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KURT'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
Kurt joined by Tina and Brittany, imitates Beyoncé on the song "Single Ladies" in the clip. Suddenly, his father arrives and turns off the music. Kurt turns around and faces his father in surprise.
Kurt : Dad. You're home early.
Mr Hummel : Deadliest Catch is on. What are you wearing?
Kurt : It's a unitard. Guys wear them to, uh, work out nowadays. Do sports. The girls agree.
Kurt : They wick sweat from the body. His father verifies and approves.
Mr Hummel : Mm...
Tina : F-F-Football. Kurt's fixed.
Kurt : Yeah, all the guys in football wear 'em. They're jock-chic.
Brittany : Totally. Kurt's on the football team now. (Kurt, reeling from the news opens the eyes like marbles.) He's the kicker. That's the smallest guy on the field, right?
Kurt : Yeah. Ye... Brit and Tina were just helping me with some conditioning work.
Mr Hummel : Hmm. Really? You know, I played in J.C. before I busted up my knee... poppin' wheelies on my dirt bike.
Kurt : Cool. I guess we'll have something to talk about then. (Laughing) The two girls laugh too.
Mr Hummel : So one of you two his girlfriend? Kurt put his hand on the buttocks with Tina, surprise.
Kurt : But I'm not ready to be exclusive just yet.
Mr Hummel : Hmm. All right, just keep the music down. I can't hear myself think up there. His father goes away.
Mr Hummel : Hey, Kurt. Be sure to get me a ticket to your first game. Kurt, smiling and uncomfortable, agrees.
APARTMENT WILL - LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Terri and Will doing the breathing exercises for the future birth of their child, along with Kendra's sister, Terri.
Will : You're doing great, baby. Just keep breathing.
Kendra : No, no, no. (Wispering) Giving birth is not like how it is in the movies. It is bloody and bestial... and you get poop all over your cowboy boots.
Will : Well, I'm just trying to be supportive.
Kendra : Well, this isn't about you.
Will : I'm sorry, Kendra. When was I making it about me?
Kendra : Mm...(Wispering) You have to be liked, Will. You're nice and supportive and you avoid conflict. Terri approves.
Kendra : (Screaming) Your wife is going to be pushing a watermelon out of her boy-howdy... in five months. She doesn't need nice. She needs Dolomite.
Will : I can be tough.
Kendra : Of course you can, sweetie.....Okay, why don't you come on down here. Kendra kneels before Terri's stomach. Suddenly, Terri was frightened.
Kendra : I'm gonna show you how to rub the gas bubbles out of your wife's stomach.
Will : Okay. Terri rises sharply.
Terri : Oh, no, wait.
Kendra : Oh, no, no. You'll like it. Phil still does it to me. It feels great.
Terri : I don't want him touching my stomach. I mean, maybe he would bruise the baby.
Kendra : Oh!....
Terri : Yeah. Honey, would you make me a B.L. T?
Will : Sure. Uh... Um, it's gonna take a few minutes though.
Terri : That's okay. Will kisses his wife and rises.
Will : Okay, be right back. Will spinning in the kitchen.
Kendra : (Screaming to Will) Make me one too. But hold the tomato.
Will : Okay.
Kendra : And the lettuce.
Will : Okay.
Terri : (Shattered) I can't do this.
Kendra : Don't worry about it. You're gonna have an epidural. I'm just making it sound worse than it is to make him feel guilty.
Terri : Yes.
Kendra : And then you have him by the balls for the rest of your life.
Terri : Kendra, if I told you something, would you promise not to tell anybody, not even Phil?
Kendra : Oh, my God. Is the baby black?
Terri : No. Terri showing him her fake belly.
Kendra : Oh!.... Kendra, in shock, the belly button, but Terri's cache immediately in tears.
Terri : The doctor said it's a hysterical pregnancy. I can't tell Will. I can't. He already has one foot out the door. This baby's the only reason he's still here.
Kendra : What do you think he's gonna do when he finds out you lied?
Terri : Oh, God, I don't know. I gotta tell him the truth.....I've gotta tell him, and I've gotta deal with the consequences. Terri wanted to get up, but retains the Kendra.
Kendra : Are you insane?
Terri : What?
Kendra : Dishonesty is food to a marriage. It will die without it.
Terri : Oh! Kendra...
Kendra : Stop being so emotional.
Terri : Okay.
Kendra : The solution is clear. We're gonna have to get you a baby. Kendra, smiling, fixed Terri, stunned.
HIGH SCHOOL - HALL OF REST - MIDI
Will, incoming, seeking a place for lunch. Suddenly, he is approaching that of Ken and Emma.
Will : Hey, guys. I hope I'm not intruding.
Emma : No. Not at all. Ken agrees. While Will sits.
Emma : ...Oh, um, so get this. You know how I'm kind of like a local news junkie, right?
Will : (Smiling) Isn't that kind of depressing?
Emma : Oh, no. It's kind of like a horror film, you know. It's drug recalls and poison toys. Africanized bees... that was terrible.
Ken : That's because disasters freak you out yet fascinate you at the same time, sweetie. So you like the local news because this way you can experience them... from the safety of your condo.
Emma : ( Disconcerted, approves) ...Anyway... Yeah, um, they just finished this story on this zoo mauling... and, um, you'll never guess who came on next.
[Flash Back]
TV NEWS
Journalists have the nightly news.
Rod (TV) : «Well, let's see what's going on now... with the local champion cheerleading coach, Sue Sylvester... in a brand-new segment we call "Sue's Corner." »
Andréa (TV) : « Take it away, Sue. »
Sue (TV) : « Thanks, Rod, Andrea. You know, caning has fallen out of fashion in the United States. But ask anyone who's safely walked the immaculate sidewalks of Singapore... after winning an international cheerleading competition... and they'll tell you one thing: caning works. And I think it's about time we did a little more of it right here. And to all those naysayers out there who say, "That's illegal. You can't strike children on their bare buttocks with razor-sharp bamboo sticks." Well, to them I say : « yes, we can. » And that's how Sue sees it.»
[Back to reality]
Will : They gave her a segment on the local news?
Emma : Mm-hmm.
Will : Why?
Emma : Mm...
Suddenly, Sue arises beside them.
Sue : Because being a local celebrity who's been written up twice... on the sports page of « USA Today » has its perks, William. (To Ken) Hey, pal, you wanna pull that chair out for me? My hand's still sore from signing autographs down at the Donut Hole...this morning. Ken, annoyed, will pull a chair for her, but she does not sit.
Sue : Brought you some holes I couldn't finish. And, uh, F.Y. I... the overnights were through the roof. You don't know what that means, do you? Overnights. Well, that's lingo for overnight ratings... which shows us leading among 18 to 49-year-olds... making WOHN western Ohio's number one local newscast.
Emma : Wow.
Sue : "Wow" is the word, Alma. You know, I wasn't always in the spotlight. (To Emma) But I didn't wanna end up stuck at a lousy high school... wrestling with mental Illyés. (To Ken) Or 40 and single... Coaching the worst football team in the history of our state. (To Will) Or having to go to the salon every week to have my hair permed. (To all) I didn't wanna have to do that to myself. So I sent out my CV, and I am so happy to tell you... that I am busting out of my box. I'd love to stay and chat, but I got a satellite interview. That's lingo, again, for an interview... via satellite. Sue goes away leaving them angry, sad and frustrated.
HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON
Will, giving scores at the Glee Club.
Rachel : E...Excuse me. This-This isn't the right key. Will continue to distribute, turns to her.
Will : It's actually the right key.
Rachel : This is the alto part.
Will : Yep. Tina's doing the solo. Tina, surprise, is happy.
Rachel : I'm...I'm sorry. There must be some sort of mix-up. I thought I made it very clear that anything from West Side Story goes to me. Maria is my part. Natalie Wood was a Jew, you know. I've had a very deep, personal connection to this role since the age of one. Will turns to face her.
Will : Well, I'm trying to shake things up a bit, get us out of our boxes.
Rachel : (Furious) You're trying to punish me.
Will : I think you're being irrational.
Rachel : I think you're being unfair.
Will : I think you're being unfair to Tina...who might have been happy about getting her first solo.
Rachel : Tina knows how much I respect her, and I think she would agree with me... that she's not ready for such an iconic role as Maria.
Mercedes : Wait. I'm a Jet? Rachel, exasperated, goes with a sigh.
Artie : The more times she storms out of rehearsal, the less impact it has. Will smiles, turns to them.
Will : Congratulations, Tina. This is going well.
Tina, stretched, smiled. Then, everyone smiles are round. Moments later, Finn is about to leave.
Kurt : Finn? Finn turns to Kurt.
Kurt : I needed to ask you something.
Finn : Thanks, but I already have a date to the prom. But I'm flattered. I know how important dances are to teen gays.
Kurt : I'm not gay.
Finn : Oh!....
Kurt : I just... I needed a favor.
HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - AFTERNOON
Players in training under the command of Ken.
Ken : This is not that difficult, gentlemen. Let's go. Players rushed under the critical eye of Ken.
Ken : Come on! Let's go! In the distance, Kurt and Finn look coaching.
Kurt : Hum! Yeah!
Finn : Just relax, okay? Remember what I told you. Keep your eye on the ball. Don't try to aim it. Okay, put your helmet on.
Kurt : It'll mess up my hair.
Finn : (Laughing) Put your... Put your helmet on, okay? Finn put his.
Finn : Oh! God, it's...Good. Red's your color.
Kurt : Thank you for helping me with this, Finn. You're really cool.(Wispering) ....
Finn : Well, I figure the more crossover between Glee and football...the easier my life's gonna be. Kurt goes.
Finn : Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you going?
Kurt : To get my music ready.
Finn : What, are you nuts? You can't use that.
Kurt : But we did when we were rehearsing.
Finn : Practicing. No one was around. You know how much interference I had to run with these guys just to get you this tryout? If you do it your way, they're gonna kill you.
Kurt : (Approaching to Finn) My body is like a rum chocolate soufflé. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise. I'm doing this. I'm doing it my way. Kurt goes under the anxious eyes Finn. Suddenly, Puck Finn approaches.
Puck : So are you two an item now, or... Finn returning.
Puck : He doesn't belong here.
Finn : You joined Acafellas. What's the difference?
Puck : I'm a stud, dude. I can wear a dress to school, and people think it's cool. Ken whistling at his players before this moment. All gather.
Ken : (Screaming) Everybody take a knee. Six games. Our kicker, Mr. Langanthal... is zero for 12 in field goal attempts. As most of you statistically-minded people know... that sucks! So Mr. Langanthal... will thusly now be in charge of hydration services. The next player that can get a football between those uprights will get his job. Kurt advancing and tapping the shoulder of Ken.
Kurt : Hi. I'm Kurt Hummel, and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker. The other players snicker. But Kurt does not care. Moments later, Kurt placing himself to shoot with Finn. Kurt put the music of Beyonce and starts dancing in front of the other players laugh. But suddenly, he pulls and brand. At the time, everyone is shocked.
Kurt : That was good, right? Finn smiled and agreed.
Finn : Yeah. Yeah.
Kurt : It's good. Ken, happy, approaches them.
Ken : Can you do that with the game on the line... and 10 gorillas bearing down on you... who want nothing more than to taste your sweet virgin blood?
Kurt : Sounds like fun. Can I have my music?
Ken : If you kick like that, you can wear a tutu for all I care. Ken turned to his players happy.
Ken : Gentlemen,(ruffling Kurt) we have found ourselves a kicker! Kurt welcoming the other players happy as irritated eyes Puck.
HIGH SCHOOL - OFFICE OF SUE - MORNING
Ringtone - Sue, signing autographs, when the director of the string.
Mr McClung : More mail for you, Sue. But I think there might be some hate mail mixed in... from your editorial on littering.
Sue : Well, Mr. McClung, your station didn't hire me because I was yella.
Mr McClung : Hum! Hum!...(Laughing)
Sue : And not everyone's gonna have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance... but I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage. That's why I pay taxes. It keeps garbage men earning a living...so they can afford tacos for their family.
Mr McClung : Fantastic. But I'm...concerned...(Sitting in front of it) about your future at WOHN. You see, my daughter goes to your school... and she says that a lot of the top cheerleaders are defecting to the show choir. Mm...(Laughing) You know, it makes me wonder if you're... if you're losing all that talent how you can expect to win nationals. See, your segment's all about being a champion, Sue, a winner.
Sue : Hum! Hum!
Mr McClung : So... we need you to win nationals. Okay. Uh, thanks a bunch. Mr. McClung rises.
Mr McClung : Great work. McClung goes under the gaze of Sue Black.
HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - MORNING
Ringtone - Quinn, to his locker, when the Finn calls away.
Finn : Quinn. But she leaves.
Finn : Quinn. Finn follows.
Finn : Hey, what's with the silent treatment? Whatever I did, I'm sorry.
Quinn : (In tears) I'm pregnant...(Whispering while the heart beat Finn intensifies in shock) I wasn't sure, and I really didn't wanna go by myself. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner.
Finn : Mine?
Quinn : (In tears, nods) Yes, you. Who else's would it be?
Finn : But we... we never...
Quinn : Last month. Hot tub?
[Flash Back]
QUINN'S HOUSE - EVENING
Quinn and Finn, in the bath tub, kissing passionately. Suddenly, Finn has a presentiment want to ejaculate.
Finn : Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh.
Quinn : (Annoyed) Think of the mail.
Finn : Oh!...
Quinn : Think of the mail. Think of the... Finn ends up thinking the factor but it's too late despite the mother's voice in his head: "Oh! My God! You killed him. "
[Back to reality]
Finn : But we were wearing our swimsuits.
Quinn : Ask Jeeves said a hot tub... is the perfect temperature for sperm. It helps it swim faster.
Finn : Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Quinn starts crying harder.
Finn : Are... Are you gonna get a...
Quinn : No. I really thought I had a shot of getting out of here. Quinn rushed into the arms of Finn completely bewildered.
SANDY'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
Sandy showing her collection of dolls Sue.
Sandy : I've been collecting since 1961.
Sue : Now, isn't this just lovely and normal?
Sandy : They're my everything.
Sue : Hum! The kettle whistles.
Sandy : (Lifting the finger )Teatime! (Whistling)
Sue : Right. Sandy will look for the kettle while Sue is waiting in the lounge.
Sandy : So, to what do I owe the honor of your presence?
Sue : Oh, I just thought I'd stop by and say hello, buddy. Boy, the only thing missing from this place is a couple dozen bodies...limed and rotting in shallow graves under the floorboards. (Laughing) Sandy returns.
Sandy : Please, have a seat on the casting couch. Sue, smiling, sits down and Sandy who served tea.
Sandy : Hou! (Wispering) ...It is so wonderful to finally have some Sandy time. I have my bridge game on Fridays. Saturdays, I am fully committed at the local cat rescue.
Sue : Sandy. Let's cut the crap. Sandy began to cry.
Sandy : ....I'm living in a cocoon of horror. Yesterday I ate nine cans of aerosol whipped cream. No...
Sue : You...Sandy, Sandy. We have similar problems. You need to be back in the spotlight. I wanna offer you the school's arts administrator position. (Sandy stopped crying and stands up.) You will have control of all the arts programs... music, art, drama. Wait for it. Glee Club.
Sandy : That's impossible. Figgins will never allow it.
Sue : Oh, don't you worry about Figgins.
[Flash Back]
HIGH SCHOOL - DIRECTOR'S OFFICE - MORNING
Ringtone - Sue Figgins before unperturbed.
Figgins : I'm never letting Sandy Ryerson back in this school.
Sue : Take a look at this. Sue showed him a video found on the net where Figgins made up the numbers for a pub. Figgins, scared, victorious in front of Sue.
Sue : Well, I would hate to think of this video circulating around the school. Better yet, YouTube. Figgins is very uncomfortable.
[Back to reality]
Sue : Our first order of business is Glee Club.
Sandy getting up and sitting next to Sue.
Sandy : Oh! I couldn't agree with you more. William is running it into the ground.
Sue : And there's one linchpin holding that group together.
Sandy : Rachel Berry. How do we steal her away?
Sue : Hold on to your Easter bonnet, Sandy. I'm gonna fire four words at you. Liza Minnelli. Céline Dion.
Sandy : Oh, yeah. I am yours.
HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - AFTERNOON
Rachel enrolling for the new high school musical.
HIGH SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM - AFTERNOON
Rachel - Song : Taking Chances
Rachel auditioned in front of Sandy and Sue for the musical.
Sandy : Wow.
Rachel : What's next?
Sandy : Congratulations, Miss Sally Bowles. You have just landed the lead. Rachel is very happy.
HIGH SCHOOL - DIRECTOR'S OFFICE - MORNING
Will, angry face Figgins, Sue and Sandy all seated.
Will : This is a joke.
Figgins : William. Sandy has never been formally charged with anything. And the fact is, upon further reflection, my firing of him was rash. This is a wonderful thing, Will. How many times have you sat in the chair... complaining how I don't care about the arts program?
Will : Oh! ...(Wispering) This was you. (To Sue) You have always been out to get me.
Sue : Well, if I was out to get you, I'd have you pickling in a mason jar on my shelf by now.
Sandy : William, take a chill pill. I'm here to help you.
Will : Oh, really? Is that why you stole my best singer?
SCHOOL OF DANCE - AFTERNOON
Rachel, currently, interviewed by Will on his departure.
Rachel : An opportunity arose for me to showcase my talents, and I took it. How is that any different from when you quit Glee to form your boy band?
Will : Because I didn't do it out of spite.
Rachel : I'm offended by that accusation. I've always been a team player. Just admit it, Mr. Schue. You don't like me very much.
Will : That's not true. I am your biggest, and sometimes your only fan.
Rachel : Look, I know who I am, okay? I know I can be a little abrasive, bossy and conceited. I'm just hurt that you chose to judge me on that rather than on my talent. I know it sounds awful, but I'm the best one in there. I try the hardest, and I want it the most.
Will : Everyone knows that, and they're scared of it. They all think that they can slack off because you'll pick up their weight. We can't win regionals like that. We need everyone to think that they're a star.
HIGH SCHOOL - DIRECTOR'S OFFICE - MORNING
Sue, still facing Will, glad he explains his theory.
Sue : We're giving everyone a chance to think they're a star. We're providing opportunities. We're opening doors. Find your voice. Stomp that yard. All that crap.
Will : (To Figgins) What does she have on you?
Sandy : (Rising) Enough.... (Will turns to him) I tried to play nice with you, William. But clearly, you prefer to be adversaries. So be it.
SCHOOL OF DANCE - LOCKER ROOM - AFTERNOON
Rachel's belongings followed by Will.
Rachel : I'm not quitting Glee. I'm just looking for a reason to stay.
Will : Oh, like me taking the solo away from Tina?
Rachel : Everyone on the team is getting something out of being there. You're doing a great job of getting them out of their shells.
Will : Zzz...(Wispering)
Rachel : Except for me. I'm still getting my lipstick flushed in the toilet. I still don't have a boyfriend. Tina's great, but... why do you have to hurt me to make her feel good?
Will : Just come to rehearsal. Rachel goes away without answering.
HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - AFTERNOON
Tina - Song : Tonight
Tina, to Will, who repeats the role gave him.
Will : That was great, Tina. Good job. Will approaching her.
Tina : You don't have to say that. I was sh...sharp. I c...can't do this.
Will : Hey, look at me. Will taking her by the shoulders.
Will : Have you noticed the more confident you are, the less you stutter?
Tina : Hum! ....(Smiling him)
Will : Hey. I need you to be great at regionals. To do that, you've got to know that you can do this.
Tina : You have to give this song to Rachel. She's better than me. And you know she'll quit if you don't. I'll just take one for the team. Tina goes away leaving Will, bored. While Tina leaves the room, between Finn.
Will : Hey, Finn, what's up? Finn begins to cry.
Will : Hey. It's okay. Will takes it in her arms.
Will : It's okay.
RESTAURANT - MIDI
Will accompanies Finn, disoriented.
Finn : Thanks a lot for this, Mr. Schue. I couldn't talk to my mom, you know.
Will : Yeah. So how far along is she?
Finn : I don't know. A couple of weeks maybe. It's pretty recent, I guess.
Will : Well, what do you... what do you need me to do? You want me to... You want me to set you up with Planned Parenthood?
Finn : No. No. It's not even a conversation. She's keeping it. Both sitting at a table.
Finn : I've seen the guys around town who had kids in high school. They work here or at the supermarket or pumping gas or worse. They're caged. Got no future. I can't become one of those dudes. Mr. Schue, I got to go to college. But we don't have any money, and... I need a football scholarship. But the only way I'm gonna get one is if we start winning.
Will : I'm not a football coach.
Finn : ...Remember when we were working on that Acafella stuff... and you helped me and Puck with the dancing?
Will : Yeah.
Finn : You loosened us up. That's the football team's problem. I figured it out watching Kurt kick those field goals. Here. Check this out. Finn giving a biography of an American football player.
Finn : I got this at the school library. Did you know you can just borrow books from there? All of 'em. Except for the encyclopedias, but... It says in here that Walter Payton was a great dancer. In college, he won dance competitions on Soul Train. And he took ballet lessons. And he even got the whole Bears team to take them... the year they won the Super Bowl. That's how they came up with the Super Bowl Shuffle.
Will : Let me just get this straight. You want me to teach the football team how to dance? Uh, (Wispering) I don't think Ken will go for that.
Finn : We'll talk him into it. Look, you said you needed guys for Glee Club, right? If you can help us win one game, they'll start to trust you. Then I'm sure some of them will wanna join..... (Shrugging his shoulders) It's a win-win for both of us. Wil reflective, looking around him.
Will : ....Eat up.
APARTMENT WILL - BATHROOM - EVENING
Will and Terri brushing teeth.
Terri : How far along is she?
Will : A few weeks. It breaks my heart. They're both so scared to death, Ter. They're just kids. They can't raise a baby. Here this poor girl is so ashamed... she feels like she can't tell anybody. I mean, can you imagine? Having to hide something like that. All that effort covering that up. Terri is very uncomfortable.
Terri : What did you say her name was? Quinn?
Will : Quinn Fabray.
Terri : Oh.
Will : Oh, and here's the kicker. She's president of the Celibacy Club. Will goes leaving Terri, smiling in front of his mirror.
HIGH SCHOOL - LOCKER THE BOYS - MORNING
All players meeting with coach and Will.
Puck : This is garbage. What the hell does Beyoncé have to do with football?
Finn : Why don't you ask Kurt? He seems to be the only one who can score on this team. Even in practice.
Puck : So we're taking coaching advice from Lance Bass now? All the guys make fun of Kurt.
Will : Guys. Guys. Athletes are performers just like singers and dancers. And think about it. Jim Brown. Dick Butkus.
Finn : O.J.
Will : O.J. Right. All pretty tough guys. All of them had big careers as performers. Now, I don't think you guys are losing because you don't have the talent. You're losing because you don't have the right attitude.
Puck : Oh, I get it. We have to think more like Amazonian black women.
Will : Think about it. If you can sing and dance in front of people, everything else is easy.
Puck : Coach. Please. Step in here.
Ken : I'm down with it. I mean, heck, what do we got to lose? We gave up our pride when we lost to that school for the deaf. Kurt raising his finger.
Kurt : That's true. Sun Tzu says in his « Art of War » to never let the enemy know you. Our greatest weapon could be the element of surprise. Don't tell me that you wouldn't be on your heels... if the other team started busting a move on the field. Ken whistling in the ears of players.
Ken : Okay, too much talking, not enough stretching. In the choir room in full pads in five. The players are bad moods.
Ken : That's five minutes. Let's go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
HIGH SCHOOL - ROOM REPEAT - MORNING
Moments later, Will being repeat players.
Will : A..five, six, seven, eight. Step, ball change, up. Will seeing their disappointments, whistles to stop them.
Will : That's good, guys. Your hips are still a little tight, okay? It's just like you're playing football. It's all about the lateral movement. Just stay low and... Kurt speaker.
Kurt : May I?
Will : Watch Kurt. Kurt settling while Will will sit.
Kurt : All right, boys. Five, six, seven. Hand, hand. Point to the finger. Hip, head. Oh! Sneak attack. Back to the ring. Comb through the hair. Slap the butt. Ken, annoyed, whistles.
Ken : Okay, that's enough for today, gentlemen. We'll... work on it. Just hit the showers.
Player : Bye, Coach. All players go except Kurt approaching Ken.
Kurt : Um, Coach, I don't mean to interject... but I think we should end with a show circle.
HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDORS - MORNING
Finn leaves the rehearsal room followed by Puck.
Puck : What's your problem?
Finn : Nothing. I just got a lot on my mind.
Puck : Seriously, dude, what's going on? I'm your best friend. Talk. Puck stoping Finn.
Finn : It's personal.
Puck : I knew it. You're in love with Kurt.
Finn : Quinn's pregnant. She's keeping the baby.
Finn goes Puck leaving stunned. Some time later, Quinn enters the corridors and gets arrested by Puck.
Puck : What's up, MILF?
Quinn : Leave me alone. Quinn goes but follows Puck.
Puck : Who's the daddy?...I just think it's kind of weird if it's Finn... since you told me you were a virgin when we did it. And I know for a fact that you didn't do it with him.
Quinn : How can you be so sure?
Puck : Zzz...Finn's my boy. He would've told me.
Quinn : You make a habit of sleeping with your boy's girlfriends? Quinn goes but cries Puck.
Puck : Well, call the Vatican. We got ourselves another Immaculate Conception. Quinn tries to silence him and stuck in a corner.
Puck : I'd take care of it, you know. You too. My dad's a deadbeat, but I don't roll that way.
Quinn : Weren't you fired for peeing in the fast-food fryolator?
Puck : Mm...(Wispering) I've got my pool-cleaning business.
Quinn : We live in Ohio. I had s*x with you because you got me drunk on wine coolers... and I felt fat that day. But it was a mistake. You're a Lima loser, and you're always gonna be a Lima loser. Quinn runs away in tears.
HIGH SCHOOL - PARKING - AFTERNOON
Quinn, not crying, running towards his car. Then she climbs up and suddenly found Terri seated at her side.
Terri : How many weeks are you?
Quin : But....
Terri : From the looks of you, I'd say no more than five or six. I assume you haven't told your parents yet. I mean, how could you? After Daddy bought you this car so you could drive him to the Chastity Ball.
Quinn : What?
Terri : You can't raise this baby, Quinn.
Quinn : I'm sorry, but who are you?
Terri : I'm just somebody who wants to help.
Quinn : I don't need your help. Get the hell out of my car!
Terri : Really? What kind of prenatal vitamins are you taking? Quinn, speechless, didn't respond.
Terri : Yeah. Terri rummaging through his bag behind him a box.
Terri : Here. Three times a day, or your baby will be ugly.
Quinn : Euh! I don't understand. (Taking the box) What do you want from me? Terri smiled.
HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - NIGHT
Everyone applauded the arrival of the players and cheerleaders.
Cheerleaders : W-M-H-S! In the stands, Emma cleans a place when Will appears beside her.
Will : Anyone sitting here?
Emma : Um, no. No, here.
Cheerleaders : W-M-H-S!
Will : (Sitting) Well, at least I know it's clean.
Emma : Yeah. Will laughing at Emma's smile. Everybody gets up for the National Anthem.
LOCKER
Ken, meanwhile, alone, chooses his whistle. Then, satisfied, he gets up and leaves the locker room.
FOOTBALL FIELD
The audience always listens to the anthem. As players get together.
Finn : Well, I think we, uh, really came together this week as a team.
Puck : Yeah, a gay team. Kurt no longer smiling before the remark.
Puck : A big gay team of dancing gays.
Player : Seriously, Finn, it was fun in practice and all...but we can't do that out here in front of everybody. It'll make us even more of a joke. Finn sad, do not respond and goes on the field followed by the other players.
Finn : Divert right, 87 on one. Break!
Players : Break! The referee blows the whistle, players move into position.
Player adverse : Yo, Q. B! Your mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs! Give me some ketchup!
Finn : Down, set, hike! The game starts and the team is rolling McKingley.
Finn : Punch and Judy on one. Break! Throughout the match, the team is lead McKingley.
Arbitrator : Come on! Come on! Meanwhile, Kurt's father into the stands in front of Kurt, happy.
Kurt : Dad! Dad! (Jumping on the spot) I told you! I told you! As the match continues.
Finn : Jordan versus Bird on one! Hut!
Ken : Run! But the player falls.
Emma : Aw! Emma is disappointed when Ken is furious.
Finn : Cupid tips on one. Break! Players are taking place while Finn thinks watching people who love him.
Finn : Time-out!
The referee whistles. The players gather while Finn is for Puck in a corner.
Finn : Dude, we got to do it.
Puck : We will be jokes for the rest of our high school lives.
Finn : (Furious) We're already jokes. I don't wanna be a Lima loser for the rest of my life. Puck thinks, when an opposing player approaches them.
Player adverse : Yo, left tackle, your mama's so fat... her cereal bowl comes with its own lifeguard, like Baywatch!
Puck : Hey, ankle grabber, I had s*x with your mother. No, seriously. I cleaned your pool. And then I had s*x with her in your bed. Nice Star Wars sheets. The other player is caught, it doesn't replicate.
Puck : Let's do it, captain. Finn approves.
Finn : Come on. Huddle up. All players are around him.
Finn : Huddle up. Okay, "Ring On It" on three. The players are surprised.
Players : Yeah. All right?
Finn : Come on. On three. One, two, three, break! Players congregate.
Finn : Break! Hut one, two! Three! Let's hit it! A player on the bench put the music. Then, early music, players McKingley starts dancing in front of stunned everyone.
Finn : Hike! Suddenly, a player rushes in front of other shocked when Finn makes a pass and the player receives and scores a goal in front of all the public enthusiasm. Ken is happy while Will jumps into the arms of Emma.
Ken : (To Kurt) You're up, kid. You make this, and we win. You make this, and you die a legend.
Kurt : Can I pee first? Ken hands him his helmet. Kurt goes to the field and prepared. His father was away with his eyes fixed on him.
Mr Hummel : He's so little. Kurt request music. Under the music, he starts dancing. Then Kurt brand and pulls.
Kurt : Center, hike!
Mr Hummel : Yes!...Yes! Yes! Everyone is jumping for joy. The players, euphoric, the raise.
Mr Hummel : That is my boy! Puck, meanwhile, sets Quinn embracing Finn.
KURT'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - EVENING
Kurt gets hairspray and a facial when his father joined him.
Kurt : Nighttime skin care is a big part of my post game ritual.
Mr Hummel : I don't know what to say about that, but, uh...I was really proud of you tonight, Kurt. I wish your mom would've been there...I mean, alive.
Kurt : Thanks. His father went away.
Kurt : Dad? His father turns and approaches him Kurt.
Kurt : I... have something that I wanna say. His father walks towards him.
Kurt : I'm glad that you're proud of me. But I don't wanna lie anymore. Being a part of the Glee Club and football... has really showed me that I can be anything. His father insists look.
Kurt : And what I am... is...I'm gay.
Mr Hummel : I know.
Kurt : Really?
Mr Hummel : I've known since you were three. All you wanted for your birthday was a pair of sensible heels. Kurt tears, sighs.
Mr Hummel : I guess I'm not totally in love with the idea, but... if that's who you are, there's nothing I can do about it. And I love you just as much. Okay? His father hit him on the shoulder and Kurt rushed into the arms.
Mr Hummel : Thanks for telling me, Kurt. Both are separating. Then his father went to leave when he turned again to his son.
Mr Hummel : You're sure, right?
Kurt : Yeah, Dad. I'm sure.
Mr Hummel : Just checking. His father goes away.
HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDORS - MORNING
Ringtone - Quinn, in his locker, closing it when Finn approached her.
Finn : Hey. Finn giving him a piece of cloth.
Finn : Here. It's my gee-ge. This is the baby blanket my dad got me the day I was born. It was the only thing I had to remember him by. I used to cry without it. I took it everywhere with me, so it's a little dirty. But I want our baby to have it. I'm gonna do everything I can to be a good father. She smiled.
Quinn : Thank you, Finn. Quinn runs into the arms when Puck approaches them.
Puck : Hey, guys. How you doing? Quinn is uncomfortable.
Puck : Lately I've been getting really sick in the morning.
Quinn : Must be a virus.
Puck : Hey, you putting on a little weight? Finn is outraged at the issues of Puck.
Puck : ... You should watch your carbs. They're not gonna be able to hoist you to the top of that cheerleading pyramid...much longer.
Finn : Hey, don't talk to my girlfriend like that. Puck and Finn attach a black look.
Puck : You know what? You're right. I was out of line. Puck goes.
Puck : See you guys around.
PARALLEL BETWEEN THE NEWSPAPER AND TELEVISION SCHOOL IN THE RECOVERY ROOM / AUDITORIUM
On the one hand, Sue is on TV for its issuance.
Sue (TV) : «You know, there's a question I get asked a lot. Whether I'm accepting an honorary doctorate or performing a citizen's arrest... people ask me, "Sue, what's your secret?" Well, I'll tell you my secret, western Ohio. » For his part, Will enters the rehearsal room facing the Glee Club.
Will : Hey, guys, let's give a big Glee welcome to our three new members... fresh off their big win on Friday night... Will accompanied Finn by three football players.
Will : Noah Puckerman, Matt Rutherford and Mike Chang. Other greet them.
Will : Regionals, here we come. For its part, Sue is always on TV.
Sue (TV) : « Sue Sylvester's not afraid to shake things up.» While everyone is to meet Will.
Will : Let's start today with "Tonight" from West Side Story. Rachel him smiling.
Will : ...Tina. Show us what you got. Will approached Tina, Rachel annoyed face.
Sue (TV) : « You know, I'm tired of hearing people complain... "I'm riddled with this disease" or "I was in that tsunami." To them I say, shake it up a bit. Get out of your box. Even if that box happens to be where you're living. » Rachel enters the auditorium and finds Sandy painting a pole.
Sandy : Hum! I thought you had Glee practice, my little multitasking star.
Rachel : I quit. I'm yours exclusively. Sue's side, is still his show.
Sue (TV) : « I'll often yell at homeless people... "Hey, how's that homelessness working out for you? Give not being homeless a try, huh?"» Rachel settling on stage.
Rachel : Maybe this time in B-flat.
Sue (TV) : «You know something, Ohio? It's not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you you shouldn't have bothered in the first place. But let me tell you something. There's not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans... and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They're both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they're cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will. And that's how Sue sees it. » Sue smiling at the camera.
APARTMENT WILL - NIGHT - BEDROOM
Will, awake, watching the show, Sue, while Terri sleeping peacefully.
HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDORS - MORNING
Quinn, alone in front of his locker, laying others completely depressed. | Plan: A: Kurt; Q: Who joins the football team? A: his father; Q: Who does Kurt tell about his homosexuality? A: Burt; Q: Who is Kurt's father? A: Quinn; Q: Who discovers she is pregnant? A: his best friend; Q: Who is Puck? A: Puck; Q: Who is the father of Quinn's baby? A: their performance; Q: What does Finn want to improve in order to get a football scholarship? A: Mike Chang; Q: What is the name of Harry Shum Jr.'s character? A: the glee club; Q: What club did Puck, Mike Chang, and Matt Rutherford join? A: Sandy Ryerson; Q: Who is the former glee club director? A: an effort; Q: What did Sue and Sandy Ryerson team up in to bring down the glee club? A: a disillusioned Rachel; Q: Who quits the glee club when Will awards a solo to Tina? A: Tina; Q: Who does Rachel quit the glee club after Will gives her a solo she wanted? Summary: Kurt joins the football team and admits his homosexuality to his father, Burt , who accepts him for who he is. Quinn discovers she is pregnant and tells Finn the baby is his, when in fact the father is his best friend, Puck . Finn asks Will to teach the football team to dance, hoping to improve their performance and thus his chance of receiving a football scholarship. Puck, Mike Chang ( Harry Shum Jr. ), and Matt Rutherford all join the glee club after the football team's win dancing to " Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) ". This makes them a group of twelve and eligible to compete, but Sue and former glee club director Sandy Ryerson team up in an effort to bring the club down, luring away a disillusioned Rachel, who quits when Will awards a solo she wanted to Tina. |
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Paige and Richard walk in, arms around each other.]
Richard: It's looks like they're all asleep. Maybe I should sneak out of here.
Paige: No. Why don't you stay for breakfast? (She turns and faces him.) How do you like your eggs?
Richard: What about your sisters?
Paige: What about them?
(Paige walks backwards and trips over a pair of legs.)
Richard: Whoa!
(Piper and Paige stand up.)
Piper: Oh! Sorry. You okay?
Paige: What are you doing?
Piper: Trying to fix the garbage disposal. What are you doing?
Paige: Messing around.
Piper: Ohh.
Richard: Sorry, I should have told you I was here.
Piper: No, don't be silly. Paige is a big girl, she can hang out all she wants to. Not that she does, a lot, I mean.
Paige: You can stop now.
Piper: Great.
Richard: Hey, you mind if I take a look?
Piper: Sure. Go ahead.
(Piper offers the screwdriver to him but he doesn't take it.)
Richard: Okay.
(Richard turns on the power and the disposal makes a loud noise.)
Paige: What's wrong with the disposal, anyway?
Piper: Not disposing. Washer not washing, cable not cabling.
Paige: Don't forget the sink upstairs.
Piper: It's next on my list.
Paige: Sounds like fun.
Piper: It's my life, actually, all about fun.
(Richard holds his hand above the sink and the dirty water empties down the drain.)
Richard: There you go, as good as new.
Paige: He's handy to have around.
Piper: Yeah. I thought you didn't use magic anymore?
Richard: Just once in a while, for little things. You want me to fix the washer?
Paige: Yes.
Piper: No.
(Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Can you guys help me pick out some earrings? (to Richard) Hi, I didn't know you were here.
Richard: Hey, yeah, we got in late last night.
Phoebe: I see.
Piper: He fixed the garbage disposal.
Phoebe: Really?
Piper: Mm-hm. Magically.
Phoebe: Really? (to Piper) Can you help me with my earrings out here, please?
Piper: Sure.
(Piper and Phoebe leave the room.)
Paige: So how do you like your eggs? Scrambled or over easy?
[Cut to the dining room. Phoebe is waiting on a chair. Piper walks in and Phoebe jumps up.]
Phoebe: Okay, listen. Was that weird?
(They walk to the bottom of the stairs.)
Piper: Why are you so dressed up?
Phoebe: Because I have a date with Jason, but that's beside the point. Didn't Richard lose it the last time he used magic? I mean, like really lose it?
Piper: Uh, I can assure you that he stayed in complete control over the garbage disposal. Uh, it's seven o'clock in the morning, how can you have a date?
Phoebe: Oh, because it's seven here but it's evening in Hong Kong. Okay, so you're not concerned about Richard using magic?
Piper: Yeah, I am, but I'm more concerned with Paige being really pissed off because we butted into her business again.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but we're sisters, that's what we're supposed to do.
Piper: Uh, back to your date. I don't understand, is Chris orbing you to Hong Kong?
Phoebe: No, we're video conferencing. We just open our laptops and there we are in colour.
Piper: Mm-hm, in each other's laps.
Phoebe: So do you think we should talk to Paige about Richard?
Piper: We don't really know him.
Phoebe: I know, we don't. And neither does she, that's the problem. What, can't I worry?
Piper: From afar, yeah. Now, excuse me, I have to go unclog a sink.
(Piper goes upstairs. Phoebe holds up her earrings and tries to decide.)
[Cut to the bathroom. Piper walks in with a tool box. She looks at the clogged sink.]
Piper: Well, maybe a little magic couldn't hurt.
(She puts down the toolbox. The water in the sink bubbles and forms a face of a woman. Piper steps back.)
Woman: Help me.
[Cut to a lake. Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb in on the grass.]
Paige: Okay, so water lady pops up from the sink. Are you sure she's not a demon?
Piper: I'm sure she needed help.
Phoebe: What else did she say?
Piper: That was it. Pretty park, pond and poof. (The pond starts to bubble and a sword rises out of the water.) Over there.
(A woman made of water, holding onto the sword, rises out of the water and floats over to land. She becomes solid and heads for the girls. A man wielding a dagger and shield and wearing a black cloak, shimmers in.)
Woman: They're coming. Take this, it does not belong to them.
(The man throws a dagger at the woman and stabs her. She falls and the sword flies over some trees. The girls run over to the woman. Two demons wearing black masks and carrying battle axes shimmer in. A sword materialises in the man's hand. Phoebe and Paige go over to the demons and fight them.)
Paige: Axe!
(The axe orbs into Paige's hands and she hits the demon, vanquishing him. Phoebe gets the axe of the other demon and hits him, vanquishing him too. The man approaches Piper and the woman and Piper tries to blow him up. Phoebe and Paige run over.)
Phoebe: I'm liking these odds.
(The man shimmers out. They drop the battle axes.)
Paige: Wuss.
Woman: The sword. The sword is...
(The woman turns to water.)
Phoebe: Where'd she go? What'd she say?
Piper: Uh, she said something about the sword. Where is it?
Paige: It's in the stone.
(They look over and see the sword sticking out of a large rock.)
Phoebe: The sword and the stone?
Piper: Uh, you gotta be kidding me. Right?
Opening Credits
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Paige and Richard are there. The sword and the stone is sitting in the middle of the room. Piper is sweeping around it.]
Piper: Okay, could you maybe miss the table?
Paige: I'm sorry, I've never orbed anything that heavy before or that historic.
(The sword glows.)
Richard: Do you see it glowing?
Piper: No, it's the sun room, there's a lot of light.
Paige: What part of this reality aren't you getting? Sword stone, lady lake?
Piper: It was a pond.
Richard: Do you think she's from Avalon?
Paige: Yeah, I think she was flushed out by whoever's after Excalibur. The maker of kings.
Piper: Look, we're not talking about Camelot, right? Because that's not real.
Paige: So you're saying you never believed in King Arthur and the knights of the round table?
Piper: Yes, I did, when I was seven, and then I grew up.
Paige: Yeah, you grew up to be a witch that fights demons and silly looking dragons.
Piper: That's different, that's real.
Paige: And this isn't real?
Piper: What is real are those hooded freaks.
Richard: They're not gonna give up now that the sword is in the open.
Piper: How do you know?
Richard: Whoever has Excalibur is unstoppable.
(Phoebe walks in carrying the Book of Shadows.)
Phoebe: Okay, there is definitely nothing in the book. Oh, hi. How ya doing?
Piper: Phoebe, please, put a stop to this nonsense.
Phoebe: Didn't realise you were still here.
Paige: That's okay, you can talk freely in front of him. Lord knows, we've been through enough.
Phoebe: No, not really.
Piper: Phoebe.
Richard: Look, I should probably go.
Phoebe: Don't ridiculous, you're great.
Paige: Okay, anyway, book, Excalibur.
Phoebe: Yeah, nothin, nada.
Paige: Really?
Piper: Told ya.
Paige: You know, hey, maybe it's been out of circulation since ye olden days, and maybe no Halliwell has come across it before.
Phoebe: Well, we have run across these guys. Executioner demons. Low-level bad asses for hire.
Piper: Who hired them?
(Phoebe turns to a page.)
Phoebe: This higher-level bad ass.
(Piper goes over to look.)
Piper: A power mad paladin of destruction.
Paige: Maybe, you know, maybe we should just kind of hang out later.
Richard: Yeah, okay. Bye.
Piper: Bye.
(Richard heads for the front door. Paige follows.)
Richard: Be careful in all of this.
Paige: Always. I had a really good time last night.
Richard: Me too.
Paige: What?
Richard: Uh, I just don't think your sisters like me very much.
Paige: Oh, that's not true.
Richard: Really?
Paige: Okay, maybe they're just doing the over protective sister thing.
Richard: Well, that's a good thing because I don't want anything to happen to you.
Paige: Don't worry.
(They hug.)
[Cut to the conservatory. Phoebe is watching Paige and Richard.]
Piper: So he's an upper level demon which means you should be able to make a vanquishing potion.
Phoebe: Okay. Wait, me? Why me?
Piper: Because... hello... I have a few hundred things to do around here in addition to raising a small child.
Phoebe: I know, you have so much to do, you're my hero. But I can't, I have to go to work. I still don't have an assistant and I'm swamped.
(Phoebe heads for the door.)
Piper: Phoebe. (Paige walks in.) Paige! Potion?
Paige: Oh, I'm sorry, honey, the temp agency's already got me a new job.
Piper: But that hardly compares with...
(She points to the sword.)
Paige: Come on, you know there's a magical reason that I had every one of these jobs and who am I to interfere with destiny?
Piper: Okay, so you want me to add baby-sit the sword and mix vanquishing potion to my never ending 'to do' list?
Paige: Look, sword is stuck in the stone. You know it, I know it, the bad guys know it. Nobody's going to get it out until King Arthur pulls it out and when that happens there'll be lots of fireworks.
Piper: And when might that be?
Paige: How should I know? Maybe in a couple thousand years. (She starts to walk out then stops. She turns around and walks over to the sword. She grabs it and tries to pull it out. It won't budge.) Well, you can't blame a girl for trying.
[Scene: Cave. The Dark Knight pushes a demon against the wall and holds his sword up to his neck.]
Dark Knight: Oh, but I do blame you. The sword is now locked in stone. You promised me murderers, what you delivered was cannon fodder for witches.
Demon: Those weren't just witches.
Dark Knight: Tell me, demon, will your thick head still spout excuses when it's cut from your neck?
Demon: If the sword is with the Charmed Ones, it means we need a better class of executioners, that's all.
(The Dark Knight lowers his sword.)
Dark Knight: And how much more will this cost me?
Demon: The Charmed Ones are formidable.
Dark Knight: How much?
Demon: To provide you with more executioners, and the training needed to drown the Charmed Ones in their own blood... (The demon walks over to a round table with a large pentagon carved out of the top.) A seat at the table. If your goal is to unite all evil under the corrupted power of the sword, you can do far worse than have me at your side.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Phoebe is sitting at her desk. A woman walks in and places a manilla folder on her desk.]
Woman: Responses to last week's column.
Phoebe: How'd you get into my email?
Woman: Your email account is maxed out, so your fans are using ours.
Phoebe: Oh, I tell you, Elise better find me a new assistant because pretty soon she's gonna have to ask Phoebe to take my foot out of her... (The phone rings. The woman leaves. Phoebe searches for the phone under a pile of papers. She finds it and answers it.) Hello, Phoebe Halliwell. Oh, hey Laura. (She picks up her date book.) Uh, I have that down for... (She looks inside.) This morning. Oh my god, I missed it. I'm so sorry. No, of course I can reschedule, absolutely. (Paige stands at the doorway and clears her throat.) Actually, Laura, can I call you back when I have my book in front of me? Okay, great, I'm so sorry. Thanks. Bye. (She hangs up.) Hi. (Phoebe buries her head in her hands.) I thought you had a new temp job today.
Paige: I do.
Phoebe: Why aren't you there?
Paige: Apparently I am.
(Phoebe looks up.)
Phoebe: What? Here?
Paige: Yep.
Phoebe: As my assistant?
Paige: Well, I think I prefer being called your desk manager.
Phoebe: Wait, I thought you get all of your temp jobs for divine reasons.
Paige: Usually I do.
Phoebe: Yeah, but I don't need divine help. I need filing and faxing and desk management help.
Paige: I'm your girl. I really am. We'll just, you know, see if the divine stuff kind of appears later. Usually does.
Phoebe: Yeah, but I can't tell you what to do. I mean, how weird is that?
Paige: Well, it's no weirder than usual.
Phoebe: Oh, I see.
Paige: Just kidding, sort of. Listen, you get back to your column, I will call Laura and reschedule, I will... (She picks up a bunch of messages.) Help... stuff.
[Scene: Manor. Laundry room. Piper is there looking at the washing machine. It is making an awful noise and there are soap suds on the lid. She puts down a monkey wrench and reaches over and pulls the plug.]
Piper: Perfect.
(She walks into the kitchen and a pot is boiling over. She turns the stove off and wipes up the mess.)
Male Voice: Hey, lady. (Piper looks around the bench to see one of the seven dwarfs standing there.) We could really use an authority figure out there
Piper: What are you doing here?
Dwarf: What am I doing here? I'm getting pushed around, I just lost my place in line.
Piper: What line?
(The dwarf leaves the kitchen. Piper follows.)
[Cut to the conservatory. Creatures of all shapes and sizes are standing in a line beside the sword and stone. A woman is trying to pull out the sword but it doesn't budge. She gives up and the next in line has a go.]
Piper: What is this?
Dwarf: Natural selection. Naturally I hope the sword selects me to be king. Finally get a little respect around here.
(The creatures laugh.)
Piper: You people, you creatures, whatever, you can't be here, you gotta go.
Ogre: We have a defying right to try our hand.
Piper: Wow.
Dwarf: Yeah. Ten feet is pretty much the distance.
Creature: Back of the line, please. Hoof it, sister!
Piper: Chris! Chris! Get down here. (Leo orbs in.) Where's Chris?
Leo: Busy. (Leo looks around.) What's going on?
Piper: Busy with what?
Leo: Other charges. I took him off your account again.
Piper: Our account?
Leo: You know what I mean. (Leo sees the sword and stone.) Whoa, is that what I think it is?
Piper: No, no, it's not, okay. Now look, you gotta get all these people out of here because I can't do this right now.
(Leo reaches for the sword.)
Creature: Hey, hey, hey! No cuts, buddy.
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe walks out of a room.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Woman: How was the staff meeting?
Phoebe: Endless. How's my new assistant working out?
Woman: Oh, she put a fire under the interns, that's for sure.
Phoebe: Really?
(Phoebe heads for her office.)
[Cut to Phoebe's office. Paige is sitting at the desk. Three guys are sitting in front of the desk.]
Paige: Okay, who can help me with that? (They all raise their hands. She points to one.) Great. You got it. And what about collating and cross referencing? (Two raise their hands.) You, and so you would have databasing. (Phoebe stands at the doorway.) Alright. Great, you boys have your marching orders, I will check back with you in a couple of hours.
(The guys get up and leave the room. Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Wow. (She sees her tidy desk.) Who works here?
Paige: You do. Who rocks? That would be me. By the end of the day we're gonna have a system in place that tracks your column ideas, your columns written and your columns considered, plus a separate file for your questions, comments and fan mail.
Phoebe: I can't believe it.
Paige: Well, believe it because you my dear, are never going to miss anything again.
(Paige stands up and Phoebe sits down.)
Phoebe: That's good.
Paige: It is good news because you my dear, need to concentrate.
Phoebe: Yes, I do.
Paige: Yes, you do. Starting with tomorrow's column.
Phoebe: I already wrote tomorrow's column.
Paige: Yeah, you did.
Phoebe: Uh, is there a problem with it?
Paige: Well, I mean, I'm no expert but I was just thinking about this one question. Okay, the girl's family wants her to break up with him because they think he's an alcoholic and absent of any proof you're telling her to end it.
Phoebe: Well, you know, not really end it, just slow it down a bit.
Paige: Okay, but slowing it down by not seeing each other is in affect ending it.
Phoebe: I just think you should keep your eyes open.
Paige: Keep my eyes open?
Phoebe: I-I mean I think that she should keep her eyes open. You know what I mean.
Paige: Yeah. This column's about Richard and I, isn't it?
Phoebe: No, it is not about Richard. Don't be ridiculous.
Paige: You hate him. I can tell and what's worse, he can tell.
Phoebe: Look, Paige, if you're sensing anything from me, it's just concern. I'm concerned you're falling too fast for a guy you barely know. But it's none of my business.
Paige: You're right. It's not any of your business.
(Leo orbs in.)
Leo: Hey, Piper needs your help now.
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. A tiny fairy is trying to pull the sword out of the stone. The ogre pushes her out of the way and she flies across the room.]
Ogre: Pest.
(The ogre tries to pull out the sword. Phoebe, Paige and Leo orb in.)
Phoebe: Oh, my.
Paige: I was afraid this would happen.
Piper: Do you think you could have mentioned that?
Phoebe: And they won't leave?
Piper: Oh, no, no. More show up every minute.
Paige: But no bad guys yet, right?
Phoebe: What is that stench? What is that stench?
Piper: We gotta get this thing out of the manor. Leo refuses to orb it.
Leo: Hey, the Lady of the Lake came to the Charmed Ones for help. I'm not messing with that.
Piper: Oh, for god's sakes. (She gets up and heads for the sword and stone.) If you will not get rid of it, then I will.
(She holds onto the sword and pulls it out of the rock. Phoebe gasps.)
Creature: Your majesty.
Piper: Wow.
(The creatures kneel. A man appears in the room and walks over to Piper.)
Man: I bet you didn't expect this when you got up this morning.
Piper: I...
(Phoebe covers her mouth in shock.)
Man: The sword has chosen. You are the new saviour. The champion of good, the master of Excalibur. Welcome to your new destiny.
Piper: Aw, crap.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Phoebe is pushing the dwarf out the door.]
Phoebe: Okay, let's go, nothing to see here anymore, no more show, audios, scram.
Dwarf: Your majesty, seriously, if you need anything, anything at all, castles built, suits of armor. You name it, I got connections.
(The dwarf zips out the door and Phoebe closes the door.)
[Cut to the living room. Piper, Leo and Mordaunt are there. Piper is looking at the sword. Phoebe walks in.]
Phoebe: Is it just me or does it still smell like ogre in here?
(Phoebe sits down. Piper sits down and places the Excalibur on the coffee table in front of her.)
Piper: I'm telling you guys, this is all just a big mistake. (The Excalibur glows and slides closer to Piper.) Stop that.
Mordaunt: It's drawn to you, just like you were drawn to it.
Piper: Do I look like I'm drawn to it, pal?
Mordaunt: You will be in time.
Piper: No, I don't have time to play Queen Arthur.
(Paige walks in carrying Wyatt.)
Paige: Oh, come on, Piper, have a little fun. Don't you realise what this means?
(Paige hands Wyatt to Leo.)
Piper: One more thing on my to do list?
Paige: No, it means you my dear, are the chosen one. The first in centuries to have power over the sword. Tell her all about it, Merlin.
Mordaunt: Oh, actually, the name's Mordaunt. Merlin was just a fairy tale.
Piper: Ha!
Mordaunt: But Camelot was not.
Paige: Ah ha!
Mordaunt: And thanks to you it can rise again.
Phoebe: So what are you? A wizard? A sorcerer?
Mordaunt: Actually, I'm neither. I'm just a humble teacher in service of the sword. And we must begin instruction immediately before your enemy attacks.
Paige: The Dark Knight.
Mordaunt: You know him?
Phoebe: Yeah, we've already kicked his ass.
Piper: And if he shows up again we have a vanquishing potion ready and waiting.
Mordaunt: What's in it?
Piper: It's a mandrake variation with a little bit of griffins blood.
Mordaunt: Good, if you're going up against a pustouous knave which you're not. If you want to fight the Dark Knight with magic, this is what you need.
(A piece of parchment materialises in his hand.)
Leo: I thought you said you weren't a sorcerer.
Mordaunt: I picked up a few things along the way. (He hands Phoebe the parchment.) The Dark Knight is no trifle. You have to hit him with everything you have.
Phoebe: I've never even heard of half of these ingredients.
Leo: It looks like you picked up quite a bit. What do you think?
(Phoebe looks at Mordaunt.)
Phoebe: Can't get a read on him.
Mordaunt: Distrust is expected but don't let it blind you. If I haven't taught Piper how to master the sword before the Dark Knight returns, your survival depends on that potion.
Phoebe: Okay, so where are we supposed to get the ingredients?
Paige: I think I know a place. Leave it to me, your trusty assistant.
(Paige orbs out with Phoebe.)
Leo: Alright, I guess I will go check with the other Elders and see if they know. You want me to take Wyatt? (Piper admires the sword.) Piper?
Piper: Hm?
Leo: Do you want me to take Wyatt with me?
Piper: Yeah, sure. (Leo orbs out with Wyatt.) I'll be fine.
(Piper stands up with the sword. A sword materialises in Mordaunt's hands. He attacks Piper and she screams. She blocks his hits with the Excalibur.)
Mordaunt: Not bad. Better than Arthur's first time.
Piper: Really?
Mordaunt: Now, I'm gonna come in low. Believe in Excalibur, just let it flow through you.
(They sword fight some more.)
[Scene: Cave. The Dark Knight and a demon are walking past masked demons making weapons.]
Dark Knight: Is he your best?
Demon: The highest quality. They'll get the job done.
Dark Knight: They better. If they don't, it's not me they'll have to answer to.
Demon: I thought you were the...
Dark Knight: I serve a greater power.
Demon: Whose?
(A masked demon walks in carrying a sack over his shoulder. He clears a table and puts the sack down. The sack moves and the dwarf gets out of it.)
Dwarf: Well, should've figured you'd be after the sword.
Masked Demon: Tell them.
Dwarf: Kiss my grubby ass.
(The masked demon pulls out a dagger and holds it up to the Dwarf's throat.)
Masked Demon: Tell him.
Dwarf: You're too late. Piper Halliwell has Excalibur and she's been trained how to use it.
Dark Knight: By who? Who's training her?
(The dwarf shrugs. He punches the masked demon in his groin and zips away.)
Demon: Does this change anything?
Dark Knight: It changes everything.
[Scene: Richard's house. Phoebe, Paige and Richard walk into a room full of ingredients. Richard turns on the light.]
Richard: I think we got everything you need. Plant roots, fungi, herbs, creature parts, insects...
Phoebe: Creature parts?
Richard: Fairy wings.
Phoebe: Wait, fairy wings?
Richard: Well, I didn't kill them if that's what you're wondering.
Phoebe: Then how did you get them?
Paige: Uh, Phoebe?
Phoebe: What? Fair question.
Richard: Actually, I'm not sure. My family's been stockpiling this stuff for years because of the fued.
Phoebe: Yeah, but the feud's over, right?
Paige: Hey, you know, I think we're gonna need a mortar and pestle for the potion. Do you have one?
Richard: Yeah.
(Richard leaves the room.)
Paige: What are you doing?
Phoebe: What?
Paige: You don't have to treat him like he's evil.
Phoebe: Paige, I'm just reacting to what I see. I mean, how many guys do you know that stockpile gremlin ears?
Paige: Okay, first your not so subtle column, and now this. Why don't you just come out and admit it. You hate him.
Phoebe: Paige, I don't hate him. I'm just worried.
Paige: Well, don't worry because I know what I'm doing.
Phoebe: Okay, so are you telling me that it doesn't bother you at all that he's using magic again? Or that he has this-this room hidden?
Paige: What part of this is not your business aren't you getting?
Paige: Oh, Paige. I'm worried about you, okay? Just like you were worried about me when I was dating a demon.
Paige: Richard is not a demon.
Phoebe: No, I know he is not a demon, Paige, but he has a dark side and powerful magic, and that is a very dangerous combination. I-I'm worried about you, okay? I'm sorry.
(Richard walks in.)
Richard: Here.
(He hands Paige the mortar and pestle.)
Paige: Thanks.
(She puts it on the table.)
Richard: Everything alright?
Paige: Let's just get this over with.
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Mordaunt barge into the room, sword fighting. Piper knocks his sword out of his hands and pushes him against the wall.]
Mordaunt: You're a quick study.
Piper: You're a good teacher.
Mordaunt: So, you feel the sword's power?
Piper: Yes.
Mordaunt: How's it feel?
Piper: Not bad.
Mordaunt: You and Excalibur are becoming one. Soon nothing will matter. Nothing except the desire to rule.
(The Dark Knight, the demon, and two masked demons shimmer into the room.)
Dark Knight: You.
Mordaunt: I was wondering when you would show up. Take him.
(The Dark Knight attacks Piper. Mordaunt grabs his sword and the three other demons attack him.)
[Scene: Richard's house. Ingredient room. Phoebe and Paige are making the potion.]
Paige: Wearboar tusk, one pinch. (Phoebe puts it in the potion.) Nymph hair, one lock.
Phoebe: Oh, I hope this isn't from someone we know.
(Phoebe throws the hair into the potion.)
Paige: Wraith essence, three drops.
Phoebe: One, two, three.
Paige: And black poppy, one level teaspoon.
Phoebe: I've never even heard of black p...
Richard: No!
(Richard uses his telekinetic power on Phoebe and she slides out the door. Paige races over to her. Phoebe gets up.)
Paige: Phoebe, are you okay? (Richard grabs a pinch of poppy and moves back.) Richard?
Richard: Wait, watch. (He throws the poppy into the potion and it explodes.) Don't ever mix wraith essence and black poppy. Never.
Paige: Why would Mordaunt do this?
Richard: Because he wants you dead.
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Mordaunt are still fighting the Dark Knight and the three demons. Piper vanquishes the demon and a masked demon. The Dark Knight grabs Mordaunt.]
Dark Knight: I thought we made a deal.
Mordaunt: I don't need you to get to the sword anymore. I've got her. (Mordaunt pushes him away. Piper stabs the masked demon and the Dark Knight and vanquishes them.) Your assimilation is complete. You are now one with Excalibur.
Piper: Now what?
(Paige and Phoebe orb in. Piper turns to them.)
Paige: It's just us.
Phoebe: He's not what you think he is.
Paige: He tried to kill us.
Phoebe: He wants the sword.
Piper: But the sword chose me.
Paige: No, he's just using you, he wants the power of the sword for himself.
Phoebe: You're not meant to control the sword.
Piper: But I do control it. And you don't think I can.
Mordaunt: Perhaps we should leave.
Phoebe: Paige, Paige, Paige.
Paige: Excalibur.
(She tries to orb the Excalibur but it doesn't leave Piper's hands.)
Piper: Don't do that again.
Mordaunt: It appears your queen has spoken.
(Piper and Mordaunt disappear.)
Phoebe: Her majesty has left the building.
Paige: Or her madness.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Cave. Piper and Mordaunt are there. Piper is wearing black clothes and is standing in front of the round table.]
Piper: It doesn't look like much of a kingdom.
Mordaunt: This is just where it begins. Where you form your inner circle.
Piper: Let me guess. The knights of the round table?
(He moves closer behind Piper.)
Mordaunt: The knights of your round table. You're on a new path now, a new destiny.
Piper: That's good because I was getting a little bored of the old one.
Mordaunt: A world of adventure awaits you. Warfare, conquest, Camelot.
Piper: And what exactly is Camelot?
(She turns around and faces him.)
Mordaunt: Whatever you want it to be. It's your kingdom to make.
Piper: Could you be a little more specific?
Mordaunt: There will be no one above you, no one to challenge you. You will have free reign to reshape the way things are. To create a world of your dreams. All will bow down before you. (He caresses her cheek.) All will serve your every desire.
Piper: Including you?
Mordaunt: Especially me, my queen.
(They kiss. Mordaunt reaches for the sword and it moves away. He moves away from Piper.)
Piper: What is it?
Mordaunt: Well, we must build your kingdom first, and to do that we need to fill your round table with knights.
Piper: Very well, I have a few ideas.
Mordaunt: No. Let me be your council. I know best who will serve you well. But they will not come easily. You must challenge them on fields of battle. Force them to join you.
(Piper picks up the Excalibur.)
Piper: I think I can do that.
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Paige is scrying.]
Leo: Anything?
Paige: Nope, can't find Piper anywhere.
Leo: Well, keep looking, she's bound to show up somewhere.
Paige: Yeah, to do what?
Phoebe: I don't understand. If she wasn't supposed to pull the sword out of the stone, then why was she able to?
Leo: Because according to the other Elders, she was only meant to pass it on to whom ever it was really meant for.
Phoebe: So she's not the new King Arthur but she is the new Lady of the Lake?
Leo: Basically, yeah.
Paige: Well, why is it turning her evil?
Leo: Because only the ultimate power on earth can handle Excalibur. That's why the Lady stayed in the lake to insulate herself from the power of the sword.
Paige: Okay, so we should find Piper and then drown her. (Leo gives her a look.) Oh, I'm just kidding, Leo.
Leo: It's no joke, it's the only way to keep the power from consuming her, destroying her.
Phoebe: Still, what does Mordaunt want with Piper? I mean, he's tricky, but he's hardly the ultimate power on earth.
Leo: But he can use Piper to become that power.
(The crystal points to a spot on the map.)
Paige: Guess who just surfaced.
[Scene: Piper and Mordaunt are there. A demon flies through the air and hits a stack of hay. Piper walks over and points the Excalibur at the demon.]
Piper: Should I kill him?
Mordaunt: You're the Queen.
Piper: I need one more knight to set up my round table. Care to join me?
Demon: Join you? Which side are you on?
Mordaunt: All we're interested in is the greatest power. Become one of us.
Piper: What he said.
Demon: What do I get out of it?
Piper: You, you get to live.
(Phoebe and Piper orb in.)
Paige: Piper.
Demon: I should have known it was a trap.
(The demon gets up.)
Piper: You stay put. (to the girls) You, I warned you.
Phoebe: Sorry, your majesty. (Phoebe throws a potion and Piper destroys it with the sword.) Paige, now, orb her.
(Paige orbs out just as Piper throws the Excalibur at her. Paige orbs back in behind Piper and grabs her. Piper throws Paige over her shoulders and she lands on the ground in front of Phoebe. Piper holds out her hand and the Excalibur returns to her.)
Mordaunt: Impressive, huh? Now, make your queen proud.
(Phoebe helps Paige up. The demon throws electricity bolts at Phoebe and Paige and their bodies fall to the ground, leaving their spirits behind.)
Paige: What just happened?
Phoebe: I don't know, but I don't think it's good.
(Piper, Mordaunt and the demon disappear.)
Paige: Leo!
[Scene: Cave. Three other demons are sitting around the round table. The demon appears in the forth seat.]
Piper: Welcome. I assume you're all wondering why you've been gathered here. But don't worry, if I wanted to kill you I would have done so already. You are the chosen few who will help chart a new world order, united under me.
Mordaunt: Excuse me, your majesty, we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Piper: Are we?
Mordaunt: The small matter of the loyalty oath.
Piper: Oh, yeah, that's right. Uh, administer that oath.
Mordaunt: Yes, your majesty. If you will all put your left hand... (One demon growls.) Or claw on one of the five points of the pentagram in front of you. (Mordaunt sits down in the fifth seat. He puts his hand on the point and chants. The pentagram glows and the demons shake.) Supreme demonic powers, leave your host and find a new home in this willing heart.
Piper: What are you doing? Stop! (The powers leave the demons and they are vanquished one by one. The powers enter Mordaunt.) You vanquished all my knights. Why?
(The Excalibur floats into Mordaunts hand.)
Mordaunt: For filling my centuries old quest. To control Excalibur.
Piper: But it belongs to me.
Mordaunt: No, it doesn't. It never did. But thanks to you and the combined powers of your knights, now it belongs to me. I'm the ultimate power.
Piper: I don't understand.
Mordaunt: It's simply transferred power, that's all. And now all that remains to do is to eliminate the true recipient of Excalibur before he grows old enough to fulfil his destiny as the son of a Charmed One.
Piper: You can't hurt him, he's protected.
Mordaunt: I couldn't before, but I can with this.
(He stabs Piper with the Excalibur.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Phoebe is scrying and Paige is laying on the chair.]
Paige: Ow.
Leo: Feeling any better?
Paige: No, I'm pretty sure 'ow' signifies that I am not in fact feeling any better. (Paige sits up.) I am getting tired of this whole soul separating from my body thing. It's getting to be a disturbing pattern.
Leo: It's pretty close too, your souls were getting ready to move on.
Paige: Move on to where exactly?
Leo: Nice try.
Phoebe: I can not believe, Piper. Did you see that look in her eyes?
Paige: Hey, at least it looked like she was having fun for once.
Leo: Find her yet?
Phoebe: No, nothing.
Leo: Alright, keep trying. Just like last time, they can't do anything until they resurface.
Paige: Yeah, unless Mordaunt wants her to help him rule the underworld.
Phoebe: There's gotta be another way to get her out of this.
Paige: I just wish we knew who King Arthur is.
Phoebe: Wait, what do you mean?
Paige: I mean, if we need to separate Piper from the sword, what better way than to figure out who she's meant to give it to. (Wyatt gurgles from the playpen.) No.
Phoebe: It's Wyatt, oh my god, it has to be. (Leo groans in pain.) What's the matter?
Leo: It's Piper, she's hurt.
(The crystal points to a spot on the map.)
Phoebe: Harding Park, let's go.
Paige: I got Wyatt.
(Phoebe orbs out with Leo.)
[Cut to Harding Park. Piper and Mordaunt are there. He lowers Piper to the ground.]
Mordaunt: Don't worry, it'll all be over. Once they come for you, I'll go for him.
(Phoebe and Leo orb in. Mordaunt disappears.)
Phoebe: Hurry, hurry.
(Leo runs over to Piper and heals her. She gasps.)
Piper: Where's Wyatt?
[Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Mordaunt walks up to the playpen holding the Excalibur.]
Mordaunt: My apologies, King Wyatt. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. (Mordaunt stabs the lumpy blanket bundle in the playpen. He lifts up the bundle and it's a teddy bear wrapped in a blanket.) What!
(Paige orbs in holding Wyatt.)
Paige: Ohh, and that's his favourite teddy bear.
(Piper, Phoebe and Leo orb in. Piper takes Wyatt from Paige.)
Piper: Bet you didn't expect this when you got up this morning.
Mordaunt: But I still got Excalibur.
Phoebe: Not for long.
Leo: Go for it, Wyatt.
(Wyatt orbs out the Excalibur and it orbs back in, hovering in front of Wyatt. Wyatt points and the Excalibur flies across the room and stabs Mordaunt. Mordaunt explodes and is vanquished. The sword drops to the floor.)
Piper: Okay, sweetie, that's very, very good. But we need to put this away, so you don't put an eye out. (She walks over to Excalibur and picks it up.) At least until you're eighteen.
(Piper walks over to the stone and pushes the Excalibur into it.)
Paige: How are you?
Piper: Oh, fine. Do you think you could orb this into the attic?
Paige: Absolutely.
(The sword and stone orb out.)
Piper: Away from any furniture?
(They hear a crash from upstairs.0
Paige: Sorry.
Piper: Don't worry, I'll just add it to my list.
(They all laugh.)
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Phoebe is there typing on her computer. Paige stands at the door.]
Paige: Hey. I just finished the last of the filing.
Phoebe: Great, thanks.
Paige: Is that, uh, tomorrow's copy?
Phoebe: Uh, yeah, I'm just doing some last minute changes. This woman right here is worried that her mother might be marrying the wrong guy.
Paige: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah, she thinks he might be the devil incarnate.
Paige: Didn't we vanquish the devil incarnate?
Phoebe: I told you that unless she has absolute proof, she should probably but out and let her sister live her own life.
Paige: I thought this was about her mother?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, you know what I mean.
Paige: Yeah, I think I do. It's funny, this is the first job I've gotten without a magical reason behind it.
Phoebe: Well, there may not have been a magical reason, but there's definitely a reason. I just have to learn to take my own advice.
Paige: Yeah, well, don't start worrying about me too much.
Phoebe: Okay.
(Richard walks in.)
Richard: Hey. Sorry to interrupt. You ready to go?
Paige: Yeah, um, we're going out. Do you wanna join?
Phoebe: I would love to, actually, but, uh, I'm gonna take a rain check. It's been a long day.
Paige: Okay, good night.
(Paige and Richard start to leave.)
Phoebe: Hey, Paige. You're fired.
Paige: Actually, I quit.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Wyatt are there looking at the sword and stone.]
Piper: Listen, I want you to promise me before we take that thing out of storage, that you're gonna play lots of football and baseball and have lots of normal toys, and maybe we can get a dog. (Leo walks in.) What do you think?
Leo: How are we doing?
Piper: Uh, his highness seems content.
Leo: What about you?
Piper: I'm doing alright. At least I have my priorities straight now. I was so busy doing stuff and all I really wanted to do was hang out with him.
Leo: Well, you should have more time for that now. I fixed the washer.
Piper: You did?
Leo: And the sink, and the cable, and the toilet.
Piper: Wow, I forgot how handy you were to have around the house.
Leo: Pretty strange, huh?
Piper: Kind of scary, actually.
Leo: Why?
Piper: Well, we've seen what he can do without the sword, I can't begin to imagine what he could do with it.
Leo: Well, whatever it is, it's meant to be.
Piper: It doesn't make it any less scary, though. But that's tomorrow's problem. I'll worry about it then. Okey-dokey.
(They leave the room. The sword glimmers.) | Plan: A: the Charmed Ones; Q: Who does the Lady of the Lake appear before? A: heir; Q: What is Wyatt's role in Excalibur? A: Excalibur; Q: What is the legendary Sword in the Stone? A: A dozen magical beings; Q: How many magical beings arrive at the manor to try to pull the sword from the stone? A: their hand; Q: What do the magical beings try to use to pull Excalibur from the stone? A: a whirlwind; Q: What does Piper cause when she pulls Excalibur out of the stone? A: a mysterious figure; Q: What is Mordaunt? A: Mordaunt; Q: Who tricks Piper into giving up the sword? A: Wyatt; Q: Who is the next King Arthur? A: Richard; Q: Who realizes that Mordaunt cannot be trusted? Summary: The Lady of the Lake appears before the Charmed Ones, pleading for their help in protecting Excalibur, the legendary Sword in the Stone. A dozen magical beings arrive at the manor to try their hand at pulling the sword from the stone, but it is Piper who pulls Excalibur out, causing a whirlwind that coalesces into a mysterious figure called Mordaunt. Piper is unaware that she is meant to pass it on to Wyatt, heir of Excalibur and the next King Arthur. Richard realizes that Mordaunt cannot be trusted, but before he can intervene, Mordaunt tricks Piper into relinquishing the sword and its power to him. |
INVASION OF THE DINOSAURS
BY: MALCOLM HULKE
PART FOUR
5:30pm - 5:55pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: INT. CHAMBER
MARK: We left Earth three months ago.
(Somewhat groggily, SARAH moves over to the hatch.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: SPACE
(It is a window looking out on to the blackness of space with a small planet in the distance.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY
(Accompanied by CAPTAIN YATES, GENERAL FINCH comes angrily into the school laboratory where the DOCTOR sits with the BRIGADIER. The DOCTOR sighs with impatience.)
GENERAL FINCH: I'd like an explanation of this latest fiasco, Brigadier.
(The BRIGADIER stands before his superior officer.)
GENERAL FINCH: You capture a dinosaur and lose it again, an aircraft hanger is wrecked and into the bargain, Miss Smith is almost killed! Now why is this man allowed to persist in his ridiculous and useless schemes?!
(The DOCTOR goes over to another bench to get the cut chains and returns with them.)
GENERAL FINCH: You deny that absolutely nothing has been achieved?
DOCTOR: Nothing has been achieved, General Finch, because of sabotage! Now the chains holding the Tyrannosaurus were deliberately severed, and somebody attempted to murder Miss Smith by locking her in the hanger with the creature.
(Behind them, YATES tries to conceal his surprise and anger at this revelation.)
DOCTOR: To top it all, my apparatus has been messed about with. However, all that's in the past now. I've got a new scheme, so if you'll excuse me, I'll be getting on with it.
(He drops the chains on the bench and picks up a clipboard and two pieces of equipment.)
DOCTOR: Brigadier, did you bring over that new car of mine when you moved your headquarters?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, I think so. It should be in the garage with the rest of our transport.
(The DOCTOR heads for the door and the BRIGADIER follows.)
GENERAL FINCH: What are you up to now?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'll explain in a moment, sir. Better just see the Doctor on his way.
(The BRIGADIER leaves. YATES picks up the chains and holds them in front of FINCH.)
CAPTAIN YATES: (Angrily.) I'd like to know what's been going on, sir!
GENERAL FINCH: (Quietly.) I've no idea what you're talking about.
CAPTAIN YATES: I agreed to sabotage the Doctor's apparatus and delay his experiment. But I didn't agree to murder!
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: EXT. SCHOOL
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You'll never get it off the ground, Doctor.
(He walks forward to the subject of his comment. It is the DOCTOR'S new car, although car is the vaguest of terms that can be used to describe it. Silver in colour, its 'bonnet' is pointed and the rear of the vehicle rises up into two fins. It has two seats behind a curved windscreen. No wheels can be seen beneath the large fender which drapes to the ground.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Wouldn't you rather have a jeep?
DOCTOR: Not a bit of it, Brigadier. This new car of mine is exactly what I need. Speed is of the essence, you know.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, take care. Call in as soon as you have any information.
DOCTOR: Right.
(He sets off and the car glides smoothly and speedily across the school yard with a sound like a hovercraft. The BRIGADIER watches it go with a smile on his face and a shake of the head. He then goes back into the school.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: EXT. LONG LANE
(The DOCTOR drives along the frontage of Smithfield Market. He comes to a halt and checks his device. It resembles a black tube with a control box at the base. He takes a reading and checks it against a map of central London he balances on his knee. He starts up the car again and glides off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: INT. SPACESHIP. MAIN CHAMBER
(Recovering from the shock of finding out where she is, SARAH is alone in the spaceship's main chamber. She turns over a small primitive clay bowl in her hands. She gets up and walks round in confusion at this development. A door opens at the back of the chamber and MARK returns with a man and a woman.)
MARK: Here she is.
(The woman is past middle-age but is smart and chic in her looks. She wears a strange two piece fawn and gold tunic. She smiles warmly at SARAH and holds up her arms in welcome.)
RUTH: Don't worry, my dear. We'll look after you.
(She gives SARAH a kiss on the cheek. The other man is also older than man. He has white hair and a short beard and wears a suede jacket and dark trousers.)
ADAM: You're the first to recover.
RUTH: You're bound to feel a little strange at first.
SARAH: Who are you?
ADAM: We're the elders.
SARAH: How did I get here?
RUTH: You must have been chosen.
(SARAH looks at the woman.)
SARAH: Wait a minute...I know you - you're Lady Cullingford!
RUTH: Here I am Ruth.
SARAH: I interviewed you about that Private Member's Bill of yours against the pollution of rivers.
(She looks at the man and also recognises him with a smile.)
SARAH: And you're Nigel Castle, the novelist.
(The man smiles back warmly.)
ADAM: Not any more. I have better work for my hands.
(SARAH points to MARK.)
SARAH: I know you too. You're...
MARK: (Nods.) John Crighton.
SARAH: The athlete. Er, you jumped... (Thinks.) ...two point three six two metres in the last Olympics.
(The three people laugh gently.)
ADAM: All that's behind us now.
RUTH: And you were a journalist?
SARAH: I still am. Where are we going?
MARK: I told you - to New Earth.
SARAH: Sorry, I...seem to have forgotten.
(She sits down, hopelessly confused.)
ADAM: A small planet, very much like the Earth we've left behind, but at an earlier stage of development.
RUTH: Still pure, undefiled by the evil of man's technology. Air that is still clean to breathe...
MARK: Simple pastoral people, innocent and unspoiled.
ADAM: It'll be our task to guide them - to see that the evil developed on Earth will not be repeated.
SARAH: Our task? Just the four of us?
(The three people laugh.)
MARK: There are over two hundred of us on this ship.
(RUTH and ADAM sit on the leather couches and watch while MARK switches on a monitor screen.)
MARK: You see?
(It shows a chamber made up of banks of ledges, four high. On each rests a sleeping cocooned human. He presses the switch next to the monitor and the view changes to show two more identical chambers.)
MARK: They'll all be recovering soon - just as you did.
(SARAH looks in astonishment at the picture. MARK switches it off.)
ADAM: And this is only one of the ships of the fleet. Show her, Mark.
(MARK presses another switch and the monitor shows four identical spacecraft with engines in a triangular pattern. He switches the monitor off and sits next to RUTH.)
MARK: There are seven ships in all.
SARAH: Those people...why were they all asleep?
ADAM: To save food and oxygen. It was all explained to you.
RUTH: It's a three month journey, and almost over.
(SARAH'S mouth drops open in astonishment.)
SARAH: I've been here on this spaceship for three months?
MARK: We all have.
SARAH: I can't believe it!
(She puts a hand to her forehead...and accidentally touches the very real and sore bruise sustained in the hanger - supposedly over three months ago. She conceals her surprise from her new companions.)
SARAH: Three months...
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: EXT. STREET
(The DOCTOR glides his car to a halt in a back street. He looks at his 'radar' device again and consults the map once more. A series of areas have been crossed through on the map. This time the reading seems to be stronger. He sets off in the car once more.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE UNDERGROUND STATION
(Outside an underground station, two newspaper hoardings read "MARTIAL LAW DECLARED" and "LONDON EVACUATION ORDER". The DOCTOR draws to a halt in front of the station and its litter-strewn pavement. He switches on the radar device and the needle shoots upwards. He swings the device round until it points at the station and the needle climbs up towards the highest point on the scale. Satisfied, he switches off his car and climbs out. He picks up a large torch out his car together with his radar device and moves to the locked trellis gates of the station. He examines the lock, takes off his glove and produces a set of skeleton keys out of his pocket. He then makes short work of the lock and opens the gates.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: INT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE UNDERGROUND STATION. PASSAGE
(The DOCTOR walks down some darkened steps in the passenger tunnel of the station. He pauses to check the readings on his device by torchlight and moves down a side passage. He suddenly stops and looks round hearing the sound of the air-conditioning working. He plays his torch round and spots a grille. He takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and plays it across the draft which emanates from the grille. Before he can take any further action, he hears a noise in the tunnel behind him and hurriedly lies underneath a wall bench together with his torch and radar device. A moment later BUTLER, carrying his own torch, case and another piece of equipment slung over his shoulder, rounds the corner. He goes past the DOCTOR'S hiding place and up to a blue door of a maintenance cupboard. He takes a set of keys out of his pocket, puts them in the lock of the door and then presses one of the slats of the louvered window of the cupboard. The whining sound of a lift can be heard. Both the DOCTOR and BUTLER wait patiently. After a moment, lights appear rising upwards behind the louvered slats and the lift noise stops. BUTLER unlocks the door to reveal an ordinary cleaner's cupboard beyond. He steps in and closes the door behind him. After a moment the lift noise starts up again and the lights behind the slats disappear one by one downwards. The DOCTOR waits...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. BUNKER. PASSAGE OUTSIDE LIFT
(Down below, a down arrow next to the lift is illuminated blue and switches off as the lift itself arrives and the door opens. BUTLER walks out and down the passage. He goes past a direction sign which points to the right for "CABINET ROOM", "SLEEPING QUARTERS" and "SICK BAY". To the left is pointed "REACTOR ROOM" and "COMMUNICATIONS ROOM" and this is the direction that BUTLER takes.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE UNDERGROUND STATION. PASSAGE
(Up above, the DOCTOR has come out of hiding and is examining the louvered slats of the cupboard door. He depresses the correct one.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: INT. BUNKER. PASSAGE OUTSIDE LIFT
(The lift door closes and the up blue arrow is illuminated.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: INT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE UNDERGROUND STATION. PASSAGE
(As he waits, the DOCTOR tries several skeleton keys on the door. He manages to unlock it just as the lift arrives. He opens the door and looks in. He sees nothing obvious beyond the mop, overalls and other cleaning equipment. He leaves his torch in the passage and enters the lift.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. CUPBOARD LIFT
(He pulls the door to behind him. He looks round for a control but can see none. On the wall behind him is a coat rack. He presses what appears to be the head of a screw and finds out that's just what it is. He pulls at one of the coat pegs and then another after taking a cloth cap off it. Again nothing happens. When he pulls at the third coat peg he finds that it twists on its axis to operate the lift.
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
(At the back of the control room is an illuminated map of the bunker. In addition to the sign on the passage wall, this also shows "ROYAL SUITE", "VICTUALS" and "MINISTER DAY ROOM". A blue light starts to flash behind a small box to indicate the lift in use. BUTLER and WHITAKER are there but fail to notice the signal. WHITAKER is looking through the contents of the case that BUTLER has brought.)
BUTLER: I trust you now have everything you need, Professor?
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: I don't know yet. If I need more equipment, you'll have to provide it.
BUTLER: It isn't easy getting this stuff for you. Every time I go into those streets I risk being shot as a looter.
(BUTLER suddenly spots the flashing light.)
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Well, you could take the Ministry...
(WHITAKER looks at BUTLER and seeing the look on his face, follows his line of sight.)
BUTLER: Someone's using the blue lift.
(The light continues to flash...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. BUNKER. PASSAGE OUTSIDE LIFT
(...as the lift arrives. The door opens and the DOCTOR steps cautiously out. He reads the sign and decides to go in the direction of the Reactor Room. He fails to see that he has just passed a wall-mounted security camera.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
(The image of the DOCTOR in another passage appears on a monitor in the control room.)
BUTLER: It's him - it's the Doctor, UNIT's scientific advisor. How did he find us?
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Presumably you led him here.
BUTLER: Needn't be such a bad thing. We can deal with him here and now. Let's see. He's going towards the reactor.
(BUTLER chooses a button from a large selection on a bank next to the monitor.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: INT. BUNKER. PASSAGE
(The DOCTOR turns round one corner in a passage, heads along and looks round another corner. He sees a door with "REACTOR ROOM" on it. He heads for it but a steel shutter suddenly falls down before him, cutting him off from the door. He examines the shutter and then turns back.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
(BUTLER and WHITAKER watch...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: INT. BUNKER. PASSAGE
(...as the DOCTOR turns a corner into another passage. Another shutter comes down behind him causing him to jump. He moves off again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: He's heading towards the Cabinet room.
BUTLER: Right.
(He reaches for the buttons again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. BUNKER. PASSAGE
(The DOCTOR is back in front of the lift again. He chooses another direction, walks down it and waits at the intersection for a moment. He then takes a pace or two forward, only for another shutter to come down.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
(BUTLER starts to quietly laugh but WHITAKER remains stony-faced.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: INT. BUNKER. PASSAGE OUTSIDE LIFT
(The DOCTOR turns back. He looks down one side passage and sees that the shutter is already down blocking that route and the same is true of the passage in the opposite direction. He is trapped. As he thinks, the lift door behind him hums open. With a look part way between being rueful and embarrassed, he walks into the proffered lift. The door closes on him and the up arrow is illuminated.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
25: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
(The blue light flashes on the illuminated map once more.)
BUTLER: He's in the lift.
(He switches off the monitor. WHITAKER is absorbed at another console. This has a large monitor screen and a series of yellow levers with one red lever in the middle. It is the main time transportation device.)
BUTLER: Is everything ready?
(He rubs his hands together and then sees that WHITAKER is not going to answer. He walks up behind him and sees that on the colour monitor is an image from millions of years ago - a Pterodactyl flapping its arms as it rests on a rock in a prehistoric landscape.)
BUTLER: Excellent.
(WHITAKER slowly depresses a yellow lever. Far back in time, red rays emanate from the reptile and it fades from view.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
26: INT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE UNDERGROUND STATION. PASSAGE
(The DOCTOR has come out of the lift and stands nonplussed in the underground station passage. As he reaches down for his torch and radar device, the Pterodactyl screeches out of the darkness and over his head. As the creature comes back, the DOCTOR runs back into the cupboard.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
27: INT. CUPBOARD LIFT
(A mop has fallen meaning that he cannot close the door properly. As he tries to free the obstruction, the Pterodactyl pokes its head through the gap to snap at the DOCTOR. He tries to push it away with his arm but the creature is not so easily repulsed and the DOCTOR is forced to parry its attack with the mop. The reptile flies back from the cupboard...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28: INT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE UNDERGROUND STATION. PASSAGE
(...and the DOCTOR comes out with the mop as his only weapon. The Pterodactyl flies down at him again and again and each time a thrust at it with the mop is the DOCTOR'S only defence. Finally, he abandons the mop and scoots up the stairs leaving the screeching reptile behind him.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
29: INT. SPACESHIP. MAIN CHAMBER
(SARAH is still talking to the three people on the spaceship.)
SARAH: Don't you think that people have a right to choose what kind of life they want?
RUTH: People on Earth were allowed to choose. And see what kind of a world they made - moral degradation, permissiveness, usury, cheating, lying, cruelty.
SARAH: Well, there...there's also a lot of love and kindness and honesty. You've got a warped view of things.
(The smiles disappear off ADAM and RUTH'S faces.)
RUTH: You mustn't say such things.
SARAH: I'll say whatever I like.
MARK: The strain of reawakening must have disturbed her mind.
SARAH: There's nothing wrong with my mind!
ADAM: I was assured that everyone had been most carefully selected.
(He crosses to SARAH.)
ADAM: I don't think you're going to be happy with us. If you feel like this why did you join us?
SARAH: No, I didn't join you. I was brought here against my will.
RUTH: We shall have to do something about this. She'll be a disruptive influence.
ADAM: I think you'd better come with me.
(He starts to gently lead her away.)
SARAH: Where to?
RUTH: You can't be allowed to go about saying these things. You'll have to be re-educated.
(RUTH takes SARAH'S other arm and they lead her off. MARK watches them go with some concern.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
30: EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE UNDERGROUND STATION
(The BRIGADIER in his jeep drives the DOCTOR back to the underground station. The DOCTOR leads him to the trellis gate which opens immediately that he pushes on it. They go inside.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
31: INT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE UNDERGROUND STATION. PASSAGE
(Having abandoned his larger torch in the fight with the Pterodactyl, the DOCTOR lights the way down the steps with a small torch.)
DOCTOR: Mind the steps, Brigadier.
(The BRIGADIER follows him down into the echoing darkness.)
DOCTOR: ... It's through here.
(He leads the BRIGADIER towards the cupboard, stopping to collect his larger torch from under the bench and pocketing the smaller. He then goes to the cupboard.)
DOCTOR: Here it is.
(He opens the door. The inside is not illuminated as before. The DOCTOR switches the torch on and walks in.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
32: INT. CUPBOARD LIFT
(The BRIGADIER doesn't follow him in but instead pokes his head inside.)
DOCTOR: Don't just stand there! Come on in - close the door.
(The BRIGADIER does as instructed.)
DOCTOR: Now the activating mechanism is right here.
(The DOCTOR raises the torch but the row of pegs have disappeared and the wall is blank.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Where?
DOCTOR: (Puzzled.) Well, it...it was there, but now...now it seems to have gone.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You sure we've come to the right place?
DOCTOR: Shh! Of course I'm sure!
[SCENE_BREAK]
33: INT. CHARLES GROVER'S OFFICE
(The DOCTOR sits with GROVER in his office. The Minister looks at the DOCTOR with a polite smile on his face whilst the BRIGADIER looks out of the window in some embarrassment.)
DOCTOR: Look, I tell you that it is there, Minister - somewhere beneath that underground station. Some kind of emergency shelter for the government.
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: You must have been talking to Miss Smith.
(The BRIGADIER turns from the window, interested in this development.)
DOCTOR: Oh, what about?
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Well, didn't she tell you? She came to me with the most marvellous theory about such a place having been built under central London.
DOCTOR: And had it?
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I'm afraid not. We went through the files together. The place was planned but it was never built.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You're sure of that, sir?
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Well, I had the file here somewhere after we'd looked at it.
(He opens his desk drawer and looks in it.)
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Ah.
(He opens the file on the desk for all to see.)
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: There we are.
(As the DOCTOR broods, the BRIGADIER crosses to the file and reads its summary...)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: "Project abandoned. No further action to be taken." See, Doctor?
(He pushes the file across to the DOCTOR. He, without taking his eyes off GROVER, shuts the file having taken no interest whatsoever in its contents.)
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) You'll forgive me, Minister, if I prefer to believe the evidence of my own eyes.
(GROVER looks momentarily concerned and then shuts the file back in the desk drawer.)
DOCTOR: Where did Miss Smith go to after she'd...visited you?
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Back to UNIT HQ. I sent her in my own car.
DOCTOR: You quite certain?
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I can check for you.
DOCTOR: Thank you, sir.
(GROVER presses an upright intercom on his desk.)
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: (Into intercom.) My chauffeur still there?
(A male voice comes over the intercom.)
SECRETARY: (OOV: Over intercom.) Yes, sir. Shall I tell him to bring the car round?
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: (Into intercom.) No, tell him to come in here, please.
SECRETARY: (OOV: Over intercom.) Yes, sir.
(GROVER switches the intercom off and stands up.)
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Would you two like a cup of tea? I've become quite an expert.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: That's very kind of you, sir. I don't think so just at the moment.
(There is a knock on the door.)
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Come in.
(BUTLER walks into the room in a chauffeur's outfit. The DOCTOR glances at him but doesn't recognise him from the darkness of the underground station.)
BUTLER: You wanted me, sir?
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: The young lady from UNIT who was visiting me - where did you take her?
BUTLER: Well, back to UNIT HQ, sir.
(The DOCTOR looks up at him.)
DOCTOR: You quite sure of that?
BUTLER: Oh yes, sir. I saw her go inside.
[SCENE_BREAK]
34: INT. SPACESHIP. REMINDER ROOM
(SARAH sits in a bare room in the spaceship. On one wall is a large monitor screen on which is displayed a documentary showing the effects of sewage and industrial waste. The commentary is by BUTLER...)
BUTLER: (OOV: Film commentary.) Ever since the dawn of the Industrial Revolution, man has continued to pollute the planet which until now has been his only home. Chemical and industrial wastes have caused...
(SARAH turns and sits on the chair facing away from the screen. She places her hands over her ears to shut out the sound.)
BUTLER: (OOV: Film commentary.) ...widespread poisoning of the air and the rivers. Even the oceans are...
(The sound and picture suddenly cut out. The door to the room opens and MARK enters with a tray of food in his hand and a smile on his face.)
MARK: I've brought you something to eat.
(SARAH looks at the tray. It contains a small cob of bread and a mug of drink.)
SARAH: Not going to get overweight, am I?
MARK: That's pure bread.
SARAH: But not much of it!
(She stands up and he puts the tray on the chair.)
MARK: Once you've been reminded, you'll eat with the rest of us.
SARAH: Reminded?
MARK: Of the truth. We all come in here from time to time to be reminded of the purposes of our mission.
SARAH: You're here because you want to be, mm? I don't!
MARK: You must have been selected, otherwise why would you be here?
(SARAH'S voice starts to rise...)
SARAH: I was brought here - kidnapped!
(MARK points at the screen and starts to leave.)
MARK: Watch the film. It'll remind you of the truth.
SARAH: Hey! I want to talk to you!
(But he has already closed the door on her. This causes the film to re-start automatically.)
BUTLER: (OOV: Film commentary.) Dangerous concentrations of cumulative poisons such as mercury are already being found in fish...
(SARAH sighs, picks up the bread and starts to eat, placing one hand over her left ear to block out the sound.)
BUTLER: (OOV: Film commentary.) ...and when fish start to die, then the very sea's where life began are now becoming life-'less' and stinky.
[SCENE_BREAK]
35: INT. SPACESHIP. MAIN CHAMBER
(MARK has reported the lack of progress back to ADAM and RUTH, the latter of whom is doing some sewing.)
RUTH: We can't afford this girl's disruptive influence.
ADAM: One girl amongst so many of us. Can't do much harm.
RUTH: She could corrupt the whole of our group. We can't afford the risk.
MARK: What can we do?
(RUTH looks saddened.)
RUTH: If she doesn't respond the re-education...we shall have to destroy her.
(MARK shows concern whilst ADAM tries to put a brave face on the situation.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
36: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
(YATES, GROVER and FINCH are with BUTLER and WHITAKER in the underground control room.)
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Final tests have all been positive. Now once the power build-up from the reactor is complete, we shall be ready to commence the countdown.
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: And when the experiment is over the colonists and their spaceship will be able to emerge onto their new Earth.
GENERAL FINCH: How much longer before this countdown begins?
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Oh, a matter of hours.
GENERAL FINCH: I'm under great pressure from the government. The whole country's been disrupted by this evacuation of London.
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: It won't be for much longer.
GENERAL FINCH: They're on to Whitaker, you know? Trying to trace him.
BUTLER: (To GROVER.) Remember the Doctor's already discovered the existence of this place.
CAPTAIN YATES: I warned you not to underestimate him.
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: I agree - he's a very intelligent man. I think he suspects my involvement.
GENERAL FINCH: We ought to dispose of him.
CAPTAIN YATES: No, sir. We must not descend to those methods.
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: Quite right, Captain Yates. But perhaps there's another way?
GENERAL FINCH: What do you mean?
CHARLES GROVER M.P.: You, General Finch, will be able to block the Brigadier from taking positive action from finding this place. As far as the Doctor is concerned - we must discredit him.
(YATES looks guilty.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
37: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR sits at the school laboratory bench, almost sulking over the set of cut chains as the BRIGADIER talks to him.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Apart from your story, Doctor - which, forgive me, is pretty unbelievable - there isn't a shred of evidence to suggest this place exists. Now you heard the Minister yourself - it was never built.
DOCTOR: Grover was covering up because he's implicated himself.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And what possible reason could the Minister have for being involved in the apparition of these monsters?
DOCTOR: The monsters are a side-issue, Brigadier - a device to clear central London. No, some...some vast scheme is underway, I'm sure of it. And it's rapidly moving towards its climax.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, what do you expect me to do?
DOCTOR: Get back to that underground station with explosives.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I can't do that without authority. I need permission from General Finch.
DOCTOR: (Sharply.) Then get it!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Alright, Doctor, I'll do my best. But he'll probably insist on referring it to the Minister, and if your theory's true, that's not going to get us anywhere.
(The BRIGADIER leaves a tired DOCTOR behind. After he has gone, BENTON comes in from the other door.)
SERGEANT BENTON: There's a call for you, Doctor.
(He moves over to the phone in the science room.)
DOCTOR: Who is it?
SERGEANT BENTON: He wouldn't give his name. He said he'd only talk to you.
(The DOCTOR goes over to the phone.)
SERGEANT BENTON: (Into phone.) Hello, would you put the Doctor's call through to here, please? (He listens.) Ah, thank you.
(He hands the phone to the DOCTOR.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Okay.
(He goes back out of the room.)
DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Hello?
[SCENE_BREAK]
38: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
(BUTLER watches as WHITAKER speaks to the DOCTOR...)
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: (Into phone.) Is that you, Doctor?
DOCTOR: (OOV: Over phone.) Yes, who's that?
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: (Into phone.) Er, my name is Whitaker, Doctor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
39: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR'S tiredness disappears...)
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: (OOV: Over phone.) I understand you've been trying to trace me?
DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Whitaker? The man with the time travel theories. Tell me - are you responsible for these apparitions?
[SCENE_BREAK]
40: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: (Into phone.) Er, well in a way. But I was tricked - i...it's the Minister, Grover. He told me I was working on a government project. But I've escaped and now they're after me.
DOCTOR: (OOV: Over phone.) Where are you now, sir?
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: (Into phone.) I'm in the hanger where you were conducting your experiments. I hoped you'd be here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
41: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY
DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Well, look, can you get down to UNIT headquarters, it's in a ma...
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: (OOV: Over phone.) ... I'm afraid to move.
DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Oh, alright. You stay where you are. I'll come to you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
42: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: (Into phone.) Er, can you come alone, Doctor? I don't trust anyone else.
[SCENE_BREAK]
43: INT. SCHOOL SCIENCE LABORATORY
DOCTOR: (Into phone.) Yes, alright. I'll be with you as soon as I can. Goodbye.
(He puts the phone down, thinks for a second and then leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
44: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
(BUTLER smiles and nods at WHITAKER. He then moves over to one of the small monitors and switches it on.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
45: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER OFFICE
(A strange device has been placed in the partially wrecked hanger office. A large half-dome sits on a stand, part of which gives off a glow. There is a piece of machinery inside the dome and the whole device gives off a quiet hum. The door which leads to the outside opens and the cloaked DOCTOR enters.)
DOCTOR: Whitaker?
(He almost immediately spots the addition to the room. He goes over and looks closely at it.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
46: INT. BUNKER. CONTROL ROOM
(Part of the device is a camera and the DOCTOR'S face appears on the monitor in the control room. BUTLER watches this while WHITAKER stands at the device which carries out the time transportations.)
BUTLER: He's arrived.
PROFESSOR WHITAKER: Good. I'm ready for him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
47: INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER OFFICE
(The DOCTOR goes over to the wrecked window overlooking the hanger. He shouts into the cavernous space...)
DOCTOR: Whitaker?! Whitaker, where are you?!
(Suddenly the DOCTOR is alert. He hears a familiar high-pitched whine and watches as a Stegosaurus appears within the series of emanating rays. Suddenly several figures comes through the door - GENERAL FINCH, the BRIGADIER and two regular army soldiers.)
GENERAL FINCH: There's your monster-maker, Brigadier - caught in the act! | Plan: A: the spaceship; Q: Sarah tries to find a way off what? A: the Doctor; Q: Who is trying to track the source of the time displacements? Summary: Sarah attempts to find a way off the spaceship while the Doctor tries to track down the source of the time displacements. |
Ray: Hey buddy. Isn't she something?
Bubbles: Ray, you're two hours late.
Ray: Had to do a couple of things bud.
Bubbles: Ah! There's ladies up in my seat.
Ray: You know, they needed a ride to Maine. I don't see it's any big deal. It's not going to slow us up.
Bubbles: They're ladies of the evening!
Ray: Friends of the road, buddy.
Bubbles: Open it up. I'll load the carts on. No really, Ray, I'll get em. Don't worry about it.
Ray: Come on, you got her bud. Good work Bubbs. [Clapping] Good work buddy.
Bubbles: I was joking! I could use some help.
[music]
Julian: [shouting] Ricky, wake up!
Rick! Ricky! Get up! [banging on door]
Ricky: Hey man. Little early, isn't it?
Julian: I gotta show you something.
Ricky: Watch where you step man, there's f*cking frogs in here again.
Julian: Here, check that out.
Ricky: [reading] Dear boys, Ray is driving me Julian: Here, give me that. [reading] Ray is driving me to Maine to make a little money on scrap and I'm going to that train convention I told you about. I need you to feed Shitrock and the Purr-monster. Back in a few days, Bubbles.
Ricky: Well, don't worry about it. I mean, he's with my dad. He'll be alright.
Woman 1: Want a beer, Ray?
Ray: Oh god, yes. Thanks baby.
Mandy: How's that feel Ray?
Ray: Oh Mandy, that's perfect.
Bubbles: Ray!
Ray: Bubbs, way of the road buddy. Way of the road.
Bubbles: Yeah, well the way of Bubbles is that I'm not missing this train convention [whispering] cause you're doing greasy stuff.
Ray: Geez, buddy, come on.
Bubbles: What time did Shitty say to meet him?
Ray: Eight o'clock in Skowhegan, buddy.
Bubbles: Eight in Skowhegan. Well listen Ray, you get drunk tonight and do your thing. First thing in the morning, we're back on the road. I'm not missing Sebastian, he's on at four.
Ray: Hey, Bubbs.
Bubbles: Hot hamburg sandwiches!
Ray: Equals hot "pull the f*ck over". I'm starving. Hot hamburg sandwiches, girls. Okay. That was great. Mandy thanks. You're wonderful. Hey Bubbs, hey buddy. Can you get a picture of both you and me in front of the American flag there?
Bubbs: Yeah Ray. Yeah, alright. I'll wind her up here.
Ray: Got her? In America buddy.
Bubbles: America!
Ray: Got the flag?
Bubbles: I think so. Smile. Ray, these pictures turned out excellent.
Ray: Well that's a great shot Bubbs, love that one. Hey, I like those guys. Who are those girls?
Bubbles: I was taking a picture of the truck Ray. Ray, look, I checked stainless steel this morning. It's going through the roof. I mean, even after we take out rig rental, gas money, food and liquor and Shitty's cut, four grand each!
Ray: Hi!
Paradise: Hi.
Ray: I'm Ray.
Paradise: Paradise. This is Sandy Mason.
Ray: Hey Sandy, Hey Paradise. Nice meeting you. I've got the big black rig out front, S&B on the side.
Paradise: Right, I saw it out there. You got a, you got a mattress in there?
Ray: In the back, of course, yeah.
Bubbles: We're just passing through. We don't have time to talk. Nice to meet ya's though. Very nice. Ray!
Ray: Paradise!
Bubbles: Back off! Do we gotta take somebody with us every time we leave?
Ray: It's way of the road Bubbs. You meet people. That's what happens when you are on the road.
Bubbles: Well, can't it just be the two of us driving alone instead of ladies of the evening?
Ray: They're friends of the road Bubbs, and they're not going to be there the whole time. Come on, Bubbs, be hospitable.
Bubbles: Ray, I didn't want to have to say this. It's awkward and uncomfortable. Ray, that f*cking gravy? Unbelievable!
Ray: Best gravy in all of Maine, down here buddy.
Bubbles: I don't know how they make it, it's so thick.
Ray: Oh, it's a lot of hamburger sh1t, and chicken sh1t. They put it all together. Oh f*ck Bubbles, listen. Can you go back and get Shitty a twelve pack of beer. I forgot. Would you mind?
Woman: Hey there, do you boys like to party?
Bubbles: No actually, we don't like to party. We like to get back on the road.
Ray: Actually I, I like to party. Come on. Okay, well listen, you're going to have to be quick cause Bubbles is going to be back here any minute, okay? Um, let me just um f*cking get rid of this. Um.
Woman: Hon, you gotta pay up front.
Ray: Yeah, yeah, okay. Let's do it. What the f*ck is this?
Woman: You're under arrest for soliciting prostitution.
Ray: What! Soliciting prostitution. That's prostitution. What do you think that money was for? That? No, who the hell are you? You're not even a real cop. This is bullshit. Ack! What are you guys doing. Something else. Bastards.
Bubbles: [Humming]
[sound of Ray shouting]
You guys are going to hear about this. I am a Canadian citizen. This is an illegal arrest in the United States of America. I want to drive back to Canada. You guys are, you are going to have a lot of explaining to do. You want to start explaining now, cause it's, there's going to be a lot of trouble. My government.
Bubbles: [groaning] [shouting] No, I'm not going. I didn't do anything wrong. That's horseshit and you know it. I want your name. You're going to be hearing from my government. I'm a citizen of the government of Canada Bubbles: f*ck!
Ray: I'm in a lot of sh1t.
Bubbles: Bubbles.
[sound of phone ringing]
Julian: Hello?
Bubbles: Julian, oh my f*ck. Ray f*cked up.
He's busted. I got no money. I'm at a truck stop right off of airline route number Julian: Bubbles, Bubbles, Bubbles, slow down. Slow down. Relax.
Bubbles: I'm in Bangor Maine, Julian. I don't know it's a truck stop. Highway 301 or something. I have no money. I'm scared shitless. I don't know what to do. You gotta come and get me. That's all there is to it. You take the new ferry Julian, you'll be here in less than seven hours. Please, I'm scared. Get Lucy to look after Shitrock and the Purr-monster.
Julian: Alright, alright, I promise I'll look after Shitrock and the Purr-monster. Just don't move where you're at okay. Just stay right there.
Bubbles: I'm f*cking scared Julian. Hurry up.
Julian: Just don't move from where you're at, okay?
Bubbles: Holy f*ck!
[moaning]
Ricky: Only two miles from the border.
Julian: Pull over.
Ricky: Why?
Julian: Ricky, just pull over.
Okay, get out. I'm driving.
Ricky: Why, what are you talking about?
Julian: Rick, we're crossing into the US, we gotta make sure there's no dope in this car.
Ricky: They're not going to search up there.
Julian: They're going to search everything Ricky.
Ricky: f*ck!
Julian: That would have landed us in jail for ten years. That's not good. Keep looking.
Ricky: Are they really that f*cked down there?
Julian: They're f*cked.
Bubbles: Shitty! Shitty, it's Bubbles. Yeah listen, bud. The rig got seized. Ray got busted. Yeah, whores. I think he's in deep sh1t Shitty. I'm f*cking here all alone. I don't know what I'm going to do. Just tell Rusty in Skowhegan, we're not going to be there. The deal's off. I'm sorry. Alright, you too Shitty. Thanks bud.
Ricky: Oh man, are they ever getting f*cked over. You're supposed to throw your dope away before you get to the border. You f*cked up. [barking sound] Shut the f*ck up.
Julian: Ricky, are you sure there's no dope in here?
Ricky: I'm pretty sure Julian. There's a couple of cracks and stuff, I think I got rid of all of it.
Julian: Pretty sure? Rick, you've got to be a hundred percent.
Border Guard: What's your business in the US?
Julian: Shopping at the factory outlets in Calais. What?
Border Guard: Go ahead.
Julian: Are you sure?
Border Guard: You want me to pull you over and search your car?
Julian: No, no, that's fine.
Border Guard: Go!
Julian: Alright, thank you Officer.
Ricky: That's f*cking it? You made me throw my dope away for that? Now we got no f*cking dope down here.
Voice over telephone: In the movie Meatballs, who played the crazy camp counselor? One, Marlon Brando. Two, Bill Murray, or Three, Tom Hanks.
[sound of phone beeping]
Voice over telephone: You're absolutely right. Bill Murray.
Bubbles: Ah, no kidding! That was easy.
Whoooo!
Ricky: f*ck, I hope he didn't leave. Where the f*ck is he?
Julian: There's a phone booth.
Ricky: Holy f*ck, that's him. He's in the phone booth.
Julian: Bubbles. [fingers snapping] Bubbles, are you okay? Bubbs, it's us!
Bubbles: [shouting]
Ricky: Bubbs, it's us. It's okay. We're not going to hurt you.
Julian: You're just in shock man.
Bubbles: Train convention.
Julian: Yeah, yeah, train convention, remember that?
Ricky: Julian, keep talking about the trains. Snap him out of it. I'll get the car, alright.
Bubbles: Holy f*ck Julian. I'm tired. I haven't slept in like twenty- five hours. Trains.
Julian: Lay down Bubbles, get some sleep.
Bubbles: I can't sleep Julian.
Ricky: Julian, we're not really going to this f*cking train convention are we?
Julian: Yes.
Ricky: I got no dope. I can't deal with f*cking training modeling with no dope.
Julian: Rick, we're doing this for Bubbles. I'm worried about him. He needs us. He needs to relax. Let's just try to have some fun and stop worrying about dope.
Ricky: Fine, I'll f*cking go, but I gotta find some f*cking dope, Julian. He is f*cking banged up.
Julian: Hey Bubbs. Bubbs, wake up.
Bubbles: Reindeer, reindeer.
Julian: Wake up, buddy. We're here.
Bubbles: What? Where are we? Where's Ray?
Julian: We're at the convention.
Bubbles: Oh, let's rock some beers.
Julian: Let's go check out some trains, come on man.
Ricky: Well, let's set up camp first while we still got the light.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[loud music]
[crowd cheering]
Sebastian Bach: Hey guys! What the f*ck's going on!
Sebastian's Handler: Sebastian please, no swearing.
Sebastian Bach: Hey, who here loves trains?
I'll get ya inside. What's up dude? Hey how's it going? How long am I going to do this?
Sebastian's Handler: Hour, hour and a half tops.
Sebastian Bach: That's all I'm giving you. You better get me some f*cking Sebastian's Handler: I'll get you some f*cking weed. Don't I always hook you up?
Ricky: Two bucks a pack? In jail? f*ck, I should get arrested, come in and hang out with you. No, I know. Alright. Well you take care of yourself in there buddy. Love you dad. Okay, see you.
Bubbles: How's Ray doing?
Ricky: Not too bad. He got three months, which is pretty good for whores. Just needs some cigarette money, he's going to meet us back at the park. Do you guys know how f*cking cheap cigarettes are here? It's ridiculous.
Bubbles: Ricky, let's go in and look at some trains now. Come on.
[music]
Announcer: Tyson Trains is proud to present our competitive model train world champion, Sebastian Bach.
[loud music and cheering]
Sebastian Bach: You know, I was told that I wasn't supposed to swear in here tonight.
But I know, I just know, that there is some great f*cking trains here in Bangor.
Bubbles: Oh, boys, check it out! Decent.
Ricky: Hey, got any dope? Hey, do you guys smoke dope? Got any hash, bottle tokes? Smoke dope, got a roach around here? Who's got dope around here?
Julian: Smarten the f*ck up.
Bubbles: Boy, check out the train sets. Look at the f*cking detail. Little cars, little people. Amazing! Holy f*ck, boys. Sebastian Bach is on stage. That is him!
Little girl: How'd you get into model railroading Sebastian.
Sebastian Bach: Great question. Couple of tours back, me and the guys woke up one morning. We'd stolen a model train from somewhere the night before. Crazy f*cking night. I don't know, we didn't really remember but we set it up and geez, before we even knew it, we weren't even drinking in the daytime any more. We were just playing with that train. I f*cking love model train railroading man. That's how I became a champion.
Little boy: Yeah. Who holds first place in weight pull this year?
Sebastian Bach: That would be Patrick Swayzie.
Little boy: Damn right!
Bubbles: Well Sebastian Bach and Patrick Swayzie, those guys have a rivalry going on hard and, I mean, the gossip is that Sebastian is very jealous of Swayzie's train and you can't blame him. It's a f*cking nice train.
Little boy: Is it true that you backed down from a fight with him last year?
Bubbles: Apparently Sebastian got fed up last year at the World Championships in Copenhagen, and he told Patrick Swayzie to f*ck off. [laughing] Swayzie wouldn't f*ck off though, he challenged him to a fight right in front of everybody.
Sebastian Bach: As I told everybody, I was sick with the f*cking flu. I didn't back down from sh1t!
Little boy: Bullshit you had the flu, you had the "I'm afraid of Patrick Swayzie".
Bubbles: You know what, Patrick Swayzie uses illegal parts. That's why he's winning all the time. Maybe you should stop hurting people's feelings.
Sebastian Bach: Guys, if you want to talk about Patrick Swayzie all f*cking night, then it's over for here for me right now.
Sebastian's handler: Sebastian, dude, you gotta chill with this Swayzie sh1t, alright?
Sebastian Bach: Dude, I'm kind of busy with chicks. Alright? Alright? What are you, my mum?
Sebastian's handler: I'm glad you cheered up a little bit.
Sebastian Bach: Well, what else can we do to cheer up tonight?
Julian: Let's go check out the Swayzie Express man, come on.
Ricky: I'm just going to go to the bathroom. Really nice to meet you.
Sebastian Bach: Hey, you know what, tell your buddy I said thanks for sticking up for me out there.
Ricky: I will, and you know what? He was wondering if you know where to get some weed. We're from Canada and can't find nothing. We're just dying for a toke.
Sebastian Bach: I don't do drugs.
Ricky: Yes, you do. I saw you on the cover of High Times. I know you smoke dope.
Sebastian Bach: I'll meet you in the parking lot, alright. I'll see you there in about an hour or so.
Ricky: f*cking awesome.
Sebastian Bach: Here you go.
Ricky: No, I'm good thanks.
Sebastian Bach: [laughing] Yes!
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, gather round. And witness the fantastic, the international red ribbon finalist, the custom-built, incredible Swayzie Express.
Bubbles: Trains.
Announcer: The only one in the world. The personal train of Julian: Bubbs, you okay man?
Announcer: Patrick Swayzie.
Bubbles: Fine, Julian.
Ricky: Oh Julian, if I don't find some dope soon, man, I'm going to start to go crazy. There's got to be some dope in here somewhere, fell down through the vents or something over the years. Dirty old f*cking roach.
Bubbles: Hey boys?
Ricky: f*ck!
Bubbles: I think I'm going to go stretch my legs.
Ricky: Okay Bubbs. f*cking, f*cking coming off. Oh, where'd it go, yes!
[loud music]
Sebastian Bach: What's going on with you freaks?
Ricky: f*ck, he showed up!
My f*ck he's cool Julian. Cool f*cking car man!
Sebastian Bach: Sorry it took so long dude.
Julian: Good to meet you man.
Sebastian Bach: Nice to meet you too.
Ricky: f*ck, we didn't think you were coming. I ripped my whole f*cking dash out looking for dope.
Sebastian Bach: Dude, I got some dope but it's like half a f*cking gram of sh1t mall weed from the f*cking arcade.
Ricky: f*ck, well I found some great dope.
Sebastian Bach: For real?
Ricky: Yeah. I grew this myself man. This is good f*cking Canadian dope, it'll blow your head off.
Sebastian Bach: Well dude, did you not notice that there's like gum and hair on it.
Ricky: I know, but it's awesome, trust me.
Sebastian Bach: Alright. Cool. Where's your buddy? That cool guy with the glasses?
Ricky: I think he went to rock a piss.
Ricky: f*ck, I can't believe you paid twelve bucks a gram for this shitty arcade dope. I'm going to smoke some more of mine.
Sebastian Bach: Righteous. f*ck, I haven't had a dope like this in years. f*cking years! You grew this?
Ricky: Yeah man.
Sebastian Bach: I haven't had dope like this since I was touring Europe in '88 with Scorpions. [shouting] Hello California! You are crazy! We are Scorpions! Rock you like a Hurricane!!!
Sebastian's Handler: Sebastian!
Sebastian Bach: What the f*ck!
Sebastian's Handler: f*ck!
Sebastian Bach: Dude, this weed kicks my ass man.
Julian: We've got tons of that stuff back home man, here.
Sebastian Bach: Not to be a pain, but is there any chance I can buy just what you have here? It's so hard to get good dope here these days. Dude, there's f*cking greasy old bees on this one. Am I paying for the bees too? What is this, f*cking honey oil?
Ricky: It was in the f*cking dash man. Sorry.
Bubbles: Hey guys.
Sebastian Bach: Oh dude. Thank you so much for sticking up for me out there.
Bubbles: No problem, I mean. Train guys know the real deal. It's all about respect, Mr. Bach.
Sebastian Bach: Geez, hang on a sec. f*ck, I gotta get going man. My wife is going to f*cking kill. I really really appreciate the dope guys.
Ricky: No problem.
Sebastian Bach: You know what, it was really nice meeting you cocksuckers.
Ricky: Nice meeting you too man.
Sebastian Bach: Right on dude. Listen, take my card alright, I want you guys to give me a call, but be super cool on the phone, alright?
Bubbles: Got another one of those?
Sebastian Bach: Yeah dude, right on.
Bubbles: Decent.
Sebastian Bach: I think I'm too f*cking baked man.
Sebastian's Handler: Give me the keys.
Sebastian Bach: You're driving.
Bubbles: Boys, you know what, f*ck camping here. Let's, let's get outta here.
Ricky: Bubbles, chill out. We're having a good time here.
Bubbles: No boys, pack it up. Let's go.
Julian: What the f*ck's wrong man?
Bubbles: Just get in the car! Let's go!
Bubbles: Ricky, Julian. Wake up, we're home. Boys, wake up. I gotta show you guys something. It's going to freak you out. Boys, I don't know exactly what came over me but I just couldn't stop myself. I had to have it. The personal train of Patrick Swayzie.
Ricky: Bubbles, have you lost your f*cking mind?
Bubbles: No Ricky. I'm fine. | Plan: A: Bubbles; Q: Who steals Patrick Swayze's model train? A: Maine; Q: Where do Ricky and Julian travel to rescue Bubbles? A: recycled shopping carts; Q: What do Ray and Bubbles want to cash in on? A: a nearby model train convention; Q: Where is Sebastian Bach scheduled to appear? A: where famed heavy-metal singer Sebastian Bach; Q: What is the model train convention in Maine? A: Sebastian Bach; Q: Who is the heavy metal singer that Ray and Bubbles are hoping to see at the model train convention? A: their truck; Q: What is seized when Ray gets busted for soliciting prostitution? A: Bangor; Q: Where is the truck stop where Bubbles is stranded? A: an apparent mental breakdown; Q: What does Bubbles suffer? A: The Swayzie Express; Q: What is the name of Patrick Swayze's model train? A: the quality; Q: What is Bach impressed with in Ricky's dope? Summary: Ray and Bubbles travel to Maine to cash in on recycled shopping carts and use the opportunity to attend a nearby model train convention where famed heavy-metal singer Sebastian Bach is scheduled to appear. Things go awry when Ray gets busted for soliciting prostitution and their truck is seized, and Bubbles is left alone and stranded in a phone booth at a Bangor truck-stop. Ricky and Julian travel to Maine to rescue Bubbles, who suffers an apparent mental breakdown and steals actor Patrick Swayze 's own personal model train, "The Swayzie Express". Bach is impressed with the quality of Ricky's dope. |
[Scene: Inside the local store. Jen and Pacey are shopping for items for the Thanksgiving dinner.]
Jen: Uh, don't let me forget to get the creamed onions, either.
Pacey: Oh, no. Mm-mmm.
Jen: What's the matter? You don't like creamed onions?
Pacey: No, man, they creep me out. I'm being dead serious here, too. Just the thought of 'em makes me sick to my stomach.
Jen: Ok, Pacey, how about this? I promise to keep all offending vegetables out of your line of sight at all times. Good?
Pacey: You know, Jen, when I suggested that we hook up today, this is not exactly what I had in mind.
Jen: Believe me, Pacey, I know, but unfortunately, Grams' Thanksgiving feast Takes precedence over our burgeoning s*x life.
Pacey: Correct me if I'm wrong, but we don't actually have a s*x life yet, do we?
Jen: What, and you think that that's my fault?
Pacey: Uh...Yeah. I do actually think that that's your fault.
Jen: I'm sorry, Pacey I just find it difficult to... To watch you paw at me with... [Laughs]
Pacey: Foreplay is no laughing matter. How do you expect a guy to do his best work in the face of scorn and derision?
Jen: It's just that we're friends...Right? And seeing as how we are friends, but now we're friends that... Do that, um... It's just gonna take a lit le time getting used to. Although maybe we could find a moment later?
Pacey: I can't. I think I have to go to my parents' for Thanksgiving.
Jen: Ok.
Pacey: I'm sorry. I have to. I figure it's probably the right thing to do, seeing as they brought me into the world and all.
Jen: Gee, you sound so excited.
Pacey: Well, it's such a joyous occasion. Just imagine it-- the Witter women slaving over a hot stove all afternoon just to be told that the butterball is too dry, and this coming from a guy who's been sitting on his derriere all day getting drunk and watching football.
Jen: Well, even despite the creamed onions, You gotta love grams for offering an alternative.
Pacey: I do. Speaking of, you know you never told me who else is coming.
Jen: Don't worry, Pacey. Andie politely declined the invite.
Pacey: Hey, I wasn't going there.
Jen: Please. I think that she's making dinner for Jack and her dad tonight.
Pacey: Sounds nice. It's good for her to have family at Thanksgiving.
Jen: Come here.
[She gives him a big hug.]
Pacey: Mmm! Good lord, do you smell good.
Jen: [Snorts]
Pacey: What was that?
Jen: [Laughing]
Pacey: Oh, come on!
Jen: I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
[Opening Credits]
[Scene: Inside the Leery kitchen. Gale is cooking food for the Ryan's Thanksgiving dinner and Dawson enters after walking through the living room where Mitch is watching football.]
Dawson: Hey.
Gale: Hey. So. What do you think? Tell me the truth. I want my contributions to Mrs. Ryan's Thanksgiving dinner to be straight out of gourmet magazine.
Dawson: It looks like the cover of the November issue to me.
Gale: Ah. So while those cool, I can now get started with this oyster stuffing.
Dawson: So how goes the apartment search?
Gale: Oh, it's... It's coming. But you don't mind, do you, I mean me taking up temporary residence in the guest room?
Mitch: [From the other room] Go! Go! Touchdown! All right! Whoo!
Dawson: This is starting to feel oddly familiar.
Gale: What, your, uh, father watching football and me in my apron?
Mitch: Hey, Dawson, you're missing a great game in there. Whoa! Check out these pies! Dawson, grab a knife. Let's see if they taste as good as they look.
Gale: Uh-uh. Don't even think about it. Hands off. I cannot show up at Mrs. Ryan's with half-eaten baked goods.
Mitch: That hardly seems fair, does it, Dawson? She invades our kitchen, fills the house with the scent of pumpkin pie, and then tells us we can't have any.
Gale: Fair or unfair, no one is going to spoil their Thanksgiving dinner on my watch.
Dawson: [Laughs] Why do I suddenly feel like I'm stuck in an episode of the Waltons?
Gale: Honey, why don't you go change?
[Scene: Inside Gram's Kitchen. Grams is there when Jen enters carrying the grocery bags.]
Jen: Ok. Grams!
Grams: Ah, there you are!
Jen: Hey, Sam says hi.
Grams: Who's Sam?
Jen: You know Sam, the deli guy. The one with the bad dentures, the liver spots, and all that nostril hair? I think he likes you.
Grams: Jennifer, there's something I need to tell you.
Jen: I know, I know. I won't eat any of the food before the meal is served. I will clean out my closet to hang up the guests' coats in, and I will think of something to be thankful for so I won't embarrass you in front of your prayer group.
Grams: Yes. Actually, no. No, that's not what I want to talk to you about
Jen: Seriously Grams, you gotta relax. It's just a meal.
Grams: It's a meal with a long history.
Jen: I'm sure it is. I gotta go get ready.
Grams: Jennifer, I just want you to bear in mind that--that Thanksgiving is a holiday with a tradition, a tradition of people with differences, different ideas, different beliefs coming together... Sitting down together, breaking bread together in harmony.
Jen: Well, despite the fact that I learned all that in kindergarten when we made those little indian construction paper headdresses, I really do appreciate the refresher course. But don't worry. I plan to stay as far out of your way on this, as humanly possible.
[They walk down the hall to her room, as they talk and when she enters her room someone is there.]
Jen: Mom.
Mrs. Lindley: Hello, Jen.
[Scene: The Potter kitchen. Joey and Bessie are in there talking while cooking.]
Bessie: I'm so stupid.
Joey: What?
Bessie: Oh, my god. I totally forgot-- I forgot that-- you know, I forgot that thing that goes inside the bird. What's it called?
Joey: The gizzard bag?
Bessie: Yeah.
Joey: Oh, yuck I swear, I mean, if mom were still alive, she would probably have her own cooking show on the food network by now. And look at us.
Bessie: The truth is, I'm glad we're having Thanksgiving at the Ryans'.
Joey: Me, too. I don't know. Maybe it's just the holidays, but... I just feel like any minute now, she's gonna come walking through that door and... Out of the kitchen, everybody!
[Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson is in there getting ready when there is a knock on the door.]
Gale: Dawson?
Dawson: Come in.
Gale: Hey. Ah, you're wearing your new sweater.
Dawson: Mom.
Gale: Ha. Sorry. Um...You know, honey, I didn't want to say anything earlier in front of your dad, but, uh...You're never gonna guess who I ran into this morning. Helen Lindley.
Dawson: Jen's mom?
Gale: Mm hmm. So what do you think that means?
Dawson: What do I think it means?
Gale: What, you think it's not possible at this very moment the two of them could be discussing a certain half-sister?
Dawson: I think that's highly unlikely, considering Jen doesn't know she has a half-sister.
Gale: You didn't tell her?
Dawson: No.
Gale: Dawson, I'm impressed. I had no idea that you had such self-control.
Dawson: I'd like to brag and say it was self-control, but I think it was more gutlessness than anything.
Gale: Well, then it's just a coincidence.
Dawson: What's just a coincidence?
Gale: Well, that one week you discover a skeleton in the Lindley closet, and then the next the aforementioned family just happens to get together for the first time in over a year.
[Scene: on the Dock. Jen is sitting there and Grams comes up to sit next to her.]
Grams: You've been down here for nearly a half an hour now, Jennifer. You have to come up sooner or later.
Jen: How could you not tell me that she was coming?
Grams: I didn't know! She just... Arrived. It seems your father was detained unexpectedly in Europe on business.
Jen: Now that I can believe. Probably tossing back a vodka martini about now, drowning his sorrows... As if he actually felt any.
Grams: Be generous, Jennifer.
Jen: Why? My mother isn't here 'cause she really wants to see me. She's here 'cause she's got nowhere else to go.
Grams: You don't know that.
Jen: You know what. You're right. I don't. And how would I? The only contact that I've had with her in the past year was a phone call.
Grams: You know what I think?
Jen: What?
Grams: I think that underneath all this, you're really pleased to see her. Well, maybe pleased is not exactly the right word. Maybe it's more like...Prepared. You are prepared to deal with the past. You're prepared to start facing the problems between you.
Jen: I can't even look at her... Let alone talk to her.
Grams: Maybe you can't find the right words because there's too much to say. Jennifer, for the past 14 months, I've been watching you. I've watched you change. You're more serious now. You're more at peace with yourself. It's like...You've crossed some kind of a threshold.
Jen: Threshold. It's more like a crossroads, like I... Like I could just go either way.
Grams: Well...I know that you will choose the right way.
Jen: But in the meantime...
Grams: In the meantime, one foot in front of the other starting in that direction. Come on, Jennifer. You can't stay down here all afternoon. People are starting to arrive. Besides, I'm willing to bet your mother is just as nervous as you are.
Jen: You think?
Grams: Absolutely. In some ways, the two of you are more alike than you know.
[Scene: Outside Grams House. Pacey is outside riding up on his bike, when Jack and Andie arrive.]
Jack: Hey, Pacey. Happy Thanksgiving.
Pacey: Yeah, you, too, man. Happy Thanksgiving, Andie.
Andie: You, too, Pacey.
Pacey: I, uh... I thought you guys were spending the afternoon with your dad.
Jack: Well, that was, uh, plan "A." But he got stuck in Chicago. Any other dad would have found a plane, train, automobile. Anything to see his kids, but not Joseph McPhee.
Andie: You know what, Jack? I'm sure he did everything he could to get here.
Pacey: What'd you bring, Andie?
Andie: Apple pie.
Jack: Yeah, she made it herself.
Pacey: Yeah. It looks amazing.
Jack: Uh...What'd you bring?
Pacey: It's, um... Ha. It's...Cranberry sauce. In a can. Ha ha. Little on the lame side, I know, but it's about the extent of culinary expertise.
Jack: Don't knock cranberry sauce. I mean, it's the backbone of any good Thanksgiving dinner.
Pacey: Yeah. So how you been, Andie?
Andie: Me? Fine! Why do you ask?
Pacey: Well, it's been a while since you and I touched base. I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing.
Andie: Ha ha. Ok, can somebody please tell me why guys always do that? I mean, you want to be the nice, polite friend after the break-up. You know what, Pacey? You made a decision. So at least have the strength to believe in your convictions.
Pacey: You're right. Ahem. You're absolutely right. Um...Listen... Jack, I think, uh, I'm just gonna mosey. You know? I'm just gonna get off to my second stop on my Capeside tour of Thanksgiving.
Andie: No, no. You know what? We are the ones who came at the last minute, so I really should be the one to...
Pacey: Andie, I wouldn't think of it.
Andie: I should be the one to leave.
Jack: You're not going anywhere, and neither are you. Ok? It's Thanksgiving. Now, I think it's pretty cool of Grams to play host to this group of misfits. If the two of you can't get over your history for just a couple of hours and enjoy the company of your friends, you should be home eating a TV dinner under a bare bulb, ok? So get over yourselves already. God.
[Scene: Outside Gram's House. Joey, Bessie, Mitch Gale, and Dawson arrive together.]
Gale: Look who's here! Look at this guy. Alexander! You are so big! Happy Thanksgiving.
Bessie: Happy Thanksgiving.
Joey: Happy Thanksgiving.
Gale: You are getting so handsome!
Joey: It's weird to see your parents together. They seem to be getting along.
Dawson: So it would appear.
Grams: Hi everyone. Happy Thanksgiving. Come on in.
Jen: All right, everybody. Coats.
[Jen brings the coats into her room, where she finds her mother still there getting ready.]
Jen: Sorry. I didn't realize you were still here.
Mrs. Lindley: Oh, please, we can share. It is your room now, after all.
Jen: No. I was just gonna drop these coats on the bed.
Mrs. Lindley: I'm sorry. Jen. Um...Would you mind? Thanks. My god, you're getting so beautiful. I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong?
Jen: No. No, I--I--I was--
Mrs. Lindley: Tell me.
Jen: I was just remembering how I used to watch you in the mirror when I was little. Watching you put on your lipstick, brushing your hair. I just studied your every move.
Mrs. Lindley: Like I was the most important person in the world.
Jen: Something like that.
Mrs. Lindley: Here, I have something for you. My mom gave these to me when I was about your age, and I figured that it's, um, about time to pass them on.
Jen: They're beautiful, mom.
Mrs. Lindley: You know I've always thought so.
Jen: But I can't.
Mrs. Lindley: Why not?
Jen: Because where would I wear them? I mean, at home, maybe, but... I mean, in New York maybe, but here? And this is where I live now.
Mrs. Lindley: Save them for a special occasion.
Jen: Mom, you're the one that taught me pearls lose their luster if you don't wear them. I guess that they're like people in that regard. You should keep them close to your skin.
Mrs. Lindley: Jen, please.
Jen: I need to go help grams in the kitchen.
[Scene: inside Gram's kitchen. Gram's is there, and Joey and Dawson enter, Jen follows shortly behind.]
Joey: Is there anything we can help you with, Mrs. Ryan?
Grams: Pray.
Jen: Got anything in particular?
Grams: General prayer would be fine.
Dawson: Jen.
Jen: Hey.
Dawson: Rumor has it your mom's in town.
Jen: Yeah.
Dawson: Are we gonna get a chance to meet her?
Jen: Um, I would love for you guys to meet her, but--it just that we seem to be having a little failure to communicate right now. She's currently primping in the mirror.
Grams: I'm sure that she'll be down shortly.
Dawson: Did you know she was coming?
Jen: No.
Dawson: Mm-mmm. Big surprise.
Jen: Guerrilla style. It seems my mom is a graduate of the Ho Chi Minh school of parenting.
Dawson: Is she here for some reason other than Thanksgiving? Any news on the home front?
Jen: What, you mean is she begging me to return home to the familial fold? I don't think so.
Dawson: Well, did you talk to her? I mean, it's been a long time. She must have a lot to tell you.
Jen: Like what?
Dawson: Like maybe she misses you. Maybe she's sorry that she sent you away, you know. I mean, I know she hasn't always been there for you.
Jen: Dawson, ever since I was 13 years old, that woman has done nothing but stare at me with a look of mild disregard, like I was some stranger who spilled a cocktail on her carpet.
Joey: Jen, um, we're all strangers to our parents. I mean, they love us, but they don't really know us. And sometimes before we get the chance to know them, they're gone. And so we can't ask them all the things we want to know About turnips or turkey gizzards. You know, what they were like when they were young.
Jen: Joey, I'm sorry.
Joey: Oh, it's ok.
Jen: No, I am. I--I totally
Joey: No, look. What I'm trying to say is... Why don't you give her a chance? She's your mom and, um, the reality is that, you know, she came here today to talk to you and to be with you. And I think you owe her that much.
[Scene: By the Creek. Mrs. Lindley is there standing by the water's edge when Dawson comes up to her.]
Dawson: Mrs. Lindley. Hi, I'm Dawson, Dawson Leery.
Mrs. Lindley: Oh, Gale's son. Of course. Hello, pleased to meet you.
Dawson: Pleased to meet you.
Mrs. Lindley: Don't think I could have imagined a more beautiful day. Sometimes I forget how magical this place could be.
Dawson: Um, you know that Jen and I actually dated for a little while. We--uh, we're still very good friends. I care very deeply about her.
Mrs. Lindley: Well, that's nice to hear, Dawson. I'm glad that Jen has a friend in you.
Dawson: Um... There is also something else that you should know.
Mrs. Lindley: Yes?
Dawson: It is not going to be easy to say this, so I'm just gonna say it and you can tell me if I'm out of line.
Mrs. Lindley: I'm listening.
Dawson: A few, uh-- not too long ago, I met a girl who was just passing through Capeside. And, uh, I got to know her a little bit, and it came out that she had been given up for adoption. Um, she just recently discovered this, and she was determined to find her birth mother.
Mrs. Lindley: What does this have to do with me, Dawson?
Dawson: Mrs. Lindley, this girl was carrying a picture of you.
Mrs. Lindley: And, uh, where is she? Is she still here in town?
Dawson: No, she's not. By the time I realized who she was, she left. So it's true?
Mrs. Lindley: Does Jen know anything about this?
Dawson: No. I wrestled with telling her, but I... I ultimately decided it wasn't my place, which is why I'm really glad you're here.
Mrs. Lindley: This is a very difficult and very personal issue.
Dawson: I'm sure it is.
Mrs. Lindley: But as you said, the girl is gone. That's why I don't see any reason for Jen to know anything about this.
Dawson: That's not entirely true. I mean, there's nothing to prevent Eve from coming back into town.
Mrs. Lindley: Eve?
Dawson: That's her name. Eve Whitman. And, for all I know, she could approach Jen herself. Something tells me that this information would be much better coming from you than from her.
Mrs. Lindley: Remember when you asked me to tell you if you were out of line?
Dawson: Look, I'm not an authority on functional families, but I-I've seen what happens when families keep these kinds of secrets from each other. I just don't want to see Jen get hurt.
Mrs. Lindley: Neither do I.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Gram's Porch. Andie is watching Pacey and Jack set the table up outside. Joey comes up to her.]
Joey: It gets easier, you know.
Andie: What does?
Joey: Being in the same room with him.
[Cut to Jack and Pacey]
Pacey: Does she ever ask about me?
Jack: What do you think?
Pacey: I'm thinking she'd probably hate me right about now.
Jack: Ah, only every other day.
[Cut to Andie and Joey]
Joey: Andie... As a veteran of multiple breakups with the same boy, I know what you're going through. And I just wanted to let you know that the dark nights will pass. Eventually, you will find peace.
Andie: Wish I could believe you, Joey. Because sometimes it's just so unbearable, and it's like this feeling of being uncomfortable in my own skin. And it's like I have to keep busy because if I stop, even just for one minute, all I can think about... Is how badly I hurt him and how badly I got hurt.
[Cut to Pacey and Jack.]
Jack: Well, it's not a judgment, it's a fact. I mean, you broke my sister's heart.
Pacey: And she broke mine.
Jack: Ok, so, imagine how much pain she's in.
[Cut to Andie and Joey.]
Andie: So, you guys have gotten to be pretty good friends lately.
Joey: Yeah. I mean, Pacey's a doofus, but, you know, he has his moments.
Andie: So, does he talk about me?
Joey: Not really, Andie. You know Pacey. I mean, if he can't come up with a clever quip about something, then he goes stoic. The way he feels about you, he keeps that close to his heart. It's really precious to him, Andie
[Scene: The Thanksgiving table. Everyone is seated around it, and Grams stands up to get people's attention.]
[taps on glass]
Grams: And now a favorite part of the meal. Shall we all stand and join hands? Dawson Leery, would you begin?
Dawson: Uh, sure. I would like to give thanks for the wonderful food that was just on our table.
Pacey: Indeed.
All: Hear, hear.
Mitch: Great cranberries.
Dawson: [Laughs] Um, I'd also like to give thanks for the opportunity to gather with friends and family, who in the best of all worlds are one and the same.
Pacey: Well, I'd just like to pass my thanks along to the ladies of the Ryan brood for an outstanding meal and an afternoon of peace. Both of which will be sorely lacking from the noisy, dysfunctional family feast I'll be having in about 45 minute.
Andie: First of all, I'd like to thank Mrs. Ryan for her kindness and for welcoming me into her home at the last minute.
Grams: Of course, dear.
Andie: I guess what I'm most thankful for is my friends. All of you around this table have helped me in so many ways that you'll never know, and without you I'd be lost.
Jack: Uh, I'd like to give thanks for the kind of people that take strays into their life. And the kind of person to whom it doesn't matter whether or not you're family. Just that you have a home.
Joey: It's my turn, I guess. Um... I guess I-- I would just like to give thanks to all the people we love who aren't necessarily with us today for whatever reason. Just because they're not here doesn't mean we love them any less.
Grams: It's your turn, Jennifer.
Jen: Let me think. Well, in keeping with the theme, I guess I'd like to give thanks for second chances. For the opportunity to try and rebuild bridges that were once thought beyond repair. And for the promise of many more Thanksgivings to come.
Grams: That was lovely, dear.
Mrs. Lindley: Excuse me.
[She leaves the table.]
Jen: Grams, I'll go.
[Scene: Along the water's edge. Jen is running to catch up with her mother who is walking along it.]
Jen: Mom. Wait up. I didn't mean to upset you. I meant what I said. I was just being honest.
Mrs. Lindley: You didn't upset me. I was just thinking.
Jen: About what?
Mrs. Lindley: Oh, maybe I did something right for a change.
Jen: What do you mean?
Mrs. Lindley: Sending you to live with Grams.
Jen: Sending isn't the way I'd put it.
Mrs. Lindley: Fair enough, Jen. But I don't think you realize how lucky you are. I've been searching in vain for friends like that all my life.
Jen: Well, I'm glad that it makes you feel better, but as good of friends as they are, they're not family.
Mrs. Lindley: No. You're right, Jen.
Jen: This past year has been anything but easy for me. I've stumbled and picked myself up stumbled and picked myself up. Over and over and over with no safety net.
Mrs. Lindley: I know I should have been there for you. I should have written or called.
Jen: So why didn't you?
Mrs. Lindley: I wish I could tell you that. For a thousand different reasons, I kept wanting to.
Jen: You have no idea how much that hurts.
Mrs. Lindley: I know.
Jen: What did I do that was so bad? What was so wrong?
Mrs. Lindley: Nothing, Jen, nothing was so wrong.
Jen: Then what?
Mrs. Lindley: Let me try and explain this.
[Scene: At one of the picnic tables. Gale and Mitch are sitting there joking when Dawson comes up to them.]
Dawson: You mind if I join you?
Gale: Well, of course not. Sweetheart, I was very proud of what you said at the table today.
Mitch: Dawson, check out your mom's pie. It's well worth the wait.
Dawson: All right, guys, that's enough.
Gale: What's wrong?
Dawson: You two, acting like Rob and Laura Petrie. One more moment of false sitcomy good cheer, I'm gonna throw up your oyster stuffing.
Gale: We're just trying to become friends again, Dawson.
Dawson: Friends or more than friends? Mom, you move back into town and you take up residence in our guest room.
Gale: What is that supposed to mean?
Dawson: Are you part of the family, or are you a tenant, or what?
Gale: It's not that simple, Dawson.
Dawson: [Sigh] It never is with you two. All right, look. I'm obviously out of the loop here, but maybe that's for the best, ok? Because the last thing that I want to do is be caught in the middle of your drama. But...Guys, if there's something going on that affects me, then I need to know about it. Ok, you guys have to be honest with me.
[Scene: Along the creek side. Jen and Mrs. Lindley are still talking.]
Jen: Ok, let me see if I understand. Mother finds daughter in compromising position, and instead of sharing her own experiences as a teenager-- when she actually got pregnant and had a child-- mother instead turns into a hypocrite and sends her daughter into exile.
Mrs. Lindley: It wasn't only me. There was your father to consider.
Jen: Oh, yeah forgot about him.
Mrs. Lindley: Just for a minute, try to put yourself in my place.
Jen: Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Didn't you once think that maybe it would help me with what I was going through that you would make something easier on me? Instead of pushing me away and turning your back?
Mrs. Lindley: It was a shameful secret, a secret I've had to carry for over 20 years.
Jen: So the answer was then to make me feel dirty and ashamed?
Mrs. Lindley: That was never my intention.
Jen: Know what I think? I think that you were just afraid of dad finding out, about your indiscretion. The story of my life, just waiting for the day that you decide to take my story for once over his.
Mrs. Lindley: You can think what you want, Jen. But I was not and am not prepared to wind up alone.
Jen: That's the difference between you and me, mom. Because I would rather be alone than in a pathetic, loveless marriage.
Mrs. Lindley: Don't go.
Jen: Mom, you are the most intensely selfish person that I have ever known. Look at you. You can't even cry. Something's taken that away from you. You're numb. And you know what? You're grateful for it. Know why you're so afraid of being alone? Because the day you are, you're gonna have to look inside of yourself and you're gonna see what I've known for a long time. There's nothing there.
[Scene: At another table. Bessie is standing up with Alexander. She is getting ready to go, when Dawson comes up to them.]
Bessie: Well, he's had it. [crying] It's definitely time for us to go.
Joey: I'm just gonna say good-bye to everyone.
Bessie: Oh, just us, not you. You stay. Be with your friends.
Dawson: Hi, Bessie. Are you leaving?
Bessie: Oh, yeah.
Dawson: Hey.
Joey: So, I saw you huddle up with your parents over there. What's going on with them?
Dawson: I was seeing the final chapter of the Mitch-Gale saga.
Joey: What do you mean?
Dawson: The divorce is final. The Leerys at Capeside are officially finished as a family.
Joey: You know how sorry I am.
Dawson: I know.
Joey: So what did you say to them when they told you?
Dawson: I really let them have it this time. I looked them both in the eye, and I said "congratulations."
Joey: Good for you, Dawson.
Dawson: But, you know, I figure after a year of if-ing and but-ing, any decision is a good decision. Right?
Joey: Um-hmm.
Dawson: Besides, the only homes we ever have are the ones we make ourselves.
Joey: I know what you mean.
Dawson: So what do you say we really cut loose tonight? Yeah? Act out our teenage ennui in wanton, destructive ways.
Joey: What do you have in mind?
Dawson: s*x, drugs, rock and roll. Or maybe... We could just sit right here and have a mind-blowing 3-hour conversation.
[Scene: Pacey is leaving the house, when Jen comes up and grabs his arm and pulls him along.]
Jen: Come here.
Pacey: Uh, where are we going?
Jen: To the gardening shed to play in the enriched potting soil.
Pacey: Did I miss something here?
Jen: No. We agreed to be available at a moment's notice. Besides, don't you like getting dirty?
Pacey: I--I do, but you see, I don't want to sound like a prude here, Jen, but I actually-- I really can't do this right now.
Jen: Come on, Pacey, I can say with absolute certainty that there will be no giggling right now.
Pacey: You--you, uh, just need to give me a second to catch up here.
Jen: Pacey, our arrangement precludes any sort of emotional foreplay.
Pacey: Yes, it does, which by extension also precludes the idea of angry s*x. Now you want to tell me what just happened with your mom?
Jen: Nothing. Ok, long story short. Like mother, like daughter. Seems that I'm not the only girl in the Lindley family who can't say no.
Pacey: Well, wake up and smell the sanctimony, mom.
Jen: My sentiments exactly. I plan to file it under "wish I never knew."
Pacey: I wouldn't be so hasty.
Jen: What, Pacey?
Pacey: For what it's worth, as a guy who's just gone through this himself, what just happened to you is a defining moment. When you come to see your parents as human beings with their own problems, it is, oddly, kind of liberating. When you realize... They're way more messed up than you are. It's not worth your time or energy to go on despising them for it.
[Scene: Later that night at Gram's House. Mrs. Lindley is packing up the car. When Jen comes out to her.]
Jen: Leaving so soon?
Mrs. Lindley: I think I've wreaked enough havoc for one holiday, don't you?
Jen: If you're worried that I'm going to spill your little secret to dad, don't. I won't get in the middle. It's your marriage and your life.
Mrs. Lindley: Jennifer.
Jen: And I don't regret saying any of the things that I did. I won't take them back.
Mrs. Lindley: I deserved them. I deserve everything that happens to me.
Jen: What do you mean?
Mrs. Lindley: Don't marry a cold man, Jen. Don't wake up at 40 and realize that one false move and everything you've built your life around could be pulled out from under you.
Jen: Why don't you just divorce him?
Mrs. Lindley: I can't.
Jen: Why not?
Mrs. Lindley: Because do you realize what happens to women like me when their marriages fail? The charity events stop, the social register inexplicably loses your address, and you disappear. You just disappear.
Jen: Ever since you put me on that plane, I always thought that you hated me. But you never did, did you?
Mrs. Lindley: No.
Jen: If anyone, you just hated yourself. If I had realized that earlier, this past year would have been so much easier for me.
Mrs. Lindley: I'm sorry, Jen.
Jen: I know.
Mrs. Lindley: I guess now I have to stop worrying you'll turn out like me. Because you're already so much stronger than I ever was. I guess I should be going.
[Grams comes out and outs her hands on Jen's shoulders.]
Grams: Good-bye, Helen.
Mrs. Lindley: Bye, mom.
Jen: Bye, mom. Call me sometime.
Mrs. Lindley: I will.
Grams: You all right?
Jen: Yeah. I'll be fine.
[Scene: A little later. Pacey comes riding up to Jen who is walking to the group around the bonfire.]
Jen: Pacey, what are you doing here?
Pacey: Ah, I just couldn't do it. You know, I got right up to my front door, and I thought to myself, what the hell am I doing here? I mean, honestly, who would I rather spend my time with, my family who thinks I'm an idiot, or my friends who think I'm an idiot?
Jen: [Laughter] well, I'm glad that you're here.
Pacey: Yeah? There's no hard feelings for this afternoon?
Jen: Except for ones of utter embarrassment. No. I'm sorry about what happened.
Pacey: Sorry? There's no need for you to apologize to me. I know this may be hard for you to believe, but it's actually not every day that a beautiful woman throws herself at me.
Jen: And--and thank you.
Pacey: For what?
Jen: Conduct above and beyond.
Pacey: Ah, it was nothing.
Jen: Pacey, you're a 16-year-old boy. That must have taken superhuman restraint.
Pacey: Oh, Jen, you have no idea .
[Scene: Around the bonfire. All of them are seated around it.]
Pacey: This seat taken?
Andie: It is now.
Dawson: You know what I'm thinking? It's been kind of a while, you know, since we've all ended up in the same spot together . I must say it's nice.
Jen: You know, Dawson, you're right. I feel like I'm in the middle of a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special.
Andie: Oh, I love that one. That's where they all eat on the ping-pong table, but it keeps collapsing, and then they end up making the popcorn.
Joey: Yeah, well, I think the group hug is a little premature, however. I'm sure we'll find a way to be estranged again in no time.
Dawson: Well, before we do, I would just like to say that in a world where people who raise you end up letting you down, it's an honor and a privilege to have you guys to turn to.
Joey: I can't wait for the Oscar speech. I mean, there's not gonna be a dry eye in the house. | Plan: A: Capeside; Q: Where does Jen's mother, Helen, arrive to spend Thanksgiving with her? A: Dawson; Q: Who tells Helen about Eve? A: the dinner table; Q: Where does Helen tell Jen that she has a half-sister? A: her mother's confession; Q: What upsets Jen? A: Pacey; Q: Who does Jen try to change her relationship with? A: comfort; Q: What does Jen find in another unexpected way? A: their divorce; Q: What do Mitch and Gail reveal has become final? Summary: When Jen's mother, Helen, unexpectedly arrives in Capeside to spend Thanksgiving with her mother and daughter, Dawson tells her what he knows about Eve and this clearly flusters Helen, who asks him not to tell Jen. A poignant speech at the dinner table forces Helen to think again, and she eventually tells Jen that she has a half-sister. Upset and confused by her mother's confession, Jen attempts to change her relationship with Pacey to the more physical, but finds comfort in another unexpected way. Mitch and Gail reveal that their divorce has become final. |
2.08 - The Ins and Outs of Inns
OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Lorelai, Rory and Emily are eating dinner.]
EMILY: How's the meal?
RORY: Tasty.
LORELAI: Very tasty. New cook?
EMILY: Yes, Marisella. She's introduced us to some wonderful dishes so charmingly specific to her native country.
LORELAI: What country is she from?
EMILY: One of those little ones next to Mexico.
LORELAI: How charmingly specific.
RORY: Too bad Grandpa's not here. He likes weird food.
LORELAI: Yeah, where's he eating his weird food tonight? Argentina? Morocco?
EMILY: Akron.
RORY: Ohio?
EMILY: Yes.
LORELAI: Get out of here.
EMILY: I will not get out of here.
LORELAI: No Mom, I didn't mean really get out of here, I mean
RORY: Why is Grandpa in Akron?
EMILY: I don't know.
LORELAI: It was just a saying.
EMILY: They sent him to deal with some problem with their local office down there.
LORELAI: A saying, you know, like 'save me' or 'get me out of here'. Things like that.
EMILY: Lorelai, would you like me to put a mirror in front of you so you can look at yourself while you have this conversation?
LORELAI: Sorry, Dad's in Akron.
EMILY: Yes. The amenities are atrociously lacking. He had to eat at a coffee shop last night. The whole thing's terribly insulting. He's miserable.
RORY: I hate that he's miserable.
EMILY: So do I. We really ought to do something.
RORY: Yes, I agree.
LORELAI: Warning, warning.
EMILY: I'm glad to hear you say that Rory, because I thought of a wonderful way to cheer him up.
RORY: Cool, what?
LORELAI: Danger, Will Robinson, danger!
EMILY: An oil portrait of you for his study.
RORY: An oil portrait.
LORELAI: I tried, have fun.
EMILY: It could hang right over his mantle. He'd just love it.
RORY: Well, I guess that would be okay.
LORELAI: Oh Mom, please, don't make her do this.
EMILY: She just said she would.
LORELAI: Fine, paint the picture, but don't make her sit and pose for it. Paint it from a photo.
EMILY: A photo? That's what they do at malls.
RORY: I'll sit, it's fine.
EMILY: Just because your own experience sitting for a portrait was bad doesn't mean Rory's has to be.
RORY: What portrait? I haven't seen this.
LORELAI: They never finished.
EMILY: Three painters started, and they all three quit.
RORY: Why did they quit?
EMILY: She wouldn't stop scowling.
LORELAI: I was going for a Billy Idol thing.
EMILY: The one from Italy had some sort of breakdown.
RORY: Oh my God.
LORELAI: Hey, it didn't hurt Van Gogh, the guy should thank me.
EMILY: A year later, I swear I saw him rummaging through our recyclables.
RORY: Well, I'm happy to sit. If it's for Grandpa, why not?
EMILY: Wonderful. I'll set it up first thing in the morning.
LORELAI: Psst. If you want, I can teach you the Billy Idol. Most people focus on the lip thing, but the eyes are just as import...
[Emily slams the salt shaker on the table. Lorelai stops talking.]
OPENING CREDITS
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Lorelai and Luke are sitting at a table talking.]
LUKE: So, the first thing you and Sookie would do is incorporate.
LORELAI: Wow. Sounds so big time.
LUKE: Not really. It just means you're a single business entity. You'll both be officers and shareholders, and you'll get to make up a name for your company and everything.
LORELAI: Mmm, I'm terrible at coming up with names. When we first bought out house, Rory and I wanted to name it, you know, like Jefferson named his place Monticello, but all we could come up with is The Crap Shack.
LUKE: Nice.
[Jess walks over with a coffeepot]
JESS: Coffee?
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, thanks. How are you Jess?
JESS: Well, I'm not bleeding or anything.
LORELAI: Well, then it's gonna be a good day, huh?
JESS: Yeah. It's 7:45.
LUKE: So?
JESS: So do you want me to go to school or do you want to openly defy child labor laws?
LUKE: Go. Stay out of trouble.
JESS: Guess that means calling off the chickie run down at the salt flax.
LUKE: Out. [Jess leaves]
LORELAI: Wow, so much love.
LUKE: So, you guys have a site in mind for the inn?
LORELAI: Yes.
LUKE: Great, where?
LORELAI: You've seen pictures of it. The Rachel property.
LUKE: Oh, right.
LORELAI: Sorry.
LUKE: It's okay.
LORELAI: I just meant, Rachel took the pictures, and the pictures kind of got us into the place, so we started calling it the Rachel property 'cause it made sense at the time and then it became a habit. But now out of respect for you, I'm gonna stop repeatedly using her name and uh, think of another name to call it. Let's see, The Crap Shack's taken.
LUKE: It's okay. Call it what you want.
LORELAI: So, who taught you about all this business stuff? Your dad?
LUKE: Please. My dad didn't even have a checking account until I finally got taller then he was. He bought this land with cash from working construction, built this place himself. Didn't have a bookkeeper, an accountant, or anything.
LORELAI: Wow, so you had no one showing you the ropes.
LUKE: Nope, I figured I had to just dive in on my own, fail if that's my destiny, and forget what the experts say.
LORELAI: That is exactly my philosophy. Exactly. Except I'm not diving in on my own, I'm diving in with Sookie, and, uh, failure is not even a choice of destinies, and I'm consulting any expert who will listen to me. Otherwise, it's identical.
LUKE: Well, I should be getting going. You gonna write this meal off?
LORELAI: Why?
LUKE: Oh, we talked business. You gotta be thinking about these things.
LORELAI: No, I mean, why? I'm not paying for it. [Luke sighs] Exactly.
LUKE: You're gonna do fine.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
[Lorelai and Sookie are talking in the kitchen as Michel walks in.]
LORELAI: It shouldn't be too flashy.
SOOKIE: How about something historical, like 'The Paul Revere'?
LORELAI: Oh, that could work.
MICHEL: What could work?
LORELAI: We're thinking up names for the inn we're gonna open.
SOOKIE: I mean, if you want simple, something like 'The Country Rose'.
LORELAI: That's pretty good.
SOOKIE: We could line the front path with multicolored roses.
LORELAI: Or. . or 'The Inn by the Hollow'. Kind of long.
SOOKIE: No, but nice.
MICHEL: How about 'The Money Pit'?
LORELAI: Boo.
MICHEL: Or 'The Outhouse'. Go international.
SOOKIE: Go back in your hole.
MICHEL: Or 'The Inn Heading for Bankruptcy'. Kind of long, but nice.
SOOKIE: You who have no dreams rain on those who do.
MICHEL: I say this because I care about you. It's risky what you are doing. Most new businesses go down within two years.
LORELAI: I say if we go down after two years, it'll be the most exciting two years of our lives.
SOOKIE: Same here. Boredom stinks.
MICHEL: Fine, proceed blindly. [hands Lorelai some papers] Here, it came in ten minutes ago. It does not involve the Independence Inn, therefore delivering it was beyond my official obligations, so I am taking an extra long lunch break. [leaves]
SOOKIE: He's so genuine.
LORELAI: Oh my God.
SOOKIE: What?
LORELAI: It's the title search for the Rachel property. And guess who owns it.
SOOKIE: Tell me it's not that b*st*rd Donald Trump.
LORELAI: Fran.
SOOKIE: Fran from Weston's Bakery?
LORELAI: Sweet little Fran, the cupcake lady. Not some cigar-chomping, dirty dealing city slicker.
SOOKIE: Ooh! That's good. Hey! 'The Country Slicker.' Funny name, cutesy idea
LORELAI: Mm, it's a little much.
SOOKIE: It's way too much.
LORELAI: I'll call Fran.
SOOKIE: 'Fran's Old Place'! It'll be like Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. People will be trying to figure out who Fran is. Or 'The In Inn'! It's like an inn that's in with the in crowd. . .I'm gonna go sit down.
LORELAI: Do that sweetie.
SOOKIE: Okay.
CUT TO OUTSIDE DOOSE'S MARKET
[Taylor walks down the sidewalk to his store. Right in front of it, there is a chalk outline of a body on the sidewalk surrounded by police tape.]
CUT TO BAKERY
[Lorelai is sitting at a table as Sookie walks in and sits down with her.]
SOOKIE: Honey, I'm so sorry. Am I late late or just late?
LORELAI: Two pieces of carrot cake and a rumball.
SOOKIE: Ah, I am so sorry! I swear I meant to be on time, but I was prepping the raspberry glaze for tonight's dessert special, and it struck me. I made a blueberry glaze for the soufflé I made last Tuesday, and this is Tuesday, and a lot of locals come every week on the same night every week, and I just didn't want to serve them some. . .like a similar dessert even though it's a completely different berry. . .
LORELAI: I need another rumball.
SOOKIE: Ah, I'm sorry.
LORELAI: No, you're a perfectionist, and that attention to detail is why people call you the Maestro.
SOOKIE: Really? Who calls me that?
LORELAI: The people who eat the rumballs.
[Fran walks over to their table.]
FRAN: So ladies, how are we doing here?
SOOKIE: Oh, we're doing great Fran.
FRAN: Oh, well that's wonderful.
LORELAI: Fran, could Sookie and I talk to you for a couple minutes?
FRAN: Oh, of course. Marjorie can handle things. [sits down] Oooh.
LORELAI: Fran, are you okay?
FRAN: Aw, it's this bum hip. It needs to be replaced, again. And I have this awful angina.
SOOKIE: Oh, we're so sorry to hear that.
FRAN: So, I know you didn't come here to listen to me gripe, so tell me what's on your mind.
LORELAI: Okay, well Fran, we understand that you own the old Dragonfly Bed and Breakfast, that whole property out there.
FRAN: Why, yes I do. It was my parents' business.
SOOKIE: It's a beautiful place.
FRAN: Oh, it used to be. But it's in such disarray now.
LORELAI: Yes it is, and that's kind of why we're here. We'd actually like to buy it.
FRAN: Buy the Dragonfly?
LORELAI: Yes, we'd like to buy it and make it beautiful again, and we're prepared to make you an offer right now.
FRAN: Oh my, well this is a surprise.
LORELAI: See, Sookie and I are gonna start our own inn and we've been searching for the perfect place.
FRAN: Your own inn?
LORELAI: Yeah.
FRAN: Oh how wonderful! You are going to be so successful.
SOOKIE: Thanks Sweetie.
LORELAI: That means so much, like we have your blessing.
FRAN: But I can't sell you the property.
SOOKIE: What?
LORELAI: How come?
FRAN: I just couldn't. You know, I have no siblings and no children and in a ways, that place is really the only family I have. I'm the last Weston left, so I plan to own it forever.
LORELAI: Forever?
FRAN: Forever and ever.
LORELAI: That's a very long time.
SOOKIE: A very long time.
FRAN: I'm so sorry.
LORELAI: Fran, may I ask. . . um. . .
FRAN: Go ahead honey, ask me anything you want.
LORELAI: Well, what happens to the place if you. . .well, if forever isn't quite forever?
FRAN: I don't understand dear. All I know is that I can't sell the place.
LORELAI: Oh no, I don't mean selling it. I mean, you would keep it forever, but what happens once you're no longer in the position of physically controlling the property?
FRAN: How could that be?
LORELAI: Uh, well, if you um, if you
SOOKIE: Take a long vacation.
LORELAI: Yes, take a long vacation. Thank you.
SOOKIE: You're welcome.
LORELAI: And when you're on that long vacation, the property is just left sitting there. Well, what happens then?
FRAN: Oh, I don't enjoy vacations. I toured the California gold country ten years ago, it was hot and the bus smelled.
LORELAI: Okay, I mean a longer vacation than a trip to California.
SOOKIE: To a different place.
FRAN: What kind of place?
LORELAI: A place out there.
SOOKIE: Way out there Fran.
FRAN: Europe?
LORELAI: I mean the ultimate long vacation.
SOOKIE: Yeah, Francie, eventually, we're all gonna take the same long vacation.
LORELAI: And with that being the case, you might want to sell the property now and enjoy the money.
FRAN: I'm very sorry, but I can never sell the place.
LORELAI: Oh, well thanks for your time Fran.
SOOKIE: Yeah, thanks Fran.
FRAN: Bye now.
LORELAI: Bye.
SOOKIE: Bye.
FRAN: You both look so sad. Would you like a cupcake?
LORELAI: Please.
SOOKIE: Yeah.
FRAN: Good.
CUT TO SIDEWALK
[Rory and Lane are walking down the sidewalk in Stars Hollow.]
LANE: So, Janie Fertman's trying to be my friend again.
RORY: Yikes. What kind of vibe are you giving her?
LANE: Oh, my patented Keith Richards circa 1969 'don't mess with me' vibe, with a thousand-yard Asian stare thrown in.
RORY: That should do it.
[They see a police car and a large crowd down the street in front of Doose's market]
RORY: What's happening up there?
CUT TO OUTSIDE DOOSE'S MARKET
[A crowd has gathered around the chalk outline.]
POLICEWOMAN: Just try to calm down Taylor.
TAYLOR: Calm down! Why should I calm down?
BOOTSY: Yeah, why should he calm down?
TAYLOR: I want action not words.
BOOTSY: Yeah, action not words.
TAYLOR: Don't you need to get back to your newsstand, Bootsy?
BOOTSY: No buddy, I'm all yours.
POLICEWOMAN: We're gonna get to the bottom of this, I promise you.
TAYLOR: A crime was committed right in front of my store.
POLICEWOMAN: Now, we can't say that for sure yet.
TAYLOR: How come you can't say that for sure? This is a police tape. You're the police, you own the tape!
POLICEWOMAN: Taylor, we've contacted everyone in the precinct. No one knows anything about this.
TAYLOR: Well, what am I supposed to do? I've got a dead body right in front of my store!
POLICEWOMAN: No, you have a chalk outline of a dead body in front of your store.
BOOTSY: Meaning that there were two crimes.
POLICEWOMAN: What?
BOOTSY: What do you mean what? Somebody got murdered, then somebody stole the body. It's open and shut, bing bang boom.
POLICEWOMAN: Is this your son?
TAYLOR: I should say not.
BOOTSY: Oh.
POLICEWOMAN: Look, my partner's doing a headcount to see if anyone in town is missing. Until then, just hang tight. [leaves]
[Rory and Lane walk up to Dean in the crowd.]
RORY: Hey.
DEAN: Hey.
RORY: What's going on?
DEAN: I don't know. I got here and this is what I found. I mean, I told him it looked fake, but he didn't believe me.
RORY: And you have such an honest face.
DEAN: Well, he must not love me as much as you do.
LANE: Okay, you two are officially sickening. [leaves]
[The policewoman walks up to Taylor]
POLICEWOMAN: Everyone's accounted for Taylor. It looks like this is just an elaborate prank.
TAYLOR: But it looks so real. Where'd they get the police tape?
POLICEWOMAN: Kids have their ways.
TAYLOR: Who'd be depraved enough to pull a stupid prank like this?
POLICEWOMAN: Hard to say.
[Rory sees Jess standing across the street smirking as he watches the crowd]
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
[Rory is sitting at a table doing work, Lorelai is getting coffee, Sookie is cooking.]
RORY: Mom, you're not writing what you purchased on the back of any of the inn's credit cards receipts.
LORELAI: Oh, well, just put cooking spray and sponges.
RORY: Okay. And when an auditor wants to know why you need such large amounts of cooking spray and sponges?
LORELAI: Then I drop my pencil and I put the scoop neck sweater that I'm now making a mental note to wear to good use.
RORY: Well at least you've got a solid well thought out plan.
SOOKIE: I had a dream last night about us and Fran.
LORELAI: Oh, what was it?
SOOKIE: Well, it was in the future and we were all old, you and me and Rory and Jackson and Michel, everyone. Gray hair, walking around with canes, we're all kind of ailing, you know? I had those big cataract glasses on. You were hard of hearing and kept going, Huh? Huh?
LORELAI: Oh, that's attractive.
RORY: Its you kids with your rock and roll.
SOOKIE: But wuh-ho, here walks up Fran, and guess what. She looks exactly the same, even better.
LORELAI: Ugh! That's not fair.
SOOKIE: That woman is gonna live forever.
LORELAI: Not necessarily. Hey, did you look up angina? I forgot to.
SOOKIE: Yeah, it's nothing major.
RORY: You guys have got to stop talking like this.
LORELAI: Like what?
RORY: We love Fran, remember? Fran is great.
SOOKIE: No, honey, of course we love Fran. We just wanna know what God's little plan is for her, that's all.
[Michel walks into the kitchen]
MICHEL: I would advise at least pretending to look busy, the boss is here.
RORY: Mia!
LORELAI: You're kidding! When?
MICHEL: I just spotted her walking in.
LORELAI: Let's go.
CUT TO LOBBY
[Lorelai and Rory walk out from the kitchen over to Mia.]
RORY: Mia!
MIA: Uh! Oh my babies! Ooh! [hugs them]
RORY: Did we know you were coming?
MIA: I didn't know I was coming.
LORELAI: This isn't a surprise inspection is it?
MIA: That's exactly what this is. Ready? Oh, you're too thin as always.
RORY: But we eat.
MIA: And you're both too beautiful.
LORELAI: Yes, that's true. We often feel guilty monopolizing the amount of beauty we're in possession of.
MIA: And I don't see you enough which is my fault, so you both pass.
LORELAI: Aww.
[Michel walks over to them]
MIA: Ooh Michel. Ooh, how nice to see you. Uh, and look at that suit. You are quite the dandy, aren't you?
MICHEL: Well, I had a feeling that a lovely woman was going to be visiting today so I decided I must look my best for her.
MIA: I'm sorry honey, I didn't catch a word of that.
RORY: He said he missed you.
MIA: You've been in the U.S. quite some time Michel, your enunciation really should be better by now.
MICHEL: The customers seem to understand me just fine.
MIA: I didn't get that either. Did you get the tapes I sent you?
LORELAI: Hey, maybe you should hit the desk. A couple of people are looking for help.
MICHEL: Right away. Mia, uh, I. . . [salutes and walks behind the desk]
MIA: So, are you too busy to sneak out with me for a walk?
RORY: Not if it's okay with the boss.
MIA: It's a demand at this point.
LORELAI: Let's go. Michel, hold down the fort?
MICHEL: Oh, it's a little slow now, so it's no problem.
RORY: Oh, he says that he's never liked you and that you're a problem.
MICHEL: I said no such thing!
MIA: I don't know where this hostility comes from. Can we work this out?
MICHEL: There's nothing to work out.
RORY: He told you to get out.
MICHEL: I did not!
MIA: I don't know what I did to make him hate me.
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Luke is at the counter fixing a toaster as Lorelai, Rory and Mia walk in]
MIA: Look at this place, it's exactly the same.
LORELAI: Actually, I made him paint it a few months ago.
MIA: Well, good for you.
[Luke walks over and hugs Mia]
LUKE: Mia hey!
MIA: Nice to see you Lucas.
LUKE: You're the only person in the world who can call me that, Mia.
MIA: I know this.
LUKE: I'm saying it for others who plan to try it later.
LORELAI: Whatever Lucas.
LUKE: Mia, you know anything about toasters?
MIA: Not a damn thing.
LUKE: Well, then sit down and let me get you some coffee.
[Luke goes to get coffee as they sit down at a table.]
LORELAI: So, Mia, how's living in Santa Barbara?
MIA: Horrible. Did you know the damn sun shines all the time out there?
RORY: They've written songs about that.
MIA: Well, no one told me that's how it was. Half of my wardrobe is obsolete.
LORELAI: Aw, drag. Hey, you know that vintagey blue coat?
MIA: You're not getting it.
LORELAI: Right.
[Jess walks up to Luke, who's fixing the toaster again.]
JESS: You're making that worse.
LUKE: Big help, thanks.
LORELAI: Luke's nephew.
MIA: Luke, that's your nephew?
[Luke brings their coffee to the table]
LUKE: It's Liz's kid. Jess, this is Mia, she owns the Independence Inn.
JESS: Huh.
LUKE: That's 'Hello, nice to meet you' in slacker.
JESS: You don't need me down here, do you? [leaves]
LUKE: I'm sorry Mia. He's just
MIA: Oh please, forget it. You weren't exactly a talkative boy yourself when you were his age.
LORELAI: That's right, you knew Luke as a boy.
RORY: I can't imagine Luke as a boy.
LUKE: Can we change the subject?
MIA: He would help people carry groceries home.
RORY: Oh, how very Boy Scout-y of you.
MIA: For a quarter a bag.
LORELAI: Oh, how very John Birch Society-y of you.
MIA: He was never without his skateboard for a time.
LORELAI: Were you any good?
LUKE: I could hold my own.
MIA: And there was that year you wore the same shirt everywhere you went.
LUKE: I don't remember that.
LORELAI: Must have been something flannel.
MIA: No, it was from that TV show. That famous one.
LUKE: It's not important.
MIA: Star Trek, that's it!
[Lorelai and Rory laugh]
LORELAI: Oh my God, oh my God!
LUKE: Stop it.
RORY: You were a Trekkie?
LUKE: I was not a Trekkie.
LORELAI: Uh uh, I do believe that denying you were a Trekkie is a violation of the prime directive.
RORY: Indubitably captain.
LUKE: It was a gift from my aunt, I wore it to make her happy.
LORELAI: I've never wanted to make any aunt of mine that happy.
MIA: Did I say something I shouldn't have?
LORELAI: Oh no Mia, that's okay. I just have to cancel everything I have scheduled for the next three months 'cause I'll still be laughing my ass off.
[Taylor walks into the diner.]
TAYLOR: Luke, I need to talk to you right now.
LUKE: What is it Taylor?
TAYLOR: I have conducted a thorough investigation of all the people who may have inadvertently been witness to the phony murder at my store last night.
MIA: There was a phony murder?
LORELAI: Yeah, the town's too dull to work up a real murder.
RORY: But you're one 'beam me up Scotty' reference away from being the victim of one.
LORELAI: Mm.
TAYLOR: Luke, are you going to listen?
LUKE: What's this got to do with me?
TAYLOR: Three people have reported seeing Jess in that area late last night, skulking, lurking.
LUKE: There were a lot of people out late last night. I know because I fed some of them. I'll give you their names so you can add them to your suspect list.
TAYLOR: Another person witnessed Jess walking out of an arts and crafts store two days ago with what appeared to be chalk.
LUKE: You appear to be bugging me Taylor.
TAYLOR: What are you gonna do about it Luke?
LUKE: About what?
TAYLOR: About the results of my investigation.
LUKE: Absolutely nothing, but thanks for the info.
TAYLOR: You have to do something. People want action.
LUKE: People, meaning you.
TAYLOR: Not just me. I speak for the Stars Hollow Business Association, the Stars Hollow Tourist Board, the Stars Hollow Neighborhood Watch Organization, and the Stars Hollow Citizens for a Clean Stars Hollow Council.
LUKE: All of which are you.
TAYLOR: So are you going to act.
LUKE: Yes I am. I'm gonna act like you never came in here.
TAYLOR: Fine, have it your own way. But I warn you, there's gonna be a lot of unhappy people at S.H.B.A., the S.H.T.B., the S.H.N.W.O. and the S.H.C.C.S.H.C.
LUKE: F-I-N-E.
TAYLOR: Oh, you're. . .you're impossible, you are impossible! [starts to leave] Oh, hi Mia.
MIA: Nice to see you Taylor. [Taylor leaves] Ah, I gotta get out of Santa Barbara. I miss the small town theater. And I miss you. Hey, do you realize it was fifteen years ago almost to the day?
LORELAI: Yes it was.
RORY: What was?
MIA: To the day when this skinny little teenage girl showed up at the inn. She had this tiny little thing in her arms.
LORELAI: A little thing named Rory. [pinches Rory's cheeks]
RORY: Okay, no physical reenactments.
MIA: You marched up to me, looked me right in the eye and said, 'I'm here for a job. Any job.'
LORELAI: Well, IBM had turned me down for the CEO slot, so I was desperate.
MIA: Work experience none, recommendations none, skills
LORELAI: Besides flawlessly applying mascara in a moving car, none.
MIA: Not one thing to recommend hiring her. Just that how do I put it and remain a lady that 'who cares' look in her eyes, so I gave her any job. The other maids hated you.
LORELAI: Yeah, well they were all so slow.
MIA: You were special.
RORY: Mia, why don't you move back here? We miss you.
LORELAI: Or at least visit more? You used to check in. You never come at all.
MIA: I don't have to. You've made me redundant.
LORELAI: I have not.
MIA: Don't be humble. The inn is beyond covered. It's never run this well or been this successful. That inn is like your place now. Without you I wouldn't know what to do, I'd be lost.
LORELAI: Lost, yeah.
RORY: Yeah.
MIA: You look sad now, why?
LORELAI: Oh, nothing.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
[Sookie is cooking while Lorelai talks to her.]
LORELAI: In all the excitement, I hadn't thought about telling Mia. What is wrong with me?
SOOKIE: Nothing is wrong with you.
LORELAI: I feel terrible. I should've told her before. I should've told her the day the idea occurred to us. She deserved that. [phone rings] After all she's done for me. [answers phone] Hello?
EMILY: Lorelai, your daughter's being impossible. She won't pose in an appropriate manner.
RORY: I'm trying to Grandma. It's just awkward.
LORELAI: Let me guess how you're posing her. She's in a silly gown on a silly chair with both of her hands raised in some silly way.
EMILY: No, just the one hand is raised, and none of it's silly.
LORELAI: Pick a simpler pose, Mom.
EMILY: This is the simplest, and it wasn't my choice.
LORELAI: And your choice is
EMILY: I wanted the swan to sit regally aside Rory's throne.
LORELAI: Swan? Throne?
EMILY: Oh, now you have a problem with swans and thrones.
LORELAI: Because swans and thrones scream one thing Mom, Siegfried and Roy.
EMILY: Who?
LORELAI: Make a change Mom.
EMILY: I suppose you'd just have her sitting in a chair reading a book.
LORELAI: Now that sounds great.
EMILY: Oh, be serious.
LORELAI: I am. That's a completely natural pose for Rory. And a painting of her reading that's gonna be hung in Dad's study seems just crazy enough to work.
EMILY: Well, maybe it's not such a bad idea.
LORELAI: Give it a try. And let her lower her arm.
EMILY: Rory, you can lower your arm.
RORY: Thanks.
[swan honks]
EMILY: I think he's just hungry. We're going to lose the swan.
LORELAI: Good going Mom. Bye. [hangs up] Ugh. So how do I do this? How..how how do I tell Mia that I'm leaving?
SOOKIE: Get her drunk first?
LORELAI: Oh, I can't believe it. I'm gonna let down the one person in my life who was there for me when I needed it the most. I'm great, aren't I?
[Mia and Michel enter the kitchen]
MIA: I wanted to put it on the front desk but I think it might be a tad short.
MICHEL: Well, we could get a carpenter to build up a base and raise it up two inches and then it would be perfect.
MIA: Great idea. Hey, I got that, every word!
MICHEL: Yes!
MIA: Oh, oh, I'm so proud!
[Michel and Mia leave]
SOOKIE: So you gonna tell her now or later?
LORELAI: Later, because she's so happy that she can finally understand Michel and that the lamp is fixed and that...
SOOKIE: [clucks like a chicken]
LORELAI: And that too.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[Lorelai, Rory, and Mia walk down the street towards Miss Patty's]
RORY: We're late.
LORELAI: We're not late.
RORY: The last time we were late, Taylor said that there would be consequences.
LORELAI: He did not. He said there would be severe consequences.
RORY: Mia, what time is it? Are we late?
MIA: I hope so.
LORELAI: Mia!
MIA: I'm sorry, but it's been two years since I've gotten to go to a town meeting and I want some controversy.
[Lorelai sees Luke in front of the diner, locking up]
LORELAI: Aha!
LUKE: Geez! Don't sneak up on me like that.
LORELAI: Yeah, boy, I was lucky you had your phasers on stun, huh?
RORY: Well, at least we're not late. Luke's never late.
LUKE: Actually, we're 2 minutes early.
RORY: Ha! We should get a prize for being on time.
LORELAI: Hey Luke, let's go back to the diner and get some pie as our reward for being on time.
LUKE: Then you'd be late.
LORELAI: A funny conundrum, but I want pie.
LUKE: You're harassing me now.
LORELAI: I'm not harassing you. We're your groupies. [in high voice] Oh Luke, you're so dreamy, be my guy!
RORY: [in high voice] No, be my guy!
LUKE: I'm bringing up the need for more police protection at this thing.
[they walk into the town meeting, which has already started]
MIA: I think we're late.
LUKE: What's going on here?
TAYLOR: Uh, nothing.
LUKE: Meeting was supposed to start at eight Taylor, it's a minute to eight.
TAYLOR: Well...
MISS PATTY: Oh, you might as well be honest with him Taylor.
LORELAI: Be honest with him about what?
TAYLOR: Well, if you must know, there was a special issue that the business community had to deal with first, so we decided to start early tonight.
LUKE: I'm in the business community and I wasn't told about it. Taylor?
TAYLOR: All right, fine. You weren't invited Luke.
LUKE: And why is that?
MIA: Controversy.
TAYLOR: You weren't invited because we are dealing with the Jess situation.
LUKE: The Jess situation?
LORELAI: Uh oh. If this was the wild west, we'd be pushing the horse aside and diving into the water trough right about now.
LUKE: Dammit Taylor!
MISS PATTY: Luke, honey, calm down.
TAYLOR: After all, this is all your doing. If you hadn't so cavalierly dismissed the issue, we wouldn't have had to do this. I lost business because of what your hooligan nephew did.
LUKE: How was business lost Taylor? If you had to open a little late that day, your customers just came back later.
TAYLOR: Not so. When Mrs. Lanahan couldn't buy her head of lettuce that morning for her lunch, she drove straight to Woodbury to buy lettuce from a competing market. Isn't that right Mrs. Lanahan? Mrs. Lanahan?
LORELAI: You really shouldn't be driving anymore.
TAYLOR: Word has it that she was telling other Doose market shoppers that Woodbury lettuce is crisper. That's business flying out the door.
LUKE: Okay fine. How much is a head of lettuce, a buck? Oh, let's go crazy, give me five heads.
TAYLOR: This goes well beyond a head of lettuce, young man. The charges against your nephew are numerous. He stole the 'save the bridge' money...
LUKE: He gave that back.
TAYLOR: He stole a gnome from Babette's garden.
LUKE: Pierpont was also returned.
MISS PATTY: He hooted one of my dance classes.
FRAN: He took a garden hose from my yard.
MAN: My son said he set off the fire alarms at school last week.
LORELAI: I heard he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter.
BOOTSY: I think it's time for me to pipe up here.
LUKE: Oh yeah, that'll be good.
BOOTSY: I have every right to pipe in here Luke. I'm a local entrepreneur.
LUKE: You took over your father's newsstand Bootsy, it doesn't make you an entrepreneur.
BOOTSY: And you took over your old man's hardware store.
LUKE: And turned it into a diner.
BOOTSY: Big whoop. Who can't fry an egg?
TAYLOR: Let's keep it moving here boys, huh?
BOOTSY: I never liked the look of that kid from the second I saw him.
LUKE: Unbelievable.
BOOTSY: Excuse me, but I've got the floor.
LUKE: You don't have the floor.
BOOTSY: I'm standing, aren't I?
LUKE: Well I was standing first which means I have the floor and I'm not giving it to you.
TAYLOR: What is with you too?
BOOTSY: This goes way beyond the Jess matter Taylor. Luke's been on my case since the first grade when he wrongfully accused me of sabotaging a clay imprint that he made of his hand.
LORELAI: Ooh! Think hard, was he dressed like Sulu?
LUKE: No one cares about the stupid clay hand Bootsy. And you stomped on it while it was drying. Three kids saw you.
BOOTSY: No I didn't.
LUKE: You did too!
BOOTSY: No I didn't.
TAYLOR: Boys, please. The bottom line here is that there is a consensus among townspeople who are in agreement that Stars Hollow was a better place before Jess got here.
LUKE: So this half of the room gets the tar, and the other half gets the feathers?
TAYLOR: Well, there hasn't been any talk of tar and feathers. Although
LUKE: Look, I've lived in this town my entire life, longer than most everybody here.
BOOTSY: I beg to differ. I'm five weeks older than you, that means I've been here five weeks longer.
LUKE: I've never bothered anyone. I've kept to myself and I've done the best I could. I pay my taxes, and I help people when I can. I haven't pitched in on the decorative pageantry town stuff because it all seems insane to me, but I don't get in the way of that stuff either.
TAYLOR: What's your point, Luke?
LORELAI: His point is do you mind?
LUKE: Be my guest.
LORELAI: His point is, that if there's a problem
LUKE: And I'm not saying there's a problem.
LORELAI: Right, he's not saying there is a problem, but if there it, give him time to deal with it before you storm his diner with torches and pitchforks.
LUKE: Right. What I'm dealing with, being a problem, that I don't necessarily agree that I even have.
LORELAI: Right.
TAYLOR: I didn't get that last part.
LORELAI: Lay off him because what you're all doing stinks.
LUKE: I'm done here. I'm done with all of you. Oh, and I was gonna stay open later in case anyone wanted to eat after the meeting. Forget that. [leaves]
BOOTSY: His turkey burgers are very dry.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO OUTSIDE MISS PATTY'S
[Lorelai, Rory and Mia walk out of the town meeting.]
MIA: Well, I must say that was quite exciting.
LORELAI: A little disturbing. I think the whole town needs a field trip.
RORY: Do you think Luke's okay?
LORELAI: I think he will be. He just needs to cool off a little.
RORY: Hey, I'm gonna go check on Dean. He's been scraping that outline off the cement for two days now.
LORELAI: Good idea. There's nothing like your face on his to make the cleaning process go faster.
RORY: She's all yours Mia.
MIA: I'll take her.
LORELAI: Bye hon. [Rory leaves]
MIA: Oh, I am just having the most wonderful time. And I am so proud of you and Rory. You both have just come so far.
LORELAI: Yeah, we have. Um, Mia, I need to talk to you about something.
MIA: Of course. What is it, honey?
LORELAI: Well, um, it's really hard, and uh, I should've brought it up ages ago, but Sookie and I are thinking of making a change.
MIA: A change?
LORELAI: We're going to open our own inn.
MIA: Oh!
LORELAI: I mean, we've talked about it for a long time and it seems like the time is right and Oh Mia, I love the Independence Inn and Sookie loves it too and we both love you so much.
MIA: I know.
LORELAI: But it just feels like something we need to do and you hate me.
MIA: No I don't.
LORELAI: I'm letting you down. I'm walking out. I'm being ungrateful.
MIA: Lorelai, stop. Do you think I was naïve enough to think that you'd work for me forever? You and Sookie have more talent for this business than I do. And I'm very good. You're going to open an incredible place, and if you don't let me help you in any way I can, then I'll be very mad.
LORELAI: Of course, we need your help. We'd be lost without your help.
MIA: Good. I was just wondering, what's the time frame for this big move?
LORELAI: Well, we're waiting for this perfect location to free up, that's all that's delaying us. But I promise you'll have plenty of notice and I'll be there to find our replacements and train them.
MIA: Oh yes, that's very sweet of you, but I'm wondering if you could possibly make it sooner rather than later?
LORELAI: What?
MIA: Well, you see, your leaving gives me the perfect excuse to finally sell the place.
LORELAI: Sell the place?
MIA: Oh, I get offers all the time, lucrative ones, but I never even considered it because. . . oh, of course I love the inn, but I just couldn't do that to you. And now that you have this big change coming up in your life, it might be time for one in mine.
LORELAI: Oh. Good, uh, good. Then it all works out good.
MIA: Actually, it's very good!
LORELAI: Okay. Well good.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN
[Lorelai sits at a table in the lobby organizing placecards as Sookie walks over to her with a piece of paper]
LORELAI: Hey.
SOOKIE: Hey. So I'm working on the menu for the Duncan wedding.
LORELAI: I can't read that.
SOOKIE: I know. I had it all typed up nice and neat to begin with but on the drive into work, I got an inspiration. I just started crossing it out and writing in the new stuff. And it ain't easy writing and driving, and I can't read that. What is that - cumin?
LORELAI: Sookie, I can't read that either.
SOOKIE: Oh. I'll just get you a new one. Hey, how did your talk with Mia go?
LORELAI: Fine. Good. She took it like you said she would - classy.
SOOKIE: She is classy. Good, good. That's a relief. It is a relief right? I mean, you said she took it good?
LORELAI: Yes she did.
SOOKIE: But you look upset.
LORELAI: She's gonna sell the inn.
SOOKIE: You're kidding.
LORELAI: No, she said she gets offers and she thinks this might be kind of fortuitous timing for her.
SOOKIE: Well, great, so everybody wins, that's good. Look happy. Okay, this does not look happy.
LORELAI: I just don't understand how she can do this.
SOOKIE: What's the big deal?
LORELAI: The big deal is she's not gonna sell it to another Mia. It's gonna be a big chain, and they'll come marching in with their business models and their corporate approved architects and designers, and change everything around and remodel, and the place will lose all its personality and charm.
SOOKIE: Well, I hope they don't do that, but hey, our place is gonna be full of charm.
LORELAI: So you don't care what happens to this place?
SOOKIE: Of course I do, but it's not up to me. I mean, I can't control that. The only thing we can control is what our inn's gonna be like.
LORELAI: I guess.
SOOKIE: You guess what?
LORELAI: We'll see.
SOOKIE: We'll see what?
LORELAI: It's just a little short sided to just write off this place when we haven't even bought Fran's yet and, hey, we don't know if we will.
[Lorelai walks to the dining room, Sookie follows her.]
SOOKIE: We don't? Why wouldn't we? Lorelai. Is this about Fran's life expectancy because I
LORELAI: No Sookie, it's about the fact that we haven't even looked at any other places and we don't know if that's necessarily the right one and we have to be very practical about this.
SOOKIE: But it's the perfect location. We all said so.
LORELAI: Well, you can't get emotionally attached to any of our decisions about the inn. This is business. You've got to stay detached.
SOOKIE: But we are all so not detached. But okay, do you have another location in mind?
LORELAI: Not really.
SOOKIE: Do you wanna look for a new location?
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, like I have all this time to go looking for other locations.
SOOKIE: Well, I don't know. Should we try to buy this place?
LORELAI: Aha. This place is five times what we can afford.
SOOKIE: So what do we do?
LORELAI: I don't know. It's on hold, I guess.
SOOKIE: Well, it's been on hold for years. We were moving forward.
LORELAI: Yes, well, I'm looking at the economy right now and I'm thinking, I don't know if the timing's good.
SOOKIE: Okay, that's not fair because I don't know anything about the economy.
LORELAI: Oh, well then good thing you hooked up with me because it's not looking good.
SOOKIE: Okay, what happened?
LORELAI: What do you mean, what happened?
SOOKIE: We had a vision, we had a plan. You're the one that got this whole ball rolling again, and I jumped on the ball, and then we were rolling on the ball together and then you hopped off the ball, and I'm still on the ball. And I'm confused, 'cause I see it, and I see our vision, and you saw it too up until today!
LORELAI: Well, I know you would like things to be simple and straightforward but unfortunately things are more complicated.
SOOKIE: Okay, that's why we'd be partners. If something gets too heavy for the one person, the other one's there to pick up the slack.
LORELAI: Yes, well that's great in theory, but I gotta tell you, my back is aching from all the extra slack I'm taking up!
SOOKIE: What did I do that's so wrong?
LORELAI: Let's not get into this stuff.
SOOKIE: No, get into it.
LORELAI: Well, you're not the most reliable person in the world or the most punctual.
SOOKIE: You've always known that about me.
LORELAI: Yes, but now, getting into business, it's not so cute. It could hurt us. I mean, you were late for the Fran meeting, you're constantly changing every menu you ever set, even after you've started making it.
SOOKIE: I don't believe this! Before it was kudos to me for my attention to detail. I was the maestro.
LORELAI: That's fine for an established place like the Independence, but you do that stuff at our place, it could wipe us out. Profit margins in a new business are slim, Sookie.
SOOKIE: Just stop. Just stop. Now you're talking down to me.
LORELAI: I'm not talking down to you, I'm trying to explain.
SOOKIE: Yes you are. Yes you are, and I don't know why you are, but I don't want to start crying in front of you because it'll just give you one more thing to point at to say, 'Look, she's too emotional and she's too weak for me to go into business with,' so I'm leaving. And I'll see you tomorrow, if I can remember to show up.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[Rory and Dean are walking down the street.]
DEAN: Hey, I gotta drop by the market.
RORY: But it's your day off.
DEAN: Yeah, it's to get my paycheck. If I don't get it by four, Taylor locks it in a safe and it's on some kind of timer and then when I complain, he lectures me about promptly putting checks in the back and the theories of compound interest, and then my head hurts from all the nodding I do even though I don't listen
RORY: Go, go!
DEAN: I'll just be a minute.
[Dean walks into the market. Rory waits outside. Jess walks up to her.]
JESS: Should you be standing here all alone? I hear this is a pretty dangerous corner.
RORY: I'm fine.
JESS: Feeling succinct today?
RORY: Pretty much.
JESS: Hmm. Did I do something to offend?
RORY: Me?
JESS: Yeah.
RORY: No.
JESS: Good.
RORY: You might want to ask that same question to Luke though.
JESS: Meaning?
RORY: You've got this whole town down on him.
JESS: Really? How did I do that?
RORY: You know how you did that.
JESS: I'm not really familiar with the blue book laws in this town, so you can be talking about a lot of things. Dropping a gum wrapper, strolling arm in arm with a member of the opposite s*x on a Sunday. [Rory gestures to the chalk outline] Ah. What about it?
RORY: You did it. The whole town knows you did it. They had a meeting about it.
JESS: You actually went to that bizarro town meeting? Those things are so 'To Kill a Mockingbird.'
RORY: Yes, I went. And Luke went. And when he got there, everyone ganged up on him. They all want you gone.
JESS: Wow, bummer.
RORY: And he's standing there yelling at everyone and defending you and paying Taylor back for his lettuce losses
JESS: Wait, his what?
RORY: And now Luke's a pariah and it's all because of you! What a shock, you don't care about any of this.
JESS: I didn't say that.
RORY: Go. I'm tired of talking to you.
JESS: Fine. [starts to walk away]
RORY: You care nothing about Luke and his feelings!
JESS: Got a second wind, huh? [walks back over to Rory]
RORY: All he does is stick up for you and all you do is make his life harder. I guess that's what you have to do when you're trying to be Holden Caulfield but I think it stinks. Luke has done a lot for my mom and a lot for me, and I don't like to see him attacked. Okay, second wind over.
JESS: I didn't know they were coming down so hard on him.
RORY: Funny, I never pegged you as clueless, my mistake.
JESS: Okay. I get it. No, no, I do, I get it. So did you at least think it was funny?
RORY: That is so not the point.
JESS: Ah, you thought it was funny.
[Dean walks out of the market]
DEAN: I got it. Oh, uh, hey.
RORY: Um Dean, I don't think you two have met. This is Jess. This is Dean.
JESS: Boyfriend?
RORY: Of course.
JESS: Sorry, you didn't say. How ya doing?
DEAN: Good, good.
RORY: Okay, see you around.
JESS: Seems to turn out that way, doesn't it?
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Lorelai and Rory walk up to the front door]
RORY: I wonder if Grandpa's still in Akron?
LORELAI: Well for Akron's sake, I hope he's moved on to Boise. [rings doorbell; the maid answers] Hi. We're the daughter and the granddaughter.
[they walk inside]
RORY: You are majorly crabby.
LORELAI: I just have a headache.
EMILY: Oh Good! Come, come, come, it's all done, and it's great.
CUT TO STUDY
[they walk in and Emily shows them Rory's portrait]
EMILY: Tada.
RORY: Whoa.
EMILY: What do you think?
RORY: It's freaky.
EMILY: Freaky?
RORY: Well, just seeing me here, up on the wall like that, it's uh. . . I like it though. It's good, I guess. I should probably take myself out of the judging process.
EMILY: I think Richard's just gonna love it. It's the perfect thing, don't you think?
LORELAI: Mm hmm.
EMILY: You've got to admit, it turned out better than you thought it would.
LORELAI: Yeah.
EMILY: Well, come on, say a little more than that.
LORELAI: It's great Mom, it's fabulous. It's just a notch below Rembrandt.
EMILY: Well, you don't have to take that attitude.
LORELAI: What do you want from me? I'd light some sparklers and jump up and down yelling 'Yay for the painting' but I'm fresh out of sparklers and my feet hurt too much to jump. But I promise next week when I have more energy, I'll write a love song for the chandelier.
[Emily leaves the room]
RORY: Mom.
[Lorelai follows Emily]
CUT TO KITCHEN
[Lorelai walks over to Emily]
LORELAI: Hey, how dare you walk away from me when I'm being a world class jerk to you. The painting's great Mom, really.
EMILY: Thank you.
LORELAI: I really like it. It's so natural that she's reading which is great, and she's not sitting next to a goose or a giant tortoise, which is good, and Dad is gonna love it. It's a good thing you did here.
EMILY: You can be so harsh sometimes, and I just don't know where it comes from or what I've done to deserve it.
LORELAI: You did nothing.
EMILY: Well, I must've done something.
LORELAI: Oh, I've been...it's just been a bad week. Sookie and I were moving forward with plans to open our inn, and we had huge fight. And we've never had a huge fight, let alone a fight, and awful things were said and it all started when Mia showed up for a visit and I told her about our plans and she's talking about selling the Independence Inn and it just wigged me out a little. It's stupid, I don't know, but that was our home for so long, mine and Rory's. And it's just weird to think that it wouldn't be there and Mia wouldn't be there and I wouldn't be there, and I just got very upset. Anyway, I'm rambling. The painting's really great. Will you accept my apology?
EMILY: Yes, yes I will. I've had bad days too.
LORELAI: Thank you.
EMILY: Well, we should get back to Rory.
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai sits at the kitchen table as Luke walks in.]
LUKE: Okay, I'm pretty much done.
LORELAI: Thanks for doing this. I didn't want the rain to destroy your beautiful chuppah. And I looked and looked in the yellow pages and I didn't see a chuppah waterproofer listing anywhere.
[Luke holds up a broken wooden goat]
LUKE: How about chuppah goat figure repairman?
LORELAI: Gilbert.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: The goat. We named him Gilbert, he's headless. Can you fix him?
LUKE: Yeah, I got some glue here. I can fix him.
LORELAI: Good. I'll make some tea.
LUKE: So, Sookie stopped at the diner this morning.
LORELAI: Oh.
LUKE: I asked her how your plans were going with the new inn, and she very awkwardly changed the subject to women's basketball.
LORELAI: Huh.
LUKE: She's never shown much interest in sports before.
LORELAI: No?
LUKE: What's going on with that?
LORELAI: Oh well, you know, women's basketball is getting super popular. That's good, I think. The tall girls need an outlet. We had a fight. A big, humongous fight. She's never going to speak to me again.
LUKE: What happened?
LORELAI: I just flat out panicked about the enormity of what we were getting into and it clobbered me, and I clobbered Sookie, and was such a jerk. Hey, if I cry, will it freak you out?
LUKE: Totally.
LORELAI: What if I whimper?
LUKE: How about you suck it up?
LORELAI: Hmm, I'll try.
LUKE: I don't get it. You're as ready as you've ever been.
LORELAI: Oh Luke, do not underestimate the complete and total lack of confidence I have in my abilities.
LUKE: What? You're the most confident person I know. Obnoxiously so.
LORELAI: Thank you.
LUKE: I mean in a good way. You're good at what you do and you know it.
LORELAI: Oh, no, no, no. I'm good at doing what I have to do. When I had to get a job, I got it. When I had to find a house for us and a life for us, I got it. When I had to get Rory into Chilton, I did it. But I don't have to leave the Independence Inn. I don't have to go into business for myself, I don't have to walk out on that limb and risk everything I've worked for.
LUKE: Then do it.
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: Just say where you are.
LORELAI: What is this, reverse psychology?
LUKE: No, just stay at the inn. You're happy there.
LORELAI: Oh, so you think I can't hack it.
LUKE: Of course you can hack it.
LORELAI: Great, lip service, that's what I need.
LUKE: Hey, if I start to cry, will it freak you out?
LORELAI: Ugh. I couldn't stay where I am if I wanted. Mia is selling the inn. And that hit me hard too, maybe harder than the other thing. I'm gonna be without a home.
LUKE: What do you mean? This is your home.
LORELAI: No, I mean a home home. A memory home. The inn is where Rory took her first step. It's where I took my first step. It's more of a home to me more than my parents' house ever was.
LUKE: You're just scared. Just like everybody else when they're taking on something big.
LORELAI: Well, then what does everybody else do to get through this feeling?
LUKE: They run in the back, throw up, pass out and then smack their head on the floor.
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: That's what I did on the first morning I opened the diner. Look, there is no button to push to get you through this. You just gotta jump in and be scared and stick with it until it gets fun.
LORELAI: How long 'til the diner got fun?
LUKE: About a year.
LORELAI: Wow. And there's no button?
LUKE: Nope.
LORELAI: How about a lever, can I pull a lever?
LUKE: Nope.
LORELAI: Turn a knob?
LUKE: Nope.
LORELAI: You just jump?
LUKE: You just jump.
LORELAI: I wanna do it.
LUKE: You should do it. Check it out. [holds up the fixed wooden goat]
LORELAI: Gilbert. You're not worse for the wear.
LUKE: I'll go reattach him. How'd this happen anyway?
LORELAI: Oh, something must've smacked into him with a hedger.
LUKE: Uh huh, well, no one'll ever know. Oh, and uh, women's basketball is in season. You might wanna run that news past Sookie, and maybe you can go to a game or something.
LORELAI: Yeah. Or something. Thanks.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
[Sookie is at the stove cooking as Lorelai walks over to her.]
LORELAI: Hi.
SOOKIE: Hi.
LORELAI: Mm. Meat loaf, mashed potatoes, stuffing. Comfort food, huh?
SOOKIE: I thought it would be good with the weather changing like this, but if you don't think it's right I can make something else. Although I'm right on schedule and on budget so a change would kinda throw things off. Your call.
LORELAI: No, no, everything looks great. Hey Sookie.
SOOKIE: Yeah?
LORELAI: I'm sorry about what happened. I said stupid things, and I said them for reasons that have nothing to do with you and I hate myself for doing it and I know you do too, and I am sorry.
SOOKIE: It's okay.
LORELAI: No it isn't. You are a brilliant chef and to think that you should do things differently from how you do them now is ridiculous. You don't tell a great violinist to hold his bow differently. You don't tell a great cymbal player to crash his cymbals differently. You just let them play.
SOOKIE: There are great cymbal players?
LORELAI: Theoretically.
SOOKIE: Okay, well, it's okay.
LORELAI: I wanna go ahead with our plans. Forget my freak out. Pretend it didn't happen. Let's move forward.
SOOKIE: Well
LORELAI: You don't want to move forward?
SOOKIE: No, I do. But I need your promise you're not gonna lose it on me again.
LORELAI: I promise.
SOOKIE: 'Cause I couldn't take losing a business partner and my best friend in one fail swoop. It'd be too much.
LORELAI: Sookie, I will place my hand on whatever you want and swear that you can trust that I will not lose confidence in our dream.
SOOKIE: That's good enough 'cause I know you don't like to put your hand on things.
LORELAI: We're gonna give it our best shot.
SOOKIE: And if we go down after two years
LORELAI: Oh, it'll be the most exciting two years of our lives!
CUT TO LOBBY
[Mia is talking to a man as Emily walks into the inn.]
MAN: How about antiques?
MIA: Absolutely, it's the best place for antiques. Michel will have a map for you if you need it.
MAN: Thank you.
[the man walks away as Mia walks over to Emily]
MIA: Hello, can I help you?
EMILY: No, thank you. I just
MIA: Yes?
EMILY: I just wanted to meet the woman who helped raise my daughter.
MIA: Emily.
EMILY: Yes, I'm Emily Gilmore.
MIA: I've wanted to meet you too for a very long time.
EMILY: Well, that's nice.
MIA: Would you like to sit down? Or have something to eat? Have lunch with me, won't you?
EMILY: No, thank you. You have a lovely place here. It's a beautiful hotel. It's not a home, but still, a beautiful hotel.
MIA: Sometimes home is where your hat is.
EMILY: Or where your family is.
MIA: Yes, that too. You sure you don't want some tea? Tea usually makes things like this a little less awkward. There's things to hold and stir.
EMILY: I don't know why I came here.
MIA: You wanted to meet me.
EMILY: After all these years, it makes no sense.
MIA: I expected you to come eventually.
EMILY: Did you?
MIA: Mm hmm.
EMILY: And what did you expect to say to me when I did come?
MIA: When Lorelai showed up on my porch that day with a tiny baby in her arms, I thought to myself, what if this were my daughter, and she was cold and scared and needed a place to live? What would I want for her? And then I thought, I'd want her to find somebody to take her in and make her safe and help her find her way.
EMILY: That's funny. I would've wanted her to find someone who would send her home. I have to go. I'd appreciate if you didn't mention this to Lorelai.
MIA: I won't.
[Emily walks to the door, then stops]
EMILY: Do you have pictures, from back then?
MIA: I'll send you a box full tomorrow.
EMILY: Thank you.
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Lorelai and Rory sit at a table eating]
LORELAI: Oh man, it's such a relief to have that Sookie thing fixed.
RORY: I know. I hate fighting with friends.
LORELAI: That's what enemies are for.
RORY: And God knows we have our share of those.
LORELAI: People who eat crunchy food with their mouths open.
RORY: People who dog ear library books.
LORELAI: People who spit when they talk.
RORY: Oh gross, you got me in the eye!
LORELAI: I did not.
RORY: You totally did!
LORELAI: You're full of it.
RORY: Luke, where's my toast?
LUKE: Ah, it's gonna take awhile. My big toaster's broken so I got stuck with just this dinky one.
[Jess pushes down the handle on the big toaster, showing Luke that it works]
LUKE: How did that happen?
JESS: You're gonna break that.
LUKE: It was broken before.
JESS: Well it must've got better.
LUKE: Inanimate objects don't usually get better. Did you fix this?
JESS: Please.
LUKE: Jess.
JESS: I have no idea what you're babbling about. I don't fix things.
LUKE: But yesterday
JESS: I got school.
[Rory smiles at Jess as he leaves] | Plan: A: an inn; Q: What do Lorelai and Sookie want to open? A: a roadblock; Q: What does Lorelai and Sookie encounter when the owner of their dream location refuses to sell the property? A: the Independence Inn; Q: What is Mia the owner of? A: guilt; Q: What emotion does Lorelai feel when she leaves Mia to run the inn? A: the Inn; Q: What does Lorelai tell Emily she and Rory grew up together at? A: the courage; Q: What did Lorelai finally summon up to tell Mia about their plans? A: Emily; Q: Who asks Mia for pictures of Lorelai and Rory? A: the pain; Q: What does Lorelai not realize she is causing her mother? A: her mother; Q: Who does Lorelai not realize she is hurting by telling Emily about the Inn? A: Lorelai's emotional turmoil; Q: What culminates with Lorelai having her first ever argument with Sookie? A: a pep talk; Q: What does Luke give Lorelai after she apologizes to Sookie? A: years; Q: How long did Lorelai and Rory live at the Inn? A: a place; Q: What did Mia give Lorelai and Rory to feel safe? A: the front; Q: Where was the fake murder scene planted at Doose's market? A: a body; Q: What is the chalk outline of in the fake murder scene? A: a dither; Q: What does Taylor get into when he finds a fake murder scene at Doose's market? A: the diner; Q: Where does Taylor confront Luke about the fake murder scene? A: Jess's defense; Q: What does Luke jump to when Taylor accuses him of the fake murder? A: a secret town meeting; Q: Where is Jess accused of the murder? A: his nephew; Q: Who does Luke stand behind at the town meeting? A: The next day; Q: When does Rory tell Jess that she knows he's the real culprit? A: all the heat; Q: What does Rory think Luke should have taken from everyone in Stars Hollow? A: Luke's feelings; Q: What does Luke agree to be more considerate of after Rory tells him he's being a jerk? Summary: Lorelai and Sookie gear up their plans to open an inn, but encounter a roadblock when the owner of their dream location refuses to sell the property. The unexpected arrival of Mia, the absentee owner of the Independence Inn, complicates matters even further when Lorelai begins to experience pangs of guilt at leaving Mia with the responsibility of running the Inn again. When Lorelai finally summons up the courage to tell her about their plans, Mia is supportive and enthusiastic, and announces that this was just the opportunity she was waiting for to sell the Inn. Lorelai is saddened at this news and tells Emily how much the Inn means to her as the place where she and Rory grew up together, oblivious to the pain she is causing her mother. Lorelai's emotional turmoil culminates with having her first ever argument with Sookie. After a pep talk from Luke, Lorelai apologizes to Sookie and recommits to their friendship and partnership. Stung by the loss of years and memories while Lorelai and Rory lived at the Inn, Emily decides to meet Mia, the woman who was such an important part of their lives then. Mia explains that she took them in to give them a place to feel safe, while Emily explains that she wanted Mia to send them home. Emily asks Mia if she has any pictures of the girls from those days, and Mia eagerly agrees to send them to her right away. Someone has planted a fake murder scene at the front of Doose's market, complete with police tape and the chalk outline of a body. Naturally, this gets Taylor in a dither; after scouring Stars Hollow looking for the culprit, he confronts Luke at the diner and accuses Jess. Luke jumps to Jess's defense and throws Taylor out. Later that evening, Luke, Lorelai, Rory and Mia stumble upon a secret town meeting where Jess is accused once more and Luke is vilified for bringing him into town. Luke stands behind his nephew again, supported by Lorelai. The next day, Rory tells Jess that she knows he's really the culprit, and that he's being a jerk for letting Luke take all the heat from everyone in Stars Hollow. After Jess gets her to admit that it was a pretty funny prank after all, he agrees to lighten up and be more considerate of Luke's feelings. |
Gunn: "Previously on Angel:"
Angel to Wes: "Check me out! I'm Mr. Dad."
Sahjhan to Lilah: "I need the blood of Angel's son."
Lilah: "Got it."
Sahjhan: "Got it? How'd you get it?"
Lilah: "Swiped it."
Angel: "Things have been a little slow since Cordelia and the Groosalug went on vacation."
Angel: "You've been holed up with all those prophecies and books."
Angel: "You okay, Wes?"
Loa: "That the vampire will devour his child is certain."
Wes: "When will this happen?"
Lilah: "It's already started."
Loa: "Be heedful of the signs, human." The second, stronger earthquake hits as Angel is heating up a bottle for Connor.
Loa: "Earthquake, fire..." The gas stove topples over, shooting out an explosion of flame that throws Angel halfway across the room.
Loa: "...blood."
Angel: "Wesley, get out!" Angel grabs Wes and throws him out of the burning room, then follows, holding Connor.
Angel to Connor: "It's okay." Wes stares up at Angel, who is bleeding from a gash on the side of his head.
Wes to himself: "Earthquake, fire, blood." Hyperion, day, Wes is staring at his translation of 'The Father will kill The Son.' He looks up at the bassinet as we hear Connor fussing, then closes the book on the desk in front of him on the notepad. He slowly gets up and walks over to the bassinet, where Connor is now crying, and looks down at the baby.
Angel: "Geez, Wes! Don't you know what you're supposed to do?" Wes looks up to see Angel standing there sipping a tall glass of blood. Angel sets the glass aside and walks over to the bassinet.
Angel: "You pick 'em up when they fuss. (Leans down to pick Connor up) Daddy's here."
Wes: "Sorry. I don't know what I was... I didn't sleep very well."
Angel: "Yeah, and you look like hell. Not the fun one, where they burn you with hot pokers for all eternity, but the hardcore one, you know, Nixon and Brittany Spears?" Angel laughs down at Connor.
Wes: "You're awfully chipper today."
Angel: "Yeah, it's weird, huh? Maybe it was the earthquake, but I barely slept and I have all this energy. God, I could drink a horse!" Angel picks up his glass of blood for another drink.
Wes: "Speaking of earthquake: you realize we have no insurance."
Angel: "Yeah. Bummer."
Wes: "Your room is..."
Angel: "...the wreck of the Hesperus. I know. Wes - don't be such a worrywart. The best part about owning a hotel is plenty of rooms. I'll just move to another one until we get it fixed." We hear a guitar and a woman's voice.
Angel: "Who is that singing?"
Wes: "Lorne is seeing a client in the garden."
Angel: "She's good. (To Connor) You wanna see the lady sing?" Angel walks over to look out at the garden court, carrying Connor and taking another drink from his glass. A young woman with long blonde hair is singing to her guitar.
Kim singing: "I fell so far - a light went on in my heart. You're gone - now I'm - left alone in the dark."
Stops and turns to Lorne: "Do you see anything?"
Lorne: "I see you're plenty scared. It's alright. Keep going."
Kim singing: "My soul is aching..." Connor starts to fuss.
Angel: "Hey, hey, hey. No fussing now. Hey, do you wanna see something cool? Sure you do." Angel walks back into the lobby and opens the weapons cabinet as Wes watches them.
Kim singing: "...my heart is breaking..."
Angel: "Ah, huh? You like that broadsword? That's your old man's favorite. (Turns away from the weapons) Wes! He's gonna be crawling in no time. We got to start baby proofing this place! (Hands Connor over to Wesley) Here take him. (To Connor) It's alright. It's your uncle Wes. Yeah, he loves you bunches! (Turns away with a chuckle) He's just - English."
Fred's voice: "Are you crazy? It's the best state in the Union!" Wes looks over to see Fred coming down the stairs, talking to her cell phone.
Fred: "What's wrong with Texas? - Texas doesn't hate the black man. Texas *loves* the black man. Well, most of Texas. Anyone with a brain. What's so great about California?" The doors open and Gunn walks in, also talking to his cell.
Gunn: "Everything. It's got the climate, the ocean..."
Fred: "The earth that opens up and swallows you whole."
Gunn: "The Lakers, the music." They walk towards each other across the lobby, still talking into their phones.
Fred: "The traffic, the smog." They stop face to face.
Gunn: "It's got you." Fred closes her phone and smiles at him: "Okay. You win. Morning."
Gunn smiles back: "Hi."
Wes: "Glad to see you're using the company phones for such important calls."
Gunn holds up his phone: "Did you want me to pay for that?"
Angel: "Chain 'em up!"
Fred: "What?!"
Angel: "I say we put a chain and a combination lock on the weapons. Better safe than sorry. (To Connor) Isn't that right, buddy? (Kisses Connor) He likes you. I can tell."
Wes: "I like him, too. As a matter of fact I was thinking, perhaps I'd take him to the park or the beach, just the two of us. (Angel takes Connor back from Wes.) Maybe there'll be some time in the next day or two."
Angel: "Sounds great. Yeah. Count on it."
Lorne: "Ah, guys? I think there's something you should... Ah, can you come here for a sec?" They all follow him out into the garden court. Angel is careful to stay back in the shadows of the hotel entrance.
Lorne: "Everybody, this is my friend, Kim. (To Kim) It's alright. They're professionals. Just take it from the chorus, hmm?"
Kim, singing: "My heart is breaking - in two. No love, no light left - no you..." Suddenly her face morphs into that of an ugly gray skinned demon.
Demon-Kim: "I'll hack your eyeballs out and rip your children in two!" Green drool starts to drip from her mouth. Her face morphs back to human, and Lorne walks over to a shaking Kim.
Lorne: "It's okay. I got ya. It's all right. It's okay. (To the others) Catchy finish, huh?" Intro Kim is sitting in Wes' office drinking tea.
Lorne: "Kim is good people. She came to see me a couple of years ago."
Kim: "He put me on my true path."
Lorne smiling: "She was throwing her life away in medical school, when she should have been a singer."
Gunn: "Yeah. Who needs more doctor's in the world when you can have singing demons?"
Kim: "Well, the demon part - is new."
Angel: "Ha! Singing demons, flying nuns. Good one, G!" Angel takes another drink from his glass of blood as Gunn looks over at him.
Lorne: "Well, she hooked up with this band a couple of weeks ago and..."
Kim: "They were mellow - organic types. They never touched drugs or played a diminished chord."
Angel: "I like nuns. How did the flying nun fly anyway? Was it god or - magic? (Everyone looks at Angel) What? You think about these things sometimes. (Motions to Kim) Please - continue!"
Kim: "Uhm - well, then they started changing. Stevie, the lead guitar grew a seventh finger like overnight."
Gunn: "Seventh?"
Kim: "Well, he already had six. I just thought... I don't really know what I thought. And Raw, the drummer, suddenly sprouted that spiny thing on his back..." We get a shot of Wes and Fred, wearing gloves, bending over a microscope sitting on Cordy's desk.
Kim: "...And they started playing this beyond industrial trash noise funk day and night. And then it happened to me. - You saw it. - Am I gonna turn into that?"
Wes: "No. You're human. They're not. What's happening to you isn't permanent. It's just an infection."
Fred: "Which you can get rid of by taking twenty milligrams of Cylenthium powder twice a day for a month."
Lorne: "Mystical antibiotic. I'll get you some." Fred holds up a glass slide: "I thought your saliva was suspect. What with being green and all... No offense, Lorne. Under the microscope it showed traces of Penloxia."
Lorne: "Oh - they're Wraith-ers."
Kim: "Wraith-ers?"
Wes: "Demons that can make themselves look human - for a time. (Shows her an entry in one of his books) Ten days, two weeks, then they revert to what they really are."
Gunn: "I wonder why they would wanna look like musicians?"
Angel: "For the chicks. Musicians get the chicks! (Everyone turns to look at him) What? They're gonna appear as dentists? Let's take 'em out. (To Kim) Where are they?"
Kim: "In a rehearsal space. It's an old loading dock behind the shop'n'go in Echo park."
Angel: "Wes?"
Wes: "You'll have to kill them. It's the only thing you can do with Wraith-ers. You, Gunn, Fred can go. Lorne, stay here with the baby. I have some business to take care of."
Fred: "Guys, shouldn't we call Cordelia and the Groosalug back into action? I mean, if one of us gets hurt, say, killing Wraith-ers for example. We're gonna need some backup around here."
Angel: "Nah, I don't wanna disturb her. It's the only break she's had in years. Besides, you know, it's just a couple of Wraith-ers."
Kim: "Three -actually."
Angel: "Piece of cake! (Does some shadow boxing) I'm up for a little kick-ass! Come on! Who's with me?" At Holtz headquarters one of his men is punching a vampire, held in a chain harness. Justine, holding the end of the harness chain: "Good!" The man stumbles back from a swing by the vampire.
Justine: "He'd be sucking the life out of you right about now, Rick. Never take your eyes off a vampire. You have to feel where your fellow soldiers are! You can trust each other with your lives!" Pulls the vampire back to face her. The vampire swings at her. She kicks it and wraps the chain around its neck forcing it to its knees.
Justine: "Never! Ever! Trust a bloodsucker! (Tosses the vampire over her back) Keep practicing!" One of the men grabs the chain and hooks it to the wall. Holtz gets up and walks into another part of the house. Justine follows him.
Holtz: "I don't like it."
Justine: "They'll learn or they'll die."
Holtz: "Oh, not that. They're coming right along. I - I don't like tea in these cotton cups."
Justine: "It's called Styrofoam - and I'll get you some China ones."
Holtz: "Thank you, Justine. Are you ready?"
Justine: "Yes."
Holtz: "What is it you're not sure of - is it me?"
Justine: "No! It's... - these people that work for Angel - we may end up killing a lot of them."
Holtz: "We may end up killing all of them."
Justine: "I'd follow you through the gates of hell to kill vampires, Daniel. You know that."
Holtz: "But people - even evil people who help vampires..." The Camera pans down Holtz' arm and we see him take out a hidden knife and holding it concealed in his right hand.
Holtz: "...are another kettle of fish."
Justine after a beat: "They chose Angel. That makes them enemy soldiers."
Wes: "So I guess that makes it alright."
Holtz turning: "Mr. Wyndham-Pryce. How nice to see you again."
Justine: "What the hell do you want?"
Holtz: "Don't be rude Justine. He's our guest." Holtz looks at the two guys holding Wes and they let go and leave.
Holtz: "And in the throws of a very difficult decision, I'd imagine." Holtz uses the knife in his right hand to cut a slice off an apple and offers it to Wes.
Holtz: "You want some apple?" Kim's band is playing their beyond industrial trash funk music. A couple of punk girls are dancing wildly in front of the stage.
Singer screaming: "I hate your zit-face smile, that's why I'll cut you it in two, ..?.., and when I'm done with you, I'll throw your mother, brother, sister, uncle and your little dog, too." A trashcan shatters one of the windows beside the stage and the music cuts off. Gunn steps through carrying a crossbow followed by Fred, and Angel, who is holding a blanket over his head to shield him from the sun's rays.
Singer: "Dude! You're paying for that window."
Gunn: "No, I'm not."
Drummer: "Wait, are you the "A" and "R" guys? This isn't even the whole band. We got a killer chick who sings! (Looks at Fred) Hey, baby! Hey, don't worry about the window, Holmes."
Angel: "We're not the "A" and "R" guys. We're just here to kill you."
Drummer: "Ah, dude, they wanna kill us."
Singer: "Okay. But they're still paying for the window."
Drummer: "I got first ride on the hottie." With that the drummer leaps off the stage. Gunn hits the drummer, sending him stumbling back against the stage as the groupies let out a scream.
Gunn to Fred: "Get them out of here!"
Fred to Gunn: "Be careful." Fred takes a hold of the two girls and ushers them out. Gunn raises his crossbow as the three Wraith-ers square off against them and they suddenly come to a dead halt.
Gunn: "Oh, come on! Take it like a demon." A growl sounds and Gunn turns his head to see that Angel is snarling at them in full vamp-face. Angel leaps past Gunn onto the stage, tackling all three demons at once, then starts to lay into them like there is no tomorrow. Gunn stares and kicks the occasional Wraith-er as it comes his way, but Angel is hogging all the action, tossing the demons around like rag dolls. Gunn shoots one of the Wraith-ers' in the throat with an arrow and glances over at Fred standing back in the shadow of the entrance. All falls quiet as Angel tosses the last demon aside. Vamp-faced Angel is standing on the cleared stage, still holding one of the demon's arms.
Angel: "That was fun."
Wes: "I don't wanna see anyone get hurt. Your soldiers - or mine."
Holtz: "I share your hatred of violence, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce and I've meted out a good deal less of it in my lifetime than Angelus has in his."
Wes: "*Angel*"
Holtz: "Whatever you wish to call him. I will never agree that he has somehow been absolved from the past by the presence of his soul."
Justine: "He's a vampire. End of discussion. (Steps closer to Wes holding up a knife) And I'd bet you a dollar this one's here to stab us in the back." Wes just looks at her as she threatens him with the knife.
Wes: "Who did you lose?"
Justine: "What?"
Wes: "You're here in Holtz' army - ready to kill others, die for the cause. You must have lost someone very important to you."
Justine: "That's none of your business."
Holtz: "Her twin sister Julia was murdered by vampires."
Wes: "You lost family. I'm sorry. (Steps closer to Justine) Angel and the people I work with are *my* family - and when I say I don't want to see anyone to get hurt..." He grabs a hold of Justine's knife hand and twists her around against him, grabbing her throat with his other hand.
Wes: "...I mostly mean them." Holtz holds up a hand to stop the rest of his guys from interfering as Justine gasps in Wes' grip.
Wes: "But I don't stab people in the back." Holtz gets up and steps closer.
Holtz: "You're an honest man. (Takes the knife out of Justine's hand) I trust you." Wes lets Justine go and she spins away to stand behind Holtz.
Holtz: "And you can trust me."
Wes: "It's funny. I don't."
Holtz, sitting back down: "Well, your problem isn't me right now. - Your problem is, your friend is going to kill his own child. - You know you have to do something about it. - You know if you don't, I will. (Holtz stand up and steps closer to Wesley) Don't misunderstand me. I won't stand by while an innocent child is murdered - but I won't attack and endanger other innocent lives unless I'm forced to."
Wes: "How long do I have?"
Holtz: "I'll give you one day. (Turns away and sits back down on the edge of the desk) You may not trust me, but I trust you to do what's right. One day. After that... - *everyone* will get hurt." After a beat, Wes walks past Holtz without another word. Lorne has a bunch of stuffed animals lined up on the reception counter.
Lorne: "So, Sammy's at the Flamigo, and Frank, Dino, Peter, Joey, and Shirley are all front row center. Well, Sammy starts singing 'I Did It My Way' then he stops and says 'I can't sing this song in front of you, Frank.' (Connor coos up at Lorne) The crowd loves it. They're laughing. Ha, ha, ha, ha. So, then Frank calls out 'hey, you're short, you're one-eyed, and I heard somewhere you're Jewish. Don't be intimidated!' The crowd goes wild!" Lorne breaks off as the door opens and Fred, Angel, and Gunn stride in.
Lorne: "So, how'd it go?"
Gunn: "The Wraith-ers are no more."
Angel: "Tore 'em apart."
Fred: "Literally." Angel walks around the counter, opens the little fridge there and pours himself a glass of blood.
Lorne: "He has been so good the whole time his daddy's been gone. (Angel starts to gulp down the blood) Do you miss your daddy? He's right here. (Lorne looks over at Angel) Hey, Angel, I think Connor needs some papa-love."
Angel: "He needs a lot of things. All day, every day."
Lorne: "Well, yeah. That's kind of how kids..."
Angel: "Connor needs a bath, Connor needs a bottle, what Connor needs is to grow up!" Angel gulps more blood as everyone watches him.
Lorne: "Is something wrong?"
Angel: "Gosh, no, Lorne, everything's just great! (Connor is starting to fuss) I got a kid that cries, pees and moans, and never gives me a moment to myself." Connor is crying now.
Lorne to Connor: "Oh, it's alright."
Angel: "It's really not. Connor, shut up!"
Fred: "Don't yell at him. He's just a baby!"
Angel: "He keeps it up he's not gonna be a baby for long!" With that Angel throws the glass at the wall, shattering it and spattering blood everywhere.
Gunn: "You better get a grip right now!" Fred goes to pick Connor up. Angel stares at the blood dripping down the wall, looks at the guys then back at the blood. He turns to look at Lorne.
Angel quietly: "What's wrong with me?" Break.
Angel: "Something's not right.'
Gunn: "You could say that."
Lorne: "Ah, I couldn't help but notice - when did you start drinking so much blood?"
Angel: "I don't know. A few days ago."
Fred: "Where did you get it?"
Angel: "Same butcher as always. It's - it's pig's blood. This last batch just seemed so much more..."
Gunn: "What?"
Angel quietly after a beat: "Tasty." Gunn, putting the crossbow down on the counter: "You were all hyped this morning. Then you went all Tyson on those demons. Then you kinda crashed. Then you had another drink, then you started throwing things."
Fred: "Mm-hmm, just like my aunt Viola and her Southern Comfort."
Angel: "Hey. (Points at himself) Vampire. Need to drink something red. Doesn't make me a blood-aholic."
Lorne: "Not unless someone's spiking your drink." They all look at the blood spattered wall. Fred hands Connor to Gunn.
Fred: "Let's find out." We get a shot of the sun setting, then some flashes of LA at night. Wes is walking down a sidewalk in a residential neighborhood. We can hear two sets of footsteps. Wes sees a child run out of a house to greet its father.
Child: "Daddy!"
Dad, catching the child up: "Hey-hey! How are you, hmm?" The dad carries his child to the house, where his wife is waiting to welcome him. They go inside and Wes walks on.
Wes quietly: "Oh, for god's sake. (Louder) I know you're better at following people than this." Wes turns, and after a moment Justine steps out from behind one of the trees lining the road.
Wes: "So, what's the play?"
Justine: "I just... (Walks closer) need to talk to you. I'm alone. He doesn't know that I'm... I wanna talk to you about him."
Wes: "Holtz? Great guy, not overly tall. - Is this where you offer to help me behind his back?" Wes turns and continues down the sidewalk. Justine hurries after him.
Justine: "Do you believe in *anything*? Or is it all just a big scam to you?"
Wes: "You're a soldier, fight to the death kind. I respect that. You work for a man, who you think is noble and good. I respect that. Trouble is, he's not."
Justine: "You work with a vampire."
Wes turns to face her: "Who in fact *is* noble and good. Quirky, but there it is. Holtz talks about 'justice' and it's stirring, but what he wants is revenge. He's driven by it, blinded by it, and if you, me, or anyone else gets in his way, he'll kill for it."
Justine: "You're wrong. You don't know him. Everything that he's done for me, for all of us..."
Wes: "Sounds like a nice cult."
Justine: "He gave you his word. He'll keep it. (Justine steps closer to him) You're the one who's blind."
Wes: "How so?"
Justine: "What you're about to do to your friend? I imagine it's easier to hate Holtz than yourself."
Wes: "There's enough to go around for both him and me. - Be careful." Wes turns and walks away. Justine watches him, then jumps as Holtz voice sounds from behind her.
Holtz: "You are being careful. I didn't even hear you leave." The camera pans from the blood on the wall to Angel standing there, watching Fred work at the desk where the microscope sits.
Gunn, holding Connor: "You wanna hold him? He's sleeping."
Angel after a beat: "Maybe that's not such a good idea right now." Fred straightens up from the microscope.
Fred: "So, there is more to pig's blood than meets the eye. (Angel looks at the blood on the wall) There's just a trace of..."
Angel, quietly: "Human blood in it. I can feel it. It's his. - It's Connor's."
Gunn: "How do you know that?"
Angel: "The past couple of days he's... (takes a deep breath and wraps his arms around himself) smelled like food."
Lorne: "So, they've been feeding you your own son's blood so you'd get the taste of it and want more."
Fred: "Who's 'they'?"
Angel: "Who do you think?" Lilah is sitting at the bar where she met Shajhan, looking into the mirrored wall backing the shelf of bottles behind the bartender. The bartender serves her a drink. After he moves on she hisses at her reflection in the mirror, making a clawing motion with her left hand.
Lilah: "Like a cat. Can't hear you. But I'm starting to feel you when you're near." She turns around and there is Angel standing right behind her.
Lilah: "Isn't that nice and creepy? How'd you find me?"
Angel: "Your assistant."
Lilah: "I'll have his arms broken."
Angel: "Already taken care of."
Lilah: "And am I next?"
Angel: "You know, Lilah, there are so many things I could do to you. With transfusions I could keep you alive indefinitely. I do have some expertise in this area. - My own son. How could you?"
Lilah: "It's my job." Lilah turns back to her drink. After a beat Angel sits down on the stool beside her.
Angel: "Don't you ever get tired of the whole femme fatale act? (To bartender) Whiskey, straight, lots of it. (To Lilah) How about just once - you talk to me like a person?"
Lilah: "Look, I've been doing this a long damn time. I've had to be better, smarter, quicker than every man in Wolfram and Hart."
Angel: "So, it's a feminist thing. (To Bartender as he sets down Angel's drink) It's on her."
Lilah: "It's a survival thing. I made a lot of devil's bargains and I stuck to them. As a result, I live somewhat dangerously, and *quiet* comfortably. My mother, who no longer recognizes me, has the best room at the clinic. I get up every morning, put on my game face and do what I have to."
Angel: "Thing about a game face, Lilah, you wear it long enough, it stops being something you can put on and take off."
Lilah: "Wow. We've spent so much time and money on you. You're so pivotal to the coming cataclysm, that I sometimes forget how dense you can be. The game face - the one I worked so hard to get - I became that *years* ago. Just like you've become simpering and good from yours. You're the new poster boy for human. Thank you very much. I don't want it."
Angel: "Hmm, speaking as one non-human to another: sorry if I hit a nerve."
Lilah laughs: "You think you can awaken some buried spark of decency in my? Is that the way you (air quote) help your helpless? (air quote) - I'm *not* helpless. I'm glad you came along, because I was sitting here 'what's it all about' and now I know. It is all about making the rest of your eternal life miserable. (Clinks her glass to Angel's and smiles) Shall we drink to that?"
Sahjhan: "You back-stabbing, traitorous bitch." Angel and Lilah twist around on their stools and there is Sahjhan standing behind them.
Sahjhan: "I have a lot of work to do. I can't be in every time/space at once, and here I find you drinking with my sworn enemy."
Angel: "Sworn enemy? Really? Have we met? Because I don't remember swearing."
Lilah: "Sahjhan, he found me." Angel glances from Lilah to Sahjhan.
Angel: "So - you all are in cahoots. Ethereal time-traveling demon - you're the screwball that brought Holtz back. - How's that working out? He's not very fond of demons, is he?"
Sahjhan: "You will learn nothing from me."
Lilah: "Other than that you're his sworn enemy, who brought Holtz back, and when that didn't work out, you came to me. Idiot."
Sahjhan: "Hey! You think my life is easy? I'm jumping from one dimension to another. I don't always have sound. Sometimes it's just a visual. Saw you two sitting here all chummy."
Angel: "So, *why* do you wanna kill me?"
Lilah to Angel: "He wouldn't tell me either. Not that I need a reason. I was just curious. (To Sahjhan) Did he boink your demon bride? Eat your mother? (Looks from Sahjhan to Angel) You really don't know who he is."
Sahjhan: "You will pay."
Angel: "For what?" Sahjhan only turns and disappears into thin air.
Lilah: "Well, whatever his grudge, I think you just made him madder." Wes is walking into the deserted lobby of the Hyperion. He hears Connor fussing in the bassinet and looks down at him for a moment, then goes to retrieve Connor's diaper bag and stuffs a few things into it.
Lorne: "What are you doing?" Wes looks up to see Loren coming down the stairs with a bottle in his hand.
Wes: "Hi. - I'm taking Connor."
Lorne: "Where?" Wes, continuing to back Connor's bag: "To my place - for the night. We're going to the park in the morning. I talked to Angel before. He knows all about it. Are Fred and Gunn..."
Lorne: "Out. Getting food. Boy, that girl can put away the chow! Oh, here. I heated up a bottle. Hey, Angel didn't say anything about... Well, he probably forgot. He went off in kind of a hurry."
Wes: "What happened?"
Lorne: "Well, he was acting kind of weird this morning. I'm sure you noticed. (Wes goes to pick Connor up) Then when he came back from killing the Wraith-ers..."
Wes to a fussy Connor: "Hey, it's okay. It's your Uncle Wes. You like your Uncle Wes. We're gonna have a great time." Wes bounced Connor in his arms and starts to hum to stop him from fussing. He looks up to see Lorne staring at him. Stops humming. He sees Lorne's eyes go wide. Wes slowly puts Connor back down into the bassinet then launches himself at Lorne. Lorne runs from him and into Wes' office. Wes tackles Lorne to the floor. Lorne struggles back up, and in the scuffle ends up tipping over Wes' desk. Wes scrambles after him and hits Lorne across the face a couple times. Then picks up a statue from the cabinet behind his desk and knocks Lorne out with it. Wes hurries back to the bassinet and picks up Connor.
Wes: "Here. All right. That's a boy. That's a boy." Wes turns with Connor against his shoulder - only to find himself face to face with Angel.
Wes: "Angel."
Angel: "Where is everybody?"
Wes: "Fred and Gunn went for food. Lorne - had to go out. I'm watching the baby. In fact, I packed up some overnight things. We talked about me taking Connor to the park and the one across from my place is... It's always full of kids. I thought he could spend the night with me." They just stand there looking at each other silently for a moment.
Angel: "That's - probably a really good idea." Wes lets out a breath.
Wes: "You wanna say good-bye?"
Angel takes Connor: "Okay. Hey. He-he. Sleep tight, big guy. (Smiles at Connor and gives him a kiss) Daddy will see you real soon. (To Wes) Just keep and eye... I check on him a lot during the night. You got his pediatrician's number, his baby formula?"
Wes: "I've got all that."
Angel: "You ever hear of a time-traveling demon by the name of Sahjhan?"
Wes: "No."
Angel: "The guy that brought Holtz here. He thinks I'm his sworn enemy. I don't know him from Adam. Can you hit the books before you go?" Wes watches Angel sit down on the settee in the lobby. The doors open and Fred and Gunn come in.
Gunn: "Hey. Where is Lorne? He better show his green face pronto, or Fred'll eat his hoagie."
Fred: "I will not! I already had two. - Unless he's really not here?"
Angel: "He had to go out."
Gunn: "Where?"
Angel to Wes: "Where did you say he went?"
Wes: "I don't know. He didn't say - exactly. I think he had to see a client. You know, I've got better reference materials for your demon at home, and Connor is getting sleepy. Why don't I look into it there?" Angel looks from Wes to Connor, to Wes outstretched hands, back at Connor. Slowly lets Wes take the baby.
Angel: "Ah, okay. Just call me if you find something." Angel's hand lingers on Connor as Wes slowly steps away.
Wes: "I guess, ah - I'll see everyone tomorrow."
Angel jumps up: "Hey, Wes?" Wes half turns back.
Angel: "What's the closest emergency room to your place?"
Wes after half a beat: "Drew Medical. One minute away. (Wes half-hurries towards the doors, curled around Connor) Top infant care center. Don't worry." We see Wes hurry down the sidewalk with Connor.
Angel: "Well, my first whole night without the kid." Angel puts Connor's stuffed toys into the bassinet as Fred and Gunn watch him.
Angel: "This'll be good for both of us. He can bond with his Uncle Wes... (Fred and Gunn exchange a look and a smile) I can get some rest." Angel looks down at the stuffed monkey.
Gunn, smiling: "We'll stay up with you."
Angel: "Really? Thanks. - You know, he's just a little guy. I'm sure he'll be..." Angel breaks off as we hear moaning coming from Wes' office.
Fred: "Is there someone in Wes' office?" Before they can check the front doors open and Holtz strides in. At the same time several of his people appear from different places all around the lobby. One even comes halfway down the stairs from above. Break
[SCENE_BREAK]
Angel takes a quick looks around, marking all of Holtz' people.
Angel: "Won't you come in."
Holtz: "How is fatherhood treating you?"
Angel: "I like it. (Holtz' guys slowly close in, raising their weapons) You know - I met a friend of yours tonight. A demon named Sahjhan?" Holtz slowly coming down the front steps into the lobby: "What did he have to say?"
Angel: "He was cryptic. Actually he was kind of long-winded. I didn't quite get what his deal was. I wasn't paying that much attention to him." One of the men glances into the bassinet, then almost imperceptibly shakes his head at Holtz.
Angel: "He hates me. Do you know why?"
Holtz: "I don't really care why. So - where is the little nipper?"
Angel: "Oh, he had to go out. Sorry. I know he'd love to meet you."
Holtz: "I'm sure he'll turn up. - Looks like you made a nice life for yourself here."
Angel: "Are you here to fight or shall I make some tea?"
Holtz to his men: "I want to keep Angelus alive - but not well." Holtz men attack and Angel and Gunn fight back. Angel tosses one guy into the weapons cabinet, breaking the glass doors. Makes his way to it through some more of Holtz' men, takes out the sharpened baseball bat and tosses it to Gunn. Picks up the broadsword for himself, but only uses it to fend off the men's weapons. Neither he nor Gunn are trying to kill, just to disable. When one of the men lifts a wooden staff to stake Angel after he gets knocked to the ground, Fred shoots him in the back with a crossbow bolt. As she picks up another bolt to reload, one of the men tackles her to the floor. We see Lorne's green hand come up behind Wes' desk as Gunn gets battered back into the office by two of Holtz' men. Lorne levers himself to his feet, and seeing Gunn getting battered down, lets out a high shrieking that has everyone cower down, covering their ears. Lorne kicks one of Gunn's attackers in the face as he breaks of his 'musical' assault, and Gunn knocks the other one out. Holtz quietly turns away and walks out the front doors. Angel sends the last attacker flying over the counter, looks at where Holtz was standing and sees the open doors, then walks over to pull the guy lying on Fred's back off her and helps her up.
Angel: "Easy. Come on. Are you hurt?"
Fred: "I don't think so."
Angel: "Call Wes." Fred stumbles towards the phone. Angel sees Lorne, looking all bruised up, following Gunn out of the office.
Angel: "Jeez, Lorne. They got you good. You better sit down." Lorne just looks at Angel.
Angel: "What?"
Lorne: "They didn't do this to me. Wesley did." Everyone turns to stare at Lorne.
Angel: "Wesley? - What are you talking about?"
Lorne: "Well, earlier when he came to pick up the baby, Connor started crying and Wes hummed a little lullaby, and I read him and... - I don't know why he did it."
Angel: "Did what?"
Lorne: "He - he's been to see Holtz behind your back. Twice. And he's not taking the baby overnight. He's - he's taking the baby away - for good." Wes walks out of his apartment building (it has the number 2337 beside the door), carrying Connor and a suitcase. He pushes a button on his key chain and one of the cars by the curb chirps as it unlocks. He loads the suitcase into the back. As he opens the side door he hears a moaning sound and turns to see a woman, arms wrapped around her middle, stumbling towards him through the park across the street. Still holding Connor with his left arm, he pulls a gun with his right and aims it at Justine.
Wes: "That's close enough." Justine stumbles to her knees and looks up at Wes through her disordered hair, crying.
Wes: "Justine?"
Justine: "He's everything you said. - It's true." Wes slowly lowers his gun and steps closer.
Wes: "What happened?"
Justine: "Well - he didn't keep his word." Justine lets out a pained laugh. Wes puts the safety back on and puts the gun away. Justine, arms still wrapped tightly around her middle, gets back to her feet and stumbles closer.
Justine: "He took everybody - and he went after the baby. And when I questioned him... (We can see that Justine's face is all bruised, and her lip bloodied) b*st*rd! I'll kill him for this. - You have to get out of here." Justine falls against Wes.
Wes: "You have to get to hospital."
Justine: "No. I just to do..." Justine pulls out a knife and slices it across the side of Wes neck. Wes falls to his knees, pressing one hand over the cut, as Justine pulls the baby out of his grip. Wes watches Justine run to the car, put Connor in the passenger side then get in the driver's side, before toppling over onto his side. Blood is seeping through between his fingers as he lies there, watching her drive off.
Gunn: "It doesn't make any sense. Why would Wes *do* a thing like that? You must have read him wrong."
Lorne: "No, I read him right. And I've got the gash on my noggin to prove it."
Fred hangs up the phone: "He isn't answering his cell, pager, or home."
Angel: "Where is he?" One of Holtz' guys, hand pressed over his side is inching along the floor.
Lorne: "Shouldn't we be getting these guys to a hospital or morgue?"
Angel: "No. - Holtz knew Connor wasn't here when he walked through that door. He would have torn the place apart top to bottom. He was stalling."
Lorne: "Buying Wesley some time to get away."
Angel: "Holtz is the key. I want Holtz. If I find Wesley with him..."
Gunn: "Angel, we don't know the whole story here. I don't think you should get too pumped..."
Angel: "I'm not interested in what you think!"
Lorne: "Hey, easy guys!"
Angel: "He took my son."
Gunn: "I know this is life and death. I'm just saying, let's get..." Angel grabs Gunn's shirt collar with both hands and pushes him back.
Angel: "He took my son!"
Gunn: "You better get your damn hands off of me!"
Fred: "Stop it! Stop it both of you! This isn't helping, damn it! (Pushes them apart) Back off! - There is only one thing that matters right now, and that is 'where is Connor?'" Gunn and Angel stand there staring at each other for a moment, then Angel brushes past Fred and Gunn to pull up one of Holtz' men.
Angel: "Get up. Where is Holtz?"
1.Guy: "You'd think I'd tell..." Angel throws him clear across the lobby and picks up the next one. Angel pushes him up against the wall, pulls the crossbow bolt out of his side and holds it up.
Angel: "I'm gonna count to three and then I'm gonna bury this in your face."
2.Guy: "Twenty two thirty nine Santa Elena. It's a big Victorian in Silverlake." Angel lets the guy drop to the floor and heads towards the door, picking his broadsword up off the floor as he goes.
Fred: "We better find Wes before he does."
Gunn: "We should start at his place." Lorne watches Gunn and Fred hurry out.
Lorne: "I'll stay here in case he comes back." Bends down behind the counter and comes up holding a baseball bat.
Lorne: "And this time I'll be ready!" We see a group of paramilitaries with machine guns. A black suburban pulls up. One of the uniformed guys opens the passenger door and Lilah steps out.
Man: "Ma'am." Lilah walks over to the commander of the group.
Lilah: "What do we know?"
Commander: "No Holtz, no baby. (Indicates to guys, sitting, tied up, on a low wall) Two stragglers from the attack at Angel's hotel. They don't know where Holtz went."
Lilah: "Get them off the street." The commander motions to his men and they lead the two guys away.
Lilah: "So we're in the right place."
Commander: "Yeah."
Lilah looks at him: "Excuse me?"
Commander after half a beat: "Yes, ma'am. But Holtz didn't come back here after the hotel."
Lilah: "Where'd he go?"
Commander: "Uh, we had him, and we lost him. (Puts a finger up to his ear piece) Ah, we're picking him up again. Please, just give me a moment, please. - Spring Street."
Lilah: "Downtown."
Commander: "Yes, ma'am. Near the sixth street bridge."
Lilah: "Let's go."
Commander: "Sixth Street Bridge, let's go!" All the men run to their vehicles.
Man: "Let's go! Hustle! Hustle!" As one of the commandos gets ready to get into his Hum-vee, Angel jumps out from behind a tree, smashes him into a post, then a tree, knocking him out. The driver of the Hum-vee looks over towards the passenger side when his partner doesn't get in. The driver's side door opens and Angel throws him out on the street, gets in and drives off after the rest of the cavalcade. Holtz steps out onto a darkened street and Justine bring Wes' car to a stop in front of him. Holtz gets in.
Holtz: "It went well?"
Justine: "Very well. But you're paying for my dental work." Holtz smiles, then looks over his shoulder to Connor, strapped into a car seat in the back.
Holtz: "Hello, son. I'm you're father. And that strong lady with the black eye is your mother. Your name is Steven Franklin Thomas. And you're going to grow up with me on a little ranch in the middle of nowhere. (To Justine) What's it like in Utah?"
Justine: "It's pretty."
Holtz: "Let's go." They drive off, only to have a Hum-vee overtake them and cut them off. The car turns off the road, but is quickly blocked in by more Hum-vees. Angel jumps out of one of them and charges at the car. Holtz gets Connor out of the back while Justine tackles Angel only to get thrown aside.
Holtz: "Come any closer and I'll snap his neck!" Angel comes to a dead stop. All around them commandos are jumping out of their vehicles, cocking their machine guns.
Holtz: "Who are they?"
Lilah: "They work for me."
Holtz: "Ah. The attorney."
Lilah: "Yes. You are gonna give us the kid, Captain Holtz."
Angel: "Don't!"
Lilah: "That's cute. You'd rather see the fanatic with the baby than us? (To Holtz) Those are automatic weapons pointed at you. They didn't have them in your time. They fire sixteen bullets per second."
Angel: "And if they were going to use them they would have already. They want the baby alive."
Holtz: "Something we all have in common." The air shivers and Sahjhan appears.
Sahjhan: "Not all of us. (To Lilah) You do not want the child alive. You want the child dead. That was our arrangement."
Lilah: "Yeah. I'm a lawyer. Have you met me? We have a new arrangement. I'm keeping the baby."
Sahjahn: "You can't do that!"
Lilah to commandos: "Ignore the loud mouth with the bad skin. He's impotent in this dimension."
Holtz: "We're leaving."
Lilah: "No one's going anywhere." One of the commandos steps closer, and Angel knock him down, taking the weapon away from him and turning it on Lilah.
Lilah: "Don't shoot."
Angel: "Yeah. You really don't want to. Your bullets won't kill me. But mine will kill you - and her first." Angel looks over at Holtz and Connor.
Holtz: "He'll be dead before I hit the ground."
Angel: "I know."
Holtz: "So. I'm going to leave now, right? With me, he gets to live, anyone tries to take him, he dies."
Angel after a long beat: "Take him."
Sahjhan: "Woah! No! What is wrong of you people?"
Holtz to Angel: "I will take good care of him, as though he were my own son. He'll never even know you existed. Don't come after me. - You will though, won't you? Maybe I should just..."
Angel: "No. Please." Justine looks from Holtz' hand moving closer to Connor's neck to Angel and back.
Angel: "Take him."
Sahjhan, raising his hands: "Lekko najine forkahdio!" There is a big explosion with bright sparks and a hole opens in the air. Past the burning edges we can see a turbulent, blood red sky.
Sahjhan: "What you are looking into is the Quortoth, the darkest of the dark worlds. So - I can widen the portal and you can all be swallowed up by a world you can not begin to imagine - or you can keep your word and kill that child. (To Lilah) Now!" When no one moves he spreads his arms.
Sahjhan: "Don't say I didn't warn you." The opening in the air grows bigger.
Lilah: "Kill it."
Angel: "No!" The commandos and Angel stand there with the weapons aimed at each other. Holtz grabs a hold of Justine and pushes her away from him then heads for the hole in the air. Angel drops the gun and charges after him.
Justine: "Daniel! Daniel!"
Angel: "No! NO!" Holtz jumps into the roiling red air of the portal and disappears from view. Angel jumps after him, but is thrown back by a lighting bolt lashing out from the portal and hitting him full in the chest. Angel flies backward, landing with a hard thud and rolls to look back at the portal.
Sahjhan: "Wow. I didn't count on that. Kinda takes care of my problem." Both Justine and Angel are lying on the ground staring at the portal. Sahjhan raises his hands.
Sahjhan: "Forkahdio najine lekko." The hole in the air quickly shrinks to a pinpoint and disappears.
Sahjhan: "All right then. (Looks down at Angel, who is still staring at where the portal used to be) Have a good summer." With that Sahjhan disappears into thin air. Lilah, looking down at Angel, who hasn't moved: "Hmph! Well, I'm looking at a mountain of paperwork." Turns to go. Justine gets up and stumbles towards Wes' car.
Commander: "Should we do something about..."
Lilah, looking back at Angel: "Yes, we should. - We should let him suffer." Angel rolls over onto all fours and looks around him. Sees Justine drive off in Wes' car and collapses back onto the hard ground, once again facing twords where the portal used to be. "Connor." | Plan: A: Wes; Q: Who takes drastic steps to keep Connor safe? A: Angel's behavior; Q: What grows more and more erratic as Wesley struggles to come to terms with the prophecy? A: Angel Inc.; Q: What company is concerned about Angel's behavior? A: vengeance; Q: What do Holtz, Lilah and Shajhan plot against Angel? Summary: As Wesley struggles to come to terms with the prophecy, Angel's behavior grows more and more erratic. The crew at Angel Inc. is concerned as Angel's moods swing from giddy to furious with no provocation. While Holtz, Lilah and Shajhan continue to plot vengeance against Angel, Wes takes drastic steps to keep Connor safe. |
5:15pm - 5:40pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR
(The two girls get in front of the DALEK with the DOCTOR behind to push it. They look nervously down the corridor.)
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) And Susan?
SUSAN: Yes?
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) You lead us. You know the way.
SUSAN: All right.
DOCTOR: Yes.
SUSAN: This way then...
(They set off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: INT. CITY. CELL
(Behind them in the cell...)
(...the cloak starts to move. A three fingered glistening claw emerges from beneath the folds...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR
(The party proceeds down one of the narrow, slanting corridors.)
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Hey! Let go a minute!
(His companions release their hold of the machine. The arm starts to move by itself.)
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) I think I've found out how to operate this thing!
(The machine starts to move, slightly uncertainly, on its base.)
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Yes, I can! Quick, Doctor, get in front.
DOCTOR: Yes.
(He does so.)
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Ready? Off we go.
(The party sets off again, this time looking much more "realistic". They come to an intersection.)
SUSAN: Wait.
(She puts out an arm to stop BARBARA.)
SUSAN: This looks like the place.
(She mutters an instruction, walks forward slightly and peeps round the corner and then returns to her companions.)
SUSAN: There's a great iron door with a Dalek on guard. And beyond the door there's a lift.
DOCTOR: It's up to you now, Chesterton. Do as little talking as possible.
IAN: (OOV: Within casing - whispers.) All right.
(The part comes out into before the door that SUSAN spoke of. The DALEK guard swivels round as they approach.)
FIRST DALEK: Stop!
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) The Council wishes to question the prisoners.
FIRST DALEK: I have not been informed. Wait.
(The DALEK swivels back round to face a control panel. The time travellers look uncertainly at each other. SUSAN jumps forward.)
SUSAN: No! I'm not going! No!
(SUSAN is suddenly held between the arms of the two DALEKS. She gives a wink back to her companions.)
FIRST DALEK: Hold her!
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) I have got her. (To SUSAN.) Now hold still. (To the DALEK.) Help me to get them inside.
(IAN "holds" SUSAN against the wall as the real DALEK turns and opens the door by waving its arm over a sensor. It then prods SUSAN into the room.)
IAN: (OOV: Within casing - to the DOCTOR and BARBARA.) You too.
(The DOCTOR and BARBARA follow SUSAN into the lift anteroom.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. CITY. LIFT ANTEROOM
(The two DALEKS follow.)
FIRST DALEK: Shall I help you to the fourth level with them?
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) No. Close the doors. The girl can not run far inside.
(The DALEK guard leaves the room. BARBARA starts to move but the DOCTOR restrains her with one hand. He stands by the door as it slides shut and then pulls a cable out of a socket next to the door, thus disabling it.)
DOCTOR: That's fixed the door.
BARBARA: That was a very good idea, Susan.
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) He didn't hurt you?
SUSAN: No, not really.
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Well, help me to get out of this thing. I'm suffocating!
BARBARA: Right, hang on.
(The three try to work the catch at the back of the base of the dome.)
BARBARA: The clasp is stuck!
DOCTOR: Here, let me help...fix it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR
(The DALEK guard is back at the communication panel and is reporting to control.)
FIRST DALEK: I have just passed the prisoners through into lift shaft seven.
SECOND DALEK: (Over tannoy.) There are no orders to move the prisoners. Hold them.
(The DALEK swivels round to the door and presses the sensor. Nothing happens. It turns back to the control panel.)
FIRST DALEK: The door is locked. Emergency alarm!
(A wailing alarm sounds out. Almost immediately, two further DALEKS glide into view.)
SECOND DALEK: (Over tannoy.) Attention! Immobilise lift shaft seven floor area.
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. CITY. LIFT ANTEROOM
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) They know! Come on, hurry up will you!?
DOCTOR: Wait a minute! There, it's free!
SUSAN: Oh, Good!
DOCTOR: Lift it from the top.
(The three pull at the dome.)
SUSAN: Hurry up!
BARBARA: I...can't move it! It...it won't budge!
DOCTOR: Chesterton, try and force it up from the inside!
IAN: (OOV: Within casing - impatiently.) I'm trying!
(They continue their efforts.)
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) No, no. It's no good. There's something jammed inside here. Forcing it's only making it worse.
(A subdued banging noise comes from the door. SUSAN runs over to investigate.)
BARBARA: Ian, come on, hurry.
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) I...I can't move it!
(SUSAN has her hands on the door. She suddenly leaps back.)
SUSAN: Ow! Hey, the door's red hot!
(A growing pinpoint of light appears on the metal door.)
DOCTOR: They're cutting through the door!
BARBARA: (To the casing.) We'll have to move you into the lift.
DOCTOR: Yes, but hurry, hurry!
(The three start to push the casing, but it proves immovable.)
SUSAN: It's stuck!
BARBARA: I don't understand it - it moved easily enough before?
DOCTOR: They've magnetised the floor. You feel it?
BARBARA: Are you sure?
DOCTOR: Yes! (To the casing.) Chesterton, we're not able to get you into the lift!
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Yes, I realise that. Take the others away in the lift, Doctor.
BARBARA: We're not going without you...
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Don't waste time! Go on!
DOCTOR: Well, come on, he's right!
BARBARA: No! I'm not leaving Ian!
DOCTOR: (To the casing.) When we get to the top, we'll send the bift...lift back down for you. All right?
SUSAN: (Shouts.) No Grandfather, we can't!
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Go on! Go on!
SUSAN: No!
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Go on!
(The DOCTOR grabs SUSAN by the wrist and pulls her towards the door-less lift.)
DOCTOR: Come on, Susan!
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) Barbara, for goodness sake, go!
(From the lift, SUSAN points to the door.)
SUSAN: Oh look!
(The line of the arch-like cut on the door has extended further. The lift rises. The DALEK casing shakes as IAN frantically tries to escape.)
IAN: (OOV: Within casing.) I must...must...get...out!
(He continues struggling. The cut on the door grows longer in length.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR
(The DALEKS continue their task.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: INT. CITY. LIFT SHAFT
(The lift rises through the shaft to the top of the building.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. CITY. LIFT
BARBARA: How long will it take them to cut through the door?
DOCTOR: Oh, maybe then minutes. If we're lucky, longer.
SUSAN: But look, even if he does get out, he's stuck down there! His only way out is the lift! We must go back for him...
(She lunges for the lift control but the other two grab her...)
DOCTOR: Susan, it's no good. We cannot do anything for him now, child.
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: INT. CITY. LIFT SHAFT
(The lift continues to rise.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR
(The DALEKS in the corridor have almost completed their task.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. CITY. LIFT ANTEROOM
(The outline of a rough doorway is now cut through the metal.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: INT. CITY. LIFT SHAFT
(The lift is almost at the end of its journey.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: INT. CITY. OBSERVATION TOWER
(The lift reaches the top floor. The DOCTOR hits a button on the panel displaying binary floor numbers and the lift descends as the three step out.)
BARBARA: We should never have left him. It's so slow, it'll never reach him in time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. CITY. LIFT SHAFT
(The lift descends.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR
(The DALEK cutting flame continues its task.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. CITY. LIFT ANTEROOM
(The "arch" cut by the DALEKS has now almost been completed.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR
(Sparks fly out from the special cutting tool that replaces one of the DALEK'S arms.)
FIRST DALEK: It is nearly completed...
(The cutting flame has now completed all three sides of the "arch".)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: INT. CITY. LIFT ANTEROOM
(The door falls inwards.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR
(The DALEKS glide into the anteroom.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: INT. CITY. LIFT ANTEROOM
(The DALEKS fire on the casing. It explodes. One DALEK pushes the damaged top, which falls off the base.)
FIRST DALEK: It is empty.
(The three DALEKS hear a sound and look at the binary number lift indicator. The lift is ascending.)
FIRST DALEK: Lock the lift!
SECOND DALEK: The emergency switch. Bring it down!
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: INT. CITY. LIFT SHAFT
(The lift rises again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. CITY. OBSERVATION TOWER
BARBARA: Come on, Ian...come on!
IAN: (OOV: From below.) All right, I'm coming...
(The lift, with IAN in it, rises into view.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: INT. CITY. LIFT ANTEROOM
(A DALEK presses the emergency switch.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: INT. CITY. OBSERVATION TOWER
(IAN leaps out of the half-arrived lift as it starts back down the shaft and into the arms of his companions.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
25: INT. CITY. LIFT SHAFT
(The lift descends back to the waiting DALEKS.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
26: INT. CITY. OBSERVATION TOWER
IAN: They had about two inches of that door to cut through when I got out.
SUSAN: Are you all right?
IAN: Yes, thank you, Susan.
DOCTOR: Well, never mind that now, we must try and find a way out of this room.
(They walk across the room to a large oval window.)
BARBARA: Daylight!
IAN: Yes, but where exactly are we?
DOCTOR: We're right at the top of the building. I can just see the surface of the city. (Points.) See over there? There's the edge of the petrified jungle.
IAN: Yes...I'm trying to recognise the streets we came along.
BARBARA: Everything looks so different from above. Do you see anything at all that looks fa....
(She stops dead.)
IAN: What is it?
BARBARA: Ian...?
(He moves to her side.)
IAN: What's the matter?
BARBARA: There's someone down there! Look - by that sort of gateway thing beyond the low building - I saw someone cross that space!
DOCTOR: A Dalek?
BARBARA: No...it was a man. A human being!
SUSAN: The Thals - they've come for the food supplies!
DOCTOR: They're walking into an ambush!
[SCENE_BREAK]
27: INT. CITY. LIFT ANTEROOM
(A DALEK glides into the lift. It is given its orders...)
FIRST DALEK: Make no attempt to capture them. They are to be exterminated. You understand - Exterminated!
SECOND DALEK: I understand.
(The lift rises and the DALEK begins its journey.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28: INT. CITY. LIFT SHAFT
(The lift glides upwards once more.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
29: EXT. CITY. OBSERVATION TOWER
(The Time travellers frantically beating on the window and shouting to alert the Thals but from outside, not a sound of their cries can be heard.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
30: INT. CITY. OBSERVATION TOWER
(Inside, they realise that their efforts are hopeless and step away from the window.)
IAN: Oh, it's no good. This room must be soundproof. We must find a way of getting down there.
DOCTOR: Yes, but how, dear boy?
(BARBARA is on one side of the room.)
BARBARA: Isn't this a door?
IAN: Yes! Doctor, open it.
DOCTOR: Oh yes...
(The DOCTOR walks over to the sensor and waves his hand over it but nothing happens. He tries again but gets the same result.)
SUSAN: What's the matter with it?
DOCTOR: Oh, they've magnetised it too! Come on, let's try and force it open.
(IAN, SUSAN and the DOCTOR pull at the door's edge.)
IAN: I can get my fingers in...
DOCTOR: Hurry!
IAN: Yes...it's beginning to move!
(BARBARA hears a sound from the lift-shaft and goes over to investigate. She looks down into the darkness.)
BARBARA: Ian. The lift's coming back!
SUSAN: Oh no!
IAN: Doctor, keep working at the door.
(He rushes over to the lift and presses the buttons.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
31: INT. CITY. LIFT SHAFT
(His actions are useless as the lift continues to rise.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
32: INT. CITY. OBSERVATION TOWER
IAN: It's no good.
(The DOCTOR continues pulling at the door. IAN looks round the room for something to use and spots a large abstract statue. He starts to push it towards the lift)
IAN: (To SUSAN and BARBARA.) Come over here and give me a hand!
(The two girls join him. The sound of the lift gets louder.)
IAN: Quick now, all push together.
(They push the large metal object towards the open shaft as the sound of the ascending lift gets louder. The DOCTOR has managed his task.)
DOCTOR: It's open. I've got it.
SUSAN: Good!
IAN: Be right with you.
(The DOCTOR struggles to hold the door open.)
DOCTOR: Look, what are you doing?
IAN: Just cutting down the odds a bit. (To BARBARA and SUSAN.) Are you ready? Right, altogether - one...two ...three...push!
(They push the statue into the empty shaft.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
33: INT. CITY. LIFT SHAFT
(It falls towards the lift and crashes down on its top, sending it downwards.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
34: INT. CITY. LIFT ANTEROOM
(The two DALEKS glide quickly backwards as the lift debris reaches the anteroom.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
35: INT. CITY. OBSERVATION TOWER
(The group are jubilant at their success. Wasting little time, they rush over to the door that the DOCTOR'S holding partially open. IAN takes the strain from him and ushers the others through.)
IAN: All right, Doctor, through you go.
DOCTOR: Yes.
IAN: Go on.
(His three companions run through the gap. IAN is last to go through.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
36: EXT. CITY STREET
(The Thals have reached the same building that the time travellers used to enter the city. ALYDON edges round a corner and sees that all is clear. He beckons his companions on cautiously. TEMMOSUS notices his nerves.)
TEMMOSUS: You're much too suspicious.
ALYDON: Perhaps I am, Temmosus, but why should the Daleks help us?
TEMMOSUS: You've been saying that ever since their message arrived. Perhaps their offer was coldly worded, but friendship grows with time. These Daleks must have believed that they were the only survivors on this planet.
ALYDON: And are they relieved to find that they aren't? Or are they shocked and horrified - perhaps insanely jealous?
TEMMOSUS: You've no reason to say that. I think you misjudge them.
ALYDON: (Reluctantly.) Well...yes, I'm being illogical, unfair if you like, but...
(He shakes his head and walks off a few paces, troubled with his thoughts.)
ALYDON: I just have an instinct.
TEMMOSUS: Listen, we must find a new source of food. The Daleks have it, they've offered it to us. These are facts, Alydon, facts.
(ALYDON goes back to TEMMOSUS.)
ALYDON: Yes, yes, I know, but...let me talk to them.
TEMMOSUS: It's right that I should do so.
ALYDON: But supposing...
TEMMOSUS: (Slightly angry.) No Alydon! And you must throw off these suspicions. They're based on fear and fear breeds hatred...and war. I shall speak to them peacefully. (Smiles.) They'll see that I'm unarmed. There is no better argument against war than that.
(He walks away.)
ALYDON: (To himself.) Yes...if they really want to listen.
[SCENE_BREAK]
37: INT. CITY. ENTRANCE HALL
(A pile of boxes with masses of food on top lies in the centre of the entrance hall. Several DALEKS are at the edge of the hall.)
DALEK: They are approaching.
(The DALEKS glide backwards into the rooms that lead off the hallway. One in each of the doorways leading off the hall.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
38: INT. CITY CORRIDOR
(The TARDIS crew run as fast as they can down the corridor. The DOCTOR is behind, gasping for breath.)
SUSAN: Oh, Grandfather, come on! Come on, hurry!
(She grabs his arm and pulls him along. They come to a door at the end of the corridor that leads to the outside.)
BARBARA: Where are we?
IAN: By the city wall, I think. (Points.) Yes, there's a gateway about fifty yards away.
BARBARA: Are there any Daleks?
IAN: Wait there...
(He walks out of the doorway...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
39: EXT. CITY STREET
(...into the open and looks around.)
IAN: No...no, I think we're all right.
DOCTOR: Well, let's head back to the ship.
SUSAN: No, no, I must warn the Thals...
DOCTOR: Susan...
SUSAN: We can't let them walk into a trap.
DOCTOR: The Thals are no concern of ours. We cannot jeopardise our lives getting involved in an affair which is none of our business.
BARBARA: (Angrily.) Of course it's our business! The Thals gave us the anti-radiation drug. Without that, we'd be dead.
IAN: Yes, but the Doctor's got a point. There's no sense in risking our whole party.
SUSAN: No!
IAN: You go back to the ship and...I'll stay and warn the Thals.
SUSAN: No, we're all in this together! We're all going to stay here.
IAN: Susan, you do as I say! You go back to the ship with Barbara and your Grandfather. Go on!
SUSAN: (Upset.) But don't you understand...
BARBARA: Susan, I know what Ian means. He stands a much better chance on his own if he doesn't have us to worry about. Now come on.
(SUSAN starts to protest but BARBARA drags her along with the DOCTOR.)
BARBARA: We'll wait for you.
IAN: I'll be there.
(The DOCTOR gives him a pat on the shoulder and moves off with the women.)
DOCTOR: Good luck, Chesterton.
IAN: Thank you. Go on.
(He turns back and re-enters the building.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
40: INT. CITY. ENTRANCE HALL
(The DALEKS await the Thals. An alarm sounds and they retreat even further behind the doors, out of sight. Slowly, the Thals, lead by TEMMOSUS, enter the hallway.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
41: INT. CITY. CORRIDOR
(IAN runs at full pace down the corridor and arrives just outside the entrance hall.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
42: INT. CITY. ENTRANCE HALL
(All the Thals enter the hallway and stand looking at the food. One of the hidden DALEKS raises its weapon.)
TEMMOSUS: Daleks? Can you hear me? Daleks, the Thal people wish to live in peace...
(IAN arrives, unseen by either the DALEKS or the Thals at the edge of the hall. He listens to TEMMOSUS'S words, all the time wary for what could happen.)
TEMMOSUS: If this is your wish too, then let us work together to rebuild our world...we need your help...and in return we'll make the soil live again. Grow crops, build homes. The time for enmity is past. If this is the kind of future that you want, then send for us and we shall talk. If you cannot decided now... (Pauses.) ...we have been waiting for centuries, we shall go on waiting.
(The DALEKS start to emerge from the doorways but TEMMOSUS has his back to them. He indicates the food and speaks to the Thals.)
TEMMOSUS: Take these things.
(IAN sees the DALEKS. He rushes forward.)
IAN: No, It's a trap! Get out of here! Run!
DALEK: Fire!
(TEMMOSUS is hit at point blank range. His body arches in agony, then collapses on top of the food pile. One DALEK turns and fires at IAN. He ducks behind a wall, which is hit by the blast and turns the wall to molten metal. The Thals turn and run, followed by the DALEKS, firing as they go.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
43: EXT. CITY STREET
(ALYDON has made it outside and hides behind a doorway as DALEKS glide past in pursuit.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
44: INT. CITY. ENTRANCE HALL
(Back in the entrance hall, one DALEK glances down at the body of TEMMOSUS as it glides past.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
45: EXT. CITY STREET
(IAN emerges through a door and runs into ALYDON.)
IAN: Who are you?
ALYDON: I am Alydon. You...you are the man who warned us?
IAN: Yes. I'm sorry I was late.
ALYDON: Yes, our...our leader, Temmosus, is dead.
IAN: I know, I saw it.
ALYDON: Why? Why kill him? They...they didn't even know him.
IAN: We can't stand here discussing it. Get yourself and your men away from here. Come on.
(They run off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
46: EXT. FOREST
(At the Thal encampment, a female Thal walks up to ELYON who is on look-out with KRISTAS. She looks up at him in question.)
ELYON: No, not yet.
(She turns away. Outside the TARDIS, the DOCTOR is sat with DYONI who is showing him the contents of a small metal case. He is looking through his glasses at a set of hexagonal discs laid on the ground.)
DOCTOR: Fascinating, absolutely fascinating! You know, these records must go back nearly a half a million years.
DYONI: The complete history of our planet Skaro is here. It seems now that no one will survive to read it.
DOCTOR: Oh nonsense, young lady! Your survival is...is all here!
(He points at part of a star map on several of the discs.)
DOCTOR: What, er...is this a solar system?
DYONI: Yes. Skaro is the twelfth planet... (Points.) ...here.
DOCTOR: I see. And this... (Points.) ...this, what is this planet?
DYONI: Each of these maps is a tiny section of another solar system, so a total picture can be built up.
DOCTOR: Total? Oh, you have records of other systems?
DYONI: Yes. Well, I...I say total. Of course, we were only able to map out as far as our electroscopes allowed.
DOCTOR: Yes, I see. I wonder if I could see the plans?
DYONI: Oh, yes.
DOCTOR: (To himself.) I might be able to fix our position.
(DYONI sets more of the discs on the ground.)
DOCTOR: Ah, yes, yes! Absorbing...most absorbing! Yes!
(Several feet away, IAN has rejoined SUSAN and BARBARA. The young girl laughs at the DOCTOR'S interest.)
SUSAN: (To BARBARA.) Grandfather seems to be enjoying himself.
(ALYDON runs up to IAN.)
ALYDON: Some of the children have heard something moving in the forest.
IAN: They can't be the Daleks. They told us they couldn't come out of the city.
ALYDON: Nevertheless, I think we should all be on our guard.
(The two look-out Thals cry out.)
ELYON: Here they are!
KRISTAS: Antodus has been wounded!
(One dead Thal is carried in on a stretcher, ANTODUS is carried in by GANATUS.)
GANATUS: We had to go round the other side of the city.
ALYDON: Is he badly hurt?
(Nearby a woman can be heard weeping over the body of the dead Thal.)
GANATUS: It's his shoulder.
DYONI: I'll get some ointment and something to cover the burns.
SUSAN: Oh, we've got some in the ship.
DYONI: There's some over here.
(The two girls run off.)
GANATUS: We tried to go back for Temmosus.
ALYDON: Temmosus?
(There are mutters from the assembled Thals of "What happened" and "Who'll lead us now? At the same time as ALYDON speaks.)
GANATUS: It was hopeless.
(ALYDON gestures to IAN and BARBARA.)
ALYDON: These are the people the Daleks were holding prisoner. And this is the man who shouted to warn us.
GANATUS: (To IAN and BARBARA.) Thank you. (To ALYDON.) Did the others get away, Alydon?
(ALYDON shakes his head.)
ALYDON: Tacanda was killed.
(There are gasps of his name from others.)
ALYDON: The rest of us escaped.
(DYONI arrives with the ointment. BARBARA takes it and begins to put it on ANTODUS.)
BARBARA: The burns don't seem to be too bad.
DYONI: I'll get some water for him too. (To BARBARA.) Can you manage?
BARBARA AND SUSAN: Yes.
(DYONI leaves.)
GANATUS: Have you decided what we're going to do, Alydon? You must take the place of Temmosus now.
ALYDON: Yes, yes, I know.
(He sits down.)
ALYDON: If only I knew why the Daleks hated us. If I knew that, I...I could alter our approach to them perhaps...
IAN: Your leader, Temmosus?
ALYDON: Yes?
IAN: Well, he appealed very sensibly to them. Any reasonable human beings would have responded to him. The Daleks didn't. They obviously think and act and feel in an entirely different way. They just aren't human.
GANATUS: Yes, but why destroy without any apparent thought or reason? That's what I don't understand.
IAN: Oh, there's a reason. Explanation might be better. It's stupid and ridiculous, but it's the only one that fits.
ALYDON: What?
IAN: A dislike for the unlike.
ALYDON: (Puzzled.) But...I don't follow you.
IAN: They're afraid of you because you're different from them. So, whatever you do, it doesn't matter.
DYONI: What would you have us do...fight against them?
IAN: I didn't say that. But you must teach them to respect you. Show them some strength.
DYONI: (Sharply.) But you really believe we ought to fight?
IAN: Yes, I think it may have to come to that.
DYONI: (Angrily.) You understand as little about us as the Daleks do!
IAN: (To ALYDON.) What would you do if the Daleks could leave their city? If they came up here and attacked you?
ALYDON: We would go away, back to our plateau where we came from.
BARBARA: You'd simply run away?
(ALYDON cannot find the answer to that and he gets up and walks a few paces away.)
IAN: Alydon, you can't go on running away. There are some things worth preserving.
GANATUS: We're not afraid to die - Temmosus proved that!
IAN: I am not talking about dying! Look, you can't hand yourselves over to the Daleks! Sooner or later, they're going to try and destroy you if they can.
ALYDON: I can see you want to help us. But as Dyoni says, you...you don't understand. There can never be any question of the Thals fighting the Daleks. Come, Ganatus.
(The Thals walk off.)
BARBARA: I don't understand them . They're not cowards. They don't seem to be afraid. Can pacifism become a human instinct?
IAN: Pacifism? Is that it? Pacifism only works when everybody feels the same.
BARBARA: Yes, but are they really pacifists? I mean, genuinely so? Or is it a belief that's become a reality because they've never had to prove it?
(IAN is about to reply when the DOCTOR walks up to them with several of the discs.)
DOCTOR: I say, I say, I think these will interest you.
(He hands one of the discs to BARBARA.)
DOCTOR: Look here. This is these people's ancestors - the original Thal male.
(The image of the plate is of a Viking type warrior.)
DOCTOR: There was a neutron war here. Most died, and the survivors mutated. But in the case of the Thals, mutation came round in full circle then refined itself into what you see.
(IAN looks from the disc to ALYDON on the other side of the encampment.)
IAN: You mean, this became...?
(He nods at a passing Thal.)
DOCTOR: Yes, yes! It took hundreds of years, of course. In the second example - our recent hosts - the mutation has not completed its full circle. Why I...I...I...I...I don't know. But do you remember that monstrosity we took out of its machine?
IAN: Yes.
(The DOCTOR hands over another disc.)
DOCTOR: This is its forebear.
IAN: The original Dalek.
DOCTOR: Yes. They called them Dals then. Oh, it's all there, every moment of its Skaroene history. Minutely but brilliantly recorded. Priceless, absolutely priceless.
BARBARA: Is this a sword the Thal's holding?
DOCTOR: Yes, they were the warriors then.
BARBARA: (Amazed.) Were they?
DOCTOR: Undoubtedly.
(SUSAN comes up to her three companions.)
SUSAN: Hey, Antodus is feeling much better.
DOCTOR: Oh, I'm very glad to hear that he's improving. Well now, I'm sure you'll all agree with me that it's time we went back to the ship. Now come along...
SUSAN: Oh, Grandfather, couldn't we stay a bit longer? The Thals are such nice people.
DOCTOR: And the Daleks are not, which is more important, my child.
(A group of Thals walk past in a funeral type procession. They are carrying the corpse of one of the Thals. The four time travellers watch the sight.)
IAN: I wonder if there's any point in reminding the Thals of what they used to be?
DOCTOR: Why?
BARBARA: Oh, they're opposed to fighting. We were trying to convince them that it was a necessity for their own survival.
DOCTOR: But our fate doesn't rest with the Thals, surely. Let's leave well alone. We have ourselves to worry about. Now, come along, come along...
(He walks off.)
IAN: Maybe the Doctor's right.
BARBARA: Yes. Lets get in the ship and get as far away from here as possible.
(They head towards the TARDIS.)
DOCTOR: (Impatiently.) Oh please, Come along. (To IAN.) Oh, er, by the way, let me have the fluid link, will you?
(IAN reaches into his pocket for it but is empty handed.)
DOCTOR: Oh, dear boy, now please, please, come along, I...you know I can't start the ship without it.
(IAN goes pale.)
IAN: The fluid link...
SUSAN: You've lost it?
BARBARA: Ian, you can't have!
IAN: (Quietly.) No. The Daleks took it from me when they searched me. It's down there somewhere...in the city.
