, I prefer a hard copy. (She glances down on the desk and picks up a "Journal".) Sofia Curtis: Is this what you're looking for? (She hands it to Grissom. He looks at it. VOLUME 48 NUMBER 3 MAY 2003 Grissom: May. Yes. Thank you. News travels so fast around here. Sofia Curtis: Ecklie travels fast. Grissom: Hmm. Sofia Curtis: Look, in case you're not up-to-date on your QA/QC memos, I've been the lab's Quality Control Officer for the past year. Grissom: Congratulations. That job requires a detail-oriented person. Sofia Curtis: Grissom, I've been assigned to your inquiry. I just wanted to give you the heads-up. I'll be impartial. Grissom: I'd expect nothing less. (Sofia turns and heads for the door.) Grissom: "Margaritaville"? (She stops and looks at Grissom.) Grissom: That is still the lab's password, right? (She smiles and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Catherine, Warrick and Nick go over the case files.) Catherine: Warrick, in your field report, you documented the collection of several hairs near the body, but DNA never analyzed them. Warrick: Well, the DA had sufficient evidence and filed charges before I could give the hair to Greg, so I moved on to another case. Catherine: Process the hairs now. Warrick: Yeah. Nick: Catherine, do you remember why you were late to this crime scene? Eddie had a gig and you couldn't find a baby-sitter. Catherine: Actually, I kind of made that up. Eddie did have a gig. It ended early and he and I ... well, let's just say that not all my memories of him are bad ones. (to Warrick) Which reminds me you, at the time, were going out with that Assistant Manager of the Flamingo-- Warrick: Oh, Susan. Catherine: Boy, did she have it bad for you. She kept calling while we were working the scene. You had to shut your phone off. Warrick: Yeah, well, now she's VP of Food Services, so I get free steak and eggs every Sunday morning. Nick: Free steak and eggs means she didn't know about the flight attendant. Warrick: Does everyone know my business around here? Catherine: Okay, Nicky, since you have such a good memory, why don't you explain the unidentified prints that you lifted from the murder weapon. Nick: I lifted six prints off the wrench. I ran them through I-AFIS. Five were a match to the suspect. One was unidentified. Now, at the time, we all agreed that that print was irrelevant, because the wrench was found in the common area. Catherine: Okay, well, we're going to have to compare that unidentified print with this matchbook print. Nick: Will do. Hey, Catherine ... we didn't do anything wrong here. Catherine: I agree. But the prosecution may not see it that way. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC PATHOLOGY - DAY] (Sara and Greg are walking into the room.) Sara: (o.s.) Well, the doc should be able to clear this up. Robbins: Hey, how's Bobby doing? Sara: Shaken, but working hard. Trying to figure out why the gun discharged. Robbins: Well, fortunately, Bobby dodged his bullet -- unlike our victim. (Sara glances down at the victim's arm and notices the "RITA" tattoo. Robbins and David go over the body with Sara and Greg.) Robbins: C.O.D's a single gunshot wound to the leg. (Robbins points to the bullet hole.) David Phillips: And it severed the femoral artery. Greg: We processed the guy's jeans. Tight GSR pattern around the entrance hole. Sara: So, he was either shot by someone at close range who left the gun behind, or it was self-inflicted. David Phillips: Why would the shooter leave the gun behind? Sara: He probably wouldn't. Robbins: And most suicides are through the torso or through the head. Sara: So if it wasn't intentional ... Greg: It was accidental. Robbins: Greg ... insert this rod into the hole. (Robbins hands Greg a colored rod. Greg inserts it into the bullet hole.) (Quick CGI POV of: The rod is inserted clear through the flesh and comes out the back of the leg. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Robbins: Trajectory is up to down. Sara: Consistent with a self-inflicted, accidental injury. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] The victim shoots himself in the leg and falls to the ground in pain. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Sara: Have you been able to I.D. Him? Robbins: No wallet. Prints didn't hit. No relatives came forward. So, I'm calling him John Doe Number 124. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (Nick scans the fingerprint from the matchbook into the computer as Catherine watches.) (He scans the fingerprint from the wrench into the computer. He compares the two.) Nick: A perfect match. Catherine: Someone other than the suspect touched the matches and the wrench. Nick: The wrench was found in a toolbox in the suspect's restaurant. The murder happened after closing. Catherine: Who else had access to that restaurant? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - WAITING ROOM -- DAY] (Nick meets with Mrs. Katz.) Nick: Mrs. Garbett. Mrs. Katz: It's, uh, Mrs. Katz now. I remarried. (They shake hands.) Nick: Oh, okay-- Mrs. Katz. Duly noted. (She sits down.) Please, have a seat. I appreciate you coming down here and meeting with me. Mrs. Katz: Look, my ex-husband called me from jail. I know about the new trial. But this case has nothing to do with me. Not anymore. He got a life sentence. The crime lab testified. Nick: You think he's guilty? (She sighs.) Mrs. Katz: Jason was a quiet man. Bottled everything up. In twenty-five years of marriage, he raised his voice ... maybe ... a dozen times. But when he expressed himself ... the neighborhood knew. (The door opens and Keith Garbett walks inside.) Keith Garbett: Mom, I got your voice mail. Mrs. Katz: Keith. Keith Garbett: What's going on? Mrs. Katz: Uh, Mr. Stokes is with the crime lab. Keith Garbett: Hi. Look, we'll help in any way we can. (Keith sits down.) Nick: What I'd really like to do is get a list of anyone who had access to that restaurant five years ago. Keith Garbett: Sure. May I ask why? Nick: Recent evidence has come to light ... Keith Garbett: What evidence? Nick: Oh, now that I can't discuss. Keith Garbett: My father's innocent. Mrs. Katz: My son has never stopped believing in his father. He has sacrificed everything for Jason: Moved back to Vegas, hired a new attorney, poured all his money into the appeal. Nick: So you weren't living in town at the time of the murder? Keith Garbett: No, I was living in L.A. Nick: Oh, okay. Keith Garbett: Look ... whatever you need from us ... (he looks at his mother) ... mom ... ? Mrs. Katz: Um ... I have some old records back at the house. I could send them over. Nick: Yeah, that'd be great. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Close-up of the file box on the table.) SUSPECT: GARBETT, JASON VICTIM: LARSON, MAX DATE AND TIME OF RECOVERY 12-20-99 RECOVERED BY GIL. GRISSOM DESCRIPTION AND/OR LOCATION: 2028 BOULDER HIGHWAY SEALED BY ??? DATE 12/99 (Sofia opens the box cover. She starts putting things into the box. In the hallway in the background, we see Warrick walking up to the DNA lab door. He pauses, turns and sees Sofia working in the lab.) (He opens the door and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY] (Warrick walks into the lab where Mia has the tape on. Avril Lavigne is singing "Don't Tell Me".) Warrick: You're listening to music. (She reaches up and turns it down.) Mia Dickerson: It was Greg's suggestion. Warrick: No, it's good. Well, maybe not your music taste, but we'll work on that. You have my DNA profile for the hair sample I gave you? Mia Dickerson: No. Warrick: No? Do you need more time? Mia Dickerson: No ... the sample you sent me wasn't human ... so I sent it over to trace. Maybe Hodges can tell you something. Warrick: All right. Thank you. (Warrick heads for the door. He stops and turns around.) And Mia, Avril's fine, but if you really want to experience musical heartache, you should check out, uh ... Nina Simone. (He leaves. Mia turns the music up again.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Grissom is conducting his own experiment with a group of matchbooks. He presses his print on the matchbooks and pins them up on the line. He sprays them and closes the fume hood.) (The door opens. Attorney Jeffrey Sinclair and Conrad Ecklie walk into the lab just as Grissom is writing his notes on the clipboard.) Jeffrey Sinclair: Grissom, Judge Witherspoon wants me in her chambers first thing in the morning. Conrad Ecklie: She's going to demand a full update, Gil. Grissom: I can't explain the appearance of the print on the matchbook. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Conrad Ecklie: You're making the lab look bad. Jeffrey Sinclair: Word has it you've reopened the entire case. An unexamined hair and an unidentified print on the murder weapon? Grissom, did we make a mistake and arrest the wrong guy? Grissom: I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY] (Grissom closes his car door when Brass catches up with him.) Brass: Hey. We gotta talk. Ecklie's used his hot line to the Sheriff. The whole department knows about the inquiry. Grissom: There's nothing I can do about that. Brass: Yeah, well, I want to give you a heads-up, 'cause here's how it's gonna break down: In order to appear objective, Ecklie's gonna follow Sofia's recommendations. The problem is, she's Acting Supervisor of days, so she needs Ecklie to sign off to keep her gig. And you think she'll say whatever Ecklie wants. Yeah. And this isn't just about the Garbett case. He's looking into your whole team. And your ability to lead them. Grissom: Poor Conrad. Brass: I hate to tell you, but when it comes to politics, he whips your ass. So watch your back; it's gonna get ugly. Grissom: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY] (Hodges goes over the hair findings with Warrick.) Hodges: The hair on the right is a human hair. The hair on the left is from your five-year-old crime scene. Given the big fat medulla, I'd say canine, and given its coarseness ... I'd say it could be a poodle or a Portuguese water dog. Warrick: What?! A Portuguese water dog. Hodges: Mm-hmm. They were found on fishing vessels in the 1800s. Warrick: Are you serious (Catherine walks into the lab.) Catherine: Warrick, I thought you were following it up with DNA. Warrick: I am. The hairs got kicked to trace. Hodges: Yeah, they're from a dog. Very obvious under the microscope. Warrick: I will find out if the victim or suspect owned a dog. I'm on it. Catherine: Thanks. (Warrick leaves the lab.) Hodges: Ecklie was so pissed when I told him about these hairs. Catherine: You told Ecklie? Hodges: Yeah. He's a friend. I sent him a card for his promotion. The guy was very touched by my thoughtfulness. Catherine: Oh, we all are. Hodges: (smiles) Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB - DAY] (Sara and Bobby Dawson discuss the gun.) Sara: Are you finished with the gun? Bobby Dawson: Yeah, I figured out what caused that A.D. Some garage gunsmith tried to turn this baby into a machine gun. Sara: That is a big-time felony. Bobby Dawson: Not to mention dangerous. Here, take a look. See, the trip has been ground down, which prevents the bolt from locking back. (Quick flash to: [NIGHT] The gun lever is pulled back, the trip fails and the gun fires.) (Quick CGI POV of: The bullet exits the barrel and enters the leg. End of CGI POV. Resume to flashback.) (The shooter falls backward to the ground.) (Extreme close-up of the artery bleeding out. Sounds of a heart beating loudly are heard. White flash to present.) Sara: Vic never even pulled the trigger. Did you get an I.D. off the serial number? Bobby Dawson: It's also ground down. Nearly halfway through the metal. Sara: Well, I love a challenge. Bobby Dawson: Well, it's all yours. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Nick reports to Catherine.) Nick: The Garbetts' restaurant employed six waiters, two cooks, and a busboy. Catherine: All of whom would've had access to the kitchen and to the wrench. Nick: Right: Garbett's ex-wife's, three of the waiters' and both cooks' prints were in I-AFIS because of work cards, but none was a match to the mystery print. Catherine: And what about the other four? Nick: I ran their socials to get their addresses. I'll grab a uniform, go bang on some doors. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. FRONT PORCH 1 - DAY] (Nick knocks on a door. A woman answers the door.) Nick: Hi. I'm Nick Stokes. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRONT PORCH 2 - DAY] (A man answers the door.) Nick: Good day, sir. My name's Nick Stokes. I'm with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. [EXT. FRONT PORCH 1 - DAY] (Nick talks with the woman.) Nick: I'm reinvestigating Max Larson's homicide. [EXT. FRONT WALK 3 - DAY] (Nick talks with Man 2.) Nick: I was hoping to get your, uh, your fingerprints if I could. It would help eliminate you as a suspect. (Nick is fingerprinting Woman 2.) Nick: Thank you, ma'am. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STORE - DAY] (Warrick interviews Max Larson's ex-partner, Rich Reeba.) Rich Reeba: Max didn't like dogs. We don't allow them in the store. Warrick: How about you, Mr. Reeba. Do you down a dog? Rich Reeba: No. Mr. Brown, what's this about? Warrick: I'm sorry, I'm not at liberty to discuss ongoing cases. Rich Reeba: Look, I have a right to know. Max was my business partner. Warrick: Well, all I can tell you is that the defendant was granted a new trial. Rich Reeba: Based on a friggin' technicality. I talked to the D.A. myself. Warrick: The crime lab is reviewing the case file now. Rich Reeba: Garbett killed Max. I was right here when he tried to shake us down. (Quick flashback to: [HARDWARE STORE] Jason Garbett storms into the hardware store to talk with Max Larson.) Jason Garbett: If you don't move that dumpster, I swear, I'm gonna kill you! Max Larson: Judge says I'm in the right. You can go to hell. Jason Garbett: You're gonna regret this. Max Larson: So tell me: How many customers did you have tonight? Hey, Rick ... what's a number less than one? Jason Garbett: This isn't over. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Rich Reeba: I guess he could've handled it better. But Garbett's delivery trucks -- they were always blocking access to our parking lot. We complained -- he refused to do anything about it, so we exercised our legal rights. A judge rules in our favor. Two days later, Max is murdered. Can you imagine killing over an incident like this? Warrick: I've seen people kill for a lot less, sir. Mr. Reeba, you and your partner were joint owners of this property, right? Rich Reeba: Yes. Warrick: With right of survivorship. Rich Reeba: Correct. Warrick: And when he died, you got it all, isn't that right? Rich Reeba: What are you getting at? Warrick: Nothing. It's just a question. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Catherine is fiddling with a machine when Nick walks into the lab. She adjusts the item in the machine and checks the view on the monitor.) Catherine: Hi. Nick: Hi. Video spectral analysis. Catherine: I want to see if I can bring out the image on the matchbook. Nick: We didn't have this equipment five years ago. Catherine: That's why I'm doing it now. How was the door-to-door? Nick: Good exercise. Everyone volunteered their prints but ... no match. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Warrick is walking through the hallway when Conrad Ecklie catches up with him.) Conrad Ecklie: Warrick, just the guy I wanted to see. Warrick: Ecklie, you know I'm real busy... Conrad Ecklie: Ah, it won't take long. My office. (Ecklie leaves. Warrick follows.) [INT. CSI - ECKLIE'S OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Warrick steps into the office.) Conrad Ecklie: Uh ... I'll cut to the chase. Did Supervisor Grissom instruct you to analyze the hairs you found near Max Larson's body? Warrick: It was my job to bring the hairs to DNA. Conrad Ecklie: Did you? Warrick: Yes. Conrad Ecklie: Five years ago. Warrick: No, yesterday. Look, if there was a problem ... Conrad Ecklie: Have a seat. (Warrick sits down.) Conrad Ecklie: In my capacity as Assistant Director, I'm now privy to personnel files. Um ... you've done outstanding work over the years, Warrick. Truly. I see commendations from detectives and D.A.'s ... I also see you have a gambling problem. Warrick: I had a gambling problem. What's your point? Conrad Ecklie: Well, it appears Supervisor Grissom counseled you appropriately. Warrick: That's correct. So ... Conrad Ecklie: He gave you access to departmental resources to help you deal with the problem? Warrick: No ... he helped me, uh ... by being a friend. Conrad Ecklie: Good. You've been a big help. Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- DAY] (Catherine walks through the lab and sees Sofia going through the old case files.) Catherine: Hey. (Catherine opens the refrigerator and puts her drink inside. She shuts the door and walks over to Sofia where the lightly looks at the file folders stacked on the table.) Sofia Curtis: This is, uh, confidential. I don't have an office, so ... Catherine: The inquiry into Grissom. Sofia Curtis: Just reviewing all documentation. Case identifiers, analysts' initials ... Catherine: Your responsibility is to confirm that all conclusions drawn are supported by the data. They are. Sofia Curtis: Excuse me? Catherine: I worked on this case. The conclusions, they are supported. I assume that's what you're finding? Sofia Curtis: Catherine ... I appreciate your interest, but I think it's prudent to reserve my findings for the Assistant Director. Catherine: Right. (Catherine turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Grissom walks into the lab.) Grissom: Neil, you got a minute? Neil Jansen: I don't think I have any work pending for you. Grissom: I need your expertise. Neil Jansen: Matchbook print. Everybody's talking about it. Grissom: Well, good. Scientific discoveries arise through discourse. Now ... ninhydrin works by reacting to one end of a protein chain to form ruhemann's purple ... Neil Jansen: Which makes fingerprints visible. Grissom: Protein chains are made up of a series of amino acids, sometimes a hundred units long. But only one end of the chain has the h-n-H ... Neil Jansen: The n-terminus. (Quick flash of: the end of the protein chain. Resume to present.) Neil Jansen: It's the only part of the protein molecule that interacts with ninhydrin. Grissom: But fingerprints are subjected to bacterial degradation, which causes the proteins to break down into smaller amino acids. Neil Jansen: Upping the number of n-termini. Grissom: And making the fingerprint more visible. But because new fingerprints are sometimes composed of fully intact proteins, you could spray ninhydrin, and not see a result for months, yes? Neil Jansen: Or in rare cases, years -- depending on the rate of degradation. Grissom: My matchbook print was inside a plastic evidence bag. That could affect the rate. Neil Jansen: Let's see ... plastic ... plastic traps in heat and humidity. (Quick flash to: Extreme close-up of the protein chain and various reactions.) Neil Jansen: (V.O.) Bacteria would continue to break down over time. (End of flash. Resume to present.) Grissom: So theoretically, the bag was acting as a humidifying chamber. Neil Jansen: I'd say you were processing a print in slow motion. Grissom: Thank you, Neil. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Sara and Greg are in the lab. They each have on a pair of goggles.) Greg: I'm confused. Do we think the dead guy bought a defective gun, or was he selling a gun he'd already modified? Sara: Maybe he modified it for his own use. Greg: Well, if that was the case, then why would he need to file down the serial numbers? Sara: Good point. Okay, so you take the polishing compound, and you rub it on the obliterated serial number. (Sara rubs the compound on the serial number with a swab.) Sara: And then you hit the spot with the wheel until it's mirror smooth. (She turns on a sanding machine and rubs the compound down. When she's done, she turns the machine off.) Sara: Fry's reagent. It differentially eats away at the compressed area. (She adds the liquid to the serial number and dabs at it with the swab.) Greg: To expose the denser metal of the serial number. Sara: Take a look. Greg: And pop goes the serial number! Sara: Run it through NCIC and local pawn shops. See if we can get an address. Greg: All right. (Greg turns to leave the lab. On his way out, he meets Conrad Ecklie walking in.) Greg: Excuse me. Conrad Ecklie: Excuse me. (Ecklie walks up to Sara.) Sara. You got a minute? Sara: I guess. Conrad Ecklie: Flitz's compound. I'm sure you're not polishing your jewelry in the lab. That would be unauthorized. Sara: What can I do for you? Conrad Ecklie: Ah. As you know, it's my job to review everyone's file. I just want to make sure you finished up with your PEAP Counselor. Sara: That's none of your business, Ecklie. Conrad Ecklie: Well, not only is it my business, but I plan to speak with your supervisor. Sara: About what? Conrad Ecklie: You have updated him, right? Sara: Yeah, yeah, we've had an abbreviated conversation. I'm doing fine. Completed my required number of sessions months ago. Conrad Ecklie: Huh. Grissom failed to note that conversation in your file. Um ... but I'll take care of it. All right. (Ecklie turns and leaves.) Sara: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Catherine and Nick continue to process the matchbook cover.) Nick: Expose the matchbook to white, and that covers the spectrum. Catherine: I'll bring out the illuminants and contrast. Nick: Rotate it 180. Catherine: (reads) "Club PCH." Nick: "Los Angeles." Catherine: Is that probative? Nick: Maybe. Defendant's son lived in L.A. (Catherine turns and looks at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GARBETT RESIDENCE (HOUSE #10716)- FRONT DRIVE - DAY] (Brass and Nick walk up the driveway to the front door.) Brass: So did a background check on Keith Garbett. He has no record. Moved to California two years before the murder. He opened a veterinary practice in Encino. Nick: He was a Veterinarian? Brass: Didn't I just say that? Nick: We found some dog hairs at the crime scene. Out of context, it didn't really mean anything. Brass: Well, now it does. (Brass knocks on the front door. Keith Garbett opens the door.) Keith Garbett: Mr. Stokes. Nick: Keith. Keith Garbett: Well, tell me you've got some good news. Dad's lawyer says the case could get tossed. Brass: I'm Detective Jim Brass, Las Vegas police. We'd like to ask you a couple questions. Keith Garbett: Sure. Brass: You ever been to Club PCH? Keith Garbett: I did some clubbing in my twenties. What does this have to do with the investigation? Nick: Keith, what we'd really like to go ahead and do is get a set of your fingerprints, if we could. Okay? Keith Garbett: Why? You know, I'm sorry, but I don't exactly trust you guys. You destroyed my family. You let my dad rot in jail for five years, and now you're coming after me? No way. Forget it. (Keith backs up and slams the door closed.) Brass: I thought that went well. (Brass and Nick walk back down the driveway to the two trash bins on the sidewalk.) Nick: There's more than one way to get his prints. Trash on the curb -- public property, right? Brass: Don't need a warrant. (Nick opens the trash bin and lifts the garbage bag up. Brass shrugs at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - ECKLIE'S OFFICE - DAY] (Ecklie meets with Catherine.) Conrad Ecklie: This conversation is on the record. Part of the official inquiry into the Max Larson case. Catherine: Understood. Conrad Ecklie: Five years ago, were you part of a team that processed a homicide at 2028 Boulevard Highway? Catherine: You know I was. Conrad Ecklie: Specifically what tasks did Supervisor Grissom assign to you? Catherine: Gil doesn't micro-manage. We know what needs to be done. I photo-documented the scene, I collected blood evidence, and I brought the charred newspaper to trace. Conrad Ecklie: In the analysis phase, did Grissom review your reports with you? Catherine: Are you asking if he performed a supervisory review? Conrad Ecklie: It's policy. Catherine: He must have. I'm sure he did. (Ecklie smiles at her. He doesn't believe her.) Catherine: Are you doing all this for the sake of the lab or to indict Grissom? Conrad Ecklie: Catherine, there a number of talented CSIs, like yourself, who have put in to be supervisors. I just want to make sure the right people are in the right place. Catherine: About my request -- I really would like to supervise days. Conrad Ecklie: Right. You're a single mother. Better hours. And I bet you could use the extra cash. Catherine: No, this promotion isn't about money. Conrad Ecklie: Must be nice to be independently wealthy. Catherine: We're done here, right? (Catherine stands up and leaves.) Conrad Ecklie: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Nick cuts a portion of the garbage bag off and puts it in the machine when Catherine walks in.) Catherine: Vacuum metal deposition. Nick: Sometimes the evidence isn't in the bag ... it's on it. (Quick flash to: The garbage bag is being fumed and a print is found. End of flash. Resume to present.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Catherine sits at the computer and pulls up the unidentified print for case # (Nick walks in with Keith's print off the garbage bag. Catherine flips the scanner lid up.) Nick: Thank you. (They scan the print into the computer and run a comparison.) Catherine: Comparing unknown matchbook print to garbage bag print. Nick: Game, set. Catherine: Match. (Quick flashback to: [HARDWARE STORE] Ketih Garbett walks into the store with the wrench in his hand.) Max Larson: We're closed. Hey, did you hear me? I said we're closed. (He walks around the counter and sees Keith Garbett walking swiftly up to him.) Max Larson: Hey... help! (Keith swings and hits Max Larson in the head. He falls to the floor and he swings again.) (When it's over, he lights a match to a piece of crumpled newspaper.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Nick and Catherine interview Keith Garbett. His lawyer is with him.) Keith Garbett: It wasn't my restaurant. It wasn't my problem. Nick: You lied to us. Said you were living in L.A. at the time of the murder. Catherine: while your parents were in court, suing to have that dumpster removed, you were running the restaurant. In fact, you signed the vendor checks that week. Nick: They were in a box of records your mother sent over. You saw the business was going under. Their marriage was in trouble. And while the judge ruled against them, you snapped. Lawyer: The evidence is circumstantial at best. Catherine: You can play it that way. It's fine with us. You and your father can both stand trial. I mean, after all he was the one who had motive. He threatened Larson. His prints were on the wrench. Lawyer: You think the D.A. is going to try two people for the same crime? Nick: Oh, yes, ma'am. At minimum, they're looking at conspiracy. Catherine: As far as we know, they could've been in it together. It's easier to overpower a guy when it's two against one. Nick: Yeah, but I don't think it went down that way. After your father was convicted, you gave up on your veterinary practice. Moved back to Vegas -- spent every last dime you had on his defense. Now, that tells me you had a guilty conscience. Keith Garbett: It should tell you that I love my father. Nick: Your father spent the last five years in prison, man. If you love him so much, why don't you tell the truth? Set him free. Keith Garbett: My father had nothing to do with it. Lawyer: Keith ... I never thought that they would convict an innocent man. So ... I kept quiet. Nick: To protect yourself. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Grissom and Conrad Ecklie both watch the interview.) Conrad Ecklie: We'll convene in my office at end of your shift. Grissom: Regarding what? This case is over. Conrad Ecklie: Don't be late. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TURLOCK RESIDENCE - FRONT - EVENING/NIGHT] (Det. Vartann is waiting out front as Sara and Greg drive up.) Det. Vartann: Hey. Sara: Hey. Det. Vartann: What's going on? Dispatch said to meet you here. (Sara gets out of the car.) Sara: Well, three days ago we found a John Doe who was shot to death in an abandoned parking lot off strip. Uh, there was a mac-10 near the body. Gun is registered to a Paul Turlock, who happens to be the owner of the house. (Greg joins them and they head for the house.) Det. Vartann: Oh, so you want to see if Paul Turlock and John Doe are one and the same. Sara: Yeah. Det. Vartann: Okay. (They reach the front door and see the newspaper on the ground.) Det. Vartann: Odds are looking pretty good so far. (Det. Vartann takes out his gun and flashlight. Sara knocks on the door and it creaks open. He leans in toward the door as Sara takes out her weapon and gets behind Vartan.) Det. Vartann: Police! Anybody here? (He lifts up his weapon and pushes the door open.) [INT. TURLOCK RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING - CONTINUOUS] (Det. Vartann and Sara enter the residence with their guns raised. After a while, it's apparent that no one's there. Sara puts her gun down. Vartann puts his gun away.) (Greg walks in and they all look around the house.) (Greg sees a box and looks inside.) (On the coffee table on an old newspaper, Vartann finds a photo of two men drinking beer.) Det. Vartann: Sara. (She walks over.) Det. Vartann: Any of these look like your guy? Sara: Guy on the end with the "Rita" tattoo. Det. Vartann: Think Rita's his mom or his girlfriend? Sara: If it's not crossed out, it's definitely his mom. (Vartann nods.) Greg: Mac in the box. Five of them. Serials obliterated. (They both turn and head over toward Greg.) Sara: Files and grinding stone. Det. Vartann: It's all the tools needed to convert a semi into an auto and then cover your tracks. Greg: Each modified weapon's a separate count. Each filed-off serial number's a separate count. This guy was looking at ten felonies. Sara: Actually, he already got the death penalty. (Vartann walks over and checks the answering machine.) Man's Voice: (answering machine) Hey, Paulie, we, uh, liked what we saw. The deal's a go. Five large for five units. I'll call you back to arrange a time. (The answering machine beeps.) Man's Voice: (answering machine) Paulie. 9:00 P.M. Monday. (The machine clicks off. Vartann turns and looks at Sara and Greg.) Greg: That's tonight. Det. Vartann: "We liked what we saw"? That tells me that Paulie's already met with the buyers-- probably to show them the prototype of the mac-10. Sara: Maybe they met at the parking lot where we found the body. (Vartann looks at his watch.) Det. Vartann: You know, most likely they'd hook up at the same location to complete the sale. Greg: Buyers don't know he's dead. Sara: Lucky for us. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO LAB -- NIGHT] (We follow behind Conrad Ecklie as he walks down the hallway. He peers in through the window and sees Nick working. He opens the door.) Conrad Ecklie: Hell of a job on the Larson case, Nick. If it weren't for you, the son would've walked. Nick: (shrugs) It was a team effort. Conrad Ecklie: Team effort? Just like the Westanson case, right? Last year, that woman who burned to ashes in a barrel of diesel fuel. Nick: Yeah. Yeah, I'm familiar with the case, Conrad. Conrad Ecklie: I reviewed Grissom's report. It seems to me that you were a ... one-man CSI machine. (He chuckles.) Grissom rejected Fay Minden's testimony, but not you. Nick: (corrects) No, Grissom allowed me to pursue a new lead, under his supervision. Conrad Ecklie: Did he offer you any other CSIs as support staff? (Nick catches on to what Ecklie's doing.) D-don't worry about it. I respect your independence. (Nick's not impressed.) Anyway, good work. (Ecklie leaves the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PARKING LOT -- NIGHT] (A car drives into the parking lot and circles around. The engine stops and a man steps out of the car. He looks around and zips up his jacket.) (Sirens wail as police cars circle and pull up into the parking lot. Vartann exits his car, his gun pointed at the buyer.) Det. Vartann: Keep your hands up. No sudden moves. (Sara and Greg exit the car.) ATF Agent: ATF. I'm an agent. Det. Vartann: Just keep your hands where I can see 'em, and you won't get hurt. (Another non-descript car pulls up. An ATF agent gets out of the car and holds out his badge.) John Calder (ATF): Special Agent John Calder, ATF. He's an undercover agent. Sara: I don't believe this. Det. Vartann: You're involved in a buy bust for some firearms? John Calder (ATF): You boys burned us bad. We were gonna make an arrest tonight. Sara: Suspect's name is Paul Turlock? John Calder: Yeah. Sara: Mr. Turlock A.D.'d a mac into his femoral artery. You guys are four days too late. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - ECKLIE'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (Ecklie meets with Grissom and Sofia Curtis.) Conrad Ecklie: If I understand you correctly, the latent fingerprint on the matchbook ... continued to process itself after you were finished. Grissom: Theoretically, yes. Conrad Ecklie: As I know you are aware, I've asked Sofia to review your handling of the Max Larson homicide. (to Sofia) Did Supervisor Grissom violate any procedures in mishandling the evidence? (She looks at Grissom.) Sofia Curtis: I don't believe he mishandled anything. He followed laboratory protocol, and when he saw that the evidence didn't correspond to his records, he notified the D.A. and recused himself from case review. Conrad Ecklie: Are you saying that, uh, his handling of the discovery of new evidence while on the stand is within our protocols? Sofia Curtis: (carefully) As it applies to this case, yes. Conrad Ecklie: In the, uh ... in the process of investigating this case, your ability to supervise has come into question. Grissom: Isn't that a little beyond the scope of this inquiry? Sofia Curtis: Again, we have no evidence that Grissom violated any protocols or proce ... Conrad Ecklie: (interrupts) Thank you for your input. Grissom: (tired) Okay, Conrad, what do you got? Let's hear it. Conrad Ecklie: Well, taken individually, there's nothing specific that warrants disciplinary action. However, my investigation has led me to question the effectiveness of your team and your ability to lead it. I'm breaking you guys up. Grissom: Excuse me? Conrad Ecklie: I've already spoken with the Director. Staff assignments are under my purview. Effective immediately, Catherine Willows will be promoted to Swing Shift Supervisor ... Grissom: Wait a minute, Catherine applied for days. Conrad Ecklie: I do what's best for the lab. I've decided to move the Swing Shift Supervisor to days ... Sofia Curtis: I've been the Acting Supervisor of days for the past month -- I believe I've proven myself capable. Conrad Ecklie: (ignores her) Warrick Brown and Nick Stokes will report to Catherine. Greg Sanders, pending his proficiency, Sara Sidle and Sofia will report to you. Sofia Curtis: (stunned) You're demoting me. Conrad Ecklie: I think you and Grissom suit each other. (Sofia stares at Ecklie in disbelief and shakes her head.) Grissom: (quietly) Why are you doing this? Conrad Ecklie: There's been a chronic lack of supervision on the graveyard shift. Your people have been covering for you, Gil. For your shortcomings. Before your mismanagement jeopardizes this lab, I'm rectifying the situation. (Grissom shakes his head and scoffs.) Conrad Ecklie: My decision is final. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. DINER -- DAY] (Nick and Warrick meet with Grissom.) Nick: He kind of talked to all of us. Warrick: It was more like he ambushed all of us. Real sorry, Grissom. Grissom: There's no reason to be. Look, Ecklie doesn't have a scientific bone in his body. He starts with the answers he wants and then devises the questions to get them. Warrick: This sucks. This guy has been kissing ass all his life, he's trying to tell me -- he's trying to tell us what makes a good supervisor. What makes a good team? Grissom: Well, if a team gets used to doing things a certain way just because that's the way they've always done them, then they start to lose their effectiveness. Nick: Oh, come on. You don't really believe that. Grissom: No. I believe that the longer a team works together, the stronger they become. But I'm not in charge of the lab, nor would I want to be. (The waitress puts the bill on the table. Nick picks up the bill and looks at it.) Nick: I got this -- that's the kind of cash I'm bringing down right now. (Nick leaves the booth.) Warrick: I always knew there'd come a time when we weren't, uh, working together anymore. I just didn't think it'd be under these circumstances. (Warrick's phone rings. He answers it.) Warrick: (to phone) Brown. Okay. All right. No, I'll tell Nick. We'll see you there. Uh, congrats, by the way. (He hangs up.) (to Grissom) All right. My new supervisor. Grissom: Catherine? Warrick: Yeah. Grissom: (nods) Good. Warrick: Well, I got to get some rest. Swing shift starts at four in the afternoon. That's a big change. Grissom: Heracleitus once said, "It is in changing that we find purpose." Warrick: Well, thanks to you, this job, I already know my purpose. See ya. (Warrick gets up and leaves the booth.) (Grissom sits at the table alone.) FADE TO BLACK	Plan: A: the case; Q: What does Ecklie doubt Grissom's handling of? A: the real culprit; Q: What must Grissom find when an unknown fingerprint appears on a piece of evidence in court? A: an inquiry; Q: What does Ecklie open on Grissom? A: questions; Q: What does Ecklie ask each of the CSIs about Grissom's effectiveness as supervisor? A: the circumstances; Q: What do Sara and Greg investigate surrounding the death of a man who shot himself in the leg? A: the team; Q: What does Ecklie decide to split up? A: Swing Shift Supervisor; Q: What role does Catherine get after the investigation? A: Days; Q: What position did Catherine apply for? A: Nick; Q: Who is the other CSI assigned to Catherine? A: Grissom's team; Q: What team consists of Sofia Curtis, Greg and Sara? Summary: When an unknown fingerprint suddenly appears on a piece of evidence in court, Grissom must re-open the case and find the real culprit. However, this unexplained phenomenon causes Ecklie to doubt Grissom's handling of the case. Ecklie then opens an inquiry on Grissom, and questions each of the CSIs about his effectiveness as supervisor. Meanwhile, Sara and Greg investigate the circumstances surrounding the death of a man who shot himself in the leg. After the investigation, Ecklie decides to split up the team. He gives Catherine the role of Swing Shift Supervisor despite Catherine applying for Days and assigns Warrick and Nick to her while Grissom's team consists of Sofia Curtis , Greg and Sara.
THE TWIN DILEMMA BY: ANTHONY STEVEN Part Two Running time: 25:09 [SCENE_BREAK] PERI: We didn't do it. The Doctor rescued you. Please, put down the gun. Please put it down. LT HUGO LANG: No. He deserves to... (He collapses.) DOCTOR: He was going to kill me, Peri. PERI: Yes, he was. Poor guy. DOCTOR: Peri! PERI: He didn't know what he was doing. I mean, think what he must have had to suffer to act like that. DOCTOR: Quite beside the point, for all you seem to care, I could be lying dead at your feet this very moment. PERI: But you're not. You're safe. The point is, can you save him? DOCTOR: Easily. But I'm not going to. PERI You must! DOCTOR: You never cease to amaze me. All you're asking me to do is revive a man who had every intention of murdering me. PERI: We can't let him die. DOCTOR: If it's a question of his life or mine, I certainly can. PERI: Lieutenant Hugo Lang, interplanetary pursuit ace squadron. DOCTOR: Oh, a sort of policeman. PERI: Which hardly makes him a homicidal maniac. Here. Disarm the gun, I'll hide the power pack. He can't do much harm then. DOCTOR: I wouldn't like to count on it. Oh all right, have it your own way. Fetch the medical kit. (Back to Azmael.) AZMAEL: Well? DRAK: We found the remains of two bodies. The others must have been destroyed with their ships. AZMAEL: Mm. What about our own ship? DRAK: No sign of damage. AZMAEL: All the same, you'd better go out and check it. I don't want to be stuck here with a malfunctioning ship. DRAK: At once. We can't use the transmat, the radiation level is too high. AZMAEL: It's only the side effect of the energy beam that Mestor used to destroy the fighters. It'll clear soon. NOMA: If we go out again, we risk radiation sickness. AZMAEL: Use the service ducts. They'll provide protection for most of the way through the ship. (They leave.) AZMAEL: Is that the best speed you can manage? ROMULUS: Is this the best speed we can manage? REMUS: As it happens, yes. AZMAEL Not good enough. ROMULUS: How do you expect anyone to work like this? REMUS: Our arms are practically dropping off. ROMULUS: My fingers are so sore I can hardly hold the pen. AZMAEL: Look, don't expect any sympathy from me. You brought this on yourselves. If you hadn't rigged that stupid distress beacon when we came here, I would have let you use electronic equipment. As it is I can't trust you. Now get on with your work. TWINS: No. AZMAEL: Pick them up. TWINS: No. AZMAEL: I warn you. REMUS: Warn away. ROMULUS: You can't force us to work. AZMAEL: I can if I have to. (They sit again.) REMUS: Why don't you tell us what this is all about? ROMULUS: If we knew, then we might cooperate. AZMAEL: It's too soon to tell you everything. Have you heard of a planet called Jaconda? REMUS: No. What happens there? AZMAEL: It's new master... it's new master is a creature of infinite ambition. He requires the gifts of your genius to further that ambition. I cannot say more. MESTOR: But I can. Professor Edgeworth is a merciful being. He believes in the sanctity of life. I do not. Fail to obey him once more, and I will have your minds removed from your bodies, and use them as I wish. Have you understood? I see that you have. AZMAEL: Pick up your pens. (In the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Ah. Post operative shock occluded, wounds closed, no internal hemorrhage. This deep healing beam's a small marvel. Great improvement on the old laser scalpel. Did you hide the power pack for his gun well? (In the wardrobe room.) DOCTOR: Excellent. Oh, the satisfaction, Peri. Knowing how to save the life of a brave young man. PERI: Or anyone, come to that. DOCTOR: Hm? PERI: Is he gonna be all right? DOCTOR: Are you questioning my skill? PERI: No, not your skill, Doctor. DOCTOR: In that case, the short answer is yes. His heartbeat's slow but steady as a drum. An hour's rest and he'll be right as rain, whatever that means. Ah. An hour. An hour to kill. How to turn it to account? We must make plans, Peri. My full powers are returning. PERI: Plans? Do you think that wise? DOCTOR: My perceptions sharpening. I can sense some massive danger threatening the universe. PERI: I thought you were the danger to the universe. DOCTOR: Me? PERI: That's what you said. That's why we came here, so that you could meditate. DOCTOR: Words spoken in the sickness of transition. Now. There is a sickness in the air, I can feel the vibrations. I cannot yet detect their source, but it is there. I am never wrong. the life force itself is in danger of extinction. We must find this evil and destroy it. PERI: How? DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, that is the problem. It's odd Peri. The indications are very strong. I think the clue we need is here on Titan Three. That's it, of course, the children! PERI: Children? DOCTOR: He said something about children. PERI: So he did. DOCTOR: Now, an interplanetary space corps on a mission, his spacecraft crashes, he talks about children. Abducted children, that's it, Peri. Children of great importance, kidnapped by aliens, brought here to Titan Three, held for a kings ransom. PERI: That's absurd. DOCTOR It's nothing of the kind. PERI: You said yourself there wasn't any life here. DOCTOR: There wasn't. But we're here, he's here. Things change, Peri. (She turns on the scanner.) PERI: You think so? DOCTOR: Hm. What's that? PERI: What? DOCTOR: That. PERI: What? DOCTOR: That! PERI: A bump. DOCTOR: A bump? A bump, a bump? That is something which has no business on an uninhabited asteroid. Look at that symmetry. That's no part of nature's handiwork. PERI: Is it far? DOCTOR: Quite a distance. Let's get going. PERI: Have you noticed the radiation level? DOCTOR: What's a little radiation when we have a purpose, a mission in life? PERI: Silly me. What's a little radiation sickness between friends. DOCTOR: Brave heart, Tegan. Tegan? PERI: I'm Peri. DOCTOR: Yes, of course. PERI: Look, Doctor, um, even if you are right about the radiation level, even if there are abducted children, you're talking about aliens. I mean, we can't even defend ourselves. DOCTOR: Don't worry, Peri. I won't be putting your life at any risk, or mine either for that matter. This is just a simple reconnaisance. PERI: But Lieutenant Lang? DOCTOR: Who? Oh! Oh, the patient. Don't worry, he'll still be here when we get back. Come on, Peri. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. (He opens the door, they leave. Azmael checks work.) AZMAEL: I'm about to transmit. ROMULUS: Do you know what you are doing? AZMAEL: Yes. REMUS: If you transform all those equations into terms of power, you'll have enough energy there to generate a small sun. AZMAEL: I know, but this is passive power for transportation. Now you've done extremely well, go and rest. (Outdoors again.) DOCTOR: The shades of night were falling fast, as through an Alpine village passed a youth who bore 'mid snow and ice, a banner with the strange device...Excelsior! PERI: Oh Doctor, stop it! DOCTOR: I was only trying to cheer you up. One of your primitive American versemakers. Longfellow, wasn't it? PERI: Who cares. You're making enough noise to raise the dead. I'm so tired. DOCTOR: Courage, Peri! Just follow in my footsteps. Apprez vous the deluge. DOCTOR: Right, of course. Hello. Perhaps a way to enter the dome undetected. PERI: Are you sure? DOCTOR: Would you rather I walked around and knocked on the front door? I'm a knight errant, not an errant fool. (Back to the boys room, euww.) REMUS: It's something to do with these circles. That's how he must have done it. ROMULUS: What? REMUS: Taken our memories away. ROMULUS: Hm, I spose so. REMUS: I'm scared, Romulus. ROMULUS: That awful creature. I've never been so frightened in my life. REMUS: Same here. But it's everything else that's wrong. This place. What they're forcing us to do, and whatever it is they aim to do with it when we're finished. I feel... well, I don't feel grown up anymore. ROMULUS: There's nothing we can do, Remus. Just carry on. We daren't stop now. AZMAEL: Transmission completed. Any problems? MESTOR: None. You have done well. AZMAEL: Thank you. (In the service ducts.) PERI: This is madness, you have no idea where we're going. DOCTOR: To our destiny. PERI: Well, can't we rest? Our destiny can wait a moment. DOCTOR: Peri, quickly! Now what did I tell you, listen. PERI: Machinery? Let's get out of here. DOCTOR: The perpetual cry of all cowards. We must investigate! PERI: But do you think that wise? There could be enormous danger, even worse. DOCTOR: Worse? Yes. Yes, well, perhaps you're right. The purpose of reconnaisance is after all is to gather information, not to finish up face down in a pool of one's own blood. Especially blood as noble as mine. We've found out what we want to know. PERI: There's one thing, though. DOCTOR What? PERI: The children Lieutenant Lang mentioned. DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, of course. But children are such survivors! Besides, we have only the word of a delirious man that there are any children. PERI: Well if you didn't believe him what are we doing here? DOCTOR: An unthinking act of foolish bravado, you know my current state of mind. PERI: Don't you think we should just look, just in case? DOCTOR: No, Peri. Discretion is always the better part of valour. We should return to the TARDIS and rethink the situation. PERI: If that's what you want... D-Doctor? DOCTOR: What is it now? Aliens? Oh no! No no no don't shoot, it's not my fault, I'm just a poor pilgrim, it's all her fault! Mercy, mercy mercy don't shoot me! Don't shoot me! MESTOR: The loss of five ships was sufficient. They've called off the search. You will return at once. AZMAEL: Very well. I must revitalize. (He does some stuff and enters a triangle and turns into the visible man.) DOCTOR: Look, I'm sure we can sort this out. DRAK: Move. DOCTOR: None of this is my fault, I'm an innocent party, it's all her fault. She's forever leading me off the straight and narrow. PERI: Oh thanks a lot, Doc. DOCTOR: Kindly refrain from addressing me as Doc, Perpugilliam. (They enter the room.) DOCTOR: Some of this technology looks familiar. PERI: Why don't you just keep your big mouth shut? DOCTOR: Oh my sincere apologies, a momentary lapse. I am now in total control. Leave everything to me. AZMAEL: Who are these? DRAK: Survivors. AZMAEL: But you said there were none. DRAK: I can't explain it. DOCTOR: But I can. We are in no sense survivors. We came to Titan Three of our own free will. AZMAEL: Who in their right minds come to Titan Three of their own free will? DOCTOR: Pilgrims in search of peace. NOMA: They were spying. DOCTOR: Silence, wretch! NOMA: I will not be silent. Look at them, unmarked, unhurt. They're not survivors from the wreck. They're spies, put them to death. AZMAEL: Hold your tongue, Noma. You say you're pilgrims? DOCTOR: Yes, and pilgrims need a place in which to meditate. We were searching for a cave when we happened to stumble into your service duct. AZMAEL: And your companion? DOCTOR: My disciple. AZMAEL: A pretty one. DOCTOR: A most devout young person. Now sir, whoever you are, I demand an explanation for this disgraceful treatment. Now there's a face that floats upon my memory. Impossible. I'm hallucinating! As I live and breathe, Azmael you old dog! What in the name of wonder are you doing here? Peri, it's my old friend and mentor the master of Jaconda! AZMAEL: I am nothing of the kind, I never saw you in my life. DOCTOR: Forgive me old friend, of course you don't recognize me. I've regenerated twice since our last meeting. The twin hearts that beat as one? I'm a Time Lord, just as you are. In case you still pretend not to know who I am, let me remind you. The last time I stayed, that last night? When you drank like twenty giants and I had to put you in the fountain to sober you up? AZMAEL: I must concede, you have to be the Doctor! DOCTOR: Thank heaven. For a minute you almost had me worried there. You don't seem overjoyed. AZMAEL: There's nothing to rejoice about. I wish I could extend the hand of friendship. DOCTOR: Why don't you? AZMAEL: Well, the old times are gone forever. PERI: Oh, Doctor, look! DOCTOR: Earthlings. Children. By heaven, Peri, I was right! (Back in the TARDIS with Hugo. He wakes up and looks around.) LT HUGO LANG: My ship... my ship... oh no. No. Where have they hidden it? (Back to Doctor's gang.) DOCTOR: I see. You abduct these children, deprive them of their memories, bring them to this screaming wilderness and won't disclose your motives? That hardly sounds in character. AZMAEL: We are wasting time. DOCTOR: What's time to us? You're in trouble, Azmael. Grave trouble. AZMAEL: There is a point beyond trouble, you can't help me now. DOCTOR: Don't be absurd, you and I together? What an infallible combination. (Noma sets the destruct.) AZMAEL: Let this at least be clear, Doctor. I am no longer master of Jaconda but I can still save my people. I will do so whatever the cost, even the price of friendship. You were always full of good intentions Doctor, I cannot risk your interfering now. DOCTOR: What does that mean? AZMAEL: You must stay here. DOCTOR: As prisoners? (The TARDIS wardrobe, then back to the ship.) AZMAEL: The lock on the main door has ten million million combinations. Now will you please move over there? You too. Into the transmat area. Don't try to follow us. Once we've gone, the transmat will become random. Try to use it and your remains will be spread across the surface of this miserable rock. If it's of any comfort, Doctor, I too remember that evening by the fountain. Farewell. (They leave.) DOCTOR: Poor fellow. He's not a bit like that really. PERI: I don't care what he's like. He's left us here forever. DOCTOR: No Peri. Few days at most. PERI: Did you hear what he said? Ten million million combinations! DOCTOR: That's what I mean. It may take even me a few days. Well, no time like the present, let's get started. (Lang puts on something ugly and finds his power pack. What a coincidence.) (Peri finds the bomb.) PERI: Doctor? Doctor? Doctor quickly. DOCTOR: It's vital you don't interrupt the sequence. PERI: It's vital you see this, I don't like the look of it one bit. DOCTOR: All right, I'm coming. PERI Oh! DOCTOR: Hm? Oh no. Come... He wouldn't have... We haven't got a few days, or even a few hours. In fact we haven't got that many minutes. PERI: It's a self destruct mechanism, isn't it? DOCTOR: That I can't switch off. PERI Are we'sa gonna die? DOCTOR: Not yet. It means we've got to find another way out of here and very quickly indeed. (In the TARDIS) LT HUGO LANG: Now, how do I get out of here? (Back to Doctor) DOCTOR: Eureka! I can do it, Peri! I can do it! (To Azmael's ship) AZMAEL: Everything in order? NOMA: Everything in order. AZMAEL: Stand by for takeoff. NOMA: Standing by. (Their ship takes off.) DOCTOR: That should do the trick. PERI: What trick? DOCTOR: I'll be brief, I must be very brief. That is known as a revitalizing modulator. It breaks down your molecular structure and puts it back together again, a most refreshing process. Until now that's the only purpose it served. I have improvised. It will take you back in time. PERI: What? DOCTOR: Ten seconds to be precise. You'll find yourself in the TARDIS. PERI: Are you sure? DOCTOR: Absolutely, in you go. No, wait a minute, awkward. I won't be able to see the computer clock when it's my turn and I need to be able to compensate for the time factor so I arrive back at the TARDIS at the same time as you do. Your watch, Peri, lend me your watch,. Come on, quickly. When I stand clear, press the internal button. Do hurry Peri, in precisely one minute I'm going to be blown to pieces. (It activates.) DOCTOR: It worked. It actually worked. Oh no, it's stopped. (He pushes buttons and gets in, and rubs his pussy.) PERI: Doctor? LT HUGO LANG: Who are you? (The dome blows up real good.) PERI: Doctor where are you? (Snort snort.) PERI: No. Oh no. Oh no Doctor.	Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who is taken prisoner by one of the Professors guards? A: Perry; Q: Who is with the Doctor when he arrives at Titan 3? A: Remus; Q: Who is the other prisoner? A: Jaconda; Q: What is Azmael the Master of? Summary: The Doctor and Perry arrive at the facility on Titan 3 where Romulus and Remus are being held. The Doctor is taken prisoner by one of the Professors guards. When the Doctor is brought to the professor he recognizes him as Azmael the Master of Jaconda.
Scene: The university cafeteria Raj: Mmm, gentlemen, I put it to you, the worst tapioca pudding is better than the best pudding of any other flavour. Sheldon: First off, that is axiomatically wrong, because the best pudding is chocolate. Secondly, the organic structure of tapioca makes it a jiggling bowl of potential death. It is extracted from the plant... Howard: Hey, I'm thinking of growing a mustache. Leonard: Ah, no kidding! A Fu Man Chu? A handlebar pencil? Sheldon: It is extracted from the plant... Howard: I'm not sure yet. You know, George Clooney has one now! Raj: Really? I once saw him shopping at Ralph's. He was buying tequila. Howard: Oh, you'd think a guy like that would have some kind of booze lackey. Leonard: Alright this is cruel, we better let him finish before his head explodes. Howard: Alright Sheldon, why is tapioca... Sheldon: Tapioca is extracted from the root of the plant Manihot Esculenta. Due to a high concentration of cyanide it is poisonous in its raw form and lethal if prepared improperly. Raj: Feel better now? Sheldon: It is also indigenous to Brazil, as is the Cocoa Bean, from which we get chocolate, the best pudding. And you promised you wouldn't do that anymore! Kripke (arriving): Hey Hofstadter! Leonard: Hey Kripke. Kripke: Heard about your watest pwoton decay expewiment, twenty thousand data wuns and no statistically significant wesults. Vewy impwessive! Howard: What a jerk. Raj: Don't feel bad Leonard, negative results are still results. Howard: Even twenty thousand of 'em. Leonard: Alright, please don't cheer me up anymore. Howard: C'mon, don't let him get to you. It's Kripke. Raj: Yeah, he's a ginormous knob. Howard: That's why he eats by himself, instead of sitting here at the cool table. Raj: Fo' shizzle. Sheldon: Hey it's true, Kripke lacks the basic social skills that we take for granted, but he also controls the new open science grid computer that I need to use to run some simulations of structure formation in the early universe. Leonard: Good luck getting time on it. The only people he lets use it are his friends. Sheldon: Well then, the solution is simple. I shall befriend him. Kripke! Kripke: Yeah? Sheldon: What'd you say of the idea of you and I becoming friends? Kripke: I would say, I have no intewest in becoming your fwiend. Sheldon: Really? That seems rather short sighted, coming from someone who is generally considered altogether unlikable. Why don't you take some time to reconsider? Kripke: Yeah, I'll do that. Sheldon: Well I think we're off to a terrific start. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: There you go. Now any e-mail from Wolowitz will go right into your spam folder. Penny: Thanks! I mean the e-mail doesn't bother me as much as the vacation pictures of him in a bathing suit. Leonard: Yeah, I got the same one. And that's not a bathing suit, it's a tan line. Sheldon (on phone): Hello. This is Sheldon Cooper. I'm leaving a message for Barry Kripke. Barry, It was pleasant seeing you today in the cafeteria. I saw that you purchased the chef's salad. pparently, you did not know that the chef's salad is kitchen trickery, to utilize scrap meat. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed it. I'm following up on our pending friendship, and I look forward to hearing from you regarding its status. Sheldon Cooper. Penny: What's up with Ichabod? Leonard: Oh he's trying to make a new friend. Penny: Oh really? Well, good for him. Leonard: Well, unless he's makes one out of wood like Gepetto, I don't think it's gonna happen. Penny: Well, how did you guys become friends? Leonard: There was a flier on the bulletin board at the university. Roommate wanted. Whistlers need not apply. Penny: And you moved in anyway? Leonard: I assumed he was joking. You'd be surprised how many particle physicists have a whimsical side. Penny: Well, what about Howard and Raj, I mean how did you become friends with them? Leonard: I don't know, how do carbon atoms form a benzene ring? Proximity and valence electrons. Penny: Well yeah, sure. When you put it that way. But it all worked out, right? Leonard: I suppose. I do miss whistling though. Penny: Oh come on, really? (Leonard whistles) Sheldon: First warning. Scene: Outside Penny's door. Sheldon (Knock, knock, knock) : Penny (knock, knock, knock) Penny (knock, knock, knock) Penny. This is for you. Penny: Hello Sheldon. Sheldon: Hi. Penny: What is this? Sheldon: It's a questionnaire I devised. I'm having some difficulty bonding with a colleague at work, so I'm doing a little research to better understand why my current friends like me. Penny: Yes. Well, that is a good question. But is this really the best way to figure it out? Sheldon: Yeah, I agree, the social sciences are largely hokum. But, short of putting electrodes in your brain and monitoring your response to my companionship, this is the best I can do. Penny: Okay, question 1. Rank the following aspects of Sheldon Cooper in order of appeal. Intelligence. Ruthless attention to hygiene. Playfulness. Java applet writing? Sheldon: I know, I may have started off with a fairly obvious one. You did an aspect of my most appealing trait, playfulness. Why don't you just go ahead and write that number 1. I'm afraid you're on your own for the rest. It should take you no more than 3 hours. Penny: Wait! How many questions are on this thing? Sheldon: Only 211. Don't worry, in deference to you, I've kept them on a high school graduate reading level. Penny: Thanks pal. Sheldon: You got it, buddy. Penny: Sheldon honey, did you ever consider making friends by being, I don't know, pleasant? Sheldon: Well that's certainly a thought-provoking hypothesis. May I suggest it as the topic for your essay. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is reading one of the questionnaires. He tuts. Sheldon: Your questionnaire, very disappointing. Leonard: I answered every question Sheldon. Sheldon: You answered the multiple choice questions in a pattern. A B B A C. A B B A C. Leonard: Aw, you picked up on that huh? Sheldon: How could I not? Leonard: Come on! There's over 200 questions. And look at some of these things. Sheldon is to camaraderie, as the space shuttle is to blank? Sheldon: There are a number of acceptable answers, for example, C: near earth transport, but certainly not B: avocado rancher. And your essay, suggesting that I'd have better luck making friends if I wait 'til the Cylons take over? Please. Leonard: Hold on. I put some real work into that! Sheldon: Yes, well it's better than what Wolowitz did. He drew a raccoon with what appears to be, a distended scrotum. Leonard: It's kinda cute, until you get to the scrotum. Sheldon: What hope do I have for establishing new relationships given that my current friends apparently cannot take a few hours out of their lives to help me? Leonard: Sheldon, I'm not going to defend a big bald raccoon. Sheldon: I don't see how you could. Leonard: What I'm trying to say is that, maybe you can't approach this as a purely intellectual exercise. Sheldon: What do you mean!? Leonard: Well, remember when you tried to learn how to swim using the internet? Sheldon: I did learn how to swim. Leonard: On the floor. Sheldon: The skills are transferrable. I just have no interest in going in the water. Leonard: Then why learn how to swim? Sheldon: The ice caps are melting Leonard. In the future, swimming isn't going to be optional. But you do bring up an interesting point. I don't have to break new ground here, I'm sure much of the research already exists. Leonard: No! no, my point is, if you want to learn how to make friends, then just go out to a coffee shop or a museum. Meet people. Talk to them. Take an interest in their lives. Sheldon: That's insane on the face of it. Come on. Leonard: Where are we going? Sheldon: You're driving me to the mall. I'm going to acquire a book that summarizes the current theories in the field of friendmaking. Leonard: Why don't you just lie down on the floor and swim there? Scene: A bookshop. Sheldon: Coping with the death of a loved one. My condolences. Woman in queue: Thank you. Sheldon: Family or friend? Woman: Family. Sheldon: Too bad. If it'd been a friend, I'm available to fill the void. (Woman moves away) It's just as well, she smelled like moth balls. Leonard: Okay, if you're gonna start sniffing people, I'm gonna go get a hot pretzel. Sheldon: Excuse me. Do you have any books about making friends? Bookstore employee: Um, yeah but they're all for little kids. Sheldon: I assume the skills can be extrapolated and transferred. Employee: Uh, I guess. They're right over there by the wooden train set. Sheldon: Oh! I love trains! Employee: I bet you do. Sheldon (picks up train): Oh my! That's awfully sticky. Alright, let's see. Bernie Bunny has Two Daddies Now. It's probably about homosexual rabbits. Jerry the Gerbil and the Bullies on the Bus. Read it, not helpful. Oh! Here we go. Stu the Cockatoo is New at the Zoo. Author Sarah Carpenter lives in Fort Wayne, Indiana, with her husband and best friend Mark, and their cockatoos too. Hardly makes her an expert in making friends, wouldn't you agree? Little girl: I don't like birds, they scare me. Sheldon: Me too! Most people don't see it. What are you reading? Girl: Curious George. Sheldon: Oh I do like monkeys! Girl: Curious George is a monkey. Sheldon: Somewhat anthropomorphized but yes. Say, maybe sometime you and I can go see monkeys together. Would you like that? Girl: Okay. Leonard: Sheldon, what are you doing? Sheldon: I'm making friends with this little girl. What's your name? Girl: Rebecca. Sheldon: Hi Rebecca, I'm your new friend, Sheldon. Leonard: No you're not, let's go. Sheldon: We were really hitting it off. Leonard: Don't look up, there's cameras. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The stairwell. Raj: I'm curious. In the "How Well Do You Know Sheldon" section, what do you put for his favourite amino acid? Leonard and Howard: Lysine. Raj: Damn it. I had Lysine and changed it. Sheldon: Oh good! You're just in time. I believe I've isolated the algorithm for making friends. Leonard: Sheldon, there is no algorithm for making friends! Howard: Hear him out. If he's really on to something, we can open a booth at Comic-Con, make a fortune. Sheldon: See, my initial approach to Kripke, had the same deficiencies as those that plagued Stu the Cockatoo, when he was new at the zoo. Raj: Stu the cockatoo? Leonard: Yes, he's new at the zoo. Sheldon: It's a terrific book. I've distilled its essence into a simple flowchart that would guide me through the process. Howard: Have you thought about putting him in a crate while you're out of the apartment? Sheldon (on phone): Hello, Kripke. Yes, Sheldon Cooper here. It occurred to me you hadn't returned any of my calls because I hadn't offered any concrete suggestions for pursuing our friendship. Perhaps the two of us might share a meal together... I see. Well then perhaps you'd have time for a hot beverage. Popular choices include tea, coffee, cocoa... I see. No, no, no, wait. Don't hang up yet. What about a recreational activity? I bet we share some common interests. Tell me an interest of yours. Really? On actual horses? Tell me another interest of yours. Oh no, I'm sorry, I have no desire to get in the water until I absolutely have to. Tell me another interest of yours. Leonard: Uh-oh, he's stuck in an infinite loop. Howard: I can fix it. Sheldon: Mmhmm. Mmhmm. It's interesting. But isn't ventriloquism, by definition, a solo activity? Yeah? Tell me another interest of yours. Hmmm. Is there any chance you like monkeys? What is wrong with you? Everybody likes monkeys. Hang on, Kripke. (Checking changes Howard has made to his flowchart) A loop counter? And an escape to the least objectionable activity! Howard, that's brilliant! I'm surprised you saw that. Howard: Gee. Why can't Sheldon make friends? Sheldon: Alright Kripke, that last interest strikes me as the least objectionable and I would like to propose that we do that together. Tomorrow. Yes, I'll pay. Alright, goodbye. Alright! Time to learn rock climbing. Scene: Rock climbing centre. Sheldon and Kripke are watching someone descend the practice wall. Sheldon: You know, I am a fan of ventriloquism. Maybe you, me and your dummy could go get a hot beverage. He could talk while you drink. Kripke: Nope, I wanna climb some wocks. Sheldon: This appears significantly more monolithic than it did on my laptop. No, one expects to see Hominids learning to use bones as weapeons. Kripke: You afwaid of heights, Cooper? Sheldon: Hardly. Fear of heights is illogical. Fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary. What would you say is the minimum altitude I need to achieve to cement our new-found friendship? Kripke: Come on, they have birthday parties here. Wittle kids climb this. Sheldon: Little kid Hominids, perhaps. (To man who attaches him to ropes) Is this your entire job? Your parents must be so proud. Kripke: Let's go, Cooper. Sheldon: Coming, Kripke. Okay. Harness seems to be secure. Small amount of incontinence just now, but the website said that's to be expected. Hey, this isn't so bad. A bit like vertical swimming. Kripke: Hey, look at you, Cooper. You're almost halfway to the top. Sheldon: I am? I was wrong. It IS a fear of heights. Kripke:You alwight there, Cooper? Sheldon: Not really. I feel somewhat like an inverse tangent function that's approaching an asymptote. Kripke: Are you saying you're stuck? Sheldon: What part of an inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote did you not understand? Kripke: Understood all that. I'm not a mowon. Just keep going. Sheldon: Yeah, I don't think I can. Kripke: Well, then. Cwimb back down. Sheldon: No, that doesn't seem any more likely. Kripke: So what's the pwan, Cooper? Sheldon: Well, it's not exactly a plan but I think I'm going to pass out. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: I'm sorry. Can we please just do it one more time? Howard: Okay. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3 and... (Leonard, Howard and Raj whistle "Sweet Georgia Brown" together) Leonard: It's a little thing but you really do miss it. Sheldon: Hello, everyone. I brought my new friend, Barry Kripke, home for dinner. Together: Oh... Kripke: Hewo to you, too. Leonard: How was rock climbing? Kripke: He passed out. Just hung there like a big sawami. Sheldon: D-d-d! That's where I sit. Kripke: Ooh, you have a special spot. What kind of wacko are you? Howard: How much time you got? Leonard: Want some Chinese food? Kripke: Tewific. Got any dental fwoss? Leonard: In the bathroom. Kripke: Be right back. I gotta fwoss the Indian food out of my teeth if I'm gonna eat Chinese. Penny: Sheldon, are you okay? Sheldon: Oh yes, I pass out all the time. But, it was worth it. I've made substantial progress in bonding with Kripke, which brings me to an awkward moment. Leonard: What's that? Sheldon: Maintaining five friendships promises to be a Herculean task. So, I'm going to have to let one of you go. Howard: Me, me. Let it be me. Sheldon: Leonard, you are my roommate, my source of transportation and you help me fold my sheets when they come out of the dryer. You are safe. Leonard: Can I whistle? Sheldon: Don't be silly. Howard, you do not have a PhD, your cologne is an assault on the senses and you're not available for video games during the Jewish high holidays. Howard: Guilty as charged. I'm out. Sheldon: No. You, too, are safe. Howard: Oh come on. What do I have to do? Penny: Okay. You know what? I see where this is going. I'm not one of you guys. I'm not a scientist. So just... Sheldon: Penny, Penny, Penny. Everything you're saying is true, but please allow me to continue. Raj, you're out. The good question, while you do provide a certain cultural diversity to an otherwise homogenous group, your responses to the questionnaire were truly disturbing. How could you, for a moment, think that my favourite amino acid is Glutamine? Leonard: He had Lysine but changed it. Sheldon: Yeah. Shoulda, woulda coulda, Raj. Kripke: I like to fwoss before I eat, so my gum pockets are open for new food. Penny: Eww. Kripke: Hewo. How did I walk past you? I'm Bawy. Penny: Penny. Kripke: Yeah, it's not a vewy hot name. I'm gonna call your Woxanne. Ooh, pot stickers. Howard: Suddenly I'm looking pretty good, huh? Sheldon: So uh, Kripke, I was wondering if there's any chance you could get me some time on the open science grid computer. Kripke: No. Sheldon: No? But we're friends! Kripke: I'm sowy. No, my fwiend? Sheldon: I'm confused. I was given an understanding that you allow your friends time on the machine? Kripke: No, that's wong. There's an official schedule. I have no contwol over it. Sheldon: Oh. This entire endeavour seems to have been an exercise in futility. Raj, you're back in. He likes monkeys. Scene: The climbing centre. Howard: You gotta give him credit for sticking with it. Leonard: I didn't think he had it in him. Raj: He almost made it to the top this time. Sheldon is seen dangling from the ropes	Plan: A: Kripke; Q: Who does Sheldon plan to befriend to gain access to an Open Science Grid computer? A: The socially inept Sheldon struggles; Q: Why does Sheldon struggle to make friends? A: his current friends; Q: Who is of little help in this area? A: Leonard; Q: Who drives Sheldon to the bookstore? A: the bookstore; Q: Where does Sheldon go to find self-help literature on friendship? A: a pedophile; Q: What is the little girl Sheldon tries to make friends with accused of being? A: A children's book; Q: What book helped Sheldon design an algorithm for making new friends? A: flowchart form; Q: How did Sheldon design an algorithm for making new friends? A: Sheldon faints; Q: What happens when Sheldon goes rock climbing with Kripke? A: heights; Q: What does Sheldon fear? A: the apartment; Q: Where does Sheldon decide to cut off Raj as a friend to make room for Kripke? A: a friend; Q: What does Sheldon restore Raj to after Kripke reveals he does not control computer access? Summary: Sheldon hears that Kripke controls access to an Open Science Grid computer, so he plans to befriend him to gain access to it. The socially inept Sheldon struggles, and his current friends are of little help in this area so, in the hope of finding self-help literature on friendship, he has Leonard drive him to the bookstore. There Sheldon tries making friends with a little girl, but Leonard makes him exit quickly before he is picked up as a pedophile. A children's book from the store helps Sheldon design an algorithm in flowchart form for making new friends. This pays off when Sheldon goes rock climbing with Kripke, but Sheldon faints due to his fear of heights. Back at the apartment, Sheldon decides to cut off Raj as a friend to make room for Kripke. However, when Kripke reveals he does not actually control computer access, Sheldon dismisses him and restores Raj as a friend.
Act One. Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Martin and Sherry are sat reading the newspaper on the couch as Daphne enters from her room. Daphne: Well, I'm off to get our lunch. Any special requests? Sherry: Oh, no, no, no, anything you pick you will be fine. Daphne: Okay, then. Back in a bit. Sherry: She is such a doll. You are such a doll! Daphne exits. Sherry: I thought she'd never leave! Martin: I know. It's nice to have some time alone finally. Sherry: Oh, isn't it? Martin: Come here, you. Martin and Sherry start kissing passionately. Then Eddie runs in and starts licking Sherry's face. Martin: Hey, get your own. Now, come on now, get away, come on. Come with me, come on, Eddie. [gets up] Come on. Martin opens the powder room and puts Eddie inside. Martin: There you go. Seat's already up for you. It's happy hour! [shuts door] Where were we? Sherry: Oh, come here, you little devil, you. Martin and Sherry start kissing again but Daphne enters with Niles and Frasier carrying food bags. Daphne: Well, look who was just coming home with take-out from the gourmet shop. Martin and Sherry act happy but look at each other annoyed. Sherry: Boys, hi. Don't you look handsome in your best bib and tucker. Come and give Aunt Sherry a great big kiss! Niles: Perhaps just a friendly wave from across the room. Niles waves to her. Sherry: Niles, you are so shy. Thank God your big brother isn't. Now come on, Fras, plant one on me. [he reluctantly does] Frasier: [screws his face] Has Eddie been licking you? Sherry: Yes. Frasier: Yes, yes, I thought your perfume had a hint of sausage in it. Sherry: So, you two've been shopping? Frasier: Well, antiquing actually. I just found the most exquisite Japanese door knocker, it's said to bring peace and tranquility to any home it adorns. Frasier shows it to her. Sherry: Oh, I haven't seen any decent oriental knocker since "Emperor Charles's Shanghai revue!" Martin: [laughs like mad] Isn't she great? She is as funny as she is classy! Niles: No argument there! Oh, by the way, if you want someone to install that for you, I can put you in touch with my ex- houseman, Guy. [sounds like Ge] Frasier: Guy? Niles: No, [same pronunciation] Guy! Frasier: Guy? Niles: No, back of the throat, [same pronunciation] Guy. Frasier: Oh, what's the difference?! Also, heavens, I can install a simple door knocker on my own. [laughs] Frasier opens the door and puts the knocker up to the door. He stares at it. Martin: You probably need a screwdriver. Frasier: That's exactly what I was about to get. Frasier walks to the center of the room, confused. Martin: It's in the tool drawer. Frasier, however, still looks around. Martin: The drawer under that big tea server thing. Frasier: Dad, that is a Byelorussian samovar! My God, how long have you lived here?! Frasier exits to the kitchen as Daphne enters with the food served up. Daphne: Here we are. Lunch is ready. Sherry: Oh, actually, hon, I just remembered I've got an errand I gotta run before I get to work. Goodbye, Niles. [goes to him] Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you, I know it embarrasses you. Wait, come here, you've got some schmutz on your cheek. Sherry wets her fingers with her tongue and wipes Niles's face with it. Sherry: My mistake, it's a mole, you might want to have that checked. Niles: Oh, I think now I'll just play it safe and have it removed. [wipes off Sherry's spit] Frasier enters with the screwdriver and notices one of his ornaments on his display shelf. Frasier: Oh, Daphne, you know, apparently this morning when you were dusting, you forgot this object does not face front but rather askew. [turns it] Daphne: I'm so sorry, Dr. Crane, I should never have tried to do it without that diagram you drew me. Sherry: Oh, Frasier, now that I know you like antiques, I've got a little present at home for you. It's a lamp, shaped like two frogs kissing and when you turn it on, their hearts glow. When would you like me to bring it by? Frasier is aghast. Niles: Preferably when I'm here. Sherry: I'll bring it with me tomorrow. Bye-bye. [exits with Martin] Frasier: Daphne, would you bring me the hammer? Daphne: I thought you just needed a screwdriver for your door knocker. Frasier: Well, I do, I just want to be prepared for when that froggy lamp gets here. Meanwhile Martin and Sherry are kissing by the side of the elevator. Sherry: I'll see you later, honey, I'll call you. Martin: Okay, bye. Frasier starts to screw on his knocker as the doors open. An old, frosty woman is standing in the elevator as Sherry steps on. Martin: Oh, hi there, Mrs. Langer. Langer: Ms! Martin: Oh, right, Ms... The doors shut as Langer tries to see what Frasier is doing. Martin: Ms...erable cow! [laughs and enters apartment] Niles, tonight's your opera night, isn't it? Niles: Yes. Why? Martin: Well, I was just wondering. You know, I'd love to cook a nice romantic dinner for Sherry but I can't do it at her place because I'm allergic to her cats and there is no privacy around here. Niles: Say no more, Dad. My bachelor pad is the perfect place to entertain a young lady. Just remember, always use coasters, no snacking in the carpeted areas and close the art books after viewing so you don't crease the spine! Frasier: I think they have the same rules at the "Playboy Mansion." Frasier finally stands back from his DIY opus. Frasier: Oh, it's on, that's fast. Huh, that's not so hard. You know, tomorrow morning I think I may just have to attack that leaking sink in the powder room. [closes door] Daphne starts laughing out loud, and then off his glare: Daphne: Oh, sorry, I thought that was a joke. We hear the sound of someone using the door knocker. Frasier: Ah! The inaugural knock. Frasier opens the door to find a note attached to the knocker. He takes it. Frasier: Oh, what's this? [reads] "Your unauthorised door knocker violates the condo by-laws regarding hallway decoration. Remove it immediately." Daphne: Oh, that's one of Mrs. Langer's no-no slips. I can't stand that woman. Just because she's president of the condo board she acts like this building's her kingdom. Everything has to be done exactly the way she likes it. Frasier: Yes, well, Daphne, nobody hates a bossy fussbudget more than I do but... Daphne, askew, askew! [turns another objet d'art] But, rules are there for reason. I was obviously at fault for not getting approval before I hung it up there. Niles: I did notice a sign in the lobby about some condo board meeting tonight if you want to present your case. Frasier: Oh, perfect. We live in a democratic system and I will work within it. I'm sure I can persuade them with my charm and eloquence. Daphne: I don't know, those people can be very difficult. Frasier: Oh, pish-tosh! It's not as though I'll be addressing the Supreme Court, I'll simply be talking to the board! Martin: [aside] Well, they will be by the time he gets though! Frasier exits. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Condo Board Meeting. A crowd of tenants is gathered listening to Ms. Langer. Langer is sat at the front table with two other members of the board. As Langer speaks, Frasier enters cautiously at the back and sits next to Molly, a resident in a wheelchair. Langer: After careful consideration of the bids from a number of gardeners, we have decided to go with Jordan landscaping. Frasier: [to Molly] Excuse me, I'm not too late, am I? I was hoping to make a statement. Molly: Me too. They will be getting to new business soon, fortunately. Frasier: Good, good. I have a matter of some importance. Molly: Oh, well then you should go before me. Frasier: Oh, well, thank you. Why are you here? Molly: I'm going to ask them to make the ramp outside the building less steep, so I don't keep rolling into traffic. Frasier: [guilty] Oh, well, er, perhaps you should go first. Langer: Is that Frasier Crane talking while I'm talking? Frasier: Well, yes, I'm sorry, Ms. Langer. I was just inquiring as to whether I was too late to raise some new business. Langer: Well, we were just about to get to that. Why don't you go ahead? Frasier: [to Molly] I'll be quick. [stands and speaks] Ah, earlier today, I installed a new door knocker without your permission. Now, I'd like to say in my defense that my over- eagerness was not out of disrespect but rather enthusiasum for the door knocker, which I'm sure you will agree is really quite beautiful. [hands the board members a picture] I understand the rule exists to prohibit people from putting eyesores in public places, but I ask you, should it apply to something as beautiful as this? [hands some pictures out to audience] Here, if you will please. Something, which only serves to elevate our spirits. Let's just say somebody passes by my door, sees the knocker and suddenly feels just a little bit better without even knowing why. That same person passes a perfect stranger and smiles - who in turn... reaches down and picks up, perhaps, a piece of trash; plants a garden, volunteers at a soup kitchen? Like little ripples on a still pond, the happiness spreads. What I'm asking to do, think of this not simply as an ornament but rather an opportunity, dare I say it, of knocking on the door of a new, more civilised world. [collects pictures] Thank you. The audience seem pleased and agreeable. Langer: Allow us just a moment. Frasier: Of course. The board take a couple of seconds to confer. Langer: Request denied! You must remove the knocker within twenty- four hours, despite the consequences to world peace. Frasier: I appreciate your... Langer: Are you still talking? Your request is denied! Sit down! Frasier: But there has been no discussion, it hasn't even been opened up to the floor. Langer: I will entertain suggestions from the floor if anyone has any idea how to shut this man up! Frasier: Forget it! I came down here expecting a fair hearing in the democratic tradition, but here you are: a tyrant more concerned with the exercise of power than with justice! Well, I will leave now taking solace in the certain knowledge that in time, you, Ms. Langer, will join all tyrants on the ash-heap of history! Frasier exits amid great applause from the audience. A second later, Frasier reenters, embarrassed because he's left his briefcase behind. Frasier: I'm not here. He picks up his briefcase and goes to the door. However, all his papers spill out. Frasier: You know, I'll just get those later. [SCENE_BREAK] DEEP EAR, NOSE AND THROAT Scene Three - Elliot Bay Towers Parking Lot. Frasier pulls his car into his space and gets out. He locks the door. The lot is very dark as he heads to the stairs. However a car pulls up in front of him, blinding him with the headlights. An unknown man gets out of his car and stands in front of the headlights so Frasier can't see him. Man: Dr. Crane. Frasier: Yes. Who's there? Man: A friend. [Frasier steps forward] Ah, keep your distance. Frasier: Why can't I see you? Man: That's not important right now. What's important is that you were not afraid to go up against Ms. Langer last night. Frasier: Without much success. Man: More than you know. Those people in the building are afraid of her. There is a group of us who fight her though, a small- but-determined band of resistors. You know the doormat by the service elevator? [Frasier nods] We did that! Frasier: It's very nice. Man: We would like you to be our candidate to go up against her in the upcoming elections. Frasier: Well, I'm very flattered, but you see... Man: You are our only chance, Dr. Crane, and she must be defeated. [carried away] She is evil! Heckles in 1704 was two days late with his condo fee and she lowered the water pressure in his shower. Eventually he died. Frasier: Of bad water pressure? Man: No, I think it was a hunting accident. But he spent his last months on this earth unable to get all the conditioner out of his hair. Only you posses the charisma and courage to defeat her. Frasier: Well, that may be, but, er... Man: I am not asking you to decide right now. I just want you to say you'll think about it. Frasier: All right, but why can't I see who you are? Man: Because I'm remodeling my bathroom! If she found out I was talking to you, she would never approve my bidet. Just think of me as "Mr. X"! "Mr. X" gets in his car and drives away. Frasier notices the plates on the car that read "DRDORF". Frasier: That would work better without the vanity plates, Dr. Dorfman! End of Act One. Act Two. Scene One - Frasier's Apartment Building. It is just after Frasier's surprise meeting. Frasier is at the elevator and presses to go up, but Niles arrives. Niles: Frasier, wait. Frasier: Oh, hello, Niles. [opens doors for him] You know, Niles, the most extraordinary thing just happened to me down at the garage. Niles and Frasier go up. Niles: Excuse me... is Dad home now? Frasier: Yes, as far as I know. Niles: I was afraid of that. Frasier: Why? Is something wrong? Niles: Well, last night I invited Dad to use my apartment for a quiet, romantic dinner with Sherry while I attended "La Traviata." Well, the production was just dreadful. In "Opoir Selor Oui," the soprano couldn't hit the E flat above high C to save her life! I was so fed up I stormed out, drove home, entered my apartment and when I saw what Dad and Sherry were doing there, I hit the note myself! Frasier: You mean they were... Niles: They were! Frasier: Oh! What did you do? Niles: Pulled up a chaise lounge and took out my opera glasses, what do you think I did? I slammed the door and ran away. I've never been so embarrassed. Frasier: Oh Niles, you simply have to diffuse the entire subject with simple, adult conversation. I don't want to re-create what happened to Maris and me after the cabin incident when I walked in on her taking a shower. Oh God, months of avoidance and awkwardness. Niles: [shocked] Excuse me? You saw my Maris completely naked? Frasier: Oh, don't fret, Niles, it was really nothing more than a fleeting glance in a very steamy bathroom. More like glimpsing a birch sapling through a thick fog. Niles: Life is so unfair! You get a vision of my Maris, I get a big eyefull of Dad! Frasier: Well, I'd say we hit about the same level on the "Yikes!" meter! The elevator stops and the doors open revealing Roz waiting outside Frasier's apartment. Frasier: Oh Roz, you're here. Roz: Is that your idea of an apology for making me work on a Saturday and then getting here late?! Frasier: I was detained. They enter the apartment. Frasier: Roz, the most extraordinary thing happened. I was down at the parking garage, when suddenly I was blinded by a set of headlights. A mysterious man crept from the shadows and told me I should run for condo board president. Roz: You've been at your wine club, haven't you?! Frasier: No. This really happened. Niles: Surely you're not actually thinking of running? You've never held an elected office in your life. Frasier: Are you forgetting I served two terms back in high school as grand panem tandrum of the vocabulary club! Roz: Listen, Frasier, this job is a nightmare. Trust me, I know. Like if somebody wants a garbage disposal, they'll bug you day and night, they'll leave kitchen scraps in your mailbox until they get what they want. Frasier: Have you served on a condo board? Roz: No, but I have a brand new garbage disposal. Daphne enters struggling with grocery bags. Daphne: Hello, all. [they greet her] Niles: Let me help you with those. [he does] Daphne: Thanks. I've had to lug these things five blocks. This morning, Mrs. Langer gave me one of those no-no slips for parking in the same vacant space I've been using for years. Frasier: God, I'm sorry, Daphne, I'm afraid this is my fault. Ms. Langer's simply retaliated against me. You see, last night I rather humiliated her in a dazzling display of rhetoric! Daphne: I heard you spilled your briefcase all over the floor. Frasier: You know, this building has a grapevine Ernest & Julio Gallo would envy! You know, perhaps I should run against Ms. Langer. God knows, she's ripe for a good comeuppance! Daphne: Oh, I know exactly what you mean, Dr. Crane. I was standing behind her in the elevator the other day, looking at the back of her head and I thought, you know, several stout whacks with a tire iron and this building would be a much happier place! I'll just get these bags off to the kitchen. Daphne exits with the bags. Niles: Frasier, this Langer woman sounds as if she wields considerable power. What if you run against her and lose? Roz: I'm with Niles, let somebody else do it. Frasier: What an appalling expression of apathy. What kind of a world do you think this would be if everyone thought the way you two do? [Niles exits to the kitchen to help Daphne] Roz: Everyone does think the way we do. Frasier: And look at the kind of world it is! Corruption in high places, illiterates unconcerned with the real issues because they are too consumed with the same selfish pleasures! Niles: [enters with an eclair] Is this eclair spoken for? Frasier: It's mine, put it back! [he does] Where will this all lead? The point is, if you're not willing to get involved then you have no right to grumble when things don't go your way. Martin enters with Eddie. Martin: Look at this. I've got two slips for not taking Eddie in the freight elevator. It's ridiculous, everybody uses the main elevator. Mrs. Tortwurst has her dog, Fluffy, in there all the time. Frasier: [takes slip] Oh, that's it, I am running for condo board president. The time comes in every man's life when he must meet face to face with a challenge, rather than skitter away like a coward. Martin: Well, I'm proud of you son, that's a way a Crane talks! Niles then enters from the kitchen and meets Martin. They both start mumbling at each other, completely nervous. Martin runs in the kitchen as Niles runs quickly out the door. Roz looks at Frasier in confusion. [SCENE_BREAK] WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. The following day, Daphne is sat reading "Seattle Magazine" in Martin's chair. Daphne: Okay, Eddie, now. Eddie is stood on the coffee table. He has a cloth in his mouth and walks back and forth along the table "cleaning" it. Frasier enters and stares. Daphne: Good boy, Eddie. Now, go make dinner. Eddie trots off to the kitchen as Daphne bursts out laughing. Daphne: It's just a little joke Eddie and I have been working on. Frasier: Too bad, it explains so much. [looks at a no-no slip on the side] What is this? Another one? Daphne: Oh, yes, it seems your father got it last night. I guess he's just refusing to take Eddie in the freight elevator. Of course, all of that will be different once you're elected. Frasier: Yes, but we don't want to jinx it, Daphne. I must say, I think my chances are very good after this epistle I found this morning on my windshield. It's from the Resistance! Daphne reads it. Daphne: [reads] "Dear Dr. Crane, we have polled the building. The election is yours, good work. Signed, Anonymous." But wouldn't this be more anonymous if it didn't say, "from the desk of Dr. William M. Dorfman"? Frasier: Yes, well, now you see why they need me. With this lead aside, I still wish I had a punchier opening for this speech I wrote this morning. Well, I'm running out of time. Unless, yes... I think Ms. Langer may have given me the very ammunition I need for my opening salvo. We'll just see how the voters feel about a woman who tries to persecute a disabled ex-policeman and his loyal old dog. Daphne: You know, it will be nice to live a building where anyone can hang whatever they damn well please on their door! Frasier: Of course! [then] Well, pending my approval. Frasier exits as Martin cautiously enters. Martin: Is he gone? Daphne: Well, yes. You're not avoiding him, are you? Martin: Well, yeah, kind of. I mean, it's pretty embarrassing about getting caught last night in that hot tub and then the whole building's talking about it. Daphne: Well, what happened? Martin: You haven't heard? Daphne: No. Martin: Oh! Well... never mind! Daphne: No, no, no, no, what? Martin: Well, after dinner last night my hip was getting kinda stiff so I went down to the hot tub. Well, you know how it is when you kick up the jets and your trunks fill up like a hot air balloon. Daphne: No, but go on. Martin: Well, there was nobody about so I just slipped out of them and tossed them on the deck. Daphne: You mean you were...? Martin: Yeah, just floatin' free. So, I was sitting there minding my own business, you know, and letting the bubbles do their work and suddenly old lady Langer shows up. She sees my trunks and she writes me out a no-no slip right there and then. Daphne: You mean the no-no slip was for being naked in the hot tub? Martin: Yeah. Daphne: Oh, I told Dr. Crane it was because you took Eddie in the elevator. Oh, dear, I've got to get down to that condo meeting. Martin: Why? Daphne: Well, I don't know what's going on down there but suddenly I have a very queasy feeling! Daphne exits a rush. Martin: Just what Ms. Langer said when she tossed me my trunks. Scene Three - Condo Board Meeting. The building is gathered, including Frasier, as Langer finishes her speech. Langer: So, you can vote for me - a person who has worked this past year to keep this building running smoothly - or you can turn the building over to a man who can scarcely keep his own family under control. Thank you. She sits to a polite applause. Frasier: [stands] Hello, condo owners. I'm sorry my opponent has chosen to be vindictive about my family, but that is merely characteristic of her behaviour during her entire term in office. How else would one explain this? [brings out no-no slip] This citation my father received last night is a perfect example of the prejudice that this woman is capable of. Langer: We are all aware of your father's behaviour last night. I'm surprised you're not too afraid to bring it up. Frasier: Ashamed? Not at all! I defend his behaviour! So he had his little friend out where he shouldn't be. So what? He's been doing it for years! Langer: You approve of his behaviour? Frasier: Approve? I applaud it! Have you no compassion? My father is getting older, hasn't many pleasures left in life. I can't tell you the hours of joy that that little guy has brought him! And not just him. Who among us can't help but break into a smile upon seeing the little fella? Oh, I know, you know, sometimes it is irksome when his little Eddie appears at any inopportune moments, but... Langer: He's named it Eddie? Frasier: Well, "Eddie"'s, of course, not a name I might have chose. I might have gone with something a bit more - oh, I don't know, whimsical like, er, oh... Puck! The audience is really shocked by now. Frasier misinterprets this. Frasier: You know, the clodsom sprite from Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream." Don't look so shocked! Whom does it really harm if he unleashes Eddie once in a while? Come on, it's not as though he's alone in this beheviour. Mrs. Tortwurst, I've seen you do the same thing many times with your Fluffy. [she is shocked] You know, if you ask me, not only is this behaviour harmless, it's laudable. Why, you should see the looks on the faces of the schoolchildren when he takes Eddie out to the playground. Daphne enters amid all this confusion and whispers sharply in Frasier's ear. Frasier takes some time to sink in the information. Frasier: On the other hand... we all need rules. [turns to Daphne] Go! Go! Go! Daphne and Frasier run out, Frasier peers round the door. Frasier: Oh, and sorry about the knocker. Frasier exits, leaving everyone confused. End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] We see the view from the back of the elevator. The doors open revealing Ms. Langer who steps inside. She waits for the elevator to come to a halt. We then see a baguette hover above Ms. Langer's head, ready to strike. The elevator is then shown from a different angle, it seems Daphne is the one who is holding the bread stick. Ms. Langer looks round at her as Daphne quickly covers her actions by taking a bite of the french bread. Ms. Langer finally leaves the elevator allowing Daphne to stick the bread stick in her bag almost like an Avenger with her gun.	Plan: A: a new antique Japanese door knocker; Q: What does Frasier have that he claims brings peace and tranquility to any home it adorns? A: an angry note; Q: What does Ms. Langer send to Frasier after he installs his new door knocker? A: Ms. Langer; Q: Who is the chair of the condo board? A: the knocker; Q: What did Ms. Langer claim violated hallway decoration rules? A: a rhetorical manner; Q: How does Frasier try to raise the issue of the door knocker at the condo board meeting? A: the request; Q: What did Ms. Langer dismiss so abruptly that Frasier loses his temper? A: his temper; Q: What does Frasier lose when Ms. Langer dismisses his request? A: a tyrant; Q: What does Frasier call Ms. Langer? A: the applause; Q: What did the other residents give when Frasier stormed out of the condo board meeting? A: Elliot Bay Towers; Q: Where is the unlit car park of the building where Frasier is approached by a mysterious figure? A: a secretive figure; Q: Who wants Frasier to run for president? A: presidential candidate; Q: What position does the mysterious figure want Frasier to run for? A: Martin; Q: Who is the neighbor who receives angry notes from Ms. Langer? A: angry notes; Q: What do Martin and Daphne start receiving? Summary: Frasier has a new antique Japanese door knocker , which he claims "is said to bring peace and tranquility to any home it adorns". Minutes after he fixes it to his front door, he receives an angry note from Ms. Langer, the chair of the condo board, claiming that the knocker violates rules of hallway decoration. He decides to raise the issue in a rhetorical manner at the next condo board meeting, but Ms. Langer dismisses the request so abruptly that Frasier loses his temper, calls her a tyrant and storms out, to the applause of the other residents. Soon afterwards, Frasier is approached in the unlit car park of Elliot Bay Towers by a secretive figure, who wants him to stand as presidential candidate against Ms. Langer, for the good of the other residents. He is initially reluctant, but then Martin and Daphne start receiving angry notes as well, and Frasier decides it is time to take action.