(BARBARA and SUSAN look with horror at a furious DOCTOR.) | Plan: A: The TARDIS; Q: What has brought the travellers to the planet Skaro? A: two indigenous races; Q: Who do the Doctor and his companions meet on the planet Skaro? A: the Daleks; Q: Who are the Thals fighting with? A: armoured travel machines; Q: What are the Daleks encased in? A: the Thals; Q: Who do the Doctor and his companions convince to fight for their own survival? A: pacifist principles; Q: What do the Thals have? A: their own survival; Q: What do the Thals need to fight for? A: a two-pronged attack; Q: What type of attack did the Thals launch on the Daleks? A: the Dalek city; Q: What do the Thals attack? A: The Daleks; Q: Who are killed when their power supply is cut off? Summary: The TARDIS has brought the travellers to the planet Skaro where they meet two indigenous races - the Daleks, malicious mutant creatures encased in armoured travel machines, and the Thals, beautiful humanoids with pacifist principles. They convince the Thals of the need to fight for their own survival. Joining forces with them and braving Skaro's many dangers, they launch a two-pronged attack on the Dalek city. The Daleks are all killed when, during the course of the fighting, their power supply is cut off. |
RECAP
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene from 8x06: Kill Billie: Vol. 1]
BILLIE: The night my sister was taken... (Flash to a demon taking Billie's
sister and flying out of the window.) It was raining outside. That was the last time I ever saw her.
PAIGE: (voice-over)
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
[Scenes from 8x15: The Last Temptation of Christy]
(Piper and Billie talk about Christy being with them.)
PIPER: It's only been a couple of days.
BILLIE: Yeah, well, what if I never get through to her?
PIPER: The only thing you can really do is just be there for her.
(Billie comforting Christy.)
BILLIE: Christy, it's okay. You're safe now. You're gonna be okay.
[Scene from 8x10: Vaya Con Leos]
(The Angel of Destiny talking to the sisters.)
ANGEL OF DESTINY: There's one more battle on the horizon for you three. One
unlike you've ever faced before, one you won't see coming, and one you may not survive.
PIPER: (shakes her head) What does that have to do with Leo?
[Scenes from 8x15: The Last Temptation of Christy]
(Henry proposing to Paige.)
HENRY: I faced demons and-- and fireballs, magical suitors, orbing... I mean, I
think I passed the test, right?
PAIGE: What test?
HENRY: Paige, will you marry me?
PAIGE: Yes.
(Billie helping Christy master her powers.)
BILLIE: Your powers are a blessing, Christy. They're a gift. They're a great
thing to have.
CHRISTY: They scare me.
[Robin says: this part of the scene has not been kept in the final cut of the
(Piper and Phoebe talking about Christy.)
PIPER: She's the Key, and whatever that means, it can't be good.
PHOEBE: Well, maybe it is. I mean, maybe she's here to help us fight whatever
comes next, you know? Maybe they both are.
(The Triad materializing in magic school.)
ASMODEUS (TRIAD): She's in position. We're almost there.
PROLOGUE
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MANOR - KITCHEN - DAY]
(Open on a chocolate heart cake. Camera moves up to Piper. She's kneading bread while talking to Phoebe on the phone.)
PIPER: Well, we haven't made much progress here, either. The whole Christy- ultimate-power thing has got me kinda stumped. INTERCUT WITH:
[INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - BEDROOM - DAY]
(Phoebe's getting clothes from her closet for Christy to try them on. Christy's in front of the mirror, tottering in high heels. Billie's next to her, assisting her.)
PHOEBE: Piper, relax. You sound so stressed, don't worry. We'll figure it out. You're like hyperventilating.
PIPER: I'm not hyperventilating, I'm kneading dough, dodo!
PHOEBE: You're kneading bread?!
PIPER: Uh, yeah! You are talking to a former chef, you know. Don't act so surprised.
(Piper picks up a set of plates and heads...)
[INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(...to the dining room. She puts the stack on the table. The table's decorated with an enormous "Henry and Paige" floral centerpiece and tons of flowers.)
PHOEBE: Look, sweetie, are you sure you're okay with this? Throwing Paige an engagement party without...
PIPER: (arranging flowers) Are you kidding? It's exactly what Leo would want us to do. Besides, Paige deserves what Leo and I had.
PHOEBE: And you will have that again, and soon as we figure out what we're up against.
PIPER: Well, until then, someone in this family is going to have a normal happy wedding engagement, party and all. Speaking of which, how's the, uh, Christy project going?
PHOEBE: Actually, it's going really well. This morning, we mastered the art of walking in high heels, and now, we're just picking out an outfit. (To Billie) Try that one. (To Piper) And we're gonna go for a little test run at a café, you know? See how it goes.
PIPER: Great, because demons attacking at the party, I can handle, but Christy eating with her hands, I cannot handle.
PHOEBE: Don't worry, she will be totally, totally ready by tomorrow night.
(Billie gives Christy a dress, who examines it apprehensively.)
PIPER: Thank you.
(Christy clumsily tries to put the dress on, but she loses her balance.)
(Christy squeaks and falls.)
PIPER: What? What happened?
(Flash to...)
[INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR]
(A half-vanquished demon appears and screams in pain on the ground, burning. He finally bursts into flame in front of Xar and his henchdemon, Takar.)
XAR: I suppose letting him escape half alive was meant to send a message.
TAKAR: Yes, that's it's suicide to go up against the Triad. We can't afford to lose any more demons, Xar.
XAR: Well, there might be another way.
TAKAR: What about retreating deeper into the underworld?
XAR: If the Triad gets the ultimate power, nowhere will be safe.
TAKAR: But we can't even get them out of magic school now, let alone destroy them. We are not strong enough to stop them.
XAR: No. But The Charmed Ones might be. Perhaps we can get them to destroy the Triad for us.
[OPENING CREDITS]
PART ONE
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY]
(Paige is flipping through the Book of Shadows. Piper comes in.)
PIPER: What are you doing here? I thought you were going ring shopping with
Henry.
PAIGE: Oh. Yeah, I was supposed to, but, you know, I figured, what with the key to the ultimate power over at Phoebe's, I should take this time just to, you know, kinda check things out, and...
PIPER: This is your wedding ring we're taking about.
PAIGE: (annoyed) I know. I'm not getting married tomorrow. I've got some time.
PIPER: But still, when a girl isn't the least bit giddy about ring shopping, that usually means something's very wrong.
PAIGE: You know, maybe I'm just not one of those kind of "whoo" wedding girls that goes crazy about the whole thing. Did you ever think of that?
PIPER: I think you have a classic case of cold feet.
PAIGE: I don't have cold feet, because... because I'm crazy for Henry. I am. Crazy for him. Love him.
PIPER: Okay, yeah, sure. I believe you, and I love Leo too, but that doesn't mean I didn't get knots in my stomach the moment I said yes.
PAIGE: (comforted) You did, really?
PIPER: (nods) Mm-hmm. It's perfectly normal.
PAIGE: Well... is it normal to fight about every little thing?
PIPER: Actually, yes. Look, you just need to relax and spend a little time together, and talk it out, and, you know, listen. That's always a good thing.
PAIGE: I could probably do some more listening than I've been doing.
PIPER: You should kind of give it a try.
PAIGE: Okay. I will. I will call him right after I'm done checking on some things.
PIPER: No, you need to get your butt out of here! Go. The demons will show up eventually. They always do. (Piper grins. Convinced, Paige heads towards the stairs.) Good luck!
(Flash to...)
[INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR]
(Xar's munching a huge round loaf of bread while his henchdemon Takar is busy shoving spoonfuls of gruel into his mouth.)
XAR: I'd rather die than spend eternity hiding out in some dingy cave while the Triad luxuriates up at magic school. Their resurfacing after so long away opens old wounds.
TAKAR: They were wrong to have excommunicated you, Xar.
XAR: And it will be their downfall.
TAKAR: I have no doubt. Still...
XAR: I know their weakness, what they so desperately want: to kill The Charmed Ones, and shift the balance of power from good to evil. And the fact they just took over magic school tells me they're close.
TAKAR: All the more reason to stay away, I think.
XAR: But... if The Charmed Ones knew the Triad was back, they'd want them vanquished as much as I do. We just have to find a way to get them the message. Or rather, you'll have to find a way.
TAKAR: Ugh... Still, with all due respect, maybe we should wait, see how things play out--
XAR: No! We need to take out the Triad now, before they get the ultimate power.
(Flash to...)
[EXT. SIDEWALK CAFÉ - DAY]
(Christy is ripping at her chicken leg with both hands, chewing noisily. She has barbecue sauce all over her chin.)
(Phoebe and Billie are shamefaced...)
(...while the other diners stare at her.)
CHRISTY: (busy munching noisily) Mmm...
(Phoebe's had enough.)
PHOEBE: Okay! Utensils.
CHRISTY: (sheepishly) Right. Sorry.
BILLIE: No, it's okay. You're doing-- you're doing fine. You know, honey, you
have a little-- something-- everywhere. It's fine. (Christy tries to wipe her mouth with her sleeve.) You know, um, why don't we just stick to liquids?
CHRISTY: I'm a freak. I'm never gonna get this.
BILLIE: Ohh... No, I-- you were raised by demons for fifteen years. You can't expect to get all this in one week. Just eat your salad.
PHOEBE: Yeah, just... relax. Relax. Concentrate.
(Christy concentrates on her plate of food, and sets it ablaze.)
(Phoebe gasps.)
BILLIE: Oh, my goodness!
PHOEBE: Goodness. Okay. Okay, that's not--
(Phoebe empties her glass of water on the plate, extinguishing the fire.)
BILLIE: Well...
PHOEBE: Maybe this was a little premature.
BILLIE: (nods vehemently) Yeah, we need to leave. Now.
PHOEBE: Okay. I'm gonna give you money...
BILLIE: Thank you.
PHOEBE: And... I'm gonna go run some errands, and I'll meet you at the house,
okay? You're gonna get this. I promise.
(Phoebe rapidly walks away.)
(Christy pouts sheepishly.)
[EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY]
(Phoebe, walking down the sidewalk, is so busy rifling through her bag she bumps into a man.)
PHOEBE: Oh!
COOP: Sorry.
PHOEBE: (distracted) It's okay, don't worry about it.
(Phoebe keeps on walking.)
COOP: My fault.
(Billie watched the whole scene with great interest and runs after Phoebe.)
BILLIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey! Hey, missy!
PHOEBE: (turns to Billie) What?
BILLIE: Hello?
PHOEBE: What?
BILLIE: That guy was totally hot. He was checking you out. What are you doing?
PHOEBE: He was? I didn't even see him.
BILLIE: I know. That's why I came over here.
PHOEBE: Okay, let's just focus on Christy. Otherwise, we're going to have to
deal with the wrath of Piper.
[INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM - DAY]
(Piper enters the room with a tray filled with champagne glasses while Billie is teaching Christy how to toast.)
PIPER: Nobody touch these, I don't want smudges!
BILLIE: And then, we clink.
(Billie clinks with Christy.)
PIPER: (to Billie) You need to wash those. I don't know if I ordered enough.
CHRISTY: Why clink?
BILLIE: You know, I don't really know, it's just kind of a thing. Okay, and now,
we sip.
(Christy drinks it all in one gulp and coughs.)
BILLIE: That was-- that was really nice. I should've told you what sip meant.
(Christy wipes her mouth with her sleeve again.) It's okay. No! Don't use-- napkin! Napkin.
(Christy rips the cloth napkin under the champagne glasses, shattering them.)
PIPER: Aah!
BILLIE: Ohh... at least there aren't any smudges.
PIPER: That's all right. I got it. I got it. I got it.
(Christy's already moved on and is now fiddling with salad tongs.)
BILLIE: (sighs) Yes, these, my friend, are salad tongs. You kinda dig in there
and pull the salad out. Don't use your fingers.
(Christy nods. The doorbell rings.)
PIPER: I got it. (Piper protectively grabs a vase to protect it from Christy's
destructive rampage.) Those are the tables. I got it.
(Piper walks out with the vase.)
(Christy grabs a corkscrew and plays with it. It's a lot of fun.)
CHRISTY: What's this do?
[INT. MANOR - FOYER/MAIN HALL - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Piper opens the door.)
PIPER: Okay, uh, Rick, you can just put those on the...
(But it's not a delivery. It's the demons Takar and Ciril, dressed up as police officers.)
TAKAR: Piper Halliwell?
PIPER: (putting down the vase) Yes? Is there a problem?
TAKAR: We just wanted to make sure you're all right. Can we, uh, come in?
PIPER: Uh... why wouldn't I be all right?
(Takar and Ciril both take a timid step in.)
TAKAR: Have you noticed any suspicious activity lately around your home?
PIPER: What is this about, exactly?
CIRIL: We got word there might be an attempt on your life.
PIPER: What?! By who?
TAKAR: You, uh... you've come across them before.
(Billie and Christy enter the foyer to see what is going on.)
PIPER: "Them"? Who are you guys?
(Paige walks down the stairs, holding a phone.)
PAIGE: Ugh! Can someone please tell me if it is normal to argue with somebody
about whether you should eat before or after you buy wedding bands?
BILLIE: (to Christy) Hey, who are they?
(Christy starts concentrating on the two demons.)
(Takar gets increasingly restless.)
TAKAR: Look, this is a friendly visit. We're just here to warn you that there
are... beings who you thought you dealt with but haven't.
PIPER: (raising eyebrows) Beings? Wait a second.
CHRISTY: They're demons!
TAKAR: The Triad's back! Beware! (Ciril freaks out and throws a fireball at Piper. She gasps and swiftly dodges it. The fireball crashes in the vase, destroying it.)
(Piper blasts Ciril, but misses.)
(Ciril throws another fireball at Billie and Christy. They duck. It whizzes above them, crashes in the centerpiece and sets it ablaze.)
(Paige rushes to Christy.)
PAIGE: Gotta get you out of here.
CHRISTY: (concentrating) Wait.
(As Ciril is about to hurl a third fireball, Christy grabs her temples and blasts him.)
BILLIE: Sweet!
(Terrified, Takar shimmers out.)
PIPER: Did he just say Triad?!
[SCENE_BREAK]
PART TWO
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MANOR - KITCHEN - DAY]
CHRISTY: I don't know. I didn't recognize them. I just got a hit they were
demons.
BILLIE: Gotta love that telepathy.
PAIGE: It's too bad your power just won't tell us what they want.
BILLIE: Well, they don't want Christy, thank god.
PAIGE: I think they were coming to tell us about the Triad.
PIPER: Who are supposedly dead. We thought Cole vanquished them years ago.
CHRISTY: Are they dangerous?
PIPER: Very.
PAIGE: I'm not really understanding, though. Why would demons come to warn us about other demons? Yeah, I probably should just go check the book--
PIPER: No. I can do the research. You need to talk to your fiance. We have enough firepower down here.
PAIGE: Don't say the F word.
BILLIE: Firepower?
PIPER: Go.
PAIGE: Maybe we should call the whole thing off. I mean, everything's so crazy--
PIPER: (overlapping) Don't even think about it! Listen. The party is on, dude.
PAIGE: Dude... the house is a mess.
PIPER: And what else is new, okay? (to Billie and Christy) You two need to go hang out at Phoebe's until we know... something.
PAIGE: Come on, I'll take you.
PIPER: And then, you need to go straight to Henry, because I ain't throwing you an engagement party if you ain't engaged.
PAIGE: Don't threaten me.
(Flash to...)
[INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR]
(Xar's holding an athame dangerously near Takar's throat.)
XAR: How could you fail?
TAKAR: We didn't... exactly. We-- we warned them about the Triad, we just didn't
get a chance to elaborate.
XAR: Ciril was incinerated by a Charmed One?
TAKAR: No, by another witch. Same one who knew that we were demons. They seemed very protective of her.
XAR: (intrigued) Explain.
TAKAR: They risked themselves so she wouldn't get hurt, even though she didn't look like she needed much protection.
XAR: Interesting. A strange, powerful witch appears in The Charmed Ones' lives, just as the Triad is close to achieving its goal. I wonder if she's the one.
TAKAR: I don't follow.
XAR: When I was one of them, they spoke of going after the coming power, the ultimate power.
TAKAR: And you think that might be her?
XAR: If she is, we need to get her away from The Charmed Ones fast.
TAKAR: But then they'd come after us.
XAR: Not if they think the Triad took her. Then they'd go after them.
(Flash to...)
[EXT. SAN FRANCISCO - STREET - DAY]
(Henry is contemplating the window of a jewelry store.)
(Paige gets out of her car and runs to Henry.)
PAIGE: Hey. Oh, my god, I'm so sorry, I'm late. Oh, no! The store's closed.
HENRY: Yeah. Yeah. Hey, don't worry, though, I got to watch another couple pick
up their band, it was-- it was really beautiful.
PAIGE: So sorry. Right after we hung up, these demons attacked us, and--
HENRY: Wait-- demons? Are you okay?
PAIGE: Yeah, we're fine. They were, in their own special way, coming to warn us about this group called the Triad we thought were dead, but apparently aren't, which is kind of freaking us out a little bit. I'll explain more about that little thing later.
HENRY: Paige, look, if you have too much going on, if you can't deal with this wedding right now...
PAIGE: No, of course I can deal with the wedding, and picking up bands, and, you know, dealing with toothpaste caps and snoring and...
HENRY: Uh... snoring?
PAIGE: It's nothing.
HENRY: Didn't sound like nothing.
(Henry and Paige start walking side by side down the sidewalk.)
PAIGE: Well, every couple has their little quirks, their issues.
HENRY: Issues? Are you talking about not nailing down the wedding day, or are
you talking about not having a guest list?
PAIGE: Okay, by guest list, you're saying you're not really interested in just having a barefoot, on the beach, wedding in Fiji?
HENRY: What? No, because I would like to lift a wedding veil, not a mosquito net when I'm gonna kiss you.
PAIGE: (forced laugh) Does every couple go through this?
HENRY: Hold on now. I wanna go back to the small issue here of toothpaste.
PAIGE: What? You don't put the cap back on!
HENRY: (scoffs) Okay, well you squeeze from the middle!
PAIGE: Uhh! By the way, I'm not wearing a veil.
HENRY: Why? How can you get married without wearing a veil?
PAIGE: Well, if you want one so much, why don't you wear it?
HENRY: I-- I...
[INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - DAY]
(Billie is doing Christy's makeup.)
CHRISTY: It's funny, I remember doing this to you when we were little.
BILLIE: Oh, really?
CHRISTY: Yeah. Manicure, pedicure, the works. We had fun playing dress-up.
BILLIE: Well, I think I was a little young to remember, but I have to say, I
know you lived in a cave and it was terrible, but it did wonders for your complexion.
(Phoebe comes in the room with a necklace. She puts it around Christy's neck.)
PHOEBE: There you go. Oh, sweetie, you look so beautiful.
BILLIE: She's a total babe.
PHOEBE: You are a total knockout.
(The door opens and Coop barges in.)
COOP: Oh, whoops. This isn't right. (Recognizing Phoebe) Hey... hey, I saw you
at the café earlier, didn't I?
PHOEBE: (defensive) Yes, you did, which makes me wonder even more what you're doing in my house!
COOP: Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. I'm new here. Must have gotten off on the wrong floor.
BILLIE: (lifts a finger) An understandable mistake.
PHOEBE: Why did your key work?
COOP: (not overly concerned) Hmm. I don't know. That's a weird one.
PHOEBE: (nods pointedly) Mmm.
COOP: I have to talk to the broker about that. Hmm. Anyway, ladies, I apologize. Have a wonderful evening. Listen, if you ever need anything, I live right below you, so don't hesitate. Even if it is just for a... cup of sugar or something.
(Coop closes the door.)
PHOEBE: Mm-hmm.
BILLIE: Okay. Blowing that hot guy off once, maybe. But he just landed in your
apartment, and you let him leave?
PHOEBE: You have to admit, that's kind of suspicious! I-- I mean, you must've got some sort of vibe off him, did you?
CHRISTY: No. I thought he was cute.
BILLIE: Yeah.
PHOEBE: Please, what do you know? You were raised by demons, for god's sakes.
BILLIE: All right, whatever. Come on, let's go try this dress on.
(Christy takes the dress out of Billie's hands.)
CHRISTY: Excuse me, I think I can dress myself by now.
PHOEBE: Oh.
BILLIE: Oh.
(Christy walks to the bedroom.)
BILLIE: Well, that's progress. A little snippy, but progress.
[INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - BEDROOM - DAY]
(Christy swings the door shut, revealing Xar silently standing in the corner dressed as a member of the Triad. Christy barely has enough time to gasp before Xar smacks her violently, sending her flying all the way across the bedroom, splintering a pole of Phoebe's canopy bed.)
[INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - DAY]
(The noise alerts Phoebe and Billie.)
BILLIE: Christy?
(They rush to the bedroom.)
[INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - BEDROOM - DAY]
(As they open the door, Xar melts out, the unconscious Christy in his arms.)
PHOEBE: The Triad.
[SCENE_BREAK]
PART THREE
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY]
BILLIE: How did this happen? I mean, why couldn't I stop him?
PHOEBE: Because you just couldn't. I couldn't either. He was in there waiting
for her.
PIPER: And you're sure it was the Triad?
PHOEBE: Well, it's not the kind of robe you find at Nordstrom's, you know.
PIPER: So I don't understand. The guys that kidnapped her fifteen years ago were just front men?
PHOEBE: Well, it kind of makes sense, especially if she's the Key to the power.
PIPER: Which if the Triad gets, we're screwed.
BILLIE: Well, who cares? All I care about is getting her back before they...
PHOEBE: They won't hurt her. They need her.
PIPER: We just need to get her back before they get whatever it is they're after.
BILLIE: I still don't understand why those demons warned us about them.
PIPER: Well, they don't want the Triad taking over any more than we do. They probably thought we would take them out.
PHOEBE: You know, this might be the fight that the Angel of Destiny was talking about. And if we win...
PIPER: (nods) We could get Leo back.
PHOEBE: Okay, well, I'm gonna start by checking into that guy that broke into my apartment.
BILLIE: You really think he's part of this?
PHOEBE: Yes!
(Phoebe walks out of the room.)
PIPER: We're gonna get your sister back, Billie, one way or another.
BILLIE: And Leo too.
(Flash to...)
[INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR]
(Christy is lying on the floor, surrounded with entrapping crystals, unconscious, bound and blindfolded.)
TAKAR: She's the ultimate power?
XAR: Doubtful. She was too easy to take. More likely an unsuspecting conduit. Still, as long as we have her, the Triad doesn't.
TAKAR: Do you really think The Charmed Ones will go after them instead of us?
XAR: Shh! (whispers) That's the plan.
TAKAR: (whispers) But what if they don't?
XAR: Then we're dead. But that's still better than having to answer to the Triad.
(Christy is starting to come to.)
XAR: Ahh... finally waking, are we? Care to tell us what you know about the
ultimate power?
(Christy suddenly sits up, but is stopped by the crystal barrier.)
XAR: Spunky. But you'll talk... eventually.
[INT. LOFT APARTMENT - DAY]
(Phoebe kicks in the door. The loft is empty.)
PHOEBE: I knew it.
[INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - DAY]
(Phoebe heads straight to the phone. As she snatches it, Coop casually creeps behind her.)
COOP: Well, took you long enough. (Phoebe turns around and swiftly hits Coop in the chin with the phone. He falls backwards, demolishing an end table.)
COOP: (grunts and laughs) Well, love is never having to say you're sorry.
(As he gets up, Phoebe tries to kick him...)
PHOEBE: Enh!
(...but he freezes her with his opal ring.)
COOP: That's nice. Very nice. Okay... umm... you lie awake at night. You're
afraid you may never find love again. The best years of your life lost, battling for the greater good, but at the cost of starting your own family. Well, that ought to do it.
(Coop flicks his hand, telekinetically moving the couch, and unfreezes Phoebe.)
(Phoebe squeaks and falls on the couch.)
COOP: You don't need to fight me, Phoebe. I'm on your side.
PHOEBE: (stands up) Like hell you are.
COOP: Just... sit down, okay? Listen. (They both sit down.) Now you're just
thinking, how you lay awake at night, right? How you're afraid that you may never find love again? Now, it's not fair, really. I already know I'm right.
PHOEBE: Who are you?
COOP: I'm Cupid. I'm one of them, anyway. You can call me Coop.
PHOEBE: (laughs) That's just great, "Coop". But you know what? I don't have the time for this, because I need to go find my sisters...
COOP: You always say that, and that is exactly why I'm here. You always think that you never have time for love. You know, that's why the Elders sent me. They feel guilty, you know, about how everything got all messed up after they enlisted you. So they sent me down to help you get things back on track.
PHOEBE: Oh. Okay. Well, you know what, I don't need help finding true love.
COOP: Apparently you do.
PHOEBE: Excuse me?
COOP: You didn't even notice me at the café.
PHOEBE: Oh, well, you know what? I didn't notice you at the café because you're- pff! You are just not cute.
COOP: No. I'm cute. You're resistant.
PHOEBE: Oh!
COOP: Now, come on. How you're gonna have that future child that you were promised unless you find love first, right?
PHOEBE: (hopeful) That's still possible?
COOP: Not only is it possible, it's destined. We are gonna have to hurry.
PHOEBE: But my star charts...
COOP: All wonky. (laughs) I'm sorry. Your math stinks. Anyway, I'll show you about that later. First, we're gonna heal your heart.
PHOEBE: N-- no. First, I need to go kill some demons, because if I don't, none of this is gonna matter. Okay?
COOP: Wait. You're resisting.
PHOEBE: (opening the door) You know what? You can take that bow and arrow and shove it up your, uh... And don't even try to freeze me because I will vanquish you.
(Phoebe leaves, slamming the door shut.)
COOP: Ooh. Well. This is gonna be tougher than I thought.
[INT. MANOR - STAIRS - DAY]
(Paige is walking up the stairs.)
PAIGE: Hey, Henry. Can you please do me a huge favor? I need you to call
everybody on the list for our party and cancel. INTERCUT WITH:
[INT. POLICE STATION - DAY]
HENRY: Can-- Paige, we can't cancel on them. It's tomorrow night.
PAIGE: Look. There might not be a tomorrow night for us, okay? I have to deal
with the Triad.
HENRY: The Triad? Right, the Triad. You know what? I just thought... I thought we were working on it.
PAIGE: Well, I thought we were working on it too, but sadly, they've come back. Can you please just make the call?
HENRY: (sighs) Okay. (Henry hangs up.) Yes, ma'am. (Henry pulls the guest list sheet out of his pocket.)
[INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY]
(Paige comes in.)
PAIGE: Hey, there. How's it going?
PIPER: Not good. There's no known way to vanquish them.
PAIGE: Well, that's, umm... really great news. Do you think it's odd that they
went after Christy and didn't even try to fight us?
PIPER: No. The Triad thinks she's the key to what they want, and once they get it, we may be obsolete. BILLIE: Power of the witches rise Course unseen across the skies Come to us who call you near Come to us and settle here
PAIGE: How long has she been doing that?
PIPER: Since we've been up here, and she's working on an enhancing potion to make the spell stronger.
PAIGE: Hmm. Umm... Billie, the thing is, if that spell hasn't worked by now, it's not gonna work.
BILLIE: I don't know what else to do. I have to do something!
PAIGE: We're gonna get her back. Okay? I'm gonna go scry.
(Billie nods.)
BILLIE: Power of the witches rise Course unseen across the skies Come to us who call you near Come to us and settle here
(Flash to...)
[INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR]
(Christy is still blindfolded, but standing now.)
CHRISTY: (seething) You have no idea who you're dealing with!
XAR: I may not know exactly who you are, but I know you have something the
Triad's been wanting for a very long time, and it brings me untold joy to think that I'll ruin their plan just as it's about to reach fruition.
CHRISTY: (screams) Let me out of here!
TAKAR: We're not going to get anything out of her.
XAR: No matter. We just need to hold onto her until the battle between The Charmed Ones and the Triad is over. Then we'll see who's left standing. (Christy concentrates and incinerates the ropes that have her tied. She rips off the blindfold from her eyes.)
(Christy puts her hands to her temples and emits a high-pitched shriek.)
(Christy's formidable power blows up the crystal barrier imprisoning her. The crystal barrier explodes, immolating Takar and hurling Xar across the chamber.)
CHRISTY: Now... it's your turn.
(Christy, enraged, walks towards Xar.)
(Christy disappears in a swirl of magical orbs.)
[INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY]
(Christy materializes in a swirl of magical orbs.)
(Christy continues to walk menacingly until she realizes she is back at the manor.)
BILLIE: Christy?
CHRISTY: What-- what happened?
BILLIE: It worked!
(Billie hugs Christy.)
CHRISTY: (stutters) I-- I was in a cage, umm... I got out, but then they came
after me again... and then I was here.
PIPER: What did they want, did they say?
CHRISTY: I don't know. I was scared.
BILLIE: That's okay. You're safe now.
PIPER: Well, the Triad is gonna figure out where she is sooner or later. We need to stop them while we have a chance.
PAIGE: Okay, I'm gonna go get Phoebe.
(Paige orbs out.)
PIPER: (to Christy) Are you okay?
CHRISTY: Yeah, I just need to... lie down.
BILLIE: Yeah. Come on, let's go.
CHRISTY: (hastily) No, it's okay. You stay here and help her. I'll be fine.
(Christy smiles, and then leaves.)
(Piper and Billie exchange a look. They feel something's not quite right.)
[INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY]
(Christy slowly walks to the conservatory, making sure no one's around.)
(She concentrates.)
(Suddenly, The Triad appears before her.)
CHRISTY: Somebody's impersonating you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
PART FOUR
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY]
(We continue exactly where we left off.)
ASMODEUS (TRIAD): What do you mean, impersonating us? How do you know?
CHRISTY: Will you keep your voice down? I don't want them to find us together.
CANDOR (TRIAD): I always said this plan was taking too long. We should just
attack The Charmed Ones while we're here.
ASMODEUS (TRIAD): No. We don't have the power yet.
BALIEL (TRIAD): And we're not strong enough without it.
CANDOR (TRIAD): We don't know that. Besides, someone's already exposed us.
ASMODEUS (TRIAD): Yes. The real question is, who?
BALIEL (TRIAD): Who else? It has to be Xar.
CHRISTY: Xar? Who's Xar?
ASMODEUS (TRIAD): A demon, who was once one of us.
CANDOR (TRIAD): But one whom we banished.
BALIEL (TRIAD): And one who's been looking to avenge that for decades. He's the only one that knows our ways and our desires.
CANDOR (TRIAD): So what, he's been sabotaging us?
ASMODEUS (TRIAD): Undoubtedly, so he won't have to answer to us. Xar would do anything to keep that from happening.
CHRISTY: Well, he may have already succeeded. The Charmed Ones are after you now. Which means I may never get Billie back.
ASMODEUS (TRIAD): Yes, you will, just as we promised. You're still the Key, and you're still in perfect position.
BALIEL (TRIAD): You're her sister, Christy. Soon, you will show her the way.
CANDOR (TRIAD): If we can stop Xar from doing any more damage.
[INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY]
(Billie's scrying with her computer. Piper closes the Book of Shadows. Apparently their search hasn't been successful so far.)
(Paige orbs in with Phoebe.)
BILLIE: Hey, how'd it go? Was the hot guy a Triad?
PHOEBE: He's worse. He's a Cupid.
BILLIE: A what?
PHOEBE: A Cupid. The Elders sent him down here to help me find true love. How
insulting is that?
PAIGE: Well, maybe they figure they owe you.
PIPER: Well, I wish they'd help with the Triads first, because I have no idea how to vanquish them.
PAIGE: Well, what did Cole do?
PHOEBE: Well, I don't know. He was a really powerful demon. Probably just as powerful as they were. You know what, Cole is my longest relationship. Is that pathetic or what?
PIPER: Actually, you might be onto something. Maybe we need a demon to vanquish them.
BILLIE: Are you kidding? Where are we gonna find one of those?
PIPER: Well, I don't think we need to, if we just get the Triads to kill each other.
PAIGE: Uh... how do you propose we do that?
PIPER: I dunno, I'm makin' this up as I go.
PHOEBE: Well, what if we don't get them all?
PIPER: I don't think we need to. If we just kill one, then we weaken the collective.
PAIGE: Kind of like us.
PIPER: Exactly.
PHOEBE: It's still dicey.
PIPER: Dicey's all we got.
BILLIE: Well, we better do something fast, or we're not gonna be able to save Christy.
PAIGE: Or Leo, for that matter. I mean, if the Triad really is the big threat.
PHOEBE: Then we're in for a huge battle.
PIPER: Which means, I need to get the kids out of here.
(Piper gets up.)
PAIGE: Oh, and I need to go see Henry.
(Paige gets up.)
PIPER: No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Can't it wait?
PAIGE: No, it can't. Look. If something happens to me, I don't want the last
thing Henry remembers about us is arguing.
PIPER: Well, we don't have a lot of time.
PAIGE: I need to do this. Sorry.
PIPER: Hurry.
(Paige leaves.)
(Everyone exchange glances and sighs.)
(Flash to...)
[INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR]
XAR: How did you find me?
(Xar slowly turns around, facing the Triad.)
ASMODEUS (TRIAD): The witch led us to you, Xar. You should have killed her while
you had the chance.
XAR: You know me better than that, Asmodeus. I wanted to find out why you needed her. You look tired, old friend. The stress of so many years on the run, no doubt.
CANDOR (TRIAD): Those days are behind us.
XAR: Perhaps. But the days ahead are few, thanks to me. You'll never save yourselves from The Charmed Ones.
BELIAL (TRIAD): That remains to be seen.
XAR: Does it? If you had the power to take them on, you would've done so by now. You need more. But now it's too late.
ASMODEUS (TRIAD): Your hubris has always been your undoing, Xar. Even in the end.
(Candor conjures an energy sphere.)
XAR: See you in the wasteland.
(Candor throws the energy sphere at Xar, who remains impassive as he explodes.)
BELIAL (TRIAD): He's right. The Charmed Ones will be coming for us, and without
the power, we'll never be able to defeat them.
CANDOR (TRIAD): We don't know that. Besides, we only have to take one out to weaken their Power of Three.
BELIAL (TRIAD): But that's our weakness too. That's why we embarked in the plan all those years ago to use Christy. Without the power, we are too closely matched to ensure success.
CANDOR (TRIAD): But we don't have a choice, now, do we? It's kill or be killed now.
(Flash to...)
[INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT]
(Paige enters and quickly walks to Henry.)
PAIGE: Ahh... Henry.
HENRY: (smiling) Hey.
PAIGE: Hey.
HENRY: What are you doing here?
PAIGE: Uh... I need to talk to you.
HENRY: Okay.
PAIGE: (grabbing Henry) Will you come with me?
HENRY: Yeah, yeah. Wait. Is there something wrong? Are you all right?
(Paige drags Henry out in the hallway.)
PAIGE: Eeh... I'm okay. Well, uh, no, not really. Umm... I just really wanted to
see you just in case.
HENRY: Wait, wait, wait. Paige. What's wrong?
PAIGE: We're going up against the Triad.
HENRY: What does that mean?
PAIGE: Well, it means, if we win this battle, it will be a very, very good thing, and we can get Leo back, and everything will be super happy and perfect and I won't even care if you leave the cap off the toothpaste.
HENRY: What if you don't win? (Paige shrugs silently.) All right, I'm going with you. We'll do it together. I can't sit here and do nothing.
PAIGE: You can't. It has to be just the three of us.
HENRY: (nods) All right. When you get back, I'm gonna marry you as soon as I can. At the engagement party.
PAIGE: You were supposed to cancel it.
HENRY: I guess I didn't.
(Paige takes a step forward and kisses Henry.)
[INT. MANOR - WYATT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT]
(Phoebe walks in pensively. She picks up Wyatt's teddy bear.)
COOP: (loudly) Hey!
PHOEBE: (gasps) You scared me.
COOP: Uh, I'm sorry. (rubbing hands) So, when are we gonna get started?
PHOEBE: (holding teddy bear) Don't you have someone else's love life to meddle
in?
COOP: No. I'm all yours. I mean, yeah, sure, normally we've got forty, fifty jobs, but the Elders thought that you deserved to have me all to yourself.
PHOEBE: (sarcastic) Lucky me. Uh... you know what? I'm just really busy right now and I have big issues to deal with, so...
COOP: Yeah. I know. I know. And, uh, you're gonna get through this. And then we're gonna get to work.
PHOEBE: Has anyone ever told you that you are a big pain in the butt?
COOP: Mmm, no. I'm a Cupid. Hey. Good luck.
(Coop's heart emits a pink glow that eventually absorbs his body. He disappears.)
[INT. MANOR - ATTIC - NIGHT]
(Piper, Paige, Billie and Christie are working on their plan. Phoebe comes in.)
PHOEBE: Anything?
BILLIE: Well, we think they're at magic school. We found a very high
concentration of energy there.
PHOEBE: So that means we have to fight them there?
PAIGE: Does it really matter where we fight them?
PIPER: Okay, let's go over the plan again.
PAIGE: Divide and conquer, right, that's the plan?
PHOEBE: So I can draw out their power...
PIPER: And I will freeze one of them.
PHOEBE: They are upper-level demons, so they won't freeze for long.
PAIGE: They only have to stay frozen long enough for me to orb the last one into position.
BILLIE: You know, do you guys think I should go with you? I mean, my projection power could really help.
PHOEBE: No. You have to stay here and protect your sister. And you also have to call the Elders if we don't come back.
PIPER: Ready?
PAIGE: Nope, but let's do it anyway.
(Paige stands up. Phoebe and Piper join her. They link hands and orb out.)
BILLIE: Whatever happens, we're gonna stick together.
CHRISTY: (smiling) Yeah, right, of course. That's what sisters are for, right?
(As Billie looks away, Christy's smile fades.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
PART FIVE
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - NIGHT]
(The Triad form a triangle. Energy suspended above their heads spark and glow.)
(The three sisters orb beneath a table, out of the Triad's sight.)
PHOEBE: (whispering) Okay. How are we supposed to divide and conquer that?
PAIGE: (whispering) Maybe we should try to blast 'em while they're distracted.
PIPER: I don't think it'll even faze them.
(Phoebe walks to the left.)
PHOEBE: I'll distract 'em.
(But the Triad notices the sisters' presence.)
PIPER: Too late.
(Candor throws an energy sphere at Piper. Piper blasts it, but the force of the explosion pushes Piper and Paige against the wall, and flings Phoebe down the hallway.)
PIPER: Phoebe?
PHOEBE: Yeah. Go. (Phoebe runs down the hallway. Asmodeus throws an energy sphere at her, but misses as she throws herself to the floor.)
(Candor chases her.)
CANDOR (TRIAD): I've got her.
ASMODEUS (TRIAD): No! We're stronger together!
PAIGE: (shouts) Hey!
(Asmodeus throws an energy sphere at Paige. She orbs away just before the energy sphere hits her.)
PIPER: (raising) Yoo-hoo.
(Baliel throws an energy sphere at her. Piper freezes them.)
(Asmodeus and Baliel's movements slow to a blurry crawl.)
PIPER: Paige, now.
(Paige orbs behind Asmodeus and Baliel.)
PAIGE: Triad guy!
(Waving her hand, Paige orbs Asmodeus right in front of Baliel's frozen energy sphere.)
(Piper unfreezes them.)
(Baliel's energy sphere vanquishes Asmodeus.)
BELIAL: (screams) Nooo!
(Piper triple blasts Belial.)
BELIAL: No!
(The third blast vanquishes Belial.)
(Candor walks up in the hallway just in time to see Belial being vanquished. He immobilizes.)
(Phoebe steps out of the study, behind Candor.)
PHOEBE: Looking for me?
(Candor turns around.)
(Candor turns the other way, only to see Paige and Piper in front of him.)
(He's cornered.)
(Candor silently dissolves into the floor.)
PAIGE: (to Phoebe) You okay?
PHOEBE: Yeah. I can't believe we did it.
PIPER: Well, two out of three.
PAIGE: (uncertain) Well, that's all we needed, right? That means we won.
PIPER: Well, if we won, where's Leo? I mean, he should be here. I don't
understand what went wrong.
PHOEBE: Maybe nothing. Maybe there's a bigger threat out there.
[INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - NIGHT]
(The sisters orb in.)
PIPER: I don't understand. What could possibly be a bigger threat than the Triad?
(Billie and Christy walk down the stairs.)
CHRISTY: Is everything okay?
PHOEBE: Well, yeah. We got the Triad, but we do think that there's a bigger
threat out there.
CHRISTY: (uneasy) Did they say that?
PIPER: No, they didn't have to. Leo would be here.
BILLIE: I'm so sorry, Piper.
PAIGE: You know, you're gonna get Leo back.
(Piper nods.)
PIPER: Well, in the meantime, we have an engagement to celebrate.
PAIGE: Oh, well, I've been thinking about that, actually, and I will do it on
one condition. If we can just turn it into a wedding instead. (The light dims slightly... and the room freezes.)
(Except Christy.)
(Candor materializes. Christy walks to him.)
CHRISTY: What are we supposed to do now?
CANDOR (TRIAD): We stay the course.
CHRISTY: But how, without the others?
CANDOR (TRIAD): It was never about us. It was always about you. (Candor sighs.)
We've taught you all we know, shown you the way. Now you must go forward alone, to fulfill your destiny. To unite with the ultimate power.
CHRISTY: Billie.
CANDOR (TRIAD): This isn't the course either one of us wanted to take, but we don't have a choice now. The end result is all that matters. You must save your sister.
(Candor disappears into the floor.)
(Christy gets back into position.)
(The room unfreezes.)
PIPER: Well, absolutely. Although it is kind of short notice. I might need some
magical assistance.
PHOEBE: (thrilled) Let's do it.
(The sisters and Billie leave the room, but Christy stays still.)
(Billie stops mid-way and turns to Christy.)
BILLIE: Christy, what's wrong?
CHRISTY: Oh. Nothing. I'm fine.
(Christy follows Billie.)
(Fade to...)
[INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM - DAY]
(Paige is sitting at the vanity with her hair in curlers, finishing her makeup.)
(Piper and Phoebe walk to Paige in their bridesmaids' dresses.)
PHOEBE: Are you nervous?
PAIGE: Surprisingly, no.
PIPER: You're not ready.
PAIGE: (takes a deep sigh) I am just kind of stunned this is happening.
PHOEBE: Well, believe it.
PIPER: Sure you don't want to wear my dress?
PAIGE: Yeah. Yeah, I am.
PIPER: All right. Let's go conjure you a very special dress.
(Phoebe and Piper leave the room, leaving Paige in front of the vanity. She looks peaceful.)
(Fade to...)
[INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM - DAY]
(Downstairs, the house is decorated for a wedding.)
(Wyatt's busy swiping a little icing off the wedding cake.)
(Henry walks to him and crouches.)
HENRY: Hey, Wyatt, how are you? Are you-- hey, what are you doing? You want cake,
don't you?
WYATT: Yeah.
HENRY: I want cake too. Go ahead. You can have that. Let me get my own. Is it good?
WYATT: (eats and nods) Yeah.
HENRY: (swipes a little icing too) All right. Here, take another one real quick. Quick, before anyone sees. (And so Wyatt does.) Yeah! All right. Let's go before anyone sees.
(Henry stands up, and enters...)
[INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(...the conservatory with Wyatt.)
(The conservatory is full with guests that eagerly await the start of the ceremony.)
HENRY: Hi, everybody. (To Wyatt) There you go. Stand right over there.
MAN: (To Wyatt) Here you go, buddy.
(Billie and Christy come in, both smiling.)
BILLIE: So, how do you feel?
CHRISTY: Like I'm ready to take on the world.
(Billie and Christy sit on empty chairs on the first row.)
(Piper and Phoebe come in. Piper's holding Chris.)
PHOEBE: I wish Leo was here.
PIPER: He is.
(As Phoebe walks down the aisle, she bumps into a strategically placed elbow.)
(Phoebe turns and sees a delighted Coop.)
COOP: Oh. Sorry. How's it going?
PHOEBE: Did someone invite you here?
COOP: What, are you kidding me? I love weddings.
(Piper gives Chris to Billie.)
[INT. MANOR - STAIRS - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(The stairs' bannister is covered with flowers.)
(Paige walks down the stairs, wearing a lovely white dress... and no veil.)
(We hear murmurs and subdued laughs.)
[INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Paige enters the room. The crowd stands up.)
[SLOW MOTION]
(Paige walks to Henry, smiling.)
(Paige gives Piper her bouquet.)
[RESUME MOTION]
(The crowd sits back.)
(Shot of Coop sitting down with the rest of the crowd.)
(Paige stops right in front of Henry.)
HENRY: (smiling) You look beautiful.
PAIGE: (smiling) And you look very handsome.
MINISTER: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Henry and Paige in
holy matrimony, in the presence of family and friends. The union of two lives as one is a sacred bond, both solemn and joyful, embracing all that you are, and all that you will be. (We slowly fade to Henry smiling... to Paige smiling widely... to Piper and Phoebe beaming with joy... to Billie and Christy... to Wyatt... and to Coop.)
MINISTER: On this day of your marriage, know that everything we love deeply becomes part of us. The trick is learning to receive this love with as much understanding as you give it, and knowing this, you can begin a life together with an open mind and heart.
(Fade to Paige.)
PAIGE: ...and I vow to honor, to love, and to cherish you each and every day...
(Fade to Henry.)
HENRY: ...through all the seasons of life, the good times, the bad times, I vow
to cherish you each and every day...
(Piper smiles widely.)
(Paige and Henry exchange wedding rings.)
PAIGE: I do.
HENRY: I do.
MINISTER: You may now kiss the bride.
(Henry and Paige kiss.)
(The crowd stands up and applauds.)
(The camera goes backwards as we slowly...)
FADE TO BLACK | Plan: A: Piper; Q: Who organizes an engagement party for Paige and Henry? A: the wedding; Q: What is put in jeopardy when the couple begins to get cold feet? A: a Cupid; Q: What is the strange man Phoebe notices following her? A: a demon; Q: Who kidnaps Christy? A: the Charmed Ones; Q: Who does the demon kidnap Christy to lure into attacking the Triad? A: the Underworld; Q: Where does the demon want to prevent the Charmed Ones from taking over? A: a battle; Q: What do Paige and Piper have with the Triad at Magic School? A: The third runs; Q: What happens to the third Triad? A: Leo; Q: Who is not returned by the Triad? A: the big threat; Q: What does the Triad not show to be? Summary: Piper organizes an engagement party for Paige and Henry, but the wedding is put in jeopardy when the couple begins to get cold feet. Phoebe notices a strange man following her, and soon discovers that he is a Cupid . Meanwhile, a demon kidnaps Christy in order to lure the Charmed Ones into attacking the Triad , thus preventing them from taking over the Underworld. In a battle with the Triad at Magic School, Paige and Piper vanquish one by orbing him in front of a fireball and Piper blows up the second. The third runs, but unlike how they expected, Leo is not returned, showing that the Triad is not the big threat that they have to face to get him back. |
[A boy and a girl, in a tent, in a forest.]
GIRL: Hey. Did you hear that?
BOY: Hear what?
GIRL: I heard thunder.
BOY: There's no thunder.
GIRL: Are you sure? Because if it rains, then we won't be able to see the comet.
BOY: It's not gonna rain. Listen, i... Got you a little something. It's back in the car. Don't you move.
GIRL: Stay dry.
BOY: It's not gonna rain.
She hears a noise.
GIRL: I knew it! I told you it was gonna rain! The boy disappeared. She hears a noise and watches blood on the tent. She runs at the car.
GIRL: Open! No! Please! Someone kill her.
[Elena's bedroom. / Stefan's bedroom.]
ELENA: Dear diary, this morning is... different. There is change. I can sense it, feel it.
STEFAN: I'm awake. For the first time in a long time, I feel completely and undeniably wide awake.
ELENA: For once, I don't regret the day before it begins.
STEFAN: I welcome the day...
STEFAN/ELENA: Because I know...
STEFAN: I will see her again.
ELENA: I will see him again. For the first time in a long time, I feel good.
Elena goes out of her bedroom.
JENNA: Do I look adult? As in respectfully parental?
ELENA: Depends where you're going.
JENNA: Jeremy's parent-teacher conference. Hair up or down?
ELENA: Sexy stewardess. Boozy housewife.
JENNA: Up it is. You're feisty today.
ELENA: I feel good, which is rare. So I've decided to go with it. Fly free, walk on sunshine, and all that stuff. Where is Jeremy?
JENNA: He left early. Something about getting to wood shop early to finish a birdhouse. There is no wood shop, is there?
ELENA: No.
JENNA: Yeah.
[At the hospital. Vicki's bedroom.]
NURSE: You can't be in here, hon. Visiting hours don't start till 9:00.
JEREMY: I just... How is she?
NURSE: She's lost a lot of blood.
JEREMY: Yeah, but she's gonna be ok, right?
NURSE: She needs her rest. So you come back later. Come on.
[History's class.]
TANNER: Originally discovered nearly 5 centuries ago, it hasn't been over Mystic Falls in over 145 years. Now, the comet will be its brightest right after dusk during tomorrow's celebration. Are we bothering you, Mr. Salvatore? Ms. Gilbert?
[In the corridor.]
STEFAN: I brought it. Told you.
ELENA: "Wuthering Heights" by Ellis Bell. You know, I can't believe she didn't use her real name.
STEFAN: All the Bronte sisters used pseudonyms. It was the time. Female writers weren't very accepted then.
ELENA: Where did you get it?
STEFAN: Uh, it was passed down. Through the family.
ELENA: Ah.
STEFAN: I have lots of books. Go ahead. Keep it.
ELENA: Oh, no. I... But I would like to read it again. I promise I'll give it back.
STEFAN: Ok.
CAROLINE: I'm confused. Are you psychic or clairvoyant?
BONNIE: Technically, grams says I'm a witch. My ancestors were these really cool Salem witch chicks or something.Grams tried to explain it all, but she was looped on the liquor so I kinda tuned out. Crazy family, yes. Witches? I don't think so.
CAROLINE: Yeah, well, feel free to conjure up the name and number of that guy from last night.
BONNIE: I didn't see him, you did. Why didn't you just talk to him?
CAROLINE: I don't know. I was drunk.
[Jeremy is going to see Tyler and his friends.]
JEREMY: Hey, Tyler. Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt. I was just wondering how Vicki's doing, since you guys are so close. Is she ok?
TYLER: She's fine. Now get out of here.
JEREMY: How bad is she? Do they know what attacked her? Is she going to make a full recovery? Was she happy to see you? What room number was she in?
TYLER: I'm going to kick your ass.
JEREMY: Yeah, you keep saying that, but when are you actually going to do it? Huh? 'Cause I vote for right here and right now.
TYLER: Walk away, Gilbert. It's your final warning.
JEREMY: No, this is your final warning, dick. I'm sick of watching you play Vicki. You hurt herne more time, I swear to God, I will kill you.
TYLER: Damn, that was like a death threat. Did you hear that?
[Matt and Elena talk about Vicki. Stefan sits on a table and listens to the conversation. ]
MATT: They're keeping her overnight to make sure there's no infection, but she should be able to come home tomorrow.
ELENA: That's good news.
MATT: Yeah.
ELENA: Did you get in touch with your mom?
MATT: Called and left a message. She's in Virginia Beach with her boyfriend, so... we'll see how long it takes her to come rushing home.
ELENA: Vicki's lucky that she's ok.
MATT: I know, and now there's talk of some missing campers.
ELENA: Did she say what kind of animal it was that attacked her?
MATT: She said it was a vampire.
ELENA: What?
MATT: Yeah, she wakes up last night and mutters "vampire" and then passes out.
ELENA: Ok, that is weird.
MATT: I think she was drunk. So what's up with you and the new guy?
ELENA: Matt, the last thing that I want to do is hurt you.
MATT: You know, I'm... I'm actually gonna go back to the hospital. I want to be there when Vickie wakes up, get the real story about last night.
ELENA: Ok.
Stefan disappeared.
[Jenna with Mr Tanner.]
TANNER: As Jeremy's teacher, I'm concerned. All right? It's the third day of school and he's skipped six of his classes.
JENNA: Mr. Tanner, are you aware that Jeremy and Elena's parents died?
TANNER: Four months ago, a great loss. Car accident. Wickery bridge, if I remember correctly. And you're related to the family how? The, uh, mother's kid sister?
JENNA: Younger sister.
TANNER: Right.
JENNA: Yes. Six classes? Are you sure? I mean, that's kind of hard to do.
TANNER: Not when you're on drugs. It's his attempt at coping, Ms. Summers. And the signs are there. He's moody, withdrawn, argumentative, hungover. Are there any other relatives in the picture?
JENNA: I'm their sole guardian.
TANNER: Uh-huh. Could there be?
JENNA: What are you suggesting, exactly?
TANNER: It's an impossible job, isn't it, raising two teens?
JENNA: It's been tough, but, no, it's not.
TANNER: Wrong answer. It is an extremely impossible job, and anything less and you're not doing it properly.
[Matt at the hospital.]
MATT: Whoa! Vick. Vicki, hey. Vick, it's Matt. Hey, what's wrong?
VICKI: No! No! Get off! No! No! No!
Matt is going to search doctors. Stefan enters.
STEFAN: It was an animal that attacked you. It came out of the night and jumped you. You blacked out. It's all you remember.
VICKI: It's all I remember.
STEFAN: An animal attacked you. You blacked out. It's all you remember. It's all I remember.
MATT: Nurse! I need help! It's my sister.
NURSE: She seems fine. Vicki is sleeping. Matt believes to see Stefan, he follows him but doesn't find him.
[The girls sit outside.]
BONNIE: Well, I was talking to grams, and she said the comet is a sign of impending doom. The last time it passed over Mystic Falls, there was lots of death. So much blood and carnage, it created a bed of paranormal activity.
CAROLINE: Yeah, and then you poured grams another shot and she told you about the aliens. So then what?
ELENA: So then nothing.
CAROLINE: You and Stefan talked all night? There was no sloppy first kiss or touchy feely of any kind?
ELENA: Nope. We didn't go there.
CAROLINE: Not even a handshake? I mean, Elena, we are your friends. Ok? You are supposed to share the smut.
ELENA: We just talked for hours.
CAROLINE: Ok, what is with the blockage? Just jump his bones already! Ok, it's easy. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, s*x.
ELENA: Profound.
BONNIE: Where are you going?
ELENA: Caroline's right. It is easy. If I sit here long enough, I'll end up talking myself out of it instead of doing what I started the day saying I was going to do.
[Elena's house.]
JENNA: I picked up dinner. Tacos. I had an urge for guacamole.
JEREMY: No, I'm good, thanks.
JENNA: Eat anyway. It's a ruse. I want to talk. Hey, you! Come. Sit. Back in school, freshman year, I could eat my weight in nachos, with extra cheese. It was my munchie food whenever I got stoned.
JEREMY: You get high?
JENNA: Did. Past tense. But, yeah. Loved it. Anything to get a little distraction from life... reality. And it worked. For a while. Never lasts, though. Hey, I'm not saying I wouldn't love to rail back and kick it, but with a thesis looming and a waistline expanding...
Jeremy is going.
[Matt is sleeping on a chair. Vicki is woken. She throws an apple on Matt.]
MATT: What the...
VICKI: Finally you're awake.
MATT: Hey. How are you feeling? You look better. I was worried before. You really had me freaked out with all that screaming.
VICKI: Wait, what are you talking about?
MATT: You don't remember?
VICKI: I feel fine.
MATT: Good, good. Doctor said you could come home tomorrow. Vick, what attacked you in the woods?
VICKI: An animal. What else could it have been?
Jeremy arrives.
JEREMY: Hey. How do you feel?
VICKI: I'm ok.
MATT: I... I'm gonna... I'm gonna go grab a coffee. Hey, Jer.
VICKI: Why are you here?
JEREMY: I just wanted to see how you were doing.
VICKI: Did you see that look on Matt's face? That was suspicion. I don't want people to find out about us, Jeremy.
JEREMY: Well, you gotta get over that.
VICKI: Tyler is finally showing some interest.
JEREMY: You have to get over that, too. Do you see Mr. Concerned? Tyler? Are you under there? No.
VICKI: It's not cool for people to know. Ok? I'm older than you, and Matt and Elena would freak.
JEREMY: No one's going to suspect anything. Why wouldn't I check on you? I mean, I'm the one who found you.
VICKI: You are?
JEREMY: Yeah, I carried you out of the woods.
VICKI: Thank you.
JEREMY: Yeah, you're welcome.
[Elena arrives to Stefan's house. The door is open, she enters.]
ELENA: Stefan? Stefan?
Damon suddenly appears in front of her.
ELENA: I... I'm sorry for barging in. The door was... Open.
DAMON: You must be Elena. I'm Damon, Stefan's brother.
ELENA: He didn't tell me he had a brother.
DAMON: Well, Stefan's not one to brag. Please, come. I'm sure Stefan will be along any second.
ELENA: Wow. This is your living room?
DAMON: Living room, parlor, Sotheby's auction. It's a little kitschy for my taste. I see why my brother's so smitten. It's about time. For a while there, I never thought he'd get over the last one. Nearly destroyed him.
ELENA: The last one?
DAMON: Yeah. Katherine, his girlfriend? Oh, you two haven't had the awkward exes conversation yet.
ELENA: Nope.
DAMON: Oops. Well, I'm sure it'll come up now. Or maybe he didn't want to tell you because he didn't want you to think he was on the rebound. We all know how those relationships end.
ELENA: You say it like every relationship is doomed to end.
DAMON: I'm a fatalist. Hello, Stefan.
STEFAN: Elena. I didn't know you were coming over.
ELENA: I know. I should have called, I just...
DAMON: Oh, don't be silly. You're welcome any time. Isn't she, Stefan? You know, I should break out the family photo albums or some home movies. But... I have to warn you. He wasn't always such a looker.
STEFAN: Thank you for stopping by, Elena. Nice to see you.
ELENA: Yeah, I should probably go. It was nice to meet you, Damon.
DAMON: Great meeting you, too, Elena.
ELENA: Stefan? Stefan? Elena leaves the house.
DAMON: Great gal. Whoo. She's got spunk. You, on the other hand, look pooped. Did you over-exert yourself today? Let me guess... hospital.
STEFAN: Someone had to clean up your mess.
DAMON: Well, were you successful? Did the powers of persuasion work? Remember, if you don't feed properly, none of those little tricks work right.
STEFAN: How long was Elena here?
DAMON: Were you worried, Stefan? Scared we may be doomed to repeat the past? Isn't that why you play your little game, "I'm a high school human"?
STEFAN: I'm not playing any game.
DAMON: Of course you are. We both know the closest you'll ever get to humanity is when you rip it open and feed on it.
STEFAN: What kind of game are you playing... Damon?
DAMON: Guess you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?
[Elena's house.]
ELENA: He's on the rebound and has raging family issues.
JENNA: Well, at least it's an ex-girlfriend. Wait till you date a guy with mommy issues or cheating issues. Or amphetamine issues. Jeremy? Jeremy, where were you?
JEREMY: More stoner stories? Look, Jenna, I get it, you were cool. And so that's... that's cool.
JENNA: Oh, no, no, no!
Jenna throws an apple on Jeremy.
JEREMY: Ow! Why? Why... why did you do that?
JENNA: Listen up! Quit ditching class or you're grounded. No discussion.
JEREMY: Parental authority, I like it. Sleep tight.
[Vicki at the hopsital. Matt is sleeping. She's going to the bathroom. She believes to see Damon. ]
VICKI: Matt. Mattie?
It's not Matt but Damon. In fact, it's just a nightmare.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[In the street of Mystic Fall. Bonnie and Elena distribute The night of the comet's progam.]
BONNIE: Tonight, night of the comet.
ELENA: Would you like a program?
BONNIE: He didn't call, huh?
ELENA: Or text. But I realized we never even exchanged that stuff. We've never gotten to the texting part.
BONNIE: That's an important milestone in any relationship.
ELENA: Isn't it? The timing is wrong, anyway.
BONNIE: When is it ever right?
ELENA: I'm not ready, Bonnie.
BONNIE: Who is?
ELENA: At least I put myself out there.
BONNIE: Is that what you're calling it?
ELENA: What do you mean?
BONNIE: All I'm hearing is reasons why you can't.
Caroline believes to see Damon but when she approaches there is anybody.
[Stefan's house.]
ZACH: What is Damon doing here? Why did he come home?
STEFAN: 'Cause I came home. He wants to make my life miserable. That's how he enjoys his.
ZACH: Well, he's putting us all at risk. This girl in the hospital could talk.
STEFAN: She won't. I took care of her.
ZACH: You're sure?
STEFAN: I'm not sure, Zach. I don't know how well it worked. I'm not as strong as Damon.
ZACH: So what happens if it doesn't work?
STEFAN: I don't know. I'll deal with it.
ZACH: Is she worth it? Uncle Stefan, this girl you came back for.
[At the Grill.]
JEREMY: Vicki, what are you doing here?
VICKI: Fighting with Robert about my schedule. You'd think getting ripped up by a rabid animal would merit an extra sick day.
JEREMY: Are you feeling ok?
VICKI: I hurt.
JEREMY: Well, the doctor gave you something, right?
VICKI: The kid stuff. Nothing with an "o" in it. I think they were onto me.
JEREMY: Here. Knock yourself out, literally.
VICKI: Thanks, Jer.
JEREMY: So you gonna, uh, watch the comet later?
VICKI: I hadn't really thought about it. But I could be talked into it. I'll meet you out there in a few.
TYLER: Hey, Vick. How you feeling?
VICKI: Like you care.
TYLER: What are you lookin' at, Gilbert?
[Behind the Grill.]
CAROLINE: Hey, I got some candles.
ELENA: Hi. Hey.
MATT: Hey.
ELENA: Thank you.
MATT: You're welcome.
STEFAN: Thank you.
STEFAN: Hi.
ELENA: Hi.
STEFAN: You know, that comet... it's been traveling across space for thousands of years. All alone.
ELENA: Yeah, Bonnie says it's a harbinger of evil.
STEFAN: I think it's just a ball of... snow and ice, trapped on a path that it can't escape. And once every 145 years, it gets to come home. I'm sorry about yesterday. I wasn't myself.
ELENA: You seem to spend a lot of time apologizing.
STEFAN: Well, I have a lot to apologize for. Yesterday, that wasn't about you, ok?
ELENA: You didn't tell me that you had a brother.
STEFAN: We're not close. It's, uh... it's complicated.
ELENA: Always. He told me about your ex, Katherine.
STEFAN: What did he say?
ELENA: That she broke your heart.
STEFAN: That was a long time ago.
ELENA: When you lose someone, it stays with you, always reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt.
STEFAN: Elena...
ELENA: It's ok, Stefan. I get it. You have no idea how much I get it. Complicated brother? Check. Complicated ex? Check. Too complicated to even contemplate dating, double check. It's ok. We met, and we talked, and it was epic, but... then the sun came up and reality set in so...
She's going.
[At the Grill. Vicki sees Damon.]
VICKI: I know you.
DAMON: Well, that's unfortunate.
VICKI: Um... I don't... I don't know how, but... your face. Excuse me. Sorry.
She's going at the toilets. In the mirror, she sees Damon. She shout.
JEREMY: Hey, has anyone seen Vickie?
TYLER: You're her stalker. You tell us.
JEREMY: I can't find her.
TYLER: She probably found somebody else to party with. Sorry, pill pusher, I guess you've been replaced.
ELENA: What's with the pill pusher?
TYLER: Ask him.
JEREMY: You wanna do this right now?
ELENA: Are you dealing?
TYLER: She's never gonna go for you.
JEREMY: She already did. Over and over and over again.
TYLER: Yeah, right.
CAROLINE: You slept with Vickie Donovan? I mean, Vickie Donovan slept with you?
TYLER: There's no way.
JEREMY: And I didn't even have to force her into it.
MATT: What the hell is he talking about, Todd?
TYLER: Nothing, man, just ignore him, he's a punk.
MATT: You know what, how about all of you shut up and help me find my sister?
BONNIE: We'll check the back.
MATT: I'll check the square.
JEREMY: I'll come with you.
ELENA: Oh, no, no, no. You are coming with me. So that's your game now, dealing?
JEREMY: I'm not dealing.
ELENA: Look, I'm sick of the tough love speech, Jer. It's really having no impact.
JEREMY: You and Jenna, between the two of you...
ELENA: We can stop if you want. Send you to a therapist where you'll be forced to deal with it or to rehab where you'll sit in group and tell some stranger how you let your life fall apart. Or you could talk to me.
JEREMY: I vote for none of the above. In the street.
MATT: Hey.
STEFAN: Hey.
MATT: Have you seen my sister?
STEFAN: No, sorry.
MATT: I can't find her. She's missing.
STEFAN: I'll keep an eye out for her.
MATT: Hey. I saw you at the hospital yesterday.
STEFAN: Did you?
MATT: What were you doing there?
STEFAN: Visiting.
MATT: Visiting? You know, Elena and I, we've known each other for a long time. We might not be together right now, but I look out for her. And I'll always look out for her. Stefan hears voices coming from the roof.
DAMON: You really have to stop screaming.
VICKI: No, please, stop. Don't... Shh. I got you.
STEFAN: Excuse me. Stefan sees Damon and Vicki. He jumps on the roof.
VICKI: No! No!
DAMON: I gotta do it. I'm not gonna drop you. Not bad. Have you been eating bunnies?
STEFAN: Let her go.
DAMON: Shh. really? Ok.
VICKI: No! No, no, no!
DAMON: Uhh! Relax.
VICKI: What's happening?
DAMON: I don't need her to be dead, but... you might. What attacked you the other night?
VICKI: I don't know. An animal.
DAMON: Are you sure about that? Think. Think about it. Think really hard. What attacked you?
VICKI: A vampire.
DAMON: Who did this to you?
VICKI: You did!
DAMON: Wrong!
STEFAN: Don't.
DAMON: It was Stefan.
STEFAN: Don't.
DAMON: Come here. Stefan Salvatore did this to you.
VICKI: Stefan Salvatore did this to me.
DAMON: He's a vampire. A vicious, murderous monster.
STEFAN: Please, Damon. Please don't do this.
DAMON: If you couldn't fix it before, I don't know what you can do now.
VICKI: Aah!
DAMON: Uhh! Your choice of lifestyle has made you weak. A couple of vampire parlor tricks is nothing compared to the power that you cod have, that you now need. But you can change that. Human blood gives you that.
VICKI: No!
DAMON: You have two choices. You can feed and make her forget. Or you can let her run, screaming "vampire" through the town square.
STEFAN: That's what this is about? You want to expose me?
DAMON: No! I want you to remember who you are!
STEFAN: Why? So what, so I'll feed? So I'll kill? So I'll remember what it's like to be brothers again? You know what, let her go. Let her tell everyone that vampires have returned to Mystic Falls. Let them chain me up, and let them drive a stake through my heart, because at least I'll be free of you.
DAMON: Huh. Huh. Wow. Come here, sweetheart.
VICKI: No!
DAMON: It's ok.
VICKI: What happened? Where am I? Oh, I ripped my stitches open. Ah...
STEFAN: You ok?
VICKI: I took some pills, man. I'm good.
DAMON: It's good to be home. Think I might stay a while. This town could use a bit of a wake-up call, don't you think?
STEFAN: What are you up to, Damon?
DAMON: That's for me to know and for you to... dot dot dot. Give Elena my best.
[At the Grill.]
MATT: She said you found her wandering around.
STEFAN: Yeah.
MATT: So, um, thanks.
CAROLINE: Uhh, it's just so much drama. Ever notice how the druggies are the biggest attention whores?
BONNIE: Yeah.
STEFAN: Excuse me. hi.
BONNIE: Hi.
STEFAN: Um, have you guys seen Elena?
BONNIE: I think she went home. I'm gonna give you Elena's cell number and her email. She is big on texting, and you can tell her... "I said so".
STEFAN: Thank you.
The hands contact and Bonnie has a vision.
STEFAN: You ok?
BONNIE: What happened to you? That's so rude. I'm sorry. Excuse me.
CAROLINE: Yeah, she kind of wigs out. It's like her thing.
[Elena's house. Jeremy's bedroom.]
ELENA: Jer?
JENNA: No, it's me, the hypocrite patrol.
ELENA: What are you doing?
JENNA: I've become my worst nightmare. The authority figure who has to violate a 15-year-old's privacy. Jackpot. I see the hiding places ven't gotten any more creative.
ELENA: What brought this on?
JENNA: Your ass-hat of a history teacher shamed me good yesterday.
ELENA: You got tannered. Been there.
JENNA: "Discover the impossible, Ms. Summers." Got it. Thanks. Like I didn't know I was screwing up.
ELENA: You're not screwing up, aunt Jenna.
JENNA: Yes, I am. You know why? Because I'm not her. She made everything look so easy. You know, high school, marriage, having you. I can't do it. I'm gonna say or do the wrong thing, and he's gonna get worse, and it's gonna be my fault. It's impossible.
ELENA: This is just the fear talking. You're a little scared, that's all. We all are. I have to go do something. But are you going to be ok?
[At the Grill. Vicki and Tyler are kissing, Jeremy watches the scene.]
[Caroline on the car park. She hears noises.]
CAROLINE: Oh... whoo.
DAMON: Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.
CAROLINE: No, it's fine. Um... I was hoping I'd see you again.
DAMON: I know.
CAROLINE: Cocky much?
DAMON: Very much.
[Stefan's house.]
STEFAN: Hi.
ELENA: Hey.
STEFAN: Would you like to come in?
ELENA: The comet's actually this way. Sorry for barging in. Especially after earlier.
STEFAN: No, no. I'm glad you're here. The way we left things... I didn't like it.
ELENA: See, the thing is, I got home tonight planning on doing what I always do, write in my diary, like I have been since my mom gave me one when I was 10. It's where I get everything out, everything I'm feeling. It all goes in this little book that I hide on the second shelf behind this really hideous ceramic mermaid. But then I realized that I'd just be writing things that I should probably be telling you.
STEFAN: What would you write?
ELENA: I would write... "Dear diary, today I convinced myself it was ok to give up. Don't take risks. Stick with the status quo. No drama, now is just not the time. But my reasons aren't reasons, they're excuses. All I'm doing is hiding from the truth, and the truth is that..." I'm scared, Stefan. I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for even one moment that... the world's just going to come crashing down, and I... I don't know if I can survive that.
STEFAN: Do you want to know what I would write? "I met a girl. We talked. It was epic. But then the sun came up and reality set in. Well, this is reality.Right here."
They kiss each other.
[Damon and Caroline are having s*x. Damon bites her.]
CAROLINE: Aah! | Plan: A: Mystic Falls; Q: What town begins the preparations to celebrate the passing of a comet? A: the hospital; Q: Where is Vicki recuperating from her injuries? A: a vampire; Q: Who attacked Vicki? A: Stefan; Q: Who uses his abilities to erase Vicki's attacker from her memory? A: Matt; Q: Who interrupts Stefan's attempt to erase Vicki's attacker? A: Mr. Tanner; Q: Who warns Jenna about Jeremy's recent behavior? A: the two teenagers; Q: What does Mr. Tanner think Jenna is doing a bad job of taking care of? A: the Salvatore house; Q: Where do Elena and Damon meet for the first time? A: the truth; Q: What does Damon's revelation about Stefan's past bring Elena closer to? A: his next victim; Q: What does Damon find in Caroline? Summary: Mystic Falls begins the preparations to celebrate the passing of a comet. While Vicki recuperates in the hospital from her injuries caused by a vampire, Stefan uses his abilities to erase Vicki's attacker from her memory, but is interrupted by Matt. Meanwhile, Mr. Tanner warns Jenna about Jeremy's recent behavior and tells her that she is doing a bad job of taking care of the two teenagers. Elena and Damon meet for the first time at the Salvatore house and his revelation about Stefan's past brings Elena closer to the truth. Elena and Stefan kiss. Damon finds his next victim in Caroline. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Doyle: Mama's giving you what's left of the weed business.
Mags: Then that's it. You and me are done. Black Pike is the future. Its proceeds go to your brother and his family. They are the future, not you.
Doyle: You get the weed. You leave the rest. Mama give Boyd Crowder free rein to pursue whatever business he wanted.
Gary: I love you. And I do want you back... simple as that.
Winona: All right. So, what is it?
Gary: We need to get a divorce. Mr. Duffy. I find that I have come upon a, uh, very exciting investment opportunity.
Raylan: The fact is, I'm done here. Or at least Art's done with me.
Winona: So you got nothing better to do with your life. You might as well just run off with your ex.
Raylan: Exactly.
Winona: Mm.
Raylan: Get down.
[ Alarm blaring ]
Winona: Who are they?
Raylan: Lord knows.
Any number of people are trying to kill me.
Gary: Where's my wife?! Where the hell is she?! You cannot stop me from seeing her! Winona! Winona! I'm assuming you don't recognize either of them. Raylan?
Raylan: Huh? I said, "I'm assuming you don't recognize either of them."
Raylan: No. I mean, yes. I don't. I hope you don't feel like we're distracting you here, deputy.
Raylan: Tell me your name again. I told you... my name is Ives. Sergeant Ives is from army CID. It turns out after they left the army, both these guys... Hey, there's no need to go into all that. Let's go. Anyway, we're looking for anywhere they might have come across your path directly, but we figure they were hired by somebody with a grudge against you.
Raylan: Yeah. Seems like a long list. Yeah, that's hard to believe.
Raylan: Will you gentlemen just excuse me for one minute? It's gonna be... Oh, well, if it isn't the man of the hour.
Raylan: Gary.
Gary: What's the matter, Raylan? You think it might make you feel better to beat me into the floor?
Raylan: I think it might be worth a shot.
Winona: Why don't you two cut the sh1t right now?
Gary: Oh, yeah. Another ***. I thought this would be, like, your dream come true, seeing the two of us squaring off to fight for your honor.
Raylan: I'd just like to talk to him.
Gary: She is still my wife. I can protect her, all right? The first step is to keep her the hell away from you!
Winona: Will you stop talking about me like I'm not in the room, okay?
Gary: Seriously, how much is enough? I mean, are you gonna... are you gonna have to actually take a bullet for this guy?!
Winona: Oh, come on, Gary. That's not fair.
Gary: Fair? What isn't fair? Is it fair because he lives a life where... where people are trying to kill him all the time, that you get caught up in the crossfire? Come on!
Art: Mr. Hawkins, I'm gonna need you to get out of this office.
Gary: I'm staying with my wife.
Art: Winona, you've given your statement, haven't you?
Winona: Yeah.
Art: If it's all right, I'm gonna send Rachel home with you and have her stay there with you until we can sort some of this out. Now, if you would like to go with her, that is something for the three of you to discuss in the elevator. Walk. Walk.
Winona: He's upset.
Raylan: He's an asshole. But he's not wrong. It would be crazy for you to be anywhere near me right now, okay?
[ Smooches ]
You go with Rachel. She'll take care of you.
Art: Winona.
Winona: Thank you.
Art: Are we done with playtime now?
Raylan: Oh. My car got pretty banged up, so I was thinking I'd just, uh...
Art: It's a good thing you're gonna be staying put for a while, then.
Raylan: Why would I'd be doing that?
Art: Not up for discussion, Raylan. You can either accept protection or you can quit the marshals service. I'm not gonna tell you which I'd rather. Art, I don't see how any of this has... I'm gonna have Tim shadow you so that you can't do any more damage.
Raylan: Oh, so he's not my bodyguard, he's my nanny?
Art: You can call it that if you like, but he's gonna stay with you until I can figure out exactly what happened tonight.
Raylan: What do you mean, wh... I told you what happened.
Art: Yeah, you did. Tim, you're with Raylan.
Tim: Yes, sir. Keep him safe and sound.
Art: Unless you see him attempting to participate in this investigation, in which case you have my permission to shoot him.
Gary: Rachel, the, uh, the guest room is just at the top of the stairs.
Rachel: Thank you, but I'm not here to sleep. I need to take a look around.
Gary: Oh, yeah.
Winona: Oh.
Gary: Well, I'll... I'll sleep on the couch in my office, and you can take our room... I mean, our old room.
Winona: It's all right. Thank you.
Gary: Uh, just so you know, I-I-I don't think this is anything it isn't, but it's wonderful to have you home.
Tim: You know, your rear bumper's hanging by a thread. Every time we hit a bump, I thought it was gonna come off, smash straight through my windshield.
Raylan: Yet you still stayed so close.
Tim: I don't suppose you got one of them suites with a pull-out couch.
Raylan: You got any buddies became contractors when they got out?
Tim: Why?
Raylan: The hitters from last night.
Tim: Is that why that CID Guy showed up?
Raylan: I think so.
Tim: Yeah, Art says I'm not supposed to talk to you about that.
Raylan: Contractors?
Tim: Yeah. Most of those guys are okay. Some of them, though, you know, they get home, find out they can't hack it back in the world without the mad minute, and start hiring out for wet work.
Raylan: I'll call the front desk, see if I can get you a cot.
Tim: I got a sleeping bag in the trunk. You're not gonna try to go out the window or anything while I'm gone?
Raylan: No. Not right now. I'm beat. Plus, you got your car here. Even if I got a jump on you, you'd be right behind me.
Tim: But you will eventually.
Raylan: Eventually, yes.
Tim: Yes. Why would you do that?
Raylan: Well, I got to talk to some people... alone. So either you let me go, or I'm gonna have to give you the slip.
Tim: I love this sh1t. This sh1t makes me hard.
Raylan: Well, then we've both been warned.
♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪
Ava: [ Smooches ] There's one thing I need you to promise me.
Boyd: What's that?
Ava: No whores.
Boyd: Oh, Ava, I ain't been to a whore since I was 14 years old.
Ava: [ Chuckles ] I'm not talking about going to whores, although now that you mention it, you better not do that, either. I'm talking about running them.
Boyd: Oh, well, now, hold on a second. I mean, the economy what it is, now is not the time to cut off potential revenue streams. Besides, as many people around here as we got out of work, you really want to deny enterprising young women an opportunity for gainful employment?
Ava: I'm serious.
Boyd: Well, so am I. The president can't stop talking about economic stimulus, and here you are wanting to take away some of that very stimulation.
Ava: You gonna promise me or not?
Boyd: All right. I promise.
Ava: [ Smooches ]
Raylan: Oh, my God. Did you sit in that chair all night?
Tim: Ever since ranger school, I can't sleep past 6:30.
Raylan: Well, listen, I got to make a phone call that I'm not supposed to make, that if you overheard you should report, so do you want to go outside and check the perimeter, or do I have to pretend to take a shower?
[ Water running ]
[ Cellphone buzzing ]
[ Beep ]
Was it Gio?
Raylan: I was hoping you could tell me. Well, the way I hear it, Gio's only hiring Cubans these days.
Raylan: Even if he wants to cover his tracks? Yeah, apparently Bo Crowder took away his taste for gringos. Doesn't trust them anymore.
Raylan: That ain't very progressive, now, is it? [ Chuckling ] Yeah.
Raylan: Be nice to know for sure. Well, I could always go ask him, although if he cops to it, I guess I have to shoot him. Don't want him to think I'm not a man of my word.
Raylan: No. My opinion? Sounds closer to home. What do your CIs say?
Raylan: Art told me to steer clear of the investigation. Let me get this straight. When Art gives you orders, you actually follow them? Or are you just saying that to hurt my feelings? Seriously, Ray, have you pissed off any shitkickers lately?
[ Gunfire ]
[ Gunfire stops ]
We clear? Well, Baz, looks like you got at least one close enough to let a guy know you're shooting at him. Maybe it'll scare him enough, he'll have a heart attack. There's something wrong with my action. Bullshit. I checked it myself. How's a guy who spent his whole life in Harlan county never learned to shoot better than that?
Dickie: Hey, hey, listen up. Listen up. A guy his size don't need to shoot, just like he don't need to fight, all right? I mean, Coover... he... [Laughs] He loved to wave that pistol around all over the place. But the the truth is, he couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat. Yeah, but I would love to hear somebody say that Coover couldn't fight.
Dickie: Yeah, Coover... he could fight. He could fight. But he didn't have to. That's the thing. That's what I'm saying. Right, Baz? Yes, sir.
Dickie: Just like Baz. Yes, sir. Listen, man. Your marksmanship is just gonna take a little while to catch up to your fists. Until then, all you have to do... is just put that bad boy inside your coat, square off with some cowboy, point it in his general direction. He comes within 20 feet or so, you cut him right in half. Ohh, oh, oh, oh. [ Chuckling ] Easy. Maybe one... just one little rule. When you do shoot that thing, please make sure as sh1t that I am behind you.
[ Both chuckle ]
All right, man.
Dickie: All right. Here we go. And 1... And 2... Whoo!
[ Keys jingle ]
[ Water running ]
Tim: I hope you don't think you're going anywhere without your bodyguard.
Raylan: I was just gonna pick up some ice cream.
Tim: Ice cream for breakfast?
Raylan: Yeah.
It's got eggs, milk.
Tim: You know an ice-cream shop open this early?
Raylan: No, but there's a store down the road that carries some.
Tim: Well, I'm here to keep you alive, not help you shop.
Raylan: I ain't asking for your help.
Tim: It's from the movie. She asks Costner to hand her her jacket.
Raylan: Well, you start singing that song, I'm gonna make a run for it right now.
Tim: Well, I do the Dolly Parton version.
Winona: Some of it is his mom's, which, you know... but we have to keep it in here just to...
Gary: Rachel. It's awful nice getting to see your face in the morning, no matter the reason.
Rachel: I just need to... Yeah.
[ Footsteps depart ]
Gary: Winona, I just... I...
I want you to know that I'm... I'm sorry for everything.
Winona: Oh, you mean, like, the horse and all the insurance stuff and acting like a prick at the settlement conference and...
Gary: Yes, all of it. I mean, sometimes I'll do something, and... and it feels like it's not even me doing it. You know, like I'm... like I'm watching myself from the outside, and... and I'm saying, "well, who is this guy? What is he thinking?" I guess that sounds crazy.
Winona: No, not as crazy as it might have sounded a couple weeks ago.
Gary: I made some terrible choices lately, and I don't know why.
Winona: Well, I can't throw stones on that score, so... Do you want some coffee?
Tim: Tell me again why we passed the first two places on the way here?
Raylan: The first place keeps its icebox too cold.
Tim: All right. And the supermarket after that?
Raylan: The supermarket's too big. The delivery man must let the ice cream sit there 10, 15 minutes while he loads the pallets. Leads to freezer burn. Plus, these guys carry Chaney's. Sure you don't want some?
Tim: A little early in the day for me.
Raylan: Well, it's 5:00 P.M. somewhere.
Tim: What's this?
Raylan: I was just gonna... Do I look like the "climb out the bathroom window" type?
Tim: All right. Go to your bathroom. Is that it?
Tim: Yep. You don't have a restroom, do you?
Arlo: You know, it's the eighth bullet I've taken. The first three were at one sitting, when sappers tried to overrun us at Nha Trang. The last one before this was from my own son. That's something you and I have got in common... we've both taken a bullet from Raylan Givens.
[ Chuckles ]
But there's something else we both have, and that's a talent for playing the angles. Way you worked that coal lady... well, my hat's off to you.
Boyd: Well, that's very kind of you to say, Mr. Givens.
Arlo: Call me "Arlo."
Boyd: Well, Arlo, the reason why we're here is there's parts of my daddy's business that even Johnny here wasn't privy to... things that Bo might have given up before we come of age.
Johnny: The way I understand it, Arlo, is, uh, back in the day, when this place was really the wild west, the only way anyone would come in here from out of town to do a deal... say, uh, pick up a big pot harvest... was if you and uncle Bo would ride in and out with them. Figured no one would be dumb enough to hijack a load if it meant the whole family would have to spend the rest of their lives looking over their shoulders.
Boyd: Now, had my daddy been a more calculating man, when those arrangements were no longer necessary, he might have used his knowledge of where and how those loads were packaged and transferred to, uh, get in the hijacking business himself.
Arlo: [ Chuckles ] I mention Raylan took off my ankle tether? It means I'm free to come and go as I please.
Boyd: Well, how about that leg, Arlo? Is it free to come and go as it pleases?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Engine shuts off ]
Helen: Are they still at it?
Ava: Looks that way.
I think I'm gonna cut 'em out. Maybe quit drinking, too. Live life clean for a while. I got it.
Helen: Thank you.
Ava: Mm-hmm.
Helen: Any idea what they're all cooking up in there?
Ava: Give me. Not a clue.
Helen: Oh, that's good. There have been lots of times I wish I knew less about what he does. I can't ever remember a time I wished I knew more.
Ava: Miss Helen, are you giving me motherly counsel?
Helen: Well, just remember, honey, no matter what anyone does to you... how much they scare you, how much they hurt you, you can't tell what you don't know.
Raylan: Boys. Mags. It looks like you're getting ready for a war.
Mags: Is that all you got to say to me?
Raylan: You want to tell me what's happening here?
Mags: Some of the people haven't taken too kindly to the deal I made with that coal lady. Bad enough they painted... painted the walls...broke out the windows... Took everything they could carry off the shelves... One of them... relieved himself on the floor. Now, that ain't gonna happen twice.
Raylan: Someone took a run at me last night. Almost got my ex-wife for good measure.
Mags: You think it was me who give the order?
Raylan: It crossed my mind.
Mags: You did kill my baby.
Raylan: Yeah.
Mags: But I was the one that let him become a nitwit. Now, I'm not taking the blame, mind you. Coover had plenty of time to straighten himself out. And you did save Loretta... saved me from living out my days with her blood on me. I'm not sure it makes us exactly even, but I made a deal with your aunt Helen to keep the lid on, and I intend to honor it.
Raylan: And what about the rest of the family? They agree to that?
Mags: How's Loretta?
Raylan: Well, she seems fine, considering.
Mags: Make sure she knows I didn't mean for any of this to happen... any of it.
Raylan: Did you bring me my change?
Tim: Nope. Ice cream's melted, too.
Raylan: You found me. I'm impressed.
Tim: Yeah, give me a little credit. I'm a professional.
Raylan: Okay.
Tim: Is she behind it?
Raylan: She says no.
Tim: What's with the Oak Ridge boys out in front of her place?
Raylan: Well, it's all about that Black Pike deal.
Tim: So you're done here?
Raylan: Yeah. Oh, and just so you're not confused, I'm now gonna go to Winona's, check in on her... unless, of course, that's against the rules.
Tim: The only rule is you don't ditch me in the middle of a damn convenience store. And I'm not telling Art, by the way, 'cause that'd be my ass, too. So, yeah, let's go see your ex-wife, girlfriend, whatever it is we're calling her.
[ Siren chirps ]
[ Vehicle doors closing ]
Raylan: Well, look at that, Doyle.
I never have to look for you.
Doyle: Are you looking for me? 'Cause I got a call saying you were here harassing a grieving old woman.
Raylan: Oh. Well, someone hired a couple pros to clip me last night.
Doyle: I guess they hired the wrong pros, huh?
Raylan: I guess.
Doyle: You think mama sent them?
Raylan: Not necessarily. It could have been you.
Doyle: If the police chief wants to kill a guy, he ain't got to send anyone. He just waits for the guy to show up on his turf, and he rolls up on him with a bunch of his police officers. You know, that way, he can make it look like the guy died resisting arrest. Or if that don't fly, well, hell, he could just, uh, disappear the body down an old, boarded-up mine shaft.
Mags: Doyle. Doyle! Deputy Givens come here to ask a question. Now he's got his answer, he and his friend are gonna head back home. Everything I said holds.
Doyle: All right. I mean, you think I sent them hitters, you got to figure, when you get down here, there's a chance. I might want to O.K. Corral it. You bring one man to back you up?
Raylan: Yeah, well, I thought you'd bring more guys. I hope you'll take this in the spirit it's intended. I made a lot of money with your daddy, but that man didn't know a damn thing about growing weed.
Dickie: Well, that was a different time. Well, the point is, Coover was a genius. I mean, I'd put his sh1t on my Mount Rushmore. That Hindu kush can kiss my ass.
Dickie: Nice of you to say. [ Chuckles ] It's true. He was a genius. And I got to tell you, when all this happened, I-I didn't know what to expect. I come down here, and I see you are on the bean. A-Ron, right here.
[ Chuckles ]
Dickie: Ho!
I'm assuming you want 80 again, like last time. Absolutely.
Dickie: Okay. You okay using the Bennett scale?
[ Chuckles ]
[ Guns cock ]
You have any idea who I am?
Boyd: Rodney "Hot Rod" Dunham out of Memphis, Tennessee. You know what that means?
Boyd: Oh, it means I'm in the right place. I thought over your offer, Dick. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to respectfully decline. You want to hear my counter? Since you called off the deal that I made with your mama, I'm gonna have to take all the weed business, too, starting with this right here. You think I won't find you?
Boyd: Oh, no, sir. I'm counting on you to find me. You just bought some of my best weed to take to the good people of Memphis. Now, I hope you come back for a whole lot more. Now, if you'll get your entourage here to tote these bags out to the car, we'll get you packed up and loaded on your way. Come on.
Dickie: Okay, we got to hit back right away. That is the first priority... only priority, right? I mean, the money and the reefer... that is just... it's gravy. Got to hit back right away. Why? Because we got to stop people thinking, "Hey, we can just rip these guys off and not pay a price." Do you understand? So listen up. Look, look, Dickie, man, I... I'm sorry, man. I-I'm out.
Dickie: You... I... [ laughs ] I'm sor... did you say you're... you're out? What... Listen, man, I joined up with y'all 'cause I needed to make a little cash. I ain't trying to go to no war.
Dickie: It's okay with you if Boyd Crowder just... psssss... piss all over our reputation... piss all over our reputation? You understand that?
That's your reputation.
Dickie: You... I'm out, too.
Dickie: Ho!
[ Chuckles ]
This is what I get for hiring muscleheads. You gonna want to get out of my way, Dickie, before you end up hurt.
Dickie: Are you sure about that? I am pretty damn sure about that.
Dickie: Okay. Be gone. Godspeed. Gentlemen. Uh, Baz, uh, just one more thing, man.
[ Gunshot ]
[ Thud ]
Jesus!
[ Gunshot ]
Dickie: Huh.
Yep. What about you, Jed? Are you gonna tell me you want out, too? Hell, no. What do we do now?
Dickie: [ Sighs ] The faster we get him out of here, the safer. That's right. We'll outsmart him every step. We'll outsmart him. We only got two, three hours' head start.
Winona: Did you really expect her just to admit it?
Raylan: I thought there was a chance.
Winona: Well, just 'cause she didn't doesn't mean you can be certain.
Raylan: No.
Gary: Y-you think it's possible that they never find out who was behind it?
Raylan: If they don't try again.
Gary: What about the FBI? Do they have any suspects?
Rachel: Not that we know of.
Gary: Well... If y'all excuse me, I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open.
Winona: Yeah, it's been a hell of a couple days.
Gary: Uh, Raylan?
Raylan: Hmm?
Gary: I owe you an apology. Last night, my behavior... I-I-I shouldn't have come at you like that.
Raylan: You didn't say anything I wasn't saying to myself.
Winona: If there is a silver lining to all this, it's that he has come back from that crazy line he crossed over. He actually apologized to me about all that bullshit at the lawyer's office and about the crazy insurance stuff.
Raylan: But why is he here, exactly?
Winona: This is his house. I know technically it's his house, but... Maybe we could talk about this in private?
Raylan: Okay. Yeah, in fact, you guys don't need to be here, either.
Rachel: Excuse me?
Winona: Yeah, I'm... I'm gonna go to bed before I turn into a pumpkin. Would you care to join me?
Raylan: Yeah, I-I'll be there in a minute.
Tim: I feel like I'm in "The Big Chill."
Raylan: Yeah, except no one's dead.
Tim: Yet.
Rachel: And the music sucks.
Raylan: Well, then go home, get some sleep.
Rachel: Art wants somebody here.
Raylan: I'm here... me and my shadow.
Tim: Yeah, we're here till you leave.
Raylan: What's that supposed to mean?
Tim: Do you not remember this morning?
Rachel: What happened this morning?
Raylan: I told you I was gonna do that.
Tim: And now you're telling me you won't?
Raylan: Exactly.
Rachel: Do what? Whatever. Listen, I take my orders from Art, which means I'm gonna be here unless he says otherwise. I will, however, take you up on that sleep. I'm assuming you two can handle the night watch.
Tim: I'm gonna go to sleep, too. I'll relieve you in four hours.
Boyd: Well, I must say, with all this money on the table, I'm surprised by the lack of a smile on your face.
Arlo: I think Dickie might have made me.
Devil: [ Chuckling ] Unh-unh. No chance, man. The way you moved in there, he probably thought there was a 25-year-old hardcase under that mask.
[ Chuckles ]
Johnny: That field you're looking at, Ava... when we were kids... Boyd and me... we'd be out there sunup till sundown playing with this old George Blanda football that Bowman had.
Bo and my daddy... they'd come out and play with us from time to time, till Bowman got so big, he started running them over.
Boyd: Hey, Johnny.
Ava: I hope you understand if picturing Bowman and your uncle Bo here doesn't exactly make my heart sing.
Boyd: Johnny, finish counting out these shares. Hey.
Ava: Mm-hmm.
Boyd: Hey, hey, hey. Johnny don't mean no harm. Okay?
Ava: I know. I just... I got some bad memories of this place.
Boyd: Well, we're not gonna come up here again.
Ava: Is that a fact? How long we staying?
Boyd: A day. Two, maybe.
Ava: Is there any reason in particular we're staying?
Boyd: I'm just laying low 'cause I want to see how Dickie responds.
Ava: If you're so worried about him, why did you take him on?
Boyd: No, I'm not worried about him. But how he responds will let me know whether or not his mama's behind him.
Ava: I don't want you to keep anything from me.
Boyd: As you please.
[ Smooches ]
How are those shares working out, Johnny?
[ Vehicle passing ]
[ Beeping ]
[ Beeping stops ]
[ Urinating ]
Uhh!
Raylan: What are you doing? Huh? You don't piss on someone's lawn. Get in the passenger's seat. Let the heater start drying your pants. You mind if I zipper up first?
Raylan: I'd mind if you didn't.
[ Zipper zips ]
Put them through the wheel. Cuff the other hand. Future reference, a guy sitting for an hour in a running car is either on a stakeout or getting his ashes hauled. Either way, I don't think that's the figure you want to cut. Now, look. I know it's unseasonably cold at the moment. Wouldn't be fun sitting all night in a car without the heat on, but this is the life we've chosen.
[ Bullet clinks ]
Smart keeping a round in the chamber. I know some folks worry about accidental discharge, but with safeties so well made these days, I just can't see it. "Baxter-Hawley Construction. Frankfort, Kentucky." Construction, huh? This ain't over.
Raylan: Now, I'm gonna need you to sit tight for a second while I sort some things out. Hopefully, the good folks at Baxter-Hawley Construction can get along without you for a while.
[ Beep ]
Hey, Dan, it's Raylan. Do me a favor. Run the ownership records for a construction company. Gary, listen to me very carefully. I don't know why you did it. I don't care why. Right now, I just need you to take me to see Duffy.
Gary: [ Stammering ]
Raylan: Gary, I don't got time for this sh1t. Now, you are gonna take me to see Duffy. The only question is what I'm gonna have to do to you first.
Gary: [ Gagging ]
Raylan: We're gonna do this the hard way. Let's go. Let's see what the guy in the car does when I toss you out the front door.
Gary: What guy? What car?
Raylan: The white guy in the gray Taurus that's registered to a company owned by Duffy's sister. Now, don't you worry about that. He's not here for you.
Gary: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Raylan: Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
Gary: I tried to call it off.
Raylan: When?
Gary: Do you have any idea what it's like to think of her being with you?
Raylan: I think I know exactly what that's like.
Gary: Every time I close my eyes, I think about her m-moaning your name.
Raylan: When did you call it off, hmm? After they tried and missed? And how did that go?
Gary: He said he wanted me to come by so we could talk it over.
Raylan: Yeah, but you came here instead, drafted off Winona's protection. What happens when we pull it? We're not gonna do this forever. What happens then? The best chance you got is helping me get to him before he gets to you.
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Hawkins.
[ Beep ]
Wynn: Gary, I thought you would have realized by now what happens when you try to dodge me.
[ Chuckles ]
Well, I'm glad you came to your senses. I want you to meet me on 75 south at the big rest stop just past Highbridge Creek. You know where that is?
Gary: Okay. He wants me to meet him... Highbridge Creek rest stop. I heard.
Wynn: You hear where we're going? Yes, sir.
Wynn: Oh, and, uh, see if you can find a place to stop on the way to get some painter's plastic and some garbage bags. Got it.
Gary: You know, the more I think about this, uh, I don't think this is a good idea. I-I... you know, Duffy is crazy. I think... I think you need to call for some back...
Raylan: We ain't calling anybody.
Gary: Why not?
Raylan: 'Cause all they'll do is try to arrest him.
[ Knock on door ]
Raylan: Back up.
Hands where I can see them.
Wynn: Gary... I'm pretty confident this is not what we discussed on the telephone. Marshal.
Raylan: Mr. Duffy.
Wynn: Should I be putting my hands up or something?
Raylan: The guys from last night... you get them from your colleagues in the security community?
Wynn: Does it really matter? Or I guess I could say, "What guys?"
Raylan: What did Gary promise you? Some part in the insurance money?
Wynn: You ask him?
Raylan: I'm asking you.
Wynn: I have the funny feeling anything I say can and will be used against me, or maybe I've just seen too much "Law & Order."
Raylan: Nothing will be used against you. We're gonna end this... right now.
Wynn: That sounds ominous.
Raylan: Well, that depends. I figure you're good enough that no one can link the hitters from last night to you.
Wynn: Thank you.
Raylan: Except, of course, for Gary. He seems like a bit of a loose end. Gary could put you in for all day.
Gary: Raylan, what are... what are you doing?
Raylan: Gary doesn't realize you were gonna kill him anyway. I mean, that's why you had the button man outside his house, right?
Gary: Raylan, you can't seriously...
Raylan: Gary. Gary. They ain't gonna kill you right now... not in front of a deputy U.S. marshal. Your problem is that I'm just about done here. I don't care where you go. I'd leave the country, but that's entirely up to you, as long as we never see you again. I'd go... now.
[ Door opens ]
Wynn: Do you want to explain what just happened, or should we all just pretend that's completely normal?
Raylan: Believe me, I'd like nothing more than to lean on him, use him to put you away, let Winona see what he really is.
Wynn: But?
Raylan: I think it would just tear her apart.
Wynn: So... Are we finished?
Raylan: As long as you understand that the next time we have this conversation, there won't be a conversation.
Tim: I wake up from my shift on guard duty and come down here to find I've got no one to relieve.
Raylan: Winona?
Tim: She's still asleep.
Rachel, too. Gary's not in his room, but somehow I think that's not news to you. Did you kill him?
Raylan: No.
Tim: You kill anybody?
Raylan: No.
Tim: Well, I guess there's that. You find out who was behind the hit?
Raylan: How much you want to know, hmm?
Tim: Yeah, forget I asked.
[ Glass breaks ]
[ Footsteps in distance ]
[ Door closes ]
[ Objects clattering ]
Helen: [ Scoffs ]
Damn it, Arlo! You have any idea what time it is?! You about scared the ever-loving sh1t out of...
Dickie: Oh, hey, did you know you're out of beer?
Helen: We drink liquor in this house.
Dickie: Are you... offering liquor in this house?
Helen: No, I am not. In fact, I was just about to ask you to leave.
Dickie: Isn't that something? We were just about to tell you that we need to talk to Arlo.
Helen: He's not here.
Dickie: Because Arlo is off somewhere with Boyd Crowder counting my money.
Helen: I wouldn't know about that.
Dickie: I tell you what. That don't really matter, 'cause Arlo knows.
Helen: Then you best be gone when he gets back. Otherwise, he's gonna make what Raylan did to your knee feel like a hand job from an angel.
Dickie: If Arlo cares about you at all, the only thing that he's gonna be doing when he gets back home... is figuring out how to get me back what's mine. Now, why don't you just put down the peashooter there and come on in? Come on. Come on, make me some eggs or something. What do you say?
Helen: After Arlo gives you back... whatever it is he took from you... What'll you do to him then?
Dickie: What do you think?
Helen: Oh! | Plan: A: Raylan; Q: Who saves Gary from being killed? A: his fellow marshals; Q: Who does Raylan defy to look into an attempt on his and Winona's lives? A: her ex-husband Gary and Dixie Mafia lieutenant Wynn Duffy; Q: Who does Raylan come into contact with when he defies his fellow marshals? A: Gary; Q: Who ordered the hit on Winona? A: Jere Burns; Q: Who played Wynn Duffy? A: the hit; Q: What did Gary order? A: Harlan; Q: Where does Raylan tell Gary to leave? A: Boyd; Q: Who enlists Arlo in a move against Dickie's drug dealing business? A: Dickie; Q: Who identifies Arlo as one of the masked accomplices? A: a deal; Q: What does Boyd hijack? A: a mask; Q: What did Arlo wear that Boyd did not? A: Arlo's limp; Q: What is the identifying feature that Dickie uses to identify Arlo as one of the masked accomplices? A: 2am; Q: When does Dickie go to Arlo's house to find Arlo? A: Helen; Q: Who does Dickie kill when he goes to Arlo's house to find Arlo? Summary: Raylan defies his fellow marshals in order to look into an attempt on his and Winona's lives, a move that brings him back into contact with her ex-husband Gary and Dixie Mafia lieutenant Wynn Duffy ( Jere Burns ). Raylan discovers that Gary has ordered the hit and figures out that Gary will be killed by Duffy once the hit is carried out. Raylan then saves Gary and tells him to leave Harlan and never return. Boyd enlists Arlo in a move against Dickie's drug dealing business and hijacks a deal (Boyd did not wear a mask, while his three accomplices, including Arlo, did). Dickie identifies Arlo as one of the masked accomplices based on Arlo's limp. When Dickie goes to Arlo's house at 2am to find Arlo, he ends up killing Helen. |
(JOE'S BAR)
(Meredith alone at the bar, drinking tequila again)
Meredith: I actually said "Pick me." Right? I did? "Pick me"?
Joe: I think it's romantic.
Meredith: It's not romantic, Joe, it's horrifying. Horror movie horrifying. Carrie at the prom with the pig's blood horrifying.
Joe: Ok, fine, it's horrifying. But Carrie took out an entire senior class as revenge. Gotta say, I like that in a girl.
Meredith: I said "Pick me."
(Izzie, George and Cristina also in the bar)
Cristina: When you tell someone "I'll meet you later at a bar tonight," how long exactly does that mean you're supposed to wait?
George: Do you think he's really not coming?
Izzie: It is getting a little hard to watch.
Cristina: It was hard to watch an hour ago. Now it's just pathetic.
Meredith: Who's pathetic?
(George & Izzie give Cristina a look. Cristina looks away)
Cristina: What?
Meredith (slightly inebriated): You, who pretend to be my friends are calling me pathetic behind my back in front of my face. (George points to Cristina as if to say her, not me) Why don't you just dump the pig's blood on me now and get it over with?
(The door bell jingles as someone walks into the bar. It's Tyler the male scrub nurse. He gives a nod to them. Someone's pager goes off)
Meredith (to herself): He's really not coming.
(George's pager goes off. In fact every doctor's pager starts going off)
Bar Patron: Joe, turn up the TV!
(Bar TV is showing a train wreck)
TV: A massive train wreck occurred just outside of Seattle just minutes ago.
Cristina (looking at her pager): 911.
Izzie: We just worked a 30 hour shift.
George: I don't have any clean underwear.
(They all start packing up their bags)
TV: The Vancouver-bound train was carrying over 300 passengers.
Joe: Looks ugly.
TV: Paramedics are on scene helping victims.
(He notices that Meredith is also getting ready to leave)
Joe: You're leaving? No, no, no, you can't leave.
Meredith: Sorry, gotta go tend to someone else's train wreck.
Joe: You gotta at least stay for a cup of coffee. You're in no shape to cut people open. Plus, (he gestures about the whole M&D situation) I don't wanna miss the ending.
Cristina (calls from the door): Meredith?
Meredith: Maybe it's for the best. Maybe I don't wanna know.
(She makes towards the door)
Joe: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Meredith: Bye Joe.
MVO: In general... people can be categorized in one of two ways.
(Emergency entrance)
Paramedic: He was in the front of the train.
MVO: Those who love surprises, and those who don't.
(The interns and other doctors run up)
MVO: I don't.
(Derek finally enters Joe's, and looks for Meredith)
Joe: Dude, you're late.
TV: Once again, a massive train wreck occurred just outside of Seattle minutes ago.
(The interns are changing into scrubs in the elevator)
MVO: I've never met a surgeon that enjoys a surprise, because, as surgeons we like to be in the know. We have to be in the know. Because when we aren't, people die and lawsuits happen. Am I rambling? I think I'm rambling.
(Exit elevator)
Cristina (to George): I think I saw a pneumothorax. I hope I get a pneumothorax.
(They start grabbing some yellow gowns putting them on except Meredith)
Alex: Hey. Thought you weren't talking to me.
Izzie: Thought you could use a friend, so I'm rising above.
Alex: Why would you think that?
Izzie: Um, because you freaked out in the elevator.
Alex: I didn't freak out.
Izzie: And missed your chance to perform open-heart surgery.
Alex: O'Malley plugged the hole with his finger.
Izzie (sighs): I thought you could use someone to talk to.
Alex: Well, I don't.
Izzie: To someone who actually cares ...
Alex (interrupts): Yes, I get that, but don't ...
(Bailey enters, still dressed in her dress and heels)
George (in shock): Oh!
Bailey: What are you looking at?
(Bailey walks to Alex and hands him her jacket and purse)
Bailey: Hey, you, go get me my damn shoes. Let's move, people.
Meredith: Hello. I seem to be a little bit drunk. I was off duty.
Bailey: So was I! (To the others) Anybody else half in the bottle?
(They all shake their head no. George checks his breath to make sure)
Bailey: All right then. Grey just stay out of the way. I'll deal with you later. The rest of you, stick with me and wait for your assignments. (Cristina moves behind to tie up the back of Bailey's gown) Now you get all aquiver at the sight of blood, and organs but it's gonna be a long night and you already tired. I don't want any mistakes.
(Cristina is still tying up the gown)
Bailey (to Cristina): Come on now!
Cristina: I'm done. I'm done.
(They enter the ER that is full of patients)
Cristina: I'm so not tired anymore.
George: Me neither. I'm not tired either.
(Meredith sees Addison with a pregnant patient who is burned pretty badly and walks slowly to a wall and watches)
Addison: I've got a 3rd trimester burn victim here Dr. Bailey and I'm gonna need some help.
(Izzie, George & Cristina all put up their hand eagerly)
Bailey: Ah. Izzie, go.
(George and Cristina shoulders sag. Izzie is excited)
Izzie: Yes! Have a nice nap.
Addison (to patient): Have you had any contractions?
(Tyler the scrub nurse walks into the pit still dressed in his casual clothes from the bar. He sees Meredith standing against the wall)
Tyler: Oh hey. Joe told me to tell you that McSteamy came looking for you.
Meredith (perks a bit at this news): You mean McDreamy. Joe said McDreamy came looking for me?
Tyler: No. I'm pretty sure it was McSteamy.
(Derek enters)
George (to Cristina): Does that mean he picked her?
Cristina: If it does, I just lost 50 bucks.
(Paramedic rushes in holding a leg)
Paramedic: Got the leg!
(He holds up a severed leg. George and Cristina stare)
Cristina (almost groans): I want the leg.
(Tony a paramedic & Richard wheel in a guy who has a severed right leg through emergency double doors)
Tony: He's lost a lot of blood at the scene. Pressure dressings applied. 2 large boar IVs started.
Richard: Anything for the pain?
Tony: Base ordered morphine. 5 mgs given so far.
Richard: Dr. Bailey who you got?
(Both George & Cristina put up their hands eagerly almost whacking Dr. Bailey)
Bailey: Ah! Cristina. Go.
Cristina: Yes!
(She goes off running towards the severed leg guy. George slumps defeated)
Richard: Rule out other injuries and book an O.R.
(Cristina nods eagerly and starts wheeling of severed leg guy. Derek comes up to Richard)
Derek: Dr. Webber!
Richard: We have a train wreck Derek. We need all hands on deck. Now clear me for surgery or you're fired.
Derek: Any headaches today?
Richard: No!
Derek: Dizziness? Nausea? Blurred vision?
Richard: No! No! No and no. Now can you get out of my way?
(Richard starts walking away)
Derek: Fine. But I'm coming with you. (Richard gives Derek a look) Or I'm fired. Up to you.
(He gestures fine but doesn't look happy and walks off down the hall. Derek follows making eye contact with Meredith as he passes her, nodding slightly) George comes up to Meredith[/i])
George: Was that a nod?
Meredith: Yes.
George: Do we know what it meant?
Meredith: No.
George (seeing another patient wheel by an intern): Am I invisible?
MVO: Ok, so my point actually ... and I do have one. Has nothing to do with surprises or death or lawsuits or even surgeons.
(Alex comes into the pit with Dr. Bailey's normal work shoes, which by the way don't look very practical. She puts them on, removing her heels)
MVO: My point is this: whoever said what you don't know can't hurt you was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.
(Unbelievably two people from the wreck are sitting on a gurney together with a metal pole sticking through their abdomens. They are facing each other almost as if hugging. An older black man and young blond woman. Meredith sees this)
MVO: Ok, fine, maybe it's the second worst.
(Cut to trauma room 1 where the two people who have a pole through them are being checked on. Meredith is in there as well. A paramedic, Jill is outside talking to Dr. Burke and Dr. Bailey who are also amazed)
Jill: His BP is looking steady at 90 over pal. She's had 2 hypotensive episodes to the low seventies.
Burke: You couldn't get a saw in there?
Jill: Not without moving them.
Bailey: Which would have been a very bad idea.
(Pan inside to Meredith looking in amazement at the pole people. The blonde woman, one of the pole duo, Bonnie sees Meredith's curiosity)
Bonnie: Is this the craziest thing you ever seen?
Meredith: Uh. ... Yeah.
Bonnie: Yeah. Me too.
(Dr. Bailey gives Meredith a look to stay away from the patients. Meredith scurries off to the side where George & Alex are)
Jill: Ok, then. You guys got it from here?
Bailey: Hey uh ... you were at the scene?
Jill (nods): Won't be too bad for you. Lot of carnage. Not a lot of survivors.
(She walks off. Bonnie sees Dr. Burke and Dr. Bailey talking and appears agitated)
Burke: They're never gonna fit into CT. We're gonna be flying blind. Get x-rays and labs and page me the minute you're done.
Bonnie (calls out): Excuse me!
(Dr. Burke & Dr. Bailey walk into the trauma room)
Burke: Hi. I'm Dr. Burke. You shouldn't turn your head. You want to try and move as little as possible.
Bonnie: Oh ok. ... So are you gonna pull this pole out of us anytime soon?
Tom: Touch uncomfortable.
Burke (smiles): I'm sorry we can't until we get a better look on what's going on internally. But I assure you we will work as quickly as possible.
Bonnie: Well, in that case, does anybody have a breath mint?
(Dr. Burke smiles. Tom squints his eyebrows in question at her)
Bonnie: For me. Not for you.
(He smiles. She smiles back)
Burke (whispers to Bailey): Get them going
Bailey (nods): Uh O'Malley. Get them an X-ray.
George: Reall... (He nods. He gestures to Meredith to tie his gown) Thanks.
Bailey: Move them extremely carefully.
George (whispers to Meredith): This never would've happened before the elevator.
(Alex overhears and looks annoyed at this)
Meredith: You go George.
(George moves to the gurney. Dr. Bailey, Meredith & Alex walk out of the trauma room)
Bailey: Alex, cover the E.R. You can do sutures while you get over your new found fear of scalpels.
(Alex goes off)
Meredith (smiling still drunk): That was mean. Even for you.
Bailey (makes a face): You are drunk. Go, Go get yourself a banana bag IV and put it in your arm and then find me. Do not speak to any more patients. Do not practice any medicine.
Meredith (gestures tipsy): Well should I just go home?
Bailey: Well unless you drank the whole liquor bottle you'll be sober in a few hours. And the IV fluids will head off your hangover. Then you can assist with the many mangled victims you see spread out before you. Besides if I'm not going home, nobody's going home.
(She walks off and mutters to herself)
Bailey: 10 years of marriage and I didn't even get to finish my damn lobster.
(Cut to George with other doctors wheeling Bonnie & Tom really slowly through the hallway to the X-ray lab)
George: Well is there any one you'd like me to call?
Tom: No they called my wife from the ambulance.
Bonnie: And my fianc�. They're flying down from Vancouver together.
Tom: Normally, Amanda would be a tad upset to find me pressed up against another woman. (Bonnie laughs) But in this case I think I'll get a pass.
George: You two weren't traveling together?
Bonnie: No. We just met.
Tom: Bit of an awkward introduction.
Bonnie: You have very nice pores.
Tom (chuckles): Oh. Hurts to laugh.
(There is large queue waiting to get x-rays done. George taps an intern with a patient in a wheelchair)
George: Hey.
Intern: Hey. (The intern recoils when he sees Tom & Bonnie) Whoa. You can go ahead.
George: Oh. Thanks.
(George gestures for doctors to move B&T. George moves onto the next in line a female blonde intern. He clears his throat behind her and she turns around and sees the pole people)
Intern: Oh wow.
George: Do you think uh I could ...
Intern: Oh yeah go ahead.
(They make it into the x-ray room 1)
(Cut to Maternity hospital room where the burned pregnant women named Brooke is now in a hospital bed. Addison is viewing the machine for contractions. Izzie is treating the burns but keeps staring at Addison. Addison notice's this)
Addison: Dr. Stevens, do you need something?
Izzie: No.
(She goes back to treating the burns)
Brooke: Ow!
Izzie (stops): Oh I'm sorry am I doing this ...
Brooke: Ow! Oh. Ow. (She looks at Addison) Did ... was that a ...did I have ...?
Addison (looking at the print out): Contraction. It was definitely a contraction. We need to book an OR (Izzie nods and heads off) Look you are in no shape to push and the baby is still in some distress. You're going to have to proceed with a C-section.
Brooke: Ok. ... Ok but can we call a lawyer first? (Addison is confused) I don't have a will. And there's no father. And in case something happens to me ...
Addison: There's no cause for a panic Brooke. We have some time, ok?
Brooke: Ok.
(Cut to Izzie walking through the E.R. ward. Alex watches her walk by. He is suturing the forehead of a woman named Mary. Her friend Yvonne is standing in front of her bed. Yvonne's mobile rings)
Yvonne: Hello. Oh, oh, oh, no, no, no we fine. Yeah some redneck tried to out run the train. Honey the train slammed into his ass and then it rolled.
Alex (to Mary): That hurt?
(Mary mmm's no)
Yvonne: No, no, no, no, no that dude is toast. Honey, him and about 200 other people. And Mary got her face all cut up.
Alex: Hurt anywhere else?
Mary (points to her abdomen): Here. A whole bunch of luggage when they hit the brakes just came flying at us.
(Alex lifts up her gown and there is bruising there)
Alex: Ok I'll take you for an x-ray. See if anything's broken. Any internal injuries.
Mary: Ok.
(Alex and scrubs nurse start moving Mary's gurney. Yvonne notices this)
Yvonne: Yeah you know wait I'm going to have to call you back. (She hangs up her phone and calls out to Alex) Hey! Hey! Excuse me. Excuse me. Um, where you going?
Alex: I'm taking your friend for an x-ray.
Yvonne: Ah. (she chuckles) No offense little boy but uh you look like my oldest son. And he's nothing but trouble.
Mary: Yvonne, shut up.
Yvonne: What? I said no offense. I'm just saying are you sure you a doctor?
(Alex looks peeved at this. Yvonne is interrupted by her phone ringing and she picks it up)
Yvonne: Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, we fine. Yeah this redneck tried to outrun the train.
(Alex and the nurse continue wheeling Mary away)
(Cut to Izzie coming out a trauma room. She hears Meredith in the ER. behind some curtains going Ow)
Meredith: Ow ... Ow ... Ow ...
(Izzie pulls back the curtains and sees Meredith trying to insert an IV into her self)
Izzie: What're you doing?
Meredith: Trying to insert my banana bag. (Izzie smiles) Which sounds vaguely dirty but it isn't.
Izzie (pulling the curtain closed): I can do it.
(Izzie starts to putting in the IV for Meredith)
Meredith:: So, how's going with Addison? Bad mood? Good mood? Yay my husband picked me mood?
Izzie: Ah I think it's the more of the 'I hate the smell of charred flesh mood'.
Meredith: Before you judge me. I know there was a train accident. People are very badly hurt. And that I'm a vapid narcissist when you mix me with alcohol. (Izzie smiles) In case you were wondering. I know that.
Izzie: Well, for what it's worth, I take issue with her salmon colored scrubs. I mean what self respecting surgeon wears salmon colored scrubs?
Meredith (nods): This is what I'm saying.
Izzie: Yeah.
(She chuckles and leaves)
(Cut to the OR where Derek and Richard are repairing the nerves of the guy's leg. Cristina is off to the side cleaning the severed leg)
Richard (calls out): Yang. How's that wound looking?
Cristina: Pretty clean. Some dirt and gravel mostly.
Richard (to Derek): This guy was lucky. It's a guillotine injury. We do this right he'll have full use of his leg. (To another doctor) Um more irrigation right there.
(A pager goes off. There is a tray filled with various pagers. A doctor picks it up and reads it)
Doctor: Dr. Shepherd.
(Richard lifts his head up and starts blinking in the light like his head hurts. Derek notices this)
Derek: It'll wait.
Richard: Hmm. I'm fine Derek. Just adjusting to the light.
Derek (shakes his head): I'm saying that there's no shame in taking a little more time off. Doesn't make you old or tired or rusty, it ... (Richard gives him a look) Yeah ok that came out wrong.
Richard: You're the only attending neurosurgeon and you're obviously needed elsewhere. And I'm fine here.
Doctor: Dr. Shepherd?
(Derek nods at Richard and steps away from the surgery)
Derek: Ok. Page me if you need me.
(Derek leaves)
Richard: When you finished cleaning that wound you can help me here Dr. Yang.
(Cristina looks concerned about something, looking at the severed leg and then back at the surgery)
Richard: Is the wound clean, Yang?
Cristina: Yes sir. (She looks back at the severed leg) I ... but ...
Richard: But what? (She looks back at Richard who speaks angrily) If your plan is to be a watchdog for Dr. Shepherd or if you think your job here is to baby-sit me then you can think again. I've been a surgeon longer than you've been breathing. And if I were not ready to be in this OR, I would say so. Is that understood?
Cristina: Yes sir.
Richard: Now do we have a problem Yang?
Cristina: Uh yes! (He gives her look) No sir. I mean I'm thrilled to learn and I'm grateful to be here it's just (she glances back at the severed leg) that ah ... (she wheels over the severed leg) Sorry. His legs.
(She lifts up the sheet covering the patient's intact leg)
Cristina: They're both left.
Richard (annoyed): Find the man's leg, Yang. Find it now.
Cristina: Yes, sir.
(She heads out)
(Cut to the X-ray observation room. George & Dr. Bailey are standing looking at the scans. Dr. Burke is sitting on a chair looking at them on a computer screen. Meredith is just standing off to the side with her banana bag IV)
George: Is, is it going straight through her spine?
Bailey: It is. T8's completely crushed.
(Derek walks in)
Derek: Hey. (He notices Meredith with her bag) What happened?
Meredith: Uh, tequila.
(He nods)
Bailey: I'm keeping an eye on her.
(He nods again and then notices the x-rays)
Derek: Look at this. These people are still alive?
George: They're still making small talk.
Bailey: Pole's tamponading the wound as far as we can see.
Derek (looking at the x-ray): It's hitting the aorta.
Burke: And look at him. It's right in line with his inferior vena cava.
George: Is there anyway to operate without separating them?
(Dr. Burke shakes his head)
Derek: No.
George: But if we move the poll ...
Bailey: They'll both bleed out.
Burke: What if we don't move the poll? What if we move one of the patients off the poll to get the saw in there? Then we can hold the pole steady in the other one. Move it very slowly and repair the damage as we go.
George: Who? Which would you move?
(Derek glances at Meredith who stares back at him)
Burke: With her aortic injuries, her chances of survival are extremely slim no matter what we do. But if we move her, we have a real shot of saving him.
Derek: Well I could argue since her injuries are so extensive we should move him. Give her the best shot we can.
Meredith: So basically whoever you move doesn't stand a chance? (They all glance at her unsettled) So how do you choose? How do you decide who gets to live?
(Outside SGH)
(Hallway)
(Cut to Derek and Burke walking down the hallway talking. Bailey and Meredith are walking behind them a few feet a way)
Burke: We have to make this call soon if we want our shot of saving either one of them.
Derek: I'd like to examine them before I weigh in.
Burke: I'll wait for your page.
Derek: Thank you.
(Dr. Burke walks off. Derek turns around and attempts to talk to Meredith)
Derek: Dr. Grey ...
Bailey (interrupts): Uh Dr. Grey needs to get herself a blood alcohol test before practicing any medicine tonight.
Meredith: What? No. I'm totally fine. Look. (She starts putting her arms out and then bringing her finger tips to her nose. Derek looks amused. Bailey gives him a look) Totally fine.
Derek (to Bailey): Right, ok.
(He wanders off)
Meredith: I'm fine.
Bailey: Regretting that last shooter about now aren't you?
(Cut to Cristina rummaging through an ambulance outside, tearing it apart)
Jill the paramedic: What are you doing in here?
Cristina: Uh the leg you brought in with the amputee...
Jill: I didn't bring in an amputee.
Cristina: Ok well uh one of you did and it's ah...
Jill (chuckles interrupting): Because all paramedics look alike to you, right ... Doctor?
Cristina: Ok, really, ah um I can not straddle another giant ego right now. I'm already doing the splits so I need a right leg, right now, or the chief of surgery is going to take away my pretty blue scrubs.
Jill: When the train de-railed it hit an overpass. The roof of the dining car was sheared off and it sliced through a passenger car. There were multiple decapitations. Your guy can live without his leg.
Cristina: This is so not about the leg. Or the guy. But thank you. (She starts walking back into the hospital but turns around sarcastic) For all that you do. Really. Thanks.
(Cut back to ER ward where Yvonne is still on the phone being annoying. Alex is treating a pregnant woman named Jana in a neck brace who is in the bed next to Mary. Alex annoyed closes though curtain in Yvonne's face so he doesn't have to see her)
Alex: All right. Scars shouldn't be too bad.
Jana: Can you tell me? My friend ... she's pregnant too. She was put in a different ambulance. She was burnt. Do you know where she is?
Alex: If she's not down here she should be up in maternity.
Jana: Ok. I need to see her.
(Jana starts getting out of her hospital bed)
Alex: Hold on. We're not finished here. We still have to do a full check.
Jana: My baby's fine. I can feel her kicking. I gotta see Brooke.
(Jana starts walking off with her IV)
Alex (walking quickly after her): Uh wait you can't just leave like that. Just wait ... come here, come here.
(Camera pans back through a window to an adjacent hallway that can look into the ER ward. George and Meredith are sitting below the window)
Meredith: Ow.
(George is giving an IV to take a sample of Meredith's blood)
Meredith: Ow. Shh.
George: Sorry.
Meredith: So you operated on a heart earlier George. You think you could draw a little blood.
George: I rocked that heart.
Meredith: Yeah you did.
George: I think I'm strung out on the scalpel.
Meredith (smiling): Nothing wrong with that.
George: So any news? About ...
Meredith: No. I can't read him.
George: You know, I think, I think it's pretty amazing you even gave him the choice. And I think for what it's worth I think he's crazy if he doesn't pick you.
(Cristina comes up hurriedly up to them)
Cristina: Please tell me you've seen a right leg. A cleanly severed right leg?
George: No.
(Cristina hurries off)
Meredith: How weird is this job?
George: Weird.
(Cut to Jana walking fast into Brooke's maternity room. Addison is in there. Izzie is outside at the nurse's station)
Jana: Brooke!
Brooke: Jana? (Jana walks up to Brooke and they smile) Thank god.
(Alex walks in after Jana. Addison comes to the door to speak to him. Izzie walks up to the door behind Alex)
Addison: Dr. Karev?
Alex: I couldn't stop her ...
Addison (cuts him off): She was on the train?
Alex: Yeah, yes.
Addison (slightly angry): You did an ultrasound? (Alex is silent) Cleared her C-spine? Is there any reason you can think that this patient should be wandering around the hospital unattended?
Alex: She's not unattended. I came up with her. She's, she's ...
Addison (interrupts angry): You can leave now. ... Dr. Karev.
(Alex walks off upset. Addison walks up to Izzie)
Addison: Irresponsible. Even for an intern. (Izzie gives her a look) What you disagree?
Izzie: She wanted to see her friend. I mean what was he supposed to do tackle her?
Addison: Dr. Stevens, why don't you get our new patient into a bed? Shall we?
(Izzie nods and they walk to Brooke & Jana)
(Cut to a trauma room where Derek is testing to see if Bonnie has any feeling in her feet)
Derek: Can you feel that Miss Krasnoff?
Bonnie: Hmm. You're a cute Doctor. Cute doctors get to call me by my first name.
Derek (smiling): Bonnie?
Bonnie (smiles): Mmm.
Derek: Ok, Bonnie. Do you feel that Bonnie?
Bonnie: Can I feel what? Oh well I guess that's a no.
(George enters the room)
George: Excuse me, Dr Shepherd?
Derek: Yes?
George: I got the labs.
Derek: Oh great. Thank you. (He takes the labs of George and hands him a patient's chart) Here you go. Hold that please.
(He looks over the labs)
Derek: Could you try to wiggle your toes Mr. Maynard?
(Tom wiggles his toes but due to his position can't see)
Tom: Are they moving?
Derek: Yes, they are.
Tom (half chuckles happy): Oh good. That's good right?
Derek: Yes it is. Yes. It is.
Bonnie: What about me? Are mine moving?
(Derek moves to have a closer look. They're not moving. George also sees this)
Derek: Yes, they are.
Bonnie (smiles in relief): Yay me.
(George looks at Derek questioningly, but Derek says nothing)
Tom: Dr ... ah Shepherd is it?
Derek: Yes it is.
Tom: Dr. Shepherd ... Bonnie and I ... are we gonna live through this?
Bonnie: Now that's just morose Tom.
Tom: I'm sorry dear. (To Derek) ... Doctor?
Derek: We're gonna do everything we can Mr. Maynard.
(Cut back to OR with Richard and the amputee. Cristina comes in with a red garbage bag with a leg inside it. She hands it over to another Doctor)
Richard: About time Yang. I was starting think here my work would be wasted.
Cristina: So sorry. It wasn't easy to find. I took the liberty of checking the wound and it's very clean cut. Well preserved.
Doctor: Ah, Dr. Webber ...
(She shows him the amputated right leg. He looks at it. It's a shaven leg with red nail polish on the toe nails, a female leg. Richard looks annoyed and looks over at Cristina who is getting re-scrubbed up)
Cristina: Sir?
Richard: Notice anything else about that leg? Anything other than that very clean cut. (Cristina looks confused) Did you happen to notice for example that it was shaved recently? And manicured? (Angry now) Take a look at my patient, Dr. Yang! Does he look like a man who woke up and shaved one of his legs this morning?
Cristina (backing out of the O.R slowly): No. I'll go find the um right ... the right, right leg. The right, right ...
Richard (interrupts): Thank you!
(Cut to George & Derek looking at the pole people's scans again. Dr. Burke & Bailey walk in)
Burke: Where are we?
Derek: You were right. Her vitals are erratic. Pulse is weak. Spine severed. I was hoping it didn't hit from that angle. It just can't miss the aorta.
Bailey: What about him? Think he can live?
Derek: He's got better odds.
Bailey (to George): Alright. Let OR 1 know we're coming.
(George starts walking off)
Burke: Oh and O'Malley. (George stops) Close off the gallery. We don't need an audience for this.
George: She's cracking jokes. How do you tell somebody that she's gonna be dead in a few minutes when she's sitting up cracking jokes?
(They all look at George sad. George walks off)
(Cut back to ER ward where Alex is walking to a talk to a nurse. He is interrupted by Yvonne who is sitting down next to Mary, lying her head on Mary's bed)
Yvonne: Excuse me. Is there any chance that we can get out sometime this year?
Alex: Well the labs backed up (Yvonne rolls her eyes) and so is radiology. Can't discharge your friend until I'm certain she doesn't have any internal injuries.
(Yvonne's mobile starts ringing again and she answers. Alex starts talking with the nurse)
Yvonne: Hello? Yeah we still here. Cause the Doctor is friggin useless (Alex looks over at this) Mmm hmm.
(Alex walks off and passes Cristina who's at the corner of a hallway on a telephone)
Cristina: I realize you're dealing with a lot of carnage. I'm, I'm asking if you could maybe ... sift through some that carnage and find it ... (there's a click noise and then dial tone) Hello? (She hangs up the phone frustrated) Damn it.
(Dr. Burke up to her in the hallway)
Burke: Cristina. You paged me?
Cristina (upset): If I don't find this leg, the chief is gonna cut me from this program. And I cannot go back home, Burke. It is too sunny in Los Angeles. It's sunny everyday!
Burke: And you paged me because?
Cristina (loud): I need you to help me find the leg! I checked the board. You're not in surgery right? (Burke looks confused) You're my boyfriend. I mean... I know I don't have much experience with this kind of thing but (Dr. Burke tries not to smile) aren't boyfriends supposed to help in situations like this.
Burke (serious): Cristina, when we're on duty I can't be your boyfriend.
Cristina: Okay, so ah when we're on duty I can have s*x with some one else?
Burke: Dr. Yang. I'm walking away now.
(He starts walking off)
Cristina: Fine. Fine! But when the chief cuts me, you might re-think this!
(Cut to Alex & Meredith standing at on open doorway facing each other resting against the edges outside the Blood labs)
Meredith: Addison yelled at you in front of a patient?
Alex: She didn't exactly yell. (Meredith just looks at him expectantly. He sighs) Fine. She's Satan's whore.
Meredith: Thank you. ... So did you yell back?
Alex: No.
Meredith: Dude, you lost your mojo.
Alex: Excuse you?
Meredith: I was trying to talk boy.
Alex (frustrated): O'Malley plugs a hole with his finger and everyone walks around like he's some kind of hero. I have one off day.
Meredith: You chickened out.
Alex (chuckles): I hesitated briefly.
Meredith: Why didn't you kiss Izzie?
Alex (stops smiling): And now I'm leaving.
(He moves to walk off but Cristina comes running up to them upset)
Cristina: It's not in the morgue. I've looked in the ambulances and the E.R. How's one bloody hairy leg gonna destroy my career?
(She runs off. Meredith looks at Alex as if to say 'what was that?')
Lab Tech (from Blood Lab bench): Dr. Karev.
(Alex wanders over, takes the labs and starts walking off)
Meredith: I hope you find your mojo, Alex. I find you disturbing without it.
Alex (calls back): Me too.
(Meredith leans back against the doorway and hits her head)
Meredith: Ow.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Trauma room)
(Bailey, George & Derek are in there with Bonnie & Tom who are looking apprehensive)
Derek: This is hard, because your body is in a certain amount of shock. It's preventing you from feeling pain. (Burke walks in) Feeling the extent of your injuries.
Bonnie (softly): Dr. Shepherd. We have a metal pole cutting a path through our insides. I don't know about Tom here, but I didn't expect to walk out of here anytime soon. (George looks upset) So ... whatever it is you have to say just please ... say it.
Derek: Okay Bonnie. (he nods slightly) ... In order to operate on Mr. Maynard, we have to separate you two. In order to do that, we have to move you backwards off the pole.
Tom: Can't you just pull the pole out of both of us?
(Derek shakes his head no slightly at Bonnie)
Burke: Well if we did that, you would both start bleeding very quickly. Too quickly. Right now the pole is plugging the wounds. Once removed, the organs will shift and there's a great deal of damage.
Bonnie (trying not to cry): So if you move me, I'll die?
(There's a little bit of silence)
Derek: We're gonna do everything we can to ...
(Bonnie starts crying softly)
Tom (interrupts): No. No. If anyone body has to go it should be me. You just move ...
Burke (interrupts): No. Mr. Maynard ... Mr. Maynard your injuries are less extensive. (Dr. Shepherd takes Bonnie's hand and rubs it soothingly) If we pull the pole from you as we operate around it, we have a better chance at repairing the damage.
Tom: It's not right. It's not fair.
Bonnie (smiling sadly): Shh Tom. It's not fair either way. ... Is ah, is my Danny ... is he here yet?
George: There are delays at the airport, ah the storm.
Bailey: Uh we could wait but ah the longer we do the higher the risk of infection for the ...
Bonnie (interrupts sad): No, no. This is better. Huh. Danny, he wouldn't understand. I've had a couple of hours to, you know, (She takes a deep breath) process all of this. But if, if he had to see me ... talk to me like this ... well, I just think it would be too hard.
(Cut to Brooke & Jana's maternity hospital room. Brooke is lying on her side in bed and Jana is sitting next to her on a chair doing deep breathing with her. Izzie is administering an injection on Brooke with Addison watching)
Addison: Right there. In between the vertebral spaces. Don't be shy about pressure.
Jana (to Brooke): That's good. You are doing so good.
(Patricia, Richard's assistant pops into the room with some clip boards)
Patricia: Somebody called for a notary?
Brooke: I asked for a lawyer.
Patricia: I couldn't get one at this time of night but the hospital has pretty standard forms. It just says in the case of death or permanent vegetative state, that your child will remain the custody of ... and then we'll put her name in.
Jana: Wait, uh what? (To Addison) Who's dying here?
Addison: There's some danger. With any surgery, there's danger. But with the trauma of Brooke's burns there's an additional risk of shock. She just wants to be certain.
Jana: That's ridiculous. (To Brooke) You're being ridiculous. You're gonna be fine, do you hear me?
Brooke: I hear you but we still have to sign the forms unless you want our son to end up with my mom.
(Jana takes the forms of Patricia and hands some to Brooke. They start signing them)
Izzie: How long have you two been together?
Brooke: Since third grade.
Jana: We're not lovers. We're best friends. We just wanted our kids to have two parents. So we got a sperm donor.
Addison: The same donor? So you're babies are brother and sister?
(Jana nods)
Patricia: Oh how cool is that.
(Izzie and Addison smile)
Izzie: It's ah ... wow.
(Jana's water breaks)
Jana: Wet.
Izzie: What?
Patricia (looking down): Oh.
Jana: I'm wet.
Izzie: Oh god.
Jana: I think my water just broke.
(Cut to Alex in ER ward. He walks up to Mary's bed. Yvonne is still sitting in the chair and resting her head on Mary's bed but looks asleep)
Alex: Good news. You've a got a broken rib but we're gonna give you some pain killers and uh (Yvonne's really annoying ring tone starts going off again) after that you should be good to go.
Mary: Thank you. (The phone continues to ring but Yvonne doesn't move to answer it) Yvonne, answer your phone. (Alex looks annoyed but continues to look at his chart. Mary concerned sits up) Yvonne. Yvonne?
(She gently shakes her but Yvonne falls to the floor of the hospital floor unconscious)
Mary: Yvonne!
(Alex rushes to Yvonne's side checking her pulse)
Alex: Code blue! I need some help over here.
Mary: Yvonne!
(Cut to a trauma room where Yvonne is lying on a hospital gurney. Alex is performing CPR. A nurse and ER resident is also there. Mary is standing at the door panicked)
Alex: Push one of epi. Holds CPR.
Nurse: Her abdomen is distended. It's rock solid. She's lost too much blood. She's been bleeding for hours.
Mary: There's no blood. She's not bleeding.
Nurse: She was bleeding internally.
Alex: She didn't say anything. She wasn't ... she wasn't even a patient. ... I didn't know.
Nurse: Dr. Karev, she's gone.
Mary: No. No. No. (Alex stops CPR) No, no, no! Yvonne!
Alex: I'm sorry. Time of death, 2:51
Mary: No, no, no, no, no. No! (Alex takes off his yellow gown and walks out)
Try again. Try again.
(Seattle Scenes)
(SGH, HOSPITAL ROOM)
(Cut to Brooke & Jana both lying in hospital beds next to each other. Jana is breathing fast. Izzie is looking over a chart. Addison and OB resident is there as well)
Addison: Jana, this our OB resident Dr. Hoffman. She's going to be taking care of you from here.
Jana: Uh huh.
Dr. Hoffman: You're doing great Jana. Just keep breathing. I'm gonna check your cervix now.
Addison: Brooke we've booked an O.R but they're not gonna hold it for long so we need to go now.
Brooke: Right now? But we're supposed to be together. We took classes.
Addison: I'm sorry but we can't wait.
Jana: That's ok Brookie. You go have your C-section and enjoy those drugs this is already not fun for my v*g1n*.
Addison (motions for Izzie to start moving Brooke's bed): Dr. Stevens?
Brooke (indicating Izzie): No if I have to go, she has to stay. Someone has to stay with Jana. Please.
Addison: Brooke uh Dr. Stevens is a surgeon but I'm gonna find you some ...
Izzie (interrupts): It's ok. I'll stay.
Addison: Ok.
(Brooke smiles her thanks to Izzie. Addison starts moving Brooke's bed out of the room)
Jana: Brookie, you stay alive ok?
Brooke: You too.
(Cut to Alex pacing outside the entrance to the ER upset, frustrated and angry. He sits on a bench against the wall)
Alex: Damn it!
(He puts his head in hands. Stan the paramedic walks up to him with a plastic bag)
Stan: Hey Doc!
Alex (angry yells): What?!?
Stan: Easy killer. Jill said you guys were freaking out looking for this leg.
Alex (looks at the leg suddenly excited): Thank you.
(Alex takes the leg and heads back into the hospital)
Stan: No problem.
Alex: Right on.
(Cut to OR where Cristina walks back in without the leg looking resigned)
Cristina: Chief Webber. I'm extremely sorry, I tried to look everywhere, but I ... (She looks at the surgery and sees that the leg is there and being re-attached) Oh you found the leg?
Alex (turns around from the surgery): I found the leg.
Richard: You missed out on this one Yang but I'm sure they could use a hand down in the ER (Cristina looks shocked and pissed at Alex) Karev & I can handle it from here.
(Cristina leaves the OR)
(Cut to OR. where Bonnie & Tom are being prepped for their surgery. There are many doctors there as well)
Bonnie (speaks very softly): Can I ask you a question?
Tom: Mmm hmm.
Bonnie: Do you believe in heaven?
Tom: I do. ... Don't you?
Bonnie (teary): I want too.
Tom: Bonnie...I just wanna say ...
Bonnie (interrupts whispering): Shh. I know. I know.
(Dr. Adams & Derek walk into the OR)
Derek: This is Dr. Adams, our anesthesiologist. When you're ready, he's gonna put you to sleep.
Bonnie: So it's not gonna hurt?
Dr. Adams: It won't hurt a bit.
Bonnie: Good. That's good. ... Dr. Shepherd?
Derek: Yes?
Bonnie: You're gonna be the one to talk to my Danny, right?
Derek: Yes.
Bonnie: Ok.
Derek: Ok. ... What would you like me to tell him?
(Derek leans in to hear what Bonnie wants him to say. Camera pans across through window into cleansing/sterilizing room. George, Dr. Bailey & Dr. Burke are getting washed up and looking into the OR)
Bailey: Why do I feel we're about to kill this girl?
(Meredith walks into the room)
Meredith: Dr. Bailey, my labs are in.
Bailey: Sober?
Meredith: Can I scrub in?
Burke: Do it fast.
(Dr. Burke leaves and Meredith starts prepping herself. Dr. Bailey leaves as Derek enters the room. George looks at this and looks at Meredith)
Meredith (whispers): George!
George: Right.
(He leaves the room and heads into the OR)
Meredith: Hey.
Derek: Hi.
(There's a little silence)
Derek: You know, uh, I went to the bar.
Meredith: I heard.
(He half nods wryly. Meredith stands waiting for his decision but he doesn't say anything)
Derek: You take some aspirin with the banana bag? Helps with the hangover.
(Meredith nods slightly. Derek continues getting ready and not really making eye contact with Meredith. Realization dawns on Meredith)
Meredith: Oh. You're staying with her.
Derek: Yeah, she's my wife.
Bailey (calls from the OR): Dr. Shepherd, she's crashing.
(Derek runs into the O.R. Meredith stands there sad)
(Cut to Derek entering OR)
Derek: What happened?
Dr. Adams: I just put them under.
Derek: Pole must've shifted.
Dr. Adams (defensive): I barely touched her. This isn't my fault.
Burke: It's nobody's fault. We'll need to remove her now if we're going to have a chance.
Dr. Adams: How are we going to do this?
Burke: Team 1 continues, stabilize his body. Team 2 move her back and let's get the saw in there. This has to be fast and smooth, people. O'Malley you hold the pole in place. Whatever you do, don't pull on it, don't let it move. On the count of 3. 1, 2 ...
(Cut to Izzie helping Jana push out her baby during labor.)
Izzie: 3! That's great. That's great.
(Jana breathes gasping) Take another breath. 1, 2, ...
(Cut to Addison in an OR doing the C-section on Brooke)
Addison: He's wedged up under her ribs. We're going to have to pull him out. On 3. 1, 2 ...
(Cut back to Bonnie & Tom's OR surgery. Bonnie is being slid off the pole slowly and placed onto an operating table. A doctor gets a saw and starts cutting through the pole. Scene switches to Tom now on operating table as well)
Dr. Adams: He's stable.
(Camera pans to Bonnie's operation where Derek, Dr. Burke, Bailey, O'Malley and Meredith are.)
Burke: Let's start with her and we can see what we can do. Scalpel.
Bailey: Uh Grey. Get in here and help re-tract.
Burke: Re-tractor.
Derek: Richardson Retractor.
Burke: I'm in.
Derek: Quick please. Give me some sponges. Sponges.
Burke: I'm in.
Derek: Lap sponges. Hade me the cautery.
Burke (shakes his head): Her aorta is shredded. She's gonna bleed out.
(Bonnie's monitor starts beeping faster)
Doctor: Got no rhythm.
Dr. Adams (from other surgery): Doctors. He's losing pressure.
Burke: He's bleeding.
Derek: Let's go.
(They all leave the Bonnie's table except for Meredith who is still holding the retractor in Bonnie's chest)
Burke: Everybody change gloves.
Meredith (upset): What about her? We can't just abandon her. (The others are switching gloves and starting on Tom's operation) We can't just abandon her!
Burke: I'm going in. Extend the sternum. Scalpel.
(The others have now started on Tom. Meredith starts trying to revive Bonnie's heart by hand. George at the other surgery notices Meredith is still there)
Bailey: Lets go Dr. Grey.
George: Meredith.
(Meredith continues pumping Bonnie's heart)
Bailey: Dr. Grey!
George: Meredith!
Meredith (cries out): What about her?!? We can not just abandon her! We have an obligation!
(Derek notices but continues surgery on Tom. George looks confused at Meredith's behavior. Dr. Bailey heads over to Meredith)
Bailey (trying to stop Meredith): Meredith, come on'. There was too much damage. There was never anything we could do. We have to let her go.
(Meredith looks at Dr. Bailey shocked & upset. The monitor has flat lined)
Bailey: Time of death 3.49.
(Meredith just stands next to Bonnie's bed despondent)
(Seattle scenes)
(Maternity room)
(Izzie is watching over Jana who is in bed. Addison walks in)
Addison: Morning.
Izzie: How's Brooke?
Addison: She's good.
Izzie: And the baby?
Addison: He came through, too.
(They walk out of the room to the nurse's station)
Addison: So have you made a decision yet, Dr. Stevens?
Izzie: I'm sorry?
Addison: Whether or not you're going to ... hate me? (Izzie trying to put a pen in her pocket looks up at this) You're Meredith's friend. I'm the wicked witch who came in and ruined her life and cheated on doctor ... wait what is it that you guys call him?
Izzie (uncomfortable): McDreamy.
Addison: Right. God, doesn't that embarrass him?
Izzie: Yeah. I think it does.
Addison: Yeah well by all rights, you should hate me.
Izzie: I guess.
Addison: Except that I'm going to be staying in town for a while.
Izzie: You are.
Addison: Yes. And you show a real gift with my specialty. And I have a lot to teach if you wanna learn. ... So?
Izzie (shrugs even more uncomfortable): So?
Addison: So, when you decide how important it is for you to hate me, let me know.
(Addison walks off)
(Cut to a waiting room where Derek & Dr. Bailey are talking with a young man, Danny, Bonnie's fianc�. George & Meredith at a nurse's station watch from afar)
Danny: Did she ah ... did she suffer?
Derek: No. Her injuries prevented her from ... no, she wasn't in any pain.
Danny: Good. That's ...
Derek (difficulty speaking): She asked me ah to... tell you that ... she wanted you to know, that if love were enough ... that if love were enough that she'd still be here with you.
(Danny nods slightly. Meredith walks off. George looks on after Meredith)
MVO: As surgeons, there are so many things we have to know.
(Cut to the guy with severed leg, now re-attached being wheeled out of the OR Alex and Richard follow)
Richard: Fine work, Dr. Karev.
Alex: Thank you, sir.
(Richard pats him on the back)
MVO: We have to know we have what it takes.
(Cut to Jana & Brooke's room. Jana is sitting on a chair rocking and feeding her baby with a bottle. Addison lift's Brooke's baby out his bed and holds him near Brooke. Izzie watches smiling)
MVO: We have to know how to take care of our patients.
(Cut to Tom in a hospital room sleeping. Dr. Burke is talking to his wife, Amanda who is watching over Tom)
Burke: Tom is doing just fine.
(Amanda hugs Dr. Burke in relief and thanks)
(Cut to Dr. Bailey & Derek standing alone in an elevator. Derek looks very upset. Bailey notices this and pulls the elevator stop button)
MVO: And how to take care of each other.
(Derek walks to the back of the elevator, cries a little and gathers himself together. He walks back to stand next to Bailey)
Bailey: Ok?
Derek: Yeah.
(She pushes back the stop button and the elevator starts again. The elevator opens and they both walk out going in different directions)
(Cut to the staff locker room. Meredith sits on a bench despondent. Izzie sits next to her. George closing his locker sits next to Izzie quiet. Alex pulls on his white coat and heads to the door)
MVO: Eventually we even have to figure out... how to take care of ourselves.
(Cristina walks in as Alex reaches the door. She gives Alex a hard look. He just walks out the door. Meredith looks up at Cristina silently)
MVO: As surgeons we have to be in the know.
(Cristina tying up her hair looks at Meredith slowly understanding what's happened. She sits in between Izzie & Meredith looking at Meredith comfortingly)
MVO: But as human beings, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark.
(Cut to Addison walking out of the SGH with Derek. She takes his arm in hers)
MVO: Because in the dark, there maybe fear...
(Cut back to the staff locker room, where they all sit quiet and exhausted. The door opens. Meredith looks up hopefully.)
MVO: ... but there's also hope.
(Dr. Bailey enters. Dr. Bailey sees them all looking tired. She's takes a nicer tone than normal)
Bailey: Better get cleaned up. Rounds. 5 minutes.
(She heads out of the room and they all get up starting to get ready for a new day) | Plan: A: Meredith; Q: Who is crushed when she realizes that Derek has chosen Addison? A: a final decision; Q: What does Meredith wait for from Derek at Joe's bar? A: her fear; Q: What is interrupted when a train crash brings several seriously injured patients to the hospital? A: the interns; Q: Who is paged back to work after a train crash? A: Two patients; Q: How many patients were impaled by a long pole and stuck together face to face? A: The doctors; Q: Who must make a tough decision because they realize that only one patient can survive the surgery? A: surgery; Q: What does Derek clear Webber for? A: Alex; Q: Who fails to notice that a patient is bleeding internally? A: a patient; Q: Cristina works on a foot that has been sliced off of who? A: best friends; Q: What are the two pregnant women Addison and Izzie work with? A: great potential; Q: What does Addison see in Izzie? Summary: Meredith nervously awaits a final decision from Derek at Joe's bar, but her fear is interrupted when a train crash brings several seriously injured patients to the hospital and the interns are paged back to work. Two patients were seriously injured in the train crash and were both impaled by a long pole and are stuck together face to face. The doctors must make a tough decision because they realize that only one patient can survive the surgery. Meredith realizes that Derek has chosen Addison, and she is crushed. Alex fails to notice the friend of his patient is bleeding internally and she eventually dies from her injuries. Cristina works on a foot that has been sliced off of a patient, however things get complicated when she and Webber realize that it doesn't belong to who they thought it did. Addison and Izzie work with two pregnant women who are best friends. Addison sees great potential in Izzie, who must decide whether her loyalty as Meredith's friend outweighs professional gain. Derek clears Webber for surgery. |
FLASH IN:
[Intro: "Good Enough," by Evanescence]
[INT. RIDGE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY -- NIGHT]
VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF:
(Three cheerleaders with their pom-poms run through the hallway.)
(The trophy case with various awards.)
Grissom: (V.O.) Primitive people refused to be photographed, fearing the camera would steal their soul.
(Just beyond the trophy case are large photos of various high school students - Sheila Latham, Charlie Kellerman with his camera, Megan Cooper in her cheerleader uniform and Ryan Lansco in his basketball pose.)
Grissom: (V.O.) Like any good hunter, the photographer stalks, takes aim, and shoots an image. Who's to say that when the shutter traps that moment in time those primitive fears weren't well founded? (We continue past the wall and into the -
[INT. RIDGE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL GYM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(A basketball game is in progress. Photographers stand on the side snapping photos of Ryan Lansco on the court.)
(On the sidelines is a group of photographers. The game is in timeout and the cheerleaders step out onto the court. Ryan Lansco turns and smiles at his girlfriend, Megan Cooper.)
VARIOUS SHOTS OF:
(Ryan's parents are sitting in the audience. Sheila Latham is in the stands cheering her team.)
(The photography teacher, Diane Kentner, helps a student take photos.)
(The cheerleaders continue their routine.)
(A camera flashes and a PHOTO is taken.)
Various PHOTOS SHOTS of:
-- Megan Cooper. -- Ryan Lansco. -- Sheila Latham.
(The game continues. Megan takes a seat next to Charlie Kellerman. They watch the game. The score is 42-HOME, 43 GUEST. There's ten seconds left on the clock.)
(The buzzer sounds and the ball is in play. Ryan Lansco gets the ball and passes to a teammate. He moves into position and gets the ball again. He shoots. He scores. Time runs out. The buzzer sounds. Game is over.)
(Everyone rushes out onto the court. Megan runs to Ryan. Ryan's father runs up to congratulate him.)
PHOTO FREEZE-FRAME: The scene is frozen and captured. Camera pulls back -- out of the gym and into the hallway.
(We linger on the large photos of the students hanging on the wall. The first one of Ryan Lansco - as he slowly vanishes. The second photo of Megan Cooper as she also vanishes.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(Megan's parents - Brenda and Sam Cooper - and Ryan's parents - Eddie and Linda Lansco - are in Brass's office.)
Sam Cooper: Megan has no reason to run away. She's always been a happy kid and we trust her implicitly.
Brenda Cooper: Captain, this is not like her. Of course it's no accident they're missing together.
Eddie Lansco: Ryan has a scholarship to Duke. He's not going to throw it away for some chippie.
Sam Cooper: Excuse me? "Chippie?"
Linda Lansco: Your daughter's the one who's calling our house twenty-five times a day.
Brass: All right, all right, all right. This isn't helping. Now, the kids have been missing since last night. Why'd you wait till now to report it?
Brenda Cooper: We thought that Megan was sleeping over at Sheila's.
Brass: Sheila who?
Brenda Cooper: Uh, Sheila Latham, her best friend. When I called Megan on her cell phone this morning, I couldn't reach her, so I called the house, and, uh, she wasn't there. And Sue Latham didn't know anything about a sleep-over.
Eddie Lansco: Ryan doesn't have a curfew. But he never stays out all night.
Linda Lansco: He's not answering his cell phone, and his van is missing.
Sam Cooper: Captain, please, find my daughter before she does something stupid.
Brenda Cooper: Stupid I can live with. I need to know they're okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. RIDGE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL - PARKING LOT - DAY]
TOP VIEW DOWN: Officer car #682 is parked across three parking stalls.
(Officer Mitchell walks around the car.)
Brass: (from radio) The last place they were seen was the parking lot at the school after the game.
(Grissom is carrying his kit and headed to parking stall #42.)
Grissom: (to phone) These two kids have only been missing for fourteen hours. They could have eloped to Mexico.
Brass: (from phone) I know it's a favor, but ...
Grissom: (to phone) All right. But you owe me one for getting me out of bed on a Saturday morning.
(Grissom hangs up and meets up with Officer Mitchell.)
Grissom: Mitch?
Officer Mitchell: This is Ryan Lansco's assigned parking spot. His drives a blue '72 Ford van. It's missing.
Grissom: What do you want me to test?
(He indicates the dark drops on top of the oil spots in the middle of the parking stall.)
Officer Mitchell: Doesn't look like transmission fluid.
(Grissom opens his kit and takes out his gloves.)
Grissom: Did you have assigned parking when you were in high school?
Officer Mitchell: No. I didn't even have a car.
(Grissom swabs a sample and tests it.)
Grissom: Yeah, it's blood. I hope they're in Mexico.
FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. RIDGE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL - PARKING LOT - DAY]
(Nick and Grissom check the parking lot for more blood drops. More officer cars are there.)
Nick: Forty may be the new twenty, but 16's the new 30, between cars and cell phones and the Internet.
Grissom: Yeah, well, the world's become a very small place, Nick. All the vices are closer to home.
(Nick swabs a stain on the asphalt and tests it. It tests positive.)
Nick: Hey.
(Nick and Grissom continue through the ground and head toward the track field.)
(On the field, Nick finds some polyfill caught in the metal gate hinge.)
(On the track, Grissom finds more polyfill.)
Grissom: More polyfill.
(Nick nods. Together, they continue searching for more evidence. Nick stops to check something on the track. Grissom sees blood on the football equipment.)
Grissom: Hey, Nick?
Nick: Yeah?
Grissom: This looks like arterial spraying. Something bad happened here.
(Grissom points to more blood on the equipment.)
Nick: A little blood in the parking lot, a lot of blood here. But very little in between?
(They look around the field. Nick sees something.)
Nick: Hey. Look at that equipment shed door.
(They head over to the shed. The door is partially opened. Grissom checks the ground on his way there.)
Grissom: Some kind of broken glass.
(There's a shoe print on the door near the knob.)
Grissom: Well, this was kicked in.
(Grissom uses the end of his flashlight and pushes the door open. They look inside.)
(There's a cheerleader's top on one of the machines. There's also a jersey with 'LANSCO' embroidered draped on another machine.)
(Grissom and Nick look at each other.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- DAY]
(Sofia gives Sheila Latham a cup of something to drink. Sheila's mother, Sue, is there also.)
Sofia: Sheila.
(Sofia sits down.)
Sofia: Megan told her parents she was spending the night with you.
Sheila Latham: (shrugs) But first she was ... gonna hook up ... with Ryan after the game.
Sofia: Do you know where?
Sheila Latham: No.
Sue Latham: Sheila ...
Sheila Latham: What? I don't know.
Sue Latham: Excuse me? Your best friend is missing and you're at a police station. Act accordingly. And sit up straight.
(Sheila sits up straight.)
Sofia: Are you okay?
Sheila Latham: Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a headache.
Sue Latham: Were you drinking last night?
Sheila Latham: Mom, no! (to Sofia) Look ... a couple of us went out for burgers and then I came home. Megan was supposed to call me on my cell ... and I was going to go downstairs and let her in.
Sofia: And did she call?
Sheila Latham: No.
Sofia: And you weren't worried?
Sheila Latham: I thought it was just an overtime make-out session. I fell asleep. And now I'm here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY]
(Catherine and Grissom walk through the hallway.)
Catherine: Both kids have an ATM card. Neither's been used since they went missing. No calls were placed from either of their cell phones. There's an APB out on Ryan's van-- no hits. An APB has gone out to local hospitals-- nothing yet. I know. It sucks.
Grissom: Any calls placed before they went missing?
Catherine: Where do I start? Megan and Sheila phoned each other about a dozen times. A handful of calls were placed to Charlie and Bonnie. They're both on the cheerleading squad. "Hair up or down? Black socks or gold socks?"
Grissom: How about Ryan?
Catherine: Ryan, uh, and Megan exchanged a few calls. He phoned home twice. His last call was after the game to a Diane Kentner. She is the photography teacher at the high school. Warrick is following up and ... I'm going to collect DNA exemplars from the kids' houses. My favorite part.
(Catherine walks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. RIDGE VALLEY HIGH - EQUIPMENT SHED -- DAY]
(Nick takes an impression of the shoe print off the shed door. Greg is gathering the jerseys off the equipment.)
Greg: Wish I had one of these back in high school.
Nick: What's that? A letter jacket?
Greg: No. No, a love shack. Back seat of my car got real old, real fast. I was getting so much play my senior year, I seriously considered getting a hearse.
Nick: Well, I never accused you of not being smart. Greg, you're a little weird, but ... a hearse?
(Nick indicates the ropes tied to the equipment.)
Nick: So what's with the ropes, Casanova?
Greg: Well, I don't think they were working out. Looks like what started out as a good time went bad.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY]
(Hodges puts the glass pieces together and takes the large piece and puts it in a dish. He puts it under a scope. Grissom walks in.)
Hodges: I'd know those footsteps anywhere. The glass you found on the track is optical glass. Camera lens, not spectacle. Camera lenses have one side that's round and one side that's flat for a high refractive index.
Grissom: It bends the light more.
(Hodges takes the results out of the printer.)
Hodges: It also has magnesium fluoride and calcium fluoride coatings for anti-reflection.
(Grissom looks at the test results.)
Hodges: You're looking for a high-end, non-compact camera -- Nikon, Leica, or Canon -- that's missing its lens.
Grissom: Thank you, David.
(Grissom turns to leave.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. RIDGE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL -- HALLWAY - DAY]
(Warrick meets with Diane Kentner.)
Warrick: Warrick Brown from the Crime Lab. (They shake hands.) Thanks for coming in on a Saturday.
Diane Kentner: Diane Kentner. I took these photographs of Megan and Ryan.
Warrick: You took these.
Diane Kentner: Yeah, I teach photography.
Warrick: Well, that's a nice shot right there.
Diane Kentner: Thanks. That's Charlie Kellerman. I try to take pictures of what the kids are passionate about.
Warrick: So I guess he's passionate about photography.
Diane Kentner: Yeah. That and Megan. Charlie's in love with her. She's in love with Ryan. Ryan's in love with his future. Ah, high school.
Warrick: Yeah. Did you notice any drama yesterday in class between Megan and Ryan?
Diane Kentner: No. I mean, if a day goes by that a teenage girl doesn't cry in my class, it's a rarity. But yesterday, it wasn't Megan. And Ryan's head was already in the game. He's got a lot of pressure on him. He's oldest of six. His parents are already counting the money that he's gonna make from his first NBA contract.
Warrick: Hmm. Ms. Kentner, what kind of cameras do you use in class?
Diane Kentner: We have a couple of junky ones. Students usually bring their own.
Warrick: And what about your own personal collection?
Diane Kentner: Well, I'm old school. I mean, I took these with a Hasselblaad, but ... otherwise, I use a Minolta I've had forever. Why?
Warrick: Just following up on some evidence. And Ryan called you after the game last night.
Diane Kentner: Yeah, he wanted copies of the photos the photography club had taken.
Warrick: And he called you on your cell?
Diane Kentner: Yeah, I put it on the syllabus. You can have it if you want.
Warrick: No, thanks. I've ... I've already got it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. RIDGE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL - TRACK FIELD - DAY]
(Greg and Nick look at the football equipment.)
Greg: I'm not seeing any evidence of other people. It's possible that the basketball player snapped, killed the cheerleader, took her body and drove off.
Nick: What about the busted door?
Greg: He starts out the big romantic ...
(Quick flash to: Ryan is carrying Megan on his back. He kicks the door open.)
Megan Cooper: Oh, don't break your million-dollar foot.
Ryan Lansco: Shh.
(They go into the equipment room.)
Greg: (V.O.) And that's when things went south.
(Ryan removes Megan's clothes.)
Megan Cooper: Hey. Stop. I told you Come on. I want to wait till prom.
Ryan Lansco: It's gonna be fun.
(He puts her wrists in the ropes.)
Megan Cooper: Stop it!
(End of flash.)
Greg: She pushes him off, makes a run for it. But he realizes that an attempted rape charge might crash a Duke scholarship, so he chases her down and bashes her head in.
(Nick's phone rings. He answers it.)
Nick: (to phone) Stokes. Oh, hey, Wendy. Really? Yeah, thanks.
(Nick hangs up.)
Nick: How does your theory account for the fact that all the blood's Ryan's?
Greg: It doesn't.
Nick: Okay. Let's say I'm a Lovers Lane rapist. I stalk them. I want me a high school cheerleader. What's the first thing I do?
Greg: You take out the basketball player. Grab her, take her somewhere more private.
Nick: Why take Ryan's body?
(Greg shakes his head.)
Nick: (to the officers) People ... let's spiral out.
VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF:
(Nick, Greg and the officers search the field for evidence.)
(Nick and Greg are walking further out to the road. They find debris on the ground. Nick takes his camera out. He sees the broken glass and items.)
(He kneels down in front of the bloodied shoe.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. RIDGE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL - ROAD - DAY]
(Greg snaps photos of the debris. Grissom walks up to him.)
Grissom: Greg.
Greg: Accident debris. Broken turn signal light. Lots of pieces of grille for a physical match. Shoes match the description of the sneakers Megan Cooper was wearing last night.
(Greg picks up the shoe.)
Greg: So far, the only blood I found was on the shoes.
(Grissom looks over at Nick, who is headed their way.)
Nick: This road has almost no traffic at night. Take a look at this.
(Nick shows Grissom the tire prints.)
Grissom: Looks like acceleration marks.
Nick: Start out heavy, and then they fade out as the vehicle gains momentum.
INSERT: CLOSE-UP of tire burning rubber.
Nick: They're in a direct line with the accident debris. That tells me it's probably related to the impact. If Megan was hit by a car, hard enough to knock her out of her own shoes, I doubt she just walked away from this.
Grissom: So far there's no reports of anyone fitting Megan's description being admitted to area hospitals.
Nick: I had a friend once that got hit by this big-ass van. Knocked him like two hundred feet in the air.
(Grissom looks out at the area.)
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
(Nick and the officers are searching the tall grass on the side of the road. Grissom is at the top of the hill using the height to look around. He sees something.)
Grissom: Nick!
Nick: Yeah?
Grissom: Straight ahead of you about twenty yards.
(Nick heads off in the direction and sees the body on the ground. He starts running toward the girl.)
Nick: Yeah! Yeah, I got her.
(He checks for a pulse.)
Grissom: Is she still alive?
Nick: Barely.
(Nick turns the girl's head. It's Megan Cooper.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(Brenda Cooper is waiting in Brass's office. She sighs. Through the wall glass, we see Brass on the phone and headed back to his office.)
Brass: (to phone) Yeah ... Okay ... All right. Right, yeah, yeah, hold on. (to the parents) We found Megan. She's alive. She was found on the side of the road near the high school. She's apparently victim of a hit-and-run car accident. She's in a very serious condition and has been taken to Desert Palm Hospital.
Linda Lansco: And what about Ryan?
Brass: We haven't found him yet. We're still looking. (to phone) Go ahead.
(Brass heads out of the office.)
Brenda Cooper: (to Sam) Let's go.
(Brenda grabs her jacket and heads out with Sam. Eddie hugs Linda as they continue to wait.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[EXT. ROAD -- DAY]
(Warrick and Sara arrive at another scene and meet up with Sofia.)
Sofia: Uniforms found the van on patrol. They called it in. I cleared it, waited for you guys to open it up.
(They turn and head toward the van.)
(They check the front for impact.)
Sara: Front end's intact. No damage, no paint transfer. There's no signs of an accident.
Warrick: The keys are still in the ignition. There's no blood on the driver's seat.
Sofia: Which means Ryan probably wasn't driving, because his blood was all over the field.
(They check the back of the van.)
(There's a stain under the back door handle. Warrick snaps a picture of it. He opens the van's back door. They find an unrolled sleeping bag.)
Warrick: Body dump?
(Warrick opens the sleeping bag and finds it blood stained. No body.)
Sara: Where's the body?
(Warrick snaps pictures of the sleeping bag.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(Charlie Kellerman carries some food over to Sam and Brenda Cooper. He offers it to them.)
Charlie Kellerman: Hospital food.
Brenda Cooper: Oh.
Charlie Kellerman: The best I could do. Any word?
Sam Cooper: Not yet.
Charlie Kellerman: You know Megan. She's a fighter. She'll pull through this.
Brenda Cooper: Thank you, Charlie. Thank you. You've always been very good to her.
(Nick walks up to them.)
Nick: Excuse me. I'm Nick Stokes with the Crime Lab.
Sam Cooper: Oh, Charlie, he's the one that found Megan.
Charlie Kellerman: Thank you.
Nick: You're very welcome. I left your mom a message. I wanted to ask you a few questions. You mind if I ... (to the Coopers) steal him for a minute?
Brenda Cooper: Sure.
(They step away. Nick and Charlie walk through the hallway.)
Nick: I understand you and Megan were pretty close, huh?
Charlie Kellerman: We live next door to each other. I drive her to school every day, home after cheerleading practice.
Nick: You wait that whole time? Don't cheerleaders work out for, like, hours?
Charlie Kellerman: No, I'm, I'm on the squad.
Nick: Oh. (nods) Oh, okay.
Charlie Kellerman: Cute girls, short skirts.
Nick: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. Did you wait for her after the ballgame the other night?
Charlie Kellerman: I don't usually see her after Friday night games. She catches a ride home with Ryan.
Nick: Hey, Charlie, since you guys are so close you'd know if somebody had it in for her, wouldn't you?
Charlie Kellerman: The only person who was ever rude to Megan was Ryan.
Nick: How rude?
Charlie Kellerman: Ryan was a dog. And the only person that wouldn't believe that was Megan.
(Nick nods.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY]
(Ryan's van is in the garage. Sara and Warrick are processing it.)
Sara: High school kid with a van. We could have half the senior class in here.
Warrick: Yeah, a bunch of minors that won't be in the system. That'll be helpful.
(Sara looks at the front seat. She opens the van door and finds the seat pushed up close to the wheel.)
Sara: Ryan is six feet. Whoever was driving must have adjusted the seat.
(She pushes the seat back and finds a phone.)
Sara: Hello.
Warrick: What you got?
Sara: I got a cell phone.
(Warrick continues to snap photos of the back of the van.)
(Sara checks the phone.)
Sara: Battery's dead, so I don't know who it belongs to. But something tells me that pink is not Ryan's color.
Warrick: I don't know.
(Warrick picks up a pink thong.)
Warrick: I think he might be always thinking pink.
(Warrick snaps photos of the thongs in the back of the van.)
Warrick: If these all belong to one girl, she's got nothing left to wear.
Sara: You know, when I was in college, I had this boyfriend and I thought we were monogamous. And one night, during the post-coital panty search, he handed me a pair of underwear that wasn't mine.
Warrick: Ooh. How'd he explain that one?
Sara: He said they belonged to his sister.
Warrick: Yeah, right.
Sara: I know.
Warrick: Let's hope your taste in men has improved since then.
(Sara nods.)
Sara: Yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY]
(Catherine has the sleeping bag open on the table and is marking the bloodstains and recording her notes into a tape recorder.)
Catherine: There's a large rectangular blood pool at the center of the sleeping bag ... with several satellite transfers. At each corner ... a four-plus-one pattern consistent with transfer from bloody hands, indicating the body was carried on the sleeping bag.
(Catherine turns the light off, puts her goggles on and uses the ALS.)
Catherine: Between ten and twenty semen stains. Some overlaid with blood.
(She uses another instrument and finds something on the monitor. She realizes what it is. Just then Grissom passes by.)
Catherine: Ugh.
Grissom: You okay?
(Catherine shows him the monitor.)
Grissom: Phthirus Pubis.
Catherine: Yeah, crabs. I am buying Lindsey a chastity belt.
Grissom: There's a hole in the metal to let the urine pass. So theoretically, she could still get them.
Catherine: You are so creepy sometimes.
Grissom: You know, the incidence of STDs in monogamous couples is slim.
Catherine: Unless someone arrives at the party with them.
Grissom: So assuming they both have pubic lice, if either Megan or Ryan were assaulted, they would have given them to their attacker.
Catherine: A s*x pervert with an STD? That's not going to narrow it down.
Grissom: Yeah, but once they jump to the fresh host, crabs contain the DNA of the receiver and the giver. Did the parents agree to an SAE kit?
Catherine: Yes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY]
(Archie is going through the card from the cell phone Sara found in the van. Sara walks in.)
Sara: You rang?
Archie: Yes. Found the owner of that cell phone.
Sara: Megan.
Archie: Nope. Sheila Latham.
(The phone info reads: Owner:
SHEILA LATHAM
MOBILE NUMBER:
SERVICE PROVIDER:
SIERRA NEVADA PHONE COMP )
Sara: What is Megan's best friend's cell phone doing in the front seat of her boyfriend's van?
Archie: (sings) If that's your boyfriend, if that's your boyfriend ...
Sara/Archie (both): (sings) He wasn't last night.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- DAY]
(Brass walks in the waiting room and finds Sue Latham at the vending machine.)
Brass: Hi, hi, I'm sorry I'm late, but, you know, the sun goes down on missing kids and it's news.
Sue Latham: I know this sounds awful, but all I keep thinking is: thank God it wasn't Sheila.
Brass: Doesn't make you a bad person.
(She's putting money in the machine.)
Brass: Oh, this, this, this thing is so broken. There's a trick to it.
Sue Latham: Ah. I lost two dollars in there.
Brass: This is Vegas, baby. That's nothing.
(Brass does his trick on the machine and the can clatters out.)
Sue Latham: Thank you.
(Brass picks up the can and offers it to her.)
Brass: Voila. Let's go to my office, okay?
(They head out to the hallway and into the next waiting room where Sheila is.)
Sue Latham: Look, I know you have questions for her, but, you know, Sheila almost lost her best friend yesterday and she's still a little out of it.
Brass: No, I get it, and I appreciate you bringing her in. (loud) Hey, Sheila.
(Sheila is sleeping on the sofa, an open book in her hand.)
Sue Latham: See, she's exhausted. Oh, poor baby. Sheila, honey. It's time to wake up. Captain Brass is here.
(She sets her bag down and nudges Sheila.)
Sue Latham: Sheila?
(She rolls of the sofa and onto the floor.)
Sue Latham: Sheila?
(Brass checks her.)
Brass: We got a 421! Somebody run next door and get the squad medics.
Sue Latham: (crying) Sheila, honey!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(Sheila Latham is on the autopsy table. Robbins shares his findings with Brass and Grissom.)
Brass: I'll tell you it's been a banner week for teens and police. Two kids disappear; one we can't find; one may not make it out of surgery; and another one ends up dead in custody. I mean, I don't want to make this about me, but I need to know my office is not responsible.
Robbins: Did you hit her over the head? Because COD is epidural hemorrhage caused by a blow to the top of the skull.
(Quick CGI Flash of: The brain, the hit to the brain, and blood seeping out.)
Robbins: (V.O.) The blood clot pushed against the brain, which compressed the respiratory centers.
(End of flash.)
Robbins: Her brain stopped telling her body to breathe, and she died.
Grissom: How recent was the injury?
Robbins: I extracted about 150 cc's of partially clotted blood. Would have taken at least a day to form, maybe longer.
Brass: Wait, so ... Sheila suffered the blow around the same time that Megan and Ryan were, um ... well, whatever they were.
Grissom: Did her mother mention the injury?
Brass: Injury? No.
Robbins: Well, that's not the only secret she was keeping. She swallowed something rather unusual, --
(The chest x-ray shows a card inside Sheila.)
Robbins: -- and she had crabs.
Grissom: Well, I can guess where she got those and who she gave them to. What is it that she swallowed?
(Robbins shows them the card.)
Grissom: Looks like a memory card from a camera.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY]
(Greg unzips Sheila's pink backpack. He takes out Sheila's pink tablet. Inside the side pouch, he finds a broken camera.)
(He finds a strand of hair on the bottom of the camera. He takes the hair and puts it in a bindle.)
(He measures the diameter of the broken lens from a photo and measures the size of the camera lens.)
(He opens the card slot and finds it empty.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY]
(Archie looks at the connectors on the card under a magnifying glass.)
Archie: Looks like the metal connectors got pretty gacked up by the stomach acids. Let's see if it still downloads.
(Archie puts the card in the port and starts it up.)
Archie: Ah, we're in luck.
(On the card is Ryan Lansco tied with ropes to the equipment in the shed.)
Archie: I'm guessing that's your missing basketball player.
Greg: Yeah. In the equipment shed.
Ryan Lansco: (from video) Look, I don't even know how I got crabs.
Girl's Voice: You (from video) got them from humping everything that moved, you big loser. Now, read.
Ryan Lansco: (from video) What are you so mad about?
Greg: "Danger"? It looks like lipstick.
Ryan Lansco: (from video) Come on, guys. It's cold in here! You could at least close the door. (reads) I, Ryan Lansco ... am a diseased subhuman s*x pervert. If you do me, you'll go home with a souvenir: your own little crab colony. (angrily) My parents better never see this!
Girl's Voice: (from video) Oh, yeah? This is going up on YouTube, or maybe you'd like to put it on your FriendAgenda page. You put everything else up there, why not your crotch rot?
Greg: Handheld camera. There's a light in the room. Someone opened the door. There's got to be more than one person yanking his chain.
Archie: You know, hang on, I can give you one voice comparison right now.
(Archie accesses the phone message left on Sheila's cell phone.)
Sheila Latham: (from cell) Hi, guys, this is Sheila. Guess you missed me, but if you leave me a message, I'll get you back.
(He takes a portion of it.)
Sheila Latham: (from cell) Hi, guys, this is Sheila.
(He compares it to the video.)
Sheila Latham: (from video) This is going up on YouTube.
(It's an AUDIO WAVEFORM MATCH.)
Archie: Oh, Sheila. So does that make her a victim or a suspect?
Greg: Maybe both.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOSPITAL - MEGAN'S ROOM -- DAY]
(Nick talks with Megan Cooper.)
Nick: Megan, listen, I know you've already been through a lot, but you may be the only one that can tell us what happened to Ryan.
Megan Cooper: Where is he?
Nick: We don't know. Let's start with the last thing you remember.
Megan Cooper: We were at the game ... and I did a perfect hurkey.
Nick: What's a hurkey?
Megan Cooper: It's a jump where you go ...
(She starts to show him and stops.)
Megan Cooper: I keep forgetting I can't move my legs.
(Brenda turns and buries her head in her husband's shoulder.)
Brenda Cooper: Oh, my God.
Megan Cooper: Mom, you're not helping.
Nick: Do you remember anything after the game? Anything?
Megan Cooper: We won. Everybody was happy. I remember being really cold. There were lights. And then ... nothing. I'm sorry.
(She starts to cry and stops.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- DAY]
(Warrick is watching the LANSCO FAMILY PRESS CONFERENCE on WFIN 19.)
Eddie Lansco: (from tv) If anyone knows anything about our son, please contact the Las Vegas Police. He's a great kid, with a bright future ahead of him, and we just want him home where he belongs.
(Grissom walks in. Warrick turns the television set off. He's on Ryan's web page.)
Warrick: "I'm likin' basketball, virgin daiquiris, and sweet, sweet ladies." It's Ryan Lansco's FriendAgenda page.
Grissom: What's a "Hit List"?
Warrick: Well, he's not an assassin. His van was like a hot sheets motel, and he wants a password.
Grissom: Try "Megan."
Warrick: It's too obvious.
(Grissom gives him a look.)
Warrick: I'll try it anyway.
(He enters MEGAN and the computer beeps. The HIT LIST appears.)
(Warrick scoffs.)
Grissom: Men are never as mysterious as women wish they were.
(The HIT LIST reads:
Sheila L. - Couldn't move it Bunny B. - Is a honey bee Diane K. - Taught me a thing or two Laurie Z - Begged for it Shelly T. - Wild woman Megan C. - Sack artist
Warrick: "Sheila L.-- couldn't move it. Bunny B. is a honey bee. Diane K. taught me a thing or two." Diane K. Diane Kentner is his photography teacher.
Grissom: The fingerprint results on Ryan's van. No hits except on the back door handle, came back to Diane Kentner. She was arrested last year at a demonstration in support of an X-rated photography show.
Warrick: Now, what's a photography teacher doing touching a student's van?
Grissom: Maybe she wanted a ride.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY]
(Warrick interviews Diane Kentner.)
Warrick: Ms. Kentner, the car that hit Megan Cooper left a broken turn signal light in the road. It's from a Saab. Isn't that the car that you drive?
Diane Kentner: Yeah, along with hundreds of thousands of other Americans.
Warrick: Well, we're going to need to take a look at yours.
Diane Kentner: Get a warrant and you can.
Warrick: We also found your fingerprint on the door handle of the back of Ryan's van. Could you explain to me how that got there?
Diane Kentner: Well ... Ryan helped me move an enlarger I got for the photo lab for the school. My Saab wasn't big enough to move it.
Warrick: Your name came up on, uh, Ryan Lansco's FriendAgenda page, what was called a "Hit List." It's apparently a list of people that he slept with.
Diane Kentner: (laughs) Wow. If you're under 40 years old and you teach teenage boys, they all want to make you Mrs. Robinson. It's flattering, but it's fantasy.
Warrick: So, you are denying that you had any sexual relations with Ryan Lansco?
Diane Kentner: I would never take advantage of a student.
Warrick: Well, we're going to need to take a DNA sample, and that I have a warrant for.
(He shows her the paper. Warrick takes out a swab. She shrugs and opens her mouth. Warrick takes the sample.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - A/V LAB]
(Greg and Archie replay the video for Nick.)
Ryan Lansco: (from video) My parents better never see this!
Sheila's Voice: (from video) Oh, yeah? This is going up on YouTube.
(Archie pauses the video.)
Archie: The only reflective surface in this whole frame is that cabinet.
Nick: What am I looking at here, Arch?
Archie: I'm thinking it's two faces.
(Archie starts to process the video, enhancing and clearing out the reflective image.)
Archie: Only time I can see it is when the light hits it.
(Two faces appear in the metal.)
Greg: Sheila.
Archie: And some dude.
Nick: Some dude named Charlie.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY]
(Charlie Kellerman is in the interview room. Nick enters and motions for the guard to leave.)
Nick: You can grab a cup of coffee.
(The officer leaves.)
Nick: I know you've waived your right to counsel. I appreciate you coming in here and talking to me, Charlie. That means you're ready to be honest. That's, that's good. Because Ryan is still missing, Sheila is now dead, Megan is partially paralyzed, and you are digging yourself into a pretty deep hole here, pal.
(Nick sits down, the file folder open in front of him.)
Nick: I know you were there that night in the equipment shed. I have your shoe impressions at the scene; I've got you on film; and we found Sheila's cue cards in the back of her mom's trunk. So ... Where's Ryan?
Charlie Kellerman: I don't know.
Nick: You're an adult, Charlie. There's a big difference between going to juvie and going to state prison. Big difference. Okay, I'll tell you what I think happened.
(Nick leans back.)
Nick: You're in love with Megan, who's in love with Ryan, who's a dog. You said so yourself. And he gives her crabs. But does she break up with him? No. She goes right back to him after crying on your shoulder. Man, that'd piss me off. Don't make me present to a jury that you came up with this plan, this little prank, and recruited Sheila -- equally afflicted by this -- and you ran that boy's head against a tackling sled. Then when Megan freaked out and got scared, you just ran her over and left her for dead.
Charlie Kellerman: No. No, no, that's not what happened.
Nick: Then you tell me what happened!
Charlie Kellerman: Okay. You're right. It started as a prank. Sheila and I wrote out that speech. Sheila brought her camera. We went down to the field house. We knew they'd be there fooling around.
(Quick flashback to: [INT. SHED] Charlie kicks the door in and finds Ryan and Megan fooling around in the shed.)
Ryan Lansco: What the hell?!
Charlie Kellerman: Shut up!
(Megan gets up and holds her jersey over herself.)
Ryan Lansco: No, no, no, no. Megan! Megan! Get off me!
Charlie Kellerman: Shut up!
(Charlie and Sheila tie Ryan to the equipment.)
Megan Cooper: Stop it!
BACK TO SCENE
Charlie Kellerman: We tied him up. We got him to read the speech. We were just gonna post it on YouTube.
Nick: What happened?
Charlie Kellerman: He got loose, came tearing after us.
(Quick flashback to: [TRACK FIELD] Charlie and Sheila run out of the shed.)
Charlie Kellerman: He's coming. He's coming. RYAN LANSCO: You two.
(Ryan runs after them. Charlie and Sheila throw the camera between the two of them.)
Ryan Lansco: Give me the camera.
Sheila Latham: Here! Here!
(She throws the camera too high to Ryan. It falls on the track and smashes.)
(He stops and picks it up, but Sheila has the card.)
Sheila Latham: Come on and get it Ryan! This what you want? (She sticks the card on her tongue, teasing him.) Huh? Ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah...
(He throws the camera at her and hits her on the head. Sheila gags.)
Charlie Kellerman: What the heck, man?
(Ryan walks over to them. Charlie pushes him back. Sheila continues to cough. Ryan coughs back at her, mocking her.)
Sheila Latham: Jerk!
(Sheila rushes him and pushes him into the equipment. Ryan hits his neck and blood gushes out from the wound.)
Sheila Latham: Ryan? Ryan!
Charlie Kellerman: (V.O.) Next thing I know, blood was just gushing out of his neck.
(End of flashback.)
(Charlie gets up.)
Charlie Kellerman: I haven't slept. I haven't eaten. I can't stop playing it over and over again in my head. (crying) He just went down so fast. And-and I was looking at him. And it-it was like he wasn't Ryan anymore. Whatever made him Ryan was gone.
Nick: What did you do with the body?
Charlie Kellerman: This is where I suck. We should have just called 911, but we panicked.
(Quick flashback to: [EXT. TRACK] Charlie and Sheila pull the sleeping bag with Ryan's body inside.
Sheila Latham: Come on.
(The sleeping bag tears on the metal gate.)
Sheila Latham: Shut up and just pull. We don't have time to think about that.
(They get the body in Ryan's van.)
Charlie Kellerman: What are you doing?
Sheila Latham: Look, let's just get him in the van. I'll drive; you follow.
(Charlie and Sheila put Ryan in the back of the van.)
Sheila Latham: Move. Move!
(They shut the door.)
BACK TO SCENE.
Nick: Where is Ryan?
Charlie Kellerman: (crying) I just told you everything I know. We left him in the van.
Nick: What about Megan?
Charlie Kellerman: The second we barged into that field house, she freaked out and took off. I-I didn't even know she was in the hospital until her parents called.
Nick: Okay, come here and take a look at this.
(Nick shows him the photo.)
Nick: Sheila's holding the camera; you're holding the cue cards. Who's holding the light? Was there somebody else there?
Charlie Kellerman: (shakes his head) Uh-uh.
Nick: Hmm?
Charlie Kellerman: I-I was holding the light and the cue card.
Nick: Are you sure?
Charlie Kellerman: (nods) It was just Sheila and me.
(Nick sits back in his seat.)
Charlie Kellerman: And now, it's just me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Grissom opens the container with Sheila's crabs in it. He takes one out and extracts a sample of blood from the crab. He tests the sample.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- DNA LAB]
(Wendy shares the findings with Grissom.)
Wendy Simms: Okay, we got quite the smorgasbord here. Um, the only constant from the crabs is Ryan. He's half the DNA on each of the combos. And the other contributors were Megan, Sheila, several unknowns, and everybody's favorite photography teacher, Diane Kentner. Certainly hope she gave him an A.
Grissom: It proves s*x with a minor. Even if we can't get her for Megan's hit-and-run, it's enough for a search warrant.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[EXT. WAREHOUSE -- NIGHT]
(Warrick and Grissom meet up with Brass and several officers outside the warehouse.)
Warrick: So, what you find at Diane's house?
Brass: Uh, not much, but propped up on a dresser was a rental agreement to this address and a key.
Grissom: Looks like she drew us a map.
Brass: Looks like it.
(Brass pounds on the door.)
Brass: (shouts) Diane Kentner, open up! Las Vegas Police!
(Warrick notes the smashed car light.)
Warrick: There's our busted headlight.
(There's no answer.)
Brass: Okay.
(Brass unlocks and opens the door. He takes his gun out.)
Brass: Let's go.
(Flashing lights come from inside the warehouse. A high-pitched whir sounds.)
Warrick: What the hell is that?
(Brass and the officer enter the warehouse. Warrick and Grissom follow.)
[EXT. WAREHOUSE -- NIGHT]
(A camera clicks and whirs. Brass and the officers maneuver their way into the warehouse's main room.)
Brass: Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
(He holds the officers back and goes in first. Up on the sheeting on the walls are larger-than-life sized projections of Ryan Lansco.)
(Brass turns the corner first. He sees more projections of Ryan up on the sheeting covering the walls. A camera snaps, flashes and whines. Brass and the officers head to the back.)
(The camera sounds get louder. They head deeper into the warehouse.)
(He turns the final corridor and sees the image of Ryan dead up on the screen. They continue forward. More projections of Ryan are up on the walls.)
(Warrick and Grissom are the last to follow.)
(They turn the last corner and find DIANE KENTNER in bed with RYAN LANSCO. Both of them are dead.)
Brass: Now I remember why I don't like modern art. I'm gonna go call the coroner outside.
(Brass turns and heads back out. The camera continues to snap, flash and whine. Warrick looks at the scene.)
Warrick: I'm slipping, Grissom. I talked to this woman twice, and this body was here the whole time.
Grissom: No one could have predicted this.
(Warrick picks up the empty prescription container from DIANE'S hands.)
Warrick: She was on a daily dose of lithium. Bipolar.
(click, high-pitched whirring)
Warrick: What is this, Grissom, Romeo and Juliet?
Grissom: Postmortem photography-- memento mori. In the 19th century, a photo of your dead loved one was a popular keepsake. Death remembered. One last look.
(Up on the walls, a series of images are played out in sequential order.)
Grissom: Hey.
(The images show Megan pushing Ryan.)
Grissom: Charlie told Nick that Sheila pushed Ryan.
Warrick: Charlie lied ... to protect Megan.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOSPITAL - MEGAN'S ROOM -- DAY]
(Nick knocks on the door before entering.)
Nick: How you feeling?
Megan Cooper: Okay, considering. Oh, my parents are in the cafeteria if you want to wait.
Nick: Oh, no, no, I'm ... I'm good. I just wanted to show you something.
Nick: What do you think about that?
(Nick shows Megan the photo of Megan pushing Ryan.)
Megan Cooper: Is that me? What am I doing?
Nick: Oh, it looks like you're killing your boyfriend. You tell me.
Megan Cooper: Who took this?
Nick: Ms. Kentner.
Megan Cooper: Oh, come on. Obsess much?
Nick: Oh, so, you do remember?
Megan Cooper: No. Not what happened that night.
Nick: I wish I could get selective amnesia. There's a lot in my past I'd like to forget about.
(They look at each other.)
Megan Cooper: If I did push Ryan, and he died, then that was wrong. Don't you think that I've been punished enough?
(Nick says nothing. He turns and leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY]
(The Lanscos follow Brass through the hallway.)
Eddie Lansco: Are you telling me you're not gonna prosecute the girl that killed my son?
Brass: The DA decided not to file. I mean, my guess is that he probably felt he couldn't get a conviction.
Linda Lansco: Wh ... Where's the justice in that?
Brass: Everybody involved in this thing has been punished in some way. I mean, Diane and Sheila are dead. Charlie's probably going to jail, and Megan ...
Eddie Lansco: Got away with murder.
(The Lanscos leave. Brass watches them go.)
[Intro: "Good Enough," by Evanescence.]
[INT. RIDGE VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY]
(A shrine of flowers has been placed under the photos of Sheila, Charlie, Megan and Ryan. The principal walks up to the photos and removes Charlie's photo. He turns and leaves. We linger on the pile of flowers against the wall.)
[INT. SARA'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - NIGHT]
(Sara picks up the straight razor off the bathroom counter. She looks in the mirror and hold up the razor.)
Sara: You trust me?
(She turns and looks at Grissom, who has shaving lather on his beard. Sara faces him.)
Grissom: Intimately.
(He turns his head and lifts his chin slightly to the side. Sara puts her hand on Grissom's ear and raises the razor. She starts to shave off his beard and we -- | Plan: A: Grissom; Q: Who thought the young lovers may have run off to Mexico? A: blood; Q: What do Grissom and his team find in a pool? A: the disappearance; Q: What is the case of Ryan and his girlfriend? A: a high school basketball star; Q: What was Ryan's profession? A: his cheerleader girlfriend; Q: What is Ryan's relationship with? A: the field house; Q: Where did the team find Ryan's letterman jacket and cheerleading sweater? A: the team; Q: Who tries to determine what went wrong? Summary: Grissom and his team are discouraged when they find a pool of blood as they begin investigating the disappearance of a high school basketball star named Ryan and his cheerleader girlfriend. Grissom's quip that the young lovers may have run off to Mexico is soon quashed by the discovery of drops of blood by Ryan's vacant parking spot at the school. After finding a letterman jacket and cheerleading sweater in the field house and a pool of Ryan's blood nearby, the team tries to determine what went awry. |
Michael: It's Britney bitch. And I am back, in the form of a new company. The Michael Scott Paper Company. [tries to parallel park, hits car.] Okay. Not gonna make this one. [drives away revealing plenty of space for the Cruiser]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: LOVE the hair. [Ryan walks up driveway with blonde dyed hair]
Pam: Morning Michael!
Michael: Hello! They took away my parking space but they can't take away my pride! [awkwardly climbs out of his car]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: I would like to invite you all to come away with me, on a journey. [nips mylar ribbon with hedge clippers, it won't cut, he tears it down] Welcome! To the Michael Scott Paper Company!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kelly: So. I thought we could take the customer on a... Then. Then we could...
Jim: You realize you're not actually talking to me, right?
Kelly: And...
Charles: Hey Kelly?
Kelly: Yes? Charles, you wanted me?
Charles: Oh, I meant, I meant that Kelly. [New receptionist walks in]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: The new receptionist is also named Kelly. So Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk, so that she can run into his Charles' office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks if she says "You wanted me" enough, he will in fact want her. It's not the worse plan she's ever had.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Charles: Oh, and Kelly...
Kelly: Yes Charles? Yes, you wanted me?
Charles: Okay, I'm gonna call you Kapoor, okay? And you, Hannon.
Erin: If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name.
Charles: Erin. Okay, that's very pretty.
Kelly: Well you know what my middle name is? Rajani Ghana! And I hate it! I hate it!
Kevin: I thought Rajini Ghanda was a boy's name?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: We are in the heart of it. [Bathroom sounds rattle the small office.] And the surge of water carries our business out to the sea.
Pam: What should we do now?
Michael: We wait, and hope that people show up to the pancake luncheon.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: I don't know I think we've done absolutely everything you can do to prepare for the day. I've updated our contacts, I have gotten quotes from suppliers. I have sent out an E-vite for our big grand opening pancake luncheon. Six yeses, one maybe, only eleven noes. Um, and 788 not yet replieds. But of that group, 782 have viewed it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: I am going to need 800 of these, on nice bright paper. It is a coupon for unparalleled customer service. [He sets sheet between Pam and Ryan on desk. Neither takes it.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: I make that one copy, and I become the girl who makes copies, and by the end of the day I'm receptionist again. And the worst part is, I like making copies. The paper comes out all warm and stuff. And it's cold in there. Cause it's technically a closet.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: What do you think?
Dwight: Let me check. [Pulls out hunting scope] Oh nope! Clearly a hunter. Who knows how to throw an outfit together.
Andy: Thank you!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: You should come into town this weekend man. Yeah, we'll hang out Scranton style.
Michael: Hey you said you were gonna be out of town this weekend.
Ryan: Please don't listen to my phone calls. Yeah, she's like um, she'd probably be a Six in New York, but she's like a Seven here in Scranton. And then uh, my boss is my old boss from Dunder Mifflin. It's a small space.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Charles: Hey Jim can I get a, um-
Jim: Hi! [Awkward]
Charles: Hi. I need a rundown of your clients, can you get that to me.
Jim: Sure!
Charles: Yeah.
Jim: Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: What the hell's a rundown?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: When did you need that rundown by?
Charles: As soon as possible.
Jim: Okay.
Charles: Just get it right.
Jim: Yeah. Gotcha. Of course. I'm gonna dive in. To the rundown. I'll be exhausted 'cause it's like a triathlon. [At door.] Do you want to close this? Close, or keep it?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: Oh.
Dwight: You know there's a ghost in this office
Erin: Really?
Dwight: A woman was murdered on this very floor in 1816. Haddie McGonagle. She was a prostitute.
Erin: Why was she in this building?
Dwight: Oh, this whole place used to be a brothel. There was a tavern on the ground floor.
Erin: That's crazy.
Dwight: Yeah isn't it? She was bludgeoned to death by the business end of a riding crop.
Erin: Oh my god!
Dwight: It was gruesome. They say she walks these hallways. If you ever feel a tapping on your shoulder?
Erin: Hmm.
Dwight: That could be Haddie. Begging for her life. And it could mean, that you're next. [Taps her shoulder]
Erin: Oh! [Dwight and Erin laugh.]
Dwight: Just kidding. You finding everything okay?
Erin: Yeah.
Dwight: Yeah?
Erin: Just got some ice.
Dwight: Erin [eerie voice] Erin...
Andy: Oh, this is awkward. [Andy and Erin 'dance' trying to get out of each other's way]
Erin: Oops!
Andy: Uh oh! Oh! Oh! [Andy improvs musical verbage]
Erin: So I'll see you guys around!
Dwight: Hey buddy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Hey Ryan? [Ryan watches Montgomery Flea Market ad on YouTube] Could you get to that copy from before?
Ryan: Pam's better at that stuff
Pam: That is so insulting.
Ryan: How is it insulting to say that you're good at something?
Pam: Because the thing you're saying I'm good at, is pushing a big green button a bunch of times.
Ryan: I'm not judging it, it's like ... I could run GM but I couldn't fix a car. It's not saying one is better than the other.
Pam: Seriously? Because it sounds like one of those is better than the other.
Ryan: What the hell? [Michael closed his laptop]
Michael: Listen. Listen listen listen listen listen listen. I need someone to make a copy of this. Because I don't make copies, I'm the boss. Got it? I make originals.
Ryan: Yeah I make originals too.
Pam: Shut up!
Michael: Stop it stop it! Bickering! Stop it!
Pam: Really!
Ryan: Yeah!
Toby: Not much? What's up with you? [from bathroom above] Nah it's okay. I'm in the bathroom. Hey you been watching Damages this year? It's so good. No, you gotta tune in, it's as good as anything on HBO. [sound of pissing] Hey does blue go with tan?
Michael: Would someone just make the copy?
Toby: I have like, like a blue shirt? I don't wear a lot of colors, I have a lot of tan. Uh huh.
Michael: Just make that copy okay?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Seriously? This is what's so important, putting naked pictures on the desktop?
Ryan: That's me and my friend Jonathan from Thailand.
Pam: I don't want to look at your friend Jasmine's boobs all day.
Ryan: You could be hot too if you made any effort. At all.
Pam: Like how? Dyeing my hair blond?
Ryan: This is from the sun.
Pam: Oh yeah I bet.
Michael: They're getting on my nerves Mom. Both of them. R thinks he's too good to be here, and P is not as much fun without Jim.
Pam: Michael, we can hear you.
Michael: I'm on the phone, please. Mom, I'm gonna have to call you back. P's being a giant B.
Pam: Okay it's my turn.
Ryan: No don't take that, give that back!
Pam: Give it back for what? What're you gonna do with it?
Ryan: I'm gonna make a spreadsheet.
Pam: You're gonna make another "spreadsheet."
Ryan: Yeah!
Pam: Yeah exactly. It's my turn.
Ryan: Go make a copy, secretary.
Pam: Come on! Ryan!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: They always say that it is a mistake to hire your friends and they are right! So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Hey buddy, what are you up to?
Andy: Um, nerthing?
Dwight: Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated, and your skin flushed, and I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your pen1s.
Andy: Pffft.
Dwight: Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us?
Andy: The last thing I want to do, is step on your funk man.
Dwight: And I, yours. So I will cede her to you.
Andy: No, that's ridiculous.
Dwight: No no no.
Andy: Look you've been here longer, and besides, I'm a better wingman than I am a boyfriend so-
Dwight: Look I just want you and I to hang out so, you know. Just, [They Hi-5 badly] Boom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Listen up. It has come to my attention that some people in this office are not getting along with other people in this office. And I think I have come up with the reason why. This office space is too small.
Pam: Definitely.
Michael: Okay. There are ... 4 corners in this room. Each corner is to be a personal space for each one of you. Whichever corner you want. And make it your own.
Pam: We could work from home.
Ryan: Or you could fire one of us. Whoever has less education.
Michael: Okay guys, thank you for the offers. But I want you to get pumped about this corner idea. All right? 1,2,3- What are we gonna do?
Pam: .... Corner idea?
Michael: No, you're supposed to say, "Rock the house."
Ryan: Rock the house!
Pam: How would we know that?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: Hey dude, you know what a "rundown" is?
Oscar: Use it in a sentence.
Jim: "Uh, can you get this rundown for me?" [impersonating Charles]
Oscar: Try another sentence.
Jim: "This rundown better be really good"?
Oscar: I don't know but it sounds like the rundown is really important.
Jim: Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients.
Oscar: Why don't you just ask him--
Jim: No. I can't. It was like, hours ago.
Oscar: What have you been doing?
Kevin: Try it in another sentence.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: Last night was crazy. Jojo? Yeah. He did a donut in a parking lot in front of a cop. And then he yells, "Hey cop, you like donuts?" then we drive off. No, he just stayed there. [Pam goes to sit in a chair in the corner.] I want that new phone. No, the other one. No the other one. No, you know which one I'm talking about it's the one, the one with the awesome browser. [More bathroom noises] No, not that one.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: That's my corner.
Pam: I thought that was your corner.
Michael: No, this is where I work. I can't relax in the same corner where I work.
Pam: So my corner's the one with the copier?
Michael: Pam, I don't make the rules. [Pam walks out.]
Ryan: Yeah. I wish my iPod could make phone calls. No I don't want an iPhone, I know what an iPhone is.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Charles: You started on that rundown yet? [Looks at Jim's screen.]
Jim: Oh, this is just something I'm taking a break with.
Charles: Oh.
Jim: I will get back to the rundown, uh, right now.
Charles: Okay, great.
Jim: Hey you know what? Do you have a rundown that I could take a look at, just so I know what type of rundown you're looking for ?
Charles: Just keep it simple.
Jim: Keeping it simple -that's what I'm doing. But I am working hard on this one. Real hard.
Charles: You're working hard? On this?
Jim: No. Not too hard. Not harder than I should.
Charles: Right. I mean why work harder than you should.
Jim: No, I....
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: Can I help you?
Pam: No thanks.
Jim: Hey!
Pam: Hey I'm here to see Charles.
Jim: Okay.
Pam: Hey Charles.
Charles: Hey Pam.
Pam: I know you're a very busy man so I'll cut right to the chase. I'd like my old job back.
Charles: I don't know what to tell you. The job's been taken.
Pam: Um, well, I could come back as a salesman. I have experience now.
Charles: Um.
Pam: Or I could come back as your personal assistant. You know? Sort your mail, set your appointments. I know all the people.
Charles: Yeah I know.
Pam: Personal shopper?
Charles: No.
Pam: Well it was great catching up with you. And I'll see you around the building.
Charles: Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: I'm just gonna sit here for a little bit longer if that's okay. The air smells so good. I don't remember it smelling so good. The chairs are so comfortable.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Oh hey! Stanley, Phyllis. Come on in. Welcome, welcome. Let me give you the tour.
Stanley: I get it. [To Phyllis] You need to see more?
Phyllis: It's really cute.
Michael: Thank you. You remember Ryan [Stanley laughs deeply] And Pam is around here somewhere.
Stanley: She's upstairs talking to Charles.
Michael: What for?
Stanley: I don't know. [They shrug and leave.]
Ryan: Are we staying til five?
Michael: Yes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Maybe the Michael Scott Paper Company was a huge mistake. I should leave. I should go, and start my own paper company. That'll show 'em.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Get your free pancakes. They are delicious. They are nutritious. They are complimentary. [Flips a pancake. It's about 8x11 inches] Young sir, would you like a free pancake?
Ryan: I'm texting. I don't want to get my fingers sticky.
Michael: Ryan, enough with the texting machine. Come on. And tuck in your shirt, you're the face of this company.
Michael: Hey Pam.
Pam: Hey.
Michael: You sorta disappeared there for a while. Where ya been?
Pam: Yeah, I needed to take care of some stuff.
Michael: Yeah?
Pam: That's as specific as I'd like to be.
Michael: Well, at least you're still being honest with me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: There's the rundown you asked for. I may have expanded some areas that you weren't prepared for.
Charles: Great. Fax that to everyone on the distribution list.
Jim: Yeah sure. You want to look at it first?
Charles: Do I need to?
Jim: No. No, I just wanted to make sure, it was in the same format. So that distribution list is gonna be my...?
Charles: What's that?
Jim: The one I have. I'll use the one I have.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: Just faxing. My Dad. A rundown.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: We're small, but we're eager to make a name for ourselves.
Man: Do you have a card?
Pam: Nope, I don't have a card, but I'll do you one better. A little scrap of paper.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Creed: These are terrible boss. You gotta make them in a circle so that they cook evenly.
Michael: These are shaped like paper.
Creed: Well I don't even want these. [Takes the rectangle pancakes out of his coat.]
Meredith: I'll take them for my kid.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: Country roads, take me home, to the place...[Dwight is strumming the tune on his guitar] Sorry. I like that song. You're good!
Dwight: You're good.
Erin: Thank you.
Andy: That was great, but it's just sort of, it's still a little choppy like. But don't worry, it's hard, it took me a while too. It's like [Andy plays Country Roads on his banjo.]
Erin: Wow!
Andy: What? Oh my God you heard that I'm so embarrassed. I'm like so rusty.
Dwight: Oh it's good, you're coming along. It's really technically proficient but really there's no heart or soul in it.
Andy: Really?
[Dwight plays a hearty strum of the song, Andy stands and starts a banjo solo]
Dwight: Hey you want to sing with me? Almost heaven...
Dwight and Erin: West Virginia, Blue Ridge mountain, Shenandoah River [Andy vocalizes]
Dwight: In German! Leben ist dort alt, alter als die Baume, Junger als die Berge, wie eine Brise blasend
Dwight and Andy: Take me home, country roads, to the place, I belong. West Virginia, mountain momma, take me home, country roads. [Erin leaves]
Dwight: Take it Andy! Take me home, to the place I belong, Ba bah dah duh
Toby: You have to stop. [bangs on glass window]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Michael sits alone at the pancake table alone, the breeze blowing paper around.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: I once had a dream. That I was eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. And, let me tell you something it was delicious. So the next day, I decided to make that sandwich. And in real life it is disgusting. [The phone rings] It is a disgusting sandwich. [It rings again.] And the reason I tell you this story. [phone] Pick up the phone.
Pam: Dunder Miff...Michael Scott Paper Company, this is Pam. Oh, hi Russell from the pancake luncheon, how are you? Well we'd like to do business with you too! How can we make that happen?
Ryan: Keep going. [Whispers]
Michael: Don't tell them we have free delivery! [Also whispers]
Pam: We already offered free delivery!
Michael: They don't know that!
Pam: Um, I can offer you free delivery on any order that you place today. Okay, twenty boxes? I can do... just a second. I can do 20 boxes at 43 dollars a box. Great!
Ryan: Write it down.
Michael: Give him a guarantee.
Pam: A guarantee of what?
Michael: Just say the word.
Pam: And I guarantee, that you will be satisfied! 'Cause your satisfaction is our guarantee! We guarantee it. We look forward to doing business with you too. Thank you Russell.
Michael: Yes!
Pam: I made a sale!
Ryan: Oh!
Michael: You did!
Pam: Oh!
Michael: Oh yeah!
Ryan: We did it !
Michael: She did it!
Michael: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [Dancing in the office]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Who would have thought, that the thing that would save this company would be work? And pancakes? In the end, this day definitely had its ups and downs. I realize that we don't have the biggest office. Which is a surprise, because 165 square feet sounds like a lot. But, we have people with the biggest hearts. And I think for a small company that is really [flushing] Someone went to the bathroom. That is really what's important.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song.
Dwight: Cherry Pie, Warrant.
Andy: Better a cappella!
Dwight: No! Really?
Andy: Yeah. Name another.
Dwight: Enter Sandman, Metallica.
Andy: Better a cappella.
Dwight: Rebel Yell, Billy Idol
Andy: Aw!! Way better a cappella
Dwight: Really?
Andy: Yeah. | Plan: A: Pam; Q: Who makes her first sale for the company? A: such close quarters; Q: What do Michael, Pam, and Ryan dislike about working together? A: a Paper & Pancakes luncheon; Q: What event did Michael, Pam, and Ryan host? A: Dwight and Andy's unlikely friendship; Q: What is tested when they are both attracted to the new receptionist Erin? A: Jim; Q: Who spends his day trying to figure out what Charles means by his request for a "run down"? A: The Michael Scott Paper Company; Q: What alternate title sequence is featured in the movie? Summary: Michael, Pam, and Ryan chafe working in such close quarters. After hosting a Paper & Pancakes luncheon, they are about to call it quits when Pam makes her first sale for the company. Dwight and Andy's unlikely friendship is tested when they are both attracted to the new receptionist Erin. Jim spends his day trying to figure out what Charles means by his requested "run down". Includes an alternate title sequence featuring The Michael Scott Paper Company. |
ACT ONE
Scene One - Frasier's Car Frasier is driving his BMW with his date, Chelsea, sitting next to him. Daphne and Niles are in the back seat. All four are dressed for a night at the opera.
Frasier: Oh Chelsea, you are in for a rare treat tonight. Hmm, this is the best opera, and Ben Heppner is singing the role of Tristan.
Chelsea: Oh, this is gonna be a whole new experience for me.
Daphne: Why, you've never been bored before?
The engine stalls and the car slides to a stop.
Frasier: Oh, dear. The car seems to have stalled. [turns the keys, no luck]
Niles: Oh great, now what?
Frasier: All right, let's not panic. Chelsea, if you would, please, open the glove compartment. You will find a flashlight and a small toolkit. Reach behind them, and hand me my cell phone. I'm going to call the auto club.
Niles: By the time they get here, we'll miss the opera.
Chelsea: You know, my ex-boyfriend used to restore Corvettes. Maybe I can poke around and take a look.
Daphne: I suppose I could give you a hand. You don't grow up with eight brothers and not learn a thing or two about engines. Or the importance of being first in the shower.
Frasier: Now, now, ladies, Niles and I are no strangers to the automobile. Niles, let's have a look. I'll pop the hood.
Niles: That won't void the warranty, will it?
Frasier: [laughs to cover] That's very funny, Niles. No cause for alarm, ladies. Here we go.
He pulls a switch. Behind them, the trunk (boot) pops open, demolishing his credibility beyond repair.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Apartment Martin and Roz are sitting in the apartment. Martin is cradling a Dalmatian puppy, when Eddie runs in.
Martin: Ha-hey, Eddie! [to the puppy] This is my boy, Eddie! Frasier comes in.
Martin: This is my other boy, Frasier!
Frasier: Oh, dear God! Dad, you know very well we have no room in this house for another dog, let alone a puppy! They chew the furniture, they-they dig like demons, and they soil the carpet!
Roz: The puppy's mine, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh well, congratulations, everybody should have one.
Roz: Alice just begged me for one. Martin, thank you so much for helping me pick him out.
Martin: Oh, are you kidding? I had a blast!
He hands him to Roz, then takes out:
Martin: Now, here's Eddie's old puppy collar, and his brush, and his first chew toy.
Roz hands the puppy to Frasier to accept them. He immediately starts climbing up Frasier's shirt and licking his face.
Roz: Oh Martin, I can't believe you kept all his things.
Martin: Well, always thought he'd have a brother or two. You know, you always think you're gonna have one more.
Frasier: [nearly smothered] Dad, I said you could have a fish! Roz, would you help me here, please?!
She picks up the puppy.
Roz: You know, Martin, I could use someone to help me walk him while I'm at work. You could be like his grandfather.
Martin: That'd be great! You know, he looks kind of thirsty, Roz, you might want to get him some water.
Roz: Oh, that's a good idea.
The doorbell rings. Daphne comes out.
Daphne: Oh look, a puppy! Frasier opens the door to Niles, carrying a book.
Frasier: Ah hello, Niles. Come on in.
Niles: Hello, Frasier. Took me half the morning, but I finally found it.
Frasier: Good.
Martin: Found what?
Niles: Uh, a night school catalog.
Martin: Oh, what classes you guys looking for?
Niles: Auto repair.
Martin: [laughs] No, seriously.
Frasier: No, no, we are serious, Dad. Niles and I felt completely helpless last night when my car broke down.
Niles: And I vowed never to be humiliated that way again.
Frasier: You know, I'm more than a little convinced that's why Chelsea turned me down for a second date.
Daphne: I'm sure that had nothing to do with it. If I had to guess, I'd say it was all that blubbering at the opera that killed your chances.
Frasier: But it was Ben Heppner singing Tristan!
Niles: You'd have to be stone not to weep at his tragic end!
Martin: Hey, hey! [covers his ears] Haven't seen it yet.
Frasier: [opens the catalog] Here we are: Basic Car Repair & Maintenance. I will call the bursar at once.
Martin: You guys are really gonna do this?
Frasier: Mmm-hmm.
Martin: Monkey around with engines, get calluses and grease under your nails?
Frasier: Yes. Actually, I'm looking forward to it, Dad.
Martin: Well, good for you, Frasier! I'm impressed.
Frasier: As the enigma we call Shakespeare once wrote, "I am a true laborer. I earn that I eat, get that I wear. O no man hate, envy no man's happiness."
Martin: You just couldn't let me enjoy it, could you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Roz's Apartment Roz comes home from work. Martin is sitting with the puppy.
Martin: Hey, Roz.
Roz: Hey, Grandpa. How was the little critter today?
Martin: Ah, terrific. Ate all his chow - least he did after I added some water, giving it a kind of gravy texture. Then we took a walk in the park. They're only young once, Roz. Savor the days.
Roz sits on the couch. The puppy jumps onto her lap and stands up, licking her face.
Roz: You had a good day today, didn't you? Didn't you? Yes?
Martin: Roz?
Roz: What?
Martin: You shouldn't play with him that way.
Roz: Why not?
Martin: If you let him stand on you, it makes him think he's dominant, and you're below him in the pack.
Roz: Oh, I didn't know that. [puts him down, and he sits on the couch]
Martin: Don't worry, it's a common mistake. That's why I'm here. So, uh, you're just gonna let him sit on the couch like that?
Roz: Yeah. He looks cute.
Martin: Well, all right, but you know if you let him sit on the furniture, he's gonna think he's equal to you.
Roz: I've seen Eddie sitting on the furniture.
Martin: [laughs] You don't really want to compare this puppy to Eddie, now do you?
Roz: All I'm saying is Eddie breaks those rules.
Martin: And Hank Aaron held his bat all wrong! The great ones have always broken the rules. But first they learn the fundamentals, and that's what I'm trying to teach Frankie.
Roz: "Frankie?" You named my dog?
Martin: Well, he's got to have a name to respond to, and you were taking a long time coming up with one.
Roz: Well, Alice picked one last night: Ariel, from The Little Mermaid.
Martin: [appalled] Ariel? That's a girl's name!
Roz: I know, but she likes it, so we're going to stick with it.
Martin: Oh, all right. [under his breath] Shouldn't screw the dog up too much.
Roz: What?
Martin: Nothing, I-I'd better be heading home.
Roz: Wait, I'll walk with you. I'm gonna take Ariel with me to pick up Alice at preschool. [looks around] Where'd he go?
Martin: He's in the bedroom.
Roz: Ariel! Ariel! Oh shoot, I'm gonna be late. Ariel!
Martin: [not raising his voice] Frankie?
The puppy runs out of the bedroom and stops next to Martin's foot. He smiles.
Roz: Not one word. They leave together.
[SCENE_BREAK]
GENTLEMEN, MEET YOUR ENGINES
Scene Four - Classroom Frasier and Niles are sitting in desks in the front row, looking the very picture of model students - backs straight, collars buttoned, eager smiles, and shiny new notebooks.
Niles: Feels good to be back in class again, doesn't it?
Frasier: It's fantastic. You know, I'm almost jealous of whoever gets to sit here during the day and make learning his full-time occupation.
Niles: [looks over] Well, judging from the carving on your desk, it looks like his name is "Ozzy."
Frasier: [looking down] Yes, and apparently he "rules."
Randy, the class teacher, comes in.
Randy: All right, everybody, my name is Randy, and if you'll take your seats we'll get started.
Niles: We're already seated, Randy!
Randy: Welcome to Basic Car Repair & Maintenance. This is gonna be a real simple, low-stress class for people who don't know much about cars.
Shirley, a middle-aged woman, puts her hand up.
Randy: Yeah?
Shirley: What if you don't know anything about cars - I mean, absolutely nothing?
Randy: Well, then-
Frasier: [getting up] Randy, if I may? [turns and addresses the room] On behalf of the class, I would like to say that I-I feel that we're all a bit anxious. But with Randy as our driver, and Desire as our gasoline, we will complete this journey together. To paraphrase a famous little engine, "I think we can."
A man in the middle row gathers his books and leaves the room.
Randy: Thank you. [Frasier sits back down] Anyway, let's, uh, start with the basics. A car burns gasoline to create small, carefully-timed explosions, whose energy is converted by the engine into forward motion. [turns to the chalkboard] I'll show you how that happens.
As Randy continues talking, Frasier leans over and whispers to Niles.
Frasier: So, the engine is just like the timpani, the way it drives the orchestra forward.
Niles: [also whispering] The conductor drives the orchestra, not the timpani.
Frasier: Niles, the conductor guides the orchestra. He's more like the steering wheel. The actual driving forward - the driving forward is actually executed by the percussion section.
Niles: Seems like someone needs to take a class in orchestra rather than automobiles.
On the chalkboard, Randy has finished drawing a complex diagram.
Randy: ...which links the crankshaft to the camshaft, so that the valves are in sync with the pistons.
Shirley: Oh!
Frasier and Niles exchange a glance of mingled incomprehension and panic.
Randy: Now, as you can imagine, tolerance is very important in every component...
Niles: [as Randy continues; whispering] What's a camshaft?
Frasier: [whispering] I don't know, you were talking!
Niles: [looks through his textbook] Oh, here it is. [reads] "The camshaft is a system that opens and closes the valves." Oh right, so it's this thing here.
Frasier: Oh, right, right!
Niles: Whew!
Frasier: Good God!
Niles: That was close. We almost got behind.
Frasier: We must not let that happen again.
Niles: Agreed.
Randy: ...And if you only take one thing away from this course, that should be it!
Frasier and Niles exchange another look and start writing madly in their books.
Randy: OK, moving on!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Five - Classroom Later that night, the students are working on sample engines sitting on the table. Niles is the only one in the room wearing safety goggles.
Randy: So, if you're finished changing spark plugs, you're free to leave, and I'll see you next week.
All the students leave, except Frasier, Niles, and Shirley.
Frasier: Niles, it's down to us and Shirley!
Shirley: [ecstatic] I did it! I did it! Whoo!
Randy: Good job, Shirley.
She leaves.
Niles: All right, all right, perseverance, Frasier. We'll get this.
Frasier: Right, right. Oh, would you take off those stupid goggles?
Niles: Well, I'm sorry, it's for safety.
Frasier: Nobody else wore them!
Niles: No one else wore them in gym class either, but then Tommy Fritz scratched his cornea, and then they were mandatory!
Frasier: Give me that wrench. Give me that wrench!
He wrests it away and tries to loosen a spark-plug.
Niles: I'm telling you, I'm telling you, they are too tight!
Frasier: Here, I'll just try to loosen it up.
He starts hammering a plug with the wrench.
Randy: Whoa, whoa! Remember, uh, spark plugs come out with a simple twist-and-pull. Twist-and-pull. Give it a try.
Frasier does, pulling hard. Something snaps.
Randy: OK, uh, that's called stripping it.
Niles: Good job, Frasier! Here, let me strip one.
Randy: No, no, stripping it means breaking it. Uh, watch me.
He takes the wrench and easily pops out a spark plug.
Frasier: So you... twist, and then pull. You see, I was twisting and pulling simultaneously, as per your instructions: "twist-and- pull."
Niles: In the future, the phrase "twist, then pull" might help.
Randy: Look fellas, maybe that's enough for one night. But, uh, why don't you come in a little early next week and I'll try to get you caught up to everyone else. I've got a feeling you guys are gonna be my special project.
He leaves. Frasier and Niles regard each other with the shocked horror of patients who have just been diagnosed with some strange disease that is not only fatal, but was also thought to have disappeared long ago.
Niles: Frasier... we have to come in for tutoring. We've become remedial students!
Frasier: I know! It's humiliating!
Niles: I thought we signed up for this class to avoid humiliation!
Frasier: Well, I guess we're just gonna have to roll up our shirtsleeves and see it through for the next eight weeks.
Niles: Of course we will.
They start to gather their books.
Frasier: Although...
Niles: I'm listening.
Frasier: What do we actually accomplish by learning to change our own spark plugs? Oh yes, of course we acquire a new skill, but aren't we taking a job away from a qualified mechanic?
Niles: Someone who may have a family to support. Not to mention all the merchants who dispend on his disposable income for their livelihood!
Frasier: Yes, yes, the human toll begins to mount!
Niles: Society decays!
Frasier: Not if I have anything to say about it! Niles, I'm quitting! If you care one jot about civilization, you'll quit too.
Niles: Our duty is clear. Do we have time for gelatos?
Frasier: I think so, yes.
They leave.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Six - Apartment Frasier and Niles arrive home. Daphne comes out.
Daphne: There's my burly mechanic.
Niles: Hello, Daphne.
Daphne: Your ears must have been burning tonight. I've been bragging about you on the phone to my mum. [kisses him] I know I said you didn't have to take this auto class, but I rather like the idea of my man being able to rescue me by the roadside.
Niles: You do?
Daphne: Yeah. It just shows me how much you care. [kisses him again]
Niles: Well, um, next week we're flushing radiators.
She leads him by the hand to the kitchen.
Frasier: Niles! Niles waves a "go-away" hand. Martin comes out with a small toolbox.
Martin: Hey, Mr. Goodwrench. Recognize this?
Frasier: No.
Martin: Well, it's your grandpa's old toolbox. He gave it to me when I was eighteen. I think you're ready for it now.
Frasier: Oh! Well, thanks Dad, but, uh...
Martin: I know it sounds kind of corny, but it meant a lot to me when my father gave that to me. Every time I use it I'd think of him. Maybe every time you use it in class, you'll think of your old man and how proud he is.
Frasier: Gosh, Dad, I don't know what to say.
Martin: Maybe someday you'll pass it on to your son.
Frasier: Well, first maybe I'll remove the topless playing cards.
[does so]
Martin: Your grandpa loved the nudies.
END OF ACT ONE
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT TWO
THE COASTERS
Scene Seven - Café Nervosa Frasier and Niles are at a table, poring hard over their textbooks. Roz comes in, talking on her cell phone.
Roz: Yes Martin, I'll be home in time to feed the puppy. I said I would be home! OK, bye-bye. [hangs up] Your dad is driving me nuts about this dog!
Frasier: Roz, do you mind? We're trying to study.
Roz: Wow, reminds me of college. Staying up all night before a big exam and wishing I'd studied instead.
Frasier: Yes, as much as we'd love to relive those four months with you, our class begins shortly. We're trying to learn last week's material.
Niles: [closes his book] Oh Frasier, it's useless, it's pointless, it's boring, and really, who cares?
Roz: Wow, it sounds like you guys should just quit.
Frasier: If only we could, Roz. I, it's just that Dad and Daphne are so proud of us, we can't let them down. They already bought mahogany frames so they could showcase our certificates of completion.
Roz: So complete it! I mean, it doesn't mean you have to ace it. Just sit there and nod your head a few times, and you're home free.
Niles: Are you suggesting we... coast?
Frasier: We have never walked the back alleys of underachievement before.
Niles: Dare we?
They exchange a cunning look. Frasier smiles and flips his book shut. Niles does the same.
Niles: Ho! [laughs] I felt a chill!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Eight - Apartment Martin is playing with Frankie/Ariel, wrestling with a sock. Eddie sits nearby.
Martin: Come on, Eddie, get in on this! [Eddie stares] Oh, what? You're too grown up for the sock game?
Someone knocks on the door.
Martin: Come in! Roz comes in.
Roz: Hey, Martin- [sees the puppy] What the hell is going on?
Martin: Well, you were late, so I brought Frankie here.
Roz: His name is Ariel, and I was fifteen minutes late!
Martin: Well, that's almost two hours in doggie minutes! Plus you didn't put the top back on his worm medicine, plus the water in his dish got dusty. You know, Roz, I don't think the set- up's working out too well.
Roz: I'll say!
Martin: So I was thinking it might be best if he lived here with me for a while.
Roz: What?!
Martin: Just until he grows up a little bit. You know, they need a lot of attention at this age.
Roz: I asked you to help me, Martin, not take over. You're acting like my mother!
Martin: [to the puppy] See how she talks to me? After all I've done for her, and this is the thanks I get!
Roz: Give him to me!
Martin: Roz, I don't think you're in the right frame of mind.
Roz: Give him to me.
Martin: No!
Roz: [picks up Eddie] Well, I'm leaving here with a dog, one way or another.
Martin: You wouldn't.
Roz: [heading for the door] Try me.
Martin: No, wait!
She stops. They stand off, like negotiators in the middle of a hostage swap.
Martin: You first.
Roz puts Eddie down. Martin gives her the puppy. She lifts him to her face and he starts licking it.
Martin: You're not holding him right.
Roz: Damn it, Martin, just because I'm not raising him your way doesn't mean I'm raising him the wrong way, so butt out.
Martin: All right. Can I at least come and visit him once in a while?
Roz: You think you can do it without criticizing me?
Martin: Yeah, I promise.
Roz: OK. You can come visit.
Martin: Bye, Frankie.
Roz: Hmm?
Martin: [grudging] Ariel.
Roz: See you later, Martin.
Roz leaves. Martin settles back in his Armchair. Eddie jumps onto his lap and grabs the sock.
Martin: Hey, there's my boy! Yes, yeah, come on, OK... They start to sock-wrestle.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Nine - Classroom Randy is lecturing. Frasier and Niles are now sitting in the back row, looking the picture of coasters - slouched lazily, doodling with their pencils, and grinning with "the bored, cocky air of athletes in math class." - (The phrase is Joe Keenan's, from his novel "Putting on the Ritz")
Randy: Uh, the brake pedal feels a little mushy. What is the possible cause?
Several students, including Shirley, raise their hands.
Randy: Uh, let's get someone new this time. How about Frasier? Frasier looks up, surprised.
Frasier: What?
Randy: What would cause a mushy feeling in the brakes?
Long pause.
Frasier: I don't know.
Randy: Niles?
Niles: Uh, mush?
Shirley: It's caused by a leak in the brake line!
Randy: Good, Shirley, did everybody hear that?
Frasier: [aside to Niles] Her voice was kind of muffled, what with her lips being pressed up against Randy's butt.
Niles: Yeah!
They snigger.
Randy: Guys, this is the last time I'm gonna tell you, keep it down, OK? A leak in the brake line is, uh, certainly a possible cause.
Frasier passes Niles a note. Niles reads it and giggles.
Randy: Ah, another cause for it might be the wheel sill. If the caps are brittle and cracked, uh, you can develop a leak there or two. Either case, the hydraulics... [Frasier and Niles are still giggling] Is that a funny note there? I enjoy funny things. Why don't I share it with the class?
He takes the note, reads it... and folds it up.
Randy: Does anybody here read French? Nobody does. Frasier grins and raises his hand.
Randy: Anyone besides Frasier? Niles grins and raises his hand. They dissolve into giggles again.
Randy: Let me see you guys out in the hall. The other students make "Ooh..." "Busted!" noises.
Randy: And bring your books and tools.
Frasier: Oh-ho, we're in trouble now.
Niles: [laughing] We're not in trouble, we are trouble.
Out in the hall, however, as soon as they close the door behind them, Frasier and Niles are immediately contrite.
Frasier: Please, please don't throw us out!
Niles: We'll shut up, we promise!
Randy: You've promised that four times tonight. Sorry, you're gone.
Frasier: But what are we gonna tell our dad?
Niles: And my girlfriend?
Randy: Maybe you should have thought of that before you started goofing off.
Niles: OK. So, uh, how's this work, Randy? You-you mail us our certificates of completion, or what?
Randy: [goes along] Yeah. Um, let me go get a pen and paper for your addresses.
Frasier: All-righty.
Randy goes back in the classroom and shuts the door, even as Frasier pulls a pen out of his briefcase. They wait for a few seconds, then Niles tries the door. It's securely locked.
Niles: He's not coming back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Ten - Counter Frasier and Niles are both resting on a counter, with two cups of coffee.
Niles: Not only did we stink at Auto class, we stunk at coasting through Auto class.
Frasier: We became back-row hooligans, Niles. The very students we hated back in school.
Niles: I always thought they were just mean. Now I realize they were simply acting out of frustration.
Frasier: So when Billy Kreizel tried to stuff you into your locker after math class, he wasn't really mad at you. He was mad at Pythagoras.
Niles: Which is ironic, because a simple volume equation would have shown him I couldn't fit.
Frasier: You know, we never should have lied to Dad and Daphne. If we wanted to quit, we should have just quit.
Niles: Yes, it would have saved us a lot of embarrassment.
Well, that's the lesson here: never deny your true nature.
Frasier: That's right: honesty.
The camera widens to show them standing below a sign that says "COOL COPY." A clerk comes back with a phony night-school certificate.
Clerk: This certificate look official enough?
Frasier: I think you finally got it.
Niles: Two, please.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Café Nervosa:
Frasier and Niles are seated in the booth by the door, making spitballs and putting them in straws. They shoot a salvo at Randy, who is standing by the counter. As he turns around, they cover their faces with newspapers. He turns back. They shoot another salvo at him, then cover their faces again.
Randy leaves the cafe, shaking his head. Frasier and Niles grin and exchange hand-slaps. | Plan: A: Frasier; Q: Whose car broke down and he had to admit to his date that he knew nothing about engines? A: evening; Q: What time of day did Frasier and Niles decide to attend a class in basic car maintenance? A: Daphne; Q: Who reveals to Niles that she is proud of him? A: Martin; Q: Who does Roz ask to help her with her new puppy? A: Roz; Q: Who bought a Dalmatian puppy for Alice? A: the dog; Q: What does Roz get annoyed with Martin for naming? A: a chance; Q: What does Alice not have to name her puppy? Summary: After an embarrassing occasion when Frasier's car broke down and he had to admit to his date that he knew nothing about engines, he and Niles decide to attend an evening class in basic car maintenance. The experience reminds them of being back at school, but this time they struggle and decide to quit. However, when Daphne and Martin reveal to Niles and Frasier respectively just how proud they are, they wonder if their decision to quit was too hasty. Roz has bought a Dalmatian puppy for Alice and asks Martin for some help looking after him. However, Roz becomes annoyed when Martin starts to become overbearing in his efforts, even to the extent of naming the dog before Alice has a chance. |
WARRIORS OF THE DEEP
BY: JOHNNY BYRNE
Part One
First Air Date: 5 January 1984
Running time: 24:48
[SCENE_BREAK]
VORSHAK: What do you think?
BULIC: Too small to be a hunter-killer.
VORSHAK: Could be one of their probes trying to locate our position. Computer scan.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SCIBUS: No hostile movements registered.
ICHTAR: Excellent, Scibus, but continue to monitor their activities. We must remain undetected until we are ready to act.
[SCENE_BREAK]
KARINA: We've lost it, Commander.
VORSHAK: Readings?
KARINA: It seems to be organic in structure, and radiating heat.
PRESTON: Check.
VORSHAK: Volcanic debris?
NILSON: More than possible. We're close to the oceanic fault here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TURLOUGH: How are we doing?
DOCTOR: Oh, on target, it seems. You changed your mind about going home.
TURLOUGH: Well, I, er, I thought I would learn more if I stayed with you. It's true.
DOCTOR: Of course.
TURLOUGH: I mean it.
DOCTOR: I believe you. I'm just a little doubtful about how resolute you'll remain.
TURLOUGH: Time will tell.
DOCTOR: Yes, indeed. Aboard the TARDIS it always does.
TURLOUGH: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: Earth.
TURLOUGH: What for?
DOCTOR: I promised to show Tegan a little of her planet's future. We're almost there. You could let her know.
[SCENE_BREAK]
VORSHAK: Nothing. What's the matter?
BULIC: I think we should launch a reconnaissance probe.
VORSHAK: Forever cautious.
BULIC: I've spent too long on a Sea Base not to be. And given how unstable the current political situation is, an attack is not to be unexpected.
VORSHAK: Launch an unmanned probe.
KARINA: Sir.
VORSHAK: Happier?
BULIC: Thank you, sir.
VORSHAK: The base is to remain on full alert, and Maddox?
MADDOX: Sir?
VORSHAK: If there is enemy activity outside, we could go to missile run, so stand by.
MADDOX: Yes, sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SCIBUS: The base has launched a probe.
ICHTAR: The Myrka can deal with it.
TARPOK: We are ready to begin, Ichtar.
ICHTAR: Good. For hundreds of years our Sea Devil brothers have lain entombed, waiting patiently for this day. It concerns me that they did not wake up as we had planned in the first place.
ICHTAR: Their enforced period of hibernation may have caused much muscular and organic degeneration. We shall soon see, Tarpok. Proceed.
[SCENE_BREAK]
KARINA: What's the matter?
MADDOX: I can't do it.
KARINA: Of course you can.
MADDOX: You saw me out there.
KARINA: You wouldn't be here if there was any doubt about your fitness for the job.
MADDOX: I'm a student on attachment to Sea Base Four to study an experienced sync operator in action, not to take his place. I'm not ready.
KARINA: Until Lieutenant Michaels' replacement arrives, there isn't anyone else.
MADDOX: I know. I'd feel much happier if there'd been a proper investigation into the Lieutenant's death.
KARINA: It was a careless accident. There was nothing to investigate.
MADDOX: Lieutenant Michaels was careful to the point of paranoia. Men like that aren't electrocuted carrying out simple maintenance.
KARINA: You reported your suspicion?
MADDOX: Of course, but Commander Vorshak's not interested. He just keeps going on about what a marvellous opportunity this is for me to gain hard experience.
KARINA: The Commander's right.
MADDOX: Maybe he is, but I'm also aware that if we so go to missile alert I don't think I can press that button.
KARINA: Listen to me. Don't throw your whole career away because you don't feel quite ready. That's silly. Lieutenant Michaels' replacement arrives the day after tomorrow. There may not be a missile run before then anyway.
MADDOX: All right.
KARINA: Come back to the bridge?
[SCENE_BREAK]
TURLOUGH: Now what?
DOCTOR: It's my own fault. I should, er, I should have changed it for a Type 57 while I had the chance.
TEGAN: We're where we should be, aren't we?
DOCTOR: Oh, yes. Very close to Earth, in orbit above the atmosphere belt.
TEGAN: So what's the problem?
DOCTOR: Er, slight hiccup in our time zones. We're too far advanced. I'm sorry.
TURLOUGH: Doctor, look.
TEGAN: What is it?
DOCTOR: It's a robot weapons system. It seems to be scanning us.
SENTINEL (OOV.): This is Sentinel Six. You have entered a forbidden military zone. Transmit your security clearance code.
DOCTOR: Reset the coil cut-out.
DOCTOR: Sentinel Six, could you repeat your instructions, please.
SENTINEL (OOV.): This is Sentinel Six. You have entered a forbidden military zone. Transmit your security clearance code or you will be destroyed.
DOCTOR: Sentinel Six, we have no hostile intentions. Our presence here is purely temporary. All we need is a bit of time to alter coordinates.
TEGAN: Why doesn't it answer?
DOCTOR: Well, it's obviously thinking it over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
NILSON: It's time to move, Solow. We've got our man.
SOLOW: Maddox?
NILSON: Yes, you were right. He is psychologically unsuited for his work.
SOLOW: I'm glad to hear it. I must admit I was a little concerned lately that my diagnosis was inaccurate.
NILSON: No, you can congratulate yourself and stop worrying. The sudden demise of Lieutenant Michaels has paid us an immediate dividend.
SOLOW: You're a hard man, Nilson, but you forget, I'm a doctor. Murder does not come easily to a person of my training.
NILSON: Don't bleat, Solow. We've waited long enough for an opportunity like this.
SOLOW: I realise that.
NILSON: And nothing must go wrong. So if your conscience bothers you, lock it away in a strong box until our task is completed.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEGAN: Please hurry, Doctor. That thing isn't going to lie there contemplating its navel forever.
DOCTOR: Don't panic, Tegan. Now look, just push this. Almost there.
SENTINEL (OOV.): This is Sentinel Six. You are formally identified as a hostile intruder.
DOCTOR: Sentinel Six, we are unarmed.
SENTINEL (OOV.): Repeat. Transmit your security clearance codes. This is your final warning.
DOCTOR: Sentinel Six, we need just a little more time then we will be on our way.
TEGAN: Doctor, look!
DOCTOR: We're out of control.
TURLOUGH: We're going to crash!
DOCTOR: Not if I can perform a materialisation flip flop.
DOCTOR: Stage one.
[SCENE_BREAK]
VORSHAK: What is it?
KARINA: The reconnaissance probe's been destroyed, sir.
VORSHAK: Perimeter defence stand by. Feed the coordinates of the hostile directly to them. We'll blast it out of the water.
KARINA: I can't. The only thing registering on the scanners is marine life.
PRESTON: That can't be so. A creature strong enough to destroy the probe doesn't exist.
VORSHAK: Well?
BULIC: Karina's right.
VORSHAK: Maddox, verify.
MADDOX: Computer has started countdown.
VORSHAK: Your assessment, Bulic?
BULIC: It's difficult to tell. It could be a practice run ordered by the computer. Equally it could have been triggered by what's happened out there.
VORSHAK: Then we must assume the missile run is for real. All teams to battle stations.
PRESTON: Battle teams one, two and three take up defence position.
KARINA: Sentinel Six reports engaging unidentified flying object. Attempts to shoot it down proved unsuccessful, but it has now disappeared.
BULIC: Missile computer is on automatic targeting. Arming of the proton missiles is in progress.
VORSHAK: Prepare to sync up. Maddox! I said take up your position. The function of the base depends on you! What's wrong?
MADDOX: I can't do it, sir.
VORSHAK: Without you, our missiles are useless.
MADDOX: Don't you think I realise that?
VORSHAK: Sync up, Maddox. Find out what the computer is doing. Come on, we could be at war!
[SCENE_BREAK]
TURLOUGH: We made it.
TEGAN: I don't believe it.
TURLOUGH: I don't think the Doctor does either.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, I admit it was close.
[SCENE_BREAK]
BULIC: Relax. Just access what the computer tells you and leave the final decision to the Commander.
MADDOX: But I still have to press the button.
BULIC: It may not come to that.
BULIC: We have sync up to missile computer, Commander.
VORSHAK: Go ahead, Maddox.
MADDOX: Missiles are locked onto targets.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEGAN: Where are we?
DOCTOR: Still in the same time zone.
TURLOUGH: And on Earth?
DOCTOR: I think so. Let's find out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MADDOX: Missiles armed.
VORSHAK: Prepare to fire.
BULIC: Countdown to missile launch, one hundred and fifty and counting.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEGAN: It's a bit chilly in here.
TURLOUGH: It seems to be a ship of some kind.
DOCTOR: Or submarine. There's no motion. It could be on the seabed. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
BULIC: Thirty seconds to launch.
VORSHAK: Stand by.
VORSHAK: We can breathe again.
NILSON: Commander!
VORSHAK: Get him out of here.
NILSON: Take him to the PS unit.
VORSHAK: What a time for a practice run.
BULIC: You realise the base is defenceless with Maddox in the state he is.
PRESTON: And we still haven't established what destroyed our probe, nor what Sentinel Six shot at.
VORSHAK: Sound the all clear, but the base it to remain on full alert.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEGAN: What's that noise?
DOCTOR: Yes, of course. A Sea Base.
TURLOUGH: Doctor.
DOCTOR: Oh, thank you.
DOCTOR: Ah ha. That, Turlough, was the all clear.
TEGAN: Must be some kind of research station.
DOCTOR: No, no, it's a Sea Base. A rather special kind of undersea military colony. Help me get this open, would you? Armed with the sort of missiles that kill life but leave everything else intact.
TURLOUGH: Proton?
DOCTOR: Very probably.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TARPOK: The Sea Base has completed a practice missile run.
ICHTAR: Then our presence remains undetected. Continue to monitor the Sea Base. This process will not take long. Have we any indications of the conditions within?
SCIBUS: No. The temperature level inside is below the range of the sensors.
[SCENE_BREAK]
VORSHAK: Launch another probe.
KARINA: Sir.
VORSHAK: Bridge.
NILSON (OOV.): Nilson here. We have a problem with Maddox. I think you should come down, Commander.
VORSHAK: Right. Bulic, you're in command. I'll be in the psycho-surgical unit.
BULIC: Sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEGAN: What year are we in?
DOCTOR: Around 2084.
TEGAN: Little seems to have changed since my time.
DOCTOR: Absolutely nothing, Tegan. There are still two power blocs, fingers poised to annihilate each other. Hexachromite.
TURLOUGH: What do they use that for?
DOCTOR: Hexachromite gas. It's part of a sealing compound for undersea structures. It's lethal to marine and reptile life. I thought they would have banned it by now.
TEGAN: Progress doesn't seem to have solved anything.
DOCTOR: No.
[SCENE_BREAK]
NILSON: He's suffering from severe stress. It's our considered opinion that he's unfit for duty.
VORSHAK: But I need him. Without a sync operator, this base will cease to have any military function.
NILSON: And I realise that, otherwise I'd hesitate proposing the one option that you still have.
VORSHAK: And that is?
NILSON: Release the duplicate programme disc. That way we could probe deeper into Maddox's mind, break through the barriers and reassure him.
VORSHAK: But I can't do that, not without authority from Sea Base Command.
NILSON: If we are to maintain operational efficiency, there really is no other way.
SOLOW: I will take full responsibility. There are humanitarian as well as military considerations here. Maddox will have a total mental collapse unless treated.
VORSHAK: All right.
VORSHAK: But don't let this disc out of your sight.
VORSHAK: If it gets into enemy hands
NILSON: We understand, Commander.
SOLOW: I will return it to you immediately we're finished with it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEGAN: Do you know where we're going?
DOCTOR: Er, yes, yes, the bridge. Repairs to the TARDIS will take some time. Better they're done with the Captain's permission.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SOLOW: Ready.
NILSON: You're sure this will work?
SOLOW: The information on that disc is fed straight into the deepest control centres of his brain. Whatever commands we give him, Maddox has no other choice but to obey.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TURLOUGH: Up or down?
DOCTOR: Well, if I remember rightly, the command centre's at the top of the structure.
TURLOUGH: Right.
DOCTOR: No, wait!
TURLOUGH: What's wrong?
DOCTOR: This.
TURLOUGH: I pressed for the lift.
DOCTOR: Yes, it has to be done in sequence. It's what's called security. We must find someone in authority and quickly. Come on.
DOCTOR: Security screen.
TEGAN: What do we do now?
DOCTOR: Well, they've sealed off the area. Back to the TARDIS. We'll be safer there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
PRESTON: Perimeter defence is now complete.
VORSHAK: Where are they?
PRESTON: Area C.
VORSHAK: Double the guard round the PS unit.
PRESTON: Battle teams eight and ten, urgent command.
VORSHAK: Katina, tell Solow and Nilson what has happened. Any sign of an intruder, they must destroy the disc. What do you think?
BULIC: First that unidentified object, then the destruction of the probe, now this. I don't believe in that much coincidence.
VORSHAK: Agreed. We must act fast. You and Preston get the combat teams moving. Whoever's in that area, find them.
BULIC: Preston.
[SCENE_BREAK]
NILSON: How do you feel, Maddox?
MADDOX: Fine, Controller.
NILSON: Good.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: This way.
PRESTON (OOV.): Let's check the Chemical store.
PRESTON: Nothing. Come on.
DOCTOR: They're between us and the TARDIS. Come on, back this way.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SCIBUS: We are ready to enter.
ICHTAR: It has been a long time. Much could have gone wrong.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEGAN: Why have we come in here?
DOCTOR: You didn't read what it said outside?
TEGAN: That's why I'm asking. I don't like running into chambers that have Radiation, Keep Out written on the door.
TURLOUGH: What are you going to do?
DOCTOR: Try and start a diversion.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ICHTAR: Revive the warriors.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: That's it.
TURLOUGH: What have you done?
DOCTOR: I've hotted things up a bit. I've set the reactor on overload.
TEGAN: It'll explode!
DOCTOR: Oh, I shouldn't think so. They've got a couple of hours to sort out what I've done.
TEGAN: This is madness!
TURLOUGH: The Doctor's right. It will tie up dozens of their people.
DOCTOR: And in the confusion, we can slip back to the TARDIS.
BULIC: No. We can't risk a shot in here.
DOCTOR: When I say run, run. Run!
BULIC: Get them!
DOCTOR: I'm so sorry.
TEGAN: Doctor!
TURLOUGH: Tegan, no!
TEGAN: Doctor!
TURLOUGH: There's nothing we can do.
TEGAN: We can't just leave him.
TURLOUGH: Face it, Tegan. He's drowned. | Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who materializes the TARDIS inside a underwater military base? A: 2084; Q: What year does the Doctor materialize the TARDIS inside a military base? A: two fronts; Q: How many fronts is the base about to be attacked on? Summary: The Doctor materializes the TARDIS inside a underwater military base in 2084 during wartime. The base is about to be attacked on two fronts, secret agents within and a unknown enemy outside of the base. |
THE ARMAGEDDON FACTOR
BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN
Part Three
Running time:25:03
[SCENE_BREAK]
MERAK: What are they doing in there?
ROMANA: Going to Zeos, I should think.
MERAK: What do you mean? How can they, it's a room.
ROMANA: It's not just a room, Merak, it's a transmat point.
MERAK: Transmat?
ROMANA: Short for particle matter transmission. I'll explain it to you another time when I've got about two weeks to spare.
MERAK: Were those things Zeons?
ROMANA: Yes, I should think so.
MERAK: And they've got Astra?
ROMANA: And the Doctor. Come on, we shall have to try and use the TARDIS. Come on, K9.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MARSHAL: But you promised. You promised me victory.
SKULL: The war has served its purpose as you have served yours. Now that I have the Time Lord, there will be no more attacks from Zeos. Make of that what you will, Marshal.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MARSHAL: No more attacks? Then I can still win. I can achieve a great personal victory. I shall lead the final assault myself!
SHAPP: Marshal? The Zeon fleet's gone. They had us at their mercy and now they're gone.
MARSHAL: Yes, Shapp! We've exhausted them. Now we'll strike back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ROMANA: What's the matter, K9? Hurry.
K9: Haste unnecessary, mistress. Sensors indicate the TARDIS to be missing.
ROMANA: Missing?
[SCENE_BREAK]
SHADOW: Place the control device.
SHADOW: Now, Doctor, you are completely in my power.
DOCTOR: Really? Do you mean because of that?
SHADOW: Ah! Very well.
SHADOW: Now do you hear me, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, I hear you. Who are you?
SHADOW: I am the Shadow. Your adversary, shall we say. It is not important. You come in quest of a key.
DOCTOR: Yes.
SHADOW: The Key to Time, as it is called.
DOCTOR: Yes.
SHADOW: You are in possession of certain elements of that key?
DOCTOR: No.
SHADOW: I warn you, Doctor. If you lie, the pain will increase. Where are they?
DOCTOR: I don't know.
SHADOW: Where are they?
DOCTOR: Lost. Lost!
SHADOW: Open your eyes, Doctor.
SHADOW: Are they in there?
DOCTOR: Yes.
SHADOW: Then you will open it.
DOCTOR: Yes.
SHADOW: Release him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ROMANA: Right. We'll just have to work out a way how to get into the transmat shaft. Any ideas, K9?
K9: Mistress, this locking system is complex. It will take time.
ROMANA: As quickly as you can, K9.
MERAK: Listen. The bombing's stopped.
ROMANA: Oh yes.
MERAK: Now that means the Zeons know that we're done for.
ROMANA: Probably.
MERAK: Then why capture Astra?
ROMANA: Because she's somehow involved with what we're looking for.
K9: Almost finished, mistress.
MERAK: Oh, this is hopeless. We've no idea where to look.
ROMANA: Yes, we have.
ROMANA: This tracer will tell us which direction she's in and how close.
MERAK: I see.
K9: Ready, mistress.
ROMANA: Well done, K9.
MERAK: I'm sorry, Romana.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SHADOW: Now your quest is over. You have something of, shall we say, interest to me in this machine of yours.
DOCTOR: Oh, you mean the TARDIS? Yes, yes, I expected to find that here. Correct me if I'm wrong. This is Zeos, isn't it?
SHADOW: Don't waste my time.
DOCTOR: And we came up in the transmat shaft, and then, as they say, everything went black.
SHADOW: Open the TARDIS. Bring me the pieces.
DOCTOR: Certainly. Interested in timepieces, are you? Chronostatics, horogenesis, that sort of thing?
SHADOW: You are not dealing with a fool, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Oh yes, I am. I'm sorry to disillusion you, whoever you are. And you tried breaking and entry into my TARDIS, didn't you, and failed. Covered with automatic defence mechanisms. Very clever, really.
SHADOW: Bring me the first five segments of the Key to Time, or I shall destroy you.
DOCTOR: Well, if you do that, you'll never get them will you. And if you let me go in there, there's no guarantee that I'll come out, is there. It's bigger that it looks, you know. I take it you have the sixth segment.
SHADOW: Destroy him.
DOCTOR: Hold it! There must be some civilised solution to all this without this continued use of brute force.
SHADOW: The Key to Time.
DOCTOR: Look, I'd really like to help you, but I've got a problem. You see, the thing is, the segments are in there and of course I can go in there, but I can't bring them out here.
SHADOW: Why not?
DOCTOR: Well, you see, I've built a fail-safe. The segments are in a sort of limbo closet in, er, in limbo, and the only way to get at them, you see, is with the next piece, so if you'll just let me have it I'll pop in there and fetch them for you.
SHADOW: You think I would trust you?
DOCTOR: No. And I certainly don't trust you. Bit of an impasse, eh?
SHADOW: No, Doctor, there is no real difficulty. I have waited so long, even another thousand years would be nothing for me. But you, I have watched you and your jackdaw meanderings. I know you and I know there is a want of patience in your nature.
DOCTOR: That's right. Fools rush in.
SHADOW: Exactly. Leave him. He will make his own mistake. Then, Doctor, I shall be waiting.
DOCTOR: No. I think I'll have a little look round first, for the sixth segment.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MERAK: Astra? Astra, where are you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
ASTRA: I don't know! I don't know, I tell you.
SHADOW: You must know. You are a daughter of the Royal House of Atrios.
ASTRA: Yes, and I tell you, whoever you are, that I've never heard of the sixth segment or the sixth anything!
SHADOW: And I tell you, Princess, the secret has been passed down through generation after generation of the Royal House, and since you are the sole surviving member of the line, you must know and you will tell me, if I have to tear it from the living fibre of your very being. Do you understand?
ASTRA: Yes. And if I knew, I would tell you.
SHADOW: You do know, and you will tell me. Since you care so little for your own life, let us see how you care for another.
SHADOW: Closer.
MERAK (OOV.): Astra? Astra, where are you?
ASTRA: Merak! I'm here!
SHADOW: You fool. Do you think I would leave you on Zeos? Shout all you like. You're not within a million miles of your precious Merak.
ASTRA: Not on Zeos? Then what is this place?
SHADOW: This, Princess, is my domain.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MARSHAL: Shapp! Where's Shapp?
MAN: Investigating intruder report in K block, sir.
MARSHAL: What? Our chance to strike a fatal blow at Zeos
MAN: He left this situation report, sir.
MARSHAL: Hmm. I want every available ship made ready.
MAN: There is only one ship left, sir. Your escape, er, your command module, sir.
MARSHAL: Have it made ready.
MAN: Yes, sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ROMANA: Hurry, K9. If the lock's jammed, destroy it.
K9: Affirmative, mistress. (zap) Finished, mistress.
ROMANA: Right. Quickly, K9, inside. Come along. Hold tight, here we go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ROMANA: Come on, K9. Listen, I'm going to find Merak and try and get the tracer back. You go find the Doctor, okay?
K9: Affirmative.
ROMANA: Off you go.
SHAPP: Shapp. Shapp to control, Shapp to, Shapp, Shapp.
DOCTOR: Romana. Merak. K9.
SHAPP: That's far enough, Doctor. Turn round. Hands in the air. Straighten up, slowly.
DOCTOR: I'm not armed, you know.
SHAPP: All right, what happened? How did I get here?
DOCTOR: Well, through the transmat, I imagine.
SHAPP: Transmat?
DOCTOR: Yes.
SHAPP: Which section of Atrios is this? I don't recognise any of it.
DOCTOR: Shapp, we're on Zeos.
SHAPP: Zeos?
DOCTOR: Yes. You were transmatted up the transmatter there. Look. Transmat.
SHAPP: Zeos? How can we be on Zeos? No, this must be a prohibited area. Section Eleven B. I mean, it must be Atrios.
DOCTOR: Shapp, old chap, we're on Zeos. Listen. No bombardment.
SHAPP: Well of course there's no bombardment. The Zeon fleet have just pulled out.
DOCTOR: All right, if we're on Atrios, where's the destruction? Look, not a crack. Everything perfect.
SHAPP: Where are we?
DOCTOR: On Zeos! Where the Zeons come from. But there don't seem to be many of them about, which is quite good for us.
SHAPP: Er, where are you off to?
DOCTOR: There must be some evidence this way. Anyway, it's time I found the other two.
DOCTOR: Come on. I'll tell you about the theory of particle transmission.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MERAK: Astra.
MERAK: Give it to me! I must find Astra!
ROMANA: Listen, Merak, we all want to find her. Now look, if I let you go, do you promise not to interfere?
MERAK: Yes.
MERAK: But I know she's here.
ROMANA: How?
MERAK: Look.
ROMANA: Is that hers?
MERAK: Yes, I gave it to her.
ROMANA: Where did you find it?
MERAK: There. The tracer picked it up.
ROMANA: The tracer?
MERAK: Try it. See?
SHAPP: Are you sure this is Zeos?
DOCTOR: Yes.
SHAPP: It's very dusty.
DOCTOR: Maybe the Zeons don't use it much.
SHAPP: It's not irradiated.
DOCTOR: How do you know?
SHAPP: I've checked.
SHAPP: And the air's clean, but nobody could have been here for years.
DOCTOR: Yes, except K9. Here.
DOCTOR: Have you ever seen a Zeon, Shapp?
SHAPP: Not since the war started.
DOCTOR: No, but before the war?
SHAPP: Well, of course. We traded with them.
DOCTOR: What do they look like?
SHAPP: Er, much the same as us. Their clothes are different, but apart from that.
DOCTOR: They're not tall, emaciated creatures in long black robes?
SHAPP: Not the ones I saw.
DOCTOR: No.
SHAPP: No. Why?
DOCTOR: Why? Well, the ones who brought me here were. Very sinister.
SHAPP: Could be the result of biological warfare?
DOCTOR: Yes, but there's no sign of your attacks getting through, though, is there?
SHAPP: They must have been Zeons. I mean, who else could they be?
DOCTOR: Isn't it odd you've never taken any prisoners?
SHAPP: Oh, they use disintegration capsules like we do.
DOCTOR: Yes, I
K9: Master.
DOCTOR: K9, what took you so long?
K9: I have been communicating with the Zeon commandant. It was most interesting.
DOCTOR: Really? We'd like to meet this commandant, wouldn't we, Shapp?
SHAPP: Yes, yes, could be useful.
K9: It can be arranged.
DOCTOR: Good.
K9: Now?
DOCTOR: Well, I mean, I think you'd better trace Romana and Merak first.
K9: Please follow.
DOCTOR: Good.
SHAPP: He seems in good fettle.
DOCTOR: Yes.
K9: Fettle? Define fettle.
DOCTOR: Well, you know, form, condition, tone.
K9: It is stimulating to communicate for once with something other than a limited and unpredictable organic intelligence.
DOCTOR: What did you just say? With something other?
K9: Affirmative. I have been communicating with my own kind.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MARSHAL: The day of retribution is at hand. I shall myself lead the final assault upon the very citadel of Zeon might and deliver to it such a crushing blow that the dread spectre of Zeon aggression will never rise again! Victory, my people! Victory or death!
MAN: The command module is ready, Marshal. The bombs are loaded and the pilot fully briefed. Good luck, sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ROMANA: And then Merak said he found this. It's Astra's. The strange thing is, it gives off a very faint signal on the tracer. It's obviously not the sixth segment, so what is it?
DOCTOR: Well, I'd say it's been in touch with the sixth segment, wouldn't you?
ROMANA: Well, yes
MERAK: Shapp, has K9 mentioned Astra? Well, is that where she is, with this Zeon commandant? Oh, for pity's sake, man, tell me!
SHAPP: If I were you, Merak
MERAK: Yes?
SHAPP: I'd try to exercise a little more self-control. Doctor?
K9: You will remain here, please, in silence.
ROMANA: What's wrong with K9?
DOCTOR: I don't know. I've never seen him do that before. That doesn't mean to say, of course, it isn't normal.
K9: Silence, please. Communicating.
K9: Wait here, please.
ROMANA: I think that was a sort of identification ritual. You know, rather like the dance of the bees. A complicated set of movements to prevent strangers entering the er, whatever it is.
MERAK: What are bees?
DOCTOR: Insects! With stings in their tails.
K9: The commandant will see you now.
DOCTOR: Come on, Romana. You two stay there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Shapp!
DOCTOR: There's your enemy, Shapp. Runs everything. Attack, defence, surveillance, production, everything. The ideal war general. No glory, no speeches, no medals and no blood.
SHAPP: What do you mean?
DOCTOR: It's fully automated. There are no Zeons on Zeos.
SHAPP: No Zeons on Zeos.
DOCTOR: No. Just this passionless lump of minerals and circuitry. Highly efficient, doing very well, giving Atrios a battering, killed millions without a flicker. Just doing its job. And totally invincible.
SHAPP: Invincible? Yes, we'll see about that.
SHAPP: I see. Automatic defence mechanism.
MERAK: Doctor, please.
DOCTOR: It's all right, Merak. Be quiet. K9, would you ask your friend here
K9: Mentalis.
DOCTOR: K9, would you ask Mentalis here if the name Astra rings a bell, so to speak?
K9: Mentalis has instructions that all information regarding Princess Astra is inaccessible.
DOCTOR: And the war?
K9: The war is over. The bombardment is over. The next step is obliteration.
DOCTOR: For whom?
K9: Everything.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MARSHAL: Faster, faster.
PILOT: Target located, sir.
MARSHAL: Excellent. Prepare to attack. | Plan: A: faithful K-9; Q: Who is taken prisoner by The Shadow? A: The Marshal; Q: Who is determined to attack Zeos? A: his plan; Q: What does the Doctor have to put a halt to in order to save Atrios and billions of lives? Summary: While faithful K-9 awaits the return of the Doctor and those with him, he is taken prisoner by The Shadow. With The Marshal determined to attack Zeos, the Doctor has to put a halt to his plan in order to save Atrios and billions of lives. |
Year 2030
Ted: Kids you know that photo in the den? It was taken back in 2006, when Grandma and Grandpa came to visit me and we all went out to brunch. We all look pretty happy, right? Wrong.
Year 2006
Lily: I wish your face would melt off.
Marshall: I wish your eyeballs would explode.
Lily: I hate you.
Marshall: I hate you more.
Ted: I'm going to kill him.
Barney: I can't say I blame you.
Ted: No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him.
Robin: I don't care how unpleasant it is. You have to talk to him.
Ted's mother: Not now.
Robin: Okay, if you don't, I will.
Ted's mother: Robin...! (She lifts her arm and hits the waitress who falls down.)
Ted from 2030: Okay, for any of this to make sense, you got to understand, there are three parts to this story. Let's start with the Marshall and Lily part.
The Marshall and Lily part.
The previous day, at the apartment.Ted from 2030: As a 30th anniversary gift, I had flown my parents to New York for the weekend.
Ted's mother: Oh, I forgot to tell you, your cousin Jimmy had a wonderful time at that spa he visited.
Ted: You mean the spa the judge ordered him to go to to quit cocaine?
Ted's mother: Coffee?
Ted from 2030: You know, Grandma and Grandpa didn't like to talk about things that were uncomfortable, emotional, or in any way... real.
Lily: Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mosby.
Ted's father: Oh, Lily! Hi, Marshall.
Marshall: Good to see you.
Lily: I was just stopping by to pick up some of my things.
Ted's mother: Yes, we were so sorry to hear about your... You know, the, the... Well...
Marshall: Lily calling off the wedding and dumping me?
Lily: Me begging Marshall to take me back and him rejecting me?
Ted's mother: I love your hair.
OPENING
Ted from 2030: This was only the second time Marshall and Lily had seen each other since breaking up, but to their credit, it wasn't that awkward.
Marshall: Actually, we're cool. We just divided up CDs. It was all very civil. I'm proud of us. Wwe're, we're good.
Ted's mother: Well, we were all going to go to Casa a Pezzi at 8:00. Lily, would you like to join us?
Lily (looking at Marshall): Um...
Marshall: What?
Lily: Well, I-I don't want to go if it would make you uncomfortable.
Marshall: Why would it?
Lily: Well, I mean, yeah, we're... We're good, but you got to admit there's that stuff between us.
Marshall: Um, not for me. Now it's just like we're friends. It's like we're brother and sister.
Lily: "Brother and sister"?! Okay. Fine, yeah, I'll see you at the restaurant, bro. (She leaves)
Ted from 2030: See? Not awkward at all.
The evening, at "Casa a Pezzi". Lily arrives.
Lily: Hello, everyone.
All: Hi.
Lily: Hello, Marshall.
Ted's mother: Lily, that is a stunning dress.
Lily: Oh, thanks. It's kind of revealing, but I thought, "Hey, we're all family." Right, bro? Ooh, ah...
Ted: What's wrong?
Lily: Oh, I, I hurt my ankle in yoga today. The instructor told me to just take deep breaths to get through the pain, just... (She breathes deeply while Marshall glances at her low neckline) Are you all right? You're kind of sweating.
Marshall: No, I'm fine. It's just... This roll is really spicy.
The next morning, at the apartment.
Marshall: Lily is evil! She just wore that dress to torture me. Well, you know what? Two can play at that game. See, at brunch, I'm going to torture Lily right back. Yeah. There's a part of my body that she's got a weakness for, too.
Barney: Dude, you can't whip that out at brunch.
Marshall: No, not that. I'm going to unleash my calves.
Barney: That's crazy. Nobody's turned on by men's calves. They're a thoroughly unerotic body part.
Marshall: Well, yeah, I'd say that, too, if I had those skinny little chicken legs.
Barney: I'll be waiting by the phone for your apology.
At brunch.
Ted from 2030: So Marshall showed up at brunch with a plan.
Marshall: Hello.
Ted's father: Oh, hi.
Ted: Hey, Marshall.
Robin: Hey.
Lily: Hey. How are you feeling? You looked kind of feverish last night.
Marshall: Oh, no, I actually feel great. It is kind of warm in here, though, isn't it?
Lily: Oh, I don't know, if anything, it's kind of... (Marshall starts unzipping his knee zips) What are you doing?
Marshall: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. I'm just making myself feel a little bit more... comfortable. (He starts massaging his calve) Oh. Oh, yes. I've been doing all these toe lifts lately, and so... My calves have really been cramping up.
Marshall and Lily are in the restaurant bathroom.
Marshall: Take off your dress.
Lily: Take off the rest of your pants.
Later, leaving the bathroom and joining the table.
Lily: I really wasn't expecting that to happen.
Marshall: Yeah, me neither. It kind of complicates things, doesn't it?
Lily: Yeah, it does. Why did you have to throw your magnificent calves at me? You know you have a punter's leg.
Marshall: Well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me? You know you have... boobs.
Lily: Just admit it, you came here trying to seduce me.
Marshall: Seduce you? You seduced me.
Lily: You sat down next to me and took most of your pants off.
Marshall: You went to San Francisco for three months.
Lily: How is that seducing you?
Marshall: Well, it's not but I'm still mad about it.
Lily: All right, that's it - I want The Beatles Anthology.
Marshall: Oh, well, that's too bad. I'm keeping it! And you know the U2 box set I gave you? Look inside - all Dave Matthews.
Lily: You are evil.
The waitress (taking a photo): Smile!
Ted: I'm going to kill him.
Barney: I can't say I blame you.
Ted: No, I mean I'm seriously going to kill him.
Ted from 2030: Now let's talk about the Barney part of the story.
The Barney part.
The previous day, at the apartment.Ted from 2030: This was going to be Robin's first time meeting my parents, so we were both a little nervous.
(Somebody knocks at the door. Ted opens. It's Barney.)
Ted: Barney, what are you doing here?
Barney: Uh... I'm here to meet your parents. They must be dying to meet me after all the legendary Barney stories you've told them.
Ted: I haven't told them any legendary Barney stories.
Barney: What?
Ted: Barney, here is a list of all the things I talk with my dad about: baseball.
Barney: But I'm your best friend.
Ted: Well, actually Marshall's my...
Barney: I'm the most important person in your life.
Ted: Well, Robin's actually...
Barney: How could your parents not know about me? I'm delightful.
Robin: To us, sure, in very small, infrequent doses. I mean, come on, you're not exactly the kind of friend parents want their kid to have.
Barney: Oh, really? Then I guess those shoes aren't the thing you're most wrong about today.
(Knock at the door, Ted opens.)
Ted: Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
Ted's father: Ted.
Ted: I know you've all been excited to meet...
Barney: Barney Stinson. An honor to meet the two of you. That needlepoint "Bless This Mess" pillow you made for Ted - what a stitch. Stitch! Did that just happen? (Ted's parents and Barney laugh)
Ted: Uh, Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend, Robin.
Ted's father: Hello.
Robin: Hello.
Ted's mother: Oh, it's wonderful to meet you, Robin. Oh, you are so pretty. Isn't she pretty, Al?
Ted's father: A real looker.
Robin: That's funny, I didn't even "look" in the mirror today. That's not anything, is it? So, I made a reservation at San Marino tonight for 8:00.
Barney (laughing): San Marino! Oh, you're serious? Yikes. No. We have to try Casa A Pezzi. Best salmon risotto I have ever had.
Ted's mother: I love salmon risotto.
Barney: I know.
Robin: How are we supposed to get a table at Casa A Pezzi? They're booked for weeks.
Barney: Well, lucky for you, I happen to know the head waitress, which is ironic because...
Ted: Stop it! Don't, don't!
Barney: Ironic because we both work at a homeless shelter where I serve the food. Where do you volunteer, Robin?
In the kitchen.
Robin: What's the matter with you? I'm his girlfriend, and I'm not even trying that hard. Way to wreck the curve, kiss-ass.
Barney: Robin, I'm his best friend. That's a commitment. Girlfriend? That's like a bad flu. Out of your system after a couple weeks in bed. High five!
(Ted's mother comes in the kitchen)
Ted's mother: Can I help?
Barney: Yes, you can, Virginia. There's a story behind that broach, and I'm going to hear it.
Ted's mother: Well, funny you should ask...
At "Casa a pezzi". Barney is playing the piano.Ted's father: Whoa! Bravo, Barney. Oh, oh oh!
Ted's mother: That is my all-time favorite sonata.Barney, you are just delightful.
Barney: No, Virginia, you're delightful, I am deligh-ted. And he's just Ted. I'm really not planning these things; they just keep happening.
Lily: Whoops. I think I dropped an ice cube down here. Ow, it's so cold.
Marshall: All right, that's it, I'm out of here. In a minute.
Barney: Anyone up for a drink at MacLaren's?
Robin: No, I'm kind of tired.
Lily: Me, too.
Ted: Yeah, I'm sure my folks are gonna want...
Ted's father: I feel like I could knock back a few cervezas.
Ted: Cervezas? Did he fall?
Ted's mother: I'd join you, too, but I want to get up early for Mass tomorrow.
Barney: St. Peter's, 8:45 a.m., it's my favorite service.
Ted: Wait a minute. You're able to cross the threshold of a church?
Barney: I'll save you a seat.
Ted's mother: Oh, you are just terrific. Isn't he, Susan?
Robin: Robin.
Barney: Susan, her name is Virginia.
The next morning, at the aprtment.
Barney: Dude, I am sincerely ticked at your dad right now.
Ted: Why?
Barney: Last night, we go to MacLaren's for a drink, right?
[FALSHBACK, at MacLaren's]
Ted's father (talking to a girl): So Barney darts back into the burning house, lifts up the refrigerator I'm pinned under and pulls me to safety.
Girl: Wow. You're like a hero.
Barney: Oh, I'm no hero, Wendy. You know who is a hero? My Dalmatian, Smokey. He... didn't... make it out. I'm sorry.
Girl: You poor, brave man.
Ted's father: Why don't you give the guy a hug?
Barney: I'm... oh. (They hug).
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Ted: My dad was your wingman? This is really messing with my head. Barney, is... Is my dad cool?
Barney: I'm not done. So, your dad stays to finish his drink, but I take off because I have to be up early for Mass with your mom.
Ted: Sure.
Barney: Anyway, I realize that I left my phone on the bar, so I come back...
(Flashback: Barney arrives in the bar, sees Ted's father making out with Wendy and takes a photo of them with his phone. Back at the apartment, he hands Ted the phone)
Ted: Oh, my God! Is that really...? Oh, my God!
Barney: I know. Can you believe your dad rack-jacked me like that?
Ted: My dad made out with Wendy the waitress? He cheated on my mom? No, that's impossible.
Barney: Ted, it's a well-known statistic that 83% of people married longer than six months are seeing someone on the side.
Ted: Do you know that when you make up a statistic, you always use "83%"?
Barney: You think I'm lying. Well, have you done any surveys on the subject? Because the good people at www.swingers.open-marriage-is-natural-legalize-polygamy.org have, and they beg to differ.
Ted: That's not a real Web site.
Barney: Oh, and I suppose I didn't get a real T-shirt for running in their 10K.
(Knock at the door, Ted opens)
Ted: Hi, Dad.
Ted's father: Hey, Ted. Barney!
Ted: Enjoying your vacation so far?
Ted's father: Oh, yeah.
Ted: Uh, listen, can I speak to you outside for a sec?
Ted's father: Sure.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Outside.
Ted: So you went out with Barney last night?
Ted's father: Yeah.
Ted: You have a good time?
Ted's father: Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry you couldn't join us.
Ted: Yeah. So...
Ted's father: What?
Ted: Well...
Ted's father: Well what?
Ted: You think Cerrano's got a shot at the RBI title?
At brunch.
Ted: I wanted to confront him, but I couldn't. I guess I got the let's-not-talk-about-anything-uncomfortable gene
Barney: Well, you didn't get your dad's close-the-deal gene, that's for sure.
The waitress (taking a photo): Smile!
Robin: I don't care how unpleasant it is. You have to talk to him.
Ted's mother: Not now.
Robin: Okay, if you don't, I will.
Ted's mother: Robin...! (She lifts her arm and hits the waitress who falls down.)
Ted from 2030: Okay, now I got to back up all the way to the beginning to tell you the me and Robin part of the story.
The me and Robin part.
The previous day, at the apartment.
Ted from 2030: We were expecting my parents at any minute.
Ted: One last thing about my mom. She grills every single one of my girlfriends about when we're gonna get married and have kids.
Robin: But this is the first time she's meeting me.
Ted: Doesn't matter. And you'll know it's coming when she mentions my cousin Stacy: six kids in five years. The woman's basically a ride at a water park.
Robin: But I don't want to get married and have kids. What am I supposed to say?
Ted: You know what? You're an adult with perfectly valid opinions. You shouldn't have to apologize for them.
Robin: I'm gonna lie.
Ted: I would.
At "Casa a pezzi".
Lily: Thanks again for letting me have the U2 box set.
Marshall: I know how important it is to you.
Ted's mother: I talked to Aunt Caroline the other day. Stacy's pregnant again.
Ted: Oh, good for her.
Ted's mother (to Robin): So, dear...
Robin: Oh, boy.
Ted's mother: Tell us what it's like being a journalist.
Robin: I'm just not ready.
Ted's mother: Okay. No pressure.
Robin: Oh. Uh, I thought you, um... It's great.
Ted's mother: Good. Focus on your job now, because your career clock is ticking. There's time for marriage and kids and all that other stuff later.
Barney: Ooh, a piano!
The next morning, at the apartment.
Ted: You lucked out with my mom last night, huh? What a relief, right?
Robin: Oh, absolutely. Whew, what a relief it is to know I'm the one girlfriend your mom doesn't want you to have kids with.
Ted: Hooray?
Robin: I mean, did she really think that your college girlfriend Cheryl would pop out attractive children? 'Cause I've seen pictures, and, I'm sorry, that girl had a brow ridge like a caveman.
Ted: Come on, she was just frowning under direct light. And besides, that's not even what I liked about her. It was her... It's not important.
At brunch.
Barney: What happened to Marshall and Lily?
Ted: They've been fighting lately. They're probably off somewhere going at it.
Waitress: More coffee?
Ted's mother: Oh, no, thank you. Isn't she sweet?
Robin: Well, if she's so sweet, maybe she should have Ted's babies.
Ted's mother: Excuse me?
Robin: Nothing. (She leaves the table to go to the bathroom, the door is locked, she knocks.)
Lily: Just a minute.
Marshall: Maybe less.
Ted's mother: Robin, dear, did I say something to upset you?
Robin: Why don't you want me to have your grandkids?
Ted's mother: Do you want to have my grandkids?
Robin: No! I mean, I don't know. I just... I want you to want me to want to have your grandkids. And you should. I'm a genetic gold mine. No family history of diabetes or heart disease. Everyone has nonporous teeth and perfect eyesight. I had one schizophrenic uncle but even he had perfect vision. Which was unfortunate for the people around the bell tower he was in, but still he was a very fine man, and...
(Marshall and Lily go out the bathroom)
Marshall: Excuse me. Sorry. Didn't know that there was a line.
Lily: Marshall, your zipper.
Ted's mother: Robin, it's not that I don't want grandkids. It's just I don't think anyone should make the mistake of getting married too young.
Robin: Why do you say that? I mean, you got married pretty young. That wasn't a mistake. Was it?
Ted's mother: Well... Okay, there's something you don't know...
Back to the table.
Waitress: Smile!
Lily: I wish your face would melt off.
Marshall: I wish your eyeballs would explode.
Ted: I'm gonna kill him.
Robin: I don't care how unpleasant it is, you have to talk to him.
Ted's mother: Not now.
Robin: Okay, if you don't, I will.
Ted's mother: Robin...! (She lifts her arm and hits the waitress who falls down.)
Ted's father: Oh, gosh, let me help you pick those up, sweetheart.
Ted: Sweetheart? Sweetheart?! The only sweetheart in your life should be the woman you married 30 years ago, not the waitress at the bar last night and not this clumsy floozy! (To the waitress) I'm sorry, you're not a floozy. I'm upset, I don't know what I'm saying. But stay away from my dad.
Ted's mother: Ted, what are you talking about?
Ted: Dad? You, uh, want to tell Mom what happened at the bar last night?
Ted's father: Okay. I hooked up with a waitress.
Ted's mother: Oh.
Ted: Oh?
Ted's mother: I mean, oh! Oh! Ooh! We're going to have a serious talk about this when we get home, Al. Oh, ooh!
Ted: Serious talk? Mom, what...? He was kissing another woman. Don't you care?
Robin: Mrs. Mosby?
Ted's mother: Ted, we weren't quite sure how to tell you this...
Ted's father: Your mother and I are divorced.
Ted: What do you mean you're divorced? Since when?
Ted's mother: Oh, gosh, it's been about nine months now.
Ted's father: Closer to ten, I think.
Ted's mother: Time flies.
Ted: So ten months ago, you just up and decided to get divorced without telling me?
Ted's mother: No, it wasn't a snap decision.
Ted's father: We'd been separated almost two years.
Ted: How could you not tell me this?!
Ted's mother: We meant to, it just never seemed like the right time.
Ted: So last Christmas...?
Ted's father: We talked about telling you kids then, but it didn't seem very Christmasy.
Ted: I got you a tandem bike.
Ted's father: Oh, it didn't go to waste. Your mother and Frank ride it all the time.
Ted: Who the hell is Frank?!
Ted's father: Oh, great guy. I actually set them up. You remember Dr. Muchnik. He did your braces.
Ted: Okay, my head's about to explode, and I don't want to get it all over everyone's waffles, so I am leaving. (He leaves, following by his parents and Robin)
Ted's mother: Teddy bear, oh...
Barney: You know, he mentioned he was divorced last night. I totally spaced on that. Ooh, no line at the omelet station.
Marshall: Lily... I'm sorry that I said all those things.
Lily: Me, too.
Marshall: I just find it really confusing to be around you right now.
Lily: It's the same for me. I think we're probably both better off trying to keep some distance for a while.
Marshall: Yeah, I think you're right. Are you wearing a push-up bra?
Lily: Did you Mystic Tan your calves?
Marshall: I withdraw the question.
Outside.Ted's father: We're sorry we didn't say anything about the divorce.
Ted's mother: It was wrong not to tell you.
Ted: Thank you.
Ted's father: But listen, don't tell your sister.
Ted's mother: It would just upset her.
Ted: No, this is ridiculous! We have to start talking about stuff, and not just baseball.
Ted's father: Indians won today on a walk-off double.
Ted: Against the Red Sox? Boy, that's a big win. No. No. No. We're not gonna blow past this. I mean, I don't even know who you people. I don't even know how you met.
Ted's father: I never told you how I met your mother?
Ted: No.
Ted's father: Oh, great story. At a bar.
Ted: That's it? That's what passes for communication in our family? Man, when I have kids, and I tell them how I met their mother, I'm gonna tell them everything, the whole damn story.
Ted's father: I think it was an Irish bar.
Ted: I just, I don't... I don't understand. You seemed so happy. When I was growing up, you seemed so... What happened?
Ted's father: We just realized we're very different people.
Ted's mother: Your father's kind of a head-in-the-clouds romantic, and I'm much more down to earth.
Ted: So? Robin and I are like that. That doesn't mean anything.
Ted's father: I wanted kids. And your mother... also wanted kids.
Ted: Robin and I have different views on families. We're not about to break up because of it.
Ted's mother: On some level, I always knew. I didn't even want to go out with him in the beginning. But he spent months badgering me until I finally gave in.
Ted's father: Well, when you don't connect on that many fundamental levels, it's only a matter of time before you realize you're not meant to be together.
Ted's mother: But we love Robin.
Ted's father: Absolutely. Meeting you was the highlight of my trip. Well, second highlight.
Ted's mother: We'll see you inside.
Ted's father: Sorry.
Robin: Wow.
Ted: I know.
Robin: They love me!
Back inside, later.Ted's mother: So we are definitely going to try and communicate more.
Ted's father: From now on, full disclosure.
Ted: Good. Good, I think it'll be really good for the family. By the way, how's Grandma? She hasn't returned my last couple calls.
Ted's mother: I'm gonna get some juice.
Ted: No. No.
Ted's father: You missed a great game last night. Real squeaker. | Plan: A: the weekend; Q: When do Ted, Robin, and the gang spend time with Ted's parents? A: a family secret; Q: What is revealed at brunch that changes Ted's life forever? A: things; Q: What does Ted's family secret change forever? A: Marshall; Q: Who is having trouble controlling himself when forced to spend time with Ted's parents? A: Lily; Q: What character has trouble controlling herself when forced to spend time with Ted's parents? Summary: When Ted, Robin, and the gang spend the weekend with his parents, Ted is stunned when a family secret that changes things forever is unveiled at brunch. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily find it difficult to control themselves when they are forced to spend time together with Ted's parents. |
[The Island]
(Damon is tied to a tree. Vaughn is here)
Vaughn: Something bothering you?
Damon: Would you believe me if I said mosquitoes?
Vaughn: Oh, aye, I would. How does it feel when a relentless eating machine is draining the blood from your veins?
Damon: Itchy
Vaughn: Your friends from Mystic Falls think you're funny, Damon?
Damon: You obviously know who I am and where I'm from. Have you been spying on me?
Vaughn: Aye. I have. You and Stefan, Elena, your witch Bonnie. Do you need her to cast the spell written on your pal Jeremy's hunter's mark...? A tattoo that looks exactly like this
Damon: You want to know something, just ask
Vaughn: I've been killing vampires my entire life. Still, this thing refused to reveal itself to me. That was, until 3 days ago, and it just magically completed for no apparent reason
Damon: Come on, man. Do I look like I know anything about tattoos? Look at my skin. It's flawless
Vaughn: Ah, you're not taking me seriously. I don't blame you. You don't know me. So let me introduce myself. My name is Galen Vaughn, and you'd better start talking
(Elena, Stefan and Rebekah are on the beach. Elena is on the phone with Caroline)
Caroline: Tell me you're not serious
Elena: I wish I weren't. When we got back from looking for Jeremy, Shane and Bonnie were both gone, too. Shane needs Bonnie to cast a spell on Jeremy's tattoo in order to find the cure, and he managed to sneak them both out from under our noses
Caroline: Well, where's Damon in all this?
Elena: We had an argument. I thought he was just taking a walk, but then when we went to the beach, we saw signs of a struggle
Caroline: Meaning what?
Elena: Meaning somebody probably jumped him and then grabbed him
Caroline: Do you think Shane took him?
Elena: No, I mean, he's not strong enough to take Damon on, even with the element of surprise. He must have someone or at least a few someones helping him
Caroline: I am so sorry. I wish I was there to help
Elena: Well, maybe there's something you can do from home
Caroline: Anything. Tell me
Elena: So Shane's looking for the cure. We think we can find him. We have pictures of Jeremy's tattoo, but we just can't translate the map
Caroline: Unless you get the hunter's sword from Klaus
Elena: Exactly
Rebekah: He'll never give up the sword
Stefan: Yeah, but if anyone's gonna get him to give it up, it's Caroline
Rebekah: He will never give up the sword, not even for Caroline. He's terrified we'll use the cure against him to make him mortal, and even if he wasn't, he wouldn't want any of us to derive a moment's worth of happiness from being human
Stefan: Well, maybe he doesn't have to give it up. Klaus is stuck in Elena's house by Bonnie's spell. He can't go anywhere. There's only so many places you can hide a 3-foot piece of metal
Caroline: I'll find it. Don't worry. Just email me photos of Jeremy's tattoo. I'll find the sword and I'll call you back
Elena: Thank you, Caroline. Bye
[Gilbert's House]
(Caroline hangs up. Klaus is looking at her)
Klaus: Need my help with anything, love?
Caroline: Nope
(She leaves)
[The Island]
(Shane, Bonnie, Jeremy and the witch are walking. They enter a cave and finally arrive at the well)
Massak: This is as far as I go
Shane: We're on the brink of a monumental event in human history. We're gonna raise the most powerful immortal creature that ever was. Come on, our work's not done yet
Massak: Mine is. You said get the kid and the witch. I did. I want to get paid now
(Shane gives him the tombstone)
Massak: I'll say a prayer for your souls
(He leaves)
Bonnie: That's what the tombstone was for? To pay off a mercenary?
Shane: The core of that tombstone is made up of Qetsiyah's calcified blood. In some witch circles, that stone's more valuable than the hope diamond. So... So who wants to go down first?
[Gilbert's House]
(Caroline and Tyler enter with a laptop and the sword)
Klaus: Well, if it isn't little orphan Lockwood. Come to show how laughably impotent you are against me?
Tyler: I'm just trying to help my friends find the cure. Found this in your attic
Klaus: And you think finding the sword brings you closer to the cure?
Tyler: You tell me. I was playing around with the handle on the ride over... And I found this
Klaus: And what do you think this is?
Caroline: It's called a cryptex. I've seen "The Da Vinci Code." You turn the different sides to the different symbols to get the translation on the other side. And, with the magic of the Internet, Elena sent over these
(She shows him the pictures of Jeremy's tattoo)
Caroline: So now all we have to do is cryptex away. If you happened to want to help, we wouldn't stop you
Klaus: Right. Well, might I suggest using the magic of the Internet to purchase an Aramaic-to-English dictionary from your nearest retailer?
Tyler: What's Aramaic?
Caroline: It's a dead language. It hasn't been used since, like, biblical times
Klaus: Qetsiyah's native tongue, I'm guessing. You know, even if you had the best dictionary in the world, it could take days to translate... Perhaps weeks. "In bas so-teen-too ara-ma-eet."
Tyler: What does that mean?
Klaus: "If only you spoke Aramaic."
[The Island]
(Rebekah is trying to find signal. Elena is sitting with Stefan)
Elena: And, once again, everyone's life is in danger looking for this cure because poor Elena can't deal with being a vampire
Stefan: No, everyone's here because they want to be. Not just for you, but for themselves, too
Elena: Stefan, why didn't you tell me that you wanted the cure for yourself?
Stefan: I mean, why wouldn't I want to take it? I've seen every side of vampirism there is. The power... The misery, the guilt. In the long run, even the good parts kind of suck, too
Elena: Yeah, I mean, I know why you would want to take it, but... All I'm saying is... Why didn't you tell me?
Stefan: 'Cause it had nothing to do with you. I mean, you know how much I wanted a human life with you, being human myself, being normal... that's something I've wanted since long before I met you
Elena: Well, I'm glad you told me now
Stefan: Yeah, what's a deeply buried personal secret between friends, right?
Elena: Between friends? I like that
(Vaughn and Damon are walking through the woods. Damon is still tied)
Damon: Mind telling me where we're going?
Vaughn: At the wishing well lies an entrance to a crypt. In the crypt lies Silas. And with Silas lies the cure, which will allow me to kill Silas, bring the mission of the brotherhood of the 5 to an end. You're my leverage, Damon; I use you to get your witch friend to open the passage to Silas' crypt for me
Damon: Wait a minute. You're using me to get to Bonnie Bennett? Whoa, brother. Heh! You picked the wrong vampire
Vaughn: I guess we'll see about that
Damon: Here's the deal, Shrek. My witch friend will open the passage for you. No leverage necessary. We don't care about Silas. All we want is the cure, so you cut us in on your share, we'll get out of your hair
Vaughn: You really don't understand, do you?
[Gilbert's House]
(Caroline and Tyler have finally translated the symbols)
Caroline: Ok, this is it. We've translated all the symbols on the tattoo. "Passage inside... Requires a young senator and a pretty flower." Ok, none of this makes sense
[The Island]
Damon: No, I don't understand, so why don't you explain it?
Vaughn: Silas is immortal. I have to cram the cure down his throat in order to kill him
Damon: Yeah, what does it have to do with me and my friends?
[Gilbert's House]
Klaus: "Requires a powerful witch and a hunter in full bloom."
Tyler: What are you doing?
Klaus: I don't need to tell you my reasons. Bring my sword over here
[The Island]
Vaughn: I need to use the cure against Silas. Your friends, they can't exactly have it, now, can they?
Damon: So you use it on Silas, and we'll use it for whoever wants to use it
[Gilbert's House]
Klaus: "Silas rests on the far side, the means of his destruction at hand." Turn the cryptex to the right
(She turns it)
Klaus: Stop. The top of the hilt reveals a key to a nautical map. Turn it to the left
(She turns it)
Klaus: Now turn the other piece
(She turns it)
Klaus: Wait. There's something else
[The Island]
Damon: You don't want to share it with us?
Vaughn: Even if I wanted to, I couldn't
Damon: And why can't you share it?
Vaughn: So it is written
[Gilbert's House]
Caroline: What does that mean? .Klaus, what does it mean?
[The Island]
Vaughn: There is only one dose
(Jeremy is already in the wall. Bonnie is climbing down with a rope and she falls)
Jeremy: You ok?
Bonnie: Yeah, I just slipped
(She's cut her hand. Her blood spills on the ground)
Jeremy: It's okay
Bonnie: Thanks
Shane: Hey, guys, I'm coming down
(He's climbing down)
Jeremy: Hey, Bon. What do you think's gonna happen once you cast a spell on my tattoo and there's nothing in between Shane and Silas?
Bonnie: Do you trust me?
Jeremy: Yeah, of course
Bonnie: Then trust me when I promise I won't let Shane raise Silas
Jeremy: Just don't do anything stupid. If your expression gets out of hand, Shane is the only one that could help you keep it in control
Bonnie: Don't worry about me. I'm fine. But if Shane tries to lift a finger on his hand to hurt either one of us... I'll kill him myself
(Rebekah's phone rings)
Rebekah: Hello?
Caroline: Hey, it's Caroline. We have the translation of the tattoo. We're emailing you pictures of the map and instructions right now
Rebekah: Got it. Thanks
Klaus: Actually, it was me
Rebekah: Nik, you helped?
Klaus: You sound so surprised, little sister
Rebekah: Shouldn't I be? I mean, you don't want me to be human. You don't want any of us to be human. Why would you help us find the cure?
Klaus: Maybe I finally realized the longer I stand in the way of what you want, the longer you'll continue to hate me. Perhaps I want my sister to finally know happiness
Rebekah: Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me a hundred times...
Klaus: No more fooling. No more games. I hope you get to live, and die, as you wish
Rebekah: So do I
Klaus: There is one more thing, Rebekah. There is only one dose of the cure. You need to find it fast and take it. It's the only way you'll...
(Caroline rushes to hang up)
Rebekah: Nik. Nik!
(Damon and Vaughn are still walking through the woods and Damon is still tied. Vaughn touches him)
Damon: You touch me again...
Vaughn: And you'll what? Threaten me? Sorry if you're upset about the cure, Damon, but we've got road to cover
Damon: I don't care about the cure. In fact, I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to be a vampire. You know why? If I wasn't a vampire, then I wouldn't be able to do 9 of the things I'm gonna do to you when I'm free
(Vaughn touches him again)
Damon: Make that 10
Vaughn: Right
Damon: All right, I admit, ok? My friends want the cure, and I want them to have it, and I get very upset when I can't provide for my loved ones. But tell me something, Vaughn, if all you're worried about is Bonnie the teenage witch, then why'd you save Jeremy and Elena yesterday?
Vaughn: How did I do that?
Damon: Big guy. White paint all over him. Stuck a hatchet in his spine
Vaughn: I don't remember doing such a thing
Damon: We're on a remote island. There's you, me, and a bunch of unpleasant locals. You expect me to believe that someone else took out that monster truck of a human being that went after Jeremy and Elena?
Vaughn: I'm telling you, it wasn't me
(They find Massak's body)
Damon: Was that you?
Vaughn: No. You?
Damon: No
Vaughn: I reckon there really is someone else on this island
(Shane is looking around the well. Jeremy and Bonnie are with him)
Shane: It's just amazing, isn't it? Once we raise Silas, all of our sacrifices will have been worthwhile; we'll all have what we want
Bonnie: Or he'll kill us all
Shane: Listen, you're gonna see I'm right. Just so you don't get any ideas, remember, anything happens to me, something a lot worse will happen to you
Jeremy: All right. Where's this stupid magic passage she needs to open?
Shane: Just look for anything that looks out of place, all right? Anything not occurring in nature, like a drawing or an inscription or...
(He sees something on the ground)
Shane: Geometrically perfect circle. This is it. This is the spot
(Rebekah, Stefan and Elena are walking)
Elena: What did Caroline say?
Rebekah: I don't know. We lost the signal. Come on. This way
(They stop. They're on a top of a mountain. They look down. Rebekah looks at her phone)
Rebekah: We need to get down and across. Advantage, vampires: All we have to do is jump
Elena: Wait, wait. Um... Maybe you should leave the map behind. In case you fall, you don't want anything to happen to the phone
Rebekah: Are we doing this again? I thought we were a team
Stefan: Guys, we don't have time for this. Elena, you go first. We'll be right behind you
(She jumps. He's about to jump but Rebekah stops him)
Rebekah: There's something you should know about the cure
(Jeremy is shirtless. Bonnie is about to perform the spell. She tries to concentrate)
Shane: Now you're doing it. Just breathe, all right? Focus on what you can do. Don't be afraid of what you can't. You can do this
Jeremy: Remember, just like you taught me. You're in control
(She finally calms herself)
Shane: That's it. It's just like drawing breath. Now just pull the power into you
(She finally casts the spell. The tattoo slowly disappears)
(Damon and Vaughn are still walking. He sees that he's tattoo is disappearing)
Vaughn: Looks like your witch is casting her spell
(Stefan and Rebekah haven't jumped yet)
Stefan: So you're sure that Klaus is telling the truth, that there is only one dose of the cure? Well, I guess that's what happens when you're dumb enough to hold out hope
Rebekah: There's still hope for one of us, but even if I felt pity for you, if I wanted to ease your pain so I gave you the cure to take for yourself, you'd give it to Elena, wouldn't you?
(He doesn't answer)
Rebekah: That's what I thought. Well, I'm sorry that it couldn't work out the way we all wanted it to
(She breaks his neck)
(Jeremy is lying on the ground)
Jeremy: Bonnie?! Bonnie?!
Bonnie: I'm fine
(He rejoins her. The see that the spell has worked)
Bonnie: Look. It worked
Jeremy: You did it
Bonnie: We did it
Shane: Hey, guys, c... I need a hand. My leg's broken
Bonnie: Best to stay off it, then
Shane: Bonnie. Wait, wait. Don't... Come on. Bonnie! Help me! Come on! Please! Help me!
(Vaughn and Damon arrive in the cave)
Vaughn: Well, here we are
Damon: Looks like someone beat us to the punch
Vaughn: That's a shame, Damon. I have no use for you anymore. Have to kill ya
Damon: Ditto. You know, that pesky hunter's curse and all
Damon: All right. How do you want to do this?
Vaughn: I'll make it quick and painless
Damon: Wish I could make the same promise
(He frees himself)
Damon: I'm gonna kill you. And then I'm gonna get to that damn cure, and I'm gonna give it to the girl that I love
Vaughn: Your attachment to your friends will be the end of you
Damon: You don't know my friends...
(Rebekah enters)
Damon: Or my enemies
(Elena has rejoined Stefan)
Elena: There's only one cure? I can't take it. I mean, not above everyone else who deserves it just as much as I do. It's over
Stefan: I'm sorry
Elena: Don't be. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise
Stefan: How so?
Elena: Things changed the minute that I went off that bridge, Stefan. Even if I could be human again, I wouldn't be the person that I was so it's about time that I accept the person that I am now and figure out a way... To start living the rest of my life
Stefan: The rest of your life... Sired to Damon
Elena: I guess we'll have to deal with that when I get home. Oh, my God... Home. Klaus. Bonnie's spell isn't gonna hold him
Stefan: And after what we did to Kol, if we don't ram that cure down his throat, he'll kill us all
Elena: Pity party over. We have to go
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Gilbert's House]
(Tyler and Caroline go on the porch)
Tyler: Every time I think I have him, that son of a bitch gets the upper hand
Caroline: We won't let him hurt you. Stefan and Elena will bring back the cure
Tyler: If they get to it first. And if they don't, Klaus kills me. I need to get out of town to figure out how I'm gonna stay alive...
Caroline: Wait, hang on, ok? Gosh! Before you get all doomsday, just... at least let me try and talk to him
Tyler: He's got nothing to lose, Care. His brother's dead, his hybrids are gone. All he wants right now is blood, starting with mine
Caroline: I'm not gonna say good-bye to you again, do you understand me? Let me fix this
[The Island]
(Rebekah and Damon are circling Vaughn)
Damon: Are we gonna dance or are we gonna play?
Rebekah: You know he can't hurt me, Damon, unless he's got the white oak stake
Vaughn: Oh, he doesn't, but he's got other toys
(He shoots her. She attacks him but he stakes her. She collapses. Damon attacks him but Vaughn stops him)
Stefan: Damon!
(Vaughn jumps in the well. Stefan and Elena look at him)
Damon: You're wasting time. Just get the cure. Go
Elena: We're not gonna leave you
Stefan: No, we aren't. You need to go ahead. We'll be right behind you. Go!
(She jumps in the well)
(Bonnie and Jeremy are in the caves)
Bonnie: Look at us. A newbie hunter and a witch who needs adult supervision
Jeremy: How are we the ones that made it this far? I'm glad we're here together
Bonnie: Me, too
Jeremy: Where is "here," exactly?
Bonnie: This way
Jeremy: How do you know?
Bonnie: I just know
(She's looking at her grams)
Sheila: Hello, Bonnie
Bonnie: Hi, grams. What are you doing here, grams?
Sheila: This place allows the living to talk to the dead
Jeremy: Bonnie, what's going on?
Bonnie: I am so sorry about what happened
Sheila: It's ok. You're here now. And you are this close to bringing me back to life for good
Bonnie: How?
Sheila: Silas can do it. All you have to do is reach him and feed him, and everything will go back to the way it was
Jeremy: Bonnie, stop! Hey, you're not seeing your grams. If she were here, I'd be able to see her, and I can't. It's not her ghost. It's a hallucination. What you're seeing, it isn't real. It's me. Your grams isn't here. I'm here. I'm real, ok?
Bonnie: Jer... What happened?
Jeremy: Silas. He was in your head. He was trying to control you
Bonnie: And Shane. Illusions of his wife. That's how Silas controls him
Jeremy: You need to block him out of your mind. Close your eyes. Listen to my voice and only my voice. I'm gonna get us there
[Gilbert's House]
(Klaus is sitting. Caroline enters alone)
Caroline: You can't kill Tyler
Klaus: Not only can I, I have to. I have a reputation to uphold. Moreover, I want to
Caroline: I'm not asking you to forgive him. All I'm asking is that you let him live, somewhere far from here
Klaus: So he gets to live a happy life after he turned all my hybrids against me, after he tried to kill me, after he made it his life's mission to find the cure so he could use it against me...
Caroline: We all want the cure
Klaus: Do we? Do you?
Caroline: It doesn't matter. There's only one, so it's not like I'm gonna get it anyway
Klaus: But if you could... You wouldn't, would you? You prefer who you are now to the girl you once were. You like being strong, ageless, fearless. We're the same, Caroline
Caroline: Then show me. You know how much I love Tyler. You can see how scared I am to lose him. If you and I are so similar, then show me your compassion. Show him the mercy that I would show you
Klaus: Mercy... for Tyler? Very well. Tell him to leave town immediately. And tell him to run and hide in a place I will never find him
Caroline: Of course
Klaus: Tell him that this is the mercy I extend for your sake... That I will give him a head start before I kill him
[The Island]
(Stefan finally frees Damon)
Stefan: All right, come on. We have to catch up
Damon: No, it's ok. I just need a minute. I'm only gonna slow you down. Go. She only needs one of us
Stefan: And what? You don't care to be that one anymore? You finally decided it was easier to just walk away?
Damon: There's only one dose of the cure, Stefan. If she wants to take it, you want her to. I don't. Just do what makes her happy, Stefan
Stefan: Things have changed. It's not that easy anymore
Damon: It is right now. Get your ass down the well. Help Elena get the damn thing. Come on
(Elena is in the caves)
Elena: Stefan? Hello
Voice: Elena...
(Someone attacks her)
Elena: No
[Gilbert's House]
(Caroline and Tyler are on the porch)
Caroline: How many times are we gonna have to say good-bye?
Tyler: At least this time we have a minute to do it the right way
Caroline: There isn't a right way
Tyler: This isn't good-bye. This is... Until we find a way. We're immortal, remember? We will find a way
Caroline: What if we don't? Tell me that you'll never think of me again. Tell me that you'll forget about me, tell me that you are gonna go on and live a full and happy life without me
Tyler: I will live a happy life without you. I will forget all about you. And I will never, ever... Think about you again
Caroline: Until we find a way
[The Island]
(Stefan is in the well. He looks at Shane)
Shane: Hey, I don't suppose you'd want to share a little of that vampire blood
Stefan: Where are Jeremy and Bonnie?
Shane: I have no idea
Stefan: Stop lying
Shane: I'm not lying... But if you help me, I will take you the rest of the way, I promise
Stefan: Did you know this whole time that there was only one cure?
Shane: What? No. How could I? I've never seen it. Look, everything I ever said and did was just to bring back my family, I swear
Stefan: Well, then you know what it's like to have hope, and now you know what it feels like to lose it
(He leaves)
Shane: Come on. Come on!
(Caitlin appears)
Shane: Caitlin. I'm sorry, Caitlin. I failed you
Caitlin: No. you didn't
Shane: I'm sorry. I tried
Caitlin: You did everything I asked you to. Everything is going to be just fine
(Bonnie and Jeremy finally reach Silas. Jeremy gets closer and sees a little box in his hands)
Jeremy: Is this it? This is the cure? How is that supposed to cure every vampire in the world?
Bonnie: I don't think it is, Jer
Jeremy: It's stuck. Help me move it
(She helps him but they can't get it)
Bonnie: It's, like, fossilized in place. It's like trying to bend stone. Oh my god...
Jeremy: What? What Bonnie?
Bonnie: He's been frozen like a vampire statue for 2,000 years. There's only one way we're gonna get this statue to unfreeze
Jeremy: How's that?
Bonnie: We have to feed him our blood. If we want to get the cure out of his hands, we... We have to wake him up
(Damon removes the stakes from Rebekah. She regains consciousness)
Rebekah: You're alive
Damon: Yeah
Rebekah: Why didn't you go with them?
Damon: I needed a siesta
Rebekah: You gave up, didn't you?
Damon: I didn't give up. I just realized... You can't control everything... No matter how hard you try. Let's just say I made peace with that fact
Rebekah: Peace? You love Elena. You always will. If she becomes human, she may not feel the same way about you. You'll never know peace
Damon: Life sucks. Get a helmet
Rebekah: You did something selfless, Damon. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were becoming a halfway decent person
(Jeremy is still trying to get the cure)
Jeremy: Come on!
Bonnie: There's got to be a way to do this without raising him. We'll find a way...
(She's stabbed by Vaughn)
Vaughn: Don't listen to the witch, boy. We have to raise Silas, and we have to do it now
Jeremy: Bonnie! What are you doing?
Vaughn: What you should have done already. I'm gonna raise Silas... Then I'm gonna kill him. You're a bit confused, Mr. Gilbert. We're on the same team here
(They fight and Vaughn breaks Jeremy's arm)
Jeremy: You stabbed my friend!
Vaughn: I don't mess around with witches
Jeremy: You can't use the cure on Silas
Vaughn: It's what it's meant for! What else would you use it for? Your friends.... Your sister... Sorry, lad. It wasn't meant for that. Nothing personal
(He's about to kill him but Elena intervenes and is about to break his neck)
Jeremy: Don't! The hunter's curse!
Elena: You okay?
[Gilbert's House]
(Caroline is still outside. Klaus comes out)
Caroline: How did you get out?
Klaus: I fear something awful has befallen your friend Bonnie. Don't worry, love. You know I'd never hurt you
Caroline: You've done enough
Klaus: I've done more than enough. I've shown kindness, forgiveness, pity... Because of you, Caroline. It was all for you
[The Island]
(Stefan is in the tunnels. He sees blood on the walls and finally finds Elena, unconscious)
Stefan: Elena. What happened?
Elena: She's here
Stefan: Who?
(Jeremy is with Bonnie)
Jeremy: Elena's here now, ok? Everything's gonna be all right
Bonnie: We did it
(As we've learn it's Katherine who's with them and not Elena)
Katherine: Come on. We got to get you up
Jeremy: You have to help Bonnie. The hunter stabbed her. You have to feed her
Katherine: Ok. I just need to make sure that you're ok first
Jeremy: I'm fine. What are you doing?
Katherine: The cure. Jeremy, after everything we've been through, it's right there
Jeremy: It'll be there after we help Bonnie
Katherine: God, I forgot what a brat you were
Jeremy: What?
Katherine: I'm done playing nice
(She feeds his blood to Silas)
Jeremy: Katherine
Katherine: It's been too long, little Gilbert. Sorry. Family reunion is gonna have to be cut short
(She takes the cure and leaves. Silas kills Jeremy) | Plan: A: Mystic Falls; Q: Where are Caroline and Tyler trying to translate the code on the Hunter's Sword? A: Klaus; Q: Who helps Caroline and Tyler translate the code on the Hunter's Sword? A: his own reasons; Q: Why does Klaus want to solve the code on the Hunter's Sword? A: the puzzle; Q: What does Klaus want to solve? A: an ugly run-in; Q: What does Damon have with Vaughn? A: guest star Charlie Bewley; Q: Who played Vaughn? A: Stefan; Q: Who confesses his true feelings about the possibility of becoming human again to Elena? A: the cure; Q: What is revealed to be only enough for one person? A: the stakes; Q: What does the new information about the cure change for everyone? A: Bonnie; Q: Who does Jeremy help recognize what is real and what is an illusion? A: Shane; Q: Who is comforted by his deceased wife? A: Katherine; Q: Who forces Jeremy to feed Silas? A: Jeremy's body; Q: What does Silas drain in order to get the cure? A: his neck; Q: What part of Jeremy's body did Silas break? Summary: Back in Mystic Falls, Caroline and Tyler find that their attempt to translate the code on the Hunter's Sword is futile without help from Klaus, who has his own reasons for solving the puzzle. On the island, Damon has an ugly run-in with a Hunter named Vaughn (guest star Charlie Bewley ), and realizes he is one of The Five. Stefan confesses his true feelings about the possibility of becoming human again to Elena. When a stunning new piece of information about the cure is suddenly revealed (there's only enough for one person), it changes the stakes for everyone. Jeremy helps Bonnie recognize what is real and what is an illusion, and Shane is comforted by his deceased wife. Katherine makes an appearance and forces Jeremy to feed Silas in order get the cure that is fossilized with his body. Silas ends up draining Jeremy's body and breaks his neck, killing him. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
WHITEY : Some reporter's asking questions about point-shaving. That kind of thing. You know anything about that?
NATHAN : No, sir.
HALEY : How bad will it get if they find out about you and Daunte?
NATHAN : They'll take my scholarship for sure.
NATHAN : Coach, I lied to you. It wasn't Lucas. I'm sorry.
WHITEY : So am I.
NATHAN : I will accept whatever consequences there might be. I love this game. I'm sorry I betrayed it.
DAN : You made a mistake.
ABBY : No. I saw you. I saw everything.
LUCAS : Was my uncle Keith still alive when Jimmy shot himself? Who killed my uncle?
ABBY : It was your father... Dan Scott.
LUCAS' BEDROOM
It's the continuance of the last episode; Lucas comes home and sees Dan and Karen kissing. He jumps on Dan
KAREN : Lucas!
LUCAS : You son of a bitch!
(Lucas punch Dan and he hit him back)
KAREN : Stop!
DAN : What's wrong with you?! Karen, I'm...
KAREN (to Lucas) : I'm sorry. It shouldn't have happened... It just did.
LUCAS : He killed Keith! He shot him!
DAN : I should go.
(Dan leaves)
KAREN : Why would you say something...
LUCAS : 'Cause it's the truth.
KAREN : Stop it. Jimmy killed Keith. So stop it!
OUTSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Nathan is walking toward Haley and everybody is looking at him
NATHAN : Guess it was only a matter of time until the entire town found out I'm a cheater.
HALEY : Sorry. You know when I was at school and everybody was, like, laughing at me after the tour and whispering and making fun of me? I went to school one day, and I wasn't so interesting. It kind of blew over. This probably will, too.
NATHAN : I hope you're right. How's your valedictory speech coming?
HALEY : Very, very slowly. This is ridiculous. Graduation's, like, a few days away. I'm supposed to be finished with it. I'm not even close.
NATHAN : It'll be great. You'll be great.
HALEY : You hear anything from Duke yet?
NATHAN : Not yet... I'm guessing they're too busy trying to find another shooting guard to fill my scholarship.
HALEY : You don't know that.
NATHAN : That's what I would do.
HALEY : Maybe you should talk to Whitey. He's always been there for you. You know, maybe he can help. Peyton is reading at a table, Brooke joins her
BROOKE : Do you know what today is, P. Sawyer?
PEYTON : Um, shot in the dark... yearbook day.
BROOKE : No. The last Wednesday of high school.
PEYTON : And the beginning of the end.
BROOKE : Do you always have to put a dark and twisted spin on things? My point is that after this week, we actually have to figure out what we're gonna do with our lives.
PEYTON : Oh, I thought you already did that. Let's see. What does the yearbook say? "Brooke Davis... goal: hear an Oscar winner tell Joan Rivers, 'I'm wearing Brooke Davis.'" Joan Rivers?
BROOKE : Come on. It was her or Ryan Seacrest.
PEYTON : Good choice.
BROOKE : Thank you. What does the future hold for Peyton Sawyer? Let's see. Goal... it's blank. How predictable. That's what I call ambition. You think maybe it's time you just aim for something?
PEYTON : Well, maybe I have. I applied for this internship with Sire Records a few months ago, and I just found out I got it.
BROOKE : Seriously?
PEYTON : They need an answer as soon as possible.
BROOKE : So say "yes."
PEYTON : It's in Los Angeles.
BROOKE : Wait! We can spend the summer together in L.A. We can stay with my parents, and... this is kind of perfect.
PEYTON : Yeah. Now I just have to tell Lucas.
BROOKE : Peyton, he's gonna be happy for you. Just like I am.
INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Haley is leaving class to see Principal Turner
HALEY : Hey.
TURNER : Sorry to pull you out of class, but I need a moment of your time.
HALEY : I think I know what this is about.
TURNER : You do?
HALEY : Yeah. I know I was supposed to give you a copy of my valedictory speech. It's just not quite finished yet, so...
TURNER : I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're not gonna be able to deliver your valedictory address this Saturday.
HALEY : Why? What happened? Did somebody beat me out after finals?
TURNER : No. You finished at the top of your class, and I'm very proud of you for that. The school board has expressed some concerns in light of what's happened recently.
HALEY : Okay, so this is about Nathan.
TURNER : Haley.
HALEY : I worked really, really hard for this.
TURNER : I know you did, Haley. But this has become very public. I'm sorry.
INSIDE POLICE STATION
Lucas enters the police station
POLICE OFFICER : Can I help you?
LUCAS : Yeah. I'd like to speak to a detective.
POLICE OFFICER : What's this regarding?
LUCAS : I'd like to report a murder.
ONE TREE HILL CREDITS
INSIDE POLICE STATION
Lucas is with a detective
DETECTIVE : Okay. Let me make sure I understand this. You're accusing the mayor of this town, who also happens to be your father, of killing his brother, your uncle, and you're making this serious accusation without any proof?
LUCAS : I told you... I have proof.
DETECTIVE : Right. The, uh, girl who witnessed everything. And, uh, what was her name?
(Dan enters the room)
DAN : Yeah, who is this girl, Lucas? She sounds disturbed. Maybe if you could put us in touch with her, we could clear up this horrible misunderstanding.
DETECTIVE :Sorry to waste your time with this, Mr. Mayor. I know how busy you are.
DAN : Well, it's not a problem. You see, I recently started a relationship with his mother, so you can't blame him for being angry. I'm just surprised at this hateful accusation. Still, I think it's best if we just forget it ever happened.
DETECTIVE : I spent that day with your father, outside the school. I was the one that told him his brother had died. What you've done here today is reckless and inexcusable. And I think you owe him an apology.
(Lucas stands up, looks Dan right in the eyes and leave without a word)
DAN : He's a troubled boy.
SCOTT'S HOUSE
Deb is aiming with her gun when Nathan enters the room. He get scared
NATHAN : Mom, what the hell?
DEB : I'm cleaning my gun. You don't want me to have a misfire, do you?
NATHAN : Well, here's a thought... no gun, no misfire. Problem solved.
DEB : What's the fun in that?
NATHAN : Oh, by the way, Haley told me that you invited her to a shooting range. Are you completely out of your mind?
DEB : There is some evidence to support that.
NATHAN : Mom, guns and babies don't mix.
DEB : Oh, Nathan, don't worry. As soon as the baby is born, the gun will be stored in my locker at the shooting range.
NATHAN : You've got a locker at the shooting range? Forget it. I'm late for school.
INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Brooke is in front of her locker, Chase surprises her
CHASE : Joan Rivers, huh? Some lofty aspirations.
BROOKE : No making fun, X games gold medalist.
CHASE : Ah, you already looked me up in the yearbook. That's good to know.
BROOKE : Don't get cocky. I didn't look you up. I just opened it to a random page, and there you were.
CHASE : Some people would call that fate.
BROOKE : I call it a coincidence.
(After a pause)
BROOKE : So... I was wondering... why did you leave Clean Teens?
CHASE : I realized I was just hiding out in Clean Teens. I mean, I didn't join the club because I was against s*x. I'm sure I'd actually like s*x.
BROOKE : You definitely would.
CHASE : Yeah. My point is, I thought if I joined Clean Teens, girls wouldn't be interested in me, and then maybe I wouldn't have my heart broken again.
BROOKE : And then I came along.
CHASE : Yep. So that didn't work.
BROOKE : I'm sorry. If it means anything, I've been thinking about you.
CHASE : Me too.
BROOKE : Really? What you been thinking?
CHASE : Well, how about I write it in your yearbook?
(Chase tries to take the yearbook Brooke is holding)
BROOKE : This isn't mine. It's Bevin's. She's signing mine this period.
CHASE : Oh. Okay.
BROOKE : But we could exchange books in calculus tomorrow. That way, I can sign yours, too.
CHASE : I'd like that. I'll see you there.
OUTSIDE OF TREE HILL HIGH
Mouth is taking a yearbook and find inside an old picture of Jimmy and he, but Jimmy is half cut.
INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Mouth comes to see the team that made the yearbook
GIGI : Hey, Mouth.
MOUTH : Gigi. Hi. I didn't know you were on the yearbook staff.
GIGI : I like to keep myself occupied.
MOUTH : Good idea... Listen, I have to ask you something about the yearbook.
GIGI : I thought it might bother you. I hope you're not upset with me.
MOUTH : Why would I be upset with you?
GIGI : Oh, no reason.
MOUTH : Actually, um, I'm upset about what's not in the yearbook. Jimmy Edwards. Here, look at his picture. That's Jimmy. Why was he cropped out?
GIGI : Well, he was originally in it, but we were told to take him out.
SCOTT'S HOUSE
Haley is taking the perimeter of her belly. Nathan walks in
HALEY : You know, I think I'm actually getting fatter by the minute.
NATHAN : I hope so.
HALEY : You're just saying that to make me feel better.
NATHAN : No, because the bigger you get, the taller our son's gonna be.
HALEY : So it's all right if I look like a weeble wobble as long as our son can dunk a basketball?
NATHAN : Have you finished your speech yet?
HALEY : I'm, uh, I'm not gonna be giving a speech.
NATHAN : Haley, come on. Look, everybody knows you're pregnant, okay? Pregnant people get bigger. It's natural.
HALEY : It's actually principal Turner. He told me that I'm not allowed to give the speech on graduation.
NATHAN : What are you talking about? Why?
HALEY : He just said the whole, uh, Rachel scandal test thing has just kind of made it not appropriate.
NATHAN : It's 'cause of me, isn't it?
HALEY : Yeah. Look, it's really okay. It is. It's not a big deal, okay? It's just some stupid speech I probably wouldn't have even finished, anyway.
NATHAN : It's not a stupid speech. And they can't do this to you, Haley.
HALEY : They can. And it's not... it doesn't matter. High school's almost over. You know, let them take the stupid speech. They can't take away everything else I've accomplished.
OUTSIDE LUCAS' HOUSE
Karen is watering her plants when Dan arrives
DAN : So, how you holding up?
KAREN : Oh, well, I've been better. How are you doing? You were the one who was attacked.
DAN : Yeah. That's why I stopped by. I was up all night, Karen. I'm really worried about Lucas.
KAREN : Yeah. I wish I could get into his head and understand what its he's going through.
DAN : Well, that's just it... we can't get in his head. And I think this problem is too serious to deal with ourselves.
KAREN : What are you saying?
DAN : I want to be there for you, for the baby. I want to be there for Lucas, but suddenly he's lashing out.
KAREN : Yeah, well, can you blame him?
DAN : No. But I do think he needs guidance. We should get him some professional help. Someone to help him through this awkward period of us, of replacing Keith, of all of it. I love Lucas. And I really think it's important that we do this for him.
THE APARTMENT
Peyton is writing a text message to Lucas ("I miss u"), Brooke comes to see her
BROOKE : Hey. Peyton, I need your opinion on something, and feel free to be brutally honest.
PEYTON : Yeah, 'cause it really worked out last time I was brutally honest with you.
BROOKE : Okay, first of all, let's not go there. Second, as long as you don't declare your love for Chase, we'll be fine.
PEYTON : Well, he is seriously cute. Too soon?
BROOKE : Too soon.
PEYTON : Sorry.
BROOKE : Anyway, I'm signing Chase's yearbook tomorrow, and I've prepared two possible inscriptions.
PEYTON : No, you didn't.
BROOKE : Yes, I did. One expresses my true feelings for him, and the other talks about how cool I think skateboarding is.
PEYTON : Brooke, you sure about this? Like, you really want Chase back?
BROOKE : Yes. I want him, I miss him, and if he's gonna put himself out there, then so will I.
PEYTON : Wait, how do you know he's gonna put himself out there?
BROOKE : Because he told me he's gonna tell me how he feels about me in my yearbook.
PEYTON : Well, good. I hope this works out.
BROOKE : Thanks. Me too. Besides, he's a really good kisser. Okay. Let me know what you think.
LUCAS' BEDROOM
Lucas, alone and sad, receives Peyton's message. Karen walks in
KAREN : Lucas... I need to talk to you. I love you. You are the most important person in my life, and it kills me to see you hurting like this. But Keith is gone, and he's not coming back. And, eventually, I need to go on with my life.
LUCAS : With Dan?
KAREN : Maybe. I don't know. Lucas, let me in. Please.
LUCAS : You won't believe me, mom.
KAREN : Try me.
LUCAS : I had a dream. I saw this girl the day Keith was shot. And she's in the hallway. She watched it happen. She saw everything.
KAREN : Okay.
LUCAS : It was real, mom. It... The girl... I found her. Her name's Abby, and she... she was there. She watched Keith die. She told me.
KAREN : She told you she saw Jimmy shoot Keith?
LUCAS : No. She told me Dan shot Keith. Now she's gone. I can't prove it.
KAREN : Lucas, I know how desperately you want to believe in this.
LUCAS : No, it's true. I think that it is time that you go talk to somebody... a professional, somebody who can help you through this.
LUCAS : I'm not crazy.
KAREN : I know. But I think that you have a problem. We both think so.
LUCAS : "We"?
KAREN : Dan and I. Lucas... do this for us.
(Lucas starts crying)
KAREN : Please.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Mouth enters Principal Turner's office
TURNER : Oh, Mr. McFadden. What can I do for you?
MOUTH : I want to know why you had Jimmy Edwards removed from the yearbook. TURNER :Jimmy Edwards is no longer a student at this school.
MOUTH : Well, in two days, I won't be, either, but I'm still in the yearbook.
TURNER : Look, Mouth, a yearbook is a collection of memories, a book that, 20 years from now, these students will flip through and remember what they loved about this school. Now, I don't want them to look back and be reminded of that terrible day. TURNER :It happened. It's a part of all of us. But he deserves to be remembered. TURNER :Trust me, no one will ever forget Jimmy Edwards. In a class room just before a period
BROOKE : Have you told Lucas about the internship yet?
PEYTON : No, not yet. I haven't been able to reach him.
BROOKE : Sorry, but you might want to get used to it. Life as Lucas Scott's girlfriend can be pretty lonely sometimes.
(Chase enters the room)
PEYTON : Uh-oh. Moment of truth. You got your cheat sheet? Which one are you gonna use?
BROOKE : I'm gonna tell him how I feel. Wish me luck.
(Chase comes toward Brooke)
CHASE : Hey. Saved you a spot-- first page.
BROOKE : Perfect.
Mouth is in front a his locker, Gigi comes to see him
GIGI : Hey, Mouth. I brought you something.
(She gives him a yearbook)
GIGI : It's Jimmy's.
MOUTH : I don't understand.
GIGI : His mom ordered it last fall. We were gonna mail it to her, but I figured you'd want to take it to her.
MOUTH : Thanks. I don't know what she wants with a yearbook that Jimmy's not even in, but I'll take it to her.
GIGI : Do you have a free period right now?
MOUTH : Gigi, I'm a senior. I pretty much have a free week.
GIGI : Good. Come on.
End of Brooke and Peyton's period
PEYTON : Good luck.
BROOKE : Thanks.
(Peyton leaves and Brooke and Chase exchange their yearbook)
CHASE : Thanks again, Brooke.
BROOKE : Sure.
CHASE : So I'll see you later?
BROOKE : Hope so.
(She starts reading what he wrote)
BROOKE : Oh, no.
RIVERCOURT
Nathan is playing alone. Whitey arrives
WHITEY : Nice shot. You always make it look so easy.
NATHAN : There's no pressure out here. There's nothing on the line. Besides, on this court, the shots don't really matter.
WHITEY : They all matter, Nathan... every shot. Duke has rescinded your scholarship offer. I'm sorry I couldn't help you on this one.
NATHAN : I understand. So I guess it's over, huh?
WHITEY : As far as I know, basketball's never over till you put down the ball and walk off the court.
NATHAN : You know what I mean, coach.
WHITEY : No, Nathan, I don't think I do. What the heck have I been teaching you all these years? When somebody says you can't do something, you fight back. You prove them wrong.
NATHAN : They took away my scholarship, coach. They don't want me anymore.
WHITEY : Then find somebody who does. Nathan, where is the fire that made you the best player I ever coached? Show me it's still there. If it's not, put down that ball and walk off the court. People love a guy who rises from the ashes. Remember that.
DAN'S HOUSE
Lucas is standing in the living room when Dan comes home
DAN : What are you doing here, Lucas?
LUCAS : Why did you paint this wall red, Dan? You covering something up?
DAN : I wanted it red. I like red.
LUCAS : Abby told me she sent you messages... stalked you. Did she write something on this wall, Dan?
DAN : That girl's crazy. She's gotten inside your head, Lucas.
LUCAS : I know what you did. But I can't prove it. So all I can do now is keep you away from my mom.
DAN : I can see that you're upset, but everything's gonna be okay. You're gonna go off to school, and I'm gonna stay here and take care of your mom and the baby.
LUCAS : That's not gonna happen.
DAN : You'll realize it's a good thing. Your mom needs me. You'll see.
INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Nathan is making phone calls from Whitey's empty office
NATHAN : Coach. Hi, this is Nathan Scott... Yeah. Well, I was wondering if you still needed a shooting guard, 'cause I'd love to come up there and... Yeah. I understand. Thanks for your time.
(Haley walks in)
HALEY : Any luck?
NATHAN : It's over, Haley. Nobody wants anything to do with me.
HALEY : Don't say that.
NATHAN : It's true. I ruined everything. And now you can't even give this speech that you worked so hard for, that you earned, because I screwed it up.
HALEY : I don't care about the speech, Nathan. I care about us. I love you. Do you love me?
NATHAN : Of course I love you.
HALEY : Okay. That's all that matters, all right? We are gonna find a way to get through this together. I promise you.
Mouth is with Gigi in the yearbook publishing's office
MOUTH : You know, uh, for what it's worth,
GIGI : I miss hanging out with you. I miss it, too. I think about you all the time.
MOUTH : Really?
GIGI : Of course. But I still think we made the right decision to break up.
MOUTH : I'm pretty sure you were flying solo on that decision, but, uh, I understood it. I still do. But who knows? Maybe someday.
(Mouth looks at a page that just print)
MOUTH : This is incredible, Gigi. What can I do to thank you?
GIGI : You can let me sign your yearbook.
MOUTH : I was hoping you would.
OUTSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Peyton is at a table, Brooke joins her and shows her yearbook
BROOKE : Read this.
PEYTON : "Brooke, I'm glad we got to know each other this year. Good luck in the future. Chase." Ouch.
BROOKE : Yeah. And I just poured my heart out in his yearbook. I'm so embarrassed.
PEYTON : Maybe you should have opted for that "skateboarders are cool" version.
BROOKE : This is not funny. I can never show my face at this school again.
PEYTON : Yeah. It's a good thing high school's almost over.
BROOKE : Shut up.
PEYTON : Hey!
INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Gigi gives Mouth's yearbook back to him
GIGI : All done.
MOUTH : That didn't take long.
GIGI : You were easy.
MOUTH : I hope that's a good thing.
GIGI : It is. I don't know if I'll get to see you before you leave, so... I'll say goodbye now. I'm gonna miss you, Mouth.
MOUTH : I'll miss you, too. Come here.
(They hug and Gigi starts to leave)
MOUTH : Hey, Gigi. Yesterday, when you asked if I was upset with you because of what was in the yearbook, what did you mean?
GIGI : Page 23.
(She leaves and he look at that page where there is a picture of the two of them and she wrote "Mouth, here's to someday Love Gigi")
Haley walks by Lucas and the walk in the hallway
HALEY : Hey. Look who decided to come out of hiding.
LUCAS : Yeah
HALEY : Since when do you ditch school?
LUCAS : Come on. Finals are over. Give me one good reason to be here this week.
HALEY : Actually, I have one. This is yours...
(She gives him his yearbook)
HALEY : I picked it up this morning 'cause I wanted to be the very first one to sign it.
LUCAS : Thank you.
HALEY : You're welcome. I kind of got carried away and took up an entire page. But I figured that's my right as a best friend.
LUCAS : Yes. You are my best friend.
HALEY : I can't believe high school is almost over. Do you remember the first day of freshman year?
LUCAS : Oh, yes. You asked me to pretend to be your boyfriend so the other guys wouldn't bother you.
HALEY : You were the best fake boyfriend ever.
LUCAS : Seems like forever ago, huh? Did you ever think this was how senior year would end up?
HALEY : What? Me married, pregnant, living with a recovering junkie who is packing heat? Absolutely.
LUCAS : What was that?
HALEY : Deb... she keeps a gun in the kitchen in a cookie jar. She asked me to go to the shooting range with her... while I'm pregnant. She's out of her mind.
SCOTT'S HOUSE
Lucas enters the kitchen
LUCAS : Hello? Anybody home?
(He takes the gun from the cookie jar)
OUTSIDE WHITEY'S HOUSE
Haley comes to visit Whitey
HALEY : Hey, coach. Got a minute?
WHITEY : Looks like I'm getting more visits at the house than I got in my office.
HALEY : Are you?
WHITEY : I guess since I retired, I ought to start a new business and charge fees for my advice.
HALEY : That's not a bad idea. What do you think you'll call it?
WHITEY : Oh, I don't know. I'll think of something.
HALEY : Well, I don't know how much advice I need, but I could sure use your help.
WHITEY : What can I do for you?
HALEY : You can help Nathan. Everybody's turned their back on him. You're the only person that's never let him down.
WHITEY : Haley, I don't know what I could do for him at this point.
HALEY : Well, I'm sure you could think of something. Coach, he's still that guy that helped you win all those games. He's got the heart of a champion. You've know that. You watched him grow. You know the kind of person that he is. Can't you just help him be more that person, help him for all the times he's helped you?
WHITEY : Let me think on it.
INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Brooke is walking in the hallway and sees Chase. She run in a class room to hide and find herself in front of a all class of freshmen
BROOKE : Hi... freshmen. Great. As your student-council president, I just wanted to come by and personally say good luck with the rest of high school. You guys are gonna love the next three years.
FRESHMAN : I can't wait.
BROOKE : Well, maybe not all of you. Okay. Have a good day.
OUTSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Peyton is watching her yearbook when Lucas arrives and kisses her by surprise
PEYTON : Excuse me... I have a boyfriend.
LUCAS : Really? Where is he?
(Lucas is joking like is gonna a beat the guy)
PEYTON : Good question. I've been wondering that myself for two days.
LUCAS : Yeah, I guess I deserved that.
PEYTON : It makes a girl feel cheap... give it up in Honey Grove, and then, poof, vanishing boyfriend.
LUCAS : Poof?
PEYTON : Poof.
LUCAS : Look, I'm sorry. I kind of have this habit of crawling into my shell.
PEYTON : Well, quit your dumb habit, 'cause your girlfriend really needs you this weekend.
LUCAS : What's going on?
PEYTON : I have an impossible decision to make and not a whole lot of time to make it in.
LUCAS : Okay. Look, I'm here now. Tell me about it.
PEYTON : I applied for an internship with Sire Records a few months ago, before we were together. And I just found out I got it.
LUCAS : Oh, my god, that's great.
PEYTON : It's in Los Angeles.
LUCAS : Take it. You deserve it.
PEYTON : I don't want to leave you.
LUCAS : I will be here when you get back. But your are destined for greatness, Peyton, and we both know that. And this is your first step. You can't pass that up.
PEYTON : Are you sure?
LUCAS : Yeah. I'm so proud of you. Look, Peyton... you know I love you, right?
PEYTON : Yeah.
LUCAS : No matter what happens to either one of us, you will always be in my heart.
MOUTH : Excuse me, everybody.
(We see Mouth stand up on a table not far from Lucas and Peyton)
MOUTH : This will only take a minute. This yearbook belongs to Jimmy Edwards. Now, everyone knows his name, but some of you actually knew Jimmy before that day. Maybe you sat with him at lunch. Maybe you went to grade school together. If you knew Jimmy even for a short time, then you probably have some good memories of him. And I hope you'll consider writing them down in this yearbook. Thanks.
(Mouth get down and sees Lucas)
MOUTH : Lucas, I know how you feel about Jimmy, but it's the right thing to do.
LUCAS : I know it is. Got a pen?
MOUTH : Hey.
LUCAS : You're a great friend, Mouth. Jimmy would really appreciate this.
(Lucas is the first to sign Jimmy's yearbook)
INSIDE TREE HILL HIGH
Nathan enters Principal Turner's office
NATHAN : Principal Turner?
TURNER : Whatever it is, Mr. Scott, it'll have to wait. I'm very busy.
NATHAN : This won't take long, I promise.
TURNER : Okay.
NATHAN : Okay. I'm sorry. I know I embarrassed you, I embarrassed the school, and I'm sorry for that... I am. But, please, don't take this out on Haley.
TURNER : This wasn't an easy decision, Nathan.
NATHAN : But you made it. And now the best student... the best person... in this school can't give a speech because she's married to me. Does that sound fair to you?
TURNER : You should know that I've received numerous phone calls from parents and school-board members.
NATHAN : Do you have a wife, principal Turner?
TURNER : Yes, I do.
NATHAN : Is she the best part of you? Would you want her to pay for your mistakes? We've all made mistakes. And, believe me, I'm paying for mine, but Haley's a good person. And she's worked for four years to be valedictorian, and... she deserves to be recognized.
OUTSIDE LUCAS' HOUSE
Dan knocks at the door and Karen opens the door
KAREN : Hi. Come in.
(We see Lucas arriving in his car and looking at the scene, with a gun in his hand)
SCOTT'S HOUSE
Haley is in the couch, Nathan comes home
HALEY : Hey. It's getting a little late. I'm kind of hungry. You hungry?
NATHAN : No.
HALEY : Let's go out. We never go out anymore. Let's go eat something really bad for us and pig out.
NATHAN : That sounds great, but you're gonna be a little busy tonight.
HALEY : Doing what?
(Nathan gives her a paper)
HALEY : What is this?
NATHAN : Graduation program.
HALEY : "Tree Hill high school graduation. Valedictory address... Haley James Scott"?
NATHAN : Turner changed his mind.
HALEY : Are you for real? Oh, come here! Thank you! Oh, my god! I have to go start writing my speech!
NATHAN : You got a lot of work to do. I'll grab us something to eat... something really bad for us.
HALEY : No, I'm gonna be speaking in front of a thousand people. Plus, I'm pregnant. I need healthy food. Healthy!
THE APARTMENT
Peyton is in the bedroom, looking at her internship letter, Brooke joins her
BROOKE : Hey. You okay?
PEYTON : I told Lucas about the internship.
BROOKE : What did he say?
PEYTON : He wants me to go.
BROOKE : He's right. Was there a part of you that was hoping he'd ask you to stay?
PEYTON : Oh, no, no. It's not that. There's something going on with him, and I just worry about being away all summer.
BROOKE : Peyton, when has Lucas ever not made the right decision?
PEYTON : Well, let's see. He didn't take his heart pills and collapsed recently.
BROOKE : You know what I mean. Okay, if you're worried about your relationship, it's one thing. But I don't think you need to be. Lucas is right... take the internship... and have a fabulous summer in L.A. with me.
(Someone knocks at the door)
BROOKE : I'll get it.
Brooke opens the door to Chase
CHASE : Hey.
BROOKE : Can I help you?
CHASE : I was hoping we could talk about what you wrote in my yearbook.
BROOKE : What's the point? I mean, I... I didn't mean half the things I said. I just for some stupid reason thought you were gonna write something similar, so...
CHASE : I wanted to.
BROOKE : Don't do that, okay? It's too late. It's fine.
CHASE : When I walked into that classroom today, I was gonna tell you exactly how I feel. I mean, I wanted to earlier in the hallway.
BROOKE : So why didn't you?
CHASE : I don't know. I guess I wasn't sure I wanted to put my heart out there again. But, look, the point is everything that you wrote to me, I feel it, too. I just didn't know how to put it in words.
BROOKE : You just did.
(They kiss)
INSIDE WHITEY'S HOUSE
Whitey is on the phone
WHITEY : Hello. This is Whitey Durham. I'm sorry to call so late, but I need to speak to your athletic director.
OUTSIDE JIMMY EDWARD'S HOUSE
Mouth knocks at the door
JIMMY'S MOM : Marvin.
MOUTH : I brought you something. It's Jimmy's yearbook. A lot of people signed it. They said some really nice things about Jimmy.
(She starts to look at it and we see a page dedicated to Jimmy)
THE APARTMENT
Peyton is looking at her yearbook and find what Lucas wrote for her:"Remember, no matter what happens, I will always love you... Love, Lucas"
INSIDE LUCAS' HOUSE
Dan and Karen are having diner
DAN : Lucas is gonna be okay, Karen.
KAREN : I don't know. Something about this just doesn't feel right. When I asked him to get help, he looked... betrayed.
DAN : Well, you did the right thing. He's out of control. He's acting crazy.
KAREN : My son is not crazy.
DAN : I'm sorry, Karen. I didn't mean it like that.
KAREN : This isn't easy for me, Dan... any of this.
(Dan receives a text message from an unknown: "I'm not leaving. I watched you murder your brother. I'm going to the police. Abby")
KAREN : What is it?
DAN : Just a little problem I thought I took care of. I have to go. This won't take long. I'm sorry.
(Dan starts to go and faces Lucas in the hallway)
LUCAS : Going somewhere, Dan?
DAN : What do you think you're doing, Lucas?
LUCAS : I'm protecting my mother.
(Lucas aims Dan with the gun)
DAN : What are you gonna do, shoot me?
LUCAS : Yes, I am. Just like you shot my uncle Keith.
KAREN : Lucas, what are you doing with a gun? Put that down right now.
LUCAS : I can't.
KAREN : Lucas!
LUCAS : That little text message Dan just got... I sent it. I pretended to be Abby... you know, the girl who watched him murder Keith. You heard him... Abby's just a little problem he thought he'd taken care of.
DAN : Don't listen to him, Karen. He's delusional.
LUCAS : Maybe you should tell the truth when I have a gun aimed at your head.
KAREN : Lucas, please, just put the gun down, all right? I can't..
(Karen starts fainting)
KAREN : I can't..
(She faint and Dan want to help her)
DAN : Karen!
LUCAS : Do not touch her! Mom? Mom, are you okay?
DAN : She could be having a miscarriage!
LUCAS : You stay right there! Do not touch her! That is my mother! I swear to god I will kill you!
(We see Lucas shooting) | Plan: A: the school year; Q: What is approaching the end of? A: Peyton; Q: Who considers a music internship in Los Angeles? A: a music internship; Q: What does Peyton consider accepting in Los Angeles? A: Brooke; Q: Who tries to reconnect with Chase through yearbook signatures? A: Haley; Q: Who struggles to write her valedictorian speech? A: Dan; Q: Who suggests that Lucas get professional help? A: professional help; Q: What does Dan suggest Lucas get when Karen worries about his obsession with Keith's murder? A: Keith's murder; Q: What is Lucas obsessed with theories about? A: B. J. Thomas; Q: Who wrote the song that inspired the episode? Summary: As the end of the school year approaches, Peyton considers accepting a music internship in Los Angeles. Brooke tries to reconnect with Chase through yearbook signatures. Haley struggles to write her valedictorian speech. Dan suggests that Lucas get professional help when Karen continues to worry about his obsession with theories about Keith's murder. This episode is named after a song by B. J. Thomas . |
Originally written by Brown Mandell. Transcribed by Joshua Hodge.
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Monica, Joey, and Chandler are there.]
[Rachel brings a muffin to Chandler and Monica who are sitting on the couch.]
RACHEL: Ok, Chandler, Mon, there's only one bananna nut muffin left.
[Rachel holds the tray between them. Chandler grabs the muffin before Monica can.]
MONICA: Oh, I ordered mine first.
CHANDLER: Yeah, but I'm, I'm so much faster...
MONICA: Give it to me.
CHANDLER: No.
MONICA: Give it to me.
CHANDLER: Ok, you can have it. [He licks it and offers it to her.]
MONICA: [She grabs the coffee cup on the table and licks the rim.] There you go, enjoy your coffee.
CHANDLER: That was there when I got here. [Takes a bite of his muffin.]
PHOEBE: [enters] Hey you guys, you will never guess who's coming to New York.
MONICA: [Chandler tries to come back with a smart-ass remark but can't swallow the muffin.] Quick, Phoebe, tell us before he can swallow.
PHOEBE: Oh ok, Ryan, that guy I went out with, who's in the Navy.
[Chandler is visibly upset]
RACHEL: You went out with a guy in the Navy?
PHOEBE: Yeah, I met him when I was playing guitar in Washington Square Park. Ryan threw in salt water taffy 'cause he didn't have any change.
JOEY: Hey, is that when you wrote salt water taffy man?
PHOEBE: No. No, he is my submaring guy. He resurfaces like every couple years and we have the most amazing three days together. Only this time he's coming for two weeks. Two whole weeks, which means yay.
RACHEL: So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at a time?
[Once again, Chandler has a bite in his mouth and can't come back.]
MONICA: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
ROSS: [enters] Hiii.
JOEY: Oh no, what happened?
ROSS: Well, I just spoke to Carol. Ben's got the chicken pox.
ALL: Oh no.
ROSS: Yeah, so if you haven't already had it, chances are you're gonna get it.
RACHEL: Well I've had it.
JOEY: Yeah, I've had it.
MONICA: Had it.
CHANDLER: Had it.
PHOEBE: Well, I've never had it, I feel so left out. [Sees a red bump on her arm.] Oh look!
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Richard are in her bedroom.]
MONICA: Honey, you made the bed again. I told you, you don't have to do that. This isn't camp.
RICHARD: Ooh, then I guess the panty raid last night was totally uncalled for. Ok, I am going to take a shower and today I will be singing Jim Crochee's Leroy Brown.
[He walks out of the bedroom and Monica starts to remake the bed.]
RICHARD: Monica... [He re-enters the bedroom and Monica jumps on the bed, trying to cover it.] Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town?
MONICA: Baddest. Otherwise the song would be Fat Fat Leroy Brown.
RICHARD: What're you doing?
MONICA: Just waiting for you sweetie.
RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed?
MONICA: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know what, the way you did it was just fine.
RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because...
MONICA: If I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy.
RICHARD: You're pretty much running that risk either way.
MONICA: Ok, you see, the tag shouldn't be at the top left corner, it should be at the bottom right corner.
RICHARD: Oh, well that's not so crazy.
MONICA: I'm just easing you in.
RICHARD: Oh, alright.
MONICA: Alright, you see these little flower blossoms? They should be facing up, not down, because, well, the head of the bed is where the sun would be. You don't love me any more do you.
RICHARD: Actually, if it's possible, I love you more.
MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey is there.]
CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor.
JOEY: But don't you need experience for a job like that?
CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor.
SCOTT: [enters] Hey Chandler, here's this morning's projections.
CHANDLER: Hey thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbianni. Joey is a uh, fellow processor.
SCOTT: No kidding.
JOEY: Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.
SCOTT: Where do you work?
JOEY: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You know how it is. One day you're processing, the next day you're not so much... processing any more.
CHANDLER: I was just telling Joey about the opening in Fleischman's group.
SCOTT: Fleischman's group. Whatever you do, don't touch his sandwiches. Ha-ha-ha...
JOEY: Ha-ha. [Scott leaves] Are all you processors dorks?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are doing Phoebe's makeup.]
RACHEL: Oh, this lipstick looks just great on you.
MONICA: You look fabulous honey, you really do.
PHOEBE: Yeah? Are you sure, really. [She picks up a mirror and sees the white splotches all over her face.]
RACHEL: You see, you look beautiful. For god sakes, dim the lights.
PHOEBE: I, I, I'm hideous.
MONICA: It's gonna be ok. Ryan's been under water. He's just gonna be so glad that you don't have barnicles on your butt.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ryan is walks up to the door and knocks.]
PHOEBE: Come in.
RYAN: Hey baby, I'm back... [Phoebe is sitting by the window in a veil.]
PHOEBE: Hey Ryan, what's up?
RYAN: What's goin' on?
PHOEBE: Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I have the pox.
RYAN: Chicken or small?
PHOEBE: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian.
RYAN: Why aren't you at home in bed?
PHOEBE: 'Cause my, my grandmother's never had chicken pox. Please, please tell me you have, 'cause oh my God, I forgot how cute you are.
RYAN: I'm sorry, I never had 'em.
PHOEBE: Ohh, ohh.
RYAN: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time machine, go back to when I was 7, when Jimmy Hauser had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid and rub him all over my face.
PHOEBE: Yeah, or you know, you could just wish that I didn't have them now.
RYAN: Can I please see your face?
PHOEBE: Nope. You don't want to see a face covered with pox.
RYAN: Your face could be covered with lochs, I wouldn't care.
PHOEBE: And you hate fish. Oh. That's so sweet, alright. Ok, alright, you can see. This is me... [she unveils herself right as a huge lightning bolt crashes outside. Ryan screams in terror.] Oh, I am scary.
RYAN: Sorry, the lightning. Lightning was an unfortunate incidence. You look lovely, lovely.
PHOEBE: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this.
RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. [He walks to her and kisses her.]
PHOEBE: Ok, this is the most romantic disease I've ever had.
[Scene: Chandler's office. Joey enters.]
JOEY: Hey.
CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'?
JOEY: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column.
CHANDLER: Well there you go.
JOEY: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
CHANDLER: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?
JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
CHANDLER: Weird world. Your kids?
JOEY: I figure my character has kids.
CHANDLER: Ya know there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained.
JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
CHANDLER: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
JOEY: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... Ya know what? Just did.
CHANDLER: Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Ryan are playing Monopoly.]
RYAN: You know what makes the itching even worse?
PHOEBE: That you don't stop talking about it.
RYAN: Fine.
PHOEBE: Let's just play, ok. Good, ok. [She picks up the dice.] Here we go, double sixes, here we go... [She starts to rub the dice all over herself.] Here we go, come to mama, just getting ready to roll the dice...
RYAN: What're you doing? Are you scratching?
PHOEBE: No. This is what I do for luck, ok.
RYAN: You're scratching. Give me the dice.
PHOEBE: No.
RYAN: Give me the dice.
PHOEBE: No. Here. [Throws them on the table.] There. Ooh, double sixes.
RYAN: We can't scratch. You know we can't, we'll scar.
PHOEBE: Uhh, I can't stop thinking about it. It's just so hard. I just wanna grab all these houses and rub 'em all over my body. [Grabs a handful of the houses.]
RYAN: No.
PHOEBE: Give it.
RYAN: No.
PHOEBE: Yeah, come on. You know you want it, you know you want it too, come on. Let's just be bad, it'll feel so good. [She starts scratching him.]
RYAN: Oh God help me.
PHOEBE: Now do me, do my back. Oh come on, harder.
[They get back to back and start rubbing against each other. Ross and Rachel enter.]
RACHEL: Oh, stop that, stop that right now.
ROSS: You know, I might have expected this of you Phoebe, but Ryan, you're a military man.
[Scene: Chandler's office building. Joey and Jeannie are talking.]
JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it.
JEANNIE: Oh, that sounds lovely. We're gonna have to set that up. Oh, I better get back. Hope the baby feels better.
JOEY: Oh, thanks, thanks. Bye bye Jeannie.
JEANNIE: Bye bye Joey.
JOEY: What a phony.
CHANDLER: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. Hey Mr. Douglas.
JOEY: Sir.
MR. DOUGLAS: Uh, listen Bing, I received your memo. So, we're not gonna receive the systems report until next Friday?
CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families.
MR. DOUGLAS: I have a family, I'm gonna be here.
JOEY: Yeah Bing, what's that about?
CHANDLER: It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya know, for morale. Look, if you wanna see some rough numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday.
MR. DOUGLAS: Rough numbers?
JOEY: This company was not built on rough numbers. Am I right Mr. Douglas.
MR. DOUGLAS: Have the final numbers on my desk by Tuesday.
CHANDLER: Uh, if you say so sir.
JOEY: Joseph's good, isn't he?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm going to kill you.
JOEY: Hey, hey, I just figure Joseph's the kinda guy that likes to mix it up. Ya know, get in there, ruffle some feathers.
CHANDLER: Why?
JOEY: Look, I'm sorry but that's what Joseph does, ok. If you try to pull somethin', he'll call you on it. 'What're you tryin' to pull,' he'll say.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica enters her bedroom with a roll of duct tape. Richard is sitting on the bed.]
RICHARD: Ooh, duct tape. Was I supposed to bring something too?
MONICA: This is for the scratchy twins out there. I taped oven mits to their hands.
RICHARD: You're strict.
MONICA: It's for their own good.
RICHARD: You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your time.
MONICA: Exactly. Oh, I love that I can be totally neurotic around you now. Tell me the truth. Don't you like it better now that everything on your desk is perpendicular?
RICHARD: If it's not a right angle, it is a wrong angle.
MONICA: Very good.
RICHARD: Thank you.
MONICA: You know what. Tomorrow I'm gonna do your clocks.
RICHARD: You're gonna do what to my clocks.
MONICA: I'm gonna set them to my time.
RICHARD: Well, I'm confused. I thought we shared time.
MONICA: No no. See, in my bedroom I set my clock six minutes fast. You wanna know why?
RICHARD: Because it's in a slightly different time zone than the kitchen.
MONICA: No forget it, I'm not gonna tell you now.
RICHARD: No come on. Come on tell me.
MONICA: No. See you don't understand.
RICHARD: Come on.
MONICA: No. You don't have any of these cute little obsessive things.
RICHARD: No that's not true. That is not true.
MONICA: Oh yeah.
RICHARD: Yeah.
MONICA: Alright, well tell me one of yours.
RICHARD: Ok. Ahh. One of my things is, I always separate my sweat socks from my dress socks.
MONICA: What if they get mixed up?
RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out.
MONICA: You would not. I can't believe this. I hate this, you're too normal. I can't believe my boyfriend doesn't have a thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a thing.
RICHARD: See, if anyone overheard that, I didn't come off well.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Chandler's office. Chandler is asleep in his chair holding a paper in one hand and a pen in the other. Joey walks in, waking up Chandler who covers by pretending to write on the paper.]
JOEY: Hey. Mr. Douglas is looking for you.
CHANDLER: Why? Wh- wh- why is Mr. Douglas looking for me?
JOEY: 'Cause he has a strong suspicion that you dropped the ball on the Lender project.
CHANDLER: Wha- wh- why, why, why does he suspect that?
JOEY: Becasue at first he thought it was Joseph. But after he asked Joseph about it, turns out it was you. Anyway, I just thought you should know.
CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go.
JOEY: What're you talking about, everybody loves Joseph.
CHANDLER: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a brown-nosing suck up.
JOEY: Oh yeah. Well you can't fire Joseph. You know why, 'cause he's not in your department.
CHANDLER: Alright, ok, alright. So I can't fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep with his wife.
JOEY: Karen.
CHANDLER: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.
JOEY: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.
CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer.
JOEY: Really?
CHANDLER: No freakshow, she's fictional.
JOEY: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, I'll uh, I'll go find something else.
CHANDLER: Thank you.
JOEY: It's just that, I, I'm gonna miss Joseph. I liked him. His wife, she was hot. [Chadler pushes him out the door by the face.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Ross are in the kitchen. Phoebe is sitting at the couch with oven mits on her hands.]
PHOEBE: Can I please take these off? I swear I won't scratch.
RACHEL: No sorry hon, Monica's orders.
RYAN: [Comes out of the bathroom, also with oven mits on his hands.] Well that wasn't easy.
ROSS: Ok, dinner's on.
RACHEL: And there's a peach cobbler warming in the oven so the plate's gonna be hot but that shouldn't be a problem for you.
ROSS: Alright you kids, bye now.
PHOEBE and RYAN: Bye. [waving]
ROSS: Oh look, a low budget puppet show.
PHOEBE: It's such a shame you can't see which finger I'm holding up.
[Ross and Rachel leave.]
RYAN: Wine?
PHOEBE: Please. [Ryan pulls the cork with his teeth and spits it into Phoebe's mits.]
RYAN: Oh, I spilled some.
PHOEBE: I got it. [Wipes it up with her mits.]
RYAN: [Puts his hands over Phoebe's ears.] I must tell you, you look beautiful tonight.
PHOEBE: What?
RYAN: Sorry. You look beautiful.
PHOEBE: Oh.
[They start to kiss. They try to get each other's shirts off but can't get the buttons undone.]
PHOEBE: You know what, that's it, that's it. [She rips off the mits, Ryan follows her lead.]
[They keep kissing and start scratching each other. Ross enters, takes one look, and goes right back out the door.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Richard and Monica are in bed.]
RICHARD: Monica, wake up. Monica.
MONICA: What's up?
RICHARD: I thought of a thing.
MONICA: Yeah?
RICHARD: Yeah. I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed.
MONICA: No honey. You have to sleep on this side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side of the bed.
RICHARD: Or so I would have you believe.
MONICA: No. Big deal, so you have a side of the bed, everybody has a side of the bed.
RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet.
MONICA: Alright, go on.
RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
MONICA: Oh my God, you're a freak.
RICHARD: Yeah. How 'bout that.
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe, Rachel, Ross, and Ryan are there. Ryan is in uniform, getting ready to leave.]
RACHEL: So uh, Ryan, were you shipping off to?
RYAN: I really can't say.
ROSS: So do you have like any nuclear weapons on board?
RYAN: I can't say.
RACHEL: Well do you get to look through one of those like, those periscope thingys.
RYAN: I'm sorry, but I can't say.
ROSS: Wow, it, it's neat learning about submarines.
RYAN: I better get out of here, I'm gonna miss my flight.
PHOEBE: Ok, I'll walk you out.
ROSS: Bye Ryan.
RYAN: Pleasure.
RACHEL: It was nice to meet you.
RYAN: Take care.
[Phoebe and Ryan walk outside.]
RACHEL: So do you uh, think we can get you one of those uh, uniform things?
ROSS: You like that do ya?
RACHEL: Oh yeah.
ROSS: I'll make some calls. [Runs off.]
RACHEL: Ok.
[Outside with Phoebe and Ryan.]
RYAN: Can you believe how we spent our two weeks together?
PHOEBE: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things I had planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and ya know, coffee at Central Perk. Oh I just got that. [They kiss.]
RYAN: Taxi.
PHOEBE: Bye you. [Ryan's cab drives off. As Phoebe is going back in, she sees the Central Perk sign in the window and laughs.]
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel is closing. Ross walks in in a uniform.]
RACHEL: Oh I'm sorry, we're clo-... Hey sailor.
ROSS: Is this what you had in mind?
RACHEL: I'll say.
[Ross picks her up.]
ROSS: I'm shipping out tomorrow.
RACHEL: Well then uh, we better make this night count. [He starts to carry her out.] Oh wait, I forgot to turn off the cappucino machine. [He carries her over to turn it off.] Anchors away. Oh no no, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my purse, my pu rse. [He carries her to the counter to pick up her purse.] Oh, you know what. I forgot to turn off the bathroom light.
ROSS: Alright you know, why don't I just meet you upstairs. [Drops her on the couch and walks out holding his lower back.] | Plan: A: Phoebe; Q: Who catches chicken pox just as her old flame, Ryan, arrives in town? A: Ryan; Q: Who is Charlie Sheen? A: leave; Q: What is Ryan on from the Navy? A: Joey; Q: Who gets a temp job at Chandler's office? A: a role; Q: What does Joey decide to play at Chandler's office? A: Joseph; Q: What character does Joey create to blame Chandler for his own screw-ups? A: Monica; Q: Who is upset that Richard does not have a "thing" like her? A: a "thing; Q: What is an unexplainable quirk called? Summary: Phoebe catches chicken pox just as her old flame, Ryan ( Charlie Sheen ) arrives in town on leave from the Navy. Even though he has never had chicken pox, he wants to see her and they spend the rest of the time being sick and trying not to scratch themselves. Joey gets a temp job at Chandler's office and decides to play it as a role. He creates "Joseph", who has a wife and kids and ultimately blames Chandler for his own screw-ups. Monica is upset that Richard does not have a "thing" - an unexplainable quirk - like she does. He eventually thinks of one to please her. |
The Seeds of Death By Brian Hayles and Terrance Dicks
5:15pm - 5:40pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1, MODEL SHOT: SPACE
(The vast white-hot orb of the sun is eclipsed from the dark side of the moon, beyond which spins the green and blue jewel in the crown of the star system - the third planet.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2, INT: EARTH-CONTROL
(T-Mat Earth Control, London, is a hive of activity, like a kind of busy air-traffic control centre. Technicians in futuristic grey PVC uniforms rush about from console to console controlling and regulating the busy teleporter activity. The main chamber itself is sparse, metallic and extremely futuristic in design with large illuminated maps of every location and Travel-Mat reception centre in the world. Monitor screens and banks of controls hum and blink everywhere under watchful eyes. To the sides are rows of empty T-Mat cubicles, resembling telephone booths. In one corner a large computer with winking lights which is emblazoned with the T-Mat logo sits churning out information to the technicians via a large speaker.)
COMPUTER: BOMBAY/TOKYO SHIPMENT ACTIVATED. BOMBAY SENDING NOW, TOKYO RECEIVING NOW. DISPATCH COMPLETED. NEW YORK TO MOSCOW DELAY, MOONBASE CLEARANCE AWAITED. STOCKHOLM/WASHINGTON PERSONNEL/TRANSPORTATION. STOCKHOLM SENDING NOW, WASHINGTON RECEIVING NOW. DISPATCH COMPLETED. NON-ARRIVAL SHIPMENT OF SYNTHETIC PROTEIN. NEW YORK TO MOSCOW, MOONBASE CLEARANCE AWAITED.
(Technical Co-ordinator Gia Kelly is a young blonde with a stern face and an abrupt attitude and is wearing a black PVC uniform of different design to the technicians. She calls over to her assistant.)
KELLY: Brent?
BRENT: Yes Miss Kelly?
KELLY: Why is there a delay with Moon Control?
BRENT: There's some mix up with the Moscow shipment, it seems to have landed up in Canberra.
KELLY: Fewsham again I suppose? Take Moscow out of phase while they sort it out.
(Brent moves to a panel and flips a few switches.)
BRENT: Moscow sending, Moonbase clear.
COMPUTER: TORONTO/CALCUTTA SYSTEM ACTIVATED. TORONTO SENDING NOW, CALCUTTA RECEIVING NOW. DISPATCH COMPLETED.
BRENT: Moscow ready now, Miss Kelly.
KELLY: Report Canberra/Moscow situation please.
COMPUTER: CANBERRA/MOSCOW CLEAR.
KELLY: Brent, tell Canberra to activate now.
BRENT: Canberra/Moscow, go ahead please.
COMPUTER: CANBERRA SENDING NOW, MOSCOW RECEIVING NOW. DISPATCH COMPLETED.
(There is a chime of autowarning from a nearby cubicle and a man appears out of thin air carrying a briefcase.)
OSGOOD: Goood morning Gia!
KELLY: Morning. Just as well you've arrived.
OSGOOD: Why what's up?
KELLY: The sooner you take over from Fewsham on Moon control, the better.
OSGOOD: Oh not again!
KELLY: All T-Mat consignments are five minutes behind schedule!
OSGOOD: What?
KELLY: Fewsham routed a large Moscow consignment through to Canberra.
OSGOOD: Oh he's a lunatic!
KELLY: You should never have recommended him for an Assistant Controller's job in the first place.
OSGOOD: Yes...I know now. But I thought he deserved a break.
KELLY: Sentimental. He'll do something really disastrous one day and you'll have to answer for it.
OSGOOD: So I'll go and work in a synthetics factory...
(He laughs, but Kelly deliberately refuses to participate.)
KELLY: It's your career.
OSGOOD: So it is. Hey, have you got a T-Mat cubicle ready for me?
KELLY: Yes, number six.
OSGOOD: Seeya later!
(He moves across and walks into one of the clear-sided booths.)
KELLY: Prepare lunar cubicle number six for transport to Moon Control.
BRENT OOV: Ready and waiting.
(Kelly spares Osgood a glance as he is waiting to leave and he blows her a kiss through the clear perspex of the T-Mat cubicle. She is unmoved.)
KELLY: Activate.
(Osgood fades into nothingness.)
BRENT: Lucky he got here before your man arrived.
KELLY: Yes, he's late. Keep a public T-Mat cubicle open for him.
BRENT: Right. Circle cubicle two, hold it open.
KELLY: Report Moonbase situation please.
COMPUTER: MOONBASE CLEAR. ROUTINE SHIPMENTS TRANSFERRING ON AUTOMATIC CONTROL. LOCAL ARRIVAL CUBICLE-TWO ACTIVATING.
(T-Mat Cubical two glows and a white-haired man appears, then disembarks.)
RADNOR: Morning Brent.
BRENT: Morning sir.
RADNOR: Morning Gia, all functioning well?
KELLY: Yes Commander Radnor.
RADNOR: In your case Miss Kelly, efficiency and charm go hand in hand.
KELLY: I try to keep things running smoothly.
RADNOR: Nothing ever goes wrong while you're on duty.
KELLY: I don't allow it.
(Radnor strides past the computer and though the doorway into his office.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3, MODEL SHOT: SPACE
(Past the sphere of the Earth is the vast rock of the moon.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4, MODEL SHOT: THE MOONBASE
(On the inhospitable surface of the moon, the Moonbase is like a tiny metal self-contained city. There is a cluster of main buildings, external ports for vehicles. The main features however, is a vast array of aerials and dishes for controlling the entire world's T-Mat traffic with.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5, INT: MOONBASE-CONTROL
(Moonbase Control is large, but doesn't appear to be as packed with technicians as Earth Control. Most of the systems being automatic allowing for only a skeleton crew on the Moonbase. There are the usual T-Mat booths along one wall, and a central bank of control consoles and monitors in the centre of the room. To the right is a doorway into the main complexes, at directly ahead is a large screen of gently pulsing lights. Osgood is in the process of tearing a strip off a nonchalant young technician who is sitting at the controls. Fewsham is staring guiltily ahead steadfastly refusing to meet Osgood's gaze as if he were attempting to atone for accidentally drifting off to sleep at the controls.)
OSGOOD: You may have been on duty all night Fewsham, but that's no excuse for this kind of slip up!
FEWSHAM: They weren't a major hold ups, just a few minutes!
(Osgood faces Fewsham angrily.)
OSGOOD: Kelly was going mad back in Earth Control!
FEWSHAM: She would!
OSGOOD: Look I'm sorry Fewsham, but it's my head in the noose as well you know!
FEWSHAM: I know, I'm... sorry.
(He looks genuinely upset, and Osgood softens.)
OSGOOD: I.. Oh alright. Go on, you'd better get back to Earth.
(Fewsham moves over to one of the cubicles, but as he has his hand on the door, an electronic auto-alert begins to pulse and a light blinks on the console.)
OSGOOD: Now what?!
FEWSHAM: The outer door airlocks.
OSGOOD: Who's there?
FEWSHAM: No-one.
OSGOOD: Then how come the airlocks are in use?
(There is a scream from the corridor beyond the main control room. Osgood runs to the doors and a technician falls through into his arms, as if he were slightly concussed. He shakes his head and begins to come to.)
OSGOOD: Phipps, what is it man?! What's happened? Come on man!
(The scream sounds again from just down the corridor, and two technicians run through the doorway skidding to a halt inside the main control room.)
LOCKE: Close the doors, we've got to keep...
(From the corridor beyond, something very large lumbers towards the room. All of the men are rooted the spot in terror of what they see before them.)
OSGOOD: Don't move anyone, don't do anything!
(Harvey runs across the room in an attempt to escape.)
OSGOOD: Harvey don't!
(But Osgood has spoken too late. A weapon is brought to bear, and flashes bright white. With a burble of resounding airwaves, a wobbling translucent ball of force sails through the air and hits Harvey squarely in the chest. He twists in and out as if he were made of putty and slumps to the ground. The creatures enter the room without any further resistance.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6, INT: EARTH-CONTROL
(A light on Kelly's console marked "Delay" begins to blink.)
BRENT: Oh not again.
KELLY: The second Moscow consignment?
BRENT: Yes. They'll think we're deliberately sabotaging their stuff if this goes on.
KELLY: T-Mat reception Earth to Moon, Controller Kelly calling. Switch your communication links to video.
(The video screen remains blank.)
KELLY: Osgood's gone too far this time. There'll be trouble!
(She get ups up and strides resolutely over to Commander Radnor's office.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7, INT: MOONBASE-CONTROL
(Osgood is conducting a conversation with the invaders who are barking orders at him in their cold hissing tones.)
OSGOOD: No, I refuse!
SLAAR: You would be wise to co-operate at once. Otherwise you will be destroyed.
OSGOOD: Well I, I-I suppose that leaves me no alternative.
(He goes over to the console and makes a few adjustments.)
PHIPPS: Don't do it!
SLAAR: Silence!
OSGOOD: There's a...certain element of risk in what you're asking me to do.
SLAAR: You are wasting time!
(Osgood operates the controls on a console inlaid with a monitor screen. There is a strangled whine if dying circuits from the panel and wisps of smoke begin to issue forth from beneath the casing.)
SLAAR: What is happening?
OSGOOD: I'm, er...I'm afraid there has been a fault. The er, circuits overloaded. Very unfortunate.
(He tries to conceal the smirk which is making a break for his face.)
SLAAR: You have deliberately sabotaged this apparatus! Kill him!
(There is another bubbling whine of displaced air as the weapon is fired again, and a wave of force blitzes through Osgood's defenceless frame. He falls to the floor in a shroud of waxy smoke.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8, MODEL SHOT: SPACE
(From the dark side of the moon, the view switches across the empty wastes of space to that of the Earth again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9, INT: EARTH-CONTROL
(Radnor stands in the doorway of his office with his arms crossed.)
RADNOR: I thought the system was infallible?
KELLY: It won't be anything serious.
RADNOR: I'm glad you think so.
KELLY: Brent, is there any obvious damage?
BRENT: No damage reported, all links stable.
RADNOR: That's only local, surely
KELLY: It's only one stage of the checking process. Report on Intercity T-Mat breakdown.
COMPUTER: COMPLETE POWER PHASE BLANK.
KELLY: State of materialisation pulse generator?
COMPUTER: OVERLOADED IN POWER SURGE, NO DAMAGE THIS END.
KELLY: Check with Moonbase.
COMPUTER: PRIMARY VIDEO LINK DEAD.
KELLY: Cause?
COMPUTER: BEING INVESTIGATED.
RADNOR: Are you sure it isn't serious?
KELLY: My staff are running a thorough and immediate check, until I have their report I can't answer.
RADNOR: Then they'd better hurry. I want that report soon!
(He storms off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10, INT: TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM
(The tortured juddering sound of materialisation echoes around the console room, appearing to emanate from the centre column of the control console. In the surgically white roundelled room stand Jamie, Zoe and the Doctor.)
ZOE: Doctor, if we've landed, where are we?
DOCTOR: That is what I am trying to find out Zoe.
(The Doctor twists a control on the console and an image sharpens into focus on the external viewer screen mounted on the wall. The view outside is dark, but one thing can be made out, the unmistakable shape of...)
ZOE: A rocket!
JAMIE: Aye, we're just hanging in space!
DOCTOR: Well we can't be.
ZOE: Well let's try and find a star we know.
(She tries to manipulate the controls but the Doctor bats away her hand, much to her annoyance. With effort he twists the controls some more and the view revolves to a close up image of a space suit.)
DOCTOR: Ah there we are. Oh... What in heavens name?
JAMIE: Hey, what's he up to?!
ZOE: He's trying to climb aboard!
DOCTOR: Just a minute, just a minute!
(He wrestles the image back to that of the rocket.)
DOCTOR: Oh this-this control, it's urgh... There we are. Now-now that, that's an ion-jet rocket of-of the twenty-first century; but-but, this helmet if I can... There we are! Uh..
(The view shifts back to the space suit.)
DOCTOR: That's not nearly so sophisticated, it's certainly not later than 1960.
JAMIE: W-well those letters on his helmet?
ZOE: C-C-C-P.
JAMIE: ah.
DOCTOR: Oh, of course!
JAMIE: What?
DOCTOR: Er.. Just a minute. Ah-ah.
(He twists the knob a little more and an old painting, the blueprints for some kind of a mechanical device materialises on the screen, written in some kind of ancient foreign scrawl.)
DOCTOR: Yes I, yes I think that explains it!
ZOE: Oh Doctor, what is it?
DOCTOR: Mm? Well it's um, it's a flying machine. Er, designed by er, a gentleman by the name of Leonardo Da Vinci in about um, 1500, um...
JAMIE: Well what's it doing up here?
ZOE: Doctor?!
DOCTOR: Mm?
ZOE: Where are we?
JAMIE: Yeah!
DOCTOR: Mm? We're in a museum!
JAMIE: Eh?
DOCTOR: A space museum! Look! There you are, a balloon...
(A primitive hot air balloon. Next, a picture of a futuristic cross between a concorde and a spaceshuttle.)
ZOE: Oh.
DOCTOR: ...That's a Transporter.
(He swivels the view to look at the space suit again.)
DOCTOR: And, now, here those initials - they stand for Russia. That's Gagarin, the first Earth-man in space! Look! Come on, let's have a look round shall we?
(Jamie and Zoe puzzle to themselves over a picture of the moon which has the words "TRAVELMAT RELAY" printed over it. The Doctor flips a control and the huge main-doors in the corner of the room swing open. Jamie and Zoe rush out of them excitedly. The Doctor stops to grab his frock coat and scrambles after them.)
DOCTOR: Wait for me!
[SCENE_BREAK]
11, INT: SPACE MUSEUM
(Through the doors is a large chamber filled with a mass of space related paraphernalia. In one corner is an astral map, in another is a large rocket on the ground, and all around are models of various sizes. The rocket they saw on the monitor is sitting on a table against a vast decorative space backdrop.)
JAMIE: Hey, quite a place isn't it?!
DOCTOR: Oh my word.
JAMIE: Hey, look at the size of this one Doc!
DOCTOR: Yeah, my word Jamie, look at that.
ZOE: Oh Doctor look!
DOCTOR: Very large.
ZOE: Doctor, look!
JAMIE OOV: Hey, look at that!
(The Doctor looks at the cosmonaut's suit then turns to the model of the ion-jet rocket, reaching out and touching it lovingly. Zoe leans on a nearby control panel, she is spoilt for choice, not knowing which button to push first.)
DOCTOR: Now, I tell you, Zoe!
(There is a double chime and behind Zoe a long screen unfolds. Jamie spins around and puts a protective arm around Zoe, but she just gazes at the screen.)
JAMIE: Oh, what's that?!
(A voice from, a hidden speaker narrates as pictures flood across the screen.)
NARRATOR: Travel-Mat is the ultimate form of travel. Control centre of the present system is the moon, serving receptions at all major cities on the Earth. Travel-Mat provides an instantaneous means of public travel, transports raw materials and essential food supplies to all parts of the world.
JAMIE: Travel-Mat? It sounds like a flying carpet!
(Zoe laughs with him, but the Doctor holds up a hand.)
DOCTOR: Ssh! Shush Jamie, I'm trying to listen!
NARRATOR: Travel-Mat supersedes all conventional methods of transport. Using the principle of dematerialisation at the point of departure, and rematerialisation at the point of arrival in special cubicles, departure and arrival are almost instantaneous.
ZOE: Faster than light!
NARRATOR: Although the system is still it its early stages it completely automated, and foolproof against power failure.
JAMIE: Aye, well we have our own system thank you, only it isn't foolproof!
ZOE: Right!
(They laugh with each other again like a pair of children sharing a highly original joke for the first time. The screen retracts again.)
DOCTOR: Jamie, I think that that is just a tiny bit...
(He feels he is being watched so he turns and stares straight into the barrel of some kind of ray gun. Wearily he raises his hands in the manner he has become so accustomed to, and Jamie and Zoe follow suit.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12, INT: MOONBASE-CONTROL
(In the main control room the mysterious invader Slaar is attempting to coerce an extremely frightened Fewsham to do his bidding as the other technicians look on from across the room.)
SLAAR: You saw what happened to your superior. You would do well to co-operate.
FEWSHAM: Killing him didn't do you any good!
SLAAR: But you will do as I ask.
FEWSHAM: There is nothing I can do!
SLAAR: You do not want to die?
FEWSHAM: Look, I'm not that good enough a technician. It needs an expert.
SLAAR: But you are second in command here.
FEWSHAM: Yes, but...
SLAAR: Then you must have certain abilities, you must know what needs to be done!
FEWSHAM: In theory, yes...
SLAAR: Then you will do it.
PHIPPS: He'll only make it worse!
SLAAR: What is their status here?
FEWSHAM: Maintenance. Second class technicians.
LOCKE: There's only one person who can really put things to rights and she's back at Earth Control. Without her it just can't be done!
SLAAR: Who is this specialist?
FEWSHAM: Miss Kelly, technical co-ordinator. But there's no way to reach her, T-Mat's not working!
SLAAR: But you have a video link!
FEWSHAM: Yes but...Osgood wrecked that too.
SLAAR: So, there is no means to communicate with Earth.
PHIPPS: No, you've cut us off completely!
SLAAR: In that case you are useless. You will all be destroyed.
FEWSHAM: No...there's the emergency T-Mat link! It only operates from here to Earth.
SLAAR: Then you will activate the apparatus. At once.
FEWSHAM: It's damaged too!
SLAAR: The technicians will help you repair it.
PHIPPS: We won't help you, neither will he.
SLAAR: Then he will die.
(Fewsham looks fearfully at the invader.)
SLAAR: You will start work at once. There will be a guard at the door. When I return you will have the T-mat link ready for operation.
(The invader strides out of the room.)
PHIPPS: Don't be such a fool Fewsham, if we repair the emergency link then these creatures can travel to Earth!
FEWSHAM: What about us?
PHIPPS: Do you think that will make any difference in the end? As soon as he gets what he wants, well, we'll mean nothing to him!
FEWSHAM: And if we co-operate with them, at least there's a chance!
PHIPPS: Osgood didn't take it!
FEWSHAM: You saw! Do you think I want to die like that? I wanna live!
[SCENE_BREAK]
13, INT: EARTH-CONTROL
KELLY: Brent is there anything at all, any trace of a reason?
BRENT: Every link has been double-checked. This end is functioning normally.
KELLY: Then it must be Moonbase!
BRENT: We've no way of checking their apparatus from this end, and they don't answer our call.
KELLY: Where's Commander Radnor?
BRENT: Not back from the Intercity Council yet.
KELLY: He'll expect a full report.
BRENT: Well there it is, we've even checked the computer.
(He hands her a stack of papers and walks away. Radnor appears in the doorway behind Miss Kelly.)
RADNOR: Have you located the cause of the breakdown?
KELLY: This end is completely clear.
RADNOR: That isn't what I want to know.
KELLY: We cannot trace the fault.
(She tries to walk off, but Radnor stops her.)
RADNOR: MISS KELLY! I have senior government officials hounding me. They expect a more informative answer and so do I.
KELLY: There isn't one, the trouble is at Moonbase.
RADNOR: Why can't you deal with it?
KELLY: We can't get there!
BRENT: We can't even talk to them!
RADNOR: Do you mean to tell me that there's no other way of contacting them?
BRENT: No.
KELLY: Only by rocket.
(She smirks in a patronising manner as if she had just made an extremely funny joke, and Brent laughs. But Radnor seems to have had a sudden flash of an idea at this comment.)
RADNOR: That could be our only answer!
BRENT: But... The only place you'd find a rocket is... In a museum.
RADNOR: Exactly.
KELLY: And even if there was one that was operational, there's no-one that could control such a project.
RADNOR: You're wrong. There is just one man, one man alone who can help us now!
(He looks triumphant, his conference having brought about a decisive course of action on the situation at last.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14, INT: SPACE MUSEUM
(The elderly, portly figure of Professor Eldred, the owner of the museum is harshly quizzing the travellers at gunpoint.)
ELDRED: For the last time, who are you and what are you doing in my private workshop?
DOCTOR: Now-now just listen, there-there really is no need for all these, these-these histrionics! Ah... We are perfectly harmless.
ELDRED: How did you even get in here?
DOCTOR: Oh well, the usual way, we-we just materialised.
ELDRED: The T-Mat cubicle always gives automatic warnings - but it didn't this time!
ZOE: Well that's not our fault, is it?
ELDRED: Why did you come?
DOCTOR: Well this is a museum.
ELDRED: Well the museum is...
(He notices the TARDIS for the first time.)
ELDRED: Well what on Earth's that? It-it's a twentieth-century Police-Box isn't it?
DOCTOR: Well, yes, in a way.
ELDRED: Well how did a thing like that get in my museum!
ZOE: Oh well, you could say it's a form of space ship.
DOCTOR: Er, Zoe, I think we do owe this gentleman an apology. We really are most interested in the museum, Mr um?
ELDRED: Eldred, Professor Eldred. Look the museum is closed to the general public. You've obviously made a mistake, perhaps you'd be good enough to leave?
JAMIE: Er, are you in charge of this place?
ELDRED: I own it, that is why I have the right to ask you to leave!
DOCTOR: Yes but there's no need to threaten us you know!
ELDRED: Trespassers are not welcome. Will you please GO?!
ZOE: We're not trespassers, we're very interested.
ELDRED: Interested? In Professor Eldred and his antiquated machines? Come for a good laugh I suppose like the rest of them!
DOCTOR: Laugh? What d'you mean people laugh at all this? Why, it's a magnificent exhibition!
ELDRED: We've had enough souvenir hunters too!
JAMIE: Ah, now we're not thieves you know!
DOCTOR: No of course not, we haven't come here to take anything. We-we genuinely are interested in space travel!
(He moves the large model of the ion-jet rocket to get a better look at it.)
DOCTOR: Why, especially a thing like this - this is superb!
ELDRED: Yes, magnificent. It was to have been the vehicle to take man beyond the moon. T-Mat put a stop to all that.
DOCTOR: What, you mean this model's been abandoned? But it's speed and stability concept alone, it's a tremendous advance in rocket design!
ELDRED: Exactly! Exactly! Here-here...let me show it to you, let me show it to you!
(The three breathe a silent, communal sigh of relief as he places down his weapon and rushes over to where the Doctor is to give him a lecture on the main love in his life.)
DOCTOR: I'll give you an hand, here we are.
(Together the Doctor and Eldred move the ion-jet rocket down to another table.)
DOCTOR: Oh yes this is superb, my word...
ELDRED: And the secret, the real breakthrough, was a compact generator of enormous power!
DOCTOR: I see, and these must be the secondary-electrode accelerators.
ELDRED: Yes. You see it beat the, er, the, er, problem of the neutron-caesiam ions - and incidentally magnified the G-Thrust to fantastic proportions!
DOCTOR: Well that was awkward, what did you do about that?
ELDRED: Well, I'll-I'll show you. Come with me, I'll show you.
(The Doctor and Eldred walk off across the room to study design schematics like a couple of old schoolfriends.)
DOCTOR: What have we go here, ah blueprints!
JAMIE: Look at them, like a couple of kids!
ZOE: Yeah, you can tell he's almost in love with that rocket!
(From across the room Eldred has heard Zoe's comment.)
JAMIE: Ssh ssh!
ELDRED: That's not surprising - I designed it. I've been in rocketry all my life. My father engineered the first lunar passenger module, and I travelled back on the last trip back to Earth. Before it all finished.
ZOE: Before all what finished?
ELDRED: Space travel.
ZOE: But if the rocket was so good, why stop at the moon?
JAMIE: Aye, why end there?
ELDRED: Because of T-Mat. T-Mat the ultimate in travel. With about as much sense of adventure as a-a synthetic carbohydrates factory!
DOCTOR: But-but surely rockets would still be useful as an auxiliary means of transport wouldn't they? Besides, how would man get beyond the moon?
ELDRED: Nobody cares anymore about exploring space! Life made...well it was made too easy by T-Mat.
DOCTOR: I see, so you lost government backing?
ELDRED: The project was abandoned, except by me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
15, INT: MOONBASE-CONTROL
(Fewsham is trying to get Phipps and Lock to help him repair the T-Mat, but they seem be standing reluctantly by.)
FEWSHAM: You've gotta help me! If we don't repair it we'll all be killed!
PHIPPS: Maybe we could repair it and T-Mat back to London?
FEWSHAM: With that thing guarding the door? I'm going to keep on trying!
(Fewsham moves to go, but Locke grabs him by the arm.)
LOCKE: Maybe there is something we can do...
PHIPPS: What?
FEWSHAM: Alan are you serious?
(Locke moves to the console.)
FEWSHAM: What are you doing?
LOCKE: The video link with Earth. Yes it's not so badly damaged as the T-Mat.
FEWSHAM: We were told to repair the T-Mat link, not the video!
PHIPPS: Let's have a look. We can't just give ourselves up. Maybe we can get a message through by video?
FEWSHAM: Look, the guard will see what we're doing, he'll kill us!
(Locks looks sternly at Fewsham.)
LOCKE: You play your game, we'll play ours.
[SCENE_BREAK]
16, INT: SPACE MUSEUM
ELDRED: No more money, no more facilities. A life's work abandoned just like that! All because of T-Mat.
DOCTOR: Well I can understand your bitterness. Very short-sighted of the government to put all their eggs in one basket.
ELDRED: Mm. You, er, still haven't told me who you are and what you're doing here.
(An electronic chime begins to echo through the room.)
DOCTOR: Well...
ELDRED: That...that's the main-door alarm! What's going on?
(Radnor and Kelly stride through the door. Radnor walks up to Eldred and shakes him by the hand.)
RADNOR: Professor Daniel Eldred, well well well.
(He laughs pleasantly.)
ELDRED: Radnor! Come to see how your spies are getting on?
RADNOR: Pardon?
(He turns to the Doctor.)
RADNOR: I'm Sorry, I don't think we've met. My name's Radnor, this is Miss Kelly.
DOCTOR: Oh, ah, how do you do. Er, this is Zoe, Jamie and I'm the Doctor.
ZOE: Hello
JAMIE: Hello
ELDRED: Oh Radnor, don't pretend that you don't know them!
RADNOR: I can assure you I've never met them before in my life.
(The Doctor mouths "come on!" and the travellers slink off while Eldred and Radnor are arguing.)
ELDRED: I see, I find three strangers prowling around my museum, and by the merest co-incidence you turn up on their very heels!
RADNOR: I can assure you I merely wanted a chat with a very old friend.
ELDRED: Why, you've done without a chat for a good many years.
RADNOR: Old times, friendships don't die.
ELDRED: Our friendship died the day that you walked out of my laboratory and joined the government administration on T-Mat!
RADNOR: Different men, different careers, Daniel.
ELDRED: Yeees, but you happened to know which career was going to be financed by government funds!
RADNOR: But you could have come over with us, we asked you to join us.
ELDRED: Yes, and worked as Miss Kelly's assistant perhaps?
KELLY: You know I respect your work Professor Eldred. We would have welcomed you on T-Mat.
ELDRED: I prefer rockets, obsolete as they are.
RADNOR: Not so obsolete as all that Daniel, eh?
ELDRED: What?
(He moves the model of the ion-jet rocket as he examines it.)
RADNOR: We don't miss very much, you know.
ELDRED: So you've been spying on me!
RADNOR: Oh no-no-no-no-no. We stopped that a long time ago.
ELDRED: I should think so, what's wrong with running a private museum?
RADNOR: Nothing. But you're doing rather more than that, aren't you, Daniel?
ELDRED: Alright, what if I am? It's a free country isn't it? What's wrong with having a-a hobby?
RADNOR: Rather more than a hobby. Preparing an ion rocket for an unauthorised journey into space!
ELDRED: Alright, so you know...
(Radnor nods.)
RADNOR: Uh.
ELDRED: What do you intend to do?
RADNOR: My dear fellow, help you of course.
ELDRED: What?!
RADNOR: You can make your trip with full government backing - as long as it's to the moon.
ELDRED: Why the moon?
(Radnor opens his mouth to reply, but Kelly beats him to it.)
KELLY: There's a minor fault developed at T-Mat control, at Moonbase.
RADNOR: And we have to put it right quickly!
ELDRED: I thought T-Mat was infallible!
KELLY: It will be eventually, however we have no way of reaching the moon.
ELDRED: Except by out of date rocket! Oh that's perfect, ha-ha! So you need me after all!
RADNOR: I thought you'd be taken with the idea, Daniel. And a large sum of government funds wouldn't come amiss would they? Now, how soon can you be ready to...
(He tries to remember the correct terminology.)
RADNOR: ..."Blast off." Well come on man, it's urgent! Can you give me an approximate ETD?
ELDRED: I could.
RADNOR: Good!
ELDRED: But I won't!
RADNOR: Why?! There are no strings!
ELDRED: I don't have to give you reasons. I'm just telling you that I REFUSE!
[SCENE_BREAK]
17, INT: MOONBASE-CONTROL
(Locke finishes wiring in a final connection into a lash-up of components that is sitting on the console.)
LOCKE: Right, that should do it.
PHIPPS: I'll switch on the power.
FEWSHAM: You fools! When they find out we'll all be killed!
(Locke turns on the video-link and faces it.)
LOCKE: Moonbase to T-Mat reception Earth, Moonbase to Earth. Emergency, emergency...
[SCENE_BREAK]
18, INT: SPACE MUSEUM
RADNOR: You CAN'T REFUSE MAN! There's more at stake than an out of date rocket programme!
(Eldred's video link bleeps.)
COMPUTER: COMMANDER RADNOR.
(Radnor looks up at the screen.)
RADNOR: Radnor. What is it?
COMPUTER: EMERGENCY MESSAGE FROM MOONBASE. SWITCHING THROUGH NOW.
LOCKE: Commander Radnor, Miss Kelly. We are in desperate trouble. Osgood is dead and we're...
(The video link goes blank.)
RADNOR: Locke, Locke!
(Radnor looks up at the screen helplessly.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19, INT: MOONBASE-CONTROL
(large green claw grips the lash up and pulls it off the control panel. It smashes into fragments on the floor. They all wheel around and see the armour-plated head of the invader; a scaly, Martian Ice-Lord. It has a thin body and limbs compared to the others, with a smooth rounded green uniform instead of a shell. It's hands are large, clamp-shaped claws with a small tubular sonic weapon grafted onto it's wrist. From the round helmet two blank and emotionless, electronically-enhanced eyes glare out, beneath which a scaly chin with razor-sharp teeth sneers. The whole creature has the air of an mechanically augmented half-reptile, half-machine.)
SLAAR: Guard!
(Through the doorway lumbers a huge green reptilian biped, it's body and limbs protected by thick green shell, and the joints in the armour sprout black tufts of hair.. It's head consists of a green helmet made of the same bumpy shell as it's body. It's hands are two large clamps, one armed with a same silver weapon as it's Lord. It is unmistakably an Ice-Warrior.)
SLAAR: Kill him!
(The warrior aims it's weapon at Locke, and it flashes brightly. There is a high-pitched squeal of rending air and a force wave devours Locke. His lifeless body slumps to the floor like a marionette that has had it's strings cut. Phipps looks on in horror...) | Plan: A: 21st century; Q: In what century is Earth entirely dependent on the T-Mat transport system? A: the control centre; Q: What has stopped working on the moon? A: the crisis; Q: What does the Doctor, Jamie and Zoe meet the one man who can solve? Summary: 21st century Earth is entirely dependent on the T-Mat transport system but the control centre on the moon has stopped functioning. Meanwhile, the Doctor, Jamie and Zoe meet the one man who can solve the crisis. |
[Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson and Joey are sitting on his bed watching the first movie he made with her "The Sea Creature form the Deep".]
Dawson: You know, this sucks a lot more than I remembered it.
Joey: Dawson, need I remind you that sea creature from the deep won the jurors prize in the junior division at the Boston film festival, for which you were rewarded the princely sum of $2,500.
Dawson: Yeah, right. Which I then proceeded to waste on my next endeavor, which was entitled-- what was it called again? Ah, that's right. Self-indulgent piece of crap.
Joey: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Dawson: Seriously, though, Jo. How did we get here? I mean, it... it feels like one second we're sitting here watching E.T., Wondering what 10th grade is gonna be like, and the next... we're leaving for college.
Joey: Well, some of us are going sooner than others. I mean, I have the entire summer to process my crippling anxiety, but, uh, you on the other hand--
Dawson: Day after tomorrow. My college career begins the day after tomorrow. You know, I'm starting to think this whole summer program was not such a good idea.
Joey: Dawson, you have to focus on the good. I mean, you got in, and not only do they want you, but they want you early. That's huge. You might want to consider packing, however.
Dawson: When you're in the kind of denial I'm in right now, there's just no room for packing.
Joey: Ok.
[They see the scene where the creature pulls Joey off the dock into the water.]
Dawson: Have you heard from him?
Joey: No. The sea creature from the deep remains incommunicado.
Dawson: I'm sorry. I'm sure once he's ready, he'll call or write-- or something.
Joey: I don't know. Do you ever feel utterly incapable of sustaining a relationship?
Dawson: I think I'm in touch with that emotion.
Joey: I guess it's another in a seemingly endless string of life lessons. Never get involved with a monster from beneath the sea, no matter how charming. It's...just not gonna work.
Dawson: I have to say that despite our mutual misery, I've had a pretty decent time hanging out with you lately.
Joey: Me, too.
Dawson: I wish it didn't have to end.
Joey: Well, everything comes to an end, Dawson.
Dawson: Thank you, Sylvia Plath. I just wish it didn't, is all. Let's, uh...
[He hit a button on the remote]
[Opening credits]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The Ruins. Joey, Dawson, Jack and Jen are all lying down on the steps, and just relaxing and enjoying their time together.]
Joey: I got the German flu.
Dawson: The German flu?
Joey: My aunt brought it over.
Dawson: Really?
Joey: In the meantime, the movie's kind of... you know, black and white...
Jen: Shouldn't we all be looking for, like, summer jobs or something?
Joey: Uh, some of us already have those.
Dawson: Yeah. Is it just me, or does that yacht club uniform keep getting sexier and sexier?
Joey: Bite me.
Dawson: Ha ha ha. You guys know there's always work down at Leery's Fresh Fish.
All: We know.
Jack: Look. I got one. Yeah, I got one. You ready?
Dawson: Ok.
Jack: Would you rather work 2 straight shifts at the fresh fish house, completely naked, or have s*x once with Principal Peskin?
[Jen and Joey groan]
Jen: You got a better one, let me know.
Joey: Ok, I got one. s*x with Peskin, or having to spend your entire freshmen year living with a roommate who smells really, really bad.
Jen: Like, uh, like earth-hippie sworn-off-deodorant bad?
Joey: No, like French-foreign-exchange student bad.
Jack: Is he cute?
Jen: Jack.
Jack: Kidding. I'm kidding.
Dawson: I got it. I got it. Ha ha. I've got a "would you rather" so brilliant in its perversity
Joey: Oh, this better be good.
Jen: Yeah. You know what? I wouldn't preface your supposed brainstorms with the word "brilliant." I mean, it's just setting you up for failure.
Jack: Will you two harridans let the man speak, please?
Dawson: Thank you. Ok. Would you rather have s*x with Peskin or watch Peskin have s*x with grams?
Jen: Ok, ok, ok, ok. First of all, grams would never have s*x with Peskin. And second of all, you win. That's disgusting.
Dawson: Mission accomplished. I now leave town the reigning "would you rather" gross-out champion. You guys know what time it is?
Jack: Yeah. It's, uh... it's almost 6:00.
Dawson: Shoot. Supposed to meet my dad like half an hour ago.
Jen: Wait. Are you still on for the movies tonight?
Dawson: Uh, yeah. Meet at my house at 7:00.
Joey: Bye.
Jen: Bye.
Jack: See ya.
Dawson: See ya later.
[Scene: The Computer Store. Mitch and Dawson are looking at the laptop computers on display.]
Mitch: This baby does it all, Dawson. 850 megahertz, P3 processor, 128 megabytes of ram, 32-gig hard drive, DVD, 56k modem. What more could you want?
Dawson: I don't know. A Mac, maybe?
Mitch: What?
Dawson: It's become obvious to me that in life you're either a Mac person or a pc person, and the choice defines you. Let me put it to you this way: Beatles or Elvis?
Mitch: Beatles.
Dawson: See? Exactly. This is no different.
Mitch: Dawson, I've done all the research. The T21 is by far the best buy, and that's what we're getting.
Dawson: Yeah, well, in that case, I'd just prefer you didn't get me a laptop.
Mitch: You need a laptop for school, Dawson. I am getting you a laptop.
Dawson: Ok, dad, I appreciate you wanting to do this for me, but it's not fair if you only want to do it on your own terms.
Mitch: Not fair. A father wants to spend thousands of dollars on his son, and somehow it's not fair.
Dawson: Why would you want to spend thousands of dollars on something I don't even want?
Mitch: Because it's something you need. Look, it's practical. It's functional. It'll last you for years.
Dawson: And it's not what I want.
[Salesman walks up]
Salesman: Can I help you?
Mitch: Yes, we'll take the T21.
Salesman: Ah, excellent choice. I'll bring that right out.
[Scene: Grams' house. Jen and Jack walk in and Jack opens the Refrigerator to see that it is empty.]
Jack: Whoa.
Jen: [Sighs] We shouldn't have left her alone for an hour. That woman is an unstoppable cleaning machine.
Grams: Ooh, good. You're back. I'm just about to head out myself. One last potluck at the ladies auxiliary.
[Jack notices a pot on the stove and samples what is in it when Grams stops him.]
Grams: Ah, ah, ah.
Jack: Sorry.
Grams: I assume you two have eaten your usual quota of junk food.
Jen: Obviously. You've done quite a number on that fridge.
Grams: There's no point in leaving things for the last minute.
Jen: Yeah, but the movers don't come till tomorrow.
Grams: 8 A.M., Bright and early, which means someone has her work cut out for her with that room of hers. Especially if she still plans to go to the movies tonight with Dawson.
Jen: Oh, I get it. Ok, this cheerful disposition is just a passive-aggressive attempt to get me to stay home tonight, isn't it? Which, by the way, I gladly will.
Grams: Oh, don't be silly, dear. It's Dawson's last night. You go out. Have fun.
Jen: I know, but... I mean it is our last night in this house. Maybe we should do something... special, like commemorate the occasion.
Grams: Our last night in this rickety old house with no pictures on the wall, no food in the fridge? Honestly, Jennifer, there's no point in being sentimental about these things. All right. I'll tell you what. You'll come home tonight, we'll have tea.
Jen: You packed the kettle.
Grams: Don't forget to wear a sweater. It's supposed to be chilly tonight.
[Scene: Outside the Leery House. Dawson and Mitch get out of the car after returning for the store, and Mitch is carrying the box carrying the laptop.]
Mitch: Ahh. Let's get this baby set up.
[Dawson sees his mother and Joey out in the yard talking.]
Dawson: Later, dad. [He walks up to Joey] Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Dawson: Are you a sight for sore eyes. You ready to go?
Joey: Yes.
Mitch: Well, where you going?
Dawson: I'm going to the movies with Jack and Jen. I'll be back later.
Mitch: Dawson, it's your last night at home.
Dawson: And?
Mitch: I thought we'd spend it together as a family.
Dawson: And I thought I would spend some time with my friends.
Mitch: Listen, I don't want to embarrass anybody here. I'm sorry, Joey, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd stay for dinner.
Gale: Mitch.
Dawson: Dad, I'll be home later.
Mitch: Well, let me understand this. You would rather go to the movies than spend what little time you have left with myself, your mother, and your little baby sister?
Dawson: That's not what I said, dad. What is so criminal about wanting to hang out with my friends?
Mitch: You've been hanging out with your friends all month.
Dawson: What is going on with you?
Mitch: Nothing. I'm just trying to figure out when my son became so insensitive.
Dawson: Probably about the same time you became so overbearing.
Mitch: [Laughing] You'll stay for dinner, then.
Dawson: No.
Mitch: No?
Dawson: No, dad. Look, I'm stressed out enough about moving 3,000 miles away without having to worry about how I'm letting you down, ok? I'm gonna go to the movies, I'll be back later, and I'm not gonna feel guilty about wanting to spend some portion of my last night here with the few people who mean the world to me. Is that ok?
Mitch: Do what you want.
[Mitch goes inside and Dawson turns to his mother.]
Dawson: Mom?
Gale: Honey, go. Have a good time.
Joey: Dawson, we don't have to go.
Dawson: No, let's get out of here. Come on.
[Scene: The Dean's Boat. Pacey is working on the deck when one of the crew walks up to him.]
Guy: [Jamaican accent] Yo, Witter. You got a problem with paradise, man?
Pacey: Not so much, no.
Guy: Then take a break. You're makin' me tired.
Pacey: Hey, what do you think the chances are I could find a phone here in paradise, 'cause I got a call I need to make.
[The guy hands Pacey a cell phone.]
Guy: Here, boy. You try that, bro.
Pacey: Ah, thanks.
Guy: Then when you're done, you meet me down at the bar. We'll have some drinks.
Pacey: All right, then.
[He makes a call but the phone just rings on the other end.]
Pacey: [Sighs]
[Scene: Along the waterfront. Jack and Dawson are walking down the boardwalk talking to each other.]
Jack: Ah... [Sighs] Can't believe you're leaving tomorrow, man.
Dawson: Tell me about it.
Jack: L.A. Is a galaxy far, far away.
Dawson: Yet only 5 hours away by plane.
Jack: Nervous?
Dawson: Yeah, nervous. I'm excited, I'M...I'm exhilarated, I'm depressed. That pretty much sums it up.
Jack: Are you sure you don't want to stick around? You could be painting Mrs. Hammacott's house this summer.
Dawson: Ha ha. Oh, god. Do it with Joey. I'm sure she'll jump at the chance to free herself from the clutches of Cruella DeValentine.
Jack: Yeah. Yeah, she's really gonna miss you, Dawson.
Dawson: Yeah, she's got plenty on her mind. Infiltrating the ivy leagues... the whole devastating break-up thing.
Jack: Come on, man. I know, that's all true, but you and Joey saying good-bye, that's a fairly colossal event.
Dawson: Why is everybody so determined to shake me out my cozy little cocoon of denial?
Jack: Because if you don't at least acknowledge the hugeness of this moment, you are gonna wake up in some cold sweat in some USC dorm room one night, and you're just gonna have one more thing to add to your list of lifelong regrets.
Dawson: Could you do me a favor?
Jack: Yeah, anything.
Dawson: Don't sit next to me at the movies tonight, man. You're bummin' me out.
Jack: Come on, man. You can't tell me you haven't at least thought about it.
Dawson: What?
Jack: What? The opportunity to spend the entire summer with her.
Dawson: Of course I've thought about it. I've thought about it so much it makes me mad because I don't understand why I can't stop thinking about it. [Sighs] I fell in love with somebody else this year. Do you have any idea how significant that is for me? I mean... so why can't I stop thinking about her?
[Scene: Outside the theater. Jen and Joey are walking towards the ticket counter talking to one another.]
Jen: You gonna miss him?
Joey: Aren't you?
Jen: Yeah, but that's different.
Joey: How's it different?
Jen: 'Cause I had all last summer to get sick of Dawson and his quirks, his foibles. All those annoying little things that he does that make you just want to throw him into the creek.
Joey: He is rather annoying, isn't he?
Jen: Oh, god, yeah.
Joey: I mean, the way he makes you sit through all of the credits at the end of a movie.
Jen: Ha! Out of respect for the filmmaker, of course.
Joey: And the incessant picture-taking and crushing self-analysis.
Jen: Not to mention that thing he does where he puts you up on a pedestal and makes you the center of his universe. God. .If you asked him to stay, he would.
Joey: What? Give up the movie-making chance of a lifetime just so he can bum around Capeside for another summer?
Jen: Ha ha ha. I don't think he'd see it as such a bad trade-off.
Joey: What makes you think that I want him to stay?
Jen: You really want to know?
Joey: Yeah.
Jen: It's this little voice inside my head that says "I like your hair color. What number is that?"
Joey: You still hate me, don't you?
Jen: No, I don't hate you.
Joey: I mean, I don't get it, Jen. I mean, how am I supposed to feel about this? Am I supposed to feel good knowing that I have the power to change somebody's life?
Jen: I don't know. I mean, I think that we all have the power to change each other's lives. The questions is... are you going to use it?
[Jen turns to the ticket counter.]
Jen: Hi. 4, please.
[Jack and Dawson come walking up]
Dawson: What were you girls talking about?
Jen: Oh, you know...
Joey: Um...
Jen: Hair, makeup, world peace. Usual girl stuff.
[Jen hands out the tickets to everyone.]
Jen: There you go.
Dawson: Thank you.
Jack: Thanks.
Jen: Here you go. All right.
[They all go into the theater. American Graffiti is playing.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Outside the Theater. They all walk out of the theater, and stop and stand around uncomfortably.]
Dawson: [Sighs] So, who's hungry?
Jen: Well, I should go home and check on grams. I feel kind of guilty about leaving her. But if, you know, if you guys want to go eat, actually food food is good.
Jack: I could eat.
Dawson: Actually, you know what? I haven't packed yet. I still have to do that tonight. Unless we just want to
Jen: Yeah. I mean, why don't you guys go ahead. I'm sure you've got a lot to talk about. And Jack and I will just walk.
Jack: I could walk.
Joey: Oh. Yeah, whatever. It's not like my evening will be incomplete without greasy diner food, so...
Jack: Ok. So what did we just decide?
Joey: Uh, um... I guess we decided to go home.
Dawson: Great. Home. Uh, who's first?
Jen: Well, I live next door.
Jack: Uh, my car's at her house.
Joey: [Clears throat] Guess I'm first.
[Scene: The Leery Living room. Gale and Mitch are going through some pictures of Lilly.]
Gale: Ok, which one do you like better? Lily looking adorable in her bassinet with her pink bow, or lily looking adorable in her bassinet with her yellow bow? Oh, and then of course we have this one of her looking adorable with Dawson.
Mitch: Hmm. They got the same Leery eyes, don't they?
Gale: Mm-hmm. Self-aware with hidden depth.
Mitch: Same Leery cheekbones.
Gale: Camera loves them.
Mitch: Same heartthrob smile. Which is probably hiding a stubborn streak 10 miles long. What do you say the odds are, 18 years from now, Lily might actually have the good sense to listen to her father before she heads off to college? She might want to spend some time with her family before facing the great unknown. Mm. It's a big step, going away. And it isn't always easy.
ale: And neither is getting left behind. And not being needed anymore.
Mitch: Excuse me?
Gale: That big stand you took earlier?
Mitch: That desperate plea for family togetherness?
Gale: Obviously the last gasp of a dying dictatorship.
Mitch: Oh, funny word, dictatorship. You're blaming me.
Gale: No. I'm not blaming anybody.
Mitch: Yes, you are. You're blaming me.
Gale: No. I just think that certain people, when they're feeling insecure about the future, would rather pick a fight and stomp around in the front yard than face the fact that they are feeling insecure about the future. Oh, did I happen to mention that those people are usually men?
Mitch: Why would I be feeling insecure about the future? I'm not the one whose life is about to change.
Gale: I think we may have just discovered where our son gets his talent for denial.
[Scene: The Potter B&B. Dawson pulls the jeep up to the B&B, and everyone just sits quiet and looking at one another uncomfortably.]
Jack: Well, uh, later, Joey.
Jen: Hey, call me tomorrow, ok?
Joey: Ok. So I guess this is it, right?
Dawson: Uh, yeah. Let me walk you to the...
Joey: Great.
[Joey and Dawson walk up to the porch.]
Joey: Well, I had a really nice time tonight.
Dawson: Yeah. Me, too.
Joey: It's comforting, you know?
Dawson: What's that?
Joey: Well, seeing a movie that you've seen before.
Dawson: Yeah. You don't have to waste any creative energy trying to figure out how it's gonna end.
Joey: It's gonna be weird, isn't it?
Dawson: What?
Joey: Next year. I mean, me in Boston. You in Los Angeles.
Dawson: Yeah.
Joey: Well, you're gonna having celebrity sightings left and right, you know.
Dawson: Ha ha ha. I don't think L.A. Really works that way.
Joey: Sure it does. One day, you're gonna turn around in line in some overpriced organic food store, or you'll be in a movie line at some mall, because there are tons of malls in L.A., And you will see him, Dawson.
Dawson: Who?
Joey: Spielberg.
Dawson: I'm actually in more of a Soderbergh phase right now.
Joey: Regardless. What would you say to him if you saw him?
Dawson: Spielberg?
Joey: Yeah.
Dawson: I'd--I...I don't know.
Joey: Dawson, come on. I mean, this is the guy who shaped your entire world view, who eased all of your childhood traumas, and who made growing up just a bit more bearable.
Dawson: Um... in that case, I guess I'd just have to... say thank you.
Joey: Doesn't quite seem like enough, does it?
Dawson: No, it doesn't.
Joey: So I guess see you at Thanksgiving.
Dawson: Actually, uh, my parents had talked about bringing Lily out to L.A. So... oh. Um...
Joey: Well, then Christmas.
Dawson: Yeah, Christmas. Definitely. Definitely. Yeah.
[The uncomfortable situation gets worse when neither knows what to do]
Joey: Well, good luck.
Dawson: Hey, you, too.
Joey: See you, Dawson.
[They look uncomfortable about what to do next, and then Joey turns and goes inside.]
Dawson: [Sighs]
[Dawson turns to go back up to the door, but the porch light turns off and he turns and walks back down the porch.]
Dawson: [Mumbling] See you, Joey.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The Leery Jeep. Dawson pulls up to his and Jen's Place and they all get out of the jeep.]
Jack: We can't afford to well, should we give it to him now?
Jen: Now's good.
Jack: All right.
Dawson: What?
[Jack reached into his car and pulls out a cell phone and hands it to Dawson.]
Jack: Ha ha ha.
Dawson: You didn't?
Jen: Well, we figured that you should have one in L.A.
Jack: It was either that or a BMW.
Dawson: You guys, this-- you didn't have to do this. This is too much.
Jack: Don't get too excited. We can only afford, like, what, 5 minutes of air time?
Dawson: This is great. Thank you.
Jack: Sure.
Jen: Ok, you guys. Get it over with. Hug.
All: Ha ha ha.
Dawson: Come here.
Jack: All right, man. Heh. Have fun in L.A., All right? Stay cool.
Dawson: I'll do my best.
Jack: Shouldn't be too difficult.
Dawson: Heh. Why? 'Cause I was never really cool to begin with?
Jack: You said it, not me.
Dawson: Ha ha ha.
Jack: All right. I'll see you guys.
[Jack turns and hops into his car]
Jen: See ya.
Dawson: Bye.
[Jack drives off.]
Jen: Well, I guess geography is destiny, huh? Here you are, stuck with me at the end of your very last night in Capeside.
Dawson: I wouldn't say "stuck" at all. I think... I think this whole next-door neighbor thing worked out for the best.
Jen: Yeah? How so?
Dawson: Joey and Pacey and I grew up in mortal terror of this house, especially around Halloween. Every time grams came out to sweep her porch, I think we half-expected her to hop on her broomstick and fly away.
Jen: Ha ha. Sounds like her.
Dawson: Ha ha. Pacey once offered Joey I think a whole dollar just to run up and touch the front door.
Jen: Ha ha. Did she do it?
Dawson: No, are you kidding? She's still afraid of your grandmother.
Jen: I guess that makes me the Boo Radley of this scenario, huh?
Dawson: Exactly. Except beautiful and with breasts.
Jen: Wit. We like that around here.
Dawson: [Sighs]
Jen: [Sighs] Come here. [They hug] Mm. Ok. Go. Get the hell out of here. Walk across that lawn, have a great life, and don't ever call me again.
Dawson: What? So I can confirm your worst fears about men?
Jen: Yes, exactly. Oh, wait, I forgot. We never slept together.
Dawson: You got 5 minutes?
Jen: For you? Always.
[Door opens]
Gram: I'm sorry. I--I didn't mean to interrupt.
Jen: Uh... uh, Grams, it's fine. It--it-- I think we're all done here?
Dawson: Doomed to be friends forever.
[They hug again]
Jen: Mm. Sucks, doesn't it?
[Dawson turns and walks back to his house, while Jen watches him go.]
[Scene: Dawson's Kitchen. Dawson walks in to see a new Apply Mac Titanium Laptop sitting open on the table. He walks over to it and Mitch walks into the kitchen.]
Mitch: Not the most practical choice, mind you, but I gotta admit, it sure as hell looks cool.
Dawson: Cooler than the T21?
Mitch: Hardly. But, hey, to each his own. You know, it's funny. I knew I'd be sad to see you go. What I didn't expect was this feeling of not wanting you to go. Son or not, Dawson... you are one of my favorite people.
[Dawson hugs him]
Mitch: Ok. All right. Ahem.
[Dawson breaks the hug and sits down at the table, and Mitch does too.]
Mitch: Let me see. Have I covered everything? Um... you know not to have s*x without a condom, right?
Dawson: Aw, dad, please. I was the only kid in kindergarten who knew what Trojans were.
Mitch: Right. Um...drugs.
Dawson: I can't swear to you that I'll never try some variety of narcotic, but I can promise you I'll never get so strung out I steal your TV.
Mitch: Can you promise me... you won't join a frat.
Dawson: That I can promise.
Mitch: Ok. So tell me what it was like... saying good-bye to Joey.
Dawson: [Sighs] It was, um... it was like most other things in life you have too many expectations of. You know? Totally, completely under whelming.
Mitch: Well, I will tell you this... and it is the last piece of fatherly advice I dispense before you leave the nest. It ain't over... till it's over.
Dawson: That's it? That's your advice, a trite, hackneyed cliché?
Mitch: It was all I could think of.
Dawson: Major demerits, dad.
[Scene: Gram's House. Jen and Grams are sitting at the table pouring themselves a cup of tea.]
Jen: [Sighs] You know, when I first got here, I thought that I was being punished. That--that my mom sent me away 'cause she just didn't love me enough or something.
Grams: Jennifer.
Jen: But I don't think so now. I mean, I think that she really loved it here. This house, the creek, I... I mean, she was always looking for an excuse to bring me here--Christmas or vacation, anything.
Grams: Hmm. Those were good times... but sad for her.
Jen: Why's that?
Grams: Some people spend their entire lives chasing the happiness they had in high school... their teenage years. Thank goodness that won't happen to you.
Jen: Why do you say that?
Grams: You children, the way carry on, always so dour and depressed about everything. Things can only get better from here.
[Knock on door]
Grams: Heavens, who could that be at this hour?
[Jack comes into the house.]
Jack: I know. I got halfway home and then I decided I didn't like the thought of you two all alone in this house on your last night.
Jen: [Laughs] Another sentimentalist.
Grams: Now, as long as you're here...
[Grams pulls a cookie jar out of a box on the counter and hands it to Jack.]
Jack: Yes. I thought you packed everything.
Grams: Oh, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.
Jen: So...you're really not sad to be leaving?
Grams: Not sad. Actually, it's rather exhilarating, leaving all this behind. You know, we three are about to embark on a great adventure.
Jen: Did you and gramps always live here?
Grams: No. When your grandfather and I were married he was still in law school, so we lived with his parents for a while. I would not recommend that. Then we moved downtown above his law office.
Jen: Oh, I didn't know that.
Grams: Huh. That apartment. In the summer it was so hot. Summer nights, we'd take a blanket up on the roof.
Jack: Under the stars.
Grams: Mm. Stars and the lights from the summer houses. Saturday nights, the owners would string Japanese lanterns along the docks and have these very fancy dinner dances on the lawn. Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra drifting across the water.
Jen: Ohh, that sounds magical.
Grams: Oh, it was. So your grandfather and I decided the best way for us to be happy would be to buy one of those summer houses and live in it all year-round.
Jen: And it worked, right? You guys were happy here.
Grams: We certainly were... but we were always cold in the winter.
[Scene: Dawson's house. The phone rings and Dawson picks it up.]
Dawson: Hello.
Pacey: Dawson, is that you?
Dawson: Pacey?
Pacey: Yeah, man. I hope it's not too late.
Dawson: N-no, it's fine. It's-- uh, where are you?
Pacey: Heh heh, I'm in paradise, man, paradise.
Dawson: Heh heh.
Pacey: Hey, you laugh, but it's true.
Dawson: So, uh, how's everything goin'?
Pacey: Heh heh, I tell you, it has been the hardest work I have ever done in my entire life, but, well, it's probably a good thing. It keeps my mind off of stuff.
Dawson: Hmm.
Pacey: So how is she?
Dawson: She's, um... you know, she's doing the same thing you are, Pace. She's keepin' busy. [Sighs] She doesn't say much, but, um... you know, I get the feeling that she thinks about you every 10 seconds or so. I know she'd appreciate a call.
Pacey: Uh, you know, I just don't think that's a place I'm ready to go quite yet, Dawson.
Dawson: Yeah, I totally understand. I could say something to her if you want.
Pacey: No. No, you know what? I think I'd prefer if you didn't, and that's-- that's not why I called, actually. Uh... I just--I realized that you're the only person in Capeside that I actually regret not saying good-bye to, because, you know, for a long time there, Dawson, being your best friend was all I really cared about in my life. I just wanted you to hear from me that despite everything that's happened between us and the miles that may be between us right now, you know, I still think about the way things were.
Dawson: Back when we were just a couple dorks wondering if and when a girl would ever look our way?
Pacey: Heh heh, well, speak for yourself, huh?
Dawson: [Laughs] Yeah, pace, I'm--I'm really glad you called, because the worst thing about not saying good-bye was I didn't get a chance to tell you something I wanted so badly to tell you.
Pacey: What's that?
Dawson: I'm proud of you, Pacey.
Pacey: Thanks, Dawson.
Dawson: Good luck out there.
Pacey: Yeah. You, too.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson it trying to pack, but you can see his mind isn't in it. He stares at the empty suitcase then walks over to the drawer to get some clothes.]
Dawson: [Sighs]
[He stops packing and goes outside and walks down to the dock, to get in his boat, but before he gets there Joey comes walking up to him from the dock.]
Joey: Hey.
Dawson: Heh. Hey. What are you doing here?
Joey: Well... I thought if I don't help you pack, Dawson, uh, you're gonna end up in L.A. With just those clothes on your back, and chances are that after a while they're gonna start to smell a little, and that's no way to make a good first impression.
Dawson: My hygiene thanks you for your concern.
Joey: Sure. So where are you headed off to?
Dawson: The Potter B&B.
Joey: What was your excuse gonna be?
Dawson: I was gonna work the whole "I haven't said good-bye to Bessie or Bodie yet" angle.
Joey: Ah. Not bad.
Dawson: Heh, come on.
[Up in Dawson's room. Joey and Dawson are lying on the bed watching ET, and as it finishes Joey wipes the tears from her eyes.]
Dawson: I caught that.
Joey: Sue me. It's still my favorite movie. This won the Oscar, right?
Dawson: God, how many times do I have to tell you? It was Gandhi.
Joey: Right.
Dawson: [Sighs] I need your help here.
[He throws a suitcase onto the bed]
Joey: [Sighs] I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're worse than a girl, Dawson leery.
Dawson: That's good. Emasculate me. It's only the last time you're ever gonna see me. Well, for Christmas, I suppose.
Joey: Which is 6 months away, half a lifetime. You know by then you'll be married to the first bimbo who slips you her head shot.
Dawson: And you'll be shacked up with the first guy who offers you a hit off his beer bong.
Joey: Right. I wish we could just fast forward 4 years, and see how it all ends up.
Dawson: I don't have to, really. I mean... 4 years at Worthington, you'll be a pedigreed professional.
Joey: And you?
Dawson: I'll be working the graveyard shift over at Kinko's. Stop by and say hi.
Joey: Mm-hmm. [Sighs] Dawson...
Dawson: yeah.
Joey: I know we always joke about this, but... I feel like I'm never gonna see you again.
Dawson: That's crazy talk, Jo.
Joey: I know. I-- I know I'll see you again, and it probably won't be too long from now, you know, holidays, most likely, but... you'll be different.
Dawson: I will?
Joey: Well, you'll have a tan. And you'll have a girlfriend.
Dawson: I will?
Joey: She'll be incredibly pretty.
Dawson: Really?
Joey: You'll show me a picture, I'll immediately hate her, and the worse part is, deep down, I'll know she's as great as you say she is because...you like her.
Dawson: You sound pretty sure about all this.
Joey: Well, you can't keep it a secret forever, Dawson.
Dawson: What's that?
Joey: How incredible you are. [They look at one another before Joey sits up on the bed] Ok, film student... all-time favorite movie.
Dawson: You want to play that game?
Joey: Mm-hmm.
Dawson: Jaws. You, all-time favorite song.
Joey: Daydream believer. Most embarrassing moment.
Dawson: Uh... that would have to be when the whole school watched me make out with Eve.
Joey: What are you talking about? That did wonders for your street cred.
Dawson: Ok. You, same question.
Joey: Hmm. That's easy. Right here in this room when I offered to have s*x with you, and you turned me down cold.
Dawson: Y-y-y-yeah. Hey, could we introduce the "hugest all-time regret" category, because that would pretty much be mine.
Joey: Mine would be... lying to you about sleeping with Pacey.
Dawson: [Laughs]
Joey: That's not funny.
Dawson: Not, it's that-- I just-- I'm the only one who has not had s*x. I--I didn't plan on graduating a virgin. What--what happened?
Joey: Best laid plans...
Dawson: This mythical college girlfriend I'm gonna have, will she have s*x with me?
Joey: Mm...no, sorry. She's a prude.
Dawson: Damn. I had such high hopes the last American virgin would fare better as an undergrad. All-time most life altering moment.
Joey: Ever?
Dawson: Ever.
Joey: Well... there are a lot of winners there. [Sighs] But, you know, there was this one moment, um... a couple years ago... in this room. I was standing over there by the window, and, uh... and you kissed me. It changed everything. It's a pretty powerful thing when you get your biggest wish in one moment. [Long pause while they just think about everything] Oh, better not forget that one.
[Joey points to the Turn away my Sweet poster on the wall.]
Dawson: Gee, I almost forgot.
[Dawson gets up and walks over to take the poster down.]
Joey: Dawson... I want you to stay.
Dawson: Excuse me?
Joey: I said, I want you to stay. And there, I said it.
Dawson: You don't think you could have maybe said something before I packed?
Joey: No, I said it, and now I want you to forget it.
Dawson: Forget it? Jo, how do I forget that?
Joey: Well, it's just something that I've been thinking about, and I wanted you to know that I was thinking about it. You know, I was just gonna... keep my mouth shut and let you go... but...[Sighs]... It's not me. That's some merchant ivory movie, you know, where people suffer in silence, and you're supposed to be so impressed by their restraint. Well... you know... sorry, but screw that. My best friend in the whole world is leaving tomorrow, and a big part of me wants him to stay... so I hope you don't hate me.
Dawson: I could never hate you, Joey... and not for lack of trying, either.
Joey: These past couple of years, it's been one big soap opera. I wouldn't take it back. I wouldn't... take any of it back, but... I'm glad that it's over. 'Cause I like the way things are now. My life being the cruel joke that it is, now that things are so nice... you're leaving.
Dawson: Jo... if I thought for one second it was the right thing to do, I would stay, but it's time to go. It's time for me to get out of this room, and it's time for you to discover who you are without us. This chapter's over, Jo. I can feel it.
Joey: [With tears running down her cheeks] Do you believe in magic? I never used to. I mean, how could I? 13, your mom dies. You hope against hope for--for magic, something to make it all better. It never comes, and, you know, you look to your father who's unable to overcome all of his tragic flaws. Well, no abracadabra there. And then there's Pacey. Well... any magic that was there, that ran out, didn't it? But, uh, then there's you. There's proof that someone out there is thinking of me... my friend who was with me always. It's pure magic. I guess this is pretty much just a long-winded way of saying that, um... I'm gonna miss you, Dawson.
Dawson: I'm gonna miss you, too, Joey.
Joey: Well, I guess it's getting late, and you need to rest, so... it kind of makes me wish that the ladder was still out there... make a classy exit, you know? Disappear out the window into the night.
Dawson: Yeah. Far more cinematic.
[She puts on her coat]
Dawson: Wow. I guess this is, uh... this is really it, huh?
Joey: See you, Dawson.
Dawson: I'll see you, Joey.
[The hug each other, then back up a little, but don't let go of one another]
Joey: So what was yours, by the way?
Dawson: What was my what?
Joey: Your all-time most life altering moment?
Dawson: For all I know, it could be this one right now... saying good-bye to you.
[A long pause as they look into each other's tearful eyes. Then they begin kissing, and the camera pulls to the outside of the room and we see the silhouette of them kissing each other in the window of Dawson's bedroom.] | Plan: A: USC; Q: What college did Dawson get accepted to early? A: the evening; Q: What time does Dawson want to spend with Joey, Jack and Jen? A: Joey; Q: Who tells Dawson that she wants him to stay? A: Jen, Mitch; Q: Who has other ideas for Dawson's last night in Capeside? A: Grams; Q: Who does Jen say goodbye to as she leaves the house she's been sharing with? Summary: Accepted early to USC, Dawson finds his last night in Capeside has arrived much sooner than everyone had originally anticipated. While Dawson looks forward to spending the evening with Joey, Jack and Jen, Mitch has other ideas. Meanwhile, Dawson is not the only goodbye Jen has to deal with, as she bids farewell to the house she's been sharing with Grams. Finally, Joey attempts to say goodbye to Dawson, but in the process ends up telling him that she wants him to stay. The two of them kiss. |
MUSIC IN:
EXT. SCHOOL - DAY
JOE: Hey! Hey! You got a problem with living? Uh-oh, you feeling frisky today, Meyers? Make your move. I'm begging you.
(SFX: BELL RINGS)
JOE: I didn't think so.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
NADIA: Kody, are you okay?
JOE: Oh look, he's following me. I think he's in love.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIRL RUNS FROM THE CLASSROOM)
(DOOR CLOSES)
KODY: No one else leaves! (SHOUTS) Okay?!
(FADE OUT)
(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. SCHOOL - DAY
(SIRENS/CROWD SOUNDS)
TONY: Gibbs is already on the scene. You two follow my lead. It's not my first time at this particular kind of dance.
ZIVA: Yeah, I've been through a few myself, Tony.
MCGEE: Well, you know what? I've played "Counter Strike" online. It's pretty realistic.
TONY: Well, you only get one life here, Elf Lord.
GIBBS: The kid's in a classroom in the south wing. SRT's set up a command post in the east wing. McGee, Ziva, recon the exterior. Put the gear down. DiNozzo. With me.
TONY: On your six, Boss!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
WISE: Target's name is Kody Meyers, fifteen years old. According to the witness, he came to class with a bomb strapped to his chest. We set a perimeter outside the classroom. Evacuated all nonessentials. EOD's on site sweeping for secondaries.
TONY: How many hostages?
WISE: Four, maybe five. My men are doing a head count on the student body.
GIBBS: The witness describe the device?
WISE: She was rushed to emergency. Being treated for a panic attack.
GIBBS: DiNozzo, find out who Kody Meyers is. Get his parents in here.
MCGEE: On it.
GIBBS: He try to make contact yet?
WISE: No, Sir. Not a word. We didn't try to establish communication. We figured that was your job.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
MCGEE: Ziva! Ziva!
ZIVA: I am here! We need to be stealthy.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
(SFX: MCGEE'S SHOES SQUEAK LOUDLY)
MCGEE: New shoes.
ZIVA: I'm going to that transformer.
MCGEE: Okay.
ZIVA: I meant alone.
MCGEE: Gotcha.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
(F/X: ZIVA RUNS TO THE SIDE OF THE BUILDING)
(SFX: ZIVA TAKES PICTURES)
ZIVA: Come on, boy. Show me your bomb.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/STUDENTS CLOSE THE BLINDS)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
STEPHANIE: It's okay.(SFX: NADIA GASPS FOR BREATH)
KODY: Stop doing that!
NADIA: (GASPS) I... can't... help... it.
KODY: You've got to try! What? What? What's wrong with her?
STEPHANIE: She has asthma, Kody.
KODY: W-What does she need? Water or something?
STEPHANIE: She needs her inhaler.
KODY: It's not here. Where is it?
STEPHANIE: (GASPS) Locker.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
WISE: Classroom is around the corner, second door on the right. The rooms can only be locked with a faculty key. Kody wouldn't have access. My tac team is ready to go. Snipers are moving into position outside, if you want to take him down.
GIBBS: Any other way into the room?
WISE: One door and a wall of windows. Blueprints are on the way so we can check for ducts.
TONY: (WHISPERS) Boss! Sorry.
(TONY WALKS TO GIBBS)
TONY: I found Kody's father. He was at a conference in Washington D.C. MPs are escorting him now. I just thought you'd want to know before you go in there. I'll head back now.
GIBBS: Kody Meyers!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: (MUFFLED) Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS. Kody!
KODY: Get away from the door!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY
GIBBS: Talk to me first.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: (YELLS) Get away from the door or I... I blow this thing!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
GIBBS: All right.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: I'm sending someone out. (TO STEPHANIE) Make sure you're the one who brings it back, okay?(NADIA GASPS)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
STEPHANIE: (V.O.) I'm coming out!
GIBBS: Debrief her.
TONY: It's okay.(DOOR CLOSES)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
STEPHANIE: I need to get Nadia's inhaler.
TONY: We're getting it.
STEPHANIE: She needs it!
TONY: I know, that's what we're doing.
STEPHANIE: She can't breathe!
TONY: Stephanie, we're getting it from her locker, okay? Tell me what happened.
STEPHANIE: I was in homeroom and I heard Joe messing with Kody. And then all of a sudden it got really quiet. And I looked up and Kody unzipped his sweatshirt. (CRIES) And he had a bomb!
TONY: Okay, what kind of bomb?
STEPHANIE: (CRIES) Like in the movies! It was strapped to his chest!
TONY: Okay, that's really good, Stephanie. Was he calm?
STEPHANIE: He was acting really weird. He'd... he was talking to himself.
TONY: Okay.
STEPHANIE: What about Nadia?
TONY: We're helping her. That's what we're doing right now. Okay, all right. I know this is hard. Stephanie, I need you to hold it together. Can you do that? Okay. Tell me a little bit about Kody.
STEPHANIE: He transferred this year. He's like a loner. The football players, they'd screw with him. But they screw with everyone.
TONY: Okay.
STEPHANIE: Oh my god! Is that what this is about?
TONY: Could be.
STEPHANIE: (CRYING) He's going to blow everyone up!
GIBBS: No he's not. Stephanie, it's going to be okay.
MCGEE: Boss, I got the inhaler.
GIBBS: See?
STEPHANIE: I have to take it to her! That's what he said. He said I have to get the inhaler and I have to bring it back to her.
GIBBS: We'll take it to her.
STEPHANIE: She needs it!
GIBBS: Okay, calm down. DiNozzo, get her a drink.
TONY: You got it.
GIBBS: Okay,
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY WALKS O.S.)
MCGEE: Boss, you're not going to really send her back in there, are you? Of course not. You've got a plan. What exactly--
GIBBS: Got background on Kody yet?
MCGEE: I do. Searched the school records. He's an average student, member of the chess club. He's also a junior U.N.
GIBBS: Background is useful, McGee.
MCGEE: Well, we've got a team right now at Kody's house collecting his computer, personal effects, to transport back to Abby's lab. I'm going to go back there and supervise. Okay.
(PASSAGE OF TIME)
GIBBS: What is this? Robby the Robot?
WISE: Sort of. It can climb stairs, negotiate corners, unlock doors.
ZIVA: Impressive. Will it convince Kody to surrender?
WISE: No. But it will deliver the inhaler to the sick student without endangering anybody else. And its camera might get a video of the bomb.
GIBBS: I don't trust anything controlled by a videogame thing.
WISE: I've seen one of these cross a minefield while under heavy fire in Iraq, Agent Gibbs.
GIBBS: How long until this P.O.C. is ready, Captain?
WISE: There's a problem with the software, just have to run a quick diagnostic and... twenty minutes?
GIBBS: We don't have twenty minutes. Ziva, tell Tony channel two.
ZIVA: Channel two.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WALKS TO THE CLASSROOM)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
(DOOR OPENS)
(SFX: NADIA GASPS FOR BREATH)
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
(NADAI GASPS FOR AIR B.G.)
KODY: What the hell are you doing here?
GIBBS: Nadia's inhaler.
KODY: Stephanie was supposed to bring it! Where's Stephanie?
GIBBS: Safe.
KODY: No! This is all wrong.
GIBBS: Give this to Nadia. I'll make it right.
KODY: I'm in charge here! Not you!
GIBBS: You're in charge, Kody.
KODY: Get Stephanie back in here!
GIBBS: I'm not going to do that.
KODY: You're killing everyone!
GIBBS: I'm not the one wearing the bomb. I am giving this inhaler to Nadia now.
(SFX: NADIA USES THE INHALER)
(SFX: NADIA BREATHES)
GIBBS: (TO NADIA) Better?
KODY: She's fine now, get out!
GIBBS: I'm a valuable hostage, Kody.
KODY: More valuable than a room full of kids? (SHOUTS) Get out now or we all die!!!
GIBBS: You're surrounded by Marines who all think you're crazy. Kody, I'm the last chance you have of getting out of here alive.
KODY: Shut the door! Search him. Like they do on Cops! Empty his pockets!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
ZIVA: Now I know why Gibbs didn't go armed. Where's Stephanie?
TONY: With her folks.
KODY: (V.O./FILTERED) Check his ankles!
TONY: This kid is pretty smart.
ZIVA: He's not just smart. He's trained.
KODY: (V.O./FILTERED) Put everything you find on the desk.
ZIVA: This could be a political statement.
KODY: (V.O./FILTERED) Come on!
TONY: He's a fifteen year old kid.
ZIVA: Well I've seen twelve year old suicide bombers in Israel.
TONY: He's not a terrorist.
ZIVA: Well then he's obviously mentally disturbed. And if that's the case, well, I think--
TONY: I know, that's not good.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
JOE: He's clean, Kody.
KODY: Check his ears!
JOE: For what?
KODY: Do it!
JOE: The guy's wearing some sort of hearing aide.
KODY: Take it out. Check his wrists. Step on both of them.
(SFX: CRUNCH)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
ZIVA: He is very well trained.
TONY: We need eyes in that classroom.
ZIVA: SRT snaked cameras through the vents here and here. Both were taped shut. Kody was covering his plates.
TONY: Bases. What about that door?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: Now make sure you cover every crack!
JOE: (V.O.) Okay, I'm on it.
KODY: You have no idea what you're dealing with here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
MCGEE: I think it's safe to say that Kody's got some suicidal tendencies. You should see his webpage. It's all about death and dying. The kid is obsessed.
ABBY: So what's your point?
MCGEE: My point is he finally worked up the nerve to do something about it.
ABBY: It's not the kids that talk about dying that you have to worry about, Timmy. It's the ones who stay quiet.
MCGEE: Abby, I've been in this kid's room, okay? It's all black. It's got skulls everywhere. He listens to death metal.
ABBY: Oh.
MCGEE: There is nothing wrong with those things if you are an adult.
ABBY: McGee, you slaughter people online. Are you going to become a mass murderer?
MCGEE: I did not take my classroom hostage.
ABBY: Yeah. Did you ever think about it? You said the bomb sniffing dogs didn't alert to anything in Kody's house. I haven't found explosive markers on any of his clothing or his effects. He didn't visit any bomb-making websites. And these photos... they show us nothing. Maybe his bomb is fake?
MCGEE: Do you believe that?
ABBY: No.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: We can end this now, Kody. Tell me what you want. I'll get it for you.
KODY: I'm not making demands until I speak to a negotiator.
GIBBS: I am the negotiator.
KODY: They wouldn't send the negotiator busting through the door. I'm not stupid.
GIBBS: No one says you are.
KODY: Just be quiet! Hurry up!
GIBBS: Relax, Kody.
KODY: (SHOUTS) Stop saying my name! You know, you're not gonna build a relationship with me. So keep talking and I really will end this now!
(SFX: NADIA SOBS B.G.)
KODY: Nadia. Nadia, you have to stop that, please. Please?
NADIA: Can't... I can't.
GIBBS: She's scared, Kody.
KODY: Yeah, like she's the only one.
GIBBS: You're right. We're all scared. They just want to go home and see their parents.
KODY: See, you're expecting me to identify with them, huh? See them as people, so it'll make it harder for me to do anything.
GIBBS: They are people, Kody.
KODY: (SHOUTS) Stop saying my name! One more word... and I press this button.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
CYNTHIA: Director Shepard, Doctor Mallard is here to see you.
SHEPARD: Send him in, Cynthia.
DUCKY: Anything new?
SHEPARD: I just got off the phone with DiNozzo. Still no contact.
DUCKY: What exactly happened?
SHEPARD: Jethro happened, Ducky. He went in to deliver a sick girl's inhaler, and got invited to stay.
DUCKY: Yeah, but how could he-of course. He probably planned the whole thing.
SHEPARD: Jethro doesn't plan, Ducky. He follows his damn gut.
DUCKY: Well, it usually serves him well.
SHEPARD: It also gets him into trouble.
DUCKY: You would only be a hindrance down there.
SHEPARD: What makes you think...?
DUCKY: You're wearing your sidearm.
SHEPARD: Gibbs was my partner, Ducky. For a long time. I cannot just sit by here and do nothing.
DUCKY: Well of course, not. Nobody expects you to do nothing.
SHEPARD: Cynthia! I want a direct feed into DiNozzo's command post, ASAP.
CYNTHIA: Yes, Director.
DUCKY: That is a good decision, Director.
SHEPARD: I'll believe that, Ducky, when the situation is defused.
DUCKY: Right.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
TONY: W.W.G.D.?
ZIVA: Is that a weapons acronym?
TONY: No. It stands for "What Would Gibbs Do?"
ZIVA: Well it's too bad we can't ask him.
TONY: Captain, your team's are in place?
WISE: We've got three snipers in position, Sir. If the target looks out the blinds again...?
TONY: No one takes a shot unless I clear it. You're with me.
ZIVA: Where are you going?
TONY: To talk to Kody.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: You want to stay away from the window's, Kody.
KODY: What, because of snipers? They won't shoot a kid.
GIBBS: I wouldn't count on that. (BEAT) It's not too late to fix this.
KODY: You're going to reason with me? Go ahead. No, really. Go ahead. Convince me I'm not in trouble.
GIBBS: No. You're in trouble. How much is up to you.
KODY: What'd you just do?
GIBBS: Nothing. Just stretching my arms.
KODY: You just... you just did something! What was it?!
TONY: (V.O.) Kody, this is Special Agent DiNozzo.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: How's Nadia?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: She's fine for now.
TONY: (V.O.) How are the other kids?
KODY: They're fine, okay?!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: I'm going to have to take your word on that. But I'm going to need some proof, Kody. Open the door.
KODY: (V.O.) No!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: No way! You try to get in here... I'm... I'm setting this off!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: (V.O.) No one's coming in.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
TONY: (V.O.) I'd like to speak to Special Agent Gibbs.
GIBBS: Everybody's okay, Boss.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: Well, that's good to hear... Special Agent Gibbs.
KODY: (V.O.) Your agent says he's a negotiator.
TONY: Well, that's right. He's my best man.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: Your best man's a moron for getting caught in here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: He always had an attitude problem. We're all going to work on this together. What do you say to that, Kody?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: You know, I want the man in charge. Not the field commander. The one who makes the final decision.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: That's me, Kody.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: If I ask for an airplane and a million dollars, would you just give it to me?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: Is that what you want?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: Answer my question!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: I'll make some calls.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: (LOUDLY) Are you the man or not!?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: I'm the one you want.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: Bring my mother to the classroom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
KODY: (V.O.) No deals, no stalling.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: You have until sundown. If you... if you can't do that, then.... everyone dies.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
MEYERS: I want to see my son.
ZIVA: That's not happening, Major.
MEYERS: The hell it's not!
ZIVA: Calm down.
MEYERS: I need to see he's okay.
TONY: Aside from holding five people hostage, he's doing great.
ZIVA: What does Kody want?
TONY: He wants his mother brought to him.
MEYERS: Oh, god!
ZIVA: What?
MEYERS: Kody's mother is dead.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
MEYERS: She died a year ago. A boating accident. Angela liked sailing. Kody took it... well, we all took it hard.
ZIVA: Clearly.
MEYERS: Kody's had some difficulties, but he's never acted out before.
ZIVA: Your son strapped a bomb to his chest, kidnapped his homeroom, and is demanding to see his dead mother. I'd say he's past the acting out stage, Major. And frankly...
MEYERS: Let me talk to him. I can calm him down. I can get him out of there.
TONY: Contact with you may only exasperate the situation.
MEYERS: He's my son! He's having a breakdown. His mind is playing tricks on him.
TONY: Tricks? What kind of tricks? (BEAT) Listen, if this is going to end well, we need all the intel you can give us on your son.
MEYERS: Kody thought he saw his mother a couple of months ago.
ZIVA: Alive?
MEYERS: His therapist said it's completely normal, a coping mechanism. A lot of people imagine seeing dead loved ones.
TONY: Well, it's the part where he wants to talk to her that's got us a little worried.
MEYERS: I saw the SRT teams outside the school. I know what comes next. I'm begging you, please, give my boy a chance.
TONY: We're going to do everything we can to get all those kids out of there safely, Major. All of them, including your son.
MEYERS: Thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: There are easier ways to see your mother, Kody.
KODY: It's none of your business.
GIBBS: You made it my business when you threatened their lives.
KODY: It's not up to me, okay?
GIBBS: Well, who is it up to, Kody?
KODY: (GASPING) You can't fix this! No one can fix this.
GIBBS: I don't want to fix it. I want to end it.
KODY: You just have the answers for everything, don't you?
(KODY STUMBLES)
KODY: No! No! Don't touch me!
TONY: (V.O.) Kody!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: Is something wrong in there?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: (SHOUTS) What the hell are you doing here?!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: Giving you an update.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
TONY: (V.O.) I want you to know that Special Agent Kaitlyn Todd is out looking for your mom.
KODY: Don't come back until you find her! I... I won't tell you again!
TONY: (V.O.) All right, I'm going.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
WISE: How are you going to tell Gibbs the kid's mom's dead?
TONY: I already did. Special Agent Todd is dead. (INTO PHONE) DiNozzo.(PHONE RINGS)
CYNTHIA: (V.O./FILTERED) Hold for the Director.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY
SHEPARD: He wants his dead mother brought to the classroom?
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) He won't accept she's dead. He thinks he saw her recently.
DUCKY: It's not an unusual fantasy in grief.
SHEPARD: That's an impossible demand.
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) I know, Director. I'm working on it.
SHEPARD: Define working on it, Agent DiNozzo.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
TONY: (INTO PHONE) SRT's in place. Working on getting visual access into the room and a way to contact Gibbs.
SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) And?
TONY: (INTO PHONE) And we're just getting started.
SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) What's your deadline?
TONY: (INTO PHONE) Sundown. About five hours.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE
SHEPARD: How powerful is the bomb?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
(SCENE CUT)
TONY: (INTO PHONE) Uh, don't know yet. Sciuto and Agent McGee are going through the kid's computer and everything found in his room.
(SCENE CUT)
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Trying to work out what the explosive is.
SHEPARD: Does he have a dead-man switch?
(SCENE CUT)
TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hoping Sciuto and McGee can tell us that.
(SCENE CUT)
SHEPARD: And if he doesn't?
(SCENE CUT)
TONY: (INTO PHONE) You want me to take him out.
(SCENE CUT)
SHEPARD: It may be your only option.
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) I'd like to get them all out alive, Director...
(SCENE CUT)
TONY: (INTO PHONE) .... Including Kody.
SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) I agree.
(SCENE CUT)
SHEPARD: But if it's not possible, I need to know that you're capable of making the call.
(SCENE CUT)
TONY: (INTO PHONE) I've done it before.
SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) On a fifteen year old? If the time comes...
(SCENE CUT)
SHEPARD: ..... You cannot hesitate. You cannot...
(SCENE CUT)
SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) ... Second guess yourself.
TONY: (INTO PHONE) Okay, if you don't trust me, I suggest you relieve me. Otherwise, leave me alone. I've got work to do, Ma'am.
(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
ZIVA: She asked if you had the calzones for this, yes?
TONY: Cajones.
ZIVA: Do you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE
SHEPARD: Gibbs has rubbed off on him.
DUCKY: Well, that's a positive thing.
SHEPARD: He isn't Gibbs, Ducky.
DUCKY: No, but he's very capable. The boy's mother?
SHEPARD: Yes. Cynthia?
CYNTHIA: (V.O./FILTERED) Ma'am.
SHEPARD: I need the NCIS case file on the drowning of Marine dependent Angela Meyers.
CYNTHIA: (V.O./FILTERED) Right away, Ma'am.
DUCKY: What are you up to?
CYNTHIA: The boy wants his mother. We may have to give her to him.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. LAB - DAY
ABBY: There is no way that kid assembled that bomb at his house.
MCGEE: Um-hmm.
ABBY: Which means? (BEAT) Which means he either made it somewhere else, or someone helped him. What do you think?
MCGEE: Sounds good.
(ABBY HITS MCGEE)
MCGEE: What? What was that for?
ABBY: Not paying attention to me. I'm trying to tell you I think there's more kids out there. This could be part of a larger plan.
MCGEE: I don't think so. Kody believes his mother is still alive. Look at this. He's sending her photo all over the web, asking if anyone's seen her. He expects us to find her.
ABBY: This could be a good thing. There were no traces of explosives at his house. No bomb making materials. There were no plans or schematics for construction on his computer. The bomb has got to be a fake! I hope.
MCGEE: Ooo! Ooo! Oh, wow.
ABBY: Wow what?
MCGEE: It would help if you could get a better look at it, right?
ABBY: Yeah, how are we going to do that?
MCGEE: Look at this. Three computers in the back of the classroom.
ABBY: With webcams and mics.
MCGEE: All we have to do is hack in.
ABBY: And we'll have eyes and ears and we can see the bomb.
MCGEE: Hey!
ABBY: We should have thought of that hours ago. Don't be gentle.
MCGEE: I'm not going to hit you.
ABBY: Come on! I deserve it.
MCGEE: No.
ABBY: Elf lord.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
ABBY: (V.O.) Ow!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
TONY: I don't see squat, Probie.
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Tony....
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
MCGEE: Are your laptops even on?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
TONY: Probie, now is not the time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
ABBY: Wait, Tony. It's on our end, okay? It's still buffering.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) That should do it.
ZIVA: You are amazing, Abby.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
MCGEE: Actually, that was my idea - would you stop doing that?! (V.O./FILTERED) Hey, cut that out!
ABBY: Ah!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: Oh, why is it so hot in here?
GIBBS: You can walk away from this.
KODY: Do... do you have any idea what they will do to me if I walk out of this building?
GIBBS: No one will touch you.
KODY: You have no idea.
GIBBS: I won't let them, Kody.
(ON MONITOR) GIBBS...
WE CAN SEE YOU
(NADIA GASPS)
KODY: What'd you.... what'd you just do?! What just... what just happened?
NADIA: I... I don't...
GIBBS: She dropped her inhaler. Let Nadia go, Kody. As a sign of good faith while we look for your mom.
KODY: No one leaves! Do you get this!?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
ZIVA: Electro blasting caps wired into a central circuit board. Four visible charges, all equipped with nails to inflict maximum shrapnel damage. This is no fake bomb, Tony. Good news. The detonator appears to be remote in his hand.
TONY: Good news?
ZIVA: Well, it doesn't seem to be a dead-man's switch. A head shot will stop this without setting off the bomb.
TONY: Just like that. A head shot.
ZIVA: Oh, yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
(ON MONITOR) MOM IS DEAD...
LAST YEAR
GIBBS: Tell me about your mom, Kody. Doesn't she want to see you?
KODY: Don't say that!
GIBBS: I'm just wondering why you're threatening to blow all of us up just to see her.
KODY: Because I... I do, okay?
GIBBS: She's dead, Kody.
KODY: I know. (BEAT) I know I saw her! Shut up! Shut up! Just... just...
[SCENE_BREAK]
(GASPING B.G.)
EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY
SNIPER: Target acquired.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
SNIPER: (V.O./FILTERED) I say again, target is acquired.
WISE: We may not get another chance, Sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY
SNIPER: Do I have a go? Over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
ZIVA: Tony?
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY
SNIPER: The shot is still good, Sir. Over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
WISE: Sir, we're going to lose the target.
TONY: He's not a target. He's a fifteen year old boy who misses his mom. (V.O./FILTERED) All sniper units stand down.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Do not take the shot.
SNIPER: All units stand down.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
ZIVA: Why?
TONY: It's a Gibbs' thing. My gut.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
KODY: Stop! Don't! What are you doing? Just get away from me!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY
ABBY: He's signing.
MCGEE: What's he saying?
ABBY: I can't tell. He's not being obvious about it. Wait. Puppet. Yes! Puppet. What does that mean?
MCGEE: I don't know.
ABBY: Wait, not puppet. It's marionette. He's saying that somebody's pulling Kody's strings.
MCGEE: Wait, like controlling him?
ABBY: Not just controlling him, McGee. Controlling the bomb.
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. LAB - DAY
ABBY: If somebody's controlling Kody, they have to be talking to him.
MCGEE AND ABBY: (IN UNISON) Earwig!
MCGEE: Ask Gibbs. Wait, hold it! Hold it! Send it now!
(ON MONITOR) EARWIG?
KODY: (V.O./FILTERED) Why'd you just nod?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: What?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
KODY: (FILTERED) You just nodded.
GIBBS: (FILTERED) Did I?
KODY: (FILTERED/SHOUT) Yes!
MCGEE: How did he see that? His back was to Gibbs.
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) I don't know. Nervous. Jumpy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: I guess.
KODY: Are you signaling someone in this room?
GIBBS: No. I swear.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
ABBY: They're not just talking to Kody. They have eyes in the classroom too, McGee.
MCGEE: Tony, did you copy that?
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Roger.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
TONY: Dirtbags have eyes and ears in the classroom.
ZIVA: Good.
TONY: Good?
ZIVA: We backtrack the feeds. It'll lead us to them.
WISE: Earwigs have a limited range and only a handful of frequencies. We have the equipment here to sweep.
TONY: Do it.
WISE: Yes, Sir. (V.O.) Get the equipment. Set up for frequencies.
TONY: Abby, SRT...
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) ... Is sweeping earwig freqs to trace the source. Can you guys do the same thing with the eyes?
ABBY: McGee?
MCGEE: We have three computers with webcams in the back of the classroom. We're using one of them. They must be using...
ABBY: The one with the blocked router! The one we couldn't get into?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
TONY: How long?
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Depends. They could be ....
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
MCGEE: .... Using counter attack software.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) If they're using a sophisticated encryption system...
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
MCGEE: It could be a hundred and eighty to two hundred and fifty six bit...
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Probie!
MCGEE: On it, Boss. Tony.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
ZIVA: What?
TONY: He called me Boss.
ZIVA: Yeah, he'll never live that down.
TONY: Nope.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
NADIA: What happens if they can't find your mom, Kody?
KODY: You know what will happen!
JOE: Kody, just let us go, man.
KODY: (SHOUTS) Shut up!
(SFX: NADIA CRIES)
KODY: Just don't... don't ask me that again. Okay, Nadia?
NADIA: (CRYING) Okay.
GIBBS: You don't want to carry out your threat, do you, Kody?
KODY: No. (BEAT) But I will if I don't talk to my mother.
GIBBS: Talk or see? We might have time...
KODY: See! See! I have to see her right here in my homeroom!
GIBBS: I'm just saying that talking to her might give us more time.
KODY: (SHOUTS) There is no more time, okay?! She has to be here before sunset!!
GIBBS: Nautical, civilian or astronomical?
KODY: What?
GIBBS: Which sunset? There are three.
KODY: Before it gets dark.
GIBBS: Astronomical.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
TONY: How's it coming, Captain?
WISE: Narrowing it down.
TONY: I can't stand doing nothing while everyone else is working.
ZIVA: Well then do something.
TONY: Any suggestions, Zee-va?
ZIVA: Yes, DiNozzo. We didn't really have time to question Major Meyers. He may be able to tell us who's controlling his son.
TONY: Captain, have your men bring Major Meyers in here.
WISE: That's going to be a problem. The Major was taken to NCIS Headquarters.
TONY: I didn't authorize that.
WISE: No, Sir. Your boss did.
TONY: My boss is a hostage right now. I don't think he's authorizing much of anything.
WISE: Not that boss, Sir.
TONY: He's the only boss I have.
ZIVA: Ah ah ah ah. You are forgetting the Director.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY
MEYERS: I'm an amphibious warfare instructor at Command and Staff, Quantico.
SHEPARD: Are you involved in anything sensitive?
MEYERS: You mean like secret? No. What does this have to do with my son?
SHEPARD: Someone is controlling him.
MEYERS: So this isn't his idea?
SHEPARD: I doubt it.
MEYERS: Thank god.
SHEPARD: He still has a bomb strapped to his chest.
MEYERS: Yeah.
SHEPARD: Why would they have him asking for his mother?
MEYERS: I... have no idea.
SHEPARD: How long did you know her?
MEYERS: Since college. We were married eighteen years when she died.
DUCKY: What did she do?
MEYERS: Grade school teacher. Look, Angela had no dark side. She loved me. She loved Kody. Whoever's doing this must have her confused with someone else.
SHEPARD: You're probably right. Thank you for your cooperation, Major.
MEYERS: What are you going to do?
SHEPARD: Get him out alive.
MEYERS: Thank you.
(DOOR OPENS)
(MEYERS WALKS O.S.)
(DOOR CLOSES)
DUCKY: You really think this is a bizarre case of mistaken identity?
SHEPARD: Doesn't really matter. Every scenario plays out exactly the same. The only way this can end well is if we find Angela Meyers.
DUCKY: And if she is dead?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
ZIVA: The detonator in Kody's hand is a prop. The people controlling him have the real one.
TONY: You think?
ZIVA: Yes. I think shooting Kody wouldn't have saved anybody in that classroom. Doesn't make you Gibbs.
TONY: Someone went to a lot of trouble to raise Angela Myers from the grave.
ZIVA: Well, obviously he, she or they don't believe she's dead. They intend to kill her with a big boom.
TONY: And blame it all on Kody.(SFX: BEEP TONES)
WISE: Got the freq on Kody's earwig!
TONY: Where are they?
WISE: Don't know. They're communicating in short bursts. We can't get an accurate fix.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. VAN - DAY
RICO: The sunset esta muy hermosa, Kody. Enjoy it. It will be your last if ....
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
RICO: (V.O./FILTERED) .... Your mama doesn't show.
KODY: Look, we're... we're running out of time. Where's my mother?
GIBBS: Let me talk to my... (V.O./FILTERED) to my boss. I'll get a progress report.
RICO: (V.O./FILTERED) Okay, put the cell phone on speaker.
KODY: Do it. Put it on speaker.
(PHONE RINGS)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
TONY: (INTO PHONE) DiNozzo.
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey Boss, have you located Kody's mother yet?
TONY: (INTO PHONE) Agent Todd has her (V.O./FILTERED) phone number and is trying to make contact.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
RICO: (V.O./FILTERED) Get the number!
KODY: What is the number?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
TONY: (INTO PHONE) I don't know, Kody.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Agent Todd is on it.
RICO: (V.O./FILTERED) Get the number!
KODY: (SHOUTS) I want the number!
GIBBS: Better get him the number (V.O./FILTERED) Boss.
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) I'll contact...
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
TONY: (INTO PHONE) ...Agent Todd and get back to you.
(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
ZIVA: You had to say you had her number?
TONY: I know. I know it wasn't...
ZIVA: A mistake Gibbs would have made?
WISE: Sir, EOD's been studying the pictures of the bomb vest. This is the remote to the detonator. One shot could destroy it.
ZIVA: And Kody.
WISE: There's more than just one life at stake here, Ma'am.
TONY: (INTO RADIO) McGee, tell me you're making...
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) ... Progress.
MCGEE: I'm making progress, Tony. (V.O./FILTERED) Back tracing their connection (INTO PHONE) to the classroom computer now. Okay, they're in Triangle, Virginia.
ABBY: Piggy backing off a wi-fi node at the warehouse outside the main gate.
MCGEE: I'm sending you the address. Now do you want us to cut...
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) ... Their connection to the webcam?
TONY: (INTO PHONE) Negative, Probie. I've got a better idea.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
MCGEE: You know what, Tony? This might actually work.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ADMIN OFFICE - DAY
TONY: Don't sound so surprised, Probie.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
ABBY: Oh, he's right, Tony. We should have thought of it.
MCGEE: Ow!
ABBY: Ow!
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) What the hell was that?
ABBY: McGee tripped.
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Trip on your own time, Probie. Can you make it happen or not?
ABBY: The problem is finding the right stream to mirror, Tony.
MCGEE: We'll need to recreate a virtual hard drive.
ABBY: To replace the physical one.
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) The key is the insertion phase, so we're going to need...
ABBY: A natural buffering period so we won't be detected.
MCGEE: Using a pretty standard code...
ABBY: Which means they'll be able to retag the algorithm during decompression.
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) So what we need is a multi point (ON CAMERA) control unit to enable a seamless...
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Guys, phys ed major here.
ABBY: We can do this, Tony.
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) When?
MCGEE: Uh... now if you want.
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) On my mark. DiNozzo out.
MCGEE: What was that one for?
ABBY: Pissing off Tony. Can't you tell he's under a lot of pressure?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. VAN - DAY
(PHONE RINGS)
KODY: (V.O./FILTERED) Answer it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CLASS ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: We're here.
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Kody, Agent DiNozzo here. I have some good news. We have your mom.
KODY: (LONG BEAT) You found her?
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Yes, we did. She's being escorted onto the base as we speak. She should be at the school in twenty minutes. You sit tight, we'll have a happy ending here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Okay, Probie, now!
ABBY: Do you actually think this is going to work?
MCGEE: If I tell you the truth are you going to hit me again?
ABBY: Yeah.
MCGEE: Yeah. I think it's actually going to work. It has to.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. VAN - DAY
RICO: Do you hear those sirens, Kody? You might just survive this after all.
(SFX: SIRENS B.G.)
RICO: (IN SPANISH) The boss was right. She wasn't dead! But she will soon be.
(SFX: BEEP TONE)
RICO: (IN SPANISH) What the hell?
DRIVER: (IN SPANISH) I don't know.
ZIVA: (ON MONITOR) Shalom!
DRIVER: (IN SPANISH) What's going on?
TONY: Hola.
GIBBS: Hi. Not bad, DiNozzo. Not bad at all.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
ABBY: That was brilliant, Tony. Looping the classroom video to the bad guys while you evac'ed the kids.
MCGEE: She's right. It was a great idea, Tony.
(TONY HITS MCGEE)
MCGEE: Hey!
TONY: Boss. It was a great idea, Boss.
MCGEE: Slip of the tongue, okay?
TONY: Freudian slip of the tongue.
ZIVA: Oh, give it up, McGee. Some things Tony never forgets.
ABBY: That's true. So Tony, what movie gave you the big idea?
TONY: Movie?
MCGEE: Yeah. You know, making the video of the classroom to feed back to the bad guys?
TONY: It just kind of came to me, actually.
ZIVA: Ooh! I saw it! They had these terrorists.
TONY: Half the movies today are about terrorists.
ZIVA: No no no. And they took over this bus, and it starred... um.....that actress with the name like an animal... a cow. No. Uh... ox. No, it's not that.
ABBY: Bull?
ZIVA: Bull! Bullock. Sandra Bullock. Yeah, and I can't remember the title of the movie, but it's...
MCGEE: I'm going to look it up. I'm going to check her credits.
TONY: Probie, don't you have a report to finish?
MCGEE: Oh, yeah. I did it.
TONY: Good for you. That's good. Ooh, wait. Stop talking. Wait. Has anyone seen Gibbs?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY
SHEPARD: It takes guts to testify against Carlos Mendez.
GIBBS: It took more guts to fake her death and walk away from a husband and son to protect them.
SHEPARD: Eighteen years is a long time to seek revenge, even for a Colombian drug lord.
GIBBS: Jen, I've got to find her.
SHEPARD: No. You don't.
GIBBS: You know, Kody Meyers has had one hell of a day. It's the least I can do for this kid.
(DOOR OPENS)
(SFX: CRYING)
SHEPARD: Good to see I can still surprise you, Jethro.
(MUSIC OUT) | Plan: A: school; Q: Where does the teenage son of a Marine Major arrive with a bomb strapped to his body? A: the negotiator; Q: What role does Gibbs play in the hostage situation? A: the chagrin; Q: What did Director Shepard think of Tony's leadership? A: Director Shepard; Q: Who was angry that Tony was left in charge of the hostage situation? A: The teenager; Q: Who demands that his mother be brought to the classroom before sunset? A: his mother; Q: Who did the teenager want to bring to the classroom? A: The team; Q: Who discovers that the teenager's mother is dead? A: the year before; Q: When did the mother of the hostage die? A: the test; Q: What are Tony and the rest of the team put to? Summary: The teenage son of a Marine Major arrives in school with a bomb strapped to his body and takes his classroom hostage. Gibbs enters the classroom as the negotiator and is taken hostage too, leaving Tony in charge much to the chagrin of Director Shepard. The teenager has one demand: bring his mother to the classroom before sunset. The team soon discover that she's dead, having seemingly drowned in a boating accident the year before. Tony and the rest of the team are put to the test as they try to get everyone out alive while secretly communicating with Gibbs. |
Act One
Scene One - Frasier's apartment. Daphne is sitting at the dinner table. Martin enters from the kitchen, carrying a bag of potato chips. As he opens the bag, Eddie runs in.
Martin: Oh, how does he always hear me?
Daphne: He doesn't. He just swings through every twenty minutes. He knows you'll be eating some kind of junk.
Martin: Well, I don't want him eating these.
Daphne: Well, then do what I do when I want Eddie away from me. I make a sound like [high-pitched] La la la la la la la la la la la!
Eddie runs to the couch and buries his head in the cushions.
Martin: That's mean!
Daphne: Why? It doesn't really hurt his ears. He just finds certain noises irritating.
Frasier and Niles enter, returning from the opera. They are wearing tuxedoes and singing an aria - badly. Eddie dashes off to the bedrooms.
Frasier: That was the most riveting production of Wagner I have seen this season.
Niles: I still have goose bumps from when Klingsor summoned Kundry with a terrible cry and ordered her to seduce Parsifal: "Ha! Er Ist Shun Der Knabe!"
Martin: Well, I had a pretty good night too. Took myself a nice, hot bath. And, remember that corn I had on my toe? Well, it got so soft I was just able to peel it right off.
Niles: Um... it's going to be difficult for me to top that, but I have some rather exciting news myself. I'm sure you're all familiar with the Safford case that's been in the papers recently?
Martin: Oh, you mean that scum-sucking jerk who's trying to get his father committed?
Niles: Yes. Well, guess who's been retained by that scum-sucking jerk! I'm going to be testifying as an expert witness at Mr. Safford's capacity hearing.
Martin: Wait a minute. You're gonna help sell that poor old guy down the river?
Niles: Not at all. Mr. Safford is unbalanced. His son is worried sick about him.
Martin: Oh, his son's worried he's not gonna get his hands on his father's fortune. Boy, the minute a man starts getting up there his kids start making plans to divvy up his stuff.
Frasier: Dad, you'll be pleased to know that Niles and I have decided to give all your things to charity. We're donating your clothes to the blind.
Martin: [gives him a look, then:] Well, it's just not right. A bunch of moneygrubbers behind closed doors trying to declare this poor old guy insane.
Niles: For starters, it's not behind closed doors. The entire proceeding will be broadcast on Court TV.
Martin: Oh, great. What father doesn't look forward to the day he gathers his friends around the TV and says, "Hey, that's my boy. The one making the old man cry."
Frasier: Dad, I'm sure Niles is only doing this to protect Mr. Safford from himself.
Daphne: Old age doesn't have to be that way, you know. My great-aunt Beryl lived well into her nineties, and her mind never failed her. Of course, she lost her eyesight in her seventies, and her balance in her eighties. By the end we spent most of our time propping her up or putting another bandage on her forehead. Oh, but bless her heart, she could always tell you just how it happened. [exits to the kitchen]
Niles: Well, Safford is clearly irrational. Recently, he wandered off. They found him two days later riding across Wyoming in a boxcar full of bums; he's taken to selling off property for half its worth; and most damning of all, when I went over to evaluate him, he continually referred to me as "Sparky."
Frasier: I don't know, Niles, you always wanted to have a nickname. You remember your campaign to have the string section of the youth orchestra call you "Rocky?"
Niles: It would have worked, too, if Tilly Farraday hadn't pinned me to the ground with her trombone when I rebuked her for neglecting to clean her spit valve.
Martin: Well, I still think picking on the old man stinks. [gets up and moves to the dining table to get a chip] God help you if you're over fifty and you do anything that seems the least bit odd to your family.
As he gets a chip, the noise of the bag once again attracts Eddie. He runs in and Martin, exasperated, screams out "La la la la la la la la la" at the top of his lungs. The trick works, and Eddie flees the room. Frasier and Niles, unaware of the ploy, look at Martin as if he has indeed lost his mind.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SECOND OPINION
Scene Two - KACL Frasier is listening to a caller, Beth.
Beth: [v.o.] And I'm pretty sure he's having an affair with his secretary.
Frasier: Well, have you talked to your husband and heard his side of the story? [Roz rolls her eyes]
Beth: No.
Frasier: Well, Beth, it does seem that your fears may be well-founded, but I still think you should talk to your husband before you come to any final conclusions. [he disconnects Beth] This is Dr. Frasier Crane, wishing you good day, and good mental health.
Roz enters the booth as he goes off the air.
Roz: Here are those PSAs, we'll do them tomorrow before the show.
Frasier: Thank you, Roz. [notices] Roz, why is that light still on? Is that Beth who I was talking to?
Roz: No!
Frasier: Yes, it is!
Roz: No, it isn't!
Frasier: Yes, it is!
Roz: It is not!
Frasier: Have you been talking to Beth?
Roz: Of course not! What do you think - I'm giving advice to your callers? Oh, Frasier, you are so paranoid. The world is full of enemies. Everybody's plotting against you. [notices a man walk in] There's a man in a dark trench coat right behind you.
Frasier: Ho-ho, very droll.
Giroux: Dr. Crane? [Frasier jumps] I'm John Giroux. [hands Frasier his card] I work for Harlow Safford.
Frasier: Oh, Mr. Giroux, I'm afraid there's been some mistake. It's my brother who's connected with the case.
Giroux: Oh, we're quite aware of that, but Mr. Safford feels he's the victim of a grave injustice. He's an ardent fan of your show and feels you're the only man who can help him.
Frasier: Well, that's very flattering, but given my brother's connection with the case, it wouldn't be very prudent for me to get involved.
Giroux: Won't you at least talk to my client? Judge him by his words and his actions, not by how old he is?
Frasier: You sound like my father - a man who believes that burial is a form of age discrimination.
Giroux: If you stop by this evening, I'm convinced you'll find Mr. Safford is completely competent. Even if you won't testify on his behalf, perhaps you could at least get your brother to reconsider his testimony.
Frasier: It's highly unlikely that I would disagree with my brother's opinion.
Giroux: I really admired your advice to that last caller - you know, about not judging someone until you've heard his side of the story?
Frasier: [smiles] You're a good lawyer, Mr. Giroux.
Giroux: Mr. Safford only seeks out the very best.
Frasier: I'll see you at seven?
Giroux: The address is on the back of my card.
Mr. Giroux leaves. Frasier glances at the back of the card. He then notices that Beth is still on the line and Roz is on the phone. He sneaks into Roz's booth and eavesdrops.
Roz: I don't care what Dr. Crane said. You start talking to your husband and he'll start covering his tracks. Get a detective now.
Frasier clears his throat. Roz quickly hangs up the phone. She has a sheepish look as he glares at her.
Frasier: You were talking to my last caller.
Roz: I swear; it's the first and last time. I will never do it again.
Frasier: [growling] I hope not.
As he walks out, she picks up another line.
Roz: Thanks for holding, Bill. I'm listening.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Harlow Safford's home. A butler ushers Frasier into the library of Mr. Safford's home. Mr. Giroux is waiting there.
Giroux: Enjoy your tour?
Frasier: Uh... yes, yes. That's quite a model railroad Mr. Safford has running through the grounds. I've never seen one on quite that scale.
Giroux: Impressive, isn't it?
Frasier: Oh, yes. Yes, especially when it's bearing down on you. I got my heels stuck in the soft grass. I barely made the crossing. Tell me, how often does Mr. Safford... play with his train?
Giroux: Just the weekends, when he gives rides to underprivileged children.
Frasier: Very admirable.
Giroux: There's a lot you don't know about him, Dr. Crane. That's why you're here.
Frasier: Yes, well, I promise to consider all the evidence before I arrive at a conclusion.
Suddenly, he hears someone shout "Yee-haw!" Frasier turns to see an elderly gentleman sliding down a fire pole. He is impeccably dressed, except for the fireman's hat on his head.
Frasier: I think I've arrived. [Mr. Giroux leaves]
Harlow: Hiya, Sparky. I'm Harlow Safford.
Frasier: Dr. Frasier Crane. I don't believe I've ever seen a fire pole in a home before.
Harlow: Oh, it saves a lot of time. Except for going up, of course.
Frasier: And, uh, the hat?
Harlow: Oh, it's just for laughs. Oh, try it on.
Frasier: Well, no, I don't think I should.
Harlow: Oh, come on!
They argue for a moment until Frasier relents. He puts it on and stands proudly.
Frasier: I guess it is sort of fun, isn't it?
Harlow: Not on you. [he takes it off Frasier] So, do you think you can convince my self-righteous son that I'm not nuts?
Frasier: Oh, I think "nuts" is a little strong. He must have meant that your behavior might seem to most people to be a little unconventional.
Harlow: Well, good. I've spent my whole life being conventional. Then one day I said to myself, "Harlow, you're not having any fun."
Frasier: Do you... speak to yourself often?
Harlow: Don't try to trip me up, Sparky. [he walks over to Frasier, carrying a cigar box]
Frasier: Oh, no, thank you. Thank you, I'm trying to cut down on... [notices what's really in the box] lollipops. Thank you. [takes a handful] But tell me, why do you call people "Sparky"?
Harlow: It makes them smile. Right, Sparky? [Frasier smiles] You ought to try it with your patients.
Frasier: Oh, I'm not too sure how warmly that would be embraced by those undergoing electroshock.
He laughs at his joke. Harlow just stares blankly at him.
Frasier: Um, anyway, your son tells me that you recently sold some property at a fraction of its value.
Harlow: That's right. Terrific young married couple had their hearts set on it, but couldn't afford it. So, I helped them out. There's nothing wrong with helping people.
Frasier: Well, he also informed me that you recently indulged in an unorthodox, not to mention hazardous mode of travel.
Harlow: That pompous weenie. That's exactly how he would put it.
Frasier: Well, actually, that was my wording.
Harlow: Well, I hopped a freight. Rode the rails.
Frasier: Well, why not just purchase a ticket and ride in a club car?
Harlow: Where's the adventure in that? I'm 78. Someday I'll be too old to jump off a moving train! No, you gotta live out your fantasies while you can. Can you understand that?
Frasier: I think I can. Mr. Safford, what you've said makes a great deal of sense. Before we go on, there's something I have to ask you.
Harlow: Shoot.
Frasier: It's a little embarrassing.
Harlow: I can take it.
Frasier: Okay. Can I slide down that pole?
Harlow: Follow me, Sparky!
They head off, Frasier filled with childlike enthusiasm. End of Act One Act Two
IF I HAD ONLY WORN
MY COTTON CHINOS
Scene One - Frasier's apartment. Later that evening. Daphne is clearing the table. Frasier is reading at the couch while Martin gets ready to watch TV.
Frasier: Dad, are you going to watch something now?
Martin: Yeah, the championship fight. But don't worry, I'm using my earphones, I won't bother anyone.
Daphne: Oh, you've already been a bother - making me hide the sports section so he won't see it. Making me turn the news off because they might say who won.
Frasier: I don't understand.
Martin: Well, the fight was last night. It was on Pay TV. But one of my police buddies has a pirate antenna. So, he taped it and they messengered one to me in an envelope marked "Official Business."
Frasier: Another inspiring tale of our men in law enforcement.
He limps over to get a glass of sherry.
Martin: [putting on his headphones] Why are you walking funny?
Frasier: Well, suffice it to say I learned today it is unwise to slide repeatedly down a fire pole wearing woolen trousers. [the doorbell rings] Daphne, would you...?
Daphne: Oh, I'll get it.
She opens the door to Niles.
Niles: Evening, Daphne.
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, don't say anything about last night's boxing match. Your dad hasn't seen it yet.
Niles: Oh, I didn't even know it was boxing season. [Daphne just smiles] Well, did everyone see my mention in this morning's paper?
Frasier: No, I'm afraid I missed that.
Niles: Well, small wonder. They buried it all the way back on page 32. It's here, it's next to the sports section.
Martin: [batting the paper out of Niles's hands] Hey, get that out of here!
Daphne: [catches the paper] Let me see.
Niles: It's right there.
Daphne: Oh. [reading] "Court TV this week will feature the capacity hearing of noted timber baron Harlow Safford. [Martin glares at Niles] Testifying on behalf of the family will be Dr. Niles Crane, eminent psychiatrist, author and leading authority on clinical psychosis. Dr. Crane is also the brother of..."
Niles: Yadda-yadda, the rest is filler.
He takes the paper away. Daphne exits to the kitchen
Frasier: Niles, I have to talk to you about something. Just after the show today I was visited by a man named Mr. Giroux. He asked me to represent Mr. Safford.
Niles: [standing] What?!
Martin: Shh!
Frasier: [pulling Niles down] I'm sorry. Given your involvement with the case, I naturally declined.
Niles: Oh, thank God.
Frasier: But, I did agree to see if I concurred with your analysis and speak to Mr. Safford.
Niles: [again standing] What?!
Martin: Hey, keep it down!
Frasier: I just have to tell you that I found Harlow Safford to be of completely sound mind - and don't say "What?!"
Niles: [struggles] Why?!
Martin: Quiet!!
Frasier: Perhaps it'd be better if we spoke somewhere else.
They get up to speak near the kitchen. Niles cannot contain his anger.
Niles: You couldn't stand that I had a high-profile case, could you? So you had to butt into it!
Frasier: I just don't want you to make a fool of yourself. These people came to me, they asked for my expertise.
Niles: Oh, ha! They were undoubtedly exploiting your dubious celebrity.
Frasier: Of which you are jealous and, I fear, the reason you took this case!
Niles: That is flatly untrue! I took the case to help the family!
Frasier: And to be on television!
Niles: I don't give a hoot about television!
Martin: [shouting] Well, some of us do!!
Frasier: Niles, you made a hasty judgment and I am sorry, but you were wrong.
Niles: Ah, now we see why you got involved in the case - so big brother could be right and little Niles could be wrong, which I'm not!
Frasier: Oh, your pathetic childhood issues have nothing to do with it. Face it, you were wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Niles: Oh, oh, oh-!
Frasier exits to the kitchen. Niles, outraged, follows him. Daphne is there listening to the radio while she cleans.
Niles: This from Mr. Quick-Fix, the master of the in-depth, one- minute phone call diagnosis!
Frasier: I spent several hours with Mr. Safford and I found his behavior to be...
Niles: Wildly irrational. He's a lip-diddling loon!
Daphne increases the volume on her radio to drown them out.
Frasier: You think anything that's even slightly spontaneous is aberrant.
Niles: That's ridiculous! The man's incompetent!
Daphne again increases the volume.
Frasier: Niles, I'm warning you. If you get up in that courtroom and say that, you will damage yourself professionally!
Niles: I'm testifying, and you're not going to stop me!
Frasier: Fine, then you leave me no choice but to testify against you!
Niles: Well, in that case, I'll see you in court!
Frasier: Good, I look forward to it!
Niles: So do I!
Frasier: Good!
Niles: Good!
Martin: [entering from the living room] HEY!!
Frasier: Daphne, please. Turn down that radio. Dad is trying to watch a fight!
The men exit, leaving Daphne stunned.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ANOTHER REASON TO KEEP
CAMERAS OUT OF THE COURTROOM
Scene Two - the courtroom. The proceedings have not yet begun. The Court TV camera is being set up. Frasier is chatting with Mr. Safford.
Frasier: So, how are you holding up?
Harlow: Oh, I'm fine. Now look, Sparky. I know you don't want to take any money for helping me. But at least let me make a donation to your favorite charity.
Frasier: Well... it was my duty, not to mention a pleasure, to help you. But if you'd like to donate something, why don't you select a charity of your own choosing?
Harlow: Fair enough.
Frasier: Good. Excuse me.
He walks over to where Niles is seated. Niles is primping in front of a mirror.
Frasier: Hello, Niles. You know, it's not to late to ask them to put a big blue ball in front of your face during the broadcast. Perhaps spare you some shred of your reputation.
Niles: I'd laugh in your face but I'm saving my voice. [clears throat]
Frasier: Oh my God! You're wearing makeup!
Niles: I am not! This is... medication. Something my dermatologist recommended.
Frasier: Dr. Revlon?
Niles: [standing up] These feeble attempts to undermine my confidence are futile. The testimony I've prepared is nothing short of brilliant. I cite half a dozen studies of gerontology. I quote everything from the Bible to Herodotus. I deftly interweave humor with pathos. You may want to take notes.
Frasier: And if you had an ounce of self-awareness you would realize that your diagnosis was colored by your zeal to put your face in front of that camera. [Niles scoffs] Oh, by the way, your medication is rubbing off on your collar.
Niles frantically checks himself in the mirror as the judge enters.
Baliff: All rise. Court is in session. Judge Richard McCarron presiding.
Niles: [facing camera] Hello, your honor.
Judge: Be seated. Good morning. Has everyone been sworn in?
Baliff: Yes, your honor.
Judge: Well, I see we have two Dr. Cranes testifying today. [Niles stands, then sits back down.] Mr. Giroux, I think we'll hear from your authority first. I assume the other Dr. Crane has no objection to that arrangement?
Niles: [facing camera] None whatsoever, your honor.
Judge: I'm over here, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: [standing] Your honor, I would not presume to bore the court with a recitation of dry statistics, gerontology studies, obscure literary references.
He stands in such a way that Niles is blocked from the camera. Niles moves his head back and forth trying to get a clear shot of himself on TV.
Frasier: Instead, I intend to speak from the heart. I worry about a society that has chosen to define normalcy in such narrow terms that if someone's behavior deviates ever so slightly, we question his capacity to function. Mr. Safford's seeming eccentricities - his love of trains, his generosity - they can all be readily explained.
Harlow: Diabetes!
Judge: Mr. Safford?
Harlow: I was talking to Sparky.
Frasier: Uh... [to Mr. Safford] Did you say diabetes?
Harlow: Yes. We'll donate the money to diabetes. Those poor people can't eat sugar!
Frasier: Fine.. fine. Uh... we'll, uh... we'll talk about it afterwards.
Judge: May we continue, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: My apologies, your honor. Mr. Safford and I were discussing a very sizable donation he intends to make later today to a very worthy cause. I guess his enthusiasm just got the best of him. But, it is this very generosity that his son finds so objectionable. That, and the fact that he did hop a freight train across the country. But, you see, what he sees as unstable, I see as... romantic.
Suddenly, the sound of a train whistle is heard in the court room.
Frasier: I... I don't suppose there's a railroad track outside the courtroom?
The judge shakes his head no. Cut to Harlow blowing a whistle, much to the embarrassment of Mr. Giroux. Everyone in the courtroom begins eyeing Mr. Safford strangely. Frasier becomes increasingly agitated.
Frasier: Uh... doesn't Mr. Safford deserve to be a bit of a free spirit after the years of his demanding career? A career in which he wore... [Harlow puts on a conductor's hat] many hats. Um... the hat of a father, a philanthropist, a C.E.O...
Harlow: All aboard! All aboard! Get your tickets ready. Have your tickets ready, please. Have your tickets ready.
Harlow stands up and produces a hole punch, with which he begins to punch holes in papers as if he were a train conductor.
Frasier: [desperate] In the end, it all comes down to this: can we really condemn a man for maintaining a childlike joie de vivre even in his twilight years?
Harlow: All aboard for the Coast Express. Yes, making stops in Tacoma, Olympia, Portland and Salem. And the next stop is...
Frasier: [putting his arm around Harlow] I think I know where your next stop is going to be.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - the courtroom. The courtroom is empty, save a very sullen Frasier. Niles walks in. He, too, appears downcast.
Frasier: Now, look, Niles. Before you start gloating, let me just say this. You were right, I was wrong.
Niles: Big deal. The world never got a chance to hear me be right. I suppose by now it's obvious that what you were saying all along was true. I do... envy your fame. Well, perhaps this public humiliation will cure me of my damned competitiveness.
Frasier: Oh, don't worry about it. I humiliated myself far more than you did today.
Niles: Obviously, you didn't see the way I was whoring after that TV camera.
Frasier: Obviously, you didn't see how I was tap dancing up there like an organ grinder's monkey.
Niles: Yes, well, I might as well have been tarred and feathered.
Frasier: I might as well have been pilloried in the town square.
Niles: I might as well have been stripped naked and forced to...
Frasier: Oh, stop it, Niles! We're doing it again! Niles, you have no reason to feel badly. Everyone wants to be recognized for something they're good at. And you are a good psychiatrist.
Niles: Thank you, Frasier.
Frasier: Something I can't really lay claim to after today. How could I have so misjudged that man?
Niles: Well, he's undeniably charming for one thing. And he can be lucid for long stretches of time.
Frasier: Yes, but you weren't fooled. Somehow, you picked up on some tiny clue that I missed. You remember what it was?
Niles: Yes. Midway through our interview he took off his trousers and tried to put them on the cat.
Frasier: Well, I'd like to think that I might have picked up on that one too. Still...
Niles: Frasier, you've always approached life with a positive attitude. It's a quality I admire of yours. Perhaps your judgment was clouded by your desire to see old age not as a time of inevitable decline, but as a time when one's childhood passions and fantasies can be reborn.
Frasier: Thank you, Niles. You know what would cheer me up right now?
Niles: What?
Frasier: I would like to hear that summation you never got a chance to give.
Niles: Really?
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: You're not just saying that?
Frasier: Do you care?
Niles: No!
Frasier: Well, all right then. [runs to the judge's chair] I'm the judge! I'm the judge!
Niles: Okay, you be the judge.
Frasier: [deep voice] All rise.
Niles: Yes, here we are.
Frasier: [as judge] Have we been sworn in? [as bailiff] Yes we have, your honor. [bangs gavel] Dr. Crane, proceed.
Niles: Your honor, I believe it was Herodotus who said: "Circumstances rule men. Men do not rule circumstances."
Niles takes hold of his lapel and, looking very smug, begins his summation. Frasier leans forward with great interest.
[SCENE_BREAK]
End of Act Two
[SCENE_BREAK]
Niles is giving his summation. His jacket is off, his sleeves are rolled up and he is gesturing wildly. As he reaches his "thrilling" conclusion, the camera rolls back to reveal that the bailiff is now in the judge's chair and looks thoroughly bored. Niles finishes and looks to the bailiff for his opinion. The bailiff just holds out his hand. Niles digs in his pocket and takes out some money, which he then gives to the bailiff. | Plan: A: a high-profile legal action; Q: What is Niles being retained to testify in? A: Court TV; Q: What channel is the legal action to be broadcast on? A: local millionaire Harlow Safford; Q: Who is Donald O'Connor playing? A: age 78; Q: How old is Harlow Safford? A: senility; Q: What is Harlow Safford showing signs of? A: his son; Q: Who is trying to get Harlow Safford committed? A: Safford's mental instability; Q: What is Niles an expert witness for? A: Frasier; Q: Who decides to testify in favor of Safford? A: his eccentricities; Q: What does Safford convince Frasier are his efforts to embrace life? A: his health; Q: What is Safford trying to make the most of? A: the world; Q: What does Safford want to give back to? A: his senility; Q: What is confirmed in court? Summary: Niles announces that he has been retained to testify in a high-profile legal action to be broadcast on Court TV; local millionaire Harlow Safford (Donald O'Connor) is, at age 78, apparently showing signs of senility, so his son is trying to get him committed. Niles has agreed to speak as an expert witness to Safford's mental instability. Frasier is persuaded by Safford that his eccentricities are merely his effort to embrace life and make the most of his health while he still can, and give something back to the world that has been kind to him. Frasier decides to testify in favor of Safford, but in court, his senility is confirmed. |
[N.B. This entire episode was shot in "real time," with no scene changes or cuts. Notice how Frasier and Niles's trips to the men's room are exactly timed to coincide with the length of the commercial breaks.]
Act One.
Scene One - Café Nervosa It is a very busy day, and all the tables are occupied. Niles is standing at the counter, speaking into his cellular phone. He is giving directions to Maris. Meanwhile, Frasier walks in.
Niles: Calm down, dear. No, calm down, listen, take a left, then the second right, then a left again.
Frasier: Is Maris lost again?
Niles: Yes, she wandered into the kitchen by mistake. I had to talk her back to the living room.
Frasier: [looking round:] It's kinda busy, any chance of getting a table?
Niles: Not at the moment. The table by the window received their check five minutes ago but they have been sitting there yammering away every since. I've been shooting them dirty looks, but they haven't budged.
Frasier: Show me the look.
Niles pulls a one-eyebrow look in a strict sort of way.
Frasier: They're there for a while.
Niles: Meantime, shall we go ahead and order?
Frasier: Oh why not? [to waitress:] What are your coffees today?
Waitress: Zimbabwe and Kenya.
Frasier: I'll have a Zimbabwe latte.
Niles: I'll have a Kenyan cappuccino.
Frasier: So, what's new?
Niles: Well, Yoshi the gardener finally won the battle of the wills. He got Maris to dig up her camellias so he could put in that precious Zen garden that he's been hocking us about since last fall.
Frasier: How did that turn out?
Niles: Oh, it's beautiful, it's the perfect place for meditation. Yesterday, I found Maris smack-dab in the middle sitting in the lotus position.
Frasier: Well good for her, apparently it's bringing out her spiritual side.
Niles: I'm not sure, she reading a Danielle Steel novel, making a nail appointment on her cellular phone.
Frasier: Do you realize that today marks a year since I moved here from Boston?
Niles: Really? A year! It seems like yesterday dad moved in with you.
Frasier: Isn't funny how two people can have distinct, opposite impressions of the same event?
Niles: [moving to the window seat:] They are both sitting there as if they own that table. Maybe if we both gave them the look.
Frasier: It's worth a try. [They both stare at them, and they move.] Niles, I'll never doubt you again! [they give high fives]
However, by the time that Niles and Frasier have got their possessions from the counter, a couple have already seated themselves. Niles and Frasier are angered by this.
Niles: Try the look on this table, I'm going to the men's room. Niles leaves, whilst Frasier stares at a couple at their usual table.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Café Nervosa However, they haven't budged a few minutes later when Niles come back from the men's room with wet hands.
Niles: Maddening!
Frasier: What is it now?
Niles: They have a new moisturizer dispenser in the men's room, and the cream is entirely too oily, so I had to rewash my hands, and would you know it, that is when the hot-air hand dryer decides to break down!
Frasier: How do you get through the day?
Waitress: [bringing coffees:] Here we go, Zimbabwe and Kenyan.
Frasier: [not pleased] Oh, excuse me, did I say decaf?
Waitress: No, you didn't.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. If I drink the regular it'll keep me tossing and turning all through my brother's conversation. [she takes it] Well Niles, it doesn't look like anybody is leaving, why don't we take a table outside?
Niles: Why not, I'm feeling al fresco.
Frasier: Oh, how does Mrs. Fresco feel about that?
They chuckle away as they go to the outside seats. They find a table and some chairs exactly in front of the entrance. Frasier watches Niles wipe down the seat meticulously.
Frasier: It must be a riot on camping trips!
Niles: Would you like a...?
He offers his handkerchief, Frasier refuses. They both sit down.
Niles: So, Frasier, now that chapter two of your life is in full swing, do you mind if I ask you something?
Frasier: No, go right ahead.
Niles: Are you happy?
Frasier thinks.
Niles: Did you hear the question?
Frasier: Yes, I'm thinking. It's a seemingly complex question.
Niles: No, it's not.
Frasier: Yes, it is.
Niles: No, it's not. Either you're happy or you're not.
Frasier: Are you happy?
Niles: No, but we're not talking about me.
Frasier: Oh, let's not just gloss over that. You, my only brother, has just told me you're not happy and it pains me to hear that, so why?
Niles: I was watching PBS the other night in my study and they were showing this documentary on the Great Depression. Vintage Steinbeck - desperately poor people escaping the Dust Bowl, their meager possessions strapped to rickety old trucks heading to what they thought was their salvation. Then there was this scene with this scruffy boy being handed a brand-new pair of shoes by the Salvation Army. Frasier, if you saw the look on that boy's face. It was a look of pure and utter happiness. I have never experienced that kind of happiness, not in my whole life. Not even when I bought these four hundred dollar Bruno Maglies. [shows shoes off] Do you like them?
Frasier: Do you like them?
Niles: What about the tassels?
Frasier: Well, I'm not much of a tassel guy.
Niles: No, neither am I, nevertheless there they are. [thinks] Oh, I have no reason to be unhappy. I have my health, have a wonderful home, a beautiful wife... did your eyebrow just move?
Frasier: I don't think so.
Niles: I've got my practice. Although, lately I've lost track of the ideals that led me to psychiatry in the first place.
Frasier: Hmm, yes.
Niles: Look who I'm talking to. Psychiatry's answer to the drive- through window. You know, sometimes I wonder if I'm not just in psychiatry for the money.
Frasier: Oh, I wouldn't say that's true. In a word... forget it.
Niles: What were you going to say?
Frasier: I'd rather not.
Niles: Well, there's no need, I think I know what you were getting at. You've been wanting to ask me this for years: did I marry Maris for the money? [Frasier nods] I resent that! I did not marry Maris for the money. It was just a delightful bonus.
Frasier: So, you really do love her?
Niles: Of course I love her. But it's a different kind of love.
Frasier: You mean it's not human?
Niles: No, no, I mean it doesn't burn with the passion and intensity of a Tristan and Isolde. It's more comfortable, more familiar. Maris and I are old friends. We can spend an afternoon together - me at my jigsaw puzzle, she at her auto-harp - not a word spoken between us and be perfectly content.
Frasier: I'm told it was a lot like that near the end in the Hitler household.
Niles: Oh fine, let's shift this subject back to where it belongs. This whole thing started with me asking whether you were happy. And don't think about it this time, just answer.
Frasier: Aw, well...
Roz: [coming over:] Hey, guys!
Frasier: Hi, Roz.
Niles: Hello, Roz. What are you doing here?
Roz: Well, I always wanted to learn to fly a jet and today they're offering a special on jet flying lessons, so I thought I'd come by and take advantage of it. [Niles doesn't understand.] I came to get coffee!
Niles: Well, thanks for stopping by, I'd have been mad if you didn't.
Roz: I'm also meeting someone here.
Frasier: Oh, let me guess, a man?
Roz: Yes.
Frasier: [imitating:] Yes.
Roz: The new guy from the news department, Andy Winslow. He's really cute. He caught me checking him out when he was bending over the water fountain.
Frasier: Ah! Love at first sight!
Roz: Anyway, he said why don't we get some coffee and get to know each other? [adding makeup:] I don't know Frasier, I've got a strange feeling that this guy might be the one.
Frasier: Oh, Roz, honey, you say that about every guy you meet. Let's just see if this one calls back.
Roz: [takes Niles's serviette and uses it to wipe her lipstick.] Yeah. I guess, you know, I don't think he's here yet. I'll just go and snag a table.
Frasier: Good Luck!
Niles: Bye, Roz.
Roz: Yeah. [leaves]
Niles: I don't think she likes me.
Frasier: Niles, it isn't a question of liking or not liking. She despises you!
Niles: Really? Why should I warrant such strong emotions? I barely acknowledge her existence.
Frasier: I think you may be onto something there, Sherlock!
Niles: [looks into the café] She is comely, in a back-alley sort of way.
Frasier: Roz, yes she's very attractive.
Niles: Do you ever think about you two, you know...
Frasier: Roz and me? [laughs] No!
Niles: You've never fantasized about stealing away to a cheap little motel with her?
Frasier: Oh well, I'm a normal man with normal urges. She does have a silk blouse that falls open a bit when she leans over the cart rack. But mixing work with romance, I don't know, is it ever worth it?
Niles: I don't know, you tell me. You're the one who looked down her blouse!
The Waitress brings Frasier's second coffee.
Waitress: Decaf Zimbabwe Latte.
Frasier: Is that non-fat milk?
Waitress: No.
Frasier: Oh, I hate to be a bother, it's just that I'm watching my fat intake. [she takes it away, then it begins to rain]
Niles: What is that? Rain?
Frasier: [sarcastically:] No, God is crying!
Niles: I asked a simple question.
Frasier: Do you ask any other kind?
Niles and Frasier walk in and see Roz, who has managed to get their usual front row table. They see a group moving near the bookcase, so they head over there, but a couple get to it first. The people on the window seat move so they dash over there. A man is just about to get there, but Niles blocks him out of his way. They finally sit down.
Frasier: Good work there, Niles!
Niles: I think I just wanted it a little more than he did. [looking out of the window:] Boy, it's really coming down. [Frasier looks out and begins laughing.] What? What?
Frasier: Oh, just something that happened the other morning. I asked dad to pass me a bran muffin. You know what he said to me? He said, "What's the magic word?"
Niles: You're kidding.
Frasier: He didn't think it was very amusing when I said "rest home!"
[they both laugh]
Niles: [sees Roz with a man] Oh look, look, that must be Roz's coffee companion. Wow! He's really handsome, isn't he?
Frasier: "Wow!" Did you say "Wow?"
Niles: Good lord, I did. I've never said "Wow" when describing another man before. I wonder if that means something.
Frasier: Oh, absolutely. [sarcastic:] It means you're a gay man. Your life with Maris was a charade and you should have come out of the closet years ago. Are you going to tell dad or shall I? [laughs]
Meanwhile, a rather wet Daphne and Martin enter with Eddie by their side.
Martin: This was stupid, this whole thing was stupid, admit it.
Daphne: It was not stupid! You needed your exercise. What was stupid was you came out without your bumbershoot!
Martin: It's called an umbrella! Speak English, can't you?
Waitress: [coming over:] I'm sorry, sir, no dogs allowed.
Martin: [acts like a blind man:] What?
Waitress: Oh, I'm sorry.
Niles: It's okay, okay.
Martin: [feels Niles's face:] Niles?
Niles: Hello, dad.
Frasier: So, dad, what are you two doing here?
Daphne: Well, I thought we needed some exercise, and I had to come down here to pick up some beans anyway, so we walked. Well, two of us walked. One of us had to be dragged by his collar.
Martin: Hey, I told you I didn't want to come here in the first place. Look at me, I'm going to die of pneumonia.
Daphne: Oh, you'll outlive us all. The cranky ones always do.
[Niles goes to the counter with her.]
Frasier: Dad, let's get you something hot to drink. [Frasier summons the waitress] Em, cappuccino, latte?
Waitress: [to Martin:] Can I help you?
Martin: Coffee, black, and don't put anything fancy in it.
Waitress: We have two special coffees. [Martin stares, bored] I'll surprise you. [leaves.]
Frasier: [Eddie sits next to him] Oh, joy. There's nothing like the smell of a wet dog to work up the appetite for supper!
Martin: Look at us, we're soaked to the skin!
Frasier: You're in a fine mood today!
Martin: Ah, and by the way you left a mess in the kitchen.
Frasier: I had a piece of toast!
Martin: Yeah, and you didn't use a plate like I asked you too, and you put it in under the counter. [Niles sits down with his briefcase] And all because you left a bunch a crumbs and toast sweat there!
Niles: Toast sweat?
Frasier: Yes, yes, it's when you put a piece of hot toast on any surface, and it leaves droplets of dew behind. Haven't you heard dad's lecture on the evils of toast sweat? It's the scourge of our times.
Waitress: [with coffees:] One coffee, black.
Martin, still pretending to be blind, reaches for the coffee. The Waitress guides his hand to it.
Waitress: And a decaf, non-fat, Zimbabwee Latte.
Frasier: Oh dear, is that cinnamon on that foam?
She whisks it away again.
Frasier: [to Martin:] Well you know, as long as we're picking at each other's scabs here, I found another one of Eddie's chew toys in my sweater cubby the other day, hairs all over my favorite pullover. I know he sleeps in there when I'm not home!
Martin: It serves you right for keeping your sweaters in a place called "the cubby."
Frasier: That's it, my bedroom is off limits to this fleabag.
Martin: He's not a flea bag.
Niles: Hey dad, how about those Mariners?
Martin: Shut up, Niles. Look, who's kidding here? If my hip's good enough to get me down here, then maybe it's about time I found a place of my own.
Niles: Where will you go?
Martin: Oh, don't worry about me, I'll find a place. I've got a little money saved up. I never wanted to move in with you in the first place, and the last thing I want to do is...
Frasier: [with him] ..."to be a burden to anybody."
Martin: [to Niles:] That's your brother's smart-ass way of telling me he's heard this before. Well, you won't have to hear it again, come on Eddie. Tell Daphne to catch up with us, will you?
Frasier: Dad, please, we go through this little melodrama at least once a week. Will you just sit down, it's raining outside.
Martin: No, no. I'll pay for coffee too, how much is it?
Frasier: A dollar-fifty.
Martin: For coffee? What kind of world are we living in?
Martin exits into the rain, whilst Frasier decides to take a visit to the toilet.
End of Act One (Time: 12:35) Act Two.
Later, Niles is at the counter where Daphne has just got her beans. Frasier comes back, also with wet hands.
Niles: Frasier, are you alright? You've been in there forever.
Frasier: Oh, I tried that damn hand cream, [wipes his hand on serviette] I was so oily I couldn't get a grip on the doorknob. I awaited to be rescued, finally when some guy came in I said, "Oh God, am I glad to see you." I can't even begin to describe the look he gave me.
A man walks past Frasier, giving him an indescribable look.
Frasier: There it is! Niles and Frasier heads to their seats, Daphne goes with them.
Daphne: So, your brother tells me you and your father are at it again.
Frasier: Oh yeah, what's new?
Daphne: I don't know what's wrong with him. Lately, he's had a face as long as a wet weekend. Yesterday, when I insisted he do his exercises, he told me to put my feet behind my head and spin like a top. [Niles begins to fantasize about this]
Frasier: Oh well, best thing to do, just ignore him when he gets sarcastic. Isn't that right, Niles? Niles?
Niles: [after coming out of the daydream] I'm sorry, Frasier. For some reason I feel a little dizzy.
Daphne: Well, I guess I better go after him.
Niles: Oh, here. [hands her his umbrella] Take my bumbershoot.
Daphne: Oh, isn't that nice. Well, at least someone appreciates my mother tongue. [leaves]
Niles: Yes, I've always had an ear for your tongue.
Frasier: Niles!
Niles: What did I say? Want another coffee?
Frasier: Not until I've had my first one, thanks! [Niles signals for another coffee] Why is it always so difficult between me and dad?
Niles: Oh well, you might try looking at it from dad's point of view. As a policeman in a position of authority and that's been taken away from him. Wailing against the world is his way of controlling his ever-shrinking sphere of influence.
Frasier: Yes I do empathize with him. I just can't help wishing I could just kick that cane out from under him once in a while and that he would land on Eddie!
Niles: Well, the simple truth is, it's hard. I know you're trying!
Frasier: I am! And you know, sometimes I do see the fruits of my labor. You know, just the other night dad was watching TV and I had fallen asleep on the couch and suddenly I stirred, I felt something on my head, and dad was standing above me stroking my hair.
Niles: Dad?! Did he say anything?
Frasier: Well, he said, "don't think it's time you got a hair cut, you're starting to look like bozo!" I know he was only covering though. But what do you think?
Niles: Probably wouldn't hurt to get a trim!
Frasier: No! Do you think he was covering?
Niles: Of course he was covering, you know dad! Tough as nails on the outside, but on the inside one giant... spike.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Waitress brings him his coffee.]
Niles: Grazie.
Frasier: Excuse me, but what about mine?
Waitress: We've got a team of specialists working on it. [leaves]
Frasier: Look, why don't we just change the subject from dad, and talk about something else.
Niles: Absolutely, pick a new topic. Something light and frothy.
Frasier: I agree. Are you in love with Daphne?
Niles does a spit-take.
Frasier: That's a little frothier than I had in mind!
Niles: That preposterous! I refuse to dignify that question with an answer.
Frasier stares at him.
Niles: I don't know! There, I said it. There, are you happy? Oh, why did you have to hire Venus herself? Couldn't you have found some beefy, East-European scrub woman who reeked of ammonia?
Frasier: Well, I asked, but it was an Olympic year. The agency was fresh out.
Niles: Frasier, I can't get her out of my mind. When I look at Daphne she stirs a passion in me I've never known before.
Frasier: Niles, you're not considering leaving Maris?
Niles: Certainly not!
Frasier: Well, I suppose the situation you're in is that you'd like to stay with Maris but you'd like an affair with Daphne.
Niles: Yes. Can I do that?
Frasier: No, you can't!
Niles: I thought that I couldn't but you got my hopes up there for a minute. Oh, it's easy for you. You're free, you're happy - although perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself there, you haven't answered that question yet.
Frasier: Oh, I haven't answered it, have I?
Niles: You haven't and I'm getting curious. Are you happy?
Frasier: Well, I guess the best way I can think of saying it is...
Roz: [coming over:] This sucks!
Frasier: What's the matter?
Roz: You sit down with someone and have a cup of coffee and think that they might just might lead you to something, like a life! Suddenly the trap door opens and you're right back in Roz's world!
Niles: How did it go wrong so quickly?
Roz: Hmm, simple. He didn't want to date me. He wanted to convert me! I don't have anything against religious people. I don't care if they're Jewish, or Jehovah Witness or Buddhist. I am ecumenical, I embrace men of all faiths!
Frasier: If only it stopped there!
Roz: But he pretended he was going to ask me out, isn't there a Commandment against that?
Niles: No, they didn't get into dating until the New Testament.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry Roz, why don't you join us?
Roz: No, no thank you. There's a cute new handyman in my building. I thought I'd just go home, slip into a negligée and rip out my faucet. [leaves]
Frasier: You think she's kidding, don't you? You know, I think about Roz's life and it makes me wonder about my own. I haven't been exactly burning up the social scene lately.
Niles: You'll find somebody.
Frasier: But what if I don't? What if I end up old and alone? I just might have to buy a funny little dog and move in With Frederick. I guess I don't need to worry about that for a while.
Niles: No, Frederick should start worrying about it. In the meantime, you might want to answer my ever-more-tedious original question. Are you happy?
Frasier: Well, I guess I'd have to say...
Martin: [entering with Eddie:] Hello, boys.
Niles: Oh, for Pete's sake!
Frasier: Hello dad, what are you doing back here?
Martin: I don't know. I've been acting like a jerk these past couple of days, and I've been taking it out on you and Daphne. You know all that stuff I said earlier? Just forget about it.
Frasier: I already have.
Martin: Come on, boy.
Frasier: Dad, dad, listen. Has something been bothering you these past few days?
Martin: No, not really, no.
Frasier: Come on, say it.
Martin: Okay. Last Sunday was my birthday.
Niles and Frasier are both mortified. Niles tries to cover.
Niles: Of course it was! Frasier and I were planning a big surprise party. But, if we threw it on your birthday it wouldn't have been a surprise, thus we waited a week. So, surprise!
Martin doesn't buy and Frasier just stares at Niles.
Niles: Oh, if you could just see the look on your face...
Frasier: Just give it up, Niles! Dad, I'm sorry. Listen, come and have a seat.
Martin: You know, I don't know why I let it bother me. All those years on the force, I missed enough of you boys' birthdays. You're entitled to miss one of mine.
Frasier: You know what, there's no reason to stop us celebrating anyway. Tonight, we'll take you out for dinner.
Martin: You don't need to do that!
Niles: Absolutely, absolutely, you name the place.
Martin: OK, how about Hoppy's Old Heidleberg?
The boys pretend it's wonderful.
Martin: They were voted best bratwurst of all time for three years in a row.
Frasier: Ach du lieber! [they laugh]
Daphne: [walking in:] There you are. I've been up and down Third Street looking for you.
Martin: Oh, I was on Fourth Street, Eddie had already smelled everything on Third. How did you know I was coming back here anyway?
Daphne: I had one of my psychic flashes. Bang! - there you were, walking through the door of Café Nervosa. And there you were, apologizing for the way you've treated me this past week.
Martin: Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Daphne. Just forget about it, alright?
Daphne: And something about a raise. [looks to Frasier]
Martin: You're winging it now, aren't you?
Daphne: Am I that transparent?
Martin: No, I'm psychic. Come on, we've gotta hurry up because the boys are taking us to Hoppy's Old Heidleberg tonight for dinner!
Daphne: Oh great, German food. We whipped the Jerries twice this century and they still have the last laugh. [leaves]
Frasier: You know, dad I'd give you a ride, but I've got to stop by the station first.
Martin: Nah.
Niles: No, that's okay, I'll give him a lift.
Frasier: Ah.
Niles: Frasier, as always I've enjoyed getting together with you for coffee.
Martin: What do you guys talk about all the time?
Niles: Oh, you know - sports, chicks, monster truck rallies...
Martin: Okay, don't tell me.
Niles and Martin leave, Frasier awaits his decaf, non-fat milk, non-cinammon foam Zimbabwe Latte alone. The waitress arrives, with yet another cup of coffee.
Waitress: Zimbabwe, decaf, non-fat milk, no cinnamon in sight. Now - ARE YOU HAPPY?
Frasier: [answering Niles's question:] You know, in the greater scheme... yes, I'd say I am.
He tastes his coffee. Fade out.
End of Act Two. (Time: 22:10)
[SCENE_BREAK]
It seems that Frasier was indeed answering Niles's question, as it seems the coffee still isn't perfect. He signals the waitress over to his table, who pulls the coffee away before he manages to utter a word. | Plan: A: their daily coffee; Q: What do Frasier and Niles discuss life and happiness over? A: Frasier; Q: Who is unsure if he is happy in Seattle? A: Niles; Q: Who acknowledges he may have feelings for Daphne? Summary: Over their daily coffee, Frasier and Niles discuss life and happiness. For the first time, Niles acknowledges he may have feelings for Daphne. Frasier considers if he is happy with his new life in Seattle. |
Dwight: [bouncing on an exercise ball] You should get one of these.
Jim: No. Thank you.
Dwight: Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.
Jim: Done.
Dwight: This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. [knocks things around Jim's desk] Sorry.
Jim: S'ok.
Dwight: Numerous health benefits, strengthens your back, better performance in sports, more enjoyable s*x.
Jim: You're not having s*x.
Dwight: Plus, improves your reflexes [knocks over more stuff] see, I would have caught that.
Jim: Ok, you know what, uh, how much is that?
Dwight: It's only twenty-five bucks.
Jim: Wow. Um, ok. [pops Dwight's orb with scissors]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Pam, could I see you in my office?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: It's performance review day, company-wide. Last year, my performance review started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, and it ended with him telling me he could bench-press 190 pounds. So, I don't really know what to expect.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Pam, you're trustworthy-
Pam: Thank you.
Michael: And a woman-
Pam: Oh, no.
Michael: And I want you to listen to a voicemail from my boss. [Jan on recording] "Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you. I'll, uh, be there this afternoon for performance reviews. I hope it's understood that that will be our only topic of discussion. See you soon." First impressions?
Pam: Uh, just off the top... I think she'll be here this afternoon.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: My boss is coming in today, the lovely Jan Levinson-Gould will, well, no Gould. The Gould has been [makes slashing neck hand motion] swack, divorced. Um, the awkward part is that this will be the first time that we'll be seeing each other since, well, uh, it was really nothing. We just sort of got caught up in the moment. The vulnerable divorcee gives herself to the understanding, with rugged good-looks, office manager. Just, uh, she didn't want it to continue for some reason. It, we both, I didn't want it, we both didn't want it to continue. Was not professional. Um, when people say something's mutual, it never is. But this was mutual.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: [playing Jan's message] "I guess I missed you." I guess I missed you. So, she misses me?
Pam: She missed you.
Michael: But then she goes on to say "that will be our only topic of discussion". That doesn't mean anything, those are just words.
Pam: I have one idea of what it means.
Michael: Ok. Yeah, what, what?
Pam: Well I don't think you're gonna be very happy with this.
Michael: Ohhh, great. Well, now I'm in a terrible mood. Let's do your performance review-
Pam: Because she's conflicted. She has to be professional, but she's fighting feelings... for you.
Michael: Ah, why, that's great news? That, that, then why would, why would I not like that?
Pam: Um, just cause, that, you work together, and it might be awkward.
Michael: Oh, wow, wow. Alright, let's listen to that again. [plays Jan's message] "Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you".
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Oh, hey, listen, Jim. Here's a little tip for your performance review.
Jim: Ok.
Dwight: Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders.
Jim: We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders.
Dwight: Oh, yes, we do.
Jim: No, we don't.
Dwight: Yeah, it's a new product. So, you should just suggest that to him and he'll be sure to give you a raise.
Jim: Alright... well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm gonna actually be asking for a pay decrease.
Dwight: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
Jim: I win.
Dwight: Ugh, you know what? I am going to zone you out for the rest of today. I need to stay focused, and I don't have to see you tomorrow or Sunday and please don't call me, and we'll see how things go on Monday. Uh, stupid.
Jim: Wait, wait; one thing. Uh, by tomorrow, you mean Saturday, right?
Dwight: Uh, duh.
Jim: Duh.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: Today is Thursday. But Dwight thinks that it's Friday. And that's what I'll be working on this afternoon.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Stanley: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.
Michael: Really?
Stanley: Oh, yes. Let's listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses.
Michael: God, Stanley, that's frickin' brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? Sorry.
Stanley: Oh, no, that's ok. I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto, in fact.
Michael: No kidding.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Stanley: It's all about my bonus.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Michael and Jan definitely made out.
Jim: Ohh...
Pam: Maybe more.
Jim: Eck!... Oh! Also, it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. So, keep that goin'.
Pam: Oh, yea!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Good work, Stanley. Great performance review. Stanley in the house, everybody. Woo! Angela, your turn.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Angela: I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit. And I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Michael?
Michael: Yeah?
Pam: Jan's on the phone for you.
Michael: Oh; Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Interesting. Jan is calling me. Maybe it wasn't so mutual after all. [puts Jan on speakerphone] Yeah?
Jan: Michael.
Michael: Jan! To what do I owe this pleasure?
Jan: I am returning your many calls.
Michael: Well, hello to you, too. Um, yeah, I was just um, I just wanted to get some closure on uh, what transpired between us at the meeting we had in the parking lot of the Chili's.
Jan: No. No, we won't be discussing that, Michael. The only things I wanna talk about during your performance review are your concrete ideas to improve your branch.
Michael: Well, surely this uh, review is a formality because of what happened uh, at our meeting in the parking lot of Chili's.
Jan: Uh, your review is anything but a formality, Michael.
Michael: Oh.
Jan: I expect you to forget anything that you think may have happened between us and exhibit completely professional behavior.
Michael: Been thinking about you.
Jan: Ok, that is an example of completely unprofessional behavior.
Michael: Um, I don't see how that's unprofessional. Just-
Jan: Michael.
Michael: Yep.
Jan: Are the cameras with you...
Michael: No.
Jan: ...in your office?
Michael: They are not. Yes, they are. [Jan hangs up] That's my girlfriend.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kevin: I heard they made out and had s*x.
Oscar: No, they just made out. That's it.
Kevin: Well, I heard they made out and had s*x.
Angela: Don't talk about it. Office romances are nobody's business but the people involved.
Kevin: Romances?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis. I know I do. I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. Um, is there any chance you wrote any of my ideas down? In a folder? A "Michael-idea" folder?
Pam: Sorry.
Michael: That's unfortunate. How 'bout the suggestion box? There's tons of ideas in there.
Pam: What suggestion box?
Michael: The suggestion box that I put out, and people could be put in suggestions anonymously? Maybe there's prizes?
Pam: Oh, yeah. Uh, I think I remember that from back from when I first started.
Michael: Why don't you find it and tell people to get theirs... never mind, I'll tell them. Hello, everybody? Yeah, uh, attention, please. Jan Levinson's coming, very soon, and so, we're going to have our weekly suggestion box meeting, so you can all get your constructive compliments in a.s.a.p.
Ryan: Don't you mean constructive criticism?
Michael: What did I say?
Kelly: You said "constructive complements"; that doesn't make any sense.
Michael: Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment, so maybe you should stop criticizing my English and start making some suggestions. 'K?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: [on phone] Hey, Dan, this is Jim, and it is about 11:15, and I wanted to know what you were up to tomorrow, which is the fifteenth, and that is a...
Dwight: Saturday.
Jim: [pumps fist] ...Saturday, so just let me know what you're doing tomorrow, Saturday, for lunch. Ok, talk to you soon.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jan: [on phone] We'll address this in the meeting then. Ok. Ok, bye-bye. [to Pam] Could you please tell Michael that I'm here?
Pam: Sure.
Michael: Hi, Jan. How are you?
Jan: I'm good; how are you?
Michael: Good to see you.
Jan: Nice to see you.
Michael: Ok. [tries to kiss Jan's hand] Ok, why don't we just step into my office? We're gonna go in here.
Jan: Can we please go in your office?
Michael: Yep, right after you. Apres-vous. [mouths to Pam] No calls.
Kevin: Oooo.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Alright [takes Jan's coat].
Jan: Thank you.
Michael: It's nice to see you.
Jan: Nice to see you too, Michael.
Michael: Really?
Jan: Not like that.
Michael: Oh, well.
Jan: You know Michael, I think I need to make something clear right off the top. I'm not going to discuss anything with you other than Dunder-Mifflin business.
Michael: Alright.
Jan: Period.
Michael: Yep.
Jan: Do we understand each other.
Michael: Absolutely.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: I'm a little confused. 'Cause first it's all like kissy-kissy. And then it's like all regret. Because "Oh, I regret that." But, "Wait, I'm still gonna call you." But, but, "We're just gonna talk business. And I may come down and fire you if you don't do your job." But what were talking about when we first kissed? Business.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jan: So are you still in the middle of the performance reviews then?
Michael: No, no, no, I finished all of that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. Not like wham-bam-thank ya ma'am. But I do say thank ya ma'am. But, I'm, I'm not like wham-bam. Not that there's anything wrong with wham-bam. If it's consensual. [cold Jan stare] We're talking about office stuff. Can I ask you a question?
Jan: No.
Michael: This is a business question. It's nothing personal, I promise.
Jan: Fine.
Michael: Are you wearing a new perfume today?
Jan: How is that a business question?
Michael: Well, you're wearing it at the office. And [smells Jan] it, I'm sorry, but no offense, but it's really sexy.
Jan: Please don't smell me, Michael.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Hey, Jim.
Jim: Hey, how's it goin'?
Pam: Oh my God, did you see "The Apprentice" last night?
Jim: Course, it's on every Thursday night, so how could I miss it?
Pam: Can you believe who Trump fired?
Jim: No, that was unbelievable.
Dwight: Who? Who was it? Who did he fire?
Pam: You didn't see it?
Dwight: No, I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! I never go out on a Thursday night; what the hell was I thinking?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: I don't understand- [phone rings] Hold on. Sorry. [answers] Yes, Pam.
Pam: Michael, it's time for the suggestion box meeting.
Michael: I'm kind of in the middle of something. I wish you wouldn't interrupt.
Pam: You told me to buzz you about the suggestion box meeting when Jan was here.
Michael: I did not, not, not use those words.
Jan: Uh, I'd like to sit in on that meeting [to Pam] is it happening right now?
Michael: No, it's in like ten minutes.
Pam: Everyone's waiting in the conference room.
Jan: Great. Very good.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Why are we here? Because I value your opinions. Now, I know a lot of don't think that I read your suggestions, but I do. I just sift through them every week and I really look and scrutinize to see what you guys are writing. Um, so, let's, uh, just read some of these suckers. Alright. Number one[/b]: "What should we do to prepare for Y2K?"
Dwight: What should we do to prepare for Y2K?
Kelly: I thought you read these every week.
Michael: Well, obviously this one got stuck in the box. [to Jan] That happens occasionally.
Dwight: It happens occasionally.
Michael: And, um, one down. Next suggestion[/b]: "we need better outreach for employees fighting depression". Ok, alright, enough with the jokes. Nobody in here is suffering from depression.
Jan: That sounds serious, Michael.
Michael: Oh, ok, well, yeah, who wrote it?
Dwight: Tom?
Michael: Tom. Then it is a joke because there is nobody in here named Tom.
Phyllis: Tom? He worked in accounting up until about a year ago. [blank stares] Tom? [acts like she's shooting herself in the head] Pow.
Michael: Oh, that guy? That guy was weird. Alright, next suggestion.
Dwight: Next suggestion.
Michael: Arrr, dooby dooby do. "You need to do something about your B.O."
Dwight: You need to do something about your B.O.
Michael: Ok, I don't know who this suggestion is meant for, but it's more of a personal suggestion and it's not an office suggestion. Far be it for me to use this as a platform to embarrass anybody.
Toby: Aren't the suggestions meant for you?
Michael: Well, Toby, if by me you are inferring that I have B.O., then I would say that is a very poor choice of words.
Creed: Uh, Michael, he wasn't inferring, he was implying. You were inferring.
Michael: Was I, Creed?! Ok, well, you know what? I am implying is that when we're on an elevator together, I should maybe take the stairs, because talk about stank. Not that I would ever say something like that in public, and I never have, and I never will. I just think it's something that we should all be aware of. Ok? Now that we've learned this, let's continue. See, this is good, we're learning and we're figuring some stuff out. "You need to do something about your coffee breath"-
Dwight: You need-
Michael: Ok.
Dwight: To do something about-
Michael: Shut up, shut up, shut up, Dwight, OK. I don't think you people are grasping the concept of the suggestion box.
Angela: Sometimes you talk to us real close.
Michael: Yeah, is that hard for you? Alright, well-
Angela: Well, when you have coffee breath-
Michael: I'll work on that-
Angela: It's hard.
Michael: Let's keep going. Keep it going. Yep. What do we have here? We have somebody's piece of gum. Somebody put a piece of gum in there. This is not a, a garbage can, this is the future of our company. This is not a place for gum. I don't wanna have to read these tomorrow.
Dwight: Yeah, who wants to come in on a Saturday?
Michael: Yeah, what? Uh, alright, next suggestion.
Dwight: Next suggestion.
Michael: "Don't sl-", ok, that's blank [Dwight picks up note] Don't, just put it-
Dwight: "Don't sleep with your boss"? Do you think this is referring to you boning Jan?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jan: I can't, I can't-
Michael: I don't understand why you're so upset.
Jan: Please sit down.
Michael: Let me ask you-
Jan: You're gonna sit here and I'm gonna go sit over there.
Michael: Ok, let me ask you this.
Jan: Please, sit yourself down.
Michael: Let me ask you something.
Jan: What, Michael.
Michael: Where did you get your outfit?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: [loud metal music playing in a stairwell; Dwight pacing] You are giving me this raise! I deserve this raise! [plays air guitar] Yes! [kicks] Yes! Yes! Hiya! The least you can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation! Keeya eyah! Yes! Why are you gonna give me this raise? Why? Because... I'm awesome! I am awesome!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: I just don't understand why you have to pretend like nothing happened.
Jan: Because nothing did, Michael. It, I'm not going to say anything more about it, and I would advise that you do the same
Michael: Look-
Dwight: Michael?
Michael: Oh my God...
Dwight: I'm sorry, am I interrupting? Oh God; were you guys making out?
Jan: No, Dwight; come in.
Dwight: Great.
Michael: What do you want Dwight?
Dwight: I am ready for my performance review.
Michael: Ok, great. Your performance has been adequate. You may leave; goodbye.
Jan: Is this how you've been conducting all the reviews, Michael?
Michael: You wanna talk now, good; OK, Dwight, leave.
Dwight: Uh, wait, I would like to discuss my raise?
Michael: Why on earth would we give you a raise?
Dwight: That is an excellent question. Thank you for asking. Let me bring up one word[/b]: dedication. [points to graphs] I have never been late. Also, I have never missed a day due to illness. [Michael sighs] Even when I had walking pneumonia. I even come in on holidays.
Michael: You do? How do you get in?
Dwight: I have a copy of your key.
Jan: That's a serious offense!
Michael: That is a serious offense. Very serious. As is toying with a man's heart.
Jan: Oh! Michael, for God sakes!
Dwight: I'd also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace.
Michael: Ok, third wheel, why don't you do that?
Dwight: For instance, the time I brought in deer jerky for the whole office.
Michael: That was deer!? Gross, oh!
Dwight: You liked it!
Michael: Oh, did not!
Dwight: Jan, have you ever had deer?
Jan: No.
Dwight: It's a delicacy. And you know what? It's an aphrodisiac. So when we're done here, you guys could go over to The Antler Lodge, sample some deer and talk about my raise.
Michael: What do you say, Jan?
Jan: Ok! Here's what I'm gonna do[/b]: I'm gonna step outside, collect my thoughts, and I will return in about ten minutes.
Michael: Ok. You just, uh, clear your head.
Jan: [Dwight opens door] Thank you, Dwight.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jan: Look, I know it's your job, I know you have to ask, but I promise you, I'm not gonna discuss it with him, I'm certainly not gonna discuss it with you. [digs a cigarette out of her purse] Do you have a light?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: And in conclusion, I think that Lex Luthor said it best when he said "Dad, you have no idea what I'm capable of".
Michael: That's from Superman?
Dwight: Smallville. And that is why, I feel, that I deserve this raise.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Do you think Michael and Jan actually...
Jim: I don't really wanna picture it. But thank you, Pam.
Pam: How do you come back from that?
Jim: Um, you don't, I don't think, come all the way back, you know. Especially working together.
Pam: No, I mean doing that with Michael. How do you come back from that?
Jim: Oh-
Pam: As a human being.
Jim: Yeah, no, I don't think you can.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jan: I'm heading back to New York; Alan and I will conduct your performance review over the phone tomorrow.
Michael: Wait.
Jan: 'K?
Michael: Wait, wait, wait, come, I just, I just wanna know why?
Jan: Michael, now is not the time or the place.
Michael: Ok, so you're saying that there is a different time or place?
Jan: No, I am saying we are never having this conversation.
Michael: Well, ok, well never as in 'never ever ever', or never as in there's still a chance?
Jan: Never, for me, always means 'never ever ever.'
Michael: I just want to know, from the horse's mouth, what is the dealio?
Jan: Michael, it has nothing-
Michael: Am I too short?
Jan: With your looks, ok? It's your personality. I mean, you're obnoxious, and rude, and, and, and stupid, and you do have coffee breath, by the way, and, and I don't agree about the b.o., but you are very, very inconsiderate.
Michael: Really?
Jan: Really. You're, you're, you're a great guy, ok?
Michael: I appreciate that, thank you.
Jan: And you were very sweet, and you stayed up with me and talked with me, cried with me, and I appreciate that-
Michael: No, I wasn't, I didn't cry-
Jan: At this time in my life. I just am not in the place right now where I'm looking for a relationship, so we can still work together, we can still be friends but... ok?
Michael: So my looks have nothing to do with it?
Jan: Ohhh, God.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Jan is not in a place where she feels she can have a relationship right now. And it doesn't matter how great a guy I am. And that is all I needed; I'm good. I can go home now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Hey, it's 12:20; where the hell's Dwight?
Jim: Ummm... no idea.
Michael: Never missed a day, my ass.
Pam: [Jim bows to Pam; she bows back] Thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: [running through parking lot] I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! It's ok! | Plan: A: their annual performance reviews; Q: When does Michael meet with his employees? A: Jan.; Q: Who is Michael's performance review with? A: the suggestion box; Q: Where does Michael get tips on how to improve his performance? A: the attempt; Q: What ends in disaster when Jan discovers that Michael has told his employees about their romantic encounter? Summary: Michael conferences with the employees during their annual performance reviews, while he worries about his own upcoming performance review with Jan. He takes tips from the suggestion box on ways to better himself, but the attempt ends in disaster when Jan discovers that Michael has told his employees about their romantic encounter. |
[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - DRIVEWAY -- DAY]
(Driveway gate automatically rolls open and a Black Chevy Truck drives up the driveway (with Nevada License #510-ZHI). There's shrubbery in the back of the truck with gardening tools/equipment.)
(The truck stops and the gardener holding a red Big Drink cup exits. He takes a sip, puts the cup back in the car and closes door. He takes keys out of pocket and releases the back hatch of the truck to get his tools out and to get to work.)
(Two large dogs whimpering pass through the unlocked backyard gate and greet the surprised gardener.)
Gardener: Hey. How'd you guys get out?
(The dogs bark a couple of times and head back into the yard through the gate. The gardener follows.)
[EXT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(The dogs stand at the back glass sliding door. They bark and whimper at something inside. The doors are closed. The gardener takes off his dark glasses and approaches the dogs.)
Gardener: What's the matter, boys?
(He pets the dogs trying to calm them down. Still, the dogs bark and whimper at something inside.)
Gardener: Easy. Hey ...
(He tries the doors, they're locked. Steps up close and peers in, his face extremely close to the glass. Off his face, he's surprised and horrified by the sight.)
(There is a man lying on the floor in his white boxer shorts. He appears to be dead.)
QUICK FLASH TO WHITE:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - OUT FRONT - DAY]
(CATHERINE makes her way up the driveway to the house. She's carrying her CSI kit and maneuvers through the police officers out front. On the driveway there are at least four police cars. She passes a TV news crew and photographers. All around her, there are indistinct radio chatter, helicopter whirring overhead and cameras shuttering and clicking.)
[INT. FOYER - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(CATHERINE makes it to the front door and is stopped by the officer just inside the door. On the ground inside is GRISSOM. He's on his knees, his face close to the ground, his flashlight in hand. He's looking for something ... or looking at something.)
(CATHERINE sees this and slowly kneels down to assist in the search.)
Catherine: (to GRISSOM) Have you been inside?
(GRISSOM waves his free hand absently. Signaling that he's concentrating on the search for ... whatever. Not wanting to disturb anything, but ready to help, CATHERINE pulls off her sunglasses and leans in close as GRISSOM hones in on it.)
Catherine: What have you got?
(GRISSOM doesn't say anything. He slowly picks it up. Checks to make sure it's there ... and hands the contact lens to the officer standing nearby.)
Grissom: There you go, detective.
Detective: Thanks. Little tired this morning. Pulling a double.
Catherine: Yeah, join the club.
(CATHERINE and GRISSOM stand.)
Grissom: Good morning, Catherine.
Catherine: Good morning, Gil. So, this is Tony Braun's house. Son of Sam Braun.
(As they walk further into the house, they notice that on the table in the foyer there are framed family photographs. The camera focuses on a particular professional family photograph of Sam Braun (mature man sitting in the center), two males (each one standing to each side of and behind him), and two females (next to the sons on the outside).)
Grissom: He was Steve Wynn before Steve Wynn.
Catherine: Oh, yeah, you bet your ass. (she puts on her gloves) Sam came to Vegas when Vegas was dying. Built three casinos in a year. Had ties to Bugsy Siegel.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS]
Brass: Wish I had Tony Braun's gardener working for me. Guy sniffed it out from the jump. Blinds were drawn shut. Side gate unlocked. Dogs let out. "A" plus "B" plus "C" equals 9-1-1.
(There are a couple of officers in the room. The television set's on with the football game in progress. Tony Braun's body is on the carpeted floor. He's wearing white boxer shorts and a dark shirt. On the coffee table next to him is a wine bottle, an empty wine glass, some drug paraphernalia and other stuff.)
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE move in past BRASS to examine the body and scene.)
Grissom: All seems very neat and peaceful, doesn't it?
[Clips of the crime scene from various perspectives flash in quick pulses: * Upper Body shot of the victim on the floor. Flash to white: * Close up of empty pill bottle next to the victim's right hand. Too far away to make out the prescription label. Flash to white: * Low angle of the stuff on the table: a used wine glass, a slip of foil, an empty highball glass. Flash to white.]
(CATHERINE picks up a piece of foil that was used for the drugs.)
Catherine: Chasing the dragon. A pinch of "H." Heat the foil. Inhale the fumes.
[* close up of empty pill container from SKADDEN'S PHARMACY (78566 Ambers Ave...). From what we can see of the prescription label, it says: (Name) Tony Braun (Fill Date) 9/25/01 (Phone No.) 555-0190 Take One tablet when ... Do not exceed 3 Tablets ... XANAX (Expires) 07/25/02 (Refill) 1
The side yellow label says: CAUTION: DO NOT TAKE WITH ALCOHOL.]
(GRISSOM picks up the pill bottle and begins to read part of the label.)
Grissom: With a Xanax back. 100 pills. Prescription filled yesterday.
Brass: So the rumors about ol' Tony boy are true. Drug overdose.
Catherine: It sure seems that way.
(GRISSOM shakes his head.)
Grissom: If only life were that simple.
HARD CUT TO: END OF TEASER. ROLL TITLE CREDITS.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - DAY]
(Extreme close up of a camera lens as it flashes. SARA is taking crime scene photos while GRISSOM is busy over the body. She snaps two pictures and takes the film out of the camera. SARA hands the film to THE COURIER waiting nearby.)
(Cut to close up of Tony Braun's right arm and hand. GRISSOM takes out a container.)
Sara: (to the COURIER) Eight rolls. Two copies. Case is hot. Put a rush on it.
Courier: Okay.
(THE COURIER leaves. SARA sees something on the carpet and picks it up. She holds it up for closer inspection.)
Sara: Lose an earring?
Grissom: Looks like somebody did.
(SARA bags the earring backing. GRISSOM uncaps the container and uses the cover to take a sample of the clear sticky goo on Tony Braun's wrist.)
Grissom: He's got adhesive residue on his wrists.
Sara: He was restrained. Some sort of tape.
Grissom: Well, that would be the obvious.
Sara: Braun had company.
Grissom: Welcome ... or unwelcome?
Sara: Where's the purge? Car blows its engine, there's an oil leak. A guy ODs, where's the body fluid? Urine, vomit, excrement.
Grissom: Did somebody clean him up?
(SARA notices and focuses in on three red spots on Tony Braun's upper chest.)
Sara: Interesting love bites on the chest.
Grissom: Curious, isn't it?
(SARA realizes something else and puts her flashlight down.)
Sara: And he's posed.
(Camera shot of Tony Braun's body flat on his back on the floor with his arms a little away from his sides shows us what SARA sees. She turns to GRISSOM.)
Sara: When did you know this was a homicide and not an O.D.?
Grissom: Initially?
Sara: Yeah.
Grissom: When I saw the TV on.
(GRISSOM points to the television set. The camera cuts to the television screen where the football game continues.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - DAY]
(NICK is playing with and vigorously petting Tony Braun's dogs inside the backyard near the gate. CATHERINE walks by, she stops as she puts on her latex gloves and watches the interaction. NICK notices CATHERINE and smiles up at her.)
Catherine: Well, I'll tell you one thing -- if those were my dogs, I wouldn't be leaving this gate open.
Nick: Yeah, you're talking about a dog owner on heroin. How responsible can he be?
Catherine: Gardener said it was the first time in five years that he'd found this gate unlocked.
(NICK stands and looks at CATHERINE through the gate bars.)
Nick: What's so different about this morning?
Catherine: Last morning of Tony Braun's life? Well, either somebody inside the house opened it, or somebody had a key because this lock hasn't been forced. There's no pry marks. No metal shavings.
Nick: So ... why was the gate open?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - BEDROOM - DAY]
(CLOSE UP of about 12+ pill containers on the dresser top - both prescription (from SKADDEN'S PHARMCY) and over-the-counter -- little black, red and white balloons scattered, an open white box of cigarettes along with other stuff.)
(In the background near the door, BRASS is going through the contents on top of a second dresser.)
Warrick: A heroin addict's confetti. Nothing like going on a binge.
(WARRICK picks up a single empty, open small red balloon with forceps.)
(Flash to white. The camera does a quick CGI flash close-up journeying into the balloon and shows black residue stuck to the inner walls of the rubber. The balloon itself is empty of its contents. Flash to white.)
(Cut back to WARRICK holding the red balloon with forceps.)
Warrick: Black tar heroin. This is the difference between a Cadillac and a Pinto.
Brass: How would you know?
Warrick: It's my job. (he puts the balloon back on the dresser) I count at least six balloons, and that's just in the bedroom. The dealer must have come down the chimney. It's like Christmas in July here.
(WARRICK crouches down so that he's eye level with the prescription bottles on the dresser.)
Warrick: Not that Braun even needed any more drugs.
Brass: Yeah, looks like the guy had a pill for everything. Can you get a print off those balloons?
(WARRICK throws BRASS a look.)
Warrick: I can get a print off the air.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY]
(SARA is going through TONY BRAUN'S KITCHEN. She shuts the cabinet door under the sink, stands and moves to look through another cabinet. She's looking for something.)
(GRISSOM walks in.)
Grissom: Any luck?
Sara: I have gone through every garbage can in the house.
Grissom: What about the cans outside?
Sara: First thing I checked. Zip.
(GRISSOM walks out of the kitchen.)
(SARA opens another cabinet door under the counter and pulls out the kitchen garbage bin. It's full. She puts the garbage bin on the counter and begins to go through it.)
(She removes an empty clear package and puts it aside. She pulls out an empty box of Saltine Crackers, shakes it and hears something in it. She opens it and uses a pair of forceps to pull out a scrunched up wad of silver-gray colored duct tape.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - BACK DOOR - DAY]
(NICK is walking along the back of the house. He hears a dog's whimper. He stops and scratches his left ankle. He notices the doggie door in the back door is open. He pauses and looks at it. Considers the possibilities.)
(He tries the door knob. It's locked. He runs his latex-gloved finger along the top of the doggie door and pulls out the supplies to print the entire section.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- FORENSIC AUTOPSY BAY -- DAY]
(GRISSOM enters.)
Grissom: Hey, Doc.
Robbins: Leg fell asleep.
(ROBBINS is legless. He looks up from working on his leg and puts it back on. He gets up and moves toward the body.)
Robbins: I always wondered which one of us coroners would get to carve Tony.
(He and GRISSOM get to work on the body.)
Robbins: His lifestyle was no secret -- s*x, drugs and a big bankroll. No needle marks on his arms. The guy plays golf; short-sleeved shirts checked between the toes ... groin area. Whatever he did went up his nose.
(ROBBINS leans in to point toward the inside of TONY BRAUN'S nose.)
Robbins: His nasal cavity looks like raw hamburger.
(The camera does a low pan from TONY BRAUN'S upper chest, up his neck, past his mouth and in toward his nose. The camera view continues to show an extreme close-up of the inside of his nose. Flash to white. Back to GRISSOM looking down on the body.)
Grissom: These abrasions around his mouth? What? Hard to shave when you're stoned?
Robbins: Or they're pressure marks. For example, if someone places a pillow or object against someone's nose and mouth in the climate of struggle.
Grissom: Petechial hemorrhaging? Also suggestive of suffocation.
Robbins: Not always. For as much as pathology is an absolute science, it isn't. Vessels can rupture under innocent circumstances such as a violent cough.
Grissom: These three, circular, red marks on his chest? They're not bug bites.
Robbins: No neurotoxins present but that's not to say some overanxious paramedic trying to save a legend's life didn't cause them in the moment.
Grissom: CPR wasn't performed.
Robbins: Then I don't know what they are.
Grissom: It's hard to OD just inhaling heroin. I know he was restrained which leads me to believe that someone forced him to ingest lethal amounts of heroin and Xanax.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR -- DAY]
(A blonde-haired woman holding a digital camcorder and walking rapidly to the house nearly collides with a police officer holding a clip board. There is indistinct radio chatter in the background.)
Janine Haywood: Excuse me.
(The woman makes her way into the house.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TONY BRAUN'S RESIDENCE - THE FOYER - CONTINUOUS]
(BRASS and CATHERINE are exiting the living room when they have the misfortune to be the first to come upon the blonde-haired woman.)
Janine Haywood: Boy, are you lucky my lawyer's on a golf course. I've been standing out here, in the heat for hours, answering these stupid questions. Here's your answer, okay. This is my house. Okay? This is half my house anyway.
(JANINE HAYWOOD turns her digital camcorder on and begins to walk around the room ... recording.)
Catherine: Who's this?
Brass: It's Braun's "Squeeze". She's an ex-stripper, too. Perhaps you two met in a professional capacity.
Janine Haywood: (in the background) These are my things ...
Catherine: And, uh, where has she been the past 12 hours?
Janine Haywood: (in the background) Oh, my god.
Brass: Uh, let's see.
(BRASS pulls out his notebook, flips open to a couple of pages getting ready to answer CATHERINE'S question.)
Brass: Quote: "Out." Endquote. When Tony's drug dealer showed up, she split. She slept at a friend's house. She didn't like the way Tony acted when he was cruising on magic carpets.
(JANINE HAYWOOD turns her camcorder on BRASS and CATHERINE.)
Janine Haywood: Listen -- if anything is missing from this house I'm going to add you to my lawyer's "to sue" list.
(BRASS moves to block the camera's view, CATHERINE moves off to the side to look for something in her kit, and JANINE puts her camcorder down.)
Brass: Why don't you just put the camera away before you get arrested?
Janine Haywood: You can't arrest me in my own house.
Catherine: Right now, your house is our crime scene ... and we can do whatever we want and that includes fingerprinting you.
(CATHERINE pulls out her fingerprint kit and starts fingerprinting JANINE.)
Janine Haywood: Why? Didn't do anything.
Catherine: Thumb to pinkie.
Janine Haywood: I just lost my boyfriend, okay? You're a woman. I'm just looking out for my end here, you know? Things start to disappear. If Tony were here right now, he'd tell you himself, "just make sure Janine's taken care of."
Brass: That's a lawyer's call.
Janine Haywood: Hey, I'm in the will.
Catherine: Of course you are.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT LAS VEGAS (STOCK) SHOT OF THE TANGIERS CASINO -- DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CASINO - DAY]
(CATHERINE walks up to the reception desk.)
Receptionist: Can I help you?
Catherine: Yeah. Is Sam Braun in?
Receptionist: He's not seeing anyone today.
Catherine: Would you let him know that Catherine Willows is here to see him?
(The receptionist passes the message along (through the computer keyboard) and waits as she gets a response back over her headset.)
Receptionist: Just one second, please.
(The Receptionist leaves CATHERINE at the desk. It doesn't take long before an older white-haired man appears behind her.)
Sam Braun: Mugs?
(CATHERINE turns around, she smiles and gives the old man a hug.)
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
SCENE #12
[INT. CASINO - THE MAIN FLOOR - DAY]
(CATHERINE and SAM BRAUN walk arm in arm along the casino floor.)
Sam Braun: I remember the first time I saw you. You didn't have any clothes on.
Catherine: Yeah, well, that was a long time ago.
Sam Braun: I would've taken you home right then if I could have.
Catherine: I know, but you were married and I was a baby. It would've never worked. Sam ... how are you holding up?
(Before he can answer her, WALT BRAUN appears in front of them.)
Walt Braun: Hey, dad, I got the press clogging up valet. Should I call security or just handle it, or what?
Sam Braun: I'll take care of it. You go back to the pit. Make sure nobody's robbing us blind.
(SAM BRAUN turns away from his son leaving him standing there. He takes CATHERINE'S arm and continues to walk across the Casino Floor.)
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
SCENE #13
[INT. CASINO - RESTAURANT TABLE - DAY]
(CATHERINE and SAM BRAUN reminisce over their drinks.)
Sam Braun: You know, back in, uh ... in '67 I was in my 20s and ... I was drinking in a dive in downtown Buffalo. At the end of the bar was this pro quarterback drinking double scotches, two at t time midnight to 7:00 in the morning. It's Sunday, game day, mind you. So you know what I did? Called my bookie, bet against him. Guess what? I'll be damned if he didn't throw six touchdown passes.
Catherine: (Laughing): Yeah ... sounds like Tony.
Sam Braun: You know, even when Tony was juicing he could run circles around these college, Harvard types ... and I'm not saying that just because he was my kid. Tony was the best damn casino exec this town has ever seen and just between you and me ... I couldn't hold a candle to him. Now he's dead. Overdose.
Catherine: Sam ... the bigger the pedestal the bigger the target.
Sam Braun: Nobody shoots at that target without going through me.
Catherine: Well, that's business. What about personal?
Sam Braun: What do you mean?
Catherine: Did you ever talk to Tony about any of his girlfriends?
Sam Braun: Which one? I mean, they were all trying to pick the gold out of his teeth.
Catherine: Janine Haywood.
Sam Braun: She's the worst ... and he loved her the most. Can you believe it?
Catherine: Yeah, I do.
Sam Braun: If I know her type, now that she has the gold she'll be going after the silver.
(Camera holds on CATHERINE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- PRINT LAB]
(GRISSOM AND HIS LAB EXPERIMENT to get the fingerprints off of the plastic prescription drug pill container.)
(GRISSOM takes the empty prescription bottle and hangs it on an upside-down stand. He proceeds to process the bottle to extract the fingerprints on it by heating glue and exposing the bottle to the fumes in a sealed environment. He removes the bottle from the stand and gently brushes it. When he's done, there are lots of fingerprints around the bottle.)
(Camera close-up holds on the prescription bottle with visible fingerprints.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - PRINT LAB]
(CATHERINE is at the computer monitor. GRISSOM is sitting on the chair next to her.)
Catherine: Okay, on the left, Braun prints we got from the coroner and on the right, gold digger prints I got from Janine Haywood.
Grissom: Here's where it gets interesting. I took six prints off this bottle.
Catherine: And?
Grissom: They all belong to one person.
Catherine: Good thing or ... bad thing?
Grissom: It's good if you're us ...
(The computer beeps. The print on the left is place on the print on the right. It rotates 180 degrees till it's upside down and shows no differences. The red print on the right enlarges and moves to the center of the screen. It shows a match.)
Grissom: Bad if you're Janine Haywood.
(CATHERINE and GRISSOM both look pleased.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- HALLWAY]
(GRISSOM walks out of a room into the hallway traffic. He takes a sip of coffee from the cup he's holding. His face shows his distaste with the cup's contents. He's met up by WARRICK. They continue walking.)
Warrick: Have you seen Brass?
Grissom: Not tonight, no. Why?
Warrick: Oh. "Print off air." Orange balloon. Cyanoacrylate. Dead bang, drug dealer.
(WARRICK heads off in another direction. GRISSOM nearly walks into SARA as she's in a rush to get to wherever it is she's going. She's holding a plastic bag with the wad of duct tape from the kitchen garbage bin.)
Sara: Ooh, ooh, watch it! Evidence.
Grissom: Where did you get it?
Sara: Cracker box. It was all stuck together, muckety-muck. I don't want to ruin any potential prints but I saw this TV dinner commercial and it hit me. I'm going to put it in the freezer.
(SARA continues down the hallway. GRISSOM turns around and continues on to his destination.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM]
(GRISSOM reaches the Lounge/Break Room (whatever it's called). NICK is sitting at the table working on something.)
Grissom: Did you try this coffee?
Nick: Mm-mmm. [Translation: No.]
Grissom: The last cup I had tasted like motor oil.
(GRISSOM picks up the pot of coffee. From straight down the hallway, GREG runs to intercept the coffee pot and GRISSOM'S cup. He stops in front of GRISSOM.)
Greg: Oh, don't touch it. That's my pot!
Grissom: Your pot?
Greg: Yeah, you know, from my own private stash. (He picks up the coffee bag.) Blue Hawaiian -- $40 a pound. Only grown a couple times a year on the Big Island hand-picked to perfection.
Grissom: Good. You're using my water so I guess that makes it community coffee.
(GRISSOM pours himself a cup. He turns and offers NICK a cup also.)
Grissom: You want a cup, Nick?
(NICK looks over at GRISSOM and scratches his lower leg.)
Nick: No, thanks.
Grissom: What's the matter with your leg?
Nick: I don't know, man. Something back at that house must have bit me.
(NICK opens the bottle of rubbing alcohol on the table and begins to soak up the cotton wipe. GRISSOM is drinking his coffee and reading the back of the coffee bag. GREG reaches for the coffee pot, pours himself a cup and sees NICK do this.)
Greg: Oh, is that alcohol on a bug bite? That's like butter on burns, man. Wives' tale.
(NICK is definitely rubbing the alcohol on the bug bite.)
Nick: Yeah, this is the guy who told me to put hemorrhoid cream on my acne.
(GRISSOM smiles at this.)
Greg: It worked, didn't it?
(GREG grabs his bag of Blue Hawaiian coffee out of GRISSOM'S hands and leaves the room.)
Grissom: (about the coffee) This is pretty good.
(Approaches NICK at the table and looks down at the bite on NICK'S leg.)
Grissom: Let me see the bite before you get gangrene. Chigger bite.
Nick: Yeah?
Grissom: Probably picked it up walking through the ferns in Braun's backyard. See if Catherine's got some clear nail polish. It'll seal it off from the air, keep it from itching.
Grissom: Ah -- Whatever happened with that doggy door?
Nick: Something definitely two-legged went through it. Got mostly partials. Print lab's working on it now.
Grissom: Be sure to check it against Janine Haywood's prints.
(NICK nods. GRISSOM and his cup of coffee leave the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. FORENSIC AUTOPSY BAY]
(ROBBINS' holding up a clear container of brown liquid stuff.)
Robbins: Braun's stomach contents. No food. Plenty of drugs.
Grissom: Xanax?
Robbins: And heroin.
(ROBBINS hands the container to GRISSOM.)
Catherine: I thought he inhaled it.
Robbins: Inhaled and ingested.
Catherine: He ate it?
Robbins: Got there somehow.
(GRISSOM holds the container up to the light and is looking for something inside it.)
Grissom: Where are all the undissolved pills?
Robbins: Didn't find any.
Grissom: Most OD's die before digestion's complete, right?
Robbins: My guess, someone mashed up the Xanax, dissolved them in red wine, which I did find.
Grissom: Okay, so what do we know that we can write home about?
Catherine: Well, Braun was a heroin addict using heavy just before he died which means he was probably meek as a lamb.
Grissom: Wouldn't have taken much to bind his hands with duct tape.
Catherine: And make him drink hemlock. It's a lot easier to pour liquid down a guy's throat than it is to make him swallow a hundred pills.
Robbins: It wasn't a hundred pills.
Grissom: How many?
Robbins: Educated, unofficial guess: No more than fifty.
(GRISSOM looks at the container he's holding.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) -- NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. ALLEYWAY -- NIGHT]
Brass: Based on your pupes, I could take you in right now.
Skinny (drug dealer): Hey, man, I'm in mourning. It's tears you see. I lost a customer. It's like losing my job, kind of.
Warrick: You're Braun's grocery store.
Skinny: But I deliver.
Brass: When did you last deliver?
Skinny: Night before he croaked. About nine o'clock -- ask his woman. She's fine, too.
Brass: Well, she told us as soon as you got there, she left.
Skinny: Oh, she didn't go that fast. I dropped off some balloons, Braun paid me, she gave me a tip.
Brass: What? "Shave the soul patch?"
Skinny: No. Thirty Xanadus.
Warrick: Xanax?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CASINO/HOTEL LOBBY]
Janine Haywood: I told you I dropped them down the bathroom sink.
Brass: First time I heard that.
Janine Haywood: Look, I took two, gave Tony two and I accidentally dropped fifteen or twenty down the sink. It was an accident. You know, an accident? Haven't you ever spilled a drink?
Catherine: Not lately. We found fifty Xanax in Tony's stomach.
Janine Haywood: Don't pin that on me. I'd left.
Catherine: I'll tell you what you left -- your fingerprints all over the prescription bottle.
Janine Haywood: I went to the pharmacy waited in line picked up the prescription signed for it brought it back to the house. You know, Tony did nothing for himself except work and get high.
Brass: Got you a brand-new Mercedes, didn't it?
Janine Haywood: Yes, it did. And it'll buy me the dress I wear at Tony's funeral, too.
Brass: Look, when you left your half a house where did you go?
Janine Haywood: A friend's.
Brass: Well, let's get her on the line.
Janine Haywood: She's out of town.
Brass: Let me guess -- she's incommunicado.
Janine Haywood: That means you can't reach her? Yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- HALLWAY]
(CATHERINE is carrying a big life-sized dummy down the hallway. She bumps into two men as they walk by her. She seems in a hurry and knows where she's going.)
Catherine: Oh, mind the dummy.
(CAMERA travels seemlessly into the next office which just happens to be ... )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GREG'S LAB]
(GRISSOM appears in the room. He glances down at his watch.)
Grissom: It's been 24 minutes, Greg. When's this thing going to be done?
Greg: Well, with all due respect, sir, it's not a baked potato. It's Braun's blood and with all the impurities in his system it might take a little extra time.
(GREG nods his head and changes the subject.)
Greg: Did I ever tell you I used to live in New York?
Grissom: Is this going to be a short story or a novel?
(The mass spectrometer beeps and spews out the test results.)
Greg: Excuse me. You know, heroin has a nine-minute half-life. After that, it metabolizes into morphine.
Grissom: What's the 6-MAM count?
Greg: A hundred fifty-eight (158) nanograms per mil. Definitely not lethal. The same with your Xanax. Quarter-mil tabs, hundred (100) micrograms per liter. Again, not lethal. There's addicts walking around times square with more drugs in their system.
Grissom: So Braun should still be walking around.
(GRISSOM starts to leave the room, but stops as he passes GREG'S desk. He's just gotta ask ... )
Grissom: ... and the point of your New York story was ... ?
Greg: Oh, I was just going to tell you about another way to take heroin -- a suppository up the coolee. You just stand on your head, and then you let gravity ...
(Off GRISSOM'S strange look, GREG decides to ... )
Greg: ... forget it.
(GRISSOM leaves. Hold on GREG.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM]
(CATHERINE drops the dummy on the floor. GRISSOM walks in holding a paper package containing some kind of evidence.)
Grissom: Braun didn't die of a drug overdose accidental or otherwise.
Catherine: I figured. So why'd I bring the dummy?
(GRISSOM opens the package, takes out its contents and drops the empty package on the floor.)
Catherine: Braun's shirt.
Grissom: Robbins opened him up. His lungs were compressed. Remember Burke and Hare the two 19th century Scottish body snatchers who made a living intoxicating innocent victims and suffocating them? Sold their cadavers to teaching hospitals? Got away with it, too, until a medical student discovered his fiancée on a slab.
Catherine: Is this part of the Sherlock Holmes Fan Club Kit?
(Together, CATHERINE and GRISSOM start to dress the dummy.)
Grissom: Janine Haywood said that she left the house when the drug dealer arrived. I think she came back.
Catherine: So Braun would have been on his third or fourth balloon by then.
(Quick Flashback to Tony Braun doing drugs. He lights up the foil and inhales. Flash to white. Camera on GRISSOM.)
Grissom: Would have been easy to tape his wrists mash up fifty pills ...
(Quick Flashback to: A woman's hand holding the Xanax prescription bottle and pouring a bunch of pills into an empty ash tray. Flash to white. The woman using a shot glass to mash the pills in the ash tray. Flash to white. The white powder being poured into a wine glass. )
Grissom: ... and force-feed him a Xanax cocktail.
(Continuing Flashback: A woman holding Tony Braun's head back and getting ready to pour the mixture down his throat. Tony Braun swallowing some of the mixture. Flash to white. End of Flashback. Resume Present.)
Grissom: So everything was going great until the gardener showed up. Then I think her plan turned to panic. It takes time to OD -- time Janine didn't have.
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE finish dressing the dummy. GRISSOM begins to rub carbon-paper on the buttons of the shirt to stain them.)
Grissom: Burke would kneel on his victim's chest, right, covering their mouth and nostrils.
Catherine: But when you're doing drugs, you're a slob; and when you're being manhandled, you're even sloppier. Like this.
(To demonstrate the theory, CATHERINE grabs the shirt the dummy wears and puts her knee on the dummy's chest.)
(Quick Flashback to a woman's knee on Tony Braun's chest while covering his nose and mouth.)
(CATHERINE gets off of the dummy and opens up the shirt to reveal three black stains on the dummy's white chest. She smiles.)
Catherine: He was "burked".
(The telephone rings. GRISSOM stands to answer it.)
Grissom: (on phone) Hello.
(Over the phone, we can make out a lot of static and an unrecognizable voice talking.)
Grissom: (on phone) Where?
(Still more static and unrecognizable voice.)
Grissom: (on phone) Brass, you're breaking up.
(GRISSOM hangs up.)
Grissom: (to CATHERINE) Said he was in Blue Diamond, digging something up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DESERT ROAD TO BLUE DIAMOND -- DAY]
(Five police cars race down the dusty sand road. Their sirens are wailing, lights flashing. Lead car license plate #52980.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(A lone man is using a shovel and digging in the dry ground in front of his parked white Isuzu truck/van. He stops and holds up his hands as the police cars park.)
Curt Ritten: Hey ... hey, what's going on?
Brass: Anybody ever tell you to call before you dig?
Curt Ritten: I got permission to be here.
Brass: Oh, is that right? From who? A dead man? You got a name?
Curt Ritten: My name's Curt Ritten. Look, Tony Braun was a friend of mine, right? This is his property. He calls me about a month ago. He says "if anything should happen to me, you start digging. You take care of what's mine at all costs." That's what I'm doing.
(GRISSOM peers in and sees something in CURT RITTEN'S truck. He notes it to CATHERINE. Inside the truck, we see three rolls of silver-gray duct tape.)
Brass: Do me a favor, Curt Ritten. Put down the shovel.
Curt Ritten: Okay.
Brass: Stand over there.
Curt Ritten: Okay.
Catherine: (to GRISSOM) Maybe Janine had a helper.
Brass: (to GRISSOM and CATHERINE) Hey, guys, you might want to check out the basement.
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE approach to see what CURT RITTEN was digging up. In the ground is a large padlocked door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The padlock is broken open.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. UNDERGROUND BASEMENT -- DAY]
(The door opens.)
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE descend the stairway into a cave filled with lots of loot. Shelves of silver bullion, silver candelabras, silver dishes. They seem absolutely astounded by the vault.)
Grissom: "A sable cloud turns forth its silver lining to the night."
[Note: Quote is from John Milton's "Comus" (1634).]
Catherine: That's a lot of motive.
Grissom: And a lot of silver.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(SARA opens the freezer door and removes the wad of duct tape that she found in Tony Braun's kitchen garbage bin. She puts it on the lab table and begins to unravel it. It unsticks easily.)
(With a brush, she "paints" on a solution made with liquid soap and black print powder. With a washer, she washes it away to reveal the fingerprints underneath. She holds her find up to the light just as WARRICK walks in. He holds up a string with the tape on it.)
Warrick: Okay, three rolls of tape found in the truck owned by Curt Ritten.
Sara: Nice. Let's see if that's where my print came from.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(Under the microscope, the edges of the duct tape do not match the tape sample SARA found in the garbage bin.)
Warrick: No match!
Sara: Oh, listen to you. Would you rather hit a home run in the fourth or the bottom of the ninth?
(WARRICK throws SARA a look.)
Sara: Let me ask you something. Braun collected silver -- coins, bullion -- 23 tons of it. Why bury it in Blue Diamond?
Warrick: 'Cause he was smart. In the past 20 years the value of silver's gone to nothing and a commodity broker's going to charge you a storage fee per troy ounce and there's only one thing worse than losing seven to eight percent on silver a year and that's losing nine to ten percent because of some stupid storage fee.
(As he talks, WARRICK checks the duct tape sample against the other duct tape rolls. The second try doesn't work.)
Sara: What good's collecting silver coupons when you're dead?
Warrick: Depends on who's doing the clipping.
(WARRICK checks the final duct tape roll and finds ... )
Warrick: Oh, we got a positive association. Roll to tape. Curt to Tony.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. BLUE DIAMOND UNDERGROUND VAULT -- DAY]
(BRASS questions CURT RITTEN. GRISSOM is behind them. He just got off the cell phone and is holding the phone close to his chest.)
Curt Ritten: You arresting me for digging?
Brass: No, burglary, theft and conspiracy, to start.
Curt Ritten: Tony asked me to move his silver collection up to his ranch in Wyoming. I'm doing what I was told.
Grissom: Mr. Ritten ... it appears that we may have physical evidence connecting you to the murder of Tony Braun.
Curt Ritten: Look, I had nothing to do with the drugs. I swear to you, I haven't messed around with that stuff in a long time. I was always telling Tony, as a friend to get off of it, to walk away.
Brass: How'd you know where the silver was buried?
Curt Ritten: Because I built the vault for him. I'm a contractor. That's what I do.
Brass: Ever work on his house?
Curt Ritten: No. We did ... we did talk about me building a basement for him once. It never got off the ground.
Brass: Oh, so, you've been to his house?
Curt Ritten: (to BRASS) We were friends. I've been to his house plenty of times. I was there a couple weeks ago. We were watching the Notre Dame game together.
Grissom: Did you ever leave anything there? Did you ever bring anything over to his house?
Curt Ritten: (to GRISSOM) Yeah, I brought a six-pack and some chips - (to BRASS) sour cream.
Brass: Tools of the trade, Curt. Construction items -- hammer, duct tape?
Curt Ritten: No. Why would I do that? I got no idea what you're talking about.
Brass: Yeah, well, whatever you don't tell us, we'll find it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CURT RITTEN'S RESIDENCE - DAY]
(The door unlocks and opens. CATHERINE and DET. SAM VEGA walk into a darkened living room. The Detective is holding a warrant.)
Det. Sam Vega: That's the quickest warrant I ever got.
Catherine: Yep. Braun family. Long arms.
Catherine: I thought you said that Ritten's wife lives in Carson City.
(CATHERINE notices a woman's skirt draped on the back of the couch.)
Det. Sam Vega: She does. They both do. He just stays here when he's working.
Catherine: Or digging up silver.
(They hear a noise coming from another room. DET. SAM VEGA unholsters his gun.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(DET. SAM VEGA and CATHERINE make their way down the hallway.)
Catherine: Mrs. Ritten?
(No response.)
Catherine: Criminalistics.
(Now, we can hear the sounds of water running in the shower.)
Det. Sam Vega: Police officer.
(The bathroom door is slightly open. The light is on inside. The two approach the bathroom and promptly run into ... )
Janine Haywood: Geez! You scared me. How'd you get in here?
Catherine: I don't have to ask you that question.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI LAB]
Warrick: How can this be, Mandy? We found the duct tape in the guy's truck.
(Both WARRICK and SARA are in the lab. MANDY is on the computer telling them the bad news about the prints on their duct tape.)
Sara: You're telling us the prints on that tape aren't his or hers?
Mandy: Well, if their names are Curt Ritten and Janine Haywood the answer's, "no, it's not their prints."
Sara: This is ridiculous.
Warrick: This thing must have a virus.
(He taps the side of her monitor for emphasis.)
Mandy: Maybe you have the wrong suspects.
Warrick: Well, that's easy for you to say. All you do is scan prints all day and hit "enter."
Mandy: Look, I'm not your beast of burden. Sara, this is your thing.
(MANDY stands up getting ready to leave it to SARA when NICK walks in. He's in a cheery mood.)
Nick: Mandy ... give me something dandy.
Mandy: I'll give you something dandy. Your doggie-door prints. Good-bye, I have to go on a break now.
(MANDY leaves. NICK reads the report. There's no reaction from him prompting WARRICK to comment ... )
Warrick: See what I mean?
Sara: Your prints came back unknown, too?
Nick: No. Came back: "Walt Braun".
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM]
Grissom: Who is he?
Catherine: He's Tony Braun's brother. He's a pit boss at the Tangiers which is why his prints were on file -- gaming card.
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE are sitting down in the police department's waiting room. They're both sitting sideways on back to back seats, facing forward.)
Grissom: He's family. Why's he using the doggie door and not the front door?
Catherine: Go figure. The more evidence that shows up the more this case doesn't make sense. We got two suspects in custody and neither of their prints are on the duct tape.
Grissom: Or on the doggie door ... but the brother's are.
Catherine: Mm-hmm.
Grissom: So, call the print lab.
Catherine: It's been done. They're not Walt Braun's prints on the tape. Came back unknown.
(BRASS enters and takes a seat on one of the waiting room chairs.)
Brass: Hey. I've got Detective Vega rounding up Walt Braun. Apparently, this Janine Haywood really got around.
(FLASH CUT to JANINE HAYWOOD in the interrogation room. She's chewing gum and looking bored. The camera moves over her shoulder and beyond and reveals that in the next interrogation room is CURT RITTEN. He's on his feet and pacing the floor. Flash cut back to CATHERINE.)
Brass: When she wasn't at Braun's house playing girlfriend, she's over at "vault boy's" flat playing mistress ... which gives neither of them a credible alibi.
Catherine: Flimsy alibis don't prove murder. What else have we got?
Grissom: Nothing probative.
Brass: Then I let the girlfriend go. Curt Ritten goes back to lock-up until he posts bail.
Grissom: Look, forget Curt. Forget Janine. Forget the suspects. It's simple. We got to figure out how a piece of duct tape from a roll we found in Curt Ritten's truck ended up wrapped around the wrists of our victim.
Catherine: Without Curt's prints on it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(CURT RITTEN and JANINE HAYWOOD along with a Guard walk out into the hallway. CURT RITTEN immediately starts arguing with another brown-haired woman standing there.
Janine Haywood: Curt, we're out of here.
(The woman sees JANINE HAYWOOD and gets angry. From the other end of the hallway, GRISSOM, CATHERINE and BRASS all round the corner and witness the exchange.)
Bonnie Ritten: Oh, you're going to take this, too, huh?
Curt Ritten: Bonnie ...
Bonnie Ritten: I come down here with a check to bail my husband out and you say to him, "we're out of here"? No, honey, you're out of here!
Curt Ritten: Bonnie, take it easy.
Bonnie Ritten: Take it easy?!
Bonnie Ritten: (to JANINE) How many men do you need, huh?
Janine Haywood: Hey, at least I can take care of mine.
Bonnie Ritten: (to CURT) I've stuck by you through the bankruptcies the flings, the lies, and I have had it, okay? So, you choose. Me or her?
Curt Ritten: Sorry, Janine.
Janine Haywood: Yeah ... heard that before.
(She leaves.)
Janine Haywood: (o.s.) Call me.
Brass: Bail processing is this way.
(As they leave, BONNIE and CURT RITTEN pass CATHERINE and GRISSOM.)