Recap of 304 "Daleks in Manhattan". OPENING CREDITS DALEK SEC: These... humans will become like me. The Doctor slips unnoticed behind some machinery. DALEK SEC: Prepare them for hybridisation. The pig slaves close in on Martha, Frank and the other prisoners. MARTHA: Leave me alone! Don't you dare! "Happy Days are Here Again" begins playing and everyone stops, wondering where it's coming from. DALEK SEC: What is that sound? The Doctor steps out, a radio in his hands. DOCTOR: That would be me. (Sets radio down). Hello. Surprise. Boo. Et cetera. DALEK SEC: Doctor. DALEK 1: The enemy of the Daleks. DALEK 2: Exterminate. DALEK SEC: Wait. DOCTOR: Well, then. A new form of Dalek. (Walks forward). Fascinating and very clever. DALEK SEC: The Cult of Skaro escaped your slaughter. DOCTOR: How did you end up in 1930? DALEK SEC: Emergency Temporal Shift. DOCTOR (scoffs): Oh, that must have roasted up your power cells, yeah? (Strides away, looking about). Time was, four Daleks could have conquered the world but instead your skulking away, hidden in the dark, experimenting. (Deep breath). All of which results in you. DALEK SEC: I am Dalek in human form. DOCTOR: What does it feel like? You can talk to me, Dalek Sec. It is Dalek Sec, isn't it? That's your name? You've got a name and a mind of your own. Tell me what you're thinking right now. DALEK SEC: I... feel... humanity. DOCTOR: Good. That's good. DALEK SEC: I... feel... everything we wanted from mankind, which is ambition, hatred, aggression and war. Such... a genius for war. DOCTOR: No, that's not what humanity means. DALEK SEC: I think it does. At heart, this species is so very... Dalek. DOCTOR: All right, so what have you achieved hen? With this Final Experiment, eh? Nothing! 'Cause I can show you what you're missing with this thing. (Points at radio). Simple little radio. Pats it. DALEK 2: What is the purpose of that device? DOCTOR: Well, exactly. It plays music. What's the point of that? Oh, with music, you can dance to it, sing with it, fall in love to it. Unless you're a Dalek of course. Then it's just noise. The Doctor aims the sonic screwdriver at the radio and a high pitch wail emanates from it. Sec holds his head in pain while the other Daleks act erratically. The Doctor turns to the prisoners. DOCTOR: Run! The prisoners escape and the Doctor follows them. DALEK 1: Protect the hybrid! DALEKS: Protect. Protect. Protect. Martha leads the prisoners running through the sewers, the Doctor last. DALEK 1: Report status. DALEK SEC: Pain. Pain... of the flesh like no other Dalek has felt for thousands of years. DALEK 1: The Doctor has escaped. DALEK SEC: Then find him. Find him. DALEK 1 (to pig slaves): Find the Doctor. The prisoners must be recaptured. Martha stops, unsure of which way to go. The Doctor rushes past. DOCTOR: Come on! Move, move, move, move, move! They run down a tunnel to find Tallulah. DOCTOR: And you, Tallulah! Run! TALLULAH (bewildered): What's happened to Laszlo? The pig slaves and two Daleks are following. Laszlo slips away. The Doctor leads everyone to a ladder. DOCTOR: C'mon! Everyone up! Dalek Sec picks up the remains of the radio and runs his hand along the broken casing almost wistfully The Daleks find the ladder. DALEK 1: They have ascended. (To pig slaves): Return to base. The pig slaves leave and it turns to Dalek 2. DALEK 1: Request information. What is your opinion of Dalek Sec? DALEK 2: We were created to follow him. DALEK 1: But you have... doubts. Dalek 2 looks around as if to make sure they are alone. DALEK 2: Affirmative. HOOVERVILLE An overhead shot shows the party of prisoners returning to Hooverville. They are then gathered around a fire, Martha and Tallulah sitting on crates. SOLOMON: These Daleks, they sound like the stuff of nightmares. And they wanna breed? DOCTOR: They're splicing themselves into human bodies. If I'm right, they've got a farm of breeding stock right here in Hooverville. We've got to get everyone out. SOLOMON: Hooverville's the lowest place a man can fall. There's nowhere else to go. DOCTOR: I'm sorry, Solomon. You've got to scatter. Go anywhere. Down to the railroads, travel across state, just get out of New York. SOLOMON: There's got to be a way to reason with these things. MARTHA: There's not a chance. FRANK: You ain't seen 'em, boss. DOCTOR: Daleks are bad enough at anytime, but right now they're vulnerable and that makes them more dangerous than ever. The sentry posted on the edge of Hooverville sees the pig slaves coming and blows his whistle in warning as he runs to tell everyone. SENTRY: They're coming! They're coming! SOLOMON: A sentry. Must have seen something. SENTRY: They're here! I seen 'em! Monsters! They're monsters! DOCTOR: It's started. SOLOMON: We're under attack! Everyone to arms! The men start passing out the guns and other weapons they had collected. FRANK: I'm ready, boss, but al o' you! Find a weapon! Use anything! Some of the residents run off. SOLOMON: Come back! We gotta stick together! It's not safe out there! Come back! The pig slaves invade Hooverville, attacking those who try to escape. MARTHA: We need to get out of the park. DOCTOR: We can't! They're on all sides. They're driving people back towards us. TALLULAH: We're trapped. SOLOMON: Then we stand together. Gather 'round. Everybody come to me. You there, Jethro, Harry, Seamus, stay together. The pig slaves have forced everyone into a tight circle by the fire. SOLOMON: They can't take all of us. Starts firing. MARTHA: If we can just hold them off till daylight. DOCTOR (looks skywards): Oh, Martha, they're just the foot soldiers. Everyone turns and looks up. MARTHA: Oh, my God. A Dalek is flying above, heading towards them. SOLOMON: What in this world... SENTRY: It's the devil. A devil in the sky. God save us all. It's damnation. FRANK: Oh yeah? We'll see about that! Frank fires at the Dalek but the bullets do no damage. The Doctor pushes his rifle down. DOCTOR: That's not gonna work. DALEK SEC: Establish visual contact. A screen appears showing the Dalek's view of Hooverville. DALEK SEC: Commence the attack. MARTHA: There's more than one of them. The Daleks begin to attack, firing upon the settlement causing explosions and starting fires. DALEK 1: The humans will surrender. The Doctor appears on the screen. DOCTOR: Leave them alone! They've done nothing to you! DALEK 2: We have located the Doctor! Solomon steps forward and the Doctor grabs him by the arm. DOCTOR: No, Solomon. Stay back. SOLOMON: I'm told that I'm addressin' the Daleks, is that right? DALEK SEC: Observe humanity. For all their faults they have... such courage. SOLOMON: From what I hear, you're outcasts, too. DOCTOR: Solomon, don't. SOLOMON: Doctor, this is my township, you will respect my authority. Sec is watching the exchange with interest. SOLOMON: Just let me try. Solomon pushes the Doctor away. The Doctor steps back, shaking his head. SOLOMON: Daleks... ain't we all the same? Underneath, ain't we all kin? (Sets rifle on the ground). 'Cause, see, I've just discovered this past day God's universe is a thousand times the size I thought it was. And that scares me. Oh, yeah. Terrifies me. Right down to the bone. But it's got to give me hope... hope that maybe together we can make a better tomorrow. So I... I beg you now if you have any compassion in your hearts then you'll meet with us and stop this fight. Well... what do you say? DALEK 2: Exterminate! Dalek 2 fires upon Solomon, killing him. FRANK: Oh, no! The inhabitants of Hooverville scream. In the lab, Sec gasps at Solomon's death and the other Dalek looks at him Frank rushes to Solomon's side. FRANK: No! Solomon! MARTHA: They killed him. They just shot him on the spot. DOCTOR (pissed off): Daleks! The Doctor moves forward, arms out to his side, and confronts the Daleks. DOCTOR: All right, so it's my turn! Then kill me! Kill me if it'll stop you attacking these people! DALEK 1: I will be the destroyer of our greatest enemy. DOCTOR: Then do it! Do it! Just do it! (Beats on his chest). Do it! DALEK 1: Extermin... DALEK SEC: Stop! I command you. Stop. DALEK 1: I do not understand. It is the Doctor. DALEK SEC: But I want him alive. DALEK 1: The urge to kill is too strong. DALEK SEC: I have decided the Doctor must live and you will obey me. DALEK 1: I... obey. DOCTOR: What's going on? DALEK SEC: Bring him to me. DALEK 1: You will follow. MARTHA: No! You can't go! DOCTOR: I've got to go. The Daleks just changed their minds. Daleks never change their minds. MARTHA: But what about us? The Doctor looks back at the people of Hooverville before facing the Dalek. DOCTOR: One condition! If I come with you, you spare the lives of everyone here! Do you hear me? DALEK SEC: Obey the Doctor. DALEK 1: The humans will be spared. Doctor... follow. MARTHA: Then I'm coming with you. DOCTOR: Martha, stay here. Do what you do best. People are hurt. You can help them. Let me go. Martha looks at the Doctor as he looks at the Daleks before striding off to follow them. Martha looks hurt and alone. The Doctor pauses and looks back. DOCTOR: Oh, and can I just say, thank you very much. The Doctor grips her hand with both of his and winks. As he walks off, Martha sees he has given her the psychic paper. DALEK 3: You saved the Doctor. Why? DALEK SEC: He's... a genius and we can use him. The future of the Daleks might well depend on the Doctor. Martha is applying a bandage to a man's arm when Tallulah walks in with a pot of water. TALLULAH: Here you go. I got some more on the boil. MARTHA: Thanks. (To man): You'll be all right. It's just a cut. Try and keep it clean. MAN: Thanks. The man leaves and Tallulah leans against the wall. TALLULAH: So what about us? What do we do now? MARTHA: The Doctor gave me this. He must have had a reason. Martha pulls out the psychic paper and shows Tallulah. TALLULAH: What's that for? MARTHA: Gets you into places, buildings and things. But where? He must want me to go somewhere but what am I supposed to do? The Doctor arrives in the Dalek lab and immediately starts in on Dalek Sec. DOCTOR: Those people were defenceless! You only wanted me, but no, that wasn't enough for you! You had to start killing 'cause that's the only thing a Dalek's good for! DALEK SEC: The deaths... were wrong. DOCTOR: I'm sorry? DALEK SEC: That man, their leader Solomon, he showed courage. DOCTOR: And that's good? DALEK SEC: That's excellent. DOCTOR: Is it me or are you just becoming a little bit more human? DALEK SEC: You are the last of your kind and now I am the first of mine. DOCTOR: What do you want me for? DALEK SEC: We tried everything to survive when we found ourselves stranded in this ignorant age. First we tried growing new Dalek embryos but their flesh was too weak. DOCTOR: Yeah, I found one of your experiments. Just left to die out there in the dark. DALEK SEC: It forced us to conclude what is the greatest resource of this planet, its people. Dalek Sec lifts a giant switch on the wall and the ceiling above them lights up to show hundreds of human bodies lying suspended. Dalek Sec lifts another switch and one of the bodies is lowered. We see it is shrouded. DALEK SEC: We stole them. We stole human beings for our purpose. Look... inside. The Doctor opens the shroud to reveal the foreman seen in "Daleks in Manhattan". DALEK SEC: This... is the extent of the Final Experiment. DOCTOR: Is he dead? DALEK SEC: Near death with his mind wiped ready to be filled with new ideas. DOCTOR: Dalek ideas. DALEK SEC: The Human-Dalek race. DOCTOR: All of these people. How many? DALEK SEC: We have caverns beyond this storing more than a thousand. DOCTOR: Is there any way to restore them? Make them human again? DALEK SEC: Everything they were has been lost. DOCTOR: So they're like shells. You've got empty human beings ready to be converted. That's going to take a hell of a lot of power. This planet hasn't even split the atom yet. How're you gonna do it? DALEK SEC: Open the conductor plan. Inside Solomon's tent Tallulah is searching through papers. Martha is pacing, tapping the psychic paper in her hand. MARTHA: Wait a minute. Down in the sewers the Daleks mentioned this... energy conductor. TALLULAH: What does that mean? MARTHA: I don't know. Maybe like a... lightening conductor or... Dalekanium! TALLULAH: Oh. MARTHA: They said the Dalekanium was in place. TALLULAH: In place where? MARTHA: Frank might know. Martha and Tallulah leave Solomon's tent and find Frank grieving. MARTHA: Frank? FRANK: Hm? MARTHA: That Mr. Diagoras, he was like some sort of fixer, yeah? Get you jobs all over town? FRANK: Yeah. He could find a profit anywhere. MARTHA: But where, though? What sort of things? FRANK: You name it. We're all so desperate for work, you just hoped Diagoras would pick you for something good. Building work. That pays the best. MARTHA: But what sort of building work? FRANK: Mainly building that. Frank points to the Empire State Building. Dalek Sec is showing the Doctor an animated graphic of their plan. DOCTOR: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Empire State Building. We're right underneath that. I worked that out already, thanks. But what, you hijacked the whole building? DALEK SEC: We needed an energy conductor. DOCTOR: What for? DALEK SEC: I... am the genetic template. My altered DNA was to be administered to each human body. A strong enough blast of gamma radiation can splice the Dalek and human genetic codes and wake each body from its sleep. DOCTOR: Gamma radiation? What are... Oh, the sun. You're using the sun. DALEK SEC: Soon... the greatest solar flare for a thousand years will hit the Earth. Gamma radiation will be drawn to the energy conductor and when it strikes... DOCTOR: The army wakes. I still don't know what you need me for. DALEK SEC: Your genius. Consider a pure Dalek, intelligent but emotionless. DOCTOR: Removing the emotions makes you stronger. That's what your creator thought all those years ago. DALEK SEC: He was wrong. DOCTOR: He was what? DALEK SEC: It makes us lesser than our enemies. We must return to the flesh. The other Daleks seem concerned at this statement. DALEK SEC: And also... the heart. DOCTOR: You wouldn't be the supreme beings anymore. DALEK SEC: And that is good. DALEK 1: That is incorrect. DALEK 2: Daleks are supreme. DALEK SEC: No, not anymore. DALEK 2: But that is our purpose. DALEK SEC: Then our purpose is wrong! Where has our quest for supremacy led us? To this. Hiding in the sewers on a primitive world. Just four of us left. If we do not change now then we deserve extinction. DOCTOR: So you want to change everything that makes a Dalek a Dalek. DALEK SEC: If... you can help me. Martha, Tallulah and Frank are in a service lift of the Empire State Building. MARTHA: I always wanted to go to the Empire State. Never imagined it quite like this, though. FRANK: Where are we headed anyway? MARTHA: To the top where they're still building. TALLULAH: How come those guys just let us through? How's that thing work? MARTHA: Psychic paper. Shows them whatever I want them to think. According to this, we're two engineers and an architect. Frank takes the psychic paper and flips the empty paper over in his hands. DALEK SEC: Your knowledge of genetic engineering is even greater than ours. The new race must be ready by the time the solar flare erupts. DOCTOR: But you're the template. I thought they were getting a dose of you. DALEK SEC: I want to change the gene sequence. DOCTOR: To make them even more human? DALEK SEC: Humans are the great survivors. We need that ability. DOCTOR: Hold on a minute. There's no way this lot are gonna let you do it. DALEK SEC: I am their leader. DOCTOR (turns to other Daleks): Oh, and that's enough for you, is it? DALEK 2: Daleks must follow orders. DALEK 1: Dalek Sec commands, we obey. DALEK SEC: If you don't help me... nothing will change. DOCTOR: There's no room on Earth for another race of people. DALEK SEC: You have your TARDIS. Take us across the stars. Find us a new home and allow the new Daleks to start again. DOCTOR: When's that solar flare? DALEK SEC: Eleven minutes. DOCTOR: Right then. Better get to work. Frank, Martha and Tallulah enter the top floor, the room that Diagoras had been using as an office. TALLULAH: Look at this pace. Top of the world. Martha spots the architectural plans. MARTHA: Okay, now this looks good. Frank joins her. FRANK: Hey, look at the date. These designs were issued today. They must've changed something last minute. MARTHA: You mean the Daleks changed something? FRANK: Yeah, could be. MARTHA: The ones underneath, they're from before. That means that whatever they changed must be on this top sheet but not this one. We need to check one against the other. TALLULAH: The height of this place! This is amazing! MARTHA: Careful, we're a hundred floors up. Don't go wandering off. TALLULAH: I just wanna see. Tallulah walks to the open area overlooking the city. TALLULAH: New York City. If aliens had to come to Earth, no wonder they came here. In the lab, the Doctor is checking the equipment and readouts. DOCTOR: There's no point in chromosomal grafting. It's too erratic. You need to split the genome and force the Dalek-human sequence right into the cortex. DALEK SEC: We need more chromatin solution. DALEK 1: The pig slaves have it. The pig slaves walk into the room carrying a large crate. Laszlo is one of them. DOCTOR: These pig slaves, what happens to them in the grand plan? DALEK SEC: Nothing. They're just simple beasts. Their lifespan is limited. None survive beyond a few weeks. Power up the engine feeds. The Doctor spots Laszlo and walks over. DOCTOR: Laszlo, I can't undo what they've done to you, but they won't do it to anyone else. LASZLO: Do you trust him? DOCTOR: I know that one man can change the course of history. One of the Daleks spots them talking. DOCTOR: Right idea in the right place at the right time is all it takes. I've got to believe it's possible. Martha has the plans spread out on the floor and is kneeling, studying them. Frank and Tallulah are standing nearby. FRANK: I'll go and keep an eye out, make sure we're safe up here. Don't want nobody buttin' in. Frank walks out a side door. TALLULAH: There's a hell of a storm movin' in. MARTHA: I wish the Doctor was here. He'd know what we're looking for. TALLULAH: So tell me, where did you and him first hook up? MARTHA: It was in a hospital, sort of. TALLULAH: 'Course, him bein' a doctor. Tallulah kneels beside Martha. MARTHA: Actually, I'm a doctor. Well, kind of. TALLULAH: You're a physician? Martha nods. TALLULAH: Really? MARTHA: I was training. Still am, if I ever get back home. TALLULAH: You could be doctors together. (gasps). What a partnership. Oh, it's such a shame. If only he wasn't so... different. You know what I mean? MARTHA: Oh, you have no idea how different he really is. TALLULAH: Yeah, he's a man, sweetheart. That's different enough. MARTHA: He had this... companion a while back. This friend. And ever since then he's been on his own. But you know, sometimes I say something or do something and he looks at me, and I just sort of think... that he's not seeing me. He's just remembering. TALLULAH: Aw, listen sweetheart. You wanna get all sad? You wanna have a contest with me and Laszlo? MARTHA: No. But listen, if the Doctor's with Laszlo now, there's every chance that he could get him out. TALLULAH: And then what? Don't talk crazy. There's no future for me and him. Those Dalek things took that away. The one good thing I had in my life and they destroyed it. Tallulah stands and walks back to the open area. DALEK 1: The line feeds are ready. The Doctor rushes up to a bunch of tubes and extracts the solution inside with a syringe. DOCTOR: Then it's all systems go. DALEK SEC: The solar flare is imminent. The radiation will reach Earth in a matter of minutes. DOCTOR: We'll be ready for it. The Doctor inserts the syringe into one of the main feeding tubes and injects the solution. DOCTOR: That compound will allow the gene bonds to reconfigure in a brand new pattern. Power up! One of the pig slaves turns on a power switch as does Laszlo. DALEK SEC: Start... the line feeds. One of the Daleks starts the machinery and we see the solution start moving through the tubes. DOCTOR: There goes the gene solution. DALEK SEC: The life blood. The solution starts coursing up to the bodies. MARTHA: Gotcha! Look! Tallulah joins her looking at the plans. MARTHA: There, on the mast. Those little lines? They're new. They've added something, see? TALLULAH: Added what? They look at each other. BOTH: Dalekanium! Martha laughs A klaxon sounds and red warning lights flash. DOCTOR: What's that? DALEK SEC: What's happening? Is there a malfunction? Answer me! DOCTOR: No, no, no. The gene feed! They're overriding the gene feed! The Doctor rushes to the controls in an attempt to fix it. DALEK SEC: Impossible. They cannot disobey orders. DALEK 2: The Doctor will step away from the controls. The Doctor backs away. DALEK SEC: Stop! You will not fire. DALEK 1: He is an enemy of the Daleks. DALEK 2: And so are you. The Daleks have their weapons aimed at the Doctor and Dalek Sec. DALEK SEC: I am your commander. I am Dalek Sec. DALEK 3: You have lost your authority. DALEK 2: You are no longer a Dalek. DOCTOR: What have you done with the gene feed? DALEK 3: The new bodies will be 100% Dalek. DALEK SEC: No. You can't do this! DALEK 2: Pig slaves, restrain Dalek Sec and the Doctor. Two pig slaves grab Dalek Sec and one of the pig slaves that grabs the Doctor is Laszlo. DALEK SEC: Release me. I created you. I am your master. DALEK 2: Solar flare approaching. DALEK 3: Prepare to intercept. The Daleks turn towards the machinery. The lift bell pings. LASZLO: There's the lift. DOCTOR: After you. The Doctor and Laszlo push their way clear and head for the lift. DALEK 2: The Doctor is escaping! Stop him! Stop him! The pig slaves follow but the lift doors are already closing. Inside the lift, Laszlo is leaning against the side, panting heavily. DOCTOR: We've only got minutes before the gamma radiation reaches the Earth. We need to get to the top of the building. Laszlo, what's wrong? LASZLO: Out of breath. It's nothing. We've escaped them, Doctor. That's all that matters. The pig slaves force Dalek Sec to his knees in front of the other Daleks. DALEK SEC: You have betrayed me. DALEK 2: You told us to imagine. DALEK 3: And we imagined your irrelevance. DALEK SEC: I was your leader. I am Dalek Sec. Obey me! Dalek Sec gets to his feet The lift doors open and Martha turns to see the Doctor and Laszlo. MARTHA: Doctor! DOCTOR: First floor, perfumery. TALLULAH: I never thought I'd see you again. Tallulah rushes over to Laszlo and he meets her halfway where they hug. LASZLO: No stopping me. Martha leads the Doctor over to the plans. MARTHA: We worked it out. We know what they've done. There's Dalekanium on the mast. And it's good to see you too, by thy way. DOCTOR: Oh, come here. The Doctor grabs Martha in a big hug and twirls her about. He drops her abruptly as the bell dings and the lift doors close. He runs to try and stop it. DOCTOR: No, no, no. See, never waste time with a hug. He uses the sonic screwdriver on the panel. DOCTOR: It's a deadlock seal. I can't stop it. MARTHA: Where's it going? DOCTOR: Right down to the Daleks. And they're not going to leave us alone up here. What's the time? FRANK: 11:15. DOCTOR: Six minutes to go. I've got to remove the Dalekanium before the gamma radiation hits. TALLULAH: Gammon radiation? What the heck is that? Martha leads he Doctor outside, Tallulah and Laszlo following. The Doctor looks out on the city. DOCTOR: Oh, that's high. That's very... Blimey, that's high. MARTHA: And we've got to go even higher. That's the mast up there, look. There's three pieces of Dalekanium at the base. We've got to get 'em off. DOCTOR: That's not "we". That's just me. MARTHA: I won't just stand here and watch you. DOCTOR: No, you're gonna have your hands full, anyway. I'm sorry, Martha, but you've got to fight. Dalek Sec is sitting on the floor, chained to the wall. DALEK 2: Confirm time until solar intercept. DALEK 1: Gamma strike, four minutes and counting. The Doctor climbs higher up the scaffolding, hanging on as high winds and rain blow around him. He reaches the base of the mast, takes out his sonic screwdriver and uses it on the bolts holding the Dalekanium in place The lift arrives at the lab. DALEK 2: Pig slaves will take the lift. Find the Doctor. Kill him. The pig slaves enter the lift Martha, Laszlo, Frank and Tallulah have picked up makeshift weapons and are facing the lift. MARTHA: The lift's coming up. FRANK: I shoulda brought that gun. LASZLO: Tallulah, stay back. You too, Martha. If they send pig slaves, they're trained to kill. MARTHA: The Doctor needs me to fight. I'm not going anywhere! LASZLO: They're savages. I should know. They're trained to slit your throat with their bare teeth. Laszlo collapses to the floor. TALLULAH: Laszlo? What is it? Laszlo struggles to stand. LASZLO: No, it's nothing. I'm fine. Just leave me. Laszlo falls back to the floor and leans against the wall. Tallulah kneels beside him and puts her hand to his forehead. TALLULAH: Oh, honey, you're burnin' up. What's wrong with you? Tell me. FRANK (to Martha): One man down and we ain't even started yet. [SCENE_BREAK] Shot of the pig slaves in the elevator as it climbs to the top floor. MARTHA: It's not looking good, Frank. FRANK: Nope. Hearing the storm through the open end of the room gives Martha an idea. MARTHA: Wait a minutes. Lightening. She runs to the other end of the room. The Doctor is still struggling with the Dalekanium. He pulls off one panel and moves to the second. Martha and Frank are arranging long metal rods from the outside across the room to the lift, making sure they don't touch the floor. Tallulah is with Laszlo. TALLULAH (sweetly): Aw, you'll be all right, sweetheart. Don't you worry. (To Martha and Frank): What the hell are you two clowns doin'? MARTHA: Even if the Doctor stops the Dalekanium, this place is still gonna get hit. Great big bolt of lightening, electricity all down this building. Connect this to the lift and they get zapped. TALLULAH: Oh my God, that could work. FRANK: Then give us a hand. DALEK 2: Gamma strike imminent. DALEK 3: In 40 rels. 39... 38... 37... The Doctor is still working on the second panel when the sonic screwdriver slips from his fingers and over the edge. The Doctor leans over and sees that it's gone. Martha and Frank have finished their handiwork. TALLULAH: Is that gonna work? MARTHA: It's got to. FRANK: I've got it all piped up to the scaffolding outside. MARTHA: Come here, Frank and sit in the middle and don't touch anything metal. The Doctor tries to pull off the panel with his bare hands, grunting with effort. DALEK 3: 12... 11... 10... The Doctor, knowing there's no way he can get the panels off in time, stands and looks up to the sky. Martha, Frank, Tallulah and Laszlo huddle in the corner of the room. The lift with the pig slaves passes the 95th floor. The Doctor climbs the mast and wraps his arms about it, clinging tight. The lift arrives and the doors slide open. DALEK 3: Zero. Gamma strike! A bolt of lightening strikes the mast coursing down it and through the Doctor who screams. The lightening passes along the pipes to the lift, striking the pig slaves. The Doctor clings to the mast, still screaming. The pig slaves begin to fall Energy charges down the whole of the Empire State Building and into the lab. DALEK 2: The army awakes. The bodies begin to lower and as they revive, they push off the shrouds. Martha, Frank, Tallulah and Laszlo open their eyes and see the dead pig slaves in the lift. Martha is the first to run over. Frank puts his arm over her shoulders. TALLULAH: You did it, Martha. MARTHA: They used to be like Laszlo. They were people and I killed 'em. LASZLO: No, the Daleks killed them. Long ago. MARTHA: What about the Doctor? Martha rushes outside. A line of human Daleks impassively faces their creators. Dalek 2 questions the man who used to be foreman. DALEK 2: You will identify. FOREMAN: I... am... a Dalek. DALEK 3: Excellent. DALEK 1: Begin the invasion of Manhattan. The population will be converted to Daleks. DALEK 2: And from this island we will conquer the world. DALEK 3: Assume battle positions. Take arms. The human-form Daleks march past a rack containing guns and each takes one. Up by the mast, the Doctor is lying on his back unconscious when Martha and Frank find him. MARTHA: Doctor! Doctor! (Kneels beside him). Look what we found halfway down. (She has the sonic screwdriver). You're getting careless. DOCTOR (groans): Oh my head. MARTHA (relieved): Hiya. DOCTOR: Hi. You survived then. MARTHA: So did you. Just about. I can't help noticing... There's Dalekanium still attached. The Doctor gets up. The human Daleks march through the sewers. DALEK 2: War demands strategy. I am designated controller. DALEK SEC: That was to be my position. DALEK 1: You are unfit. DALEK 2: Connect me to the military computer. I will coordinate all units. DOCTOR: The Daleks will have gone straight to a war footing. They'll be using the sewers, spreading their soldiers out underneath Manhattan. LASZLO: How do we stop them? DOCTOR: There's only one chance. I got in the way. That gamma strike went zapping though me first. MARTHA: But what does that mean? DOCTOR: We need to draw fire. Before they can attack New York, I need to face them. Think, think, think, think. We need some sort of space, somewhere safe, somewhere out of the way. Tallulah! TALLULAH: That's me. Three L's and an H. DOCTOR: The theatre! It's right above them, and, what, it's gone midnight? Can you get us inside? TALLULAH: Don't see why not. DOCTOR: Is there another lift? MARTHA: We came up in the service elevator. DOCTOR: That'll do. Allons-y! Dalek 2 is hooked up to the battle computer, wires connected to its casing. DALEK 1: Report status. DALEK 2: Maximum efficiency. I am now ready for full-scale war. DALEK 1: Control over Dalek-humans? DALEK 2: Connection confirmed. All soldiers will take heed. In the sewers, the Dalek-humans stand to attention. DALEK 2: All weapons will be primed. All the soldiers prime their weapons. The Doctor, Martha, Frank, Tallulah and Laszlo arrive at the darkened theatre. DOCTOR: This should do it. Here we go. The Doctor switches on the sonic screwdriver. TALLULAH: There ain't nothin' more creepy than a theatre in the dark. Listen, Doctor, I know you got a thing for showtunes, but there's a time and place, hunh? Laszlo falls into one of the chairs beside her. TALLULAH: Laszlo, what's wrong? She sits next to him. LASZLO: Nothing. It's just so hot. TALLULAH: But... it's freezing in here. Doctor, what's happening to him? The Doctor is listening to the sonic screwdriver, checking its frequency. DOCTOR: Not now, Tallulah. Sorry. MARTHA: What are you doing? DOCTOR: If the Daleks are going to war, they'll wanna find their number one enemy. I'm just telling them where I am. The Doctor holds up the sonic screwdriver and turns it on. DALEK 2: Sonic device detected! DALEK 1: The Doctor survived. DALEK 3: Find him and exterminate! DOCTOR: I'm telling you to go. Frank can take you back to Hooverville. MARTHA: And I'm telling you I'm not going. DOCTOR: Martha, that's an order. MARTHA: Who are you, then? Some sort of Dalek? The doors to the theatre burst open and the human Daleks arrive, flanking them. TALLULAH: Oh, my God! Well I guess that's them then, hunh? MARTHA: Humans... with Dalek DNA. Frank moves to attack them but the Doctor pulls him back. DOCTOR: It's all right. Just stay calm. Don't antagonize them. LASZLO: But what about the Dalek masters? Where are they? DALEK 2: Doctor located. Advance. Advance. There is an explosion on stage and the Doctor and the others duck behind the seats for cover. The Doctor peers over the seats, and, as the smoke clears, we see Daleks 1 and 3 with Dalek Sec chained and walking on all fours. The Doctor stands slowly and the others peek over the chairs. DALEK 1: The Doctor will stand before the Daleks. The Doctor steps over a chair and walks forward on the backs of the rows until he reaches the front row. DALEK 1: You will die, Doctor. It is the beginning of a new age. DALEK 3: Planet Earth will become New Skaro. DOCTOR: Oh, and what a world. With anything just the slightest bit different ground into the dirt. That's Dalek Sec. Don't you remember? The cleverest Dalek ever and look what you've done to him. Is that your new empire? Hmm? Is that the foundation for a whole new civilization? DALEK SEC: My Daleks... just understand this. If you choose death and destruction, then death and destruction will choose you. DALEK 1: Incorrect. We will always survive. DALEK 3: Now we will destroy our greatest enemy, the Doctor. DALEK SEC: But he can help you. DALEK 1: The Doctor must die. DALEK SEC: No, I beg you, don't. Dalek Sec crawls in front of Dalek 1. DALEK 3: Exterminate! Dalek Sec stands just as Dalek 1 fires. He dies instantly. DOCTOR (disgusted): Your own leader. The only creature who might have led you out of the darkness and you destroyed him. (Turns to human Daleks). Do you see what they did? Huh? You see what a Dalek really is? DALEK 2: Warning. Dalek-Humans show increased levels of seratonin. DOCTOR: If I'm gonna die, let's give the new boys a shot. What do you think, eh? The Dalek-Humans. Their first blood. Go on, baptize them. The Doctor holds his arms out to his sides. DALEK 1: Dalek-Humans, take aim. The Dalek-Humans cock their weapons and aim them at the Doctor. DOCTOR: What are you waiting for? Give the command! DALEK 3: Exterminate! The Doctor closes his eyes and Martha ducks her head against Frank's chest. Nothing happens. DALEK 3: Exterminate! Still nothing happens. DALEK 1: Obey. Dalek-Humans will obey. MARTHA: Not firing. (To Doctor): What have you done? DALEK 3: You will obey. Exterminate. FOREMAN: Why? The Doctor looks at the former foreman. DALEK 1: Daleks do not question orders. FOREMAN: But why? DALEK 1: You will stop this. FOREMAN: But... why? DALEK 1: You must not question. FOREMAN: But you are not our master. And we... we are not Daleks. DOCTOR: No, you're not, and you never will be. (To Daleks): Sorry, I got in the way of the lightening strike. Time Lord DNA got all mixed up. Just that little bit of freedom. DALEK 3: If they will not obey, then they must die. Dalek 3 shoots the foreman. DOCTOR: Get down! They all duck behind the seats and both factions fire on each other. DALEKS: Exterminate! Exterminate! DALEK 2: Destroy the hybrids. Destroy. DALEKS: Exterminate! Dalek 3 is blown up. DALEK 1: Extermin... Dalek 1 is blown up. The human Daleks stop firing. Frank, Martha, Tallulah and Laszlo stand. The Doctor goes over to one of the hybrids. DOCTOR: It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. You did it. You're free. DALEK 2: The Dalek-Humans are failures. Destruct! Destruct! Destruct! All the hybrids grip their heads and scream in pain. DOCTOR: No! The human Daleks crumble to the ground. DOCTOR: They can't! They can't! They can't! Martha joins him beside one of the bodies. MARTHA: What happened? What was that? DOCTOR: They killed 'em. Rather than let them live. An entire species. Genocide. LASZLO: Only two of the Daleks have been destroyed. One of the Dalek masters must still be alive. The Doctor stands. DOCTOR: Oh, yes. In the whole universe, just one. The Dalek is still connected to the battle computer. The Doctor enters at the other end of the room. DOCTOR: Now what? DALEK: You will be exterminated. DOCTOR: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just think about it, Dalek... What was your name? DALEK CAAN: Dalek Caan. DOCTOR (walks forward): Dalek Caan. Your entire species has been wiped out. And now the Cult of Skaro has been eradicated. Leaving only you. Right now you're facing the only man in the universe who might show you some compassion. 'Cause I've just seen one genocide. I won't cause another. Caan... let me help you. What do you say? DALEK CAAN: Emergency Temporal Shift! Dalek Caan disappears leaving wires hanging and a very angry Doctor who charges too late. Martha and Tallulah enter helping to support Laszlo. MARTHA: Doctor! Doctor! He's sick. Laszlo is breathing heavily, wheezing. They lower him to the floor, Tallulah cradling him on her lap. MARTHA: It's okay. You're all right. The Doctor approaches them and kneels. MARTHA: It's his heart. It's racing like mad. I've never seen anything like it. TALLULAH: What is it, Doctor? What's the matter with him? He says he can't breathe? What is it? LASZLO: It's time, sweetheart. TALLULAH: What do you mean "time"? What are you talking about? LASZLO: None of the slaves... survive for long. Most of them only live a few weeks. I was lucky. I held on 'cause I had you. But now... I'm dyin', Tallulah. TALLULAH: No you're not. Not now, after all this. Doctor, can't you do somethin'? DOCTOR: Oh, Tallulah with three Ls and an H... just you watch me. (The Doctor stands and takes off his coat). What do I need? Oh, I don't know. How about a great big genetic laboratory? Oh look, I've got one. Laszlo, just you hold on. (The Doctor runs about the lab, mixing up a solution, talking all the while). There's been too many deaths today. Way too many people have died. Brand new creatures and wise old men and age-old enemies. And I'm tellin' you, I'm tellin' you right now, I am not having one more death! Got that? Not one! Tallulah, out of the way. (The Doctor takes a stethoscope out of his pock and puts it on). The Doctor is in. HOOVERVILLE An arial shot of Central Park. The Doctor, Martha, Tallulah, and Laszlo, bundled in an overcoat and hat, are waiting by a park bench. Frank joins them. FRANK: Well I talked to 'em and I told 'em what Solomon would've said and I reckon I shamed one or two of 'em. DOCTOR: What did they say? FRANK: They said yes. Tallulah hugs Laszlo. FRANK: They'll give you a home, Laszlo. I mean, uh, don't imagine people ain't gonna stare. I can't promise you'll be at peace but, in the end, that is what Hooverville is for, people who ain't got nowhere else. LASZLO: Thank you. I... I can't thank you enough. LIBERTY ISLAND Back on Liberty Island, Martha and the Doctor are looking out at the Manhattan skyline. MARTHA: Do you reckon it's gonna work, those two? DOCTOR: I don't know. Anywhere else in the universe, I might worry about them, but New York, that's what this city's good at. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, and maybe the odd pig-slave-Dalek-mutant-hybrid too. MARTHA (laughs): The pig and the showgirl. DOCTOR (smiles): The pig and the showgirl. MARTHA: Just proves it, I suppose. There's someone for everyone. The Doctor's smile disappears. DOCTOR: Maybe. The Doctor walks to the TARDIS and Martha follows. MARTHA (sighs): Meant to say... sorry. DOCTOR: What for? MARTHA: Just 'cause that Dalek got away. I know what that means to you. Think you'll ever see it again? The Doctor unlocks the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Oh yes. Martha enter and the Doctor pauses in the doorway. DOCTOR: One day. The Doctor goes inside and closes the door.	Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who frees Martha from the Daleks' laboratory? A: the Daleks' laboratory; Q: Where were the humans kidnapped? A: mind-wiped humans; Q: What do the Daleks plan to implant with Dalek ideas and Dalek DNA? A: gamma radiation; Q: What is the Daleks plan to use to create a new stage of Dalek evolution? A: emotions; Q: What does Sec want to give to the new Dalek humans? A: Dalek humans; Q: Who betrays and kills two of the remaining Daleks? A: murder Sec; Q: What did the Daleks do to Sec? A: the Empire State Building's mast; Q: Where is the gamma strike that the Daleks plan to use to implant humans with Dalek DNA? A: Time Lord DNA; Q: What does the Doctor add to the Dalek human army? A: Caan; Q: Who destroys the Dalek army and escapes from the Doctor? Summary: The Doctor frees a party of kidnapped humans including Martha from the Daleks' laboratory. The Daleks plan to implant mind-wiped humans with Dalek ideas and Dalek DNA to create a new stage of Dalek evolution, powered by a strike of gamma radiation conducted by the Empire State Building . Sec hopes to give emotions to this new race of Dalek humans after emotions were originally removed from the Daleks. The other Daleks betray and murder Sec, as this action would no longer make Daleks "supreme". The Doctor interferes with the gamma strike on the Empire State Building's mast, adding Time Lord DNA to the awakened Dalek human army controlled by Dalek Caan. The Dalek humans betray and kill two of the remaining Daleks, and Caan destroys the army and escapes from the Doctor.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Wesley: "We've all discussed it and none of us are ready just yet to..." Angel: "It's okay. I don't want you to come back and work for me. I wanna work for you." Angel slices Lindsey's hand off to keep him from burning the scroll that holds Cordy's cure. Angel: "I'd be careful who you offer that hand to, Mr. Manners. You might just lose it. Isn't that right, Lindsey?" Lindsey: "There's worse things to lose, aren't there?" Lilah: "The senior partners want Angel alive." Lindsey: "Boo-hoo! Let me wipe away the tears with my plastic hand." Lindsey: "If he's not gonna play by the old rules, why should we?" Lindsey runs Angel over with the truck. Lindsey beating on Angel with the sledgehammer. Angel knocking Lindsey down then smashing his plastic hand with Lindsey's sledge. Lindsey is lying in bed. The alarm clock radio (showing 6:45 am) comes on with a downtown traffic report (suggesting you better take the helicopter to work) and weather forecast (sunny, bright and beautiful). Lindsey reaches over and hits the top of it with the stump of his right arm, turning it off. Using his left hand, Lindsey shaves in front of the mirror. He opens a dresser drawer and attaches his plastic hand. Opens the closet and chooses one of several pre-knotted ties and slips it over his head. As he slides the knot tight his eyes fall on the guitar leaning against the back wall of the closet. After a moment he steps back and closes the closet. Joseph Kramer: "Am I a lucky guy or what? I get to meet with the board and get the quarterlies out all in the same day." We see an average white business man enter the family's kitchen as he tightens his tie. His wife steps up to him to get a quick kiss on the cheek. Wife: "Morning, sweetie. Hungry?" Joseph: "Hmm, no time." Wife lifts up a plate with muffins. Wife: "Ah, have a muffin." Joseph breaks of a little piece from one of them and steps over to the kitchen table. Joseph: "Where's my sugar?" He holds out his arms and his young daughter comes and gives him a hug as he crouches down so she can reach his neck. His son comes over, holding out his hand. Joseph takes it. Joseph: "And a manly handshake. (Pulls him into a quick hug) Come here." Joseph checks his watch: "Oh. We're late. We're late." Wife: "I'll go start the van. Jesse, you can take your vitamins in the car. Hayley, don't forget your homework. (Grabs her purse form the counter) Come on. Lets go." The kids walk out the door. Joseph is liking off his fingers, reading the newspaper he's holding in his other hand. Wife's voice form outside: "Hayley, where are your books?" Joseph sees the book bag on the kitchen table and reaches for it. Joseph: "I got them!" Wife: "And the vitamins?" Joseph: "I got them, too. Just keep going." Joseph slings the book bag over his shoulder and still reading his newspaper, reaches for the vitamins sitting on the counter. Instead his hand closes around a big butcher knife lying next to them. Still reading, Joseph picks it up and starts walking towards the door. Son: "Come on, dad, we're gonna be late!" Never taking his eyes off the newspaper he stabs himself in the right eye with the knife. The scene turns blurry and we see Cordy reeling with the vision of Joseph stabbing himself. She tries to catch herself against the bookshelf, but only succeeds in knocking some books to the floor. Angel comes rushing over: "Cordelia. Cordelia. Cordy!" He catches a hold of her and looks up at Wesley and Gunn, who are also hurrying over. Angel: "Get her some water." Gunn hurries off and Wesley and Angel crouch down beside Cordy. Angel: "Okay. What is it? What did you see?" We get more flashes of Joseph screaming, the book bag dropping to the floor, the bloody butcher knife. Gasping and sobbing Cordy buries her face against Angel's chest, as Joseph drops facedown to the floor. Angel: "Easy. Easy. You're okay." Intro Wolfram and Hart, day. Nathan Reed is sitting at the head of a conference table with fourteen lawyers, including Lindsey and Lilah. Nathan: "Where are we with Western Pacific Power?" Lawyer: "The attorney general is threatening a thorough investigation." Nathan: "I know. That's why I'm asking, where are we with Western Pacific Power." Lilah: "We can tie it up in litigation forever, sir. They'll never miss a dividend." Lindsey: "Why should we? They already looted 3.5 billion since de-regulation." Nathan: "Are you suggesting that our clients admit that, Mr. McDonald?" Lilah: "That's a great idea. They can come clean, and go to jail and pay us how?" Lindsey: "Litigation is bad PR for public utility. We cut a deal now, they refund half a billion without admitting fault and we take twenty percent off the top, everybody wins." Nathan: "I'll consider both options. And the current status of Angel?" Lindsey: "Angel? - He's up, he's down. - He's good, he's bad. He's a barrel of dead monkeys..." Lilah: "He's back with his group, sir. According to my sources he's doing better, in the sense that he's not currently spending all of his time alone on the warpath trying to kill, well (looks over at Lindsey) us." Nathan: "Hmm. - Now, when are you and Lindsey meeting with the CFO from Lycor?" Lilah flips through her papers. Lilah: "Oh, uhm, I think it's..." Lindsey: "Thursday at eleven." Nathan: "Good. - Friday we will be re-evaluating your division. You two can catch me up then. Let's get to work." Nathan gets up and everyone follows suit. Lilah to Lindsey: "Could you stab me in my back a little deeper? I still have feeling in my legs." Lindsey: "Lilah..." Lilah: "They're gonna be evaluating us and you know what that means. They'll promote one and cut the other. Around here, that's a literal cutting." Lindsey: "Well, nothing lasts forever." Lilah: "That's deep. Why don't you go..." Nathan: "Oh, Lindsey. Why don't you join me in my office?" Lilah watches Lindsey enter Nathan's office with a sigh and stands there watching them through the glass walls. Nathan: "Lindsey, you had some good ideas in there." Lindsey: "Thank you, sir." Nathan: "We are in a funny business, but one word of advice - about your attitude towards Angel - now I realize what he did to you was (we get a close up of Lindsey's plastic hand) heartless. And naturally your attitude towards him would be complex, but - it's not very professional to air those feelings around your colleagues. (Lays a hand on Lindsey's shoulder as Lilah watches with a frown from outside the office) People look up to you around here. - Which reminds me (pulls out a little card) I made - an appointment for you today. (Lindsey takes the card) It'll take a while - so I cleared your calendar." Lindsey as Nathan leads him to the door: "An appointment." Nathan: "Yes, well, just a, uhm - well. You'll see." Smiles at Lindsey and opens the door for him. Cordy is sitting on a chair with the three guys arrayed in front of her. Cordy: "He had to be crazy. But he didn't feel crazy. He felt normal, you know? - Until he started stabbing himself." Wesley: "But you don't know where this occurred." Cordy: "I told you. It was in a house. It could have been in an apartment. In a kitchen." Gunn: "We got to narrow it down a little." Cordy: "An nice kitchen?! I don't know!" Angel: "It's alright. We'll figure it out." Wesley: "Let's start by calling the hospitals." Gunn: "And say what? Did my uncle check in with a knife in his eye? They only give out information to relatives. (Angel and Wes look at him) I just got the calling the hospitals job, didn't I?" Wesley: "I'll go to the morgues." Angel: "Alright. I'll hit the streets, roust some demons, see if there's a new terror in town." Wesley getting his jacket: "Good idea." Angel to Gunn as he gets his own jacket: "Keep an eye on her, will you?" Gunn: "Sure." Angel goes over to where Cordy is sitting and puts a hand on her arm. Angel: "We'll be back." Angel leaves. Gunn: "Can I, ah, get you anything? A cup of tea? (Cordy gives him a look) You'll let me know." Gunn sits down at the counter with the phonebook and a notepad, throws a look over his shoulder at Cordy, now is sitting in her chair, one hand pressed up against her forehead, her hair obscuring her face. A nurse is taking Lindsey's blood pressure, as a Doctor enters the room. Melman: "Lindsey. I'm Doctor Melman. It's a pleasure to meet you." Holds his hand out and shakes the left hand Lindsey offers him. Lindsey: "Hi." Melman takes the cart from the nurse. Melman: "Let's see. Okay. Your basic vitals are good. You've had all the usual childhood diseases and your not allergic to any medication. Let's start him out with two milligrams of Verset. It's a little something to relax you before we begin the procedure. Do you have any questions?" Lindsey: "One. What the hell's going on?" Melman: "Your boss didn't tell you." Lindsey: "No." Melman: "They have a funny sense of humor over there." Lindsey: "Yeah, they keep us hopping." Melman: "Your firm is a major source of funding for our clinic. We see most of you for your primary care and whatnot, but - there are some other, less publicized aspects of our work." Lindsey: "What the hell are they gonna do to me?" Melman: "Please, don't - don't be alarmed. They think the world of you. - That's why they moved you to the top of their transplant list." Lindsey: "Transplant." The nurse hands Melman a syringe. Melman: "Yes, your hand. That's why you're here. We're gonna give you a new one. (He injects Lindsey) Don't look so nervous. This is cause for applause. In just a few hours time, you'll be doing the applauding." Lindsey blinks woozily as the medication takes effect. Blurry, slightly shaky picture of an operating room from the view of the patient alternate with clear shots of it. Melman: "Let's get the soft tissue ready for incision." Someone hands the doctor a human hand. Melman: "Connecting the extensors." Someone hands him a pair of snips. Melman: "Doing great, Lindsey. - Where is the Pockla?" Melman is putting in the last stiches. Melman: "Release the tourniquet. - I'm waiting on the Pockla." Nurse: "Here it comes." A red robbed figure with long-fingered, claw-tipped hands suddenly materializes just inside the room and glides closer to the operation table whispering in some demonic language and waving its hands. It sprinkles some powder over the seam between Lindsey's arm and the new hand and the stitches pull together and melt away, leaving only a thin red line behind. The Pockla turns away and glides towards the closed door, dematerializing just before it reaches it. Melman: "Okay. Let's get him to post-op." Shot of the outside of the Hyperion at night. Gunn is sitting at the counter, talking to the phone while Cordy is cleaning the shelves in the background. Gunn: "Yeah, he's my father his name is Henry Addison." In front of him is a list of hospital names, all crossed out. Gunn: "Yeah, I'm his son, Gunn-ter, Gunter Addison. - But-but if he's had a manic episode he might not know his name or might think he's somebody else. - It'd be a pretty serious knife wound or wounds in his eye. - You sure? - Alright. Thanks." Gunn hangs up the phone as Angel walks up to the counter. Angel: "How's she doing?" Gunn looks over his shoulder at Cordy dusting the top of a cabinet. Gunn: "She's been pretty quiet. She grunted every once around noon then got on with the maniacal cleaning." Wesley comes in: "Guess what I found? More nothing than usual. How about you two?" Gunn holds up the pad with the scratched out hospital names and Wesley looks over at Angel. Angel: "Nothing." Wesley: "We need more to go on." Angel quietly: "Yeah, well, we'll just have to, you know, talk to Cordelia. Get her to..." Gunn: "Dig a little deeper?" Wesley claps Angel on the shoulder. Wesley: "Go ahead. Probably best not to crowd her." Angel: "Me? You're the one in charge now." Wesley sighs: "You're right." He starts to walk past Angel. Wesley: "That's why I'm assigning this one to you." Wesley and Gunn walk away from the counter, leaving Angel alone, looking at Cordelia. Throwing a glance at them, Angel steps around the counter towards Cordelia while Wesley and Gunn watch from the other end of the lobby. Angel: "Hey." Cordy slows in the polishing of the black and white picture hanging on the wall but doesn't turn around. Angel: "Boy, I mean, you could see your reflection in that glass. - Well, I mean, I couldn't because of the whole - vampire situation, but a normal person? (whistles)" Cordy sighs, her back to him: "What do you want?" Angel quietly: "We need help. We're not getting anywhere." Cordy looking down at her rag: "I'm sorry. He's probably dead by now." Angel stepping a little closer: "We don't know that for sure. There could be others." Cordy rubs her forehead: "I wish it would stop hurting. (Turns around to face Angel) What do you want me to do?" Angel: "I'm not exactly sure. - Maybe you can - look again? You know, inside." Cordy: "That's all I've been doing - all day." She walks away from Angel over to her desk, rubbing her forehead. Angel throws a look at Wesley and Gunn. Cordy holds up a hand and closes her eyes. Cordy: "A guy in a kitchen. (flash to Joseph coming into the kitchen) A normal guy. - And he picks up a knife (Flash of Joseph picking up the knife) and... (flash of Joseph stabbing himself in the right eye on his way outside while still reading his newspaper) Oh, god. I think he had kids." Flash on the kitchen table. Angel: "How do you know that?" Cordy: "Cereal bowls - on the table, and, uhm, there was a book bag. (Flash to Joseph picking up the bag, then of the bloody knife and blood spattered bag dropping to the floor) It has a name of a school on it. Ah, D-something. Delaney, or, uh... (opens her eyes and looks at Angel) Delancy Schools." Angel: "That's good. That's great. - Anything else?" Cordy puts her hands to the sides of her head, then moves them to cover her face as we get another flash of Joseph dropping to the floor face down, a trail of blood running down the side of his face from his right eye. Cordy: "I just keep seeing it." Angel: "Okay. Get some rest. Wesley and Gunn'll look into it first thing in the morning." Cordy nods. Angel: "Can I get you anything?" Cordy: "Why does everyone keep asking me that?!" Angel slowly backs away shaking his head a little. Angel: "No reason." Morning. Lindsey is waking up in his bed. Looks at his left hand and flexes it. Pulls his right hand out from under the covers and looks at the thin red line circling his wrist, flexing his new hand slowly. The radio comes on and Lindsey reaches out with his new hand and turns it off. Lindsey catches the water from the bathroom faucet in both palms and washes off his face. Looks at himself in the mirror. He gets a tie out of the closet and sees his guitar. Lindsey sits on the edge of his bed, holding the guitar. He flexes his right hand above the strings, then begins to pick at them experimentally, starts to play. Lindsey is shaking hands with the CFO from Lycor, Nathan Reed standing next to them as Lilah walks up them. Nathan: "Oh, and here is Lilah Morgan. Mr. Kraigle." Irv Kraigle shakes her hand: "Lilah. Nice to see you." Nathan: "You guys can use my office, and, Irv, call me if you need anything. You're in - good hands, here." Walks away with a smile. Lindsey: "We can go in now, Mr. Kraigle." Irv: "Oh, please, call me Irv." Lindsey: "Thank you, Irv." Lilah takes Lindsey aside and indicates his new right hand. Lilah: "That's an expensive operation. The shaman alone's a quarter mil? I guess they like you. They really, really like you." Lindsey: "Client's waiting." Lilah: "I know you think you have this in the bag..." Lindsey: "I don't think anything - Lilah." Lilah: "Oh, you're the one in pain here? (Shakes her head) I can't believe they chose you over me." Irv: "We didn't do anything wrong." Lilah: "It's not about right or wrong, Mr. Kraigle, it's about what a jury may or may not award." Irv: "How can you get cancer from eating chocolate?" The three of them are sitting at the conference table in Nathan Reed's office. Irv at the head with Lilah and Lindsey at either side of him. Lindsey is scribbling on the note pad in front of him without looking down at it. Lindsey: "By selling it in a tin that leaches cytoclistomine into the chocolate." Irv: "But we didn't know that. How could we have known that? The Chinese screwed us. They sold us the tin." Lilah: "Don't worry. If a jury ever hears this, and that's a big if, they'll be handpicked or enchanted by us." Irv: "Why can't people take responsibility for their own problems? We didn't give them cancer, the Chinese did." Lindsey: "Actually it was the Drizon company." Irv: "Who?" Lindsey: "It's an offshore corporation that split from your company, oh, (looks over at Lilah) let's say six years ago. (Lilah nods) They are solely responsible for the manufacture and sale of the tin containers your company merely fills with chocolate." Irv checks something in the papers in front of him, then sits back in his chair. Irv: "Really." Lindsey: "The plaintiffs want redress, they sue Drizon. Unfortunately they're going bankrupt this summer." Irv sees that Lindsey is still writing on the pad in front of him. Irv: "Are you getting all this down?" Lindsey looks down with a frown and sees that his right hand is writing 'KILL' over and over onto the note pad. Irv to Lilah: "He's good, isn't he?" Lilah smiles at him. Lilah: "Yeah. He's great." Lindsey is staring down at his hand as it continues to write 'KILL.' Break. Irv: "Well, this is very helpful. Very - comforting. We're not doing anything unlawful here, are we?" Lindsey opens the fingers of his right hand and lets the pen drop, then takes a hold of his right hand with his left. Lilah: "No. And more importantly, we're preserving your company." Lindsey gets up, taking the notepad with him. Lindsey: "Ahem, I have to go." Irv: "Something wrong?" Lilah: "No. No. Nothing is wrong." Lindsey sits at a desk in his apartment, pen to paper, waiting for his hand to start writing on its own. It doesn't move and he pokes it with his left forefinger. Nothing happens, so he pokes it again. When it still doesn't move he finally picks up a letter opener and pricks it with it. Some blood beads up but the hand doesn't move. Lindsey finally drops the pen and takes the letter opener in his right, turning it a few times before letting it drop as well. Holds up his new hand and looks at it: "Who are you?" Hyperion, day. Inside the lobby Angel accepts a box from a delivery guy, handing him some money. Angel: "Thanks. Keep the change." Delivery guy on his way out: "Wow. A whole dollar just for me. I'm the luckiest delivery man ever." Angel turns to look as the door closes behind the guy then goes and sets the box on the counter. Cordy from her desk: "What's all this?" Angel: "Lunch. I was hungry." He sets wrapped sandwiches out in a row on the counter top. Cordy gets up and comes over. Cordy: "You don't eat food." Angel: "Oh, I can. It doesn't keep me alive, but, you know, sometimes I get a hankering." Cordy: "You had a hankering for turkey, ham and roast beef sandwiches?" Angel points to one: "You missed the vegetarian." Cordy: "Soup and salad, too? What is going on here?" Angel quietly: "I forgot what you liked." Cordy: "Why didn't you ask me?" Angel: "Well, you said, why is everyone asking you if they can get you anything, and-and I didn't wanna do that..." Cordy: "So you did this - instead." Angel quietly: "Yup." Cordy: "I love you." Angel's worried look melts into a big smile as Cordy picks up two sandwiches. Cordy: "And you ought to do that more often." Goes back to her desk. Angel: "Buy you food?" Cordy: "Smile." She reaches her desk and hunches over as she has a flash of Joseph stuffing a piece of muffin into his mouth while reading the paper. Angel comes over to her: "What?" Cordy: "Okay, this is weird. Before he put the knife in his eye he was happy. He was happy about his eye. Like it was new or - something." Angel: "New?" Wesley and Gunn walk in. Wesley: "I think we found him. A man named Joseph Kramer, has two kids, age twelve and nine, they go to the Delancy School." Gunn: "The kids didn't show up for school yesterday. Their mom called sayin' she was taking them out of the country. Their father supposedly got a promotion in the Seychelles." Angel putting on his coat: "Did you get a home address?" Wesley: "We've already been there. I stood look-out, Gunn went in." Angel: "And?" Gunn: "No trace of the family or any personal belongings. The place had been cleaned from top to bottom. The floors was polished, the carpet was still wet." Angel: "To get rid of the blood." Gunn: "There was a little piece of molding they missed up under the pantry." Gunn pulls a piece of blood-smeared wood out of his pocket and holds it out to Angel. Gunn: "You want to sniff?" Angel reaches out and gently pushes his hand down: "How about I just believe you, huh?" Wesley: "What do we know?" Cordy: "We don't know anything. The guy's gone, the family's gone. Someone or something has the power to make them all disappear in a day." Gunn: "We're at a dead end." Wesley sits down on the edge of the desk: "I thought we had more than that." Angel: "There is only we can do now." Cordy: "Oh, god. Oh, no." Wesley: "The Karaoke bar." Gunn: "Angel's gonna sing?" Cordy: "Isn't there some other way?" Wesley: "There has to be. Think, damn it!" Angel looks form one to the other: "Hey! Wha..?" The Host is smiling, watching a guy up on the stage playing guitar and singing. It's Lindsey. Lindsey: "Pretty girl on every corner. Sunshine turns the sky to gold. Warm, warm, it's always warm here. And I can't take the cold." Cordy and the others come walking in. Cordy: "You should pick something short." Angel: "I was thinking about Stairway to Heaven." Wesley: "Don't even joke about that." Cordy: "Oh, my god, look who's..." Angel: "Lindsey?" Lindsey on stage: "This whole world shines so brightly." Host comes over to them: "Isn't he fabulous?" Angel: "He comes here?" Host: "He used to come all the time before some caballero chopped off his strumming hand. - Looks like he's got a new one." Lindsey: "Pretty as a picture, she's..." Cordy: "Wow. He's good." Gunn: "Lawyer's got some pipes." Lindsey: "Settles me with love and laughter." Angel: "You think he's good." Cordy never taking her eyes off Lindsey: "Shh." Lindsey: "and I can't feel a thing." Gunn nods to the music as Angel looks up at the ceiling. Lindsey: "The sky's gonna open. People gonna pray and crawl." Several demons are watching Lindsey up on the stage, smiling, tapping their hands to the music. Lindsey: "It's gonna rain down fire..." Angel: "What is that? Rock? Country? Ballad? Pick a style, pal." Wesley: "Shh." Host: "Angel cakes. Don't make me ask you to leave." Lindsey: "The sky is gonna open, people gonna pray and sing. Oh, I can't feel..." He ends the song with a chord and the audience starts to applaud and cheer. Cordy is clapping as well, eyes still fixed on Lindsey. Angel looks form Cordy to Gunn, who's nodding his head. Cordy: "We can't sing after that." Host: "You won't have to." Cordy looks over at Angel as the host meets Lindsey halfway from the stage carrying two drinks. Host: "Golly, pilgrim. Sure is good to have you back in the saddle. (Hands Lindsey one of the drinks) Your favorite. T&T, the imported." Lindsey takes the drink but only smells it. Lindsey: "Look, I got a crazy man's hand here who wants to kill - someone, maybe me, I don't know. What do you see?" Host leading him over towards where the A-team is standing: "Well, you know what they say: the hand is quicker than the eye. You'll get that later." Lindsey: "Look. I need help." Angel: "I'll say. You might want to start with his singing." Laughs. Cordy slaps the back of her hand against Angel's chest and steps up to Lindsey. Cordy: "Hi. You probably don't remember me. Cordelia. I know you're evil - and everything, but that was just so amazing." Gunn: "That was kind of tight." Wesley: "Terrific, really." Angel: "Is everyone drunk?" Lindsey: "What's he doing here, huh? (To Angel) What are you looking at?" Host: "Easy, easy, children. I don't allow violence in my club. Angel's here for the same reason you are." Lindsey: "How's that?" Host: "Two enemies, one case, all come together in a beautiful buddy-movie kind of way." Gunn: "They supposed to work together on this?" Lindsey: "Work with him? (Host nods) Work with him?" Host: "Am I the only one who saw 'Forty-eight Hours?'" Lindsey: "I've got a murderous hand on me and you're telling me to team up with the guy who cut mine off in the first place?" Host: "I'm telling you what's what, sugar. What you do with it is up to you." Lindsey huffs, takes a sip from his drink before setting down on the bar and walking out past Angel. Lindsey to Angel: "If I see outside of the club, I'm gonna kill you." Host: "Uh, resentment is such an ugly emotion. I hope you've overcome yours, Angel, because right now he's got your case in (laughs) forgive me, in the palm of his hand. Toodles." Gunn: "If Lindsey's the lead, shouldn't we be following him?" Angel to Cordy: "You said the guy in the vision just got a new eye. And Lindsey just got a new hand." Wesley: "Right. Then we should find out where the transplants took place." Gunn pointing towards the door: "So we're following him, right?" Angel: "Actually what we need to follow (picks up Lindsey's glass) is his new hand. (Holds the glass up and looks at the fingerprints left on it) Wonder who it belonged to." At a deserted Wolfram and Hart, Lindsey holds up a key card to the electronic lock on Nathan's office and enters it. He walks through the dark office over to the computer on the desk. Sees a picture of Nathan Reed with his wife and son as he boots up the computer. He types in username 'Reed, N' password 'Zen' and logs successfully on to Nathan's Personal Information Center. Clicks on the 'To Do' Icon, bringing up a list: Blatt case deposition - March 5 - urgent - in progress LA Office Assignments - March 6 - medium - in progress Senior Partner Reports - March 8 - urgent - complete Special Projects Reevaluation - March 8 - highest - pending Jackson case brief - March 11 - medium - pending Vacation plans - March 15 - low - in progress Partner compensation - March 31 - medium - in progress Feeder Negotiation - April 10 - medium - pending New Associate Recruiting - April 10 - low - in progress Shaman Contracts - April 15 - high - in progress Europe fact-finding trip - April 30 - high - in progress Lindsey brings up the 'Special Projects Reevaluation' screen holding a number of folders entitled: Project History, Personnel Roster, Manners Massacre, Bethany Project, Project Darla, Drusilla (vampire), Project Angel, Vampire Detectors, Lilah Morgan, Lindsey McDonald, Youth Center Project, Demon Relations, Terminated Employees, and Pending Projects. Lindsey moves the mouse over his own folder, but then clicks on Lilah's instead. The screen shows a picture of Lilah and her name. Current assignment: Co-Vice-President for Special Projects - Junior Associate, 1994, - Senior Associate, 1997, - Junior Partner, 2000 - Graduate of Montesori(?) University School of Law 1994 with High Honors - Law Review 1992-94 - recruited by Los Angeles Office - Supervised by Holland Manners. Lindsey closes that folder and goes back to Nathan's To-Do list and types Fairfield Clinic into the search engine. This brings up a picture of the clinic and a short report: "Fairfield Clinic is the primary health-care provider for the Wolfram & Hart Los Angels office employees. Offering a wide range of health services the clinic provides first class care for our most valuable resource - our people. In addition to the usual rnage of health care offerings, Fairfield's research departments is at the forefront of development of advanced treatments. Perhaps no (?) in the workd has developed such a sophisticated use of demons in the therapeutic setting, allowing our employees benefits (?) which would be impossible with pure traditional means. Fairfield Clinic's state of the art facility was financed by Wolfram & Hart as part of our ongoing health care partnership." Angel comes walks into the Hyperion carrying a brown manila folder. Angel: "I got it. The hand belongs to a thirty year old white male named Bradley Scott, served two and a half years at Soledad for embezzlement, paroled last month." Gunn: "How'd you find all this?" Angel: "I'm a detective." Cordy: "Did he have a life before prison?" Angel: "I'm not sure. Why don't you just look him up on..." Cordy sits down at her computer and begins to type: "I am." Wesley: "That's impressive, Angel." Angel: "Yeah, well, sometimes you just got to follow your..." Points at his nose. Wesley: "So, how did your (taps his nose) get you into the N.C.I.C.?" Angel: "The what?" Wesley: "The National Crime and Information Center?" Angel: "Oh, that. Kind of a long story... (Moves towards Cordy's desk) How's it coming over there." Gunn: "We got time." Angel: "You know, when I was in charge here, nobody questioned my methods or my singing." Cordy: "You're half right." Wes and Gunn just keep looking at him Angel: "Alright. I hired a private detective. He's got a friend on the force." Wesley: "We're supposed to be the private detectives." Gunn: "We are supposed to have a friend on the force." Angel: "We did, but she got fired. Get over it." Cordy: "Bradley Scott. Guess where he worked while he was dumping bearer bonds on the black market. Wolfram and Hart." Wesley: "I wonder if he's still alive." Angel: "Well, according to his records he reported to his parole officer once - then he disappeared." Gunn: "He goes to jail. They wait for him to get out, then (makes a chopping motion at his right wrist) whack! Wolfram and Hart gives his hand to Lindsey. I guess they really want to give their boy everything." Lindsey leaves Nathan's office. As he walks down the corridor he sees Lilah rummaging through the file cabinets in the 'File Storage' room. Sees her fold up a page and stick in into her purse - in which she keeps a revolver before - he quietly backs away. A guy is sitting on a sofa watching TV and drinking a beer when there is a knock on the door. Guy: "Who is it?" Lindsey through the door: "You don't know me. My name is Lindsey McDonald. I work at Wolfram and Hart." The guy turns off the TV and partly cracks the door. Guy: "What do you want?" Lindsey: "I wanna talk to you, just for a minute. Can I come in?" The guy closes the door enough to release the safety chain, opens it again to let Lindsey in, then glances out along the corridor before closing the door. Lindsey: "No, it's okay. I'm alone." Guy: "Professional habit. I, ah, see a lot of low-lives." Lindsey: "Yeah, I guess you would be, being a parole officer. Listen. This is completely off the record. I had a procedure done - at Fairfield Clinic. I know they paid you to do things for them in the past, and I don't care about that. What I do care about is finding out where they get their body parts." Guy: "What's the code?" Lindsey: "Code?" Guy: "Well, if you're with Wolfram and Hart, you know the code." Lindsey: "Look, I'm a lawyer there. This is not my case. I don't know the code. We don't need the code. I can pay you..." The guy hits Lindsey across the chin, sending him crashing down onto the sofa table. Hits him over the head as he comes back up and everything goes dark. Break [SCENE_BREAK] The parole officer is holding Lindsey up against the wall, pressing the muzzle of his revolver against his throat. Guy: "Now you got three seconds to tell me what the game is." Lindsey: "There is no game. This is about me." Guy cocks his revolver: "Good bye." Something comes flying into the room, shattering the window. The guy spins around and shoots at Angel standing just outside of it and Angel drops out of sight. Guy grabs Lindsey from behind around the throat and drags him over towards the window, holding the gun against his head. Guy: "Friend of yours?" Lindsey: "No, he's not." Guy yelling: "Hey, I'm about to out a bullet into your buddy's brain here! - I got him. I know I got him." The guy leans out the window to look and Angel shoots up and slings a loop of rope over his head around his throat. Lindsey spins free, twisting the gun out of the guys grip at the same time. Lindsey: "What are you doing here?!" Angel: "Gee, I don't know, saving your life?" Lindsey waves the guy's gun wildly in Angel's face: "I don't need you to save my life." Guy: "Hey, watch it with that!" Angel: "Gee, a little gratitude, Lindsey. Goes a long way." Lindsey: "You got no business..! What-why aren't you trying to kill me?!" Angel: "Excuse me. I'm on a case here, Lindsey. Does everything always have to be about killing you all the time?" Guy: "I-I can see you guys got issues, so I'll just..." Stops as Angel tightens the rope on the guy's throat. Lindsey: "That's my lead! You're choking my lead!" Angel: "'He's my lead! He's my lead!' What, are we on the schoolyard here? Look, if you wanna get to the bottom of this, you got to learn how to play with others. (To the parole-guy) Look, I'm gonna loosen the rope and you're gonna tell me everything about your parolee, Bradley Scott. " Lindsey: "Who?" Angel: "The guy who's hand you're wearing. You might want to listen up." Lindsey pointing with the gun: "You don't tell me what to do." Angel to the guy: "He's so immature." Lindsey yelling and gesturing with the gun: "Shut up!" Angel to guy: "We're waiting." Guy: "I'm not telling you zip. You can kill me but Wolfram and Hart will do a lot worse." Angel: "Kill you? - Why would I kill you (morphs into vamp-face) when I could live off you for a month?" The guy looks back at Angel and yells as he sees his changed face. Angel pats the guy's face as Lindsey makes a grimace. Angel: "Hmm, can't you just taste that butter fat?" Grins at Lindsey. Lindsey: "You are really gross, you know that?" Guy: "I'll tell ya! I'll tell ya! Scott stole some bearer bonds, went to jail. When he got paroled, Wolfram and Hart had him assigned to me." Angel: "According to your file he was a fugitive no-show, but you saw him, didn't you?" Guy: "Just once." Lindsey: "You took him to Fairfield Clinic?" Guy: "No, I didn't take him there." Angel: "Where?" Guy: "Just some address. - I don't know what they do there. I don't wanna know." Cordy is sitting at her desk with her head buried in her arms, sniffling, as Wes and Gunn peek in through a crack in the door. They carefully pull the door shut again and step away from it. Gunn: "Is it me or are these vision hangovers getting longer and longer? (Points to his head) It's like she can't rest in there until it's done." Wesley: "I know. She inherited these visions from Doyle, but he was half demon. I'm not sure the human body can carry... - Last year a demon unleashed a slew of these visions on her. She wound up in a hospital out of her mind." Gunn: "Oh. - Well, she's been a little cranky lately but it's not like she's..." We hear Cordy's voice through the door: "Angel? - Where are you? I-I can't... Are you there?" Gunn and Wesley look at each other. Gunn: "...crazy?" They look towards the door. Cordy, phone in hand, jumps as they suddenly kick her door open. Cordy, exhales, to phone: "Nothing. I'm fine. - It's just Gunn and Wesley playing with the doors. (To Gunn and Wes) I'm trying to work here. (To phone) Okay. - We'll wait here. - I'm fine. Just - get it done." Angel and Lindsey are driving down the street in his convertible. Angel looks over at Lindsey. Angel: "A funny thing happened the other day. Guy picks up butcher knife, sticks it in his own eye. - yow! - I guess he went to the same clinic you did. - Your hand hasn't been doing anything - funny lately, has it? - I know, it's none of my business, but you don't seem all that happy lately." Lindsey: "You know, I know you're Mr. 'save a soul' now, but at least you used to throw down with your enemies. What do wanna do now? You wanna share?" Angel: "I guess it's a lot to carry. I mean, losing Darla - and even me in a way, as a place to focus your rage. It's ironic. I mean, here you are. You're young, and healthy, good job, new hand. (Lindsey looks down at his right hand) - Seems like the more you get, the less you have. - Am I getting through here? (Lindsey doesn't answer) You just keep on moping. You're good at that." Angel pulls the car to the side of the road. Both he and Lindsey get out. Angel opens the trunk and pulls the bound and gagged parole officer up far enough so that he can see the store with a sign saying 'Southern California Travel' across the road from where they parked. Angel: "Is that were you took him?" The guy nods his head and grunt affirmatively. Angel puts him back down and closes the trunk over the guys muffled protests. Angel, carrying an ax in his right hand, and Lindsey walk across the street to the store. Angel: "Do you know this place?" Lindsey: "No." Angel: "Well, I'm thinking if it has anything to do with you guys security will be top drawer. Window sensors, motion detectors, cellular backup, guards, obviously." Lindsey: "Yeah, I don't have my laptop." Angel: "Huh?" Lindsey: "My computer. You want me to hack into the system and break the codes we're definitely gonna need..." Angel: "Wait, wait, wait." Angel stops and Lindsey turns around to face him. Angel: "That seems like a big bother. What do you say we just fight, huh?" Angel lifts his ax and Lindsey braces himself for a fight, raising his fists. Angel motions with his hand: "You might wanna step aside?" Lindsey lowers his fists a bit and looks at the store windows behind him. Makes a face and steps aside. Angel hauls back and throws his ax, shattering the window. Claps Lindsey on the back as a guard steps out onto the street. Angel: "Come on. Work off some of that aggression, huh?" Angel drops the first guy with a hard cross and enters the store, Lindsey right behind him. Angel hits another guard, knees him in the stomach, then tosses the guy aside while Lindsey dances past Angel to hit one of the other two guards coming towards them. Short moments later all the guards are down and Angel and Lindsey look around the travel agency's office. Angel: "The floor. It's hollow." He pushes some furniture aside and lifts up a throw rug to reveal a trap door. They walk down the stairs into a room lined with cells, with strategically placed labels on the glass doors, holding naked people - or what's left of them. Lindsey: "What is this?" Angel: "You know what this is. Spare parts - for guys like you. (Motions to the right, where the cell occupants are still whole) You got your before (turns to look to the other side of the room) and your after." A label on one of the cells identifies the body inside as 'unit: 42-89 - Blood: O+ Tissue: (?) - Start: 8/19/00 - Discard: 10/29/01 - Harvest: 5/5/00 left ear - 6/18/00 left leg - 3/10/01 right hand. The male inside is wearing an oxygen mask, his right hand is missing. Angel: "More like during, I guess. - Your firm in action, Lindsey. A lot to be proud of, huh?" Angel looks up at a banner hanging on one of the walls. Angel: "The Pockla blessed this place." Lindsey: "Who are they?" Angel: "Demon healers. They know how to regenerate flesh. Probably explains why some of these transplants aren't taking so well." Lindsey: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure one of them was there when they gave me my hand." Angel: "Your hand? (Indicates one of the cells) I think it belonged to that guy over there." Lindsey turns to look at the guy with the missing right hand. The camera reverses so that we look out through the glass door. Angel (muffled through the door): "Or what's left of him anyway." Lindsey (muffled): "Oh god. I know him." Lindsey steps closer to the cell and the camera reversed again to show us the guy in the cell looking out at Lindsey. Lindsey: "I didn't get the name before. - We worked in the mailroom together. - Brad?" Brad wheezing: "Kill..." Lindsey throws a look over his shoulder at Angel. Brad: "Kill..." Lindsey: "Kill who? Huh? Who do you want to kill?" Brad: "Kill - me..." Break Brad: "Please..." Lindsey turns to Angel: "What am I supposed to do here?" Angel: "I know what I'd do. This is your deal. Whatever it is, you better do it quick. They're gonna be coming in force. We got to help the ones that we can." Angel pulls the banners off the wall and breaks the glass to the first of the 'before' cells, while Lindsey stares up into Brad's face, who is still trying to talk. Angel is wrapping the guy he just freed in the banner and helps him out of his cell. Lindsey: "I'm sorry." He reaches over and pulls the wires leading to Brad's cell. As Lindsey stands looking at Brad, one hand braced against each side of the cell door, we hear the machinery winding down then the cell goes dark. Angel watches as Lindsey takes a deep breath then goes to smash the connections to the next cell and picks up a metal table and tosses it across the room. Angel helps a woman out of another cell. Angel to Lindsey: "Help these people upstairs." Angel opens the valves of a couple of oxygen tanks, letting the gas escape into the room. Angel: "Get them to the car." Angel lights a piece of paper, drops it on the floor and runs up the stairs. Angel comes running out the front of the store and makes it most of the way across the street before a huge fireball explodes outward, shattering the windows and spraying glass everywhere. Hyperion, day. Angel to Cordy: "How is everything in your head?" Cordy: "What?" Angel: "Any vision aftermaths?" Cordy takes a deep breath: "I-it's better." Wesley: "What?" Cordy: "It's just - they're starting to take their toll. (Shrugs and gives them a smile) It's part of the job, right?" No one says anything. Lilah is playing with her hair as she sits next to Lindsey at Nathan Reed's conference table, which is once again occupied with all the same lawyers we saw there at the beginning. Nathan: "These Reevaluations are always a bit of a mixed blessing. Sad as we lose one of our own. But also hopeful as we turn towards the future and - promote one of our own. - Lilah. You have made a lot of great contributions and I know you have tried your very, very best..." Lilah: "No!" She scrabbles for her purse, but Lindsey puts his hands over hers. Lindsey: "Lilah. Please. (Lilah stops and looks at him) - They chose me. - I'm clearly the guy." Nathan Reed: "Yes, you are." Lindsey to Lilah: "You could've had it. - But you didn't have what it takes." Lindsey raises his right hand up and Lilah jumps, letting out a little scream as he wriggles his fingers. Lindsey almost laughing: "An evil hand. - I mean, come on, who here does, huh? (Gets up and motions towards a guy across from him at the table) Leon doesn't. - Charlie doesn't. (Ruffles the hair of the guy sitting on Lilah's other side, and looks at Nathan) You do know you gave me an evil hand, right? (Nathan doesn't move) I've been writing 'Kill, kill, kill' on everything. It's crazy. It's crazy. Anything could happen!" Nathan to the guard: "Allen." Lindsey: "Allen, how are you?" Allen reaches for his gun, but Lindsey slugs him, sending his ear-piece dangling down his neck, and grabs the gun Allan is reaching for and presses it into the guards chest. Allen raises his hands. Lindsey: "Uh-oh." Shoots the guard in the foot while looking at Nathan. Lindsey: "Uh, that's gonna hurt in the morning!" Allen is hopping around on one foot and Lindsey pushes him to the floor before waving the gun at the people sitting around the table. Lindsey: "Stop, evil hand, stop it." Fires of a few shots in Nathan's direction shattering some pottery behind him and making Nathan flinch a bit. Lindsey grinning: "I just can't control my evil hand. (Walks up to Nathan's end of the table) Nathan, I'm so proud that you chose me. (Ruffles Charlie's hair as he walks past him) Charlie! If I would have been in your shoes - I would have chosen Lilah. (Lilah turns to stare at Lindsey) Let me tell you why. Do you have any idea of the hours this chick has logged in? Huh? The files she has on you guys? - Deep stuff. Ronnie, your stock manipulations, Nathan's little offshore accounts... Can you imagine if something were to happen to this girl and those files got back to the senior partners? - They'd eat you alive! (Lilah looks at him with a frown) She's been working overtime, boys. She's everything you ever dreamed off. Lilah is your guy. Me - (leans down on the table next to Nathan, who looks straight ahead) I'm unreliable. I've got these evil hand issues - and I'm bored with this crap. - And besides, I'm leaving, so - if you wanna chase me, be my guest, and remember (holds up his hand) evil. (Knocks on the table with his right hand.) Charlie." Lindsey quietly to Lilah as he passes her: "Good luck." Lilah jumps, putting a hand over her mouth then turns to stare at Lindsey as he walks towards the door. He gives her a big grin, and waves his right hand in the air. Lindsey: "Evil." Lilah stands and stares as the door closes behind Lindsey. Nathan: "Well. Let's amend the minutes. - Lilah Morgan was promoted. - And, uh, someone call an ambulance." Night. Lindsey walks up to his old truck and puts a duffel and his guitar case into the bed. Lindsey: "If you're here to kill me, grab ya a ticket and get in line." Angel leaning on the gate of the truck: "Oh, I really like this truck. '56, right? First year they had that wrap-around windshield. You know, back in the fifties we all thought life was gonna be like in the Jetsons by now. Air cars, robots. - I'd love to have an air car. Wouldn't that be cool?" Lindsey with a smile: "So, you're here to talk me to death." Angel: "Nah, I just came here to say, things don't always work out like you think. - I bet Wolfram and Hart aren't too happy losing one of their best and their brightest." Lindsey: "Yeah, well, let 'em come try to stop me. It'll be fun." Angel: "Well, I don't know if that's a healthy attitude. - So, where're you going, Lindsey? (Looks at the duffel and guitar case) Back to your roots?" Lindsey: "Something like that." Angel nods his head slowly. Lindsey: "I hope you're not waiting for me to tell you that I learned some kind of a lesson. That I had a big moral crisis, but now I see the light." Angel laughs: "If you told me that, then I'd have to kill you. - I'm just here to say 'bon voyage' - don't come back." Lindsey: "To L.A.? - Nah. - You can have this place." Opens the door to his truck. Angel: "Good. I'm glad I didn't have to do something immature here." Lindsey nods with a slight smile, sobers after a beat. Lindsey: "The key to Wolfram and Hart: don't let them make you play their game. - You gotta make them play yours." Angel quietly: "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind." Lindsey nods gets ready to get in his truck. Angel: "Don't drive too fast now. Lots of cops out there." Lindsey gets in and starts the engine. As he pulls away from the curb we see that there is a big sign stuck to the gate of his truck saying 'cops suck.' Angel stands there with a smile on his face as he watches him drive off.	Plan: A: a reevaluation; Q: What is upcoming for Lindsey's department? A: Lindsey; Q: Who is shocked to discover that his hand has a mind of its own? A: a clinic; Q: Where is Lindsey referred to for a reevaluation? A: a donor hand; Q: What does Lindsey receive from a clinic? A: nefarious notes; Q: What does Lindsey's hand jot on its own accord? A: the Angel Investigations crew; Q: Who is investigating a vision Cordelia has? A: Cordelia; Q: Who has a vision of a man who stabs himself? A: a transplant eye; Q: What did the man who stabbed himself recently receive? A: the same clinic; Q: Where did the man who stabbed himself receive a transplant eye from? A: Angel's paths; Q: What do Lindsey and Angel cross as they realize they are investigating the same matter? Summary: With a reevaluation upcoming for his department, Lindsey is referred to a clinic where he is able to receive a donor hand. Lindsey is shocked to discover that his hand has a mind of its own, jotting nefarious notes on its own accord. Meanwhile, the Angel Investigations crew follows up on a vision Cordelia has in which a man, who recently received a transplant eye from the same clinic, stabs himself. Lindsey and Angel's paths cross as they realize they are investigating the same matter.
3.06 - Take the Deviled Eggs OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE [A bunch of catalogs are spread on the kitchen table, and Lorelai is going through them as Rory walks out of her bedroom] RORY: Morning. LORELAI: Morning. RORY: Wow, someone woke up in project mode today. LORELAI: I'm like the army, baby. I get more done before nine o'clock in the morning than others get done all day. RORY: Well, as long as you don't abandon it mid-project. LORELAI: I do not do that. RORY: Make your own seashell candles. LORELAI: Aw, not fair. RORY: The place smelled like melted crayons for three weeks. LORELAI: This is different. RORY: Fine, what's the project? LORELAI: This is a pile of every catalog we have received for the last three months. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: I have gathered them all together, and I will now proceed to call all the companies that are sending us duplicates and tell them to stop. RORY: That's very environmental of you. LORELAI: It's getting ridiculous. We get, like, eight of some of these. RORY: You're kidding. LORELAI: Check this out. [picks up a stack of catalogs] This is a stack of identical catalogs mailed to Lorelai Gilmore, Rory Gilmore, Lorelai Rory Gilmore, Lorelai V. Gilmore, Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, Lorelai Gilmo, Lorelai Gil, and Squeegy Beckinheim. RORY: How'd that get in there? LORELAI: I once told a store my name was Squeegy Beckinheim just to see how many catalogs they would sell my name to, and apparently my name is to catalog companies what Brooke Shields' picture is to Chinese restaurants. RORY: How many? LORELAI: Ten. RORY: Wow. LORELAI: Including one we were already getting seven catalogs from. RORY: So apparently you made the problem worse. LORELAI: Unintentionally. [Rory reads the label on another catalog] RORY: This one is addressed to Tookie Clothespin. LORELAI: Oh, I forgot my code name at the second store I tested, so I told them it was Tookie Clothespin. RORY: Which means we get even more catalogs. LORELAI: Again, it was unintentional. RORY: When you start a forest fire unintentionally, it's still your fault. LORELAI: You're putting calling myself Squeegy Beckinheim and Tookie Clothespin on a level with starting a forest fire? RORY: It's killing trees. LORELAI: You're depressing me now. RORY: Well, get on the phone and stop the madness. That'll cheer you up. LORELAI: I need coffee. RORY: There's more coffee. LORELAI: I should get ready, too. RORY: You're stopping mid-project. LORELAI: I'm bored. RORY: Then don't start these projects. LORELAI: I promise I'll finish. I just wanna check on the seashells. RORY: These catalogs will be sitting here forever. LORELAI: No, they won't. They're biodegradable. RORY: Come on, I'll call half, you call half, okay? LORELAI: Okay. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: You do yours first, then I'll do mine. RORY: Hey! LORELAI: We only have one phone. You're young. You'll dial faster. [leaves room] RORY: Squeegy! [opening credits] CUT TO MISS PATTY'S STUDIO [There's a town meeting going on] TAYLOR: The bottom line is that too many birds are landing atop the street lights and relieving themselves on helpless passersby. And I dare say that some of these birds seem to be doing it on purpose. BABETTE: You get dumped on, Taylor? TAYLOR: It's not just me. . . LUKE: Hey, if anybody has a picture of Taylor getting dumped on, I'll pay top dollar. KIRK: I'll check the internet. MISS PATTY: Taylor, all animals have to. . .you know. How are you gonna stop birds from doing that? TAYLOR: Easy. Put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures, then when they land, pow they're shish-kabobs. RORY: That's cruel. BABETTE: You can't do that. ANDREW: I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head. LORELAI: There it is our new town slogan. RORY: I like it. LORELAI: I see coffee mugs, T-shirts. RORY: Don't forget stuffed shish-kabobbed birds. LORELAI: That moan when you squeeze them. [a man enters through the large sliding door] JESUS: Excuse me. TAYLOR: May I help you, sir? JESUS: Yes, I was looking for. . .ah, there she is. . .uh, Patricia. LORELAI: Patricia. . .well, well, well. EVERYONE: Woooooooo! MISS PATTY: Now stop it. JESUS: Are you ready? MISS PATTY: I'm right in the middle of something, Jesus, but I'll be right out. Patience. JESUS: Okay. [walks out] TAYLOR: Now, as we were saying. . . BABETTE: Who's the fox, Patty? TAYLOR: Excuse me. MISS PATTY: I met him at a funeral. Great guy, good dancer, Latin. . . EVERYONE: Wooooooo! TAYLOR: People, order please. LORELAI: He better treat you right, this guy. BABETTE: Yeah, how well do you know him? MISS PATTY: Well, I just met him. KIRK: I could look him up on the internet. TAYLOR: People, please! Now, due to the lack of response, we'll hold off on the bird spikes. LUKE: Good. LORELAI: Let Miss Patty's date begin. [Babette hands Patty a camera] BABETTE: It's a digital. I want a full visual account. TAYLOR: Hold it. There's one more issue that must be addressed before we can adjourn. All right. Now, that weird, taciturn fellow who's always walking around with his backpack has put in an absurd request to stage a protest in the town square. LORELAI: The town loner? LUKE: That guy still lives around here? BABETTE: Somewhere in the hills, right? LUKE: I thought he was long gone. ANDREW: No, he came into the bookstore a couple times last month, never said a word. MISS PATTY: He's a bit creepy. TAYLOR: Very creepy. LORELAI: But he's our Boo Radley, and we don't have a Boo Radley, unless you count the troubadour or Pete the pizza guy or the guy who talks to mailboxes. RORY: Well, I think the point is that every town needs as many Boo Radleys as they can get. LORELAI: Yes, that's my point. MISS PATTY: What's he protesting, Taylor? TAYLOR: Well, that's not indicated here, but it doesn't matter, because protesting is not allowed in the town square, period. It's un-American. LUKE: You mean like the Revolutionary War? BABETTE: And Rosa Parks? TAYLOR: That's different. They were against the British and buses. No one likes the British or buses. [Jesus walks in again] MISS PATTY: Yes, dear, what is it? JESUS: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I heard my name. MISS PATTY: No, he said buses, dear, not Jesus. JESUS: Sounded like Jesus. [leaves] TAYLOR: Could this meeting be more disrupted? LORELAI: I could do a soft shoe. RORY: Yeah, while I pound out a beat on the bongos. BABETTE: Ooh, that sounds like fun! MISS PATTY: I got bongos in the back. TAYLOR: Seeing as how our attention spans are gnat-like tonight, as town Selectman I am refusing the town loner's request to protest and I am adjourning this meeting. LORELAI: She's all yours, Jesus! LUKE: We got nothing of substance done in this meeting. LORELAI: And the tradition stands. [People start to leave; Lorelai, Luke, and Rory walk out together] LORELAI: Hey, what do you know about this town loner guy? LUKE: Same as everyone. Just kind of skulks around with that backpack, never smiles. LORELAI: Does he also make cheeseburgers and secretly harbor a desire to wear a backwards baseball cap? LUKE: What? LORELAI: [sings] They're cousins, identical cousins. . . LUKE: Stop it. [Jess drives by in a beat-up car] LORELAI: Well. . . look who's back behind the wheel. Lovely. RORY: Mom, I'm gonna get going. I've got some studying to do. LORELAI: Okay, babe. I'll catch up with you. [Rory leaves] LORELAI: When did Jess get a car? LUKE: Oh, uh. . .recently. LORELAI: Where'd he get it? LUKE: He got it from a guy around here, at a place. LORELAI: A guy at a place? LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: You had no idea he had a car, did you? LUKE: Not in the least. LORELAI: Ah, way to have a handle on things, Luke. LUKE: Well, he doesn't share a lot with me, you know? And he's got a license. What can I do? LORELAI: Stop him before he kills. LUKE: He's not gonna kill anyone. LORELAI: He's got a bad track record with cars. LUKE: Yeah, I know, okay? I'm not exactly thrilled with this. LORELAI: Okay. I'm sorry. It's your thing. I'll just butt out now. LUKE: Where'd he get the money? LORELAI: What? LUKE: For the car. Where'd he get it? LORELAI: I don't know. Working at the diner? LUKE: I can barely afford a car on the money I get working at the diner. LORELAI: Maybe it was a gift from someone. . .who doesn't know it's gone yet. LUKE: Thanks. LORELAI: I'm helpful, aren't I? LUKE: Bye. LORELAI: Bye. [Lorelai leaves; Luke walks over to Jess] LUKE: Hey. JESS: Hey. LUKE: So. . .you got a car. JESS: Motor Trend's not gonna be giving it any awards, but it'll get me from point A to point B. LUKE: Yeah, I guess it'll get you around. So, uh. . .where'd you get the money for it? JESS: Mugged an old lady. LUKE: Jess. JESS: It didn't cost that much. LUKE: What's not much? JESS: Less than a lot? LUKE: Jess, where did you get the money? JESS: You know that hash you sling at the diner? I scrape it off the plates in the back. Remember I work for you? LUKE: Yeah, I know you do. JESS: Okay, then. LUKE: I also know I don't pay you enough to buy the car. JESS: I saved up my pennies and I bought the car from Gypsy. She gave me a good deal. That's how I got the car. LUKE: Okay, so you bought a car. Now, the price of the car is just one small thing. It's just the beginning. JESS: Oh, yeah? LUKE: Did you take the additional expenses into account? JESS: Like. . . LUKE: Insurance? JESS: I'm in good hands. LUKE: Liability, uninsured motorist? JESS: All the paperwork's in the glove compartment. Feel free to check it out. LUKE: Money for gas? JESS: You mean this didn't come with a never empty magical tank? LUKE: Jess. JESS: I factored that in. LUKE: You're gonna have repairs. JESS: Yeah, and I can fix most of them myself and save up for the rest. Plus, I'm gonna make sure to replace the oil every couple months. LUKE: Right, I bet you didn't think of that, the oil. That costs money. JESS: I'm the one that brought it up. You're the one that didn't think of it. LUKE: No, but. . .I just. . . JESS: Sign this. [hands him a piece of paper] LUKE: The registration? JESS: I'm still a minor. LUKE: I don't have a pen. [Jess hands him a pen] LUKE: I guess it's okay that someone else's name is crossed out on it and that yours it written in. JESS: Yup. LUKE: Just checking. [signs it and hands it back] JESS: Thanks. I'm glad we had this talk. LUKE: Yeah, same here. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory is studying on the couch as Lorelai walks through the front door with the mail] LORELAI: Hello! RORY: I'm in here! LORELAI: Wow, you beat me home by two minutes and your nose is already in the books. RORY: I can go from zero to studying in less than sixty seconds. LORELAI: Very impressive. Mail call. [hands Rory a piece of mail] RORY: What's this? LORELAI: Mortgage payment. You mind picking it up this month sweetie, baby, cookie, honey? RORY: No, not at all. LORELAI: It's just something addressed to you. [Rory opens it] RORY: It's an invitation. LORELAI: Hm. RORY: [reads it] Oh. LORELAI: An invitation to what? Oh, is it the White House again? Those boys never give up. RORY: It's to Sherry's baby shower. LORELAI: Who? RORY: Sherry. Sherry Tinsdale. Dad's Sherry? LORELAI: You're kidding. RORY: It's at her and Dad's house on Sunday. LORELAI: Wow, that is very weird. We haven't had contact with Christopher in months. She must know we're on the outs with him, right? RORY: Yeah, but she may not know how on the outs. LORELAI: Well, zero contact is maximum on the outs. RORY: Yeah. . .although there may have been some. LORELAI: Some what? RORY: Some contact. LORELAI: Oh. . .you've been in contact with Christopher? RORY: Yeah, I'm sorry. LORELAI: On, no, hon, don't apologize. You've always been totally free to talk to him whenever you want. I've told you that. I mean, he's your dad, right? So don't apologize. RORY: Okay, I take the apology back. LORELAI: I think it's good you've been talking to him. It is a little weird you didn't tell me, though. RORY: Yeah, sorry. LORELAI: Will you stop apologizing? RORY: Even when I feel like I should apologize, I can't apologize? LORELAI: Yeah, it's a little annoying. RORY: Sorry. LORELAI: Rory. RORY: I'm just trying to lighten the mood here. LORELAI: The mood is light. I just hate that you thought you had to hide something like that from me. RORY: I just kind of felt like I was betraying you or something. LORELAI: Well, you weren't. RORY: I know that now. LORELAI: So, how much contact have you had with him? RORY: Not tons. He emailed me a month or so ago, I emailed him back, and now we occasionally talk on the phone. LORELAI: Does he ever ask about me? RORY: What answer will freak you out the least? LORELAI: The honest one. RORY: Yes, he asks about you because Dad will always care for you very much, you know that. Do you want me to say hello for you next time we talk? LORELAI: No. RORY: Fine. [holds up invitation] What should I do about this? LORELAI: It's your call. RORY: I guess being in Dad's world automatically means being in Sherry's. LORELAI: And it is your little half brother or sister she's carrying. RORY: I know, it's weird. LORELAI: Sort of a good reason to make some connection with her. RORY: Yeah, but it's gonna be one of those brunchy quichey things where I don't know anyone, and it's all the way in Boston. LORELAI: I'll drive you there if you want. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Yeah, I'll do some Boston shopping while you quiche it. RORY: And we can set up some sort of SOS signal that I can page you with if I want to bail early? LORELAI: Sure. RORY: What should the SOS signal be? LORELAI: How about. . .SOS? RORY: Perfect. LORELAI: So you're going. RORY: I guess I'm going. LORELAI: Good, I think you've made the right decision. RORY: So do I. And I shouldn't have hid that I'm talking to Dad. I'm really s LORELAI: Ah! RORY: Starving. LORELAI: I'll get some ice cream. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Luke is behind the counter as Jess walks down from upstairs] LUKE: You're up early. JESS: I got a few errands to run. LUKE: You got time before school? JESS: I got wheels. LUKE: Right, right, you got wheels. [Jess takes a donut from the display] Lid. JESS: By the way, I owe you ten bucks. LUKE: When did I loan you ten bucks? JESS: Last night. LUKE: I wasn't here last night. JESS: You're always here, Uncle Luke in my heart. LUKE: You took money out of the register JESS: I'm going to the bank now. You'll get it back today. LUKE: I told you a hundred times, do not take money out of the register. JESS: Gotta run. LUKE: Lid. [Jess leaves, and Luke watches him out the window. Kirk, sitting at a table, clears his throat] LUKE: Oh, uh, what can I get you, Kirk? KIRK: Patty melt and a coke. LUKE: You want the melt cut into squares or stars today? KIRK: Half and half? LUKE: Okay, coming right up. KIRK: Thanks. [looks out the window at Jess' car] Man, that car's a honey. Duel piston cams, diplex overdrive with maximum torque, sixteen liter side by side, firing three on one. . . sweet. LUKE: Kirk, none of that makes any sense. KIRK: What? LUKE: I know a little about cars, that was all gibberish. KIRK: Oh, well, would you mind not telling people about this? I've cultivated a reputation as sort of a car aficionado and in reality, all I have is a Jan and Dean record. LUKE: I'll keep it to myself. KIRK: I should probably listen to it again. LUKE: Yeah, I would. KIRK: Man, I wish my mom would let me have a car. . .or a bike. . .or my roller skates back. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO HEWES BROTHERS' GARAGE [Gypsy is looking under Jackson's truck] GYPSY: You don't take care of it. JACKSON: I take great care of it. GYPSY: This truck doesn't like you. JACKSON: Oh, is it talking to you now? GYPSY: Your transmission's shot. JACKSON: I shift up and down a lot. GYPSY: Mr. Grind-it-til-you-find-it, huh? JACKSON: Just tell me what needs doing. GYPSY: Be faster to say what doesn't need doing. JACKSON: Whatever you want. GYPSY: You ride your breaks. Bad for the truck, good for me. I like replacing brakes. Pays for the cable TV. JACKSON: No problem. How bout I just make the check out directly to your cable company, would that be easier for you? GYPSY: Yeah, thanks. And get some extra checks cause you're gonna be making one out to my milkman, too. Oh, and looky here, you just bought me a couch. [Luke walks up to them] Hey Luke. LUKE: Hey Gypsy. I don't wanna interrupt. JACKSON: No, please, interrupt. I need a little break from the gaiety. [walks away] GYPSY: What can I do for you? LUKE: Uh, well, uh, Jess came home with this car and it says on the slip that he bought it from you. GYPSY: Yup, it's working great, if that's what you're wondering. LUKE: No, I know that, it's just, uh. . . he paid you for it, right? GYPSY: Nothing's free at Gypsy's. LUKE: And he paid cash? GYPSY: Mostly twenties. LUKE: Did you make sure Andrew Jackson was on the bills, not Alfred E. Newman or someone? GYPSY: Looked real to me. LUKE: Well, when he took the money out of wherever he had it, did a mask or a gun fall out? GYPSY: No, but he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it. LUKE: Really? GYPSY: No. LUKE: Good. GYPSY: Guys are stupid. LUKE: What? GYPSY: You strip your gears, you ride your breaks, and if we don't laugh after we make a joke, you think we're serious. JACKSON: I don't ride my brakes! LUKE: I just want to make sure it was on the up and up. GYPSY: Hey, when people come in with cash, I don't ask where it comes from, do you? LUKE: Nah, I guess I don't. Thanks. GYPSY: Anytime. [Luke leaves; Gypsy looks under the hood of Jackson's truck] GYPSY: Oh, goody, a trip to Florida! CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Taylor, a priest, and a rabbi are sitting at a table in mid-conversation] TAYLOR: This is outrageous. The town unanimously refused to let that loner freak protest in the square. Why would the two of you consider allowing him to do it from the steps of your church? REVEREND: The town didn't refuse him, Taylor you did. TAYLOR: So you're spearheading this revolt, Reverend? RABBI: Reverend Skinner and I share the church for services, Taylor, so if there's gonna be a protest, it'll be a joint decision. Ugh, I can't even look at this mayonnaise. REVEREND: I got it, David. [moves the mayonnaise bottle] RABBI: Thanks, Archie. TAYLOR: I could still ban it. I could get the town council together, find something on the books. I'm sure there's a way. REVEREND: The church is exempt from your town statutes, Taylor. RABBI: We answer to a higher authority. . . like the hot dog. REVEREND: I laugh every time you say that. RABBI: I know. Funny is funny. TAYLOR: Well, I can guarantee that God does not want this either. REVEREND: Did you hear that, David? Taylor Doose is in direct communication with God. RABBI: Thirty years I'm working for God, I haven't received so much as a card. REVEREND: Is it by phone that you speak with him, Taylor? RABBI: Do you have a God phone, Taylor? TAYLOR: Rabbi, please. REVEREND: What's he like? For us common folk who've never met him? RABBI: Is he short, is he tall? REVEREND: Does he like to laugh? RABBI: Is the whole shellfish thing really serious? Because, I gotta tell you, some of these Red Lobster commercials. . . REVEREND: They look good, huh? RABBI: Oh, with the melted butter? Oh my God. TAYLOR: Can we stay serious for a minute here? REVEREND: You're too uptight, Taylor. RABBI: And no matter how much steam blows out of your ears, our decision will be final. TAYLOR: So it's hardball, huh? Well, the council gave you special permission to run bingo out of that building. We could withdraw it. RABBI: At your peril. TAYLOR: Meaning? RABBI: You're gonna tell my little old ladies, my bubbies, you're shutting down their bingo? TAYLOR: I'm not afraid of your bubbies, Rabbi. REVEREND: Oh, God, thank you for letting me be in the room when Taylor said that. TAYLOR: Well, gentlemen, I would sincerely like to thank you for wasting my time. REVEREND: Our pleasure, Taylor. TAYLOR: I can't believe that you, Reverend Skinner, of all people, would do this to me after all the support I've given you over the years. REVEREND: All the support? Taylor, you're a Sunday Protestant. You come in, you say Hi God', you sing a song, and you leave. TAYLOR: I always leave a dollar! REVEREND: For your singing voice, you should leave two. TAYLOR: Well, fine, if you feel like that, maybe I will just stop showing up altogether. Maybe I'll convert to something else and give them my generous weekly donation. REVEREND: Do you want him? RABBI: Not after the whole bubbies thing. REVEREND: Maybe the Shakers in Woodbury would take him. RABBI: Yeah, he's already got the beard. Can you make furniture, Taylor? TAYLOR: Goodbye gentlemen. [Taylor leaves; Luke enters the diner and walks up to Caesar] LUKE: How's it going? CAESAR: Ah, pretty slow. LUKE: Hey, is Jess upstairs? CAESAR: I haven't seen him. LUKE: Okay, thanks. [Luke goes upstairs and walks into his apartment] LUKE: Jess? [Luke starts going through Jess' dresser drawer. The phone rings, startling him] LUKE: [answers phone] Hello? . . . Oh, hey Randy, what's up?. . . Well, someone's gotta take care of it, you know? It's not going to take care of itself. . . .I understand, I get it. What else?. . . Mmhmm. . . [While on the phone, Luke continues looking through Jess' stuff] CUT TO SIDEWALK [Rory and Lane are walking down the street] RORY: So do you think I got a good gift? LANE: It's foolproof. RORY: It's not very original. LANE: A new mother can't have too many baby blankets. Not with the insane amount of stuff constantly oozing out of a baby's every orifice. RORY: Ew. LANE: I just call it like I see it. RORY: Well, call it less graphically. LANE: The very concept of childbirth is vaguely disturbing. RORY: Yeah. Kids are cool and all, but getting there seems like a big cosmic joke. LANE: Definitely thought up by a man. RORY: My mom said that when she told me where babies come from. LANE: My mom still hasn't told me. RORY: Really? LANE: When my cousin got pregnant, she said it's because an angel brushed its wings against her face. RORY: I could fill you in on the details sometime if you want. LANE: No thanks, I've picked it up off the streets. [they pass Jess' car] LANE: That's new. RORY: Is it? LANE: I've never seen it before, and I'm very into the minutia around here. RORY: That's for sure. LANE: Do you know whose it is? RORY: Yup. LANE: Whose? RORY: Jess'. LANE: Jess? Jess, the guy who wrecked your car? He's got a car now? RORY: Mmhmm, looks that way. LANE: That's outrageous! That's a travesty! RORY: It's not that big a deal. LANE: Oh, it's a humongous deal. RORY: You're taking this very hard. LANE: Because we're best friends, Rory. We're linked. I feel what you feel. Except for right now because you don't seem to be feeling anything and I'm incensed. RORY: It's just a car. It's nothing to get excited about. [Jess walks over] JESS: Hey. RORY: Hey. JESS: Hey Lane. LANE: Hey back at ya, tough guy. JESS: What? RORY: Lane. . . JESS: Something wrong? RORY: No. . . LANE: Yes! You have a car. JESS: I know. LANE: Don't give me lip! JESS: Lip? RORY: Lane. . . LANE: How'd you get the car, Jess? JESS: I bought it. LANE: Really, I thought you might've built it from parts left over from cars you've totaled. JESS: What is your problem? LANE: Don't play dumb. You know what you did. JESS: I gotta go. LANE: Yes, drive on away, we'll just keep walking. That's all Rory's been able to do these past few months lots of walking. She's got bunions because of you, mister! JESS: Bunions? RORY: I don't have bunions. LANE: She's too nice to complain about her foot ailments. JESS: Knock if off, Lane. RORY: Just get in the car and go, Jess. JESS: I didn't start this. LANE: Well, you started it when you wrecked Rory's car. JESS: Tell your friend to walk it off. RORY: You walk it off. JESS: I'm trying to drive off. RORY: Then go. JESS: Geez, how Andy Griffith is this town that people get so excited by a car? RORY: It's not the car, it's who's got the car. JESS: Okay, fine, you want it? Take it, I'm sick of this. RORY: I don't want this piece of junk. JESS: Right. I suppose Dean is already building you another car, something really snazzy. RORY: Shut up and go. JESS: Gladly. RORY: Let's go. LANE: Gladly. RORY: [to Jess] Oh, and by the way, you left your bra in the back seat. CUT TO BOSTON [Lorelai and Rory pull up in front of Sherry's house. There are green balloons out front] LORELAI: This must be the place. RORY: I think the balloons confirm it. LORELAI: No pink, no blue. RORY: All green. LORELAI: Aren't baby shower balloons supposed to reflect the s*x of the baby? Blue for boys, pink for girls. RORY: You would think. LORELAI: What's green for, aliens? RORY: I'll ask when I go in. LORELAI: We're all set, right? Anytime you want out, just send up a flare. RORY: I will. LORELAI: Even if I'm half-naked in a changing room, I'll just grab everything and rush out. RORY: You making a half-naked entrance would be funny. [Sherry comes to the car window] SHERRY: Hi! RORY: Whoa! SHERRY: Oh, I'm sorry, I totally snuck up on you. RORY: It's okay, hi. SHERRY: Hi, Rory. Lorelai, I'm so excited you came. LORELAI: Oh, I'm just dropping Rory off. SHERRY: Oh, don't go. Stay. LORELAI: What? SHERRY: Come to the party, please? LORELAI: Oh, I don't know. SHERRY: I know that you weren't invited, but it's just cause my friends didn't think that you'd be comfortable. I told them not to worry. LORELAI: Thanks, but I'm not really dressed for a party. SHERRY: Oh, please. We're not formal here, you look fine. LORELAI: Well. . .um. . . RORY: Um, Mom kind of has plans. LORELAI: Yeah, I got a couple credit cards burning a hole in my wallet. SHERRY: Oh, go shopping some other time and come play with us. Please? There's just a bunch of people in there that Rory doesn't know, and having you here would make her so much more comfortable. RORY: Oh, I don't mind not knowing anyone at the party, really. SHERRY: That's nice, honey, but very unconvincing. Lorelai, I meant to extend the invitation to both of you. I just wasn't sure if you'd. . . Well, you know, there's lots of food, and booze for the lucky non-pregnant ones, and cake. . .it'll be fun. LORELAI: Well. . . SHERRY: I'll block your car with my stomach. LORELAI: No, don't do that. SHERRY: Please, it would mean so much. LORELAI: Well. . . um, okay, sure. SHERRY: Really? LORELAI: Yeah, let's have a party. SHERRY: Yay! [jumps up and down] LORELAI: Ooh, watch it, you'll jiggle that thing right out of you. SHERRY: A mother's perspective, thanks. CUT TO SHERRY'S HOUSE [Lorelai, Rory, and Sherry walk into the house] SHERRY: Come in, come in. LORELAI: Nice place. RORY: Very nice. SHERRY: Well, it's a work-in-progress. It was so bachelor pad before: rock posters, modular furniture, magazines everywhere. I would pick up a TV Guide and it would be three months old. [leads them to the living room] Well, here's the gang. [Six women are gathered in the room, and they greet Lorelai and Rory] SHERRY: You've got Gail, Jody, Maureen, Linda, Susan and Alice.	Plan: A: Rory; Q: Who does Lorelai take to Sherry's baby shower? A: Sherry; Q: Who is having a baby shower in Boston? A: the festivities; Q: What does Lorelai find herself dragged into against her will? A: Miss Patty; Q: Who gets a new beau? A: Jess; Q: Who comes home with a car? A: the money; Q: Luke tries to find out where Jess got what to pay for her car? A: a permit; Q: What does one of Stars Hollow's eccentric citizens request to mount a demonstration in the town square? Summary: Lorelai chauffeurs Rory to Sherry's baby shower in Boston and finds herself dragged into the festivities against her will; Miss Patty gets a new beau; Jess comes home with a car and Luke tries to find out where he got the money to pay for it; one of Stars Hollow's more eccentric citizens requests a permit to mount a demonstration in the town square.
Written by Scott Silveri & Shana Goldberg-Meehan Transcribed by Darcy and Julie Partridge [Scene: Central Perk, Ross and a beautiful blonde (Cheryl) are standing outside. The rest of the gang is watching from inside.] Cheryl: So, thank you for the delicious dinner. Ross: You're welcome for a delicious dinner. [inside] Phoebe: Hey what are you guys looking at? Chandler: Ross and the most beautiful girl in the world. Phoebe: Yeah, come to papa. [Cheryl walks away and Ross walks inside. Everyone stares at him in disbelief.] Ross: I know! Monica: Probably the only time I'll ever say this, but did you see the ass on her? Chandler: Where did you, when did you, how did you... (Joey hits the back of Chandler's head) How did you get a girl like that? Rachel: Yeah, so what is she, like a... like a spokesmodel, or an aerobics instructor, what? Ross: Actually she's a paleontology doctoral candidate, specializing in the centazoic era. Chandler: Okay, but that's, like, the easiest era. Ross: I've seen her at work, but I always figured, ah-huh? But, uh, I made her dinner. We had a great time. And we're going out again tomorrow. Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek. Ross: Fine by me; hope she wins. OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there. Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hi. You guys have any wrapping paper? Phoebe: Oo! Is it for my birthday present? Chandler: Phebes, it was your birthday, like, months ago. Phoebe: Yeah, but remember you said you ordered something special, and it just hasn't come yet? Chandler: Well, I have a call in about that. Phoebe: 'Kay. Chandler: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early edition of her favorite book. Rachel: Oh, The Velveteen Rabbit! Oh my God, when the boy's love makes the rabbit real! Chandler: Okay, but don't touch it, because you fingers have destructive oils. Rachel: Huh. Well, then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair. So this is pretty rare. How did you get that? Chandler: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren. Rachel: Oh, honey, that's so sweet. Phoebe: Yeah, and what a great way to say, "I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend!" Chandler: It doesn't say that. Does it? Ross: How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange? Chandler: Okay, all right, I'll just uh, make sure that uh, Joey gets her something really great. Phoebe: It's gotta be better than that book. Oo! Like a crossbow! Monica: (Entering from her bedroom, talking on the phone) Yeah, once again, I am sorry. Thank you. Bye. (To the gang) I just had to turn down a job catering a funeral for sixty people. Rachel: Oh my God! What happened? Monica: Sixty guests. Ross: So, uh, why did you have to turn it down? Monica: Because I don't have the money or the equipment to handle something that big on such short notice. I mean there's no way. Phoebe: Wow, what is with all the negativity? You sound like Monican't , not Monican... (Monica looks almost puzzled) ...Monica. Look, you know, you have been playing around with this catering thing for over three years. Do you want to be a caterer or not? Monica: I don't know. Phoebe: There you go, that's the spirit! Okay! Now, if you need money, I will lend you money, but just get moving! Monica: Really? Cause I'd need like $500 for all the food and the supplies and stuff. Phoebe: Okay! It's worth it, if it will get you moving. You haven't worked in months. Monica: Well, you're not working either. Phoebe: Yes, but I'm doing this. Monica: Yeah, that'd be great! Thank you! [Joey enters] Joey: Hey! Everyone: Hey. Kathy: Can I borrow the keys to your apartment? Joey: Why? [Kathy whispers something in Joey's ear] Joey: You can pee here! Kathy: Ahahaha... haha.. yes I can, of course. Excuse me. Chandler: It's okay, the duck's using our bathroom anyway. (Kathy goes into the bathroom.) Hey Joe! What are you getting Kathy for her birthday? Joey: We've only been going out for a couple of weeks, do you think I gotta get her something? Everyone: Yeah! Rachel: Yes, you have to get her something, and it should be something really nice. Joey: Oh, I know... Rachel: And not one of your coupons for an hour of "Joey Love." [cut to a new scene, also in Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting, Phoebe is nearby.] Phoebe: Ooo, a crossword! Can I help? Rachel: No! I'm sorry, honey, it's just that last week I got all but three answers and I really want to finish a whole one without any help. Phoebe: Fine. But you can't help me develop my new universal language. [Monica enters] Monica: Hey! Rachel: Hey, how'd it go? Monica: Oh my God, it was the best funeral ever! I mean, everyone loved the food, and guess what? I even got another funeral for tomorrow--the dead-guy-from-today's best friend. I mean, it is like I am the official caterer for that accident! Phoebe: Mon! I'm so happy for you! Monica: Thanks. Like, check out my new catering stuff. (Picks up two frying pans) Look at this! I'm an omelet station! Omelet? Made to order! Phoebe: I'll have one, please. Plus my money. Monica: Oh. Well, I didn't realize that you needed it back right away. I mean, you told me to go and be a caterer. So I went. I beed. I mean, I... I used it to buy all this stuff. But look--I've got another job tomorrow, so I'll pay you back with the money I make from that. Phoebe: Oh. Okay. Oo, sorry I acted like a bank. Monica: Okay. [Scene: Outside Cheryl's apartment, Ross and Cheryl are kissing] Ross: (moved by the kiss) Huh... Cheryl: Um, would you like to come in? Ross: Did homo-erectus hunt with wooden tools? Cheryl: According to recent findings! [They go into the apartment. Inside the apartment it looks like a sewage dump exploded and landed in her living room. There are clothes and food and junk covering every square inch of space. I mean pigs have nicer pens. Ross is completely shocked.] Cheryl: (throwing food around the room) Here Mitzi! Here Mitzi! Ross: Mitzi is..... Cheryl: My hamster. I hope she's okay, I haven't seen her in a while. Have a seat. Ross: (mouths "where?") Uh... Oh hey, do you, uh (steps on some garbage and falters) ...do you have any, um, Cinnamon Fruit Toasties? Cheryl: What? Ross: Well, I do! Why don't we go back to my place, light a couple of candles, break open a box of Cinnamon Fruit Toasties, uh... Cheryl: I'd rather not. Ross: Oh, yeah, why not? Cheryl: Okay, um, don't take this the wrong way, but your place kinda has a weird smell. [Scene: A kitchen where Phoebe and Monica are finishing up a catering job] Monica: Oh, is everything in the car? Phoebe: Yes. Did you settle the bill? Monica: No. I hate this part. Phoebe: Oh, look what we almost left. (Picks up a coffee maker) Monica: No, that's not mine. Phoebe: Oh, all right. Oh! Look what we almost took! [cut to the living room of the same dwelling, where the funeral guests are mingling. Monica enters.] Monica: Excuse me, Mrs. Burkart? Well, we're all cleaned up in the kitchen. Mrs. Burkart: Oh, good. Thank you. Monica: Um, and, well there's the.. the the small matter of... Mrs. Burkart: Dear? Monica: Just the matter of ...payment? Mrs. Burkart: (in grief) Jack used to handle the finances! (Breaks into tears) [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on the couch still doing the crossword. Chandler is in the kitchen.] Rachel: You know what we should all do? Go see a musical. Chandler: (confused) Sure... Rachel: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one? Chandler: I don't know... um, Grease? Rachel: No.... Chandler: Rent? Rachel: Yes! Rent! Chandler: Okay, so when do you want to go? Rachel: What? Oh, I'm sorry, I can't, I'm busy. Joey: (entering the apartment) Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls. Chandler: Yes, it is, at Office Max. Rachel: What did you get her? (Joey opens up a rectangular black box and holds up a pen.) Chandler: A pen. Joey: It's two gifts in one. It's a pen that's also a clock! Huh? Chandler: Huh-huh! You can't give her that. Joey: Why not? Chandler: Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah! Rachel: Okay, honey, what he means by that, is ...while this is a very nice gift, maybe it's just not something a boyfriend gives? Joey: Sure it is! She needs a pen for work, she's writing, she turns it over.... "Whoa! It's time for my date with Joey!" Chandler: All right, look, look. What did... what did you get for Angela Delveccio for her birthday? Joey: She didn't have a birthday while we were going out. Chandler: For three years? Joey: (whining and heading toward the door) Look, it's too late, and I got an audition. I can't shop anymore! I... Chandler: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay? Joey: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card? Chandler: Would you like me to write her a little poem as well? Joey: Or... just get a card that has a poem already in it. [Scene: Back in the kitchen at the funeral. Phoebe is there, Monica enters.] Phoebe: But Mon, you have to get our money! Monica: Oh, Phoebe, she couldn't stop crying! With those thick glasses, her tears looked giant. Phoebe: I know, it's tough. You know what the first thing I did after my mother's funeral was? Monica: What? Phoebe: Pay the caterer! Look, I've had a lot of jobs, okay, and there are some people who just always try to get out of paying. It's either, you know, "that massage wasn't long enough, or, "I don't recognize any of those songs," or, you know, "these sombreros aren't big enough. Bad little white girl!" Monica: Okay. So what do you.... you think she's faking? Phoebe: Well, it seems like there weren't any tears 'til you showed her the bill. Monica: Phoebe, she sounded pretty upset to me. [cut to the living room where Mrs. Burkart is now performing.] Mrs. Burkart: (singing) You're a grand ol' flag, you're a high-flying flag, and forever in peace may you wave.... Phoebe: She seems fine now. Mrs. Burkart: (singing) ...emblem of the land I love. The home of.... [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are standing and talking, Ross is tying a tie.] Joey: So, you just left? Her place was really that bad? Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day? Joey: Yeah. Ross: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived! (Ross takes the loosely tied tie off and hands it to Joey who puts it on.) Here. Joey: Wow. Thanks. So, uh, what happened? Ross: What do you mean? Nothing happened! I had to get out of there. Joey: All right, so... next time, you take her to your place. Ross: No, I tried that. She says it has a weird smell. Joey: What kind of smell? Ross: I don't know. Soap? Joey: All right, listen, Ross... you like this girl, right? Ross: Yeah. Joey: You wanna see her again, right? Ross: Yeah. Joey: So you're gonna have to do it in the mess! Ross: Yeah, okay you're right. Joey: Yeah. Ross: I mean, uh, who... who cares about a little sloppiness? Joey: Yeah! Ross: It's, uh... it's endearing, really. Joey: All right! Now you go get that beautiful pig! (Ross hesitates, looks unsure) Oink! [Scene: Monica and Rachel, Rachel is there, Chandler enters.] Chandler: Okay, all right. I just spent the entire afternoon looking for a present for Kathy that would be better than the rabbit. Rachel: Any luck? Chandler: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I found this great place called "Invisible things for Kathy." (Motions to an imaginary pile of presents next to him.) Can you give me a hand with all this stuff? Rachel: All right, look. Why don't you just return the book, let Joey give her the clock pen, and you give her something worse than that. Like... a regular pen. Chandler: She's really going to love this, you know? The bottom line is I want her to have it, even if I don't get to be the one who gives it to her. Rachel: Aw, honey, that's so sweet. Chandler: Yeah? You don't think it's just pathetic? Rachel: Oh! Pathetic! (Grabs the crossword puzzle and starts writing.) Joey: (entering) Hey! I'm meeting Kathy in ten minutes! I've been looking all over for you! Chandler: Where? Joey: Our place, the hall! I... Chandler: I got something for her. (Joey picks up the package, shakes it next to his ear, can't hear anything, switches ears, shakes it again.) It's a book! Joey: (Unimpressed) A book? (Suddenly interested) Is it like a book that's also a safe? Chandler: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay? Joey: You got it. Thanks man. Thanks for doing this, I owe you one. (Joey leaves, comes back in.) Oh, hey! There wasn't any change from that twenty, was there? Chandler: No, it came out to an even twenty. Joey: Wow. That's almost as much as a new book. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: In the living room at the funeral] Mrs. Burkart: (singing) Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those peepers? Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those eyes? [cut to Monica and Phoebe in the kitchen] Phoebe: You didn't get the money, did you? Monica: Maybe I can try at intermission? Phoebe, come on... you know what? Let's just go! Phoebe: No! Hey, we're not leaving until we get paid! I don't know who she thinks she is! Enough is enough! (Phoebe goes into the living room.) Hey, widow? Mrs. Burkart: (Singing) Come on along and listen to... Phoebe: Okay, Widow! Mrs. Burkart: (Singing) ...the lullabye of... Phoebe: Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go. Mrs. Burkart: All right. I'll get my bag. Phoebe: Good. (Phoebe and Mrs. Burkart go into the other room, leaving Monica with everyone staring at her.) Monica: I'm gonna leave some cards here. Please think of us for you next event. [Scene: Outside Cheryl's apartment.] Cheryl: So you want to come inside? Ross: (mustering up courage) Yes. Yes I do. (They go inside.) Cheryl: I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable. (Ross attempts to clear a place for his coat and fold it small enough to fit. Then hit sits on the couch. Something falls on him from above and he brushes his neck off frantically.) Cheryl: (sneaking up behind Ross) Guess who? Ross: Department of Sanitation? Cheryl: It's me! Ross: Oh! (She kisses him) Ah. (They kiss more, and move down onto the couch. Ross's hand moves under some garbage) Aw! (His hand is covered with something brown and gooey.) Cheryl: What? Ross: (trying to make his disgust into lust) Ah, Cheryl! Cheryl: Oh, Ross! [They sit up, moaning in excitement, and Cheryl straddles Ross. Ross finds a slice of bologna and moans higher and louder, then a bag of potato chips on the coffee table starts to move. Ross throws Cheryl off his lap, grabs a tennis racket and a toilet brush and starts pounding the bag.] Cheryl: Wait! No! No! It's my hamster! It's Mitzi! Ross: Oh my god! I'm so sorry, Cheryl. I must have freaked out. Cheryl: (looking in the bag) Oh, thank god, it's not Mitzi. It's just a rat. [Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is sitting on the couch alone. Gunther is there, going into the back room.] Rachel: I did it! Oh! I finished it! I did it all by myself! And there's nobody to hug! [From the background we hear a crash and Gunther comes running out of the back room, pushing people aside, reaching for Rachel.] Gunther: Move! [Gunther slips and falls just before reaching the back of the couch. Monica and Phoebe come into Central Perk.] Rachel: Hey! Hey, you guys, I finished the crossword all by myself! Hug me! [Gunther gets up slowly from behind the couch and walks away sadly] Phoebe: Uh... yay! Rachel: Thanks! Monica: Oh, that's great! Congratulations! Rachel: Thank you! Hey, how'd the catering go? Monica: Oh, it was great! The widow wouldn't pay, so Phoebe yelled at her 'til she did. Phoebe: Yeah. I'm a hard ass. Monica: And I'm a wuss. And we should be partners. Phoebe: Yeah. Hard Ass and Wuss. We could fight crime! Monica: Wait a minute, Phoebe! We should be partners. We should be catering partners. I mean, think about it! You're not working right now, and we have such a great time together! Phoebe: Okay! Monica: I can cook and you can take care of the money. Phoebe: Yeah. Oh! It'll be like I have a wife in the fifties! Both: (screaming with excitement) Aah! [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is there, Joey enters.] Joey: Hey! Chandler: Hey, how'd it go? How'd she like the gift? Joey: Oh, man, she loved it! She's over there showing Monica and Rachel right now. Chandler: Oh yeah? That's great! Joey: Hey, listen, I gotta tell ya, I feel kinda bad taking credit for this, because man, am I gonna get a lot of credit for this! Chandler: [nodding, with mixed feelings] Aahhuuhhh.... [Kathy enters] Kathy: Hey. Joey: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Happy birthday. Kathy: Thank you! Joey: You know, uh... [Joey moves the pen case out onto the counter.] Chandler got you a gift, too. Chandler: No he didn't. [Moving it back.] Joey: Yeah, he did, look... look, it's right there on the counter! Ha-ho-ho! Chandler: Happy birthday! I'm sorry. Kathy: You really didn't have to. (Opens the box) Wow. Chandler: See, you think it's just a pen, but then you turn it over and it's also a clock. Kathy: Yeah. No, this is great. Thank you, Chandler. (They hug). Chandler: Oh, yeah... yeah. Joey: Ah. Hm. (To Kathy) Wanna go to bed? Kathy: I'll be in in a minute. Joey: Oh, uh... don't forget your coupon. (Tries to strike a sexy pose up against the doorway to his room. Then goes inside). Chandler: [to Kathy] Goodnight. Kathy: Um, thank you for the gift. Chandler: Oh, uh, yeah... I just knew that sometimes when you're writing, you... you don't always know the exact time. Kathy: No, I... I didn't mean the pen. Thank you for the book. Chandler: Uh, the book? Kathy: The Velveteen Rabbit. I kinda have the feeling you had something to do with it. Chandler: What do you mean? Kathy: Well, uh, when Joey gave it to me, he said, "This is 'cause I know ya like Rabbits, and I know ya like cheese." Thanks. I love it. And I know how hard it must have been for you to find. Chandler: (tongue-tied) Uhl..ell. By the way, in case you missed that, that sound was, "Uhl, ell." Kathy: You must really like... Joey... to go to all that trouble for him. Chandler: Oh, yeah, he's my... he's my best friend. Kathy: Well.... Chandler: Goodnight. (Goes to his room.) Joey: (opening bedroom door) Hey, that coupon expires, you know. [SCENE_BREAK] [ending credits scene: outside Cheryl's apartment, Monica knocks on Cheryl's door] Monica: Hi. Uh, you... you don't know me, I'm Monica Geller... Ross's sister. Cheryl: Oh, yeah. Oh, you know, that's too bad that didn't work out. Monica: Yeah. Anyway, he told me about your apartment. And, um, I couldn't sleep, thinking about it. So, uh, would it be okay if I cleaned it? [Cheryl shrugs, shuts the door, looking puzzled] Monica: No? [Monica looks around the hallway, pulls out a sponge and starts scrubbing the door frame.]	Plan: A: a funeral; Q: What event does Monica cater? A: the merry widow; Q: Who intimidates Monica to avoid paying them? A: the account; Q: What did Phoebe demand the widow settle? A: their own catering business; Q: What do the girls start after Phoebe takes charge of the funeral? A: Joey; Q: Who bought Kathy a birthday present? A: his gift; Q: What did Chandler sacrifice to help Joey find Kathy a better birthday present? A: Ross; Q: Who quits his new girlfriend after seeing her filthy apartment? A: Rachel; Q: Who is determined to complete a crossword without help? A: the book; Q: What did Kathy thank Chandler for? Summary: Phoebe helps Monica cater a funeral, but the merry widow intimidates Monica to avoid paying them; Phoebe takes charge, demanding the widow settle the account, prompting the girls to start their own catering business. Chandler reluctantly helps Joey find Kathy a birthday present better than the one he bought for her, ultimately sacrificing his gift to substitute for Joey's tacky one. Ross, revolted by his beautiful new girlfriend's filthy apartment, finally calls it quits. Rachel is determined to complete a crossword without help. Kathy later thanks Chandler for the book, realizing he bought it.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] I've been convincing myself that we're good, but I'm not so sure right now. Amy: We are good. Ty: Amy, listen to me. You've changed. Amy: How have I changed? Ty: You're not the same girl. Amy: So you miss Casey. Tim: Yeah, yeah, I do. Amy: Then what are you doing, dad? You were the one who told me to fight for what you want. You know, you wanting us to get back together might be one of the smarter things you've done in a while. Ungh! Casey: You asked to get back together with me! (Laughing) Tim: Good call on my part. (Laughing) Amy: You're hung over, you look terrible... Ty: Let's just say that beer and business don't mix. Of all people, why did you call me? I just didn't really know who else to call. (Hooves thunder) (Hooves plod heavily, horse pants) (Black horse snorts and whinnies) Will: How're you doing? (High-pitched whinnies) (ATV rumbles nearby) Matt: (Yelling) You know you got fences down? Will: What? Those wild horses, they're all over my land. Ate the grass. There's nothing left for my cows. Oh, come on, Matt. No! It's all your fault, Will. Encouraging them like you do! Will: I don't encourage them. But these horses have been up here for years. Well, what do you call putting hay out for them all winter, huh? Now, let me tell you something! I'm pushing for that cull to happen. And when it does, those damn horses are gonna be the first to go. Ain't nothing you can do to stop it. Is that right? (ATV rumbles away, Will coughs) (Birds chirp) (Dish and cutlery clanks) (Truck rumbles outside) (Truck rumbles to a halt) Joanna: Hey, dad! Got your breakfast all ready. Will: That damn fool Matt Pincher, you know what he's doing? He's gunning for my little horses! It's a good thing his dad's dead, because if he were alive he'd be kicking him from here to Thursday. (Birds chirp in the silence) Oh, yeah? W-w-what's all this? I told you I'm gonna sell. Oh, this is a great day. Joanna: Listen, dad... Dad, I know this is hard. It's hard for me too. Yeah, yeah, I know. You got your reasons for wanting to go. I'm clear on that. I want you to come with me, I told you that! Will: And I'm not leaving my house, and I told you that. I'm not! Listen, dad. This is the best step for both of us. Both of us? I don't know... I don't why it's so hard for you to understand, but I'm not gonna leave Pike River without you! I'd say we got ourselves a problem, Joanna. 'Cause the only way I'm leaving my farm is in a box. In a box! Dad. I got nothing more to say. (Door bangs shut, engine starts) (Rooster crows, birds chirp) Lou: Why don't you just call him, Amy? Jack: Lou, let it go. Amy: No! Why should I call him? Ty hasn't even thanked me for picking him up from jail when he was thrown in. He should be calling me. Relationships take work, and nothing happens unless you make it happen. Amy: Well, I'm not gonna force it to happen, Lou. You know, maybe I should just let go and move on. Tim: Sometimes you have to give it a second chance. (Screen door bangs shut) Amy: No. I don't. Georgie: Has Peter called yet? Lou: Uh, he texted. His flight last night was apparently... canceled, but, um, he's flying in this morning... I think. So are we still going to the dude ranch for our family "staycation." Lou: Yes, we are. We planned it and we're doing it. Georgie: But what if he doesn't get here? Amy: Maybe you should give him a call, Lou. "Nothing happens unless you make it happen." (Phone rings) Lou: Very funny. (Phone beeps) Jack: Hello. Yeah, speaking. Well, Joanna Hawke? It's been a while. How're you doing? Oh? What seems to be the problem? Is Will okay? S08E09 ♪ And at the break of day you sank into your dream ♪ ♪ You dreamer... ♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪ You dreamer... ♪ You dreamer... Georgie: What's a cull? Lou: The um... a government committee decides there are too many wild horses, so they give out permits to capture them. But then they re-home them, right? Amy: That's the intention. Tim: They usually end up in the slaughterhouse. Amy: Dad! Georgie: What?! How could they? They're so beautiful! Lou: But why you, grandpa? I mean, what does Joanna realistically think you can do? Jack: Well, she figures he might listen to me. I'm probably his last friend standing. Amy: Okay, but wait, wait, wait. Grandpa, if Joanna called, she's obviously seriously worried, so we better go out there, and... Besides, maybe I can help gentle some of the horses and re-home them? Georgie: I'm going too. Lou: No, no, no. Georgie, this weekend is planned. And besides, your arm. Georgie: My arm is fine, and I can still help Amy with the horses. Georgie, Peter was really looking forward to some family time. He's not even here. Well, it's probably best if just Amy and I go. You've never met Will. He's not exactly the most social guy in the world. The less people, the better. Believe me. Tim: I see an opportunity. Jack, you gotta make sure that Ty goes to Pike River too. Jack: Why is that? Tim: It'd be a good chance to throw him and Amy together - to talk. Since when did you become a fan of getting them together? Since I got sick of watching Amy mooning around here all the time. I can't stand it. You heard her in there. Pike River holds good memories for them. Once they're together, they're gonna be forced to deal. Jack: Yeah, or not. Don't be so negative. This is a perfect plan. Ty and Amy need to work their stuff out on their own. You leave it alone. (Loud clank) Ty: Okay, so... Will's refusing to move out of his house? Tim: Yeah. Jack wants to go help his old buddy - drive up there, see if he can change his mind. Really. That's a long drive. Tim: Well, it seems Will's health's not so good either. And there are some wild horses involved that he's been looking after - they need medical attention, and there's talk of a... of a cull. Yeah, I've heard about that, but uh... I'm not so sure you came all the way up here to talk to me about Will. It's about Jack. You haven't been around a lot lately, but he is really going downhill. I don't think that he should go alone. So, what? You're saying that I should go up there too? I hate to ask, you know? But I didn't come here for a visit. But I get it. I know, you're busy. Forget it. Ty: No, no, no, no. I... Tim: No... no. Forget it. Tim, I wanna help Jack, okay? It's just... My truck's pretty unpredictable right now and I'm not even sure if I can make it up there. Tim: Well, mine's good. Ty: Uh... Tim: We can go together. Ty: You and I? Tim: Yeah. Ty: Uh... well, it's a long drive. It's for Jack. It's... It's not... It's for Jack. Yeah. (Trailer door opens) (SUV doors open and close, gravel clatters) Lou: Look, Georgie, honey, I know you're disappointed, but it's gonna be a really great weekend, okay? I promise. Let's unpack, come on. (Vehicle rumbles) Lou: Well, look who it is. (Taxi rumbles) (Door opens) Katie: Daddy! Peter: Hey, you! Hi! Hey! Georgie: Hi! Peter: Let's get this party started! Katie: Come on! Georgie: All right. It's nice of you to come. What's that supposed to mean? It means I know your flight wasn't canceled last night. I checked online. (Truck rumbles) Jack: Boy, what a mess. Amy: Wow. Joanna's selling? Jack: Looks like it. (Engine shuts off, doors open) (Doors bang shut) Joanna: Hey! It's so good to see you! You too, Joanna! Hi. Amy: It's been so long! (Sharp exhale) Joanna: (Sighs) You think it looks bad now? Believe me, it's way better than it was right after the flood. It's kinda quiet around here. Well, people left... To live with relatives, temporary housing. You know. And even though it's getting cleaned up now, a lot of people just haven't come back. Amy: So how's your son doing? Joanna: Sam? You wouldn't recognize him. He's this tall. He's in first year university in Calgary. Amy: No way. Joanna: (Laughs) Jack: All grown up. So when do you want me to go see Will? Joanna: (Sighs) We had a little disagreement this morning. You might wanna wait till tomorrow. Wait till he's cooled off, I guess. Jack: Oh. Hmm. Joanna: I figured you guys might wanna stay here again. (Awkward silence) Is that okay? Jack: Of course. Amy: Yeah. Joanna: Anyway, when you're ready, come on down, I'll make some dinner. Terrific. (Amy sighs heavily, cabin door opens) Jack: (Laughs) Boy, this brings back some memories, huh? (Door creaks closed) Ty: Oh, thank you. Amy: You're welcome. (Fire crackles) Ty: All right. Ty: Comfy? Amy: Mm-hmm. Amy: (Laughing) Are you cold? Ty: (Laughs) Amy: I'll make you some tea. It'll warm you up. Ty: All right. (Faucet squeaks) Amy: Or... not. Ty: Oh, forget it. (Water spurts violently) Ty: Oh! Ty: Agh! Amy: (Laughing) Jack: Amy, remember that one night, it was so cold we all had to bunk in front of this fireplace. (Sighs) I'm here to work, grandpa. No place for a diamond ring. How're you doing? I didn't think it would be this hard. (Flap rustles) Peter: (Chuckles and groans) Whoa. Georgie: Wow! Peter: You sure you wanna sleep in here? Yeah! Absolutely! Okay. Well, we'll clean it out then, I guess. Great. I can stay in here with you if you want, you know? Oh, no, it's all right. A few cobwebs don't scare me. (Chuckles) Okay. If you say so. Hey, you know what? Uh... Mom said that you were kind of bummed that you didn't get to go to Pike River. But selfishly, I'm really glad you didn't because I've been travelling so much, I never get to see you guys and I miss you. Georgie: I miss you too. So does Lou. A lot, actually. She really wants you to spend more time with us. You know, she gets really angry when you don't come home when you say you Will. She goes on and on and on. Hmm. Good to know. (Door opens and closes) Chad: Well, look who it is. Amy Fleming and Jack Bartlett! The horse rescuers! Jack: Chad! Good to see you, man. So what brings you here? Amy: Oh, we're visiting Joanna. Yeah, and Will. Chad: Oh, is that all? It wouldn't have anything to do with, you know, the cull now, would it? Amy: Uh... maybe. (Sighs) Well, here we go again. No matter. Welcome back! Amy: (Laughs) Jack: (Chuckling) Thanks. (Low hum of chatter) (Old country music) ♪...Won't make me happy, but it surely pays the bills ♪ ♪ I keep going down town, spending it, honey- ♪ (Engine cuts out) Tim: Wow! That went by pretty fast. Nothing like a good cd to help time fly by, huh? Ty: Yeah, especially when it's on a loop for five hours. Tim: Yeah. Ty: Yeah. (Door opens and closes) What the...? Hey, Jack. You're looking good. Really good. How're you feeling? I'm feeling just fine. Why? What are you doing here, Tim? Chad: Ty Borden! Ty: Hey, Chad! Good to see you! Chad: Good to see you. Tim. Tim: Chad. (Amy and Joanna chatter) Ty: Amy. Hi, Joanna. Joanna: This is a surprise. Ty, it's good to see you. What're you doing here? Grandpa? Don't look at me. Ty: I came to help with Will's horses. Tim said they need medical attention. Matt: Will's horses? You talking about his wild horses? 'Cause there's no helping them, buddy. And if that's what you're here for, I'd go right back where you came from 'cause, those horses, their time is up. Dad you can't be serious. Chad: Look, uh... I don't like Matt t Pincher or the way he goes about things, but those horses have got to go. I... I... I agree with him. Amy: How can you agree with him? Those horses have every right to be there. I mean, you can't cull them. That's wrong. Chad: No offence, but you can't possibly know how much of a problem it is unless you've lived here. I can't count the number of times they've taken out my fences. But... but never mind that. It's a, it's a total environmental concern. Amy: How? Chad: Because they eat the grass, and so do the deer, and the elk, so it's a case of overgrazing. Jack: (Frustrated sigh) We're talking tens of thousands of acres here, Chad. They're not exactly overrunning the countryside! Fact is, the population's way up and there isn't enough predators to naturally cull them out. Not enough predators?! Are you kidding me? There's wolves, cougars, coyotes, there was the flood and the bad winter... Chad: Look, guys, you've got this fairy tale idea in your head of the noble wild horses running free. There is way more to it than that. Chad: Yeah? Would it be different if they were ugly feral boars running out there wrecking everything? You'd shoot 'em on sight. Amy: No, I wouldn't, but you can't compare the two. Chad: Yes, you can. It's called a double standard... I'm sorry, Joanna, but that's the way it is, and the sooner your dad realizes that, the better. I mean, y-you heard him. Matt's on the warpath, especially when it comes to Will's horses. Joanna: That's enough, Chad, they just got here. Let 'em eat. Chad: Yeah. (Door opens, crow caws in the distance) Jack: So Amy and me, we're in Joanna's cabin. Tim: Okay, well, Ty and I'll be at the hotel. Amy: 'Kay. Good night. (Low hum of chatter) (Quietly) Thanks, Tim. Why didn't you tell me that Amy was gonna be here? You didn't ask. (Crow caws, low hum of chatter) Amy: Why is Ty here? Jack: Look, I don't know what your dad told him. He thought it was a good idea for you guys to talk. I didn't agree. But now that we're all here, Amy, we gotta get on with what needs doing. But doesn't dad realize how awkward this is for us? Especially here of all places. It's just... It's too painful. Help me keep a safe distance, okay? (Door bursts open) Tim: Joanna failed to mention that there is no water or electricity at the hotel since the flood, so I'm here with you. Uh, so where's Ty? He chose to stay in the truck. (Crickets chirp, coyotes and wolves howl) (Georgie sighs, rustling sounds) (Squeaking) (Frightened, but determined sigh) (Door closes, slow, even footsteps) (Cupboard opens) (Padding footsteps, loud gasp) Amy: Oh... (Sighs) Ty. I didn't- I didn't know you were here. Ty: Sorry. Amy: I'm just getting some orange juice. Ty: Getting some water. (Tap runs, fridge closes) Do you remember the last time we were here, that water was so... (Laughing) Gross. Yeah. And the blocked chimney and all the smoke... Hey, Ty, thank you for standing up for me tonight. I like Chad, I do, but really, all that stuff about those horses not having any predators...? It was a bunch of crap. Yeah. Hey, Amy... (Whispering) Is Jack okay? Yeah. Of course. Why? Ty: Well, your dad said that he... Never mind, it... it's your dad. I should've known. Yeah. Good night. Good night. (Receding footsteps) Amy: What was that? Ty: It's the damper! Ugh! (Fire crackles) Amy: Oh... (Laughs) Ty: Oh, man. Ty: (Coughing) Whoa! It's like your dad rigged the place. Oh! (Door creaks closed) Katie is fast asleep, finally. (Wolves howl in the distance) (Blows out breath) So, I need to know, Peter. Why... why didn't you take that flight last night? Why did you tell me it was canceled when it wasn't? How do you think I felt? I go online, and there it is. Flight status: On time. What am I supposed to think? Why didn't you just tell me? Peter: Because Lou, um, if I told you, I was afraid that you would just... You're head would just explode like it usually does, okay? I would rather you just told me the truth. Okay, well, I'd had two weeks of incredibly intense and stressful negotiations, I was at meeting, after meeting, after meeting, and I just needed one night... One night to just decompress before I came home. What about my night to...? I never get a chance to decompress, honey. Okay... point taken. (Sighs heavily) You know what? Georgie's been telling me how angry you get when I don't come home as often as you think I should. So, apparently, now you're sharing all these negative feelings with our... with our kids? Lou: No, I don't. Peter: So I'm always the bad guy? You can't involve them in our personal issues like that, Lou. It-it's not fair. They shouldn't have to shoulder that burden. If anything, I am covering for you. (Door opens) Georgie: Can I sleep with you guys? I mean, it is way too scary out there for me to sleep by myself! Lou: Shh... Katie is sleeping, okay? Peter: Hey, I'll tell you what. Why don't you and I bunk together in the teepee? Georgie: Oh, okay. Peter: Huh? It's been a while since I've slept under the stars myself. Georgie: (Giggles) Lou: Peter... Georgie: You got bug spray? Bear spray? Good night, Lou! (Door shuts, fire crackles) [SCENE_BREAK] (Birds chirp) (Truck rumbles) Will: Well, would you look what an ill wind blew up right here. Jack Bartlett! Jack: How are you doing, you miserable old dog? Will: You watch who you're calling a dog. Jack: (Laughing) Will: Good to see you! Oh, Amy! This is a nice surprise. It's good to see ya. Amy: You too. Ty: Hey, Will. Will: And Ty! Ty: Good to see you. Will: Yeah. Looking good. I don't suppose you guys remember that pregnant mare you rescued? Look over there. That's her foal, Lucky, and that's his younger brother Sky, who's a bit of a character. Jack and Amy: (Laughing) Tim: It must have been pretty rough here after the flood. It was. I think it changed people. Well, you haven't changed. Ah... (Laughs) You know, actually I have. I'm uh... I'm sorry I didn't call you. (Laughs) Life gets in the way. I didn't call you either. So with this place for sale, what're your plans? Joanna: Well, there's a nice area near Okotoks I'm looking at. It's close to Calgary, so I'd get to see Sam a lot more. What about your dad? He's digging in his heels as usual. I'm hoping Jack might change his mind. I'm afraid I used the wild horses as an excuse to get Jack and Amy up here. Guilty of the same offence. Ty's studying to be a vet... Joanna: And you lured him up here too? Because of Amy? Well... they're engaged. They were engaged. They-they... They should be engaged. And I just thought if I could throw them together... You could trap them up here. We're bad. (Laughs) Yeah, we are... Well, in a good way. It's really good to see you. You, too. (Mugs clink) Amy: I remember the night Lucky was born. It feels like so long ago. He seems pretty interested in the wild horses. Will: Oh, he is that. Sometimes I worry that he's gonna take off with them. Amy: Would you mind if I got a closer look at the herd? Will: Well, sure, if you want to. I mean, they're pretty wary though. Jack: Hey, Will. Will: Yeah? Jack: You got time for a chat? Will: Well, sure. You want some tea? Jack: Well, I'd love some tea. Will: Well, let's go. Will: What's going on with you? Jack: Well... I had a heart attack. I had three. Jack: No kidding. Will: Yeah. Well, okay, I guess you got me beat. Will: Again. Jack and Will: (Laugh) I'm the big winner. Since I last saw you, I got married. Will: No you didn't! Jack: Yes, I did. Who the hell'd marry you? Only the most beautiful woman you've ever seen. Will: Really? Jack: Yup. Yeah, my heart attack almost put an end to us. She couldn't cope? No. No, she was great. It was me that couldn't cope. It makes you look in the mirror, you know? Yes it does. Anyway, we're married. Independent. She travels. I don't. Will: Isn't life weird? Jack: (Chuckles) Will: It is, you know? You know, here it is we kinda come up together, started out the same time, and we rodeoed... Jack: (Chuckles) Yeah. Will: Played music. And then we met these wonderful women, we had kids. But you... you're still right there, aren't you? Well, I think you need to get back in the centre of things. See Sam, move with Joanna. Will: Okay. Now I get it. 'Cause it's not like you to show up outta the blue anywhere, is it? What the hell business has she going and involving you in our private affairs?! She's worried about you, Will. She wants to move, be closer to Sam, she wants you to go with her. Will: Well, I'm staying here! (Slaps table) Right here! I really don't need anyone coming here handing out stupid advice. You're just wasting your own good time, and you're wasting mine. Now what the...? (Horse whinnies) (Wild horse snorts threateningly) (Snorting and stamping ground threateningly) (Horses whinny) I've been feeding these horses for years and never got that close to 'em. That's Amy for you. She's got a way. Will: Wow. I know you think I'm just being kinda stubborn about all this, but I just really can't leave them. I can't leave them, Jack. Not now. I get why you wanna protect 'em. Will: You know it's my neighbour, my good friend there. We looked after these horses, and there were some serious cold days. Without us, they definitely would've died. Malcolm Pincher, what a guy. Painted 'em! Really good painter. You should see some of his paintings. Beautiful. Malcolm Pincher? It's uh... related to Matt Pincher? Yeah. Father and son. That's his father. Jack: No kidding. Will: For God sakes. So look, Jack, it's always great to see you. Jack: Yeah. Don't ever get me wrong on that point. But, you know, Joanna should never have called you. She should never have brought you all the way up here. Stupid. Jack: Well, listen. Before I go, can we just... see if Amy can help those horses? And what is it do you think she can do? Well, she can gentle some of 'em. And find homes for 'em. I don't know. It feels wrong to me somehow. Well, if there's a cull, it's a better alternative wouldn't you say? Will: Oh... (Groans) Oh, God... Hey, are you okay? Hey, hey, hey... Yeah... yeah, I'm good. (Sighs) Just gotta sit down. Amy: It's okay. You don't need to be afraid. (Horse sniffs and snorts) Hi... hey... That's it. Come on! Here! (Spartan grunts) (Laughs) Aren't they incredible? Hello. Casey. You're breaking up. Case? Hey! There you are. No, no, no. The phone was breaking up, (laughing) Not-not us. Yeah, okay, I miss you too. I'll see you. Okay. Couple days. Bye. (Phone beeps off) Oh... I always forget you get lousy reception up here. Thank you. Joanna: So? It's your turn. What's been going on in your life since I saw you last? Tim: Oh, wow. Where do I begin? Well, I found out that I have a son I didn't know about. Yeah, that was a big surprise. His name is Shane. He's a good kid. We spend a lot of time together. Joanna: And his mother? Ty: Uh... girlfriend from my misspent post-divorce days. So we tried to spend some time together, make it work for Shane, but... it didn't, and now she's seeing a lawyer. A young lawyer. Young, good-looking lawyer. That must just about kill you. I've come to terms with it. (Laughing) What's new with you? I thought you might be heartbroken when I didn't call you, but you seem to be fine. Joanna: I am. I put the past behind me like you told me to, remember? Tim: Yeah. Joanna: Took me awhile, but I've met someone that... I don't know, I think I could be serious about. Tim: Good! Well, I met someone too. Yeah, her name's Casey McMurtry. She runs rodeos. Joanna: You should go for it. Tim: Yeah, I don't know. I don't wanna get too serious, too fast. I don't have the best track record. (Joanna chuckles, birds chirp) (Canoe Bobs in the water) Georgie, grab a life jacket! Let's go. (Twigs clatter) Lou: What're you doing? We're gonna take the canoe out. I can't wait to teach you how to paddle. I was really good at it when I was your age. Georgie: Okay! Lou: Um, Peter, your daughter has a broken arm. I don't know how she's gonna get in the canoe, much less... paddle. (Laughs) Oh, yeah, right. Georgie: Great. Peter: Ah... okay! Well, let's go fish off the end of the dock then? Georgie: Same thing! How am I supposed to reel anything in? Peter... she can't. Peter: Sure you can. We can be a team. You work the rod, I'll do the reel, if we're lucky enough to get something. Go get the rods, come on! Georgie: Okay, fine! (Laughing) Come on. (Running hooves, high-pitched whinny) Amy: Hey, Ty, this one's got a bad cut on him. Do you have anything that'll help? Ty: Well, I have my kit in your dad's truck. He'll probably need to be dewormed too. (Horse whinnies sharply) (Wild horses thunder away) Sorry about that. (Birds chirp) Hey, uh... What do you think about taking Sky and Lucky out for a little ride? Amy: Um... yeah, sure. All right. (Hooves plod lightly, tack jingles) (Birds chirp) Ty: What's this? Amy: It's a horse trap. (Whispers) Ty... (ATV rumbles nearby) (ATV rumbles to a stop) (Saltlick thumps on ground) Amy: He's baiting the horses with salt. (Gate creaks open) (Horse snorts) (Birds chirp) (ATV rumbles away) (Birds chirp, fire crackles) (Reel winds) Georgie: Peter, I got something! I got it, Peter! Peter: Oh, good, good, good! You're doing good! Here. (Laughs) All right, hold it! Georgie: Okay, okay, okay. I'll hold it, I'll hold it. Peter: Okay, I'll reel it in. Georgie: Okay. Oh! Peter: Woo! (Laughing) Georgie: Okay! (Laughing) Georgie: Okay, okay. Peter: You got him, you got him. Georgie: Okay, okay. Peter: Easy, easy. Georgie: I'll try to reel him in. (Water splashes) Okay, okay. Georgie: (Squeals) Oh my God! Katie: Mama, they caught a fish! Lou: Yeah. Georgie: (Laughing) Okay! Peter: Closer, closer. Georgie and Peter: (Laughing excitedly) Georgie: We got one! Peter: Good job! Georgie: (Laughing) Woo-hoo! Joanna: Hey, Jack. So did you get a chance to talk to dad about the move? Jack: Yeah, I did. It seems his herd of horses is a bigger issue than you thought. There's no way he's gonna even consider moving until that's put to rest. (Door closes) Matt: Listen up, everyone. I just came from the meeting. Stamped, sealed and approved. The cull is on. Here's my permit. Chad: So you ingratiated yourself into that group, right, Matt? I got the permit totally without prejudice. (Laughing) There's no way that's true. You can't make friends with all those reps and then give yourself the only permit before any of us even know the cull's happening. I had no more knowledge of when or if this cull was actually gonna happen than any of you guys did. Amy: Okay, so if you didn't know it was happening, then why did you build a corral in the middle of nowhere, just waiting and ready for those horses to be penned up in? Chad: Is that... true? Oh... so you did have an inside word before us. You all knew that this cull was coming. Anyone of you could've prepared, but you didn't. Tim: Yeah, but like Amy said, sounds like you knew before anybody else. Excuse me, who are you? You tell your dad, he better not try to protect those horses. 'Cause if he tries to fight me, he's gonna lose. Amy: Okay. Okay. So the cull has been ordered. It's Matt, right? Why don't we at least try to gentle some of the horses. Ty: We could get them a clean bill of health... Amy: And we could re-home them. Matt: Yeah, that all sounds wonderful, but you're not gonna have time to put those splendid plans into practice. You're a bit late to the game. (Door opens and closes) Hey, Amy. I just wanted to say um... how proud I am of you... For standing up to Matt like you did in there. That was great. Thanks. (Chuckles) I guess that's one good thing about being on tour. I learned to deal with a very opinionated and aggressive group of people. (Chuckles awkwardly, crow caws) I can't believe what this flood did. Look at this. (Sighs) Yeah. The whole course of the river's changed since we were here. I'm gonna head in. (Receding footsteps) (Fire crackles, birds chirp) Lou: So cute. Georgie's reading Katie a bedtime story. Yeah. She's amazing with her, eh? Yeah. So... um, we haven't had much time alone to talk. I know... (Sigh) Um... You made it pretty clear to me that you don't feel like I'm supporting you in the way that I should. I feel like I'm... outside this family looking in. You know, that's- that's just how I feel. That's not my fault, Peter. I'm not trying to point fingers and blame, here. I'm trying to... Lou: You've done it to yourself, though. You're away so much that you feel left out, and because you feel left out you stay away longer. That... that makes no sense. It makes perfect sense to me. And then you lie about flights being canceled to justify staying away longer. Peter: It was one time, Lou! That was one time, you know? And I didn't say anything because I knew you'd react like this! This is my fault because - wow! - I react badly to being lied to?! (Fire crackles) (Peter sighs) (Birds chirp, rooster crows) (Hay rustles, low hum of ATV) (ATV rumbles nearby) Man: Yah! Yah! Will: Oh! Matt! (Horses whinny) Riders: Yah! Yah! Matt, what're you doing?! (ATV rumbles) Man: Yah! (Horses whinny, ATV rumbles) (Hooves thunder) (Horses whinny) Rider: Yah! Come on! Yah! Rider 2: Keep that line! (ATV rumbles) (High-pitched whinnies) Rider: Yah! (Hooves thunder, horses whinny) Rider: Got 'em, got 'em! Yah, yah, yah! Come on! Yah! Hi-yah! Hi-yah! (Gates clank shut) (Horses snort nervously) Rider: Good job. (Chain clanks, gate rattles) Amy: Hey, Will?! (Door bangs shut) Ty: Will! Amy: Will! (Phone chimes) (Ty bangs on door) Amy: Joanna, hi. Whoa. Whoa, slow down. (Ty rattles doorknob) Don't worry, we'll find him. Okay, bye. (Phone beeps off) Matt's rounded up those horses, and Joanna can't find her dad. Georgie: Give me something to carry, dad! (Doors bang shut) Peter: Okay! Peter: There you go, buddy. Georgie: Thanks! Peter: And here's one for you, Kitty Kat. Georgie: All right, come on, Katie. Let's go. Peter: Good job! Lou: So um... can you stay for a few days? I know that wasn't the best "staycation" in the world, but... the girls really love having you around. Um... can I say something here? I don't think this is working out. That's what I've been saying. (Vehicle rumbles down driveway) Peter: Yeah. (Rumbling) Um, we need to do something about it. I agree. Stay home more and we'll work on it. (Door opens) Peter: That's not where I was going with this, but I... Peter: Hi. Can I help you with something? Abby: Are you Peter Morris and Lou Flemming Morris? Peter: Yeah. Abby: Abby Turnbull. I'm with the child protection society. (Metallic clanking and rattling) Ty: Hey, Will, what's your plan? Will: Let's get 'em outta here! Let's go, let's go! Ty: Yah! Yah! Amy: Come on! Let's go! Get on! Yah! (ATV rumbles) Matt: Hey! What the hell are you doing? Ty: Whoa! Put the gun down, Matt! (Matt cocks the gun) Matt: Are you crazy? I told you not to fight me on this! Close the gate, Will! I mean it! (Loud gunshot blast, horses whinny) (Hooves thunder) Amy: Get 'em out! (Hooves thunder, horses whinny) Matt: You'll regret this! All o' ya! Will: (Groans) Amy: Will? Will: I'm fine. Just keep going! Keep 'em moving! (Horses whinny) There's been a complaint. A complaint. About Georgie's living conditions and welfare. Wh-who made this complaint? Abby: That's confidential information. You'll both need to cooperate with us fully or measures will be taken to remove Georgie from your household. Excuse me?! (Receding footsteps) Ty: (Panting) Amy: (Laughing) Can you believe what we just did?! (Sighs) No. I can't. That was completely awesome! (Kissing) (SUV rumbles) (SUV rumbles to a halt) (Doors bang shut) RCMP Officer: Ty Borden? Amy Fleming? You're under arrest for horse theft. Announcer: On the next Heartland. I'm with the child protection society. There's been a complaint. You're trying to take me away from all the people that I've ever loved. Announcer: The ties that bind break apart. What do you want? Announcer: What happens next when Heartland returns, Sunday, January 11th at 7:00 on CBC.	Plan: A: a cull; Q: What threat looms over a herd of wild horses? A: Amy; Q: Who does Ty kiss and then get arrested with? A: an old friend; Q: Who do Jack and Amy help in Pike River? A: Tim; Q: Who takes Ty to Pike River to force Amy and Ty to talk? A: major marriage problems; Q: What are Lou and Peter having? A: social services; Q: Who shows up to Lou and Peter's marriage problems? Summary: When a threat of a cull looms over a herd of wild horses, Jack and Amy aid an old friend in Pike River. Tim takes Ty to Pike River to force Amy and Ty to talk. Ty and Amy kiss and then get arrested. Lou and Peter are having major marriage problems and to top it off social services show up.
[Scene: Manor. Dining room. Paige is sitting at the table. The table is covered with drinks, cookies, chips and other snacks. Phoebe walks in holding a hot water bottle against her tummy.] Phoebe: Ooh. Any idea what this meeting's all about? (Phoebe sits at the table.) Paige: Oh, probably something to do with the kids. Phoebe: Why, did something happen? Paige: Oh, I'm sure they've gotten kidnapped by the latest demon or something. Phoebe: Paige, that is so not funny. Paige: You get so emotional when you're PMS-ed. Phoebe: And you get mean. Paige: I do not get mean. I'm above it all. Nothing happens to me. (Piper walks in.) Piper: All righty then! (Paige is startled and orbs out and back in.) Phoebe: Oh, right, nothing happens to you. You're above it all. Paige: Fine, I get a little jumpy. Piper: And I get a little pissy, so watch it. Phoebe, Paige: We know. Paige: The good news is we all get over it at the same time. Piper: As long as we don't kill each other in the process, which brings me to what we need to talk about. Paige: Ah, that sounds serious. That calls for ice cream with three spoons. (Ice cream orbs in in front of Paige.) Phoebe: Ah-ah-ah! Personal gain. Paige: I know, but screw it, it's too good. (Paige puts a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.) Piper: Anyway, I've been wanting to tell you guys something for a while. Um, I just didn't know how to say it. Phoebe: Oh, my god, are you pregnant again? Piper: No, this is not a good thing. Do you guys remember Zola, the Elder who disappeared? Paige: Yeah. Piper: Well, he didn't disappear. He was killed. Leo killed him. Phoebe: Leo killed him? Paige: Heh! Piper: It was an accident. He didn't mean to. I mean, he was tricked. Paige: You might want to tell that to Zola. (The light bulbs in the chandelier above the table smash.) Phoebe, Paige: Oh! (Piper storms into the kitchen. Phoebe and Paige follow.) Phoebe: Hey, hey, what was that? Piper: I was angry. Paige: Uh, yeah, but you blew it up without even looking at it. Piper: Well, our emotions are tied to our powers so apparently I'm feeling a little weird. Paige: Well, okay, but... Piper: I was just hoping for a little understanding, that's all. Phoebe: I know. We're sorry. It's just, we're not big fans of the Elders right now. Paige: I mean, plus it's not like Leo could really hurt anybody anyway. We don't believe that he could actually do that. Piper: Well, unfortunately the Elders don't think that way. And if they can prove that he did do it, they won't think he did it by accident. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: Sorry to interrupt, but I have to tell you something that you're probably not gonna like. Paige: Did you kill anybody else? I'm sorry. Leo: You told them? Piper: Well, I had to. It affects them too. Leo: More than you know. They want to assign you a new Whitelighter because of it. Phoebe: What? Leo: They're getting more suspicious about what happened. They want to make sure you're protected. Paige: Protected from what? You? Piper: They're out of their minds. Leo: Still, he's gonna be sent here tomorrow. Piper: Well, I hope I don't blow him up. Leo: Piper, you can't blow up a whitelighter. Phoebe: Why not? She blows you up all the time. Piper: Look, we have enough people orbing in and out of here on a daily basis and we don't need another. (The toaster blows up.) Leo: Got it. (He orbs out.) Phoebe: That was a great toaster. [Scene: Park. Danny, the new Whitelighter, is there meditating in the air. Leo orbs in.] Leo: You know, you probably shouldn't be doing that out in the open. Danny: Oh, please! Nobody's here. It's midnight. Besides, I would've sensed if anybody was coming. Leo: You didn't sense me. Danny: You're an Elder. Or at least you used to be. Leo: You know, I just here to tell you that maybe you don't want to go by the sisters' house tomorrow. Just a friendly warning. Danny: Oh, yeah? Did you warn Zola, too, before something happened to him? You see, the word's out, Leo. Nobody knows which side you're on anymore, which is precisely why I am going to the sisters tomorrow. It's a dream job for any Whitelighter. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to prepare myself. (Leo orbs out. Danny hears rustling in the bushes near by.) Danny: Leo? (Something growls. Then three black wolf-like creatures jump out of the bushes and attack Danny. Danny falls to the ground and screams as they maul him to death.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. The fire alarm beeps. Smoke is coming out of the oven. Piper and Leo walk in.] Piper: Oh, no. (She walks over to the oven.) Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's the second batch. (She opens the oven and pulls out burned muffins.) Could you turn that thing off? Leo: Uh, I'll get the ladder. Piper: Oh, forget it. (She blows up the fire alarm.) Leo: Hey, what is going on with you guys? Piper: Witches with PMS. Look out. Great. Now not only am I exhausted but I'm starving. (Phoebe and Paige walk in.) Phoebe: Oh, I'll see your exhausting and starving and I raise you bloated. (She sees the burnt muffins.) Oh, no, no. That is so sad. Paige: Hey, no weeping. You promised. Leo: Have you guys seen the new Whitelighter yet? Paige: No, Leo. You probably scared him off. Leo: No, that's the thing. I didn't scare him off. He should've been here by now. I'll be right back. (Leo orbs out.) Piper: Better not be with that Whitelighter. Phoebe: Did anyone else have weird dreams last night? Piper: No, you? Phoebe: Yeah, and they were really violent and like painful. Paige: Hey, you wanna go somewhere with me? Phoebe: Where? Paige: I have to go over to Agent Brody's place and, uh, try to snoop around. Find out if he's a demon or not. Phoebe: You think he's a demon? Paige: No, I don't. But Piper does. Piper: I don't know what he is, but more importantly, we need to find out what he wants. We have enough to worry about around here without having to worry about him too. So can you go with Miss Jumpy here and make sure she doesn't orb out in front of him, just in case he is a Fed and nothing else? Paige: I can control myself. Phoebe: I can't go anyway. I have to go to work. Piper: I thought you weren't going back in for a couple of days. Phoebe: I'm not, but that's when Les leaves and I just -- I have this feeling that he's pulling away from me. Paige: Hey, maybe he's pulling away from you because he's, uh, I don't know, leaving. Phoebe: That might be true. Piper: Okay, would you please just be careful around Brody? And we'll talk about Leo moving in when I get back. (Piper leaves the kitchen.) [Scene: Magic School. Four Elders are standing around Danny trying to heal him. Leo orbs in.] Leo: Odin? (Odin walks over to Leo.) Odin: Where have you been? Leo: With the girls. Why, wh-what happened? What's wrong with him? Odin: You don't know? Leo: No, I don't know. Wait, you think I did this? Odin: We don't know what to think, except that he was supposed to report to the Charmed Ones and you didn't want him to. Leo: So that makes me guilty? How do you know a Darklighter didn't do this? Odin: Does that look like a Darklighter did that? You were the last one to see him, Leo. Just like you were the last one to see Zola. Leo: It wasn't me. Odin: No? Then who was it? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Wyatt's room. Piper is standing at the doorway.] Piper: Have a nice nap. Sweet dreams. (She closes the door and walks down the hallway. Phoebe and Paige walk up to her.) Phoebe: Hey, could we talk to you for a sec? Piper: What about? Paige: Well, it's about Leo, you know, moving back in. Piper: Is there a problem? Paige: Well, you know we love, love Leo, but, uh... Piper: But? Phoebe: Are you sure this is a good time for this? I mean, like you said, it's really crazy. So much is going on. Paige: Yeah, you know, Zola, the Elders. Phoebe: Agent Brody. Paige: And, um, he does hear voices. Piper: We all hear voices sometimes. (Piper starts walking down the stairs. Phoebe and Paige follow.) Paige: Yeah, we might hear voices, but we don't see little floating heads going along with them. Piper: All the more reason he should be here where he is safe. Phoebe: But what about the boys? Piper: What about them? Phoebe: Well, aren't you afraid they'll be in danger? Piper: From who? Leo? That's ridiculous. Phoebe: No, not from Leo. Whoever's after Leo. Paige: Have you thought it through? Piper: Look, I just want my family back. Isn't that enough? (A bunch of flowers in a vase sitting on a table at the bottom of the stairs blow up. Paige orbs out and orbs back in.) Phoebe: What is going on with our powers lately? Piper: I don't know, but it's getting awfully expensive. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: What happened? Phoebe: That's a good question. I'll be with Leslie. We'll talk about what we were talking about later. Piper: No, there's nothing else to talk about. (Phoebe leaves.) Paige: You want me to cast a spell and clean up? Piper: No more magic unless we have to. Leo: We might have to. I found out why the Whitelighter didn't show up. He was attacked. Piper: By a Darklighter? Leo: No, by me. At least that's what the Elders think. Piper: Oh, you've gotta be kidding. Leo: I was the last one to see him. Piper: Well, obviously not. Maybe the Elders are setting you up. Leo: Piper. Piper: Well, what? They haven't exactly been your greatest allies lately. Leo: I'm more concerned that it has something to do with you guys. I mean, he was gonna come here and be your Whitelighter, your guide. You know, maybe somebody doesn't want that. Paige: I'll go check the Book of Shadows. Piper: No, I'll do it. You should go find out about Brody. For all we know, he could have something to do with this. (Paige heads for the front door.) Leo: Listen, I'm sorry, getting you into all this. Piper: It's not your fault. Let's go prove it. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's Office. Les is there reading the paper. Phoebe walks in and looks over his shoulder.] Phoebe: Since when do you read horoscopes? Les: Since I decided to make "Conflicted in Castro" my last letter. She, uh, doesn't know if she should stay with someone, worries that their signs might not be compatible. Phoebe: I didn't know you believed in that stuff. Les: Well, I don't, but I know you do. I'm just channelling the boss here. Phoebe: Hmm. Let me see. (She takes the paper.) "Expect the unexpected when the mystical second blue of the year rises over the next three nights, and mars in Aries, romance can flourish." Hmm. Sounds promising. Les: Well, for her maybe. Phoebe: What is that supposed to mean? Les: Nothing. Phoebe: Les, something's wrong. I know it is, and I've been feeling it for the last few days. Les: Funny. I've been feeling the same thing from you. Phoebe: Okay, so do you want to talk about it? Les: What is there to talk about? I'm moving away, you're coming back to work and that's it, isn't it? Phoebe: Well, it doesn't have to be. Les: Doesn't it? I mean, what are we gonna do, fly back and forth and see each other? Phoebe: You're only moving to L.A. Les: Yeah, but then after that I'm moving back to Philly. Phoebe: So we'll work something out. Les: We barely see each other here. How are we gonna do it long distance? Phoebe: Wait, we see each other here. Les: Only when you don't bail on me at the last minute, which you do all the time. I mean, admit it. (The intercom beeps.) Yeah. Voice From Intercom: Editorial is waiting on your copy. Les: Alright, alright. (to Phoebe) I gotta do this. Phoebe: Okay, so when do you want to talk? Les: I don't know. Uh, how about tonight at dinner? Phoebe: I can't do dinner tonight. But I can do breakfast tomorrow, and then maybe dinner and then maybe breakfast again. Les: I'll hold you to it. (Phoebe leaves.) [Scene: Agent Brody's Apartment. Agent Brody looks out his window and sees Paige's car parked on the street with Paige sitting in it. He smiles and grabs his keys.] [Cut to Paige's car. She sees Agent Brody leave his apartment. She crouches down and orbs out.] [Cut to Agent Brody's Apartment. Paige orbs in.] Paige: Definitely a bachelor. (The door opens and Agent Brody walks in.) Agent Brody: Hey. (Paige orbs out and back in.) Whoa. Paige: Guess the secret's out. Agent Brody: Can you do that whenever you want to? Paige: Yeah. And apparently when I don't want. Piper's gonna kill me. Agent Brody: I won't tell her. Paige: Thank you. Agent Brody: Not as long as you tell me why you broke into my apartment. Paige: Blackmailing. I knew there'd be something. Agent Brody: Let me guess. You don't believe that I'm really a Federal Agent. You came here to find out if I'm a demon or something, right? Paige: Maybe. Agent Brody: The best way to find out is to test my blood, isn't it? Paige: Funny. For a guy who claims he's not a demon, you sure do know a lot about them. Agent Brody: No, I know a lot about witches. I know a lot about you. So go ahead. Forensics kit's right there. I've got nothing to hide. (Paige picks up a knife and a vial. He holds out his finger.) Paige: May I? Agent Brody: You may. (Paige stabs the tip of his finger and the blood drips into the vial.) If that's o-positive, you owe me. Paige: I don't owe you anything. Agent Brody: I don't have much time, Paige. None of us do. Look, if I'm right, there's a new threat coming, a new power unlike anything that you've ever seen before and you're gonna need my help to stop it. Paige: How do I know you're not the threat? Agent Brody: I don't want to hurt you. (Paige orbs out.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is looking through the Book of Shadows. Leo is pacing across the room.] Piper: I give up. Leo: We've gotta be missing something. Piper: The only thing that attacks a Whitelighter is a Darklighter. That's it. Leo: But he wasn't shot with a poisoned arrow. He was mauled. Piper: What do you mean mauled? Like by an animal? Leo: I don't know. Whatever it was, it's gotta be supernatural. Otherwise he would've orbed out. Plus, there's gotta be more than one of them. He was so messed up. Piper: So we'll set a trap. Leo: A trap? Piper: With the crystals. We've done it before. Leo: But what are you gonna use to lure the demons? Piper: A Whitelighter, if that's what they're after. Leo: No way. The Elders would never go for it. Piper: Look, nobody's gonna get hurt. We'll set the trap for whoever or whatever it is before they attack. If we don't find out who's really doing this, they're gonna keep blaming you. This could exonerate you for everything. Piper: I'll go get the boys ready. You should take them with you to magic school. (Piper leaves. The creature head floats through the attic.) Creature Head: You can't be saved. You're a danger to them all. [Time lapse. Attic. Phoebe, Paige and Marcus, a whitelighter, are there. Paige is making a potion. It explodes.] Paige: Whew! Well, that ought to do it. Phoebe: That ought to do what, burn down the house? Paige: Remember, we don't know what we're up against, so I just, you know, thought I'd throw in the works. Marcus: Wait, you're not ready yet? You're still working on the vanquishing potion? Paige: I'm refining it. Marcus: But you called me down here an hour ago. Paige: Because we don't know when they're gonna attack. Marcus: You mean maul me. Phoebe: Alright, you know what? For a Whitelighter you are really wimpy. Paige: (whispers) That's why they sent him. Marcus: I heard that. Paige: Relax, will you? Please, we're not gonna let anybody hurt you. Phoebe: Hey, where's Leo? Paige: He's at Magic School so he has an alibi for when they attack. Phoebe: And when they do attack, all we have to do is trigger the crystals, right? Paige: Well, theoretically, but that's why we have backup. (Piper walks in.) Piper: Did you test Brody's blood yet? Paige: Yeah, he's not a demon. Piper: Well, that officially makes him tomorrow's problem. How's it going in here? Marcus: The sitting duck is still sitting. Phoebe: Grumpy. Very grumpy. Paige: Yeah, well, remember, it's almost midnight, and that's when things get very exciting around here. Phoebe: Especially with the blue moon rising. Paige: Wait a second. That reminds me. Something I read in the Book about how if there are two blue moons in one year that seems to only happen every fifty years. Piper: That doesn't bode well. (Paige walks to the window and sees the blue moon rising.) Paige: Pretty. (Suddenly, Piper, Phoebe and Paige change into the black wolf-like creatures that mauled Danny.) Marcus: What the hell? (They attack Marcus and scratch him. He kicks them off and traps them in the crystal cage.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. The girls are laying asleep on the floor inside the crystal cage. Phoebe wakes up.] Phoebe: Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up! Piper: What? Where are the boys? Phoebe: The boys are fine. We're not. Paige: Keep it down. (Piper sees Marcus. She hits Paige on the leg.) Hey! Piper: Hey, yourself. Look! Paige: Oh, my god. What happened to him? Phoebe: I think we're what happened to him. Paige: What are you talking about? Phoebe: We're in the cage, that's what I'm talking about. I think we trapped ourselves. Piper: No, we didn't, did we? Phoebe: I think that dream I had was real. Paige: So you're saying that we did this to him? Phoebe: Do you have a better explanation? Paige: That is crazy. (Paige tries to step out of the crystal cage and she is knocked back onto the floor.) Phoebe: As you were saying? Paige: Okay. What does this mean? We're demons? Piper: No, we didn't turn into demons, Paige. Phoebe: We turned into monsters. Paige: I know we all get a little testy this time of month, but that's ridiculous. Piper: It can't be that. It's gotta be something else. Phoebe: Like what, the blue moon? Piper: We gotta get out of here. This is crazy. Paige, try to orb one of these crystals away. Paige: Crystal. (A crystal orbs out, through the glass window. A cat meows outside.) Blue moon? (They stand up.) Phoebe: Bright side, the Elders can't blame Leo anymore. Piper: No, now they can blame us. You gotta take him to magic school and find someone to heal him. Paige: How do I explain that? Piper: Well, tell them that we got knocked out, and whatever you do, stay calm and don't turn into anything in front of them. (Paige orbs out with Marcus.) Piper: We gotta find a way to stop this from happening again. Phoebe: I can't do that now because I have to go meet Leslie for breakfast. Piper: Oh, come on! Phoebe: I know, but if I don't show up again he's never gonna talk to me again. Gotta go. Piper: You better be home before the moon rises. And stay away from red meat. [Cut to Magic School. Paige, Leo and the Elders are there. The Elders are healing Marcus.] Odin: I thought you were supposed to trap them. Paige: It kind of caught us by surprise, you know? Odin: Did you see what they looked like? Were they demons? Paige: It was night. Odin: We have to find out who did this and vanquish them before they attack us. I'm ordering a lockdown on all Whitelighters until we catch these beasts. Paige: Beasts. That's a harsh word, don't you think? Odin: At least you've been exonerated. I'm, uh, sorry I doubted you. Leo: So am I. Odin: We have a lot of healing to do, Leo, I admit, but forgiveness must prevail if we're to work together. Now, this new power that we're sensing, it is coming closer and it's more threatening. Paige: Okay, new power. What new power? Odin: We don't know exactly, but if it is responsible for this attack, Elders could be next. Help us, Leo. (Odin orbs out.) Paige: Okay, I have to find Agent Brody. Leo: Why? Paige: Because he talked about that new power thing, so he must know something about it. Leo: Alright, but be careful. Watch out for those beasts. Paige: About those beasts? That would be us. Leo: What are you talking about? Paige: Those funky powers, the sharp fangs, the claws, we're the ones who've been attacking the Whitelighters. Something is transforming us. It may not be this blue moon thing after all. I have to go. [Scene: Outside a Cafe. Leslie is sitting at a table. He looks at his watch, finishes his coffee, and starts to walk off. Phoebe runs up to him.] Phoebe: Leslie! Hi! I am so sorry, but I'm here now. Things got a little wild back at the house. Les: Phoebe, it's a quarter to ten. Phoebe: I know, and I would've called but I-I just... (Leslie walks away. Phoebe follows.) Leslie, please. I said was sorry. Les: Yeah, I know you are. You always are. Phoebe: Don't be mad at me. Come on, I really wanted to be here. I did. Les: Let me guess. Something came up, right? Phoebe: Yes, something came up. Les: But you can't tell me what it is, just like you never can. Phoebe: Right, and it's not because I don't want to... Les: It's complicated. Yeah, yeah. I know. Phoebe: Would you stop finishing my sentences, please? Les: Well, why not? They all end the same way. Look, I'm sorry. It's just, I'm frustrated. I guess I didn't think I was gonna like you this much. Phoebe: Yeah, I know the feeling. Les: I gotta go to work. Wouldn't want to be late on my last day. [Scene: Agent Brody's apartment. Agent Brody is there. There's a knock at the door. He tucks a gun down the back of his jeans and opens the door. Paige is standing there.] Agent Brody: Paige. Since when do you use doors? Paige: Look, I need to talk to you. (Paige walks in.) Agent Brody: Great. Don't tell me I didn't check out. Paige: What? No. You checked out. You knew you would. I'm here because I need to talk to you about the whole new power you were telling me about. Agent Brody: Why, did something happen? Paige: I'm not sure. But let's just say that you aren't the only one who is concerned about them. Agent Brody: Did you see them, did they attack, what? Paige: Just curious. How do you even know about them anyway? Agent Brody: That's a, that's a long story. Paige: Why don't you give me the short version? Look, you said you wanted my help, didn't you? Agent Brody: No, I said that you would need mine. Paige: Please, will you just tell me what you know? Agent Brody: I just know they're coming. That's why I'm here. I don't know. Everything seems to fit a certain pattern. Paige: Pattern? What pattern? Agent Brody: All I know is that they come from ancient times when they were in power. I'm not sure why, but something happened and then they went away, and now they're trying to come back. They've been trying to come back for some time. And to do that, they need power. And that's the pattern. I mean, they're always after it. It won't be long before they come after yours. Paige: I think they may have already tried. Agent Brody: You can't let them. Paige, you've gotta do everything that you can to stop them, otherwise... Paige: Otherwise what? Agent Brody: They're gonna kill you. Just like they killed my parents. I was, uh, five when it happened. No one knew who did it. That's why I became a cop to find out. I never would've imagined that it would brought me to here, but it has. I am not leaving this city until I prove it. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. A bunch of demons are standing in the middle of the cave. Three creature head demons are swirling around them. The creature head demons zap the demons and vanquish all but one demon. The creature head demons turn into two men and one woman.] Alpha: You're certain he's the most powerful? Beta: He's their leader. Gamma: Was their leader. (The demon tries to shimmer out.) Alpha: You're not going anywhere. Demon: Why are you doing this? Who are you? Gamma: I still think a direct approach is best. Beta: We've tried that. It's not working. Leo's being drawn back to his family, back to good. Alpha: But he's not there yet. We must drive him away, make them afraid of him if we're to succeed. And you're going to help us do exactly that. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is showing Leo vials of potions.] Piper: This one should work if the beasts are just possessing us. This one should work if the last one doesn't. It should knock out about ten of them. This one... well, this one only use if you really, really have to. Leo: Why, what is it? Piper: A little bit of everything, just in case. Leo: Piper, I'm not using these on you. Piper: You might have to. Leo: Look, it's the last night of a blue moon. All we have to do is wait until it passes. Piper: Unless it's not the Blue Moon that's doing this to us. No, Paige said that... Leo: The new power, I know. If it's only after power, why would it be doing all this? It doesn't make any sense. Piper: Better safe than sorry. Now, Paige and Phoebe are coming home in a couple of minutes. We need to get the cage ready. Leo: Piper, I know you're scared. Piper: I'm not scared. I'm worried we're gonna kill somebody. Leo: You're not gonna kill anybody. I promise. Look, you already saved me. Now let me save you, and then maybe it'll be time for me to move back in again. Piper: It already is. Grab those. (Piper walks out of the kitchen. The possessor demon appears.) Leo: Who are you? Possessor Demon: Actually, I'm about to be you. (The demon enters Leo's body, possessing him.) Piper: (from other room) Are you coming? Possessed Leo: I'll be right there. (He cracks his neck.) [Cut to the attic. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are there.] Paige: Do you think we should put some snacks in the cage? Phoebe: Like what, a wildebeest? Piper: Please don't say beast. Paige: No, I'm just saying we don't know how long we're gonna be in here. What if I get hungry? Piper: Well, then we'll have Leo throw us Whitelighter. Don't worry about it. Paige: Well, I do worry about it. I just don't like not knowing what's going on. Piper: Leo thinks it's the blue moon for sure, so all we have to do is make it until morning without eating anyone and we'll be fine. Paige: What if Leo's wrong, you know? I mean, it's not like he's been himself lately. Piper: We've been through this. Phoebe: No, we haven't, not enough. Piper: Look, you guys, trust me. We don't have to worry about him anymore. (Possessed Leo walks in.) Possessed Leo: Talking about me? Piper: Where are the potions? Possessed Leo: Potions? Oh, I think I left them in the kitchen. (He cracks his neck.) Piper: What was that? Possessed Leo: What was what? Paige: Okay, uh, I'll get them from the kitchen. (Paige walks out of the attic.) Phoebe: So keep your eye on us after we transform and make sure we don't move any of the crystals. Piper: Oh, no. I don't want Leo here, in case we attack him. (The doorbell rings.) Piper: Who could that be? Phoebe: Oh, I think I know. I'll take care of it. Piper: Well, you better hurry. (Phoebe leaves the attic.) Possessed Leo: Why would you attack me? Piper: Well, technically you're still an Elder, and we feel the same way about Elders as we do Whitelighters, so just to be safe. Possessed Leo: So you view me as a threat. Piper: Probably. (Leo cracks his neck.) [Cut to the foyer. Phoebe opens the door.) Les: Hi. Phoebe: Leslie, hey. Les: Let me guess. Bad time? Phoebe: Actually... Les: Look, I-I-I just wanted to apologise. Phoebe: For what? Les: Well, for the way I acted earlier. I was, I was just so... Phoebe: Yeah, really upset, I know. Les: Well, now who's finishing whose sentences? Look, I just didn't want to leave it like that, that's all. Phoebe: And I don't either, uh, but is it possible that maybe I could call you tomorrow? Les: We're running out of tomorrows. (They hear a loud crash coming from the attic.) Phoebe: Uh, yeah, I know. I'm gonna call you tomorrow. I promise. (She kisses him quickly.) Okay. (She closes the door.) [Cut to the attic. Possessed Leo throws bolts of electricity at Piper. She dives out of the way. Phoebe and Paige walk in.) Phoebe: Leo, what are you doing? Paige: Television! (The television orbs towards Leo and he orbs out.) Paige: Piper, you okay? Piper: No! Phoebe: Still think Leo's fine? Piper: That wasn't Leo. He was possessed or something. Paige: Again? Well, it seems to happen a whole lot. Phoebe: And if it did happen again, it can't be connected to the blue moon, 'cause it's not up yet. Paige: Maybe it's that whole new power thing. Maybe that's who's setting Leo up. Piper: But why? For what? Paige: Well, if Agent Brody's right, for power. [Cut to the Magic School. Leo and the Elders are throwing electricity bolts at each other. The girls orb in.] Phoebe: Okay, now what? Piper: Throw the potions. (to Leo) Hey! Over here. (He looks at the girls and they each throw a potion at him. Leo falls backwards leaving the possessor demon standing there.) Phoebe: Piper. (Piper tries to blow the possessor demon up but he shimmers out.) Odin: You have betrayed us again! (Odin zaps Leo and he falls to the floor.) Piper: What are you doing? Odin: I'm warning you! Stay out of this! (Piper steps forward.) Phoebe: Oh, no, Piper. Do not. Odin: You will be stopped. (The blue moon rises and the girls turn into the wolf-like creatures. They run towards the Elders and Odin throws electricity bolts at them, knocking them back unconscious.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Magic School. Morning. Piper, Phoebe and Paige wake up.] Paige: Oh, what happened? Odin: You attacked us. Phoebe: Oh, really? Then how come I'm the one with the headache? Odin: We were forced to defend ourselves. Piper: Where is Leo? Odin: I sent him away. Piper: Away. Where? Odin: It's none of your concern now. You attempted to save him, you failed. That's that. Piper: The hell it is. Odin: He tried to kill two more Elders. Paige: No. He was Possessed. You just didn't see it. Odin: No. What I saw was what I never would've imagined. The Charmed Ones turning into demons. Phoebe: No, that wasn't demonic. That was, you know, that time of the month. Paige: No! It was a Blue Moon. Piper: The point is, we didn't have a choice. We can't control it. Odin: Which is why I'm keeping you here until we figure out what to do with you. Piper: What to do with us? You need to let us go so we can find the real demon is. Odin: Out of the question. Phoebe: Then I guess you won't be finding out about that new power. Only they could've sent the demon after Leo. Paige: You said yourself they may be coming after the Elders next. Odin: But what if you turn back into ... Phoebe: Oh, that was just the Blue Moon. That won't happen for another fifty years or so. Piper: Yeah, and by that time, we'll just be a menace to a rest home, so I think you're safe. Odin: Very well. See what you can find out. Piper: No. Not without Leo first. Odin: He can't be trusted. He wouldn't be vulnerable to possession if... Piper: You can give us Leo now or you can find your own damn connection to the new power. (Odin flicks his hand and Leo orbs in.) Leo: What's going on? Piper: You're about to be exonerated. Again. Book of Shadows. (The girls and Leo orb out.) [Scene: Underworld. Cave. The Possessor demon is there.] Possessor Demon: What else do you want from me? I did what you asked. You've got to protect me. They'll find me. Piper: We already have. (He sees Piper, Phoebe and Paige standing near by.) Paige: Who were you talking to? (He tries to shimmer out but Piper freezes him. She then unfreezes his head.) Possessor Demon: What happened? Did you just freeze me? Piper: She asked you a question. Would you rather I blew you up? Possessor Demon: Wait. Don't. If I tell you, they'll kill me. Phoebe: If you don't tell us, we'll kill you. Paige: You may want to pick your poison. Possessor Demon: They're more powerful than anything you've ever seen. Piper: Who is? (The creature head demon flies past the possessor demon, zaps him and then disappears. The possessor demon is vanquished.) Paige: Well, I guess Leo isn't seeing things after all. Phoebe: Can we get out of here now, please? Piper: Whoever you are, stay away from my husband. (They orb out.) [Scene: Agent Brody's apartment. Agent Brody is there. The phone rings and he answers it.] Agent Brody: Brody. Paige. Hey. I was getting worried. Paige: Yeah, I know. That's why I wanted to call you to let you know I was okay. Agent Brody: Well, I'm glad you did. So, uh. what happened? This new power wasn't really after you? Paige: No, it was actually after something else. Agent Brody: Oh. I mean, that's good, obviously. I was just hoping to, you know, get a lead out of this. That's all. Paige: If it makes you feel any better, they were after my brother-in-law. Agent Brody: Brother-in-law? Paige: Yeah, well, not directly. They actually used a demon to get to him. Agent Brody: A demon? Paige: Well, he's fine now, though. You know, we dis-Possessed him. Agent Brody: Wait. You did what? Paige: Well, we got rid of the demon. We get possessed all the time. It's no big deal. (She chuckles.) Hello? Agent Brody: Um, yeah, sorry. I guess I'm just a little new at this stuff. Paige: I thought you said you knew about demons. Agent Brody: Uh, no, I said I knew a lot about witches. The rest are just, um, theories. That is until I met you. Paige: Well, be careful what you wish for. Agent Brody: What do you mean? Paige: What you don't know can't hurt you, right? Agent Brody: Well, it's already hurt me. That's why I'm here. I'm glad you're okay, Paige. Paige: Thanks. Bye. Agent Brody: Yeah. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Les is there packing up his stuff. Phoebe walks in.] Phoebe: Hey. Les: Hey. Phoebe: Packing up? Les: Yep, packing up. I left all your stuff in the bottom cabinet. I can put it back if you want. Phoebe: No, that's okay. I can do it. What time's your flight? Les: Noon. So you ready to come back? Phoebe: More than you know. Thanks to you. Les: Me? Well, I didn't do anything. I just kept the seat warm for you. Phoebe: You did more than that. And you know it. When I first met you, I was totally lost. That's why I needed to get away from all of this, you know? I couldn't give advice, especially not about love. And I realize that I was just afraid. But I'm not afraid anymore. (They kiss.) Thank you. Les: You're welcome. I guess it just wasn't meant to be, huh? You and me. Phoebe: Maybe not right now. But I do think our signs are compatible, so... (They hug.) Les: See ya. Phoebe: See ya. (Leslie leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Magic School. Piper is waiting there. Leo walks in.] Piper: Where were you? I was worried. Leo: I was just checking on the boys. Piper: We found the Possessor Demon right where you said he'd be. Leo: Did you vanquish him? Piper: No, uh, but some creature head thing did. Leo: You saw him? Piper: Yeah, we saw it. And I don't think we've seen the last of it. Leo: That's what I'm worried about. Piper: Come on. Let's go home. Leo: I can't. Piper: Well, the Elders said you were free to go. Leo: It's not the Elders I'm worried about, Piper. I'm worried about you. I'm worried about everybody. Look, the Elders were right, this new power was after me because I was vulnerable. You know, vulnerable enough to put my family at risk. Piper, you were almost killed because of me, because of what they did to me. I can't let that happen. I won't. Piper: Leo, I know you've been though a lot. I do, but you fought so hard, and the boys need you. I need you. Leo: It's too dangerous. I have to stay away from you for your own sake. I'm sorry. (Leo orbs out.)	Plan: A: the Charmed Ones; Q: Who does the Elders assign a new Whitelighter to? A: beasts; Q: What is the new Whitelighter nearly killed by? A: the attack; Q: What do the Elders blame on Leo? A: Leo's innocence; Q: What do Piper, Phoebe, and Paige try to prove? A: the blue moon; Q: What is the name of the moon that transforms the beasts into themselves? A: Kyle; Q: Who tells Paige about the new power? A: his story; Q: What does Kyle tell Paige about the new power? A: the sisters; Q: Who believes that Leo is not so crazy after seeing the floating heads? A: the floating heads; Q: What do the sisters see that makes them believe Leo is not so crazy after all? Summary: The Elders' suspicion of Leo causes them to assign a new Whitelighter to the Charmed Ones. However, when the new Whitelighter is nearly killed by beasts, the Elders blame the attack on Leo. Trying to prove Leo's innocence, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige discover that the beasts are actually themselves, transformed by the blue moon. Kyle tells Paige his story in reference to the new power. And the sisters, after seeing the floating heads themselves, believe that Leo is not so crazy after all.
CARNIVAL OF MONSTERS BY: ROBERT HOLMES 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. SS BERNICE. CARGO HOLD (JO looks up in shock.) JO: Doctor! DOCTOR: (OOV: Inside the TARDIS.) What is it now? JO: (Screams.) Doctor! (Light floods the hold as the DOCTOR rushes out of the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: What is it, Jo? JO: (Gasps.) Look! (She points upwards as a gigantic hand reaches down from above and grasps the TARDIS, starting to lift it away. The DOCTOR and JO follow its movements upwards until the DOCTOR runs forward in indignation.) DOCTOR: Hey! JO: It's gone! (The DOCTOR points upwards.) DOCTOR: Up there. JO: But there's no way through. Are you sure? DOCTOR: Yes, the whole deck-head swings open. JO: But it's solid steel - it must weigh tons and tons! DOCTOR: Yes, and probably held in place by two tiny little wing nuts. JO: Tiny? DOCTOR: Well, relatively speaking - you saw the size of that hand. JO: But there's only deck above here. DOCTOR: That's what it looks like. JO: But we've been up there. DOCTOR: I told you this was no ordinary ship, Jo. (He heads back toward the doorway from the hold.) JO: Where are you going? DOCTOR: To find the TARDIS...and that means finding a way off this ship. (He heads out. JO looks back upwards to where the TARDIS disappeared.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (VORG has his right hand within the innards of his machine. SHIRNA keeps a nervous eye out for the returning aliens.) SHIRNA: Vorg, they're coming over. VORG: Good, I think I've found the trouble anyway. (He pulls his hand out and holds up the TARDIS - but it is only some two inches high.) VORG: There you are - a bit of bric-a-brac lodged inside circuit three. I'd better put it back. Might spoil the illusion. Never let the customers see too much. (He lodges it back in the machine.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. SS BERNICE. MAIN DECK (The DOCTOR and JO retrace their steps back to the rear of the ship, trying to make their way to where the metal plate lies on the lower deck. They crouch down beside the deck hatch. They reach the steps which will take them up to the gangway leading to the saloon and hear CLAIRE talking to ANDREWS as they make their twenty trips round the deck.) CLAIRE DALY: But I love "Choo Chin Chow". (The DOCTOR signals to JO to hide under the gangway on which the two trapped humans are walking. They run and press themselves against the wall.) CLAIRE DALY: Daddy took me when I was a little girl. (Above them, CLAIRE and ANDREWS pause to talk whilst the two unknown fugitives pause to listen. In the background they can again hear "Five-foot two, eyes of blue".) JOHN ANDREWS: "Choo Chin Chow"! I tell you, the whole thing's absolute rubbish. CLAIRE DALY: Oh, it wasn't! How can you say that? JOHN ANDREWS: Well, I sailed into Shanghai fifty times, my girl. I know what Johnny Chinaman's like. CLAIRE DALY: Oh, John, you've seen so much of the world. Makes me seem so...so unsophisticated. (Below the two...) JO: (To the DOCTOR.) Suppose we're due for the monster bit any minute now? JOHN ANDREWS: (Up above.) ...these bright young things, they... DOCTOR: Yes, very probably. JOHN ANDREWS: (Up above.) You're different. CLAIRE DALY: (Up above.) I wouldn't want you to think I'm just a silly flapper. [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (Watched by a nervous VORG and SHIRNA, KALIK and ORUM approach and circle the machine.) KALIK: In what way does this machine, er, amuse? VORG: Your worship, allow me to demonstrate. (He starts to press controls on his machine.) VORG: If you will watch the glowsphere. (On the large round screen, a slightly distorted image of CLAIRE and ANDREWS on the deck of the "SS BERNICE" appears.) ORUM: What is this? VORG: These creatures are Tellurians, a species discovered in a distant galaxy. Scientists have been amazed at the remarkable similarity between these little chaps and our own dominant lifeform. ORUM: The resemblance is unpleasant. VORG: These are the only Tellurians in captivity. Some scientists think that their discovery refutes Valdek's theory that life in the universe is infinitely variable. An even more interesting, though less amusing, form of life is the Ogron. (He presses a button and the distorted image changes to that of an ape-like Ogron, walking against a moon-like background.) VORG: They are of limited intelligence and are used as servants by some race called, erm, Daleks, I believe. (VORG presses another button.) VORG: We will shortly be seeing the prize of my collection - the Drashigs! KALIK: Drashigs? (VORG speaks in a showman's bloodcurdling tone as SHIRNA smiles with pride...) VORG: They are, without doubt, the most evil, the most vicious and undoubtedly the most frightening form of life in the whole of the universe! SHIRNA: Oh look, there's one! (They watch as a dragon-like form, with multiple eyes on stalks, sinks into a misty swamp. Its appearance has been brief to say the least.) KALIK: (Unimpressed.) Amazing. VORG: The Drashigs have no intelligence centre, unfortunately. So I cannot control their behaviour. ORUM: Ah, but these pictures; they are recorded, surely? VORG: Oh no, your worship! The scope is good, old-fashioned live entertainment. The picture on the glowsphere is an actual projection of what is now taking place deep down inside. KALIK: (Sharply.) Do you mean that all these creatures are living - in there? VORG: Within their own miniaturised environments, of course. I'll switch back to circuit three. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. SS BERNICE. MAIN DECK (The plesiosaurus roars at the ship. On the gangway, CLAIRE screams.) JOHN ANDREWS: Good heavens! (As the sailors run to and fro in a panic, only the DOCTOR and JO remain unaffected by the appearance of the dinosaur.) JO: Just like goldfish in a bowl, aren't they? Round and round forever. Isn't there anything we can do for them? DOCTOR: No, not while we're inside this thing. No, we've got to get out of here. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON (The repeated course of events have led up to the point where a shaken CLAIRE sits in the saloon as her father pours her a drink...) MAJOR DALY: What a head, eh? By gad, I'd love to have that on the club wall, what? (He swigs back his own drink as behind him, the DOCTOR and JO sneak their way back into the cabin.) MAJOR DALY: Mmm. (He turns and spots the DOCTOR and JO about to open the door that will lead them down to the lower deck.) MAJOR DALY: Oh, hello? (The DOCTOR and JO wear broad grins, again trying to bluff their way out of the situation.) DOCTOR: (Heartily.) Well, hello. Topping day, what? MAJOR DALY: (Puzzled.) Absolutely splendid. DOCTOR: (Heartily.) Yes, ninety-nine skidoo! Well, must press on, pip-pip, old chap. (He turns back to the door.) MAJOR DALY: But just a minute, you two passengers? DOCTOR: Well, you've asked us that question once before. Don't you remember? MAJOR DALY: Have I? I'm sorry to be uncivil an' all that, but... DOCTOR: (To JO.) You see, Jo. No memory traces at all. MAJOR DALY: What's that? (Confused.) Do you know, you'll think I'm an awful idiot, but, do you know...? DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) You've forgotten our names? (The MAJOR takes umbrage at this...) MAJOR DALY: What's that? Well, I never knew them! I've never bally well seen you in all me life before! [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT VORG: Now, by simply adjusting the aggrometer... (He starts to turn a dial on the scope's console.) VORG: ...the peaceful Tellurians can be made to behave in an amusingly violent way - watch. (He giggles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON (The sequence of events have led beyond the point where ANDREWS and the Indian sailor have arrived at the saloon. The young lieutenant, staring with aggressive intent at the DOCTOR, passes his rifle to CLAIRE and takes off his hat.) JOHN ANDREWS: Right! CLAIRE DALY: What are you doing, John? JOHN ANDREWS: I'm going to trash this fellow within an inch of his life! (The DOCTOR turns to JO in puzzlement.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (KALIK and ORUM watch the events...) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON (JO helps the DOCTOR off his with green smoking jacket.) JOHN ANDREWS: You still sticking to that stupid story? DOCTOR: I'm afraid so, old chap. JOHN ANDREWS: You'll regret it, sir, and I think I ought to warn you, I used to box for my school. (He takes up the classic boxer's stance.) DOCTOR: And I think I ought to warn you that I took lessons from John L. Sullivan himself. (The DOCTOR takes up a similar stance.) MAJOR DALY: (To CLAIRE.) By Jimminy, the old fellah's got some pluck! (The two combatants start to square up to each other.) DOCTOR: Queensbury rules? JOHN ANDREWS: Naturally. (The DOCTOR gets ANDREWS with two sharp jabs to the jaw. He tries for a third but ANDREWS ducks and gets a sharp jab into the DOCTOR'S stomach. He falls back slightly but regains his feet. ANDREWS comes in but the DOCTOR gives him a sharp punch back.) CLAIRE DALY: Oh! (ANDREWS staggers to the floor. He tries to regain his feet but the DOCTOR merely stares at him and folds his arms. ANDREWS falls to the floor.) CLAIRE DALY: John! DOCTOR: Good afternoon. (He grabs his jacket from JO and the two of them make a run for it out of the saloon.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. SS BERNICE. MAIN DECK (They run as fast as they can along the gangway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. SS BERNICE. PASSENGER SALOON (Back in the saloon, ANDREWS gets to his feet and makes for the door, grabbing his rifle as he gasps an order to the Indian sailor.) JOHN ANDREWS: Cover the aft companionway - quick, man! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. SS BERNICE. MAIN DECK (As the DOCTOR and JO run towards the back of the ship, ANDREWS runs out of the saloon and sees their retreating forms.) JOHN ANDREWS: Stop or I'll fire! (As MAJOR DALY joins him, he raises the rifle and carries out his threat to fire. The shot rings out just as the two fugitives make it round the stern of the ship. Here, the DOCTOR and Jo come up to a door. The DOCTOR tries it but it is locked. Another shot rings out and JO looks back in alarm. As ANDREWS shoots back the handle of his rifle, they dash up a flight of steps and up to a higher level deck. They run between the upper hull and lifeboats as ANDREWS and DALY give chase up the steps. Near the top, ANDREWS pauses, aims carefully and fires again, just missing the back of the DOCTOR. They resume the chase, which is tiring JO out as she pauses with the DOCTOR, trying to get her breath back.) JO: (Gasps.) Oh, how many times round the deck is a mile? DOCTOR: Who's counting? (As ANDREWS and DALY close in, they run off again and find the steps back down to the main deck. The DOCTOR looks round.) DOCTOR: Let's try that door. (The two try a small wooden door which opens after a couple of tugs. They go back down below as ANDREWS and DALY come to the top of the steps and see them disappearing.) JOHN ANDREWS: Now we've got 'em. (He shouts behind them...) JOHN ANDREWS: Bosun! (The two descend...) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. SS BERNICE. LOWER DECK PASSAGE (...as within the ship, JO and the DOCTOR also descend to yet another level. The DOCTOR looks round.) DOCTOR: This way. (They run off as the DOCTOR puts his jacket back on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. SS BERNICE. LOWER DECK PASSAGE OUTSIDE CABIN (They make their way back to the metal plate outside MAJOR DALY'S cabin. The DOCTOR reaches into his pocket for the device he fetched from the TARDIS. Further along the passage, two of the Indian sailors, armed with rifles, descend down the steps from the saloon section. They call out to each other in their native language, thus giving themselves away. The DOCTOR gives JO the device and rushes to shut the bulkhead door. As he does so, the sailors fire at the closed door which, on the other side, the DOCTOR locks.) JO: How does this thing work? DOCTOR: Hold it flat. Run it along the edge of the plate. JO: Right. (JO holds the hammer-shaped device and uses it as instructed. It gives out a buzzing sound.) DOCTOR: That's the idea. (But...) JOHN ANDREWS: Alright, on your feet. (They stand up to see that ANDREWS and DALY have come from the side the DOCTOR and JO took while the Indian sailors have approached from the other.) MAJOR DALY: We've had enough of your nonsense. JOHN ANDREWS: Right, Bosun. (The rifle arms are pulled back and aimed.) JO: Doctor! DOCTOR: No, you can't! [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT VORG: I can't it for too long or the specimens start damaging each other. (VORG turns the switch back.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. SS BERNICE. LOWER DECK PASSAGE OUTSIDE CABIN (The passageway is filled with a high-pitched sound which descends in tone. DALY smiles and turns to ANDREWS.) MAJOR DALY: Ah, dinner, splendid! Coming? (As the DOCTOR and JO stare in incredulity, DALY and ANDREWS stroll past them and follow the sailors back towards the saloon. DALY is momentarily puzzled...) MAJOR DALY: Who the devil are those two? (ANDREWS shakes his head with something approaching a lack of interest and they walk off, leaving an astonished pair behind.) JOHN ANDREWS: I say, I hope there's something decent tonight. MAJOR DALY: Yes! JOHN ANDREWS: I'm feeling rather peckish. [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT SHIRNA: Hey, Vorg? (She walks to one side of the area to speak out of earshot of the assessment committee. VORG follows.) SHIRNA: Do you know, I'd swear I'd never seen those two before? (She gestures at the scope.) VORG: Wha...? SHIRNA: Those two Tellurians - have you seen them before? VORG: Oh, really, Shirna! I mean, they all look so much alike. SHIRNA: (Insistent.) They're new, Vorg, they're strangers. [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. SS BERNICE. LOWER DECK PASSAGE OUTSIDE CABIN (Now free of interruption, JO again runs the device along one edge of the plate.) DOCTOR: And here. (He points to another side. JO runs the device where indicated.) DOCTOR: That should do it. (He gently pushes the plate. It starts to move.) DOCTOR: Yes! (The plate moves fully back. It reveals a hole, hexagonal in shape like the plate, in the floor from which comes a steadily flashing red light.) JO: Looks like some sort of shaft. DOCTOR: Good. Down we go. (He jumps down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (He lands only a few feet down. JO follows and they move along into the open. They are next to a gigantic piece of advanced electrical apparatus, just part of the enlarged workings of the scope which surround them. A constant hum of electronics fills the air.) DOCTOR: Just look at this filter circuit, Jo! What a beautiful piece of work! Now then, this must be the output... (He follows a circuit along with his finger.) DOCTOR: And that must be the input through there. Let's have a look. (He walks low under the bulk of the circuit, through a low passage of large tubing and gigantic wires. They stand up again when they are able to.) DOCTOR: Yes, it is. JO: What is it? DOCTOR: What is it? My dear girl, this is a perfect example of an early pulse mechanism, based on the principle of caesium decay. Oh, this is absolutely vintage stuff! JO: But this can't be the ship's engine room? DOCTOR: Well, of course it isn't. I told you - we're no longer in the ship. JO: Well, where's the TARDIS? DOCTOR: I've no idea. Probably outside this machine entirely. (He points to a nearby piece of apparatus made up of an upright flexible tube with another smaller tube snaking round it.) DOCTOR: And just look at this, Jo. What a magnificent auxiliary capillary pump. Mmm, have you ever seen anything like it? (They walk along a long wide flat circuit line. They reach a ledge of another circuit and the DOCTOR helps JO up and they jump down the other side.) DOCTOR: I've never been small enough to get inside one of these things before. (He looks up into the massive hallway-like structure of enlarged circuits, advanced valve-like bulbs and elongated metal shapes.) DOCTOR: It's fascinating! It's like walking around inside a wristwatch. (He moves through a series of archway like joints, completely absorbed in wonder at the sight.) DOCTOR: It's wonderful - really is magnificent! JO: Well, can't we just find the way out? DOCTOR: Well, we could try following this circuit. Probably run for miles though. (JO sighs as they set off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (On the upper level and long cloak swirling, PLETRAC comes storming back into the space port, with the cassette in his hand. A furious look on his face, he descend the steps to the lower level and barges his way through a group of working functionaries.) PLETRAC: Out of my way! (He stops as he walks into the side area where VORG and SHIRNA wait with KALIK and ORUM.) PLETRAC: Not authentic! VORG: What? PLETRAC: A forgery. (VORG acts shocked as he takes the cassette back from PLETRAC.) VORG: A forgery? But your worship, I had no idea! And my assistant and I travelled all the way from Demos believing that we would be welcome on your...noble planet. PLETRAC: That is your misfortune. KALIK: Pletrac, this machine, this... "scope", contains many alien creatures. The Lurman has imported them, without a licence. PLETRAC: (Appalled.) What?! VORG: If I've done something wrong, I...I...I... KALIK: (Interrupts.) The Interstellar Ecology Commission expressly forbids the transference of zoological specimens between planets. ORUM: The creatures will have to be destroyed. VORG: Destroyed?! PLETRAC: The machine too. SHIRNA: You can't do that! Our livelihood depends on the scope! VORG: We're just simple strolling players! PLETRAC: Destroyed! (He turns and speaks into a wrist communicator.) PLETRAC: Send the eradicator detachment to section two immediately. (The aliens move off.) VORG: Barbarians! (SHIRNA sits down in dejection on their luggage.) SHIRNA: "Dim-witted yokels", you said they were. Twist them round your finger, you said. Have them eating off of your hand, you said. Well, a fine mess we're in now, aren't we? VORG: You're not blaming me? SHIRNA: Well, I didn't wanna come here, Vorg. I should have stayed with the all-star dance company. VORG: Ho! That third-rate bunch of hoofers? (He mimics a song and dance and waves a hand in dismissal.) SHIRNA: At least when I was with the company I always had a few credit bars, and we never travelled by cargo thruster. (Suddenly...) PLETRAC: Eradicator detachment - follow me! (PLETRAC strides back into the area, followed by a group of functionaries pushing a futuristic gun which rests on a stand. This, in turn, is on a mobile tripod.) VORG: What's that? (The functionaries set up the gun and aim it at the scope. VORG and SHIRA stand in front of their livelihood.) VORG: This is murder! Assassination! PLETRAC: Stand aside, you two. VORG: I'm not without influence, you know. I shall complain! (SHIRNA pulls him out of the way.) PLETRAC: Prepare to era... (PLETRAC suddenly realises that he is stood too near to the machine.) PLETRAC: Wait. (He moves and stands next to KALIK and ORUM.) PLETRAC: Commence eradication. (The functionaries fire. A pulsing red glow emanates from the end of the gun. In turn, the scope glows with the same red fire.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (The effect carries throughout the workings of the scope. JO and the DOCTOR crawl along a glowing, smoking circuit, chocking for breath...) JO: (Gasping.) What's happening, Doctor?! DOCTOR: I don't know! Hold on, Jo! JO: (Gasping.) Some kind of earthquake! It's getting hotter and...hotter! DOCTOR: Come on! Keep moving! [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (The eradicator is switched off and the red glow that surrounds the scope diminishes. The attack would seem to have had no effect on the scope. VORG and SHIRNA slowly start to smile. PLETRAC looks concerned.) KALIK: (Dryly.) Bravo. PLETRAC: (Quietly.) The machine must be armoured. KALIK: We have lost face, Pletrac. Our technology has proved deficient. ORUM: The eradicator was designed only for use against organic molecules. PLETRAC: (Hopefully.) And the creatures in there? ORUM: They're organic. The eradicator will have destroyed them. PLETRAC: (Pleased.) Well, that is the main objective. Destruction of the machine is unimportant. (The three committee members walk off to a burst of laughter from VORG. He claps his hands in delight.) VORG: Built, eh? (Laughs.) None of your modern rubbish! (He pats the machine and snatches it back in pain as it is still hot.) SHIRNA: Is it damaged? It might be damaged? VORG: We'll check the circuits. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (The DOCTOR and JO lie on a circuit, almost unconscious. The DOCTOR stirs.) DOCTOR: Come on, Jo, get up. JO: Not yet, I'm only half-cooked! (The DOCTOR sits up slowly.) DOCTOR: Alright, come on. Get yourself up. Come on, give us your hand. Come on, up... (He takes her hand and pulls her up into sitting position. He then reaches into his pocket and hands her a handkerchief.) DOCTOR: Here, mop yourself down with this. JO: Thanks. (She mops her face.) JO: Wow, what happened? DOCTOR: Well, it just a bit hot, didn't it? JO: (Realises.) Hey - it was them! They did it on purpose! DOCTOR: Who? JO: Well, the giants, of course! DOCTOR: Well, why should they, Jo? We've done them no harm. JO: Well, what other reason? DOCTOR: Look, one problem at a time, eh? Our problem is to find our way out of here. (He looks round in all directions and picks one that leads down a short silver ramp.) DOCTOR: Oh, this looks quite promising. Let's try it, eh? (He goes ahead of JO. She follows and slides down the ramp, rather like a child in a park.) JO: (Unimpressed.) Promising, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (VORG has switched on a circuit in the scope. An image appears on the glowscreen - that of the sinister form of a Cyberman. The silver giant turns and walks off in a blur of static.) SHIRNA: Well, that's marvellous. Who's going to pay good credit bars to see a blob in a snowstorm? VORG: Yeah, all that heat, you know - must have affected the video circuits. Still, the specimens are alright, and that's the main thing. It only needs a slight readjustment. (The two are being observed around the corner of the port by the three assessment members. They watch them, not directly, but using an oblong scanner screen built into one of the walls.) KALIK: Destroy it, Orum, or eradicate it. ORUM: The machine must contain a defensive barrier. KALIK: (Bitterly.) But it seems we have no defences, Orum. Zarb and his councils of fools have betrayed us! (He storms off past the cargo conveyor belt. The other two follow.) PLETRAC: That is dangerous talk, Kalik - even for the president's brother. KALIK: (Angrily.) Some things need to be said! Zarb disbanded the army, and now our only defence... (He stalks through the archway into the area where VORG and SHIRNA are. He jabs a finger at the eradicator.) KALIK: ...is that! (The three line up on one side of the area, next to an archway that looks across the desert.) KALIK: We have just demonstrated its inefficiency to those Lurman spies. ORUM: One is told there's a new model being developed. KALIK: And do you think the Lurman battlefleets will wait? They'll be picking their landing sites already. PLETRAC: Oh, you are an alarmist, Kalik. After all, we have defence pacts with all the neighbouring planets. KALIK: (Sneering.) Don't talk to me about brotherhood and neighbourliness. We have survived in the past because of our strength. ORUM: Now? KALIK: We shall perish! Because of our weakness. ORUM: You really think the Lurman is a spy, sent here to test our defences? KALIK: Isn't it clear? (ORUM sees VORG with the miniature TARDIS in his hand as he continues to check the scope.) ORUM: Oh, look! Perhaps a transmitter? [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (The DOCTOR helps a tired JO climb through a Y-shaped component.) DOCTOR: Right, come on now. Come on, quick as you can. JO: Okay. (She uses metal flanges on the circuit as steps down.) DOCTOR: That's it. (She moves further down the circuit.) DOCTOR: That's it. (She reaches the bottom.) DOCTOR: There. JO: Doctor, I think we're going round in circles. I'm sure we've been this way before. DOCTOR: No, no, no. All these shafts look very much alike. (They climb up a familiar-looking silver ramp. She spots something at the top.) JO: Hey? DOCTOR: Mmm? (It is the dropped handkerchief which she picks up as they sit down again.) JO: I was right - look. Your handkerchief - you must have dropped it. DOCTOR: Yes, you are right. We must have been this way before. (He pockets the cloth.) JO: Oh, well that's it. We're lost. DOCTOR: Of course we're not lost, Jo. What makes you think that? (He points to a nearby giant unit.) DOCTOR: See this? You know what that is? (JO shakes her head.) DOCTOR: That's a bearing housing for one of the ventilator shafts. (He takes a notepad out of his pocket and starts to write in it.) JO: Oh good, knowing makes me feel so much better. DOCTOR: Yeah, I thought it might. JO: Oh, well that means we're almost home, doesn't it? DOCTOR: It means there should be an airduct around here somewhere. JO: Silly question, but why are we looking for an airduct? DOCTOR: Well, where's air ducted from, Jo? JO: Outside! DOCTOR: Right first time. JO: Sorry, Doctor, it's just I thought we weren't getting anywhere. DOCTOR: Yes, I know. The trouble is we're inside the blueprint instead of looking down on it. (They hear a noise above them and get to their feet. They then have to jump back as a huge tool, shaped like a spear crashes down into the circuit three times, each time barely missing their feet.) JO: What was tha...? (The DOCTOR signals for silence. Up above them, through an observation hole, a giant blue eye stares down at them. The DOCTOR points at it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (VORG stands up from looking into the machine and puts his glasses back on.) VORG: You know, Shirna, I'm not given to imagination, but I thought I saw two Tellurians in the works. (He stands up and feels the end of KALIK'S pronged weapon in the back of his neck.) KALIK: Slowly, Vorg. (VORG starts to stammer with fear and nervousness.) VORG: W...wh...what are you ju...doing? (KALIK and ORUM stand behind him.) ORUM: Where is the transmitter? VORG: (Fearfully.) Transmitter? KALIK: We know you've been sending signals. VORG: (Fearfully.) Signals? KALIK: Stop...wasting time! VORG: (Fearfully.) But I...I had no transmitter. PLETRAC: What were you doing in there? VORG: (Fearfully.) But, just...just minor repairs, that's all.! Just a little minor repairs! SHIRNA: We had a fault in one of the video circuits, that's all - nothing. VORG: (Fearfully.) Nothing of consequence, nothing serious. KALIK: Orum? (ORUM starts to delve into the scope.) KALIK: If there is a transmitter in there, Vorg, you're dead. VORG: (To SHIRNA, quietly.) What...what is a transmitter, Shirna? SHIRNA: (Quietly.) For sending messages, you idiot! A beam pulser. VORG: (Quietly.) We haven't got one, have we? SHIRNA: (Quietly.) I thought you told me you had a masters degree in radionics? VORG: (Quietly.) Not exactly a degree. I never did understand these electrical... (He tries to push KALIK'S weapon away.) VORG: Would you please...keep that a little further away? It's very frightening, you know? (KALIK points it back as ORUM finishes his inspection.) ORUM: No, one can't see anything, Kalik. KALIK: If there is a transmitter, it'll be disguised. ORUM: No, there's nothing in there - only this. (He holds the miniaturised TARDIS in the palm of his hand.) KALIK: What is it? VORG: A...a bit of bric-a-brac, your worship. It was causing interference inside circuit three. Er, better put it back in the scope. (The TARDIS suddenly starts to expand in ORUM'S hand. He panics and puts it on the floor.) KALIK: What is it? And let's have the truth this time! (PLETRAC has joined them as they watch the TARDIS grow on the floor.) VORG: I don't know! I swear I don't know! PLETRAC: Some Lurman secret weapon perhaps? ORUM: It's some kind of a container! VORG: It's causing interference in circuit three! ORUM: Bric-a-brac?! (The TARDIS is almost its normal height.) ORUM: Why does it keep changing size?! (The police box is now its original height.) VORG: You took it outside the scope's compression field and kept it out too long, you see? After a bit, things regain their normal size. PLETRAC: (Panics.) Silence! It is an alien artifact! Where did it come from?! How did it get in there?! SHIRNA: Vorg - the Tellurians! VORG: Shh! KALIK: What? SHIRNA: Earlier in circuit three, I noticed two new Tellurians - strangers. I told Vorg at the time. VORG: My assistant is an imaginative... KALIK: (Interrupts.) Quiet. (To ORUM.) Is this possible, Orum? ORUM: What? PLETRAC: (Panicking.) For Tellurian invaders to penetrate the scope in containers such as that?! ORUM: Well, it wouldn't be possible for our technology, no. Perhaps Tellurian science is more advanced? KALIK: And, if they can get into the machine, no doubt they can also get out of it. ORUM: What are you thinking, Kalik? KALIK: These Tellurians are not even from our home galaxy. There is no way of telling what diseases they may have brought with them! (PLETRAC almost has a heart attack at this thought.) PLETRAC: Is there an exit from that machine? VORG: Quite impossible, your worship. Each group of specimens is permanently contained in its own individual chamber. The scope is completely and utterly escape proof. [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. SCOPE WORKINGS (The DOCTOR is using a metal string to cut through a bar across a metal door that is hexagonal in shape, like the plate in the ship.) JO: It's almost through. (The bar is cut through and falls to the floor.) JO: Free! Ladies first? DOCTOR: No, not this time, Jo. After all, we don't know what's behind this door, do we? JO: The TARDIS, I hope. DOCTOR: Yes, so do I. (He pulls open the door and they step through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. CAVE (They find themselves in a rocky but rather false looking cave. They can hear a moaning wind outside.) JO: Looks like some sort of cave. DOCTOR: Yes. Come on. (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: EXT. MARSH (They emerge from the cave into a wilderness. The cave entrance is surrounded with green and yellow foliage and is built into a sandy bank. Apart from that feature, the entire landscape is a flat and desolate land of marsh. Its only other discerning landmark is a winding stream from which bubbles of misty gas emerge.) DOCTOR: Yeah...not quite what I expected, Jo. Hang on a minute, will you? (He runs to the top of the sandy back and parts some of the yellow and green foliage to look over the other side.) JO: Can you see anything? DOCTOR: No, it's just the same. (He runs back down to join JO.) JO: It's a bit scary, isn't it? DOCTOR: Mmm. JO: What are all those bubbles? DOCTOR: Oh, some sort of marsh gas - probably highly inflammable. Come on, we'd better take a look around. (He heads off.) JO: But there's nothing to look at. (She sighs and follows him across the desolation.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (VORG and PLETRAC are arguing, both talking at the same time...) PLETRAC: I will not accept this, Vorg. One repeats to you; one will not accept this. It has been most clearly laid down in ..... VORG: Your worship, the scope if handled with care, is one of the safest conveniences in all ..... (The scope has started to give out a quiet alarm signal which ORUM points out to KALIK.) KALIK: Just a minute! VORG: ...my professional experience... KALIK: What is that? (He points to a flashing red light on the console.) SHIRNA: (Sighs.) Oh, another fault has developed. It's in circuit five this time. VORG: Oh, some insignificant electrical matter. Switch on the circuit, my dear. (The glowsphere shows the view of the empty marshy desolation.) VORG: There you are, you see? It's working perfectly. Nothing wrong there. SHIRNA: The fault is still being signalled. KALIK: What do you call the creatures here? VORG: The Drashigs - my little carnivores! Oh ho! They're great favourites with the children, you know. With their gnashing and snapping and tearing at each other. (He laughs.) SHIRNA: Vorg - look! (The DOCTOR and JO appear on the screen, walking across the flat marsh.) VORG: The Tellurians! They've broken into the circuit! SHIRNA: Vorg, you've got to get them out. VORG: How can I? They're already as good as dead. ORUM: Why? VORG: Once the Drashigs get their scent, they won't stand a chance! KALIK: (Interested.) Fascinating... [SCENE_BREAK] 32: EXT. MARSH (The DOCTOR and JO look across the eerie landscape.) DOCTOR: Something's wrong, Jo. JO: (Fearfully.) Let's go back, Doctor. I don't like it here. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) No, neither do I. (They turn round and start to head back.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: EXT. INTER MINOR. SPACE PORT (SHIRNA shakes her head sadly.) SHIRNA: They'll never make it. [SCENE_BREAK] 34: EXT. MARSH (The silence is broken. A sound between that of a cry and a roar is heard, seemingly in the distance. The two spin round.) JO: What was that?! (The DOCTOR is silent for a moment. They hear a variation of the sound again.) DOCTOR: I don't know. But it didn't sound very friendly. (JO hears a noise and turns round.) JO: Look! (A gigantic reptilian creature bursts from the wet swampy ground. It has an elongated trunk of a body, six eyes on stalks on the top of its head and a huge red mouth with massive white teeth including several long incisors. It looks down on and screams a roar at the two helpless visitors to its domain...)	Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who and Jo attempt to find a way out of the Scope? A: the crew; Q: Who on the Bernice becomes more dangerous when Vorg tries to entertain the Minorans? Summary: The Doctor and Jo attempt to find a way out of the Scope but, when Vorg attempts to entertain the Minorans, the crew of the Bernice suddenly become a lot more dangerous.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. STREET OUTSIDE THE SIXTH SENSE OCCULT SHOP - NIGHT] (Sirens wail in the distance. There's low to medium traffic on the street - a car parks and people get out. People walk on the sidewalk on both sides of the street.) (Camera focuses on the neon sign on the occult shop's window - a neon eye on a neon yellow triangle in the center of the shop name: SIXTH SENSE.) (We slowly push in toward the sign, through the center of the eye's pupil as we enter through the window and into the ... [INT. THE SIXTH SENSE OCCULT SHOP - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (The shop is dimly lit with lamps and low lighting. We push further into the shop past a shelf with skulls and a crystal ball on a stand.) CUE Voices: (Sounds of conversation filter from the back room. We move completely through the crystal ball and past the shelves of different colored bottles filed with various items.) Sedona Wiley: (o.s.) Focus all your intention on the crystal for your highest truth. (We pass hanging baskets with a sign that reads "CHICKEN FEET", across the countertop with various colored bottlesand a wall with various photos as we move to the back of the shop.) [INT. SIXTH SENSE - BACK ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] Sedona Wiley: (o.s.) What is your first question? (We continue past a cabinet and stop in front of the entryway to the back room. The voices are clearer.) Lori: I want to know if he loves me. FLASH TO: [CRYSTAL BALL] (We see the reflection of two women in the glass.) Sedona Wiley: I see red. (Sedona Wiley sits across a small table from two young women - the same two women from 1X22: Evaluation Day.) Sedona Wiley: That can be passion. The connection between you is very strong. (Lori smiles, pleased with the answer. Anna Leah watches Sedona skeptically. Sedona takes a breath and closes her eyes.) Sedona Wiley: I see blood. There's danger around you. Lori: Well, my parents do hate him. Sedona Wiley: I'm getting a name Ray. Ray. And a letter "B." (She opens her eyes.) Sedona Wiley: Uh, when, when we put the name Ray with the letter "B," does anything come up for you? Anna Leah: We don't know anyone named Ray. And my boyfriend's name is Stuart. (Sedona looks at the clear marble in her hands.) Sedona Wiley: There's something else -- "R." Ro-ro ... rode, rode, rodeo. Is he connected to a rodeo? Is he taking you to a rodeo? Lori: I don't think so. (Sedona appears upset, as if she's doing this reluctantly.) Sedona Wiley: I'm getting another image. Um ... an arm. It's a one-armed cactus, but it's not in the ground. And then it's cold. (She opens her eyes and looks at them.) Sedona Wiley: I don't usually tell people when I see bad things, but the danger is so strong I can feel it. (Spooked, Anna Leah gets to her feet.) Anna Leah: Okay, this is stupid. You're scaring us. (Concerned, Lori gets to her feet. Sedona grabs her hands.) Sedona Wiley: Don't ... go. (Anna Leah grabs Lori and the two head for the door.) Anna Leah: Come on. Sedona Wiley: Don't! (Anna Leah and Lori leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SIXTH SENSE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The doorbell jingles as Anna Leah and Lori leave the shop. They head across the street. As soon as Anna Leah steps off the curb, a car stops, tires screeching.) (She whacks the car hood with the palm of her hand.) Anna Leah: Jerk! [DRIVER POV] (Anna Leah and Lori continue walking down the street in front of the car, their images blurring.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SIXTH SENSE - NIGHT] (The area is crowded with officer cars, lights flashing. Grissom exits the SUV and joins Brass.) Brass: Say hello to Anna Leah and Lori. You may remember them. A few years ago they stole a car and found a severed head in the trunk. Grissom: How could I forget that? Brass: Well, now they found a dead psychic, Sedona Wiley, in the occult shop. Lori: She said there was danger all around us. I mean, we almost got hit by a car right here, and then she's dead. Grissom: Wait, I'm confused. You left and then you came back? Lori: Yeah. I forgot my sunglasses. Two hundred bucks. Brass: This officer will take you downtown to take your statement, okay? (Anna Leah rolls her eyes.) FLASH TO: [INT. SIXTH SENSE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Sedona Wiley is dead, faced-up on the floor, her arms away from her body.) (Grissom enters the shop. Photo flashes snap as someone takes pictures of the body. The entire room is trashed.) Grissom: Greg? (Crouched near the body alongside David Phillips, Greg looks up at Grissom. Greg stands up.) Greg: Hey. Grissom: I thought I paged Warrick on this. (Grissom puts his kit down.) Greg: Yeah, about that, uh, we traded days. (Grissom shines his flashlight on Greg.) Grissom: Because? (Greg puts a hand up to block the light.) Greg: Well, uh, it's a long story, but the short answer is I have an expertise in the occult. Grissom: Huh. Hello, David. What do you know? (Grissom heads toward them. Sedona's body is located near the backroom entryway.) David Phillips: Gunshot to the chest. Liver temp is 98 degrees which is odd unless she's running a fever. It means I can't give you an accurate TOD. Sorry. (Greg continues taking photos. David rolls the body over.) David Phillips: Bullet was a through-and-through. Based on lividity, the body wasn't moved. Grissom: What's in the back room? Greg: A small office. Probably where she did the readings. There's, uh, incense, pendulum, jar of marbles. They're used for divining. It's hipper than the old crystal ball. Grissom: Where did you say your expertise comes from? Greg: Oh, my grandmother, Nana Olaf. She was a psychic. She didn't have a store. She just had a kitchen table and she prognosticated for free. She had a sixth sense. And the family thinks that I might have inherited it. Grissom: Okay. What am I thinking? Greg: That I'm due for a promotion? Grissom: I'm thinking you should focus on your other five senses. SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SIXTH SENSE - DAY] (Greg snaps photos of blood drops on a skeleton-decorated stool. He turns and snaps more photos of the broken jars and bottles on the shelves and countertops. He finds more blood drops.) Greg: (puzzled) Got some blood drops over here. Grissom: Connected to the blood pool? Greg: No. (Grissom snaps a photo of the floor near evidence marker B.) Greg: Maybe the killer cut himself? (Quick flash of: Someone swings his arm, knocking the jars and bottles off the countertop. Blood drops fall on the surface. End of flash. Resume to present.) (Greg puts his camera down and digs into his pocket for a swab.) Greg: I'll swab it. (then) Greg: You ever been to a psychic? Grissom: Would it surprise you if I had? Greg: Yeah. Grissom: Surprise. So go ahead and run it for me. (Greg looks around and points to the cash register.) Greg: Sure. Uh, cash register's empty, which could mean robbery gone bad. (He turns to the bullet hole in the wall.) Greg: The shot was a through-and-through. Bullet went into this wall. Haven't extracted it yet. Shot was fired along this line. (Greg places his back to the wall, aligning himself in line with the bullet trajectory.) (Quick flash to: The killer stands in the same position, raises a gun and fires. The bullet heads straight for Sedona Wiley.) (We hear her grunt as the bullet hits flesh.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) (Greg straightens.) Greg: Which puts the shooter on the far side of the body. (Grissom looks around at the damage to the shop.) Grissom: Well, if it was a robbery, why'd they trash the place? Greg: Well, I can think of two reasons: One, the shooter was on drugs and did it just to do it. Or there wasn't enough money in the register and he decided to look for more. Grissom: Go on. (Grissom heads for the back room.) [INT. SIXTH SENSE - BACK ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Grissom pushes the hanging bead divider and looks in the room as he listens to Greg talk.) Greg: (o.s.) Well, uh, he figured that the victim must have had a purse or a safe somewhere ... (Grissom steps into the room and looks around.) Greg: (o.s.) and terrorizing her is one way to get her to give it up. (Grissom picks up a book on the counter nearby. There's a five-point star in a circle on cover. The book is labeled "DEATH". He puts the book down and notices Sedona's purse on the counter. He looks through the purse and takes out her wallet. He opens it, sees the driver's ID, credit cards and cash inside.) NEVADA DRIVER LICENSE EXPIRES: 09-21-2006 sx: M HEIGHT: 5'5" WEIGHT: 114 EYES: BRN HAIR: GRN WILEY, SEDONA 32 POINT VIEW LAS VEGAS, NV 89101 Grissom: They didn't take her purse. (Greg snaps more photos. Grissom finds a tape recorder. He turns it on and rewinds it a little. Sedona Wiley: (from tape) I'm getting a name: Ray. Ray. And a letter "B." Um, when, when we put the name Ray with the letter "B," does anything come up for you? (Greg enters the back room and listens to the tape. He looks down on the table and sees a pair of sunglasses.) Anna Leah: (from tape) We don't know anyone named Ray, and my boyfriend's name is Stuart. (Greg picks up the sunglasses and looks at Grissom.) Greg: Ray Bans -- "Ray B." Sedona Wiley: (from tape) There's something else. "R," ro, rode. Rodeo. Is it connected to a rodeo? Is he taking you to a rodeo? Lori: (from tape) I don't think so. (Greg steps out of the back room.) Sedona Wiley: (from tape) I'm gettin another image, an arm. (He looks out the window.) Sedona Wiley: (from tape) A one-armed cactus, ... (And sees a one-armed cactus sign on the building across the street.) Sedona Wiley: (from tape) ... but it's not in the ground. And then it's cold ... (Greg looks down at the broken glass on the floor. Something catches his eye. He kneels down and the partially covered label on the broken glass reads: RHODE--. The other partially-covered label on the broken glass reads: LAEO--.) Sedona Wiley: (from tape) I usually tell people when I see bad things, but the danger ... (Greg looks at the labels ... then up at the partially covered one-armed cactus sign on the building across the street. Greg: Grissom? Sedona Wiley: (from tape) ... is so strong, I ... (Grissom appears in the doorway, pushing the hanging beads to the side.) Greg: (points) Take a look out there. What do you see? (Grissom looks at the sign.) Greg: A one-armed cactus. And take a look at these labels. "Rhode ... eo." They spell rodeo. Grissom: Power of suggestion, Greg. (Greg stands up.) Greg: I think that the victim saw images of the crime scene. Grissom, I think she foresaw her own death. (Grissom smiles slightly, then closes the hanging beads.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins is standing next to the body on the autopsy table when Grissom enters.) Robbins: Before you ask, no, I did not find her third eye. Grissom: What did you find? Robbins: Center-mass shot front to back. Large caliber bullet. Clipped her aorta. COD was exsanguination. She bled out. Grissom: David said she was running hot. Robbins: There's no signs of infection but I did find trace amounts of a white powder in her nasal cavities and lungs. Possibly cocaine-induced hyperthermia. I ordered a full drug panel and sent a sample to Hodges. It could be a hallucinogen. In some native cultures, shamans use peyote to call forth visions. Grissom: Al, when someone sells love potions and magic spells, the only visions they see are dollar signs. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SIXTH SENSE OCCULT SHOP -- DAY] (Greg prints the cash register. He finds some prints and tapes them. He puts the tape on the others on the counter.) (He looks in the cash register and finds some gold-colored flecks. He takes a tape sample of the flecks.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Grissom and Warrick are moving through the hallway. Grissom is holding a file folder.) Grissom: Five right 44, consistent with a Smith & Wesson, but no hits in IBIS. Warrick: Whew, somebody used some heavy artillery on that psychic. Grissom: And remind me again why you didn't show up at the crime scene? Warrick: 'Cause your former lab boy begged me for it. He offered to take my next holiday on-call. I thought he was nuts, but I wasn't going to pass him up. To be honest with you, Grissom, my wife's having a hard time with my schedule. She's spending a lot of time alone. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. Grissom: Well, you should have cleared it with me. And by the way, you're still on the case. (Grissom hands the file folder to Warrick.) Warrick: All right. (Grissom and Warrick enter the Print Lab.) [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Mandy Webster reports her findings to Grissom and Warrick.) Mandy Webster: I paged Greg. I don't know where he is. Grissom: That's okay, 'cause Warrick is now backing him up. Warrick: What do you got? Mandy Webster: There's too many prints and there's too many hits. I need some help. Can you talk to Ecklie, please? Grissom: I'll do what I can. What about the cash register? Mandy Webster: I ran those per Greg ... per you. All the prints belonged to the victim except for two. Both of which were a match to a Reese Bingham. His work card's in the system. (She points to the monitor which reads: REESE BINGHAM AGE: 22 HEIGHT: 5'9" WEIGHT: 139 LBS EYES: BROWN RACE: CAUCASIAN sx: MALE HAIR: BROWN DOB: SEPT 7, 1984 LAST KNOWN ADDRESS: 30382 DESERT WAY LAS VEGAS, NV 89109 CURRENT OCCUPATION: 2004 - PRESENT: BASMATI RESTAURANT DELIVERY BOY/SERVER Warrick: Okay, I'm on it. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Warrick and Brass interview Reese Bingham.) Brass: The state has a law that murder committed during the commission of a felony buys you the death penalty. Do you understand that? Reese Bingham: This has to be a mistake. I don't even eat meat. Or cheese. I won't even hire an exterminator. Warrick: Your prints were found at the crime scene. Reese Bingham: I haven't been to any crime scenes. Brass: You been to any occult shops lately? Reese Bingham: Yeah, I work next door to one. Warrick: You want to explain to me why your prints were found on the cash register? Reese Bingham: The owner's my friend. Did something happen to her? Brass: You don't know that she's dead? (He sighs, saddened.) Reese Bingham: No. Warrick: She was killed and then robbed, and your prints are on her cash register. Reese Bingham: Okay, yeah, wait ... I can explain that. Brass: Start explaining. Reese Bingham: I work at a vegetarian restaurant. We make these soy burgers. Sedona was hooked on them. So, you know, she'd order, I'd deliver. Brass: So you're a soy-burger-making, vegetarian delivery boy, hmm? Reese Bingham: Look, she's always busy doing a reading or whipping up some kind of potion. She told me to take the money out of the drawer. Brass: Give yourself a tip? Reese Bingham: Soy burger and fries was $6.95 plus tax. I'd take a ten. Warrick: You delivered to her last night? Reese Bingham: (shakes his head) No. Brass: Was it your day off? Reese Bingham: Like most nights, I work until six and then I like ... to go to the Stripperama. Brass: I thought you didn't like meat? (He chuckles unsure.) Warrick: Is there anyone who can confirm that? Reese Bingham: Well, yeah. Warrick: She got a name? Reese Bingham: Girls aren't allowed to tell you their real names, but I call her Star 'cause she has these ... blue stars tattooed on her hips. And it kind of looks like a meteor shower when she dances. Warrick: Would you stand up, please. (Reese stands up slowly, unsure.) Reese Bingham: I can go? Warrick: No. You can strip down to your skivvies. Reese Bingham: Excuse me? Brass: You want some music? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY] (Packey Jameson waits out in the hallway. Brass exits the room and sees him.) Det. Packey Jameson: Hey, Jim. Brass: Packey. (They shake hands.) Brass: What are you doing here? Aren't you retired? Det. Packey Jameson: Well, I'm here on business. (They turn and head down the hallway toward Brass' office.) Brass: Business? I thought your only business was playing golf. Det. Packey Jameson: (chuckles) Any leads on your dead psychic? (They stop in front of Brass' office door. Packey Jameson reaches for the doorknob and opens the door.) Brass: Why? What's the interest? You looking to make a bet? Packey Jameson: I knew the victim. A few weeks ago I went to see her about the Wallace case. Brass: So you're still hunting the white whale, huh? (They enter Brass' office.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Packey Jameson: Fifteen years, no arrests. (The door closes behind him.) Still burns me he used to be one of us. I really wanted to catch Wallace before I retired. Brass: So you talked to a psychic. (Brass sits behind his desk. Packey remains standing.) Packey Jameson: Jim, she told me things that she couldn't possibly know about this case. She also told me that Claire Wallace was murdered by her husband and he buried the body in Summerlin. Brass: Too bad she didn't give you an address. (Brass chuckles. Packey watches him, not pleased at being laughed at. He turns to leave. Brass stops him.) Packey Jameson: Forget it. Brass: No, hey, come on, Packey. Come on, come on. Sit down. Sit down. (Packey sits down.) Packey Jameson: Look, Jim, I interrogated him at least a dozen times. And I never got a rise from the smug bstrd until the last time -- until I repeated what this psychic told me. Brass: So you think Wallace killed her because ... Packey Jameson: He was afraid she'd eventually lead me to the body. I even scheduled another reading with her, but ... Brass: Did he know her? (Packey shakes his head, no.) Brass: Did you tell him her name? Packey Jameson: Of course not. Brass: Well, if he didn't know who she was ... Packey Jameson: All right, all right. At least do me the courtesy of running Gordon Wallace's prints against any prints found at the crime scene. (Packey stands up.) Packey Jameson: Check the case file. The last interrogation tape's still in there. You'll see. (He turns and leaves the office. Brass watches him go. He takes a moment and thinks about it, then reaches for the phone and dials.) Brass: (to phone) Gil, I need a favor. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STRIPPERAMA -- NIGHT] (The Stripperama is packed and busy. Girls in high heels and skimpy outfits dance on stage as men sit around with bills in their hands.) (Warrick talks with the manager.) Manager: Most of my girls have tats. Warrick: He said they were shaped like stars. Manager: What color? Warrick: Blue. Manager: That'd be Tammy. (He indicates the blonde talking with someone at the bar.) Manager: She's at the bar. Help yourself. (The manager leaves.) Warrick: Thanks. (Greg walks in and joins Warrick.) Greg: Hey. Warrick: Greg, what are you doing here? Greg: Oh, Grissom said you're backing me up. Can't back me up if I'm not here. Warrick: The next time you screw me up with Grissom, I'm going to back you up right off a cliff. Greg: (saunters) Oh, come on, Rick, ain't no thing. We're working the case. Flash the badge, no cover charge. (He stops in front of the stage and watches the girl dancing.) Get to see the ladies. Warrick: Let's go. (Warrick and Greg head over to the bar to talk with Tammy. She has blue stars tattooed on her hip.) Warrick: You must be Tammy. (She smiles at him.) Tammy: Yes. Warrick: Is there a quiet place where we could talk? (The man talking with Tammy at the bar glares at Warrick and Greg before walking away.) Tammy: You got the dime, I got the time. Greg: Unfortunately, the Crime Lab doesn't have a budget for that. Greg Sanders, Warrick Brown. Las Vegas Crime Lab. Tammy: Well, we get the bottom of the barrel around this place. Who's in trouble now? (Warrick shows Tammy Reese Bingham's photo.) Warrick: He is. Have you seen him? Tammy: He comes in all the time. Smells like nasty pickles. Warrick: Was he here last night? Tammy: Yeah. Let's see, I go on around seven. He was in the front row waiting. Hung around all night. Then he waited in the parking lot to say good-bye. Greg: So he was stalking you? Tammy: (chuckles) No, nothing like that. He's harmless. (to Greg) Like you, sweetie. (She looks at Greg and kisses the air. Warrick smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (Grissom stands at the table with CLAIRE WALLACE'S file box as he puts the file folder aside. He opens the box and goes through the photos. He looks at the photo of Claire Wallace, smiling and holding a black dog in her arms.) (Grissom sits down and looks over the file folder.) (He picks up a second photo of Gordon Wallace in uniform, holding Claire Wallace. Both are looking at the camera.) (Grissom sets the photo aside and picks up a third photo of the front seat inside a car. There's a pink sweater on the passenger seat.) (He looks through all the photos and puts them down on the desk.) (He flips through the file and looks at the MISSING PERSON report: Date of report: 6-15-91 Time: 0952 Name: Wallace, Claire Race: Caucasian sx: F Birthdate: 3-29-66 Driver's License Number: T5616624 State: NV Social Security: 121-5--- License Plate: 079 HVA State: NV Year: 91 Year of Vehicle: 1990 Make: Honda Type: Accor Claire Wallace was reported missing by her sister Emily, on June 15, 1991, M.P.'s vehicle located in McCarran parking lot B by airport police. Vehicle impounded. No signs of violence in vehicle. M.P.'s sweater postive (sic) ---band. Husband claims wife left him for another man. Arresting Officer: Packey Jameson ID No. 7204 (Catherine walks in.) Catherine: Hey, Gil, if you're swamped, I can always cancel my vacation plans. Grissom: We've got it covered. Catherine: Good, 'cause I really wasn't that serious. What are you working on? Grissom: A favor for Brass. (She picks up the Claire Wallace photo on the desk.) Catherine: Oh, the Wallace case. Yeah, I wanted on this way back when. But I was the new kid, and my supervisor wouldn't let me do it. I probably would have solved it, too. Is there a new lead? Grissom: I'm not sure yet. Catherine: I heard Jameson dug thirty holes in the desert looking for her body? Grissom: Thirty-seven actually. Catherine: That's dedication. (beat) Or obsession. You know, my sister lived near the Wallaces out in Henderson. Their fights were legendary. I was at a barbecue one time, I heard them screaming at each other from three blocks away. Made me and Eddie seem like amateurs. (Grissom picks up a photo off the desk and heads out the office door with Catherine.) Grissom: Where are you and Lindsay going this year? Catherine: Disneyland. With the parents. Grissom: Quality time with Dad? [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (They walk through the hallway.) Catherine: Oh, yeah. And Sam wanted to take us on the Tangiers jet but my mother refused. Said it wasn't the tradition. So now we're driving. Yeah, that'll be a hell of a road trip. (Catherine continues down the hallway as Grissom stops in front of the Print Lab.) Grissom: Have fun. Say 'hi' to Sam. Catherine: (o.s.) Will do. (Grissom enters the Print Lab.) [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (The computer beeps periodically as Mandy continues working on the prints.) Mandy Webster: Still working on those prints from the occult shop. Thank you for talking to Ecklie. He sent me some help. Grissom: Good. I have one more for you. (Grissom hands her a print card for GORDON WALLACE, SSN 399-81-9789.) Mandy Webster: This is LVPD. It's not going to be in the AFIS criminal database. I'm going to have to do a manual comparison. It's going to take longer. Is he a suspect? Grissom: He's a person of interest. (Grissom turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE -- NIGHT] (The label on the evidence bag reads: ARTICLE: TRACE EXHIBIT NO. 28 DATE FOUND, LOCATED OR DEVELOPED: 04/12/06 WHERE THIS ARTICLE WAS FOUND: VIC'S NOSE INVESTIGATION OFFICER: GREG SANDERS (Henry Andrews takes a swab of the evidence bag. He takes some chloroform and adds it to the sample.) (Various dissolves as Henry continues to process the sample. He puts the sample in the machine.) TIME CUT TO: (The results print out just as Greg walks into the lab.) Greg: Hey, Henry, what's up? Henry Andrews: My job can get a little mundane sometimes ... not today. Greg: I'll second that and raise you a stripper. Henry Andrews: Okay, sure ... anyway, the powder on your victim's nose and lungs is atropine. It's used to dilate pupils, control bladder problems and it can be fatal in large doses. Greg: Atropine comes from a plant, right? Henry Andrews: Belladonna. Also known as 'deadly nightshade.' Most people don't know it grows wild throughout the southwest. (Quick flashback to: A broken bottle with the label, BELLADONNA. End of flashback. Resume scene.) Greg: The psychic had that in her shop. Can you tell from the blood work whether she absorbed enough for it to be lethal? Henry Andrews: Levels were fairly low. No other drugs detected. So, no. But if she hadn't been shot, it would have made her sick. Greg: What about hyperthermia? Henry Andrews: Definitely. Why? Greg: The vic's temperature was elevated. Belladonna would help explain it. (Greg turns and sees Wendy walk past the lab.) Greg: Later. (He rushes out of the lab to catch up with her.) [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Greg and Wendy are on the move through the hallway.) Wendy Simms: Hey, I'm on a break. I'll see you in twenty. Greg: Vending machine's on me if you give me your results first. Wendy Simms: No, make it dinner. Greg: Me and you? Wendy Simms: Me, you and my friend Julie. Greg: Okay, but I get to sit in the middle. Wendy Simms: Deal. (They enter the break room.) [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Wendy opens the refrigerator door and gets a plastic container out.) Wendy Simms: So the isolated blood drops from behind the register are not a match to your vic. In fact, they are male. (She shuts the refrigerator door. She sits down.) Greg: Really? Can I have the file? (She shakes her dinner.) Wendy Simms: Later. So, Mandy says that you have a suspect. The guy have any cuts? Greg: Warrick didn't find any, and the suspect had an alibi. But I think you just broke the case. Wendy Simms: How'd I do that? Greg: Well, one of the broken jars at the store contained belladonna, which is a poison. The vic only inhaled it, but if the killer had an open wound, he not only inhaled it ... Wendy Simms: It went directly into his bloodstream. (Quick flash to: Someone knocks the bottles off the shelves. A cloud of white dust rises around the person as they inhale. End of flash. Resume scene.) Greg: (perks up) I need to check the hospitals. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Detective Sam Vega and Greg head for the hospital room.) Sam Vega: Got to hand it to you, Sanders -- nice call. They brought the guy in after he ran his car up onto a median, right behind the Las Vegas sign. Greg: That's like ten blocks from the crime scene. Sam Vega: Yeah. Name's Damon Mitchell. Showed symptoms of narcotics withdrawal. According to the police report, he ran his car off the road up onto the median. No damage to the car, no injuries. But he's apparently hyped up on something. (They enter the hospital room where a physician is attending to Damon Mitchell.) Sam Vega: What do you got, doc? Dr. Franks: Well, the lab just confirmed his blood is positive for atropine. So I'm starting him on an IV drip of physostigmine. Greg: You swab that wound on his hand yet? Dr. Franks: Right when he came in. Greg: Swab's still around? Dr. Franks: Saved it for you. It's in the biohazard bag. (The doctor steps aside. Detective Vega steps forward.) Sam Vega: Mr. Mitchell? I'm Detective Vega. [MITCHELL'S POV] (Detective Vega's voice is distorted and his face is blurry.) Sam Vega: Mind if I ask you a few questions? (Damon puts a hand up, tripped by what he sees.) Damon Mitchell: Oh ... man. Your face is melting. (Vega turns and looks at Greg. Greg shakes his head.) Damon Mitchell: I think I'm going to puke. Sam Vega: (to officer) Make sure you book him when he gets sober. (Vega and Greg turn and leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] [VIDEO TAPE] (Packey Jameson interviews Gordon Wallace on tape.) RESUME SCENE (Brass looks over at Grissom as they watch the tape.) Packey Jameson: (from tape) I got a psychic who can communicate with the dead. The FBI uses her to locate people. Your dead wife's been talking to her. Says her spirit is stuck in Summerlin. She can't cross over until the bstrd who murdered her is caught. Psychic says it's you. (Grissom rewinds the tape.) Grissom: Watch this again. Packey Jameson: (from tape) Your dead wife's been talking to her. Says her spirit is stuck in Summerlin. She can't cross over until the bst*rd who murdered her is caught. (Close-up on Gordon Wallace's eyes. They pause the tape.) Brass: Yeah, Packey, said he got a rise out of him. Grissom: Right when he mentions Summerlin. Brass: So, old Packey has been punching holes in the wrong part of the desert all these years, huh? (Mandy knocks on the door.) Mandy Webster: Sir? Grissom: Yeah? Mandy Webster: You said you wanted the print results as soon as I got them? Grissom: Yes. Mandy Webster: I tried to run Wallace's ten card, but the finger rolls were too sloppy. So I used the latents from the crime scene against the AFIS civil database, knowing he'd be in there, 'cause he used to be a cop. Brass: Did you get a hit? Mandy Webster: Yeah, I got two. Uh, Wallace's prints were on the inside of the door handle. Grissom: That places him at the scene. Brass: Well, what do you know? Grissom: Were the other ones Greg's? Mandy Webster: No. They were another cop. A ... retired Detective Patrick Jameson. Brass: Yeah, Packey said he went there to get a reading. Mandy Webster: Yeah. Found a few on the table, then there were a few more on the broken jars that were found behind the counter. Grissom: Why was he behind the counter? Brass: Come on. Why would Packey want to kill Sedona? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Grissom finds Greg walking in the hallway.) Grissom: I need to talk to you. Greg: You heard about the strip club? Grissom: I hear about everything, Greg. Greg: Then that ear surgery paid off. Our first lead didn't pan out, but I got a better one. Damon Mitchell crashed his black Chevy into a median only ten blocks from the occult shop, right around the time the psychic was killed. His prints match latents we found at the scene. He was hospitalized for what turned out to be belladonna poisoning. And get this -- he worked the National Finals Rodeo last year. Slam dunk. I'm meeting Vega at PD in twenty minutes. Grissom: We have one more lead to follow up before we call this a slam dunk. Greg: What lead? I don't think your sixth sense is working as well as you'd hoped. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE] (Brass talks with Packey Jameson.) Packey Jameson: Are you accusing me of something? Brass: Oh, come on, Packey, you know how this works. I'm just trying to put the pieces together. Packey Jameson: I went to Sedona's shop for a consultation. I brought her Claire Wallace's sweater, from the car we found at the airport. And for your information, I signed it in and out of evidence, per chain of custody. Brass: Okay ... Packey Jameson: I also showed her a couple of photos. She did her thing; I paid her; I left. Brass: So you were only in the back of the shop? Packey Jameson: You've been there. You know you have to walk from the front to get to the back. Now, come on, Jim. You want ask me something? Don't be shy. Brass: Somebody trashed the place, and we found your prints, on the pieces of broken glass. Packey Jameson: And you think, what, I did it? Brass: No, but I want to know what your prints are doing on those glass jars. (He sighs.) Packey Jameson: She had all these weird powders and fairy dust, and something called a gris-gris bag. Said she had her mojo working. Seemed sketchy. I figured she was dealing. Brass: Oh ... I don't know, Packey, that's a stretch. Packey Jameson: Come on, Jim. You know these hippy-dippy types. They love their drugs, so I questioned her. Got a lesson in alchemy. Have you ever seen a wolf's heart? (Brass shakes his head.) A dried bat? (no.) Well, I held 'em. Satisfied? (Brass sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Damon Mitchell drinks a cup of water. Detective Vega and Greg interview him.) Damon Mitchell: Can I get some more water? Sam Vega: We're all out. Mr. Mitchell, are you into psychics? Damon Mitchell: No. I'm not ... I'm really thirsty. Doctor said push the fluids. Sam Vega: We know that you went to an occult shop. Greg: Yeah, you left your fingerprints and your blood at the location. And according to this tox report, you were most likely poisoned at the same place. Damon Mitchell: Okay. I was there, but I didn't kill that little con artist bitch. Sam Vega: Then why lie about it? Damon Mitchell: 'Cause I didn't think you'd believe me. (He shows them the handcuffs.) I'm in enough trouble already. Sam Vega: Give it a shot. Damon Mitchell: My wife is a junky. She's a psychic junky. She spent our entire savings on consultations, tarot readings and other garbage. Thousands of dollars. I told her she had to quit seeing this woman. That was my mistake. The week after, Sedona starts having these visions of me cheating. You ever try to defend yourself against a psychic's vision? Sam Vega: I bet that pissed you off. So you got revenge by ... Damon Mitchell: I went down there to confront the bitch because she ruined my life. You want to know what she said to me? (Quick flashback to: [INT. SIXTH SENSE OCCULT SHOP - DAY] Damon Mitchell talks with Sedona Wiley.) Sedona Wiley: You want your wife back? That's going to cost you $5,000. Damon Mitchell: What?! Sedona Wiley: Cash. I will look into her future and I'll tell her that she takes you back, and you live happily ever after. (End of flashback. Resume scene.) Damon Mitchell: She tried to extort more money from me after she had already taken it all. I lost it. (Quick flashback to: Damon Mitchell: You think this is funny? Huh! (Damon Mitchell trashes the shop, knocking the glass bottles off the counters, smashing them to the floor.) (End of flashback. Resume scene.) Sam Vega: Mr. Mitchell, do you own a gun? Damon Mitchell: No. Look, when I left there, she was alive. Greg: What time was that? Damon Mitchell: It was after nine, around ... closer to 9:30. Sam Vega: Then where'd you go? Damon Mitchell: Uh ... I went around the corner to the liquor store for some bourbon. But before I even opened it, I started to feel woozy. You know, then ... everything kind of went sideways. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (Warrick and Greg move through the hallway.) Warrick: The cops find the gun or the stolen cash in the vehicle? Greg: No. Only a full bottle of bourbon. But he could've ditched the gun. Warrick: Well, the victim took him for several grand. He's not ditching the money. (Hodges turns the corner. He's wearing a suit.) Warrick: Tight suit, baby. Hotches: Actually, it's not. Um, I've only gained a couple of pounds, and I tend to gain ... Warrick: No, I mean it, looks good on you. Hodges: I see. Well ... Thank you, Warrick. Greg: So, what's with the ghetto? Hodges: I was with Conrad and the mayor at the City Council budget meeting, requesting more funds for you slackers. Greg: So you probably didn't have any time to get some work done? Hodges: Au contraire. (He turns and motions them to follow him.) Hodges: Multitasking is my forte. In fact, I shared your results with the City Council. (to Greg) Fine crime fighting, courtesy of your Trace Lab. (They enter the Trace Lab.) [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - CONTINUOUS] (Hodges goes over the results with them.) Hodges: The gold flecks that you pulled from the cash register was iron pyrite, commonly known as 'fool's gold.' Warrick: What was it doing in the cash register? Hodges: It's also known as 'prosperity dust.' It could be for good luck. Greg: Didn't work for Sedona Wiley. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS SKYLINE (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CONCERT VENUE - BACKSTAGE -- DAY] (Brass and Grissom walk up to Gordon Wallace standing in the center of the stage. Grissom is carrying a file folder. Gordon Wallace oversees the work going on around him. He turns around and sees them.) Gordon Wallace: Jim Brass. Been a long time. (They don't shake hands.) Brass: How's it going, Gordon? This is Gil Grissom from the Crime Lab. So, Gordon, where were you the night before last between six-thirty and ten? Gordon Wallace: Well, I'm working 24-7 for Joslynn Raines ... (He turns to point her out.) ... while she's in town, so I was here with my crew until ten. Raced over to the airport, picked up my brother. Flew in from Florida, landed around ten-thirty. Brought him back here for the last show. Grissom: You ever been to the Sixth Sense Occult Shop? (Gordon Wallace scoffs.) Brass: What? That's funny? Gordon Wallace: Nah, it's just, I ... I thought you were busting my chops for your boy, Jameson. Yeah, I was there, earlier this week. Joslynn wanted to buy a love potion. Despite her killer looks, the young lady is unlucky in the romance department. (off their looks) You don't believe me? Let's go ask her. (He turns around and heads over to Joslynn Raines.) Gordon Wallace: Hey, Joslynn can you spare a minute for the, uh, boys in blue? (She turns around as Gordon sits down on a speaker and crosses his feet.) Joslynn Raines: Friends of yours? Sure. Nice to meet you. Love your city. So you got a pen, or ... ? (Puzzled, Grissom gives her his pen. She takes the pen ... and the file folder in his hand. She signs the folder for him.) Brass: Um, Miss Raines, were you at the Sixth Sense Occult Shop earlier this week? (She hands the signed file folder and pen back to Grissom.) Joslynn Raines: Yeah. Gordie took me. I got a reading, picked up a few things. Brass: Uh-huh. Did, uh, did Gordie go inside the shop with you? Joslynn Raines: Mm-hmm. He goes where I go. (Grissom notices the underside of Gordon's shoes. There's a piece of red glass stuck in the rubber.) Joslynn Raines: I offered to pay to clear his aura, but he wasn't in to it. It's good for his soul. (Gordon stands up.) Gordon Wallace: Are we done? You're going to need to ... exit out the front. SHORT TIME CUT TO: (Brass and Grissom are making their way to the front.) Brass: Maybe we can get a warrant and match the glass in Wallace's shoe to the glass we found at the scene, and then tie him to the murder. Grissom: I don't know how. Glass breaks all the time. It's not a unique event. Plus, he admits to being in the shop, which accounts for his prints. Brass: You know, maybe Packey was right -- maybe Wallace did kill that psychic. Grissom: Well, he'd only kill her if he also killed his wife. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- NIGHT] (Packey Jameson opens the map on the table between him, Greg and Warrick.) Packey Jameson: This is the map I've been working off of, and each of these red stickers represents a hole I dug based on different information. (He points to the red dots on the map over and near SUNRISE MANOR.) Packey Jameson: Now, most were around the house he owned in Sunrise Manor. These were near his, uh, brother's place, and a few near his sister's place. That's where they grew up, in Henderson. Greg: So you never looked in Summerlin? Packey Jameson: No reason to. Warrick: Well, it says here, when Wallace was a cop, he worked the northwest substation, that includes Summerlin. Packey Jameson: Yeah, but he hadn't been on the job that long, and Summerlin is out of his comfort zone and a long way from where they live. No, he ... he had better options closer to home. Warrick: So, where would his parameters be? Packey Jameson: Well, he'd pick a place where people don't normally go. (Warrick looks at Gordon Wallace's work log.) Warrick: Wallace worked northwest from January 1990 to August '92. He responded to like 20 crime scenes in Summerlin. If we just limit it down to the remote location ... Packey Jameson: Yeah. Let me look at that. (He looks at the list of calls: Illegal Dumping Susp. Person Vandalism Broken water pipe Illegal dumping at abandoned septic tank Disturbance Susp. Persons Abandoned property Abandoned vehicle Illegal Dumping Illegal Dumping Warrick: Summerlin's changed a lot over the last ten years. Packey Jameson: Yeah, but there's two ... (He looks back up the list.) Packey Jameson: ... three, possibilities. I got an idea. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SUMMERLIN -- NIGHT] (Various personnel are looking around the area. They each are pushing equipment to look at what's buried underground.) (Grissom and Packey Jameson are standing behind an open SUV.) Packey Jameson: Back in the day, squatters were always camping their RVs in this area. That's what brought Wallace up here. Illegal dumping of human waste on public lands. (Warrick finds something.) Warrick: Grissom! I've got something! (He turns and looks at the monitor.) Grissom: That's a metallic signature. This could be the abandoned septic tank. Packey Jameson: Time to find out. SHORT TIME CUT TO: (Warrick, Greg and others are digging in the area. Packey watches from the side.) (They find the septic tank lid and clear it.) (Greg hooks the wires to the lid. Warrick hooks the wires together.) Warrick: Clear! (He activates the pulley and the lid is dragged off the septic tank.) (Grissom and Packey Jameson turn on their flashlights and look inside. They find a wrapped body on the bottom.) [INT. TANK - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Greg goes down into the tank and unwraps the body. Sure enough, there's a skeleton. It's a grim find.) Grissom: Mrs. Wallace, I presume. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SUMMERLIN -- DAY] (It's day. Grissom, Packey and other personnel are still out at the site. Grissom looks in the tank and sees something.) Grissom: Hey, Greg. (Greg looks at him.) You missed some. (Greg sighs and gets to his feet. He heads over to the tank.) Greg: (mutters) Well, one more spider bite won't make a difference. But you, being the bug guy, would probably enjoy being bitten. [INT. TANK - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Greg enters the tank. He sees the bone just under the dirt and picks it up. It's a small curved bone. He looks at it, then heads back up.) (He hands the bone to Grissom.) Greg: (o.s.) Could be rib. (Grissom looks at the bone.) Grissom: It's too small. (Greg brushes the dirt away from more bones in the ground.) Grissom: (to Packey) Did the Wallaces have a kid? Packey Jameson: No. That was part of the marital discord. Greg: Check this out. (Greg hands a small skull and some spine to Grissom. Grissom looks at it.) Grissom: Claire Wallace did have a dog. Packey Jameson: Yeah. Yeah, I interviewed her sister. Said Claire had a little bulldog named, uh ... think it was Sneakers. (Warrick stands up and snaps a photo of the bones.) Packey Jameson: Took him everywhere with her. (Warrick notice something.) Warrick: What's this around the neck? Grissom: It's a wire. Packey Jameson: Killed the dog. He had to kill the dog to make it look like Claire took Sneakers with her. Otherwise, nobody'd believe his story. Greg: No collar or tags down here, but I found this ... whatever it is. (Greg hands Warrick the metal contraption. It looks like a small brace with two tires.) (Grissom looks at the item.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins and David Phillips stand around the table. David is holding a clipboard. Grissom walks in.) Robbins: (to David) Really thin, high-bridge nose. All indicate caucasoid. Grissom: Any chance at an ID? Robbins: Well, so far, everything's consistent with Claire Wallace. Unfortunately, because she was in a metal box in the desert, DNA's not likely viable. I sent samples of the long bones to Wendy anyway, but I don't expect results. Grissom: Dental records? (Robbins picks up the skull.) Robbins: (sighs) The, uh, killer knocked out most of her teeth. Roots are still in the bone. She was brutalized. Grissom: Cause of death? (He points to the holes in the skull.) Robbins: I noted three separate and distinct fractures: One on the right side ... and two distinct fractures on the left side. We were able to identify the missing skull fragments, but when I tried to fit them back together, I couldn't. There was deformation of the bones. Pre- or peri-mortem, the human skull has an elastic quality, so when there's a fracture, the pieces will change shape. But post-mortem, the bone is brittle, and when it's fractured, the pieces retain their shape. It's not unlike breaking a vase or a bowl. INSERT: CGI EFX: (The pieces fit in perfectly in the hole in the skull.) Robbins: (V.O.) The pieces all fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. RESUME SCENE: Robbins: So based on the fractures to her skull, it appears she was struck in the head three separate times, and since the pieces won't fit back together, blunt force trauma to her skull is your COD. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Greg and Warrick stand over the table with the dog bones on it.) Greg: Did you know that there are approximately 280 bones in a dog's body? Warrick: Yeah? Greg: Well, the, uh, forensic vet should be here soon. Hopefully, he'll be able to determine whether this is a French Bulldog. Warrick: I'm thinking this dog was an amputee. Greg: Based on what? (He picks up the metal contraption.) Warrick: This contraption. Looks like the, uh, canine equivalent of a wheelchair. My grandmother had a neighbor whose dog was hit by a car. The dog lived, but the doctor had to amputate the hind legs mid-femur. (He picks up a bone.) Warrick: This is the hind femur, or what's left of it. You see how it was cut? (Greg takes the bone and looks at it under the magnifying glass.) Warrick: You know, if Sneakers here was a handicapped dog, ID-ing it just became a whole lot easier. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -DAY] (Grissom and Brass talk as they walk through the hallway.) Grissom: If we can ID the dog, it'd at least give us a compelling argument that the body found was Claire Wallace. Brass: Yeah, but even with a cause of death of blunt force trauma, we still don't have enough to arrest him. Grissom: So, we re-focus on Sedona Wiley? Brass: Well, it's like a Chinese puzzle. She knew who Wallace was, but Wallace didn't know her. Grissom: Greg's suspect, Damon Mitchell, claims that she tried to extort money from him. Brass: So maybe she hit up Wallace, too. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Archie is going through the phone logs.) Archie Johnson: 702-555-0122 that's GW Security. Brass: That's Wallace's company. Archie Johnson: She called that number three times in the last week or so. Brass: She was reaching out to him. Archie Johnson: She called him again four days before she was murdered. Brass: Upping the ante, maybe. (Quick flash to: [INT. SIXTH SENSE OCCULT SHOP - DAY] The doorbell jingles. Joslynn Raines and Gordon Wallace walk into the shop.) Sedona Wiley: (to Joslynn) Hi. (Sedona looks up and sees Gordon Wallace there. She doesn't appear pleased to see him.) Grissom: (V.O.) Maybe he went there to intimidate her. (End of flashback. Resume scene.) Brass: So she was shaking him down when he went in the store to shake her up. You know, Wallace said it was the singer's idea to go in there, not his. Grissom: Yeah, he also said he didn't murder his wife. Brass: You know, the girls said something curious -- the two that found the body. I didn't think it was important at the time. When they left the store, a car almost ran them down. (Quick flash to: [EXT. STREET OUTSIDE SIXTH SENSE OCCULT SHOP - NIGHT] A car speeds along the street just as Anna Leah and Lori are crossing. The car barely stops in time, tires screeching.) Anna Leah: Jerk! (Anna Leah hits the car with the palm of her hand.) (End of flash. Resume.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- DAY] (Greg and Brass talk with Anna Leah and Lori.) Greg: So, your hand made contact with the hood of the car? Anna Leah: You bet it did. I was born in Manhattan. Greg: Well, I'm going to need an impression of your palm and your fingerprints. Anna Leah: If it helps nail the guy, sure. (She holds out her right palm. Greg rolls black ink on it.) Brass: Do you remember anything about the vehicle? Was it a car, a truck, SUV? Lori: I think it was a car. Brass: What color was it? Lori: It was red. Stuck in my head after what the psychic said. Blood red. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONCERT VENUE -- NIGHT] (The parking lot is filled. Greg and Grissom are leaning over the hood of a red car. Greg dusts the hood and finds a palm print. He tapes the print.) Greg: Voila. (An officer escorts Gordon Wallace out of the venue and into the parking lot.) (Greg does a visual comparison. Both he and Grissom are satisfied it's a match.) (Gordon Wallace walks up to Packey Jameson.) Gordon Wallace: You sad old man. Is this all you have to live for? (Greg and Grissom join them.) Greg: Palm print on the hood of the car appears to be a solid match to Anna Leah. Gordon Wallace: Who's that? Brass: She's a good witness who places your car outside the shop on the night of the murder. Gordon Wallace: (shrugs) Maybe I was in the neighborhood. It's not a crime to drive around Vegas. I was only in that shop once, and I got my own witness. You got nothing. Grissom: Our warrant also includes your shoes. (Grissom holds up the warrant.) Gordon Wallace: You like 'em? They're new. Threw the old ones away. Grissom: May I take a look at your wallet, please? Gordon Wallace: What for? (Grissom holds up the warrant.) Grissom: Because I can. (Gordon Wallace takes out his wallet and gives it to Grissom. Grissom tucks the warrant in his jacket pocket and takes the wallet. He opens the wallet and pulls out some of the bills a little to look inside.) (Gordon Wallace watches him smugly. Grissom turns on his flashlight and finds gold flecks on the bills.) Grissom: You didn't make a purchase at that shop, did you? Gordon Wallace: Already told you that. Grissom: Gold flecks ... similar to the substance we found in Sedona Wiley's cash register. INSERT FLASHBACK TO: [INT. SIXTH SENSE OCCULT SHOP - NIGHT - FLASHBACK] (Sedona gasps. Gordon Wallace steps forward, aims his gun and fires. He takes the cash out of the register.) END OF FLASHBACK - RESUME SCENE Greg: You took the money to make it look like a robbery. Packey Jameson: We got him. Brass: You know, Packey, you've been waiting a long time for this. Why don't you take him down? (Packey looks at Gordon Wallace.) Packey Jameson: I couldn't get you for the murder of your wife, but you are now under arrest for the murder of Sedona Wiley. (The officer handcuffs Wallace and leads him away. Packey smiles, satisfied.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT] (Greg and Grissom sit at his desk and talk.) Greg: You have to admit, it's, uh, pretty eerie -- Sedona's visions of her own death. Grissom: Yeah. Maybe you should ask Nana Olaf to contact her, see how she's doing. Greg: Yeah, I know you're a cynic. I just think that you can have beliefs and still be a scientist. Grissom: I agree. The problems arise when people mistake their beliefs for the science. (Greg nods. He looks pointedly at the book in Grissom's hand.) Grissom: I've been reading her notebooks. (Grissom opens the notebook and shows Greg the title: DEATH.) Grissom: Take a look at this. (Grissom opens to a page and shows it to Greg.) The text reads: I see that something is blocking ... cannot move alone. I am looking through an immense cloud ... a thick fog. I sense discomfort, uneasiness in the path ahead. He/she is in Summerland, but there is chaos and darkness surrounding him/her. He/she is in Summerland, but she can't cross over yet. Greg: (reading) "She is in Summerland ... but there is chaos and darkness surrounding her. She is in Summerland, but she can't cross over yet." Grissom: Sedona said Claire Wallace was "In Summerland," not buried in Summerlin. Greg: What's Summerland? Grissom: Pagans believe it's a mystical place where souls go to rest before they reincarnate. Greg: So Jameson heard Summerlin ... Grissom: Because he was desperate to solve the case. Then when Wallace heard Summerlin ... he assumed Sedona was the real deal. (Greg thinks about it and closes the book.) Greg: The power of suggestion. (Off Grissom's knowing look, we ...	Plan: A: her own shop; Q: Where was the psychic found dead? A: the available evidence; Q: What leads Greg to believe the psychic foresaw her own death? A: his grandmother; Q: Who did Greg reveal was a psychic? A: Grissom; Q: Who resolves to use his scientific methods to find out what happened? A: retired Detective Packey Jameson; Q: Who believes the psychic's death is linked to an unsolved murder he worked on years ago? A: Packey Jameson; Q: Who is the retired detective who suspects the psychic's death is linked to an unsolved murder he worked on years ago? A: Brass; Q: Who is Packey Jameson an old friend of? A: the CSIs; Q: Who does Packey Jameson convince to help him solve his old case? A: his old case; Q: What does Packey Jameson want to revive? A: the killer; Q: Who is the same person who killed a psychic years ago? Summary: When a psychic is found dead in her own shop, the available evidence leads Greg to believe she foresaw her own death. Greg also reveals that his grandmother was a psychic, but Grissom resolves to use his scientific methods to find out what happened. Meanwhile, retired Detective Packey Jameson, an old friend of Brass, suspects the case is linked to an unsolved murder he worked on years ago, and persuades the CSIs to help him revive his old case. In the end it is revealed that the killer is the same person.
MEREDITH: (narrating) Many people don't know that the human eye has a blind spot in its field of vision. There's a part of the world that we are literally blind to. (Meredith and Derek are taking a bubble bath.) MEREDITH: What did I say? DEREK: Seriously. MEREDITH: Seriously. DEREK: Seriously. MEREDITH: Seriously, we're taking it slow. DEREK: We can take it slow. We can take it incredibly slow. MEREDITH: We're taking it slower than that. We're starting fresh. DEREK: And starting fresh means no sx because? MEREDITH: Because we started with sx last time and it didn't go very well. Plus the waiting is fun. From now on I wanna be bright and shiny. DEREK: Bright and shiny, huh? MEREDITH: (narrating) The problem is, sometimes our blind spots shield us from things that really shouldn't be ignored. MEREDITH: Mom. The nurses tell me you haven't been eating. ELLIS: No time. I've been in the OR all morning. And i've got back to back surgeries the rest of the day, so... MEREDITH: I'm sorry I haven't been visiting it just... ELLIS: Look I don't have time to coddle you right now. I'm trying to save lives here. Do you understand. Do you? CHIEF: Dr. Grey. MEREDITH: Chief. ELLIS: Richard! (She goes to hug him and receives some baked goods in a box.) For me? You shouldn't have. CHIEF: The nurses said she hasn't been eating. ELLIS: Oh you wonderful man. CHIEF: I'm interrupting. I'll go. MEREDITH: No, chief. You stay. I'll go. MEREDITH: (narrating) Sometimes our blind spots keep our lives bright and shiny. MEREDITH: Today is the day people. Today is the day when dark and twisty Meredith disappears forever. And bright and shiny Meredith takes her place. You're probably not going to want to be friends with me anymore cause the sheer intensity of my happiness will make your teeth hurt. That's okay, 'cause life is good. Life is good. What's going on? (Everyone is gathered around George, who has someone's chart.) IZZIE: George's dad was admitted last night. MEREDITH: Oh my God, is he okay? GEORGE: He's fine. IZZIE: He passed out, hit the floor and fractured his clavicle. GEORGE: His clavicle is fine. Callie said... she said it's fine. MEREDITH: Are those his AM labs? ALEX: Complaining of severe abdominal pain. CHRISTINA: He doesn't have peritoneal signs, that's good. BAILEY: Has anybody seen... GEORGE: I was just looking at it. BAILEY: Don't you think me reading it is more important than you reading it? GEORGE: Sure. Fine. He's going to be fine. BAILEY: You're on SCUT today. You'll be distracted. GEORGE: No I wont... BAILEY: Family members do not treat family members. SCUT. CHRISTINA: I'm scrubbing in on a surgery with Dr. Burke this morning. BAILEY: Of course you are. Karev, Sloan. Grey, pit. Stephens shadow Karev. And let me remind you again of the rules of your probation. ALEX: I think she knows the rules Dr. Bailey. BAILEY: No touching patients, no talking to patients, no rolling your eyes at patients...or your superiors. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: Hey, good morning Addison! ADDISON: What's that supposed to mean? DEREK: It's a greeting. Used in civilized cultures in their civilized environments. ADDISON: You're smiling. DEREK: It's called happiness. I understand why you wouldn't recognize it. ADDISON: Wait...So we're being mature about this? DEREK: Yes. We are going to peacefully co-exist in this hospital. Unless you've reconsidered moving back to New York. (She smiles a negative.) Okay then, peacefully co-exist. ADDISON: Interesting. DEREK: Yes, we're adults, we're educated, I think we're capable of many many things. Come on let's shake on it. (She is still wearing her wedding rings.) ADDISON: So I'm still wearing the rings. I think they're stuck. DEREK: Have you tried soap? I hear it's good and slippery. (He bursts into laughter.) ADDISON: You are a very strange person Derek. DEREK: I am just bright and shiny, Addison, Bright and shiny. CALLIE: No, so then I just popped his shoulder back into place. He didn't even flinch. Your brother is hard core. GEORGE: Callie, what are... BAILEY: Looks like you've got a full house Mr. O'Malley. MR. O'MALLEY: Just waiting on the wife. She's in DC chaperoning a field trip. She'll be back tonight. CALLIE: His clavicle is still hurting, so I added PRN morphine every 4 hours. BAILEY: And I scheduled your endoscopy for this afternoon. BROTHER 1: And endo-what? GEORGE: Scope. It's like...a camera. Brother 1; That sounds dangerous. Is it dangerous? GEORGE: It's not dangerous. BROTHER 1: I asked the doctor. BROTHER 2: Yeah let the doctor speak Georgie. GEORGE: White coat...let's look at the white coat. BROTHER 2: What about an x-ray. 'Cause I had that once and I feel like... GEORGE: Shut up...just both of you shut up. BAILEY: O'Malley. ALL 4 BOYS: What? (They all burst in to laughter.) MARK: Ah, excellent. My invaluable intern. Is it bring-a-hot-blond-to-work day? Nobody told me. IZZIE (coughing): Sexual harassment. ALEX: Dr. Stephens is shadowing me today, so... IZZIE: What case do you need us on? MARK: It's a really tragic one. Just this morning I found out that I have over two weeks worth of dry cleaning that needs to be picked up STAT. ALEX: That's it? Cool. MARK: See, we're like a well-oiled machine, you and me. I also need you two to get me a sandwich from that pathetic excuse for a deli, Karev you know the one I like. But go easy on the mayo this time. I think you're trying to kill me. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: I don't see why I can't at least help with my daddy's endoscopy. BAILEY: What about "no working with family" do you understand? GEORGE: I'm not asking to do the procedure... BAILEY: Fine. Pick an intern. GEORGE: What? BAILEY: I'm being kind. You want an intern assigned to your dad's case? Fine. Pick an intern. Right now. (George walks into Burke's surgery. Christina is taking the lead.) BURKE: Good. Now we want to place the partial Occluding clamp on the aorta. Slowly. Good. Now we want to make sure all the grafts are deaired before you remove the venus and aorta cannulus. GEORGE: He's letting her decanulate the heart by herself? NURSE: Freaking unbelievable, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] BAILEY: What do we have? EMT: Mia Hanson. 5 year old female, crush injury to the abdomen. Blunt trauma to the head. Her BP is 90/60. Pulse is 110 DEREK: How was she injured? EMT: Backed over by her mom's SUV. ANNA: She's uh... her blood type is A- and she's allergic to penicillin and wheat... I'm so sorry Mia, I am so sorry baby. MEREDITH: Has she had anything to eat today? ANNA: Um cereal this morning around 6:30. MEREDITH: Okay, Mrs. Hanson, we're going to take care of your daughter. MRS. HANSON: I'm Mrs. Hanson, Mia is my child. Anna is just the nanny who ran over my daughter. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: I'm going to examine your neck okay? MEREDITH: It's okay Mia, my name is Meredith. And Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Bailey are just trying to see where you're hurt. MR. HANSON: What happened? MRS. HANSON: She ran over Mia in the drive way. MR. HANSON: She what? ANNA: She wasn't supposed to be in the driveway...Mrs. Hanson told me to go get some milk and i...i didn't see her. MR. HANSON: How do you not see a child standing in the drive way? Where were you? MRS. HANSON: What? MR. HANSON: Where were you that you couldn't watch Mia for five minutes? MRS. HANSON: I was supposed to be in court. MR. HANSON: Oh so you were on the phone. MRS. HANSON: I was letting them know that I was going to be late. MR. HANSON: Instead of watching Mia? MRS. HANSON: Oh so now this is my fault? BAILEY: Hey! It's the car's fault okay? SUV's have blind spots the size of Jupiter. And all this yelling and fighting and placing blame is not going to help your child. MRS. HANSON: Is she going to be okay? DEREK: She has blood in her ear canal. We need to get her upstairs for a CT. ANNA: It's going to be okay, baby girl. MRS. HANSON: Get away from her. Now. ANNA: What? MRS. HANSON: Get out. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: I can't believe you just...you just decannulated a heart all by yourself. CHRISTINA: I did not decannulate a heart by myself. I assisted Dr. Burke, who decannulated a heart. GEORGE: Why are you being modest? Modest looks weird on you. CHRISTINA: It's no big deal George. BURKE: How's your father O'Malley? Anything new? GEORGE: He needs an endoscopy. And Dr. Bailey won't let me be the intern on his case. But she said I could pick someone, and I was wondering if Christina could do it. CHRISTINA: Why? BURKE: That shouldn't be a problem. CHRISTINA: Yes it is. We have a corotid endorectomy at noon. BURKE: Oh. I'll push it. O'Malley's father deserves the best. GEORGE: Thank you Dr. Burke. BURKE: Not a problem O'Malley. CHRISTINA: Your dad better get something interesting wrong with him real fast. GEORGE: You're sick. You're a sick, horrible person. [SCENE_BREAK] IZZIE: Tell me again why you put up with this crap? ALEX: Cause one day he's going to crack and let me in on a case. IZZIE: Are you sure you want to do plastics that badly? MARK: There you are. Did you go all the way to New York for my pastrami? ALEX: Extra spicy, extra lettuce, low on mayo. ADDISON: Mark... what are you doing? MARK: Lunch. You want my pickle? ADDISON: Seattle Grace is a teaching hospital. And part of your job is to teach. Your interns aren't your slaves. MARK: Fine. No pickle for you. ADDISON: Did you see that? CHIEF: Hmm? ADDISON: Sloan! He's using his interns to pick up his dry cleaning...and his lunch. CHIEF: I have to do an endoscopy. ADDISON: What the hell is going on with the men in this hospital? [SCENE_BREAK] MARK: How you doing Mr. Jeffre's. FRANK: Oh Frank's doing okay. He'd be doing a lot better if the twins were even. ALEX: The twins? FRANK: Frank's new pecs. IZZIE: Who is Frank? FRANK: You're looking at him (He wink) MARK: Frank, these are interns. Apparently this is a teaching hospital. I'm supposed to be teaching them. Karev? ALEX: Frank Jeffres is post op day 3 for pectoral enhancement surgery. There was a slight complication when a seroma formed. MARK (yawning): And what is a seroma? IZZIE: It's a build up of blood and fluid unDerek the skin. Sorry. MARK: That concludes today's teaching. A tube was inserted into Mr. Jeffres chest to drain the fluid. I want you to monitor him, check the tube for fluid output and change his dressings. Dr. Stephens...i guess you can...watch. ALEX: Actually Dr. Stephens is an excellent Doctor. MARK: Yeah. That's what I hear. GEORGE: You decannulated a heart this morning. CHRISTINA: I did not... GEORGE: Yes you did. And when we were fishing, I noticed something wierd with his hand like it had a spasm... CHRISTINA: Okay why are you even saying that? It's not funny. GEORGE: I didn't say it was funny, I said it was wierd. And him letting you decannulate a heart is wierd. CHRISTINA: Um you should sit with your father, cause if you want something to worry about, you should worry about him. GEORGE: My father is fine. He's good. Don't... this is Burke. Do you think that... (She walks away) [SCENE_BREAK] MIA: I want Anna MEREDITH: Mommy and Daddy are right here. We're just going to take some pictures. Okay. this is a big camera. MIA: I don't like it. BAILEY: Grey, keep her still. MRS. HANSON: Mia, baby, It's okay,. mommy's here. MIA: Where's Anna? MRS. HANSON: You need to be still. MIA: I want Anna. MRS. HANSON: How about I sing the goodnight song? And you pretend it's bedtime and stay still okay? Goodnight Mia, goodnight mommy, goodnight daddy... MIA: No, you're singing it wrong. MRS. HANSON: I am? I'm singing it wrong? MIA: I want Anna. MR. HANSON: She's in the waiting room honey, I'll get her. Mrs Hanson: John. Let's all sing it together okay? MIA: No, I want Anna. [SCENE_BREAK] JERRY: So you pick a car. CALLIE: Okay, um 1968 mustang Gt fastback. JERRY: That's interesting. That's hot... very hot... the car. RONNY: Right... Georgie, how's dad? GEORGE: Fine, they're not done yet but he's fine. Can I talk to you Dr. Torres? CALLIE: Sure. GEORGE: What are you doing? CALLIE: I'm talking to your brothers. GEORGE: You don't have to do that. CALLIE: It's okay I don't mind. I'm pretty sure Ronny and Jerry both have a thing for me. I was going to go with Jerry 'til he went all1957 Bel-Air. I was like... really? GEORGE: Thank you for trying to help out with my family. But it's really not necessary. CALLIE: George, I'm kidding about your brothers... I'm kidding about your brothers, come on. GEORGE: Callie I'm serious. I can handle my family on my own. You broke up with me, remember? [SCENE_BREAK] (George watches in as the procedure begins.) BAILEY: We may have to do a partial nephrectomy. MEREDITH: Do you think you can save Mia's kidney? BAILEY: Only if we can stop the bleeders. Here, cauterize as I go. Thank you. You poor baby. It's not going to be an easy recovery. MEREDITH: Well with parents like that, she didn't have it easy to begin with. BAILEY: People do the best they can Dr. Grey. MEREDITH: They don't know their kid's blood type. They don't know her favorite song. People want high-power careers. I get that. But they should think twice before having kids. Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean.. BAILEY: What that I should be home with my baby instead of here with this girl and an intern who can't cauterize bleeders? MEREDITH: Dr. Bailey... BAILEY: If I were you Dr. Grey, I would keep my eye on the surgical area and my mouth shut. [SCENE_BREAK] BURKE: O'Malley, how's it going with your dad? GEORGE: Good. The chief's doing the endoscopy so he's in good hands. That was an amazing surgery this morning, how you let Christina decannulate the heart. BURKE: She shows tremendous promise as a cardiothorasic surgeon. GEORGE: She says she didn't do it. BURKE: Probably didn't want to rub it in. Make anyone jealous. GEORGE: We're talking about Christina. Everything alright with you? BURKE: I'm fine. GEORGE: Cause if anything ever wasn't you know you could talk to me right? You've been through a lot lately, getting shot...it can't be easy. BURKE: Yeah. GEORGE: Has is not been easy? BURKE: I'm fine. Send my best to your dad. GEORGE: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] ADDISON: Hey. DEREK: Hey! ADDISON: So this mature thing, how far does it go? DEREK: Meaning what? ADDISON: Meaning is it pleasantries in the hallway or do we actually interact? DEREK: I don't know, that sounds drastic. ADDISON: I'm worried about Richard, he's been down lately. DEREK: Well he's separated from his wife. That usually doesn't make a person giddy. Except in my case. ADDISON: I think he needs someone to talk to. DEREK: So talk to him. ADDISON: No I think we both should. You know, so he knows he has people to turn to. DEREK: Cause he's a little depressed? ADDISON: No because I don't think he's spoken to Adele in weeks, he's our friend and he's always been there for us. DEREK: Once you get divorced, doesn't that mean that your wife is supposed to stop nagging you? Maybe if you took the rings off it would help. ADDISON: Are you going to come with me or not? DEREK: Fine, yes. I'll come. Let's do it. ADDISON: Good. And I'll try soap. For the rings I mean. DEREK: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] FRANK: Oh yeah... that's what I'm talking about. Look at you! Do they still look lopsided? From the seroma? ALEX: No it looks like most of the swelling has gone down. FRANK: Yeah? Oh yeah. Hey Dr. Stephens would you take a look at the twins? Frank would like a woman's perspective. ALEX: You're just looking. (Izzie looks at Frank's chest.) IZZIE: Uh yep. Looks pretty even to me. Very defined. And the redness should go away in a couple of days. FRANK: Good. Frank got them for his girlfriend. He doesn't want her to see them until they're perfect. ALEX: Your girlfriend asked you to get pec implants? FRANK: No Frank's girlfriend joined a gym and got a trainer named Lars. What kind of name is that...Lars? IZZIE: So you got fake pecs cause you're jealous of a guy with a fake name? FRANK: My last girl friend, Leena, left me for a guy with hair, so I got plugs. This time Frank's not taking any chances. Frank sees the signs of discontent, Frank's fighting back. IZZIE: I don't know. I just don't get the whole fake boob thing, no offense. FRANK: No these are top of the line. They look real they feel natural. No really. Feel them, really. Feel them. (Izzie pokes his chest.) IZZIE: Ooh, very solid. FRANK: And real. IZZIE: I don't know about that. FRANK: Well compare them to his (He points to Alex.) ALEX: I'm not involved with this. IZZIE: Oh don't be such a baby. (He lifts up his scrub top and Izzie puts one hand on each guy's chest. In walks Mark.) MARK: This... this is why I don't work with interns. [SCENE_BREAK] BAILEY: Mrs. Hanson? MRS. HANSON: Is she alright? BAILEY: Yes, we were able to stop the bleeding. Dr. Shepherd has ordered an MRI for her scull fracture. Hopefully she won't need any more surgery. MRS. HANSON: Oh thank God. BAILEY: She's in recovery. Dr. Grey will take you up to her. MRS. HANSON: Thank you. Can we wait just a minute? My husband went down stairs to us a land line. His battery died. MEREDITH: Sure. MRS. HANSON: So Mia, she's okay? MEREDITH: Oh she is. She uh, keeps asking for Anna. MRS. HANSON: We fired Anna. MEREDITH: Oh. She just seems very attached. MRS. HANSON: That's my fault. According to my husband because I'm a working mother. He a working dad, but apparently that's not the issue. I love my job. I love Mia more. She's my baby...she's my...I love my daughter. I love my job. I'm not good at the mom stuff, but I'm good at my job. [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: I mean why bother to have a kid if you're only going to see it on weekends and holidays? Might as well just get a cat. GEORGE: I talked to Burke, I think he's fine. CHRISTINA: You did what? MEREDITH: What's wrong with Burke? CHRISTINA: Nothing's wrong with Burke. GEORGE: You know he let her decannulate a heart this morning? MEREDITH: You decannulated a heart this morning? Bitch. CHRISTINA: No not by myself. GEORGE: Now she's lying about it. ALEX: Yang decannulated a heart. Why is Alex not surprised? IZZIE: Izzie isn't either. Last week she was digging through crap, this week she's fondling man boobs. No decannulating hearts for Izzie.. GEORGE: Why are you lying about decannulating the heart. CHRISTINA: I didn't. IZZIE: Izzie and Alex do not believe you. MEREDITH: What are you two doing? IZZIE: Izzie and Alex have a patient who speaks about himself in the third person. ALEX: They thought it was annoying at first, but now they kind of like it. MEREDITH: Good. Is it going to stop soon? CHRISTINA: Wow, what happened? This morning you were all bright and shiny, and asking to be kicked in the face. MEREDITH: I am. I'm bright. I'm shiny. CHRISTINA: Yeah. IZZIE: Izzie thinks this whole bright and shiny thing is getting kind of old. ALEX: Alex agrees. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: We think you're depressed. CHIEF: Both of you? ADDISON: Yes DEREK: Yeah CHIEF: Well for the two of you to agree on something I must be damn near suicidal. ADDISON: We agree on things. DEREK: We agree on this. ADDISON: So start talking. CHIEF: Adele and I... she wants me to step down as chief. Retire. DEREK: Retire? Is she crazy? What would you do? ADDISON: Spend a little more time with his wife? DEREK: She's being unreasonable. ADDISON: She wants to know that their marriage is a priority to him. DEREK: She's using his work as an excuse. ADDISON: Or he is. Some men use work, some use other women. DEREK: Some women use other men. CHIEF: I've been visiting Ellis Grey. ADDISON: I was lonely, and you had checked out. I was lonely. CHIEF: I work, I visit Ellis. That's my day. DEREK: You gave up on us first, I was there. CHIEF: I make time for Ellis, I don't make time for Adele. ADDISON: There is something driving a wedge between Richard and Adele. Now maybe you don't see it but I do, and so does Adele. DEREK: Well maybe he sees it and doesn't want to do anything about it. ADDISON: He's got to do something about it! That's what marriage is built on. Change. Change keeps marriage alive. DEREK: The man has a right to do whatever he wants to. CHIEF: STOP... helping me. I miss my wife. I want her back. I don't want my marriage to be over. ADDISON: Richard, your marriage isn't over until you decide it is. DEREK: Right. ADDISON: Until you decide that the sacrifice just isn't worth it. DEREK: Right. (A knock at the door.) CHIEF: Come in. Oh Yang, what is it? (She looks grim.) CHIEF: O'Malley! GEORGE: Yeah? CHIEF: I have your father's test results. [SCENE_BREAK] JERRY: We've been waiting here forever. Where's the doctor? GEORGE: Dr. Webber will be here in a minute. JERRY: They don't tell you anything, huh? Until you're a real doctor... GEORGE: I am a real doctor, Ronny. I just... I'm not dad's doctor. MR. O'MALLEY: What is it Georgie? GEORGE: Let's just wait for Dr. Webber. CHRISTINA: I think he's expecting you to talk to him. GEORGE: He's coming...he said he was coming. CHRISTINA: He's coming later. You should tell your dad. MR. O'MALLEY: What's with all the whispering? GEORGE: The biopsy results were abnormal. MR. O'MALLEY: Well is abnormal bad or just different? Georgie? CHRISTINA: Sir...you have cancer in your oesophagus which has spread to your stomach. You'll need an operation to remove it. And you'll need to undergo chemo and radiation. I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: They're going to try to operate soon. This week I think. It's stage 3 metastatic cancer. And my brothers are... and uh... Callie slept with Sloan. I just can't... I can't deal with any of it. I spent the entire day worrying about Burke... there's nothing wrong with Burke. God, my dad has cancer, and I can't even look him in the face. Christina had to tell him what was wrong. Christina... IZZIE: Nobody gets it right with their own family. MEREDITH: I certainly don't. GEORGE: Yeah. IZZIE: Callie slept with Sloan? GEORGE: I don't get you people. MEREDITH: Us with the boobs? We make a lot of bad decisions. ALEX: Dude, I still can't believe you went through all this for a chick. FRANK: What you never did anything crazy for love? ALEX: Not like this. FRANK: You have a girlfriend? ALEX: No. FRANK: Dr. Stephens? Frank can sense the vibes. ALEX: I'm not talking about this with you. FRANK: She left you for another guy? Frank's hit a nerve. ALEX: It's more complicated than that. FRANK: Then uncomplicate it then man. Grand gesture is what I'm talking about. Just figure out what she wants and make it happen. Forget all about the other guy. Trust Frank. Frank knows. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: What do we got? MEREDITH: Second MRI report shows bleeding in Mia's brain. DEREK: Oh damn it. I gotta go in. Try and relieve the pressure. MEREDITH: Two surgeries in one day? DEREK: But she's tough. And right now we don't have any other options. Not so bright and shiny. MR. O'MALLEY: I thought the cancer was in my gut. What are we looking at my heart for. CHRISTINA: Your EKG showed some abnormalities. We have to make sure your heart is strong enough to support you through surgery. MR. O'MALLEY: You're a smart girl. CHRISTINA: Yes. MR. O'MALLEY: George told me you were the best intern I could have on my case. CHRISTINA: He said that? MR. O'MALLEY: He said you were the best intern in the hospital. You keep everyone on their toes...even him. ECHO GUY: Dr. Yang. Take a look at this. (She looks at the echo.) CHRISTINA: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: You paged me. What is Burke doing in there? CHRISTINA: I did a pre-op echo. His aortic valve is leaking. He won't make it through the surgery unless we replace it. It's just a valve replacement George, he's going to be fine. GEORGE: Burke will do it (at her look) Burke will do it and you will clear his schedule. If someone is going to operate on my dad's heart, I want it to be Burke. CHRISTINA: Yeah. GEORGE: Okay. It's going to be fine. It's a valve replacement, it's Preston Burke. If someone's going to cut your dad's heart open, you want it to be him. What? (She walks off.) GEORGE: What's wrong with Burke's hand? CHRISTINA: Nothing. GEORGE: He's going to operate on my father. CHRISTINA: George, Burke is fine. Your dad will be fine. GEORGE: You're lying. Burke is hiding something and you're helping him. CHRISTINA: Leave me alone. (She turns, and Bailey heard the conversation.) [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: You wanted to see me chief? CHIEF: It's about your mother. Um... I know your relationship with her is complicated, and I know that you know that she and I... MEREDITH: Chief, it's okay. What really matters is that you make her happy. And my father couldn't. And I couldn't. CHIEF: Meredith I... I can't see your mother any more. I need to try to make my marriage work. And if I'm going to do that, I have to stop seeing your mother. MEREDITH: I see. CHIEF: She's an extraordinary woman. She worked so hard, she sacrificed so much and to see it end like this... Take good care of her for me. [SCENE_BREAK] ALEX: (to nurse) We've got it from here. Okay Frank, time to take the tube out. Izzie, put on some gloves. IZZIE: Alex what are you doing? FRANK: What's going on? ALEX: You ready to take out Frank's boob tube? IZZIE: What about the rules? What if Sloan finds out? ALEX: Screw Sloan. FRANK: She does know what she's doing right? ALEX: I promise you Frank, the twins are in excellent hands. FRANK: Ah Grand Gesture. Frank gets it. IZZIE: What's he talking about? ALEX: Nothing. IZZIE: Are you sure about this? FRANK: Oh yeah. He's sure. (Izzie takes out the tube by herself.) DEREK: Looks like we can safely evacuate the clot. Want to cook the pumper? (In the gallery, watching.) BAILEY: Did you ever think about having kids? ADDISON: Derek and I talked about it but I wasn't ready. CALLIE: I love kids. I'd have a dozen. BAILEY: Believe me, one's enough. Unless you plan to put away the scalpel. CALLIE: That's why God invented nannies. BAILEY: I wish it were that easy. ADDISON: What do I do with these? Hock them? Keep them? CALLIE: My mom says divorce wedding rings are bad juju. ADDISON: Your mom says juju? CALLIE: She does. ADDISON: Well, what would your mom do? CALLIE: Burn 'em. Bury 'em. ADDISON: Do you want them? CALLIE: Oh I want some rings, just not bad juju rings. Then again, my mom's kind of insane. BAILEY: Hey, don't talk smack about your mom. ADDISON: Miranda. BAILEY: Yesterday I left for work early, and Tuck's favorite food was strained peas. Nasty green gunk, but he loved them. Ate them for breakfast. I got home from a 15 hour shift and he didn't like strained peas anymore. He only wants carrots. ADDISON: Life moves so fast. Everybody moves on. BAILEY: Yep. (Callie gets up and leaves.) ADDISON: Where are you going? CALLIE: I'm not ready to move on. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: (to Christina) Do you know why I picked you to by my dad's intern? Because you're a robot. You're a freakin' robot in a white coat who never makes a mistake. And most days I appreciate that, most of the time, I really feel like I have something to learn from you. But right now I need you to try to be a human. [SCENE_BREAK] IZZIE: Thank you Alex. I can't believe you let me help. Alex is cool, you know that? Alex is the coolest. ALEX: Oh Alex knows it. Izzie isn't so bad herself. IZZIE: Izzie is back in the game. (Alex turns around and pulls her into a kiss.) IZZIE: I can't. Alex, I can't. I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: Can you say something for me? I need to hear how great you talk. Can you say my name? Can you say Meredith? MIA: Where's Anna? MEREDITH: That was great. Guess who's here? Mom and Dad? MRS. HANSON: Hey... how's my baby girl? MIA: I want Anna. Anna... (She gets up and leaves.) MR. HANSON: Diane, wait... [SCENE_BREAK] MR. O'MALLEY: So we'll do the thing with the heart tomorrow. GEORGE: Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in a couple days. I don't know quite yet. MR. O'MALLEY: But Dr. Burke and Dr. Webber said we should get to it quick. GEORGE: We will. We'll ge to it as quick as we can. I just want to make sure we do it right. JERRY: I just don't understand why they're operating on his heart when the cancer is in his gut. GEORGE: Yeah, it's complicated... RONNY: You know what I was thinking? Maybe the tests are wrong. Maybe it's not cancer. Cause cancer runs in families, and no one else in the family has cancer. GEORGE: It is cancer, okay? It's stage 3 metastatic oesophageal cancer. JERRY: Meta what? GEORGE: Metastatic. It's when the cancer cells have migrated from their point of origin... JERRY: Okay you're talking doctor now George. Talk English. GEORGE: I'm talking English, you're just not listening. RONNY: You're just not saying anything that we understand! MR. O'MALLEY: Boys. CALLIE: Imagine your dad's like... like a vintage car okay. GEORGE: Callie... CALLIE: His blood's like gas flowing through the fuel lines. The cancer is like the gunk that builds up in there. JERRY: It fouled up the plugs. CALLIE: Exactly. Once it starts circulating, it can do a lot of damage to the whole engine, the carborator, everything. It's like the engine had already blown a gasket before the other damage started. (Realization hits the brothers.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Anna and Mia singing the goodnight song.) MEREDITH: (narrating) When it comes to our blind spots, maybe our brains aren't compensating. Maybe they're protecting us. [SCENE_BREAK] ELLIS: I'm glad you came to visit. But you can't stay. I'm expecting someone. MEREDITH: Actually mom, he's not coming. ELLIS: What? MEREDITH: Richard, he's not coming tonight. If fact, it's just going to be me for a while. ELLIS: He's gone back to Adele. MEREDITH: Yes. ELLIS: Of course he has. He's afraid. Afraid to be happy. And I'm all alone. Now I have to raise my daughter alone. How am I going to do that? MEREDITH: Mom... you did the best you could. That's all anybody can do. [SCENE_BREAK] MR. O'MALLEY: How am I looking? CHRISTINA: Good. You're ready for surgery. MR. O'MALLEY: That's good I guess. I don't know how I'm going to tell my wife about this. 40 years we've been married. And now... cancer... and a heart condition? She was always telling me how I should eat better, take better care of myself. I guess I should have listened. CHRISTINA: George is the best. MR. O'MALLEY: What? CHRISTINA: He's the best intern. He's a good person, and a good doctor. And whatever happens, I just thougth you should know that you raised a good person. MR. O'MALLEY: Thank you Dr. Yang. [SCENE_BREAK] IZZIE: I didn't know you still felt that way about me. ALEX: Me either. IZZIE: I can't. I'm sorry. ALEX: Alex gets it. Alex is sorry he's such an idiot. IZZIE: Can Izzie buy Alex a drink? ALEX: Alex would like that. Izzie can. [SCENE_BREAK] Bailey (on the phone): I know what time it is. I don't care if he's sleeping. Wake him up. He can sleep later...wake him up. Now... no put the phone to his ear. Hey, Hey Tuck. It's mommy. Hey...(She sings to him) them that's got shall get. Them that's not shall lose. So the bible says and it still is news. Mama may have, papa may have, but God bless the child that's got his own, that's got his own. That's got his own. (Addison is on the ferry. She looks at her rings... and then throws them overboard.) (Bailey still singing.) BAILEY: Oh the strong get more, while the weak ones fade. Empty pockets dont ever make the grade... (Christina and Burke lying in bed.) CHRISTINA: George knows. BAILEY: Mama may have. Papa he may have. But God bless the child that's got his own. (Meredith and Derek taking another bubble bath, this time at opposite ends of the tub, exhausted from work.) MEREDITH: I may not be cut out for bright and shiny. DEREK: I'm not either. We can be dull and lifeless together. MEREDITH: I am glad you're in my bathtub. DEREK: Me too. BAILEY: You can help yourself. But don't take too much. Mama may have. Papa he may have. But God bless the child that's got his own. That's got his own...	Plan: A: Harold O'Malley; Q: Who is admitted to Seattle Grace Hospital? A: Callie; Q: Who does George's brothers become friendly with? A: his family; Q: Who does George not want Callie to socialize with? A: no chances; Q: How many chances of reconciliation does George give Callie? A: Meredith; Q: Who refuses to have sex with Derek? A: things; Q: What does Meredith try to take slow with Derek? A: a civilized relationship; Q: What does Derek try to have with his ex-wife? A: confront Webber; Q: What do Derek and Addison do when they believe Webber may be suffering from depression? A: Alex; Q: Who kisses Izzie after he realizes he still has feelings for her? A: Mark; Q: Who is the doctor that Alex and Izzie help treat a man after he received pectoral implants? A: advice; Q: What did Alex get from the patient that helped him kiss Izzie? A: feelings; Q: What does Alex realize he still has for Izzie that are not returned? A: Burke's condition; Q: What are George and Bailey on the verge of discovering? A: a five-year old girl; Q: Who was run over by her nanny? A: her nanny; Q: Who accidentally ran over a five-year-old girl? Summary: Harold O'Malley is admitted to Seattle Grace Hospital, and George's brothers come along and become friendly with Callie. George, however, does not want Callie to socialize with his family, so he assures her that their relationship is over, with no chances of reconciliation. Meredith tries to take things slow with Derek and refuses to have sex with him, while he tries to have a civilized relationship with his now ex-wife, Addison. Derek and Addison confront Webber when they believe he may be suffering from depression. Alex and Izzie help Mark treat a man after he received pectoral implants, and following on from advice from the patient, Alex kisses Izzie after he realizes that he still has feelings for her which are not returned. George and Bailey are on the verge of discovering Burke's condition. Meredith and Bailey treat a five-year old girl, who was accidentally run over by her nanny.