Catherine: Been there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CASINO]
(GRISSOM and DET. SAM VEGA are questioning WALT BRAUN.)
Walt Braun: You came down here to ask me about a doggie door? I could've just told you over the phone.
Grissom: It's a quirk. I always like to discuss fingerprints in person.
Walt Braun: Hmm. Tony and I went to dinner.
Grissom: How long ago?
Walt Braun: A while back.
Grissom: Be more specific.
Walt Braun: Uh, about a month and a half ago. We ate at Piero's talked a little business -- I dropped him off.
<FLASHBACK>
(WALT BRAUN is sitting behind the wheel in his car. TONY BRAUN is on the back door porch.)
Tony Braun: Hey Walt ... Come over here for a second, will you?
(CUT TO. TONY and WALT are at the back yard gate. He unlocks the gate with his own key.)
Walt Braun: My key still works here. How come it doesn't work on the front door?
Tony Braun: I changed the locks.
(CUT TO: WALT BRAUN squeezing in to the house via the doggie door. Cut to WALT BRAUN'S feet walking on the inside which probably signifies that he made it through the doggie door.)
</FLASHBACK>
Walt Braun: And, so, I used the doggie door walked through the house, opened the door, let Tony in.
Police Officer Vega: Guy with that kind of money doesn't have a security alarm?
Walt Braun: When you're a Braun there's nothing you can't replace.
Grissom: You can't replace your brother.
(GRISSOM glances down at WALT BRAUN'S leg. Apparently he's been scratching or doing something strange that we really haven't noticed (because they really didn't show it to us).)
Grissom: What's the matter with your leg?
Walt Braun: I don't know something must've bit me.
Grissom: Mind if I take a look?
Walt Braun: What are you, a dermatologist?
Grissom: I'm an entomologist, actually. I-I know all about bugs.
Walt Braun: Sure. Can you tell me what to put on it? It's killing me.
(WALT BRAUN pulls the sock down and shows us big ole bug bites. GRISSOM can barely contain his excitement at the discovery.)
Grissom: Chigger bites. You might want to try some nail polish, keep it from itching. Would you mind if I took a photograph for my bite collection?
(GRISSOM reaches into his kit and pulls out his camera.)
Walt Braun: Whatever rubs your Buddha.
Grissom: (to DET. SAM VEGA) We're almost done.
Det. Sam Vega: Mr. Braun, uh, where do you live?
Walt Braun: Shoshone Hi-Rise -- J.W. Brown Road.
Det. Sam Vega: And you work here?
Walt Braun: Yeah, I'm a glorified pit boss.
Grissom: In the, uh, last 48 hours have you been anywhere else besides those two places?
Walt Braun: No. My life's pretty routine.
(GRISSOM pulls the picture from the camera and looks at it.)
Grissom: It might just get a little more routine.
(Camera hold on WALT BRAUN'S expression.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LOCKER ROOM]
(NICK is sitting alone in the locker room. GRISSOM enters.)
Grissom: Nick, I need your leg. Show me your bite.
Nick: Oh, it's no worries. I got some cream.
Grissom: Hey.
Nick: All right. It's no big deal, really.
(NICK shows GRISSOM his bug bites. GRISSOM puts the photo he took of WALT BRAUN'S bug bites up against NICK'S leg to visually compare the two. GRISSOM takes a seat.)
Grissom: What time did you log in at the Braun house?
Nick: 9:15 that morning.
Grissom: How long after that did you start processing the backyard?
Nick: About a half hour.
Grissom: You're not the only one with chigger bites.
(GRISSOM shows NICK the photograph.)
Nick: Who is this?
Grissom: Walt Braun. It's now 9:30 at night. Approximately 36 hours ago, you were bitten. Three hours earlier than that Tony Braun was murdered. Chiggers run a predictable course.
[* Flash CGI clip of chigger bites -- of the chigger doing exactly what GRISSOM describes.]
Grissom: A chigger attaches itself to a hair follicle injects a digest enzyme into the skin which ruptures the surrounding cells allowing the chigger to suck em up leaving behind a red, itchy bump.
Nick: So ... ?
Grissom: Walt Braun lied. We now have an entomological timeline that places him at the house on the day his brother was murdered.
(GRISSOM stands to leave the locker room. NICK stops him.)
Nick: Ah -- I don't know, boss. I mean, ask yourself the question: Are doggie-door prints and chigger bites enough to get a man for murder?
(GRISSOM thinks about it. He leaves without saying a word. NICK resumes putting the creme on his bug bites.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - EARLY EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI CONFERENCE ROOM]
(Everyone's gathered at a dinner meeting.)
Catherine: What've we got?
Brass: Well, I got motive. According to the family lawyer, the drug addict ...
Catherine: (interrupting) Now, Jim, that's just a little callous.
Brass: I'm calling it what it is. I know you're friends with the family but the guy used heroin. He was a drug addict who stood in line to inherit the old man's fortune.
Sara: What about the brother?
Brass: Walt's out of the picture. He's left out in the cold.
Catherine: He is?
Brass: Yeah. Tony promised he'd take care of him. Whatever he got, he split 50-50 all in ... silver included ... up until about a month ago.
Nick: But Tony changed his mind, which changed the will.
Catherine: So, wait a second -- Janine, the stripper claims that half of everything is hers so that's actually more than just wishful thinking?
Warrick: Bet Walt wasn't too happy about that. It's 50-50 going 75-25 the wrong way.
Sara: Curt was digging up the silver to protect Janine's interest.
Nick: So, what's right in front of us that we're missing?
Grissom: What evidence do we have that's still open?
Catherine: I just got the references off of Walt Braun gave the samples to Greg.
Sara: Couple of things on the priority list that haven't been processed yet: Tape lifts, adhesive residue, I got the earring back.
Nick: Where'd you find that?
Sara: Living room, near the body.
Grissom: We have to deal with that earring.
Catherine: We got to test it against Janine.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. POOLSIDE -- DAY]
Janine Haywood: You want to swab me, go ahead but I can save you the-tip. That's really not my style.
Grissom: Ms. Haywood ... you have pierced ears.
Janine Haywood: Yeah. He doesn't understand. I don't wear studs. Haven't worn studs since, like ... god, seventh grade.
Catherine: Mm-hmm.
Janine Haywood: Can I see that picture? (she holds out her hand. GRISSOM hands her the photo.) Thanks. See? This is an earring back. It goes to a stud earring. I don't wear studs. I'm more of, like, a dangle gal. I like chandeliers. They move with you. They're on wires. They don't have a back.
Catherine: Are you finished? Open your mouth.
(CATHERINE takes the sample and JANINE hands the photo back to GRISSOM.) Don't bite down. Wouldn't want you to swallow it.
Grissom: How about your girlfriends or Tony's girlfriends -- any of them wear studs?
Janine Haywood: Look, rule number one: No women allowed in the house. Tony had a wandering eye, he had a wad of cash who needed that drama?
Catherine: What about the maid?
Janine Haywood: No. Rule number two: Heavyset, over 50, no makeup, no jewelry, no english.
Catherine: Wow. You got this whole thing down don't you?
Janine Haywood: Yeah. This is my house. I didn't do anything wrong. And I inherited Josie, and she cleans real good.
Grissom: How often does she vacuum?
Janine Haywood: Every day. Except on her day off.
Grissom: Hmm. The day Tony died.
Janine Haywood: Hmm.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(GREG is standing in front of a machine processing the sample. GRISSOM and CATHERINE are standing one on each side of him waiting for the results.)
Grissom: Well, if the maid is as good as Janine says she is ... then ...
Catherine: The earring back was lost that day.
(The machines prints out the report.)
Greg: There. Well, maybe not. The earring back -- not Janine's. But it was in the ear of a female.
Catherine: So, I guess rule number one was broken. There was a woman in the house.
(GRISSOM doesn't say anything. He does have a look on his face. CATHERINE picks up on it.)
Catherine: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Grissom: Whoever's prints are on the duct tape is missing an earring back. Who's the only other woman in the story?
Catherine: She lives in Carson City.
Grissom: She's here now.
Catherine: She has access to Curt's truck.
Grissom: We saw the fight in the police department.
Catherine: "Hell hath no fury ... "
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]
(BONNIE RITTEN puts the photo back on the table.)
Bonnie Ritten: It's not mine. I don't wear earrings.
Grissom: It's funny, just recently I had a little education in earrings and I noticed that you have pierced ears.
Bonnie Ritten: Yeah. So what?
Catherine: If you don't wear earrings for a while the holes will close up.
Brass: Will you volunteer us a DNA sample? It will confirm your story or confirm ours.
Bonnie Ritten: I'm not giving you anything.
Grissom: It's okay, Jim, we have enough.
Catherine: You should've let your husband rot in jail.
(CATHERINE pushes an evidence baggie containing the bail check toward BONNIE RITTEN.)
Catherine: We lifted your thumbprint from the check that you posted for his bail.
Grissom: We compared it to a set of unknown prints that we found on some duct tape at the crime scene.
Catherine: Just like a pair of earrings-- identical.
Brass: So you were at Tony's house the morning he died. Along with Walt Braun whose prints we confirmed on the doggy door.
[White flash to FLASHBACK clips of: * WALT BRAUN opening the back yard gate. Flash to white. * WALT BRAUN crawling in through the doggie door. Flash to white. He gets in and unlocks the front door to let BONNIE RITTEN inside. Flash to white. * While doing drugs, TONY BRAUN is interrupted by BONNIE RITTEN and WALT BRAUN. Flash to white.]
[Present day shot of BONNIE RITTEN. Flash to white.]
[Resume FLASHBACK clip of: * BONNIE holding the duct tape. WALT BRAUN subduing TONY. TONY struggling. BONNIE ripping off some duct tape. While TONY struggles, he hits BONNIE and her earring back flies off hitting the floor. Flash to white.
[Present day shot of BONNIE RITTEN and cut to GRISSOM. Flash to white.]
[Resume FLASHBACK clip of: * TONY BRAUN'S hands being taped up while WALT BRAUN holds him down. Flash to white. * WALT BRAUN forcing the wine down TONY'S throat while holding his nose shut to force his mouth to open. Flash to white.]
[End of Flashback sequence. Resume Present day. Camera on BONNIE RITTEN.]
Grissom: You know, sometimes, doing the job that we do our biggest break comes from the most innocent circumstance. It was the maid's day off, but not the Gardener's.
Curt Ritten: That's the thing about murder you never think to have a backup plan. The dogs lead the Gardener right to you ...
[Quick FLASHBACK showing BONNIE RITTEN and WALT BRAUN being interrupted while dogs bark and whine (o.s.). Flash to white. Back to present. Resume camera on BONNIE RITTEN.]
Grissom: So you had to wing it. The gardener came to the window ...
[FLASHBACK clip of the inside camera view of the gardener peering in through the window. BONNIE and WALT are back against the wall. BONNIE almost panics. Dogs can be heard off screen. Flash to white. End of Flashback. Resume present.]
Grissom: ... but he didn't see you ... so you removed the tape from Tony's wrists ... and made it look like an OD.
Catherine: What I don't get is ... you and Walt Braun didn't move in the same circles. How'd the two of you hook up?
(BONNIE RITTEN doesn't respond.)
Brass: News flash, sweetheart: Can't make a deal if you keep your mouth shut.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. JAIL CELL]
Walt Braun: That's the thing about my father: He could never give advice but he had a million stories. "Scorpion and the Frog."
(WALT BRAUN is in a jail cell talking to BRASS and GRISSOM.)
Walt Braun: Scorpion needed to get across the creek and asked the frog for a ride. Frog says, "I can't trust you, you're a scorpion." Scorpion says, "sure you can." Hops on the frog's back. Midway across, the scorpion stings the frog. Frog looks at him. "Why would you do that? Now we're both gonna die." Scorpion says ... "I can't help it. I'm a scorpion."
Walt Braun: If Tony hadn't thrown a party ... the two of us would never have been standing at that bar.
<FLASHBACK>
(In the middle of the casino party, CURT RITTEN walks up to JANINE HAYWOOD.)
Curt Ritten: Hey, Janine, you're lookin' good.
(CUT TO: WALT BRAUN walks up to the bar where BONNIE RITTEN is nursing her drink. They watch as JANINE openly flirts with CURT. The two laughing and having a grand time.)
Walt Braun: You're looking at my brother's trophy?
Bonnie Ritten: No, my husband's bimbo.
(WALT introduces himself.)
Walt Braun: Walt Braun.
Bonnie Ritten: Bonnie Ritten.
(The two shake hands.)
</FLASHBACK>
Grissom: And an opportunity presented itself. Tony had erased you from the will and Bonnie wanted the people that hurt her to pay.
Brass: Ain't love grand?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CASINO MAIN FLOOR -- NIGHT]
(SAM BRAUN and CATHERINE walk. His arm around her shoulders.)
Sam Braun: You know, this ... this could've all been his. His and Tony's.
Catherine: It's not your fault.
Sam Braun: Sure it is. I committed the cardinal sin. I loved one son more than the other.
Catherine: It's human nature. We can't deny our feelings.
Sam Braun: But you can hide it. And I didn't. They're my sons ... I made them, I raised them ... and one kills the other.
Catherine: Hey, Sam ... you still got me.
Sam Braun: You know, I should've married your mother.
Catherine: Well, considering I was six months old when you guys lit the flame ... a lot of time has passed. You had plenty of chances.
Sam Braun: Just wasn't in the cards, Catherine. It just wasn't in the cards.
(With an arm around her shoulders, the two walk off screen.) | Plan: A: Grissom; Q: Who believes that Tony Braun was forced to ingest lethal amounts of heroin? A: high roller Tony Braun; Q: Who is found dead in his house by a gardener? A: a known drug addict; Q: What was Tony Braun's problem? A: drug paraphernalia; Q: What was found near Braun's body? A: heroin; Q: What drug was Braun found to have recently inhaled? A: an overdose; Q: What was the initial cause of death for Tony Braun? A: the corpse; Q: What is examined to determine the cause of death? A: duct tape; Q: What was Braun restrained with? Summary: Grissom and crew are called in after high roller Tony Braun, a known drug addict, is found dead in his house by a gardener. Since drug paraphernalia are discovered near his body and it is also determined that he had recently inhaled heroin, the cause of death is at first thought to be an overdose. But further examination of the corpse reveals that Braun had been restrained at some point with duct tape, leading Grissom to believe that the victim was forced to ingest lethal amounts of heroin and, perhaps, other drugs. |
"The Doctor in the Den"
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEASER
(Rock Creek Wild Life Park - A vehicle drives through grass lands past zebras, elephants. It stops near a tiger. Bill and Trysta, employees at the park get out of vehicle)
TRYSTA: These tigers eat better than I do.
BILL: He. Yesterday's food is still here.
TRYSTA: And the day before's. I don't think Matilda's moved in two days. I hope she's not sick.
BILL: Maybe there is something wrong. Should we call the vet?
(Matilda, the tiger, gets up and walks over to a bloody, half eaten piece of lower leg with the shoe still attached. She picks it up and reveals the rest of the body, which now is mostly bones with little flesh still in tact.)
(Bill and Trysta run back to the vehicle.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: A different Park Vehicle - Brennan and Book are in the back of the vehicle.)
PARK EMPLOYEE 1: Let's Go.
DRIVER: Thanks.
BOOTH: I was here last weekend with Parker. They got monkeys swinging free - right over there (Points). Do you think we have time?
BRENNAN: Booth, we're here to recover a set of remains.
BOOTH: Come on, Bones. You gotta take time to smell the primates.
BRENNAN: Why? They are malodorous and they throw their excrement.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Melinda, the tiger, pacing in a cage near the body. Booth and Brennan approach the remains.)
BOOTH: Who wanders around in an animal park?
BRENNAN: Someone with extremely poor judgment.
BOOTH: Ha, guess no one told this guy it's not a petting zoo. (Brennan gives him a look.) Nevermind.
BRENNAN: Flesh has been gnawed and baked in the sun. But the nasal root suggests a black male. Over six feet tall.
BOOTH: According to, uh, Parker's big book of animals, they can pounce at 35 miles an hour and leap 30 feet.
BRENNAN: The tiger fed on the flesh and internal organs before he started cleaning the bones.
BOOTH: You know, I'm thinking the victim wandered away from his car, he was drunk, and he ended up in this area. Same thing happened to a guy last year in the giraffe section.
BRENNAN: Giraffes are herbivores. They don't eat people.
BOOTH: That part is different. The guy broke his arm. Did you know that giraffes can weigh up to two tons?
BRENNAN: Yes, everyone knows that.
BOOTH: And they sleep less than two hours a day.
BRENNAN: That I did not know.
BOOTH: Yes, Pinky stumps the Brain.
BRENNAN: Well, I have no way of determining cause of death out here. So we should pack everything up and bring it back to the lab.
BOOTH: Pack it up!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Lab - Clark, Cam, Hodgins and Brennan are examining the body))
CLARK: Teeth marks on the manubrium and the sternum.
CAM: Nice to have you back Dr. Edison. Wasn't sure we'd see you again.
CLARK: Dr. Brennan assured me that I could count on a strictly professional atmosphere.
BRENNAN: I admire your focus and dedication to your work, Dr. Edison.
CLARK: Thoracolumbar fascia has been eaten.
CAM: No stomach contents for me to analyze because the tiger ate the stomach.
CLARK: Don't blame the tiger. Animals shouldn't be confined for human amusement.
HODGINS: A zoo hater?
CLARK: and a vegan.
HODGINS: Oh, Someone's revealing their plant-based personal life.
CLARK: It relates to the case.
BRENNAN: Zoos have many breeding programs to preserve endangered species.
CLARK: Animals bred in the zoos have weak natural instincts. They're basically just imprisoned pets.
HODGINS: Pets generally don't eat you.
BRENNAN: A common house cat will devour you before you're cold.
CLARK: The victim's hyoid and spinal cord are still in tact.
BRENNAN: There are no indications of a traditional tiger throat bite or strangle hold. The tiger was not the cause of death.
CAM: I agree. Some kind of weapon sliced along what's left of the right pelvis and thigh transecting the femoral artery. He died of a good old-fashioned bleed out.
HODGINS: There is a shoelace mixed in with the flesh.
BRENNAN: The tiger could have coughed it up, like a fur ball.
CAM: Judging from decomp and... the amount the tiger ate, I estimate time of death to be late Friday night, early Saturday.
ANGELA: (entering) Welcome back, Clark. Whoa, have you been working out?
CLARK: Excuse me?
ANGELA: You look so solid and compact.
CLARK: I believe that all conversation should relate to this man's murder.
HODGINS: Angela's taking a stab at celibacy.
ANGELA: Sweets thinks it will help me form more committed relationships.
HODGINS: But it just seems to rev up her libido.
CLARK: (avoiding the conversation) Chewing...has embedded particulates into the teeth marks in the medial malleolus.
ANGELA: Okay, I get it. But you're squeezable. You should thank our tiger for not eating the victim's teeth. Dentals gave us an easy match.
BRENNAN: Dr. Andrew Welton.
CAM: (stunned) Are you sure?
ANGELA: Yeah, it's...it's dentals. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to ID off dentals. It's sad, huh? He's handsome. He's hot, really.
CAM: Okay, that's enough, Angela.
BRENNAN: Are you alright, Dr. Saroyan?
CAM: No. I knew Dr. Welton. We lived together for two years.
ANGELA: Oh...my god, Cam. I'm really sorry.
CAM: No...Let's just find out who killed him, okay? (She walks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Opening Credits)
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT 1
(Open - Lab - upper level sitting area - Booth and Cam)
BOOTH: So, I called the hospital and Dr. Welton has been missing for two days. I'm sorry, Cam.
CAM: I haven't even seen Andrew for 10 years. It's silly for me to be reacting like this.
BOOTH: No, it's not. You know what, it was a big part of your life.
CAM: What about his daughter? Who's going to tell Michelle? Had he remarried?
BOOTH: No. No other family.
CAM: Yeah, I'm not surprised. Michelle's mom died during childbirth. I don't think Andrew could ever go through loving anyone like that again. Michelle became everything to him.
BOOTH: She must be, what, 16 now?
CAM: Yeah. What a terrible time to lose her father.
BOOTH: Look, Bones and I will get the social worker.
CAM: No, no social worker. If there's no one else, I have to do it. I'll talk to her.
BOOTH: Cam, it's been 10 years since you've seen her.
CAM: I was her mom for almost two years, Seeley. She should hear it from someone who loved her father.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Booth's car pulling up outside the Welton house)
BOOTH: So, you're sure you don't want us to come in with you?
CAM: No, I'll be fine.
(Cam exits the car and approaches the house. Michelle opens the door)
BRENNAN: Did Cam raise her?
BOOTH: Yup, for two years.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: inside the house)
CAM: Camille Saroyan?
MICHELLE: And you know my dad?
CAM: You were 4 when your father and I were together. I moved away just after you turned 6. But I remember your party. You were sitting on the clown's lap while he made balloon animals. And you kept handing them to me and I had this armful of... MICHELLE (interrupting): I don't remember...and my dad's not here right now.
CAM: I know. I am working on a case with the FBI, Michelle. Could you please sit down?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Brennan and Booth in the car outside the house)
BRENNAN: Well, she told me she never wanted to have kids.
BOOTH: Maybe Michelle is the reason.
BRENNAN: I don't understand.
BOOTH: She loved Welton and lived with him for about two years and she raised Michelle like she was her own. And then she's been alone for all that time because she doesn't want to put herself in that position again.
BRENNAN: But that was 10 years ago.
BOOTH: For Cam there are emotional considerations here. That's why she has to be involved in the case.
BRENNAN: With us?
BOOTH: It's best that you...stay in the lab a little bit more. Just this time around.
BRENNAN: Because that's where I'm most useful. I understand. You and Cam can rely on your statistically inaccurate guts to solve the case.
BOOTH: She needs this. Just trust me on this, Bones.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Inside the Welton house)
MICHELLE: Last time I saw him was Friday night. He was getting ready for some hospital party at the Animal Park. I spent the weekend at my friend's. I'm sure that he's still at the hospital.
CAM: Michelle, we've found your father. I'm very sorry to have to tell you that he's...he passed away.
MICHELLE: What? No. No! He was fine. He was fine. I saw him two days ago. You're wrong.
CAM: I'm so sorry, honey. Is anyone staying with you?
MICHELLE: Um, our housekeeper, Mrs. Jenks, but she... What happened? He was healthy.
CAM: We believe he was killed.
MICHELLE: What!? Oh my god. Oh my god. Look, I don't even know you, okay? Why don't you just do your job and find out who did this to my dad?
MRS. JENKS: Is everything alright?
MICHELLE: My dad...She says that my dad has been murdered.
MRS. JENKS: Oh, good god. How could you tell her alone? Why didn't you call me?
CAM: I thought she'd remember me. I was a friend of the family.
MRS. JENKS: I think you should go.
CAM: I know this is difficult, but I have to ask a few questions.
MRS. JENKS: Now?
CAM: In order to pursue an investigation...
MICHELLE (cutting her off): What? What do you want to know?
CAM: Did your father have any enemies? Any difficult relationships?
MICHELLE: No. Everybody loved him. You said that you knew him. You should know that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Booth's Car - Cam gets into the car)
BOOTH: How'd it go?
CAM: You should have brought a social worker. She...didn't remember me at all.
(They drive off)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: the Lab - Clark, Brennan and Hodgins examine the wound.)
CLARK: Look at the pelvis.
BRENNAN: Surface lacerations to the periosteum of the pelvic bone.
HODGINS: Those aren't bone chips. Whatever caused the laceration embedded something in the bone. Look at the injuries near the femoral artery. It looks like there are particles of mica in here.
CLARK: The scarring of the ilium indicates that something gouged the victim. I'll start testing possible weapons.
CAM: (entering) Do you have anything?
BRENNAN: Well, a thorough investigation takes time.
CAM: Let's not take too much time.
CLARK: We're being so thorough that we...
CAM: (interupting) There's a killer out there, Dr. Edison, so be thorough and fast. I have the results of Weldon's tox screen. There were opiates in his blood. Hydrocodone and carisoprodol.
HODGINS: Perhaps he was self-medicating.
CAM: That doesn't sound like Andrew.
BRENNAN: You haven't seen him in years.
CLARK: These are very high levels of opiates to have in your system if you're a surgeon.
HODGINS: It's not uncommon for doctors to have substance abuse issues.
CAM: Andrew was not a drug abuser. Look for physical indicators that might warrant opiate use. (pause) I am meeting Booth at the hospital if you have any information, which I hope you will. (Cam walks out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cut to: Outside the Hospital. Cam and Booth enter.
CAM: I took Michelle to ballet class and parent/teacher conferences. I read her to sleep. When I saw her and it all came back. I thought it would for her. Some of it at least.
BOOTH: Look...Parker's seven and he can't even remember how to put on his underwear.
CAM: Yeah, but he knows you. He knows what you've done for him.
BOOTH: It's been ten years. People move on. It was just a relationship that didn't work out.
CAM: It's a family, Seeley. A family that didn't work out.
DR. MAURA BAILEY: (turning around and seeing Cam and Booth) Camille.
CAM: Maura. It's been a long time.
BAILEY: It's horrible what happened.
CAM: Yeah. This is Special Agent Booth. Dr. Bailey's Roosevelt's Chief Administrator.
BOOTH: Dr. Bailey. I would like to ask you a few questions about Dr. Welton.
BAILEY: Of course. Let's find some privacy.
(Bailey walks. Cam and Booth follow behind her)
CAM: (aside to Booth only) We were both residents here. It was a really competitive environment.
BAILEY: Does Michelle know?
CAM: Yes, I saw her this morning.
BAILEY: Oh, Poor kid. You two were pretty close as I remember.
BOOTH: Dr. Bailey, we believe that Dr. Welton was killed at the benefit on Friday night.
BAILEY: At the animal park?
CAM: He was found in the tiger habitat. We need a list of everyone who attended the benefit: staff, caterers, park personnel assigned to the event.
BAILEY: Of course.
BOOTH: Did Dr. Welton have any enemies?
BAILEY: The staff loved him. In the spirit of full disclosure, though, you should know that Dr. Welton and I had our fair share of disagreements. It's an occupational hazard.
CAM: You always did like being in charge.
BAILEY: I am in charge now, Camille. Andrew and I had policy disagreements, but I admired him. He was the best cardiovascular surgeon I knew.
BOOTH: Any other patients, people inside the hospital...?
BAILEY: Malpractice suits are par for the course in any hospital. And we are fighting 15 right now.
BOOTH: I'm going to need a list of all those lawsuits naming Dr. Welton.
BAILEY: Of course.
CAM: Andrew usually made his rounds at night. Who would have seen him before he went to the benefit?
BAILEY: You should check with the nurses in the Cardiac unit.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Nurse's Station in the Cardiac Unit - Roosevelt Hospital)
NURSE 1 (GRETCHEN KUJAWA): Dr. Welton was the best. Everyone loved him.
NURSE 2 (NANCY LAUDER): He lived for his patients.
NURSE 3 (LAUREN DOBBS): And his daughter.
NURSE 2 (NANCY): Dr. W made his rounds before the benefit. I helped him change a chest tube. I had to push him aside so his tux didn't get dirty. Other than that, it was like any other night.
BOOTH: And no arguments with patients or family members?
NURSE 2 (NANCY): Dr. Welton? No.
CAM: Do you know if he was taking anyone to the benefit?
NURSE 1 (GRETCHEN): I told him he could take me. ... He looked like James Bond.
NURSE 2 (NANCY): You never knew who Dr. Welton was dating. He wasn't the type to settle down.
CAM: Right.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: the Lab. Angela enters Hodgins' area)
ANGELA: How's it going?
HODGINS: Hey.
ANGELA: Ooh. What is that smell? Are you wearing cologne?
HODGINS: It's urine. I found traces of ureic acid on the victim's clothing. It was the pheromones you found pleasing.
ANGELA: Yeah, yeah. Uh, the pheromones in tiger urine?
HODGINS: Well, I assume it's tiger urine. The cat was probably marking it's territory.
ANGELA: I was turned on by tiger urine?
HODGINS: HaHa. Celibacy isn't easy, Ang.
ANGELA: Tell me about it. I don't know why Sweets thinks this is going to help form more stable relationships. s*x is the glue. We were like epoxy.
HODGINS: Sometimes relationships need more than just s*x.
ANGELA: Okay. Okay, I get it. I wasn't wrong about Clark though, was I? He's cute. And he's built.
HODGINS: Yeah. Not too comfortable with this part of the conversation.
ANGELA: I'm just saying, I'm allowed to look, right? And remember? 'Member?
HODGINS: Yeah. You should join a gym. Go for a run to burn off some of your excess...whatever it is. I really need to get back to my... ANGELA: Urine.
HODGINS: Yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Lab - Autopsy Room - Brennan enters to speak with Cam)
BRENNAN: I found nodules of ossified cartilage on Welton's thumbs between the metacarpals and carpals. He was suffering from synovial chondromatosis.
CAM: He was in pain. That would explain the opiates. I also found ibuprofen, which he would've taken to reduce the inflammation.
BRENNAN: The bony growths in his wrists would have caused him pain and severely restricted his mobility. It would have been very dangerous for him to perform surgery in his condition.
CAM: Well, he wouldn't have done it. Not Andrew.
BRENNAN: You can't know that. People change in ten years.
CAM: Not someone's nature.
BRENNAN: We're scientists. We can't quantify or rely on our emotions. They're arbitrary and indeterminate.
CAM: We know people through our feelings, Dr. Brennan. You trust Booth because of what you feel.
BRENNAN: No, I trust Booth because of past actions.
CAM: And faith in the future. I'm sorry, but feelings are important. Even to you.
(phone rings)
CAM: (answering phone) Saroyan.
BOOTH: A guy named Brandon Casey filed a malpractice suit after his wife died during surgery on Welton's operating table. After the suit was arbitrated in Welton's favor, Welton filed a restraining order against Casey.
CAM: You think Casey killed Welton?
BOOTH: Well, I don't know, but I do know that Casey bought a ticket to the benefit.
BRENNAN: Why would someone who sued the hospital pay to go to its benefit?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act 2
(Open: Interrogation Room - Booth interrogates Brandon Casey - Dr. Sweets is observing behind the glass.)
CASEY: I, uh, don't understand why I'm here.
BOOTH: Your wife died during surgery performed by Dr. Andrew Welton.
CASEY: Yes, that was two years ago. She was only 32 years old. She had a congenital heart defect.
BOOTH: And yet he had to take out a restraining order against you?
CASEY: I was crazy when Alex died. I needed to blame someone.
BOOTH: And you attacked him, which is why he had to take out a restraining order. Which I get because, you know...got to let the anger go.
CASEY: I needed to find forgiveness, even compassion for the doctor.
SWEETS: (from behind the glass) He seems sincere, but he still violated the restraining order.
BOOTH: And yet you went to the benefit last Friday night ignoring the restraining order?
CASEY: I went to apologize. I had accused this man of murder. I owed Dr. Welton an apology.
BOOTH: And what did he say to you after you apologized?
CASEY: Well, we didn't get a chance to talk. He was arguing with a woman. They were off to the side, really going at it. I didn't want to get in the middle of it. Okay...what's going on here? Did something happen to Dr. Welton?
BOOTH: Yeah. He was murdered Friday night.
CASEY: Uh. Oh my God.
BOOTH: Do you know what this woman looked like?
CASEY: No. I don't....
BOOTH: What she was wearing?
CASEY: I don't know.
BOOTH: Was she tall? Was she short? Nothing?
CASEY: I'm sorry. I don't remember.
SWEETS: (from behind the glass) It's possible, Booth. People don't retain what they don't think is important.
BOOTH: Great.
CASEY: Beg your pardon.
BOOTH: Nothing.
SWEETS: But! The memories are still formed. See if he'll agree to hypnosis.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: the Lab - Brennan and Clark are examining the body.)
BRENNAN: The gouge that extends from the ilium to the femur is deep and seems to have torn through the bone.
CLARK: I found wounds on the proximal phalanx of the right fifth digit as well as the ulnar tuberosity.
BRENNAN: Defensive wounds.
CLARK: Yes. Caused by blunt force.
ANGELA: (entering) Hey. I used the measurements of the injuries to run different scenarios on possible weapons.
CLARK: And you did this while jogging?
ANGELA: Well, yeah...I was burning off a little of my extra desire on the way to work, sweet pea.
CLARK: Is sweet pea an appropriate workplace moniker?
ANGELA: Don't worry, Clark, I won't eat you. Not that I'm not tempted.
CLARK: Thank God.
BRENNAN: Most men would be flattered by Angela's sexual interest in them.
CLARK: Well, my sexual needs are well taken care of. Thank you.
ANGELA: Really?
CLARK: Your results, Ms. Montenegro
(They move over to look at the computer)
ANGELA: The force that would take to inflict injuries this severe would dictate either an extremely strong person over seven feet tall wielding a two-foot long metal pole.
CLARK: Someone at the party would have noticed a giant.
ANGELA: Or...Someone between 5'7" and 5'11" wielding a five-foot metal pole with a ten-centimeter diameter.
BRENNAN: A metal pole of that length and diameter would be consistent with the defensive injuries we found. Now we have to determine what gouged the bone.
ANGELA: Yeah, well, I'm going to need more information for that.
SWEETS: (entering) Angela? Can I borrow you for a little while?
ANGELA: To do what with? Sorry, that just popped out. I needed a longer run.
SWEETS: Yeah, I understand. I am going to be interviewing a witness who can't remember a suspect and I need a sketch artist.
ANGELA: Oh. (turns to look at Brennan)
BRENNAN: We're finished.
ANGELA: Cool. All yours, Sweets.
SWEETS: Alright.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: an FBI room for the hypnosis)
SWEETS: You are relaxed, Mr. Casey. Totally relaxed and completely aware of your surroundings. Can you tell me my name?
CASEY: Dr. Sweets.
SWEETS: Yes. And we are here together at the animal park, at the hospital benefit.
CASEY: Yes, there are so many people here. And I keep missing the hors d'oeuvres.
ANGELA: HaHaHa. You've got to be kidding me.
SWEETS: (to Angela) Shh. (to Casey) Have you spotted Dr. Welton yet?
CASEY: I know he's here someplace.
(Cut to: Casey, Sweets and Angela "at the benefit" in Casey's memory)
SWEETS: (sounds far away) How do you feel Mr. Casey? Are you angry? You thought this man killed your wife.
SWEETS: No, no, I was wrong. I'm looking forward to seeing the doctor and making amends. Would you like some champagne?
SWEETS: No thanks.
ANGELA: Absolutely. (Angela picks up a glass off of a waiter' platter)
SWEETS: Alright. Have you spotted Dr. Welton yet?
(Cut to: FBI room)
CASEY: No, I keep trying to get something to eat. I didn't have lunch.
ANGELA: I'd like something to eat, too.
SWEETS: Okay, here comes a waitress. (starts to sound far away - Cuts to: them in Casey's memory again) She's giving you what you want.
CASEY: Thank you.
SWEETS: Now, can you, can you see the doctor?
CASEY: Yes. He's over by the path.
SWEETS: What path?
CASEY: The path that leads to the animals. I hear there's no fence. What if the animals can get out?
SWEETS: Don't worry. You're perfectly safe, Mr. Casey.
(Casey sees an elephant, zebra, emu and giraffe mingling with them and the other guests. He looks concerned.)
(Cut to: FBI room - reality) The animals won't hurt you. They are very friendly.
CASEY: Yes. Yes, they are. (A giraffe and zebra are seen walking in front of Casey, Angela and Sweets)
SWEETS: You can see Dr. Welton very clearly now. Can't you? Is he alone?
CASEY: No. He's with a woman.
SWEETS: And they're arguing?
CASEY: Yes. She's...she's yelling at him. He's trying to calm her down. She's pushing him.
SWEETS: Look closer. Tell me what she looks like.
CASEY: No, I need to move away. This is embarrassing.
SWEETS: No, no, no, no. Not yet. Look at the woman. You can see her clearly now, can't you?
CASEY: Yes.
(Cut to: FBI room - reality)
ANGELA: Okay, so let's sit here and we'll sip a little champagne and...(Cut to: back in Casey's memory) you can describe her to me. In detail.
CASEY: She's about 50. Oval face, strong features, high cheekbones, hazel eyes, pointed nose... ANGELA: (to a giraffe) Uh, dude, you're blocking my light.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Roosevelt Hospital - Booth and Cam question Dr. Bailey)
BOOTH: Do you recognize this woman, Dr. Bailey?
BAILEY: Of course I do. (walks to show them a portrait hanging on the wall) This is Diane Annenburg. She's one of our biggest donors.
BOOTH: We have a witness who saw this woman arguing with Dr. Welton the night of the benefit.
BAILEY: A woman that generous is used to getting her own way, but she's not a killer.
CAM: She wouldn't have been happy knowing that your best surgeon was disabled.
Why didn't you mention that Andrew had synovial chondromatosis when we spoke?
BAILEY: Because it didn't affect the investigation.
BOOTH: If you think about it, the hospital would've been ruined if it came out that Dr. Welton was operating when he shouldn't have been. Annenburg would've looked like a fool.
BAILEY: I know it's been a while, Camille, but you knew Andrew. He would never jeopardize a patient. We agreed he would only supervise during surgery until he decided what sort of treatment to follow.
CAM: Is there any other reason Annenburg might have been angry with Andrew? She seems a little old for him.
BAILEY: Her son, Rick, is in his last year of med school. He applied to Roosevelt for his surgical residency. Andrew ran that admissions committee.
BOOTH: Did he reject her son?
BAILEY: He did. We supported that decision.
BOOTH: Looks like we have one unhappy mom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act 3
(Open: Booth's office - Booth questions Mrs. Annenburg.)
BOOTH: So, you were seen arguing with Dr. Welton the night he died.
MRS. ANNENBURG: At the benefit? That wasn't an argument.
BOOTH: Then what was it?
MRS.ANNENBURG: I was expressing my disappointment with Dr. Welton's decision to exclude my son from the residency program at Roosevelt.
BOOTH: Money doesn't make you a god, Mrs. Annenburg.
MRS. ANNENBURG: My son should've been accepted because he's deserving. Richard never wanted to be anything but a doctor. He worked for it. He finished second in his class. Obviously...Dr. Welton had some sort of personal issue with my son or with me.
BOOTH: Right, and removing him would solve all your problems.
MRS. ANNENBURG: Yes. I wanted him removed from the Board of Admissions. I-I do feel that my generosity entitles me to some sort of influence. But I did not want Dr. Welton killed.
BOOTH: Well, I can only imagine that Richard was pretty angry with Welton, too. A young man like that who's used to getting whatever he wants might lose control.
MRS.ANNENBURG: Don't be ridiculous.
BOOTH: Was your son at the benefit that night?
MRS ANNENBURG: Richard is a good boy, Agent Booth.
BOOTH: Thank you for your time, Mrs. Annenburg.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Lab - Brennan and Clark. Cam enters.)
CAM: (enters) Anything of value yet?
BRENNAN: We are cataloguing injuries. I thought you would be with Booth.
CAM: Questioning people isn't really my thing. Most of the time I just want to beat them until they tell me what I want to hear.
BRENNAN: I know. It gets frustrating, and hitting can often be quite effective.
EDISON: And you both work with the Justice Department?
BRENNAN: Yes.
EDISON: Ironic... BRENNAN: How is Michelle? The loss of a father can be quite devastating.
CAM: I haven't seen her again. I imagine Child Services will probably be moving her to a foster home soon.
HODGINS: (entering) Those white flecks that were embedded in the pelvic bone? They're polymerized hydrocarbon from the serrated edge of a plastic knife. Seems our victim was attacked in the groin with disposable cutlery.
CAM: Didn't we find a blood-soaked shoelace in the remains?
BRENNAN: Yes. We assumed that the tiger coughed it up.
EDISON: Under normal circumstances, a plastic knife could barely cut flesh.
CAM: But if there was already an open wound caused by whatever punctured the artery... BRENNAN: Then a plastic knife could be used to enlarge the opening.
HODGINS: Why? Make him bleed out faster?
CAM: No. Someone was trying to make the bleeding stop.
BRENNAN: The puncture wounds were too high for a tourniquet, so they used the knife to gain access to the vascular area.
CAM: The shoelace was probably used to tie off the femoral artery, but the procedure failed.
EDISON: Who would attack him and then try to save him?
BRENNAN: Someone with a medical background.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Interrogation room - Booth interrogates Richard Annenburg.)
BOOTH: So, uh, tell me about Dr. Welton.
RICHARD ANNENBURG: He was a...good man. A good doctor. It's terrible what happened to him.
BOOTH: I heard he made the mistake of getting between you and something you've been working for your whole life.
RICHARD: My mother tell you that?
BOOTH: She said you wanted to be a doctor.
RICHARD: She's right.
BOOTH: Roosevelt's got some of the best residencies. I can see why you wouldn't want anything to get in your way.
RICHARD: What does that mean?
BOOTH: Well, you see, the suspect that we're looking for had motive, opportunity and a medical background. Does that sound like anyone in this room?
RICHARD: You think I killed Dr. Welton? I want to save lives, Agent Booth, that's why I'm a doctor.
BOOTH: Someone tried to save Dr. Welton. You know, they tried to stop the bleeding after they attacked him.
RICHARD: I didn't even want the residency. I begged Dr. Welton to reject me.
BOOTH: After all that hard work. Now why would you do something like that?
RICHARD: To get away from my mother. She seems all benevolent, but she's a control freak. And Dr. Welton, he understood that I had to get away from her to be the kind of doctor I wanted to be.
BOOTH: So he stood up fro you, even though he might lose his job?
RICHARD: Yeah. Look, you don't have to believe me. If somebody tried to stop the bleeding, then they'd be covered in blood themselves. Take my clothes. You can run all the tests you want.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Porch of the Welton house)
CAM: I just wanted to find out how you were doing. I know how difficult this must be for you.
MICHELLE: Aren't you supposed to be finding out who did this to my dad?
CAM: And I will. I swear to you. I know what a good man he was. And what a great father. (shows Michelle a picture of the three of them) You don't remember?
MICHELLE: Yeah. Yeah, I remember. I remember that you said you loved me and that we were a family. And then you just left.
CAM: The reason I left... was between your father and me. It had nothing to do with you, Michelle.
MICHELLE: Yeah. That's what he always said. But if you care so much, why don't you explain it to me right now?
CAM: I don't know, if he didn't talk to you about it, I... MICHELLE: I waited for you. I looked out the window for weeks waiting on you to come home. You don't say that you love somebody and then just walk out like that.
CAM: Your father and I were going to get married, Michelle. But your father, he... (she pauses)
MICHELLE: What?
CAM: He was still seeing other women. Even after we were engaged. And I tried to work through it. I loved him. I still do. But after your mother...I don't think your father could ever commit like that again. And that wasn't something I could live with.
MICHELLE: Maybe, because he knew that you weren't good enough. Maybe he was just waiting for the right woman.
CAM: Maybe. I'm...I'm sorry I brought it up. I never stopped thinking about you, Michelle. And if there's anything... MICHELLE: (interrupting) I don't need anything from you. Just go. Leave me alone. Go!
(Cam picks up her bag and walks off the porch)
(Michelle picks the picture of the three of them and looks at it. She sobs.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act 4
(Open: Lab - Angela, Cam and Brennan sit around table in upstairs lounge)
ANGELA: So what did Michelle say to you?
CAM: She said, uh, that I wasn't good enough for her father and that was why he saw other women.
BRENNAN: Welton cheated on you?
CAM: That's why I left.
BRENNAN: Did that bother you?
ANGELA: Sweetie, how many times do I have to tell you that most people don't like to be cheated on?
CAM: The only people who don't mind have just given up.
ANGELA: (jumping in) Or are very, very rational and above those archaic notions of monogamy.
CAM: Right, yes, of course. I'm not quite evolved enough.
BRENNAN: Excuse me, this is not my area of expertise, but if Welton cheated on you, he may have been cheating on other women.
CAM: Probably was. The only person he ever was faithful to was Michelle.
ANGELA: Well, there you go. He was playing the field and somebody probably nuked him for it.
BRENNAN: Well, how do you know?
ANGELA: Because. Despite the fact that I would love to have my legs wrapped around one right now, men are awful.
HODGINS: Hey. (Cam, Angela and Brennan glare at him) Whoa. What'd I do?
CAM: You're a man.
HODGINS: I have information.
BRENNAN: Go ahead.
HODGINS: The ureic acid on the victim's clothing, it's feline, but it's not tiger pee. Sediment composition and pH level suggest that it was from a lion.
CAM: Are you aware that lionesses do all the hunting?
BRENNAN: Yes, the males simply copulate and eat what the females catch.
ANGELA: And when they get cranky, they eat the cubs. Mm-hmm, men.
HODGINS: Wow. Before I flee for my life, the particles I found in the wounds around the femoral artery, the ones I thought might be mica? They're scales.
BRENNAN: Hmm, fish?
HODGINS: No, snake. I can maybe have a species by tomorrow.
ANGELA: Hey. You wanna stay and have a drink?
(Cam snaps her fingers at Angela)
ANGELA: Oh. Yeah. We hate men.
HODGINS: I'm going to go...now.
ANGELA: He does have a terrific ass.
BRENNAN: Perhaps, that's why you're always making him leave.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Lab - Forensics platform)
BRENNAN: No lions?
HODGINS: None in the whole park. There are tigers.
BOOTH: How much difference can there be between lion urine and tiger urine?
BRENNAN: There are no stripes in tiger urine.
BOOTH: I didn't say there are.
BRENNAN: I just know how much you love cartoons.
HODGINS: Tom and Jerry?
BOOTH: Bugs and Daffy.
HODGINS: All right, now, this is the Capybara enclosure. (brings up a picture of a capybara on the Wildlife Park) Now, they use crystallized lion urine around the edges of this enclosure to keep the capybaras inside.
Then, look at this. (Hodgins brings up another picture)
BRENNAN: The reptile shed.
BOOTH: (going up behind Brennan) Snakes!
BRENNAN: Ahhh. What is that?
HODGINS: It's a snake hook. It's used for picking them up, but keeping them at a safe distance.
BRENNAN: That hook could have severed the artery and deposited the snake scales in the gouge in the femur.
BOOTH: So, he was killed around that area with something like that thing.
BRENNAN: That is very imprecise.
BOOTH: Works for me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Angela's office - Clark enters with Dr. Nora Oldhouse.)
EDISON: Angela?
ANGELA: Clark...Hello.
EDISON: I would like you to meet my romantic partner, Dr. Nora Oldhouse.
ANGELA: Hello, romantic partner.
EDISON: Yes, we're romantically involved...together. She and I.
NORA: Clark, she heard you.
EDISON: Nora, these are not like regular people. It's best to be very, very clear with them. Nora is a tenured Professor of Women's Studies at Georgetown. And a vegan.
ANGELA: Could you be any more politically correct. Or cute?
EDISON: See? See what she just did there. I mean, it's harassment, baby. Hey, we're in a monogamous relationship. I need you to back up off me, lady.
NORA: I understand you've recently decided to be celibate, Ms. Montenegro?
ANGELA: Uh, temporarily, yeah.
NORA: That can have some physiological repercussions.
ANGELA: Tell me about it. But unbelievable fantasies.
NORA: Did you know that women in the 19th century would visit their physicians for anxiety and hysteria? And as treatment the doctor would provide manual sexual stimulation to the women and the subsequent orgasm provided -
EDISON: (interrupting) Oh, God! Nora, what are you doing?
ANGELA: I don't think that my insurance covers that.
NORA: Well, I'm just saying that these women weren't getting what they needed at home, you understand? In the absence of a s*x partner, there are other alternatives.
EDISON: (vehemently adding in) To me. Alternatives to me.
NORA: Vibrators, other s*x toys.
EDISON: Oh, God, oh God, why am I here for this? I don't need to be hearing this, excuse me.
ANGELA: He's very sweet.
NORA: I know. It was nice to meet you.
ANGELA: you, too, thank you for the tip. (Nora starts to walk away) Hey, Dr. Oldhouse? I wasn't wrong about Clark, was I? He's tightly wound, but-
NORA: Dynamite, Ms. Montenegro. A briefcase bomb.
ANGELA: That's what I thought.
EDISON: (walking in to take Nora's arm) Baby.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: FBI hallway - Cam and Booth walking to a meeting room)
CAM: When I was talking with Ang and Brennan last night about men, it occurred to me that Andrew probably didn't change much when it came to women.
BOOTH: Come on, it's been 10 years. You think Andrew was still visiting the same place?
CAM: Andrew was set in his routines and if I remember Langston correctly, this guy didn't miss a thing. (Cam and Booth enter the meeting room.) Hiya, Langston.
LANGSTON: I know you.
CAM: It's been awhile.
LANGSTON: Three-zero-one. Wednesday afternoons with Dr. Welton. Noisy afternoons. You always left smiling.
BOOTH: Hey.
LANGSTON: You were a nurse at the hospital.
BOOTH: She was a doctor. Okay, and now she's a Federal Coroner. So a little respect, okay, Rumpelstiltskin?
LANGSTON: Coroner, huh? Somebody die?
CAM: Yeah, Langston, Dr. Welton.
LANGSTON: My bet, a jealous husband. Or a jealous ex, maybe.
BOOTH: You're wearing on me, sport.
CAM: I'm gonna guess that Andrew kept coming to your motel after me.
LANGSTON: Uh, yep, he kept coming.
BOOTH: With anyone special?
LANGSTON: I don't know her name.
CAM: Describe her then.
LANGSTON: Good looking, like all of ya. Uh, tall. He liked them tall. Pretty face, sharp features. And red hair.
CAM: Red hair?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act 5
(Open: FBI meeting room)
(Brennan puts down a snake hook on the table in front of Dr. Bailey)
BAILEY: I have no idea what that is.
BOOTH: That's the murder weapon.
BRENNAN: The point of the hook tapers in a manner identical to the fatal wounds we found on the head of the femur and the pelvic bone.
BOOTH: Plus, the curved nature of the weapon resulted in, what was that?
BRENNAN: Cortical splintering.
BOOTH: See, Dr. Brennan's people found that Dr. Welton was truck with this between two and...(looking to Brennan)
BRENNAN: Four times.
BOOTH: Four times.
BRENNAN: And then was stabbed with this. In the femoral artery.
BOOTH: Would you be willing to give us the clothes you wore the night of the benefit?
BAILEY: If you had any evidence implicating me, you'd have a warrant. I believe I'll decline.
BRENNAN: We know you had an affair with Dr. Welton.
BOOTH: Which means your husband is a suspect. We'd have to question him, too.
BAILEY: I don't appreciate your veiled attempt at blackmail.
BOOTH: (to Brennan) She thought that was veiled!
BAILEY: My position dictates that any legal dealings that concern me have to go through the hospital's attorney. I'm sure you understand.
BOOTH: Right, got her on the run, Bones.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: the Lab - Cam sits at the table in the upstairs lounge with a salt/pepper shaker)
BRENNAN: Hodgins found another way to track the killer. Angela is going through all the digital photos from the benefit now. You want to hear the details?
CAM: Not right now if you don't mind.
BRENNAN: (seeing the figurine) What's this?
CAM: When I left Michelle 10 years ago, I knew Andrew wouldn't say what needed to be said so... BRENNAN: You did it.
CAM: No. I didn't know what to say. She was so little and I loved her so much. And I haven't had a child of my own, but I find it impossible to believe anyone...anyone could love a child more. But I had no place in her life anymore so, I had to... BRENNAN: You had to leave room in case Andrew found someone else who might help raise Michelle.
CAM: I had this old salt and pepper set my grandmother gave me before she died. Fits together. I kept this one and I gave Michelle the other half. And I told her that whenever she looked at it she should know that at that exact moment, I'd be thinking of her and loving her.
BRENNAN: That is not strictly... CAM: I know, Dr. Brennan. But I swear sometimes I looked at my half and I knew that little girl was missing me.
BRENNAN: Perhaps you should take her in now.
CAM: What?
BRENNAN: She's an orphan. She's alone in the world. She needs a parent.
CAM: Michelle stopped loving me years ago.
BRENNAN: But you never stopped loving her. She'll know that. The Mohawk Indians have a saying that when a child falls in the rapids, the one who rescues her will share in her new life forever. I assume that doesn't only apply to a potential drowning victim. I have to go help Angela find a snake. (Brennan gets up. Cam looks at the salt/pepper shaker)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Angela's office - Brennan stands over Angela looking at her computer)
BRENNAN: Hodgins says the scales from the wound didn't come from any snakes at the park.
ANGELA: So we should look for bloody clothing or snake skin. Dr. Bailey is here but she's wearing this white dress.
BRENNAN: Well, that's late in the evening. If she'd been the killer, it would be covered in blood.
ANGELA: (zooming in on a photograph) Oh, boy.
BRENNAN: A snakeskin handbag. Can you magnify that more? (Angela zooms in on the handbag alone)
ANGELA: That is definitely torn.
BRENNAN: Could be from the murder weapon. Can you pull back to see the person?
(she pulls back on the picture and move a few frames forward - the picture clearly shows the person)
ANGELA: It's Nancy Lauder.
BRENNAN: The nurse. But her dress is black. It wouldn't have shown blood.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Roosevelt Hospital)
(Brennan, Booth and Cam approach the Nurses' station)
BOOTH: We have a warrant for the snakeskin handbag and the dress you wore to the fundraiser that night.
LAUDER: I burned the dress. I was covered in blood.
BOOTH: I'm placing you under arrest for the murder of Dr. Andrew Welton.
(Booth cuffs her)
LAUDER: I thought he'd change.
BOOTH: Yeah, you knew Dr. Welton was having an affair with Dr. Bailey.
LAUDER: All those years. I was always there for him. If anyone knows how I felt, it's you.
CAM: No, we're not the same, Nancy. I left Andrew.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Welton house - Cam and Michelle are talking in the living room.)
MICHELLE: Why did she kill my father? Yeah, I got it.
CAM: Your father was a good man, Michelle. I still carry him with me. And he loved you. We're both very lucky.
MICHELLE: I miss him so much.
CAM: I want you to consider something. You need a place to live now.
MICHELLE: Yeah, uh, my dad has some kind of cousin in Chicago.
CAM: I...(Cam puts the salt/pepper shaker on the coffee table) would like you to come live with me.
(Michelle runs upstairs. Cam starts to walk out the front door.)
MICHELLE: (coming down the stairs holding the other salt/pepper shaker) Where you going?
CAM: I thought...
(Michelle puts the two salt/pepper shakers together so they fit into a hug. Michelle runs to hug Cam. They both cry.)
END. | Plan: A: half; Q: How much of the body of Cam's ex-fiance was eaten? A: Cam's former fiancé; Q: Whose body is found in the tiger enclosure? A: Cam; Q: Who offers to adopt the doctor's daughter? A: the death; Q: What do Booth and Brennan determine was no accident? A: the fiancé's final evening and questions suspects; Q: What does the team piece together? A: Brandon Casey; Q: Who did Sweets and Angela hypnotize to help him remember the fiancé's final evening? A: his memory; Q: What do Sweets and Angela hypnotize Brandon Casey to help jog? A: celibacy; Q: What vow does Angela take after learning that Clark is romantically involved with her? Summary: The half-eaten body of Cam's former fiancé is found in the tiger enclosure at the wild-life park, and Booth and Brennan determine the death was no accident. The team pieces together the fiancé's final evening and questions suspects, including Brandon Casey whom Sweets and Angela hypnotize to help jog his memory. Angela takes a vow of celibacy and it's revealed that Clark is romantically involved. In the end, Cam offers to adopt the doctor's daughter. |
Opening shots and series recap.
JACK : (VO) Torchwood. Outside the government, beyond the police. Tracking down alien life on earth and arming the human race against the future. The 21st century is when everything changes and you gotta be ready.
EXT. A COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT
A long, narrow Country road stretches into the distance, flanked by grassy heath land. A car comes into view, approaching the camera, it's headlights shining through the overcast darkness. A phone rings.
INT. THE SAME CAR - NIGHT
A young woman, Ellie Johnson, driving alone, answers her mobile phone.
ELLIE : Dad ? I dunno, hour an' a half tops. I'll be there as soon as I can. I can't hear you... the signal's goin' The signal is lost and Ellie looks at the phone before hanging up and dropping it on the passenger seat. As she looks up she slows the car.
CUT TO - Ellie's POV. A person lies in the road, lit by the car's headlights. A man, lying on his side facing away from the car, his hood pulled up. Ellie stops the car and looks concerned. She is very aware that she is alone in the countryside at night. She exits the car slowly and picks up a baseball bat from the side of the seat. She walks towards to figure in the road, holding the baseball bat ready to swing. She knows it could be a trick.
ELLIE : Hello ? Are you alright ? When she nears the figure she prods it with the bat. A shape rushes between Ellie's turned back and the car, unnoticed. She prods the figure again and the head rolls towards her to reveal a football stuffed inside the hood. She hears a noise behind her and turns, baseball bat raised as she hurries back to the car. In shock she sees her tyre is flattening, the air seeping out as she watches. She looks about her before entering the car. She goes to start the engine but the keys are no longer in the ignition... She begins to check the passenger seat, then pausing, she locks the door and picks up her mobile phone. There is still no signal.
ELLIE : Come on ! She throws down the phone, starting to cry in panic. She hears the screeching of metal on the car roof and looks around, trying to see up through the metal. The car beeps and the doors unlock, as she turns a figure opens the door beside her. She tries to scramble to the passenger seat and she is grabbed, screaming.
OPENING CREDITS
EXT. SAME ROAD - DAY
The Torchwood SUV travels down the road.
OWEN : I 'ate the countryside. Jack is driving the car, Owen beside him looking deeply unhappy. Ianto, Gwen and Toshiko sit in the rear.
OWEN : Dirty, it's unhygienic and what is that smell ?
GWEN : That would be grass. Owen turns to look at her.
OWEN : It's disgustin'.
EXT. MOBILE BURGER BAR - A LITTLE LATER
The SUV is parked on the grass at the side of the road. A map rests on the bonnet.
JACK : 17 disappearances within the last 5 months. Police are clueless.
OWEN : Now there's a surprise. No offence PC Cooper. He laughs, holding his hands out in surrender before he wanders away, Gwen smiling at his teasing.
JACK : The last known whereabouts of each one is somewhere around here. Jack points at a spot on the map. Gwen and Toshiko inspect the map with him.
TOSHIKO : All within a 20 mile radius.
GWEN : Anything else linking them ?
JACK : None of the bodies have ever been found, these people just fell off the radar. No patterns in age, s*x, race. One minute they're here, the next pfft, gone.
GWEN : The rift doesn't spread out this far does it ?
JACK : We don't know that much about it to be certain, and it's increasing in activity all the time.
OWEN : Oh come on ! Alien's aren't gonna bother hangin' round out 'ere. Probably some sort of weird suicide club with people choosing the same spot to end it all. Ooh, God knows if I 'ad to spend too long up 'ere I'd wanna top myself. Ianto walks over to them from the van, and hands a burger to Owen.
IANTO : 'ere you go. He walks to the SUV to hand the other's their food while Owen shakes his burnt hand from his glove.
IANTO : Careful. They're hot. Sure you don't want anything Tosh ?
TOSHIKO : Really sure. A friend of mine caught hepitius off a burger from one of these places. Gwen and Ianto stop eating after the story, Jack puts his burger on the bonnet with a sigh.
JACK : We'll start with the most recent victim, Ellie Johnson. We last have record of her making a phone call, she dropped out of signal mid call. Coverage map has her placed somewhere about here. Jack indicates a place on the map.
JACK : Looks as good a place as any to set up camp. Owen stops with his burger halfway to his mouth at Jack's words.
OWEN : Sorry. Did you say camp ? Jack smiles at Owen's hatred of the idea.
EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - EVENING
The SUV is parked in an area of short grass between rocky hills. Jack and Owen carry ca tent between them from the boot.
OWEN : What's the matter with a hotel ? They walk past 2 already erected tents.
JACK : People are going missing around here. Do you really wanna stay in a place run by strangers ?
OWEN : Oh, cos sleeping outside's gonna be a lot safer !
JACK : No other race in the universe goes camping. Celebrate your own uniqueness ! Owen drops his side of the tent in frustration, Jack walks back to the SUV leaving Owen with the bagged up tent.
OWEN : What am I supposed to do with this ? !
TOSHIKO : Need a hand getting it up, Owen ?
OWEN : If I did, I wouldn't ask you. Toshiko returns to putting up her own tent, upset by Owen's comments. Owen ignores her feelings and kicks the tent bag. Gwen watches Toshiko walk to her tent, unsure of the situation.
CUT TO : POV cannibal. Looking from one of the surrounding hills, hidden by tress, the cannibal watches Owen struggling with his tent in increasingly windy weather.
OWEN : Some pieces are missing !
IANTO : No, I've checked. The cannibal watches Ianto go towards his tent then looks at the open SUV.
CUT TO : CAMPSITE - LATER
Owen is still struggling to put up his tent. Toshiko, Ianto and Gwen sort through their other equipment.
GWEN : Oh come on ! It's just a bit of fun. Who was the last person you snogged ?
OWEN : You even sound like an 8 year old. Who the hell says 'snog' ? Jack sits in the SUV watching the hills, checking his wrist cuff and ignoring the others.
GWEN : Mine was Rhys.
OWEN : Yeah, well, there's a surprise.
GWEN : Tosh, your go.
TOSHIKO : It's easy for you.
GWEN : Oh, come on. Spill the beans ! Ianto carries a table towards them, clearly not wishing to join in the conversation.
TOSHIKO : Owen.
OWEN : What ?
GWEN : Really ?
OWEN : Tosh, love, in yer dreams.
TOSHIKO : 3 am. Christmas Eve. In front of the Millennium Centre, waiting for a cab. I had mistletoe.
OWEN : Christmas. You've... not had a snog since ?
TOSHIKO : No. They sit on crates around a table between the tents.
OWEN : Well. Lucky me 'aye ?
TOSHIKO : So who was yours ? Owen grins, twirling a spoon. Gwen smiles at him then becomes sterner as she realises he will tell them about their kiss in the autopsy room.
OWEN : Gwen actually. Jack looks over at them from the SUV, surprised at the revelation. Gwen is uncomfortable and Toshiko looks at Gwen then turns to Owen, pretending she doesn't mind.
TOSHIKO : When was this ? Owen just smiles at looks to Gwen, leaving her with the explanation.
GWEN : It was complicated.
TOSHIKO : Didn't take you long to get your feet under the table.
GWEN : What ?
TOSHIKO : So, was it just a kiss or... Jack gets out of the SUV and starts to walk towards them.
GWEN : Tosh. Leave it
OWEN : Jack.
JACK : Are we including non-human life forms ?
GWEN : (Laughing) Oh, you haven't !
OWEN : You're a sick man, Harkness. That is disgusting.
GWEN : I never know when he's joking. Jack laughs.
IANTO : It's my turn is it ? Ianto looks at the floor as he speaks, clearly depressed but ignored by the others until he speaks. They look at him, Gwen still laughing at Jack.
IANTO : It was Lisa. Gwen stops laughing and Jack glances at her.
GWEN : Ianto, I'm sorry.
IANTO : Sorry she's dead or sorry you mentioned it ?
GWEN : I just didn't think. Ianto smiles to himself.
IANTO : You forgot. Gwen looks to the others, wanting help but not receiving any. They sit silently for a moment.
OWEN : We should get some firewood. Gwen stands with him, earner for the distraction.
GWEN : I'll give you a hand. Ianto watches them leave, then looks at Jack who meets his look silently, a little annoyed with him for raising the subject. Ianto looks away.
EXT. WOODS - CONSECUTIVE.
Gwen and Owen walks through a wooded area looking for firewood. Gwen walking ahead, Owen following her.
GWEN : Couldn't you 'ave kept that to yerself ?
OWEN : What's the matter, you embarrassed ?
GWEN : You're such an arrogant sh1t sometimes Owen.
OWEN : You see to my mind that was a good kiss, it was borderline great, so good in fact you've been avoiding me ever since.
GWEN : Hah ! The country air's making you delusional !
OWEN : How long did it last, 10 seconds ? And the things I can tell from that kiss...
GWEN : Oh, like ?
OWEN : Like your s*x life isn't up to much. Gwen grabs Owen by his jacket and shoves him against a tree, angry at his comment.
GWEN : What !
OWEN : See although Rhys makes the earth rumble he don't make it move does he ?
GWEN : You better shut up before I lamp you one. Owen forces himself away from the tree and pushes Gwen against it I his place. He pins her tightly and speaks quietly into her mouth.
OWEN : When was the last time you screwed all night ? Gwen tried to get a way but Owen hold her in place, she grabs him by the back of the head. As he talks to her she gets progressively more desperate to kiss him.
OWEN : When was the last time you came so hard and so long you forgot where you are ? Doesn't happen for you, too familiar. Whereas you and me, we're not cosy at all. We'd be amazing. That scares the sh1t out of you. As they are about to kiss a figure walks through the trees a little distance behind them and Gwen hears a twig break. Gwen keeps holding the back of Owen's head, speaking against his lips.
GWEN : Some, someone's watching us, through the trees. 50 yards north, I just saw them move.
OWEN : You got your gun ?
GWEN : Yes.
OWEN : You go to the left, I'll go right. 3, 2, 1. Gwen snatches a brief touch of lips before the move to run through the trees, reaching for their guns as they go. They search the tress but the figure has gone. Gwen is unnerved, pointing her gun in the direction of every sound a bird makes. She spins at the sound of movement behind her and pints her gun at Owen, who also points his gun at her.
OWEN : Bollocks ! How did we loose 'em ? Gwen sees something in a clearing and points her gun at it, Owen turns to do the same. They move cautiously towards a figure lying on the ground, covered in sheets. Gwen signals with her gun for Owen to go first and he jumps around a bush to target the figure. Covered by Gwen he crouches down to move the sheeting with a stick, gun still aimed with his left hand. He pushes back the sheet to reveal a skinned human corpse and pumps back.
GWEN : Whoa ! Owen looks at the body, visibly choking back sickness as Gwen gasps in shock a little behind him. Flies are swarming the corpse.
EXT. THE CLEARING - LATER
Owen and Gwen have been joined by Jack and Toshiko. Gwen leans against a tree looking away while Owen inspects the body. Toshiko crouches near the body and Jack stands watching them.
OWEN : Well, it's not Ellie Johnson that's for sure. This is a male, late 40's 50's... Owen points and the maggot ridden face of the corpse. Ianto wraps yellow crime scene tape around the trees to form a perimeter.
OWEN : ...wasn't killed her. No blood splatter or signs of struggle. Must have been brought here after he died.
GWEN : Why do that ? It's not like they tried to bury him here.
TOSHIKO : Maybe you distorted them and they ran away.
IANTO : Maybe it's a warning. Whoever's responsible, marking out their territory.
JACK : Cause of death ?
OWEN : Impossible to say. Body's been stripped of the flesh and body organs so all that's left is a carcass.
TOSHIKO : Could the Weevils have come out this far ?
JACK : No. Weevil's don't finish off their victims like this. They hear a car start and they all look in the direction of the noise.
GWEN : Is that ours ?
JACK : Yep. They run from the clearing. Owen remains crouching near the body.
EXT. THE CAMPSITE - CONSECUTIVE.
The SUV is being driven over the tents. The team run towards the campsite and the thief drives away at speed. Owen, Toshiko and Ianto stop running when they reach the tents, picking up their belongings, Jack and Gwen continue running a short distance but they are unable to catch the SUV.
OWEN : Alright I said I'm sorry ! While they argue Gwen gathers up some of the mess, Jack wanders around and Ianto tracks the SUV with a handheld device.
TOSHIKO : Basic security protocols, Owen.
OWEN : Oh get of your high horse Tosh I was carrying that stupid gear.
TOSHIKO : What the whole time ?
OWEN : Yeah. Then I was trying to put that bloody tent up, and then... yeah, I sort of... forgot that I'd left 'em in there, but I'm sorry I'm human, I ballsed up.
JACK : Looks like that body wasn't a warning, more of a decoy.
GWEN : That would mean we've been watched since we've arrived.
JACK : Tosh, can you get a tracking signal ?
IANTO : Already done. I took the liberty... it's currently 3.4 miles west from here.
OWEN : Travelling at 90 no doubt, you steel a piece of equipment like that, you drive straight on 'til morning.
IANTO : Actually no, it's been stationary for the past 4 minutes, I'd go so far as to say it was parked. Gwen looks at a map.
GWEN : There's a small village in that area. Other than that, nothing for 30 miles.
TOSHIKO : Call me suspicious, but this has all the hallmarks of a trap.
JACK : Yeah. I was just thinking the same thing. Anyone fancy a walk ? Jack walks away, smiling and eager for adventure. The others look at each other before following. They walk slowly through the countryside before seeing a rundown row of 4 grey brick, two story, terraced houses in the middle of the hills.
OWEN : Why would anyone want to live out 'ere ?
JACK : Has the SUV moved ? Ianto checks the tracking device and his watch.
IANTO : Not for, an hour now. He starts walking towards the houses, the others following.
EXT. HOUSES - LATER
They walk in a line towards the houses then stop at the gravelled dirt track that runs in front of the houses. A water pump gushes water into a hole in the grass and a tractor is parked nearby. Tyres and metal barrels have been dumped carelessly around. Jack walks towards a pub - 'The Tap House' - in the middle of the row of buildings.
INTERCUT WITH : Villager POV. Looking through the upstairs window of the two story building at the team approaching. Jack stops and turns round to face the others.
JACK : Tosh, Ianto, follow the signal, find the SUV. Owen, Gwen. Lets see if there's any room at the inn. Jack walks towards the pub followed by Owen and Gwen. Toshiko and Ianto walk away to go around the back of the houses.
INT. THE PUB - CONSECUTIVE
Jack opens the creaking door to the pub and enters. It is a small old fashioned pub, clearly converted from the living room of a house. There are no people in the bar. Wooden chairs and tables are placed around the dark room, the only light entering through the window at the far end of the room. Jack turns on his torch to look around, Gwen and Owen follow his lead as they close the door behind him. Jack indicates where Gwen and Owen should go with his torch then moves away silently. Gwen moves behind the bar, looking around. Owen approaches the customer's side of the bar.
OWEN : Pint of best please love, and erm... yeah get one for yerself. He grins at Gwen who looks put out by his constant joking, Jack smiles at them then returns to his searching without passing comment. Owen moves away from the bar and Gwen opens the old fashioned till which tings as the cash drawer opens. Jack turns at the noise. Gwen pulls out a handful of £10 notes then looks at the others.
GWEN : Where is everybody ? Jack moves away and moves his head to indicate Gwen should follow. Jack moves cautiously through a narrow tunnel-like corridor, his gun ready. Owen continues searching the bar. Jack finds an open door and enters, nodding that Gwen should continue moving down the corridor. Gwen enters a filthy kitchen which buzzes with flies as she searches the room she looks up to see a mosquito catching light near the ceiling. Below it lies the blood covered, partially skinned corpse of a woman. Gwen lowers her gun then wretches over the sideboard. Jack enters quickly upon hearing the noise.
JACK : You okay? Gwen doesn't look up but waves her hand in the general direction of the body.
GWEN : In there. Jack moves past her to look. As he does so Owen approaches from the corridor, not knowing what's happening but seeing Gwen still dry heaving near the door.
OWEN : Burger comin' back to haunt ya ? He walks past Gwen to stand next to Jack. He sees the body and looks on, sickened.
OWEN : Oh my God. Oh my God... A noise is heard outside the room and Jack runs towards it into the corridor, back towards the bar.
JACK : Gwen... Gwen turns to follow him. Jack runs down the stairs, Gwen following.
EXT. THE PUB - CONSECUTIVE
Jack exits the pub, searching with his gun. Gwen runs outside past him, heedless of any danger. They run over the narrow road and scan the frontages of the houses.
CUT TO : POV VILLAGER. The villager watches Jack and Gwen from behind a tree. He is behind them facing the houses. Jack continues scanning the houses, Gwen doubles over, dry heaving again in the fresh air. She stands and lifts her gun, futilely circling around.
GWEN : Jack. Jack, please, something's goin' on here. Jack nods towards another house and moves towards it.
JACK : Let's take a look in here. Come on. Jack stands with his back leaning against the wall to one side of the front door of the next house. Gwen Leans against the door, one hand ready to open the door by the handle, the other holding her gun ready.
JACK : 1, 2, 3...
POV house interior. Gwen opens the door and enters the living room, gun first. She moves forward and Jack enters the house behind her. The house is like the pub - clearly lived in but dark and empty. Gwen move forwards and steps in something. She looks down to see a small pool of blood, she steps forward slightly and sees something in the room beyond. Jack moves to stand beside her.
JACK : What is it ?
GWEN : There's another body in there.
JACK : Same as the other. Jack keeps glancing behind him through the open front door while Gwen keeps her attention on the body in the other room.
GWEN : What did this Jack ? 'Cause whatever it is, it can't be human, how far is this gonna spread ?
JACK : Stay focused. Jack unwilling to calm Gwen's growing fear of the situation moves to the front door to check the exterior of the house.
GWEN : I should be at home having dinner with Rhys. What am I doin' here with you ? Don't you ever get scarred Jack ? Huh ? Gwen turns to look at Jack when he doesn't answer her wanting him to understand her fear and needing an explanation.
JACK : There's another two houses, we better take a look. Jack moves outside. Gwen stays in the house looking at the body.
INT. THE PUB - CONCURRENT
Owen examines the body in the kitchen of the pub, looking sickened still.
OWEN : Oh, whatever they were, I hope you put up a good fight.
EXT. HOUSE - CONCURRENT
Ianto and Toshiko follow the SUV tracking signal and walk up a hill towards a larger house which stands alone. It's windows have been boarded up but a couple of the windows on the second floor have been smashed and are open to the elements.
IANTO : It's just half a mile up 'ere. Toshiko looks at Ianto. Still in an ill mood from the previous conversation and further annoyed that Ianto is doing her job Toshiko takes the tracking device from him.
TOSHIKO : At least we've still got this. Ianto smiles, letting her take over.
TOSHIKO : The rest of my stuff was in the vehicle.
CUT TO : POV VILLAGER. A villager hides behind a stone wall close by and watches them approach the house. Toshiko kicks over a metal can lying in front of the house and looks inside while Ianto pushes at the front door - locked. As he rattles the door a brief scream is heard and they both look towards the noise.
TOSHIKO : What was that ?
IANTO : Just a... a fox or something. Check round the back. Ianto walks around the wall outlining a front garden at the house and towards the rear of the property. Toshiko pauses for a moment before moving.
TOSHIKO : Yeah. Toshiko moves cautiously around the house, walking around the opposite side to Ianto. As she moves along the side of the house, she hears the same screaming noise again behind her and turns to look. She draws her gun and puts her back against the wall of the house. Continuing towards the rear again, checking as she reaches the corner of the back wall of the house. Dead pheasants and rabbits have been hung along the back wall of the house and from a tree near by. Toshiko sees the back door and checks the handle. This door is also locked. She kicks it but it does not open. Ianto walks around the corner of the house towards her, his head down. Toshiko points her gun at him, not recognising him at first. Ianto puts his hands out to show he's unarmed and Toshiko lowers her gun, smiling at him with nervous relief. She turns to look out at the hills behind the house. Ianto climbs over a low wall and walks a short distance up the hill, surveying the area. He points ahead and speaks to Toshiko, his back to her.
IANTO : We should carry on straight up there. He receives no reply and turns to look. Toshiko is not there.
IANTO : Tosh ! Ianto draws and cocks his gun.
IANTO : Tosh ! Tosh ! Okay... He whispers to himself, trying to find courage as he moves back towards the house and down the narrow passageway between the house and the outhouse. As he nears the front of the house a figure passes the path behind Ianto who turns at the noise, ready to shoot. As he moves forward a figure runs behind Ianto and pushes him to the floor, knocking the gun from his hands. Ianto turns to look at his attacker.
EXT. THE HOUSES - CONSECUTIVE.
Jack slams open the door of another house and moves outside, followed by Gwen. They move to the next door along, still checking with their guns. Gwen still nervously aiming at every noise. As before Jack leans against the wall to the side of the door, ready while Gwen positions herself to open the door. He pulls at it but unlike the others it doesn't open.
JACK : Locked ?
GWEN : Locked. Gwen pulls harder at the door and opens it a small way - it is locked only by a chain. She looks through the crack into the house. She pushes the door closes then uses the momentum to pull the door open. As she opens the door a shot fires and Gwen is thrown backwards. Jack looks through the door then back to Gwen lying in the floor.
JACK : Gwen ! Gwen ! Gwen ! Gwen ! She does not respond but is alive. Kicks open the door of the house and aims his revolver at a young man, Kieran, standing on the stairs pointing a shotgun.
JACK : Put the gun down on the floor ! Put the gun down on the floor. Kieran looks terrified and obeys, putting the gun down slowly. Gwen is seen rolling around, unable to stand properly, coughing before the door swings shut.
KIERAN : Look. I thought you were them. I thought you'd back for me.
JACK : Thought who'd come back for you ? Kieran doesn't answer, instead sits on the stairs crying, defeated.
JACK : Who ? !
CUT TO : Gwen lies on here back in front of the house, loosing consciousness. As her eyes close she hears Owen calling her.
OWEN : Gwen ! Gwen !
POV. VILLAGER : Owen runs to crouch next to Gwen and Jack exits the house He holsters his gun as he helps Owen pick Gwen up.
JACK : Kid hit her with a shotgun. Get up, got you. I got ya, I got ya. Jack takes Gwen from Owen and carries her to the house, Owen running in first to hold open the door.
JACK : Get in.
INT. HOUSE - CONSECUTIVE
Owen throws things from the kitchen table to clear space for Gwen. Gwen is conscious and moaning in pain as Jack puts her on the table and leaves the room, running past the man who stands in the living room watching the scene.
JACK : Okay, I'll check upstairs.
OWEN : Okay, head. Owen lifts Gwen's head to put a pillow underneath and Gwen tries to grab for him as he gets things from his bag, rushing to help her.
GWEN : Owen.
OWEN : Bet you thought you'd never be glad to see me. Gwen rolls to her side and Owen pulls her back having to fight her struggles.
OWEN : Alright !
GWEN : No, please...
OWEN : Alright ! Owen grabs Gwen's wrists to stop her moving.
OWEN : Listen. Listen ! I'm gonna have a look at your wound now, okay. Keep calm. Gwen grabs the wound in her side, not wanting Owen to look at it, not wanting to know how bad it is.
OWEN : Hands off. Hands off.
GWEN : No don't please, don't...
OWEN : Okay... He pushes her hands away and pulls up Gwen's top to check the wound. A mess of small holes have punctured her side - buckshot rather than a bullet.
OWEN : Right. Could've been much worse. Gwen struggles to look and Owen puts a large piece of gauze against the wound.
OWEN : Hold this. Apply pressure. Gwen presses the gauze to the wound as instructed, crying out in pain while Owen looks at the wound.
OWEN : Bullets are lodged near the surface, you've been bloody lucky girl... Kieran looks on from the other room. Upset at his actions, unable to help.
OWEN : ...Another inch to the left, any one of your vital organs might 'ave been... Gwen looks up at his terrified and Owen just waves away the rest of his sentence.
OWEN : Anyway... Owen picks up a syringe and shows it to Gwen.
OWEN : Want a quip about feeling a small prick ?
GWEN : No but thanks for offerin'. Gwen tries to laugh against the pain.
OWEN : Here we go. Owen injects the wounds to anesthetise them while Gwen holds tightly to the back of his jacket, gritting her teeth against the pain.
OWEN : Okay, all done.
GWEN : God !
OWEN : Okay, lets get the pellets out then. Right, there's gonna be a certain amount of residue, so just lie back and think of Torchwood. Owen starts removing the pellets. Gwen rests her hand across the back of his neck, focussing on him to relax.
GWEN : Do you miss being a doctor ?
OWEN : Excuse me. I still am a doctor. I just don't deal with patients any more, that's all. It's ideal. That was the bit I always hated. Owen pulls a large pellet from Gwen's side and holding it with the tweezers holds it up to her, in a direct line with her face, he looks at the pellet and Gwen.
OWEN : You beauty. Come on, I'm good.
GWEN : Not bad. He gives Gwen half a smile then returns to taking out the pellets. Gwen lies back facing away. Jack runs downstairs to them carrying a shotgun which he rests at the side of the stairs.
JACK : What's taking Tosh and Ianto so long ?
OWEN : Jack, give 'em a chance. The SUV might be locked up or under guard.
KIERAN : Or they could be dead ! Well everyone else is !
JACK : Sit down. Tell us what happened here.
KIERAN : It's not human. Look my mum won't know what's happened... He tries to stand and Jack pushes him back down on the chair, not finished talking yet.
KIERAN : They weren't expecting me back for the weekend.
JACK : Look, we'll get you home, okay ?
KIERAN : What are you gonna do ? You can't fight them, they're too strong ! He stands and moves towards the door, Jack dragging him back to the chair again.
KIERAN : The only thing we can do is barricade the door.
JACK : No ! We'll make base at the pub.
OWEN : What about Tosh and Ianto. Shouldn't we go after 'em.
JACK : Not 'til we know what we're dealing with.
OWEN : What if it's too late ?
JACK : They're not children. They know what to do. Lets go. Jack moves into the kitchen towards Gwen and Owen puts out a hand to stop him.
OWEN : No, it's alright. I've got her. Jack spares a glance at Owen claiming his territory before running out of the house. Owen helps Gwen get off the table and moves to pick her up before Gwen stops him
GWEN : Yeah, er, Owen. Owen, I can do it on my own. Gwen tries to take a step and stumbles. Owen catches her before she can fall and she turns to look at him, about to kiss him.
KIERAN : Look, I'm sorry about your friends. They both stare at him, unspeaking.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. BASEMENT CELL - CONSECUTIVE
Toshiko lies on the dirty concrete floor of the makeshift cell. Light shines in through an opening in the wall. She sits up stiffly, rubbing her neck - she has just regained consciousness. Ianto sits nearby on a box holding a meat hook, watching her nervously.
IANTO : You know. I've never liked camping. Don't bother, they took the guns. Toshiko finds her gun is missing but pulls a torch from her sock and looks around the room. Boxes are scattered around the floor and broken doors and junk lies against the walls. A few chains hang down from the ceiling in the centre of the room.
TOSHIKO : Charming place they've got.
IANTO : Judging by the sound reverberations and the air quality, pretty deep underground. Chances of rescue... ? Toshiko checks the walls and door, looking for a way out as she speaks to Ianto, not sounding worried while Ianto is clearly scarred.
TOSHIKO : We won't need rescuing ! I haven't met a cell yet I couldn't get out of.
IANTO : What were they ?
TOSHIKO : Don't know. Happened too quickly. You worried ?
IANTO : Huh. A little. Toshiko looks up at the opening where the light shines in. It is at the top of a steep metal shoot - like the entrance to a pub cellar where the barrels are rolled down. She lifts her hand and it is covered with blood.
IANTO : That body we saw in the forrest...
TOSHIKO : Don't think about it. See if you can get that light to work, huh ? Ianto stands up and shines his torch on the chains hanging hear by, trying to fix the light.
IANTO : You're used to this aren't you ? That facial expression you all share. When things get a bit out of control, like you enjoy it. Like you get a high from the danger.
TOSHIKO : You want me to apologise for that ?
IANTO : Don't you ever wonder how long you can survive before you, you go mad, or, or get killed or lose a loved one...
TOSHIKO : It's worth the risk ! To protect people...
IANTO : And who protects us ? ! Toshiko looks away, unable to answer him.
TOSHIKO : Well, I'm hurry.
IANTO : You should've 'ad that cheeseburger.
TOSHIKO : Not that hungry. What's that... ?
IANTO : You found something ?
TOSHIKO : It's just a shoe. Wait... there's another. She shines her torch into the cubby hole and sees shoes piled carelessly.
TOSHIKO : Dozens of them.
IANTO : Oh my God.
TOSHIKO : How many people have been down here ?
IANTO : And what happened to them ?
TOSHIKO : Fridge... She moves over to the large, steel refrigerator and opens the door. The light from the fridge reveals body parts inside and she shuts the door quickly, afraid.
IANTO : Tosh ? What is it ? What's in there ? She doesn't answer and he moves towards her, to look for himself.
IANTO : Tell me. Toshiko steps in front of him to stop him from looking.
TOSHIKO : Ianto, don't ! He pushes her aside and strides to the fridge.
IANTO : I wanna know ! He looks inside the fridge and freezes, trying to take in the sight.
TOSHIKO : That's why there was nothing left on the body. They need to eat. We're food.
INT. THE PUB - CONSECUTIVE.
Owen picks up chairs and carries them across the room.
OWEN : If we barricade ourselves in, what happens to Tosh and Ianto ?
JACK : Why are we still talking about this ? Tosh and Ianto can look after themselves. The kid is our first priority now they've already been for him once, they're not gonna give up that easily. Kieran lies on the pub seating near the wall, holding his shotgun. Gwen writes on the blackboard next to the dartboard while Owen and Jack pile furniture against the door.
GWEN : So, have we ever heard of a species that strip human bodies of flesh and organs ?
OWEN : What are you doing ? You need to rest.
GWEN : Compiling what we've got. Seeing if it helps. Owen nods at her, knowing he will be unable to change her mind he returns to work.
JACK : We have to assume the others who disappeared have been killed too.
GWEN : So you think there's been seventeen deaths.
JACK : At least, these aren't casual killers.
OWEN : Okay, so all this means the rift is spreading and it's dumping aliens and psychos wherever it goes.
JACK : Looks like that.
OWEN : Great. This conversation's cheated me up no end. A figure moves past the window and Gwen turns to see it and gasps.
GWEN : Did you see that ? Owen stands next to her, gun aimed at the window.
JACK : Somebody outside ? A glass smashes outside the other window and Owen changes his aim.
OWEN : Was that the same one or different ? Gwen picks up her gun and aims alongside Owen while Jack peers out of the windows trying to see who's there. Gwen looks around at Kieran who lies asleep behind her.
GWEN : He said they'd come back.
JACK : Lets not jump to conclusions. We don't know who they are or what their intentions are. The power is cut and they are left in darkness.
OWEN : I'm thinking that's not a good sign. Jack walks behind the bar to get the power back on. Owen and Gwen remain in the bar. There is a bang at the door and Kieran wakes up.
GWEN : They've come back. Kieran, listen to my voice okay ? Just come back. Kieran ! Jack looks on from behind the bar. Watching the door rattle he reaches for his gun. The rattling stops and they look around, wondering where their adversaries have gone. The handle of the padlocked cellar door next to Jack moves and he turns towards it, aiming his gun. Gwen and Owen behind him at the end of the bar aim in the same direction.
JACK : Okay, so we didn't check the cellar. Jack holds the door shut with his shoulder.
KIERAN : You can't let them in !
GWEN : Kieran back to the door ! Kieran moves him aim back to the front door.
KIERAN : Don't let them beat ya !
OWEN : Got this under control.
KIERAN : You don't understand. You don't know what they're like ! Kieran shoots at the front door.
GWEN : Kieran ! The chairs tumble from the front door as the door Jack is trying to hold closed opens. Jack steps back and shoots into the cellar. The front door opens and shots shatter the bottles at the back of the bar. Gwen, Owen and Jack crouch behind the bar. Kieran lies on the floor, only his head and torso in sight, the villager's have his legs. Jack shoots at them over the bar.
KIERAN : No, please ! Please, no, no, not me !
GWEN : Kieran ! Kieran is dragged out of the pub. Jack crouches next to Gwen behind the bar, blocking her path.
JACK : It's pitch black you don't have any tracking devices, do you wanna get yourself killed ?
GWEN : Get out of my way !
JACK : Look, whatever's in that cellar took three bullets, I heard it fall. Once we know what it is then we'll know how to deal with it.
GWEN : You do that, we'll go after Kieran and the others.
JACK : You are wounded.
GWEN : Do you think that's gonna stop me ? Jack knowing Gwen has made up her mind nods towards the door and lets her have her own way.
JACK : Be careful. Owen looks questioningly at Jack as Gwen leaves the pub.
JACK : Go.
INT. THE CELL - CONSECUTIVE
Toshiko and Ianto check the door, trying to escape.
TOSHIKO : Got to be three steel bolts, top, middle and bottom.
IANTO : How are you at calculating target stress points ? Find the weakest point, bit of brute force...
TOSHIKO : Nice thought, but it's reinforced. Ianto kicks at the door anyway while Toshiko looks through the debris on the floor of the cell. As Ianto kicks a light shines through the small viewing hole in the door and Ianto throws himself to the side of the door, out of sight. Toshiko crouches on the other side, holding a piece of metal as a weapon. The door creaks open and a woman with a shot gun enters. Ianto jumps behind her and tries to wrestle the gun from her. The gun fires and she jabs Ianto in the stomach with the butt of the shotgun, making him fall to the floor. Toshiko stands in front of her, holding a piece of metal ready to strike. The woman is middle aged, plain and functionally dressed.
HELEN : Look at me, you idiot, I'm not gonna hurt you.
TOSHIKO : You've got a gun !
HELEN : I promise. I promise. Helen backs towards the door, the gun held in one hand towards the ceiling, the other hand held out calming to Ianto and Toshiko who stand ready to attack her.
TOSHIKO : Okay, give us some space.
HELEN : Thank you. She looks towards Ianto and starts moving slowly towards him as she speaks to him as if she is trying to calm an animal or unruly child.
HELEN : Were you injured, when they took you ? Let me see, I'm a nurse. She reaches up towards his face and Ianto flinches away from her.
HELEN : Okay. Okay. She moves back from Ianto and takes a step towards Toshiko who readies her metal bar.
HELEN : Okay. Okay. Does anyone else know you're here ? Have you managed to call for help ?
TOSHIKO : We don't need any help. There's three more of us in the village. Helen looks at them, terrified and backs towards the door.
HELEN : I can't help you. I'm sorry.
IANTO : What do you mean ?
HELEN : I've been sent to collect you. I've got to take you to them.
TOSHIKO : Tell us what's going on. We can help. She fearfully laughs at Toshiko's suggestion.
HELEN : No one is safe. Every ten years... it takes us again.
TOSHIKO : What takes you ? What is it ?
HELEN : The harvest. Ianto glances at Toshiko then starts to rush at Helen but she raises her shotgun and he stops.
HELEN : No ! Please ! She moves her aim between Ianto and Toshiko.
HELEN : You have to come with me. Toshiko looks at the gun aimed at her face and recognising the fear in Helen knows there's no hope. She drops the metal bar grudgingly.
INT. PUB CELLAR - CONSECUTIVE
Jack walks down the stairs onto the dirt floor of the cellar. He pauses, gun ready, at an open doorway next to the stairs. He pauses for a moment to listen then turns quickly into the doorway, gun ready he begins searching the room. Tall shelves are dotted around the room. Each shelf is full of jars containing human organs. Jack looks at the jars, then moves on around the room. He sees a shotgun lying an the floor and then hears heavy breathing. He spins around to see a man lying on the floor behind him. The man is injured. He pulls down his hood and balaclava type mask to reveal a normal, human man.
MARTIN : Help me, please help.
JACK : Did you attack us ?
MARTIN : I'm dying, help me. I'll tell you everything. Jack picks up Martin and throws him onto a board leaning against a wall. He ties a tourniquet around the man's thigh while he cries out in pain.
JACK : This'll help you for a short amount of time. Having tied the tourniquet Jack moves to grab Martin's collar.
JACK : Now start talkin'.
MARTIN : You gotta get help. I know where you can get... Jack slaps him across the face making him flinch in pain.
JACK : We had a deal. I help you, you tell me where they've taken the boy and what the hell is goin' on around here. Martin starts laughing, in a slightly deranged way, at Jack.
MARTIN : You don't know ! Jack removes the tourniquet from his leg with one hand, his other holding the man down by his throat.
MARTIN : Put it back ! Jack keeps his hand on Martin's throat, the other grips his crew-cut hair so he cannot move while he speaks.
JACK : You need to know something. A long time ago I was a pretty good torturer, you see I had quite a reputation as the go to guy, my job demanded it at the time you see. So I know where to apply the tiniest amount of pressure to a wound like yours... Jack reaches down and presses at Martin's wounds - he screams in pain.
MARTIN : Okay, you gotta stop ! You're gonna kill me ! Please !
JACK : It's in your power to make me stop. Just tell me what I need to know. 'Cause in 10 seconds I'm gonna find a sharp object... Jack pulls out his revolver and holds it by the barrel so Martin can see it.
MARTIN : I'll tell you everything. Just stop. Please !
JACK : Now talk.
EXT. DIRT ROAD - NIGHT
Owen and Gwen stumble up onto a dirt lane, just wide enough for a single car, and flanked by trees. Owen has his arm around Gwen holding her up. Gwen cries out in pain as she tries to walk.
OWEN : Sure you're alright ?
GWEN : Yeah I'm fine. A police 4x4 drives towards them down the lane, its sirens on. Owen and Gwen stand in the middle of the road and the car stops.
OWEN : That's all we bloody need !
GWEN : Let me do the talking and I'll get rid of 'im. A young, uniformed police officer - Huw - gets out of the car and approaches them.
HUW : Who are you please ?
GWEN : Special ops. We're Torchwood, have you heard of Torchwood ?
HUW : What's that then ? A band is it ? Owen moves a little in front of Gwen, trying to hide the wound in her side from Huw.
HUW : What's wrong with 'er ?
OWEN : Nothin'. You wouldn't understand.
GWEN : Alright. What's that light over there ? A light shines dimly through the trees behind Huw and he turns briefly to look before answering.
HUW : The big house. An official village hall. Village meeting tonight, that's why I'm here. Constabulary report. Gwen and Owen run past Huw towards the light.
GWEN : Come on !
HUW : Where do you think you're goin' ?
INT. SHERMAN HOUSE - CONSECUTIVE
Toshiko and Ianto are backed into a kitchen, Helen pointing the shotgun at them and indicating a direction.
HELEN : In there please.
TOSHIKO : If you help us, we can stop all this. Please !
HELEN : I'm sorry. Get back.
TOSHIKO : That stench... Toshiko and Ianto turn to see plastic sheeting hanging from the ceiling. The push it aside and see a human body, wrapped in plastic, hanging from the ceiling by it's feet. As they edge further into the room they see jars of blood and organs standing on a plastic covered table. Two more plastic wrapped bodies hang near the fall wall of the room. Helen moves quietly behind Toshiko, unnoticed as Toshiko and Ianto cannot take their eyes from the gory contents of the room.
TOSHIKO : Tell us what these creatures are. Do they look like us ? A man has entered the room unnoticed and stands off to the side, watching them. His is middle aged and weathered in appearance.
EVAN : How else are we gonna look ? Evan steps forward through the sheeting towards them. Helen looks at him and then laughs at Toshiko, the ruse having worked. As Ianto and Toshiko watch them Evan kisses Helen. Ianto uses the opportunity to rush at them, but Evan sees him and knocks him hard in the stomach. Evan goes over to him as he lies on the floor and Helen aims her shotgun at Toshiko. Evan handcuffs Ianto's wrists behind his back.
HELEN : There are three more out there
EVAN : Not a problem. How are they ?
HELEN : They're in a good state. Dropping Ianto to the floor Evan moves behind Toshiko and kicks her calves, making her fall to her knees. Helen lowers her gun while Evan picks up some rope from a near by shelf and ties Toshiko's hands behind her back.
HELEN : I think they're the best we've ever 'ad.
EVAN : Yeah. Oh, I forgot to tell you. Caught the boy... Helen goes to Ianto and pulls up his head to look at him while Evan moves across the room, behind the table.
EVAN : Finally. Come on, come on ! Evan pulls up Kieran by his neck and removes the crude sack from his head.
KIERAN : Look, I won't tell anyone. Helen puts her face next Ianto's and uses his hair to pull his head round to look at Kieran.
HELEN : Aww, look.
TOSHIKO : Who is he ?
EVAN : He's meat. Evan pushes Kieran back to the floor and Helen chuckles and stokes the back of Ianto's head before backing away. Evan walks towards them and puts a hand of each of their heads as he speaks to them.
EVAN : I'm afraid we're all just meat. He follows Helen back into the kitchen.
IANTO : Get ready to run. They both get to their feet and look through the plastic sheeting at Evan and Helen. Evan has picked up a baseball bat. He turns towards them and Toshiko speaks to him, defiant.
TOSHIKO : What you gonna do, put us on meat hooks ? Evan glances at Helen and she laughs before walking away. Evan moves back into the room to speak to Toshiko.
EVAN : No, not yet. Evan stands close to Toshiko and runs the baseball bat over her as he speaks.
EVAN : You see meat has to be tenderised first. Evan grabs Toshiko close to him, licking his lips. Toshiko glances at Ianto who nods. Evan moves over to Ianto, the baseball bat held up towards Ianto's face. Evan looks Ianto over - checking the meat and Ianto smiles at Evan. He headbuts Evan and he and Toshiko run for the door, Evan grabs Ianto.
IANTO : Go, get the others ! Evan punches Ianto in the face then kicks him in the stomach as he falls to the floor. Evan picks up a machete from the side and leaves the room. Ianto looks across the floor towards Kieran, unable to help. Helen smacks Ianto in the face with the but of her shotgun and he looses consciousness.
EXT. WOODS - CONSECUTIVE.
Evan runs through the woods, chasing Toshiko. Machete in one hand, torch in the other. Toshiko hides behind a bush. Evan pauses on the other side of the bush, looking for her - knowing she cannot have run far.
EVAN : I know you're here. Evan moves around slowly, hunting Toshiko. He calls for her like you would a cat. He looks about laughing, enjoying the game. As he moves away Toshiko crawls around the bush then stands and runs. Evan, waiting for her, catches Toshiko in his arms and pushes her onto her back.
EVAN : No one's coming for you. Toshiko kicks Evan in the balls hard and she manages to run away into the woods. She hides behind a tree and looks for Evan as she catches her breath. She sees him approaching slowly and runs. Evan sees her and chases her, not running fast enough to catch her, just to keep her running. Toshiko trips in a clearing and unable to keep her balance with her hands tied behind her back falls face down on the ground. She cries out and tries to struggle away but cannot get back up. Evan holds her down with a foot on her back.
EVAN : No more games. Evan turns Toshiko over and puts a hand across her throat, choking her into unconsciousness. He mouths unheard words to her. A gun barrel and torchlight appear at Evan's temple.
OWEN : Get off her or I'll shoot. Get off her or I'll shoot ! Owen stands over Evan, the police officer, Huw, behind him. Evan continues choking Toshiko, starting to laugh and Owen kicks him away. Gwen pulls Toshiko into a hug while Owen kicks Evan onto his back and aims his gun at him.
GWEN : We saw the torchlight.
TOSHIKO : They've murdered all the villagers. They've cannibalised the bodies.
EVAN : Put the gun down.
OWEN : You're in no position to negotiate mate.
GWEN : It's alright, it's alright. You can arrest him now ! The Huw does not move.
GWEN : I said you can arrest 'im !
EVAN : He won't arrest me, him. Evan lies back laughing and the Huw walks forward, also smiling.
HUW : That'd be a laugh wouldn't it ? My own uncle. Huw draws a gun and aims it at Owen. Owen continues aiming at Evan. Gwen draws her gun, stands and aims at the officer.
GWEN : Put the gun down don't you hurt him.
EVAN : Shoot the b*st*rd. Split his skull.
GWEN : Put the f*cking gun down !
EVAN : Shoot !
GWEN : I will shoot you, put it down.
EVAN : Pull the trigger, Huw. Huw has the gun barrel near to Owen's face, he will not miss. Owen shakes his head at Gwen and she lets Huw take her gun. Evan stands up and speaks quietly to Owen.
EVAN : Why don't you give me the gun, mate ? Owen gives Evan the gun and he strokes it down Owen's face while Owen and Gwen look at each other.
INT. SHERMAN HOUSE - CONSECUTIVE
Gwen, Owen and Toshiko are pushes back into the Sherman's kitchen. A group of people sit around the table.
TOSHIKO : Who are these people ?
HELEN : This is our village.
GWEN : The villagers are dead ! Helen laughs and the others smile, paying the food no attention.
TOSHIKO : All involved. They've all been doing it.
EVAN : This is our harvest.
OWEN : Only in the bloody countryside ! You sick fuckers. The villagers laugh at them as Evan and Huw push them through the plastic sheeting into the other room. Gwen stumbles over to Kieran when she sees him.
GWEN : You okay ? You okay ?
TOSHIKO : Where's Ianto ? What have you done with him ? Evan bends down behind the table and pulls up Ianto. Evan pulls the sack from Ianto's head. He has been badly beaten and is unconscious. Owen gasps in shock and tries to move but is held back by Huw. Evan slaps Ianto across the face.
EVAN : Wake up man. Ianto's eyes open and he shakes in fear against Evan's grasp.
EVAN : Time to be bled... Evan picks up a cleaver from the table and holds Ianto's head up - his hand under his chin and across his mouth.
EVAN : ...like veal, takes a long time though, definitely makes the meat taste better. Helen watching on from the kitchen notices a bowl shaking and frowns. Evan hears the noise and moves to stand by Huw, facing the wooden barn doors that lead outside. Huw points his gun at the doors.
EVAN : What now ? What the f*ck ? A tractor smashes through the doors and Jack jumps out, shooting the villagers with a shotgun. They all lie injured on the floor and Jack looks around. Huw reaches for a gun and Jack sees him.
JACK : Oh really ? Jack shoots Huw in the hand then moves over to Evan. He pulls Evan up by his collar and digs his revolver under Evan's chin.
GWEN : No Jack, don't do it ! Gwen moves to Jack, standing nearby and pleading with him
JACK : These people don't deserve warnings.
GWEN : Let me question him. I have to understand, I want to know why otherwise this, this is too much.
TOSHIKO : They're injured, they need to get to the hospital.
GWEN : Owen you control the bleeding then phone the police. Jack, please give me an hour with him. Don't tell me you don't wanna know too. Gwen puts a hand on Jack's shoulder and he releases Evan.
INT. THE PUB - MORNING
Gwen sits opposite Evan at a small table in the pub. Jack sits a little way off watching them.
GWEN : The whole village was involved.
EVAN : Every generation, our tradition. Once a decade, target those travelling through, those most likely to disappear.
GWEN : And butcher them. What sort of people are you that you wake up in the morning and think this is what I'm gonna do ? Why do you do it ? Come on, make me understand.
EVAN : Why do you care ?
GWEN : I have seen things you would never believe and this is the only thing I can't understand. Evan looks at Jack and grins. Jack looks at him blankly.
EVAN : So keep on wondering.
GWEN : Tell me, I need to know why ! Jack stands when Gwen starts shouting. He puts a hand on Evan's shoulder.
JACK : That's enough. Time to go.
EVAN : I'll tell you something. If you let me whisper it. Jack releases him and Gwen nods slightly. Evan leans eagerly across the table and whispers in Gwen's ear.
EVAN : It made me happy. Jack pulls Evan up by his collar away from Gwen.
JACK : Come on. Out. Jack pushes Evan from the pub while Gwen sits in shock, unable to understand.
EXT. ROAD OUTSIDE PUB - LATER
Ambulances and police cars are parked randomly outside the houses. Ianto sits on the end of the SUV boot. Owen and Jack stand in front of the SUV watching the scene. Toshiko speaks to ambulance crew. As Gwen walks over she sees Huw being led away by police and Evan being pushed into a squad car. Gwen walks past Owen and Jack, silently.
INT. GWEN'S FLAT - LATER
Gwen sits on the settee watching television with Rhys.
GWEN : (VO) I had a good job before this. I thought in a year or two perhaps a baby, I know Rhys would be a good dad and I'd try for desk sergeant and...
CUT TO : CARDIFF STREET - EVENING.
Gwen walks down a street that evening.
GWEN : (VO) ...well it was all sorting into place. And then I met you lot...
CUT TO : INT. OWEN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT.
Gwen stands looking out over Cardiff through the darkened glass walls of Owen's bedroom wearing a man's shirt.
GWEN : (VO) ...all these things, all these things they're changing me. Changing how I see the world. And I can't share them with anyone. Owen enters, topless and stands behind Gwen. They close their eyes.
OWEN : You can now. Gwen pulls Owen's hands around the front of her waist and rests her head on his shoulder before turning to kiss him passionately.
Owen Teale - Evan B. Sherman / Maxine Evans - Helen Sherman / Calum Callaghan - Kieran / Rhys op Trefor - Huw / Emily Boker - Ellie / Robert Barton - Martin. | Plan: A: the Rift; Q: What is spreading? A: Torchwood; Q: What team investigates a series of gruesome deaths? A: the Brecon Beacons; Q: Where is the village that Torchwood investigates located? A: such shocking injuries; Q: What sort of creature could cause what? A: a terrifying enemy; Q: What do the Torchwood team confront when they are separated? Summary: Concerned that the Rift is spreading, the Torchwood team investigates a series of gruesome deaths located in a small isolated village in the Brecon Beacons. What sort of creature could cause such shocking injuries? Stranded without communications or equipment, and separated from one another, the team confronts a terrifying enemy. |
THE SEA DEVILS
BY: MALCOLM HULKE
5:50pm - 6:15pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: INT. SEA FORT. ANOTHER PASSAGE
JO: Shh, listen!
(They hear a ragged breathing. Round a corner in the passage, a shape stumbles towards them.)
JO: It's coming towards us!
(The figure comes round the corner. It is CLARK but the man is almost deranged. He has a wrench in his hand which he raises with a gasp.)
DOCTOR: Stop! We're friends!
(CLARK takes no notice.)
DOCTOR: Stop!
(He rushes at the man and grabs his arm, spinning him round and pinioning the limb. CLARK drops the wrench. The man is clearly out of his mind and is almost sobbing as the DOCTOR holds him.)
CLARK: Hickman! He's dead! They killed him! The sea...the sea...the sea devil!
DOCTOR: Come on, Jo, quick. Give me a hand.
(The DOCTOR puts the almost-fainting CLARK'S arm across his shoulder and JO takes the other.)
JO: (To CLARK. comforting him.) It's all right.
DOCTOR: We've got to get him into that cabin.
(They start to help the man down the passage and back to the crew room. He babbles as they go.)
CLARK: Hickman...
DOCTOR: Come on. All right.
CLARK: Monster...
DOCTOR: Yes...
CLARK: Sea Devil...
DOCTOR: That's right...
CLARK: Hickman...
(As they move out of sight, the turtle-faced creature - the SEA DEVIL - comes from round a corner and watches them go.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: SEA FORT. CREW ROOM
(The DOCTOR and JO help CLARK into the crew room. He is still babbling and weak.)
CLARK: The sea monster...
DOCTOR: Yeah, come on, don't worry.
(They lead him over to a bunk bed and help him down onto the bottom bed.)
DOCTOR: Get yourself down here.
(CLARK places himself down.)
DOCTOR: That's right.
JO: Yes.
(CLARK lies back with JO holding his head. He is still almost incoherent.)
CLARK: Hickman...
JO: Shh...
DOCTOR: Where's the radio?
(CLARK doesn't answer but breathes in an almost sobbing fashion. The DOCTOR shouts into his face.)
DOCTOR: The radio - where is it?
(CLARK points across the base of the bed towards another part of the crew room.)
DOCTOR: Over here?
(The DOCTOR goes over to an empty metal box on a shelf and looks in it.)
CLARK: Hickman...
JO: Shh...
CLARK: Ripped it out...they took it away.
DOCTOR: Yes, they certainly did.
(The DOCTOR looks round and sees a wooden first aid box affixed to the wall above the shelf. CLARK cries out and JO soothes him with whispering comforting words.)
CLARK: Sea monster...
(The DOCTOR rifles through the box and returns to the bed with a swab, a bottle and an small box.)
CLARK: Monster...
JO: Yes, yes, yes, all right.
(The DOCTOR sits on the edge of the bed. He opens the small box and takes out a hypodermic syringe.)
DOCTOR: (To CLARK.) Now, listen to me... (To JO.) Take this swab, Jo. Swab his arm.
(JO starts to undo the swab packet and carry out the task as the DOCTOR starts to fill the syringe whilst talking to the almost incoherent man.)
DOCTOR: (To CLARK.) Now, are there are more transmitters on this fort?
CLARK: No...nothing...
DOCTOR: Any transistor radios, that sort of thing?
CLARK: I think so - the crew's quarte...the crew...
JO: Want do you want to do? Listen to... "Night ride"?
DOCTOR: It is possible to turn a receiver into a transmitter, you know.
JO: It is?
DOCTOR: Yes, it's simply a matter of modulating the signal. You connect the output of your loudspeaker into the input of your low frequency amplifier...and you connect the output of your low frequency amplifier into your oscillator. You use your loudspeaker as a microphone...
(He finishes filling the syringe.)
DOCTOR: And there you are.
JO: Ah.
DOCTOR: (To CLARK.) Now, where exactly are these transistor radios?
CLARK: C...crew's quarters...down the corridor...next deck...
DOCTOR: All right. Thank you.
(He prepares to inject the man.)
DOCTOR: Now don't worry, this is not going to hurt you.
(He finishes injecting him.)
DOCTOR: All right? Now you'll soon be all right.
CLARK: Hickman...
DOCTOR: Soon be all right. Look after him, will you, Jo?
JO: Yes.
(The DOCTOR leaves the crew room as JO soothes the man as the injection takes effect.)
JO: Shh, come on, try and relax. Come on. That's it.
(CLARK'S breathing eases and his eyes fall closed.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. SEA FORT. PASSAGE
(The DOCTOR walks along a silent passage and descends the staircase to the lower level. As he reaches the bottom step, he stops and backs against a wall as the SEA DEVIL turns a corner. The creature sees him and almost jumps with shock.)
DOCTOR: Don't be alarmed. I've no wish to harm you.
(The SEA DEVIL raises an arm. On the end of its arm is a weapon which resembles a round metal disc on the back of which is a hood which rests over the creature's hand.)
DOCTOR: Now wait - we must talk!
(A red flash of fire shoots from the weapon and there is a corresponding flash on the wall behind the DOCTOR'S head. After the briefest of glances at the wall, the DOCTOR rushes for the staircase and runs up them. The SEA DEVIL gives chase.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. SEA FORT. ANOTHER PASSAGE
(The DOCTOR runs as fast as he can down one of the passages of the fort, the SEA DEVIL close behind him. The DOCTOR climbs down a ladder and runs back for the crew room but the SEA DEVIL is not far behind in descending the ladder.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: SEA FORT. CREW ROOM
(CLARK'S eyes are open again but he is still. JO speaks quietly to him.)
JO: How do you feel now? Would you like a nice hot cup of tea with some sugar, hmm?
(The DOCTOR rushes into the room and slams the door shut behind him, slamming a bolt home.)
JO: What are you doing?
(The DOCTOR doesn't answer but starts to look over the unkempt room.)
DOCTOR: Wire?
(He sees a length of wire among some rubbish and, picking it up, runs over to a junction box near the first aid kit.)
JO: What is going on?
(The DOCTOR starts to make adjustments to the wire.)
DOCTOR: Just as I thought - reptiles - like those creatures in the caves.
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: INT. SEA FORT. ANOTHER PASSAGE
(The SEA DEVIL runs towards the crew room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: SEA FORT. CREW ROOM
(The DOCTOR finishes connecting the wire to the junction box.)
DOCTOR: It's completely hostile.
(The DOCTOR hands her the wire.)
DOCTOR: Here, hang on to this - tight! Hang on.
JO: Right.
(The DOCTOR goes to the other end of the wire and finds that it ends in two strands with crocodile clips. He fixes these to the doorframe and the bolt.)
JO: Well now what are you doing?
(The DOCTOR goes back to JO and takes the wire from her, giving some final twists to secure it to the wires from the junction box.)
DOCTOR: Those creatures can cut through anything - rock, metal, anything.
(They hear a hissing noise.)
JO: Look!
(A red glow appears on the barricaded door. The metal barrier starts to melt. Enough of a hole is eventually burnt through to enable the SEA DEVIL to stick an arm through and start to feel for the bolt. The DOCTOR slams home the lever on the junction box. The SEA DEVIL is touching the bolt when it is flooded with electricity and it flashes. The creature gives a scream of pain and hastily withdraws its arm. The DOCTOR moves to level back into the 'off' position.)
DOCTOR: Come on. Give me a hand.
(He and JO pull the table back and the DOCTOR unbolts and opens the door.)
JO: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: We've got to get after that creature - now, come on.
(They run into the passage.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. SEA FORT. ANOTHER PASSAGE
(Holding its injured arm, the SEA DEVIL stumbles along one of the fort's metal passages. The DOCTOR and JO are not far behind.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: INT. SEA FORT. PASSAGE
(They are running down the staircase as they hear the SEA DEVIL crying out as it falls out of the window and into the sea.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: EXT. SEA FORT
(They rush to the window and look out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. NAVAL BASE. CAPTAIN HART'S OFFICE
(JANE BLYTHE is on the phone as HART enters his office.)
3rd OFFICER JANE BLYTHE: (Into phone.) Keep trying.
(She puts the phone down.)
CAPTAIN HART: Morning, Blythe.
3rd OFFICER JANE BLYTHE: Good morning, sir.
CAPTAIN HART: Anything in?
3rd OFFICER JANE BLYTHE: We've had this report from civilian police, sir. That man who was here yesterday, trying to get over to the fort, seems to have disappeared with the boat he came in.
(HART gives a sigh and moves over to his desk. BLYTHE follows with the report which she places before him.)
CAPTAIN HART: Oh no!
3rd OFFICER JANE BLYTHE: He and the girl were seen heading out to sea yesterday afternoon. There's been no sign of them since.
CAPTAIN HART: Well, get onto the fort and see if they've wound up there.
3rd OFFICER JANE BLYTHE: I've already done that, sir. The fort just wasn't answer - I can't raise them at all.
(HART starts to look concerned and picks up the phone.)
CAPTAIN HART: Well we'd better take a look around. (Into phone.) Get me air-sea rescue.
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: EXT. NAVAL BASE
(Soon, a sea king helicopter is heading off for the fort.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: SEA FORT. CREW ROOM
(Things are quieter at the fort. CLARK is asleep while JO makes a mug of tea. She looks over at the DOCTOR who has the innards of a transistor radio across the table.)
JO: How's it going?
DOCTOR: It's nearly finished - just about to test it.
(JO brings the cup over and looks over the table.)
JO: Mmm, I've seen things like that in a modern art exhibition! You don't honestly think you can transmit with it, do you?
DOCTOR: Certainly I do. Ah, I'll prove it to you. Right, here goes.
(He picks up a small exposed speaker and holds up a length of wire as an aerial. He then flicks a switch on the transistor. Instantly, inane music starts to blare out.)
DISC JOCKEY: (OOV: Over radio.) ... here on Earlybird, we've got a wonderful batch of discs for you this morning! So, don't feel isolated and cut off from the world - whoever you are, wherever you are, we've got something just for you!
(The DOCTOR smiles somewhat sheepishly. JO badly conceals a grin.)
JO: Hey, that was my favourite DJ!
DOCTOR: I think I must have got me wires crossed somewhere!
(They both laugh. JO moves the mug towards him.)
JO: Here's your tea.
DOCTOR: Thanks.
(JO moves to check CLARK and adjusts his sheets as the DOCTOR starts to make adjustments to his lash-up.)
JO: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Mmm?
JO: Those "things" that attacked us - you said you'd seen something like it before.
DOCTOR: Something very similar, certainly. They emerged from some caves in Derbyshire.
JO: The...Silurians, wasn't it? The Brigadier was telling me.
DOCTOR: Ahh, that's a complete misnomer. The chap who discovered them must have got the period wrong. No, properly speaking, they should have been called the Eocenes.
JO: That was that race of super-reptiles that had been in hibernation for billions of years, wasn't it?
DOCTOR: That's right, and if you want my opinion, there's another of their colony right here beneath us.
JO: Well, something seems to have woken them up.
(JO goes to pour herself a mug of tea.)
DOCTOR: Probably the rebuilding of this fort.
JO: But I thought you said they lived in caves?
DOCTOR: Well, this is a different species - completely adapted to life underwater.
JO: And they've been sinking this ships?
DOCTOR: Very likely.
(She rejoins him with her tea.)
JO: Why? I mean, why are they so hostile? What have we done to them.
DOCTOR: Well, they still think of Earth as their planet, Jo, and they want it back. As far as they're concerned, man is just an ape who got above himself.
(The DOCTOR finishes his re-work.)
DOCTOR: Right, I think that should do it. Let's have another go.
(He again picks up the speaker and the aerial wire and switches the apparatus on.)
DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Hello, hello, Mayday, Mayday, Mayday! This is, er, this, erm, this is... (To JO.) What is this? What's our callsign?
(JO goes to where the original radio set was and reads a notice on the wall.)
JO: Oscar Bravo Tango Seven Four.
DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Hello, Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, this is Oscar Bravo Tango Seven Four. We are stranded on this fort and have a wounded man here. Can you send immediate assistance? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Over.
(The DOCTOR switches the microphone off. There is a slight crackle of static from the speaker.)
JO: Doctor, you don't think you'll get through to anybody on that old lash-up, do you?
(However...)
HELICOPTER PILOT: (OOV: Over radio.) Hello, Oscar Bravo Tango, I am receiving you, loud and clear. I am about to land, over.
(The sound of an approaching helicopter is heard. JO hugs the DOCTOR.)
JO: It worked!
(She runs from the room.)
DOCTOR: (Into radio.) Hello, Oscar Bravo Tango speaking - who are you? Who are you? Over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: EXT. NAVAL BASE
(JO runs to the window, looks out and sees the helicopter.)
JO: It's a helicopter!
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: SEA FORT. CREW ROOM
(The DOCTOR looks with pride over his set-up. He picks up the speaker unit)
DOCTOR: Yes, well, though I say so myself, I think that's a remarkably efficient piece of work!
(A small flash rips through the set. The DOCTOR drops the piece and puts a rueful face in his hand.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. CASTLE. MASTER'S ROOM
(TRENCHARD walks into the MASTER'S room with a guard who is carrying a large cardboard box. The MASTER is reading a book again.)
TRENCHARD: (To the guard.) Right, put it over there.
(The guard puts the box on the table.)
TRENCHARD: (To the MASTER.) Here we are then.
MASTER: Splendid!
(He gets up and goes to the box as the guard leaves the room.)
TRENCHARD: Er, none too easy, you know - getting hold of something like this at a moments notice. Had to send one of my chaps to the mainland. Said it was for theatricals.
MASTER: Ha! How very ingenious.
TRENCHARD: Nothing to it. Just have to use the old loaf, you know. When do we leave?
(The MASTER has placed a naval officer's hat on his head from the box.)
MASTER: As soon as possible.
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: INT. NAVAL BASE. CAPTAIN HART'S OFFICE
(JANE BLYTHE finishes another phone call and puts the receiver down as HART enters the room with the returned DOCTOR and JO.)
CAPTAIN HART: How can I go to the Admiralty with a story like that? Sea Devils! If only you had some proof.
JO: What about the two men on the fort? One of them was killed but the other one saw the creature.
(HART and BLYTHE give each other a look. HART gives his secretary an instruction...)
CAPTAIN HART: Yes, get on to sickbay, will you? See if he's conscious yet.
(JANE carries out the request and picks up the phone.)
3rd OFFICER JANE BLYTHE: (Into phone.) Sickbay, please. Oh hello, Captain Hart's secretary...
(Across the room, the DOCTOR starts to harangue HART again.)
DOCTOR: Even you must admit that something happened on that fort!
CAPTAIN HART: Well, perhaps one of them went berserk and...attacked the other one.
JO: But we saw it too - remember.
CAPTAIN HART: You may...
(JANE comes over to them, having finished her call.)
CAPTAIN HART: Well, Blythe?
3rd OFFICER JANE BLYTHE: He's still delirious...and he's babbling something about Sea Devils.
(HART looks shocked.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: EXT. NAVAL BASE. ENTRANCE
(A minimoke from the prison approaches the gate to the naval base. It is driven by one of the guards with TRENCHARD in the passenger seat. They both hold up passes to the ratings who open the gate. The minimoke drives in.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: EXT. NAVAL BASE. CAR PARK
(The minimoke drives into a parking space. TRENCHARD and the guard get out.)
TRENCHARD: You can go to the Petty Officer's mess. I'll send for you later.
CASTLE GUARD: Very good, sir.
(The guard moves off. TRENCHARD looks round to make sure that they are unobserved, knocks on the side of the vehicle and then walks away. A minute after he has gone, a blanket in the rear of the minimoke is thrown back and the MASTER, complete in senior naval officer's uniform, looks up. Seeing that the coast is clear, he gets out, straightening his jacket. Some distance off, TRENCHARD glances back but then carries on. A squad of ratings, escorted by their officer, march past.)
NAVAL OFFICER: Squad, eye's right!
(The squad carries out the command and the MASTER salutes them.)
NAVAL OFFICER: Eye's front!
(The MASTER watches them go with a satisfied smile on his face...)
NAVAL OFFICER: About...turn!
(...and then walks off into the base, saluting more ratings as he goes.)
NAVAL OFFICER: Squad, halt!
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: INT. NAVAL BASE. CAPTAIN HART'S OFFICE
(An impatient CAPTAIN HART is taking an unwelcome phone call.)
CAPTAIN HART: (Into phone.) Well did he say why he wanted to see me? (He listens.) Oh, all right, you'd better send him up.
(HART puts the phone down, sits and resumes his conversation with an equally impatient DOCTOR.)
CAPTAIN HART: All right then, Doctor, let's assume that I accept the existence of these...Sea Devils - what do you want me to do?
DOCTOR: Well, to begin with, we must make every effort to make contact with them.
CAPTAIN HART: But you claim that they're responsible for sinking the ships.
DOCTOR: It may still be possible to find a peaceful solution. We're not dealing with animals, Captain Hart, we're dealing with intelligent beings!
(There is a knock on the door and TRENCHARD walks in.)
TRENCHARD: Have you got a minute, old chap?
(JANE BLYTHE takes his hat.)
TRENCHARD: Thanks very much. (To HART.) Want a word with you about the golf tournament.
(Suddenly he sees the DOCTOR and JO. He slightly loses his composure.)
TRENCHARD: Good heavens!
DOCTOR: Colonel Trenchard.
TRENCHARD: Ah, Doctor.
(He takes JO'S hand in an oily grasp as if to pat it.)
TRENCHARD: Miss Grant, er, thought you two'd left the island yesterday?
(JO recovers her hand.)
JO: Well, we didn't quite manage to get away.
TRENCHARD: Taking a look round the island? (To the DOCTOR.) Charming spot, isn't it?
(HART coughs significantly.)
TRENCHARD: Er, sorry to bother you, John, old man, but it's about the weekend. We are rather relying on you, you know?
CAPTAIN HART: Well, of course, I'll do my best but if we get a bit of a flap on, then...
TRENCHARD: (Interrupts.) That's just what I was thinking, so perhaps it would be as well if I arranged to have a reserve standing by.
(The DOCTOR, barely keeping his temper, interrupts acidly...)
DOCTOR: Yes, why don't you do that, Colonel?! Captain Hart is likely to be very busy from now on.
(He storms across the room and starts looking over the transparent chart.)
CAPTAIN HART: Yes, life is rather full at the moment, George.
(TRENCHARD refuses to take the hint and perseveres, much to his audiences' annoyance...)
TRENCHARD: Exactly! So as I was passing, I just thought old John's going to pretty tied up with all these ship's sinking...
CAPTAIN HART: Well...
TRENCHARD: ...is it fair to ask him to play golf in the middle of something like this? So I said to myself "What I'll do is - I'll just drop by and sound him out". You see, time's getting short and I've got to get cracking...
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: INT. NAVAL BASE. STORES ROOM
(The MASTER enters the stores. He checks that no-one is around and then goes behind the counter where the packed shelves are. He starts to look over the labels on the boxes and packages, taking selected items. He returns to the counter and starts to put the items in a sack. As he does so, someone enters the room - the middle-aged uniformed figure of C.P.O. SMEDLEY. He stands to attention when he sees the MASTER, who carries on regardless.)
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: I'm sorry, sir, but should I know you?
MASTER: You certainly should, chief. Had you not been warned of my coming?
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: No, I'm afraid not, sir.
MASTER: Special audit, Ministry of Defence.
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: (Puzzled.) Special audit, sir?
MASTER: Yes, the items in this bag here are defective. Did you realise that you were carrying defective supplies here, Chief?
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: Look, I'm sorry, sir, but do you mind if I see your pass, please?
MASTER: Captain Hart's preparing it right now. He'll be bringing it down right away.
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: I see, sir. Well then, you won't mind if I just phone and double check then, will you?
(He goes to a phone on the counter.)
MASTER: What exactly are you suggesting?
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: I'm not suggesting anything, sir. I'm just obeying orders.
MASTER: (Shouts.) You will obey my order, Chief Petty Officer!
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: Your order, sir?
(The MASTER turns his hypnotic stare on the C.P.O.)
MASTER: You will obey me...you have seen my pass and it is quite correct...
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: Your pass...?
MASTER: You have seen my pass...
(SMEDLEY, fast coming under the hypnotic influence, shakes his head to dispel the effect.)
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: No, I've gotta phone and check!
(He picks up the phone but before he can take any action, the MASTER gives him a vicious chop to the back of the neck. SMEDLEY slumps to the ground. The MASTER replaces the handset, picks up his sack of parts and heads for the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. NAVAL BASE. CAPTAIN HART'S OFFICE
(TRENCHARD'S diversion continues, despite HART'S best efforts.)
CAPTAIN HART: Now, don't worry, George. If I can't make the tournament, I'll let you know in plenty of time.
TRENCHARD: Yes, but you do understand?
(JO looks at the DOCTOR who is barely restraining himself.)
TRENCHARD: I don't want you to feel under any pressure about this. If you want to drop out, I suppose I could rope in old Harry.
CAPTAIN HART: Well, perhaps that's for the best. Now, if you don't mind, George...?
(HART tries to lead him to the door but TRENCHARD gently pulls him back.)
TRENCHARD: At the same time, I don't want you to miss your game. (Laughs.) I mean we...we'd much rather have you - if you can manage it.
CAPTAIN HART: Well, I'll do my best. (Meaningfully.) Now, goodbye, George.
(He opens his office door for his visitor to leave.)
TRENCHARD: Yes, yes, of course, I...see how busy you are.
CAPTAIN HART: Yes.
(TRENCHARD crosses to the DOCTOR and JO.)
TRENCHARD: Staying down here much longer, Doctor?
DOCTOR: It entirely depends how long it takes me to conclude my business. Good day, Colonel.
TRENCHARD: Yes, yes, of course, I...mustn't hold you up. Er, goodbye, Miss Grant. It's been a great pleasure to see you again.
(He holds out his hand for JO but she pointedly doesn't take it.)
JO: Goodbye, Colonel.
TRENCHARD: (Embarrassed.) Well, I'll, er... (Coughs.) I'll be pushing off then. Oh, thanks very much.
CAPTAIN HART: I'll be in touch, George.
TRENCHARD: Yes.
(TRENCHARD finally leaves and HART closes the door after him. JO gives a sign of relief and crosses to the window, looking out across the base.)
CAPTAIN HART: Now then, Doctor, where were we?
DOCTOR: Where were we indeed? Ship's must be kept away from this area.
CAPTAIN HART: Doctor, those are major shipping lanes. We'd have protests from all over the world.
DOCTOR: You'll have even bigger protests if ships go on sinking.
CAPTAIN HART: And even if we do declare it a prohibited area, how are we going to enforce it?
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: EXT. NAVAL BASE
(At the window, look of total surprise appears on JO'S face.)
CAPTAIN HART: (OOV: Inside office.) You know what happens in the English Channel - Trinity House marker buoys are ignored half the time.
DOCTOR: (OOV: Inside office.) You'll just have to patrol the area, won't you?
(Down below her, she sees the MASTER, in his full naval uniform, walking freely through the base.)
CAPTAIN HART: (OOV: Inside office.) What are we supposed to do ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: INT. NAVAL BASE. CAPTAIN HART'S OFFICE
DOCTOR: ...realise how how dangerous...
(JO spins round from the window.)
JO: Doctor!
DOCTOR: What?
JO: Doctor, come here!
DOCTOR: Jo, please! Not now!
CAPTAIN HART: (To the DOCTOR.) Don't you believe it...
JO: Doctor, it's the Master!
DOCTOR: What!
(He runs to the window.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
25: EXT. NAVAL BASE
DOCTOR: (Inside office.) Where?
JO: (Inside office.) Down...
(She looks to where she saw him, but he has now gone and the area below is empty.)
JO: But it was him! Look, I know it was!
(The DOCTOR looks at her...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
26: INT. NAVAL BASE. CAPTAIN HART'S OFFICE
(...and turns back to HART.)
DOCTOR: Captain Hart, I suggest that you order a full security alert immediately.
(The phone rings and JANE BLYTHE answers it.)
CAPTAIN HART: Would you mind telling me what this is all about?!
DOCTOR: Miss Grant has just seen a very dangerous criminal in your base!
CAPTAIN HART: Doctor, I've been very patient with you, but if thought...
(JANE BLYTHE interrupts him with the message from the phone call.)
3rd OFFICER JANE BLYTHE: Sir, someone's been found unconscious in the sonar stores.
DOCTOR: (To JO.) Come on!
[SCENE_BREAK]
27: EXT. NAVAL BASE. ENTRANCE
(The minimoke, driven by the castle guard with TRENCHARD and the MASTER as seen and unseen passengers respectively, approach the main gate. The guard and TRENCHARD hold up their passes and the barrier is opened. The vehicle passes out and as it does so, a wailing siren echoes around the bass. Rating's run from the guard room, throwing rifles to their compatriots as the minimoke drives away from the base.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28: INT. NAVAL BASE. STORES ROOM
(SMEDLEY is sat on a chair in the stores, rubbing his neck as HART, the DOCTOR and JO stand over him.)
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: (Groggily.) I don't know. He...he was taking equipment, sir. Said he was...doing some special audit. Well, I went to phone up to check and that's when he hit me.
DOCTOR: What did this officer look like?
C.P.O. SMEDLEY: About my height, he...he was dark and...and he had a short beard.
JO: (To the DOCTOR.) You see - the Master.
CAPTAIN HART: (Impatiently.) Who is the Master?
JO: How did he get in here? He's supposed to be locked up.
DOCTOR: Trenchard.
JO: What?
DOCTOR: Well don't you see? He arrived just before this happened...and he left just a few moments ago.
JO: Of course! All that silly talk about a golf tournament.
CAPTAIN HART: Are you suggesting that George Trenchard is mixed up in all this?
DOCTOR: Yes, I certainly am. Captain Hart, can you lend me some transport?
CAPTAIN HART: Well, of course I can, but what's it all about?
DOCTOR: No time to explain now. Come on, Jo.
(They leave the stores.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
29: EXT. CASTLE
(A naval jeep, driven by the DOCTOR with JO as a passenger, pulls up at the castle. They get out, show their passes to the guards and enter.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
30: INT. CASTLE. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
(Inside his office, TRENCHARD is practicing his golf putt into a glass on its side. There is a knock on the door.)
TRENCHARD: In conference!
(His command is ignored by the DOCTOR who bursts in.)
DOCTOR: Colonel Trenchard!
TRENCHARD: Hello, old chap? What are you doing here?
DOCTOR: I've reason to believe that your prisoner has escaped.
TRENCHARD: Nonsense!
DOCTOR: It is?
TRENCHARD: See for yourself.
(He crosses to the venetian monitor and switches it on. The view is much the same as before - the MASTER sat in a chair reading.)
TRENCHARD: There you are, you see? Safe and sound.
JO: Well he may be here now, but half-an-hour ago he was at the naval base.
TRENCHARD: Impossible. Be a case of mistaken identity.
(The DOCTOR stares intently at him in a battle of wills.)
TRENCHARD: Er, I'll tell you what though, I'll...I'll go and check the guards myself.
DOCTOR: Yes, you do that.
TRENCHARD: Yes.
(TRENCHARD walks out of his office and shuts the door behind him. The DOCTOR looks at JO and gives a nod of his head. She takes the hint and looks into the corridor while he crosses to a phone. JO comes back.)
JO: (Whispers.) All clear.
(The DOCTOR picks up the phone.)
DOCTOR: Try and get an outside line.
(The DOCTOR taps the cradle of the phone, puts it down and tries another.)
DOCTOR: No, they're both completely dead. Now listen, Jo, I want you to take the jeep, go down to the naval base and call UNIT. Tell them that Colonel Trenchard and his entire staff are to replaced immediately.
JO: But, Doctor...
DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) No "buts", Jo, just do as I ask!
JO: What about you?
DOCTOR: Now, don't worry about me. I'll stay here and keep an eye on him. Now, you hurry.
[SCENE_BREAK]
31: INT. CASTLE. MASTER'S ROOM
(In the MASTER'S room, TRENCHARD is starting to lose his composure...)
TRENCHARD: But the girl saw you!
MASTER: Oh, it could only have been a fleeting glimpse. Convince her that she was mistaken.
TRENCHARD: I tell you, they don't believe me. The Doctor knows.
MASTER: Very well, in that case, suggest to the Doctor that he come down here and see me for himself.
TRENCHARD: What's the good of that?
MASTER: I'll tell him exactly what we're doing. I'll convince him to keep quiet.
TRENCHARD: Could you?
MASTER: Yes, yes. But I must see him alone. I don't want any guards. You leave everything to me. I'll put the Doctor's mind at rest.
TRENCHARD: All right.
(He heads for the door.)
TRENCHARD: I suppose it's worth a try.
(He leaves the room. Immediately, the MASTER goes to a chair which he stands on and starts to remove a small grille on the wall. Behind it is the security camera. The MASTER puts a black cloth over the camera, puts the grille back and climbs down. He presses a bell button next to his bathroom door and sits in his chair with his book. A second later, his door opens and a guard enters.)
MASTER: Ah, I think there's something wrong with the air-conditioning in. Now, that grille seems to be blocked.
(As the guard turns and looks up at the indicated grille, the MASTER comes up behind him and clubs him down with a doubled fist on the back of the neck. The MASTER is about to remove the collapsed guard's pistol when he spots a dagger in a sheath which he removes.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
32: INT. CASTLE. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
(The DOCTOR ties a blindfold round his head and places the golf ball on the floor. TRENCHARD enters.)
TRENCHARD: I've seen the guards. Everything's in perfect order...
DOCTOR: Fore!
(The DOCTOR putts the ball and it shoots across the carpet and enters the glass.)
TRENCHARD: Bless my soul!
(TRENCHARD looks in shock at the DOCTOR as he takes the blindfold off.)
DOCTOR: You were saying, Colonel?
TRENCHARD: Yea...
(TRENCHARD realises that someone is missing...)
TRENCHARD: Where's Miss Grant?
DOCTOR: Oh, she's gone back to the naval base.
TRENCHARD: Oh, I see. Look here, old chap, if you're worried, I suggest you go and see the prisoner yourself.
DOCTOR: Oh, I've just seen him.
TRENCHARD: (Worried.) What?
DOCTOR: Yes, on there.
(He indicates the monitor.)
TRENCHARD: (Relieved.) Oh! Yes, quite, but, er, if you're in any doubt, I'd sooner you interrogated the man yourself, er, you know the way, don't you?
(He opens his door.)
DOCTOR: If you insist.
(The DOCTOR leaves and TRENCHARD rushes to his phone which is now working.)
TRENCHARD: (Into phone.) Trenchard here. There is a Miss Grant on her way down to you. She is not to leave!
[SCENE_BREAK]
33: INT. CASTLE. PASSAGE OUTSIDE MASTER'S ROOM
(The DOCTOR walks down the passage to the MASTER'S room. He sees that there is no guard outside and that the door is open. He cautiously enters the room and stands in the doorway.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
34: INT. CASTLE. MASTER'S ROOM
(The MASTER is sat in his chair with a newspaper.)
MASTER: Why, Doctor? So you came for a chat.
DOCTOR: Been out for a little jaunt, have you?
MASTER: I beg your pardon?
DOCTOR: Why did you go to the naval stores and steal those electronic spares?
(The MASTER gives a quiet laugh and stands up.)
MASTER: How could I possibly go anywhere? You know very well that I'm a prisoner.
DOCTOR: You've got some sort of hold over Colonel Trenchard. What's going on?
MASTER: I can see that I shall have to tell you everything.
(He whips out the guard's gun from under his newspaper. The DOCTOR looks at it for a moment.)
DOCTOR: Good afternoon!
(He pulls the door shut between him and the MASTER who runs over to the metal barrier, listens, and then slowly leaves the room with the gun raised.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
35: INT. CASTLE. PASSAGE OUTSIDE MASTER'S ROOM
(The DOCTOR is stood to one side of the doorway, his back pressed against a wall. He kicks out a long leg, and with it, the gun from the MASTER'S hand. The MASTER reaches on the wall behind him where there is a small rack of fencing swords and takes one.)
DOCTOR: Like that is it?
(He grabs another sword from a similar rack. The two immediately cross swords and battle commences. There is a furious clash of metal but both men prove expert in the art. They reach the point where the two blades are pressed against each other in a trial of strength but the DOCTOR wins and pushes his opponent back onto the floor and then uses the diversion to dive through an archway behind a curtain. The MASTER recovers and starts to slash at the curtain. The DOCTOR comes out from another archway and nonchalantly watches the MASTER'S efforts.)
DOCTOR: I wouldn't do that if I were you. That's government property.
(The MASTER spins round in anger. The two men clash swords again. This time, the MASTER grabs the DOCTOR'S fencing wrist and pushes him back into the cell.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
36: INT. CASTLE. MASTER'S ROOM
(The DOCTOR lands on the table in the centre of the room. He manages to dodge out of the way before the MASTER'S sword comes crashing down and dodges back the other way before the sword comes down again. He then recovers his feet. The DOCTOR then crashes his sword down and knocks the MASTER'S sword from his hand. The DOCTOR holds his own sword against the MASTER'S chest, sits on the table and grabs a sandwich from a plate with his free hand.)
DOCTOR: I always find that...violent exercise makes me hungry. Don't you agree?
MASTER: Then you'd better enjoy your meal, because it might be your last!
DOCTOR: Oh, you think so?
(The DOCTOR, confident of having the better skills, uses his own sword to throw the MASTER'S sword back into his opponent's hands. There is another furious clash which sends the DOCTOR back and falling into the chair. The MASTER rushes at his downed adversary and the two men grab sword wrists.)
MASTER: You're good, Doctor, but you're not good enough!
DOCTOR: Ah, but you haven't seen the quality of my footwork yet!
(The DOCTOR brings up his left leg and uses it to push the MASTER back, over the table, and falling badly to the floor. He grimaces in pain as the DOCTOR gets to his feet, holding both the swords. He looks down at the MASTER and tuts.)
DOCTOR: How many times have I told you? Violence'll never get you anywhere.
(He turns his back on the MASTER, who gets to his feet, takes out the concealed dagger that he stole from the guard and throws it at the DOCTOR'S back...) | Plan: A: a Sea Devil; Q: Who traps the Doctor and Jo on the fort? A: the Master; Q: Who convinces Trenchard to help him steal some electronic components? Summary: The Doctor and Jo are trapped on the fort by a Sea Devil while the Master convinces Trenchard to help him steal some electronic components. |
Lola: Oh! I think it's working.
Glenn: Don't break open the champagne just yet. This may look straightforward, but there's a lot going on behind the scenes. Anything...can...happen. But it didn't, and we are done! Sew her up! Okay. Thanks, everybody.
Cat: Wow, Glenn. That was so amazing. I'm so impressed.
Glenn: Oh, any pediatrician can throw in a kid's heart. It's the stuff you've been doing lately -- that's the real stuff.
Cat: Yeah? What stuff do you mean?
Glenn: A-all. All of it.
Cat: You think?
Glenn: Oh, I don't have to think, I feel.
David: And cut. Cut! I said cut, cut, cut, cut.
Dixie: Sorry, I didn't hear you.
David: Obviously you did hear me, 'cause you responded the third time I said it.
Dixie: Maybe if you said it louder the first time, then it wouldn't be an issue.
David: There's no issue, honey. My wife, everybody. I guess I made my own bed, right? [ Laughs ] Moving on. Hallway scene, let's go.
Lynn: Sorry, David, David. One sec. Um, I just, uh... I hate to be that actress, you know, and I just -- but I have to say, and I know you have so much other stuff to worry about, but, you know, why am I just a glorified nurse in that scene?
Jessica: Let me say a word about what the network thinks, okay? You're our anchor.
Lynn: Uh-huh.
Jessica: Lynn, you are our anchor.
Lynn: Right.
Jessica: You have grown old on this show, audiences know you. We would just like audiences to know Dixie a little more. Has anyone seen my iPad?
Cutter: Hey, everybody. I'm glad I caught you. This is Jake, my nephew. He's interning here now and he's a huge fan of the show. This is Lynn Williams.
Jake: I know who you are. Will you sign this?
Lynn: Of course.
Jake: I photoshopped it. You're my favorite. You were my favorite five years ago. Right now, Dixie's my favorite. Is Dixie here?
Cutter: Yeah.
Jake: I want to meet her next. I also put in Chinese Santa Claus because, like, what does that even mean?
Cutter: What does that mean?!
Dixie: You want to come to my dressing room and rehearse in 20 minutes?
Glenn: Yes, just tell me when and where.
Dixie: [ Groans ]
Lynn: Hey, Dixie. Great wedding last week.
Dixie: You know what? David and I were just so happy to have you there. And thank you so much for the dish towel.
Lynn: Cut the [Bleep] You and I both know that you got hitched to the director...
Both: 'Cause you don't have the talent to make it on your own. How long you gonna stay with him, huh?
Lynn: How did you know what I was gonna...
Dixie: Say?
Lynn: Whoa.
Dixie: Honey, I've been playing out this conversation in my head ever since the wedding. You think I stole your position on the show just like I stole David. Well, guess what. He was given to me by him.
Both: So why don't you just --
Lynn: Ohh, see. I've been playing out this conversation my head since it began 30 seconds ago. Two can play at this...
Dixie: Game.
Both: Justin...Timber...Bum.
Dixie: Game on, Lynn. Ms. Williams, them ready for you in studio B.
Lynn: Game on. Yeah, she on her way. Them talking about some gay man.
Owen: Dori, what time does that staff meeting start?
Dori: It started 10 minutes ago. Do you want me to tell them that you're on your way?
Owen: [ Snoring ]
Dori: Uh... [ laughs ] Um...Should we cut? He's sleeping again.
David: Cut! Okay, let's break for brunch and we'll try it again afterward. That's brunch, everybody! One hour for brunch!
Rob: [ Exhales sharply ] What is wrong with me?
Cutter: Did you fall asleep again?
Rob: Yes. Something's definitely off, I can feel it. Ohh! I need a massage. Jake, you're a fan of the show, it'd be a big treat for you.
Jake: Yes, it would.
Rob: Oh, good. Get over here. Ahh. Mind the tubes, boy. That dialysis machine is filtering my rotten blood. You tweet that and I'll stab you.
Mr. Huebel, there's a Dr. Bloomfield waiting for you at reception.
Rob: [ Sighs ] Send him in.
Oy, this having a broken kidney is no fun at all.
Lady Jane: [ Humming ]
Lynn: Lady Jane, can I ask you a question?
Lady Jane: [ British accent ] Oh. Anything, ducky.
Lynn: Oh, good. Ah, well, have you ever felt like someone's edging in on your territory, but there's just nothing you can do about it because she's married to the director?
Lady Jane: More times than I can count, my dear. I was on a music hall tour with a broad-shouldered Welshman. We were clog dancers, and we pulled in for a two-nighter at Nesbie's place in Haymark. Now, this would before the fire, of course, and there was no ventriloquist!
[ Laughs ]
Because Charlie Morton was sloshed in Lambert Square, driving on the right side of the road, which is the wrong side of the road, despite what you colonists might think. And he was having a one-sided conversation with donkey squires, which if you did know donkey squires, you really would know that it's not unusual at all.
Lynn: I don't know him.
David: Action.
Chief: Lola, if you hit my car in the parking lot one more time, I'm gonna smack you.
Lola: Oh! Chief, you said one more time. I thought I had one more time.
Chief: Ha, you're right. You got me.
David: And cut! Great.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lady Jane: My advice would be to drive a wedge between Dixie and David.
Dr. Bloomfield: Well, your remaining kidney is essentially gone. You need to stay on your dialysis machine 24 hours a day. If you go off it for even a minute, you could die.
Rob: Oh, come on. What do you know anyway?
Dr. Bloomfield: Look, Rob. I'm your doctor. I just tell you what I see in the chart. Ultimately, you'll do what you want to do.
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
Oh, I have a robocall from Verizon. I have to take this.
Rob: What am I going to do? If the producers find out I'm this sick, my career is over.
Jake: I have an idea where you can stay on your dialysis machine 24/7, still act on the show, and no one will ever know.
Rob: Speak.
Jake: Space robots.
Dixie: It's only been nine and a half minutes, Dr. Ritchie. You're early.
Ken: I couldn't wait any longer for my appointment, Dr. Black.
Dixie: I think I have to write you a prescription for romance.
David: And cut!
Ken: Aaah!
David: Did you hear me that time? Was it loud enough?
Dixie: David, how long have you been standing there?
David: No, it looks like the scene's in really, really, good shape.
Dixie: Don't even go there, David. We were clearly just rehearsing.
David: I'm serious, Dixie. I love it.
Dixie: David.
Ken: Thank you, Mr. wain.
Lynn: Hi. No, hold on. Just one moment. I don't want to be that actress but, you know, I never rehearsed a kissing scene when I was married to you.
David: Lynn, I can't --
Lynn: Just -- David, just open your eyes, okay? Dixie has been screwing falcon for months.
David: I knew it.
Lynn: I'm so sorry, but I do have an idea for some changes to the love scene that I think you might find interesting.
Rob: [ Clears throat ]
Lynn: Okay. Find me.
C-3PO: Greetings, master David. I am C-3PO, Childrens Hospital's resident protocol droid and this is my counterpart, r2-d2.
Rob: And I'm Owen Skywalker, Jedi pediatrician. What do you think, David? This could be a really great thing for my character.
David: No, and that r2 unit looks like it has a bad motivator.
Rob: Oh, I guess we'll just have to go over his head. Oh, I need slack on my blood tube. Scene 40 on stage 3.
Ken: Careful, you. I have ways of knowing if you do less than your best.
Dixie: Oh, my God, what are you doing? You're putting splootches all over my face for my love scene. Why would you do that?
David: It's new pages. I don't know who wrote them, but from now on, Cat Black has this contagious virus and she's got to be in this plastic bubble.
Dixie: What? Why? This is so confusing. I don't understand it. I didn't get these pages.
Lynn: Well, game set, almost match, advantage Lynn. Check and checkmate.
Dixie: I still have one more ace up my sleeve. First and 10, 35 yards to go.
Lynn: Game on.
Dixie: Oh, you game on.
Lynn: No, you game on. It's game on, not gay mon. Tomayto, tomahto.
Dixie: [ Gags, coughs ] What is that?
David: The virus makes your character smell bad.
Dixie: Does that even show up on TV?
David: Yes and no. Action!
Cat: Oh, it's only been nine and a half minutes, Dr. Ritchie. You're early.
Glenn: I couldn't wait any longer for my appointment, Dr. Black. My God, I want to kiss you so badly right now, but I'd rather not get your deadly virus.
Cat: I rather die than not be with you, Glenn.
David: No, no, no. No, no. That's not in the script.
Lynn: Game off, Dixie. Game off.
David: Jessica, I am so sorry. I promise you, it will never--
Jessica: Stop happening? I hope so, David. This is exactly the kind of thing the networks want. Keep it rolling! It was a brilliant idea.
David: Thank you.
Cat: It's a miracle! I'm cured!
Owen: Cat, I'm a Jedi knight, and my droids and I came here to cheer you up.
David: No, no, no, no. I told him --
Jessica: I approved it. The Sci-Fi kids will love it.
Glenn: Can we cut? She smells like a dill weed omelet.
Lady Jane: Sorry. I always forget that you colonies don't drive indoors. It's our teeth that are the problem, really. And the rain and tea time, Benny hill, the queen.
Jessica: Wait a minute. That's not r2-d2. Are you on dialysis?
Rob: I have to be tethered to that machine or I'll die. So I guess my career here is over.
Dixie: Wait, Rob. The machine is smashed to bits and you seem -- you seem fine.
Rob: But that doctor said that --
Dr. Bloomfield: I said that because I knew all you needed was the confidence to believe in yourself. That's all you ever needed. No machine on earth can deliver that.
Rob: Wait, I really don't understand.
Dr. Bloomfield: And that's the only thing that you all need. Lynn, it's not about being the bigger star. Everyone can have a good part in the great TV show we call life.
Lynn: I see that now.
Dr. Bloomfield: And, David, you definitely direct the elements on the set. But in your own life, you've forgotten the foundation of a relationship is trust. Jessica, beautiful Jessica. You've been work, work, work so much, you've lost sight of what you're working for. Call your mother.
Jessica: I will, I promise.
Rob: But seriously, what's going on?
Dr. Bloomfield: Cutter Spindell.
Cutter: Yeah, do me.
Dr. Bloomfield: Make the most of these last 10 days you have left on earth.
Cutter: Whoa. What?
Dr. Bloomfield: And, falcon, your thing is the crazy eyes and stuff.
Ken: You get it?
Dr. Bloomfield: Dixie Peters, you're doing great. No notes.
Dixie: Oh, okay. Thanks. Thank you.
Dr. Bloomfield: And you. Yes, all of you. Don't we all have secrets we keep behind the scenes? Do your doctor know that camera's not rolling?
Rob: I don't know what the hell's going on.
[ Jazz music plays ]
Sal: Attention, staff.
My name is Bram Strunk and I play Sal Viscuso on "Childrens Hospital." That is all. | Plan: A: Childrens Hospital; Q: What show were Lynn Williams and Dixie Peters filming? A: Dixie Peters; Q: Who does Lynn Williams have a romantic rivalry with? A: the director; Q: What is David Wain's job? A: Rob Heubel; Q: Who tries to hide his medical condition from the show's crew? A: his medical condition; Q: What does Rob Heubel try to hide from the crew of Childrens Hospital? A: the help; Q: What does Cutter Spindell give Rob Heubel to keep his job? Summary: While filming an episode of Childrens Hospital, Lynn Williams and Dixie Peters have a romantic rivalry over the director, David Wain, who has divorced the former and married the latter. Meanwhile, Rob Heubel tries to hide his medical condition from the show's crew in order to keep his job with the help of Cutter Spindell. |
(pictures of brides and grooms at their weddings)
Future Ted VO: Kids, in life there are a lot of big romantic moments, and they make life worth living. But here's the problem, moments pass, and lurking just around the corner from those moments is a cruel, unshaven b*st*rd named reality.
INT. WEDDING RECEPTION
(Ted, Barney and Tanya, a bridesmaid, sit)
Future Ted VO: And so, back in 2006, on the night of Claudia and Stuart's wedding, reality was the enemy.
Tanya: Wow, the Peace Corps?
Barney: Yeah, I ship out tomorrow for two years. You know, some people say the Peace Corps is the most noble thing a person can do. To those people, I say, "Is it?" And usually they say, "yes it is."
Tanya: Barney, they are so right. I wish there was something I could do.
Barney: Oh, Tanya, I'm so glad you said that.
(Barney leans over and whispers to Tanya)
Future Ted VO: This wasn't how I thought the night would turn out.
(Ted's dream scenario of him and Robin dancing)
Future Ted VO: This was finally supposed to be my big moment with Robin. But then reality came along.
(flashback to Robin getting called to do news, then flashback of Robin anchoring the news)
Future Ted VO: Robin got called up last minute to anchor the 11 o'clock news. It was her big break.
(back to present scene)
Future Ted VO: And I went to the wedding stag. Then, when I least expected it...
(Ted notices girl and smiles, Girl smiles back)
INT. APARTMENT
(Lily and Marshall sitting on couch, Ted walks over to them)
Lily: Hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night?
Ted: I had the most amazing night ever.
Marshall: Tell me about it, that cake, best cake I ever had. Seriously. My stomach was like, hey bro, I don't know what you're eating 'cause I don't have any eyes but it's basically awesome so keep sending it down gullet alley.
Lily: Yeah, I know. My stomach was like, girlfriend, we don't always get along but that cake...
Marshall: Say what?
Ted: Lily.
Lily: Oh right. Most amazing night ever, and go.
(flashback to Ted talking to Victoria at wedding)
Victoria: I should tell you, I have a rule. I never hook up at weddings.
Ted: I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule.
Victoria: Well, here's the thing. Those big romantic moments, they're great when they happen, but they're not real.
Ted: Exactly. Exactly, like, like just now, when I saw you doing the chicken dance out there, I'm not gonna lie to you, big time thunderbolt.
Victoria: You should see me tap-dance. You'd be down on bended knee.
Ted: Sadly not out of character. But I know now it's just a mirage.
Victoria: Wedding goggles.
Ted: Exactly. And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm not putting the moves on you.
Victoria: This isn't the moves?
Ted: What, you think this is the moves? Believe me, you'd know the moves. People ten tables away would know the moves.
Victoria: That's too bad.
Ted: Tell me about it.
Victoria: You know, I think I have a solution.
Ted: Interested.
Victoria: And, to preface this, we're not going to sleep together tonight.
Ted: Less interested.
(Victoria laughs)
Ted: Go ahead.
Victoria: OK. So the thing that always screws it up is the next day, right? So, why don't we just cut that part out.
Ted: What are you saying?
Victoria: I'm saying, I'm here, you're here, and this is a big, romantic wedding. Why don't we just dance and have a great time and then when it's over, never see each other again.
Ted: Unless...
Victoria: No, no unless. No emails, no phone numbers, not even names. Tonight we will make a memory that will never be tarnished. And then, when we're old and gray, we'll look back on this night and it'll be perfect.
Ted: Wow. OK, I'm in.
Victoria: OK.
Ted: I guess, what, we'll need fake names?
Victoria: Um, you can call me Buttercup.
(Victoria extends hand, Ted shakes it)
Ted: Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. I'm Lando Calrissian.
(Victoria laughs)
Ted: Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will forever be shrouded...
(Barney comes up to Ted with a bridesmaid)
Barney: Ted, Ted, Ted, look, I got a bridesmaid, Ted, look, look, Ted, the second hottest bridesmaid, Ted, look. See ya Ted.
(Barney leaves quickly with Tanya)
Ted: So, I'm Ted.
Victoria: Victoria. But no last names.
Ted: No last names.
(back to present scene)
Marshall: Oh.
Lily: Oh, what is wrong with you?
Marshall: Dude, that is just like... a weenie ass idea.
Ted: No, it was awesome. I had a great night, I'm never gonna see her again, and there's no way to ruin it.
Marshall: Ted, how do I explain this to you? Last night I had the best cake of my life. You think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and then I'm gonna get some more cake.
Ted: That cake really got to you, huh?
Marshall: It haunts me.
Lily: So, what happened next?
(flashback to Ted and Victoria at wedding) Victoria: OK, ground rules have been established.
Ted: Mm-hm.
Victoria: Now let's see some of these moves I've heard so much about.
(Ted gets up and grabs a bottle of champagne and two glasses and comes back over to Victoria and grabs her hand and leads her out of the reception area)
Victoria: Wait wait wait wait wait.
(Ted and Victoria slow down and stop by the cake table)
Victoria: Let's do all the single ladies in this joint a big favor and steal the bouquet.
Ted: Yes, but we'll need a diversion.
(Ted grabs utensil from table and starts clinking his glass with it)
Ted: Kiss.
(Other people at wedding start clinking their glasses and chanting "kiss, kiss...", Victoria grabs bouquet and she and Ted rush out of reception)
Ted: Go. Go, go, go
(back to present scene)
Lily: So, that's what happened to the bouquet. You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition.
Ted: You're not gonna do it at your wedding?
Lily: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, crawl for it, bitches. It's just what girls do.
Marshall: So, where did you guys go?
(flashback to Ted playing piano and Victoria tap-dancing)
Ted: Very nice.
Victoria: Yeah?
(Victoria sits down on piano bench next to Ted)
Victoria: OK, I don't really know how to tap-dance.
Ted: I couldn't really tell.
(Ted and Victoria laugh)
Ted: Well, it's too bad you're not gonna get some tonight.
Victoria: Oh, if I wanted some, I could get some.
Ted: No you couldn't.
Victoria: You're a dude. I could totally...
Ted: Totally get some.
(Ted and Victoria look at each other, Ted starts to lean in towards Victoria)
Victoria: We're not gonna kiss tonight.
(Ted pounds keys on piano)
Victoria: If we kiss, all of this becomes real. You, you might use too much tongue, or not use enough and then suddenly, poof, spell's broken.
Ted: I will use exactly the right amount of tongue.
Victoria: OK, how about this? The best part of any first-kiss is the lead-up to it, the moment right before the lips touch. It's like a big drumroll. So, how about, tonight, we just stick with the drumroll.
Ted: OK.
Victoria: But we can't kiss.
Ted: OK.
(Victoria and Ted lean in to each other as if to kiss and pull away)
(back to present scene)
Marshall: A drumroll? That's it. So, what, you just said good-night, came home, and performed a drum solo?
Lily: Oh, Ted, you're such a doof. I mean, this girl sounds amazing.
Ted: She was completely amazing. She was amazing and funny and we connected on every level. And, I'm never gonna see her again.
(Ted gets up and walks towards kitchen, turns back suddenly toward Lily and Marshall)
Ted: Dammit, I have to see her again.
Lily, Marshall: Yes.
Marshall: So, let's get to work, man. What else do you know about her?
Ted: Nothing. Her name's Victoria, that's all I got. Wait, Claudia, Claudia would know.
Lily: Well, Claudia's on her honeymoon. She'll be back in two weeks. Call her then.
Ted: Yes, two weeks, good idea. I'm calling her now.
(Ted starts dialing his cell phone)
Lily: No, Ted, you don't mess with a honeymoon.
Marshall: Yeah, come on, dude. Ask her about the cake.
INT. AIRPORT
(Claudia and Stuart are in line to board, Claudia's phone rings, she answers it)
Claudia: Ted?
(Ted on phone in his apartment) Ted: Hey, Claudia, great wedding, beautiful toast, touching stuff. How's the honeymoon? Listen, I'm calling because last night I met this girl and I was wondering if you had...
(Claudia on phone)
Claudia: Oh, you have got to be freakin kidding me.
Stuart: Oh, here we go.
Claudia: 24 hours ago, you were begging, begging me to bring some other girl to my wedding, and now, what, you're over her?
(Ted on phone)
Ted: I've moved on.
(Claudia on phone)
Claudia: What was her name? Was it my fat cousin, Lindsay? Don't be embarrassed. She has pretty eyes.
(Ted on phone)
Ted: Uh, no, her name was Victoria, I don't know her last name.
(Claudia on phone)
Claudia: Well, lucky for you, I know that guest list backwards and forwards.
(Ted on phone)
Ted: Thank God.
(Claudia on phone)
Claudia: Unlucky for you, there was no Victoria at my wedding. Good-bye, Ted.
(Claudia hangs up)
INT. APARTMENT
(Ted puts phone down from his ear)
Ted: There was no Victoria at the wedding.
Lily: Maybe she used a second fake name. Oh, she's good, she's very good.
Marshall: Maybe she was a ghost. That's why she didn't wanna kiss you, because you'd just pass right through her and feel really cold for a second. Oh my God, I just had a great idea for a screenplay.
Ted: Marshall. She was not a ghost.
Marshall: I know that she wasn't a ghost, she picked up a bouquet, proving she had corporeal form.
Ted: Wait, wait, wait, she was sitting across from a couple of bridesmaids. She must have been at their table. Maybe they know who she was?
Lily: Great. How do we get in touch with the bridesmaids?
(Ted dials his phone)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MASSAGE PARLOR
(Barney lying down getting massage, masseuse is standing on Barney's back, Barney's phone vibrates, he answers)
Barney: This better be good, I'm about to enter nirvana. By the way, I should give you Nirvana's phone number, she gives a great massage. Say what?
Nirvana: Barney.
(Nirvana kicks Barney)
Barney: Ow. I know the house rules. Es un chiste.
(Ted on phone)
Ted: Uh, listen, Barney, I saw you talking to that bridesmaid last night. Did you happen to get her phone number?
(Barney on phone)
Barney: You know I did.
(Ted on phone)
Ted: Great. I'm gonna need you to call her for me.
(Barney on phone)
Barney: You know I won't.
(Ted on phone)
Ted: Why not?
INT. MACLAREN'S
(Ted, Barney, Marshall, and Lily sit at booth)
Barney: Because we just hooked up last night. I can't call the girl the next day. I have to wait at least, like, forever. Oh snap. Never gonna call her. Besides, she thinks I'm on my way to India.
Lily: Oh, come on, Barney. It's for a good cause.
Barney: Ted going all castrati over another girl is exactly not a good cause. Sorry, buddy, I wish I could help you, my hands are tied. Oh no, wait, that was last night.
(Barney makes whip sound)
Ted: OK, Barney, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. You make this call and I will go with you to Foxy Boxing.
Barney: Really? Ted: Yeah.
Barney: But you always said that Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy nor good at boxing.
Ted: I'm ready to be proven wrong.
Barney: Tonight? Ted: Tonight. Dial.
Barney: (on phone) Yeah, Tanya, turns out I don't leave for the Peace Corps until tomorrow. Yeah, I know, sucks. Just one fewer day I get to help people. Anyway, this girl, any idea who she was? Hold on.
Barney: (to Ted) What kind of shoes...
Barney: (on phone) Tanya, he's a dude. He's not gonna know what kind of shoes she was wearing.
Ted: Actually.
Barney: Oh come on.
(flashback to Ted walking out of piano room)
Victoria: Hey.
(Victoria throws bouquet to Ted, Victoria walks up to Ted)
Ted: So, what do you want to do next?
Victoria: Uh...
Ted: Don't think...first thing that comes into your mind.
Victoria: Hold this.
(Victoria takes off her shoes and hands them to Ted, Victoria does a cartwheel)
Ted: Whoa. There she goes.
(back to present scene)
Barney: (on phone) Apparently she was wearing brown shoes with little snowflakes on them.
Yeah, they do sound cute. Any idea who...? OK, well thanks anyway. Yeah, you take... Tonight? Well, I'm shipping out pretty early so I won't be able to stay over, but, yeah, sure, I'd love to. OK, I'll talk to you later.
(Barney hangs up phone)
Barney: Sorry, Ted, I won't be able to make foxy boxing tonight.
Ted: I understand.
Lily: OK, let's not lose hope. We'll call the hotel, maybe she was staying there. We'll have them check the registry for anyone named Victoria. Or maybe she goes by Vicky or Tori...
Marshall: Or Ictor. Probably doesn't go by Ictor.
Ted: No, you know what? This is fate. I am never supposed to see this girl again. That was the whole point of the night. I've just been saved from myself. Let's drink many beers.
Marshall: Agreed.
(Marshall and Ted clink beer glasses)
Future Ted VO: And I thought that was the end of it, but then...
INT. APARTMENT
(Lily sits on couch reading magazine, knock at door, Lily gets up and opens door, Robin comes in)
Lily: Hey, there's the anchor lady! How was it?
Robin: Oh, I don't know. Why don't you ask the new substitute weekend anchor. Robin? Thanks, Robin, it was awesome. Back to you, Robin.
Lily: Congrats, that's so cool.
(Lily and Robin hug, then sit down on couch)
Robin: Yeah, I felt really bad bailing on Ted though.
Lily: Oh, don't even worry about it. In fact...
(flashbacks of Ted and Victoria running out of reception with bouquet, Victoria sitting next to Ted on piano bench, Victoria doing her cartwheel)
Future Ted VO: And then Lily told her the whole story, right down to the brown shoes with the little snowflakes on them, and by the end of it...
(back to present scene, Robin sits there with her mouth agape)
Lily: What?
Robin: I know who she is.
Lily: You know who she is? But, you weren't even at the wedding.
Robin: Actually, I kind of was.
Lily: What?
Robin: Well, after the newscast, I was so excited, I decided to surprise Ted by going to the reception.
(flashback to Robin walking in hallway of reception in her red dress, she stops at doorway of piano room and sees Ted and Victoria lean in as if to kiss each other, Robin walks away and walks into bathroom, Robin goes into stall and sits down and starts to cry)
Robin: Dammit. Stop it. What the hell?
Victoria: Hello? You OK in there?
Robin: Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Just allergies or something. I'm fine.
Victoria: Listen, do you wanna come and cry out here? I've been told I'm an excellent hugger.
Robin: Oh, thanks, but I don't actually cry in front of people, or cry at all for that matter. Man, it's gross. Does everyone snot up this much when they cry?
Victoria: Hey, you're speaking to a fellow snotter. So, why are you crying?
(back to present scene)
Lily: Because you have feelings for Ted.
Robin: I don't know, maybe.
Lily: OK, what is wrong with the two of you?! Seriously. He likes you and you like him, just, just, just be together. Geez, Louise, happiness is not that difficult.
Robin: Oh, look, OK. Yes, I cried in the bathroom, and that was weird. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with the guy. The fact is I don't know how I feel.
Lily: Yes you do. Seeing him with someone else and crying about it. Guess what? That's how you feel. That is nothing but how you feel.
Robin: OK, fine, I have feelings for him. Happy? Lily: Kinda, yeah.
Robin: But it doesn't change anything. I still don't wanna get married and he's still... Ted. What I should do is just tell him who Victoria is so he could be happy.
Lily: Or you could tell him you're into him and then you could both be happy.
Robin: I'm gonna go find him.
(Robin walks towards the front door)
Lily: Well, wait. Which one are you gonna tell him?
Robin: I have no idea.
INT. MACLAREN'S
(Marshall, Ted and Barney sit at booth)
Barney: And here's the most amazing part. Because I told her I converted all my money to India dollars, she gave me fifty bucks to take a cab to the airport. That's right, I just got paid for s*x.
(Barney takes a 50-dollar bill out of his pocket)
Barney: I really should give this money to the Peace Corps. They've done so much for me lately.
(Robin walks up to booth)
Robin: Hi, guys,
Ted: Hey.
Robin: Um, Ted, can I talk to you outside for a second?
Ted: Sure. What's up?
(Ted gets up, Ted's phone rings)
Robin: Uh, I, I have to tell you something.
Ted: Oh.
Robin: Oh, just get it.
(Ted answers his phone)
Ted: Hello.
(Stuart sitting in airport on phone with Ted)
Stuart: Ted, it's Stuart. My lovely bride would like to say something to you.
(Stuart passes phone to Claudia)
Claudia: Ted. I'm sorry I hung up on you earlier. My new husband and a vodka cranberry which cost $10.50 at the freakin' airport bar. When is this plane going to board?!
Stuart: Sweet pea.
Claudia: Have helped me realize that sometimes I can act like a crazy person. And I don't want my new husband to think I'm a crazy person.
(Ted on phone)
Ted: It's fine, Claudia. Don't worry about it.
(Marshall whispers to Ted about cake and makes cake-eating motions)
Ted: Oh, um, Marshall wanted to know where you guys got that cake.
(Claudia on phone)
Claudia: Cake.
(Robin looks at Ted) (flashback to Victoria passing bouquet to Robin under bathroom stall door)
Victoria: Why don't you take this? Sounds like you could use it.
Robin: Thanks. You're very sweet. So, are you a friend of the bride or groom?
(back to present scene of Claudia on phone)
Claudia: We got it at this little bakery downtown.
(flashback to Victoria and Robin talking in bathroom)
Victoria: Actually, neither.
(back to present scene of Claudia on phone)
Claudia: It's called the Buttercup Bakery.
(flashback to Ted and Victoria sitting at reception)
Pleased to meet you, Buttercup.
(flashback to Victoria talking to Robin in bathroom)
Victoria: I made the cake.
(back to present scene)
(Ted hangs up phone)
Ted: She made the cake.
(back from commercial break)
Ted: Buttercup Bakery. She wasn't on the guest list because she wasn't a guest. She made the cake.
Marshall: She made that cake. Ted, this is the girl. You gotta marry her, today. She has to move in with us.
Ted: I'm going down to that bakery.
Lily: No, no, don't do it.
Marshall: Baby, what are you talking about?!
Ted: Yeah, all day long, you've been busting my apple bag about finding this girl.
Lily: Well, I just think that maybe she's not that into you and that's why she didn't give you her number. Robin, care to chime in with anything? Robin: Yes. Ted. Go get her.
Ted: Going. Getting.
(Ted turns to leave, Barney gets up also)
Barney: Ted, oh my gosh, I love this moment. You know why? Because I'm gonna say it and this time you're actually gonna say yes. You ready? You ready to say yes? Ted, suit up!
Ted: Yes! No.
Barney: Oh come on!
(flashback to Ted and Victoria returning to reception hall to find everyone has left)
Ted: Whoa. Guess we were gone a while.
Victoria: Well, that's too bad. I was looking forward to one last dance.
(Ted sees little boom box on table and turns it on, Ted and Victoria begin to dance)
Ted: Why yes I am. Sorry, I could tell what you were just thinking.
Victoria: Wow, what was I thinking?
Ted: Damn, he's looking mighty fine in that tux.
Victoria: You got me, you are good.
Ted: You know, I don't look like this every day. On a real weekend, the real Ted wears a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt with bleach stains on it.
Victoria: The real Ted sounds real sexy. It's too bad I'll never get to see it.
(back to present scene)
INT. CAB
(Ted sitting up front in sweatshirt, Barney, Lily and Marshall sit in back of cab)
Lily: Buttercup Bakery. This is it.
Marshall: Good luck, dude. Grab me a cupcake.
Barney: Ted, you still with us?
(flashback to Ted and Victoria dancing, they lean in to kiss but pull away)
Ted: Tell me your last name.
(Victoria shakes her head)
Ted: You know, there's one little flaw in our plan.
Victoria: What's that?
Ted: I'm gonna go home tonight with a lot of great memories and one really sucky memory: the memory of you walking out that door.
(Victoria pulls away from Ted)
Victoria: Hey, Ted.
Ted: Yeah?
Victoria: Close your eyes, and count to five.
(Ted closes his eyes)
Ted: One, two, three, four, five.
(Ted opens his eyes to find Victoria gone)
(back to present scene)
Ted: And to our dying day, we will remember everything about that night as perfect. Maybe we both need that. So many things go wrong in life, but this is the one thing that never will. It'll always, always be pure, unadulterated awesome. If I walk in there, I'm robbing both of us of what could be...
Barney: The meter's running, dude. Crap or get off the pot.
Ted: OK.
(Ted gets out of cab)
INT. BUTTERCUP BAKERY
(Ted stands outside bakery looking in to see Victoria icing a cupcake, Ted enters bakery, bell on door tinkles, Victoria turns her head to see Ted standing there)
Victoria: Oh thank God.
(Victoria rushes towards Ted and they kiss) | Plan: A: a mysterious woman; Q: Who does Ted find himself attracted to? A: the wedding; Q: Where did Ted meet the mysterious woman? A: the help; Q: What does Ted enlist from Barney to find the woman? A: Robin; Q: Who reveals that she saw Ted and the mysterious woman together the night before? A: work; Q: What did Robin leave early to do the night before? A: the mysterious girl; Q: Who did Robin see Ted with the night before? A: the previous night; Q: When did Robin see Ted and the mysterious woman together? Summary: Ted finds himself attracted to a mysterious woman whom he meets at the wedding. Unable to find her the next morning, Ted enlists the help of Barney in an effort to track her down. Meanwhile, Robin reveals that she left work early and saw Ted and the mysterious girl together the previous night, and has to confront her own feelings for Ted. |
FURY FROM THE DEEP
by VICTOR PEMBERTON
first broadcast - 13th April 1968 running time - 23mins 50secs
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. PIPELINE ROOM
(The transparent section of the huge pipeline tube is crawling with clumps of pulsating seaweed, all wriggling in a mass of oozing white foam...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. CONTROL CONE
(The DOCTOR points up to the illuminated panel at the top of the Cone. The indicator light is no longer operating for the Control Rig, and only three lights remain: Rigs B, E, and F.)
DOCTOR: With the Control Rig gone we can draw only one conclusion. The weed is trying to take over all the rigs and form one vast colony.
MEGAN JONES: With what objective?
DOCTOR: The saturation of the British Isles and perhaps in time the entire planet.
HARRIS: Is such a thing possible?
DOCTOR: Well, yes. Unless we can find the nerve centre and destroy it.
(HARRIS and MEGAN exchanges a puzzled glance.)
MEGAN JONES: But how can we possibly do that? It could be anywhere out there in the North Sea.
DOCTOR: Yes, that is the difficulty.
(JAMIE and VICTORIA spot the DOCTOR from the door of the Impeller Area.)
JAMIE: Doctor!
DOCTOR: What is it?
JAMIE: Doctor! The pipeline, quick!
VICTORIA: (Practically screeching.) Quickly! Quickly!
(They all run into the Pipeline Room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. PIPELINE ROOM
(The transparent section of the pipeline tube is, by now, jammed solid with the mass of foam and clumps.)
DOCTOR: What's happened?
JAMIE: Here! Come up!
(They all stare at the foam in the pipeline.)
MEGAN JONES: What is heaven's name is that?
DOCTOR: (Grim.) The advanced guard.
MEGAN JONES: I don't understand. What's happening?
DOCTOR: The first part of the invasion.
(The DOCTOR moves forward to examine the pipeline.)
VICTORIA: Doctor, don't go near!
DOCTOR: It's begun. The battle of the giants!
(The heartbeat is almost deafening and, in the middle of it all, the weed tendrils grope uncontrollably at the transparent walls. The weed wants out and is determined to find a way...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. CONTROL CONE
(PRICE is trying to call up any of the rigs on the communicator.)
PRICE: Feed HQ calling Rig F. Feed HQ calling Rig F, can you hear me? Come in please.
(He notices HARRIS walking by the communicator.)
PRICE: Oh Mr Harris. I can't raise any of the rigs. Not one!
HARRIS: This is unbelievable!
PRICE: I'll try again, sir. (Into communicator.) Feed HQ calling Rig B. Feed HQ calling Rig B, can you hear me?
(There is no reply. PRICE looks about in desperation.)
MEGAN: (To PRICE.) Well keep trying man!
DOCTOR: You're wasting your time, Miss Jones. By now all those rigs will have been taken over by the weed colony.
HARRIS: I don't care about the rigs. What's happened to the crews?
DOCTOR: The worst, I'm afraid.
HARRIS: Then we've got to destroy the rigs.
MEGAN: No!
DOCTOR: No, we daren't do that.
HARRIS: Why not?
DOCTOR: Well that would spread this menace over a wide area and make it impossible to attack it.
HARRIS: Well what are we going to do?
DOCTOR: No, what is the weed going to do?
MEGAN: What can it do?
DOCTOR: Well, let's think. Now I imagine that in the first place the weed was drawn up by one of the drilling rigs.
HARRIS: No, no, anything that comes up through the bores would be cleared by the engineers at the source, otherwise it would block the pumps.
DOCTOR: Precisely. And the engineers who cleared it much have touched it, yes?
HARRIS: Yes, so they must have been amongst the first to be controlled.
DOCTOR: You see then, this attack, and it is an attack, follows a set pattern.
MEGAN: How do you mean?
DOCTOR: Top priority people have been attacked first.
MEGAN: If your theory is correct, the weed now controls two people who know the entire layout and structure of this whole compound.
DOCTOR: Yes, I'm very much afraid that is true.
MEGAN: Robson was here not long ago. We must find him and prevent them using him, for his own sake as well as ours.
HARRIS: Yes I agree. Price.
PRICE: Sir.
HARRIS: Get security to search the entire Compound. I want Mr Robson found and put under armed guard in his cabin.
PRICE: Very good, sir.
HARRIS: Doctor! There's one thing that doesn't fit in with your theory.
DOCTOR: Oh, and what's that?
HARRIS: When Victoria was locked in the Oxygen Room. Now she's nothing to do with the personnel here.
DOCTOR: Yes, that's something that's being puzzling me too. But she disturbed somebody who was interfering with the oxygen supplies.
HARRIS: Someone wearing a gas mask.
DOCTOR: Now supposing that person was under the control of the weed. He was wearing a gas mask for one reason only.
HARRIS: Because to him pure oxygen would be toxic.
DOCTOR: Exactly, Mr Harris.
(Among a group of engineers listening nearby is OAK and QUILL, who exchanged a pointed glance with each other. Without saying a word, both slipped out of the room unnoticed.)
HARRIS: Well then we can use the oxygen as a weapon against the weed!
DOCTOR: Well it's... it's only a theory at the moment.
MEGAN: Well as Mr Harris said before, you've been right so far. There's no reason why you shouldn't be now.
DOCTOR: (Beaming.) Oh, how nice to be trusted. But I only hope I am right.
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. OXYGEN ROOM
(OAK and QUILL enter the OXYGEN STORE ROOM. They put their white gloves and masks on and one by one they open the release taps on the oxygen cylinders. The room soon fills with the sound of hissing gas...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. CONTROL CONE
(PRICE is talking to a guard on the communicator.)
PRICE: Good, see that he stays there.
(He switches off the communicator and turns to HARRIS.)
PRICE: Mr Harris.
HARRIS: Yes?
PRICE: They've found Mr Robson.
HARRIS: Good. Where?
PRICE: In his cabin, lying on his bunk apparently.
HARRIS: Oh well, that's a relief.
PRICE: There's a guard at the door, sir.
HARRIS: Good.
(Hearing this, MEGAN walks over to HARRIS.)
MEGAN: Mr Harris. I want to see Mr Robson.
HARRIS: Robson? But he's ill, he won't be able to put two...
MEGAN: I want to see him.
HARRIS: But you've seen him already. Surely you could see that he was in no fit state to help us in anyway.
MEGAN: I fully realise that, Mr Harris, but we're old friends, he might talk to me. There's just a possibility that he may know something that could help us.
HARRIS: I see. All right, but I'm coming with you. Robson's in an unpredictable state at the moment, he could be violent.
MEGAN: All right, you come too Perkins.
PERKINS: Yes, Miss Jones.
(They both leave the room. HARRIS stops by PRICE before following them.)
HARRIS: Oh, if anything happens, Price, anything at all, I'll be with Miss Jones in Mr Robson's cabin.
PRICE: Very good, sir.
HARRIS: Chief.
(The CHIEF ENGINEER joins them.)
CHIEF ENGINEER: I'm right with you, sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. CORRIDOR
PERKINS: Look, why don't you get the Minister to call up the National Defences?
MEGAN: What exactly do you suppose the armed forces could do?
PERKINS: Well attack this weed, or whatever it is.
MEGAN: How? If we attack the rig, what about the men out there?
PERKINS: But we don't know that they are there.
MEGAN: Equally, we don't know that they aren't. They could be prisoners, anything. Anyway, even if we blow the rigs out of the sea, there's no guarantee it will end this nightmare. It might well spread the menace, as the Doctor suggested.
HARRIS: This way please, Miss Jones.
MEGAN: Right!
(They start to move down the corridor and MEGAN notices PERKINS's worried look.)
MEGAN: And come along, Perkins. Don't look so worried, man, you might as well go home.
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. OUTSIDE ROBSON'S CABIN
(There is a guard outside the cabin door. HARRIS stops MEGAN just before the door.)
MEGAN: If you please, Harris.
HARRIS: Miss Jones, I'd rather you let me or Perkins come in with you.
MEGAN: No! Now don't fuss, Harris, I'll be perfectly all right.
(Giving up, HARRIS lets go of the door handle, and MEGAN enters the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. ROBSON'S CABIN
(ROBSON is lying on his bunk, eyes staring aimlessly at the ceiling. His face is white, gaunt, and lined, and his hair is now streaked with white.)
MEGAN: Robson. Robson! John. John. It's all right John, it's me, Megan, Megan Jones.
(ROBSON's head turns to face her. It is covered with sweat, as if he were fighting a mental battle.)
ROBSON: (Lifelessly.) Megan.
MEGAN: I want to try to help you.
(ROBSON speaks in a bewildered voice.)
ROBSON: Can't help. No one can help.
MEGAN: John, can you tell us what happened?
ROBSON: No.
MEGAN: John, listen to me. We can't help you unless you help us.
ROBSON: Can't help, no one... can help.
MEGAN: Yes we can, John, if you let us. Now whatever it is that's affecting you, you've got to fight it!
ROBSON: Can't fight.
MEGAN: You've got to fight it, John!
ROBSON: Can't fight it.
(MEGAN grabs ROBSON by the shoulders and shakes him - hard.)
MEGAN: Now come on, Robson! Robson! Now listen to me. I'm director of the board. I put you in charge of this area and I can just as easily send you back to the rigs. Do you understand me, Robson? Now pull yourself together, man!
ROBSON: Megan.
MEGAN: Pull yourself together!
ROBSON: Megan... Megan... help me.. help... Help me, Megan!
MEGAN: John.
ROBSON: Help!
MEGAN: It's all right, John.
(HARRIS and PERKINS burst into the room.)
HARRIS: Miss Jones!
MEGAN: John, can you hear me? Can you hear me?
(ROBSON just stares into space. MEGAN turns to HARRIS.)
MEGAN: It's as if he was in a trance, hypnotised. I thought for a minute he was rational.
HARRIS: I think we'd better let him rest.
(With a last look at ROBSON, MEGAN leaves the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. OUTSIDE ROBSON'S CABIN
(The guard snaps to attention as the three leave ROBSON's cabin.)
MEGAN: Harris, is there nothing we can do to help him?
HARRIS: No, the Doctor couldn't help my... my wife... so I'm sure there is nothing he can...
MEGAN: No. No, of course not. As far as I can see the only thing to do is to destroy this weed. Come on.
(She marches back toward the Control Cone. PERKINS and HARRIS exchange a surprised look before following her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. CONTROL CONE
(The DOCTOR is sitting on some steps looking anxious as he thinks about the problem. JAMIE and VICTORIA are watching him.)
JAMIE: He does look worried this time. It's beginning to give me the willies.
VICTORIA: Yes. I wish we could go back to the TARDIS. Leave all this trouble behind.
JAMIE: We couldn't do that. You know the Doctor would never leave these people. Not while there's...
VICTORIA: (Irritably.) Oh I know, I know!
JAMIE: Oh, Victoria, you're not going to start again, are you? Look, the Doctor's got enough trouble as it is. So let him just sit and work it out. Anyway, he says there's an obvious answer to this seaweed stuff.
VICTORIA: Is there? What do you mean?
JAMIE: A way of fighting it.
VICTORIA: If it's that obvious he would have thought of it by now.
JAMIE: Aye.
(MEGAN and the others enter the room. MEGAN marches straight up to the DOCTOR.)
MEGAN: Well Doctor, have you thought of a way in which we can attack this weed?
(The DOCTOR, deep in thought, does not respond.)
MEGAN: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Oh, Miss Jones. No, I'm afraid I haven't.
MEGAN: Well have you any idea what it might do next?
DOCTOR: Well I think it has little alternative, but to attack us here.
HARRIS: Here!
PERKINS: But why?
DOCTOR: 'Cause this is the gas distribution centre. It will want to gain control of it! We must find a way of attacking its nerve centre before it does.
PERKINS: But where is the nerve centre?
DOCTOR: That's the trouble, we don't know.
HARRIS: And we're not sure yet quite how to destroy it, are we?
DOCTOR: No, but there... there is something at the back of my mind.
PERKINS: Well what about the oxygen?
DOCTOR: Yes, that is a possibility.
MEGAN: Then we must put the oxygen supply room under guard.
DOCTOR: Right!
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. ROBSON'S CABIN
(ROBSON is asleep, his eyes closed. Suddenly the heartbeat of the Weed Creature starts. ROBSON's eyes open and he focuses on the ventilator grill in his room.)
ROBSON: Yes. Yes.
(It appears that ROBSON is receiving instructions.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. OUTSIDE ROBSON'S CABIN
(The Guard is waiting for an attack but is completely unprepared for the one from ROBSON who breathes on him with toxic air... The guard collapses and ROBSON runs off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. CONTROL CONE
(HARRIS is being told of the damage done by OAK and QUILL.)
HARRIS: The whole of the oxygen store?
PRICE: Yes, sir, and there are no reserves left at all.
HARRIS: They seem to be one step ahead of us all the time
DOCTOR: Yes, I was right. Someone amongst us here is under the control of the weed.
HARRIS: You mean apart from Robson and Van Lutyens.
DOCTOR: Yes, I'm afraid so.
HARRIS: How will we find out who they are?
DOCTOR: Don't know, that's the difficulty.
(Everybody looks at each other in surprise and suspicion. VICTORIA's eyes fall on two engineers - OAK and QUILL.)
HARRIS: Well, we must have a personnel check. Now there's a fingerprint file in security.
DOCTOR: Yes.
HARRIS: Doctor, I shall need your help.
DOCTOR: Yes.
(VICTORIA alerts JAMIE to the two engineers. However they are just going out the door and JAMIE and VICTORIA rush after them.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
15. CORRIDOR
(OAK and QUILL hurry down the corridor, but find it difficult to move their legs while under the Weed's control. This gives JAMIE and VICTORIA time to catch up...)
JAMIE: Hey you two, just a moment! Stop!
(The two engineers turn into another corridor.)
JAMIE: Hey, come back. You wont get away from me!
VICTORIA: Careful!
(JAMIE throws himself on QUILL, who tries to breathe the toxic air into JAMIE's face... VICTORIA screams, and QUILL's strength seems to fade away. A quick punch from JAMIE puts the engineer on the floor. OAK manages to escape as the DOCTOR and the others arrive. Two guards grabs QUILL.)
JAMIE: Didn't know what hit him, did he?
DOCTOR: Yes Jamie, I'm... I'm sure you're right.
JAMIE: There's a wee bit of power left in the old McCrimmon punch yet.
DOCTOR: (Examining QUILL.) I'm sorry to disillusion you, Jamie, but... I don't think it was the punch that did it.
(The CHIEF ENGINEER rushes into the room.)
CHIEF ENGINEER: Mr Harris!
HARRIS: What is it?
CHIEF ENGINEER: I think you better come, sir. Quickly!
(The guards drag a dazed QUILL away as the others rush back to the Pipeline Room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16. CONTROL CONE
(MEGAN and PERKINS notice the rush towards the Pipeline Room. MEGAN calls HARRIS over.)
MEGAN: What's the trouble?
HARRIS: The pipeline room.
MEGAN: But it's incredible
PERKINS: Why can't we do something?
MEGAN: We have to trust this strange Doctor. He's the only one who seems to be able to anticipate events.
PERKINS: Don't you think that in itself is suspect?
MEGAN: He's our only hope. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
17. PIPELINE ROOM
(The pipeline is totally filled with the foam and weed. The alien heartbeat is almost deafening.)
JAMIE: What's happened to it, Doctor?
DOCTOR: It's beginning to expand, like it did in the TARDIS.
JAMIE: Is there no way of stopping it?
DOCTOR: No. I should have thought of this.
(Afraid, VICTORIA holds back at the doorway. Suddenly a weed-covered hand is placed over her mouth and she is dragged away without a sound...)
MEGAN: But you mean this horrible stuff's growing all the time?
DOCTOR: I'm very much afraid so!
PRICE: Mr Harris, sir. Mr Harris. Mr Robson's broken out of his cabin. He's attacked the guard!
JAMIE: Doctor, look at that!
(JAMIE points in horror at the pipeline tube. The transparent section fractures with a loud crack, right down the middle. The foam explodes out of the crack and lands on some engineers nearby. The Weed creature starts to follow.)
DOCTOR: Right, Jamie, back. Back, everyone back. Come along.
(The room clears quickly. However MEGAN is transfixed, staring at the creature in horror.)
DOCTOR: Miss Jones, I think it's time you went. Come along.
(The DOCTOR shoves the Chairperson out of the room. Only JAMIE and himself remain.)
JAMIE: Where's Victoria?
DOCTOR: She was here.
VOICE: (From speakers.) RED EMERGENCY ALERT! RED EMERGENCY ALERT!
JAMIE: But, where is she?
DOCTOR: I don't know! She was standing right beside you.
JAMIE: I thought she was with you!
DOCTOR: No!
[SCENE_BREAK]
18. IMPELLER ROOM
(The DOCTOR and JAMIE continue their search for VICTORIA. Turning to leave, they notice that the doors are closed...)
JAMIE: Hey!
DOCTOR: The doors!
(They started to bang on the doors.)
DOCTOR: Open these doors! Open these doors!
(They notice some other doors...)
DOCTOR: Let's try here, Jamie!
(...as they move towards the doors they close in their faces.)
JAMIE: They've closed too.
(The DOCTOR spots some more doors...)
DOCTOR: They're not, come along!
(The DOCTOR runs through the doors as they start to close. He tries to stop them from closing before JAMIE can come through.)
DOCTOR: Jamie, I... the doors, they're heavy. I can't hold them! Jamie, hurry! Jamie! Jamie, come on! This way, in here. Hurry up, I can't hold them!
(JAMIE throws himself through the doors. As they close the area behind them fills with lethal gas...)
JAMIE: Now what do we do?
DOCTOR: We must look for Victoria. You go that way, I'll go this.
JAMIE: All right.
[SCENE_BREAK]
19. ENTRANCE TO BASE
(ROBSON drops an unconscious VICTORIA from his shoulder into the passenger seat of a little two-seater car. He gets into the drivers seat and drives off at great speed...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20. CONTROL CONE
(The Control Cone is filled with people to-ing and fro-ing, alarm klaxon horns in the background.)
HARRIS: Seal off the pipeline room, completely! Close the pipeline - in and out! Well come on, man, don't just stand there!
(He turns to some guards.)
HARRIS: Guards! You must find Mr Robson. Search everywhere.
[SCENE_BREAK]
21. CLIFFTOP
(The car comes to a halt. ROBSON gets out, drags VICTORIA from her seat, and throws her across his shoulder. He turns and almost runs to a waiting helicopter. He starts the machine and takes off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22. CONTROL CONE
PRICE: Mr Harris!
HARRIS: What is it?
PRICE: Mr Robson has just taken off.
[SCENE_BREAK]
23. HELICOPTER
(VICTORIA is still unconscious. ROBSON moves the controls with his weed-covered hands...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24. CONTROL CONE
(JAMIE and the DOCTOR come back into the Control Cone.)
JAMIE: Hey, have you seen Victoria?
HARRIS: No I haven't.
(JAMIE turns a worried face to DOCTOR.)
JAMIE: Look, haven't you found her yet?
DOCTOR: No, I was hoping you had.
JAMIE: But she was standing right beside us...
DOCTOR: No, no, no...
(While JAMIE looks totally crushed, HARRIS receives some news.)
HARRIS: Doctor, it's Robson. He's trying to get away in one of the company helicopters.
JAMIE: What?
HARRIS: I'm afraid he's got your young girl with him.
DOCTOR: Oh no. Oh no. Can I speak to him from here?
HARRIS: Yes. Price, switch to RT.
PRICE: Yes, sir.
(PRICE switches on the RT and a picture appears on one of the communicator screens. The DOCTOR turns to PRICE to confirm that he will be speaking to the right screen.)
DOCTOR: This one?
PRICE: Yes.
DOCTOR: (To the screen.) Robson. Robson. Robson, listen to me. Can you hear me?
[SCENE_BREAK]
25. HELICOPTER
(The DOCTOR's voice comes over the RT into the helicopter.)
DOCTOR: (OOV.) Robson. Come back, man, come back. Robson, don't you realise what they're trying to do to you? They're trying to control you!
ROBSON: Now listen to me.
DOCTOR: (OOV.) Robson. Robson.
ROBSON: Listen! Listen!
[SCENE_BREAK]
26. CONTROL CONE
ROBSON: (OOV.) I have the girl. She is my prisoner. She is my hostage. Do you understand? If you want her to live, come over to us. Come over to us.
(The screen goes blank.)
DOCTOR: Robson. Robson!
PRICE: He's switched off, sir.
MEGAN: What did he mean come over to us?
DOCTOR: Well he meant exactly what he said!
HARRIS: You mean they want you?
DOCTOR: Yes, they must think I'm a serious menace.
HARRIS: But you won't go, surely?
DOCTOR: But of course.
MEGAN: But we need you here, you're our only hope.
JAMIE: Doctor, we can't let him take Victoria! Now we've got to do something to stop him!
MEGAN: You can't go with that man, you can see he's not responsible.
DOCTOR: Jamie's right, we've got to go after him.
HARRIS: Yes, you can use the company helicopter.
MEGAN: Harris! If we let this man go now, what hope have we got?
DOCTOR: Miss Jones, I have a feeling that Mr Robson is going to lead us to the nerve centre of the colony.
HARRIS: Price, tell the helicopter crew to stand by. Doctor, come with me. I'll get you some transport.
[SCENE_BREAK]
27. CONTROL RIG COMPLEX
(ROBSON's helicopter approaches the Complex. VICTORIA is starting to come to...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28. CONTROL CONE
(It is a little later. HARRIS is talking to PRICE through the Communicator.)
HARRIS: Good! Thank you, Price. Tell them not to lose touch. Oh, and Price, the Doctor and the boy, are they airborne yet?
PRICE: (OOV.) No, sir, they're just approaching the air field.
[SCENE_BREAK]
29. CLIFFTOP
(The other helicopter, this time with a pilot, takes off with the DOCTOR and JAMIE in the back.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
30. CONTROL CONE
(HARRIS rush back into the Control Cone.)
PRICE: Mr Harris, sir. Mr Harris, the Doctor's airborne.
HARRIS: Good! (Into the microphone.) Doctor, can you see Robson.
DOCTOR: (OOV.) No, can't see anything here.
HARRIS: All right, listen carefully. We managed to track him on the Radar scope. He just landed on the control rig complex.
[SCENE_BREAK]
31. DOCTOR'S HELICOPTER
(The DOCTOR and JAMIE are wrapped up warm in their anoraks.)
DOCTOR: The control rig complex.
[SCENE_BREAK]
32. CONTROL CONE
HARRIS: What? Say again.
DOCTOR: (OOV.) We are proceeding there now.
(He turns to MEGAN and PERKINS who stand there with a worried look on their faces.)
MEGAN: What chance have they got?
HARRIS: Your guess is as good as mine.
MEGAN: What do we do now?
HARRIS: We sit and wait.
MEGAN: But we can't...
HARRIS: If the Doctor hasn't done something within an hour, I'm evacuating the compound.
MEGAN: No...
HARRIS: And that's final, Miss Jones!
(The Chairperson looks outraged but says nothing more.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
33. DOCTOR'S HELICOPTER
(The two men are approaching the Complex.)
DOCTOR: (Pointing.) Jamie, there's the control rig complex.
JAMIE: Hey Doctor, one of those towers is all covered in white.
DOCTOR: Yes, it's foam. That's the nerve centre.
(JAMIE points something else out...)
JAMIE: Robson's helicopter.
DOCTOR: Yes.
JAMIE: We can't land there.
DOCTOR: Oh yes we can, Jamie.
[SCENE_BREAK]
34. CONTROL RIG COMPLEX
(The helicopter rolls out a long ladder and the DOCTOR starts to climb down.)
DOCTOR: Come on in, the water's lovely.
(JAMIE follows him down.)
DOCTOR: Go on, Jamie.
(They both walk across the landing pad which is covered with a thin layer of foam. The DOCTOR waves at his helicopter pilot.)
DOCTOR: Goodbye.
(They both enter the nearby room with LOG ROOM written on the door.)
DOCTOR: So far so good, Jamie.
JAMIE: But the driver, will he wait for us?
DOCTOR: Oh yes, he said he'd hang around.
JAMIE: Where do we go from here?
DOCTOR: I think we'll go down that way.
JAMIE: Like walking into the lion's den.
DOCTOR: Jamie, we're already in the lion's den. What we've got to concentrate on is keeping our heads out of his mouth.
(They leave the room via the interior door and start to climb down the metal stairs beneath.)
JAMIE: It's very quiet. Do you think Victoria really is down here?
DOCTOR: There's nowhere else she can be.
JAMIE: Aye, I suppose you're right.
(JAMIE opens his mouth to call to Victoria but only manage to get "Vic..." out before the DOCTOR clamps his hand over his mouth.)
DOCTOR: Jamie! Jamie! Now there's no element of surprise!
(But it was too late as for down the corridor comes...)
VICTORIA: (OOV.) Jamie! Doctor!
JAMIE: See I was right.
(He starts to charge down the corridor towards the cries but the DOCTOR holds his arm to stop him.)
DOCTOR: Now, Jamie!
JAMIE: What's the matter?
(The DOCTOR tries reasoning with the warrior Scot.)
DOCTOR: If you were hunting, what would you do?
JAMIE: Well I'd set a... oh I see, you think it might be a trap.
DOCTOR: Might be. We'll lets be cautious just in case, hey?
(They move slowly down the corridor checking each room as go. The is no sign of VICTORIA however and they reach the end of the corridor. Behind a door they can hear the unmistakable sound of the heartbeat.)
DOCTOR: Here we go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
35. CREWROOM
(The two men burst into the room and stare in horror... The end of the room is filled with the foam and the heartbeat, and in the middle is a terrifying sight... the figure of ROBSON looking half-demented, his neck and hands sprouting frond-like weed formations. And out of the foam that has almost completely engulfed him, the tentacles of the giant Weed Creature are snaking about him.)
JAMIE: (In almost total shock, half whispering.) It's Robson!
(At his name, ROBSON started to move forward slowly towards the pair.)
ROBSON: (Softly.) Come in, Doctor. I've been waiting for you. | Plan: A: the pipeline; Q: Where is the Weed Creature poised to burst out of? A: the base; Q: What is the Weed Creature poised to attack? A: Quill; Q: Along with Oak, who else is a vital clue to the Weed Creature's weakness? A: its weakness; Q: What does the Doctor learn about the Weed Creature from Oak and Quill? Summary: With the Weed Creature poised to burst out of the pipeline and attack the base, an encounter with Oak and Quill gives the Doctor a vital clue about its weakness. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Dan : You were at that party that night, and you got pregnant. But you didn't have s*x with Nathan Scott, did you?
Rennee : No.
Nathan : He says she's dropping everything.
Dan : Maybe we need a vacation.
Rachel : Hmm. The Bahamas?
Dan : Tree hill.
Quinn : It's almost morning. I should go.
Clay : Or, uh... You could stay.
Alex : Administrative work is for fatties, Millicent, and you are not a fatty. You... Are a plus-size model.
Brooke : Honey, I'm home. Let's do this.
Alex : I told you it was realistic.
Julian : Hey, honey. Alex and I worked everything out.
Alex : Isn't that great?
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Brooke : Hey.
Julian : Uh-oh -- the look, followed by the pout.
Brooke : I just missed you next to me last night...again.
Julian : I know, baby. Alex and I didn't finish until 4:00 a.m.
Brooke : I know. I watched her leave on my sneaky-slut cam. I'm sorry. I'm really trying to be super-evolved girlfriend, but it's hard for me when my boyfriend spends all of his nights writing an epic love story with naked-actress girl.
Julian : She's not naked.
Brooke : She's always naked in my mind. P.S. -- not a good time to insert obvious girl-on-girl humor.
Julian : Hey. I love you. And I know me working with Alex has been really hard.
Brooke : Excruciating.
Julian : And I appreciate how understanding you've been. But here's some good news. I think we're finally gonna finish the script today.
Brooke : "Finish" as in "done"? As in "no more late nights with Alex"?
Julian : And lots of late nights with the most beautiful girl I know.
AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE
Clay : They're offering two years. I say no deal.
Nathan : It's not bad.
Clay : It's B.S. Look at your numbers last season, man. I mean, all the team is trying to do Is take advantage of the bad press around Renee.
Nathan : Okay, so, right now, Her life is making my name less valuable.
Clay : But not your game. That's why we're countering. I'm gonna ask for four years. We'll take three.
Nathan : They offered two, and we ask for four?
Clay : It's how the game is played, Nate.
Nathan : You're sure they won't stop playing?
Clay : Buddy, trust me. They won't. Just let me do my job.
Nathan : All right.
AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM
Millicent : It's my job to look good, bitch.
Alex : Mils, you've been raping my closet for two weeks. You should be wearing C.O.B., not...M-E.
Millicent : I've been seen in all my C.O.B. clothes.
Alex : What about the new stuff? That dress ball and chain Brooke was working on would be the shiz on you.
Millicent : I know, but Brooke isn't done with it yet, not to mention super-assistant calliope is guarding it like a virgin's Vajayjay. And since all my old clothes are so Millie 1.0, your closet is my only high-end alternative.
Alex : Oh, my god. I'm so sleepy, and you're so talky.
Millicent : Sorry. Still wired. Late night, major party -- you totally missed it.
Alex : Doubt it. The party scene is so lame-traded. It's the same people, same paparazzi, same p0rn.
Millicent : p0rn?
Alex : In the V.I.P.'s, V.I.P. It's way overrated. You know, I'm starting to like just hanging with Julian and working on stuff people take seriously Other than my tight ass. O.M. Gucci! Score me some of what you've been taking, you kinny bitch. You totally look better than me in that.
Millicent : Really?
Alex : Take it off.
Millicent : Wow. That's good?
AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT
Mouth : Hmm. Good god. Millie!
* reach the city steps tonight * * following the power lines *
AT TRIC
Miranda : Haley James Scott, tonight at 8:00... And I can't even utter the last part.
Haley : Free. The concert is free.
Miranda : One more time, and I will wash your Mouth out with soap. Please explain how this impromptu concert is getting your album completed on schedule.
Haley : Only if you explain to me the deal with "schedule." Come on, Miranda, I just wanted to get out of the studio and, you know, get some feedback on my new songs.
Miranda : You'll get feedback in 2 1/2 months, When the record is done and the downloads are making the label money. And then you'll be "free" to perform at any label-authorized concert. In the meantime, this one... Is off.
Haley : Okay, but you're gonna have to tell them. Go on. I'll hold the door open.
Miranda : Well, Americans will line up for anything that's free.
AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE
Clay : Look, we're not talking about a rookie getting his feet wet. This is Nathan Scott. Just look at his numbers, and I think you'll understand why we feel that he's earned a four-year deal. Yeah. Or we might consider a three-year if the price is right, But a two is not gonna get us anywhere. I hope so. Mmm. Thanks. Best part of my day.
Quinn : Me or the coffee?
Clay : Maybe a little bit of both.
Quinn : So, any good news?
Clay : Uh, we'll see. Now I just have to wait. Mm.
Quinn : How would you feel about waiting with me? Come on. I have somewhere I want to take you. Grab your office.
IN THE AIRPORT
Dan : It's good to be home.
AT SCHOOL
Clay : So, this is your dirty little secret?
Quinn : Yeah -- I've been helping out here Every Saturday for a couple of hours. Hales and i used to do it in high school, you know -- Hippie parents, raised to give back.
Girl : Hi, miss Quinn!
Quinn : Hi. I guess I kind of missed it. Hey, you let me in. I just wanted to let you in.
Boy : Hey, miss Quinn.
Quinn : Hi.
Clay : Wow. Great spiral, great listener, and now this hot mother Teresa thing?
Quinn : You know, in girl world, you just called me hot, right?
Clay : In an old-nun sort of way.
Quinn : Oh, okay, yeah.
Clay : So, what exactly do you do here, sister Quinn?
Quinn : Well...we make these homemade cameras, And then we take pictures with them. You know, the first time I looked through my lens, I realized that I could find magic in unexpected places. And I want the kids to feel that. Pretty dorky, huh?
Clay : Completely dorky, yeah.
AT CLOTHES OVER BROS
Haley : I love it.
Brooke : Mm. it's just a sample. It's top-secret C.O.B. for next march. I just finished it today. Here is your super-sassy rock-star comeback outfit. I want you to look so amazing up there.
Haley : I mean, you could just let me wear this one to my show tonight.
Brooke : I could, but then I'd have to kill you. And if you're dead, we can't talk. And... I really need a huge Haley heart-to-heart right now.
Haley : All right. Spell.
Brooke : I think I'm pregnant. I'm late, and I am never late and I'm freaking out.
Haley : Why are you freaking out? You've wanted a baby since you were 22.
Brooke : Because I don't know how Julian's gonna take it. The last time we talked about our future, He basically said "what's the rush?" I am fluent in boy, and I am pretty sure that "what's the rush?" doesn't mean "let's have a baby now."
Haley : Maybe not, but things happen all the time -- Unexpected things that turn out to be amazing things. I named mine Jamie.
Brooke : Yeah, but with all the Alex drama, I just wouldn't want him to think that I was expecting it.
Haley : Oh, Brooke, Julian's not gonna think you got pregnant on purpose.
Brooke : Come on, Hales, you have to admit The timing looks a bit suspect.
Haley : No. you know what? Julian loves you. Stop worrying. Go to the doctor. It's your turn to be the girl who gets the baby and the boy.
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Alex : So, the girl doesn't get the boy.
Julian : No. That's what makes the ending work. She doesn't need the boy anymore.
Alex : Says the boy. Not that you're the boy -- just a boy who doesn't get that some sad girl with bad hair doesn't want to spend money on a movie where the girl doesn't get the boy. It's not American.
Julian : The ending is perfect as is. Trust me. Now, a little drum roll, please. And we're done. That's it. Fade out. Hit "print."
Alex : What about all your annoyingly good notes?
Julian : You did them all. You've been so focused these past few weeks. Now it's just time to kick the script out of the nest, see if it can fly. My dad used to say that.
Alex : So, what's next, then, Mr. producer?
Julian : Well, I'll just put out some feelers, make a few calls, See if anyone responds to the material.
Alex : Which is, like, a no-brainer. This script is the bomb.
Julian : I'll be sure to lead with that.
Alex : Good. And I'll work on scoring production offices with expensive water and a snobby temp. We'll be so legit.
Julian : Whoa. We got to still sell the script. That could take months.
Alex : So we won't be seeing each other every day anymore?
Julian : No, ma'am. You are officially off duty.
Alex : Oh. Sweet.
AT SCHOOL
Cell phone : You have no new messages.
Clay : Nice shot. You got another one of those? You're good. You got an agent?
Boy : Don't need your charity today, all right? So, you starting, or you playing?
Clay : Playing.
* I am young * * but I don't belong *
AT SCOTT'S HOUSE
Dan : Hello, Nathan.
Jamie : It's grandpa Dan. I saw it on the security cam.
Nathan : Jamie --
Jamie : Grandpa Dan!
Dan : Hey, there, buddy. Oh, warm welcome. Nathan, you remember my wife, Rachel.
Nathan : Yes. Of course. Well, when you and Deb are tired of my high-school class, I'm sure I could rummage through some of my old middle-school friends for you.
Rachel : It's good to see you, too, Nathan. It's funny -- I used to want you to be my daddy. And now I'm your mommy.
Jamie : Nice to meet you, grandma Rachel.
Rachel : Aww. I remember when you were a rumor in third period.
Jamie : Dad, can I show grandpa Dan my new room?
Nathan : Yes. yes, of course you can, son.
* When all we do is wonder * * 'cause the future's insecure * * just when I thought *
AT SCHOOL
Boy : I haven't seen you around here before.
Clay : First time -- helping out a friend.
Boy : Yeah, I saw you with the camera lady. She's your girl?
Clay : No.
Boy : Why not? She's pretty.
Clay : You got a lot of questions. My turn. You got a name?
Boy : Nope.
* It makes me wonder why I try *
Boy : I know what you're doing -- You're letting the poor kid win. That's what you all do -- Show up, volunteer for a few hours, Make yourselves feel good about whatever. So, what's your thing? You're a bad dad or something?
Clay : I lost my wife a few years back.
Boy : What was her name?
Clay : Sara. * Everything still looks the same * * yet somehow I sense a change *
Boy : My mom died, too. * But even after all these days *
Clay : Do you want to talk about it?
Boy : What's that gonna do?
Clay : I used to think the same thing. I had a bunch of memories of her, my own secrets. And I thought that if I talked about her with anyone else that those memories would go away. I wouldn't have our secrets anymore, and maybe I'd start to forget.
Boy : And did you? Forget?
Clay : Not one thing. * And nobody can be sure * * when the world is going crazy *
Boy : Sometimes I feel like she's still here with me.
Clay : She is. She always will be. Moms are special that way. * Just when I thought I uncovered * * just when I thought I discovered * * who we were * * we change again *
AT THE NURSERY
Nurse: Brooke Davis. You ready?
Brooke : I've been ready.
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE & PAUL OFFICE
Paul : Paul Norris.
Julian : Hey, dad. It's me.
Paul : Julian. It's good to hear from you, son. How are you? How's Brooke?
Julian : She's good. We're good.
Paul : I'm happy to hear that.
Julian : So, I've been working. And I found a script that I really like. I'm thinking about sending it out.
Paul : Ah. Kick it out of the nest.
Julian : See if it can fly. I think you said to me about a thousand times when I was a kid. So, dad, listen, I, um... I wanted to see if you'd want to produce it with me. I mean, it's nothing huge. It's an indie. But... it's about second chances. And... I don't know -- it made me think of us.
Paul : I'd like that, son. Very much.
AT SCOTT'S HOUSE
Dan : This is some collection.
Jamie : Look at this one -- jerry rice.
Dan : Whoa!
Jamie : I got it for my birthday. I'm 7 now.
Dan : I know. I'm sorry I missed that. I'm sorry I missed a lot of things over this past year.
Jamie : I forgive you.
Dan : I always hoped you were watching.
Jamie : I never missed it. I pretended like you never left. I like that big clock thing that hangs behind you, 'cause it means you're okay, even if you're still sick. I'm glad you're home again.
Dan : Me too, buddy.
* You're growing old with someone * * as beautiful as you * * just ask me to *
AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT
Rachel : Surprise!
Mouth : Rachel. Uh, what are you doing here?
Rachel : Waiting for a hello hug from my favorite boy!
* I'm surrounded by everything I own *
AT THE NURSERY
Doctor : Miss Davis. I'm...sorry, but the test came back negative.
Brooke : E-excuse me?
Doctor : You're not pregnant.
* I'm listening * * ooh *
ON THE RIVER COURT
Jamie : So, you and mom went to high school with grandma Rachel? Were you friends?
Nathan : Um, I'm not really sure grandma Rachel was friends with anyone.
Jamie : Like grandpa Dan? I'm glad they have each other.
Nathan : Yeah. They're a perfect match.
Jamie : Dad...I have a secret. Sometimes I watch Grandpa Dan on TV. I know I'm not supposed to. I'm sorry.
Nathan : No, Jamie, it's okay. I knew you were watching. And it's okay for you to miss him. He loves you.
Jamie : He loves you, too. he watched all the bobcats games. And --
Nathan : Jamie.
Jamie : Dad, he's different now. He helps people, like he helped us with that lady who was trying to hurt you and mom.
Nathan : Yeah. Well, there are things between us you can't understand, Jamie.
Jamie : I'm not a little kid anymore. I understand a lot of things.
Nathan : I know you do. I wish you didn't have to.
Jamie : Dad, it's only three words -- "I forgive you."
Nathan : Shoot it. Aw!
AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT
Mouth : So, um... How's life in L.A.?
Rachel : It's great. You can be anybody you want there.
Mouth : And who are you?
Rachel : Rachel Scott -- Dan's ex-screw-up of a wife who has changed her life With the positive words of Dan Scott. It's genius.
Mouth : So, I guess Dan helped you step into the light And get yourself right.
Rachel : Mm. Dan helped me step into the light And get myself a personal trainer, A driver, and a black card.
Mouth : Same Rachel, different city. So, are we gonna talk about Brooke? I mean, have you seen her?
Rachel : No. And I don't want to. I know I messed up last time, But she and Victoria blackballed me in the industry. Even after I got sober, I couldn't get a gig. Then I got un-sober and ended up shaking my ass on a pole.
Mouth : I'm sorry that happened to you, But none of it was Brooke's fault.
Rachel : So, what -- you're on her side?
Mouth : You were her friend. She went out on a limb for you, and you repaid her by stealing money. So, yeah, I'm kind of on her side. Go see her. You owe her that.
AT TRIC
Brooke : I guess I was late because of stress. Julian, Alex, the new line...
Haley : It's okay. It'll happen. When you guys are ready, it'll happen. Brooke. Hey. You were so meant to be a mom. You are gonna have a houseful of very fashionably dressed little Brooke Davis Running around. You wait and see.
Brooke : Yeah.
* Maybe it was from the start * * the story of a broken heart *
IN THE DARK ROOM
Clay : So, this is your cave?
Quinn : Yeah, we can't all have pimped-out beach houses To hide in.
Clay : Says the woman whose cave is in an NBA player's mansion.
Quinn : Touché. But I'm thinking about getting back To my artist roots, you know? Crampy, old apartments with character and creaky floors -- They make the best caves.
Clay : So you're staying in tree hill?
Quinn : For a while. You know, it's home. I like it here. Plus, you know, the company isn't horrible.
Clay : Beautiful.
Quinn : It is. This is what I love -- You know, standing in the pitch black, waiting for the smallest moment To reveal itself right before your eyes.
Clay : I have to take this. I...hope it's what I want to hear.
Quinn : Oh, you're super agent. It will be.
Clay : Hey. Today? Are we sure? Yeah, that's great. Just keep me posted.
Quinn : Good news?
Clay : Just a rumor, but, uh, yeah, I think so. So, I should get going.
Quinn : Yeah.
Clay : But I'll see you tonight at Haley's concert?
Quinn : Yeah, I'll see you tonight.
Clay : Okay.
Quinn : Oh.
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Julian : We're not working tonight, Alex.
Alex : I know, but I just reread the script, And it totally sucks ducks. I mean, the main character is total white noise. She needs, like, a-a crack habit or a-a brother with cancer -- Something Oscar-worthy.
Julian : The script is awesome. Trust yourself. We did good work.
Alex : But I -- I just --
Julian : good night, Alex. I have plans with Brooke.
Alex : But... I'm just... Never really good at being alone.
Julian : Come on. stop it. go live your life. You're Alex Dupré.
* The story of a broken heart * * and destiny will see you through *
AT TRIC
Miranda : Well, well. this is quite the crowd, isn't it?
Haley : Yeah, I can't believe all these people showed up After so many years.
Miranda : I know. There is a lot of people out there...just waiting. Wow. So... nervous? 'cause I heard you get a bit of stage fright.
Miranda : Oh, no. actually, I'm not nervous at all. I'm just looking forward to getting back out there. Really? Because I'd be nervous. I mean, after all, if the music's no good, it'll be all over YouTube by tomorrow. And then you'll have to explain to the label what you were thinking When you put together this premature little free concert that could ruin any good buzz we have about your up-and-coming album. Ohhh. See? Now I'm nervous. Break a leg.
Haley : That's funny -- "leg" wasn't my first option for you.
* Here I am for you *
Alex : Live your life, Alex. * here I am for you *
Brooke : Mm. Can I get another?
Julian : Hey, baby.
Brooke : Hi.
Julian : I hope that's champagne you just ordered, 'cause we're celebrating tonight, remember?
Brooke : Right -- we're celebrating. * got something to say * * come right this way and have a nice day *
Julian : I'll be right back. * a fantasy or reality? * * who do you think you are? * * an alien or a superstar? *
Julian : I told you I'm with Brooke tonight. No games, Alex.
Alex : This isn't a game. I swear. I found some coke in my suitcase.
Julian : What have you done?
Alex : Nothing...yet. But I'm thinking about it. I don't want to mess up.
Julian : Okay, look, calm down.
Alex : Please come. Please.
Julian : Okay, just don't do anything. I'm on my way, okay? * come right this way and have a nice day * * hey, got something to say * * come right this way and have a nice day *
Julian : Okay. * hey, hey, hey *
Clay : What's up, bud?
Nathan : Hey. I hope that grin means you had a good day at the office.
Clay : I'm hearing good things.
Nathan : That's awesome. I don't think I could take any more bad news today.
Clay : What's up? You okay?
Nathan : Yeah, I'm fine. It's just -- it's family stuff.
Clay : All right. Chase, my man, I'm in a good mood. So I'm gonna have one of those tasty blue brain blasters.
Chase : You could have told me they sucked.
Nathan : Come on. Who said that?
Chase : They sucked, and you know it. And that's why, from now on, I'm officially just bar manager.
Clay : But who's gonna bring me my shots and beers?
Chase : All right. Hey, Grubbs. Guys, this is Grubbs, my new bartender. Clay here wants a drink. What do you think?
Grubbs : Shot of tequila, chilled, and a beer, imported. No -- hip domestic.
Nathan : Nice.
Clay : Wow. That's pretty impressive.
Chase : Yeah, I know. That guy sucks.
Grubbs : Here.
Clay : Thanks, Grubbs.
Nathan : Well...to you. Thanks for all the hard work. And here's to next season not being a contract year.
Clay : Congrats, man. Cheers.
Quinn : Hey, Nate.
Nathan : Hey.
Quinn : Clay.
Clay : Hey, Quinn. Oh, hey, check this out. Grubbs, this is Quinn.
Quinn : Hey.
Clay : She needs a drink.
Grubbs : White wine's gonna make you both happy.
Quinn : Wow. He's better than Zelda.
Haley : Hey! Oh, my Gosh! I've been gone a long time. But, uh, I'm back. It feels good. Anyway, I want to show you guys some of my new songs. And, uh... thanks for showing up. I hope you like it. * maybe I was wrong * * maybe I was looking in all the wrong places * * maybe I was wrong * * maybe I was searching in all the wrong places * * if I knew that you were coming for me * * I would have stayed in one place * * if I knew that you were coming for me * * I would have made my peace * * maybe I was wrong * * maybe I was dreamless and full of suffering * * maybe I was wrong * * every time you said you loved me * * I went running on my own * * but I see now *
Brooke : What do you mean you're on your way to Alex's hotel room?
Julian : Brooke, I'm sorry. She's in trouble.
Brooke : And of course she called you.
Julian : Well, I didn't really have a choice. She said she found some cocaine and she thinks she may relapse. I -- I can't just leave her alone. She sounded really bad.
Brooke : She's an actress, Julian!
Julian : I'll hurry back. I promise. * Maybe I was looking at all the wrong faces * * Maybe I was wrong * * Maybe I was searching in all the wrong places * * if I knew that you were coming for me * * I would have stayed in one place *
Millicent : Boo!
Mouth : Hey. Where have you been? I called, but you didn't answer.
Millicent : I know. Sorry. I had to drop by work for a sec. You like?
Mouth : You look great. But you always look great.
Millicent : You always say that, Mouth.
Mouth : You called me "Mouth." You never call me "Mouth." * I'm coming home * * I can see you now * * I'm coming home *
Brooke : What the hell are you wearing?
Millicent : It's great, Brooke. I love it.
Brooke : You know that dress is not supposed to be released until next summer, so unless I magically went to sleep for a year, you need to explain to me why you're wearing it tonight.
Millicent : I thought it would be fine. I mean, I'm the face of C.O.B.
Brooke : Millicent Huxtable. That dress needs to leave this bar right now, on or off you. Your choice or your job.
Millicent : Someone needs to chill out. It's just a dress. And there's no one important in here, anyway.
Mouth : "No one important"? What's that supposed to mean?
Millicent : I mean, it's Tric, not the music awards.
Mouth : Is that why you're taking pills -- So you can go look fab at someplace important, like the music awards?
Millicent : You were going through my stuff?
Mouth : Your stuff was all over the room. And that's not what's important here. I'm worried about you.
Millicent : Worried about what?
Mouth : You're different -- Blowing Brooke off, messing up at work, Partying all the time, and now these pills.
Millicent : So I took a few diet pills to drop a few pounds. So what?
Mouth : Brooke hired you for who you are. You don't have to change that.
Millicent : I don't just have to please Brooke. There's an entire industry. It's a lot of pressure to fit in. and for once, I want to fit in. God, Marvin, you told me you supported me.
Mouth : I wanted you to be a model Because it made you feel special.
Millicent : And that's sweet and noble And one of the reasons why I love you. But it's not that simple. I wish it were, but it's not.
AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM
Alex : I'm sorry.
Julian : Stop saying you're sorry.
Alex : You're just the only one I could call who wouldn't want to do it with me or report it to the tabloids.
Julian : What about your sponsor from rehab?
Alex : Rehab was for publicity. My sponsor isn't good for anything besides scoring the best blow. The only time I stopped doing it was when I started working with you. I'm not trying to pressure you. It's just the truth.
Julian : Well, I'll take it and go.
Alex : But I could just go out and get more.
Julian : Would you?
Alex : I don't know. Right now, I want it so bad. Tonight was hard. I didn't have anywhere to go. It was so quiet in here. And I hate myself when it's quiet.
Julian : Hey. Alex. Hey. You are so much more than you see. The girl I've been working with is bright and funny and independent and strong all by herself. She doesn't need that stuff.
Alex : I wish I could see her.
Julian : Let's just get you through tonight... and hopefully you will.
AT TRIC
Miranda : The playback sounds great.
Haley : Playback?
Miranda : I recorded a little bit. You know, I thought we could "Accidentally" leak a song, Get the fans excited for more. This little concert was genius. I'm so glad I thought of it.
Haley : Yeah, me too.
Miranda : Studio tomorrow, bright and early.
Haley : Where are you headed?
Miranda : Have you met Grubbs, the bartender? He's kind of hot, in a... Dirty, "I'm gonna hate myself in the morning" sort of way. Ciao.
Nathan : Hey you.
Haley : Hi. Oh, thank you.
Nathan : You know, I could get used to being the one watching from the stands.
Haley : No, it's my job. I'm not giving it up.
Nathan : Oh. You were amazing, Hales.
Haley : Thank you. When I was up there, I couldn't stop thinking about how lucky we are and how we just got everything we dreamed of -- Jamie and how far we've come, and it just feels like nothing can get in the way of that anymore.
Nathan : Why do we say things like that?
Haley : What?
Nathan : Well, I didn't want to tell you this before the show, but...
Haley : He is the healthiest-looking dying man I have ever seen.
Nathan : I guess evil does a body good.
Rachel : It's everything I took from you -- plus interest.
Brooke : Well. Not that I have anything to say to your thieving ass, but you took a lot more than money, Rachel.
Rachel : And I'm trying to take responsibility for that, Brooke. You should, too.
Brooke : I'm sorry. Is that hair color seeping into your brain? What in your twisted, little head am I responsible for?
Rachel : You left an envelope full of money with a junkie.
Brooke : Says the junkie.
Rachel : True forgiveness is about accepting our own fault in things. You'd know that if you watched the show. Now, I have given you an apology and a check, and you've given me nothing. But that's okay. I forgive --
Brooke : Stay away from me, bitch.
Dan : Whiskey -- straight up.
Grubbs : Hmm. I'd have guessed blood.
Nathan : Interesting choice for the poster boy of redemption and clean living.
Dan : I know I surprised you today. I'm sorry about that.
Nathan : You're always sorry, Dan. So, why are you back? What do you want?
Dan : A chance.
Nathan : It's not gonna happen, Dan. And I'm kind of thinking you should cancel your plane ride to ask Lucas, too.
Dan : You know, I'd hoped fixing things between you and Renee would help thaw the ice a bit.
Nathan : So you did that for yourself.
Dan : No. I did it for you.
Nathan : Well, I already said "Thank you." You know... There's never gonna be a golden ticket back into my life. I'll tolerate you for Jamie. But you're dead to me. The moment Keith died, you died.
* Just close your eyes * * and we'll take off *
Quinn : It's like watching an antelope at the watering hole in the Serengeti.
Clay : This antelope hasn't hooked up at the watering hole in weeks. There's a nun that's been hogging all my time.
Quinn : Oh, excuse me. I guess I've been messing up your game.
Clay : Eh, it's okay. The game was getting old. I thank you for today. I'm glad that you got me out of the house. Those kids were good for me.
Quinn : Yeah. I know, right? It's all about finding magic in unexpected places.
Clay : Yeah.
Quinn : So, did you get that call you were waiting on?
Clay : Not yet. But, you know, I've done a lot of deals like this. Silence is just one of their tools. It'll work out.
Quinn : I hope so.
Clay : Yeah.
Quinn : Well, I should get going. I have to be up early and bring coffee to this friend of mine. He kind of depends on me. I'll see you tomorrow.
Clay : Quinn. Who says tonight's over?
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Brooke : I just thought you'd be home by now.
Julian : Look, me too, but she's all alone.
Brooke : So am I.
Julian : Brooke, you know I love you. I just don't think I should leave her yet. She's... I'm worried about her.
Brooke : well, I'm worried about us. But you do what you've got to do.
AT TRIC
Dan : I was stupid to think he'd let me back in.
Rachel : Baby, let's go back to L.A. Let's leave these small people and this small town.
Dan : This small town's the closest thing we have to home. And I'm not running from it anymore. Neither should you.
Rachel : Who says I'm running?
Dan : You are. We both are. And I'm not leaving until I get what I came for.
Rachel : What's that, Dan?
Dan : Redemption.
ON THE BEACH
Quinn : Come on. You totally can't see it? Look closer. I swear that there's a face on the moon.
Clay : Oh, yeah. Look at that. It -- wow. It's entirely made of cheese, too.
Quinn : Oh, yeah, and you totally suck.
Clay : And you totally crack me up. And I -- I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. You want to go for a swim?
Quinn : Says the man that knows I'm afraid of the water.
Clay : What if I'm afraid, too?
Quinn : Okay, I'll play. What are you afraid of?
Clay : To move on and to feel something for someone now. But I'm tired of being afraid. I...
* Head is spinning *
Clay : There are so many reasons that I shouldn't have done that. But I've wanted to for so long.
Quinn : Mm-hmm. Me too. * I'm still smiling *
AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM
Julian : You can do it, Alex.
Alex : I know. Wait. I don't understand.
Julian : I do. You've been lying all night. Nice performance, Alex.
Alex : No, I wasn't lying. I swear. Julian, please. It was full.
* The sun breaks the darkness * * and I wake to all of this * *Why can't you be the girl*
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Brooke : Why can't you be the girl who gets the boy and the baby Brooke Davis?
AT SCOTT'S HOUSE
Haley : Hey.
Nathan : You know that this thing with Dan --
Haley : It's gonna be okay, right? He can't hurt us anymore.
Nathan : Yeah, I know.
Haley : Good. So, how about a little special encore performance for my sexy-ass husband?
Nathan : Yeah?
Reporter : big news in the NBA -- the charlotte bobcats have opened up their checkbook and capped themselves out, acquiring Derek McDaniel in a hush-hush deal late today. That's bad news for local star Nathan Scott, who is going to have to find a spot elsewhere, if at all. | Plan: A: Haley; Q: Who returns to the stage? A: Brooke; Q: Who receives life-changing news? A: the chagrin; Q: How does Nathan feel about Dan Scott returning to Tree Hill? A: a new NBA contract; Q: What is Nathan about to sign? A: Clay; Q: Who is Nathan's agent? A: Quinn; Q: Who and Clay grow closer? A: Stars of Track and Field; Q: What band did this episode name after? Summary: Haley returns to the stage and Brooke receives life-changing news. Meanwhile, Dan Scott returns to Tree Hill much to the chagrin of Nathan, who is about to sign a new NBA contract with the help of his agent Clay. Quinn and Clay grow closer. This episode is named after a song by Stars of Track and Field . |
Title: "A Tale of Two Parties" 53rd Episode of Roswell
Production Code: 3ADA10
[SCENE_BREAK]
[New Year's day 7:31 AM: Jesse opens the door to the apartment, and finds Isabel and Kyle laying on the couch, her head is in his lap- Michael wakes up in Liz's bedroom]
[acoustic guitar plays- Mr. Parker is singing]
Mr. Parker: write me a postcard - 3 little words - draw me a picture - show me where you are.-..
[Michael moans]
MICHAEL: hey.
LIZ: Good morning. How you feeling?
MICHAEL: Better.
LIZ: Quite a night you had.
MICHAEL: Yeah, both of us. What about Maria?
LIZ: Who knows? I think that she and Max spent the night together.
[Seven and a half hours earlier- Loud rumble- Max and Maria see lights over the hill]
MARIA: thank you so much for this, Max. Really, I should have never doubted you.
MAX: No problem. So you ready?
MARIA: I've been thinking about this my whole life. I am so ready.
MAX: Then let's go. oh, i am what i am
[New Year's Eve 6:32 PM- telephone rings]
ISABEL: hello?
JESSE: Don't be mad.
ISABEL: Where are you?
JESSE: Houston, and I just missed my connecting flight.
[Sighs]
ISABEL: it's ok.
JESSE: No, it's not. I'm really sorry.
ISABEL: It's fine.
JESSE: Look, do me a favor? Don't just sit at home alone. Go out, have a good time, enjoy the night for both of us.
ISABEL: I don't know.
JESSE: Please, Isabel, it's bad enough I'm gonna be stuck in an airport, I don't want you to have a crappy New Year's, too. Please.
ISABEL: Ok.
[Liz is talking to Maria]
LIZ: This isn't fair.
MARIA: I'm really sorry, petunia, but in about 3 minutes I'm out of here.
LIZ: You're never gonna find it.
MARIA: Oh, please. This year, I'm gonna find it. Trust me.
Mr. Parker: Find what? Enigma.
LIZ: You know about enigma?
Mr. Parker: I've only lived here all my life. That secret New Year's eve party has been going on since before I was your age.
LIZ: Well, did you ever find it?
Mr. Parker: Once. Did you dish up the tapioca?
LIZ: 50 times. Dad...
Mr. Parker: Daughter.
LIZ: Come on, you don't really need me to be doing this.
Mr. Parker: Liz, you and i have done this party together since you were, like, this high. It's a family tradition.
LIZ: What, that I wait on a bunch of geriatrics for all eternity?
Mr. Parker: I'll tell you what, when you're finally a resident of the desert inn retirement community, then you don't have to come here for New Year's eve.
LIZ: Gee, thanks.
[Sighs]
MARIA: petunia, work on him. I have a feeling he'll weaken. Otherwise, I'll tell you about enigma tomorrow morning. Bye.
[Michael comes into the backroom as Maria is clocking out- they bump into each other]
MARIA: oh, sorry.
MICHAEL: Sorry.
[Laughs]
MICHAEL: so enigma, huh?
MARIA: Yep. And no, I don't think it's lame or stupid or any of the other 50 insults you're about to spew out.
MICHAEL: I wasn't going to spew. Just talking.
MARIA: So what are you doing tonight?
MICHAEL: I don't know. TV, play-station... Something.
MARIA: Alone?
MICHAEL: Yeah.
MARIA: What about Max? Why don't you two go, I don't know, look for a party or something?
MICHAEL: Oh, yeah, he's the original party animal. I'd rather surf the tube. Have fun.
MARIA: Hey, wait. You wanna come find enigma with me?
MICHAEL: Wouldn't that violate the whole "we're not dating anymore" thing?
MARIA: It's not a date. It's a scavenger hunt looking for party clues, and 2 heads are better than one. No midnight kiss, no pawing in the back seat. We just find the party and then go our separate ways till dawn. Deal?
MICHAEL: Deal.
[Kyle is praying in front of his Buddha statue]
[exhales]
KYLE: thank you. Now that my immortal soul has been cleansed...
[Coughs] on to more terrestrial concerns. It's been a dry couple years. Kyle needs a woman. Kyle needs her badly. Kyle needs her tonight.
[Knock on door]
KYLE: oh, thank you! But if that's a Jehovah's witness, I'm coming back here.
[Knock knock knock]
ISABEL: hi.
KYLE: Hey.
ISABEL: Kyle Valenti, it is your lucky night. Rudolph's shiny New Year! No?
KYLE: No, I can't. I'm going out.
ISABEL: On New Year's eve?
KYLE: Yeah, imagine that.
KYLE: I'm going to that enigma thing.
ISABEL: Really? Do you know where it is?
KYLE: No, but I'm going to find out.
ISABEL: Hmm. Or you could save yourself the aggravation and buddy up here with Rudolph and his shiny New Year. Oh, and... I brought goobers.
KYLE: Tempting, but no.
ISABEL: Jesse missed his flight and is stuck in Houston. I had this whole romantic evening planned and I had to scrap it.
KYLE: Boo-hoo.
ISABEL: Kyle, it's enigma.
KYLE: Yeah, it's just s*x, drugs, and whatever's passing for rock and roll these days. Why would I want to go there?
ISABEL: Ok, fine. Well, do you mind if an old married lady tags along?
[Sighs]
KYLE: ok, but I'm warning you, I'm a man on a mission: s*x or death. So don't get in my way, and don't cramp my style.
ISABEL: You have style?
KYLE: Hey!
ISABEL: Ok, hey. Let's go. Where's the first clue?
KYLE: At the high school. Mr. Seligman's room. All right. Bring the goobers. I'm driving.
[Laughs]
[Max and Liz are talking]
LIZ: I'm sorry.
MAX: It's all right. I had a feeling he wasn't going to let you get off work.
LIZ: So what are you gonna do?
MAX: Go back to Michael's and avoid New Year's rockin' eve.
LIZ: Why don't you just go out with Maria and Michael? To enigma?
LIZ: Uh-huh.
MAX: I'm not really a party guy, Liz. I'm more of A... One-on-one guy.
LIZ: Well, I like one-on-one, but parties are very fun, too. No, seriously, when was the last time that you went out and had fun at a party with people you didn't know?
MAX: I don't know.
LIZ: Exactly. Come on, there's no reason both of us should have a crummy New Year's.
MAX: I'd feel like a third wheel.
LIZ: No, you would be a guy hanging out with his 2 best friends on New Years, and you'd be having a really good time. Right?
MAX: I need more convincing.
[Liz kisses Max]
MAX: I almost believed it-
LIZ: good-bye. I have to go back downstairs.
MAX: All right. Ok. But on one condition: Midnight comes and we're together.
LIZ: How are we gonna do that? I'm gonna be downstairs and you are gonna be out-
MAX: we find a way. Somehow, some way, we make it happen.
LIZ: Max.
MAX: Liz.
LIZ: Ok. We'll find a way.
MAX: Ok. See you at midnight.
[Liz is greeting guests arriving for the Crashdown party]
LIZ: make a resolution and stick it on the cactus. Thank you so much. Happy New Year.
Mr. Parker: Ok, watch your step. Oh, thank you.
LIZ: Don't forget to make a resolution and stick it on the cactus. Here we go. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. There you go. Yep. Make your resolution one time a year. Happy New Year. Here you go.
Jane: Hi, Liz.
LIZ: Hi.
Jane: Jane Covendall. We met a couple of months ago, remember? The movie thing?
LIZ: Oh, yes, i do. Hi, how are you?
Jane: Out to pasture, but I'm doing just fine now. How are you?
LIZ: I'm ok.
Jane: Who's the "guy Lombardo" over there?
LIZ: Ah, that's Jim Valenti and his band, the kit shickers.
Jane: Did you just say-
LIZ: no, no, no. It's the kit shickers. It sounds bad, but it isn't.
Jane: Mm-hmm. Well, I sure hope those bastards can play.
[Mr Parker walks up to Liz]
LIZ: Uh, hi. How about a compromise? I will stay for the party, but then once we've done the whole stupid "pretend it's midnight at 10:30 thing" I'm outta here. Ok?
Mr. Parker: First of all, when you're 80 and you wanna be in bed by 11:00, you might not think it's so stupid. Second of all, I'm not gonna get stuck with doing all the clean-up myself.
LIZ: Ugh!
Mr. Parker: And third, I don't want you and Max catting around the desert all night.
LIZ: Catting around?
Mr. Parker: Sweetie, your plans for this evening are set.
[Michael, Max and Maria are breaking into the school]
MICHAEL: Watch it.
MAX: Don't pull.
MAX: You know this is breaking and entering.
MARIA: Well, if we get caught, we'll party in jail.
MICHAEL: The girl wants to party.
MARIA: This is the first clue. Hut, hut. That's football, right? Maybe the party's on the football field. I don't know. That's too easy.
MICHAEL: So why are you really here?
MAX: What are you talking about? I'm looking for enigma.
MICHAEL: Did Liz put you up to this? Are you a chaperone for me and Maria or something?
MAX: It's New Year's eve, and I'm looking for a party, ok? Hey, I know how to party.
MARIA: All right, this is what i gather. It's a quarterback's call, and their is a number 7. Dave Lambert is number 7.
MICHAEL: Who's Dave Lambert?
MARIA: The star quarterback at Isabel's college. Anyway, so Julia says-
MICHAEL: who's Julia?
MARIA: That's Julia. Dave Lambert's fraternity is having a party, which is probably where the next clue to enigma is. So let's go. Out the window, Guerin. Oh, Max, listen, this chaperone thing, I know that Liz put you up to it, but Michael and I, we're clear that this is not a date.
MAX: I'm not a chaperone. I'm really looking for the party.
MARIA: Right. Ok.
[Kyle laughs as he and Isabel enter the garage]
ISABEL: and whose car is this?
KYLE: My boss Toby's. And these would be the keys.
ISABEL: What if we get caught?
KYLE: We won't.
ISABEL: How many blue vipers are there in Roswell?
KYLE: One.
ISABEL: One. And, I'm sorry, how many people have access to this garage after hours, besides your boss?
KYLE: One.
ISABEL: Yeah, we're gonna get caught. Maybe, but this thing's a chick magnet, Isabel. I've seen it work. I'll take the risk. Get in.
[Isabel uses her powers to turn the car yellow]
KYLE: Whoa, man!
ISABEL: I'm not really in a risk-taking mood. I hope this doesn't cramp your style.
KYLE: Yellow wasn't my first choice, but that's cool.
[Jim's band is playing at the Crashdown ]
JIM: thank you. Thank you very much.
Jane: They're good.
LIZ: Yeah, they're good.
Jane: But you wish you were someplace else?
Jane: No, I don't.
Jane: Don't shick a shicker.
[Laughs]
LIZ: you... You're funny.
Jane: Boy trouble?
LIZ: Um, well, sort of. My parents don't really approve of my boyfriend.
Jane: I'm having the same problem.
LIZ: Really?
Jane: You see that crotchety old couple over there? My mom and dad. You'd think they'd leave Frank and me be by now, but no.
LIZ: Uh, well, which one is Frank?
Jane: Oh, he's not here. New year's means a lot to them, kind of a sentimental thing, you know. So frank goes out with his buddies at the V.F.W., And I give them this one night of the year.
LIZ: But don't you mind being apart on New Year's?
Jane: Oh, sure we do, but... Well, your parents won't always be there, and besides... We have phone s*x at midnight.
[Country music playing]
JIM: looking for a heartache like you I've been looking for a heartache like you I know.
[Kyle and Isabel are working on the clues]
KYLE: It's an easy clue. An easy clue. See, the hut hut part meant the falafel hut across the street, and the 24 and the 7 run either side of the 2 zeros, so here we are at the site of the next clue. Nice car, huh?
GIRLS: Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE: Jerky?
GIRLS: No, thanks. No, thanks.
MAN: : Hey! I'm gonna ask you a question from the future.
KYLE: Yes.
MAN: Are those your teeth lying on the ground?
KYLE: Bye-bye.
ISABEL: You know, I think they liked you.
KYLE: Yeah, they way you like a monkey in a little hat. I was just entertainment till the real men showed up.
ISABEL: Is this a confidence issue? Because women can detect insecurity a mile away, Kyle.
KYLE: Do you detect it?
ISABEL: No. I'm married. My radar's been dismantled. Look, women want an alpha male, you know? You gotta exude confidence.
KYLE: Confidence?
ISABEL: Yeah.
KYLE: All right.
ISABEL: It can't be that hard, Kyle. I mean, you used to date girls.
KYLE: Look, it's been a long time, all right? I used to be a fun guy. I used to have fun, but then the alien invasion happened, and I sorta-- my social life started to suck.
ISABEL: Yeah.
KYLE: Did you find the next clue in there or what?
ISABEL: No. I think your whole falafel hut theory was a little off. Yeah. Come on, let's go.
KYLE: Where we goin'?
ISABEL: To find you a new social life. Drop the jerky.
[Party music blaring] well, everybody, everybody and a place to be open up your mind and let your soul breathe free i can feel the whole shack shuttin' in on me so let's make this party shine everybody, everybody and a place to be open up your mind and let your soul breathe free...
MAN: Party! Whoo!
MAN2: Dude, it's empty, bro.
MAN: What do you mean it's empty, man? We just tapped it.
MAN2: It's empty. Dude, it's empty. This is the last one. It's all gone.
MAN: Not--not so loud. Not so loud. W
Girl: Hey, aren't you in my astronomy class?
MAX: No, not really. W
Girl: I swear, I've seen you before. W
Girl: Hmm, are you with anyone tonight? It is New Year's.
MAX: Uh, yeah, my girlfriend's meeting me later. W
Girl: That's too bad. Hey, uh, we're running out of beer. Could you be a dear and start a collection for a new keg?
MAX: Uh, why don't I check and see if the keg is really empty first?
MAN3: Aw, come on! Come on! You're out of beer?!
MAX: Uh, hey, maybe i can help.
MAN: What?! What are you, a townie?
MAX: Seriously, I, uh--I have a way with these things.
MAN: Be my guest, please.
MAX: sometimes it's this, uh--this thing up here that just-- you gotta make sure it's-- I don't know. Give that a shot.
[Max uses his powers to fill the keg with beer]
MAN: Oh! Oh, man! There was nothin' in there. That was empty.
MAX: Apparently not.
[All cheering, whooping] all: Townie! Townie! Townie! Townie...
DAVE: Now get out of here.
MARIA: Dave! Hey.
DAVE: Hey. How are you?
DAVE: How are you?
MARIA: Good. Listen, I'm looking for a party.
DAVE: There's a party right here, baby. Do you know of any clues for enigma?
MARIA: Hey. Oh!
MICHAEL: Where's the keg? Ok, this is so not the right place.
[Several guys carry Max in on their shoulders]
GUYS: : Townie! Townie! Townie! Townie! Townie! Townie! Townie! Yeah! Too much, brother. Good stuff, man, really-
MARIA: Max. Max, we're in the wrong place. I've--I've talked to everyone. I've flirted with half a dozen of these bozos. No one's ever heard of enigma. I even let Dave Lambert touch my ass.
MAX: Did Michael see that?
MARIA: The chaperone speaks. I don't know. And it doesn't matter, 'cause we're not together.
MAX: Where is Michael?
[Michael is drinking heavily]
MICHAEL: Hey.
MAX: Look at me.
MICHAEL: Sorry, I only have eyes for Maria. But she's handing her butt out to total strangers. What's that about?
MAX: Michael, what are you doing? I told you what happened the one and only time I got drunk. My powers went crazy.
MICHAEL: I'm fine. I got no... Power problems whatsoever.
MAX: All right. I want you to stand up. Come on, we're going.
MICHAEL: Ow!
MAX: What's the matter?
MICHAEL: That's a killer grip, man. Oh, it's loud in here now.
MAX: Yeah. Can you walk?
MICHAEL: It's bright. It's really bright.
MICHAEL: Right, Max, what's on me? Max, what's on my back?!
MAX: It's your shirt.
MICHAEL: No, no, Max, I got some-- Max, I'm on fire! I'm on fire! Max, I'm on fire! I'm on fire! I'm on fire!
MAX: Michael, Michael, let's go.
MICHAEL: Max, I'm on fire! I'm on fire! I'm on fire! I'm on fire! Put it out! Put it out! I'm on fire!
[Michael rolls on the ground thinking he is on fire as Max and Maria look on]
MARIA: he's drunk?
MICHAEL: Uhh! Too loud.
MAX: Yeah.
MARIA: So, wait a minute. My New Year's eve isn't being ruined by some life-threatening, hot flash alien disease. It's because Michael's drunk?
MAX: I think the alcohol affected his senses. Some sort of sensory overload. Everything's too bright, too loud.
MARIA: So, I guess the search for enigma's over.
MAX: No, it's still early. He could just-
MICHAEL: eww, what's that stench? Is that you?
MARIA: I don't have a stench.
MAX: It might be your perfume.
MICHAEL: Smells like road kill.
MARIA: It's 50 bucks an ounce, man.
MICHAEL: It still stinks.
MARIA: You know, you're an ass, man!
MICHAEL: Aah!
[Michael falls to the ground]
MARIA: Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
MAX: Quick, get in the car. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Back at the Crashdown, Liz is calling out bingo numbers]
LIZ: All right, here we go, ladies and gentlemen. And the first ball out is spaceship 17. Mark that one if you've got it, spaceship 17. Spaceship 1-7.
JIM: She seems to be having a good time.
Mr. Parker: Yep. Go figure. An hour ago...
JIM: Yeah?
Mr. Parker: You'd have thought she'd been sentenced to work here tonight.
[Liz calls another number]
Mr. Parker: Jim, can I ask you something?
JIM: Sure.
Mr. Parker: What do you think about Max Evans?
JIM: Honestly? I think a great deal of him. I think he's a very special kid.
Mr. Parker: I used to think so, too. He always seemed like a responsible, straight ahead kid. But then, it's-
JIM: listen, this is a tough age. I mean, take it from a father of a teenage boy. They up and do things that... Jeff, I--I can't honestly sit here and give you the boys-will-be-boys routine. Max screwed up big time. He put your daughter in danger. There's no excuse for that. And since you seem to be asking my opinion... I think Max is a good kid who made a big mistake, but I truly believe that he's learned from it. And I think he really does love your daughter... And deserves a second chance.
JANE: Bingo! Bingo! Ha ha!
[Maria comes in and calls Liz to the kitchen]
MARIA: Night from hell! Night from hell!
LIZ: What's up?
MARIA: Michael's up. Very up. Come here.
[As they enter Liz's room, Michael is floating over the bed]
LIZ: oh, my god!
MARIA: Shh. Shh. Shh. Look, his senses are super, super heightened, so, if the lights are too bright, or if he hears anything really loud, it really, really hurts.
MICHAEL: Like your whispering is doing right now.
[Isabel and Kyle enter the party]
KYLE: This is a college. This is a college party at a frat house. Why am i here?
ISABEL: Because you need to set your sights a little higher than high school.
KYLE: But I am in high school.
ISABEL: Yes, but they don't know that.
KYLE: That's true.
ISABEL: Yeah. Ok, so pick one.
KYLE: Ooh, how 'bout her? How 'bout her?
ISABEL: Ok, that's Sally Reynolds. She's in my philosophy class. Not your type. She's a nihilist. Would never get your sense of humor.
KYLE: How 'bout those 2 brunettes over there?
ISABEL: Ok, that one right there is Kim Langstrom. She's actually really very nice, but she's got a laugh like breaking glass. The other one, Bernadette Tahoe-
GIRL: hey-
ISABEL: yeah, she's dumb as a fence post and only likes girls.
KYLE: Well, there's gotta be someone.
ISABEL: Oh, oh! You see that girl right there talking to the jock, who knows that everything he's telling her is total crap?
KYLE: Yeah, yeah.
ISABEL: That's bitsy.
KYLE: Bitsy?
ISABEL: Yeah, I know, she's got a stupid name. Trust me, Kyle, she's the girl of your dreams.
[Girl laughs loudly]
ISABEL: yeah, breaking glass. Ok, let's go meet her. Just be cool. Bitsy, I want you to meet a friend of mine, Kyle.
BITSY: Hi, nice to meet you.
KYLE: Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
[Back at Liz's house, Max is still trying to help Michael]
MAX: how's that?
MARIA: Is he gonna live?
MAX: I think he's past the rough stuff. We should leave him be for a few minutes. Think anyone'll notice if I duck into the bathroom? Go for it.
LIZ: My dad's still calling bingo.
Mr. Parker: Ok, this is for the big money. Comin' down, comin' down, and it is...
MARIA: What a great New Year's eve.
LIZ: I know. Did you have any luck finding enigma?
MARIA: No.
LIZ: Well, you still have plenty of time.
MARIA: But what's the point? My evening's set. I mean, I'm just gonna be stuck here baby-sitting a drunken alien.
LIZ: You know, he didn't mean to ruin everything. I know.
[Michael can hear Marian and Liz talking]
MARIA: And anyway, it's my fault for inviting him, but it's just, like, we keep doing this dance. It's like we're dating, we're together, then we're not together, but it's like we're still together. Nothing ever changes.
[Traffic loud in head]
LIZ: maybe you don't really want anything to change.
MARIA: Maybe. Or maybe neither one of us is strong enough or crazy enough to break the cycle.
Mr. Parker: Meteor 26. Meteor 26.
MARIA: Is my life really gonna be like this from now on? I mean, every-- no matter what I do or say, I just somehow get roped back into an alien crisis? I can't even get one night off to find a stupid party.
[Back at the college Party, Isabel and Kyle are talking to Bitsy]
KYLE: And then the quarterback said, "throw me the chicken," and I did.
ISABEL: Ha ha ha! He's hilarious. I told you he's hilarious. No, but really, Kyle, you've changed since then. Kyle's a Buddhist now. It's really inspirational.
KYLE: Wanna talk religion?
BITSY: Ok, but tell me you're not just some guy with a fat Buddha statue who prays to get laid on Friday night.
KYLE: No, I do--I do have a statue. I do. And I do pray on Friday nights sometimes, yes.
BITSY: And you're honest.
KYLE: I try.
BITSY: You succeed.
KYLE: Is that good?
BITSY: Very.
ISABEL: Ok, I'm gonna go get some drinks. You guys want anything?
BITSY: I'm ok.
KYLE: Me, too.
ISABEL: Ok, I'll be back whenever.
KYLE: Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. I just--I just wanted to say thanks for, you know.
ISABEL: My pleasure.
BITSY: Isabel's nice.
KYLE: Yeah, yeah. She is, she is.
[Back at the Crashdown]
MAX: I'm gonna head back to the school for a second.
LIZ: Why?
MAX: Something about that clue in the bar keeps bugging me.
MARIA: Max, would you drop the act already?
MAX: It's not an act.
Mr. Parker: Liz, it's almost 10:30.
LIZ: Uh--sorry, sorry, dad. I'll be right there.
Mr. Parker: Hey, Max?
MAX: Yeah?
Mr. Parker: Where you goin'? What kind of boyfriend isn't with his girl at midnight? Don't you have any class? Tick-tock.
JIM: Here we go. 10, 9...
ALL: 8, 7, 6... 5, 4, 3... 2, 1... Happy New Year!
[All cheer]
ALL: (singing) Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Should old acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne? For auld lang syne?
[Max is helping the people leave the diner]
JANE: Come on, Max, let's get a move on. I gotta make a phone call at midnight, and I ain't gonna be late.
MAX: Yes, ma'am.
LIZ: Oh, Maria, come on. You don't have to do that.
MARIA: What's the point? I'm stuck here, anyway, so-
MICHAEL: hey, Maria?
MARIA: What are you doing up? You shouldn't be up.
MICHAEL: Can I talk to you in the back for a minute?
Mr. Parker: Lizzy, that's good enough. I can finish up.
LIZ: What are you talking about, dad? The place is a mess.
Mr. Parker: That's ok. I can take care of it. Why don't you, um... Why don't you 2 go out and have a real New Year's?
LIZ: Dad.
Mr. Parker: Well, I put a resolution on the cactus. It said, "give second chances."
[Michael and Maria are talking]
MICHAEL: I'm fine, all right? I want you to get back out there and find enigma.
MARIA: Where is this coming from?
MICHAEL: You're being way too self-sacrificing. I want you to have a night off from all this alien crap. You know, we keep doing this dance, and-
MARIA: you heard me and-- you heard me and Liz from all the way up there?
MICHAEL: Maria, you were right. Someone's gotta break the cycle. We're not together, that's fine. We're still friends, and friends can go their separate ways to have a good time on New Year's eve. I want you to go out there and find enigma.
LIZ: Well, you see, the thing is, I-- I also put a resolution on the cactus. It said, "remember that your parents won't always be there."
MAX: So, you want to stay.
LIZ: Well, yeah, 'cause Crashdown New Year's-- it's like this, um-- this family tradition. I think my dad deserves one night a year. I'm sorry. I know we promised that we'd be together at midnight.
MAX: We were... At Crashdown midnight.
LIZ: Yeah, I guess that counts.
MAX: Listen, I'll, uh, I'll stay, too. You know, just help you clean up.
LIZ: You--you--you really want to go to enigma, don't you?
MAX: Well...
LIZ: My god, look at you.
MAX: Yeah, I just don't want to go by myself.
MARIA: Heh heh heh. Who still wants to find a party?
LIZ: Oh, I think that might be this guy right here.
MARIA: Oh, Max, the chaperone thing, really, it's getting old and it's just completely unnecessary right now.
MAX: All right, that's it. I'm going to that party. Wish me luck.
LIZ: Good luck.
MAX: Let's go. Party train's leaving.
MARIA: Is he serious?
LIZ: Very. Oh, wait, what happened with Michael?
MARIA: Uh, he, uh, gave me the night off.
LIZ: Ooh, good for you. Is he ok?
MARIA: Yeah, he's fine.
[Horn honks]
MARIA: I can't believe I'm going to enigma! You don't mind?
LIZ: No--rent my boyfriend for the evening? Go ahead.
MARIA: Ok. Bye. Thanks. Bye.
[Kyle and Isabel put the car back]
ISABEL: You're sure you're not disappointed?
KYLE: Aw, what are you talking about? I got the girl's phone number.
ISABEL: Yeah, but you wanted to get laid.
KYLE: Look, I got a college girl's phone number. I'm way ahead of the game.
ISABEL: And you gotta know when to hold 'em and...
KYLE: Know when to fold 'em.
ISABEL: Know when to walk away...
KYLE: Know when to run
KYLE: hey, thanks. I--I had a really good time.
ISABEL: Yeah, me, too. But you know, the night is not over yet.
KYLE: It's not?
ISABEL: No. It's over an hour till midnight.
KYLE: Ok. Well, then, what do you want to do?
ISABEL: How much do you love me?
[Kyle imagines kissing Isabel]
KYLE: Oh, oh, oh! Rudolph's shiny New Year?
ISABEL: Please?
KYLE: Oh, the sacrifices I make for my friends.
ISABEL: Thank you. You're the best.
KYLE: Don't be a complete idiot.
[Max and Maria are back at the chalkboard looking at clues]
MAX: So, all we know for sure is that 7 does not stand for Dave Lambert's jersey number.
MARIA: Zero, 24, 7, zero.
MAX: What if it's a math puzzle? I mean, if we assume that the zeros are place-holders for integers that--
[gasps]
MARIA: oh! 24/7. It's so simple, it's painful!
[Maria and Max arrive at Bud's 27/7]
MAX: This feels like the right place.
MARIA: Hey, have you found any clues?
MAN: No, not yet. Hey, is that Max Evans?
MAX: Yeah. Uh, Daryl, right?
MAN: Yeah. So, what are you doin', man?
MAX: What do you mean?
MAN: I mean, out...At night. On New Year's eve?
MAX: I'm looking for a party.
MAN: Right.
MARIA: Max! Psst! I think I found one of the clues, but I don't know what it means.
MAX: Where? It's right behind me.
MAX: The flyer?
MARIA: It's not a real flyer. So, one of these specials must be the clue. Blue moon quesedilla. There's no such thing. But what does that mean?
MAX: Blue moon quesedilla. Blue moon...Blue... Blue Moon canyon.
[Gasps]
MARIA: that's it! Ok... Let's walk back to the car nice and easy, like we haven't found a thing.
[Back atht he Crashdown, Michael is on the floor as Liz walks in]
LIZ: Michael. Michael! Michael, are you-- are you ok?
MICHAEL: I fell off the couch. Keep your voice down.
LIZ: I thought you told Maria that you were ok.
MICHAEL: I lied.
LIZ: Easy!
MICHAEL: Ok. My whole body is like one big bruise.
Mr. Parker: What the hell?!
LIZ: Dad, can you help us?
Mr. Parker: What happened?
LIZ: He just drank too much.
Mr. Parker: Well, let's get him upstairs.
LIZ: Yeah, just put him in my bed, and I'll sleep down here.
MICHAEL: Oh, my head!
[Maria and Max are looking for the party]
MARIA: You should have seen him standing there all brave and noble. It was enough to make you fall in love with him all over again.
MAX: Yeah, well, I have to live with him. That's enough.
MARIA: Are you sure we're on Juarez road?
MAX: Positive.
MARIA: Then where's the turn-off to blue moon canyon?
MAX: Another 3 or 4 miles.
[Isabel and Kyle are falling asleep on the couch]
KYLE: Isabel?
ISABEL: Hmm?
KYLE: It's 5 seconds till midnight.
ISABEL: Mm. Happy New Year.
KYLE: Happy New Year, Isabel.
[The Parker's are putting Michael to bed, as Maria and Max are walking towards the party]
LIZ: Oh, oh. Wait, wait!
MAX: So, are you ready?
MARIA: I've been thinking about this my whole life. I am so ready.
[The next morning, Jesse comes home to find Kyle and Isabel on the couch. Liz and Michael are talking in the diner]
MICHAEL: You won't tell Maria?
LIZ: What, that you slept in my bed? No, as long as you promise not to tell Max.
MICHAEL: Deal.
[Kyle, Jesse and Isabel come into the diner]
ISABEL: Hi.
LIZ: Hey, Jesse. Hey, how was Houston?
JESSE: Cold and uncomfortable. Spent the night in the airport.
LIZ: What? You're kidding.
JESSE: Yeah, I wish I was. New year's eve, all alone, and then I come home to find my wife asleep with another man.
LIZ: What?
KYLE: Morality has no place on New Year's eve. I saw an opportunity, and I took it.
ISABEL: The lesson is, never leave me alone. Ever.
JESSE: Lesson learned.
KYLE: So, I assume nobody found that enigma thing, right?
MICHAEL: I wouldn't be too sure of that.
MAX: and MARIA: (singing)I feel so alive for the very first time and I can't deny you...
KYLE: You found it? I don't believe it.
MARIA: Oh, yes, we found it, closed it, did it!
MICHAEL: That's unbelievable.
LIZ: Tell us everything.
MARIA: Ok, well, first we-- we go all the way back to the classroom for clues.
KYLE: It was at the falafel hut, right?
MAX: The what?
MICHAEL: Let her tell the story.
MARIA: Thank you, Michael. Anyway, as i was saying-- hi.
MR. PARKER: The kitchen is open. Orders?
[The gang orders food as the scene fades out]
End of show | Plan: A: a secret party; Q: What do the gang search for on New Year's Eve? A: Liz's father; Q: Who forces Liz to host a party for senior citizens? A: the Crash Down; Q: Where does Liz host a party for senior citizens? A: an unlikely ally; Q: Who does Liz meet at the party? Summary: On New Year's Eve, most of the gang search for a secret party while Liz's father forces her to help host a party for senior citizens at the Crash Down, where she meets an unlikely ally. |
[ Amy's laboratory ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Sheldon: I've invented a science joke, would you like to hear it?
Amy: Sure.
Sheldon: How many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Amy: How many?
Sheldon: Who cares? He stole the idea and doesn't deserve his own joke.
Amy: Is that really true?
Sheldon: Of course, that's how you know it's a good joke. It not only entertains, it informs.
Barry: Hey, sowwy to intewupt.
Sheldon: Uh, Barry, uh, how many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Barry: Did you know Edison didn't actuawy invent the wight bulb?
Sheldon: What do you want, Barry?
Barry: Just wanted to dwop this off as a wittle thank you for Amy.
Amy: What's this for?
Barry: Your idea weawy hewped me out. My wight-cone quantization paper's onwine alweady. The wesponse has been amazing.
Amy: Well, that's fascinating. I can't wait to read it.
Sheldon: Oh, no, me as well. Uh, please e-mail it to Sheldon at bazinga dot biz. Why dot biz? Because I just gave you the business. And also bazinga dot com was taken.
Barry: Anyway, thanks again. Cooper, suck eggs.
Sheldon: Since when do you help out Barry Kripke?
Amy: Well, I'd been thinking about a cellular automata approach to neuronal connectivity, and I thought it might have some interesting applications to string theory, it's not a big deal.
Sheldon: Oh, really? When I was doing string theory and hit a dead end, why didn't you try to help me?
Amy: I did. You said the only math biologists know is if you have three frogs and one hops away, that leaves two frogs.
Sheldon: That's pretty funny, that does sound like me. But that doesn't mean that you should be standing on street corners handing out your math to whatever guy comes along.
Amy: Sheldon, we're all scientists. I helped out a fellow colleague. You're being petty.
Sheldon: I'm being petty? You know Barry and I have a professional rivalry. You heard him, he told me to suck eggs. If we were friends, he would have suggested I suck something more pleasant. Why are you laughing? Did you learn something?
[SCENE_BREAK]
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ ♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ ♪ Bang! ♪
Original Air Date on February 19, 2015
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Howard and Bernadette's apartment ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Howard (on phone): Okay, Ma. Say hi to Aunt Gladys. Yeah, I love you, too. Bye.
Bernadette: Your mom having fun in Florida?
Howard: Mmm, she loves it. She finally found a place where everyone talks about how sweaty they are. Anyway, she wants us to go to the house and check in on Stuart because he might be lonely.
Bernadette: She's just being nice.
Howard: Well, I'm her son, how come she doesn't send someone to check on me if I'm lonely?
Bernadette: Because you have a wife.
Howard: Yeah, well, sometimes you work late.
Bernadette: I know you don't like Stuart being in the house, but the store's about to reopen, I'm sure he'll get back on his feet.
Howard: That would be great. I'd love for things between me and Mom to get back to normal.
Bernadette: Well, normal's a strong word, but sure.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The laundry room ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Penny: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: You okay?
Sheldon: If I was okay, I would've said hello, and not the much more ominous hello.
Penny: What's going on?
Sheldon: I'm mad at Amy.
Penny: Did she leave pit stains in your favourite crop top, too?
Sheldon: No. She helped Barry Kripke make an advancement in string theory.
Penny: Oh, that sounds like a good thing.
Sheldon: Well, it would be, except that I left string theory because I decided it was a dead end. Yeah, and then she went behind my back to help someone else prove me wrong. My rival, no less. I'm sorry you had to see that.
Penny: I'm sorry I didn't have a camera.
Sheldon: Why would she do this to me?
Penny: Well, I'm sure she didn't upset you on purpose. Besides, aren't you the one who says there's nothing more important than the advancement of science?
Sheldon: No, I said there's nothing more important than me advancing science.
Penny: All right, well, if I'm understanding this right, and all she did was help out another scientist, I'm thinking you might have to let this one go.
Sheldon: Ugh, let it go. I have heard that my whole life. Every time something upsets me somebody says, let it go, you know, like it's my fault, and it's not okay to feel the way I feel.
Penny: I don't know what to tell you. I mean, why don't you talk to her?
Sheldon: Is that all you have? Shopworn tidbits like talk to her and let it go? Gee, Penny, life's giving me lemons. What should I do?
Penny: Well, you could shove them somewhere.
Sheldon: Okay, now you're getting creative.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The comic book store ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Stuart: Thanks again for your help.
Leonard: No problem.
Raj: Our pleasure.
Leonard: The place really looks great.
Raj: Yeah, you should have burned it down years ago.
Stuart: I keep telling you I didn't burn it down.
Leonard: We know, we know, because burning something down for the insurance money is a crime.
Bernadette: Stuart, this place looks amazing.
Stuart: Thanks.
Howard: You really did a nice job.
Stuart: And thank you for putting up with me staying at your mom's through all this. I couldn't have done it otherwise.
Howard: I appreciate that, and I'm glad you were able to... is that my mother's furniture?
Stuart: Yeah, she said I could use it. Doesn't it look great?
Howard: Not as great as it looks in the den where it belongs.
Bernadette: Howie.
Howard: Why don't you just clean out the whole room? Take the string art clown I made her in third grade and the ribbon I got in swim class for putting my face in the water.
Stuart: What is your problem? She said it was okay.
Howard: Well, I'm her son, and I say it's not okay.
Stuart: Some son, looks like you spent ten minutes on that clown art.
Howard: Well, maybe I should've gone to a fancy art school like you. Then I could run a failed comic shop and mooch off some guy's mother.
Bernadette: Why don't we leave so you can cool off?
Stuart: I think that's a good idea. Take him out of my store.
Howard: Your store? My mother gave you the money to reopen. I'm not going anywhere.
Leonard: Why don't we go get the food for the party.
Stuart: Thank you.
Raj: Smart, looks like we're being helpful.
Leonard: Mmm, when really we're just exiting an uncomfortable situation.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Penny's apartment ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Sheldon: Kripke, you know, of all the people, Barry Kripke. I'm so... Are you folding that like a crazy person to get me to do it for you?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Oh, give me that. Just out of curiosity, if I were to let something go, how would I do that?
Penny: I don't know, just think about something else.
Sheldon: Can I think about the spiny anteater?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: The spiny anteater never went behind my back and worked with Barry Kripke. That didn't help at all.
Penny: You know, some people try visualization.
Sheldon: How does that work?
Penny: Okay, imagine your problems are a pen.
Sheldon: Okay.
Penny: Now imagine you're holding that pen.
Sheldon: Okay.
Penny: Now open your hand and let it go.
Sheldon: But I just got this pen. It's got my initials on it and everything. Look.
Penny: Sheldon, this isn't that hard.
Sheldon: I may have a better way that you can teach me.
Penny: How?
Sheldon: What if I told you that over the past few months Amy has secretly been giving you little puzzles to test your intelligence against chimpanzees in her lab?
Penny: What? She didn't give me any puzzles.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Amy (in flashback): Boy, I just can't seem to get these scissors back together. Can you do it?
Amy (in flashback): Darn it. There's something in my eye, and I need to sort these coins by size. Can you help?
Amy (in flashback): Penny? I really want to eat this banana, but it's stuck inside this bamboo puzzle box.
Penny: Son of a bitch.
Sheldon: Okay, that's great. Now, let it go.
Penny: I can't believe you were testing me against a chimp.
Sheldon: Well, excuse me, Amy was testing you. I was rooting for you. Good job on that banana box, by the way.
Penny: Why would she even do this?
Sheldon: She's been conducting an experiment on apes where they're given various puzzles to solve. I was surprised at the complexity of the puzzles and thought some humans wouldn't be able to solve them. That's when Amy said, want to make this interesting?
Penny: Make this interesting? You bet money on me?
Sheldon: No, no. We designed an experiment involving you. See? Now, isn't that interesting?
Penny: It's not interesting. It's incredibly insulting.
Sheldon: Okay, maybe this will help. Imagine you're holding a pen. Before you go too far, not a special pen with your initials engraved on it, that'll make the next part really hard.
Penny: Oh, my, that's it. Get out.
Sheldon: I don't understand why you're mad at me. You should be mad at Amy. Like I was this afternoon. Hey, look at that, I let it go.
Penny: Get out.
Sheldon: Penny?
Penny: What?
Sheldon: I think I left my pen in there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The comic book store ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Bernadette: I understand why you're upset, but he worked really hard to get the store ready. And it's just furniture.
Howard: It's my mom's furniture. It belongs in the house I grew up in, next to that pile of TV Guides and in plain view of what, for a ten-year-old, was a quality piece of string art.
Bernadette: Howie, if the store succeeds, Stuart has a source of income, and he can move out of your mother's house. Seems like some old furniture is a reasonable price to pay for that.
Howard: That is a good point. But I didn't marry you for good points. I married you to blindly support me no matter how ridiculous I'm being.
Bernadette: This is why I had to rewrite our wedding vows.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ A deli ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Leonard: Hi, we're here to pick up an order for Comic Center.
Waitress: Sure, let me go check on that.
Raj: Dude, I, I think that's Nathan Fillion.
Leonard: Oh yeah, look at that.
Raj: And he's picking the tomatoes out of his salad just like I do. I always did feel a connection with him. Oh, I have got an idea.
Leonard: We're not selling his tomatoes on eBay.
Raj: No, if we got Captain Reynolds from Firefly to do a signing at Stuart's store, that would be amazing.
Leonard: That would be great.
Raj: So should we go talk to him?
Leonard: I don't know. I mean, if he's not nice, it's gonna make it hard for me to watch him in anything again.
Raj: What? The, the guy who plays Jon Snow was a jerk. We still watch Game of Thrones.
Leonard: He was a jerk because you rear-ended him.
Raj: I was distracted. It's weird seeing a member of the Night's Watch with a kayak strapped to his car. Come on. Hi, excuse me, s, sorry, I, I don't mean to bother you, but we're just really big fans of Firefly. And Dr. Horrible.
Nathan Fillion: Oh, uh, I think you made a mistake. I'm not an actor.
Raj: Don't say that. I mean, you're not Dame Judi Dench, but you're pretty great.
Nathan Fillion: Oh, yeah, I get it, you think I'm Nathan Fillion, but I'm not. So if you don't mind, I would just love to eat my lunch.
Leonard: Come on. Sorry to bother you.
Raj: Don't know why he's so grumpy. I got mistaken for that guy in Life of Pi once, and I'm still floating.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The hallway ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Amy: Sheldon, it's me.
Penny: Oh, hey. Did you see that? I, I figured out how to open the door all by myself. Maybe I'll fling some faeces around my cage to celebrate.
Amy: What are you talking about?
Penny: I know you've been giving me secret puzzle tests.
Amy: Sheldon, open the door.
Sheldon: I can't. I'm naked.
Amy: I just saw you.
Sheldon: Hang on.
Penny: Open the door now.
Amy: Oh, hey.
Penny: Pull up your pants.
Amy: It's not a big deal. I run tests like this on undergrads all the time. If you fill out some paperwork at the university, I can get you five dollars.
Penny: I don't want five dollars. I want my dignity.
Amy: So what are we talking, like, ten bucks?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The deli ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Leonard: Thank you.
Raj: Thanks.
Leonard: Sorry again.
Nathan Fillion: No problem.
Raj: Are you sure you're not him? Uh, you can tell us. We're scientists, not crazy fanboys.
Nathan Fillion: All right, fine. I'm him.
Raj: And you're eating alone at a deli. I don't buy it, you're not him.
Nathan Fillion: I just wanted to eat my lunch in peace. But I really am him. And thank you very much for being a fan. If you want, uh, let's take a picture.
Leonard: That would be great.
Raj: Great.
Leonard: Yeah, thank you.
Nathan Fillion: You bet.
Raj: Wait, hang on. If you're really Nathan Fillion, what's the line from Firefly about your bonnet?
Nathan Fillion: I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.
Leonard: That's it, that's the line.
Raj: Although, I knew the line, doesn't make me Nathan Fillion.
Nathan Fillion: Do you want the picture or not?
Raj: I want a picture with Nathan Fillion.
Nathan: How about a picture with a guy who looks like Nathan Fillion but a little more annoyed than Nathan Fillion usually is?
Leonard: What do you think?
Raj: Ah, it's good enough for Facebook.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The comic book store ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Leonard: I can't believe they did that.
Penny: I know, it's so insulting. At one point, they had me figure out how to get a banana out of a puzzle box.
Leonard: Wait, Sheldon gave me a banana in a box. He was testing me, too.
Penny: Unbelievable.
Leonard: And how could a chimp even solve that? That was impossible.
Penny: Really? You couldn't get it out?
Sheldon: Thank you.
Amy: Wow, the store looks great.
Leonard: So you guys were testing us both? What is the matter with you?
Penny: Eh, what's the matter with them is they think they're so smart they don't care if they hurt other people's feelings.
Amy: That's not true.
Sheldon: That sounds like us. I still don't understand why you're upset. You solved every puzzle faster than all of the chimps.
Amy: Well, except Barnabas, but he was on Adderall.
Howard: I'm sorry, but it's making me crazy.
Bernadette: Can you please just let it go?
Sheldon: Oh, I can help you with that. Imagine you're holding an ordinary pen. While your favourite pen is safe and secure in your pocket.
Howard: Hold that thought. (On phone) Hello?
Amy: How can I make this up to you?
Penny: The answer's in this puzzle box. Let's see if you can open it.
Stuart: You could have at least warned him about the furniture.
Raj: That's what I said when we moved it.
Bernadette: You helped him?
Raj: No, Stuart picked out those throw pillows all on his own.
Leonard: Hey, you okay?
Howard: No.
Leonard: What's wrong?
Howard: My mom died.
Bernadette: What?
Howard: Uh, that was my aunt. Ma took a nap. She never woke up.
Bernadette: Oh, my God, Howie.
Leonard: I'm so sorry.
Raj: What can we do?
Howard: I don't know.
Sheldon: May I say something?
Leonard: Not right now, Sheldon.
Sheldon: But I think it would be comforting.
Leonard: Buddy.
Howard: No, it's okay. What?
Sheldon: When I lost my own father, I didn't have any friends to help me through it. You do.
Penny: I really thought he was gonna say let it go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The apartment ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Raj (on phone): Okay, thanks, Bernadette. Travel safe. Okay, bye. Well, they've booked a flight. They're heading to the airport now.
Penny: How's Howard holding up?
Raj: He's hanging in there.
Leonard: How are you doing, Stuart?
Stuart: Still can't believe she's gone. I mean, that woman took me in. If it wasn't for her, I, I would have been homeless.
Amy: One of us would have taken you in.
Stuart: Yeah, I don't recall any offers. But, you know what, uh, I, I'm glad it worked out the way it did because I got to know this wonderful person.
Raj: Yeah. Mrs. Wolowitz was pretty special. When I first moved to America, Howard was my only friend and she made me feel so welcome in her home. Which says a lot, because, those first few years, she thought I was the gardener.
Penny: Whenever I saw her, she'd say I was too skinny and try and feed me.
Amy: She did that to me, too.
Penny: Don't take this away from me.
Sheldon: I didn't care for her yelling. But now that I'm not going to hear it again, I'm sad.
Leonard: If you want, I can yell at you later.
Sheldon: It won't be as good.
Leonard: Let's have a toast. To Mrs. Wolowitz. A loving mother to all of us. We'll miss you. | Plan: A: Barry Kripke; Q: Who thanks Amy for helping him with his string theory? A: Sheldon; Q: Who reveals that Amy was secretly performing experiments on Penny and Leonard? A: Penny; Q: Who tells Sheldon to let it go? A: Leonard; Q: Who calls Mrs. Wolowitz a loving mother? A: a chimpanzee; Q: What did Amy compare Penny and Leonard to? A: a deli; Q: Where did Leonard and Raj run into Nathan Fillion? A: an actor; Q: What does Nathan Fillion deny he is? A: peace; Q: What does Nathan Fillion want to eat in? A: a picture; Q: What does Nathan Fillion offer to take with Leonard and Raj? A: questions; Q: What does Raj ask Nathan Fillion to verify his identity? A: his newly-renovated comic book store; Q: What has Stuart opened? A: Howard; Q: Who is upset that Stuart is using his mother's furniture? A: all arguments; Q: What does Howard's mother's death end? A: a family member; Q: What does Sheldon know how it feels to lose? A: Bernadette; Q: Who does Sheldon take to Florida to comfort Howard? A: toast Mrs. Wolowitz; Q: What do the gang do after Howard's mother dies? Summary: Barry Kripke stops by to thank Amy for helping him with her ideas on string theory, which bothers Sheldon because she never helped him out when he was working on it. He complains to Penny who tells him to "let it go". Instead, Sheldon reveals that Amy was secretly performing experiments on Penny and Leonard and comparing the results with those of a chimpanzee, infuriating Penny. Leonard and Raj run into Nathan Fillion at a deli, but he denies he is an actor so he can eat in peace. Later, he admits who he is and offers to take a picture with them. Raj, who now doubts whether he is the real Nathan Fillion, asks questions to verify his identity and annoys him. Stuart has opened his newly-renovated comic book store, which impresses everyone except Howard who finds him using some of his mother's furniture. However, all arguments end when Howard gets a call from Florida where his mother is visiting, and receives news that she died in her sleep. Everyone, including Sheldon who knows how it feels to lose a family member, goes to comfort Howard. After he and Bernadette leave for Florida, the rest of the gang remember and toast Mrs. Wolowitz, with Leonard calling her "a loving mother to all of us". |
Skyline: Red, yellow, and blue balloons fly over the city.
ACT ONE
Scene One - Frasier's apartment Roz, Martin, and Frasier are gathered around the dining table.
Roz: So what's the plan? Are we going to turn off the lights and jump out and yell "surprise!"
Frasier: Oh yes, Roz, let's startle a man who just had open-heart surgery.
Roz: Sorry, I can't get used to thinking of Niles as "sick."
Martin: Oh, Niles is great. All these exercises he's doing, he's going to be just as strong as he ever was.