Prologue: A Sunnydale cemetery. Faith and Buffy both fall backwards onto the mound of a fresh grave, fighting a pair of leather-uniformed vampires. But this doesn't stop Faith from wanting to continue her conversation with Buffy. Faith: (to Buffy, struggling) So, what, you're telling me never?! Buffy: (also struggling) Faith! Really, now is not the time! Faith: I'm curious! Never ever?! The two Slayers both kick up with their legs and send the vampires rolling over and off of them, and then do back rolls up to a standing position. Faith: (to Buffy) Come on, really. All this time, and not even once? She blocks a high punch from her assailant, grabs onto his shoulder and flips him forward. He lands hard on his back. Buffy: How many times do I have to say it? She ducks a swing. Buffy: I have never... She does a backhand punch at her attacker. Buffy: ...done it... The vampire staggers backward into a lamppost from the force of her punch. Buffy does a full spin toward him. Buffy: ...with Xander! She jams her stake home, and the demon bursts into ashes. Buffy looks over at Faith, still fighting. Buffy: He's just a friend. Faith leaps at her assailant, does a log roll in midair and comes down hard on him with her knee digging into his back, shoving him into the ground. She raises her stake and plunges it into his back, dusting him instantly. She gets up and steps over to meet up with Buffy. Faith: So? What are friends for? I mean, I'm sorry, (smiles sexily) it's just, all this sweating-nightly, side-by-side action, and you never put in for a little after-hours (thrusts her pelvis forward and grunts)? Buffy: (raises her eyebrows) Thanks for the poetry. And, no. I love Xander. I just don't... love Xander. (looks at the ground) Besides, I think it ruins friendship to do that stuff. She takes a closer look at the boot prints on the muddy ground. Faith: You think too much. (starts to leave) Buffy: (grabs Faith's arm, looking down) Hey. There's one more. Faith: How do you know? Buffy: I think too much. The two of them start to walk, following the extra set of prints, which lead behind a gravestone. Buffy: (quietly) Okay. Count of three. One... Faith jumps ahead and shoulder-rolls over the gravestone. The vampire isn't there, but he comes running at her. He is also dressed in the leather uniform. Buffy disapprovingly watches the fight start. Buffy: Three. Faith tries to do a roundhouse kick at the vampire, but he catches her leg right before it connects with his head. He grabs her shoulder, spins halfway around and throws her against a tall gravestone. She hits the ground hard and immediately starts to get back up. Buffy runs around them to catch the demon from behind as he looks down at Faith and pulls out two swords, one with a long blade, the other short. He hears Buffy coming, though, and spins his head around to see her. She stops in her tracks, holding her stake up in her hand. The vampire swings his long sword in a wide arc and slices off the tip of the stake. Buffy jumps in surprise, but quickly drops what's left of the stake as the vampire swings his sword down on her. She high blocks the attack with her left arm, grabs his left arm with her right hand, grabs his right arm with her left hand and brings both of his arms down hard, forcing him to drop the swords. She high punches him in the head and tries to follow up with a double roundhouse kick with alternating legs. The vampire knife-hand blocks both kicks. He gains the upper hand, grabbing Buffy by the shoulders and tries to get in closer for a bite. She struggles to keep him at bay. Finally Faith runs up behind him and thrusts her stake into his back. He screams and throws up his hands, then crumbles to ashes between the two girls, leaving Faith smiling at Buffy, and Buffy leaning against a gravestone catching her breath. Faith takes a step toward her, raising her hand for a high five. Faith: Nicely diverted, B! She stops mid-step when Buffy doesn't return the gesture. Buffy: (panting) Diverted? That was me fighting for my life, Miss Attention Span. Faith: (sighs and turns to go) This isn't a Tupperware Party. It's a little hard to plan. Buffy: (follows) The count of three isn't a plan. It's Sesame Street. Faith: (stops and faces Buffy) Hey, they're toast and we're here, so it couldn't have been too bad, right? (checks her arm) Who were those guys, anyways? Buffy: I don't know. (sniffs) They didn't seem local. (looks where the swords were) Look, why don't we grab the weapons. Maybe Giles... The swords aren't there anymore. Buffy gives Faith a confused look. Cut to the Mayor's office. Mr. Trick drops the two swords on his desk. Trick: Check these out. The Mayor is busy reading the funnies, and ignores him while he finishes reading his favorite strip. Mayor Wilkins: (chuckles and shakes his head) I, I just love the Family Circus! That P.J., he's getting to be quite a handful. He drops the paper on his desk. Allan gives him an acknowledging nod and weak smile. The Mayor now looks at the swords lying on his desk. Mayor Wilkins: Well... I haven't seen anything like this in, uh... (looks up at Allan) Well, a good long while. (to Trick) Where's the owner of these fine implements? Trick: The common term is 'slain'. But I've been seeing this breed around. Are we expecting any trouble? Mayor Wilkins: (smiles up at Trick) Do you like Family Circus? Trick: (seriously) I like Marmaduke. Mayor Wilkins: (disgusted) Oh! (shivers) Eww! He's always on the furniture. Unsanitary. Trick: Nobody can tell Marmaduke what to do. (grins) That's my kinda dog. Allan: (smiling eagerly) I like to read Cathy. Mr. Trick and the Mayor both give him a look. Allan swallows nervously. Allan: So, uh, what ab-bout these swords? W-what should we do about that? Mayor Wilkins: (inspects them) Well, let's just keep an eye out. We've got the dedication coming up in a few days. We certainly can't have anything interfering with that. Allan: (fidgeting) Well, maybe we should postpone the... the-the dedication. The Mayor gives him an incredulous look. Trick looks at him intensely. Trick: I believe the Honorable Mayor hates that idea. Mayor Wilkins: (stands up) The dedication... (walks toward the liquor cabinet) is the final step before my Ascension. (Allan jumps out of his way) I have waited longer than you can imagine for this. (opens the cabinet, opens a box of moist towelettes) After the Hundred Days, (pulls out a towelette) I'll be on a higher plane. (steps back to Allan, wiping his hands) And I'll have no more need for... (folds up the used towelette) Well, let's just say I won't be concerned... with the little things. (holds it up to Allan, who takes it, and goes back to his desk.) Mr. Trick, watch these people. Anything you find out about them, well, let's just see that that information reaches the Slayers. (takes the short sword from Trick, looks it over) Who knows? With any luck, they'll kill each other. Then everyone's a winner. (looks at Allan) Everyone, of course, meaning me. (chuckles) Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School. Xander: Willow, what are these? Willow: They're early admission packets. Cut to the student lounge. Xander and Oz are sitting on one of the couches across from Willow and Buffy on the other. The table between them is piled up with college acceptance letters and application forms. Xander goes through a stack of them, reading off the university names. Xander: Harvard... Yale... Wesleyan... Some German Polytechnical Institute whose name I, uh... (tries to read it) I can't pronounce. (drops the packets, leans back) Is anyone else intimidated? (looks at Oz) 'Cause I'm just expecting thin slips of paper with the words 'No Way' written in crayon. Oz: They're typing those now. Xander: (nods) Hmm. Willow and Buffy are paging through some of the brochures. Willow: (smiling) I'm so overwhelmed! I-I got in! To actual colleges! And, a-and they're wooing me! They're pitching woo! Buffy: (smiles) The wooing stage is always fun. Willow: (sighs) But it's weird. Now, rejection I can handle 'cause of the years of training, but this... Xander: I feel your pain, Will. Like right now, I'm torn between the fast-growing fields of appliance repair and motel management. Of course, I'm still waiting to hear back from the, uh, Corndog Emporium, so... He crosses his fingers and then holds his hands together in a sarcastic gesture of prayer. Buffy gives him a giggle. Buffy: Well, I think it's great. Early admission. (to Willow) Now there's nothing standing between you and a brilliant future. Oz: Well, if I may suggest, graduate. Gettin' left back: not the thrill ride you'd expect. Cordelia approaches from behind the boys. Cordelia: That's so cute! Planning life as a loser? (Xander glances up at her) Most people just turn out that way, but you're really taking charge. Xander: The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase, everyone. (looks up at her) Who, uh, incidentally, won't be needing a higher education when she markets her own very successful line of hooker wear. He checks out her outfit, which is typically revealing. Cordelia: Well, Xander, I could dress more like you, but, (in mock sympathy) oh, my father has a job. She immediately leaves. Xander watches her go, once again having nothing to say. Xander: I'm not gonna waste the perfect comeback on you now. (points at her) But don't think I don't have it. (miffed) Oh, yes! Its time will come! He turns back to the group and pretends Cordelia doesn't exist. Xander: So, life beyond high school. (fishes for sympathy) Anyone, please... chime in. Buffy: I hear it's nice. And a place I'll never go if I don't pass Mrs. Taggart's chemistry test tomorrow. (looks at Willow) Willow: Oh! I can help. Chemistry's easy. It's a lot like witchcraft, only less newt. So whadaya say? Study jam, my house, tonight? Buffy: I'm there. The bell rings, and they all get ready to go to class. Buffy: Oh. I have to go see Giles, report on last night's patrol. Willow: Oh, yeah. He said he wanted to talk to you. Buffy: What about? Is he okay? Willow: (slightly concerned) He's looked better. Cut to the library. Giles is sitting on the study table facing the doors with his arms crossed and looking very bored while a somewhat foppish, well tailored young man goes through some books in a box on the table. Wesley: Of course, training procedures have been updated quite a bit since your day. Much greater emphasis on field work. Giles: (very bored) Really? Wesley: Oh, yes. (walks around to another box) Not all books and theory nowadays. (reaches in for some books) I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself. Under controlled circumstances, of course. Giles: (uncrosses his arms) Well, no danger of finding those here. Wesley: (looks up) Vampires? Giles: Controlled circumstances. (sees Buffy enter) Hello, Buffy. Wesley overhears, looks at her and smiles condescendingly. Wesley: Well... (steps to the head of the table) Hello. (smiles smugly) Buffy gives him a quick look up and down. Buffy: (to Giles) New Watcher? Giles: New Watcher. Wesley takes a step toward her and holds out his hand in greeting. Wesley: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. Buffy makes no move to return the gesture, but continues to eye him critically. A moment later he steps back again. Wesley: It's very nice to meet you. Buffy steps over to Giles, never removing her eyes from Wesley. Buffy: Is he evil? Wesley: (perplexed) Evil? Buffy: The last one was evil. Wesley: (thoughtfully) Oh, yes. Gwendolyn Post. We all heard. No. Mr. Giles has checked my credentials rather thoroughly and phoned the Council, but I'm glad to see you're on the ball as well. (takes a secretive step toward her) A good Slayer is a cautious Slayer. (steps back) Buffy: (to Giles) Is he evil? Giles: Not in the strictest sense. Wesley: Well, I'm glad that's cleared up. (walks around the table) As I'm sure none of us is anxious to waste any time on pleasantries, (picks up his Watcher diary) why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol. (flips to a blank page) Buffy: Vampires. Wesley: (inquiringly) Yes? Buffy: Killed 'em. Wesley: (fishing for details) Anything else you can tell me? Buffy glances at Giles. He nods that she should cooperate. Buffy: Uh... (thinks) One of them had swords. I don't think he was with the other two. Wesley: (something clicks) Swords? He sets down his diary, goes back to his box of books and begins to rifle through them. Wesley: Swords... He finds the book he wants and begins to leaf through it. Wesley: One long, one short? Buffy: Mmm. Both pointy. (to Giles) With, like, jewels and things. Giles: Sounds familiar. Wesley: (comes back with the book) It should. He holds it out in front of Giles, who takes it and reads. Giles: El Eliminati. Fifteenth Century... Wesley: (interrupts) Fifteenth Century duelist cult, deadly in their day. Their numbers dwindled in later centuries due to an increase in anti-vampire activity and a lot of pointless dueling. Buffy and Giles both look up at him, surprised by his rudeness. Wesley: They eventually became the acolytes of a demon called Balthazar, who brought them to the New World, specifically here. Giles: (closes the book, hands it back) You seem to know a lot about them. Wesley: I didn't get this job because of my looks. (goes back to his box) Buffy: I really, really believe that. (nods) Wesley: (looks at her snidely) I've researched this town's history extensively. Giles: So why have we not seen them before this? Wesley: (comes back) They were driven out a hundred years ago. Happily, Balthazar was killed. I don't know by whom. Buffy: And they're back 'cause...? Wesley: Balthazar had an amulet purported to give him strength. When he was killed, it was taken by a wealthy landowner named... (sees their looks) I don't want to bore you with the details. Buffy: A little bit late. Wesley: ...named Gleaves. It was buried with him, and I believe the few remaining Eliminati are probably looking for it. For sentimental value. Giles: A-and you don't think that this, uh, amulet poses any threat? Wesley: (steps back to his box) Oh, no, not at all. Nonetheless, we may as well keep it from them. Buffy, you will go to the Gleaves family crypt tonight and fetch the amulet. (reaches in) Buffy: I will? Wesley: (pauses) Are you not used to being given orders? Buffy: Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says 'please'. And afterwards I get a cookie. She grins at Giles, who smiles back modestly. Wesley: (comes back) I don't feel we're getting off on quite the right foot. Just then they hear footsteps, and look up to see Faith walk in. Wesley: Ah. This is perhaps Faith. Faith stops and critically looks Wesley up and down. Faith: New Watcher? Buffy and Giles: New Watcher. Faith: (snickers) Screw that. She turns right around and walks out. Wesley feels put off. Buffy: (to Giles) Now, why didn't I just say that? Giles: (gently) Uh, Buffy, would you... Buffy: I'll see if I can get her back. (slips off of the table and walks out) Don't say anything terribly interesting while I'm gone. Wesley watches her go. He and Giles both reach into their pockets for handkerchiefs, take off their glasses and begin to clean them. Wesley: They'll get used to me. Giles notices their tandem actions, immediately stops cleaning and puts his glasses back on before Wesley has a chance to turn around. When he does, Giles just smiles up at him, covering his handkerchief with his hands. Cut to the quad. Buffy catches up with Faith as they come walking around a corner. Buffy: Faith, wait. Look, I know this new guy's a dork, but... (pauses) Well, I have nothing to follow that. He's pretty much just a dork. Faith: You're actually gonna take orders from him? Buffy: That's the job. What else can we do? Faith: Whatever we want. We're Slayers, girlfriend, the Chosen Two. Why should we let him take all the fun out of it? Buffy: Oh, that would be tragic, taking the fun out of slaying, stabbing, beheading. Faith: Oh, like you don't dig it. Buffy: (shrugs) I don't. Faith: You're a liar. I've seen you. Tell me staking a vamp doesn't get you a little bit juiced. Come on, say it. She stops and folds her arms, waiting for Buffy's answer. Buffy can't help but smile, and looks down to hide it. Faith: (laughs) You can't fool me. The look in your eyes right after a kill? You just get hungry for more. Buffy: (shakes her head) You're way off base. Faith: Tell me that if you don't get in a good slaying, after a while, you just start itching for some vamp to show up so you can give him a good (grunts and punches)! Buffy: Again with the grunting. You realize I'm not comfortable with this. Faith: Hey, slaying's what we were built for. If you're not enjoying it, you're doing something wrong. (starts to leave) Buffy: (sighs) What about the assignment? Faith: (looks back) Tell you what: (points) you do the homework, and I'll copy yours. (grins and goes) Cut to the Gleaves Family Crypt that night. Buffy slowly walks up to it and turns on her Maglite. She steps up to the door and opens it. Cut inside. The large room is dark and dusty. In the center are two stone coffins. There are several drawers on one wall and a few urns on shelves. Buffy takes the steps down into the room and goes to the first coffin. She pushes the heavy lid aside and looks into it with the flashlight. All that's left of the body is the skeleton and a pile of hair and fibers. Buffy: Strike one. No amulet there. She goes to the next coffin and pushes its lid aside. The body in this one has dried out and looks mummified. The clothes are still more or less intact, and around its neck hangs the amulet. Buffy: Game over. She reaches in for it, but jerks back up when she hears noises coming from outside. Through the door she sees torches coming closer and hears voices. She quickly jumps up onto the first coffin, rolls into it and twists off her Maglite just as Vincent, the leader of the Eliminati, pushes the door open. He looks around, but doesn't notice when Buffy pulls the lid of the coffin back into place. Vincent walks down the stairs and goes over to the open coffin. His troops follow him. Inside her coffin, Buffy looks over at the skull beside her, but remains quiet. Vincent looks into the open coffin, sees the amulet and yanks it from the body's neck. He takes a good look at it and smiles at his troops, indicating success for their mission. In the other coffin Buffy remains absolutely still. The Eliminati start to make their way out. When Buffy hears the door close she pushes the lid back open and climbs out, only to be startled by Faith's hand on her shoulder. Buffy: Faith! Faith: What are you doing, hiding in there? Buffy: Looking for the amulet. Wasn't counting on the Special Guest Stars. Six against one. (gestures at the coffin) Hence the hiding. Faith: Well, it's six against two now, so come on. She rushes out of the crypt. Buffy climbs out of the coffin and follows her out. Cut outside. They come out in time to see the last two Eliminati jump down through a manhole into the sewers below. Faith makes tracks for it. Buffy: Wait. Stop. Think! Faith: (stops, defiantly) No, no, no! (starts again) Buffy: (chases her) It's a manhole. Tight space, no escape, six against two, not unlike three against one. Faith: And there might be more, (grabs Buffy's arm) so come on. (lets go) Buffy: You're just gonna go down there. That's your plan. Faith: Who said I had a plan? I don't know how many's down there, but I wanna find out. And I'll know when I land. If you don't come in after me, (shrugs and smiles) I might die! Without any further hesitation she jumps in. Buffy can't believe it, but realizes she can't let her do it alone, and jumps in after her. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Wesley is at the study table going through a mass of books. Giles paces nervously. Wesley: These are all the diaries, then? Yours included? Giles: (in a worried tone) That's everything. Knock yourself out. Please? Wesley: (flips through Giles' diary) Oh, yes! Here's your first entry. 'Slayer is willful and insolent.' (smirks) That would be our girl, wouldn't it? Giles: (continues pacing, takes off his glasses) Well, you have to get to know her. Wesley: Mm. (reads) 'Her abuse of the English language is such that I understand only every other sentence.' (looks up) Oh, this is going to make fascinating reading. Giles: (checks his watch) She should be back by now. Wesley: (checks his watch) Not to fret. (reaches for a mint) My mission scenario has her back in one minute. (pops the mint) Shouldn't be any trouble. Cut to the sewers. Buffy and Faith have their hands full fighting the Eliminati. Buffy does a low front snap kick to one of them on the ground. Faith backhand punches another, and his head snaps hard to the side. Buffy grabs yet another and shoves him aside. Buffy: We're surrounded! Faith: You noticed that, too?! Faith backhand punches another Eliminatus. Buffy ducks a vampire's swing and does a roundhouse kick to the back of his knee, making him collapse to the floor. Faith sidesteps her attacker, grabs his arm, swings him around and throws him toward a wall. Buffy does a full spinning hook kick to an incoming vampire and follows up with a roundhouse kick to his head. Another one comes at her from the side and tries to bring his sword down on her from above, but she steps back in time, and it just clangs on the floor. Faith throws her vampire up against a wall, and he collapses to the floor. She does a half-spinning hook kick to another Eliminatus behind her, and he falls dazed onto a raised area. Another vampire jumps up onto it and leaps at Faith. She sidesteps him and pulls him down over the other one. Buffy does a back elbow jab at a vampire's face, causing him to step backwards and trip over a fallen vampire. Another one jumps into the fray and tries to punch her, but she middle blocks him, grabs onto his arm and throws him up against the rock wall. He tries to come at her again, but she side kicks him soundly in the gut, forcing him back up against the wall. The Eliminatus who was down is up again, and she front snap kicks him, knocking him hard onto his back. Faith turns around just in time to get punched in the face by Vincent. He tries to punch her again, but she ducks it and rises back up to roundhouse kick him in the side of the head. Buffy blocks two punches from the vampire against the wall and punches him in the face and again in the gut. He goes down. Faith does a half spinning, jumping out-to-in crescent kick to the head of one of them. Then she high blocks a punch from one behind her. Buffy gets a roundhouse kick in the head and falls to the ground by a pool of water. Her attacker advances on her, and she roundhouse kicks him in the back of the knee, making him lose his balance. Faith punches one in the head, but he comes back with a punch to Faith's gut and grabs her. Faith: Lemme go! He shoves her hard against a concrete wall. Buffy sees her predicament and throws her stake into the vampire's back as she gets up from the floor. He bursts into ashes. Faith gives Buffy a smile. However, with her attention on Faith, Buffy doesn't notice the one behind her, and he grabs her and holds her still for Vincent. He holds out his long sword, pointing it at her chest. Vincent: Let's settle this honorably. Buffy jumps up against the one holding her and does an out-to-in low crescent kick, knocking the sword out of Vincent's hand. It goes flying into the pool of water. Then she shrugs off the one holding her, and he falls to the floor. Vincent grabs hold of her, though, and tries to thrust at her with his short sword. She jerks out of the way in time and grabs hold of his arm, but he uses this to his advantage and grabs her around the back with his other arm, pinning her against the edge of the pool. Vincent: Well, then, let's just settle it. He dunks her head into the water. She struggles to get back up, but can't get a good grip on anything in the filthy water. In the meantime, another vampire gets Faith in a full Nelson hold. She sees Buffy struggling in the water. Faith: Buffy! (struggles with her assailant) You son of a bitch! Vincent keeps holding Buffy's head under water. She struggles valiantly to get up, but just can't. It isn't much longer before she starts to get weak from lack of oxygen and stops struggling, apparently passing out. Vincent holds her under for another few seconds, then lets go and turns his attention to Faith. Buffy remains motionless in the water. Vincent grins widely at Faith, who keeps struggling, but to no avail. Suddenly Buffy leaps up, Vincent's long sword in hand, and swings it around at his head. He's too quick, though, and ducks it, but is left off balance in a crouch. Buffy: I hate it when they drown me. She swings at him again, but he reacts instantly, somersaulting out of the way and back to his feet. He faces her wielding his short sword. She makes quick work of it, knocking it out of his hand with her first swing. She swings at him again widely, but he manages to dodge her. Faith breaks out of the Nelson hold, spins around and punches the vampire in the face. He staggers against the wall. She grabs him and pulls him around, and he flies up and over the small raised area. Faith: B! Gotta go! Buffy misses another swing, but has a determined look on her face. Buffy: We came for the amulet. She jabs the sword straight at Vincent, getting the tip right between the chain holding the amulet at his waist. She lifts the sword, drawing the chain out from under his belt, and it slides down the length of the blade to the hilt. Vincent is freaked by her accuracy and hightails it out of there. Buffy pulls the amulet from the sword and holds it in her hand. Faith comes up next to her. Faith: (breathing heavily) Tell me you don't get off on this! Buffy: (smiles at the amulet) It didn't suck. Cut to the library. Wesley has the amulet in hand and inspects it under a magnifying glass. Giles stands in his office doorway. Wesley: Well... Looks authentic enough. (looks up) Of course, there are tests to be made before actual verification. Buffy: How about verifying that your 'nearly extinct' cult was out in magnum force last night? Faith and I got into a serious party situation. Giles: Are you alright? Buffy: I had to lather, rinse, and repeat about five million times to get the sewer out of my hair, but otherwise, I'm of the good. Thank you for asking. She gives Wesley a look, making it very clear he should have asked as well. Wesley: Perhaps there were a few more than we'd anticipated, but I'd expect you to be ready for anything. (looks her in the eye) Remember the three key words for any Slayer: preparation... preparation... preparation. Buffy: That's one word three times. The school bell rings. Buffy gets up. Buffy: I have a chem test. So sad that I'm actually happy about that. (starts out) Giles, we need to talk. Wesley: (stands up pompously) Buffy... (she stops, but doesn't face him) I must ask you to remember that I am your Watcher. (she faces him) From now on, anything you have to say about slaying you will say to me. The only thing you need discuss with Mr. Giles is overdue book fees. Understood? Buffy: (turns to Giles) We'll talk. Giles: Of course. Buffy leaves for her test. Wesley: (to Giles) You're not helping. Giles: (dripping with sarcasm) No. I feel just sick about it. He takes off his glasses and goes into his office. Wesley is incensed. Cut to chemistry class. Mrs. Taggart passes out the exam booklets. Buffy is at the second to last table by the windows. She is twisted around in her seat, talking quietly to Willow and Xander, who are sitting at the last table. Buffy: It was intense. It was like I just... let go and became this force. I just didn't care anymore. Willow: Yeah, I know what that's like. Buffy: I don't think you can! It's kind of a Slayer thing. I don't even think I'm explaining it well. Xander: You're explaining it a lot, though. Mrs. Taggart hands Xander and Willow their tests. Buffy turns around. Mrs. Taggart: Alright. You have one period to fill out your test booklets. Periodic charts are located on the back. (walks toward the front) You're on the honor system, so remember, no talking. Buffy turns back to Willow and Xander. Buffy: You see, the thing was, Faith knew I didn't even wanna go down there... Mrs. Taggart: (interrupts) Ahem. Ms. Summers? Buffy faces the front and gestures that she's buttoning her lips now. Mrs. Taggart: (to the class) You have one hour. She gives Buffy another look and then leaves the room. Buffy immediately turns back to Willow and Xander. Buffy: Okay, so the best part... Willow: (interrupts, concerned) Buffy. Test? You know. Remember? The thing you didn't come over to study for? Buffy: (seems to get it) Right. Got it. She turns back to her test, but can't resist, and turns around again. Buffy: (smiles) Sorry. Okay, so we're down there, in the sewers, and Faith (Xander's eye twitches) got three of them on her at once... Xander: Hey! Whoa! Can we resume Buffy's 'Ode to Faith' later, like when I'm not actively multiple-choicing? Buffy: (realizes) How come your eye twitches every time I say Faith's name? Xander: (twitches his eye) (defensively) What? (chuckles) No, it doesn't. Buffy leans in closer to him, her eyes intently watching his face. Buffy: Faith. His eye twitches, and he slaps his hand over it. Xander: Cut it out! We got a test to take, okay? And I'm highly caffeinated, and I'm trying to concentrate. Some of us actually care about school. You know. Buffy looks to Willow, but she's concentrating on her test. Buffy finally realizes that she's not going to be allowed to continue her story, and settles down to take her test. She opens the booklet, but is interrupted, along with the rest of the class, by Faith rapping on the window pane trying to get Buffy's attention. Faith lifts the sash and leans in. Faith: (smiles) Hey, girlfriend. (looks around) Bad time? She leans over to the next window, wipes the dust from it with her sleeve, exhales to fog it and uses her index fingers to draw a heart with a stake through it. She looks at Buffy, smiles and bounces her eyebrows. Buffy considers for only a moment before deciding to blow off the test. She slides down from her lab stool and heads for the window. Willow and Xander are shocked. Willow: No, sh-she can't! Faith smiles and leans back in to wait for her partner. Willow: Y-you can't! Can you? Buffy ignores her and climbs out of the window. Faith lowers the sash after Buffy has climbed out. Willow can't believe what just happened. Cut outside. The Slayers walk away from the building. Buffy: What's up? Faith: Vampires. Buffy: Uh, Faith, unless there's a total eclipse in the next five minutes, it's daylight. Faith: Good for us, bad for them. Found a nest. Buffy: (smiles, suddenly comprehending) Has potential. Cut to the vampire nest. It's gloomy. Only a few rays of sunlight are getting in. There are vampires lying all over the floor waiting out the day. Buffy and Faith kick in the door. Bright sunlight washes in and onto one of them, who quickly bursts into flames. The lot of them scramble to their feet and begin to run. The Slayers smile into the nest. Faith: Rise and shine, people. Buffy: It's your wake-up call. They both pull out stakes and run in for a good fight. Cut to the Bronze that evening. Faith and Buffy are on the dance floor gyrating to the hard techno sound of "Chinese Burn", performed by Curve. Three boys come over to them and dance around them. The camera shows a brief view from above of the two girls surrounded by the boys. They pretty much ignore the guys and just hump the air around them. Angel walks under the stairs to the edge of the dance floor and stops to watch, a look of deep concern on his face. The camera shows another brief shot of them from above. Eventually Buffy notices Angel standing at the side. When he sees her notice he makes a move to go. Buffy squeezes out from the crowd to go to him. Faith doesn't miss a beat and starts to paw at the boys, keeping them well entertained. Lyrics: She burns friends like a piece of wood When Buffy reaches Angel she jumps up on him and wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips. Angel supports her at the waist. Buffy: Hey! You're not leaving, are you? Lyrics: And she's jealous of me because she never could Angel: (glances over at Faith and the boys) I saw you making friends. Buffy: (glances dismissingly) Them? Lyrics: Hold herself up without a spine Buffy: (faces him, smiling) Boys! I like you. Lyrics: And she'll look me up when she's doing fine Angel reacts in his usual somber way. Buffy hops down off of him. Buffy: (coyly teasing) What's the matter? You're not afraid of little me, are ya? Angel: (seriously) We better sit down. Come on. He leads her away to a small alcove behind the stairs. Buffy: I can sense this is a business trip. Angel sits. Buffy plops down next to him. Buffy: (flippantly) What's the what? Angel: Balthazar. Buffy: (snuggles close to him) Dead demon. Angel: Not as dead as you think. He gets up and sits across from her, putting some distance between them. Angel: Word on the street puts him in the packing warehouse on Devereau. He's looking for... Buffy: His amulet. It's supposed to restore his strength. Angel: From what I'm hearing, that's not something we'd like to see happen. Buffy: No problem. We got the amulet. Angel: I know. I spoke to Giles, but he said you gave it to someone. Wesley pokes his head around the stairs and finds them. Wesley: (points accusingly) Ah. There you are. Buffy: (mockingly) Ah. Speak of the really annoying person. Wesley: (looks around) You're certainly giving me a run for my money. (sits next to her, whispers) I think we ought to establish that if you're going to go out slaying, you leave me a number where I can contact you. Angel: Where's the amulet? Wesley snaps his head around and looks at Angel in surprise. Wesley: Who are you? Angel: A friend. Do you have it? Wesley: (smugly) It's somewhere safe. Buffy looks at his jacket, reaches in and pulls out the amulet. Wesley: How did you know? Buffy: It pooches your jacket. She tosses it to Angel. Wesley: (protests) Now, hang on a minute... Angel: (holds it up) Walking around with this thing is like wearing a target. Buffy: You're gonna put it somewhere safe (to Wesley) that's actually safe? Angel: (stands up) Yeah. I'll do it now. Buffy: (stands also) I'll do some recon on Balthazar. Wesley: (joins them in standing) (incredulously) If I may... Balthazar is dead. Am I the only one that remembers that? They ignore him. Angel leans over and gives Buffy a kiss. Angel: Be careful. Buffy: You know me. Angel: (sternly) I mean it. They both go in opposite directions, leaving Wesley behind and very confused. Wesley: What's going on? Buffy walks onto the dance floor and grabs Faith. She pulls her out of the crowd and toward the door. Faith lets herself be led away, but points back at the boys. Faith: Call me! The guys are bummed to see her go. Cut to the packing warehouse. Balthazar: Let me tell you what I see. Cut inside. Balthazar is enormously obese with very pale, pasty, slimy skin. He sits suspended in a tank of filthy water, while one of the Eliminati pours ladle after ladle of it over him in an effort to keep his skin moist. Balthazar: I see fear... and remorse... and the pitiful look of faces that cry out for mercy! But what I don't see is what I want to see, AND THAT'S... MY... AMULET! Vampire: Lord Balthazar, we found it! We had it! But the Slayers... Balthazar: Already I'm bored. He holds out his hands, and the air between him and the vampires is suddenly disturbed. The vampire floats involuntarily over to Balthazar, who grabs his throat and squeezes until his neck breaks and he slumps lifelessly to the floor. Vincent watches, extremely worried that he may be next. Balthazar: Vincent... Come here. He wheezes hard as Vincent slowly approaches. Balthazar: Closer. Vincent leans toward him. Balthazar: Closer. Vincent leans close enough to be spat upon. Balthazar puts his hands on Vincent's shoulders. Balthazar: Let me tell you... what I want to see. Cut outside. Faith and Buffy look for the packing warehouse and find it. They look in through a crack in the door and see Balthazar surrounded by the Eliminati. Buffy: Okay, we got ten, maybe twelve bad guys and one big demon in desperate need of a Stairmaster. Faith: I say we take 'em all, hard and fast and now. Buffy: We need a little more firepower than none. We should head back to the library. Faith: Well, I guess Jacuzzi Boy isn't going anywhere. (looks around) I just... wish we had... Across the street at the end of the alley she sees Meyer's Sport and Tackle shop. She points Buffy in that direction. Faith: Ah. That is too good. They head for the store. Cut to the store. Faith kicks in the front door. Cut inside. They walk through quickly. looking for anything useful to them. Faith finds the Archery counter. Faith: Ah. Score. She spies a small crossbow, complete with 4x optical sights, on display beneath the glass countertop. She breaks the glass with her elbow, reaches in and pulls it out. Buffy: Think they're insured? Faith: Strangely, not my priority. (checks the trigger mechanism) When are ya gonna get this, B? Life for a Slayer is very simple: (walks to a vertical case) want... (breaks it) take... (reaches in for a set of nun- chucks) have. (stuffs them into her pants) Buffy seems a bit unsure, but changes her mind when she spies a case of hunting knives. Buffy: Want... (walks to the case) take... (stops in front of it) have. She punches the glass with her fist, and it breaks, disturbing a dagger, which she catches as it falls. She pulls her hand out and turns the blade over in her hand, smiling. Buffy: I'm gettin' it. Faith smiles, too, seeing that Buffy is finally coming around to her way of thinking. She turns around and sees a compound hunting bow under the glass of another display case, and kicks it in. Buffy just gives her a brief glance. Faith pulls the bow out and looks it over, then smiles at her partner in slayage. But before they can get any further, they are surprised by a gunshot. They spin around to see they've been caught by two police officers. They both have their service revolvers aimed at them. Officer: Drop the weapons and get down on the ground! Now! [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Inside Meyer's Sport and Tackle. The police officer takes a step closer, eyeing the two girls. Officer: I said drop the weapons, or I fire. Buffy slowly reaches her hand out and sets the dagger on a counter. The officer is satisfied, and turns his attention to Faith. She gives in, but isn't as gentle with the hunting bow as Buffy was with the knife, simply extending her arm and tossing it aside. The two officers visibly relax a bit, but keep their guns up and ready. Officer: Now spread 'em. Faith: (haughtily) You wish. Buffy's eyes go wide with concern for what Faith might do. The officers tense up again. Officer: Hands in the air where I can see 'em. Slow! Faith smiles at him, but does as she's told and raises her arms over her head. Buffy raises hers as well, but just level to her shoulders. Officer: Good. (to his partner) Now cuff 'em. His partner holsters his gun and reaches into his belt for his cuffs. Faith checks out the one still holding the gun. Faith: (to Buffy, smiling sexily) I like him. He's butch. Cut inside the police car. Buffy and Faith are in the back seat with their hands cuffed behind their backs. A heavy steel mesh separates them from the officers in the front seat. Officer: That's some artillery you two were puttin' together. You with one of them girl gangs? Faith: (sarcastically) Yeah. We're the Slayers. The officer laughs. Faith doesn't think it's funny. Faith: (quietly to Buffy) You wanna get outta here? She slouches down in the seat. Buffy realizes what she intends, and isn't at all sure it's a good idea. Faith: (impatiently) We can't save the world in jail. Buffy sees the truth in that, and slowly slouches down also. Faith raises her legs, and Buffy follows her lead. Faith: (quietly) One, two... They both push-kick hard into the steel mesh, making it buckle and tear at the edges and hit the officers in the backs of their heads. The driver loses control of the car, and it swerves screechingly to the left and smashes into a parked car. The damage isn't terribly serious, but the police car's radiator has burst, and the steam rises thickly, obscuring the view. Both officers are unconscious. Buffy climbs out of the front passenger-side door. A moment later Faith comes out as well with one of the officer's keys. They turn back-to-back and fumble with the keys, trying to unlock the cuffs. Buffy: (looking at the officers) We should call an ambulance. Faith: Five people already have, the racket we made, and they're fine. She's right. One of them is already regaining consciousness. She gets the cuffs unlocked. Faith: Come on. Let's get outta here. She starts to run, but looks back when Buffy doesn't immediately follow. Faith: COME ON! Buffy sees the other officer start to come to as well. She looks around quickly a last time and runs after Faith. Cut to Buffy's house the next morning. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy enters through the back door, bringing the paper in with her. She is engrossed in an article, perhaps about the break-in and police car accident. Joyce walks in from the dining room. Joyce: Admit it. Buffy looks up surprised. Her mother leans on the island. Joyce: Some days don't you wanna just wake up and say to Hell with the diet? Wanna make waffles? Big Saturday brunch? Buffy: No, thanks. I'm not really that hungry. (turns the page) Joyce sighs and goes to the dish cabinet. Joyce: So, what did you and Faith do last night? Buffy: Nothing. Uh... (smiles thinly) Nothing really important. Joyce: (gets a coffee mug) Don't worry. (grabs the coffee pot) I'm not gonna meddle in your slaying. (pours a cup) Just as long as you're careful. Buffy: (engrossed in reading) I am. Joyce sees how she's concentrating and steps over to the island. Joyce: You sure about those waffles? Buffy looks up and closes the paper. Buffy: Yeah. But if you want them, I can help you make them. Joyce: No. (sighs) They only don't have calories if I make them for you. (Buffy doesn't get it) Mom logic. You, uh, done with the paper? Buffy: (gets up) Yeah. (leaves the kitchen) Joyce: (opens the paper) Let's see what's happening in Sunnydale. Cut to the Mayor's office. He poses with a troop of young Boy Scouts. They all have huge smiles on their faces. The photographer snaps the picture. Mayor Wilkins: There we go. The Scouts all file out of the office. Mayor Wilkins: Thanks a lot, fellas. Thanks a heap. He goes to the window, where the blinds are open, letting in plenty of light. Mayor Wilkins: Hey, have fun on that camping trip, now. Don't forget to roast a wiener for me. Allan shoos the last of the Scouts out and closes the door securely. The Mayor chuckles as he closes the blinds, then walks to the other window and closes them there, too. Mayor Wilkins: Here we go. Alright, you can come out now. The door to his private bathroom opens, and Mr. Trick comes back into the office. Mayor Wilkins: (shakes his finger at the office door, smiling) Backbone of America, those little guys. Seeing the hope and courage on their bright little faces, I swear I could just, I... I could just eat 'em up. (chuckles, heads for his liquor cabinet) So, any news about the Eliminati? He opens the cabinet, and out jumps Vincent. He grabs him by the neck, pushes him back and down over his desk and holds up his sword to attack. Vincent: In the name of Lord Balthazar, DIE! Before he can do anything else, Mr. Trick punches him in the forehead. Vincent falls backward onto the floor, unconscious. The Mayor coughs as he sits up on the edge of the desk and straightens his tie. Mayor Wilkins: Thank you, Mr. Trick. That was very thoughtful of you. Trick: Why do they always gotta be using swords? (picks it up, tosses it to Allan) It's called an Uzi, ya chump! Could have saved your ass right about now. Allan would rather not have the sword, and looks down at Vincent aghast. Mayor Wilkins: (to Allan, arms crossed) You know, it's curious how he could've gotten all the way into my liquor cabinet. (Allan looks up at him) Allan, don't we have, don't we have security working in this building? Allan: (scared and nervous) Sir, I... I had no idea. I-I... Mayor Wilkins: There's no need to swoon, Allan. But try to keep things secure. (looks down at Vincent) Lock him up. (goes to his chair) Trick: He wakes up, he's just gonna try and kill you again. Mayor Wilkins: (sits) (smugly) Yes. Yes, I expect he will. Cut to the packing warehouse. One of the Eliminati lifts the ladle and pours the water over Balthazar. The camera shifts focus onto the new leader of the Eliminati. Balthazar: Vincent made a noble effort. Man to man, as befits a true warrior. (wheezes) He had courage... He had honor... AND I HAVE JACK TO SHOW FOR IT! (calms a bit) It's been a hundred years since my enemy crippled me. Now ultimate power is within his grasp. And I shall not let it be! Forget about honor! Forget about everything! But getting my amulet! Bring the Watchers to me! Find the Slayers and kill them! Kill everything that gets in your way! GOOOOO! GOOOOO! Cut to Buffy's house. Buffy: Mmm. Willow: You like it? Cut to Buffy's room. She and Willow are sitting on her bed. Buffy is sniffing a small black felt pouch that Willow gave to her. Buffy: It smells good. What is it? Willow: (smiling proudly) Just a little something we witches like to call a protection spell. Buffy: Good deal, protection. (sniffs) I'm surprised, though, 'cause usually spell stuff's more... Willow: Stinky. Yeah. That's why I added lavender. Give me time, and I may be the first wicca to do all my conjuring in pine fresh scent. So what's the plan? Buffy gives her an inquiring look. Willow: For tonight's slayage. We're going, aren't we? Buffy: (wanting to avoid the subject) Yeah. Willow: (knowing there's more) Great! Buffy: (realizes she can't hide it) But... there's a 'but'. And that's 'but you shouldn't come... tonight.' Is that cool? Willow: (slightly hurt) Well, sure. Makes sense. You know... You'll be facing big, hairy danger. Buffy: (tries to justify it) Uh, b-biggest and very hairy. Willow: (fishes for more information) You'll be risking your life. Buffy: Right. And why risk yours? Willow: (glances down, then back up) Because I'm your friend? Buffy: I know, Will, and that's exactly why I don't want you going. It's, it's too dangerous. Willow: (protests) But I-I've done this sort of thing before! Like, a million times, and I can totally handle myself. Besides, (holds up her own felt pouch) minty fresh protection. So? There's a knock at the door. Faith opens it and comes in. Faith: Ready? Time to motor. Hey, Willow. Willow: (unenthused) Hi. (faces Buffy) Uh... Faith paces back toward the door. Buffy: (stands up, apologetic) I really should... But we'll hang out later, right? Willow: (trying to hide how hurt she is) Yeah. You, you go ahead. I'll just get my stuff. Buffy wants to say something, but changes her mind and just looks at her friend, giving her felt pouch a squeeze, and follows Faith out of the room. Willow watches her go, then looks down at her own pouch. Willow: Stupid... She throws the pouch down on the bed. Cut to an alley near the packing warehouse. Buffy and Faith come walking around a corner. Faith has the compound hunting bow with her, and gets an arrow ready. Faith: You're quiet tonight. Buffy: I just wanna get this done. Faith: Yeah. (smiling) I'm dying to test out the longbow. I think it might be my new thing. Buffy: I can't believe you went back for that stuff. Faith: Hey, how do you feel about getting some ribs? You know, after we're done? They are surprised by an Eliminatus doing a front tuck from above and landing in their way. Cut to Giles' office. Wesley checks out some of the pictures on the wall while Giles sits at his desk fidgeting with his glasses. Wesley: I didn't say you had emotional problems. (turns to Giles) I said you had an emotional problem. (condescendingly) It's quite different. Giles: (enunciating clearly) My 'attachment' to the Slayer is not a problem. In point of fact, it's been a very... Wesley: (interrupts) The way you've handled this assignment is something of an embarrassment to the council. Giles: (miffed) If you want to criticize my methods, fine. But you can keep your snide remarks to yourself. And while you're at it, don't criticize my methods. (puts on his glasses) Wesley: The fact is, you're no longer qualified to act as Watcher. (paces behind Giles, condescendingly) It's not your fault. You've done well. It's simply time for somebody else to take the field. (turns around) Giles looks at him, then past him through the window to the main area. Giles: Now's a good time to start. Wesley turns to look as well, and there they see four Eliminati come to take them to Balthazar. Cut to the alley. The vampire roars and comes at Buffy. She sidesteps him, grabs him and shoves him into the back of a truck. He comes at her again and does a front snap kick at Buffy, which she blocks. She returns with a roundhouse kick to his gut, knocking him to the pavement. Buffy jumps on him, and they begin to struggle. Another vampire joins in as Faith struggles with her bow, but they are in too close of quarters for her to use it against him. Faith: (to herself) Screw it! She drops the bow, but holds on to the arrow. She ducks a roundhouse kick from the demon, and the momentum of the kick without a hit makes him keep spinning before he lands. Faith does a side-kick to his side, and he staggers into the side of a truck. Faith comes at him with her arrow and plunges it home as he turns around to attack again. He bursts into ashes. Buffy gets up holding her stake, having just dusted hers as well. Faith: I think we've got more comin'! They start quickly in the direction of the packing warehouse. Buffy: We're never gonna make it to the warehouse. Faith: If they keep coming one at a time, we got a shot. Suddenly another Eliminatus lands in front of them and thrusts at Faith with his short sword. She reacts instantly, catching his arm and shoving him into a crate, then pulling him off and swinging him backward onto a pile of several chords of wood. Buffy steps right in and stakes him. He crumbles to ash. The two Slayers continue along the alley at a brisk pace. At the end of the building an arm reaches out and grabs Buffy by the shoulder. Instantly she grabs the man and throws him against a dumpster. Faith jumps right in to stake him. He slumps down to the ground, hurt by the impact against the heavy steel container. It's Allan, but Faith is too caught up in things and doesn't realize he's human. Buffy: FAITH, NO! Faith swings down with her stake and plunges it into Allan's heart, then pulls it out. Allan grabs his chest in pain and surprise. Blood pours out freely, pumped out by his now punctured, beating heart. Faith backs away as Buffy quickly gets down beside him to try to help him. Allan pulls his hands away and looks down at them covered in his own blood, shaking hard as he goes into shock. Buffy looks at the wound and sees its severity. Buffy: Don't move! Faith: (shocked) I didn't... I didn't know. I didn't know. Buffy: (to Faith behind her) We need to call 911, NOW! Faith is paralyzed with fear. Allan shakes even harder as the blood loss increases. He looks up at Buffy. Buffy: (to Allan) Don't move, i-it's okay... She tries to apply pressure to the wound, but the blood just keeps coming. Buffy: (to Faith) I-I need, I need something to stop the... Allan begins to convulse. His eyes go wide with the fear of death as blood begins to trickle from the corner of his mouth. He tries to say something, but can't get the words out. Buffy can only watch in despair, unable to help. Allan looks down at his chest one last time, then reaches up to Buffy, but his arm never makes it. It falls to his side, and his body relaxes against the dumpster, finally dead. His eyes remain wide open, staring up into nothing. Buffy stares back at him in open- mouthed horror. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The alley. Allan lies dead against the dumpster. Faith begins to panic. Faith: We gotta go! She grabs Buffy and pulls her up. Faith: Come on, we gotta go! They run from the scene. The camera cuts to Allan's face, still blankly staring into space, and pans down to his blood-soaked shirt and jacket. Cut to the Slayers running down an alley. Buffy stops to look back. Faith grabs her arm to get her to follow. Faith: Come on. She climbs up on some crates and jumps over a wall. Buffy decides to continue down the alley to a fence, and climbs over it instead. Cut into another alley. Buffy waits for a car to pass on the street and walks into the alley. There she is surprised by Angel coming out of the shadows. Buffy: Angel! Angel: Buffy, I've been looking for you. He notices that she's stressed out, then sees the blood on her hands. He takes one and holds it up to see. Buffy jerks it back. Angel: Your hand. Buffy: It's okay. Angel: I've just been to the warehouse. I was waiting for you. They got Giles. Buffy's face instantly washes over with worry. Cut to Allan's body. Faith slowly steps up to it. In the distance a police siren can be heard getting closer, then further away. Faith kneels down beside Allan and reaches out for the wound. She touches it and immediately yanks her hand back. She looks at him, her expression full of guilt and horror at making the worst mistake she possibly could: killing a human. Cut to the packing warehouse. Wesley and Giles are being held before Balthazar, but he's ignoring them for the moment as he insistently instructs the vampire with the ladle. Balthazar: The front! The front! Moisten the front! He groans as a ladle full of water is poured across his chest. Wesley and Giles watch in disgust. Wesley: (very nervous) Oh, God! (looks around desperately) Oh, God! Giles: (calmly) It doesn't seem too promising, does it? Wesley: (trying not to panic) Stay calm, Mr. Giles. We have to stay calm. Giles: (brimming over with sarcasm) Well, thank God you're here. I was planning to panic. Wesley: (looks at Balthazar) What is that thing? Giles: That would be your demon. You know, the dead one? Wesley: There's no need to get snippy. Balthazar finally turns his attention to the Watchers. Balthazar: Bring them closer. Two of the Eliminati grab them and shove them closer. Balthazar: You know what I want. Giles: If it's for me to scrub those hard-to-reach areas, I'd like to request you kill me now. He is hit hard in the back for his insolence. Giles: Ow. Wesley: (beginning to panic) Are you out of your mind? This is hardly the time for games! Giles: Why not? They're going to torture us to death anyway. Balthazar: (snickers happily) You're not wrong about that. (wheezes) Wesley: Now, hold on. We-we-we can deal with this rationally. We have something you want. You have something we want. Balthazar: Hmm... A trade. Intriguing. (considers) No. Wait. Boring. Pull off his kneecaps! Two of the vampires grab him. Wesley: (horrified) NOOO! No, no, no! (they let go, he caves) The Slayer g-gave it to someone. A tall man, a friend... a friend of hers. I can tell you everything. Giles: (under his breath) Quiet, you twerp! They'll kill us both. Wesley: (panicked) But I'd like to have my kneecaps. Balthazar: You will tell us everything! Wesley: Yes! Sir. Balthazar: What is this friend's name? Wesley: (at a loss) I didn't actually catch it. Giles: (tries to fake him out) Look, um, tell you what, let Captain Courageous here go, and I'll tell you what you need to know. How's that deal? Balthazar: THERE IS ONE DEAL! YOU WILL DIE QUICKLY, OR YOU WILL DIE SLOWLY! THE MAN WHO HAS MY AMULET! WHAT IS HIS NAAAME?! Angel: His name is Angel. He walks into their midst sporting his game face, and immediately grabs the two Eliminati holding Giles and Wesley, pulling them away and slamming one of them into a wall, the other into some metal shelves. Another one moves to take their place holding the Watchers, but Giles headbutts him, and he falls. Buffy jumps in now, too, coming from the other direction, backhand punches one vampire and punches another in the face. The first one raises his sword and tries to attack, but she blocks him and grabs his arm. She brings it down and knees him in the gut, making him drop his sword. Giles sees Buffy catch it, and turns his tied hands toward her. She swings the sword in a high arc and brings it down on the ropes binding his wrists, slicing them cleanly. The pieces fall to the floor as Giles grabs Wesley and pushes him out of harm's way. Buffy swings the sword back at the Eliminatus, but he catches her hand and swings the sword down against the edge of Balthazar's pool, forcing her to drop it. He does a backhand swing at Buffy's face, making her trip forward, but she returns with a back kick at him, and then shoulder rolls onto a large crate to avoid being sliced by another one's sword. Balthazar: (flailing his arms in a tantrum) Un... (sputters) Unacceptable! Angel ducks a swing from an Eliminatus and then does a right hook to his face and punches him hard in the gut. He turns around and backhand punches the one behind him, blocks a return swing and punches him again. Balthazar: (very displeased) UNACCEPTABLE! Out of the way of the fight, Giles unties Wesley's hands. Behind him a vampire roars, and he looks back in time to see and duck his sword. It hits on a shelf, and Giles grabs the blade and back elbows the vamp in the face, taking the sword from him. He swings it around and jams the hilt of the sword into his face as well, then spins around in time to take on another one. The Eliminatus swings his sword at Giles, who parries it with his own. The vampire swings again, and again Giles blocks it. The demon spins around and swings down from above, but again Giles has his sword up in time to block. He swings his arms around and down, forcing the Eliminatus' sword to the floor and making him bend down with it, and then knees him in the face. The vampire jerks backward and falls to the floor, dropping his sword. In the meantime, the one whose sword was taken away by Giles grabs Wesley from behind, pinning his arms behind his back. Wesley: Giles! Giles raises his sword and starts to swing it. Giles: DOWN! Wesley bends over fast, and the blade catches the vampire on the neck and slices through. The beheaded Eliminatus bursts into ashes. Wesley stands back up, shocked at what just happened. Buffy gets to her feet on a raised area of the floor. An Eliminatus comes at her with a sword, but she grabs his arm and pulls him past her over a crate and into a barrel. Another one swings at her, and she middle blocks him, punches him in the gut, ducks another swing and then backhand punches him in the face. He falls to the floor. Buffy picks him up and sends him spinning into a huge pile of rope. As he tries to come at her again, she does a full spinning wheel kick to his face. He quickly regains his balance and tries to punch her, but she redirects his fist and holds onto it while she elbows him in the face. She swings him around and throws him into a bunch of stacked oil barrels. Angel delivers a side kick to his attacker. Another one tries to front kick him, but he grabs his leg and throws him into a back layout. Another one comes for Buffy. She just grabs him by the arms and throws him from the raised floor to below. She blocks a roundhouse kick from another and nearly gets punched in the face. She punches him in the gut, and he doubles over, backing away a bit. This gives her room to fly into a double spinning out-to-in jumping crescent kick. The vampire flies upward spinning fast and lands hard on a crate, then rolls off onto the floor below. An Eliminatus gets Angel in the face with a jumping out-to-in crescent kick, but he's not fazed. Angel blocks a high punch from him, punches him in the gut, grabs onto him and throws him through the air and into a wall. Balthazar has had enough and holds out his arms. The air between him and Angel becomes disturbed, and Angel finds himself being sucked back toward him. He lands on his back on the edge of the pool. Balthazar seizes his head in both hands. Angel struggles to get away, but the grip is extremely tight. Buffy sees what's happening and looks for a way to help. She spies an electrical cable hanging down from a lamp directly above Balthazar. She grabs it and yanks hard, and the lamp falls from the roof with sparks flying right into the pool. Balthazar immediately lets go of Angel and writhes in agony as he is electrocuted. Giles and Wesley stare in amazement. Soon Balthazar seems dead and the circuit breakers shut off the power. Buffy rushes over to help Angel. He's shaken but fine. She looks at Balthazar and is startled when his eyes whip open and he takes a sudden breath. Balthazar: (weak and wheezing) Slayer! You think you've won. (chuckles and wheezes) When he rises... you'll wish I'd killed you all. He lets out his last breath and dies. Buffy looks at Angel, wondering what he meant. Cut to a room at City Hall. Mayor Wilkins is kneeling in an inverted pentagram with his hands out to his sides. Five candles are burning at each point. He recites a spell. Mayor Wilkins: Potestatem matris nostrae in tenebris invoco. Maledictum filium tuum abomni periculo custodias nunc et in saecula! Translation: Our mother of darkness, I summon thee. Curse now your dangerous accursed son and protect him into the new age! The building begins to shake. The Mayor remains still with his eyes closed and moves with the quake. Mr. Trick looks around nervously, as does Vincent who is locked in a cage. Soon it's over, and the Mayor opens his eyes and checks his watch. Mayor Wilkins: I don't understand why Allan would miss this. He's usually so punctual. (stands up) Trick: (wide-eyed) Did it work? Mayor Wilkins: Let's find out. Open the gate. Trick: You sure? Mayor Wilkins: Oh! Hold on. He trots over to Trick, takes Vincent's sword from him, sets it tip-down on the floor and lets it fall through the cage bars into Vincent's hands. The Mayor takes several steps back. Mayor Wilkins: Okay. Now we're ready. Trick steps around to the front of the cage, unlocks the padlock and removes the chains. The Mayor watches and waits calmly. Trick pulls open the door, and Vincent rushes out, heading straight for the Mayor. He raises his sword high and brings it down hard on the Mayor's head, slicing it in two. Amazingly, he does not bleed. The flesh inside just shimmers as Vincent pulls back his sword. The two halves of the Mayor's head pull toward each other and seal themselves together. He stands before Vincent as though he was completely untouched. Vincent can't believe his eyes and backs away. Mr. Trick waits behind him and stakes him through the back. He explodes into ashes. Mayor Wilkins: Well! He reaches into his jacket, pulls out his daily planner and opens it to today's list. Some of the things included are: Greet Scouts Lumber Union Reschedule Call Temp Agency Become Invincible Meeting With PTA Haircut He puts a check mark next to "Become Invincible" and puts the planner away. Trick comes up to him. Mayor Wilkins: This officially commences the Hundred Days. Nothing can harm me until the Ascension. (smiles wide and laughs) Gosh, I'm feeling chipper! (keeps laughing) Who's for a root beer?! He turns around and leaves the room. Trick can't help but smile and follow him. Cut to Faith's hotel. Cut to her bathroom. She is scrubbing at her shirt in the sink when she hears a knock on the door and looks up. Buffy: Faith, it's me. Faith leaves the shirt in the sink and goes to answer it. Buffy breaks a long moment of silence. Buffy: Hey. Faith: Hey. She walks back to the bathroom and continues scrubbing the shirt. Buffy comes in, closes the door and follows Faith to the bathroom. Buffy: So, I, uh... (sees Faith scrubbing) How are ya doin'? Faith: (still scrubbing) I'm alright. You know me. Buffy: Faith, we need to talk about what we're gonna do. Faith: (looks at Buffy) There's nothing to talk about. I was doing my job. Buffy: Being a Slayer is not the same as being a killer. Faith has nothing to say. She's finished scrubbing. Buffy: Faith, please don't shut me out here. Look, sooner or later, we're both gonna have to deal. Faith: (looks the shirt over) Wrong. Buffy: We can help each other. Faith: I don't need it. She pulls the plug from the sink, walks into the room and pulls open a drawer on which to hang the shirt to dry. Buffy: Yeah? Who's wrong now? Faith, you can shut off all the emotions that you want. But eventually, they're gonna find a body. Faith: (faces Buffy) Okay, this is the last time we're gonna have this conversation, and we're not even having it now, you understand me? There is no body. I took it, weighted it, and dumped it. The body doesn't exist. (turns away) Buffy: (shocked) Getting rid of the evidence doesn't make the problem go away. Faith: (faces Buffy) It does for me. Buffy: (very concerned) Faith, you don't get it. You killed a man. Faith: No, you don't get it. (smiles daringly) I don't care! She turns away again to tend to her things. Buffy is speechless with disbelief.	Plan: A: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce; Q: Who is the new Watcher? A: ( Alexis Denisof; Q: Who plays Wesley Wyndam-Pryce? A: a wild night; Q: What are the girls having at The Bronze? A: Angel; Q: Who brings info on the whereabouts of Balthazar? A: Balthazar; Q: What is the name of the demon that Angel brings to the Slayers? A: Christian Clemenson; Q: Who plays Balthazar? Summary: The Slayers get a new Watcher, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce ( Alexis Denisof ). The girls are having a wild night at The Bronze, where Angel brings info on the whereabouts of the demon, Balthazar ( Christian Clemenson ).
In Paige's dorm room (The fire is being put out by her RA as people watch from the hall.) Paige: I don't know what happened. I was studying and then suddenly I'm staring into Dante's Inferno. Kevin: This could have been a lot worse. Paige: Kevin you are my fire-fighting resident's assistant hero. Kevin: I'm not gonna find any melted wax in the bottom of this trashcan, am I? (Paige shuts the door.) Paige: Um (something?) candle? No of course not. Um my computer, it must have spontaneously combusted. Kevin: Grab your stuff. You can crash in the common room tonight. You may have to live there for a while. Paige: I have got to do a, a 20-page essay and, and ace a take-home exam and do a million chapter summaries for 5:00 or I am a big, fat, flunking out loser. Kevin: They always say everything looks better in the morning. Paige: Well that's only true if your entire world hasn't gone supernova! Outside Paige's classroom (Paige is practicing what she's gonna say to her professor.) Paige: I just need a few more days. There was a teensy weensy fire and a big family emergency. (Her phone rings.) Paige: Alex? Alex: Guess who just got her third bio A+ in a row? Paige: Heather Sinclaire? Alex: Ouch, but deserved. Any chance a marketing guru can forgive a science geek for being an obnoxious turkey? Paige: Are you actually apologizing? Alex: I'm full of surprises and still kind of worried about your whole family dinner flame-out. Paige: Apology accepted and I could not be more fine, honestly. Last minute is my middle name. But enough about me. Uh go celebrate your scholarness. Any A+ plans? Alex: Carla's meeting me at the Dot tonight. Nothing special, but she's paying! Paige: Well congrats hon. Uh send her my love, okay? Alex: Later. (They hang up and Paige sees Professor James.) Paige: Professor James. Professor James: Ms. Michalchuk, finished already? I gave you until 5 today. Paige: Um actually uh you know how it is. Family weekend, parental drama and a minor dorm room fire type incident. I was hoping for another very small extension. I just wouldn't want to hand in less than my best. Professor James: A fire? Do you have the fire marshal's report? Paige: No, but I have soot-filled everything as proof. Believe me I wouldn't make this up. I just thought that maybe under the circumstances... Professor James: I can't make last minute exceptions Paige. You understand that I'm sure. Paige: I guess I have to. Professor James: Hand in whatever you've got. I'll see you at 5. No excuses. At Degrassi Mr. Stone: Impounded! The $60,000 vehicle you snuck out of my garage has been impounded! Peter: I was on my way home from feeding the homeless, doing a good deed! Ms. Hatzilakos: I don't care if you were curing the blind, okay? A suspended licence means no driving, period! Mr. Stone: Probation officer says if you up the community service, they might reduce the fine. Peter: Okay fine. I'll be an angel. Mr. Stone: Well you make sure that you are. Here! (He storms out and Ms. Hatzilakos follows him.) Ms. Hatzilakos: And Troy if you can't control Peter on the weekends, then I will. Mr. Stone: Daphne save the principal routine for your delinquent son, okay? Ms. Hatzilakos: Who's delinquent? How about the guy who bought his 16 year old son a $60,000 car, huh? Peter: Guys stop! Ms. Hatzilakos: Who are you trying to impress? (They both walk away as Peter and Darcy look at each other.) In the common room at Paige's dorm Paige: Okay one thing at a time. (She stares at her laptop.) Kevin: I see your laptop survived. Any chance I could check my blog? Paige: Uh saving my semester by 5PM is a tad more important than your blog. Kevin: Right. Stupid question. So uh you almost done? Paige: Not remotely. Kevin: Better hurry up. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. (Paige searches for a college essay online and takes out her credit card.) At Peter's locker (Darcy walks up to him and hands him a card.) Peter: What's this? Darcy: Bus pass. Once I walked all the way home, I kind of cooled down. Peter: Oh wow. After the cop pulled us over, I didn't think you'd be speaking to me anymore, let alone buying me gifts. Darcy: So you forgive me for smothering you with pie? Peter: It was stupid to drive, but I had to get to the soup kitchen. I couldn't let the homeless starve. Darcy: Were your parents mad about the car? Peter: They're off the charts. Blame each other for everything. I try to be brave or whatever, but deep down there's this little sad... (Peter takes her hand and she pulls it away laughing.) Peter: Hey how about a nice, long walk in the park after school? Darcy: Are you asking me out on a date? Peter: Depends on your answer. (Darcy walks away.) Peter: That was a yes, right? (Darcy smiles and shrugs as she walks away.) At Banting Paige: Professor James here it is. Professor James: 5PM. Right on time. Paige: Sometimes I work best under pressure. (She looks it over and sighs.) Professor James: I have seen this essay four times in the last two years. Most students try to change a sentence or two. Paige: Professor James, with 300 students these essays must all just start to look the same. Professor James: Don't insult me. Paige: You're giving me a zero? Professor James: Or I could talk to the dean who, by the way, has made it his mission to eradicate plagiarism. Your choice. Paige: My choice? I'm going home to a real school with real friends with flame retardant dorms. I don't care if I am a stupid Banting girl because I hate Banting! At a park (Peter brings Darcy weeds.) Peter: For you. Not soup kitchen decorations this time. Darcy: Aw. My favourite weed. Peter: I thought they were flowers. (She notices his uniform and pooper scooper.) Darcy: Uh what's uh all this? Peter: Beautiful day for a walk. Darcy: Wait this is your idea of a date? Peter: Yeah, it's community service, but it's also doing good. Isn't that how you roll? Oh I meant to ask, do you think you could get the Reverend to sign some forms for last weekend? Darcy: So that's what this is? I'm your community service hook-up? Peter: You're not, Darce. This is my life. I thought you got that nobody's perfect. (She walks away and Peter keeps picking up dog poop.) At the Dot Alex: What's wrong picky? I thought we were celebrating. Carla: Yeah well aren't salads supposed to be fresh? This is disgusting. Alex: Well maybe if you tried red meat, you wouldn't be so cranky. Carla: You are unbelievable. (Paige sits down.) Paige: Isn't she? Human trash compactor. Alex: Either you're in Toronto midweek or this ain't root beer. Paige: Dinner's on me. Uh okay my mom. To Alex, the newest scholar on Degrassi's block. Alex: Did you have three hours to poach my drink? Carla: Yeah you must have been thirsty. Paige: I drove three hours for a great reason, but tonight is all about Miss A+, the brightest Nuñez ever. Carla: Did you know that she turned down Paradiso Bistro to come here. Paige: I'm not saying she's perfect. Alex: Should I leave you two alone? Paige: Yeah well I want to hear all about a day in the life of an honours grad marathon runner at Toronto U. Carla: Well it's not that interesting. At Alex's Alex: Question of the night. Why aren't you sleeping at Marco's and Dylan's? Paige: Well everyone's back from the weekend. It's a full house. Alex: And why are you in town? Paige: Because people here don't ask a million questions. Alex: Nice try Michalchuk. Paige: I don't know. It was so chaotic with all the family and the schoolwork. I was just craving some happy...some you. Hon we're gonna stay this close forever, right? Alex: Depends. Are you gonna scream at me from behind any bathroom doors? Paige: But see I did that and three days later you are making me a couch-bed. I'm crazy and you are so strong. Alex: Even perfect Banting girls need to let their hair down every once in a while. Paige: You are the only one who has any idea. Alex: It's a school night. I'll tuck you in. (Paige kisses Alex.) Alex: What was that? Paige: Um good night kiss? (Alex goes upstairs.) In the morning, Paige is making breakfast Alex: Penance waffles? Paige: With extra "I'm sorry" whip and "I would never intentionally play with your feelings" strawberries. Alex: My food usually only says "eat me". Paige: Well your mom and Chad call them little puffs of heaven. Alex: And they were made by such an angel. Are we gonna talk about what that little smoochy smooch was all about last night? Paige: Oh you mean that thing that never happened? Alex: Okay. You've driven here twice this week and for what? To cook a couple meals? Well it seems kind of strange...even for you. Paige: Okay Veronica Mars. I miss home. Alex: Okay what's in these waffles? Paige: Nothing. I'm just...I'm happy and I have a plan. Is tonight still karaoke night? Alex: Uh huh. Paige: Well then round up the troops. I have a feeling I'll need to celebrate. Alex: I knew I wasn't the only reason you came back. Do I even get a hint? (Paige shrugs and walks out the door smiling.) [SCENE_BREAK] At Degrassi Darcy: Here. The reverend hopes to see you at the next soup kitchen. Peter: Wait Darcy, I hate soup. I hate dog turds even more, but I like you. I have fun with you. Darcy: You're under house arrest. I've got Spirit Squad, Friendship Club. Plus I'm still grounded thanks to those web photos. I just don't see it working. Sorry. Peter: Wait who's that guy who works in mysterious ways? (She walks away smiling.) At Toronto U's admissions office Admissions Clerk: Awesome high school records. Paige: Well Toronto U accepted me last spring so I was hoping I could transfer. Admissions Clerk: We need your Banting transcripts. Paige: Even if I take a different program? Admissions Clerk: Yeah. Unless you want to reapply for the Fall. Paige: Next Fall? My mom will die. I'm talking cardiac arrest and then she's gonna kill me from beyond the grave. Admissions Clerk: Well frosh off and flounder. Paige: Flounder? No, no, no, no. I can't flounder. I can't be this person. Horrible grades, social outcast, gained the freshman fifteen-zillion. In three months Banting has turned me into a, a chunky, essay-flunking pyromaniac! Admissions Clerk: I'm guessing Banting isn't the problem. Sorry. Next. (Paige storms off and is shown crying in her car.) At Darcy's (Peter is outside her window.) Peter: Psst! Darce it's me. Darcy: Peter! What are you doing here? Peter: I believe the word is romance. Darcy: You're gonna get us both in sugar. Peter: I don't care. I'll risk all the sugar in the world. My probation, my house arrest, my parents losing their minds...just for one minute with you. (Darcy puts a robe on and walks outside.) Peter: Be careful. I will sing. Darcy: No! If my dad hears you, I'll never get to see you. Peter: So you want to see me? Darcy: Go home Peter. At karaoke Marco: (Singing) I don't change my mind for anybody. I won't waste my time on just anybody. I won't share my life with anyone, but you. With anyone, but you. With anyone, but you! (Paige walks in.) Paige: Sorry I'm late. Uh pinchy boots keep it slow. Marco: Aw it's like Spinner. Spinner: Whatever. I'll take that as a compliment. Jimmy: So Alex says you're back in town to celebrate. Alex: Yeah so what's the amazing news? Paige: Um well yours truly just got a huge scholarship to Toronto U. I'm moving home. Marco: In the middle of a semester? Paige: Yeah. They made an exception. So are we gonna do this or not? Marco: You bet. Spinner: Bust it maestro. (Paige and Marco start singing horribly.) Outside, Paige is putting gas in the tank Alex: So when are you gonna tell me why you really left Banting? Paige: I already told you. Alex: Yeah big mid-semester scholarship. Thing is you already had one. Paige: Banting is not what I expected. I mean I am kicking butt, but it's so lame. There's no fun times like tonight and definitely no fun people. Alex: That's it? Paige: Banting was great for my mom, but I have connections here. Alex: Connections? By that you mean? Paige: My friends, people who think I count for something, cool people. (Paige spills gas on her shoes.) Paige: Oh my pinchy boots. Um there should be paper towels in here somewhere. My dad went all boy scout when I got the car. (Alex sees all of Paige's papers and tests with failing grades.) Paige: Did you find anything? Alex: Yeah. I sure did. (She hands Paige the paper towels who cleans her boots.) Paige: Oh ew. Outside Degrassi (Peter's dad is dropping him off.) Peter: Okay bye dad. Darcy: Here! It's a day timer. I wrote down all my free time this week. You do the same and that's when I'll see you. Peter: Cool thanks. Oh so you're free today after school? I have an hour before I have to report to my probation officer. Darcy: It's a date. Ms. Hatzilakos: Oh. Here you go! Peter: What's this? Ms. Hatzilakos: Directions to a convicted street racers press conference after school. I volunteered you to give an apology. Peter: Today? You've got to be joking. Ms. Hatzilakos: And if you're thinking on skipping, don't. I'll be there. (Mr. Stone drives back with Peter's uniform.) Mr. Stone: Trash man! Forget something? Peter: Yeah can't live without this. Mr. Stone: Oh and your uncle's looking forward to some squeaky clean dishes at his restaurant this weekend. Peter: Yeah and every other weekend. I know. Mr. Stone: Know another way to make the 5 grand it cost me to get the car out of impound? Maybe your mother will take a cut to her alimony payments. Ms. Hatzilakos: Love you too. (She rolls her eyes as Peter's dad drives off.) Ms. Hatzilakos: My office. 3:00 sharp. (She leaves and Peter looks at Darcy.) Peter: Yeah you were right. This isn't gonna work. At the Dot Paige: Two bedroom on the subway line. $1200. Ouch. Alex: Two bedroom? Paige: Isn't it time you gave your mom and Chad their personal space? (Alex looks around.) Paige: Hun you waiting for someone? Alex: Maybe. Paige: Who Carla? Look if we move in together, it doesn't mean... (She sees her mom.) Paige: Mom? Hi. What are you doing here? Mrs. Michalchuk: We need to talk Paige. You have some explaining to do. Paige: What's going on? Mrs. Michalchuk: Alex found some essays, some tests in your car. Paige: You did this? Alex: I'll let you guys talk. (Alex leaves as Paige gets all upset.) Outside Ms. Hatzilakos' office Darcy: Thought I'd find you here. Peter: I'm forming a permanent butt groove. Why are you here? Darcy: Just seeing your parents, the way they fight...it must be horrible to feel like they're always angry. Peter: Just not a great example of love, I guess. Darcy: I know someone who has a lot of love to give. Peter: Okay no offence, but you better not be talking about Jesus. (She gives him a look and he takes her hand.) Peter: Darce I'm gonna be late to pick you up and I'm gonna bail on dates. All the day planners in the world can't change that, but I'll never stop thinking about you. Darcy: I hope not and if you ever hurt me, I'll tell your mom. Outside the Dot (Paige hugs her mom goodbye and walks over to Alex.) Paige: I can't believe you told my mother. Alex: Who else would I tell? Paige: I don't know. Nobody? Alex: You need help Paige and you needed to tell the truth to someone. It was the only way to force it out. Paige: Well why didn't you talk to me first? Alex: Paige you've been lying to me ever since you got here and I have no idea why. (Paige sits down next to her.) Paige: I've always kind of felt like you looked up to me and I want you to be proud of me, but the truth is I'm just a loser. Alex: And you used me to pull some big crazy scam? Paige: I'm sorry Alex. I didn't know who else to turn to. Alex: The next time you need a safety net, call the fire department. Paige: Actually they'll probably be calling me. I kind of burned down my dorm room. Alex: Seriously? (Paige nods.) Alex: Wow. When you flame out, you really flame out. Paige: What am I gonna do? Alex: That's the thing missy, what do you want to do? Scenes for next week Paige: We are just friends. Friends with a benefits package. (Paige kisses Spinner.) Voiceover: Paige has a new dating strategy. Paige: Cas is the way we rock it. Voiceover: But casual... Paige: Hey lets dance. (Paige and Jesse are shown dancing.) Voiceover: ...turns complicated. Paige: (Talking to Alex) Spinner is my 7:00 and Jesse's my 9. Alex: You uh wanna come to my place when you're done for a post-game wrap-up? (Paige puts her arms around Alex.) Voiceover: Very complicated.	Plan: A: her dorm fire; Q: What event caused Paige to drop out of college? A: Paige; Q: Who decides to drop out of college? A: Toronto; Q: Where does Paige decide to move to after dropping out of college? A: her poor grades; Q: Why does Paige decide to drop out of college? A: her reoccurring panic attacks; Q: What does Paige have to deal with by herself? A: the truth; Q: What can no one know about Paige's panic attacks? A: Peter; Q: Who is determined to show Darcy that he's changed? Summary: In the aftermath of her dorm fire, Paige decides to drop out of college and move back to Toronto due to her poor grades. She now has to deal with her reoccurring panic attacks by herself since no one can know the truth. Meanwhile, Peter is determined to show Darcy that he's changed.
MONDAY... RADIO ON AIR Sammy on radio: Good morning, West Texas! Slammin' Sammy Mead comin' at you with Panther Football radio! 470 AM on your dial. It's Monday morning, and we all know what that means. Only four days till Friday night. The night that our Dillon Panthers bring the hammer down on the Westerby Mustangs. Who wants to talk Panther football, I'm all ears. Woman: Hey, Sammy, this is Susan from South Bain. This new coach, uh, Coach Taylor, right? Sammy: Eric Taylor, that's right. Woman: Well, he... he's got himself a lot of pressure right now, and there's lots of expectations on him, and what the heck is going on there? You got a news crew following him around every step of the preseason. Who does he think he is? Mack Brown? He's no Mack Brown, I'll tell you right now. Sammy: Well, now, Susan, I don't think anybody is, but let me tell you something. He has stepped into the number one team in Texas. Woman: That's right. Sammy: And he does have a news crew followin' him. I agree with you, and that's a lot of added pressure, but it's lettin' him know how important this football is to us here in Texas. Woman: Well, I want to add my voice to that... to that... MATT SARACEN'S HOUSE - Living room Matt: Okay, Grandma, I made you two tuna fish sandwiches, and I put your medicine in the green Gatorade, okay? Grandma: Green Gatorade, but I only want one sandwich. Matt: Well, then just eat one. Grandma: But you made two, and I just want one. Matt: No, no, no, no, I-I'll eat the other one when I get home from practice, okay? Grandma: You'll be hungry. After that good ol' practice. Matt: Yeah. Grandma: You... I adore. EXT. MATT SARACEN'S HOUSE - Landry's car Landry: Y'know, I think I'm gonna get me one of those signs that say Landry Clarke: Utterly Useless. All State jerk team. Matt: Yeah, I'd probably be on that team too. We can hear radio on air... Sammy: Jason Street has a 72% pass completion rate. Not only is that number one in the state of Texas, that is number one nationally. Landry: Are you even gonna play at all? Matt: Nope. Landry: Seriously, this is some kind of big misdirected "Daddy, love me" thing, ain't it? I can't keep driving you to this practice in humiliation, it's not good for either one of us. Matt: You're an insomniac. You're up anyway. I'm doing you a favor. You should be thanking me. Landry: Now that was mean, Matt. That wasn't nice. TIM RIGGINS' HOUSE - Living room Billy: Gotta get up, little brother. Probably 49 players right now. Up and at 'em. Right now, this minute. 49 players on the move. Tim, they'll kick you off the team. Tim: Yup. You're a brother, don't forget. Not a mother. Billy: You ain't that good. Tim: Twice the player you ever was, man. Billy: This is life, this isn't Maxim magazine. Tyra: What's that supposed to mean? Billy: Waste of time. Tim: Right. LYLA GARRITY'S HOUSE - Kitchen Pam: And no going out with Jason Street this evening. We're having a family dinner tonight. That means the entire family, dinner together. Lyla: Rally rehearsal tonight. She's gonna be rehearsing how far she can get how far she can get her tongue into Jason Street's mouth. Buddy: Nip it. Lyla: I love you, Daddy. Buddy: Uh, love you too, baby. FOOTBALL FIELD Journalist: How you doin', Coach? Tommy Hayskins, NBC Sports. Eric: Tommy, welcome. Journalist: How's it feel to be head coach after, what, how many years? Eric: Six years, it is. Got yourself a heck of a quarterback. He's a good boy. Very proud of him. Journalist: Now, you two have been at this together for some time, right? Jason: Yes, sir, he was my coach all through Pee Wee, and Coach Taylor's been QB coaching me since, uh, freshman and JV years, so it's been awhile. Journalist: So, Coach, is it a coincidence you finally get the head coaching job the final season of Jason's high school career? Eric: It is, it's a very fortunate coincidence. You gotta feel blessed to spend your first year with a young man who's got the talent and the moral strength this young man right here has. Player: Hut! Man: We'd like to get you all on the field next Saturday up in South Bend. There are really no words to describle the experience... Jason's dad: Sounds terrific. Man: We're ready to get this thing done. Jason's dad: Think we are too. Jason's mum: How good is he? Man: Mrs. Street, I've been scouting quarterbacks for Notre Dame for 27 years. Your son may be the best I have ever seen. Eric: We expect a lot of him, and, uh, he produces. And, uh, we're very proud of him. Smash: We go in undefeated, shattering records. Taking these high expectations to unimaginable new highs. State champions. Journalist: What's after high school, Brian? Smash: Me and Mack Brown gonna get our win on in Pasadena. Get my national championship on, get my Heisman on. Journalist: It's known that a uple years ago, your father passed away. And he's not gonna be able- Smash: No, look, I don't talk about that, all right? You wanna ask me football questions, I'll answer your football questions. Journalist: Let's shift gears a minute. There's been talk of racism around this squad. Have you experienced anything like that? Smash: I don't let that fade me. I just keep my blinders on, and keep moving. I got things to do. Tim: That's not racism, man. I just don't like him. He can be from Saudi Arabia, or Sweden, or Czech. That dude could be Santa Claus, and I still won't like him. Name's Tim Riggins, I play, uh, fullback. Journalist: It's known that you're one of the more aggressive players. What do you find appealing about that? Tim: I just like to hurt people. Just pull'em down. Jason: This is a very good football team, and we all know each other extremely well, so that's how we play. Coach: Saracen, go take a look at that trash can for a yellow play sheet, I think I accidentally threw it out. Player: Hut! Coach: Move, move, move, move, move! That's the ball, right there, that we want, Steve. Journalist: Tim, I don't mean to be inappropriate, but I do smell alcohol on your breath. Have you been drinking? Tim: No. Journalist: Not at all? Tim: No. Journalist: Okay. Coach: Pick it up, pick it up! You wanna play football today? What the hell is going on with you right now? Eric: Are we not clear that in five days a group of men are gonna be coming down here to try and destroy you? Is that not- is that not clear? ...32... Get up, Riggins. These same men are gonna be coming down here. They're gonna use everything they have to hurt you... 84... I'm tired of seein' that out here on this field! ...82... get up, Riggins. Get up! Journalist: You feel a ttle extra responsibilit. Eric: Yeah, there's a little bit of extra responsibility. Of course, that comes with the territory. It's to be expected. You wanna do that, you take it somewhere else! Journalist: How good is this team? Jason: We're a very good team. Smash: Man, this team's the best team. They got me. Eric: Get up, Riggins. They're gonna attempt to do this in front of your mother, in front of your fathers, in front of your brothers, in front of your sisters...8... Come on, son, get up. Smash: You're making us look weak! Tim: I hate that guy. Smash: One person fumbles the ball, we all fumble the ball! Tim: Hate him. Smash: One person shows up half drunk, we all show up half drunk! Eric: 20. Smash: This is business, I keep it football. We ain't got time for your games, Rig. Leave all other stuff at home. We got a game to win. Eric: Get up, son. Get up! ******** Generic ******** DILLON RESTAURANT Jason: This is where pretty much everybody eats. Uh, I come here and get the Aztec burger, every day, leading up to a game. Journalist: Oh, yeah, is that an endorsement? Jason: Endorsement, sir? Journalist: Well, that could be your first professional endorsement, the Aztec burger. Lyla: No, he doesn't have any endorsements. Jason: No, no endorsements. No way. Smash: I got some endorsements! Journalist: What you got? Smash: Nike, Adidas. Journalist: Nike and Adidas? Smash: Yeah. Journalist: Isn't that a conflict of interest? Smash: Not the way the Smash does it, baby. I got so much skills, there's room for everybody. Reebok too-I'ma do Big Macs and Whoppers. Coke and Pepsi. Look, I'ma bring the whole world together, baby. Then I'ma bust up Paris Hilton's marriage. Journalist: Is that right? Smash: The Smash gonna be running hotel chains. Landry: So, you-you wanna go for it? Matt: No, that's the coach's daughter. Landry: Yeah, I know-I know it's the coach's daughter, but... is that some kind of rule? I mean, we can't talk to the coach's daughter? I wasn't aware of that rule. Come on, let's go. Julie: Yes? Landry: I'm in your English class. Julie: Okay. Landry: So is he. Julie: Yeah. Landry: We were just, ah, wonderin' if you wanna maybe have some lunch. You know, talk some Moby Dick. Julie: You're on the football team, right? Landry: I, actually, no, I don't play. He's technically, barely, on the team. He never plays. Matt: I hold extra points sometimes. Landry: Yeah, he held two last year, not-not well, but he's... he's kinda the backup extra. Matt: I'm the backup quarterback. But Street plays, I-I don't play much. Julie: But you're still on the team. And I don't eat with football players. Landry: You know, I'm not- I'm not a football player. Julie: And I don't eat with you either. Landry: No problem. Journalist: How do you see him handling all these enormous expectations? Lyla: You know, Sports Illustrated has this as the number one high school football team in Texas. Oh, I know, that's what I've been saying. Tyra: Oh, really? Lyla: I don't know, he-he just handles it really well. Tyra: How interesting. Lyla: On the field he's so competitive, but after, when we're alone, he's not like that. Tyra: That is so interesting, really. I'd be hard-pressed to remember anything in my entire life that's ever been so damn interesting. Whore. Smash? Smash: Hey. What's up? Tyra: Can I get a bite of your burger? Smash: Hey, baby, you can get a bite of anything you want to. COACH TAYLOR'S OFFICE Tammy: Hey. Eric: Hey babe. Tammy: How they lookin'? Eric: They're fast, and they run a lot of counters. Tammy: So I heard a ugly rumor. Eric: Really? Tammy: Had to do with you and me. And a certain car dealership opening tomorrow night. Eric: Oh, shoot. Tammy: Did you forget to tell me? Eric: I think that I did forget to tell you. Tammy: Alaska, I'm just saying. Eric: I know. Tammy: A much more relaxed lifestyle. Eric: It's under advisement. EXT. MATT SARACEN'S HOUSE Landry: I'm startin' to look at this whole damn town like a big ol' out-of-tune guitar. You know what I mean? I mean, smashed up like- like some-like some demonic crossword puzzle. Y'know, 42 across, 11 letters. Could that be? Yes, it is! It's Satan's horns. Is that a word? 'Cause-'cause I'm seein' it owin' out of Street's mom whenever she gets within 20 feet of a Notre Dame recruiter. Matt: Stop. Landry: 33 down, eight letters, state of bliss. Starts with a S. Matt: Dude, you're just being random. Landry: Try SERENITY, a quality that's in dire shortness of supply out here. But you know what? It doesn't even matter. I'm thinking about starting a Christian speed metal band. You in? Grandma: Matthew! You need to get a new friend. Landry: Ain't funny. EXT. LYLA GARRUTY'S HOUSE Lyla: Mr. Street, is it true that you can throw a 400-yard touchdown pass to three different receivers at the same time? Jason: This is true. Lyla: Then you must kiss me. Is it true that you have superhuman powers and can demolish building and hurl fireballs? Jason: This is true. Lyla: Then you must kiss me. Is it true, Mr. Street... Jason: That I love Lyla Garrity? Lyla: Yes, is that true, Mr. Street? That you love Lyla Garrity? Jason: More than anything in the world. Lyla: More than football? Jason: More than almost anything in the world. TAYLOR'S HOUSE - Living room Tammy: Alright, listen to this, y'all. Large, bright, family home nestled on a quiet cul-de-sac, three large bedrooms, a pool, and his and her closets. His and her closets. Eric: Relent. Tammy: I'm just sayin'. Eric: I know, I know what you're saying. Tammy: Darling, his and her closets. Julie: Moby Dick is actually the perfect metaphor for this town. The cold black sea representing the season in all its uncertainties. Dad. Eric: What? Julie: The magical white whale is the Holy Grail. State championship. Eric: Yeah. Julie: The boat, I mean, the whalers are the team, right? The players and the coaches. Smash Williams is Queequeg, the hulking, African Zulu, harpoon-hurling whale killer? Eric: Who's that make me? Coach Ahab? Julie: Absolutely... coach, captain, hunter, hunted. Tammy: Mm-hmm, his and her closets. Julie: Driven to catch what may be uncatchable. Eric: I'm not so sure you're mine. I'm gonna have to order up a DNA test on you. Tammy: Did you hear me? Eric: If we can see over this front line, and not bite at those counters, we may just capture that fish. Tammy: His and hers closets, baby. Whoo-ooh! TUESDAY... RADIO ON AIR Sammy: Leonard, welcome, what's on your mind? I'm getting tired of listening to people up here worrying about the coach. These people got nothing better to do but worry about that? We got boys who can play football. EXT. PANTHER'S HOME Eric: Well, how's Westerby looking? You get down there, Coach? Man: Yeah, I just got back. Eric: Yeah, what do you know? Man: I know they run some of the fastest son of a bitch counters that I've seen in a long time. Now, the front line is big. Not particularly heavy, but tall. It's gonna make it hard to follow that ball. Now, you're gonna need to add some height on your defense. Maybe play Dillard and Oliver on those defensive ends. That way, it'll give you some height. You can see down on them counts. Eric: Yeah, I like that. Man: Hell with what you like. You have got to win this footbalgame. Now, Coach, I'm dead serious. Now, you got no excuses, and that's a lonely place to be startin'. With expectations like this, the only place you can go is down. That's the problem with being his good. Eric: Yeah, I know. Man: Now, you got to drill 'em on counters. Eric: I will. Thanks, Coach. Man: How's the family? Eric: Everybody's feelin' fine. Man: Well, enjoy. 'Cause it ain't gonna last. Eric: Coach, it ain't that serious, it's only football. Man: It's only football. Eric: It's only football. Man: It's only football. Eric: All right, now. AUTOMOBILE GARRITY'S - Panther's Party Buddy: Uh, we have a few introductions that we need to make at this time, starting with our mayor, Lucy Rodell. Mayor Rodell: Thank you. Thank you, and welcome, everybody, to the openin' of this beautiful automobile dealership owned and operated by Buddy Garrity. Congratulations, Buddy. And of course, we wanna extend a special welcome to Coach Taylor and his coaching staff. Gentlemen, can you join me up here? Come on up here, fellows. Come on up, we want you up here on the stage with us. This is your team, ladies and gentlemen. Eric: I'm gonna make this quick. As a lot of you know, my wife does most of the talking around the house. I'm gonna get in a lot of trouble for that too. Uh, thank you, Mayor. Uh, I wanna second what Buddy said. I wanna thank you, everyone, for coming out tonight. And I just want to say what a privilege it is for each and every one of us standing up here to be part of the mighty Dillon football tradition. We all-and I speak for each and every coach, player, and, uh, trainer up here. We all feel honored. And we feel fully prepared to represent this beloved community this Friday night, and every Friday night. Until we bring home that state championship. Julie: Let's see where that love is if he loses a game. Tammy: I know. Smash: Panthers gonna play extreme, Westerby gonna cry and scream, Panthers gonna get diabolical. Hold up, hold up, hold up. Like Tom Cruise gets scientological. Panthers gonna whoop that ass. As long as Street gets Smash the pass. C'mon, give it up, give it up! Put the rings in the air! Put those rings in the air! Make some noise. Get up on your feet! Woman: Hey, hi! Tammy: Hey! How are you? Woman: Oh, how you? Tammy: I'm great, how are y'all doing? Woman: Oh, fantastic. Tammy: Good. Woman: Now, Tami, how come you never join us for book club? Tammy: Oh, well, you know, with the beginning of the season... Woman: Oh, come on, Tami. Wednesday night's our next meeting. A little wine, a little gossip, it'll be good for you. Tammy: That would be great. Woman: Fun. Tammy: That would be fun. Woman: We would love to have you. Tammy: Oh, thank y'all... Woman: Wednesday night! Tammy: Okay. Wednesday. Woman: We can't wait. Tammy: All right. Woman: Oh, aren't you the cutest thing I've ever seen? Tammy: She is, oh, she is. Woman: All right, y'all. Okay, we'll see ya! Tammy: Bye. Thank you so much, bye. Julie: That's gonna be so awful. Tammy: Stop it. Eric: Excuse me. How about a little space, huh? Pete: Coach. Coach, let me see ya. How you doing? Eric: Hey, Pete, how you doing? Pete: Well, great to see you. Eric: Hey, Tom, how are you? Pete: Hey, good luck tomorrow night. Uh, you know, we've been watching your offense for five years. So it's your time now for the big money, right? You're the boss. Y'know, your name goes next to that WRL after this one. It's not like the last five years, is it? Mayor Rodell: If he lets you call anything, throw the ball, son. Jason: Yes, ma'am. Mayor Rodell: Air it out. Jason: Yes, ma'am. Mayor Rodell: You know you got the skills, you know it right there. Jason: Thank you, I... Mayor Rodell: You got what it takes. Jason: Thank you. Mayor Rodell: Let her fly. Jason: Yes, ma'am. Mayor Rodell: You're a nice boy. Jason: Why, thank you. Mayor Rodell: And you got great manners. Jason: Yes, ma'am. Mayor Rodell: Knock it off. You can't go into the game tomorrow night like that. Tom: The second most important thing after defense is the kicking game, and then they can get their offense in there. Pete: We're hoping we're gonna throw the ball a little bit more this year. Mayor Rodell: Carpet bomb 'em, you understand? Jason: Yes. Mayor Rodell: Chew 'em up, spit 'em out. Jason: Yes, ma'am. Mayor Rodell: So we understand each other. Jason: Yes, ma'am. Mayor Rodell: Excellent, good, good. Jason: You like early Black Sabbath? Mayor Rodell: Black... Black Sabbath? Jason: It'll make you mean. Pete (To Eric): You know, the other thing some people think is you gotta have a great quarterback to win a championship. That's obviously not true. Woman (To Tim): I am so confused about what a blitz is. It sounds a little sexual. Pete: We've been by there a couple times, and didn't see any cars, and lights were off, and it concerned us some. Eric: But you have been working, you've been working. Woman (To Tim): Have you ever blitzed an older woman? You could, you know. Tyra: Hi, Jason. Jason: Tyra. Tyra: So where's Lyla? Jason: She's meetin' me here tonight. Tyra: Oh, that's too bad. Jason: Why's that? Tyra: Y'know, it's gotta get a litt old, Jason. Like, drinking milk all day, every day. You oughta try a milkshake every once in awhile. Pete (To Eric): What are you gonna do tonight? What do you do the night before the game? You've never been a head coach the night before the game. You don't even know what you're gonna do, do you? Photograph: Jason, do you mind? Smile for us. Oh, is that your new girlfriend? Jason: No, no, sir. No. Excuse me. Lyla! Lyla, come here, come here. Look, I'm-I'm sorry. Shouldn't have-I don't even know how it happened. She snuck up on me, cameras started flashing, I started smiling, I'm sorry. It shouldn't have happened. Smash: What's your favorite football team? Man: Oh, you know, USC. Smash: Oh, yeah? Tyra: Hey, Smash. Smash: Hey. Man: I gotta roll. Yeah. Smash: How you doin' there, angel eyes? Tyra: Bored as hell. I hate these things. Smash: Yeah? Pete (To Eric): I mean, you got that, kinda that deer in the headlights look that I'm a little worried about you steppin' up to the plate here. Jason: Hillary, I did not have sexual relations with that girl. Tyra: So what are you doing? Smash: Y'know, just chillin' on top of the world. Picking diamonds off the clouds, baby. I'd love to pick you one. Tyra: Oh, is that right? Smash: Yeah. Funny. Tim: It's time to go home. Tyra: No, I'm having a conversation. Smash: It's cool, man. Tim: Do yourself a favor, Williams. Shut your face while I talk to my girl here. Smash: Say that again. Tyra: Guys, stop. Smash: C'mon, Rig. Tim: No. Smash: No, Rig, bring that. Say that again. Tim: Been meaning to ask you something. You're all about God, but at the same time, you got the bling right there. Tyra: Guys, seriously! Tim: You're some mouth, aren't you? Pete: We don't want you to go out there and be soft and be scared. Eric: Oh, we're not gonna be soft. Pete: We want you to be aggressive now. Are you going to be able to answer the bell and bring championships back to this town? We wanna win championships. [SCENE_BREAK] WEDNESDAY... FOOTBALL PRACTISE Jason: Now, you guys really want to focus on learning these plays 'cause these are the exact same plays that we run, and if you learn it right here like we all did, you'll have a pretty solid understanding of what's gonna be expected of you once you get to varsity. All right? All: Yes, sir! Little boy: Mr. Street? Jason: Yes, son? Little boy 1: Are you gonna play professional football? Jason: I'm thinkin' about it. Little boy 1: I think you should. I think you should play for the Cowboys. And that you should be better than Roger Staubach, and better than Troy Aikman. Jason: I'm gonna think about it, but I'm gonna go through school first, and we'll see what happens, son. Little boy 2: I think you can be better than Peyton Manning. Jason: Oh, I appreciate that. Let's pray. Little boy 3: Sr. Street, do you think God loves football? Jason: I think that everybody loves football. Little boy 3: Me too. All: Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. HOUSE FOR SALE Eric: It sure is nice. Woman: Mm-hmm, and you saw the room in the bathroom. I am tellin' you, room in the bathroom is what has saved more marriages than Oprah and Dr. Phil combined. It is so peaceful, isn't it? Eric: It is peaceful. Woman: So why don't you have your wife come down and take a look? Eric: Well, I'll tell you, I don't think I have to do that. I think she's gonna like this just fine. Woman: Oh, I'm sure she will. So you gonna make an offer? Hmm? Eric: I'll tell you what... Let's see how we play Friday night, and then we'll be getting back to you. Woman: You're gonna kill 'em, Coach. Eric: I hope so. Woman: Bring 'em hell. RADIO ON AIR Man: I'm just a little concerned about Coach Taylor. He's not been a head coach before. He's not experienced. Uh, you know, he's gonna rely on Street too much. The thing is, is that, he just can't keep on throwing all the time. I mean, this ain't the West Coast, you know? This is Texas football. Sammy: I understand. He's got a running back like Smash Williams. I don't think he's plannin'... CAMP FIRE Tim: Here's how I figure it's gonna work. Correct me if I miss something here, but... I'm cool just hanging out right here, man. You go do your, what? Maybe ten years in the NFL. Say at five mil a year. You give me 1% of every paycheck. Mmm. When it's all said and done, you and me are gonna own ourselves a big old hunting ranch. I'll keep it stocked with some ladies. Lyla: What? Hello? Jason: There's only one little problem, Rigs. I don't want you living on my land. Tim: Yeah, you do. I'm the caretaker, Streeter. Whether you like it or not. Here's to God... And football... And ten years from now, Street. Good friends living large in Texas. Texas forever, Street. Jason: Texas forever. Tim: Yo, everybody, listen up! Let's do it. Let's touch God this time, boys. Let's touch God. FRIDAY... RADIO ON AIR Sammy: The radio 470 AM, and it is on. It is game day, people! And I have never felt this kind of electricity. Not in years. This town of Dillon, Texas is on fire, and I mean really on fire. FOOTBALL GAME Speakers: The Panthers should win this game, there's no question about it. With all the buildup and the hype of this season, and the talent they have on this team... It's that great offensive backfield for Dillon that has everybody's eye. Jason Street, the quarterback, and Smash Williams, the tailback, there's nobody better, probably. Finally got here after a long summer of practice. Lot of expectations on this Dillon Panther ball club. Panthers are the team to beat. Feed the dogs, spit the fire, lock up your daughters. Turn on the radio, sit down, and shut up 'cause it is game time, people! CLOAKROOMS Eric: Gentlemen... There's been a lot of talk about expectation lately. Expectation of what we should be able to do to win. People are expecting. People are expecting quite a bit. I see us winning out there tonight. I have no trouble seeing that. That is not what I'm expecting. I expect you boys to go out there and not take this team lightly because I promise you, they're gonna come at you with everything they've got. I expect you boys to execute. Players: Yes, sir. Eric: I expect you boys to play football. Players: Yes, sir. Eric: Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. Players: Can't lose! Eric: You deserve this, do you understand? Jason: Yes, sir. Eric: You've earned this, the right to win. You put that in your head. Jason: You too, Coach. Expect to win. You've earned that. FOOTBALL GAME Speaker: We are underway. Out on the left side, gets away from one man, breaks another tackle, and gets about a 25-yard gain out to the 40-yard line. It's a great way to start the season. Jason: We got strong left eye, wide flip, 24 counter on one. On one, ready? Players: Huh! Speaker: Let's see what this young superstar's got for us. First chance to see the 6'2", 190-pound quarterback Street,along with Smash Williams, Tim Riggins in the backfield. The hand-off to Williams, he tries that right side.Gets away! Oh, this kid can move! First down, Panthers! By Smash Williams. He bounces it outside,and breaks a tackle. Coach: We got the cornerback. Eric: I want Barracuda 550. Barracuda 550. Speaker: And the hand-off this time to big Tim Riggins, the fullback. Oh, Tim gets ten yards before getting pulled down. You gotta love Tim Riggins when he runs. Jason: It's going back to Manny, 27 stretch, on one. On one, ready? Players: Huh! Speaker: Panthers on a roll, just like we thought they'd be. First and ten at the 35. Street, drops straight back to pass, has Eugene Williams open over the middle. He's there with a touchdown! Touchdown, the first touchdown of the season! So it's Westerby's turn to respond now, after the easy touchdown drive for Dillon. Coy Awnee brings back the kickoff for Westerby, and up the left side, the near side, he gets away, and gets a beautiful run back to the Dillon 40-yard line. And the first down's called, a little bit of misdirection, as they always do, and Campbell bounces it out. And gets away! He's gonna go all the way into the end zone! Westerby scores on its first play from scrimmaging. Wow, we heard about these counters, and man are they fast. What a great misdirection. And it fooled the Panthers. We're already into the second quarter. Westerby's Chaps giving us all we can handle right now. Big block. Tim Riggins. Jason Street brings him out. Takes the step. Drops straight back to pass. Looks left. Finds Tony Golia. He's there. He's got to catch, dives to the cone. Did he get in? Yes, touchdown, Dillon! Westerby Coach: Don't you fall for that! Speaker: That's the sign of a great leader and that's who Jason Street is. Westerby with the first down and ten at the 30-yard line, though. Westerby Coach That's it! Speaker: And Ferguson, one-on-one coverage, is open over the middle. He's got it! Touchdown, Westerby. I'll tell you, Westerby is showing up a lot stronger than anyone thought they would. Coach Taylor has got to do something to get his defense into this game. HALF TIME - Cloakrooms Coach 1: You need to get your head out of your butt and start playing up to your own district potential. 'Cause you ain't doing it now! He's having to help you. Haven't we got one guy coming, he's having to help you?! Coach 2: What are you seeing out there, Street? Jason: Seeing a lot of Texas defense, coach. Coach 2: Texas? Jason: Yes, sir. Our corners are jamming. They're staying out there in the flats. It seems like I'm getting a lot of pressure off the outsides. Coming off the ends like crazy. I can't even see 'em. The safeties are staying pretty deep, so we got a lot of short stuff. More slants and crosses, I think. Coach 2: Play it close to over the top? Jason: We can fade if I can get some time. But they gotta beat that jam off of the line. Plus, I'm getting blitzed like crazy off the weak side. I ain't even see it coming. Coach 1: You are not that good! Coach 2: See what's going on, now. We need some more time. Jason: Coach, they are running the box down on us. Coach 1: We have not been communicating. We're gonna pick it up now. Hey, you guys wanna communicate now?! Players: Yes, sir! Coach 1: We're going into a fistfight! FOOTBALL GAME Speaker: Smash gets the call, tries to go outside. There's nothing there, and he gets thrown for a five-yard loss. Eric: That didn't work. Speaker: They're totally out of sorts here in the second half. Jason: Fellas, this is our field day. Do not push us around! Speaker: Street tries to find Horn over the middle. He gets... And even the passing game's out of sync, K.C. Nothing is working right now. It is really a dangerous time. Westerby blew out that offensive line that time. Eric: 54 Bandit. Jesus, they're fast! Jason: Run your routes. Have faith in your routes. You will catch the ball. It will be there every time, and we will take this down the field. Speaker: Nobody expected Westerby to be giving us this kinda trouble. The Panthers are looking completely outta sync! Westerby right now clearly with the momentum. Eric: Ed, that was horse crud! Arbiter: Watch yourself, Coach. Speaker: You let a team like Westerby stick around long enough, they think they could beat ya. And the give is to Campbell on the counter yet again. And he gets a long way all the way down towards the goal line. He is down at the one yard line. They just seem to have no answer for these counters. Triple stack formation. Fakes once, fakes twice. Gives to Cameron over the top-dives... And he's in the end zone! Touchdown Westerby! The Westerby Chaps lead with six minutes to go. And Coach Taylor and his boys are in deep trouble with time running out. The Panthers cannot believe what's going on. Eric Taylor's gotta do something to figure this thing out. Dillon trying to rally from down ten. A flip pass to Williams. That's another first down. Move the ball! Move the ball! We're gonna come back. Jason: Look at me! Are you ready to play this game? We got strong left, 89 gun, 453 heat on one, on one. Ready, break! Speaker: Third and five on the Panther 38. Eric: Come on now, offense. Let's go! Speaker: Well, they gotta get something going. Down by ten. They need two possessions, and score in those two possessions to win the ballgame. Third and five. And Street looks like he's in command like we've seen him look before. This is a critical play for the Panthers. Player: Hut! Speaker: Street takes the snap. Drops back to pass. Has protection. Throws a wobble. Oh, it's picked off by Chandler. Interception. He's got a good wall in front of him. Down on the left side. Street the only one that might be able to get to him. Fumble on the play. A fumble. The ball is loose! Get the ball! That's a gigantic hit on Street. He's down on the ground. He is down. Eric: Who is that, Street? Coach: That's Street. Eric: Trainer! Lyla: What happened? Speaker: And he's not moving. That was a heckuva hit! When Street met Chandler. And he was the only one that could've stopped him from scoring what would've been a game ending touchdown basically for Westerby. Jason's mom: He's not getting up. Speaker: It's very quiet here in this stadium. Arbiter: Doctor. Jason's mom He's not getting up. Speaker: You know, this is obviously the worst nightmare for a coach and especially for a parent. Well, you know, his entire family of course in the crowd tonight. Even some folks from his family from out of state making the trip. Lyla: Why isn't he getting up? Doctor: Can you hear me? Jason: Yes. Doctor: Okay, I'm gonna check your eyes-Hold on. Lyla: Jason! Jason, get up! Please. Doctor: I think it's a spinal injury. I'm not sure yet. But he has been moving... Can you squeeze my hands for me, buddy? Squeezing! Good, good, good. Can you move your feet for me? Jason: Yes. Doctor: Good, good, good. All right. Should we try to get him on the backboard real quick? Let's keep him steady, guys. Let's keep him steady. Speaker: It looks likthey're gonna have to take him off. In fact, they've got him strapped to the headboard now and they're lifting him up, and they'll put him in the ambulance shortly. Doctor: Just move him sideways slowly. Perfect. You're doing real good there. Real good. Jason: Thank you. Doctor: Okay, we're going up. One, two, three. Okay, we're going up. Speaker: You know, the amazing thing is we got the number one football player in America carted off on a stretcher. But this game has to go on. It has to be finished. And the third string quarterback... no one's seen this guy play... is Matt Saracen. Eric: Saracen ! Speakers: I don't know if he's taken a snap in practice. Well, you can see the look on his face right now. I don't think he ever expected to play in this one. You know, here he is in maybe the biggest game of his life. Yeah, this young man's gonna have to get down to some serious business, because his team needs it. And he's gonna have to communicate with this team and get them back in the game. Arbiter: Coach, I need your captains, please. Eric: Captains! Saracen. Quarterback's captain. Arbiter: Okay, guys. Everybody all right? We have just under three minutes to go. I want you to play hard. I want you to play fair. And I want you to go back and tell your players to keep your heads up. Hit only what you see. Y'all understand? I want you to take that back and tell your guys, all right? Let's finish this thing up with style. Best of luck, guys. Speaker: You gotta be calm in this situation. Don't turn the ball over. Don't do something foolish. Matt: All right, we're going pro right 90. Smash: No, we're going pro left 90. Pro left 90. You know the play, right? Matt: Yeah, okay. We're going pro-pro left 90. 25 blast on one. Ready? Players: Break! Speaker: Matt Saracen, the sophomore, comes out and leads his team to the line of scrimmage to take his first meaningful snap probably in his life. And everybody's looking at young Matt Saracen, who calls the wrong play and gets drilled. He went the wrong way, and he paid the price. Well, you gotta try and get a first down. Landry: Come on, Matt. You can do it! Speaker: Okay, here's Saracen dropping back to pass. And he throws the ball... Oh, man. This kid is shook up. He has hit his own man right in the back of the helmet. That's not the way to instill confidence in your teammates. Eric: Saracen, get over here! Speaker: Panther time-out. Eric: You okay? Breathe. Slow down. I want you to try to read the coverage. You remember how to read the coverage? Matt: Not so well, sir. Eric: Look at me. What you do is you go out there and you look before you throw the ball. You look and see where the defense is and you see where our guys are. You with me? Matt: Yes, sir. Eric: Then you throw the ball to our guys. You got that? Matt: Yes, sir. Eric: Do your best. Go on. Speaker: Coach Taylor has gotta be just thinking about getting out of this game. Matt: We're going pro right, 25 shovel. Smash, this is you. Smash: I got this. Matt: All right, ready? On one. Players: Break! Speaker: Big ol' third down play now for the Panthers. Let's see if Saracen can at least get the snap this time. He's got to do something with this play. Saracen back to pass. A shovel pass to Williams. Goes off the left side. Has some room. Up the field he goes. Hey, that's a pretty good toss. Awesome. Great job. And they needed that play, K.C. All of a sudden, some life on the Panther sideline and in the stands too. Matt: Strong right eye, 28 tango. Ready? On one. Players: Break! Speaker: You can feel the energy picking up a little bit now. Maybe something's starting to happen. Smash: I'm going in. It's all you. Speaker: Saracen at the line of scrimmage. Matt: Hut! Speaker: Takes the snap. Pitches to Smash. He's got some room. He's gonna go all the way. Touchdown! Hey, okay. Just like that. The Panthers are right back in the game. We did it! Now it's all about the clock. They've got less than a minute to go. Coach Taylor's gotta be thinking about an onside kick. Gotta get the good hands,people out there who line up and get that ball. And here's the kick. It is onside. A mad scramble! Westerby misses it! The ball is still loose. A scramble for the ball. Who's got it? It looks like could the Panther ball. Panthers have it! Here we go! All right! Timmy Riggins comes up with the football. Eric: Go right 90, 7-5 high. We got a chance to win this game. Speaker: What a story. Young Matt Saracen bringing his team back into the ballgame. He drops back to pass. No, fakes! He hands off. Statue of Liberty... He'll school you if he's got room. He's gonna have to get out of bounds, and he does! They're gonna have to hurry. It's gonna start as soon as they move those chains. Trying to get the team back on sides. Coach Taylor screaming in plays. It's chaos out there right now. Eric: Towards right! Towards right! Go, go! Snap the ball! Speaker: Rushing to get the play off. Saracen calling for the shotgun. He's back. He's left. He falls. No, he gets up on his feet. Being pursued by two Westerby defenders. Eric: Go, baby! Grandma: Come on, Matthew! Speaker: He eludes a tackle. The clock runs out. He pumps. He steps up. He hurls that football. Oh, man, can this kid throw the ball! He's definitely wide open. He's got it! At the 20... the 10... He's going all the way! Touchdown! Panthers win! Panthers win! Matt Saracen somehow brings this team back to win the football game. How do you do? Coach 1: Congratulations, Coach. Smash: Right now, it's not really about who wins or loses, Father. We just all wanna be with Street right now, God. We know that you work in mysterious ways and we just wanna send our spirit, our presence, our love, just to heal him in whatever way, Lord... whatever might be broken, Lord. Just fix it right now, Father. Jesus, in your name we pray. Amen. Eric: Give all of us gathered here tonight the strength to remember that life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable. And we will all, at some point in our lives... fall. We will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts... that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us... and that when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls. We will now all be tested. It is these times... it is this pain... that allows us to look inside ourselves.	Plan: A: Football; Q: What is life in Dillon? A: Dillon; Q: What town is Eric Taylor from? A: new Head Coach Eric Taylor; Q: Who knows football is life in Dillon, Texas? A: Dillon Panthers; Q: What is the name of the football team that Eric Taylor is coaching? A: no one; Q: Who is prepared for the ways they will be tested in the days to come? Summary: Football is life in the town of Dillon, Texas. No one knows that better than new Head Coach Eric Taylor and his team of Dillon Panthers, but no one is prepared for the ways they will all be tested in the days and weeks to come.