Daphne, Niles, and Gertrude enter the front door.
Daphne: Here's the guest of honor.
Frasier: Niles, good to see you out and about!
Niles embraces Frasier, then Roz.
Roz: You look great!
Niles: Thank you! Thank you, I tell you it's good to be out after being cooped up in that apartment all week. Hello. [He pets Eddie.] I never thought I'd grow tired of reading Flaubert.
Gertrude: Oh please, he's been parked on his ass watching The Young and the Restless.
Frasier: Niles! Not the soaps! You can't be serious.
Niles: Well, I'm hardly hooked. They fascinate me as-as cultural artifact. I was just telling Gertrude: their use of stock figures is reminiscent of the commedia dell'arte. Yes, uh, Esther is Punchinello, Victor is Flavio, and Nikki - well, she's just the town pump.
Frasier laughs warmly.
Gertrude: Now do you see why I need my own telly, Daphne.
Daphne: [bitingly] You have your own telly in Manchester.
Roz brings in a tray.
Frasier: Here's champagne and sparkling cider for you, Niles. and help yourself to brunch whenever you're ready.
Martin: Word to the wise: stay away from the sausage.
Frasier: They're not sausages, Dad, they're "soysages." Niles is on a postoperative diet. We are trying to support him.
Martin: Oh, sorry. What about the bacon?
Frasier: [grinning] "Fake-un."
Martin samples it and winces.
Niles: Okay, everyone, I'd like to propose a toast. [they all rise] To my family and friends, your love and support have been overwhelming.
Daphne: Oh, Niles.
Niles: You know, during my operation, I was technically dead for several minutes.
Martin: Yes, we know son, you told us.
Niles: But, it gave me a fresh perspective on everything. It took a brush with death to remind me how lucky I am to be alive.
Frasier: Well done.
Niles: And Gertrude, thank you for giving up the guest bedroom so that I don't have to climb all those stairs.
Gertrude: Oh, no, I'm happy to sleep on that sofa bed with its hard metal frame.
Daphne: You have a nice soft bed in Manchester.
Niles: Oh, Daphne, it's okay. Her bracing honesty reminds me that I'm alive. You... you... oh, you! [He tightly embraces Gertrude.] You are a treasure to me. I cherish every day we're together.
Gertrude: Oh, thank you, Niles! There may be others around here who could benefit from a near-death experience.
The others are mystified by Niles's demeanor with Gertrude.
Frasier: Well, let's eat before the fake-un loses its shape. All go to the kitchen except Roz and Martin.
Roz: Wow! Niles is really loving life with a vengeance.
Martin: Yeah, I was the same way after I got shot. My first day back at the precinct I went around hugging all the guys telling them all I loved them.
Roz: How long did that last?
Martin: Until they started calling me "Martina."
Roz: It is kind of weird seeing Niles all lovey-dovey with Mrs. Moon.
Martin: Believe me, when you're in that state, you can find something to love even in the biggest jerk.
Niles: [from the table] Roz, I want to tell you, you are a treasure. Maybe I don't say it often enough, but you are.
Roz: [as Martin opens his mouth] Shut up, Martina!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Café Nervosa Roz is seated. Frasier enters carrying a CD and humming a familiar Mozart theme. He sits next to Roz.
Roz: Hi. I know that song.
Frasier: Yes, Mozart Symphony No. 40: Molto Allegro. I just bought this new recording for Niles. It is fantastic. I've never heard such string articulation.
Roz: Oh, I remember what it is! It's that commercial with the singing cats. [singing to the Mozart theme] "If your cat has a yearning for tuna, Da-da-da, Da-da Ocean Buffet, Da-da- da..." One of the cats was wearing a tiny tuxedo.
Frasier: Good! So few cats dress for the symphony anymore.
Niles and Daphne enter.
Daphne: Frasier, Roz.
Frasier: Oh, hi guys!
Daphne: Guess who just walked a mile on the treadmill?
Roz: Oh way to go, Niles!
Frasier rises and congratulates him.
Daphne: The doctor says he's in the 95th percentile of patients recovering from bypass surgery.
Frasier: 95th percentile! That's wonderful, Niles!
Niles: Well, now Frasier, good health is not a competition! When you've heard time's winged chariot hurrying here, as I have, every day is a gift. [noticing Frasier's CD] Oh, yoiks, what tone-deaf prankster gave you this?
Frasier: [taken aback, but controlled] You've...heard it?
Niles: Well, as much as I could bear. Did you hear what the conductor did to the Andante? I just hope he bought it dinner first.
Frasier: I couldn't agree more, Niles.
Roz: [shocked] Frasier, you said you loved that CD.
Frasier: Well, Niles has convinced my otherwise.
Daphne: You know, I'm in the mood for a scone. Help me pick one out.
Niles: All right. [they walk to the counter]
Roz: That was weird.
Frasier: I'll say. Who can't pick out their own scone?
Roz: No. I mean you and Niles. Usually that would have been a two-hour argument ending in tears and cursing in Italian.
Frasier: I'm afraid those days are over, Roz.
Roz: What happened?
Frasier: Well, it's a long story. Okay. When Niles was in the hospital and he was being wheeled into surgery [he shakes his head with foreboding] he looked so frail and vulnerable, so I... I took my case to a higher power.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The scene fades to the hospital as Niles is being wheeled away. Frasier is shown alone in the room, thinking. We hear his prayer.
Frasier: [v.o.] Hello, God. It's me, Dr. Frasier Crane. Though I don't talk to you as often as I should, I want to thank you for all the times you've indulged me in the past - although I have yet to see the inside of the Empire Club. Just kidding. Anyway, today I ask you to look after my brother Niles Crane. I love him, even if I don't always show it, and I regret all the time he and I have wasted in petty quarrels. If you spare him, Oh Lord, I promise to cherish every moment we have together.
CUT BACK TO: Café Nervosa:
Roz: But Frasier, you don't think God is going to strike Niles down if you get in an argument, do you?
Frasier: Well, technically, the way it's structured, he'd come after me, seeing as I was the one who initiated the deal, you see. If I'd had more time, I might have worded things differently, but...
Angle on Niles and Daphne at the counter.
Niles: Oh, oh, uh, let's get this to go. My soap starts in twenty minutes. Ashley might come out of her coma today.
Daphne: You know, since your recovery's going so well, maybe we should check you out, make sure all your equipment's working properly.
Niles: You're not talking about my exercise bicycle, are you?
Daphne: Mmm-mmm. The doctor said it would be OK. If you need a second opinion, maybe Nurse Naughty could make a house call.
Niles: I could use a checkup... but I think we should err on the Side of caution. In a few weeks, I have another stress test. [to the waiter] Thank you. And if all goes well, Nurse Naughty will be one satisfied health care professional.
They begin to walk out and pass Frasier and Roz.
Niles: See you.
Daphne: Bye.
Frasier: Bye guys.
Roz: Bye. Oh, Niles, wait. Frasier says the string articulation is really good.
Niles: In this? Frasier, you know I hold your opinion in highest regard, but are you nuts?
Frasier: Perhaps I am, Niles, thank you.
Niles: Maybe you just need to get your hearing checked.
Frasier: I'll do that. Thank you, Niles.
Niles: [loudly] I'll see you later!
Frasier feigns amusement and chuckles.
Frasier: Very amusing! I get it. Ha ha.
[SCENE_BREAK]
WEEKS LATER (AND ASHLEY'S STILL IN A COMA)
Scene Three - Frasier's apartment Niles and Frasier enter.
Niles: Oh, oh, here they are. Frasier, tell them what you told me.
Frasier: [glaring at Niles and forcing a smile] Freud is the poor man's Jung.
Martin and Daphne stare at each other in surprise.
Niles: I never thought I'd live to see the day. Perhaps this is why I was spared.
Daphne: Niles, how was your stress test?
Niles: Oh, uh, the doctor cleared me for normal food and-and regular physical activity.
Daphne: [embracing him excitedly] Oh, Darling, that's wonderful!
Niles: Yes, you know, in moderation, of course.
Martin: Congratulations, son.
Niles: Thanks.
Frasier: You know, perhaps now, Niles, we can get back to the squash courts.
Niles: Oh, I don't think so.
Frasier: But the doctor said it was OK.
Niles: Yes, but shouldn't there be more to life than competition for useless bragging rights?
Frasier: You didn't think they were useless three months ago when you won. You bragged for three months.
Niles: I've changed a lot since then. The point is that I have roses to stop and smell.
Frasier: I see, so let me get this straight. You're going to give up squash and smell roses.
Niles: Poor Frasier. I hope that you don't have to go through what I did in order to become as wise as I have.
Daphne: You can still be wise and play squash, darling.
Martin: Yeah, Daphne's right. Go out and have some fun.
Niles: But I am having fun! Since my incident, birds sing more sweetly. The sky is so much bluer.
Frasier: Niles, it has rained every day this week.
Niles: I see rain differently too.
Frasier: You know, there's something I need to tell you. It's something I've been thinking about...
At this point there is a loud thunderclap and lightning flash, which Frasier clearly interprets as a divine warning.
Niles: You were saying, Frasier?
Frasier: Nothing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
Scene Four - KACL Frasier is taking a call.
Grant: [v.o.] Hey, Dr. Crane. Well, my grandmother died a couple of weeks ago and I feel bad because I never told her how much she meant to me.
Frasier: Well, my heart certainly goes out to you. Grieving is Difficult enough without those unresolved...
Roz: Frasier, I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have Dr. Niles Crane on line two.
Frasier: [pausing] I'm sure you all remember my brother Niles from our last segment. [He forces a grin.] I'm sure all my listeners join me in hoping he can get back to work real soon.
Niles: [v.o.] Thank you, Frasier. I just thought I'd add the Perspective of one who has ducked the scythe of the Grim Reaper.
Frasier: [controlling himself] By all means, go ahead, Niles.
Frasier removes his headphones and rises.
Niles: [v.o.] Grant, your grandmother knows how you feel. When I was briefly dead, the overriding feeling I had was the love of my family and friends.
Frasier has moved to the corner, where an inflatable clown stands. He begins to forcefully punch the clown.
Grant: Wow! So I shouldn't feel bad?
Niles: Certainly not. Get out there and live your life, Grant. Carpe that diem. [Frasier has returned and replaced his headphones.] Isn't that right, Frasier?
Frasier: I couldn't agree more, Niles. We'll be right back after traffic.
Frasier cuts off the talk line and rises. He gives a couple more punishing blows to the inflated clown.
Roz: I'm beginning to regret betting on the clown.
Frasier: Roz, I can't eat. I can't sleep. I just lie awake in bed at night mentally arguing with Niles. [He throws the clown back in its corner.] And I win every time!
Roz: Frasier, this is insane. Do you really think something bad is going to happen if you break your deal with God?
Frasier: Oh, of course not. Well, maybe a little. I don't know. Roz, my brother could have died. I can't be ungrateful to whatever higher power may have spared him.
Roz: I just can't imagine that God would be upset...
Frasier: Oh, he's God, Roz! Have you read the Old Testament? He can be ruthless!
Roz: Traffic's done. You're on in five. [She rushes back to her booth.]
Frasier: [replacing his headphones] Welcome back, Seattle. Oh, I see we have someone on line two. Go ahead, caller, I'm listening.
Niles: [v.o.] Still me, Frasier. Say, I had some thoughts about your advice to Cynthia from Tacoma...
Frasier again removes his phones and rises.
Niles: Speaking as one who has walked through the valley of the shadow of death, Cynthia, I think diets and exercise should take care of your problem. Nothing like a good fat-free muffin to send you on your way...
In the course of the above, Frasier wrestles the clown to the ground and pummels it mercilessly. He reaches up and grabs the phone receiver, using it to administer even more blows to the unfortunate inflatable toy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Five - Niles and Daphne's apartment Frasier has knocked at the door. Daphne answers.
Frasier: Hi, Daph, I'm here for Niles.
Daphne: He's at your place. He said you were meeting him there for dinner.
Frasier: Well, I specifically told him I would pick him up here. Ah...
Daphne: Sorry.
She moves to the coffee table, where she is placing cans in a box.
Frasier: It's not bad enough he usurps my radio show... What are you doing?
Daphne: Oh, you'll think I'm silly, but I'm donating food to the poor.
Frasier: Why would I think that's silly? What does that say about me?
Daphne: No, I was just going to say...
Frasier: I do my bit for charity, you know. You have no idea how many vacations I've bought at silent auctions.
Daphne: No, that's not it. You see, when I found out Niles needed heart surgery I felt so scared and helpless, so I kind of made a vow that if he came out okay I would spend more time helping the less fortunate.
Frasier: A vow? You mean, like a promise to God?
Daphne: Yeah, I know, it must sound absurd to you, a man of science.
Frasier: No! No, now when exactly did you make this promise?
Daphne: The night before his surgery.
Frasier: The night before, you say. [He ponders.] Interesting. You say Niles is at my place?
Daphne: Yeah.
Frasier: Excuse me. Keep up the good work.
He exits. Daphne continues to assemble cans. Gertrude enters.
Gertrude: Oh, what's all this?
Daphne: Food for the poor.
Gertrude: Oh, it must be nice to be poor and have people just giving you food.
Daphne takes this in with mild shock and shakes her head.
Gertrude: Daphne, you were up awfully late last night.
Daphne: Yeah, I was watching television.
Gertrude: Were you? Or was that husband of yours sneaking upstairs to demand you perform your wifely chore?
Daphne: I wish. He's still not ready to be in the same bed with me.
Gertrude: He's rich, and you don't have to sleep with him. Rub it in, why don't you?
They sit down on the couch.
Daphne: I know he's trying to ease back into things, but it's been weeks since the doctor said he was okay.
Gertrude: Well, isn't it obvious? The poor thing's probably not feeling very attractive. I mean, he's all skinny and pale, and now he has that scar, too.
Daphne: I don't think that's it, Mum. I just think he's scared and I understand that. But how long are we going to go on like this?
Gertrude: Until you stop babying him.
Daphne: I'm not babying him. I'm just giving him the time he needs.
Gertrude: Oh, piffle. What he needs is a swift kick in the bum. Look, you've got to seduce him. Use your feminine wiles. That's how your brother Billy landed Kevin.
Daphne: [nodding] Well, sharing a cell helped. You know, maybe I'll give that a try. When Niles walks into that guest room tonight, I'll have a surprise waiting for him - candles, soft music, a negligée... nothing too sexy, we don't want to strain his heart.
Gertrude: Well, there's nothing wrong with your ego.
Daphne: Thanks for the advice, Mum.
Gertrude: My pleasure, love. And since you and Niles will be in the guest room, I'll sleep in your room tonight. No sense in letting that king-sized bed go to waste.
Daphne: This time, use a coaster when you take your teeth out.
Gertrude heads upstairs.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Six - Frasier's apartment Niles and Martin are watching the soap on tape.
Martin: Stop the tape. Who's he again?
Niles: That's Diego, the illegitimate son of Sonia LaFontaine. He joined the army to avenge the death of his brother, although I'm a little worried about him. I'm not sure he's fighting this war for the right reasons.
Martin: Hey, you want some of this fancy dessert? It must be really good because Frasier told me not to touch it.
Niles: No. No thanks, I brought some of these tasty rye flats in case I feel peckish.
[N.B. Niles pulls the "rye flats" in a ziploc bag out of what is clearly a fanny pack. This must be one of the ones he won in the first episode of the arc, "Bristle While You Work" [10.7], since he had no idea what a "fanny pack" was before this point.]
Martin: They look like wood! I thought your doctor cleared you to eat normal foods.
Niles: Well, uh, he did, but I feel my tastes have gotten simpler since I cheated death.
He takes a bite of the rye wafer and contorts his face as he struggles to force it down.
Niles: It's hard to explain.
Martin: Don't need to explain to me, son. I know what it's like to cheat death.
Niles: That's true, although I think I got a little closer than you did.
Martin: [offended] Oh, really? Well, let's see. I got shot by a gun, and you ate a bunch of cheese.
Niles: I was clinically dead for several minutes. I looked Death square in the eye.
Martin: Well, you might have looked him in the eye, but I shook his hand.
Niles: Really. Well I kissed him on the cheek.
Martin: Well, I kissed him on the lips. Also, Death was a girl.
Niles: Dad, I don't want to turn this into a competition. I'm just trying to embrace life to the fullest.
Martin: Oh, will you give it a rest!
Niles: Excuse me?
Martin: You haven't embraced a damn thing. All you're doing is yakking about feeling this and experiencing that. You're not doing anything. You won't go back to work or play squash or eat any of your favorite foods.
Niles: I'm just, I'm easing into things until I'm back to normal.
Martin: The doctor says you're there.
Niles: Well, I'm just being extra cautious.
Martin: Sounds to me like you're afraid, son.
Niles: Well, what if I am? Haven't I earned the right to be afraid? I could have died.
Martin: I understand.
Niles: Okay.
Martin: When I got out of the hospital, I was terrified to take a risk. I didn't want to leave the house. Ducked for cover every time a car backfired.
Niles: [pausing] I know my fears aren't rational. I know my heart is sound. I feel fine. But I felt fine before this happened. How do I know that the same thing isn't going to...
Martin: Well, you don't know! That's exactly what I came to realize. Life's a crap shoot. We could all go at any time. That's why we have to make the most of whatever time we've got.
Niles ponders this. Martin, to drive his point home, imitates Niles' pompous phraseology.
Martin: Like sand through the hourglass, so are the Days of Our Lives...
Niles: Okay, point taken.
He rises enthusiastically and taps Martin on the shoulder. He gets his coat and moves to exit.
Niles: Thank you, Dad!
Martin: Where you going?
Niles: To live my life!
Martin: You forgot the rye flats.
Niles: [with a sense of awakening] No, I didn't, Dad. No, I didn't.
Martin: Well, you're not leaving them here!
Niles retrieves the rye flats.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Seven - The elevator of Frasier's building A couple exits and Frasier enters the elevator, after which he is alone.
Frasier: Good evening. The elevator closes. Frasier takes a moment.
Frasier: Hello, God, it's me again. Dr. Frasier Crane. Listen, it seems that when we made our little arrangement, there was another deal in place. Now, I've had some experience with double-booking, and I know that the person who books first always gets priority. So, as long as Daphne keeps her end - which she is, to the letter - it seems our little arrangement would be rendered null and void. Ergo, I am now going to yell at my brother. [He beams.] Unless of course, you give me a sign.
He waits. There is no sign.
Frasier: Very well, then. This is going to be sweet.
Frasier laughs with joy. The elevator dings and opens. Niles is standing there, and Frasier storms out, primed to explode.
Frasier: Niles!
Niles: There you are! You're forty minutes late. Well, no matter, I have more important things to do.
He starts to pass Frasier.
Frasier: Not so fast, Mister! You, sir, have been insufferable for the past few weeks. It might enlighten you to know that your endless preaching has been nothing more than a thin cover for your fear...
Niles: Yes, I know. I know, I know. Dad just told me, and he was right. I've been an ass lately. I am really sorry, but I have to go. My wife is waiting for me.
He steps onto the elevator and pushes the button.
Niles: Frankly, Frasier, I'm surprised you didn't bring this up sooner.
Frasier: But...
The elevator closes with Niles inside and Frasier out. He looks heavenward, quite bemused.
Frasier: Huh... Well played, God. [He takes out his keys.] I'll see you at Easter.
He enters his apartment.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Eight - Niles and Daphne's apartment. It is dark. Niles runs inside, rapidly shedding his clothing as he rushes upstairs.
A pause. There is a piercing high-pitched scream.
Daphne comes out of the guest room wearing a sexy nurse costume, complete with garters and stockings. Niles runs downstairs, his shirt untucked and his tie still on.
Daphne: Niles! What happened? Niles is breathing very heavily. He takes in Daphne's costume.
Daphne: Are you all right?
Niles: Yes. I just jumped into bed with your mother.
Daphne: Oh, dear. No wonder she screamed.
Niles: That wasn't her.
Daphne: What were you doing in there?
Niles: I just... wanted to... take my wife into my arms and show her how much I love her.
Daphne: [excited] Are you sure you're ready?
Niles: Trust me. If my heart can take that, it can take anything.
In a burst of energy, Niles lifts Daphne with the intention of carrying her off. After a few steps it becomes too much and he gives up the effort, setting her down. They walk off holding hands.
[SCENE_BREAK]
END OF ACT TWO
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the studio, Frasier is getting ready for his show. He is bossing Roz around, showing her things that need to be done. She shows him a page of copy, and he corrects something and hands it back to her. There are several cardboard Chinese takeout containers on the table, and he directs her to get rid of them. Roz makes a gesture behind Frasier's back indicating her irritation. She goes into her booth. Frasier puts on his headphones and looks into Roz's booth. She is not there. Instead, his recent victim, the inflatable clown, is sitting in Roz's chair with her headphones on. | Plan: A: his operation; Q: What was Niles about to undergo when Frasier made a pact with God? A: Frasier; Q: Who made a pact with God to cherish all of their time together? A: renewed joie de vivre; Q: What does Niles emerge from hospital with? A: persists; Q: What does Niles do with his post-operative diet and physical restraint? A: the doctor; Q: Who gave Niles the all-clear? A: so much time; Q: How much time does Niles spend talking about his near-death experience? A: particularly Frasier; Q: Who does Niles' constant talk about his near-death experience annoy? A: arguments; Q: What does Niles refuse to get drawn into? A: fear; Q: What is the reason Niles refuses to engage in normal activities? A: a vengeful God; Q: What does Niles fear the wrath of? A: a similar pact; Q: What did Daphne make with God that supersedes Frasier's? A: her end; Q: What is Daphne holding up for Niles? A: their usual verbal sparring; Q: What does Frasier and Niles engage in after Daphne's pact with God is fulfilled? A: a talking-to; Q: What did Martin give to Niles to get him to resuming his normal activities? A: his normal activities; Q: What does Niles realize he's been holding back from resuming out of fear? A: his life; Q: What does Niles rush home to his wife ready to get back to? A: His heart; Q: What is put to the test when Niles accidentally climbs into bed with Gertrude? Summary: When Niles was in the hospital and about to undergo his operation, Frasier made a pact with God that, in return for Niles' safe passage, he would cherish all their time together. Niles emerges from hospital with renewed joie de vivre , although persists with his post-operative diet and physical restraint, even after the doctor gives him the all-clear, and this proves frustrating for Daphne. He also spends so much time talking about his near-death experience that it begins to annoy everyone else, particularly Frasier. However, he refuses to get drawn into arguments, fearing the wrath of a vengeful God. Once Frasier discovers that Daphne made a similar pact with God that supersedes his, and is holding up her end, he feels freed to re-engage Niles in their usual verbal sparring. It takes a talking-to from Martin to get Niles to realize that he's been holding back from resuming his normal activities out of fear, and he rushes home to his wife ready to get back to his life. His heart is put to the test when he accidentally climbs into bed with Gertrude, confirming that if he can survive her, he can survive anything. |
Moran: (O.C.): Private journal of Captain Jonathan Moran, 21st November 2119. We have located a craft of unknown origin on the lake floor. Visual scans in situ revealed nothing, so we have brought the craft on board and myself and the crew will now investigate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Main hangar ]
Moran: How did they miss this in the initial survey?
( Water runs )
Lunn: Cass says it was buried, and then the currents of the water must have shifted the rubble around.
Pritchard: A conversation needs to be had about who owns this spaceship.
Moran: Can we stop calling it a spaceship? We don't know what it is.
Pritchard: A case could be made that this is an asset, and my company has bought the rights to all assets...
Moran: Whoa, whoa. What's this? Lunn, grab me a torch, will you?
Moran: It was found on MOD property, even if that property is underwater.
Moran: What you bought is the oil under the ground. Lunn! Where's the torch?
Cass (Lunn translates): Can I go in?
Moran: What is the radiation count?
Bennett: Pretty much background level.
O'Donnell: Anything more, it would have shown up on the initial survey twenty years ago.
Lunn: If it's not safe, how come you can go in?
Cass (via Lunn): How long do you think it's been down here?
Bennett: Well, there's next to no corrosion. I've not seen technology like this...
Moran: Please don't say on Earth.
Bennett: On Earth before.
Moran: Maybe it's some kind of experimental craft that got left behind when they abandoned the site.
Bennett: Wait, you think the Army would just lose a prototype weapon?
Moran: You're new to the military, aren't you, son?
Lunn: Cass says he might be right. It might have been here since the 1980s, when the valley flooded.
Moran: Cass!
( Beeping )
Lunn: Come on! Move! Come on, we need to go now!
( Alarms blare )
Computer: Fire in the main hangar. Safety protocols have been initiated. All crew must evacuate immediately. This safety message was brought to you by Vector Petroleum.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
O'Donnell: We can't just leave him in there!
Pritchard: There was something in the spaceship, I saw it!
Bennett: O'Donnell. O'Donnell, he's dead. Didn't you see?
Lunn: The fire, are we safe out here?
Bennett: It's fine. The CO2 will put the fire out.
O'Donnell: It was you! You were messing about with the controls on that ship!
( She screams )
Bennett: Moran. But... we just saw you...
O'Donnell: He's... Oh, my God. He's a... ghost.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
( Metallic thrumming )
The Doctor: What's wrong? You're not happy. Why aren't you happy? Tell me.
Clara: (O.C.): Come on! we're on a roll!
Clara: Monsters, things blowing up. Oh, hey, can we go back to that place where the people with the long necks have been celebrating New Year for two centuries? I left my sunglasses there. And most of my dignity.
The Doctor: Why have you brought us here?
Clara: Here being...?
The Doctor: Underwater. Some sort of a base. The technology's twenty second century. Maybe military, maybe scientific.
Clara: Is there a crew?
The Doctor: Must be, somewhere, if there's oxygen.
Clara: I want another adventure. Come on, you feel the same. You're itching to save a planet, I know it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mess hall ]
Clara: Doctor, look at this.
The Doctor: Well. Looks like you got your wish.
Clara: Food fight?
The Doctor: I think there was more to it than that. Whatever it was, it happened pretty recently.
The Doctor: Seven or eight hours ago. No bodies, though.
Clara: And they took provisions. OK, so something or someone forced the crew to abandon the base. Maybe they went for a swim in the creepy flooded village outside...
Clara: Oh, yeah. You see, this is more like it.
Clara: Oh, come on. Don't leave me hanging.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
The Doctor: Look. Told you. Crew.
The Doctor: Hello, sailors!
( Ghostly whispering )
The Doctor: Right, I did not expect that. Hands up who expected that.
The Doctor: Wait, wait. I don't think they're going to hurt us. I think that they're just curious.
Clara: Are you sure?
The Doctor: Well, I mean, define sure. Look at you lovely chaps. What's happened to you, then?
The Doctor: Come on.
Clara: What are they?
The Doctor: I haven't a clue. Isn't that exciting?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Main hangar ]
Clara: Where did they go? What is it, some kind of submarine?
The Doctor: No, it's alien.
The Doctor: That's weird. The TARDIS hasn't translated it.
( Ghostly whispering )
Clara: Hey, look, they're back.
The Doctor: Hello! Did you want to show us this? It's very nice.
( They whisper )
Clara: Wait, are they saying something?
Clara: OK, they now appear to be arming themselves.
The Doctor: Yes, I spotted that, too.
The Doctor: Was it something she said? She does that. She once had an argument with Gandhi...!
Clara: I'm starting to see why the crew did a runner.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
( She shrieks )
Clara: Run!
O'Donnell: In here! Quick!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Faraday cage ]
The Doctor: What are you?
Pritchard: Who the hell are you, and what are you doing here?
The Doctor: This is Clara, and I'm the Doctor.
Pritchard: You're from UNIT.
The Doctor: Well, if that's what it says.
Pritchard: I'm Pritchard, this is Bennett.
O'Donnell: O'Donnell! Are you really the Doctor? I'm a huge fan! I mean, er, you know Nice work.
Lunn: Tim Lunn, I sign for Cass.
The Doctor: Tell me, what about those things out there? What are they? Why are they trying to kill us?
Bennett: Well, they're er, they're ghosts.
The Doctor: They're not ghosts.
Lunn: Cass is saying...
The Doctor: Thank you, but I actually don't need your help. I can speak sign. Go ahead.
( Soundless )
The Doctor: No, no, actually, I can't. It's been deleted for semaphore. Someone get me a selection of flags.
Cass (via Lunn): One of the ghosts is our previous commanding officer. The other, um moley guy, we don't know what he is.
The Doctor: He's from the planet Tivoli.
Bennett: See? I told you he was an alien. Didn't I say that?
The Doctor: Weird thing is, they're not violent. They're too cowardly. They wouldn't say boo to a goose. They're more likely to give the goose their car keys and bank details. When did they first appear?
O'Donnell: Oh, did you see that spaceship in the hangar? Yeah, we found that on the lake bed and we'd just got it on board and one of the engines started up and then Moran got... Moran was killed.
Cass (via Lunn): Then they appeared and pretty much straight away started trying to kill us. So we grabbed what we could and we were looking for somewhere to hide, and that's when we realised the ghosts couldn't come in here.
Clara: What is this place?
The Doctor: It's a Faraday cage. Completely impenetrable to radio waves, and apparently, whatever those things are out there. So, who's in charge now? I need to know who to ignore.
Cass (via Lunn): That would be me.
Lunn: Her.
Pritchard: Actually, that would be me.
Pritchard: I represent Vector Petroleum. We've obtained the mining rights to the oil.
The Doctor: The oil? Where are we?
Bennett: This used to be a military training site. There was a dam overlooking it, but the dam burst and the valley was submerged.
Pritchard: Then twenty years ago, we discovered a massive oil reservoir underneath it.
Computer: Good morning. Entering day mode.
O'Donnell: OK, it's morning. We can go outside now.
Lunn: Thank God for that.
Pritchard: At last, we can get out of here.
Clara: Morning?
Bennett: Yeah, we're too far below the surface for daylight, so we have to demarcate artificial days and nights.
The Doctor: I'd like to have a further look at that spaceship, but what about those things that aren't ghosts?
O'Donnell: Oh, it's all right. They only come out at night.
Clara: Weird how that is not comforting.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Main hangar ]
The Doctor: If whatever they are...
Pritchard: They're ghosts.
The Doctor: They're not ghosts. Have been trying to kill you, why haven't you abandoned the base?
Pritchard: That was my call. We've got about a trillion dollars worth of mining equipment here. We're not just going to abandon it What? If it all goes pear-shaped, it's not them that lose a bonus.
The Doctor: It's OK. I understand. You're an idiot. Come to mention it, why is there a Faraday cage on the base?
Bennett: It's the mining equipment. It runs on nuclear fission. The Faraday cage has been lined with lead to act as a shelter in the event of a radiation leak.
The Doctor: So, we are fighting an unknown homicidal force that has taken the form of your commanding officer and a cowardly alien, underwater, in a nuclear reactor. Anything else I should know? Someone got a peanut allergy, or something?
The Doctor: It all started with this ship. This is where the answer will be.
The Doctor: What's happened to the stuff you've removed? This is for long-haul flights. There should be a suspended-animation chamber for the pilot right here. Plus, one of the power cells is missing.
Pritchard: Power cell?
The Doctor: Yeah. You can see the casing is empty.
Lunn: It's not safe out here!
Clara: What's the matter?
Lunn: She won't let me look inside the spaceship. She says it's not safe. I'm saying it's not safe out here.
Pritchard: I imagine they're pretty valuable.
The Doctor: What?
Pritchard: I mean powerful. Those power cells. I imagine they're pretty powerful.
The Doctor: Well, they can zap a vessel from one side of the galaxy to the other, so, you know, take a wild stab in the dark.
Pritchard: And the missing one must still be out there.
The Doctor: Yes, well, otherwise. Sorry, why is this man still talking to me?
O'Donnell: We haven't removed anything. There hasn't been time.
The Doctor: So what have we got? Moran dies, and then those things appear. They can walk through walls. They only come out at night and they're sort of see-through.
Clara: Doctor, wait, you're not saying...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
The Doctor: They're ghosts! Yeah, ghosts...
Clara: You said there was no such thing. You actually pooh-poohed the ghost theory.
The Doctor: Yes, well, well, there was no such thing as, as socks or smartphones and badgers until there suddenly were. Besides, what else could they be? They're not holograms, they're not Flesh Avatars, they're not Autons, they're not digital copies bouncing around the Nethersphere. No, these people are literally, actually, dead. Wow. This is, it's amazing! I've never actually met a proper ghost.
Cass (via Lunn): Moran was our friend.
Clara: The cards.
The Doctor: Oh! Oh, right you are.
( Rustling )
Clara: Oh, come here.
( She clears her throat )
( He clears his throat )
The Doctor: Ahem. I'm very sorry for your loss. I'll do all I can to solve the death of your friend slash family member slash pet.
The Doctor: But don't you see what this means? Death! It was the one thing that unified every single living creature in the universe, and now it's gone. How can you just sit there? Don't you want to go out there right now, wrestle them to the ground and ask them questions until your throat falls out? What's death like? Does it hurt? Do you still get hungry? Do you miss being alive? Why can you only handle metal objects? Oh, I didn't know I'd noticed that. OK, so they'll try to kill you, blah, blah, blah. What does that matter? You come back. A bit murder-y, sure, but even so! Calm, Doctor, calm. You were like this when you met Shirley Bassey. OK. Question one. What is a ghost? Question two. What do they want?
O'Donnell: Whoa. Whoa, what's happening?
Computer: Good evening. Entering night mode.
O'Donnell: That's not right. We're switching back into night mode again. This can't happen! No, no, no!
( Distant clanging )
Bennett: Um, what's doing that?
( Clanging continues )
Clara: Doctor?
The Doctor: The TARDIS Cloister Bell!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ TARDIS ]
Clara: Doctor, what's wrong?
The Doctor: It must be the ghosts. That's why she was upset when we got here.
Clara: Why? I don't understand.
The Doctor: It's just what I was saying. You live and you die. That's it. The ghosts are aberrations. A splinter of time in the skin. They're unnatural. She wants to get away from them.
Clara: So, what do we do?
( Engines power down )
The Doctor: Put the handbrake on.
( Silence )
The Doctor: Whoa! Ho, ho, ho, ho! Where do you think you're going?
Clara: Out there, where the action is.
The Doctor: Look, you, er...
Clara: What?
The Doctor: Oh, this is my own fault. I like adventures as much as the next man. If the next man is a man who likes adventures. Even so, don't, don't go native.
Clara: What do you mean? I'm not.
The Doctor: Look, there's a whole dimension in here, but there's only room for one me.
Clara: Wait, wait a second. You just raved about ghosts like a kid who had too much sherbet.
The Doctor: Do you know what you need? You need a hobby.
Clara: I really don't.
The Doctor: Or even better, another relationship. Come on, you lot, you're bananas about relationships. You're always writing songs about them, or going to war, or getting tattooed...
Clara: Doctor, I'm fine.
The Doctor: I just felt that I, I, I had to say something.
Clara: I know. And I appreciated it.
The Doctor: Because I've got a duty of care.
Clara: Which you take very seriously, I know.
The Doctor: So can I stop now?
Clara: Please. Please do.
( Metallic thrumming )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Airlock ]
O'Donnell (over intercom): Attention, all crew. The Drum has switched to night mode early so grab provisions and make your way to the Faraday cage.
Pritchard: That you, Bennett? I went out looking for that missing power cell. OK, contractually, it's a grey area, but I reckon we can argue everything non-indigenous is an asset and therefore
Prichard: Bennett?
Pritchard: We're meant to be in day mode! You shouldn't be here.
( Ghostly whispering )
Pritchard: What? What? What what are you saying?
Pritchard: No, Moran! Don't!
( He gasps )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mess hall ]
O'Donnell (O.C.): Pritchard, you are unaccounted for. Contact the bridge or get to the Faraday cage immediately. Pritchard, contact the bridge or get to the Faraday cage!
Bennett: I'd love to work for UNIT, Earth's first line of defence, and all. I'm probably not suited, though. Not much of a fighter. More of a bleeder.
Clara: Pritchard! Where you have you been? Everyone's been looking for you. What's with the wet suit?
Bennett: Yeah, where have you been?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
Bennett: (O.C.): O'Donnell, it's OK. Pritchard's in here!.
O'Donnell: Pritchard, you moron. Grab your stuff, we're locking down early. In case I can't get this back into day mode.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mess hall ]
Clara: Is he all right?
( Loud thud )
Bennett: Man overboard. Man overboard! We need a rescue team in the water now!
Clara: Bennett, wait! It's Pritchard.
( Ghostly whispering )
Clara: He's a ghost. He's another ghost.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
O'Donnell: Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Computer: Good morning. Entering day mode.
Pritchard: No! No, Moran! Don't!
( Water gushes )
The Doctor: They're working out how to use the base against us. Altering the time settings so they can go about uninhibited, opening the airlocks... They're learning.
Clara: And now there's three of them.
Bennett: Cass, what do we do?
Cass (via Lunn): We abandon the base. Topside can send down a whole team of marines or ghost-busters or whatever.
The Doctor: Wait, wait.
Cass (via Lunn): I can't force you to leave, so you can stay and do the whole cabin in the woods thing and get killed or drowned, if you want. But my first priority is to protect my crew.
Clara )quietly): But we're coming back, aren't we?
The Doctor: Yes, we're coming back.
Cass (via Lunn): O'Donnell, contact Topside. Tell them we're abandoning the base on my orders.
O'Donnell: Topside, Topside, this is Lance Corporal Alice O'Donnell from Drum Control. Over.
Topside: (O.C.): Drum Control, this is Topside. We have received your message. Submarine on its way. Over.
O'Donnell: Repeat, Topside. Over.
Topside: (O.C.): We've received your request for a rescue sub. It's two minutes away. Over.
O'Donnell: Topside, who did you speak to and when was this request made? Over.
Topside: (O.C.): Drum Control, it was in Morse code and arrived maybe half an hour ago. Said it was urgent, comms were down, two crew members critically ill, full paramedic team requested. Over.
The Doctor: Topside, this is the Doctor, UNIT security visa seven one zero Apple zero zero. You may be familiar with my work. Call back the sub.
Topside: (O.C.): Doctor, why would...
The Doctor: Call it back! We have a hazardous and undefined contagion on board. This base is now under quarantine.
Bennett: What did you do that for?
The Doctor: Well, none of us sent the message, did we? So that means that the ghosts sent it, which means they want that crew down here.
Lunn: Why would they do that?
The Doctor: Well, I don't know, but I'm pretty certain it's not so they can all form a boy band. OK. We solve this on our own. The ghosts can only come out at night so they change the base's time settings. Why? What's different at night?
O'Donnell: It's mainly atmospheric. The lights are dim, the noise from the engines is muffled.
The Doctor: No. Something, something else.
Cass (via Lunn): The diagnostic sweep. When the systems are checked, that stops at night to save power.
The Doctor: What systems specifically?
O'Donnell: Life support, the locks. They're electromagnetic. They have to be secured in case of flooding, so throughout the day, they're checked, one by one, every few seconds.
The Doctor: The answer is in there somewhere, I can smell it.
Clara: Doctor, what do we do?
The Doctor: O'Donnell. Excellent work, returning the base to day mode.
O'Donnell: Shut up. It was nothing You really think so?
The Doctor: Now put it back into night mode.
O'Donnell: What!
The Doctor: We know nothing. We don't know what they want. That's what's getting us killed. Well, I won't run. Not any more. So, O'Donnell, kindly put the base back into night mode. We want to know what these ghosts are after? We ask them. We're going to do the impossible. We're going to capture a ghost.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mess hall ]
Computer: Good evening. Entering night mode.
Bennett: H-Hey, how's it going?
( He whimpers )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
O'Donnell: Bennett's got them moving, and Clara's in position.
The Doctor: Clara, Bennett is going to run across the top of the T-junction to your right...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
The Doctor: (O.C.): In about ten seconds. Draw the ghosts towards you. Turn right, and then take second left.
Clara: Hey! Hey, ghosts. Down here!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
The Doctor: Lunn, they're coming your way. Clara's going to duck down to her left. You've got to keep the ghosts going on the same route they're on now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
The Doctor: (O.C.): Then, after about fifty yards on your left, there is a flood door.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
The Doctor: O'Donnell will close the door once you're through.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
Lunn: I, I can hear them.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
The Doctor: Lunn, don't let them see where you go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Road junction ]
Lunn: Hey! Yeah, this way.
Lunn: We've got a problem!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
O'Donnell: They've separated.
The Doctor: What?
O'Donnell: Moran and the mole guy are going after Clara.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
O'Donnell (O.C.): Clara, look out. Two ghosts are still on your case. Right behind you.
Clara: I'm beginning to think we should have let the ghosts in on the plan.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
The Doctor: Clara, there's a flood door at the end of the corridor, around the corner to your right. We'll close it from here. Listen to me. You've got to get through that door before Moran and the other ghost sees you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flood door ]
Clara: Doctor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
The Doctor: Now, O'Donnell, fast as you can!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
Lunn: Guys, I'm nearly at my door.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
The Doctor: Now, Lunn, quickly.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flood door ]
Lunn: It saw me. Oh, God.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
Lunn: (O.C.): It saw me. It's coming through. It's coming through the door.
O'Donnell: We don't have a camera in there.
The Doctor: No, no, Lunn. Lunn, can you hear me? Can you hear me? Lunn, what's happening?
( Wrench clatters )
The Doctor: Lunn, can you hear me? Lunn? Lunn?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Floor door ]
The Doctor: (O.C.): Can you hear me? Lunn, Lunn? Lunn, Lunn! What's happening? Lunn? Lunn? Can you hear me?
Lunn: I'm OK.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
O'Donnell: Cass, he's alive.
Lunn: (O.C.): It didn't hurt me. I'm OK...
The Doctor: What? What's wrong with you? Why didn't it hurt you? Bennett, you're on again. Bennett, where are you?
O'Donnell: There. Oh, God, look.
The Doctor: Bennett, can you hear me?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
The Doctor: (O.C.): There are two ghosts just around the corner from you.
Bennett: Yes, thanks, I'd noticed.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
The Doctor: The Faraday cage is across the intersection and down the corridor to your right. This last bit is down to you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
Bennett: OK, so, the good news is, they aren't split up any more. Cue Clara!
( Lock turns in door )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Outside Faraday cage ]
The Doctor: We need to talk. Sorry, chaps. Just a hologram. You play a little bit too rough.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
Clara: I'm fine, by the way, in case any of you were worried.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Outside Faraday cage ]
The Doctor: Cass, are you seeing this?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
O'Donnell: Sonic glasses Wi-Fi locked in. On screen B2.
Lunn: She says she can't see them properly.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Outside Faraday cage ]
Lunn: (O.C.): The glass is too thick and they're too far away.
The Doctor: Open the door.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
O'Donnell: What?
Clara: Doctor, you can't go in there, they will kill you!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Faraday cage ]
The Doctor: They don't have any weapons or access to any of the controls. They can't hurt me, so open the door.
( Ghostly whispering )
The Doctor: Cold, isn't it? Take away your weapons and you're not so scary, are you? Is that better, Cass?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
Lunn: She says they're saying the same thing, the same phrase, over and over. They're saying the dark. The score. No, the sword. The... for sale? No, the forsaken. The temple.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Faraday cage ]
The Doctor: What?
Lunn: (O.C.): Yes, she's sure. The dark, the sword, the forsaken, the temple.
Lunn: (O.C.): Just that. Over and over.
The Doctor: Dark, sword, forsaken, temple. What does that mean? What are you telling me, big man? ( Ghostly whispering ) Bennett! I need maps. I think I just worked out what our friend here is telling us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Bridge ]
The Doctor: They're coordinates.
Bennett: How can they be coordinates?
The Doctor: The dark? Space. So, whoever's following the coordinates knows they're going to another planet. The sword?
The Doctor: Orion's sword. The sword, the three stars, although one isn't actually a star but the Orion Nebula, hanging down from Orion's belt. But if viewed from back here, the Earth becomes the fourth bit of the sword. So, narrowed it down to a planet now. Getting closer.
The Doctor: The forsaken. The forsaken or abandoned or empty town. See, it's a location, beaming out to someone or something across the universe, over and over. And every time they kill one of us...
Clara: It strengthens the signal. Another ghost, another transmitter.
O'Donnell: Which is why they sent for that rescue sub.
The Doctor: Get more people down here, kill them, make even more ghosts to beam out the coordinates.
Cass (via Lunn): But why are they beaming out the coordinates? Is it a distress call?
The Doctor: It could be. Or a warning. Might even be a call to arms. It could mean, come here, they're vulnerable, help yourself. Wait a minute, though. Wait a minuet. Do you know what this means? It means that they're not a natural phenomenon. It means that someone is deliberately getting people killed, hijacking their souls and turning them into transmitters.
O'Donnell: But what do the coordinates lead to, though? To us? To the ghosts? What?
The Doctor: Ah! What the coordinates are for. That is part of the answer to the other question you're all thinking. Really? Come on. None of you? Surely just being around me makes you cleverer by osmosis? What is the other question?
Cass (via Lunn): The temple. The fourth part of the directions. What's the temple?
The Doctor: Finally. It's like pulling teeth. This is the flooded military town. Shops, houses, town square, and this.
Clara: A church?
The Doctor: Whatever the coordinates are for, it's in that church. Find that and you're a hop, skip and a jump to stopping them.
Bennett: Wait, you're not suggesting that? But we're safe now. The ghosts are in the cage. We can get out of here.
The Doctor: No one has to stay. In fact, I would prefer it if you went. You'll all get in the way and ask ridiculous questions. But, you know, you have chosen to protect and serve. You have given yourself to science and the pursuit of knowledge. None of you have chosen anonymous or selfish lives. Go, and a part of you will always wonder, what would have happened if I'd stayed? How could I have helped? What would I have learned? I want you to go. But you should know what it is that you're leaving.
Lunn: Cass says we should go, but everything that happens here is her responsibility now, so she's going to stay. So I, er, guess I should too.
O'Donnell: Well, count me in. Who wants to live forever, anyway?
Bennett: Sorry, er, have you gone insane? We can go home.
Bennett: They're ghosts, though. How can they be ghosts? Well, at least if I die, you know I really will come back and haunt you all.
Bennett: OK, the sub is approaching the town square. Which way is the church?
O'Donnell North-north-west, one hundred and fifty yards. That's it. Starboard two degrees.
Clara: What are we looking for, exactly?
The Doctor: Something that has the power to raise the dead and turn them into transmitters. I expect we'll know it when we see it.
Bennett: Wait, I've found the church.
The Doctor: That's it, keep going.
The Doctor: Wait. What's that? Move closer.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Main hangar ]
The Doctor: It's the suspended-animation chamber from the spaceship.
Clara: So the pilot could be in there.
The Doctor: There's something inside there. But it's deadlock sealed. I can't open it. It should be the pilot, it should be. So why do I think it isn't? More questions. Everything I solve, just more questions. I have to go back to the beginning. We arrive, we see the ghosts. They don't kill us. They lead us here, they show us the spaceship. Then they try to kill us.
The Doctor: Not translated by the TARDIS. Why?
( Beeping and whirring )
The Doctor: Lunn, translate for me. Whenever I step outside, you are the smartest person in the room. So, tell me, what's weird about this? I know that it's all bonkers but, you know, when you think about it, one thing keeps snagging in your mind. What is it?
Cass (via Lunn): The markings on the inside of the spaceship.
The Doctor: The markings on the inside of the spaceship. Yes! Why?
Cass (via Lunn): I don't think they're just words.
The Doctor: They're not. They're magnets.
Bennett: Magnets? How?
The Doctor: Well, a localised and manufactured electromagnetic field, to be precise. The dark. The sword. The forsaken. The temple. When we heard the coordinates for the first time, did anyone expect them not to be that? No, exactly. Me neither. It's like we already knew, somehow. Like the words were already in us.
O'Donnell: So that writing is the coordinates?
The Doctor: Everything we see or experience shapes us in some way. But these words actually rewrite the synaptic connections in your brain. They literally change the way you are wired. Clara, why don't I have a radio in the TARDIS?
Clara: You took it apart and used the pieces to make a clockwork squirrel.
The Doctor: And because whatever song I heard first thing in the morning, I was stuck with. Two weeks of Mysterious Girl by Peter Andre. I was begging for the brush of Death's merciful hand. Don't you see? These words are an earworm. A song you can't stop humming, even after you die.
Clara: OK, so, the spaceship lands here. The pilot leaves the writing on the wall so whoever sees it, when they die, they become a beacon of the coordinates, while he slash she slash it snoozes in the suspended-animation chamber...
The Doctor: Waiting for his slash her slash its mates to pick the message up. My God. Every time I think it couldn't get more extraordinary, it surprises me. It's impossible. I hate it. It's evil. It's astonishing. I want to kiss it to death.
( Alarm blares )
Computer: Attention, all crew. Evacuate base immediately. Emergency protocols have been initiated. This safety message was brought to you by Vector Petroleum. Fuel for our futures.
O'Donnell: Oh, no. The ghosts tampering with the day-night settings caused a computer malfunction. Its its first priority is to keep the reactor cool, so it's opening the hull doors and it's flooding the base.
Lunn: Cass says, close the internal flood doors. That'll contain the water in the central corridor.
The Doctor: Where's the TARDIS?
O'Donnell: On the other side.
The Doctor: We need to get there. It's our only way out.
O'Donnell: OK. We've got thirty seconds before the flood doors close.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Corridor ]
Clara: Come on!
Clara: Doctor!
The Doctor: I'll get you and the others out. Sit tight, I'll come back for you.
Clara: Just come over here in the TARDIS now.
The Doctor: The TARDIS won't go there. It won't go near the ghosts.
Clara: You can't just leave us!
The Doctor: Listen to me. I'm going back in time to when this spaceship landed. If I can understand why this is happening, I can stop them killing anyone else. I can save you. You trust me, don't you, Clara?
Bennett: Wait, you're going to go back in time? How do you do that?
The Doctor: Extremely well.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mess hall ]
Lunn: You're sure they're not going to hurt us?
Clara: They can't get out of the Faraday cage.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ TARDIS ]
( Metallic thrumming )
The Doctor: Back to before the flood.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mess hall ]
Cass (via Lunn): And you're sure the Doctor won't just leave us here?
Clara: Guys, look, this is how we roll. He's going to go away, come back and we'll have to listen to how he did it.
Lunn: Is it Moran or Pritchard or the mole guy? How, how did they get out?
Clara: No, I don't think it's any of them. I think it's a new ghost.
Lunn: What does that mean?
Clara: It means that something happened in the past, it means that somebody else must have. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Another ghost has appeared. What does it mean?
I have to die. This is the town before it flooded. I need to know how you create these creatures with nothing but words. He's opened the Faraday cage, let the other ghosts out. This isn't about saving me. I'm a dead man walking. So, who's next? | Plan: A: Clara; Q: Who spots a new ghost in the lake? A: 2119; Q: What year do the Doctor and Clara arrive in an underwater base? A: The military team; Q: Who discovered the alien craft? A: an alien craft; Q: What did the military team discover in the ruins of a submerged Scottish town? A: glyphs; Q: What was scratched in the alien craft's walls? A: its inside walls; Q: Where were the glyphs on the alien craft? A: Commander Moran; Q: Who was killed upon discovering the alien craft? A: Tivolian; Q: What alien is the ghost of Moran? A: the ghosts; Q: Who is being used to send a call to the location? A: an unopenable stasis chamber; Q: What do the Doctor and Clara find at the church where the coordinates led? A: the coordinates; Q: What are the ghosts repeating? A: the true meaning; Q: What does the Doctor want to find out about the signal? A: the signal; Q: What does the Doctor decide to go back to before the flood and find out the true meaning behind? A: Cass; Q: Who is the acting commander of the underwater base? A: Lunn; Q: Who is the crewmember that is separated from the Doctor? A: the TARDIS; Q: What vehicle does the Doctor, O'Donnell, and Bennett leave in? Summary: The Doctor and Clara arrive in an underwater base in 2119. The military team there have discovered an alien craft in the ruins of a submerged Scottish town with glyphs scratched in its inside walls, but Commander Moran was killed upon its discovery. At night, ghosts of Moran and a Tivolian. The Doctor and the others attempt to capture the ghosts and understand what they want, and find out that they are repeating coordinates. They find an unopenable stasis chamber at the church where the coordinates led. The Doctor concludes that the ghosts are being used to send a call to the location. The Doctor decides to go back to before the flood and find out the true meaning behind the signal. Clara, acting commander Cass, and crewmember Lunn are separated from the Doctor, and crewmembers O'Donnell, and Bennett. Shortly after the Doctor, O'Donnell, and Bennett leave in the TARDIS, Clara spots a new ghost in the lake, only to discover that it is the Doctor. |
In Ms. Hatzilakos' Class
Ms. Hatzilakos: So your exam will mainly focus on the second term, but much of what you learned last fall has influenced what we've covered since and...
Spinner: Wait, so what does that mean; we have to study both terms?
Ms. Hatzilakos: That's usually how it works, Gavin. So what we're gonna do...
Paige: More work?
Ms. Hatzilakos: It's a comprehension assignment using molecular models I'd like you to illustrate the structure of three simple molecules by next week. Welcome to the real world guys, oh and Paige can you make sure that Ashley gets this? It seems like she's sick...again.
Spinner: Ok, I can't handle this. It's so unfair.
Paige: Hatzilakos wants us to live in the real world. Then I say we do just that. Tomorrow we're taking the day off. Outside in Dylan's car
Dylan: Ok you know this car means everything to me right?
Paige: Yes, this car means more to you than I do. Ok, now this goes to Ms. Smith excusing me from all classes today.
Marco: Oohh, the old forging your mom's signature huh? Nice!
Paige: Just make sure she gets it.
Dylan: And you just make sure you return this car ok? Undamaged, with a full tank.
Paige: But it's only at a quarter...
Dylan: Have fun! (As him and Marco get out) Spinner's house
Spinner's mom: Here. Now I know having a thermometer in your mouth is uncomfortable but you gotta leave it there. Ok?
Spinner: Ok Mom, I love you. (As soon as she leaves he dunks the thermometer in a hot drink)
Kendra: Just wait till I tell mom.
Spinner: Oh yeah, go ahead miss I don't have any evidence.
Kendra: Mom, he's faking!
Spinner's mom: With a temperature of 101? I don't think so!
Spinner: Ugh, pain!
Kendra: Pain? I'm the one in pain. My arm! (Points to her broken (or sprained) arm)
Spinner's mom: Kendra, this isn't a competition! Now I'll be home by 5. Be sure to drink plenty of fluids and call me at work if you need anything.
Kendra: But...
Spinner's mom: Uh uh uh! (Kendra and their mom leave the room)
Spinner: (on the phone) Paige. The hen has flown the coop!
Paige: Nice In Mr. Simpson's class
Mr. Simpson: In constructing the CQ query we need to use a filter as in... where amount is greater than 100. No, that's not right.
JT: So, the semi-formal coming up.
Emma: JT can we talk later?
JT: Uh that'd be a no. I was thinking about asking Manny but, I mean, I know she's been through some tough times lately.
Mr. Simpson: Time's going to get a whole lot tougher if you don't stop talking. For (something) functions you need to use the pathing clause actually...
JT: We could just go as friends.
Emma: JT. Later!
Mr. Simpson: Hi, what are you doing at lunch? Defragging the MI lab? Thanks and Emma so glad you could help out! At Ashley's house
Ashley: (singing) I'm lost in a void of eternity. The eye of the storm, the depth of the sea. A black hole rips me from inside out. Gravity ending me.
Ashley's mom: You don't look sick to me kiddo. You know I have been really patient, but the end of the year is coming up and you've got exams.
Ashley: And I'll do fine. I've been doing all the homework. I'll go to school Monday but not today please!
Ashley's mom: I'm going to be showing houses all day, but I'll be home for dinner ok? Uh, what we talked about the other day... I think it might be a good thing. Paige and Spinner driving along
Spinner: Here we are, fresh air, hot rod convertible, the world is our oyster! What do you wanna do?
Paige: What do you wanna do?
Spinner: Anything! Bowling, the mall... No, no, no mini golf!
Paige: (With an accent answering the phone) Paige Michaelchuk's telephone!
Ashley: What's with the weird accent?
Paige: Just uh pretending to be my mom!
Ashley: Why where are you?
Paige: Dylan's car. Skipping with Spin, in case you're at the school.
Ashley: Well I'm not and actually I'm just calling for yesterday's homework.
Paige: Yeah I was just about to drop it off. Hey what are you doing today?
Ashley: Just feeling sorry for myself. Why?
Spinner: No, no!
Paige: Well misery loves company hun, so get dressed. We'll be there in five! In Ashley's bedroom
Paige: Hun we have a major metropolitan area at our disposal here.
Spinner: Yeah with at least 20 mini putt courses to explore.
Ashley: Go away!
Paige: Spin not helping. Ash, get up! Ok, let's think of Dylan's car as a genie. One that could grant us three wishes. Spin. I wish I could go eat lunch at a restaurant with my hunny and my oldest friend. (Looks at Spinner)
Spinner: I wish we could go play mini golf.
Paige: Fine, Ash one wish to go.
Ashley: I wish we could go visit Terri. At the hospital, in Terri's room
Terri: Ashley, I'm so glad you could come!
Ashley: Yeah finally huh? Well you look great.
Terri: I'm feeling so much better, other than the occasional headache from hitting the rock and the surgery.
Nurse: Here to change your bandage. (Takes her bandage off revealing a bald spot with a large cut)
Ashley: Um I need some air. (Goes out to the hallway)
Paige: Ashley?
(Paige and Spinner walk into Terri's room.)
In the computer lab
Emma: Alex I need some time with that machine now. The row over there is finished if you could just...Can you please move?
Alex: Go away little girl. You're annoying me.
JT: Well I'm done like dinner.
Emma: Me too. Now there's just my dad's and one that I'll apparently be doing after school.
JT: Oh mama. Can't blame you there! Hey Em I can't defrag this if he's working on something right?
Emma: Uh, no just save it and quit the program.
JT: Oh.
Emma: What's wrong?
JT: Uh I don't think I was supposed to see this.
Emma: What? His will... At a nice restaurant
Spinner: Razcompalo (?), risotto with porcine and shitake... what?
Paige: Spin has trouble with foods he can't pronounce. (Spin hits Paige with a breadstick)
Paige: Stop.
Ashley: Spin this is a restaurant, not the school cafeteria.
Waiter: Can I take your beverage order?
Paige: A ginger ale for me please.
Ashley: Fine.
Spinner: Um, I'll have whatever's on tap... Andrew. (Waiter gives him a look)
Spinner: What, if I were underage wouldn't I be in school right now instead of your fine dining establishment?
Waiter: Three ginger ales coming right up.
Paige: Haha, so um Ash what are you gonna have?
Ashley: Nothing I'm not hungry. I'm sorry ok but seeing Terri in the hospital just sort of did that to me.
Paige: Yeah me too, but getting all down and sucky doesn't help anyone.
Ashley: You just don't get it do you? These are supposed to be the best years of our life and it's just been one disaster after another after another. That school is cursed.
Spinner: Then just transfer already.
Paige: Spinner!
Ashley: No he's right. Next year I'm leaving Degrassi. At the restaurant (after a commercial break)
Spinner: Oh if only this was champagne, not just the champagne of ginger ales.
Paige: You're ecstatic that Ashley's transferring aren't you? She is my friend who's had a really rough year and she's probably crying her eyes out in the bathroom right now.
Spinner: So let's take her home to cry so we can enjoy the rest of our afternoon.
Paige: Or we could show her a good time and maybe make her change her mind.
Ashley: Guys! See that blond woman over there. Look who she's with!
Paige: Raditch!
Ashley: So maybe we should um... (They get up to leave quickly)
Paige: Spin, you did leave money for lunch like you were supposed to right?
Spinner: No...
Ashley: So what we didn't pay?
Spinner: Cool!
Paige: Not cool! Give me the money, I'll go pay...
Ashley: What and get caught skipping by Raditch?!
Spinner: So what are we gonna do?
(Shows the three of them driving, playing mini golf, at the movies (where Spinner is trying not to cry lol), then playing air hockey.)
At an art gallery
Paige: Enjoying the art honey bee?
Spinner: Art? That's what they call this?
Ashley: Spin, someone poured their soul into these paintings.
Spinner: Really? I don't see it. Oh wait there it is. (Pointing at a picture with a naked lady and pretending to kiss it)
Spinner: What!? I wasn't doing anything.
Ashley: You were being a sexist jerk.
Spinner: No, I was trying to make you laugh.
Ashley: Yeah well it wasn't funny. It was embarrassing.
Spinner: So what? Being an idiot is ok sometimes!
Ashley: Yeah and so is growing up.
Spinner: I'll be in the sculpture garden.
Paige: Ok um, I'm sorry you had a crappy year. I'm sorry Craig treated you like dirt, but get over it.
Ashley: Paige you have no idea.
Paige: You take everything so seriously. Just lighten up.
Ashley: Yeah I'll just do that Paige.
Paige: You should. I'm sorry to be brutally blunt but Craig didn't cheat on you just because of hormones.
Ashley: Paige...
Paige: So run away next year but it won't help cuz the real problem is you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the school
Emma: Mr. Preno (? The janitor) Is my dad in there?
Mr. Preno (?): No.
Liberty: So that Canadian Geography class was great wasn't it...the Canadian Shield, the great lakes... Liberty shut up for once! I'm looking for Mr. Simpson.
Alex: Pleasant as always Emma?
Emma: Don't start with me.
(Alex throws a bunched up piece of paper at Emma.)
Emma: Alex, what is your problem?
Alex: Let's see, your clothes, your voice, your holier than thou attitude. You.
(Emma throws Alex's books down and pushes her. Major catfight. Emma knees Alex in the face making her bleed. Alex backslaps her and the two continue to fight.)
Mr Preno (?): Hey! Hey! That's enough! Emma! Simmer down.
At an Elvis impersonation competition
(An Elvis impersonator on stage.)
Spinner: Ok, the king is cool. That freak show on stage is not. Perfectly lame end to a lame day.
Paige: Spin what are you talking about? That guy is cool and I had fun today.
Spinner: Yeah can't wait to tell everyone we skipped and moped around all day with the queen of doom.
Paige: He didn't mean that.
Ashley: It's cool. Um so why don't you guys sit and I'll get us a snack.
At school
(Emma has a huge black eye.)
Mr. Simpson: Where's a good t-bone steak when you need one huh?
Emma: I thought we were done with secrets, dad?
Emma: I found your will. When were you going to tell me the chemo failed?
Mr. Simpson: No, no Emma you got it all wrong. The doctor just told me to be prepared.
Emma: Prepared for what?! What is going on?
Mr. Simpson: This afternoon I get the results from my last round of chemo. Your mom and I just wanted to protect you.
Emma: Well stop, ok?
Mr. Simpson: Ok, but this is big Em. It's life or death big...because if the chemo didn't work...
Emma: But I want to know what's going on. I need to know.
Mr. Simpson: Ok. So come with us today to the doctors. There's no more secrets.
(Emma and Snake hugging.)
Back at the Elvis impersonation competition
(Really bad little kid singing.)
Spinner: Uh ok. That's just bizarre.
Paige: Where is Ash? She's been gone for like 20 minutes.
Spinner: And that's a problem?
Announcer: Nice job Little E! Ladies and gentlemen Little E! Now up a late addition. Next up Elvira, Queen of Doom. Elvira.
Ashley: (comes on stage in an Elvis costume) Thank you Howard. Thank you very much. This little number goes out to my dear old friend Ronnie who lent me this outfit and to my good friends Spinner and Paige. This one's for you!
Paige: What is she doing?
(Ashley singing an Elvis song and Spinner and Paige standing and cheering.)
At the doctor's office
Doctor: Ah the whole family's here today. So the bone marrow tests are in. Your peripheral blood cell count could be better but your normal cellular marrow is just 3.2% less.
Mr. Simpson: Please in English.
Doctor: You're in remission. Ms. Grant will set up your follow-ups. Congratulations. Um take as much time as you need in here.
(Everyone's arms around each other, misty eyed, relieved.)
Spike: Good cuz I think we're gonna be a while.
In Ashley's room
Ashley's mom: I cancel a house showing so I can be with you and then I find you pulling up in Paige's car with the world's weirdest trophy.
Ashley: I'm sorry little lady. (Ashley laughing)
Ashley's mom: Ashley this is not funny. (Both of them start laughing)
Ashley's mom: Ashley, sanity has left the building. Outside by Dylan's car
Spinner: Thank you, thank you very much.
Paige: Ok, that was a worse impression than that Mini E kid.
Spinner: Haha.
Paige: Oh, Time to pick up Dylan. He's going to kill me if I'm late.
Spinner: Yeah not to mention, for this! (Waving around a parking ticket)
Paige: Which he will never know about!
Spinner: Small price to pay for a day off right?
(Paige and Spin kiss then drive off.)
Scenes For Next Week
Tracker: You gonna come with us to Alberta? I can drop you in Wasaga.
Sean: No, no I'm not living with mom and dad.
Voiceover: Faced with life changing news.
Sean: (to the camera) I'm sick of living by everyone else's rules
Voiceover: Sean lashes out.
Auto teacher: Sean!
Voiceover: When a solution is offered.
Auto teacher: What about student welfare?
Sean: Yeah right.
Voiceover: Will he make the most of it?
Sean: It's not just my house, it's our house. | Plan: A: school; Q: What do Paige and Spinner skip to visit Terri? A: a comatose Terri; Q: Who do Paige and Spinner visit at the hospital? A: Ashley; Q: Who is still upset over her breakup with Craig? A: Emma; Q: Who finds Snake's will and panics? A: the chemotherapy; Q: What does Emma fear failed? Summary: Paige and Spinner skip school in order to visit a comatose Terri at the hospital and invite Ashley, who is still upset over her breakup with Craig. Meanwhile, Emma finds Snake's will and panics, fearing that the chemotherapy failed. |
Narrator (William Petersen): Previously on CSI:
[Scene from 1X01: Pilot]
(In the hospital room, NICK pushes the curtain aside to talk to KRISTY HOPKINS who sits on the bed.)
Nick: May I see your discoloration?
Kristy Hopkins: You want to give me twenty bucks?
Nick: You want to do time?
(Cut to: NICK looks at KRISTY'S "discoloration. He looks at her and smiles.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scenes from 1X10: s*x, Lies and Larvae.]
(As WARRICK and CATHERINE process the Sorenson, WARRICK'S pager beeps. He checks it.)
Warrick: You know what, I got to be somewhere. Can you handle this from here?
Catherine: Yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- HALLWAY]
Conrad Ecklie: Warrick Brown had one of my guys sub for him in court, but I have it on good authority that he was gambling.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM]
Grissom: I need you to do some background for me on Warrick.
Sara: Warrick? Your favorite CSI.
Grissom: That's why I want you to handle it so that Ecklie can't accuse me of favoritism.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT]
Sara: I got this surveillance tape. He was in the casino. I'm sorry.
WHITE FLASH TO: END OF PREVIOUSLY ON.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MARTY'S MARKET - DAY]
(Camera moves low and fast along the main aisle. It turns up into an aisle and stops in front of the wheels of a shopping cart as it moves directly toward the camera.)
WOMan Over P.A.: Manager to register two, please. Manager to register two.
(The woman turns the aisle and heads into the fruits and vegetables section. She fills up a bag and continues shopping.)
(Cut to: The woman grabs a bag of buns and puts it into the cart. The camera keeps on the woman as she shops. She turns into an aisle and stops where she reaches up and grabs a Sun Valley mustard bottle. She drops the bottle. It falls into the aisle and breaks, spilling mustard on the floor.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. MARTY'S MARKET (#19331) - PARKING LOT -- NIGHT]
(Sirens blare and police car lights flash. GRISSOM makes his way toward the market entrance. The doors open and he walks inside.)
[INT. MARTY'S MARKET - CONTINUOUS]
(BRASS turns around to see GRISSOM. They make their way toward the aisle.)
Brass: Well, if it isn't the boss himself! Where's your E-street band?
Grissom: They had another gig. How you doing, Jim? How's your old job?
Brass: Ah, I can sling scum all day long. You?
Grissom: I curse more.
Brass: Oh, yeah? Well, wait. The shopping cart's over here. The missing woman is Margaret Shorey. Lives with her sister. Went out to get groceries; never came home. Car's still in the parking lot.
(The STORE MANAGER walks up to the cart. GRISSOM puts his kit down on the floor. He walks up to the cart and looks inside the purse.)
Grissom: And her purse is still in the cart. With no wallet.
Brass: Maybe she left the purse as a marker.
Grissom: Chicken soup, ice packs ... pain reliever ...
Brass: Sister broke her wrist in a car wreck.
Grissom: Hot dogs, hot dog buns ...
Brass: Junk-food junkie.
(GRISSOM looks on the bottom of the cart and sees something yellow stuck to the bottom rail. He uses his finger to get a dollop of it which he smells, then tastes. BRASS watches and grimaces.)
Brass: Oh, that's sanitary.
Grissom: Mustard.
(GRISSOM turns around and look at the mustard on the shelf.)
Grissom: (to the STORE MANAGER) Did you have any mop-ups in this aisle today?
Store Manager: Yeah. Yeah, as a matter of fact, we did.
Grissom: Life holds no surprises.
(GRISSOM turns around and takes a mustard bottle off of the shelf. He digs into his pocket to pay for it and hands the money to the STORE MANAGER.)
Grissom: $1.98 for the mustard ... plus, my two cents.
(GRISSOM holds the bottle over the aisle and drops it, shattering it in front of BRASS.)
Brass: What are you doing?
Grissom: Now, where would you go?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. RESTROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM pushes the bathroom stall door open while BRASS sits on the basin and tries to get the mustard stains off of the cuff of his pants.)
(GRISSOM looks around the bathroom.)
Brass: (groans) Oh, man ...
Grissom: Hey, Brass, look at this.
Brass: What?
Grissom: You see this?
(GRISSOM holds the bathroom stall door open and looks at the inside of the stall door. BRASS gets up; the STORE MANAGER steps closer.)
Brass: See what?
Grissom: This circumference? Looks like somebody did a brillo job on it.
Brass: All I see is a clean door.
Grissom: You know anything about this?
Store Manager: Yeah, he's right -- we cleaned it up today. I had a complaint. Kids are always writing crazy stuff on bathroom doors. So I had one of my employees scrub it off.
Grissom: Could I borrow a hammer?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT]
(The camera snaps. " ... ED 5 WOMEN ... ")
(Inside the lab, GRISSOM processes the bathroom stall door which removed from the market. BRASS stands next to the door and holds the light on it revealing the message under neath.)
I've killed ... (camera snaps) ... .... Catch ... (camera snaps ) ... ... me ... (camera snaps) ... ... can ... (camera snaps) ... ? ... (camera snaps) ...
(Short time cut to: GRISSOM puts the photos up on the board., piecing the message together.)
Grissom: (reading) "Iv'e killed 5 women. Catch me if you can?"
HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - NIGHT]
(The camera moves along the hallway and through the lab on its way to the break room where the CSIs gather to wait for their assignments.)
Grissom: Hey.
(GRISSOM opens the door and walk into the break room.)
Grissom: Hey, kids. All right, listen, hey, I got to jet.
Catherine: Hi.
Grissom: Sara Sidle. 419.
(GRISSOM hands the assignment sheet to SARA.)
Sara: Dead body-- bonus.
Catherine: Whoa, somebody likes their job.
Grissom: Nick Stokes-- 416, fight at the Bellagio. She says she's a "friend" of yours.
Catherine: Ex-girlfriend, Nick?
Nick: Well, that depends. Was she the assaulter or the assaultee?
Sara: You tell us -- you like leather or lace?
Nick: (chuckles) No, I'm not even going there.
(He turns and heads out the door ... then it hits him.)
Nick: Lace.
(SARA looks up and smiles widely at him.)
Grissom: Catherine, you have a 418 -- an obituary on a stall door. I'll meet you in the garage but first, I've got to take care of Warrick.
Catherine: Oh, no. What are you going to do?
(CATHERINE stands up and gets her things. She passes GRISSOM on her way out.)
Grissom: I don't know.
(CATHERINE leaves. SARA lingers.)
Sara: I filed my report.
Grissom: I read it.
(Not getting more, SARA rolls her eyes and leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(WARRICK is in the locker room getting dressed. GRISSOM peers in to the locker room and finding WARRICK, lingers in the doorway.)
Grissom: Hey.
Warrick: Hey. I missed assignments; I know. I'm running late. What did I pull?
(Steps into the locker room.)
Grissom: How was court the other day?
Warrick: I handed it off to Michovitch, from days. Uh, I told Sara.
Grissom: Yeah, because you had, uh, "personal business."
(GRISSOM looks a the file in his hand.)
Warrick: Yeah.
(WARRICK turns around and sees GRISSOM holding the file and the video tape.)
Warrick: What's that?
Grissom: You ... at the Monaco casino.
Warrick: What? I don't believe this. Now you're pulling up film on me?
Grissom: Casinos tape everyone who walks through their door, Warrick, you know that. I thought we had a deal.
Warrick: We do.
Grissom: Look, what you do on your time is nobody's business. What you do on my time is my business.
(WARRICK sighs and sits down.)
Warrick: I was at the casino. But I wasn't gambling.
(GRISSOM sits down on the bench next to WARRICK to listen to what he has to say.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. BERLIN RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]
(The OFFICER takes KENNY BERLIN'S statement. In the back, SARA walks in and puts her kit down. The photographer walks in behind her.)
Officer: Okay, Rubio's Restaurant.
(SARA walks into the room and looks at the crime scene in front of her.)
Sara: (to the photographer) Get me a picture of the body ... the items on the bedsheet ... the window ... the drafting table.
(The camera shutter clicks.)
Sara: Everything on the floor.
(She takes another look around the room, then turns to talk with the DETECTIVE.)
Sara: Sara Sidle, crime scene investigation. And you are ... ?
Kenny Berlin: (crying) I'm ... Kenny Berlin. That's my brother. I'm the one who found him.
Sara: Sorry for your loss. (SARA turns to look around the room.) You want to tell me what happened here?
Kenny Berlin: I don't ... I don't know. I came... I came walking in the door, I saw my brother lying there ... stuff everywhere. All I could think was that ...
(Quick flashback to: Someone breaks the glass window and steps into the room. As the thief tosses the room, JEFF BERLINE walks in and interrupts him.)
Jeff Berlin: Hey!
(The thief looks up and sees JEFF. He lifts the gun and fires. JEFF BERLINE falls to the floor.)
(White flash to: KENNY BERLIN walks into the room and finds his brother on the floor.)
Kenny Berlin: Hey, Jeff?
(He looks around and sees the room a mess. He rushes to the phone and dials.)
Kenny Berlin: (V.O.) I-I called 9-1-1
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Kenny Berlin: ... and then you guys showed up, and...
Detective: (to KENNY BERLIN) Thank you.
(He and SARA step aside.)
Detective: There have been several burglaries in the neighborhood; all benign.
Sara: Nothing benign about two $20s screaming, "take me" on the bar.
Detective: Maybe he missed it?
Sara: Yeah, well, it's hard to miss all that high-tech computer equipment. There's got to be five, ten grand there. First thing I'd take.
Detective: He was interrupted.
Sara: Before or after he used a bedsheet to transport the silverware? Pillowcases are the norm, you know that. Something's not right.
(SARA walks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. BELLAGIO -- NIGHT]
(NICK walks up to the police officer.)
Nick: Gentlemen, Nick Stokes. I'm here for the 416; something about a "special request."
Officer Pratt: Don't ask me. Go ask Catherine Zeta Jones over there.
Nick: Over where?
(They point.)
Nick: Thanks.
(NICK heads there.)
Nick: Excuse me ... ma'am?
(The woman with the short hair waits impatiently, her back turned to them. When NICK calls out to her, she turns around. It's KRISTY HOPKINS. NICK recognizes her immediately.)
Kristy Hopkins: Oh, Nick, hey ...
Nick: You got to be kidding me.
Kristy Hopkins: Oh, you probably don't recognize me with the shorter hair. My nipples are all better, you want to see?
Nick: Yeah, yeah, Kristy Hopkins, what are you doing here?
Security Guard: (interrupting) I'll tell you what she's doing here-- she's cruising.
Kristy Hopkins: No, I'm in here, minding my own business shopping for a dress spending my hard-earned money! (NICK reacts to that comment; she corrects herself.) Okay, semi-hard-earned money. When Squiggy over here starts harassing me saying he doesn't want my type in here. He grabs my arm, cops a feel then he spit on me, so I slugged him!
Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa ... he spit on you?
Security Guard: Wait, you're not listening to this? This is such a crock.
Kristy Hopkins: Oh, I'll show you ...
(KRISTY and the SECURITY GUARD start yelling at each other.)
Nick: All right, all right, break it up! Ease up! Ease up!
(OFFICER PRATT pulls the SECURITY GUARD aside; NICK pulls KRISTY aside.)
Security Guard: Hey, hey, I'm pressing charges! I don't care who you know!
Nick: Kristy!
Kristy Hopkins: What?!
Officer Pratt: They're right -- I've got to take her in.
Nick: (to OFFICER PRATT) Just give me a minute, will you? (NICK pulls KRISTY to the side.) Get over here! I need your shirt.
(KRISTY stares at NICK.)
Kristy Hopkins: Why is it every time we meet you're wanting me to take my clothes off?
Nick: Because every time we meet you put yourself in a position where you have to take them off.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. BERLIN RESIDENCE - NIGHT]
(SARA talks with KENNY BERLIN.)
Sara: Using your arms -- how big's a whale?
(KENNY BERLIN spreads his arms out to show her.)
Sara: Now freeze, don't move. (She positions his arms straight out.) Up.
(SARA starts examining KENNY'S clothing.)
Kenny Berlin: What are you doing?
Sara: Checking for blood spatter.
Kenny Berlin: (surprised) What blood? Am I a suspect?
Sara: This is what I do. This is how I eliminate you as a suspect.
Officer: I'll take that for you.
(SARA hands the OFFICER her flashlight. She leans in close and finds something on the cuff of KENNY'S pants.)
Sara: Well, that's good news; no blood, bud.
(In the background, a camera flashes. SARA reaches into her kit to take a sample of what she finds in the cuff of his pants. She puts it in a bindle.)
Sara: I am going to need you to strip, though.
Kenny Berlin: Right here?
Sara: Don't be shy on my account. But if you are, this nice detective will accompany you to the bedroom.
(SARA puts it in her kit and stands up.)
Sara: Oh, and, uh, I'm going to need to take your window with me, too.
(SARA pulls the warrant from her jacket pocket.)
Sara: It's all in the warrant.
(KENNY looks at the paper in SARA'S hand, then takes it. SARA turns and walks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT]
(DR. RAMBAR examines the photographs of the writing on the bathroom stall door. He explains his findings to GRISSOM and CATHERINE.)
Dr. Rabar: The person who wrote this is left-handed.
Grissom: And we know that because...?
Dr. Rabar: The "t-bar" in "catch," it's left-tending. And uneducated ... the contraction in "IV'E" is misplaced. Then we have the large, arched hood in the letter "Y" and the arches in the bottom of the "L's." This indicates criminal tendency which is supported by the heavy pastiosity which suggests low impulse control.
Catherine: Heavy pastiosity?
Dr. Rabar: The pressure -- how firmly you put pen to paper.
Grissom: Or marker to metal. Do we know anything else?
Dr. Rabar: Yes. Overall, the handwriting is cursive and round. This tells me it was written by a woman.
(This information surprises both GRISSOM and CATHERINE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. BERLIN RESIDENCE - DAY]
(SARA is in the residence cutting the window out of the wall. WARRICK walks up to her and puts his bag down.)
Warrick: Damn! Taking the whole window.
(SARA shuts off the saw and looks at WARRICK.)
Sara: Grissom reinstated you.
Warrick: And you have a problem with that.
Sara: Let me guess. Grissom gets you to dime yourself off and now you both feel better? You're supposed to be in court. Instead, you're placing bets for a cheap thrill to satisfy nothing.
Warrick: Hey! This has nothing to do with you. So are we going to work together ... or not?
Sara: I'm already working.
(SARA turns around and starts the saw. WARRICK sighs.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]
(GRISSOM is in the lab working when SARA walks into the room.)
Sara: (abruptly) You weren't in your office.
Grissom: And good morning to you, too, Miss Sidle.
Sara: Warrick has a problem. Ignoring it isn't going to make it go away. You asked me for a report and then you disregard my recommendation.
Grissom: I read your report.
Sara: So you feel comfortable jeopardizing a unit to placate an addict?
Grissom: I see the whole puzzle, Sara. You're only seeing one piece.
Sara: Then at least take him off my case.
Grissom: No. I trust him. Do you trust me?
(The door opens and CATHERINE calls out excitedly to GRISSOM.)
Catherine: Grissom. (She looks and realizes that SARA'S in the room.) I've got something you'll want to see.
(GRISSOM looks at SARA, clears his throat, grabs his folder and heads out the room leaving SARA alone in the lab.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(CATHERINE and GRISSOM walk down the hallway.)
Catherine: You know how you're always pushing that holy trinity stuff?
Grissom: Father, son, holy ghost?
Catherine: Victim, suspect, crime scene.
Grissom: That one, huh?
Catherine: Right. Well, we don't have a victim. We don't have a suspect. All we have is a crime scene -- the restroom at Marty's Market with the message, "I killed five women." So, I figured there had to be four others.
(GRISSOM stops.)
Grissom: You found the other four victims?
(CATHERINE keeps walking and turns around to look at GRISSOM.)
Catherine: No. I found the four other crime scenes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(Set up against the garage wall are five bathroom stall doors.)
Catherine: Brass ran our case through VICAP.
(They step up to look at the stall doors.)
Catherine: I made a few calls ...
(GRISSOM steps up to the doors and reads them one by one.)
Grissom: (reading) "Iv'e killed 1 woman." Victorville. Salt Lake City -- "Iv'e killed 2 women. Catch me if you can?" San Bernardino -- "Iv'e killed 3 women ... " "Iv'e killed 4 women. Catch me!" Mesquite. "...5 women... " Las Vegas.
Catherine: Five stall doors from five supermarket rest rooms. Five missing women, including Margaret Shorey.
Grissom: What else do you know about the crime scenes?
Catherine: Just like Marty's Market -- there was no physical evidence indicating that the women were killed there.
Grissom: Which means they were probably alive when these messages were written making these messages of intention, not fact.
(They stop and look at the stall doors, thinking.)
Grissom: What if we shuffle these doors like Pai Gow tiles?
(GRISSOM moves forward and moves the doors around, putting them in a different order. When he's done, he steps back.)
Grissom: San Bernardino, California. Victorville, California. Las Vegas, Nevada. Mesquite, Nevada. Salt Lake City, Utah.
(As he reads the stall doors by locations, a red road map highway line appears over them with a large circle indicating the city through the red line.)
Catherine: (realizing) Interstate 15. God knows I've driven it enough times.
Grissom: (nods) So has our suspect.
(Camera holds on the door with the road map of Interstate 15 drawn over it.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY]
(GREG hops down from the counter.)
Greg Sanders: Okay, dude, it's ready.
(GREG removes the board he was sitting on.)
Greg Sanders: So this paper should have soaked up any foreign material on the shirt particularly amylase.
(GREG hands the paper to NICK and indicates the hook on the hood for him to hang the paper up on.)
Greg Sanders: Now, I've done this procedure on jeans and leather jackets but never on something like this. It's very see-through. Very Jennifer Lopez.
Nick: Down, boy. What can you tell me? Is there saliva on it?
Greg Sanders: It's going to be a tough one to prove. This is only step one. You see, when a person talks saliva naturally comes out of their mouth. Let's say that we're tossing the hog back and forth, right?
(As GREG talks, the camera makes note of the saliva that comes out of his mouth naturally in illustration of what he just said.)
Greg Sanders: What can you tell me about the hottie that goes inside this blouse, huh? Is it true she's a friend of yours?
Nick: What, is it on the internet? Might as well be. Just remember that.
Greg Sanders: My saliva's getting on you; your saliva's getting on me.
Nick: Gross.
(GREG moves to the side toward the paper. He grabs a spray pump and sprays it on the paper.)
Nick: What's that stuff?
Greg Sanders: Starch and iodine. If this is saliva, we're going to get the old dalmatian effect. So, Nick, uh, if I wanted to meet this friend of yours ... ?
Nick: No.
Greg Sanders: Figured.
(GREG sprays the paper.)
Greg Sanders: That's a pretty big spot. That's more than just a spray. In fact, looks like a distinct glob of spit.
Nick: Then Kristy was telling the truth. But it doesn't mean it was the security guard's spit.
Greg Sanders: Step three.
Nick: I'm going to need a sample.
Greg Sanders: Well, the guy knows he did it. He's not going to cough it up.
Nick: If you saw the girl that went with this blouse ... you'd try.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(SARA and WARRICK interview KENNY BERLIN.)
Kenny Berlin: You found what on my pants?
Sara: Glass. Any idea how it got there?
Kenny Berlin: Well, it's just a guess but someone broke into my car last weekend and smashed my window and made off with my CD player. So I must've been wearing those pants.
Sara: Did you file a police report?
Kenny Berlin: No, but you can check with my insurance company.
Sara: I already checked with my lab. They do this test, and guess what? The glass -- it floated.
Warrick: You know what that means?
Kenny Berlin: No.
Warrick: It means the glass on your pants and the glass from your living room window have equal densities.
Kenny Berlin: Sorry. I was never very good at science.
Warrick: The glass didn't come from any car window. That's science.
Sara: Anything else you'd like to tell us?
Kenny Berlin: Look, it's like I told you. I walked in the house ...
(Quick flashback to: KENNY walks into the room and sees his brother dead on the floor. He grabs the phone and makes the phone call.)
Kenny Berlin: (V.O.) ... and I thought ...
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Kenny Berlin: "They're coming back, and they're going to kill me, too."
(Quick flashback to: KENNY'S inside the house.)
Kenny Berlin: (V.O.) I heard a noise, and I walked to the window.
(KENNY walks over to the window and looks outside. He brushes up against the glass on the table. Some of it falls down to the floor in front of him, possibly inside the cuff of his pants.)
Kenny Berlin: (V.O.) That must be when I got the glass in my pants.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Kenny Berlin: Look, somebody really did break into my car, okay? And I just remembered all that stuff just now. So, am I in trouble?
Warrick: You're free to go.
Sara: No, he's not.
Warrick: We're not cops; we can't hold him.
Sara: Just one more question. What do you do for a living?
Kenny Berlin: I'm a day trader.
Sara: You make a lot of money doing that?
Kenny Berlin: That's two questions.
Sara: Feel free to answer it anyway.
Kenny Berlin: Yeah, you can.
(KENNY heads for the door.)
Sara: (pushing) But you don't, right?
(KENNY doesn't answer and walks out of the room. The door closes and SARA sits down.)
Warrick: Showed him all your cards. Sucker play.
Sara: I was playing him. Cops ran Kenny's financials. He lost a pot in the market. Had a ton of margin calls. I'm surprised you didn't tag him as a fellow gambler.
Warrick: (sighs) Oh, you just don't let up, do you?
Sara: It's a flaw.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]
(GRISSOM walks out of the office and into the hallway where CATHERINE'S waiting for him.)
Catherine: I'll flip you to see who drives.
Grissom: Where we going?
Catherine: Moapa.
Grissom: What's in Moapa?
Catherine: Besides the I-15?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. MOAPA - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. MOAPA -- DAY]
(Off to the side of the highway, a crime scene is being worked on. The SUV drives up, GRISSOM gets out of the car and BRASS meets up with him.)
Brass: So my guys tell me that your guy Nick is helping a working girl at a five-star and it was quite a commotion.
Grissom: Really?
Brass: And if I know, it means a lot of other people know. People bigger than you and me. A kid from a crime lab doing favors for a hooker can't make the unit look too good, huh, boss?
Grissom: Yeah, well, I'll get into it.
Brass: I bet that's just what Nicky said.
(CATHERINE walks past them and toward the crime scene.)
Catherine: You two ladies done talking? It's hot out here.
Brass: That kid over there started to take a leak.
(Quick flashback to: The legs of the body on the ground, her ankles have restraint marks on them.)
Brass: (V.O.) Found the body.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(CATHERINE, GRISSOM and BRASS look at the body.)
Catherine: Well, it's not Margaret. This one's a blonde.
Grissom: And blue. This is bizarre. The body's cold.
Brass: In this heat?
Grissom: And she's stiff -- like a two-minute burrito that's only been nuked for a minute.
WHITE FLASH TO:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(DR. WILLIAMS goes over her findings with CATHERINE and GRISSOM.)
Dr. Jenna Williams: Meet Joan Sims from San Bernardino, California. We've been getting acquainted.
Catherine: (reading) Missing woman number one -- disappeared from a supermarket restroom last July.
Dr. Jenna Williams: Cause of death was strangulation. I found ligature marks on the wrists and the ankles. That was the easy part. This one's weird. Like I-may-use-her-in-a-lecture weird. (beat) Her decomp is completely backwards. It's supposed to begin on the inside but her organs are in better shape than her skin. Take a look at this.
(DR. WILLIAMS leads them over to the scope she has set up on the side counter.)
Dr. Jenna Williams: I took tissue samples from her heart.
[SCOPE VIEW of the heart tissue]
Grissom: Looks like the planet krypton.
Dr. Jenna Williams: More like kryptonite. Those are actually ice crystals, Superman. You want to know why she's blue? Cold to the touch in the middle of the desert? This lady was frozen -- kept on ice until approximately 12 hours ago.
(She steps aside. GRISSOM turns to look at CATHERINE, both of them processing this information.)
Catherine: I-15? Refrigerated?
Grissom: That's how she was transported from San Bernardino to Vegas -- in a refrigerated truck. That's our crime scene.
(beat)
Grissom: And it's mobile.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- DAY]
(GRISSOM looks up and sees something.)
Grissom: Hey, Nick, I been looking for you.
(He meets up with NICK in the hallway, catching him on his way through.)
Grissom: This girl you've been helping with the 416 .. .?
Nick: She got in a fight with a Security Guard.
Grissom: Is she a friend of yours?
Nick: (surprised and offended) Are you asking me what I think you're asking me?
Grissom: Are you doing anything that could compromise the unit?
Nick: I don't believe this. You've always been so cool.
Grissom: I have to ask. It's part of the job.
Nick: Sanders ratted me out, right?
Grissom: No, Brass. Do you want to talk about this?
Nick: I don't think so.
(NICK turns and heads down the hallway leaving GRISSOM behind. He passes CATHERINE on his way out. He bumps into her, holds up a hand in apology and without a word, keeps going.)
Catherine: (to NICK) Excuse you. (to GRISSOM) What's his problem?
Grissom: Me, I guess. Did you find out anything?
Catherine: Brass got us a list of all the refrigerated trucks that made deliveries to the market yesterday.
(She points to something on the clipboard she hands GRISSOM.)
Catherine: There's a female trucker on it.
(GRISSOM smiles.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY]
(SARA and WARRICK conduct an experiment. WARRICK swings the baseball bat and breaks the glass.)
Sara: (smiles) Not bad. I'm impressed.
Warrick: Yeah, passed up a chance to play semipro ball. Went to college instead.
(SARA picks up a sliver of glass and passes WARRICK.)
Sara: I meant the Haeckel marks. Should tell us what we need to know.
(SARA puts the glass under the scope and compares it with the glass at the crime scene.)
Sara: This is the glass you line-drived.
Warrick: That's the glass you "sawzalled."
[SCOPE VIEW of the two glass edges side by side]
Sara: Right angles face the same direction. Take a look.
(SARA steps aside. WARRICK looks at her.)
Warrick: Oh, now I'm worthy?
Sara: Just take a damn look.
(WARRICK looks through the scope.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
Kenny Berlin: That's crazy. I loved my brother.
Warrick: Maybe you did, maybe you didn't, but we think you murdered him.
Kenny Berlin: Based on what?
Warrick: The evidence.
Kenny Berlin: What evidence?!
Sara: You ever heard of Haeckel marks?
Kenny Berlin: No.
Warrick: When a window is broken from the outside which is what a burglar would do ...
(Quick CGI of a bat swinging to the right and a plate of glass shattering. Camera zooms in to the edge of a glass break.)
Warrick: (V.O.) ... Haeckel marks form right angles to the inside of the window.
(End of CGI. Resume to present.)
Warrick: But when a window is broken from the inside which is what a Peckerwood like you would do
(Quick CGI of a bat swinging and a plate of glass shattering. Camera zooms in to the edge of the glass break.)
Warrick: (V.O.) ... Haeckel marks form right angles to the outside of the window.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(KENNY swallows. SARA leans in close.)
Sara: What did you use to break the window, Kenny?
Kenny Berlin: I didn't use anything. I didn't do it. (exhales) I want a lawyer.
(SARA turns around and looks at WARRICK.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(WARRICK and SARA walk out into the hallway)
Warrick: Well, we know he did it.
Sara: We can't prove it, but we got a motive.
Warrick: He needed the money.
Sara: Okay, let's say killing his brother would get it for him.
Warrick: We're back to how do we prove it?
Sara: He's a day trader -- spends all day on his computer. If we want to know more about him that's where we should be looking.
Warrick: And his computer is ... ?
Sara: Still at the house.
Warrick: Still at the house. Well, we got probable cause.
Sara: Why don't we go get a ... ?
Warrick: Why don't you go get a new warrant?
(SARA nods and they leave.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(NICK walks to the office door and peers inside. GRISSOM is working at his desk and doesn't notice NICE. Suddenly, from up above, something starts singing.)
FISH ABOVE DOOR: (singing) I want to know / can you help me, help me ...
(GRISSOM looks up and sees NICK standing there. NICK looks up at the fish hanging above the door, its tail wagging as it sings.)
Grissom: That's my "Big Mouth Billy Bass." It's better than a watchdog. I got valuable stuff in here, you know.
FISH ABOVE DOOR: (singing) Drop me in the water ...
(NICK walks into the office and closes the door.)
Nick: Yeah, I bet there are a lot of people looking to steal your two-headed scorpion. Not to mention "Miss Piggy."
(NICK taps on the jar of the preserved pig fetus on the shelf.)
Nick: I was out of line earlier. I'm not sleeping with her, if it helps any.
Grissom: It does.
Nick: And, for the record she wasn't working -- she was shopping. And the security guard was a jerk, man. He pushed her around, then he spit on her. That's why she lost it.
Grissom: That sounds pretty straightforward. Why don't you put a rookie on it?
Nick: I can't. There's something about her. Looking at her. She doesn't have anybody else. I had Sanders run a test on the shirt. There's saliva on it but the problem is, I can't get a match. The security guard refuses to give me a sample.
Grissom: "If Muhammad won't go to the mountain then the mountain must go to Muhammad." Think about it.
(NICK smiles and nods.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- BREAK ROOM]
(The SECURITY GUARD puts the coffee cup on the table.)
Nick: Black, no sugar.
Security Guard: Yeah, thanks.
Nick: Like I said on the phone I don't want to seem biased here. This girl's nothing to me. She's a hooker.
Security Guard: Yeah, but you do know her.
Nick: Yeah, professionally. But my profession, not hers. I cut her some slack a while back. She's bad news but she's a babe.
Security Guard: Tell me about it. (He chuckles.)
Nick: Yeah, between you and me, I should have busted her, but I thought I might get lucky.
Security Guard: Yeah.
Nick: Yeah. Next time she gets in a jam she throws my name out. My boss not pleased. So ... (he clears his throat) Tell me what you think. (NICK takes out a pen and paper.) I want you to write down your own statement seal it up in this envelope and I'll hand deliver it to the DA. It'll be good for both of us.
Security Guard: (takes the pen) Yeah. Thanks, man.
Nick: No problem. Us guys have got to stick together, right? That's right.
Security Guard: That's right. Yeah.
(The SECURITY GUARD takes the pen and starts writing. NICK stands up and gets himself a cup of coffee while keeping a watchful eye on the SECURITY GUARD.)
(The SECURITY GUARD finishes and puts it in the envelope. He licks the envelope. NICK smiles.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. ROADWAY -- DAY]
(The FEMALE TRUCKER speaks with GRISSOM.)
Female Trucker: Of course I graduated high school. Hey, if this is going to take forever I could lay a urine sample on you, too gratis.
Grissom: A writing sample will be sufficient, thank you.
Female Trucker: What's that going to tell you -- whether I was writing under the influence?
(CATHERINE walks over and hands the woman some paper and something to write on.)
Catherine: Do yourself a favor.
Female Trucker: Yes, ma'am. Now, what is it that you want me to write?
Catherine: "I've got a kite. Can you see the women? Kill the lights."
Female Trucker: That's what you want me to write?
(CATHERINE gives her a pen.)
Catherine: Three times.
(The FEMALE TRUCKER moves off to the side to write.)
Catherine: Caucasian female with only a high school education and left-handed.
(The FEMALE TRUCKER finishes; BRASS takes the sample.)
Brass: You can keep the pen as a souvenir.
(He gives it to CATHERINE. She looks at the sample, then heads for the car.)
Catherine: I'll be right back.
Female Trucker: Hey, come on! You're making me late.
(She starts after CATHERINE.)
Brass: Hey, hey, hey.
(BRASS grabs her and pulls her back to rest against the car.)
Brass: Two cheeks on the car. There you go.
(GRISSOM and BRASS ... and everyone ... waits while CATHERINE faxes the writing sample over to the lab.)
INTERCUT WITH:
[INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(DR. RAMBAR receives the fax and compares the handwriting to the stall door photos. He circles the comparison points and holds up the paper to the photos.)
(Cut back to: CATHERINE is on the phone.)
Catherine: (on phone) Okay, thanks. (hangs up) (shakes her head) She's not the one.
Female Trucker: So, did I win something?
Catherine: The right to keep on trucking.
(The FEMALE TRUCKER laughs. BRASS holds up her truck keys.)
Brass: Here you go, bubba.
Female Trucker: Hey, we're outta here!
Grissom: You know, I'm starting to think that maybe we should be looking for a man. Only three percent of multiple killers are female. And a woman wouldn't need a trophy. And a body on ice is definitely a trophy.
Catherine: Well, Ms. Hard-ass travels with her boyfriend. I bet you a lot of guys travel with their girlfriends.
Grissom: What if it was a man with a woman who would do anything he asked?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - PARKING LOT -- DAY]
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE drive the SUV back into the parking lot. They pass NICK, who is talking with KRISTY HOPKINS next to her car.)
Nick: "Us guys have to stick together, right?" He said, "right. You the man!"
(She laughs.)
Nick: So, I mean, I could have used an STR-DNA but it's too state-of-the-art; it's overkill. So I used an HLA-DQ A1, with a ... polymarker.
(She nods as if she understand, but NICK realizes that he's lost her.)
Kristy Hopkins: That's-that's very, very interesting.
(She leans against the open car door and smiles at him.)
Nick: (smiles) You don't care about this at all, do you?
Kristy Hopkins: No. (chuckles) ... but to be honest with you, all I really care about is whether the charges against me are going to be dropped. (pauses) Are they?
(NICK takes a moment and let's her wait for his answer.)
Nick: DA threw out the case.
Kristy Hopkins: Great. (chuckles) (deadpans) So I can shoplift at that boutique again? (NICK reacts to that statement.) (she laughs and grabs his shirt) I was kidding, I was kidding. Besides, they never have any good sales there, anyway. (chuckles)
(They stop laughing. Both standing incredibly close to the other.)
Kristy Hopkins: I'd invite you out for coffee, it's probably a bad idea, huh?
Nick: Yeah.
Kristy Hopkins: Yeah. But I can call you sometime, you know just in case I ever get into trouble or something.
Nick: (smiles) Maybe you should try not getting into trouble. You do owe me one.
Kristy Hopkins: (seriously) I owe you two.
(She stands up and leans in to kiss NICK on the cheek. NICK takes a breath and a step back from her.)
Nick: You know where to find me.
(He nods and walks away. KRISTY watches NICK leave. She smiles, then finally gets into her car.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. BERLIN RESIDENCE - DAY]
(The DETECTIVE is on the phone. SARA and WARRICK walk into the living room.)
Detective: (on phone) Is that right? (hangs up) Your boy Kenny just lawyered up.
Warrick: Well, we got a warrant so that should give us the room for the night.
(SARA sits at the desk and turns the computer on. Nothing happens.)
Sara: There's something wrong with it.
Warrick: Computers turn on. When they don't, it's for a reason. Did you plug it in?
Sara: The power light's on.
Warrick: Really?
(WARRICK grabs the unit.)
Warrick: Let me check it out.
(He opens up the case and stops at what he finds inside.)
Warrick: Well, he's a sneaky S.O.B. I'll give him that.
(SARA stands up and looks inside.)
Sara: Oh, no one is going to believe this.
(WARRICK snaps a photo.)
Warrick: All right.
(SARA picks up the gun and looks at the handle.)
Warrick: Let me see that flashlight. There's scratches all over it.
Sara: Nothing really special about them.
Warrick: And the hotshot takes another strike. Check it out. Not enough to cause even a small scratch on your finger, but more than enough to use as a basis of comparison.
(Camera zooms into the piece of glass stuck in the bottom of the handle. WARRICK takes it out.)
Sara: We match this to the broken window, we got him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(WARRICK and SARA test the glass.)
Warrick: One, two, three.
(The pieces of glass are dropped into two different glass containers.)
Warrick: Left one is from the broken window the other one is from the gun both dropping at an identical rate. Glass is from the same source.
Sara: So, Kenny broke the window from the inside using the butt of the gun.
Warrick: My theory ... the brother was the executor of the parents' estate. He controlled the family money.
Sara: Sounds like more than a theory.
Warrick: I called the county clerk. With the brother out of the way, Kenny is the sole beneficiary.
(Quick flashback to: KENNY pulls a gun on JEFF.)
Kenny Berlin: Do you have any idea how much money I've lost?
Jeff Berlin: Kenny, come on. What are you doing? I'm your brother, okay? I already said I'd loan you the money, okay?
Kenny Berlin: (shouts) Come on! $20,000? That doesn't even begin to solve my problems!
(KENNY fires twice. JEFF falls to the floor. KENNY looks around. He tosses the room. He walks over to the window and breaks it with the gun. He goes to the computer and puts the gun inside.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Warrick: Slam that jail door. (He looks at SARA.) Makes you reconsider, doesn't it?
(SARA knows exactly what he's referencing.)
Sara: I never said you weren't a good CSI.
(SARA walks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TRUCKING MAIN OFFICE]
(CATHERINE and GRISSOM speak with the DISPATCHER. She shows them the monitor which has a picture of a map with all the trucks out on the road represented by flashing red rectangles. The screen is riddled with them.)
Dispatcher: We're state-of-the-art here -- number one in vehicle satellite tracking. I can locate one or all of our trucks with just a click of a mouse, 24-7.
Grissom: (to CATHERINE) Do you ever worry that technology is going to make us obsolete?
Catherine: (firmly) No.
Grissom: Can you, uh, narrow your database? Say, eliminate all trucks that are not refrigerated?
Dispatcher: Yeah, I think I can.
(The DISPATCHER works on the keyboard and some of the red dots disappear.)
Grissom: Can you eliminate all trucks that were not in Las Vegas yesterday?
(More red dots disappear.)
Catherine: Eliminate all trucks that only travel in state.
(More red dots disappear.)
Catherine: Now eliminate the trucks that don't deliver to supermarkets along the I-15.
(They work to reduce the number of truck possibilities. There are only three flashing red dots on the monitor.)
Grissom: This is very cool. Eliminate all trucks that did not deliver to Marty's Market yesterday.
(She enters in the field condition. Camera cuts to the monitor where there are four flashing red dots. All but one disappear.)
Catherine: That's our guy. He delivered to all five towns -- all five supermarkets.
Grissom: Where is he now?
(Camera zooms in to the red flashing rectangle on screen.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. -- DAY]
(A man signs a clipboard. He looks up when the police cars drive up and surround him. OFFICERS with their weapons drawn exit the cars.)
Officers: Police! Get your hands up! OFFICERS: Come out now!
(BRASS gets out of the car with his gun drawn.)
Brass: Police! Step away from the truck, put your hands on the back of your head! Keep your hands in sight!
(The truck door opens and a woman gets out of the front seat.)
Brass: Get out of the truck!
Officer: Hands over your head!
(BRASS walks up to the MALE TRUCKER with the clipboard in his hand.)
Brass: Step away from the truck. Put your hands on the back of your head.
Male Trucker: I'm just making my regular delivery.
Brass: Don't make me ask you twice. Move! Hands on the back of your head! Hands on the back of your head!
(The MALE TRUCKER puts the clipboard down and complies.)
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE get out of their cars, watch and wait.)
Brass: Left hand on the wall, right hand on the wall. Check him for weapons.
Officer: (b.g.) Spread your legs.
(BRASS approaches the back of the truck.)
Male Trucker: Hey, get away from my truck!
Grissom: It's not your truck anymore. It's our crime scene.
Officer: Check the cab.
(The OFFICER follows BRASS into the truck, then backs out. BRASS appears holstering his gun.)
Brass: It's all yours.
Cop: (b.g.) All clean here, sir.
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE step into the back of the truck.)
(Cut to: [INT. TRUCK - CONTINUOUS])
(GRISSOM walks inside, weaving in between the large pieces of frozen meat wrapped in plastic. He looks at a particularly long and thing piece of meat hanging in front of him and moves to unwrap it.)
(It's just a piece of frozen meat.)
(CATHERINE walks past GRISSOM to the back of the truck where a smaller refrigerator unit is. GRISSOM watches her and helps her open it.)
(There's no bodies inside, just smaller pieces of items wrapped plastic.)
(They reach the back of the truck where they find another refrigerator unit. GRISSOM and CATHERINE open it. They both gasp at the frozen bodies inside.)
(CATHERINE sighs.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. - DAY]
(CATHERINE walks toward the MALE TRUCKER.)
Catherine: We got three.
(GRISSOM walks past CATHERINE and turns the MALE TRUCKER around to face him.)
Grissom: (grimly) Where is she? Where is Margaret Shorey?
Male Trucker: (flippantly) Screw you, man.
Grissom: Look, pal, I already know what happened. I even know your type -- decent, trusting, middle-aged women.
(Quick flashback to: Inside the bathroom at Marty's Market, MARGARET SHOREY is scrubbing the mustard off of her dress.)
Girlfriend: Please help me. You got to help me! I locked my baby in the car!
Margaret Shorey: Did you call the manager?
Girlfriend: It is so hot, she's going to die. Please help me!
Margaret Shorey: All ... all right.
(Cut to: Outside in the back of the market, the GIRLFRIEND leads MARGARET SHOREY to her "car".)
Margaret Shorey: Where's your car?
Girlfriend: This way.
(The MALE TRUCKER jumps out from between the crates and grabs MARGARET SHOREY from behind. She screams.)
Male Trucker: Go on! Write it!
(The GIRLFRIEND looks around as MARGARET SHOREY continues to scream. She hesitates, then heads back into the Market.)
(Cut back to: Inside the bathroom, the GIRLFRIEND uncaps the marker and writes the message on the stall door.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(BRASS grabs both the MALE TRUCKER and the GIRLFRIEND, each arm around each of their shoulders.)
Brass: Okay. All right, listen. The first one of you lowlifes can name that tune gets to make a deal. Hmm? The difference between the chair or life in prison. So ...
(She looks around, then speaks up.)
Girlfriend: He made me do it.
(The MALE TRUCKER lunges for her. She screams.)
Brass: Cuff him.
(The officers take the Male Trucker away.)
Brass: (softly) Hey, hey, hey ... Where is she?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE head into the front of the truck. GRISSOM crawls inside and checks out their seats. They lift the mattress up.)
Grissom: There's a lock. Are there any keys?
(CATHERINE looks around and finds some.)
Catherine: Try this.
(They unlock the compartment and find MARGARET SHOREY bound and gagged inside.)
Grissom: Hello, Margaret. My name is Gil. This is Catherine.
Catherine: We're going to take you home.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - WAITING ROOM]
(SARA walks in to the main reception area. In the waiting room, a boy holding a football sits alone. He appears to be looking for someone.)
Sara: You look lost.
Jason: Oh... yeah. Do you know Warrick Brown?
Sara: Yeah. You want me to tell him you're here?
Jason: Oh, he's probably working. He works really hard. If you see him could you just tell him that, uh, Jason says thanks?
Sara: Okay. Will he know what for?
Jason: Uh ...
(WARRICK walks in and sees JASON.)
Warrick: Hey, Jas, how you doing?
Jason: Better. Hey, thanks for busting me loose. My mom said she'll pay you back.
WARRICK No, you'll pay me back, Shorty. Just don't be pulling any more fire alarms.
(SARA looks down and puts it all together.)
Jason: Oh, I won't
Warrick: Gets you more attention than you want.
Jason: I know.
Warrick: You still working on those moves I showed you?
Jason: Yeah, every day after school.
(They spar for a moment; SARA smiles.)
Warrick: How about that? How about that right there? Good.
Jason: Hey, I got to go. My mom's waiting for me.
Warrick: Hey, come here.
(WARRICK leans over and puts his hand around JASON'S shoulders to speak confidentially to him.)
Warrick: Apologize to your mom, all right? Let her know she can trust you.
Jason: Yeah.
Warrick: All right?
(SARA definitely overhears it.)
Jason: Bye, Warrick. Uh ... see you next week.
Warrick: See you next week, jaws.
(JASON leaves.)
Sara: So you went to the casino to win bail money.
Warrick: He needed my help. I didn't win anything, Sara. You're a CSI. You saw me enter a casino. Did you see me place a bet?
Sara: You want to tell me you didn't?
Warrick: I don't have to tell you anything. (sighs) Look, I went there to collect a debt that was owed to me. (pause) We're supposed to be working together. Next time, just try talking to me instead of going around behind my back.
(WARRICK turns and leaves. SARA watches him walk down the hallway.) | Plan: A: a supermarket; Q: Where is a woman abducted from? A: Grissom; Q: Who finds a text on a bathroom door that leads him to believe that five women have been murdered? A: personal differences; Q: What do Warrick and Sara have to put aside to investigate the murder of a man? A: a man; Q: Who is the victim of the murder and robbery that Warrick and Sara are investigating? A: his brother; Q: Who found the man who was robbed and murdered? A: the rescue; Q: What does Nick have to come to for Kristy Hopkins? A: Kristy Hopkins; Q: Who does Nick have to rescue when she gets into a scuffle with a hotel security guard? Summary: When a woman is abducted from a supermarket, Grissom finds a text on a bathroom door that leads him to believe that five women have been murdered. Meanwhile Warrick and Sara have to put personal differences aside to investigate the apparent murder and robbery of a man who has been found by his brother. Nick has to come to the rescue of his friend, Kristy Hopkins, again when she gets into a scuffle with a hotel security guard. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Bob: Well, at least we saved one of them.
(Wolf pup whines)
Ty: Hey! Where do you get off telling her that you love her!
Ahmed: Of course I love her. All you do is hold her back.
Ty: Ungh!
Ahmed: (Groans)
I think we need a break. No, Ty, I mean... I love you so much!
(Truck rumbles away)
(Tack jingles lightly, hooves clop on rocks)
(Water splashes)
(Hooves thunder)
(Spartan grunts, hooves thunder)
(Tack jingles lightly, spartan snorts softly)
(Truck rumbles to a halt)
(Spartan grunts and snorts)
(Phone rings)
(Phone beeps on)
Ty: Hey, Caleb. Yeah, I'm here... why?
Caleb: Well, I didn't wanna just barge in, in case you weren't alone.
(Phone beeps off)
Why wouldn't I be? It's just as easy to make up as it is to break up. It's not a break up, okay? It's a break. We're... taking a break. Well, whatever you choose to call it, I respect your decision. Just, uh, here to check up on ya. See how other things are going. Well, I appreciate it, but I actually have to get going because... I'm gonna be late for work. Well, it's good you got so much work. It helps keep your mind off the decision. (Sighs) It's all good, Caleb. Stay, finish your coffee.
(Horse snorts, tack jingles)
Georgie: Ty!
Hey! What're you doing here? Well, I was on a trail ride and I thought I'd stop by. Bad timing. I'm just on my way to the reserve for an early shift. Oh, I can't stop thinking about that poor momma wolf. I mean, how's the baby doing? Not good. He needs a lot of care. Well, maybe I could come with you and help out sometime. Yeah, sure. Not today, but another time.
Georgie: Ty... I mean... even though you and Amy are... We're still good, right? Yeah. Why wouldn't we be? Nothing's changed.
(Truck door opens)
(Quietly) Everything's changed.
(Birds chirp)
(Spray bottle spritzes)
Jade: Geez, what'd the window ever do to you?
Jade? What are you doing here? Well, Jack said I should come talk to you. Oh, yeah, right. He... He mentioned you might be looking for a job. Yeah, I just got my license and I'll never be able to afford my own car with my pathetic allowance. So do you have any experience in the hospitality industry? Why would I? Because you're asking me for a job. Well, do you need my help or not? Okay. Let's see how you do washing windows. Wait. You want me to start like now? Mm-hmm. All four.
Katie: Here.
Jack: Is that for me? Thank you, sweetheart.
Katie: You're welcome, GG. Well, you know, I would like to send this to Lisa 'cause she's in France right now and feeling real homesick, and I bet this would cheer her up.
(Cell phone rings)
Jack: Where'd you get off to this morning?
Georgie: Uh, nowhere. This is Amy's phone, right?
Well, it doesn't matter 'cause it's not yours to answer.
(Phone continues ringing)
What if it's from Ty? Well, he'll call back. But what if it goes to voice-mail and then he thinks she's ignoring him on purpose?
Jack: What if Amy left her phone here on purpose?
(Door creaks open and shut)
Amy: (Sighs) Thank you. (Phone beeps)
Hello? Is it Ty?
Amy: Sandra, hold on. Wait. What's wrong? What is it?
Sandra: That's Flirty and Disco. I made this video for my website.
Amy: Wow! They are amazing together. So how long have you been doing liberty work?
Sandra: For a while now. We even booked the halftime show at the Longview rodeo. But now that Disco's injured, I might have to cancel. What did the vet say? Torn suspensory ligament. At least six months off work. Maybe longer. That's rough.
Sandra: You know how long it takes to train a liberty horse. I've probably spent more time with Disco than I have with my husband. (Laughs) So? What can I do? The impossible. That's why I'm here.
S08E05
♪ And at the break of day you sank into your dream ♪ ♪ You dreamer ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh... ♪ ♪ You dreamer ♪ ♪ you dreamer ♪
You know, he really is a good looking horse.
Sandra: Hustle? Yeah, I picked him up at an auction last winter. He's really smart.
Amy: Have you started working with him? We've tried, but he didn't respond to me too well. And Longview's in three weeks, so... good luck. Well, no promises, but I'll do my best. That's all I'm asking. Poor Flirty. His heart is broken. It's as bad as the worst break-up. Disco and Flirty didn't just perform together, they were inseparable. Poor boy. It's rough, but life goes on.
(Wolf pup whines)
How's the pup? Actually, he's not doing too good. Yeah, orphan pups rarely do. He'd feed 24/7 if he could. Yeah. Total time suck. You know what this guy needs is a surrogate. Or somebody to look after him, but it's a full-time job. Well, any chance you can pull some extra hours this week? Any chance there's a dollar amount attached to that offer? (Laughs) Just think of the extra experience as money in the bank.
(Pail rattles, pup whines)
Georgie: Jade?
Jade: Hey, kid.
Georgie: What're you doing here?
I'm working for Lou, at the Dude Ranch. I'm trying to make some money so I can get my own car. Apparently if you don't have wheels around here, you have no social life. You have no idea how tough it is being the new kid at school. Oh, wait. You probably do. (Sighs) But in high school it's way worse 'cause everybody has their own little cliques already. Well, maybe you just need to try harder to make new friends? Like what, throw my own party? Yeah, right. My mom would be all like, "hey, it's so great to meet some of Jade's new friends, who's up for some pop and chips?" I'd look like a total loser. At least people would know who you are.
(Receding footsteps)
Amy: Good boy. Here...
Good boy.
Georgie: He's doing pretty good.
Amy: He seems fine on his own. Whoa... Let's see how he does with his new partner.
Georgie: All right.
Amy: Okay, Hustle. Now, you two can learn to be buddies, all right?
(Amy clucks her tongue)
(Flirty snorts softly and grunts)
Georgie: Uh... or not.
Amy: Well, I knew it would take some time.
Georgie: But I thought you said you didn't have time.
Amy: I don't.
Let's try it again.
(Amy clucks her tongue)
Good boy. Come on, Flirty! No... You're supposed to work together.
Georgie: You expecting someone?
Amy: That looks like Jesse Stanton's truck. Just what I need right now. You wanna take him?
Georgie: Here, yeah.
Amy: Thanks.
(Truck rumbles)
(Hustle grunts)
(Gate clanks shut)
Hey there. (Slams door shut) I was in the area so I thought I'd stop by and say hi to my favourite horse whisperer. My answer's still no, Jesse. What do you mean? I'm not gonna work at Briar Ridge.
Jesse: Oh, yeah. You, uh, you made that quite clear. So I found myself another trainer and she is amazing. So you came all the way out here to tell me that? Well, I thought I owed you fair warning. You're not the only game in town any more.
Amy: You know, working with horses is not a competition, Jesse. (Laughs) Everything in life's a competition. But I prefer to keep it friendly, so... best of luck to you.
(Sighs)
Jack: So who is this other horse trainer?
Amy: I don't know, and I don't really care, to be honest.
Lou: You sure sound like you do.
Are you sure you're not having second thoughts about turning down Jesse's offer?
Amy: I just don't like how smug he was about the whole thing.
(Sighs)
Lou: Hey! Ty.
Ty: Hey.
Amy: Hey.
Ty: Is, uh, is Georgie around here or...?
Amy: Uh... (Chuckles softly) Yeah, she is.
Georgie?
(Approaching footsteps)
Georgie: Ty!
Ty: Hey.
You said you wanted to help, right?
Georgie: Uh-huh.
Ty: 'Kay.
Georgie: (Gasps)
Lou: Oh, Ty, are you kidding?
Georgie: Oh, but he's adorable. Hello! Oh my goodness, aren't you so cute?!
(Gasps excitedly)
Ty: Lou's right; He needs a lot of care to build up his strength.
We just... we don't have the manpower right now.
Lou: I don't know, Ty. I mean... he's a big responsibility.
Georgie: Come on, Lou. Look at him. You can't say no to that face.
Lou: You're right, I can't. (Laughs) What's the drill, Ty?
Ty: Keep him warm. Feed him as much and as often as he'll take.
Georgie: Okay. I can do that.
Ty: I know you can, Georgie, but here's the hard part. He's a wolf, all right? And I know that human contact might seem like a good idea in the short term. You can't let him imprint on you, all right? The goal is to return him to the wild.
Georgie: All right. I get it. Feed him, keep him warm, (babying voice) and don't get too involved.
Ty: I'm serious, okay? You have any problems, you give me a call.
Georgie: Okay. Will do. One last thing. He sleeps in his cage.
Georgie: (Whines) Oh...
(Wolf pup whines)
(Hooves clop)
(Truck engine rumbles)
(Truck rumbles away)
(Birds sing)
(Chirping and twittering, foliage crunches underfoot)
(Flies buzz, Ty sighs)
(Flies buzz loudly)
Lou: (Light knock) Wake up, sleepyhead!
Katie: It's a puppy!
Lou: Perfect.
No, Katie, not a puppy.
Georgie: He was in his crate most of the night, but then he started to cry.
Lou: And what about what Ty said about imprinting and reintegration back into the wild?
Katie: Aw-oaf!
Lou: Uh, Katie, don't touch the puppy. Wolf.
Georgie: I know he said that, but he also said to keep him warm and feed him all the time. He's so cute! Come on... He doesn't even have a real mom. I'm all he's got. What about not getting too attached? I'm not! But, Lou, he's just a puppy. A wolf puppy.
Georgie: No, no, no, no...
Lou: And from now on, this little guy is going to be an outdoor wolf.
Georgie: (Sighs)
Lou: don't look at me like that. (Wolf pup whines) You either.
Bob: Damn poachers. This is incredible. It looks like a healthy female, too. What a waste.
(Flies buzz loudly)
Ty: (Sighs) So what do we do?
Bob: That's the unbelievable part. There's nothing we can do.
Poaching is a sad reality, man. Well, it may be a reality, but we gotta do something.
Bob: We could call the police. Like how many times have I tried that before? But what are they gonna do?
Ty: Investigate. Look, there's no nock on the arrow. A crossbow killed her. Check this out, there's a cut in her abdomen. It looks like a surgical incision.
Bob: Well, there's your story right there. They removed her gall bladder. What for? Bear bile is worth its weight in gold. They use it in traditional Chinese medicine. Wait. How is that legal? (Laughs) Well, it isn't. But it makes big money through international smuggling.
(Grunts)
To them, life's cheap, Ty. Come on, let's move. We gotta bury her.
(Flies buzz, birds chirp)
Amy: That's it, here we go.
(Flirty and Hustle grunt, Amy clucks her tongue)
Okay, I'm gonna try something simple. I want them to change direction in the circle. Keep moving... That's right. Good!
(Blows out her breath)
Settle... Settle. It's okay. Hey, hey. You're all right. Hustle! Easy. Whoa... Come on, boy.
Jack: Well, hello, Sandra! How's it going?
Sandra: Not great. Hustle was game, but now even he's not cooperating.
Jack: Yeah, Amy tells me you're dealing with an injured horse.
Sandra: Yeah. He'll be out of commission for months. Sorry to hear it. Looks like that guy might be missing his significant other. I can relate. Lisa's out of town again.
Sandra: Oh yeah, I heard you got married! Congratulations!
Jack: Why thank you very much. Grandpa, I'm trying work these horses and you are not helping. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. No, that's all right. I'll leave you two to get at it. You know what, Sandra? I... I think, clearly, I need a break. Let's just let these guys have a moment. For sure. Whatever you think is best.
Amy: Actually, what I think is best is just to call it a day. Don't we wanna end on a positive note? Yeah, but I also don't wanna push it. Look. Amy, either they're gonna gel as a pair or they won't. I'd rather know sooner than later. They may not be working perfectly together, but they're getting along a lot better than yesterday. Really? What's this bite on his back?
Amy: (Sighs) Yeah, Flirty nipped at Hustle, but I'm trying, I really am.
(Truck engine rumbles)
I'm sorry, grandpa. Not one of my better days. There's always tomorrow. Oh, something to look forward to. That's why you might wanna tell Sandra what's going on with you. What's going on with me? Mm-hmm. Do you mean with Ty? Grandpa, Sandra is a client, okay? I'm not gonna share my personal issues with a cl... She's also your friend. Well, you don't have to go into detail, but that gray horse out there, that's not the only one who's got a partner that's suddenly gone missing.
(Receding footsteps)
Bob: Yeah, bear bile's used to treat all kinds of conditions: Fever, diabetes, heart disease.
A single gall bladder can fetch anywhere from three to ten thousand dollars.
Ty: Ten thousand dollars for a gallbladder.
Bob: Yeah. We are definitely in the wrong business.
(Food pours from pail)
(Cell phone rings)
Ty: Hello.
Hey, Georgie. Well, slow down a second. What? What's wrong with him? Okay. I'll be right there. Okay. That was, uh, Georgie. She's the girl who's looking after the wolf pup. She's having a little problem with him. I should just probably go check up on her. All right. Yeah, you can take off. I can handle this myself.
Ty: You're sure?
Bob: Oh yeah. Absolutely.
Ty: Thanks, man. All right, I'll be back in a bit.
Bob: Yup.
Sandra: I got your message. What's up?
Amy: (Sighs) Just after this morning, I... figured we needed to talk.
Sandra: Okay...
Amy: It's just... Look, I'm going through some personal issues. It's no big deal, but I feel like the horses may have picked up on my mood and that's why the work's not going as well as I'd hoped.
Sandra: Okay. Nothing serious, I hope.
Amy: No. I'll pull through, I'm sure. It's just I might need a little more time than I have and I know you need them right away. But I hear there's this new trainer at Briar Ridge. Oh, I know all about her. You do? Jesse Stanton's been calling the past couple of days. I keep telling him I'm sticking with you. I do appreciate it, but under the circumstances, maybe you should give her a try. You sure? Yeah. Yeah, you know what? I'll haul your horses over there and that'll give me a chance to talk with her and let her know how it's going. All right, if you think that's best.
Amy: Thanks.
(People chatter, horses whinny)
Jesse: So these are my new clients.
Amy: Meet Flirty and Hustle.
I just thought I'd come by and talk to your new trainer and fill them in on my progress.
Jesse: Oh, she is amazing. She'll take one look and figure them out. She's known, like, all over the world. Wow! You were able to get someone that good to work for you? Well, I uh... I couldn't convince you.
Tate: So... you're saying I was your second choice? (Laughs) We, uh... We go way back, so I had to give her first crack, as a courtesy. Allow me to introduce Tate Evans. Tate, this is Amy...
Tate: I know who Amy Fleming is. She's the "Miracle Girl." (Laughs) Jesse here was explaining that you have quite the background in liberty work. Yeah, I was a trainer at a travelling horse show "Cheval Fantastique." Yeah, I know them. They're incredible. They do amazing work with horses! I just got back from our European tour. Oh. Amy just got back from Europe as well, on the show-jumping circuit. Yeah, so anyway, I thought I would come by and show you the progress on these two.
Tate: No need for that. Sandra's coming by soon. I'd prefer to deal directly with our client.
(Horse whinnies in the distance)
Ty: So... when did he stop drinking his formula?
Georgie: About an hour ago.
Ty: Well, maybe he's just not hungry.
Georgie: Well, you said to call if there was anything wrong.
Ty: Yeah. But maybe he just needs some more time to settle in.
You gotta wait and see.
Georgie: Well, it's just... I know him, Ty, okay? Ever since Lou banned him from the house, poor fang has been crying nonstop. Fang? That's his name.
Ty: (Sighs heavily) Well, he's not dehydrated. Maybe he's ready for some solid food. Well, what do they eat?
Ty: In the wild, his mom would digest their food and then regurgitate it up into her mouth, and then the pups would lick it up. Gross! Well, that's nature for you.
(Truck rumbles)
Ty: You know, maybe you could liquefy some raw meat in a blender and try feeding it to him.
(Truck idles and shuts off)
Well, not with my mouth, right? You can use a spoon.
Georgie: You know, Lou is making meatloaf for supper, if you want to stay.
Ty: That sounds good, but I'm gonna have to pass.
(Case thunks)
Amy: Hey! (Truck door shuts)
How's the wolf pup? So far, so good.
Amy: How's work?
Ty: It's interesting. You? It's-it's good. Yeah, it's great. Well, I'll see ya.
(Door bangs shut, engine starts up)
(Truck rumbles away)
Amy: What? It's not like he came to see me.
(Georgie sighs heavily, dog barks in the distance)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(SUV rumbles to a halt)
(Birds chirp and twitter)
(Door bangs shut) Jade?!
(Sighs)
Jade?!
(Door opens)
Jade! Jade! Jade!
Jade: Dude! You didn't have to yell in my ear.
Lou: Apparently I did. What do you think you're doing?
Jade: I was just resting my eyes. I mowed the lawn like you said.
Lou: You mowed half the lawn. Badly. Now get back out there and finish it. Chill out, Lou. Geez, I thought you'd be a cool boss. And I thought you wanted a job. Nobody wants a job. I need a job. Okay, well then you better start taking this seriously.
Jade: Yes, ma'am.
Lou: (Annoyed sigh) Jade, come back here and remake this bed!
Bob: What'd you find here, Sherlock?
Ty: Trail of blood. It ends right here. See? There's more right there. So she must've run off to where we found her... 'cause there's more there... and more right there. So the bear must have been shot... right around here. That camera, that a part of your security? Nope. Never seen it before. Well, someone put it there for a reason. Along with that. Look, Ty, come on. Leave it, all right? Let's go.
Ty: You said yourself the poaching's been going on for a while.
Bob: (Warily) Yeah.
Ty: Well... that's how they get them here, and that's how they know when they're coming. I'm gonna take a look at their pictures. Knock yourself out, but I'm telling you, man, these poachers aren't just a bunch of yahoos shooting deer out of season. Yeah, I get it, man, but don't you want to stop this?
Bob: Yeah, I do, but what I really want is to go home after work in one piece, okay? And so should you.
(Birds chirp)
(Camera rattles and scrapes)
Hold on, Sandra. Look I wasn't getting anywhere either. Well, I couldn't connect. No, I'm sorry, I can't hehelp you. Bye. (Phone beeps off) Sandra's not happy with Jesse's new trainer and she wants me to give it another try.
Lou: So why don't you?
Amy: Because I already failed once.
Lou: Amy.
Amy: Thank you. I can't stand seeing her like this. Since when has she ever given up on a horse? Thank you. It is all about her and Ty, and we have to do something about it.
Jack: We do?
Lou: Yes! Grandpa, this is important. I mean... I thought about talking to Ty myself, but what would I say? I...
Jack: Well, what can anybody say about another person's relationship? Not just anybody. You. You, grandpa. You have that thing with Ty. You have that bonding relationship. You could talk to him and make him understand that whatever happened with Ahmed... He's overreacting. They'll sort things out one way or another. But what if it's the wrong way?
(Crickets chirp)
(Birds chirp)
(Grass crunches underfoot, Lou's cell phone rings)
Lou: Oh, Jade, can you answer that please?
(Bag thuds, phone continues ringing)
Jade: Hello.
Yeah, this is the Heartland Equestrian Connection. This is Jade. Cancellation? You do know it's kind of late for that, huh? I mean, there's no way you're getting your deposit back.
Lou: (Whispers) Jade!
Jade: Well, maybe you should've read the reservation agreement. Ja-(Phone beeps off) You hung up? Listen, you cannot talk to customers like that, okay? We rely on repeat business and word of mouth. Well, you also rely on people paying you, don't you? I mean... Now you just have three cabins sitting there empty. But at least I get to call it a day, right?
Lou: Yeah, nice try. With no guests, that makes it the perfect day for a floor to ceiling cleaning.
Jade: (Annoyed sigh)
(Truck rumbles up outside, keyboard key clacks)
(Truck door bangs shut, knocking)
Ty: Hello.
Hey, Jack. What's going on?
Jack: (Chuckles) Well, I was just passing by and I figured that you gotta know how to brew a half-decent cup of coffee by now.
Ty: (Laughs) Come on in. I'll grab you a cup. Take a seat.
Jack: Well, what do you got going here?
Ty: Just some images off a surveillance camera. The resolution sucks though. So... why are you really here?
Jack: Oh, because of you. Because you're not just a guy who was gonna marry my granddaughter. Because you're family, and it's been that way from day one. For me too, Jack.
Jack: Well... I didn't wanna get involved. But you and Amy, regardless of your issues, I bet you still love her and she's still wearing your ring.
Ty: Of course I still love her. Love is not the problem. Well, if it's got anything to do with that prince fella...
Ty: No, it has nothing to do with him.
(Sighs)
It has something to do with what he said though. He said, I'm the one who holds her back, who prevents her from having a future. I don't wanna be that guy, Jack. He's right; Amy has huge potential, huge. She could do anything, go anywhere. She could travel the world if she wants to. That's her decision to make. I would rather lose Amy than be the guy who stands in her way.
Sandra: Amy! Sorry, I just need to speak with you one more time.
Amy: Sandra...
Sandra: No, listen. I've seen you working with my horses, I know what you can do. But Jesse's trainer, Tate, none of what she's does makes any sense to me. She started by lunging them on the line separately. Then she had them stand side by side for ages, smacking them with the whip if they did the slightest aggressive move. Have you tried talking to her? I don't find Tate very... approachable. Well, then, maybe you should be telling this to Jesse? Jesse Stanton is a businessman whose commodity just happens to be horses. Look, I don't know what's going on with you, but quitting isn't something that women like us do. A horse gets injured, we do everything we can to get it back up on its feet. We lose somebody we love... Okay, Sandra... No, you know what I've been through, Amy. You helped me pull my life back together. All I'm asking for is an hour or two of your time.
Tate: (Whip slaps) Get! (Clucks her tongue) Whssst! (Whip slaps) Get!
(Horses grunt, whip slaps)
Get! (Whip slaps)
Jesse: I'm glad the training is going well...
Sandra: See what she's doing?
Amy: Yeah, she's trying to control them. So the relationship is horse to trainer, not horse to horse. You see how she's using the whip as a weapon? It-it should just be an extension of your arm to encourage the horse forward.
Tate: Hey-ah! (Horses snort nervously) Get! Good to see you, Sandra. I see you brought your friend. You know I wasn't convinced about your new trainer, Jesse. I just wanted a second opinion. Amy's tried working with these horses and she couldn't get anywhere with them. But sure, let's hear what the Miracle Girl has to say. Sandra can't do her act if she's trying to control two horses separately. Okay, they have to learn to work together, to follow each others' cues, and Tate is not creating that bond, which is what she needs to accomplish. Okay, so... what would you do differently this time? Well... I'd turn them out in a field together. I'd let them bond and get to know each other, and then I'd sit and watch their cues and use that to be their leader, not their trainer, not their boss.
Tate: Canter! Move up!
(Whip slaps, horses whinny nervously)
(Phone rings)
Ty: Hey, Georgie, what's up?
He ate a what? Those squeaky toys are for dogs, Georgie. Remember what I told you? The wolf is not a pet. Okay. I'll come by later. My shift's almost done. Okay. (Phone snaps shut)
(Wings beat, eagle squawks)
Bob: Sounds like you should take off now, man.
You know, maybe giving that pup to that kid might not have been the best idea.
Ty: What're you talking about?
Bob: Your judgment. No, I like you, Ty. You got a good heart. It's maybe too good to make the compromises you gotta make in this job.
Bob: There's a wolf sanctuary near Waterton. I'm gonna make some calls.
(Truck engine rumbles)
Amy: Jesse, why are you following me?
Jesse: I realized you were right, so I let Tate go.
Amy: Really?
Jesse: Yeah, and now I have no one to work with Sandra's horses.
Amy: Well, then hire someone else 'cause you're gonna have to anyway.
Hey, I fired Tate on your recommendation. Obviously, I want you to work with them. You are unbelievable. I'm doing you a favour. Sandra's your friend. You already failed her once. If you don't finish what you started those horses are gonna end up standing in a field a long way from the Longview Halftime Show. I'm just telling it like it is. Suit yourself. Fine. Fine! Good. But even though she's your friend, she's still my client, Amy. So you're working on my turf. See you bright and early at Briar Ridge.
(Sighs)
Georgie: Good boy.
Okay, come on.
(Truck door bangs shut)
Ty: So he ate a toy?
Well, he was playing, and... he only ate part of it and then he spat it up. Georgie, he's a wolf, he's not supposed to be playing with toys. I know, but... I love him and... I want him to be happy.
Ty: (Sighs) Look, Georgie, you've done a great job with this little guy so far, but you've gotten too close to him, and I warned you about that, right? That's why, when he has to leave, it's gonna be harder on the both of you. What do you mean, when he has to leave?
Jade: Okay, so it's all set for tonight. I invited a bunch of people. Seriously, Beth, it's totally empty. No one will know. Okay, I'll text you when my boss leaves. And invite everyone you know. Okay, so you don't know so many people. Just invite people who do know people. And by the way, my mom thinks I'm staying at your house tonight, so cover for me, okay? Okay. Yeah. Jade? Are you, um, making personal calls during business hours? Are you spying on me? No, but maybe I should be, and... You dropped this. So next time just use a linen bag, okay? Otherwise you're gonna leave a trail of dirty laundry all the way to the car. Linen bag. Got it.
(Vehicle rumbles, music blasts)
Lou: Who's this?
(Music blasts)
Can I help you?
Vince: What?
Lou: Turn down the music, please. ♪ We know we're getting close, like we're gonna get busy ♪ Can I help you?
Vince: We're looking for the... Uh... highway. The highway?
Vince: Yeah.
Lou: The highway is back the way you came.
Vince: Right... uh, thanks.
(Car rumbles as it backs up)
Lou: What was that about?
Jade: I dunno.
(Car rumbles away)
Georgie: (Crying) Here you go, buddy.
It's not exactly what your mom would do, but... it's close enough. (Sniffs)
Amy: How's he doing?
Georgie: (Sighs) Okay. He likes the meatloaf.
Amy: And how are you doing? Are you okay?
Georgie: I guess. It's just... I can't keep the wolf. Ty thinks I'm making too much of an imprint with him, so he's found a wolf sanctuary that'll take him.
Amy: Maybe that's for the best. I'm sure he was a lot of work. Well, kinda, but... all those problems, I made them up. Why? To give Ty... a reason. A reason to come here? Yeah, and maybe you guys would... Oh, Georgie... Well, what happened, it's all my fault. No. It is not your fault. This is my fault, and I'm the only one who can fix it.
(Sniffs)
Jack: So, Jade, is she working out any better?
Lou: Absolutely, yeah.
You know, other than the fact that she's careless, lazy, unmotivated and frankly, the worst employee I have ever had.
Jack: That good, huh?
Lou: Well, on the bright side, she's learning. Slowly.
Jack: Well, see? It's not all bad.
Lou: No, but I have to keep an eye on her 24/7. I mean, she's not exactly reliable.
Jack: Well, give her a couple more days. You never know, she might surprise you.
Lou: Or she might burn down the place.
Jack: Why do you always assume the worst? You can trust people...
Lou: Oh, I do trust people. Just not Jade.
Jack: Well, at least give her a chance to prove you wrong.
(Music blasts, cars rumble, people chatter)
Jade: Awesome! Let's make this fire enormous!
Oh, Vince is here! He almost ruined it earlier! Vince?! You and your loser friends almost screwed everything up.
Vince: Whatever. I totally covered.
Jade: You nearly blew the whole thing.
Vince: Relax, all right? We bought a keg.
Jade: Okay, you're forgiven. Guys, they've brought a keg!
(Cheering)
Everybody grab a beer! And somebody do something with this fire, man. It's puny! Hi. I'm Jade.
Boys: One, two, three!
(Kids cheer, flames crackle)
Jade: All right, who cares?!
Guys, um, beer! Like let's get this started.
(Owl hoots, wind chimes tinkle)
(Page flips)
(Approaching footsteps, knock at the door)
Hello? Caleb, is that you?
(Crickets chirp outside)
(Door clicks open) Who is it?
Poacher: (With accent) Ty borden?!
Ty: Hey! (Hard punch) Oh!
(Grunts, hard thump)
Poacher: (With accent) If you keep sticking your nose where it don't belong, you're a dead man!
(Punching thuds) Ungh! Ungh! Ungh...
Amy: All right, go be free. (Clucks her tongueue)
(Hooves s thunder)
You wanna join him? All right. (Flirty snorts)
(Laughs)
(Cell phone rings)
(Ty grunts and groans in pain)
(Phone rings, Ty exhales sharply)
(Ty exhales sharply, phone rings)
(Phone beeps, Ty clears his throat)
Ty: Hey, Georgie.
Yeah, well, um... how about you take that little guy out to the reserve today? Yeah, you can ask Jack for a ride. Well, I'm-I'm just not really feeling up to it. Yeah, I'd come out to Heartland, but not today. Okay, thanks.
(Phone beeps off, thumps on table)
(Sighs)
The camera.
Amy: Whoa.
(Bridles jingle lightly and thump on the ground)
(Amy clucks her tongue and whistles)
(SUV rumbles)
(Vehicle door closes, engine starts)
(Car speeds off)
Guy: Wait up! (Panting)
(SUV shuts off)
(Door opens and closes)
Lou: What the...?
Girl: Mm. Hmm? Lou: Beat it!
(Girl groans)
Lou: (Shocked gasp, sighs sadly)
(Door creaks open, stumbling thumps)
Jade?!
Jade: Uh, Lou? Um, okay... I know this looks bad-
Lou: This looks more than bad!
Jade: Okay, I'm really sorry. It was only supposed to be a few friends, but then it got tweeted out to a bunch of people I've never even met!
Lou: (Freaking) Tweeted out?! Jade! (Shaky, calming breath) This is a serious breach of trust. I know. I'm fired. No, no, no, no. You're not fired. You are gonna clean up this place until it looks brand new! And then you're fired.
(Horses grunt, hooves thud)
(Whistles) Whoa. ♪ We've all got our dreams, we've all got our fight ♪ (Hustle grunts) Good boy. Hey. ♪ Caught in between the darkness and light ♪
Amy: (Clucks her tongue) ♪ We've all got our demons, we've all got our fears ♪
Amy: Good boy. ♪ They tried to chase me, but they lead me here ♪
Amy: Good boy. ♪ This feels like ho-o-ome
(laughs and claps)
(Laughs)
♪ This feels like ho-o-me (Clapping)
Jack: Come on, now, you knew this day was coming.
Georgie: I guess.
Jack: It's because you did such a good job taking care of this guy that Ty says he's healthy enough to go to a wolf sanctuary at all.
Georgie: I'm gonna miss him so much.
Jack: Well, you can visit.
Georgie: It's just-it's not gonna be the same as seeing him everyday.
Jack: Yeah, I don't think we're talking about the wolf anymore. The thing is, Georgie, I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but Ty, he's family and we will always look out for him.
Georgie: On the phone, he said he wasn't coming to Heartland. What do you think that meant? I don't know. He's probably never coming back here. Why would he, if him and Amy aren't even talking?
(Truck door opens)
Well, I think they're finally ready.
Sandra: Oh, I don't how you did it, but you did. That was amazing!
Amy: (Laughs)
Sandra: Look, I don't mean to pry, but that personal problem... Is everything okay?
Amy: Nothing's really changed.
Sandra: Well, if something's bothering you, you'd never know it from what you just did with my horses.
Amy: You know, I have to say, it did feel pretty amazing.
Both: (Laughing) ♪ This road they were on wasn't meant... ♪
Jesse: Amy, can't say I'm surprised, but you really came through. And I bet working here and seeing what a great place this is, made you see things my way, right? So that was your plan all along. Get me working on "your turf" so I couldn't possibly say no? Maybe. Well, my answer is still "no," Jesse. Oh, come on, Amy. Don't leave me in the lurch here. I fired my only trainer because of you. See you around.
(Hooves clop)
♪ I've been searching for that something ♪ ♪ Nothing could ever replace ♪ so I will ro-o-oam ♪ until I can say... ♪ This feels like home | Plan: A: a pair; Q: What is the number of horses that Amy struggles to turn into a team? A: a rival trainer; Q: Who does Amy have to go head-to-head with? A: Ty; Q: Who discovers a dead bear on the Reserve? A: its gallbladder; Q: What is missing from the bear Ty finds? A: his life; Q: What do poachers threaten Ty with when he asks too many questions about the bear? A: Georgie; Q: Who does Ty ask to care for an orphan wolf pup? A: Lou; Q: Who hires Jade to work at the Dude Ranch? A: her decision; Q: What does Lou regret when Jade proves to be a problem employee? A: the unpredictable teen; Q: What is Jade's problem? A: the situation; Q: What does Jade take advantage of? Summary: Amy struggles to turn a pair of horses into a team, and is forced to go head-to-head with a rival trainer. Meanwhile, Ty discovers a dead bear on the Reserve with its gallbladder missing but when he begins asking too many questions, poachers threaten his life. When Ty asks Georgie to care for an orphan wolf pup, she sees it as an opportunity to reunite Amy and Ty. And Lou hires Jade to work at the Dude Ranch but quickly regrets her decision when the unpredictable teen proves to be a problem employee who takes advantage of the situation. |
Hong Kong, 2021...
Ted from 2030: Kids, sometimes wonderful things come out of horrible situations. Like, remember that trip I took to Hong Kong where I got stuck in the airport? Well, a funny thing happened that day.
Ted: Yes, I realize it's raining, but, come on, it's 2021. We can make cell phones that project holograms, but a light drizzle shuts down a whole airport?
Wendy: Hey, Ted.
Ted: Hey... There she is. Wow.
Wendy: Wendy the Waitress.
Ted: Wendy the Waitress! I was just saying-- what are you doing here?
Ted from 2030: What was she doing there? For that, we have to back up about ten years.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Bar
Robin: So, Barney, I hear you and Nora had a fun time at laser tag.
Barney: I don't know where you heard that. It was a disaster.
Robin: Not according to her.
[FLASHBACK]
Nora: Oh, my God, this was so much fun. We have to do this again. We do, we have to.
Barney: You want to grab a drink right now?
Nora: No, I'm kind of tired. But... this is my number. Give me a call.
Barney: Absolutely.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Robin: How is that a disaster?
Barney: She didn't want to get drinks. And as soon as a girl says she doesn't want to get drinks, well...
[FLASHBACK]
Barney: You want to grab a drink right now?
Nora: No, I'm kind of tired.
Barney: Absolutely.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Barney: It's a shame, too. She was a really great laser tag partner. She's tiny, so she's allowed to push kids.
Robin: Please, Cheese. You like this girl.
Barney: What? Nora? No, I don't.
Robin: Barney, you can't say her name without smiling.
Barney: That's... Nora. Sorry, sorry. I was thinking of a funny thing that Nora said. Hmm. Stop it. No... ra. Nah... Damn it, what is the matter with me?
Robin: You like her. You should call her.
Barney: Call her? she had a nice face, her booty was in place, but Barney don't chase.
Robin: That is ridiculous. Barney, you know what, here's some advice.
Barney: Totally.
[OPENING CREDITS]
Ted from 2030: Kids, I had just started dating Zoey. And when you first start dating someone, everyone wants to know the same thing. How did we meet?
Woman: Oh, Ted, she doesn't want...
Ted: No, it's a cute story. Once upon a time...
[FLASHBACK]
Ted: Zoey was married to this super rich, super creepy guy called The Captain. So when Zoey and I became friends, I was careful not to cross any lines.
Zoey: Oh, man, this movie is scary.
Ted: I know, right? But then one day, Zoey and The Captain had a huge fight. He flipped out and demanded a divorce. And she was heartbroken. But after a little soul-searching, she ended up back in my and the rest, as they say, is history.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Woman: Actually, I said, "How's your meat?"
Ted: Oh. A little cold.
Woman: Gee, wonder why.
Zoey: Oh, Ted, did you have a chance to pick up that box I left at my old apartment?
Ted: Oh. Yeah, I don't want to see The Captain. I mean this in a super manly way. That guy scares the panties off me.
Zoey: You don't have to see him. He left the box with the doorman.
Ted: If it's really important to you, I will pick it up tomorrow.
Marshall: All right, guys, I have to go. I have a big meaningless stack of paperwork that I have to get off my desk to make room for tomorrow's big meaningless stack of paperwork. But it's all worth it, you know, 'cause at least I know I'm making the world a... place. All right, see you guys later.
Ted: I'm worried about Marshall. He doesn't seem like himself lately.
Lily: Yeah, he's been really... quiet.
Robin: Well, that's just what Minnesota guys are like... strong, silent, you know, man's man.
Barney: Like Prince.
Lily: No, it's more than that. It's like, all the stuff he used to love, he suddenly has no interest in anymore.
Barney: Oh. Ha-wink
Lily: Excuse me?
Barney: Lily, in my travels, I've developed a finely calibrated sense of how long it's been since... How do I not put this delicately?... a girl's been porked. And, boo, you've been pork-free so long, you're practically kosher.
Lily: It's been a while.
Barney: Five weeks, three days by my estimation.
Lily: You should work at a carnival.
Barney: I tried. They're pretty strict with backgrounds.
Ted: Anyway, we should get going.
Lily: Yeah, I'll walk out with you guys.
Robin: Good night. Good night, guys.
Barney: 18 weeks.
Robin: Damn it. Okay, yes, I am in a bit of a dry spell. But I just started a new job, and dating's been on the back burner, and...
Barney: Shh. Child, listen. If you're really hurting for it, I'd be more than happy to throw you one.
Robin: Throw me one? Yeah.
Barney: We're exes. We're probably due for a backslide. Or we could just do it the normal way.
Robin: Oh, I see what's going on.
Barney: Yeah?
Robin: This is about Nora. You met a girl, you liked her, but then you missed your shot. And now you're trying to hook up with your ex-girlfriend to prove to yourself that you don't care.
Barney: Robin, you could not be more... What do you mean I missed my shot?
Robin: Nora met a guy. What?!
Barney: What?
Robin: Yep. Off the market. He's taking her to Cafe L'Amour this Friday night.
Barney: But "L'Amour" means love! They're going to the cafe of love! I'm fine. It's fine. Point is, Robin, I don't even like Nora. Damn it!
Lily's and Marshall's appartment
Lily: Oh, baby, why aren't you in bed?
Marshall: I can't sleep.
Lily: Mmm. Anything I can do to help you with that?
Marshall: Maybe after this documentary on garbage.
Lily: Man, I am losing my touch.
Tv: Nearly twice the size of Texas, the Gweat Pacific Garbage Patch, or "Garbage Island," is an enviwonmental disaster. Sepawated from its pawents, this young bird stwuggles to survive, stwangling itself in the plastic wings of a six-pack. Marshall Eriksen, I think you know what you have to do.
Marshall: I have to save the planet!
Lily: Is it over? I call on top.
The Captain's Building
Ted from 2030: A few days later, I headed over to The Captain's building to get Zoey's box.
Ted: I'm here to...
Captain: Ted. What a surprise. Ted.
Ted: Captain. I...
Captain:You've come to rescue me from the capsized wreckage of my marriage. Mm... I hesitated calling you because I know you and Zoey were friendly.
Ted: Pssh, nah... Captain:But my wife has left me. All my friends have abandoned me. Please, tell me you're on my side. Let's adjourn to the study.
The Bar
Marshall: Garbage Island. You haven't heard of Garbage Island? It's an island... made of garbage! It's in the Pacific Ocean. It's twice the size of Texas!
Robin: In other words, one-eighth the size of Canada. So...
Marshall: Guys, I'm going environmental, okay? Phase one: the bar. I've already convinced MacLaren's to implement a new green initiative.
Wendy: That's 'cause of you? I got to carry an 80-pound bag of bottles to the recycling center every night. I threw my back out.
Marshall: You're welcome... Earth. Phase two: GNB. Tomorrow I'm going to make a presentation in front of the board about how we can cut our carbon footprint by half for only $12 million.
Barney: Dude, don't do that. All they're going to hear is "$12 million," and all you're going to hear is the sound of the door smacking your fired ass. And some muffled laughter. Which I apologize for in advance.
Ted: Guys, I got a problem. I ran into The Captain.
[FLASHBACK]
Captain:Ted, beneath this lustrous mane,I wear the horns of a cuckold. Zoey left me for another man.
Ted: Wow. Captain:Do you have any idea who it could be?
Ted from 2030: The Captain then told a story much different than the one I'd been telling. But one maybe just as true.
Captain: Once upon a time, Zoey and I were happy. Blissful as Arcadian shepherds. I was Poseidon, she my Amphitrite. I dare say, Scylla and Charybdis could not have torn us asunder. We had great big boners for each other. But then... enter the scoundrel. I don't know what he looks like, but I picture him with a mustache.
Ted: Yes! Limit the search to guys with mustaches. Smart.
Captain: Anyway, soon the inevitable happened. She told me she was in love with someone else. Obviously, it made me angry.
Ted: And that's the last time you saw her.
Captain: But I gathered my composure, and told her I'd do anything to keep her. I begged her not to leave. We made love that night.
Ted: That's damn good brandy.
Captain: But morning came, and she was gone.
Ted: Oh, Captain... don't blame yourself.
Captain: I don't blame myself. Hmm? There's only one man I blame for this.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Ted: Me. I'm the bad guy.
Robin: Well, maybe to him you are, but in the story of picking up the box for Zoey, you're the hero.
Ted: Damn it! The box!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lily's and Marsall's appartment
Marshall: Baby, baby, I really got to work on this presentation.
Lily: Oh, that's too bad, 'cause I was going to make a little presentation of my own.
Marshall: Okay, why not: from now until tomorrow afternoon, I do this, and then tomorrow night, I do that.
Lily: Deal. Come on, come on.
Marshall: Lily!
The Bar
Barney: You lying little minx. I happened to be at Cafe L'Amour tonight from 5:00 p.m. until closing, reading a newspaper with two holes cut out of it, and I never saw Nora or this Italian race car driver she's dating.
Robin: Sorry. Who said anything about an...?
Barney: Come on, you just know he's an Italian race car driver.
Robin: No, he's not. He doesn't exist. I made the whole thing up to see if you like her. And you do. So you should just call her. Here is her number. And I also programmed it into your phone while you were in the bathroom. Wow. That was a joke. You just got here, remember? You really are smitten.
Barney: No, I'm not. I'm Barney Stinson. I don't get smitten, I smite!
Robin: You are totally smitten, but you're scared of being in a relationship.
Barney: No, I'm not. I can't be anyone's boyfriend, Robin. If I got serious with Nora, it would be like if Mother Teresa focused all her attention on one really hot orphan. With great pen1s comes great responsibility.
Robin: Okay, Mother Teresa, throw me one.
Barney: Sorry?
Robin: I would like it if you threw me one. Fastball, right down the middle. Actually, if I recall correctly, a slight curve.
Barney: Careful, Robin, I'll do it.
Robin: Oh, I don't think you will. Hmm. Because you don't want to screw things up with Nora. Hey, prove me wrong. Tomorrow night, my place.
Barney: Don't poke the dragon, Robin, 'cause the dragon will poke you back.
Lily's and Marshall's appartment
Lily: s*x now, we'll do the foreplay after.
Marshall: Oh, no, baby, come on. Today didn't go so well.
[FLASHBACK]
Marshall: The green initiative, for only $12 million, will change the way...
Arthur: Okay, I've heard enough. Don't we already have a green initiative? I mean, didn't we do a whole thing? Hang a banner, make a video, Sting was there. I thought I met Sting.
Man: You did meet Sting.
Arthur: Yeah, I met Sting. So why on Earth would we spend another $12 million?
Marshall: Well, because we can always do more.
Arthur: Yeah, but I met Sting.
Marshall: Well, meeting Sting isn't gonna fix anything, Arthur!
Arthur: Who here supports Eriksen's proposal?
Meeker: Well, he has some good points.
Arthur: Meeker, you're fired! And as for you, Eriksen...
Man: His father just died.
Arthur:...nice presentation. We'll keep it under advisement.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Marshall: Meeker got fired because of me. I'm the bad guy.
Lily: No, sweetie, just-just put all that out of your mind and relax. Look, I got you a six-pack of tall boys from the deli.
Marshall: Hey, baby.
Lily: Yeah?
Marshall: What happened to the plastic rings that held the six-pack together?
Lily: Oh, I-I don't know. I threw them down the garbage chute. Let's just use the handcuffs instead.
Marshall: Baby, birds can get caught in those and then they dwown in a sea of wubbish! Weren't you listening? Don't you care about Garbage Island?
Lily: Marshall, right now, I don't give a wat's ass about Garbage Island.
Marshall: Well, I do. I got to find those rings!
Lily: Cwap.
The Captain's Building
Ted: Hi, I'm here to pick up...
Captain: Hello, Ted.
Ted: To the study?
Captain: To the study! Mmm. Ted... I know.
Ted: Know what?
Captain: I know who stole my Zoey. No man likes to be betrayed, especially by a friend. You can imagine then how painful it was when I learned that the name of my betrayer is... Ted... when I tell you who it is, you're gonna... It's my doorman!
Ted: That son of a bitch! You think Zoey's sleeping with the doorman?
Captain: He always winks and tips his hat when he sees her. I know how these things work. He holds her package, and pretty soon, she's holding his. And then there's his glorious mustache. I will have him fired for this!
Ted: No, no, no, you can't fire him.
Captain: You're right. Maritime protocol demands physical retribution!
Ted: Oh, my God! No, no! No physical retribution! Stop!
Captain: Who is this flower child, and what has he done with my lionhearted friend Ted Mosby?!
Ted: Look, look, yes, yes, the doorman is a scoundrel. The mustache alone gives that away. He's a rake, a rogue, a rapscallion!
Captain: Whoa, "rapscallion" may be going a bit far, Ted.
Ted: But it's not his fault, okay? It's nobody's fault. You and Zoey have nothing in common. For God's sake, Captain, she hates boats! You're just not right for each other. Look, I know it's tough to face, but I'm sure a small part of you has always known that.
Captain: Why couldn't she just like boats? Just to have one thing in common? Other girls like boats, don't they?
Ted: Of course they do. And you'll find one. And you'll be much happier with her than you ever were with Zoey.
Captain: When you put it that way, I should almost thank the doorman.
Ted: Yeah, yeah! And, you know, since, since it doesn't really matter who Zoey's dating now...
Captain: It doesn't, it really doesn't. It doesn't.
Ted: It's me. You're welcome.
(Ted rapidly leaves, taking Zoey's box on the way)
In the trash bin
Lily: Okay, baby, what gives?
Marshall: I'm sorry, but neither of us are getting any action until I find those rings.
Lily: I hope this doesn't make me look desperate.
Ted's appartment
Barney: All right, Robin, give it to me.
Robin: Damn it, Barney, you failed my test! You know, I- I try to root for you. Even as your ex-girlfriend, when you meet someone, I'm like, "Yeah, Barney, go get her!" But you know what? Just forget it. You're never gonna change. I'm done trying to help you.
Barney: The number. Give me the number, 'cause I really can't tell... Is that a seven or a nine?
Robin: It's a five, idiot.
Barney: A fi...? In what moon man language is that a five?
Robin: "Moon man language"? What does that even mean?
Barney: How am I supposed to see that's a five?
Robin: Look how you taped this up...
Barney: Fine, fine, fine. I have a phone call to make.
Robin: Barney. Go get her.
The Bar
Ted: Listen, Zoey, I need to ask you something. Did I steal you?
Zoey: Well... yeah. You did. By being the kind of sweet, thoughtful guy who'd never even think of stealing someone, you stole me.
Ted: So I'm the bad guy. Great.
Zoey: Well, the story isn't over, Ted. It'll be years before we know who's the good guy and who's the bad guy. I mean, yes, divorce sucks, but sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things.
Ted: If you say so.
Zoey: I'm just saying, the eggs are already broken. Let's make sure we get a pretty good omelet out of it.
In the trash bin
Lily: Okay, Marshall, seriously, what's going on?
Marshall: He'll never get to see how I turn out.
Lily: What do you mean?
Marshall: My dad. You know, I used to, um, I used to always tell him that I was gonna be an environmental lawyer. And he was always so proud of me for that. But he never got to see the version of me that was anything but a corporate stooge. And now it's too late. And we're starting a family, you know.
Lily: Are you avoiding sleeping with me 'cause you don't want to start a family?
Marshall: Lily, if we have a baby right now, that is just it for me. The cement will dry, and I will be stuck at GNB forever.
Lily: Marshall, if you want to quit your job and go work for the NRDC right now, then you need to do that right now. And then, once you've cleaned up all the oceans and saved the planet... you know, like, a year from now... then we'll start a family.
Marshall: I don't know. So far, in the name of saving the planet, I've ruined your night, I practically broke Wendy's back and I got Meeker fired. The guy must hate me.
Lily: Meeker doesn't hate you.
Ted from 2030: Oh, Meeker hated him, all right. After all, Marshall was the one who got him fired. Meeker knew we all hung out at MacLaren's. So that night, he went there to confront Marshall. But as luck would have it...
Outsidethe Bar
Meeker: Are you guys...?
Wendy: Closed. Sorry. Thanks.
Meeker: Rough night?
Wendy: Yeah.
Meeker: I'm sorry.
Wendy: It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. Except for Marshall Eriksen.
Meeker: What did you just say?
Wendy: Uh, I said it's Marshall Eriksen's fault. Why, do you know him?
Meeker: Know him? I hate that guy.
Wendy: Me, too.
Meeker: Well, hey.
Ted from 2030: And the rest, as they say...is history.
In 2021
Wendy: And three kids later, we decided to come here on our second honeymoon.
Ted: Wow. That's a pretty good omelet.
Wendy: Oh, and hey, what about you? You still with Zoey?
Ted: No, no, no. Wow, that did not end well. But it's all for the best, 'cause now I'm married to an amazing girl, we have two kids. It's actually a funny story of how we met. I was a best man at this wedding...
Wendy: Listen, Ted, it's great seeing you, but we got to run.
Ted: Okay, well, have a safe trip. It was great seeing you. (Ted phones Marshall) Hello. Marshall.
Marshall: Hey, Ted.
Ted: Hey. You will not believe who I just ran into. | Plan: A: Marshall; Q: Who became fixated on saving the environment after seeing a documentary about garbage? A: Ted; Q: Who runs into Zoey's ex-husband? A: The Captain; Q: Who is Zoey's ex-husband? A: Robin; Q: Who forces Barney to admit he has feelings for Nora? A: history; Q: What did Nora make as Barney's first Valentine's Day date? Summary: After Marshall sees a documentary about garbage, he becomes fixated on saving the environment. Meanwhile, Ted runs into Zoey's ex-husband, The Captain, and Robin forces Barney to admit he has feelings for Nora, the girl who made history as his first Valentine's Day date ever. |
[OPENING CREDITS]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE VILLAGE - DAY]
Gwen: When does it open?
Mr Bates: Tomorrow afternoon.
Gwen: Well, let's get up a party in the evening, if Mrs Hughes lets us, after we've had our dinner.
Anna: You're right. It doesn't come often and it doesn't stay long.
Gwen: Well, what about you, Mr Bates?
Mr Bates: I don't see why not.
Anna: Well, there's Lady Mary. You go on ahead. I'll see you back at the house.
Gwen: Right you are, then.
Anna: Good day, milady. Is Her Ladyship all right? Has she recovered from...?
Lady Mary: If you think she'll ever recover from carrying the body of Mr Pamuk from one side of the house to the other, then you don't know her at all.
Anna: Well, I didn't mean recover, exactly, just...get past it.
Lady Mary: She won't do that either. When she dies, they'll cut her open and find it engraved on her heart.
Anna: What about you? What about your heart?
Lady Mary: Haven't you heard? I don't have a heart. Everyone knows that.
Anna: Not me, milady.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LIBRARY - DAY]
Mr Carson: You wanted to see the new chauffeur, my lord.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Yes, indeed. Please send him in. Come in, come in. Good to see you again. Branson, isn't it?
Branson: That's right, Your Lordship.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I hope they've shown you where everything is and we've delivered whatever we promised at the interview.
Branson: Certainly, milord.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Won't you miss Ireland ?
Branson: Ireland, yes, but not the job. The mistress was a nice lady, but she only had one car and she wouldn't let me drive it over twenty miles an hour, so it was a bit...well, boring, so to speak.
[Robert chuckles.]
Branson: You've got a wonderful library.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: You are very welcome to borrow books if you wish.
Branson: Really, milord ?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, there's a ledger over there that I make everyone use, even my daughters. Carson and Mrs Hughes sometimes take a novel or two. What are your interests?
Branson: History and politics mainly.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Heavens. Carson, Branson is going to borrow some books. He has my permission.
Mr Carson: Very good, my lord.
Branson: Is that all, milord?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: It is. Off you go and good luck.
[Branson exits.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: He seems a bright spark after poor old Taylor. And to think Taylor's gone off to run a tea shop. I cannot feel it will make for a very restful retirement, can you?
Mr Carson: I would rather be put to death, my lord.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Quite so. Thank you, Carson.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: How about some house parties?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: She's been asked to one next month by Lady Ann McNair.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: That's a terrible idea. She doesn't know anyone under a hundred.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: I might send her over to visit my aunt. She could get to know New York.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, I don't think things are quite that desperate. Poor Mary, she's been terribly down in the mouth lately.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: She was very upset by the death of poor Mr Pamuk.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Why? If she didn't know him, one can't go to pieces at the death of every foreigner. We'd all be in a state of collapse whenever we opened a newspaper. Oh, no, of course Mary's main difficulty is that her situation is unresolved. I mean, is she an heiress or isn't she?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: The entail's unbreakable. Mary cannot inherit.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: No, what we need is a lawyer who's decent and honour bound to look into it. And I...I think, perhaps, I know just the man.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY]
Matthew Crawley: You going to the fair while it's here.
Mr Molesley: I shouldn't think so, sir. But I don't mind it. I like the music.
Isobel Crawley: Goodness, what's happened to your hands?
Mr Molesley: It's nothing, ma'am.
Isobel Crawley: They look very painful.
Mr Molesley: Oh, no, ma'am. Irritating more than painful.
Isobel Crawley: Have you been using anything new to polish the silver or the shoes?
Mr Molesley: No.
Isobel Crawley: May I?
Matthew Crawley: Leave him alone, Mother.
Isobel Crawley: It looks like erysipelas. You must have cut yourself.
Mr Molesley: Not that I'm aware of.
Isobel Crawley: We'll walk 'round to the hospital tomorrow.
Mr Molesley: Really, ma'am-
Isobel Crawley: I insist.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - DAY]
Anna: Ugh.
Mrs Patmore: You've got a cold, I want you out of here.
Mrs Hughes: Anna, there you are. You know I'm out tonight, because I don't want to come home to any surprises.
MRS PATMORE (laughs) That'll be the day.
Anna: We thought we might go to the fair later. You'd like that, wouldn't you, Daisy?
Mrs Patmore: You ought to go. She's been that down in the mouth since the death of poor Mr Pamuk.
Daisy: Don't say that.
Mrs Patmore: She has.
Anna: We could all walk down together after the service dinner if that's okay.
[Anna sneezes.]
Mrs Patmore: You won't be walking anywhere. She's got minutes to live by the sound of it.
Mrs Hughes: Go to bed at once.
Anna: Yes, Mrs Hughes.
Mrs Hughes: I'll bring up a Beecham's powder. Right, if there's anything you want to ask me, it'll need to be before I go.
Mrs Patmore: What would I want to ask you? I'm preparing a meal for Lord and Lady Grantham and the girls. No one is visiting. No one is staying.
Mrs Hughes: Well...that's settled, then.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL - DAY]
Nurse: I'm afraid Dr Clarkson's out delivering a baby. We don't know when he'll be back.
Isobel Crawley: No matter. If you'll just open the store cupboard, I can easily find what I need.
Nurse: Well, I-
Isobel Crawley: You can tell the doctor that opened the cupboard for the chairman of the board. I assure you, he will raise not the slightest objection. This should do it. Tincture of steel, ten drops in water three times a day. And this is solution of nitrate of silver, rub a little in morning and night.
Mr Molesley: How long before it's better?
Isobel Crawley: Erysipelas is very hard to cure. We should be able to reduce the symptoms, but that might be all we can manage. Oh, and you must wear gloves at all times.
Mr Molesley: I couldn't...wait a table in gloves. I'd look like a footman.
Isobel Crawley: You may have to. The tincture and the salve will help. Try it for a week and we'll see.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HAVEL AND CARTER - DAY]
Attorney's Assistant: Someone to see you, Mr Crawley.
Matthew Crawley: Well, there's nothing in my diary.
Attorney's Assistant: It's Lady Grantham.
Matthew Crawley: Well, in that case, show her in at once. Cousin Cora, to what do I owe the...
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, I hope I'm not a disappointment.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Hughes looks at a hat.]
Mrs Hughes: I thought it might be nice to cheer it up a bit.
Miss O'Brien: Easier said than done.
Mrs Hughes: Perhaps with a flower or a bit of veil or something.
Miss O'Brien: I can find you a veil if you like. I hope you're not expecting me to do it.
Mrs Hughes: Not if you're busy, of course.
Miss O'Brien: Good.
Mrs Hughes: And Miss O'Brien, I've sent Anna to bed with a cold, so I need you to manage the young ladies.
Miss O'Brien: What, all three of them? I'm not an octopus. Why can't Gwen do it?
Mrs Hughes: Because she is not a lady's maid.
Miss O'Brien: I am not a slave.
Mrs Hughes: Just do it, Miss O'Brien. Just do it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HAVEL AND CARTER - DAY]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I'll pay you the compliment that I do not believe you wish to inherit just because nobody's investigated properly.
Matthew Crawley: No, but-
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Nor can Murray accuse you of making trouble when you're the one who will suffer most from a discovery.
Matthew Crawley: You're right that I don't wish to benefit at Mary's expense from an ignorance of the law--
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Putting it bluntly, do you think Robert has thrown in the towel prematurely?
[Violet's chair creaks.]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Good heavens, what am I sitting on?
Matthew Crawley: A swivel chair.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, another modern brainwave?
Matthew Crawley: Not very modern. They were invented by Thomas Jefferson.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Why does every day involve a fight with an American?
Matthew Crawley: I'll fetch a different one.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: No, no. No, no, I'm a good sailor.
Matthew Crawley: It will depend on the exact terms of the entail and of the deed of gift when Cousin Cora's money was transferred to the estate.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: That is all I ask. To understand the exact terms.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY]
William: Is Daisy going to the fair tonight with the others?
Mr Bates: Why don't you ask her? She needs taking out of herself. What's it to you?
Thomas: Nothing.
William: Daisy, I was hoping that-
Thomas: Would you like to go to the fair with me, Daisy? There's a few of us going later on.
Daisy: Do you mean it?
Mrs Patmore: Daisy, don't let it get cold. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
Mr Bates: You b*st*rd.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE VILLAGE - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Sybil, Edith, and Cora walk towards the car where Branson is waiting.]
Lady Edith: Why is Sybil having a new dress and not me?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Because it's Sybil's turn.
Lady Sybil: Can it be my choice this time?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Of course, darling. As long as you choose what I choose. Branson, you'll be taking Lady Sybil to Ripon tomorrow. She'll be leaving after luncheon.
Branson: Certainly, Your Ladyship.
Lady Sybil: Poor old Madame Swann. I don't know why we bother with fittings. She always makes the same frock.
Lady Edith: What do you want her to make?
Lady Sybil: Something new and exciting.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Heavens, look at the time. Not a minute to change. And Granny's invited herself for dinner.
Lady Sybil: Then she can jolly well wait.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: So, women's rights begin at home, I see. Well, I'm all for that.
[The ladies chuckle and Branson drives off.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - DAY]
Mrs Hughes: I'm just off, Mr Carson.
Mr Carson: According to the wine book, we should still have six dozen of this, but I'm beggared if I can find much more than four.
Mrs Hughes: Look again before you jump to any nasty conclusions.
Mr Carson: Long time since you last took a night off.
Mrs Hughes: You don't think I ought to stay, do you?
Mr Carson: Certainly not. Be off with you.
Mrs Hughes: And Anna's in bed with a cold, so I'm afraid it's all down to you.
Mr Carson: Go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE VILLAGE FAIR - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Matthew plays the Coconut Saloon game at the fair. Mary sees him and approaches.]
Matthew Crawley: I wanted to have a go before I went home. How about you?
[Matthew digs in his pockets for more change.]
Fair Vendor: Thank you.
[The vendor hands Mary and Matthew some more balls to throw.]
Lady Mary: Thank you.
Matthew Crawley: Do you know if your father's doing anything this evening?
Lady Mary: He's not coming to the fair.
Matthew Crawley: Seriously.
Lady Mary: Well, having dinner with his family.
Matthew Crawley: Could I look in afterwards?
Lady Mary: May I ask why?
Matthew Crawley: Your grandmother paid me a visit this afternoon and I'm...well, never mind, but I-I would like to see him.
Lady Mary: Granny came to see you. Is it all part of The Great Matter? So, are you enjoying your new life?
Matthew Crawley: Yes, I think so. I know my work seems very trivial to you.
Lady Mary: Not necessarily. Sometimes I rather envy you, having somewhere to go every morning.
Matthew Crawley: I thought that made me very middle class?
Lady Mary: You should learn to forget what I say. I know I do.
Matthew Crawley: How about you? Is your life proving satisfactory, apart from the Great Matter, of course?
Lady Mary: Women like me don't have a life. We choose clothes and pay calls and work for charity and do the season, but really, we're stuck in a waiting room until we marry.
Matthew Crawley: I've made you angry.
Lady Mary: My life makes me angry, not you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. ]
Mr Carson: I never put the Sauterne on ice. Mrs Hughes goes out for one night and we all fall to pieces!
Thomas: Mr Carson, we wondered if we could walk down to the fair after dinner.
Mr Carson: I suppose so, but don't be too late.
Mrs Patmore: ...that's right.
Thomas: Where do you think she's gone?
William: None of your business.
Mrs Patmore: Like most of what goes on 'round here.
Daisy: Oh!
Thomas: Well caught, that man, though I say it myself.
Daisy: Thanks ever so. Yes?
Mrs Patmore: Well, you've cheered up a bit.
Daisy: He's so agile, i'in't he? He could have been a sportsman.
Mrs Patmore: Who?
Daisy: Thomas, of course.
Mrs Patmore: Really? Which sport did you have in mind?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. GRAND STAIRCASE - EVENING]
Lady Mary: I ran into Cousin Matthew in the village. He wanted to call on you after dinner. Apparently, Granny's been to see him.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Did you tell him she's coming here this evening?
Lady Mary: Well, I didn't know she was.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: When he arrives, do your best to keep her in the drawing room.
Lady Mary: Well, I'd like to see you try.
[Robert chuckles.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. OUTER HALL - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Matthew enters the house as the ladies are walking from the dining room to the drawing room.]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Don't stay too late. Let them have an early night.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Sybil, Sybil, darling, why would you want to go to real school? You're not a doctor's daughter.
Lady Sybil: But nobody learns anything from a governess apart from French and how to curtsy.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Well, what else do you need?
Lady Sybil: Well, there's-
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Are you thinking of a career in banking?
[Mary turns around and sees Matthew through the glass door. She holds up a hand to wait until the others have gone into the next room.]
Lady Sybil: No, but it is a noble profession.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Things are different in America.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I know. They live in wigwams.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: And when they come out of them, they go to school.
[Mary goes to the door and opens it to speak to Matthew.]
LADY MARY (whisper) If you wait in the library, I'll tell Papa you're here.
Matthew Crawley: Thank you.
[William watches the exchange.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE VILLAGE FAIR - EVENING]
Joe Burns: Elsie? It is Elsie, isn't it?
Mrs Hughes: It is. Though, there's very few left to call me that, Joe Burns.
Joe Burns: Well, I'm flattered that I'm one of them.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LIBRARY - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Carson brings in the port.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Where's Thomas?
Mr Carson: I'm afraid I let some of the servants go down to the fair, my lord. I didn't know we'd have any visitors tonight.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, that's all right. They don't have much fun. You should join them. So, what did you say to Mama?
Matthew Crawley: I haven't spoken to her since her visit, but I have looked through every source and I can't find one reason on which to base a challenge.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I could have told you that.
Matthew Crawley: I'm not quite sure how to phrase it when I tell her.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: She shouldn't have put you on the spot like that. It was unkind.
Matthew Crawley: I'm afraid she'll think I've failed because I don't want to succeed.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: She will think that, but I don't. And nor will Cora.
Matthew Crawley: Of course it's impossible for Mary. She must resent me so bitterly. And I don't blame her.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. THE GRANTHAM ARMS - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Hughes and Joe burns sit at a table having dinner.]
Mrs Hughes: Yes, it must have been hard for you when Ivy died.
Joe Burns: Took some getting used to.
Mrs Hughes: What about your son? Do you see much of him?
Joe Burns: Peter? No. I would've given him a share of the farm if he wanted it, but he's joined the army.
Mrs Hughes: Well, I never.
Joe Burns: Oh, he seems happy, but he's left me on me own.
(indistinct): ...take your plate, then.
Joe Burns: Thank you. So, how's life treated you?
Mrs Hughes: Oh, I can't complain. I haven't travelled, but I've seen a bit of life and no mistake.
Joe Burns: I notice you call yourself Misses.
Mrs Hughes: Housekeepers and cooks are always Misses. You know better than anyone I haven't changed my name.
Joe Burns: Well, I know you wouldn't change it to Burns when you had the chance.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING]
Miss O'Brien: You shouldn't have eaten with us. The chauffeur always eats in his own cottage.
Mr Bates: Steady on. You can cut him a bit of slack on his second day.
Branson: I'm waiting to take old Lady Grantham home.
Miss O'Brien: Even then, Taylor never ate with us. You're taking advantage of Mrs Hughes's absence.
Branson: What are you doing?
Mr Bates: I'm sorting the collars, removing the ones that have come to an end.
Branson: What happens to His Lordship's old clothes?
Miss O'Brien: What's it to you? Clothes are a valet's pert, not a chauffeur's.
Mr Bates: I get some, but most of it goes into the missionary barrel.
Branson: I know it's meant to be kind, but I can think of better ways of helping the needy than sending stiff collars to the equator.
[Bates chuckles.]
Mr Bates: I thought Anna might have come down for her dinner.
Miss O'Brien: And show she's ready to start work again? Not a chance.
Mr Bates: She's still in bed, then?
Miss O'Brien: She is. While I'm sat here sewing like a cursed princess in a fairytale and not down at the fair with the others.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]
Mr Carson: Would you like me to ask Branson to bring the car around, my lady?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Where's Robert? He can't have been drinking port since we left, he'd be under the table by now.
Mr Carson: His Lordship's in the library.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: All alone? Oh, how sad.
Mr Carson: No, he's--
Lady Mary: We can say goodbye to Papa for you, Granny.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: He's what?
Mr Carson: He's with Mr Crawley, my lady.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LIBRARY - EVENING]
Matthew Crawley: The question is, what do I say to Cousin Violet?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, don't worry about that. I can handle her.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Really?
[Matthew stands up and Robert looks over in surprise.]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Well, if you can, you must've learned to very recently.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' BEDROOM CORRIDOR - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Anna reads by candle light in bed. Mr Bates knocks on the door between the men and women's corridor. Anna goes out into the hall and approached the door.]
Mr Bates: Anna.
Anna: Mr Bates.
Mr Bates: Can you open the door?
Anna: I daren't. No one can open that door except Mrs Hughes.
Mr Bates: Just for a moment. I brought you something.
[Anna unlocks the door. Mr Bates has a dinner tray for her.]
Anna: I don't know what to-
Mr Bates: Shh!
[Bates hands her the tray.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT WALK - EVENING]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: What I don't understand in all this is you. You seem positively glad to see Mary disinherited.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: You speak as if we had a choice.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Thank you, Branson.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm worn out. Tell Lady Mary and Mr Crawley I've gone to bed.
Mr Carson: Shall I tell them now, my lord?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: No. Wait until they ring.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE VILLAGE FAIR - EVENING]
Fairfolk (background): Yes, sir.
Mrs Hughes: I ought to start back. This is very late for me.
Joe Burns: Oh, not yet. It's a long time since I've had a girl to show off for at the fair.
Fairfolk (background): Fair enough.
Joe Burns: So, I take it you never get lonely?
Mrs Hughes: Well, that's working in a big house. Though there are times you yearn for a bit of solitude.
[Joe plays the fair game.]
Mrs Hughes: Oh!
Fair Vendor: We have a winner!
Joe Burns: Ah, thank you. Well, er...something to remind you of me.
Mrs Hughes: (chuckles) I don't need help to remember you.
Joe Burns: But what-what happens when you retire?
Mrs Hughes: I should think I'll stay here.
Joe Burns: Suppose they sell the estate.
Mrs Hughes: Suppose there's a tidal wave. Suppose we all die of the plague. Suppose there's a war.
[They chuckle.]
Thomas: What did I tell you? She's found her Romeo.
Gwen: That might be her brother.
Thomas: She hasn't got a brother, I would know it by now, just a sister in Levinson Sands.
Daisy: You know everything, don't you?
William: (scoffs) Everything, my foot. You're hiding behind him, but he's not what you think he is.
Daisy: Oh, go on, William, if you're gonna be such a spoil sport.
William: All right, I will.
[William marches off.]
Gwen: Oh, come back, she didn't mean it!
Mrs Hughes: I must go, but it's been lovely to see you again, Joe. Really.
Joe Burns: And you know what I'm asking?
Mrs Hughes: You haven't asked anything yet.
Joe Burns: But you know what it is when I do. I'm gonna stop here at the pub until I hear from you. Oh, and take your time. I'd rather wait a week for the right answer than get a wrong one in a hurry. Think about it carefully.
Mrs Hughes: I will. I promise you that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LIBRARY - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mary rings the bell.]
Lady Mary: To break the entail, we'd need a private bill in Parliament.
Matthew Crawley: Even then, it would only be passed if the estate were in danger, which it's not.
Lady Mary: And I mean nothing in all this.
Matthew Crawley: On the contrary, you mean a great deal...very great deal.
Mr Carson: You rang, my lady?
Lady Mary: Yes, Carson. Mr Crawley was just leaving. Do you know where His Lordship is?
Mr Carson: Gone to bed, my lady. He felt tired after he put Lady Grantham into the car.
Lady Mary: I bet he did. Thank you, Carson.
Matthew Crawley: I'm sorry, I wish I could think of something to say that would help.
Lady Mary: There's nothing. But you mustn't let it trouble you.
Matthew Crawley: It does trouble me. It troubles me very much.
Lady Mary: Then that will be my consolation prize. Goodnight, Cousin Matthew.
Matthew Crawley: Goodnight.
Matthew Crawley: I hope I haven't kept you up too late. I'm afraid we've interfered with your dinner.
Mr Carson: It's been rather a chop and change evening downstairs.
Matthew Crawley: Lady Grantham got off all right?
Mr Carson: "All right" is an optimistic assessment, sir.
Matthew Crawley: It's very difficult, Carson, for her, for Lady Mary, for everyone.
Mr Carson: It is Mr Crawley. But I appreciate your saying so.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR/HALL - NIGHT]
Miss O'Brien: Well, that's the greatness done and dusted for the night.
Mr Bates: William, you had a good night?
William: I'm off to bed.
[William gets up from the table and leaves.]
Mr Bates: Wait.
[William stops at the base of the stairs.]
Mr Bates: What happened?
William: Nothing. Doesn't matter.
[William leaves.]
Mr Bates: How was your evening, Mrs Hughes?
Mrs Hughes: Very enjoyable, thank you. The others are just behind me, so you can lock up in a minute. Well, I'll say goodnight.
Mr Bates: Goodnight Misses.
Miss O'Brien: Night.
Thomas: Goodnight, Mrs Hughes. I was right when I said she was looking sparkly-eyed.
Mr Carson: I beg your pardon, Thomas?
Thomas: He can disapprove all he likes, Mrs Hughes has got a fancy man.
Daisy: (snorts) Him a fancy man?
Mr Bates: Don't be so nasty, Daisy, it doesn't suit you.
Thomas: I reckon there's a job vacancy coming up. Miss O'Brien, do you fancy a promotion?
Miss O'Brien: (scoffs) Very droll. If she's got a boyfriend, I'm a giraffe.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' BEDROOM CORRIDOR - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mr Bates knocks on William's door and opens it.]
William: Leave me alone, Mr Bates. I know you mean well, but let me be.
[Bates closes the door.]
Thomas: What chance did he have up against a champion?
[Bates grabs Thomas and shoves him up against the wall.]
Mr Bates: Now, you listen, you filthy little rat. If you don't lay off, I will punch your shining teeth through the back of your skull.
Thomas: Is this supposed to frighten me, Mr Bates? 'Cause if it is, it isn't working. I'm sorry, but it's just not working.
[Bates lets Thomas go roughly.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - MORNING ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Hughes smiles as she looks at the doll Joe Burns gave her.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - MORNING]
Mrs Patmore: Daisy? Chafing dishes, now!
Daisy: They're right in front of you, Mrs Patmore.
Mrs Patmore: Are you trying to trick me?
Mrs Hughes: Anna's still not well. O'Brien, you'll need to dress the girls this morning.
Miss O'Brien: All we know about Lady Mary and here I am waiting on her hand and foot.
Thomas: Will we do anything with that?
Miss O'Brien: Maybe. But not yet.
Thomas: What do you look like? Daisy, what do you think he looks like? Do your buttons up.
Daisy: Well, go on, then.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY SYBIL'S BEDROOM - MORNING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Gwen enters as O'Brien is fixing Sybil's hair.]
Miss O'Brien: What do you want?
Gwen: I've got a message for Lady Sybil from Her Ladyship.
Lady Sybil: Thank you, O'Brien, I'll manage now.
[O'Brien leaves.]
Lady Sybil: Odious woman. What does Mama want?
Gwen: I just said that to get rid of her. This came today.
[Gwen hands Sybil a letter. Sybil opens and reads it.]
Lady Sybil: I knew they would want to see you.
Gwen: Well, it's your reference what's done it. But how am I going to get there? They won't let me take a day off.
Lady Sybil: You're going to be ill. They can't stop you being ill.
Gwen: What?
Lady Sybil: No one has seen Anna for a whole day. They won't notice if you vanish for a couple of hours.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mary and Robert walk with the dog.]
Lady Mary: The only one who never sticks up for me in all this is you. Why is that?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: You are my darling daughter, and I love you, hard as it is for an Englishman to say the words.
Lady Mary: Well, then.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: If I had made my own fortune and bought Downton for myself, it should be yours without question. But I did not. My fortune is the work of others who laboured to build a great dynasty. Do I have the right to destroy their work or impoverish that dynasty? I am a custodian, my dear, not an owner. I must strive to be worthy of the task I've been set. If I could take Mama's out of the estate, Downton would have to be sold to pay for it. Is that what you want? To see Matthew a landless peer with a title but no means to pay for it?
Lady Mary: So I'm just to find a husband and get out of the way?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: You could stay here if you married Matthew.
Lady Mary: You know my character, Father. I'd never marry any man that I was told to. I'm stubborn. I wish I wasn't, but I am.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. MOTOR CAR - DAY]
Branson: Will you have your own way, do you think? With the frock? Only, I couldn't help overhearing yesterday, and from what Her Ladyship said, it sounded as if you support women's rights.
Lady Sybil: I suppose I do.
Branson: Because I'm quite political. In fact, I brought some pamphlets that I thought might interest you about the vote.
Lady Sybil: Thank you. But please don't mention this to my father, or my grandmother. One whiff of reform and she hears the rattle of the guillotine. It seems rather unlikely, a revolutionary chauffeur.
Branson: Maybe. But I'm a socialist, not a revolutionary. And I won't always be a chauffeur.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL - DAY]
Dr Clarkson: Mrs Crawley, how nice.
Isobel Crawley: If you're busy, we can come back later.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Molesley? What are you doing here? Are y-are you ill?
Dr Clarkson: Poor Mr Molesley. Er, how's it going?
Isobel Crawley: The solution doesn't seem to make it any better.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: My imagination's running riot.
Mr Molesley: I've got erysipelas, Your Ladyship.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh. Oh, I am sorry.
Dr Clarkson: Mrs Crawley tells me she's recommended nitrate of silver and tincture of steel.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Why? Is she making a suit of armour?
Dr Clarkson: But, er, I take it there's been no improvement.
Mr Molesley: Not really.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: And you're sure it's erysipelas?
Dr Clarkson: That is...Mrs Crawley's diagnosis.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: What it is to have medical knowledge.
Isobel Crawley: It has its uses.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Mm. I see your father has been making changes at home.
Mr Molesley: He has, milady. He's got no use for the herb garden now me mother's gone, so he's turned it to grass.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: And you've been helping him?
Mr Molesley: I have.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: (chuckles) Grubbing out the old rue hedge.
Mr Molesley: How did you know that?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Because this is not erysipelas. This is a rue allergy. If Molesley wears gardening gloves, it'll be gone in a week. Please, don't think we're ungrateful for your enthusiasm, Mrs Crawley, but there comes a time when things are best left to the professionals.
Isobel Crawley: But I-
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: And now I really-I really must go. Good day.
Mr Molesley: Thank you, Your Ladyship.
[Violet chuckles as she exits.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. VILLAGE COTTAGES - DAY]
Matthew Crawley: I hope Cousin Violet has recovered from last night.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Whatever she says, my mother is as strong as an ox, and it's high time she let go of her scheme for upsetting everything. Time we all did.
Matthew Crawley: I can't deny I'm pleased to hear it.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Are you beginning to see a future here, then?
Matthew Crawley: In a way, this latest business has forced me to recognise that I do want Downton to be my future.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm glad.
Matthew Crawley: You must have thought me an awful prig when I first arrived.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not a prig, just a man thrust into something he never wanted or envisaged.
Matthew Crawley: I can only see the absurdity of the whole thing. I'm sorry.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, there are absurdities involved as I know well enough.
Matthew Crawley: Possibilities, too, and I was blind to them. I was determined not to let it change me. It was absurd. If you don't change, you die.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Do you think so? I'm not sure. Sometimes I think I hate change.
Matthew Crawley: Well, at least we can comfort ourselves that this'll still be here...because we saved it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - DAY]
Daisy: Thomas is lovely in every way. He's funny and handsome, and he's got such lovely teeth.
Mrs Patmore: He's not for you, Daisy.
Daisy: 'Course not. He's too good for me, I know that.
Mrs Patmore: No. He's not too good.
Daisy: What then?
Mrs Patmore: He's not the boy for you, and you're not the girl for him.
Daisy: I'in't that what I just said? And why would he be when he's seen and done so much and I've been nowhere and done nothing?
Mrs Patmore: Perhaps Thomas has seen and done more than is good for him. He's not a lady's man.
Daisy: But i'in't it a blessed relief?
Mrs Patmore: Daisy, Thomas is a troubled soul.
Daisy: I don't know what you mean, Mrs Patmore.
Mrs Patmore: Oh, nothing. I don't mean anything. Except, if I don't get the ice cream started, they'll be dining at midnight.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. EDITH'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
Lady Sybil: Golly, my corset's tight. Anna, when you've done that, would you be an angel and loosen it a bit?
Lady Edith: The start of the slippery slope.
Lady Sybil: I'm not putting on weight.
Lady Edith: It didn't shrink in the drawer.
[Mary enters.]
Lady Mary: Are you coming down?
Lady Sybil: I don't know why we bother with corsets. Men don't wear them and they look perfectly normal in their clothes.
Lady Mary: Not all of them.
Lady Edith: She's just showing off. She'll be on about the vote in a minute.
Lady Sybil: If you mean, do I think women should have the vote, of course I do.
Lady Edith: I hope you won't chain yourself to the railings and end up being force fed semolina.
Lady Mary: What do you think, Anna?
Anna: I think those women are very brave.
Lady Sybil: Hear, hear.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: How did you get on with your dressmaker? Find anything?
Lady Sybil: I did. And she says she can have it done by Friday.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm sorry I couldn't come, but I didn't want to put Matthew off.
Lady Edith: Were you pleased with the cottages?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I think they're making a very good job of them. You must all go and see.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: You will restore a few every year from now on?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: It was Matthew's idea. Old Cripps was rather reluctant, but I'm pleased we went forward.
Lady Edith: I suppose it's worth it.
Lady Sybil: Of course it is, because of the people who will live in them.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: You'll be glad to hear that Matthew's conscience is much more energetic than mine.
Lady Mary: If you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed. I've rather a headache.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Of course. Should I bring you something for it?
Lady Mary: No, I'll be perfectly fine if I can just lie down.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Mary...
[Cora goes after Mary.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mary is sobbing.]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oh, my darling. What is it?
Lady Mary: You heard him. Matthew this. Matthew that. Matthew, Matthew, Matthew. Oh, Mother, don't you see? He has his son now. Of course he didn't argue with the entail. Why would he when he's got what he always wanted?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Your father loves you very much.
Lady Mary: He wouldn't fight for me, though.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: He wouldn't fight for you because he knew he couldn't win.
Lady Mary: You're no better.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: What?
Lady Mary: You don't care about Matthew getting everything, because you don't think I'm worthy of it!
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Mary!
Lady Mary: I wish you'd just admit it! I'm a lost soul to you! I took a lover with no thought of marriage! A Turk! Think of that! Oh, my dear! Don't worry, Mama. You can go down now. Everything will look better in the morning. Isn't that what you usually say?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: I say it because it's usually true.
Lady Mary: Papa will wonder where you are.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Don't quarrel with Matthew.
Lady Mary: Why shouldn't I?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Because one day you may need him.
Lady Mary: Oh, I see. When I've ruined myself, I must have a powerful protector to hide behind.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[William plays the piano.]
Mrs Hughes: I'd tell you off-
[William stops and quickly stands up.]
Mrs Hughes: But I like to hear you play. Where are they all?
William: Busy, I suppose.
Mrs Hughes: Haven't you got anything to do?
William: Yes, I have. 'Course I have.
Mrs Hughes: You mustn't let Thomas get you down. He's just jealous. Everyone likes you better than him.
William: Not everyone.
Mrs Hughes: Then she's a foolish girl and she doesn't deserve you. Though, why am I encouraging you? Forget all that for ten years at least.
William: You're a kind woman, Mrs Hughes. I don't know how this house would run without you. I don't, truly.
Mrs Hughes: Stop flannelling and get on before I betray you to Mr Carson.
[William leaves. ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Gwen opens a letter and is disappointed by the contents.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY SYBIL'S BEDROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Sybil opens a box exitedly.]
Lady Sybil: Is there anything more thrilling than a new frock?
Gwen: I suppose not, milady.
Lady Sybil: You shall have one, too. I thought this would be suitable for your interview.
Gwen: Well, I won't be wearing it, milady.
Lady Sybil: Of course you will! We have to make you look like a successful professional woman. What is it? What's happened?
Gwen: Well, I won't wear it because I'm not going. They've cancelled the appointment. They've found someone more suited for the post and better qualified.
Lady Sybil: This time.
Gwen: Let's face it. There will never be anyone less suited for the post or worse qualified than I am.
Lady Sybil: That isn't true. You'll see. We're not giving up. No one hits the bull's eye with the first arrow.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING]
Mr Carson: I've put out the Rundell candlesticks for dinner tonight.
[Mrs Hughes nods absentmindedly, concentrating on her thoughts.]
Mr Carson: Ah. I'm sorry, I'll come back later.
Mrs Hughes: No, stay, please. I've got something I'd like to talk to you about, if you've a minute.
[Mr Carson enters and closes the door and they sit opposite each other.]
Mrs Hughes: Before I first came here as head housemaid, I was walking out with a farmer. When I told him I'd taken a job at Downton, he asked me to marry him. I was a farmer's daughter from Argyle, so I knew the life. He was very nice. But then I came here and I-I did well, and I...I didn't want to give it up. So, I told him no, and he married someone else. She died three years ago, and last month, he wrote asking to see me again, and I agreed, because all this time, I've wondered.
Mr Carson: Go on.
Mrs Hughes: I met him the other night. We had dinner at the Grantham Arms and after, he took me to the fair.
Mr Carson: And he was horrible and fat and red-faced and you couldn't think what you ever saw in him?
Mrs Hughes: He was still a nice man. He is still a nice man. Well, he was a bit red-faced, and his suit was a little tight, but none of that matters. In the real ways, he hadn't changed.
Mr Carson: And he proposed again...and you accepted?
Mrs Hughes: In many ways, I wanted to accept. But I'm not that farm girl anymore. I was flattered, of course, but... I've changed, Mr Carson.
Mr Carson: Life's altered you, as it's altered me. And what would be the point of living if we didn't let life change us? You won't be leaving, then?
[Anna knocks and enters.]
Anna: You better come. Mrs Patmore's on the rampage. She wants the key to the store cupboard, and you know how angry she gets she hasn't got one of her own.
Mrs Hughes: Nor will she have. Not while I'm housekeeper here. Leaving? When would I ever find the time.
Mrs Patmore: ...I had to go cap in hand to Mary. It never stops!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Whatever is holding Sybil up?
Lady Mary: She was going on about her new frock.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY SYBIL'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Anna helps Sybil dress.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: We'd better go in without her, or it's not fair on Mrs Patmore.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, is her cooking so precisely timed? You couldn't tell.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY SYBIL'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Anna fetches Sybil's shoes.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]
Isobel Crawley: I think her food is delicious.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Naturally.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY SYBIL'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Sybil giggles and Anna fixes a cloth in her hair. Sybil shows off the complete look to Anna and Anna giggles.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Sybil rushes down the stairs and enters.]
Lady Sybil: Good evening, everyone.
[Sybil shows off her new trouser frock. Everyone's jaws drop. Matthew grins. Branson peeks in through the window and smiles.] | Plan: A: the neighbouring village; Q: Where does a travelling fair arrive in May 1913? A: Anna; Q: Who falls ill and stays in bed? A: Mr Bates; Q: Who visits Anna when she is ill? A: the housekeeper; Q: Who is Mrs Hughes? A: a former suitor; Q: Who does Mrs Hughes reunite with? A: Molesley; Q: Who suffers from an allergic reaction to rue? A: Violet; Q: Who correctly diagnoses Molesley's allergic reaction to rue? A: Isobel; Q: Who thought Molesley had erysipelas? A: Carson; Q: Who fears there is a thief at Downton? A: an inventory; Q: What does Carson do to the wine cellar that makes him fear there is a thief at Downton? A: Lady Sybil; Q: Who continues to experiment with feminism? A: the new, politically minded Irish chauffeur; Q: Who is Branson? A: her dressmaker; Q: Who did Lady Sybil visit to get an outfit consisting of Harem pants? A: the whole family; Q: Who was surprised when Lady Sybil showed up in Harem pants? Summary: May 1913. A travelling fair arrives in the neighbouring village. Anna falls ill and stays in bed, visited by Mr Bates who brings her up a tray with a flower. Mrs Hughes, the housekeeper, is reunited with a former suitor, who proposes, though she later declines. Molesley suffers from an allergic reaction to rue , which Violet correctly diagnoses after Isobel assumed it was erysipelas . Carson fears there is a thief at Downton after doing an inventory of the wine cellar. Lady Sybil continues to experiment with feminism, aided and inspired by the new, politically minded Irish chauffeur, Branson. After visiting her dressmaker, she surprises the whole family by displaying an outfit consisting of Harem pants . |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Angel to cellphone: "Kate, it's Angel. Pick up if you're there. If you get this message get a hold of you father. Get him out of his house. He's in danger." Kate's father getting killed by a vampire.
Kate: "Oh, dad. Oh, no, dad!" Kate standing in front of her father's grave, Angel watching from the shadows.
Cordy to Angel: "Nice plan, General Custer! You can't go in uninvited, remember? You need us."
Anne holding up Cordy's blouse: "This is not what I expected. What's the matter, doesn't fit you anymore?" Angel throwing down the cigarette and setting Darla and Dru on fire.
Gunn: "You went to far."
Wesley: "Right now the three of us are all that's standing between you and real darkness."
Angel: "You're fired."
Lilah: "For God's sake, help us."
Holland: "People are gonna die."
Angel closing the doors: "I just can't seem to care." Night. Angel's convertible pulls up in front of the Hyperion. Angel slowly crosses the hotel lobby, looking around. Looks down at the books and papers on the counter, pushes them off. Turns around to survey the lobby, crosses his arms and looks down as the camera pulls up then through a black wall to show us Wesley holding the door to their new office open, looking out.
Wesley: "What I wouldn't give for a roving band of Prekian demons right now." Gunn and Cordy, sitting by the desk, give him a look.
Wesley: "Without the ritualistic slayings of course."
Cordy: "Of course." Wesley picks up the newspaper and closes the door.
Wesley: "Something to fight. Good to be done. A little action."
Cordy: "Maybe we could by one of those star maps, find out where Steven Segal lives. (Gunn and Wes give her a look) You're telling me he got to be a movie star without a little demonic assistance?"
Gunn looking at the newspaper: "Look, I say if things are quiet, let them be quiet."
Wesley goes to sit down: "Quiet maybe good for mankind - but bad for business. We need to make a name for ourselves."
Gunn: "We can't even agree on a new name yet. Unless, of course you guys have come around to the idea of..."
Wesley: "I don't think so."
Cordy: "Give it up already."
Wesley gets back up: "New name or not we need to be on the streets, plying our trade. Generating a little word of mouth. We can't expect evil to just walk through the door." The front door opens and a woman ushers in a young girl.
Cordy getting up: "Can we help you?"
Francine: "I'm, ah, looking for Wesley Wyndham Price."
Wesley: "I'm Wesley."
Francine: "Ah. I'm Francine Sharp, my daughter Stephanie. I'm a friend of Virginia's from the club."
Wesley: "Oh, right, the country club."
Cordy: "One of Virginia's *rich* friends? (Wesley, Stephanie and Francine give her a look.) You certainly came to the fight place, ha, ha."
Francine: "Virginia said you specialize in, uh, strange phenomenon?"
Cordy: "The stranger the better as far as we're concerned. Please, have s seat. - Tell us what the problem is. (Francine leads her daughter over to a chair) Trust me, we specialize in strange. There is nothing we haven't see... (Trails off as she sees an eye blinking up at her as Stephanie sits down. Turns to Wes and whispers) There's an eye in the back of her head!" Wesley and Gunn come over to take a look. Wesley moves his finger in front of the eye and the eyes tracks it.
Francine: "Something grabbed her on the way home from swim practice and bit her. When she woke up this morning that was there." Wesley crouches down next to Stephanie's chair: "Did you see who or what did this to you?" Stephanie looks over at her mom.
Francine: "It was dark. She doesn't remember much. She's been in a state of shock since it happened. - I'll pay you whatever it takes. Can you make it go away?"
Wesley: "Yes, absolutely. Consider us already on the job."
Cordy: "I knew you came to the right place."
Francine: "Who would do this?"
Wesley: "We're going to find out, but it - it'll take a little time. You'd be surprised how many nasty things are on the streets these days. Two teenagers are running down a dark street, dart around a corner and lean against the wall. The boy glances back around the corner.
Boy: "He's right behind us."
Girl: "Oh god."
Boy: "We got to move. Now." They run on while we see a big shadow on the opposite wall slowly moving closer. The East Hills Teen Shelter, night. Anne hands a stack of blankets to a black girl.
Anne: "Here you go. Pass these out first. And then get Eva to go to the storage room. I bought a bunch of new sleeping bags last week, just in case we got crowded." Anne surveys the packed shelter with a sigh, then goes to answer the front door as someone pounds on it. The two teens we saw running from the shadow are standing outside.
Boy: "Open up! Please, open up. (Anne opens the doors) Anne, look, I know it's past curfew, but we got to come in."
Anne: "Sorry, Kenny. Ten o'clock. You know the rules."
Kenny: "I know, I know, but - you can't leave us out here, okay? There's something - (looks back over his shoulder) - we gotta come in."
Anne: "We're already packed to the ceiling! There is no room, even if I did let you in. No more beds."
Girl: "Please. We'll sleep on the floor."
Kenny: "Anne, don't make us go back out there." Anne steps aside and the two teens hurry inside. Anne takes a look up and down the street then pulls the door closed and locks it. We a see a human figure move in the shadows across the street, the light briefly glinting off a silver badge on its chest and the shiny rim of the cap it is wearing. Intro Merl is in his lair packing his stuff into boxes. Turns around and almost runs into Angel standing there.
Angel: "Hey, Merl."
Merl: "Jesus, man! I mean, can't you, you know, knock?"
Angel: "You don't make that funny expression when I knock, or if you do I don't see it. - What are you doing?"
Merl: "Packing."
Angel: "You're not going anywhere."
Merl: "Oh, yes I am, as in far, as in now."
Angel: "Who's gonna tell me all the fun facts about my friends?"
Merl: "Big meeting tomorrow night, some top-level Wolfram and Hart brass. I think it's a new demon account. 9:30, Diaghilev, that concludes my career as a professional informant. All right? Consider it a - a freebie. Just like every other bit of information I've ever given you."
Angel: "Nine thirty."
Merl: "Tomorrow night. Best of luck. Hope you bust that evil law firm wide open."
Angel: "Well, why the rush to relocate?"
Merl: "Well, lets see, there is, uhm, *you* and then there is every other crook and monstro in this town that thinks they can just waltz in here and pound me until they get information, without paying for it either. I mean at least that British guy understood what a working relationship was, had some respect. *You* don't care about anyone but yourself."
Angel: "I really don't think that you're in a position to judge..."
Merl: "How is old Wesley, huh? - Or the other two you fired? They doing alright? Oh, gee, let me guess. You never even bothered to check."
Angel: "This had better pan out."
Merl: "Nine thirty at Diaghilev. Pleasure doing business with you." Day, the East Hills Teen Shelter, Anne is talking to a black guy carrying a clipboard and pen.
Anne: "And make sure you get full names, no tags, no nicknames. I've seen at least a dozen new faces, and I don't want anyone slipping through the cracks. (Sees the guy that came in late) Kenny. Can I talk to you for a sec? How 've you been? We haven't seen you in a while."
Kenny: "Fine. Crashing different places. You know me and shelters, man. Too many rules. I've got to have my freedom."
Anne: "Hm-mm. So why'd you come in last night?"
Kenny: "I don't know. It was cold out there. I was getting frostbit."
Anne: "It was sixty five degrees outside."
Kenny: "So? I'm from Florida. Sixty five degrees is like the Arctic Circle."
Anne: "Kenny - why'd you come in?"
Kenny: "Cops."
Anne: "What?"
Kenny: "Cops. They've been hassling everybody lately. Which, hey, what else is new, right? But these guys... Last night me and Les where hanging down on thirty ninth."
Anne: "Panhandling?"
Kenny: "No. Washing my Mercedes. All of a sudden this cop comes up out of nowhere and just wham! Hit me so hard I thought my teeth were coming out."
Anne: "He hit you? What were you doing?"
Kenny: "Nothing, I swear to god. And then after he punched me he threw Les against the wall, about near broke her arm. Next thing I know he's reaching for his nightstick, so I just grabbed Les and booked."
Anne: "You mean he wasn't trying to arrest you..."
Kenny: "I'm telling you. He just walked up, said 'no loitering,' slugged me in the mouth, and then chased us for a couple blocks before we made it here."
Anne: "We got a big problem."
Kenny: "Yeah. Good luck solving it. I mean, who you're gonna call? The cops?"
Anne: "I think I know someone who might help." Anne walks into the new Angel Investigations.
Gunn smiles: "Annie! What's up, girl? I haven't seen you in a minute. Come here! (Anne smiles back and they hug) So, what brings you to this neck of the woods?"
Anne: "Well, I just thought I'd see how the other half lives (looks around) and strangely enough, it's not that different." Gunn turns her towards Wes and Cordy.
Cordy: "We like to think of it as early American dilapidation. (Shakes Anne's hand.) Hi. I'm Cordelia."
Anne: "Anne."
Wesley: "Wesley Wyndham-Price. Nice to meet you."
Gunn: "Anne here runs a teen shelter over on Crenshaw, not too far from my hood."
Anne: "Oh Gunn, all this time and you still remember!"
Gunn: "Alright, alright, I get it. But I've been busy. I've been working."
Anne: "Well, if you're not too busy, mind if I run something by you?" Blend to later that evening. Anne is sitting holding a cup of coffee.
Anne: "Kenny is not the only one. I've talked to some of the others and they *all* say the same thing. No provocation, no reason, the police are just terrorizing them."
Gunn: "Renegade cops. Not exactly my usual."
Anne: "Oh, that's right. You used to hunt..." Looks over at Wes and Cordy, still researching at the desk.
Gunn: "Oh, it's cool. It's cool. They know what's what."
Cordy: "What?"
Gunn: "I still hunt vampires, but if this job has taught me anything, it's that there's things a lot worse out there than a set of teeth. "
Anne: "Like a bunch of overzealous cops beating on my kids. - Speaking of which... I should really get back. The shelter's been getting jammed after sunset, and somebody's got to keep them reined in."
Gunn: "I'll go with you. I don't think it's safe for you being out there by yourself. (To Cordy and Wes) I'm gonna head over to the teen center. See if I can figure this thing out."
Cordy: "Oh, gee, and miss out on this exciting case we're working on? (Anne looks at her) One of Wesley's wealthy acquaintances got bit by a demon."
Anne: "Are they okay?"
Wesley: "Uh, for the most part."
Cordy: "Except for where she grew another eye in the back of her head."
Anne: "Oh, that sounds... handy. What kind of demon does that?"
Wesley: "That's what we're trying to figure out. Once we know we should be able to deoculate her. I mean, just the one in back."
Cordy: "Oh, yes, Angel Investigations, home of the wicked high creep factor."
Anne: "Angel?"
Gunn: "Oh, our company. It's named after our former boss. We're planning, uh, on changing it to the Gunn Agency..."
Cordy and Wes: "No, we're not."
Gunn: "As soon as these two narcissists come to their senses."
Anne: "But Angel, that... this isn't the guy in the long, black trench coat, is it?"
Gunn: "You know him?"
Anne: "Yeah. He tried to help me out a few weeks ago." Gunn looks over at Cordy and Wesley. The two of them get up from the desk.
Cordy: "He did?"
Wesley: "Really?" Cordy walks closer to Anne.
Anne: "But it turned out it was just a scam to screw this law firm."
Cordy, brightly: "Well, he hasn't changed a bit." Turns around and goes back to the table. She and Wesley go back to their books.
Gunn to Anne: "Come on." We see Gunn and Anne coming out of the office looking down from overhead.
Gunn: "So, tell me more about this situation." Angel is watching them from the roof of the building opposite and trails them along the edge as they walk away. East Hills Teen Shelter, night. A van pulls up in front of it and Anne and Gunn get out.
Anne: "Thanks for coming by, Gunn."
Gunn: "You know I've got your back. I haven't seen this place in forever."
Anne: "Yeah, it's been a while." Angel watches from the corner as they enter the building. Inside the shelter, Gunn and Anne are sitting on a sofa talking to a group of kids sitting on another one across from them.
Ray: "Look, the cops are tripping, G."
Gunn: "Define tripping for me."
Girl: "Out for blood. Les got her arm busted up."
Ray: "The cops stopped me the other night. He went for his gun, looking to put a cap in my ass, man!"
Anne: "It's outrageous. These cops are gonna kill someone. We have to do something about this."
Gunn: "Anne, you think you could give us a minute?" Anne looks at Gunn then gets up.
Anne: "Yeah. I have some paperwork I could do." Gunn waits till she's gone.
Gunn: "You guys try to play her?"
Girl: "What?"
Ray: "No way, G."
Gunn: "Anne's no fool, but she's got a blind spot. She wants to trust you all. Now, if I find out you're taking advantage of that..."
Ray: "This ain't no scam, G. We're the victims, man!"
Gunn: "Victims. Right. So what was you doing when this cop pulled his piece on you?"
Ray: "Absolutely nothing."
Gunn: "Oh, so I haven't seen you on Normandy and Fifth dealing? You telling me that wasn't you I seen?"
Ray: "That's ancient history, man. I gave that up."
Gunn: "Well, do the cops know that? 'cause maybe they didn't get your e-mail."
Girl: "Hey, we're not talking about some street sweep the PD does to shut up the moms. Okay, this is war, and everyone's a target."
Ray: "She speaks true, G. A hundred percent true." Angel steps away from the window where he's apparently been watching and listening and turns to walk down the sidewalk.
Cop: "Keep your hands where I can see them." Angel turns and spreads his hands: "I'm sorry, officer, have I done something wrong?"
Cop pulls his nightstick: "Turn around. Face the fence. Place your hands on your head."
Angel: "This is a mistake." The cop hits Angel across the jaw with his nightstick and slams him up against the fence.
Cop: "You're under arrest."
Angel: "Believe me, you don't wanna do this." Pushes the cop off him, but the cop rebounds of a parked car and comes right back, swinging his stick.
Cop, calmly: "You have the right to remain silent." Angel blocks the swing and pushes the cop off him again. The cop rebounds off the fence and comes back swinging.
Cop: "Anything you say can..." Angel kicks him in the chest, pushing him back into the fence. Again the cop rebounds swinging his stick.
Cop: "...and will be used against you in a court of law." Angel punches the cop in the stomach, then the back of his head. The Cop drops against the car, then crumbles to the ground and doesn't move. Angel continues down the sidewalk, but hasn't taken more than a couple steps before the cop pops back up and continues dispassionately.
Cop: "You have the right to an attorney." Angel stops and turns, blocking another swing from the cop and punching him in the gut again.
Cop: "Should you be unable to afford an attorney (Swings at Angel, who blocks it) one will be appointed to you." The cop swings again, again Angel blocks. The cop staggers back. Angel turns and kicks the cop's head right off his neck. The head bounces off the windshield, Angel staring after it.
Decapitated and decayed looking head: "Do you understand your rights as I have..." The words slow and stop. Angel looks down at the LAPD badge on the chest of the now equally decayed looking corpse. Break East Hills Shelter, night, two black teens walks up to where Gunn and Anne are sitting and one of them slaps Gunn on the back.
George: "Well, if it isn't Charles Gunn, brother at large." Gunn and Anne get up.
Gunn: "Anne, meet Rondell and George."
Anne: "Hi."
George: "Greetings. Brought the camcorder. What do you need?"
Gunn: "Alright, I've got this little neighborhood problem I promised Anne we'd look into."
Rondell: "This got something to do with the police cracking skulls?"
Gunn: "You know about that?"
George: "Who doesn't?"
Gunn: "I didn't till today. Somebody could have filled me in."
Rondell: "You ain't been around to tell nothing to."
George: "You've been moving on up, dog, - playing demon detective with your new family."
Rondell: "Deluxe apartment in the sky."
George: "When I got the call I figured it must be Christmas or something."
Gunn: "Maybe I shouldn't have called at all. In fact, you know what? You're all free to go."
George: "We already made the trip, might as well go all the way."
Gunn: "Don't do me no favors."
George: "I'm not. The favor's for these kids. - Now you got a plan or don't you?"
Gunn after a beat: "All right, look, the plan is simple. I want you to roll the camcorder and wait for the cops to hassle us."
Anne: "How do you know they will?"
Gunn: "'cause we'll be the ones walking while black. (George laughs) Come on." Gunn, Rondell and George leave. LAPD headquarters, night. Kate walks across the office reading a file to find Angel sitting on the edge of her desk.
Kate: "Haven't seen you in a while."
Angel: "I've been busy."
Kate: "Yeah, me too." Kate walks past him and gets another file out of a drawer.
Kate: "A couple of open cases I've been working. Two women killed in a clothing store. Thirteen lawyers from Wolfram and Hart slaughtered in a wine cellar."
Angel: "Real tragedy."
Kate: "Yeah, you seem real broken up by the loss. Anyway, we're still looking into this one."
Angel: "Good luck with that."
Kate: "I guess you never caught up with your vampire friends in time."
Angel: "I did track them down later and set them on fire."
Kate: "Sounds like you enjoyed it. But then again - the whole murder and mayhem thing's always been right up your alley."
Angel: "If that's how you feel, I guess this isn't the best time to tell you - I just killed a cop."
Kate: "I wouldn't make a joke about that in this building, no matter how immortal you think you are."
Angel: "Of course, this is the kind of cop that keeps talking even after he's been decapitated. (Pulls out the cops badge (number 4226) and shows it to Kate.) Bet they don't teach you that at the academy. Want to tell me who that badge belongs to?" Kate takes the badge and looks at it. Kate is pulling up the file on the badge.
Angel: "That's him."
Kate: "Officer Peter Harkes."
Angel: "You know him?"
Kate: "Well enough to be at his funeral six months ago."
Angel: "You want to take a ride?"
Cordy on the office phone: "Of course we can handle this eye thing without you. That's not the point. - Just that maybe we should back you up on this. - Because I don't want you to get hurt. - Of course I do, *but*... Hello? (Hangs up the phone with a sigh.) Okay, Gunn's about to do a really stupid thing."
Wesley reading his book: "What did he say?"
Cordy: "Just that in order to find out if the police have been brutalizing and killing people in Anne's neighborhood, he's going to videotape the cops trying to brutalize and kill him."
Wesley looks up: "You can't be serious."
Cordy: "Nothing says 'Aha, I'm no to you' like being on the receiving end of a vicious police beating."
Wesley: "You couldn't stop him?"
Cordy: "Hello! Gunn, stubborn, synonyms."
Wesley: "That can't be his plan, can it? I mean, it's - really a dumb plan."
Cordy: "Hey, Gunn graduated with a major in dumb planning from Angel University. He sat at the feet of the master and learned well how to plan dumbly."
Wesley: "We'll just gonna have to let him do this."
Cordy: "Oh. I'm sure he'll be fine."
Wesley: "He wants our help, he knows where to call us."
Cordy: "We'll work our gig, Gunn can work his."
Wesley: "Right. Lets get down there and save him from himself."
Cordy: "It's not like that third eye is really going anywhere." Angel and Kate are walking up to the grave of Peter Harkes.
Kate: "That one. Never saw the guy who shot him."
Angel: "Catch the killer?"
Kate: "Oh, yeah. Not exactly a criminal genius. He's up for the death penalty."
Angel: "You said his funeral was six months ago."
Kate: "Around then. Why?"
Angel: "This ground's been disturbed in the past few weeks. Someone's done some digging."
Kate: "How do you know?" Angel just looks at her.
Angel: "A lot of cops buried here?"
Kate: "Yeah." Angel walks over to another grave.
Angel: "How about him?"
Kate: "Kevin worked vice. (Angel nods to himself.) What is going on here?"
Angel: "I think someone is unearthing dead cops and putting them back on the streets."
Kate: "What? How is that?"
Angel: "Zombies. - Magically reanimated corpses. They walk they talk, but somebody else is pulling their strings." Kate looks down at the grave then runs off to another one, Angel following.
Kate: "Is it... my dad, is he..."
Angel: "No. His ground's undisturbed."
Kate: "Are you sure?"
Angel: "I'm sure." Kate puts a hand over her mouth and does her best not to break down crying.
Angel: "You okay?"
Kate: "Who's doing this?" Anne is coming down the crowded steps at the shelter carrying a stack of blankets.
Anne to teen: "Could you give Emma a hand in the kitchen?" There is a pounding on the front door and Anne goes to answer it.
Anne: "Sorry, no more... (Sees that it's Cordy and Wes) Hi, what..."
Cordy: "Is Gunn still here?"
Anne: "No, he left with his friends a little while ago. Why?"
Wesley: "Did he say where he was going?"
Anne: "Forty fifth street, I think."
Wesley turns to go: "I'll start there. I'm on my cell phone if you hear from him."
Cordy: "Check in with me."
Wesley: "Right." Cordy looks inside the shelter.
Cordy: "Huh, looks like you could use some help."
Anne: "All of my regular staffers are too scared to come in tonight."
Cordy: "Where do you want me to start?"
Anne hands her the blankets: "How are your laundry folding skills?"
Cordy: "I'm an actress. I can - fake it." Cordy turns and sees a girl wearing the blouse Angel donated to the shelter in "Blood Money" coming down the stairs.
Cordy: "Hey! That's my... (The girl looks at her) Sorry. - I have a shirt just like that. (To Anne) The crook at the store said it was one of a kind! Big fibber!" Anne turns to shut the door but a but black guy wearing a black leather jacket jumps up the steps from the street, blocking the door.
Anne: "I'm sorry, I'm all out of beds."
Jackson: "Oh, come on now, sweet thing. You know it's not save for man or beast out here." Anne tires to shut the door again: "I'm very sorry, but I really don't have any (they guy steps in) free beds."
Jackson: "Oh, you don't have to worry about me. I'm sure I can find someone willing to share. (Watches two girls walking up the steps) Oh, yes. Plenty of candidates." Cordy throws the stack of blankets to the side and takes a step closer to the guy.
Anne: "I really think it would be best if you left."
Cordy: "You should probably go."
Jackson: "This is a shelter, right? Well, it just so happens - I'm in need of a little shelter tonight." Pushes Cordy out of the way and walks deeper into the shelter.
Cordy: "Hey! Hey." Cordy is about to go after the guy but Anne stops her.
Anne: "Let him go. I don't want any trouble." Black leather guy bumps into the retired drug dealer kid Gunn was talking with earlier.
Ray: "Oh, watch out man... Jackson."
Jackson: "Lookee here. You been ducking me lately, Ray? Hmm?"
Ray: "No."
Jackson: "No?"
Ray: "No."
Jackson: "You don't still think I'm pissed at you, do you?"
Ray: "I don't know."
Jackson: "Why you're shaking, Ray? What you got to be nervous about? - You don't think I'm gonna kill you or something, do you? - Huh?"
Ray: "No." Jackson laughs and claps Ray on the shoulder.
Jackson: "I'd never kill you here, Ray. Not in front of all the pretty ladies. You know I'd never kill you *here*, hmm?" Laughs and walks away. Gunn and his two buddies are walking down a dark street.
George: "All right, look, all I'm saying is you got to let me set up so they don't see me with this. Cops see me with this, ain't no way we can Rodney King them."
Gunn: "Yeah, that's if we ever find any. I never had to look so hard to find trouble before." George points at a street sign.
George: "Hey, check it. Forty fifth street, man."
Gunn: "So?"
Rondell: " You're kidding me. This is gang ground. They catch us rolling up in here they'll take us out."
George: "That's why we ain't seen no cops. They don't even come around here."
Gunn: "I said you was free to go."
George: "Hey, man, I say I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it." Gunn looks at the deserted street.
Gunn: "Damn. Someone having an apocalypse and forget to invite us?" A cop comes walking up the street behind them tapping his nightstick against the wall of the building and the three turn to face him.
Cop: "What are you doing?"
Gunn: "Doing? Nothing, man, just taking a walk."
Cop: "Put your hands on the wall, step back and spread your feet apart."
Gunn: "You arresting us?" Gunn looks back to make sure that George is getting it all with the camcorder peeking from his coat. Camcorder picture shows Gunn and the cop with a little REC in the upper left corner.
Cop: "Do as you're instructed."
Gunn: "Officer, I'd just like to know if we're being arrested."
Officer: "Turn around and face the wall. Now."
Gunn: "Hey, I'm not trying to argue with you, but - I'd like to know what we did wrong. You know, what law we broke? Because if we broke one, I think we should know what it was so we don't make the same mistake twice."
Cop lifts his stick: "I'm not gonna say it again." Wesley comes running up the street behind the cop.
Wesley: "Wait! Officer, wait! This man is a friend of mine, a very good friend. I'm sure he hasn't committed any..." The cop spins around and shoots Wesley in the belly. Wesley staggers from the impact, looks at the cop in disbelief then sinks down against the wall of the building. Break
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gunn: "Wesley!" Gunn tackles the cop, knocking the gun from his hand. Rondell darts in and picks up the gun. The cop hits Gunn and reaches down to his ankle.
George: "He's got another gun!" The cop pulls out his hideout gun and Rondell shoots him twice, dropping him to the ground.
Rondell: "Oh man! Oh man!"
George: "Lets get the hell out of here."
Gunn: "Help me get Wesley." As Gunn hurries over to Wesley, Rondell drops the gun, staring at it.
Wesley to Gunn: "Is anyone else cold?"
Gunn: "It's okay now. We're gonna take you some place warm. Help me pick him up! Come on! Come on!" Gunn and George pick Wesley up while Rondell stares at the dead cop.
Rondell: "I shot him! I shot a cop!"
Gunn: "Not a lot of choice."
George: "We got to move."
Rondell: "I killed a police officer. Look at him. He's dead!" Which is when the police officer sits back up.
Gunn: "Don't look *that* dead."
George: "Lets go!" The four of them run as best they can with Wesley supported between Gunn and George. The cop reaches up to the radio clipped to his shoulder.
Cop: "We have a situation."
Radio: "Are there any loose ends?"
Cop: "We have witnesses. I need back up." Gunn and the others hurry down a street.
Gunn: "Hold up. Hold up. I got to try and stop this bleeding." Points to a hole in a chain link fence, and they slip through it, then around the corner of the building.
Gunn: "Around here. - Put him down. Easy! Take it easy!."
Wesley: "Nine one one. You've got to call 911."
Rondell: "Screw the cops! They're the ones that did this to you!"
Gunn: "An ambulance."
Rondell: "Oh." Wesley pulls out his cell.
Gunn: "Alright. (To Rondell) Go down and keep watch." Rondell hurries back to the hole in the fence, while Gunn dials the phone.
George: "Tell them no siren."
Phone: "911 What is your emergency?" Kate and Angel enter the office of a police precinct.
Kate: "It's pretty quiet in here." The office is deserted. Angel hits the bell on the counter and a door in the back opens and an officer comes out.
Officer: "Can I help you folks?"
Kate shows her badge: "Yeah. I'm investigating some complaints about the way some officers are handling things in this precinct."
Officer: "Isn't that more a job for internal affairs?"
Kate: "Well, I'm taking a personal interest." The captain passes behind the officer and disappears into the back office.
Kate: "Where is everyone?"
Officer: "Oh, only a few of us riding the desk tonight."
Angel: "Not a lot going on?"
Officer: "Crime is way down in this precinct. We're doing things right."
Angel: "Who takes credit for that?"
Officer: "It's a team effort. But, the captain's the one who really got the ball rolling."
Angel: "Can we talk to him?"
Officer: "He's not here. But you're free to try again later though."
Kate: "This captain of yours, he's running things by the book?" Officer looks from Angel to Kate: "I don't have to tell you who used to rule these streets, detective. The scumbags did. Hell, I-I was afraid to drive to work myself."
Kate: "Oh, really?"
Officer: "We got a tougher policy now." Gunn is pressing a rag to Wesley's wound as Rondell comes running back.
Rondell: "Ambulance ain't gonna come down here."
George: "Shut up before they hear you." Rondell hurries back to his post as Gunn takes off his coat to cover Wesley.
Wesley: "I don't think I'm doing very well."
Gunn: "Hey, you're gonna be fine, man, alright? Getting shot like this... Yeah, I've seen a lot of people been shot worse than this never even slowed them down."
Rondell comes hurrying back: "It's here!"
Gunn: "Come on, hurry, move!" Wesley is being loaded into the ambulance by a white and a black paramedic.
Gunn to George and Rondell: "Meet me back at the shelter, all right? Watch your backs!" George and Rondell run off. Gunn as the white paramedic is about the close the back doors: "Hey, hey! I'm with him." Gunn gets into the back of the ambulance and it drives off.
Gunn: "It's alright, Wesley, hang on. We're almost there, okay?" As the ambulance nears the end of the alley two cop cars with flashing lights block its exit.
Driver: "Something is going on up here. I'll go see what it is." Gunn gets up to look out through the front windshield to see the driver talking to the cops.
Driver: "Hey you guys, you got to let us through. We got..."
Gunn: "No! Don't!"
Driver: "...a wounded man in the back. We got to get him..." Gunn darts out the back and into the driver's seat as the cops open fire on the driver, riddling him with bullets.
Gunn: "Hang on!" Gunn backs up the ambulance, until his way is blocked by another cop car. Turns the ambulance and rams it through the fence they slipped through earlier. Three cops run after them, firing their guns at the back of the ambulance. Gunn makes it out of the alley and starts to speed down the road. The ambulance pulls up outside the shelter. Gunn opens the back doors and starts to unstrap Wesley.
Black paramedic: "We're stopping? What are you doing?"
Gunn: "Trying to survive. Help me get him inside. Come on, Wes. Come on, man." Gunn gets Wesley up while the paramedic grabs the IV bag off the hook and hands it to Gunn.
Paramedic: "Here take this." Gunn holds out his arms to Wesley as he teeters at the doors of the ambulance.
Gunn: "Come on, man. I got you." Anne goes to answer the pounding on the front door of the shelter.
Gunn: "Annie! Open up. It's G. Open up! Hurry!" Anne opens the door.
Anne: "Oh my god! What happened?"
Gunn: "They shot him."
Anne: "Who did?"
Gunn: "The cops. They're not human." Anne stares for a moment then goes to close the door. Outside a police car pulls up on the other side of the street. The driver reaches for his radio.
Cop: "All passengers are on board, sir." The police captain is listening to the report on his radio.
Cop: "We have full containment."
Captain: "Wait for back up. Secure the entire section. - Clean house." The paramedic is taking Wesley's blood pressure while Wesley is clinging to one of Gunn's hands.
Wesley: "He had no right."
Gunn: "I know man, shh." Cordy comes hurrying up to the sofa.
Cordy: "Wesley, I...(to paramedic) What can I do?" The paramedic hands her a pad: "Apply pressure to the wound."
Cordy to Wesley: "Okay. I got it. Hang in there. It's okay." Gunn goes to look out a window.
Anne: "Are we safe here?"
Gunn: "Safer than out there. But we need to lock all the doors, alright? And keep everyone away from the windows!"
Anne: "You heard him! Lets go! Come on!" Jackson sees Wesley's wound as everyone clears out to do as told.
Jackson: "Oh! - Damn. Now that looks nasty."
Gunn: "Jackson? What the hell are you doing here?"
Anne in the background: "How are we gonna keep the cops out?"
Jackson: "I say let 'em come, bro. I know how to handle cops." Pulls up his shirt to reveal a gun stuck in the waist of his pants.
Gunn: "That life style working out for you?"
Jackson: "Don't get all high and mighty with me, player. I know where you come from."
Gunn: "Where I come from you don't bring down a community. You try and make it better."
Jackson: "I'm just doing my thing, man. Why - why don't you go on and get out of my face."
Gunn: "Your thing hurts everybody! Why do you think nobody cares they're clamping down on this neighborhood?"
Jackson: "'cause they're a bunch of racist pigs."
Gunn: "There is that. And there's people like you - tch! A thug with a gun, keeping the cycle going."
Jackson: "Not my problem."
Gunn: "No! See, it's my problem, all right? 'cause they shot my friend over there."
Jackson: "Oh. - Yeah. White man dying. Not exactly losing sleep on it." Gunn pushes Jackson up against the wall but Anne come hurrying up.
Anne: "Hey. We can't afford this. Not now." The police captain is listening to the radio.
Cop on radio: "All units are in place."
Captain: "Go. And keep it quiet. No gunfire."
Paramedic: "He's going south."
Cordy: "No. Come on." Gunn still holding Jackson up against the wall turns his head to look at the paramedic.
Gunn: "What?"
Paramedic: "I think there's internal bleeding, but we can't help him here. We've got to get him to St. John's, fast." Gunn lets of Jackson and goes over to the sofa: "Look we can't go back out there, all right? You saw what they did to him."
Cordy: "He's going to die. We're taking him to a hospital, now. I don't care who's out there!"
Gunn: "Alright. Get the door." Cordy hurries off as Gunn drapes one of Wesley's arms over his shoulder trying to get him up.
Gunn: "Come on."
Wesley: "Where are we going?"
Gunn: "To the hospital."
Wesley: "That sounds sensible to me." Cordy opens the door just as two cop cars pull up. Closes it again and hurries over to Gunn.
Cordy: "They're here." Break Cops are getting out of the cars and head for the shelter. Inside the kids are attempting to barricade the windows and doors.
Gunn: "Take this bat. I want you to use it, all right? - Come on. Everything against the windows! Move! Move. Do this quick." More cops coming closer. Anne and another guy slip a bar in place over a door.
Anne: "Okay. Nail this shut. (moves off, sees another kid) Check the kitchen door." The Police captain puts down his radio and sits down behind his desk as the door opens and Angel steps in.
Captain: "Can I help you?" Angel just walks in and looks over some things on one of the desks.
Captain: "Excuse me, what are you doing?"
Angel: "Looking around."
Captain: "Who are you?" Angel picking up an open medal case: "Angel." Captain takes the case from him: "Well, Angel, if you need something I'm sure someone downstairs would be willing to help you."
Angel: "Actually I need to talk to you."
Captain: "About what?"
Angel: "About some of your more - dead cops?" The captain chuckles and gets up.
Captain: "Maybe we should talk about you instead." Pulls his gun and fires two bullets into Angel's torso. Angel curls up around the wounds for a moment then come back up in vamp face.
Angel: "How do I stop them?" The captain points his gun again, but Angel grips his hand and tosses him across the room. Grabs him by the throat and pushes him up against the wall.
Angel: "I'll repeat the question." The cops are stepping up to the windows of the shelter.
Gunn: "Move, people, move." Four cops are trying to open the front door.
Telephone voice: "All circuits are busy. Please hang up and try your call again."
Cordy to cell phone: "This is no time for circuits busy! So, don't tell me circuits are busy. If the circuits are busy - get some new circuits now!" The cops are pulling off the bars across the lower parts of the windows. Gunn to the kids moving the furniture: "Come on, push them up there." Cops are battering against the front door, climbing up on the windowsills, battering against the back door.
Angel: "How do I stop them?"
Captain: "These are good cops. They pout their lives on the line. They died on the streets."
Angel: "You should have left them that way."
Captain: "I won't betray them!" Knocks Angel's hand from his throat and flees towards the back of his office, pushes a file cabinet aside and slips through a hidden door behind it. Angel darts after him. The kids are pushing bookshelves up against the windows. The cops are breaking the glass and one of them reaches in and pulls one of the kids moving the shelf out through the window.
Gunn: "Alright. Get the kids in the back."
Anne: "Get them upstairs." The cops are trying to come in through the windows and the kids are beating them back with their baseball bats. Anne goes to check another door and one of the cops reaches in through the bottom of the window beside her and grabs her foot, trying to drag her outside. Screaming Anne lays into him with her bat. Cordy, carrying a hammer, comes over and hammers the hand holding Anne, getting it to let go. Anne scrambles up and they pull a chair in front of the window, only to have the cop stick his arm through the window above it. Cordy gives it a couple good whacks before they run. Jackson is heading for one of the side doors, pulling out his gun he opens it, only to be clubbed down by a cop lying in wait on the other side of the door. Gunn comes over and hits the cop a couple of times with his bat, knocking him back out the door, then slams the door shut and locks it again. Gunn holds out a hand towards Jackson, who takes it, and pulls himself up.
Cordy: "Gunn! Gunn! Help." She and Anne are trying to hold the front door shut. Gunn and Jackson hurry over to help. The police captain is in a back room lit with candles sitting on shelves along the walls in front of pictures of numerous police officers. He is frantically digging through a trunk, pulling out a cross and some other stuff when Angel burst in.
Angel: "How are you controlling them, hmm? (Goes to inspect the stuff on the table, pulls some stuff out of a bowl) The entrails?" Lets them drop when the Captain doesn't react. Two of the kids freak, abandon the back door and the cops break through. Other doors (including the front door) break open and cops come in through the windows. One cop pushes Gunn up against the wall, another grabs Cordy.
Angel spots a statue: "Here we go. It's the idol of Granath. The Zombie god." Picks the idol up as the captain charges him with a scream, cross raised high to strike. Angel smashes the idol on the captain's head and as he drops to the floor, covered in its pieces, so do the zombie cops at the shelter, turning into decaying corpses.
Anne hurries towards the stairs: "The kids."
Cordy: "Wesley!" She runs over to the sofa and Gunn and Jackson follow.
Gunn to the paramedic: "Get the ambulance ready. (To Jackson) Help me pick him up."
Jackson: "Hm-mm. Sorry. Looks like the streets just got a lot safer for me. - Time to go to work." Jackson leaves. Cordy moves to help Gunn with Wesley: "Lets go." Cordy as they pick Wesley up: "Come on, sweetie."
Gunn: "Here we go."
Cordy: "Okay." Police headquarters, Angel walks up to Kate's desk and sits down.
Angel: "Hi. - I thought you might want to know I took care of our little cop problem."
Kate hands Angel a file: "Crime reports from that precinct. - Up until three months ago there was a murder every two weeks, a rape every two days, a robbery every hour and a half. And that's what we just gave back to the people of that community."
Angel: "I can live with that."
Kate: "You learn to live with a lot of things, don't you?" Angel hands the file back to her: "Yeah."
Kate: "This job is making me crazy."
Angel: "I know the feeling." A woman hands Kate a file: "For you, detective."
Kate: "Thanks. (Looks at the file) Wyndham-Price, isn't that the guy that works for you?" Wesley is lying on a hospital bed with Gunn sitting in a chair beside him. Slowly Wesley's eyes open. Gunn leans in closer.
Gunn: "Hey." Wesley slowly looks over at him.
Wesley: "Hey."
Gunn: "How're you doing?"
Wesley: "Oh, I feel I should be in a great deal of pain."
Gunn: "Getting gut-shot will do that to you."
Wesley: "And yet... (Looks at the IV on his left hand) Is this morphine? (Gunn nods) Well, it's bloody lovely!" Giggles. Gunn smiles and grabs a hold of Wesley's hand for a moment before sitting back in his chair with a sigh. The camera pulls back through the window into Wesley's room, into the corridor to reveal Angel standing by the nurses' desk, watching. Angel turns to leave only to find Cordy standing right behind him.
Cordy: "What are you doing here?"
Angel: "I heard about Wesley."
Cordy: "Well, that's great. Too bad it takes a gunshot wound to make you give a crap. - Wesley doesn't need you right now. *We* don't need you. - You walked away. Do us a favor and just stay away." After a beat Cordy walks past Angel into Wesley's room. Angel watches as she hands a cup of coffee to Gunn them leans down to brush Wesley's hair. Then turns and walks away down the corridor.
FADE TO BLACK | Plan: A: Anne; Q: Who is the head of the teen shelter? A: assistance; Q: What does Anne seek from Gunn, Wesley, and Cordelia? A: Wesley; Q: Who is shot and wounded by one of the zombie officers? A: kids; Q: Who is being harassed by police officers? A: police officers; Q: Who is harassing the kids in the area? A: a bad part; Q: What part of town does the police chief live in? A: duty; Q: What is the line of what the police officers are killed in? A: Angel; Q: Who cannot bring himself to visit his former employee? A: the zombie officers' puppet master; Q: Who are Angel and Detective Lockley trying to track down? Summary: Anne, head of the teen shelter, seeks assistance from Gunn, Wesley, and Cordelia when she learns of kids in the area being harassed by police officers. It seems a frustrated police chief in a bad part of town initiates a new program to combat rising violence on the streets: resurrecting officers killed in the line of duty. Unbeknownst to the others, Angel and Detective Lockley attempt to track down the zombie officers' puppet master. In the process, Wesley is shot and badly wounded by one of the officers. Angel however cannot bring himself to visit his former employee. |
(In Taipei, Will is dragged into a room by two guards. The doors to the room are very similiar to the ones in he torture room in the pilot, so it could be he same room Sydney was in. They throw Will down on a chair and handcuff his ankles to the legs and handcuff his wrists. His face is swollen and bruised. His left eye is swollen shut and blue. Sark follows them in and nods to the guards. They leave Sark and Will alone.)
SARK: My employer instructed me to keep you alive... but not comfortable. So, I'll ask you once. What is the circumference? And how do you know about it?
WILL: Listen to me, man. There's been a major misunderstanding here. I don't know what the circumference is. Do you understand me? I don't know.
(Sark nods and turns. He leaves. Just like in the pilot, we get closer on those doors. They suddenly burst open and the gentleman from that episode walks in. A guard comes in with him and grabs Will by his hair. He yanks his head back.)
WILL: Aahh!
(They pry open his mouth with a clamp. The man leans in close. Will's eyes get wide.)
SUIT AND GLASSES: Hello.
(Back home, Sydney is just waking up. She sits up in bed. Francie comes in with some sheets in a folder and sits down next to her bed.)
FRANCIE: I'm opening a restaurant.
SYDNEY: What?
FRANCIE: Screw it. I have to open a restaurant. I just decided.
SYDNEY: How--what are you talking about?
FRANCIE: I feel like I've been sitting around, waiting for my life to start. My ass is on that couch, like, twelve hours a day.
SYDNEY: Francie, you're about to graduate from business school...
FRANCIE: Yeah, but then what? I don't have a plan. Here's a plan.
SYDNEY: Where is it? Do you already have a place?
FRANCIE: Yeah. It's in Silver Lake. I'm not even sure what it's going to be yet, but--
(Syndey's cell phone rings. She gets up out of bed and answers it.)
SYDNEY: Hello?
SARK: Sydney Bristow.
SYDNEY: Yes.
SARK: I'm calling on this line because I know it's untraceable. Listen to me very carefully. We have your friend and we plan to kill him... unless you do the following. There's a document recently stolen from a nightclub in Paris. It belongs to my employer. Now, it appears to be a blank page and it has a great value to him. He wants it back, along with a certain container of liquid. I believe you are familiar with the items to which I am referring?
(Sydney is crying. She tries to answer firmly, as if she isn't.)
SYDNEY: Yes. I am.
WILL: SYD! Don't listen to him! Don't do anything for me!
SARK: You have forty-eight hours. There's an alleyway in Taipei at Ho Ping and Ryuian. Be there Tuesday at midnight.
(On the pier, Sydney and Jack meet. She's crying.)
SYDNEY: The CIA has the page Khasinau wants. SD-6 has the ampule. You and I could get them both and just turn them over.
JACK: We can't afford to blindly hand the enemy something he wants so desperately.
SYDNEY: I don't know much about you. Do you have any close friends? I mean, people that you love?
JACK: I don't need a lecture on friendships to understand what's at stake here. And while I might look at scenarios more strategically than emotionally, you could learn something from my experience. The Rambaldi document Khasinau wants -- he can't make the ink on that page visible without the vial of liquid, the ampule. Reading that page is so important to Khasinau that he risked sending a team into SD-6 to try and steal it.
SYDNEY: You want to get the page and the ampule and see for ourselves what that page is?
JACK: We can't strategize our next move without that information.
(A few minutes later, Jack has his laptop out and he's typing.)
JACK: Getting the ampule from he CIA storage facility should be straightforward. It's recovering the page that I'm concerned about. It was moved to the SD-6 off-site lab for analysis. The lab is on a former military site near Santa Barbara. It's surrounded by water. You'll have to get in through the drainage system and access requires Sloane's voice ID and fingerprints.
(Her pager goes off.)
SYDNEY: It's Vaughn.
JACK: Khasinau knew about the safehouse. He must have someone on the inside.
SYDNEY: I know.
JACK: As long as there's a mole at the CIA, you can't tell Vaughn a thing. Not that you've been contacted, or that you and I have spoken.
(In the self-storage, Sydney sits on a chair with her head in her hands. Vaughn paces.)
VAUGHN: Sydney, I'm so sorry about this but there's no reason to assume the worst. They used tranquilizers on the security team, which means they weren't out for blood. If this is a kidnapping, they'll contact us.
(He sits down in the chair across from her and she looks up.)
SYDNEY: I'm just so scared for him. You'll contact me if you hear anything?
(He looks in her eyes.)
SYDNEY: Vaughn.
VAUGHN: What's going on?
SYDNEY: What do you mean?
(At the CIA, in Weiss' office, Vaughn paces again while Weiss sits behind his desk.)
VAUGHN: I haven't known Sydney that long, but I feel like I have. Like I know her well enough to know that she doesn't just accept problems. She tries to fix them.
WEISS: So, you think she'll try and get her friend back by using back channels?
VAUGHN: Maybe.
WEISS: And why wouldn't she tell you?
VAUGHN: The safehouse was compromised. She doesn't exactly trust the CIA right now. Would you?
WEISS: Trust is a tricky thing.
VAUGHN: What does that mean?
WEISS: I think you need to fill Devlin in on what you've been thinking about Sydney.
VAUGHN: Not a chance.
WEISS: Michael--
VAUGHN: What, fill him in on conjecture?
WEISS: I know this is a difficult time for you--
VAUGHN: What are you saying?
WEISS: Do not let your concern for Sydney get ahead--
VAUGHN: Eric, that's not--
WEISS: --GET AHEAD of your responsibility to the Agency!
VAUGHN: That's not what I'm doing here!
(Haladki pops his head in.)
HALADKI: Hey, my investigation is on a schedule. You have an appointment with me. You're late.
WEISS: Yeah, I didn't think you'd mind.
HALADKI: Hey, guess what? I do!
(Weiss leaves. When he passes by Haladki, he gives him a little shoulder check.)
(At a beach house somwhere near the ocean, Sloane leads Emily outside where two chairs are placed.)
EMILY: Arvin, this is beautiful... what did you do, did you rent this place for me to recover in?
(He doesn't say anything and guides her over to the chairs.)
EMILY: Stop. You've been quiet since we left the hospital.
(They sit down across from one another.)
EMILY: Arvin, you're scaring me.
(He looks out at the water for a few moments.)
SLOANE: SD-6 is not part of the CIA.
(He leans forward and tells her everything. Her eyes tear up and she looks frightened of him. He gets closer, pleading. She begins to cry, staring at him as he talks. She doesn't say a thing but she begins shaking slightly and crying. He pleads. She shakes and yells something. Sloane gets up and moves away from her. Then he walks away and goes back inside. Emily is shaking and crying. She closes her eyes.)
(In a van, Jack and Sydney debrief.)
JACK: This shirt is made of a heat sensitive material. Get Sloane to touch it. It'll transmit a digital copy of his prints and I'll create a latex duplicate.
(He gives her a watch.)
JACK: This is a wireless relay. It'll log me into Sloane's computer once you're in range of the terminal. I'll acquire the passwords then you'll lead the conversation. He doesn't need to say the actual words. Every word in the English language is comprised of forty-four basic phonemes. He's likely to say most of them in casual conversation. I'll shape them into the words we need. Once you'll leave Sloane's office, you'll have less than an hour to get to the facility before the passwords change.
SYDNEY: Dad... thanks.
(Marshall's office. He's working on something -- not a pop-up book -- when Dixon enters.)
DIXON: Marshall, can you remember back to the Aconcagua operation? Sydney's code name?
MARSHALL: Miss Bristow? It was, uh, Bluebird.
DIXON: Bluebird. So it wasn't Freelancer?
MARSHALL: Freelancer? No, no, it was Bluebird. Definitely.
(Sloane's office. He sits behind his desk looking depressed. Sydney enters.)
SYDNEY: Excuse me. Do you have a minute?
SLOANE: Yeah. Yeah, of course.
SYDNEY: I feel so selfish coming to you like this...
(In the van, Jack sits behind a few monitors and watches Sydney's view on Sloane from the camera she's wearing. He's listening in on the conversation.)
SYDNEY: ...Especially knowing what you and Emily must be going through right now. I'm sorry.
SLOANE: Sydney...
(He gets up and leaves his computer, comes around to talk to her.)
JACK: Okay, Sydney, keep him away from his computer.
(Sydney clicks the watch and pretends to look upset.)
SLOANE: What is it, Sydney? You can tell me.
(He touches her shoulder.)
SLOANE: Come on. You can tell me.
(The transmit from Sloane's touch comes up on Jack's monitor. He tears out the latex duplicate.
JACK: Got his prints. Still accessing central security.
SYDNEY: I don't remember much about my mother. When I think of the things that I miss, the experiences I wish I had with someone... sitting in a garden, talking... look, I think I had those things with Emily and the thought of losing that connection...
(His phone rings on his desk, right by his computer.)
SLOANE: Excuse me.
(It still shows on his computer monitor that Jack is accessing the security. Jack types quickly. He's in. He puts the screen back up. Sloane answers the phone.)
SLOANE: Yeah? I'll be right there.
(He hangs up and comes closer to Sydney.)
SLOANE: When Emily was diagnosed with cancer, the doctors predicted she had six months. That was three years ago.
(Jack, in the van, starts configuring the sounds and manipulating them for the passwords.)
SLOANE: And you know, in a way, we're lucky. Thinking every day may be her last has reminded us how priveleged we are to have her in our lives.
JACK: We still need the consonant "ch," Sydney. As in "choose."
SLOANE: I have to get ready for this meeting--
SYDNEY: Did you and Emily ever think of having children?
SLOANE: What we do here Sydney, is more than just a career. I didn't think it would be fair to bring someone into the world who couldn't really know their father. Seeing the kind of woman you've become, knowing that I had something to do with it... that's as rewarding as if I had a child of my own.
JACK: b*st*rd.
(He configures the last sound for "choose." Sydney walks out of the office and sees Dixon sitting at his desk.)
JACK: You have exactly fifty-seven minutes before the passwords change.
(She smiles. Dixon smiles back and watches her walk out.)
(In the torture room, a drill whirs in Will's mouth. He gasps and screams. Suit and Glasses takes the drill away and wipes it off.)
SUIT AND GLASSES: You had a cavity. Talk to me about the circumference.
WILL: I don't know anything about the circumference... I swear to God... I swear to God... Please...
(He gets out the pliers.)
WILL: No, no... no, no, no, no...
(He comes closer.)
WILL: NOO! Arghhhhhhhhhhh! AHHHHHH!
(Suit and Glasses yanks out a tooth. Will squirms and screams.)
(Sloane's office. The Alliance leader Ramond sits across from Sloane at his desk.)
RAMOND: As you know, the Alliance granted your request to spare your wife. Your argument at the time was that she was suffering from a terminal illness. But that is no longer the case.
SLOANE: Well... I propose we bring Emily in. Emily spent eight years in the state department, she was a senior partner at--
RAMOND: Arvin.
SLOANE: Emily will be an asset here.
RAMOND: If I were in your position, I might try to do the ame but it won't work. I am truly sorry but these are the prescripts of the Alliance.
SLOANE: You don't know the kind of mistake that you are making here.
RAMOND: As I said before, threats will do no good.
SLOANE: This threat might. It's not what I'll do if you have Emily killed, it's what I won't do. The Alliance is falling apart, Ramond. This organization is crumbling under the weight of corruption, bureaucracy, infighting, fear. With enemies like Khasinau, we live in a new world. Do you tell me that you think the Alliance is going to survive under its current state? We need new leadership. With Briault and Poole gone, there are two empty chairs around the partners' table.
RAMOND: And you want one of them.
SLOANE: I demand one of them.
RAMOND: Arvin, I came here today not only to hear your appeal for your wife but because the Alliance has already voted and they agreement was unanimous. We agree that you should be admitted to full partner.
SLOANE: Good.
RAMOND: However... this offer is contingent on your fulfilling the other matter.
(Sydney drives up, alone, to the water's edge and gets out. She zips up her scuba outfit and puts her mask on. Looks at her watch. Gets her pack on. And dives in. Dixon sits in his car nearby and watches her. Sydney swims, flashlight in hand. She gets to the drainage cover and takes out a torch, removing the grid. She enters.)
(The CIA conference room with Vaughn, Weiss, Haladki and Devlin.)
VAUGHN: So, I'm confused. Why was I called in here?
DEVLIN: Mr. Weiss mentioned that you were suspicious of Sydney Bristow.
(Vaughn looks at Weiss, who is sitting next to him..)
(Sydney enters the building and takes off her mask.)
(At the CIA storage building, Jack drives up and shows his badge to the security officer. She nods and clears him in.)
(Conference room.)
VAUGHN: When I mentioned I was suspicious, I simply meant that Sydney seemed troubled.
HALADKI: But that isn't the word you used, is it?
(Sydney runs in her scuba gear to the security panel. She checks her watch. She has eight seconds left before the passwords change. She takes out the latex duplicate and covers her finger. She takes out a tape recorder and plays the manipulated passwords.)
SLOANE'S VOICE: Rule. Dear. Choose.
(She presses her finger with his fingerprint up to the panel and enters. She runs in the lab and sees the page. She rolls it up and puts it in a can. She runs out.)
(Jack walks in the storage room. He punches in a code and opens the doors.)
(Conference room.)
VAUGHN: What I said was I feel I have an understanding of Sydney Bristow and that she doesn't just accept problems, she tries to fix them.
HALADKI: And that perhaps Ms. Bristow and her father are trying to secure release of Mr. Tippin on their own?
VAUGHN: It was just a conversation. I have--
DEVLIN: Is it your opinion, Mr. Vaughn, that Ms. Bristow is hiding something from you? Hiding something from the Central Intelligence Agency?
(Vaughn looks at Weiss all, "How could you?")
VAUGHN: Yes, sir.
(Jack takes out the ampule and closes the box up.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Devlin's office. He's alone and speaking on the phone to the female guard who let Jack through.)
DEVLIN: Yeah, it's Devlin. Records say Jack Bristow checked into your location.
GUARD: Yeah, like, twenty minutes ago.
DEVLIN: Keep him there!
GUARD: Sir... he already left.
(On the shore, Sydney takes off the headgear and shakes out her wet hair. Dixon walks up.)
DIXON: In Aconcagua, when I was shot, you radioed for help. You used the call sign Freelancer. Sydney, your SD-6 call sign was Bluebird. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt. I even made excuses for you in my head. Trouble is, I don't believe any of those excuses. Who are you working for? And do not play games with me!
SYDNEY: Dixon, you know that I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that I would never do anything to betray what we believe in!
DIXON: How am I supposed to know what you believe when you've been lying to me? I'm your partner!
SYDNEY: Just think about this for a minute. Just think about everything we've been through. Just think about who I am. Now, what I am going to ask you to do is just accept the fact that I cannot tell you what this is about. What I am doing is classified but Dixon... I swear to you that I am not betraying this country. I could never do that. You know that!
DIXON: I don't need rhetoric, Sydney. Right now, I need a reason not to report you to security section.
(Devlin's office. His telephone rings.)
DEVLIN: Yeah.
(Jack's driving in his car, talking on his cell.)
JACK: It's me.
DEVLIN: Jack? What the hell are you doing?
JACK: I'm saving someone's life.
DEVLIN: Really? Well, you may be destroying another one! You just stole classified property of the United States government!
JACK: You'll get the solution back plus a copy of the Rambaldi page.
DEVLIN: Jack, I have accepted your methodds for a lot of years now but there's a mole hunt going on here.
JACK: Any leads on the mole?
DEVLIN: Well, so far... I'm talking to the guy. I gave Haladki authority to start an inquiry. He's got some good questions. Why you were willing to risk Tippin's life, in the first place, how come you came to know about the circumference? Jack, this doesn't look good. Come back to the office.
JACK: We're friends, you and I.
DEVLIN: What?
JACK: You'd consider us friends?
DEVLIN: Well, I used to. What the hell are you talking about?
JACK: I'll see you when the job's done.
(He hangs up. Devlin covers his mouth with his hand.)
(In the Taipei torture room, Suit and Glasses picks up a jar of yellow liquid and a very large syringe.)
SUIT AND GLASSES: A gentleman I know makes this... truth serum. I would have used it earlier except that one in five men who receive it has an unfortunate reaction.
(He injects the syringe with the serum. Will's head is hanging low and blood drips down from his mouth onto his sweatshirt.)
SUIT AND GLASSES: Results in... paralysis, among other things.
(He finishes loading up the syringe and grabs Will by the neck.)
WILL: Aahh...
(Suit and Glasses injects the serum into Will's neck.)
WILL: Owww... oohhhh...
(Will breaks down. He starts shaking a little. Suit leans in close. Will starts sobbing.)
SUIT AND GLASSES: Tell me about the circumference.
WILL: (sobbing) I don't know... I don't know...
(Litvack's office at Will's newspaper. Abby stands before her desk while Litvack reads the article.)
ABBY: It's been six days. Will warned me something might happen. He didn't even turn up to his own awards dinner. Called his friends, they haven't heard from him either. Are you going to publish his story?
LITVACK: Yeah. In the "A" section. I have to tell Deitrick that this is coming in. Call Orsay in graphics, get a photo of Will!
(In a garage, Sydney wipes the solution on the page and the ink slowly appears.)
SYDNEY: Then Dixon just turned and walked away. I think he's going to report me.
JACK: If we have to dela with that crisis, we'll deal with that crisis.
(All of the ink appears and it shows the designs and instructions for the Mueller device from the pilot. The U-shaped base with a red floating ball. Sydney gets a flashback.)
SYDNEY: Oh, my God...
(She remembers how when she unlatched the sides, the ball exploded and liquid came out.)
SYDNEY: This device... I took it from Taipei last year.
JACK: Two weeks ago an unsubstantiated report came in through CIA claiming Khasinau's been looking for something called the circumference. Instructions describing a method of applying technology Khasinau had acquired. This must be the circumference.
SYDNEY: So if Khasinau built one of these devices this page would tell him how to use it.
JACK: (nods slowly) Keep this safe...
SYDNEY: Wait, Dad, what are you doing? We have to be in Taipei in sixteen hours.
JACK: Keep your phone with you. I'll call you when the plane's ready. Don't go home.
(That night Haladki walks to his car. His car alarm chirps. He climbs in and is about to start the engine when he's grabbed from behind. His attacker drags him to the back seat. Haladki kicks and tries to scream. Jack presses a gun to his throat.)
JACK: How the hell did you know about the circumference?
HALADKI: You are out of your mind, you know that?
(Jack calmly slams his gun into Haladki, knocking him out.)
(Garage. Jack walks and picks up a spray bottle filled with a liquid. He calmly walks over to Haladki who is spread out on a table on his back. His hands are in two wood vices. Jack sprays it on his face to make him wake up.)
HALADKI: Aughhh... dammit, my eyes! Ahhh! Oh, God!
(He sees that his hands are in the vice.)
JACK: How long have you worked for Khasinau?
HALADKI: You sick SON OF A BITCH!
JACK: Devlin said you mentioned the circumference.
HALADKI: I want to see you BURN IN HELL, you HEAR me?
JACK: You don't have the clearance to know what that is.
HALADKI: You b*st*rd!
JACK: You must have learned about it from the outside.
HALADKI: You SON OF A BITCH!
(Jack twirls the vice and tightens it. Haladki's fingers crack and break.)
HALADKI: Ahhh!
JACK: Do you work for Khasinau?
HALADKI: No!
(He tightens it some more. Crunch.)
HALADKI: Ahhhhhhh!
JACK: Do you work for Khasinau?
HALADKI: You son of a bitch!
(Jack tightens it even more. Haladki's hand crunches under the pressure, breaking.)
HALADKI: YES! I work for Khasinau, yes!
(Jack presses his gun to Haladki's throat.)
JACK: How long?
HALADKI: Two years!
JACK: Why does Khasinau want the circumference?
HALADKI: It's the key to something he's had built!
JACK: Something he's built. Tell me about it.
HALADKI: It's a battery! All I know is it's just a battery!
JACK: For what?
HALADKI: I swear I don't know! Jack, Khasinau's the future!
JACK: Where is this thing? This battery?
HALADKI: It's in Taipei! The Fu Sing district, at a warehouse! Pang Pharmaceuticals! In an underground lab, in room forty-seven!
JACK: You gave Khasinau the information about the safehouse.
HALADKI: Jack, this is a gift I'm giving you! Khasinau can save you! You should be with him!
JACK: You told him that my daughter is a double agent with SD-6.
HALADKI: Jack, look at yourself--
JACK: You exposed Sydney!
HALADKI: Come with me! I can save you! I can save you!
(Jack looks in Haladki's pleading eyes. Jack stares. Shoots him.)
(Train station. Sydney sits curled up in a chair.)
ANNOUNCER: Attention, passengers. "Pacific Surfliner" to San Diego departing from platform five in fifteen minutes...
(Vaughn sits down on the other side of the seats. Their backs are to each other.)
VAUGHN: Hey.
(She looks and then looks away.)
SYDNEY: Hi. How did you find me?
VAUGHN: You told me a couple of months ago that when you feel the need to disappear, you go to the observatory. But the observatory was closed. And then I remembered you said the pier calms you down. But you weren't there. And you weren't at the bluffs and the palisades, either.
SYDNEY: You didn't really go to all those places.
VAUGHN: Yeah, I did. And then I remembered you liked the train station, too. Normal people going to their normal jobs.
SYDNEY: I can't believe you remember that.
VAUGHN: He's contacted you, hasn't he? Khasinau? And he wants the page. You're going to give it to him.
SYDNEY: (crying) You came here to stop me.
VAUGHN: My father used to keep a diary and when I was a kid I used to say, "Hey, Dad, only girls keep diaries," and he'd just laugh. He was a really good guy, my dad. Yeah. But he was too hard on himself. I mean, he was such a company guy that whenever he slipped up even in the slightest way he took it so personally. There were a few operations -- his last one among them -- that he questioned. Operations he refused to participate in. But only in his diary. He'd write out what he wanted to say to the CIA director. I mean, things he could never say in real life. He was a company man, and I loved him very much. But it killed him, never questioning orders. His blind devotion to the job. If you're doing what I think you're doing, I'm in if you need me.
SYDNEY: Thank you.
(On the plane, Jack, Sydney and Vaughn sit together and go over the mission. Jack has several surveillance photos of Taipei in front of him.)
SYDNEY: Who told you about this?
JACK: I found a source. Khasina's already built one of these devices and it's in this warehouse. In an underground lab, room forty-seven. The meeting with Sark is scheduled to take place in two hours from now. That means by the time I hand over the page in exchange for Tippin, you must have destroyed not ony the device they've built but the lab itself.
SYDNEY: Destroying the device should be easy. It's the size of a shoe. What about the lab?
(Jack gives her a bag.)
JACK: Here. It's a red mercury charge with a mechanical fuse.
(A red light flashes over their head and a buzzer goes off.)
SYDNEY: I'll see what they need.
(She leaves them alone.)
JACK: I understand the risks you've taken here and you have my respect for that.
(Vaughn nods.)
(Torture room. Suit and Glasses talks to Sark.)
SUIT AND GLASSES: If he knew anything about the circumference, we would have heard it.
SARK: I suspected as much. Prepare Mr. Tippin for the exchange.
(Will watches, looking completely dazed from the serum. His shoulders are hunched over and he stares at the ground, twitching slightly. The two guards and Suit and Glasses walk in. S&G snaps his fingers. The guards take off the handcuffs. As soon as they're off, Will leaps to his feet and knocks down the guards. He takes the needle from the tray beside him and lunges at Suit and Glasses. He stabs him in the neck with the needle.)
WILL: One in five, you little bitch! ONE IN FIVE!
(The guards scramble and get up. They come after him but Will elbows them in the face.)
WILL: One in FIVE!
(Will crazy laughs as the guards get up again and drag him out of the room. As Will passes Suit and Glasses, he kicks him hard, still laughing. Suit and Glasses gasps for air.)
WILL: (high pitched laughter) ONE IN FIVE!
(Sloane's mansion. In the dining room, an operatic aria plays. Dinner is on the table. Emily sits in front of her plate. Sloane puts his back to her and opens a small package of powder. He sprinkles the substance in her wine glass and puts it in front of her. He takes his seat across from her.)
EMILY: Arvin... I can't judge you for what you do. I was never there, I was never faced with the choices you had to make and I have never... What I'm trying to say is... I forgive you.
(He tries not to break down. He looks at her wine for a second. She picks it up and he tries to smile, but can't. He picks up his own glass. She takes a big drink. With tears in his eyes, he takes a drink from his own glass. He looks at her and smiles weakly.)
(Taipei club. Sydney is wearing a blue chin-length wig and a black bra with black netting over it. Dog collar. Vaughn's in a long leather jacket with his hair spikey. They walk in the club together and weave through the dancing people. A guy comes up and leers at Sydney. Vaughn stares for a second and shoves the guy away. She smiles. They take hands and walk off together. They walk through the club and go to the back. She breaks open the lock and they go inside. They drill out a panel and climb through to the underground level.)
(In an alley, Jack drives up and gets out of his car. A limo drives up. Jack stands by his vehicle, waiting. Sark gets out of his white limo.)
SARK: Jack Bristow doing his daughter's work. There was speculation that you might make an appearance tonight.
JACK: If you're not comfortable with me, we can waive our business for the night and say good-bye.
SARK: Are you comfortable? Do you feel comfortable trading priceless documents for a low-grade reporter?
JACK: You should read Tippin's stuff. It's not so bad.
SARK: Let's see the artifact.
JACK: Let's see Tippin.
(Sark turns and nods. The door opens and Will is being held up by another goon. He's covered in blood and his head wobbles a bit. Jack blinks at how bloody Will looks. Then he focuses again.)
SARK: Shall we?
(Jack opens the suitcase on the hood.)
SARK: You've exposed the page.
JACK: You would have done the same thing.
(In the underground level of the club.)
VAUGHN: When I activate the surge inducer, you'll have ten seconds to cross the hall before the system resets.
SYDNEY: I'll go radio silent until I'm in the lab!
VAUGHN: Good luck!
SYDNEY: You, too.
(They run off.)
(In the alley, Sark examins the page closely.)
SARK: The parchment fibers are consistent with the other Rambaldi documents. Yes. We have a deal.
(He nods again. The goon brings Will forward. Sark closes up the suitcase.)
SARK: Please pass along to your daughter how much I enjoyed her stage show in Paris. She has a marvelous singing voice.
(He walks away, smirking. The goon pushes Will forward. They get in their limo and drive away. Jack looks at Will. For a moment it looks like Will might fall to the ground like a sack of exhausted flour. Will stumbles closer to Jack... and hugs him.)
WILL: Thank you.
(Jack looks uncomfortable, not used to this.)
WILL: (sobbing) Thank you...
(Jack puts a hand on Will's back and pats him gently.)
(Vaughn makes the cameras in the control room go down. Sydney runs down the hallway and opens the door. She runs down another hallway. Two guards come her way. She kicks one in the stomach and he bangs in to the one behind him. She elbows the first one. He bends over in pain. Sydney rolls over on his back and kicks the other guard in the face. She kicks the one behind and roundhouse kicks the other one. The guards go down. Sydney grabs her bag and runs down the hallway to room forty-seven. She hits the red button and the door slides open. She walks inside and turns a corner, looking around. Then she looks up, up, up, up. She gets closer. The red ball is definitely not the size of a shoe. It looks ten stories high.)
SYDNEY: Vaughn... it's bigger than I thought.
VAUGHN: Syd, I can't hear you!
(The feed on Vaughn's end is crackling.)
SYDNEY: If I turn this thing off, I'm going to have to swim out of here.
VAUGHN: You're breaking up! Syd? Syd, I'm coming down!
(Vaughn starts running. In room forty-seven, Sydney looks at the prongs that she unlatched in the first episode. They're the size of large pillars now. Two guards run up to her and yell, their guns pointed. She runs from them and ducks behind some boxes. She runs around and finally attaches the explosive to the Mueller device and runs out. One of the guards run up, sees the explosive beeping and he yells. The explosive goes off and the guards fly in the air. Sydney runs from it all. The fire gets closer to the red ball and it bursts. The liquid starts rushing out. Sydney runs. Vaughn is also running, but towards the water and Sydney. They meet at the end of a hall. He watches as the liquid starts rushing toward them. Sydney is running fast and motions for him to go. She runs up to him and grabs him by the chest, getting him out of there. They turn another corner and run down the hallway to get out of there. Sydney's ahead of him. She scrambles for the door where she punched the red button to get inside. The door's sliding closed. She runs in, tries to hold on to the door to keep it open for Vaughn to escape, but the door closes. Vaughn looks at her through the window in the door. The water's creeping up behind him. The force of it all slams Vaughn against the door. Sydney grabs the fire extinguisher and starts banging it against the window to get him out but it doesn't work. She hits it again. And again. And again. Vaughn stares at her, engulfed in the liquid. He motions behind her and to get out of there, but she won't stop. She bangs the fire extinguisher against the window again. His eyes close. She keeps on, frantic now. Vaughn disappears. A guard from behind takes Sydney down. She elbows him in the face and gets up. Vaughn's gone. Someone hits Sydney across the face.)
(In another torture room, Sydney is handcuffed to the chair. Just like in the pilot, she has blood dripping down from the corner of her mouth. She wakes up and sees Khasinau standing before her with a tray of food. He sits down.)
SYDNEY: You're Alexander Khasinau.
KHASINAU: You should eat something.
(He takes a spoonful of food and offers it to her.)
SYDNEY: I'm not hungry.
(He nods and puts it back down. He gets up to walk out.)
SYDNEY: Wait. I have questions for you.
KHASINAU: You can ask my boss.
SYDNEY: Your boss? I thought The Man was the boss.
KHASINAU: Yes. Yes, but I am not The Man.
(Sydney watches as a woman walks in. Sydney's eyes get big as the woman stands in front of Sydney.)
THE MAN: I have waited almost thirty years for this.
SYDNEY: Mom? | Plan: A: a familiar looking Rambaldi device; Q: What must Sydney and Vaughn destroy to save Will's life? A: Jack; Q: Who makes a risky deal with Khasinau's representative? A: Mr. Sark; Q: Who is the representative of Khasinau? A: the CIA; Q: Who believes that one of their own is a mole for "The Man"? A: "The Man; Q: Who does Sydney find herself face-to-face with? A: a decision; Q: What does the Alliance come to regarding Emily Sloane? A: the fate; Q: What does the Alliance decide about Emily Sloane? A: Dixon; Q: Who has suspicions about Sydney? Summary: In order to save Will's life, Sydney and Vaughn must destroy a familiar looking Rambaldi device, while Jack makes a risky deal with Khasinau's representative, Mr. Sark. Meanwhile, the CIA believes that one of their own is a mole for "The Man"; the Alliance comes to a decision regarding the fate of Emily Sloane; Dixon's suspicions about Sydney intensify; and Sydney finds herself face-to-face with "The Man." |
Opening scene - Jimmy's house, there is a knock at the door and Marissa comes down the stairs to answer it
Oliver: (knocks) (Marissa opens the door) howdy
Marissa: (shocked) hey
Oliver: sorry to jus pop in...is it ok if I come in?
Marissa: (hesitates) yeah sure, of course (shuts the door) its jus temporary
Oliver: hmm
Marissa: the place its jus temporary, my dad lost his job so my parents
Oliver: I don't judge (Marissa smiles) (sighs) I do however...apologise, the other night Marissa was
Marissa: it's ok, really
Oliver: no, no its not...I hit rock bottom, a new low even for me but it...it was eye opening, a call to arms, I called my parents I came clean about everything an they were so supportive, I talked to my sponsor I'm gonna start going to meetings again...and I totally was honest with Natalie about all our issues (smiles) we're gettin back together
Marissa: (suprised) wow that's amazing
Oliver: and it never would've happened if Ryan hadn't come to my rescue, he called Mr. Cohen I mean busted tryin'a buy coke, I should still be in jail (Marissa looks at him) Ryan helped me get a second chance an I wanna say thanks
Marissa: oh so do you want his number or-
Oliver: I wanna take you an him to palm springs, my family has a place there right on PGA west (excited) it'll be great it'll be great, we can bring all your friends Seth,. Anna, Summer even Luke, you can meet my folks, meet Natalie
Marissa: (raises eyebrows) palm springs
Oliver: oh its soo much fun the weather there's perfect. do you golf?
Marissa: (laughs) no not really
Oliver: ill teach you, Ryan to
Marissa: (almost convinced) well I do...really wanna meet Natalie
Oliver: oh she's dyin'a meet both'a you guys, little get-away just the gang, on me, it's the least I can do
Marissa: (smiles) it sounds amazing y'know let me jus call Ryan an ask him (Oliver smiles)
(Marissa walks out of the room & Oliver walks around her living room, he picks up a photo of Marissa & Ryan, looks at it then puts it behind one of Marissa & Jimmy, hiding it)
Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen's backyard - Sandy and Seth are trying to teach Ryan golf.
Sandy: alright knees bent (Ryan bends his knees) not quite that much, back straight eyes right over the ball, feet a little closer together (Ryan moves his feet) just off your left foot there you go, not quite that close together but (Ryan moves them apart again) that's ok alright just let it hang like a pendulum, nice an easy (sways his hands back and forth like he's going to swing) nice an easy keep breathin, nice an easy (Ryan looks at him) nice...ill stop ill s- ill just go right over here
(Ryan looks down and hits the golf ball, he is meant to be putting it into a cup. but it bounces straight into the pool)
Seth: (jumps up from the pool, with the ball) I got it! (goes back under the water. Ryan sighs and looks like he's had enough)
Sandy: alright one more
Ryan: no, no more
Sandy: oh come on you were so good at the driving range
Ryan: I don't play golf (holds the club out)
Seth: (in the pool) not true buddy, you just don't play well
Sandy: and you know there's plenty more to do in Palm Springs other then play golf you can spa
Ryan: no I don't spa
Sandy: you don't play golf (shrugs) you don't spa what'd you do
Seth: yes Ryan (puts on a posh voice) what exactly do you do besides musicals (normal) an punching people
Sandy: well he's very good with the ladies
Seth: (posh again) ah the ladies he is very good with the ladies
Sandy: (now he's copying) very good with the ladies
Ryan: (not impressed) he's standing right here holding a golf club!
Sandy: yeah but you don't know how to use it (takes it from Ryan)
Ryan: right which is why I'm not goin ta palm springs
Seth: hey yes you are going to palm springs ok listen to me (Ryan rolls his eyes) ya did something nice for Oliver now he wants to repay you by taking us to his mansion in palm springs without you there is no deal why cant you understand that
Sandy: this kid Oliver has a mansion on a golf course
Seth: yeah he's also got a ski chalet in mammoth
Sandy: wow I guess sometimes it's good to be Oliver
Seth: sometimes it's great to be Oliver (to Ryan) but you or I don't care about those sort of things do we (Sandy putts the ball into the cup) or Marissa I don't think she cares either
Ryan: you think (Sandy smiles)
Seth: I don't know but even if she's a little bit impressed look over there (points) huh who's got himself a pool house
Sandy: with ocean views, here come on take another shot (Ryan takes the club) nice an easy (to Seth) so (crouches down near Seth) Oliver's parents are gonna be there?
Seth: yeah
Sandy: have you met em
Seth: no, but if there anywhere near as cool as Oliver is I'm-
(Ryan takes a hard swing then we hear the sound of glass smashing - Seth & Sandy are speechless)
Ryan: (cringes) I don't do nice an easy
CUT TO: Sandy and Kirsten in the kitchen
Kirsten: do we trust this Oliver kid
Sandy: no not at all but we trust our guys an his parents are spose to be there
Kirsten: hmm an Seth knows to call hourly
Sandy: yeah an...we're just gonna worry all weekend
Kirsten: there golfing
Sandy: yeah when we gonna get you on the golf course
Kirsten: not today...do you know who's coming home today
Sandy: oh god the ugly Americans are coming back, so when's your father and Julie gettin in
Kirsten: they arrive from Paris this afternoon
Sandy: after having confirmed all of Europe's worst suspicions about Americans I'm guessing
Kirsten: yeah well I'm guessing that this means that Hailey will be on the way out
Sandy: what's she gonna do, she's gonna hit your father up for a blank cheque an then take off
Kirsten: (sighs) was there ever any doubt, I mean last time she was gone for two years, this time it could be three (sighs) an oh who knows what kinda trouble she can get into
(Hailey comes in)
Hailey: morning
Kirsten: oh hey Hailey, can I get ya anything, I got those pumpkin muffins (Hailey looks at her) and there's coffee and there's orange juice without pulp
Hailey: dad comes back today huh
Kirsten: right, yes, he does
Hailey: so what time will we be seeing him?
Kirsten: dinner, seven
Sandy: (fake disappointment) oooooh I'm sorry ill have to miss that
Hailey: (looks at Sandy) (to Kirsten) Julie coopers not coming is she (Kirsten doesn't say anything) I can't believe dads with her. she's only with him for his money
Sandy: and that is such an unattractive quality (Hailey looks at him)
Kirsten: um (picks up the muffins) pumpkin muffin
Sandy: yes darling (Kirsten smiles at him, Hailey look at them both)
CUT TO: Jimmy's house - Marissa and Summer are in the living room, Marissa is packing
Summer: I think it'll be fun
Marissa: you do
Summer: I mean what could be more fun then joining you guys for couple fest 2004 you an Ryan, Oliver an Natalie, Anna an what's his face Cohen, me an Luke, god it should be all time (puts thumbs up)
Marissa: it won't be like that it'll give us all a chance to get outta town hang out (points at her) it will be fun!
Summer: what's more fun then watching some nerdy neurotic bat his eyelashes at his droopy pixy chick (makes cutesy face & bats her eyelashes for emphasis)
Marissa: so clearly you're ok with being just friends with Seth
Summer: ah-huh clearly
Marissa: I was being sarcastic
Summer: so was I, which we never were before Cohen showed up an taught us all irony (grits teeth) jackass
Marissa: hey Sum (sits next to her on the couch) look if it's to hard to be around him then-then why go why do this to yourself
Summer: because Coop, I told them that I was fine with it, I told them that I was cool jus being there friend, I have a reputation...and I can't sabotage the trip if I'm not there
Marissa: (looks at her) Summer
Summer: (excited) ok what'do you think about laxatives in his coffee huh
Marissa: um
Summer: no ok dead frog in his Xmen underoos (Marissa looks at her like she's crazy) that's good, no NO I've got it while he's sleeping I slip his hand in warm water (faster & louder) it totally makes you pee your bed an then Anna wakes up sees he's a bed wetter and that is awesome! that is just...awesome! (Marissa looks at her) mmhmm I've lost my mind haven't I
Marissa: yeah, little bit (raises eyebrows)
Summer: mm and over Seth Cohen
CUT TO: Sandy and Jimmy out and about
Sandy: Jimmy, hey I'm glad I ran into ya, where still on for dinner tonight right
Jimmy: uh dinner yeah
Sandy: you ok?
Jimmy: (sighs) no I'm not really I jus-I jus- I just got turned down for the manager's position of this place, apparently that kid is better suited to the rigors of the job then I am, maybe we should reschedule I'm not feelin very social
Sandy: we can't reschedule, the light house closes down tonight forever, it's the last chance to get the best chicken parmajan in the business
Jimmy: first the light house leaves Newport an then me how-how poetic
Sandy: what'd you mean your leavin
Jimmy: well there's nothing here for me, there's no opportunities there's no second chances, I got a brother in Phoenix, he called me uh this week an
Sandy: you can't leave
Jimmy: well I-I can't stay
Sandy: look I'm jus on my way ta work, I know we have positions available there
Jimmy: no Sandy you cant you-you- no you've done
Sandy: it would be nothing glamorous, jus be entry level kinda thing y'know paralegal work, file clerking that sorta thing
Jimmy: thanks, I mean whatever it is I jus, as long as I can - I can stay with Marissa I mean I-I can't afford to support both of us much longer
Sandy: we'll figure it out
Jimmy: thanks
Sandy: an you can't bail on me tonight cause ill be stuck with Hailey an Caleb I mean it's-it's the least you can do
Jimmy: (laughs) yeah
Sandy: alright
Jimmy: thankyou
CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is finishing packing, Marissa and Summer come in
Ryan: hey (goes to her)
Marissa: hi (goes to him) (they kiss)
Summer: alright (they stop kissing & look at her) and so it begins, guess I'm jus gonna have ta get use to this
Ryan: Seth's in his room
Summer: (thinks) it's upstairs to the left right (Marissa smiles & nods) I'm just gonna make sure he's packed, so he doesn't hold us up (leaves)
Marissa: y'know we need to be nice to Summer, cause she's afraid this weekends just gonna be a bunch'a couples doing like y'know coupley stuff
Ryan: an its not?
Marissa: (shakes her head) mm mm
Ryan: so we'll be hanging out with uh say Oliver
Marissa: Oliver an Natalie, they made up, why you don't have a problem with Oliver do you?
Ryan: nah I mean, the guy shows up outta nowhere an suddenly he's hanging around all the time
Marissa: yeah guy shows up outta the blue knows no one abandoned by his family sound familiar?
Ryan: (smiles) lil bit
Marissa: look you did something nice for him an now he wants to repay you
Ryan: by playing golf
Marissa: yeah well it'll be fun
Ryan: well you've never seen me play golf
Marissa: (smirks) then I guess it'll be especially fun for me
Ryan: ah-huh (smiles)
Marissa: mm hmm (they kiss)
CUT TO: Seth and Anna are lying on Seth's bed. Seth is playing with her hand
Seth: i love palm springs, a little golf, a little shvitz
Anna: (laughs then frowns) I don't know it all sounds kind of old
Seth: yes Anna it does sound old and somewhere inside me there's an old Jewish man who's veeeery excited
Anna: (takes her hand from his) ick (laughs)
Seth: (laughs) ok that came out a little disgusting
Anna: yeah kinda
Seth: but seriously there's the geriatric part'a me that actually loves like a good early bird special, a little bit'a shuffle board some mahjong
Anna: well when you put it that way
Seth: seriously think about it most old people are to actually old to enjoy being old (Anna frowns) not me though I'm ready to retire right now to a life of leisure, Palm springs is my mecca
Anna: weeeelll what I'm looking forward to is a weekend alone (sits up on her elbow) without our parents
Seth: (sits up on his elbow) oooh I see where your goin with this, we can have dinner as early as we want
Anna: oooo it'll be like a couples weekend, an we can have our own room
Seth: be still my pacemaker
Anna: (laughs) your a dirty old man
Seth: hey if the orthopedic shoe fits (kisses her)
(Summer comes in)
Summer: hello friends (they stop kissing) are you guys almost ready to go
Seth: yeah totally we're there
Anna: hey Summer
Summer: that's is just great you gu- (Summer swings her bag & it knocks down the jenga tower on his bed) oh sorry god Anna it looked like you were doing so well to
Anna: don't worry about it
Summer: thanks for being so forgiving (Anna & Seth look at her) we are gonna have so much fun this weekend, all of us hanging out (she puts her hands out for them to hold) as friends
(Anna sighs, Seth just sits there)
CUT TO: Out the front of the Cohen's - they are packing up the cars. Seth and Luke are at the back of Luke's truck, while Summer struggles with luggage at the door
Seth: did you rob a liquor store Luke (referring to the many cartons in the back of his truck)
Luke: Cohen you cant play golf without a buzz on
Seth: hey good tip Baggar Vance (puts his humidifier in with the beer)
Luke: a blender nice thinkin Cohen
Seth: yeah no its actually a humidifier I get nose bleeds
Summer: how romantic
Anna: I think its sweet, it'll make our room like a tropical paradise
Seth: yes it will (smiles)
Summer: oh you know it is so nice (lifts her bag to Luke) how you find all of Cohen's weaknesses so adorable
Seth: I'm not weak ok I'm jus delicate
Summer: (hands Luke more bags) uh
(Ryan & Marissa bring some things out, then go back in. Summer climbs up to where Luke is sitting)
Luke: well it looks like you an I are the only ones without anyone
Summer: (laughs) ok um I'm jus gonna lie down in the drive way an jus back your truck right up over me mmhmm
(Marissa & Ryan bring more luggage out, Oliver walks up)
Oliver: (sad tone) what's up guys
Marissa: hey, what's the matter
Oliver: its Natalie (swallows) its over (sniffs) I don't know I'm sorry maybe we shouldn't go
(Marissa looks worried, Ryan looks almost relieved)
Ryan: yeah, yeah maybe we shouldn't (Marissa looks at him)
Marissa: what happened
Oliver: I don't wanna talk about it
Marissa: no you need to...an you know what we need to get outta town I mean maybe we could talk about it on the ride down or (to Ryan) well is that ok, if I ride with Oliver (Ryan doesn't say anything) or maybe we could all go together
Ryan: no no you-you guys go ill see ya down there (half smiles)
Luke: hey Chino, why don't you ride with me (Ryan nods)
Summer: (to Seth & Anna) can I ride with you guys
Seth: (packing the car) ah yeah sure
Summer: shot gun (gets in the passenger seat)
Seth: ok (jumps in the back)
Anna: (disappointed) ah-huh
Marissa: (kisses Ryan on the cheek) mm thanks, for understanding
Ryan: ah-huh
(Ryan watches Oliver, then he looks over at Seth who looks back & shakes his head as if to say 'don't worry' Ryan shuts his eyes and doesn't look happy)
CUT TO: The Cohen's front door. Kirsten opens it, Julie and Caleb are standing there
Kirsten: (suprised) dad! Julie! uh your early
Caleb: bonjour Kiki (kisses her on the cheeks)
Julie: (holding a cheese wheel) cheese wheel, its brie (hands it to Kirsten)
Kirsten: oh thanks, how was France?
Caleb: uh aside from the French (walks in) where's Hailey
Kirsten: oh she's showering I-I think I-I wasn't expecting you guys so soon
Julie: well he couldn't wait to see his precious Hailey, couldn't even let me go home an take a shower
Caleb: how is she, how's she lookin, too thin?
Kirsten: oh she looks good, her spirits are high
Caleb: she's high?
Kirsten: no her spirits, her mood she's up
Caleb: so she's on uppers
Kirsten: no she seems balanced (to Julie) you changed your hair
Julie: (excited) right, do you like it, isn't it francais, Cal says he doesn't like it
(Hailey comes in)
Hailey: hey dad (smiles)
Caleb: Hailey (kisses her on the cheeks) its great to see you (hugs her)
Hailey: mm Julie, your hair
Julie: Hailey, your here
Caleb: so I haven't seen you since (Julie rolls her eyes) how long has it ben
Hailey: oh dad, you gonna start with me already
Caleb: fair enough, just tell me what you've ben up to (Hailey smiles) all your adventures
Julie: Cal I uh I thought we could swing by the house maybe an
Caleb: (walking off with Hailey) Kiki could you make us some lunch, I'm starved (heard in the back ground to Hailey) so tell me about Costa Rica
Kirsten: (to Julie) how bout lunch, we have brie (Julie nods)
CUT TO: Palm Springs - we see the welcome to palm springs sign, then an aerial view of houses - then we come to Ryan and Luke unloading Luke's truck, they each carry an end of a large eski/cooler inside
Ryan: brought enough beer?
Luke: ah you never know buddy, never know
(they walk in the door & put the eski/cooler down. Oliver & Marissa are sitting on the couch together)
Marissa: (smiles) hey, you made it
Ryan: yeah we tried following you, but it was hard to keep up
Oliver: sorry I guess I got all wrapped up in my saga, I got a little distracted (Ryan looks at him)
Luke: hey this-this place is awesome, where's the fridge I-I don't want these (points) to get skunked
Oliver: (gets up) yeah ill show you to the kitchen (to Luke) think you brought enough beer
Luke: (as he walks out) everybody keeps sayin that
(Marissa smiles at Ryan & Ryan goes over to her)
Ryan: how was it
Marissa: it was ok, we talked (Ryan sits) he talked mostly, I think he jus wanted someone to listen
Ryan: how's he
Marissa: he's a little fragile, but hey I think getting outta town 'll help
(Oliver comes back in)
Oliver: hope you guys weren't talkin about me when I was gone (sits next to Marissa) (to Ryan) sorry for takin your girlfriend away from you, but don't worry she's all yours
Ryan: I wasn't worried (half smiles)
Oliver: (smiles) right
(Marissa looks uncomfortable between them)
Marissa: ok (sighs)
(Summer, Seth & Anna arrive)
Summer: I was trying to give you some culture Cohen
Seth: yeah well the audio version of the Da Vinci code is not culture
Summer: yeah well its a true story
(Seth's phone rings. Marissa smiles at them)
Anna: hi
Seth: (taking the phone out) god! (Luke comes back in) (answers the phone) hey dad how you doin wow 6 calls in um 2 hours that's a new rec- yeah no we (Luke goes to give him a beer) we're still fine believe it or not ok ok (Ryan looks at Oliver) well what I can do then is call you from every hole (Oliver looks at Seth & smiles) cool ok great bye (hangs up)
Ryan: (to Oliver) where are your folks
Oliver: ...yeah there plane got delayed in Zurich I don't think there gonna make it this weekend (gets up) but welcome to their humble abode
Seth: thanks man
Oliver: now lets get everyone settled before we hit the links huh, I set up two tee times I figured Seth, Summer an Anna could be our threesome (Seth, Summer & Anna all look at each other) let me show everyone to their room
(Oliver, Marissa & Ryan walk into a room)
Oliver: an last but not least...oh I forgot this is the room with the two twins...uh do you wanna switch rooms or we could push em together
Marissa: oh no this is fine, its great I'm jus gonna go change (walks away)
Oliver: (to Ryan) ill help you with the beds, hopefully it wont be to uncomfortable
Ryan: (doesn't look impressed) alright thanks
Oliver: I really appreciate you bein so cool about Marissa an I bein friends
Ryan: (pushing the bed) oh yeah no problem
Oliver: (pushing bed towards Ryan) I mean with everything you two jus went through with Luke, the last thing you need is another guy not to trust
Ryan: (shocked) with Luke
Oliver: yeah, you thinkin that maybe he an Marissa were gettin back together
Ryan: (pushing the top end of the bed) that was a while ago
Oliver: I'm not judging, I mean if anyone should have trust issues
Ryan: what'does that mean (looks at Oliver)
Oliver: just your background, Marissa was fillin me in on some of the details on our ride down
Ryan: she was
Oliver: yeah but I mean just in terms of how amazing it is that your so (shrugs) healthy (Ryan looks at him) well adjusted...considering
Ryan: considering
(Oliver looks not so friendly, then he hears Marissa come out & smiles again)
Marissa: (to Ryan) so, how do I look
Oliver: perfect
Ryan: yeah great
CUT TO: Sandy in the parking lot at his work. he's taking things out of the boot of his car
Tom: Sandy Cohen workin on a Saturday
Sandy: Tom Wellington how are you, playin catch up huh
Tom: tryin'a buy some time away from the wife an kids
(they start walking)
Sandy: oh how touching, listen I got a question for ya, I know Celeste in records is goin on maternity leave an we haven't found anyone yet, you know Jimmy Cooper right
Tom: Jimmy Cooper
Sandy: yeah
Tom: you outta your mind, Sandy this is one'a the most reputable firms in the county, what's it gonna do for our profile to hire its most notorious criminal
Sandy: ah, there's no such thing as bad publicity
Tom: really
Sandy: c'mon before he went down there was no one better then Jimmy, no one smarter everyone in this town loved him
Tom: yeah until he ripped em off
Sandy: he made a mistake an he's paying it off, he doesn't deserve a second chance
Tom: (judgmental) not in our firm, not in this life time (Sandy looks at him) look the best thing you can do around Jimmy Cooper, stand up wind, don't get his stink all over ya
Sandy: no, he's a good guy Tom
Tom: yeah well then, why don't you go into business with him
CUT TO: the Cohen house - we see Hailey and Caleb sitting outside together, but we cant hear what they are saying.
Kirsten: she so looks like mom its scary (we now see Kirsten & Julie are looking out the kitchen window) he takes one look at Hailey an...he cant say no...an right now she's telling him of her plan to help the indigent population of some depressed country and all she's lookin for is some all expense paid bender ta Amsterdam or Thailand
Julie: (shakes her head) its amazing he cant see it, she's only being nice to him for his money
Kirsten: (sighs) every time she vanishes...its for a little while longer...the trips get wilder an wilder...an one of these days I don't think she's comin back (Julie looks at her)
Julie: you know your the only one he listens to Kirsten (Kirsten looks at her) if your really scared she's gonna disappear again...you need to stop him from letting her
CUT TO: The links - Marissa is taking a swing, Oliver, Ryan and Luke are watching
Marissa: (practice swings) how's this
Oliver: pretty good (walks over to her) you just uh gotta get your hips into it a little more y'know you gotta go (grabs her hips and sways with her) mm yeah mm mm mm boom boom (Ryan & Luke watch them)
Ryan: I think she's got the idea
Marissa: uh-hm
Oliver: rocket fire (walks away)
(Marissa hits the ball)
Oliver: for a beautiful girl that is one ugly swing
Ryan: (walks over to take his shot) gotta follow that huh (swings)
Marissa: (watches the ball) wow
Oliver: (to Ryan) don't suppose you were using creative visualisation (Ryan looks at him) my face as the golf ball...cant wait to see your short game buddy (hits Ryan playfully on the arm) (to Marissa) I think your balls in the trees
Marissa: (unsure) that's bad right?
CUT TO: Seth, Anna and Summer walking on the fair way
Summer: thanks for carrying my golf bag Cohen I really think I threw out my back
Anna: (laughs) if your back hurts Summer why don't we take a golf cart
Summer: what are you like against nature
Anna: this isn't nature. this is a golf course
Seth: (complains) I think I have a hernia
Summer: you guys this way we can spend more time together as friends
(Seth & Anna stop walking)
Anna: (to Seth) how come when she says friends, it sounds like a threat
Seth: its her inflection (Anna looks at him) (sighs) what we did say we'd try an be friends right I mean who's she gonna talk to Luke
Anna: oh
Seth: that guy only recently learnt how to walk up right
(Summer takes her swing)
Summer: oh...uh (yells) Cohen could you help me find my ball, Anna stay back there might be poison ivy
Seth: um Summer (shakes his head) I don't wanna get poison ivy
Summer: Cohen! I thought you were my friend
Seth: (gives in) ok (walks off)
Anna: wow looks like Summers not the only one who lost their balls
CUT TO: Ryan, Luke, Marissa and Oliver - Ryan putts and the ball veers slightly to the right. Oliver and Marissa watch from near the golf cart
Oliver: oooooooow too bad
Luke: (to Ryan) I could hurt that guy
Ryan: so could I (they both walk away)
Oliver: am I trying to hard with him, all I want is to be friends an I jus feel like he hates me
Marissa: no I mean, he likes you he just uh
(we see Ryan taking another putt and it only just misses this time. Oliver is heard softly in the background)
Oliver: right trust issues, cant win em all I guess
Luke: (to Ryan) hey nobody's lookin (Ryan rolls the ball into the hole with his foot) (yells) oooooh nice shot buddy
(Ryan picks the ball up out of the hole)
Oliver: ok I think we've torn up the course long enough, last guy back buys the first round. Oliver gets in the golf cart, Marissa walks around to get in the other side. Luke and Ryan look at each other then run, Luke puts the flag in the hole then runs to the golf cart with Ryan)
Marissa: (laughs) c'mon on lets go (they drive off)
(Ryan & Luke get in their golf cart and aren't far behind. we see it switch between Luke & Ryan, then Oliver & Marissa all driving and having a great time - we see Marissa & Oliver coming over a hill & Luke & Ryan are at the bottom of it heading up. Ryan, Luke & Marissa are smiling/laughing. Oliver has a serious/determined look on his face and keeps going, just before they are about to hit head on Ryan swerves to miss them)
Luke: look out look out for that tree
Ryan: right right hold it
Luke: stop stop stop
(Oliver & Marissa stop at the top of the hill & get out. we see that Luke and Ryan are inches away from the water)
Oliver: (claps) dude nice driving (Marissa looks worried) you made that thing dance
Ryan: (gets out) (angry) what the hell is your problem man!
Oliver: hey man wha- I thought- we thought we were jus joking
Ryan: (still angry) yeah good joke come down here tell me another one
Oliver: oh sorry man, see you back at the house ok
Marissa: (goes down to Ryan) are you ok, you know he was jus playing
Ryan: fine (Marissa goes back up)
Luke: (to Ryan) that guy was not playing
(Luke & Ryan look at each other, then towards Oliver. neither look happy)
CUT TO: Cohen's kitchen - Sandy walks in and Kirsten is already in there
Sandy: (putting on his jacket) hey
Kirsten: you look nice
Sandy: hey you-you look like your not gonna have dinner with your father
Kirsten: oh I'm gonna give them a little one on one time, its not a dinner that I wanna be at
Sandy: (sighs) oh I feel the same way about my meal, Jimmy is right, he is done here, his best shot is startin over somewhere else...so we'll have a-a nice meal an a couple'a drinks...an talk about his next move
Kirsten: alcohol, yes, inspired!
Sandy: how do you think I got you to marry me
(Caleb comes in)
Caleb: so you were drunk (laughs) that explains everything Kiki
Sandy: Caleb (shakes his head)
Kirsten: hey dad (Caleb kisses her on the cheek)
Sandy: it is always such a pleasure you two have the time of your lives huh (leaves)
Caleb: (looks at her) your not dressed
Kirsten: I'm not going, we both know why Hailey's here (sits at the table)
Caleb: she wants to catch up, with her family
Kirsten: dad, you honestly don't believe that!
Caleb: don't be jealous of your baby sister I love both my daughters equally
Kirsten: you don't but that's ok, what's not ok is the fact that she wants to take advantage of how much you love her
Caleb: you want me to cut her off
Kirsten: I know you do too (Caleb sighs)
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO: Palm springs - Seth and Anna are in their room together, Seth has just finished setting up his humidifier, and Anna is sitting in bed
Seth: oh dinner at 6, in bed by 8. Anna my old Jewish man is very happy right now
Anna: (laughs) its pretty humid Seth I think you could stop futzing
Seth: no no I cant futzing's what I do my darling besides I almost have it (rubs his hands together) an there we go she's purring like a kitten
Anna: mm (purrs) (laughs) so Cohen, you an me alone in a bed
Seth: (rubbing the pillow on his face) oooh polyfill (Anna ooos) its not as comfortable as down but its good for our little allergies our sniffles (touches her nose, she laughs) an this bed huh (rolls on the bed) its posturepedic for my back (Anna laughs) an your back (lays next to her) oh oh
Anna: yeah
Seth: my catheter fell out
(Summer comes in)
Summer: hey guys
Seth: (moves away from Anna) hey
Summer: uh Luke's hogging the remote an its either football or p0rn so I was wondering if I could watch TV with you guys
Anna: we're not watching TV Summer
Seth: yeah Summer we were about to go to bed actually
Summer: (frowns) but its eight o'clock what're you like seventy?
Seth: on the inside yes
Summer: well I thought this was a weekend where we could all hang out as friends
Anna: it is
Seth: totally, totally
Summer: oh, I get it, its like specific friend hours right whatever works for you, a friend on off switch a friend appointment book I mean do I have to schedule friend time in advance because-
Seth: no, no that is not it at all
Anna: its not it
Summer: great! (walks to the bed) you guys (jumps between Anna & Seth) that's great (grabs the remote) hmm oooh that Enrique is so hot I mean can you imagine being with a guy with abs like that (touches Seth's chest) huh yeah apparently not
(Seth & Anna look disappointed)
CUT TO: Ryan in the kitchen, he's washing the dishes and Oliver comes in
Oliver: you don't have to do that
Ryan: I don't mind (turns the tap on)
(Oliver turns it off, Ryan turns it back on)
Oliver: (laughs) well then at least let me help (Ryan looks at him) where's Marissa
Ryan: getting changed for the hot tub
Oliver: you goin in? (Ryan shrugs) right, ca-can we jus start over
Ryan: (looks at him) start over
Oliver: yeah I feel like we got off on the wrong foot...an I wanna make this right, get this thing...straight so we can be friends (Ryan looks at him) what can I do?
Ryan: next time you wanna be alone with my girlfriend, let me know so I can stay home (Ryan glares at him)
(Oliver glares back then chucks the dish into the sink, smashing it, he's angry and smashes his fists on the sink)
Oliver: this always happens (Ryan looks worried) Natalie, my friends at pacific, an now you (yells and hits his head) I'm so stupid!
Ryan: take it easy
Oliver: (still hitting his head) damnit (a little calmer) everybody who knows me for more then five minutes ends up hating my guts
Ryan: that's not true nobody-nobody hates your guts ok
(Marissa comes in)
Marissa: what's going on?
Ryan: we were- we were talking uh
Marissa: (to Oliver) are you ok
Oliver: yeah I'm-I'm gonna go get some fresh air, I'm gonna go get some stuff for breakfast
Marissa: (worried) ill go with you
Oliver: no its- you stay with Ryan ill be back soon jus-jus leave the kitchen man everything's ok
Marissa: (sighs) you actually managed to drive him out of his own house
Ryan: I don't know what happened we were talking an he-he he jus went off
Marissa: well what were you talking about that was so upsetting
Ryan: you
Marissa: me
Ryan: you an him
Marissa: ok you know what Oliver's got allota problems but I think your the one who's paranoid, what's your problem
Ryan: (upset) I don't know maybe that you spent the entire car ride telling him everything about me!
Marissa: I wasn't I was talking about my life...an your part of my life (Ryan closes his eyes) you know what I don't understand what's going on with you (raises her eyebrows at him)
CUT TO: Sandy and Jimmy at the light house, they are both tipsy
Sandy: no there's gotta be more I could do, there's gotta be somebody else I can call
Jimmy: Sandy you've done everything you possibly can alright
Sandy: no, no, no, no
Jimmy: an you know what your right its-it'd be-its for the best, like you said I can start over have a new life, I never really wanted to be a financial planner...or a thief
Sandy: ok, so figure out right now what is it you really wanna do
Jimmy: what I really wanna do is not be 40 years old, divorced with 2 kids an tryin'a figure out what I really wanna do
Sandy: what is it you use'ta wanna be
Jimmy: (nods) a pilot yeah I always liked stewardesses (laughs) you
Sandy: I always knew exactly what I wanted to be, I wanted'ta be left fielder for the New York yanks
Jimmy: (smiles) yes
Sandy: cause it was like the pursuit of that dream that carried me all the way through law school
Jimmy: most enjoyable job I ever had actually was ah working here (Sandy looks at him, suprised) yeah yeah I managed this place...the Summer I married Julie an look at it now, its closing (shakes his head)
Sandy: I mean John Wayne use to come here
Jimmy: I know
Sandy: Gary Cooper
Jimmy: yeah
Sandy: (looking around) this is the real deal y'know this-this-this is the last bit'a old Newport, look at it all it really needs... is just a little face lift
Jimmy: (sighs) the land value alone would be enough to secure a decent renovation loan...y-y ya update the menu a little bit y-ya bring back happy hour (Sandy is nodding & smiling) it'd be-it'd be uh
Sandy: (smiling) it would be fun!
Jimmy: it'd be a blast, the kids would come in it would be fantastic
Sandy: oh yeah I mean alot more fun then-then you know what ever high priced nuisance law suit I got waitin for me back at my desk
Jimmy: alot more fun then movin to Phoenix, without my kids (Sandy looks at Jimmy like he has an idea) what?
Sandy: Katie! (smiling) 2 more martinis please
CUT TO: Anna and Seth still in bed, Seth has his head on Anna's shoulder and they are watching TV
Anna: ooooo egg mc muffins, they sound so good right now
Seth: I know why cant they serve those all day
Anna: I know totally, like what technological innovation is preventing that
(Summer is lying across the end of the bed & she looks at them)
Seth: ok they can put a man on the moon correct
Anna: right
Seth: an they cant serve an egg mc muffin passed ten thirty am
Anna: it makes no sense
Seth: I cant figure it out, doesn't make no sense
Anna: it makes no sense
(Summer rolls her eyes and changes the channel)
Anna: cabbage patch kids
Seth: (frowns) they still sell those
Anna: oh weird
Seth: I don't really get the whole like legend of the cabbage patch it freaks me out
Anna: what babies harvested from the heads of cabbage
Seth: yeah exactly
Anna: what's so freaky about that
Seth: it's all about some child-slavery ring
Anna: (laughs) its weird
Seth: its disgusting it makes me wanna vomit
(Summer is frustrated & changes the channel again)
Seth: ooooh the smurfs dude
Anna: aww
Seth: oooh do you know how tall they were?
Anna: what?
Seth: three apples
Anna: really that's pretty big
Seth: three apples, yeah (Anna laughs) there should be a channel on television I think, of us watching television (Summer looks like she feels left out)
Anna: we're that good
Seth: yeah
Summer: (turns to face them) yeah you are, you are so that good, your whole witty banter thing is soooo cute you guys, you guys are like (thinks) brother an sister, yeah you guys could totally be related, I'm gonna go to bed (turns the TV off & leaves)
(Seth & Anna look awkward with each other now)
Anna: (turning away from Seth) I'm going to bed to
CUT TO: Marissa in her robe on the couch. she looks worried and has a mobile in her hand. Ryan comes in
Ryan: hey (Marissa looks over at him) he's not back yet?
Marissa: no an he still hasn't called (sighs) I'm really worried its ben two hours
Ryan: what's wrong with him, exactly
Marissa: he's ben battling depression for a while (sighs) and he's had some substance abuse problems
Ryan: sorry (sits down with her)
Marissa: I just hope he's ok
(phone rings)
Marissa: (relieved) its him (urgent tone) hey
(we now see that Oliver is sitting on the couch in the pent house. on the phone he sounds out of it but I cant really convey that here, sorry)
Oliver: Marissa, somethin happened
Marissa: (worried) what's wrong, what is it
Oliver: I messed up real bad
Marissa: (scared) where are you, what'd you do
Oliver: oh I jus drove back to Newport an took a whole buncha pills, whole bunch
Marissa: ok call an ambulance!
Oliver: no, no, no doctors
Marissa: please jus
Oliver: I am so scared right now...maybe uh, maybe I could throw em up
Marissa: (upset) well do that jus get em outta your system
Oliver: I'll try but uh do you think you could um...come back, I'm sorry but I am s-so scared
Marissa: ok we're leving right now, see ya soon (hangs up)
Ryan: (worried) he's not ok
Marissa: he jus took a bunch'a pills (sighs)
(Marissa leaves, Ryan looks worried)
CUT TO: Ryan and Marissa in the car, driving home
Marissa: (with the phone) he's stopped picking up
Ryan: its ok you just talked to him
Marissa: (trying again) that was twenty minutes ago (on the phone) (urgent) hi Marissa Cooper for Oliver Trask please
CUT TO: Oliver in the pent house, with a glass of alcohol, he's dancing very energetically, pleased with himself. in the background you can hear 'Its not unusual' playing on the stereo and the phone ringing, which he ignores. He puts his drink down and sits on the couch, there are 5 bottles of pills in front of him on the table, still moving to the music he opens one bottle and tips them out on the table, he throws the empty bottle over his shoulder
CUT TO: Ryan and Marissa still in the car
Ryan: (worried) I thought you said he was ok
Marissa: (still trying to reach Oliver) he said he was, he said he spent the last hour in the bathroom getting the pills out of his system but...if that's true...
Ryan: what?
Marissa: (upset) why isn't he picking up
CUT TO: Oliver, the phone is still ringing, he is emptying more bottles of pills out on the table, he throws the containers in all different directions, and he is smiling. phone is still ringing. he gathers the pills together then looks over at a clock ornament thing, it has a removable lid. he picks it up and takes the lid off. he slides the pills into the ornament, puts the lid back on and puts it back where he was on the side table. he picks up his drink and lies back on the couch. he takes a sip, the look on his face borders on psychotic! its very freaky
CUT TO: Cohen house - Kirsten is in bed reading and Hailey comes in, angry
Hailey: (yells) what the hell did you say ta dad, I know your behind this
Kirsten: (sitting up) Hailey we had a conversation, an we both agreed
Hailey: (still angry) how convenient that the one thing you two agree on is how'ta screw me over (Kirsten looks down, not saying anything)
(next thing we see is Hailey coming down the stairs with her luggage. Kirsten is coming down behind her)
Kirsten: oh Hailey, you don't have'ta do this
Hailey: (upset) I thought this was what you wanted, me on my own not taking dad's money not taking up room in your house
Kirsten: I never said that you couldn't stay
Hailey: (stops & turns around) no you said you wanted me to live my own life, be on my own, be independent an then you went behind my back an sabotaged my relationship with dad
Kirsten: what relationship with dad? you take his money an then you take off
Hailey: my relationship with dad is between me an dad...was between me an dad
Kirsten: (sincerely) I jus don't wanna see you get inta anymore trouble
Hailey: well now you wont have to
(they both look at each other, hurt. sound of a horn)
Hailey: there's my cab (gathers her things and walks to the door)
Kirsten: (worried) ooh Hailey where are you gonna go? ya don't have any money
Hailey: yeah well who's fault is that, ill find another way to get by
Kirsten: (sighs) you could stay here an work for dad
Hailey: why, so I can be as independent as you are, living off his money in the mc mansion he built you...I'm sorry...but you were right I need ta have my own life and the only way that I can do that is to get as far away from dad, an as far away from you...as I can (Kirsten looks at her. horn again) ill see ya (walks out)
(Kirsten just stares, helplessly)
CUT TO: The pent house - Ryan and Marissa are banging on Oliver's door desperately
Marissa: (upset) Oliver open up...please...its me (to
Ryan) we have to call security
Ryan: I'll go (he walks away)
Marissa: (bangs) Oliver
(not suprisingly, he opens this time)
Marissa: (relieved, she hugs him) oh my god your ok
Oliver: yeah, kinda
(Ryan comes back)
Ryan: you alright man?
Oliver: yeah a little embarrassed
Marissa: well when you didn't pick up the phone I thought that-
Oliver: yeah I was in the shower, sorry about that (Ryan doesn't look like he believes him) I got kinda messed up, but I'm good now, yeah, you guys should go, enjoy what's left of your weekend
Marissa: what're you talking about (walks in) we're not going anywhere
(Ryan & Oliver look at each other, Ryan nods then walks inside)
Marissa: so what did you take exactly
Oliver: uh I don't know...bunch'a sleeping pills, some pain killers
Marissa: well how many
Oliver: (sighs) I don't remember (walks over to Marissa) but I got em all outta my system, I promise
Marissa: (concerned) well did you drink any water cause your probably dehydrated
(Oliver sits on the couch)
Marissa: y'know what we should call room service, you want any ginger ale or gatorade
Ryan: maybe we should take him to the emergency room, I mean he swallowed all those pills
Oliver: if they were in my system I'da felt em by now
Ryan: yeah but I mean why take any chances I mean we can take ya now
Oliver: the thing is...if we go to the emergency room (Marissa sits next to him) they'll put me under suicide watch for seventy two hours, they'll call the cops an then they'll call my parents in Zurich, I mean the truth of it is I'm fine, really I jus wanna jus crawl into my bed and forget this day ever happened
CUT TO: The Cohen house - Kirsten is on the bed reading and a drunk Sandy tries to sneak in. he slowly shuts the door, unbeknownst to him Kirsten is watching, amused. Sandy turns away from the door and ends up next to the dresser, he's confused
Kirsten: (smiling) Sandy
Sandy: hey (excited) your awake (he walks to the bed and kicks his toe in the process) ooooh shoot ow I'm sorry I'm sorry ssss ow ow ow oh
Kirsten: ow ow ow ow ow (Sandy kisses her) (suprised) are you drunk
Sandy: (makes a little motion with his fingers) but don't worry I took a cab
Kirsten: yeah, so did Hailey...dad cut her off an she cut me off
Sandy: oh, I'm sorry
Kirsten: so how was your night (Sandy laughs) oh that good huh
Sandy: y'know I'm not sure but I-I... I think Jimmy Cooper an I might of gone into business together tonight
Kirsten: (suprised) really, an what kinda business is that?
Sandy: the restaurant business
Kirsten: oh you are drunk
Sandy: oh in an adorable way I think, yeah, oiu, no
Kirsten: and what about the firm, Partridge, Savage an Con
Sandy: oh they'll have my body, an so will you by the way (Kirsten smiles) but the restaurant 'll have my soul and...my income (sighs) an my savings
Kirsten: an how can you do that
Sandy: look I'm makin more money then I've ever made in my life and I'm havin way less fun...I use to help people for a living, you remember that (laughs) ill tell you your buddy Jimmy Cooper man oh he needs some help. oh man if he doesn't get a job he's gonna have ta leave town an I-I don't want him to leave town (Kirsten looks happy about that) y'know its ben a long time since I've had a friend in Newport, I don't wanna have ta find another friend in Newport...am I crazy (Kirsten doesn't say anything) oh I'm crazy (lays down)
Kirsten: you have'ta be crazy to be in the restaurant business, but I think its great that you wanna help Jimmy (Sandy mumbles with his eyes closed) and be friends after all this time, it means alot to me (more mumbling) (Kirsten puts her head on his, then we hear heavy breathing) Sandy
CUT TO: Luke and Summer pulling up in the truck, back in Newport. Seth and Anna are in the back seat
Luke: (turns around) (whispers) ooh there sleepin
Summer: (looks at them) ugh (presses the horn)
(Seth & Anna both wake up)
Seth: hey we're home
Anna: mm
Seth: thanks for the ride buddy
Luke: mmhmm (pats Seth's hand)
Seth: great weekend huh
Anna: (getting out) bye Summer
Summer: bye
Luke: night
Seth: see ya guys
Luke: have fun
Seth: drive safely
Luke: so your into Cohen huh (Summer looks sad) must be kinda weird to see him with somebody else, it was for me anyway with Marissa
Summer: whatevs, I'm over it, moving on, ready for my next victim
Luke: (starts the car) well jus for the record whoever he turns out to be, he's a lucky dude (Summer looks at him) your lookin pretty hot these days Summer (Summer smiles) real hot (smiles)
Summer: thanks (Luke stares at her) oooh my god eww (laughs then stops herself) oh god I'm sorry Luke your-your cute an everything (shakes her head) but there's jus no way
Luke: (reverses) no worries
CUT TO: The penthouse - Ryan picks up an empty pill bottle from the floor, then he looks over towards where the clock ornament is
Marissa: (coming in) what're you doing, what're you looking for
Ryan: nothing, is he gonna be alright
Marissa: uh yeah I think so, but I told him id stay with him tonight
Ryan: what
Marissa: well I cant leave him alone, what if he tries it again
Ryan: (skeptical) if he tried it the first time
Marissa: what
Ryan: (sighs) what if he didn't try an kill himself tonight (puts the pill bottle down on the same table that the clock is on)
Marissa: what're you talking about
Ryan: he wouldn't let us take him to the hospital
Marissa: well maybe that's because he didn't want his parents shipping him off to an institution
Ryan: yeah, maybe he belongs there, I mean what kinda person does this (Marissa looks hurt, and suprised by that comment)
no not I-I didn't mean
Marisa: you should...go
Ryan: you weren't tryin'a kill yourself ok
Marissa: (angry) yeah well maybe Oliver wasn't either, but he's my friend and I cant jus leave him alone tonight...so you know what jus go home an ill see you in the morning (Ryan looks hurt)
Oliver: (coming out) sorry to interrupt um I just wanted to say thanks Ryan, for everything man, sorry for ruining your weekend (Ryan looks at him) night
Marissa: (sighs) ill call you tomorrow (walks away)
(Ryan looks back, worried then goes to the door, he stops outside the door, worried - fade out) | Plan: A: a group getaway; Q: What is Ryan doing in Palm Springs? A: Ryan; Q: Who is sure he's wise to Oliver's game? A: Marissa; Q: Who is sure Oliver is a friend who needs help? Summary: He says he's a friend. But who can believe a word Oliver says? During a group getaway in Palm Springs, Ryan is sure he's wise to Oliver's game. Marissa is just as sure Oliver is a friend who needs help. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Boyd: Devil, whatever led you to believe that you could pull this off?
[ Gun cocks ]
Devil: Wait! Wait!
Arlo: Don't know why we're out here instead of tossing this traitor in a slurry pond.
Boyd: Devil was a friend before he became a traitor.
Ava: Arlo!
Did you take your meds today?
[ Gasps ]
Arlo... [ gun cocks ]
Boyd: What I'd like to do is create a diversion... say, blow up a car. What if when that car blows up, there's a man inside? And say that man had brilliant blue eyes?
Wynn: And a big, stupid baby head?
Boyd: Now, right out there in that truck, I got a box full of emulex with a cellphone detonator.
Wynn: I believe I know how to blow up a car.
Raylan: You tell me you got Boyd and Quarles all wrapped up in a pretty little bow. Fantastic. In the meantime, not day passes federal boots aren't on the ground in nobles holler until I get what I want.
Boyd: What in the hell you doing here? Coming out slowly.
Wynn: Now.
[ Cellphone beeps ]
[ Siren wailing ]
Drop your weapon, or I will shoot.
[ Gunshot ]
Raylan: Tom.
Johnny: Quarles did it.
Quarles shot him.
[ Police radio chatter ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
I've had troopers canvassing the whole town. And so far, no reports of the suspect. I've got our best trackers coming in... k-9 and air support. Daylight comes, we'll find Robert Quarles.
Raylan: How is he? He didn't make it. Chief deputy Art Mullen. He coded. They kept working his heart. Took him directly into surgery, but...
Raylan: -He conscious on the drive over? They didn't confirm it was Quarles who shot him, if that's what you're thinking. I'm guessing this Quarles hasn't been found, or I would have heard it on the radio.
Art: Our fugitive task force is on its way over here.
Rachel: Crowder's awake. Then what happened?
Boyd: Well, I don't know, because I was unconscious at the time.
Johnny: I already told you. It was Quarles that shot the trooper.
Raylan: Shut up, Johnny. He ain't talking to you.
Boyd: Look, Raylan. You want to talk to me, now, you gonna have to stand in line. It seems like I'm the most popular man in this room tonight.
Raylan: If it's all the same to all concerned, I thought I might just jump to the front of the line. I'm pretty much done.
Boyd: Raylan. Raylan, I hope you have enough respect for my capabilities to know that I would not blow up a car that I'm standing next to.
Raylan: Who, then?
Boyd: Wynn Duffy. Does that name mean anything to you?
Raylan: Put a bolo out. Large R.V., registered to wynn Duffy security.
Arlo: I'm looking for Boyd and Johnny. You let me in. Hey, Givens.
Raylan: It's all right. Let him in. What the hell you doing here?
Arlo: I heard that a cop in a hat got shot. Guess it wasn't you.
Raylan: No. I'm fine.
Arlo: I can see that.
Boyd: Uh, am I done here? I got a family member that's concerned about me. We're done.
Boyd: I want to talk to you.
Arlo: Wondered what the hell happened to you.
Boyd: Yeah? That's funny. I wanted to ask you the same question. You pulled a gun on Ava. You stick her in the cellar. What the hell were you thinking?
Arlo: Wasn't my idea. I had to do it to shut her up.
Boyd: To shut who up? Ava?
Arlo: No, no. Not Ava. I just... s-something had to be done, and I did it.
Boyd: You haven't been taking your medication, have you?
Arlo: I've been trying, but...
Boyd: Sit down.
Arlo: She hides them where I can't find them.
Johnny: Who? Helen?
Arlo: That's right. Thinks it's funny, watching an old man chase around his pills. I took care of business. That's all you need to know.
Boyd: I want you to take one of these pills... In front of me. Go on.
[ Car door closes ]
[ Police radio chatter ]
What are they doing? You want to un-cuff them?
Raylan: I just need five minutes alone with Duffy.
[ Handcuffs clicking ]
Let's go. Why don't we just start with you telling me what you know. Was it Quarles? Where is he? You blew up the car. You must have been close. Did you see who killed the trooper? You don't want to tell me, I'll just assume it was you. What do you know?
Wynn: What do I... What I know is I... we were on our way... Mike and I were on our way to midnight mass, and apparently, we were exceeding the speed limit, because these gentlemen pulled us over.
Raylan: Yeah, and they pulled this off of you.
Wynn: I have a permit for that in my other pants.
Raylan: You remember the pawn-shop owner you sent after me... Glen Fogle?
Wynn: God rest his soul.
Raylan: Had a little game he liked to play with his flunkies. Are you familiar?
Wynn: Uh... remind me.
Raylan: I ask you a question. You answer truthfully, or I pull the trigger. You understand?
Wynn: It seems simple enough.
Raylan: You have any questions?
Wynn: What are you doing?
Raylan: Is that your question?
Wynn: [ Chuckles ] You think you can make me talk?
Raylan: That's your choice.
Wynn: Or you're gonna shoot me?
Raylan: There's a five out of six chance I won't.
Wynn: Bullshit.
Raylan: Where's Quarles?
Wynn: Kiss my ass.
[ Gun clicks ]
Jesus! Christ! There are cops outside!
Raylan: That's right.
They're outsiders wynn: You're a cop!
Raylan: Deputy U.S. marshal.
Wynn: Raylan, you just can't come in here and shoot me because you... you. You feel like it!
Raylan: Why not? Isn't that the way you guys do it? Isn't that why tom bergen's dead while his wife and children are grieving? So, you know what? Now we're gonna play by your rules.
Wynn: Raylan...
Raylan: Where's Quarles?
Wynn: I don't know!
[ Gun clicks ]
Jesus! Stop it! What is wrong with you?!
Raylan: You want me to stop, tell me the truth.
Wynn: How can I tell you what I don't know?
Raylan: Start with telling me what you do know.
Wynn: Okay. Just give me a minute.
Raylan: No.
Wynn: Hey! Hey! Hey!
[ Exhales sharply ]
Okay! What do I know?! What do I know?! I know that, uh... [ panting ] I know that Limehouse set this all up! I know that Quarles likes young boys. Who do you think called in the Brady Hughes tip? Me! I know that he wants you dead, and he probably wants me dead, too. And, yes, I tried to blow him hi in his car! And then I drove away! That's what I know!
Raylan: That's it?
Wynn: That is all I know!
Raylan: You don't know where he is?
Wynn: I don't know where he is!
Raylan: Okay. I believe you.
Wynn: Jesus Christ!
♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ Trying to make it home ♪ ♪ Doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ Pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ You try to bogard ♪ ♪ Fall back, I go har ♪ ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ Trying to make it home ♪ ♪ Doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ Pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪
[ Insects chirping ]
[ Engine shuts off ]
Boyd: Well, you invited me here.
Should I be expecting an apology? I got an idea you were not entirely happy with my services.
[ Guns cocking ]
I am returning your deposit. Duly witnessed. There's even a little interest in there.
Boyd: You really think this concludes our business? I do. Now, we can both walk away with what we got, or we can have it out right now. Although you are traveling a little light. I don't see Devil back there, gun pointed at me, finger on the trigger.
Boyd: Well, I guess we best both sleep with one eye open. I always do.
[ Spits ]
Want me to make that call? Not yet. Not yet.
[ Crickets chirping ]
Raylan: You screwed up.
In what manner of speaking?
Raylan: In a very serious manner. I'm just trying to catch up here, marshal. You, uh, trying to say that your big bust didn't work out?
Raylan: [ Chuckles ] A horsefly sneezes in these hills, he knows about it beforehand, but I'm to believe the car bomb and the dead trooper down the road comes as news. Well, now that you say it, I think I did hear something about something like that.
Raylan: Like we're talking about the weather. What is tomorrow's weather forecast? I reckon it's gonna be a beautiful day. Mm.
Raylan: You are gonna spend it indoors.
[ Blows ]
Charged with accessory to murder. Oh, now, hold on just a minute.
Raylan: You promised me Boyd. You promised me Quarles, and what I got was a dead cop. I don't recall promising you donkey squat. I just pointed out an opportunity, more like.
Raylan: Oh, is that right? That's right. And what I'm hearing sounded like you screwed up.
Raylan: Excuse me? You screwed up. You know how I know that? 'Cause one of yours is dead.
Raylan: Think twice about your next move, gentlemen. Mr. Givens?
Raylan: Deputy marshal. I ain't my father, and I don't care to be confused with him. I don't think you seeing the big picture 'round here, marshal.
[ Guns cocking ]
Now, you boys know how to get rid of blood and bones. He shoots, you make sure nobody finds him... none of him.
Raylan: I want what you promised me. I don't know if I can get you Quarles. But I might could get you Boyd Crowder.
Raylan: I'm listening.
[ Goat bleating ]
Rachel: Clear.
[ Dogs barking ]
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
That helicopter again. Hey, I told y'all I heard something explode last night. You didn't believe me, though. Night before that, you were telling us you heard a bear. Oh, yeah, and just how do you know it wasn't a bear, pudknocker? Hey. I don't like that kind of talk. Gosh. Can't believe I slept through all that. Mom, you don't sleep. You hibernate. Oh, funny. Hey, you dropped something. Nice. I get bit by a copperhead, it's on you. Maybe I'll get eaten by that bear Mitch heard. How would that be? Mom?
[ Groaning ]
I'm guessing you got the keys, sport.
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Boyd: Shelby, my friend.
To what do we owe the honor? We need to talk. You and me.
Boyd: That sounds ominous. You only been on the job one day. You're already calling in an official capacity? Not exactly. You alone?
Boyd: Well, I can be.
Ava: What is it?
Boyd: I don't know. All right, shelby. You got me alone. Well, it's not good.
Boyd: Well, let's hear it. A warrant popped. I made a couple of calls. Best I could find out, he U.S. marshals believe you put a body in the ground some nights past.
Boyd: Where was I supposed to have done this? Out by black lick creek.
Boyd: Anything else? They're watching your house. That's why I didn't come in person. They didn't call in my office. They just called the state troopers.
Boyd: On account of our relationship. Huh. Well, uh, where do things stand, shelby?
[ Sighs ]
Well, they're gonna pick you up if they find the body.
Boyd: [ Sighs ] How much time I got? They're still digging, last I heard. Half-hour. Less. Listen, Boyd. You saved my life and then you pulled me off the ash heap, gave me a second chance. Now I believe we're square. Good luck.
[ Groans ]
"Trust... Jesus." Ohh. So... you folks on vacation? We were at a rock festival. Christian rock. I like that. Good place to bond over. What's your name, son? Pete. Pete. Your brother's name? He's Mitch. You don't say much, Mitch, do you? That's okay. I get it.
[ Groans ]
Look, you boys are lucky. You get to spend time with your mom. I didn't get to spend much time with mine. She died when I was pretty young. Speaking of which, where's dad? We're divorced. Ma'am, if you don't mind, I'm gonna borrow your phone. I need to make a call. Now, Pete, don't do anything stupid, 'cause remember, I have got a gun pressed to your mother's back. Put Theo on the phone. Put him on the phone!
[ Birds chirping ]
Bobby Quarles. You're sh1tting me. Bobby. What a surprise. Oh, hi, Theo. I guess it wasn't my time yet. Somebody upstairs likes me. Oh, that's a great movie. One of Newman's finest performances. You know, just thinking about it makes me want to watch it again. Lanny, do me a favor. Go get my copy of "somebody up there likes me." It should be in with the classics. Theo. Theo!
[ Sighs ]
Okay. I'm back. Theo, I want to come home. You want to come home? Yes. Name the price. Home. Oh, h-hold on. Hey, Lanny. Lanny, forget about it. I-it's not here. It's at home, in Detroit. What? I'm sorry, Bobby. I'm at the California house. Uh, okay. So, here's the deal. You owe me $250,000. I'm gonna need that paid back in full. Okay. And Sammy's gonna need something for pain and suffering. Pain and suffering?! You pointed a gun in his face, Bobby. Actions have consequences. Okay. How much? Double it. That's $500,000. That'll get you home. That's a lot of money, Theo. Well, you're lucky it's not more. You know why? No, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me why. You disgust me, Bobby... What you've become. I don't want you part of the outfit any more. I'll let you get things straight with your family. You come up with the money, you can come home. I will come up with the money.
Ava: What was shelby calling about?
Boyd: State troopers are digging up Devil.
Ava: What?
Boyd: Said I was the one who put him there.
Ava: Was there a... a witness?
Boyd: Wasn't any witness. This come from Limehouse.
Johnny: Well, now, how the hell would you know that?
Boyd: Last night on the bridge, he asked where Devil was just so I'd know.
Ava: Well, he couldn't have known.
Boyd: He could if somebody told him.
Johnny: Only people know anything about that are in this room.
Boyd: It wasn't me. And I know it wasn't Ava.
Johnny: [ Chuckles ] You can go to hell, Boyd. I'm the one that tipped you off to Devil in the first place.
Boyd: Arlo, what about you? You said anything to anybody about anything?
Arlo: No. Nothing, Boyd. Unless...
Boyd: Unless what?
Arlo: Not sure. Might have said something to Helen. Women don't know how to keep a secret.
Johnny: [ Coughs ] Holy sh1t.
Boyd: Oh, Arlo... Arlo: I'm sure I didn't.
Boyd: Except you're not sure.
Johnny: What the hell we gonna do?
Ava: Okay, wait. What were they looking for? What evidence can we get rid of?
Boyd: Honey, there's a Kentucky state police and a. U.S. marshal sitting in their car at the end of this driveway. Now, we light out of here, start trying to hide evidence, we're just as likely to lead them to it.
Ava: There's got to be something that we can do!
Boyd: Johnny, you watch Arlo. Come on.
Ava: Boyd, please. You can't just sit here. You got to run.
Boyd: There ain't nowhere for me to go. They would always know that I would come back to you.
Ava: It's not how it's supposed to happen, without no warning. We need more time. I want more time.
Boyd: Now, we didn't invent the rules, baby. We just got to play by them. Now... [ sighs ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
All right, Pete. Pull up over here. Right here. That's it. Nice and easy. Good boy. Nice and easy. Good boy. All right, mom. What do you say we get out and stretch our legs? I'm fine. Get out. Okay. Okay. I'm getting out. Just don't... point the gun at me, not them, okay? Okay. Go. No! No! No! No! Pete, I'm not gonna say it again. Go! Mom, no! Come on! Take me! No! Pete, stop the car! That's it, Pete. Mom! It's gonna be okay, Mitch. Stop the car, Pete! Mom! Did I tell you boys I have a son of my own? Yeah. He's about your age.
Johnny: Boyd, they're here.
Boyd: Arlo, you mind letting them in?
Art: Sorry we didn't call first. Boyd Crowder, you are under arrest for the murder of one Derrick Lennox, A.K.A. Devil. You have the right to remain silent.
Boyd: I'll assert that right and the one about the lawyer.
Art: Fair enough.
Boyd: You mind telling me how you turned this thing federal?
Art: State police invited us to be part of a task force, due to local law-enforcement corruption and the like.
Boyd: You process me through Lexington, you show the whole world there's no way deputy Givens and I could be in cahoots.
Art: You're not as dumb as you look. I like the use of the word "cahoots," though.
Arlo: Raylan, I want to just say I'm sorry.
Raylan: Sorry for what?
Arlo: How I treated you when you were a boy.
Raylan: Okay.
Arlo: Not an easy thing for me to say.
Raylan: No, I figured not.
Arlo: But she insisted. I know she was your favorite. Gave you ale-8's and moonpies, let you watch TV till your eyes rotted out. But you don't know how she can nag.
Raylan: You talking to Helen again?
Arlo: She does all the talking.
Art: Raylan, woman just flagged down a KSP trooper. Said that she and her two boys have been carjacked by a man that fits Quarles' description.
Raylan: Thanks, arlo.
Ava: [ Sniffs ] Johnny!
Johnny: Yeah?
Ava: We're gonna figure this out.
Johnny: Who is?
Ava: We are... you and me.
Johnny: Okay.
Ava: First off, someone's gonna pay.
Johnny: Damn straight.
Ava: You got any ideas?
Johnny: I say we start with Ellen may.
Ava: Ellen May?
Johnny: Yeah. You don't know? Dickie Bennett... he was in there to see her just yesterday.
Ava: Dickie Bennett?
Johnny: That's what the girls told me. He was in there, pressing her for information, and you know how those girls talk, Ava. That place is turning into a sieve.
Ava: Even if that's true, Ellen May don't know sh1t.
Johnny: She knows arlo.
Art: Did he tell you who he called? No.
Art: Was he talking to a man or a woman? Man's voice. It was kind of loud.
Art: Did they argue? No. Uh, Theo. I think he said Theo.
Art: Theo Tonin. He said he wanted to come home.
Raylan: He said he wanted to come home? Yes. He said, "name your price," and the man said, "$500,000."
Art: Ms. Jenson, deputy Brooks is gonna take you to see the folks at victim services, all right? Yes, but listen to me. Please, you have to know. This is the only family that I have.
Art: We are going to find your boys, Ms. Jensen. Home is Detroit, right?
Art: Yes, it is. And with her boy driving, he's probably blown through the roadblocks already. Boys, we need to pull up stakes here and shift everything north!
Art: Call air ops. Tell them we're widening the search.
Raylan: Art.
Art: What?
Raylan: He said he needed money.
Art: Yeah. $500,000.
Raylan: He ain't got that kind of money.
Art: Well, maybe he's gonna rob liquor stores on his way to Michigan. I need every file you've got on him.
Raylan: That means go back to the office.
Art: Yes, it does.
Raylan: Art!
Art: Not now, Raylan! Just do it!
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Raylan: [ Sighs ]
Givens. Marshal?
Raylan: Yeah. Who's this? Uh, this is Mitch. Mr. Quarles says to do exactly what I say or he'll kill me.
Raylan: Okay. N-now get in your car. Put your phone on speaker... Put your phone on speaker... ...and set it on the seat next to you. ...and set it on the seat next to you. If you talk to anyone or do anything stupid... If you talk to anyone or do anything stupid... ...I will kill you. ...he'll kill me. Go. Ahh.
Raylan: Mr. Quarles. Looking a little worse for wear, there. Well, I didn't have a chance to pretty myself up for you there, Raylan. You don't by chance have an ibuprofen on you, would you? No? Okay. I'll just have your gun and your phone, please.
Raylan: The way this works is you give up these boys, I give you my gun. How about you give me the gun and I don't kill the boys?
Raylan: Boys for my gun. That's cute. Now drop your gun and your phone and take five steps back. Now. Attaboy. Mitch, go pick it up. Go ahead, son. Now get in the van. Move!
Raylan: Just so we're clear, I'm gonna want that back. Is that so? Oh, wait a second. This one?
Raylan: That one, you can keep. Why, thank you very much.
[ Chuckles ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Boy, you work like you eat. Yeah, you don't leave nothing undone. Just how I do things. And I appreciate that. I need to have a word with errol. How about if I take this home? How'd that be? You are one of the few folk 'round here that's got a thing for pig tongue. Yes, sir. Yeah, I dress it up in mustard seed, soak it in cider to sweeten the taste. Then I put a little vinegar just to soften the texture, and it just sits right there... just sits. Till you come 'round. You used to send plates home to me when I was a boy. That's right.
[ Laughs ]
Your daddy would set it aside when we butchered together. Yep. End of the day, "lime!" Your daddy called me "lime." "You want to fix some of this here up so I can take it home to little errol?" I'd fix it up, too. Yeah. I don't know what I'm gonna do once you are gone. I guess I'll take it off the menu. Sir? But Boyd Crowder, he's in jail, and Mr. Quarles is on the run. Every lawman in Kentucky's hunting him. Yes, sir. My work is done. And now we are done. You and me. Mr. Limehouse... I want you to pack your things, and you get out of nobles holler before dark. But wh... ah.
[ Sighs ]
[ Cellphone rings ]
[ Sighs ]
Yeah.
Johnny: What in the hell were you thinking? You gonna have to be more specific. I got a lot on my plate right now.
Johnny: Calling in about Devil. Boyd goddamn nearly figured out where that came from. But he didn't, did he?
Johnny: Because I got lucky. I laid it off on arlo and one of Ava's girls. Well, maybe it was luck. Maybe it was Providence. Now, you been wanting Boyd Crowder out the way ever since he got you gutshot. Now it's done.
Johnny: [ Chuckles ] Yeah, maybe. But you and me, we are not done. Yeah. Aah! Yeah! Yeah, oh! [ Laughing ] Oh, my God! That feels good, huh? Oh, yeah! You like that. Yeah! Ow! What the hell?
Ava: I'm gonna need you to get out now! What did I do?
Ava: Would you get out of here?! I already paid her! I got your money, okay?
Ava: Ellen May. What you doing, talking to Dickie Bennett? What do you mean? Hey, I got you!
Ava: Sweetheart. I know he was here. Now, what I want is the truth. Only for a few minutes.
Ava: What did he want?! To talk about Limehouse.
Ava: Have you seen my scar? Of course.
Ava: That man stood in my kitchen! He shot me in my chest! I know. I told him he shouldn't be here, but he just wouldn't listen. Ow!
[ Groaning ]
Ava: What did you tell him?
Just to talk about Limehouse and find out where he put his money... under the church.
Ava: What did you say about Devil?! Devil? I didn't... I didn't say anything about Devil.
Ava: You told Dickie something he took back to Limehouse. No!
Ava: Arlo told you something! No!
Ava: You've been working with Limehouse himself! I don't know! No! I've been loyal!
Ava: To who? Look, if I wanted to do wrong by you, there are things I could say. Ohh!
Ava: You don't threaten me. And you don't talk to anybody about anything! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Easy, easy, easy. That's it. Stop right there. Now, take your cuffs and cuff Pete to the steering wheel. Good. Mitch, come on. Hands up, Raylan. Let's go. Out. Come. Mr. Limehouse! Get in there. Move. Marshal. And company. Things didn't go as planned, or at least not as discussed.
Raylan: Stopped by for a favor. A favor? You done lost your damn mind.
Raylan: Mr. Quarles decided he wants to go home now. I want to go home. Well, is there something I can do to help speed you on your way?
Raylan: He needs a little traveling money. How much?
Raylan: Uh... About half a million.
Raylan: Then we'll get out of your hair. A half million ain't getting-out-your-hair money. That's fighting money. What kind of collateral you got? You're looking at it. Oh, so I pay or you kill the marshal? Yeah. Well, no. First, I'll kill the kid, and then I will kill the marshal. Well, no offense, but not my people, not my problem. Well, then I'm gonna kill you. You do, there'll be a dozen armed men out there before you can turn around, as the marshal can attest.
Raylan: I can. Yes, but then you would be dead. Okay, then. So, we all know where we stand, don't we? Mm-hmm.
Raylan: Okay. Look. Ellstin, you been saying you just want to be left alone. Well, I figure this gets it done.
[ Gun cocks ]
Come on, Ellstin. You can do it.
[ Sighs ]
[ Spits ]
Unh-unh-unh-unh, steady. I've got the gun. Whoa.
[ Laughing ]
Oh, sh1t, it's a piggy bank! Son, grab that bucket and fill it up.
[ Laughing ]
Marshal, you are one strange piece of chicken. One day, you about to tear my whole world apart over a dead trooper. Next day, you giving all this money to the man that killed him. Wait. Wait a second. You think that I killed the trooper?
Raylan: Who did?
[ Grunts ]
Raylan: Who killed him?
[ Wheezes ]
Your old man.
[ Laughing, wheezing ]
[ Panting ]
Raylan: Arlo. Hey.
Let's go. Hey. Wake up. Wake up.
Arlo: What's the matter?
Raylan: Let's go.
Arlo: Is that you, son?
Raylan: You got clothes on under there?
Arlo: I don't know.
Raylan: Come on. Get up. Let's get you dressed.
Arlo: W-what's going on?
[ Elevator bell dings ]
Art: Raylan.
Raylan: They're gonna take you in the conference room, arlo.
Arlo: Not like I got a choice.
Raylan: I'll be there momentarily.
Art: Thought you might be interested.
One of the weapons that you pulled off of Quarles turned out to be a match for the gun that killed Gary Hawkins.
Raylan: Hmm. That's nice.
Art: You don't sound very surprised.
Raylan: Kind of had a hunch.
Art: Are you okay?
Raylan: Could use a little sleep.
Art: Well, we'll handle the interview. Public defender's already here. Why don't you go home?
Raylan: [ Sighs ] Think it's true what they say.
Boyd: Well, what do they say?
Raylan: One bad apple spoils the barrel.
Boyd: Well, Raylan, even in a little town like Harlan, I think the apple barrel is obsolete.
Raylan: But the expression ain't, 'cause of the truth contained therein.
Boyd: You trying to tell me we ain't talking about apples? What's arlo doing here?
Raylan: Likely killed tom bergen.
Boyd: Who told you that?
Raylan: Don't matter. He doesn't deny it. Since he's part of your crew, shouldn't be too tough to tie you into it. Add that to whatever you're gonna get for Devil, and I don't suppose I'll be seeing you again in 20 years. That's the apple, the barrel, and the tree.
Boyd: I've connected to arlo in ways I was never given a chance to do with my own daddy. He's not my crew, Raylan. He's my family.
Raylan: So long, Boyd.
Art: We're just talking. Well, we shouldn't be talking. Based on the reports, he's clearly non compos mentis.
Arlo: Are you saying I'm crazy? That's not what I'm saying.
Arlo: I'm not crazy. I know what I done.
Art: What did you do? Don't answer that question, Mr. Givens.
Arlo: First off, I killed that state trooper, like you said. Tom bergen.
Arlo: That's right.
Mr. Givens, don't... arlo: Why? I did it to protect Boyd... same reason I killed Devil.
Art: Same reason you did what?
Arlo: I killed Devil. We are done here, Art.
Now... arlo: He was ready to take Boyd out, and I took him out first.
Art: So, you killed Devil?
Arlo: That's right. I can show you where they found the body. I can even take you to the gun, if you want.
Art: Why did you do it?
Arlo: I did it to protect Boyd. First, I killed Devil. Then I killed the trooper.
Raylan: I guess art thought what Arlo had done upset me in some way. Could really only be expected. Ario's a criminal. Never been anything else. Art offered me a drink. I didn't need it, but took it anyway. Then Boyd got his release. I asked if he was proud, letting a feeble old man take the fall for him. Didn't seem to bother him none one way or the other. He just walked out of there, happy as a preacher on Sunday.
Winona: So, then you came here, asking for another drink you don't need.
Raylan: Are you sure all your sister has is water?
Winona: I offered you milk and apple juice.
Raylan: Not even light beer?
Winona: Raylan... Why are you here?
Raylan: I told you when I came in. Just wondering how this was all gonna work out. So, you gonna stay here with your sister until the baby's born?
Winona: Mm-hmm. Is that it?
Raylan: I thought I might pat the belly, see the latest sonogram.
Winona: Tell me a story about a man getting his arm chopped off.
Raylan: You know what they're saying at the office?
Winona: Hmm?
Raylan: I "disarmed" him.
Winona: That's pretty good.
Raylan: Yeah.
Winona: Well, uh...
Raylan: I should go. It's getting late, and I should let you get back to sleep. Good night. Apologize to your sister for me.
Winona: I will. Hey, Raylan.
Raylan: Hmm?
Winona: Only thing I don't understand, why... why did Art think you'd be upset?
Raylan: I think it was why Arlo shot bergen.
Winona: Which was...?
Raylan: He didn't know he was a state trooper. Just saw a man in a hat, pointing a gun at Boyd.
Winona: Man in a hat?
Raylan: Yeah. | Plan: A: Raylan hunts; Q: What does Raylan do to find Quarles? A: Quarles; Q: Who is the man who took a woman and her two sons hostage? A: Shelby warns Boyd; Q: Who warns Boyd that the Marshals were tipped that Boyd killed Devil? A: the body; Q: What are the Marshals searching for? A: Arlo; Q: Who confesses to shooting Trooper Tom? A: the information; Q: What did Ava and Johnny suspect Arlo let slip? A: Theo Tonin; Q: Who demands Quarles return home? A: the hostages; Q: Who did Quarles use to force Raylan to take him to Limehouse? A: peace; Q: What does Raylan convince Limehouse would happen if Quarles was given the money? A: a dead pig; Q: What does Limehouse cut open to give Quarles the money? A: Errol; Q: Who shoots Quarles? A: Quarles' arm; Q: What does Limehouse chop off of Quarles? A: A dying Quarles; Q: Who reveals that Arlo shot Trooper Tom? A: Winona; Q: Who does Raylan tell about his day? A: a gun; Q: What was the man in the hat pointing at Boyd? Summary: Raylan hunts for Quarles, and Shelby warns Boyd that the Marshals were tipped that Boyd killed Devil and are searching for the body; Ava and Johnny suspect Arlo let the information slip. Quarles takes a woman and her two sons hostage, and Theo Tonin demands $500,000 for Quarles to "return home". Quarles uses the hostages to force Raylan to take him to Limehouse for the money. Raylan convinces Limehouse that giving Quarles the money would bring about peace, and Limehouse cuts open a dead pig, dumping out the money. Errol arrives and shoots Quarles, who shoots Errol, and Limehouse chops off Quarles' arm. A dying Quarles reveals that Arlo shot Trooper Tom. Raylan and the Marshals arrest Arlo, who confesses to shooting Tom and also falsely confesses to killing Devil to protect Boyd, who is released. Raylan tells Winona about his day, wondering if Arlo shot a man in a hat pointing a gun at Boyd, not caring if it could have been his son Raylan. |
Scenes From "Mother Load, Part I" Niles and Daphne at the Montana:
Niles: You could live here.
Daphne: Are you asking me?
Niles: Would you like to?
Daphne: Would you like me to?
Niles: Yeah.
Daphne: Then I will.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Frasier and Martin at home:
Frasier: I gave the greatest speech of my condo board career, which led to a vote, which led to a ruling that Cam Winston must now park that SUV monstrosity of his in the subbasement!
Martin: Think that's smart, taking on the guy who lives right above us?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Daphne coming out of her room:
Daphne: Well, the move's off.
Niles: What?
Daphne: Just temporarily. My parents are coming for a visit.
Niles: Just to clarify: you're going to stay here, but your parents are going to stay with me?
Daphne: [hugs him] Oh, I'm so glad you understand.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Niles and Daphne in his kitchen:
Niles: If she thinks you're a virgin, how are you going to explain our plan to live together?
Daphne: I wonder how important it is that she ever finds out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The last scene:
Simon: Dad scarpered.
Daphne: He left?
Simon: Yeah.
Mrs. Moon: It's true. Thank goodness I have my children to lean upon.
Simon: Oh, don't cry, Mum. I really thought this junket to America would cheer you up.
Niles: It still can! [ ] Get out there and see the country.
Frasier: Yes, immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States, this... America.
As if on cue, a huge American flag falls from the above balcony, completely covering Frasier's windows with the stars and stripes.
Niles: How did you do that?
Frasier: Cam Winston!
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT ONE
Scene One - The Montana Daphne is seated on the couch. Niles brings a tray of food.
Daphne: It was a good idea taking Mum out today, helped take her mind off Dad.
Niles: Yeah, although I'm not sure the zoo was the best idea. The sight of those amorous wolverines seemed to set her back a bit.
Daphne: Amorous? I thought they were trying to kill each other.
Niles: Well, either way, it seemed to remind her of something.
Mrs. Moon comes out.
Niles: Hello, Mrs. Moon. Would you care for a bite to eat?
Mrs. Moon: Oh, that would be lovely - if I thought I could keep anything down. [sinks into a chair] How could your father do this to me? You sleep down the hall from someone for forty years, you think you know them!
Daphne: I know you're upset, Mum, but it's not like you and Dad had a perfect marriage.
Mrs. Moon: That's because there's no such thing! You young modern people think marriage is some sort of promenade through paradise, when it's more like a march through Hell with a man strapped to your back and a litter of nasty babies swinging from your teats!
Daphne: Obviously, this is a very upsetting time for all of us. But, remember, tomorrow is another day!
Mrs. Moon: You're right, dear. And the sooner you get home to bed, the sooner it'll be here.
Daphne: But it's only 9:30!
Mrs. Moon: And with every tick of the clock, your womanly resistance weakens, and before you know it he'll be on top of you like one of those bloody badgers at the zoo.
Niles: Actually, those were wolverines, and there's a chance they may have been fighting.
Daphne: It has been a long day. Maybe it's best if I leave.
Niles: All right.
Daphne: I'll see you tomorrow, Mum. [kisses her Mum and goes to the door] Goodnight, Niles.
Niles: Goodnight.
They start to kiss, but Mrs. Moon turns to look at them, so they just shake hands. Daphne leaves.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Apartment Frasier is standing by the fireplace, staring at the flag covering his windows.
Martin comes out in his robe.
Martin: Oh, hey. You still up?
Frasier: I can't sleep. Every time I look outside, I feel like I'm living inside a giant clown's pocket. I tell you, Cam Winston has not heard the last of this. I am calling an emergency meeting of the condo board tomorrow morning!
Martin: You can't fight this, Frasier. It'll just look like you're attacking the flag.
Frasier: I'm not attacking the flag, Cam is using the flag to attack me!
Martin: You're right, but you're still going to lose.
Frasier: Yes, but-but the building has bylaws about this sort of thing. If this was anything but the American flag, people would demand that it be taken down!
Martin: Face it, Fras, Cam's got you on this one. Boy, I have to say, that guy is smart.
Frasier: Oh, really? Well, if he's so smart and you're so smart, why don't you two live together?
Martin: At least he's got a view.
The door opens, and Simon stumbles in with a bottle in one hand and the other arm wrapped around a blowzy brunette. They are both drunk.
Simon: Hello!
Frasier: What on earth do you think you're doing?!
Simon: Oh, sorry, I-I didn't know you was here. Uh, Frasier, this is Loretta. [she waves] Loretta... well, you know who you are.
[they laugh]
Loretta: [sees the flag and gasps] I love your curtains!
Frasier: I'm sorry, miss, but we are not entertaining guests this evening. You'll have to leave.
Loretta: [to Simon] Wait, you told me this was your place! You're probably not even the Duke of England! [exits]
Simon: Oh, yeah? Then why do I talk this way?
Frasier shuts the door.
Simon: Well, you're just a big contraceptive, aren't you? [takes a swig]
Frasier: I've just about had it with you, Simon. [goes to the hall and picks up Simon's duffel bag] You have blown my speakers, clogged my Jacuzzi, and you have ingested half of my bath products! [throws the duffel out the door] You are no longer welcome in my home.
Simon: What exactly are you implying?
Frasier: GET OUT!
He throws Simon out.
Martin: Fras, you can't throw him out, where's he gonna go?
Frasier: Oh, he'll land on his feet. Probably end up shacking up with some two-bit floozy!
SMASH CUT TO:
Scene Three - Roz's Apartment Close-up of Simon tapping on someone's window.
It's Roz's apartment. She's been reading on her couch, when the noise makes her jump.
Roz: Simon! [gets up and opens the door] What are you doing here?
Simon: [stepping in] Hello, love. It appears that the front door to the building is locked.
Roz: Yeah, that's how we keep drunks from wandering in. [pushes him out]
Simon: Well, I seem to be without appropriate accommodation at the moment, I just thought I'd take you up on your kind and generous offer-
Roz: I never said you could stay here!
Simon: But Frasier's thrown me out!
Roz: Sleep in Martin's Winnebago.
Simon: Well, wouldn't I love to do that. But when I got down there, there was this gigantic Humvee blocking the door.
Roz: Simon, this isn't my problem. You have got to go.
Simon puts down his duffel and adopts a new tone, one we've never heard before - gentle and earnest.
Simon: Look, Roz, I'll level with you. I know that we've had a checkered history, and I'm probably not the sort of person that you want in your house. But I'm asking for your help. As a friend, as Daphne's brother, please just let me stay one night. You won't even notice me. Just the tiniest spot on the floor would be a gift. Look, I'll be gone in the morning, I'll never darken your doorstep again. Please, Roz, I've got nowhere else to go.
Roz: ...All right. I'll make up the couch for you.
Simon: Oh, thank you, Roz. You have got a good heart.
Roz: Yeah.
He goes back onto the balcony and yells down:
Simon: [boorish again] Climb on up, Susie! We're golden! [laughs] She can swing on a pole for two hours, but she can't climb up a drainpipe to save her life!
Roz picks up his duffel and heaves it over the balcony.
Simon: Oi, what-? [yells down] Heads up, Susie! Then she shuts the window, locking him outside.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Four - The Montana Mrs. Moon is smoking and playing poker with Niles.
Niles: Two, please. [she deals him two] Thank you... ha-ha!
Mrs. Moon: Well, show us what you got.
Niles: I've got a king, a jack, a 10, and two 6's.
Mrs. Moon: Two sixes, then.
Niles: And-and a king.
Mrs. Moon: I'm sorry, love. I've got aces over deuces.
Niles: Well, that's, uh, that's the last of my mad money. I guess I'll have to win it back some other night.
Mrs. Moon: You'd better make it soon, I won't be around much longer.
Niles: Not if you keep biting those filters off, you won't.
Mrs. Moon: No, I mean I'll be going back to England soon. Well, it's nice enough here, but you and Daphne aren't the most exciting people, are you? [Niles shakes his head] No, as soon as I've sorted myself out, Simon and I are back on the plane.
Niles: Really, you are? Uh, can I do anything to help sort?
Mrs. Moon: Thank you, no. Oh, the shock's worn off, really. I've come to realize I've spent most of my life taking care of a layabout husband. Well, now it's my turn to be taken care of. Thank God I've got Simon.
Niles, despite his wish to see her gone, is alarmed at this.
Niles: Simon's going to be taking care of you?
Mrs. Moon: Oh, well of course he will! I know he plays the fool sometimes, but he'd never let me down.
Niles: Well, you've made a lot of progress in a short amount of time, so I can't tell you how happy I am.
Mrs. Moon: Oh... you good for a few more hands?
Niles: Why not? Oh! I'm out of money.
Mrs. Moon: Oh, not to worry. We can play for rubs. [props up her feet]
Niles: Oh! I'll get my coin collection.
He leaves the room.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Five - Frasier's Apartment Frasier is sitting on the couch, staring at the flag and blowing a soft note on the lips of Simon's bottle.
Daphne comes out in her pajamas.
Daphne: Still awake, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Yes. It's almost dawn's early light, and our flag is still there. [gets an idea] Daphne! As a subject of the British realm, does it make you feel uncomfortable to have your residence draped in the American flag? And if so, would you be willing to say that at a condo board meeting?
Daphne: Personally, I find it a cozy reminder of the land I dreamed of living in as a child.
Frasier: [defeated] Off I go.
He trudges off to bed. Daphne goes to the kitchen. Simon slips in the front door and follows her.
Daphne: Simon! I thought Dr. Crane kicked you out.
Simon: He did, you don't see me.
Daphne: What are you doing here?
Simon: Well, I'm just getting some provisions for my trip.
He removes a six-pack, a large salami and assorted other items from the fridge.
Daphne: What trip?
Simon: Well, I just thought I'd go meet some mates in California.
Daphne: You can't run out on Mum, she's counting on you!
Simon: She's got the other boys back home.
Daphne: They've all sided with Dad, you know that. You're all she's got.
Simon: I'm not cut out to take care of Mum, she's too demanding. She turned Dad into a shiftless drinker. I can't have her doing that to me! [goes to the door]
Daphne: So you're just going to leave in the middle of the night and not even tell her?
Simon: Look, Stilts, if you want to take care of Mum, that's your choice, but I've got to live my life.
Daphne: You are so selfish! For once in your life you have a chance to be responsible, be a man and do right by your family! Why don't you think about that before you go flitting off to California?
Simon: Well, I'm sorry, Daphne. Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I don't have it in me. It's not who I am. I'll see you.
He exits, leaving her alone. She closes the door and thinks.
END OF ACT ONE
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT TWO
Scene Six - The Montana That same night, someone is knocking softly but urgently on the door. Niles checks the spyhole and opens it to Daphne, still in her pajamas.
Niles: [whispering] Wait, wait, quiet, quiet, quiet. Don't wake your mother, I just got her down. [she comes in] What are you doing here?
Daphne: Something terrible has happened. Simon's left.
Niles: What do you mean, left?
Daphne: He's gone. He's left me to take care of Mum. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I may have to go back to Manchester with her for a while.
Niles: No, no, no, you can't do that. You have a life here.
Daphne: Well, what am I supposed to do? I can't have her stay at Dr. Crane's, there's no room.
Niles: Well, you can both live here.
Daphne: Oh, Niles, you know she'll never go for that arrangement.
Mrs. Moon comes out.
Mrs. Moon: A bit late at night for a single lady to be in a man's home, isn't it?
Daphne: I'm here because Simon's left, off to California to do God knows what.
Mrs. Moon: Oh... well, but that's courageous! Good to see him finally taking charge of his life.
Daphne: He's not taking charge, he left because he doesn't want to take care of you.
Mrs. Moon: That is not so! Simon is a special boy, he wasn't meant to be kept at home. He has dreams. You wouldn't understand that!
Daphne explodes.
Daphne: Now you listen to me, Mum! In case you haven't noticed, I've got dreams too! I even moved halfway across the world to make a life for myself! Do you admire that? No, you don't even acknowledge it! Oh, and by the way, I'm no virgin! Haven't been for years! You remember that boy with the lazy eye you hated so much? Yeah, he was my first! Did it right in the parlor where you take your tea! Then there was the German who fixed Dad's car! Oh yeah, and that Irish chap I fancied, who was twice my age and had his own van and a band! Then I came to America, shall I go on?!
Niles, who looks as unsettled as Mrs. Moon, shakes his head.
Daphne: Well, I am a grown woman who's made her own life and her own decisions! [takes Niles' hand] Now, I plan to shack up with Niles here, and damned if we aren't going to do it every night of the week!
Now Niles' expression is a masterwork by David Hyde Pierce: a tight grin that shows mortified embarrassment fighting against unrestrained glee.
[N.B. A much similar expression can be found in [7.09] The Apparent Trap]
Daphne: That's the way it's gonna be, Mum, and if you don't like it, that's just tough!
Mrs. Moon: Is that so? Well, if that's how you repay me for all my sacrifices-
Daphne: Oh, don't even start!
Mrs. Moon: Fine! Just for that, I'm not spending another night under this roof. I intend to fetch my things, find a hotel, and be on the first flight home tomorrow! Excuse me!
She storms out of the room. Niles and Daphne sit on the couch.
Daphne: Oh God, look at me, I'm shaking! It just came gushing out, once I started I couldn't stop!
Niles: I know, it's all right, it's all right. You were great, you were great, I have never been prouder of you.
Daphne: I can't believe I talked to my mother that way. [laughs]
Niles: You must have been pretty outraged to have invented all those former lovers. [chuckles nervously]
Daphne: What?
Niles: [helping her along] All those former lovers...
Daphne: Oh, yes, right, of course! I'm actually surprised she's leaving so easily. I thought she'd milk it a bit more.
Mrs. Moon comes back in behind Niles and Daphne.
Mrs. Moon: Just so you know - I won't be needing a lift to the hotel. I shall call a taxi.
Daphne: [not turning around] Whatever you want.
Mrs. Moon: You'll see. I don't need any of you rotten ingrates, I can take perfectly good care of myself!
Daphne: Glad to hear it.
Mrs. Moon pauses, then quite obviously squats on the floor.
Mrs. Moon: Ow! As they turn around and run over, she moans and clutches her knee.
Daphne: Oh God, what happened?
Niles: Are you hurt?
Mrs. Moon: Well, of course I'm hurt! [they help her to a chair] Oh, get me ice-
Niles: All right, all right.
Mrs. Moon: And whiskey!
Niles: O.K.
Mrs. Moon: Not cheap stuff! Oh, I don't know how I'm gonna fly now, the pain is unbearable! Though I know I'm not welcome here. Oh, I can't say I blame you. No sense burdening yourself with an old woman... who can't take care of herself... and has nowhere else to go...
Niles: [forcing out the words] Oh, don't be silly. You can stay here as long as you like.
Mrs. Moon: Well, move along, the whiskey's not pouring itself.
Niles goes to the kitchen.
[SCENE_BREAK]
NOT ONE OF THEM
KNOWS THE SECOND VERSE
Scene Seven - Building Common Room Frasier is addressing the condo board (Mr. Williams, Mrs. Richman, and another woman) and the assembled tenants.
Frasier: Are we fiercely patriotic? Yes. But how do we best demonstrate that? Not by infringing on the rights and balconies of others, but as most good Americans do, in our hearts, with generous spirit and quiet reverence. I respectfully submit that when we display the flag as Mr. Winston has, it flies in the face of the very freedoms for which it stands. Thank you. [sits down]
Williams: Cam, rebuttal?
Cam rises from his seat in the rear.
"Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first. - Ambrose Bierce]
Cam: The last thing I wanted was to create conflict. I was merely trying to boost the morale of the community.
Richman: And so you have. [the tenants murmur agreement]
Williams: I move that the flag stays. [agreement again]
Frasier: All right, all right, ver-ver-very well, then. B-but perhaps... perhaps we could display it on the north side of the building, for the benefit of our Canadian neighbors.
Cam: That was my first instinct, but it can't be illuminated at night from that side.
Richman: Lighting is a must.
Williams: Absolutely.
Richman: Then it's settled. [pounds gavel]
Frasier: All right, just-just hold on a second! I feel I'm being hoodwinked. The only reason Cam hung that flag was to get the better of me. He knows I bought the apartment for its view!
Cam: No, you bought that apartment because you're free!
[agreement again]
Albert: Maybe you could have a view from your balcony in Iraq!
Richman: Yes, move to Iraq!
The tenants take up the chant, "Move to Iraq!"
Frasier: No, wait, wait, wait! I am just as much an American as every one of you! Perhaps Cam would just tell us how long he intends to display our beautiful flag?
Cam: Hmm, how about until there's world peace?
Albert: Oh, that's a good idea! [agreement again]
Frasier: Oh, come on! There's never going to be world peace!
[boos and hisses]
Williams: Maybe there would be world peace if there were more people like Cam and fewer people like you.
Frasier: Oh now, just a second-
Cam: [singing] Oh beautiful, for spacious skies...
Everyone but Frasier joins in, rising out of their seats.
All but Frasier: For amber waves of grain, For purple mountains' majesty, Above the fruited plain... America, America...
Frasier, knowing when he's beaten, takes Cam aside as the others continue singing.
Frasier: All right, what do you want?
Cam: Your parking spot.
Frasier: You'll make all this stop?
Cam: Well, there is the matter of the flag. I can't just take it down now.
Frasier: All right, suggest the roof! I'll even spring for the flagpole.
They shake hands. As they finish the chorus, Cam walks to the front.
Cam: Everyone, everyone, everyone! [they fall silent and sit] The America we love is one of good neighbors. In order to foster that, I have decided to move my flag to the roof.
The tenants murmur, "I don't know," "it's nice as it is," etc.
Cam: This will not only serve to mend fences, but it will provide all of Seattle with a view of our precious Stars and Stripes.
Williams: You've done it again, Cam.
Richman: He certainly has.
Frasier: And, in the spirit of reciprocity, I will provide the flagpole. [no response] And any necessary lighting.
Albert: Credit grabber!
Frasier: Oh, come on, we're all in agreement here! [singing] "Oh beautiful, for spacious skies..." [no one joins in] Come on, everybody! "For amber waves of grain..."
The board members shuffle their papers impatiently as Cam gives a triumphant smile.
Frasier: [gives up] Oh, all right, I'll see you next week. Frasier leaves.
[N.B. In addition to adding his voice (along with the rest of the Frasier cast) to the general encouragement of America's troops and citizens, Kelsey Grammer was a leading host of the huge joint-network television special honoring firefighters and other rescue workers fallen in New York.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Eight - The Montana Niles opens the door to Daphne and Mrs. Moon.
Niles: How did things go at the doctor?
Daphne: Couldn't find anything wrong with the knee - big surprise.
Mrs. Moon: [holds up pill bottle] Then why did he give me sedatives, smarty?
Daphne: Because I begged him.
Mrs. Moon: Oh, fetch me my water.
Niles: Oh, I'll get it.
Daphne: [follows him] I know how she likes it.
Niles: Oh, but I know where the glasses are.
They both trot into the kitchen.
Daphne: I am so sorry about this.
Niles: It's all right, we'll manage. I can live with anything - as long as I can live with you.
Mrs. Moon: [o.s.] I'm still waiting out here!
Daphne sticks her head out.
Daphne: It's coming! Pipe down!
Mrs. Moon: Why? Am I interrupting your dirty s*x?
Daphne grits her teeth and comes back inside.
Daphne: It's going to be interesting, the three of us living together.
Niles: Daphne, this is stupid. We should just wait until she's gone.
Daphne: No, I said I was moving in, and I'm going to.
Niles: It took you your whole life to assert your independence from this woman. I can't ask you to live under the same roof with her.
Daphne: Well, I can't ask you to live with her either.
Niles: [pouring the water] Oh well, it's just temporary. And you know what? She bothers you a lot more than she bothers me.
Mrs. Moon: [o.s.] Don't empty the sink, I'm soaking my smalls!
They both look away from the sink.
Niles: Well, [clears throat] we've waited this long...
Daphne: I love you, Niles.
Niles: I love you too. [they kiss and hug]
Daphne: And I promise, as soon as she's on a plane for England, I'm here!
They go out.
Niles: Mrs. Moon, did the doctor mention anything about when you'd be able to fly?
Mrs. Moon: No, didn't say a word about flying. That's probably a bad sign, eh?
Niles: Yeah...
He slumps into a chair and lets his body go limp, resigned to a long wait.
END OF ACT TWO
[SCENE_BREAK]
Niles rolls up his sleeves, puts on heavy rubber gloves, and takes a deep breath before using a pair of tongs to remove Mrs. Moon's underclothes from his sink and into a plastic bowl. | Plan: A: Daphne; Q: Who is tired of Gertrude's delusion that she is still a virgin? A: Daphne's father; Q: Who has walked out? A: Niles; Q: Who does Daphne's mother stay with? A: Frasier; Q: Who throws Simon out of his apartment? A: Roz; Q: Who does Simon ask for help after he is thrown out of the house? A: California; Q: Where does Simon go to visit friends? A: her mother; Q: Who does Daphne have to look after after Simon leaves? A: Simon's departure; Q: What event finally causes Daphne to lose patience with Gertrude? A: patience; Q: What does Daphne lose when her mother commends Simon's independence? A: his apartment; Q: What does Cam Winston hang an American flag over the balcony of? A: the condo board; Q: Who does Frasier take the case to? A: the flag; Q: Martin warns Frasier that any action he takes will come across as an insult to what? A: enthusiastic approval; Q: What response does Cam Winston receive from the condo board? A: Frasier's parking space; Q: What does Cam Winston offer to give to Frasier in exchange for moving the flag? Summary: Daphne's father has walked out, and all her brothers except Simon support him. Her mother, Gertrude, continues to stay with Niles, but eventually Frasier grows tired of hosting Simon and throws him out. After unsuccessfully asking Roz for help, Simon decides to go and visit some friends in California , leaving Daphne to look after her mother. Daphne is already getting tired of entertaining Gertrude's delusion that she is still a virgin, and when her mother responds to the news of Simon's departure by commending his independence, Daphne finally loses patience. Cam Winston has completely obscured Frasier's view out of his apartment by hanging an American flag down over the balcony. Frasier is determined to take the case to the condo board, even though Martin warns him that any action he takes will just come across as an insult to the flag . At the subsequent and farcical meeting, Cam Winston responds to each of Frasier's complaints with professions of heartfelt patriotism, and receives enthusiastic approval from everyone else. In the end, Cam offers Frasier a deal: in return for moving the flag, he wants Frasier's parking space. |
ARC OF INFINITY
BY: JOHNNY BYRNE
Part Three
First Air Date: 11 January 1983
Running time: 24:37
[SCENE_BREAK]
BORUSA: The space-time dimensions of the Matrix are clear. The creature has been expelled.
NYSSA: I hope you know what you've done.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Who are you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
CASTELLAN: What was your opinion, Maxil?
MAXIL: The termination? Not quite what I expected.
CASTELLAN: Nor me. I want a full analysis of the event. Be discreet, but do it right away.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DAMON: It's ready, Nyssa. The Doctor?
[SCENE_BREAK]
TIME LORD: The Doctor?
OMEGA: Weak, but he'll live. You did well, Time Lord.
[SCENE_BREAK]
OMEGA: Doctor. Doctor. You know where you are, Doctor?
DOCTOR: I must be in the Matrix.
OMEGA: Only your mind, Doctor. Your body is still in the termination area, shielded by an energy band.
DOCTOR: I knew you couldn't let me die.
OMEGA: You realised this would happen?
DOCTOR: I guessed. Besides, I hoped it would give me the chance to meet you.
OMEGA: And now that you have?
DOCTOR: It'd difficult to say without knowing who you are.
OMEGA: A friend, Doctor. A friend who holds your feeble lifeforce this side of existence.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEGAN: It's filthy in here. What is this place?
STUART: A service passage.
TEGAN: This is where you slept?
STUART: Yes. The crypt's through there.
TEGAN: It's locked.
STUART: It must be bolted on the other side. Maybe a gardener or worker's been down here.
TEGAN: Colin could be behind there, hurt.
STUART: Look, Tegan.
TEGAN: Colin's.
STUART: He must be still around.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CASTELLAN (OOV.): Yes, Maxil?
MAXIL: I think you should come down here, Castellan.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: If you have something to offer the Time Lords, why not speak directly?
OMEGA: I considered that, but it wouldn't work.
DOCTOR: Then you must be known to Gallifrey.
OMEGA: I was not always as I am now, Doctor. Once I too had life, real existence in your dimension. Soon, with your help, I shall have it again.
DOCTOR: It would mean losing control of the Matrix to you. The price is too high.
OMEGA: Do not provoke me. We shall talk when you are ready to listen.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MAXIL: The circuit was altered, rigged to cut out at the moment of termination.
CASTELLAN: Then the Doctor didn't die.
MAXIL: Not according to this. And something else. The girl was correct about his bioscan. It was transmitted from Gallifrey.
CASTELLAN: We must find the Doctor and the rest will fall into place.
MAXIL: Should the High Council be told?
CASTELLAN: No. We'll handle this ourselves. Bring Damon and the girl here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STUART: At least you know Colin was here.
TEGAN: What I don't understand is why you'd want to sleep in a place like this.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DAMON: There's no sense brooding on it, Nyssa.
DAMON: What are you doing here?
MAXIL: We've orders to search the Doctor's TARDIS.
NYSSA: Who are you looking for?
MAXIL: You two come with me.
NYSSA: I demand
MAXIL: Move.
DAMON: Do as he says, Nyssa.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEGAN: What is it?
STUART: I don't know.
STUART: Quick, over here.
STUART: No.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CASTELLAN: You transmitted the Doctor's bioscan, didn't you.
DAMON: Without the codes? How could I?
CASTELLAN: But you knew about it.
DAMON: Yes. Talor and I found out by accident.
CASTELLAN: Why didn't you tell me what Talor had learnt.
DAMON: Only members of the High Council have access to bioscan circuits and you are a Councillor, Castellan. That was my dilemma.
CASTELLAN: But there is still the matter of the interference of the termination circuits.
DAMON: Of that I know nothing. I don't know the coding that would give access.
CASTELLAN: The Doctor would know. He could instruct you. You had contact with the Doctor, didn't you?
NYSSA: It's a pity you weren't so concerned when the Doctor was alive.
CASTELLAN: Don't play games with me, girl. The Doctor is alive, and you know it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STUART: No, Tegan, don't.
TEGAN: We can't just leave him. Colin!
[SCENE_BREAK]
STUART: Tegan!
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: All right, let's talk. Do you hear me?
[SCENE_BREAK]
CASTELLAN: We know there's a conspiracy, and we'll get to the heart of it.
DAMON: Then find the Time Lord who killed Talor.
CASTELLAN: We will, and the Doctor too. Maxil, continue the search. He must be somewhere in the Citadel. You two will remain here until I return.
NYSSA: He's alive, Damon!
[SCENE_BREAK]
MAXIL: Search the residential wing, but be discreet. No one is to know we're looking for the Doctor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEGAN: Where are we?
STUART: I don't know. Are you all right?
TEGAN: Yes.
OMEGA: If you cooperate, you will come to no further harm.
TEGAN: What do you want of us?
OMEGA: You intruded where you had no business to be.
TEGAN: We were looking for my cousin.
OMEGA: The primitive?
TEGAN: His name is Colin Frazer. Where is he?
OMEGA: He serves me in here. If you are capable of doing the same, you will not find me ungrateful. The Ergon will scan you for possible future use. Step forward, girl. It would be unwise to resist.
OMEGA: So, you are known to the Doctor.
TEGAN: What of it?
OMEGA: Answer.
TEGAN: Yes, I'm a friend of the Doctor's.
OMEGA: Then we are both fortunate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TIME LORD: We have trouble. A full-scale security search is in progress for the Doctor.
OMEGA: How did this happen?
TIME LORD: The termination aroused suspicion, but the High Council haven't been told yet. We must act swiftly before they do.
OMEGA: Act? How?
TIME LORD: Release the Doctor. You must concentrate your powers on transfer.
OMEGA: We can't risk it. Once free, the Doctor will make trouble.
TIME LORD: We must take that chance. Your only hope now is for a swift transfer.
OMEGA: Hmm. Perhaps the Doctor can be persuaded not to interfere. Very well. I'll do as you say.
[SCENE_BREAK]
OMEGA: Doctor? I have good news for you, Doctor. Since I wish no enmity between us, I intend to release you.
DOCTOR: That's very generous of you. May I ask what I've done to deserve it?
OMEGA: You will be freed if you give me your word not to interfere.
DOCTOR: I will do everything I can to stop you.
OMEGA: Then I am forced to persuade you.
DOCTOR: Tegan!
OMEGA: A friend of yours, Doctor. Please, your word not to interfere or she must suffer.
DOCTOR: No, it's a trick. It's not Tegan.
OMEGA: Tell him, girl.
TEGAN: Please, Doctor, help me.
DOCTOR: It can't be. Tegan's on Earth. I know she is.
OMEGA: Very well. If she is an illusion, then you will not be upset to see her destroyed.
TEGAN: Doctor, please!
[SCENE_BREAK]
DAMON: It'll need your handprint to decode it, Castellan.
MAXIL (OOV.): Castellan?
CASTELLAN: Have you found him?
MAXIL (OOV.): Not yet.
CASTELLAN: While your men continue the search, have Thalia, Hedin and Zorac come to my office immediately.
DAMON: You know who it is?
CASTELLAN: Yes. We have all the proof we need.
NYSSA: So you know the Doctor is innocent.
CASTELLAN: The Doctor plotted this conspiracy. Now we know who helped him.
NYSSA: Can we get out?
DAMON: No, he's operated the lock.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: All right. Whatever you say.
OMEGA: Her life depends on you, Doctor.
DOCTOR: As yours depends on mine.
OMEGA: Then see that nothing threatens it. The next time we meet, it will be on Gallifrey. Goodbye, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Wait!
[SCENE_BREAK]
STUART: Tegan, are you all right?
TEGAN: I saw the Doctor.
STUART: How?
TEGAN: I don't know. It was like a nightmare. Unreal. But I saw him.
OMEGA: I'm glad you were of help to me, girl. To show my appreciation, your cousin will be returned to you.
TEGAN: Colin!
FRAZER: Tegan.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ZORAC: What the devil's going on, Castellan? Guards crashing about. It's like a madhouse out there.
CASTELLAN: My apologies, Councillors.
THALIA: Castellan, we are not in the habit of being summoned by armed soldiers. We are waiting, Castellan.
CASTELLAN: A very grave situation has come to light. We have indisputable evidence that the Doctor is alive.
ZORAC: Ridiculous! We saw him terminated.
CASTELLAN: He's alive, Zorac. My men are searching for him now.
THALIA: How can he be?
CASTELLAN: He was helped to evade termination by one of us. One of the High Council.
CASTELLAN: That is a full analysis of the relevant security circuit traffic. Study them well, Councillors. They will tell you who it was.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Pity. Long cancelled, I expect. Presidential code. Four five, four? Four five, five! Three nine one.
DOCTOR: Three nine one. Three nine one. Three nine one. Six five nine two!
[SCENE_BREAK]
NYSSA: Doctor!
DAMON: How did you manage to open the door?
DOCTOR: Pure luck.
[SCENE_BREAK]
THALIA: The Lord President?
CASTELLAN: You have the proof. His personal codes were used to manipulate the Matrix. Again, his code registered in the computer room the precise time Talor was killed.
ZORAC: Why?
CASTELLAN: The creature. It's linked to the Doctor and through him to Gallifrey.
THALIA: To achieve what, Castellan?
CASTELLAN: We know the creature controls the shift of the Arc of Infinity. So, what if the Arc were to be permanently located here, linked to the Matrix? (silence) Enormous power, way beyond the ability of anyone to control it, except those already at one with the Matrix.
ZORAC: The Lord President.
CASTELLAN: Yes. And the Doctor. Together with this creature, I'm convinced this is what they intend to do.
[SCENE_BREAK]
NYSSA: At least you could have told me what you were up to.
DOCTOR: There wasn't time, Nyssa. Damon, did you do as I asked?
DAMON: The TARDIS element? Yes.
DOCTOR: What about the power equipment? Anything turn up?
DAMON: Just one item. A fusion booster element was transported recently.
DOCTOR: Fusion?
DAMON: It's a highly advanced piece of equipment. Unstable, but capable of an enormous conversion rate over very short periods.
DOCTOR: What, from water?
DAMON: It's fuelled by anything that contains hydrogen atoms. Water would be perfect.
DOCTOR: Now listen, Damon, this is very important. I need to know the precise destination and who sent it. Do you think you could find that out?
NYSSA: Shouldn't we go while we've got the chance?
DOCTOR: We're going to Earth, Nyssa.
NYSSA: Earth? What for?
DOCTOR: That's where this creature is.
NYSSA: How do you know?
DOCTOR: It's got Tegan. I saw her in the Matrix.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MAXIL: The residential wings are clear. My men are searching the technical areas.
CASTELLAN: You've sealed the Citadel?
MAXIL: Nothing can get in or out, Castellan.
CASTELLAN: Then it's just a question of time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TIME LORD: The Council know.
OMEGA: They will take action?
TIME LORD: Not until they find the Doctor.
OMEGA: You must delay them. I need more time. I must generate sufficient power for transfer.
TIME LORD: I can't guarantee you will have it.
OMEGA: You must! You will have to isolate the Matrix master control. Use your influence with the Lord President.
TIME LORD: Very well, I will.
OMEGA: Thank you, Time Lord.
TIME LORD: What we are, we owe to you. Your return is all that matters.
OMEGA: Meanwhile, I will try to prevent them using the Matrix against us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STUART: There's no way out.
TEGAN: The Doctor knows we're here. He'll find a way to help us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DAMON: You were right, Doctor. The fusion booster element was transported to Earth. It could have been anywhere. The reception area was lost in severe temporal distortion.
DOCTOR: Pity.
DAMON: We know who sent it, though.
DOCTOR: Who?
DAMON: These codes are unmistakable. You used them yourself to get in here.
DOCTOR: The Lord President.
DAMON: There's no mistake.
NYSSA: What are you going to do?
DOCTOR: Well, we must see the Lord President immediately.
DAMON: The Castellan's guards are all over the place.
DOCTOR: Thank you for all your help, Damon. I shall never be able to repay you.
DOCTOR: Nyssa.
NYSSA: Just in case.
DAMON: Good luck, Doctor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MAXIL (on screen): You wanted to know if any other High Councillor attempted to see the Lord President.
CASTELLAN: Yes?
MAXIL (on screen): Councillor Hedin is with him now.
CASTELLAN: Thank you.
CASTELLAN: Hedin has gone to see the Lord President.
THALIA (on screen): But we agreed to wait.
CASTELLAN: We must act now, Thalia.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: No!
DOCTOR: Come on! Come on. In here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CASTELLAN: You found him?
[SCENE_BREAK]
MAXIL: Not yet, but he can't be far away.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CASTELLAN: Hurry it up, Maxil. I need him. Find him!
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
BORUSA: It's a highly unusual request, Hedin.
HEDIN: It would only affect the master controls. The secondary functions will continue to operate.
BORUSA: If I charge the transduction field, the Matrix itself will be isolated. No one could use it.
HEDIN: That's why you must do it, Lord President.
BORUSA: You forget yourself, Hedin. Access to the Matrix is guaranteed. Only the gravest emergency could permit me to do what you want.
HEDIN: Nevertheless, you will do it.
BORUSA: No one is above the law, Hedin. Not you, not
HEDIN: Don't force me to use it. Now, if you please, Lord President.
BORUSA: Why are you doing this, Hedin?
HEDIN: There's no time to explain now.
DOCTOR: Hedin, you don't believe this stuff about the Lord President?
BORUSA: Doctor, be careful.
DOCTOR: What is it?
HEDIN: Throw down the weapon.
DOCTOR: So it's you.
HEDIN: Nyssa, the weapon. I shall kill even you.
HEDIN: Now, over there.
DOCTOR: The bioscan, the rigged termination, all your work, Hedin?
HEDIN: I did what I had to. Now do as you are told.
DOCTOR: It was all done to make us think you were responsible, Lord President. And now, Hedin?
HEDIN: Nothing must interfere with transfer.
DOCTOR: It's that close?
HEDIN: Very.
DOCTOR: I always considered you a friend, Hedin. A man of learning, respected by all. Why now turn to evil?
HEDIN: You don't understand.
DOCTOR: This creature will soon control the Matrix. Is that what you want?
HEDIN: This is no alien creature, Doctor. It's one of us, a Time Lord, the first and greatest of our people. The one who sacrificed all to give us mastery of time and was shamefully abandoned in return.
DOCTOR: Omega?
HEDIN: Yes, Omega.
DOCTOR: But Omega died.
HEDIN: No, he exists, Doctor. He only wants to live amongst us, and he will, as soon as he transfers here.
DOCTOR: Omega is insane. Once in control of the Matrix
HEDIN: He wants nothing for himself. The power he brings is for the good of all.
CASTELLAN: Well done, Hedin.
BORUSA: Castellan!
CASTELLAN: You're under arrest, Lord President. As for you, Doctor, you were sentenced to death. This time sentence will be carried out.
HEDIN: No!
DOCTOR: You fool. He could have told us where Omega is.
CASTELLAN: Omega?
BORUSA: Put up your weapon, Castellan.
CASTELLAN: The Doctor is a traitor.
BORUSA: Hedin is your traitor.
DOCTOR: Lord President, we must shut down the Matrix.
BORUSA: It won't prevent transfer.
DOCTOR: No, but it could delay it, give us time to hunt Omega down.
NYSSA: Doctor!
DOCTOR: It's too late. Omega controls the Matrix. | Plan: A: The Council; Q: Who follows through with their death order? A: Omega; Q: Who holds the Doctor in Limbo? A: Commander Maxil discover; Q: Who discovers that the Doctors Bio-Extract had been transmitted from The Matrix? A: Nyssa; Q: Who was right about the Doctor's Bio-Extract? A: Tegan; Q: Who finds her cousin who is under alien control? Summary: The Council follows through with their death order and Omega holds the Doctor in Limbo. Commander Maxil discover's that Nyssa was right and the Doctors Bio-Extract had been transmitted from The Matrix.Tegan finds her cousin who is under alien control. |
At Zanzibar
Announcer: Please give it up for Lextasy.
(Alex walks off the stage.)
Mel: How was it?
Alex: Honestly? The most terrifying experience of my life. I think I'm going to throw up.
Mel: Paige called. She wants you to call her back.
Alex: Mel! This never happened, okay?
(She makes a signal that she'll keep Alex's secret.)
At Alex's
Paige: Hey sweets! I brought falafels.
Alex: Is that the only reason you came over? To fatten me up?
Paige: No. Um in fact...it's not. I thought about what you said about labels, straight, bi, lesbian, whatever. I really, really care about you and I've decided to try to get over my fears. So Ms. Nuñez will you be my sweetheart?
(Alex kisses her.)
Alex: There's your answer sweetheart.
At Alex's, the next morning
Emily: Morning. Your regular cookie.
Alex: Mom.
(Emily drops the bag of cookies on the table and takes off her hairnet.)
Alex: God how can you stomach those things after a night shift?
Emily: Hey each cookie I mechanically assemble gets us one step closer to keeping a roof over our heads.
Alex: Will this help?
(She holds up the money.)
Emily: Holy. Did you rob a bank?
Alex: Job at a schmancy bistro equals big tips. That's for the rent fund.
Emily: Thank you so much honey. You know that you're the one thing I've ever done that turned out right.
Alex: Don't be so sure. Right now I've got an exam.
At Degrassi
(Alex is falling asleep during the test and tries hard to concentrate.)
At the Dot
Jay: Eeyore, have you seen my friend Sean around?
Sean: Um sorry. It's just everything's about to change.
Jay: It's about time you got some fresh gitch.
Sean: I'm talking about my life, jackass. Emma thinks she's pregnant.
Jay: Are you serious? Congratulations man. Score!
Sean: Score? What have you been drinking break fluid?
Jay: You have got her, bro forever. Now this way Emma can't ditch your ass when she comes to her senses.
Sean: Give me a break, alright? Knocking her up was never part of the plan.
Jay: This is your ticket, Sean. Ready made family, life at the garage. You're set for life. Isn't that what you always wanted? At a club
Ellie: Did you tip or is every last dime still going to your dad?
Marco: Tip I did, gloomy one. I also have one for you. When boy hunting, try to look like you're having fun.
Ellie: Jesse!
Jesse: You look great Ellie.
Jay: So what's in the bag? A gesture of sweet, sweet romance?
Paige: This? A little post-exam gift for my belle. Super on sale.
(Alex pulls out a red dress.)
Mel: Sexy! It's perfect for work.
Alex: Hilarious Mel. She's, she's joking.
Paige: Good. But as far as jokes go, hon? Not so funny. The thought of you wearing a parka in that place gives me an emotional boil.
Alex: Well then I guess I'll just have to perform an emotional lancing. Tomorrow night I'll quit. I'll find a new job.
Paige: Are you serious? Best present ever! I suddenly feel like dancing!
(She goes dancing with Marco.)
Mel: New job?
Alex: As far as Paige knows, you bet.
Jay: A big, fat lie. Now there is a solid foundation for a relationship.
Alex: Yeah. A complicated one and if she finds out I'm an exotic dancer, there won't be one at all.
Jay: Well good luck with that, Lextasy. You see when a hot girl shakes her naked ta-tas for a living, word gets around.
At Degrassi
Ms. Hatzilakos: Alex! You have a minute?
Alex: Yeah.
Ms. Hatzilakos: People are talking about you.
Alex: Whatever. It's all lies.
Ms. Hatzilakos: These people are your teachers. They're all very impressed on how you've had a major turnaround this year. However I did hear about your organic chem. exam. It's not exactly your best work. Is everything okay?
Alex: Yeah. Uh couldn't be better, Ms. H. I'll study harder next time, okay?
Ms. Hatzilakos: Listen I wanted to talk to you about university.
Alex: Yeah universities cost money.
Ms. Hatzilakos: There are scholarships or loans, I'll wrote you a glowing reference and with some part time work-
Alex: Is that all?
(She nods and Alex leaves.)
Outside the school
Sean: How was your exam?
Emma: I managed. Thanks for the study help.
Sean: Okay if you're pregnant, let's keep the baby if that's okay with you.
(They hug.)
Emma: Yes, yes, yes! It's okay with me. Just us doing this together makes it okay with me.
Sean: Just promise me your parents won't kill me.
Emma: Well there will be serious drama, but it's better than boot camp.
Sean: I'm still going to enlist, Emma.
Emma: What?
Sean: I'd send money. I'd see you on leave. It's best for everyone.
Emma: Leaving me alone? It's the worst idea Sean. It's ridiculous.
Sean: I wouldn't bail on you, Emma. I just want to get a career. I want a chance to become something.
Emma: And I'm stuck being a teen mom. Well that's fantastic. Why are guys so typical?
At Zanzibar
Vlad: All by yourself sweetheart?
Alex: I didn't want to join the dressing room nose candy party.
Vlad: Smart girl, but that tells me you need the money for something else.
Alex: Yeah. I'm just not sure dancing topless for a bunch of lonely pervs is worth it. No offence.
Vlad: Allan here is one of my best clients.
Allan: Lextasy is it? Is that French?
Alex: Look Vlad I don't think I can do this anymore. If you still need a waitress, I can-
Vlad: But you are a natural, Alex. I like you. My clients like you. So I'm going to give you weekend shifts. Huge money. Cash every night.
Alex: What's the catch, aside from taking my clothes off?
Vlad: Just be sexy.
Announcer: Lextasy to the stage please.
Paige: Mel! Where's Alex? I want to wish her a happy last night in the cesspool.
Mel: You should go Paige.
Announcer: And next up, one hand meets the other for the sexy Lextasy.
(Paige watches as Alex goes to the stripping room.)
After Alex's performance, she walks offstage
Alex: Paige, what are you...?
Paige: Oh I just thought I'd drop in, check out some naked chicks and surprise! One of them was you.
Alex: It's not what you think.
Paige: I saw you stripping! Devoid of clothing. What is there to think? What else aren't you telling me? How bad is it that you have to do this?!
Alex: I'm doing what I have to do, okay? Just don't worry and don't be mad please.
Paige: How can I not worry?
Vlad: What is all this? Young lady if you want a job, auditions are on Thursdays. Goodbye.
(Paige throws the flowers at Alex and leaves.)
At Degrassi, people are setting up for the winter dance
Darcy: So your votes for winter fest ice queen, are you taking bribes?
Manny: You're our girl, Darcy.
Darcy: Thanks for helping set up. It would be a winter-y nightmare without you.
Manny: I had a nightmare. Mr. Armstrong chased me off a cliff. Must have been that functions exam. Emma, help I'm falling!
(Manny pretends to fall on Emma.)
Emma: Stop it. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to skip over the whole functions memory.
Manny: Speaking of functions, when we lived together we were in synch. Last week I asked you for a tampon, but you weren't you know...
Emma: I think Sean and I had an accident.
Manny: Oh no. Are you sure?
Emma: I think so. I didn't know it was possible to be this scared.
(Manny hugs her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
At Zanzibar
Allan: Buy you a drink, Lextacy?
Alex: Wait ten minutes Allan. Show's free.
Allan: Sorry. Have a good night.
Alex: Who are you? Five words or less.
Allan: Entrepreneur, golfer, divorced twice, old and lonely.
Alex: That's seven.
Allan: You're counting the 'and'?
Alex: My turn. I'm a lesbian.
Allan: Huh. I just wanted to talk.
Alex: Super. Thing is, my partner wants me to quit working here and uh it's getting hard to find reasons not to.
Allan: You know it takes a brave, supremely confident woman to do what you do. She can't handle it, her loss.
Alex: Thing is I don't want to lose her.
Allan: I bet she doesn't want to lose you either.
(He gives her some money.)
Allan: Here. For your time.
At Marco and Ellie's
Marco: Ellie! Rise and shine sleepyhead. El? Half hour 'til class. Hey come on!
(He opens the door.)
Ellie: No, no, no, no. Stay down!
Jessie: What? What?
(Marco sees Ellie and Jesse in bed together and he quickly leaves.)
At the Dot
(Alex and Paige start talking at the same time.)
Alex: There's something-
Paige: I just want to-...sorry you first.
Alex: I'm sorry you had to find out the truth like that. The look on your face at the bar...
Paige: You need help. So I'll forgive you, erase that image from my memory and we'll celebrate your new job at the dance. There's an internship at my mom's company.
Alex: Paige I have a job, okay?
Paige: Exploiting yourself is not a job, so swallow your stupid pride and accept help when it's offered.
Alex: My mom and I are this close to being evicted. I do this because I have to. Get it?
Paige: No. I will never ever get why you would take your clothes off for money. For any reason ever!
Alex: I don't know; female empowerment?
Paige: That's bovine fecal matter and you know it, Alex.
Alex: I'll have enough in a week or two.
Paige: Until something else comes up. Every night that you do this, it kills me. When does it stop?
Alex: Maybe when I make enough for tuition or when I get my mommy's magic credit card, like yours. This is my reality Paige and if you can't be there for me, we have no future.
Paige: Sorry Alex. I can't.
Alex: Have fun at the stupid dance.
At Emma's
Spike: Pregnant! Everything we've talked about was supposed to prevent this.
Emma: It's not your fault, mom.
Spike: Okay, first things first. Take the test. If it's positive, we'll make you a doctor's appointment.
Emma: Okay, but remember these tests are only 99% accurate.
Spike: Here we go again.
Emma: Ah!
Spike: Is everything okay, honey?
Emma: Yeah. It's more than okay. I got my period.
Spike: Yes!
(Spike hugs Emma and Manny starts dancing around with her.)
Manny: Go Emma! You got your period and you're not pregnant. We're going dancing. Let's go get dressed up. We're going dancing!
At Zanzibar
Alex: Hey golfer, glad to see you.
Allan: So things with the girlfriend?
Alex: Big, huge, apocalypto fight. This so-called confident woman is feeling pretty pathetic right now.
Allan: Look Lextasy, whatever your name is, come to Vegas with me.
Alex: Vegas? Okay what part of 'I'm a lesbian' didn't you get?
Allan: I'm not asking you to fall in love with me. Think of it as another job. Name your price.
(Alex slaps him and Vlad rushes over.)
Alex: You pig! If you even look at me...
Vlad: Control yourself or there will be problems. Are we clear?
Alex: I've got my own problems, scumbag. I quit!
At the dance
Sean: Surprised you're here. Why won't you return my calls?
Emma: Because there's nothing to talk about. I got my period. False alarm.
Sean: Really? Are you serious?
Emma: It's not something I'd joke about.
Sean: That's awesome, right? So what now?
Emma: I don't know. You're off to basic training. I'm going to university next year.
Sean: When I get back...
Emma: Stop. Maybe we shouldn't make any plans right now.
Sean: Can I at least have a dance?
(Emma smiles and they start to dance.)
At Alex's
(Emily walks in as Alex is packing up some stuff.)
Emily: What are you doing? We don't have to move.
Alex: I quit my job. What can we sell?
Emily: You quit? That was good money, Alex. That was, that was money we all need.
Chad: Guess who made bail?
Alex: Oh perfect. How exactly?
Emily: You kind of helped.
Alex: You used the money for him?! Ask me where that cash came from, mom! Ask me! Do you know what I had to do?
Emily: Alex, we're all gonna get out of this together.
Alex: Wrong. You're pathetic mom. From now on you're on your own.
Emily: Alex!
(Alex storms out with her duffle bag.)
At the dance
(Darcy and Toby have won winter king and queen.)
Toby: Think JT would have liked my crown?
Liberty: Yeah Toby Isaacs, ice king? You never would have lived that down.
Spinner: Lost your date?
Paige: It's a solo flight tonight. I guess it's just us friends.
Spinner: Me going stag, I get. But you? Dude I don't get this crazy world.
(Danny and Derek are shown getting rejected by Manny and Mia so they start dancing together.)
Alex: Do you know this is my first Degrassi dance? Do you like my dress?
Paige: Shouldn't it be on the floor at work?
Alex: I've screwed up a lot, but if I let you go it'll be the biggest screw-up of my life. So I quit stripping, for real.
Paige: Hon this is happy news!
Alex: Chad's back. I can't go home. I have nothing. Just help me, please.
Paige: Sweetie you have me. How about a little faux-snow dance therapy?
Alex: The only dancing I'll be doing from now on.
(They start dancing and everyone is shown having a good time.) | Plan: A: Alex; Q: Who is hiding his double life from Paige? A: the cash; Q: What is Alex's double life bringing in? A: Sean; Q: Who is Emma fighting with over him joining the army? Summary: Alex's double life is finally bringing in the cash, but having to hide it from Paige is taking its toll on her schoolwork and their relationship. Meanwhile, Sean and Emma continue to fight over him joining the army and leaving her alone and pregnant. |
DUE TO MATURE THEME, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED
COLD OPEN.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) -- DAY]
(Heavy winds blow sand across the desert, making it difficult to see.)
(A car travels along the road through the sight-obscured desert.)
[EXT. DESERT (OFF HIGHWAY 55, NEAR SPARKS) - DAY]
(Grissom arrives at the site and parks near the other officers' cars. In front of them, Brass is talking with a man in a heavy jacket. Brass has his hand over his nose and mouth to keep the dust and sand out.)
(Grissom gets out of the car and joins Brass.)
Brass: Guy was on his way to a landscaping job in Palm Springs. Saw a body sticking out of the sand.
Grissom: Well, out this far, it's probably a body dump.
(They reach the body. Nick is already there.)
Nick: Looks like they starved her to death first.
(They get a good look at the body. A bald, thin woman in her underwear partially covered by the blowing sand.)
Brass: Well, Jesus fasted in the desert.
Grissom: Yeah, but he had a choice.
Nick: No clothes, no shoes, no hair.
(The coroner's van arrives and backs up to the spot.)
Brass: Maybe her dome was shaved 'cause she spent time in the pen.
Nick: No right hand either. Could have been disarticulated by a wild animal.
Brass: The only wild animal was the one who left her out here.
(David Phillips gets out of the van and joins them.)
David Phillips: Hey, Grissom.
(Grissom turns and looks at David Phillips.)
David Phillips: Conditions are less than ideal. Is it okay if we just do a scoop and run?
Grissom: Yeah, David, shoe prints, tire treads -- all they are is ...
Brass: ... Dust in the wind.
(David smiles, turns and heads back to the truck to get his things. Grissom leans forward and notices the brand on the victim's upper left arm: 19.)
Grissom: Looks like she was branded.
Brass: Emaciated, bald, and numbered. What does that remind you of?
(Grissom turns and looks at him.)
SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(Robbins, Nick and David Phillips are around the victim on the morgue table. Nick sits on the seat to the left of Robbins as he looks at the #19 branded on the victim's upper arm.)
Nick: Branding.
Robbins: A brand is a kind of contract.
(Phillips takes a swab from the victim's right wrist.)
Nick: Tell that to a bull when he gets stuck on his rear with a hot iron.
Robbins: In that case, it signifies ownership. To a Maori tribesman, or a marine, it signifies belonging. (to Phillips) Did you get a liver temp?
David Phillips: Couldn't get an accurate reading. You want me to pull vitreous from the eye?
Robbins: Yeah. One eye is much more desiccated than the other.
Nick: Could be an infection.
Robbins: Take samples from both.
(Phillips sticks a needle in the victim's left eye to take a sample of the fluids inside as Nick watches.)
Robbins: The eye is sequestered space. Changes that happen in the blood after death happen more slowly in the vitreous. Could give us more accurate levels.
(Phillips gets a second needle and sticks it in the victim's right eye to get a sample. He pulls the needle and the entire eye pops out of the victim's eye socket.)
(Nick closes his eyes at the sight.)
(Phillips is at a loss as to what to do next.)
Phillips: Um ... Dr. Robbins ...
(Robbins turns around and looks at the eye.)
Robbins: The optic nerve's been severed.
Nick: (swallows hard) That kind of defeats the purpose of an eye transplant, doesn't it?
(David puts the eye aside.)
Robbins: An eye transplant's just the cornea; it's not the whole eye. David, check the other eye.
(David sticks his fingers in the left eye to see whether it comes out easily. It doesn't.)
Phillips: This one's still connected.
Robbins: Well, clip it. Nick, send both eyes to DNA.
(Nick raises his hand and looks away. He gets it.)
Nick: Yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB]
(Wendy Simms puts on a fresh pair of latex gloves. In the specimen containers in front of her are the two eyes taken from the victim.)
(She grabs the container with the right eye and opens it. She removes the eye and sticks a needle inside to get a sample of the fluid. She dispenses the fluid in a test tube.)
(She grabs the second container with the left eye and opens it. The label on the container reads:
LEFT EYE 427872-GG Date Found, Located or Developed; 2/6/06 ROUTE 17 ETV
Where this article was found: Removed from Victim #872 G. Grissom )
(She opens the container and takes a sample of the fluid with a needle. She empties the liquid into a test tube.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(Robbins is in the middle of his autopsy. He pulls out a metal bit from the victim's mouth. He looks at it, then puts it in a container. He tightens the container cover and puts it aside.)
(Grissom enters the room. He's putting his gloves on.)
Robbins: Pull up a chair. It's been a long, strange trip for this poor girl. I found puncture wounds around her glandular areas, from large-gauge needles commonly used to draw out fluids.
Grissom: Maybe she was undergoing some kind of medical treatment.
(Grissom picks up the container with the metal bits in it. He looks at it.)
Grissom: What's in this?
Robbins: I'm not sure. I found it in her teeth. Could be from her last meal. Also, another surprise: She had a D & C.
Grissom: Abortion?
Robbins: Well, maybe polyps, hyperplasia.
Grissom: Infection?
Robbins: And how. Starvation shrinks a lot of things, but not your organs.
(Robbins points to the victim's organs. Grissom leans forward to look.)
Grissom: They're all abscessed.
Robbins: Which explains why I couldn't find the liver. There's not much left.
Grissom: What, some kind of flesh-eating disease?
Robbins: (nods) Necrotizing faciitis. I've never seen anything like this.
(Quick CGI POV to: Camera zooms quickly toward an open wound on the arm and into the flesh inside. Green bits of bacteria eat the flesh inside.)
Robbins: (V.O.) Typically streptococcus enters through an open wound and starts eating through the skin, then uses the blood stream as a conduit to reach the internal organs.
(The bacteria flow through the bloodstream, pass through the walls and penetrates the organs.)
(Camera zooms, out focusing on the organs which quickly deteriorate.)
(End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
Robbins: In her case, the bacteria started in her blood stream. Means her skin is fine.
Grissom: Maybe the puncture wounds were used to put something in, rather than take something out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY TO DNA LAB -- DAY]
(On their way back to the DNA lab, Wendy Simms shares her findings with Sara.)
Wendy Simms: So Henry found oxycodone and chlorpromazine in both the right and left eye. Now, one kills pain and the other puts a lid on panic.
Sara: Chlorpromazine-- they give that to mental patients.
(They enter the DNA Lab.)
Wendy Simms: Yeah, but this gets so much weirder. Because that dead up eyeball -- it actually belongs to somebody else.
Sara: What?
Wendy Simms: See, the vitreous fluid from her eyeball showed that she'd only been dead for a day; but the DNA from the other eyeball, well, it was male, and it seems to have been separated from its owner for about a week. So, I ran it through CODIS. And the eyeball belonged to a Jack Landers, who is a convicted s*x offender.
Sara: Would sticking your eyeball in a woman's eye socket constitute a s*x offense?
Wendy Simms: Well, rape is legally defined as putting an unwanted foreign object into a genital opening. So sexual ... no ...
Sara: But offensive ... yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. STREET -- NIGHT]
(Brass and Sara walk with Parole Officer Ruben Caster.)
Ruben Caster: Look, guy got out of jail six weeks ago. A weenie wagger with two eyes. As a parolee, he has to check in with me once a month. Missed our last appointment, but before I could file the paperwork, he showed up here, across from his halfway house, thinking he's Captain Crunch.
(They stop. In front of them is Jack Landers, dressed like a bum, his back turned toward them. He's mumbling under his breath.)
Ruben Caster: They thought he was piped up on something, but his urine was clean and his high hasn't faded.
(He hands the folder to Sara to look at.)
Ruben Caster: Hey, Jack.
(Jack Landers turns to look at them. He's wearing an eye patch over his right eye.)
'CAPT' JACK LANDERS: Captain Jack to you. Ahoy, mateys.
Ruben Caster: Captain Jack, these people want to ask you some questions.
'CAPT' JACK LANDERS: (mumbles) Orphaned at the age of five. Stowed away on the Good Ship Lollipop. The sea ... is an evil mistress. Spit me out and fed me to the beast.
(He leans in close to Brass.)
'CAPT' JACK LANDERS: A puppet I am.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING]
[INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY/ EXAM ROOM -- NIGHT]
(Nick enters the hallway and finds Sara waiting for him.)
Nick: Hey, Sara, got your message. No AFIS hits on my Jane Doe. So I put a bulletin out to surrounding agencies and the media. Maybe somebody will recognize her from the photo. Where you at right now?
Sara: On the train to crazyville.
(They head for the exam room.)
Nick: Did you get a peek under the patch?
Sara: No, no, no. I left that for the doctor.
(They enter the exam room where the doctor is trying to check Jack, who is sitting on the bed.)
Dr. Mulligan: Jack, look this way.
(Jack mumbles loudly to himself.)
Dr. Mulligan: I need you to sit still for me.
'CAPT' JACK LANDERS: Where's my patch?
(The doctor lifts Jack's head and shines his penlight into Jack's right eye socket.)
Dr. Mulligan: Come on, look this way.
'CAPT' JACK LANDERS: (mumbles) Draw my sword ... make you walk the plank.
(Dr. Mulligan looks into Jack's eye socket and finds it empty.)
Dr. Mulligan: Jack, were you in an accident or a recent fight?
'CAPT' JACK LANDERS: Captain Jack don't do much recallin'.
Dr. Mulligan: Did he have an ocular tumor, or recent surgery?
Sara: I have no idea. He's a suspect in a murder investigation. Do you think he's crazy, or ... ?
(Dr. Mulligan picks up a patient robe for Jack.)
Dr. Mulligan: I think he's been lobotomized. (to Jack) Jack, I want you to undress and put this on for me. I want to do a CT scan to confirm, but in the '30s and '40s lobotomies were often done via the eye socket.
Nick: Right, right, but lobotomies -- they're not common practice today?
(Jack removes his shirt and we see the branding on his upper arm: 13.)
Dr. Mulligan: Hardly.
Sara: Nick ... take a look at his arm.
Nick: He's not a suspect; he's a victim.
(He looks at Sara.)
Nick: Jane Doe is #19.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE -- DAY]
(Brass is in his office.)
Brass: I know it's tough, but we're going to need you to identify the body.
(A woman sits in front of his desk. Her back is to us. She has long, dark hair.)
Lady Heather: Fine.
Brass: Someone from the coroner's office will get in touch with you.
(Around her neck, the woman wears a black and silver crucifix on a matching chain. She grabs it.)
Lady Heather: For reasons I think we both understand, I would appreciate some level of anonymity.
Brass: Sure, I'll do my best.
(The woman stands up. Still we see only her back.)
Lady Heather: Thank you, Captain Brass.
Brass: Thanks for coming in.
(The woman turns and heads for the door.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Lady Heather exits Brass' office.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(Grissom is in his office looking through a book. He has the page on eye-socket lobotomies tabbed. The picture in the book is graphic.)
(He turns the page to show two more photos of the procedure.)
Brass: (o.s.) The, uh ...
(Grissom looks up as Brass walks in his office.)
Brass: The Jane Doe is Zoe Kessler. Her mother saw her picture on the news and identified her as her estranged daughter. I did a DMV check, and I have the victim's last known address.
(Grissom puts the book down on his desk.)
Grissom: Good. I'll come with you.
Brass: There's something you should know. The mother's a friend of yours.
(Grissom takes his glasses off.)
Grissom: (distracted) Who's that?
Brass: Lady Heather.
(Surprised, Grissom looks straight at Brass.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[INT. ZOE'S APARTMENT -- DAY]
(Brass opens the apartment door.)
Brass: Apartment 106.
(Brass, Grissom and Catherine enter Zoe's apartment.)
Brass: The landlord was getting ready to evict her.
(Catherine snaps several photos of the mail on the floor behind the door. Grissom and Brass look around; Catherine picks up the mail to look through it. There's an officer posted in the hallway outside the door.)
(Grissom shines his flashlight through the closet and sees nothing but clothes on hangers and shoes on the floor. He moves over to the desk and looks at the book titles on her shelf.)
Grissom: Freud, Goethe ...
(He picks up a book and looks at the cover.)
Grissom: (surprised) Rilke ... in German. Briefe an einen jungen Dichter.
(Brass returns to the room.)
Brass: Nothing sounds good in German.
(Catherine continues to sort through the mail.)
Catherine: How did she get from Harvard to here?
Brass: Practice, practice, practice.
Grissom: How do you know she was at Harvard?
Catherine: Lady Heather told me. She was very proud of her.
(She finds the date of the mail from NOV 12 2005.)
Catherine: Well, it looks as though she hasn't checked her mail in ten weeks. The postmark dates back to November 12th.
Brass: She died yesterday. Where's she been all this time?
(Grissom sees a note reminder on the desk.)
Grissom: This looks like an appointment. "Betz, 11-12, 7:00 P.M."
(Grissom checks the answering machine.)
Answering Machine: First message:
Audrey: (from answering machine) Hi, this is Audrey at the Betz Clinic. We're just calling to see how you're feeling. Give us a call.
Answering Machine: Second message:
Audrey: (from answering machine) Hi, this is Audrey at the Betz Clinic. We didn't hear from you, and we have some follow-up questions about your tests. Please call us.
Answering Machine: Third message:
Woman 2 (citibank): (from answering machine) This is Citibank. We're trying to reach Zoe Kessler.
(Grissom opens the desk drawer.)
Catherine: Betz Clinic?
Brass: (sighs) Yeah. I'll check it out.
Woman 2 (citibank): (from answering machine) ... At 1-800-555-01 ...
(Grissom takes out a photo of a young, blonde-haired woman standing next to an older, dark-haired man with glasses. Grissom notices Zoe's eyes.)
Grissom: Heterochromia. It appears Zoe had one blue eye and one brown eye.
Brass: The pirate had one blue eye.
(He looks at the second photo of Zoe with Lady Heather.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(Lady Heather and Robbins stand aside the open morgue table with Zoe's body. There's an eerie moment of silence as Lady Heather stares at her daughter on the table.)
Lady Heather: What happened to her?
Robbins: We're trying to find out.
Lady Heather: May I touch her?
Robbins: Go ahead.
(She reaches out and gently places the palm of her hand against her daughter's cheek. She slowly runs her hand down her daughter's face to her shoulders to her upper arm. She finds the branding.)
Lady Heather: This required skill ... and the infliction of pain. Did you shave her head?
(She doesn't look at Robbins; her eyes are on her daughter.)
Robbins: No, she was found like this.
Lady Heather: Can you tell if she's ever given birth?
Robbins: There was some scarring on her pelvic bones, but given the condition of the body, it's hard to say for sure.
Lady Heather: She always wore her grandmother's ring on her right hand. (She looks at Robbins.) Did you find it?
(Robbins doesn't answer her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(Grissom waits outside the hallway, a file folder in his hands. Lady Heather exits the morgue and stops abruptly when she sees Grissom there.)
Grissom: Hi. I'm so sorry about your loss.
Lady Heather: But you need to ask me some questions.
Grissom: I'd like to know some things about your daughter. When was the last time you saw her?
Lady Heather: She dropped out of school about a year ago. I didn't even know she was in town.
Grissom: So you weren't in contact with her?
Lady Heather: No.
Grissom: Can you tell me why?
Lady Heather: What difference does it make now?
Grissom: Did she have any medical conditions?
Lady Heather: Not that I know of.
Grissom: Because in November, she participated in a medical study at the Betz Clinic. Right after that, she went missing.
Lady Heather: Where was she found?
Grissom: In the desert.
Lady Heather: Just out in the middle of nowhere?
Grissom: Off highway 55, near Sparks.
(She's quiet. A grim look of determination crosses her face.)
Lady Heather: I have to go.
(Lady Heather brushes past Grissom and leaves. He turns around and watches her go.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. BETZ PHARMACEUTICAL -- DAY]
(The receptionist is busy answering the phones.)
Receptionist: Betz Pharmaceutical. Can you hold, please? Betz Pharmaceutical. Can you hold, please? Thank you. Betz Pharmaceutical. Can I help you? He's on the line right now. May I take a message? And your phone number?
(Dr. Jacob Wolfowitz walks out behind the reception area. He walks over to Catherine and Greg. He hands Catherine the file folder.)
Jacob Wolfowitz: Here are the files on Zoe Kessler that you asked for in the warrant along with a list of everyone who was here on November 12th.
Catherine: Including the employees?
Jacob Wolfowitz: Yeah. The nighttime staff's pretty minimal. I was supervising that night.
Greg: What brought Zoe in?
Jacob Wolfowitz: Chronic insomnia. She came in for an overnight sleep study but left early.
Greg: Was there a problem?
Jacob Wolfowitz: No. Some people just get freaked out spending a night in a strange place. Happens all the time.
Catherine: We'll need to see those testing rooms.
(They turn and head to the back.)
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
[INT. BETZ PHARMACEUTICAL - TESTING ROOM HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Catherine peers into the small window in the door of a testing room. Inside, it appears to be like a normal bedroom - a single bed and night table with lamp.)
Jacob Wolfowitz: As you can see, we try to make the facility as normal as possible.
Greg: Put a TV in there, it wouldn't be half bad.
Jacob Wolfowitz: But that would defeat the purpose. We can't have anything in there that would reveal the actual time.
Catherine: How do you monitor your patients?
Jacob Wolfowitz: Our monitoring process is twofold.
(He walks down the hallway.)
Jacob Wolfowitz: Electrodes measure EKG and REM sleep, and we have a vid cam in the room to help insure the patients actually stay in bed.
Greg: You worried about hanky-panky?
Jacob Wolfowitz: Sleepwalking. After the meds are distributed, we ask that the patients assume a sleep-ready position. Many people assume they have insomnia simply because they don't get in bed.
Catherine: What is your screening process?
Jacob Wolfowitz: It's intensive. There's a written application, a personal interview, physical exam. We only take people in the normal range. You'd be surprised how many people just want a pharmaceutical lullaby these days.
Catherine: No, I wouldn't.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(Greg reports back to Grissom.)
Greg: This clinic is like Hotel California: You can check in any time you like, but you might never leave. Zoe Kessler and Captain Jack were part of the same sleep study.
Grissom: How many other people in the sleep study?
Greg: A dozen. I have called all of them on the list. They're intact, and none of them are numbered.
Grissom: Zoe's car was found at an impound lot downtown. It was towed from Betz's parking lot on November 15th.
Greg: Wolfowitz said Zoe left in the middle of the night on the 13th.
Grissom: With Captain Jack?
Greg: I don't know, but according to their records, he also left early.
Grissom: "Left early" seems to be a euphemism.
(Grissom and Greg continue down the hallway past the DNA Lab. Camera stops in the DNA Lab.)
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Wendy Simms reports her findings to Nick.)
Wendy Simms: I got the results for the sinew in the girl's teeth, and in this case, the hand that feeds ... was her own.
(She hands the file folder results to Nick.)
Nick: She chewed off her own hand?
Wendy Simms: Yeah. Now, I don't know about you, but I would rather die of starvation than to eat my own hand.
Nick: Animals in traps do it all the time.
Wendy Simms: You think she was trapped?
Nick: Like a rat.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DESERT (STOCK) - DAY]
[EXT. DESERT (OFF HIGHWAY 55, NEAR SPARKS) - DAY]
(Warrick and Nick walk down the unpaved road. They're each carrying their own camera.)
Warrick: A hand in the desert is worth two in the bush.
Nick: Right now, the hand's all we have to go on.
Warrick: Okay, "Grissom". Come on. What are we doing here? What are the odds that this hand is not being eaten right now by a coyote?
(The guys walk up to a group of cadets already there waiting for them.)
Nick: Hey, look, the condition she was in, she couldn't have gotten very far. Maybe if we find the hand, we find the torture chamber.
Warrick: Torture chamber?
(Nick turns to address the group of cadets.)
Nick: All right, everybody gather around. Let me have your attention. We're going to proceed forward covering the immediate area bordering the road to the south, the rocks to the west and the dry creek bed to the east.
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
[EXT. DESERT (OFF HIGHWAY 55, NEAR SPARKS) - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(The group of cadets are spread out and searching the ground for the missing right hand.)
(Warrick and Nick watch from behind.)
(Dissolve to: Warrick and Nick proceed down the unpaved road.)
(Cut to: Cadets carrying a metal detector search the grounds. Other cadets walk around the area, looking down at the ground.)
[EXT. DESERT (OFF HIGHWAY 55, NEAR SPARKS) - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(Warrick and Nick continue down the unpaved road toward the top of the hill.)
(They look down the hill below and find the rooftop of a residence.)
[EXT. DESERT (OFF HIGHWAY 55, NEAR SPARKS) - RESIDENCE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(Warrick and Nick reach the bottom of the hill as they make their way to the residence. As they approach, we hear flies buzzing.)
(Nick stops Warrick.)
Nick: Woah, you smell decomp?
Warrick: I do.
(They both reach for their guns as they approach the house. Nick puts his camera down on the ground.)
(On the side is a large pile of dirt with a lot of flies buzzing around it.)
(Nick stops in front of the large pile of dirt and looks at it. Warrick stops and looks at Nick.)
Warrick: You think the hand is in that pile?
Nick: Maybe. Let's get a sample.
(Nick reaches out and grabs a handful of dirt from the pile and smells it. He doesn't react to the smell.)
(Warrick approaches the garage and moves closer to some potted plants.)
Warrick: Whoo!
(He leans forward and smells the potted plants.)
Warrick: Whew! The smell's coming from these plants.
(He reaches out and reads the tag on the plant: Titan Arum, "Corpse Flower".)
Warrick: "Amorphophallus titanum, corpse flower." Now who's going to have a plant that smells like decomposing flesh?
Nick: Somebody who's trying to cover up the real deal.
(They head into the garage. In the front of the garage, there are tables with various plants on it.)
Nick: (calls out) LVPD!
Warrick: You smell a warrant?
(In the back of the garage, there is a large storage freezer.)
Nick: We can look, but not touch.
Warrick: I'm in if you're in.
(Nick smiles.)
Nick: All right, here's the real catch-22. If we open it up, find something probative, we can't use it. But we can't find something probative ...
Warrick: ... unless we got the warrant to open it.
Nick: Yeah.
Warrick: That's funny. You don't strike me as the delayed gratification type.
Nick: I'm not. Grissom is.
(Warrick turns away from the freezer and continues looking around the garage.)
Warrick: Right. There are some freaky-looking plants in here.
Nick: Yeah, it's all about genetic modification.
Warrick: Well, if this is where they genetically modify the plants, there's got to be a house around here somewhere.
(Warrick and Nick leave the garage and head toward the main house.)
(They approach the front door. They pick up a delivery package on the box and look at the delivery label that reads:
Resident's Name: Jacob Wolfowitz
Phone: 702-555-0166
Company: Betz Pharmaceutical
Address: 5 Diablo Rock Dr.
City: Las Vegas State: NV Zip: 89170 )
Warrick: "Jacob Wolfowitz."
Nick: Isn't that the same guy from the Betz Clinic?
Warrick: Yeah.
(They hear something clanging from inside the house. Warrick puts the box down. They each have their guns in their hands.)
Nick: (shouts) Mr. Wolfowitz?
(Warrick moves to the side of the front door.)
Nick: Mr. Wolfowitz, come out of there now. We're from the Crime Lab. We need to speak with you.
Warrick: We can hear you, sir. Just open the door.
(The front door opens. It's Lady Heather.)
(Warrick removes his glasses. Nick looks surprised.)
Lady Heather: He's not home.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- EVENING]
(Grissom talks with Lady Heather.)
Grissom: Are you and Mr. Wolfowitz acquainted?
Lady Heather: No.
Grissom: Why were you at his house?
Lady Heather: Breaking and entering.
Grissom: Is that why we found this etching in your handbag? You were stealing it?
(He shows her the page from the book.)
Lady Heather: Yes.
Grissom: Why?
Lady Heather: Multiple reasons.
Grissom: Which are?
Lady Heather: You told me Zoe was having tests done at Betz. I found out who oversaw the tests -- Mr. Wolfowitz. He lives close to where you found Zoe. If I'm caught stealing, he may want the police to investigate.
INTERCUT WITH:
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE -- EVENING]
(Brass interviews Jacob Wolfowitz.)
Brass: We know the woman who broke into your house, and you don't want to press charges?
Jacob Wolfowitz: She's clearly disturbed. She just lost her daughter, and I was one of the last people to see Zoe Kessler alive. I'm sure she was just looking for a connection.
Brass: You don't want us to look around, see if anything else was stolen?
Jacob Wolfowitz: I live pretty simply. I don't have anything worth taking. But I appreciate your concern.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- EVENING]
(Grissom continues to talk with Lady Heather.)
Grissom: However, if he refuses to press charges ...
Lady Heather: I'd have to ask myself what kind of person would do that.
Grissom: Someone with something to hide.
Lady Heather: Precisely.
(He nods.)
Grissom: Why, uh, steal this?
Lady Heather: It's one of the earliest illustrations of the Romulus and Remus myth. It's printed from a plate. Must be worth thousands.
Grissom: So?
Lady Heather: Well, it looks like a page from a book. I find that people who don't respect books have a general disregard for keeping things whole.
Grissom: So you think he stole it?
Lady Heather: I think a pencil pusher in a pharmaceutical lab couldn't afford it.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE -- EVENING]
(Brass continues to talk with Jacob Wolfowitz. )
Brass: How long have you worked at Betz?
Jacob Wolfowitz: Eighteen ... 18 years.
Brass: Eighteen years. Oh. But that's a long way from your home to your office, isn't it?
Jacob Wolfowitz: I like the solitude and, uh, space for my plants.
(Brass stares at Jacob Wolfowitz.)
Jacob Wolfowitz: Did I do something wrong, Captain?
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- EVENING]
Grissom: Even if all this is true, we still don't know if he killed your daughter.
Lady Heather: Too many coincidences.
Grissom: You have to stay away from him.
Lady Heather: You forfeited the right to give me advice some time ago. But thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - EVENING]
(Lady Heather leaves the interview room and is escorted out by an officer. As she passes Brass' office, she notices that Jacob Wolfowitz is there.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - QD -- EVENING]
(Professor Rambar examines the Romulus and Remus print. He shares his findings with Grissom.)
Professor Rambar: Ah, I believe this is authentic. Iron-gall ink from the 16th century tends to turn a brownish color. Especially when it's been sitting around for a few centuries.
(He hands the magnifying glass to Grissom, who looks at the print.)
Professor Rambar: See how the ink bites into the parchment of the page.
Grissom: Is that an acidic compound?
Professor Rambar: Gall inks are often made with wine or vinegar. Recipes were specific to the manuscript illuminator.
Grissom: So it is from a manuscript? (Grissom continues to look at the print.) The edge appears fairly pristine. How could he remove it from the book so cleanly?
Professor Rambar: My guess? Classic spit and string.
(Quick flash of: [UNLV -- LIBRARY] Jacob Wolfowitz glances around to see that no one's watching. He opens the book to the page he wants. He moves a long piece of string from his mouth and lines at the binding on the page.)
Professor Rambar: You use saliva. It's absorbed into the fabric of the paper and softens its fibers.
(He closes the book on the string, then gently pulls the page out from the binding of the book.)
(End of flash. Resume to present.)
(Grissom takes a swab and swabs the edge of the print page.)
Grissom: Even if this tests positive for DNA, I'm gonna need the book to match it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- NIGHT]
(Catherine and Greg review the video tapes from the sleep sessions. On the monitor, we see Zoe Kessler sleeping in bed.)
Catherine: Here's Zoe Kessler at the start of her session.
(The time on the bottom of the monitor of the tape with Zoe sleeping reads:
Catherine: And here she is at hour number four.
(Catherine presses the remote and the time on the bottom of the monitor jumps ahead: 04:02:41.)
Greg: Well, she doesn't look freaked out. Looks like she's sleeping like a baby.
Catherine: Except ... check it out.
(On the monitor, Zoe gets out of bed.)
Greg: Okay, so she gets up ... gets out.
Catherine: Look at the bottom right hand corner.
(Catherine rewinds the tape and pauses it at 04:03:04:14. On the bottom right hand corner of the monitor, through the shadow of the light from the window in the doorway, there's the shadow of someone standing there.)
Catherine: See that shadow? Somebody opened the door.
(The shadow moves and leaves.)
Greg: Well, she didn't just pop out of bed, she was woken up by someone. How much you want to bet that's Wolfowitz in the doorway?
(Catherine changes tapes and shows Jack Landers' sleep room.)
Catherine: Here's Jack Landers.
(Jack Landers gets up and out of bed.)
Greg: A trip to the bathroom, maybe?
Catherine: Except he never returned. Wolfowitz works at the clinic. He has access to both victims. One victim was found less than mile from his house, which smells like human decomp.
(Grissom steps into the lab holding the book in his hand.)
Catherine: How do we get to him?
Grissom: Rambar checked the rare book collections. This guy likes to steal in his own backyard. UNLV library is missing plate 62. It's enough for us to get a warrant.
(Catherine smiles.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. BETZ PHARMACEUTICALS - GARAGE -- NIGHT]
(Grissom steps out of the garage elevator, his kit in his hand. We can see that officer car lights are flashing and we hear background police radio chatter off screen. Something is going on.)
(Grissom walks past an officer, who is listening to a woman talk.)
Receptionist: I left him a couple of messages at home. And when I left for the day, I just saw him like this.
(Grissom walks toward Brass, who is leaning against the car in question. David Phillips is looking at the body inside the car.)
(Grissom leans forward and sees that the dead body is Jacob Wolfowitz.)
Grissom: I guess I didn't need a warrant.
(Grissom uses his flashlight and looks around the body and driver's area.)
Grissom: No signs of trauma or blood.
Brass: The seat's wet.
(Grissom sees that the body is dripping onto the car seat.)
Grissom: He's wet.
(He notes that the chair back is also filled with condensation, the body stiff.)
Grissom: Looks like he's in rigor, which means he's been dead for at least six hours.
Brass: You mean this guy's been down here in the parking lot dead all that time and no one noticed? That's weird.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(Robbins starts the Y-incision on the body as he cuts through the skin with a knife.)
(Cut to: Robbins pulls the skin apart to expose the front.)
(Robbins reaches for the handsaw. He turns the saw on and cuts through the rib cage.)
(Finished, he turns the saw off and puts it aside. He grunts as he cracks the rib cage open.)
(He picks up a scalpel and tries to cut through one of the inner organs.)
(The scalpel snaps. Robbins lifts the scalpel up and we see that the tip has broken off.)
(Grissom enters the room.)
Grissom: Still frozen?
Robbins: I'm not gonna be able to determine COD until he's completely defrosted, and that could take a while.
Grissom: How long does it take to freeze an entire body?
Robbins: To the core? Two solid days. His heart's completely frozen. Before the Y, I found bruises and puncture wounds all over his body.
Grissom: Over the glands, too?
Robbins: Yep. Same as Zoe. So is this.
(Robbins rolls the body to show Grissom the branding on the victim's upper left arm: 1.)
Grissom: Test subject #1.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]
(Grissom and Catherine walk through the hallway.)
Catherine: Gil, I saw him. Yesterday. He wasn't frozen. I mean, maybe he knew too much, and someone at Betz sensed that we were getting to close and ...
Grissom: So what? They dunked him in liquid nitrogen? Cryogenically froze him?
Catherine: Well, I know what I saw.
Grissom: You've got to find some explanation.
Catherine: I'm on it.
(Catherine turns and heads out the door. Grissom walks down the opposite hallway.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GARAGE (LEVEL 5) -- DAY]
(The elevator bell dings and the doors open. Grissom exits and heads for his car. He stops when he sees Lady Heather waiting for him.)
Grissom: What are you doing here?
Lady Heather: I think I might be able to help you.
Grissom: I'm listening.
Lady Heather: You would have liked Zoe. She was a lot like you. Thoughtful, pragmatic, patient. She was studying psychology. I appreciate that it would have been difficult to have someone like me as a mother. But if I stressed anything, it was empowerment and independence. So when she called me from Boston last year to tell me that she was pregnant with her therapist's baby, I got angry. Not with her, with him. He violated an oath. Not only was he married, she was a patient. A junior in college with her whole life in front of her.
Grissom: And you didn't want him to screw it up.
Lady Heather: (nods) I called the AMA, filed a complaint. They revoked his license. Zoe stopped speaking to me.
Grissom: Did she have her baby?
Lady Heather: Your coroner couldn't confirm. I assumed you might need a DNA sample from Mr. Wolfowitz.
(She reaches into her bag and takes out a rolled ziplog baggie. She gives the baggie to Grissom.)
(He looks at the used condom inside.)
Grissom: How did you get this?
Lady Heather: The rage was stronger than the repulsion. People have used s*x for much less worthy causes.
Grissom: When did you ...
Lady Heather: Last night. You may not approve, Grissom, but you can't arrest me for sleeping with him. He was consenting. I am playing by your rules. But if I had it my way, this man would die the same way, my daughter died.
Grissom: He's already dead.
Lady Heather: What?
Grissom: He's been dead for two days.
Lady Heather: That's not possible.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY]
(Catherine sits in Jacob Wolfowitz's car and dusts the driver's steering wheel.)
INTERCUT WITH:
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB]
(Wendy Simms processes the condom. She takes a swab from inside the condom.)
(In the garage, Catherine takes a tape lift from a print on the steering wheel.)
(Wendy Simms snips the end of the swab. She adds it to a container and adds some solution to it.)
(Catherine takes a tape lift and sticks it on the rear view mirror.)
(Wendy Simms adds solution to the container, caps it and places it in the machine. She caps the machine and turns it on.)
(Catherine looks around the driver's seat area in the car. She finds a pill stuck in the passenger seat folds.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB]
(Wendy Simms reports her findings to Grissom.)
Wendy Simms: The dirt from outside the barn tested positive for human DNA. And I mean a lot of it, over a dozen profiles. And one of them matched Zoe Kessler.
(She hands the print out to Grissom, who looks at it.)
Grissom: Her hand.
Wendy Simms: And although chain of custody is a bit problematic, 'cause a plastic lunch bag isn't department issue bindle, the DNA from the condom, it matches both the saliva from the book page and the dead guy, Jacob Wolfowitz.
(She hands those results to Grissom.)
Grissom: Thanks.
Wendy Simms: I have a question. How do you have s*x with a guy who killed your daughter?
Grissom: Revenge is an act of passion.
(Grissom shakes his head, turns and leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- CONTINUOUS]
(Grissom takes the results and walks through the hallway to the lab to join Catherine, who reports her findings.)
Catherine: So, none of the fingerprints from the car belong to Jacob Wolfowitz. They're all a match to a Leon Sneller.
Grissom: Who?
(On the monitor are the MATCH RESULTS:
NAME: LEON SNELLER
DOB: 02.16.1964
AGE: 42
HEIGHT: 5'10"
WEIGHT: 167 LBS
EYES: HAZEL
RACE: CAUCASIAN
s*x: MALE
HAIR: BROWN
WORK HISTORY
ENLISTED IN THE ARMY (JUNE, 1985)
STATIONED IN BERLIN
FIELD HOSPITAL WORK (SEPT 1985 - 2005)
CRIMINAL HISTORY: NONE )
(She indicates the photo on file.)
Catherine: That's John Sneller.
Grissom: Looks like Wolfowitz, only younger.
Catherine: Which explains how I saw and how Lady Heather ... did a dead guy.
Grissom: Identical twins.
Catherine: I thought that she killed him, too. I would've. I mean, I wouldn't have slept with him first, but ...
Grissom: Same DNA, different prints. So all the DNA that we attributed to Wolfowitz, could be Sneller's.
Catherine: Which makes you wonder who's on the autopsy table. Sneller joined the army in 1985. He was stationed at a field hospital near Berlin until about a year ago.
(Quick flashback to: [WOLFOWITZ'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT] Sneller knocks on the door. The door opens. Wolfowitz and Sneller look at each other.)
Catherine: (V.O.) At which point, I think that he came to Vegas, ...
(Cut to: Sneller puts Wolfowitz's dead body in the large freezer chest in the garage and closes it.)
Catherine: (V.O.) ... put his brother on ice, started impersonating him.
(Cut to: [BETZ PHARMACEUTICALS - DAY] Sneller walks into the Betz Pharmaceuticals lobby past the receptionist.)
Receptionist: Good morning, Mr. Wolfowitz.
Sneller (as Wolfowitz): (mumbles) Good morning.
(End of flash. Resume to present.)
Catherine: I mean, I know this theory's a little out there, but given the evidence ... it's the only conclusion that makes any sense.
Grissom: Occam's razor, principle of parsimony. If you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras.
Catherine: Given twins ... go with twins.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. WOLFOWITZ RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR -- NIGHT]
(Officers line up next to the front door ready to burst in. Brass, Catherine and Grissom trail behind. The first officer smashes the door in. He quickly moves to the side as the other officers rush in, their guns raised.)
[INT. WOLFOWITZ RESIDENCE - MAIN ROOM -- NIGHT]
(The officers burst into the residence to clear the place.)
[EXT. WOLFOWITZ RESIDENCE - FRONT DOOR -- NIGHT]
(Officer Metcalf steps out of the house.
Officer Metcalf: Everything is code four.
(Brass, Catherine and Grissom enter the residence.)
[INT. WOLFOWITZ RESIDENCE - MAIN ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(They look around the place.)
Grissom: Well, this isn't a torture chamber, it's a time capsule.
Brass: Wolfowitz inherited this place from his parents. Took over the deed about ten years ago.
Catherine: Love what he's done with the place.
(Catherine picks up the prescription bottle on the table and looks at the pills inside.)
Catherine: I found a blue pill in the car. Tox came back, didn't match any known pharmaceutical.
Brass: Sampling the company candy.
(Grissom looks around at the far end of the living room.)
(Catherine walks over to the hutch and opens the drawer. Inside she finds a silver menorah.)
(Grissom turns and heads back across the living room. As he crosses, he comes to a place in the center of the room where the floor creaks.)
(Grissom stops.)
(He looks down and bounces up and down on the creaky floorboards.)
(Catherine removes the menorah from the hutch drawer.)
Catherine: Shabbat shalom.
Brass: Jewish?
(Grissom continues to bounce up and down on the creaky floorboards. He turns around in a complete circle, the floorboards creaking under him.)
(He steps aside and lifts the throw carpet. Under it, he finds a trap door.)
Grissom: Well.
(Catherine and Brass join him.)
(He opens the trap door and they find a flight of stairs leading downward to a door at the bottom.)
[INT. WOLFOWITZ RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(Brass opens the door, his gun raised and his flashlight in hand. He steps into the room. Grissom and Catherine follow him.)
(Inside this secret room is what appears to be a lab. There are barred open windows at the top of the room, shelves with books, and experiment apparatus.)
(On the counter is what appears to be an organ on a foiled plate under a glass dome. The organ has black spots and gray pus on it.)
(There are anatomy posters of the human brain and other body parts on the wall and large archaic looking machines in the corner.)
(On the other counters are more glass tubes, apparatus and sketched notes. There are large petri dishes with appendages in them.)
(Brass walks into the room and sees the machines, scalpels, hand saws and other surgical instruments.)
(Grissom walks up to the desk and finds large journals open to sketches and notes.)
Grissom: It appears he was meticulously documenting experiments. This one looks like it deals with craniometry. I think he was measuring skulls to determine intelligence.
(Catherine walks up to one of the machines.)
Catherine: I think this is a gynecological device from a hundred years ago.
(On the wall, Grissom finds a Nazi swastika and eagle on a plaque with words on the top.)
Grissom: (reads) "Arbeit macht frei." (interprets) Work will set you free. These words hung over the gates at Auschwitz.
Catherine: Zoe Kessler would've made the perfect uber-woman except for her one brown eye.
(Brass reaches out and picks up the hand saw from the tray of surgical instruments.)
Brass: So I guess, uh, what nature couldn't fix, our Dr. Mengele could, is that it?
(Catherine notes the clock on the nearby wall. It has no numbers on it.)
Catherine: Hey, check out the face of the clock.
(Grissom and Brass step closer to look at the clock.)
Grissom: No numbers.
(In the eerie silence, they hear faint groaning.)
(Grissom and Brass look at each other. They both step forward to examine the clock.)
(The groaning continues.)
(They push the clock aside to reveal an open door into a small hidden room. In the center of the room, a bald, naked man is lying unconscious on the floor. He appears to be naked and a blanket barely covers his backside.)
(Grissom, Brass and Catherine enter the small chamber to check on the man.)
(Catherine kneels in front of the man as Grissom walks around to his other side.)
Catherine: (softly) Sir ...
(The number branded in the man's upper arm is 21. Catherine reaches out to put her hand on the side of the man's face.)
(Grissom looks at the blood-spattered sheet barely covering the man and lifts it.)
(He finds a second body horrifically attached back-to-back to the first body.)
(Catherine's eyes widen at the sight.)
Brass: I'll call a paramedic.
(Brass quickly leaves the room.)
(Grissom checks for a pulse on the second body and doesn't find any.)
Grissom: This one's dead.
(Catherine looks down at the first body. The man's eyes are open and looking back at her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[INT. HOSPITAL - NURSE'S STATION - NIGHT]
(Catherine talks with the nurse.)
Catherine: Massive blood loss was the cause of death.
(The nurse behind the counter nods.)
(Nick walks up to Catherine.)
Nick: Hey, Catherine.
(Catherine turns around as Nick fills her in.)
Nick: So Brass has put the lockdown on the airport, bus depot and train station. But so far, no Sneller.
Catherine: Well, the other twin didn't make it.
Nick: Well, speaking of twin we got a call from Social Services. Sneller was their birth name. But they were adopted by a Jewish couple named Wolfowitz.
Catherine: That explains Judaica. I guess Jacob went nurture and Leon went nature.
Nick: Maybe he went Nazi, trying to kill the Jewish half of himself.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DESERT (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[INT. WOLFOWITZ RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - NIGHT]
(Grissom settles at the desk and puts his glasses on, the open journals in front of him.)
(He flips through the pages, reading through the notes.)
Leon Sneller: (V.O.) "Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle, do not deserve to live."
(The quote is signed. A.H. (193- )
(Grissom continues to look through the journal.)
Leon Sneller: (V.O.) "The only difference between my research and that of the government is funding. See: Tuskegee, US Naval Hospital. See: Pesticide testing done by U.S. Government."
(Grissom stops and looks at the sketches and notes on the experiments done on the human brain.)
(The notes read: Comments: Physically pure - Solution: Frontal lobotomy
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The notes read: Patient No. 19 Zoe Susan Kessler 21 year old white female Daughter of Heather Father unknown Birth mother of infant - Born August 3, 200-
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The notes read: Comments: Physically pure Exception of right
Solution: Dye injections Eye transplant
(Grissom snaps photos of the chamber. There's a metal pipe running across the lower half of the wall with several handcuffs hanging in intervals along the pipe. Some of the handcuffs are open; some are still closed.)
(Grissom turns and looks at the set-up inside the room. He visualizes Zoe kneeling on the ground, her right wrist handcuffed to the pipe. The visualization ends.)
(Grissom stops taking photos. He leans forward and takes a step closer toward the pipe. He visualizes Zoe handcuffed to the pipe. Zoe turns and looks out the open door. She sees Jack Landers on the table face-up and Leon Sneller above him. Landers screams.)
(Beyond scared, Zoe looks at her bound wrist, then makes a decision as she starts gnawing at her own wrist near the handcuff to get herself free.)
(White flash to end of visualization. Resume to present.)
(Grissom turns his attention to the other side of the small chamber where he finds the branding iron with interchangeable number plates next to a metal pit with charcoal and burnt wood chips inside.)
(Grissom picks up one of the iron rods and looks at the numbered tip. Burned flesh is stuck to the end of the rod.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. WOLFOWITZ RESIDENCE - MAIN ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(Grissom climbs up the stairs out of the basement and into the main part of the house. Officer Metcalf waits in the living room. Grissom unlatches the trap door and closes it.)
(From his position close to the ground, he sees a familiar item under the far couch.)
(He shines his flashlight on it and walks over to see what it is.)
(Grissom picks up Lady Heather's black and silver cross.)
Grissom: Have you guys secured the entire perimeter? The house and the barn?
Officer Metcalf: Yes, sir. All clear.
(He looks at the cross.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CAR (MOVING) -- NIGHT]
(Grissom drives, the car speeding down the road. He hurries to get back to the spot where they found Zoe's body.)
(He drives past the sign for, SPARKS 2.)
(He continues to drive.)
(Off the side of the highway, he sees Lady Heather standing in front of her SUV, the lights from her vehicle shining on her as she moves her arm in wide arcs.)
[EXT. DESERT (OFF HIGHWAY 55, NEAR SPARKS) - NIGHT]
(Grissom takes the turn onto the dirty road and drives toward Lady Heather's car.)
(In the spot where her daughter's body was found, Lady Heather unleashes her rage and grief on Leon Sneller. Sneller is bound to the front of her car as she whips him. His face and chest are cut and bloodied. He cries out with pain at every crack of her whip.)
(Behind her, Grissom parks and gets out of his car.)
(Lady Heather doesn't let up.)
Grissom: (shouts) Heather! Stop it!
Lady Heather: No. Let me finish.
(Beyond reasoning and out of control, she continues to whip Sneller. She pulls her whip back to continue, but Grissom steps forward and catches the end of the whip.)
(She whirls around and tugs her whip, trying to get it out from Grissom's grasp.)
Grissom: (shouts) You cannot do this!
Lady Heather: No! Let go! Let ... !
Grissom: No!
Lady Heather: (begs) Please ...
(The whip between them, she continues to struggle to get it free from his grasp.)
Grissom: Stop. (firmly) Heather.
Lady Heather: (begging) Please ...
Grissom: I'm saying stop.
(Lady Heather stops and looks at Grissom. She gasps deep, heaving sobs. Grissom pulls the whip closer, bringing him closer to her.)
(Dissolving into tears, Heather cries as Grissom holds her.) | Plan: A: A half-naked woman; Q: What is found half buried in the desert? A: a branding; Q: What is on the arm of the half-naked woman found in the desert? A: her right hand; Q: What is missing from the woman? A: Lady Heather 's; Q: Whose estranged daughter is the woman found in the desert? A: the woman; Q: Who was a victim of an experiment and starved to death? A: The team; Q: Who investigates the Betz Clinic? A: a sleep therapy session; Q: What did the woman undergo at the Betz Clinic? A: her insomnia; Q: Why did the woman undergo sleep therapy? Summary: A half-naked woman is found half buried in the desert with a branding on her arm. She has no hair and is missing her right hand. The woman turns out to be Lady Heather 's estranged daughter. The autopsy reveals that the woman was a victim of an experiment and starved to death. The team investigates the Betz Clinic where the deceased underwent a sleep therapy session for her insomnia. |
MEREDITH: At some point during surgical residency, most interns get a sense of who they are as doctors, and the kind of surgeons they're going to become If you ask them they'll tell you. They're going to be General surgeons. Orthopedic surgeons. Neurosurgeons. Distinctions that do more than describe their areas of expertise. They help define who they are. Because Outside the operating room, not only do most surgeons have no clue who they are, they're afraid to find out.
(Everyone gets ready for the day in the locker room, and Meredith, looking very sickly, swallows down a big gulp of Pepto. )
BURKE: Time me.
CHRISTINA: I've been timing you.
BURKE: My last time was off by 6 seconds.
CHRISTINA: Well it's not about speed, it's about accuracy. And your sutures are fine.
BURKE: My sutures are textbook. The edges are perfectly aligned.
CHRISTINA: You're ready.
BURKE: I need more chickens.
CHRISTINA: No more chickens. It's bad enough that Meredith is dating a vet, I'm not dating a chicken surgeon. Stop second guessing. it's not like you. Your hand is fine and Shepherd will clear you for surgery.
(Burke looks to his hand which is trembling)
BURKE: Christina?
CHRISTINA: Yeah baby?
BURKE: Nothing.
CHRISTINA: Okay.
GEORGE: So Izzie left the house this morning. That's a good sign.
ALEX: Yeah.
GEORGE: Are you okay?
MEREDITH: I'm just... not feeling like myself.
ALEX: O'Malley has that effect on Women. Ask Dr. Torres.
GEORGE: What's that supposed to mean?
ALEX: You threw her out on her ass.
GEORGE: I did not. Who told you that?
ALEX: Torres. Don't worry. I get it. She's hot... but she's not for you.
GEORGE: Why is that?
ALEX: Cause she's hot.
[SCENE_BREAK]
GEORGE: Callie!
CALLIE: Hmmm
GEORGE: Come on, Wait. Before you start yelling...you were right. I should have told you about how I felt about you moving in. Not that you were moving in. Its just.. I'm not good at the whole talking about feelings thing.
CALLIE: I bet you told Meredith how you felt though, didn't you? And Izzie? You don't seem to have any trouble talking to them George, but me?
BAILEY: Let's go people. I've been in surgery since 2 AM. I'm in no mood.
MEREDITH: George...
George (as he's walking away) I miss you...
(He runs off to join the group)
CHRISTINA: No cutting... No cutting!
ALEX: Yang you're late.
CHRISTINA: Hey I got here before George.
GEORGE: I'm here! I was here!
BAILEY: Nice of you to join us Yang.
CHRISTINA: Oh what are you smiling about? Arent you supposed to be on the Gynie Brigade
ALEX: Yeah, whatever.
CHRISTINA: (to Meredith's pained expression and hand on her stomach) Woman troubles?
MEREDITH: Men troubles. I think this dating two guys thing is getting to me. The stress of it. Finn, Derek. Derek, Finn. I think I'm getting an ulcer.
CHRISTINA: McDreamie and the vet are making you sick?
MEREDITH: I just need to make a choice and get it over with.
[SCENE_BREAK]
GEORGE: Shawn Sullivan. 62. Had minimally invasive bypass surgery two days ago to remove a blockage from his LAD.
MR. SULLIVAN: I'm all better now, thank you George. So what do you think Miranda? Can I stop being a burden to you good people and go home?
MRS. SULLIVAN: You need to stop interrupting the Doctors Shawn. You need to listen to what they say.
MR. SULLIVAN: I need to get back to the dealership. They're going to can me if I'm gone to long.
MRS. SULLIVAN: They can't can you sweetie, you're the best salesman they've got.
BAILEY: What do you sell?
MR. SULLIVAN: Cars.
MRS. SULLIVAN: My Shawnie could sell...anything.
BAILEY: I believe he can. What he can't sell me on is going back to work before he gets his oxygen levels up. So put that oxygen back on Mr. Sullivan before I even think about letting you out of here. And if I do, I want your word: nothing fried, no alcohol and no cigarettes.
MR. SULLIVAN: Oh you're tough Miranda.
BAILEY: I need your word Mr. Sullivan or I'm not going to sign those discharge paper.
MR. SULLIVAN: I give you my word.
BAILEY: Alright then. Mrs. Sullivan you need to go to the front desk to fill out some paper work. Maybe you can take your husband home.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ADDISON: How we doing guys?
ALEX: She's at 8cm. But the baby's still at minus 3 station.
Husband: So what do we do? Pattern breathing? Squatting?
ALEX: Dude... Squatting?
ADDISON: Dr. Karev, how do we normally proceed in a situation like this?
ALEX: We monitor the baby's progress, If the descent stops entirely during active labour, then we perform a c-section.
WIFE: Not on me you don't. I'm sorry Dr Karev, but Jeff and I have a natural birth plan. And Dr. Montomery promised us...
ADDISON: I promised we would do what we can. But if your labour intensifies and the baby doesn't descend...
WIFE: Well then we wait until he does. Right? I'm not having a c-section.
ALEX: A c-section is actually the safest way...
WIFE: To what avoid a lawsuit.
ADDISON: We don't have to decide right now.
WIFE: I'm not going to miss out on an experience my body was made for just because it's more convenient for you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
BAILEY: You alright Dr. Grey?
MEREDITH: Yeah, Dr. Bailey, I just need to make a choice is all.
(She looks to an approaching Derek)
DEREK: Karev. Dr. Grey, I am clipping a basilar tip aneurism. Any interest. (He sees Addison, and pauses)
ADDISON: Dr. Bailey can I get...
(And she sees Mark.)
ADDISON: Oh my God.
(Derek follows her view and also notices Mark)
DEREK: Oh...my...God.
MEREDITH: Oh my God...
GEORGE: Is that...
CHRISTINA: McSteamy.
(Meredith throws up on the floor and Bailey runs to her)
BAILEY: Grey?
GEORGE: No Mr. Sullivan don't light that!
(Mr. Sullivan has lit a cigarette, which causes an explosion as he is on Oxygen. Thus, the top half of his body is set on fire.)
DEREK: Somebody get a fire extinguisher!
BAILEY: Call a code red!
[SCENE_BREAK]
MARK: Make sure he has an airway. Sir can you hear me?
BAILEY: No he's out. Hit his head. Small hematoma in the occipital region.
MARK: Get him to the burn unit until he's stabilized and get a CT. GO!
BAILEY: Right away Dr. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DEREK: You're burning up.
MEREDITH: I'm fine.
DEREK: You don't look fine.
(Christina hands her a glass of water)
DEREK: You look beautiful but you don't look fine.
CHRISTINA: Now I'm going to throw up.
MEREDITH: Go. You have aneurisms to clip. And surgeons to confront.
DEREK: You going to be alright?
MEREDITH: Yeah.
DEREK: Will you look after her, please?
CHRISTINA: Mmm hmm. (Derek goes after Mark) You think I'd miss this?
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHIEF: What kind of idiot lights a cigarette in a hospital.
DEREK: Apparently people do idiotic things all the time.
(Derek, Chief and Mark exchange a glare and Chief walks away, going up the stairs. Derek follows)
DEREK: Chief. Chief!
ADDISON: I thought you were going back to New York.
MARK: I thought it was time for a change.
ADDISON: You can't do this. You can't be here.
(Meredith, Christina, and George watch, pointing and giggling)
MARK: Sure I can. It was easy. Sublet the apartment. Sold the practice.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DEREK: He is a liar. And a cheat.
CHIEF: The man is one of the finest plastic surgeons in the country. His department will generate twice the revenue neurosurgery does.
DEREK: Money, is that why he's here?
[SCENE_BREAK]
MARK: Why do you think I'm here?
ADDISON: This...this is why I left you.
MARK: I thought you left me for Derek.
DEREK: I left New York because of him.
CHIEF: He was your best friend. For years.
DEREK: Right up until the point where he had s*x with my wife.
CHIEF: We all make mistakes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Meredith again, vomits)
CHRISTINA: Holy crap. Are you pregnant?
(Everyone takes a break from arguing to stare)
ADDISON: Oh this is just perfect. (Derek runs down the stairs to get to Meredith) An adulterous love child.
DEREK: (to Addison) Goes along with an adulterous sociopath. (to Meredith) Meredith...
BAILEY: Uh uh, you've done enough already.
DEREK: Meredith...
MRS. SULLIVAN: Oh Dr? I finished filling out the paper work. When do you think I can take Shawnie home?
BAILEY: (looking rather nauseous herself at all that's going on) Uhhh...
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHRISTINA (who is poking around Meredith's stomach): So who's the father?
MEREDITH: I'm not pregnant
CHRISTINA: I didn't think I was pregnant when I was pregnant either. But the fever, abdominal pain, non-stop vomiting?
MEREDITH: I'm not pregnant.
CHRISTINA: You don't know who the father is, do you?
MEREDITH: It would have to be Derek's. There's no way it could be Finn's.
CHRISTINA: You haven't had s*x with the vet yet? You gotta get out of that relationship immediately.
MEREDITH: I can't be pregnant, can I?
CHRISTINA: With McBaby! (She pokes too hard and Meredith squirms.)
MEREDITH: Was I this mean to you when you were pregnant?
CHRISTINA: I thought you said you weren't pregnant.
BAILEY: She's not. We'll have to run more tests.
MEREDITH: In that case can I have some morphine?
[SCENE_BREAK]
ADDISON: I want you checking the foetal monitor every thirty minutes.
ALEX: What's the point? The baby's no where near where he needs to be and you know you're going to have to cut her open. So why not get it over with.
ADDISON: That's not what the patient wants and it's our job as doctors to balance the desires of the patient against the risk of complication, so if the patient wants a natural birth...
ALEX: So if the patient wants a natural birth, it's not surgical. So why not just cut me loose and let me in on a surgery I might actually learn something in.
ADDISON: Like Sloan's burn case?
ALEX: I'm going into plastics anyway
ADDISON: Do you think that Mark Sloan has anything to teach you? He's just like you. He's only looking out for himself.
ALEX: So what? The patient's looking out for herself. You're looking out for yourself...
ADDISON: No I'm not actually.
ALEX: Well maybe you should be.
ADDISON: Go. Go find Sloan. Do whatever you want just get out of my face Karev. Go!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Derek is examining Burke's arm, but just gracing through it, not really paying attention)
DEREK: I'm not saying he's a bad doctor.
BURKE: Of course not...listen...
DEREK: I'm saying he's a bad person. The man has no morality. No ethics.
BURKE: But there's no pain, no numbness but um...
DEREK: The question is do we really want our interns learing from someone like that?
BURKE: Derek my arm?
DEREK: Oh, yeah. It's good. It's great. You have great range of motion. I can clear you for surgery.
BURKE: Really? You're sure?
DEREK: Yeah. Absolutely. Complete recovery.(Christina walks in) You're not having any problems right?
CHRISTINA: No! I've been doing his physical therapy with him every night. He's perfect. He's Burke.
DEREK: Good. Glad to hear it. Welcome back, Dr. Burke.
BURKE: Yeah.
CHRISTINA: Dr. Bailey wanted to know if you still needed an intern.
DEREK: No I'm fine. How's Dr. Grey?
CHRISTINA: Oh, she's not pregnant...with anyone's baby... so... yeah (she leaves)
[SCENE_BREAK]
JOE: Izzie. Good to see you. You want some lunch?
IZZIE: Actually I'm meeting somebody.
JOE: Do I know him?
IZZIE: Actually I don't even know him.
JOE: You've never met? Know what he looks like? (She nods no) So for all you know he could be an older, rugged ex-marine looking dude?
(The man Joe describes walks into the bar and over to Izzie)
MR. DUQUETTE: Dr. Stephens?
IZZIE: Mr. Duquette.
MR. DUQUETTE: Please... call me Denny.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MR. DUQUETTE: You're a pretty girl. Not Denny's type at all.
IZZIE: Really. What was his type?
MR. DUQUETTE: Dark haired girls. Smart. Not that you're not smart. You're a doctor, obviously.
IZZIE: I was. I was a doctor. I'm not anymore
MR. DUQUETTE: That's right. Dr. Webber said you quit.
IZZIE: You talked to Dr. Webber?
MR. DUQUETTE: Yes. He said if I wanted to hear the whole story I should talk to you. So if you don't mind Dr. Stephens...
IZZIE: Izzie.
MR. DUQUETTE: Izzie... if you don't mind. I need to hear the whole story.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ALEX: Dr. Sloan?
MARK: You my intern?
ALEX: Yeah. I'm your intern.
MR. SULLIVAN: My face...
MARK: No need to talk Mr. Sullivan. Now, it's going to be painful for a while.
MR. SULLIVAN: My face...
MRS. SULLIVAN: He wants to know that you can fix his face. He needs to know that you can fix his face.
MARK: I'm going to remove the burned tissue and bandage your face with a dressing of live cells.
MRS. SULLIVAN: And that'll do it? His face will be back like it was. Cause his face...such a nice face...He's a salesman.
MARK: I'm going to do absolutely everything I can Mrs. Sullivan. We'll need a neuro consult before we operate.
ALEX: Anything else? I mean I can do debriedment or...
MARK: Actually, there is one more thing...bone dry cappuccino. Make it a double.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MEREDITH: You're a good friend.
CHRISTINA: You're so high right now.
MEREDITH: Actually, you're my best friend in the whole entire world.
CHRISTINA: Now I just feel sorry for you.
MEREDITH: Why? Cause I could die today?
CHRISTINA: This is why I hate being around stoned people.
MEREDITH: If I did die today, I'd only be remembered as the slutty intern who dated two doctors.
CHRISTINA: One doctor. One vet.
MEREDITH: Derek, Finn, Derek Finn. I'd die as the girl who couldn't make a choice, right?
CHRISTINA: Probably, but none of that matters cause you'll be dead.
BAILEY: Dr. Grey, you've got a fever, high white count. And tenderness over McBurney's point which suggests...
CHRISTINA AND GEORGE: Appendicitis.
MEREDITH: (a little behind the rest) Appendicitis...
BAILEY: Dr. O'Malley, prep Dr. Grey for surgery. You're scrubbing in.
GEORGE: I am? For Meredith's appendectomy?
MEREDITH: Uhh... Am I the only one who remembers last time George scrubbed in on an appendectomy? He almost killed the guy. Sorry George.
GEORGE: I don't have to scrub in, Dr. Bailey. I could just... uh... unless you want me to... not going to happen again.
BAILEY: That good enough for you Dr. Grey?
MEREDITH: You're pretty. (They all go to leave) George! Ice chips.
[SCENE_BREAK]
GEORGE: Hey
CALLIE: I heard Meredith's having an Appy.
GEORGE: It wasn't my idea to scrub in.
CALLIE: George...i just thought maybe we could have a late supper at the archfield.
GEORGE: Why would we have dinner at a hotel?
CALLIE: Cause they bring it to your room.
GEORGE: You're staying at the Archfield. How are you affording that?
CALLIE: I still have some secrets O'Malley. And if you come see me tonight, I might just show you one or two.
[SCENE_BREAK]
BAILEY: Dr. Sloan. I was just checking on the Sullivans, and... how is he doing?
MARK: And you are?
BAILEY: Dr. Bailey...we met this morning. I was the resident on Mr. Sullivan's bypass.
MARK: Well I don't need a resident on this case.
BAILEY: Excuse me, I wasn't asking to be your resident. I was asking how my patient was doing.
MARK: He's not your patient any more.
CHRISTINA: Congratulations. I told you.
BURKE: Yeah
CHRISTINA: What?
BURKE: Shepherd shouldn't have cleared me.
CHRISTINA: Burke you're back. You're back and you're fine. Burke?
BURKE: What?
CHRISTINA: What?
BURKE: He just... shouldn't have cleared me.
NURSE: Another contraction, Dr. Montgomery.
ADDISON: You're fully dilated, but the baby is only at minus 2 station.
REBECCA: We just need more time.
ADDISON: We don't have it Rebecca. His heart rate is slowing with each contraction. If he starts having late decals...
REBECCA: Is he having late decals?
ADDISON: Not yet but...
REBECCA: Then stop trying to scare me into having a surgery I don't want. I have a birth plan. Look I...I'm not going to be one of those weak-ass women who give all that up the minute things start to get scary.
ADDISON: Rebecca, a birth plan is just that...it's a plan.
Jeff: I think she's just trying to be cautious...
REBECCA: Get out! Get out get out!
[SCENE_BREAK]
BAILEY: Since when do you get out?
ADDISON: Apparently I'm not myself today.
BAILEY: Never would have figured Mark Sloan to be your type.
ADDISON: He's not...he's not! What is he doing here? He's not supposed to be here. I can't have him here. He's supposed to be in New York. I can't...i can't function with him here. I'm professional here, people respect me here. But when he's here I'm just... I'm...
BAILEY: A woman who gets the hots for man candy and cheats on her husband?
ADDISON: That is rude. And unkind, and completely true. What am I going to do?
BAILEY: For starters, you can keep your knees closed in his presence.
ADDISON: Miranda...
BAILEY: You asked. And also, you can remember that no man... not Derek, not Mark, defines who you are.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DEREK: Well let's see. Your complexion is flushed. Abdominal wall is tender. Aren't you happy to have a boyfriend who works in the hospital?
MEREDITH: You are just one of many men I happen to be dating at the moment.
DEREK: Really? How many of us are there?
MEREDITH: Well...there's you... and Finn... and...
DEREK: Well forgive me for pointing out the obvious, but I don't see any practitioners of veterinary medicine at your bedside.
FINN: You would if you turned around.
DEREK: Finn.
FINN: Derek.
MEREDITH: Oh, can I just say how much it helps that I am on drugs right now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
FINN: So
DEREK: So how's life in the animal kingdom?
FINN: What about you Derek? Slow day?
(Derek's pager goes off)
FINN: If you need to take off it's...
DEREK: No, I can stay.
FINN: Great
MEREDITH: Great.
DEREK: Great
GEORGE: Okay let's get you prepped and ready for surgery...Oh. Dr. Sheppherd. Dr. Finn.
MEREDITH: Now all my boys are here. So handsome. And such good kissers.
GEORGE: Oh God...
FINN: Excuse me?
GEORGE: She's on drugs.
MEREDITH: He's an excellent kisser.
FINN: You two dated?
DEREK: You didn't know?
MEREDITH: It wasn't a date so much as a...disatrously uncomfortable sexual experience.
GEORGE: Oh..i can't..be here.
BAILEY: None of you can be here, this woman's being prepped for surgery. Which means all of you need to leave.
GEORGE: Gladly.
BAILEY: Now! Not you O'Malley.
MEREDITH: Dr. Bailey, all my boyfriends are here.
BAILEY: Not for long. Say goodbye Dr. Grey.
DEREK: I'll be here when you wake up.
FINN: So will I.
BAILEY: Now!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Christina looks around for Burke, and finds him with a corpse.
CHRISTINA: What are you doing?
BURKE: What does it look like I'm doing?
CHRISTINA: You're not in med school, you don't need to practice procedures on a corpse.
BURKE: Better than on a real patient.
CHRISTINA: Your hand is fine.
BURKE: Right.
CHRISTINA: Are you mad at me? You are mad at me!
BURKE: Just...forget it. Don't worry about it. You have patients
CHRISTINA: I'mon call for the pit.
BURKE: Christina!
CHRISTINA: I'm not leaving.
BURKE: Time me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
IZZIE: The transplant went better than anyone expected. He was better. So much better. But Denny, before the surgery, he was hooked up to a machine...
MR. DUQUETTE: You're not answering my question.
IZZIE: I'm trying. I'm getting there. It's complicated, and his heart...
MR. DUQUETTE: I don't give a damn about the medicine. I know what killed my son. He had a bad heart. He had a bad heart for a long time. I get that. What I don't get is how a girl like you goes from being my son's doctor to being his...fiancé on the very day he was supposed to get a new heart. What I don't get is how you got him to propose to you hours before he died.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DEREK: Mr. Sullivan...i want to recommend a night of observation in the ICU before Dr. Sloan proceeds with your surgery.
MARK: Is that really necessary Dr. Shepherd? The longer we wait, the higher the risk of infection.
DEREK: I think it's important that we attend to potential life threatening injuries before moving on to cosmetics, Dr. Sloan.
MARK: He's not here for a face lift Derek. He's a burn victim.
DEREK: Why did you ask for a consult if you've already established a course of action.
MARK: Because I thought you were good enough at your job to put aside the personl and do what's best for the patient.
DEREK: My job? You're telling me how to do my job?
MRS. SULLIVAN: Please, I'm sure it's complicated. And I know Shawnie's sorry for lighting that smoke. He was trying to keep his word to Dr. Bailey. He told her he wasn't going to smoke when he got home. And he was just trying to keep his word. He knows he did wrong. But he's...he's a salesman, that's who he is. So could you just fix his face? Could you do that for us please?
MARK: If what happened between me and Addison is so unforgivable, than how do you justify what happened with you and Meredith?
DEREK: What the hell are you talking about?
MARK: You want me to be the bad guy, fine. But I'm not the only bad guy here Derek. You and me...we're the same.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MEREDITH: Addison? Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?
ADDISON: You bellowed Dr. Grey.
MEREDITH: Hi.
ADDISON: You're certainly aren't you? (Addison looks at her chart) But you're not pregnant.
MEREDITH: No. Are you okay?
ADDISON: Fine. How are you?
MEREDITH: I'm trying to choose between two men.
ADDISON: Okay...well good luck with that.
MEREDITH: How did you know Derek was the one?
ADDISON: Excuse me?
MEREDITH: I know you hate me and all, and you don't owe me anything. Nothing. No... thing. What was I saying?
ADDISON: Derek
MEREDITH: Right. I want him to be the one. But I would know he's the one right? You knew, right?
ADDISON: You don't.. I didn't know...i just...Derek's the kind of guy...i just knew he wouldn't hurt me. Not on purpose anyway. Not the way I hurt him.
MEREDITH: He hurt me...when he chose you.
ADDISON: I should have let him go. I should have stepped aside, been a better person. I should've...a lot of things.
MEREDITH: Me too. A lot of things.
ADDISON: I don't hate you.
MEREDITH: How come we never talked like this before?
ADDISON: The only reason we 're talking like this right now is because I know you won't remember a single word of this when the drugs wear off.
[SCENE_BREAK]
NURSE: Dr. Karev, you need to see this.
ALEX: I'm off the case, page Dr. Montgomery Shepherd.
NURSE: We did... but...
ALEX: Oh man...
DEREK: Were you just talking to Meredith?
ADDISON: Yeah.
DEREK: What?
ADDISON: Don't um... don't hurt her again.
ALEX: You planning on killing a woman today?
ADDISON: What?
ALEX: The C-section you should have performed on Rebecca this morning? At this point it may be too late. For her and the baby. Nice work Doc.
ADDISON: Get an OR and an anaesthesiologist. We're doing a crash C-section right away.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ADDISON: He's in distress. We have to get you into the delivery room and get him out right now.
REBECCA: No...
ADDISON: This is no longer a conversation. I am your doctor and I am responsible for your life, and your baby's life. And I am not about to lose either one of you. Are we clear? (to alex) You just going to stand there Karev or are you going to do this?
(Alex follows her to the OR)
[SCENE_BREAK]
IZZIE: Mr. Duquette, Denny... he was my patient for months...
MR. DUQUETTE: And the minute he died you quit your job.
IZZIE: Because I couldn't just...
MR. DUQUETTE: Four years of medical school, that's a whole lot of debt. How were you planning on paying that back? Did you think that Denny wouldn't pay for everything?
IZZIE: Why are you... what are you talking about?
MR. DUQUETTE: I'm talking about protecting my son.
IZZIE: But where were you when he needed you? I was there. I was working 80 hour weeks and I was still always there. He had so many surgeries. So many procedures. He was so scared. Where were you then? Where were you? You may not get me, but you don't have to, cause I don't get you either. I don't get how a father abandons his dying son.
MR. DUQUETTE: Wait! Is that what he told you? That I... that his mother and I abandoned him? Well he didn't tell you the truth?
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHRISTINA: What? What? (She sees his shaking hand) Oh Burke. I thought that...you told me that...
BURKE: I can't hold it still long enough to attach the graft.
CHRISTINA: You told me that...
BURKE: I can't...
CHRISTINA: You told me that your hand was fine.
BURKE: But it's not fine! You wanted to believe it was fine. You wanted it to be fine. You wanted...i wanted...damn it! My hands are the only things that I have that are of any value to me. To you.
CHRISTINA: Not to me.
BURKE: Yes, to you! You want Preston Burke. My hands...these are who I am. If I can't do this...if I can't finish this surgery, than...
CHRISTINA: What if I held the vessel? What if I hold the vessel. Come on. Burke, if I hold the vessel...
BURKE: Then I can attach the graft.
CHRISTINA: So if I put my hand...(she holds the vessel and Burke sews it up seamlessly)
CHRISTINA: No one has to know. ( he nods his head in agreement)
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHIEF: I know you're mad at me, but Mark Sloan is the best in his field. Any surgical unit in this country would be lucky to have him.
DEREK: You did what you thought was best for this hospital
CHIEF: I did. Are you alright?
DEREK: Can I ask you a personal question? Why did you leave Meredith's mother?
CHIEF: I could have left Adele. I could have gone away with Ellis. But I would have had so much baggage...so much guilt. Ellis couldn't see it but i...i never would have made her happy. Not like she deserved to be happy. I was a better man for walkig away. I loved her enough to walk away.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MEREDITH: Ohh on the table keep me draped. Too many people have seen me naked already. I'd like to keep whatever dignity I have left. McSteamy. McSteamy WOO HOO.
MARK: Is that what they're calling me?
MEREDITH: Yeah, but I don't think you're supposed to know that.
MARK: How's my favorite dirty mistress?
MEREDITH: Haven't you heard? Now I'm an adulterous whore!
[SCENE_BREAK]
REBECCA (her son has just been born and handed to her): He's so beautiful. So beautiful. Thank you.
ADDISON: You're welcome.
[SCENE_BREAK]
BAILEY: The appendix is out. Now what do I do O'Malley?
GEORGE: You invert the stump into the cecum and pull on the purse strings.
BAILEY: Show me.
GEORGE: Okay. Clamp.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MARK: Where's my coffee Karev?
ALEX: I got pulled into an emergency c-section.
MARK: Too bad. I was going to let you scrub in on a real surgery. Maybe next time. If OB can spare you. See you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DEREK: Finn
FINN: Derek.
DEREK: She's still in surgery.
FINN: Yeah I figured I'd wait for her here. Meredith tells me that you fish.
DEREK: She does?
FINN: She tells me a lot of things. Have you been up to Cornet Bay? It's mostly Chinook, some rock fish.
DEREK: You fish?
FINN: As much as I can. My wife hated it.
DEREK: You had a wife?
FINN: Yeah. She died.
DEREK: I'm sorry. I didn't know.
FINN: Meredith doesn't tell you a lot of things, only me.
DEREK: Funny.
FINN: You know when I heard she was sick...people come through appendectomies all the time. Shell be fine right?
DEREK: You really like her don't you?
FINN: Yeah.
DEREK: You're a good guy.
FINN: Yeah I think so. I hope so.
DEREK: Okay.
FINN: See you later.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MR. DUQUETTE: It was Doctor after Doctor. Everybody had a different opinion. A worse opinion. Before that, Denny had never been sick a day in his life. You know the thought of having to bury your own son...his mother and I didn't handle it very well. One day we came home and found a note saying he didn't want us to have to watch him die. And he left. We though he was dead all this time.
IZZIE: I had no idea. Believe me, if I had known...i never would have let him get away with that.
MR. DUQUETTE: I believe it
IZZIE: I worked my way through med school. I paid off my debt.
MR. DUQUETTE: Sorry about before. You don't have to explain...
IZZIE: I do. You're his dad an you're trying to protect him. And I want you to know, that I've paid off all my debt. And when I met Denny, I was going to be a surgeon, so I didn't need his money. I had everything I needed. I had everything I needed until...
MR. DUQUETTE: We miss him. God we miss him.
IZZIE: Yeah. I um... yeah.
(Mr. Duquette pulls an envelope out of his pocket)
IZZIE: What is this?
MR. DUQUETTE: It's for you. It's from Denny.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CALLIE: Hey. Ready to go?
GEORGE: I'm sorry I have to do this. I have to go home. It's Izzie.
CALLIE: It's always Izzie or Meredith. It's never me.
GEORGE: That's not true.
CALLIE: Who am I to you George? Am I your girlfriend? Am I somebody you mess around with? Do you even know? Well guess what? Now you don't even have to bother to figure it out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
BAILEY: How's he doing Mrs. Sullivan?
MRS. SULLIVAN: We're just getting an update now, Dr. Bailey.
MARK: Surgery went well. We removed the necrotic tissue, applied the live cells and if his body responds in three to four weeks
MRS. SULLIVAN: He'll have his face back.
MARK: Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan...your face may never be exactly what it was. Even if everything goes perfectly well, there will be scarring.
MRS. SULLIVAN: But he's a sales man. He has such a nice face.
BAILEY: You have an incredible wife, Mr. Sullivan. And half a dozen car salesman in the lobby waiting to visit you. Your face may be different. But you know as well as I do, it's not about what you look like, or your job or how successful you are. Its about having people in your life who you love, and who love you. That's all that matters.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Derek walks in on Meredith and Finn laughing)
DEREK: How you feeling?
MEREDITH: Mortified.
FINN: I was just explaining the Meredith on Morphine experience.
DEREK: You don't remember?
MEREDITH: Was it memorable?
DEREK: I'll let Finn tell you. I'll come back
FINN: Actually I've just been sent on a mission to get the patient some ice chips. Be right back.
MEREDITH: How badly did I embarrass myself? What?
(He sighs and sits on her bed)
DEREK: You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy. Someone who won't complicate your life. Someone who won't hurt you. He's the better guy, Meredith. Finn's the better guy. (Her smile fades)
MEREDITH: Derek...
DEREK: I'm walking away.
[SCENE_BREAK]
IZZIE: He left a message...Denny. He left a messge for his parents the night...His father gave me the number and the code but um...I just couldn't do it alone.
(George grabs her hand)
[SCENE_BREAK]
MARK: Addison, can we talk?
ADDISON: I don't want you here Mark. I think I've made that abundantly clear so if you insist on staying, just know that we're co-workers and nothing more. (to Alex) Karev! As of right now, you are officially off my service. And for what it's worth...i think you're gonna miss me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MR. DUQUETTE (his voicemail): Hello, you've reached the Duquettes...
(Izzie punches in the code and listens)
DENNY: Dad, mom it's me. I'm calling from Seattle Grace hospital where the beautiful, talented, and incredibly stubborn Dr. Isobel Stephens has just given me a brand new heart and promised to marry me. I know we've had our differences and I'm sorry we've been out of touch.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHRISTINA (to Burke chopping up chicken): More chicken surgery?
BURKE: I'm making you dinner.
DENNY: Believe it or not, I was trying to make everything better. I know you're angry but I hope you cn forgive me. Turns out, sometimes you have to do the wrong thing...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Callie(at Joe's): McSteamy right?
MARK: You must be a friend of Meredith's.
CALLIE: Not really. Dr. Torres. Callie.
MARK: Mark Sloan.
CALLIE: Bad day?
MARK: You could say that. You?
CALLIE: Oh yeah..
MARK: So what have you heard about me, exactly?
CALLIE: Mostly things that involve the words dirty and bad.
MARK: Right. I guess there really is no starting over, is there? Can I buy you a drink Callie?
(She finishes off her drink, and walks toward the door)
CALLIE: Only if you have it delivered to my hotel room 'cause I'm off to bed.
DENNY: Sometimes you have to make big mistake to figure out how to make things right.
CALLIE: You coming?
[SCENE_BREAK]
FINN: So what time do they let us visitors start visiting in the morning?
MEREDITH: You shouldn't do that.
FINN: I don't mind.
MEREDITH: No really, Finn. You shouldn't do that.
FINN: So it's Derek?
MEREDITH: I'm sorry.
FINN: Can I ask why?
MEREDITH: You're a great guy, you're a wonderful guy. And you may even be the better guy. But..
FINN: He's the one.
MEREDITH: And I wish he wasn't.
FINN: He's going to hurt you again. And when he does, I won't be here. Take care of yourself Meredith.
DENNY: Mistakes are painful, but they're the only way to find out who you really are. I know who I am now. I know what I want. I've got the love of my life, and a new heart. And I want you guys to get on the next plane out here and meet my girl. Everything's going to be different now.
(George opens the envelope Mr. Duquette gave Izzie. Inside is a cheque to her for $8,700,000.)
DENNY: I promise, from here on out, nothing's ever going to be the same. I love you. Bye. | Plan: A: Meredith's appendix bursts; Q: What causes Meredith to be admitted for surgery? A: a cesarean section; Q: What does the pregnant woman Addison works with need to have? A: a surgeon; Q: What is Addison's profession? A: her rotation; Q: What does Alex lose when Addison doubts her abilities? A: the painkillers; Q: What is Meredith high from? A: The interns; Q: Who works with a car salesman who wants to get back to his regular routine after he has a risky surgery? A: a car salesman; Q: Who does the interns work with? A: a cigarette; Q: What did the car salesman light that caught his face on fire? A: their specialty; Q: What do Derek and Mark believe is the most important and pressing? A: Callie; Q: Who breaks things off with George after he stands her up for Izzie? A: a corpse; Q: What does Burke practice on to prove his hand can't perform surgery? A: the truth; Q: What do Burke and Cristina decide to hide by having Cristina assist him in his surgeries? A: his surgeries; Q: What does Cristina help Burke with? A: a decision; Q: What does Meredith make between Derek and Finn? A: Denny's father; Q: Who gives Izzie 8.7 million dollars? Summary: Meredith's appendix bursts and she is admitted for surgery. Addison works with a pregnant woman who wants to give birth naturally, but needs to have a cesarean section . Addison begins to doubt her abilities as a surgeon after Derek broke up with her; Addison takes Alex off her rotation. Meredith is high from the painkillers and she and Addison speak frankly and apologize to each other. The interns work with a car salesman who wants to get back to his regular routine after he has a risky surgery, however, he lights a cigarette that catches his face on fire. Derek and Mark argue over the best way to treat him, each believing that their specialty is the most important and pressing. Callie breaks things off with George after he stands her up for Izzie, and she later hooks up with Mark. Derek clears Burke for surgery again, but Burke has serious doubts about whether his hand is ready or able to perform surgery again. He keeps his doubts to himself, except to tell Cristina. He practices on a corpse and he and Cristina realize his hand can't perform surgery unless he has help. They decide together to hide the truth by having Cristina assist him in his surgeries. After her surgery, Meredith makes a decision between Derek and Finn, telling Finn that he is a good man and probably a better man, but Derek is "the one". Izzie meets Denny's father, who gives her 8.7 million dollars according to Denny's wishes. |
Ted (2030): Children, since I know your Uncle Barney, he has always had strong views on relationships. Flashback In 2008... The band is at McLaren's.
Barney: Your girlfriend? This is your girlfriend!? It is small and it's your friend? Do not humanize the enemy. But, delighted. End flashback
Ted (2030): And yet, in fall 2009, it was he who had a girlfriend. Marshall, Lily, Barney, Ted and Robin are at the apartment of the latter.
Barney: Come on. Open it. It's p0rn collection! Just kidding. It would be weird.
Ted: It's your p0rn collection.
Barney: This is my collection of p0rn! I offer you my p0rn. Now that it goes really well with Robin, I need more.
Lily: Voluntarily, you abandon your p0rn...? You're really serious.
Marshall: This is obvious.
Barney: What does that mean?
Marshall: Nothing, it's just, you know, you have love handles.
Barney: What?! I have no love handles. This is ridiculous.
Marshall: It's nothing. Once you're with someone, it is natural to let some go. Trust me. It's been there.
Lily: He really is growing at a time.
Barney: We gotta go. Goodbye, my dear friends. You were always there for me. We will miss you.
Robin: He speaks to p0rn.
Ted: Hi, Robin. A more.
Robin: Hi. Barney and Robin go.
Lily: My God, matte videos. The orgy of space? The surprise party of 23 students naughty?
Marshall: You'd think after 22 celebrations, students would no longer surprises.
Lily: You can get rid of it.
Ted: No, it's not a problem. I'll do it.
Lily: Are you sure? It's nothing. We can go around back and throw the box in the trash.
Marshall: I read six of the words you just said about this jacket.
Ted: Seriously, this is nothing. I'm on it.
Lily: Because...
Ted: Let them! In a sense, it's sad, right? Barney who abandons his p0rn. He has love handles. They eat the same thing every night. We are witnessing the end of Barney Stinson as we know it.
Marshall: So what? They are happy.
Lily: Let's go. A more. Lily and Marshall go in turn, leaving Ted alone. In the hallway...
Marshall: So you're what?
Lily: I Tail-Dalle.
Marshall: What...? I thought I had seen in one take.
Lily: Yeah. It's called Tail-Dalle. Ted is alone in the apartment and sort p0rn.
Ted: ArchiSexTure. That's not how you write "Buckminster Fuller."
Ted (2030): Children, pornography is wrong, and when I got rid of that horrible pornography on the field...
Ted: I get rid of this horrible pornography on the field.
Ted (2030): There is something terrible happened. He stumbles into the chair and all the tapes fall. Full of tapes with a fly that lands in the VCR.
Voice: ArchiSexture.
Barney: If you watch this tape, and I knew it... is that you are in possession of all my p0rn. It can only mean two things, either I'm dead or I'm in a committed relationship. If I died, I want you honor my memory by taking my body in the Hamptons and recreating Weekend at Bernie. I want to dance. I want to make love. And I want to go fishing. If, on the other hand, I'm in a relationship, as best friend, I have one favor to ask. Please, for God's sake, get me out of here!
GENERIC
Barney: I can look happy, but do not believe it. Barney Stinson is suited for celibacy. (Marshall and Lily have joined Ted) Out of pity, if our best friends account... And yes, Marshall, I'm his best friend, how you take it? So, get me out of here. And finally, since you hoping to see some p0rn... (Barney turns the camera towards the bed where a woman waits) Do not worry. The green light means it is off.
Ted cut the video.
Lily: We're sure he had done?
Ted: There is no reason to take it seriously, though?
Lily: No, of course. This is an old tape. Barney is pleased with Robin.
Ted (2030): But over time I began to notice things. Barney and Robin have stopped their crazy adventures. In McLaren's...
Lily: So what you did last night?
Robin: I wanted to go to a concert. Him at a party. We could obviously do what the other wanted, so we stayed to watch a movie on cable.
Barney: It was Legen... wait... the Autumn. Legends of the Fall!It was fun.
Ted (2030): Barney stopped being himself.
Ted: I spotted this girl there, and I will need help to land the plane.
Barney: Sorry, I have my own way tonight. Barney became obese.
Ted (2030): And Robin was annoyed when he opened his mouth.
Lily: How do you go?
Barney: Super. Relations are deadly...
Robin: Shut up...
Barney: Exchanges and compromise...
Robin: Shut up...
Barney: Monogamy is the best.
Robin: Shut up.
Barney: Tagline!
Robin: Shut up.
Ted (2030): But it got worse... more
Barney: More hungry... Barney looks for a kiss but Robin does not respond.
Ted (2030): The more they said everything was fine. In truth, Barney and Robin had just let go. But after a few weeks for us, they looked like that. Robin and Ted meet Barney, Marshall and Lily at the bar but they are obese.
Barney: I can... in a minute. At Ted's apartment...
Ted: They kill.
Lily: They love each other.
Ted: Barney and Robin are in love, but they are more Barney and Robin. They are big and old.
Marshall: My favorite cop show.
Ted: This is obvious. Barney eats too much because he hates to lose his freedom. Robin and stress because she hates what has become Barney.
Lily: They are perfect together.
Ted: It might be the problem. They are too similar. It's hard to have two dominant in a relationship.
Marshall: We are two dominant sets.
Lily: Of course, my heart.
Marshall: If they are not happy, why not break?
Ted: They are too stubborn. Neither wants to be the first to admit he no longer wants. They play at first that deflates.
Marshall: I think the first who plays Barney deflates.
Lily: It's a bad time. It takes time to get used to each other. They are... How do you say "selfish" nicely? Marshall Independent.
Lily: Independents. Every relationship goes through there.
Marshall: It's true... I had a friend astronaut, totally in love with his fiancee. On the eve of her mission, she surprised him with four other girls and two guys. It has become intense. She ended up sneaking into the space shuttle...
Ted: Talk about Space Orgy?
Marshall: Yeah.
Lily: It's a bad time. Let us do things.
Marshall: She's right.
Lily: Two against one, Ted. Let them.
Ted (2030): I left them alone. But this weekend there... Marshall and Barney are the McLaren's and Barney is still eating.
Barney: Did you notice that the beef ribs were absolutely disgusting, but recently they have become delicious?
Marshall: I'll get to the point, and ask you a question. Are you happy with Robin?
Barney: Are you kidding?! How could I not be? It's Robin!
Marshall: So you're happy?
Barney: Can you ask me this question. We argue constantly, but you know what they say about relationships, "Every moment is a battle."
Marshall: So you're happy?
Barney: And you know what happens right after a fight? Gender reconciliation. What is different... when you're in a loving and lasting relationship. Flashback Barney and Robin are in bed.
Barney: Stack we make love, we order a pizza face and it stays there to moan.
Robin: Okay. Decides that the piece. He throws the room.
Barney: What was the pizza again?
Robin: Face.
Barney: It's face. End flashback
Barney: s*x... I'm right? Fortunately, it is becoming rare. I'm still hungry. You're hungry? Marshall enters Ted's apartment.
Marshall: We must break them. You're right. Barney and Robin are unhappy together but they are too stubborn to admit it. We must make the break.
Ted: What next?
Marshall: We will release... the Kraken. Flashback
Ted (2030): Children, as you know, earlier this year I learned that Lily had broken no one, not two, but seven of my past relationships. End flashback Ted, Marshall and Lily are at the bar.
Lily: Forget. I took my retirement. I no longer.
Marshall: But you're the best.
Lily: I swear, I gave up these shots there. I became legit. I am now matchmaker.
Ted: Find me someone.
Lily: I just started.
Marshall: Please. You've got to break. This relationship is killing them.
Lily: I know, but I learned the lesson. I no longer interferes. I let things.
Ted: It's two against one.
Lily: But the one that's me. She gets up and goes to the counter Barney sitting at a table... to eat.
Ted: No need for it. We can do it alone.
Marshall: How?
Ted: When I was with Robin, you remember the only thing that made pinball? Flashback Robin and Ted are in the restaurant.
Robin: You do not have the right to do this to me.
Ted: What are you talking?
Robin: From this! That's what I mean. How does it feel in my champagne? End flashback
Ted: If Robin thinks for one second that Barney wants to marry her, she Petera a lead and they will break.
Marshall: That sucks. Why not let Barney be tempted by a sexy girl? (Barney wipes his hands on his shirt) Okay, going to the ring. Barney and Robin are in the restaurant. Ted and Marshall are also and monitor them.
Marshall: A surveillance van.
Ted: What?
Marshall: It should take one. We have ordered pizza, watched through binoculars and said, "That's not why I signed," or stuff like that.
Ted: The server arrives.
Robin: Please, shut up.
Barney: What?
Robin: I thought you had mentioned, sorry. (The waiter brings them two glasses of champagne) This is an engagement ring?Are you...?
Barney: No, this is not one. They had the wrong table. You can imagine we are married?
Robin: We're committed to one another.
Barney: Your business is already in my apartment.
Robin: Easier for taxes.
Barney: And for your naturalization.
Robin: "Scherbatsky" is hard to spell.
Barney: My mother would be so happy.
Robin: Yeah, I guess.
Barney: No reason not to do so.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The band is back at the bar.
Barney: We get married!
Robin: Not so loud, sh1t.
Lily: What did you do? I'm furious now. It will not?
Robin: You will be my bridesmaid?
Lily: Oh, my God! I'd love to! Lily throws herself into the arms of Robin. At Ted's apartment...
Lily: You have lost your mind? You knew they were playing that first deflates, and what? You give them an engagement ring!Okay, that's good. I care. I return to the center stage for a final rupture.
Marshall: What next?
Lily: They are up to their necks. A single argument will not suffice. We must revive the four largest arguments they've ever had, at one time. Number one, the battle of dirty dishes. Number two, the conflict of ex-girlfriends. Flashback The band is at the bar.
Robin: You do not know any that girl over there?
Barney: No, I do not think. (The woman bends down to pick something she brought down) No, actually, I do not know... This is Meg. I do not compare in my mind there. Can you pick me?
Robin: Really? They argue. End flashback
Lily: Number three, the altercation Star Wars. Flashback Robin is Barney.
Robin: You're not a bit old for that stupid doll?
Barney: It's not a doll. It's a stormtrooper.
Robin: He wears a diaper.
Barney: No, it's protective armor.
Robin: A stormtrooper? Rather a storm-merdeur.
Barney: Come on.
Robin: It looks like your storm-merdeur the changes we need.
Barney: You know, I'm sick.
Robin: I said nothing.
Barney: The jokes about magic, the stormtrooper... End flashback
Lily: And, of course, the biggest, the Canadian-American War. Flashback In McLaren's...
Barney: thank you God, the song is over. Who was the old devil who sang?
Robin: You know Neil Young is my favorite musician.
Barney: She was the wife of Archie in All in the family, or the same voice?
Robin: Neil Young is a Canadian treasure. Do not make fun of Neil Young.
Barney: I never make fun of an old lady paralyzed vocal cord... End flashback
Ted: I've found. I have found. They maile images reminding those fights.
Lily: Poor kid. This is how it will happen. They are the restau... (Lily imagines the scene) First, it rekindles debate US-Canada, when Alan Thicke, a native of Ontario, going to their table. Ted and Marshall's arrest.
Ted: Alan Thicke?
Marshall: Oh yes. Robin was known when she sang.
Lily: They are always in contact. I had his number on the mobile Robin. Seriously... amateurs. (She plunges into the scene) So, Alan Thicke stimulus battle USA / Canada. Just then, Meg-the-crazy happens. Then, a stormtrooper happening in the street.And just when they are tired, a diver passes with a basin full of what? Dirty dishes.
Ted: This is your masterpiece.
Marshall: It takes a surveillance van! Ted, Marshall and Lily are in a car
Marshall: A Break? Really? You have rented a station wagon?
Ted: A van costs $ 25 more.
Marshall: A Break? Marshall looks through binoculars and approaches a man in disguise.
Robot: Greeting, Will Robinson! That a birthday?
Lily: Get in the car.
Ted: What is that thing?
Lily: They did not stormtrooper so I had to take another robot. It will work also.
Ted: Another robot? The stormtroopers are not robots.
Lily: Of course they are robots! "Must kill Luke Skywalker"
Ted: No one said this in Star Wars.
Marshall: Very bad robot voice.
Man: Someone ordered an extra large sausage?
Ted: A film of Barney begins like that.
Marshall: Barney Five... order something.
Man: I do not know if everything will be back.
Ted: Now you mention the movie.
Marshall: It continues. The server supports a second sheet.
Lily: We need it here. It is in hiding.
Man: You dont need a van?
Ted: A van is more expensive.
Marshall: Thank you!
Robot: Pass me a slice, Will Robinson!
Ted: If you work the costume, they will pay us.
Marshall: Stop and think only of money.
Lily: Give a hand to the stormtrooper.
Ted and Marshall: It's not a stormtrooper.
Man 2: Sorry for the delay. I was looking for a van.
Marshall: Thank you!
Ted: $ 25!
Man 2: I greet between Robin?
Lily: No, go up. Wait... When they blew the Death Star with thousands of stormtroopers it was human?
Marshall: It was the Death Star. They did not sign in the wind.
Man 2: I do not want to play with celebrities, but I have a dinner tonight, so...
Man: Someone should take this sausage!
Ted: You were in this video? The guy with the tan of a farmer?
Robot: Many want pizza, Will Robinson!
Man 2: Come on, I'm Alan Thicke!
Man: That's not why I signed.
Lily: You know what? Everyone, stop! Alan thicke, close it!Marshall is a break. Put-in-t. Ted, stop talking about p0rn. And for God's sake, give the pizza stormtrooper! Lily takes the twins to marshall.
Ted and Marshall: It's not a stormtrooper!
Lily: Damn! They see us. They try to hide.
Marshall: You're sure they've seen us? A woman comes in and does little to Marshall.
Woman: I can go talk to Barney? I'm too excited. You really think he'll ask me to marry?
Marshall: Forget it is located. If you try something, they'll know it's us. We should all go...
Lily: This is my masterpiece. And then they saw us? It will work anyway.
Ted: Come on. We find something else.
Alan: I repeat, I'm Alan Thicke.
Woman: You are Alan Thicke?
Lily: Alan Thicke, to you. Go ahead.
Ted (2030): So Lily went on with his plan. First, Alan Thicke.Followed by Meg-the-wild. Then the robot. And finally, the dirty dishes. But after all that...
Lily: They kiss? They should not! Why it does not work?
Ted: Because they love.
Marshall: It was a bad spot.
Lily: What am I doing? All this was a mistake.
Robot: So... it tells you to smoke joints? Marshall, Lily, Ted and Alan Thicke were at McLaren's.
Ted: I thought that I would not say that this coir, but... Robin and Barney, the happy couple.
Ted (2030): This is when we learned that relationships are hard but ultimately, everything comes right. Robin joins them.
Lily: Where is Barney?
Robin: It was broken.
Ted (2030): And that's when we have forgotten the lesson they had learned ten seconds. Flashback
Ted (2030): You see, rather in the evening, when Lily was believed that Barney and Robin had spotted us, this is what they really saw. Barney, seeing himself in the window of the restaurant: Why this big and this old will not stop us... It's us!
Robin: Look at us. It is horrible all the time like that?
Barney: I'm not happy. Finally, I would be. Nothing would make me happier than to be happy, but... I'm not.
Robin: What are we doing wrong? We love. If it does not work, what then? We are so similar.
Barney: We love scotch. It is awesome.
Robin: That might be it. There may be too great there.
Barney: Exactly. Two awesome cancel out, and... I'm tired of being canceled.
Robin: Me too. We separate?
Barney: I think. sh1t. Following happens. After which you and I can not become friends again.
Robin: It's maybe not a break. This is perhaps... two friends... who find themselves.
Alan Thicke: It's always nice to see a compatriot.
Meg-the-crazy: Good news! I forgive you for that restraining order.
Robin: It's a stormtrooper?
Barney: It's not a stormtr... We're going from here?
Alan Thicke: See you later.
Robin: In addition, Alan. Barney and Robin go hand in hand, and Alan and Meg-the-wild on their side.
Meg-the-insane: You still live at 73rd Street?
Alan: How do you know?
Barney: Friends that are found. I like it.
Robin: One for the Road? They kiss before leaving the restaurant.
Barney: And then who knows? Maybe in 40 years, if you have not found anyone...
Robin: I am already involved with Ted.
Barney: It's true. Thin. Maybe in 39 years, if you have not found anyone...
Ted (2030): It turned out that they had just let things happen. End flashback
Marshall: So, how is Barney?
Robin: Well, I think. It may take a while to recover, but... You had a thrill? Barney enters the McLaren's and everyone turns around. He again became slim.
Barney: Dad returned.
Alan: Content that is either mentioned it again.
Robin: It is getting it soon.
Lily: I love that you are always so many friends after this clip.
Alan: Clip? The video for "Sandcastles"! It was also this together.
Barney: What do you mean "too"?
Alan: We had this issue of Canadian variety that missed. It was so shameful. Imagine what would happen if someone put their hands on it?
Robin: You then. Alan part. Robin and Barney sits down near the exit. | Plan: A: a rough patch; Q: What did Ted and Marshall decide to break Barney and Robin up for good after they hit what in their relationship? A: their plan; Q: What fails when Ted and Marshall turn to Lily? A: Alan Thicke; Q: Who does Lily enlist to break up Barney and Robin? Summary: Ted and Marshall decide to break Barney and Robin up for good after they hit a rough patch in their relationship. When their plan fails, they turn to Lily and she enlists some things to break them up, including Alan Thicke . |
[Nathan's Apartment]
(There are many kids lying around sleeping on the floor, beds and tables with food and drink bottles thrown around everywhere.)
[Haley's Room]
(Nathan is sleeping in her bed and wakes up. Haley is sitting at her dresser)
HALEY: I had the weirdest dream, that there was this rapping at my window at 4 o'clock in the morning followed by my boyfriend, who has his own apartment by the way, asking if he can crash in my room. Wait a second.
NATHAN: I had to get out of there.
HALEY: Did I mention this is a recurring dream? This is, what? Like the fourth time in two weeks? Not that I'm complaining but it does defeat the purpose of having your own place.
NATHAN: Tim keeps bringing over all these hot chicks. Which is a problem because none of them are you.
HALEY: Uh huh.
NATHAN: That place is like party central. It's not even my party.
HALEY: Well maybe it should be. Oh we should throw our own party, like a take-back-the-party party.
NATHAN: Alright. Let's do it. How about this Saturday?
HALEY: Sounds good I'm free.
NATHAN: Done. You've got to plan it though. And make sure it's kind of low-key. Just a few friends, you know!
HALEY: Okay. So much fun! Now crawl back out the window before my parents wake up and hear you.
NATHAN: Hear what? This? (He pulls her onto the bed and Haley screams)
HALEY: Oh shoot! Just don't tickle me!
[School Hall]
HALEY: Hey, Peyton.
PEYTON: What's up?
HALEY: Nathan and I are having a little thing at his place on Saturday.
PEYTON: Haley James, party girl.
HALEY: Yeah it's not going to be that big of a deal but he said that I could invite who ever I want, so do you want to come?
PEYTON: Hell yeah!
HALEY: Alright, I'll see you there.
PEYTON: Later.
[Karen's Café]
KAREN: Hey, Keith.
KEITH: That's Mr. Scott.
KAREN: What I can't call you Keith anymore?
KEITH: No I'm just trying it out. What do you think of me as a teacher? High School auto shop.
KAREN: Well I think you'd be great. Why!
KEITH: Because I have an interview tomorrow at a school in Charleston.
KAREN: Wow. When you said you planned on leaving I didn't realize it would be this fast.
KEITH: Well, no reason to wait. Right!
LUCAS: Hey, Keith.
KEITH: Hey, Luke. Tell me you're going to practice.
LUCAS: Therapist says I'm ready to go.
KEITH: Now that's what I'm talking about. (Lucas leaves) You didn't tell him about my proposal, did you?
KAREN: I was kind of wrestling with that. Should I tell him you plan on leaving town!
KEITH: No, I'll do it.
KAREN: He's going to miss you.
KEITH: Yeah.
[Practice]
(The guys are running drills)
NATHAN: Knock it down, Lucas. (Lucas shoots and misses. Nathan makes his shot.) Keep shooting, man. It will come. (Lucas shoots again and misses. He keeps shooting as the gym clears out and he cannot make a shot. Peyton comes in with some other cheerleaders to get her things)
PEYTON: See you guys later.
LUCAS: Well, the good news is I'm back. Bad news is, I suck. (Hs is stretching his shoulder)
PEYTON: You okay!
LUCAS: Yeah, it's just a little tight.
PEYTON: Here. (She helps him stretch it) You're just rusty. Pretty soon you'll really suck. Just like before. Better? (He nods and Brooke walks in)
BROOKE: You know I'd tell you two to get a room, but then you've already done that. (She gets her things and leaves)
[Outside the gym]
(Brooke is walking away and Peyton is trying to catch up)
PEYTON: Brooke! Brooke, we got to stop doing this.
BROOKE: Fine, I'll stop talking to you and you can definitely stop talking to me.
PEYTON: Okay. I mean we're not really friends anymore, are we?
BROOKE: You know, for a fake blonde you catch on slow.
PEYTON: Alright, I tried apologizing to you and I'm done trying now.
BROOKE: Good. I mean it's really pretty pathetic.
PEYTON: Fine, if that's what you want. Fine. (She walks away and Brooke looks disappointed)
[Nathan's Apartment]
(Nathan and Tim are playing video games. Haley comes in with groceries)
HALEY: Hey.
NATHAN: Hey. (He pauses the game and goes into the kitchen with her)
HALEY: I got everything but the drinks.
TIM: Make it BYOB. Or BYOT. Get it? Tim? "T".
NATHAN: You know, if you need some cash I've got some from selling the car.
HALEY: No, this party's totally on me. (Tim unpauses the game and continues playing) But listen, I ran into some extra people and I didn't want to say no. But it's going to be low-key, I promise.
NATHAN: Okay.
HALEY: Okay. (She reaches up to put things away and Nathan sees her tattoo again) What!
NATHAN: You're just lucky Tim's here. Cause I've got a thing for girls named Haley James.
HALEY: Really? Well you're lucky Tim's here too.
BOTH: Tim, go home.
TIM: What?
HALEY: Um, I've got more stuff in the car, so go play. I'll kiss you later.
NATHAN: Alright. (She leaves and Nathan sits back with Tim)
TIM: Damn, she sure was a surprise. It's like everything you touch turns cool. You're like King Midol, or something.
NATHAN: Were you playing this whole time!
TIM: Yeah. Your team sucks. (Dan walks in behind them) Hey, Mr. Scott. I win. See ya.
DAN: How's my wife? (Tim walks out behind him) You want to tell me why some guy I've never seen before came in to put a security system in a new mustang? A mustang I thought I had given to you as a gift!
NATHAN: Cause I sold it.
DAN: You had no right to do that.
NATHAN: Dad look, I've got expenses now. Like rent.
DAN: Uh uh, no, you don't get that as an out. I'm offering you a home. You turn me down, you're on your own. I want the rest of the money from the sale. I'll take cash or a check. Or you can keep the money, and come home with me now. (Nathan writes him a check)
NATHAN: Thanks for stopping by, Dad. We should do this more often. (Dan takes the check and leaves)
[Outside School]
(Haley is talking to two girls)
HALEY: We're just trying to keep it small, so don't advertise.
GIRL: Oh hey, are lips are sealed. Thanks for the invite, Haley. You rock.
HALEY: Sure. (They leave and Brooke comes up)
BROOKE: Hi, friend.
HALEY: Hey, Brooke.
BROOKE: So when's the party!
HALEY: Well, it's Saturday night, but -
BROOKE: Don't worry, I'm not going to tip off the paparazzi.
HALEY: Oh no, I'm not worried, we're just trying to keep it small. So.
BROOKE: Peyton said not to invite me.
HALEY: No, she didn't. Not exactly.
BROOKE: Alright. You know, have your little party, and play your naked twister, and -
HALEY: Brooke, it's really just going to be couple of friends.
BROOKE: Right, but I'm not one of them. Whatever. (She leaves)
[Mall]
(Nathan and Haley are walking around by the carousel and a food stand)
NATHAN: What kind of experience do you have to have to work at a mall?
HALEY: I don't know. Some. Okay, you want a smoothie? On me? (They walk up to the smoothie stand) What do you want? A fruit frolic with protein!
NATHAN: How about something with cash in it.
HALEY: Actually. (They see a sign for Now Hiring and pick up the paper work)
NATHAN: Food service? (Haley looks at him) Pen. (The worker, Gary, looks at the paper as he fills it out)
GARY: Nathan Scott. Can you start now?
NATHAN: Yeah.
HALEY: Well that was easy.
[Peyton's Room]
(She is drawing on the desk and Lucas taps on a CD case he is holding outside her door)
LUCAS: Hey. I got your Blackout CD. I forgot I had it.
PEYTON: Thank you. So you smell that? (She goes to her door and on the back of it is written 'missing cds'. She goes down the list and scratches off the Blackout)
LUCAS: What?
PEYTON: That scent in the air. I think it's called guilt. Brooke and I called it quits today.
LUCAS: That sucks.
PEYTON: Yeah. Usually girls don't break up, we kind of just @#%$ and bicker until we can work it out.
LUCAS: I'm sorry, Peyton.
PEYTON: Yeah, me too. I'm going to miss her. Anyway I'm glad you came by, I was actually going to call you.
LUCAS: Why, what's up?
PEYTON: Haley's party. Are you going!
LUCAS: Yeah. How great is that, huh? I don't think Haley's ever thrown a party.
PEYTON: Do you want to go together? (Lucas looks at her confused) Not like a date or anything.
LUCAS: Okay how exactly does that work!
PEYTON: Let's see, um, we don't make out. But we don't argue. I think we kind of just have fun. Look we're friends, okay? And it would really be great if we could just be friends.
LUCAS: What about Brooke?
PEYTON: Hang out with her, date her, whatever. You know, but you and I shouldn't have to avoid each other.
LUCAS: Okay. Haley's party.
PEYTON: Great.
LUCAS: So, what are you listening to, huh? (He goes back to her shelves of albums)
PEYTON: Actually, I'm on this big 80's metal kick. I just picked up this rat album. It's outstanding. Check it out.
[Nathan's Work]
(He is trying to make pretzels. He pulls out the dough and weighs it then drops it. He keeps trying to twist them around to make the shape. He puts one no the oven tray and burns himself. The pretzels coming out of the oven are all misshaped and ugly.)
CUSTOMER: Excuse me, can I get a napkin, here!
NATHAN: Yeah, just hang on a second.
GARY: Here you go, sir, I'm sorry about that.
CUSTOMER: Thank you.
GARY: Customers first, Scott. Pulp.
NATHAN: What!
GARY: P.U.L.P. Performance Understanding Leadership People. Pulp. The Hot and Twisted way.
NATHAN: Isn't that what they used to call your mom? Hot and Twisted.
GARY: You might be a big star at school but here I'm your boss.
NATHAN: Wait you got to Tree Hill!
GARY: I'm in your history class. Okay here's some more recent history. Homecoming last year. You and a few of your Ravens buddies kicked my @#%$ just for fun. Ring a bell!
NATHAN: Kind of. Sorry!
[Karen's Café]
(Karen is wrapping a tie at a table. Lucas walks in)
LUCAS: Who's the tie for?
KAREN: It's for Keith. He's got a job interview coming up. He's thinking of moving, Luke.
LUCAS: Why? He can't get a job here?
KAREN: I don't think he wants a job here.
LUCAS: Mom!
KAREN: Keith proposed to me and I said no.
LUCAS: I got to go see him.
[Keith's House]
(He is getting dressed when Lucas walks in)
KEITH: Hey, Luke, what's up!
LUCAS: Keith. (They hug) I'm sorry, man.
KEITH: That's okay.
LUCAS: Mom told me what happened. Said you're leaving.
KEITH: We'll see.
LUCAS: Why didn't you tell me?
KEITH: Well as hard as it was that your mom turned me down, the thought of leaving you is even harder. I don't want to be the second Scott brother to do this to you.
LUCAS: Yeah but you know that I don't see you that way. Look I know that Mom said no. But does that mean that you have to go!
KEITH: It's time for me to move on, Luke. It's just something I've got to do. Whether I get this job or not. But look, where ever I end up, you can always call or visit. I'll always be a guy you can turn to.
LUCAS: I know. And I want you to have what you want, you know? But, I wanted you to be my dad, too.
[Karen's Café]
(Karen is holding Jenny)
DEB: They were so much simpler then.
KAREN: You nostalgic for sleepless nights?
DEB: Well let's see, my husband won't divorce me, but my son didn't have to think twice about it.
KAREN: Oh, Deb, I'm sorry.
DEB: You know, I was sitting alone in that big empty house and it occurred to me, on my long list of dumb decisions, turning down your partnership offers was one of the dumbest. Any chance it still stands?
KAREN: Of course it does.
DEB: Good. Then let's do it.
KAREN: Alright.
DEB: Well, I'm off to tell Dan that he's got 24 hours to clear out his things or they go to Good Will.
(Keith comes in wearing his suit)
KEITH: Or else I could help you burn them.
DEB: You look nice.
KEITTH: Thank you. (She hugs him)
KAREN: Bye Deb.
DEB: Bye. (Karen gives Keith his present)
KAREN: I wanted to give this to you before your interview.
KEITH: Oh thanks.
KAREN: But employee daycare called. (He opens the tie box)
KEITH: Oh, that's great.
KAREN: It's for good luck.
KEITH: I'll get this off. (He pulls off his clip on tie and starts putting on the new one)
KAREN: I already tied it up for you.
KEITH: You know, Lucas came by the see me last night.
KAREN: Yeah he said he was going to.
KEITH: It really meant a lot to me. And I think he's going to be okay. Even if I do get the job I'm less than three hours away, so he can always visit me.
KAREN: Here let me help you with that collar. (She gives him Jenny and adjusts his tie and collar)
KEITH: There you go. Aren't you cute. (They meet eyes when she's helping him and they smile)
KAREN: There, that's better. Perfect.
KEITH: Well I guess I should be going.
KAREN: You're going to do great.
KEITH: Thanks again.
KAREN: Good luck. Bye.
[Parking Lot]
(Haley is pushing a grocery cart out and talking on her cell phone)
HALEY: Hey. So how goes day two!
[Nathan's Work]
NATHAN: Well, I'm mopping, Hales. And I look cool doing it.
HALEY: I'm sure you do.
GARY: I said no cell phones, you've got customers, Scott.
NATHAN: Alright, I got to go. Duty calls. (He hangs up)
GARY: Did you clean the blenders yet!
NATHAN: No, but-
GARY: I told you to do that half an hour ago.
NATHAN: Okay relax.
GARY: I can't relax. Unlike you, I actually need this job.
NATHAN: What does that mean?
GARY: It means some of us don't have a rich daddy waiting for them when things get tough. You know, if I want to go to college I'm going to have to pay for it, so if you're just going to waste my time you might as well quit now.
NATHAN: That's not what I'm doing.
GARY: Good. Cause Jerry called in sick. I'm going to need you to cover till 10 o'clock then we clean up and do inventory.
NATHAN: Look, I have plans tonight,
GARY: Alright, then you're fired. Take your pick.
[Interview]
(School auto shop)
KEITH: Well, selling the shop really couldn't be avoided.
MAN: I'm curious why you quit so soon after they hired you on.
KEITH: Well, the new management was taking things in a different direction.
MAN: And you had a problem with that?
KEITH: The new management was my brother. And he's an @#%$.
MAN: I see. Mr. Scott, you may be qualified from a technical standpoint, but teaching teenagers is a whole other thing. Why do you want this job!
KEITH: To me, it's not about teaching them to change a spark plug. It's about giving them the confidence to do something that maybe they think they couldn't do before. And once you do that, you've earned their trust. And when you have that, you can really have an effect.
MAN: My brother's an @#%$ too.
[Nathan's Apartment]
(Mouth is the DJ and Haley is putting on lip-gloss waiting for people to show up. The door bell rings)
HALEY: Somebody's early. (She answers the door and Tim is there with a keg) Hi, you know Nathan's not even back from work yet so if you want to come back later.
TIM: Somebody's got to kick this mother off. What up, Nose?
MOUTH: It's mouth.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Peyton's Room]
(She is getting ready and Lucas stands in her door way)
LUCAS: Wow. You're kind of hot.
PEYTON: Yeah?
LUCAS: So look, I know we're just hanging out, but I got you a gift.
PEYTON: Dude, you shouldn't have.
LUCAS: I know, but I did.
PEYTON: Alright, well good. Give it to me, I love gifts.
LUCAS: Well I know how you're into this whole 80's metal thing. So I got you the first test of the record. (he hand her a record)
PEYTON: Oh! This is sweet. Um, I got you a high five. Do you want it now or later!
LUCAS: Now is good.
PEYTON: Okay. (She gives him a high five)
[Nathan's Apartment]
(Haley and Tim are sitting on the couch)
HALEY: No one's coming, I'm sure of it.
TIM: Most people don't want to be first at a party. (Haley looks at him and he looks away)
HALEY: Nathan's late too. (The doorbell rings) Oh finally! (Tim jumps up and answers it first)
TIM: What's up! (He hugs the people as they walk in) Party in the House.
HALEY: Um, Tim? Do you know any of these people!
TIM: Not really, but it's a party, Haley. You wanted people to show up, right!
HALEY: Yeah, sure. Yeah, cool.
TIM: Cool, okay.
[Bar]
(Brooke is drinking alone. A guy sits next to her. She gives him a fake smile then looks away)
GUY: Buy you a drink!
BROOKE: Okay, guy in need of a clue. Here's one. Women send signals. That was a brush off. Before you dip into your shallow pool of wit let me paint us a picture and save us both the trouble. Here's your evening. You are going to slink back off to your buddies, laugh this off, get wasted, go home, and make nice with yourself. But don't be thinking of me, because even your fantasy of me, isn't interested in you. (He leaves. Nikki is standing behind him and sits with Brooke)
NIKKI: Nice work. Extra points for style.
BROOKE: I've seen you around. You're Jake's ex right!
NIKKI: No, he's mine. You go to Tree Hill? (Brooke nods) So what brings you out into the big, bad, real world?
BROOKE: Anger, alcohol and a fake ID.
NIKKI: Nice combo. Men?
BROOKE: Dogs. Two of them. Ex boyfriend and backstabbing ex girly best friend.
NIKKI: Typical. If you have a strand of hair and five minutes I can show you a great curse you can put on them.
BROOKE: Okay. (She pulls out a strand of hair) Bring it on, witch.
NIKKI: Okay. What are their names!
BROOKE: Lucas, and Peyton. (Nikki looks at her) Mm.
NIKKI: And where are they tonight?
BROOKE: They are at a party that I was not invited to. Can you believe that? They sneak around like little mongrels and I get removed from the A list.
BARTENDER: Can I get you ladies anything?
NIKKI: Yeah, two vodkas. And two for my new friend here.
BROOKE: Now you're talking, witchiepoo.
NIKKI: Mm hm.
[Nathan's Work]
(He accidentally knocks over a tray of pretzels)
GARY: Nice move, all-star. (Nathan bends over to pick them up and Dan comes to the counter)
DAN: You know it's a shame. I have pictures of you in your first bath, your first hair cut. The first time you walked. Here it is, your first job, and me without a camera. Of course if I did have a picture of you mom would most likely take it in the divorce. But that probably sounds bitter.
NATHAN: Dad, I'm trying to work here, okay!
DAN: I can see that. But come on, Nate. How long are you going to keep this job? A month? A week? Come home with me, this is embarrassing.
NATHAN: No, dad, watching you and mom fight is embarrassing. This might be the ground floor but at least I'm doing it on my own. Unlike some.
DAN: Meaning what?
NATHAN: I could just live off mom's money like you did.
DAN: Okay. Alright you've got a lot to learn, kid but when go ahead. Impress me. (He starts to walk away. Nathan picks up a pretzel off the floor)
NATHAN: Dad. (He tosses the pretzel to him) Have a pretzel. It's on me. (Dan eats it signals that it's good and leaves)
[Nathan's Apartment]
(The house is crowded with kids and Haley is approached by two girls)
GIRL: Nathan Scott and your own apartment. You have, like, the best life ever.
HALEY: Well, thanks, I mean it's not my apartment, but - (They walk away. Lucas and Peyton walk in) Hi!
LUCAS: Haley, who are all these people!
HALEY: Who cares? It's a party.
BROOKE: Sorry I'm late. Hope nobody minds, but I brought a friend. (She and Nikki are standing in the doorway)
NIKKI: Let the games begin.
[Nathan's Apartment]
(Nikki and Brooke are drinking together on the couch. Peyton, Haley and Lucas are sitting across from them watching)
HALEY: Maybe if we just invited her.
LUCAS: It's not your fault, Hales.
(Lucas is playing a handheld game)
HALEY: Who is this Nikki person anyway!
PEYTON: It's Jake's baby's mom. Yeah. She's a train wreck. (Something crashes in the other room)
HALEY: That did not sound good. (She goes to see) Excuse me. Coming through. (Nikki walks up to Lucas)
NIKKI: I like a guy who can keep a secret.
LUCAS: You asked me not to say anything.
NIKKI: So where's Jake?
LUCAS: Working tonight.
NIKKI: Really? Then we'll just have to have all fun. (They walk into the kitchen) Know if they have a carousel in this place!
LUCAS: Look, Nikki, you asked me to do you a favor, and I did it. Okay? I didn't tell Jake what happened. Now it's your turn to do me a favor, okay? Take Brooke and get her out of here before she starts something. Alright? My friend, Haley, she doesn't need this tonight, alright?
NIKKI: Need what? Just having a little fun. (Peyton stands next to her) I thought I smelled something.
PEYTON: Oh that's skank. And I think it's coming from you. (Lucas laughs) Come on, Lucas.
NIKKI: Please. (She takes another shot)
[Nathan's Work]
(The mall is empty and he and Gary are cleaning)
GARY: You don't remember it, do you? Homecoming.
NATHAN: I remember it. I told you I'm sorry.
GARY: What do you need this job so bad for anyway?
NATHAN: You saw my dad, right? If I can't show a judge that I can support myself, I've got to live with that guy.
GARY: Wow, then you better hope that I don't fire you.
NATHAN: Alright, here's the deal, man. I'm going to work hard because I need this job. Not because you're gunning for me. So you can either let it go and accept my apology, or you can just fire me right now.
GARY: Alright, I'll let it go, but you've got to do better, man.
NATHAN: I will. Pulp, all the way, man.
GARY: Okay, you can take off. You're having a party tonight, right? Well everyone at school knows about it.
NATHAN: You can stop by if you want.
GARY: Right, right. Pry your lips off my @#%$ and get out of here. I'll see you tomorrow.
NATHAN: Thanks, Gary.
GARY: Whatever.
[Nathan's Apartment]
(Brooke is waiting for a guy to fill her cup)
BROOKE: It's not gonna fill itself. (Peyton walks up to her)
PEYTON: So, you're hanging out with Nikki.
BROOKE: Sorry do I know you?
PEYTON: Look, Brooke, just don't cause any trouble tonight, okay?
BROOKE: Wait a minute, you're that tallish lying person I used to be friends with. Why don't you go crawling back to the boyfriend formally known as mine.
PEYTON: Okay this whole not being friends with you thing, is getting so much easier every time I see you. (She walks away; Brooke is disappointed)
[Bus Stop]
(Nathan is sitting on a bench and starts to call Haley's Cell and gets her machine)
HALEY: Hey, you've reached Haley James, congratulations. (he hangs up)
[Deb's House]
(She is drinking wine and putting Dan's trophies into a box. He walks in behind her and starts to pour wine for himself)
DEB: You're late.
DAN: Are you going to divide those up too?
DEB: And deprive you of your glory days? Wouldn't think of it.
DAN: (Pouring the wine) Oh, may I? Or should I pour half back? Why are we going through this charade, Deb? You're just going to have to unpack that stuff later.
DEB: Time to move out of denial, Dan.
DAN: Me in denial? You're the one sitting here creating busy work for yourself while our son gets a job at the mall. A direct result of your irrational need to rip the three of us apart.
DEB: I ripped us apart? You know, Dan if I wasn't half drunk I'd tell you to go screw yourself. Here they are. Your trophies. (She takes the box to him and drops it in front of him) Congratulations.
DAN: So this is what we've come to. Huh? Boxing up our lives, trading insults, drinking cheap wine.
DEB: Oh no, the wine's not cheap.
DAN: This is our wedding crystal.
DEB: No that's yours. I broke mine.
DAN: I don't want to do this, Deb. I don't want to divide up our lives.
DEB: Dan you already did. You divided this family a long time ago.
DAN: How? What did I do? What? By working hard? By building up the business? Giving you a nice life, a car in the driveway, clothes on your back.
DEB: You know what, Dan? You know, keep it all. Here. You want the car? Here. (She throws the keys at him) Keep the keys. You want the house? Take the house.
DAN: Deb, stop.
DEB: Here you want the clothes off my back? Here, take the clothes off my back. (She takes off her jacket then shirt)
DAN: Deb, stop. Will you stop!?
DEB: What? What else do you want, Dan?
DAN: You. I want you.
DEB: Don't say that. (he kisses her and she slaps him. He kisses her again)
[Nathan's Apartment]
HALEY: Be careful, please. Be careful. (Guys are carrying Mouth across the room) Mouth.
MOUTH: Little help. (Haley walks up to Lucas and Peyton)
HALEY: I cannot stop the madness. (Peyton gets a quarter in the cup)
PEYTON: Okay, you know what? Drink this, you look like you could use it. (Haley drinks it) Wow! (Brooke cuts in)
BROOKE: So you two are playing games. Watch out for them, they look like they might cheat.
NIKKI: Oh you're still here. I thought that you'd be running off to tuck in my kid.
PEYTON: Someone's got to.
NIKKI: Yeah well hopefully it's not some slutty boyfriend thief.
BROOKE: I'll drink to that.
PEYTON: Look, why don't you do what you're really good at and disappear.
NIKKI: You have a problem!
BROOKE: Wow, Nikki, she's not worth it.
NIKKI: Get off me. (She walks up to Peyton) I asked you if you had a problem.
PEYTON: Yeah, I do. It's called you, @#%$. (Nikki throws her against the refrigerator and slaps her. Peyton pushes her back onto a table and they fall onto the floor. They get up and start pulling on each other. Lucas pulls them apart.)
LUCAS: Haley, help me out here. (Nikki throws a stool towards Peyton and it goes out the window. They grab each other and break the coffee table) Come on! Stop! (People pull them apart)
BROOKE: (To Nikki) What the hell are you doing?
NIKKI: Isn't this what you wanted? (she is trying to get out of Tim's arms to go back to Peyton)
TIM: Stop!
LUCAS: You need to go!
NIKKI: Well isn't this sweet? Lucas Scott coming to the defense of his women. Oh, but wait. Shouldn't that include someone else? (Haley, Peyton and Brooke look at Lucas) Don't worry, I can keep a secret too. (She walks away. Peyton faces Lucas)
LUCAS: You sure you're okay?
PEYTON: What did she mean by that? Someone else? (Lucas pauses and looks around at her and Brooke)
LUCAS: She's the girl I met in the bar.
BROOKE: Lucas Scott betrayal train, all aboard.
PEYTON: Move. (She pushes past him)
BROOKE: And you called me easy. (She leaves. Nathan walks in)
NATHAN: Haley? What?
HALEY: Nathan! Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. (She hugs him. Cops walk in the door)
COP: Whose apartment is this? It's not going to be that hard to figure out so why don't you just save us some time.
NATHAN: Alright, it's mine.
COP: Everyone else, get out of here before we start checking ID's. (Everyone starts clearing out)
NATHAN: Wait, what are you doing?
COP: Writing you a citation.
NATHAN: Me? I didn't do anything!
COP: Underage drinking. Disturbing the peace.
LUCAS: Look, sir, he had nothing to do with this. He just got here.
COP: It's his apartment, it's his responsibility.
NATHAN: Great, I'm impressed. You learn that in detective school!
COP: So, you want to smart off. Fine. You can do that from a cell. (He puts handcuffs on him)
LUCAS: Come on!
COP: You want to join him? I didn't think so. Come on, let's go. (they lead him out)
[Deb's Room]
(She and Dan are lying in bed)
DAN: Do you remember Christmas break, first semester!
DEB: Yeah we stayed on campus because I was afraid to tell my parents I was pregnant.
DAN: We were in that dorm room for days. Everyone was gone. It was quiet. I remember thinking that maybe the world wasn't out there anymore. Maybe it's just the two of us. And all the trouble outside has just gone away. (The phone rings)
DEB: Great. (Dan answers)
DAN: Yeah?
VOICE: Mr. Scott, this is the sheriffs department.
DAN: What?
VOICE: You're son's been arrested.
DAN: Where?
VOICE: He's down at the station.
DAN: Okay.
DEB: Who was that?
DAN: That was the real world. It's still out there. I got to go.
[Police Department]
(Dan and Nathan are walking out)
DAN: Bang up job, Nathan. Every time I blink you seem to sink to a new low. Part of me thinks I should have left you in there.
NATHAN: Maybe you should have.
DAN: This experiment of yours is over. You're coming home.
NATHAN: Forget it!
DAN: Now!
NATHAN: No way.
DAN: Hey, I brought you into this world, I promise I can take you out.
LUCAS: Let him go. (He and Haley are standing behind him)
DAN: And the disappointments just keep on coming. You stay out of this.
LUCAS: Haley, go get an officer.
DAN: Let me get this straight. Your mom runs off and has a fling, I get the cops to drop the charges and now I'm the bad guy here?
NATHAN: Dad.
LUCAS: You might want to think before you start trying to make a case for what a great father you've been.
DAN: What do you know about me being a father?
LUCAS: Exactly.
DAN: You know what? Why don't you shut up and go talk to your mom. Tell her you want to know what really happened between us back then. And you. You want to ruin your life, go ahead. I'm done here. (He walks away)
LUCAS: Come on, it's late. We'll take you home. (Nathan nods and walks away with them)
[Lucas' House]
(Karen is sitting at the kitchen table when Lucas comes in)
LUCAS: Hey what are you doing up?
KAREN: You know I can't sleep until you're home. (Lucas sits with her) You know it meant a lot to Keith that you went to go see him. Are we going to talk about that!
LUCAS: It's not really my place, is it? You deserve to be happy, mom. I mean, no body deserves it more. But so does Keith. I just thought that you could be happy together.
KAREN: You know, I love Keith very much. I'm just not in love with him.
LUCAS: Were you ever?
KAREN: I guess I never really let my heart completely go there. In part because he has been a very good friend. And sometimes romance confuses a friendship.
LUCAS: Yeah. Well I can't tell you how to feel in your heart. It just sucks for Keith, that's all. Goodnight, mom.
[Nathan's Apartment]
NATHAN: Don't worry about it.
HALEY: I never thought this many people would actually show up.
NATHAN: Why?
HALEY: Because why would they? I mean, it's just me.
NATHAN: It kind of comes with the territory, you know?
HALEY: What territory?
NATHAN: Popularity. This was just your coming out party.
[Peyton's Room]
(She is lying in bed. Brooke walks in)
BROOKE: Who knew tutor girl could throw such a rager!
PEYTON: Who knew. (Brooke lies down next to her) So thanks for sticking up for me.
BROOKE: Nikki was kind of my responsibility, it was probably a mistake to bring her.
PEYTON: You think!
BROOKE: Judgment impaired by rage and cocktails, I admit it. I'm sorry. I want to call truce. A real one.
PEYTON: Friends again?
BROOKE: Just not enemies anymore. I was thinking about Lucas. You know, he's just a guy, he makes mistakes like all the rest of them.
PEYTON: Maybe. It just feels so much worse when you expect more from somebody.
BROOKE: Yeah, I know. (She starts crying) So that Nikki @#%$ is crazy. (They laugh)
PEYTON: You think it's possible you and me will ever get back to the way we were?
BROOKE: It doesn't feel like it sometimes.
PEYTON: Yeah.
BROOKE: I'm so tired.
PEYTON: Me too.
[Karen's Café]
KAREN: Hey.
KEITH: I got the job.
KAREN: That's great. I knew you would.
KEITH: Yeah, I actually think it was the tie.
KAREN: I'm pretty sure it was you.
KEITH: Oh man, I'll tell ya, I have felt for too long like everyone else is out there living their lives and when they said they wanted me, I felt good.
KAREN: So when do you start?
KEITH: A couple of weeks.
KAREN: Wow, that soon,
KEITH: Yeah, that soon.
[Deb's House]
(She is sitting with her old yearbook. Dan walks in)
DAN: Weird night.
DEB: You can say that.
DAN: You know I was thinking this morning that you should have this divorce.
DEB: What changed your mind?
DAN: I just realized the same thing I realized in the dorm room. The real world's always going to be out there. And there's no going back. (He leaves and Deb puts the yearbook in a box)
[Keith's House]
(He is packing a box. Lucas walks in and sits down with him)
[Nathan's Work]
(He is doing everything right and helping customers)
NATHAN: Welcome to Hot and Twisted, how can I help you?
[Outside School]
(Lucas is standing alone then starts walking with Peyton)
LUCAS: Hey.
PEYTON: Hey.
LUCAS: Look, I didn't know about Nikki and Jake until I met her.
PEYTON: So she was just some stranger in a bar you slept with? Lucas, you don't need to apologize. Okay? It's just that, after all the stuff that you and I had been through, where my head and my heart were at I couldn't have gone and just slept with some stranger. You know when you and I first met? I was with Nathan. And he was a pretty bad guy, if you remember.
LUCAS: Yeah.
PEYTON: I'm not doing that again. Who knew that you two would switch places? (She walks away and he is left standing alone) | Plan: A: Nathan; Q: Who is looking for an after-school job to pay his rent? A: However, Haley panics; Q: What happens when things get out of control? A: Brooke; Q: Who goes to the bar and meets Nikki? A: a "close friend; Q: What is Brooke not considered to be? A: a bar; Q: Where does Brooke go when she isn't invited to the party? A: the infamous Nikki; Q: Who does Brooke meet at a bar? A: Led Zeppelin; Q: What band did the episode "Nathan's Party" come from? Summary: Nathan looks for an after-school job to pay his rent and looks forward to the party that Haley is throwing for him that night. However, Haley panics when things get out of control. Brooke realizes that she isn't considered a "close friend," when she isn't invited to the party so she goes to a bar, meets the infamous Nikki and they decide to crash the party together. This episode is named after a song by Led Zeppelin . |
Broadcast: 23 May, 1964
Duration: 23 minutes 56 seconds
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: EXT. ISLAND
(The TARDIS dematerialises from the island and from Marinus itself.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: INT. TOMB
(The TARDIS rests in its next landing place - a dark tomb. A mummified corpse, dressed in elaborate robes and wearing an ornate mask lies on top of a flat stone slab. The body is surrounded by pieces of pottery and jewellery. The door of the ship opens and BARBARA is first out, followed by SUSAN. BARBARA sees the body and walks over to inspect it.)
BARBARA: (Excited.) Look at that!
SUSAN: I am.
BARBARA: It's an Aztec mask. He must have been a priest.
SUSAN: Well, the Aztecs were Mexicans. We must be on Earth again.
(BARBARA picks up one of the necklaces to inspect it.)
SUSAN: I wonder what year it is?
BARBARA: Oh, he must have died around 1430, I should think.
SUSAN: How'd you know that?
BARBARA: All these things belong to the Aztecs' early period.
SUSAN: That's what I call really knowing your subject.
(BARBARA has put down the necklace and now tries on a bracelet in the shape of a coiled serpent.)
BARBARA: Ah well, that was one of my specialties, Susan.
(SUSAN picks up a sharp knife.)
SUSAN: Well, what little I know about them doesn't impress me. Cutting up people's hearts.
BARBARA: Oh, that's only one side to their nature. The other side was highly civilised.
SUSAN: Well, the Spanish didn't think so.
BARBARA: Oh, they only saw the acts of sacrifice. (She continues to look through the relics.) That was the tragedy of the Aztecs. Their whole civilisation was completely destroyed, the good as well as the evil.
(SUSAN walks over to one of the walls which is covered in a mural.)
SUSAN: Cortez landed in ... 1520, didn't he?
BARBARA: (Agreeing.) Mm hmm.
SUSAN: (Laughing at the wall images.) Hey look, cartoons! They've got bubbles coming out of their mouths.
(SUSAN points out the speech bubbles on the figures on the mural. Her hands, touching the wall, start to push the section forward which starts to flip over on a pivot.)
SUSAN: Oh! Hey Barbara, look!
(BARBARA joins her at the now fully opened wall. SUSAN remains behind as BARBARA walks through the gap into the next room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER
(BARBARA is in a stone chamber, which is lit by torches and covered in elaborate carvings. SUSAN watches her through the gap.)
SUSAN: Don't go too far ...
BARBARA: It's alright. There's no one here.
SUSAN: I think I'll get the others.
(BARBARA walks further into the chamber.)
BARBARA: (To herself.) Its perfect!
MAN: (Shouting.) Woman! How came you here?
(BARBARA spins round. The owner of the voice is a tanned, elderly man stood in the doorway leading out of the chamber into the sunlight. He is dressed in an elaborate robe and head-dress. He carries a small posy of flowers in his hand.)
MAN: The temple is sacred to the memory of the high priest, Yetaxa. You trespass and must be punished!
(BARBARA walks backwards to the walldoor - but it has closed.)
MAN: (Turning to the entrance to the outside.) Warriors!
(Several robed warriors, carrying spears, enter the chamber and seize BARBARA. Suddenly the man catches sight of the coiled serpent bracelet still on her arm. His look turns to one of amazement and puzzlement.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. TOMB
(The DOCTOR, IAN and SUSAN exit the TARDIS. The DOCTOR carries his walking stick.)
DOCTOR: I don't care if she is interested in them, I've told her repeatedly not to go off on her own.
SUSAN: (Seeing the closed door and rushing over.) The door! It's closed!
IAN: Now where is this door, Susan?
SUSAN: Here (She pushes against the wall.) Ah ...
(The wall rises open again. The three step through into the chamber.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER
IAN: Barbara? Barbara? No sign of her.
SUSAN: Well, she was here just now.
(They walk out of the chamber into the sunlight.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE
(They are on a terrace, high up on a pyramid. The Aztec city is spread out below them.)
IAN: Doctor! Look at this extraordinary city down here!
DOCTOR: The Aztecs. They knew how to build.
(The DOCTOR turns to examine a large stone on the terrace - the sacrificial stone.)
IAN: We must be pretty high up here ... place seems absolutely deserted.
DOCTOR: Yes, I hope you're right, Chesterton. These Aztecs had some rather gruesome habits. (Referring to the stone.) I should hate to be carved up on that by some Aztec high priest ...
(They suddenly hear a rumbling sound from back inside the temple. They run back in ... .)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER
(..only to see that the entrance to the tomb is again sliding shut.)
IAN: The door!
DOCTOR: Quickly!
(They rush over but the door slams shut with a thud before they can get there. They try to re-open it.)
IAN: There's nothing to get a grip on.
SUSAN: There must be some way of opening it.
DOCTOR: Yes. You push it from the other side. These tombs were designed to prevent grave-robbers, not to aid and abet them.
(The man who earlier found BARBARA, in the temple walks in with an AZTEC CAPTAIN and bows.)
AUTLOC: Autloc, High Priest of knowledge, most ... most humbly greets the servants of Yetaxa.
(The three exchange looks.)
DOCTOR: The servants of whom, sir?
AUTLOC: Yetaxa, the High Priest.
IAN: Where's Barbara?
AUTLOC: Of whom do you speak?
IAN: The woman who was here a moment ago.
AUTLOC: In due time, you shall meet again. But first, grant us our courtesies. No evil exists in our hearts towards you. In fact, we honour you.
(The two Aztecs bow again.)
DOCTOR: Um, what is your name, sir?
AUTLOC: Autloc.
DOCTOR: And you are the High Priest.
AUTLOC: As such I serve.
DOCTOR: Do you know where we came from?
AUTLOC: The tomb.
DOCTOR: (Pointing at the wall.) Tell me, is there a way through from this side?
AUTLOC: The tomb is sealed. Go now with these attendants and soon you shall meet the one who wears the bracelet of Yetaxa.
(Several warriors enter and form up behind the three. AUTLOC and the CAPTAIN bow again and walk out of the chamber.)
DOCTOR: What's he talking about now?
SUSAN: He must be talking about Barbara. She picked up a bracelet from the tomb.
IAN: Well, perhaps we'd better go and meet her.
(The warriors escort the three out of the chamber.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE
(As they walk onto the terrace, the DOCTOR nods in passing to AUTLOC and the AZTEC CAPTAIN who bow again. He then spots something to his left. He stops and nudges IAN to look. He and SUSAN do so.)
SUSAN: (Recoiling in disgust.) Ughh!!
(Another Aztec, TLOTOXL, stands near the stone slab. He too is dressed in priestly robes but they are darkly spattered with blood. His face is heavily made up in odd patterns. He wears a headdress on his matted hair. He has a hunchback and narrow, sinister eyes.)
DOCTOR: You know who he is, hmm?
IAN: The local butcher, by the look of him.
DOCTOR: Exactly.
(They walk off. AUTLOC wanders over to his fellow priest.)
AUTLOC: You have seen her?
TLOTOXL: A vision is with us Autloc. When does it rain?
AUTLOC: This day, when the Sun's fire first touches the horizon to the west.
TLOTOXL: At that moment, shall I present her to the people. A vision is with us and shall stand before them. And I, in supplication to the Rain God, shall offer human blood. The rains will come. No more talk against us, that the Gods were against us and brought drought to the land. The rains shall come and power shall again be ours!
AUTLOC: I tell you the rains will come, with or without sacrifice.
TLOTOXL: (Wheeling round in anger.) Does the High Priest of Knowledge only worship the him who has fallen, not him who has made us strong?
AUTLOC: I worship the same god as you.
TLOTOXL: Then above all, honour him. He has made us rulers of the land. For this, he demands blood - and he shall have it!
(TLOTOXL storms off leaving a pensive AUTLOC behind.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: INT. TEMPLE ANTE ROOM
(The DOCTOR, IAN and SUSAN wait in an anteroom in the temple.)
SUSAN: Well, they've treated us alright so far.
DOCTOR: The Aztecs always showed the utmost courtesy towards their intended victims.
(SUSAN turns to reply but an AZTEC CAPTAIN enters the room. He raises his right forearm to his chest and bows to the three, the plumes on his headdress brushing the DOCTORS' face. He then waves them through the door he has just entered. The three comply.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER
(They walk into the main chamber.)
IAN: Barbara!
(BARBARA is seated on a stone throne. She is wearing ornate bright robes and a feathered head-dress which resembles the rays of the sun. She also still wears the bracelet of Yetaxa on her wrist. The AZTEC CAPTAIN steps forward and bows to her.)
BARBARA: Leave us.
(The CAPTAIN bows again, waves the other warriors out of the room and follows them out himself.)
DOCTOR: Hmph ... good gracious!
(BARBARA'S impassive face breaks into a smile which is returned by IAN and SUSAN.)
IAN: What on earth are you doing there?
BARBARA: They think I'm a reincarnation of that priest in the tomb.
(She holds up her arm with the bracelet.)
BARBARA: I found this and put it on. And when the High Priest caught me, I was still wearing it.
SUSAN: So he thought you were a god?
BARBARA: Yes.
SUSAN: But the priest in the tomb's a man. How can you be a reincarnation of him?
BARBARA: The form the spirit takes isn't important, Susan. This (Points to the bracelet.) is what's important.
IAN: Yes, that High Priest, What was his name?
DOCTOR: Autloc.
IAN: That's right, Orkloc ...
DOCTOR and SUSAN: Autloc!
IAN: Autloc - well, he said we were the servants of Yetaxa. Is that who they think you are?
BARBARA: Yes.
DOCTOR: Charming ...
IAN: And we're your servants?
DOCTOR: (Laughing.) Charming!
(All four break into laughter.)
BARBARA: Well, it's very useful for us, Doctor. It means we can go into the tomb anytime we want to, get into the TARDIS and leave.
SUSAN: We can't. It only opens from the inside.
DOCTOR: Reincarnations can come out, but human beings can't go in.
IAN: We must find out how that door opens.
DOCTOR: (To BARBARA.) That's one thing you mustn't do. As Yetaxa, you're supposed to know everything. If the Aztecs decide you're not what you're supposed to be, then we shall all die.
(AUTLOC and TLOTOXL walk in and bow.)
TLOTOXL: Great spirit of Yetaxa. I, Tlotoxl, High Priest of Sacrifice, salute you.
(They bow again.)
DOCTOR: (Whispers to IAN.) As you said, Chesterton - the local butcher.
BARBARA: I acknowledge the High Priests' greeting.
AUTLOC: For many days, the Rain God has looked away from us, and the land withers and our people groan.
TLOTOXL: We have prayed that the land may again be bountiful. And this day, we honour Tlolocs' name.
AUTLOC: When the sun's fire first touches the horizon to the west, the people will stand before the temple in obedience to our commands. We humbly beg, great spirit, that at that time the people shall see you and know that their suffering draws to an end.
DOCTOR: (Whispers to IAN.) And Barbara will appear, and down will come the rains ...
BARBARA: I shall do as the High Priest requests.
AUTLOC: We also ... beseech you, great spirit, to permit your handmaiden and your servants ... to move freely among our people.
DOCTOR: (Turns to BARBARA and bows.) O great spirit, grant us this ... our wish that we may be your eyes and ears among the people, to do our best and serve in all our interests. (He bows again.)
AUTLOC: The aged servant of Yetaxa speaks with wisdom.
BARBARA: My handmaiden remains with me. The others may do as you wish.
AUTLOC: We shall await you.
(AUTLOC and TLOTOXL bow and walk out. The DOCTOR follows them to the doorway to make sure they have gone and then walks back to BARBARA with a chuckle.)
DOCTOR: A wonderful performance, my dear! Congratulations! We now have everything ... we want, exactly.
BARBARA: We do?
DOCTOR: Yes. You and Susan here in safety, and Ian and I outside finding out about the tomb.
IAN: Yes, it sounds alright. But I don't think we should take our eyes off those two for a second.
DOCTOR: Oh, I shouldn't mind them. They're far too busy timing their miracle.
SUSAN: What miracle?
DOCTOR: Presenting Barbara to the public one second before it rains!
(BARBARA looks as if she has doubts ... )
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE
(AUTLOC and TLOTOXL stand on the terrace in the sunshine. TLOTOXL is thoughtful.)
TLOTOXL: Autloc ... who serves Yetaxa?
AUTLOC: We do, as High Priests of the temple.
TLOTOXL: What purpose then serve the others?
AUTLOC: Yetaxa has said ...
TLOTOXL: (Interrupting.) Would it not be better if one led our force of arms?
AUTLOC: The young man?
(The DOCTOR and IAN walk out onto the terrace behind them. TLOTOXL glances at them.)
TLOTOXL: A warrior favoured of the gods.
AUTLOC: But Ixta is our chosen warrior ...
TLOTOXL: Let Ixta prove himself more worthy than the servant of Yetaxa.
(The DOCTOR and IAN have overheard all of this and are whispering to each other. TLOTOXL turns to them.)
TLOTOXL: It has been decided. The old man may walk abroad, you (He points at IAN.) shall train to command our army.
DOCTOR: Surely that is for Yetaxa to decide, hmm?
IAN: Yetaxa would not refuse so great an honour. I accept.
TLOTOXL: Autloc, take the old man into the Garden of Peace, that he may sit in comfort.
(AUTLOC leads the DOCTOR away. TLOTOXL puts his arm around IAN'S shoulder.)
TLOTOXL: Come now, and encounter Ixta.
IAN: Who is he?
TLOTOXL: (With a smile.) Your rival to command.
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: INT. BARRACKS
(At the barracks, IXTA practices swipes with a spiked wooden club. He is a well built young man with long dark hair wearing a simple Aztec uniform. TLOTOXL and IAN walk in behind him and, unseen, watch his practice for a second.)
TLOTOXL: Ixta.
(IXTA turns and salutes the newcomers.)
IXTA: I greet you, Tlotoxl. (He looks at IAN.) What manner of warrior is this?
TLOTOXL: He is the servant of Yetaxa.
IXTA: I had heard that Yetaxa again guides us in wisdom ... and in strength. Would the High Priest care for me to demonstrate my skill?
(TLOTOXL waves his hand in agreement. IXTA moves off to prepare.)
TLOTOXL: (To IAN.) To command, one must prove oneself in courage, skill, intelligence. Ixta has taken many prisoners on the battlefield. He has no fear of death.
(IXTA clacks two wooden blades together to summon another warrior and, after a salute, gives the second blade to the other warrior. They start their duel. After a few strokes, IXTAS' blade is broken in two. He seizes up a wooden beam and continues the duel. After a few seconds, IXTA manages to wrest his opponents sword away, and starts slashing towards him with both weapons. His opponent backs off. IXTA throws one of the blades onto a nearby table, smashing a shield. IAN looks on with some concern.)
TLOTOXL: So shall other tribes fear the Aztecs even more.
(IXTA walks up to TLOTOXL and IAN.)
IXTA: (To IAN.) Tell Yetaxa that I shall serve well.
TLOTOXL: I shall carry your salutation for you. (He points at IAN.) He remains.
IXTA: (Angry.) Here dwell only warriors chosen to command!
TLOTOXL: I know it.
IXTA: (To IAN.) What name did your mother give you?
IAN: Ian.
IXTA: Then I tell you Ian, six warriors dwelt here. Only I remain. There is no fear of you in me - rather I welcome you. For one day, all men shall fear Ixta, the Aztec commander who killed the chosen servant of Yetaxa!
(IAN and IXTA eye each other coldly.)
TLOTOXL: Let him be clothed according to his rank.
IXTA: It shall be done. Is he to assist at the ceremony of the Rain God?
TLOTOXL: Ian is as you are ... a chosen warrior.
(TLOTOXL leaves.)
IAN: What duties must I perform at this ceremony?
IXTA: Honour with the rest of us. We shall deliver the human sacrifice to Tlotoxl!
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: EXT. GARDEN OF PEACE
(In a pleasant garden at the base of the temple, AUTLOC and the DOCTOR gaze at the other occupants.)
DOCTOR: What are all these people doing here?
AUTLOC: It is our law that all who attain their fifty-second year shall pleasurably pass the rest of their lives free from responsibility and care.
DOCTOR: Hmm, poor old souls, they must be bored to tears doing nothing!
AUTLOC: We often seek the accumulated wisdom of their years.
DOCTOR: What about?
AUTLOC: All manner of things. Each person here has served the community in one way or another.
(Several of the inhabitants of the garden are staring curiously at the High Priest and the strangely dressed newcomer. AUTLOC in turn, points out several of them to the DOCTOR.)
AUTLOC: He was a weaver of priestly garments, she was a woman of medicine, that man ...
DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) What about her?
(The DOCTOR has spotted a brown haired woman who looks a little younger than her companions.)
AUTLOC: Cameca? Of all those here, her advice is most sought after.
DOCTOR: What did you say her name was?
AUTLOC: Cameca. You'll find her a companion of wit and interest.
(The DOCTOR smiles.)
AUTLOC: And now I beg permission to depart.
DOCTOR: Of course.
(AUTLOC leaves. The DOCTOR walks up to CAMECA who is looking at some flowers.)
DOCTOR: In spite of the drought, there's plenty of water for the flowers?
CAMECA: Better to go hungry than starve for beauty.
(She passes a single flower to the DOCTOR.)
DOCTOR: Oh, thank you.
(He takes a sniff.)
DOCTOR: Mmm, all the perfume of the gods. I find this place delightful. Hmm, so restful ...
(He and CAMECA walk through the garden. The other inhabitants watch with interest.)
CAMECA: It is the Garden of Peace.
DOCTOR: Mmm, a very apt description.
CAMECA: The words of Chopal.
DOCTOR: Hmm? Chopal?
CAMECA: The man who built the temple.
DOCTOR: (Immediately interested.) Oh! He designed all this, did he?
CAMECA: As a labour of love.
DOCTOR: Yes, one senses that immediately. Does he come here often?
CAMECA: He watches over it constantly.
DOCTOR: Oh, I see ... he's a gardener ...
CAMECA: (Laughing.) Oh, no.
DOCTOR: But you said that he watches, ah ...
CAMECA: So he does. In spirit.
DOCTOR: (Disappointed.) Yes, I see. Dead. Hmm ...
CAMECA: Yes.
(They continue walking and come to a stone bench. The DOCTOR waves his hand towards the seat.)
DOCTOR: Er, please?
(They both sit.)
DOCTOR: I would like to have met him. You knew him?
CAMECA: Well ... his son lives.
DOCTOR: Ah...builder?
CAMECA: A warrior.
DOCTOR: Yes, and I suppose he knows much of his fathers work.
(He looks upwards at the pyramid.)
DOCTOR: I find the temple here very fascinating.
CAMECA: A meeting between you two could be arranged.
DOCTOR: My dear lady, I should be so grateful.
(An Aztec warrior walks up to them. He wears an elaborate Eagle helmet which covers his features. Then he speaks ... .)
IAN: Doctor ...
DOCTOR: (Amused.) My dear Chesterton! This dear lady has promised me to arrange a meeting between me and ... ah, between myself and the son of the man who built the temple.
IAN: Most kind of you, madam.
(CAMECA stands and salutes.)
CAMECA: Pray, excuse me, then you may talk more freely.
(She walks away. The DOCTOR looks after her, smiling.)
DOCTOR: A charming person.
IAN: Doctor ...
DOCTOR: So intelligent and gentle ...
IAN: Doctor ... there is to be a human sacrifice today, at the ceremony for the Rain God. And I have to ...
DOCTOR: (Snapping to attention.) Now just a minute - what are you supposed to do?
IAN: I must escort the victim to the altar, hold him down ... Doctor, I c ...
DOCTOR: Then do it man, do it! But don't interfere! Otherwise we ...
IAN: But ...
DOCTOR: There's no buts about it! If human sacrifice is essential here and it's their tradition, then let them get on with it. But for our sakes, don't interfere! Now promise me. Please promise!
(IAN doesn't reply.)
DOCTOR: I'll go and tell Barbara.
(He leaves a quiet IAN behind him and goes off to the temple.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. TEMPLE. ANTE ROOM
(BARBARA reclines and smells a flower whilst SUSAN tries on BARBARA'S feathered head-dress.)
SUSAN: Hey, Barbara.
(When she has her companions attention, she strike a pose. BARBARA laughs.)
BARBARA: It's just the thing for the royal enclosure at Ascot.
SUSAN: (In a funny voice.) Oh, the romance of being a handmaiden to a goddess!
BARBARA: Well. I must admit this end of it isn't too hard to take either.
(SUSAN takes the head-dress off and picks up a piece of jewellery.)
SUSAN: Hey, isn't this beautiful?
BARBARA: (Agreeing.) Mmm. You know, that's what gets me. I mean, take Autloc - he's sensitive, intelligent. And then there's ...
SUSAN: Then there's Tlotoxl. It's incredible, isn't it? Beauty and horror, developing hand in hand.
(She puts the piece of jewellery down with a shudder. The DOCTOR is heard outside.)
DOCTOR: (OOV.) Get out of my way! Go on, let me pass! I must talk to Yetaxa!
(He walks in flustered and SUSAN walks over to greet him.)
DOCTOR: Susan, please go outside and don't let anybody in.
SUSAN: Right.
(She leaves the room.)
BARBARA: What is it? What's happened?
DOCTOR: There is to be a human sacrifice today at the rain ceremony.
BARBARA: Oh no.
DOCTOR: And you must not interfere. Do you understand?
BARBARA: I can't just sit by and watch ...
DOCTOR: No, Barbara. Ian agrees with me. He's got to escort the victim to the altar.
BARBARA: He has to what?
DOCTOR: Yes, they've made him a warrior, and he's promised me not to interfere with the sacrifice.
BARBARA: Well, they've made me a goddess - and I forbid it.
DOCTOR: Barbara, No!
BARBARA: (Picking up the headdress.) There'll be no sacrifice this afternoon, Doctor. Or ever again. The reincarnation of Yetaxa will prove to the people that you don't need to sacrifice a human being in order to make it rain.
DOCTOR: Barbara, no ...
BARBARA: It's no good, Doctor. My mind's made up. This is the beginning of the end of the sun god.
DOCTOR: What are you talking about?
BARBARA: Oh, don't you see? If I could start the destruction of everything that's evil here ... then everything that is good would survive when Cortez lands.
DOCTOR: But you can't rewrite history - not one line!
(SUSAN runs in.)
SUSAN: Barbara, the High Priest is coming.
(BARBARA and the DOCTOR stare at each other.)
DOCTOR: Barbara, one last appeal: what you are trying to do is utterly impossible. I know, believe me, I know.
(BARBARA has put on her head-dress and stares coldly at the DOCTOR.)
BARBARA: Not Barbara. Yetaxa.
(She walks out of the room ... )
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. TEMPLE. MAIN CHAMBER
( ... and into the main chamber. An escort of warriors and the AZTEC CAPTAIN await her. She stands at their head. They turn and walk out to the terrace. BARBARA keeping in step.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE
(A bare chested man lies on the sacrificial stone. AUTLOC and TLOTOXL stand nearby and bow to her. BARBARA stares down at the man awaiting death. IAN in full ceremonial clothing including his Eagle headdress and IXTA in the same except he wears a Leopard headdress walk up to the assembled group then turn and face each other.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: INT. TEMPLE. ANTE ROOM
(The DOCTOR hugs SUSAN to him.)
SUSAN: Grandfather? Grandfather, what's happening? Why can't I see what is going on?
DOCTOR: You must stay here, child. You must.
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE
(AUTLOC walks to the edge of the terrace and, with his arms raised, shouts to the people below.)
AUTLOC: A vision has come to us, my people! The high priest Yetaxa has returned, that you may look once more look upon the sign of the coiled serpent. (To BARBARA.) Great spirit of Yetaxa, please stand forth that we may honour you.
(He bows low. BARBARA walks away from her escort to the terrace edge. As she appears to the people, they give out a mighty roar. She turns and walks back to the sacrificial stone. TLOTOXL bows to BARBARA, then pulls out a knife and holds it over the victim.)
TLOTOXL: (To IXTA.) Take his arms. (To IAN.) Take his legs.
(They do so. TLOTOXL raises his arms to the heavens.)
TLOTOXL: Great Tloloc, God of Rain - I, Tlotoxl, High Priest of Sacrifice, call upon you to look with favour upon our land ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: INT. TEMPLE. ANTE ROOM
TLOTOXL: (OOV.) Give us the water that is our life, and we will honour you with blood!
(SUSAN realises what is happening and pulls away from the DOCTOR'S hold.)
SUSAN: No!
(She runs out of the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: EXT. TEMPLE TERRACE
BARBARA: (To TLOTOXL.) Stop!
(SUSAN runs out, closely followed by the DOCTOR.)
SUSAN: No!
BARBARA: I, Yetaxa, command you. There shall be no more blood spilt.
(The intended victim jumps up from the stone and confronts BARBARA.)
FIRST VICTIM: You have denied me honour.
TLOTOXL: (Rushing to him.) Honour us then with your death.
(The VICTIM runs to the edge of the terrace, clambers on the wall, turns to look at BARBARA with contempt, then throws himself off the temple to his death. There is a moment of silence. TLOTOXL raises his arms to the heavens which start to darken. There is a rumble of thunder and a flash of lightening.)
TLOTOXL: (In triumph.) With death came rain!
BARBARA: Without your sacrifice came rain.
TLOTOXL: Does Yetaxa speak with the voice of the gods, or as the protector of a handmaiden?
BARBARA: As a god.
TLOTOXL: Then let the brave handmaiden be punished. She has cried out and desecrated sacred ground. She transgressed the law!
BARBARA: She did not know it.
TLOTOXL: Then let knowledge be beaten into her!
(SUSAN buries herself in the DOCTOR'S arms.)
BARBARA: No one shall be punished for an offence committed in ignorance.
TLOTOXL: I demand that she be punished!
BARBARA: No!
(She puts her arm around SUSAN.)
BARBARA: Let her instead be taught respect for your customs.
AUTLOC: I will take her to the seminary.
BARBARA: So be it, Autloc.
AUTLOC: The great spirit of Yetaxa has spoken.
(He leads SUSAN away as there is another crack of thunder.)
TLOTOXL: No, no, this is not Yetaxa (He shouts.) This is a false goddess! (Then to himself.) and I shall destroy her ... | Plan: A: the TARDIS; Q: What vehicle leads the Doctor and his companions to the Aztec people? A: 15th century; Q: When did the TARDIS arrive in Mexico? A: the crew; Q: Who is led to the Aztec people? A: the doomed Aztec people; Q: What people do the Doctor and Barbara meet in Mexico? A: brutal savagery; Q: What is the Aztec people a mixture of high culture and? A: Matters; Q: What is further complicated when Barbara is mistaken for a god? A: the Doctor; Q: Who becomes engaged to be married? Summary: The arrival of the TARDIS in 15th century Mexico leads the crew to the doomed Aztec people, a mixture of high culture and brutal savagery. Matters are further complicated when Barbara is mistaken for a god and the Doctor becomes engaged to be married. |
***** Angel's office. ***** Cordelia is walking into the office carrying the mail.
Cordelia: "Uh, look at all these bills: water... power... and my perennial favorite: the rent. What am I missing ?"
Doyle: "Not a thing I can see."
Cordelia: "Doyle, try to pay attention."
Doyle: "I am paying attention princess. We just need the income to pay for the outgo around here."
Cordelia: "Exactly ! You know ? This is a business and we should be running it like one. We should be charging. I know Angel has been working day and night helping people fight their personal demons, but I need a raise !"
Doyle: "A raise ? What, you've been working for him for like 20 minutes ?"
Cordelia: "A month, and I have needs."
Doyle: "Needs."
Cordelia: "A person needs certain... designer... things."
Doyle: "Personally I don't think you need much in the way of clothes. But you are right, and I do agree. Angel needs to start charging. He just hates bringing up the finances with the clients. He likes playing the hero... walking off into the dark with his long coat flowing behind him in a mysterious and attractive way."
Cordelia: "Is this a privet moment ? Because I can leave you alone."
Doyle: "No, no, I'm not saying *I'm* attracted. I'm just saying he's projecting a certain kind of image and asking for money isn't part of it. He's sensitive about that."
Cordy (elevator opens), getting up: "Oh, here he comes. Ok, we're going to stand up to him."
Doyle standing up: "Yup, we're standing up."
Cordelia: "Just as soon as he's had his coffee."
Doyle: "Right."
Angel, walking in: "Morning." Doyle and Cordelia, standing and watching him: "Morning." Angel pours himself a cup of coffee, drink and makes a face
Angel: "What is this ?"