Dwight: [screaming, Phyllis and Dwight wrestling] Got you! Broken arm! Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom! Ha, gonna flip you! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate... because as we all know, the one thing thousand year martial arts do all the time is change. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: How can I pose this to you in a relatable way? You are all members of the Yakuza and you happen to be visiting the Lackawanna trolley museum... and you are attacked by triads... how can you hold them off until your clan arrives? You cannot go wrong with a throat punch [screams, pretends to punch Meredith in the throat] Jim: OK, so there's no defense for that, good to know. Dwight: No, there is a defense for that. Let me demonstrate. Someone attack me. Kevin, go! Kevin: No way. Last time you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace. Dwight: False. I did choke you with your shoelace. Now come at me! Jim: OK, with all due respect to everyone here, I think the most worthy opponent of you is you. Dwight: That is correct. Unless there happened to be measles present. Jim: So let's just say that Dwight has come at you with the throat punch. Now how would you, Dwight, defend against it? Dwight: Easy. Allow me to demonstrate. I am attacking myself with a throat punch. Here it comes. [gives himself a fake throat punch] Block. Grasp wrist as such. [grasps wrist] Jim: And what if he comes at you with the other hand, because he does have two. Dwight: Good point. Second, throat punch, absorb the blow. [gives himself another throat punch and proceeds to both attack and defend himself] Groin punch, hip block, elbow to the gut. Uh oh, up to the nose. No, you're not. Ow! Oh! Jim: Oh my God, he's making you look like such a fool. Dwight: He really is, but not for long. [steps on foot] Ow! Instep, oh, not again. [more screaming] You let go, you let go. Oh, you're right, I can't hold on. Jim: You two are so evenly matched I don't know how one of you is going to get the upper hand. Dwight: The important thing to remember Jim... we always have what is called the element of surprise. [hits himself in the groin and moans] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: But I would say my favorite art form is a tie between sculpting and stand up comedy. Andy: I did stand up comedy once. Michael: You did? Andy: Yeah, I killed. Michael: That sounds like it was hilarious. Andy: It was hilarious. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael? Michael: Yes? Dwight: What is the meaning of this email that everyone got? Michael: You'll have to be more specific Dwight, I get like eight emails a day. Dwight: This one, from David Wallace to all Dunder Mifflin. Michael: Woo hoo, shout out! Dwight: Hello everyone I am sure you have seen the item in the Journal. I just want to stress that it's all conjecture. If there's any concrete news you will know ASAP. Michael: Erin, do we have the journal? Erin: Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule. Michael: Did you? Pam: Michael, he means the Wall Street Journal online. Michael: Oh, the Wall. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I found the article. [everyone walks over to his desk, he begins reading the article] "On a day marked by panicked corporate board meetings, one that is relatively not surprising is Dunder Mifflin's. It is rumored that they will recommend... " and the article cuts off. Michael: It's $1.99 to finish the article. I wonder what it was going to say? [no one makes a move to pay for the article] Jim: Are you serious? [starts typing on the computer and Andy begins to lean in toward the computer] Andy: I got it, I got it... Oh, Tuna beat me to it. Phyllis: "It is rumored that they will recommend declaring bankruptcy." Michael: No, no, that doesn't make any sense. Stanley: Oh lord, we're all gonna lose our jobs. Oscar: Not necessarily, bankruptcy could mean a lot of things. Maybe they're just restructuring to get out of debt. Michael: Oh, that sounds awful. Oscar: Or it could mean the end of Dunder Mifflin. Michael: Oh God. Well, that's an interesting theory. Dwight: You know what? You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. It doesn't pay much and you can't unionize. [SCENE_BREAK] David Wallace's Secretary: I'm sorry, Michael, David's in a meeting. Michael: Ah, well maybe you should spy on him. [in Valley Girl voice] Oh my God, wouldn't that be hilarious! [laughs] David Wallace's Secretary: Um, I'll just have him call you back. Michael: OK, OK. Good. I'll catch you on the flippity flip. Bye. [hangs up phone] He's busy, he'll call me back when he's free. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [retching sounds coming from the men's bathroom, Kevin walks to the door and goes in] Michael, are you OK? Did you throw up in there? Michael: No, I'm just poopin'. You know how I be. Kevin: It smells like throw up in here. Michael: Crazy world. Lotta smells. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: [in lunch room with several coworkers] Guys, what if this is our last day at work? What if we never see each other ever again? [Andy scoffs and looks over at Erin, Erin looks sad] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I like Erin. There, I said it. I was kinda hoping she would ask me out, but things have not panned out on that front, so... it is time for the Nard Dog to take matters into his own paws. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Michael in his office playing music loudly, Jim walks in and turns the volume down, Michael trailing off on singing] We have to do something because people are losing it out there wondering what's going to happen. Michael: OK, we need some sort of distraction for everybody. Anything new on YouTube? Doesn't even need to be good. Oh God, I can't think, need more Mullins. Jim: Listen, Wallace said these were just rumors, right? So we have no reason to think the company is anything but fine. So if we just go on with our work, you and me, they'll follow along. Michael: Monkey see, monkey do. Jim: That's it. Michael: Monkey pee all over you. Jim: That rhymes, so what have we on the docket today? Michael: We have a monthly staff meeting Jim: Alright, let's conference room it up! [everyone is now in the conference room] Here's the deal guys. There is no new information as of yet, so I suggest we all just keep working. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Sure I'm a little nervous, but doing our work will make us feel better. I only slack off when things are good. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Customers have to use the coupon code from the website. And as of now there is no differentiation between the letter O and the zero, but we are working on that. Stay tuned for that. Dwight: [Michael leaves] He needs me. Seat saved infinity. [leaves] Jim: OK, great. Michael: [walks back in, on cell phone] What? Oh my God! [everyone starts asking questions] There has been a murder. There's been a murder in Savannah. [runs back to his office] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Games have the power to distract people from stressful situations. Battleship got me through my parents' divorce. Operation got me through my vasectomy, i.e., my operation. I don't think I would have been able to endure my breakup with Holly had it not been for Toss Across. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: [reading the game box cover] Belles, Bourbon and Bullets, a murder mystery dinner party game. Michael: It is so much fun. Everybody plays a character, we go around the room, we try to figure out who did it... Jim: Hey, I am wondering if this is a, uh, terrible idea. Michael: This is my call Jim, big picture stuff, it's about murder. Jim: I thought we agreed that we wouldn't do things like this. Michael: Tube City, you owe me one. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them. He was going to call it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one. [SCENE_BREAK] Voice on CD player: August the 5th, 1955. It's a sad day down here in Savannah. Local magnate Bill Bourbon was killed last night and all y'all have congregated tonight for a meal to celebrate Bill as he passes on to his great reward. You're not just here to pay your respects, you have to figure out which of y'all is the no-count scoundrel who killed him. Stanley: This is ridiculous. [gets up to leave, as does Angela] Michael: There will be food. You leave, you do not get food. Stanley: What kind of food? Michael: Sandwich platters. Stanley: I'm in. [sits back down] Michael: Baby carrots. [Angela sits back down] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: OK, here are your character cards. Take one, pass it down. Here is your prop box, some of your characters will have props. Now, on your character card, it tells you who you are, and what your alibi is. Everything else is up to your imagination. So, if you talk slowly in real life, your character could, say, have been kicked in the head by a horse. Kevin: Whoa, I'll try it. Michael: OK, use your imaginations. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Who'd you get? Erin: Naughty Nellie Nutmeg, a vivacious young socialite with a penchant for scandal. Andy: Oooooo, saucy. Erin: How about you? Andy: Nathaniel Nutmeg, the local bartender and Nellie's brother. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Michael, I don't like this game. It's scary. Michael: It's not scary. Angela: I don't like my character. Pam: Who are you? Angela: Voodoo Mama Juju, the witch doctor of the Savannah swamps. I'm not comfortable with this. [holds up a head] Michael: Well how do you think I feel? I mean I have to play Caleb Crawdad, handsome playboy. Every night, a different woman. Being oogled. Having to hug and kiss and spoon, I make them feel beautiful. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [looks at Oscar who is using his phone, grabs it] Well, well, well. What is this contraption, I do declare? Oscar: It's my blackberry Michael, I am trying to get updates on the company. Michael: Who's Michael? I'm Caleb Crawdad, I do declare. Ryan: You don't have to keep saying "I do declare". Any time you say something it means you are declaring. Michael: That is the way Southern people talk. Jim: And what Designing Woman are you basing that on? Michael: Delta Burke, I do declare. Now, shall we get to the mystery? Pam: I'll go. [stands up, begins speaking with a southern accent] My name is Deborah U. Tante. Deb for short. Andy: That's clever, Debutante. Pam: Bill Bourbon was my uncle. I would have never hurt him any more than I'd hurt a June bug. Meredith: Nice accent. You sound like Forrest Gump. Pam: I do not. Andy: Well, you do actually. You've got this kinda like Florida Panhandle thing going, whereas what you really want is more of a Savannah accent, which is more like molasses just sorta spillin' out of your mouth. Kevin: Oooo, now do the Swedish chef. Andy: Uh, not familiar, what province is he from? Kevin: He lives on Sesame Street, dumbass. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: You know, I think I'm supposed to say something to Pam, I mean, Deb, OK? [in character] I overheard you asking the butler where the pistol was kept. Dwight: Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm the butler. You were listening in on that? You rich people. You think you can do whatever you want to the servant class! Michael: No, no, no. Don't turn this into a political thing. Dwight: I will poison your food. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I reckon I got something to say to Miss Beatrix Bourbon, if'n she don't mind. Michael: Oooooo, doggie, we got a party now! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I do believe that the game is a big hit. People are really diving into their characters. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Y'all. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [Creed pulls into the parking lot and goes into the office] Sorry I'm late, boss. What's going on? Michael: [accent] Sir, there has been a murder, and you are a suspect. Creed: OK. Hang on just a second. Let me just settle in and I'll be right back. Michael: Very good, very good. Now, no one was there in the wine cellar. [Creed gets in his car and drives away] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [in character] Hey there young lady. Erin: Hello. Andy: I would be remiss if I did not ask the pretty young lady out on a date for this weekend. Erin: Sounds like a plan, Sugar. Andy: Alright, a plan it is. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Voodoo Mama Juju, explain your dalliance with the Dark Arts. Angela: It's not my fault, I was exposed to Harry Potter. Dwight: I know you did it! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I know she didn't do it. It's never the person you most suspect. It's also never the person you least suspect, since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most. Therefore I know the killer to be Phyllis, AKA Beatrix Bourbon, the person I most medium suspect. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [in character] Do you want to go out on a date with me? We can make out by the horses. Erin: Well, you know ol' Nellie's always up for a romp in the hay. Meredith: How about a threesome? Erin: Yeah, my boudoir's always open. Kevin: Nice. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I'm a little worried I might have asked out Naughty Nellie and not Erin. Which would be a whole lot less appealing, because Naughty Nellie says yes to everyone. And she might be a murderer. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I just got an email from corporate, specifically for Accounting to stop all payments to our vendors. Phyllis: What does that mean? Oscar: Well, maybe nothing but it could mean a problem with liquidity- Michael: [accent] Whoa. What's this strange Yankee accent coming out of your mouth, son? This here's Savannah. Oscar: [tries to speak in a high-pitched southern accent] This plantation, we're running low on greenbacks. We're having problems paying the people who give us the seeds and the dirt. We can't pay... [in regular voice] - Michael, I can't - Basically it could mean a lot of things, but it is unprecedented, so it's cause for concern. Jim: OK, I'm going back to work. Michael: No no no no no no no. [accent] I'm going to skip forward to a relevant clue. Here we go. [SCENE_BREAK] Voice on CD player: Well by now you've figured out that ol' Beatrix Bourbon was the killer. Phyllis: Michael, I was doing so well. Michael: [accent] Are you going to believe that? That is a mis- that's a misdirection. We still don't know who the murderer is. [everyone leaves] Nellie Nutmeg, come back in here. I can't do this myself. Voodoo Mama Juju... what am I gonna do? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: OK, so Corporate is still in their meeting. Kevin: That could be a good sign. Angela: Hey everyone, Kevin's going to give us his take on the situation. Let's listen up. Jim: Alright guys, it's a work day and you guys work here, so let's go do some work. Kevin: Now, Jim telling us all to work? I think that is a very good sign. Angela: Don't just say things. Jim: [Michael walks in] Oh, hey, Michael. Listen, I brought up those sales targets. Do you want to- Michael: [accent] I do believe you have me mistaken, my name is Caleb Crawdad. Y'all skedaddled way too soon. We need to reopen this case. Jim: No, you're not reopening the case. The case is closed. Michael: No it ain't. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Frankly, I'm not surprised. A lot of the evidence seemed to be based on puns. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Just thinking about Weekend at Bernie's. It's funny, the guy's dead the whole time. Erin: I haven't seen it. Andy: Speaking of weekends, you excited about our date this weekend? Erin: [accent] Of course, Nathaniel. Andy: Yeah, OK. Erin: [accent] Where are you taking me? Andy: [accent] Well, finest steakhouse in all Savannah. Erin: [accent] Savannah? That's a far way from Scranton. Andy: Did you mean a real date? Erin: No. [laughs] Did you? Andy: Totally... not. [Erin gets up and walks away] [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I thought it was for real. So I was excited, but it was just, it was part of the game. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: You're sure it was water, it couldn't have been acid? Michael: I already declared you, it was too dark to tell. Dwight: Stop playing games with me, Crawdad. Michael: This is not a game, this is my life. You are out of order, sir. Dwight: Answer me. Michael: You are out of order. Dwight: You are out of order. Michael: You are- [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I think Michael may have snapped. Jim: Or maybe he's just stuck in character. Pam: Well, which is worse? Snapped or stuck? Jim: Both. They're both worse. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: It's going to be alright. We're a good company, we'll figure this out. We're not going under. Pam: Jim, what if we both lose our jobs? I'm trying to think of a way that this all ends up fine, and I can't think of one. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [comes into Jim's office using accent] Deb, what in the world - do you have the vapors? Jim: Michael, not now. Michael: Can't wait, we have to get you to our witch doctor right now. Come on. Come on. Pam: I should just go. [accent] Where to now Caleb? Michael: To Mama Juju Boo Boo. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Michael, can I... OK, I'm just going to skip right past the what and go with why. Michael: Because this is the recreation of a crime scene. Meredith: [laying on the ground] I'm the dead body and these are my brain chunks. Dwight: Hey shut up. You're dead. Jim: Michael, can I talk to you in your office? Michael: No Michael here, my name is- Jim: Caleb! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Today of all days... Michael: No, you shut up. They need this game, Jim. Let us have this stupid little game, alright? [Jim nods] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [accent] Oh, you startled me. My stars, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. What can I do you for? Erin: Wallace is on the phone. He's returning your call. Michael: Detective Wallace? Erin: I don't think so. I think it's David Wallace from Dunder Mifflin. Michael: Aw, shucks, tell him I'm not here. Oscar: You're not gonna answer the phone? Michael: No, I only answer to Detective Wallace 'cause I got a warm body in the other room. Jim: I'll take it. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey David. David: Hey, sorry to be getting back to you guys so late. Things are still a bit unclear, we didn't officially decide anything yet. Jim: Oh, OK. David: But if I can be candid with you here Jim, it's not good. We fully expect to be out of money by the end of the year. Insolvent. So, well... You know what? I'm sorry, I have to run. But we will talk soon, OK? Jim: Sure. Oh, you know, while I have you... today I was working on this pitch for a supermarket chain, and it would actually be a big account and I wanted to- David: You know what? I can't really get my head around anything like that right now, but that's great. Keep after it, but I gotta run. Jim: OK. David: Thanks Jim. Jim: See ya. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Jim comes out of the office] What's the news? Jim: Nothing yet. Phyllis: Well, I guess that's not- Jim: Well there is some bad news. [accent] There has been another murder. Michael: A murder, you say? I do declare. Jim: Conference room everyone. Stanley: Do we have to play? Jim: No. Stanley: Super. Dwight: Oh, this could be a juicy one. Michael: Get in there! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I think today was a good day to have two managers. 'Cause if you're a family stuck on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, one parent might want to just keep rowing. But if the other parent wants to play a game, it's not because they're crazy. It's because they're doing it for the kids. And I get that now. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: There has been a lot of murder and a lot of intrigue. My little heart can barely take it no more. [regular voice] Today is the hardest I have worked in a long, long time. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [Andy, Michael, and Dwight are pointing imaginary guns at each other] I didn't do it! Dwight: OK, everybody just calm down. Andy: I am calm. Michael: On the count of three we're all going to put down our guns. Dwight: I have crossbows. Michael: We'll put down our weaponry on the count of three, you ready? Dwight: OK, I'm ready. Michael: One, two, three.. [all scream] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Andy revealed himself to be a double agent. At which point Dwight felt comfortable revealing that he also was double agent. And then Michael announced to everybody that - get this- he was a double agent. Oh, and it is 6:00. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Michael, Dwight, Andy and now Pam are in the circle and training their 'weapons' on each other, Jim walks in] Really? Pam: [accent] It wasn't me. I'm not goin' down for this! Jim: Yeah, I want to go home. Pam: Get the keys out of my purse, start the car. [Jim and Pam slowly back out of the office, Pam has her weapon trained on everyone and then they run out]	Plan: A: The Dunder Mifflin staff; Q: Who is troubled by renewed rumors of insolvency? A: Michael; Q: Who forces the office into a day of diversions? A: a murder mystery role-playing game; Q: What game does Michael force the office to play? A: Erin; Q: Who does Andy try to court? Summary: The Dunder Mifflin staff are troubled by renewed rumors of insolvency. Michael forces the office into a day of diversions, primarily playing a murder mystery role-playing game . Andy awkwardly attempts to court Erin.
[Dancing, dancing, dancing boys. Mostly naked dancing boys. Justin lets someone shove a dollar bill into his mouth. Staring at Justin from the bar are Brian, Emmett, Michael, and Ted.] Michael: From high-school senior to go-go dancer in less than a year, it's gotta be a record. Ted: Another success story from father Brian Kinney's home for runaway boys. Emmett: And to think some people say he's doesn't make a good role model. Ted: If I were Brian, I'd go crazy all of those boys paw my boyfriend. Brian: [appear suddenly] I knew it must be true what they've said about music that demage your ear drums. I swear I heard you'd said if you were me? Michael: C'mon, it gotta bother you a little bit. Everybody knows the only way you get to dance on the bar is if you left the boss blow you. Brian: It's business. Emmett: Getting head to get a head? Brian: He's earning an honest living and not taking any handouts. [Justin walks over.] Justin: Check out how much money I make. Brian: It's enough for the school. Michael: Shouldn't the child didn't be home in bed? Brian: It's a good idea. Justin: I can't. I have to work until 2 AM. Emmett: But sweety, you already look exhausted. Are you gonna keep it up? Ted: Especially at home. Justin: Don't worry. [He's start making out with Brian. Gary comes up.] Gary: I'm not paying you to make out with your boyfriend. Justin: I'm on a break. Gary: Break's over. Brian: Relax. He's just keeping your customers happy. Gary: It's business, Kinney. And that's not yours. [Gary pulls Justin back into the crowd, rubbing Justin's head the entire time.] Ted: What an asshole. [Gary feeds Justin's nose some coke as Brian watches.] [Stable. George guards Emmett in the stable.] Emmett: Oh, did I ever mentioned that I have an irrational fear of any physical activity that doesn't take place in bed? George: It's just backride. Don't be so sissy. Emmett: Any other impossible requests? George: Where is your sense of adventure? Emmett: Right back in the cosy warm bed that I called out of to freeze my precious buns off to be with here with you. George: Well, it's time you tried something daring, something new. Emmett: Yeah, I'm perfectly happy with me boring little life right here in Pittsburgh. George: Aren't you will travel? Go around the world? Emmett: I believe we had this in bed last night. George: I mean for real. When you are a little boy growing up in Haselhorst what did you're dreamed of? Emmett: Getting out. What else? George: What did you doin'? Emmett: Well, Bluezy. It was the nearest airport. George: And after that? Emmett: I don't know. New York, Paris, Rome. Any place Audrey Hepburn never made a movie. And where the guys weren't sh1t kickers kicking the sh1t out of me. But I only got as far as Pittsburgh. George: Well now you can go anywhere you want. The world is yours. And so is mine. Just say a word. Emmett: The world is... mine. [Liberty Diner. Ted, Emmett, Ben and Michael are sitting on a table.] Michael: Around the world? The entire world? Emmett: Yeah, Bora Bora, the Himalaya, the Serengeti. George say we could go for six months. A year. Ted: A trip like that isn't just a vacation, it's a life experience. Ben: There are so many place I'd love to go. Michael: Like where? Ben: China, Japan. Tibet for meditation. Ted: I wanna go to Berlin, Amsterdam, Prague. Ben: Great art, great history. Ted: Great men. Debbie: You don't have to leave Liberty Avenue for international cuisine. French toast, Belgian waffle, and a Spanish omelette for our little yet-setter. [She's brought everybody's food except Ben's.] Ben: Oh, Debbie. Debbie: Yes, Ben?! Ben: Sorry, but what is with me breakfast? Debbie: Workin' on it. I have just so many hands. Michael: It's just a crap. You always gets served last and when it's arrived it's cold. Ben: Yeah, but I orders cereal. [Michael gets up to talk to his mom.] Michael: Ma! Debbie: Yes, sweety? Michael: What's goin' on, Ma? Debbie: With what? Michael: With what? About your way to torture Ben. Debbie: Michael, it doesn't hop to when he order cereals. Michael: It's more than that. You never say hello, you barely speak to him unless you have to... Debbie: But forgive me if I'm not sitting down and chatting with him about current dance and a cup of tea. I have to be very busy. Weren't you noticed? Now, if you excuse me. I've got to get somebody his breakfast for Champions. [Brian's loft. The alarm is going off; the clock says it's nine.] Brian: Good morning, sunshine! [Brian's already dressed for work. Justin wrap himself with a blanket.] I thought you had a class. Justin: I ditched it. Brian: How you supposed to be doin your best work when you've up all night fcking around? Justin: I'm taking lessons from you. And I'm not fcking around, I'm working. Brian: Yeah, I saw your work. Your boss give you a line of coke. How do you supposed to putting yourself to school when you're geting so ham that you can't make it through the class. Justin: $410 in one night. Brian: For your tuition you don't have to worry about when they kick you out. Justin: You sound like my father. fck off. [Brian starts the alarm clock up again. He takes the blanket off Justin's body. Justin covers his head with a pillow as Brian leaves.] [Diner. Debbie's happily chalking some specials on the chalkboard, popping her gum and smiling. Officer Horwarth comes in.] Debbie: Break the case? Det.Horvath: Nah, nothing yet. Debbie: So, what do you doin' here? Det.Horvath: It's a diner, isn't it? It's lunch time, isn't it? Debbie: It's a little early, isn't it? So, what'll be? Det.Horvath: Meatloaf sandwhich, beside fries. And you be with me goin' out tomorrow night. Debbie: Yeah, the last item is not on the menu. Det.Horvath: I though we could go out for a fancy coffee. You know, mocha frappulatte whatever the hell they called. Debbie: Yeah, considering how much they step by poor like Busman's holiday. Det.Horvath: But I would like to go out with you for a change. Debbie: No thanks. Det.Horvath: Was it no thanks not tomorrow or no thanks not ever? Debbie: Just, no thanks. Hey, Horvath? You want some lemon bar for the road? Det.Horvath: No thanks. [Ted's farewell party to Fetch. Emmett's giving one last jerk-off to the world. Everyone from work is watching him stroke himself. Emmett pops just as Ted pops some champagne. Everyone's applauding and everybody's there.] Ted: To Fetch Dixon, our big, big star. You're hard act to follow. Emmett: I don't now what to say... Ted: Good, then let's have some kick. Emmett: However, even know I'm retiring from the buissiness I will always be grateful for my experience here and for Fetch Dixon... Man#1: You're an inspiration to us all. Emmett: An inspiration, wow, it's just lucky. The same thing could happen to you. You never know who's out there and watching, so never give up hope. One day your prince will come. Brian: While Ted makes $19.95 for the first fifteen minutes. Emmett: Oh, presents. [Justin tries not to fall asleep.] Brian: Working tonight? Justin: Mmmh, 9 PM to 2 AM. Brian: You can hardly keep your head up. Justin: I'll be alright. Brian: I'm sure Gary will make sure your fine. [Justin gives him a look. Emmett holds up a product that's not called Dramamine] Emmett: Dramamine. Michael: It's for emotion singles. Ted: And you'll take care of the sx." I don't get it. Brian: Don't want me to give you the money, I loaned it to you. Justin: I don't need your handouts. Brian: It's not a handout, when you graduate you can pay me back. Justin: No, thanks. Brian: Why you are such a twat? Justin: I'm not being a twat. I trying to look after myself. It's all I want for me. Emmett: Dictionary of foreign phrases. Ted: Now you can say "fck me faster" in Farsi. Justin: You once told me that you want me to be the best homosexual I could possibly be. That doesn't include BMI. Brian: Sometimes a man has to learn to accept help. Emmett: "Here is a sexy underwear for your trip." [the box is empty] It's empty. [all laughs] Ted: Exactly. [Ted and Emmett clutch and hug for a long time. Then they tackle each other onto the come bed.] [Debbie's house. Vic's reading the Personals section of the newspaper.] Vic: White men, late forties looking for a fellow men. Pill me a grabe and I'll pill yours." Debbie: Sounds perfect. Vic: "HIV-negative only need apply." Debbie: You find the right guy someday. Vic: At my age, it'd better be someday soon. Debbie: I don't want to hear that drap about your age. Emmett and George are happy. It only proves that love is possible no matter how old you are. Vic: So what's your excuse? Debbie: I doesn't have an excuse. Nor do I need one. Someone ask me out today. Vic: You? Debbie: Yes, me! Vic: What I mean is, you live with fags. You work with fags. You haven't seen a straight man in years. Debbie: What do you call this Detective? Vic: The one who investigate in this case. He ask you? Debbie: No, one other. Vic: Holy sh1t. So, when you're goin'? Debbie: I'm not. Vic: You turned him down? Debbie: He's not my type. Vic: He's alive and he's got a dick. What more do you need? Debbie: Someone who's not a homophobe? Vic: Because he make a couple of craps? That doesn't mean he is a fag hater just means he needs enlightening. Debbie: So, you go out with him. Vic: You're more his type. How long it's been since you've been on a date. Debbie: How the fck do I know? 1992. Vic: It must be so rusty it squeaks. Debbie: I've been busy. Vic: Do one what? Debbie: Takin' care of you. Vic: So, what's your excuse now? Debbie: I already turned him down. Vic: You're a women. Someone is out of practise. But you allowed to change your mind. [Vic hands Debbie the phone.] Vic: Go on. Just say yes! [Debbie stares at the phone as we listen to the dial tone.] [Emmet's flat. Close-up on bed springs creaking and jumping] Emmett: Harder! [Emmett and Michael clothed and shutting a suitcase.] Emmett: Whew. I think I got all in there. Michael: That's it. Emmett: And now that I'm gone then you'll have the place all by yourself. You can hump and bump make made, passionally love with the top of your lungs without me who listen through the walls. [There's a horn honking outside.] Michael: It's the limo. Emmett: C'mon up, Georgy! Got remember me not being such a shop girl. Or embarrass him worldwide. Michael: Why would you embarrass him? Emmett: Well, George is what we called refined. I and used to call a piece of trash. Someone like him would never assiciate with someone like me. [Michael and Emmett struggle with Emmett's many, many bags.] Michael: Look, you're not in Haselhorst anymore. And George doesn't feel like that way. Emmett: I know. It's just more than I ever dreamed. Michael: You deserves a fabulous life, Em, as fabulous as you. [Knock at the door. It's George and his driver. George's decked out in the leather.] Emmett: Well, hello dream date. George: Have you packed? Oh, let me re-phrase that. Is there anything you haven't packed? Michael: Have a great trip. George: Thanks Michael. Driver: I'll take that, sir. Emmett: Well, I guess that's it. Make sure you told the assholes to fix the radiator. Oh, make sure you repains in spring? It's a promosing for two years. [both always cries.] OK. [they hug each other] I'm really gonna miss you. George: You know, I hate to interrupt this but we got a plain to catch. Emmett: I'll send you postcards from Rio and Beijing. Bye. Michael: Bye. [Babylon.] Justin: It's just for the weekend, so that I could finished the project. Gary: You don't understand something. This isn't a party, this is business. I need to contender that my employees that they do their jobs... Justin: If I don't my professor said he's gonna fire me. Gary: I feel for you, kiddie, really do. Justin: Gary. Gary: I tell you what. Just as ones I let you off. Justin: Thanks. Gary. Gary: But... I want you do me a little favor. [Brian's loft. Justin's working at drawing. Brian leans in and kisses him. He takes a look at something Justin's printed out.] Brian: That's not bad. Justin: Thanks. Brian: Well, where we could hang it? Justin: Really? Brian: Then you can tell everybody you're hung. Justin: I already do. Brian: How you got the night off? Justin: I told the boss I had to finished the project. Brian: It's that easy? Justin: Mmmh, mmh. Totally. [Brian stands up to light his cigarette] Justin: In fact he said I can have the whole weekend if I does a gig at an after-hours party at his house. Brian: For what? Justin: He needs a pretty boy there for decoration. Brian: Who else would be there? Justin: Should I know? His friends? Brian: I can imagine what his friends are. I guess who's party he has. Justin: You don't know. Brian: How you got to dance on the bar? Justin: I let him blow me. Big deal. Brian: I'll give you five thousand dollars. Justin: For what? Brian: For the drawing. Justin: It's not for sale. Brian: No. Just you. [Debbie's house. Mel and Lindsay dress Debbie for her date.] Mel: Don't open your eyes. I do mascara. Debbie: I don't know about the Fussies about Horwarth. He knows how I look like. Lindsay: It's not for Horwarth, it's for you. Debbie: I know who I look like to. Mel: OK, ready? Open it. [They hold a mirror in front of her face.] Debbie: Holy sh1t. I look nice. Lindsay: Nice over nice. You look like a princess. Debbie: Well, it's better'n lookin' like the Queen Mother! [The doorbell rings. She takes the gum out of her mouth.] Debbie: Christ, must be him. Lindsay: Don't be nervous. Debbie: I'm not nervous. I have everything under control. Mel: Oh, the front door is that way. Debbie: Oh, yeah. [Debbie answers the door.] Debbie: Hi. Det.Horwarth: You look... You look like... Debbie: Are the word you're searching for like a princess? [SCENE_BREAK] [Michael and Vic are walking down the street.] Michael: Ben's so working on his book so I figured I come down here to dinner with you and mom. Vic: You choose between his and you, forget it. She's dugger high heels. Michael: I do want to try. Vic: Not tonight. She's got a date. Michael: With a men? Vic: Of course with a men. Why should she be any different from us? [Michael turns around and finally notices that his mother is just a few feet away, chattering with Whorebed.] Michael: Is that him? The Detective? Vic: Is the Detective not sexy? Michael: But she said he's a real homophobe. Debbie: Hi sweetheart. Carl, you remember my son Michael? Det.Horvath: Sure. Debbie: And my brother, Vic. Det.Horvath: Vic. Vic: Hi. Det.Horvath: Michael, how you're doin'? Michael: [cool] Fine. Debbie: Well, we're off. [Carl opens the car door for Debbie. Michael stomps into the house, brooding.] [Airplane. First Class. Emmett orders everything he can from the flight attendant.] Emmett: I have some of the brie, please and uh, oh the chocolate and the apple. And please don't niggardly with the champagne. George: You're eating since we took off. Emmett: Well, it's my first time in first class. I wanna get sure you get your money's worth. [They clink champagne glasses.] Emmett: Listen. George: What? Emmett: If you very quiet you can almost hear the moos. George: Who? Emmett: The cattle back in Coach. You know, I used to be one of the herd, but now I'm on the other side of the curtain. It's a whole new world. George: From now on, I hope the world will be a whole new world. Emmett: It will be. 'Cause I'm with you. George: Do you find it would be too tedious to tell you how marvelous you are. And how much it's mean to me. Emmett: I would try to endure. George: Nobody has ever given me such pleasure before, and I can't wait to make love in every destination. Emmett: I wonder if there is a three thousand glory hole? George: I wish we could do it right now. Emmett: Why not? You haven't heard that there's such a thing as a Mile-High Club. You will go to the boys room first, then when no-one's looking I slip in. [The rest he tells George in a whisper.] George: OK. [He unbuckles his seat belt, and walks off. Emmett waits long enough for an exhale before he's following George. Emmett enters the bathroom behind George. They giggle as they shut the bathroom door and mark it "Occupied." [Lobsters. Fancy dinner.] Debbie: Are you married or have children? Carl: Yeah, two. Son Carl's, jr. He's in the air force. He is station in Germany. Here is a cup of his little ones. Debbie: Very nice. Carl: Here my daughter Vickie, named after her mother late soul. She is in Salt Lake and is a music teacher. Debbie: Married? Carl: Uh-huh, to a black guy. Debbie: Oh? Carl: Don't get the wrong idea. Debbie: Did you hear me say a word? Carl: He is nice enough. He is a lawyer, successful. Debbie: But you don't like it. Carl: I'm working on. Debbie: I bet you are. Carl: You had enough there? Debbie: [sucks on a feeler] Mmmh, plenty. Carl: I just don't get why she make her life more difficult. I tried talking to her. Debbie: Yeah, but you can't dictate to your kids about how to live their live or who they love. The more you do, the worser gets. Carl: Sounds like we're talking about personal experience here. Debbie: My son's seeing someone who's HIV-positive. Carl: Holy sh1t. Debbie: That's what I said. I tried talking to him and but his head off. Carl: I guess it's like you said. None of our business. Debbie: I'm worried to, for my kid's life. Carl: And them pretty one. Debbie: Don't try to speak sweet talking to me. Carl: Well, don't you take a compliment? Debbie: Since it's so long I had one I wouldn't know what to do with it. Carl: You save one like this. [He take the lobster until it's soaked all over Debbie's chin and Carl has to clean her up.] [Emmett's getting fcked in the world's largest airplane bathroom. He's got his head slammed up against a wall as George ramming him from behind.] George: Oh, it's tighten' here. Emmett: Thank you. [They're fcking and it looks like George's either having an orgasm or an aneurysm.] LA: Ladies and gentlemen, we're goin to turbulence... Emmett: [to George] Them to? LA: The captain turn on the overhead seatbells. Please take place on your seats. Emmett: [to George] Sorry, my seats takin'. [George doesn't look like he's doing so well. His face is all contorted and he's gasping. George starts wailing, grunting, and groaning.] Emmett: Ssssh, the stewart hearing us. [George screams in pain.] Emmett: Sounds like a good one. You alright, George? [silence.] George? - George? [Emmett realizes he's got a dead guy on his tail.] Emmett: Oh my god... George. Somebody help us! George! SOMEBODY...US PLEASE! [Debbie comes home happy as hell and a little drunk. Mikey's sitting on the couch, watching her.] Debbie: Well, do you know? You waiting for me? Michael: It's after midnight. Debbie: Gotta grounded. Michael: You're drunk. Debbie: Only a couple of glasses wine and I had a very nice time. In case you're interested. Michael: With that homophobic prick? Debbie: He's not a homophobic prick. Michael: OK, so now what is he? Debbie: He's a fifty-five-year-old straight guy with fifty-five-year-old straight-guy attitudes who needs his eyes opened. Michael: He's not the only one. For free meal and a little more attention you're willing to overlook all you believin'? Debbie: You don't know him, Michael. Michael: Either do you. Debbie: Well, I'd like to. Well, if you can follow you're own advice that you seein' Ben. And mind your own fckin' business! [he starts to leave] You know, I tried all my years that I raised you and looking for Uncle Vic and never takin' a minute for myself. And now, for the first time a guy ask me out and I can't even remember how long and you have a problem, instead being happy for me! Michael: Happy for you so being desperate you go out with anyone? [Debbie slaps Mikey across the face. He leaves.] [Bar. Drugs. Green light. Justin's at his after-hours party. People leer at Justin as the music behind him sings, "Everyone's a prostitute." sx. Drugs. People touch Justin as he walks.] Boy#1: Cool place, huh? Justin: Yeah. Cool. [He's quickly taken away to be fondled by party-goers. Gary walks up.] Gary: You want one? Justin: No, thanks. Gary: C'mon, listen up and relax. [Justin take it.] Gary: Take your shirt off. Justin: What for? Gary: That's why you're here, remember? Justin: Decoration. Gary: That was the deal. [Justin take his shirt off.] That's better. Man#1: You're little friend seems to need a little drink. We've offer him one. Gary: Later. Let's go and chin. [Justin watches another fucked-up kid get slipped a roofie. Justin keeps smoking the joint.] [Another bar.] Ted: Michael's got Ben, you got Justin... and Emmett has George for Christ sakes. How come everyone has someone beside me? Brian: The reason you don't have a boyfriend because you don't want one. Ted: I know. Brian: I had one. You challenge the world to be the yourself as the worthless sack of sh1t that nobody wants. Therefore you have guys who will reject you like a highschool bitch. In fact you got exactly what you want. Ted: Thank you Dr.Kinney, you save for me years of therapy, not to mention several thousand dollars. [Michael storms in.] Michael: She hit me! My mother fcking hit me. Ted: She's always hitting you. Brian: Sounds like she shows her affection. Michael: I mean for real. Brian: What did Mikey do? Michael: I don't want talk about it. [Ted counts to three and points to Michael, who spills the story right away.] Michael: I told here that she was pathetic for dating that fag-hating cop. Ted: She might have to take her honorary queer button away. Michael: Were all her values and principles? Brian: You know, when you want cock, they're the first things to go. C'mon, let's go out of here. [Mikey's driving the drunk tank.] Brian: Mikey is jealous! Michael: Would you shut the fck up? What do you talking about? Brian: [to Ted] You think she did it? You think she sliped in the big geezer? Ted: How about some music? [Ted turns on some loud music as Michael starts speeding.] Brian: It's just you're jealous. All your life you're a little men, all the sudden the big old guy. You're angry, rather more to kill. Ted: One more word outta you and I refer you out of the car, ok? Even if it's yours! [Police sirens.] Michael: sh1t! I've been pull over, fck! Ted: You have anything on you? Brian: Yeah, sixteen pounds of cocaine and twenty-four ounces of heroin. Ted: There is no time to be funny! Brian: It was paying for me. [Ted turns off the music as Michael finally pulls over. The cop walks up to the car and knocks on the window. Michael rolls down the window.] Cop: License and Registration, sir. [Michael give it to him] Are you the owner of the vihicle? Michael: No, he is. [Michael points at drunk Brian.] Brian: It's a wonderful evening isn't it, officier? Cop: Are you aware you're speeding? Michael: Oh, that must be why it felt we're was going so fast. Ted: Michael! Cop: You're doing sixty in a thirty MPH zone. Michael: Oh, do you know a math! Get be the officer of jelly donut. Cop: Excuse me, sir? Michael: Look, don't you have anything useful to do? Like arrest a murderer? Ted: Jesus, what the hell are you doin'? Cop: You have a problem with police officier, sir? Brian: All he onces who date her mother. Michael: Shut up, asshole! [to the officier] Just give me the goddamn ticket. Ted: [to himself] Oh, no, he's do it. Cop: Got out of the car, sir. Ted: Now, we're getting arrested. Michael: What else, so you can worked me over? Ted: Oh no, we go to jail. Cop: You to, get the hands on the car. Ted: What did we do? Cop: I say out! [Drunk Brian flops out of the car holding a bottle of booze] Brian: I were more than happy to drive with these two gentlemen home. [Justin does more drugs. Green light. Justin's feeling pretty good about now and starts dancing around. Gary and Co. are watching. Groups of naked boys fck nearby. Justin's enjoying the feeling of his head being on his body. The Drug Cam makes everything elongated and crooked. Gary brings over Justin's roofie.] Gary: You kind of thirsty. Here, drink. Justin: Thanks. Gary: You haven't seen my place? C'mon, I show you around. [The drug camera is strapped to Justin as he walks into another room. People are touching Justin, and Gary shows Justin another kid getting gang-fucked.] Gary: Looks like he has a good time. You ever been on the sling? You love it. C'mon, let's do a try. Justin: I don't... I don't want to. I don't want to. [They don't listen, so Justin kicks Gary in the face. He busts a cap and screams at Justin.] Gary: You not to bother coming back to work! [First Class Section.] Man: It appears that the gentleman have suffered a massive myocardial infarction -- a heart attack brought on by over-exertion. Emmett: Thank you, doctor. I'm lucky we have a heart specialist on board. Man: Actually I'm doctor of economics. But the same things happening with my uncle. What a way to go. [He leaves.] Steward: Is there anything I can get you? Emmett: A drink? I could really use a drink. Steward: Over ice? Emmett: It won't be necessary. Thanks. [He take a tiny bottle.] Emmett: Do you mind if I stay up here and leave him alone. Steward: Make yourself comfortable. If you just need anything just order. I'll...fetch it for you. [Emmett sits next to George's body.] Emmett: Hear that, George? He recognize me. I guess started some business has advantage. So, here we are, honey. Flying around somewhere between Heaven and Earth. Lost in the stars. [Jail.] Ted: I'm so disappointed. Michael: I know. I fcked up! Ted: I mean that. [he's looking to the cell beside them.] All the porno flicks I've seen that takes place in prison they show these hot criminal types and heavy man-on-man action. Nothing like this. Homless guy: And you aren't exactly that type what I was hoping for either. Brian: I wonder who I have to blow around here to get a triple nonfat latte. [A Cop enters] If you say so. [Detective Carl Horvath enters.] Carl: OK, gentleman, free to go. [Ted runs out of there.] Ted: [to Horvath] Thank you, sir. Thank you. Brian: [to the cop] You're housekeeping stuff deserve a trashing. [Michael goes outside, without one word.] Carl: A word? [Michael stops] If you had a problem talk to me about it instead of taking it out on the officier who pulled you over. Michael: You're a homophobic bigot and I want you to stay away from my mother. Carl: Thanks for being honest, may I be the same? I just don't hate gays, I just don't get it. But then you can say the same thing about me. So we are even. As for your mother: She is a very nice lady. Big heart, big personality, big mouth. Call me crazy, but I like that. And she sure as hell loves you. You had pay your speeding ticket at the front desk. There's no record of the night in jail for anybody. Michael: [he goes away and then he turns around] Thanks. [Diner. Debbie's busy. Ben and Michael are sitting on the bar.] Michael: Mother. Mom! Debbie: Yes? Michael: Can we order please? Debbie: You look like sh1t. Michael: Thank you. Debbie: What do you want? Michael: Two eggs over bacon, a raising toast and to say I'm sorry. Debbie: [to Ben] What about you? Ben: Uh, Wheaties. Michael: Mom, did you hear what I'm gonna said? Debbie: Two eggs over bacon, raising toast. Michael: I meant the sorry part. I'm said I'm sorry. Debbie: Like you order something from the menu and expect me to serve you a open forgiveness you plate. Just like that? Ben: I think I should leave and let you two work this out. Michael: Stay. I had no right to judge Detective Horvath without knowing him. And I had no rights to say things to you I've said. You entitled to date with whoever you want. Debbie: You goddamn right I am. Michael: Right. But then, so am I. Debbie: [long pause] You're cereales coming right up, Ben. Ben: Thank you. [Justin's at home, using his left hand to cradle his right. Brian walks in.] Justin: What happen to you last night? Brian: Don't ask. Justin: We have an arrangement. Brian: Home by three or my balls turned to pumpkins. Believe me, you don't miss a thing. How was the party? Justin: Oh, incredibly tedious. I left early. Brian: They except this like that. Justin: fck them! Anyway I quit. I decided that working all night and going to school the other day isn't productive. I need to priorities. [Brian takes all of his clothes off and gets into bed.] Justin: I need to concentrate of my art. So, I like to take your offer if it still stands. [Brian looks under his decke cover.] Brian: It still stands. Justin: We should discusted the terms of this and my paying back schedule. And we should something arranged. Brian: Of course. So, what have you made to change your mind? Justin: A man needs to know when to ask for help. [Justin turns Brian over and kisses him. Brian pulls down Justin's pants. Justin grabs the condom from Brian's hand and stares at him. They share a look. Justin unwraps the condom, puts it on himself, and starts to roll Brian over. Justin gives Brian a soothing kiss, then finishes rolling him over to f*ck his brains out.]	Plan: A: Justin; Q: Who is making too much money as a go-go dancer to care about his schoolwork? A: his suffering schoolwork; Q: What does Justin not care about? A: George; Q: Who offers to take Emmett on a world tour? A: the diner; Q: Where does Detective Carl Horvath ask Debbie out? A: Debbie; Q: Who does Detective Carl Horvath ask out on a date? Summary: Justin's making too much money as a go-go dancer to care about his suffering schoolwork. George offers to take Emmett on a world tour! Detective Carl Horvath returns to the diner, to ask Debbie out on a date.
Skyline: Above the Seattle skyline flies a plane trailing behind it a banner reading "KACL." Act One. Scene One - Café Nervosa. Roz and Frasier are seated by the window. Frasier is waiting for his blind date. Frasier: This is exactly why I hate fix-ups, she's not coming. Roz: Just give her a few more minutes. Come on, tell me about the cabin. Frasier: Oh, all right. Well, Mom and Dad used to take us up there when we were kids. Niles and I thought it might be a nice birthday gift for Dad if we took him up there again. [then] Oh, this is ridiculous! I'm being stood up on a blind date - I'm pathetic. Roz: You are so insecure. God! Where does that come from? Jessica will be here. Frasier: Jessica? I thought you said her name was Jennifer. Roz: Jennifer? Jennifer goes out with a weatherman. She's way out of your league. Look, let me you have your cell phone. I'll call her and see what's going on. Frasier, however, is entranced by a woman that has just walked in. However, she is with a man. The couple sit at a table opposite Frasier and Roz. Roz: Frasier! Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry Roz, the most striking woman just came in. Roz: It's probably Jessica. Frasier: No, no, no, it's not Jessica. She's with a man. God, I don't know what it is about her. I can't take my eyes off of her. Do you suppose they're a couple? Roz begins to look but Frasier stops her quickly. Frasier: Tell you what, you have to go over there for me and find out. Roz: What?! Frasier: You owe me. Come on. All right, it's the table right by the counter. Go on. Roz gets up, passes the woman Frasier was talking about, and goes to a woman with a man on another table. Frasier: No, Roz, Roz-! She doesn't hear him. Roz: Excuse me, I know this is a little weird. But my friend over there thinks you're really, really cute. And he wants to know if you two are on a date. Francesca: A date? Oh no, Hank and I are just friends. Roz: Oh, that's good news. [Hank turns round and Roz notices him] That's REALLY good news. Hi, Hank. I'm Roz Doyle. Roz sits with Hank. Meanwhile, the girl Frasier really likes gets up and goes to the counter. Frasier decides to go and talk to her. Frasier: Excuse me, ah. I suppose you noticed I was staring at your table and I was just wondering if that gentleman you're with - is he your husband? Mia: No. Frasier: Boyfriend? Mia: No. Frasier: Oh, wonderful. Mia: Would you like me to introduce you, he just broke up with someone. Frasier: No... I was staring at you. Mia: You were? Frasier: Yes. Gosh, I know this may seem awfully bold of me, I'm not the sort of man who hits on every woman he sees. Then Francesca, whom Roz accidentally mistook for the woman of Frasier's fancies, approaches Frasier. Francesca: Excuse me, hi, your friend said you wanted to know if I was single. [Frasier is worried] It's okay, you don't have to be embarrassed. Mia: Yes, he does. Frasier: There's been a little mistake. [to woman] You see, I asked my friend to approach this [points to Mia] lovely woman and she obviously mistook you for the woman I meant. Well, that's certainly understandable, seeing as you're lovely as well. Well, it's just that at this moment, well... [Francesca walks away] Many apologies. [to Mia] Gosh, I'm sorry, let me start again. I'm Frasier Crane. Then, Jessica, the woman who he was set up with arrives and hears this. Jessica: Oh, you're Frasier. Hi, I'm Jessica - Roz's friend. Frasier: Jessica. Jessica: Roz thought we might hit it off. Frasier: Indeed we might have, you see, if not for the fact I just met this woman, to whom I'd be to glad to introduce you, except I don't know what her name is. You know, Roz can explain all this. She's sitting over there next to that scowling woman. At Hank and Francesca's table, Roz puts her face into her hand. Jessica goes over to meet her. Frasier: Gosh, you know, you must think I'm some sort of a smooth operator. Mia: No, not really. Frasier: I really am terribly sorry. Ah... Mia: I'm Mia. Mia Preston. Frasier: Mia. Mia Preston? The children's book author? Mia: Yes. Frasier: Oh my goodness. "Panda in the Parlor." Oh, wow! I love that book, I've read it a hundred times. Mia: I'm impressed. Most of my readers can't even count that high. Frasier: No, I used to read it to my son. You know, many is the quart of milk we've poured in the back yard waiting for the Oreo Tree to grow. Gosh, you know I'd love to take you to lunch, sometime. Mia: Lunch? Em... I... Frasier: Well, all right, coffee? Anything. I'd just like a chance to get you know you better. Mia: Well, okay. You're certainly persistent. Frasier: Well, as a wise woman once wrote, "No cookie jar is up too high for a panda who will try and try." Mia: Now you're scaring me. [SCENE_BREAK] THERE ARE NONE SO BLIND... Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne is sat reading a book as Martin enters. He is dressed in some over-sized green rubber waders which stop under his armpits. Martin: Hey, Daph. Daphne: I see you're wearing your buffet pants. Martin: They're hip-waders. I'm breaking them in for the weekend. Where's Fras? Daphne: He's probably off somewhere with that Mia. Martin: Oh yeah, it seems to be getting serious, huh? You know, it's funny, you can always tell. He starts using French words for no reason. Daphne: Yeah, and that laugh, the giddy one. Daphne and Martin copy the giddy laugh. Then Niles and Frasier enter. Niles is carrying a hold-all. Niles: Hello, all. [notices Martin] Well, there's a faux-pas averted. I almost wore my big rubber pants today! Martin: They're for the trip. I'm nearly done packing. I just gotta get my fly mast and my tackle box and there's one more thing... Frasier: Yes, well, we're taking off in a few hours so depeché-toi! Martin: Oh yeah, earplugs for the car ride up. Thanks. Niles: Oh but Dad, don't forgot to pack some sturdy knee socks. Martin exits to his room. Niles: I should get some for myself. You remember the insect situation at the cabin. Frasier: Good Lord, Niles, not this bug phobia of yours. Niles: It's not a phobia. The mosquitoes up there are huge. My first summer I was chased off the end of the dock by one the size of a pelican! Daphne: [to Frasier] So, Dr. Crane, when do we finally get to meet this new girlfriend of yours? Frasier: Oh, Mia, she's on her way over right now, actually. She's going to take me out to buy some new trousers. You see, with this new diet she's got me on, I've lost my love handles. Just when I needed them most. Frasier gives that giddy laugh and Daphne reacts. Frasier: Niles, Niles, you got those movies? Niles: Shush, here they are. Niles gives Frasier some movie tape. Niles covers him while Frasier stores them in the wardrobe. Daphne: Movies? Niles: Shush. Yes, for Dad's birthday we had some old home movies transferred to video tape. Frasier: Gosh, you know, I haven't seen these in years. You know, Daphne, it's going to be quite a hoot this weekend. Are you sure you don't want to join us? Daphne: Gutting fish, watching home movies and hosing down your father's pants. It does sound tempting! The doorbell sounds. Frasier answers it to Mia who is carrying a bag of something. Niles is taken aback. Mia: Hi, honey. Frasier: Hi, Mia. [kisses] Come on in. This is Daphne Moon. [hellos] And my brother Niles. Mia: It's great to finally meet you two. Daphne: Likewise. Frasier: So, what you got there? Mia: Oh, I baked some fat-free goodies for your trip. Oh, where's the kitchen? Frasier: Right this way. Mia: And there's a ton of muffins if anybody wants one. Niles: Oh, not for me, I have some problems with allergies. Mia: Really? Well these are just wheat germ, oat bran and carob. Niles: Oh well, throw in a sea scallop, you can phone the paramedics right now. Mia and Frasier exit to the kitchen. Daphne: She seems nice, doesn't she? [silence] You all right, Dr. Crane? Niles: I'm sorry, Daphne, it's just that Mia looks exactly like our mother. Daphne: Mrs. Crane? I've only seen photos, mind, but now that you mention it, there is a resemblance. Niles: It's not just a resemblance. She's the spitting image, I'm shocked Frasier didn't mention it. Frasier: [enters] So, what do you think of her? Niles: Well she's wonderful, but Frasier... Frasier is confused. Niles: Does she remind you of anyone? Frasier: Oh, you noticed that too. Niles: Are you kidding? The minute I laid eyes on her. Daphne: Even I can see it. Frasier: Really? Well, she does look a bit like Roz, but she's a totally different person. You know, in fact our relationship is unlike any I've ever had before. Mia: [enters taking him by the hands mother-like] Come on, handsome. Let's go buy you some pants! Frasier: [boyish excitement] Oh, okay! Mia leads Frasier out the door as Niles and Daphne give each other a look. End Of Act One. Act Two. Scene One - The Cabin. It's an old rustic cabin with a stone fireplace and a wooden floorboard. Martin enters with his cases, mesmerized. Martin: [cheerfully sent back] Oh, wow! Look at that. I don't believe it. Nothing's changed. [calls] Niles! Then Niles enters, glumly putting his cases down. Niles: [disappointed] Wow! I don't believe it! Look at this! Nothing's changed! Martin: It's character, Niles. Look at this fireplace. [sits by it] Your mom and I used to sit in front of the fire here holding hands. I wonder if that... [pulls up rug] Oh, yeah! It's still here. That graffiti that you scratched into the floor. Niles: That's not graffiti, Dad, that's a Latin pun. "Semper Ubi Sub Ubi" - "Always Where Under Where" [N.B. In literal translation they are the correct forms of where - i.e., not wear.] Car horns are heard. Niles: Oh, that'll be Frasier and Mia. Martin: Yeah, I was really surprised he brought her here for the weekend. What's she like, anyway? Niles: Uh, well, she made quite an impression on me. I'm curious to see what you'll think. Niles swats a bug above his head. Niles: Dad, would you hand me that valise, I want to put on some bug repellent. Martin: Oh, sure [hands it over] Ooh, it's kind of heavy. What you got in there? Niles: Bug repellent! Niles opens the valise revealing cans and cans of the stuff all lined up. Martin exits with his cases to the bedrooms. Niles sprays his arms and legs. Then, as Frasier walks in, Niles sprays a puff into the air, shuts his eyes and pushes his face into it. Frasier rolls his eyes. Frasier: Hello, Niles. Niles: Hey, Frasier. Frasier: [calls outside] Honey, you stay out there as long as you like. [to Niles] She can't take her eyes off that sunset. Is everything all set here? Niles: Yes, I just want to make sure this VCR works for our little home movies, later. [presses button twice] Check. Frasier: Splendid. Niles, you know what, we're going to need some more logs from the wood pile. Come give me a hand. Niles: [reluctant] All right. Martin: [enters] Fras, isn't it great to be back here? You know, I want to thank you guys, this is some gift. Frasier: You're welcome, Dad. Listen, if you're enjoying this little trip down memory lane, wait until you see the other blast from the past we brought up here. Niles quiets him and he and Frasier exit to the kitchen. Then Mia enters through the door behind Martin's back. Mia: Martin? Hi. Martin turns around and cannot believe his eyes - it's as if Hester has come back from the dead. Mia: It's Mia. Oh my gosh, Frasier did tell you I was coming, didn't he? Martin: Oh, yeah. [laughs] Of course he did. Yeah, well, nice meeting you. Mia: It's very nice to meet you. Well, it's so beautiful here. Martin: I'm glad you like it. Mia: Are you kidding? I feel like I'm in heaven. Martin: I'm starting to feel that way myself. Then Frasier and Niles enter, carrying some logs. Frasier is obviously distraught. Frasier: Well, nice going, Niles! Mia: What happened? Frasier: Niles dropped a huge log right onto my hand when he was startled by a moth. Niles: It was not a moth, it was a bat. I could tell from that eerie high-pitched scream. Frasier: That was you! Look, frankly, I wish you'd start seeing someone about this bug phobia of yours. Niles: It is not a phobia. I have a healthy fear of our natural predators. It's us versus them, and frankly I'm starting to wonder just whose side you're on. Frasier: It just amazes me that a good psychiatrist can be so blind of something so obvious. Mia: [motherly] Oh honey, your poor thumb, we should put something on that. Frasier: [like a son] You know, okay. Mia leads Frasier to the kitchen. Martin gives Niles a look. Martin: God, she looks just like your mother. Niles: I know, and Frasier doesn't see it. Martin: You're kidding? Niles: No, and he has the gall to tell me I'm blind. He's clearly the one dealing with repressed material, not to mention the obvious Oedipal issues. Martin: Argle, gargle, gooble, goop. Niles: What? Martin: Now you know how it feels, what are you talking about?! Niles: I'm talking about Freud's theory of the "Oedipus Complex." He believed that every man subconsciously wants to sleep with his mother and kill his father. It's modeled on the Greek tragedy of Oedipus, who actually did sleep with his mother and kill his father, and when he realized what he'd done he gouged out both his eyes. Martin: Probably not too tough to pick that guy out of a line-up. Niles: [notices open door] Oh, why don't we just send out engraved invitations for all the bugs of the forest? [shuts door] The question is: how do we bring it to Frasier's attention? Martin: We don't! Niles: Dad, denial of this magnitude is not healthy, it's for his own good. Martin: No, Niles. Niles: Okay, it's for my own good. Come on, after the way he wagged his finger at me, you can't expect I'm just going to keep quiet about this. Martin: Look, the last thing I want on my birthday weekend is some big long drawn-out argument between you two, all right? Now let's just chill this beer that we brought, all right, and just put all these weird thoughts out of our minds. Niles: Fine. Then Frasier and Mia enter hand in hand. They bump into Martin. Frasier: Oh, sorry, Dad. Come on, hon. Let's go see if our room still has that big creaky old pine bed that Mom and Dad used to sleep in. [exits with Mia to the bedroom, o.s.] A-ha! Yeah, there she is! Martin: Well, a guess a warm one wouldn't kill us. Martin passes a beer to Niles and takes one for himself. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - The Cabin The four are sat around the dinner table with a meal in front of them. Martin: Boy, being in this place really takes me back. Remember that summer I tried to teach you boys how to fish? You just didn't have the knack, so I went out and I bought these two big trout and snuck 'em on the boat. Mia: Oh, Marty, you're terrible! Martin: Yeah, and then I put the trout on their hooks and I dropped them over the side while you two were still arguing about the last Dramamine. I felt bad about fooling ya', but hell, what's the harm of a little fantasy if it makes you feel good? Mia: More wine? Martin: Oh thanks, hon. Mia pours Martin the wine turning into an almost husband and wife duo. Niles reacts. Mia: Frasier, you've hardly touched your chicken. Is something wrong? Frasier: Oh, no, no, it's just that, well, I'm having a little trouble holding the knife because someone dropped a log on my thumb. Niles: Oh, it didn't hurt you that badly, you are such a baby. Frasier: No, you are a baby, running and screaming because of a little moth. Niles: I told you it was a bat! Frasier and Niles begin arguing. Martin: All right boys, that's enough. Not at the table. Mia: Your father's right. Niles reacts. Mia: Now Frasier, if your hands hurting, I'll cut your meat for you. Frasier: Well, all right. Mia begins cutting the meat in a motherly style. Frasier: You know Niles, not to dwell on this, but you know, I could give you the number of a man who specializes in bug phobias. Niles: Oh is that so... Frasier: And while you're at it, I think you should talk to him about your constant chair dusting, I believe that is related. Martin: Frasier! Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, Dad, I think a good psychiatrist should be self-aware. Mia: [giving Frasier a piece of meat] Open wide! Niles: So you're saying I lack self-awareness? Martin: Why don't we change the subject, all right? This is a great meal, Mia. Niles: It certainly was. Frasier, when it comes to girlfriends, you've certainly struck the MOTHERload. Martin: Niles! Frasier: You haven't even read her books yet, Dad, it's a delightful series about an adventurous little panda. Niles: It sounds worthy of MOTHER Goose! Martin: [changing subject] So, what's coming up next week, Mia? Mia: Well, I'll have to swear you to secrecy. Martin: All right. Mia: It looks like that Panda might just find its way into the attic. [they all laugh] Niles: Yes, MUM's the word. Martin "accidentally" knocks his wine over Niles. Martin: Oh, sorry, Niles. Would you maybe come into the kitchen and I'll just help you get dried off in there, all right? Niles: Yes, oh dear, it looks like these pants may have to be REPRESSED! Martin knocks Niles into the kitchen and he follows him. Martin: What the hell's the matter with you? Niles: Oh, I'm sorry Dad, you can't expect me to let him sit there in his booster seat and tell me I lack self-awareness. Martin: He'll pick up on what you're saying. Do you want the whole thing to blow up? Niles: Dad, this level of denial is unhealthy. Martin: [shouting] We're not in denial! Everything's perfect! This is the best birthday I've ever had! Then Mia and Frasier enter. Mia bumps into Martin as she enters. Mia: I know it's early, but I'm exhausted. Martin: Oh Mia, you go, you hit the sack, thanks for dinner. They all ad-lib compliments. Frasier: I'll be along in a minute. Mia exits. Niles: Frasier, before you turn in, there's a little something we need to deal with. Martin: Oh, Jeez. Frasier: Oh right, Dad, your birthday gift. Martin: Oh yes, my gift, my gift, I want to open my gift. It's my birthday this weekend, right? Martin exits. Frasier: Come on Niles. [Niles stands miffed] It'll be fun, come on. Niles: Oh yes, fine! [throws down a cloth] Frasier: Oh come on, seeing you and me, Dad and Mom? Niles: [realizes] You know, I'm getting more excited by the second. Frasier and Niles enter the room where they find Martin. Frasier: Okay, Dad, now listen, you sit right here. Martin moves to a seat in front of the television. Martin: Oh right, okay, what is this? Some kind of movie? Frasier: That's right. Here we go. Niles puts the video on. We then see lots of pictures on the television. They show a young Niles and Frasier messing about at the cabin. Then it shows them playing "Peter Pan," fighting with toy swords. Martin: Oh, my old home movies. I haven't seen these for twenty years. Frasier: Well, happy birthday, Dad, now you can watch them whenever you like. [to Niles] Isn't it just the reaction you were hoping for? Niles: One of them. Then Hester Crane appears on the television, playing Wendy with the boys. Frasier straight away notices her resemblance to Mia and gasps. Martin and Niles turns to look at him. Frasier: Oh, dear God! Do you two see what I see? My God, they could be twins. Martin: Now Frasier, take it easy... Frasier: You do see it?! How could you miss it? How could I miss it? Martin: Niles, just calm him down and I'll get him a drink of water. Martin exits to the kitchen. Frasier begins to hyperventilate. Niles: Frasier, Frasier, the important thing is not to blow this out of proportion. After all... Niles is interrupted when he feels the presence of something above his head. He whacks the air. Niles: Dear God, what was that, a hummingbird?! Frasier: What is the matter with me?! Niles: [running for his bug spray] Now Frasier, you didn't do anything wrong, your feelings for Mia stem from perfectly natural Oedipal desires. Frasier: Yes, but Oedipal desires are supposed to resolve themselves by the age of six! Niles starts with the bug spray. Frasier: Oh for God's sake, give me that, you idiot! Frasier takes the spray and "blinds" himself with it accidentally. Frasier: [screams] I've blinded myself! Martin enters with water and sees the commotion. Martin: I leave you alone with him for two seconds... Niles: Frasier, are you all right? Frasier: [gasping] Let me just try to calm down a little bit. She's not my mother. We then see Hester on the video, at the bedroom door, beckoning to Martin to come to bed. Then in present times, Mia comes to the bedroom door and with exactly the same gestures as Hester gave: Mia: Frasier, come to bed. Mia exits back to the bedroom and Frasier looks away in fright. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - The Cabin's Bedroom. Mia is sat on the bed wearing only a silk dressing gown. Frasier enters cautiously. Frasier: [scared] Hello? You wanted to see me? Mia: [sexy] I hope I wasn't rushing you. Frasier: No, no, it is bedtime. Mia: Are you okay sweetie? You seem a little tense. Frasier: No, no, no, I just need to calm down a little bit. [sits rigidly on bed] Yeah, you see, that's better. Mia: It seems like you're in pain. Oh, it's your hand. Frasier: [covering] Yes, yes, that's it. Mia: Well, I know what the problem is there. I never kissed your little boo-boo. Mia kisses his thumb. Frasier screams nervously. Mia: We don't want these other fingers to be jealous, do we? Mia kisses his second finger. Frasier nervously pulls his hand away. Mia: Frasier, honey, please. Mia cradles his head in her lap like a mother does to her son. Mia: Tell me what's wrong. What's bothering you? Frasier: I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm just having a little trouble getting comfortable. Mia: Well, was it something I did, something I said at dinner, what? Frasier sits up. Frasier: Okay, okay. Gosh, this is awkward. I just realized that you bear a striking resemblance to my mother. Mia: But you just noticed it now? Frasier: Yes. Mia: Well, it can't be that strong of a resemblance then, can it? [Frasier looks at her] That strong, huh? Well listen, I hope you can get over it, because I think we have a pretty great thing going here. Don't you? Frasier: Yes. Mia: We have loads in common, we get along great and don't you want to stick around long enough to see how that naughty Panda gets out of the attic? Frasier: Oh, I do, yes. You're right, just talking about this makes me feel much better. Oh, God, you're not my mother, this is ridiculous. Mia: So, you're okay. Frasier: I'm okay. They kiss passionately. Frasier: I'm better than okay. Mia: Okay, then. Mia stands up, opens her robe and lets it drop to the floor. Frasier however isn't okay and looks away in angst. Scene Four - The Cabin. The same night a taxi horn sounds. Frasier is sat with Mia. Mia has her luggage ready to go. Frasier: Oh well, there's your cab. Mia: Take care of yourself. Frasier: Yeah. I'm sorry, this is so awkward. Mia: No really, it's fine. Frasier lets Mia out to her cab and shouts "sorry" after her before closing the door. Frasier thinks to himself for a while before Martin and Niles enter in their dressing gowns from the other bedrooms. Martin: I take it that cab was for Mia. Frasier: Yeah. You know, I tried to get past it but I just couldn't. Martin: I'm sorry, son. Niles: Yeah, me too, Frasier. Frasier: I won't be getting much sleep tonight. Martin: Well, I'm up too. Niles: I won't be getting a wink of sleep either the way those crickets are raging. Martin: Niles, why don't you get us all a nice big brandy? [Niles does] Now, don't make too much of this, Frasier. So you picked a woman who looked like your mother, so what? Frasier: "Like her" would have been fine, Dad. We're not talking about a similar hairdo or the same crooked smile. I was dating a replicant. Martin: Now Frasier, I know you're going to go crazy convincing yourself that you've got some big complex, but couldn't it be simpler than that? Maybe you just miss your mother. I know I do. Frasier: I do think about her a lot. Niles: We all do. Niles hands Frasier his brandy and then Martin, they ad-lib thanks. Martin: Hey, I think we've talked about all this enough for one night. So, it's still my birthday. I want to watch the rest of my movies. Frasier: That's a great idea, Dad. Niles puts the video on. Niles: Check. They all sit and watch. The first scene is of Niles and Frasier fighting. Niles: Well, there certainly are a lot of us fighting. Frasier: You know, Dad, I wish there were more shots with you in it. Martin: No, no, no, I liked being the cameraman. On the video, we see a sneaky shot of Hester's legs. Martin: I got to focus on the things I liked. On the TV, Hester catches Martin taping her and waves him away, scandalized. The Crane Boys laugh. Then, Hester leans forward into the camera and says, "I love you." Martin sinks his head down onto the handle of his cane. On the screen, Hester blows a kiss to her husband and sons and says, "I love you" again. Martin looks at it thoughtfully along with his sons. [SCENE_BREAK] The Cabin. We see a clip from Martin's home video. Young Niles is on the couch revealing all his problems to Young Frasier who is acting as a psychiatrist. Frasier looks at the camera and whirls his finger around his head, calling Niles "crazy." Synopsis ACT ONE SCENE ONE - CAFE NERVOSA - DAY Frasier and Roz are at the window table next to the front door, Frasier fidgeting anxiously and fuming to Roz that the blind date she's set him up with is obviously planning to stand him up. To distract him, Roz asks him to tell her about the cabin. Frasier begins to explain that he and Niles are taking Martin on a birthday trip to the same cabin where the family used to vacation years ago, but Frasier can't keep his mind on the conversation. His ego is wounded and he keeps complaining that he's been stood up -- at least until a very attractive woman walks into the cafe with a male companion and they sit at the table near the end of the coffee bar. Frasier abruptly forgets all about his blind date -- and everything else, including Roz -- as he stares at the mystery woman in fascination. Roz finally gets his attention and he hastily enlists her help to find out whether the mystery woman is attached to her male companion. Roz reluctantly departs on a fact-finding mission, but arrives at the wrong table. She is ecstatic to find out that the woman she's questioning is just friends with her attractive male companion, and Roz makes herself comfortable at the wrong table. Frasier looks on in exasperation and finally decides to approach the mystery woman, who has stepped up to the coffee bar and is waiting for her order. He introduces himself and is shyly explaining that he doesn't ordinarily hit on every woman he sees, when the woman from Roz's table comes over and offers to get acquainted with Frasier based on Roz's flattering description. Frasier explains the situation and has just sent her back over to Roz and resumed his conversation when Frasier's blind date shows up and comes over to introduce herself. He stumbles through an explanation and the blind date also goes off to talk with an increasingy embarrassed Roz. After a belated introduction Frasier realizes that his mystery woman is well-known children's author Mia Preston, whose books are a favorite of his son Frederick's. Mia is flattered and after some hesitation finally accepts Frasier's charmingly awkward lunch invitation. SCENE TWO - FRASIER'S APARTMENT - DAY Daphne is reading on the couch as Martin enters from the bedroom, wearing a pair of oversized rubber waders that he's breaking in for his trip to the cabin. He asks after Fraiser and Daphne makes a guess that he's off with his new girlfriend Mia again. They compare notes on Frasier's state of giddy infatuation as Frasier and Niles come in. Niles is carrying a gym bag. Martin goes off to finish packing as Niles begins to complain about the terrible insect situation at the cabin and Frasier reproves him for his out-of- control bug phobia. Daphne asks when they will have a chance to meet Mia, and Frasier replies that she is on her way over to take him clothing shopping before they leave for the cabin. As soon as Martin is gone, Niles darts over to his gym bag and removes several videotapes which Frasier quickly hides, telling Daphne that they have had some old home movies transferred to videotape for their father's birthday. He coaxes Daphne to come with them, but she shudders at the thought of the fish- and home-movie-filled weekend, and declines the invitation. Just then Mia arrives and Frasier greets her affectionately. Daphne and Niles are friendly, but Niles is obviously very bothered by something. Frasier and Mia exit for the kitchen, and Niles tells Daphne that Mia looks exactly like their mother. When Frasier returns, Niles tries to ask him about the resemblance, but doesn't get far before he learns that Frasier thinks Mia looks like Roz. Mia returns and leads Frasier out the door in a distinctly maternal way: "Come on, handsome, let's go buy you some pants!" Niles and Daphne look on in dismay. SCENE THREE - The Cabin - Sunset Niles and Martin arrive at the cabin as Martin rhapsodizes over all the fond memories that the family shared there, especially he and Hester. He asks about Mia, who has followed them up to the cabin in a separate car with Frasier. Niles replies diplomatically that she made quite an impression on him, but he is interrupted by a dive- bombing mosquito. He heads over to his suitcase and opens it to reveal a truly impressive array of insect repellents of every description. Frasier arrives without Mia, who has stayed outside the cabin to watch the sunset, and Frasier drags Niles off to the woodpile to get firewood, prompting Niles to douse himself with even more repellent. Martin is alone in the living room as Mia comes in and introduces herself. Martin is stunned to meet her and doesn't quite know what to say. Mia has no idea why he's hesitant and apologizes for barging in on their family weekend, but Martin recovers himself and welcomes her with all his charm. It rapidly becomes clear that Martin is growing fonder of Mia by the moment. Frasier returns with Niles and an armful of firewood, complaining loudly. Niles apparently dropped a log onto Frasier's thumb after being scared by a moth. Mia coos over the injury and leads Frasier off to the kitchen for first aid as Frasier scolds Niles about his bug phobia and urges him to get psychiatric help. Alone with Niles, Martin can't get over Mia's resemblance to Hester. Niles informs him that Frasier doesn't have any idea about the resemblance, and ends up explaining Freud's theory of the Oedipus complex to an incredulous Martin. Niles is fuming over Frasier's judgmental attitude toward his bug phobia and is eager to force Frasier to recognize Mia's resemblance to Hester. Martin sees it as harmless and advises against meddling, but changes his mind after Frasier and Mia pass through, laughing slyly on their way to the bedroom to check out the bed Martin and Hester used to sleep in. Martin and Niles reach for the beer as they contemplate the awkward weekend ahead. ACT TWO SCENE ONE - CABIN LIVING ROOM - DINNERTIME The four are gathered around the dinner table as Martin tells a story about the boys' childhood. He is clearly in the middle of a pleasant fantasy with Mia in Hester's place as family matriarch. Mia and Frasier are blissfully unaware as Mia listens fondly to Martin's stories and offers him more wine. Niles tries to hold his tongue, but grows more and more uneasy with the Oedipal undercurrents as Martin slips and calls Mia "hon", then Mia fusses maternally over Frasier's injured thumb, cuts his meat for him at the table and feeds him bites of food. Niles grows increasingly angry over Frasier's insistence that Niles see a psychiatrist for his insect phobia. It's clearly all he can do not to confront Frasier, and Martin anxiouly tries to change the subject to prevent Niles blowing up and ruining the peaceful weekend. In desperation he spills a glass of wine on Niles and rushes him out to the kitchen to clean up. In the kitchen Niles and Martin argue furiously. Martin is having a great time and wants to keep the secret, while Niles insists that Frasier's denial is extremely unhealthy. Mia and Frasier come in bearing dirty dishes from the table, and Mia decides she is exhausted and heads off to bed. Niles begins to confront Frasier, but Martin interrupts and insists on opening his birthday gift, so the three head back to the living room. SCENE TWO - THE LIVING ROOM - A MOMENT LATER Frasier settles Martin in front of the television and pops a tape into the VCR. Martin is excited and happy to see the old film of Frasier and Niles playing, having a mock swordfight, and reading at the cabin. Then Hester appears on the tape, and Frasier is profoundly shocked at her resemblance to Mia. He begins to have a panic attack, which Niles attempts to forestall by reminding him that Oedipal feelings are a normal part of development. But Niles himself begins to panic when he is mattacked by a mosquito that has invaded the cabin. He leaps for the insect repellent and begins spraying madly. Frasier grabs the can in frustration, but ends up temporarily blinding himself with the spray in unconscious imitation of the Oedipal myth. Frasier tries to calm down by reminding himself that Mia is not his mother. With typical bad timing, the videotape next shows Hester looking appealing in a bathrobe, followed seconds later by Mia entering the cabin living room in her own bathrobe, suggestively summoning Frasier to bed. He is panic-stricken. SCENE THREE - CABIN BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER Frasier inches his way into the room where Mia is waiting for him in bed. She notices his discomfort and coaxes him to tell her what the problem is. After much hesitation he finally tells her. She patiently reminds him that she is not his mother and that they have a really good relationship, which she would hate to lose. Frasier agrees and starts to relax. Mia is reassured and begins to take off her bathrobe. Frasier panics. SCENE FOUR - CABIN LIVING ROOM - A BIT LATER Mia is fully dressed and standing at the door as a car horn sounds from outside. She and Frasier hug and Mia goes out to the cab with her suitcase. Niles pours three brandies, and Martin reminds Frasier that he need not torture himself by looking for the deep psychological meaning about his relationship with Mia. Perhaps it's simpler, Martin suggests -- maybe Frasier just misses his mother. Martin and Niles agree that all three of them miss her, and they settle down a bit more cheerfully to watch the rest of the videotape. The three laugh as once again the tape shows Niles and Frasier fighting. Frasier remarks that it's a shame Martin wasn't in more of the tape, but Martin says that he didn't mind being the cameraman. As the camera follows the curvaceous Hester in a pair of form-fitting slacks, Martin says fondly that taking the pictures gave him the chance to focus on the things he liked. On the tape Hester finally notices she's being filmed; she laughs and motions us away, but finally smiles and mouths "I love you" at the camera. The Crane men are very still as they watch her, each lost in his own memories.	Plan: A: Rita Wilson; Q: Who played Mia Preston? A: a children's author; Q: What is Mia Preston's profession? A: Frederick; Q: Who did Frasier read books to before he started dating Mia Preston? A: Hester; Q: What is the name of the Crane brothers' mother? A: three; Q: How many Cranes plan to spend the weekend at a cabin where they vacationed years ago to celebrate Martin's birthday? A: Cranes; Q: What family is Niles and Martin a part of? A: videotape; Q: What format do the Crane brothers transfer their old home movies to? A: the home movies; Q: What does Frasier watch that makes him realize he is dating his mother's spitting image? A: his horror; Q: How did Frasier react to the fact that he was dating his mother's spitting image? Summary: Frasier starts dating Mia Preston (played by Rita Wilson ), a children's author whose books he used to read to Frederick . When Niles and Martin meet her, they are startled to discover that she looks just like the brothers' late mother, Hester , which Frasier does not realize. The three Cranes plan to spend the weekend at a cabin where they vacationed years ago to celebrate Martin's birthday. As a gift the brothers bring old home movies transferred to videotape . Frasier sees the resemblance when watching the home movies, in which his mother appears, and realizes to his horror that he is dating her spitting image.
Chamonix [France] - chalet Sydney and Vaughn are installing a wireless camouflaged camera onto a cliff face. SYDNEY: Hand me the receiver. SYDNEY: Check the power. SYDNEY: Antenna. SYDNEY: Marshall? MARSHALL: Go, Mountaineer. SYDNEY: Camera's in position. MARSHALL: Camera's online; signal strength is good. Testing infrared. Infrared is five by... You're good to go Sydney to Vaughn: SYDNEY: Are you ready? VAUGHN: Let's do it. They BASE jump off of the cliff. [SCENE_BREAK] L.A. [US] - Rotunda DIXON: According to our Covenant defector, Mr. Lisenker, the chalet you were sent to surveil is owned by one of his former contacts, an arms dealer. DIXON: Lisenker visited the chalet a number of times on Covenant business. What the Covenant doesn't know is that when Lisenker decided to defect, he hid a microdisc there. On it is a copy of the Doleac agenda. SYDNEY: The Doleac agenda? DIXON: The Covenant playbook. It details operational plans for the six Covenant cells including the names and headquarters of the cell leaders. JACK: Obviously if we can identify and capture any of their leaders, we can hobble the Covenant, in the best case scenario shut them down completely. VAUGHN: Can't Lisenker tell us what's on the disc? JACK: Lisenker had neither the time nor the technology to decrypt it. SYDNEY: Have we identified a point of entry for the chalet? MARSHALL: Actually, uh, based on what I could pick up from the infrared cameras you placed, perimeter defenses are way too strong, so you can't go in on the ground. And, uh, parachuting in, that's not an option because they've got these turrets that would make that not a very fun day. And those dots... those are landmines. But what really makes this security system unique is its lethal response system. Now, you trip the alarm, you buy the farm. SYDNEY: The cameras showed you all that? JACK: Not directly, but they indicate we're most likely dealing with the work of one person, Toni Cummings. She spent six years at a UK prison for breaking and entering. She turned her talents from cracking security systems to designing them. According to British intelligence, Cummings is paid up to eight figures for her services. And if she designed the system for the chalet, you can bet it contains her signature deterrent: lethal response. Bio on screen says: Toni Cummings, Female, Age 37, Height 5'8", Weight 125, DOB 1-10-66, ID B3487D SYDNEY: Where is she? WEISS: I'm already on that. She goes to where the work is, mostly doing jobs for euro-celebrities and children of royalty... the kind of people you want to drop-kick. DIXON: Once we get a lock on her location, you'll infiltrate posing as clients and obtain specs on the system. JACK: In the meantime I'll go see Sloane, see if there's any fallout within the Covenant after Lisenker's defection. DIXON: Sydney, Vaughn, be prepped to leave as soon as we find Cummings. [SCENE_BREAK] Zurich [Switzerland] - OmniFam Sloane is on his cell phone talking to someone. SLOANE: Look, OmniFam has enough medicine to treat the malaria epidemic in the entire Nasarawa [Nigeria] region. Well then I suggest you reconsider my offer because I cannot promise you it will be on the table next week. SLOANE: We're only the third largest non-governmental agency in the world; one might think that would make a difference. Hello, Jack. JACK: I wanted to speak with you regarding the Lisenker defection. Any word on how the Covenant is taking it? SLOANE: Tell me, Jack, is that why you came to see me? JACK: About last week... it was a matter of circumstance, Arvin. Whether I would have gone through with it... SLOANE: Oh, you would've. I would've. JACK: Perhaps. SLOANE: And now you feel guilty. Well don't bother, Jack. Sydney's life was at stake. How can I blame a man for doing whatever he can to save his daughter's life? They stare briefly. SLOANE: It occurred to me the other night after you left just how lucky you are. What your life has become, how close you and Sydney are now. And I thought about my wife. SLOANE: I miss Emily, Jack. The work I do here, the research, feeding those who would otherwise go hungry, I thought that somehow it would bring me peace for all that came before. But there's nothing. Nothing can erase the past. Nothing can fill the void of being alone. JACK: If that's how it seems, there is something. The agency has someone you can talk to in confidence, if you like. Someone who at least today has no intention of ending your life. Sloane laughs. JACK: I can arrange a meeting. You have to stay focused, Arvin. Maintain your cover as a double agent within the Covenant. SLOANE: You're right, Jack. I do. But I don't think my condition can be helped by a psychiatrist. [SCENE_BREAK] CIA - Barnett's Office SYDNEY: Now that I know what happened to me over the last two years, in theory I should finally be able to move on with my life. BARNETT: In theory. SYDNEY: The thing is, when I look ahead all I see is Vaughn. BARNETT: I understand from reading your brief the two of you were imprisoned in North Korea, almost killed. SYDNEY: This might seem trivial, but he kissed me. We kissed. I mean, I kissed him back. Is that distinction irrelevant? BARNETT: Is it irrelevant to you? SYDNEY: That moment, what happened in North Korea makes it difficult. We're supposed to go on another operation together. It's sort of hard to deal with. BARNETT: How would you feel if Vaughn left his wife for you? SYDNEY: I don't know. I don't think he would ever leave his wife because of me. I mean, I think it would be because he and Lauren don't belong together. BARNETT: Does he belong with you? SYDNEY: Have you ever felt that someone's your soul mate? [SCENE_BREAK] Somewhere in L.A. Weiss and Vaughn are playing pool. WEISS: You know what? You're a good guy, you don't want to hurt anybody, but you're pretty much guaranteed you're going to hurt everybody. VAUGHN: What are you talking about? WEISS: I really don't know. VAUGHN: That's helpful advice. WEISS: Come on, what do you want me to say? If you think I'm going to tell you to stay in a loveless marriage... VAUGHN: It's not a loveless marriage. WEISS: Whatever. And if you're waiting for me to tell you to leave your wife for another woman, you can forget about that, too. VAUGHN: Do you think you can be in love with two people at the same time? WEISS: No. I don't. However, I did have the same intense feelings for both Sport and Posh Spice. VAUGHN: Yeah, who didn't? [SCENE_BREAK] Some corner, probably in L.A. The St. Tropez women's dress store. Lauren's in a dressing room trying stuff on. LAUREN: Come in. SALESPERSON: I found your size. LAUREN: Great. Thank you. Do you have something similar in black, maybe with some lace? The salesperson leaves. Lauren ends up in garters and a bra. There's another knock. LAUREN: Come in. It's Sark. SARK: I must say, you're quite an impressive actress. When I approached you in the parking garage, even I didn't realize you and I were working for the same organization. Would you like to put something on? LAUREN: No, I'm rather comfortable like this. Would you like me to put something on? SARK: Hardly. You and I share a similar predicament. The Covenant. We're expected to carry out orders without knowing how or exactly why we're doing so, hence the death of my father... at your hand. Lauren turns around, worried. SARK: You were given and carried out orders without question. Not that my father deserved to live; he didn't. It's just that I'm bankrolling this entire operation; you're being treated like a worthless foot soldier. LAUREN: Why are you coming to me with this? SARK: Because since I learned of your true affiliation, I've studied up on you. Your history, your skills, your connections. Sark breaks off, inhaling the scent of her perfume. Lauren turns her head. SARK: I also like your perfume. LAUREN: What do you want? SARK: To stage a coupe. I know of three cell leaders; I believe you know the other three. I propose we eliminate them all. The salesperson knocks on the door. Sark gets it. The salesperson isn't looking and starts to hand him the dress. SALESPERSON: Look at this, it must be your lucky... day.. SARK: Actually, I believe it's my lucky day. The salesperson leaves. SARK: Once we eliminate all six cell leaders, we'll travel to St. Petersburg to meet with the head of Covenant Operations. LAUREN: Why? To make it easier for him to kill us? SARK: On the contrary. Each cell leader wears a watch containing access keys to their respective headquarters. Once we have all six keys, we'll force our ascension within the Covenant. Under threat that if they don't comply, the keys will be handed over to the CIA. LAUREN: Which color do you think my husband would prefer. SARK: I prefer the black. LAUREN: Red is his. --- Intro --- L.A. [US] - Sydney's Apartment Sydney's in her apartment with a microwave dinner. The doorbell rings. Sydney gets the door. SYDNEY: Dad. JACK: I thought we might talk business... over dinner. Over dinner... JACK: We got a lock on Cummings. She's operating out of a high-end club in Athens. You're going in as South African diamond smugglers. You've heard of her work, wanted her to upgrade your Cape Town facility. SYDNEY: How about we just tell her we're CIA and want to ask her some questions? JACK: We believe Cummings designed the security system. We're not 100%. JACK: We need to confirm her work in Chamonix first, then persuade her to detail the countermeasures she put in place at the chalet. JACK: They're prepping the mission now. Dixon will be contacting you within the hour. I expect Vaughn will be going with you. SYDNEY: Yeah, I figured. JACK: You realize it is your prerogative to ask Dixon to send someone else. SYDNEY: If Dixon sends me on an operation, I'm going. JACK: What I mean is someone instead of Vaughn. [SCENE_BREAK] L.A. [US] - Rotunda SYDNEY: I'd be more comfortable going with Weiss. The contacts, the ones you used to locate Cummings, Weiss cultivated them while working a pan-African smuggling operation. Dixon thinks about it and looks troubled, as if he's figured out why she really wants Weiss on the mission. DIXON: I'll call him in, have him meet you in tac-ops. SYDNEY: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Berlin [Germany] - parking garage GATHIRD: But the deficit must remain below 3% of GNP. Yes, Robert. Well of course, you shall see the figures. Sark's watching from a Porsche, license "S UK8415" SARK: You're on. GAITHIRD: Well, absolutely. No, there is now no question. Lauren walks around the corner by the elevators. Gathird sees Lauren. GATHIRD: Robert, would you mind terribly if I call you later? Thank you. Gaitherd gets off the phone. LAUREN: Mr. Gathird. Lauren Reed. We met before in London. GATHIRD: Of course, Ms. Reed. What are you doing here? LAUREN: There is something I was hoping we could discuss. And only a man of your position within the Covenant can help me. GATHIRD: Still, there are protocols. LAUREN: You didn't worry about protocols the last time we spoke. Gathird looks at his guards. GATHIRD: I'll meet you gentlemen upstairs. LAUREN: Mr. Gathird. I need your counsel. The CIA is aware there's a mole in their organization, and... I'm feeling vulnerable. GATHIRD: Why come to me? LAUREN: Well, you said the last time we spoke that if I ever needed anything... I need your help. Lauren whispers in his ear: LAUREN: Do you have a minute? They start making out. Lauren stabs him at about the liver, acting particularly psychotic in the process. Boo hoo. He dies. Sark gets out of the car. They drag the body behind a pillar, and Lauren removes the bracelet. SARK: You know, you're unbelievably good. LAUREN: Come on, our flight to Paris leaves in an hour. SARK, Yes, yes it does. [SCENE_BREAK] Athens [Greece] SYDNEY: There she is. BOUNCER: May I help you? WEISS: Tell Ms. Cummings her clients are here. Toni motions them over as the bouncer returns. SYDNEY: You are sweet, darling. They walk over to Toni. TONI: Sit down. Weiss introduces himself and Sydney. WEISS: John Steadman. This is Rebecca Jacobson. TONI: Toni Cummings. SYDNEY: A Pleasure. Sydney offers her hand. TONI: I prefer not to shake hands. Sit down. You want to secure a facility in Cape Town? WEISS: Yes, a diamond processing plant. We've had trouble with break-ins. The political situation there is... unstable. SYDNEY: They say we're stripping their land of its natural resources, but honestly, do you think God intended this kind of beauty to be wasted in the ground? While she says this, she flashes a diamond ring. It's terribly swank, perhaps 3 carats? TONI: Whether we end up working together or not, do me a favor, huh? Don't talk to me about God. What did God intend? Hell if I know. Not a clue. My work is good. WEISS: Yes, we know. We're very interested in one of your lethal response systems. TONI: What you're asking me to do is illegal in most countries. So, Mr. Steadman, give me one good reason why I would ever risk my ass for you. WEISS: I believe we can give you two million reasons. Sydney dumps a bunch of diamonds from a black pouch onto the table. TONI: Well... looks like y'all don't need an ATM. [SCENE_BREAK] Shortly afterward, as they walk into another room... TONI: So what did you kids have in mind? SYDNEY: Something like the system you built in Chamonix. TONI: And how do two South African rock wranglers hear about Chamonix? SYDNEY: The owner was a client. TONI: Yeah, I outdid myself on that one. If you're interested in a job like that, those stones won't even cover the down payment. They barely cover this conversation. SYDNEY: Well, then I have a counter-offer. TONI: Really? Sydney hands her CIA badge to Toni, who looks disgusted. SYDNEY: Show us the schematics for the system you built in Chamonix. Tell us how to bypass the system. In exchange, we will make sure you're treated well while in custody. WEISS: You're smart enough to know the CIA has big, wide, comfy cells with hot water, cotton sheets, and TV. We also have cramped, cold, little cells with a bare cot and a hole in the floor. See, either way, you're coming home with us. Where you live is up to you. TONI: There is no bypassing the system. [SCENE_BREAK] L.A. [US] - Rotunda. Toni Cummings is presumably out of circulation. MARSHALL: Okay. Cummings told you the chalet is virtually impenetrable. They've got three tiers of tree-mounted security cameras, plus there're military-trained guards that patrol the grounds. DIXON: Well, we need to find some way in. The Doleac agenda could mean the end of the Covenant. MARSHALL: I said virtually impenetrable. Now, the lethal response system Toni Cummings built is in a half-mile-long tunnel. And that'll serve as our way into the chalet. According to the schematics she gave us, the lethal response system is comprised of three separate zones. You've got your automated sentry guns, electrified zone, and the big finish, motion-triggered acid spray. SYDNEY: So how do we get through? MARSHALL: Well, what I'm thinking is... CARRIE: We... Marshall takes a minute to figure this out. MARSHALL: Sorry, we, she was very helpful in creating the... in fact, she's always very helpful... um... He pulls out an indestructible ball. MARSHALL: Inflatable Kevlar. Now, when you hit the first tunnel, you toss it in. The guns will lock onto it and open fire, but the ball will keep moving. Which means the guns are going to keep firing until... oops... they're out of ammunition. Okay? MARSHALL: Now you're at the electrified zone. Cummings told us she armed the tunnel with 150000 volts which will be a 15 on this meter. You'll want to double check it when you get there, but don't worry because the rubberized neoprene layer you will be wearing will protect you even if this clocks in at 25. SYDNEY: And the acid bath? CARRIE: We're working on that. And we need to figure out a way to get around the alarm diagnostics. MARSHALL: Right. CARRIE: Ow. MARSHALL: What? CARRIE: God. I'm sorry, the baby's kicking. MARSHALL: Really? Because he or she is usually pretty inactive at this time. Yeah, doesn't... CARRIE: You keep track of when the baby kicks? MARSHALL: Well, yeah. Maybe it's something you ate. SYDNEY: Carrie, are you okay? CARRIE: Yeah, I'm good. It's just, the baby's kicking. I'm good. [SCENE_BREAK] Unknown location. Unidentified hands light a lighter. A spoon is held over it, and a green liquid in the spoon is drawn into a syringe. There's a wider view, and there's an open box on a table that looks like a plain black VHS tape case, a vial like the one Cole tried to steal from SD-6 only this one has a green tint. There's a book behind the tape case with the center cut out. Obviously whoever this is keeps the vial hidden in the case, in the book, on a bookshelf. Who could it be? And the left wrist has a nice watch. Then... it's Sloane. In Zurich. He injects whatever it is, then calls Jack. Zurich [Switzerland] - OmniFam JACK: Hello. SLOANE: Jack, it's Arvin. When you suggested I see a therapist, perhaps you were right. [SCENE_BREAK] Zurich [Switzerland] - OmniFam Barnett is sitting across from Sloane. Nobody's talking. SLOANE: I'm supposed to say something important. BARNETT: You can say anything. SLOANE: You're far more attractive than I imagined. Dr. Barnett doesn't miss a beat. BARNETT: What did you imagine? SLOANE: I checked up on you. Yale, Columbia, prestigious internship at Mass. General. And then you end up as a GS-18 buried in some cubicle at Langley. BARNETT: I wanted to serve my country, and I found that people who worked in intelligence had to grapple with some serious issues, living duplicitous lives, compartmentalizing the personal and professional. It's a difficult challenge. SLOANE: I presume that you treated Sydney and Jack Bristow before. BARNETT: I can't discuss other patients with you. SLOANE: Then they were your patients? BARNETT: I am not here to play games with you, Mr. Sloane. SLOANE: Dr. Barnett, how can we possibly have an honest conversation if we can't talk about the two most important people in my life? BARNETT: You... can talk about them. SLOANE: I'm sorry you came so far, Dr. Barnett. BARNETT: I can stay as long as it takes. We can just sit here until you feel more comfortable talking. SLOANE: I'm afraid that day will never come. BARNETT: Well, I will be staying in Zurich for two more days. I urge you to consider that after I return to the States, you'll still be feeling whatever it is that you were compelled to call me here for in the first place. Here's my number if you change your mind. She hands him her business card. [SCENE_BREAK] L.A. [US] - Rotunda DIXON: We just received intel that 12 hours ago, Johannes Gathird, the executive director of the Dryden Bank, was murdered in the garage of his Berlin office. Gerhardt Kronish, CFO of ? Telecom, was found dead in Paris 40 minutes ago. JACK: Unconfirmed intel suggests that both were high-ranking members of the Covenant. SYDNEY: They must know we're after the Doleac Agenda. They're killing the names off the list before we can get to them. JACK: Apparently so. Marshall rushes in. MARSHALL: Hi. Uh, sorry. Is it true you're moving up the timetable on the mission to the Alps? DIXON: Yes, we're discussing that now. Sydney and Vaughn, there's a plane waiting to take you back to Chamonix. MARSHALL: Uh, the override on the building to bypass the lethal response system. Haven't quite cracked it yet. DIXON: How long do you need? MARSHALL: Well, assuming I'm a genius... six hours. DIXON: Can it work remotely? MARSHALL: Yeah, I don't see why not, but it would require someone to execute an uplink in Chamonix. DIXON: Jack, you'll go with them and handle the uplink. The three of you, wheels up in 15 minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] Sydney and Vaughn are on a plane. Jack's out of sight. VAUGHN: Comms and encryption synchronized? SYDNEY: High band protocol, Marshall tweaked them so there's no delay. VAUGHN: I know you requested Weiss for the last mission. I understand. SYDNEY: Every day I wish I could go back in time, but I can't. And as much as I... as much as I still have feelings for you, I won't be the other woman, not ever. VAUGHN: I know. Jack walks up. JACK: According to Lisenker, the Doleac Agenda is hidden in the wine cellar. It's encrypted on a microdot that Lisenker injected into the cork of a bottle of Chateau Margaux, vintage 1953. He doesn't think Sydney's been paying attention... JACK: Sydney? SYDNEY: Chateau Margaux, 1953, got it. [SCENE_BREAK] Salzburg [Germany] - Unknown hotel room Lauren's cell phone rings. Lauren and Sark are killing someone. LAUREN: Hello? VAUGHN: Hi. LAUREN: Michael. Where are you, or can't you say? VAUGHN: I'll be out of town for a day or so, are you alright? LAUREN: I just miss you. When you get back I'll make you some dinner. Something delicious. VAUGHN: It's a date. LAUREN: Be safe, love. Lauren walks over to where Sark just finished killing someone in a hotel room. She takes the bracelet off of the corpse, and walks away. Sark ogles her. [SCENE_BREAK] Chamonix [France] - chalet JACK: Watchtower's in position. SYDNEY: Copy that. How's our position? JACK: You look clear. Establishing uplink. JACK: Base Camp, I've established a link to the security server. Are you receiving the signal? MARSHALL: Uplink is five by five. We're tapped into their security network and I'm accessing now. SYDNEY: We're in position at the tunnel entrance. JACK: Copy, Mountaineer. You're patched through to Base Camp. MARSHALL: Okay, you're going to have to take each kill zone one at a time, but don't sweat it because you could bet your life on that gear I gave you. Well, maybe not your... my life you can bet, that's fine. What I'm going to do is sever the kill zones' diagnostics from the main system so the guards won't know you're there. SYDNEY: For how long? MARSHALL: Well, you'll need to get through the lethal response system, into the wine cellar, and back again in five minutes. SYDNEY: Start the clock, Base Camp. MARSHALL: And five minute countdown has been activated. SYDNEY: Initiating phase 1 of lethal response system. SYDNEY: Inflating decoy. Sydney throws the decoy. The miniguns fire and run out of ammo. SYDNEY: We've cleared the guns. JACK: Copy, Mountaineer. --Rotunda-- MARSHALL: Four minutes and ten seconds remaining. The door opens at the Rotunda. CARRIE: Marshall. MARSHALL: What? CARRIE: It's time. MARSHALL: Time for what? CARRIE: The baby... I'm having a baby. MARSHALL: Oh, God. Okay, don't panic. Here, just sit down. We should probably get you some hot water, towel, ginger ale, no hospital, we should get her to a... WEISS: Ambulance is on its way. CARRIE: I don't want to go until we're married. MARSHALL: You want to get married to me now? CARRIE: Yes. Marshall points at Weiss and runs for the computer. MARSHALL: You can do it. WEISS: What? MARSHALL: You can be certified online in minutes. CARRIE: He can? WEISS: I can? --Chamonix-- SYDNEY: Base Camp, Mountaineer and Boyscout are at the electrified zone. --Rotunda-- Marshall grabs a printout, hands it to Weiss. MARSHALL: Sign here. SYDNEY: Marshall! Marshall! Weiss reads the printout... WEISS: "Exalted minister of the Internet Church of Mammals"? CARRIE: Oh, just sign it for the love of God. --Chamonix-- SYDNEY: Initiating voltage reading. SYDNEY: The reading said 50. WEISS: Well then you'll have to abort. Your suits are not equipped to handle that much voltage. You need to get out. VAUGHN: 500,000 volts? That's got to be a mistake. Sydney drops a glove and electricity arcs to it. It hits the floor burning. MARSHALL: You've got three minutes. They tie a rope to a water pipe so they can climb down the center of the zone. VAUGHN: Stay away from the sides and the ladder. Only go down the center. Okay. As soon as I hit the ground, go. MARSHALL: Okay, you have 2 minutes and 30 seconds Mountaineer. Vaughn gets to the bottom. MARSHALL: Okay, 2 minutes and 17. Sydney climbs down. VAUGHN: Syd, stay to the center. The pipe partially breaks. Arcs of electricity somehow don't hit her. VAUGHN: Sydney, are you okay? SYDNEY: I'm okay. SYDNEY: We've cleared the second tunnel. JACK: Copy, Mountaineer. MARSHALL: Mountaineer, you've got a minute 45. MARSHALL: Okay, breathe honey. Breathe. SYDNEY: Approaching the third countermeasure. Acid kill zone. We're firing the sealant. VAUGHN: Okay, let's go. SYDNEY: Base Camp, the sealant had better hold. MARSHALL: You're good, Mountaineer. --Rotunda-- WEISS: Marshall, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? MARSHALL: I do. WEISS: And Carrie, do you, uh, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? She hesitates. Or maybe she's having labor pains. Who knows. Marshall, trying to look as charming as possible, attempts to fixes his hair. WEISS: Take a second... CARRIE: I do. WEISS: Then by the power invested in me by the Church of Mammals... CARRIE: Oh, the, okay... I've got to go to the hospital. WEISS: I now pronounce you man and wife. Carrie's going out the door. MARSHALL: I love you Mrs. Flinkman. CARRIE: I'm keeping my name. MARSHALL: Fine. --Chamonix-- SYDNEY: We're at the wine cellar. MARSHALL: Copy that. You only have a minute left until the alarm system is back online. Oh, and by the way I just got married. In the wine cellar... VAUGHN: Look for the '53 Chateau Margaux. MARSHALL: 30 seconds. SYDNEY: '59... VAUGHN: '40... SYDNEY: '58... SYDNEY: Got it. MARSHALL: 20 seconds. Mountaineer, report. A Covenant goon shows up, looking for wine. MARSHALL: Mountaineer, Boyscout, oh God get out! The alarm goes off. Security guards arrive and ruin a bunch of wine. Sydney and Vaughn make it out. The guards get showered with acid. MARSHALL: All security teams have been alerted to your position, Mountaineer. [SCENE_BREAK] (I think this is what the soldier says...) SOLDIER: Averti! Jack shoots him. From behind. JACK: Let's go. VAUGHN: Boyscout and Mountaineer are clear. Proceeding to the rendezvous point. MARSHALL: Copy that. Oh, I've got to go. My wife's having a baby. SYDNEY: Congratulations. MARSHALL: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Zurich [Switzerland] - OmniFam Sloane pours some water. Barnett walks in. BARNETT: There's something you should know. I spent three years studying you for my post-doctorate dissertation. The Agency gave me complete access to your files from SD-6. I know the decisions you made, the people you killed, I know what happened to your wife, and to some degree I understand you Arvin, and I can help you if you let me try. [SCENE_BREAK] Unknown location Lauren and Sark have just killed the sixth cell leader. LAUREN: I'll go to Los Angeles. You go to St. Petersburg and present our offer to the head of Operations. When he agrees to our terms, contact me. SARK: You're not worried that I might fail to include your role in this, are you? LAUREN: Not in the least. Especially since I'll be keeping these. They kiss for awhile. [SCENE_BREAK] Zurich [Switzerland] - OmniFam Sloane and Barnett are sitting at the table again. SLOANE: I manipulate people. I'm good at that, and I know it. I lie. I keep secrets. I divulge only what I must in order to elicit the reaction I need. That skill, in part, is why I'm still alive. One of those secrets affects the only two people I care about in the world, Sydney and Jack Bristow. There are many secrets I enjoy keeping. There is power in secrets that you keep. But this one, no. This one wears on me. It has for many years. It's central to my very existence. It's who I am. BARNETT: You were saying? Sloane nods. SLOANE: I appreciate you coming back, I really do. I can't do this. BARNETT: Arvin, it's important. SLOANE: I think you should leave, right now. [SCENE_BREAK] St. Petersburg [Russia] - Covenant meeting Sark is waiting in a dining room. COLE: Mr. Sark! SARK: McKennas Cole. COLE: Your hair! That's cool! SARK: You're the man behind the Covenant. COLE: I'm the man in front of the man. COLE: When'd you cut your hair? SARK: It wasn't a matter of choice. I was in U.S. custody, as I thought you were. When were you released? Cole laughs. COLE: That's a good story. To your hair. They toast. Cole had poured champagne while they were talking. COLE: I'll be the senior-most Covenant representative that you'll be dealing with. Anything that you can say to the big boss, you can say to me. I assume you have something to say. SARK: I've come to make an offer. COLE: Wouldn't by chance have anything to do with the cell leaders that you wiped out? It's amazing the stuff I know, isn't it? So what do you suppose we do about that... the fact that you murdered our cell leaders? Sark looks worried, he's trying to figure out how to weasel his way out of this. SARK: I presume that you're smart enough to know... Sark pauses, searching for an excuse... SARK: That I was acting in the Covenant's best interest. COLE: Julian, don't do that. I can see right now that you're scared. But you don't need to be scared of me. In fact, I have a present for you. Voila. Look familiar? And also, two more. Two after that. And one, last one. He's just taken out the six cell leaders' bracelets and put them on a table. COLE: Did I just blow your mind? Lauren walks in. Sark looks hurt, betrayed, or maybe confused. COLE: See, when you first pitched your scheme to Ms. Reed, she gave me a call. The truth of the matter is, you two had my double thumbs-up from the get-go. Why? Because the CIA is after the Doleac Agenda. Assume they get it. They will have the names of the cell leaders. You just made my life so much easier, because now those names are irrelevant. SARK: A woman after my own heart. COLE: Glad to hear that, because you two are going to continue working together. You're going to be heading up our new North American cell. SARK: That sounds just about right. COLE: You're cockier than I am. I love that about you. Cole takes Lauren aside. COLE: Of course, this doesn't absolve you of your responsibilities working overtime as an agent of Uncle Sam. LAUREN: Of course. COLE: But in the meantime, may I suggest, and this is just a suggestion, that you put the kibosh on your husband's extracurricular sextivities. He hands her an envelope, the contents of which are not shown. [SCENE_BREAK] L.A. [US] - Rotunda Sydney walks over to her desk. Lauren arrives. SYDNEY: Lauren, hey. Did you hear about Carrie? She had her baby. LAUREN: I see what's going on between you and Michael, so let me be clear. Stay the hell away from my husband.	Plan: A: The Covenant defector; Q: Who is Lisenker? A: the location; Q: What does Lisenker reveal about the Doleac Agenda? A: the Doleac Agenda; Q: What is the name of the microdisc that contains information about the Covenant cells? A: a chalet; Q: Where is the Doleac Agenda located? A: security expert Toni Cummings; Q: Who designed the protection system for the Doleac Agenda? A: diamond smugglers; Q: What were Sydney and Weiss posing as? A: the security systems; Q: What did Sydney and Weiss obtain schematics of? A: the lethal response security; Q: What security system did Sydney and Weiss bypass? A: the Agenda; Q: What do Sydney and Weiss escape with? A: CIA psychologist; Q: Who is Dr. Barnett? A: only two; Q: How many people does Sloane care about in the world? A: Jack; Q: Who is the other person Sloane cares about? A: Sark; Q: Who proposes that Lauren stage a coup? A: Lauren; Q: Who did Sark reveal his secret to? A: all six cell leaders; Q: Who did Sark propose to kill? A: access keys; Q: What does Sark threaten to give the CIA? A: McKenas Cole; Q: Who did Sark meet after killing the Covenant leaders? A: their intentions; Q: What did Lauren tell McKenas Cole? A: their identities; Q: What did the CIA want to learn about the Covenant leaders? A: a reward; Q: Why does Cole make Sark and Lauren the heads of the North American cell? A: the North American cell; Q: What cell does Cole make Sark and Lauren the heads of? Summary: The Covenant defector, Lisenker, discloses the location of the Doleac Agenda, a microdisc which contains information about the six Covenant cells. It is in a chalet with a protection system designed by security expert Toni Cummings, whom Sydney and Weiss meet while posing as diamond smugglers. They obtain schematics of the security systems, bypass the lethal response security and escape with the Agenda. Sloane meets with CIA psychologist Dr. Barnett and reveals that he has a secret that affects the only two people he cares about in the world, Sydney and Jack. Sark meets with Lauren and reveals that he knows her affiliation with The Covenant. He proposes that they stage a coup, kill all six cell leaders and demand ascension within The Covenant by threatening to present the CIA with access keys kept by each of the leaders. After killing the leaders, Sark meets with McKenas Cole who then reveals that Lauren had informed him of their intentions and was happy that the leaders were dead since the CIA were soon to learn of their identities. As a reward, Cole makes Sark and Lauren the heads of the North American cell.
Scene: Sheldon and Leonard's apartment. Sheldon, Leonard, Howard and Raj are using laptops. All are wearing microphone headsets. Howard: Alright, just a few more feet, and.... here we are gentlemen, the Gates of Elzebub. Sheldon: Good lord! Raj: Oooh. Leonard: Don't panic, this is what the last 97 hours have been about. Howard: Stay frosty, there's a horde of armed goblins on the other side of that gate guarding the Sword of Azeroth. Leonard: Warriors, unsheathe your weapons, magic wielders raise your wands. Sheldon: Lock and load. Howard: Raj, blow up the gates. Raj: Blowing the gates. Control, shift, B! Oh, my God, so many goblins! Howard: Don't just stand there, slash and move, slash and move. Leonard: Stay in formation. Howard: Leonard, you've got one on your tail. Leonard: That's alright, my tail's prehensile, I'll swat him off. Raj: I've got him Leonard. Tonight I spice my meat with goblin blood! Leonard: Raj, no, it's a trap, they're flanking us! Raj: Oooh, he's got me. Howard: Sheldon, he's got Raj, use your sleath spell. Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon: I've got the Sword of Azeroth! Leonard: Forget the sword, Sheldon, help Raj. Sheldon: There is no more Sheldon, I am the Swordmaster! Howard: Leonard look out! Leonard: Dammit man, we're dying here. Sheldon: Goodbye, peasants. Leonard: The bstrd teleported. Raj: He's selling the Sword of Azeroth on ebay. Leonard: You betrayed us for money, who are you? Sheldon: I'm a rogue knight elf, don't you people read character descriptions? Wait, wait, wait, somebody just clicked "buy it now." Howard: I am the Swordmaster! Credits sequence Scene: The same. Sheldon: Wooh, I'm all sweaty, anybody want to log on to second life and go swimming, I just built a virtual pool. Leonard: No, I can't look at you or your avatar right now. (Sound of female laughter from out in the hall). Howard: Sounds like your neighbour's home. Leonard: Excuse me. Sheldon: Don't forget the mail you took accidentally on purpose so you'd have an excuse to talk to her. Leonard: Oh, right, right right right right. Howard: Stealing snail mail, very old school, I like it. Leonard (exiting to hallway): Penny, the mailman did it again, he... (looks up to see Penny kissing a hunky man) Oh! Sorry. Penny: Um, no, hi Leonard, this is Doug, Doug, this is my neighbour Leonard. Doug: What's up bro. Leonard: Not much. Bro. Penny: Is, is everything okay. Leonard: Uh, yeah, uh, I just, I got your mail again, here. Penny: Thank you, I've got to talk to that mailman. Leonard: Oh no, that's probably not such a good idea. Civil servants have a documented propensity to, you know, snap. Penny: Okay, well, thank you, again. Leonard: No problem. Bye. Oh, and, bye, bro! (Returns to apartment). Sheldon: Penny for your thoughts. Raj: What's the matter. Leonard: No, I'm fine. Penny's fine, the guy she's kissing is really fine and... Howard: Kissing, what kind of kissing? Cheeks? Lips? Chaste? French? Leonard: What is wrong with you? Howard: I'm a romantic. Sheldon: Please don't tell me that your hopeless infatuation is devolving into pointless jealousy. Leonard: No, I'm not jealous, I'm just a little concerned for her. I didn't like the look of the guy that she was with. Howard: Because he looked better than you? Leonard: Yeah. He was kinda dreamy. Sheldon: Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smouldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her, and analyse the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again. Howard: I disagree, love is not a sprint, it's a marathon. A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms. Or hits you with the pepper spray. Leonard: Well, I'm done with Penny. I'm going to be more realistic and go after someone my own speed. Raj: Like who? Leonard: I don't know. Olivia Geiger? Sheldon: The dietician at the cafeteria with the limp and the lazy eye? Leonard: Yeah. Sheldon: Well, I don't think you have a shot there. I have noticed that Lesley Winkle recently started shaving her legs. Now, given that winter is coming one can only assume that she is signalling sexual availability. Howard: I don't know, you guys work in the same lab. Leonard: So? Howard: There are pitfalls, trust me, I know. When it comes to sexual harassment law I'm... a bit of a self-taught expert. Leonard: Look, Howard, if I were to ask Lesley Winkle out it would just be for dinner, I'm not going to walk into the lab, ask her to strip naked and dance for me. Howard: Oh, then you're probably okay. Scene: Howard and Lesley's lab. Leonard: Hello Lesley. Lesley: Hi Leonard. Leonard: Lesley I would like to propose an experiment. Lesley: Goggles, Leonard. Leonard: Right. Lesley, I would like to propose an experiment. Lesley: Hang on. I'm trying to see how long it takes a five hundred kilowatt oxygen iodine laser to heat up my cup o' noodles. Leonard: Pfff, I've done it, about two seconds, 2.6 for minestrone. Anyway, I was thinking more of a bio-social exploration with a neuro-chemical overlay. Lesley: Wait, are you asking me out? Leonard: I was going to characterise it as the modification of our colleague/friendship paradigm, with the addition of a date-like component. But we don't need to quibble over terminology. Lesley: What sort of experiment would you propose? Leonard: There is a generally accepted pattern in this area, I would pick you up, take you to a restaurant, then we would see a movie, probably a romantic comedy featuring the talents of Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock. Lesley: Interesting. And would you agree that the primary way we would evaluate either the success or failure of the date would be based on the bio-chemical reaction during the goodnight kiss. Leonard: Heartrate, pheromones, etc, yes. Lesley: Well, why don't we just stipulate that the date goes well and move to the key variable. Leonard: You mean, kiss you now? Lesley: Yes. Leonard: Can you define the parameters of the kiss? Lesley: Closed mouth but romantic. Mint? Leonard: Thank you. (Takes mint). Shall I count down from three? Lesley: No, I think it needs to be spontaneous. (They kiss.) Lesley: What do you think. Leonard: You proposed the experiment, I think you should present your findings first. Lesley: Fair enough. On the plus side, it was a good kiss, reasonable technique, no extraneous spittle. On the other hand, no arousal. Leonard: None? Lesley: None. Leonard: Ah. Well, thank you for your time. Lesley: Thank you. (They shake hands. Leonard leaves. Then returns.) Leonard: None at all? Scene: Sheldon and Leonard's flat. Sheldon, Raj and Howard are playing Jenga. Howard: Sheldon, if you were a robot, and I knew and you didn't, would you want me to tell you? Sheldon: That depends. When I learn that I'm a robot, will I be able to handle it? Howard: Maybe, although the history of science-fiction is not on your side. Sheldon: Uh, let me ask you this. When I learn that I'm a robot, would I be bound by Asimov's three laws of robotics? Raj: You might be bound by them right now. Howard: That's true. Have you ever harmed a human being, or through inaction allowed a human being to come to harm? Sheldon: Of course not. Howard: Have you ever harmed yourself, or allowed yourself to be harmed except in cases where a human being would have been endangered? Sheldon: Well, no. Howard: I smell robot. Leonard (entering): Hey, what's going on. Sheldon: The internet's been down for half an hour. Raj: Also, Sheldon may be a robot. Howard: So, how did it go with Lesley? Leonard: Oh, we tried kissing, but the earth didn't move. I mean any more than the 383 miles that it was going to move anyway. Sheldon: Oh, I've seen that look before. This is just going to be two weeks of moping and tedious emo songs, and calling me to come down to pet stores to look at cats. I don't know if I can take it. Raj: You could power down. Howard: Well, as usual, Wolowitz has the solution. I happen to know a place where there are plenty of eligible women, and Leonard could have his pick. Scene: A salsa class. The four guys and a random fat bloke salsa opposite five middle-aged women. Class instructor: Remember the Latin hips. Shoulders stay still, and we sway. One two three. Five six seven. Howard (to Leonard): I think Mrs Tishman's got her eye on you. I've been there, you're in for a treat. Scene: The flat, Leonard is entering, singing to himself a depressing emo song. Sheldon: Oh, good lord. Leonard (singing): You don't know me, you don't wear my chains... God, that's a good song. Sheldon: If you're compiling a mix CD for a double suicide. (Leonard is taking supplies out of a bag) Oh, I hope that scratching post is for you. Leonard: I know what you're thinking, I've taken your asthma into account. There's a feline geneticist in San Diego who has developed the cutest little hypo-allergenic calicos. Sheldon: Leonard, listen to me... Leonard: I've been thinking about names, I'm kind of torn between Einstein, Newton and Sergeant Fuzzyboots. Sheldon: Leonard, do you really think you can satisfy your need for a relationship with a genetically altered cat? Leonard: Maybe, if it's a cute little cuddly cat. Sheldon: Oh, come on, Leonard! This is obviously about Penny. Leonard: It doesn't matter. The woman's not interested in me, the woman rejected me. Sheldon: Okay, look, I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the centre of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker. Nevertheless, I do feel obligated to point out to you that she did no reject you. You did not ask her out. Leonard: You're right. I didn't ask her out, I should ask her out. Sheldon: No. No, now that was not my point. My point was, don't buy a cat. Leonard: No, but you're right. I should march over there and ask her out. Sheldon: Oh, goody, we're getting a cat. Scene: The hallway. Leonard knocks on Penny's door. Penny (opening door): Ah, hey Leonard. Leonard: Good afternoon Penny, so hi, hey. Uh... I was wondering if you had plans for dinner. Penny: Uh, do you mean dinner tonight? Leonard: There is an inherent ambiguity in the word dinner. Technically it refers to the largest meal of the day whenever it is consumed, so, to clarify here, by dinner I mean supper. Penny: Supper? Leonard: Or dinner. I was thinking six thirty, if you can go, or a different time. Penny: Uh, six thirty's great. Leonard: Really? Great! Penny: Yeah, I like hanging out with you guys. Leonard: Us guys? Penny: You know, Sheldon, Howard, Raj, who all's coming? Leonard: They.... might all be there. Or a subset of them might be there, uh, algebraically speaking there are too many unknowns, for example Sheldon had Quizznos for lunch, sometimes he finds that filling, other times he doesn't, it's no fault of Quizznos, they have a varied menu. Penny: Okay, whatever, it sounds like fun. Leonard: Great. Did we say a time? Penny: Six thirty. Leonard: And that's still good for you. Penny: It's fine. Leonard: Cos it's not carved in stone. Penny: No, six thirty's great. Leonard: I'll get my chisel. Penny: Why? Leonard: To... carve the... okay, I'll see you six thirty. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Sheldon and Leonard's apartment. Leonard enters from bedrooms, dressed in a smart shirt and trousers. They are covered in sweat stains. Leonard: How do I look? Sheldon: Could you be more specific? Leonard: Can you tell I'm perspiring a little? Sheldon: No. The dark crescent-shaped patterns under your arms conceal it nicely. What time is your date? Leonard: Six thirty. Sheldon: Perfect, that gives you two hours and fifteen minutes for that dense molecular cloud of Aramis to dissipate. Leonard: Is it too much? Sheldon: Not if you're a rugby team. Leonard: By the way, if it should ever come up, you didn't join us because you stuffed yourself with a chicken carbonara sub at Quizznos. Sheldon: Why would I join you? Leonard: No reason. Oh, you know what, maybe this isn't such a good idea. Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, well now, there's always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgement on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening. Leonard: You're right, alcohol, poor judgement, it could go well. Sheldon: Of course, there's the other possibility that this date kicks off a rather unpleasant six months of the two of you passing awkwardly in the hall until one of you breaks down and moves to another zip code. Leonard: You could have stopped at "it could go well." Sheldon: If I could of, I would of. Leonard: I mean, I'm a perfectly nice guy. There's no reason we couldn't go to the restaurant and have a lovely dinner. Maybe take a walk afterwards, talk about things we have in common, "you love pottery? I love pottery!" You know, there's a pause, we both know what's happening, I lean in, we kiss, it's a little tentative at first but then I realise, she's kissing me back, and she's biting my lower lip, you know, she wants me, this thing is going the distance, we're going to have sx! Oh God! Oh, my God! Sheldon: Is the sx starting now? Leonard: I'm having a panic attack. Sheldon: Oh, okay, well then, calm down. Leonard: If I could calm down I wouldn't be having a panic attack, that's why they call it a panic attack. Sheldon: Alright, alright, well, just, sit down, yes, sit down, now close your eyes. Leonard: Why? Sheldon: Just do it. Leonard: Okay. Sheldon: Now try to increase your alpha-wave activity. Leonard: What? Sheldon: It's a bio-feedback technique, it's relaxation through brain-wave manipulation, I read a paper about it in the Journal of American Neuroscience, it was a little sparsely sourced but I think the basic science is valid, I probably have it here somewhere. Leonard: Oh, who am I kidding, I can't go through with this, you need to call her and cancel. Sheldon: Me? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: What should I tell her. Leonard: I don't know. Tell her I'm sick. Sheldon: Okay. Leonard: Not the kind of illness that will make her want to come over and take care of me, but nothing so critical that she'll feel uncomfortable going out with me in the future if I want to try this again. Sheldon: Got it. So I'm assuming nothing venereal. I'll just tell her that you had a routine colonoscopy and haven't quite bounced back. Leonard: Give me the phone. Sheldon: But I thought you wanted to cancel? Leonard: I can't because if I don't show up she'll still be expecting you. Sheldon: Why would she be expecting me? Leonard: Stop asking me all these questions, I need to take another shower. Scene: A restaurant. Penny: So are the rest of the guys meeting us here? Leonard: Oh, yeah, no. Turns out that Raj and Howard had to work, and Sheldon had a colonoscopy and he hasn't quite bounced back yet. Penny: Ooh, my uncle just had a colonoscopy. Leonard: You're kidding, well, then, that's something we have in common. Penny: How? Leonard: We both have people in our lives who... want to nip intestinal polyps in the bud. Penny: So, what's new in the world of physics? Leonard: Nothing. Penny: Really, nothing? Leonard: Well, with the exception of string theory, not much has happened since the 1930's, and you can't prove string theory, at best you can say "hey, look, my idea has an internal logical consistency." Penny: Ah. Well I'm sure things will pick up. Leonard: What's new at the Cheesecake Factory? Penny: Oh, uh, not much. We do have a chocolate key lime that's moving pretty well. Leonard: Good. Good. And what about your, uh, hallway friend. Penny: Doug? Oh, yeah, I dunno, I mean, he's nice and funny, but... Waitress: Can I get you started with some drinks? Leonard: No, (waves her away) You were saying, but... Penny: I'd like a drink. Leonard: Just say the but thing about Doug and then I'll get her back. Penny: Okay, well, you know, it's just me. I'm still getting over this break-up with Kurt, and this thing with Doug would be just rebound sx. Leonard: Ugh, don't get me started on rebound sx. Penny: It's just, it's my pattern. I break up, then I find some cute guy, and then it's just thirty six meaningless of... well, you know. Leonard: I'm not sure that I do. Um, is that one thirty-six hour experience, or is it thirty six hours spread out over say, one... glorious summer. Penny: No, it's usually over a weekend, and trust me, you do not feel good after it. Leonard: Well, chafing, right? Penny: Emotionally. Leonard: Of course, yeah, emotional chafing. Hey, do you want to see something cool? (Penny nods.) I can make this olive go into this glass without touching it. Penny: How? Leonard: Physics. (He places the glass over the olive and spins it until the olive gets caught up on the side). Penny: Wow, centrifugal force! Leonard: Actually, it's centripetal force, which is an inward force generated by the glass acting on the olive. (The olive drops.) Excuse me. (Leonard disappears under table.)Now, if you were riding on the olive, you'd be in a non-inertial reference frame, and would (he bangs his head on the underside of the table.) Penny: Are you okay? Leonard: Yeah, I'm okay. Did you spill ketchup? Penny: No. Leonard: I'm not okay. Scene: The stairwell of the apartment building. Penny: Are you sure you don't want to go to the emergency room? Leonard: No, no, I'm okay, it's stopped bleeding. Penny: I know, but you did throw up. Isn't that a sign of a concussion? Leonard: Yes, but I get car sick too, so... Penny: Okay. Leonard: Sorry about your car, by the way. Penny: Oh, no, it's fine, you got most of it out the window. Leonard: The poor guy on the bike. I had a nice time. Penny: Yeah, me too. Um, good night. (Leonard turns across hallway.) Leonard? Leonard: Yeah. Penny: Was this supposed to be a date? Leonard: This? No. No, of course not, this was just you and me hanging out with a bunch of guys who didn't show up, because of work and a colonoscopy. Penny: Okay, I was just checking. Leonard: When I take a girl out on a date, and I do, she knows she's been dated. Capital D. Bold face, underline, like Day-ted. I think I might have a little concussion, I'm going to go lay down for a while, good night. Scene: The apartment, Leonard enters. Sheldon: So, how was your date? Leonard: Awesome! Sheldon: Score one for liquor and poor judgement.	Plan: A: a man; Q: Who did Penny kiss in front of her apartment door? A: Leonard; Q: Who is devastated when Penny rejects him? A: fellow scientist Leslie Winkle; Q: Who does Leonard approach to date at work? A: the usual dating procedure; Q: What did Leslie Winkle try to strip down to its essentials? A: a kiss; Q: What did Leslie Winkle suggest Leonard fast forward to? A: their kiss; Q: What did Penny find good but unexciting? A: a cat; Q: What does Leonard think of buying to help him get over Penny? A: Sheldon; Q: Who points out that Leonard was not actually rejected by Penny? A: later episodes; Q: When does Leonard get asthma? A: dinner; Q: What does Leonard ask Penny out to? A: all the guys; Q: Who does Penny think Leonard wants to hang out with? A: the date; Q: What does Leonard devise reasons for the absence of the guys from? A: her boyfriend; Q: What did Penny say the man Leonard saw kissing wasn't? A: relationships; Q: What does Penny say casual weekend sex helps her get over? A: his confidence; Q: What does Leonard regain after he asks Penny out? A: the courage; Q: What did Leonard not find to reveal his true feelings to Penny? Summary: When he sees Penny kissing a man in front of her apartment door, Leonard is devastated that she has "rejected" him. The guys persuade him to date someone at work, so he approaches fellow scientist Leslie Winkle. In an experiment to strip the usual dating procedure to its essentials, she suggests fast forwarding to a kiss. She finds their kiss good but unexciting, so she turns him down. As Leonard becomes more depressed, thinking of buying a cat (hypoallergenic in view of Sheldon's asthma - though in later episodes Leonard is the one with asthma), Sheldon points out Leonard was not actually rejected by Penny as he never asked her out, so Leonard asks her out to dinner. As she misinterprets this as an invitation to hang out with all the guys, he devises reasons for their absence from the date. Penny says the man Leonard saw was not her boyfriend: casual weekend sex helps her get over relationships. Leonard, excited, regains his confidence, but he accidentally hurts himself and Penny has to take him home. In the end, Leonard does not find the courage to reveal his true feelings to Penny, though she suspected what he was up to.
LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill. [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GROUNDS - DAY] (Haley and Nathan walk together just outside of the school building.) NATHAN: (v.o) I'm here to talk about- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RECORDING STUDIO - RECORDING ROOM - EVENING] (Nathan is talking to Chris.) NATHAN: -Haley and her music (pause) not Haley and me. CHRIS: They're the same thing. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE MOTEL - ELLIE'S ROOM - EVENING] (Peyton looks down at the chest of drawers with a pained expression.) PEYTON: (v.o) I think you're just a lying junkie (cut to a shot of the cancer survivor bracelet) who probably doesn't even have cancer. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Peyton glares at Ellie, her expression closed and her arms crossed.) PEYTON: Just get out, Ellie. ELLIE: (beat) OK. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - WINDOW - DAY] (Karen stands in the café, putting up her signs for her mayoral campaign when a vehicle pulls up and the reflection is seen in the window. Karen slowly lowers her sign. Dan gets out of the vehicle which has a huge billboard of himself, smiling, on the side. He turns to look at Karen and Deb standing at the window.) DEB: (v.o) You're gonna need a bigger sign. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GILRS LOCKER ROOM - DAY] (Brooke shakes a bag full of compacts and holds it out to the cheerleaders.) BROOKE: (v.o) Here's how the Fantasy Boy Draft works: (Bevin and Rachel take compacts.) BROOKE: Once you pick a guy, he is yours for the season, which means he is off the market and on one else can touch him (looks pointedly at Bevin) got it, Bevin? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (All the cheerleaders sit in front of a white board as each girl shouts out which 'Boy' they pick.) BROOKE: P. Sawyer, you've got the first pick and you are on the clock. PEYTON: Mouth McFadden. BROOKE: I pick Chris Keller, (to Rachel) ha! ASHLEY: Chris goes to Brooke! (writes it down) BROOKE: Bevin, you're next. BEVIN: (anxiously) Uh, actually, I- RACHEL: There's been a trade. BROOKE: (stunned) What? RACHEL: And I pick Lucas. ASHLEY: Lucas Scott to Rachel. BROOKE: But, she can't- HALEY: I pick Nathan! ASHLEY: Nathan Scott to Haley! BROOKE: Wait- BEVIN: (holding a hand up) I get Skills. ASHLEY: Skills to Bevin- (Bevin claps and stands.) BROOKE: Wait! BEVIN: This is awesome; we all got who we wanted! (Brooke glowers at Rachel as the camera zooms in on Rachel's smirking face.) BEVIN: (v.o) Great idea, Brooke. (Brooke narrows her eyes.) FADE TO BLACK: END OF PREVIOUSLY ON: OPENING CREDITS ROLL: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - BROOKE AND HALEY'S BEDROOM - DAY] (The camera travels up Brooke's legs and carries on to her face. She's asleep. She opens her eyes, smiles and closes them again. Someone inhales from behind her and Lucas' head pops up. He sighs happily and moves over to her.) LUCAS: Morning, babe. (Brooke sighs tiredly.) (The alarm clock rings and the music falters.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - DAY] (Lucas wakes up, frowns, and reaches over, turning the alarm off. He sighs and lies back in bed.) (Chris is beside him and reaches over.) CHRIS: Morning, baby. (Chris puts his hand around Lucas and snuggles. Lucas doesn't make a noise.) (The music falters again. Another alarm clock sounds.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - BROOKE AND HALEY'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Haley wakes up from her dream, sighs and slams her clock shut. Brooke sits up in her bed.) BROOKE: Bad dream? (Haley groans, throws her covers off, grabs a pillow and walks to Brooke's bed, falling on it. Her back is to Brooke.) BROOKE: Well, how bad was it? HALEY: I dreamt that Lucas was in bed with Chris Keller. (Brooke groans in understanding.) BROOKE: That's pretty bad. (Haley sighs.) BROOKE: So, you wanna make out? HALEY: (beat) Yeah, OK, sure. (She turns around and Brooke holds her arm out.) (The music cuts out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - NATHAN'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Nathan jerks awake and sits up. He remembers and smiles in approval.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - PARKING LOT - DAY] (Haley and Brooke get out of Brooke's car.) HALEY: (rushing to keep up with Brooke) Oh, hey, what did Lucas say about you, uh, not picking him for the draft? BROOKE: (cautiously) Not much... mostly coz I haven't told him yet. You didn't say anything, did you? HALEY: No. I... haven't said a word. BROOKE: (relieved) OK, good. Oh! But did I mention that my designs were a total hit with the corporate big-stuffs over at Suburban Filth? They may pick the up for a fashion line(!) HALEY: Oh my god, Brooke, that's incredible! (Brooke does a happy jump.) HALEY: You must be so happy. (sees Brooke's face fall) Or not...? (Haley looks at what Brooke's spotted.) (Cut to a table where Peyton is sitting along with some cheerleaders. She's talking to Rachel.) BROOKE: (almost growling) What is she doing talking to that troll?(!) HALEY: (scoffs) By troll, do you mean Peyton? (There's a beat before Brooke stalks to the table. Haley follows.) BROOKE: Hi, (looks at Peyton accusingly) backstabbing supposed-to-be-best-friend-and-all. PEYTON: Hi, forgot-to-say-good-morning-sneery-grouch-a-lot. RACHEL: (Laughs) I'm outta here, over-possessive-best-friends-with-weird-lesbian-energy (pause) and Haley. (Haley smiles tightly.) TIM: Lay us or trade us! (Tim walks on with his arms out and a lot of the guys from the team, including Nathan and Lucas.) BROOKE: What are you babbling about?! TIM: The boy draft. We know all you girls got together and drafted us to be your little love-dolls, so... we just wanna know the results. BROOKE: It was a fantasy draft, Dim. You know, like that fantasies you have about Nathan - not real. RACHEL: What d'ya have in mind? (Brooke looks at Rachel, annoyed.) TIM: Dates, tonight, you pay. (Brooke scoffs.) BROOKE: Look- RACHEL: OK, sounds good. (Brooke is very close to hitting Rachel.) TIM: Sweet(!) BEVIN: (beaming) I'm gonna go get Skills. (leaves) TIM: So, who picked me? (Nobody answers him.) TIM: Come on, who wants some Tim? (Brooke is silently fuming.) TIM: Is it you, Brooke? BROOKE: You didn't even get drafted, you little... (tightly) Tim(!) (Brooke turns and leaves. Tim looks around. Lucas looks slightly sympathetic before leaving too.) (Haley rushes to Nathan.) HALEY: Hey, are you... OK with this? NATHAN: Yeah, sure, why not? I mean, it's a group thing, right? HALEY: (covering) Yeah. (nods) Yeah, sure, OK. Um,... you wanna come by at like... eight? NATHAN: OK. (Haley smiles and mouths 'OK'. She smiles delightedly after Nathan walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - GROUNDS - DAY] LUCAS: (o.s) Hey, Brooke! (Brooke stops and turns.) BROOKE: (smiles strained) Hey, looks who it is. LUCAS: So what time should I be ready? BROOKE: Um,... (laughs) you know it's the... craziest thing. (pause) I sorta got mixed up and... didn't pick you. LUCAS: (not sure he's hearing right) What? BROOKE: (quickly) It was all Rachel's fault. She tricked me LUCAS: S-so let me get this straight: you coulda picked me... but you didn't? BROOKE: It just... sort of happened wrong(!) RACHEL: (o.s) She picked Chris Keller (comes up behind Lucas) and I picked you. (Brooke tries to come up with something to say but she can't. She decides to just glare at Rachel.) LUCAS: Well, (pause) at least somebody wanted me. BROOKE: (upset) No- (Lucas leaves. Rachel smiles, shrugs and follows Lucas.) (The bell rings and Brooke sighs in defeat.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - THE BENCHES - DAY] (Peyton walks to the benches.) PEYTON: Hey, boyfriend. (sits) (Mouth is sitting on the bench.) PEYTON: Looks like we're supposed to go out on a date tonight. MOUTH: I know you were just doing me a favour when you drafted me, Peyton... but there's something I have to do tonight. PEYTON: You're a tough guy to ask out, Mouth! MOUTH: (laughs) Well... you could come if you want. (pause) It's just... kinda un-cool. PEYTON: OK, trust me, I've had enough supposedly cool nights, un-cool sounds... great. MOUTH: (smiles) OK,... un-cool it is. (Peyton nods and smacks him on the leg before standing and walking away. Mouth grabs his backpack and Tim drops himself next to him.) TIM: (depressed) Can't believe I didn't even get drafted. (looks at Mouth) (Mouth looks ahead, not saying a word.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROE RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR - DAY] (Karen is sitting on the front stoop, opening letters. Deb walks up to her.) DEB: So, Dan put up another campaign billboard. Over the highway just outside of town. KAREN: (amused) Yeah, I know, I saw. (pause) But, if he's gonna buy the election, there's really nothing I can do about it. (smiles) DEB: Actually, (reaches into her shoulder bag) there is. (Deb walks forward and pulls out a spray can.) DEB: Have I ever told you how ridiculous Dan looks... with a moustache? (Karen is interested. Deb throws the can at her and Karen catches it. They look at each other conspiratorially.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT RESIDENCE - BROOKE AND HALEY'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Haley examines herself hard in the mirror. She's completely dressed for her date and her hair is tied up.) HALEY: (to Brooke) Whaddaya think? BROOKE: The same thing I thought ten seconds ago; you look great(!) (Brooke is lying on her stomach, depressed.) HALEY: OK, well, I'm sorry if I'm a little nervous. I just have the perfect evening planned for Nathan and me (puts a necklace around her neck and holds it there) I can not believe you're not going on your date, by the way. BROOKE: Why should I? HALEY: Hmmm, I don't know, you can pick between 'this whole thing was your idea' or because you physically threatened every person that didn't follow the rules(!) (Haley turns back to the mirror and messes with the necklace again. The doorbell rings.) HALEY: (drops the necklace) Oh, shoot, that's Nathan. I'm not ready; where are my shoes?! BROOKE: On your feet! Relax. (Haley stops and sighs.) BROOKE: I'll get it. (jumps off the bed and walks to the front door) To finish our conversation, I would rather tongue kiss a puss infected sore than ever... go out... with Chris- (She harshly opens the door to Chris.) CHRIS: Well, well. My date's already dressed for bed. (Brooke glares at him) Looks like someone's a little horny for some Chris Keller. (He walks in. She scoffs.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ROE RRESIDENCE - LUCAS' BEDROOM - DAY] (Rachel opens Lucas' door and enters.) LUCAS: Hey, Rachel, come on in. (She shuts the door behind her.) RACHEL: Thanks, you ready? LUCAS: (wincing) Uh... actually, if it's cool with you, I was gonna go see Brooke. RACHEL: (sighs and sits on his bed) Luke, you know I was messing with Brooke when I drafted you, right? (Lucas laughs.) RACHEL: And anyway, doesn't she have a date with Chris Keller? LUCAS: No, she wouldn't do that. RACHEL: I don't know, I've seen the guy - he's kinda fine. LUCAS: Yeah, (nodding annoyed) he's kind of a jerk, too. RACHEL: Interesting... and (sits up) definitely my type. Well, I was gonna say we could get a workout at the Rivercourt... but instead, let's go to Brooke's house. (pause) And I'll officially trade you. LUCAS: You'd do that? (pause) You'd trade me? RACHEL: Yeah, why not? I can't torture Brooke forever. (thinks) Well, I could, but where's the fun it that? Come on (throws the basketball at the painted Rivercourt basketball hoop) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Chris is sitting in a revolving chair and Brooke is standing over him.) BROOKE: Look, whatever you heard, you heard wrong(!) CHRIS: So you're not into me? BROOKE: (forcefully) No! (Tries to pull him off the chair.) CHRIS: Wait, so you and Haley aren't going on dates? BROOKE: (lying through her teeth) No. (She yanks him off the chair. Nathan walks to the doorway and sees them. Chris spots him.) CHRIS: Oh, hey-ey, Nate. Here for your (looks at Brooke who's shaking her head) date? NATHAN: Yeah, what's it to you? (Chris smirks at her.) BROOKE: (beyond annoyed) Haley, your boyfriends are here! (Chris grins as Haley enters. Nathan stands to attention when he sees her.) HALEY: (smiling) Hi. NATHAN: (shocked) Wow, you look so- CHRIS: Overdressed. (Nathan frowns at him and Brooke sneers at him.) CHRIS: So, you girls ready? BROOKE: I'm not going anywhere with you(!) CHRIS: Fine by me, I'm good staying in. HALEY: Well, we're going out. Let me just get my purse. NATHAN: Actually, um,... maybe Brooke's right. I mean, if she's not gonna follow through with this, what're the odds anyone else is? (Brooke continues to scoff at Chris. Haley approaches Brooke with a fake smile.) HALEY: (to Nathan) Could you just, um,... just... one second. (She grabs Brooke's arm and forcefully drags her away.) BROOKE: Ow(!) That hurts. (When they are a good distance away, Haley lets her go.) HALEY: (voice low) OK, listen, sister; I joined cheerleading and I sat in this stupid draft because of, OH, you(!) Now I am this close to getting an actual date with Nathan so if you don't suck it up, and go out with Chris Keller, I swear the only puss-infected sores you're gonna be licking are you own, when I get through with you, do you get it?! (Haley smiles and turns back to the guys.) HALEY: OK, great! We're going! (smiles and walks to them) (Brooke stalks off to get changed.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - ROAD - DAY] (All four of them walk to the car. Chris holds the door open for Brooke. She smirks at him before getting in.) (Pan to Rachel and Lucas in Rachel's car.) RACHEL: Yeah, Brooke's definitely staying home tonight. (pause as Lucas watches) It's Chris Keller, right? LUCAS: How bout we get some beer before that workout, huh? RACHEL: Now you're talking. Let's go. (She drives off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BEVIN'S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DAY] (Skills stands at the door and knocks. Bevin opens the door.) SKILLS: (looks her over and smiles) First round draft pick, reporting for duty. (Bevin takes his arm and leads him in.) BEVIN: Hey, Skills, come on in. (Skills looks at the huge place.) SKILLS: Oh, yeah(!) This'll do. BEVIN: My parents are out of town for the night (pause) so... I was thinking... we'd stay in and watch a movie, maybe have a couple of drinks? Is that OK? SKILLS: (not listening) OK? (pause) That's better than OK. This is perfect. BEVIN: Thanks(!) (walks down and to him) So, anyways, I was thinking we could watch (bends and picks up a DVD) The Notebook. SKILLS: How bout I just watch you and... uh,... you can watch whatever it's called. BEVIN: The Notebook. (stands in front of the TV) Oh my god, you haven't seen it? It's only like... the best movie ever. (Skills is too preoccupied with looking at everything Bevin's family owns to care.) BEVIN: (grins) Trust me. (She bends to put the DVD in.) SKILLS: A'ight. Whatever you say, Devon. BEVIN: (correcting) Bevin. SKILLS: Yeah,... yeah that too. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RETIREMENT HOME - ENTRANCE - DAY] (Peyton walks in with Mouth.) PEYTON: Gotta hand it to ya, Mouth. I've been on some kinky dates before but no one has ever bought me to an old folks' home. MOUTH: (laughs) You've been on kinky dates? PEYTON: OK, not the point. (Mouth laughs some more.) PEYTON: What're we doing here? MOUTH: This is the thing I had to do. I come once a week and I read to Mel. (Mouth walks off screen.) PEYTON: Wait, who's Mel? (follows confusedly) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RETIREMENT HOME - MEL'S ROOM - DAY] (Mel is sitting in a recliner, watching TV. Mouth walks to the doorway and knocks.) MOUTH: Hey, Mel. (Mel looks at him before turning back to the TV to switch it off. Peyton stands in the doorway.) MEL: Oh, hi, Joe. MOUTH: No, it's-it's me, Marvin. Mouth. MEL: Oh, sure, Mouse. Come in! Come in. (He gets off the chair.) MOUTH: I, uh, bought you the sports page. (Mouth sits and Mel takes the bit of newspaper. He looks at the doorway and spots Peyton.) MEL: Wow(!) What do we have here? PEYTON: Um,... (walks in, unsure) we have a Peyton. Hi. (shakes his hand) MEL: Peyton? That's a pretty name. PEYTON: (smiling) Well, you're not so bad yourself. MEL: Come in, sit down, sit down. PEYTON: Oh- (He takes Mouth out of the chair, forcefully. Peyton laughs.) PEYTON: Thank you,... um... you've got a really great place here. (sits) MEL: Oh, not really. It smells like old people. (Peyton laughs and makes a face at Mouth.) MEL: Take a look at this. (He rushes to his drawer and pulls a framed photo. He brings it to show Peyton.) MEL: Did I ever tell you that I used to race cars? (The picture is of him as a young man, holding a helmet and standing beside a racing car.) PEYTON: (takes the picture and looks at it) Well, you were a handsome devil. MEL: They called me Fireball. I was kinda fast with the ladies. (Peyton laughs out loud and looks at Mouth. Mouth smiles fondly at Mel.) MEL: I've got some more pictures around here somewhere. (rushes to his closet) PEYTON: OK. Alright. (stands and walks to Mouth) I have an idea... let's spring him. MOUTH: (shocked) What?! PEYTON: Just for the night. This place is depressing, Mouth. MOUTH: Peyton, we can't. PEYTON: (to Mel) Hey, Fireball? MEL: Hmm? (turns back with a helmet in his hands and walks to them.) PEYTON: How would you like to do a little driving with us tonight? MEL: Oh, young lady, I'd rob a bank for you if you asked me nicely. (Peyton laughs and turns back to Mouth.) PEYTON: (nudging him) Come on, Mouth, it's just a couple of hours. What harm could it do? MOUTH: I don't know, Peyton, a lot. (Peyton walks to the door. Mel walks to Mouth.) MEL: Joey, if you blow this for me, I'm gonna beat you to death with this helmet(!) OK? (Mouth nods.) MEL: (delighted) OK, let's go! Ladies first! (Mouth grabs his coat. The camera zooms in on a picture of the beach.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BEACH - DAY] (Nathan, Haley, Brooke and Chris walk on the beach.) CHRIS: Am I the only one who doesn't get the whole beach thing? BROOKE: It's the beach. What is there to get? CHRIS: Yeah, but it's such a big tease. I mean, think about it; girls strip down, sometimes they go topless... never nude. You can't touch them. It's like a... strip club. (looks at a girl in a blue bathing suit) Hey, babe. (He puts money into her underwear, slaps her on the arse and continues walking. She takes the money out, looks at him and then turns back.) CHRIS: So, so what're we doing here, anyway? NATHAN: This is where we got married. HALEY: I thought we'd be alone. BROOKE: You guys got married here? HALEY: It wasn't exactly here. It was (looks far ahead) just over this ridge. It's so beautiful! (She runs to the ridge and climbs up it. The rest follow.) HALEY: I'm telling you, it is completely untouched. It's like... (She stops and looks out.) HALEY: (sadly) Paradise. (Brooke walks up behind her and sees that the once untouched paradise has now become a place of construction. Vehicles move around and a new development is being built.) HALEY: (distraught) It's gone! (Brooke gapes. Nathan doesn't say a word.) CHRIS: Paradise gone - seems appropriate. (Brooke glares at him.) HALEY: There were all these little... purple wildflowers and... trees and... (Nathan looks down.) BROOKE: It's OK. Come on. (touches Haley's arm) Let's just go to the mall. (Haley takes Brooke's hand and lets her steer her down. She looks at Nathan who still doesn't say anything. Nathan looks back at it and sighs.) FADE TO BLACK: [SCENE_BREAK] COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUTSIDE OF TOWN - THE BILLBOARD - EVENING] (It's completely dark and the billboard of Dan is lit up from below. Karen and Deb move into the shot, holding a ladder. They talk in whispers) DEB: Ready? KAREN: Deb, I don't think we should. What if we get caught? DEB: Karen, quit being so responsible! KAREN: I can't help it - that's who I am! DEB: Oh, well, not according to Dan's campaign commercial! You know, the one that makes you look psychotic! (Karen gives her a look.) DEB: Besides, it's harmless fun. We-we'll paint a moustache on him, some black teeth- (exasperated) You said u wanted to do this. KAREN: Well, yeah! That's when I was stuck in construction traffic, staring at his fat face! (Shot of the billboard and Dan's annoying grin.) KAREN: (pitifully) Now I'm chicken(!) DEB: Fine(!) But I'm going up, and tomorrow, when you're stuck in traffic, you're gonna wish you'd joined me. (She struggles to take hold of the ladder. Karen rolls her eyes in acquiescence.) KAREN: Fine(!) (helps with the ladder) I can't believe I'm doing this. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - BENCH - EVENING] (Lucas is sitting on the bench, pondering.) LUCAS: I can't believe she's doing this. (turns his head to look at Rachel) RACHEL: (rolls her eyes) So she's on a date with Chris. It doesn't mean anything. LUCAS: No, it does! This guy's caused a lot of trouble. Brooke knows that. RACHEL: OK, so, what is the deal with you and Brooke anyway? LUCAS: (shrugs slightly) She's just not ready to commit. RACHEL: Right, that's usually what I tell guys I'm not really in to. LUCAS: (laughs humourlessly) And, she wants to make sure I'm serious about her, you know? Plus,- RACHEL: Plus, what? LUCAS: (without hesitation) She's the 'one'. RACHEL: Why? LUCAS: (pause) She just is. I feel it. You know, Pascal says: 'the heart has reasons that reason cannot know'. RACHEL: What did Pascal say about Chris Keller? (Lucas looks away, peeved.) RACHEL: Sorry, cheap shot. (stands) OK, here's the gig: you miss a shot, and you drink. (He grabs the ball, stands on the bench and throws the ball.) RACHEL: You make a shot- (the balls goes through the hoop) (Lucas turns and looks at her expectantly.) RACHEL: (frowning) I drink. (opens a can) OK, this was a bad idea. (drinks) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GO-KARTING - RACE TRACK - EVENING] (Close-up of Mouth strapped into a go-kart.) MOUTH: This was a bad idea! (The camera zooms out to show Peyton and Mel strapped into go-karts too.) MEL: Oh, quit complaining and grow a pair! PEYTON: You ready, Mel? MEL: That's 'Fireball' to you, Trixie. (Peyton laughs and waits for the lights to go green. They finally do.) PEYTON: Go! MOUTH: Here we go! (They move off. The camera fast-tracks with them. Peyton yells her pleasure. Mouth winces at the speed.) MEL: YOU WANT SOMA THIS?! (laughs) MOUTH: Mel, be careful! (Peyton sees Mel gaining on her.) PEYTON: Hey! (Mel laughs and overtakes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BEVIN'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Shot of the TV as The Notebook plays. Skills is on the sofa, watching Bevin.) BEVIN: (sparing him a glance) Are you gonna watch the movie? SKILLS: I would but I can't stop watching you. BEVIN: (considers) OK, here. (kisses him) There's more of that if you watch the movie. (She grins at the TV.) SKILLS: OK. (pulls her back against him) Let's watch this damn movie, then. (Bevin smiles. Long-shot of them watching the movie.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUTSIDE OF TOWN - THE BILLBOARD - EVENING] (Karen and Deb make it onto the platform of the billboard. Deb helps Karen up.) KAREN: OK. DEB: Alright. KAREN: You do it. (Deb moans.) KAREN: And then let's get out of here. Go, go, go. DEB: OK. Um... (runs to Karen, the can in her outstretched hand) OK, you do it. KAREN: No! You said you would do it. DEB: (sighs) OK. (Karen nudges her on. Deb runs to the far left of the billboard and begins to spray over the writing. Karen watches her and grins. Deb sprays 'IS' then turns to Karen and laughs before continuing. She continues with an 'N'. Karen jumps up and down, clapping.) (Deb finishes spraying 'IS AN ASS' on the billboard and gives the can to Karen.) DEB: (laughing) You do the moustache. Go(!) (Karen sprays one half, goes to do a second one and a pigeon flies in front of her. Karen screams, drops the can and falls, knocking the ladder as she goes. Deb tries to reach for it but it gets stuck in the braches, out of reach. Deb puts a hand to her mouth and Karen looks up at it.) KAREN AND DEB: Uh-oh(!) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE MALL - THE FOUNTAIN - EVENING] BROOKE: (frowning) Uh-oh(!) (Brooke walks to Haley with all of her shopping bags and sits beside her on the bench.) BROOKE: Not exactly the magical night you had planned? HALEY: No, I wouldn't say that: crowded mall, Nathan ignoring me- (Shot of Nathan playing on an arcade game.) HALEY: Chris Keller, stealing change out of the fountain. (Shot of Chris taking money from the fountain, very obviously. Brooke looks at him disgustedly.) HALEY: My night with Nathan was supposed to be a dream-come-true, not this nightmare. BROOKE: (thinks) Well, keep the dream alive, sister. I'll talk to Nathan. (gets up) (Haley watches Brooke stomp over to Nathan. Brooke pulls the plug out of the machine, effectively killing it. Nathan turns to her, annoyed.) BROOKE: OK, two-part question, Nate: A. why the hell haven't you beaten the stuffing out of Chris Keller yet, so I can go home, and B. if you were just gonna ignore Haley all night, why did you come? (Nathan looks away for a beat.) BROOKE: Haley still loves you. All you have to do is take her back! NATHAN: Right, kinda like with you and Lucas. (Brooke doesn't respond because she knows he's right.) NATHAN: You see, it's not so easy, getting back in the ring; especially with the one that knocked you out in the first place. (Brooke looks away. Haley walks to Chris.) CHRIS: Well, well. Haley James. (She holds her hand out. Chris gives her the money. She sits beside him and throws all the money back in. Chris looks over his shoulder at it.) CHRIS: What'd you wish for? HALEY: (seriously) That Nathan would bludgeon you. Brooke and I were actually kinda wondering why he hasn't already. CHRIS: Maybe he's afraid of me. (Haley laughs loudly.) CHRIS: (forcefully) Or... or, maybe he doesn't care anymore. (That wipes the smile off Haley's face.) CHRIS: Let's find out. (puts his arm around her) HALEY: Hey, stop it(!) (brushes his arm off) CHRIS: Come on, either he gets jealous or me, you and Brooke have a three-some. Either way, it's win-win for you. (puts his arm back around her) HALEY: Chris, seriously, don't! (Her voice finally catches Nathan's attention and he looks over with a frown.) NATHAN: What the hell is this?! (He stalks to the pair.) CHRIS: Oh, well, good news for you, bad news for me. HALEY: I told him not to. (stands innocently) NATHAN: You better back off, Keller. CHRIS: Hey, I just thought someone should be nice to her tonight. NATHAN: Oh, yeah? BROOKE: (pulling Haley away) Haley, what are you doing, are you crazy? Nathan is vulnerable and you are practically giving the enemy a lap-dance(!) HALEY: I didn't do anything! BROOKE: You mean besides kiss Chris and run away with him? (shakes her head) You know what, I'm outta here(!) This whole thing has gotten way beyond the point of bizzaro! HALEY: Oh, you mean 'bizzaro' like messing with Lucas and then hiding all those letters under your bed? CHRIS: (nudges Nathan) Wait, check it out; catfight. (Nathan looks.) BROOKE: (outraged) What were you doing snooping through my things?! HALEY: I wasn't snooping through your things! I bumped into them when I was trying to maximise on the two feet of storage space that you so generously offered to me! BROOKE: Oh, you know what, I'm-I'm done! (turns around and picks up her shopping) CHRIS: (goes after her) Brooke, wait. HALEY: (following her closely) There is no way that you get to waltz outta here when this whole stupid night was your idea(!) CHRIS: Don't go! NATHAN: Come here, Keller. HALEY: I am not through with you! BROOKE: Yeah, well I am through with you(!) CHRIS: Come on, Brooke, the nights still young. NATHAN: Your night's gonna be over if you touch Haley again. (Brooke gapes and stops in front of the windows at Suburban Filth. There are mannequins dressed in halter tops.) BROOKE: Oh my god! HALEY: What? BROOKE: My clothes(!) HALEY: Have you not spent enough rent money for tonight, Brooke?! BROOKE: No, these are my designs. (Close-up of one of the tops. It says: 'chase dreams, chase boys, chase dreamy boys'.) BROOKE: (gob smacked) My sketches. They told me to draw up some things. They said they liked them but I guess I... I just never dreamed. (Brooke is completely in awe.) BROOKE: You guys, I'm in the window. CHRIS: OK, how cool is this? (puts an arm around her) Now we have to celebrate, right? (Brooke smiles tearfully.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUT OF TOWN - THE BILLBOARD - EVENING] (Deb and Karen stand on the platform, looking at the ladder.) DEB: No doubt about it; (pause) we're stuck. KAREN: Well,... he's probably gonna ground me but (reaches into her pocket for her phone) I'll call Lucas on the phone. (Karen searches for a bit before stopping.) KAREN: Which I left next to yours in the car(!) DEB: Oh no(!) God! (she flaps her arms, distressed) (Deb runs to the end of the platform and leans over, screaming.) DEB: Help! KAREN: Deb! Deb! (runs after her) DEB: HELP! KAREN: Deb, you cannot do that! DEB: Why not!? We're stuck! KAREN: Because we'll look like a couple of jack-holes and Dan will win the election for sure! (Deb calms down) Besides, they've... closed the highway at night because of the construction so no one's gonna hear you! (Deb drops her arms and sighs.) DEB: I'm sorry, Karen. (sits at the edge of the platform) This is my fault. KAREN: (relents and sits beside Deb) No, look, (sighs) I wanted to come. DEB: No, I mean, all of it. (pause) I never should have agreed to stay with Dan during this race. I just... I-I wanted so badly to believe that he'd actually leave Nathan alone. But now I know it's... probably a lie. KAREN: Gotta get outta that house, Deb. DEB: I know. (Karen nods.) DEB: Guess I'm just... afraid to be on my own. I've always been that way. KAREN: (smiles) You're not gonna be alone, Deb... you're gonna be independent. Now although you might not see it in yourself, I see that strength in you every day. (Deb smiles.) DEB: Thanks. KAREN: Stupid ladder. DEB: (thinks) OK, I've got an idea. (stands) KAREN: What? DEB: We're getting down. KAREN: How? (stands) DEB: (looks around) Take off your clothes. (Karen laughs, eventually seeing the look of seriousness Deb gives her.) KAREN: (dumbfounded) Huh!? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GO-KARTING - RACE TRACK - EVENING] (Mel continues to race by himself whilst Peyton and Mouth stand on a platform, watching.) PEYTON: You're a good guy, Mouth. It's really nice of you to spend time with Mel. It says a lot about you. (Mouth looks down, smiling.) PEYTON: I bet you're gonna have it all someday. MOUTH: Yeah, I'm thinking of running for senator. (Peyton frowns at him.) MOUTH: (laughs) I got the idea from Brooke. PEYTON: Oh. MOUTH: Sorta. MEL: (o.s) Yahooo! PEYTON: Well, Fireball's on a tear. I bet this is a night he won't forget for a while. MOUTH: Actually, he probably won't remember it. Mel has Alzheimer's disease, Peyton. PEYTON: (gapes) Oh. MOUTH: He's forgotten huge parts of his life. He was married for fifty years but... he doesn't remember it. His mind just... opened up over time and everything slipped away; (pause) the woman he loved, the house he lived in. PEYTON: His youth. (Mouth nods sadly. Peyton watches Mel, still racing.) MOUTH: We should probably take him back. (smiles) (Peyton nods and doesn't say a word.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BEVIN'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Shot of the TV again as The Notebook continues to play. Bevin is kissing Skills' neck.) SKILLS: (engrossed in the movie) Wait, he's building that house and he don't even know if she's coming back? BEVIN: Um-hm. (Skills just watches the movie in wonder. Bevin turns his face to her but he stops her.) SKILLS: Wait, wait, wait, wait. BEVIN: I'm gonna get a drink. (She takes her glass and Skills doesn't even notice she's gone.) SKILLS: (to the TV) Yeah, you write those letters, dawg. Write em! CHRIS: (v.o) So, what about the letters to Lucas? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Brooke and Chris are sitting on the couch, each holding a glass of champagne.) BROOKE: Are we talking about me or celebrating me? CHRIS: Oh no, we are definitely celebrating you. (holds up his glass) To your sketches. BROOKE: We already drank to that; like twenty times. CHRIS: No. We drank to your designs like twenty times. BROOKE: Hmm. CHRIS: Then we drank to your clothes. Now we're drinking to your sketches. (Brooke grins.) CHRIS: In the window. Totally yours. (Brooke squeals.) BROOKE: (holds out her glass) To my sketches. (They clink glasses.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - THE BALCONY - EVENING] (Haley and Nathan stand on the balcony.) NATHAN: Any meteors up there? HALEY: (laughs) Oh, that was a great night. Remember that; watching the meteor shower together? NATHAN: (looks at her) You look nice tonight, Haley. HALEY: (embarrassed) Thanks. NATHAN: I just wish we coulda spent some more time together without all this. HALEY: Hmmm. Chris and Brooke? NATHAN: I mean the beach... this balcony. (Haley looks up at him.) NATHAN: I haven't forgotten about our past, Haley. I know where we got married. I know this is where we made love in the rain. I still feel our past, just like you do. (Haley looks at him, tears in her eyes.) NATHAN: I just thought it might be nice to hang out in the present for a night. (Haley looks away and leans on the balcony.) NATHAN: What're you thinking? HALEY: (laughs and shakes her head) Nothing. (sighs) Just praying for rain. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - BASKETBALL HOOP - EVENING] (Lucas throws the ball and it goes through the hoop. Rachel catches it.) RACHEL: Well, (throws a can aside) that's the last of it. Nice shooting, Tex. LUCAS: (holds his arms out) So we gonna call it a night? RACHEL: Or we could play a new game. (smiles) How 'bout strip basketball? LUCAS: You know, I always figured if I met the devil, she'd be hot and holding the basketball. (leans forward) But I'm gonna pass. RACHEL: Because of Brooke? (pause) Who's on a date(!) (Lucas looks away.) RACHEL: (stops in front of him) OK. Take your shirt off. (Lucas squints at her.) LUCAS: Rachel. RACHEL: I'm not gonna touch you, you sissy-virgin-boy! I'm trying to make a point. Take your shirt off. (Lucas scoffs disbelievingly and shakes his head. He takes his shirt off.) RACHEL: (tosses that ball at him) Alright, you say Brooke's the 'one'; your soulmate. (walks behind him and takes his shirt) Well, if that's the case,... call upon destiny or... providence... or whatever forces are gonna bring you two together (Lucas looks away and laughs) and make the shot. (pause) Blindfolded. (She covers his eyes with his shirt.) LUCAS: (laughs) This is ridiculous! RACHEL: Come on! It's your destiny. (pause) You can't miss. OK, can you see me? LUCAS: No. (She does an embarrassing dance. He doesn't make a single move.) RACHEL: OK, I trust you. Now follow my voice. Brooke's the 'one', make the shot. (Lucas takes his time. He bounces the ball once, aims, and shoots. The ball goes through the hoop.) LUCAS: Wh-what happened? RACHEL: It went in. (He pulls the blindfold off and looks at the hoop, then down at Rachel. She's standing there, topless, with only a basketball to cover her modesty.) RACHEL: Nice shot. (He looks at her, smiling slightly.) RACHEL: Make or take it(!) (She bounces the ball at him. He catches it, watching her uncertainly. Lucas shakes his head and Rachel continues to smile.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - BASKETBALL COURT - EVENING] (Lucas walks to her, his shirt held out, and covers her with it.) LUCAS: Get yourself dressed, Rach. (He turns and walks back to the benches.) RACHEL: OK, that's the second time this month you've said that to me. You're gonna give me a complex. LUCAS: Come on. (holds out her own shirt to her) Why sell yourself short like this, huh? RACHEL: You guys are unbelievable! (puts her shirt back on) We don't give it up, you pressure us, we do give it up, now we have self-image problems or... we're sluts. (He walks away and she turns around, putting her pants back on.) RACHEL: You know, at my last school, we had names for guys like you, Luke: gay. (Lucas laughs and shakes his head as he puts his shirt back on.) RACHEL: I mean, non-exclusive dating is a dream-come-true for most boys. So, what's with the dorks of Tree Hill? I mean, every guy is tragically hung-up on somebody. (pause) It makes it kinda hard for a girl. LUCAS: (nods) Well, not is she's thee girl. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Brooke is still on the couch, completely drunk.) BROOKE: Lucas... is the one for me. CHRIS: (moves in closer) Actually, my name is Chris. (Brooke scowls and pushes him away.) CHRIS: (muffled) Don't be like that, come on, listen, have another beer. To your sketches. BROOKE: (shakes her head) That's a nice try but you can go now. CHRIS: Fair enough, it's late, I'm attractive, it scares you. Let me use your restroom. (He gets up and Brooke sits there, smiling drunkenly.) CHRIS: You know, I envy you, Brooke. (pause) Having found someone... to trust and confide in, like Lucas; someone that won't take advantage of it. Sorta like Haley found Nathan. (nods) I'm sure it'll work out for them, too. (He smiles and enters the bathroom. Brooke frowns.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - THE BALCONY - EVENING] (Nathan and Haley are still standing there.) NATHAN: I just wanted you to know that I don't blame you for any of this. (shrugs and laughs to himself) You didn't wanna get married. HALEY: Wh-wh-wait a second(!) (jumps off the banister and follows him) Of course I did. I was just scared. NATHAN: Yeah, and I promised you everything would be OK. I shouldn't have. (Haley's too saddened by his words.) NATHAN: I think about it a lot. You know; how this isn't the life you would've had if I hadn't come along. It's not the life you should've had. HALEY: It's more(!) NATHAN: No, it's not. You'd still have your music. You'd be on tour. You'd probably be a big star by now(!) HALEY: Come on, you're... (She sighs and just looks at him for a while.) HALEY: OK. You know the moment that I left the tour? (pause) We were playing this club in Illinois... and Chris decides to do a cover of an eighties song called, um, 'Missing You'... and everybody starts singing along, the crowds loving it and they turn the house lights up (pause) and I could see every face out there... and I... fell apart. (She looks up at him.) HALEY: On stage, in front of three thousand people; I lost it. I couldn't sing, I couldn't hear the music. Nothing. (pause) Because... that was the moment that I knew... that none of it could ever be enough without you. (Nathan looks down.) HALEY: All of the celebrity and all of the applause and all the pretty melodies... couldn't fill your void in my heart. (She pauses and thinks.) HALEY: So... yeah, I guess you're right; it's not the life I would've had... coz ever since I met you, it has been so much more. (They both sigh and look down.) HALEY: There's no chance that, um, you'd wanna go to the last place I had planned for us, is there? NATHAN: Well, let's see, it's either take my chances with you or hang out with Chris Keller. (smiles) HALEY: Thank you, let's go. (Nathan follows her.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BEVIN'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (The movie's over. Skills reaches over and turns the lamp on. Bevin turns the DVD player off.) BEVIN: Did you like the movie, Skills? SKILLS: (sadly) There's just so much love, (pause) just so much love. (Bevin laughs amusedly.) BEVIN: It's OK. (pulls him to her) That's just the power of The Notebook. Do you want me to drive you home? (pause) Or... we could go upstairs and make out. SKILLS: (seriously and sadly) Can we cuddle a little, first? BEVIN: Sure. (smiles and pulls him with her) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUT OF TOWN - THE BILLBOARD - EVENING] (Deb stands there in her bra.) DEB: (holding a long length of tied-together clothing in her hands) OK, here goes. (She throws the clothes and they miss.) DEB: (reeling it back in) Oh, shoot, just a little short. (Karen holds her head in her hands.) DEB: OK, we're gonna need more clothes. (looks down at Karen) KAREN: Yeah, well, forget it, Annie Oakley. I already gave you my jacket and my shoes. (Deb sighs) And I made a promise to myself that I would never be naked in front of that (points behind) man again. DEB: (looks at Karen for a beat) The things I do for you. (Starts to takes her pants off.) KAREN: (surprised) Oh, oh, oh, (stands) keep your pants on! (Karen unhooks her bra and takes it off, whilst keeping her top on. She gives it to Deb.) DEB: Oh, (looks at the bra) that's pretty cute(!) Where'd you get that? KAREN: (smiles) Oh, didn't I tell ya, there was a sale at- (smile falls) would you just tie it on! (Deb hurries and ties it on.) DEB: Here we go, come on. (Karen claps nervously.) DEB: OK, ready? KAREN: Come on. DEB: And... (Slowly throws the clothes and the catch) GOT IT! (Deb begins to pull the ladder back.) KAREN: Easy... easy... (They squeal as it comes and squeal louder when the ladder finally lands on the platform.) KAREN: Uh, get dressed and I'll gather up all the evidence. Let's get the heck off this thing. DEB: Alright. (Deb unties the clothes and Karen looks at the billboard. Deb notices the look.) KAREN: I don't-I don't wanna leave it like this, Deb. This- (Deb sighs.) KAREN: We're better than this, Deb. I don't wanna sink to Dan's level. DEB: Well you coulda said that before we climbed up here. KAREN: Ye-we... what fun would that have been? (Deb groans and laughs, putting her sweater back on. They laugh and start to pull the sprayed part of the billboard off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RETIREMENT HOME - ENTRANCE - EVENING] (Peyton pulls the car up. Mouth and Mel get out.) MOUTH: OK, Mel, you're home. (Mel nods and shuts the car door. Peyton spots his helmet.) PEYTON: Oh, HEY, wait! Don't forget your helmet, Fireball. (Mel laughs and stops. Peyton grabs it and gets out of the car.) MEL: Thank you, sweetheart. (looks up at her) What's your name, anyway? (Peyton's smile falls and pain crosses her eyes.) PEYTON: It's Peyton. MEL: Peyton, that's a pretty name. (Mouth looks at her with understanding.) MEL: Did I ever tell you I used to race cars? (Peyton struggles.) PEYTON: No, no, you never told me that. (her smile is infinitely sad) I bet you were great. (Mouth looks away, just as sadly. Peyton hugs Mel. She lets go and smiles at him. Mel turns and walks back to Mouth.) MEL: Take your time, Joe. (walks back into the retirement home) (Mouth smiles at Peyton, completely understanding how she feels.) PEYTON: He deserves better. How long have you known him? MOUTH: All my life. (pause) He's my grandpa. (Peyton gapes) He just... doesn't remember. (pause) You know how he's always calling me Joe? (Peyton nods.) MOUTH: Well, Joe's my dad's name... but, they had a falling out... so I come to see him instead. (Peyton looks down) Anyway, I'll be back. (Mouth walks into the retirement home and Peyton watches them, desolate.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RETIREMENT HOME - MEL'S ROOM - EVENING] (Shot of the framed photo of a younger Mel holding his helmet and standing next to his racing car. Mouth opens the door and they enter.) MOUTH: OK, here we are. You're probably tired, so... I'll see you next week. MEL: (turns) Joe? (Mouth stops and turns back.) MEL: I, uh,... I know I made some mistakes with you... but one day, you're gonna have a boy of your own... make sure he's a good man. (Mouth nods, tears in his eyes.) MOUTH: I will. (Mel nods.) MOUTH: I love you. MEL: I love you too, son. (Mouth smiles and closes the door behind him.) FADE TO BLACK: COMMERCIAL SET; [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RETIREMENT HOME - PEYTON'S CAR - EVENING] (Peyton is back in her car. She looks at Ellie's cancer survival bracelet which she's wearing. Mouth opens the door and gets in.) PEYTON: You all set? MOUTH: (quietly) Yeah. PEYTON: Hey, Mouth, can I ask you a question? (He nods.) PEYTON: Why do you keep coming to see him if he's just not gonna remember? MOUTH: (unhesitatingly) Because I will. (pause) Besides, he probably doesn't have that much time left and... I don't know,... nobody should die alone. PEYTON: (ponders) This bracelet, (shows it to Mouth) is, like, my birth mother's. It's a cancer survivor bracelet. (Mouth nods.) PEYTON: But... I told her I didn't wanna see her anymore and I sent her away. (pause) You know, I know Alzheimer's is this... terrible disease... but at least Mel doesn't have to live with his regrets. You know? And all the mistakes he made and... the stuff he wishes he could take back. MOUTH: (nods) Yeah, that's true. (pause) But I say give me regret... as long as I can keep the good memories too. (It isn't what Peyton wants to hear, even though she knows he's right. She turns away and puts her head in her hand.) MOUTH: We all have regrets, Peyton. (pause) But some of us still have enough time to erase them. (Peyton faces forward.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - ROOFTOP - EVENING] (Haley opens the door and walks out onto the roof with Nathan.) NATHAN: I thought you were dragging me out here to play miniature golf! What happened? HALEY: No, no, that's gone. (huffs) Kinda like our wedding site. NATHAN: Yeah, look, I know tonight wasn't what you wanted it to be, Haley. HALEY: No, you were right, I had some unrealistic notions about tonight and I think I just... I had a silly idea that everything would work out perfectly and I would end up in your arms and... (shakes her head) I'm sorry. I-I guess I just wanted to hear you say that everything was gonna be OK even if it was just for one night. (She groans.) HALEY: I'm sorry. Anyway, um,... (walks to the wall) every year, Lucas and I come up here (pulls the brick from the wall) and we make predictions about what's gonna happen or what we wish would happen... (replaces the brick) during the next school year. (She has the tin box in her hand and walks to Nathan.) HALEY: And I wanna show you my prediction. NATHAN: Don't. (Haley's smile falls.) NATHAN: I mean, if you show me then it won't come true. It's a wish, right? HALEY: Please, Nathan. NATHAN: (beat) OK, give it to me. (Haley opens the lid and takes the top paper out. She hands it to him.) NATHAN: You got a pen? HALEY: Uh, of course I have a pen, I'm tutor girl. (gives it to him too) Why? NATHAN: Turn around. HALEY: What're you-? NATHAN: I need your back. HALEY: (smiles) OK. (turns) (Nathan uses her back to lean on as he writes.) HALEY: What, what're you doing?(!) NATHAN: I'm writing my own prediction for this year (pause as he writes) a year from now,... we'll see. (Haley turns back to him with a smile.) HALEY: So what's to keep me from sneaking up here and reading what you wrote? NATHAN: (shrugs) I guess I'll just have to trust you. (Haley smiles, puts the paper back in the box and shuts the lid.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - ROAD - EVENING] (Rachel drives up to Brooke and Haley's apartment and stops the car.) RACHEL: Brooke's house. (sighs and looks at him) Honestly, Lucas, have I taught you nothing? The end-of-the-night, drunken booty-call is the last act of a desperate boy. LUCAS: It's not a booty-call. (pause) It's the opposite of that. RACHEL: Why? Because she's the 'one'? Do you realise how screwed-up that logic is? LUCAS: I made the shot. RACHEL: So you made a lucky shot(!) Do you really think there's only one person in this entire planet that's right for you? LUCAS: (nods) I do. RACHEL: OK, what about Peyton? I hear you once had the same feelings for her. Maybe she's the one. (Lucas looks away.) RACHEL: Or, being that we're still in high school, maybe you haven't met the one. LUCAS: But I have... and she's in that apartment. (He smiles and opens the door, exiting. Rachel looks ahead exasperatedly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE RIVERCOURT - BESKETBALL COURT - EVENING] (Fergie and Junk are playing basketball on the court. Fergie shoots the ball and scores. Junk catches the ball and walks away. Skills walks up to them. Junk and Fergie stop playing when they see him.) JUNK: Hey, look who it is. How's your date with Bevin? SKILLS: Hey, you guys ever see a movie called The Notebook? (Junk and Fergie exchange looks. Fergie looks at Skills.) FERGIE: (flabbergasted) She 'Notebooked' you? (Junk starts to laugh and Fergie joins in. Skills frowns at the pair.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BEVIN'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING] (Close-up of the roaring fire in the fireplace. Bevin walks into the shot, on the phone.) BEVIN: He was really sweet. (pause) I totally 'Notebooked' him. (She laughs and the camera focuses out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUT OF TOWN - THE BILLBOARD - EVENING] (Close-up of Dan's half-moustached face. The camera zooms out to show that Karen and Deb uncovered the poster underneath. The title now reads 'DAN SCOTT FOR ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION'.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - ROOFTOP - EVENING] (Haley replaces the brick with the box now inside again. She's sad as she walks back to Nathan.) HALEY: Thanks for tonight. (smiles sadly) So I know it's a little out-of-the-way, um,... actually, I promised Lucas that I would meet him afterward so we could... talk about how the dates went and stuff. NATHAN: (covering his disappointment) Yeah, yeah, I'll just, uh... take off. (smiles) HALEY: OK. NATHAN: Listen, Haley, (pause) don't be worried about the beach... or our wedding spot. HALEY: I know, Nathan. I'm sorry (shakes her head) I just hate that it's all gone. You know, the trees and those little purple flowers and... (shakes her head some more) (Nathan walks up to her and takes her hand.) NATHAN: Here. (He puts a little purple wildflower on her open palm. Haley looks at it in wonder.) NATHAN: The roots are still there. (She looks up at him.) NATHAN: It just takes time. (pause as he looks down at the flower) Don't say I never gave you anything. (Haley smiles tearfully and puts her arms around his neck, hugging him. He hugs her back and she holds on to the flower tightly.) (The camera zooms out to a birds-eye view of the couple before panning up to the skyline.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DAVIS SCOTT APARTMENT - FRONT DOOR - EVENING] (Lucas lets himself into Brooke and Haley's apartment. He closes the door and looks around the dark apartment. A few lamps and wall lights are on. He opens her bedroom door and looks at her sleeping form.) LUCAS: (smiling) Brooke?! (She turns around, wide awake and panicked. Lucas walks further into the room with a shy smile. Suddenly, Chris rises from beside her and looks at Lucas cockily.) (Lucas' smile falls and betrayal shines brightly from his eyes. Chris smirks and Brooke's face is beyond mortified.) (Cut to Lucas' face as he inches back, hurt.)	Plan: A: The fantasy draft dates; Q: What is the name of the episode that begins with Lucas and Rachel? A: Lucas; Q: Who finds himself with Rachel? A: Brooke; Q: Who is on a double date with a surprising person and a surprising couple? A: Skills; Q: Who goes to Bevin's house for the night? A: Mouth; Q: Who does Peyton hang out with? A: mayor; Q: What office are Karen and Deb campaigning for? A: Dan; Q: Who do Karen and Deb want to bring down as mayor? A: Nathan; Q: Who gets mad when Chris gets close to Haley? A: Fall Out Boy; Q: What band did the episode "Draft Dates" get its name from? Summary: The fantasy draft dates begin, Lucas finds himself with Rachel and a very familiar setting. Brooke is on a double date with a surprising person and a surprising couple. Skills goes to Bevin's house for the night, but isn't quite interested in what she has in mind. Mouth and Peyton hang out. Karen and Deb take the campaigning for mayor to a new level, to bring down Dan. Nathan gets mad when Chris gets close to Haley. This episode is named after a song by Fall Out Boy .
MUSIC IN: EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY JOSH: That's you, Dad. COOPER: In the trap? JOSH: That's a Titleist Three. COOPER: You know how good I feel? How good this morning is? JOSH: No, how good? COOPER: I'm going to blast out and two-putt. And I'm going to break ninety for the first time in my life. Did I tell you to have the truck detailed while I'm away? JOSH: Yes, Sir. COOPER: Last time I returned from deployment, I found a petrified Big Mac under the seat. JOSH: How long? COOPER: Must've been there six months. JOSH: How long will you be in Iraq this time? COOPER: As long as it takes, Josh. Eighteen months, maybe less. And then I go into teaching fulltime, and your mother and I can drive up to Princeton every weekend to see you. JOSH: Every other weekend will be fine. Are you going to swing, or should I get a beach towel. Keep your head down. (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: HUGE EXPLOSION) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY "SANDBLAST" TONY: One and a half teaspoons is not sweet, McGee. I've seen my people pour three ounces of sugar into a one ounce espresso. MCGEE: Your people being Long Islanders? TONY: Romans. Inventors of the grain harvester, the arch, modern plumbing. MCGEE: Plumbing? Oh, every time I flush I will think of you, Tony. You and your people. ZIVA: I would ask you to explain that, but I really don't want to know. And I definitely don't want to know what you're doing. TONY: Making cappuccino, Ziva. And educating Probie as to what Italy has contributed to the world. Oration, Italian chima, sports cars. ZIVA: Gold chains and chest hairs. TONY: And pasta, in all its sexy shapes and sizes. ZIVA: The Chinese invented pasta. TONY: Communist-era propaganda. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) I assume Homeland Security has been informed. (FILTERED VOICE B.G.) VOICE: (V.O./FILTERED) They have. SHEPARD: Will they be raising the threat level? VOICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Affirmative. To level one. SHEPARD: You have my direct line. VOICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Thanks.(HANGS UP PHONE) SHEPARD: Orange. GIBBS: Army-Navy Club is a high value target. SHEPARD: High value target? It's a terrorist dream. You can't slice a tee shot without hitting a congressmen or a general. GIBBS: Or a colonel. SHEPARD: He was set to deploy tomorrow. At least he got to spend the last day with his son. GIBBS: That's one way of looking at it. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY (DOOR CLOSES) TONY: Looks like we're late for the party. GIBBS: Assume a hundred-meter blast radius from the sand trap. TONY: It's called a bunker, Boss, not a sand trap. Blast radius a hundred meters! Got it, boss! Probie, you got the woods. I've got the far side. MCGEE: Ah.... GIBBS: What, McGee?! MCGEE: Poison ivy, Boss. I just - I look at the stuff and I break out. GIBBS: Don't look. ZIVA: The Zaka would be busy today. GIBBS: Zaka? ZIVA: Orthodox Jews who volunteer to collect body parts from terror attacks. MANN: Agent Gibbs? Lieutenant Colonel Hollis Mann, Army CID. I believe your Director called. GIBBS: She did. Officer Ziva David. MANN: Ziva David. Yes, I know. Army Criminal Investigative Division has excellent intel. GIBBS: Good. You can use it to support our investigation. MANN: Our joint investigation, with Army in the lead. This isn't the Navy-Army Club, it's the Army-Navy Club. GIBBS: Yeah? That is a dead Marine at the Army-Navy Club. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. FAIRWAY - DAY (SFX: VOICES B.G.) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/SOLDIERS SEARCH THE GRASS) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUNKER - DAY MANN: I had EOD sweep the rest of the sand traps. GIBBS: Bunkers. MANN: Excuse me? GIBBS: They're called bunkers, not sand traps. MANN: The Colonel's son said he saw what he thought was a spider web in the bunker. ZIVA: Trip wire? MANN: Possibly. There's not much to go on with this one. Of course, we've got a lot of land to cover. GIBBS: Eighteen holes on a golf course. MANN: Yeah. You want to divide them up? GIBBS: Sure. We'll take the crime scene. You and your people can take the other seventeen holes. MANN: You're not taking away my crime scene. End of story. But if you ask nicely, I might just give you the body. GIBBS: Well, I don't really have to ask seeing as my M.E. got here first. MANN: Okay. If this is going to be a pissing match, you'd better bring an umbrella. TONY: (V.O.) Oh-ho! I've got some good news, Boss. (ON CAMERA) Did I miss something? ZIVA: Gibbs just found his fourth ex-wife. GIBBS: What do you got, Dinozzo? TONY: I found this off the next tee. It was outside the blast radius. The wind must have carried it. Looks like part of a detonator. MANN: I checked the neighboring tees myself. TONY: Well, maybe you should have checked the trash cans. Looks like a hole in one, Boss! GIBBS: Nice work. TONY: Thanks. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Myself, I have difficulty getting out of the sand. I supposed it's because I don't practice enough. I mean, I dig my feet in, I open the club face, but then I forget to follow through and the ball just goes a couple of feet. Not nearly as far as you traveled, my friend. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) MANN: Is he talking to himself? GIBBS: The body. DUCKY: Ah Colonel, your C.O. just called. Requested copies of my autopsy reports. Gibbs. GIBBS: The report? DUCKY: Yeah, well, the cause of death appears to be just what you see here. Explosive dismemberment. GIBBS: Yeah, got that part. MANN: What we don't have are traceable fragments from that explosion. DUCKY: Yes, Abby was complaining about the dearth of physical evidence from the crime scene. Present company excepted, of course. GIBBS: Bomb shell was plastic. MANN: Which means the fragments disintegrated. GIBBS: Yes, but luckily for you, not all of them. As the ancients soon discovered, fire and water do not mix. The human body is over two thirds water. Some of the burning fragments were cooled by the interstitial liquid in the Colonel's tissue before they could disintegrate. GIBBS: Get that to Abby. DUCKY: Thank you. MANN: Thank you. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY JOSH: I can't believe he's gone.(SIGH) It's like I hear myself say that, but I know it's a stupid thing to say. TONY: It's not stupid, Josh. JOSH: If you told me he was still alive, that what I saw was a trick, I think I'd believe you. TONY: Look, maybe we should finish this tomorrow. JOSH: I'll be at Princeton tomorrow. Dad wouldn't want me to miss my first day of classes. TONY: Okay. You saw a spider web in the bunker, you said? JOSH: Yeah, at least I thought so....until my dad hit it. I should have said something! TONY: There was nothing you could have done. JOSH: That's another one of those stupid things people say. TONY: Well, I've got a million of them. You should ask my co-workers. They'll tell you. JOSH: Okay, what else do you got? TONY: Everything happens for a reason. JOSH: Yeah. That would have really pissed me off. But you can do better. TONY: When your time is up, your time is up. JOSH: Hope you have more skills than that. TONY: In the immortal words of Elvis Costello, "Oh, accidents will happen." JOSH: Oh, yeah. I probably would have stuck my fist through your skull if you had said that. TONY: It's a soft skull, actually. JOSH: Except this wasn't an accident, was it? TONY: No. JOSH: And I thought we were fighting them over there so we didn't have to fight them over here? Maybe they need some more help, huh? TONY: Look, you just focus on Princeton and we'll find who did this. JOSH: Like you found bin Laden? MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.) MCGEE: There it is. MANN: Okay, good. Punch in on that. MCGEE: You can read the entire license plate. ZIVA: I'll update the BOLO. TONY: BOLO for what? MANN: Well, we cleared the course. We vetted everyone as they left. But we don't have any record of this ninety-nine Toyota leaving. The owner's a greens keeper at the club. MCGEE: He must have used an old service entrance. Snuck out before we covered them all. TONY: Nice catch, McGee. MANN: Uh, no, it's my catch. Let's see if we can get an address on this. SHEPARD: Is it just me, or did the SECDEF seem nervous? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BALCONY - DAY GIBBS: Probably has a tee time tomorrow. MANN: What's she like? (BEAT) I just meant is she up to the job? GIBBS: I'll let you know. (CELL PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hey, Boss. Dinozzo, here. GIBBS: Hey, Dinozzo! TONY: Oh. (LAUGHS) Hey! That's weird because I - I thought you were still in MTAC. GIBBS: What do you want? TONY: Um.... we-- MANN: Just found an "unaccounted for" vehicle from the Army-Navy Club. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. CITY STREET - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) GIBBS: Dinozzo. MANN: He's already in C.I.D. custody, Agent Gibbs. My people can handle the interrogation. GIBBS: What are you doing?(TONY WALKS O.S.) MANN: Divorced, right? GIBBS: Three times.(SFX: DOG BARKS B.G.) MANN: Only three. Well, I'll be sure to let my superiors know how you assisted. SOLDIER: Stand clear! (BEAT) Opening! (BEAT) All clear! Marijuana. MANN: Okay. Drugs. That doesn't mean he didn't plant the bomb. GIBBS: You can have that interrogation. (V.O.) I'll look for who did. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT MANN: (V.O.) Agent Gibbs? (ON CAMERA) I... I've been ringing your bell for the last three minutes. GIBBS: Yeah. Been meaning to fix that. MANN: Well, the door was unlocked, so.... GIBBS: So this would be trespassing, not breaking and entering. MANN: Uh-huh. Kelly? GIBBS: There a reason you broke into my house? MANN: This is a joint investigation. I thought maybe we could share some information. GIBBS: Beer? MANN: Beer? Uh.... Sure. I got the results on the swabs from the Toyota. There were traces of diesel fuel and uh... fertilizer. Same thing that McVeigh used to ... blow up the Federal Building in Oklahoma. GIBBS: Yeah. Guy driving the Toyota was a greens keeper. MANN: I know. He's around fertilizer and diesel fuel all day. It was a bad lead. Anything you'd like to share? GIBBS: I've got some sardines upstairs. MANN: I meant about the case. But then you knew that. Girlfriend. Is Kelly your girlfriend? (SFX: GIBBS SHAKES HIS HEAD NO) MANN: Okay, look. C.I.D. intel did a profile on you for me. I know you flaunt authority, especially in front of a female. GIBBS: A female write that, too? MANN: Yeah. She also wrote you were a sniper, a good one, but your eyesight's shot. You're injury-prone, if not in a state of near death-wish fulfillment. And though you're pressured and impatient, you're also passionate and loyal, in spite of the fact that you don't trust anyone. (BEAT) You are going to have to trust me. GIBBS: Is there anything I should know about you before we get involved? MANN: Involved? GIBBS: In the case. MANN: You can have NCIS Intel do a profile on me if you'd like. GIBBS: Oh, I could. (LONG BEAT) But I like surprises. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY TONY: (READS) This hypothesis states that the fate of transplanted embryonic cells is independent of their new position in the embryo. BENOIT: The Mosaic Hypothesis. TONY: I'm sorry. I'm going to need the complete answer. BENOIT: What is the Mosaic Hypothesis? TONY: Correct! Hot and smart. A female version of me. BENOIT: Ow! So you think I'm ready for the exam tomorrow? TONY: Well, I have twenty bucks saying you're going to set the curve. BENOIT: Okay, that's good to hear. Because that means it's my turn to ask you some questions. TONY: Fire away. BENOIT: All right, how's a... how's a kind of cute, definitely charming guy like you who does some pretty bad impersonations.... TONY: I don't know what that means, but I thank you. (SFX: BENOIT LAUGHS) BENOIT: .... managed to stay single for so long? TONY: Oh, you're going to ask a real question. That's a real question. BENOIT: Yeah. TONY: Um.... what are commitment issues? (SFX: BENOIT LAUGHS) BENOIT: Not buying it. TONY: Really? BENOIT: Mm-mm. TONY: And why is that? BENOIT: In the last hour.... TONY: Yeah. BENOIT: At least a dozen hot coeds have walked by. Your eyes haven't wandered once. TONY: Really? Well, obviously yours have. BENOIT: (LAUGHS) Don't get your hopes up. I'm a very um... traditional girl. TONY: Oh, so is Anne Hecht. BENOIT: You still haven't answered my question, Tony. TONY: Okay. Okay. Well, I suppose that I am patiently waiting to find the right girl. BENOIT: You think you'll ever find her? TONY: I'm getting more and more confident by the day. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (ZIVA SPEAKS INTO THE PHONE IN HEBREW) (MUSIC OVER ACTION) TONY: Ah, and to think people once questioned the need for a video camera in a cell phone. MCGEE: Tony! TONY: Arr! Wait 'till you see this! Any ideas? ZIVA: Ha ha! He's definitely not making cappuccino. TONY: There's no way he's got an STD. MCGEE: I was itching. It's poison ivy and it's spreading, okay? TONY: This is your second tango with the vicious weed, McGee. Maybe you ought to learn what that stuff looks like. ZIVA: And avoid it. MCGEE: Yeah, I thought I did. Ooh, this is killing me. When Gibbs told me to check out the forest, I should have just told him-- GIBBS: Tell me what, McGee? MCGEE: No! GIBBS: Well, that probably would have been a good idea. Baking soda and vinegar. You make a paste. Slap it on. MCGEE: Okay, thank you. Thank you, Boss. GIBBS: Not now, McGee. After we catch the terrorist. MCGEE: Oh, that could be a while. All the Club guests check out. Local LEOs report no unusual activity in the area. GIBBS: Dinozzo! TONY: I've gone through the last month of the Club's video surveillance. If a terrorist cell was casing the joint, they hid their tracks pretty well. GIBBS: Your contact at Interpol... ZIVA: Oh, said there was almost no uptick in chatter prior to the explosion. TONY: Could be homegrown bad boys, Boss. MCGEE: Well, still, there should be some chatter, no matter who it is. ZIVA: However this cell is operating. They found a way to do so without making a shred of evidence. GIBBS: Other than a dead Marine. TONY: Nice. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY MCGEE: Gibbs wanted me to see if you finished the processing the crime scene evidence yet. ABBY: I have, but Gibbs is not going to like this. Exhibit A. These are the bomb fragments that Ducky pulled from Colonel Cooper. It's plastic, but not your usual petroleum-based wreck-the-environment polymer. It's made of... corn. It's biodegradable which explains why it disintegrated so much in the blast. What are you doing? MCGEE: Well, actually, I have ... ABBY: You know what? I don't want to know. It's grain technology. Mostly used for making milk containers. So the best guess is that the bad guys used a jug as casing for the explosives. Okay, I do want to know. MCGEE: I have poison ivy, and it's killing me. ABBY: My secret remedy. MCGEE: Oh, what is it? ABBY: Carbonic acid. You just smear it on. MCGEE: I am not going to be acid on my.... boys. ABBY: Relax, McGee. It's just sodium bicarbonate and oxidized ethanol. Baking soda and white vinegar. MCGEE: I think Gibbs knows your secret remedy. He told me to do the same thing. ABBY: Well, you should have listened. Go ahead, rub it in. I'll wait. MCGEE: Okay. So milk jug. Did we have a trace yet? ABBY: The Green Revolution has begun, McGee. It's too widely available to narrow down a purchase place. I had this same problem with this piece of detonator that Tony found. I mean, you could buy this anywhere. It's an off-the-shelf fuse. I got excited 'cause I thought I'd found tissue on it that might match the suspect, but it was too degraded from the blast to get any DNA. MCGEE: (SIGHS) You're right. Gibbs is not going to like this, but right now I don't care. Oh, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY THOMPSON: (V.O./FILTERED) That's your contact point intercept in five. (MUSIC OVER ACTION) THOMPSON: (V.O./FILTERED) Intercept successful. Commencing search. (SHOUTS) Out of the car! Out of the car! SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Update, Major Thompson! THOMPSON: (V.O./FILTERED) Negative on the Grenouille. I repeat, negative. (SFX: BEEP TONES) TECH: Director, Agent Gibbs is attempted to access MTAC. SHEPARD: Go dark. Let him in. (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) GIBBS: Changed the locks on me? SHEPARD: Threat level orange, remember? We're on lock down. Unless you have some good news for me. GIBBS: All I've got is three hundred wasted man-hours. We're looking in the wrong direction. SHEPARD: Well, I might be able to point you in the right one. Danielle? This just came from the CIA regarding the golf course bombing. GIBBS: A suspected homegrown terrorist cell? Suspected by who? SHEPARD: A CIA informant. GIBBS: Why are we just hearing about this now?! SHEPARD: Unfortunately, probably the same reason why we didn't hear about those flying lessons until after Nine Eleven. I've informed Army CID as well. Colonel Mann will meet you on site. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. ALLEY - DAY MANN: Your men all the way around the building. (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) TONY: CID beat us to the punch again. That's twice in one week! GIBBS: I didn't know this was a race, Dinozzo. TONY: Oh, no. It's not. I'm just not used to these joint efforts. MANN: Glad to see you finally made it. SOLDIER: (V.O.) All right, let's move! MANN: To be honest, I thought you'd beat me here and headed in without me. GIBBS: I thought you said I was the one with trust issues. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) SOLDIER: Clear! Clear here! GIBBS: Oh, that's original. MANN: Metro subway maps, national monuments, bridge blueprints. ZIVA: Potential targets. GIBBS: They sure as hell weren't sightseeing. TONY: I think I know who their target is, Boss. (BEAT) Us. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY MANN: All right, secure the building, now! GIBBS: Ziva, Tony, out the back door. No one in until EOD gets here. (VOICES B.G.) (DOOR CLOSES) (SFX: DOOR SLIDES CLOSED) (DOOR OPENS) TONY: Ziva! Hey! What the hell are you doing? ZIVA: I can disarm it. TONY: Okay, well, great. Let's go outside and talk about this. ZIVA: If it detonates before EOD gets here, we'll lose evidence. TONY: Well, what a bummer. It would be a real shame. Ziva! Ziva! Oh, this has to be the stupidest thing any human being has ever done. ZIVA: Then why are you following me, Tony? TONY: I don't freakin' know! Oh, god. Oh... (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY AND ZIVA CLIMB TO THE BOMB) ZIVA: Here, hold this. TONY: Do you have any idea what's going to happen if this cell phone rings? (MUSIC OVER ACTION) TONY: I can see down your shirt right now. ZIVA: I don't think your new girlfriend would like that. TONY: What are you talking about? I don't know what you're talking about. ZIVA: I'm talking about you, and the fact that you no longer stare at every woman when they pass you by. TONY: Well I'm looking down your shirt right now. ZIVA: You see anything good? TONY: Yeah, real good! But I'm not entirely sure it's worth dying - over. ZIVA: Not worth dying over. I'll remember that. TONY: What if I said it was? ZIVA: Now you'll never know. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT TONY: Bomb was set to go off when the cell was called. ZIVA: It's prepaid and disposable. Never been used. GIBBS: So there's no call log. TONY: Thanks to our bomb disposal expert, we still have plenty to work with. ZIVA: Looks like two or three people were staying there. TONY: Abby's processing it. GIBBS: Nice job, Ziva. You do anything like that ever again, I'll kick your ass back to Israel. MANN: CIA refuses to let us talk to their source directly. GIBBS: Protected. MANN: The right hand still isn't talking to the left hand, and we have no idea what this source actually said. GIBBS: Oh, McGee! MCGEE: Yeah, almost there, Boss. MANN: You're not hacking the CIA? MCGEE: No, no, no. Homeland Security. They host a redundant CIA archive. MANN: All right, my superiors are not going to like this. GIBBS: Well, don't tell them. MANN: Smart and devious. That's a dangerous combination. GIBBS: You forgot charming. MCGEE: I'm in. MANN: No I didn't. MCGEE: Okay, informant's name is Mamoun Sharif. Native of Lebanon. Arrested in Beirut for extortion. Cooperated with Interpol. MANN: Helped break a stolen weapons ring on one of our bases in Turkey. MCGEE: CIA moved him to the States. Been on retainer ever since. Has a small convenient store in Roslyn, Virginia. Address. GIBBS: You bring anything other than ACUs? MANN: Would you like me to wear a dress? MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT CUSTOMER: Thank you. MAMOUN SHARIF: Hey! ABRAHAM: Huh? MAMOUN SHARIF: What did I tell you? The owner takes this out of my pocket! The next time I catch you, I'm calling the police! Out the back! (ABRAHAM AND MAMOUN SHARIF WALK TO THE BACK OF THE STORE) MAMOUN SHARIF: So don't let me catch you. ABRAHAM: Thank you. GIBBS: It still comes out of your pocket, doesn't it? MAMOUN SHARIF: Yes. But where I was born, it is a sin to turn away a hungry man. Now, what can I help you? MANN: Lieutenant Colonel Hollis Mann, Army CID. MAMOUN SHARIF: Put that away!! MANN: We have a couple questions for you about a recent tip you gave the CIA. MAMOUN SHARIF: Are you trying to get me killed! You can't contact me here! MANN: We understand the need for confidentiality. GIBBS: Just want to know how you heard about the warehouse. MAMOUN SHARIF: Who am I talking to? GIBBS AND MANN: (IN UNISON) Me. MAMOUN SHARIF: I hear things, okay? In the mosque, in the store, on the street. GIBBS: Names? MAMOUN SHARIF: Forget it. I hear things from people who hear things. Innocent people. Names I will not give. I know what happens nowadays. I am taking a big enough risk myself talking to your CIA. MANN: Which you're well-compensated for. MAMOUN SHARIF: We all have to make a living. GIBBS: Thirty-eight, super auto Colt. MAMOUN SHARIF: It's a bad neighborhood. GIBBS: You got a license? MAMOUN SHARIF: Okay, your country has been good to me. The man I heard talking in my store about the golf course... two days ago buying Ring Dings. I'm not so sure he is one of those innocent people. MANN: Why? MAMOUN SHARIF: Because of what he calls the golf course... "the beginning." MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) MCGEE: Look quick! Look! Did you see that? ZIVA: See what? MCGEE: Gibbs let her go first. He never lets anyone go first. GIBBS: Give this to Abby. I.D. on anyone buying a Slurpee. Where's Dinozzo? MCGEE: Ah, he had a doctor's appointment. GIBBS: I want him on that grocery store! MCGEE: He said he'll be back ASAP. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY LOOKS AT SNAP SHOTS) (PHONE RINGS) (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) McGee. MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) You're not really with a doctor, are you, Tony? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) As a matter of fact, I am. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Well, Gibbs keeps looking.... (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) ... at your desk and his watch. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Tell him I'll be right there. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Are you okay? TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) I was fine. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT MANN: When did you leave? (BEAT) Well, I'm a cheap date. GIBBS: This is a date? MANN: It's a figure of speech, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: So, I've got the food. Did you solve the case? MANN: No, I was about to when you broke my concentration. GIBBS: That easy to break, huh? MANN: When I'm hungry. I thought I was close to a break, but now I've got more questions than answers. And Colonel Cooper, was he specifically targeted? GIBBS: No way to know who'd be in the bunker. MANN: Okay, so the target is random, which says terrorist attack. Except the explosive was not designed to kill. GIBBS: Well, the guy in the morgue would probably disagree with that. MANN: No, I mean, if the terrorists had packed the bomb full of shrapnel, like they usually do, then the son would be dead, too. GIBBS: It would make the bomb easier to detect. MANN: Which means the terrorists' priority is clearly to avoid detection. GIBBS: Explains the lack of chatter. MANN: So if you're that busy covering your tracks, why do you write "Death to America" all over your hideout? (BEAT) Sorry. GIBBS: Don't apologize. MANN: More questions than answers. GIBBS: It's a sign of weakness. MANN: I thought it took strength to apologize. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. JOSH'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (SFX: MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) (KNOCK ON DOOR) TONY: Shouldn't you be packing? JOSH: My mom called you, didn't she? What did she tell you? TONY: That you're not going to Princeton. JOSH: She's right. TONY: Coltrane. Wouldn't have really pegged you for a jazz man, Josh. JOSH: My dad played Coltrane and Miles Davis every Sunday for as long as I can remember. The same albums over and over. Used to drive me nuts. TONY: Well, a military man is set in his routines. JOSH: The funny thing is, first time he was deployed, I found myself playing those same albums. Next thing I knew he was home and we were listening together. TONY: I know this must be a pretty difficult time for you. JOSH: If you're here to talk me out of joining the Marines... TONY: I would never talk someone out of joining the Corps. It's an honor to serve your country. JOSH: Good. I'm glad that's settled. TONY: I would ask one question, though. What's the big rush? JOSH: You know what? You're probably right. I should wait a little longer. What's a few more dead Colonels? TONY: I understand that you're pissed off. JOSH: Pissed off? They killed my dad! How would you feel?! TONY: I would want justice, but you're looking for revenge. JOSH: You're damn right! An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. TONY: Which just leaves you with a bunch of toothless blind people. JOSH: So you would just make a joke and do nothing? TONY: I would do whatever it takes, but there is a right time, a right place, and this is not the time. Not for you. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Thank you. (TO GIBBS) Homeland Security says there's an uptick in chatter. Something is definitely going on. GIBBS: You better have a fatal disease, Dinozzo. TONY: Josh's mom called. He's looking for payback. Wants to skip Princeton and join the Marines. I went to talk him out of it. GIBBS: Did you? TONY: I don't know, Boss. MANN: McGee, turn this up. Gibbs! ZNN REPORTER: (V.O./FILTERED) Fiery explosion that completely engulfed a Roslyn convenience store. The store's owner is believed to have been inside at the time of the blast. MANN: That's Sharif's place. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: First the friendly links, now the neighborhood convenience store. It's such tragedies as yours, Mister Sharif, that make my mother afraid to leave the house, which does not bode well for me, I'm afraid. Now your visit is premature. I'm still waiting for the rest of him to be delivered. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: Until then, you have? DUCKY: Well, the obvious. Same as before. Except this time the dismemberment was caused by some form of high impact explosive. MANN: His dismemberment, but not his death? DUCKY: Correct, Colonel. Yes, as you can see he was in the pugilist-at-rest posture at the time of his demise. This preying mantis posture is one of man's oldest defensive positions. Almost always assumed when battling intense heat and flame. MANN: So Sharif was burned alive. GIBBS: The place was torched before the bomb went off? MANN: That kind of overkill means they were either sending a message... GIBBS: Or there was something there they didn't want us to find. MANN: We may have beat them to it. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY ABBY: Oh, come on! Down in front, man! MANN: Do all your people talk to themselves? GIBBS: Don't yours? ABBY: Have you any idea how many Ring Dings are sold each day in your average convenience store? GIBBS: Abs? The customers? ABBY: The customers! They're talking about everything from the weather, to hemorrhoid cream. MANN: There's no audio. How do you know what they're talking about? (BEAT) Aha. You read lips. (ABBY AND GIBBS SIGN) MANN: Okay, you guys want to keep talking about me, or get back to the case. ABBY: Um, after watching seven hours of the most boring reality show ever made, I have narrowed it down to one final contestant. He refers to himself as Abraham. He didn't say the name of the golf course, but he did say that the day of judgment was approaching. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: According to Maryland DMV records, his full name is Abraham Moussalah. Born in nineteen seventy-four, serve three years for robbing a convenience store in Baltimore. Almost got away with eighty-six dollars and some Ding Dongs. MCGEE: Spent some time in a psych ward. Converted to a radical sect of Islam. MANN: Got a last known for him? ZIVA: His probation officer hasn't heard from him in over a year. MCGEE: There are no credit cards, no car registrations. Boss, this guy's gone off the grid. ZIVA: Check the BOLO. See if there's any hits. MANN: CID should have intel on Abraham's sect. I'll make a few calls. MCGEE: I'm going to coordinate with local LEOs and Highway Patrol. Where's Tony? GIBBS: Don't worry about Tony. Tony is fine. (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. On my way, Abs.(PHONE RINGS) MANN: (INTO PHONE) I'll wait. MCGEE: Ziva! Tony is...? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. JOSH'S BEDROOM JOSH'S MOTHER: (V.O.) Thanks again.(DOOR OPENS) TONY: Thank you. (TO JOSH) Hey! Looks like you made up your mind. JOSH: Special Agent slash mind reader. TONY: Well, when you're good, you're good. I wasn't reading your mind, I was reading your body language. You're relaxed. The struggle is over. You've made up your mind. JOSH: Special Agent slash Doctor Phil. TONY: So what's it going to be, Josh? Six a.m. wakeups and desert camo, or all night frat parties and Jell-o shots with coeds? JOSH: I decided to do what my dad always wanted me to. TONY: Ah, I'm guessing he wasn't a big fan of Jell-o shots. JOSH: No. But he was a big fan of Princeton. TONY: So you're going back to school. JOSH: And Georgetown Law, then into Naval Intelligence. TONY: Ha ha. That's good. We could use the help. Listen, I keep my word, Josh. We're going to find the person who did this. JOSH: I know, Tony. It's in your body language. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY ABBY: Remember the cell phone that was never used? Well, it was used, only all the data was hard-erased. MANN: Hard-erased? ABBY: What part of hard-erased do you not understand? MANN: All of it. ABBY: Well, then you've come to the right place. A cell phone is very much like a computer. You can delete data off of it, but then if someone knows where to look, it's... GIBBS: The bottom line, Abby. ABBY: Um, the cell phone was used once. It was an incoming call, probably to test the detonator. And then it was reset to factory defaults. GIBBS: You got a number? ABBY: I thought you'd never ask. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: (V.O.) The incoming call came from the warehouse Sharif gave the CIA. (ON CAMERA) Must be where Abraham was testing the detonator. GIBBS: He's not there now. MANN: The place has been crawling with EOD since yesterday. GIBBS: Can you trace that call? MCGEE: If it's on. Ziva! ZIVA: Almost done. MCGEE: I'm having Ziva scan the cell-tower control-track frequencies, looking for the cell's registration request. ZIVA: McGee, it just powered up! GIBBS: Tell me he's not making a call! MCGEE: Nope, not yet. Ah, I've got his location. M Street and Wisconsin. GIBBS: Georgetown Promenade. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. PROMENADE - DAY TONY: You guys weren't planning on starting without me, were you? ZIVA: Who's that? MANN: Flanking positions on the Promenade. East and west. OFFICER: Yes, Ma'am. GIBBS: Clear the civilians. Quietly. Dinozzo. TONY: Princeton. MANN: There. Abraham on the bench. ZIVA: If he sees us clear the Promenade, he may detonate. MANN: If it's a trip wire, any of these people may detonate it. ZIVA: On the second bomb he used a cell phone. TONY: The cell phone's not connected to the back pack? GIBBS: Trip wire, cell phone? Who knows how he armed this one. TONY: A dead-man switch? (BEAT) Or not. GIBBS: Dinozzo, you keep your ears on me. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WALKS TO ABRAHAM) MANN: What the hell is he doing? TONY: What he always does. OFFICER: (V.O.) Everybody move back! We need to clear this area. MAN: Hey, my hat! MANN: Four marriages. Negotiating is probably not his thing. TONY: You'd be surprised. MANN: Oh, I have been so far. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARK BENCH - DAY (SFX: TELEPHONE GAME TONES) GIBBS: (INTO RADIO) The cell's not the detonator. (TO ABRAHAM) My son, Tony, he plays that same game. (V.O./FILTERED) What's your name? ABRAHAM: Abraham. GIBBS: Hey, Abraham. Jethro. ABRAHAM: Jethro? GIBBS: That's the name they gave me. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PROMENADE - DAY (VOICE: "Everybody please stay calm. Stay back.") [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARK BENCH - DAY ABRAHAM: That means friend of God. The father-in-law of Moses. He walked with the Israelites when God parted the Red Sea. You know why God parted the Red Sea? GIBBS: No. ABRAHAM: To show the people that sea creatures were totally dependent on God's will. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PROMENADE - DAY MCGEE: What is he talking about? TONY: I'd say this guy's a few puppies short of a pet shop. ZIVA: Most suicide bombers are. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARK BENCH - DAY GIBBS: Abraham, can I ask you a question? Do you think it's all right for someone to hurt innocent people? ABRAHAM: No, Jethro! GIBBS: I didn't think so. What are you doing here, Abraham? ABRAHAM: I'm waiting for my friend. He's going to take me to dinner. GIBBS: Did your friend give you the backpack? ABRAHAM: Mm-hmm. About an hour ago. He said so I don't lose it. GIBBS: What's this friend's name? ABRAHAM: Sharif. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PROMENADE - DAY TONY: So who's laying in Autopsy then? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARK BENCH - DAY ABRAHAM: He was supposed to meet me here at three o'clock. GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Ziva!! ZIVA: Right behind you! GIBBS: Abraham, is it all right if we take a look in your backpack? TONY: EOD's still on their way, Boss. MANN: We're out of time. You want me to diffuse it, because before you said you'd kick my ass if-- GIBBS: Do it! The rest of you go! Go on! Get out of here! (SFX: STEADY BEEP TONES) MCGEE: Thirty seconds. ZIVA: Tony, Army knife. ABRAHAM: What is your name? MCGEE: Uh... Tim. TONY: It means "he who is about to wet his pants." (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAMERA PANS ON CUSTOMERS) ABRAHAM: Why is he going to wet his pants? (SFX: ZIVA LAUGHS) GIBBS: He's here. MANN: No, not anymore.	Plan: A: a ransom case; Q: What is the NCIS team investigating? A: a Marine's daughter; Q: Who is the victim of the ransom case? A: Marine; Q: What is the father of the kidnapped girl's father's profession? A: the kidnapper; Q: Who attacked the Marine in his home? A: The investigation; Q: What leads them to the fact that the couple has been separated? A: the woman; Q: Who is the ex-boyfriend's ex-wife? A: their marriage; Q: What did the wife's ex-boyfriend destroy? A: Abby's Halloween costume; Q: What do McGee and Tony find shocking? Summary: It is Halloween, and the NCIS team is busy investigating a ransom case in which a Marine's daughter has been kidnapped after the kidnapper attacked the Marine in his home. The investigation leads them to a fact that the couple has been separated. They decide to focus on the wife's ex-boyfriend, after learning that the woman is the one who destroyed their marriage. Meanwhile, McGee and Tony are stunned by Abby's Halloween costume.
Recap of 312 "The sound of drums". OPENING CREDITS We see a computer screen showing the solar system with a concentration on the Earth. To the right it reads "EXTINCTION". COMPUTER: Space lane traffic is advised to stay away from Sol 3, also known as Earth. Pilots are warned that Sol 3 is now entering terminal extinction. Planet Earth is closed. Planet Earth is closed. Planet Earth is closed. Over a shot of the Earth spinning in space, we see the caption "ONE YEAR LATER". We then see an old fashioned lantern before the camera pans out and we see it is held by a man somewhere in his late twenties with a scruffy beard. A boat offshore answers with a light of its own. A figure dressed in black wades ashore and strides up the beach. As it gets closer, we see it's Martha. MARTHA: What's your name, then? TOM: Tom Milligan. No need to ask who you are, the famous Martha Jones. How long since you were last in Britain? MARTHA: 365 days. It's been a long year. Martha and Tom walk up the beach. TOM: So what's the plan? MARTHA: This Professor Docherty. I need to see her. Can you get me there? TOM: She works in a repair shed, Nuclear Plant 7. I can get you inside. What's all this for? What's so important about her? MARTHA: Sorry, the more you know, the more you're at risk. TOM: There's a lot of people depending on you. You're a bit of a legend. MARTHA: What does the legend say? TOM: That you sailed the Atlantic, walked across America. That you're the only person to get out of Japan alive. Martha Jones, they say: She's gonna save the world. Bit late for that. MARTHA (on seeing his truck) : How come you can drive? Don't you get stopped? TOM: Medical staff. Used to be in paediatrics back in the old days. But that gives me a license to travel so I can help out at the labour camps. MARTHA: Great. I'm travelling with a doctor. They both get into the truck. TOM: Story goes, that you're the only person on Earth who can kill him. That you, and you alone, can kill the Master stone dead. MARTHA: Let's just drive. The Valiant sails above the clouds. MASTER (voice over): Citizens rejoice. Your lord and master stands on high playing Track 3. The door to the conference room / bridge opens and the Master spins. "I Can't Decide", by Scissor Sisters plays and the Master sings along. # I can't decide whether you should live or die... The Master struts in then slides to Lucy who is wearing a red gown. # Though you'll probably go to Heaven. Please don't hang your head and cry... He gives Lucy a long kiss. # No wonder why my heart feels dead inside. It's cold and hard and petrified. Lock the doors and close the blinds, we're goin' for a ride... The Master sits in one of the chairs at the table and spins as Francine, in a maid's uniform, serves him tea. # Oh, I could throw you in a lake or feed you poisoned birthday cake. I won't deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone... The Master runs up onto the bridge and begins ringing an old-fashioned ship's bell. The Doctor crawls out of a tent that has straw on the floor. Beside the tent is a bowl that reads "DOG". # Oh, I could bury you alive but you might crawl out with a knife and kill me when I'm sleeping, that's why... The Master goes down to the Doctorand forces him into a wheelchair. # I can't decide whether you should live or die though you'll probably go to Heaven. Please don't hang your head and cry. No wonder why my heart feels dead inside. It's cold and hard and petrified. Lock the doors and close the blinds, we're goin' for a ride... #. The Master pushes the Doctor around the room in the wheelchair ending up by one of the windows. MASTER: It's ready to rise, Doctor. The new Time Lord Empire. (Some Toclafane spheres float by). It's good, isn't it? Isn't it good? Anything? No? Anything? (Waves his hand in front of the Doctor's face). Oh, but they broke your hearts, didn't they? Those Toclafane, ever since you worked out what they really are. They say Martha Jones... has come back home. Now why would she do that? DOCTOR: Leave her alone. MASTER: But you said something to her, didn't you? On the day I took control. (Kneeling on the floor, the Doctor whispers in Martha's ear). What did you tell her? DOCTOR: I have one thing to say to you. You know what it is. MASTER: Oh, no you don't! Gets up and pushes the Doctor away until he hits a wall. PA: Valiant now entering Zone One airspace. Citizens rejoice. MASTER (claps hands): Come on, people! What are we doing? Launch Day in 24 hours! The Doctor presses three fingers against his thigh. Francine walks by and out into a corridor past Clive, who is now a janitor. She holds up three fingers and keeps walking. When Tish, also a maid, passes Clive, he signals her with three fingers. Tish approaches a gated area and a guard lets her in. JACK (cheerful): Morning, Tish. (His wrists are manacled, arms outstretched, the chains attached to the wall on either side). Ah, smell that sea air. Makes me long for good old fish and chips. (Laughs). Yeah. What do I get? Cold mashed swede. Some hotel. Last time I book over the Internet. Tish feeds him a spoonful then holds three fingers against the tray where he can see it. Jack winks. In a rocky valley, there is a monumental stature of the Master carved in rock. MARTHA: All over the Earth, those things. He's even carved himself into Mount Rushmore. TOM: Best to keep down. Here we go. (They peer over rocks). The entire south coast of England... converted into shipyards. They bring in slave labour every morning. (The ships in question are rocket ships, silos as far as the eye can see). Break up cars, houses, anything, just for the metal. Building a fleet out of scrap. MARTHA: You should see Russia. That's Shipyard Number One. All the way from the Black Sea to the Bering Strait. There's 100,000 rockets ready for war. TOM: War? With who? MARTHA: The rest of the universe. I've been out there, Tom. In space. Before all this happened. And there's a thousand different civilizations all around us with no idea of what's happening here. The Master can build weapons big enough to devastate them all. TOM: You've been in space? MARTHA: Problem with that? TOM: No. No, just uh... Wow. Anything else I should know? MARTHA: I've met Shakespeare. Two Toclafane come up behind them. Tom turns and faces them. Martha stays still. TOCLAFANE 1: Identify, little man. TOM: I... I've got a license. Thomas Milligan, Peripatetic Medical Squad. I'm allowed to travel. (Holds up licence). I was just checking f... TOCLAFANE 2: Soon the rockets will fly and everyone will need medicine. You'll be so busy. They laugh and fly away. TOM: But, they didn't see you. MARTHA (takes out TARDIS key) : How do you think I travelled the world? They walk back to the truck. MARTHA: 'Cause the Master set up Archangel, that mobile network, 15 satellites around the planet, but really it's transmitting a low-level psychic field. That's how everyone got hypnotised into thinking he was Harold Saxon. TOM: Saxon. Feels like years ago. MARTHA: But they key's tuned in to the same frequency. Makes me sort of... not invisible, just unnoticeable. TOM: But I can see you. MARTHA: That's 'cause you wanted to. Laughs. TOM: Yeah, I suppose I did. MARTHA: Is there a Mrs Milligan? TOM: No. No. What about you? MARTHA: There used to be someone. Scene from "Smith and Jones" when the Doctor kisses her in the hallway followed by the last time she saw him on the Valiant. MARTHA: A long time ago. Come on. I've got to find this Docherty woman. Gets into truck. TOM: We'll have to wait until the next work shift. What time is it now? MARTHA: Nearly 3:00. A clock on the bridge reads 14:58. The Doctor looks over at Francine and Tish. Clive and Jack can both see the time. Jack begins to pull on his chains. The Master walks into the room followed by Lucy. MASTER: Time for my massage. Who shall I have today? Tanya. Come on, sweetheart. Lucy, have you met Tanya? She's gorgeous. (Takes off jacket and throws it onto the table). Tanya, when we get to the stars, I'm gonna take you to Katria Nova. Whirlpools of gold. The bolts holding Jack's chains are slowly coming free of the wall. MASTER (sitting down) : You two should get to know each other. That might be fun. Tanya begins to massage his shoulders. Jack groans as he pulls the chains free. He then pulls out a steam hose and turns it on his guard. At the same time, Clive throws water on some exposed wiring, starting a fire. PA: Condition red! MASTER: What the hell? Goes up the stairs to the bridge. PA: Repeat: condition red. Francine grabs the Master's jacket and throws it to Tish who hands it to the Doctor. The Doctor takes out the laser screwdriver and aims it at the Master. MASTER: Oh, I see. Puts hands up. DOCTOR: I told you. I have one thing to say. The screwdriver doesn't work and the Master laughs. Clive is caught and armed guards stop Jack. JACK: Oh, here we go again. Puts out arms and men fire. The Doctor keeps trying the screwdriver. MASTER (leans over): Isomorphic controls. (Takes screwdriver then backhands the Doctor sending him to the floor). Which means they only work for me. Like this. (Shoots the wall beside Francine). Say sorry! FRANCINE: Sorry. Sorry. Sorry! TISH: Mum! Runs to her. MASTER: Didn't you learn anything from the blessed Saint Martha? (Lucy runs over, picks up his jacket, and helps put it on). Siding with the Doctor is a very dangerous thing to do. Take them away. GUARD: Move! Come on. Forces Francine and Tish out. MASTER: Okay. Gotcha. (Lifts the Doctor into a chair). There you go, Gramps. (Sits on the edge of the table). Oh, do you know, I remember the days when the Doctor, oh, that famous Doctor, was waging a time war. Battling Sea Devils and Axons. He sealed the rift at the Medusa Cascade single-handed. Ooh. And look at him now. Stealing screwdrivers. How did he ever come to this? Oh yeah. Me! Laughs. DOCTOR: I just need you to listen. MASTER: No, it's my turn. Revenge! Best served hot. And this time... It's a message for Miss Jones. Tom cuts a hole in a chain-link fence large enough for both the two of them to squeeze through. They then run across an open area of the compound before reaching their destination. Professor Docherty an older woman, is hitting an old monitor when they find her. TOM: Professor Docherty? DOCHERTY: Busy. TOM: They, uh, they sent word ahead. I'm Tom Milligan. This is Martha Jones. DOCHERTY: She can be the Queen of Sheba for all I care. I'm still busy. MARTHA: Televisions don't work anymore. DOCHERTY: Oh, God, I miss Countdown. Hasn't been the same since Des took over. Both Deses. What's the plural of Des? Desii? Deseen? But we've been told there's gonna be a transmission. (Bangs the monitor). From the man himself. (Static appears onscreen). There! A grainy black and white shot of the Master appears. MASTER (looking into the camera): My people. Salutations on this, the eve of war. (The Jones family watching, cuffed in a cell). Lovely woman. But I know there's all sorts of whispers down there. (Jack, back in chains, watches). Stories of a child, walking the Earth, giving you hope. (Walks to stand beside the Doctor). But I ask you... how much hope has this man got? Say hello, Gandalf. Except he's not that old but he's an alien with a much greater lifespan than you stunted, little apes. What if it showed? What if I suspend your capacity to regenerate? All 900 years of your life, Doctor. What if we could see them? (Uses screwdriver on him again). Older and older and older. (Everyone watches as the Doctor writhes in agony). Down you go, Doctor. (the Doctor falls to the floor). Down, down, down you go. (Stops and there is silence). Doctor. (Bends down to see the Doctor's clothes lying on the floor, empty. Up by the neck, a large domed head peers out with huge, blinking eyes. The Master walks back to the camera). Received and understood, Miss Jones? Ends transmission. TOM: I'm sorry. MARTHA (smiles): The Doctor's still alive. DOCHERTY: Obviously the Archangel Network would seem to be... the Master's greatest weakness. 15 satellites all around Earth, still transmitting. That's why there's so little resistance. It's broadcasting a telepathic signal that keeps people scared. TOM: We could just take them out. DOCHERTY: We could. 15 ground-to-air missiles. You got any on you? Besides, any military action, the Toclafane descend. MARTHA: They're not called Toclafane. That's a name the Master made up. DOCHERTY: Then what are they, then? MARTHA: That's why I came to find you. Know your enemy. I've got this. (Pulls out a computer CD). No one's been able to look at a sphere close up. They can't even be damaged. Except once. The lightening strike in South Africa brought one of them down. Just by chance. I've got the readings on this. Dochertyputs the disc into the computer. She bangs it a few times before it works. DOCHERTY: Oh, whoever thought we'd miss Bill Gates. TOM: So is that why you travelled the world? To find a disc? MARTHA: No. Just got lucky. DOCHERTY: I heard stories that you walked the Earth to find a way to build a weapon. (Martha remembers the Doctor whispering to her). There! A current of 58.5 kilo amperes transferred charge of 510 megajoules precisely. TOM: Can you recreate that? DOCHERTY: I think so. Easily, yes. MARTHA: All right then, Dr Milligan, we're gonna get us a sphere. Tom is outside the plant, gun in hand, waiting. He fires three times then takes off running, a sphere following. Martha is watching for him while Docherty makes the final preparations. MARTHA: He's coming! You ready?! DOCHERTY: You do your job, I'll do mine! TOM: Now! Docherty turns on the power and the sphere is caught in an electrical field. It drops to the ground. The three approach, Tom has his gun aimed at it. DOCHERTY: That's only half the job. Let's find out what's inside. A shot of the empty bridge except for the now gnome-like Doctor in a large birdcage. FRANCINE (voice-over): I'm gonna kill him. If I have to wait 100 years, I'm going to kill the Master. (Shot of Jack). One day he'll let his guard down. One day. (The Jones family in their cell). And I'll be there. CLIVE: No, that's my job. I'll swear to you. I'd shoot that man stone dead. Kisses Francine. TISH: I'll get him. Even if it kills me. FRANCINE: Don't say that. TISH: I mean it. That man made us stand on deck and watch Japan burning. Millions of people. I swear to you, he's dead. The Master takes a somewhat timid Lucy into the Valiant's conference room. MASTER: Tomorrow, they launch. (Walks into the room, Lucy clinging to his arm). We're opening up a rift in the Braccatolian space. They won't see us coming. Kinda scary. DOCTOR: Then stop. MASTER: Once the empire is established and there's a new Gallifrey in the heavens, maybe then... it stops. (Looks at the Doctor through the bars). The drumming. The never-ending drumbeat. Shot from "THE SOUND OF DRUMS" of the Master as a child in front of the Untempered Schism MASTER: Ever since I was a child. I looked into the vortex. That's when it chose me. The drumming, the call to war. Can't you hear it? Listen, it's there now. Right now. Tell me you can hear it, Doctor. Tell me. DOCTOR: It's only you. MASTER: Good. The door opens and a sphere enters. SPHERE: Tomorrow, the war. Tomorrow we rise. Never to fall. MASTER: You see? I'm doing it for them! You should be grateful! After all, you love them. So very, very much. Docherty is working on opening the sphere. DOCHERTY: There's some sort of magnetic clamp. Hold on, I'll just trip the... (The clamp opens and Docherty opens the sides like petals). Oh my God! Martha and Tom peer inside. There is a wizened human head attached to machinery. Lights come on and it opens its eyes. The three jump back, startled. DOCHERTY: It's alive. SPHERE: Martha. Martha Jones. TOM: It knows you. SPHERE: Sweet, kind Martha Jones. You helped us to fly. MARTHA: What do you mean? SPHERE: You led us to salvation. MARTHA: Who are you? SPHERE: The skies are made of diamonds. MARTHA: No. (Backs away). You can't be him. Clip from "UTOPIA". CREET: The skies are made of diamonds. Padra and his family are in a queue heading for the rocket. The Futurekind watch as the rocket lifts off and howl. SPHERE: We share each other's memories. You sent him to Utopia. MARTHA: Oh my God! TOM: What's it talking about? What's it mean? DOCHERTY: What are they? TOM: Martha. Martha, tell us. What are they? MARTHA: They're us. They're humans. The human race from the future. The Master is sitting down at the table. MASTER: I took Lucy to Utopia. A Time Lord and his human companion. I took her to see the stars. Isn't that right, sweetheart? LUCY: Trillions of years into the future. To the end of the universe. MASTER: Tell him what you saw. LUCY: Dying. Everything dying. The whole of creation was falling apart. And I thought... there's no point. No point to anything. Not ever. MASTER: And it's all your fault. MARTHA: I'd sort of worked it out, with the paradox machine. Because the Doctor said, on the day before the Master came to power, he said... Scene from "THE SOUND OF DRUMS". DOCTOR: When he was stealing the TARDIS, the only thing I could do was fuse the coordinates. I locked them permanently. From "[i]UTOPIA". The Doctor is holding out the sonic screwdriver and the TARDIS console sparks.[/i] DOCTOR: He can only travel between the year 100 trillion and the last place the TARDIS landed. Which is right here, right now. MARTHA: The Master had the TARDIS, this time machine, but the only other place he could go was the end of the universe. So he found Utopia. MASTER: You should have seen it, Doctor. Furnaces, burning. The last of humanity screaming at the dark. MARTHA: The Utopia Project was the last hope. Trying to find a way to escape the end of everything. SPHERE: There was no solution, no diamonds. Just the dark and the cold. MASTER: All that human invention that had sustained them across the eons. It all turned inwards. They cannibalised themselves. SPHERE: We made ourselves so pretty. MASTER: Regressing into children. But it didn't work. The universe was collapsing around them. SPHERE: But then the Master came with his wonderful time machine to bring us back home. DOCHERTY: But that's a paradox. If you're the future of the human race, and you've come back to murder your ancestors, you should cancel yourselves out. You shouldn't exist. MARTHA: And that's the paradox machine. Shot of the Master inside the TARDIS turning it into the paradox machine. MASTER: My masterpiece, Doctor. A living TARDIS, strong enough to hold the paradox in place, allowing the past and the future to collide in infinite majesty. DOCTOR: But you're changing history. Not just Earth, the entire universe. MASTER: I'm a Time Lord. I have that right. DOCTOR: But even then, why come all this way just to destroy? SPHERE: We've come backwards in time to build a brand new empire lasting 100 trillion years. MASTER: With me as their master. Time Lord and humans combined. Haven't you always dreamt of that, Doctor? TOM: What about us? SPHERE: Because it's fun! Laughs madly. Tom shoots it. MASTER (walks to Doctor) : Human race. Greatest monster of them all. Night-night. Walks out, arm around Lucy. The sphere follows. Martha, Tom and Docherty are in her living quarters. DOCHERTY: I think it's time we had the truth, Miss Jones. The legend says you've travelled the world to find a way of killing the Master. Tell us, is it true? MARTHA: Just before I escaped, the Doctor told me... Clip from "THE SOUND OF DRUMS" of the Doctor whispering in her ear. MARTHA: The Doctor and the Master, they've been coming to Earth for years. And they've been watched. (Takes a case from her pack). There's UNIT and Torchwood, all studying Time Lords in secret. And they made this. The ultimate defence. Opens the case to reveal a special gun. TOM: All you need to do is get close. I can shoot the Master dead with this. Shows his gun. DOCHERTY: Actually, you can put that down now, thank you very much. MARTHA: Point is, it's not so easy to kill a Time Lord. They can regenerate; literally bring themselves back to life. DOCHERTY: Ah, the Master's immortal. Wonderful. MARTHA: Except for this. (Picks up gun). Four chemicals, slotted into the gun, inject him... kills a Time Lord permanently. TOM: Four chemicals? You've only got three. MARTHA: Still need the last one 'cause the components of this gun were kept safe, scattered across the world. And I found them. San Diego, Beijing, Budapest and London. TOM: Then where is it? MARTHA: There's an old UNIT base, north London. I've found the access codes. Tom, you've got to get me there. Tom and Martha take their leave. TOM: We can't go across London in the dark. It's full of wild dogs; we'd get eaten alive. We can wait till the morning, then go with the medical convoy. DOCHERTY: You can spend the night here, if you like. TOM: No, we can get halfway, stay at the slave quarters in Bexley. Professor, thank you. Shakes her hand. DOCHERTY: Good luck. MARTHA: Thanks. Kisses Docherty on the cheek. DOCHERTY: Martha, could you do it? Could you actually kill him? MARTHA: Got no choice. DOCHERTY: You might be many things, but you don't look like a killer to me. Martha and Tom creep down a dark street of row houses. They sneak past the guards and up to one of the houses. TOM (knocks) : Let me in. It's Milligan. The door opens and he and Martha rush in. The house is crowded with people, barely room to move. WOMAN: Did you bring food? TOM: Couldn't get any. And I'm starving. WOMAN: All we've got is water. MARTHA: I'm sorry. TOM: It's cheaper than building barracks. Pack them in, 100 in each house, ferry them off to the shipyards every morning. BOY: Are you Martha Jones? MARTHA: Yeah, that's me. BOY: Can you do it? Can you kill him? They said you can kill the Master, can you? Tell us you can do it. Please tell us you can do it. WOMAN: Who is the Master? Everyone starts talking at once. [SCENE_BREAK] TOM: Come on, just leave her alone. She's exhausted. MARTHA: No, it's all right. They want me to talk and I will. Docherty approaches a curtained-off room and opens a false high voltage panel behind which is hiding a working computer. The Archangel logo rotates onscreen. DOCHERTY: Access Priority One. This is Professor Alison Docherty. COMPUTER: State your intent. DOCHERTY: First of all, I need to know about my son. COMPUTER: State your intent. DOCHERTY: Is my son still alive? COMPUTER: State your intent. DOCHERTY: I have some information for the Master... concerning Martha Jones. The Doctor is sleeping, curled up at the bottom of his cage. The door slides open and the Master enters on tiptoe and turns on the lights. He is in a dark silk robe and his hair is mussed. MASTER (smiles): Guess what? Martha is sitting on the staircase surrounded by everyone in the house. MARTHA: I travelled across the world. From the ruins of New York, to the fusion mills of China, right across the radiation pits of Europe. And everywhere I went, I saw people just like you, living as slaves. But if Martha Jones became a legend, then that's wrong because my name isn't important. There's someone else. The man who sent me out there. The man who told me to walk the Earth. His name is the Doctor. He has saved your lives so many times, and you never even knew he was there. He never stops. He never stays. He never asks to be thanked. But I've seen him. I know him. I love him. And I know what he can do. The woman who greeted them at the door pushes her way forward. WOMAN: It's him! It's him! Oh my God, it's him! It's the Master! He's here! MARTHA stands. BOY: But he never comes to Earth! He never walks upon the ground! WOMAN: Hide her! TOM: Use this! Throws what looks to be a blanket or tarp. The Master walks down the street outside, flanked by armed guards. There are also spheres present. Inside, Tomcocks his gun and squats by the mail slot to look outside. BOY: He walks among us, out lord and master. MASTER: Martha. Martha Jo-hones. (High-pitched). I can see you! (Normal). Out you come, little girl. Come and meet your master. Anybody? Nobody? No? Nothing? Positions! I'll give the order unless you surrender. Ask yourself... what would the Doctor do? Martha removes her TARDIS key and shakes off the cover. Everyone looks in her direction. Outside, the MASTER is still waiting. Martha stands by Tom at the door and puts her hand on the gun. He slowly stands. With a little smile for everyone inside, Martha opens the door and steps out. MASTER: Oh, yes! (Claps). Oh, very well done! Good girl! He trained you well. (Martha walks into the street) Bag. Give me the bag. No, stay there. Just throw it. (Martha takes off her pack and throws it onto the ground. The Master fires his laser at it, destroying everything inside). And now, good companion, your work his done. Holds out laser. TOM (runs into the street, gun aimed at the Master) : No! The Master shoots Tom instead and he falls to the ground. Martha can only glare as the Master chuckles. MASTER: But you... when you die, the Doctor should be witness, hm? (Inhales deeply). Almost dawn, Martha. And planet Earth marches to war. Shot of the Valiant MASTER (voice-over): Citizens of Earth, rejoice and observe. The door to the conference room opens and two guards escort in Martha. She walks forward alone. To one side she sees her family and to the other side is Jack. At the base of the stairs to her right is the Doctor in his cage. She smiles softly. Jack moves to go to her but stops when his guard motioned with his gun. MASTER: Your teleport device. In case your thought I'd forgotten. (Martha reaches into a pocket in her pants and throws him the manipulator). And now... kneel. (Martha does). Down below, the fleet is ready to launch. Two hundred thousand ships set to burn across the universe. (Goes to comm. Link). Are we ready? MAN (on link) : The fleet awaits your signal. Rejoice! MASTER: Three minutes to align the black hole converters. Counting down! (A clock on the wall counts down the seconds). I never could resist a ticking clock. My children, are you ready? There are billions of spheres waiting above the Earth. SPHERES: We will fly and blaze and slice! We will fly and blaze and slice! MASTER: At zero, to mark this day, the child, Martha Jones, will die. Ha, my first blood. Ha, any last words? No? (Looks at the Doctor). Such a disappointment, this one. Days of old, Doctor, you had companions who could absorb the time vortex. This one's useless! (To Martha) : Bow your head. And so it falls to me, the Master of all, to establish from this day, a new order of Time Lords! From this day forward... (Martha chuckles). What? What's so funny? MARTHA: A gun? MASTER: What about it? MARTHA: A gun in four parts? MASTER: Yes, and I destroyed it. MARTHA: A gun in four parts scattered across the world? I mean, come on. Did you really believe that? MASTER: What do you mean? DOCTOR: As if I would ask her to kill. MASTER: Oh, well, it doesn't matter. I've got her exactly where I want her. MARTHA: But I knew what Professor Docherty would do. The Resistance knew about her son. MASTER :That's why I came to find you. Know your enemy. MARTHA: I told her about the gun, so she'd get me here. At the right time. MASTER: Oh, but you're still gonna die! MARTHA: Don't you wanna know what I was doing? Travelling the world? MASTER: Tell me. MARTHA: I told a story, that's all. No weapons, just words. I did just what the Doctor said. I went across the continents all on my own. And everywhere I went, I found the people, and I told them my story. MARTHA: He has saved your lives so many times, and you never even knew he was there. He never stops. He never stays. He never asks to be thanked. But I've seen him. I know him. MARTHA (voice-over): I told them about the Doctor. MARTHA: I love him. And I told them to pass it on, to spread the word so that everyone would know about the Doctor. MASTER: Faith and hope? Is that all? MARTHA: No, 'cause I gave them an instruction. Just as the Doctor said. Stands. The Doctor 's final conversation that day aboard the Valiant. DOCTOR: Use the countdown. MARTHA: I told them that if everyone thinks of one word, at one specific time... MASTER: Nothing will happen! Is that your weapon?! Prayer?! MARTHA: Right across the world. One word, just one thought, at one moment... but with 15 satellites! MASTER: What? JACK: The Archangel Network. MARTHA: A telepathic field binding the whole human race together, with all of them, every single person on Earth, thinking the same thing at the same time. And that word... is Doctor. The countdown reaches zero and a glowing field rings around the Doctor. MASTER: Stop it. No, no, no, no, you don't! JACK (closes eyes) : Doctor. FRANCINE (eyes closed): Doctor. MASTER: Do... Large plasma screens on the walls show crowds of people across the world gathered in public places all saying "Doctor". MASTER: Stop this right now! Stop it! LUCY (closes eyes): Doctor. JACK: Doctor. MARTHA: Doctor. Still with an energy field about him, the Doctor has broken from the cage and is now an old man. DOCTOR: I've had a whole year to tune myself into the psychic network and integrate with its matrices. MASTER: I order you to stop! More shots of people around the world saying "Doctor" including the people who sheltered Martha and Tom. LUCY: Doctor. The Doctor returns to his normal self. DOCTOR: The one thing you can't do. Stop them thinking. Martha and Jack laugh. The Master is shocked. Using the telepathic field, the Doctor levitates. DOCTOR: Tell me the human race is degenerate now when they can do this. Martha runs to her family and hugs Francine. Tish hugs them both. MASTER: No! Fires laser at the Doctor but the field deflects it. DOCTOR: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. MASTER: Then I'll kill them! (Aims laser at Martha and her family but the Doctor throws it across the room telekinetically. Unarmed, the Master panics). You can't do this! You can't do... It's not fair! DOCTOR: And you know what happens now. MASTER: No! (The Doctor floats to the Master who backs away down the stairs). No! (Grovels). No! No! DOCTOR: You wouldn't listen. MASTER: No! DOCTOR: Because you know what I'm going to say. MASTER: No! Curls into foetal position. The Doctor lands, walks over to the whimpering Master and wraps his arms about him. DOCTOR: I forgive you. MASTER: My children! SPHERES: Protect the paradox! Protect the paradox! Protect the paradox! DOCTOR: Captain! The paradox machine! JACK: You men! With me! You stay here! The MASTER pulls out the manipulator and activates it. DOCTOR: No! Puts his hands on it and they both disappear. The Master and the Doctor materialise on a rocky cliff. MASTER (spreads arms) : Now it ends, Doctor. (Thunder rolls). Now it ends. Alarms sound at the nearby shipyard. Jack races through the corridors of the Valiant, guards with him. MARTHA (on the bridge): We've all 6 billion spheres heading straight for us! DOCTOR: We've got control of the Valiant. You can't launch. MASTER: Oh, but I've got this. (Holds up small device). Black hole converter inside every ship. If I can't have this world, Doctor, then neither can you. We shall stand upon this Earth, together, as it burns! Jack reaches the TARDIS but there are three spheres guarding it. The other spheres race back to the Valiant. Jack and the guards fire at the spheres. GUARD: Can't get in. We'd get slaughtered! JACK: Yeah. Happens to me a lot. Goes in firing. Martha and Tish watch on the bridge as the spheres get closer. DOCTOR: Weapon after weapon after weapon. All you do is talk and talk and talk. But over all these years... and all these disasters, I've always had the greatest secret of them all. I know you. Explode those ships, you kill yourself. That's the one thing you can never do. (Holds out hand). Give that to me. The Master slaps the device into his hand. Jack makes it inside the TARDIS. He fires at the casing, causing sparks and destroying the paradox machine. The Doctor and the Master fall to the ground as the Earth shakes. They fight for control of the manipulator. The Doctor takes them back to the Valiant. Just as they're about the reach the ship, the spheres disappear. The ship rocks as the paradox is destroyed and Martha is thrown back only to be caught by the Doctor who smiles. DOCTOR: Everyone down! Time is reversing! He falls to the floor, lies face-to-face with Martha and laughs. Francine spots a gun on the floor that must have fallen unnoticed from one of the guards. She looks over at the Master as he clings to the railings. Time rolls back and on Earth, people are screaming, not knowing what is going on. They then disappear as does the statue of the Master and the shipyards. Time slows and the Valiant stills. The major cities on Earth are all back to normal. DOCTOR (stands and checks controls): The paradox is broken. We've reverted back, one year and one day. Two minutes past 8:00 in the morning. Turns on comms. MALE VOICE (over comms): This is UNIT Central. What's happened up there? We just saw the President assassinated! DOCTOR: You see? Just after the President was killed, but just before the spheres arrived. Everything back to normal. Planet Earth restored. None of it happened. The rockets, the terror. It never was. MARTHA: What about the spheres? DOCTOR: Trapped at the end of the universe. FRANCINE: But I remember it. DOCTOR: We're at the eye of the storm. The only ones who'll ever know. (Sees Clive). Oh, hello! You must be Mr Jones! We haven't actually met. The Master makes a break for it but is stopped by Jack as he returns. JACK: Whoa, big fella! You don't want to miss the party. (To guard) : Cuffs. (Cuffs the Master's hands behind his back). So, what do we do with this one? CLIVE: We kill him. TISH: We execute him. DOCTOR: No, that's not the solution. FRANCINE (aims gun at the Master): Oh, I think so. 'Cause all those... things, they still happened because of him. I saw them. MASTER: Go on! Do it! DOCTOR: Francine, you're better than him. Reaches out and takes her hand. She drops the gun and he takes her in a hug. Martha then takes her. MASTER: You still haven't answered the question. What happens to me? DOCTOR: You're my responsibility from now on. The only Time Lord left in existence. JACK (goes to Doctor) : Yeah, but you can't trust him. DOCTOR: No. The only safe place for him is the TARDIS. MASTER: You mean you're just gonna... keep me? DOCTOR: Hmm. If that's what I have to do. (Looks to Jack.) It's time to change. Maybe I've been wandering for too long. Now I'll have someone to care for. A gunshot rings out and the Master staggers backwards. Lucy is holding the gun. Jack takes the gun from Lucy as the Doctor runs to the Master. JACK: Put it down. DOCTOR: There you go. I've got you. I've got you. Lowers him gently to the floor. MASTER: Always the women. DOCTOR: I didn't see her. MASTER: Dying in your arms. Happy now? DOCTOR: You're not dying, don't be stupid. It's only a bullet. Just regenerate. MASTER: No. DOCTOR: One little bullet. Come on. MASTER: I guess you don't know me so well. I refuse. DOCTOR (breaking): Regenerate. Just regenerate. Please! Please! Just regenerate! Come on! MASTER: And spend the rest of my life imprisoned with you? DOCTOR: You've got to. Come on. It can't end like this. You and me, all the things we've done. Axons? Remember the Axons? And the Daleks? We're the only two left, there's no one else. Regenerate! MASTER: How about that? I win. [i](Pause).[/i] Will it stop, Doctor? The drumming. Will it stop? Dies. The Doctor holds the Master close, rocking back and forth as he cries. He screams in despair and loss as the others simply look on. That night on Earth (?), the Doctor lights the Master's funeral pyre. He watches for a bit before walking away, no emotion on his face. Professor Alison Docherty is walking through a park when Martha runs up and gives her a bouquet of flowers. MARTHA: Just to say I don't blame you. Walks away. DOCHERTY: But who are you? Back in Cardiff, the Doctor, Martha and jack are standing at the rails by the Pierhead Building looked out over the bay. MARTHA: Time was, every single one of these people knew your name. Now they've all forgotten you. DOCTOR: Good. JACK: Back to work. DOCTOR: I really don't mind, though. Come with me. JACK: I had plenty of time to think that past year, the Year That Never Was. And I kept thinking about that team of mine. Like you said, Doctor, responsibility. DOCTOR: Defending the Earth. Can't argue with that. Makes to shake Jack's hand but exposes the manipulator. JACK: Hey, I need that! DOCTOR: I can't have you walking around with a time-travelling teleport. (Uses sonic screwdriver). You could go anywhere, twice. The second time to apologise. JACK: And what about me? Can you fix that? Will I ever be able to die? DOCTOR: Nothing I can do. You're an impossible thing, Jack. JACK (laughs) : Been called that before. (Starts to leave then turns back and salutes). Sir. Ma'am. (Turns to leave again and stops). But I keep wondering... what about aging? 'Cause I can't die but I keep getting older. The odd little grey hair, you know? What happens if I live for a million years? DOCTOR: I really don't know. JACK (chuckles) : Okay, vanity. Sorry. Yeah, can't help it. Used to be a poster boy when I was a kid back on the Boeshane Pennisula. Tiny little place. I was the first one ever to be signed up for the Time Agency. They were so proud of me. They Face of Boe they called me. (The Doctor and Martha are stunned). Hmm, I'll see you. Runs across the Plas towards the water tower. MARTHA: Can't be. DOCTOR: No, definitely not. No. (Martha laughs). No. Laughs. The Jones family is back home and together. The Doctor watches form outside as he leans against the TARDIS. Francine looks out at him before he goes inside. The TARDIS is back to normal. The canister containing his hand rests on the floor by the console. He reclines on the jump seat and puts his feet up on the console as he waits for Martha. MARTHA (walks out of house talking on her mobile): Yeah. Could you put me through? Hi, I'm looking for a Dr Thomas Milligan. TOM (at hospital A&E) : Yeah, hello. (Martha opens her mouth to speak but doesn't). Hello? Martha closes phone and smiles. In the hospital, Tom hangs up and walks away. Martha enters the TARDIS and the Doctor peers around the central column. DOCTOR: Right then! (Gets up). Off we go! The open road! There is a burst of starfire right now over the coast of Meta Sigmafolio. Oh, the sky is like oil on water. Fancy a look? Or... back in time. We could... I don't know, Charles II? Henry VIII? I know! What about Agatha Christie? I'd love to meet Agatha Christie! I bet she's brilliant! (Realises Martha isn't smiling and immediately sobers). Okay. MARTHA: I just can't. DOCTOR: Yeah. MARTHA: Spent all these years training to be a doctor. Now I've got people to look after. They saw half the planet slaughtered and they're devastated. I can't leave them. DOCTOR: Of course not. (Smiles). Thank you. (Hugs her). Martha Jones, you saved the world. MARTHA: Yes, I did. I spent a lot of time with you thinking I was second best. But you know what? I am good. You gonna be all right? DOCTOR: Always. Yeah. MARTHA: Right, then. (Kisses him on the cheek then walks out. She starts off then turns and goes back inside the TARDIS). 'Cause the thing is, it's like my friend Vicky, she lived with this bloke, student housing, there were five of them, all packed in, and this bloke was called Sean. And she loved him, she did. She completely adored him. Spent all day long talking about him. DOCTOR: Is this going anywhere? MARTHA: Yes! (The DOCTOR crosses his arms). 'Cause he never looked at her twice. I mean, he liked her, but that was it. And she wasted years pining after him, years of her life, 'cause while he was around, she never looked at anyone else. And I told her, I always said to her, time and time again, I said: Get out. So this is me, getting out. (Reaches into her pocket and tosses her mobile to him). Keep that. 'Cause I'm not having you disappear. If that rings, when that rings, you better come running. Got it? DOCTOR: Got it. MARTHA: I'll see you again, mister. Smiles and leaves. The Doctor starts up the TARDIS. The Master's pyre burns down. A well-manicured hand with red nail polish lifts the Master's ring from the ashes. A woman's evil laugh echoes. The Doctor is working a few of the controls when a ship's horn is heard and something crashes into the TARDIS throwing the Doctor to the floor. He looks up to see the bow of an ocean liner has broken through the wall. DOCTOR: What?! (Coughs). What?! (Finds a life preserver that reads "TITANIC"). What?! DOCTOR WHO will return at Christmas in "Voyage of the Damned".	Plan: A: One year later; Q: When does Martha return to England? A: Martha; Q: Who returns to England to look after her family? A: The Master; Q: Who is preparing a fleet of rockets to attack other worlds? A: Valiant; Q: What ship does the Master bring Martha on board? A: the Master's mind-control satellite technology; Q: What does Martha use against the Master? A: support; Q: What did Martha travel the world to gather for the Doctor? A: the captured and weakened Doctor; Q: Who does Martha gather support for? A: their combined thoughts; Q: What is able to rejuvenate the Doctor? A: the network; Q: Where do the Doctor's thoughts travel through to rejuvenate him? A: Jack; Q: Who destroys the paradox machine that brought the Toclafane to the 21st century? A: humanity; Q: Who are the Toclafane the descendants of? A: the 21st century; Q: Where did the Toclafane go when they were regressed to a childlike form? A: Lucy Saxon; Q: Who kills the Master? A: the Master's wife; Q: Who is Lucy Saxon? A: shoots; Q: How does Lucy Saxon kill the Master? A: The Doctor; Q: Who cremates the Master's body? A: the Torchwood Institute in Cardiff; Q: Where does Jack decide to return to after the death of the Master? Summary: One year later, Martha returns to England. The Master is readying a fleet of rockets to attack other worlds. Tricking the Master into bringing her on board the Valiant, Martha turns the Master's mind-control satellite technology against him; having travelled the world to gather support for the captured and weakened Doctor, she has instructed them to think of the Doctor just as the Master intends to launch his fleet, so that their combined thoughts, travelling through the network, are able to rejuvenate him. Jack destroys the paradox machine that originally brought the Toclafane-the descendants of humanity regressed to a childlike form-to the 21st century. This undoes the events of the previous year. Lucy Saxon, the Master's wife, shoots and kills the Master. The Doctor cremates his body. Jack decides to return to the Torchwood Institute in Cardiff, and Martha stays behind to look after her family.
Scene: The apartment. Leonard enters, drops his keys in the bowl by the door, then collapses onto the settee. Sheldon enters from the bedroom area. Sheldon: Good morning, Leonard. Leonard: Uh-huh. Sheldon: Yeah, we're going to have to stop by Pottery Barn on the way to work, I bought these Star Wars sheets but they turned out to be much too stimulating to be compatible with a good night's sleep. I don't like the way Darth Vader stares at me. Leonard: I'm not going to work. Sheldon: Oh, just because your career's been stagnant for a few years, that's no reason to give up. Leonard: Sheldon, I was up all night using the new free-electron laser for my X-ray diffraction experiment. Sheldon: Did the laser accidentally burn out your retinas? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Then you can drive. Let's go. Leonard: Didn't I tell you I'd be working nights, and that you'd have to make other arrangements. Sheldon: You did. Leonard: And? Sheldon: I didn't. Let's go. Leonard: Goodnight, Sheldon. Sheldon: But how am I going to get to work? Leonard: Take the bus. Sheldon: I can't take the bus any more. They don't have seatbelts. And they won't let you lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords. Leonard: You tried to lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords? Sheldon: I didn't try, I succeeded. For some reason it alarmed the other passengers and I was asked to de-bus. Leonard: Oh, you're a big boy, you'll figure it out. Sheldon: Don't talk to me like I'm a child. Now, take me to return my star wars sheets! Scene: Outside Penny's apartment. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny... Penny (opening door): Sheldon, what is it? Sheldon: Leonard's asleep. Penny: Thanks for the update (begins to close door.) Sheldon: No, wait. You have to drive me to work. Penny: Yeah, uh, I really don't think I do. Sheldon: But I don't drive, and I can't take the bus. Penny: Yeah, honey, you'll be fine as long as you don't do that bungee cord thing, okay? Sheldon: Penny. Didn't you recently state that you and I are friends? Penny: Yes, Sheldon, we are friends. Sheldon: Then I hereby invoke what I'm given to understand is an integral part of the implied covenant of friendship. The favour. Penny: Oh, dear God. Sheldon: I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was interrupting your morning prayers. When you're done, we'll go. Credits sequence. Scene: Inside Penny's car. Sheldon: Thank you for driving me to work. Penny: You know this is my day off, Sheldon. Sheldon: Oh, good. I'm not keeping you from anything. Your check engine light is on. Penny: Mm-hmm. Sheldon: Typically that's an indicator. To, you know, check your engine. Penny: It's fine, it's been on for, like, a month. Sheldon: Well, actually, that would be all the more reason to, you know, check your engine. Penny: Sheldon, it's fine. Sheldon: If it were fine, the light wouldn't be on. That's why the manufacturer installed that light, to let you know it's not fine. Penny: Uh, maybe the light's broken. Sheldon: Is there a "check the check engine light light"? (Penny takes a drink of coffee) O-o-o-oh! Penny: What? Sheldon: Studies have shown that performing tasks such as eating, talking on a cell phone or drinking coffee while driving reduces one's reaction time by the same factor as an ounce of alcohol. Penny: Do you have any alcohol? Sheldon: Of course not. Penny: Too bad. Sheldon: You're going up Euclid Avenue? Penny: Mm-hmm. Sheldon: Leonard takes Los Robles Avenue. Penny: Well, good for Leonard. Sheldon: Euclid Avenue is shorter as the crow flies, but it has speed bumps, which appreciably increase point-to-point drive time, making it the less efficient choice. But you have the conn. Of course, if you're not going to slow down for the speed bumps, I withdraw my previous objection. Here's a fun question. Do you know what the most common street name is? Penny: No. Sheldon: The answer's tricky. It's Second Street. You see, you'd think it would be First Street, but in most towns, First Street eventually gets renamed to something else, you know, like Main Street, Broad Street, Michigan Avenue. Leonard and I often use our commute time to exercise our minds with brain-teasers like that. We also play games. Would you like to play one? Penny: No. Sheldon: Oh, come on, it's fun. Ooh! Another bump. Okay. I'll say an element, and uh, you say an element whose name starts with the last letter of the one I said, okay? I'll start. Helium. Now, you could say Mercury. That would give me a Y. Ooh. Very clever, that's a tough one. So I go Ytterbium, which gets you back to M. So you go Molybdenum, and I say Magnesium, you say Manganese, and I say Europium, and, and you're left with Mendelevium, and there are no more M's because I believe that Meitnerium should still be called Ekairidium, so congratulations, you win. Do you wanna go again? Penny: How about we just have a little quiet time now? Sheldon: All right. Hmm, huh, I'm sorry, I'm finding your reckless nonchalance regarding the check-engine light to be very troubling. Penny (Pulling over): Get out. Sheldon: Well, I have to tell you that while I do have a theoretical understanding of the workings of an internal combustion engine, I'm not sure I'm capable of performing diagnostics. Penny: I said, get out. Sheldon: Okay. I'll give it a shot. (Gets out. Penny drives away.) Scene: The university cafeteria. Sheldon enters. Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, there you are, I'm ready to go home. Leonard: I just got here. Sheldon: Good, perfect timing. Leonard: Sheldon, I told you, I only have access to the free-electron laser at night. I can't drive you for the next few weeks. Sheldon: No, you said you couldn't drive me to work, this is from work. Leonard: Howard, help me out here. Howard: No, just for the fun of it, I'm gonna take his side. Sheldon: Now, how do you propose I get home? Leonard: How did you get here in the first place? Sheldon: Penny. But I sense that's no longer an option. Leonard: Look, I need to get to the laser lab, you're just going to have to find someone else to take you home. Howard: Oh damn, I picked the wrong side. Scene: Howard's motor scooter. Howard is driving, Sheldon is on the back clutching him for dear life and screaming. Sheldon: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Oh God, not Euclid Avenue! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Scene: Raj's car. Raj: Why did Howard leave you in the middle of the road anyway? Sheldon: We had a difference of opinion. Raj: Over what? Sheldon: Whether or not he was trying to kill me. For the record, I maintain he was. Where are you going? Raj: I'm taking you home. Sheldon: Oh, but I'm not going home. It's Wednesday, Wednesday is new comic book day, we have to go to the comic book store. And then we have to stop at Soup Plantation, it's creamy tomato soup day, and Radio Shack, there's a sale on triple-a batteries. Plus, we have to go to Pottery Barn and return my Star Wars sheets. Raj: I have a better idea. Sheldon: You want to go to pottery barn first? Scene: Penny's apartment, she opens the door, Sheldon is stood outside with his Star Wars sheets. Sheldon: Can you drive me to Pottery Barn? (She closes the door) Maybe if I turn off the night-light, I can keep the sheets. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon enters from the bedroom area. Everyone else is present. Sheldon: Good morning. All: Good morning. Leonard: Sheldon, sit down. Sheldon: She's in my spot. Don't look at me like that, everybody knows that my spot. Penny: Sheldon, you know that we care about you. Howard: And it's because we care about you that we've decided we have to speak up. Penny: You're hurting the people around you, sweetie. Leonard: So we made you an appointment, and we want you to keep it. Sheldon: Department of motor vehicles new driver handbook? But I don't have a problem. Leonard: Sheldon, you need to learn how to drive. Howard: This madness has to stop. Leonard: Penny's taking you to the DMV, I'm going to bed. Sheldon: Why Penny? Leonard: Because rock breaks scissors, goodnight. Penny: All right, come on Sheldon. Sheldon: Hold on, I have one condition. Penny: What? Sheldon: We have to stop at Pottery Barn. Penny: Okay. Sheldon: And Radio Shack. Penny: Fine. Sheldon: And the comic book store. Penny: All right! (They leave.) Howard: Ooh, I want to go to the comic book store. (He leaves.) Raj: I like comic books. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The DMV. Sheldon: I just don't see why I need a driver's license, Albert Einstein never had a driver's license. Howard: Yeah, but Albert Einstein didn't make me wet myself at 40 miles an hour. Penny: Yeah, and I never wanted to kick Albert Einstein in the nuts. You know, I gotta ask, why didn't you just get a license at 16 like everybody else? Sheldon: I was otherwise engaged. Penny: Doing what? Sheldon: Examining perturbative amplitudes in n=4 supersymmetric theories leading to a re-examination of the ultraviolet properties of multi-loop n=8 supergravity using modern twistor theory. Penny: Well, how 'bout when you were 17? DMV Lady (to the person ahead of Sheldon in the queue): Take this to the testing area, put your name at the top, sign the bottom, answer the questions, bring it back, next! (Sheldon moves forward) Application? Sheldon: I'm actually more of a theorist. Howard: The application in your hand, give it to her. Sheldon: Oh. DMV Lady: Take this to the testing area, put your name at the top, sign the bottom, answer the questions, bring it back, next! Sheldon: Excuse me, but I have some concerns about these questions. DMV Lady: Look at that sign up there. Sheldon: Yes? DMV Lady: Does it say I give a damn? Sheldon: No. DMV Lady: That's because I don't. Sheldon: Just, look, see, this first question makes no sense, how many car lengths should you leave in front of you when driving? There's no possible way to answer that, a car length is not a standardized unit of measure. DMV Lady: Look at the sign. Penny: Sheldon, it's C, just put down C. Sheldon: I don't need your help, Penny. DMV Lady: Listen to that little girl, honey, put C. Next! Sheldon: No, no, wait, no, hang on, look at this next question. Howard: Sheldon, why are you arguing with the DMV? Sheldon: How else are they going to learn? Look, question 2, when are roadways most slippery? Now, okay, there are three answers, none of which are correct. The correct answer is, when covered by a film of liquid sufficient to reduce the coefficient of static friction between the tire and the road to essentially zero, but not so deep as to introduce a new source of friction. DMV Lady: Here's your learner's permit. Go away. Sheldon: But I'm not done. I have many additional concerns about these questions. DMV Lady: Don't make me climb over this counter. Penny: Come on, let's go. DMV Lady: Next! Sheldon: Aced it. Scene: The apartment. Howard is setting up a large kit of high tech equipment. Howard: Okay, that's it, let's boot it up. Leonard: Booting. Howard: This is a state-of-the-art simulator. I adapted it from something a friend of mine designed for the army. Sheldon: Is that why I appear to be in downtown Fallujah, behind the wheel of an up-armored Humvee? Howard: I haven't configured it yet. Let's see... Bradley tank... transport truck... Batmobile... Sheldon: Ooh! Leonard: No. Howard: Here we go, red 2006 Ford Taurus on the streets of Pasadena. Sheldon (sucking in breath): Hmmmm? Howard: What? Sheldon: Statistically, red cars are stopped by police far more often than any other colour. I don't want any hassles with the fuzz. Howard: Fine, what colour do you want? Sheldon: You know the pale blue of Luke Skywalker's lightsaber, before it was digitally remastered? Howard: Black it is. Leonard: Okay, now, what you want to do first is turn on the ignition and shift into drive. Sheldon: I haven't fastened my seat belt yet. Leonard: Okay, fasten your seat belt. Sheldon: Click. Now, are there air bags? Leonard: You don't need air bags. Sheldon: What if a simulated van rear-ends me? Penny: I'll hit you in the face with a pillow. Leonard: Okay, now shift into drive, pull out slowly into traffic. (General panic) Penny: Oh. Leonard: Oh. Howard: Oh. Leonard: Watch out. Howard: Oh God! Leonard: Watch, watch out, watch out for pedestrians! Penny: Oh God, wait, slow, hit the brakes, hit the brakes! (Sounds of car crashing. Penny hits Sheldon in face with pillow.) Sheldon: Thank you. Scene: The same, only Sheldon and Leonard are present. Sheldon is practicing. There are sounds of squealing tyres and brakes and general panic and mayhem. Sheldon: Sorry... excuse me... my bad... student driver... Leonard: How did you manage to get on the second floor of the Glendale galleria? Sheldon: I don't know. I was on the Pasadena freeway, I missed my exit, flew off the overpass, and one thing led to another. Leonard: Maybe you want to give it a rest and try again tomorrow. Sheldon: No. I quit. (Stands up. There is more sound of crashing and panic, then animal noises.) Leonard: Aw, the pet store? Sheldon: Remind me to compliment Wolowitz on the software, it's amazingly detailed. Leonard: So wait,you're just gonna give up? Sheldon: No, I'm not giving up, I never give up. Leonard: So what is it you're doing? Sheldon: I'm transcending the situation. I'm clearly too evolved for driving. Leonard: What does that mean? Sheldon: Leonard, have you ever wondered why my little toes and lateral incisors are significantly smaller than the average for someone of my size? Leonard: I wonder a lot of things about you, Sheldon, but not... not that. Sheldon: Well, those are indicators that I'm farther along the evolutionary scale than the average human. Leonard: No kidding. Sheldon: Well, no, no, I'm not going to go so far as to say that I represent a distinct new stage in humankind, you know, a Homo Novus, if you will, no, that's for anthropologists to decide. But I am convinced that the reason I cannot master the plebeian task of driving is because I'm not meant to. Leonard: Yes, you are, you're meant to learn how to drive. Please learn how to drive! Sheldon: No, no. Leonard, I'm meant for greater things, like unraveling the mysteries of the universe, not determining when it's safe to pass a stopped school bus on a country road. Leonard: It's never safe. Sheldon: Yeah, well, I know that now. Leonard: Fine. Assuming that everything you say is true, how does the biologically superior Homo Novus get to work tomorrow morning? Sheldon: Homo Novus doesn't know. Leonard: Well, hang in there, maybe you'll evolve into something with wings. Scene: A corridor in the university. Sheldon emerges from his office in a shower cap and bathrobe. The others are turning the corner. Sheldon: Good morning, gentlemen. Leonard: Hey. Raj: Good morning. Is there some new kind of casual Friday I don't know about? Leonard: No, he lives here now. Howard: Really? Why? Leonard: Well, since he won't take the bus and he's too evolved to drive, he decided it would be easier to just sleep in his office and shower in the radiation lab until I'm finished with my experiment. Raj: But you finished your experiment a week ago. Leonard: Yep Scene: The cafeteria, late at night. Two cleaning ladies enter and find a plate with toast crusts. Cleaning Lady 1 (in Spanish, subtitles): Oh my God, again? Cleaning Lady 2: It must be rats. Cleaning Lady 1: Rats don't make toast and cut off the crust. (They are startled by a noise. One of them drops the plate, it smashes on the floor. Sheldon is by the drink machine, he is wearing a cloak with a hood) Sheldon: You saw nothing! (Sweeps hood around himself and vanishes through cafeteria door.)	Plan: A: several days; Q: How long does Leonard work on his experiment? A: Leonard; Q: Who is working on an experiment involving a free-electron laser? A: Sheldon; Q: Who claims to be 'Homo novus automobilis' and therefore too highly evolved to learn to drive? A: Penny; Q: Who was the first person to eject Sheldon from a car for being annoying? A: the vehicle; Q: What does Sheldon ask Penny, Howard and Raj to drive him to the university, but each in turn ejects him from? A: a driver's license; Q: What did the group tell Sheldon to get? A: the DMV results; Q: What did the group go to to get Sheldon's learner's permit? A: his learner's permit; Q: What did Sheldon get after a trip to the DMV? A: a driving simulator; Q: What does the group set up for Sheldon after he gets his learner's permit? A: the living room; Q: Where is the driving simulator set up for Sheldon? A: an appalling driver; Q: What does Sheldon turn out to be? A: his university office; Q: Where does Sheldon live to avoid having to commute? A: his experiment; Q: What did Leonard finish a week earlier than he stated? A: a week earlier; Q: How much earlier did Leonard finish his experiment than he said he did? Summary: For several days Leonard works on an experiment involving a free-electron laser which is only available at night, so he cannot drive Sheldon to the university as usual. In succession, Sheldon asks Penny, Howard and Raj to drive him, but each in turn ejects him from the vehicle for being annoying. The group finally stage an "intervention" and tell Sheldon to get a driver's license and learn to drive. After a trip to the DMV results in Sheldon getting his learner's permit, the group sets up a driving simulator for him in the living room. However, Sheldon turns out to be an appalling driver, claiming to be 'Homo novus automobilis' and therefore too highly evolved to learn to drive, so he decides to live in his university office to avoid having to commute. Leonard finally reveals he actually finished his experiment a week earlier than he stated, to avoid having to drive Sheldon to work.