Cordelia: "Last weeks coffee. Think of it as Espresso."
Angel: "I think my esophagus is melting."
Doyle: "Sure been making us proud these last few weeks fighting the evil and all that."
Cordelia: "Yeah, you been fantastic ! Saving people left and right..." Angel, interrupting not looking at them: "I'm not comfortable asking people for money."
Cordelia: "Then get over it ! (Angel looks at her) I mean that in a sensitive way."
Doyle: "Look, bud, I know it's not your favorite thing, but you've got to do what's right."
Angel: "You think it's right to ask people in trouble for money."
Doyle: "No."
Angel: "So we agree."
Doyle: "No."
Angel: "We don't agree."
Cordelia: "Make up your mind, will you ? (Doyle's face scrunches up in pain and hunches over the table.) Doyle ? (Angel walks over to him) Oh-oh, vision fit approaching."
Cut to smeared images of an office and a brown haired woman with shoulder length hair.
Doyle: "Pen.. Paper. (Cordy hands it to him) single malt scotch."
Angel, pouring him a shot: "What did you see ?"
Doyle: "Melissa Burns, works at Pardell Paper products." Cordelia flipping through the phone book: "Melissa Burns."
Angel: "How did she look ?"
Doyle: "Better than me. (takes a swallow from the cup makes a face) This ain't single malt... it's... polymalt!"
Cordelia: "Okay, Pardell Paper Products. 200 Wilshire Boulevard." Angel grabbing his coat and throwing it on: "I guess I'm going to work." Doyle watches him as he leaves the office (in slow motion) his coat flowing behind him. Cordelia looks over at Doyle.
Doyle: "Maybe I'm a little attracted." *Intro.* ***** Cut to Melissa's office. ***** There is a cake on the table with "Happy Birthday Benji" written on it.
Melissa: "I said Penny. I was very clear on the phone ! I even spelled it with letters... It's okay. I'll fix it. Here (hands the guy standing next to her a pack of candles) you do these." Melissa wipes of the bottom bulge of the B with her finger while the other guy sticks some of the candles on the cake.
Guy: "Ok, perfect."
Melissa: "Ok, light them."
Guy: "I'm lighting, I'm lighting ! (lights the candles) um, what about the 'J' ?"
Penny, walking in: "What's going on ?"
Guy and Melissa together: "Happy Birthday !"
Penny: "Oh, this is so sweet! (Looks at the writing) You've only been here a month and you already know four of the letters of my name."
Melissa: "It's just..."
Guy, with a half laugh: "Yeah !"
Melissa: "Well, we think that you should be Penji from now on. We think it suits you better !"
Guy: "Make a wish already !"
Penny: "Okay, wait (blows out the candles)."
Guy: "Yeah !" Melissa, handing a potted plant to Penny: "And I brought you this. I painted the pot myself so feel free to break it accidentally." Penny, accepting it with a smile: "Oh, don't be silly. Thanks !" A black guy comes in with a bouquet of white flowers.
Melissa: "Oh, look at that ! Looks like my little philodendron just got upstaged."
Penny: "Oh, no way. I don't know anyone with tastes that good !" Black guy, handing the card to Melissa: "And right you are. They are for Melissa."
Penny and guy: "Ooooh."
Melissa, accepting the card: "Who are they from ?"
Black guy: "I don't know. Delivery guy form Ned's Flowers." Melissa looks at the card and looks spooked.
Black guy: "Something wrong ?" Melissa, looking up and shaking her head: "No." (Walks away from the others.)
Guy: "No one ever sends me flowers." Melissa gets a bottle of pills out of her purse and hides it in her hands
Melissa, to Penny: "Would you watch my phones ?"
Penny: "Oh, sure, honey."
Cut to Melissa walking into the bathroom. She stares at herself in the mirror, shakes some pills out of the bottle and swallows them with some water.
Cut to Melissa walking into the parking garage. Angel is waiting in the shadows by her car.
Angel, stepping forward: "Melissa. (she spins around, then lets out a relieved sigh) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Melissa, walking on to her car: "Oh, I thought you were someone else."
Angel, following her: "Are you all right ?"
Melissa, stopping then walking on: "yes."
Angel: "My name is Angel. I'm in private security."
Melissa, turning to him: "Excuse me ?" Angel, pulling out a calling card and twists it in his hands: "It's... it's what I do. It's my job."
Melissa: "And you are walking around in underground garages telling people this because...?" Angel, holding the card out to her: "I think you maybe in need of my services." Melissa, looking at him for a moment then takes the card: "I don't think I can afford private security."
Angel: "It's not about money. You see, I just help people... sometimes when the police can't ?"
Melissa, getting in the car: "Out of the goodness of your heart ?"
Angel: "I'm not explaining this very well."
Melissa: "No, but thanks." Angel, as she gets ready to drive off: "If you need anything, just call that number !" ***** Cut to Angel's office. *****
Angel: "I scared her."
Doyle, sitting next to Cordelia: "Sounds to me like she was scared to begin with."
Angel, pacing: "Am I intimidating ? I mean... do I put people off ?"
Cordelia: "Well, as vampires go, you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black on black look."
Angel to Cordelia: "Maybe you should talk to her. She'd feel safer."
Cordelia: "When she hires us, I'll get involved."
Doyle: "Cordelia is right."
Angel: "I don't think so. I've got a bad feeling that we need get involved now. (walks over to them and leans on the table) This shouldn't be about money."
Doyle: "It isn't."
Cordelia: "Yeah, you should listen to... (looks hard at Doyle) It isn't ?!"
Doyle: "No, it's about doing what's best for the people you've helped (Angel straightens up) People get attached to a mysterious savior, and can you blame them ? But as long as you're just a man who's doing a job, and getting paid, they can feel like they've paid their debt to you and they can move on... independent like."
Cordelia to Doyle: "You are a lot smarter than you look (Doyle looks at her)... Of course you look like a retard." ***** Cut to the street. ***** Melissa walks up to an ATM. She tries to get money out, but her pin is invalid. Tries again. A tall guy in a nice suit with short gray hair and bald on top steps up next to her.
Ronald: "it won't work. (she recoils) I've changed your pin number. (smiles at her) I mean, Melissa, your birthday ? That's the first thing a thief would try."
Melissa: "What are you doing here ?" Ronald, punching a number into the ATM: "I changed it to 3-5-99... The day we met."
Melissa: "You have to stop doing this."
Ronald: "Stop looking after you ? Why ?"
Melissa: "I don't know what you want."
Ronald: "Oh, I just want you to be happy and healthy, silly... Speaking of... are you losing weight ? I think it's the tranquilizers. How many did you take in the bathroom at work today, 3 ?"
Melissa: "How do you know what I did..."
Ronald, interrupting her: "I've got to be honest. I don't see them helping with the anxiety. Now I prescribed a Calcium-Selenium supplement Did you take it ?"
Melissa: "I..."
Ronald: "No, you threw it in the drawer the minute you got home. These things are for your own good."
Melissa: "Why can't you just leave me alone ?"
Ronald, staring at her: "How can two people in love leave each other alone ?"
Melissa: "In love ?!... Ronald, we had one date..."
Ronald: "Honey, honey, don't get upset !... I take commitment pretty seriously, and I know you do, too. Did you have a rough day at work ? Is that it ? (Pager goes off) Oh, (looks at the number) surgery. I have to run. (takes the money out of the ATM slot and hands it to her) Oh, don't forget your money, sweetheart. (she takes the money hesitantly, but when he leans in to kiss her good-bye she recoils. He pulls back) I'll see you tonight." ***** Cut to Angel's office. ***** The phone rings.
Cordelia: "Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless. (looks up at Angel as she listens) Well, I'd say right a way. (hangs up phone) She's coming in." Angel, looking at his dark sweater: "I've got to change my shirt." ***** Cut to Angel's office, later. ***** Melissa is sitting in the office, drinking coffee.
Melissa: "It's been going on for about 7 months now. It wasn't so bad a t first."
Angel (wearing an off-white sweater): "What's his name ?"
Melissa: "Dr. Ronald Meltzer. He's a neurosurgeon. I had an infected nerve... behind my right eye. He operated, saved my sight. Afterwards he asked me out. I didn't really want to, but..." Cordelia (taking notes with a pad and pencil): "He helped you, you felt obligated. (Melissa nods)... Plus, a doctor."
Melissa: "So we had *one* drink, *one* time... and afterwards he started calling me, a lot. Then he started showing up at my work, my apartment... saying that we had something special, that we should get married."
Angel: "And then it got worse ?"
Melissa: "I know it sounds stupid, but I can feel him watching me... all the time. Today at work, he knew I took my Xanitab when I was alone in the bathroom. I mean, how did he see that ? He is just everywhere. I don't think I can take much more of this."
Angel: "Well, we're going to help you."
Cordelia: "Big time... and for a reasonable fee." (Gets a look from Angel and ducks her head.)
Angel: "Doyle will make sure that you get home safely."
Melissa: "Thanks. You guy's have been very kind, listening to me. (takes a sip of coffee) It's terrible."
Doyle: "Yeah, we're going to take care of that." Melissa, setting down the cup and getting up to leave: "No, I mean the coffee. (turns before she reaches the door) Angel, how did you know that I needed help ?"
Angel: "I have a friend in the police department." Doyle, to Angel as he follows Melissa out: "I'll see you later."
Cordelia: "Can you imagine ? A doctor... they examine your body... they know every inch of you. (shudders) ugh !"
Angel: "How is he doing it ? How does he see her when she's alone, in private ?... Is he invisible ?... Or some kind of ghost ?... Maybe he can astral project."
Cordelia: "Maybe he has an accomplice... or a hidden camera. Not everything has to be creepy and supernatural, you know."
Angel: "Not everything, but Doyle had a vision."
Cordelia: "Which last time led to a sex-changing-body-switching-tear-your-innards-out-demon, right. I guess they don't call you for their every day cases."
Angel, sitting down thinking: "He sees her when he is nowhere around... How ?"
Cordelia, turning to go: "Okay, flesh, anytime you want to stop crawling is okay with me."
Cut to Melissa drawing the curtains closed in her bedroom and brushing her hair in front of the mirror.
Cut to Ronald sitting alone in the dark in his office sipping a scotch. There is a picture of Melissa in front of him on the desk.
Cut to Melissa getting undressed.
Cut to Ronald holding the bridge of his nose with one hand.
Cut to Melissa opening the back of her slip.
Cut to Ronald taking his hand down. His right eye-socket is empty.
Cut to an eyeball floating in the air with a few nerve endings trailing behind. Camera pans around to show Melissa getting out of her slip, her back to the eyeball. ***** Cut to the police department. ***** Angel walks up to Kate's desk.
Angel: "Hello, Kate." Kate, getting up and folding her arms in front of her: "Angel. Um, hi... It's good to see you."
Angel: "You too."
Kate: "So judging by your uncomfortableness, I'd say you either about to ask me out on a date, or you need a favor. (Angel just looks at her) And I'm going to go with favor. (sits down) so ask, and I'll see if I can do."
Angel, sitting down: "Girl... a client. She's being stalked, and I think it could get ugly."
Kate: "She's being stalked ? Then ugly it already is. What's her name ?" ***** Cut to Melissa's work. ***** Doyle walks next to Melissa.
Melissa: "You know you really don't have to stay with me all day."
Doyle: "Protect and serve. It's entirely my bag. As long as I'm not in the way."
Melissa: "Oh, no. I like it. As long as you're not bored."
Doyle: "No, no. I'm good. I have a word jumble right here. That should keep me occupied, sadly, for most of the day." Melissa, sitting down at her desk: "I do feel better having you all on the case. I guess Angel has handled a lot of cases like this."
Doyle: "Dozens. Hundreds. Dozens of hundreds."
Melissa: "Wow, it happens that often ?"
Doyle: "Well, exactly like yours ? Not quite so many. But protecting young women such as yourself ? Yeah, there've been... ah... 4. And 3 of them are very much alive. (she gives him a shocked look and he quickly points at a picture on her desk) Is that you ?"
Melissa: "Ah, yeah. Bungee jumping."
Doyle, picking up the picture: "I've always meant to do that, but I intensely don't want to, so I haven't gotten around to it yet."
Melissa: "It's fun. Scary." Doyle, replacing the picture and sitting down: "You don't seem like the thrill seeker type."
Melissa, looking at the picture: "Well, I used to... You know, I used to do a lot of things... before..."
Doyle: "Don't you worry. When Angel is finished with this case I can guarantee you'll be wanting to jump off a bridge again." ***** Cut to the police department. ***** Kate comes to her desk with a file in her hand.
Kate: "Your girl did file a report two months ago. The doctor responded and denied everything. (sits down) A lot of noise from his lawyers. Ouch.."
Angel: "What ?"
Kate: "His lawyers. Wolfram and Hart. You know the name ?"
Angel: "I've heard it."
Kate: "Yeah. They're the law firm that Johnny Cochran is too ethical to join. They actually filed a restraining order against *her*. Very cute. Still no record of violence for the doctor."
Angel: "Yet."
Kate: "You think he's going to blow ?"
Angel: "I do."
Kate: "I'll put a uniform on her building. But I can probably not spare one for more than a day or two."
Angel: "Thanks. That'll help."
Kate: "And your client, she's holding up?"
Angel: "She's scared. He's had her on the ropes for a while now."
Kate: "Then you better help her get mad, because that is the only way she'll be able to fight him."
Angel: "Well, hopefully I'll be doing the fighting. That's why she hired me."
Kate: "That's not what I mean. This guy could go to jail tomorrow, Angel, and still kill her in her dreams every night. I've put a few of these creeps away and the hardest thing is to know that he is still winning. She's still afraid. He took her power away and no one can get it back for her but her." ***** Cut to an unknown clinic. ***** Angel is walking down the hallway of the expensive clinic. He sneaks into Dr. Meltzer's office and starts to look around. He hears the doctor consulting with a patient through a half open door. He checks his book shelf and pulls out a book called "Anything is Possible". It has a personal dedication in the front.
Dr. Meltzer, walking in: "What are you doing in my office ?" Angel with his back turned to the doctor sticks the book in the inside pocket of his jacket and while turning around pulls out a business card out of the same pocket and hands it to Dr. Meltzer.
Angel: "Name's Jensen. I need to talk to you."
Ronald, taking the card: "Then you make an appointment. You don't just barge in here."
Angel: "I don't have time for appointments. I'm told that you can do things no one else can."
Ronald, picking up the phone: "You'll never find out. I'm calling security."
Angel: "My wife has a malignant tumor that's pressing on her ocular cavity. She' going to die unless someone has the nerve to operate."
Ronald, hanging up the phone: "What you are talking about is a very difficult and dangerous procedure. I could lose my license. Now, I understand your situation, but I can't help you." Angel, picking up Melissa's picture from the desk and holding it up to Ronald: "What does she mean to you ?"
Ronald: "What ?"
Angel: "What is she, your wife, your girlfriend ? What ?"
Ronald: "She's my fiancée."
Angel: "Nice. Set a date ?"
Ronald: "Uh... ah... we're working that out."
Angel: "Did you know right away ?... That she was the one ?"
Ronald: "I don't see how this has anything..."
Angel: "I tell you how. Do you know what it's like to be so much a part of someone that you don't know where they end and you begin ? (hold up Melissa's picture) Would you die for her ?"
Ronald: "Yes."
Angel: "Then you understand that I'm not willing to make any compromises. I'm not willing to watch her suffer and die while the law catches up with science. What I'm willing to do, is pay you what ever it takes... Think about it... Please." ***** Cut to the Good Samaritan Hospital. ***** Cordy is interviewing a nurse.
Nurse: "Another article about Meltzer."
Cordelia: "Well, our readers at the... uhm (glances down at some magazines) journal of diagnostic orthoped... etcetera seem endlessly fascinated with him."
Nurse: "He is fascinating. Before he became an ocular surgeon he specialized in orthopedics. He developed nerve and blood vessel accelerants that helped a lot of people."
Cordelia: "How ?"
Nurse: "When you sever a limb there is only so much time to reattach before it atrophies."
Cordelia: "Yuck !"
Nurse: "What ?"
Cordelia, smiling: "Nothing, please go on."
Nurse: "Dr. Meltzer's work extended that time significantly. Plus he's of one of the best at reattaching severed nerves."
Cordelia: "So he is good at the cutting and the sewing. Did he ever strike you as a big dangerous creep ?"
Nurse: "What ? What kind of article are you writing ?"
Cordelia: "I've got to be honest with you. It may not be a very nice one. I don't like the way he treats women. I'll keep your name out of it, but just between us... what's the real dish on this guy ?" Nurse, looking around to make sure there is no one close: "He is not very generous. He doesn't share his techniques with the medical community at large and a lot of what he claims to have done is pretty radical."
Cordelia: "Like what ?" ***** Cut to Angel's office. *****
Cordelia, pacing: "Like reattaching eyes for one thing. Apparently this guy can do anything with a knife. You so don't want this guy fixated on you. What is stalking now a days... the third most popular sport among men ?"
Angel, typing on the computer: "Fourth... after Luge."
Cordelia: "I don't get it. This guy has a lot to lose. What is it about Melissa that got him to go all O.J. on her ?"
Angel: "Nothing. It's not about Melissa, it's about rage. This guy is too messed up to deal with a real woman and he can't stand that. So he creates a fantasy about a girl he barely knows. But eventually even she fails him. So he has to hurt her, because when he looks at her all he sees is how useless he is, how damaged..."
Cordelia, interrupting him: "Uh, what a fun date you must have been in back in your bad vamp days. (sits down) On the other hand, it should give you some insight into the jerks of the world."
Angel: "I know how this guy thinks, I just don't know how he's doing it."
Cordelia: "Being everywhere at once ?" Angel, showing her the book he stole from the doctor's office: "Vinpur Natpudan says that we are everywhere at once since we are all made up of the same molecules."
Cordelia: "I remember that guy. He made a big noise a few years ago on public television. Huh. Then had a big case of Joe Recluse."
Angel, looking at the computer: "What he had was a nervous breakdown. Not long after he conducted an exclusive retreat for a group of well known yogis and doctors."
Cordelia: "I'm guessing Dr. Stalker was at that retreat ? What are you doing ?"
Angel: "Sending Joe Recluse an e-mail. I'd really like to talk to him." Cordelia, reading what he is typing: "I hope you have the nerve to believe that I need help with Ronald Meltzer. (looks down and reads the dedication in the front of the book) hope you have the nerve to believe - did you steal this book ?"
Angel: "Yeah."
Cordelia: "Good."
[SCENE_BREAK]
***** Cut to Vinpur's darkened room. ***** Angel is sitting in the room.
Vinpur: "You said in your e-mail that Dr, Meltzer might hurt an innocent woman. What is it that you think I can do about that ?"
Angel: "Help me understand him better. I don't think he is like other people."
Vinpur: "No, he's not... Of course no two people are alike. God in his infinite variety and wisdom likes to keep it interesting."
Angel: "How did you meet him ?"
Vinpur: "He came to one of my lectures. My operating thesis at the time was that the mind is the single most powerful force in the universe. In any average human it regulates billions of cells, and that is with 80% of the brain still untapped."
Angel: "So what are the possibilities if a person could master all that power."
Vinpur: "I introduced Dr. Meltzer to psychic surgeons, Yogis that can shut down their somatic system for days a t a time. But he eclipsed us all. Until Dr. Meltzer my studies had been based on theories and hearsay, but he exploded that all. That's when I stopped teaching."
Angel: "Because you stopped believing."
Vinpur: "No, because I began to believe... completely." ***** Cut to Melissa's house, at night. ***** Ronald is standing outside the rod iron fence staring in.
Cut to Melissa sleeping in her bed.
Cut to a police car pulling up to the curb. The Officer gets out.
Officer: "All right, pal... why don't you just turn around... nice and easy... put your hands in the air." Ronald, turning around, his hands in his pockets: "I was just out for a walk."
Officer, pulling his gun: "Hands, now !" Ronald pulls out his hands with a slight smile. His arms end in two stumps, no hands.
Cut to a severed hand crawling up the side of Melissa's bed. A second one follows.
Cut to the officer holstering his gun.
Officer: "I'm sorry we got a report of someone... not you."
Ronald: "That's quite all right, officer. Just doing your job. I understand." (Walks off.)
Cut to the hands slipping under Melissa's blanket. She wakes, looks under the blanket and screams.
Cut to the officer as he is calling in his report standing next to his car. He hears the scream and runs towards the house. He smashes in the glass of the door to open it from the inside and runs up the steps.
Cut to Melissa frantically undoing the safety chain on her door. The officer steps in gun drawn.
Officer: "What's wrong ?"
Melissa: "Oh, he's.."
Officer: "Did someone break in ?... Lady I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. Now, did someone break in or are you just having a bad dream ?"
Melissa, pointing to her bedroom: "In there !" The officer inspects the room and bathroom with his gun drawn. There is no one there. He holsters his gun.
Officer: "Okay. Everything's okay now. Look there is nobody in your bedroom, there is nobody in your bathroom. Now if you want to start from the beginning and just tell me.." One of the hands grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him back. Melissa screams.
Officer: "Oh, god."
Cut to Ronald watching the house from outside with a smirk on his face.
Cut to the upstairs hallway. The officer comes stumbling out into the hallway. Two disembodied hands are choking him. Melissa runs screaming past him down the stairs and out of the house and right into a guy.
Angel, stopping her: "It's me. It's me."
Melissa: "He's... he's in there... His... his hands..."
Angel: "I know, I know what he can do."
Melissa: "He killed a... Please don't leave me alone ! Please don't leave me !"
Angel: "It's all right. It's all right. (Melissa buries her face against his chest and cries) I'm not going to let him near you. Shh !" As Melissa continues crying, the camera pans over to show us Ronald watching them from outside the fence. A hand crawls along the ground and up his leg then reattaches itself to the end of his arm. Ronald takes one last look at Angel holding Melissa then walks away. ***** Cut to the front of Melissa's house. ***** A bunch of people is crowing. he officer's dead body is being wheeled out. Doyle is handing Melissa a cup of coffee. She is wrapped into a blanket.
Doyle: "Here drink up, love. It's over."
Cut to Angel and Kate walking up.
Kate: "She is not making a lot of sense."
Angel: "She's been living in terror for the last 5 months."
Kate: "You think it's the doctor."
Angel: "I know it's the doctor." Kate, putting her hands on her hips: "How could he do it ? I mean, she's got bars on her windows. The security cameras in the hallway show our officers going in and nobody suspicious all day. I mean, who is this guy, Houdini ?"
Angel: "Something like that."
Kate: "I've pulled prints. If they match his, he's going down."
Officer, from off screen: "Detective ? Can you sign the coroners release ?" Kate walks off and Angel walks towards Doyle and Melissa. Doyle sees him coming and meets him half way.
Angel: "How's she doing ?"
Doyle: "Numb... Did they get any prints ?"
Angel: "Yeah."
Doyle: "Good. So we can put him behind bars... for about 90 seconds, until he skitters through 'em. (shakes his head) Not a lot of things that make me shudder, but this guy... crawling around under the covers... At least it was just his hands down there. Wish I hadn't even thought that."
Angel: "He's coming undone."
Doyle: "I'll say."
Angel: "No, I mean he's out of control. He's killing now."
Doyle: "Anyone that comes between him and his obsession. (Looks over at Melissa) Don't we stand between him and his obsession ? I'm not putting too cowardly a point on it... but if this guy can't be contained and he can't be killed, what are we going to do about it ?"
Angel: "If his body parts go long enough without any blood and oxygen, they're going to deteriorate, he's not gonna be able to put himself back together no matter how much psychic surgery he knows."
Doyle: "So what are you saying ? Break him down and box him up ?"
Angel: "Of course that's just a theory."
Doyle: "Hmm. What do we do in the mean time ?"
Angel, looking over at Melissa: "Protect her." ***** Cut to Angel's apartment. ***** Doyle is putting a duct tape over a vent.
Doyle: "It's not good for the ventilation, but he's not getting in here. (Cordy touches his collar and he jumps) What..."
Cordelia: "I was just trying to fix your collar."
Doyle: "Yeah, well, what say we just leave it crooked until this thing's resolved." They walk into the other room where Angel and Melissa are sitting at a table. Melissa, sipping from a cup of tea: "I don't see how this can... I mean this can't be happening. What I saw... you must think I'm crazy."
Angel: "No, I believe you."
Melissa: "But it's not possible. I mean, he can really..."
Angel, noding: "Yes !... Remember I told you I sometimes handle things the police can't ? (Melissa nods) This is one of those things... I'm going to take care of him. Doyle and Cordelia are going to stay here with you. I want you to try and get some rest." Doyle flips the latch closed on the trap door to the sewers and secures it with a bolt. Cordelia offers Melissa a tissue.
Melissa: "Thanks, but I'm not going to cry any more. At least I hope not. I'm tired of crying and being afraid."
Angel: "You don't have to be afraid."
Melissa: "You're just duct taping me in for fun ?"
Angel: "You've survived a living hell these last few months and you're still standing, while he's coming unhinged at not being able to control you. He's the weak one. You're the strong one."
Cordelia: "You should listen to him, Melissa. He knows what he's talking about. He's stalked plenty of (Angel and Melissa look at her) books on the subject. (to Angel) Could I see you upstairs for a moment ?"
Cut to Cordy and Angel going up in the elevator.
Cordelia: "Okay Melissa stays here with us that makes sense, but the part about you taking care of the doctor... This guy is *really* dangerous." Angel opens the elevator, walks over to the desk and starts flipping through the yellow pages.
Cordelia: "What are you doing ?"
Angel: "Seeing where I can get some steel boxes at this hour of the night."
Cordelia: "Steel boxes ? Why would you want... Oh. For packing up people parts... You know this job... Don't get me wrong I'm grateful to have it. God knows it's educational, but sometimes... (she jumps as the phone rings) God who's calling at this... (looks down at the phone and sees the line 3 light blinking) It's the special line."
Angel: "Answer it."
Cordelia: "Right, right. Okay. Now, who are we again ? Johnson International Holdings ?"
Angel: "Jensen."
Cordelia: "Jensen. Good, got it. Jensen, now does that sound like an international name ?"
Angel: "Cordelia."
Cordelia, picking up the phone: "Jensen International Holdings. How may I direct your call ?... Please hold. (puts him on hold) It's him." Angel takes a deep breath and picks up the phone on his desk.
Angel: "Brian Jensen."
Ronald: "You're working late."
Angel: "Down side of being global."
Ronald: "If you still want me to, I'll operate on your wife."
Angel: "I do, thank you."
Ronald: "We'll have to do it out of the country, and I need $100 000 in cash to get things rolling."
Angel: "Are you in your office ?"
Ronald: "Yes."
Angel: "I'll bring it to you tonight." (Hangs up the phone.)
Cordelia: "You're going over there ? What if he comes apart on you ?"
Angel: "If he comes apart on me, he's going to stay that way." (Gets up.) ***** Cut to Ronald's office. ***** Ronald is sitting in his office. Angel comes in carrying a steel box.
Ronald: "That's a big box. You didn't have to bring it in small bills Mr. Jensen." Angel, putting the box on the table: "Actually I didn't bring..."
Ronald: "Any money at all ? No, I didn't think you would. Though the safety deposit box is a nice touch. I mean your name is not really Jensen. You don't have a wife. What a tangled web, eh ?" Ronald reaches for something on the desk with his left hand, and while Angel's attention is on his left hand, he lifts his right and shoots Angel right into the neck with a tranquilizer dart.
Ronald: "I developed this injector while working with animals. (Angel pulls out the dart and looks at it. It drops from his fingers) They don't like their limbs cut off any more than we do and they can hurt you if you get to close. (Angel is gasping, his eyes wide) You'll feel a slight sinking sensation... that's your heart slowing down as the paralytic takes effect. Eventually it'll stop all together. (Ronald stands up) I just can't get over the audacity... to think that you could take her from me ? (Angel's knees are sagging) I saw you. I saw you holding her. (Angel drops on all fours) Nobody can break the bond between us. Nobody. (Ronald picks up a scalpel from his desk) Clearly even she can't accept that. If tried so hard to show her in so many ways. I've taken care of her... been there for her... even when she didn't know it. (Angel rolls onto his back on the floor. Ronald's voice becomes distorted) If that isn't devotion. And what do I get for my trouble ?... She lies, she cheats. But no more. I won't be made a fool of. She would have made a beautiful bride." As Angel finally passes out all together, Ronald leaves the office. ***** Cut to Angel's appartment. ***** Doyle is taping up yet another vent. Doyle, walking over towards the bedroom looking around: "I got everything, I think."
Cordelia: "Shh. She's resting. (motions to Melissa sleeping on Angel's bed) What did you put in her tea ?" Doyle, still looking for holes he might have missed: "Enough whiskey to drop my Aunt Tudy. That woman had some girth."
Cordelia, sighing: "What's the point ?"
Doyle: "Well, it tastes good and it relaxes you."
Cordelia: "No, I mean of ever going out with anyone."
Doyle: "Well, people need people. And people who need people (takes a step closer to Cordy) are the luckiest.." Cordelia, putting a hand on his chest and pushing him back: "Either you like them and they don't like you. Or you can't stand them which just guarantees that they'll keep on hovering around and never go away."
Doyle: "Uh,... yeah, I just hate guys like that. (steps away with a sigh) I'll just check on..." (Walks away.)
Cordelia, folding her arms: "It's just so unfair. I mean, here is this poor girl. She hooks up with a doctor. That's supposed to be a good thing. I mean you should be able to call home and say: 'Hey, mom, guess what, I've met a doctor ! Not, guess what, I met a psycho and he's stalking me and oh, by the way, his hands and feet come off and he's not even in the circus !" Camera pans over to a vent. Fingers are poking through the duct tape.
Doyle: "Not every relationship leads to disaster."
Cordelia: "You ever had one ?"
Doyle: "Not me personally. But I've read..."
Cut to Melissa sleeping on the bed.
Cordelia, checking her watch: "What if Angel doesn't come back ?" Doyle, still putting more tape over something: "Ah, he'll be back."
Cordelia: "What if Dr. Chopped Salad shows up before he does ?" Doyle, ripping off another piece of tape: "I have this place sewed up tighter than..." They hear a rattling noise.
Cordelia: "What was that ?" Doyle gets up and slowly walks over towards the living room. He pulls two weapons free from a brick wall as he passes it and hands one to Cordy.
Doyle: "Just the wind." The camera pans up to show them slowly advancing into the living room weapons raised as a disembodied eye watches from behind a pipe.
Doyle: "So, you want to play some cards - or you want to watch the tube."
Cordelia: "Sure, how about some... gin ? Penny a point ?"
Doyle: "Yeah, you'll owe me money."
Cordelia: "We'll see about that." The rattling starts again. It's the trap door to the sewers.
Doyle: "Cordelia." Two fingers come up through a slit and start to work on pushing the bolt aside.
Cut to another hand opening the door to the apartment. Ronald steps in and the eyeball floats up and back into its socket.
Cut to Cordy and Doyle watching as the fingers push the bolt to the side. Doyle crouches down next the trap door, hatchet at the ready and flicks the latch back. He opens the trap door and peers into the tunnel below. Ronald puts a hand over Cordy's mouth from behind, slams her into a wall and then out through the door, while the other hand pulls Doyle head first through the trap door, which slams shut behind him. Ronald shuts the door and turns around to look at Melissa who is sitting on the edge of the bed looking at him. She watches as his second hand comes over and melds back into place.
Ronald, adjusting his tie: "Hi. Getting some rest ?"
Melissa: "I... What are you ?"
Ronald: "I'm more than meets the eye. But you never bothered to find out, did you ? You just took advantage of my kindness. (Pulls a surgeon's scalpel out of his jacket) Led me on until you could find yourself a vacuous LA pretty boy." Melissa tries to run past him and he cuts her off and corners her up against the wall.
Ronald: "I'm very disappointed in you, Melissa." Melissa, staring at the scalpel in his hand: "I know... I didn't mean..."
Ronald: "No, no, no. no. Stop now. You're babbling."
Melissa: "I think... I think you disappoint yourself. I think you gave up on being loved a long time ago and now you're just another creep who gets off on pain."
Ronald: "Now don't try your little childish..."
Melissa: "I think you know that I would be crazy to want to touch you, to wake up next to little pieces of what ever you are."
Ronald: "Shut up."
Melissa: "You turned yourself into a freak, Ronald, a vile, repulsive freak. And I'm done being afraid of you. You can cut me and you can kill me, but it still won't change what you are. (his throat is bulging strangely) Angel was right. You're weak !"
Ronald: "I'm weak ? Then how was it I killed him ?" The door slides open behind him and he looks around.
Angel: "Inefficiently."
Ronald: "You can't be alive. You... you're not human !"
Melissa, backing away from him: "You should talk." Ronald's teeth fly out and bite Angel's arm. Angel smashes them against a wall and Ronald claps his hand over his mouth in pain. As Angel advances on him he slams the scalpel into his shoulder. Melissa screams but it barely slows Angel. Ronald throws his right hand, which grips Angel's throat and slams him back on the floor. Ronald turns towards Melissa. Angel rips the hand off and throws it away. It comes skittering back towards him and he pulls the scalpel from his shoulder and stabs it with it, pinning it to the floor.
Ronald, to Melissa: "We could have been so happy." (One of his ears falls off.)
Angel: "Ronald." As Ronald turns around Angel hits his head with a pipe, sending the head flying across the room.
Angel, stepping up to Melissa: "Are you all right ?" She just gasps and he holds her carefully. ***** Cut to Angel's office, the next day. *****
Cordelia, making coffee: "Oh, goody, recycled coffee, my personal favorite." She adds some fresh grounds to the ones already in the filter and starts the machine. Angel walks in wearing a dark blue shirt and hands her some papers.
Cordelia: "Oh. That guy's never going to put himself back together, right ?"
Angel: "He's in 12 steel boxes buried in 20 cubic feet of concrete in the floor of LA's newest subway station."
Doyle: "That ought to bring in the tourists." The door opens and Melissa walks in carrying a potted plant.
Melissa, smiling: "Hey."
Angel and Cordy: "Hi."
Doyle: "Hi, how's it going ?"
Melissa, handing Angel the plant: "I brought this for you guys."
Angel: "Oh. I hope it doesn't need light ?"
Melissa: "I'm sure it'll be fine in here."
Cordelia: "Can I offer you some coffee ?"
Melissa: "Coffee, oh, no. I can only stay a minute. Places to go, people to see. (to Angel) Thanks to you." Cordelia and Doyle start coughing.
Angel: "Ah... there..." Melissa, looking wide at them coughing: "What ?"
Angel: "There is... ah... there is a... bill ?"
Melissa: "Bill who ?"
Angel: "A bill for my services."
Melissa: "Oh, of course. That's the other reason I came. (pulls out a check and hands holds it out towards Angel) Here." Cordelia, darting forward and grabbing it: "I'll take that, thank you."
Angel: "I mean,... I didn't do it for money."
Melissa: "Oh, please you earned it. (reaches and shakes Angel's hand) Well, hope I never see you again."
Angel: "Me too. Good luck." Melissa leaves.
Doyle: "Well, that didn't go so badly."
Cordelia: "See, you can save damsel and make decent money. Is this a great country or what ?!"
Doyle: "Let's march down to the bank and deposit this beauty."
Angel: "You guys go ahead. I think I'll stay here and not burst into flames."
Doyle: "Oh, right, you're pretty much the night deposit guy. Still, cause to celebrate." Cordelia, patting him on the shoulder: "You think everything's a cause to celebrate. (Picks up her purse) We could use more of these." Doyle, as they are heading out the door: "And we'll have more of these soon."
Cordelia: "We need more of these now. Have a vision."
Doyle: "I can't just perform on demand."
Cordelia: "We need the clients. Have a vision."
Doyle: "That money has corrupted you."
Cordelia: "If I hit you on the head, will you have a vision ?"
Doyle: "Get away from me. You're insane."
Cordelia: "Am not. Now will you have a vision ?" Angel walks into his office with a slight smile and sets the plant on his desk. | Plan: A: Angel Inc.; Q: Where does the gang help a stalking victim? A: A creepy doctor; Q: Who is obsessed with a former patient? A: the doctor's past; Q: What does Angel investigate? A: Soon Angel; Q: When do Angel, Doyle and Cordy realize that the doctor is more than he seems? A: Doyle; Q: Along with Cordy, who is in danger? Summary: The gang at Angel Inc. helps a stalking victim. A creepy doctor is obsessed with a former patient, somehow, he knows everything that she does. Angel begins to suspect that something supernatural is going on and investigates the doctor's past. Soon Angel, Doyle and Cordy are all in danger as they realize that the doctor is more than he seems. |
( ON SCREEN "Washington, D.C. 1865 The war is over, Lincoln is dead. The nation is an open wound." )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Street in Washington, D.C. ]
( A UNION SOLDIER walks down the street. Church bells RING. He looks up at the church and enters the building )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. Church confessional box ]
( The soldier is confessing to a PRIEST, who is off-screen. )
Priest: ( slight Irish accent ) Unburden yourself, my son
Soldier: I was with General Sherman on his march south. What we did...evil, unspeakable things.
Priest: You were a soldier. You were following orders.
Soldier: No. No, not just orders. We opened a dark door and the Devil stepped in.
Priest: The only way to cast out the Devil is to confess to God.
Soldier: No. No, I can't, Father.
Priest: ( Southern accent ) Tell me about Meridian.
Soldier: How do you know about Meridian?
( The priest, who is actually CULLEN BOHANNON, slides open the screen and aims a revolver at the soldier. Bohannon shoots the soldier in the face. He slumps over and falls out of the confessional. People in the church scream. Bohannon exits the confessional and aims his revolver at the soldier, ensuring he is dead. He looks up a huge crucifix and then walks out of the church. A bell TOLLS. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ INT. Fancy parlor - Day ]
( A sign reads "The Union Pacific Railroad. Investment Offering. Join us as we construct this glorious road from sea to shining sea." )
( THOMAS DURANT, a middle-aged, well-dressed man, is making a speech to potential investors for the Union Pacific Railroad. )
Durant: A nation, which nearly destroyed itself by civil war between North and South, can only be healed by the binding together of East and West. Mark my words, gentlemen, it will be built. The only question that remains is which one of you will join me in this mad, noble quest? Who among you will have to say in years hence that he stood idly by as this nation became an empire? And who among you will be able say he lent a hand in making manifest our destiny as a great nation?
( The investors burst into applause. )
Investors: Here! Here!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: Sen. JORDAN CRANE, also a well-dressed, middle-aged man, who is smiling at Durant ]
Crane: Bravo!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. Fancy parlor - Later ]
( It is after the investment offering and only Durant and Crane remain in the parlor. Crane is seated at a table. )
Durant: It's all horse crap. The faster I shovel, the faster they eat it up.
Crane: But it was truly inspirational speech.
Durant: Twaddle and shite I say.
Crane: Then why am I here?
Durant: You are here to play your part.
( Crane reads stock certificate )
Crane: ( pronouncing incorrectly ) Credit Mobilier
Durant: Crédit Mobilier will be awarded all major construction contracts on the Union Pacific Railroad. I own it and I'm giving you the chance to get in on the ground floor.
Crane: So, you'll be paying yourself to build a railroad using government subsidies?
Durant: Now that, my friend, is inspirational.
Crane: Yes it is, but I can't afford these on a senator's salary
Durant: As head of the congressional oversight committee on railroads, I'm sure you will find a way to pay for them over and over and over again
Crane: Might I ask how many shares are here?
Durant: Two hundred. I think you'll find that's fair.
Crane: Four hundred sounds fairer
Durant: ( surprised ) Are you trying to renegotiate a bribe?
Crane: ( smiling ) Oh, bribe, such a dirty word. Hmm? Why don't you think on it, Doc? Hmm? ( stands to leave ) We've got a vote before the committee next Tuesday. ( turns away towards door )
Durant: Good luck with your land speculation in Nebraska.
( Crane stops and stares at Durant )
Durant: Fifty thousand acres bought on the cheap, hmm?
( Crane walks back to the table slowly, swallowing nervously )
Durant: What would happen to the value of that land if I decided to route the railroad around it? ( gestures to map behind him )
( Crane frowns and sits down )
Durant: Take the stocks, Jordan.
( A moment passes before Crane reaches for the stocks. Durant slams his hand down on the pile. )
Durant: But I've decided to renegotiate. ( peels off many of the stock certificates, leaving a smaller pile ) One hundred shares. ( smiles )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Rail line - Day ]
( A train rolls along the track, silhouetted against the sun. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. Train car ]
( Two men, SEAN and MICKEY McGINNES, sit on a bench on the train. Mickey is attempting to read the newspaper aloud but is struggling. )
Mickey: He was gun-gunned down while he, while he p-p-pr
Sean: Prayed.
Mickey: I-I was getting it. Prayed.
( A man sits in across from Sean and Mickey, his head tilted down, obscuring his face. )
Mickey: In the con...
Sean: Con?
Mickey: Conf...
Sean: ( with certainty ) Conference
Mickey: ( skeptical ) "Prayed in the conference"?
( Man raises his head, revealing he is Bohannon. )
Bohannon: Confessional.
Mickey: Someone killed the poor beggar whilst he was confessing. What is the world coming to?
Sean: Well, I suppose the only consolation is he got to heaven that much faster
Bohannon: ( puzzled ) How'd you come by that conclusion?
Sean: Well, he confessed his sins. He died in Grace.
Bohannon: So... ( pushes his hat back from his forehead ) God just up and punches his ticket to heaven, huh?
Mickey: Well, yeah.
Bohannon: ( shakes head ) If that's how God goes about his business, you can keep him.
Sean: Keep God?
Mickey: Do you know believe in a higher power?
Bohannon: Yes, sir. I wear it on my hip.
( He pulls back coat revealing his pistol strapped to his hip. )
Sean: Are you a gunslinger, then?
Bohannon: ( smiles ) No. I'm just heading out West looking for work on the railroad.
Mickey: So are we.
Sean: To seek our fortune, as it were.
Mickey: I'm Mickey and this here's Sean.
Bohannon: Cullen Bohannon.
Sean: Mickey has twelve toes
Mickey: And Sean but eight
Sean: Individually, were freaks
Mickey: But together we're whole.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Hell on Wheels - Day ]
( ON SCREEN - "Council Bluffs, Iowa" )
( "So Far from Your Weapon" by the Dead Weather plays in the background )
( Train brakes near rail's end. Workers hammer spikes and lay rails. Bohannon leans from the end of the rail car. The train pulls to a full stop. Explosions are going off ahead of rail's end. Bohannon hops down from the train, saddlebag over his shoulder, and he walks in the direction of the engine. Several Negro workers file out of a boxcar. Pigs are being herded out of another boxcar that also has served as a carrier for more Negro workers. Bohannon ducks under gangplank on the pig car, holding his hat. Men toss luggage from the train and more workers pile off the flat bed car. )
( Bohannon walks toward office tent. More explosions go off, startling horses and men alike. Men look for cover. Only Bohannon remains standing upright. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. Outside office tent ]
( DANIEL JOHNSON sits at a desk in front of the office tent, taking down names in a ledger. He drinks a shot of whiskey. )
Johnson: Next. ( Bohannon steps forward ) Name?
Bohannon: Cullen Bohannon.
Johnson: Railroad experience?
Bohannon: ( shakes his head ) None.
Johnson: ( looks up and sighs ) Why should I hire you?
Bohannon: I'm willing to do just about anything.
Johnson: ( skeptical ) Uh-huh. You and a thousand others.
Bohannon: ( humbly ) I ain't got no other place else to go, sir.
Johnson: Save it. Will you work a cut crew?
Bohannon: Yeah.
Johnson: Yeah?
Bohannon: ( sheepishly ) What's a cut crew?
Johnson: Oh, it's brutal work. It is not for the faint of heart. It gets hotter than a whore house on nickel night out there. ( takes a drink )
Bohannon: I ain't afraid of hard work.
Johnson: You're a Johnny Reb aren't you?
Bohannon: Yes, sir.
Johnson: I could tell by that Griswold you're carrying. Was a Griswold like that that took off my hand. ( moves left hand over the stump on his right arm )
( BOHANNON pulls his coat over his gun. )
Johnson: Well, we've all paid a price, Mr. Bohannon. I imagine you bear your own scars. I was a Copperhead before the war so I bear no hard feelings towards you Gray Backs; you did what you had to do. It's the Darkies I blame. They way I see it, they only fire more than just a hand. Say, did you own slaves, Mr. Bohannon?
Bohannon: ( hesitantly ) I did.
Johnson: Well, then I imagine you know your way around a nigger.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. The cut ]
( Johnson rides his horse while Bohannon walks ahead of him. Several Negro workers are digging the cut. Some of the men, including ELAM FERGUSON, a tall, muscular man. He stops working for a moment, looking at the newcomer and Johnson. )
Johnson: This is Mr. Bohannon, your walking boss. You can address him as boss or boss man or walking boss. Mr. Bohannon is a former master of slaves.
Elam: ( to other men; shakes head ) Some things don't never change.
Johnson: So, he's up to your tricks. He's gonna work the blue out of your gums, boys. Any coffee boilers and otherwise slack work ethic will be dealt with severely. Now, dig me a cut!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. River near Hell on Wheels - Same day ]
( A congregation stands on the bank of the river singing "Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior", accompanied by a small barrel organ being cranked by one of the members of the congregation. Rev. NATHANIEL COLE, a tall, white-haired man with a beard, stands waist-deep in the river with a young Cheyenne man, JOSEPH BLACK MOON. )
Congregation: ( singing ) Pass me not, O gentle Savior
Cole: Jesus Christ, accept this humble servant into Your heart.
Congregation: ( singing ) Hear my humble cry While on others Thou art calling
Cole: Be reborn in the glory of Jesus.
( Cole dunks Joseph in the river. Joseph keeps his eyes open. )
Congregation: ( singing ) Do not pass me by
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO Joseph's perspective: Cole stands over him smiling as an eagle soars in the background ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO normal perspective: Cole pulls Joseph from water and gives him a kiss on the cheek. ]
Cole: Brother Joseph, your sins are washed away.
Congregation: ( singing ) Savior, Savior Hear my humble cry
( Both men stand in the river smiling. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Hell on Wheels - Day ]
( A sign reads "Hell on Wheels. Population: One less every day". "Twelve Gates to the City" by Ralph Stanley plays in the background. The camera pans over the denizens of Hell on Wheels: an impoverished mother and her children, men on horseback, wheelwrights and butchers plying their trade. Cole and Joseph ride up in a buckboard wagon, a steeple topped with a cross is in the back. )
Cole: Woah, woah. ( pulls horses to a stop )
( Cole hands over the reigns and stands. He holds out his hands. )
Cole: Right here. Unload the tent. Raise the church in this den of thieves. I shall build a house of the Lord.
( Several prostitutes wander towards COLE in various states of undress. One PROSTITUTE walks up and smirks. )
Prostitute: You're putting up a church here?
( Cole hops down from wagon and walks to the Prostitute. He straightens his coat before reaching out and touching her hair, letting it drop back down. )
Cole: What better place to convert the wicked, sister?
Prostitute: Well, you better keep an eye on your flock, Reverend. We do our own share of converting 'round here. ( spits at his feet and smiles, her teeth in horrible condition )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ INT. Durant's rail car - Day ]
( CLOSE UP of a map )
( DURANT stands over the map, frowning. The OLDER ENGINEER and the young engineer stand nearby. )
Durant: Why have you made my road so...straight?
Older Engineer: Are we not in a race with the Central Pacific?
Durant: The Central Pacific? Those imbeciles will never make it out of Sacramento. They're so desperate that I hear they're hiring chinks. What I was thinking was something more like...this. ( he draws an imaginary wavy line across the map with a stick )
Older Engineer: But we're building over flat land. Why wouldn't we make it straight?
Durant: "Why wouldn't we make it straight", he asks. ( looks at the ceiling in desperation ) Take a closer look.
( Older Engineer leans over to study map. Durant slams his face into the map. )
Durant: ( angrily ) Let me elucidate. In case you haven't heard, this undertaking is being subsidized by the enormous teat of the Federal Government.
( The young engineer looks on, nervously. )
Durant: This never-ending, money-gushing nipple pays me $16,000 per mile, yet you...build...my...road...straight! You're fired. Get out.
( Older Engineer smiles, looking puzzled )
Durant: ( yelling ) I said, get out!
( Older Engineer walks away from table. )
Durant: ( to younger engineer ) You look like a bright young man.
( The train charges onward down the track )
( ON SCREEN - "Nebraska Territory" )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Rolling hills in Nebraska - Day ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: ROBERT BELL's perspective through the surveying transit ]
( A beautiful, blond woman, LILY BELL, is holding a survey marker. She smiles. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: normal perspective ]
( Robert, her husband, stands back from the transit and puts his hands on his hips, smiling. He goes back to work, adjusting dials on the transit. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: A hill, later ]
( Lily is sitting in the grass while Robert is higher up the hill in a chair, drafting a map. )
Lily: This land...it's bewitching.
Robert: It hasn't changed since Lewis and Clark first saw it sixty years ago.
Lily: Do you ever wonder if our work here will be the ruin of all of this?
Robert: Progress comes with a cost, Lily.
Lily: I just think it's so much more beautiful without people.
Robert: Don't fool yourself. There are plenty of people here. We're entering Cheyenne territory. You do remember our agreement?
Lily: ( she turns to look at him over her shoulder ) You mean our agreement about me not leaving your side while you're ill?
Robert: ( coughs ) No. I mean your agreement that you should go back to Chicago once we entered hostile Indian territory. ( he walks down the hill to join Lily in the grass )
Lily: ( holding his hand ) Yes, my dear, but that was before you took ill. I believe our second agreement supersedes our first.
Robert: Dear God, now you sound like a lawyer.
Lily: If you want me to go to Chicago, lead the way. I'm not leaving without you, Robert.
Robert: Don't tempt me Lily. I just might do it.
Lily: ( she grabs him by the chin and shakes his head playfully ) Now, you play me for dumb. You've worked at this for too long to go back now.
Robert: We've worked at this. ( scoots closer to Lily and puts his arms around her waist ) This. This would mean nothing to me if you weren't here to share it.
Lily: Robert Bell, are you hiding something in your trousers?
Robert: It must be all this fresh air.
Lily: Breathe deeply. ( laughs )
( They kiss. Robert breaks off and presses his lips to her forehead. He begins to cough. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Hell on Wheels - Night ]
( The moon is full and orange. The men in town are entering and exiting the bath house. A few prostitutes loiter outside, looking for customers. Two signs read "hot water and soap: 25 cents" and "bucket of water 3¢". )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. Starlight Saloon ]
( Bohannon is playing a game of cards with Johnson and two other men. )
Card Player: So, uh, how many slaves did you own?
Bohannon: Five in all. Had me a small tobacco farm.
Johnson: Any women?
Bohannon: Two.
Card Player: You ever, uh, sample the goods?
( Bohannon looks at the Card Player long and hard, exhaling smoke from his cigar. )
Bohannon: No, it wasn't like that. ( clink of poker chip ) Call.
Card Player: You, uh...bitter you had to give up your slaves?
Bohannon: ( shakes head and downs a shot of whiskey ) I gave them their freedom a year before the war started.
Johnson: ( looks horrified ) Are you serious?
Bohannon: I kept them on at wages.
Johnson: ( laughs and pours another drink for himself ) You are an odd duck, Bohannon.
Bohannon: I married a Northerner. She convinced me of the evils of slavery.
Johnson: So, you released your slaves yet you still fought in the war. Why?
Bohannon: Honor.
( Johnson laughs and Bohannon smiles. )
Johnson: ( pours BOHANNON a drink ) The Southerner and his honor. Where is your wife now?
Bohannon: ( long pause; smile gone ) She's dead.
Johnson: Did the war take her?
( Johnson's eyes dart from the table to Bohannon and back down. Bohannon hasn't dropped his gaze at all. )
Bohannon: Something like that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Establishing shot of surveying camp in Nebraska - Same night ]
( The sounds of someone in camp having s*x can be heard. )
Robert (O.C.): Sh sh!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. The Bells' tent ]
( Lily and Robert have just finished. )
Robert: Think they heard us?
Lily: Who cares? (laughs)
Robert: I don't want to torment the poor bastards alone in the middle of nowhere.
Lily: They have their hands.
( Robert begins to cough. Lily soothes him, rubbing his chest. )
Robert: I feel this cough is going to be the death of me.
Lily: Nonsense. Nonsense.
Robert: Lily, if I were to die...(he strokes her hair)
Lily: Robert, please. Please, don't talk like that. Don't talk like that.
( Lily hums "Believe Me, If All Those Endearing Young Charms" )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. The survey camp ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Woods outside the survey camp - The following morning ]
( Several Indian warriors are sneaking through the underbrush near the camp. One warrior spots one of the men working with the survey crew, who is unbuttoning his fly near a wagon. An arrow flies by the surveyor and sticks in the side of the wagon. The surveyor, startled, looks at the arrow and holds his belly. He looks down and sees blood gushing out. He looks again at the arrow in the wagon. He looks up just in time to a warrior with a bow. The warrior shoots the surveyor in the throat. He gags and grasps the site of the wound before falling to the ground. Three warriors, including the one with the bow, walk out of the woods. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. The Bells' tent ]
( Robert looks out of his tent )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. The survey camp ]
( War whoops and sounds of battle can be heard. One man exits his tent and clobbers a warrior with a shovel before being killed by another with a spear. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. Robert is wide-eyed with fear. He lets the tent flap fall and moves for his desk. ]
Robert: The maps. ( rolls up a map ) We have to save the work.
( Lily moves to the opening of the tent and looks out. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. ]
( Indians and surveyors are fighting. One man is scalped by a brave. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. ]
( Lily closes the tent flap. Robert grabs Lily around the waist. )
Robert: Run for the trees. Don't look back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. ]
( Lily and Robert run from their tent. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: One brave, holding a scalp, whoops. Another shoots one of the surveyors. ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: LILY and ROBERT run through the trees, ROBERT carrying a leather case of maps and charts and a satchel. ]
( A brave, Sun Bear, nears the tree line. Half his face is painted a dark blue and the other half white. The eye on the white side is damaged and opaque and a long scar runs from his eye socket to his lip. He stops and listens before continuing into the woods. )
( Lily and Robert continue to run. )
( Sun Bear stalks the Bells. )
( The Bells hide behind a stand of trees but Robert begins to cough. )
( Sun Bear hears the coughing and moves towards the sound. )
( Sun Bear finds the Bells and clubs Robert, knocking him to the ground. Lily crawls backwards towards a tree. Sun Bear raises his bow and nocks an arrow. Lily puts up her hands in a defensive posture. )
Lily: No, please no!
( Sun Bear shoots, the arrow going through Lily's right hand and into her left shoulder. She cries out as it hits. He nocks another arrow and smiles. Robert tackles him from behind before he can shoot again. As they grapple, Lily pulls the arrow from her wounds, yelling in pain. Robert wraps his arm around Sun Bear's throat, attempting to choke him out. Sun Bear pulls a knife from his belt. Lily sees this. )
Lily: Robert!
( Sun Bear sticks the knife into Robert's gut. Robert lies on the ground, clutching at the knife while Sun Bear staggers and coughs. Lily charges towards Sun Bear and pushes him to the ground. Using the arrow from her shoulder, she sticks him under his chin. He attempts to choke her but she continues to push, screaming. He trembles and dies. Lily rolls off and crawls to ROBERT, who is barely alive and covered in blood. She strokes his cheek and presses her face close to his. He moves her hand to the maps case and dies. She lies weeping over him but hears gunshots. She kisses him and rises, taking the maps with her into the woods, away from camp. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Hell on Wheels - The next morning ]
( The sun rises over town and people are slowly waking up. One man relieves himself outside his tent while other men, clearly hung over sit around a campfire holding their heads. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. Starlight Saloon ]
( Johnson pulls out the cork from a bottle of whiskey with his teeth. He spits out the cork, pours a shot, and downs it. He walks to Bohannon, who is sleeping with his head on a saloon table. JOHNSON places a shot of whiskey next to Bohannon. )
Johnson: Rise and shine, Bohannon.
( Bohannon, startled, looks up at Johnson. He sees the shot of whiskey and knocks it to the floor. Drool runs from his bottom lip. )
Johnson: It's another beautiful day on the railroad.
( Bohannon coughs and groan before putting his head back down on the table. Johnson exits the saloon, whipping a man who passed out near the entrance of the Starlight the night previous. He swings his whip back and forth as he shouts. )
Johnson: Get up. Get up! Come on! ( calls out to no one in particular ) My horse! My kingdom for a horse
( Bohannon stumbles to his feet, knocking a bottle from the table. It smashes on the ground. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. The cut - Later ]
( The freemen cut crew are working with pick axes and shovels. Bohannon walks along the top of the cut. )
Bohannon: Hold that line. ( puffs on his cigar ) Half-hour to lunch. Half-hour.
( Bohannon passes by Elam and WILLY, a young, slim man in a bowler hat. )
Elam: ( to himself ) Peckerwood.
( Willy stops for a moment. )
Willy: He ain't so bad.
Elam: Shut your dumb black ass up. I don't need no slave boss motivating me.
Willy: Uh-huh.
Elam: ( to Willy ) Help me out here. ( singing ) All them pretty girls gon' be there.
Willy: ( singing in response ) Shuck that corn before you eat.
Elam: ( to other cut crewmen ) Come on! Come on! ( singing ) I say, all them pretty girls.
( Bohannon stops, watching )
Crewmen: ( singing ) Shuck that corn before you eat.
Elam: ( singing ) They gon' fix it for us rare.
Crewmen: ( singing ) Shuck that corn before you eat.
Elam: ( singing ) I know that supper going to big.
Crewmen: ( singing ) Shuck that corn before you eat.
Elam: ( singing ) I think I smell a fine roast pig.
( Bohannon jumps down into the cut. Elam stops and the two stare each other down. )
Crewman: ( singing ) Shuck that corn before you eat.
Willy: Keep it going.
( Elam picks up his tool and continues. )
Elam: ( singing ) I hope they got some whiskey there.
Crewmen: ( singing ) Shuck...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Somewhere outside Hell on Wheels, train track - Day ]
( Durant's train has stopped. The engineer puffs on a cigar and looks out the window. The sound of a telegraph tapping is heard and soon the TELEGRAPH OPERATOR can be seen through the train car window. He has a gray beard and wears a visor and sleeve protectors. He writes down a message fervently. )
Telegraph Operator: You might want to take a look at this, sir.
( Durant is reading papers at his desk and doesn't look up. )
Durant: Put it in the pile.
Telegraph Operator: No, sir. ( rises and hands telegram to Durant ) You really need to look at this.
( Durant looks at him, puzzled. He takes the telegram and sighs. He reads it. )
Durant: Dear God. Robert Bell is dead.
( He puts his hand to his brow. )
Durant: Is this entire message?
Telegraph Operator: Yes, sir.
Durant: Nothing about maps being found?
Telegraph Operator: ( shakes head ) No, sir.
( Durant puts the telegram face-down on his desk. )
Durant: One last telegram
( Durant rises and crosses to telegraph. The Telegraph Operator sits down and takes down the message as Durant speaks. )
Durant: ( pacing ) To the Union Pacific Board of Directors: Change of plans. Stop. Heading for Hell on Wheels immediately. Stop. Send it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. The cut - Same day ]
( It is hot and the cut crew is working hard. Willy leans over, nearly falling. Elam looks at him. )
Elam: You need some water
Willy: No, It ain't, it ain't break time yet.
( Willy starts to cough and Elam puts down his pickaxe. )
Elam: Come on. You need some water. Come on.
( He pulls Willy up onto the dirt embankment. Willy stumbles and falls several times and Elam has to help him. )
Elam: Come on.
( They reach the water bucket and Willy takes a drink, gasping afterwards. Bohannon walks up angrily. )
Bohannon: I thought I told you dump that dirt on the other side
Elam: Hey.
Willy: Shut your mouth.
( Willy grabs at Elam's wrist to restrain him but he shakes him off. Bohannon takes off his hat. )
Elam: I told him to do it. We fitting to fill in that dip over yonder next. I figure we might as well use some field dirt nearby.
Bohannon: You talk to me before any decisions are made.
( Bohannon puts on his hat and turns to walk away. )
Elam: ( sarcastically ) Yes, sir, master
Bohannon: ( turns back to Elam ) What you say?
( Johnson rides up, his horse whinnying. )
Johnson: Bohannon! What the hell is going on here? You drink when I tell you to drink!
( Johnson raises his whip and strikes Willy and he falls to the ground. An explosion goes off in the distance. Johnson's horse rears and comes down hard, striking Willy in the head as he is rising to his feet. He falls again. ELAM takes the horse by the bridle and backs him off Willy. )
Elam: Get up! Move!
( Elam runs to Willy, whose face is covered in blood. )
Elam: Willy! Willy! Willy! Willy!
( Elam shakes him but Willy doesn't respond. He cradles his head in his hands. Willy trembles in his arms but does not open his eyes or speak. )
Johnson: This is what happens when you break my rules.
( Elam stares up at Johnson. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ INT. Elam and Willy's tent - That night ]
( Outside it is raining. Bohannon enters and removes his hat. He is puffing on a cigar but drops it and puts it out with his boot. ELAM sits whetting his knife. Bohannon sits on ELAM's cot but ELAM doesn't look up at him. Bohannon notices Willy lying on his cot, dead and almost completely covered by a bloody sheet. Bohannon picks up the dipper from the water bucket. ELAM stares at him and Bohannon freezes before tipping out the water and letting the dipper back down into the bucket. He sighs and watches Elam whetting the knife. )
Bohannon: Now, what you planning on doing with that Arkansas Toothpick, huh?
( Elam doesn't respond. )
Bohannon: Don't do it.
Elam: We ain't on no plantation no more, walking boss.
( He spits on the whet stone. )
Bohannon: Ain't nothing good gonna come from this.
( Elam sets down the whet stone and picks up a clipping from a newspaper. )
Elam: Well, ain't nothing good come from this either.
( CLOSE UP: Paper reads "Emancipation Proclamation". )
Elam: That dumb nigger thought this gonna change a thing. ( looks at Willy ) Look what that got him. Might as well wipe my ass wit' it.
( He tosses down the paper and grabs the whet stone again. )
Bohannon: You kill him...you will hang.
Elam: How they gonna hang me if there ain't witnesses?
Bohannon: You come at me with a knife, son, you better be ready to use it.
( Elam tests the edge of the blade with his thumb. He stares down Bohannon for several moments before he smiles. )
Bohannon: Yeah. You got to let go of the past.
( He rises to leave. )
Elam: Have you let it go?
( Bohannon stops and turns, staring at ELAM before putting on his hat and leaving. ELAM continues to sharpen his knife. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Outside McGinnis Brothers' Magic Lantern Show tent - That night ]
( Bohannon walks up to a table outside the tent and pays his fee to the doorman before entering. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. McGinnis Brothers' Magic Lantern Show tent ]
( Bohannon approaches Sean, who is running the magic lantern. Flute music can be heard in the background. )
Bohannon: You doing quite a trade here
Sean: Not bad for a couple of Irish bumpkins.
Bohannon: Where's Mickey?
Sean: He's preparing for the grand finale.
( Mickey stands next to the screen, the image of a little girl in a bonnet projected behind him. )
Mickey: ( singing ) A stór mo chroí when you're far away Far from the land you'll be leaving
( Mickey continues in the background. )
Mickey: ( singing ) It's many a time by night and by day That your heart will be sorely grieving
Sean: Do you not pine for your own homeland, Mr. Bohannon?
Bohannon: No.
Sean: Why not?
Bohannon: It's gone.
( Focus returns to Mickey. The image behind him is now of a married couple. )
Mickey: ( singing ) For the stranger's land may be bright and fair And rich in its treasures golden
( Bohannon stares off into space and Mickey's voice is replaced by Maura O'Connell singing the last lines. )
Maura O'Connell: ( singing ) A ruin, a ruin, oh won't you come back soon. Love you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ INT. Starlight Saloon - Later ]
( Bohannon and Johnson are drinking together. Bohannon pours another drink for Johnson. )
Johnson: So, tell me, Bohannon, did you see the elephant during the war?
Bohannon: Yeah, I saw my share of action.
Johnson: ( nods ) Where?
Bohannon: I-I don't like to talk about it.
Johnson: ( sighs ) I loved the war. ( to the rest of the patrons in the saloon ) I loved the war! ( turns back and drinks ) The best thing that ever happened to me.
Bohannon: I thought you said you were against it.
Johnson: Oh yeah, I was. That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy myself once pressed into service.
Bohannon: ( to bartender ) Hey!
Johnson: Oh hey, I'm-I'm skimped.
Bohannon: No, no. This one's on me.
( The bartender brings a bottle and leaves. )
Johnson: Well, thank you.
( Bohannon pours. )
Johnson: Most men shrink when they see the elephant up close.
Bohannon: ( a little too interested ) Oh, yeah?
Johnson: But I...I blossomed.
( He drinks and Bohannon pours another. )
Johnson: Thank you. Though I...I must admit there were certain lines that I crossed, lines of morality I didn't think myself capable of crossing. ( stares at Bohannon and then drinks ) But that's what men do in war.
Bohannon: Moral men don't.
Johnson: So, you did nothing that you were ashamed of?
Bohannon: ( nods ) I did plenty I was ashamed of.
( He leans back in his chair and stares at Johnson. )
Bohannon: You ever been to Meridian, Mississippi, Mr. Johnson?
( Johnson cocks back the hammer of his gun under the table. )
Johnson: That is my Remington pointed at your gut. So, let's take a walk out back.
( Bohannon looks around but no has noticed the altercation. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. Outside the Starlight Saloon ]
( Bohannon walks in front of Johnson, who has his gun pushed between Bohannon's shoulder blades. )
Johnson: I know about the two men you killed in Maryland. Then I read about Prescott getting killed in that church by a Griswold. ( chuckles ) But I'll be damned if you didn't walk up a few days later with a Griswold strapped to your hip as plain as day. And then you ask me about Meridian? That cinched it.
( He pushes Bohannon forward, keeping the gun trained on him. )
Johnson: I am not proud of what happened to your wife, Bohannon.
Bohannon: Didn't happen to her. You did it to her.
Johnson: Yes, we did it to her. I did it to her. Your wife was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
( Bohannon turns to face Johnson. He has slide a knife out and holds it against his forearm, out of Johnson's sight. )
Johnson: I want you to know it wasn't my idea to kill her.
Bohannon: ( confused ) She hung herself.
Johnson: No, she didn't. The Sergeant strangled her and strung her up.
Bohannon: Sergeant? What sergeant?
Johnson: Well, he's out here too. I figured you were saving him for last. Oh, you didn't know about it.
Bohannon: You tell me who he is.
Johnson: Well, it hardly matters now.
( Elam sneaks up behind JOHNSON. Bohannon sees him. )
Bohannon: No!
( Elam slices Johnson's throat from behind. Johnson falls and clutches his throat, blood pouring between his fingers. ELAM catches him and lays him on the ground. He looks at Bohannon. Bohannon kneels and grips Johnson by the lapels. )
Bohannon: Tell me his name.
( Johnson gasps and gurgles but does not give Bohannon a name. )
Bohannon: Tell me his name.
( Johnson dies. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. Establishing shot of train - Day ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: INT. Durant's railcar ]
( Durant sits in a chair drinking a whiskey. It is not clear if he is speaking to himself or someone else. )
Durant: Is it a villain you want? I'll play the part. ( sips his whiskey ) After all, what is a drama without a villain? What is the building of this grand road if not a drama? This business is not for the weak of heart.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. Massacre site ]
( Joseph rides alone through the remains of the camp, surveying the damage. Corpses lay scattered around campfires and tents. )
Durant (V.O.): It's a thorny, brutal affair that rewards the lion for his ferocity.
( Joseph looks examines and arrow, looking grave. )
Durant (V.O.): What of the zebra? What of the poor zebra?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: Durant's railcar ]
Durant: Well, the zebra's eaten as the zebra should be.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. Near the massacre site ]
( Lily staggers through a meadow, the map case tucked under her arm. )
Durant (V.O.): Make no mistake, blood will be spilled. Lives will be lost. Fortunes will be made. Men will be ruined. There will be betrayal and scandal. A perfidy of epic proportions.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: Durant's railcar ]
Durant: But...the lion shall prevail.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. Former Hell on Wheels site ]
( A wagon rolls over the Hell on Wheels sign. The smoldering remains of the camp are left behind. Dogs pick at anything left behind. )
Durant (V.O.): You see, the secret I know is this: all of the history is made by the lion. We drag the poor zebra, kicking and braying, staining the earth with his cheap blood. History doesn't remember us fondly but then history is written by the zebra for the zebra.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: Durant's railcar ]
Durant: ( takes a deep breath ) One hundred years hence, when this railroad spans the continent...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. Outside Hell on Wheels ]
( Elam walks along the top of a hill. The town moves towards its new location as the sun sets. )
Durant (V.O.): And America rises to be the greatest power the world has seen, I will be remembers as a caitiff, malefactor, who only operated out of greed for personal gain.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: Durant's railcar ]
Durant: All true. All true. But remember this:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CUT TO: EXT. The cut - Sometime later ]
( Two men ride up at a gallop. One wears a Union jacket. Elam looks up from the cut, first at the men and then at Bohannon. )
Durant (V.O.): Without me, and men like me your glorious railroad would never be built.
( Bohannon, rests his hand on the grip of his gun and walks forward as the men get closer. ) | Plan: A: 1865; Q: In what year did Cullen Bohannon travel to the Union Pacific Railroad to seek revenge? A: former Confederate soldier Cullen Bohannon; Q: Who is Anson Mount? A: the First Transcontinental Railroad; Q: What was the Union Pacific Railroad building? A: the Union soldiers; Q: Who killed Cullen Bohannon's wife? A: Thomas "Doc" Durant ( Colm Meaney; Q: Who is the character that begins his "mad, noble quest" to expand his railroad westward? A: Dominique McElligott; Q: Who played Lily Bell? A: Robert ( Robert Moloney; Q: Who is Lily Bell's husband? A: the landscape; Q: What does Robert Bell survey for the Union Pacific? A: Cheyenne braves; Q: Who attacked Lily Bell's camp? A: the wilderness; Q: Where does Lily Bell flee to? A: maps; Q: What does Lily Bell take with her when she flees the Cheyenne braves? A: Durant's success; Q: What is Lily Bell's maps essential to? A: Reverend Nathaniel Cole; Q: Who baptizes Joseph Black Moon? A: Tom Noonan; Q: Who plays Reverend Nathaniel Cole? A: Eddie Spears; Q: Who plays Joseph Black Moon? A: the Missouri River; Q: Where is Joseph Black Moon baptized? A: two; Q: How many characters arrive at Hell on Wheels? A: the mobile camp; Q: What is Hell on Wheels? Summary: In 1865, former Confederate soldier Cullen Bohannon ( Anson Mount ) journeys to the Union Pacific Railroad 's westward construction of the First Transcontinental Railroad to seek work and vengeance on the Union soldiers who killed his wife. Thomas "Doc" Durant ( Colm Meaney ) begins his "mad, noble quest" to expand his railroad westward. Lily Bell ( Dominique McElligott ), accompanies her ailing husband Robert ( Robert Moloney ) as he surveys the landscape for the Union Pacific. Their camp is attacked by Cheyenne braves and all are killed except Lily, who flees into the wilderness with maps that are essential to Durant's success. Reverend Nathaniel Cole ( Tom Noonan ) baptizes Joseph Black Moon ( Eddie Spears ), a Cheyenne, in the Missouri River. The two later arrive at Hell on Wheels, the name for the mobile camp that follows the railroad westward. |
Recap of 308 "Human Nature".
OPENING CREDITS
JENNY: Make you decision, Mr Smith.
Latimer reaches into his jacket pocket and slowly pulls out the watch.
BAINES: Perhaps if that human heart breaks, the Time Lord will emerge.
Latimer opens the watch.
WATCH (hushed): Time Lord...
BAINES: It's him!
Using the distraction, Martha turns the tables on Jenny, holding a gun to her.
MARTHA: One more move and I shoot.
BAINES: Oh, the maid is full of fire!
MARTHA: And you can shut up!
Fires the gun into the ceiling.
CLARK: Careful, Son of Mine. This is all for you so that you can live forever.
BAINES: Shoot you down!
MARTHA: Try it. We'll die together.
BAINES: Would you really pull the trigger? Looks too scared.
MARTHA: Scared and holding a gun. It's a good combination. You wanna risk it?
Baines looks at the the Doctor, who is completely out of his depth, before lowering the gun. Joan goes to stand beside the Doctor.
MARTHA: Doctor, get everyone out. There's a door at the side. It's over there. Go on!
The Doctor stands indecisive.
MARTHA: Do it, Mr Smith. I mean you!
JOAN: Do what she said. Everybody out now. (Begins to usher everyone out). Don't argue, Mr Jackson. They're mad. That's all we need to know. Susan, Miss Cooper, outside, all of you!
The villagers exit the hall through the front door, screaming.
THE DOCTOR (to Latimer): Move yourself, boy. Back to the school, quickly.
MARTHA: And you. Go on. Just shift.
THE DOCTOR: What about you?
MARTHA: Mr Smith, I think you should escort your lady friend to safety, don't you?
The Doctor looks to the door, to Martha, back to the door then Martha again before running out. The Doctor arrives outside and begins directing those outside.
THE DOCTOR: Mr Hicks, go to the village. Get everyone out. Latimer, get back to the school. Tell the headmaster...
LATIMER: Don't touch me! You're as bad as them!
Runs off. Martha pushes Jenny away and holds the gun with both hands.
MARTHA: Don't try anything. I'm warning you, or sonny boy gets it.
BAINES: She's almost brave, this one.
The Family slowly advances.
JENNY: I should have taken her form. Much more fun. So much spirit.
MARTHA (backs away): What happened to Jenny? Is she gone?
JENNY: She is consumed. Her body's mine.
MARTHA: You mean she's dead.
JENNY: Yes. And she went with precious little dignity. All that... aah... screaming.
A scarecrow grabs Martha from behind.
BAINES: Get the gun!
Martha ducks under the scarecrow's arm and runs outside.
BAINES: Good work, soldier.
Martha runs out the door of the hall and sees the Doctor and Joan still there.
MARTHA: Don't just stand there, move! God, you're rubbish as a human! Come on!
Martha runs and the Doctor takes Joan's hand and they follow. Latimer runs along a road through the woods towards the school and in the distance hears the villagers screaming. Outside the village hall, Baines fires at the villagers as they run away.
BAINES: Run! Ah, this is super. We've been in hiding too long. This is sport.
JENNY: I can smell the schoolteacher. He's gone back to his academy.
BAINES: And what do we know about her?
Jenny's body glows green.
JENNY: This body has traces of memory, was once her friend. Martha would go walking to the west. Husband of Mine, follow the maid's scent. Go to the west. Find out what she was keeping secret.
CLARKE: Soldiers!
Clarke leaves followed by some of the scarecrows.
BAINES: As for you, Mother of Mine, let's go to school.
The Doctor, Martha and Joan arrive breathless at the school. The Doctor closes the heavy wooden main door behind them. Once inside the school's front hall, he immediately begins ringing a bell.
MARTHA: What're you doing?
THE DOCTOR: Maybe one man can't fight them, but this school teaches us to stand together. Take arms! Take arms!
MARTHA: You can't do that!
THE DOCTOR: You want me to fight, don't you? Take arms! Take arms!
Boys begin rushing down the stairs, including Hutchinson.
HUTCHINSON: I say sir, what's the matter?
THE DOCTOR: Enemy at the door, Hutchinson. Enemy at the door. Take arms!
Baines, Jenny and Lucy approach the school with a few scarecrows in attendance.
BAINES: They're sounding the alarms.
JENNY: I wouldn't be so pleased, Son of Mine. These bodies are silly and hot. They can damage and die. That's why we need the Time Lord.
BAINES: Indeed. They will have guns. Perhaps a little caution. Sister of Mine, you're such a small little thing. Find a way in and spy on them.
Lucy skips away down a path. Inside the school, the boys are loading machine guns and other weapons.
MARTHA: You can't do this, Doctor. Mr Smith!
THE DOCTOR (to the boys): Maintain position over the stable yard.
MARTHA: They're just boys! You can't ask them to fight!
THE DOCTOR: Faster now! That's it.
MARTHA: They don't stand a chance!
THE DOCTOR: They're cadets, Miss Jones. They are trained to defend the King and all his properties.
The Headmaster enters the room.
HEADMASTER: What in thunder's name is this? Before I devise an excellent and endless series of punishments for each and every one of you, could someone explain very simply and immediately exactly what is going on?
THE DOCTOR: Headmaster, I have to report the school is under attack.
HEADMASTER: Really? Is that so? Perhaps you and I should have a word in private.
THE DOCTOR: I promise you, sir. I was in the village with Matron. It's Baines, sir. Jeremy Baines and Mr Clarke from Oakham Farm. They've gone mad, sir. They've got guns. They've already murdered people in the village. I saw it happen.
HEADMASTER: Matron, is that so?
JOAN: I'm afraid it's true, sir.
HEADMASTER: Murder on our own soil?
JOAN: I saw it, yes.
HEADMASTER: Perhaps you did well then, Mr Smith. What makes you thing the danger's coming here?
THE DOCTOR: Well, sir, they said, um...
JOAN: Baines threatened Mr Smith, sir. Um, said he'd follow him. We don't know why.
HEADMASTER: Very well. You boys, remain on guard. Mr Snell, telephone the police. Mr Philips, with me. We shall investigate.
Martha stands in front of the Headmaster to stop him.
MARTHA: No, it's not safe out there.
HEADMASTER: Mr Smith, it seems your favourite servant is giving me advice. You will control her, sir.
Leaves.
MARTHA (sighs): I've gotta find that watch.
Martha heads out of the room and Joan follows. Running down the hallway, the pass Latimer who is hiding in a small alcove. The Doctor's voice is speaking from the watch.
WATCH: Hold me. Keep me safe. Keep me dark. Keep me closed. The time is not right.
Lucy enters the hallway from the other end.
WATCH: Not yet. Not while the Family is abroad. Danger!
The Headmaster and Mr Philips stride outside to confront Baines and Jenny.
HEADMASTER: So, Baines and one of the cleaning staff. There's always a woman involved. Am I to gather that some practical joke has got out of hand?
BAINES: Headmaster, sir. Good evening, sir. Come to give me a caning, sir? Would you like that, sir?
HEADMASTER: Keep a civil tongue, boy.
PHILIPS: Now, come now everyone. I suspect alcohol has played its part in this.
The Doctor watches from one of the windows.
PHILIPS: Let's all just calm down. And who are these friends of yours, Baines? In fancy dress.
BAINES: Do you like them, Mr Philips? I made them myself. (Walks to one of the scarecrows). I'm ever so good at science, sir. Look... (he pulls the arm off the scarecrow) molecular fringe animation fashioned in the shape of straw men. My own private army, sir. Ever so good, sir.
HEADMASTER: Baines, step apart from this company and come inside with me.
BAINES: No, sir. You, sir...You will send us Mr John Smith. That's all we want, sir, Mr John Smith and whatever he's done with his Time Lord consciousness. Then we'd be very happy to leave you alone.
HEADMASTER: You speak with someone else's voice, Baines. Who might that be?
BAINES: We are the Family of Blood.
HEADMASTER: Mr Smith said there had been deaths.
BAINES: Yes, sir! And they were good, sir!
HEADMASTER: Well, I warn you, the school is armed.
BAINES: All your little tin soldiers. But tell me, sir, will they thank you?
HEADMASTER: I don't understand.
BAINES: What do you know of history, sir? What do you know of next year?
HEADMASTER: You're not making sense, Baines.
BAINES: 1914, sir. Because the Family has travelled far and wide looking for Mr Smith and, oh, the things we have seen. War is coming. In foreign fields, war of the whole wide world, with all your boys falling down in the mud. Do you think they will thank the man who taught them it was glorious?
HEADMASTER: Don't you forget, boy, I've been a soldier. I was in South Africa, I used my dead mates as sandbags, I fought with the butt of my rifle when the bullets ran out, and I would go back there tomorrow for King and Country!
BAINES: Et cetera, et cetera.
Turns and fires on Mr Philips, disintegrating him. In the window, the Doctor visibly gulps.
BAINES: Run along, headmaster. Run back to the school, and send us Mr Smith!
Jenny laughs as the Headmaster runs back inside. The Doctor leaves the window. Inside, the Doctor looks up when the Headmaster enters the room.
HEADMASTER: Mr Philips has been murdered, Mr Smith. Can you tell me why?
THE DOCTOR: Honestly, sir, I have no idea. And the telephone line's been disconnected. We're on our own.
HEADMASTER: If we have to make a fight of it, then make a fight we shall. Hutchinson, we'll build a barricade within the courtyards, fortify the entrances, build our defences. Gentlemen, in the name of the King, we shall stand against them.
BOYS: Yes, sir!
The Headmaster walks out of the room and the boys file out to help with the defences.
BOY: Right. Get on. Let's get moving.
Three boys lower a wooden bar across the heavy main doors.
BOY 1: Hurry, get back.
BOY 2: Drop!
Inside, Hutchinson is delegating.
HUTCHINSON: Barricade the kitchens. Secure the passageway to the stables. (Spots Latimer and grabs him by the arm). You coward! You'll do your duty, Latimer, with the rest of us!
Outside, the teachers are directing the boys as they prepare for the attack.
HEADMASTER: Sandbags to the north and west.
THE DOCTOR: ... stables in case of...
HEADMASTER: Load the spare magazines with bullets.
HUTCHINSON: Quickly now! Take the magazine cut-off out!
Lucy is watching it all from a window.
BAINES: They've got an army. So do we. Soldiers. Soldiers!
The scarecrows come to life in the fields and begin to make for the school. Intercut are scenes with the boys at the school.
HEADMASTER: That's it. We need water for the Vickers gun. See to it. Faster! All of you, faster!
THE DOCTOR: Lockley, when firing commences, you're in charge of the gallery.
HEADMASTER: Peterson, that is not acceptable. Report to your senior officer.
The scarecrows arrive en masse and stand behind Baines and Jenny.
BAINES: War comes to England, a year in advance.
LUCY (telepathically): Family of Mine, wait. Hold the soldiers back. The Time Lord is playing some sort of trick.
BAINES: Discover him, Sister of Mine.
Martha is searching "John Smith's office" with Joan.
MARTHA: I know it sounds mad, but when the Doctor became human, he took the alien part of himself and stored it inside the watch. It's not really a watch, it just looks like a watch.
JOAN: And alien means... not from abroad, I take it.
MARTHA: The man you call John Smith... he was born on another world.
JOAN: A different species.
MARTHA: Yeah.
JOAN: Then tell me, in this fairy tale... who are you?
MARTHA: Just a friend. I'm not... I mean you haven't got a rival, as much as I might... Just his friend.
JOAN: You're human I take it?
MARTHA: Human, don't worry, and more than that, I just don't follow him around. I'm training to be a doctor... not an alien doctor, a proper doctor, a doctor of medicine.
JOAN: Well that certainly is nonsense. Women might train to be doctors, but hardly a skivvy and hardly one of your colour.
MARTHA: Oh, d'you think? (Pauses, trying to figure out how to prove it). Bones of the hand. (Holds up left hand and points to each). Carpal bones, proximal row; scaphoid, lunate, triquetrum, pisiform. Distal row; trapezium, trapezoid, capitate, hamate. Then the metecarpal bones extending in three distinct phalanges; proximal, middle, distal.
JOAN: You read that in a book.
MARTHA (laughs): Yes, to pass my exams. Can't you see this is true?
JOAN: I must go.
Heads for the door.
MARTHA: If we find that watch we can stop them.
JOAN: Those boys are going to fight. I might not be a doctor, but I'm still their nurse. They need me.
Walks out leaving Martha alone.
CLARKE: Son of Mine, Wife of Mine?
BAINES (telepathically): Father of Mine, what have you found?
CLARKE: His TARDIS. The Doctor can't escape.
The Doctor walks into a room with two boys where Joan, now in uniform, is preparing for after the battle.
THE DOCTOR (to boys): You're with Armitage and Thwaites. They know the drill. (Goes to Joan). Joan, it's not safe.
JOAN: I'm doing my duty, just as much as you. (Pause). Fine evening we've had together.
THE DOCTOR: Not quite as planned.
JOAN: Tell me about Nottingham.
THE DOCTOR: Sorry?
JOAN: That's where you were brought up. Tell me about it.
THE DOCTOR: Well, it lies on the River Leen, its southern boundary following the course of the River Trent which flows from Stoke to the Humber.
JOAN: That sounds like an encyclopaedia. Where did you live?
THE DOCTOR: Broadmoor Street, adjacent to Hotley Terrace in the district of Radford Parade.
JOAN: But more that facts. When you were a child, where did you play? All those secret little places... dens and hideaways that only a child knows? Tell me, John. Please tell me.
THE DOCTOR: How can you think that I'm not real? When I kissed you, was that a lie?
JOAN: No, it wasn't. No.
THE DOCTOR: But this Doctor sounds like some... some romantic lost prince. Would you rather that? Am I not enough?
JOAN: No, that's not true. Never.
THE DOCTOR: I've got to go.
JOAN: Martha was right about one thing, though. Those boys,k they're children. John Smith wouldn't want them to fight, never mind the Doctor. The John Smith I was getting to know, he knows it's wrong, doesn't he?
HEADMASTER (calling): Mr Smith, if you please!
THE DOCTOR: What choice do I have?
Kisses her then leaves. The teachers and the boys are in the courtyard making final preparations. Hutchinson and Latimer are teamed at a gun.
HUTCHINSON: Get those bags piled up, filth. Gonna mean the difference between life and death for us.
LATIMER: Not for you and me.
HUTCHINSON: What are you babbling about?
LATIMER: We're going to battle together.
Shot of Latimer and Hutchinson together in the trenches of WWI.
LATIMER: We fight alongside. I've seen it. Not here, not now.
HUTCHINSON: What's that supposed to mean?
LATIMER: It means you and I both survive this. And maybe... (reaches into his pocket and pulls out the watch) maybe I was given this watch so I could help. I'm sorry.
Runs off.
HUTCHINSON: Latimer, you filthy coward!
LATIMER: Oh yes, sir. Every time!
Martha is still searching. She screams in aggravation and throws papers into the air before running out of the room. Latimer is sitting alone in the hallway holding the watch in his hands.
LATIMER: What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
WATCH: Beware...
LATIMER: Beware of what?
WATCH: Her.
Lucy is standing at the opposite end of the hall. Latimer stands to face her, hiding the watch. Lucy sniffs.
LATIMER: Keep away.
LUCY: Who are you?
LATIMER: I saw you at the dance. You were with that family. You're one of them.
LUCY: What are you hiding?
LATIMER: Nothing.
LUCY: What have you got there?
LATIMER: Nothing.
LUCY: Show me, little boy.
LATIMER: I reckon whatever you are, you're still in the shape of a girl. How strong is she, do you think? Does she really want to see this?
Latimer opens the watch in Lucy's direction, sharing some of the Doctor's memories, especially his confrontation with the Racnoss. Lucy runs off. Baines and Jenny have seen it all through their telepathic connection.
BAINES: Time Lord.
JENNY: Inside the device.
BAINES: Everything he is concealed away in the hands of a schoolboy. Now we know that's all we need to find the boy and the watch. What are we waiting for? Attack!
The scarecrows begin to move forward. Inside the courtyard, the boys are at their guns watching the main doors.
HEADMASTER: Stand to!
The scarecrows pound on the door.
HEADMASTER: At post!
Everyone aims their guns, including the Doctor.
BOY: Enemy approaching, sir.
HEADMASTER: Steady! Find the biting point.
The wood bar across the gate cracks apart and the scarecrows enter.
HEADMASTER: Fire!
The boys fire and some of the scarecrows fall but other keep coming. The Doctor does not fire. Over the scenes of fighting, a boys' choir sings "He Who Would Valiant Be".
CHOIR: "Who so beset him round with dismal stories / Do but themselves confound, his strength the more is. / No foes shall stay his might; though he with giants fight, / He will make good his right to be a pilgrim".
HEADMASTER: Cease fire! (Walks to the bodies). They're straw. Like he said. Straw!
HUTCHINSON (to the Doctor): The no one's dead, sir? We killed no one?
Footsteps are heard and the Headmaster heads back behind the guns.
HEADMASTER: Stand to!
Martha and Joan watch from inside. Martha runs from the window as Lucy approaches.
HEADMASTER: You child, come out of the way. Come into the school. You don't know who's out there. It's the Cartwright girl, isn't it? Come here. Come to me.
MARTHA: Mr Rocastle, please. Don't go near her.
HEADMASTER: You were told to be quiet.
MARTHA: Listen to me, she's part of it! Matron, tell him.
JOAN: I think... I don't know. I think you should stay back, Headmaster.
MARTHA: Mr Smith.
THE DOCTOR: She was... she was with... with Baines in the village.
HEADMASTER: Mr Smith, I've seen many strange sights this night but there is no cause on God's earth that would allow me to see this child in the field of battle, sir. (To Lucy): Come with me.
LUCY: You're funny.
HEADMASTER: That's right. Now take my hand.
LUCY: So funny. (Reaches into her coat, pulls out a gun and shoots the Headmaster). Now who's going to shoot me, any of you, really ?
THE DOCTOR (to boys): Put down your guns.
Lowers his own rifle.
HUTCHINSON: But sir, the Headmaster...
THE DOCTOR: I'll not see this happen. Not anymore. You will retreat... in an orderly fashion back through the school. Hutchinson, lead the way.
HUTCHINSON: But sir...
THE DOCTOR: I said, lead the way.
Baines arrives.
BAINES: Go on, then, run!
Fires his gun into the air. There is screaming and panic as the boys retreat.
MARTHA: Come on!
BAINES (to scarecrows): Reanimate!
The boys run back into the school chased by the scarecrows. Latimer runs upstairs. The Doctor, Martha and Joan take the boys out via the passage through the stables.
THE DOCTOR: Let's go! Quick as you can!
MARTHA: Don't go to the village! It's not safe!
THE DOCTOR: And you, ladies!
JOAN: Not until we get the boys out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inside the school, Baines and Jenny bring captured boys in front of Lucy.
JENNY: One of these boys has got the watch. This one?
LUCY: No.
BAINES: This one?
LUCY: No.
JENNY: This one?
LUCY: No.
The scarecrows bring Hutchinson forward.
HUTCHINSON: Let go! I said get off me!
Baines grabs him by the arm.
BAINES: Ah! This one... Is that him?
LUCY: No.
BAINES: Right. Kill this lot.
Weapons are raised but up in the dorm room, Latimer opens the watch.
WATCH: Lord of Time...
The Family sense it.
BAINES (whispers): That's him.
JENNY: Upstairs!
The Family go upstairs followed by the scarecrows. Hutchinson and the others are left alone.
HUTCHINSON: Don't just stand there, outside! Come on!
They run out the door. Outside the stable, the Doctor pauses before heading back. Martha and Joan are there waiting.
THE DOCTOR: Now, I insist. The pair of you just go. If there are any more boys inside, I'll find them. (Opens the door to the passage and sees scarecrows. Slams it shut and locks it). I think... retreat.
The Doctor, Joan and Martha run. Latimer is running outside. The Family arrive in the room to find it empty. They leave. The Doctor, Martha and Joan are in the woods near the school and hear Clarke.
CLARKE (sing-song): Doctor! Doctor!
Martha, Joan and teh Doctor stop and look. Clarke is standing in front of the TARDIS.
CLARKE: Come back, Doctor. Come home. Come and claim your prize.
BAINES: Out you come, Doctor! There's a good boy. Come to the Family.
JENNY: Time to end it now!
MARTHA (softly): You recognise it, don't you?
JENNY: Come out, Doctor! Come to us!
THE DOCTOR: I've never seen it in my life.
MARTHA: Do you remember its name?
JOAN: I'm sorry, John, but you wrote about it. The blue box. You dreamt of a blue box.
THE DOCTOR (voice breaking): I'm not... I'm John Smith. That's all I want to be. John Smith, with his life... and his job... and his love. Why can't I be John Smith? Isn't he a good man?
JOAN: Yes. Yes, he is.
THE DOCTOR: Why can't I stay?
MARTHA: But we need the Doctor.
THE DOCTOR: So what am I then, nothing? I'm just a story.
The Doctor runs off and Joan goes after him. Martha follows after a pause.
BAINES: One more phase and we won't have to hunt. The Doctor, Mr Smith, the boy, the watch, they will come to us. Soldiers! Guard this thing!
The Family leaves. The Doctor, Martha and Joan are rushing down a country road. They stop to get their bearings.
JOAN: This way. I think I know somewhere we can hide.
THE DOCTOR: We've got to keep going.
JOAN: Just listen to me for once, John. Follow me.
Martha looks between them before following Joan. The Doctor follows after a pause. The Family are inside their ship.
BAINES: Fully armed and ready. Mother, Father and Sister of Mine, prepare the armaments. I doubt that England is ready for this ! Fix targets and counting down.
Joan, Martha and the Doctor arrive at a dark house.
JOAN (breathing heavily): Here we are. It should be empty. Oh, it's a long time since I've run that far.
MARTHA: But who lives here?
JOAN: If I'm right, no one.
They walk slowly to the front door and Joan enters first. It is a simple cottage kitchen with tea set on the table.
JOAN: Hello? No one home. We should be safe here.
MARTHA: Whose house is it, though?
JOAN: Um, the Cartwrights. That little girl at the school... she's Lucy Cartwright, or she's taken Lucy Cartwright's form. If she came home this afternoon and if the parents tried to stop their little girl, then they were vanished. (Puts her hand on the teapot on the table). Stone cold. How easily I accept these ideas.
The Doctor sits on one of the chairs at the table and looks as if he's carrying the weight of the world.
THE DOCTOR: I must go to them before anyone else dies.
JOAN: You can't. (Sits beside him). Martha, there must be something we can do.
MARTHA (shakes head): Not without the watch.
THE DOCTOR: You're this Doctor's companion! Can't you help? What exactly do you do for him? Why does he need you?
MARTHA: Because he's lonely.
THE DOCTOR: And that's what you want me to become.
There's a knock on the door and they all turn to face it.
JOAN: What if it's them?
MARTHA: I'm not an expert, but I don't think scarecrows knock.
Martha walks to the door and opens it to reveal Latimer.
LATIMER: I brought you this.
Holds out watch.
WATCH (whispers): Martha.
Inside, Martha holds out the watch in her palm in front of the Doctor.
MARTHA: Hold it.
THE DOCTOR: I won't.
MARTHA: Please, just hold it.
LATIMER: It told me to find you. It wants to be held.
JOAN: You've had this watch all this time? Why didn't you return it?
LATIMER: Because it was waiting. And because I was scared of the Doctor.
JOAN: Why?
LATIMER: Because... I've seen him. He's... like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night and the storm in the heart of the sun.
THE DOCTOR: Stop it.
LATIMER: He's ancient and forever. He burns at the centre of time and he can see the turn of the universe.
THE DOCTOR: Stop! I said stop it.
LATIMER: And he's wonderful.
Joan reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out the journal.
JOAN: I've still got this. The journal.
THE DOCTOR: Those are just stories.
JOAN: Now we know that's not true. Perhaps there's something in here.
There is an explosion outside and they all gasp.
MARTHA: What the hell?
They all look out the window to see what could pass for meteorites falling to the ground.
BAINES: This'll flush him out! This'll do it! Super, super fun.
JOAN: They're destroying the village.
THE DOCTOR (softly): Watch.
Picks it up.
JOAN: John, don't.
WATCH: Come closer.
LATIMER: Can you hear it?
WATCH: Closer. Closer.
THE DOCTOR: I think he's asleep. Waiting to awaken.
LATIMER: Why did he speak to me?
THE DOCTOR (normal voice): Oh, low-level telepathic field. You were born with it. Just an extra synaptic engram causing... (Stops and inhales deeply). Is that how he talks?
MARTHA (excited): That's him! All you have to do is open it and he's back.
THE DOCTOR: You knew this all along and yet you watched while Nurse Redfern and I...
MARTHA (comes forward): I didn't know how to stop you! He gave me a list of things to watch out for but that wasn't included.
Joan scans the journal.
THE DOCTOR: Falling in love? That didn't even occur to him?
MARTHA: No.
THE DOCTOR: Then what sort of man is that? And now you expect me to die?
Explosions continue outside.
MARTHA: It was always going to end, though! The Doctor said the Family's got a limited lifespan. That's why they need to consume a Time Lord. Otherwise, three months and they die. Like mayflies, he said.
THE DOCTOR: So your job was to execute me.
MARTHA: People are dying out there! They need him and I need him. 'Cause you've got no idea of what he's like. I've only just met him. It wasn't even that long ago, but he is everything... he's just everything to me and he doesn't even look at me, but I don't care... 'cause I love him to bits. And I hope to God he won't remember me saying this.
The house rocks with the explosions.
LATIMER: It's getting closer.
THE DOCTOR: I should have thought of it before... I can give them this. Just the watch. Then they can leave and I can stay as I am!
MARTHA: You can't do that!
THE DOCTOR: If they want the Doctor, they can have him.
MARTHA: He'll never let you do it.
THE DOCTOR: If they get what they want, then... then...
JOAN: Then it all ends in destruction. I never read to the end but those creatures would live forever to breed and conquer. War across the stars... for every child.
The Doctor is on the verge of tears.
JOAN: Martha, Timothy, would you leave us alone, please?
The Doctor sobs as Martha and Latimer leave. Once they're gone, the Doctor breaks down and Joan hugs him. The Family keeps firing on the village. Martha and Latimer sit on a bench outside the house. Martha pulls Latimer into her arms and just holds him tight. Back inside the house, the Doctor and Joan are sitting side by side, the Doctor holding the watch in one hand, staring at it.
JOAN: If I could do this instead of you, then I would. I'd hoped... but my hopes aren't important.
The Doctor turns to look at her.
THE DOCTOR: He won't love you.
JOAN: If he's not you, then I don't want him to. I had one husband, and he died... I never thought... ever again. And then you... you were so...
THE DOCTOR: It was real. I wasn't... I really thought...
JOAN: Let me see. (Takes the watch). Blasted thing. (Turns it over with her fingers). Blasted, blasted thing. Can't even hear it. It's nothing to me.
The Doctor reaches out and holds Joan's hand, the watch touching both of them. The Doctor gasps and experiences visions of what his life could be with Joan: their wedding, the birth of their first child, walking in the park with Joan and their three children, and finally his peaceful death in bed.
ALTERNATE DOCTOR: They're all safe, aren't they? The children... the grandchildren... everyone's safe?
ALTERNATE JOAN: Everyone's safe. They all send their love, John.
ALTERNATE DOCTOR: It's done. Thank you.
Closes his eyes and dies.
THE DOCTOR (to Joan): Did you see?
JOAN: The Time Lord has such adventures but he could never have a life like that.
THE DOCTOR: And yet I could!
Looks at the watch once again.
JOAN: What are you going to do?
The Doctor turns to Joan, breathing heavily, but does not answer.
BAINES: We'll blast them into dust, fuse the dust into glass, then shatter them all over again!
There is a slight metal twang and the Family turns as one to see the Doctor enter the ship.
THE DOCTOR: Just... (He gives a clumsy lurch and leans against the side of the ship, hitting a few buttons). Just stop the bombardment. That's all I'm asking. I'll do anything you want, just stop.
BAINES : l Say please.
THE DOCTOR: Please.
After a slight pause, Jenny turns a switch and there is a hiss as the ship responds.
JENNY: Wait a minute. (Inhales deeply). Still human.
THE DOCTOR: Now I can't... I can't pretend to understand, not for a second, but I want you to know that I'm innocent in all this. He made me John Smith. It's not like I had any control over it.
Fumbles with more buttons.
JENNY: He didn't just make himself human, he made himself an idiot.
BAINES: Same thing, isn't it?
THE DOCTOR: I don't care about this Doctor and your family, I just want you to go. So, I've made my choice. (Holds out watch). You can have him. Just take it, please! Take him away.
BAINES: At last. (Takes the watch. As he gazes at it, he reaches out with his other hand and grabs the Doctor by the lapels). Don't think that saved your life.
Baines pushes the Doctor away and, as he falls, the Doctor hits more buttons.
BAINES: Family of Mine, now we shall have the lives of a Time Lord.
Opens the watch. The Family all breathe deep.
BAINES: It's empty!
Turns on the Doctor.
THE DOCTOR: Well, where's it gone?
BAINES: You tell me.
Baines throws the watch and the Doctor catches it one-handed.
THE DOCTOR (normal voice): Oh, I think the explanation might be you've been fooled by a simple olfactory misdirection... little bit like ventriloquism of the nose. It's an elementary trick in certain parts of the galaxy. But it has got to be said... (puts on glasses) I don't like the looks of that hydroconometre. It seems to be indicating you've got energy feedback all the way through the retrostabilisers feeding back into the primary heat converter... ah (hisses through teeth) 'Cause if there's one thing you shouldn't have done, you shouldn't have let me press all those buttons. But, in fairness, I will give you one word of advice.. Run.
Runs out of the ship.
BAINES: Get out! Get out!
The Family runs out of the ship and across the field behind the Doctor before the ship explodes, throwing them to the ground. The Family look up to see the Doctor standing over them.
BAINES (voice-over): He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing. The fury of the Time Lord. And then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he'd run away from us and hidden, he was being kind.
Shot of Clarke screaming, bound in thick metal chains. The Doctor is standing behind him, unmoved.
BAINES (voice-over): He wrapped my father in unbreakable chains, forged in the heart of a dwarf star.
Jenny, the TARDIS doors open behind her, is being pulled backwards out of the ship.
BAINES (voice-over): He tricked my mother into the event horizon of a collapsing galaxy to be imprisoned there... forever.
The Doctor watches coldly, no emotion on his face.
BAINES (voice-over): He still visits my little sister once a year every year.
The Doctor looks into an ornate mirror where a door is cracked open and Lucy peers out.
BAINES (voice-over) : I wonder if one day he might forgive her, but there she is... can you see? He trapped her inside a mirror, every mirror. If ever you look at your reflection and see something move behind you, just for a second, that's her. That's always her.
Baines is dressed as a scarecrow out in a field.
BAINES (voice-over): As for me, I was suspended in time. And the Doctor put me to work...
The Doctor places the hood over his head.
BAINES (voice-over): ... standing over the fields of England... as their protector.
The Doctor walks away.
BAINES (voice-over): We wanted to live forever, so the Doctor made sure that we did.
The Doctor returns to the Cartwright's house in his regular gear. Joan is there, waiting.
JOAN (looks out window): Is it done?
THE DOCTOR: It's done.
JOAN: Police and the arm are at the school. The parents have come to take the boys home. I should go. They'll have so many questions. I'm not sure what to say. (turns around). Oh, you look the same. Goodness, you must forgive my rudeness. I... find it difficult to look at you. Doctor, must call you Doctor. Where is he? John Smith?
THE DOCTOR: He's in here somewhere.
JOAN: Like a story. Could you change back?
THE DOCTOR: Yes.
JOAN: Will you?
THE DOCTOR: No.
JOAN: I see. Well then. He was braver that you, in the end. That ordinary man. You chose to change. He chose to die.
THE DOCTOR: Come with me.
JOAN: I'm sorry?
THE DOCTOR: Travel with me.
JOAN: As what?
THE DOCTOR: My companion.
JOAN: But that's not fair. What must I look like to you, Doctor? I must seem so very small.
THE DOCTOR: No. We could start again. I'd like that, you and me. We could try, at least. Because everything that John Smith is and was, I'm capable of that, too.
JOAN: I can't.
THE DOCTOR: Please come with me.
JOAN: I can't.
THE DOCTOR: Why not?
JOAN: John Smith is dead and you look like him.
THE DOCTOR: But he's here. (Walks to Joan). Inside. If you look in my eyes.
JOAN: Answer me this, just one question. That's all. If the Doctor had never visited us, if he'd never chosen this place on a whim... would anyone here have died? (The Doctor doesn't answer). You can go.
The Doctor leaves and Joan slowly walks to the table, picks up the journal and holds it to her, crying. Martha is waiting by the TARDIS in a field and watches as the Doctor approaches.
THE DOCTOR: All right. Molto bene!
MARTHA: How was she?
THE DOCTOR: Time we moved on.
MARTHA: If you want, I could go and...
THE DOCTOR: Time we moved on.
MARTHA: I meant to say back there, last night... I would have said anything to get you to change.
THE DOCTOR: Oh yeah, of course you would. Yeah.
MARTHA: I mean, I wasn't really...
THE DOCTOR: Oh, no, no.
MARTHA: Good.
THE DOCTOR: Fine.
MARTHA: So here we are then.
THE DOCTOR: There we are, yes.
Martha nods.
THE DOCTOR: And I never said thanks for lookin' after me.
Wraps Martha in a big hug.
LATIMER: Doctor, Martha.
THE DOCTOR: Tim-Timothy-Timber.
LATIMER: I just wanted to say good-bye. And thank you, because I've seen the future and I now know what must be done. It's coming, isn't it? The biggest war ever.
MARTHA: You don't have to fight.
LATIMER: I think we do.
MARTHA: But you could get hurt.
LATIMER: Well, so could you, travelling around with him, but it's not going to stop you.
THE DOCTOR: Tim, I'd be honoured if you'd take this.
Gives him the watch.
LATIMER: I can't hear anything.
THE DOCTOR: No, it's just a watch now. But keep it with you. For good luck.
MARTHA (hugs Latimer): Look after yourself.
Kisses him on the cheek before going into the TARDIS.
THE DOCTOR: You'll like this bit.
Goes inside and the TARDIS dematerialises. Latimer smiles and walks away.
World War I in the trenches and men are struggling through the mud. A bomb whistles.
MAN: Incoming!
THE DOCTOR (voice-over): In June 1914, an archduke of Austria was shot by a Serbian and this then led, through nations having treaties with other nations, like a line of dominoes falling, to some boys from England walking together through France on a terrible day...
LATIMER (opens the watch): One minute past the hour. It's now. Hutchinson, this is the time, it's now.
Looks up. We hear the whistle of a bomb.
LATIMER: To the right! To the right!
Latimer and Hutchinson jump into a muddy ditch as the bomb falls where they once stood.
LATIMER (smiles): We made it. (softer). Thank you, Doctor. Come along, chap.
HUTCHINSON: Leave me. I'm not gonna make it.
LATIMER: Oh yes you are. Didn't I promise you, all those years ago? Now, come on, and that's an order!
Latimer and Hutchinson slog across the muddy battlefield.
Years later a Remembrance Sunday service is being held. An older man sits in a wheelchair, others standing behind him. A female vicar is reading "[i]For the Fallen" by Laurence Binyon.[/i]
VICAR: "... They mingle not with laughing comrades again, / They sit no more at familiar tables of home, / They have no lot in our labour of the day-time, / They sleep beyond England's foam. / They went with songs to the battle,"
(A close-up on the old man shows a number of medals. In his hands, he holds a watch. It's Latimer).
VICAR: "... they were young, / Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow. / They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,"
Latimer's head turns and he sees Martha attaching a poppy to the Doctor's lapel. Latimer smiles.
VICAR : "... They fell with their faces to the foe. / They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old, / Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. / At the going down of the sun and in the morning. / We will remember them".
Shot of the watch in Latimer's gloved hand. | Plan: A: time; Q: What does the Doctor suspend the Son in? A: a telepathic student; Q: What is Latimer? A: the voices; Q: What can Latimer hear in the fob watch? A: Redfern; Q: Who turns down the Doctor's invitation to go travelling with him? A: the dance hall; Q: Where did Smith, Martha and Redfern escape from? A: an abandoned house; Q: Where do Smith, Martha and Redfern flee to after the Family attack the school? A: the village; Q: What do the Family bombard with their spaceship to draw the Doctor out? A: The Doctor; Q: Who overloads the Family's spaceship while misdirecting them? A: the eternal life; Q: What do the Family wish for? A: the Father; Q: Who is imprisoned in unbreakable chains? A: the Mother; Q: Who is imprisoned in the event horizon of a collapsing galaxy? A: the Daughter; Q: Who is imprisoned in every mirror? A: the Son; Q: Who does the Doctor dress up as a scarecrow? Summary: Latimer, a telepathic student who can hear the voices in the fob watch, distracts the Family by briefly opening the fob watch, which he is keeping hidden from the Family, allowing Smith, Martha and Redfern to escape the dance hall. They flee to an abandoned house after the Family attack the school, and are followed there by Latimer. The Family bombard the village with their spaceship to draw the Doctor out. Smith opens the fob watch, becoming the Doctor again. The Doctor overloads the Family's spaceship while misdirecting them. He gives them the eternal life they wished, while imprisoning the Father in unbreakable chains, the Mother in the event horizon of a collapsing galaxy, and the Daughter in every mirror. He suspends the Son in time, and dresses him up as a scarecrow. Redfern turns down the Doctor's invitation to go travelling with him. |
Opening scene - Caleb and Sandy are at the pier - Sandy is leaning against a railing that faces out to the water and Caleb walks over to him and leans next to him
Caleb: what is the point of living in Southern California if its gonna be this cold
Sandy: fifty degrees in December Cal...that aint cold
Caleb: well my blood must'of gotten thinner
Sandy: or you got ice in your veins
Caleb: this time next year...I could be spending the holidays behind bars
Sandy: now that gives me a chill...don't know how you feel about it
Caleb: warm an fuzzy, how'do you think it makes me feel Sandy...what the hell else can I do
Sandy: you can come forward, trials right around the corner, Renee's gonna plead the fifth an when she does...your sunk...unless you tell the truth
Caleb: no I can't, you know I can't...what about the child
Sandy: which child...Lindsay
Caleb: (looks at Sandy) how'do you know her name (Sandy looks at him then looks away) but yeah...what happens to her
Sandy: spare me, your not tryin'a protect Lindsay your tryin'a protect yourself (shakes his head) cause you know once you come clean your gonna get what's comin to ya...but facin Kirsten an Julie has gotta be better then goin to jail
Caleb: Kirsten maybe...not Julie
Sandy: well (raises his eyebrows) then this is it, i'm done an so are you, happy holidays (pats Caleb on the arm and walks away)
(we see Sandy walk away and Caleb stands there thinking)
CUT TO: Cohen house - we see Ryan's stocking, then Seth's then Kirsten's and finally Sandy's all hanging in a row on the fire place. Seth reaches up to the mantel and pulls down the Menorah
Seth: mother (frowns) did you not clean out the Menorah from last year this shamans? lookin a little bit waxy
(we see Kirsten and Ryan carrying in a huge Christmas tree, as usual Seth is avoiding helping them,lol)
Kirsten: Seth sorry ill-ill get right on that
Ryan: uh Seth little help here please
Seth: thanks mom cause we can't afford to cut any corners (Kirsten and Ryan put the tree down) now if my sense of the culturalists? guide's as accurate
(Kirsten and Ryan stand the tree up near the fire place)
Kirsten: careful
Seth: and uh I do believe it is (dramatic) this is the year that Chrismukkah sweeps the nation ok people
Kirsten: (to Ryan) Ryan it's so nice ta have someone to help around the house
Seth: you're absolutely right it is which is why this year i've created a (goes out of the room) Chrismukkah work wheel
(Ryan and Kirsten walk over to the couch, Seth comes back in holding the 'work wheel')
Seth: so that everybody understands his an her duties this holiday season, wha-la (shows Kirsten and Ryan)
(we see what they are looking at which appears to be a paper plate that has been divided into 4 sections, each with a different colour. then there are heads stuck around the circle, Seth is up top, then Ryan, then Kirsten and finally Sandy. there is an orange arrow in the middle and each of the coloured sections are named they are INTERIOR DECOR, HOLIDAY SPIRIT, FOOD DEIGN then SECURITY)
Kirsten: you're kidding me
Seth: does it look like i'm kidding (circles the wheel with his finger for emphasis)
Ryan: let me guess what your job is
Seth: uh i'm supervising, smart ass
Ryan: ah that's big'a you
Seth: yeah but i'm also over seeing licensing an merchandising ok, t shirts mugs should it come to that and i'm pennin a Chrismukkah hymn set to Death Cabs lack of colour
Ryan: (sarcastic) uh all the makings of a classic (smiles)
Kirsten: (frowns) is Death Cab a band
Seth: (spins the wheel) oooh around we go on the wheel and (makes a noise) mother your in charge of interior decor ok now that's gonna mean uh trimmings, ornaments frosting to the windows...(puts his hands out) don't really know don't really care (points) just make it classy
Kirsten: (nods) ill do my best (Seth makes two ok signs with his hands) i've invited the Nichols or the...Cooper-Nichols or whatever there called these days
Seth: (nods) there called Gentiles (points) an a whole slue of em at that now we're gonna have ta really put our heads together and do some serious Jew-cruitment Ryan (Ryan pays attention) do you think you can rope in some Hebrews
Ryan: (sarcastic) blonde hair blue eyes yeah no problem, i'm a natural
Seth: fair point my Arian friend (thinks) ok where're we gonna find some Jews in Orange County (snaps his fingers and points)
(we see Sandy walking through the front door)
Seth: father! (Sandy looks over) (smiles) I have just discovered the ideal job for you this Chrismukkah
Sandy: (looks at Seth) Chrismukkah...ugh leave me out of it (walks out of the room)
(Ryan blinks, Kirsten looks at Seth)
Kirsten: oy humbug
Seth: oy humbug
Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor school - we hear the bell then we see Ryan and Seth walking in the hallway together
Ryan: your dad seemed pretty upset
Seth: ah you know my dad in the holidays (Ryan looks at him) he likes a slow build up, doesn't wanna peak too soon
Ryan: it's a long holiday, you gotta pace yourself (points at Seth)
(they are now at Ryan's locker)
Seth: (clicks his fingers) hey (Ryan looks at him) it's a marathon of presents not a race (thinks, sort of sings) to get through this holiday season, you must set a pace those are really good lyrics for this song, d'you have a pen on you
Ryan: your not really writing a song are you
Seth: hey, for Chrismukkah to sweep the nation we're gonna need an anthem...an i'm thinkin of havin lil Jo-Jo record it
Ryan: so in keeping of bringing Chrismukkah to the masses, you inviting Alex?
Seth: yeah I did she's away with her folks
Ryan: ah-huh
Seth: probably at some...club med tattoo parlour (shrugs) I don't know, what about you uh uh is Lindsay around
Ryan: (looks up) uh yeah, think she is
Seth: (shrugs) you gonna invite her
Ryan: (unsure) ahhh I can't I mean its kind of a big step, an with Marissa there it just (Seth raises his eyebrows) it'd be too weird for her, for Lindsay
Seth: (shakes his head) that's the thing, Marissa's not gonna be there, I had my mom draw up a seating chart (Ryan looks at him) an she said she's gonna be with her dad
Ryan: really
Seth: yeah
Ryan: (shuts his locker) we just got things to a good place, you know we got a little mystery back
Seth: mm alright
Ryan: inviting her over for the hol- it feels like I might be rushing things
Seth: then don't do it man (points) do not do it the last thing you wanna do is rush things
(Seth walks out of the shot and Ryan stands there tapping his book and staring ahead. after a while Seth comes back)
Seth: what are you doing, we're gonna be late (pulls Ryan away)
Ryan: sorry
CUT TO: Jimmy's yacht - we see a wide shot of the yacht, then we see Julie and Jimmy heavily making out on Jimmy's bed. they are both under the covers. Julie is on top of Jimmy.
Julie: are you sure we're not rushing things
Jimmy: (breathless) well you know (kisses Julie) we were married for (kiss) seventeen years sooo (kisses her neck)
Julie: oh it's just that its ben so long since we've done this
Jimmy: well its like-its like riding a bike (Julie stops and looks at him, unimpressed) well an incredibly...toned an you know evenly tanned and (kisses her) limber bike (Julie smiles, Jimmy kisses her again) you know with a really sharp mind an (Jimmy rolls Julie over so he's now on top) incredible sense of (kiss) of uh (kiss) interior design
(Jimmy kisses her neck and they both moan, and breathe heavily)
Julie: oh god, slow down... (Jimmy lifts his head up) i'm sorry...uh...uh...it-it's just does this...count um as-as (frowns) adultery
Jimmy: well your? (kiss) cheating on your husband with your ex husband uh technically I-I think uh (kiss) it does yeah (kiss)
(Jimmy starts kissing her neck again. Julie makes a groan'ish noise and sits up)
Julie: (softly) i'm sorry (normal) its just ok (puts her hand to her forehead)
Jimmy: what?
Julie: Caleb an I aren't getting along I mean he hasn't touched me in months...he's probably going to jail
Jimmy: (kisses Julie's cheek) well it's wonderful how maturely you're handling it all (kiss)
Julie: I don't hear you complaining
Jimmy: well do you wanna stop (nibbles her cheek)
Julie: (opens her eyes) (thinks) no
(Julie turns to Jimmy and kisses him, while pushing him back on the bed. the camera pans out on a wide shot of the yacht)
CUT TO: The pier - Sandy is there and Renee walks up to him and does a small wave
Sandy: thanks for comin on such short notice
Renee: I don't have much of a lunch break so...why did you wanna meet here
Sandy: I've run outta places to go I-i've had so many clandestine meetings lately I-I feel like i'm in an Oliver Stone movie, look I-I know you feel that if you come forward your gonna lose your daughter (Renee nods) ...you may lose her either way (Renee is listening) the DA's convinced that Caleb was bribing somebody in the city councilman's office, bribing you...an unless somebody testifies differently...they have enough evidence to send you to jail
Renee: (tears in her eyes) ...how do I tell my daughter that i've ben lying to her her whole life...inventing a father she never had, keeping her from meeting her family
Sandy: maybe its time she met him...maybe its time to stop lying, Caleb wont come forward, I cant...your our last hope
Renee: (shakes her head) i'm sorry
(Renee walks away and Sandy watches helplessly)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Lindsay is in a class room at a desk studying and Ryan walks in
Ryan: (takes off his bag) hey
Lindsay: (looks up) (smiles) hey
Ryan: so you gonna study through all the Christmas break (sits)
Lindsay: I hope so...keep me distracted from having to remember it's actually Christmas
Ryan: uh you're not a fan of the holidays
Lindsay: who is
Ryan: uh well Seth actually, an he's even invented his own super holiday Chrismukkah
Lindsay: Chrismukkah...
Ryan: yeah
Lindsay: (laughs) well um that's...cute
Ryan: I guess it's uh...its eight days of gifts followed by one day of...many many gifts (Lindsay nods) we eat Chinese food an watch Christmas movies, although last year we watched over the top
Lindsay: oh well, a classic any time'a year
Ryan: that's what i'm sayin (Lindsay laughs)
Lindsay: (looks down) me an my mom we um...stopped even buying a tree...it always just looked so sad with just two gifts under it (Ryan looks at her) when I wasssss little...uh all my friends were waiting for something from Santa and...I was just hoping...for something...anything...from my dad
Ryan: you still waiting
Lindsay: not anymore...every kid grows up...stops believing in Santa...I stopped believing in my dad (Ryan looks sad) an there's no pine needles to clean up...so
Ryan: disappointed by your family over the holidays...i've ben there (Lindsay looks at him) so, do what I did find another family to spend em with um...come over
Lindsay: come over (raises her eyebrows) for Chrismukkah
Ryan: (smiles) it'd be better if you were Jewish, there's a ratio issue but (Lindsay laughs) it'll be fun and Seth'll keep you very distracted
Lindsay: do you think we can watch over the top
Ryan: I think I could watch that movie a hundred times an never get sick of it (smiles)
(Lindsay laughs)
CUT TO: Student lounge - Summer is sitting at the counter and Marissa walks over to her
Marissa: where's Zach (sits) i'm not use to seeing you without him
Summer: he left early for Christmas in Cabot with his fam (sad) he's ben gone one day an I miss him already
Marissa: DJ's in Sacramento with his family for two weeks...I miss him too
Summer: (sarcastic) well this should be a fun break, me you Caleb an my step monster, should be one for the ages
Marissa: we could start spiking the egg nog
Summer: (looks at Marissa) Coop
Marissa: kidding...kind of...actually not really (drinks coffee) this sucks, last year the holidays were so much fun
Summer: yeah, I got rejected by Cohen in a wonder woman costume and you (points) got caught shoplifting
Marissa: (smiles) yeah, it was memorable though
Summer: I guess it was
(they both drink their coffees, Seth walks over to the counter)
Seth: hey can I get a large coffee please, thanks (to Summer & Marissa) hey guys, Merry Chrismukkah
Marissa: don't remind us...
Summer: I forgot about your (raises her eyebrows) festive little holiday
Seth: ok, my colour coded holiday alert system is detecting you two (shakes his head) your taupe (Marissa frowns, Summer looks away) c'mon that's a very dangerously low level of holiday cheer
Summer: well I don't know what your talking about Cohen (raises her eyebrows) I for one am looking forward to dinner with my step mom, face down in her Christmas ham
(Summer and Marissa get up from their seats and start walking away)
Marissa: an I cant wait to be on my dads boat an hear him talk about how much he misses Hailey
Seth: (follows) wait a second guys (they stop) Summer, Marissa on behalf of Jesus an Juda Makaby? and the Cohen's I would like to cordially invite you both (to Marissa) an your dad Marissa (to Summer) but not yours Summer because he both scares an hates me (Summer and Marissa look at each other) ta come celebrate a little holiday I like to call Chrismukkah (smiles) its also uh a sorta my way of apologising for the whole...SnO.C debacle
Marissa: (looks at Summer) sure why not
Summer: ok, i'm in, whatever
(they both turn away)
Seth: hey (smiles) somebody just went from taupe to putty
CUT TO: Harbor group - Julie rushes in and over to Kirsten who is in like the main lobby {no idea what it's officially called, sorry}
Julie: Kirsten are you ready for the investors meeting
Kirsten: (to girl) thanks (to Julie) uh I was...and I attended the meeting two hours ago
(Kirsten walks back to her office and Julie follows her)
Julie: what! two hours- oh god...uh uh my new assistant is constantly putting the wrong numbers inta my-my-my blackberry
(they are now inside Kirsten's office)
Kirsten: hmm, I tried to reach you all morning
Julie: well my battery must've died
(Julies phone rings, and the ring tone is 'the hustle,lol)
Kirsten: or not
Julie: hm
Kirsten: that's so funny that that's Jimmy's favourite song
Julie: is it...huh I forgot
Kirsten: that's why you got that ring tone, I got hungry like the wolf an he got the hustle, I was there when you picked them out
Julie: (looks) oh it is Jimmy, well nothing gets by you Kirsten you've got a memory like an elephant
Kirsten: you gonna answer it...?
Julie: (waves it off) oh no, it's just Jimmy
Kirsten: I thought you two were getting along really well
Julie: what makes you say that
Kirsten: last week when you said that you an Jimmy were getting along really well (Julie doesn't say anything, she kind of fidgets) Julie are you ok you seem a little frazzled
Julie: oh well you know I...didn't get a chance to blow my hair out thi'smorning so (points to her hair and fixes it)
Kirsten: (gets up) I said frazzled (walks passed Julie) not frizzy
(Julie sighs with relief once Kirsten has left)
CUT TO: Cohen house at night - Seth walks into the kitchen, and Ryan is at the table studying
Seth: hey man is dinner ready yet
Ryan: no your dads at the grill
Seth: (groans) i'm famished (rubs his stomach) all this planning for the big day
Ryan: (looks up from his book) really takin it outta ya huh
Seth: hey (points) ye...of little faith (points to himself) trust those of mixed faith, ok this year, its gonna be off the charts (points) its gonna be co- cheese?
Ryan: what's co-cheese
Seth: it's the highest level of holiday cheer on my colour coded holiday alert system, that's all
Ryan: (gets up) co-cheese is a colour...
Seth: yeah it's in the beige family
Ryan: couldn't go with like blue, could ya
Seth: listen to me it's gonna be awesome ok an I think especially now that Marissa an Summer are coming-
Ryan: (turns around from the fridge) whoa, whoa whoa Marissa's coming over I thought she was with her dad
Seth: yeah she was but she was all bummed out about it an I figured since you know you're not inviting Lindsay-
Ryan: (points with a bottle of water) except I did invite Lindsay
Seth: ... (raises his eyebrows) that's awkward
Ryan: (closes his eyes) Seth (sighs) what am I gonna do I can't have Lindsay an Marissa hanging out together its too weird
Seth: I agree
Ryan: you're not helping
Seth: (closes his eyes) ooooh god, what if it's starting
Ryan: (looks at Seth) what if what's starting
Seth: (worried) the Chrismukkah backlash what if it's getting too big an commercial
Ryan: I have a feeling i'm done studying
Seth: dude, I knew this would happen, its like it starts out as this really cool, cult holiday you know flying beneath the cultural radar an then all of a sudden it crosses over an then there's too much pressure I mean truthfully can it really be the next Thanksgiving, can it top Halloween
Ryan: this feels off topic?
(Ryan grabs his books and walks out of the kitchen into the backyard, Seth follows)
Seth: the government there gonna be asking me to create new holidays (Ryan looks at him) uh Seth, Seth! what about Eastover or or Kwanzashana, alright we can't let it happen
(Ryan and Seth are now near the door of the pool house, and Sandy is near there grilling food)
Sandy: hey guys
(Ryan walks into the pool house, Seth is at the door)
Seth: can't talk now dad we have an emergency on our hands
Sandy: oh what's goin on
Seth: (points) Ryan invited Lindsay over tomorrow said not? for wildfire that threatens man woman an Chrismukkah (Ryan walks back out and looks at Seth)
Sandy: (worried) ...you invited Lindsay over here
Ryan: uh yeah is that ok
Seth: oh sure you ask him
Sandy: I don't think its such a good idea
Seth: ...it isn't?
(they both walk over to Sandy)
Ryan: i'm sorry I didn't mean to impose
Sandy: well no its not that you know we have a...pretty liberal open door policy its-its uh... (turns to face them) w- how serious is it between you guys
Ryan: uhhh I don't know (looks at Seth) you know theressss still mystery
Seth: uh-hm (shakes his head)
Ryan: well maybe not mystery but suspense
Sandy: so you really like her
Seth: he wants to see her naked
Ryan: (whispers, looks at Seth) ok, you dont need to do this?
Seth: sorry
Ryan: (to Sandy) yeah yeah im starting to I mean, should I not
Sandy: ...her moms involved with Caleb's case its (sighs) the timing it's probably not great given everything
Ryan: yeah yeah ok
Sandy: ok (Seth frowns) (walks back to the grill)
Ryan: except I mean what'does Lindsay have to do with Caleb's case, (joking) what is she like Caleb's hit man, drug dealer (Seth laughs)
Seth: (joking) illegitimate love child
(Sandy drops his spatula and stops suddenly, he turns around and looks at them both. Ryan and Seth stop laughing and stare back at him, Sandy looks away and picks up the meat. he walks towards them)
Sandy: this stays between us
(Seth looks shocked, Sandy looks at Ryan, Ryan is stunned)
Sandy: at least until we make it through these holidays, come on dinners served
(Seth is standing silent with his arms folded, Ryan is staring off into the distance, Sandy walks away and Seth looks at Ryan)
CUT TO: The pool house the next morning - Ryan is getting ready and Seth walks through the door in his PJ's
Seth: hey, goin somewhere
Ryan: Lindsay's...gotta un-invite her like your dad said
Seth: you are
Ryan: well she can't be here if Caleb's gonna be here
Seth: no, hey man if we thought her an Marissa together'd be awkward
Ryan: and uh (sighs) I need you ta do something for me
Seth: yeah sure (touches Ryan's arm) dude name it, anything
Ryan: (frowns) I need you ta un-invite Summer
Seth: I can't do that (shakes his head) (pleadingly) it's rude
Ryan: well I gotta tell Lindsay we're not doin Chrismukkah this year, if she then finds out that Marissa an Summer came over
Seth: (sighs) I see your point...well while you're out, I mean you're already gonna have your speech down anyway maybe (points) you could go ahead an stop by Summer's for me
Ryan: do it please (walks away)
Seth: she's not gonna take it well man
Ryan: neither is Lindsay
(Ryan leaves and Seth screws up his face, frustrated)
CUT TO: Ryan riding his bike up to Lindsay's house - he gets off and leans it against the porch, the next thing we see is his hand near the door bell, he hesitates then reluctantly presses it. Lindsay opens the door with a huge smile on her face
Ryan: hi
Lindsay: hey (hugs Ryan)
Ryan: oooh
Lindsay: Happy Chrismukkah
Ryan: yeah, can we talk
Lindsay: oh yeah yeah (excited) ooo wait but first I have'ta show you what I made for tonight (pulls Ryan inside)
CUT TO: Seth knocking on Summer's bedroom door - Summer opens the door and Seth waves
Summer: (smiles) hey Merry Chrismukkah Cohen (hugs Seth)
Seth: oh, yes it is
Summer: I think tonight is gonna be so much fun
Seth: yeah it'll be great, can I talk to you for a second
Summer: sure, but first can you help me pick out a Christmas tree, i'm feeling all festive today
(Summer walks out of her room and passed Seth)
Seth: festive huh (closes his eyes, and screws his face up)
CUT TO: Lindsay's room? - Lindsay pulls Ryan into the room and over to her bed
Lindsay: ok ok I know everything I said about not being in the holidays, which is true but then I started thinking about Chrismukkah and hanging out with you an the Cohen's
Ryan: right an about that-
Lindsay: an I got inspired...an I stayed up all night (unsure) an your gonna think i'm a really big dork but ok
(Lindsay turns around and picks something up off of her bed)
Lindsay: (holds it out to Ryan) here!
(Ryan looks down and takes it, not sure what 'it' is)
Lindsay: (excited) it's a yarmuclaus
Ryan: a (laughs) yarmuclaus
Lindsay: yeah (laughs)
Ryan: (suprised) wow...th-w that's wow
Lindsay: yeah yeah (turns around) an I made a whole bunch an an it was fun an I never have fun this time of year an...I don't know if it was a new holiday or the idea of spending time with a family who actually enjoys the holiday but...oh my god (laughs) wow um listen to me (Ryan smiles) what'did you wanna talk about
Ryan: (can't do it) ...could you bring egg nog tonight
Lindsay: (smiles) (nods) yeah id love to
(Lindsay takes the yarmuclaus from Ryan and puts it on top of his head, then leans forward and kisses him. Ryan is suprised by it)
CUT TO: A Christmas tree lot - Summer is 'critiquing' all the trees and Seth just wants to leave {lol}
Summer: hm, fresh minty aroma, symmetrical conical shape
Seth: (claps his hands together) great, let's go
Summer: a bit too bushy, moving on
(Summer walks passed Seth and Seth puts his hands on his head, frustrated. Summer keeps walking and Seth reluctantly follows)
Summer: hm...huh, good needle retention, nice scent (touches the branch) hm feels a bit dry I don't think it's gonna last much longer
Seth: Summer! neither am I ok all these trees look the same
Summer: look Cohen when it comes ta Haggadah's dreidels an guilt you da man, when it comes to Christmas trees mm a bit out of your wheel house
Seth: i'm just saying we've ben here for hours
Summer: you are right, an if I don't pull the trigger soon we are gonna be late to your house (walks off)
Seth: ...hey about that um-
Summer: you know...Cohen I just think its really cool that you invited me tonight, you know after everything we've ben through... (Seth listens) you were able to put aside our differences, I just think your really changing an that maybe...we're actually friends
Seth: ...great
Summer: uh-hm (points above her head) mistletoe
(Seth looks up and sees two bunches hanging over them, he half laughs, Summer laughs and leans forward and kisses him on the cheek. she wipes his cheek afterwards)
Summer: was there something you wanted'ta talk to me about (Seth looks at her) hm?
Seth: (can't do it) ...how do you feel about makin Latkes
Summer: id love too (steps backwards) and could you just... (puts her head on the side for emphasis) carry this tree to my car
(Seth looks at the huge tree, his mouth is open from shock)
Summer: thanks (walks off)
(Seth closes his eyes and looks down)
CUT TO: The pool house - Seth walks in the door and Ryan comes out of the bathroom
Ryan: (sees Seth) hhhheeeyyy buddy
Seth: (waves) hello friend
Ryan: how'd it go with Summer
Seth: (avoids the question) w- how did it go with Lindsay, she take it better then expected (sits)
Ryan: ah well...I couldn't do it
Seth: what! (puts his hands out) you wussed out
Ryan: she's always miserable during the holidays (sits on the bed)
Seth: dude!
Ryan: she made a yarmuclaus...
Seth: a yarmu what
(Ryan picks the yarmuclaus up from the bedside table and hands it to Seth, without looking at him. Seth holds his hands out to receive it)
Seth: (in awe) holy Moses, it's beautiful
Ryan: at least Marissa an Summer aren't coming
Seth: ...yeah about that um (puts his hand up to his mouth)
(Marissa and Summer appear in the doorway)
Marissa: hey guys
(Ryan looks at Seth, Seth acts all innocent)
Seth: yarmuclaus (throws it to Summer)
Summer: (catches it) yarmu what (Marissa gasps) hm
Marissa: that's so cute (Summer puts it on Marissa's head)
Summer: aww
(Ryan looks away, worried)
CUT TO: Cohen front door - Sandy opens the door and Caleb and Julie are standing there
Sandy: well if it isn't the Grinch (Kirsten comes up behind him) and lady Grinch
Julie: I brought fruit cake
Kirsten: oh you shouldn't of...
(Julie hands Kirsten her coat)
Kirsten: may I take your...coats (Caleb kisses her on the cheek)
Caleb: (to Sandy) can we talk
Sandy: that's up to you (sighs)
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO: The kitchen - Jimmy is in there eating food and Julie walks in
Jimmy: mm, Julie sorry, I couldn't resist, this orange chicken is-
Julie: (eager) god I have missed you all day (kisses Jimmy)
Jimmy: still chewing (Julie kisses him again) I know I feel the same way
Julie: uh what're we doing I can't stop thinking about you
Jimmy: (whispers) I know I know I know, you know what, meet me in the bathroom in like ninety s-
Kirsten: (off screen) Julie (comes in) is there any room in the refri-
Julie: (pushes Jimmy away) keep your fingers out of the food till we eat Jimmy! god (picks up the fruitcake) no manners
Jimmy: (licks his fingers) i'm sorry, I couldn't resist i'm...gonna go...wash up
(Kirsten looks at Julie who has a huge smile on her face)
Julie: (opens the fridge) yeah
CUT TO: Out the front of the Cohen's - Renee and Lindsay pull up in the car
Lindsay: thanks for the ride mom (kisses Renee on the cheek)
(Lindsay un does her seat belt and opens the door)
Renee: are you sure you wanna do this...I mean we hate the holidays, that's our pact
Lindsay: ...maybe its time to get over that, get over dad (Renee looks at her) it's Chrismukkah
Renee: ah so you keep on saying (Lindsay laughs) (smiles) we can go see a movie, double feature (Lindsay doesn't say anything) have fun
(Lindsay gets out of the car and Renee watches, sad. the next thing we see is Kirsten opening the front door and Lindsay standing there holding egg nog)
Kirsten: (smiles) oh hello
Lindsay: hi
Kirsten: your Seth an Ryan's friend right
Lindsay: uh yeah, uh me an Ryan are more like lab partners really
Kirsten: well come on in (motions for Lindsay to come in)
(Lindsay turns around and looks back at Renne then goes inside, Kirsten waves to Renee and Renee waves back and smiles. Kirsten smiles and shuts the door. Renee's smile goes)
CUT TO: The pool house - Summer and Seth are playing the PSX in front of Ryan's bed. Marissa is sitting on the edge of the bed, and Ryan is next to her, but there's a gap between them
Marissa: gees, come on
Summer: i'm trying!
over each other:
Marissa: faster you've gotta get more aggressive Summer
Seth: that killer ? is not gonna kill themselves
Marissa: kick-kick him, kick (looks at Ryan)
Seth: eh- yeah
Marissa: (to Ryan) you know you can sit a little bit closer (raises her eyebrows) I don't bite
(Ryan slides closer, just as Lindsay walks through the door)
Lindsay: Happy Chrismukkah (stops suddenly when she sees everyone)
(Ryan and Seth both have their mouths open, Lindsay smiles. Ryan stands up)
over each other:
Marissa: hey
Seth: hey
Summer: hi
Lindsay: (over whelmed) hi
Marissa: hey (looks at Ryan out of the corner of her eyes)
(Lindsay's smile goes and she looks at Ryan)
Ryan: (clearly uncomfortable) playstation...
(Marissa looks from Ryan, to Lindsay and smiles {it's almost as if she's amused by the situation,lol}
Lindsay: (shakes her head) um (nervous laugh)
(Ryan and Marissa look at Seth, Summer looks at Lindsay then Seth)
Seth: (looking back and forth between everyone) I love the holidays, just (Ryan looks uncomfortable) bringin everyone together (Lindsay smiles)
CUT TO: Sandy's bar inside - Sandy is behind it pouring drinks and Caleb is sitting at it
Caleb: so, i've ben thinking about everything...about the whole family, about the holidays
Sandy: where're we goin with this Cal
Caleb: ...I need to tell the truth...I need to tell Kirsten
Sandy: boy you got a hell of a sense'a timing (drinks)
Caleb: no there is no good time (drinks)
Sandy: that's true (frowns) so what're you gonna say
Caleb: well I was hoping that you could help me with that part
CUT TO: The front door - Kirsten opens the door and Renee is standing there, she smiles
Kirsten: oh hi Renee (smiles) ar-are you looking for Lindsay
Renee: actually I was wondering...can-can I talk to you
(Kirsten looks at Renee)
CUT TO: Kirsten and Renee inside now - they walk towards the kitchen
Kirsten: can I get you a drink...glass of wine maybe
Renee: no, thankyou
(they are now entering the kitchen)
Renee: an I know this is a terrible time for me to be showing up
Kirsten: oh not at all, is everything ok (Renee looks at Kirsten) i'm gonna have a glass'a wine
(Renee walks closer to Kirsten, and Kirsten pours herself a glass of wine on the counter)
Renee: (looks around) you have a beautiful house
Kirsten: thankyou (looks at Renee and takes a sip of her wine)
Renee: an-an what I wanna say to you it-it should be Caleb who is saying it
Kirsten: (nods) well he's here
Renee: he is (raises her eyebrows)
Kirsten: would you like me to go get him
Renee: no, uh (Kirsten looks at her) I should be uh this-this
(Sandy and Caleb walk into the kitchen)
Renee: this isn't the right time
Caleb: Renee
Renee: (looks over at them) Caleb...
(Kirsten looks at both of them)
Caleb: what're you doing here (Renee looks at him)
Sandy: she's doing what your about ta do
(the camera changes and we see Lindsay, Seth, Marissa, Ryan and Summer coming out the pool house)
Seth: I call dibs on dumplings
Ryan: you've now called dibs on everything
Lindsay: when do we watch over the top
Seth: uh (off screen) when don't we
(we change back to the adults in the kitchen)
Renee: maybe you should speak first
(Sandy looks at Caleb)
Lindsay: (off screen) mom
(Caleb and Sandy both look towards the door way, we see Lindsay first, followed by Seth and Ryan, then Marissa and Summer further back. they all walk into the kitchen)
Renee: Lindsay
Caleb: Lindsay (smiles)
Lindsay: (to Caleb) um...have we met
(Sandy looks at Caleb, Seth and Ryan both look worried)
Renee: (walks over to Lindsay) Lindsay sweetie could you just uh...just give us a moment
Lindsay: (confused) why...what's going on
Kirsten: (fed up) that's what id like to know
(Lindsay looks from Kirsten, back to her mom. Renee looks at Caleb)
Renee: uh uh i'm gonna go, this isn't right-
Kirsten: look, no ones going anywhere until someone tells me what the hell is going on
(Julie walks in)
Julie: hey, what's goin on
(Jimmy comes in. we see the kitchen from a wide shot and it looks like this. Marissa, Summer, Seth, Ryan and Lindsay are standing near the door to the backyard. Caleb and Sandy are standing near the kitchen table and Kirsten Julie and Jimmy are near the counter. Renee is on the other side. they all look very uncomfortable)
Seth: (to Ryan) good thing the kitchens roomy (Ryan has his hand on his hip)
(Marissa looks at Ryan and Seth, worried. Summer looks down then they both look back towards the adults, Marissa has her arms folded across her chest)
Sandy: Cal...(puts his hand on Caleb's back) why don't you take it from here
(Caleb looks at Sandy, then Renee. Renee looks back at Caleb)
Caleb: (to Renee, whispers) I really can't believe you just showed up like this
Renee: did you really think we could get away with it forever
Lindsay: get away with what (looks at Renee)
(Renee looks at Lindsay, then Caleb)
Kirsten: dad! start speaking
Caleb: well does everyone have'ta be here for this
Julie: (hand on her hip) be here for what Cal
(Marissa looks worried and confused, Summer frowns. Seth and Ryan both look at the adults, worried)
Caleb: (sighs) ...i'm sorry it had ta happen like this Lindsay
(in the background Seth is chewing on his finger. Summer looks at Marissa)
Caleb: Kirsten (Kirsten has an angry/confused look on her face) I had hoped that I could protect you both from this forever but... well circumstances being what they are (raises his eyebrows) (Lindsay looks at him) where your mother an I face going to prison (Renee looks at Lindsay then down) well there really is no choice...sixteen years ago...I made (swallows) ...I made an error...in judgment...one that almost ruined my marriage
Lindsay: (tears in her eyes) oh my god
Kirsten: (realises) oh my god
Julie: no - way
(Caleb looks at Lindsay, Lindsay looks at Caleb then at Renee)
Renee: (crying) i'm sorry sweetie I should'a told you
(Lindsay looks from Renee back to Caleb)
Lindsay: ...you're my father (Caleb looks at her not saying anything)
(Lindsay looks at Caleb, then at Renee. she gets more upset and walks out)
Renee: Lindsay wait (goes after her)
(we now see Kirsten standing with her arms folded not looking at Caleb, Julie with her hand on her hip and Jimmy in the background with his head down. Seth is standing holding his arm with his hand looking very lost. Ryan is standing with his hand on his hip, worried about Lindsay. Marissa and Summer both look uncomfortable. Sandy looks at Kirsten, worried. Kirsten looks stunned. Caleb walks over to Kirsten slowly)
Caleb: I don't know what'ta say
(Kirsten slaps Caleb hard. Sandy is suprised by it and Seth and Ryan look down, trying to ignore it. Caleb rubs his cheek)
Kirsten: get out of my house
(Kirsten walks out and Sandy goes after her)
Caleb: (to Julie) do you think I should go an ta-
(Julie slaps Caleb, also hard on the on the opposite cheek. Summer looks away, Marissa watches, shocked/suprised. Jimmy is also shocked. Caleb holds his cheek and looks at Julie)
Julie: I think you should be ashamed of yourself (walks away)
Jimmy: (to Marissa) ill handle your mom (follows)
(Marissa acknowledges Jimmy then looks away in disbelief. Caleb turns around and Seth waves at him. Marissa looks down, Summer looks down and Ryan looks at him. Caleb walks out of the kitchen leaving Marissa, Summer, Seth and Ryan in the corner near the door by themselves. Seth sighs)
Ryan: ...I should talk to Lindsay (walks away)
Seth: i'm gonna go check on my mom, you guys just...hang out (walks away)
(Marissa and Summer move over to lean against the kitchen bench. Summer has her arms folded. Marissa looks stunned)
Summer: ...suddenly my family, not so dysfunctional
Marissa: (looks at Summer) you do know this is my family too
Summer: right, sorry I forget sometimes it's...its confusing
CUT TO: Kirsten walking in the hallway towards their bedroom. Sandy is behind her
Kirsten: (upset) you knew about this an you never told me!
Sandy: oh I couldn't, you know that
(they are now in the bedroom)
Kirsten: oh attourney client privilege Sandy, he cheated on my mom I have a sister i've never known!
(In the background Caleb comes to the door)
Sandy: oh I know, an we'll figure it out
Kirsten: (turns around) what is there to figure out
Caleb: Kirsten please listen-
Kirsten: (angry) (walks towards Caleb) I never wanna see you again you son of a (Sandy holds her back) (yells) BITCH (upset) how could you do that to me, to mom!
Caleb: Kirsten please I can explain-
Kirsten: (screams) just get out!
(Kirsten picks up a vase and throws it in Caleb's direction. Caleb ducks and it smashes on the wall. Seth comes to the door. Kirsten stares at Caleb crying. Caleb looks at her helplessly. Kirsten sighs)
Caleb: Kiki (Kirsten walks passed him) honey please
(Kirsten runs to the closet and Sandy follows her. Sandy isn't quick enough and Kirsten slams the door just as he reaches it. Seth watches)
Caleb: (yells) Kirsten
Sandy: (puts his hand up) now is not the time Cal, please
Caleb: hey let me try to talk to her
Seth: (stops Caleb, looks down) grandpa I think...maybe you should leave
Caleb: ...I would've ben better off going to prison
(Caleb leaves the room and Seth looks at Sandy. Sandy looks at Seth)
CUT TO: Lindsay's house - Ryan pulls up out the front. we see him undo his seat belt, then the next thing we see is him at the door, and Renee opening it
Ryan: is she here
Renee: (closes her eyes) this isn't a good time Ryan
Ryan: I know I just uh...I wanna talk to her make sure she's ok
Renee: she's not
Ryan: can I even talk to her for a second
(Lindsay comes to the door)
Lindsay: its ok mom, I can speak for myself
(Renee walks away from the door and Lindsay goes outside)
Ryan: hi (half smiles) (Lindsay half smiles, then it goes) i'm so sorry... (Lindsay closes her eyes) I know you wanna...be alone right now but um...I want you to know i'm here... (Lindsay opens her eyes) ok (smiles)
Lindsay: (looks down, sniffs) (softly) I think its best...if we don't see each other anymore (Ryan looks at her) ...I just...I don't wanna be anywhere near your family (sniffs) ever... (Ryan looks at her, listening) um but thanks...for coming by...happy holidays huh (Lindsay goes inside)
(Ryan watches the door close, then slowly turns away, sad. he walks down 2 steps then stands still with his head down, after a while he starts walking again)
FADE TO: Seth's bedroom - Marissa and Summer are sitting on Seth's bed, Summer has Captain Oats to her chest, stroking him
Summer: this years getting even weirder then last year
Marissa: (looks at Summer) I know...my ex boyfriend is dating my (frowns) (thinks) step... (unsure) sister...I think(raises her eyebrows)
Summer: (nods) we have new boyfriends
Marissa: and our ex boyfriends have new girlfriends
Summer: is that...what they are um...there uh girlfriends
Marissa: I think (shrugs) ... (scoffs) an now my step dad could be going'ta jail
Summer: is there something in the water
(Seth walks in. he looks lost and does a little wave at them)
Marissa: how'd it go
Summer: hey, is there um anything we can do
(Seth sits on the end of his bed then lies back and sighs)
Seth: I think we have'ta cancel Chrismukkah
(Marissa and Summer don't say anything, Seth sighs)
CUT TO: A diner - Marissa, Summer and Seth are sitting together in a booth. Ryan comes through the door and joins them
Ryan: hey
Marissa: hey, how's Lindsay
Ryan: (sits) uhhh not so good (to Seth) how'd everything go with your mom
Seth: uh we're at charcoal on my...colour coded holiday alert system
Marissa: your poor mom
Summer: (to Marissa) your poor mom
Marissa: yeah, of all the people to feel sorry for here...she's not really high on my list
Ryan: so then? Chrismukkah
Seth: cancelled, the way nature an apparently we intended it
Summer: that is so sad (Seth looks at her) Chrismukkah is suppose'ta bring people together, it's the time of year that you look forward to most Cohen
Seth: yeah well, you know my mom throwing vases at my grandfather's head kinda trumps it, even if it has twice the resistance...of your average holiday
(Summer looks at Marissa sad)
Ryan: (to Seth) you want a ride home man (gets up)
Seth: yeah, actually I do, unless Summer needs help with a ginormous tree strapped to her car
Summer: so that's it...you guys are jus gonna give up...give up on Chrismukkah when everyone we know needs it the most
Seth: ok (pats Summer's arm) thankyou Tiny Tim (Summer kicks him under the table) oww
Marissa: ok well what'do you wanna do Sum, cause we can't go back to the Cohen's
Ryan: an Lindsay'll never talk to me again
Seth: an I can no longer walk
Summer: well you guys can all give up, but I still believe in a Chrismukkah miracle (smiles)
(they all look at Summer. Summer looks at them)
Summer: and I have a plan (nods)
CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom - Julie is sitting on her bed holding 'share bear' . Caleb knocks then walks in
Caleb: i've ben looking for you all over the house
Julie: I wanted'ta see if Marissa was back yet, she's not...you can bet she will make this about her an that we will suffer the consequences for a very long time
Caleb: I know, it's tough on everyone...which is why I tried to keep it a secret
Julie: you an your secrets Cal...you need a walk in closet for all of your skeletons
Caleb: I promise you...this is the end
Julie: yeah...you don't have an evil twin you're not really an alien
Caleb: (raises his eyebrows) but now that the truth is out there (sits) the case will go away, ill be free
Julie: I just can't believe you cheated on your wife...
Caleb: it was hell...and it never happened again, never will, I have everything I need from this marriage an I hope you feel the same (leans to kiss Julie)
Julie: (gets up) don't put this back on me Cal
Caleb: I wasn't, I was merely saying (Julie looks at him) (sighs) i dont know (puts his hands over his eyes) I don't know what i'm saying anymore...i'm tired of lying I want this whole thing to be over and I...I need you to forgive me
Julie: i'm gonna go try an find Marissa
Caleb: well does that mean you forgive me
Julie: I don't know (walks out)
(Caleb watches her leave)
CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is at the counter eating Chinese and Ryan comes in
Ryan: hi
Sandy: (looks up) hey, you went an saw Lindsay
Ryan: tried
Sandy: oooh poor girl
Ryan: how goes it here
Sandy: fantastic, Kirsten's locked herself in her closet an other then requesting a power bar be slid under the door, she isn't speakin'a me, but on the plus side there's plenty'a moo shoo available (eats)
Ryan: ...i'm sorry...uh I just...I want you to know that i'm sorry I didn't un-invite (walks closer to Sandy)
Sandy: oh kid, this is so far from bein your fault
Ryan: well you don't think it's yours
Sandy: no, but no good deed goes unpunished, which explains why my wife is holed up next to a shoe rack
Ryan: (sighs) uh you mind if I...talk to her
Sandy: it's your life
CUT TO: Ryan knocking on the closet door
Kirsten: go - away
Ryan: its Ryan (waits)
Kirsten: I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now
Ryan: right...I know I...was hoping we could talk about Lindsay (waits)
Kirsten: is she ok...
Ryan: no...well not right now but...I guess it depends...
Kirsten: depends on what
Ryan: ...on whether or not she figures out she's...part of a family that's pretty good at letting in new members
(after a little while Kirsten opens the door)
Kirsten: (looks at Ryan) good line
Ryan: thanks
Kirsten: jus don't tell Sandy that I came out for you ok... (Ryan looks out of the corner of his eyes)
Sandy: yeah cause he wouldn't wanna hear that
(Kirsten comes out a little further and sighs, Ryan looks at her)
Sandy: ...you wanna meet your sister
Kirsten: (sighs) I don't know if i'm ready to start referring to her as that (teary) but Lindsay seems like a really-great-girl (sighs, cry's more)
Ryan: she is
(Sandy looks at Kirsten, Kirsten looks at Sandy, upset)
CUT TO: Jimmy's yacht - Summer and Marissa are getting on board
Summer: oh coop I cannot believe your dad lives on a boat that is so Miami Vice
Marissa: (suprised) you've seen...Miami Vice
Summer: repeats, my step mom she finds the pastel colours soothing
Marissa: hmm she's on some interesting drugs these days
Summer: hmm which I will be keeping away from you
Marissa: (turns around) hm
(Marissa walks up to the cabin door and knocks)
Marissa: (yells) dad (knocks) dad (goes to open the door)
(Jimmy comes out)
Jimmy: hi girls
at the same time:
Marissa: hey
Summer: hey
Jimmy: (shuts the door) how're you
Summer: we're ok
Marissa: we're just kind of in a rush an we were wondering, do you have a generator
Summer: mm
Marissa: and an extension cord (Summer nods)
Jimmy: ok I don't really like the sound'a that
Summer: oh its really important Mr. Cooper, a Chrismukkah miracle hangs in the balance
Marissa: mm-hmm, we'll explain later
Jimmy: well luckily living on a boat requires one to have such stuff, its right around the corner
(Marissa looks at Summer, Summer walks away to get them)
Jimmy: now, have you-have you spoken to your mom, she's worried sick about you
Marissa: oh really, that's too bad (Jimmy looks at her) (frowns) you've ben talking to her alot lately, your not like becoming friends or anything
Jimmy: why would that uh would that be so terrible
Marissa: yeah, for you (raises her eyebrows)
Summer: alright, got it Coop lets go
(Summer has the generator in her hand, and the extension cord over her shoulder. Marissa kisses Jimmy on the cheek)
Marissa: love you dad (goes to Summer)
Summer: thanks Mr. Coop
(heard in the background)
Summer: I think his new name should be ? for his boat, or whatever
Marissa: oh how're you doing with that
(Jimmy watches Marissa and Summer walk away sighs then he opens the cabin door)
Jimmy: there gone
(we see Julie appear from around the corner)
Jimmy: (sighs) I don't spose you heard any'a that did ya
Julie: please, it's almost a compliment from her
Jimmy: (looks at Julie) ...what're we doing Julie...are we...are we makin a huge mistake
Julie: yeah (Jimmy looks at her) (looks at him) but I wanna be with you
CUT TO: The beach - Lindsay is sitting on the sand looking out to the ocean, and Seth walks up to her
Seth: hey
Lindsay: (looks, then looks away) what're you doing here
Seth: uh you know your mom said I could maybe find you here (sits next to her) she also said you're not in the mood to see any friends
Lindsay: uh i'm not
Seth: ok (nods) I get that but here's the thing Lindsay (looks at her) you an I we're kin (points to himself, then her)
Lindsay: (closes her eyes) no, no we're not
Seth: yeah (claps) yeah we are, congratulations you're a Cohen, welcome to a life of insecurity an paralysing self doubt
Lindsay: it's...a little...soon ta joke (looks at Seth)
Seth: (shakes his head) not for us Cohen's, it's what we do. laugh through our tears, make jokes inappropriately soon after a traumatic event...sometimes...we'll just make the joke during the traumatic event
Lindsay: (looks at Seth) yeah traumatic...Seth, doesn't even begin to describe this
Seth: look...I get that what happened seems really over whelming
Lindsay: oh, do you
Seth: yeah I do but I think you an I have alot to be grateful for (Lindsay looks at him) most of all, that we didn't start dating
Lindsay: oh, yeah cause that would'a ben gross...on...several...levels
Seth: hey, there you go that's what i'm talking about, you are a Cohen ok an I like that you know what that means by the way, you get one'a these (turns around and picks something up)
(Seth hands a Christmas stocking to Lindsay)
Seth: enjoy
Lindsay: (takes it) um (looks) ...it says Laura
Seth: it's...the only one they had at the store...ill fix it later
(Lindsay smiles. camera changes and they are now walking down the road back to Lindsay's house)
Lindsay: so, when did you come up with this holiday exactly
Seth: oh no I didn't actually, Jesus an Moses they put it together over lunch, a few years back now I think it was
Lindsay: (laughs) what'does Moses have to do with Hanukkah
Seth: wait no I think actually your missing the point of the holiday completely
Lindsay: which...is
(Seth looks at Lindsay then motions ahead. Lindsay looks to where he's motioning and at that second Lindsay's house lights up with hundreds of Christmas lights. it's absolutely gorgeous! there is also a decorated Christmas tress in her yard as well as big novelty candy canes, Santa and reindeers on her roof and a snowman. Kirsten and Sandy, along with Renee are standing in front of the house. Seth looks at Lindsay who is stunned by it at all. Lindsay looks at Seth then looks back at the house. Seth smiles. Ryan is also sitting on her front steps wearing a yarmuclaus and Summer is up on the | Plan: A: Caleb; Q: Who is on the verge of facing serious jail time? A: Sandy; Q: Who tells Caleb to confess his involvement with Renee? A: Kirsten; Q: Who is Renee's mother? A: Jimmy and Julie's feelings; Q: What is deepening between Jimmy and Julie? A: Jimmy; Q: What character's feelings for Julie deepen? Summary: Caleb is on the verge of facing serious jail time, but Sandy tells him to confess his involvement with Renee, which could destroy both their relationships with Kirsten and the rest of the family. Jimmy and Julie's feelings for each other deepen. |
ACT ONE
Scene One - Café Nervosa Niles comes into the Café just as Frasier is saying goodbye to another man, who leaves.
Frasier: Hello, Niles.
Niles: Frasier, was that the author Dr. Gordon Edelstein?
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: I wasn't aware you knew him!
Frasier: Yes, well, we just met. You see, the station is hiring another call-in psychiatrist for a one-week trial period, and they've asked me to choose among the finalists.
Niles: Well, he'd be wonderful! I just finished his book on the victims of obsessive-compulsive disorder. [wiping down his chair] Poor, tic-ridden devils! [sits]
Frasier: Niles, before you take out your utensil chamois, I've got to tell you I have another interview in just a few minutes, all right? Though it's going to be tough to top Dr. Edelstein.
Niles: I must say, you're taking this rather well.
Frasier: What do you mean.
Niles: Many people in your position would feel threatened at the thought of... well, another cat sharing the litter-box.
Frasier: Your flattering analogy aside, Niles, I take it as a tribute. Obviously, the station is so pleased with my show that they're looking for more of the same. They could hardly ask me to do another three hours. Imagine how exhausting that would be.
Niles: And for you as well. Anyway, moving on to me, what's the verdict?
Frasier: Verdict?
Niles: On my new look. I must say, you deserve some of the credit.
Frasier: Really?
Niles: Well, yes, you keep saying I should accept Daphne's relationship with Donny and find a paramour of my own. Well, the hunt is on! I thought to bolster my self-esteem I would adopt this raffish new look!
Frasier: Well, it suits you. Dashing, and yet understated, and, uh... oh, I give up, what are we talking about?
Niles: My mustache. [stretches his upper lip] I grant you, it's at an early stage.
Frasier: What stage, Research & Development?
A blond woman in a smart suit comes into the café.
Nora: Dr. Crane? Dr. Nora Fairchild.
Frasier: Oh yes, of course. Welcome.
Nora: I can't tell you what a privilege this is. I listened to your show today, and I was amazed! I hope that doesn't sound too fawning.
Frasier: Oh, fawning is just fine. Fawning is fun!
Nora: I hope I'm not interrupting another interview?
Frasier: No, no, this is my brother, Niles Crane. He was just about to leave.
Nora: I should have known you two were brothers. The same superb fashion sense, the same refined yet masculine good looks. [to Niles] You must be so proud of your kid brother, the radio star.
Niles: Well, yes. Congratulations on your new job, I hope you'll be very happy at KACL.
Nora: Isn't that a bit premature?
Niles: Oh well, let's just say I know my little brother.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - KACL Frasier and Kenny (the station manager) issue Dr. Nora in, followed by her producer, George.
Nora: I want to thank you both for making me and my producer feel so welcome. Is everyone around here as friendly as you two?
Frasier: Well...
Roz, catching sight of George, comes out of her booth and cozies up.
Roz: Well, hello there!
Frasier: Some are even friendlier. This is my producer, Roz Doyle.
Nora: Dr. Nora, and this is my producer, George.
Roz: Nice to meet you.
George: Hello.
Roz: Follow me and I'll give you the lay of the land.
She leads George into her booth.
Frasier: Let's just hope that's a figure of speech, not a sales pitch. Well, Nora, please, please, do come in, make yourself at home. [she sits in his chair] Here we are, get settled in. Here's your headset, of course the phone lines, everything's pretty self-explanatory, cough button, on-air button. Listen, I want you to remember it's all right to be nervous. Even my first show was a tad bumpy.
Kenny: "Bumpy?" [laughs] It was a train wreck! "Medic, we got incoming!"
Frasier: Yes, thank you, Kenny. As I recall, you weren't even here then.
Kenny: Oh, I got a tape of it from my Secret Santa. Break a leg, Dr. Nora.
Nora: Thank you.
Frasier: I'll get out of your hair. Godspeed, Dr. Nora.
She smiles at him. He leaves the booth and closes the door. Out in the hall, he claps with anticipation. Roz sees him.
Roz: What are you smirking about?
Frasier: Oh, gosh, it's just so much fun to have a protégé. You see the way she behaves towards me? It's like a shy Japanese novice bowing before her Frasier sensei!
Roz: I feel a bow coming on myself. Could you pass me that wastebasket?
Frasier: Stop it! Shh, she's about to start. I just want to catch the beginning, make sure she's got those first-show jitters under control.
In the booth, Nora finished introducing herself.
Nora: All right, let's get right to our first caller. Whom do we have?
George: We have Jenny from Tacoma on line one.
Nora: Hello, Jenny, I'm Dr. Nora and I'm here to help.
Jenny: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Nora. My boyfriend and I have been living together for about two years-
Nora: Are you having s*x?
Jenny: Our s*x life's not the problem, it's great. But whenever I mention marriage he changes the subject. Do you think that he's afraid of commitment?
Nora: No, that's it. Let me help you see this from a different perspective.
In the hall, Frasier and Roz have seen enough, and walk down the hall.
Nora: You're a whore, Jenny. Frasier and Roz rush back and stare through the glass.
Jenny: Huh? A-a whore?!
Nora: You're sleeping with a man you're not married to. In my book, that's a whore.
Jenny: I-I'm not a whore! I'm a flight attendant!
Nora: Oh, you think there's no overlap?
She laughs at her joke. George grins.
Roz: Well, she's got her jitters under control! In the booth:
Nora: Wake up, Jenny, you've blown it! Dump this creep! Find a new guy, and until you're Mrs. New Guy you keep those knees together, OK? Staple them! I don't care if you have to hop to the altar! [laughs] God bless, honey. Who's next?
In the hall, Frasier is reeling at what he's unleashed.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Apartment Daphne is drying dishes in the kitchen. Niles walks in.
Niles: Hello, Daphne.
Daphne: Hello.
Niles: Notice anything?
Daphne: [pause, then] Oh yes, don't you look dashing! Blue really is your color. Hold still, though, there's something on your lip. [holds his chin and wipes his lip with the dishrag] Oh, wait, it's some sort of hair.
Niles: Actually, it's a mustache.
Daphne: Oh yes, so it is. Still a bit on the wispy side. Yeah, puts me in mind of my Grammy Moon. Or rather it will, once it's grown in a bit.
They go out into the living room, Martin is reading the paper. Frasier comes in.
Frasier: Turn on the radio.
Martin: Something the matter?
Frasier: Just turn the radio on to KACL, please.
Daphne does.
Nora: [v.o.] Listen to me, you have a child! You think you have the right to get divorced just because you're tired of your husband?
Jill: [v.o.] But he's gay!
Nora: You picked him. You made a baby with him. Maybe you got him drunk, maybe you dressed up as Antonio Banderas, I don't care! Just make it work!
Daphne turns off the radio.
Niles: Well, that's a bit harsh!
Frasier: Oh, please. This is a woman who believes the Spanish Inquisition was just tough love for heretics!
Martin: You know, we were listening to her while I was doing my exercises, and I don't think she's so bad.
Frasier: Excuse me?!
Martin: Well, it's nice to have someone stand up for old-fashioned values. Like s*x. I mean, I'm no prude, but in my day s*x was still something sacred, and mysterious. Nowadays, you can't even turn on the television without seeing all this "Ooh-ooh, Ah-ah" stuff!
Frasier: Well, I think that explains our ninety dollar cable bill this month!
Martin covers his face with the paper.
Daphne: I liked her too. She reminds me of my old mum. She'll point out every little flaw you've got, remind you of every mistake you ever made, tell you you're lazy, you'll never amount to anything, and no good man will ever have you. But, it's just because she loves you! In fact, I think I'll give old Mum a call!
Daphne goes to her room.
Martin: You know, if you hate her so much, why did you hire her?
Frasier: Well, I didn't know she was going to behave this way! She said all the right things at the interview.
Niles: Ho-ho, she certainly did! She complimented his clothes, his looks, she even pretended to believe I was the older brother. Of course, the mustache may have clouded her judgment on that.
Martin: She has a mustache?
Frasier: Well, like it or not, I am responsible for her being here. I'll just have to have a talk with her. Tell her to soften her approach a bit before she alienates her entire audience. I mean, really, people can tell the difference between constructive criticism and outright abuse!
Daphne crosses the room with the cordless phone.
Daphne: No, Mum, my boyfriend hasn't dumped me for someone prettier and smarter yet! [laughs; to the gang] She's such an old tease.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DR. RUTHLESS
Scene Four - KACL Frasier is finishing his show.
Frasier: Until tomorrow, then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. He goes off the air. Dr. Nora comes in.
Frasier: Ah, Dr. Nora.
Nora: Such a frosty tone. Is something the matter?
Frasier: I have just one question-
Roz storms in from her booth.
Roz: What kind of vicious, judgmental, name-calling, machete- mouthed bitch are you?
Frasier: I was going for the less feisty version.
Roz: I heard what you said to that single mother yesterday. For your information, I happen to be a single mom too.
Nora: That doesn't surprise me after watching you pounce on poor George like a Kodiak bear on a salmon.
Roz: That does it...!
Frasier: Roz, Roz, stop it! I have to talk to Dr. Nora before her show. Now, just pencil the hair-pulling for later, all right?
Roz: All right. [to Nora] But this isn't over between us. If you want, I'll take this out on the street.
Nora: That would hardly be fair. You'd have the home field advantage. [laughs]
Roz lunges, but Frasier holds her back and shoos her out of the booth.
Frasier: Well, I don't even know where to begin.
Nora: Save it. Whatever it is, I've already heard it. "Dr. Nora is mean, Dr. Nora hurts people's feelings." Well, too bad. I'm not here to coddle people, I'm here to help them.
Frasier: Oh, really? And just how were you helping that poor, confused bisexual woman by calling her an "equal-opportunity slut?" You know, the worst thing about this is how you misrepresented yourself to get this job.
Nora: You're hardly one to question my ethics. We both know you hired me because you hoped I might sleep with you.
Frasier: That thought never occurred to me!
Nora: Now who's lying? You won't admit that, like most men, you leave all major decisions to your pen1s. Fortunately for Seattle, your pen1s chose right. It just didn't know why.
Frasier: Yes, well, you're just forgetting one thing, Dr. Nora. You are here on my recommendation, you may consider it withdrawn.
Kenny comes in.
Kenny: Hey, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Ah, Kenny, just the man I wanted to see.
Kenny: Dr. Nora - don't hit me! [laughs]
Frasier: I want to talk to you about Dr. Nora's show.
Kenny: Yeah, well, get in line. The switchboards were going nuts.
Frasier: I don't doubt it.
Kenny: They love you!
Frasier: Excuse me?!
Kenny: Well, except for the ones that hate you. But either way, they're listening. So you consider that option picked up.
George: Ten seconds.
Nora: Thank you, Kenny. Now get out of my booth.
Kenny: [acting scared] Ooh! [then, obedient] Yes, ma'am.
Kenny and Frasier leave the booth.
Frasier: Kenny, you can't be serious about hiring that woman full-time! Putting that woman behind a microphone is like putting Typhoid Mary in a kissing booth!
Kenny: I'm sorry, Doc. Ratings are ratings.
In the booth:
Tom: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Nora, my name is Tom, and I have this co-worker who's really driving me up the wall. What can I do about it?
Nora: Not a thing, Tom. Not one damn thing.
She smirks over her shoulder at Frasier. Furious, he leaves.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
Scene Five - KACL. Frasier is on the air with a woman, Denise. Dr. Nora watches from the hallway.
Denise: [v.o.] Nothing I ever do is good enough for her. I baked a cake for her birthday, and she said it tasted like sawdust. I know she's my mother, but sometimes I just want to shut her out of my life.
Frasier: Oh, Denise, burning bridges solves nothing. I'd like to suggest that you seek family counseling to help you and your mother get to the root of some of these issues, provided your mother's willing to cooperate. If not, perhaps individual counseling would help. Will you stay on the line so Roz can give you some numbers?
Denise: O.K. Thank you, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: It's my pleasure. [looks over his shoulder and sees Nora's sour look] Well, I see through the glass that Dr. Nora either disagrees with me or has just eaten a bad clam. I'm sure she'll tell us which when the Dr. Nora show begins right after this traffic report from Chopper Dave.
He goes off the air, picks up his briefcase and goes into Roz's booth. George also comes in and selects some carts. Nora comes into Frasier's booth and sits down.
Roz: O.K., Denise, I've got some numbers for you. Do you have a pen?
Frasier: Come on, Roz, hurry up. I'd like to get out of here before her trainer shows up with a bucket of live mice for her pre- show feeding.
In the other booth, Nora immediately hits "On-Air."
Nora: I'm sorry to cut you off, Chopper Dave, but we have a therapy emergency. Denise, are you still on?
Denise: Yes.
Frasier: That's my caller!
Nora: Denise, I want you to ignore everything Dr. Crane just told you. I know a lot more about mothers that he does, and here
is Fact #1: they don't change. Cut this woman out of your life.
Frasier: I don't believe this!
Denise: You don't think that with counseling-
Nora: Denise, when you have a tumor, what do you do? Do you sit it down and say, "Hey, tumor, let's get along, O.K.?" No, you take a knife and cut it out! Well, Denise, your mother is a tumor. My heart bleeds for you, because I have been there, and I know how hard it is to look at your own mother's face and say, "Bye-bye, you toxic harpy! You are not hurting me again!" But that is what you have to do.
Frasier angrily picks up the phone in the producer's booth and dials.
Denise: I think maybe you're right.
Nora: I'm always right. And you know what else? I bet your cake was yummy. God bless, honey. Who's next?
George: We have Frasier, from here.
Frasier: [over booth phone] How dare you ambush Denise that way?
Nora: Oh well, what a surprise. I dare to give one of Frasier's callers a second opinion, and what does Frasier say?
She plays a SFX cart of a baby crying.
Frasier: Ah, yes, sound effects! The therapist's best friend! You realize what you're doing is completely unprofessional? Denise called my show, she didn't ask for your opinion!
Nora: And I didn't ask for yours. [disconnects] Back to you, Chopper Dave.
Frasier: She cut me off! [storms into the booth] All right, let's just settle this. We don't like each other. But we're going to have to coexist here. So why don't we agree that I won't criticize you, and you won't criticize me. Do we have a deal?
Nora: No.
Frasier: No?!
Nora: No, I will undermine you every chance I get, because you, Dr. Crane, are a dangerous man!
Frasier: I'm dangerous?!
Nora: Yes. Seattle's Great Enabler. You tell tramps and fornicators that their problem is low self-esteem. They should have low self-esteem, they're going to hell!
Frasier: I take it back! You're not unprofessional - you're a freaking loon!
George: Five seconds.
Frasier goes back into George's booth and grabs his briefcase.
Frasier: All right, if it's war you two want, it's war you'll get! Right, Roz?!
Frasier storms out of the booth.
Roz: You don't actually buy all this "no s*x" stuff of hers, do you?
George: Yeah.
Roz: Well, it's WAR!
Roz storms out of the booth.
[SCENE_BREAK]
"M" IS FOR THE MANY WAYS
I'D MAIM HER
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Six - Apartment The doorbell rings. Martin opens the door to Niles.
Martin: Oh hi, Niles.
Niles: Hey, Dad. You probably noticed I shaved my mustache.
As Niles comes in, Martin stands puzzled for a moment.
Niles: I decided a better way to change my look was to pump some iron.
Martin: Ah. So what, you joined a gym?
Niles: I certainly did. I start the minute my weight belt gets back from the monogrammer's.
Frasier comes out of the hall.
Niles: Oh, Frasier, you free for dinner?
Frasier: Well, I suppose so, yes.
Daphne comes in the door with a basket of laundry, followed by Roz with some files.
Daphne: Hey, look who I bumped into in the elevator.
Frasier: Roz!
Roz: I've been on the phone all day, digging up dirt on Dr. Nora, and you will not believe what I found!
Frasier: Really?
Roz: I called the station where she used to work, and they couldn't wait to dish her! [opens the file] For starters, she has no medical degree.
Frasier: What?
Roz: Her doctorate is in Physical Education!
Frasier: [ecstatic] She's a GYM TEACHER!
Niles: Wouldn't want to be the chubby kid in that gym class.
Martin: Or the boy in the monogrammed weight belt.
Frasier: Well, this is just dynamite, Roz!
Roz: Oh, that's not even half of it. Her name isn't Fairchild, she was born Mulhern, and Little Miss Family Values has two divorces behind her, and an affair with a married man!
Frasier: Tomorrow, I am going to drop this little bombshell to start my show, and end hers!
Martin: You know, Fras, when I was on the force, I went through a feud like this with Charlie Drucker, and believe me it's not worth it. I started out by making a joke about his chest.
Daphne: His chest?
Martin: Yeah, he was like a heavyset guy, and he had those, you know, "man-bosoms." So, he heard about it, and he got mad at me, and he wrote something about me on the men's room wall, and I should have just called it quits right there and then. But his name being "Drucker" brought out the poet in me. Then it just got worse and worse, and we both ended up looking like idiots.
Frasier: Well, Dad, I don't intend to get into a feud with her. I just want to get her off the air.
Niles: Yeah, but if you attack her like that, aren't you just descending to her level?
Frasier: You know, Roz, maybe they're right. I mean, look at what this woman has reduced me to already. Trading barbs, yelling over the air. Now I'm spreading rumors about her? Is that anyway for a psychiatrist to deal with conflict?
Roz: Don't you wimp out on me!
Frasier: Now, Roz, just think about it. There may be a better way. You know, Dr. Nora is clearly a damaged and angry woman. Maybe I could find out what's at the root of that anger, and help her, also proving that my method of therapy is the more valid one.
Roz: Why are you doing this to me?! Look, if you have a tumor-
Frasier: Roz, stop it!
Niles: You know, if you want to analyze her, you might start with that whole mother thing. I caught her show yesterday, and that certainly seemed to be a hot-button issue.
Frasier: Yes, it did, didn't it? They've been estranged for years. You know, perhaps we could find the woman and discover what caused this rift between them.
Niles: Maybe even effect a reconciliation.
Frasier: Of course, it won't be easy. We don't even know if the woman's still alive.
Daphne is folding the laundry.
Daphne: Yes, all sorts of things could happen to a woman her age. Her mother could have had a heart attack, or a stroke.
Frasier: Exactly.
Daphne: [continuing merrily] She could be hit by a bus as she's coming out of the pub. Or fall asleep smoking a cigarette and be burned to a crisp right there in her smelly bed! Or she could fall off a ferry and be pulled down under the water, the roar of the waves drowning out her cries for help, until no one could hear that shrill voice of hers, not ever again! [finishes folding the laundry] Well, I'm all done with my darks.
She leaves the room, oblivious to the others' stares.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Seven - KACL Nora is roasting her latest caller.
Nora: Listen to me! You should be shunning this woman, not rewarding her with gifts! [disconnects] A baby shower for an unwed mother? Now I've heard it all. Who's next?
In the hall, Roz is watching. Frasier comes up.
Frasier: Roz, did her mother get here all right?
Roz: Yes, but I'm begging you! We could drive a stake through that thing's heart right now!
Frasier pushes her down the hallway.
Frasier: Roz, Roz, please trust me, my way is better. Get in here. They come into a waiting room, where an elderly woman is seated.
[N.B. Piper Laurie played a guest caller in [1.13], "Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast."]
Frasier: Ah, Mrs. Mulhern. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, it's such a pleasure to meet you.
Mulhern: Oh, Dr. Crane, I can't thank you enough for finding me and bringing me here.
Frasier: Well, I was so moved by your story. It's a joy to do this for you.
Mulhern: For twenty years I wondered where my little girl was, and if I'd ever see her again.
Roz: What did you two fight about to begin with?
Mulhern: Oh, I blame myself. I thought the man she wanted to marry wasn't good enough for her, so she eloped. And I've been so afraid the emphysema would finish me before I could ask her forgiveness and tell her I love her.
Frasier: [nearly in tears] Well, tell her you shall. Roz?
Frasier goes into the producer's booth and picks up the phone:
Nora: Forget couples' therapy, Allison. He is a loser! If you don't drop him right now, you deserve every bit of misery you get! God bless, honey. Who's next?
George: We have Frasier Crane on line one.
Nora: Frasier, you want to yell at me for that last call?
Frasier: No, although I do believe that a gifted therapist can help two people put aside their anger and heal the differences between them.
Nora: Blah, blah, blah.
Frasier: I have someone here with me today, someone you haven't seen for quite a while. There's something she'd like to tell you, something she's wanted to tell you for a very, very long time.
Roz shows Mrs. Mulhern in. Frasier lowers the receiver so Nora doesn't hear him say:
Frasier: Mrs. Mulhern? Mrs. Mulhern goes into the radio booth and stands behind Nora.
Mulhern: You little whore! Four sets of jaws drop - Frasier's, Roz's, George's, and Nora's.
Nora: MOTHER!
Mulhern: So, you thought you could get away from me, did you? Thought you could leave me to rot in that dump without barely enough cash for a bottle of Mateus! You'll pay for that, missy!
Roz: [jumping for joy] I was wrong, Frasier! Your way IS better!
Frasier tries to enter the booth.
Frasier: Mrs. Mulhern-
Mulhern: [shoves him out and locks the door] Keep out of this!
Nora: M-Mother, please! I am doing my show!
Mulhern: Yes, you're Little Miss Perfect now, aren't you? Telling everybody else how wicked they are! They should hear about your past!
Frasier tries to enter through the other door.
Frasier: Mrs. Mulhern, please! She shoves him out and locks the other door.
Mulhern: The shame you brought on me, you ungrateful tramp!
Nora: [crying] Mother, please, I'm a good girl now.
Mulhern: How you were paid - paid! - to leave town, by that nice boy's family.
Frasier: For God's sake, Nora, go to commercial!
Nora: There, Seattle, now you know what I mean when I say there are some people you just don't need in your life! [goes to commercial] Help me out, George!
She throws off her headphones and rushes into the producer's booth.
Mulhern: What are they paying you here? I want my cut! George closes the door and fights to hold it shut.
Nora: I knew that you hated me, but I just can't believe you could be so cruel!
Frasier: I was trying to help! She seemed delightful on the phone!
Mulhern: [knocking on the glass] I want fifty dollars right now!
Nora: HOW MANY TIMES WILL I HAVE TO MOVE BEFORE I'M FINALLY FREE
OF HER?!
She runs out into the hallway. Mrs. Mulhern goes out the other door to head her off.
Frasier: [yelling after her] Nora, I'm sorry!
Mulhern: [yelling after her] You owe me, missy! I gave you life!
Nora screams like a madwoman. George runs out after them.
Roz: Frasier, we've got dead air!
Frasier goes into the radio booth. Roz shuts the doors and grabs some carts.
Frasier: [hits "On Air"] Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. I'm sure Dr. Nora's listeners join me in hoping she and her mother can resolve these differences very soon. They're off to a bit of a bumpy start-
Nora screams again as the chase takes them by the booth.
Frasier: But... at least the lines of communication are open!
Another scream comes, louder and clearly audible over the air. Frasier can only gape at Roz.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Daphne is tenderizing a steak with a mallet and talking on the phone with her mother. She tries to protest, but can't get a word in edgewise, so she just listens, nodding.
As soon as she hangs up, she goes radge on the steak, pounding the stuffing out of it. Guest Appearances Special Guest Stars CHRISTINE BARANSKI as Dr. Nora PIPER LAURIE as Mrs. Mulhern
Guest Starring TOM McGOWAN as Kenny DOUGLAS OWEN McDONALD as George
Guest Callers GILLIAN ANDERSON as Jenny YO-YO MA as Tom BONNIE RAITT as Denise PIA ZADORA as Jill Synopsis {kathy churay}
ACT ONE
Scene One - Cafe Nervosa
Frasier is seated at a table and a man is just leaving as Niles comes over to Frasier's table with his coffee. Niles is amazed to notice that the man is Dr. Gordon Edelstein, whom Niles admires for his authorship of a book about obsessive-compulsive disorders. Frasier tells Niles that he is interviewing therapists for an available radio slot at KACL -- the station is hiring another call-in psychiatrist for a one-week trial period, and Frasier has been asked to choose among the finalists. Niles sits down, but Frasier warns him he has another interviewee coming in a few minutes. Niles marvels at Frasier's positive attitude about something that could be perceived as a threat to his position, but Frasier is flattered that the station wants even more of what he has to offer.
Niles asks Frasier for his opinion on his "raffish new look." He says he is taking Frasier's advice to accept Daphne's relationship with Donny and find himself a girlfriend, so he has taken the first step. Frasier pretends at first but finally admits he can't identify what's different about Niles, till Niles informs him that he is growing a (quite invisible) mustache.
Dr. Nora Fairchild comes into the cafe and introduces herself to Frasier, bowling him over with compliment after compliment. He introduces her to Niles, whom she says must be very proud of his "kid brother," the radio star. Niles, ever sure of Frasier's vanity, congratulates Dr. Nora on her new job at KACL as he takes his leave.
Scene Two - The Radio Studio
Dr. Nora reports for her first day at KACL, escorted by Kenny the station manager and her good-looking producer, George. Frasier gives her a warm welcome and Roz is quite taken with George. She pulls him by the hand into her control booth, offering to "give him the lay of the land." Frasier wishes Nora luck and exits to the hall, where he meets Roz. They watch Dr. Nora setting up for her show and Frasier is rhapsodizing about how thrilling it is to have a protege. Roz is predictably nauseated by Frasier's ego.
Dr. Nora is polished and professional as she listens to her first caller, Jenny, who is having trouble with her live-in boyfriend. Frasier and Roz drift off down the hall as Frasier realizes Nora has the situation well in hand. They come running back, however, as Nora
neatly summarizes Jenny's trouble: Jenny is a whore because she has s*x with her boyfriend without being married. Frasier and Roz watch and listen in astonishment from outside the booth as Nora advises Jenny to staple her knees together until she and her boyfriend are married. An amazed crowd of station workers begins to gather outside the booth as Roz dryly notes to Frasier that Dr. Nora seems to have gotten over her nervousness quite nicely.
Scene Three - Frasier's Kitchen
Daphne is drying dishes as Niles tries to get her to notice his mustache. Daphne thinks he's fishing for compliments about his suit, then tries to wipe away what she thinks is food on his upper lip. He informs her it's a mustache, and she says it reminds her of her Grammy Moon -- or will, once it's grown in.
Frasier arrives home and demands that Daphne turn on KACL i immediately. She does, and Dr. Nora is abusing a woman who wants a divorce from her husband because he's gay. Frasier turns the radio off in disgust. Niles remarks on Nora's harshness, but Martin feels her old-fashioned view of morality is refreshing. Daphne and Martin had been listening to Dr. Nora while doing his exercises. Daphne agrees with Martin -- Nora reminds Daphne of her mother, and Daphne goes off to call Mum.
Frasier is still complaining about Dr. Nora. He plans to have a word with her at the station the next day -- tell her to soften her approach before she alienates her audience. After all, he says, people know the difference between constructive criticism and outright abuse. And Daphne comes walking through with the portable phone on her way to the kitchen, laughing gaily at her mother, who wants to know whether Daphne's boyfriend hasn't found someone prettier and smarter yet.
ACT TWO
Scene One - The Radio Studio
Frasier is wrapping up his show as Dr. Nora arrives. He greets her frostily and is about to deliver some diplomatic criticism when Roz weighs in with the blunt, name-calling approach, defending the honor of a single mother who called the day before only to be abused by Dr. Nora. Dr. Nora retorts that she would expect Roz to defend the woman, the way Roz pounced on Nora's producer the day before. Frasier has to physically restrain Roz, who wants to fight Nora and offers to "take it out on the street." When Nora tells Roz the street is Roz's home territory, it's all Frasier can do to keep Roz from killing her. He pushes Roz out of the booth and turns on Nora.
He begins taking Nora to task for her unhelpful, moralistic criticisms of her callers, but Nora will have none of it. She defies Frasier to admit that he hired her because he hoped to sleep with her. He hotly denies it and tells her that she is at KACL on his recommendation, which he is now withdrawing. Just then Kenny enters with the news that Dr. Nora's show is a hit. Some people love her and some her, but everyone seems to be listening. Frasier follows Kenny out to the hall to plead his case, but as Kenny says, "Ratings are ratings." Meanwhile Nora's caller Tom is asking what he can do about a co-worker who's driving him crazy. Smirking at Frasier through the glass, Nora replies, "Not one damn thing."
Scene Two - The Radio Studio - The Next Day
Frasier and Roz listen sympathetically his caller Denise recounts her troubles with her verbally abusive mother, as Dr. Nora watches through the window. Frasier advises Denise to seek counseling, telling her to stay on the line so that Roz can give her the numbers of some therapists. Frasier ends the show and goes in to talk with Roz as Dr. Nora sits down at her console. Abruptly, Nora gets Denise back on the line [and on the air], telling her to ignore everything Frasier has told her. Nora tells Denise wrenchingly that in her personal experience the only thing to do with an abusive mother is to cut her out of your life like a tumor. And she disconnects Denise.
George connects Nora's next caller -- who is Frasier, calling from the control booth. He takes her to task on the air for her unprofessional behavior, but Nora disconnects him and goes back to Chopper Dave for the traffic report. Frasier hangs up and storms into the booth to have it out with Nora. He tells her tersely that they must agree not to criticize one another on the air, but Nora won't agree. She won't "enable" callers who are behaving immorally because they don't need better self-esteem. Their problem is that they are going to Hell for their behavior! Frasier storms out, vowing to make war on Dr. Nora. Roz hangs back trying to sweet-talk George, but when he tells her he believes in Dr. Nora's no-sex stance, Roz agrees -- it's war!
Scene Three - Frasier's Living Room
Niles arrives, declaring to Martin that he has shaved his mustache and has decided to change his look by pumping iron. Martin is approving, if puzzled by the reported disappearance of a mustache he'd never noticed in the first place. Daphne comes in from the laundry room followed by Roz, whom she's met in the hall. Roz can't wait to tell Frasier about the dirt she dug up on Dr. Nora from her former colleagues at another station. Apparently Dr. Nora's degree is in physical education, not psychology, and she's had two divorces and an affair with a married man. Frasier is elated.
Martin tells a story about a feud he had with another officer on the force, and cautions him against ending up looking like an idiot. Frasier realizes he is right and as a psychiatrist he should have a better method of resolving conflict. Roz is infuriated at Frasier for wimping out on her, but Niles encourages Frasier to begin by analyzing Dr. Nora's obviously troubled relationship with her estranged mother. They speculate on whether Nora's mother is still alive, prompting Daphne to begin fantasizing happily and at length about the many awful ways a woman of that age could have died. Frasier and Niles are fascinated at what's she's revealing about herself as Daphne finishes folding the laundry and goes merrily off to her room.
Scene Four - The Radio Station - The Next Day
Dr. Nora is at it again, marveling to her audience about the unsuitably of giving a baby shower for an unwed mother. Meanwhile, Roz is frothing at the mouth in the hallway as Frasier arrives, asking whether Nora's mother is has made it to the studio. They go out to the lobby to greet Nora's mother, Mrs. Mulherne [Piper Laurie], who tells them that the reason she and Nora were estranged was her disapproval of the man Nora wanted to marry. Frasier is touched and vows she will have the chance to tell Nora how much she loves her.
Frasier returns to the control room and dials Dr. Nora again, forcing George to put him on the air. Nora asks cynically whether Frasier wants to yell at her, but Frasier tells her that there is someone who's wanted to say something to Nora for a very long time. Mrs. Mulherne enters the studio and delivers her message to Nora -- "You little whore!" And she's off on a diatribe about Nora's cheapness in refusing to give her enough cash for even a cheap bottle of wine.
Frasier is aghast as Mrs. Mulherne locks everyone else out of the studio and Roz is overcome with joy as Dr. Nora is reduced to tears by her mother's abuse and demands for money from Nora. Nora escapes to the control booth and locks her mother into the studio. She turns on Frasier and tells him she can't believe his cruelty. Frasier is guilt-stricken -- "She seemed delightful on the phone!" Nora flees screaming into the hallway, pursued by a ranting Mrs. Mulherne, as Frasier frantically takes over the mike for the remainder of Nora's show.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In Frasier's kitchen Daphne is on the phone with her mother while pounding a steak with a mallet to tenderize it. She gets more and more impatient with her mother, and after hanging up, attacks the steak violently with the mallet. | Plan: A: Café Nervosa; Q: Where is Frasier interviewing candidates for a new radio psychiatrist? A: Dr. Gordon Edelstein; Q: Who did Frasier think was the unbeatable contender for the new radio psychiatrist position? A: his work; Q: What does Niles know about Dr. Edelstein? A: the older brother; Q: What does Nora Fairchild think Niles is? A: a protégé; Q: What does Frasier feel proud to have? A: old-fashioned values; Q: What does Nora Fairchild advocate? A: so much constructive criticism; Q: What does Nora's approach to therapy not seem to be? A: outright abuse; Q: What is Nora's approach to therapy? A: a factor; Q: What does the fact that Frasier retracted his recommendation turn out to be no longer? A: so much attention; Q: Why does Kenny want to keep Dr. Nora on? A: Kenny; Q: Who wants to keep Dr. Nora on the air? A: Frasier's advice; Q: What does Nora criticize on air? A: every opportunity; Q: How often does Nora threaten to embarrass Frasier? A: Roz; Q: Who is able to find proof that Nora is a hypocrite? A: war; Q: What do Frasier and Roz declare when Nora Fairchild criticizes him? A: a medical degree; Q: What does Nora Fairchild not have? A: a gym teacher; Q: What is Nora's profession? A: second thoughts; Q: What does Frasier have about stooping to Nora's level? A: Nora's abusive approach; Q: What did Nora's mother reveal to be a problem with? A: a terrible idea; Q: What did Niles' plan to find Nora's mother turn out to be? A: bloody murder; Q: What does Nora Fairchild cry out of KACL? A: her monstrous mother; Q: Who chases Nora out of KACL? A: dozens; Q: How many times does Nora's mother abuse her? Summary: Frasier is in Café Nervosa interviewing candidates for a new radio psychiatrist at KACL, whose show will run alongside his own. He thinks he has found an unbeatable contender (Dr. Gordon Edelstein), and Niles, who knows his work, expects him to be right. In the end, however, he recommends Dr. Nora Fairchild, who spends most of her interview paying him compliments, even pretending to think Niles is the older brother. Frasier feels proud to have a protégé, until he actually hears her in action. She turns out to be an advocate of old-fashioned values, condemning pre-marital sex, divorce, single parenthood and the like, and her approach to therapy is not so much constructive criticism as outright abuse. Frasier is embarrassed and angry and withdraws his recommendation, however it turns out that this is no longer a factor; Dr. Nora attracts so much attention (positive and negative) that Kenny wants to keep her on and decides to make her a permanent fixture. When she openly criticises Frasier's advice to one particular caller on air and makes clear her intention to undermine and embarrass him at every opportunity, he and Roz decide on a declaration of war. Roz is able to find proof that Nora is a hypocrite and doesn't even have a medical degree of any kind- she is a gym teacher instead, but Frasier has second thoughts about stooping to Nora's level. Fortunately, Niles has been listening to this caller and the way Dr. Nora dealt with her, and he has a more subtle way of approaching the problem: find her mother and use her to find the problems with Nora's abusive approach. That turned out to be a terrible idea as she reveals herself to be much, much worse than Nora, abusing her on the air and causing Nora to scream and cry bloody murder out of KACL with her monstrous mother in pursuit, with it heavily implied to have happened dozens of times before. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Peter: The full moon is tomorrow night.
Derek: It's a lunar eclipse. We'll all be powerless.
Allison: What are you doing?
Chris: I'm sorry.
Jennifer: This is a sacrifice.
Stiles: Jennifer - she's got all three now. Find the nemeton.
Deaton: You, Allison, and Stiles need to be sacrifices. It'll be a darkness around your heart.
[ominous music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[all gasping]
[faint, deep humming]
Derek: What does it mean?
Scott: I don't know.
Scott: Uh... It's just something I traced with my fingers.
[humming continues]
[hum intensifies]
[groaning]
[phone clicks]
[dogs yipping in distance]
[tense music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[yells]
[grunting]
[low growling]
[roars]
[screams]
[panting]
Scott: Are we seriously doing this?
Stiles: You're the one always bitching that nothing ever happens in this town. I was trying to get a good night's sleep before practice tomorrow.
Scott: Stiles, wait up! Stiles!
[dog barking]
Scott: aah!
Sheriff: Hang on, hang on. This little delinquent belongs to me.
Stiles: Dad, how are you doing? Well, young man, I'm going to walk you back to your car.
[triumphant music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ms Argent: Your father is a highly respected private security consultant and a federally licensed firearms dealer It's not exactly a 9:00-to-5:00 office job.
Allison: I--
Ms Argent: The hours are always going to be like that.
Allison: I get it. It's just - it's kind of weird when he takes off in the middle of the night, Rushing out with duffel bags full of automatic weapons.
[gasps]
Allison: mom, look out!
[horn blares, tires screech]
Oh!
Allison: You almost killed him!
Ms Argent: He ran out into the middle of the road.
Allison: Okay, well, we have to go back.
Ms Argent: Go back?
Allison: What if he's hurt? Mom, turn around. Mom!
[groans]
Ms Argent: Allison. Allison!
[triumphant music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ms Argent: Allison!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ms Argent: All right, that's enough. Back in the car.
[distant howl]
[dramatic rock music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[exciting music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[dramatic music]
[all gasping, coughing]
Scott: I saw it. I know where it is.
Stiles: We passed it. There's-- There's a stump, this huge tree. Well, it's not huge anymore. It was cut down. But it's still big, though, very big.
Scott: It was the night we were looking for the body.
Stiles: Yeah, the same night you were bit by peter.
Allison: I was there too, in the car with my mother. We almost hit someone.
Scott: It was me. You almost hit me.
[gasps]
Scott: we can find it.
Allison: What?
Isaac: You guys were out a long time.
Stiles: How long is a long time?
Deaton: 16 hours.
Scott: We've been in the water for 16 hours?
Deaton: And the full moon rises in less than four.
[gasps softly]
Derek: You're okay.
Cora: I'm doing much better than you are right now, And all because of you.
Peter: Hopefully not all for nothing. The moon is rising, Derek. You drained your battery all the way to the red, And there is a fully charged alpha on her way to rip you limb from limb.
Derek: I'll be fine in a few hours.
Peter: I sincerely hope so, because a few hours is all that you have.
Stiles: No, dude, you are not going back with them.
Scott: I made a deal with Deucalion.
Stiles: Does anyone else think that sounds a lot like a deal with the devil?
Isaac: Why does it matter, anyway?
Scott: Because I still don't think that we can beat Jennifer without their help.
Allison: He trusts you more than anyone. Tell him he's wrong.
Deaton: I'm not so sure he is. Circumstances like this sometimes require that you align yourself with people you'd normally consider enemies.
Isaac: So we're gonna trust him, the guy that calls himself death, destroyer of worlds? We're gonna trust that guy?
Scott: I wouldn't trust him, no, But you could use him to your advantage. Deucalion may be the enemy, but he could also be the bait.
[door creaks]
[clatter]
Ethan: I'm looking for lydia.
Lydia: What do you want?
Ethan: I need your help.
Lydia: With what?
Ethan/b]: Stopping my brother and kali... from killing Derek.
[b]Melissa: Still working?
Chris: Yeah, but not for much longer.
Melissa: Anyone else feeling an unbearable itch they can't scratch?
Sheriff: Well, not before you said something, but now, yes, I do.
Melissa: Is she actually gonna come down here and slash all of our throats?
Sheriff: Nah. She'll come down and strangle us with a garrote and then slash our throats.
[clattering]
Chris: Just the wind.
[wind whooshing]
[tense music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ethan: We know about the lunar eclipse, So don't think kali's gonna sit around waiting for it to level the playing field. She's coming, and my brother's coming with her.
Peter: Good enough for me. Derek?
Derek: You want me to run?
Peter: No. I want you to stay and get slaughtered by an alpha with a psychotic foot fetish. Of course I want you to run. Sprint, gallop, leap your way the hell out of this town.
Cora: If you want to fight and die for something, that's fine with me, but do it for something meaningful.
Derek: How do you know I'm gonna lose?
Peter: We don't, but I'll bet she has an idea. Don't you, lydia?
Lydia: I don't know anything.
Peter: But you feel something, don't you?
Derek: What do you feel?
Lydia: I feel like... I'm standing in a graveyard.
[elevator dings]
Scott: Just grab anything? Stiles, I'm not smelling your dad's boxers. Socks? Okay, I'll smell the socks.
Isaac: What about me?
Allison: See what you can find in my dad's closet. Anything with the strongest scent.
Agent Mccall: Quite an arsenal your father's got here, young lady. Scott.
Scott: What are you doing here?
Agent Mccall: Following one of the only leads I have. Now, since I don't know where you've been, Why don't you have a seat, and we can talk? You too, Isaac.
Issac: How do you know my name?
Agent Mccall: Your name's one of the few things I know. To be honest, the rest of what's going on around here has me stumbling in the dark, even over the smallest clue.
Scott: If you're trying to tell me that you don't have a clue, I learned that a long time ago.
Agent Mccall: I'm really hoping to avoid the embarrassment of dragging my own son into an interrogation room. Really hoping.
[alarm blaring]
[metal crashes, alarm stops]
Kali: Where is he?
[snaps fingers]
Lydia: I think he said he was heading out to do some shopping, run a few errands, The usual...[clears throat] werewolf afternoon.
Kali: Who do you think you're talking to?
Lydia: Someone in desperate need of a pedicure. I'd be happy to give you a referral.
[growls]
Kali: Oh, really?
[growling]
Peter: Don't call until you're at least 100 miles away. Go!
Agent Mccall: I'm not gonna lie. I'm more than a little disturbed, Not only by the number of missing parents, But the fact that it's Stiles's father, your father, and your mother.
[case clicks]
Isaac: Mine are both dead.
Agent Mccall: Save the cliched teenage apathy for your high school teachers. The three of you know more than you're saying, And I'm fully willing to keep you here all night if I have to.
[dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kali: Did someone take their little assignment too seriously?
[sighs]
Aiden: She is not the problem.
Kali: Maybe the problem is where your loyalties lie.
Lydia: Oh, god. Is this about to get really violent?
Ethan: Probably.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[objects falling]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jennifer: So who wants to go first?
[grunting]
[exciting music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[growls]
[roars]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[growling]
[roars]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[bones cracking]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[yells]
[gasps]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[dramatic music]
Jennifer: That's right, kali. Look at me. Look at my face. Do you know what it takes to be able to look like this, To be able to look normal?
Kali: I don't care.
Jennifer: It takes power. Power like this.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[glass clinking]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kali: I-- I should've-- I should've ripped your head off!
[screams]
[breathing heavily]
[growls]
[roars]
[crack]
[gasping]
Jennifer: What's the line coach likes to say? The bigger they are...
[thunder]
[ominous music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[exhales]
[thunder]
Scott: You can't keep us here.
Allison: Not without some kind of warrant.
Agent Mccall: I've got a desk full of probable cause.
Allison: My father is a highly respected private security consultant and federally licensed firearms dealer. That means he has to own a few weapons. Like this 175-pound draw tactical crossbow or this carbon steel marine combat knife, .50ae desert eagle. Hmm. Smoke grenade with pull ring igniter.
Isaac: Go!
[all coughing]
Agent Mccall: wait! Scott, wait!
[dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[sighs]
Stiles: come on. Whoa, sh-- Oh. Whoa!
[tires screech]
[wind whistling]
[breathing shakily]
Lydia: What do you want from me?
Jennifer: I want you to do what you do best, Lydia. I want you to scream.
[roars]
[screaming]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[distant scream]
Cora: What the hell was that?
Derek: Lydia. We have to go back.
[motorcycle engine running]
Allison: Are you okay?
Scott: I didn't know what to say to him. I couldn't come up with anything, But what you did, that was awesome.
Isaac: I still haven't gotten anything from Stiles--you?
Scott: I don't get it.
Isaac: All right. Well, we can't wait for him. Come on.
Deucalion: Cutting it a little close, aren't we, Scott?
Scott: We got a little delayed. Where are the others?
Deucalion: Occupying themselves with other pursuits.
Scott: So it's just you and me against her?
Deucalion: I think you'll be surprised what a good team we make.
Scott: Okay, get Stiles, And then get to the root cellar, okay? We'll keep Jennifer away long enough for you to get them out of there.
Isaac: How are you gonna do that?
Scott: I have a plan.
Derek: You did this for me?
Jennifer: For us. For anyone who's ever been their victim.
Derek: Stop talking to me like a politician. Stop trying to convince me of your cause!
Jennifer: Fine, I'll convince you of someone else's. Scott. You can save his mother, Stiles's father.
Derek: How?
Jennifer: I need a guardian, And that's a role that can either be filled by the three parents I was forced to take or by you.
Derek: I can't help you. I'm not even an alpha anymore.
Jennifer: All I need is for you to help me get Deucalion in the right place at the right time.
Derek: You just killed three of them on your own. What do you need me for?
Jennifer: You haven't seen him at his strongest. I have. And If he's got Scott with him, I don't stand a chance unless I have you.
Cora: Derek, don't trust her.
Jennifer: I have the eclipse in my favor, But the moon's only gonna be in the earth's umbral shadow for 15 minutes. That's the extent of my window. There's no decision to struggle with. Help me kill him, and the others live. Just help me.
Isaac: Are you sure we're going the right direction?
Allison: I know we're near it. You think you can pick up a scent?
Isaaac: I'm trying, but I c-- I hear something. It's an--it's an emitter. It's one of your dad's.
Allison: Are you sure?
Isaac: Has to be. Come on.
[dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Isaac: Allison.
[dramatic music]
Allison: Oh, my god. Thank god!
Chris: You found us.
Sheriff: Where's Stiles? Where's my son?
Melissa: And Scott?
Isaac: They're coming, all right? They're on their way to help.
Melissa: Okay.
[rumbling]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cora: We have to get going. Lydia, we can get help.
Lydia: From who?
Cora: I don't know, but we can't stay here.
[soft cracking]
Cora: They're alive.
[wind whistling]
Deucalion: You said you had a plan.
Scott: On the first day of class, Jennifer sent all of us a message. It was the last line from joseph Conrad's heart of darkness. I got a message of my own to send her.
[phone chimes]
[phone beeping]
Scott: You see this symbol? It's a symbol of revenge. You talk about balance, about saving people. We know what you really want, And now you know where to find us.
[thunder]
Isaac: Hurry! Watch out!
[screams]
Chris: Come on, let's get out of here.
[screams]
[dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Deaton: Cora, grab that table. Grab his hand. Here you go. Take his hand.
Cora: Can you save them?
Deaton: Only if they start healing on their own.
Scott: What are you doing?
Derek: This might be hard to believe, But I'm actually trying to help you.
Deucalion: Ooh, like brother against brother. How very American this is. Are you ready, Jennifer? Hmm? Did you gather your herbs, Pray to your ancient gods and your oak trees, Slit a baby's throat, perhaps? Should we show them why you needed to sacrifice nine innocent people Just to face me? Or is it 12 now?
[tense music]
[growls]
Isaac: It's blocked. What do you see? Anything?
[cracking]
Chris: Look out!
[gasps]
Allison: Isaac!
Sheriff: Melissa, go, go, go.
[crack]
[creaking]
[grunts]
[roars]
[dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[grunting]
[chuckles]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[roars]
[both choking]
[chuckles]
[grunts]
[panting]
[grunts]
Deucalion: Kill her. Do it.
[roars]
Deucalion: Now kill her. Your parents are dying. That storm you hear, she's burying them alive. It's her connection to the telluric currents. Kill her, and it ends.
Jennifer: It won't end. Not with me. He'll have you kill everyone you love. It's what he does.
Deucalion: They're dying, Scott. Your mother and the parents of your best friends. Kill her now, and it's over. Become the alpha you're meant to be. Become a killer.
Scott: They're not dead yet.
Deucalion: And who's going to save them, your friends?
Scott: My pack.
Isaac: Is it me, or is this place getting smaller?
[grunts]
[snarls]
Deucalion: Maybe you just need a little guidance.
[straining]
Scott: I forgot to tell you something. Something that gerard told me. "Deucalion... isn't always blind."
[groans]
[grunting frantically]
Deucalion: The eclipse. It started.
Scott: Oh, no.
[rumbling]
Isaac: I can't do it. I can't hold it. I can't hold it. It's too much.
Allison: It's too heavy.
[loud creaking]
[groaning]
[triumphant music]
Sheriff: I always said aluminum was better than wood.
[creaking]
[dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[thunder]
[screams, grunts]
[both grunting]
Derek: Jennifer!
[grunts]
Derek: He doesn't know.
Jennifer: Know what?
Derek: What you really look like. He knows the cost of bringing kali into his pack, But he's never seen the price you paid.
[mournful vocal music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jennifer: No. No, he hasn't.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[screaming]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jennifer: Turn to me. Turn to me!
[hyperventilating]
[groans]
Jennifer: What is this?
Derek: Healing him made you weak, just like healing Cora did to me. You won't have your strength for at least a few minutes.
Jennifer: Then you do it. Kill him.
Derek: No.
Jennifer: What?
Derek: Like my mother used to say, I'm a predator. I don't have to be a killer.
[whimpers]
Derek: Let them go.
[grunting]
Jennifer: Derek.
[dramatic choral music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[both grunting]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Derek: Your 15 minutes are up.
[grunts]
Jennifer: Like I told you, Derek, either you or the parents. Well, I guess I'll just have to take them now. In a few minutes, they'll be dead, and I won't need a lunar eclipse, even to kill a demon wolf.
[dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jennifer: You've tried this before, Scott. I don't remember you having much success.
[grunts]
[triumphant music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[breathing shakily]
Jennifer: How did you do that?
Scott: I'm an alpha now. Whatever you're doing to cause this storm, make it stop, or I'll kill you myself. I don't care what it does to the color of my eyes.
Deucalion: It won't change the color of mine, so allow me.
[gasping]
Allison: Is it over?
[laughs]
Aiden: I knew.
Lydia: What?
Aiden: I knew you liked me.
[phone vibrating]
[phone beeps]
Stiles: Scott?
Scott: Hey, are you okay?
Stiles: Yeah, we're okay. We're all okay. How about you, you okay?
Scott: Sort of.
Stiles: You think you can come get us?
Scott: Yeah, of course.
Stiles: Great, okay. Um, uh, bring a ladder.
[all laugh]
Derek: My mother told me you were a man of vision once.
Scott: We're letting you go because we hope you can be that man again. But if you're not, then having your eyesight back won't matter, Because you'll never see us coming.
[gun clicking]
Allison: Back to storage?
Chris: That's the plan.
Allison: What if I've got a different plan? Deaton said that what we did in order to find you-- He said that it might draw things here, Make beacon hills kind of a beacon again.
Chris: I hope not.
Allison: I was thinking that maybe I should be prepared. Learn to be a better fighter and learn all the things that you can still teach me. And maybe a few things more. But we're going to have a new code. [speaking french] We protect those who cannot protect themselves.
Scott: I honestly don't know if he's ever coming back, And part of me hopes so, But another part hopes that maybe he'll be okay somewhere else.
[mellow pop music]
Scott: My dad doesn't look like he's gonna be leaving for a while.
[knocking at door]
Scott: But just because he's staying...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[door closes]
Scott: Doesn't mean he's welcome.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scott: Stiles and I both feel it every day, just like you said we would, And it makes me think about that quote Jennifer used to start our first class, Because when I feel it, Yeah, it's like... I'm looking "into the heart of an immense darkness."
Deaton: So what do you do instead?
Scott: I look for my friends.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Deaton: But what about miss blake?
Scott: I don't know. When we went back inside the distillery, Her body was gone.
[eerie music]
[gasping]
Jennifer: Oh, please, please. You saved me once before.
[gasping]
[laughs]
Jennifer: Of course it's you. Everyone else suffers, But somehow, you come out on top, And now that Scott's an alpha, You'll be able to steal it from him. You'll be an alpha again.
Peter: Again? Again?
[gasping, grunts]
Peter: I...Am... The alpha! I've always been the alpha! | Plan: A: Scott; Q: Who defeats Jennifer and becomes a True Alpha? A: Stiles; Q: Who is the third werewolf to awaken? A: the Nemeton; Q: Where do Allison, Isaac, and Stiles find the three parents? A: Jennifer kills; Q: Who kills Kali? A: Jennifer; Q: Who gives Deucalion his sight back? A: Kali; Q: Who does Jennifer kill? A: the twins; Q: Who does Jennifer wound? A: the three parents; Q: Who do Allison, Isaac, and Stiles rescue? A: all the werewolves; Q: Who becomes powerless during the lunar eclipse? A: Deucalion; Q: Who slashes Jennifer's throat? A: Derek; Q: Who stops Deucalion from killing him? A: the werewolves' power returns; Q: What happens when the eclipse ends? A: Deucalion's attack; Q: What event did Jennifer survive? A: the Alpha; Q: What does Peter claim he has always been? Summary: Scott, Allison, and Stiles awaken and discover where the Nemeton is located. Jennifer kills Kali and badly wounds the twins. Allison, Isaac, and Stiles locate the Nemeton and rescue the three parents. The lunar eclipse begins, and all the werewolves become powerless. Jennifer gives Deucalion his sight back so he can see her true form and then tries to kill him, but is stopped by Derek. Jennifer attacks Derek, but the eclipse ends and the werewolves' power returns. Scott defeats Jennifer and becomes a True Alpha. Deucalion slashes Jennifer's throat, apparently killing her. Jennifer is revealed to be barely alive, having survived Deucalion's attack, but is confronted by Peter. Peter kills her, claiming that he has always been the Alpha. |
THE TRIAL OF A TIME LORD
PART THIRTEEN (THE ULTIMATE FOE)
Run time: 24:42
[SCENE_BREAK]
Trial room
[SCENE_BREAK]
Keeper: I came as soon as I could, my lady.
Inquisitor: Thank you, Keeper. Doctor, do you have any further evidence in your defence?
Valeyard: My lady, with all due respect, have we not seen enough? Are you not forgetting Article seven and the irrefutable charge which faces the Doctor, that of genocide?
Inquisitor: I shall deal with that charge in due course, Valeyard. Now kindly don't interrupt me again. Doctor, do you have any further evidence in your defence?
The Doctor: No, my lady, but I would point out that much of the Railyard's so-called evidence was a farrago of distortion which would have had Ananias, Baron Munchhausen and every other famous liar blushing down to their very toe nails. Much of the evidence was not as I remembered.
Inquisitor: Do you still maintain the Matrix has been tampered with?
The Doctor: Yes, madam, I do. All I do not yet understand is who did it and why.
Inquisitor: Your accusation would be laughable if it were not so outrageous. However, as you see, I have summoned the Keeper of the Matrix. Keeper?
Keeper: My lady.
Inquisitor: You have heard the Doctor's allegations. Is it at all possible for the data stored within the Matrix to be tampered with in any way?
Keeper: Quite impossible, my lady. No one may enter the Matrix without the Key of Rassilon.
The Doctor: And by whom may the key be used?
Keeper: Qualified people, for inspection once in a millennium, perhaps. To replace a transductor.
The Doctor: But keys can be copied, you'll agree?
Keeper: The Key of Rassilon never leaves my possession.
The Doctor: Except when it's in the hands of those qualified people.
Valeyard: This is a ridiculous allegation, my lady. The Doctor is challenging the evidence of the Matrix on the grounds that it has been tampered with, a charge he is totally unable to substantiate.
Inquisitor: That is accepted. Doctor, wild accusations of malfeasance do not constitute a defence.
The Doctor: The Matrix can be physically penetrated. The Keeper has admitted as much. Now, much of the evidence you saw was totally at variance with my own memory. Therefore, it has been deliberately distorted.
Inquisitor: And who would do such a thing, even if it were possible.
The Doctor: Somebody who wants my head, such as the Valeyard.
Inquisitor: Doctor, if you were not already facing the most serious charges, such an accusation levelled at a senior prosecutor would bring you into contempt.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Space station
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mel (O.C.): What's going on? Let me out of here!
Glitz: Dibber? What's happened to your voice, lad?
Mel: I'm not Dibber. Neither am I a lad. And what's more, there's nothing wrong with my voice. As a matter of total disinterest, who are you?
Glitz: Oh, Sabalom Glitz. And you?
Mel: Melanie, known as Mel.
Glitz: Are they all like you here?
Mel: I don't know. Shall we go and find out?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Trial room
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inquisitor: There is only one to rebut the evidence of the Matrix, Doctor, and that is to produce witnesses who can support your version of events. Can you do that?
The Doctor: Well, of course I can't. You know I can't.
Inquisitor: Then we must accept the Valeyard's evidence.
The Doctor: Any witnesses I might produce are scattered all over the universe and all through time. How can I find them now?
Valeyard: Procrastination, my lady. The Doctor' only...
The Doctor: Melanie? Glitz? What are you doing here?
Glitz: I was sent, wasn't I. Not my idea, mind.
Mel: Same here. What have you been up to?
Inquisitor: Be silent. Who sent you?
Glitz: That's the beak, is it? They all look the same, don't they? Carved out of something hard and nasty.
Inquisitor: You said you were sent here, Sabalom Glitz. By whom?
Master (on screen): By me, madam.
The Doctor: Oh no! Now I really am finished.
Mel: Who's that?
The Doctor: Just one of my oldest enemies.
Inquisitor: This is entirely irregular. Who are you, sir?
Master (on screen): I'm known as the Master, and as you see, I speak to you from within the Matrix. Proof, if any be needed, that not only qualified people can enter here.
Keeper: But you haven't the Key of Rassilon.
Master (on screen): I got a very good copy, Keeper, just as the Doctor said was possible.
Inquisitor: This is an independent inquiry appointed by the High Council to investigate serious charges...
Master (on screen): Madam, I know. I've followed the trial with great interest and indeed amusement, but now I must intervene for the sake of justice.
The Doctor: Justice? Pay no attention, madam. He has no concept of what justice is. He'd see me dead tomorrow.
Master (on screen): Gladly, Doctor, but I'm not prepared to countenance a rival.
Valeyard: My lady, I must propose an immediate adjournment.
Inquisitor: I'm sorry, Valeyard. The evidence for the prosecution is completed. The ball, as the Doctor might say, is out of your court.
Master (on screen): Doctor, I've sent you two star witnesses. I knew you'd need them.
Valeyard: With due respect, Sagacity, the matter of witnesses is for you to decide. We've seen enough to know that Glitz is an admitted criminal. Any testimony from him must therefore be dubious in the extreme.
Mel: But not from me. I'm as truthful, honest, and about as boring as they come.
Inquisitor: This court is not, for the moment, impugning your integrity, young lady.
Master (on screen): Let Sabalom Glitz speak.
Inquisitor: Criminals have been known to speak the truth, Valeyard, especially when their own interests are not at stake.
Valeyard: My point, my lady, is that this person who calls himself the Master, whoever he might be, should not be permitted to produce surprise witnesses.
Master (on screen): You pretend not to know me, do you? I'm surprised by the shortness of the Valeyard's memory.
Inquisitor: The Doctor may, in his defence, call witnesses to rebut your evidence, after which you may cross-examine them. That is the procedure, Valeyard.
Valeyard: My lady.
Master (on screen): If I might intercede?
Inquisitor: You have no part in these proceedings, sir.
Master (on screen): Corporeally, of course not, but I'm present, and enjoying myself enormously.
Inquisitor: Doctor, please examine your witnesses.
The Doctor: Yes, madam.
Glitz: This is real machonite, you know. Worth a few grotzits today, Your Honour.
The Doctor: Glitz.
Glitz: I could make you a fair offer on a job lot, do you a very good deal.
The Doctor: Glitz!
Glitz: What?
The Doctor: You were sent here by the Master.
Glitz: Yeah, well, he's a business partner, so to speak. We've had a few nice little tickles together...
The Doctor: This court is not interested in your sordid business deals, Glitz.
Inquisitor: Very good, Doctor. Keep him to the point.
The Doctor: When we last met, you expressed interest in a box.
Glitz: Right.
The Doctor: What was in that box?
Glitz: I don't know. Scientific stuff, so he said. Stuff the Sleepers have been nicking from the Matrix for years.
Keeper: The Matrix? My Matrix?
Glitz: Right. Well, it seems the Sleepers had found a way to break into the Matrix, and they were creaming off all this high-tech info to take back to Andromeda.
The Doctor: But they were operating from Earth.
Glitz: Of course. That was their cover, wasn't it. They knew that the Time Lords eventually would trace the leak.
Valeyard: He's lying, my lady.
The Doctor: I don't think so, Stackyard. It all begins to make very good sense.
Mel: That's it, Doc. Now we're getting at the dirt.
The Doctor: Doc? Carry on, Glitz. What happened next?
Glitz: Well, eventually the Time Lords did suss out the leak, so they wanted to wipe out all the Sleepers, and they used this er, magno. Magno...
The Doctor: Magnotron?
Glitz: That's it.
The Doctor: Well, that can only be done by an order in High Council.
Master (on screen): Of course, Doctor. To protect their own secrets, they drew the Earth and its constellation billions of miles across space...
The Doctor: Causing the fireball which nearly destroyed the planet.
Master (on screen): Of little consequence in the High Council's planning. The robot recovery mission from Andromeda sped past Earth out into space. Gallifreyan secrets were saved, except that at the first intimation of the coming fireball, the Andromedans were able to set up a survival chamber for the Sleepers.
The Doctor: So that's why Earth was renamed Ravalox. That sanctimonious gang of hypocrites were covering their tracks.
Master (on screen): Exactly. It takes time, Doctor, but eventually you get there.
The Doctor: They put an ancient culture like the Earth to the sword for the sake of a few miserable, filthy scientific advances?
Glitz: Big market for them, Doctor, so he said. Worth a lot of grotzits.
The Doctor: In all my travellings throughout the universe I have battled against evil, against power-mad conspirators. I should have stayed here. The oldest civilisation, decadent, degenerate and rotten to the core. Ha! Power-mad conspirators, Daleks, Sontarans, Cybermen, they're still in the nursery compared to us. Ten million years of absolute power, that's what it takes to be really corrupt.
Mel: Take it easy, Doc.
Inquisitor: Doctor, these unseemly outbursts...
The Doctor: Unseemly outbursts? If I hadn't visited Ravalox, as I then thought of it, the High Council would have kept this outrage carefully buried, as presumably they have for several centuries.
Master (on screen): I must agree. You have an endearing habit of blundering into these things, Doctor, and the High Council took full advantage of your blunder.
Inquisitor: Explain that.
Master (on screen): They made a deal with the Valeyard, or as I've always known him, the Doctor, to adjust the evidence, in return for which he was promised the remainder of the Doctor's regenerations.
Valeyard: This is clearly...
The Doctor: Just a minute! Did you call him the Doctor?
Master (on screen): There is some evil in all of us, Doctor, even you. The Valeyard is an amalgamation of the darker sides of your nature, somewhere between your twelfth and final incarnation. And I may say, you do not improve with age.
The Doctor: Madam, this revelation should halt this trial immediately. Surely even Gallifreyan law must acknowledge that the same person cannot be both prosecutor and defendant.
Inquisitor: The single purpose of this trial is to determine the defendant's guilt or otherwise on the basis of the evidence that has been presented. Anything else is, for the moment, irrelevant.
The Doctor: What?
Mel: Doctor!
Inquisitor: Valeyard!
The Doctor: Glitz, come on!
Glitz: What?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Space station
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: We need him.
Glitz: But he hasn't had time.
The Doctor: There must be another way out of here.
Glitz: He's gone!
Keeper: The seventh door. He must have had a key.
The Doctor: What?
Keeper: The seventh entrance to the Matrix.
The Doctor: Well, quickly, man, open it. He must be brought back.
Inquisitor: I agree.
Keeper: You'll never find him. The Matrix is a micro-universe.
Mel: Don't go, Doctor.
The Doctor: I must. Perhaps nothing in my life has ever been so important. Come on, Glitz.
Glitz: Me?
Mel: Doctor!
Inquisitor: Be silent! Come, let us return to the trial room.
Mel: Why? There's nobody to try anymore.
Inquisitor: Come along, both of you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Courtyard
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: Oh! Oh, what an unpleasant journey. What an unpleasant place.
Valeyard (O.C.): Doctor.
The Doctor: Glitz? Glitz?
Valeyard (O.C.): Bwahahahahahaha!
Children (O.C.): London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady.
Valeyard (O.C.): Bwahahahahahaha!
The Doctor: Well, I can't believe you're in there.
The Doctor: Glitz! Help!
The Doctor: Glitz!
Glitz: Doctor?
The Doctor: Hurry, man!
Glitz: What's going on?
The Doctor: Oh, I don't know. I don't know whether what just happened to me was real or an illusion.
Glitz: Looks like someone's had a go at you.
The Doctor: Do you mind?
Glitz: What?
The Doctor: Water.
Glitz: Oh, yeah, sure.
The Doctor: We're not in the real world any longer, Sabalom Glitz. Whatever attacked me was in that barrel.
Glitz: Argh.
The Doctor: Or was it in my mind?
Glitz: How can we be in a different world? We just stepped through a door, that's all.
The Doctor: Into the Matrix, where the only logic is that there isn't any logic.
Glitz: Yeah, I knew this was a mistake. My grip on reality's not too good at the best of times. Here, this is for you.
Glitz: Now, if you don't mind telling me, how do I get out of here?
The Doctor: It's from the Master.
Glitz: I know. I've just given it to you. He said it would be useful.
The Doctor: It tells me where the Valeyard has his base.
Glitz: (reads) The Fantasy Factory, proprietor J J Chambers.
The Doctor: So that's where he got to.
The Doctor: So why is the Master helping me?
Glitz: Yeah, well, I'm sure you'll find out. I'm off.
The Doctor: No, come on. I want you to meet my darker side.
Glitz: I've done my bit.
The Doctor: Pop in and say hello. You'll be perfectly safe.
Glitz: What's going on?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Trial room
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inquisitor: Assuming I accept what you say about the evidence against the Doctor, how much of it had been contrived?
Master (on screen): For a lie to work, madam, it must be shrouded in truth. Therefore most of what you saw was true.
Inquisitor: Then the young woman, the one who died, was that true?
Master (on screen): Ah, the delightful Miss Perpugilliam Brown. That was clever of the Valeyard, exploiting the affection the Doctor had for her. But then, of course, the Valeyard would know precisely how the Doctor felt.
Inquisitor: Then she lives?
Master (on screen): As a queen, set up on high by that warmongering fool Yrcanos.
Inquisitor: I am pleased.
Master (on screen): Sentiment will not keep the Doctor alive, my lady.
Mel: Isn't there anything we can do to help?
Master (on screen): Remain calm. Concentrate your thoughts. Prepare for the worst.
Keeper: Huh. Sounds a bit gloomy.
Master (on screen): You have any other suggestions, my dear Keeper?
Inquisitor: Assuming I accept what you say about the evidence against the Doctor, how much of it had been contrived?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Courtyard
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: You'll catch cold lying there.
Glitz: You're a hard man, Doctor. I could have been killed.
The Doctor: Not when you're wearing a mark seven postidion life preserver.
Glitz: Yeah, well, whoever threw that harpoon didn't know that. So much for illusions. Anyway, I thought it was you he was trying to kill.
The Doctor: Yes, he's playing games. He wants to humiliate me first.
Glitz: Oh, I see. He humiliates you by throwing harpoons at me. It makes a lot of sense.
The Doctor: Your presence here makes his task more difficult. He knows that. He also knows that together we can fight him.
Glitz: Look, Doctor, I'm a small-time crook with small-time ambitions, one of which is to stay alive. I'm sorry, Doctor. I wish you every good luck, but I'm on my way. I've done my bit.
The Doctor: If you leave and I die, what future do you think you'll have? As the only witness to events here, the Valeyard will be forced to seek you out and kill you.
Glitz: All right, I'll help you.
The Doctor: Good man. Now, button your life preserver and let's get on with it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Trial room
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inquisitor: In all my experience, I have never before had to conclude a case in both the absence of the accused and the prosecutor.
Master (on screen): One and the same person, madam.
Inquisitor: So you've said, but can you prove that?
Master (on screen): I know them both. But I suggest you question the High Council. They set up this travesty of a trial, making a scapegoat of the Doctor to conceal their own involvement.
Inquisitor: Is there any reason why I should accept that allegation from a renegade Time Lord?
Master (on screen): Yes, if you're concerned with learning the truth.
Inquisitor: What is your interest in this matter? Not, I think, concern for the Doctor.
Master (on screen): Oh, indeed not. The Doctor's well matched against himself. One must destroy the other.
Mel: How utterly evil.
Master (on screen): Thank you. I think I'd lay a shade more odds on the Valeyard, though the possibility of their mutual destruction must exist. That would be perfect.
Mel: You're despicable.
Master (on screen): So many compliments. May I say, you're a charming child.
Mel: You beast.
Inquisitor: Be quiet, girl. Am I to take it that some base desire for revenge is your motive for interfering?
Master (on screen): There's nothing purer and more unsullied, madam, than the desire for revenge. But, if you follow the metaphor, I've thrown a pebble into the water, perhaps killing two birds with one stone, and causing ripples that'll rock the High Council to its foundations. What more could a renegade wish for?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Outer office
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: How do you do? I think we're expected.
Glitz: Are you sure we're in the right place?
Popplewick: Yes?
The Doctor: We'd like to see the proprietor, please.
Popplewick: Do you have an appointment, sir? Mister Chambers only sees people by appointment. Most particular about appointments is our Mister Chambers.
The Doctor: I think you'll find we're expected.
Popplewick: What is your name, sir?
The Doctor: I am known as the Doctor, and this is Mister Sabalom Glitz.
Glitz: If this Valeyard wants you dead, he's got a funny way of going about it.
The Doctor: I've told you. It's called humiliation. Could you hurry up, please? We haven't got all day.
Popplewick: There are procedures to follow, sir. Necessary routines to be completed. Even when I've found your names, there are many forms to be inscribed before you may move on to the next stage of processing. Processing is very important in this establishment. I'm sure that even you will understand that such things cannot be rushed, sir.
The Doctor: Oh, I don't know. I've always been a bit of an iconoclast by nature.
Popplewick: You can't go in there, not without an appointment!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner office
[SCENE_BREAK]
Popplewick: Ah, Doctor.
The Doctor: Well, at least you're expecting us.
Popplewick: We all are.
Glitz: You're lookalike out there wasn't.
Popplewick: He is the exception. The very junior Mister Popplewick isn't permitted to expect anyone.
Glitz: What's he talking about?
The Doctor: I think it's called bureaucracy.
Popplewick: I prefer to call it order, and the holy writ of order is procedure. I'm sure you agree.
Glitz: Oh, yeah, of course.
Popplewick: For example, you wish to see the proprietor. Now, the correct procedure is to make an appointment.
The Doctor: But we're already expected.
Popplewick: But the junior Mister Popplewick isn't allowed to expect anyone.
Glitz: You knew we were coming. Why didn't you give him the nod?
Popplewick: And upset the procedure? The junior Mister Popplewick has his pride too.
Glitz: I don't understand any of this. Here we are, waiting to duck a terminal knuckle sandwich, and all this screeve's going on about is whether we've got an appointment or not.
The Doctor: Is there no way to expedite the procedure?
Popplewick: Expedite? I am a senior clerk, sir. To me, the procedure is sacrosanct. My work is a celebration of all that is perfect. Why speed perfection?
The Doctor: Because your employer wants me dead.
Popplewick: You seem to have found the one little weakness in our procedure, sir. Would you sign this?
The Doctor: What is it?
Popplewick: A consent form, sir. The corridors in this factory are very long and dark. Should you unexpectedly die, our blessed proprietor, Mister J J Chambers, insists he inherits your remaining lives.
The Doctor: Obviously the Valeyard doesn't trust the High Council to honour their side of the bargain.
Glitz: Sign that and you're a dead man.
The Doctor: We're in the Valeyard's domain. He can try and kill me any time he likes. I'll sign my remaining lives away to Mister J J Chambers.
Glitz: Are you sure about this?
The Doctor: Absolutely. Now can we see your proprietor?
Popplewick: The waiting room is through there. You will be summoned as soon as your signature has been verified.
Glitz: This is madness.
The Doctor: Not if it precipitates my meeting with the Valeyard.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Beach
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: This is a very odd waiting room. Where are the hopelessly out of date magazines.
The Doctor: Hmm? Glitz? Glitz?
Voice (O.C.): Bwahahahahahaha!
The Doctor: What have you done with him?
Valeyard (O.C.): Look to your own predicament, Doctor.
The Doctor: This is an illusion. I deny it!
Valeyard (O.C.): Not this time.
The Doctor: This isn't happening!
Valeyard (O.C.): You are dead, Doctor.
The Doctor: No!
Valeyard (O.C.): Goodbye, Doctor. Bwahahahahahaha! | Plan: A: the trial; Q: What is the Doctor going through? A: an appearance; Q: What does an old foe of the Doctor make? A: The Doctor; Q: Who goes inside the Matrix to capture the Valeyard? A: his innocence; Q: What does the Doctor want to prove in the process? Summary: As the trial of the Doctor continues, an old foe of the Doctor makes an appearance startling the Doctor, the keeper of the Matrix and the Inquisitor alike. The Doctor and the court then discovers who the Valeyard really is. The Doctor goes inside the Matrix after the Valeyard in an attempt to capture him and also prove his innocence in the process. |
(Big Q. It's the end of Michael's shift at the Big Q, and Mike's cleaning out his locker.)
Michael: Still batteling Club Domenia, Andrew? When you're on first episode you have a problem.
Andrew: Ah, kids birthday this weekend. Good thing for us is our discount.
Michael: Yeah, you could broke!
Andrew: That's why I hope I get that job!
Michael: Which job?
Andrew: Didn't you know? They making Barbarosa the new District Manager in the State.
Michael: No sh1t!
Andrew: And they letting him pick his replacement from inside the store. I think "f*ck, this will me." Right?
Michael: Right.
Andrew: Well, I better pratice my ass-kissing. Wish me luck.
Michael: You got it.
(Michael leaves. He's walking out of the back when Tracy.)
Tracy: So, are you goin' to ask me?
Michael: Ask you what?
Tracy: What I think about you as Barbarossa replacement. I can you brought!
Michael: Thanks but I like my job. Besides being a manager is a lot responsiblity.
Tracy: So? You can handle it. Besides you're much better qualified than Andrew anyday. You're a better worker, you've been here longer, people like you better.
Michael: Yeah, I guess.
Tracy: C'mon. If you want to get ahead, you have to do a little bit ass-kissing, like Andrew. And something tells me you can kiss ass with the best of them!
(Babylon! The Boys plus Justin exit the club. Emmett's wearing an extravagant blue '70s leather jacket and pants ensemble, but everything's a little too small on him.)
Justin: Have I tell you that my dad want send me to a military school? I said "f*ck no!"
Brian: I think you're dad might be right about military school. It's for your own good.
Emmett: I always want to go in a military school. I know those slinky uniform. Go cuts.
Ted: Taking orders. Getting punished when you're naughty.
(Emmett to bend over while the others playfully whack his behind.)
Emmett: Yes, sir! Sorry Sir!
Michael: Don't forget showering with all those cadets.
(Brian stopps at a normaly car.)
Emmett: Oh, my. Who ever thought we see the day Brian Kinney driving an economy compact.
Brian: And I have to go a new car this week.
Michael: Another fuck-mobile?
(Emmett, kissing the back of Justin's neck.)
Emmett: In his age he needs all be attractive to attract these hot young things.
Ted: I thought what happen you might consider something more practical.
Brian: Well, something I account my drive?
Michael: You don't want any more weirdos ramming into you.
Emmett: Never heard him complain about that before.
(Brian and Justin making out.)
Michael: See you later.
(Emmett, Ted and Michael leaves them. Justin and Brian kisses each other. Justin goes around to other side of the car to get in. All of a sudden, Craig Taylor taps Brian on the shoulder.)
Craig: Hey, your f*cking pervert!
(Punches him, and then starts kicking him in the chest.)
Justin: DAD!
(He pulls Craig off Brian. The Boys, alerted by Justin's cries, run back and pick Brian up off the street, and then have to restrain him from ripping out Craig's throat.)
Emmett: It's his dad! Stop it!
Craig: That's it, Justin. That's it. You come home right now or you're never come home again.
Justin: Never again. Did you hear me? I said, never again! Go! GET THE f*ck OUT OF HERE! I never coming home again! NEVER f*ckin'.
Brian: JUSTIN. Stop.
(Later, at the Liberty Diner, Justin excitedly describes the scene to Debbie, exaggerating a little bit. Debbie wearing a t-shirt that has a picture of rooster on it, with the word "cock" written underneath)
Justin: ...so my dad is kicking him, beating him. And I jumped out of his back and pull him off and shout punching him!
Emmett: Don't forget how you single-handedly fought off those attack dogs.
Ted: Or how you foiled the assassination attempt by that Iranian death squad.
Debbie: Your boys think it's funny? Who is this idea of some evening entertainment? This poor child has been f*cking traumatized watching his father deserve like that. And this is for you. (to Brian) I told your be trouble and you didn't listen.
Justin: It's not his fault and I'm not a child. I'm going to be eighteen soon. That means I can vote, and get married and join the army.
Emmett: Hopefully not in the same day(!)
Debbie: Maybe so. But as far as your parents can assume your still the sweet innocent little boy. They're not ready to think of you sucking cock or taking it up the ass.
Michael: Ma! You have to be so graffic?
Debbie: Michael, when I'm making a point would you please not interrupt while I'm talkin'! So, what was I'm talkin' about?
Ted: Something about sucking cock and taking up the ass.
Debbie: Right. So, their not ready to see you as a man especially a gay man. Their need to educated that they understand what you're goin' through.
Brian: What about what I'm goin' through? His father almost broke my f*cking rips. You know, I'll should have him arrest it.
Debbie: Leave it alone! It's enough damaged tonight.
(As she tries to finish busing their table, she stumbles.)
Michael: Ma, you're okay?
Debbie: Yeah, I'm fine, honey. Just tired from work from 6 am.
(Lifting the bus tray, she takes one step and collapses.)
Michael: MA! Somebody get some help!
(As Mikey picks her head up off the ground her red hair falls off.)
Michael: SOMEBODY GET SOME HELP!
Deb: Stop screaming! I...I...I...I lost my hairing. Oh my...
Michael: Ma, I'm taking you to the hospital.
Deb: No, I have to finished my shift.
Michael: You're shift is over, Mom!
Deb: I swallowed my gum! Michael, help me this put on.
(At the Taylor Manse.)
Jen: What are you thinking?
Craig: I wasn't.
Jen: That's right, you're never do just... act.
Craig: I do what I had to do.
Jen: "What you had to do..." Craig, do you know how close we are to loosing him what you do. You're practically push him out the door.
Craig: I told him to come home, Jen and he wouldn't.
Jen: WHO WOULD WITH A LUNATIC?!
Craig: Look, I tryin' to protect our son.
Jen: It's you he needs protectin' from! No wonder he is out there!
Craig: Well, he made his choice.
Jen: What did... what did you say?
Craig: I SAID HE MADE HIS CHOICE, JEN! I gave him a choice and he made it.
Jen: Oh... oh, big man! Big!
Craig: Jen!
Jen: Don't come upstairs. I mean it. I don't wanna see you.
Craig: I am not gonna be humiliated by a bunch of...
Jen: Fags? I've got news for you, Big Man. You already have been.
(At Debbie's house, Ted and Emmett sit on the couch with Debbie.)
Emmett: How about I make you some toast.
Ted: And tea?
Debbie: I don't want any toast and I don't wanna tea. What I want is that you stop making such a fuss about her and go home. You all have work to do tomorrow. So do I.
Michael: I already told you, you're not goin' into work. You stay here and take it easy.
Debbie: I can afford to take it easy.
Brian: It's not gonna kill you stay home for a day or two, Deb.
Justin: Bed rest is an important part of every recovery.
Ted: Thank you, Doogie Howser.
(Uncle Vic stomps out to the porch, and Mike follows him.)
Michael: Hey. Don't worry Uncle Vic. She's okay. The doctor says it's just exhausting, that's all.
Vic: Just exhausting! Do you have any idea how tired you have to be to fall over? That's how tired your mother is. And that's all because of me.
Michael: What are you talkin about? Think about how unhappy she would be without you.
Vic: But I'm the reason she's pushung herself so hard, working double shifts to pay of my decks. She's even taking a second mortgage.
Michael: What? On our house?!
Vic: Yeah. She didn't get much but she did.
Michael: Why you didn't tell me?
Vic: She made me promised not to!
(Vic goes inside and leave Michael alone.)
(Brian's loft. Brian's checking himself out in the mirror.)
Brian: I'm luck that I'm still have my teeth... and not a black eye. How do I look?
Justin: Great. You always look great. I'm sorry for my dad... and everything.
Brian: Yeah, sorry is bullshit.
(He following Brian into the kitchen.)
Justin: Look, I didn't mean to cause you in any problems.
(Brian pulls a beer out of the fridge and looks at Justin blankly.)
Justin: Well, I'm go.
Brian: Where?
Justin: I dunno. I find some place.
Brian: Justin. You can stay here. (he get toward Brian's bedplace.) On the sofa.
(Justin sits down on the couch all dejected. When Brian returns with a blanket, he can see that Justin is very, very sad.)
Brian: You're not cryin', are you?
Justin: I'm not some little faggot.
Brian: No, you're not. You're pretty brave actually... standing up your father like that.
Justin: He was hurting you.
Brian: Get some sleep.
(He goes back over to his own bed. Justin looks like he's going to break into about a million pieces. To the sound of Madonna's "Tell Me" Justin strips down to his underwear, watching Brian do the same and climb into bed. Once he's sure that Brian's settled, Justin creeps up to the bed and climbs in, trying not to disturb Brian. Brian rolls over and sees him; every pore in Justin's being begs Brian to not send him back to the couch alone. Brian smiles softly, pulls the blankets up under Justin's chin, and rolls back over. Eventually, Justin closes his own eyes and goes to sleep.)
(The next morning, Mike and Brian catch breakfast at the Liberty Diner. Brian flipping through car brochures.)
Brian: So what do you think, Mikey? The jeep is always hot.
Michael: What does he doin' in your place?
Brian: He need to stay somewhere. The audi is a f*ck machine, but the guys that drive them usually aren't.
Michael: His dad almost beat the sh1t out of you.
Brian: The Boxster's sexy -- if you have a little dick. What do you think?
Michael: What do I think? It's obviously you don't care what I think about your Boy Wonder, what difference how I feel about your Batmobile? Get the Jeep for Monday, the Audi for Tuesday, and the Boxster for Wednesday?
Brian: Hey!
Michael: You sitting here an cannot decide what hot new car your brought while my mom is loosing our f*ckin' house! I get to work!
Brian: Michael, if you need money...
Michael: No!
Brian: Look, I had an amazing year...
Michael: That's great, but thanks anyway.
Brian: I offering you a f*cking gift...
Michael: I know! I just can't.
Brian: Why?
Michael: Because you're always there for me, takin' care of thing. Finding out the bullies in school, give me the answers of tests, take me to the hospital the first time I got gonorrhea. This... this is my mom. And this is something I have to do for her by myself.
(Daphne and Justin walk to school.)
Justin: So, my dad tried to beat up Brian and Debbie fell out in the diner. And then I spend the night at Brian's. What did you do?
Daphne: A read a lesson for Dean which is exactly what it felt like.
(Justin's mom is parked across the street from the school.)
Jen: Justin! Hi Daphne.
Daphne: Hi! (she leaves them alone.)
Jen: Brought you your uniform and your books. I know you had that essay due today.
Justin: Tomorrow.
Jen: You're alright?
Justin: I'm fine!
Jen: I was worried about you last night. Where were you?
Justin: Where do you think?
Jen: Justin, please wait. I want you to come home.
Justin: After what dad did? No way!
Jen: He did crazy. He didn't know what he was doin' but we can work this out. I promise.
Justin: Jen, don't promise. Now would you please go?
Jen: Do you need anything?
Justin: I need you to go!
(Debbie's house. Debbie, still wigless, finds Vic in the kitchen, grumpily drinking a cup of coffee.)
Debbie: Hello.
Vic: What your doin' up? You supposed to be taking a nap.
Debbie: Well, naps are brief. That's why it's such a short word. Are you takin' your meds?
Vic: Yes! I've takin' my meds!
Debbie: What is this? "Apartments for rent"? Why are you looking for "Apartments for rent"?
Vic: Don't get your titties in a twist!
Debbie: I am not selling the house if that's what you've think!
Vic: Of course your not selling the house. It's for me. I'm thinking for moving out. I feelin' much better now. And with my disability I can afford a room somewhere.
Debbie: You have a room somewhere! Here!
Vic: I don't want you to feel obligated.
Debbie: Obliged?! Your becoming this close to get punched out!
Vic: Your doctor said not to overexert yourself.
Debbie: Well, f*ck him! I punched you out when you were a kid and I can punched you out now! I want some soup.
Vic: Chicken nudle?
Debbie: Yeah. When you came back from New York I didn't take you in because I felt obliged. I took you in because I want to. Hell, I would do it again.
Vic: Yeah, let's. The dementia. The thrush. The CMV, that was a laugh and a half.
Debbie: I mean, I want you here sick, and I want you here well. I'll take you any way I can get you. So, unless you're reading the funnies, I'm just going to toss this. Where is my soup?! I'll serve. I don't will get rusty.
(Brian's office. Jennifer barges in his office and introduces herself as Justin's mom. She drops a big duffel bag onto his desk.)
Jen: Hi, Jennifer Taylor. Justin's mother. OK, so...his clothes, the sketch pad, shoes, underwear... oh "Yellow submarine". It's his favourite. He watched it a million times. Did you know he wanted to be an animator?
Brian: No, I'm...
Jen: No, you wouldn't. Uh, check. Here we go.
Brian: For what?
Jen: Well, Justin's expensive. He eats like a football player, goes through clothes faster than I can buy them, and he's always needing something for school.
Brian: You think he's staying with me?
Jen: Where else?
Brian: I don't know, but he's not moving into my place.
Jen: Well, he needs gonna live somewhere since he told me he's never coming back home again.
Brian: Why do you care what he says? You're his mother. Come and get him.
Jen: If I came and got him he would just... runaway and I'm might never see him again. Do you know what happens to runaway kids, Mr. Kinney?
Brian: They end up on milk cartons.
Jen: Or worse. At least if he's with you, I know where he is.
(Jen goes to the door.)
Brian: He is not my responsibility.
Jen: Oh, yes he is! You seduced him, you f-f-fucked him, so now he's yours! So, kindly, uh, see that he takes his allergy medicine, and does his homework, and gets to school on time.
(Jen walks to the door and turns around one last time.)
Jen: And, uh, tell him that we love him.
(At the Big Q Mart, Mike finds his boss, Bob Barbarosa, in the back of the store, checking inventory and singing opera.)
Michael: Hey Bob. Sounds great.
Bob: Well thanks Mike. I didn't realized that I have an audience.
Michael: You should have been an opera singer.
Bob: Yeah, well I wanna be once but then I had to be a choice. The Met or the Big Q.
Michael: Well obivously it's paying off. Congratulations on the promotion.
Bob: Thanks. District Manager - big responsibility.
Michael: I bet. Have you picked your replacement yet?
Bob: No, no. Couple of people express their interested.
Michael: Yeah, I know. Um, I hope you wouldn't mind that I like to toss my head in the ring.
Bob: Sure, Mike. Sure. I really honest with you. I never had you pegged for the ambitious type.
Michael: I've always been focused on my job, on doing it well. A promotion should be good for my balance but it should be what's good for the company.
Bob: You know something, Mike? A lot of people do not feel that way. Mostly they come in for themselfs. I tell you what. I have a little congratulation diner tomorrow night. Over to Dominics? Why don't you come along?
Michael: Wow Bob, thanks a lot.
Bob: And, bring your lady.
(The Boys' Gym. Mike tells his story to Ted and Emmett.)
Michael: He wants me to bring my lady.
Emmett: I though straight guys doesn't say like "Bring your lady".
Ted: They say worse than that.
Michael: I don't have a lady!
Emmett: No, you have something better. Doctor Dreamboat.
Ted: I can fix you up my sister. Only I have to warn you, she looks like me in a dress. Oh, Emmett could dress up like last Halloween.
Emmett: No, Emmett could not! Besides which, how is Mike going to explain that he's dating Reba McEntire?
Michael: Easier than explain him I'm a fag.
Emmett: So tell them the truth already.
Ted: You said he's a nice guy and he likes you.
Michael: Yeah until I've give him a reason not to. There is these woman who works in shipping - Helga. Big, short-cropped hair, pick-up truck. She's been working there for fifteen years. Every year she's been gets passed over for a promotion every year, and everyone knows why, and no one says anything. So she still sitting there, doin' in voices. I can't afford to let that happen to me. Fifteen years from now I can't still be an inventory, directing shoppers to the supersaling in backyards barbeques.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Brian's loft. Brian enters, to the sound of Daphne chirping on his answering machine and Justin dancing around in the living room with headphones on, wearing Brian's shirt.)
Daphne: (at am) "Hello? Justin? I know you're there! Justin! Are you guys doing it?!"
(Brian picks up the phone, then slams it down. Brian's holding his side, so I take it his ribs are still bruised. Brian also looks near-homicidal. He pulls the headphones off the top of Justin's head.)
Brian: What are you doin'?
Justin: Huh?
Brian: (screams) WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Justin: Uh, listening to Moby. It's really hot.
(Brian glares at him, not saying a word. Justin's getting nervous.)
Justin: So, what's up?
Brian: What's up is you left my door unlooked. What's up this is not a hotel room and you're not in your blond tour. What's up is you're mother paid me a little visit today. Finally what's up is your take off my shirt and clean up your sh1t! All I want to do is come home and have something to eat.
Justin: I could make you... something.
(Brian, opening the refrigerator and finding it empty)
Brian: No, you couldn't!
Justin: I'm sorry I'm in your way.
Brian: Not as sorry as I am.
Justin: I didn't mean it for happen!
Brian: Well, it did.
Justin: So, as long as we're together.
Brian: We are not... together. You're here as the result of a series of an unfortunate circumstances, which have given me the worst headache of my life. And the duffel bag is full of your f*cking underwear! Now, I'm goin' to bed.
Justin: OK.
(He starts to follow him. Brian redirects Justin over to the desk.)
Brian: Alone. Your go over there and do your homework and lights out by eleven.
Justin: Eleven?!
Brian: Do you know that I had to promised your mother that you wouldn't be late for school tomorrow? And by the way, she sends her love.
(Debbie's house. Debbie's trying to sneak down the stairs determined to go to work. Vic jumps out, blocks the door.)
Debbie: Vic, listen to me! Get away from this door!
Vic: Get out of those clothes and back in your moomo.
Debbie: If I have to watch Martha Stewart make another goddamn thing out of goat cheese, I'm gonna kill myself!
Vic: AMC has a Joan Crawford festival all week.
Debbie: Nobody's that gay. I've got to go to work. They need me.
(When Debbie sidesteps Vic and runs to the door. Vic tries to pull her back. Mike walks in.)
Vic: And your need to rest your ass!
Debbie: Hi honey. What are you doin' here?
Michael: Uncle Vic ask me to bring some rope and help tie you down.
Debbie: (she looks at Vic) Kinky. Your want some eggs? And get an eggs! I've got to do something with my hands.
Michael: I want you stay still and listen to me!
Debbie: You want some tomatoes with those?
Michael: Mom! Will you listen to me? I have something to tell you. I'm up for a promotion at work.
Debbie: Sweety, that's great!
Michael: I don't have it yet, I mean I get it ever. But either way I'm making some changes.
Vic: You're not going straight, are you?
Debbie: Vic, shoos!
Michael: I know how hard you work, you always have. Taking care of me all by yourself and nobody to help you. And I've never done anything for you.
Debbie: That is not true.
Michael: Now it's my turn to take care of you. And I will. I swear.
Debbie: Baby, you don't have take care of me. You're already do so much...
Michael: Well, I wanna do more. Now, will you stay home and tryin' to get a little rest?
(He hugs her and kisses her. He leaves the house.)
Debbie: That's my hero.
(Brian, Lindsay, and Gus pick out Brian's new wheels. Brian stops and takes a look at a Jeep, and Lindsay -- grinning as the baby coos away)
Lindsay: Gus approves.
(Brian looks through the windows, and gets the Look from two other guys checking out another car next to theirs.)
Brian: Yeah, he's not bad.
Lindsay: At the car! He think it's you. I bet Justin will like it too, driving around with his Sugar Daddy.
Brian: I am not his Sugar Daddy and would you please leave him out of this?
Salesman: Wow, beautiful baby. It's just like you.
Lindsay: Well thank you. So do our five others. I'm gonna change him, honey.
Brian: You do that, sweety.
(They kiss each other before she leaves.)
Lindsay: Where is the ladies room?
Salesman: A just around the corner. A beautiful family. You're had an eye on this one?
Brian: Yeah, I've notice how comfortable he load it.
Salesman: You're name it's on it.
(They both jump in for a closer inspection.)
Salesman: Only, you don't really want this.
Brian: I don't?
Salesman: Fags drive it. I don't know what it is, but they're attracted to it like flies. Nice couple like you, you wanna be something like that.
(He shows him to a four-door sedan.)
Brian: I appreciated the warning but I'm still uncurios. Think I get this for a test drive? And then I'll try the straight models.
Salesman: Great idea.
(Cut to Brian, outside the dealership, in the Jeep. The salesman waves to him through the floor-to-ceiling windows. Brian waves back, smiling. And then floors the Jeep, right through the window, to within ten feet of the salesman's loafers.)
Brian: So, honey, what do you think? We'll take it.
(Mike's bedroom. Mike's on his stomach, and Dr. Dave is on top of him.)
David: God, you're tight!
Michael: Thanks!
David: I'll meant your back. You're a lot of tension.
(Dr. Dave's giving him a back rub. Mike's cell phone rings, and David hands it to him.)
David: Brian!
Michael: Yeah, hi! How about I'll pick you up? Around seven? Yeah, me too. That'll be fun! OK, bye.
David: Who was that?
Michael: Tracy from the store.
David: Oh, the girl that has a crush on you.
Michael: She doesn't have a crush on me, she likes me. And I like her.
David: But not at the same way.
Michael: I'm invited her to the Barbarossa Party.
David: Really? As your date?
Michael: No! Well, yeah. But, no!
David: Well, that's clear! Have a great time.
Michael: Look, you know I can't ask you as much as I'd like to. I'm proud of you.
David: Really?
Michael: It's, I'm supposed to bring my lady.
David: This Tracy know why you asking her?
Michael: I couldn't tell her that.
David: Well, do you think it's fair considering she's goin' to thinking she's your lady?
Michael: How I know what she's thinking? Besides, it's not a date date, it's a party for the Boss. It's business. Christ, I wish everybody would just get off my back.
(David does.)
David: Honey, I will.
Michael: Hey, I'm sorry. I mean, what the hell I'm suppose to do?
David: Michael, I know how important that promotion is for you. But what you're doin' is not right, it's not fair to Tracy or to yourself. Believe me, I know I lived it. The decide but always with the good reason. The only thing is there is never a good reason. It's only the hurt that you cause. That is why you have to tell the truth.
Michael: Tell the truth, what you gonna afford to do. But I can't! I don't have an office, or a diploma, or nothing available until four weeks from Tuesday! I don't even have my own bathroom. But I do know that if I tell the truth, I probably never will.
(Woody's. Brian, Ted, and Emmett toss back a few beers and check out the local talent.)
Ted: I can't believe his mom brought you his stuff.
Brian: Yeah, she practically gift-wrapped it.
Emmett: Gifts can be returned.
Brian: I just want him out of my life and out of my house.
(Ted and Emmett exchange knowing looks. Brian spots his next conquest over by the pool table, wearing a "Hotlanta" t-shirt.)
Brian: Have you ever been in Atlanta?
Emmett: No, but I had a boyfriend from Georgia, once. I called him peach-fuzz. Bet you can't guess why.
Ted: Because his butt-cheeks were covered with this soft fuzzy down that made them look like two fuzzy peaches.
Emmett: Yeah.
Brian: Well, I think I'll show our guest some northern hospitality.
(Later, Brian and the guy are making out full-force in the crate elevator up to Brian's pad. He hits Brian's ribs the wrong way.)
Guy: What's the matter?
Brian: It's a long story.
Guy: Now hurry up and open that door. I can't wait.
Brian: Be patient. The South will rise again. And again!
(Pulling open the door, they come face to face with Justin's cooking attempts, aka a completely destroyed kitchen.)
Brian: What's all this?
Justin: I made dinner. I made salat but I dropped it.
Brian: Yeah, you made a f*cking mess.
Justin: I clean it up. Don't worry. Who's he?
Brian: He's an out-of-town guest.
Guy: Mmmh, which you're makin'? Smells good.
Justin: Jambalaya. My mom told me. It's sort of instant jambalaya because I used frozen shrimp and minute rice. I didn't know how much rice to use and the water for the shrimp overflood...
Guy: Maybe I can help. I used to live in New Orleans. My boyfriend and I used to cook jambalaya all the time. We'd just cook. And f*ck. Is there a spoon? (He tries some one.) Mmmh, it's not bad. Which you know you need it's an inchy pinchy chayen pepper. That's what it gives an extra special kick.
Brian: Let's get the extra special kick later. Now, you can stand around here eating jambalaya, or you can come upstairs and eat my ass!
Guy: Well, we can need this after.
Justin: Yeah, my mom says it's always better the second day.
(Justin sees that the guy and Brian make it out. He rush out of the loft.)
(Domenic's Restaurant. Mike and Tracy enter, Mike in a suit, Tracy in a pretty but cheap-looking black dress with big red roses on it.)
Michael: Thanks for coming with my, Trac.
Tracy: Thanks for inviting me.
Bob: Michael!
Michael: Hey Bob.
Bob: You could make it, huh?
Michael: You know Tracy?
Bob: Sure! But I didn't know you're two are an item. Be careful. Don't let the boss catch you fraternizing! Listen, I want you meet my wife. Honey, come here. (Mrs.Barbarosa comes. She's half drunken.) Honey, I want you to meet Mike Novotny, one of our assistant managers.
Mrs.Barbarossa: Oh Mike, it's so nice to meet you.
Michael: Same here, Mrs.Barbarossa.
Mrs.Barbarossa: Betty, call me Betty. Oh, this must be your adorable wife.
Michael: Not exactly.
Bob: Honey, honey. Give him some time, will you? He still work on it. Probably he can put some money on the bank first, right?
Mrs.Barbarossa: Maybe you can help them with that.
Bob: Betty, how many times I gotta tell you business is business.
Mrs.Barbarossa: Oh, when it comes to business I don't open my mouth. That's strictly his. But we really know who runs the show, don't we, dear? Oh look, here is George and Helen! Hi! Would you excuse us?
Bob: Oh, thank God. Hello Georgie!
Tracy: They thought we were married.
Michael: Yeah, how about it.
Tracy: And it's only our first date! I mean if this is a date.
Michael: Can I give you some drink?
Tracy: Oh sure.
Michael: What would you like?
Tracy: Um, whatever you having. I go to this ladies room. I'll be right back.
(Michael get some drink. Andrew comes up with his wife.)
Andrew: Hi Mike.
Michael: Hi Andrew. This is my wife.
Lis: Lis.
Michael: Nice to meet you.
Andrew: I see you broughed Tracy.
Michael: Yeah.
Andrew: I didn't know you two are goin' out.
Michael: Well, we like to give it secret, you know since we work together.
Andrew: Smart idea, considering the way rumors fly.
Michael: You're telling me.
Andrew: In fact, you should hear some of the ones about you.
Michael: Like what?
Andrew: Nothing I'd want to repeat. But it's the kind of thing that could really hurt someone's chances. Especially if they were looking for a promotion.
(Tracy comes back.)
Tracy: Hello.
Michael: There's my girl! Tracy, have you meet Andrew's wife Lis?
Tracy: No, hi.
(The next morning at the Happy Fun House, Melanie bounds down the stairs to find Lindsay setting the table for breakfast. They start to get in a little morning nookie, but Lindsay pulls away, because Justin, on the couch, is starting to wake up.)
Lindsay: Morning Justin. How'd you sleep?
Justin: Hmmm, ok. So lala.
Mel: Come and have some breakfast.
Justin: I'm not hungry.
Mel: You have to have something to eat. After all, you are a growing boy. My Jesus, did I just say that?
Justin: I can wash the sheets.
Lindsay: Oh, it's okay.
Mel: If you like you can wash my car.
Justin: I really appreciate your letting me stay here.
Lindsay: Hey, it's no trouble. You can come anytime, right Mel?
Mel: Anytime.
(Justin looking to a sketch from Brian which he draws last night.)
Justin: He hates me!
Lindsay: He doesn't hates you.
Justin: Yes, he does! And so is my dad! I pull him off Brian and I hit him. And now I can't even go home.
Mel: Sweety, it's okay.
Justin: Don't say it's okay. And don't say anything bad about Brian, either.
Mel: Well, that doesn't leave much room for conversation.
Justin: I don't know what I'm gonna do!
(Justin drops his head in his hands. Linds and Mel look at each other behind Justin's head as he starts to cry.)
Mel: You're goin to do one thing at the time.
Lindsay: Right. First you're gonna take a shower.
Mel: Then you're goin' to have breakfast.
Lindsay: Then you're goin' to school. OK? Now go.
(Justin goes and leave the ladies behind.)
Lindsay: Mmmh, guy.
Mel: And still he defends that f*cking prick! You know, it amazes me --
(Lindsay raises a hand.)
Lindsay: Don't start. Allow me.
(And she reaches for the phone. She dials Brian's number.)
Lindsay: Bri? It's Lins. Did I wake you? Good.
(Big Q Mart. Mike's rearranging the toy aisle. Mike's heroically muttering his "I'm gay" speech when he's interrupted by Barbarosa.)
Bob: Hi, Mike.
Michael: Hey Bob, thanks for inviting me to the Party. I had a great time.
Bob: Betty are crazing about you. All she wants to know when you and Tracy get engaged.
Michael: Bob, there is something I need to talk to you...
Bob: Tracy is a real pretty girl. She is what we used to say a fox. You guys still use that word "a fox"?
Michael: Yeah, we still use that word.
Bob: You know she's busy tonight?
Michael: Excuse me?
Bob: Well, I thought you two might want to have a little celebration of your own. After all, isn't that what you do when you get a new promotion, Mr. Manager?!
(On cue, Big Q employees pour out from behind the aisles, cheering. Tracy races up and gives Mike a big ole kiss.)
(School's over, and Justin's walking out. But maybe not so fast. He's blocked by a group of boys.)
Guy#1: Hey Justin, I've heard you're not living at home anymore.
Justin: f*cking Daphne has a big mouth?
Guy#1: Yeah maybe cause you're a f*cking faggot?
Guy#2: Yeah, you're a f*cking homo, you little bitch.
(Off-camera, we hear the screech of tires.)
Brian: Justin! Get in the car!
Guy#1: What the f*ck is this?
Justin: What for?
Brian: I said get in the car!
Justin: Where we goin'?
Brian: Home.
(Taylor Family Manse. Justin forlornly sits on the living-room couch, while Jennifer tries to mediate between Father and Son. Justin has nothing to say.)
Jen: Justin? Do you have anything to say? (pause) Well in that case I'll speak for your father and me - we want you to come home. That's were you belong. And I think that Brian would agree.
(Brian's lounging on a chair on the other side of the room, radiating an above-it-all arrogance.)
Craig: What difference does it make what Brian thinks?
Jen: Excuse me, I'm speaking. Let me finished. Justin?
(Justin's eyes are solidly on the carpet.)
Brian: Look at your mom, Justin.
(Justin, startled, looks up -- first at Brian, who jerks his head over, then finally to his mother.)
Jen: You're staying here.
Justin: Only if Dad says that he's sorry to Brian.
Craig: Justin, he is the one who should be apologizing to you for Christ sakes! For making you think he loved you.
Justin: He never said he loved me. He said it was just a f*ck -- that's all. But I'm okay with that, because that's all it was. All it should be.
Jen: I think you should go to your room now.
(Justin gratefully gets up to do so, but Craig stops him.)
Craig: One more thing, Justin.
Jen: Craig!
Craig: No. I'm gonna say this. If your gonna live in this house there rules you have to obey. You are not to go to gay bars or talk about your disgusting lifestyle. And you are never, ever to see him again.
Brian: So, in other words, for Justin to live here with you, he has to deny who he is, what he thinks, and how he feels.
Craig: I don't ask for your opion, pal.
(Brian gets up.)
Brian: Well, that's not love. That's hate.
Craig: Get the f*ck out of my house!
Brian: Justin, are you coming?
(Justin's shocked. He looks at his mom, who looks back with longing. Without a word, Justin follows Brian out of the house. )
(Liberty Diner. The customers applaud as Debbie returns.)
Debbie: OK, that enough. Safe it for my kid. Mikey stand up! C'mon, stand up. Everybody, Michael get promoted! He is the manager of the Big Q on Buckley!
Michael: Ma!
Debbie: Can't I be proud for one day? Is it just for gay people?
Emmett: No one's more gay than you, Deb.
Ted: Yeah, you're a role model for us all.
Debbie: What can I'm say?
Vic: I'm sure you think on something!
Debbie: You look in that face! You look in that face to know that my son has the biggest heart and the most honest. Could those eyes lie? No one deserved a promotion more than you, sweetheart cause you're the best. To know I'm just telling you, you're goin be succest (she's crying)... sh1t. I'll take the order and this is on me!
Michael: Ma, you can't afford to do that.
Debbie: Honey, we can afford anything tonight! Go.
Emmett: Um, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Vic: (to Michael) You did good, Mikey. Thanks.
(He leaps to his feet and runs outside, where it is raining. Brian, about to walk into the diner, pats him on the back, congratulating him.)
Brian: Nice goin' Mikey.
Michael: I wish everyone just stop congratulation...
Brian: OK.
Michael: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm be able to help my mom now. Great (!) But I'm a liar. And don' tell me I've been used to be a liar!
Brian: That's not what I'm gonna say. What I'm gonna say it's not lying if they make you lie. The only truth they can accept is their own. Now better get back in there. How can it be a party without the guest of honor?
Michael: What about you?
Brian: I've got someone waiting for me.
(At Brian's loft, Justin's set the table.)
Justin: Hey. You're hungry?
Brian: Not really.
Justin: You've got to eat something.
(They're siting at the table.)
Brian: So, what's for diner?
Justin: Jambalaja from last night.
(Brian tries something.)
Brian: Not bad.
Justin: It's always better the second day.
(Closing Credits.)
(Music: Angel Moon # He's All I Want) | Plan: A: Justin's father; Q: Who attacks Brian outside Babylon? A: Justin; Q: Who moves in with Brian? A: Michael; Q: Who gets a promotion at work? Summary: Justin's father attacks Brian outside Babylon; Michael gets a promotion at work; Justin moves in with Brian. |
"The Soldier on the Grave"
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Fade in: BRENNAN and BOOTH walk into the scene, ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETARY]
BOOTH: I never get used to the magnitude of this place, what it's taken to keep this country free.
BRENNAN: All socities build monuments to their dead, to convince future combatants that it's an honor to die in battle.
BOOTH: For these servicemen it was. And somebody to use this place to protest the war just pisses me off. These are the lives that gave them the right. These men, they should be respected.
BRENNAN: If they were really respected, maybe not so many of them would be buried here.
BOOTH: Are we gonna get into something here, Bones?
BRENNAN: I don't see why. I think we both wish this place were a lot smaller.
AGENT #1: Agent Booth, Dr. Brennan. Right this way.
[Camera pans out, AGENT #1, BOOTH and BRENNAN walk towards the scene. Jeffersonian employees are taking pictures of the scene and collecting samples.]
AGENT #1: It must've happened in the middle of the night. Place is so big no one saw the fire.
[ZACK is taking photos of a burned skeleton, leaning against a headstone. BOOTH, BRENNAN and AGENT #1 approach.]
ZACK: The accelerant was charcoal starter.
AGENT #1: We didn't find a suicide note.
BRENNAN: If he was a protester, wouldn't he have left a note?
BOOTH: Didn't need to. It's on Charlie Kent's grave.
BOOTH (offscreen): Press was coming out to do a tribute to him.
[BRENNAN looks up, pulls out latex gloves.]
BOOTH: One-year anniversary of his death.
BRENNAN: [Nonplussed] Charlie Kent?
BOOTH (offscreen): He was in the National Guard. About to be drafted by the NBA when he got shipped out to Iraq. He gave his life taking out a group of insurgents to save his unit.
BOOTH: Won the silver star.
BRENNAN (offscreen): It's male.
BRENNAN: African descent. Approximately 20-29 years old. Too early to determine cause of death.
BOOTH: I'm not a pro, but I'm guessin' fire.
[BRENNAN looks up at him pointedly.]
AGENT #1: The White House and the D.O.D. want an I.D. as soon as possible.
BRENNAN: So they can brand him a traitor.
BOOTH: Why do you have to be so cynical?
BRENNAN: I'm not cynical. It's a necessary psychology of warfare. Heroes and villains.
[BRENNAN stands and circles around the remains.]
BRENNAN: Without clear distinctions like that, we'd never be able to fight.
BOOTH: Yeah, well, I always found being shot at... was a motivating factor.
[BOOTH turns and moves away from the remains. Camera turns back to BRENNAN and ZACK, working with the remains.]
BRENNAN: Bag these fragments of his clothing. I also want any singed plant life or debris you find around him.
[BOOTH moves the crime scene tape, fixated on something beyond the frame.]
ZACK (offscreen): I'm on it.
[BRENNAN turns to stare at BOOTH. BOOTH shakes his head, standing in front of a headstone not unlike Kent's. BRENNAN joins him at his side.]
BRENNAN: What?
BOOTH: It's Jamie Richards.
[The headstone reads JAMES RICHARDS SFC US ARMY DEC 3 1970
OCT 26 2003
PURPLE HEART OPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM]
BOOTH (offscreen): We were in the Rangers together.
BOOTH: He was hit by a roadside bomb... just outside the green zone. He left a wife and two kids. The fact that he was near this --
BRENNAN: You believe somehow he's still here watching?
[BOOTH swallows hard.]
BOOTH: Yeah. You don't. I get that.
BRENNAN: I know you think he's a good man. That's -- that's enough for me.
[BRENNAN turns back to the scene. Camera pans down to BOOTH crouched in front of JAMES RICHARDS' grave.]
BRENNAN: Zack, I want pictures of all remaining tissue before he's moved.
[CUT to: JEFFERSONIAN MEDICO-LEGAL LAB. A television is tuned into the local news channel.]
FEMALE REPORTER: The unidentified suicide victim was found at Private Kent's grave this morning. Services had been planned to honor Kent on the one-year anniversary of his death in Iraq.
[GOODMAN moves into the scene as the camera pans out. Television report shows footage of KENT playing basketball.]
GOODMAN: Ah. I used to love watching Kent play. He could fly.
ZACK: He made 46.4% of his three point attempts in his last season.
GOODMAN: A basketball fan? I'm surprised, Mr. Addy.
[BRENNAN walks onto the platform, and turns off the television.]
BRENNAN: Zack, I'd like you to keep cleaning the bones.
ZACK: Did you see the game against North Carolina?
ZACK: Fifty-three points, and he grabbed 18 rebounds.
BRENNAN: Zack?
[BRENNAN gives him a pointed look, gesturing to the remains on the examination table as she puts latex gloves on.]
[ZACK, chastised, turns back to the remains, turning on a UV light.]
ZACK: Sorry. Cleaning.
GOODMAN: It's difficult knowing Kent will never play again. Makes the war so real.
HODGINS: Which is odd since it was all fiction that got us there in the first place.
GOODMAN: So you don't think we should stand up to tyrants?
HODGINS: Sure. [Smirks] I've been waitin' for the press to do that for three years now.
ANGELA: I can't believe you took the bait.
GOODMAN: Yeah. Me neither.
[Cell phone rings. GOODMAN winces as he pulls it out, rolls his eyes.]
GOODMAN: Oh! Press Office of Defense. Please I.D. him. This is the third call in an hour.
[GOODMAN answers the call, looking annoyed.]
GOODMAN: Hello? [Suddenly looks tired, annoyed and weary.] Yes. It's a pleasure to hear from you *again*, sir. Yes, we're very close.
ANGELA (offscreen): All right.
ANGELA: I fed his dentals, approximate age, height, along with the rough sketch I made from the tissue markers into the D.O.D. database.
[Camera changes, shows BOOTH swiping his card through the security reader and mounting the platform.]
HODGINS (offscreen): The victim had lamb about an hour before his death.
HODGINS: Of course, it's a little overcooked now.
BOOTH: Toasted himself. Who cares what he ate?
BRENNAN: Just doing our jobs, Booth.
HODGINS: Big boys telling you to sweep this one under the rug?
BOOTH: Just can the left-wing conspiracy, Hodgins.
BOOTH: Probably one of your nut-ball friends here on the table.
HODGINS: Don't think so. Fabric found at the scene was cotton with synthetic polymers. Dye: olive green.
[Camera shows BOOTH's face. ANGELA is in the background, still at the computer.
HODGINS (offscreen): This dude was wearing a military uniform.
HODGINS: He's one of yours, not mine.
ANGELA: Okay. His name is Devon Marshall.
[BOOTH turns to ANGELA. Scene changes to show BRENNAN looking towards ANGELA and BOOTH's direction.]
ANGELA: He served in the Guard with Kent.
BOOTH: What?
ANGELA: He was there in Mosul the night Kent was killed.
[Focus on computer screen, shows DEVON MARSHALL's official photo as well as his basic information.]
ZACK: He was protesting?
HODGINS: Marshall could've had a change of heart. It's not like support for the war is increasing.
BOOTH: It also could've been survivor's guilt. The guy who saved his life didn't make it. You can't imagine what it's like carrying that around.
[BRENNAN looks at BOOTH.]
BRENNAN: I don't think so, Booth. There's evidence of damage on the external auditory meatus...
[Camera pans to follow BRENNAN back to the remains on the table. Zoom into the skull, which shows a hole in the skull.]
BRENNAN: ...here and here.
BOOTH: I'm sorry, you know, but I left my phrase book at home.
ZACK: The opening in the skull where the auditory nerves feed into the brain.
[BOOTH looks and sounds exasperated.]
BOOTH: So we're talking ear hole?
[BRENNAN looks at BOOTH, looking perplexed and annoyed with him.]
BRENNAN: Yes.
BOOTH: They simplify these words for a reason, people.
BRENNAN: Something was jabbed into his ear.
BOOTH: [Slowly] Okay, that's clear. But why?
BRENNAN: There's scrapings within the cranium and marks on the inside of the parietal and occipital.
BRENNAN: Whatever was used was pushed completely through his skull.
HODGINS: Someone scrambled his brain, then set the fire so there'd be no tissue left to see what had been done.
BRENNAN: Exactly. Devon Marshall didn't die in the fire. He was murdered first.
[BRENNAN looks to BOOTH, camera pans to BOOTH's face staring in BRENNAN's direction, looking tense and grim.]
[CUE CREDITS.]
[FADE IN: WASHINGTON, D.C. in daylight. A black SUV is driving and makes a turn.]
BRENNAN (offscreen): Marshall was against the war.
[CUT to: BRENNAN and BOOTH in the SUV. BRENNAN is talking to BOOTH as she is on a cell phone. BOOTH stares ahead, driving.]
BRENNAN: They knew he'd look like a protester, so no one would expect murder.
BOOTH: As far as anyone knows, this is still a suicide.
BOOTH: I want the killer to think that he got away with it.
BOOTH: He's smart. I want the edge.
Br (into cellphone): Okay, Zack, then magnify the marks on the cranium. Call me if you match them to any kind of weapon.
[BRENNAN ends the call.]
BOOTH: Y'know, I'm just gonna be asking his mother a few questions. You could've just stayed back there and played with your bones.
BRENNAN (offscreen): I know. Just wanted to keep you company, that's all.
BOOTH: Company?
BRENNAN: Yeah. I'm trying to be more sociable. You know?
[BOOTH doesn't look convinced.]
BOOTH: Lousy liar.
BRENNAN: I just think inside, you're still military, Booth. You might be too close to this one. I just wanna make sure you stay objective.
BOOTH (offscreen): I know how to do my job.
BOOTH: I was doing it just fine long before I met you.
BRENNAN: You're angry.
BOOTH: [Annoyed] Well, because I have people all around me with opinions about the war who don't know what the hell they're talking about!
BRENNAN: I've been in Sudan, Rwanda. For two months I sifted through the wreckage of 9/11 trying to help the families of the victims.
BOOTH: All I'm saying is that this is just another case. That's all. It's just-- It's another case.
BRENNAN: [Looks away.] You're not such a great liar yourself.
[BOOTH sighs.]
BRENNAN: I'm your partner. Let me be your partner.
[CUT to: a framed photo of DEVON MARSHALL, presumably being held by BOOTH in his office.]
BOOTH: Did he, uh, have any troubles since he came back? Any personal problems?
[BOOTH hands the photo back to the red-suited figure in front of his desk.]
[Camera follows and focuses on an African-American woman, REGINA MARSHALL.]
REGINA. MARSHALL: Some days... [She sighs, looks down at the photo and then back up.] I didn't know him.
REGINA MARSHALL (offscreen): He used to be very outgoing, happy.
[BOOTH and BRENNAN are listening to REGINA MARSHALL, both studying her.]
REGINA MARSHALL: But since he came back, all he did was spend time with his little sister...
[Camera pans back to REGINA MARSHALL, and there is a younger African-American female sitting next to her. KIARA MARSHALL, DEVON's sister.]
REGINA MARSHALL: take her to school, help her with her homework.
KIARA MARSHALL: Said his job now is keeping me safe.
KIARA MARSHALL: But most of the time, it was like I was taking care of him.
[BRENNAN glances over at BOOTH. BOOTH looks back and focuses on DEVON'S SISTER again.]
KIARA MARSHALL (offscreen): It was like he was scared all the time.
BOOTH: Did he, uh-- Did he talk, you know, to anyone else he served with?
KIARA MARSHALL (offscreen): Just Jimmy. He talked to him when Jimmy wasn't in the hospital, the V.A.
REGINA MARSHALL (offscreen): When he was over there, he really believed in what he was doing.
REGINA MARSHALL: He wrote us all the time, saying how good he felt seeing the people free... Voting. 'Cause he remembered when his grandpa was a young man he didn't have the right to vote. [To Brennan] When can I have my son back? When can I lay him to rest?
BRENNAN: Soon, Mrs. Marshall.
BRENNAN: We just wanna make sure we have all the facts.
[REGINA MARSHALL and KIARA rise to leave. Camera focuses on BOOTH, who looks tired and grim. BRENNAN looks at him and sighs.]
[Camera does a wide pan shot of a large building.]
[V.A. HOSPITAL]
BRENNAN (offscreen): I know it's his sister, but it seems odd...
[Camera cuts to BOOTH and BRENNAN walking side to side down a hallway. A man using a cane walks by.]
BRENNAN: ...for a grown man to be spending so much time with a 13-year-old.
BOOTH: You come back from combat, it's still all over you.
BOOTH: You know, you wanna be around something pure, something innocent.
BOOTH: Adults, they want you to relive it all.
BOOTH: They, they want war stories like they're entertainment.
BRENNAN: It makes 'em feel better. If they hear you survived, then maybe war isn't so bad.
BRENNAN: John Wayne syndrome.
BOOTH: Don't tell me you're gonna trash the Duke?
BRENNAN: Wh- are you kidding? I love the Duke.
BOOTH: [Imitating] I wouldn't have guessed that one, little lady.
BRENNAN: Remember "Stagecoach?"