Mikayla: (Shivering) So cold... And I'm about to blow curfew. Dylan: There's no name for this loft. Mikayla: I'm hungry... And I have to pee. (Dialing beeps) Okay, my mom's probably worrying by now. (Busy signal beeps) Mikayla: (Sighs) Great! Okay. Come on, let's go. Dylan: No, Mikayla, we have to sit on this place. See who's coming and going. Mikayla: Curfew, Dylan! Dylan: I don't have a curfew. Mikayla: Neither does Wes. Did you try calling Wes? Maybe he wants to do a stakeout. Dylan: No, Mikayla, Wes isn't gonna wanna do that. Mikayla: You know what? I'm sorry, but I... I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow! I'm sorry. (Taxi purrs to a stop) (Door opens and bangs shut) (Taxi rumbles away) (Camera shutter clicks) (Car honks, dance music blares) Driver: Shame to hide that face under a Hood! Dylan: That line actually work on anyone, Teddy?! Teddy: Worked on you. Rayna: Oh, Dylan! Oh my God! I haven't seen you since I went to rehab! Yeah, how'd that work out for you, Rayna? Rayna: A-mazing! (Car honks) You must get in this car. Teddy: She's right. Get in, let's go. Can't do it... Court orders. Since when do you follow the rules? (Car horn blasts) All right! God! Well, have fun without us, Dylan... If that's even possible! (Laughs) (Engine roars) [SCENE_BREAK] (Heartbeat pulses) (Low hum of chatter) Seth: You have to call. Donnie: Absolutely not. Seth: Are you crazy? Call them. If you don't, I will! London: Seth?! What're you doing here? Seth: Um... um, looking for you! Yeah, just wanted to make sure we're still on for tonight. (Light kiss) London: Uh... (Giggles) Of course! Um... do you two know each other? Seth: Nope. We don't. Donnie: Never seen this cat before in my life! (Light knock) Dr. K: Everything under control here, Dr. Blake? London: Uh... Seth: I'll... see you later. London: Wait! Seth! Dr. K: I gotta go be in this photo thing. London: Oh... yeah, ev-everything's fine. I guess. (Sighs heavily) (Low hum of chatter) Got your favourite. Two sugars, right? Wes: I'm already coffeed up. Dylan: Sure you can't use another? So I think I found my dad's hiding place, but there's a problem... solo stakeouts aren't really a thing. Do you know a volunteer without a curfew who can help? Wes: I doubt it. Dylan: Come on, it'll be fun. We can play good-cop, cute-cop. I'm sure you can figure out who the cute-cop is. Wes, come on. Please, stop freezing me out. Hud took me to a place that my dad drew and that's it. Really? And nothing else happened? Of course not. Wes: You know it sucks, right? Liking someone who doesn't like you back. (Sighs) He hates me. He doesn't hate you. He's just hurt. And I'm the reason. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Can you just please come with me and stake out the loft tonight? I can't tonight... Because of Jared. He's making you work a double? No... we're hanging out. Good Lord. (Sighs heavily) So I have no one. Well, that's not true. Uh... Wes will come around. (Chairs scrape noisily) Jared: Easy. We gotta get this picture shot and off to the printer ASAP so we can start promoting the blood drive. We have to beat last year's record. Who cares? Things went south with Dylan, huh? So weird how you blew it with a girl and I didn't. Do you like apples? Wes: I'm gonna... choke you if you don't stop talking. Jared: (Amused) Oh yeah? (Low hum of chatter) Ah yes, all the hospital's finest. All right, everyone up here. Uh... Uh, Dr. and Mrs. Blake, stand right there. Dr. and Mrs. Blake: Okay. Jared: Uh, Dr. Hudson, here. Hud: Oh, I see what he's doing. He's putting all the good looking people together. Helena: (Flattered) Oh, stop. Wes: Actually, Dr. Hudson, if you can do me a favour and move a little bit to the left... Uh, my left, your right. More... That-well, yeah... that's... Jared: (Quietly) He's not even in the frame! Wes: Yeah, that's perfect. Mrs. Blake: (Clears her throat) Edward: Can we take this picture, boys? Wes: Yeah. Two seconds, Sir. Jared: (Clears his throat) Just trying to keep Dr. Feel'em'up here away from the Blake women. As soon as he stops harassing your wife, I'll go ahead and snap the pic. Edward: Aren't you the young man who swam in my pool in his underwear? Wes: (Chuckles) Sir, when you say it like that, it makes it sound like there's something going on between us. I might have to bring you up on harassment charges. Edward: Mr. Malik, when we're done here, a word up in my office. Jared: Uh... y-yes, of course, Sir. Big smile. (Camera shutter clicks) (Car honks, mariachi music plays) Seth: Hey! Uh, so there's two under park-are you...? Okay. London: (Chuckles) Seth: Wow. You look... just hideous. Like really disgusting. London: Thanks, you too. So gross. (Laughs) Mexican, huh? Seth: Yeah, I love fish tacos. You have no idea how many I can pack away. It might scare you off. London: I... I doubt anything could. (Mariachi music plays) It's kinda busy. Seth: Yeah, I can't even get this hostess to talk to me. Hey! Um, so... So what is the wait time on... you seriously can't see... I'm right here. London: So... Donnie. I mean, you guys know each other? Seth: Uh... who? London: My patient with the broken femur. The one you yelled at, then pretended not to know when I walked in? Yeah, uh, Donnie. Um, yeah, he's my step-cousin. London: What? He's been my patient for days! Why would you not tell me that? Seth: Can we not talk about it? London: We can't not talk about it. He's your family. Seth: And I hate talking about them. London: But you know everything about my family and... And you've never mentioned yours, and now one of them is my patient! Seth: So what do we need to do to get a table here? Hey! Do I need to text your iPad or... Okay, this is ridiculous. London: Yeah, it is ridiculous. Why won't you tell me about your cousin? Seth: Step-cousin. Step-cousin. Do you wanna go somewhere quiet and talk? Seth: You know, I'm not feeling that great. Let's just take a rain check. London: Wait, wait, you're leaving? Seth: Uh, I'm sorry, London. (Engine hums) (Phone buzzes) Dylan: Shouldn't you be harassing people on street corners? Teddy: How do you know I'm not? Come on, you should be happy I took a minute to talk to you. Actually, I am. It's been a super-dupe day. Teddy: Yeah, for real. I'm bored off my ass right now. Got me thinking about the good old days though. Thinking about you and me. (Traffic rumbles, crickets chirp) Dylan: Hey, does your dad's alarm company handle the security for uh... metal factory lofts? Teddy: Uh... I dunno, maybe. I can check. Isn't that where I saw you last night? Dylan: Maybe. Teddy: Oh, ho! You smell that? Dylan: What? Teddy: It smells like... A Dylan Blake/Teddy Ralston reunion tour to me! Dylan: Uh, no. Teddy: Hey, look, the codes are yours... Just as long as me and the rest of the crew can tag along. Dylan: I don't know, Teddy... Well, then I don't know if I can give you the codes. Dylan: (Sighs) (Door opens and closes) Teddy: D? Dylan: Never mind. Hey! Stop! Hey, I'm talking to you. Where's my dad? Are you two having an affair?! Is he staying with you in loft 202? Answer me! Go home, Dylan! You can't be here! (Raps seat) Go! Dylan: How do you know me?! (Cab rumbles away) (Panting) (Door bursts open) Dylan: We need to talk. Goodis: You need to knock. Dylan: No time. I caught a break. Goodis: Dylan, I'm working a huge case here. Dead psychiatrist found in an abandoned hospital wing. Maybe you remember it? Dylan: Yeah, and I've been working my own angle. I found the blonde woman from the security tape. Goodis: How? Dylan: In my dad's watch, there was a message for me, and on the back, it was the dead psychiatrist's phone number. I dug around in some old hospital records and found out that Dr. Yan was treating my dad for schizophrenia. Which I'm guessing you already knew. Goodis: It wasn't my place to tell you. But now you know why I didn't wanna close the case. Dylan: My dad was always paranoid that something bad was gonna happen, a symptom of his illness. He used to tell me to always have a place to hide. He drew this over and over again and I found out where it is. This view matches up with a second story loft in a building across the street. And last night I saw the blonde woman in the leopard print coat exit that same building. She called me by my name before she took off. Goodis: It's not enough to reopen the case. But you believe me, right? You can look into the loft. I can't just kick the door down. All right, unofficially... If you figure anything else out, let me know. Dylan: Thank you. Goodis: Huh. [SCENE_BREAK] (Door opens) (Nervous exhale, phone rings nearby) Jared: (Sighs heavily) Wes: What happened? Dude! Jared: I tried. I really did. But you only get called up to Edward Blake's office for bad news. You're gone. (Phone rings in the hall) Wes: They fired me? Jared: It's a volunteer position, they can't really "fire" you. But you aren't allowed to be here anymore. Wes: No. No, no, no, no, no. I nee-I need, I need this gig. This is supposed to get me scholarships, reference letters. You know I'll write you one. Not from you, moron! (Exhales sharply) How do I fix this? You could fall on your sword. A sincere apology is your only hope. And don't make any jokes. Page over hospital PA: Dr. Card, OR 2. Dr. Card, OR 2. Donnie: Go fish. London: Oh! What-what's happening here? Donnie: Somebody called my family. Everybody out! Go! London: (Awkwardly) H-hi. Hi. Uh, Wa... was that somebody your step-cousin Seth? Donnie: He told you? Of course, it was Sethy! Guy's a sweetheart, honestly, but what a thick-nog, you know? London: You and Seth don't seem... Related. Donnie: Well... Seth's mom married my Uncle when he was about thirteen. I always looked up to him. Brainy. Like you. So tell me, Doc, what are the results? London: You have a staph infection. Look, I really gotta get outta here. Well, if I discharge you and you have an issue, you could lose your leg. Donnie: I don't think you understand, okay? I can't be here anymore. London: Why? Scarlet: Dr. Blake? A word? Now. Right... right now. You see the cute guy with his collar popped? The one with the goatee? London: Mm-hmm. Scarlet: That's Iggy Mara. I dated him for two weeks last year. Two weeks before I realized... This was his family. What, Donnie's a Mara?! And that means he's in the mob. London: And that means... Seth is, too. Scarlet: What?! Who was talking about Seth? (Sighs heavily) Dylan: All right, look, you and the guys can tag along. Just gotta make sure I don't get caught breaking probation. Teddy: You wanna tell me why you want in this loft so bad? Dylan: Since when does why we're breaking into a place matter? At least we'll be together, right? Teddy: Good point. All right, I'll pick you up when you're done being a goody-good, finger painting whatever... (phone thuds) Richard: So Agent Sheppard hadn't... He hadn't been to Kiev. Like, I mean, he had seen it, right? He'd seen it. But only in... like, just in uh... just in, in pictures or a... on travel sites. That's-that's it. My contact is late. My contact is late. Dylan: Well, I'm in! Richard: (Laughs) Dylan: That's for your novel, right? Richard: Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah. (Dylan's phone buzzes) Richard: Can I see this for... Dylan: Uh, hey, dad! Richard: No, just I wanna see, okay? I just wanna see who is so enthralling that my daughter cannot detach herself from this phone. Teddy. Teddy: "Wassup, yo?" He sounds like an idiot. Dylan: Well, he's not. Richard: He's not? Is this a boyfriend? Dylan: No, no, we just met! He's in my math class. Can I have my phone back, please? Richard: I'm sorr... look, I-I-I just... I just wanna make sure you surround yourself with good people, okay? Not people who are gonna lead you down a dark path. Dylan: I'm not one of your characters, remember? Richard: No. Dylan: Besides, nobody leads me anywhere I don't wanna go. Richard: I'm counting on that. You are not supposed to be talking to those people. Dylan: I can't stop them from calling my phone. (Phone rings nearby, people chatter) What happens to you and Dr. K when dad comes back? Jane: I want him to come back, I really do. I want that for you. I want it for the family. People grow apart sometimes. Dylan: You'll get a divorce? Jane: I don't know. I guess. I love Dominic. I know that's hard to hear. I... Dylan. Dylan! (Gasps, exhales sharply) (Elevator dings, doors rumble open) Wes: Excuse me, um, (Clears throat) Dr. Blake. Ten, please. Was Jared not clear about my instructions? Yeah. If only I could explain. Edward: You made inappropriate remarks in front of important people. Yes, and I-I sincerely apologize for that. If-if you allow me to keep my volunteer position, I won't ever talk again. (Elevator dings) (Doors rumble open) You and my Dylan... Are friends? Wes: Uh, yes, Sir, we are. Edward: Dr. Hudson? Wes: No, we are not friends. Ah. I recognize teenage drama when I see it. Whomever it's about, it doesn't matter, you can't speak to people like that. All right, but having Open Heart Memorial on my resume is very important to me. I-I've wanted to be a doctor ever since I was a kid. Edward: And Med School is a long way off. So what's the real answer? Why do you wanna be here right now? Wes: I lost my parents when I was five years old. Now, being here, helping people, makes me feel like I am doing something useful, and that I could stop someone else from feeling the way that I felt when my parents died. You know, if being a doctor is your calling, you will need to make better choices going forward. Wes: Going forward? (Elevator dings) Doe1s that mean... ? Edward: You have a second chance, Mr. Silver. Boys let others goad them into talking before thinking. Men get their brains ahead of their mouths. Thank you for the second chance. Value it. I don't give third chances. (Exhales, relieved) London: Fish tacos. I-I got as many as would fit in the container. That's sweet. Thanks. London: Why didn't you tell me your family is... who they are? Seth: A bunch of thugs? London: They seem nice. Yeah, the maras are not nice. Well, they have nice jackets. Seth: Yeah, ones that fell off the back of a truck. Truth is, I'm ashamed of them. Really? I could hardly tell. Seth: So you wanna break up? London: Of course not. If anyone understands family drama, it's me. Seth: Family drama? Is your Uncle in jail for bribing a judge? London: No... but your family is not you. Seth: I'm sorry I ruined our date. You know, having them here, in my space, it's... it's making me crazy. London: Okay, well, how can I help? Seth: Discharge Donnie. London: What? He has a bacterial infection! Seth: It's dangerous for him to be here. London: Come on! Seth: How did Donnie say he broke his leg? London: He tripped. Seth: Onto a hammer? You think someone broke his leg on purpose? The lockdown the other day... someone said they spotted a guy with a gun. This is shortly after a member of my notoriously crappy family is admitted here with a mysterious injury. What do you think that's about? London: Yeah, well, that stuff only happens in movies. Seth: This is real life. My real life. Look, discharge Donnie. If he goes, the maras go with him. Please? (Low hum of chatter) Man, I hate fighting with you. Both: (Chuckle) Me too. I kissed Hud on the cheek. As a thank you for helping, mostly. Huh. (Clear throat) Okay. He wasn't happy about it, if that makes you feel any better. No, no, it-it doesn't. I don't get it, he's so old. He's not that old, but point taken. Look, it's nothing. I don't... I don't even know why I did it. It's just... over. Can we please be cool again? Well, I guess he is, you know, kinda handsome. Like an old handsome... Stop. Why were you crying? Um... Every morning, when I wake up I expect to hear my dad banging around the kitchen, and making breakfast. And for a tiny second, before I'm fully awake, I forget. And then, I remember... Every morning. Until I find him, nothing's gonna be right. I'm never gonna be right. Then I guess we should find him. Okay? And we'll... we'll stake out that loft. Good-cop, cute-cop, remember? Thanks, but staking out the loft isn't gonna work. I have to break in. London: Hey, Donnie! Donnie! Just so you know, I've discharged you against my better judgment. My professional recommendation is for you to remain in-hospital. Donnie: Not a good idea. London: Yeah, I know. Donnie: You know what? You're a good match for Sethy. I can see it. London: Okay. Well, take all of these. If the infection spreads, get back here immediately. Donnie: Will do. Thanks. It's nice to have a doctor in the family. (Doors rumble shut) Mikayla: You could go to jail. Hanging out with Teddy and Rayna violates your probation. Not to mention the whole breaking and entering part. Wes: You said Goodis was on it. Dylan: His hands are tied until I can get proof that my dad's connected to that place. Mikayla: I seriously doubt a Detective wants you to commit a crime. Wes: Yeah, Goodis has a serious problem if he's encouraging you to do this. Dylan: He's not encouraging me, okay? I saw the blonde woman coming out of that building. Teddy has the entry codes. All we gotta do is walk through the door. Wes: Then we're coming with you. Mikayla: We are? Dylan: No, you're not. Mikayla: What if you get caught, Dylan? (Car rumbles to a stop) Dylan: I don't plan on getting caught. I'll see you guys tomorrow.	Plan: A: Dylan; Q: Who investigates her father's loft? A: London; Q: What prompts Seth to open up about his family? A: Wes; Q: Who is Edward's brother? Summary: Dylan investigates what she suspects is her father's loft. Meanwhile, London prompts Seth to open up about his family, and tension rises between Wes and Edward.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Derek: You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. Stiles: That was Derek Hale. His family... they all burned to death in a fire, like, ten years ago. Lydia: Is this is your house? Peter: Was. Scott: Who are they? Derek: Hunters... the kind who've been hunting us for centuries. Gerard: We kill them all. Derek: It's our sign for a vendetta, for revenge. Deucalion: Someone is going to die tonight. Derek: No. Everyone around me gets hurt. Unknown Werewolf: You're a Hale, aren't you? Hunter: Is this the one? Chris: Killed two of ours. Find the others. Bring them back alive. Alive. We go by the code. Cora: They were there for two days, waiting, hiding. That's what we're taught to do when the hunters find us... hide and heal. Stiles: Okay, so is two days standard, then, or are we thinking Derek's on, like, some extended getaway? Cora: Why do you care? Stiles: Why do I care? Let's see... because over the last few weeks, my best friend's tried to kill himself. His boss nearly got ritually sacrificed. A girl that I've known since I was three was ritually sacrificed. Boyd was killed by alphas. I... do you want me to keep going? 'Cause I can, all right? For, like, an hour. Cora: You think Derek can do anything about that? Stiles: Well, since he's the one everyone seems to be after, it's more like he should do something about it, yeah. Cora: I don't know. There's something different about him now. He wasn't like this when we knew him. Stiles: What was he like? Peter: A lot like Scott, actually. A lot like most teenagers... unbearably romantic, profoundly narcissistic, tolerable really only to other teenagers. Stiles: And so what happened? What changed him? Peter: Well, the same thing that changes a lot of young men... A girl. Stiles: You're telling me some girl broke his little heart? That's why Derek is the way he is? Peter: Do you remember Derek before he was an Alpha had blue eyes? Do you know why some wolves have blue eyes? Stiles: I just always thought it was, like, a genetic thing. Peter: If you want to know what changed Derek, you need to know what changed the color of his eyes. Gerard: Mm. Did you bring him? Oh. Oh, come in, Scott, and give an old man a little something for his pain. Allison: You don't have to do this. Gerard: If you want me to talk, this is how it's going to happen. Scott: If I do this, you have to tell us everything you know. Gerard: Everything. Ah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Guy: What are you gonna do? Paige: Hey, do you guys mind? I'm trying to practice. Young Derek: How do you know we're not trying to practice here too? Paige: Yeah, well, see, I was practicing in the music room, and I'm pretty sure basketball practice takes place in the gym. Young Derek: Well, I'm pretty sure basketball practice takes place anywhere you got a basketball. See? Wait. Hold on. Hold on. If you can get the ball from me... maybe I'll stop. Come on. It'll be easy. Oops. Guys : Come on lover boy Young Derek: Sorry about that. Paige: Whatever. Young Derek: Hey, what's your name? Paige: I'm trying to practice, if you didn't notice. Young Derek: Okay. I'll just leave you alone, then... after you tell me your name. Paige: All right, I'll tell you my name if you can play one instrument in this room. Young Derek: One? Paige: Just one. Young Derek: Any of 'em? Paige: My name's Paige. Now please go, so I can practice. Young Derek: My name's... Paige: I know who you are. Gerard: They found a third body? Allison: Another doctor, right after Scott found Deaton. Gerard: Right after? Almost like it was expected he'd survive. Scott: What's that supposed to mean? Gerard: How do you know your dark druid isn't your wise veterinarian himself? Maybe he knew you'd find him. Maybe he planned it that way. Scott: He would never let anyone innocent die. Gerard: Don't be so sure. You'd be surprised how far some people would go to get rid of someone like Deucalion. Scott: Or someone like you? Gerard: I don't go easily, though, do I? You know, Scott, you've made me something of a celebrity here. I'm a medical mystery. The cancer is now virtually undetectable, but the doctors have no clue why my body keeps producing and ejecting this bizarre black fluid. Scott: I did what you wanted me to do. Tell us how to beat him. Gerard: You can't. I've tried. Allison: Then this is a complete waste of time. He doesn't know anything. Sorry you did this. Let's go. Gerard: Wait. I can tell you one thing. Deucalion may have lost his eyes, but he's not always blind. Stiles: Okay, so if Derek was a sophomore back then, how old was he? How old were you? How old are you now? Peter: Not as young as we could have been, but not as old as you might think. Stiles: Okay, that was frustratingly vague. How old are you? Cora: I'm 17. Stiles: See, that's an answer. That's how we answer people. Cora: Well, 17 how you'd measure in years. Stiles: All right, I'm just gonna drop it. What happened to Derek and the cello girl? Peter: What do you think happened? They were teenagers. One minute, it's, "I hate you, don't talk to me." The next, it's frantic groping in any dark corner they could manage to find themselves alone for five minutes. Their favorite dark corner was an abandoned distillery outside of Beacon Hills. Stiles: All right, hold up. How do you know all this? You just said that they were alone. Peter: Back then, I wasn't just Derek's Uncle. I was his best friend, his closest confidante. That's how I know. Young Derek: What? Paige: Why do you like me? Young Derek: What's that supposed to mean? Paige: Why do you like me? Young Derek: Why do you think I like you? Paige: Honestly, I think, at first, you liked me because I didn't like you. Young Derek: So now you're worried that now that I know you like me that I'm gonna stop liking you? Paige: Not worried. Just wondering when. Young Derek: What if I never stop liking you? Paige: What? Did you hear something? What's wrong? Young Derek: Something happened here. Paige: What do you mean? Young Derek: I caught a scent. It's blood. All right, now I definitely heard something. Paige: Derek, I don't hear anything. We have to go. Come on. Let's go. Ennis: There. You see it? They dragged him here, an arrow in his throat, and they hung him and cut him in half. They killed one of ours. Kali: One of yours. Why should I care about one of your pack? Unknown Werewolf: 'Cause the hunters don't discern packs, especially the Argents. Deucalion: But they do discern motive Ennis, why did they kill him? Marco: Because your young, naive beta killed one of them. Deucalion: Marco. He killed a hunter, didn't he? Ennis: Accidentally. Gerard: They were all there... Ennis, Kali, Deucalion... each with their own packs, before they'd killed them all and decided to form their little all-star team. Allison: But they didn't all live here, did they? Gerard: No, but there was an exceptionally powerful Alpha who did live here. She had a capacity to shape-shift that was rare among her kind. That made her something of a leader, the kind of person that they would go to for advice and guidance... Talia Hale. Talia: It's his right. We're not the only people to adhere to rituals thousands of years old. Deucalion: Which is no excuse for not evolving. Ennis: They ripped his claws right out of his fingers. How is that evolving? Useless debate. I'm done with it. Deucalion: Ennis, don't. Don't make us part of a historical cliche. With two such powers, it never ends at an eye for an eye. A skirmish becomes a war. A murder becomes a massacre. And we end up no better than our enemies. Peter: Our mark for vendetta. Stiles: Man, you guys really take that revenge thing to, like, a whole new level, don't you? Cora: It's not just revenge. Losing a member of your pack isn't like losing family. It's like you lose a limb. Peter: They wouldn't even let him see the body. Sheriff: Somebody called for a... Whoa. Ennis: I want his body. It belongs to me... both halves. Sheriff: First off... you need to step back. I'm just a deputy. I do what I'm told. And right now they're telling me there's a young man who was shot in the throat with an arrow and literally cut in half. This is a homicide investigation. Second, no matter how close you were... you're not related. Ennis: He was family to me. Cora: I don't get it. What does this have to do with Derek? Peter: Everything. It's never just a single moment. It's a confluence of events. Personally, I looked at Ennis' circumstances, I saw a profound loss. Derek saw something different. He saw opportunity. Stiles: Opportunity? To do what? Peter: To always be with her. [SCENE_BREAK] Paige: What are you staring at? Young Derek: I'm not staring. I'm listening. Am I distracting you? Paige: No, I've got laser-like focus. Young Derek: You sure about that? Paige: I hate you. Young Derek: No, you don't. You love me. Paige: Hate you. Young Derek: You love me. Peter: The thing was, he had this constant fear. He was obsessing over it, thinking about it all night, all day, always on his mind. Why does she eat alone? Young Derek: What are you doing here? Peter: I'm looking out for my favorite nephew, making sure no one has a crossbow aimed at your throat. Young Derek: I could get you banned from school grounds. You know that, right? Peter: No one would ban me from anywhere. I'm too good-looking. Doesn't she have any friends? Young Derek: A few, but she likes to study during lunch. and I kind of just don't think she likes my friends. Peter: No one should like your friends. They're a bunch of hormonal half-wits. But that one over there... she's perfect for you. And perfect combinations are rare in an imperfect world. It would worry me too, though. I'd probably be thinking about it all the time. Young Derek: Thinking about what? Peter: Her finding out. You've thought that through, right? You know it always happens. One minute, you're in this blissful teen romance, and next, she sees fangs, glowing eyes, claws. Young Derek: She doesn't have to find out. Peter: But they always do... especially when they're perfect for you. There's really only one way to make sure you'll always be together. Turn her. I kept telling him not to do it. Every day the more he thought about it, the more convinced he became. You know teenagers. I bet he even blames me. He's probably convinced himself the whole thing was my idea. I have the perfect idea. Young Derek: Go away. Peter: Laura told you about the packs being here, right? There are more alphas than I've ever seen in one place. Your mother would never do it. And these packs won't be here much longer. The time to do it is now. One little bite, and she never gets sick again. She stays younger, more beautiful. Think how she'll be able to protect herself. Derek... the bite is a gift. Gerard: What is that? Chris: A Celtic five fold knot... It's a druid symbol. The air's different in here. Do you feel it? I think I know what this place is. Gerard: Is that blood? Chris: Sacrificial blood. We're in a nemeton. It's a sacred meeting place. Ancient Celtic druids would usually choose a large, older tree in a grove. It would represent the center of the world. There was a belief that cutting or harming the tree in any way would cause serious problems for the surrounding villages. Gerard: What sort of problems? Chris: Fires, plagues, strife... death and destruction of all kinds. Allison: How does he know all about Celtic symbols and druids? Gerard: Know thy enemy, Allison. The older wolves had a relationship with the druids. They called them emissaries. Scott: Like my boss, Deaton. Gerard: Do you know the myth of Lycaon? Scott: I know it's where we get the word "lycanthropy." Gerard: According to myth, some Greek citizens believed they owed their lives more to Prometheus than to the gods of Olympus. And some followers even took names to honor the titans instead of the gods. Scott: Like Deucalion. Gerard: The son of Prometheus. Lycaon didn't just refuse to honor the gods. He challenged them. He invited Zeus to a banquet and then tried to serve him the flesh of a human being. Angered, Zeus blew the place apart with lightning bolts and then punished Lycaon and his sons by turning them into wolves. The part that's lesser known is how Lycaon sought out the druids to help turn him back to human. Scott: Why druids? Gerard: The belief was that the ancient druids knew how to shape-shift. They couldn't make Lycaon and his sons human again, but they did teach them how to shift back and forth. And so the druids became important advisors to the packs. Cora: They keep us connected to humanity. But they're a secret even in the pack. Sometimes only the Alpha knows who the emissary is. Derek and I had no idea about Deaton. Peter: Or his sister, Morrell. Stiles: She's an emissary too? Peter: For the Alpha pack. Stiles: Our guidance counselor? Why the hell don't you people tell me any of this stuff, huh? I shared some really intimate details with her. Cora: And did she give you good advice? Stiles: Actually, yeah. Peter: That's what they do. That's what Deaton used to do for Talia. Deaton: While I admire your willingness to extend an olive branch, I have to tell you, it might not be welcome. Talia: And I'm not sure that Gerard is the one to accept it. Deaton: It's true. The Argents have a matriarchal leadership. Talia: Actually, I was speaking about the fact that he's a complete psychopath. The man cuts people in half with a broadsword. Deucalion: Do the two of you really have so little faith in people? You think Gerard isn't worried about the deaths on his own side? Deaton: Do you know the story of the scorpion and the frog? Deucalion: I have a feeling I'm about to hear it. Deaton: When the scorpion asked the frog to carry him across the river, the frog said, "how do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion replied, "why would I do that? Then we'd both drown." So the frog agreed. Halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the frog. When the frog asked him why he did it, since now they would both die, the scorpion replied... "It's my nature." Your faith in humanity may not matter if you underestimate Gerard's nature. Talia: Make sure you meet him on neutral ground. And do not walk in there alone. Deucalion: I'm an Alpha. I never walk alone. Paige: Derek? Derek, is that you? Cora: Ennis? Why would he choose him? Peter: Why not? Ennis needed a new member for his pack. Paige was young and strong. Doing a favor for Derek meant Ennis would be in good with Talia. Back then, everybody wanted to be in good with her. Stiles: He doesn't remember it was Ennis, does he? Peter: If he does, he keeps it to himself. Stiles: So then what happened? Did he turn her? Peter: Almost. He came at Ennis. A 15year-old boy against a giant. There was no reason for him to fight. She'd already been bitten. Gerard: I wasn't really surprised when Deaton came to arrange a meeting with Deucalion. As William Blake said, "any sinister person who means to be your enemy always start by trying to become your friend." Scott: How do you know he wasn't going there to make peace? Gerard: Because I'm not an idiot. Do you know the sanskrit fable of the scorpion and the turtle? Scott: Yeah, the scorpion asks the turtle for a ride across the river. Gerard: And when the scorpion stings the turtle, dooming them both, what does he say to explain his behavior? Scott: "It's my nature." Gerard: I know a werewolf's nature. I knew exactly what was coming... a trap. I think it's quite fitting that we are meeting in a distillery. You know, the process of distillation is the separating of two substances by pushing them into their different volatile states. Deucalion: Volatile is exactly the state I was hoping to avoid. Gerard: Ooh. Then this is going to come as quite a big disappointment. Deucalion: What have you done? Allison: They attacked you? Gerard: It was an ambush. One of the earliest weapons used by man was the spiked mace. i've made one of my own. I'd love to get your opinion on it. Deucalion: Your own people... Gerard: they wanted peace too. Look what you did to them. Cora: So did she turn? Peter: She should have. Most of the time, the bite takes. Most of the time. Stiles: When you offered it to me, you said, "if it doesn't kill you." Peter: If. Young Derek: What's happening to her? Peter: He knew the answer, though. It didn't matter that she was young and strong. Some people just aren't made for this. But she fought. She struggled desperately, trying to survive. Deucalion: Don't. Don't do this. I had a vision, a vision of peace. Gerard: A little shortsighted... wouldn't you say? Young Derek: I'm sorry. Paige: I knew. Young Derek: What do you mean? Paige: Right after I told you my name, I think I knew. I've seen things in this town before, things no one really could explain. And then there's the way that you talk... how you say things, like how you'd catch a scent. And I know you can hear things, things that no one else can hear. I knew. Young Derek: And you still liked me? Paige: I loved you. Stay.I'm gonna die... aren't I? Ow. I can't. I can't take it anymore. Derek, I can't. Derek... Please. Please. Young Derek: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Peter: I remember taking her body from his arms, to the woods, to a place where I knew that it would be found... another in a long line of Beacon Hills animal attacks. Cora: And what about Derek? Peter: Taking an innocent life takes... Something from you as well, a bit of your soul... darkening it, dimming the once brilliant, golden yellow to a cold, steel blue... like mine. Deaton: I'm sorry.The eyes will heal physically, but... your sight... Deucalion: Leave me alone. Marco, I said... leave me alone. Marco: You are alone. Scott: He sees as a wolf? Gerard: He's not always blind. Allison: Maybe we can use it against him. Gerard: Scott. Oh, I think about you sometimes, Scott. I do. I wonder, what if I'd done things differently? Getting the bite to cure my cancer. And I wonder when it became my nature to believe most things couldn't be asked for but had to be taken. Scott: I don't believe you. The whole time that you were telling your story, I was listening to your heartbeat. It never went up. It never went down. It was steady the whole time. Gerard: Because I was telling the truth. Scott: Or because you're a really good liar. If you lied and it gets people hurt... I'll be back to take away more than your pain. Cora: What? What's this... what's this look on your face? Stiles: What look? Cora: The kind of look that makes me want to punch you. Stiles: Oh, my God. You are so Derek's sister. I forgot. Cora: Well, what is with the look? Stiles: I just don't believe him. All right, in Ms. Blake's class, we're reading heart of darkness, and it's in first person, right? Narrated by Marlow. The thing is that he's... he's an unreliable narrator. You know the details of it have changed, you know, just because of his perspective. Cora: Well, then we heard the story from Peter's perspective. Stiles: Right, and I don't think we got the whole story. Cora: So, what, are... Are you just gonna ask Derek about the girl he fell in love with and then killed? Stiles: If I have to... Yeah. Talia: Derek. Young Derek: I did something... Something terrible. Talia: I know. Young Derek: My eyes... they're different. Talia: Different, but still beautiful... Just like the rest of you.	Plan: A: Peter; Q: Who tells Stiles and Cora about werewolf eye color? A: an innocent life; Q: What does a werewolf have to take to change their eye color? A: a teenaged Derek; Q: Who fell in love with Paige? A: her suffering; Q: What did Derek kill Paige to end? A: Ennis; Q: Who did Peter ask to turn Paige? A: Scott; Q: Who helps Gerard in exchange for answers? A: Allison; Q: Who does Scott visit with? A: whose pain Scott; Q: What does Scott help Gerard alleviate? A: the origins; Q: What does Gerard explain about the feud between the Hunters and the werewolves? A: peace - Gerard; Q: Who sabotaged a meeting between the Hunters and the werewolves? A: the two sides; Q: Who did Gerard sabotage a meeting between? A: a vulnerable Deucalion; Q: Who did Gerard blind? A: emissaries; Q: What are Dr. Deaton and Ms. Morrell revealed to be? A: Alphas; Q: Who are Dr. Deaton and Ms. Morrell advisors to? A: humans; Q: Who are Dr. Deaton and Ms. Morrell ambassadors between werewolves and? Summary: Seeking answers, Stiles and Cora listen as Peter tells them about werewolf eye color - they change from yellow to blue when that werewolf first takes an innocent life. Peter tells them about a teenaged Derek, who fell in love with Paige. When the plan to turn her, to ensure they will always be together, failed, Derek was forced to kill her to end her suffering. Peter leaves out that turning her was his idea, and that he asked Ennis to do the biting. Elsewhere, Scott and Allison visit Gerard, whose pain Scott helps alleviate in exchange for answers. Gerard explains the origins of the feud between the Hunters and the werewolves, but leaves out that Deucalion had originally wanted peace - Gerard was the one who sabotaged a meeting between the two sides, before blinding a vulnerable Deucalion. Dr. Deaton and Ms. Morrell are revealed to be emissaries - modern day druids, advisors to Alphas and ambassadors between werewolves and humans.
THE TRIAL OF A TIME LORD PART NINE (TERROR OF THE VERVOIDS) Run time: 24:56 [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Inquisitor: We are all aware of your feelings of sorrow, Doctor. Has the recess given you sufficient time to overcome the distress of your bereavement? The Doctor: I doubt that there will ever be sufficient time for that, my lady. Valeyard: May we not proceed, my lady? The cavalier manner in which the Doctor permitted his young companion to be destroyed militates against this charade of concern. Inquisitor: The Doctor is fighting for his life, Valeyard. However, I do take your point. Doctor, are you ready to present your evidence? The Doctor: Yes. Yes, I am grateful to you, madam, for according me the same privilege as the Valeyard that allowed me access to the Matrix. My excursion will be into the future. Valeyard: The future? Is it going to be the Doctor's defence that he improves? The Doctor: Precisely. Valeyard: This I must see. The Doctor: My submission concerns a crisis which threatens the lives not only of a group of people confined together with no means of escape, but would, if unresolved, threaten every mortal being on the planet Earth. Inquisitor: Proceed. The Doctor: Mogar, a planet on the Perseus arm of the Milky Way. [SCENE_BREAK] Space [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor (O.C.): Rich in rare metals. A top priority consignment of these precious metals is being loaded aboard Hyperion Three, an intergalactic liner that ferries between Mogar and Earth. A scheduled flight in the Earth year two thousand nine hundred and eighty six. [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor (O.C.): The crew is aboard. The last passengers are reporting in. Many will never complete the journey, for, in order to protect a secret hidden on the space liner, one will become a murderer. Lasky: Am I expected to trust my life for millions of millions of miles to a bunch of incompetents who can't even get my luggage aboard without losing it? Janet: Your luggage, Professor? It's not in your cabin? Lasky: Really, do I have to repeat myself? Janet: I'm sure we can sort it out. Rudge: Problems, Janet? Let me help. Lasky: And who are you? Rudge: Security Officer Rudge, Professor. Now, which cabin did you go to? Lasky: You're asking, and you're the Security Officer? Cabin six, where else? Rudge: May I see your key, please? Rudge: Ah, no. The other way round, I think. You are in cabin nine, and that is where you will find your luggage, Professor. Lasky: Let's hope so. Janet: You're in cabin six, Mister Grenville. Grenville: Thank you. Rudge: Mister Grenville, Security Officer Rudge. If you have any problems... Kimber: Mister Hallett, how pleasant. At least one face not belonging to a stranger. Grenville: I'm sorry, I think you must be mistaken. Kimber: Oh, surely not. We met three years ago on Stella Stora. You came to investigate shortages in the granary. Grenville: My name is Grenville, and I've never been to Stella Stora. You're obviously confusing me with someone else. Rudge: Maybe the gentleman has a doppelganger. Kimber: But I could have sworn. Even the voice is the same. Bruchner: An investigator? Lasky: Bruchner, go and check the safety measures for the Isolation room, immediately. [SCENE_BREAK] Cargo hold [SCENE_BREAK] Guard: That's the final batch. Get your men ashore. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Valeyard: An objection. Inquisitor: Relevant, I hope. Valeyard: Completely. When, may we ask, is the Doctor going to embroil himself in this saga? The Doctor: Now I object. Am I not to be protected from the prosecutor's insinuations? On what evidence does he conclude that I embroil myself? Inquisitor: None. I shall ignore his terminology. But I do confess I share his curiosity. The Doctor: I fail to see why you're so curious, madam. Surely you must know where my TARDIS is? Valeyard: Obscurity is a recognised tactic for subterfuge. The Doctor: And posing unnecessary questions in order to score cheap points is the tactic of a prosecutor who has no case. You have been monitoring my TARDIS. You claim it's been bugged with a listening device. So you tell the court where my TARDIS is. Inquisitor: I require you to respond to the challenge, Valeyard. Valeyard: It has entered the sector the Hyperion Three is traversing. [SCENE_BREAK] Bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Computer: Hyperion flight one one three is now in progress. [SCENE_BREAK] TARDIS [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Twenty three, twenty four, twenty five... Mel & Doctor: Twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine, thirty, thirty one, thirty two, thirty three, thirty four... The Doctor: Thirty five, thirty six, thirty seven, thirty eight... Mel & Doctor: Thirty nine, forty. Mel: This will wake you up. The Doctor: Carrot juice? Mel: It'll do you good. Honestly, carrots are full of vitamin A. The Doctor: Mel, have you studied my ears lately? Mel: It's your waistline I'm concerned about. The Doctor: No, no, seriously, though. Is it my imagination or have they started to grow longer? Mel: Listen, when I start to call you Neddy, then you can worry. Drink up. The Doctor: You'll worry sooner when I start to bray. [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Janet: Perhaps when you've unpacked, you'd like to join the other passengers in the lounge for refreshments. Janet: You startled me. Janet: You haven't got your translator switched on, sir. Atza: Why did we not depart on schedule? Janet: We were delayed for a late arrival. A gentleman from your planet, as a matter of fact. Atza: A Mogarian? Janet: Yes, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] Communications room [SCENE_BREAK] Janet: Anything interesting? Edwardes: Maybe. Unidentified craft. I've tried all the standard frequencies. Janet: Without response? Edwardes: Not a bleep. Janet: Perhaps it's a piece of space flotsam. Edwardes: You make delicious coffee, Janet. Janet: Oh, well, if you don't want the benefit of my advice. Edwardes: Let's try you on hyper-frequency. [SCENE_BREAK] TARDIS [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Sixty nine, seventy, seventy one, seventy two... The Doctor: Quickly, Mel, press the red button. Get the message on the screen. Press it. Press it! Mel: I have. You said red. The Doctor: Did I? Must be the carrot juice making me colour blind. Mel: Colour blind? Mel: Cryptic. The Doctor: Unsigned. Mel: Mayday call? We have to respond. The Doctor: Practically on our doorstep. [SCENE_BREAK] Cargo hold [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Come on, Doctor. Come on, hurry. The Doctor: How I keep up with you is a constant source of amazement to me. Mel: No one sends a mayday call unless it's a matter of life and death. The Doctor: Yes. Let's exercise the grey cells for once, shall we, rather than the muscles. The Doctor: That was no ordinary mayday call. It was beamed specifically at the TARDIS. Mel: So it's from someone who knows you. The Doctor: In which case, why wasn't it signed? Mel: Panic? Desperation. Well, we won't find out by hanging about in here, will we? The Doctor: We won't go blundering into a trap, either. Mel: I've never seen this side of you before. You're usually the one who goes charging in regardless. The Doctor: Can't you sense it, Mel? Mel: Sense what? The Doctor: Evil. There's evil in this place. The Doctor: I've got a better idea. Let's go to Pyro Shika, a fascinating planet... Mel: Doctor! Mel: Doctor. The Doctor: So much for your enthusiasm. Let me do the talking. The Doctor: Now listen, my man, I can explain. We're... Guard: Shut up. Move. The Doctor: I said I can explain. Guard: And I said move. The Doctor: He did, didn't he. Mel: You certainly talked us out of trouble there. [SCENE_BREAK] Bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Rudge: You never heard anything? Edwardes: Not a sound. Rudge: Nor saw anything? Edwardes: I've already told you. Rudge: No one's blaming you, laddie, but I thought perhaps now that your head is clearer. Edwardes: I was concentrating on the unidentified craft. Rudge: From which you failed to get a response. Travers: Mister Edwardes, what about the security tape? Edwardes: Deactivated, sir. Travers: Which indicates knowledge of our procedures. Rudge: Just my thoughts too, Commodore. Travers: I'm sure. How about the rest of the equipment? Edwardes: In perfect order, sir. Travers: That leaves only one objective your assailant could have had. Rudge: To send a message. Travers: I was trying not to state the obvious, Mister Rudge. That'll do. Report to the medic before returning to duty. Edwardes: Thank you, sir. The Doctor: Will you please stop poking that contraption into my spine. Guard: We heard a noise in the cargo hold, Mister Rudge, and found these two. The Doctor: Is it? Yes, it is. Captain Tonker Travers. Travers: Commodore. The Doctor: Oh. Travers: Of all the places in this infinite universe, you have to turn up on my ship. The Doctor: Commodore? That means this is a grade one security craft. Rudge: Yes, and I should like to know how you got here. Travers: Don't bother, Rudge. I know how. What I don't know is why. The Doctor: But didn't you send the mayday call? Travers: Me? Mel: We had to respond. Edwardes: That's true, sir. Travers: I am fully conversant with the navigational code, Mister Edwardes. I thought you were reporting to the medic. Edwardes: Yes, sir. Travers: I authorised no mayday signal. My Communications officer is attacked and then you appear. Mel: And a fat lot of thanks we've got for our pains. Travers: If I seem to lack gratitude, young woman... The Doctor: Melanie. Known as Mel. Travers: It is because on the previous occasion that the Doctor's path crossed mine, I found myself involved in a web of mayhem and intrigue. The Doctor: Ah, saved your ship, though, Commodore. Travers: Yes, you did, though whether it would have been at risk without your intervention is another matter. Mel: Whatever happened in the past doesn't alter the fact that a mayday call was sent. The Doctor: Not by you, though, Commodore, so let's make this hail and farewell, shall we? Travers: Stand easy, Doctor. You're not leaving. The Doctor: We're not? Travers: I'd rather have you where I can see you than swanning around outside. Conduct them to the lounge. Consider yourself restricted to passenger quarters. Mel: In other words, welcome aboard. Rudge: Stowaways. I could have done without that on my final service report. Travers: If you're expecting an easy ride on your last voyage, Mister, I'm afraid you're not going to get it. Rudge: I think you're being a mite unfair, sir. Travers: Am I? Well, don't be too diligent in policing the Doctor. Rudge: Can I have clarification of that instruction, sir. Travers: Give him enough rope and he will snare our culprit for us. [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Far cry from the carefree life of Pease Pottage, eh, Mel? Mel: I'm not complaining. You're really worried, aren't you? The Doctor: I can't rid myself of the feeling I'm being used. Whoever sent that message knew me. Mel: There's a made to measure candidate. The Doctor: There is? Mel: The Commodore. He's met you before. The Doctor: He'd have said. Mel: Would he admit he needs outside assistance? The Doctor: Intriguing possibility, but that's all. Mel: Look, the quickest way out of this is to solve the mystery. The Doctor: That could also be the quickest way into trouble. Mel: Why don't you ask for a passenger list? The Doctor: Don't hustle me, Mel. Mel: Who's hustling? All I'm saying is that you might recognise a name. Simple, isn't it? The Doctor: Hmm. Meanwhile? Mel: Meanwhile, I wander around, poke my nose into a few nooks and crannie and see if anyone tries to make contact. Remember, we were restricted to the passenger quarters. This is only the lounge. [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] Rudge: Looking for something, miss? Mel: I see you've a gymnasium. Rudge: Needed on a long trip like this. Mel: I thought I might do a bit of limbering up. Rudge: That's the spirit. Let me take you there. Mel: So you can keep tabs on me? Rudge: Why would I want to do that? Mel: This way? [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I wonder if you can help me. Janet: I'll do my best. The Doctor: I'd like to see a copy of the passenger list. [SCENE_BREAK] Gymnasium [SCENE_BREAK] Rudge: Put the headset on, Miss. Rudge: Sorry. If you get tired of aerobics, just select another tape. They come complete with instructions and music. Mel: Thank you. Doland: Professor, we have a problem in the Hydroponic Centre. Lasky: The Hydroponic Centre? What's happened? Doland: It's been broken into. Lasky: Get Bruchner down there. He's in the Isolation Room. Mel: Yes? Yes, I heard, but who's speaking? [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] Janet: You're very persuasive, Doctor, but I can't possibly... Janet: Ah, here's the man who could give you permission. The Doctor: No, no, no, no, don't bother. Rudge: Permission for what? The Doctor: Ah, it's not important. It's just a whim. I'm subject to whims, so I'm told. Janet: The Doctor wants a passenger list. Rudge: Why not? Indeed, the idea makes good sense. The Doctor: Mmm. Well, if I could I could just spot a familiar name... Rudge: We'd get our culprit, you'd bid us farewell. I should have thought of that myself, Doctor. Sign of age. I'm due to retire after this voyage. The Doctor: No, no, all complete strangers, I'm afraid. Rudge: Pity. The Doctor: Thank you. Mel: He's been in touch. He wants you to meet him in cabin six. The Doctor: Did you see him, get a name? Mel: No, just a message. Let's go. The Doctor: Now, before you go rushing off, Mel, do you know what a Judas goat is? Mel: Er, yes. It's a decoy goat that's tied to the stake to lure the tiger out into the open. The Doctor: Getting badly mauled in the process. I think I shall refuse the role. Mel: Then where are you going? The Doctor: For a non-provocative stroll around the deck. Mel: But what about cabin six? The Doctor: Tiger trap. [SCENE_BREAK] Cargo hold [SCENE_BREAK] Lasky: You appalling dunderhead, Doland. Couldn't you have repaired this? Doland: I assumed you'd want to see the damage for yourself, Professor. Lasky: And I suppose it never penetrated your thick academic skull to check the pods. Doland: That was the first thing I did. They're stable. Bruchner: Professor Lasky! The Demeter seeds, they're gone. [SCENE_BREAK] Cabin 6 [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Hello? Anyone at home? The Doctor: You're not supposed to be in here. Mel: And what about you? The Doctor: Hmm? Mel: Going for a stroll? You just said that to put me off. The Doctor: Well, there's no sense in putting two heads into the noose. Mel: Ever heard of safety in numbers? The Doctor: Hmm. Mel: Looks like someone's been in a fight for their life. The Doctor: Yes. The question is, did they succeed? [SCENE_BREAK] Bridge [SCENE_BREAK] Travers: Yes? Rudge (O.C.): Would you come down, sir? Travers: Where? Rudge (O.C.): Waste disposal unit. There's been an accident. Travers: Accident? Can't you deal with it? Rudge (O.C.): I think you should be here, sir. Travers: Very well. What I have done to be landed with him, I fail to comprehend. Take over. [SCENE_BREAK] Corridor [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: What is it? Janet: Emergency in the waste disposal unit. Mel: This way. The Doctor: Yeah, this way. [SCENE_BREAK] Waste disposal [SCENE_BREAK] Travers: I see. Cut the klaxon. Accident? Why can't you use plain language, mister? Whoever's been dumped in there has been pulverised into fragments and sent floating in space, and in my book that's murder. Have you called a medic for this man? Rudge: Of course, sir. Straight away. Travers: Then I suggest you begin earning your salary and find out who that belongs to. The Doctor: I may be able to help you there, Commodore. Travers: Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. The Doctor: If you'd rather I left it to Mister Rudge? Mel: The passenger in cabin six sent for the Doctor. When we got there, he was gone. Travers: Doesn't follow that he wound up in the pulveriser. The Doctor: The room was a wreck. Mel: And there was a single shoe, exactly the same pattern as that. The Doctor: To be complete, the syllogism only requires its grim conclusion. Travers: And naturally you have never met the man or know why he sent for you. Mel: We don't even know his name. Rudge: It was Grenville, sir. A mineralogist. Travers: Any suggestions why a mineralogist who wanted to see you should be killed? The Doctor: None at all. Travers: Or why it is that every time you appear on the scene, people begin to die? Mel: Hey, I don't care who you are, you've no right to say that to the Doctor. The Doctor: Yes, he does, Mel. He has every right. It happens to be true. [SCENE_BREAK] Lounge [SCENE_BREAK] Lasky: Well? Lasky: Never mind them. Is the Isolation Room safe? Bruchner: Yes, the emergency was in the waste disposal unit. Lasky: Then we can relax. Nothing to do with us. Bruchner: That's your assessment, is it, Professor? The danger's passed? [SCENE_BREAK] Gymnasium [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Well, that's it, then. End of the line. Mel: What do you mean? The Doctor: Well, our contact. Obviously he's the one who's been pulverised. Mel: So we give up? The Doctor: What else? Mel: The Hydroponic Centre. I told you about the sudden panic when I was in here. The Doctor: Irrelevant and immaterial. Mel: What? The Doctor: My dear Melanie, if you wish to pursue this completely arbitrary course, pray hurry along to the Hydroponic Centre and leave me to my static and solitary peregrinations. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Hold it! Just a minute, I don't remember that. Inquisitor: How could you remember? These events are in your future. The Doctor: But, I reviewed that section earlier when I was preparing my defence. There have been changes. That isn't what happened. The girl, Melanie. Her information was important. I wouldn't have just ignored it. Completely uncharacteristic. And the words, misused, didn't even sound like mine. Valeyard: What isn't completely uncharacteristic is this resort to excuses and subterfuge. To gloss over the death of Peri, the Doctor conveniently presents us with another companion. Inquisitor: Hardly a convenience, Valeyard. These events are in the Doctor's future. He would not have met the young woman yet. Valeyard: I stand corrected. But my assumption of why he has pursued such an arbitrary course in aborting this tale still remains. The Doctor: Arbitrary course? Inquisitor: Your assumption, Valeyard? Valeyard: That she, too, is going to her death. The Doctor: No! No, look, I'm sorry, madam, I can't explain, but I have a feeling I am being manipulated, that the evidence is being distorted. Valeyard: Preposterous! Absolutely preposterous! Forgive me, Sagacity. The idea the Matrix could lie. No, it is we who are being manipulated. The Doctor: No! Valeyard: To obscure the damaging truth. The Doctor: No, this is total fabrication. Valeyard: The truth, Doctor! You sent your companion down the cargo hold into a situation which you described, I quote, can't you sense it, Mel? Evil. There's evil in this place. The Doctor: No! No, this is all wrong. Every instinct of which I am capable would have made me prevent her. Valeyard: Yet you did not. Inquisitor: Doctor, either you continue with your submission or I must consider the evidence for the defence to be concluded. [SCENE_BREAK] Cargo hold [SCENE_BREAK] Edwardes: What are you doing prowling around down here? Mel: Prowling? Why should I be prowling? Edwardes: Because this if off-limits, and I suspect you know it. Mel: I just wanted to have a peep at the Hydroponics Centre. Edwardes: Any reason in particular? Mel: I think it might tie in with that mysterious mayday call. I'm not going to touch anything. What harm could it do? Edwardes: I'll no doubt regret this, but come on, a conducted tour only. No wandering off on your own. Mel: Tell me, who's the woman with the dragon's voice? Edwardes: Professor Sarah Lasky. She's an agronomist. So are her two assistants, Bruchner and Doland. Mel: So was the Hydroponics Centre set up specially for them? Edwardes: Yes, we had to allocate part of the hold. Mel: Why is only low spectrum light allowed in the place? Edwardes: Something to do with photosynthesis. Low spectrum light allows the plants to stay dormant. Edwardes: Now, I'll go first. We don't want you breaking your neck. At least, not until...	Plan: A: the courtroom; Q: Where does the Doctor start his defense? A: the Doctor; Q: Who tells Mel that he can sense evil? A: his defense; Q: What does the Doctor start by showing the future? A: Hyperion III; Q: What spaceship is the Doctor on when he arrives in court? A: the planet Mogar; Q: Where is the Hyperion III on its way to Earth? A: rare metals; Q: What was the cargo of the Hyperion III? A: The Doctor; Q: Who shows the court that he picked up a distress signal? A: the TARDIS; Q: What did the Doctor show the court that picked up a distress signal? A: Commodore Travers; Q: Who is the Doctor brought before? Summary: Arriving back in the courtroom, the Doctor starts his defense by showing the future beginning with his arrival onboard the spaceship Hyperion III which is on it's way from the planet Mogar to Earth with a cargo of rare metals. The Doctor shows the court that the TARDIS picked up a distress signal and he responded to it. Upon arrival, the Doctor tells Mel that he can sense evil. They are then captured and brought before Commodore Travers.
Act 1 Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Niles is by the bookcase, Frasier comes from the kitchen with the placemats. Frasier: Oh, Niles? Listen, when Claire gets here, can you give us a moment of privacy, please? Niles: Of course. Frasier: Actually, I'm planning on asking her to go to Belize with me next weekend. Niles: Oh, Belize-imo! Frasier: You'd better Belize it! Niles: Let's see what we can do with "Ecuador." Frasier: Maybe later. Niles: Wait, next weekend? That's awfully soon, I hope Claire's free. Frasier: Yes, well actually Lana told me on the Q-T that Claire's already gotten wind of the trip, and she's eager to go. So all that's left for me to do is ask her and act surprised when she says "Yes." Niles: Wow. Frasier: So, are you jealous? Niles: Well, I might be jealous, but as it happens, I have plans next weekend myself. You know Daphne and I are celebrating one year of being together. Frasier: Niles, that's wonderful. Gosh. So, what do you have in store? Niles: Oh, a weekend alone at my apartment. You see, we don't need beaches or sunsets, just a simple Victorian bathtub filled with champagne, us, and a non-slip mat. Frasier: It's romantic and yet prudent. Very good. Niles: Thank you very much. He shows a brochure to Niles. Frasier: Here's where I'm taking Claire. Do you think she'll like it? Daphne comes in from the kitchen. Niles: Lush grounds, white sandy beaches, this hotel looks amazing, she's going to love it! Daphne looks excited and sneaks back into the kitchen. Frasier: Oh, Niles, I also took the liberty of buying myself a new piece of luggage by Moritzio. Would you care to see it? Niles: Moritzio?! Try and stop me! I'm green with envy! They rush off to Frasier's room. Daphne comes back in and picks up the Belize brochure, looking though it with excitement. The doorbell rings and she goes to answer it. It is Claire. Daphne: Oh, hello, Claire. Claire: Hi, Daphne. You seem so happy. What? Daphne: Well it seems Niles is going to surprise me with an exotic trip for our anniversary. Claire: How funny. You know, Frasier... Daphne: I'm so excited. We've only recently started going away together. We wanted to wait until we got to know each other better. Claire: Really? Daphne: I know, it sounds old fashioned. But there's nothing worse for a relationship than moving too fast. Frasier and Niles come back into the living room. Frasier: Oh, hi, Claire. Niles: Hello. Claire: Oh, hi. Daphne: I've just been telling Claire about our anniversary plans. Niles: Oh, yes! There's no place like home. Daphne: Right, home. They all chuckle, for different reasons. Niles and Daphne head into the kitchen. Claire sits on the couch. Frasier: Claire, listen, uh, I know this is coming out of the blue, but how would you like to go away with me next weekend, to Belize? Claire: That sounds wonderful, Frasier. Frasier: [sitting beside her] I thought you might say that. Claire: Only... do you think maybe it's too soon for us to go away together? Frasier: Well, I, I don't know. Do you? Claire: I don't know. Frasier: Well, I'd hate for us go away before we're ready. Claire: So are you saying we're not ready? Frasier: I... don't know. Are you? Claire: I don't know. I just don't want to jeopardize our relationship. Frasier: Would we be? Claire: I don't know. Frasier: Well, if we don't know, maybe we should wait. Claire: Okay, you know best. Frasier looks confused and disappointed. Reset to: - the kitchen. Daphne is preparing sandwiches. Daphne: So Niles... Niles: Mm-Hmm? Daphne: About our anniversary weekend, I'm trying to figure out what to bring. Will your apartment be warm that weekend, or unseasonably cold? Niles: Well, I keep the thermostat at a steady seventy-one, but I'm flexible within a degree or two. Daphne: Will we snorkel? Niles looks shocked. Niles: Daphne, you're making me blush. Daphne: Oh, Niles, stop it. I know about the trip to Belize! I'm sorry, I overheard you talking to your brother. Trust you to plan something so romantic! Niles: That isn't what... Daphne: Stop the charade! A bathtub full of champagne, please! We used to do that in high school! She heads off to the living room as Frasier comes in. Frasier: Well, turns out I'm not going to Belize after all. Claire thinks it may be too soon for us to go away together. Or I do. I forget who spoke last. Niles: Well, I'm so sorry. You must be devastated. Frasier: Well... Niles: Can I have your reservations? Frasier: Excuse me? Niles: Well, I've decided to go away with Daphne for our anniversary. Frasier: Why not? At least one of us should have the most romantic weekend of his life. Niles: Thank you Frasier. I only wish it could be you. Do you suppose I could borrow your new luggage? [off Frasier's look] That's too far. Reset to: the living room. Claire steps out of the powder room. Daphne: Well, it's official. Niles is whisking me away next weekend. I'm so excited. Each trip just gets better and better. Claire: [rising] Because you waited. Daphne: I suppose, but looking back I can't believe we held off for so long. All the fun we missed. Let's face it, when it's the right person, there's no sense in waiting. Claire sits down at the table with a confused look. Daphne heads off. Frasier comes in and hands Claire a bottle of water. Frasier: Well, here we are, Claire. Claire: Thank you. Frasier, about Belize... Frasier: [sitting] Now, now, Claire, we've made our decision and I think it's a good one. Claire: Maybe it's not too soon to go away. Frasier: Go on. Claire: Are we possibly denying ourselves a wonderful trip? Frasier: Well, examining it from all angles, one could certainly make a case... Claire: Let's go! Frasier: I'm already packed! They kiss and Claire gets up. Claire: Oh, I better run! Frasier: [rising] I thought we were having lunch. Claire: Well, if we're going to Belize, I've got some shopping to do. Frasier: What do you mean "if"? Claire: What do you mean? Frasier: Just go shop! Claire: Ahh, bye! Frasier: Bye-bye. She leaves as Niles comes back into the room. Frasier: Niles, I'm sorry, it turns out Claire and I are going to Belize after all. You and Daphne will have to go someplace else. Niles: Wait! Daphne has her heart set on Belize! Frasier: Niles, this is not "Cranes Go Caribbean", I want to be alone with Claire! Martin and Roz come in the front door, walking Eddie and Ariel. Martin: Hey guys. Frasier: Oh, hi, Dad. Roz: Hi, guys. Ariel, come and say hello to Frasier and Niles. She kneels down and hold her dog up. Roz: Say hello. Niles: Hello. Roz: Say hello. Frasier: Hello. Roz: Say hello! Frasier: Yes, all right, Roz, that's enough, please. Roz: Ariel just joined Martin's dog group at the park. Martin: Eddie was his sponsor! Roz: And Ariel discovered squirrels. I discovered I'm not the only woman using my dog to meet men. Apparently we also hunt in packs. Come on, let's go get some water. She takes her dog into the kitchen. Martin: Hey, Frasier, I got a little favor to ask you. Duke and I are going on a fishing trip next weekend, and I need you to look after Eddie. Frasier: Actually, I've got plans next weekend, Dad. Where are you going? Martin: Belize! Yeah, I saw that brochure you had lyin' around. The fishing looks fantastic, not to mention the sandy beaches, the lush grounds... Frasier: Yes, Dad, I'm familiar with it. That's where I'm taking Claire. Niles: And I'm going with Daphne. [Frasier glares at him.] Well, if he's goin', I'm goin'! Martin: Great! Frasier: What the hell. The more the merrier. He looks resigned, if grumpy. FADE OUT. GETTING THERE IS HALF THE FUN Scene 2 - Lana's VW Fade in. Lana is driving Frasier to the airport. Frasier: Oh, by the way, thanks for driving me and Claire to the airport. Lana: Frasier, please, are you kidding? Because of you, my Kirby got a "B" in history. A "B." Frasier: Yes, it turned out well for both of us. For once, somebody else got the grade and I got the girl. Lana: God, I just hope Claire is waiting outside. This traffic is terrible. Lana honks her horn and swerves. Frasier takes her cigarette and puffs on it. Lana: I didn't know you smoked. Frasier: I don't. The way you're driving I'm not gonna die of natural causes anyway. Lana: Give me that. Do you have a problem with my driving? Frasier: No, no, it's fine. Just wish you'd pick a lane, that's all. Lana: Pick, pick, pick, pick, pick, pick. Well, you're certainly an expert at that. Frasier: What is that supposed to mean? Lana: It means... that nothing is ever good enough for you. You complain about everything. Frasier: That is not true! Lana: Oh, come on, Frasier! I have been out with you! "The wine has turned." "The silver has tarnished." "The service is too slow." "The cheese is runny." Frasier: Fine, it was Camembert. If anything, it wasn't runny enough. Yes, I may have exacting standards, but what you choose to characterize as fault-finding, I think of as my steadfast refusal to settle. Lana: Please! This Newport is more alive with pleasure than you are. The truth is, Frasier, you don't know how to be happy. Frasier: That is ridiculous. Lana: Admit it. You know I'm right. Frasier: Want to see me happy? You leave more than half a car length between us and that Taurus. Lana's eyes go wide in fear and she stomps on her brakes. The car smashes into the Taurus and the hood flips up. Frasier: At least whoever gets my seat on the plane will be happy. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - The Hotel Lobby in Belize Fade in. Frasier is sitting at a table, the manager comes up. Manager: Dr. Crane? Dr. Crane? I understand your room is not satisfactory? Frasier: YES, I HAD A RESERVATION FOR AN OCEAN-VIEW SUITE AND INSTEAD I GOT A SINGLE ROOM OVERLOOKING AN ABANDONED BUS! Manager: Please, sir, you don't have to yell. Frasier: OH, I'M SORRY. YOU SEE, MY EARS GOT CLOGGED SOMEWHERE ABOVE OAXACA AND THEY HAVEN'T POPPED YET! NOW IF I COULD JUST GET THE ROOM THAT I RESERVED... Manager: I'm afraid we gave your room away. Check in time is three o'clock and we never heard from you. Frasier: LET ME SEE... AT THREE O'CLOCK, MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAD JUST DISEMBARKED IN PUNTA GORDA FROM OUR PLANE, THAT WAS LATE BECAUSE THE PILOT HAD TO DUST SOME CROPS. I COULD HAVE CALLED DURING MY CONNECTING TRACTOR RIDE, BUT I HAD TO FIND OUT WHICH OF FOUR AIRLINES HAD LOST MY LUGGAGE, NOT TO MENTION... my ears just popped! Manager: Congratulations, sir. He walks away. Frasier: I still want a better room! As he sits back down, Claire walks in. Claire: FRASIER, THIS PLACE IS WONDERFUL! YOU SHOULD SEE THE POOL! Frasier: It's all right, my ears are better now. Claire: Oh! Well, that's good news. Frasier: Yes, we're on a roll. Niles and Daphne come in. Daphne: Well, look who's here. Niles: Well hello there. We thought you'd decided to hide in your hotel room all weekend. Claire: Well, actually, we just got here, we missed our flight this morning. Daphne: Oh dear, what happened? Frasier: Well, Lana happened. We were on our way to the airport... Claire: Frasier, please. They don't need to hear the whole story and God knows I'm good for a while. Niles: So, who's up for a drink? Daphne: Oh, yes, you've got to try a Belize Bomber. Couple of those and you'll be flying. Come on. Claire gets up and she and Daphne head to the bar. Niles: Yes, plus every one you kill they put a decal on your coconut. Frasier: You go ahead Claire, I'm still working on our room. Niles: Frasier, this vacation is going to do you good. This place is completely freeing. Would you believe today I dabbled in public nudity? Daphne and I found a secluded cove on the beach. We shed our garments and surrendered ourselves to the sand, the sea and one rather curious grouper. Frasier: Don't you have a diary? Martin comes up. Martin: Well, look who finally got here! Frasier: Hi, Dad. Martin: Fras, how was your flight? Niles: Oh, don't poke the bear, Dad. How was fishing? Martin: Oh, Duke and I caught the biggest marlin you've ever seen. The swells were huge, it took us two hours to reel it in. Niles: Where's Duke? Martin: He's up in his room. Sunburned, heaving his guts out. You guys oughta come out tomorrow. Frasier and Niles laugh off this offer. A hostess comes up. Hostess: Sir? Your table is ready. Martin: Oh, thanks. Fras, why don't you and Claire join us? Frasier: Oh, no thanks Dad. We've reserved a romantic table for two at the water's edge. Martin: Oh, say no more. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 4 - the dining room. Martin, Daphne and Niles are eating dinner. Martin: Well, I've gone on long enough about fishing. What'd you guys do today? Niles: Oh, you know, took a swim, got some sun. He and Daphne grin at each other. Martin: Well, just make sure you keep your suits on. The skipper of the fishing boat has a telephoto lens. He posts the photos in the bait shop under "Catch of the Day." Niles and Daphne share a nervous glance. Frasier and Claire walk up. Martin: Oh, look who decided to join us. Frasier: Right. Martin: What happened to your table? Frasier: Well, we waited an eternity for our table but it never opened up. Claire: Frasier, this is fine. Let's just turn our chairs around. Look, ocean view. Frasier: Oh, all right. Waiter: Would you like a menu? Niles: Oh, you know what? You have got to get the John Dory. Daphne: No, it can't be any better than this halibut. Martin: No, don't listen to 'em. These soft-shelled crabs are meltin' in my mouth. Waiter: I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of all three. Claire puts her hand to her head in anticipation of what's coming. Frasier: Wonderful. Well, what fish do you have? Waiter: We make a decent swordfish. Frasier: "Decent"? That's what I traveled four thousand miles for? "Decent"? You should put that on your menu: Home of the Decent... Claire: I'll have the swordfish. Frasier: Right. Swordfish is fine, thank you. The waiter heads off. Claire: Frasier, what's the matter? Frasier: Didn't you hear? They're out of everything... Claire: Frasier! We've both had a long day, but we're here now, why can't you make the most of it? The others make noises of agreement. Frasier: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know, you're right. Okay, not another word. Martin: Well, as long as everyone's here, I'd like to make a toast. Frasier: All righty. Martin: Uh, there's nothing gives me greater joy than to see both my boys happy. He starts to lift his drink, but winces and cries out. Daphne: Mr. Crane, is something the matter. Martin: AHH, it's reelin' that fish in today, my arms are shot. I'll be all right. Anyway, what I wanted to say was- AHHH! Niles: Dad, don't be a hero. Put down the coconut. Martin: Well, I just want to say that I'm not the only fisherman in the family. In fact, I'm not even the best one. One year ago, after seven years of trying to get her to bite, Niles finally hooked Daphne. And I think we'd all agree that she's quite a catch. The others call "Hear, hear." Daphne: Oh, thank you. She lifts Martin's drink up so he can sip the straw. The waiter comes back to whisper to Frasier. Martin: And Claire, I just want you to know how glad we are that you're here. I don't remember Frasier being this happy in a long time. Frasier: Out of swordfish too? Waiter: I'm sorry sir, may I suggest the pepper steak? Frasier: Steak? That's what we should eat at Belize's finest seafood restaurant? There's an ocean full of fresh fish not fifteen feet away, but why not try a slab of artery-clogging, hormone- injected, frozen red meat instead?!?! He stops as everyone stares at him. Frasier: I'm sorry Dad. Please continue. Martin: No, that's all right, I'm done. Claire: Actually, I think I am, too. Excuse me. She gets up and hurries out. Frasier: [rising] Oh, Claire. Claire! He rushes after her. Martin glares at the waiter. Martin: You didn't tell me you had steak here! The waiter adopts a very put-upon look. FADE OUT. End of Act 1 Act 2 Scene 1 - Frasier's Hotel Room Fade in. Frasier comes into the room. He notices Claire's suitcase laid open on the bed. Frasier: Claire? Claire: [calling from the bathroom] Yes? Frasier: Listen, uh... I, I don't blame you for wanting to leave, but before you go, I, I'd just like to say that I'm really sorry for getting so upset. You see, it's just that since I met you, I thought... I've thought you were pretty much perfect for me. And I guess I just wanted our first trip together to be perfect too. I think it still can be. What can I say to convince you to stay? Claire comes out of the bathroom in a silk nightgown. Frasier: I see I'm off to a pretty good start. Claire: Frasier, I wasn't going to leave. I'm crazy about you. I just started to feel like you didn't want to be here with me. Frasier: Oh, gosh, nothing could be further from the truth. They embrace. Claire: I mean, this weekend doesn't have to be perfect, let's just try to have fun. Frasier: Fun? Oh, I can do that. Fun's been my nickname since math camp. Claire: Math camp? You're just trying to get me into bed. She pushes him to the bed and joins him. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Later Frasier curls up next to Claire. Frasier: I must say, this trip has certainly taken a turn for the better. I'll tell you something else: I'm happy. Utterly and completely happy. He lays back and drifts off. The woman next to him rolls over, it is now Lana. Lana: I'm glad, Frasier. I'm happy too. They kiss. CUT TO: Claire shaking Frasier awake. Claire: Frasier? Frasier? Frasier? Are you okay? You were talking in your sleep. Frasier: Oh, yes, I'm okay, I'm fine. Go back to sleep. Claire turns back over. Frasier caresses her shoulder to make sure she's asleep, then slips out of bed. FADE OUT. Scene 2 - The Hotel Lobby Fade in. Frasier is on the phone in his bathrobe. Frasier: Hi, it's me, Frasier. Listen, I'm aware of the time, it's just that... Well, you're the last person on Earth I thought I'd be calling but I had this dream and I had to talk to you about it. CUT TO: a dark bedroom. A figure is on the phone. As she speaks and turns on the light we see it is Lilith. As the scene progresses, we cut back and forth between Lilith and Frasier. Lilith: Oh, God. I suppose you expect me to be awake for this conversation, don't you? Frasier: Okay, I'll be brief. It's just that I'm on vacation with my girlfriend Claire, a woman who by all conventional standards is perfect for me, and yet I just had a vivid sexual dream about someone who differs from her entirely. Lilith: A man? Frasier: Not that different. Lilith: Someone you've slept with? Frasier: Well, yes, but it didn't work out. You see, I worshipped her for years, but then we had a parting of the ways because it turns out she was just unpleasant, confrontational, self- centered... Lilith: Frasier, if you're dreaming about me, just say it. Frasier: No, Lilith, it's not you. It's a woman named Lana. Lilith: Well, it seems like a textbook simple dream. Why are you calling me? Frasier: Well, because you know me better than anybody else, and you're a terrific psychiatrist. Lilith: Thank you. Frasier: So what do you think? Lilith: As a working hypothesis, I'd say you have the hots for Lana. Frasier: No, no, you see. maybe I'm not making myself clear. You see, the woman irritates me to no end. She's antagonistic and, and opinionated. Critical... Lilith: Oh, so I see. What you're saying is unlike most women you've dated, she challenges you. Frasier: Well, maybe so, that's not the point. You see Claire is perfect for me. Lilith: All right. Why does this dream about Lana upset you? Frasier: I don't know. Lilith: Are you sure? Frasier: Lilith? Do you think I know how to be happy? Lilith: Of course you do. You just like a challenge. You've never been one to take the easy road. Frasier: Well, it seems I've skidded right off the road this time and into a ditch. A deep one. Lilith: Well, you could try to throw it into reverse and spin your wheels for a while. Or you could get out into the ditch and get a little dirty. Frasier: I see. Lana's the ditch, right? Lilith: It's your metaphor. Frasier: Yes, well I guess I've got some thinking to do. Thanks for talking, Lilith. Lilith: Any time. I love you Frasier. Frasier: I love you too. He hangs up the phone. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne is standing in front of the bait shop. Niles comes sauntering out. He reaches into his shirt and pulls out a photo. Looking at it, they're both a bit shocked. But they continue to look at it and share a naughty look. Hearing a noise from the bait shop, they hurry off. A man chases after them with a hammer, furious at the theft. [N.B. The bait shop owner is played by director Sheldon Epps.]	Plan: A: a collection; Q: What does Frasier have of brochures? A: the plan; Q: What does Frasier discuss with his brother? A: Daphne overhears; Q: Who assumes Niles is planning to go with her? A: one year; Q: How long has Niles and Daphne been together? A: their flight; Q: What did Frasier and Claire miss on their trip to Belize? A: Lana; Q: Who drove Frasier and Claire to the airport? A: her impatient driving; Q: What caused Lana to cause an accident? A: his special room; Q: What does Frasier discover has been given away? A: the fish; Q: What does Martin enjoy eating in Belize? A: great fun fishing; Q: What does Martin have fun doing in Belize? A: public nudity; Q: What do Niles and Daphne sample while in Belize? A: a fisherman; Q: Who is nearby with a telescopic camera lens? A: a telescopic camera lens; Q: What does the fisherman have that Niles and Daphne don't realize he has? Summary: Frasier is planning to take Claire on a trip to Belize . He has a collection of brochures which Martin finds, and he also decides to go, hoping to do some fishing. Frasier discusses the plan with his brother, and Daphne overhears and assumes Niles is planning to go with her, to celebrate one year of their relationship. In the end, they all go, but Frasier and Claire arrive late after missing their flight; Lana drove them to the airport and her impatient driving caused an accident. Frasier has increasing difficulty enjoying himself, arriving late and discovering that his special room has been given away, that his restaurant table is gone, and that most of the fish on the menu has run out. Martin, however, has great fun fishing, and Niles and Daphne sample the experience of public nudity, not realizing that there is a fisherman nearby with a telescopic camera lens.
[Brian's place. Brian's on a treadmill, staring straight at the blown-up pictures on the wall from the party. You remember - - Mike at different ages, looking all cute and happy, Mike and Brian, Brian and Mike. Brian finally turns off the treadmill and picks up the phone. He dials a number and the screen splits in two to show Mike in his apartment, picking up.] Michael: Hello? [Brian hangs up without answering, and Mike puts the phone back in its cradle. His apartment zooms over to fit the whole screen. Emmett, leaning in the kitchen doorway.] Emmett: Who was that? Michael: Brian. Emmett: What did he have to say? Michael: He didn't say anything. He hangs up. Emmett: So how do you know it was him? Michael: He's breathing. He got this funny little we-we's from his deviated septum. Emmett: That's not the only thing about him that's deviated. Michael: I wonder what he want it. Emmett: Let's see. To come over here and beg for eternal forgiveness? Michael: Brian doesn't do apologies. Emmett: Well, he should after what he did. Michael: It's too late. He pushed too hard, and now the game is over. Emmett: I know. And I'm sorry. Michael: Dosen't matter. I'm to busy bein' happy! I only haven't time to think about it. Emmett: Who would have ever believed it -- you, a married lady! Michael: I prefer the term 'domestic partner.' Who cares what it's called, as long as I have David. Emmett: And I have the apartment! Michael: Now your bringing all the tricks you want and you don't have to worry to disturbing me. 'Try not to scream so loud when your come. We're wake up Michael!' Emmett: Well, we'll see about that. Michael: Well, I guess that's it. [to Captain Astro] Oh, almost forgot. Emmett: Let me help you. Michael: I guess now that's really it. [Emmett kisses him on the cheek.] Emmett: Good luck, sweety. And remember, you have always a place to come back to. Michael: That's very nice of you, Emmett. Especially since I'm still paying half the rent. [Mike starts to hit Emmett in the butt with Captain Astro's hand.] Michael: Captain Astro using his magical fisting power. Emmett: Quit it. It's too early for fisting. Michael: No, it's never too early for fisting. [Ryder Ad Agency. Brian walks into his office, followed by his assistant.] Cynthia: The gym called you and the tailor called again and Ryder wants you... Brian: fck the gym, fck the tailor, and fck Ryder! And get you please some aspirin or something, because I have a bitch of a headache. [Assistant is apparently used to this behavior, and puts the messages down on his desk within scowling range.] Cynthia: OK, it's been a week since the usual phone calls from Michael every five minutes. Is he away or something? Brian: Yeah, you could say that. [Assistant leaves without delving any further. Cut to Ted walking down some random street in Pittsburgh. His cell phone rings. It's Brian.] Ted: Ted Schmidt. Brian: Brian. Ted: Brian, who? [The screen splits so we can see them both, Ted on the street, and Brian in his office.] Brian: Brian who do you think? That's who! Ted: Oh, I don't recognize your voice. I don't think you ever called me. Brian: Well, today is your lucky day. Ted: I'm not talking on you, remember? Brian: Yeah, right. So, what are you doin' tonight? Ted: I don't thoughed about it. Brian: Well, think about it and decide if you wanna hang out. Ted: With you? Brian: You sound surprised. Ted: No, surprise would it be if I won the lottery or an asteroid hit the earth or if Richard Simmons was straight. Brian: So, you're not busy? Ted: Do you have to ask? Brian: Woody's, after work. [He hangs up before Teddy can say another word.] [At the gym, Ted tells Emmett about his "date" with Brian.] Ted: He wants me to meet them in Woodys to hang out. Emmett: Well, he must be really desperate. I didn't mean it like that. Ted: Now that he and Michael are no longer friends. . .My guess is he needs someone new to take for granted, so naturally, he thought of me. Emmett: You don't actually considering goin', are you? Ted: Maybe I can resolve the great Michael conflict, and, uh, score with one of Brian's rejects. Emmett: God, I hate my abs! [In front of him, a scruffy but cute guy smiles] Guy: I love your abs. [Emmett's shocked, and looks around to see if Guy is talking to someone else.] Guy: I mean you. Ted: [to Emmett] He means you. Guy: You're Emmett, right? Emmett: Right. Guy: You work at Torso, right? Emmett: Right. Guy: Your dentist is Dr. Feldman, right? Emmett: How do you know who my dentist is? Guy: I was in his office last week. I had an appointment right after you. By the way I love the space between your teeth. I'm Beau. Ted: [whispers to Emmett] That's French for 'beautiful.' Emmett: I know. Guy: I always thoughed you coming to the cue. Emmett: You have? Guy: And I was wondering, maybe you like to go out sometimes? Ted: As if you need to ask! Emmett: I'd loved to. Ted: As if he'd say no! Emmett: Only I can't. [Both Beau and Ted's faces fall.] Emmett: I can't. But thanks for asking. Guy: Maybe some other time? [The guy wonders off.] Ted: Are you out of your mind? Guys like us do not turn down guys like him! You have acted like flagrant violation of the entire gay social structure. They're going to vote you out of the brotherhood. Emmett: Let them. I made a promised to God. Remember? That if I tested negative... Ted: ...you're not have sx with another man. I know. But you're fine! Emmett: It doesn't matter. I never want to go through the hell I went through again. And I won't, because someone kept his part of the bargain. Now it's my turn to keep mine. [The Happy Fun House. Melanie's back from work, and Lindsay meets her at the door. The baby's making cranky noises upstairs.] Lindsay: Hey, you're finally come. Sssh, I just put Gus to bed. Mel: It's too late to see him, mmh? Lindsay: Oh, you can see him in the morning. Mel: He is asleep when I leave. Lindsay: Oh, maybe you can leave later, or even take the afternoon off. Mel: The point of my working longer days is so you can stay home. Lindsay: I appreciate how hard you work. Mel: Be nice if you showed it. Lindsay: I though I did. And I'm working too, taking care of our son? Mel: Your son and Brian's. I just pay the bills. Lindsay: Oh, we really gonna go through this again? Mel: Nah, let's pretend everything's fine. Lindsay: I didn't say everything's fine. I don't feel to constently talk about it. Mel: Well, I'm Jewish. And after neo-nazis, there's nothing the Jews fear more than silence. Lindsay: We're not like that. I don't have to need the constantly express everything's what I'm feelin'. Mel: I wish you tried because after that fiasco at Brian's, you've turned off to me physically, emotionally. . . Lindsay: As you would contastrofising turning every little slight into a rejection. Mel: You're never wanna make love. You barely wanna have discussion. Lindsay: Has it ever occured you that I might be tired? Mel. Well, I'm tired, too! I'm tired of trying to get through to you. I figure out what the hell I did wrong. Of wondering why, instead of feeling closer than we've ever been, I've never felt more alone. [Lindsay picks up the laundry basket and walks out of the room.] Mel: Aren't you go to say anything? Lindsay: What would you like for dinner? I can heat up some pot roast. [A pair of red high heels in black stockings walk across the top of the bar, attached to a deep voice hawking Crantini shooters. As the legs pass Brian and Ted, Brian frowns quizzically and peers up and under, trying to determine if it's a girl or a boy. Brian finishing a beautiful sculpture he's making out of cherries, pineapples, plastic toothpicks, and paper umbrellas.] Brian: So, how was work? [All of sudden, it's not Ted in front of him, but Mike.] Michael: Fat Marly had this really incredible hickey, and there was a sale on protein powder, so every queen in the city was there, except for you, of course. [Brian sticks his tongue out at Mike. The camera cuts back to Ted.] Ted: Boring. Work was boring. How about you? Michael: Don't tell me, you took this client to this really fancy restaurant, and there was this really hot waiter, and he signaled for you to meet him in the linen closet, and he gave you this really amazing blowjob. And then you went back to the table, and the client never knew! Brian: How'd you guess? [Back to Ted.] Ted: I asked you about work. Brian: I took a cliebt to lunch and that waiter blew me in the linen closet. Ted: Really? [Back to Fantasy Mikey.] Michael: Liar! You're such a liar! Ted: So have you talked to him? Brian: Who? Ted: Michael. Brian: What for? Ted: Oh, for no other reason than that he's your best friend. Brian: Was my best friend. Ted: Wanna just call him? Brian: I told you, he's out of my life. And I'm out of his. So would you please shut the fck up about it? [A shirtless blond gorgious man standing behind Ted.] Man: Hey, how is it goin'? Brian: I'm not interested. Ted: [to the guy] However, I am available for safe sx and estate planning. [Brian shoots him a sideways glance. The guy pauses for a sec, and then thoughtfully replies. Guy: Actually, I do have some investment questions. Ted: Well, I'll tell you what. You help me diversify my portfolio, I'll help diversify yours. [Brian rolls his eyes.] [David's. David and Mike have just finished getting all of Mike's stuff in the living room.] Michael: That's the last one. David: Are you sure? Michael: Oh, yeah, for the most part. I mean, I'm gonna back and get the rest tomorrow. David: The last?! Yew, you had a lot of stuff. Michael: Yeah, you know when I'm find something that I like I hold on to it. I mean, for keeps. [Dave puts his hands together, closes his eyes, and prays out loud.] David: I hope that applies to me, I hope that applies to me, I hope that applies to me. Michael: Especially to you. So, which should I put it? David: Whatever you want, baby. Michael: I meant my stuff. David: You decide. It's our place, now. [Mike starts looking around for a place to put his classic lunchbox.] David: Why wait until morning? I have plans for us tonight. [They start kissing, because they're going to have sx.] [The Alley behind Woody's. Brian emerges from the building, and finds a few men standing around chatting, hanging out, and waiting for the next big thing to come along. Shortly after Brian lights a cigarette, Ted and the talking guy follow.] Ted: Are you sure you get the way home? Brian: Yeah, I know the way. [Brian looks the other way down the alley, and catches The Look from some guy leaning on wall. Wall Guy nods back further down the alley.] [Cut to Dave and Mike in bed. To no one's surprise, Mike's a bottom. For some reason, the camera pulls back from the bed and focuses on two Captain Astro glasses on the dresser.] [Cut back to Brian and Wall Guy, who have finished their introductions, and creep down another alley off the main alley.] [Cut back to Mike and David having great sx.] [Cut back to Brian and Wall Guy, who's kissing his way down Brian's chest to his crotch. He undoes Brian's pants, and the camera pans to other couples -- oh, wait, there's a threesome -- in the alley with them. The camera pans back to Brian and Wall Guy.] [Cut back to Mike and Dave coming. Cut back to Brian, coming. Cut back to Mike and Dave cuddling.] Michael: I was so lucky. David: Why's that? Michael: Normally about this time, I'd be coming out of Woody's, waiting in the jeep for Brian to finish getting a blow job so I can drive him home. David: And, instead? Michael: Instead I'm here with you. David: I love you, Michael. [Back at Woody's, Brian walks up to his jeep, automatically calling Mike's name. But Michael's not there, so Brian has to be pathetic all by himself.] [The next morning, David walks into the living room and finds Michael wide-awake, chipper, and hanging up classic comic book drawings.] Michael: Hey, sleepy head. David: What are you doin' up so early? Michael: I can't wait to unpack my stuff. So, what do you think? [David looks around at the figurines on the mantle, and at the mannequin wearing an old superhero costume, and is not thrilled.] David: It...it's uh... great. [David walks over to the big mural of Captain Astro over the fireplace.] David: I especially like the... the uh... the putting... what's his name? Michael: Captain Astro. Yeah, I wasn't sure how you feel about that. David: That's a real whimsical touch. Michael: I don't know where I'm go to put my toy robots. David: I'm sure you'll find the perfect place. No, c'mon, let's go back to bed. Michael: Bed? Some of us have to work. David: It's saturday. Michael: The Big Q never closes. David: I was kind hope we could go back and watch the game. Michael: Well, I'll never been into watching the game or Saturdays. David: You have something against Satudays? Michael: Well, that was the day that all the kids did stuff with their dads, and I didn't have one, so I kind of dreaded Saturdays. David: Well, I can promise you only happy Saturdays from now on. [Cleaning Day at The Happy Fun House, which shall now be known as the Happiest Funnest House, as Lindsay shines the dining room table. Melanie, vacuuming in the living room.] Lindsay: Another therapist? Mel: Well, with that attitude we'll certainly get a lot accomplished. Lindsay: But you're the one who's got a problem. Mel: And you don't? Lindsay: Only the one that you're creating. Mel: Oh Christ! Am I living in this house alone? Lindsay: Maybe you'd be happier if you were. [The doorbell rings, and Melanie turns off the vacuum and answers it. It's Brian.] Brian: Meet my latest trick. [The camera zooms down to his crotch, where he's holding a teddy bear dressed up in a leather biker outfit.] Mel: I didn't know you were into bears. I thought you preferred the young, hairless, not-admitted- without-a-parent-or-guardian type. Brian: Where's my son? Mel: Our son is taking a nap. Brian: Oh, I though I drop by for dinner. Mel: It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon. [Brian flops on the couch.] Brian: Then I'll just hang out. Lindsay: Since when do you hang out with the likes of us? Mel: Since Michael's no longer in the picture. Brian: It's just as well. Mikey and I have been holding onto each other for too long. I mean, when you think about it, what do we even have in common? Mel: Your lives? Brian: Aside from that. Anyway he worked out for the best. Thanks to my divine invention he's with the good doctor now where he belongs. Lindsay: Look, I guess it's not too late. Brian: For what? Lindsay: To fix things. Brian: Some things better left broken. So, what do you say we play a little game of scrabble? [The Back of the Big Q Mart. A bunch of Q Martyrs are on break, and Marly reads an email she printed out.] Marly: I got these from the internet. Wait until you hear it. 'Ten ways to know if your husband's gay'. [Mike walks up just as she's getting started, and exchanges a look with Tracy, who's the only other one not laughing.] Marly: "After wedding he kisses the best man instead of you". Number two, "For your birthday he brings you flowers and arranges them." Number three... [to Tracy] What's the matter? You're not laughing. Tracy: I think it's not funny, that's all. Marly: Well, I think it's a scream, don't you Mike? Michael: Uh, I wasn't really listening. [Mike's also having trouble meeting Tracy's eyes.] Tracy: [to Marly] You're entitled to think whatever you want, but so am I. And what I think is that people who laugh and jokes that make fun about other people, whoever they are, are ignorant and cruel. Marly: What's your problem? [Mike rushes inside. Tracy runs after him.] Tracy: Mr.Novotny? Michael: Yes, Tracy. Tracy: I wanna give you something. Michael: What? Tracy: Two weeks notice. I got a job in the Big Dollar Mart. I should really get back, my break's are over. [Woody's. Brian's trying to play pool, but he keeps getting interrupted by guys trying to pick him up. Ted, all happy and newly laid, approaches Brian with a big smile on his face.] Ted: Brian, hey. How's goin'? Brian: What do you want? Ted: To tell you what a great time we had last night. Brian: I was bored out of my fcking mind! Ted: Yeah, well, that's the sign of true friendship, that it can accommodate vastly divergent points of view. [Another trick checks out Brian.] Brian: I'm not interested. Ted: You know just curiousity - how many guys hit on you a night? Brian: Give or take, a hundred and twelve. Ted: Amazing. And I only need one. [Another man checks out Brian.] Brian: I'm not interested. Ted: Excuse me. Tax season's coming up and uh, you don't want to get caught with your pants down. [In another corner of the bar, Emmett sits at a table, drinking alone. A young man in a yellow windbreaker slides up next to him.] Matt: I'm Matt. Emmett: Of course you are. You're always Matt. Or Scott. Or Todd. Or some other wonderful one-syllable name. Matt: I offer to buy you a drink but something tells me you don't need another. Emmett: Something tells me... you might be right. Now if you excuse me. I'm gonna go home. It's always nicer to vomit in your own toilet. [Then he almost falls off his stool. Shiny Matt offers to help him, and Emmett accepts gratefully. Outside, in the daylight.] Matt: Maybe you need re-evaluating your life. Wondering if there's something better. Emmett: Yeah. Yeah, that's it exactly. How did you know? Matt: Because I've seen the light. And seen how miserable you looked at the bar, I thought maybe you needed to see it, too. [He hands Emmett a pamphlet.] Emmett: What's this? Matt: The group I belong to. Emmett: I don't do very well in groups. I got thrown out of cub scouts first week. I made a fabulous necklace out of slip knots. Matt: Everyone's welcome in our groups. And it's all people like us. Emmett: Like us? Matt: People who questioning. Evaluating. Why are you come to our meetings? All you've got to lose is your pain. [At the Liberty Diner that evening, Justin buses many tables, then sits down at a booth with Daphne, who's doing her homework. She notes that he gets tipped very well, and Justin, wearing a t-shirt that says, "Too busy to fcuk"] Daphne: You made a lot of tips. Justin: That's because I'm cute. Daphne: And conceited. Justin: I could fck practically anyone I wanted. Daphne: So why don't you? [Brian walks in on cue. Daphne rolls her eyes.] Daphne: Never mind. The answer just walked in the door. [Brian stalks up to Justin.] Brian: Hey, how's goin'? Justin: Why you actically want to know? Brian: Well, I ask, didn't I? Justin: Everything's fine. Brian: Good. What are you doin' tonight? Justin: Huh? Brian: Is these a particuarly hard questions? Do you wanna come over after work? Justin: Really? Sure. Brian: I want a turky sandwhich and ole gray, to go. [Brian sits down at the bar.] Justin: Do you realise that was the first time he ever ask me to come over? Daphne: So, what do you think it means? [Mike walks in on cue. Justin deflates some.] Justin: It means he misses Michael. [Michael and Brian see each other, and then pretend they didn't.] Daphne: Are those guys really never talked to each other again? Justin: It looks that way. Daphne: Why you talked to him? Justin: Me? Daphne: I thought you loved Brian, and you're staying in Michael's bedroom, which makes you, like, the missing link. Go on! [Justin gets up and walks to the bar.] Michael: Hey boy wonder. A couple of lemon squares to go. Justin: Sure. [Mike and Brian ignore each other some more. While making up their orders, Justin asks Brian.] Justin: Don't you wanna talked to him? Brian: What for? Justin: He's right there. Brian: Stay the fck out of it! [Justin goes to Michael and give him the box.] Justin: You guys should talk. Michael: You're mind your own business. Justin: But he's your best friend. Brian: Hey, where is my order? [Justin then runs over and hands Brian his box of food. Mike opens up his box and discovers a sandwich. Brian opens up his and discovers lemon squares.] Michael: This is a turkey sandwich! Brian: These are lemon squares. [SCENE_BREAK] [Dave's. Mike opens the door.] Michael: Honey, I'm home! I've always wanted to say that. [David greets him in the living room with a kiss.] David: And honey, you really are home. Michael: I picked these up for dessert. How was the... game? [The living room is now noticeably devoid of everything Mike put up earlier.] David: Pittsburgh lost in overtime. Michael: Place looks different. David: Yeah. I put a few things away. Michael: Yeah. Like, all my stuff. David: Oh it was a little bit cluttered. How was your day? Michael: My day? My day was compelling. We had a new handycap ramp and fat Marly reveal us with their fag jokes. David: What did you do? Michael: I told her I was an out and proud homosexual, and if she didn't like it, she could suck my dick. [David laughs] I didn't do anything. Tracy did. She stood right up to her. David: Good, so she's still your friend. Michael: I didn't say that. David: Hey think what Brian did. It made you realize that you belong here with me. Take out your jacket. We're ready for dinner. [Mike opens the hall closet door and finds the Astro Mural behind the coats.] [Brian's. Brian's naked in a chair while Justin, straddling him, feeds him ice cream. Justin drips some ice cream on Brian's chest and licks it off, and the two start making out.] Justin: One spoon left. You want it? Brian: No, it mean ten more minutes on the stair master. Justin: C'mon, I wanna see it if you lick of the spoon. You should eat more, though. My mom says that you're too skinny. Brian: Your mom? Justin: She doesn't completely hate you, you know? I told her that you were always skinny, though, even in high school. Brian: You don't know how I look at high school. Justin: I live in Michael's old room, remember? With all those old yearbook. Pictures of you. You're a geek. Brian: I was never a geek. Justin: Then explain me the chemistry club? Brian: That's where I learned to build the bomb to blow up the school. But Mikey talked me out of it. Justin: Good thing he was around. I bet you wish he was here right now. Brian: Would you shut the fck up about him? [Justin gets up to get dressed.] Justin: I bet you're secretly wishing that the phone would ring, and it would be him. Brian: I said shut the fck up! His life was just going to hang there like some shirt in a closet that you never wear. Justin: So, you pushed him away. Brian: It was the only curse of action. Justin: Yeah, but now he hates you. Brian: It's okay. As long as Mikey's happy. Justin: God. You must really love him. Brian: I think it's time for you to go. Justin: It always is. Luckily, you can't push me away. I'm on to you. [At the community center or church or whatever, Emmett stands on a balcony, watching the hustle and bustle of the "See the Light" group below.] Matt: Emmett, you came! It's good to see you. [On the main floor, a man who looks like Pat's blonder, uh, sibling, starts the meeting by saying, in the thickest lisp known to mankind.] Ty: Hi, my name is Ty, and I've Seen the Light. Group: Hi, Ty. Ty: Our first speaker tonight is Ginger and she was formaly in the dark, but now, she's seen the light. [A butch woman in a loose tie-dye top and pants stands up and says in a deep voice] Ginger: Believe it or not, I used to be a lesbian -- Emmett: [whispers to Matt] Used to be? Ginger: But thanks to Ty and every beautiful person here, I shed my former corrupt self, and become the new purified heterosexual me. [The group claps Ty throws an arm around her shoulder] Ty: As you can see, the only thing that comes out here is the truth. Emmett: [whispers to Matt] You didn't tell me this was a comedy club. Ty: I can tell you, and Ginger can tell you, that what you're hoping and praying for is not an impossible dream. It can come true for you the same way it came true for us! You can change, you can change, you can change! Emmett: [loud enough that all can hear it] I'd start with those shoes. [Ty and Ginger automatically look down at their feet.] Ty: You. Emmett: Uh, me? Ty: You've got your doubts, don't ya? Well, let me ask you a few questions. Do you and your friends obsess about your bodies and the bodies of other men? [Emmett flashes back to Ted and Mike watching this Muscled Wonder work out at the gym.] Ted: Check out his pecs! Michael: They're, like, perfect. Brian: They're, like, implants. [Cut back to Ty.] Ty: Do your conversations center around trivialities, such as movie stars? [Flash back to Mike, Ted, and Brian] Michael: Did you hear that Cher had her pussy tightened? Ted: Where did you read that, The Enquirer, or Popular Mechanics? [Cut back to Ty] Ty: Are your days and nights spent in gyms and bars, going home with men whose names you don't even know? [Cut back to Mike, Ted, and Brian at the bar] Ted: And he's coming, and he keeps yelling, 'Fred, oh, Fred!' Michael: Fred? Who's Fred? [Cut back to Emmett, who's looking a little uncomfortable. Ty continues, looking straight at him.] Ty: So, maybe you should ask yourself, 'Is this the life I want for me? Is the life God wants for me?' Is there a better life? [David's. He and Mike are getting ready for bed.] David: You're looking for something? Michael: Yeah, my beach ball alarm clock. David: This clock is from the Museum of Modern Art Design Collection. Michael: I thought you said that this was my place, too. David: It is. Michael: Then how come I don't see any of my things? David: Michael, uh, you know, your things? The toys they're cute. They're cute, like you. But you know, they, they sort of don't belong. Let me explain by saying this is an architectural house. Everything has its place, so if you clutter it up, it ruins the aesthetic. Michael: Oh, so I'm cluttering it up. David: No. I didn't mean it that way. Michael: Their not just toys. Some of those toys are collector's items! Like my Japanese robots? Or my Bakelite Batmobile? Those were made during World War II, when metal was scarce! And, even if they were worthless, they would still be worth something to me, because I love them. I kind of thought you knew that. [The Happiest Funnest House in the Whole World. Melanie opens the door for Ted, who's out of breath.] Ted: I... I just got... you phone... call...I ran over here... so what is the emergency. [Melanie points back to the living room, where Brian's playing with the baby as Lindsay watches.] Mel: Him! He's here every day, showing up for meals, and all of a sudden we're one big happy fcking family! [Cut to Brian, who's playing with Gus and the Leather Bear] Brian: I don't know, I sense some tension between you and Mel. Lindsay: Well, she blames me for everything. Including you. You should have kept your promise to give her Gus. Brian: If she wants a kid, she can have one of her own. Lindsay: No, she can't. Gus was supposed to be hers and mine. Not yours and mine. [At the door] Ted: But Lindsay's always complaining that he never spend enough time with Gus. Mel: You're a big help. Can you do something? Ted: Like what? Mel: Bring him and Michael together, so that he leave us alone! Ted: Are you kidding? You even mention Michael's name, and he'll tear your head off. Mel: Yeah, well that's what I'm about to do to him. [Back in the living room.] Lindsay: She also thinks that I've turned into this cold, unresponsive bitch. Brian: Have you? Lindsay: [smiles tightly] Maybe a little. Brian: Well, then maybe you should find yourself some nice fuzzy lezzie with a therapist's license, and work it out. Lindsay: That's what Mel wants. Brian: What do you want? Lindsay: I want... I... I want a bagel. After that? I don't know. All I know is that if I talk, I might say something I regret. Brian: Maybe good for you. Let out some of those nasty demons. Lindsay: But I'm not like that. Oh, but I'm a WASP, from a family of WASPs. [Back at the door.] Ted: I tell you what. I'll take him to the tea dancer in Woodys. Mel: Great idea. Thanks Teddy. Ted: I don't really do it for you, you know? Hanging with Brian? Best thing that's ever happened to my sx life. [At the Big Q, Tracy walks out of the store for the last time. She passes Marly] Tracy: See ya, Marly. Marly: Bye, Tracy. [Then she passes Mike] Tracy: Goodbye, Mr. Novotny. [Tracy's already outside when Mike catches up with her.] Michael: Tracy! Tracy: Yes, Mr. Novotny? Michael: Would you stop calling me this, please? Tracy: What should I say to you? Michael: Well, I'm sure you could think of a few things. Tracy: I have to go. Michael: You don't have to leave your job. Tracy: Is there something wrong with the Big Dollar Mart? Michael: Well, it's not exactly the Big Q. Tracy: No, but at least people seem honest there. You probably think this is about you being gay, don't you? Well, I admit, it might have been at first, but that's not the point anymore. Whether you're gay or you're straight, I thought we were friends. Michael: We are... Tracy: Well, friends trust each other. What did you think would happen if you told me, that I'd tell everyone at the store? I wouldn't have, Mikey. Don't you know that? Michael: I should have...But when you spend your entire life keeping it a secret... you learn to stop trusting people, and it becomes second nature. It kills me that I hurt you, Tracy, I'd do anything to take that back. I know I don't deserved to ask this, but do you think we can still friends? Tracy: Do you think we could be friends? Michael: Well, we could have a cup of Q coffee and find out. Tracy: I'd like that, but I really have to go. I have a date. Michael: Is he straight? [They laugh.] [The Happiest Funnest House Ever Built. Melanie lies on the couch, playing with Gus. Lindsay's moved to a lounge chair, and she's drawing a sketch of the two of them.] Mel: Well at least now we have the house to ourself, alone. By the way, Janet and that dickhead husband of hers? They finally sent us a card congratulating us on Gus's birth. Only took three months. Lindsay: You expect too much, Mel. Mel: What? Lindsay: I said, you expect too much. Mel: That my sister would at least acknowledge the birth of our son? Lindsay: Of me. You want all my time, all my devotion, and if you don't get it, you think we have a problem. You get angry that I see the baby more than you do. You blame me because Brian wouldn't give you parental rights. I suppose it's even my fault that I can have a child and you can't! Mel: Hey, that's not fair. Lindsay: I feel like I spend half of my life apologizing to you, trying to convince you that I love you. Only nothing's ever enough! I'm starting to wonder if anything ever could be. [Lindsay walks out of the room, and Melanie sighs, holding the baby closer.] Mel: Well, I asked you to talk and you did. [And then she breaks down and starts to cry.] [Back at the gym, Emmett glumly surveys all the mostly naked men in the locker room. It's shot like a time-lapse film, so everyone else is moving really fast, and he's not moving at all. So, Ted walks into the gym with his shirt unbuttoned.] Ted: I tell ya, hanging out with Brian is exhausting but it's worth it for the sx. Emmett: You're having sx with Brian? Ted: Of course not. We have symbiosis. Emmett: Oh, my god! Is there anything they can do? You mustn't give up hope. Ted: It's not a disease. It's a perfect relationship -- like the yellow tickbird and the Rhinoceros. The yellow tickbird feeds on the rhinoceros's skin, and in turn the yellow tickbird warns the rhino of impending danger when the tickbird flies away. Similarly, I supply Brian with an object of ridicule, namely myself, and he supplies me with unwanted ticks, uh, tricks. Emmett: You're doing this for castoffs? Ted: In bed, you can't tell. They're as good as new. Emmett: Ted, have you ever asked yourself if going to tea-dances with Brian and having indiscriminate sx with total strangers is really the life I want? Ted: I have. And the answer is, you bet your ass it is. Emmett: Have you ever wondered yourself, 'Is this the life God wants for me?' Ted: No. I suppose in his infinite wisdom, he decided that someone had to live in Pittsburgh. Emmett: Have you ever wondered 'Is there a better life?' Ted: Yeah, I could have a ten-inch dick and look like him. [Comic book shop. Justin walks in, and there's Mike, reading something he found in the bins.] Justin: Hi. Michael: What do you doin' here? Justin: Looking for you. Michael: How did you find me? Justin: First I ask your mom, then I called David... Michael: Is there anyone you didn't ask? Justin: ...then I ask Brian. Michael: What did you do that for? Look, just butt out. I told you before this is none of your business. Justin: Yeah, he said that whenever you feel sad or upset, this is where you come. That just being around all these comics brings the light into your eyes. Michael: He said that? Justin: Yeah, I guess he knows you pretty well. Michael: Well, he doesn't know me anymore. Justin: Yeah. That's why he got you this. [And he pulls out the comic Brian got him for his birthday.] Michael: I told him already I don't want his crummy present. Justin: Wait! He misses you. He's miserable without you. Michael: Good, he deserves to be. Justin: He loves you. He'll never admit it, but he does. Michael: Brian doesn't love anyone. He doesn't believe in love, remember? Justin: You're the exception. That's why he hurt you, so you'd go back with David. He knew if he didn't, you'd be waiting for him forever. Michael: That's bullshit. Justin: This was his way of saying goodbye. [The Cult.] Ty: We've got some new friends to meet tonight, whose dark world is about to be illuminated. And afterwards, I'd like for us all to gather into the foyer, and have some incredible brownies baked by my incredible wife. So, let's get start it. Don: Hi, I'm Don. Group: Hi Don. Don: How I got here is a long story but it doesn't important, because I'm here. I've seen the light. [Everyone claps. Emmett stands up.] Emmett: Hi, I'm Emmett. Groups: Hi Emmett. Emmett: I just want to say that [camera zooms in] I want to see the light, too. [As they clap for him, Emmett smiles wanly.] [Babylon! Brian's sitting at the edge of one of the stages, watching the debauchery unfold around him. Most of the HDGBs are holding these big collapsing sphere toys as props. All of a sudden, Mike walks up to him, smiling. Brian gets up, and turning his back on Michael] Brian: What are you doing here? You're married now. Michael: I guess I still look. Brian: Yeah, well, what's the good of looking if you can't touch? Want a beer? Michael: How many did you have? Brian: A few. Michael: Too many. Brian: Keep track of the doctor, not me. Michael: I never thanked you for my gift... Brian: Your gift? Michael: Your ward tracked me down and insist it that I take it. Brian: Yeah, well, I'll have to punish him severely. Michael: It was the coolest thing I ever had. Brian: I thoughed so. Michael: You wanna dance? It's weird not talking to you. Brian: I never thoughed about that. Michael: I heard you were freaking out. Brian: Yeah, who told you that? Michael: Everybody - Ted, Lindsay,... Brian: Well, they're all pathological liars, I wouldn't trust them. Michael: You are so busted! Brian: So how is the Happy Couple? Michael: Are you really interested? Brian: Not in the slightest. Michael: It's gonna be fine. Except that he doesn't know that Superman dies in The Crisis on Infinite Earth or that Batgirl is now crippled and in a wheelchair after being raped by the Joker, or... Brian: Or that for one special day in 1970, Astro Man became Astro Woman. Michael: Exactly. Brian: You are so pathetic. [A pair of red high-heels kicks one of the collapsible spheres over to Michael, and Brian grabs it, and puts it over both of their heads.] Brian: Give him time, he'll learn. [David's. David's on the couch reading a comic book as Mike walks in. Mike stops at the door and looks around -- David's unpacked all of his toys and collectibles and made them fit into the living room, like they actually belong there.] Michael: Hey. David: Hey. I feel like I haven't you seen all weekend. Michael: You haven't. David: In fact, I think I saw you more when you didn't live here. Michael: I noticed you have been doin' a little re-decoration. David: Well, I thought the place needed a little warmth, a little charm, a little whimsy. A little you. Michael: I would say we could put some stuff away. David: You know, you're movin' in was a big change for me, too. I saw your stuff and I suddenly realized that I was 'we' again. That my life was now 'our' life. It kind of freaked me out. Michael: Well, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one scared shitless. David: You know I've been reading your comics. Michael: Oh yeah? David: I hope you don't mind. I never really had a chance to do that when I was a kid. My parent was pretty strict. Michael: You probably had to read Tolstoy and stuff like that. David: Actually, they're kind of fun. Did you know that for one special day in 1970, Captain Astro became Astro Woman? [Mike grabs him and kisses him, and David throws him down on the couch hard enough to start one of Mike's mechanical monkeys clapping its cymbals.]	Plan: A: their new-found domestic bliss; Q: What do Michael and Dr. David enjoy? A: Emmett; Q: Who joins a "conversion therapy" group? A: Lindsay; Q: Who and Melanie continue to fight about Brian? A: Ted; Q: Who becomes very sexually active? Summary: Michael and Dr. David enjoy their new-found domestic bliss; Emmett joins a "conversion therapy" group; Lindsay and Melanie continue to fight about Brian, finances and their future; Ted becomes very sexually active.
Michael: [breathing heavy over intercom, starts laughing] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: This morning the phone guy comes in, and he shows Michael that the phones have a PA function. And then he just left. Michael: [over PA] This is your captain speaking, the office will be flying at an altitude of two stories. Look out your left hand window and you will see Vance Refrigeration. [snickering] I am the ghost of salesman past, do not come near me. [wheezing laughing, starts coughing] Yes Michael Scott for Dr. Jocelyn, please. Hello doctor I was just following up on my mole again. No, I was looking online about sebaceous cysts. I have not been squeezing it. Jim: [disgusted groan] Michael: Could I stick it with a pin? Pam: Ugh. Michael: [still talking over PA] Toby Flenderson to the principal's office. Your mother called, and it appears that you wet the bed again. So you have to get home to wash your sheets [Jim stands up, puts scissors in back pocket] because they are yellow and they're wet with your urine. Jim: [sighs and knocks on Michaels door] Michael: You, and at six foot six, from the University of North Carolina, Jiiiiim Halpeeeeert. Jim: That's pretty funny. Hey you know what? Did I drop my, uh... Michael: What? Jim: What the heck? Is that, uh... [bends down, cuts phone cords with scissors] Michael: You find it? Jim: I didn't, I'll look somewhere else. Michael: All right. Jim: All right. Michael: Would you like fries with that? Please drive around. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [knocks on Pam's hotel door] Hello, good morning. Pam: Good morning. Michael: You ready? And we're off, like a herd of turtles. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Well, Pam and I have eloped. Actually we just robbed a bank, and we are on the lam. [laughs] No, uh, seriously, I am on a lecture circuit. Apparently Scranton has the best sales of any regional branch. So David Wallace has asked me to go to all the branches, except Nashua, still a little bit raw there. Um, but I am going to these branches and sharing my secret recipe for success. My 11 business herbs and spices, in a sales batter. [looks at Pam] Oh that, well, that is Pam. Pam is coming along as my assistant and my driver so I can focus. And I like to pack heavy. Pam: He brought a sled. Michael: No! That is a toboggan, you never know when you're gonna find a snowy hill so... Every magician has a hot assistant, and every rock star has a roadie, and Pam is my hot roadie. Pam: Yeah. I love being on the road, but I especially love the time and a half pay 24 hours a day, for three days. Cause I have a mortgage now, got a bring home the bucks. Michael: Yeah, oh don't say bucks, it's not lady like. Here we go! [gets in backseat] Okay so what we do is drive all day and we stay in hotels together at night. Pam: Separate rooms. Michael: Well that goes without saying. Pam: I'm going to say it anyway. Michael: Hey! Look at what you're wearing again, Pam. Have you ever seen a magician's assistant? That's... Pam: This is a new cardigan. Michael: ...kind of [retches] Maybe you could tie it around your waist or lose the shirt underneath or something. Pam: No. Michael: No. Oh, all right. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [front door slams, Kelly walks by] Hey, Kelly. Kelly: Screw you. Dwight: Excuse me, that is no way to address a superior. Kelly: Oh yeah? Screw you too. Jim: Whoa! What was that all about. Phyllis: You forgot her birthday, it was yesterday. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Jim and Dwight sitting next to each other in talking head interview] Go ahead. Dwight: Go ahead, you do it. Jim: Okay. Dwight: I insist. Jim: Basically after Phyllis blackmailed Angela, Michael asked them to both step down from the party planning committee cause there was too much drama. Dwight: What he said was... [puts finger toward Jim's face] Jim: [pushes Dwight's finger away] Just, easy. Dwight: ...there was a problem with having one head of the party planning committee. She becomes too powerful, so he appointed two heads. Jim: Party planning is literally the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life. Dwight: [at the same time as Jim] I am a paper salesman, this is humiliating. [shoves Jim's arm away] That's on my side. Jim: So this is fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: My birthday was yesterday, and everybody forgot. I got really dressed up and excited, and no one said a word. There wasn't even a party. I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Can I turn on the radio? Michael: No. I need silence or Sam Kinison to prepare. Pam: But then you fall asleep and there's nothing for me to do. Michael: Then listen to your iPod, Pam. Pam: That's dangerous. Michael: Well then... hey you know what then let's just talk. Pam: That's okay I can... I'm fine. I'll just play a song in my head. Michael: You nervous about seeing Karen again, since she was the other woman? Actually you were the other woman so... Pam: No, that was a long time ago. Michael: Is that why your wearing makeup today? Pam: No, I'm not even wearing that much. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me, and she still hates me, so... [SCENE_BREAK] Julia: Oh, this is a nice office. Stanley: [laughs] You don't have to lie. Through here. Andy: Um Phyllis, who's that? Phyllis: She's out of your league Andy. Andy: For your information, I have been with lots of beautiful women. Phyllis: Sexually? Andy: This conversation is over. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I am single now. What we have here, is the ultimate smackdown between the Nard-Dog and crippling despair, loneliness, and depression. I intend to win. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: We just wanted to say we are very sorry. Kelly: Screw you guys. You're dead to me. Dwight: If you say screw you one more time... Kelly: Yeah, screw you, beefer, I don't forget your birthday, I would never do that. Dwight: Hey, HEY. Jim: [while Dwight and Kelly are arguing] Guys guys guys guys guys guys. We just want to make it up to you. What can we do? Kelly: I guess my only wish, would be that nothing so terrible would ever happen to anyone else ever again. Dwight: Oh God. Jim: Okay. Kelly: In a way, it's good that it happened to me, because at least I can bear it. Dwight: What kind of cake do you want imbecile. Kelly: Ice Cream. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [taking Michael's picture] Okay, uh, point at the Dunder Mifflin. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello, Rolando, how are you? Rolando: Hi. Michael: Rolando, [clears throat] I'd like you to meet Pam. She is our receptionist. You know what? Maybe you guys could go out on a little friend date sometime. Rolando: [sarcastically chuckles] Uh, your late, everyone's already in the conference room. Karen will be right here to take you over. Michael: Okay, don't be nervous, just picture her naked. Pam: Stop it, please. Michael: That's what I do, steal my trick. Pam: Please cut it out. Karen: Hey. Hi, guys. Michael: [notices Karen's pregnant] Oh my God. Is that Jim's? Karen: What! Pam: Michael! Karen: Of course not! Michael: Okay. Wow. Oh man! My head just exploded. Whoo! Thank God, for everybody right? Whoo kay. Wow, you're huge! That's incredible! I... God sorry, sorry my head is... I'm just, I'm trying to figure out the last time that you and Jim had s*x, and... Karen: Let's just get this over with, shall we? Michael: Okay, Mm Hmm. Ten, ten months? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [partially blown up balloons on table and hanging from streamers] Are you kidding? Dwight: Well, I'm not done yet. Jim: Dwight. This, [picks up balloon] fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown 'em up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons? Dwight: They match the carpet Jim: What is that? [looks at sign that says "IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY."] It is your birthday period. Dwight: It's a statement of fact. Jim: Not even an exclamation point? Dwight: This is more professional. It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer. Jim: I can't believe how bad this looks. Dwight: Are you trying to hurt my feeling? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's. Jim: Okay, good then. Dwight: Have you collected the money from everyone? Jim: I am working on it. Dwight: How much do you have? Jim: Six dollars. Dwight: [yelling] That's how much you and I contributed! I... Damn it Jim! Jim: I said I was working on it. Dwight: [sighs] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [looking into Julia's car] Trying to see what CD's she got. It's good to know the deets about the girl you're wooing. Eh, Aha! Fiest. Yes! [bangs on car and alarm goes off] Whoa! Aah, Aah! [backs up and runs into another car starting another alarm] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on cell phone] NO! Oh, my God. Oh, No. That is so awful. That is the worst news. I have to go. I have to do a presentation. I'll talk to you... [hangs up phone, sighs] This is going to be hard for me to speak today. Because I just learned that my father has died. ... No, he didn't! He is alive. And this isn't even a cell phone. This is a calculator. But you bought it! And now you can't return it. Or can you? No you can't. [Karen raises her hand] Yes. Karen, do you need to go pump? Karen: Not gonna have to do that, till after I have the baby. No, I am wondering. What are you talking about? Michael: I am talking about, how you all need to sell an experience. Like I sold you on the idea that my father had died. Karen: But now we think you're a liar. Michael: Would a liar bring mini Mounds bars? [Pam tosses a handful of Mounds bars at everyone] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I am a theatrical person. Growing up, I always thought I would become an actor. Because I have, these memorization tricks that I use. Um, for instance, I learned the Pledge of Allegiance by setting it to the tune of Old MacDonald. [starts singing] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God. With a woof-woof here, and a woof-woof there. Here a woof, there a woof. Everywhere a woof, woof. Um, you get it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I don't know you. But I need to know you in order to sell to you. That is why I have asked you to go around and tell me you names. I have an amazing mnemonic device, by which I have memorized all of your names. Shirty, mole, lazy eye, Mexico, baldy, sugar boobs, black woman. I have taken a unique part of who you are, and I have used that to memorize your name. Baldy, your head is bald. It is hairless. It is shiny, it is reflective like a mirror. "M" your name is Mark. Mark: Yes. Michael: Got it. It works. Karen: Uh, it's very insulting. Michael: But it works. I would like you all to give this a shot. What do you say? Mark: But we already know each other's names. Michael: Well, then it will be easier for you. But I, I still think it's worthwhile, to give a, give it a try. Karen: Okay. All right everyone, meeting's over. Michael: Oh, I still have more. Karen: Can I please see you in my office, please? Michael: She is pregnant. She is knocked up. "K" Karen. Pam, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] Julia: I can't accept these prices, Stanley. They just cut our budget. Andy: Brought you guys some coffees. Stanley, I know you have adult onset diabetes. So I put Splenda in yours. Let's see. How many did I put in there? [starts singing to the tune of Feist's 1234] One, Two, Three, Four Splenda's in your coffee, Stanley. None in yours, Julia, cause I don't know how you take it. But if you'd rather... Stanley: Four Splenda. Are you crazy? Andy: Well, No, I actually only put in two. But that's not how the songs goes. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: Are you out of your damn mind? Andy: Are you out of your damn mind? You bring an angel like that into this office, and you don't even set me up with her. Stanley: We're not friends. I didn't think about it. Andy: We are friends. Stanley, we're friends. And you let me down. Stanley: You really like her, huh? Andy: Yeah. I really like her with all my heart. Stanley: [thinks for a moment] Give me two clients for her. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I grab this [grabs a chain saw], and I turn it on and I say, "Prepare yourself, for the Utica chain store massacre." Karen: No that's, that is incredibly dangerous. Michael: No, don't worry, the chain is off. Pam: No it's not. Karen: You know, I think I'm just gonna distill all this, and send it in an email to my team. Michael: Email's not scary. This is an opportunity. Don't, don't blow it. Pam: So when are you due? Karen: Uh, in about a month. Pam: Wow, that is wonderful, congratulations. Karen: Thank you. It just all happened so fast. Michael: It's really amazing. Congratulations Karen. So is there a guy or, uh, a person. Or, uh, a sperm machine that did this to you, or? Karen: Yes, Michael. My husband impregnated me. Michael: Oh, great. Karen: His name is Dan, uh, this is us. So dorky. Pam: Oh, he's cute. Karen: Yeah, he's so cute. He's a dermatologist. We met a bar. Can you believe that? Pam: What is happening there? [points at picture] Karen: Oh, yeah. Don't even. That's really dorky. Pam: It's really sweet. Michael: No, it's really dorky. You were right the first time. Karen: So, how are things in Scranton? How's Jim? Pam: Uh, they're good. Uh, Jim's good. We're engaged. Karen: That's so great. That's great. Pam: Thank you. Karen: Oh, my God. I'm so happy for you. [hugs pam] Michael: Old hatreds dissolve into new friendships. It's a really wonderful moment. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: I have to take care of a couple things. So Andy will be taking over things here. You're in good hands, and give my best to your mother. Andy: So Julia, um, let's see. With regards to, uh, billing. Should we send bills to you, or to your boyfriend's house or? Julia: No, it could go straight to our business address. Andy: Oh Okay, all right. That makes sense. How does your boyfriend, deal with your phenomenal success? Is he just, like, totally threatened by you, or? Julia: Actually, I, I don't have a boyfriend. Andy: [stammers] Really? Is that... wow, that's so weird. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Guys, stop everything. I'm about to ask out this girl, and I'm completely panicking. Oscar: [quietly] Oh, my desk is over... [quickly walks away] Creed: This gal, she's really into you? Andy: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've seen her, like, three times today. And we love all the same music, and whenever I walk into a room, she totally looks up. Creed: All right, all right. Say no more. So, this is how I got squeaky fromme. No small talk. Just show her who's the boss. Just go right in and kiss her. Andy: Okay, it sounds risky. Creed: Have I ever steered you wrong, Jim? Andy: Wait, what? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I would give that lecture a solid B+. Although, for the record, Karen. Wow, kind of mean. Pam: I like her. Michael: Really? No, honestly. Tell me what you really think. Pam: I'm serious. Um, I'm really glad I came. Michael: Why? Pam: Because, um, cause I'll never wonder ever again. If I did something wrong and... Now I have closure. She's happy and, I don't know, it feels good. [SCENE_BREAK] Julia: Thanks for walking me out. Andy: Oh, my pleasure. Yeah, there's all kinds of weirdo's out here, so... Julia: You must be freezing. Andy: I am about to die. [laughs] Will you wait here while I go get my jacket? Julia: Oh, no, it's okay. This is my car. Andy: Okay, Okay. Well listen, you're a new client, and as one of my new clients, you will always be taken care of. And that is the Nard-Dog guarantee. Julia: What's a "Nard-Dog"? Andy: [points to self] This is the Nard-Dog. Julia: [Andy leans in to kiss her] Whoa. What the hell? Andy: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh I, I thought we had this energy. And I'm a mess. And I just had my heart broken. And you came in today and your so pretty. You're, like, incredibly pretty. Julia: I just got out of a relationship too. It's really hard. Andy: Yeah, right? Wow. Yeah. Do you want to talk about it? Go to a mall of something? Just walk around? Julia: No, I, I don't think so. Andy: Sure, yeah that's... your right. It's too soon for... definitely too soon for me. So I'm glad we go that out of the way. I'm gonna be in touch with you. In three months. I'm gonna call you about that order. And maybe about that mall walk. Julia: [chuckles] Okay. Andy: Take care Julia. Julia: Thank you. Andy: [as Julia is pulling out] Sorry I tried to kiss y... [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: We lost the account. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [struggling to blow up a balloon as his desk phone rings] Damn it! [answers phone] Dwight Schrute. Jim: [over the phone] How old's Kelly? Dwight: Who is this? Jim: It's Mose. Who do you think it is? Dwight: Mose doesn't know how to use a phone. So joke's on you. Jim: Look, I'm at the supermarket, and they only have numbered candles. How old is she? Dwight: Uh, 24. 37. Jim: Do you think I'm calling you for your best approximation? Dwight: [sighs] I'll call you back. [goes to a filling cabinet takes out a file and looks around] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I have here Kelly Kapoor's personal and confidental file. Allow me to share. [opens file] "Kelly Kapoor spent April 1995 to December 1996 at Berks County Youth Center." Juvie. "According to past employers, it in no way affects her job perfor..." Blah, Blah, Blah. [closes file] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Are you asleep? Michael: No. I'm just thinking about what you said, about Karen, about closure. You remember Holly? She used to work for H.R.? Pam: No, remind me. Michael: Blonde hair, nice boobs. Not too big, not too small. Pam: Perfect boobs, [gives a look at the camera] of course I remember Holly. Michael: She was the love of my life. What you and Jim have times 100. Just she... she just left. And I didn't... I never got closure, you know? I never got closure with her. I haven't talked to her since. I haven't seen her since. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure. I feel like I need that. Pam: Okay, lets go. Michael: [scoofs] I'll just blow off the lecture at Rochester. Pam: Yeah, screw 'em. Let's do this. Michael: [chuckles] Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [leaning against Creed's desk] So I am collecting $3 from everybody. For Kelly's party. Creed: I'd like to contribute. Jim: Oh, great. Creed: [opens wallet and hands Jim a single bill] There you go. Jim: [looks at a three dollar bill]	Plan: A: Michael; Q: Who goes on a speaking tour of the other branches to explain Scranton's relative success? A: Pam; Q: Who is Michael's driver? A: the Utica branch; Q: Where does Michael's speech go poorly? A: a married, pregnant Karen; Q: Who did Michael meet at the Utica branch? A: the Nashua branch; Q: Where does Michael travel to for closure with Holly? A: the office; Q: Where do Dwight and Jim forget Kelly's birthday? A: the heads; Q: What position do Dwight and Jim hold on the party planning committee? A: the party planning committee; Q: What committee do Dwight and Jim now head? A: Andy; Q: Who develops a crush on Stanley's client? Summary: Michael goes on a speaking tour of the other branches to explain Scranton's relative success, accompanied by his driver, Pam. At the Utica branch, the speech goes poorly, but Pam and a married, pregnant Karen reach closure, inspiring Michael to travel to the Nashua branch for closure with Holly. Back at the office, Dwight and Jim - now the heads of the party planning committee - forget Kelly's birthday, and attempt to make amends. Andy develops a crush on Stanley's client.
SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. It is nighttime. Pan, still inhabiting Henry's body, approaches the wishing well with Felix. In his hand, he carries the Dark Curse scroll. [SCENE_BREAK] Felix: You never cease to amaze me, Peter. Outwitting the Evil Queen in less than a day. It's impressive. Pan: She loves the boy. That makes her weak. (They stop at the well's opening.) This is it. This is where we'll cast it. The ingredients? Felix: (Hands Pan a bag) When it's done, will they all be dead? Pan: (Takes a bottle out) Of course. They will be slaves to this new land we're making with no idea who they once were. Death is final, Felix. Their suffering will be eternal. (He continues set out various bottles as ingredients, and drops one into the well. As it hits the bottom, the water changes to a greenish hue.) Mary Margaret: (Speaking off-screen) Another curse? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Belle, David, Emma, Henry, Hook, Mary Margaret, Neal, Regina and Tinker Bell are gathered outside the vault building with Mr. Gold. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margaret: It's happening again? Emma: Gold, this curse, is it going to work like the last one? Mr. Gold: The last one was created to service the Queen's wishes. This will be done per Pan's desire. I would count on something hellish. Regina: The curse was built to be unstoppable. There's nothing that can be done. Mr. Gold: Well, it is possible to stop it. Regina: What? Mr. Gold: By using the scroll it itself. It can only be undone by the person who used the scroll. That's you, Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The wishing well. Pan eyes one of the ingredient bottles. Pan: What she did is child's play compared to what I have in mind. (Drops the bottle into well as the water glows green once more) Felix: I knew you'd win. Peter Pan never fails. (Pan flashes him a smile. Another bottle goes into the well.) Regina: (Speaking off-screen) What do I have to do? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Outside the vault building. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: (To Regina) You must destroy the scroll. Both yours and his curses shall be ended, but know this-there will be a price; a steep one. Regina: W-what do you suggest? Mr. Gold: Instead of going to him, bring him to us with a spell. (Regina gives him a confused look.) Mr. Gold: One that will return Pan and Henry to their own bodies. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The wishing well. [SCENE_BREAK] Felix: (Looking from inside the well to Pan) Are we missing something? Pan: Yes. Felix: What is it? Pan: The heart of the thing I love most. Felix: You mean your son's heart? Rumplestiltskin? Pan: No, uh, I never loved Rumple. Felix: (Perplexed) Well, then, whose heart do we need? Who do you love? Pan: Love can be many things, Felix. It doesn't just come from romance or family. It can also come from loyalty; friendship. (Felix's expression shifts to fear.) Only one person has always believed in Pan. Felix: That's me. Pan: Don't be afraid. Be flattered. (He moves to take out the heart.) Felix: (Yelling) No, no, no! (Pan reaches inside his chest as Felix gives a pained grunt. Pan tears out the glowing red heart and begins to squeeze it as Felix drops to the ground in anguish. The heart is pressed to dust into the well.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Outside the vault building. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: If I'm back in my own body, that means I'll have the scroll. I can bring it to you guys. Mr. Gold: Exactly right, Henry. Regina: Even you aren't powerful enough to cast such a spell. Mr. Gold: Well, given the proper tool, I could be. Tinker Bell: The Black Fairy's wand. One of the most powerful fairies that ever existed. Well-versed in dark magic. The Blue Fairy exiled her, but before she did, she took her wand. Mr. Gold: I assume our dearly departed Mother Superior has it hidden in her residence. David: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's hit the convent. Tinker Bell: Can I come? I should pay my respects to Blue, after all. (David nods in agreement.) Mr. Gold: Then it's settled. The rest of us should get back to my shop and prepare Henry for the spell. (Everyone begins dispersing from the group. The Shadow looms above; having overheard everything. A moment later, it flies off.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The wishing well. Pan finishes pulverizing the heart, and opens his palm to let the remaining dust fall into the well. He watches with satisfaction as a thick green smoke rapidly rises to the surface. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. Inside the baby nursery of the royal castle, a pregnant Snow White approaches the Blue Fairy as Prince Charming listens in. [SCENE_BREAK] Snow White: What if it fails? A magic wardrobe? It's a long-shot. We all know this, so, what do we do if this plan doesn't work? Blue Fairy: Then the Queen's curse will transport us to a new land. We will lose our memories and become slaves to her darkest desires. So, we have to have faith your child will find a way to save us. Snow White: If we don't know who we are and we can't tell her that she's the savior, how will she know what to do? Blue Fairy: One day, when the time is right, our story will reveal itself to her. Snow White: Story? Blue Fairy: You have to trust me. Snow White: O-our story? What does that mean? Blue Fairy: You don't know yet. But I do know it will happen. Snow White: Then how can you be so sure? Blue Fairy: Because I have the one thing you now need more than ever. (Snow White gives her a questioning look.) Hope. Good luck, Snow. Have faith. (She flits out of the room.) Snow White: (To Prince Charming) That's easy to say when you have magic wings and a wand. Prince Charming: What can we do but choose to believe her? Snow White: (She doesn't answer and walks over to stare sadly at the unicorn mobile hanging over the baby crib.) This was supposed to be hers. We had such plans. Prince Charming: Listen to Blue. Have hope we can prevail. Snow White: This curse has destroyed every dream this family ever had. Prince Charming: We don't know what the future holds for us. Snow White: (Turns around) How do you know it holds anything good? Prince Charming: Because the unknown isn't always bad. (Snow White looks at him in disbelief.) Prince Charming: Life is full of twists and turns you never see coming. This curse-it's just another turn. Snow White: (In tears) But all I ever wanted was for us to raise our child together. That was our happy ending and now it's gone. Prince Charming: The future we imagined is gone, but that doesn't mean we can't find another one. An unexpected one. (He grasps her hands. Snow White contemplates his words for a moment.) Snow White: I choose hope. (Turns around to glance at the unicorn mobile) I can believe it. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The pawnshop. Mary Margaret stares longingly at one of the unicorns on the baby mobile while touching it with her palm. Emma walks up to her. At the counter, Mr. Gold is consulting a spell book. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margaret: This mobile hung above your crib. (Emma looks confused.) Uh, um, it was supposed to hang over your crib. Emma: I like the unicorns. (They both smile.) Mary Margaret: Giving you up when the curse hit was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Emma: I know. Mary Margaret: Every time I look at you, I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't had to. Emma: I do the same thing with Henry. Mary Margaret: You were doing your best. You were giving him- Emma: His best chance. (Sighs) Yeah. But still, things would have been very different I had kept him. We would have had a life together. A normal one. (Belle, Henry and Regina walk in from the backroom to sit down.) Emma: Back in Boston or someplace else. But I guess all that was just not meant to be. (Smiles at Mary Margaret, then walks over to Henry) You doing okay, kid? Henry: Yeah. Just ready to be me again. (Emma nods.) Mr. Gold: (Still looking at the spell book) Not much longer now, Henry. (He turns a page.) Not much longer. (Snaps the book shut) Once we have the wand, all will be as ensured. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. In the convent, Mother Superior's body is laid in an open casket as three of her fellow nuns are in mourning. David, Hook, Neal and Tinker Bell approach from behind. [SCENE_BREAK] Tinker Bell: Sorry to interrupt, but we need your help. Nun #1: With what? Neal: The Black Fairy's wand is here. We need it. Nun #1: (Backing away slightly) We can never... Tinker Bell: Yeah, yeah. It's a terrible thing, but what's coming is worse. Where is it? (Before the nun can answer, a pounding noise comes from outside. They all turn to see something flying at high speed around the building windows.) David: What the hell was that? Hook: Pan's shadow. (They see the Shadow on the other side of a stained glass window attempting to get in.) Nun #1: What does it want? Hook: The wand. David: Run, run run! (The nuns usher out of the room as the Shadow enters the convent.) David: (To Shadow) Get the hell out of here! Hook: Stay covered! Over there! (They run to hide behind the church pews.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Past. Hook and one of his crewman, Smee, are traversing through the island jungle. [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: Mr. Smee, you might want to pick up the pace. It would do our journey and your physique some good. Smee: Sorry, C'ptain. (He stops walking and hears a brief rustle in the bush. He turns to look, but there is nothing.) It's just this place gives me the creeps. (Resumes walking, and doesn't see the watching eyes poking out from the bush) (To Hook) Don't you think we should head back to the ship? Hook: Not until I've found a way off this accursed island. We've dawdled here for too long. Now that I know there's a dagger to end the Dark One, we must return to our land. My purpose is renewed. (He walks off.) Smee: Why can't your purpose be back at the ship where it's safe? (As he moves to follow, someone knocks him out.) Hook: (Turns around) Smee? (Suddenly, a knife is held to his throat by Tinker Bell as she grabs hold of his hair.) Tinker Bell: Aren't you a little old to be a Lost Boy? Hook: I'm not part of Pan's brigade and I can assure you I am anything but a boy. Tinker Bell: Who are you, and why are you here? Hook: I'm the captain of the Jolly Roger and I'm here- (He winces as Tinker Bell tugs harder at his hair.) -looking for some magic to help me make my way back home to my land. You don't have any, do you? Magic? Tinker Bell: Fresh out. (Hook wriggles free.) Hook: I don't buy that for a second. (He forces her back a few steps.) If I didn't know any better, I'd say you are a fairy. Tinker Bell: And if I didn't know any better- (Glances down at his attire) -I'd say you're a pirate. Hook: Guilty. So tell me, fairy, can you help me? Tinker Bell: Help you? (She presses the blade to his throat and drags it along his skin.) Aren't you worried about me slitting your throat? Hook: (Sets down his lantern on a rock and moves his face closer to hers.) Well, that's not the fairy way. You should be helping me find my "happy ending" or something else equally as precious. Tinker Bell: I was a fairy. A long time ago. But then my wings were taken away. As for your "happy ending", you're on your own. (Pulls out another weapon when she sees Hook take something out of his pocket) Watch it! Hook: (Grins) It's not a weapon. (Pulls out a bottle) In the traditional sense. (He uncaps the top and offers it to her.) Rum? Tinker Bell: What's so important back home? (Takes a sip) Hook: The Dark One murdered the woman I love. (Takes bottle back) And I intend to make him suffer for it. (Drinks) Tinker Bell: And killing him is your "happy ending"? Even by doing so, you could end your own existence. Hook: I'd risk my life for two things; love and revenge. I lost the first, and if I die for my vengeance, then that's enough satisfaction for me. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The convent. [SCENE_BREAK] David: So all we have to do is light the candle, right? That's how you trapped it in Neverland? Neal: Yeah. This time I say we get rid of it for good. Hook: I'll draw it [inaudible]. Tinker Bell: You sure you want to do this? Hook: It's the only way to prevent this bloody curse from obliterating us all, then it's a risk I'm willing to take. Tinker Bell: I thought you'd only risk your life for love or revenge. Hook: One other important thing-me. (Climbs out from behind the pew) (To Shadow) Hey! (Hook ducks as the Shadow lunges down at him. He flashes a smirk.) That the best you got? (The Shadow roughly knocks him off his feet; sending Hook sprawling onto the ground. David rushes to pull him back behind the pew.) Tinker Bell: Can you trap it? David: No, it's too high. We gotta get closer. Neal: And I can't fly up there. (In realization) Tink. Tinker Bell: If you didn't notice, I don't have my wings. Neal: Use pixie dust. Tinker Bell: It doesn't work. David: Tink, you made it work once. You can do it again. (Tinker Bell slides out of the pew and uncaps the vial of pixie dust. It begins glowing green. She closes her eyes in concentration, to which the dust begins working for her. Neal hands her the coconut halves. She lights a flame on the candle and flies into the air to entrap the Shadow inside. Once the lid is placed on, she comes back down to dump the coconut halves into an open fire.) Hook: (To Tinkerbell) Look who's still a fairy. Tinker Bell: Look who's still a pirate. You all right? Hook: Well, I lost the hand once. It's nothing. Tinker Bell: For the record, I know why you risked your life back there, and it wasn't for yourself or revenge. It was for Emma. Mother Superior: (Speaking off-screen) Well done, Green. (Everyone looks behind to see Mother Superior; restored to life.) Tinker Bell: (In surprise) Blue. You were... Mother Superior: Gone. I know. But when you killed the Shadow, mine was returned and I was revived. Thank you. You finally believed in yourself, Green. Tinker Bell. Welcome back. Tinker Bell: I'm a fairy again? Even after I disobeyed all your rules? Mother Superior: (Laughs) I might have been overly strict. You deserved your wings, Tinker Bell. And you have earned them back many times over. Tinker Bell: (Tearfully) Thank you. Mother Superior: As for the Black Fairy's wand... (She materializes it in her hand and holds it out to them.) Go, save us all. (Hands the wand to Neal, who departs from the convent with David and Hook) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The pawnshop. Emma and Regina are sitting with Henry when they turn to see David, Hook and Neal arriving in. [SCENE_BREAK] David: She's back. The Blue Fairy. She gave us the wand. Emma: (To Mr. Gold) Do we need anything else? Mr. Gold: Only one more item. (Opens a cabinet to take out a bracelet) Mary Margaret: What is that? Mr. Gold: This is one of the only useful things that I managed to pilfer from Greg and Tamara before they left for Neverland. It renders anyone with magic utterly powerless. Regina: (Disdainfully) I haven't forgotten about all that, by the way. Mr. Gold: Let me see your wrist, Henry. (He cuffs it on Pan's arm.) I want to make sure when my dear old Dad awakes that he is weakened. This will lock his powers. Henry: So what happens now? Mr. Gold: I enact the spell, you fall into a deep sleep and when you awake, you're back in your own body. Regina: (To Henry) Then you hang into that scroll and come find us as fast as you can. (Neal hands the wand to Mr. Gold.) Henry: (Sighs) I gave my heart to Pan. I thought I was being a hero. I'm sorry. David: You're not the one who needs to be sorry. Pan does. Mr. Gold: It's time. (Henry lies down on a cot.) Keep your eye on the wand. (Henry closes his eyes as Mr. Gold casts the spell. Pan's body begins convulsing.) Emma: What's happening? Mr. Gold: Henry's spirit is leaving Pan's body. (The shaking continues and gradually subsides.) Regina: It worked. Emma: Let's go find our son. (Everyone begins leaving the shop. Belle and Neal follow suit. The pair stop when they notices Mr. Gold is not budging from his spot.) Belle: (To Mr. Gold) You're not coming? Mr. Gold: No, no. I think not. My father and I have, uh... some unfinished family business. (Belle leaves him to it. Neal lingers for a beat longer and stares silently at Mr. Gold.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Past. It is October 2011. On the outside school grounds, Henry looks at a family tree assignment he was supposed to complete. It is not filled in. He tucks it into a folder and slides it under his open lunch box. Mary Margaret walks up to him. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margaret: Henry? You didn't turn in your homework again. Is there a problem? (Henry does not answer, so she sits down beside him.) Oh, Henry. Things really will change if you just believe it. (He closes his lunch box.) Life is unpredictable. Henry: Is your life unpredictable? Because it seems to me like everything is pretty much the same around here. Except me. My birth mom didn't love me. Regina says she does, but she doesn't. I-I don't belong here. Mary Margaret: You do belong here, Henry. You are loved. (Her expression perks up as she comes up with an idea.) I wanna show you something. (She reaches for something in her bag.) This morning, I was cleaning out my bedroom closet. Like I've done every week, thousands of times, and do you know what happened? I found something. Something I've never noticed before. (She pulls out a large book, entitled in golden letters as Once Upon a Time, and places it down in front of Henry.) It was just there. Like magic. Henry: That's not possible. Mary Margaret: Well, of course not. (Henry begins opening the book.) Mary Margaret: But it happened. This book somehow arrived. (Henry turns to a page with a drawing of an older man and young boy.) Was it given to me? Did I forget about it? I don't know, but there it was. And do you know what I saw when I looked inside? (Henry looks at her expectantly.) Hope. Henry: (Glances down at the book) Looks like fairytales to me. Mary Margaret: And what exactly do you think fairytales are? They are a reminder that our lives will get better if we just hold onto hope. Your happy ending may not be what you expect, but that is what will make it so special. Henry: Can... can I borrow this? Mary Margaret: You can have it. Henry: (Smiles) Really? Mary Margaret: Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a powerful thing. Think you could use it. (She gets up and pats him on the shoulder.) I'll see you in class. (She departs.) Henry: (Flips to another page of a princess and her prince) Ms. Blanchard. Mary Margaret: (Speaking off-screen) Yes? (He looks up and is stunned to see her dressed as the same princess in the book. A moment later, she appears as normal.) Henry: Thank you. Mary Margaret: (Smiles) You're very welcome. (She continues walking away.) Henry: (Flips to a page of a princess and prince with an infant child) Emma. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Belle, David, Hook, Emma, Mary Margaret and Neal are following Granny on the streets as she sniffs out Henry's location. [SCENE_BREAK] Granny: I've got a scent. He's nearby. Emma: The tower? (All approach the clock tower building as Henry, now back in his original body, runs out from the library.) Henry: It's me, it's me! It worked! (He rushes to hug both Emma and Regina.) Mom, mom... I just saw you guys. You guys just saw me. Regina: But we didn't see you. Emma: He's got it. (She is handed the scroll from Henry. When she gives it to Regina, a burst of purple light comes from the scroll and the mayor passes out onto the ground.) Emma: Regina! (All converge around Regina in concern.) Regina! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The pawnshop. Pan reaches consciousness in his own body as Mr. Gold stands watch nearby. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: (To Pan) Hello, Papa. Pan: (Still lying down) Thought you'd kill me in my sleep, laddie. (He sits up.) I guess you changed your- (Notices the bracelet on his wrist) Oh, wait. I see. (Scoffs) You've taken away my magic. That's why it's so easy for you to strut around and pose now, isn't it? Mr. Gold: I wanted to talk to you. I wanted you to see me and think about what you've done. Pan: (Grins) Of course. To look at my son here at the end and really see him and think about what might've been. Is that what you want? Because I do. I remember looking at you... the littlest babe. Helpless and all mine. Those big, big eyes full of tears... pulling at me... pulling away my name, my money, my time. Pulling away any hope of making my life into something better for myself. (Vehemently) This pink, naked, squirming little larva that wanted to eat my dreams alive and never stop! How old are you now? A couple hundred? Can't I be free of you? Mr. Gold: Oh, you will be. (Picks up a sword) In death. Pan: Then, one last lesson, son. Never make a cage you can't get out of. (Rips off the bracelet from his own wrist as Mr. Gold looks shocked) I made this cuff, you know. Doesn't work on me. But on you... (He materializes it on Mr. Gold's arm.) Down, boy. (Magically flings Mr. Gold backwards into a shelf) Let's see how you do without magic. (Mr. Gold crawls towards the fallen sword, but Pan kicks him away from it.) Mr. Gold: (Frantically) I've come too far for this. For them. Pan: For your son? No. It's too late. Soon, that fine green smoke will fill their lungs and fog their brains. Not like the rest of this town. I'm not just going to take their memories. No. Because of their special meaning to you, I'm going to take their lives. And you won't do a thing to stop me. Do you know why? Because without magic, you are right back to where you started. The village coward. (Pan leaves the shop.) (In fear, Mr. Gold attempts to pull off the cuff, to no avail.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Past. In his castle, Rumplestiltskin is lighting a candle in honor of Baelfire's birthday. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: Too many years to count, Bae. But I've counted every one. (He blows out the separate wick used to light the candle.) (From behind, Belle tip toes in with a small basket of flowers as he notices her presence.) Belle: I-I'm sorry. I didn't know you were in here. Rumplestiltskin: Go away. Belle: I'll just put these flowers down. (Approaches table) Rumplestiltskin: Go away. (Burns out the candle light with his fingers) Belle: (Notices a shawl on the table) I'm, uh, so sorry. It was a remembrance, wasn't it? How old would he be? Rumplestiltskin: Well, he's not dead. He's just lost. Belle: Lost? Rumplestiltskin: (Touches the shawl) Today is his birthday. I should be with him... celebrating. We had a chance to be happy together, but I was afraid. Belle: Maybe it's not too late. Rumplestiltskin: I hope not. (Moves away from table) No, my ending shall not be a happy one. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The pawnshop. Mr. Gold is still struggling to tear off the cuff, which is completely ineffective. Desperate, he eyes the sword and picks it up. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. On the streets, Emma tries to shake awake Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: Regina! Regina: (Awakens) Emma. (She gets up.) Emma: What happened? You okay? Regina: (In a pensive, distracted tone) Yes, I'm fine. Mary Margaret: What is it? What happened when you touched it? Regina: I saw what needed to be done. Henry: Mom, are you going to be okay? Regina: (Places a hand under Henry's chin) The important thing is you will be. (Henry grabs her hand in reassurance. Suddenly, the scroll disappears from Regina's palm.) Pan: (Speaking off-screen) No, he won't. (He walks up to the group.) (They all back away in stun.) Hook: He has the- (He is cut off as Pan binds everyone in place with a freezing spell.) Pan: (Holds up scroll) Curse? That I do. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The pawnshop. Mr. Gold pulls up his sleeve to unveil his cuffed wrist. He takes the sword; contemplating using it to cut off his arm and be free of the bracelet. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. On the streets, Pan stands before the frozen group of townspeople. [SCENE_BREAK] Pan: Look at you all. A captive audience. I could play with you like a pack of dolls, couldn't I? I think I'll start with these two. (Walks over to Belle and Neal) Hmm. You both look so adorable. Hard to tell who to kill first. (Shifts his gaze between both of them) No, it isn't. (Points to Neal) You. You first. (From behind, Mr. Gold clamps a hand on Pan's left shoulder and tugs him away from Belle and Neal.) Mr. Gold: Stay away from them. Pan: How about this? The worm has teeth. (In a mocking tone) You're here to protect their "loved ones". Mr. Gold: I'm not gonna let you touch either one of them. Pan: Oh, I'd like to see that. Mr. Gold: Oh, you will. Because I have a job to finish, and I have to do whatever it takes. No loopholes. And what needs to be done has a price. A price I'm finally willing to pay. (Looks to Neal) I used the curse to find you, Bae, to tell you I made a mistake. To make sure you had a chance at happiness. (Pan openly laughs at his words.) Mr. Gold: And that happiness is possible. Just not with me. I accept that. Pan: Pretty, pretty words. Mr. Gold: (To Neal) I love you, Bae. (Looks to Belle) And I love you, Belle, you made me stronger. Pan: Stronger, yes. But still no magic. Mr. Gold: Oh, but I don't need it. You see, you may have lost your shadow, but there's one thing you're forgetting. Pan: And what's that? Mr. Gold: (Triumphantly) So have I. I sent it away with something to hide. (He raises his hand into the air; summoning his shadow back with the dagger. As Mr. Gold takes hold of the dagger, the shadow goes back into him. Then, he forcibly holds Pan against himself.) Pan: (Struggling to get free) What are you doing?! Mr. Gold: You see, the only way for you to die, is if we both die. And now... now, I am ready. (He stabs Pan in the back with the blade, but also impales himself with it in the process. Pan screams in pain while Mr. Gold remains silent.) (A cloud of black smoke covers Pan, who disappears. As the smoke dissipates, Malcolm appears in his place.) Mr. Gold: Hello, Papa. Malcolm: Rumple, please. You can stop this. Remove the dagger. We can start over. (Smiles) We can have a happy ending. Mr. Gold: Oh, but I'm a villain. And villains don't get happy endings. (He twists the dagger to embed deeper into both their wounds. Malcolm gasps in agony. A golden light peeks out from the blade and begins to shine even brighter. As Malcolm stops resisting the inevitable, Mr. Gold places a kiss on his cheek. The light engulfs them as they both disappear out of existence.) (The remaining scroll drops to the floor while the freezing spell on the group wears off. All are visibly in shock over the unexpected turn of events. Belle collapses on the ground in a fit of grief.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. On the streets, the group are still reeling from witnessing Mr. Gold's sacrifice. Belle, unable to hold back her heartbreak, begins crying. [SCENE_BREAK] Belle: No... Rumple! He's-he's gone! (Regina slowly kneels to pick up the scroll.) Mary Margaret: Regina? Are you okay? Regina: I'm fine. (Stands back up) Emma: (To Neal) I'm so sorry. (Belle quivers as a tear slides down her cheek.) Neal: My father did what he had to do. He saved us. Regina, don't let him die for nothing. (Regina doesn't respond.) Regina? Regina: What? Hook: We've here for a reason, love. Pan. Regina: Is dead. Hook: His curse remains. Can you stop it, or shall we all preparing our souls 'cause mine is gonna take some time. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The curse's green smoke creeps out of the wishing well in a continuous stream as it spreads. [SCENE_BREAK] Leroy: (Speaking off-screen) It's here! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Leroy, in a panic, runs up to the group pointing in the direction the curse is approaching from. [SCENE_BREAK] Leroy: It's here!! The curse, it's here! It's coming from all sides! There's no escape. (Neal hugs a worries Henry.) David: It's not too late. We can still stop it, right? Regina? Regina: Yes. Yes. Emma: W-what's the price? Gold said there is a price. What is our price? Regina: (Turns around to face the group) It's not our price. It's mine. Emma: What are you talking about? Regina: It's what I felt when I... first held it. I have to say goodbye to the thing I love most. Emma: (Turns to look at Henry, who approaches forward to stand beside her) (To Regina) Henry? Regina: I can never see him again. I have no choice. I have to undo what I started. Mary Margaret: (In realization) The curse that brought us to Storybrooke? Regina: That created Storybrooke. It doesn't belong here, and neither do any of us. David: Breaking the curse destroys the town. Regina: It will wend out of existence as though it were never here. And everyone will go back to where they are from. Prevented from ever returning. Emma: We'll go back to the Enchanted Forest? Regina: All of us. Except Henry. He will stay here because... he was born here. Emma: Alone? Regina: No, you will take him. Because you're the savior. And you were created to break the curse. And once again, you can escape it. Emma: I-I don't want to. We'll both go back with everyone. Regina: That's not an option. I can't be with him. If I don't pay the price, none of this will work. (The curse's thunder sounds near in the distance.) Mary Margaret: Emma, you have to go. Emma: I just found you. Mary Margaret: And now it's time for you to leave us again. For your best chance. For his. Emma: No. N-no. I'm-I'm not... done. I'm the savior, right? I'm supposed to bring back all the happy endings. That's what Henry always said. Mary Margaret: (Smiles) Happy endings aren't always what we think they will be. Look around you. You've touched the lives of everyone here. Emma: But we're a family. Mary Margaret: Yes, and we always will be. You gave us that. David: You and Henry can be a family. You can get your wish. You can be like everyone else. You can be happy. Mary Margaret: It's time to believe in yourself, Emma. There's time for you to find hope. Regina: (To Emma) I've known you for some time and all I wanted was for you to get the hell out of my life so I can be with my son. But really... (Voice breaking) What I want is for Henry to be happy. We have no choice. You have to go. Emma: (Reluctantly) Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Phoenix, Arizona. Past. It is eleven years ago. On a bed, at exactly eight-fifteen, Emma is giving birth. [SCENE_BREAK] Doctor: (To Emma) Okay, now, big push, big push! Emma: (Pushing in labor) Aaaaaaah! (The lights flicker and go out as she collapses on the bed in a sweaty mess.) Doctor: (Wrapping newborn in a blanket) Great. Here we go. Good, that's good. Beautiful. (Cradles infant in his arms) It's a boy, Emma. (She refuses to look at the baby, and turns away.) Doctor: Emma? (Emma shakes her head.) (A nurse approaches the doctor to whisper something to the doctor.) Doctor: Oh. Emma, just so you know, you can change your mind. Emma: (Hoarsely) No. I can't be a mother. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. Everyone is gathered at the town line where Emma's yellow bug is parked. Archie, rest of the dwarves, Mother Superior and Tinker Bell have joined them as well. Emma speaks to both Archie and Belle, and then makes her way over to David and Mary Margaret. She throws herself into their embrace as does Henry. The boy pulls away to say goodbye to Regina. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: This isn't fair. It's all my fault. Regina: What do you mean? Henry: If I had never gone to get Emma, if I just lived under the curse with you, none of this would have ever happened. I thought I was alone. I-I thought you didn't love me. But I was wrong. Regina: Henry. I was wrong too. It wasn't your fault, it's mine. I cast a curse out of vengeance and I'm-I'm a villain. You heard Mr. Gold. Villains don't get happy endings. Henry: You're not a villain. You're just my mom. (He hugs Regina.) (Emma moves from her parents to Neal.) Emma: Neal. I'm sorry. Neal: Don't be. You got a boy who you've got to keep alive here. Emma: And you have to go back there. Neal: Yeah. (Emma embraces him, and he pulls away a moment later.) Hey, this isn't over. I'll see both of you again. (Emma walks towards her car, but is stopped by Hook.) Hook: (Jokingly) That's quite a vessel you captain there, Swan. (She gives him a sad smile.) There's not a day that won't go by that I won't think of you. Emma: Good. (They smile at each other.) Regina: Emma. There's something I haven't told you. Emma: (Sighs) What now? Regina: When the curse washes over us, it will send us all back. Nothing will be left behind. Including your memories. It's just what the curse does. Storybrooke will no longer exist. It won't ever have existed. So these last years will be gone from both your memories. Now we'll go back to being just stories again. Emma: What will happen to us? Regina: I don't know. Emma: Doesn't sound like much of a happy ending. Regina: (Chuckles) It's not. But I can give you one. Emma: You can preserve our memories? Regina: No, I can... do what I did to everyone else in this town. And give you new ones. Emma: You cursed them and they were miserable. Regina: They didn't have to be. (Grasps Emma's hands) My gift to you is good memories, good life for you and- (She turns to look at Henry. He comes to her side.) -Henry. You'll have never given him up. (Tearfully) You'll have always been together. Emma: You would do that? Regina: When I stop Pan's curse and you cross that town line, you will have the life you always wanted. Emma: But it won't be real. Regina: Well, your past won't. But your future will. Now go. There isn't much time left till the curse will be here any minute. (Henry gives her one last hug. She kisses him on the forehead.) (Mary Margaret approaches a tearful Emma with a smile and plants a kiss on her temple. The curse is rapidly surging towards the group as Emma and Henry walk towards the car and get in.) (Regina tears off a piece of the Dark Curse scroll as it glows purple. She crumbles it into a ball and generates it into magic on both her hands to strike the massive cloud of green smoke as a counter effect.) (Emma begins driving out of town as both the green and purple smoke mingle and engulf all the townspeople. Once they cross outside of town, the line on the ground is no longer visible. Henry looks from where they just came to gazing away. Emma glances down at him briefly. Meanwhile, the curse is spreading through the remaining parts of town. It reaches Henry's old room while the storybook is swallowed up, too. Both Emma and Henry's memories change.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Phoenix, Arizona. Past. It is eleven years ago, though Emma's recollection changes due to Regina's alteration. It is shortly after Emma has given birth. [SCENE_BREAK] Doctor: Emma, just so you know, you can change your mind. (Emma still refuses to look at the infant, but suddenly, her expression changes.) Emma: Wait. (Looking up) Let me hold him. (The doctor brings him over into her arms. Emma happily looks down at her son, and touches one of his tiny hands. She laughs.) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: On the road. Present. Emma is driving while Henry sits beside her in the passenger seat. She glances at him briefly again. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Storybrooke. Present. The town line fades out of existence. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: New York City. Present. It is one year later. The building room alarm clock chirps at eight-fifteen a.m. Emma reaches over to turn it off as "Charley's Girl" by Lou Reed begins playing in the background. For breakfast, Emma makes scrambled eggs for herself and Henry as he waters plants in their apartment. She sets down two plates of pancakes with the eggs as well as matching cups of hot chocolate for both of them. [SCENE_BREAK] Henry: Mom, you forgot something. Emma: Right, cinnamon. (Grabs the sprinkler and gives it Henry, who pours cinnamon on his hot chocolate) (They clink their cups together before drinking.) (Suddenly, a knocking comes from outside the door.) Henry: Someone coming over? Emma: No. (The knocking resumes as a loud pounding.) Emma: (Gets up to check) Henry, wait here. (As Emma heads to the door, she turns off the music player. Upon opening the door, she sees someone dressed in pirate clothes.) Hook: (Smiles) Swan. At last- (He tries to enter into the apartment.) Emma: (Blocks him with her hand) Woah, do I know you? Hook: Look, I need our help. Something's happened. Something terrible. Your family is in trouble. Emma: My family's right here. Who are you? Hook: An old friend. Look, I know you can't remember me, but... I can make you. (He plants a kiss on her lips.) Emma: (She kicks him in the groin and shoves him back.) The hell are you doing? Hook: (Grunting in pain) A long-shot. I had to try. I was hoping you felt as I did. Emma: What you'll feel is the handcuffs when I call the cops. Hook: Look, I know this seems crazy, but you have to listen to me. You have to remem- (She shuts the door in his face.) Henry: Who was that? Emma: No idea. Someone must have left the door open downstairs. Come on, let's eat. (Walks back to the table)	Plan: A: Pan; Q: Who is in Henry's body? A: the dark curse; Q: What does Pan want to cast to create a new Neverland? A: no one; Q: Who can age under the curse? A: Emma; Q: Who is the main character who tries to stop Pan from casting the curse? A: the ultimate sacrifice; Q: What may stop Pan from casting the dark curse? A: Emma's destiny; Q: What is revealed in the past? Summary: Pan is in Henry's body, and plans on casting the dark curse once and for all to create a new Neverland, as no one can age under it. Emma and the others try to stop this, but it may come with the ultimate sacrifice on everyone's part. In character's past, however, we learn of the many events that lead up to the unveiling of Emma's destiny.
In Craig's garage, Craig is strumming his guitar and Ellie is sitting on the couch Craig: Porsche 911 Carrera, fire engine red, full leather interior. That's what I'd buy. Ellie: Wow. That is so 80s. Craig: What? Ellie: Flip those collars up Mr. Manning. Craig: Okay so what are you gonna buy after we're discovered at the Northern Sound Showcase? Ellie: I guess I'd invest the money, buy a condo or... Craig: That's...no. Ellie: ...a smart car or both. I could get both! (He pretends to yawn and she smacks him, so he smacks her back.) Ellie: Stop. (She hits him back, he hits her back again and they do this a few times.) Craig: Don't. Stop doing that. (He starts tickling her and they're both laughing.) Ellie: Stop! Stop! (Joey walks in on them.) Joey: Craig. Manny's on the phone for you. Craig: Tell her I'm studying. Joey: Doesn't look like studying. Craig: Thanks mom. (He leaves and Ellie picks up a notebook.) Ellie: Speaking of studying someone's supposed to be preparing for his history presentation. Craig: Who cares? Now the showcase is in two days so drop that book and grab those sticks, 'cause no matter what we're gonna win this thing. In history class Craig: There was this part of France and Germany wanted it back, so they uh crossed the border... History teacher: And they took this detour because? Craig: Because? Well simple...um see it's right here, um after that one guy killed that Archduke. Uh. Ellie: (Whispering) Franz Ferdinand. (Pretending to cough) Franz Ferdinand! History teacher: Ellie. Gesundheit. Ellie: Thanks. Craig: Europe's treaties were all messed up and Germany took advantage of it. At a student council meeting Toby: So Liberty and I are gonna represent Degrassi at the Metro Toronto Students Assembly. Liberty: But we need your input so e-mail us your thoughts and we'll compile them. Meeting adjourned. Toby: So how are you getting to the assembly? 'Cause I was thinking that if you need a lift JT could drive you. Liberty: Toby. You know I don't talk to JT. Toby: Yeah, but I wish you would 'cause this sucks okay? I mean I'm friends with both of you. Liberty: Well I've got enough on my plate without worrying about that. Toby: How's that going anyway? With the baby I mean. Liberty: My doctor told me to take it easier, for the baby. He says I'm overstressed, but I think I'm fine. Toby: Well I'm here to help, student council, whatever and not just 'cause I'm your vice okay? Outside the dot Toby: She's fine. She's stressed, but you know her doctor told her to take it easy for the kid. JT: What? The baby's in danger? Toby: I didn't, I didn't say that. JT: Well is Liberty in danger? Toby: Look calm down. Liberty's fine. I'll make sure she takes it easy. JT: Good. So will I. Toby: JT, if Liberty finds out we've been having these little meetings I'm dead. Murdered. JT: Sorry, but I have to do something okay? What other choice do I have? At the Dot Jimmy: And thus Craig fails history. Manny: My poor baby. Craig: It's one grade. So what? Marco: Um university. Um getting into university. Um your life. Craig: Yeah breath Marco. They've already submitted our grades. Anyway who actually wants to go? Really! (Marco and Jimmy put up their hands.) Craig: Okay. Besides the two of you. Marco: Hi. I'm Ellie Nash, future journalism school student and roving reporter. Ellie: And you're so annoying. Jimmy: So Ellie you're uh, you're really taking next year off to like follow Craig around or whatever? Craig: No. She, and we, are gonna spend it cutting our first album after we're discovered at Northern Sound Showcase. That way no use wasting the next four years on some useless BA, which is worth an F. (Spinner walks over with their bill and pulls a CD out of his pocket.) Jimmy: Gavin. What's this little number? Is this a, this a copy of you and Darcy singing Jesus Loves Me? Spinner: No. That's Money Money. Our dishwasher's their lead guitarist and they are your competition at the Northern Sound Showcase and they're good. At the Northern Sound Showcase (The band is performing their song and everyone is cheering for them while a guy watches them intensely from the crowd. Then Money Money performs and everyone cheers for them.) Manny: Okay. Okay they're good, but their ties make me want to strangle them. Leo: Cute girl's got a point. Leo Davies. Craig: Hey I'm Craig. This is... Leo: Gotcha. So good show tonight. I liked the song, loved the vocals. Craig: Thanks. It's too bad Money Money blew us off the stage. Leo: They're good, but their sound's been played. So has their look. No depth. Craig: So we've got depth? Leo: Definitely. The band's a little rough. Ellie: Yeah, not so coordinated here. Leo: Yeah, but it worked. I liked it and I'd like to manage you. At Joey's house, Joey and Diane are watching TV, until Craig and Manny come in and Craig turns it off Joey: Uh Craig! Dancing with the Stars is on. Craig: A manager. Okay, a real music industry manager has signed us tonight. Joey: That's amazing Craig. Wow! Craig: Yeah um Leo is gonna work with us to sharpen our sound. He's gonna introduce us to A&R Record Company. Tomorrow we have a photo shoot set up! Joey: That is amazing buddy, and uh well speaking of potentially amazing news this letter arrived for you today, from U of T. (He opens it up.) Craig: Oh wow. Uh I got, I got early acceptance, um and a full scholarship. Joey: What?! Oh Craig that is awesome. Congratulations buddy. Oh we are so proud of you! Manny: Craig! Summer with your band, free university in the fall. You are totally set. Craig: Yeah. Okay...hold on. This is, this is so great and everything, but um I don't know if for sure I can do this. I mean I have to talk to Leo first. Joey: Okay Craig. Look I know you're excited okay, but this is school. This is your future. Craig: My future's music. I'm not gonna give this up. Sorry. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. At the photo shoot, the band is getting their pictures taken Leo: This ain't working for me. Uh Marco step over here. Marco: Okay. Leo: And uh Jimmy scoot over here beside Marco. Ellie: Um wait isn't he blocking my drums? Leo: You're a chick on sticks. You can sell it from back there. (Ellie moves to the back upset.) Leo: Thanks. Craig I need you to step forward, forward. There. Good. Okay? Craig: Uh Leo? Leo: Yeah. Craig: I'm kind of about the band. Leo: Dude this is different. See now the band is about you. (A picture is taken with Craig really close and the other 3 in the background.) [SCENE_BREAK] At the Dot, Ellie walks in Craig: Hey. Leo said he's running late. (Ellie sits at a different table than the guys.) Craig: Uh El? Ellie: Chick on sticks is gonna sell it from over here, yo. (Leo walks in and sits down.) Leo: Okay. So Northern Sound Showcase always asks back a few bands for their final night. This year they've asked back Money Money, The Aunt Selma's and Downtown Sasquatch! Craig: You're serious? Leo: Plus one of the execs is inviting his favourite band out to Vancouver to cut a demo with Jakolope, which is huge. Ellie: Wait. So if this record guy likes us we spend the summer in Vancouver? Leo: Guys this would happen next week. You'd be on a flight on Sunday night. Jimmy: For how long? Leo: As long as it takes. Weeks, months. Marco: Wait. What about school? We have exams, papers. We'll screw up our entire year. Leo: So? This is a one shot deal. It's more important than school. Guys don't worry about this stuff. Worry about polishing your sound. It's a little rough. Ellie: Oh, but rough's part of our charm. Leo: Rough's gonna hold you back, especially around the drumming. Craig: Leo, we'll be fine. She'll be fine. You have my word on it. In Craig's garage Craig: Okay I thought we'd go through the song from start to finish, just drums. Ellie: Craig this is a hopeless cause. I'm not a good drummer. Craig: Okay we have no time for negativity. Okay, let's just focus here. Ellie: Okay. (She starts playing and Craig is sitting behind her with his arms around her.) Ellie: That better? Craig: That's perfect. Just keep going. (Manny walks in and sees Craig and Ellie and they stop.) Craig: We got a gig at the showcase. Another one. The band gets... Manny: The band? The band, the band is all you care about. Craig: This showcase matters Manny. Manny: Right now it looks like the only thing that matters is Ellie! (She runs out and Craig calls after her.) Craig: Manny! Manny. At Degrassi Ms. Hatzilakos: Liberty I was wondering if you were still here. Liberty: Oh we're just finishing up. Ms. Hatzilakos: Listen it came to my attention...well let me rephrase that. I'm concerned about you Liberty. Your baby is due soon, you've been working awfully hard and you just seem stressed. Liberty: Stressed? Uh, and uh what would give you that idea? Ms. Hatzilakos: Well with all due respect, I think that you should step aside and you should let Toby go alone to the assembly. Liberty: Ms. Hatzilakos is this because you don't want a pregnant student representing the school? Ms. Hatzilakos: No Liberty. It's because I want to make sure that you get the rest that you need. (She leaves.) Liberty: Uh Toby. You didn't talk to her right? Toby: Me? No, no, no, no. I was just, um oh my look at the time. I have to get the materials ready for the assembly. Chop, chop! In Craig's garage, the band is rehearsing their song while Leo and Manny watch Leo: Well it's better. Better, but it's not good. See a rough sound is one thing, but your drummer can't keep time. Craig: We've worked on that. Leo: You shouldn't have to. There are a lot of great drummers in this town. Ellie: Mr. Davies please. I'm new, but I'm dedicated. I'll practice all night. Leo: Honey you're not cut out for this. Just like I'm not cut out to fly airplanes. Dems the breaks. Craig: Toronto has a lot of great singers too. (He leaves and Manny walks over to Craig.) In Craig's house (Craig fills out the acceptance letter for U of T.) Outside the school Liberty: Et tu, Toby? So, you use my pregnancy to stage a coup de ta? Nice. Toby: Liberty that's not what happened. Liberty: Really? Then uh who went to Ms. Hatzilakos, hmm? Toby: Okay it was me. I'm the blabber. Toby, the blabber, Isaacs. That's me, but um Liberty if I was pregnant and you know my doctor told me to slow down, it's what I'd be doing right now. Liberty: Yeah. Whatever Tobes. I'm going to the assembly and you're driving me. (Toby starts driving and the car starts breaking down.) Liberty: Uh this isn't Carson Hill. Toby: Yeah I know. My Bubbe's car doesn't seem to get that. Liberty: I'm calling a cab. Don't expect a ride because traitors have to walk. Toby: I'm not a traitor. Liberty: You attempted to oust me for my presidency. You, traitorous you. Toby: Look I don't want your stupid job. Liberty: So why blab to Hatzilakos? Toby: I didn't. I blabbed to JT and JT blabbed to Hatzilakos because this whole time I've been trying to help him keep up with you, while at the same time help you get ready for this stupid conference. But the only person I helped was myself achieve insanity. Come on! Liberty: There's a reason I don't tell JT about any of this. He... (She stops and looks down.) Toby: Liberty? Liberty: Oh that's disgusting. Toby: What? What, why is there water on the floor? Liberty: Toby it's time. Toby: Time? Time? What time? Time for- No! Not here! Not in my Bubbe's car! Toby: Dial 911, but don't make a big deal about it. (The ambulance arrives and they take Liberty away in a stretcher.) Liberty: Toby I'm sorry. Toby: It's okay. You're gonna be fine. Don't worry. Liberty: But the assembly! Toby: It doesn't matter okay? (The ambulance drives away as Toby stares after it.) In Craig's garage, Craig is playing his guitar Ellie: New song? I like it, just like that. You know it doesn't even need lyrics. Craig: It's not really a song then, is it? Ellie: Sometimes you don't need all the extra stuff. Sometimes simpler is better. Craig: I'm not a solo act. Ellie: But you could be. Craig: I don't care. This isn't about me. This is about the band. Ellie we were gonna do this together. Cut our own album, sold out shows, a Juno, a Grammy... Ellie: Craig, I can't drum. Craig: Yes, you can! Ellie: No, I can't and Marco's not much better on bass and Jimmy wants to paint. Leo, god face it, he only wanted you. We were just excess baggage. Craig I really think you should go to the showcase tonight just like this. You and your guitar. I really think you could win. Craig: Okay let's say I do play at the showcase and I do win. That means leaving. What about Manny or Joey or Angie? Ellie: Don't worry about them. They'll manage. They'll be fine. Craig: What about you? Ellie: I'll wave goodbye 'cause I have to. Craig. Go to that club and knock them dead. For all of us. At the showcase Announcer: Everyone welcome to the stage Downtown Sasquatch, Craig Manning! Craig: (Singing) Today is long. Flight and song, but I don't even listen. Blue bird hides. Piece of night. I don't even try. At the hospital, Liberty is holding the baby Toby: The adoption counsellor's in the hall. She's talking to your parents. (JT walks in and Liberty hands the baby away to a couple.) Craig: (Singing in the background) Every mama gone missing. Every papa gone mad. I take a chance. Back at the showcase Craig: (Singing) It's not romance, but something more important. So give me wings. Let me sing. It's all been done before. For any girl that's unhappy. For any boy that is bad. Every mama gone missing. Every papa gone mad. (A flashback to Manny and Craig kissing. Then Craig is shown saying goodbye to Jimmy, Marco and Ellie. Finally he is shown sitting in the passenger seat of Joey's car with Manny in the backseat.) Next week, or next couple weeks... Voiceover: The kids of Degrassi sure have grown up fast. So this Christmas, let's remember those classic episodes that made them international stars. We've got some of your favourite unforgettable episodes that will keep you wanting more. A holiday special you don't want to miss. This Christmas spend some quality time with the gang.	Plan: A: a record deal; Q: What do the Downtown Sasquatch have a shot at? A: a music producer; Q: Who shows interest in Downtown Sasquatch? A: a difficult choice; Q: What does Craig have to make when he finds out the music producer is only interested in Craig? A: birth; Q: What is Liberty preparing to give while dealing with the stresses of school? Summary: Downtown Sasquatch have a shot at a record deal when a music producer shows interest in them, but they later find out he is only interested in Craig, who has to make a difficult choice. Meanwhile, Liberty prepares to give birth while dealing with the stresses of school.
FRONTIER IN SPACE BY: MALCOLM HULKE 5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: SPACE (A large battle cruiser circles the floating cargo ship, turning in order that it can approach its airlock.) GARDINER: (OOV: Over radio.) Earth Battle Cruiser to Earth cargo ship number C982. We are now approaching you. Do you read me? Over. [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. CARGO SHIP. BRIDGE (GARDINER appears on the monitor on the deserted bridge. He is a young man in military uniform with a headgear that covers the ears but leaves the top of his head bare.) GARDINER: (On monitor.) Earth Battle Cruiser to Earth cargo ship number C982. We are now approaching you. Do you read me? Do you read me? (The DOCTOR runs on the bridge and sits in STEWART'S chair.) GARDINER: (On monitor.) Prepare to be boarded. Repeat: prepare to be boarded. Do you read me? Over. DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) Hello battle cruiser, battle cruiser. This is the cargo ship. Over. GARDINER: (On monitor.) What is your situation? DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) The ship has been attacked and the cargo stolen. Over. GARDINER: (On monitor.) Do you have casualties? DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) Yes, the crew are stunned, but otherwise they're unharmed. Over. GARDINER: (On monitor.) We shall lock on...five seconds from now. (The DOCTOR checks his watch, switches off the microphone and leaves the bridge.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: SPACE (The nozzle of the battlecruiser docks with the cargo ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. CARGO SHIP. AIRLOCK AREA (The echoing sound of the docking reaches the airlock area. JO is helping STEWART drink from a small flask as the DOCTOR returns.) DOCTOR: It's alright, Jo. We're being rescued. STEWART: What happened? DOCTOR: Well, don't worry, old chap. You'll be all right now. I think... (STEWART hears airlock lock opening as the cabin pressurises.) STEWART: Draconians! They're boarding! (GARDINER enters through the airlock, accompanied KEMP by some heavily armed soldiers.) GARDINER: Stewart? (He points his gun at the DOCTOR.) GARDINER: Who are you? DOCTOR: Passengers. GARDINER: I see. Having a fancy dress party? (To STEWART.) What happened? STEWART: Dragons - attacked us. GARDINER: Did they get the cargo? STEWART: I don't know. JO: Yes, they took everything. DOCTOR: Including some rather valuable property of mine. GARDINER: Well, tough luck. DOCTOR: Oh, thank you very much. (HARDY gets to his feet.) HARDY: (Groggily.) Dragons...they attacked us. (GARDINER goes to help him.) GARDINER: Yes, we know. (To the DOCTOR.) You say you're passengers. Isn't that a little unusual on a cargo ship? DOCTOR: Well, we're here, aren't we? GARDINER: (To STEWART.) Where did you pick these two up? STEWART: I don't know. I can't seem to remember... GARDINER: (Harshly.) Pull yourself together! How did they get on board? (STEWART thinks desperately for an answer.) STEWART: Stowaways...that's it - they were stowaways. They were sending messages! HARDY: That's right - they were helping the Dragons! They're traitors! (The soldiers all raise their blasters to cover the DOCTOR and JO.) JO: But that's absolute nonsense! Look, we didn't want to be on this ship - it was an accident! GARDINER: You said you were passengers? DOCTOR: I was merely trying to avoid a lot of tiresome explanations, old chap. GARDINER: Stewart, I'll leave Kemp on board to take your ship back to Earth. STEWART: What about these two? GARDINER: Lock them in the hold. Put a guard on them. JO: But we haven't done anything! GARDINER: They say you have! Take them away. DOCTOR: Now, if you'll only listen to me... GARDINER: You can talk to Earth Security. They'll listen - it's their business. Put 'em in the starboard cubicle. KEMP: Alright, get moving. (At KEMP'S gunpoint, the DOCTOR and JO are led away into the hold area.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. CARGO SHIP. HOLD (...and back towards their previous 'cell'.) KEMP: In there. [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. CARGO SHIP. STARBOARD CUBICLE (JO enters and then the DOCTOR who is roughly pushed in by KEMP. He collides with JO as the door is slammed shut behind them.) JO: Woops! No need to push! [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. CARGO SHIP. HOLD (The door is secured and the soldiers move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. CARGO SHIP. STARBOARD CUBICLE DOCTOR: Listen! (They hear echoing noises through the ship.) DOCTOR: The ships - they're unlocking. [SCENE_BREAK] 9: SPACE (And sure enough, the battlecruiser moves off from the cargo ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. CARGO SHIP. HOLD (JO looks out of the grille and sees KEMP stood on guard nearby.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CARGO SHIP. STARBOARD CUBICLE JO: Still watching the door. DOCTOR: That's what he's there for, isn't it? (The DOCTOR sits calmly on the bench while JO starts to pace the room, thinking furiously. Suddenly, her face lights up.) JO: Right! We'll give it a few minutes, then I'll start groaning and pretending I'm ill. When he comes in, you can use your Venusian karate! DOCTOR: And then what? JO: Then, we'll take his gun, go to the flight deck and make somebody take us back to Earth. DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Jo? This ship's already going back to Earth. (JO'S face falls.) JO: Oh... Oh, dear, mm. (She puts a finger to her lip, paces, thinks once more and again has a eureka moment...) JO: Hey, I've got a terrific idea! I saw this film once, you see, and there were these two gangsters, big fellers they were, with sort of cauliflower ears... (The DOCTOR sighs...) DOCTOR: Look, Jo... JO: And one of them... DOCTOR: Will you stop pacing up and down like a perishing panda! Now come and sit down. Let me think, will you? (JO sits quietly.) DOCTOR: That's better. (But not for long...) JO: Doctor? (The DOCTOR sighs once more.) JO: Well, now the Ogrons have gone, why don't the crewmen remember what really happened? DOCTOR: Because the true facts have been erased from their minds, that's why. JO: Well, yes, but why do they keep telling lies about us? DOCTOR: Well, they don't know that they're lying, Jo. They're desperately trying to fit us into their version of things. JO: Well, what are we going to do then? DOCTOR: Well, when we get back to Earth, we've got to reach someone in authority whose mind isn't already closed. JO: Closed to what? DOCTOR: Jo, look, these people believe that the Draconians are attacking their spaceships, right? JO: Right. DOCTOR: And we know that they're wrong, don't we? JO: Well, yes, it was Ogrons. DOCTOR: Well, we also know that the Ogrons couldn't possibly have created that hallucinatory device that makes the Earthmen think they're Draconians. JO: Oh... Oh, well that's simple then. I mean, all we've got to do is: find out what's going on, who's behind the Ogrons, where they've taken the TARDIS, go and get it back and then we can all go home - right? DOCTOR: Right. JO: Oh. I don't know what I've been worrying about... [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. EARTH. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE (KEMP appears on a small black and white videoscreen on the desk in the PRESIDENT'S office, watched by the PRESIDENT herself and GENERAL WILLIAMS.) KEMP: (On monitor.) We are now in space port ten. The ship will land in...fifteen minutes. The crew are safe. Also aboard - two human stowaways, origins unknown. GENERAL WILLIAMS: I want a cordon around the landing area the minute that ship touches down. Nobody on, nobody off till I get there. KEMP: (On monitor.) Sir. (GENERAL WILLIAMS switches the screen off.) GENERAL WILLIAMS: I'd better get down there. I want to handle the preliminary interrogations myself. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Good. (He heads for the door.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: General Williams. (He stops.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Whatever you find out, you'll report directly to me. GENERAL WILLIAMS: (Dryly.) Naturally. And now if you'll excuse me? (He heads out. A ghost of a smile flickers over the PRESIDENT'S face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. CARGO SHIP. STARBOARD CUBICLE (The DOCTOR and JO wait in their room on the cargoship. JO is once more pacing as the DOCTOR remains sat calmly.) JO: What do they think they're doing? We've been landed for simply ages. DOCTOR: Well, twelve minutes, to be exact, Jo. JO: Shh! (They can hear footsteps approaching.) JO: Someone's coming. (The door opens and KEMP enters, his blaster raised. More soldiers are outside the door.) KEMP: Outside. JO: We want to see somebody in authority. KEMP: You're going to - outside. (He pushes her outside the door. The DOCTOR follows, taking his cloak with him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. CARGO SHIP. HOLD (GENERAL WILLIAMS walks up at that moment.) GENERAL WILLIAMS: Now then, what's all this about? [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. EARTH. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE (Having heard the version of events from the DOCTOR and JO, WILLIAMS has returned to the PRESIDENT.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Draconian agents? Are you sure? GENERAL WILLIAMS: What else can they be? Their story is obvious nonsense. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: But why? We... Why would the Draconians leave them on board the ship? GENERAL WILLIAMS: (Firmly.) The Draconians are preparing for war. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: You're still only suspecting then? There is no proof. GENERAL WILLIAMS: Then they need to plant human agents, traitors, on this planet to sabotage our war effort. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: But we are bound to suspect them. They must have realised? GENERAL WILLIAMS: The Draconians probably thought the crew was dead. We could easily have accepted those two as passengers - two unfortunate refugees from a Draconian attack, ideally placed for espionage. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: If you are right, the sooner we confront the Draconians with this, the better. (She presses the intercom on her desk.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: (Into intercom.) Bring the prisoners in. (To GENERAL WILLIAMS.) We'll bring them face to face with the Draconian ambassador. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. SECURITY BUILDING. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE CELL (GARDINER leads the DOCTOR and JO down a heavily guarded gloomy passage in the security building. The passage is roofed by heavy bars which create shadows of bars across the walls and floors. He points to a doorway.) GARDINER: In there. [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. SECURITY BUILDING. CELL (With some reluctance, the DOCTOR and JO enter a stark cell. There is one padded bench and a small table affixed to a wall. The walls are a scruffy white. The DOCTOR starts to divest himself of his cloak. GARDINER follows them in, his tone and manner slightly softer...) GARDINER: When did you last eat? JO: Quite some while ago. GARDINER: Well, I'll see they send you some food. DOCTOR: I'd like to get a message through to your president. GARDINER: Not a chance. I'm going straight back to my ship. Don't want to get mixed up with security. It's not healthy. (He looks at the two unusual prisoners.) GARDINER: Look, I'll give you a piece of advice. DOCTOR: Yes? GARDINER: Sooner or later, you're going to tell them everything. They'll use the mind probe. You talk to them now. You'll save yourselves a lot of trouble. (He walks out of the cell and presses a sensor on the wall. A metal door hums and slides closed. JO jumps up with worry.) JO: A mind probe?! (The DOCTOR sits calmly.) DOCTOR: Oh, you don't want to worry about those things, Jo. As long as you tell 'em the truth, they can't do you any harm. JO: They can't? DOCTOR: No, of course not. Well, they're only sort of computers with a few extra knobs on. And you know how stupid computers can be, don't you? Now come and sit down, stop worrying. (JO sighs with worry.) DOCTOR: Come on. Sit down. (He takes her hand and she sits.) DOCTOR: Did I ever tell you the story about how I was once captured by the Medusoids? JO: What are they? DOCTOR: Medusoids? JO: Mmm. DOCTOR: How can I describe them to you? Well, they're a hairy jellyfish with claws, teeth and a leg. JO: Eurgh! DOCTOR: Anyway, they put me under one of these mind probes things, you see, and tried to get me to tell them where I was going. So, I said I was on my way to meet a giant rabbit, a pink elephant and a purple horse with yellow spots. (JO giggles.) JO: What happened? DOCTOR: Well, the poor old machine just couldn't believe it - had a nervous breakdown. JO: And then what happened? DOCTOR: Well, they put me under another one of these mind probe things and the same thing happened. JO: But you weren't telling the truth - I mean, you weren't really going to meet a giant rabbit, a pink elephant and a...? What was it? DOCTOR: A purple horse with yellow spots. Yes, I was. You see, they were all delegates for the third Intergalactic Peace Conference. JO: How did you get away from these things? DOCTOR: Well they had to turn me loose eventually. JO: Why? DOCTOR: They ran out of mind probes! (JO bursts into laughter and the DOCTOR joins in.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. EARTH. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE (HARDY and STEWART stand in front of the PRESIDENT'S desk while she questions them with GENERAL WILLIAMS. The DRACONIAN PRINCE and his similar looking First Secretary stand behind the two spacemen, listening impassively.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: And you are quite sure it was a Draconian battle cruiser. STEWART: Of course, Madam. HARDY: They locked on, and boarded us. We saw them. They were Draconians. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Thank you. That will be all. I hope you will soon recover from your ordeal. (The two men nod and leave.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: (To the PRINCE.) Well, your Highness? DRACONIAN PRINCE: These men are your servants. They are saying what they have been ordered to say. GENERAL WILLIAMS: On this occasion, we have more than our servants to confront you with. We have captured two of your human agents. DRACONIAN PRINCE: We have no human agents. Subversion and espionage are expressly forbidden by the treaty of peace between our two empires. GENERAL WILLIAMS: A treaty which you have flagrantly broken. DRACONIAN PRINCE: (Annoyed.) I shall return to my embassy. (He turns to leave.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: (Urgently.) Just a moment please, your Highness. (Into intercom.) Bring them in. (The door hums open and the DOCTOR and JO and led in by a guard at blaster point.) GENERAL WILLIAMS: Now these people stowed away on the cargo ship. They transmitted signals which enabled your battlecruiser to home in on its prey. DRACONIAN PRINCE: I know nothing of this. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Perhaps you do not, but some servant of the Draconian empire employed them. DOCTOR: Madam? I can assure that I've never been employed by anybody! Least of all by the Draconians. DRACONIAN PRINCE: (Smiles.) Your servants should have been better rehearsed in their lies. GENERAL WILLIAMS: Or they're showing a misguided loyalty to their Draconian masters. DOCTOR: If we really were working for the Draconians, why did they leave us in your ship? GENERAL WILLIAMS: To act as spies when you were brought back to Earth. DOCTOR: Allow me to congratulate you, sir. You have the most totally closed mind that I've ever encountered! (To the PRESIDENT.) Madam, I beg of you to listen to me. Some third party is trying to provoke war between Earth and Draconia. You are both being duped. GENERAL WILLIAMS: Take them away. (The guard steps forward.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Just a minute, please. (To the DOCTOR.) Why should a third party wish to do this? DOCTOR: I've no idea, Madam, but believe me, that is what is happening. GENERAL WILLIAMS: (Impatiently.) Take them away. (The DOCTOR and JO are grabbed by two soldiers and hustled out. The DOCTOR yells back as he is led away.) DOCTOR: Now please listen to me! If you don't you'll be involved in a war that could cause the death millions! (The DRACONIAN PRINCE walks over to the PRESIDENT'S desk and looks haughtily down at her.) DRACONIAN PRINCE: Is this the evidence upon which you accuse me? PRESIDENT OF EARTH: I must ask you to convey a formal protest to your Emperor. (He strides towards the door...) DRACONIAN PRINCE: I shall inform him of this latest insult to the honour of the Draconian empire. (He and his secretary leave. The PRESIDENT sits with her head in her hands.) GENERAL WILLIAMS: We should have used the mind probe before we saw the ambassador. If we'd had a full confession...! PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Has it occurred to you that they might have been speaking the truth? GENERAL WILLIAMS: Huh! Is it likely? Mysterious alien giants that can change their form? A pocket spaceship that appear inside another? PRESIDENT OF EARTH: I suppose you're right. It is nonsensical. GENERAL WILLIAMS: Just you leave them to me. I'll get the truth out of them - eventually. [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. SECURITY BUILDING (The security headquarters is an ugly futuristic concrete construction, made up of blocks of buildings, ramps and walkways. All of these are patrolled by guards. Two of them lead the DOCTOR and JO up a couple of steps and along one of the walkways between guards posted at regular intervals. They are led up to a doorway in a higher point of the building.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. SECURITY BUILDING. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE CELL (They are then led along the corridor that leads back to their cell.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. SECURITY BUILDING. CELL (They enter their cell and the door hums closed. JO sits.) JO: Well, we've seen the President. DOCTOR: I've got to get them to listen to me - for their sakes as well as ours. JO: Well, why their sakes? DOCTOR: Well, that was a Draconian with the President, you know? Obviously an ambassador of some kind. JO: So? DOCTOR: Well, clearly Earth and Draconia are on the brink of war, and they both believe it's the others fault. JO: Well never mind about that. What about getting us out of here? DOCTOR: Well I can but try. (He takes out his sonic screwdriver and, after a smile at JO, examines the door.) DOCTOR: Yeah, seems a fairly conventional type of electronic lock - rather old-fashioned really. Here goes. (He switches the screwdriver on. A whine starts to build up, followed by a blaring alarm. The DOCTOR gives up with a rueful look.) DOCTOR: Yes, well, I think we'll sit here for a while after all. (The two sit quietly down as the alarm continues to blare...) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. EARTH. DRACONIAN EMBASSY. AMBASSADOR'S OFFICE (The office of the DRACONIAN ambassador is plain and functional. There is one white desk and a single white visitor's chair. A light sculpture hangs from the ceiling and a full length window in the corner overlooks a terrace and pleasant garden. The double doors open and the PRINCE and the First Secretary enter.) DRACONIAN PRINCE: But why? Why should they produce such an elaborate lie? DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: The ways of the Earthmen are devious. They're an inscrutable species. DRACONIAN PRINCE: Obviously they are preparing the next stage of their plan. First, the attacks on our ships and now - this. DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: Is it possible, your Highness, that for once the Earthmen spoke the truth? Some plan of the Emperor of which your Highness has not been informed? DRACONIAN PRINCE: The Emperor would not possibly contemplate such a plan. We do not break the treaty of peace. DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: Shall I prepare your Excellency's report to the Emperor on this meeting? DRACONIAN PRINCE: I must have more information. DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: It would be useful to question the humans who were found on the ship. DRACONIAN PRINCE: They are supposed to be prisoners. DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: (Meaningfully.) Prisoners have been known to escape, your Highness. DRACONIAN PRINCE: (Also meaningfully.) Not without help. And that would be a grave act of hostility. I could not possibly countenance such a plan. DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: But...should two escaping prisoners...seek sanctuary in this embassy, it would be uncivilised to turn them away. (The two aliens look at each other. The PRINCE smiles.) DRACONIAN PRINCE: I must not detain you longer. No doubt you have "duties" demanding your attention? DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: (Bows.) Your Highness. (He leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. EARTH. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE (The PRESIDENT stands in her office, looking into space and thinking. The desk monitor buzzes.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Yes? (Her SECRETARY appears on the screen.) SECRETARY: (On monitor.) The first secretary from the Draconian embassy wishes to speak you, Madam President. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Very well. (The picture changes to that of the First Secretary.) DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: (On monitor.) I'm honoured that you consent to speak to me, Madam President. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: What is it that you wish to say? DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: (On monitor.) It concerns the two Earthmen who were found on board your cargo ship. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Well? DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: (On monitor.) His Highness would like to question them - in your presence, of course, Madam President. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: For what purpose? DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: (On monitor.) His Highness feels that such an interrogation would help to convince you that they are not agents of Draconia. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: I shall have them brought here immediately. I suggest his Highness joins me here. We shall question them together. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. SECURITY BUILDING. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE CELL (Three guards, blasters ready, approach the DOCTOR and JO'S cell. The lead one presses the wall sensor and the door opens.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. SECURITY BUILDING. CELL (He enters. The DOCTOR and JO are still sat down on the bench.) CELL GUARD: On your feet. DOCTOR: Mmm, why? CELL GUARD: You heard me - move. DOCTOR: Not unless you give me some good reason. CELL GUARD: The President wants you. Is that good enough? JO: Perhaps she believed you? (The DOCTOR gets up.) DOCTOR: Are you sure it's the President? Not another ridiculous interrogation. CELL GUARD: I said move! DOCTOR: Come on, Jo, Perhaps we can convince them after all. (The two leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. SECURITY BUILDING (The two are led out into the sunlight that manages to permeate between the heavily guarded concrete blocks. Up above them, a blaster with sights fixed, is raised. It fires and the guard in front of the two prisoners falls to the ground. The DOCTOR pushes JO to the safety of one side. He looks up and sees that their attacker is a Draconian soldier. Another shot rings out and another Earth soldier falls.) GUARD: Move, ... ! (The guards start to return the fire but there are several Draconians and they have the advantage of surprise.) DOCTOR: Get up! Right! (The DOCTOR tries to lead JO away but they are quickly surrounded by the Draconians who have now dealt with most of the guards who lie dead around them. The DOCTOR tries to fight off the Draconians but a blaster is put to his neck. Nearby, JO runs up a flight of steps, pursued by three guards.) JO: Quickly - the Doctor! (At the top of the flight of steps, JO runs into a fourth guard. The other three run up and re-take her.) JO: But you don't understand! It's the Draconians - they've got the Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. EARTH. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE GENERAL WILLIAMS: We must demand the immediate withdrawal of the Draconian embassy. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Break off diplomatic relations completely? GENERAL WILLIAMS: (Angrily.) What diplomatic relations? The embassy staff have behaved like criminals. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: (Angrily.) We don't know that the ambassador was behind this! GENERAL WILLIAMS: The attackers were Draconians. They were clearly seen. The Draconian embassy tricked you into moving the prisoners, then mounted an armed attack in order to rescue their agents. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: Is the girl here? GENERAL WILLIAMS: She's outside now. (She presses the intercom.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: (Into intercom.) Bring the girl in. I wish to question her. GENERAL WILLIAMS: And the closing of the Draconian embassy. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: I do not intend to break off diplomatic relations! GENERAL WILLIAMS: But surely there's no alternative once this news gets out? PRESIDENT OF EARTH: (Firmly.) Then it mustn't, General Williams. It is your responsibility to ensure a complete security blackout on this incident. GENERAL WILLIAMS: (Surly.) Very well, Madam. Under protest. (The door hums open and JO is led in by a guard.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: (To the guard.) You can go. (The guard turns and leaves.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: (To JO.) Come forward, my dear. (JO nervously approaches her.) PRESIDENT OF EARTH: You realise that the escape of your colleague has left you in a very serious position? JO: But he didn't escape - he was kidnapped! GENERAL WILLIAMS: (Coldly.) He was rescued - by your Draconian paymasters. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: The wisest course you can take now is to make a full confession. Remember your colleague has left you to your fate. JO: Oh, but you've got it all wrong! You see, the Doctor was pleased when you sent for him because he wanted to talk to you. And... GENERAL WILLIAMS: (Interrupts.) We have eye witness reports on what occurred. PRESIDENT OF EARTH: We need to know how you came to work for the Draconians. GENERAL WILLIAMS: When were you recruited? How many agents do they have on Earth? What are their plans? PRESIDENT OF EARTH: If you tell us everything, I'll promise I'll see to it personally that you will be treated leniently. JO: (Desperately.) But I don't know what you're talking about! Look, we told you the truth when we first came here! We're not working for the Draconians. GENERAL WILLIAMS: We're wasting time. I suggest you let me apply deft interrogation techniques without delay. JO: Look, you can use your mind probe or whatever - I'm telling you the truth. [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. EARTH. DRACONIAN EMBASSY. AMBASSADOR'S OFFICE (The DOCTOR is sat in a chair in the middle of the floor by two Draconian guards. The PRINCE and the First Secretary are there.) DOCTOR: Well, I must say it's very nice of you gentlemen to invite me here. And where is Miss Grant? DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: Your companion is still with your fellow Earthmen. DOCTOR: Don't you realise what you've done? You've now finally convinced them that we're both Draconian agents. DRACONIAN PRINCE: There is no need to maintain this pretence. We know that you are both agents of the Earth government. DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: You're part of a plot against the Draconian empire! DOCTOR: My dear chap, I've already been through all this with the President of Earth. She thinks I'm working for you. DRACONIAN PRINCE: You are working for General Williams. DOCTOR: I'm what? DRACONIAN PRINCE: General Williams hates out people. Once before, he caused war between us and the Earthmen. Now he plans to do so again. DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: Such a war would be madness since both empires would be destroyed. DOCTOR: Yes, I couldn't agree with you more. That's exactly what I've been trying to say to you. The Earth cargo ship was not attacked by Draconians. DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: It was not attacked at all. The whole story is a lie! DOCTOR: I can assure you that it was attacked - but by Ogrons. DRACONIAN PRINCE: Ogrons? DOCTOR: Yes. Some third party's employing them trying to make trouble between Earth and Draconia. (The PRINCE and the First Secretary look at each other.) DRACONIAN PRINCE: (To the DOCTOR.) If you tell us the details of General Williams' plan, we shall be able to expose him to your President. There will still be a chance for peace. DOCTOR: My dear chap, nobody is more devoted to the cause of peace than I am. But I cannot tell you something that I don't know. DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: (Icily.) We have mind probing techniques just as efficient as those employed by you Earthmen. If you do not speak now, we shall force you to confess! (The DOCTOR slams his chair arm in anger and impatience.) DOCTOR: Don't you realise you're completely on the wrong tack? There is a plot - yes - but the Earthmen are not behind it, any more than you are. (The First Secretary gestures to the two guards.) DRACONIAN FIRST SECRETARY: Take him away! (They approach the chair. The DOCTOR stands, grabs the two guards and throws them forward towards the Secretary. He then does a backward flip on his chair as one of the guards goes for his blaster.) DRACONIAN PRINCE: No! (The DOCTOR runs through one of the open windows and onto the terrace followed by the Secretary and the guards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: EXT. EARTH. DRACONIAN EMBASSY (The exterior of the embassy is another futuristic building but this time of a warmer brick. The DOCTOR looks over the terrace edge and then climbs over it. He runs down to a lower terrace. One of the guards above yells down...) FIRST GUARD: Stop him! (There are two more guards on patrol below. They react as the DOCTOR runs down the planted terrace and raise their blasters.) SECOND GUARD: Halt! (The DOCTOR karate chops this guard and easily pushes down the next who tries to stop him. He jumps out onto a lawn and thus out of the embassy area. He is almost instantly surrounded by Earth guards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. SECURITY BUILDING. CELL (JO sits alone and concerned in the cell. The door hums open and the DOCTOR stands there at gunpoint. He waves.) DOCTOR: Hello, Jo. (He walks in and JO rushes up to him.) JO: Doctor, where've you been? (The door closes.) DOCTOR: I've been paying a brief but unwilling visit to the Draconian embassy. And I'm afraid I had to leave in rather a hurry and found myself back here. JO: Well, what happened? DOCTOR: Well, believe it or believe it not, Jo, they think we're working for General Williams and trying to provoke a war. JO: Oh no! (She slumps down on the bench disconsolately.) DOCTOR: Yes, Earth is blaming Draconia and Draconia is blaming Earth. JO: And both sides are blaming us. DOCTOR: That's about it. (Suddenly, JO hears the same pulsating signal that she heard on the cargo ship. She jumps to her feet with a look of fear on her face.) DOCTOR: What's the matter? JO: Well, that sound...the one I heard on the cargo ship. I think I can hear it again. [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. SECURITY BUILDING (Outside, the guards on the walkways also hear the sound. They look round for the source. One of them looks down from a ramp and sees the strange form of an Ogron below. He pulls out his blaster and sees the ape-like creature change into that of a Draconian - who promptly shoots the guard. A second running battle breaks out in the area, but this time between the far stronger Ogrons and the Earth guards. One Ogron is a casualty but they easily break through the cordon of guards and run up the stairways to the entrance door. There the sole guard sees the Ogrons as Draconians before they shoot him down. They then rush at the door...) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. SECURITY BUILDING. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE CELL (...smashing it down with little finesse. They shoot down the two guards who approach them and then shoot the lock of the DOCTOR and JO'S cell.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. SECURITY BUILDING. CELL (The door hums open and they enter, blasters pointed.) JO: Ogrons! OGRON: You - come!	Plan: A: Earth; Q: Where are the Doctor and Jo taken to? Summary: The Doctor and Jo are taken to Earth, where both humans and Draconians believe them to be a spy for the other side.
[Scene: Photography Studio. Piper, Leo, Wyatt and Chris are in front of a cloud backdrop posing for a family portrait.] Photographer: All right. Okay. How's this? Looks like a little angel. Piper: Uh, yeah, now that you mention it, not so big on the whole up there-y look. Maybe we should try the brown again. (The Photographer changes the backdrop.) Photographer: Okay, then. Let's do this. Piper: Uh, you know what? It is kind of blah, huh? I like the Moroccan one. Leo: Uh, Piper, other people are waiting. Piper: Yeah? Well, I've been waiting for years. Ever since Wyatt was born, I wanted a family portrait, and it's always one thing or another. He's going you know what and you're going bonkers. Leo: She exaggerates a little. Piper: Now that I have everyone here, I'm not gonna be pressured into making any hasty decisions. Leo: You know, at this point it wouldn't be. Piper: Look, can I help it if I just want it to be perfect? Leo: Piper, it's gonna be perfect no matter what the backdrop. You look beautiful. Photographer: Okay, then. Let's do this. All righty, then. Here we go. (He holds up a puppet octopus.) Happy octopus. (The Avatars appear near by.) Everyone say cheese. (The photographer takes the photo. Everyone freezes except Leo. He goes over to the Avatars.) Leo: Guys, this really isn't a good time. Beta: We wouldn't have come, but this can't wait. Leo: Neither can this. Gamma: It may be too late already. We've gotten word of something. Beta: Someone has information which could bring the sisters to us, help them to see the beauty of our way. Leo: Really? That's great. Are you sure? Alpha: Yes. But she's under attack by demons, even as we speak. You must save her and bring her home so she can share what she knows. Gamma: She may be our last, best chance at convincing the sisters. Leo: This isn't gonna go over very well. (Leo stands back in his position. The Avatars disappear. Everyone unfreezes.) Photographer: Good job. Nice smiles, everyone. Leo: Okay, got it, great. So, uh, I gotta go. Piper: Uh, we get three poses. Leo: I know, but something's come up. Photographer: Are we going to do this or what? Piper: It's the Elders, isn't it? What, we can't have a grace period? We can't have a normal family moment without them jingling? Leo: It's not always gonna be like this, Piper. Piper: And what, is it like a dog whistle now? Only you can hear it? Leo: You have keys to the car, right? (Leo leaves the room.) [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Four demons are there throwing fireballs across the room.] Demon: Try to see your way out of this one, traitor. (Leo orbs in and throws bolts of electricity at three demons and vanquishes them. One demon gets away. He walks behind a large rock and the Seer is laying there.) Leo: This can't be right. (He helps her up.) Seer: My hero. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Attic. Leo orbs in with the Seer.] Seer: Ooh, I have got a lump that won't quit from one of those little snits. Are you sure you can't heal a demon? Leo: Don't push it. I saved your life. Seer: Only because the stuffed shirts made you. Leo: You know, I still don't understand why you didn't just shimmer out. Seer: And miss you coming to meet me? That would've been rude. Plus, I'm eager to make a deal with your bosses. So, why did the Elders send you, anyway? They know we had a thing? Leo: We didn't have a thing. Seer: Mmm. Trying to put that ugly past behind you. I get it. Leo: Look, don't waste your seeing powers on me, okay? Seer: Don't have to be a Seer to know that. So, is this where it all happens? (She sees the Book of Shadows near by.) Oh, my god. Don't tell me. That's... (She gasps.) Leo: How about you tell me why your fellow demons are trying to kill you? Seer: The Elders didn't tell you? You know, you're hard to read. But that's okay. I like a challenge. Leo: Just answer the question. Seer: I'm selling them out for bigger and better things, and they're miffed. Not that they wouldn't do the same to me in a New York minute. Leo: All right. Well, I gotta fill Piper in. The sisters find you up here, they're gonna kill you. Seer: No, no. Actually, they won't. I've seen my death. No babes involved. Leo: All right, well, then they'll definitely kill me, so I need to break it to them gently. You stay here. (Leo leaves the room.) Seer: Okay. (The Seer runs over to the Book of Shadows and reaches for it. It closes itself and flies off its stand.) Damn. [Cut to the kitchen. Piper, Leo and Wyatt are there.] Piper: Don't make any loud noises. I have a soufflé in the oven and you have done enough damage for one day. Leo: I'm sorry. I know it was... Piper: I don't know what I was expecting. I don't know why I thought it would be different. I don't know why I thought we could have a normal family when you're just a blur. Leo: Well, that's a little extreme, don't you think? It's not like I'm running away all the time. It was once. Piper: No. No. I mean the picture. Mm-hm. (She shows him the family portrait.) In the picture you're just a blur. But you know what? What the heck. I'm gonna hang it anyway. Better than nothing. (Piper walks out of the kitchen. Leo follows.) Leo: I couldn't say no. It was important. (Piper walks up the stairs.) Piper: Yeah, and so is Paige's dinner date tonight with Kyle, so if you're done being errand boy for the Elders, can you give the kids a bath? Because I need to finish her dinner. (She takes a photo frame off the wall above the stairs and hangs the family portrait there instead.) Leo: They want us to protect a demon. Piper: They want us to do what? Leo: They want us to protect a demon just until, uh... Piper: Yeah. No, I heard you the first time and the answer is absolutely not. This is how things spiral out of control. [Cut to the bathroom. Paige is standing in front of the mirror wearing a black dress with sparkly trim. Paige comes up behind her holding a green top.] Phoebe: So I think you should wear this green top. It's really cute. You could wear it with jeans, and you'll be comfy, and he'll be comfy. Paige: I'm dressed. I am not changing. Go away. Phoebe: I know. But, honey, don't you think that's a little much for a house date? I mean, he's gonna walk in the door and wanna throw you down on the floor. Paige: Exactly. Phoebe: All right. But look at this one. It's sparkly. It's soft. It's cashmere. Paige: I already have butterflies in my stomach, honey. I just, I don't need Cupid fluttering around me also. Phoebe: You really do look beautiful. Here. Let me get this for you. (Phoebe zips up Paige's dress.) Paige: Thank you. Phoebe: I cannot believe that I have hooked up so many couples in this town and does my own sister listen to me? No. Paige: I took your advice and made a home cooked meal, even though I can't cook. Phoebe: Yeah. Minor detail. The point is, you'll be home, you'll be on your turf. You don't have to talk about Avatar stuff. Paige: I hope that's all that's holding him back. Phoebe: Oh, honey, he's a workaholic. I mean, there's chemistry between you guys, right? Paige: There is so much chemistry, I feel like I'm... Phoebe: Okay, you know what? I don't need to hear how you feel. This is gonna work out because it's too good for it not to. Paige: You think so? Phoebe: Yes, I do. (They walk into the hallway.) But just to make sure, I'd wear the green top. Paige: Enough with the green shirt. (The Seer walks into the hallway.) Seer: You're right. He'll love what you have on. Phoebe: Paige. Demon. No active power. Do something! Paige: Mirror! (The mirror orbs off the wall and heads for the Seer. The Seer dodges the mirror and it crashes into the wall.) Seer: Is that my bad luck or yours? Paige: Plant! (The Seer screams and runs.) Seer: Leo, a little help, please! Phoebe: Did she just call for Leo? [Cut to the Dining Room. Piper and Leo are walking through it.] Piper: There is a demon in the attic, and you didn't tell me? Leo: I tried, but you wouldn't let me. Piper: Oh, sure. Blame me. (Piper sees the Seer coming down the stairs.) Piper: Good god. (Piper goes to blow her up but Leo pushes her. Piper misses the Seer and hits the family portrait on the wall. The Seer hides behind Leo. Phoebe and Paige walk down the stairs.) What is your problem? Are you crazy? Leo: Hold your fire. I brought her here. We need to protect her. She has information that we need. Phoebe: I don't think so. Piper, are you okay? Paige: Okay, Kyle's coming tonight. There will be no demons in this house. Piper: Not any night. Seer: That surly one is your wife? Piper: Surly? Do you know her? Paige: Who cares? Just blow her up. Leo: You can't. Piper: Watch me. Seer: Fine. Kill me. Who cares if I have enough to kill all upper-level demons? Leo: I really think you should hear her out. Seer: Especially after hunky guy here went to all that trouble to rescue me from those demons. Phoebe: So, wait. Are you telling me the Elders are getting us to save demons from other demons? Piper: Unbelievable. Leo: It's not what you think. The demons don't want her working with us. We just have to protect her until... (The doorbell rings.) Paige: Okay. That's Kyle. Get upstairs. Seer: Relax, relax. Everything's gonna be great, and later, everything's gonna be really, really great. (Phoebe and the Seer head up the stairs.) Paige: Really? Seer: (to Phoebe) Hey, easy with the goods there, sister. (to Paige) Just don't let him eat the eggplant. Piper: What? What's wrong with my eggplant? (Paige opens the door.) Paige: Hi. Brody: Hey. You look beautiful. (He hands her a bunch of white roses.) Paige: Thank you. Brody: You're welcome. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Dozens of angry demons are there.] Thrull Demon: She's a traitor! Vulture Demon: The Seer must die! (They all start shouting.) Thrull Demon: Quiet! The Seer is protected by The Charmed Ones now. We'll never get to her before she sells us out. We have no choice but to release Zankou. Vulture Demon: No. Zankou can never be freed. Swarm King: She's right. The Source banished him for good reasons. He's too powerful. Demon's Voice: He'll control us all! Thrull Demon: We need his powers to go up against the witches. Shouter Demon: What the Seer tells them will destroy us all. She must be stopped or we'll die. I say free Zankou. (The Swarm King vanquishes the Thrull demon.) Or not. Swarm King: Anyone else afraid to go up against the Charmed Ones? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Dining Room. Brody is sitting at the table. Paige walks in with a dish.] Brody: So not only do you run a school and battle demons, you cook too? (Paige sits at the table.) Paige: Well, actually, I, uh... Would you like some eggplant? Brody: Um, actually, no, I can't. I'm allergic to eggplant. Paige: Really? Interesting. Brody: Besides, I'm stuffed. It was really great, though. I can't remember the last time I had a home cooked meal. Paige: Well, I'm glad we put a stop to that. So, I like you, you like me. I really don't see what the big problem is. Brody: Wow. You just say whatever pops into your mind, huh? Paige: And you're avoiding the question. Brody: Well, I don't really know how to answer it. Paige: Okay. Just... Why don't you just tell me what's on your mind? Brody: Okay. Do you remember a while ago, I, um, I told you I didn't have any secrets? Paige: Please tell me you're not married. Brody: No, no, no, no. It's nothing like that. It's more like... Paige, I don't want you to be disappointed in me. Paige: What if I told you I did not cook this meal? (He laughs.) Brody: You didn't, huh? Paige: No. I can't cook. I talked Piper into doing it for me. Do you hate me? Brody: No. No, I don't. (They kiss. The doorbell rings and they ignore it. Phoebe runs down the stairs.) Phoebe: Don't mind me. As you were. (Phoebe goes to the door.) Paige: I think maybe we should go upstairs. (Paige and Kyle head for upstairs. Phoebe opens the front door.) Phoebe: Darryl, hey. Now is not really a good time. Not that I'm not glad to see you. Darryl: Listen, um, I'm here about Inspector Sheridan, Phoebe, and what I think he did to her. Phoebe: Okay, well, what's going on? Did you find her? Darryl: No, and when I confronted Brody on it, he said that she jumped to a top secret task force, and that's why there's no record. Phoebe: So that's it, right? Darryl: No. There's always a record somewhere. So I looked for something that maybe you could scry with. Phoebe: And? Darryl: Listen. Her apartment, her records, her files, all have been cleaned out. It's like it was a professional job. Someone does not want me to find her. And I think that someone just went upstairs with your sister. Phoebe: Forget happy endings. We can't even have a happy beginning. (He pulls out a pen.) Darryl: Look, I found this jammed behind Sheridan's desk. I mean, it's a long shot. But, you know, if she used it. Phoebe: I'll see what I can do. [Cut to the attic. Piper, Leo and the Seer are there. Leo is placing crystals on the floor. The Seer is laying on the couch.] Seer: Oh, and, um, can you get me one of those cute little scrunchie-faced dogs? A shar-pei, I think they're called. Oh, I always wanted a pet. Oh, and if you could throw in a lap pool, that would be great. Leo: You know, you might wanna narrow it down to your top ten demands. Seer: Hey. I've got something you want, okay? And the minute I spill my guts, I have no more bargaining chips. So I'm milking it for all I can. Piper: Were the boys okay when you left? Leo: Yes. Miss Donovan was reading to them. Seer: Did you get the shar-pei down? Piper: You know, because Chris has that rash and Wyatt's been a little cranky. Leo: They're fine. I don't know why you're worried so much. We leave them there all the time. Piper: Exactly. They spend more time at magic school lately than they do at home. Seer: She's right, you know. Piper: You stay out of it. Leo: Look, I don't wanna leave them there any more than you do. But we need to take care of this before the demons attack. Seer: On that note, let's move this along, shall we? Piper: See? It's just endless. I'm never gonna be able to spend any real time with my kids while we're single-handedly trying to rid the world of demons. Seer: Hello? I'm a demon you can get rid of. Preferably before I'm ambushed again. Piper: Okay, here's her list. Go see what the Elders have to say. (Piper hands Leo the list.) Seer: Hold on there, Sugar. I've got one more thing I'd like to add to that list, and it's something only the Elders can give. And it's a deal-breaker. I wanna be made human. Piper: What? Why in the hell would a powerful demon want to be made human? Seer: Hell being the operative word, as in, I live there and it sucks. Piper: You know what? I don't think you know anything. I think it's all just one big scam. How do we have any proof? (Three demons appear in the attic.) Swarm King: Hello, beautiful. (He throws a fireball at the Seer and it scrapes her on the arm. She dives over the couch.) Seer: Ow! (Leo vanquishes the demons with streams of electricity.) I can't believe I slept with that guy. (Three more demons appear in the attic.) Piper: (to the Seer) Okay, apparently the cage is not working so great for you, so just stay down. (Piper blows up the demons.) [Cut to the hallway. Phoebe and Paige are heading for the attic.] Phoebe: How's it going in there? Paige: Not loving the demon interruptus. (They walk into the attic. The Seer comes out from behind the couch.) Seer: Is that proof enough for ya, sweetie? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper looks at some broken baby furniture.] Piper: Well, I guess Chris won't be using this. I gotta stop trying to keep anything nice in this house. (Leo looks at the Seer's wound.) Seer: Ouch! You know, that hurts. Piper: Yeah, well, get used to it, 'cause if this is a setup. Leo: This is not a setup. Paige: Can someone please just remind me why, uh, we are protecting a demon? Piper: Well, apparently, she's selling out all of her buddies. So we're doing the witness protection thing. You know, if you want us to make a deal with the Elders to make you human, I think you need to give us something. Paige: Wait. Back up. Did you say human? Seer: I know, I know. I wouldn't actually have a soul, but I could live with that. Phoebe: This is so weird. Paige: Okay, and also a waste of my time. Because I was in the middle of something. Seer: Okay, okay, fine. I'll give you something. A little enticement. Paige: Bated breath. Seer: Okay, sure. I have a little black Book of Demons. But I also have the skinny on a little thing called the Avatars. Leo: What do you know about the Avatars? (Brody walks in.) Brody: Yeah. What do you know about them? Seer: (to Paige) Oh. Didn't I tell you he'd like the dress? Paige: Stop doing that. Brody: Can we get back to the Avatars, please? Seer: I know that they're close, closer than you think. Could be here any minute. (Brody walks out of the attic.) Paige: Kyle. (Paige follows Brody.) Phoebe: Okay, pow-wow. Pow-wow. Let's go. (Piper, Phoebe and Leo head for the door. The Seer follows.) Not you. You stay here. (Piper, Phoebe and Leo walk down the stairs.) Okay, here's what I don't get. Why does the Seer want to be human if the Avatars are so close? Piper: Yeah, you'd think she'd want to be evil if evil was about to take over. Leo: Unless the Avatars are good. Phoebe: Yeah, right. Is that possible? Piper: Either way, I just need her gone, and I want my boys home. (to Leo) So why don't you go up to the Elders and see if you can make a deal? Phoebe: Meantime, I'll stay with the Seer. Since we have similar powers, maybe I can tap into hers and find out what she really knows. Piper: Good. Go. (Piper and Phoebe walk away.) Leo: (whispers) You've put me in an awkward position. (The Avatars appear.) Why didn't you tell me I was rescuing a demon? Gamma: There wasn't time. She was about to be killed. Beta: Besides, we couldn't take the chance that you would say no. Too much is at stake. Leo: You're taking an even bigger risk by parking a demon in the house. Alpha: We know it's dangerous, Leo. But we're at a crossroads. Gamma: Agent Brody is a threat we didn't count on. He has the means to destroy us and the passion to turn them against us. Alpha: We're taking a calculated risk in the hopes of guiding the sisters toward the right road. Leo: This isn't calculated. It's foolhardy. The Seer's unpredictable. She'd out me in a heartbeat. Beta: Except she thinks you're just an Elder since she sent her message to them. We simply intercepted it. Leo: She'll see through me. Gamma: She won't if you get her what she wants quickly. Make the deal. Leo: Think about it, Leo. With her power, she can literally show the sisters our future, help them to understand what we're offering in a way no one else can. Not even you. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. The demons are there.] Shouter Demon: They should be back by now. Vulture Demon: They're dead. The witches killed them. Shapeshifter: Yeah, well, we'll all be dead soon if we don't pull out all the stops. Vulture Demon: And what stops are you pulling out, Shapeshifter? You're a coward with no power. Shapeshifter: I'm just saying. Shouter Demon: I'm telling you, we should release Zankou. Vulture Demon: No way. [Scene: Manor. The Seer is there flipping through a photo album. Phoebe walks in.] Seer: You know, you girls really should take better care of your things. There are some singed pages here. Phoebe: Well, you should tell your demon friends to be more careful when they attack next. Seer: Look at this. You're like a family, and there's, like, pictures of fun times and stuff. Phoebe: Look at Wyatt. That's his first birthday. (Phoebe touches the Seer's hand.) Seer: Yeah. Phoebe: Are those my earrings? Seer: Yeah. Sorry. They called out to me. (Phoebe touches the earrings.) You're so close, and-and you like each other, and you're happy and... (Phoebe touches the Seer's shoulder.) Phoebe: Happy and...? Seer: And could you push a little harder on that right shoulder? If you're not gonna get a premonition, you could at least work out that knot. Phoebe: Can't blame a girl for trying, you know? Seer: Hey, when I first started getting my visions, I had to touch people too. Phone. Phoebe: Hm? Seer: Phone. (Phoebe's cell rings.) Phoebe: Oh, phone. You're good. (She answers it.) Hello? Uh, Darryl, now's not really a good time again. Let me call you back? All right. (Phoebe hangs up.) I mean, not that I'm okay with you stealing my stuff, but those earrings really do look amazing on you. Then again, what wouldn't? Seer: You know, Sugar, much as I enjoy the flattery and the bonding and even the touching, you're not getting anything out of me until you make me human. Phoebe: Okay. I get it. But what I don't get is why you want to be human. I mean, did the bad stuff just start to get to you after a while? Seer: No. The good stuff did. In my line of work, I see a lot and good and bad, and the good's just better. Problem is, I can see it, but I can't feel it. Phoebe: That's the thing about vision. It's a blessing and a curse. Seer: Yep. You know, being a demon is about feeding the endless emptiness, and I'm sick of it. I long for the subtle notes in between. Phoebe: And the Avatars have something to do with that, right? I'm just not sure what. (She looks at the Seer.) Right. Bargaining chip. Seer: Look, it's not like I'm being tight-lipped and mean for no reason. I can't give you what you want, or I won't get what I want. I see. You're not even sure I have anything you want. Phoebe: Look, I want to trust you. I really do. But you're a demon. Seer: How about I help you with your other problem instead? You know, the thing with the cop. Uh, Sheridan. If I find her for you, then would you trust me? (Phoebe hands her Sheridan's pen.) [Scene: Brody's Apartment. Paige and Brody are there. Brody pulls a suitcase out of the closet.] Paige: What the hell are you doing? Brody: We're wasting time. We should've orbed in. Paige: Well, yeah. That's why I drove, thinking maybe it'd give you time to chill out a little. Brody: Look, if the Avatars are on the way like the Seer says, we've gotta be prepared. (He takes the vial out of the suitcase.) Paige: Okay, what the hell is that? You're kind of freaking me out. Brody: It's why the Avatars killed my parents. It's a vanquishing potion that kills them. Paige: I didn't know one existed. Brody: Neither did they. They didn't even know what they found. All they knew was that this ancient civilization fought off this great power with it. The Avatars went into retreat -- till now. Paige: Well, I think that's great. Now you have the potion, we know where it is, and, uh, we can just put it away and bring it out if we need it. Brody: Paige, I have spent my entire life preparing for this moment when I can finally meet them face to face. Paige: Look, you have to let my sisters and I help. This is what we do. I know you've had a lot of pain. Okay? One potion is not gonna fix everything. Would you please just let us help you? Brody: No. This is my fight. You don't know what I've had to do to get this far. Paige: What do you mean? Brody: I told you. I've done some things that I'm not very proud of. Paige: We all have. (They kiss.) [Scene: Magic School. Leo and Odin are there.] Odin: We don't negotiate with demons. Leo: Well, she could give us everything we need to go after every upper-level demon. Odin: In exchange for making her human? I don't think so. We have more pressing concerns than demons, like the Avatars. Leo: She might know something about them too. Odin: What does she know? Leo: She's cagey. But I get the feeling that she might have foreseen something about them. Odin: Well. Then that might be worth bargaining for. But we need to know what she knows first. Then, and only then, will we see about giving her what she wants. (Odin orbs out.) [Scene: Outside Hawkbrook Mental Health Facility. Darryl is waiting there. Phoebe and the Seer appear.] Phoebe: Darryl. Darryl: You're late. Who is this? Phoebe: Uh, the Seer. Seer, Darryl. Darryl, Seer. Let's see if Sheridan's here, shall we? Darryl: Whoa, hold on a second here. You really think after all this time I wouldn't recognize a demon? I can't believe you brought a demon. Phoebe: Actually, she brought me. Seer: Go easy on him. His wife's had him sleeping on the couch all week. Darryl: How does she know that? Phoebe: Seer. Get it? She sees things. She's perfectly harmless and actually very good at what she does. I can't hold a candle to her. Seer: Oh, that's so sweet, and so not true. (to Darryl) And don't worry. She'll get over it. Just bring her some of that marzipan that she likes. Darryl: You think... You mean, like, the little fruit? I can't believe I'm listening to a demon. Phoebe: Don't be rude. She found this place. Let's go. Darryl: What a fool I was thinking that this crazy-ass stuff wouldn't happen anymore like-like this. (The Seer walks onto the grass and starts spinning.) Phoebe: I know. It's why you don't hang out with us anymore. But you got to admit it, you sort of miss it, don't you? Darryl: Phoebe, what is your demon friend doing? (Phoebe rushes to the Seer.) Phoebe: Uh-oh. Okay. There's plenty of time for this when you're human. Seer: Oh, come on. Take off your shoes and let me feel the grass through you. Phoebe: Yeah. We gotta get back before Leo does. Otherwise, he'll flip. You coming, Darryl? (They walk inside the building.) Seer: What kind of place is this? Phoebe: It's a mental hospital. Seer: Oh, whoa. I've never seen this side of good in my visions before. It's so bad. Phoebe: Yeah. Well, there's a downside to being able to feel things sometimes. Seer: Well, I'd still take good that's not always good over bad that's never good. Phoebe: Somehow, I know exactly what you mean. Seer: Yeah. (They walk to a door.) I'd try that one. (Darryl opens the door. The walk into an office. Across the room is another door.) There's more. (They open the door. Inside the room, Sheridan is laying in a bed.) Darryl: It's Sheridan. Phoebe: Oh my god. Darryl: I told you Brody did something to her. (Phoebe rings Paige on her cell.) Phoebe: Paige, please pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. [Cut to Brody's Apartment. Paige is in bed with Brody. Her cell phone vibrates on a table near by.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Phoebe, Leo and the Seer are walking down the stairs.] Phoebe: Leo, we need to get Paige away from Kyle before she ends up in a coma, too. Leo: You know, I just can't get over the fact that you were crazy enough to take the Seer out of the house. Phoebe: Well, I needed to find out if she was dating a madman, and I did, and she is. So please, Leo, you need to go get her. Leo: You know, you could've waited for me, and I could've taken her. Seer: I came back, didn't I? Leo: Because you need us. Phoebe: And because she likes us. Leo: Okay, are you two buddy-buddies starting to read each other? Seer: What are you afraid of, anyway? That I'm gonna tell her your dirty little secret? Leo: What makes you think I have any secrets? Phoebe: Hey, you guys, Paige is in danger. We have to get Piper out of magic school so we can get Paige out of Kyle's apartment, please. Please. Leo: Okay. But don't go anywhere, and make sure these potions are near you, okay? (He hands her a potion.) She's no good to us dead. And don't make me come back and separate you. (Leo orbs out.) Phoebe: So, okay, so if the Avatars are bad, wouldn't it be safer for you just to stay a demon? Seer: You're wondering if hubby is wrong about the avatars. Phoebe: Yeah. I mean, is it possible that they're good? Is it really possible? Seer: It's a smart question, one I'm sure to answer for you once I get my lap pool and the ability to feel. Phoebe: Fine. But first you're gonna have to ID some of your demon buddies for me. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Demons walk down some stairs holding torches.] Shapeshifter: We could be making a huge mistake here. Shouter Demon: We don't have a choice. (They approach a small volcano-like dirt mound with a blue light rising out of the top. Inside the blue light is swarming black dots that are bee-like. The Wizard demon holds his staff against the mound.) Wizard Demon: Lexonero bestia! Lexonero! (The blue light disappears and the bee-like dots are freed. They form into Zankou.) Zankou: Finally. Too bad The Source isn't still alive. I owe him for this. One of you was against freeing me. Who was it? Vulture Demon: It was me. I figured The Source incarcerated you for a reason, because you're too dangerous. Zankou: I like an honest demon. Now, where's The Seer? Shouter Demon: You know about...? Zankou: I could sense it all from my prison. I even know about the Avatars. Shouter Demon: The demonic forces await your word. Zankou: A legion won't get past the Charmed Ones. But a Shapeshifter might. Shapeshifter: I'm a shapeshifter. Zankou: Good. Good. Good. (Zankou reaches into the shapeshifter's chest and absorbs his powers. The shapeshifter is vanquished.) Now I'm one too. [Scene: Brody's Apartment. Piper and Leo are in the hallway. Brody opens the door.] Brody: Piper, Leo. Come in. (Paige comes out from the bedroom wearing one of Brody's shirts.) Paige: Hey, guys. What's up? Piper: (mumbles to Leo) Oh, so much for breaking it to her before it's too late. (to Paige) Uh, what's up is, uh, that, you know how Morris was looking into how maybe Sheridan... Tell 'em, Leo. Leo: Phoebe and Morris found Sheridan in a mental institution. She was in a coma, and we believe you put her there. Paige: Yeah. I actually know. Kyle told me. Piper: You know? And you're okay with this? Paige: Well, um, we all do things we're not proud of sometimes. Right, Leo? Leo: I think that's a little different. He shot an innocent. Brody: With a tranq-dart. Piper: Then put her in a coma. Paige: He did that to help. To help us. She was gonna expose us. Brody: Look, guys, it's just temporary. Okay? She's completely safe. And I will bring her out of it, right after the Avatar threat's over with. Leo: After losing a chunk of her life? Paige: You of all people should understand the sacrifice. Whatever he's done is to try to help rid the world of evil. Leo: It appears to me that he's the evil, not the Avatars. Brody: What, are you insane? Of course they're evil. Leo, they killed my parents. Piper: Okay. Uh, this is gonna take a while to figure out. Why don't you get dressed so we can go. Paige: I'm not gonna go, Piper. I'm staying here. (Leo orbs out with Piper.) That went swimmingly. [Scene: Manor. Dining Room. Phoebe and the Seer are there. Phoebe is flipping through the Book of Shadows.] Seer: Okay. Furies. Toxic. Emphasis on "ick". Hate me. Oh, the Grimlocks. Emphasis on the "grim". Hate me. Phoebe: Okay, so what I'm gathering is pretty much every demon in this book hates you? Seer: Pretty much. Which is sad because they're my family. Well, I mean, it would be sad if I had feelings. Phoebe: Well, don't worry, I'm gonna put something in the spell about that. Seer: Thanks. You really care about what happens to me, don't you? Phoebe: Yeah, I do, I guess. Seer: That's nice. I like that. (They smile. Leo and Piper orb in.) Phoebe: Hey. Where's Paige? Piper: She stayed with Kyle. Phoebe: What? Even after you told her? Leo: We didn't get a chance to. Kyle beat us to the punch. Piper: And apparently she's okay with it. Phoebe: Yeah, well, you know what? I am not okay with it. Piper: Well, neither am I. But first things first. We need to get this little demon creature out of the house. Leo: We need to get the information about the Avatars so I can use it as leverage against the Elders. Seer: You know my terms. Piper: Your terms are ridiculous. Leo: Look, what if I personally guarantee you get what you want? Seer: Oh, I'm supposed to trust you now? Piper: What is with you two? Seer: Look, all I know is the Avatars are a powerful force, and your secret weapon is locked in here. (She points to her head.) Piper: Ugh! Phoebe, would you please speak to her? Phoebe: Okay. Remember how you said that you can sense that I care about you? Seer: Mm-hm. Phoebe: Well, I can sense that you care about me too. So, please, give me the information that we need. Seer: I can't tell you. But I can show you. (The Seer holds out her hands. Phoebe places her hands on top of the Seer's. Their hands glow. Phoebe smiles.) Piper: Phoebe? [Cut to Phoebe's Vision. Phoebe is waiting outside a school. An older Wyatt, an older Chris and a girl run over to her.] Wyatt: Hi, Aunt Phoebe. Phoebe: Hi, Wyatt. (to Chris) Hi, big guy. Girl: Mummy, mummy! (The girl hugs Phoebe and Phoebe picks her up.) Phoebe: Hi. What are you doing, my little lady bug? Girl: Mummy, Chris was scaring me about the demons again. Phoebe: Chris, it's not nice to tease. What did I tell you about the demons? They don't exist anymore. Not since the Avatars. [Cut to the Dining Room.] Piper: She's smiling, right? That's good. Seer: She's seeing Utopia. No demons. Beyond good and evil. (Suddenly, Phoebe receives a premonition. In the premonition, the Seer is trying to run from Zankou.) Zankou: You betrayed me. And now you pay. (Zankou vanquishes the Seer. The premonition ends.) Piper: What? What was it? What happened? Phoebe: I saw the most beautiful thing ever... And the most terrible. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Piper, Phoebe, Leo and the Seer walk into the parlor.] Seer: Now you know why I'm doing this. Phoebe: Yeah. With no demons in the future, you'd be extinct. Seer: If I even get to that future, which, if Zankou has his way, I won't. Leo: But let's just keep in mind that the future's volatile, okay? The choices me make, the things we do, could change it. What you saw may never happen. Phoebe: But if the good part of what I saw can happen, that would be great, because it was incredible. I was so happy and calm and peaceful, and my little girl. Oh, god, she was so cute. Seer: Yeah. Not normally big on the rug rats, but she was cute. Phoebe: Now I'm even more worried about Paige. Kyle wants to destroy something that could potentially be really great. Piper: Okay, hang on a second. We don't know any of this for sure, and even you made the Avatar future seem threatening. Seer: Well, duh. If I made it sound peachy, you wouldn't have helped me. The fact is, I didn't see anything threatening. How about you, Leo? (Leo doesn't say anything.) Piper: Okay, seriously, what is it with you two? Seer: Are you gonna tell her, or shall I? I told you I liked a challenge. So what's it gonna be? Leo: Look, apparently what she has seen, is that I know the Avatars are good, because I'm an Avatar. Piper: What? That's insane. What does that mean? Leo: That means I believe in what they want. A world beyond good and evil. Phoebe: Wait. Are you saying that you've been living in our house as an Avatar, and you haven't told us? Leo: Look, I'm the same old Leo. Piper: Only not. Is this how you went from psycho crazy guy to happy-happy guy? Because you became an Avatar? Leo: What changed for me was knowing that we could have this life that we always wanted. A life without demons, you know? They showed me this peaceful world. Happy, like Phoebe saw in her vision. Piper: The point is not happy. The point is, why didn't you tell me? Leo: Well, I couldn't tell you until you were ready. Everybody has to come to the truth in their own time. Piper: Okay, Leo, you know what? Don't guru-talk me, because you are in far too much trouble if you think... Seer: Okay. Guys, guys, can we just put this on hold for a second? Phoebe: She's right. This can wait. She can't. I've seen her vanquish, and we have to make her human right now. She held up her end of the deal. Now it's the Elders' turn. Leo: Okay, well, I can't exactly go to the Elders and say, "The Seer saw Utopia." They're not gonna believe me. Phoebe: No, but they'll believe me. (to the Seer) Piper's gonna help you get your stuff together for your new life. And if I were you, I'd go upstairs and get the dress that matches those earrings, because you're gonna look amazing in it. We'll be right back with the spell. (Leo orbs out with Phoebe.) [Cut to Magic School. Odin is there reading a book. Leo orbs in with Phoebe. Phoebe clears her throat. Odin looks up.] Odin: What is she doing here? Phoebe: I'm here to give you what you want. Odin: So. The Seer told you something. Leo: Yes. She told us that the Avatars' future is a Utopia. Odin: That's not possible. Phoebe: I've seen it. Odin: It's gonna take more than that. Phoebe: That's why I'm here to show it to you. (Phoebe holds out her hands. Odin places his hands on top of hers. He receives the Utopia vision.) Odin: It's not possible. This must be some sort of trick. Phoebe: You've seen the vision. Take your time sorting it out. But I will need that spell. Odin: But this might be all a sham. Phoebe: Then it's not the Seer's fault. She's just the messenger. But you do have to honour your end of the deal. [Scene: Manor. Hallway. Paige orbs in. Piper walks out of a room carrying a bag.] Piper: Oh. Hey. I'm glad you're here. I was worried about you. Paige: Oh, I was picking up some clothes. Piper: Oh. Well, if you're looking for your red winter jacket with the missing button, I, uh, gave it to the Seer. Paige: Why? Do demons feel cold? Piper: Except she won't be a demon anymore. Paige: So, the Seer told us something about the Avatars? Piper: Even better. Because of their shared power, she was able to give Phoebe her vision. Paige: How bad was it? Piper: That's the thing. According to Phoebe, it was good. Paige: And you're willing to believe a demon over Kyle. Piper: I don't believe one way or another. I'm just trying to keep an open mind. Paige: Piper, everything we know about them, everything, points to them being killers. Piper: Don't you think that maybe we should explore what they're all about just in case? Paige: Explore what? How about this. Why don't you explore? When you find something out, give me a call, because I'll be there to vanquish it with Kyle's potion. Okay? (Paige storms off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. The Seer is looking at herself in the mirror wearing a pink dress. Piper walks in.] Piper: You know, I don't think Phoebe would mind throwing in some shoes. Seer: Oh. Thanks, but I won't need them. Soon as I'm human, I'm hoping your guy will orb me to Golden Gate Park and I can finally run through that grass. Piper: Have you thought of a name for yourself? Seer: Oh! It's Kyra. It always has been. It's just everyone calls me, uh, the Seer. Okay, honestly, now. How do I look? I've never worn anything so... fun. Piper: Kyra, you look great. Seer: Thanks. (Phoebe walks in.) Piper: Did you get the spell? Phoebe: Oh, Leo's got it. He's downstairs trying to convince Paige not to leave. Piper: Yeah, I know, I already tried. Um, look, we're kinda pushing it here. The demon could show up any minute, so... Phoebe: Maybe you should get the spell. Piper: Yeah. (Piper walks out of the attic.) Phoebe: Hey, you look really great. Seer: Sure you don't mind me borrowing it? Phoebe: No, not at all. Although I'm much more of a black kind of guy myself. I think it's a lot more appropriate for a funeral. Don't you, Kyra? Seer: Wait. How did you... (Phoebe grabs the Seer by the neck. She shapeshifts into Zankou.) Zankou: Hello, Sugar. Seer: Did I call you that ever? What I meant to say was, "Hello, swirling particles of scum." Zankou: You always were amusing. But still, I can't allow you to betray us all just to save your own ass. (He pushes her backwards and throws bee-like particles at her. She screams.) It's good to be back. (Leo orbs in with Phoebe. Zankou disappears. Piper walks in. The Seer is vanquished.) Piper: That wasn't you. Phoebe: That was the demon from my vision. Piper: We can't keep doing this. There's gotta be a better way. Phoebe: There is a better way. She showed it to me, and it was beautiful. I think I want to meet them. Leo: And I want you to, but I think you need a clear mind to do so, and I don't know that now's the right time. Piper: Now is the best time. Leo: You sure? Piper: We're sure. Call them. (Leo closes his eyes and concentrates. The Avatars appear.) We're listening.	Plan: A: Leo; Q: Who is the Avatars insist that protect Kira? A: a seer; Q: What is Kira? A: the demons; Q: What does Kira have information about that can help the Avatars destroy? A: Phoebe; Q: Who does Kira share a vision of a future with no demons with? A: an Avatar; Q: What does Leo admit to being? A: opposition; Q: What do Kyle and Paige find themselves in to Leo, Piper, and Phoebe? A: Zankou; Q: Who kills Kira? A: the manor; Q: Where does Zankou kill Kira? Summary: The Avatars insist that Leo protect Kira , a seer, because she has information that can help them destroy the demons and help the sisters reconcile themselves to the Avatars. Kira shares with Phoebe a vision of a future in which there are no demons, leading the sisters to consider the possibility that the Avatars might be good and allowing Leo the opportunity to admit he is an Avatar. Kyle and Paige find themselves in opposition to Leo, Piper, and Phoebe. Zankou is released by a congregation of lesser demons fearing the Avatars and the sisters. Zankou invades the manor and kills Kira.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.] Ross: Hey! Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe: Hey! Ross: I'm sorry I'm late, did I miss anything? Phoebe: Joey stuffing 15 Oreos in his mouth. (Joey, with an obvious mouth full, nods yes.) Ross: 15? (Joey nods again) Your personal best! (Ross takes an Oreo and Joey mumbles, no!) Phoebe: Where were you? Ross: Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum upstate. (simultaneously) Chandler: Oh, yeah! How did you meet her? Phoebe: Oh, which museum? Phoebe: (just Phoebe) No, answer his. Ross: Okay, it was just me and her at the back of the train, and I sat near the door, so she'd have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my mercy. Chandler: Were you so late because you were burring this woman? Ross: No, I'm getting back down 'cause she lives in Poughkeepsie. She seems really great, but she's like totally great, but she lives two and a half hours away. Chandler: How can she be great if she's from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they all look at him) That joke would've killed in Albany. Joey: Done! I did it! Heh, who's stupid now? (He smiles and has cookie remains all over his teeth.) OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.] Chandler: Hey, look at this! (Holding a newspaper) They're lighting the big Christmas tree tonight. Phoebe: Umm, that paper's two weeks old. Chandler: All right, who keeps leaving old newspapers in the trash?! I really wanted to take Kathy to this, I can't believe I missed it. Rachel: Hey, y'know, at least you have somebody to miss that stuff with! I hate being alone this time of year! Next thing you know it'll be Valentine's Day, then my birthday, then bang!-before you know it, they're lighting that damn tree again. Ohh, I want somebody! (hearing this, Gunther moves in) Y'know, I want a man!! (Gunther leaves depressed) I mean, it doesn't even have to be a big relationship, y'know, just like a fling would be great. Chandler: Really?! I didn't think girls ever just wanted a fling. Rachel: Well, believe me, it's been a long time since I've been flung. Joey: Well, I know what I'm giving you for Christmas. Chandler: Y'know what? There's some nice guys at my office, do you want me to set you up? Rachel: Yeah! Wait a minute, it's been a long time that I've been single. How come you never offered this before? Chandler: Well, I have a girlfriend, I'm-I'm happy. So, I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to stop others from being happy. Rachel: Okay! No accountants. Oh, and no one from like legal. I don't like guys with boring jobs. Chandler: Oh and Ross was like what? A lion tamer? (Monica enters) All: Hey! Phoebe: What's wrong Mon? Monica: Ohh, everybody at the restaurant still hates me. Phoebe: Oh. Monica: I thought I was making headway, everyone was smiling at me all day, I get off work and I find out that they wrote this (puts on her chef hat) on my chef's hat. (The hat says 'Quit, bitch') Phoebe: Hey, maybe they meant to write, 'Quiet, bitch.' Rachel: Hey, honey! What's the matter? (Monica shows her, her hat.) Fine, I was just trying to be nice! Whoa! Monica: I mean I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me. (Joey laughs and Monica glares at him.) Joey: Ohhh! Monica: I mean they're trying to do everything they can to make me quit, and if there were any other job, I would. But this is something I've been waiting for my whole life. Rachel: Well, wait a minute, you're the boss! Why don't you just yell at them? Or, fire them? Monica: I would love too, but I can't! I mean I just can't, you know that I'm not good at confrontation. Chandler: Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director, I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, who's boss. Joey: Hey, Mon! I'm not doing anything, why don't you fire me? Monica: That's a good idea! Wait, do you know how to waiter? Joey: Good enough to get fired. Monica: All right, you're hired! Joey: Hey! That must be why I got fired last week! Does this Orson Wells guy direct Burger King commercials? Chandler: (he glares at him for a while) Yes. [Scene: Chandler's office, he is trying to find Rachel a date.] Chandler: I say, Drew! Are you seeing anybody right now? (Drew looks at him) Og-ee-op, I'm not asking for me, I'm... I mean... No, I'm-I'm not gay, I'm not asking you out. I'm not-I'm not-I'm not gay! Drew: I didn't think you were gay. I do now. Chandler: See my friend-my friend, Rachel, she wants to be set up. Drew: Ahh, I just got out of a big relationship, I'm not looking for any thing serious. Chandler: Oh, y'know what, that might be okay even if it was just kind of a fling, that might be all right with Rachel. Mike: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Is this, hot Rachel, that you took to the Christmas party, Rachel? Chandler: (to Drew) Oh, by the way, that is her full name. Mike: Oh wow! I'm free for her! Drew: Oh, wait a second! I didn't say I wasn't free! Mike: Hey, Chandler, why don't we talk this over at the Ranger game tomorrow? Drew: Hold on, y'know I just got a box of Cubans, maybe I bring them by your office around uh, five? Chandler: Oh well, that's uh, a little later than I uh, generally care to stay, but sure! Mike: Maybe, before the game we could enjoy some eight year old some small batch Basel Hadens. Chandler: Well, I don't really know what that is, but let's!! [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is working on a new song.] Phoebe: Hey! You guys, I'm writing a holiday song for everyone. Do you want to hear it? Monica, Rachel, and Joey: Yes! Phoebe: (singing) Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey! Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel! Rachel: Pheebs, that's great! Phoebe: Oh, yay! Rachel: But y'know umm, Rachel doesn't rhyme with draddle. Phoebe: I know but it's so hard! Nothing rhymes with your stupid name! Joey: What are you talking about? Lots of things rhyme with Rachel. Bagel. Mail. Jail. Bail. Able. May-pole. Phoebe: All good, thanks. (to Rachel) Do you maybe have a nickname have like a nickname that's easier to rhyme? Monica: Didn't your dad used to call you Pumpkin? Rachel: Oh yeah! Phoebe: Pumpkin? Yeah. But did he ever call you like, Budolph? Chandler: (entering) Hello, children! All: Hey! Chandler: (to Rachel) Have I got the 50 guys for you! Rachel: Really?! Chandler: Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing themselves at me! They're buying me drinks! They're giving me stuff! (to Joey) Knicks tonight? Joey: Sure! Where are the seats? Chandler: Wherever! I've got like 20! Rachel: So, will I like any of these guys? Chandler: Y'know what, I'm gonna uh, play the field just a little more. Rachel: Chandler! Chandler: Guys are signing over their 401-K's to me? Phoebe: (shocked) You work with robots!! Chandler: (pause) Yes. (to Rachel) Okay, there's this one guy, Patrick, I think you're gonna like him, he's really nice, he's funny, he's a swimmer. Rachel: Ohh, I like swimmer's bodies! Chandler: Yes, and his father invented that magnetic strip on the back of credit cards. Rachel: Op, I like credit cards! Chandler: See, I'm not bad at this fixing up thing, huh? Rachel: Well, so what does he do? Chandler: Oh, he works in the Fine Foods division. Rachel: Your company has a fine foods division? Chandler: It's a big company, I don't-if you-I... Joey: Now, wait a second! You make food and robots? Phoebe: No! No, the robots just work for them. Monica: (getting up) All right, I'm gonna go to work. Does anybody have a problem with that? Joey: Yeah, lady, I do! I got a problem with that! Monica: You want a problem? I'll give you a problem! Joey: Oh, what are you gonna do? You're gonna fire me? Monica: You bet your ass, I'm gonna fire you! Thank you. [Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are there.] Ross: Oh, wow! I should get going. I-I got a date tonight. Chandler: Oh yeah! With who? Ross: You know that girl I told you about who lives up in Poughkeepsie? Chandler: Yeah. Ross: Not her. Yeah, this is someone else I meet, and I-I can't decide between the two of them. Y'know the one from Poughkeepsie, even though she's a two hour train ride away, is really pretty, really smart, and-and a lot of fun. But this other girl, well, she lives right uptown. Y'know she's, well she's-she's just as pretty, I guess she's smart, she's not fun. Phoebe: If she's no fun, why do you want to date her at all? Ross: Well, I-I want to give her another chance, y'know? She lives so close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that was-if she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasn't kidding, she's not fun, she's stupid, and kind of a racist. Joey: (entering) Hey! Ross: Hey! Chandler: Hey, man! Phoebe: Hey! Ooh, how was your first day working at the restaurant? Joey: (checks his watch) Damn! (runs out to work) [Scene: Allesandro's, Monica is cooking.] Joey: (entering from the dining room) Hey. Monica: Hey. Joey: Hey, what happened to your fancy chef's jacket? (sees there's a burn spot on it) Monica: They baked it. I can't take this anymore. I'm gonna call a meeting tonight, I'm gonna fire you tonight. Joey: You got it! Oh-oh! (He starts patting the burned spot, which just happens to be over her breast.) Monica: What are you doing?! Joey: It's still a tiny bit on fire there. Monica: Thanks. (Joey's still patting the burn spot) I think you got it! [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is there.] Rachel: (entering) Chandler!! You have the best taste in men! Chandler: Well, like father, like son. Rachel: Patrick and I had such a great time last night! I mean I think this could maybe turn into something serious. Chandler: Really?! I-I thought you weren't looking for something serious? I thought you were looking for some kind of a fling. Rachel: Well, y'know, possibly. (pause) You didn't tell him that, though? Right? Chandler: Ummmmmmmm, no. Rachel: You told this guy that I was looking for a fling?! You don't tell the guy that! Chandler: Why not?! I'd be thrilled if I heard that some hot girl was just looking to get-oh I see. Rachel: Oh, between you telling him that I wanted to have a fling and me putting out on the first date-oh, he's so gonna get the wrong idea. [Scene: Allesandro's, Joey is eating some cheese.] Monica: Hey, Joey, could you pass the cheese? Joey: Yeah. Listen uh, I'd prefer it if you didn't call me Joey. Since I don't know anyone here, I thought it'd be cool to try out a cool work nickname. A Waiter: (entering) Hey, dragon! Here's your tips from Monday and Tuesday. (hands him two envelopes) Joey: (opening an envelope) There's like-there's like 300 bucks in this one! The Waiter: Yeah, people get pretty generous around the holidays. And it never hurts to wear tight trousers. Monica: Okay. Could the waiters gather around to hear tonight's specials? Okay, first there is a Chilean Sea Bass prepared with a Mango relish on a bag-Why is nobody writing these down? The Waiter: Because we can remember them. Monica: Because your all gonna make up fake specials and make me cook them like you did the other night? The Waiter: Well, sure, that too. Monica: Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right here's the thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, (quietly) tried really hard to create a positive atmosphere... The Waiter: Can't hear you! Monica: (louder) A positive atmosphere! But I-I-I have had it up to here. (She holds her hand over her head as an afterthought.) From now on, it is gonna be my way, or the highway! All right? Does anybody have a problem with that?!! (Joey looks at the money he's holding, and doesn't speak up.) Hey new guy! I said, does anybody have a problem with that?! Joey: No ma'am. The Waiter: Hey! He has a name, it's Dragon. Do you wanna know your name? Check your hat. (to another waiter) We did the hat right? (The other waiter nods yes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Allesandro's, continued from earlier. The other waiters are gone and Monica is confronting Joey about his not speaking up.] Monica: What the hell happened?! Joey: I am so-so-so sorry. I was gonna do it! Really! But I was standing there with 327 dollars in one hand and 238 dollars in the other hand, and I was thinking, "Wow! It's been a long time since I had... (tries to do the math in his head, but can't) 327 + 238 dollars!" Monica: Joey, we had a deal. That-that's why you're here! I've got to fire you! Joey: And I gotta pay rent! Look, how-how about this? You don't fire me, instead I stay here, I gain their trust, and they'll start listening to all the nice things I've been saying about you. Monica: What kinda things have you been saying? Joey: Well nothing yet, they really hate you and I want to fit in. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is working on her holiday song, Chandler is sitting on the couch reading a magazine, and Ross is sleeping on the couch.] Phoebe: (singing) Happy, happy Chanukah, Chandler and Monica. Very merry... Chandler: (interrupting) Oh, y'know, y'know what Pheebs? Phoebe: What? Chandler: I'm not Jewish, so... Phoebe: So! Ross doesn't really decorate his tree with floss, but you don't hear him complaining do you? God! (Phoebe hits her guitar which wakes up Ross with a start.) Chandler: Bad dream? Ross: I wasn't sleeping. Chandler: Oh yeah, then uh, what was Phoebe's song about? Ross: The one with the cat. I gotta go, I've got another date. Phoebe: So, did you pick one yet? Ross: No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a different joke than I thought-it wasn't that funny. So I'm still torn. Phoebe: Well look, you don't really like the one from uptown and you're too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, you're done! Ross: Y'know, you're right. Thank you. Phoebe: Umm, well I had a similar problem when I lived in Prague. Chandler: Prague? Phoebe: There's sooo much you don't know. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters. Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns around, shocked.] Rachel: Chandler! Patrick just uh, ended things with me. Did you or did you not tell him that I was looking for a serious relationship? Chandler: I did! I absolutely did! Rachel: You idiot!! Chandler: I'm sure you're right, but why? Rachel: You don't tell a guy that you're looking for a serious relationship! You don't tell the guy that! Now you scared him away! Chandler: Oh, man. I'm sorry, I'm so-so sorry. Rachel: Y'know, you should never be allowed to talk to people! Chandler: I know! I know! Rachel: Oh! See just I'm right back where I started! Aww, this sucks! Being alone, sucks! (She sits down heavily in one of the new chairs) Chandler: Well, y'know, you're-you're gonna meet somebody! You're a great catch! Y'know when I was telling all those guys about you, I didn't have to lie once. (He sits down on the arm of her chair) Rachel: Really? Chandler: Yeah! You graduated Magma Ku Laude, right? Rachel: No. Chandler: Oh, it doesn't matter. (Kisses her on the top of her head.) Hey, y'know what, I've got two tickets to tonight's Rangers game, you wanna come with me? Rachel: Cute guys in little shorts? Sure. Chandler: Well, actually it's a hockey team, so it's angry Canadians with no teeth. Rachel: Well that sounds fun too. (They hug.) (pause) Chandler: Have you ever been with a woman? Rachel: What?! Chandler, what is the matter with you?! Chandler: So there is no good time to ask that question. [Scene: A train to Poughkeepsie, Ross is asleep against the window.] The Conductor: The next station is Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie! The Woman From Poughkeepsie: (outside Ross's window) Ross? Ross! (she knocks on the window) Wake up! Ross! (the train starts moving) Ross! Ross!! Ross!!! Ross!!!! [Scene: Allesandro's, Monica is cooking.] Monica: I need more swordfish. (to one of the assistant chefs) Can you get me some more swordfish? Kitchen Worker: I don't speak English. Monica: You did a minute ago! Kitchen Worker: Well, I don't know what to tell ya! Monica: Fine! (She goes into the freezer to get it herself, and leaves the door open. The waiter from earlier comes by and closes the door.) Monica: Okay! Very funny! Somebody let me out please?! Come on, I'm cold! (She spills something.) And covered in marinara sauce! Come on! Let me out! (the door opens) The Waiter: You found that handle, did ya? Monica: That's not funny. The Waiter: Well that's not true. Monica: (starting to cry) I'm a good person. And I'm a good chef, and I don't deserve to have marinara sauce all over me! Y'know what, if you want me to quit this bad, then all you have to do is... Joey: (interrupting) Hey! Chef Geller! Y'know that little speech you made the other day? Well I got a problem with it! Monica: You do? Joey: You bet I do! I just ah, wasn't listening then, that's all. Monica: Well if you want a problem? I'll give you a problem! Joey: What are you gonna do? You're gonna fire me? Monica: You bet your ass I'm gonna fire you! Get out of my kitchen! Get out!! (Joey leaves) All right! Anybody else got a problem? How 'bout you Chuckles? You think this is funny now? The Waiter: No. Monica: How about if I dance around all covered in sauce? Huh? You think it's funny now? The Waiter: No, it's really good. Monica: Good! Now, take those salads to table 4, (to the kitchen worker from earlier) And you! Get the swordfish! (to another assistant chef) And you! Get a haircut! [Scene: The train, it's pulling into a station.] The Conductor: Last stop, Montreal. This stop is Montreal. Ross: (waking up) What? (notices that there is now a beautiful woman sitting next to him) Woman On Train: I made a bet with myself that you have beautiful eyes. Now that I see them, I win. Ross: What? Woman On Train: We're at my stop. But would you like to have coffee? Ross: (now fully awake) Are we really in Montreal?! Woman On Train: Yes we are. So, coffee? Ross: Coffee sounds great. (They get up) Wait, so, so you live in Montreal? Woman On Train: Oh, no. But it's just a two hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia. [Scene: Allesandro's, Joey is coming back in with his coat on.] Joey: Well I guess I should've thought about my wife and kids before I talked back to chef Geller! Monica: Thanks. Joey: Yep! Looks like it's gonna be a leeeeean Christmas at the Dragon house this year. Monica: Enough! Joey: (leaving) Lean-lean-lean! CLOSING CREDITS [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song.] Phoebe: (singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap. Said all you need is to write them a song. They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along. No, don't sing along. Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah. Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy! And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!" Happy holidays, everybody!	Plan: A: Chandler's attempt; Q: Who tried to set Rachel up with someone from work? A: a fling; Q: What do Chandler's colleagues think Rachel wants? A: a serious relationship; Q: What does Rachel want? A: Monica; Q: Who fired Joey? A: Alessandro's resent; Q: What do Monica's new staff at Alessandro's feel about her replacing their family member as chef? A: Joey; Q: Who does Monica hire to show her new staff who is boss? A: lucrative tips; Q: What does Joey refuse to give Monica a reason to fire him? A: control; Q: What does Monica gain over her colleagues when she fires Joey? A: Ross; Q: Who is torn between a pretty but overly-serious girl who lives nearby and a fun one from upstate? A: all his free time; Q: How much time does Ross spend commuting to see the girl he wants to date? A: Phoebe; Q: Who writes a holiday song for her friends but has trouble rhyming words? Summary: Chandler's attempt to set up Rachel up with someone from work gets out of hand when his colleagues start competing with one another, believing she only wants a fling. He then scares everyone off by saying Rachel wants a serious relationship. Monica's new staff at Alessandro's resent her for replacing their family member as chef. She then hires Joey so she can fake "fire" him to show them who is boss. When Joey gets lucrative tips, he refuses to give her a reason to fire him. However, when he truly sees the degree of cruelty and abuse Monica is being forced to endure, which almost makes her resign, he sticks to his part and Monica fires Joey in front of everyone. This is enough for Monica to acquire control over her colleagues who realize they could get fired too. Ross is torn between a pretty but overly-serious girl who lives nearby and a fun one from upstate that takes all his free time commuting to see. Phoebe writes a holiday song for her friends but has trouble rhyming words.

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