BRENNAN: [Imitating] "Listen, cowboy. Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."
BOOTH: What was that? The Duke? That was horrible.
BOOTH: That was like, Jerry Lewis.
BRENNAN: Was not.
[Camera cuts to a painting of a soldier saluting, and continues to pan out into a wide open common/rec room. Men are sitting together, talking.]
BOOTH (offscreen): Just a couple of quick questions, Jimmy.
[Camera continues to pan and shows, JIMMY, his wife, BOOTH and BRENNAN sitting around a coffee table on couches.]
JIMMY: I-I-I can't-- I can't talk about Devon now, man.
JIMMY: I-I just can't.
JIMMY'S WIFE: Why can't you just leave him alone? He's got enough troubles.
BOOTH: I understand, okay? It's-- readjusting takes time.
[Camera focuses on JIMMY'S WIFE.]
BOOTH (offscreen): It's different for every one of us.
JIMMY: It sure as hell was different for Devon. He's gone, man.
JIMMY: Son of a bitch should've never checked out on me like that.
JIMMY'S WIFE (offscreen): That's when Jimmy came back in here-- when he heard about Devon.
[Camera shows BOOTH and BRENNAN listening carefully.]
JIMMY'S WIFE: He was doing pretty good before that.
JIMMY: [To his wife] Baby, I can't hold a job yet. I can't even provide for my family.
BOOTH: Did you and Devon ever argue?
JIMMY: Oh, no. We, we had to stick together. That's what it was all about.
JIMMY'S WIFE: Devon would call, and Jimmy would take off to meet him. Middle of dinner, playing with Sarah-- It didn't matter. [Bitterly] Jimmy would go.
JIMMY: He needed me, Karen. [To Booth] Man, you served. You know what it's like when you get back. You got no one but the guys you served with.
BRENNAN: You and Devon would visit Corporal Kent's gravesite?
JIMMY: It never should've happened like that. Not to Kent. We would go and tell him that we-- we were sorry. We needed him to know.
BOOTH: I understand.
BRENNAN: I don't. How did it happen, Jimmy?
BOOTH: It doesn't matter, Bones.
BRENNAN: But, Booth --
[BOOTH begins to stand up.]
BOOTH: We'll see you later, okay Jimmy?
KAREN: At home. He'll be at home next time with me and the kids. Right, Jimmy?
[JIMMY doesn't answer. BOOTH pats him on the shoulder as he and BRENNAN move to leave the V.A. Hospital.]
[Cut to: BOOTH and BRENNAN walking down the hallway.]
BOOTH: Jimmy loved that guy. He didn't kill him.
BRENNAN: Now you're a mind reader.
BOOTH: Maybe. You want me to guess your weight?
BRENNAN: You do and you could loose a tooth. Booth, you've gotta stay objective. Jimmy was one of the last people to see Devon alive. He admitted they went to the cemetary. Jimmy could've killed him.
BOOTH: Oh, here we go. I thought you didn't like speculation.
BRENNAN: I don't. That's why I took this. Cigarette butt [pulls an object out of her pocket]. See if we can pull any DNA from it and match it to anything he left on Devon.
BOOTH: Right. If you got what you need, then why are you giving me such grief?
[BRENNAN puts a restraining hand on BOOTH's arm.]
BRENNAN: Because I thought you could've been a little tougher in there.
BOOTH: I'm tough.
BRENNAN: Most of the time.
BOOTH: [Chuckles] Do you always have to get the last word in?
BRENNAN: I like to, yeah.
[BOOTH is about to say something, but is interrupted.]
MAN: Booth!
[Camera pans out to a man in a wheelchair, looking pleased to see BOOTH.]
MAN: Son of a bitch.
BOOTH: Hey, Hank! Hey!
[HANK pulls him down and they hug, patting each other on the back.]
BOOTH: How the hell are ya, man?
HANK: Great, just got some new wheels.
BOOTH: Sweet ride, man. Hank Lutrell, Dr. Temperance Brennan.
HANK: The bone lady.
[They shake hands. BRENNAN has a wry look on her face.]
BRENNAN: That's me.
Hank: I heard you two were working together. Booth and I were in the same unit in Kosovo.
HANK (offscreen): Hey you gotta come over for dinner. Janie and the kids keep asking about you.
BOOTH: Yeah, I'd love to. I'll call. We'll uh, make it a date, okay?
HANK: Great. I gotta roll. I gotta be in court at 3:00.
BOOTH (offscreen): Yeah.
HANK: They can't start without the judge.
[BOOTH pats him on the shoulder as HANK wheels away.]
BOOTH: I'll call.
HANK: Hey, call me or I'm gonna kick your ass.
BOOTH: [Sighs] Uh-huh.
BRENNAN: What happened to him?
[BOOTH looks exasperated and irritated.]
BOOTH: [Curtly] He got hurt.
[BOOTH walks away and BRENNAN stares after him for a second before following.]
[Cut to: LAB INTERIOR. Close-up of the bones laid out on the table.]
ZACK (offscreen): There are signs of additional damage on C-1 at the base of the skull.
ZACK: This mark couldn't have come from the assault inside the cranium.
[Camera pans out to show ZACK, ANGELA and HODGINS in the room, also examining the bones.]
ANGELA: [Exasperated] I just think that you should be aware that Booth went through something over there.
HODGINS: So I'm not supposed to tell the truth?
ANGELA: Truth? It's *opinion* Jack.
ZACK: [Frowns] Looks like a dimple in the bone. Could be genetic.
HODGINS: There were no W.M.D.'s. That's the truth.
ANGELA: Every major intelligence agency in the world thought there were.
[HODGINS looks amused and stubborn.]
ZACK (offscreen): We should get magnification of the area to determine what else could've caused it.
HODGINS: Are you defending what's going on over there?
ANGELA: No. Mistakes were made, *obviously*.
HODGINS: Yeah! Like establishing military bases over there instead of investing a fraction of what this war costs into alternative energy projects.
ANGELA: Nothing is that simple.
HODGINS: To me it is! We're ruled by the corporate oligarchy. Face it.
[ANGELA looks exasperated and clearly unamused; ZACK continues his analysis.]
ZACK: There's also some discoloration. You should do some scrapings to see what it might be.
ANGELA: [Sighs] You want to make the world a better place, Jack? Try shutting your yap long enough to hear something other than the sound of your own voice.
[ANGELA walks away.]
HODGINS: [Surprised, calls after her.] Hey, where are you going?
ZACK: The scrapings?
HODGINS: Huh?
HODGINS: Oh, yeah. I thought we were having a good time. [Scoffs]
[Cut to: NATIONAL GUARD MILITARY BASE - OFFICE. COL. SHORE stands up; BRENNAN, CPT. FULLER and BOOTH follow.]
COL. SHORE: It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Dr. Brennan. You've helped us with some casualties that we never thought we'd be able to I.D.
BRENNAN: Someday, maybe I won't be needed.
COL. SHORE: That's what we all hope. CAPTAIN FULLER, give Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan all the help they need.
CPT. FULLER: [Snaps to attention.] Yes sir. [Gestures for BOOTH and BRENNAN to move ahead.] Please.
[BOOTH and BRENNAN move to sit in front of CPT. FULLER's desk.)
BOOTH: So uh, this is your third tour in Iraq, Captain?
CPT. FULLER: Yes. A National Guard unit can be difficult to lead. Nothing against the Guard, but usually they're inexperienced, shortchanged on equipment.
CPT. FULLER: But Kent's unit, they were one of the best I ever had.
BOOTH: And Devon Marshall?
CPT. FULLER: Marshall was a good soldier. But after he came back, he seemed to turn against the military. Saw us as the problem over there. You must've known men like that.
BOOTH: Some people just aren't cut out for it.
BOOTH: Like Jimmy Martin.
CPT. FULLER: Jimmy's been having some troubles, but he still supports us.
BOOTH: Both Marshall and Jimmy, uh, seemed like they had trouble getting over Corporal Kent's death. Any idea why it was so tough for 'em?
BOOTH (offscreen): Tougher than usual.
[CPT. FULLER looks at BOOTH. BOOTH stares back knowingly. CPT. FULLER looks away.]
CPT. FULLER: We were on a patrol in Mosul.
Cpt (offscreen): Intel reports indicated there were insurgents in this neighbourhood.
CPT. FULLER: We were canvassing the area.
[Camera whites out and fades back in to show a SOLDIER sitting in the driver's side of a military vehicle.]
CPT. FULLER (voiceover): PRIVATE CAMPBELL, she stayed in the Humvee as the unit headed towards a small house up the street.
[Five SOLDIERS climb out of the military HUMVEE, armed and checking their equipment.]
CPT. FULLER (voiceover): There were five of us -- Kent, Marshall, Martin, Lefferts, myself.
[They move in a line towards the house. CPT. FULLER stops and gestures for two soldiers to go around.]
CPT. FULLER: It was a small house -- two rooms. I looked through the slat and saw three insurgents in the back room, one a woman.
[Camera shows fleeting images of a man with a gun slung on his shoulder, another man with a gun standing next to the woman.]
CPT. FULLER: They men had AK-47s. I sent KENT and LEFFERTS to cover the back so no one could run.
[KENT and LEFFERTS quickly round the corner, guns ready. KENT looks back and LEFFERT nods tensely. CUT back to CPT. FULLER, MARSHALL and MARTIN at the front door.]
CPT. FULLER: I was getting the others into position when one of the insurgents must've spotted Kent.
[FLASH to KENT peeking into the door and FLASH back to FULLER's group.]
CPT. FULLER: I heard the pop, pop, pop of the enemy AK-47.
[KENT comes barging through the door, gun raised and firing into the room.
CPT. FULLER: Kent made entry to take them out before they could get to the rest of us. Lefferts followed him in while we were kicking in the front door.
[LEFFERTS fires at the insurgents, quickly shadowing KENT.]
CPT. FULLER: When we got to them, Kent had already been killed taking out the insurgents.
[CPT. FULLER, MARSHALL and MARTIN kick in the door and move quickly, making sure that other insurgents were not present. They stop at the entrance to the room; LEFFERTS looks up as he applies pressure to KENT's wounds.]
CPT. FULLER: Sight like that stays with you. Two part-times like that, I guess it was too much.
[Camera whites out and cuts back to present time.]
CPT. FULLER: But whatever Marshall was trying to do desecrating Kent's grave, Kent saved the unit. Marshall can't take that away.
BOOTH: [Flatly] Devon Marshall was murdered, captain.
CPT. FULLER: God.
BOOTH: Any bad blood between him and Jimmy Martin?
CPT. FULLER: Not that I know of.
BRENNAN: We only have the after-action summary of the incident. I'd like to have the full report, Kent's autopsy, the photographs you took of the scene and any other evidence that exists.
CPT. FULLER: You'll have whatever you need.
[Cut to: BRENNAN and BOOTH walking out of CPT. FULLER's office.]
BRENNAN: I thought we were keeping the murder to ourselves.
BOOTH: He's the company commander, Bones. He's a decorated officer.
BRENNAN: And you think a soldier wouldn't kill someone?
BOOTH: Huh, and suddenly it's your job to question the motives of everyone who served?
BRENNAN: No, it's my job to solve a murder. Yours too. [Opens the car door and climbs in.] Treat him like you would anyone else involved in an investigation. You're not in the military anymore, Booth.
BOOTH: [Irritated] I will find out who killed Devon Marshall. That's all you need to know.
[CUT TO: LAB - BRENNAN'S OFFICE - Camera pans to show ANGELA leaning on BRENNAN's desk.]
ANGELA: How's Booth doing?
BRENNAN: He's angry. I think I said some things.
ANGELA: Sweetie --
BRENNAN: [Defensively] He wasn't being objective. I just had to get him to focus.
ANGELA: You have to think before you speak.
BRENNAN: Why? I can say anything to you without thinking about it first.
ANGELA: Yeah. Men aren't like us. They're much more fragile and needy. The fact that they think *we're* the needy ones is a testament to our superiority.
BRENNAN: [Grins, amused.] Yeah. I guess I forgot.
[ZACK walks in.]
ZACK: Dr. Brennan, the military delivered all the paperwork you requested. [Offscreen] Private Kent's autopsy report is careless and incomplete. There was no incison, no X-rays. [Camera turns to show Angela looking down, dismayed] So there's no way to confirm the amount of bullets he was hit with.
BRENNAN: The M.E. marked seven entry points but the report says there were only six bullets.
ZACK: I could've done better with a Crayola.
BOOTH: [Throws the folder down] Medical reports are done on the fly in combat situations. That doesn't mean that they're falsified.
BRENNAN: Booth, the report is a mess. [Turns to Angela] Ange, I'd like you to input these photographs and enhance them for as much detail as possible.
[HODGINS walks onto the platform.]
HODGINS: I couldn't salvage much flesh from Marshall's ear but I'm sending anything useful up to Pathology, see if they can match anything with the DNA they pulled from Jimmy Martin's cigarette. [Faces Angela] Were you really mad before?
ANGELA: Why? Because of your strident, paranoid ramblings?
HODGINS: I'm guessing mad. Fair enough. Can I at least give you some material to read?
ANGELA: [Doesn't look up at Hodgins] You could try, but you'd walk funny for a week.
HODGINS: [Cowed] I'd better, uh, work on these scrapings for Zack.
BRENNAN: This is a murder. We know Devon would visit Kent's grave. Jimmy said to apologize. He knew something about Kent, Booth, something these reports will never tell us.
BOOTH: [Furtively looks around, then looks at Brennan] So what do you wanna do?
BRENNAN: I wanna exhume Charles Kent.
BOOTH: [Incredulous] Exhume a *war hero*? Do you have *any* idea what you're asking?
BRENNAN: [Stares back at Booth squarely, determined.] It's the only way we'll really know what happened to him.
BOOTH: The report.
BRENNAN: Which is sloppy and incomplete.
BOOTH: He is supposed to be honored this week, Bones, not humiliated.
BRENNAN: Doesn't Devon Marshall deserve as much respect and honor as Kent?
BOOTH: [Shakes his head] I'm sorry Bones, I can't let you do this.
BRENNAN: I'm not asking for your permission Booth. I can get the court order on my own. I was just kind of hoping for your support. [Walks off.]
[BOOTH stares as she leaves, turns his head and looks tired and conflicted.]
[CUT to: ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETARY - CPL. CHARLES KENT'S GRAVE. A dirt-covered but ornate coffin is lifted out as BOOTH, BRENNAN, BRADLEY KENT, TINA KENT and two anonymous soldiers look on.]
[Camera moves to MRS. KENT, who looks heartbroken and angry as she walks over to BOOTH and BRENNAN.]
TINA KENT: Agent Booth, I'm Tina Kent.
BOOTH: Listen ma'am, I'm very sor- [Cut off as TINA KENT slaps him across the face.]
[BRALDEY KENT leads his wife away.]
[FADE TO BLACK]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[FADE IN: LAB - MORGUE. A bird's eye-view of Cpl. Kent's body on a gurney; the crew surrounding the table. BOOTH stands away, examining Cpl. Kent's belongings laid on the next table.]
[BOOTH picks up one of the medals, taking it in.]
BOOTH: You know, this is a Silver Star. [In the background, Hodgins and Brennan look over towards him. Booth clenches the medal in his hand.]
BRENNAN: I know how much you hate this, Booth.
BOOTH: [Swallows hard.] Let's just get this over with, all right?
BRENNAN: [To Zack] Okay, I want a full set of X-rays, and a clear picture of all fracture patterns. [To Hodgins] And a tox screen and analysis of any particulates in the wound.
GOODMAN: D.O.D. wants this done fast. They want this out of the press as soon as possible.
BRENNAN: [To Goodman} It will take the time it takes to do properly. [To Angela] Can you run scenarios on the angles and the entry order of the shots?
ANGELA: Yeah. [Leafs through photos] I should be able to give you something.
HODGINS: [Turns to Booth, starts to ramble] I know we don't see eye to eye on a lot of stuff because you know, politically, I think we live in an Orwellian nightmare due to --
BOOTH: [Crosses his arms and tensely interrupts] What-- what are you trying to say?
HODGINS: Just-- I'm sorry, man. I reall am. [Walks past him]
[Camera lingers on the carefully-folded uniform and the medals laid out on top of it, and Booth gives it a final glance as he turns towards Brennan.]
BRENNAN: I'll need X-rays of L-1 through four, and the left scapula.
BOOTH: Uh, he's just a kid.
BRENNAN: It's always the young. Anthropologists have theorized that wars break out when there's an increase in the population of unmarried men under the age of 25.
[BOOTH shoots her a blank stare.]
BRENNAN: [Awkward, apologetic.] I'm sorry. I need to create a distance from the victim. It's how I deal. I-- I didn't mean--
BOOTH: [Tense, uncomfortable] Just, you know, do what you have to do. I'm gonna go do my thing. [Quickly walks off.]
[BRENNAN stares after him, looking unsure, but even more unsure as to what to say.]
[CUT to: INTERROGATION ROOM. Jimmy Martin is pacing the room as Booth sits in the chair, watching him.]
JIMMY: I-I-I should've been with Kent, man. May-maybe I could've shielded him, you know? But, but the captain, he put me and Devon on the front door. And by the time we got to Kent, it-it was too late.
BOOTH: What did you see from where you were?
JIMMY: Oh, no. [Sits down] Come on, man. I don't need to go through that again, okay? The captain told you. You-you read the report.
BOOTH: [Leans in, looking earnest] Come on Jimmy. Please. All right? This is for Kent and Devon.
[Jimmy shakes his head for a few seconds, but looks up at Booth.]
JIMMY: It was the first action we saw. Man, nobody was ready.
[Camera whites out and fades in; five soldiers walk away from the HUMVEE. Quick cut to the soldiers standing by the front door.]
JIMMY (voiceover): We were outside the front door, sweatin' in the heat.
[Camera cuts back to the interrogation room.]
JIMMY: Just waitin'.
BOOTH: What's the first thing you heard?
JIMMY: First? It was the pop, pop, pop of the enemy AK. And all hell broke loose. [Booth looks at him oddly, leans back.]
[Camera cuts back to the soldiers as they burst through the front door.]
JIMMY (voiceover): We broke down the door and made entry. [Soldiers moving in, camera shows quick shots of the dead Iraqis.] Those people, the Iraqis, they were already dead when we got to the backroom. Kent too, Lefferts standing over him all freaked.
[Kent lies on the ground, his eyes closed; camera cuts to Cpt. Fuller, Marshall and Martin standing there, looking shocked and dismayed at Lefferts, who looks stunned as he stares back at them, still pushing on Kent's chest. Marshall slowly lowers his gun, follwed by Martin.]
JIMMY (voiceover): We were all freaked, man. These were real people, you know?
BOOTH: [Scrutinizes Jimmy] Did you see 'em firing on Kent?
JIMMY: No. But like I said, it took time to kick in the door and push through to the backroom. If I'd got there faster, I-- [Pauses] There was nothing I could do, you know? I swear.
[CUT to: LAB - MORGUE. The X-ray of Kent's chest is displayed on the monitor. Camera pans to the side to show BRENNAN and ZACK as they go through the X-rays.]
ZACK: The X-rays show that six of the bullets are still in the remains.
BRENNAN: I need to see which entries were fatal. Anything more on Devon Marshall?
ZACK: We're still working on the bone dimple on his neck.
BRENNAN: All right. Set up a tray so we can start extracting bullets.
ANGELA: [Walks over to Hodgins, but doesn't look at him] Did you find anything in the wounds that might've changed the trajectory of the bullets?
HODGINS: [Looks discomfited] Not yet. Just residual sesquioxide, in silico accumulation. A little decayed organic matter. Probably food that was on the floor. So--
ANGELA: Thank you. [Turns to leave]
HODGINS: Look, Angela. [She stops and turns back.] Look, I run on sometimes, I know. I guess I think if I yell loud enough, maybe someone will listen.
ANGELA: Well you have to be careful people don't go deaf. [Sighs] You know, what you did for Booth before... showing him you understood, that was good. Everyone hears something like that.
[ANGELA gives him a small smile as she walks away. HODGINS watches her before turning back, looking bashful, please and contemplative.]
[CUT to: INTERROGATION ROOM. BOOTH is sitting across from a woman. This is PRIVATE CAMPBELL, the driver of the Humvee that night in Mosul.]
CAMPBELL: I joined the Guard 'cause they helped pay for medical school. All my life I wanted to be a doctor. It's all I ever wanted. [Looks rueful] I never thought I'd get sent overseas, much less Iraq.
BOOTH: Your service record is exemplary.
CAMPBELL: I survived. That's my achievement.
BOOTH: Look, I'm sorry to do this, Miss Campbell. I'm just trying to reconstruct the night of the firefight.
CAMPBELL: [Sighs, looks up and then back to Booth] I was parked in the alley. The Captain told me to stay in the Humvee. Women aren't supposed to engage in direct combat.
[Camera flashes white and fades into the scene of Cpt. Fuller climbing out of the Humvee, the other four following him.]
CAMPBELL (voiceover): He took the unit to the house. [The soldiers are advancing up the street carefully] The street was quiet. I was waiting. [Cuts to Campbell sitting alone in the driver's seat.] Then I heard the pop, pop, pop of the AK-47. [Cuts the interrogation room to Booth, who stares at her intensely.] Then Kent and Lefferts firing...the captain and the others breaking down the door. Then everything stopped.
[Quickly cuts to a lone soldier running.]
CAMPBELL (voiceover): It went quiet again. Then the captain came back, told me Kent had been hit. [Camera shows Cpt. Fuller talking to Campbell, no sound. Campbell runs out of the car, carrying a medkit.] He knew I was a med student, so he sent me in while he radioed for a medevac. [Cpt. Fuller is rapidly talking into a radio.]
[Campbell quickly walks in and kneels next to Kent. Lefferts is on his other side, his hands still on Kent's chest.]
CAMPBELL (voiceover): As an intern, I've seen a lot of horrible things. [Campbell listens for breathing, checks his pulse but finds nothing as she stares back up, looking bleak.] But when it's your friend... [Quick cut back into the interrogation room] someone you serve with--
BOOTH: [Quietly] Yeah.
[Another man is sitting in the chair. LEFFERTS is wearing a suit, looking discomfited.]
LEFFERTS: Been in the Guard for years. Didn't think I'd ever get called up again. I mean, I'm 45. There's just not enough men for this mess.
BOOTH: Look, Mr. Lefferts, if we could just-- [Booth pushes away from the wall and sits in the chair.]
[LEFFERTS looks away for a long moment, seemingly trying to get his nerve. Closes his eyes and starts to talk.]
LEFFERTS: We were 22 hours into a 12-hour detail. You try that when it's 110 degrees out. [Sighs] They called me Dad 'cause I was the old guy. [Cuts to Cpt. Fuller signalling Lefferts and Kent to go around back.] [Voiceover] Kent was a kid. Captain sent us around back. I was supposed to look out for him. [Kent moves in front of Lefferts, alert, gun raised. Lefferts scans around as they round the corner.] It got like I really was the damn kid's father.
LEFFERTS: Kent was gung-ho, you know? [Cuts back to the interrogation room] Would've fought the whole damn war himself. Heh. So he sees something move inside. Something shines off the light. [The Iraqi woman walks into the backroom.] A barrel, he says. And then we hear people moving around. Somebody coming towards us from inside. [Bright lights flash in the small window of the door.] Then somebody fires.
BOOTH: What did it sound like-- the shots? [Looks at him intently]
LEFFERTS: It was like a pop, pop, pop. [Cut to Kent kicking the door in, firing as a man moves into his line of sight.] [Voiceover] Then Kent rushes in, sees the first guy, blows him away. He wasn't supposed to go in by himself. So I rush in. [Lefferts moves in, firing his gun. The Iraqi man jerks and falls to the ground.] I take out the last guy. And then it all stops. And when it does, Kent is lying there. [Lefferts gapes and then crouches next to Kent's body.]
[Cut back to the interrogation room. Lefferts is looking horrified, reliving those moments.]
LEFFERTS: I-I-I can't believe it! I'm-I'm-I'm staring down at Kent, and-- [Cut to Cpt. Fuller and the others coming into the back room] And then the others, they ask, "What happened, Dad? Dad, what happened?" [Lefferts breathes hard, cut back into the interrogation room.]
LEFFERTS: [Moaning] And I'm-- And I'm staring down at Kent like he really is my kid. I'm a lawyer! [Sighs] A damn lawyer. I shouldn't have been there. *None* of us should've been there.
[BOOTH continues to stare at him, a grim look on his face.]
[CUT to: LAB - PLATFORM. BRENNAN is working with a piece of evidence under a microscope.]
BOOTH: Their stories don't line up.
BRENNAN: You said the events seemed consistent.
BOOTH: Exactly. We got a group of traumatized soldiers who all managed to say the same words to describe the first shots. "Pop, pop, pop." It was rehearsed.
[BRENNAN looks at him, curious.]
BOOTH: They're hiding something.
BRENNAN: That makes sense. [Pulls out a bullet from one of the entry wounds, squinting at it.] There's something Devon knew about.
BOOTH: And someone else didn't want to get out.
[BRENNAN pulls out another bullet, studies it and places it in a tray.]
ZACK: That's all of them.
BRENNAN: The way the blood pooled around the bullets these three were the ones that killed him.
BOOTH: [Looks at the screen with the fatal bullets displayed] These rounds aren't from an AK-47. [Gestures to the other tray] These are.
BRENNAN: Well, they didn't kill him. Circulation had stopped by the time these bullets hit.
BOOTH: Wait. The ones that killed him are from an M-14. [Pauses in realization] Those are from our weapons.
BRENNAN: [Knowingly] Friendly fire.
BOOTH: Oh, God.
BRENNAN: Booth--
BOOTH: [Interrupts] You know what? Let's just find out who did this. All right? Not all personnel in a unit carry the same weapons. We have to find out who was issued the M-14.
[BRENNAN nods and looks down while BOOTH looks aside, arms crossed.]
[CUT to: WASHINGTON, D.C. - STREETS. A quick look of the WASHINGTON MONUMENT]
[CUT to: INTERIOR - BOOTH'S SUV.]
BOOTH: Lefferts was the only one issued an M-14.
BRENNAN: So Kent runs into the house firing. The insurgents fire back. Lefferts follows Kent in. Lefferts is shooting, and he kills Kent.
BOOTH: Devon wanted to tell the truth, but Lefferts, he's got a succesful legal practice. Too much to lose. Lefferts kills Devon. Son of a--
[CUT to: OFFICE. Lefferts is dead, hanging lifelessly from the ceiling by the cord wrapped around his neck. He's still dressed in the shirt and tie he was wearing in the interrogation room. Camera pans away to show local police and forensics people crowding by the door.]
[Camera then pans onto BOOTH, staring at the dead man stonily. BRENNAN walks into the room behind him.]
BOOTH: [Holds up a piece of papers and reads.] "I shot Kent that night. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. But I can't live with it anymore."
BRENNAN: His assistant says he was out of town the night that Devon Marshall died. He couldn't have killed him. The murderer's still out there, Booth.
[CUT to: Black.]
[FADE IN: J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING - BOOTH'S OFFICE. BRENNAN is sitting in front of his desk.]
BRENNAN: Devon Marshall was too badly burned. Hodgins couldn't get enough useable tissue to match the DNA from Jimmy Martin's cigarette.
BOOTH: The one person who had a motive killed himself, but he couldn't have killed Marshall.
BRENNAN: The M.E. confirmed suicide?
BOOTH: Yeah. Plus, no one was in or out of the office. [Hands her a folder] He uh, definitely killed himself.
BRENNAN: [Paging through the file] But we still have no idea who killed Devon Marshall. [Knocking]
BRADLEY KENT: Agent Booth? [Booth and Brennan look towards the door.]
BOOTH: Mr. Kent. [Stands] This is Dr. Brennan.
BRADLEY KENT: I know.
BRENNAN: I'm sorry I exhumed your son, sir. But we needed--
BRADLEY KENT: No, please. Thank you. It's important for us to find out how he died.
BOOTH: You wanna sit?
BRADLEY KENT: No. I-I just wanted to ask. There's so many conflicting stories. Now the captain says he can't talk to us. I just wanted to ask you to find the truth. My wife and I can't live not knowing what happened to Charlie. We need the truth.
BOOTH: Of course.
[BRADLEY KENT backs out and leaves the office.]
[CUT to: NATIONAL GUARD BASE - EXTERIOR. CPT. FULLER is walking with BOOTH and BRENNAN.]
CPT. FULLER: I can't talk to the family. There's an ongoing investigation.
BRENNAN: Convenient.
BOOTH: Bones.
BRENNAN: What?
BOOTH: And you had no idea this was a friendly fire incident?
CPT. FULLER: If I had, don't you think I would've reported it?
BRENNAN: Well, there are just so many inconsistencies in the report, captain, it seems like--
CPT. FULLER: [Cuts her off] You're good at your job, Dr. Brennan, but you don't know the first thing about combat. We were taking fire. One of my men was killed. The area wasn't secured. Do you think I'm counting bullets and drawing pictures?
CPT. FULLER: [To Booth] You've been through it. Does it ever go the way you want it to? Is it ever the way it should be in combat?
BOOTH: We have to ask these questions. It's a murder investigation. You understand that?
CPT. FULLER: And I'll cooperate any way I can. I don't want any more of my men to die either. Now, if there's nothing else-- [Turns and leaves. BOOTH and BRENNAN share a look.]
[CUT to: a close-up of a bullet wound with jagged items protruding from the skin.]
HODGINS: Got something. A splinter pattern. Particles of wood were blown back into one of the exit wounds from the AK-47s.
BRENNAN: The missing bullet.
ZACK: But he wasn't leaning against wood when he was shot. He was in the middle of the room.
[Image on the screen changes as Hodgins goes through them.]
HODGINS: No. He was on the *floor*.
BRENNAN: Someone stood over him and squeezed off some rounds from an AK-47 after he was already dead.
ZACK: The missing round passed through him and into the wood floor.
ANGELA: Yeah, but all the insurgents had already been killed and they were the only ones with AK-47s.
HODGINS: I hate to say conspiracy, but, my peeps, we've got a conspiracy. [Grins]
BRENNAN: Someone wanted to cover up the friendly fire incident by making it look like he was killed by the insurgents.
[Camera is on Hodgins, who looks incredulously gleeful at this news.]
BRENNAN: Angela, enhance all the pictures of the aftermath so we can see body positions, bullet holes, damage to the house. I wanna reconstruct what happened that night.
[CUT to: a waiter bringing out dishes from the kitchen; pan out to see BOOTH and HANK sitting at a table.]
HANK: Look at the two of us-- you with a badge, me in the courtroom. Both trying to find justice, eh?
BOOTH: That's why we fought, right?
HANK: That's what they told us.
BOOTH: What? You don't believe it?
HANK: Sure I do. You don't look like you do. [Groans] You're not gambling again, are ya?
BOOTH: No, man. No, I've been good. You know, I've been going to my meetings. I haven't even played a game of Monopoly.
[HANK leans in.]
BOOTH: Listen, Hank. Um, I got this case. Uh, Charles Kent. [Swallows] It's friendly fire.
HANK: Oh, God.
BOOTH: Yeah. Covered up. Two of the members of the squad are dead. One murdered. You know, whatever went down must've been pretty ugly.
[HANK shakes his head.]
BOOTH: You know, Hank-- heh, you know what, uh-- You know what we did--
HANK: Don't go there, Booth.
BOOTH: Was it worth it? I mean, look at you.
HANK: You saved my life. I got a great family because of you.
BOOTH: Yeah. But I mean, why was it always a secret?
HANK: We were given a choice. They always gave us a choice.
BOOTH: Yeah, but that last time--
HANK: Well, you knew what was at stake.
BOOTH: Yeah. Yeah. [Nods]
HANK: [Leans in closer] You never talked to anybody about it? [Booth shakes his head] You've got to. How about your girlfriend? That doctor?
BOOTH: Nah. No, she's-- You know. She's just my partner. [Quickly] You know, look, I got work. I should go.
HANK: [Bemused] Sure. Uh, we're on for Sunday dinner, right?
BOOTH: Yeah.
HANK: Okay.
BOOTH: See you Sunday. [Walks off]
[HANK turns to watch him leave, a look of concern on his face.]
[CUT to: ANGELA at the computer, the photos from Cpl. Kent's death on the screen. BRENNAN leans in to see the pictures.]
BRENNAN: I wanna see all the walls. Can you scan them for bullet holes? [Computer beeps] Okay, single out the ones that came from Lefferts' weapon. This is hard for Booth. He's idealistic.
ANGELA: Well, it's nice to know somebody that wants to keep honor and responsibility alive.
BRENNAN: I feel like Booth thinks I'm taking that away from him. [Looks down at the files] Okay, it says Insurgent "A" opened fire when he saw Kent and Kent took him out. Let's see "A" again.
[Photo changes to the Iraqi man with his hands held out, gun in his lap.]
ANGELA: You're just doing your job. He knows that.
BRENNAN: I guess. [Frowns] Magnify his hands.
ANGELA: What are you looking for?
[Computer zooms into the photo, focusing on the dead man's hands.]
BRENNAN: Well his hands are splayed like he was shielding himself from the rounds coming at him. Cadaveric spasm. The muscles became rigid when he died. He might not have been holding that weapon.
ANGELA: What do you mean?
BRENNAN: Show me Insurgent "B."
[Photo changes to a man lying face-down on the carpet, gun by his side.]
BRENNAN: [Sighs] I tell Booth we're on the same side. [Flips the page] I'm not the one who's disillusioning him. It's my findings. But when I look at him, I-- [Sighs] I don't know what else I can do.
ANGELA: I do.
BRENNAN: Ange.
ANGELA: [Huffs] As a friend, Brennan.
BRENNAN: Yeah, that whole "friends with benefits" thing, that's-- that's not happening.
ANGELA: I'm not talking about that. I'm-- I'm talking about being there for him. Knowing when a simple touch is enough.
BRENNAN: Maybe I can write him a note. I can be very articulate on paper. [Angela concedes defeat] Zoom in. Okay, magnify the blood smear.
[Computer zooms in on the blood smeared on the carpet.]
BRENNAN: I mean, you can see by the smear he was moved, turned, that gun placed next to him. Okay, show me "C." [This photo shows Kent lying in the foreground, dead. Behind him lies a woman, lying on her side.]
ANGELA: Okay, this is the third insurgent woman, about 40, holding the unexploded grenade in her hand.
BRENNAN: Magnify her torso.
ANGELA: Wait, she's lying on a dinner plate.
BRENNAN: The serving spoon is next to her. She'd been holding it when she was shot.
ANGELA: And a grenade? [Looks skeptical]
[BOOTH walks into the office.]
BOOTH: Found anything yet?
BRENNAN: Yeah. [Turns to face him] None of these people were armed when Kent went in there. All of the weapons were plated on them after they died. Fuller's unit killed an unarmed family.
[BOOTH and ANGELA are stunned.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[FADE IN: LAB - ANGELA'S OFFICE, direct continuation from the previous scene.]
BOOTH: Kent shot unarmed people?
BRENNAN: They look like a family.
ANGELA: About to sit down to dinner.
BRENNAN: Were there any other questionable operations with this unit?
BOOTH: None. They served another six months without incident.
ANGELA: How could something like this have happened?
BOOTH: Woman could've heard 'em. She was on her way to the backdoor. Kent probably thought the spoon was a weapon.
BRENNAN: A spoon?
BOOTH: It's dark. It happens. [Flash to the serving spoon held in the woman's hand.] He's inexperienced. He's scared out of his mind. You only have an instant to make a choice. Kent probably thought he was being attacked so he burst through the door.
[Flash to Kent bursting into the house.]
BRENNAN: From the spray pattern, he was shooting as he entered. [Cut to the muzzle of Kent's gun flashing, woman and man falling to the ground, shot.] He must've killed the woman first, the others as they rushed to the woman to help.
BOOTH: He probably thought they were attacking too. Lefferts hears all the firing. He goes in. [Cut to Lefferts coming through the door, gun raised.] Kent turns. Weapon's still pointed. [Cut to Kent turning, gun at the ready. Lefferts fires. Kent goes down.] Lefferts shoots, killing Kent. It all happens in seconds.
ANGELA: But if Kent turned to face him--
BOOTH: It doesn't matter. I mean, after all the shooting all Lefferts sees is a weapon pointing right at him. He just reacted.
ANGELA: God.
BOOTH: Yeah.
ANGELA: So this was more than a friendly fire incident.
BOOTH: [Nodding] A hell of a lot more.
[CUT to: BOOTH bursting through a door.]
BOOTH: You son of a bitch! [Grabs CPT. FULLER and slams him against the cabinet] You covered up the whole thing!
CPT. FULLER: Stand down, Agent Booth!
BOOTH: They were innocent!
CPT. FULLER: I don't know what you've heard, but my report clearly states--
BOOTH: We've taken your report apart! We have the *facts*, Captain! Your squad blew away a family of innocents!
CPT. FULLER: Kent! Kent did! [Booth releases him] A kid so green he never should have been there in the first place. Do you know what that town was like? Our guys were being blown up by I.E.D.'s every day while we were trying to build hospitals and schools. A mistake was made. No one likes it. But you know what happens. If it got out what we did that neighbourhood, the whole damn city would've exploded.
CPT. FULLER: What would you have done? Would you have let the city burn? This can't come out, Agent Booth. Don't make this any harder with an ugly story like this.
BOOTH: I don't know what you're fighting for, Fuller, but it sure as hell wasn't my country. [Pulls out handcuffs] We'll start with obstruction of justice.
CPT. FULLER: [Leers] You have no jurisdiction on this base.
MAN (offscreen): But we do, Captain, and we're cooperating fully with Agent Booth. You will not disgrace us, Captain. You will be held accountable.
[BOOTH turns CPT. FULLER around and cuffs him harshly.]
[CUT to: JEFFERSONIAN INSTITUTION - EXTERIOR.]
BOOTH: Devon Marshall's killer is still out there. Fuller placed some confiscated weapons on the Iraqis, pressured the others to keep quiet, but he still has an alibi for the night of Marshall's murder.
BRENNAN: Zack found some discoloration on Devon's vertebrae. It was caused by residue from pethidine, an opiate affectionately known as Demerol.
BRENNAN: Someone jabbed a syringe into his neck, creating the indentation in the bone. He would've been unconscious in seconds. That's why the instrument could've been placed in his ear without a struggle.
ZACK: It was a nine-inch surgical curette like this. [Holds up the item.]
BRENNAN: So we're looking for someone with access to surgical tools and prescription drugs.
BOOTH: Someone the army sent to medical school.
[CUT to: CLINIC - INTERIOR. PVT. CAMPBELL places a band-aid on a young girl's cut on her shoulder.]
CAMPBELL: All done.
[BOOTH, BRENNAN and Army soldiers walk in. CAMPBELL looks up and is not surprised, but resigned. BOOTH and BRENNAN look expectant. CAMPBELL looks down, nods to herself and looks back up.]
CAMPBELL: He was gonna tell. I-- It's like the war was still going on. I was just trying to survive.
[CUT to: ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETARY - GROUNDS.]
MAN: Forward!
[A line of soldiers holding ceremonial guns and dressed in their formal gear march past KAREN and JIMMY MARTIN, REGINA and KIARA MARSHALL, COL. SHORE, all standing by DEVON MARSHALL's casket.]
[The MARSHALLs walk towards the gathered mourners, BOOTH and BRENNAN standing in the front row.]
REGINA MARSHALL: My boy was just trying to do the right thing. Thank you for letting people see that.
BRENNAN: You can be proud of him.
[They leave, leaving BRENNAN and BOOTH alone. They meet with the KENT family, and TINA KENT embraces REGINA MARSHALL, sharing their mutual loss.]
BRENNAN: I would never have expected to see that.
BOOTH: Well, people will always surprise you.
BRENNAN: That hasn't always been my experience.
BOOTH: I've done some things.
BRENNAN: I know.
BOOTH: No, no, you don't.
BRENNAN: But it's okay.
BOOTH: Well, not-- not as a secret... [Booth sits] it's not. I have to be uh, honest about myself. [Brennan sits next to him] I-- I have to be able to tell someone.
BRENNAN: You will in time, Booth. You will.
BOOTH: [Haltingly] I was sent to Kosovo. There was this Serb, General Raddick, who led a unit who would go into villages and, you know, destroy 'em. Women, children, all-- all killed because he wanted to ethnically purify his country. He'd done this twice before. I mean, we had facts, proof. 232 people just erased.
BOOTH: I was the sniper sent in to stop him. He was set to leave in a couple hours. It was his son's-- son's birthday. A little boy maybe about six or seven. I can still hear the music from the party, you know? That song just playing in my head. Nobody knew where the shot came from, but, you know, they knew why it came.
BOOTH: They said I saved over a hundred people. But, you know, that little boy who didn't know who his father was, who-- who just loved him... he saw him die, fall to the ground right in front of him. That little boy all covered in his daddy's blood was changed forever. [Sighs] It's never just-- It's never just the one person who dies, Bones. Never. Never.
[BRENNAN places a hand on his forearm, silent. BOOTH sniffles, and places his hand atop hers, grateful.]
BOOTH: You know, we all die a little bit, Bones. With each shot, we all die a little bit.
[Camera pans to show BRENNAN's own tears, and then moves down to show BOOTH's thumb rubbing her hand.]
[FADE TO BLACK] | Plan: A: Booth; Q: Who laments the horrors of war and his own shady past as a military sniper? A: Brennan; Q: Who is the lead investigator in the case? A: murder; Q: What was the apparent suicide of a protester in Arlington National Cemetery actually? A: the victim; Q: Who was a soldier who served in Iraq? A: a war protester; Q: What was the victim originally thought to be? A: the murder investigation; Q: What do Booth and Brennan pursue? A: the American soldiers; Q: Who did Booth and Brennan interrogate? A: the actions; Q: What did the soldiers take while on patrol in Iraq? A: a potential military cover-up; Q: What do the clues point to? Summary: Booth and Brennan investigate the apparent suicide of a protester in Arlington National Cemetery. But Brennan and her team discover this was not suicide, it was murder, and the victim was a soldier who had served in Iraq, not a war protester as originally thought. Booth and Brennan pursue the murder investigation and interrogate the American soldiers the victim served with in Iraq. Their investigation leads to many unanswered questions about the victim's military unit in Iraq and the actions they took while on patrol there. As they uncover more information about the case, all clues point to a potential military cover-up. Meanwhile, Booth laments the horrors of war and his own shady past as a military sniper. |
DUE TO ADULT CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED
COLD OPEN.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT]
INTERCUT WITH:
[INT. BEDROOM -- NIGHT]
(Various flashes of a Man and a Woman nearly-naked and kissing passionately.)
[EXT. DRIVEWAY - NIGHT]
(A man quickly walks out from his driveway, his wife struggles to keep up with him.)
Wife: Honey, slow down.
(He pauses for a moment as she catches up with him. They keep going. She's trying to put her heels on as they cross the street to the neighbor's house.)
Wife: Hold on a second. Hold on.
Husband: (hurrying) Leave it alone. We're already late.
Wife: Well, if you hadn't told the sitter the wrong time ...
(They're nearly there.)
Wife: How do I look?
(He doesn't look.)
Husband: You look great.
(They continue on to the neighbor's house.)
[INT. DOOR - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(The doorbell rings. Erin Brady, the Hostess of the party, opens the door. She's wearing a see-through black teddy as she greets her guests. There are others at the party also semi-dressed.)
Erin Brady: Well, hey.
Husband: Sorry we're late.
Erin Brady: No, I'm so glad you guys could make it.
(She reaches out and grabs the bottle of champagne the Husband is holding. She turns and motions them inside the house.)
(The party is well under way. The guests are half-naked and making-out on the couches and wherever there's space.)
(As the hostess heads into the house, a woman party guest is leaving.)
Party Guest: Hey, sweetie, I gotta run. Thanks for everything.
Erin Brady: Gotta be safe.
Party Guest: (to the husband and wife) Bye-bye.
(The party guest leaves as the hostess heads further into the house.)
Erin Brady: You guys want a drink?
Wife: Mm ... I'll have champagne.
Erin Brady: Coming up.
(The Husband reclines on the couch next to a woman in her black, lacy underwear. The woman smiles and meets the wife as the wife heads off in a different direction leaving her husband with the woman.)
(On the dining room table, a man and a woman, party guests, are necking.)
(The Wife continues walking through the house. She stops in the kitchen and greets another couple. In the middle of the kitchen, she removes her dress.)
[EXT. HOUSE - POOLSIDE - NIGHT]
(A woman jumps into the pool.)
(At poolside, a Man is kissing a Woman on his right. He turns and kisses the woman on his left.)
(The party continues.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(A dog barks.)
[INT. HOUSE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(Inside, the party continues.)
(A woman screams.)
(Everyone stops and looks in the same direction.)
WOMAN Guest: Did you hear that?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. FOUNTAIN - NIGHT]
(There's a dead woman's body in the water fountain in the center of the road. David Phillips leans over the edge of the fountain as he waits for the water to be turned off.)
(Brass walks up to him.)
Brass: What's the matter? Can't do your work? (yells) Hey, fellas, what's the holdup? Come on. I told you half an hour ago turn the damn fountain off! Give me a break.
(Together, Grissom and Sara duck under the crime scene tape on the way to the fountain. Just outside the tape are the party-goers. Grissom puts his kit down.)
Brass: (to Grissom) You can't find good help.
Grissom: As Lord Byron once said, "In the desert, a fountain is springing."
Brass: Well, this one sprung a dead woman ... Vanessa Keaton. She lived over there. (He indicates the house nearby. Grissom turns to look.) A neighbor walking her dog found her.
(Grissom takes note of the crowd around the tape.)
Grissom: This is a pretty well-dressed crowd for this time of night.
Brass: Well, you know, it's a shindig. 43 Niagara Circle. The vic was there with her husband. Who left the party early. That's Dan Keaton, and that's his daughter Amy.
Grissom: You know, you might want to sneak some photos of this crowd.
Sara: A gated community, middle of nowhere -- if this wasn't an accident, they're all suspects, aren't they?
(Sara turns around and snaps photos of the people in the crowd.)
(The water in the fountain is still running. David does the best he can as he looks at the body.)
David Phillips: Foam in her nose and mouth. It's consistent with drowning. Abrasion on her forehead is fresh. And ... (He reaches for her wrist.) ... lividity is unfixed.
Grissom: Well, since water motion has no effect ...
David Phillips: She's been dead less than two hours.
(The fountain water shuts off.)
Brass: Thank you. Finally!
Grissom: Still waters run deep.
FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. KEATON RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(Brass interviews Dan Keaton who is moaning and rubbing his head.)
Dan Keaton: I can't do this right now.
Brass: What, a little hung over? Too much to drink, maybe? We'll have a police officer get you some water.
(Brass turns to the officer standing behind him.)
Brass: Danny, help him out.
(Danny leaves to get the water.)
Brass: So, the last time you saw your wife was at the party?
Dan Keaton: Erin and Paul Brady's.
Brass: But you left early without your wife, right?
Dan Keaton: Yeah, I wasn't in the mood. She was.
Brass: For what?
Dan Keaton: Partying.
Brass: What time did you leave?
(Amy Keaton walks down the stairs.)
Dan Keaton: Around 11:00, I think.
Brass: Anyone see you come home? Maybe your daughter? This is Amy, right?
Amy Keaton: I went out with friends. (She sits next to her dad on the bottom stairs.) My curfew's 1:00. I was a little late.
Brass: So, Amy, did you see your parents when you came in?
Amy Keaton: My mom was in Detroit. Vanessa's my stepmom. The tv was on in their room. I snuck into my room and went to bed. The sirens woke me up.
Brass: (nods) The sirens, huh?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. STREET -- DAY]
(The Coroners remove the body on the gurney. Sara and Greg watch. Greg is holding the camera.)
Sara: You know, they never go home until they see the body taken away?
Greg: Necrophilic voyeurism.
(The crowd starts to disburse. Sara kneels down next to the fountain and looks inside. She picks up a black shoe.)
Greg: Hot shoes.
Sara: You think these are sexy, huh?
(Greg shrugs.)
Sara: Did you know that shoes like these put degenerative stress on the hip joints, throw off the curve of the spine, and the tilt to the pelvis, over time, women get headaches, sore backs, shortened calf muscles and bunions, of course.
(Sara stands up.)
Greg: I take it back.
Sara: First thoughts?
Greg: Vanessa Keaton was walking home. She had a few. Her feet hurt. She takes off her shoes. Dolce vida.
(Quick flash to: [NIGHT] Vanessa Keaton is barefoot and playing on the fountain. She walks on the concrete side, laughing. She slips and falls into the fountain, hitting her head on the concrete center. End of flash. Resume to present.)
Sara: There's no sign of blood or hair. Nothing to suggest contact.
Greg: The fountain was on. Maybe the action of the water washed away evidence.
Sara: How do we know it was an accident? Maybe she wasn't alone.
(Greg things about it.)
Greg: We don't know that.
Sara: We're going to need a water sample and a bag for the shoe, of course.
Greg: Okay.
(Greg walks over to his kit to get the things.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. VIDEO ARCADE -- DAY]
(Nick and Warrick duck under the crime scene tape.)
Nick: You okay to drive?
Warrick: No. After a triple and three back-to-back scenes, I'm tired. I'm going to take a ten in the car before we head back.
Nick: That's better than bouncing off the curb, I guess.
Warrick: Yeah. Okay, you ready to run it?
Nick: (sighs) Sure.
Nick: Landlord's working late, trying to fix up the place for the new tenant, kicking up dust, paint fumes. Door's open for ventilation. Killer strolls in. Next thing you know, landlord's deli meat.
(Quick flash to: The Landlord is leaning over the saw as he works. The saw is running; his back is to the door. Someone walks up to him and pushes him down into the saw. He screams. Blood spatters on the wall. End of flash. Resume to present.)
Warrick: Well, we have this eviction notice. So, that means no business. No business, no cash, so that could rule out robbery as a motive.
Nick: I'm having Detective Cavalier run down the evicted tenants. It's a Melissa Poolie and a Charlie Pinscher.
(A man dressed in a white worker outfit walks into the door. The officer tries to stop him.)
Officer At Door: Sorry, can't let you in.
(He points to his hat.)
Marty Gleason: Take a look.
(He heads into the place carrying his kit.)
Marty Gleason: Hey, you guys call yourselves investigators? You've been here four hours. You haven't figured this out yet?
Nick: Crime scene cleanup.
Warrick: Blood bucket brigade.
Marty Gleason: Hey, I prefer bio-recovery services.
Nick: You know, it's funny. I don't see an American bio-recovery badge.
Marty Gleason: See, all you really need is a strong stomach, a thorough knowledge of solvents, a little sensitivity, a little tact. (He sees the bloody wall.) Whoa. Man! (He walks over to the wall.) There must be three quarts of blood in there. Hey, you're using anhydron. I charge extra for that. Cha-ching, cha-ching. You got photos, swabs. (He turns back toward Nick.) Did you finish the sketch?
Nick: Yeah.
Marty Gleason: Great. Hey, you guys have done everything but leave.
Warrick: What's the rush, Marty?
Marty Gleason: Ah, the wife of the deceased, she would like this mess cleaned up as soon as possible. New tenant moves in on the first.
Nick: Okay, Marty. I'll have the Detective release the scene.
Marty Gleason: All right. (Marty puts his kit down on the ground.) Well, I'll get my gear.
(Marty heads out.)
(Nick yawns.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY]
(Robbins finishes stitching up the Y-incision. Grissom stands next to the table watching.)
Robbins: One of the most attractive women I've had on my table. But beauty's skin deep and inside, we all look pretty much the same.
[Note:
Grissom: (points) What about this abrasion?
Robbins: Have you no poet in you?
Grissom: Beauty is truth, truth, beauty. That is all you know on earth and all you need to know -- except cause of death. [Note:
Robbins: Pulmonary edema due to drowning. I sent samples of the water in her lungs to trace. The abrasion's serious enough to cause loss of consciousness. You may want to look at this though. You want to come over here? Let's turn her over.
(Grissom walks around the table. They turn over the body where Robbins points out four holes in her back.)
Grissom: Puncture wounds?
Robbins: Four, uniform diameter, perimortem, non-lethal. No corresponding holes in her dress.
Grissom: So she wasn't wearing it when she was stabbed.
Robbins: Collected lubricant from the labia. Which means, uh ... I don't know if she had a date with her husband or herself. I sent an SAE kit to DNA. Personal observation - (Robbins picks up the black lacy underwear and shows it to Grissom.) -- you don't wear la perla to a tupperware party.
Grissom: La perla?
Robbins: Very expensive. I gave some to my wife once. She accused me of having an affair. You know, s*x on the steel.
Grissom: Lubricant and lingerie. I don't think the evening turned out the way she planned, do you?
Robbins: Nope.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM]
(Det. Cavaliere interviews Charlie Pinscher.)
Det. Cavaliere: So your business goes bust and Mr. Basengi evicts you.
Charles Pinscher: Pac-man, Pong, loved these games. Thought it was a sure thing.
(Nick walks into the room.)
Det. Cavaliere: Well, today, it's all 3-d interactive. You know, I got kids.
Charles Pinscher: You want some advice?
Det. Cavaliere: No.
Charles Pinscher: Never go into business with somebody you're sleeping with.
Nick: Melissa Poolie?
Charles Pinscher: Bitch.
Det. Cavaliere: We haven't been able to find her. You know where she is?
Charles Pinscher: We broke up. At least I think we broke up. She skipped town without telling me, stuck me with the rent.
(Det. Cavaliere walks around the table and sits down.)
Det. Cavaliere: So you were angry at her, you were angry at him.
Charles Pinscher: I didn't kill him.
Nick: He was holding your inventory hostage. How much you got tied up in Centipede and Space Invaders?
Charles Pinscher: Every penny I got. About 20k.
Det. Cavaliere: You must have wanted it back. Hey, did you stop by the store last night?
(Charlie hesitates.)
Charles Pinscher: (carefully) No, but I called him. Asked if we could maybe work something out. Told me to go screw myself, he'd see me in court.
Nick: Mr. Pinscher, I'm going to need to go ahead and get your fingerprints.
(Charlie Pinscher groans.)
Charles Pinscher: You're going to find my prints all over that place. It was my store, mine and Melissa's.
Nick: I expect to find your prints in certain places, sir. We're just doing this to rule you out.
Charles Pinscher: Oh.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB - NIGHT]
(Mia Dickerson is in the lab putting her latex gloves on. David Hodges walks by in the hallway and notices something. He opens the lab door and walks inside.)
David Hodges: You alternate hands when you double glove?
Mia Dickerson: Yes. And I don't like being watched.
David Hodges: If you alternate, there's more contact between the exposed latex of the first glove and atmospheric microbes.
(She stares at him for a beat, then starts removing her latex gloves.)
David Hodges: What?
Mia Dickerson: (annoyed) You know, it would have been better if you didn't say anything, but you did making it impossible for me to concentrate, and now I have to sanitize and start over.
(The opposite door opens.)
Greg: Hey, Hodges, you got the results of our drowning victim?
(Hodges turns to look back at Greg.)
David Hodges: Yeah, in five. I'm in the middle of the rest of my life.
Greg: (insistent) Well, I kind of need them now.
(Hodges turns and smiles at Greg.
David Hodges: (to Mia) I'll be back.
(Mia rolls her eyes at Hodges and Greg leave the lab.)
[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(Hodges and Greg walk back into the Trace Lab.)
David Hodges: Good thing you didn't have to take a spelling test to work the field.
(David picks up the jar and shows the label to Greg.)
David Hodges: "Funtain" water?
(The label reads:
Article: QORPAK Exhibit No. 47-104B
Date Found, Located or Developed: 3/21 BRADY HOUSE
Where This Article was Found: FUNTAIN
Investigation Officer: G. SANDERS
Cat. No.: 47-10-43 1037ZKIX )
Greg: My people are Norwegian. That's how we spell it. So, is the "funtain" water in her lungs?
David Hodges: All bodies of water contain unicellular algae.
(Hodges sets up the scope.)
Greg: Called diatoms. They're unique, like fingerprints. Diatoms from one body of water don't match those from any other.
David Hodges: Well, you're roughly right. Here, take a look.
(He moves aside and lets Greg look through the scope.)
[SCOPE VIEW]
(There are two sets of diatoms.)
David Hodges: The diatoms on the left are from the water found in your victim's lungs and the diatoms on the right are from the fountain. Not a match.
Greg: Not even close. Which means she didn't drown there.
David Hodges: I'll throw you a bone.
(Hodges turns around to get something from the counter.)
Greg: She blew you off, didn't she?
(Hodges turns back with a test tube.)
David Hodges: The water from the fountain is heavily chlorinated. No, she didn't blow me off. I didn't ask her out. But this sample, found in your vic's lungs, contains polymethylhexalene biguanide ... and anyway, I heard she blew you off first. It's a chlorine alternative. It's less irritating.
Greg: Vanessa Keaton died in a pool.
David Hodges: Or a spa ... and by the way, that's spelled S-P-A in any language.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Nick and Warrick are going through the crime scene photos they spread out on the table in front of them.)
Nick: Only new items brought into the arcade post-eviction were the tools, tarps and paint cans. No prints from Charlie Pincher on any of them. Just the landlord and some unknowns on the saw.
Warrick: No hits off of AFIS.
(Nick shakes his head.)
Warrick: According to Cavaliere, the table saw was a rental. So, there could have been any number of prints on that one.
Nick: Yeah, but you don't just lie down when somebody's trying to kill you, man. There had to have been a struggle.
Warrick: Yeah, from that spinning blade, there was blood everywhere. Some of it had to transfer to the killer's clothes and shoes.
Nick: I still like Charlie for this. I know we don't have enough for a warrant ...
(There's a knock on the door.)
Secretary: (o.s.) Excuse me, guys. There's a Mr. Gleason to see you. I told him you were busy. He won't leave.
(Warrick and Nick look at each other.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Nick and Warrick head out through the hallway.)
Warrick: What's the problem, Marty?
Marty Gleason: You and you. You treat me like a janitor, like a garbage man. I'm a professional, same as you ... an unsung hero that's worthy of respect.
Nick: Okay, Marty ...
Marty Gleason: You know exactly what I'm talking about. The smell back at the store. I know decomp as well as you, maybe better, okay? So what was it? Your lunch? Rotten shrimp? Clams, maybe? Whatever you hid there, I am going to find.
Warrick: We didn't even bring lunch there, Marty. And this wasn't a decomp scene.
Marty Gleason: You're jealous. You're stuck in a dead-end civil service job while I'm grossing six figures.
Nick: Oh, six figures.
Warrick: Yeah. Picture that.
Marty Gleason: We're colleagues. My job starts where your job ends. You should not be messing with me!
Warrick: (shakes his head) Nobody's messing with you, Marty.
(Nick shakes his head. Warrick and Nick look at each other.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. VIDEO ARCADE -- DAY]
(Warrick and Nick return to the Video Arcade with Marty Gleason. They step into the arcade and smell it immediately.)
Warrick: Phew ... ooh ...
Nick: It's decomp. Subtle, but it's in here.
Marty Gleason: The nose knows.
Warrick: How'd we miss that?
Nick: We were tired.
(They take out their flashlights and start looking around the place for the source of the smell.)
Warrick: Did you steam clean?
Marty Gleason: Yeah.
Warrick: The heating process must have brought the smell out.
Marty Gleason: You know, I don't get paid until this place smells like Eternity for Men.
(Nick and Warrick continue to look around the arcade.)
Nick: Could be a dead rat.
Warrick: Lot of possibilities.
Nick: I don't know, Rick. Your guess is as good as mine.
Warrick: I know how to find it.
(Warrick motions for Nick to follow him. He turns the thermostat all the way up.)
Warrick: (to Marty) Okay, rich guy. Shut down your gear, you're taking us to lunch.
(Marty nods.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[EXT. KEATON RESIDENCE - BACKYARD -- DAY]
(Sara interviews Dan Keaton as they stand outside the empty pool in his back yard. Amy Keaton sits on the pool's edge a short distance away from them.)
Dan Keaton: Crack runs right through the deep end. Had to drain it. Half the neighbors have cracked slabs, leaky roofs. This was perfect when Vanessa and I moved in. Place isn't built to last.
Sara: Mr. Keaton, I know this must be hard for you and your daughter.
Dan Keaton: Why are you here?
Sara: Your wife didn't die in a fountain. We're taking water samples of every pool and spa in this community. Was there swimming at the Brady's party?
Dan Keaton: Why?
Sara: Routine question.
Dan Keaton: Some, I guess. It was that kind of party.
Sara: Was your wife in the pool?
Dan Keaton: She could have been. After I left. What does this have to do with her accident?
Sara: Did anyone behave inappropriately towards her?
Dan Keaton: We were with our friends. Our best friends. I wouldn't have left her there if I didn't think she was safe.
(Dan looks over at Amy who looks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. BRADY RESIDENCE - BACK YARD -- DAY]
(Greg takes a sample of the pool water. He takes the sample as Grissom logs it on the clipboard. Brass is interviewing Erin Brady, the party hostess.)
Erin Brady: No one's allowed to treat their pools with chlorine. It's in the homeowners' regulations.
(Paul Brady walks outside and joins them.)
Paul Brady: What the hell is going on?
Erin Brady: They have a warrant.
Paul Brady: A warrant for what?
Grissom: When was the last time you had your pool cleaned?
Paul Brady: Guy was here this morning. Why?
Brass: We're asking the questions, Mr. Brady.
Erin Brady: Look, look ... we're all in shock. Vanessa was one of those people who was so alive, so much fun.
Brass: So, tell me about last night. Was it a special occasion?
Erin Brady: We just had the neighbors in for cocktails.
Paul Brady: We do it once a month. We, uh ... we all take turns.
Grissom: Was Mrs. Keaton wearing this dress last night?
(Grissom shows them a picture of the dress. Erin Brady looks at it and nods.)
Erin Brady: Yes. I noticed -- I have the same one in pink.
Brass: You notice anything else, anything out of the ordinary? Like an argument or a fight?
Paul Brady: No, no, no. We are a friendly group.
Grissom: Did she leave alone?
Erin Brady: Yes. Her husband left about an hour earlier.
Brass: He seem upset when he left?
Erin Brady: Not that I noticed. Vanessa's death was an accident, right?
(Greg finishes putting the label on the sample jar. He stands up.)
Greg: Got it.
Grissom: May we take a look inside your house?
(She steps aside.)
Erin Brady: Look wherever you want.
(Grissom walks by her between her and her husband. He glances at Brass who smiles at him. Grissom heads into the house.)
[INT. BRADY RESIDENCE - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Grissom puts on his latex gloves and looks around the clean living room.)
Grissom: (loudly) Well, by the way you've cleaned up, Mrs. Brady, I wouldn't even know you had a party in here last night.
(Erin and Paul stand inside the living room.)
Erin Brady: Thank you.
Grissom: What kind of party was it?
Erin Brady: A mixer.
(Grissom and Greg look at each other. Grissom heads into the kitchen while Greg lingers in the living room.)
[INT. BRADY RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Grissom looks around the kitchen. He opens the case on the counter and finds two of the four skewers in the case. He takes one out.)
Grissom: (calls out) Mrs. Brady, would you join me in here, please?
(Erin Brady walks into the kitchen.)
Grissom: Where are your other skewers?
Erin Brady: I don't know.
(The dishwasher finishes. Grissom walks over to it and opens it. He pulls out the top rack in the dishwasher and picks up a light-colored dildo.)
Grissom: Well, cleanliness is next to godliness.
(Erin shrugs. Paul looks back at Greg who can't help but chuckle.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
DUE TO ADULT CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. VIDEO ARCADE -- DAY]
(Marty Gleason carries out two red plastic bags from the arcade as Nick and Warrick sit on the sidewalk curb eating their lunches..)
Marty Gleason: After overhead and costs, fifty cents a pound for waste disposal, I clear about three to five bills a job.
(Marty puts the two bags in the back of his van.)
Warrick: How many cases do you get a week?
Marty Gleason: How many cases do you do a week?
Warrick: Rate gets us ten to twenty.
Marty Gleason: Ditto.
Nick: You trying to tell me you make between three and ten grand a week?
Marty Gleason: You've got to be authorized to clean up biologicals. If some high school wage slave mops up a nose bleed at Mickey D's, they're breaking the law. I've got three employees making thirty bucks an hour. If you guys are interested in earning a little extra on the side?
Warrick: Working for you, no thanks.
Marty Gleason: Crime rate is on the rise, my friends. You'd be wise to get in on the ground floor. I am thinking about starting a franchise in Arizona. Retirees die messy. Like, bodies been on the floor for a while. Sometimes you got to replace the entire floor. Oh, look, I install floors, and drywall.
(He hands each of them his card.)
(A car horn beeps.)
Marty Gleason: Ceilings, too, and homeowner's insurance picks up the tab.
(A black SUV pulls up. Marty walks over to Mrs. Basengi.)
Mrs. Basengi: What's going on, Marty? You're still here? You promised the place would be clean. I found a contractor to finish the work.
Marty Gleason: (southern accent ) It's out of my hands, ma'am. The lab boys, they haven't quite released the scene yet.
(He indicates Warrick and Nick behind him. Warrick and Nick look at each other and shake their heads.)
Marty Gleason: They're moving at the speed of government. How are you doing with the funeral arrangements?
Mrs. Basengi: Your cousin is taking very good care of me, thank you.
Marty Gleason: We are here for you. Now, I tell you what, I'm going to call you as soon as I'm done, okay?
Mrs. Basengi: Okay.
Marty Gleason: Thank you, ma'am.
(Mrs. Basengi drives away.)
Nick: You should be ashamed of yourself, Marty.
Marty Gleason: Oh, no. The bereaved often find a southern accent very comforting.
(Marty heads back into the arcade.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. VIDEO ARCADE - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Marty Gleason, Nick and Warrick walk back into the arcade.)
Marty Gleason: Comfort is what I give these people, living victims. The kind you guys never deal with. I see people on the worst day of their lives. In a small way, I make their world normal again.
(Marty heads into the back of the arcade to pick up the large tub. Warrick and Nick notice the smell immediately. They look around and find that it's coming from one of the plastic-covered machines.)
(Nick pulls the plastic off of the video machine and the smell immediately hits them.)
Warrick/Nick: Oh!
Warrick: Well, it smells like Eternity for Somebody in here.
(Nick puts on his gloves.)
Nick: The plastic must have covered the smell.
(Warrick opens the coin slot and the smell is more pronounced.)
Warrick: Oh!
(Nick gasps and starts breathing out of his mouth.)
(Cut to: Nick and Warrick remove the screws holding the video machine's back panel in place. Marty Gleason looks over their shoulders as Warrick removes the panel. Inside the machine on the bottom is a dead woman's body wrapped in plastic.)
Marty Gleason: Holy mackerel. Bitch in a box.
Nick: Hey, hey, hey.
Marty Gleason: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I get paid by the body.
(Warrick coughs from the smell.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB - DAY]
(Mia Dickerson goes through the things Greg brought back from the house.)
Mia Dickerson: Nine vibrators, five plugs, four strands of beads.
Greg: (smiles) And a partridge in a pear tree. (Mia throws Greg a look.) Some kids are happy playing in the sand box, others want every toy in the store. And apparently these are dishwasher safe.
Mia Dickerson: I'll swab the nooks and crannies for semen, vaginal secretions and epithelials, but don't get your hopes up.
Greg: (cheerfully) Oh, my money's on bag number two.
Mia Dickerson: (oh great) Twenty-six used condoms.
Greg: Just like being back in college, right?
Mia Dickerson: Sara said you didn't lose your virginity until you were 22.
(The smile freezes on Greg's face. He changes the subject.)
Greg: Grissom and I figured that they practiced safe s*x, so we processed their trash. Check them inside and out, please.
Mia Dickerson: I've analyzed condoms before, Greg. Just not in bulk.
(Mia reaches into the third package and takes out another plastic bag.)
Mia Dickerson: Skewers?
Greg: Yeah, screen them for blood. Possible weapon.
(Greg leaves the lab.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(David Phillips cuts through the plastic wrapped around the body. He's assisted by Nick, Warrick and a Coroner.)
(Nick snaps a photo of the body as they work.)
(Cut to: Warrick hands the boots to David.)
(Nick takes more pictures.)
(Cut to: David continues to cut through the plastic. Nick snaps more photos as they peel away the plastic from the dead woman's body.)
(Cut to: Robbins takes a swab from the woman's ear. He takes a swab from the woman's mouth and another from the woman's nose.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Nick puts a photo of the dead woman on the table.)
Nick: Dental records ID'd the body found in the arcade machine.
(Nick and Det. Cavaliere are interviewing Charles Pinscher.)
Nick: Your ex-girlfriend Melissa Poolie.
(Nick puts more pictures down on the table.)
Det. Cavaliere: She didn't leave town after all. You want to revise your story?
(Nick throws another photo on the table.)
Nick: We also found semen in her vaginal cavity. It matches your dead landlord.
Det. Cavaliere: Your girlfriend was paying rent on her back and you didn't like it.
(Quick flashback to: Charles Pinscher is yelling at Melissa Poolie.)
Charles Pinscher: You had s*x with our landlord?
Melissa Poolie: At least I got off my ass and did something about it.
(He pushes her and she falls to the floor. He turns and grabs the plastic covering off of a nearby arcade machine.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Charles Pinscher: That didn't happen. She told me she convinced Basengi to give us more time on the rent. I-I didn't know she was banging the guy.
Det. Cavaliere: We don't care why you killed her.
Charles Pinscher: I didn't kill her!
Det. Cavaliere: Basengi evicts you, keeps your stuff and now you've got a big problem.
Nick: Yeah, the dead body someone crammed into Ms. Pac-man.
(Quick flashback to: Basengi is using the saw.)
Charles Pinscher: You can keep the rest of it! All I want is Ms. Pac-man!
Mr. Basengi: Get the hell out of here.
(Basengi continues using the saw. Charles Pinscher grabs Basengi and slams him down on the saw.)
(Basengi screams. Blood spatters on the wall.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(Charles Pinscher looks at Nick. Nick takes the seat next to Charles Pinscher.)
Nick: Mr. Pincher, when someone is killed with a table saw, blood gets everywhere -- your hair and your clothes. You would have had to take a long, hot shower, wash your clothes, clip your nails, toss your shoes. Are you sure you got it all, Charlie? Hmm?
(Nick looks down at Charlie's watch. Suddenly, Charlie appears increasingly nervous.)
Nick: That's a nice watch.
Charles Pinscher: It was my dad's.
Nick: I was admiring the band. Lots of open spaces and nonporous surfaces. That's a perfect place for blood to hide, don't you think, Chris?
Det. Cavaliere: Yeah.
Nick: There's a chemical I use called phenylthaline. It can detect a speck of blood the size of a pinprick.
(Camera zooms in and focuses on the watch band where it stops on some blood caught in the band.)
Nick: I bet if I take that watch it's going to tell me more than time, isn't it?
Det. Cavaliere: You mind baby-sitting him while I get a warrant?
(Det. Cavaliere stands up.)
Charles Pinscher: I just went to the arcade to scare him. Things got out of hand.
Nick: Did you kill him?
Charles Pinscher: It was an accident. You guys have got to believe me, I did not kill Melissa. I didn't even know she was dead.
(He starts crying.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE]
(Catherine follows Grissom into his office. He's holding an open book in his hand, reading through it as he heads for his desk.)
Catherine: I know that you got the memo, I'm not sure that you read it. Eckley is being promoted to Assistant Director. They are taking applications for his supervisor spot on days. I want it.
(Grissom sits down and doesn't say anything.)
Catherine: What? You want the day spot for yourself? You're worried about giving me a good A.P. score and breaking up the team? Or maybe you just think that I'm incapable of the position? Not worthy of the promotion? Is that it?
(She rolls her eyes and scoffs.)
Catherine: I'm just always, always, always defending myself to you.
(Catherine sits down. Grissom still hasn't said anything.)
Catherine: I'm unbelievable. I have a daughter who is so starved for my attention, she is thumbing rides to Fremont Street to see her grandfather. The last person I want her around. I mean, not that it's much better with my mother, who sees Lindsay much more often than I do. (It starts to get too much for Catherine.) I am missing out on my daughter's life. I have no life of my own. Would you just stop me and say something here?
(Grissom takes off his glasses and looks at Catherine.)
Grissom: You want the job because you're worried about Lindsay?
Catherine: That's part of it, but ...
Grissom: The position calls for leadership, Catherine. You have to inspire others, solve problems, which means you have to leave your own problems at home.
Catherine: I want the job because I can do it. I'm qualified, I'm motivated and I'm ready, Gil. You know that I am.
Grissom: I do. Which is why I already sent in your A.P. I gave you 100%. I even put in a good word with the Director. The rest is up to you. And ... I hope you get it.
(Grissom puts his glasses back on. Catherine's touched.)
Catherine: Thank you.
(Catherine stands up and walks out of the office.)
(Grissom sighs as he watches her go.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB]
(Mia Dickerson has the condoms each in their own dish. She's taking swabs from both the inside and outside of the condoms.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(Mia reports her results to Greg and Grissom.)
Mia Dickerson: I couldn't get anything from the items in the dishwasher, including the skewers. No results. However, the condoms produced. I extracted DNA from the semen. Results indicate ten males.
(Mia stands in front of the whiteboard that has her results listed on it.)
Mia Dickerson: The lubricant, which seemed to be popular, was good at retaining both epithelials and vaginal secretions. 11 females, no CODIS hits.
Grissom: Is our victim represented?
Mia Dickerson: Yes. F-7. We can match her with the semen from four different males.
Greg: M-4, M-5, M-1, M-8. (Greg turns and looks at Grissom.) She was the belle of the ball.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
(Brass and Grissom interview Erin Brady.)
Erin Brady: My husband and I have a very strong marriage. But yes, we enjoy the lifestyle.
Brass: The lifestyle?
Erin Brady: We play.
Brass: No kidding.
(She turns and looks at Grissom.)
Erin Brady: Swing.
Grissom: Wife swapping.
Erin Brady: Paul and I had a rough patch a few years ago. We almost called it quits. Swinging saved our marriage. It was being with other people that made me realize just how much I love my husband.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM]
(Sara interviews Paul Brady.)
Paul Brady: Erin is the greatest wife in the world.
Sara: But you still had s*x with Vanessa Keaton?
Paul Brady: Yeah. Yeah. It's fun.
(Quick flashback to: [PARTY] Paul Brady meets with Vanessa Keaton at the party and they both run up the stairs hand-in-hand to the bedrooms.)
(End of flashback.)
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Brass: How do you feel about Vanessa Keaton?
Erin Brady: Very attractive woman. She was the reason we invited the Keatons to the parties. She was into it. Dan really wasn't.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM]
Sara: How did your wife feel about you and Vanessa Keaton?
Paul Brady: Well, it's not like we were having an affair. That'd be breaking the rules.
(Sara perks up.)
Sara: The Rules?
(Sara starts taking notes.)
Paul Brady: No, means no. Arrive as a couple, leave as a couple. Drugs, never. Condoms, condoms always.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: No affairs. s*x with someone other than your spouse is only allowed at the parties. No photos, no video. And the kids must never know.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM]
Paul Brady: I came home one night. I parked the car in the driveway and went to the fridge to grab a beer. It was the wrong beer. I was in the wrong house. Anyway, it just got all the neighbors talking. Variety is a good thing. And if you get the right group of people together, a couple of drinks, you'd be surprised what can happen.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.) Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]
(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)
(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)
Sara: Thank you. I know I'm supposed to be objective ... but I think I have a problem with the lifestyle.
Grissom: Well, they're consenting adults, it's not illegal. At most, they only hurt themselves.
Sara: Tell that to Vanessa Keaton. Everyone has a jealousy gene.
Grissom: You think it was a crime of passion?
Sara: (nods) Yeah. When you have to go outside a marriage for passion, you're in trouble. And you're asking for trouble.
(He looks over at the Brady's.)
Grissom: Well, they say they're happily married.
Sara: You think they're happy?
(Grissom doesn't answer as he considers the question. He doesn't get to answer as his phone rings. He answers the phone.)
Grissom: (to phone) Grissom. (pause) Very good, thanks.
(Grissom hangs up.)
Grissom: (to Sara) Hodges matched the water in Vanessa Keaton's lungs. He knows where she drowned.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[EXT. CUNNINGHAM RESIDENCE - POOLSIDE - DAY]
(Brass and Grissom interview Tom and Meg Cunningham.)
Brass: So Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham, was Vanessa Keaton here the night she died?
Tom Cunningham: No.
Grissom: Well, we matched the water in her lungs to your spa. And I see what appears to be a blood smear on the stone.
Meg Cunningham: Well, sometimes we forget to lock the gate.
Brass: So your neighbors come in and use the spa?
Meg Cunningham: It's possible.
Brass: Yeah, I guess so, I mean, you share everything else. Why not?
Brass: So what time did you leave the party?
Tom Cunningham: Around 11:30.
Meg Cunningham: But we didn't come right home.
Brass: Where'd you go?
Meg Cunningham: We went to the Bellagio. A nice, romantic night out, just the two of us.
Tom Cunningham: Sometimes being with others gives you the urge to be alone.
(Tom puts a hand casually on Meg's shoulder. She instinctively stiffens and glances at the hand before relaxing. Grissom notes the movement.)
Brass: I see.
Grissom: Well, we're going to compel a DNA sample, so we'll know if you were intimate with Vanessa Keaton.
Tom Cunningham: I admit I had s*x with her and ... Karen Brady, and Mallory Stone.
Brass: Three strikes you're out.
(Tom Cunningham smiles at Brass.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(Robbins is in the autopsy room with the Melissa Poolie's body when Warrick walks in putting on a pair of gloves.)
Robbins: Heard your suspect's looking pretty good.
Warrick: You heard right. Charlie confessed to killing the landlord. And the blood on his watch is a match to Bassngi's DNA.
Robbins: What about her?
Warrick: Swears he has nothing to do with it. You got a C.O.D.?
Robbins: Blunt-force trauma to the occipital region. No trace in the wound track.
Warrick: Do you have any idea what hit her?
Robbins: Yeah. The impact's deep. Weapon was probably heavy. (He picks up the ruler and places it against the body's forehead to measure the wound.) Radius of curvature, roughly three centimeters. Could be a pipe.
Warrick: Could be anything.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- BRASS' OFFICE]
(Brass interview's Meg Cunningham.)
Brass: Mrs. Cunningham, you told us that you spent last night at the Bellagio with your husband.
Meg Cunningham: That's correct.
Brass: Are you sure about that?
Meg Cunningham: D-do I need a lawyer?
Brass: I mean, that's your call, that's your right, but let me point out that if you're covering for your husband, that's conspiracy after the fact. Now, are you prepared to go to jail over this?
(She chuckles.)
Meg Cunningham: Look, I-I answered your question.
Brass: Okay, what if I told you the hotel maid told us that you weren't with Tom, what would you say?
Meg Cunningham: I'd say she was lying.
Brass: You know, I'm trying to help you out here, and I want to help you out, okay? But you got to cut the crap. Okay? Come on, tell me what happened. I mean, security confirmed that you were with a female. Late 20s, blonde, I mean, she even paid for breakfast with her credit card. So ... I'll tell you what, why don't we start over, okay? And you tell me what happened.
Meg Cunningham: Look, Tom asked me to think about our son. He begged me to say we were together. I swear, I don't know ... anything that went on between him and Vanessa. I don't know.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. CUNNINGHAM RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY]
(Grissom and Sara walk into the house. In one of the rooms, a boy is playing video games in front of the television set. Grissom and Sara continue through the house. Sara heads upstairs as Grissom heads into one of the rooms.)
[INT. CUNNINGHAM RESIDENCE - STUDY - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Sara walks into the home office and looks around. She looks at the shelf contents, then opens the desk drawer. She finds under the "Vegas Life", she finds "Big Bodacious Babes".)
(Grissom walks into the study.)
Sara: Found some p0rn.
(She stands and hands them over to Grissom who leafs through them.)
Grissom: Well, nothing new about this stuff. The Frescos at Pompeii were more explicit. The Kama Sutra and Decameron.
Sara: Yeah, but that's art; this ... is not art.
(Sara holds up the issue of "Bondage".)
Grissom: Hmm.
(Grissom again opens the magazine and finds something recognizable.)
Grissom: Here we go. Webcam photo. And she's wearing La Perla.
(Grissom shows Sara the photo of the "headless" woman wearing black underwear.)
Sara: Vanessa Keaton.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. VIDEO ARCADE -- DAY]
(Warrick and Nick walk into the Video Arcade.)
Warrick: The first victim was killed with a weapon of opportunity, the table saw. The second victim gets a crack on the head.
Nick: So you're thinking the weapon is still in here?
Warrick: Yeah.
Nick: Why would the killer leave it in here?
Warrick: Well, the killer left the body here.
Nick: That's true. Mr. Pinscher had a cash-only business.
Warrick: Yeah. And he didn't have a gun license.
(Warrick heads around the cash register counter. Camera moves down to show the bat under the counter.)
(Nick looks around the area. Warrick finds the bat.)
Nick: You got something?
Warrick: Yes.
(Warrick takes a digital photo of the bat.)
(Camera zooms down the bat through the grooves in the wood. Resume regular view.)
(Warrick removes the bag from his holding place under the counter. He shows it to Nick.)
Warrick: A little store security.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(The Police officer leads a handcuffed Mrs. Basengi through the hallway.)
Mrs. Basengi: Liars, liars, all men are liars!
(Marty Gleason steps out of the room and sees her being led away. He turns and sees Warrick and Nick.)
Marty Gleason: Hey, did you -- ?
Warrick: (nods) It seems that the Missus caught her husband collecting rent from the late Melissa Poolie. She just waited till he left the building.
(Quick flashback to: [VIDEO ARCADE] Mrs. Basengi and Melissa Poolie argue.)
Mrs. Basengi: You slut! I don't care what he told you, you still have to pay rent.
Melissa Poolie: Go to hell!
(Melissa Poolie turns to leave. Mrs. Basengi grabs the bag and hits her on the back of the head. Melissa Poolie falls to the floor.)
(Mrs. Basengi drops the bat and grabs the plastic sheeting.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Warrick: Luckily, she left her prints behind. We had them on file from an assault case in '98.
Nick: Yeah, she went a little further this time.
Marty Gleason: Yeah, from what I hear, she did a lousy job cleaning that bat. Amateur. You know, you guys, you could have waited till after she paid me to arrest her. What did I ever do to you? Oh, except crack your case wide open.
Nick: Don't worry, man, Grissom talked to the Sheriff, said he's gonna pick up your tab.
Marty Gleason: Really?
Nick: Mm-hmm.
(Marty chuckles.)
Marty Gleason: Thanks. Hey, you think this could mean a nice, fat city contract for me?
(Not wanting to touch that one, Warrick and Nick both leave.)
Warrick: Good to see you, Marty.
Nick: See you around, Marty.
Marty Gleason: Call me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY]
(Grissom opens the morgue cabinet with Vanessa Keaton's body inside. He pulls out the table so he and Sara can compare the body with the photos.)
(Grissom lifts the sheet to look at her belly button. It doesn't match with the photo.)
Grissom: (points to photo) Innie. Outie. (He points to the body.)
(Sara changes the photo to one with moles.)
Grissom: ... and Vanessa doesn't have any moles on her torso.
Sara: The woman in the photo is not Vanessa.
David Phillips: Oh, you got my message.
Sara: What message?
David Phillips: To meet me here. I was preparing a body for a mortuary pickup, and I noticed something.
(David lifts the body to show them the bruising on the back around the puncture wounds.)
David Phillips: Postmortem bruising.
Grissom: Well, it can take a day or two after autopsy for the bruises to percolate through the soft tissue and become visible.
Sara: Vanessa wasn't stabbed four times with a skewer. She was stabbed twice with a two-pronged instrument.
(Quick CGI POV: Someone screams. A two-pronged instrument is stabbed into her back. End of CGI POV.)
(Grissom looks at Sara.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - EARLY EVENING]
[EXT. CUNNINGHAM RESIDENCE - BACKYARD -- NIGHT]
(Greg is back in the Cunningham's backyard. He looks around and finds the hanging bar-b-cue utensils. He puts his kit down and takes a picture of the fork. He tests it and finds blood.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT]
(Grissom walks into the lab where Sara is working on the laptop.)
Sara: I just started combing through Tom Cunningham's computer. I haven't I.D.'d our mystery woman, but there's just lots of back and forth between Cunningham's e-mail account and Keaton's.
Grissom: Any attachments?
Sara: Yeah. Got one for the Keatons' account. "U axd 4 my pic so here. Sweetkeat."
(She clicks on the picture and finds the photo. It's the same photo. Grissom shakes his head. Sara glances at him.)
Grissom: Any reply?
Sara: Yes. From ... cunning1. (She clicks it open.) "Can you handle it? Midnight. Behind the skate park."
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT]
[MONITOR]
(On the monitor is security tape footage from behind the skate park. It shows Tom Cunningham meeting with Amy Keaton. He opens the back of his SUV and climbs in. She removes her top as she prepares to climb inside also.)
Tom Cunningham: You can stop the tape.
(Brass turns the tape off.)
Tom Cunningham: Amy came on to me.
Brass: She's fifteen.
Tom Cunningham: Does she look fifteen to you?
Adam Matthew (lawyer): Tom, be very quiet.
Tom Cunningham: They got me on tape. I'm trying to explain.
Brass: She's a minor, you're an adult. What's to explain?
Adam Matthew (lawyer): We have information pertaining to Vanessa Keaton's death. Get me the D.A. We want a deal.
(Brass stares at them for a long moment.)
Brass: Too late.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT]
(Sara compares the photo with Amy Keaton. Sara and Grissom interview Amy Keaton with Dan Keaton in the room.)
Sara: You are an inny. Amy, you e-mailed this photo of yourself to Tom Cunningham.
Dan Keaton: What's she talking about?
Amy Keaton: I have no idea.
Sara: You were having an affair with Tom Cunningham. He's just been booked on statutory rape.
Dan Keaton: What?!
Amy Keaton: It wasn't rape.
(Dan gets to his feet.)
Dan Keaton: I'm gonna to kill that son of a bitch!
Amy Keaton: Like you care who I have s*x with? I know about your parties, all the kids know, so don't get all righteous on me. (Amy turns to Sara.) I want to see Tom.
(Dan grabs Amy's hand.)
Dan Keaton: Let's go.
Grissom: Mr. Keaton, sit down, please. We're not done yet.
(Dan, Amy and Sara sit down. Grissom takes out the bar-be-cue fork in a plastic bag. He puts it on the table.)
Grissom: We retrieved this from the Cunningham's backyard. Your stepmother's blood is on the tines, and your fingerprints are on the handle. (He looks at Amy Keaton.)
(Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Tom Cunning and Vanessa Keaton are in the pool kissing when Amy Keaton walks into the back yard. She sees them together and grabs the fork. She stabs Vanessa in the back twice.)
Tom Cunningham: Easy, easy.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: The stab wounds weren't fatal, but your stepmother was knocked unconscious. It took two or three minutes for her to drown.
Grissom: That's a long time to stand around and watch someone die.
Amy Keaton: It wasn't like that.
(Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] After stabbing her, Amy shouts at Tom as he holds her wrists trying to calm her down.)
Amy Keaton: (shouts) How could you!
Tom Cunningham: Calm down!
(They both turn to look at Vanessa in the pool.)
Tom Cunningham: You need to go home, right now.
Amy Keaton: Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
(Amy turns and leaves. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Amy Keaton: (to Grissom: He was trying to protect me. (to Sara) So we put her in the fountain.
(Grissom looks from Dan to Amy.)
Amy Keaton: He loves me. Can I see him?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS]
(Sara and Grissom step out of the interview room. Together, they walk down the hallway side-by-side. For a moment, they're silent.)
Sara: Arrive as a couple, leave as a couple.
Grissom: No photos, no video.
Sara: No affairs.
Grissom: And the kids must never know.
FADE TO BLACK | Plan: A: Greg; Q: Who is the third investigator on the case? A: a gated community; Q: Where is the woman found dead in the fountain? A: a neighborhood swingers party; Q: What did the woman visit before she was found dead? A: a double homicide; Q: What does the murder of a landlord in a video arcade turn into? A: Catherine; Q: Who requests the position of day shift supervisor from Grissom? Summary: Grissom, Sara and Greg investigate when a woman is found dead in the fountain of a gated community, after visiting a neighborhood swingers party . Meanwhile, Warrick and Nick investigate the murder of a landlord in a video arcade , which develops into a double homicide. Catherine requests the position of day shift supervisor from Grissom. |
At Marco's house. Marco walks into the kitchen trying to memorize his lines
Mr. Del Rossi: Marco, we still fishing this weekend?
Marco: Yeah. Yeah of course.
Mr. Del Rossi: Louisa, I think our boy has gone crazy. Look he's talking to himself.
Marco: You're funny Pa. It's for the school play. We're hosting the city drama festival.
Mr. Del Rossi: Marco don't tell me you're becoming an actor.
Marco: No. No, this is just a favour for Mr. Simpson. I'm not becoming an actor.
Mr. Del Rossi: Right because you're running the printing business with me.
Marco: Pa we've discussed this. Social work! I want to help people.
(Mr. Del Rossi waves his hand dismissively.)
Marco: But no look. Social worker's a good job.
Mrs. Del Rossi: Cousin Lou became a social worker.
Mr. Del Rossi: Cousin Lou? Please Cousin Lou's a (fanel?)
Marco: Pa, Cousin Lou is a great guy. He helps people.
Mr. Del Rossi: Yeah, but he doesn't help his poor mother. His mother would love a grandchild one day, but from Cousin Lou, good luck!
Marco: What? So he'll adopt. It's no big deal.
Mr. Del Rossi: No big deal?! Marco, for a parent to raise a homosexual...it's like a failure, an embarrassment.
Marco: Oh really? Well let me tell you that...that I have a rehearsal and I don't know my lines. Bye.
Mr. Del Rossi: Bye, bye.
During play rehearsal, Toby is practicing with Mr. Simpson and Marco walks over to Paige who is also practicing
Paige: Stressed much?
Marco: There is no way I'm ever gonna memorize these lines.
Craig: Relax. It's not like you're the star and the school's hopes to winning this drama festival are riding on you. Wait you're Hamlet right?! It is riding on you!
Marco: Yeah. Someone remind me to kill him after I'm done memorizing this.
Paige: I'll remind you once uh you remind me why we volunteered to do this.
Marco: Because! Thought it'd be fun and because Simpson gave us that whole help me, help Degrassi speech.
Paige: Because someone knew the cute new guy had already volunteered.
Marco: Who? Tim? Okay. He's okay. I mean if you like that whole dark, mysterious thing.
Paige: Hmm. Yeah. Quelle turn off.
(Marco smiles at Tim.)
In the hallway, Emma is putting up a poster for the drama festival
Peter: Perfect.
Emma: What are you, the leaning tower of Peter? It's completely crooked.
Peter: I wasn't talking about the poster.
Emma: Okay let me set one thing straight. You are never getting anywhere with me.
Peter: Never say never.
Emma: But it's fun. Never, never, never, never, never, never, never.
Peter: Yeah it's easy to say, but it's harder to mean and you don't.
Emma: Please.
Peter: Look if you hate me so much why'd you go on a date with me the other night?
Emma: It wasn't a date. It was an appraisal.
Peter: Oh yeah and how did I do?
Emma: My files are confidential.
(Peter fixes the poster and looks at Emma.)
Peter: Now that's perfect. See you around.
In the hallway, Paige is practicing her lines with Craig when a guy pushes Tim into a locker
Random guy: Faggot!
(Craig gets angry and walks towards the guy, but Marco stops him.)
Marco: Craig don't! Don't. Tim hey! Woah, you okay?
Tim: Yeah I'm fine.
Marco: Here, dude let me take you to the nurse.
Tim: No, Marco I'm fine.
Marco: Well let me do something. Anything?
At the Dot
Marco: Hey sorry about what happened today. Degrassi's pretty cool, but there are idiots everywhere. So who have you told?
Tim: No one except my best friend...well my former best friend.
Marco: Oh. Didn't go well then I take it?
Tim: My best friend since grade 3 called me a fag and punched me in the face.
Marco: Well you'll find a new friend.
Tim: It's just I don't anybody who would even begin to get this.
Marco: You do now. Tim look I've been where you are okay? Two years ago I was you. So I can help you and I want to help you, as a friend.
Tim: Thank you Marco. You're like my Yoda.
Marco: (In a Yoda voice) Yeah well memorize lines we must, angry Simpson will be! Inside Degrassi, Emma is trying to sell tickets to the drama festival, but no one is stopping
Emma: Tickets for the drama festival. Tickets? Tickets for the drama festival. Tickets.
Peter: Allow me.
(He takes the tickets and walks over to a random girl.)
Peter: Hi I'm Peter. Degrassi is hosting the city drama festival. It's a really prestigious event. It's gonna do a lot for our school so we're asking everyone to come out and show their support. Thank you.
(Peter gives Emma the money.)
Peter: Selling's in my blood. My dad's a car salesman. Imports mainly.
Emma: Maybe he could give me some pointers. I could sure use some.
Peter: I'll give you some pointers. Say today, 4PM, the Dot.
Emma: I walked right into that one.
Peter: Come on. Just go out with me again!
Emma: Okay Peter, my best friend hates you. I can't be seen talking to you. You need to back off.
(Peter sees Manny and walks away.)
Manny: Was he bothering you?
Emma: It's okay.
Manny: It's not. He was harassing you. We need to do something about him.
At school
Tim: Marco I'm such an idiot. I left my computer on and I forgot to log out.
Marco: Classic beginners mistake.
Tim: My dad sat down and there it was, a gay teens chat room. So he confronted me and the next thing I know I'm out the door running.
Marco: Oh my god. Where'd you go?
Tim: Nowhere. Everywhere. I just had to keep moving. It's scary out there.
Marco: Tim you can't do that again. It's dangerous. You have to go home.
Tim: What if he kicks me out?
Marco: We'll figure it out then, but first you got to go home and face your dad.
Tim: Right and tell him what?
Marco: Just tell him the truth. I mean you have to show him the real you right? Show him the Tim that you've been hiding all these years.
Tim: So I just waltz up to my dad and say I'm gay, and then what?
Marco: Well okay first, he'll lose it. It'll get nasty and ugly, but then in time he'll see who you really are and he'll wake up one morning and he'll say my son's gay and that's alright.
Tim: Okay. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it Marco. I'm gonna tell him. At school, Peter is talking to some girl and Emma walks over
Peter: The band's gonna be really good. They're gonna play some hits and some of their own stuff. It's gonna be good. The guitarist is so good. My friend's the drummer.
Emma: Am I interrupting?
Peter: Only slightly. (He turns back to the girl) Look my dad's gonna be out of town so there's nothing in the way of us having fun. Just come.
(The girl smiles and leaves.)
Emma: You're having a party.
Peter: You're busy with the festival remember?
Emma: Which I can't believe you're bailing on.
Peter: I have more than enough drama in my life these days.
Emma: What's that supposed to mean?
Peter: You blow hot and cold Emma. You flirt and then you shut me down. Face it you're a tease.
Emma: Well you're a jerk!
At Marco's house, there's a knock at the door and Tim walks in crying
Marco: Oh Tim. Woah. What are you doing here?
Tim: I'm sorry Marco. I got your address off the play contact list. I have nowhere else to go. Look I did it just like you said. I came out to my dad and he kicked me out.
Marco: Okay.
(Tim hugs Marco.)
Tim: He actually kicked me out.
Mr. Del Rossi: Marco what's going on in here?
Marco: Nothing. Pa this is my friend Tim. He's upset.
Mrs. Del Rossi: Let's go back to the dining room.
Tim: No. No I'm sorry for barging in like this. It's just...I just came out to my dad.
Mr. Del Rossi: Came out. Came out where?
Marco: No he got in a fight with his dad...over the play. His dad, his dad just doesn't like him being an actor.
Mr. Del Rossi: I can understand. Acting's not a real job. It's for the...
Marco: Papa can you leave us alone? Please.
(His parents walk back to the dining room.)
Marco: Tim okay let me explain. This is...
Tim: Don't Marco. Just don't.
At Marco's, the next day
Mrs. Del Rossi: Tim we'll see you again tonight?
Marco: Yeah. Hey my mom's right. You're more than welcome to stay here. Make me feel better. I feel kind of responsible.
Mr. Del Rossi: Responsible? What did you do?
Marco: Nothing Pa. I just talked Tim into joining the cast.
Mr. Del Rossi: Yeah Tim, I don't understand. I don't much like acting, but your father, he kicked you out because of that?
Tim: See my father thinks acting is a waste of time. What do you think Marco? You know about acting, about pretending to be someone you're not?
Marco: I don't know bud, but guess you just gotta play the part as written.
Tim: Yeah, but you're so good at it. I mean when you act you're like Pacino. You fool everybody. Thank you. Um I have to go.
Marco: Mom, dad, here are the tickets. Festival starts at noon.
[SCENE_BREAK]
At Emma's house
Manny: Faux il déteste la fouille (?). Um how do I spell déteste?
Emma: Déteste as in hate? P-E-T-E-R.
Manny: Okay that's at least 10 Peter references in the last 2 hours.
Emma: I just hate what he did to you and waiting for karma to get him is boring me.
Manny: It won't actually be karma. It'll be a girl, Achilles' heel-like.
Emma: Manuella! You're such a genius. An eye for an eye.
(Emma shows her cell phone.)
Manny: Baby that's a telephone and you might want to use it to call the men in white coats because they pick up.
Emma: It's a camera phone.
Manny: So?
Emma: So Peter needs to learn that paybacks are hell and I happen to think he needs to learn it from us.
Manny: And that's why you're my best friend in the whole wide world.
Emma: Time for a picture. Cheese!
(They take a picture.)
In the hallway
Paige: Nervous?
Marco: Yeah not because of the play though. Tim stayed over last night
Paige: I hope you were safe.
Marco: What? No! Totally missing the point. Look he came out to his dad who then, get this, promptly kicked him out.
Paige: Wow. I just went from excitement to horror in 5 seconds. Acting has put me in touch with my emotions.
Marco: Paige this is so my fault. Okay I, well I kinda made him think that I already was out to my dad.
Paige: Your dad? The guy who thinks you listen to Britney in the car because it puts chicks in the mood.
Marco: I know. I was just trying to help him okay? Inspire him, be his mentor...his Yoda.
Paige: Too late, it is not.
Marco: Yeah believe me. It definitely is. Tim hates me.
Paige: He won't. Not after you come out to your father. At Peter's party, Peter is talking to the same girl as before, but walks over to Emma when he sees her
Peter: Emma.
Emma: Were you expecting someone else?
Peter: Not expecting. Maybe hoping.
Emma: Well I was hoping you'd accept an apology. I was being unfair sending mixed signals.
Peter: So what's the signal now?
Emma: Green. For go.
Peter: Let's see what we can do. During the drama festival, another group finishes on stage
Ms. Hatzilakos: That was a scene from Pygmalion Play by David Jones and Jen Walker from Carson Town.
(Backstage Mr. Simpson is stressing out and Marco is rehearsing.)
Craig: Mr. Simpson you gotta breathe.
(He breathes.)
Marco: And by a sleep to say we end. The heart-ache by the thousand...and the thousand natural shocks-
Mr. Del Rossi: Marco. You called?
Marco: I did, yeah. Um pa we need to talk.
Mr. Del Rossi: Sure.
(They walk outside.)
Marco: Before the play starts, Pa there's something that I need to talk to you about. It's actually about Tim. I've been helping him lately because he's younger and he's confused. He's gay and Tim thought that you already-
Mr. Del Rossi: No! You brought him into my house?
Marco: No pa I'm trying to tell you something. It's not about Tim.
Mr. Del Rossi: I don't want to hear about it. That boy is going home. I do not want a queer under my roof.
Marco: What if you already have one?
Mr. Del Rossi: You'll be late for your play.
Marco: Pa.
Mr. Del Rosi: I gotta go find your mother. I don't know where she is. You know how she gets. She gets lost so easily.
Marco: What? What? You're gonna pretend?
Mr. Del Rossi: I gotta go find her!
(He leaves quickly.)
Marco: You're gonna pretend I didn't say anything to you. Pa!
Craig: (On stage) And thy best graces spend it at thy will! But now my cousin Hamlet and my son. Hamlet?
(Marco walks on stage.)
Marco: A little more than kin and less than kind.
At Peter's house, Peter and Emma are making out and she's taking off his clothes
Emma: Undo some things! No silly on you.
Peter: My. I'm sorry about the room or whatever.
Emma: It's okay. Can we just...
Peter: It's just...I hate it.
Emma: What your belt?
Peter: No I just wish I could take you someplace better. It's just my dad practically uses this place as a storage locker...threw me in here with everything else he doesn't want.
Emma: Wow. You have no private space. I can't do this. My room since the baby, I'm stuck in the basement with the laundry and the mold and Snake's old bowling shoes, so I can relate.
(Emma walks over to Peter and kisses him.)
Emma: I need to go. Smile.
(She takes a picture of him with her phone before leaving.)
During the play
Marco: Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times, and now...
Tim: (Whispering) How abhorred!
Marco: ...how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at it. And here hung those lips that I...
(Marco stops and walk to the front of the stage.)
Marco: I'm sorry. Sorry. I have to do this. Dad! I'm gay.
(His dad walks out of the theatre and his mom follows.)
Paige: (Quietly) Way to go Marco.
Marco: Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft.
At Emma's house, Manny is reading a magazine
Manny: Did you get awesome shots of his flat goofy butt? Does hilarity ensue? Will I laugh, cry, pee?
Emma: Manny it didn't work.
Manny: No!
Emma: He barely noticed me. I guess I'm a lousy Bond girl.
Manny: We'll get him next time don't worry and we'll put laxatives in his food right before a test and kabaam!
Emma: That'd be funny.
Manny: Yeah.
(Manny goes back to her magazine and Emma lies down looking at the picture she took on her phone.)
At Marco's house
Mrs. Del Rossi: Marco. How was the rest of the play?
Marco: After my little bit of improve it's not bad I guess. We didn't win.
Mr. Del Rossi: I have work early tomorrow.
Marco: So we're not gonna talk about this?
Mr. Del Rossi: I'm too tired for talking.
Marco: No Pa, stop! Stop. Did you ever know? Huh? All these years. Pa did you ever know that I was gay?
Mr. Del Rossi: Stop saying that!
Marco: I can't! Pa it's taken me 17 years to say it. I'm gay. Gay. I am totally gay.
Mr. Del Rossi: This is funny to you?
Marco: No! No Pa! This is not funny at all! I just came out to you in front of the entire school. Does that sound like a joke to you?
Mr. Del Rossi: Look you're my boy and I love you. You're the best son a father could ever want, but this part of you, I don't want to know. I can't know about.
Marco: Then you don't want to know me.
(His father walks away.)
Mrs. Del Rossi: He will, Marco. One day.
Marco: Yeah. One day.
Scenes for next week
Spinner: (To the camera) My best friend wants a party and my girlfriend wants to pray. How can I do both?
Voiceover: A weekend retreat has Spinner questioning the group's message.
Some guy: Anything you want to be forgiven for? What about your friend Jimmy?
Voiceover: Will they push him too far?
Spinner: (Sarcastically) Thanks Darcy. No brainwashing huh?
Voiceover: Or is he coming around?
Darcy: All you need to do is believe, okay? | Plan: A: his own reality; Q: What does Marco face while helping Tim? A: contemplates; Q: What does Marco do about coming out to his father? A: Emma; Q: Who likes the attention Peter gives her? A: Manny; Q: Who does Emma think Peter's attention would hurt? Summary: While helping his new friend Tim, Marco faces his own reality and contemplates coming out to his father. Meanwhile, Emma likes the attention Peter gives her, even though she knows it would hurt Manny. |
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously, on Veronica Mars... Veronica stares down at the unconscious, pregnant Meg in episode 209 "My Mother, the Fiend." Cut to Duncan and Veronica in the lunch area at Neptune High in episode 210 "One Angry Veronica."
DUNCAN: This has nothing to do with us.
VERONICA: No, your secret illegitimate child affects neither you nor me.
Stewart Manning stands over Veronica and Duncan with a baseball bat and complains to Lamb in episode 207 "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner."
MR. MANNING: We found them in my daughter's room.
VERONICA: We were trying to help Grace!
MR. MANNING: Shut up!
VERONICA: They've been abusing her, they had her locked in the closet!
MR. MANNING: Shut your evil little--
From her hospital bed, Meg expresses her concerns about the baby in episode 210 "One Angry Veronica."
MEG: Their adoption contracts are all about religious indoctrination. When I think of my child brought up like that... Veronica listens in horror. Cut to Celeste and Astrid facing Duncan and Veronica at his suite at the Neptune Grand in episode 209 "My Mother, the Fiend."
CELESTE: Astrid, if you're done gaping... Flash forward to Veronica and Astrid in Duncan's bedroom.
VERONICA: How can you put up with her?
ASTRID: She promised to pay my way through grad school.
CELESTE: We're leaving. Now.
Cut to Keith sitting on Veronica's bed, giving her the bad news from episode 210 "One Angry Veronica."
KEITH: Honey, there's something I need to tell you. Meg died.
VERONICA: The baby?
KEITH: She survived.
Keith hugs a tearful Veronica. End previously.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LIFT.
Logan's hand presses the button marked "PH." Just as the doors are closing, footsteps can be heard running towards the elevator. It's Veronica, dressed in her Java the Hut uniform. She pushes the doors back open. She sees Logan. She boards without acknowledging him, moving to the back, next to him, turning to face the doors, which are sliding shut again. She crosses her arms.
LOGAN: [lightly] Hi ho. Veronica considers this a moment before deciding to take offence. She turns her head to glare at him.
VERONICA: What did you say?
LOGAN: [innocently] Oh, your uniform. Hi-ho, it's off to work you go.
Veronica considers this for a moment before smiling.
VERONICA: I guess that makes me Snow White.
LOGAN: You must be on your way up to see Mopey.
VERONICA: How's he doing, Sleazy?
LOGAN: Wouldn't know, he doesn't come out of his room. Old Italian ladies don't grieve like this.
He smirks.
LOGAN: Boy, he must've really loved Meg.
VERONICA: Well, then there's that other thing. You know, he can't see his baby.
LOGAN: A baby? How'd that happen?
Veronica doesn't rise to the bait.
INT - NEPUTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE.
Veronica opens the door into the suite and stands back, gesturing for Logan to precede her into the room. He walks in and past her, and she shuts the door. Logan stops in the lounge area, taking off his jacket, as Veronica passes him to go to Duncan's bedroom.
LOGAN: There she goes, the angel of mercy. Time to fake the donut. He falls onto the couch. He turns his head to observe Veronica, who has entered Duncan's bedroom, but stands transfixed by the entrance..
LOGAN: Uh oh. Did you catch him waxing his board? Veronica is frozen, looking towards the room's bathroom. The sound of a shower ceases.
VERONICA: What are you doing here? Kendall emerges from the shower, wrapped only in a towel. She is momentarily nonplussed to see Veronica, but recovers quickly.
KENDALL: I was invited. How 'bout you? Veronica turns on her heel and walks out of the room and the suite. Logan, bemused, gets up from the sofa and walks into Duncan's room. Kendall has her back to him, having ditched the towel, and is just slipping into a bathrobe. He smirks broadly.
LOGAN: Lost? Kendall turns to face him.
KENDALL: Oh, quit standing there so smug. Tomorrow you're just gonna call me at two in the morning saying you want some company. For your information, that really doesn't satisfy me, Logan.
LOGAN: Really? You always come.
Kendall adopts a sardonically rueful expression and nods her head slightly as she turns away.
EXT - NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL (NHS) - DAY.
Veronica gazes intently as students arrive at school. Dick comes to stand next to her, watching out with her.
DICK: Logan told me what happened. Veronica frowns a little.
DICK: You gotta let it go, Ronnie. Veronica turns to glare at him.
DICK: Take a deep breath, let it go. Veronica makes a "whatever" face and resumes her vigil.
DICK: If you're gonna date an heir to billions, the occasional afternoon quickie... She looks back at him again. DICK:...you gotta let it slide. Cost of doing business, you know? Seriously, girls like Kendall, they let you do things that girls like you... Veronica raises an eyebrow.
DICK: Well, let's just say you should be thankful. Vile stuff, you know. Really vile stuff.
VERONICA: Move, Dick.
DICK: Just tryin' to be helpful.
Dick backs away. Veronica turns back to observe the crowd and sees Duncan. With an unhappy but determined look on her face, she walks forward to meet him. Duncan, who doesn't look pleased to see her, slows to a halt.
VERONICA: So, where were you yesterday?
DUNCAN: I stayed home.
VERONICA: No you didn't. I came by.
Duncan starts slowly forward and Veronica follows.
DUNCAN: I stayed home, then in the afternoon I went for a drive.
VERONICA: I called your cell ten times.
DUNCAN: I had it turned off.
VERONICA: Yeah, I figured that out.
DUNCAN: [frustrated] God, what's your problem? I needed some time to think.
Veronica brings them to a halt again, turning to face Duncan.
VERONICA: [angry] My problem? Starts with finding Kendall in your shower. There are students all around them, witnessing their argument.
DUNCAN: Kendall? She probably got the bedrooms confused.
VERONICA: Don't lie to me! I trusted you the first time, but not anymore. I'm nobody's fool.
The students behind Veronica, sitting around the flagpole, are captivated by the drama.
DUNCAN: Perfect. Meg's dead, I can't see my daughter, but by all means, Veronica, let's make this about you. Why shouldn't be like any other day? Veronica is close to shouting.
VERONICA: God, shut up about Meg already! I'M alive! I'M your girlfriend! Duncan blows out a heavy breath.
DUNCAN: [calmly] Not anymore. Duncan turns and walks away. The crowd make a collective "Burn!" sound, as Veronica's mouth falls open.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE.
Veronica chooses a CD from her bookcase. She pulls out the soundtrack to "The Virgin Suicides." She loads her player. Music: "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" by Al Green.
LYRICS: I can think of younger days when living for my life Was everything a man could want to do I could never see tomorrow I was never told about the sorrow And how can you mend a broken heart?
In the kitchen, Keith pauses as he is making a sandwich. He looks towards the door to Veronica's room, hearing the music. In her room, Veronica is lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Cut to Veronica as she opens her bedroom door and comes out into the front room. Keith is sitting on the couch, reading the paper and stroking Backup, who is lying on the couch next to him. He watches Veronica as she silently and listlessly gets a bowl, cereal and milk, and takes them to her room. She slams the bedroom door shut with her foot. Keith sighs before returning to his reading. End music: "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" by Al Green. Music: "The Air That I Breathe" by the Hollies.
LYRICS: Nothing to eat, no books to read Making love with you Has left me peaceful, warm and tired What more could I ask There's nothing left to be desired Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak So sleep, silent angel, go to sleep Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe And to love you All I need is the air that I breathe Yes to love you
Keith lies in bed listening to the music. He finally gets up and a shot of his clock, sitting in front of a picture of a very young Veronica, shows that it is 6:27 in the morning. In her bedroom, Veronica is sitting cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by pictures and memorabilia of herself and Duncan. She is taking a picture of the two of them out of its frame.
KEITH: [offscreen] Veronica?
VERONICA: Sorry! I'll turn it down.
KEITH: [offscreen] I'm coming in.
Keith enters her room behind her. She doesn't turn around.
KEITH: Honey...
VERONICA: I'm okay.
Keith kneels down behind her, looking over her shoulder at the items on the floor.
KEITH: You remember I'm a detective, right? A pretty good one? Veronica glances back towards him briefly.
VERONICA: Duncan and I broke up.
KEITH: Yeah, I got that. Is there anything I can do?
Veronica shakes her head.
VERONICA: Thanks. Really, I just need some time. She sighs heavily.
KEITH: Anything you need, honey, I'm here. Veronica looks crushed. She turns her head and gives Keith a watery smile. Keith smiles back, stands and leaves the room. Once the door is closed, the camera closes in on Veronica's devastated face. She swallows hard. End music: "The Air That I Breathe" by the Hollies.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE.
Weevil stands in front of the large piece of art that decorates the lounge area.
WEEVIL: It's down to two guys: Hector or Bootsy. Logan is leaning against the display case, nursing a cup.
WEEVIL: One of them stabbed Felix. Thumper says they were the only two left on the bridge with you and him.
LOGAN: So how we gonna figure out who did it?
WEEVIL: The one that did it is the one who's in business with the Fitzpatricks. He's got a pipeline of coke, meth, and E. You know anyone who can--
LOGAN: Yeah. I'll handle it.
Weevil nods.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY.
Music: "I Don't Want To Wait" by Paula Cole.
LYRICS: I don't want to wait for our lives to be over I want to know right now what will it be
Veronica is lying on the floor, stroking the underside of Backup's neck as the dog licks her face. A light comes on and Veronica glances up before returning to staring into space.
WALLACE: [offscreen] Oh, that's just pathetic. The shot widens to show Wallace standing at the door to Veronica's room. He strides in, heading straight for the CD player.
WALLACE: Up! Get up! He snaps off the machine. End music: "I Don't Want to Wait" by Paula Cole.
WALLACE: I came over here to see Veronica Mars. Who's this...emo girl?
VERONICA: Leave me alone, I'm wallowing.
Wallace makes a cut-throat gesture.
WALLACE: Not anymore. Wallace sits down on the chair at Veronica's desk.
WALLACE: We're going out. We gotta go see a movie, or get in a bar fight, or something.
VERONICA: I don't wanna get it a bar fight.
WALLACE: Tough, 'cause you're goin' if I have to drag you. But, before we do...Veronica! Shower! You smell bad.
VERONICA: You're not helping. You think you're helping, but you're not.
Wallace pulls a ticket from his back pocket.
WALLACE: You'll be needing this. Veronica finally rolls over to face Wallace, holding herself up on her elbow.
VERONICA: And what's that?
WALLACE: A ticket to tomorrow night's basketball game.
VERONICA: Ah, he reveals his true colours.
WALLACE: That's right. I bleed the gold and green. [in an increasingly "Arr" pirate accent] I'm a Pirate born, a Pirate bred. And when me die...
VERONICA: A Pirate dead? Big talk from a guy who only moved back to Neptune to play ball.
Wallace grins.
VERONICA: If your Chicago high school hadn't their tryouts last year, you'd still be there.
WALLACE: And if "if"s and "but"s were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas.
VERONICA: What does that mean?
WALLACE: No clue. Something my mom says.
KEITH: [offscreen] Veronica, can you come here?
Both Veronica and Wallace get up and walk out of the bedroom. Veronica sees Keith at the door of the apartment. Lamb is there, staring at her, another deputy at his side.
KEITH: Honey, Duncan's missing.
VERONICA: What do you mean, he's missing?
KEITH: He's taken--
LAMB: He's kidnapped the Manning baby. But you already know that, don't you?
VERONICA: What?
LAMB: Veronica Mars, you're under arrest as an accomplice in the abduction, in the disappearance of Faith Manning.
Veronica looks astonished and glances at Keith. Lamb holds up handcuffs. Keith swallows and stares at his daughter. Behind her, Wallace reacts silently as Veronica frowns at Lamb. Opening credits.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.
There's a line-up going on. The camera pans across the faces. The first woman looks like a sleepy hooker, the second smiles inanely, the third is a tall business-like woman or possibly a transvestite, the fourth has a Courtney Love vibe, and the fifth is Veronica, looking gob-smacked. Veronica looks down the line.
OFFICER: [offscreen] Number five, step forward. The camera pulls back to the whole line-up. Cut to a little later. Veronica is in one of the interrogation rooms, her head resting on her hands on the table. The door behind her opens and two men walk in. They take the seats on the other side of the table.
VERONICA: What was that all about? It is Keith, looking very serious, and Cliff, jacketless and looking harried.
CLIFF: You were picked out of the line-up by a merchant from the L.A. jewellery district.
VERONICA: Oh.
KEITH: What do you mean, "Oh"? I was expecting shock and indignation.
Keith is unsettled by her reaction.
VERONICA: Yeah, I know what they must be thinking.
CLIFF: The witness claims you sold him some five-carat diamond earrings for eighty thousand dollars. Earrings that belong to Celeste Kane. The sheriff thinks you're an accomplice, and that you helped Duncan plan and finance this kidnapping.
VERONICA: That's a lot of thinking for Lamb. He may tire himself out.
Keith bangs on the table and Veronica jumps in her seat.
KEITH: This is not a joke. This is kidnapping. What Duncan's done is wrong and if you've helped him in any way you're going to prison. Now straighten up.
VERONICA: I did sell the earrings, Duncan asked me to. But not to finance a kidnapping. We had a plan.
KEITH: A plan?
VERONICA: A plan to get custody of the baby. Legally. Duncan wanted to hire a lawyer, but he needed money.
CLIFF: Did you know the earrings were Celeste's?
VERONICA: I didn't ask.
KEITH: Veronica.
VERONICA: I figured they were, but his parents didn't want Duncan adopting. Celeste isn't quite ready to be a grandmother.
KEITH: Veronica, listen to me clearly. You're gonna cooperate with Lamb. You're going to answer every question he asks, truthfully. And when Duncan Kane is found - and he will be found - there's gonna be no doubt whose side you are on in all this. Understood?
Veronica stares at Keith. Cut to later. Sacks opens the door to Lamb's office. A resigned-looking Veronica is behind him.
SACKS: Here's Veronica for you. Lamb looks up as Veronica enters the room. His visitors also watch her. It's Celeste Kane and Vinnie Vanlowe..
VINNIE VANLOWE: Hey, Veronica! What's the haps?
VERONICA: Oh, you know. I didn't think there'd be air conditioning, but, other than that, this is pretty much how I pictured Hell.
CELESTE: She knows where my son is, Sheriff, I guarantee it. If she doesn't cooperate fully, I want her prosecuted for her involvement in the theft of my jewellery.
Veronica frowns.
VERONICA: What are you doing here?
VINNIE: Big case, missing person. So where do you got him stashed?
Veronica widens her eyes at him..
LAMB: All right, enough. I'll ask the questions. You're only here as a guest of Mrs. Kane. Mrs. Kane, word of advice: private investigators just make the work of law enforcement officers more difficult. Save your money. We'll find Duncan, we'll bring him in safely. Celeste gets up to leave.
VERONICA: It's kind of weird, huh. Hoping Lamb is competent, rather than betting he's not.
CELESTE: [to Lamb] Keep me posted on any developments.
Celeste exits, pausing at the door to address Veronica.
CELESTE: I find comfort in knowing the child isn't yours.
VERONICA: Let's hope she's got your smile.
CELESTE: Mr. Vanlowe?
Vinnie, whose feet have been resting on Lamb's desk, makes a great show of pulling them off and getting up from his chair. He too pauses at the door, making the "I'm watching you" gestures at her, last seen in episode 117 "Kanes and Abel's." Veronica just stares at him. He follows up by bringing his thumb and pinkie up to the side of his head in the representation of a telephone. He mouths "Call me," cocks his head and leaves. Veronica rolls her eyes and moves into Lamb's office.
LAMB: Sit. Veronica does, almost petulant. Lamb pulls a pad of paper out from a drawer and slaps it down in front of her. He drops a pen on top.
LAMB: Write down everything you can think of. You know what I'm looking for. Fake IDs, secret credit cards, hiding spots, favourite restaurants, anyone who might let him borrow a car, or a vacation home...
VERONICA: Let me ask you a question. Do you think the baby is better off now, with Duncan? Or with the Mannings?
LAMB: I should've busted you that night. Now my ass is in a sling if I don't find the Kane kid. You're not going home tonight unless that pad is full. When this is all over, if you left anything off, I will make it my mission to put you in prison as an accessory.
Veronica leans forward, unenthusiastically, and grabs the pen and pad. She glares at Lamb, but starts to write.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE.
"Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball" is being played on the screen. Hitomi and Kasumi are 2-3 down in a game against Lisa and Lei Fang. Kasumi serves to Lei Fang who returns to Hitomi. Sporadic grunts and cries emanate from the screen as the game goes on. Dick, on the floor, and Logan, on the couch, are playing.
DICK: Dig it out, baby, dig it out. Make daddy proud.
LOGAN: Hey, listen, I need you to do me a favour.
DICK: It's not that favour Bobby Brown does for Whitney, is it?
Logan laughs (as he is not asking Dick to ease his constipation).
LOGAN: No.
DICK: Yeah, then whatev.
LOGAN: Yeah, I need you to try to buy some Ecstasy from a couple PCHers.
DICK: Yeah, no sweat. I'm like this...
He crosses his fingers.
DICK: ...with those guys. Dick's team loses the point.
DICK: Oh, no, honey. Bad set, bad set. Don't make daddy hose you down. Logan smiles and looks down at Dick.
LOGAN: You're not real complicated, are you, Dick? Dick shrugs slightly.
DICK: Try not to be.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.
Veronica finishes writing. She slaps the pad and pen on the desk.
VERONICA: That's everything. She takes her jacket off of the chair and rises to leave. Lamb picks up the pad.
LAMB: Better be. Veronica glances back at him before walking out of the office. She exits the sheriff's department part of the building, emerging into the hallway. Vinnie is doing vertical, one-handed push-ups off the drinks machine. Veronica pauses.
VERONICA: Waiting for your girlfriend to make bail?
VINNIE: No, no, no. Her shift ends at five. I'm waiting for you, V-dog.
They walk towards each other, meeting halfway.
VERONICA: What for?
VINNIE: I thought maybe you'd tell me where you're keeping Duncan, save us all some time, you know, earn some karma points.
VERONICA: I have no idea where he is, and if I did, you would be the...
Veronica counts on her fingers.
VERONICA: ...last person I'd tell.
VINNIE: Am I hearing you right? Because you'd tell Osama bin Laden before you'd tell me? Because back in my day, we had a little thing called patriotism.
Vinnie salutes. With a look of disgust, Veronica moves to pass him. He puts out his arms to detain her.
VINNIE: Here, hold on, hold on, hold on. It's negotiation, right? Okay, let's say I sweeten the pot. Let's make it... He looks around surreptitiously. VINNIE:...five thousand dollars, the karma points are yours to keep, and if you act now, I'll throw in a free set of steak knives. Veronica uses crazed sign language to get Vinnie to understand what she is saying.
VERONICA: I don't know where he is. She walks away as Vinnie calls after her.
VINNIE: All right, say no more. I gave it a shot. Can't blame a guy for that. Vinnie heads in the opposite direction, satisfied with the encounter. Having disappeared around the corner, Veronica returns.
VERONICA: Hey, Vinnie! Dropped your pen in my bag. Vinnie makes a "Caught" face before turning back to face her.
VINNIE: You sure it's mine? I don't think I'm missing a pen. Veronica examines it closely, reading from the casing.
VERONICA: "Sugar's Cabaret Invitational Long Ball Championship." Veronica pulls a face and starts to unscrew the pen, much to Vinnie's disappointment. Inside, a wire protrudes from the ink cartridge, indicating that it is a bug.
VERONICA: Pretty sure it's yours. With a half-smile, Veronica screws the pen back together and tosses it to him. He reaches up to catch it in high arc. Veronica turns to go again.
VINNIE: Veronica. She pauses, somewhat impatient.
VINNIE: Seventy-two hours from now, I'm gonna have that kid back. And you'll wish you had those steak knives. Vinnie turns and walks away from her. He tosses the pen up from the hand behind his back, over his shoulder, catching it in front of his body with the same hand..
INT - NHS, CLASSROOM - DAY.
Veronica and other students are in front of computer screens. Coach Preppernau is taking a computer class again. He walks along the line of students.
PREPPERNAU: Right. Next question in the Search Engine Olympics. Contestants, get ready. What is the varsity boys' basketball team's record in district play? Go! Veronica starts to type.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: I kill in this game. She enters "wallace fennel" into the PlanetZowie search engine and hits search.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: See, while my nimrod classmates are typing in "Neptune High basketball" and getting fifty pages of results... The results are displayed on her screen. The first heading reads: "Chicago Statesman - Public School Boy's Basketball: Box scores for the complete 2005-2006 season...Wallace Fennel with 5 assists and 4 rebounds in...The Storm looks to unseat defending division champions...www.chichagstatesman.com/ - 72k - Cached - Similar pages." The second entry reads: "The Storm Surge: Fennel has become a welcome addition to the Storm roster...While I cannot see Storm...without Rucker...Wallace should provide ample scoring opportunities...feelthestorm.html - 26k - Cached - Similar pages." The third entry reads:" Local Box Scores - Trevor Hale High School: Complete season 2005-2006 updates, schedules...Wallace Fennel with 5 assists and 4 rebounds...Phoenix boys put up quite a fight against the favorites...trevorhalehigh/ - 47k - Cached - Similar pages." The fourth entry reads: "Weekly Basketball Score Report: - 2 points, 3 assists, 1 rebound...Fennel, Wallace - 3 points,7 assists, 2 rebounds...Fennel connected with Rashard Rucker for a...." Veronica clicks on the first result. The Chicago Statesman page is headed with banner "Enjoying the wonderful we..." The grey, dingy background is possibly explained by the information in the title banner: "19° 'Blistering Cold'." The online newspaper's sections include Front Page, News, Sports, Finance, Entertainment, Classifieds, Editorials, and Lifebeat, listed across the top, and Automobiles, Real Estate, Workplace, Subscriptions and Yellow Pages in a side panel. Under that is a list of Home Teams - Bears, Blackhawks, Bulls, Cubs and others. The panels on the right feature columnists ("Duvall: Misogyny rampant among male...") and top stories ("On First: Sc...results from...;" "Ginsberg re...score;" "Rudolfo trac...moment too...."). More search results from the paper's own database are displayed in the centre, under the heading Public School: Boy's Basketball - Trevor Hale HS: "Trevor Hale 73 - NLCP 69: A rare, regular season matchup of public Trevor Hale and charter NLCP proved to be a nail biter. Box Score;" "Trevor Hale 67 - Yates 45: Another yawning pummeling by The Storm on the still-green Foxes. Box Score;" "Trevor Hale 71 - St. Michael's 50: The public school boys took to their last Catholic school..."
VERONICA VOICEOVER: ...all I have to do is type in Wallace's name, then click the most recent box score, then... Veronica is increasingly puzzled by what she sees. She clicks for the box scores. The first is for the game against NLCP which replicates the information above and then adds: "Points: Dunn, 9; Fennel, 13; Johnson, 7; Mercer, 12; Rucker, 23; Thompson, 9. Assists: Dunn, 1; Fennel, 14; Mercer, 3; Rucker, 7; Thompson, 4. Rebounds: Dunn, 8; Fennel, 3; Johnson, 8; Rucker, 7; Thompson, 6.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: ...box scores from Chicago? She clicks "Previous" and the scores come up for the 67-45 win over Yates. The description is the same as on the front page again. The scores are: "Points: Baker, 6; Fennel, 11; Johnson, 3; Mercer, 14; Rucker, 25; Thompson, 8. Assists: Baker, 4; Fennel, 13; Mercer, 1; Rucker, 2; Thompson, 7. Rebounds: Baker, 7; Dunn, 1; Fennel, 2; Johnson, 7; Rucker, 7; Thompson, 11." Veronica clicks "Previous" again and comes up with the game against St. Michaels, the full description of which is "The public school boys took to their last Catholic school appearance with triple-double digits for Rucker." The scores are: "Points: Baker, 7; Dunn, 4; Fennel, 13; Johnson, 4; Mackenzie, 6; Mercer, 9; Rucker, 25; Thompson, 3. Assists: Baker, 3; Dunn, 1; Fennel, 16; Johnson, 3; Mercer, 2; Rucker, 10; Thompson, 1. Rebounds: Dunn, 3; Fennel, 4; Johnson, 7; Rucker, 10; Thompson, 11."
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Wallace lied. He didn't come back to Neptune to play basketball. She clicks again. This one is headed "Trevor Hale 58 - Palmer 57: Trevor Hale edged out perennial contender, Palmer, in their closest game of the season. Points: Dunn, 3; Fennel, 11; Johnson, 4; Mackenzie, 5; Mercer, 7; Rucker, 21; Thompson, 6. Assists: Baker, 1; Fennel, 17; Johnson, 1; Mercer, 3; Rucker, 8; Thompson, 3. Rebounds: Dunn, 4; Fennel, 2; Johnson, 9; Rucker, 2; Thompson, 8."
VERONICA VOICEOVER: By the looks of this, he was having a dream season in Chicago. Veronica stares at the screen.
INT - NHS, HALLWAY - DAY.
Logan is at his locker, a top one, swapping books. Amongst the posters behind him is one urging "Attention Due: College Financial and Applications Due." Dick joins him.
LOGAN: Hey, what's the word?
DICK: Well, the one they call Bootsy told me no, and went on to suggest I perform sexual intercourse upon my own person.
LOGAN: Hm. Doesn't he understand? If you could do that, you'd never come to school.
Dick lets out a soundless whistle.
DICK: Boy, that's the truth.
LOGAN: And Hector?
DICK: Sold me ten hits of E.
Dick reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box. He hands it to Logan.
DICK: Mint? Logan looks down at the box. He rests it on the book in his hand and makes to write on it.
LOGAN: I gave you enough cash for twenty.
DICK: Hey, he gave me the 09er discount.
Logan stills his pen and looks over at Dick. Dick slaps him on the arm as he backs away.
DICK: Charged me double. Logan kicks out at him.
LOGAN: And you paid it?
DICK: What's time to a hog?
Dick disappears around the corner, watched by a grinning Logan, who then returns to his preparation of the box. He writes "Hector" onto it in black magic marker. He replaces the pen's cap, put it in his locker, and starts to shut it, looking around the hallway. He spots his target, slams the locker door shut and strides into the hall, accidentally-on-purpose bumping into Weevil.
WEEVIL: Get off me, boy. Weevil glares at Logan. Logan looks back and doffs an imaginary cap on his head in a derisive "Yes, sir" gesture. Weevil moves on a few paces, closer to the lockers and some privacy, before looking at the small box in his hand and reading the name thereon.
BORDER PATROL OFFICER: [offscreen] If he came through the border, Sheriff, it was probably before anyone knew the baby was missing.
EXT - US/MEXICO BORDER - DAY.
The customs agent, last seen in 105 "You Think You Know Somebody," is talking on his cell phone. There are shouts and the sounds of car horns blaring all around him.
BORDER PATROL OFFICER: We'd like to consider scaling the searches back.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING.
Lamb is at this desk, checking Veronica's notes, still attached to the pad.
LAMB: You know, I don't think he's left town yet.
EXT - US/MEXICO BORDER - CONTINUING.
The customs agent is standing between two rows of stopped cars. Other agents are searching them.
BORDER PATROL OFFICER: It's really a zoo down here. If you could see it--
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING.
LAMB: I understand perfectly what this is doing at the border crossing.
EXT - US/MEXICO BORDER - CONTINUING.
LAMB: [offscreen] Let me give it some thought.
BORDER PATROL OFFICER: I'd appreciate if you would, Sheriff. We could really use some relief.
The customs agent drops the phone, missing Lamb's reassurances as he gazes on the traffic jam in front of him.
LAMB: [offscreen] Listen, I'm gonna check...got the Feds coming in...
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - CONTINUING.
Sacks pokes his head into Lamb's office.
LAMB: Maybe we'll call off the dogs.
SACKS: You got company.
BORDER PATROL OFFICER: [offscreen] Well, the good news is, a teen boy travelling...
Lamb puts his hand over the mouthpiece of the phone, whispering loudly to Sacks.
LAMB: Not now.
BORDER PATROL OFFICER: [offscreen] ...with a baby is pretty easy to spot.
SACKS: It's the FBI.
BORDER PATROL OFFICER: [offscreen] We don't get many of those down here.
Lamb appears to be less than thrilled.
LAMB: I'm gonna have to get back to you.
BORDER PATROL OFFICER: [offscreen] I'd appreciate it if you would, Sheriff.
LAMB: Yes. Bye.
Lamb puts down the phone and hesitates for a moment. Sacks waits expectantly.
LAMB: Send 'em in. Lamb checks his desk. He has a small wooden peg game which he grabs and sticks in his drawer. He gets another set of papers and doesn't look up as footsteps approach his desk. He pretends to read.
SACKS: Right in here. Two torsos appear in front of his desk, both in suits. The feminine one rests her thumbs in the waistband of her trousers. Lamb carries on reading.
SACKS: Sheriff? He looks up at Sacks, as if distracted, then at the FBI agents standing in front of him. The camera pans up to reveal a blonde woman and a black man. The woman smiles tightly, whilst the man nods to him.
LAMB: Oh. Lamb makes a great show of acting as if he hadn't realised that they were there. He flicks the papers closed and puts them aside, rises from his chair with a great puff, and smiles, holding out his hand. The female agent takes the lead, shaking his hand.
MORRIS: Agent Morris. Lamb moves to shake the hand of the other agent.
WILLS: Agent Wills.
LAMB: Sheriff Don Lamb. Take yourselves a seat.
He gestures to the chairs and starts to sit, dismissing Sacks.
LAMB: Thank you. Sacks slips out of the office, shutting the door behind him. The camera shot from behind Lamb towards the agents reveals a continuity glitch. The wooden peg game is back on Lamb's desk.
MORRIS: Now, Sheriff, I think we should make it clear right from the get-go that we are here to get that baby back. And we are willing to combine our resources--
LAMB: I'll share anything that you need--
Morris completely ignores his interruption.
MORRIS: ...until such time as you piss us off. Lamb is startled.
MORRIS: And when that time comes - and it usually comes quickly in Sleepyburg or World's Biggest Ball of Stringsville or wherever the hell we are this week - when that time comes, we will cut you out like you were a meter maid. You don't get the photo op, and you don't get the fruit basket. Lamb takes a deep breath and looks away, pissed off.
MORRIS: So repeat after me... She waits for him to return his attention to her.
MORRIS: Team. Her partner, smirking at the well practiced ritual, holds up his hands, as if a fisherman describing how big his catch was. The gap between his hands is about one foot.
MORRIS: Me. Wills lowers his hands, reducing the gap to a couple of inches. Lamb doesn't respond. Morris and Wills both take on patronising expressions as they repeat both the words and the gestures.
MORRIS: Team. Lamb, offended, still doesn't respond.
MORRIS: Come on, you can do it.
LAMB: [reluctantly] Team.
MORRIS: Me.
Morris rolls the M, as if dealing with a very young child. Lamb follows suit.
LAMB: Me.
MORRIS: Great. So, why don't you get us up to speed with what you've been doing here?
She looks at Lamb expectantly. Lamb looks away and smiles tightly. Elsewhere in the building, a deputy manning the front desk is reading the San Diego Dispatch. The headlines read: "Crab harvesters suffer major defeat" and "Buddhism's popularity in west rising." Steps approach the desk.
VERONICA: [offscreen] Is the sheriff around? The deputy, standing in for Inga whose nameplate is still on the desk, looks up at Veronica.
DEPUTY: He's in with the FBI. Veronica glances around, frustrated. The deputy recognises her and gives a deep chuckle.
DEPUTY: You're Veronica Mars, aren't you?
VERONICA: That's me.
DEPUTY: Supposed to keep an eye on you.
VERONICA: Great.
Veronica swivels and takes a seat on the bench at right angles to the desk. She grabs a magazine out of the rack on the wall next to her.
DEPUTY: You ever hit the clubs in LA, Veronica?
VERONICA: I'm eighteen.
DEPUTY: Yeah, show me a club that'll care. I moonlight over at Club Thin.
VERONICA: Club Thin?
DEPUTY: I'm a bouncer.
VERONICA: Well, I didn't think you were a cage dancer.
DEPUTY: Reason why I ask, you come up, I'll get you in.
VERONICA: Okay.
DEPUTY: Cool.
Veronica returns to her magazine. In his office, Lamb rubs his temples. There is a loud knock on his door.
LAMB: Yes. Deputy Bouncer opens and speaks from the door.
DEPUTY: Sheriff, Veronica Mars is looking for you. Says she has something you might be interested in.
MORRIS: Mars? You mean the girlfriend?
LAMB: [to Deputy Bouncer] Put her in interrogation. [to Morris] Ex-girlfriend.
Lamb rises as Deputy Bouncer nods and leaves, closing the door behind him.
LAMB: Ugly break-up, from what I heard. Before we go in there, you should probably know something about Veronica Mars. We need to be careful with this one. She's...slippery. Wills, who is still seated, looks up at the standing Morris, amused at her anticipated reaction.
MORRIS: Sheriff, we have interrogated Al Qaeda members at Gitmo. I think we can handle a teenage girl. Lamb grins indulgently. Veronica is waiting in an interrogation, still reading the magazine. Lamb approaches the door, trailing Morris and Wills behind him.
VERONICA: Nick and Jessica. Veronica looks up at Lamb.
VERONICA: Is nothing sacred?
MORRIS: [sarcastically] Whoa, Agent Wills, call for backup.
WILLS: Just the chopper?
MORRIS: Snipers.
Lamb enters the room and the FBI agents follow.
LAMB: What is it, Veronica? He slaps the notepad containing Veronica's notes on the table, folds his arms and stands in front of her. Morris and Wills line up next to him.
VERONICA: Who are the suits?
LAMB: Agent Morris, Agent Wills. They're with the FBI. What do you got?
VERONICA: Duncan may have taken his computer, but he had a dotmac account. He used it to back up his laptop.
LAMB: What's a dotmac--
MORRIS: Online storage. Users can backup their files, or...
WILLS: Synchronise their computers, calendars, addresses...
MORRIS: Browser bookmarks.
WILLS: Mm-hm.
LAMB: It wasn't on your list.
VERONICA: I just thought of it. And I came straight here.
Lamb rolls his eyes.
WILLS: I can get a warrant so we can search it.
MORRIS: Yeah, get the computer boys to break the password.
Wills leaves the room as Sacks shouts from the main office.
SACKS: Sheriff, border patrol on line one.
VERONICA: Border patrol? Don't bother. Duncan hates Mexico.
Lamb reaches for the phone on the table.
LAMB: Is that so? Brer Rabbit? He talks into the phone.
LAMB: Yeah, this is Lamb. No, don't back off those searches at all. No, not at all. Lamb hangs up the phone.
LAMB: Veronica, why don't you wait outside in the hall?
VERONICA: Why don't you?
Morris shakes her head at Veronica's display of a petulant teenager.
LAMB: Your next option is [whispers behind his hand] a cell. Veronica closes her magazine, pushes off from the table and leaves the room. Morris grabs the notepad
MORRIS: I'll take a coffee when you get a minute. She sits on the table and starts to read, her back to Lamb. He sighs and hits the intercom on the phone.
LAMB: Sacks, two coffees.
SACKS: What?
Lamb saunters over to Veronica's side of the table. Behind him is a wanted poster for what looks like Ernie Sawyers. His picture suggests the b*st*rd child of Peter Jackson and Kevin Smith.
LAMB: So. The [enunciating each letter] F-B-I. I've thought about it, you know. But, uh, big fish, small town. Has its perks. Still, who knows, I still might apply.
MORRIS: You go to college?
LAMB: For a year. Blew out a knee at Southwest Texas playin' ball.
MORRIS: Speak a foreign language?
LAMB: A little Mexican. Enough to get by. Tell 'em to turn their music down.
MORRIS: Any expertise in computer science, law, physics, chemistry, forensics, mathematics?
LAMB: Expertise?
He smiles and raises an eyebrow, seeking to persuade her of his charms. It fails.
MORRIS: Small town, big fish. You know, I'd ride with that. He hides his disappointment behind a humourless smile.
EXT - INDUSTRIAL SITE - NIGHT.
The PCH bike gang is gathered. Most are already there. A few have just arrived and turn off their engines. Weevil is facing Hector. The other bikers are in a horseshoe around them.
HECTOR: I don't know what you're talkin' about, Weevil. I'm not in business with the Fitzpatricks.
WEEVIL: I know you're lying, Hector. I know you sold E to an 09er just today.
HECTOR: That?
WEEVIL: Yeah. That. You did it, didn't you?
HECTOR: Yeah. But I didn't get it from the Fitzpatricks. Some white boy asked me to get him some. He looked dumb and desperate, so I said I'd get it for him at forty a hit. He said yeah, so...
WEEVIL: So what?
HECTOR: So I just turned around and got it from this other white boy who I know deals.
Thumper steps forward aggressively.
THUMPER: He's lyin'. What white boy?
HECTOR: What was so wrong? I made a few bucks sellin' from one 09er to another.
WEEVIL: Come on. Like you know an 09er drug dealer? Who was it?
HECTOR: My sister worked with his dad.
Weevil marches up menacingly, getting into Hector's face.
WEEVIL: I want a name. Hector stares back at him, defiant.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.
Veronica is outside the department, at the drinks machine, checking the change in her hand. Sacks steps out from within.
SACKS: Veronica. They got into the files. They need you.
Cut to Veronica returning to the interrogation room. She stands at the open door.
VERONICA: That was quick. Morris and Wills are now sitting on opposite sides of the table. Lamb is leaning against the far wall, behind Morris. On the wall are some more wanted posters - one for a George Dedlos, another for Lester Neal, wanted for murder.
MORRIS: Two hours for the search warrant, ten minutes to break his password.
VERONICA: What was it?
WILLS: Enakgem.
Morris gives her partner an irritated look.
WILLS: What? What's she gonna do with it?
VERONICA: Enakgem?
MORRIS: "Meg Kane" backwards.
Lamb smirks.
MORRIS: Miss Mars, what can you tell us about Duncan Kane's sailing ability?
VERONICA: Duncan's been sailing his whole life. Why?
LAMB: Duncan bookmarked a boat for sale. We tracked down the seller. Turns out, he sold it last week to a teenage boy who paid cash.
VERONICA: I assume that's a generous use of the term "we"?
Wills grins, appreciating Veronica's put down of Lamb.
LAMB: I got a hundred bucks says he's headin' south. What do you think, Veronica? Wanna put your money where your mouth is? How much does your boyfriend hate Mexico, huh?
VERONICA: Isn't gambling illegal?
LAMB: That's what I thought.
A phone rings and Sacks, who is in the main office and can be seen through the door, picks it up. He stands and shouts into the room.
SACKS: It's the Coast Guard. They spotted the boat. It's ignoring their warning calls. They're preparing to board. Veronica drops her head and creeps into the room.
WILLS: That kid's going to get his self killed.
MORRIS: Put it on the speaker.
As Veronica makes her way around the room, voices issue from the speaker phone. Everyone in the room listens intently.
COAST GUARD 1: There's no one on deck. Our men are checking down below.
COAST GUARD 2: We're all clear! There's no one here.
COAST GUARD 1: No one on board, but we have found dirty diapers and twelve empty cans of Spaghetti-Os.
MORRIS: What about history of mental issues? Any chance that he just said "Goodbye, cruel world"?
VERONICA: Duncan didn't kill himself, and he didn't kill his baby. Somebody picked him up. He's still on the run.
EXT - SUNSET CLIFF APARTMENTS - DAY.
Veronica strides out of the entrance to the apartments. She walks past and ignores a van parked at the entrance. She stops, turns back and then approaches the van. What is printed on the van can only be seen in part: "...Len...ing & Heating...Emergency Services...50173." Veronica examines it for a moment and then pulls open the side door. Vinnie sits comfortably in an armchair in the back of the van, holding binoculars to his eyes, aimed through the van's window at the entrance to the apartments.
VERONICA: Mornin', Sam. She grins and tilts her head. Vinnie drops the binoculars.
VINNIE: Mornin', Ralph. He has a large half-eaten fritter balanced on the side of the chair. He picks it up.
VINNIE: Fritter?
VERONICA: You should be out looking for Duncan.
Vinnie takes a large bite of the fritter and responds with his mouth full.
VINNIE: Oh! Right. Duncan Kane. Ahaha. Ahhh! He hits himself in the forehead.
VINNIE: I got so swept up in your beauty I almost forgot my assignment.
VERONICA: If you do find him, and he gives you any trouble, will you give him this?
Veronica pulls an envelope out of her bag and holds it out to Vinnie. Vinnie takes it and reads what is written on the front: "Duncan Personal & Confidential."
VINNIE: Will do. Veronica smiles, turns and walks away. Vinnie watches her go for a moment before ripping open the envelope. He pulls out a letter, reads it and smiles.
INT - NHS, BOYS' BATHROOM - DAY.
Sean Friedrich, whose hair has grown long and shaggy since last year, is washing his hands.
WEEVIL: [offscreen] Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Sean looks up into the mirror in front of him and sees Weevil walk into view behind him.
WEEVIL: Do you remember last year, when you looked down on me like you were so much better? Sean finishes washing hands and turns to face Weevil, grabbing a paper towel on the way. He leans back against the counter.
SEAN: Yeah. Did you get the impression something has changed?
WEEVIL: Well, yeah. It seems both our families are in the domestic staffing industry. That makes us like family. I steal cars, you sell drugs. Hey, I can hardly tell where you end and I begin.
SEAN: I get it. What can I get you? A little crank? Some blow?
WEEVIL: Just tell me the name of your supplier.
SEAN: Yeah, that's not happening.
Weevil takes a threatening step closer.
WEEVIL: Is it the Fitzpatricks?
SEAN: The Fitzpatricks. They take a blowtorch to you if you're short a dimebag. I'm not that dumb.
Weevil stares at him, taking his measure.
SEAN: Am I free to go? Weevil steps aside.
WEEVIL: Have a nice day. Sean exits the bathroom. Weevil leans back against the sinks.
WEEVIL: You believe him? The door to one of the cubicles opens. It's Logan.
LOGAN: Don't you? Logan steps out of the cubicle.
WEEVIL: One of my boys is mixed up with the Fitzpatricks, I know it. Logan heads for the sink, wets his hands and starts faffing with his hair.
LOGAN: Has it crossed your mind that maybe the one mixed up with the Fitzpatricks is the one that's already dead?
WEEVIL: You remember when Ciaran and Padraig Fitzpatrick still went to school here, back when we were freshmen?
Logan dries his hands and stands back against the sinks, next to Weevil.
LOGAN: They were like seventh-year seniors.
WEEVIL: The only reason they stuck around was to keep the high school drug trade going. Soon as the school got smart and expelled them, my predecessor--
LOGAN: Reaper Gus.
WEEVIL: Yes. The Reaper. Decided to expand our business. A couple months in, he disappears like Jimmy Hoffa. No one's seen him since. You know why the Reaper was called that?
LOGAN: He lost a bet?
WEEVIL: His name. Gustavio Toombs. He was Felix's big brother. So no, Felix wasn't workin' with the Fitzpatricks. No way in hell.
Weevil leaves Logan pondering this.
EXT - NHS, LUNCH AREA - DAY.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Wallace walks through the occupied tables to find Veronica sitting at one on her own. He joins her, depositing his bag lunch on the table. He looks at her tray.
WALLACE: Gonna eat your cake?
VERONICA: Take it.
Wallace takes a small bit of cake from the tray. Veronica reaches out for something on the bench next to her..
VERONICA: Got a little present for ya. She sets out some papers, bound in plastic covers. He opens it.
WALLACE: What is it?
VERONICA: Just a little scrapbook I put together.
It is a copy of the "Chicago Statesman" webpage Veronica pulled up in class. A few more of the entries can be seen: "Trevor Hale 51 - Farringdale 30: Rashard Rucker and Wallace Fennel are playing well enough to unseat divisional champions Forest." "Trevor Hale 60 - Houns 45: Coach Snyder surpasses that Chicagoland record for most wins by a public school coach in The Storm's recent win." "Trevor Hale 57 - JFK 50: Faulty shots and missed attempts almost pinned the Storm Boys in their narrow win over JFK." "Trevor Hale 53 - Gibbons 24: After suffering a delay of game due to an injury, the capped Storm were still unstoppable."
VERONICA: You were kicking butt in Chicago. Wallace closes the file and sighs.
VERONICA: Eight points, eleven assists a game? Undefeated?
WALLACE: I wanted to tell you.
VERONICA: Why'd you really come back, Wallace?
WALLACE: If you read these stories, then you know my new team-mate was Rashard Rucker.
VERONICA: Is that supposed to mean something?
WALLACE: Yeah. He's the best high school player in the nation. This year's Lebron James. Just before Christmas, me and Rashard, a couple of guys on the team hit this house party. Rashard had a few beers, but he said he was okay to drive. On the way home, this wino staggered out in front of the car.
VERONICA: Oh, Wallace.
WALLACE: He hit him. I was yellin' for him to stop, but he panicked. He drove to his uncle's.
VERONICA: His uncle's?
WALLACE: He's Rashard's agent, manager, boss. He said we probably hit a dog and we should just keep our mouths shut. Millions of dollars are at stake. But I couldn't just let it go. I couldn't go to practice and just pretend it hadn't happened. So I thought if I came back here, I could just...forget about it.
VERONICA: You know, you coulda told me.
WALLACE: No I couldn't.
VERONICA: Why?
WALLACE: Because you would've stayed. You'd've done the right thing. I'm embarrassed I didn't.
Cut to a little later as Veronica leaves the lunch area, sans Wallace. Her cell rings. She checks the number and then answers.
VERONICA: Hello?
DUNCAN: [offscreen] Veronica, it's me.
VERONICA: Duncan, what are you doing? Where are you? You gotta turn yourself in.
DUNCAN: [offscreen] Where I am isn't important. I'm doing the right thing.
VERONICA: No, you're not. You need to turn yourself in. You're not ready to raise that baby. We'll win in court.
Veronica steps over to a display notice stand, gaining a little privacy in the angel between two panels. On the boards are many flyers. One fan of Archimedes riffs on a hand-drawn posters "Give me a lever long enough and a prop strong enough...I can single-handedly move the world." There's a call for junior volunteers to do something that involves cuddling and another offering tutoring. Another warns against burying memory, one announces a volunteers meeting on Tuesday in one of the homerooms for the bigbrotherbigsister program. Calling 800-555-0191 will ascertain what's available on a commercial lease. Language fun and games seem all the rage in room 215. Caution may be required after school in Landry as the torture of children is implied in the graphic. Oh, and slap bang in the middle is a garish red/pink notice for Teenage Women Of Propriety, the words set vertically with the first letters of each word embellished.
DUNCAN: [offscreen] There's no way I'll ever get to keep the baby now.
VERONICA: No, don't hang up.
DUNCAN: [offscreen] I thought you'd understand, I thought you'd help.
VERONICA: Tell me where you are.
DUNCAN: [offscreen] You know what the Mannings would do to her.
VERONICA: Duncan, you're gonna get yourself thrown in prison.
DUNCAN: [offscreen] Forget it. Forget it, I'll go it alone.
VERONICA: They think I helped you.
The call cuts off abruptly. Veronica looks down at the phone.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.
A computer screen shows a map. Wills is studying it.
MORRIS: You got it?
WILLS: He's up in Big Bear. Just give me five minutes. I'll have it down to a building.
Lamb reaches into his office to grab his holster. He starts to buckle it around his waist.
LAMB: We could be there in two hours.
MORRIS: Sheriff, we appreciate your time, your effort, and your cooperation, but...we got it.
Lamb stares at her as his hands fall from his holster. He snorts.
EXT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY.
Veronica approaches the door to Apartment #110, keys in hand. She pauses and looks around carefully. She then turns and walks away from the door to her apartment, passing the window - which still bears an election poster for Keith for sheriff - and a surfboard, arriving at the door to the next apartment, #108. Continuing to glance around furtively, she uses a key to open the door. Inside the largely empty apartment, plastic sheeting covers the fixtures and fittings. She hurries forward, straight into the arms of Duncan. They kiss tenderly.
VERONICA: It's time. They kiss again. In another room of the apartment, sheets cover the windows. There is a chair in one corner, holding a jacket and what looks like diapers. There's also a small lamp and table. In the centre of the room is a crib, with a small mobile at one end arching over the top end. Veronica and Duncan look down into the crib. The baby, dressed all in pink and wrapped in a pink blanket, looks up happily.
VERONICA: Duncan, she's beautiful.
DUNCAN: I know.
VERONICA: [convincing herself] We're doing the right thing.
DUNCAN: [more confidently] I think so.
Veronica leans over the crib and takes the baby's hand.
VERONICA: You ready to travel? Ready for a big trip? The baby grasps her finger. Veronica plays for a moment then straightens.
VERONICA: The FBI is heading up to Big Bear, we gotta move. Veronica starts to pack up, filling a bag.
DUNCAN: Kendall?
VERONICA: Everyone bought it. Including her.
DUNCAN: The boat?
VERONICA: The same. Everything's in motion. We gotta go now, or things are gonna fall apart.
DUNCAN: Veronica, slow down one minute.
Duncan takes Veronica by the arms, bringing her packing to a momentary halt, but she continues to reach for things to drop in the bag.
VERONICA: After we leave this room, we can't call each other, email each other, see each other...
DUNCAN: Stop.
She does, reluctantly, as if action is all that's keeping her together. She looks at Duncan on the verge of tears.
DUNCAN: Goodbye, Veronica. I love you. Duncan brings his hand up to the side of her face, stroking her.
DUNCAN: Always have, always will. Veronica swallows back a sob.
VERONICA: You better. They kiss again.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.
Sacks strides into Lamb's office, about to speak, but freezes. He clears his throat.
SACKS: Sheriff? Lamb has his back to the door, standing silently, his arms behind his back, and is looking out of the windows of his office. He responds without turning around.
LAMB: Yeah.
SACKS: We got a hit on Veronica's ATM card.
LAMB: Where?
SACKS: Mexico. A hotel near Hacumba. It's big with American surfers.
Lamb finally turns around, walking forward. He smiles.
LAMB: I told 'em, didn't I. Everything outta that girl's mouth is a lie. Let's see how the FBI likes it when this high school-educated local lawman brings back the prize. Lamb grabs his jacket and holster.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY.
Keith walks into the bathroom carrying a newspaper, ready for a long sojourn on the toilet. He notices that there is no toilet paper. He puts down his paper and searches in the cupboard in the corner. He has no luck. He leaves the bathroom and heads through Veronica's room to her bathroom. He opens the small wall cupboard door and pulls out a fresh roll. He is about to turn away when something catches his eye. He bends down and looks in the cupboard. Behind the toilet rolls, he can see a hole in the wall, into the next apartment. He pulls out the toilet rolls and then a package. It is diapers. Keith looks at them for a very long moment. He rises slowly and finally throws them down in disgust. Keith is furious. He searches Veronica's room as he tries to contact her on his cell. As he searches the desk, he comes across the emails Meg saved on her computer and a copy of Grace's punishment journal.
VERONICA'S ANSWERING MACHINE: It's Veronica. Leave a message.
KEITH: Veronica. Keith is still furious, but he takes a deep breath to calm down.
KEITH: Hey, I need to see you at home ASAP, kiddo. We need a little daddy-daughter time. Keith closes his phone and then picks up one of the emails. He starts to read.
EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY.
Wallace and a basketball team-mate walk towards the car park from the lunch area.
WALLACE: He knows you can shoot.
BASKETBALL PLAYER: Right.
WALLACE: Just like I know you can shoot. That's why I--
A man is leaning against Wallace's car.
SAYERS: Wallace Fennel?
WALLACE: Yeah.
SAYERS: Ernie Sayers, Chicago Statesman.
The basketball player takes his leave.
SAYERS: I was hoping to ask you a few questions. Night of December 14th, a homeless man was the victim of a hit and run.
WALLACE: You mind?
Wallace gestures for the man to get off of his car so he can get into the boot.
SAYERS: That man is paralyzed. From the waist down. Wallace's hand shakes as he tries to unlock the boot. He gives up and heads around the man and the back of the car for the driver's side door.
SAYERS: Now, a convenience store clerk who was lockin' up says that the car that hit him was a red Hummer with twenty-two inch spinnin' rims. Wallace throws his bag into the car.
SAYERS: Do you know how many of those there are in Chicago? Wallace slams the door shut and turns to face the man, his arms crossed against his body.
SAYERS: Less than you'd think. I talked to some kids from your old school. They say that you, Rashard Rucker, and a couple of team-mates left a house party around two a.m. that night.
WALLACE: So what's the question?
SAYERS: I guess the question is, what kind of man were you plannin' on bein'?
Wallace doesn't respond.
EXT - US/MEXICO BORDER - DAY
Music: "Four Leaf Clover" by the Old 97s.
LYRICS: I got a four leaf clover. It ain't done one single lick of good. I'm still a drunk, I'm still a loser. I'm living in a lousy neighbourhood. Why don't you come over? I'll show you my four leaf clover. Who'm I trying to kid? I'm not the kind of guy you'd go for. I got a four leaf clover, but I ain't got no hope of getting you. I got a ooo-ooo...
The camera races along at ground level between queues of cars. Lamb waits impatiently near the front of one of the queues, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel as he watches the border agents search every vehicle. The car in front of him finally moves off. The border agent he spoke to on the phone approaches him and waves him through.
BORDER PATROL OFFICER: Let him through. Lamb pulls out and drives through. He hits the open road. He looks back in the rear view mirror, smiling and chomping down on his chewing gum.
EXT - HOTEL EL CUELGA DIEZ, MEXICO - DAY.
An ATM sign protrudes from the upper floor veranda of a small roadside hotel. A man looks out over the road, drinking from a mug. He sees Lamb's vehicle, smiles and turns to head inside the hotel. A sign hangs from the top of the veranda: "American Also Spoken." Lamb pulls in at the end of a row of cars. He gets out of the car and the camera follows his legs as he walks along the line of old, dirty vehicles, all with American plates. Lamb enters the hotel. There are a couple of men at a table in the corner and a small reception counter. The man from the veranda comes through the beads covering one of the inner doors, still carrying his mug. He moves along behind the counter, overseen by the hotel name painted across a surfboard on the wall, before facing Lamb. Lamb holds out a picture of Duncan.
LAMB: ¿Usted lo ha visto? [Translation: "Have you seen him?"] The man looks at the photo.
HOTEL CLERK: No. But you all look alike to me. He laughs. Lamb is not amused.
HOTEL CLERK: Try the restaurant, up the road. Lamb gives him a hard stare before backing out of the hotel. End music: "Four Leaf Clover" by the Old 97s.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY.
Veronica hurries into her room and stops short when she sees Keith sitting at her desk. He speaks without looking at her.
KEITH: [emotional] If they take you away. If you're sent to prison...
VERONICA: [voice shaking] You read the letters, though, right? From Meg to Child Protection Services? They're about her parents.
KEITH: It's not just your life you're gambling with, Veronica. I would not survive without you. You understand what you've done?
Veronica takes a step closer to her father, who still will not look at her.
VERONICA: We had to do it.
KEITH: I know you think you did.
VERONICA: We DID.
KEITH: [angry and upset] You played ME, Veronica!
He finally looks at her, nailing her with blazing eyes. She says nothing for a moment and he turns his head away again.
VERONICA: [softly, shakily] I had to.
KEITH: I love you. I'll always love you. But I don't know how I'll ever trust you again.
He looks at her again. She's devastated. Before she can say anything, there is a knock on the door of the apartment. Keith gets up to answer it. The camera lingers on Veronica's face as she takes in what this has done to her relationship with Keith. At the door, Agent Morris hands Keith a piece of paper. Veronica comes in from her bedroom to see what is happening.
MORRIS: Mr. Mars. We, uh, we have a warrant to search your premises. Agent Wills opens the door further as Keith steps back and lets them in. Veronica, looking wary, clears her throat as they pass her. Cut to a little later. Keith watches for a moment as two agents search the kitchen. He leaves them to it, moving to Veronica's bedroom. Veronica is leaning against the chest of drawers. Morris is standing over her desk, examining something carefully.
KEITH: Is this really necessary? Hasn't my daughter cooperated in every way asked? Behind Veronica, Wills can be seen searching Veronica's bathroom.
MORRIS: Funny thing happened in Big Bear, Mr. Mars. Veronica nervously watches Wills as he gets closer to the bathroom wall cupboard.
MORRIS: [offscreen] There was no sign of Duncan Kane anywhere, but... Veronica returns her attention to Agent Morris.
MORRIS: ...the manager of the condo did show a model unit to a cute young blonde woman. She smiles in Veronica's direction. Keith darts a glance at Veronica. Morris pulls out a minicassette.
MORRIS: We did find this minicassette in a dumpster behind the complex. She presses play.
DUNCAN: [offscreen] Where I am isn't important. I'm doing the right thing. There's no way I'll ever get to keep the baby now. Veronica spares another nervous glance at Wills in the bathroom.
DUNCAN: [offscreen] I thought you'd understand, I thought you'd help. You know what the Mannings would do to her. Forget it. Forget it, I'll go it alone. Morris switches off the tape just as Wills gets to the cupboard.
MORRIS: [offscreen] And I ask myself... Wills opens the cupboard and Veronica gasps, waiting for the sky to fall.
MORRIS: [offscreen] ...is it possible to have an unrehearsed conversation with a tape recorder? The diapers are gone. The hole in the wall has been covered with tin foil. Veronica looks over at Keith and they share a glance. Morris seems oblivious to the tension.
MORRIS: I don't think so. Keith glances at Veronica again.
KEITH: Sounds like they got you, honey. Well, think of the money we'll save on a prom dress. I'm gonna make a sandwich. Anyone want a sandwich? Veronica smiles. Morris points at him.
MORRIS: You're cool, Mr. Mars. You're very cool. And you got a cool daughter. But kidnapping cases don't go away, you should know that.
KEITH: Is that a no?
INT - TATTOO PARLOUR - DAY.
The tips of a crown are being shaded in by a buzzing tool. Weevil, sitting in a barber's chair, is getting a new tattoo on the side of his neck. The tattooist sits next to him, working. On the walls are colour drawings of various tattoos.
WEEVIL: Almost done?
TATTOO ARTIST: Gettin' there. Oh.
He stops, rolling back in his chair.
TATTOO ARTIST: Hey, man, I got somethin' for you. He rolls back to his desk at the end of the room and opens a drawer. He pulls out a sketch with a strip of photobooth pictures attached. He hands them to Weevil.
WEEVIL: What's this?
TATTOO ARTIST: I was gonna put that on your buddy's chest, before he got himself killed.
Weevil holds them up and stares at the sketch of a girl's face and chest. The strip of photos shows Felix and the girl laughing and, in the final picture, kissing.
TATTOO ARTIST: Good lookin' girl. Who is it?
WEEVIL: Her name's Molly Fitzpatrick.
Weevil's jaw tightens as he leans back for the tattoo artist to resume.
INT - RESTAURANT, MEXICO - DAY.
Lamb is questioning a dude in a diner.
SURFER: A couple hours ago, he asked me where there was a grocery store, but...I didn't see a baby.
LAMB: What'd you tell him?
SURFER: Another few miles. South. Past the old train station.
LAMB: Thanks.
Lamb pushes himself off of the counter and starts to leave. The surfer shouts at his departing back.
SURFER: It might not be the guy, man. Lamb turns but keeps walking backwards.
SURFER: You sure you got jurisdiction down here?
EXT - MEXICO - DAY.
Music: "Four Leaf Clover" by the Old 97s.
LYRICS: I got a four leaf clover, But I ain't got no hope of getting you. I ain't got no hope of getting you. I ain't got no hope of getting you.
Lamb exits the restaurant, La Tapa, gets into the car and pulls out, racing down the road. He passes three backpackers just outside the restaurant, who watch the car tear away. Past a poster advertising Ay-Chihuahuas (Il Sabor de Fuego), Lamb drives over a dirt road and some railway tracks, which shake the car. At the sound of something mechanical, Lamb glances into the rear-view mirror and sees the boot lid fly up. Lamb stops, gets out and goes to the back of the car. Inside the boot, there are empty water bottles and food packets. Lamb checks the catch. It's been rigged so that the boot can be opened from the inside. Lamb jerks his head to look behind him as he realises that he has been played. End music: "Four Leaf Clover" by the Old 97s. Back outside the restaurant, two of the backpackers are holding out their thumbs. The third, a guy in a cowboy hat with longish blond hair, a beard and a moustache, steps into shot, and gazes down the road. A pickup truck comes from the opposite direction, pulling up on the other side of the road and the backpacker heads for it.
BACKPACKER: Good luck, y'all.
GIRL: Thanks.
GUY: You too.
The backpacker runs to the truck as a voice calls out from inside.
DRIVER: ¿Necisito un paseo?
BACKPACKER: Si, si.
The backpacker throws his backpack into the back of the truck and opens the passenger door. The driver is Vinnie. Next to him is Celeste's maid, Astrid, holding the baby.
VINNIE: Gas, grass, or ass, kid. Nobody rides for free. Duncan, for it is he in disguise, hands over a large wad of cash..
DUNCAN: Thirty grand.
VINNIE: Pleasure doing business.
Dunan gets in the car and removes the hat, wig and whiskers.
VINNIE: Oooh, you pay better than your mom.
ASTRID: You ready to see your daddy? She won't let go my finger.
DUNCAN: She thinks you're Veronica.
ASTRID: Yeah. So does the FBI.
Astrid lifts the baby off of her lap and passes her to Duncan. He smiles down at her.
DUNCAN: Hey, Lilly. Daddy's here. Everything's gonna be all right.
Vinnie starts the truck. Music: "Adelaide" by the Old 97s
LYRICS: Heaven I need a rest I recognized the voices talking in my head I couldn't make out everything the voices said Loving you is a test I remember when I had you and you had so much promise then You promised me that you would never leave again To be broken you were made Adelaide Adelaide To be broken you were made Adelaide To be broken
The truck drives down the road. They pass Lamb heading in the opposite direction and Duncan puts his hat on to avoid being spotted. They all smile as Lamb drives on, oblivious.
EXT - SUNSET CLIFFS APARTMENTS - TWILIGHT.
Veronica is at the back of the apartment block, sadly looking out over the sea. After a while, she heads slowly back to the apartment.
EXT - MEXICO - TWILIGHT.
Duncan looks down at the baby. He bends down and kisses her on the forehead.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - TWILIGHT.
Veronica stares at a small slip of paper. It's the message from the fortune cookie that Duncan gave her in the flashback scene in 201 "Normal Is the Watchword" that re-ignited their relationship. She swallows hard, gets up from where she is sitting on the floor, and slides the slip of paper between the mirror and its frame. It reads: "TRUE LOVE STORIES NEVER HAVE ENDINGS 4 8 15 16 23, 42".
EXT - MEXICO - TWILIGHT.
Duncan looks out over the Mexican plains, his eyes full with unshed tears, until he looks down at the baby and smiles. End. End music: "Adelaide" by the Old 97s. | Plan: A: Veronica; Q: Who helps Duncan escape the country? A: Duncan; Q: Who kidnapped his daughter? A: the noses; Q: Under what part of Sheriff Lamb and the FBI did Duncan escape? A: secret; Q: How did Logan and Weevil work together to avoid the wrath of the PCHers? A: Fitzpatricks; Q: Who is Logan trying to figure out who is working with? A: Wallace; Q: Who reveals that he left Chicago because of a hit-and-run accident? A: his teammate; Q: Who was Rashard Rucker? A: Rashard Rucker; Q: Who ran over a drunken homeless person? A: a hit-and-run accident; Q: What did Wallace run over a drunken homeless person in? Summary: Veronica helps Duncan, who kidnapped his daughter, escape the country under the noses of Sheriff Lamb and the FBI. Logan and Weevil, working together in secret to avoid the wrath of the PCHers, try to figure out which PCHer is working with the Fitzpatricks. Wallace reveals that he left Chicago because he was in the car when his teammate Rashard Rucker ran over a drunken homeless person in a hit-and-run accident. |
1.21 - Love, Daisies, and Troubadours
OPEN IN LORELAI'S BEDROOM
(Lorelai is asleep in bed. She is awoken suddenly by a loud banging noise.)
LORELAI: Dear God Almighty Mr. Mirkle!
CUT TO RORY'S BEDROOM
(Rory is asleep in bed. Lorelai opens the door and looks in.)
LORELAI: Hey!
RORY: What?
LORELAI: You are not sleeping through this.
RORY: Through what?
(Lorelai walks over to the bed and leans over her.)
LORELAI: The freaking Blue Man Group is outside our house!
RORY: I was sleeping through it!
LORELAI: It had to have woken you up.
RORY: No my insane mother Margot Kidder Gilmore woke me up.
CUT TO FRONT PORCH
(Lorelai walks out the door onto the front porch. Luke is hammering the porch rail.)
LORELAI: Hey.
LUKE: Hey.
LORELAI: How are you today?
LUKE: Good, how are you?
LORELAI: Good, good. What are you doing?
LUKE: Fixing your porch rail.
LORELAI: That's right. You are. You're fixing my porch rail. . . . At six thirty in the morning!
LUKE: It was the only time I could do it.
LORELAI: Why? Why?
LUKE: It was broken. I noticed last time I was here. It could hurt somebody.
LORELAI: Luke, we sleep around here. Okay, we like it. It makes us pretty and keeps us from killing our crazy friends.
LUKE: You're gonna wake the neighbors.
LORELAI: UGH! Could you pound one more thing while you're out here? Your head! And a for-sale sign on the lawn because we're moving. So that's two things. The sign and your head. And in that order 'cause otherwise you'll be too dizzy to do the sign thing.
(Lorelai tries to walk back in the house, but the door is locked.)
LORELAI: Ugh. Oh shoot. RORY!
LUKE: You locked out?
LORELAI: You don't exist! RORY!
LUKE: You shouldn't have closed the door.
LORELAI: Ah! RORY!
(Babette comes out of her house in her robe.)
BABETTE: Lorelai, sugar, you're waking up the entire neighborhood. Please!
LORELAI: Excuse me!
(Rory opens the front door)
RORY: I am officially annoyed.
LORELAI: Oh! Well, don't blame me, blame Lu. . .(She points to the porch rail where Luke was, but he is gone.) He was right here.
RORY: Yeah, I know. (Rory guides Lorelai back into the house)
BABETTE: Get her back to bed doll.
LORELAI: He was banging on the. . .
RORY: I know.
LORELAI: It was something on the porch. It was broken.
RORY: I know.
LORELAI: I'm not crazy.
RORY: I know.
LORELAI: He was banging on something.
RORY: I know. (Rory pulls Lorelai back in the house and shuts the door.)
(Opening credits)
INDEPENDENCE INN
(The phone is ringing. Michel is leaning on the front desk. Lorelai places a large stack of folders on the desk and starts separating them into piles.)
LORELAI: Michel, get that please.
MICHEL: I cannot.
LORELAI: Michel, we've been over this, we all cover the phone, that includes you.
MICHEL: Don't misunderstand. I want to answer it, I truly did, but today, today I am suffering from ennui.
LORELAI: Ennui?
MICHEL: Severe ennui. You know what ennui is, yes?
LORELAI: Yes. Um, Webster's defines ennui as a lazy soon to be out of work French concierge who won't answer the phone.
MICHEL: Look, I've had my peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead, and that the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these people in a nonviolent manner. And usually that is fine, but today, sorry lady, I have ennui.
LORELAI: So, you're sleepy?
MICHEL: It's a metaphysical angst.
LORELAI: So, you wanna go beddy bye?
MICHEL: You make light, it increases my ennui.
LORELAI: Okay, that's it. Come on you need coffee.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
(Lorelai walks in with Michel. Sookie is at the counter looking sad.)
LORELAI: I need coffee. Extra strong. Double cafe. Triple cafe. No, forget the cafe. Throw in the whole cow and serve it to this man right here! (pause) What's wrong with you?
SOOKIE: I don't know. It might sound a little weird, but I think I've got . .
LORELAI: Oh no.
SOOKIE: Ennui.
LORELAI: You explained ennui to her.
MICHEL: She asked me what was wrong with me earlier, so I told her.
LORELAI: Michel, you know that Sookie ends up thinking she's coming down with whatever illness other people else have.
SOOKIE: Nuh uh!
(Lorelai hands Michel a cup of coffee and he leaves.)
LORELAI: Oh no? What was that whole conversation last week when I had to convince you you didn't have a prostate.
SOOKIE: Oh. How is Al?
(Lorelai's cell phone rings. She answers it.)
LORELAI: Hello?
MAX: Is this a bad time?
LORELAI: For the hotel industry, but not for you.
MAX: I've only got a second, but I wanted to say hi.
LORELAI: Hi.
MAX: And thank you for last night.
LORELAI: It was a good night, wasn't it?
MAX: Several novels will be written about it.
LORELAI: I say we do it again, and next time, I'll be the gypsy queen.
MAX: Do you know the more I see you the more I want to see you.
LORELAI: Same here.
MAX: It's like a vicious circle.
LORELAI: It's an achy feeling.
MAX: Like withdrawal pains.
LORELAI: Totally distracting.
MAX: Completely wonderful. Oh I gotta go.
LORELAI: No, don't!
MAX: Okay.
LORELAI: I gotta go.
MAX: Don't.
LORELAI: Okay.
MAX: This would be another example of a vicious circle.
LORELAI: So we should both go.
MAX: We definitely should.
LORELAI: So. . .
MAX: Hang up. . .
LORELAI: No, you hang up!
MAX: Vicious circle.
LORELAI: Bye! (hangs up)
SOOKIE: You look happy.
LORELAI: Oh, well, what's the opposite of ennui?
SOOKIE: Off-ui. Oh, hey, I'm cured!
CUT TO LORELAI'S KITCHEN
(Lorelai is sitting at the table. Rory is walking around the kitchen.)
LORELAI: I had the weirdest dream last night. We were in our house, but it wasn't our house, it was a Kentucky Fried Chicken.
RORY: I'm hooked.
LORELAI: I had to get dressed, but my clothes were in the back. And the guy manning the giant oil vat would not let me though.
RORY: Oh my God! That's so weird. When you said oil vat, that just reminded me, I had this dream last night we were swimming in a pool, only it wasn't water, it was like oil or honey or something.
LORELAI: Hey.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: You totally did the thing.
RORY: What thing?
LORELAI: The thing where one person is describing their dream and it reminds the other person about their dream, and suddenly it's all about their dream and the first person is just standing there like, um, hey man, what about my dream.
RORY: I'm sorry, the oil vat guy was being mean.
(Rory sits down at the table.)
LORELAI: Yes. And we knew him. He used to live in town. He was that guy who used to run the auto body shop before Maven Hughes bought it. Remember him?
RORY: No.
LORELAI: Yes, you do. He's really skinny
RORY: Peter Stringbean?
LORELAI: No. That was the tall circus freaky guy who worked for him. This was the owner guy. What was his name?
RORY: I don't know.
LORELAI: Yes you do. Come on. Ugh. It's gonna bug me all day. He was short and fat and his name was. . .
RORY: Johnny McShort-and-Fat.
LORELAI: Oh, now, don't mock.
(Lorelai stands up and goes out the back door.)
CUT TO LORELAI'S PORCH
(Lorelai walks out of the back door.)
LORELAI: Hey, who was the guy who used to run the auto body shop?
(We pan up to see Luke lying on the roof with a hammer.)
LUKE: The Stretch Cunningham guy?
LORELAI: No, the Dick Tracy guy.
LUKE: Big, always had a half-smoked cigar in his mouth?
LORELAI: Yes, him! What was his name? It was like Jim something or other.
CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT CLOSET
(We hear Luke and Lorelai still talking outside while we watch Rory going through the front closet. She finds the Dean box and pulls it out.)
LUKE: Always had an ING at the end.
LORELAI: Yes. Uh, Banning.
LUKE: Glanning.
LORELAI: Dunning.
LUKE: That's it.
LORELAI: Ooh! Hey! (Lorelai comes back into the house to tell Rory) Jim Dunning was the Dick Tracy guy. Jim Dunning, that's the Dick Tracy guy.
(Lorelai walks into the hallway, where Rory is standing with the Dean box.)
LORELAI: Oh. The Dean box. Okay, I know I was supposed to throw it away, but I couldn't. I mean, you're young and your head's all weird, and you don't have any perspective because of that whole young weird headed thing, so just please listen to me before you get mad. You're gonna want that stuff one day, when you're old and married, and looking back and thinking, I certainly had an interesting life. And then you can pull out all your old boyfriend boxes. Which is good, because I threw away stuff I'd kill to have today. Look, I put it in with the Max box so they could chat and keep each other company and commiserate about how they had Gilmore girl and lost a Gilmore girl and . . .sorry.
(Rory gives Lorelai a kiss)
RORY: Thanks.
(Rory takes the Dean box into her bedroom. She sits on her bed and starts pulling everything out and looking at it.)
CUT TO SIDEWALK
(Rory and Lane walk out of a store. Rory is carrying French fries, Lane is carrying a drink. They start walking along the sidewalk.)
LANE: What I wanted to say was, Janie Fertman, you are a vacuous bimbo who will be turning letters as a profession one day. And the only way you'll know which letter to turn is when it dings and lights up. And I have no desire to stop and talk to you. Ever. But what I said was 'what Janie?' And then she goes, 'You're cheerleader material.' Cheerleader material! Just like that. I couldn't believe it! I almost went full matrix on her. Have you heard a word I've said?
RORY: No.
LANE: I resent that. I'm a witty conversationalist.
(They stop in front of the market. Rory is staring in.)
LANE: What?
RORY: I'm going in.
LANE: You can't.
RORY: I'm going in.
LANE: It's Thursday afternoon.
RORY: I know.
LANE: He works on Thursday afternoons.
RORY: I know.
LANE: We're talking you know who.
RORY: I know.
LANE: Oh my god!
RORY: Calm down.
LANE: Oh my god!
RORY: You're making a spectacle.
LANE: You're getting back together with Dean!
RORY: If you keep jumping like that I'm gonna videotape it and send it to Janie Fertman as your cheerleader audition.
LANE: When did this happen?
RORY: Nothing's happened. I don't even know what I'm doing exactly. Or what he's thinking or whether he's burned all my letters and pictures or hates me or what, but I'm going in.
LANE: I so encourage this. I love you, but you've been mopey, dopey, and about 12 other melancholy dwarves for the past 5 weeks and I miss the old Rory.
RORY: I miss the old me too.
LANE: And I've been feeling bad for the new Rory.
RORY: Well she's staging a comeback.
LANE: And may it be more successful than Peter Frampton's.
RORY: Wish me luck.
LANE: Luck!
CUT TO INSIDE MARKET
(Rory walks into the market. She's looking around for Dean but is stopped by Taylor Doose.)
TAYLOR: Rory.
RORY: Oh, Taylor, you scared me.
TAYLOR: What are you doing? You're walking around like . . .
RORY: Like what?
TAYLOR: Dare I say, like a shoplifter.
RORY: Oh, I'm not here to shoplift.
TAYLOR: Well, you currently fit 4 of the 8 characteristics.
RORY: I do?
TAYLOR: You're alone, you look nervous, you're meandering in an aimless fashion, and you're wearing a baggy coat.
RORY: Oh, I tend to run cold.
TAYLOR: So what are you here for?
RORY: I'm looking for your checkout boy. I had a question and I didn't want to bother you.
TAYLOR: He's stacking on six. (calls the checkout boy) Over here please! (He walks over.) Mikey, this is Ms. Gilmore, she needs some help. Take care Rory. Watch her.
MIKEY: Yeah?
RORY: Hi. Uh, I was just wondering, do you like working here?
MIKEY: What?
RORY: I mean, do you enjoy the whole boxboy trade as a profession?
MIKEY: No.
RORY: No, okay, good. So, I'm just gonna cross that off my list. Thank you for your time.
CUT TO OUTSIDE THE MARKET
(Lane is waiting by the door. Rory walks out the door past her. Lane follows her down the sidewalk.)
LANE: Well?
RORY: He's not there.
LANE: But he always works Thursday.
RORY: I guess he's taking Thursday afternoons off now. That's not good.
LANE: How is that not good?
RORY: Because that means he's moved on.
LANE: What are you talking about?
RORY: Obviously he's met one of those Thursday afternoon girls.
LANE: What's a Thursday afternoon girl?
RORY: They're those slutty girls that get guys to switch their Thursday afternoons with another checkout guy so they can go do slutty Thursday afternoon things.
LANE: Okay, you're reading way too much into this.
RORY: I shouldn't have gone in.
LANE: No it's good to go in.
RORY: Taylor thinks I'm casing the place. Like I would ever shoplift there.
LANE: You have shoplifted there.
RORY: Lane, I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to be more honest with me than you've ever been before in your life. Have you ever seen him with another girl at school?
LANE: No.
RORY: Lane.
LANE: No.
RORY: You'd tell me, right?
LANE: Yes. No, I wouldn't because it would break your heart, but I haven't.
RORY: You swear? On the life of the lead singer of Blur?
LANE: On the soul of Nico, I swear to you that I have not seen Dean with another girl.
RORY: Okay.
LANE: He's miserable.
RORY: Fine.
LANE: Suicidal.
RORY: Good.
LANE: And in desperate need of haircutting.
RORY: Thank you.
CUT TO CHILTON
(A bell rings. The empty hallway fills up with kids exiting their classrooms. Pan to Rory at her locker. Tristin walks over to her.)
TRISTIN: You should decorate this thing.
RORY: I did.
TRISTIN: Well I mean with something other than a bunch of dead black and white women.
RORY: What, like curtains?
TRISTIN: You know what I mean. I did mine up.
RORY: Yeah, I saw that. The naked picture of the Siamese twins is particularly classy.
TRISTIN: You know what these are? (holds up two tickets)
RORY: They look like tickets.
TRISTIN: To PJ Harvey.
RORY: Wow, you have good taste. I'll give you that.
TRISTIN: You're into PJ Harvey, right?
RORY: Yeah, how'd you know?
TRISTIN: Why, I'm all knowing.
RORY: How Godlike of you.
TRISTIN: One of these is for you.
RORY: Oh, I don't think we should go to a concert together.
TRISTIN: Reason?
RORY: It would seem like a date.
TRISTIN: Well it would seem like a date because it would be a date.
RORY: I can't date you Tristin.
TRISTIN: Well I give you permission.
RORY: And on that humble note.
(Rory closes her locker and walks away. She's stopped by Madeline, Louise and Paris.)
MADELINE: Oh, Rory, favor, big one. Look at the face.
RORY: Sure, what?
MADELINE: Can I get your biology notes from Tuesday, I was out.
LOUISE: To lunch.
MADELINE: Please.
RORY: Sure, I have them at home. I can bring them later.
MADELINE: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
PARIS: One more and you're done.
MADELINE: Thank you.
(Rory walks away)
MADELINE: So I've decided I'm now completely into Judy Garland. Did you see the TV movie? Pretty intense.
LOUISE: I think they used my mother's medicine cabinet in that.
MADELINE: She was the Courtney Love of her day.
PARIS: Show me a trend and I'll show you Madeline.
MADELINE: Judy Garland is trendy?
PARIS: Completely.
LOUISE: She was neo-addict retro chic.
MADELINE: No one tells me these things.
(They stop at Paris' locker, where Tristin is standing nearby)
PARIS: Hi.
TRISTIN: Hey.
MADELINE: Ooh, what are those?
TRISTIN: Oh, PJ Harvey tickets.
LOUISE: Really?
MADELINE: Cool.
LOUISE: Who are you going with?
TRISTIN: Rory.
PARIS: What?
LOUISE: Rory's going out with you?
TRISTIN: Yes, she is. (Tristin walks away)
MADELINE: Wow, I didn't think she liked him.
LOUISE: Neither did I.
(Paris slams her locker and walks away.)
LOUISE: Hm, do you think she's mad?
PARIS: What are you two waiting for, a tram? Let's move!
MADELINE: Oh yeah, she's mad.
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF MISS PATTY'S DANCE STUDIO
(Ballerinas are practicing their routine)
MISS PATTY: Flutter flutter, quick quick, flutter flutter, quick quick. And your hearts are broken, your prince has betrayed you, you've been shot with an arrow, and now . . you're dead.
(Lorelai walks past the dance studio)
LORELAI: Hi Patty.
RACHEL: Lorelai.
LORELAI: Hey Rachel.
RACHEL: Hey, have you seen Luke around?
LORELAI: Oh, he's probably at the diner.
RACHEL: Nope, he's supposed to be at the diner, but he's not.
LORELAI: Oh, well . .
RACHEL: We were supposed to meet for lunch, but he didn't show.
LORELAI: Oh.
RACHEL: Again.
LORELAI: Ah.
RACHEL: I made tuna.
LORELAI: Nice.
RACHEL: Yeah, yeah, he usually comes back upstairs for a break between lunch and dinner, but recently he's been other places. Uh, your place actually.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, well, Rachel, he's just fixing some things.
RACHEL: I know.
LORELAI: The porch rail, a couple roof shingles, then the porch rail again after he fell off the roof onto to the porch rail.
RACHEL: Yeah, yeah, he's been telling me
LORELAI: Good.
RACHEL: Look if you see him can you tell him to just, I don't know, check in.
LORELAI: Yes, will do.
RACHEL: Thanks.
LORELAI: Thanks.
RACHEL: Bye.
LORELAI: Bye.
(Lorelai walks by the troubadour. The troubadour stops his song when he hears whistling, he looks across the street and sees another troubadour. He gives a pout towards the other troubadour.)
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
(Lorelai walks in the front door. She puts the mail on the hall table, then hears a noise upstairs.)
LORELAI: Hello?
(She grabs an umbrella from the front hall. She hears footsteps around the corner. She walks towards them holding out the umbrella. She jumps into the living room.)
LORELAI: Hold it right there! Oh! Oh!
LUKE: It's only me!
LORELAI: You scared me half to death!
LUKE: Who'd you think it was?
LORELAI: Well, I don't know! I heard some thudding upstairs and Rory weighs like ten ounces, and it either had to be an escaped elephant, or some strange large man who should not be in the house. How did you get in here anyway?
LUKE: Through the back door.
LORELAI: The back door's locked.
LUKE: No, that's why I came, the back door lock was broken.
LORELAI: The back door lock was fine.
LUKE: The back door lock was cheap.
LORELAI: The back door lock came with the house. It's been a very fine back door lock.
LUKE: It's the kind of lock burglars look for.
LORELAI: Why do burglars look for that lock?
LUKE: Because it's easy to break into. I proved that.
LORELAI: You proved that by . . .?
LUKE: Breaking in through the back door.
LORELAI: Oh my God!
LUKE: It's the only way I could get in.
(Lorelai starts walking towards the kitchen. Luke follows.)
LORELAI: You have crossed over into the dark side Luke.
LUKE: It's not that big a deal.
(Lorelai walks into the kitchen and sees the broken lock)
LORELAI: UH! You broke into my house!
LUKE: I'm gonna fix it!
(Luke walks over to the door and starts fixing it. Lorelai follows him.)
LORELAI: Ugh! Step away from that lock.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: Get off. Come. Sit down. (Luke and Lorelai both sit at the kitchen table) You have almost no free time with all your work at the diner, and lately every spare moment has been spent not with Rachel.
LUKE: That's not true.
LORELAI: Oh, she was looking for you today and she didn't know where you were.
LUKE: I'm not hiding from her.
LORELAI: I didn't say you were hiding from her.
LUKE: Sounded like you were implying it.
LORELAI: Well someone's sensitive about the accusation.
LUKE: I think I'm hiding from her.
LORELAI: I think you are too.
LUKE: It's just a little weird having her in my place.
LORELAI: I thought that's what you wanted.
LUKE: It was. Is. I'm just. . I've just been living alone since forever. And I just got use to putting the milk someplace in the fridge and finding it in the exact same spot. You know what I mean?
LORELAI: Oh, we don't even keep milk in the house.
LUKE: Well, then cookies.
LORELAI: Cookies almost never make it out of the car.
LUKE: You know what I mean.
LORELAI: Yeah. Well maybe you can train Rachel to use a magic marker to mark the milk exactly where you left it.
LUKE: It's not just about milk. I'm not used to someone expecting me.
LORELAI: Expecting you to. . .
LUKE: Come home, do things, be with her.
LORELAI: Aw, most people would kill to have that in their lives.
LUKE: I know, but I'm different, I'm a loner.
LORELAI: Oh no. No no. I don't want to hear about the romance of being a loner.
LUKE: Some guys are just naturally loners.
LORELAI: Yes, lonely guys.
LUKE: Independent guys.
LORELAI: Sad guys.
LUKE: Maverick guys.
LORELAI: Lee Harvey Oswald.
LUKE: John Muir.
LORELAI: The unabomber.
LUKE: Henry David Thoreau
LORELAI: Every one of these sad and lonely guys.
LUKE: It just not what I thought it would be like having Rachel back. You know, it's not the fantasy I was toting around all these years.
LORELAI: Well, Luke, life is not a fantasy. Maybe you have to lower your expectation bar a little bit.
LUKE: So you're saying that life is just settling for whatever comes along?
LORELAI: Wow, you think having Rachel is settling?
LUKE: No, I didn't mean that. Rachel's great.
LORELAI: And she's crazy about you. And if her worst trait is she's a milk whore, you have it pretty good.
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: And you just need to give this situation a fair chance.
LUKE: I know.
LORELAI: And that starts with ceasing work on the Winchester mystery house here.
Luke: Okay. Thanks.
LORELAI: You're welcome.
CUT TO DEAN'S HOUSE
(Rory is standing in front of Dean's house. She pauses a moment before walking up to the door and knocking. A girl answers the door.)
CLARA: Hi.
RORY: Oh, hi. How are you today?
CLARA: Fine.
RORY: Good, good.
CLARA: Are you here to see my brother?
RORY: Oh, no. No. Not at all. I'm, um, with . . the Girl Scouts.
CLARA: I'm gonna be a Girl Scout someday. I'm a brownie now.
RORY: Oh, well good, that's an excellent stepping stone.
CLARA: Where's your uniform?
RORY: Oh we're not doing uniforms anymore. You know, we're trying to blend in, relate better to the average person. It was a very successful strategy for the Hari Krishnas, so. . .
CLARA: You look like someone.
RORY: I do?
CLARA: You're the girl in the pictures.
RORY: What pictures?
CLARA: The ones Dean has in his room.
RORY: Dean has pictures in his room?
CLARA: There's a funny one of you sticking out your tongue. He had a lot.
RORY: Wait, wait, has or had?
CLARA: What?
RORY: You went from has to had, that's a big difference.
CLARA: It is?
RORY: Yeah. What's your name?
CLARA: Clara.
RORY: You're a pretty girl, Clara.
CLARA: Thanks.
RORY: Now was it has or had?
CLARA: I don't know.
RORY: You do know Clara. Had is past tense. Has is present. Now think.
CLARA: I'm trying.
RORY: Can you go to his room now?
CLARA: He doesn't like me in his room.
RORY: Sneak in, he'll never no.
(Clara starts to cry.)
RORY: Oh, no no no, Clara, don't cry. Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm a nice person. I'm a Girl Scout.
(Rory hears Dean's voice inside the house)
DEAN: Clara?
RORY: Bye!
(Rory runs away from the house. Dean comes to the door where Clara is crying.)
DEAN: What's the matter?
CLARA: She sacred me.
DEAN: Who?
CLARA: The Girl Scout.
(Dean looks down the street and sees Rory running away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO STREET
(It's nighttime. Lorelai, Rory, and Max are walking down the street. Lorelai and Max are carrying small grocery bags.)
MAX: Okay, we've got food, drink, reading material, chocolate covered espresso beans. Have I left anything out?
RORY: I think that about covers it.
LORELAI: You're such a good provider.
MAX: I try my best.
LORELAI: Are you sure you wanna go to this thing?
MAX: You've been talking about these town meetings for months. I've got to see one for myself.
LORELAI: Well, they're never dull.
RORY: And if you're lucky, you'll see some crazy lady throwing French fries at the people she disagrees with like last time.
MAX: So were they cold?
LORELAI: No, I was just full.
Max: Ah. Oh, oh, I forgot. (Max pulls out 2 RingPops of the bag) One for you and one for you.
RORY: What are these?
MAX: Those are rings. And the diamond is actually candy so you can eat it.
LORELAI: Max, that's very sweet, but we're not eight.
(Lorelai and Rory excitedly switch rings behind Max's back)
LORELAI: What do you got?
RORY: Grape. Yours?
LORELAI: Red
RORY: Trade you!
LORELAI: Yes!
CUT TO INSIDE MISS PATTY'S DANCE STUDIO
(The town meeting has already started. Taylor is at the podium in front.)
TAYLOR: Enough, enough of this arguing. Its time to put this to a vote. All right now, let's see a show of hands. All those in favor. . . .
(Lorelai, Max and Rory walk in. Rory notices Clara and Dean in the back.)
LORELAI: Oh rats. It started already.
TAYLOR: All those opposed. (Lorelai raises her hand) Lorelai, you don't even know what were voting on.
LORELAI: Yeah, but I'm a-gin it!
TAYLOR: All right, the nays have it. Let the record reflect it. Lorelai, I hope that's not food in those bags. Food is not allowed at town meetings.
LORELAI: No, Taylor its not. Its, um, diapers for the little ones.
TAYLOR: What?
LORELAI: Dorsal fins and cucamonga.
TAYLOR: What did she say
LORELAI (whispers to Max): I confuse him till he loses his train of thought and then he moves on. Hot dog?
TAYLOR: All right, I'd like to open the meeting up for miscellaneous issues.
TROUBADOUR: I have an issue.
TAYLOR: Who are you?
TROUBADOUR: The town troubadour.
TAYLOR: The what?
BABETTE: You've seen him Taylor, with his guitar.
TAYLOR: Right, the guitar.
MISS PATTY: Yes, he plays on all the street corners.
LUKE: He loiters on street corners.
TAYLOR: We're two peas in a pod Luke.
LUKE: Scary thought Taylor.
BABETTE: Go on honey.
TROUBADOUR: Thank you. I've been the town troubadour for six months now, and I think I've done a pretty good job and then, he shows up (points to other troubadour).
TROUBADOUR 2: Hey.
TROUBADOUR 1: And there's no room for a second troubadour in Stars Hollow.
MOREY: Clearly.
TAYLOR: This is hands down the silliest thing I have ever heard.
LORELAI: Hear them out Taylor. It can't hurt. (Taylor looks at the bag she's holding in her hand) These are not fries. They are farfignugen sugen dugen.
TAYLOR: I opened the floor for issues of substance. This does not qualify.
MOREY: Note beyond cool Taylor. Music is substance.
TAYLOR: Watch out Morey. After that anatomically explicit epithet your wife yelled at me earlier, you're both on probation.
TROUBADOUR 1: All I'm asking is that the town troubadour laws be enforced.
TAYLOR: There are no town troubadour laws.
MISS PATTY: There ought to be something.
KIRK: I've got the town handbook right here.
TAYLOR: I don't get this people. This man is practically a vagrant. I mean, where do you even live? What do you do for a living?
TROUBADOUR 1: I don't want people to know those things!
TAYLOR: Why not?
TROUBADOUR 1: Because that's part of being a troubadour.
TAYLOR: What is part of being a troubadour?
TROUBADOUR 1: The mystique!
TAYLOR: Oh, this is absolutely ridiculous. Do you subscribe to this troubadour mystique?
TROUBADOUR 2: I run a Kinko's in Groton.
TROUBADOUR 1: You see, that proves it. He doesn't respect the code. You're not supposed to talk. You're not supposed to run a Kinko's. You're supposed to speak through your music. That's the whole point.
TAYLOR: What is your scam buddy?
TROUBADOUR 1: My scam?
TAYLOR: Because if you are using the fine people of Stars Holow to make a quick buck . . .
MISS PATTY: No Taylor, he doesn't accept money. I know, I tried.
TAYLOR: He may not now, but he will. This troubadour act is a money making scheme. Why else would he be doing it?
RORY: Because sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid, so if you could write a song and sing it then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself, but all of us can't be songwriters so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know that we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever. (Brief pause. She puts her hand on Troubadour 1's shoulder.) So give this guy a license. (Applause)
LORELAI: Well, I liked that little speech.
CLARA (whispers to Dean): That's the Girl Scout.
TAYLOR: In the interest of not talking about this subject for another second, I hereby designate 'Mystique Guy' over here the official town troubadour. And no other troubadour may usurp his territory, meaning this other guy.
(Lorelai throws a French fry at Luke. He turns around.)
LORELAI: Do you want some fries? We have extra.
LUKE: Nah, Rachel's minding the store so I should probably get going.
LORELAI: Yeah, I agree.
LUKE: I knew you would.
(Luke gets up and leaves. Max pulls Lorelai closer and gives her a kiss. Rory looks to where Dean was sitting, but sees that he left.)
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
(Luke walks in the diner. Rachel is behind the counter.)
RACHEL: Oh, you're back.
LUKE: Yeah, nothing much pressing at the town meeting.
RACHEL: Okay. Well, the bread shipment's all put away, and I sent Ceasar home since it was pretty dead.
LUKE: Good. Good call.
RACHEL: Thanks.
(Rachel picks up her luggage and walks out from behind the counter.)
LUKE: So you're leaving huh?
RACHEL: Yeah.
LUKE: Were you even gonna tell me?
RACHEL: I was waiting for you to get back so I could say goodbye.
LUKE: Yeah, you at least always do that. So go.
RACHEL: Don't you even want to know why?
LUKE: I know why.
RACHEL: I don't think you do.
LUKE: It's just like all the other times Rachel. You're the anywhere but here girl, you're restless, you're bored, it is what it is.
RACHEL: That's not it.
LUKE: Then what is it? Is there another guy?
RACHEL: No.
LUKE: Then what?
RACHEL: It's another girl.
LUKE: What? You telling me you're. . .
RACHEL: The other girl isn't for me Luke, it's for you.
LUKE: Okay. Now that's crazy.
RACHEL: Yeah?
LUKE: Yeah.
RACHEL: No.
LUKE: You feel you need a different excuse this time to mix things up a little, fine. But you are not leaving because of me.
RACHEL: I'm sure you tried Luke. But admit it, you're heart wasn't in it.
LUKE: My heart was in it. I was here, I didn't leave. . . .I don't get this.
RACHEL: Luke.
LUKE: And what are you talking about, another girl. What other girl? (Rachel stares at him) Oh Rachel, no, you don't mean. . . She and I are just friends. I told you that a thousand times.
RACHEL: No. You told it to me once. And you could barely get it out then.
LUKE: Okay, this is crazy. You've got it wrong here. It's not. . .She and I are. . .uh. . .
RACHEL: I'm gonna go. I'll miss you (she hugs him goodbye) Stay in touch.
LUKE: Rachel, come on.
(Rachel walks to the door and stops. She turns around to look at Luke.)
RACHEL: So don't wait too long okay.
LUKE: To what?
RACHEL: To tell her. (Rachel leaves.)
CUT TO CHILTON COURTYARD
(Rory is walking to catch up with Madeline and Louise.)
RORY: Hey Madeline. I've got the notes you wanted.
MADELINE: No thanks.
RORY: No these are the ones you asked for. The biology notes from Tuesday. The other day you said you. . .
MADELINE: No thanks.
RORY: But. . What's wrong with her?
LOUISE: Nothing's wrong with her Mary.
RORY: Mary? Oh no, not this Virgin Mary thing again.
LOUISE: Not virgin. Typhoid.
(Paris is walking next to Rory. Rory notices Paris staring at her.)
RORY: What?
PARIS: You know, when we met at the beginning of the year, I didn't like you because I thought you were some rube from the sticks and I have no patience for rubes.
RORY: How very enlightening.
PARIS: But then I discovered that you're not so dumb. You even seemed modestly interesting at times. That's when I made a very big mistake. I let my guard down. That won't happen again.
RORY: What is all this about?
PARIS: It's about using people for your own sick ends. It's about making enemies where you should have made friends.
RORY: How did I make you my enemy?
PARIS: Oh I think you know.
RORY: What? Was it setting you up with Tristin? I'm sorry about that. I thought I was just being nice.
PARIS: Oh sure you did.
RORY: I helped you get ready. I loaned you my mother's clothes, which I still haven't gotten back by the way.
PARIS: Oh my God, you're right. I hope those weren't the ones Skippy had her puppies on. I'll check when I get home.
RORY: Tell me what I did. Paris!
PARIS: Think about it at PJ Harvey.
RORY: Is that what this is about? I'm not going to PJ Harvey.
PARIS: Tristin says you are.
RORY: Well, then he lied.
PARIS: I saw the tickets.
RORY: He bought those tickets on his own.
PARIS: Look, I'm over Tristin so don't back out on my account.
RORY: There's nothing to back out of.
PARIS: I don't have time for things like concerts anyway. I'm already lining up my extracurriculars for next year. By the way, are you still going out for the school paper?
RORY: You know I am.
PARIS: You're going to need a faculty recommendation.
RORY: I think I can swing it.
PARIS: And the support of the student editor.
RORY: I'm not worried.
PARIS: Worry. I just got the job.
RORY: Oh. Congratulations.
PARIS: Thank you. And don't worry, you'll have some role. How's covering the new parking lot landscaping sound?
RORY: Peachy.
PARIS: Too bad I already filled the spot for music coverage. You know, record reviewing and such. You'd have been perfect for it. I gave the job to Louise.
RORY: Louise owns two CDs.
PARIS: Yeah. Well, gotta go. Have a really good summer.
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
(Doorbell rings. Lorelai comes down the steps, trying to put her shoes on.)
LORELAI: You're annoyingly on time again! Ugh. Okay, stairs then shoes, stairs then shoes. (Opens front door) Oh hi.
LUKE: Hey. You're all dressed up.
LORELAI: Oh, I'm going out.
LUKE: Oh sorry. I forgot my toolbox so I just thought I'd come pick it up.
LORELAI: Oh yeah. It's right over here. Rory and I couldn't lift it or we would've brought it to you and then we got used to having it here, so we named it Bert and we'd say Goodnight Bert and it'd say Goodnight girls and we spend too much time home alone.
LUKE: Well, thanks for taking care of it.
LORELAI: Our pleasure.
(Luke places the toolbox on the hall table.)
LUKE: So Rachel left.
LORELAI: What!
LUKE: Last night. She left. For good.
LORELAI: Oh no, Luke I'm so sorry. What happened?
LUKE: Ah, it's hard to explain.
LORELAI: I can't believe it. I thought she was really in it for the long haul this time.
LUKE: Yeah well, she had her reasons.
LORELAI: Really? What?
(Max knocks lightly on the front door and pushes it open.)
MAX: Hello? I'd tried to be late.
LORELAI: Oh and an utter failure at one minute past.
LORELAI: Um, so uh, Max Medina this is Luke Danes. Luke owns the diner. He has the greatest coffee.
MAX: Oh right. I saw you at the town meeting
LUKE: Yeah I saw you too.
MAX: Nice to meet you.
LUKE: Uh huh.
MAX: Mm hmm. So, we should be going.
LORELAI: Oh yeah.
LUKE: Yeah, I 'm gonna get going. I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai.
LORELAI: Yeah, you're very handy. So Luke, we'll talk later.
LUKE: Yes we will.
MAX: Although probably not tonight. We won't be back until late.
LORELAI: No, I meant not tonight.
MAX: Oh, I misunderstood.
LORELAI: I meant tomorrow. So tomorrow.
LUKE: Absolutely. We see each other most everyday.
MAX: Well sure, you've got the coffee.
LUKE: And she needs the coffee. So I'll see you tomorrow.
LORELAI: Tomorrow.
LUKE: Same time as always.
MAX: I'd count on a little later.
LUKE: Doesn't matter what time it is. I'll always be around.
LORELAI: Bye. (Luke leaves.)
MAX: So are we going?
LORELAI: Uh, yeah. Just wanted to make sure you two were through swinging those things around. Someone's bound to lose an eye.
MAX: What are you talking about?
LORELAI: Nothing. I'll get my purse.
(Lorelai walks into the living room. Max follows her.)
MAX: So not to be blunt, but is that over?
LORELAI: Is what over?
MAX: Whatever's going on that I just walked in on.
LORELAI: Oh Max, come on, that's Luke.
MAX: I kind of picked something up there.
LORELAI: Okay. Well, drop it back on the ground and kick it under the couch, because there is no there there.
MAX: Hey, it's okay. I mean, we were apart for quite a while. I never assumed you joined a convent.
LORELAI: Max.
MAX: I mean, it's not like I didn't date while we were apart.
LORELAI: You dated?
MAX: A little.
LORELAI: A little person?
MAX: No, I dated a little.
LORELAI: Okay. Well, I didn't expect you to join a manvent or whatever the male equivalent of that is called. Who did you date?
MAX: A monastery.
LORELAI: You dated a monastery?
MAX: No, a monastery is the male equivalent of a convent.
LORELAI: Thank you Mr. Medina. I'll make a note for the quiz on Friday.
MAX: I didn't know if I'd ever see you again.
LORELAI: No, I get it. Yes. We were apart. And, uh, you know, I didn't exactly remain inactive.
MAX: So you did date Luke?
LORELAI: No, I did not date Luke.
MAX: You can tell me.
LORELAI: I did not date Luke.
MAX: There was a vibe.
LORELAI: There was no vibe. What is with the questioning? You won't tell me who you dated.
MAX: There's no one you know.
LORELAI: Okay, well, did you date like casual nothing type dating or did you date like get down, soul train kind of a dating?
MAX: Well, I wouldn't have phrased it that way, but to be honest, it was the latter.
LORELAI: Good, good. Okay. Well, I like your honesty. Because I mean you could've lied and left that part out to spare my feelings which would've been unnecessary. So thank you, that was good. I slept with Rory's dad.
MAX: Let's change the subject.
LORELAI: On my parents' balcony.
MAX: I want to change the subject.
LORELAI: Okay, well you started it.
MAX: I did not mean for this to become a who slept with whom contest.
LORELAI: Well, how did it get that way?
MAX: I don't know. Why do we do this? Why do we let it get weird between us just when it's getting good again?
LORELAI: I don't know.
MAX: I don't like it.
LORELAI: I don't either.
MAX: And I'm sick of it.
LORELAI: Well, so am I.
MAX: We can't keep getting this close just to have something completely derail us again. And frankly there's only one thing I can think of that could solve it.
LORELAI: Break up.
MAX: Ugh.
LORELAI: Well, I'm not interested in a murder-suicide kind of thing. .
MAX: We should get married.
(pause)
LORELAI: Give me a clue as to whether you're kidding or not.
MAX: I am not kidding.
LORELAI: Good clue.
MAX: What do you say?
LORELAI: Nothing. Max, you did not just propose to me.
MAX: Yes I did.
LORELAI: No. A proposal had to be something more than the desperate desire to end a bickering match.
MAX: It was more than that.
LORELAI: No, it has to be planned. It should be magical. There should be music playing and romantic lighting and a subtle buildup to the popping of the big question. There should be a thousand yellow daisies and candles and a horse and I don't know what the horse is doing there unless you're riding it, which seems a little over the top, but it should be more than this.
MAX: You're right.
LORELAI: I am right.
MAX: I'm sorry.
LORELAI: It's okay.
MAX: Let's start the evening over.
LORELAI: Ding dong.
MAX: Oh, now I'm five minutes late.
LORELAI: Well, you're making good progress.
MAX: Let's go?
(Lorelai follows Max toward the front door.)
LORELAI: Bye bye Bert.
(They both leave.)
CUT TO OUTSIDE CHILTON
(Tristin is waiting against the wall for Rory. As she walks past, he walks next to her.)
TRISTIN: So I'm a little tired of this game.
RORY: What game?
TRISTIN: Are we meeting there or what?
RORY: What are you talking about?
TRISTIN: The concert's tonight.
RORY: Well I hope you and the empty seat next to you have a lot of fun.
TRISTIN: I'm started to get a little irritated here.
RORY: So am I.
TRISTIN: What are you mad about?
RORY: You've been telling everyone that I'm going to this thing with you.
TRISTIN: Just a couple.
RORY: You told Paris. Paris and I had just started getting along and now she hates me again.
TRISTIN: Well, the damage is done. You might as well go to PJ Harvey with me.
RORY: Never never. I am never going anywhere with you ever.
TRISTIN: You know, these tickets cost me a fortune.
RORY: They cost your daddy a fortune.
TRISTIN: I don't even know anybody else who's even into this stupid guy.
RORY: PJ Harvey's a woman.
(Tristin grabs Rory's books)
RORY: What are you doing?
TRISTIN: You'll get them back when you agree to go with me.
RORY: You're pathetic Tristin. Keep the books. I'm leaving. (Sees Dean in the parking lot) Dean? (Walks towards him) Dean. What are you doing here?
DEAN: I'm leaving.
RORY: Don't go.
DEAN: I shouldn't have come.
RORY: No wait.
DEAN: I feel like an idiot.
RORY: Why?
DEAN: 'Cause I come all the way out here and I see you with him. That's just great.
RORY: No, Tristin was just . . .
DEAN: I don't care.
RORY: No listen.
DEAN: He's got your books Rory.
RORY: But he took them and wouldn't give them back. Please just tell me why you're here.
DEAN: I don't even know.
RORY: Yes you do.
DEAN: 'Cause I thought you . . Forget it.
RORY: No say it.
DEAN: I thought you were trying to talk to me.
RORY: Oh.
DEAN: I mean, you came to my house.
RORY: That wasn't me.
DEAN: It was you.
RORY: It must've been someone that looked like me.
DEAN: My sister recognized you from the pictures in my box.
RORY: In what box?
DEAN: The box of stuff I have of us. Pictures and letters and everything from you.
RORY: You have a Rory box?
DEAN: And what was going on at the town meeting, all that stuff about writing a song?
RORY: I don't know what I was talking about.
DEAN: That had nothing to do with me? Well I must have imagined it all then. Your boyfriend's waiting.
RORY: He's not my boyfriend. I hate him.
DEAN: Whatever.
RORY: Dean.
DEAN: What.
RORY: Stop.
DEAN: Why.
RORY: Because I love you, you idiot.
(Dean walks over to her and they kiss. Tristin puts Rory's books down on the ground and walks away.)
CUT TO FRONT OF THE INDEPENDENCE INN
(Michel is arguing with Kirk in front of the door. Lorelai comes running up to them)
MICHEL: Do you understand what I'm trying to explain to you? Do you speak English? Are you listening to me? Ah, what took you?
LORELAI: Sorry, I got here as quickly as I could. Hi Kirk.
MICHEL: Do not address him. He's a scoundrel.
KIRK: I'm just doing my job.
LORELAI: What's going on?
MICHEL: Am I or am I not the head man in charge of floral deliveries?
LORELAI: Yes, and one of the few men I know who would proudly declare that fact.
KIRK: I'm just doing my job.
MICHEL: Stop saying that.
LORELAI: This has to do with flowers we ordered?
MICHEL: Flowers we did not order.
KIRK: I'm just doing my job.
MICHEL: Say that one more time and I'm going to punch your nose.
LORELAI: It must be a mistake.
KIRK: There's no mistake.
MICHEL: I did not order these flowers.
KIRK: It says that you have to be here to personally accept them.
LORELAI: That I have to be here? Well that's. . . .
MICHEL: I am head man in charge of flowers.
KIRK: I just do what I'm told.
MICHEL: I warned you to stop saying that.
(Lorelai walks inside the inn)
CUT TO INSIDE THE INN
(Lorelai comes through the door)
KIRK: That's not what I was saying before.
MICHEL: It is a little variation that will still lead to a punch on the nose.
(Michel and Kirk come through the door)
MICHEL: Daisies no less. As if I would order these pitiful little things. Foul things, these daisies. And just a notch up from weeds. And look how many. I mean, there must be at least. . .
LORELAI: A thousand of them. A thousand yellow daisies.
(Pan around inn's lobby, which is filled with daisies. Lorelai walks into the middle and them and looks around.)
KIRK: That's right. There's exactly a thousand of them. The order states that there is to be exactly 1000. Not 1001, not 999, but 1000. You ask for 1000, I bring 1000. I don't question the orders. I merely fill them.
MICHEL: Job well done, Mr. Adolph Eichmann.
(Lorelai sits down on a table in the middle of all the daisies, pulls out her cell phone and calls Max.)
MAX: I couldn't find a horse.
LORELAI: You didn't have to.
MAX: Don't say anything, okay, please. You were right last night. I shouldn't have proposed to you like that. It was stupid. It was the wrong place, and the wrong time, and I kicked myself the entire night for doing it. But you were wrong about something too. I didn't propose to you because we were fighting. I proposed because I love you. We're in a bad pattern Lorelai and we have to break it. And other than that murder suicide thing you were talking about, which would be illegal and messy, I can only think to be impetuous.
LORELAI: Max.
MAX: No, listen, I woke up this morning and I realized that I have studied and talked a great literature all my life and those stories are replete with characters that let opportunities slip by. But what I teach is more than just literature, its lessons in life. And if I don't follow the tenants of those lessons, I'm not the man I thought I was. The man I want to be.
LORELAI: God, you talk so good.
MAX: I don't want an answer now. I've thought about this. I want you to do the same. I love you Lorelai Gilmore. And I know this to be true. I'll talk to you later. (They both hang up)
(Lorelai looks around at the daisies)
LORELAI: Oh my . . .
CUT TO STREET
(It's nighttime. Lorelai is walking down the sidewalk. She passes the town troubadour, who's in mid-song. Troubadour 2 walks by and the official troubadour nods for him to join in.)
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
(Luke is standing at a table pouring coffee for Kirk when Lorelai bursts through the door.)
LORELAI: Rory!
LUKE: Geesh, you made me spill.
LORELAI: Sorry! Uh, she's not here?
LUKE: No, what's the matter?
LORELAI: I sent her a message to meet me here at 7 and she's supposed to meet me here at 7, so what time is it?
LUKE: Seven.
KIRK: I'm damp. (Luke throws a towel on Kirk's table)
LORELAI: Where is she?
LUKE: Calm down, is everything okay?
LORELAI: Yes, maybe, I think so. I don't know.
LUKE: So what's going on?
LORELAI: Big things. Big potentially life-changing things.
LUKE: You get a promotion?
LORELAI: Oh yeah, they made me head salesman of the Northwest Territories. No I run an inn, there's no place to promote me too.
LUKE: So it's nothing to do with work?
LORELAI: Where is she?
LUKE: Have some coffee while you wait.
LORELAI: No, I couldn't take coffee, big hole, through the roof, very bad.
LUKE: You're saying no to coffee. This is big. Can't tell me what it is?
LORELAI: I just really need to tell Rory first.
LUKE: But you're happy about this news.
LORELAI: I might be. Maybe. It's just kind of a, wow I can't believe this is happening to me kind of a mindblowing moment. . (pager beeps) Oh there she is! I'm gonna go (hands Luke a daisy) The whole town gets one today.
(Lorelai leaves)
LUKE: Bye
CUT TO OUTSIDE THE DINER
(Lorelai is outside in front of the diner. She sees Rory down the street. They smile and run towards each other. They talk at the same time.)
LORELAI/RORY: You first! (They laugh) You first!
(Pan back to an overhead shot of the gazebo as they jump up and down excitedly in the street.) | Plan: A: her revenge; Q: What does Paris do after Tristan lies about going to a concert with Rory? A: Rachel; Q: Who leaves Stars Hollow after she believes that Luke is in love with Lorelai? A: his protests; Q: What does Rachel think Luke is in love with Lorelai despite? A: the Stars Hollow troubadour; Q: Who does Rory defend during a town meeting? A: Dean; Q: Who does Rory finally say the words she's been wanting to say to? A: the words; Q: What does Dean long to hear from Rory? A: Max; Q: Who proposes to Lorelai with a thousand yellow daisies? A: a little not-so-friendly rivalry; Q: What do Luke and Max engage in when they meet? A: an item; Q: What did Max suspect Lorelai and Luke were once what? Summary: Paris wreaks her revenge after Tristan lies about going to a concert with Rory; Rachel leaves Stars Hollow after she becomes convinced that despite his protests, Luke is in love with Lorelai; Rory's defense of the Stars Hollow troubadour during a town meeting brings her back together with Dean, enabling her to finally say, and mean, the words that he's been longing to hear; Luke and Max meet and engage in a little not-so-friendly rivalry as Max begins to suspect, despite her protests, that Lorelai and Luke were once an item; Max proposes to Lorelai with a thousand yellow daisies. |
Teleplay by: Scott Siveri
Story by: David J. Lagana
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica are there. Rachel is reading everyone's horoscope.]
Rachel: Okay, Chandler!
Chandler: Okay.
Rachel: And your horoscope says, "On the fifth a special someone is going to give you a gift."
Chandler: (To Monica) Oh, well thank you in advance. (Kisses her.)
Rachel: Op, but the twelfth brings a lover's spat.
Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!
Rachel: Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself.
(Phoebe winks and licks her lips while eyeing Chandler.)
Joey: (entering) Hey guys!
Chandler: Hey!!
Rachel: (ecstatic) Oh my God! It's Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!!!!!!
(Everyone claps and cheers, Joey mimics looking about with a gun.)
Chandler: Oh that's right. It's your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?
Joey: Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV series? I've dreamed about this for years! Why have I not been preparing?!
Phoebe: No! Joey, you're going to be great!
Joey: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I don't know anything about technology! I can't even use Chandler's computer except to find p0rn! And-and that's only 'cause it's right there when you turn it on!
Monica: I think our lover's spat will start a little early this month.
Phoebe: (in a sexy voice to Chandler) I'll be waiting.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse. Phoebe is now looking at the covers of two different books.]
Chandler: Are you judging them by their covers? Because you're really not supposed to do that.
Phoebe: No, I'm just deciding which one to use-I'm gonna start writing another book!
Rachel: Be-because the last one was such a big seller?
Phoebe: Well, if you must know I have written 14 books. And as I am the only one who has read them, I can tell you that they all have been very well received.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Rachel: Hey!
Ross: What are you guys doing later?
Phoebe: Oh, Rachel and I have appointments to get our hair cut.
Rachel: (To Phoebe) We do?
Phoebe: I want to see what he wants first.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: (continuing) I just found out that Elizabeth's dad wants to meet me.
Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! You're not Elizabeth's dad?!
Ross: Come on guys, I-I really want this guy to like me. It-it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good.
All: Of course we'll help! Yeah! We'll be here!
Ross: Thanks!
Monica: We know how tough those parent/teacher conferences can be.
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, it's the set of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. The producer is showing Joey around the set.]
The Producer: (walking into Mac's office) So uh, here's your office set!
Joey: Wow! Huh? (Picks up the phone) Mac Macaveli, Private Investigator!
The Producer: (checking his watch) Let's get you into wardrobe for a fitting.
Joey: Okay. Hey uh, when do I get to meet the robot?
The Producer: I'm sorry, why don't we do that right now? He's right here. (Points to a guy.)
Joey: Okay.
The Producer: Joey Tribbiani, this is...
Joey: Oh wow! He's so lifelike! (Starts touching the guy's cheeks) Unbelievable! (He starts tugging on the guy's ears.
The Producer: This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: (slaps Wayne on his cheek) How do you do there, Wayne? (Backs away.)
The Producer: I'll let you two guys get acquainted, huh? (Walks away.)
Joey: Okay. Sorry about that...(Mimics that cheek thing he just did.) Uh, so where's C.H.E.E.S.E.?
Wayne: C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here. (He puts on his headset, picks up the controller, and wheels C.H.E.E.S.E. in. C.H.E.E.S.E. is just a plain old robot on tracks; he kinda looks like No. 5 in the movie Short Circuit.)
C.H.E.E.S.E.: (Wayne with a computerized voice) Nice to meet you Mac!
Joey: (laughs) This is like the temporary robot, right?
Wayne: No. Why?
Joey: Well, I-I just, I just it was going to be like a really cool robot, y'know? Like the terminator or uh, when I first saw you.
Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine, it's absolutely state of the art.
Joey: I'm sorry, it just-I don't know it doesn't really look like it can do anything.
Wayne: It can do this. (He moves C.H.E.E.S.E.'s arm close to Joey's special area and he jumps back.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]
Elizabeth: This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.
Ross: It-it's great to meet you Paul.
Paul: I usually prefer Elizabeth's boyfriends to address me as Mr. Stevens.
Ross: Of course, of course, Mr. Stevens.
Paul: So Ross, what your problem?
Ross: Eh-wh-Excuse me?
Paul: Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age?
Ross: That's funny. Umm.... (Pause, then serious) It's not funny.
Paul: I don't like you going out with my daughter Ross.
Ross: Okay. I can, I can see that. Umm, but I think if you give me umm, one chance I can, I can change your mind.
Paul: Okay.
Ross: What?
Paul: Okay. I'll give you one chance to change my mind. (Ross laughs in relief) You got one minute. (Ross suddenly gets worried.)
Elizabeth: Daddy!
Paul: Fine! Two minutes. Go.
Ross: This is-you-(Ross starts laughing.)
Paul: (laughs then checking his watch) 1 minute 50 seconds.
Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean I've been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a student-I mean I not-not it! I mean, I mean I don't-We haven't done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, we've-we've-we've done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a joke-lighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.
Paul: I'm Irish.
Ross: And the Irish guy wins the joke!
(Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe enter.)
Monica: Ross!!
Chandler: Ross!
Monica: How crazy that we'd run into you!
Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens I'd like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.
Phoebe: You're Elizabeth's father, huh? I can see now where she gets her rugged handsomeness.
Monica: (obviously attracted to him) Is-is-is there a-a Mrs. Stevens?
Chandler: There's a Mr. Bing!
Paul: No, unfortunately Lizzie's mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.
Phoebe and Monica: (sympathetic) Ohh!
Paul: I get that a lot.
Ross: Okay umm, why don't we all take a seat, y'know? And uh, and I'll get us all some uh some coffees-(He goes to pull out Elizabeth's chair, but Paul steps in)-Yeah, why don't you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Y'know? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)
Monica: Y'know, it is so strange seeing Ross here this time of day, 'cause usually he's got the children's hospital.
Phoebe: Yeah. Not looking for dates. (Monica turns in horror.)
Elizabeth: So uh, Monica is Ross's sister.
Monica: And he's a great brother!
Paul: I had a sister.
Monica: Ohh!
Paul: She passed away.
Monica and Phoebe: (sympathetic) Ohh!
Paul: Oh, you don't have to do that every time.
Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story... (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isn't happy.) You're roommate in college died didn't he?
Paul: A part of him did yes.
Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.
Chandler: Yes, we were just...
(Rachel runs in.)
Rachel: Hi, I'm sorry I'm late but I am ready, ready to talk you up! When does Liz's father get here?
Paul: I'm already here.
Rachel: Oh! Ross is sooo great!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is working on her book at the kitchen table, Monica is on the couch, and Chandler is entering from the bathroom carrying a package of toilet paper.]
Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.
Monica: No, you said the baby creeps you out.
Chandler: No, the little girl creeps me out.
Monica: You said the baby.
Chandler: Why would the baby creep me out?
Monica: Why would the little girl creep you out?
Phoebe: (writing frantically) You guys, I'm sorry, could you please talk a little slower?
Chandler: This is going in your book?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's about relationships. Y'know? The traps, the pitfalls, what not to do, keep going. This stuff is great!
Monica: What?! Excuse me!
Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as it's a compliment.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there alone as Paul enters.]
Rachel: (seeing him) Oh hi!
Paul: Hi! Hi. (He's looking around.) I think I left my keys here somewhere.
Rachel: Oh! Well let's look for them. (Finds some under one of the couch cushions. It has a pink, fuzzy ball on the key chain.) Oh-oh-hey! Are these them?
Paul: No.
Rachel: All right! (Throws them back under the cushion.)
Paul: Oh, here they are right here. (Picks them up from underneath the corner of the couch.)
Rachel: Oh good.
Paul: Thanks for your help. (Starts to leave.)
Rachel: (chasing after him) Oh, wait! Sorry, Mr. Paul? Mr. Paul?
Paul: Just call me Paul.
Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.
Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?
Rachel: You just don't look old enough to have a twenty-year-old daughter.
Paul: Well, we were very young when we had her.
Rachel: Oh. We?
Paul: Well yeah, it usually, it takes two people to... (He taps his index fingers together.)
Rachel: Oh no! Yes! Of course, I know that! I just-I meant y'know are you still a 'We' or are you just 'You?'
Paul: I'm just me, my wife died shortly after Lizzie was born.
Rachel: (sympathetic) Ohh. So you raised her all on your own?
Paul: Yes I did.
Rachel: Ohh. (She touches his arm for support and likes what she feels) Ooh!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: How was your first day?
Joey: Pretty great! Except I did get a little attitude from the robot.
Chandler: Damn those robots, they're supposed to be our faithful servants!
Joey: Anyway, it wasn't the robot, it was the guy who controls him. Yeah, he doesn't like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich right when I was reaching for one! Ohh!
Phoebe: Well, why don't you just get him fired?
Joey: I may have to, I hate to do it, but I'm the star! Y'know? There's a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. (His cell phone rings) Excuse me. (Answers it, on phone) Joey Tribbiani.
Estelle: (on the other end) Joe! I'm glad I found ya, I got an audition for ya!
Joey: Wow!
Estelle: The thing is it's kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesn't know he might be fired. It's the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Joey: I'm the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!
Estelle: Uh-oh!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]
Ross: Joey?!
Paul: Hi Ross.
Rachel: I was just getting him to like you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, scene is continued from earlier.]
Ross: Joey?! Joey!! (He runs into his bedroom.)
Rachel: Ross, Joey is not here.
Ross: Okay, I'll just wait for him in here!
Rachel: Ross, it's okay. You can come out.
Paul: Yeah Ross it's okay, it's me, Mr. Stevens.
Ross: (coming out of the bedroom) Oh! Oh my God! I didn't even see you!
Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)
Rachel: Bye!
Paul: I'll call you later. Bye Ross. (Leaves)
Ross: What-what-what the-how da-how did-what the-how did-what?!
Rachel: Well, y'know he lost his keys so he was looking for them...
Ross: (incredulous) In your mouth?!
Rachel: No! Downstairs! And we got to talking y'know, for like two hours, and I really liked him so I invited him up here for a cup of coffee.
Ross: You were at the coffeehouse!
Rachel: Ross, what's the big deal? So I kissed the guy!
Ross: He is my girlfriend's father, okay? It's-it's, it's weird!
Rachel: Wh-You dated my sister!
Ross: That was different!
Rachel: What? Why?!
Ross: This is weird for me!
Rachel: Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Let's face it, so far the guy's not lovin' ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, y'know? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!
Ross: How is that important?
Rachel: Oh it's important!
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Joey is telling everyone about his impending termination at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]
Joey: Apparently, there's like a million guys out there that can play Mac, and there's only this one robot and this one guy who controls it! I didn't know he could get me fired! What am I going to do?
Monica: Well y'know Joey, you're a pretty charming guy.
Joey: Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here.
Monica: No sweetie, you've got to win over the guy that controls C.H.E.E.S.E.! You've got to kiss some serious robot ass!
Joey: That's not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow I'm not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. (Starts to leave, but stops and turns to Phoebe.) Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. (Exits.)
Chandler: So do you think uh, Joey's more charming than me?
Monica: Yeah! That's why I'm sleeping with him on the side.
Chandler: Yeah, you wish. (Stops to think about it and gets depressed.)
Phoebe: (writing in her book) "You wish."
Monica: Phoebe, stop writing about us!
Phoebe: I'm not writing about you! I'm writing about other people.
Chandler: Who?
Phoebe: Marcia and Chester.
Monica: Okay fine! Fine! Then you know what, I'll just write about Phyllis! Hmm!
Chandler: Hmm.
Monica: (writing on a piece of paper) Phyllis is sitting in a chair.
Chandler: Oh.
Phoebe: I see what you're doing!
Monica: (still writing) Phyllis sees what I'm doing.
Chandler: Oh-oh.
Phoebe: Ooh, I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, Joey is walking up to C.H.E.E.S.E. and Wayne.]
Joey: Morning! Hey, how's my favorite genius and my little robot buddy?! (Pats C.H.E.E.S.E. on the head.)
Wayne: Don't touch him!
Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.'s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, that's why you didn't want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I can't believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin'? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)
[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross and Rachel are on their double date. Rachel is busy talking Ross up.]
Rachel: So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up, so Ross selflessly, offered to take me.
Elizabeth: What a nice story!
Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.
Rachel: Wow! I definitely did not see that one backfiring! I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Ross: Yeah, take your time.
(Rachel heads for the bathroom.)
Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasn't as bad as-as...
Paul: Ross, look, I know I've been giving you a lot of jabs and it's partly because I'm very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) you're not (pause) all bad.
Ross: Not all bad.
Paul: And anyhow, I'm sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like she's a twelve-year-old girl.
Ross: Yeah. You know what? I know what you mean; I do that too.
Paul: I beg your pardon?
Ross: No! No! Not-I don't mean I-I see her as a twelve-year-old girl! I mean I-I have a son, who's umm six and I still think of him as a baby.
Paul: You have a son?
Ross: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as I'm sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, I'm sorry! (To Elizabeth) It's unbelievable!
Paul: Don't worry about it, I just didn't realize you were married. (Rachel returns and hears that.)
Rachel: Oh we were, but that was just a (pause as the audience reacts), I mean that was just a big drunken mistake.
Ross: You're back.
Paul: You two were married?!
Rachel: Oh! Whoops! I'm sorry, you were talking about Emily!
(Ross slams his head down on the table.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are entering and they're arguing.]
Monica: Chandler, we said we would meet at the coffeehouse at six.
Chandler: We said seven!
Monica: We said six!
Chandler: The only way that I said six would be if the seven's, let meet at seven, not at six.
Monica: Yeah and if I had seven, maybe I would've said something like this, "Wow! My boyfriend's such a wise ass-seven!"
Phoebe: (Turning around in the chair) Hi!
Chandler: Oh my good God.
Monica: Ugh!
Phoebe: I know what time you said.
Chandler: What?!
Phoebe: Well actually, I know what time Chester and Marcia said.
Monica: What time?
Phoebe: Quite an interesting turn of events, suddenly it's my book to the rescue, huh? (Reading her book) Ooh, very interesting. Yeah, well this certainly clears things up.
Chandler: (disgusted) What does it say?!
Phoebe: I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book.
Chandler: Thank you for writing your book. Its-its uh, great book and you are the queen of everything.
Phoebe: Thanks! So are you.
Chandler: (To Monica) I told you I should not wear this color. (He's wearing a reddish-orange sweater.)
Phoebe: (reading from her book) Mon... (Pause as she restarts) Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks they're supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks it's at seven.
Chandler: So you knew we were gonna miss the movie!
Phoebe: That's right.
Monica: Inside of telling us you decided to write in your stupid book!
Phoebe: (writing in her book) Marcia and Chester are mad at Phyllis.
[Scene: Joey's Dressing Room, Joey and Chandler are there.]
Joey: I can't believe I'm going to lose this job!
Chandler: Oh I'm so sorry man! Is there anything I can do?
Joey: Yeah! Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard.
(There's a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Wayne.)
Wayne: Hey Joey, I want to talk to you.
Joey: Yeah? Well, I don't want to talk to you Wayne! I hate you! You ruined my life! Oh, Chandler, Wayne. Wayne, Chandler. (They shake hands.)
Chandler: Hi, how are ya?
Wayne: Joey, Joey, I-I-I'll g-get you your job back if you help me out.
Joey: (incredulous) Why should I help you?!
Chandler: (whispering in Joey's ear) The reason he just said.
Joey: (happily) What do you need?
Wayne: I-I-I saw you on stage talking to that beautiful woman, y'know Sarah?
Joey: Yeah?
Wayne: I wish I could talk to her.
Joey: What are you in love with her or something?
Wayne: Yeah. Her. All of them. Anyone.
Chandler: Yeah, I've been there my friend.
Wayne: Listen, I-I guarantee you keep your job if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do.
Joey: Oh wow Wayne, it's not really something you can teach y'know? It's pretty much something you're born with if you-(Off Chandler's look)-You-you can teach it! I'll show you right how to do it.
[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel is still trying to talk up Ross, not to much success.]
Rachel: I mean if you think about it, I mean Ross did learn something from each marriage.
Paul: How to make the next one even shorter?
Rachel: Now wait a minute that's not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didn't tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)
Paul: Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?
Ross: Y'know what? I-I-I... I-I have had enough of this! Y'know, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if you've got a problem with me, frankly...
Paul: Are you yelling at me?!
Ross: God no!
Elizabeth: Y'know what daddy? If you don't like Ross, that's fine. It doesn't matter to me, I'm gonna go out with him anyway.
Paul: Really?! (She nods in the affirmative.)
Ross: Well if it doesn't matter to her, it doesn't matter to me! (to Paul) Still not yelling!
Paul: Wow. What can I say? (Pause, pointing at Ross) This doesn't make me like you any better!
Ross: That's okay, I'm not so crazy about myself right now either.
Paul: Then we agree?
Ross: Uh yeah, I guess-Yeah! I guess so.
Paul: Neither of us like Ross!
Elizabeth: I like Ross.
Ross: Ohhh! Kids!
Rachel: (returning) Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is!
Ross: That's okay Rach, we're not liking Ross right now.
Rachel: Oh! I've got a lot of those too!
Ending Credits
[Scene: Mac's Office, Mac is talking to C.H.E.E.S.E. about their case.]
Joey: Well, it turns out you were right C.H.E.E.S.E.
C.H.E.E.S.E.: The shipment never made it through Omaha?
Joey: You got it! And the rabbi's beard, 100% horsehair. Nice catch C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Pauses as he waits for C.H.E.E.S.E.'s next line.) It's your line C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Suddenly C.H.E.E.S.E. goes crazy and starts flinging it's arms and advancing on Joey behind the desk.) Wayne! Wayne!!
(The camera cuts to Wayne who's busy making out with Sarah and rubbing C.H.E.E.S.E.'s controller on her back causing C.H.E.E.S.E. to go crazy. Joey starts throwing books at C.H.E.E.S.E. to get him to stop.) | Plan: A: Ross; Q: Who is nervous meeting Elizabeth's father? A: Bruce Willis; Q: Who plays Paul? A: Paul dislikes Ross; Q: What is Paul's opinion of Ross? A: Rachel; Q: Who is Paul interested in? A: Joey; Q: Who is unimpressed with C.H.E.E.S.E? A: Mac; Q: What is the name of the computer Joey begins working on? A: C.H.E.E.S.E.; Q: What is the name of Joey's robot sidekick? A: a mike; Q: What is the robot's voice piped through? A: the clout; Q: What does the robot's operator have to get Joey fired? A: Phoebe; Q: Who writes a novel based on Monica and Chandler? Summary: Ross is nervous meeting Elizabeth's father, Paul ( Bruce Willis ); Paul dislikes Ross but is interested in Rachel. Joey begins working on Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. but is openly unimpressed with C.H.E.E.S.E. his robot sidekick, a clumsy, slow-moving machine speaking with a distorted voice piped through a mike. This angers the robot's operator, who has the clout to get Joey fired. Phoebe writes a novel based on Monica and Chandler. |
THE WEB PLANET
BILL STRUTTON
5:40pm - 6:05pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM
(On a nearby wall, a gun-like tendril rises up and spits a ray at the DOCTOR and VICKI with a hissing noise. VICKI screams. She and the DOCTOR are enclosed in a thick mass of web...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE
(The Menoptra raiding party and BARBARA rise from their places of concealment behind some rocks. Their possessed ZARBI stands in the open...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM
(VICKI falls to one side and on the floor. The DOCTOR seems cold and stunned by the attack but they are otherwise unharmed. As the communications tendril tube descends from the ceiling, VICKI crawls towards the astral map. The tube falls over the head of a nervous looking DOCTOR and the sibilant voice of the ANIMUS addresses him...)
ANIMUS VOICE: You attempted escape?
DOCTOR: (Still shivering.) We have been on a slight...explortation.
ANIMUS VOICE: You have been brought back...to me.
DOCTOR: Brought back? We came...of our own free will. We are not to be subjected like the Zarbi's, or terrorised like the Menoptra! We are...
ANIMUS VOICE: (Interrupting.) You are of no further use except for the way you think. I need your intelligence. You will be brought to the centre, to mmeee...!
(The DOCTOR feels his face as the tube rises back into the ceiling. VICKI is under guard near the astral map as the DOCTOR struggles to his feet.)
VICKI: What do they want now?
DOCTOR: Oh, we...we shall be taken to the...centre, child. Try, oh! Try not to be afraid. Oh! Ahh!
(He takes her hand...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE
(BARBARA has been on a slight reconnoiter and now returns to her companions.)
BARBARA: The Doctor will have reached the control section by now. Prapillus, we should send in the Zarbi.
(PRAPILLUS hisses and raises the DOCTOR'S ring. In front of them, the ZARBI rises to obey...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR
(The DOCTOR and VICKI are being forced down a tendril covered corridor by two ZARBI. They are still covered with remnants of web.)
DOCTOR: Ah, you never let me have the web destructor back again, child. We may not get another chance.
VICKI: (Quietly.) Doctor, I haven't got it.
DOCTOR: Oh yes, I gave it to you, come along, my child, come along, come along.
VICKI: It's just that I haven't got it now.
DOCTOR: Well where is it now, er?
VICKI: It's in the astral map, I...
DOCTOR: Ahh...?
VICKI: I hid it there.
DOCTOR: Oh! Ah, ah!
(Stunned by this loss, they are forced on...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE.
(The raiding party stands on rocks outside the Carsenome entrance.)
PRAPILLUS: Zarbi coming. Are we ready?
(PRAPILLUS signals to their ZARBI as another comes out of the Carsenome. The two ZARBI go into battle, pushing against each other.)
HROSTAR: Prapillus, it will throw the necklace off.
PRAPILLUS: Harbara, now!
(BARBARA runs past the uncontrolled ZARBI, pushing it round as she does so. It faces her then runs towards her. HROSTAR and HILIO jump onto the rock where BARBARA was stood and call out to the creature, taunting it.)
HROSTAR: Zaaarrrrr-bi! Hich-hich-hich-hich!
HILIO: Zaaaarrrr-bi! Hich-hich!
(The ZARBI does not know how to react to this treatment and scuttles back and forth.)
HROSTAR: Zaaaarrr-bi! Hich-hich!
(The ZARBI seems to gain courage and makes a run for HROSTAR and HILIO. PRAPILLUS signals to HYLNIA and she runs in from another side, similarly taunting it but in a long drawn out squeal.)
HYLNIA: Zarbeeee-eeee-eeee-eeee-eeee!
(She backs into the Carsenome. The creature follows and she comes out alone a few seconds later.)
HYLNIA: It will return with reinforcements.
BARBARA: Well, that was the idea, wasn't it?
PRAPILLUS: We must move into the corridors to make it more difficult for the Zarbi. They won't scatter us so easily.
HROSTAR: (Arrogantly.) I will take the first larvae gun.
(This annoys the boastful HILIO and he and HROSTAR exchange hisses. Then the entire party, including the possessed ZARBI enters the Carsenome.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: INT. CARSENOME. CORRDIOR
(Two ZARBI and a larvae gun scuttle along a corridor, ready to deal with the intruders.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. TUNNEL
(The underground party has reached a wall from which roots seem to be growing out of it. IAN suddenly gives a cry of alarm as a liquid pours out of a crevice in the rock.)
IAN: Look out! It's acid again.
(VRESTIN examines the liquid.)
VRESTIN: No Heron. It is water.
(IAN steps forward to check and finds that VRESTIN is right.)
IAN: Water?
OPTERA HETRA: Huh. Poidarac sucks goodness from our worrrllld!
VRESTIN: Water. It sank below the surface when the Animus choked the soil.
IAN: Well it's still there, Vrestin. All you have to do is bring it to the surface. You can grow your plants again.
(IAN looks upwards through the roots.)
OPTERA HETRA: If we go up...we meet the blinding heart of...Poidarac. I...have...fear. Optera! (He turns to his fellow Optera.) Stay!
VRESTIN: Listen, Optera. Poidarac is evil. The Menoptra are stronger than evil. The world above is good.
(HETRA replies with guttural grunts, then he and his two companions confer whilst IAN turns to VRESTIN.)
IAN: Vrestin, this is a root. We can't lose our way. Why not leave them here?
VRESTIN: No. They are descendants of my race. They can live in light. Come.
(VRESTIN calls the Optera back but only HETRA does so.)
OPTERA HETRA: They stay. I go. If there is safety...I return for them. We go.
(IAN starts to climb the roots...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: INT. CARSENOME. ENTRANCE
(Just within the Carsenome, BARBARA and PRAPILLUS wait in an entrance alcove while the other three and their ZARBI are further within.)
PRAPILLUS: Hrostar?
HROSTAR: Yes, I'm ready.
BARBARA: (To PRAPILLUS.) What are they doing?
PRAPILLUS: The Zarbi will have larvae guns.
HILIO: This is the only way we can stop them.
HYLNIA: If it works.
(BARBARA edges forward out of the alcove.)
PRAPILLUS: Get back, Harbara!
(She does so as a ZARBI and a larvae gun appear at the end of the corridor - but wait, as if sensing danger. HROSTAR takes the wishbone necklace off their ZARBI and waits in concealment as the larvae gun edges forward. When it is near enough, HROSTAR runs forward, attempting to put the necklace on the gun. The creature manages to throw him off the first time. He tries again and manages to get the necklace over the creatures proboscis but not before it manages to shoot him. The two ZARBI, now defenceless, scuttle off into the Carsenome as HROSTAR falls dead on top of the larvae gun, crushing it in the process. The others run forward. HYLNIA gives out small crying sounds...)
HYLNIA: Oh! Hrostar is dead!
PRAPILLUS: Then we must succeed so that Hrostar may lie at rest in the Temple's of Light.
(HYLNIA lets out another cry.)
PRAPILLUS: Do not cry, Hlynia, there is work to do. Come.
(He leads her further into the Carsenome as BARBARA watches HILIO detach the necklace from the dead larvae gun. He stands up with it.)
HILIO: The next gun...is mine. (He walks forward, signalling to BARBARA.) Follow.
(They leave their dead companion behind...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE CHAMBER OF THE ANIMUS
(The DOCTOR and VICKI are led down a corridor to what appears to be a dead end. After a pause, tendril-covered doors part...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. CARSENOME. CHAMBER OF THE ANIMUS
(...and they are pushed by the ZARBI into the chamber. The whole room, its wall's and floor are covered with tendrils that emanate from a spider-like creature which occupies the centre of the chamber. Underneath it is a blinding light which flares as the DOCTOR and VICKI fall to the floor. They attempt to get up.)
VICKI: Oh, can you see it, Doctor? Can you see it?
DOCTOR: Oh, oh! This blinding light! It's too bright for my eyes!
(He falls back to the ground.)
ANIMUS VOICE: What Vortis is, I am. What you are, I will become.
(VICKI attempts to help the blinded DOCTOR.)
VICKI: Ah, Doctor!
DOCTOR: Argh!
VICKI: Doctor!
(She jumps towards the ANIMUS.)
VICKI: Oh, leave us alone, you parasite!
ANIMUS VOICE: Parasite? A power, absorbing territory, riches, energy. Come child! Come to me!
(VICKI finds the light too bright and struggles to stay on her feet.)
VICKI: You filthy, great...spider! You won't get us because...we won't move!
ANIMUS VOICE: Do not fight against it. Approach, approach, both of you...
VICKI: I mustn't move, I mustn't move, oh!
(But she finds herself drawn closer...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: INT. ROOTS
(IAN, VRESTIN and HETRA are still climbing the root tower. Above them is a strong light.)
IAN: Ah, there seems to be no end to it.
(A portion of root comes away in IAN'S hands and falls towards HETRA and VRESTIN below him.)
IAN: Ah, look out!
(The falling root almost knocks VRESTIN off. He put his hand and grabs VRESTIN.)
IAN: All right?
(VRESTIN gives out a sigh of agreement.)
OPTERA HETRA: The blinding...dark...is close...now.
VRESTIN: Heron, let us rest.
IAN: No!
(They continue upwards.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR
(BARBARA runs down a corridor and glances inside the Carsenome control room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM
(Inside is the TARDIS and next to it, a ZARBI.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR
(BARBARA hides against one side of the door with PRAPILLUS on the other. She calls behind her.)
BARBARA: Zarbi!
HILIO: (Rushing forward.) How many?
BARBARA: I only saw one.
HILIO: With larvae guns?
BARBARA: No, I think he was alone.
PRAPILLUS: Do not let him give the alarm, Hilio.
(HILIO runs into the control room with the necklace in his hands.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. CARSENSOME. CONTROL ROOM
(HILIO rushes the ZARBI but it easily re-buffs him and in the altercation, the necklace is dropped on the floor. HLYNIA tries next but she is similarly pushed back before she can grab the necklace. It is the old Menoptra PRAPILLUS who manages to grab the necklace and force it over the neck of the ZARBI. The creature falls quiet as they look round their surroundings.)
PRAPILLUS: This seems to be the Zarbi nest. How does the Animus control it?
HILIO: Look, there!
(The light wall has burst into life...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: INT. CHAMBER OF THE ANIMUS
(The DOCTOR lies at the feet of the ANIMUS. Its tendrils are wrapped round his arms and legs. VICKI is similarly trapped but she is still on her feet, however she is now tiring and she falls wearily to the ground.)
VICKI: I can't...I can't...struggle any more...Doctor, help me! Ahh!
(She falls next to the old man.)
DOCTOR: (Almost unconscious.) Mmm...
VICKI: There's no one, no chance...and it's all my fault!
DOCTOR: Mmm, mmm.
ANIMUS VOICE: What I take from you, will enable me to reach beyond this galaxy, into the solar system. To pluck from Earth, its myriad techniques and take from Man his mastery of space!
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM
BARBARA: Look out!
(Several tendrils rise from the wall and attempt to spit webs at the intruders. All four battle against the weapons, trying to stop them pointing at each other. One does manage to wound HLYNIA.)
PRAPILLUS: No Hlynia, argh, Hlynia!
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: INT. CARSENOME. CHAMBER OF THE ANIMUS
(An alarm sounds. This seems to rouse the DOCTOR. The ANIMUS sounds as if it is in pain...)
ANIMUS VOICE: Zarbi centre wounded! Aliens in control...!
(The DOCTOR'S head falls back down.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM
PRAPILLUS: This sector seems to be paralysed.
(BARBARA spots a familiar object. She crosses to it as HILIO helps HLYNIA who has sustained a wounded shoulder.)
BARBARA: And look! This is the Doctor's astral map.
PRAPILLUS: Does it work?
BARBARA: Yes, I think so.
PRAPILLUS: Can we speak to the invasion force with it?
BARBARA: Yes, if I..if I can just find the right frequency.
(She looks over the machine.)
BARBARA: Where would you want it set?
PRAPILLUS: To the planet Pictos. (He points to one of the star charts.) There.
(BARBARA manipulates one of the controls on top of the machine.)
BARBARA: Now, try that.
PRAPILLUS: Vortis to main force. Vortis to main force. Warning, repeat, warning, Electron guns useless against the Zarbi. Isop Plateau heavily ambushed. Wait for instructions. Reply.
(There is silence.)
HILIO: Either it hasn't heard, or it doesn't trust us.
BARBARA: Or I didn't set it right.
(She manipulates further controls...)
BARBARA: I don't know, there's something wrong. This thing ought to li...
(She knocks aside one of the star charts and stops when she sees what is within.)
BARBARA: Prapillus look! It's the Isop-tope! (She takes it out.) The Doctor - he must have been captured.
HILIO: (Taking hold of the Isop-tope.) Then we must take it to the centre ourselves.
BARBARA: But why would...
HILIO: There's no time to lose.
(He and HLYNIA rush off. PRAPILLUS re-assures a concerned BARBARA.)
PRAPILLUS: Hilio will take care of the Doctor.
BARBARA: Hilio...
(BARBARA runs off after HILIO. PRAPILLUS soon follows...)
PRAPILLUS: Hurry!
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: INT. BENEATH THE ANIMUS CHAMBER
(The underground party have finished their climb and now are crawling through a thin cavity beneath the ANIMUS. Roots still surround them. IAN turns on his back and presses the organic ceiling above him. He finds what appears to be a thinner section and tries forcing it but without success. He crawls back to HETRA.)
IAN: Give me this.
(HETRA grunts as IAN takes the Optera's crystalline spear and crawls back to where he tried forcing the ceiling. This time, he stabs at it with the spear.)
IAN: Argh, it's like trying to cut your way through treacle.
OPTERA HETRA: Huh, the blind mouth...of Poidarac...will not let us through.
VRESTIN: Heron! Try!
(IAN continues to stab at the ceiling...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR
(The Menoptra party rush towards the centre.)
HILIO: Remember - the Destructor must be aimed at the dark side of the Animus.
(PRAPILLUS looks round a corner.)
PRAPILLUS: Zarbi!
HYLNIA: Oh!
PRAPILLUS: There's no turning back. We must rush them. It only needs one of us to get through with the Destructor.
HILIO: Now!
(They run round the corner into the two ZARBI.)
PRAPILLUS: Zarrr-bi!
(HILIO and PRAPILLUS make it through the cordon.)
HILIO: Harbara!
(To distract the ZARBI, HILIO throws the Isop-tope to BARBARA. HLYNIA uses the moment to rush through.)
HYLNIA: Harbara! Harbara! Harbara!
(BARBARA throws the Isop-tope to her and rushes through the ZARBI.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE CHAMBER OF THE ANIMUS
BARBARA: They're not following us.
PRAPILLUS: Perhaps we were expected?
(HILIO looks at the tendril doors.)
HILIO: This...must be the centre. (To HYLNIA.) Give me the Isop-tope.
(She hands it to him. The doors open...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: INT. CHAMBER OF THE ANIMUS
(...and they rush in. The light of the ANIMUS flares, causing them all to cry out in pain.)
PRAPILLUS: Light!
(BARBARA falls to the ground. The Menoptra are paralysed by the light.)
ANIMUS VOICE: Ahh, all of you!
(HLYNIA is pulled towards the ANIMUS by the force of the light.)
HYLNIA: Light! Light! Light!
PRAPILLUS: No Hlynia, not this light! It is evil.
HILIO: Harbara! The Destructor! Take it!
(VICKI and the DOCTOR still lie at the foot of the ANIMUS, caught in its tendrils. VICKI hears HILIO'S cry and struggles to sit up.)
VICKI: Barbara... (Cries.) Oh, Barbara!
(VICKI cries. BARBARA tries to stand as she holds the Isop-tope. She gathers her wits...)
BARBARA: The dark side...I must aim it at the dark side...
ANIMUS VOICE: Approach...approach, Earth people. Your struggles are futile.
(BARBARA stands and aims the Isop-tope and activates it. There is no reaction.)
BARBARA: It...it doesn't work! It doesn't work!
ANIMUS VOICE: Escape is impossible...impossible.
(On the other side of the chamber, the underground party manages to break through and IAN'S head appears as he clambers upwards.)
BARBARA: Ian!
(The light flares out again and IAN is blinded too. A slight heartbeat sound is heard in the chamber.)
ANIMUS VOICE: You are expected too.
(BARBARA tries activating the Isop-tope again.)
ANIMUS VOICE: You have not the power...
(BARBARA falls at the feet of the ANIMUS and points the Isop-tope upwards. The creatures' voice suddenly takes on a more frantic tone.)
ANIMUS VOICE: ...Power!! Master them!
(The light under the ANIMUS starts to break up and the creature itself starts to collapse. Smoke pours out of it.)
ANIMUS VOICE: Master ttthhheeemmmm!
(The ANIMUS'S final words are lost as it dies. It's body lies still on top of the light source. All the intruders in the room start to recover from the effects of the light. VICKI struggles to sit up.)
VICKI: (In disbelief.) It's dead! It's dead!
(The DOCTOR starts to come round as VICKI is overcome with relief.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
25: EXT: VORTIS
(Some time later, the Carsenome has almost fully dissolved into the dust of Vortis now that its controlling source is dead. Vestiges of the tendril walls still remain to die out and near one of them a now docile ZARBI starts to dig in the sandy soil watched by PRAPILLUS. Liquid pours out of the ground. The ZARBI signals to others of its kind with its arms and they come forward to drink it. HILIO'S attention is attracted by this and with HYLNIA he comes forward to investigate. He hisses at the ZARBI to make them move. .)
HILIO: Hlynia, (He points.) Water.
(HYLNIA bends down and puts a hand in the water. She shakes it off.)
HILIO: Drink, Hlynia.
(HYLNIA does so, then stands up and calls VICKI over.)
HYLNIA: Vicki! Vicki! Vicki! Vicki!
VICKI: (Stepping foward.) What is it?
HYLNIA: Wa-ter!
(HYLNIA puts VICKI'S hands in the liquid.)
VICKI: It is! Oh, why does it appear now?
HILIO: Before the Animus, water flowed freely on Vortis. Now the evil is gone, our streams run pure again. Our vegetation will flourish.
VICKI: Barbara!
(A few feet away, BARBARA is playing with one of the now harmless larvae guns.)
VICKI: Barbara, come and look, water.
(BARBARA goes and investigates this sign of the planets' renewal. A small distance away, VRESTIN is with HETRA and two more of the Optera. They stand with their hands over their eyes, afraid of the light.)
VRESTIN: Be strong.
(They take their hands away, but with guttural starts, quickly clamp them back again.)
VRESTIN: Be strong. The light is very good!
(The Optera steel themselves and take their hands away again. This time, they find that they are able to adapt to the light. HETRA gathers confidence and turns to VRESTIN.)
OPTERA HETRA: We fly...like you.
VRESTIN: No, but your children may fly.
OPTERA HETRA: Yerh, we see!
(HETRA jumps up, wildly flapping his arms. He falls to the ground and VRESTIN runs to help him.)
VRESTIN: Be patient.
OPTERA HETRA: Without flight, how will the gods of light be kind to my people?
VRESTIN: Vortis is strong by thought. We will work together.
(PRAPILLUS walks past them and up to the DOCTOR.)
PRAPILLUS: If I had not lived 'til this time, I would have counted my life entirely wasted. Doctor, we owe you a great deal.
DOCTOR: There's only one, anything you owe me, my friend.
PRAPILLUS: And what is that?
DOCTOR: That is my ring, hmm?
PRAPILLUS: Your ring? Ah...
(PRAPILLUS laughs and takes off the ring passing it to the DOCTOR.)
PRAPILLUS: Your ring! On my life!
DOCTOR: Thank you, thank you!
(IAN wanders over to where the OPTERA are jumping around, getting used to life on the surface. IAN laughs.)
IAN: Well, they seem to be enjoying themselves up here.
VRESTIN: The light is good.
(HETRA jumps up to him.)
OPTERA HETRA: Light is good, huh!
(IAN laughs again.)
VRESTIN: Heron, will you come back to Vortis?
IAN: Oh, I doubt it, Vrestin. But, er, knowing the Doctor, you can never be sure.
(PRAPILLUS rushes up to VRESTIN.)
PRAPILLUS: Vrestin, have you mended the communicator?
(They walk off to discuss the matter. With a final laugh at the Optera, IAN walks over to the DOCTOR. He is stood outside the TARDIS. They have been stood all this while in the remains of the Carsenome control room.)
DOCTOR: Well, my boy? We've managed to come out of this not unscathed, hmm?
IAN: (Looking hard at the DOCTOR.) Yes, all except my old school tie!
DOCTOR: Hmm... Yes, it's quite a problem, isn't it? Hmm. (Teasing IAN.) It's something to do with...coal, wasn't it? Hmm?
IAN: Coal Hill School! An old Coal Hill School tie! Black with thin emerald green stripes on it.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, quite so. (Laughs.) Quite so, come on...
(He walks into the TARDIS. IAN goes to follow.)
IAN: Barbara, Vicki.
(He enters the ship. The two girls follow and watched by their allies and former enemies, the TARDIS dematerialises. HYLNIA runs forward followed by the others.)
HYLNIA: (In wonder.) It...it disappeared!
PRAPILLUS: Their deeds shall be sung in the Temples of Light! (He looks into the sky.) Pictos shall remind us of a time as it circles Vortis. Every time it points to the Needle of the Kings, (He points to a star constellation.) as it does now, then we shall weave songs to praise the gods of light and thank them, that they sent the Earth people to save us from the Animus. Now the Zarbi larvae feed the soil, the flower forests shall grow again across Vortis. But we must not allow the forest to conceal another lurking Animus. (To VRESTIN.) Welcome the main force.
(VRESTIN walks forward and activates the crystalline communicator.)
VRESTIN: Vortis to main force, Vortis to main force...
(VRESTIN twists the communicator again and a voice comes through.)
MENOPTRA VOICE: Main force to Vortis, main force to Vortis. Vrestin, where shall we land?
(The communicator is twisted again.)
VRESTIN: The dark power is dead. Fly in Menoptra to the delta of lights. We are wait-ing...
(The communicator is switched off and the Menoptra stand with their arms raised in welcome to their people...) | Plan: A: Vortis; Q: What planet is the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki on? A: the butterfly-like Menoptera; Q: Who are the original denizens of Vortis? A: the moon Pictos; Q: Where did the Menoptera flee to? A: its mind-controlled minions; Q: What is the Animus? A: the ant-like Zarbi; Q: Who are the Animus' minions? A: the larvae guns; Q: What are the Zarbi's living weapons? Summary: On the planet Vortis, the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki are swept up in the struggles of the butterfly-like Menoptera, the original denizens of Vortis who were forced to flee the planet for the moon Pictos to escape the encroaching web of the Animus and its mind-controlled minions, the ant-like Zarbi and their living weapons, the larvae guns. |
Ted from 2030: Kids, there are two big days in any love story: the day you meet the girl of your dreams, and the day you marry her.
[a little ways down the road...]
Outside a church
Ted: Nice! Where'd you get this?
Marshall: Stashed a cooler behind the pulpit. Beer be with you.
Ted: And also with you. Man, this is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed church.
Marshall: Yeah. You're welcome, God. Nervous?
Ted: What? No. I'm just hoping it doesn't rain. Why? Do I look nervous?
Marshall: Look at your beer, dude. You always do that when you're nervous.
[Present day]
The Bar
Barney; It's a sad day in New York, Ted. A sad day, indeed. Do you know what I saw on my way in here? A girl... In a sweater. And you know what that means. The season of exposed skin is over. Exactly. Gone are the tank tops, Ted. Gone are the cute little skirts. Gone are the sun dresses. The sun dresses, Ted! I don't think I can make it another eight months with no sun dresses.
Ted: Barney, I really... I have to grade these papers.
Barney: I'm sorry. I'll let you work. But first, a riddle: What piece of women's attire most stokes a man's desire?
Ted: A sun dress.
Barney: Correct. What lightweight outfit, pink or white, makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight?
Ted: I really have to get this done.
Barney: Of course, of course.
Ted: Thank you.
Barney: "Sun dress," by the way. Hey! What are you nervous about? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. What flowing cotton frock...
Ted: Okay, I'll tell you. Just... There's a... There's a girl sitting at the bar. Don't look!
Barney: I want to see a pretty girl.
Ted: Okay, you can look. Just-just-just be cool for once.
Barney: I'll be cool. Ah, Ted. You got your beer label in a bunch over nothing. Listen to your Uncle Barney. You have no reason to be nervous. None whatsoever. And I'm going to tell you why in one word.
Ted: And what's that word?
Barney: Dibs!
Ted: What... You can't call dibs on a girl I've been sitting here thinking about maybe talking to eventually at some point.
Barney: You never called dibs.
Ted: Dibs were implied.
Barney: Implied dibs?
Ted: Yeah.
Barney: Ted, you are spitting on the grave of Sir Walter Dibs, inventor of the dib. It was 1652... The SS Dibs was lost at sea...
Ted: Look, I don't have time for a fake history lesson, so I'll keep this simple. You go over there and talk to that girl, I will see you in court.
Barney: And who's gonna represent you? Dibs on Marshall as my lawyer!
Ted: Damn it!
Barney: Where is Marshall anyway?
Lily & Marshall's appartment / Marshall's office
Ted from 2030: Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily had recently decided to take a swing at starting a family. Tonight was their first at-bat.
Marshall: Okay, I'm almost ready to leave. Let's just go through the checklist. Candles?
Lily: Check.
Marshall: Music to set the mood?
Lily: Check.
Marshall: Music for when we're actually doing it?
Lily: Check.
The bar
Ted: You know what? To hell with your dibs. I'm going over there right now and talking to her.
Barney: Oh, yeah, yeah? Be my guest. Fall in love with her. Get married. Just know this: When I step up to make my toast as your best man...
Ted: Actually, Marshall would probably be...
Barney: As your best man...
(Barney is imagining Ted's wedding dinner)
Barney: Ladies and Gentlemen... I... had dibs.
Ted: No!
Barney: What?
Ted's wife: Tell me this isn't true.
Ted: I had implied dibs.
Ted's wife: (she slaps him in the face) You know, you've humiliated me! (turning towards Barney) I had no idea. You have to know that.
Barney: Shhh, shh. You're the victim here. We both are. Let's get out of here.
Ted's wife: Or, you know, we could just do it right here.
Barney: We could just do it right here.
Ted: Fine. Have at it. Exercise your dibs. She's got her shields up anyway. She's reading a book.
Barney: Yeah. At a bar. That book might as well be called, "Are You There, Barney? It's Me, Horny." That is not what "shields up" looks like. (He points to Robin who is entering the bar, with greasy hair and dirty clothes) That is what "shields up" looks like.
Robin: Move. God! (She come over Ted and Barney's table) Hey. 'Sup, dudes? Fries?
Barney: Oh, good God, woman. You're a disgrace.
Robin: No fries for this guy.
Barney: Robin, seriously, I love you, but it's like you have squiggly cartoon odor lines coming off of you right now.
Ted: You know what, Barney? Just cut her some slack, okay? She just went through a breakup.
Barney: With hygiene?
(Robin sits down)
Ted from 2030: No, with Don. A few months earlier...
[FASHBACK]
A few months earlier...
Ted: Here, have some tea.
Robin: Thanks.
Ted: Robin, I am here for you. Whatever you need.
Robin: Okay, about that. Ted, listen. I know myself pretty well. And, some time over the next few months, I'm going to want to sleep with you. And when that happens, you have to try to say no.
Ted: Try? I will absolutely say no. Our friendship is too important.
Robin: Okay, you know, maybe I wasn't clear enough. I will come at you with everything I've got. I will stalk you like the lioness stalks the gazelle: careful, patient, deadly. And if you let your guard down for so much as a second, as sure as you were born, I will hump your brains out.
two weeks later
Robin: Okay, I'm ready to have s*x now.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Ted: It was a tough summer, but I think our girl's been a real trooper. She's... Is this a Cheeto?
Robin: No, we ran out of Cheetos last week. Oh, yeah, it's a Cheeto. Dibs.
Barney: Oh, you're exquisite. You must let me paint you.
Ted: Hey Robin, what do you think? The girl sitting at the bar. Shields up?
Robin: Mmm, totes, toots. She's here on a date. She brought the book because she got here early, and she also wants to impress the guy she's meeting. Girls like to come across all classy and smart, you know? (She gets a giant hamburger out of a paper bag)
Barney: This? What you're doing right now? I'm getting a "de-rection."
(Lily & Marshall enters the bar)
Ted: Hey! How'd it go? You pregnant yet?
Marshall: Nope!
Lily: Okay, so, here's what happened. I was at home, waiting for Marshall.
[FLASHBACK]
Lily's & Marshall's appartment
Marshall: Hey! How was your day? Don't answer. No time. Bedroom. No, no. No time. Floor. No, no time. Against this wall!
Lily: Marshall, whoa! Wait. A big package just arrived.
Marshall: Yeah, it did.
Lily: No, no. It's a real package from your dad.
Marshall: Well, that's a little weird, but yeah, it is.
Lily: Marshall, look!
Marshall: A bassinet? Oh, my... He must've made it in his wood shop. Wasn't that sweet of him? Lil? Isn't that sweet? Lily?
Lily: You told your dad we're trying to have a baby?
Marshall: Of course I did. I tell my dad everything. My dad is my best friend.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Ted & Barney: Ohhh
Marshall: We have been looking forward to this magical, special night for two weeks now. And, sweetie, during that time, I have been... How do I put this delicately? Saving all my love for you.
Lily: I have read 11 books on conception. I have cut out alcohol, caffeine and sugar. I take my temperature every hour. But good for you for not playing with yourself.
Ted: I feel you, buddy.
Marshall: Ah, no! Don't even touch me, dude. It's been, like... It's been two weeks. I'm, like, a light breeze away from having a big problem. Seriously. (He looks at Robin, picking her teeth) Okay, I'm better now.
Ted: Okay, Barney. What's this going to cost me?
Barney: Excuse me?
Ted: Your dibs. I want to buy your dibs.
Barney: Two... hundred... and fifty thousand dollars.
Ted: 20 bucks.
Barney: But I... Can I go smell her first?
Ted: No. (He takes $20 out of his wallet)
Barney: Fine. (He takes the money)
Ted: All right. Wish me luck.
Ted from 2030: Now kids, remember how I told you about a girl named Cindy? [FLASHBACK - Cindy's appartment] How I went on one date with her and it ended...
Cindy: Get out.
Ted from 2030: badly? Well... [END OF FLASHACK]
The Girl who was reading: How are you? (to cindy)
Cindy: Good.
Barney: What the hell are you doing?
Ted: That girl she's talking to? I dated her.
Barney: Oh, that sucks! And dibs.
Robin: So you went on one date with one of her friends. It's not necessarily a big deal. I mean, did it end on bad terms?
[FLASHBACK]
(Ted runs into Cindy in the hall of the university)
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Robin: Well, I guess you just got to move on. I mean, it's not like you have a shot with Ready McGee over there, right? Ted?
Ted from 2030: Then I remembered. Cindy had a roommate. A roommate I only caught a glimpse of... But a roommate who, by every indication, was something very special. Was it possible? Could this be the girl attached to that ankle?
Ted: I got to see her ankles.
Robin: You're one of those? God, I swear, one in five guys...
[SCENE_BREAK]
At the other side of the bar
Marshall: Lily! We kind of had a plan tonight, remember? Candles? Banjo?
Lily: Who else did you tell? Did you tell anyone at the office?
[FLASHBACK]
Marshall: Shannon? Start the music...
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Marshall: I may have mentioned it in passing to a couple of colleagues at work. I'm sorry about that, but you know what? I got to be able to tell my dad.
Lily: Your dad is the last person you should tell! The man is too involved in our lives! It's like, every time the phone rings...
[FLASHBACK]
Lily: Hello.
Marshall's dad: Lily, Marvin Eriksen. I noticed you hadn't changed your last name yet.
Lilly: No, I'm gonna...
Marshall's dad: So, don't worry. I called the DMV, I called your Amex, I got that process started for you.
[later]
Lily: Hello.
Marshall's dad: Lily, Marvin Eriksen. I understand you and Marshall have been fighting. Well, let me tell you what works for me and the missus. Frilly French undies and a box of wine.
[later]
Lily: Hello.
Marshall's dad: You might want to try pickles on that sandwich.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Marshall: Pickles would have helped that sandwich!
Lily: The man has no boundaries. And I just can't procreate under these conditions!
Marshall: Yeah, well, you know what? I've already told him, so the damage is done.
Lily: So, call him and tell him we decided not to have a baby.
Marshall: Okay, so you just... You want me to give my dad a stroke?
Lily: Only if you want to give this a stroke.
Marshall: That's ridiculous. Lily, there is no way that I would ever... Okay, everyone needs to shut up so that I can think!
Back to the table with Barney, Robin & Ted
Robin: They're talking to a guy now.
Ted: What kind of guy? A cheesy guy or a cool guy?
Robin: Oh, a cheesy guy. Don't worry.
Ted: Oh, man! That guy is cool. His hair's all cool, he's got a cool belt.
Robin: Well, that guy is cheesy, and if you think he's not cheesy, then you're cheesy, too, and now I want something cheesy. Who's feeling nachos?
Barney: Oh, look at you, Robin. You're jealous.
Robin: Jealous?
Barney: Yeah, jealous, because she's got it, and you've lost it.
Robin: I have not lost it.
Barney: You lost it.
Robin: I still have it. I know exactly where it is, and I can go get it whenever I want.
Barney: Robin, girls are like cartons of milk. Each one has a hotness expiration date, and you've hit yours. I'm not saying the occasional guy won't still open the fridge, pick you up, give a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway But it's all downhill from here.
Robin: I don't have to take this. But I do have to take this.
Back to Lily & Marshall
Marshall: Okay, so you just want me to call my dad and tell him that we're not having a baby?
Lilly: That's about the size of it.
Marshall: Okay, out of curiosity,when do we tell him about the baby?
Lily: We'll tell him about the baby when there's a baby to tell him about.
Marshall: So, he just gets no notice? He just walks into his boss's office, and says, "I just had a grandson. I'm gonna be out for three months."
Lily: Out for three months?
Marshall: Yeah. He and my mom are coming to live with us when the baby's born. We talked about this.
Lily: No, we didn't.
Marshall: I meant, me and my dad.
Lily: You know what, Marshall? Why don't you have a baby with your dad?
Marshall: Oh, okay, Lily.Why don't you have a baby with your butt?
Lily: What?
Marshall: I can't think straight! Why do you have to wear that shirt? This is not how I thought this night was going to go!
Back to the table
Cindy: Ted?
Ted: Oh, God, this sucks! Do you think she saw me?
(Cindy walks over)
Cindy: Hi, Ted!
Barney: Yeah, she definitely saw you.
Cindy: Can I see you for a minute... in private?
Ted: Yeah. Yeah, sure. I mean, how could that not be fun? If I don't come back, tell my mom I love her.
Barney: Okay, will do. And dibs.
(Lily sits down at the table)
Lily: Barney, am I crazy? Marshall talks to his dad way too much, right?
Barney: Oh, you don't want my opinion on that.
Lily: Why not?
Barney: If I had my dad's number, I would never not be on the phone with him.
Lily: That was really...
Barney: Whoa, a hottie with a body! Boing...!
Lily: Brief.
Barney: No. Lily, look. (looking at Robin standing at the bar) You saucy little minx. You sundressed up.
(a man walks to her)
The man: Hi.
Robin: 14 seconds! 14 seconds, and already some dingdong is stepping up, thinking he can get some of this broke off. I... still... got... it. All right, buddy, you proved my point. Now scram. Nice belt, by the way.
Barney: Robin, you do look super hot.
Robin: Oh, do I?
Barney: Yeah, you do.
Robin: Thanks.
Camera on Ted & Cindy
Ted from 2030: I braced myself for what was next: rage, fury, a possible shanking.
(Cindy hugs him)
Cindy: Thank you, Ted. After things didn't work out with us, I got really sad for a while. But then I realized, you're not what I wanted, Ted, and I'm not what you wanted. I'm sorry I was such a jerk. I feel like I should make it up to you somehow. You know, buy you a beer or Yankees tickets, or...
Ted: Or set me up with one of your friends. No, I'm kidding. That would be weird.
Cindy: No, it wouldn't.
Ted: It wouldn't, would it? Any one of those three. Whichever's easiest and right nearby. And not the beer.
Cindy: I should get back.
Ted: Totally.
Cindy: Come say good-bye before you leave.
Robin: Say good-bye before you leave?
Ted: Her words exactly.
Barney: Dude, you are so in. That is so awesome. A high five doesn't even cut it. High six!
Ted: She didn't see us high-six, did she?
Barney: No. Good. That was pretty lame.
Ted: Yeah, let's never do that again.
In the street
Lily: Marshall?
Marshall: What? Lily, what? Are there more members of my family that you want to crap all over?
Lily: Here's the thing.
(Marshall's phone rings)
Marshall: I'm sorry. Hold on. Just... It's my dad. Lily, it's my dad, okay? I love him, and if he calls me, I'm gonna answer the phone! Hey, Dad.
Marvin: Hey, hey. I know it's late, but I just had to call. How'd it go?
Marshall: Dad, this is...
Marvin: Did you do everything the books say? Did you put the pillow under her back?
Marshall: Dad, I'm in the middle of something right now.
Marvin: Did it feel like a boy? You can tell.
Marshall: He's insane. My dad is insane. I'm so sorry, Lily. He's just... He's so... enthusiastic. It's ridiculous, you know? Like, who's like that?
Lily: You. You're like that. You and your dad both care so much. It's... it's why women fall in love with the Eriksen men to begin with. But right now, it's a lot of pressure.
Marshall: Baby, I'm not trying to pressure you one bit.
Lily: What if I can't have a baby? That could happen. I could totally let you down. Has that thought not occurred to you?
Marshall: Not even for one second. Not having a baby would suck, but the idea of you letting me down... that's impossible. That would be like aliens landing. That's a bad example, because that could happen. It probably already has. I saw this, episode... All right.
Ted: I'm doing this. I am going over there. Wish me luck.
Ted from 2030: Kids, nothing in this life quite compares to the sweet, terrifying exhilaration of making your move. When you just put it all on the line and go for it. And that night, by golly, Cindy went for it. So no, kids, that girl wasn't your mother. She ended up being someone else's mother. In fact, they both did.
Robin: Like I said, she's here on a date.
Ted from 2030: So that was not the day I met your mother. The day I met your mother was the day of a wedding.
Back to the church
Ted: Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous.
Marshall: Dude, it's just a wedding toast.
Ted: I know. I just... I want it to be great, you know? I want this whole day to be great.
Marshall: It will be.
Lily: Best man? You're being summoned.
Ted: Geez, what now?
Marshall: Ted, seriously, relax. Everything's... Okay, and it's raining.
Ted: Yeah. You were saying?
Marshall: You didn't happen to bring an umbrella, did you?
Ted: No. I didn't bring an umbrella.
Marshall: I mean, everyone told us that it might take a while, but... We thought we might be the exception to the rule. Anyways, we're getting back on that horse. I mean, feeling good about the future. Obviously, this goes without saying, but you won't tell Lily about any of this, right?
Ted: No! Of course! Absolutely! | Plan: A: Ted; Q: Who realizes that Cindy is the roommate of his future wife? A: Barney; Q: Who does Ted argue with about who has "dibs" on a hot girl? A: Robin; Q: Who is heartbroken over Don? A: Marshall; Q: Who can't keep quiet about his desire to start a family? Summary: When Ted and Barney argue about who has "dibs" on a hot girl, Ted realizes that she is there with Cindy, a girl he previously dated who is also the roommate of his future wife. Meanwhile, Robin is heartbroken over Don, and Marshall can't keep quiet about his desire to start a family. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Ty: Do you love her?
Wade: I love your mother very much. Okay. Go back to Vancouver then... tell her I won't stand in your way anymore.
Georgie: You know the Sadie Hawkins Dance? Well, are-are you going?
Stephen: I don't know. Maybe.
Georgie: So I was wondering um... If you wanted to go with me?
Stephen: Yes! I told Caleb I burned his cheque, and he gave me this to make sure that my money's safe in case the whole thing with Jesse goes up in his face.
Amy: What? Oh my...
(Money bundles clatter)
What is your plan? What're you gonna do with all this?
(Birds chirp, hooves thud)
Georgie: Okay, so you wanna push with your leg and guide with the reins.
Jade: You mean like this?
Georgie: Yeah. That's good.
Jade: Yeah, my mom's been paying for private lessons.
The post divorce generosity continues.
Georgie: Well, you're getting really good.
Jade: Yeah, well, good's not good enough. I need to be great.
Georgie: Why?
Jade: Because all the guys in my school are like serious cowboys. They're only into horsy girls. Like this guy in my homeroom, Matt Smith. Of course he doesn't even know I'm alive.
Georgie: Okay, well, you should take riding lessons because you love them, not because you wanna impress some guy. Yeah, well, I bet you'll wanna impress Stephen at the dance. You probably even bought a new dress and everything. Actually, I haven't thought one bit about that. Well, you better start. It's a Sadie Hawkins Dance, not a hoedown. Baggy jeans and a plaid shirt just aren't gonna cut it.
Georgie: (Sighs heavily)
Amy: So Lou wants us to pick the type of paper, the font, and if we want it embossed or debossed.
Ty: Debossed? Is that even a word?
Lisa: Yeah, yeah. Yup. Embossed is when the pattern is raised against the background, and debossed is when it's... Sunk into the back of the paper.
Amy: Oh.
Ty: Oh... Uh, thanks, Lisa.
Lisa: Anytime. You know what, Amy? I'm... I'm really... I'm good either way, so you pick the one you like. Don't you make me decide, please? Okay, well, why don't we go with something simple then?
Amy: Okay. Like this one.
Ty: Yeah, that one works for me.
Amy: Okay, me too.
Ty: Done.
Lisa: don't you wanna sort of think about it and give it a little more time? I mean, the invitation sets the tone for the entire wedding. (Inhales deeply) It's important.
Amy: I'm good if you're good.
Ty: Yeah, I'm-I'm good with this. Well, if you're good then... You're good. Good.
Amy: Hi, grandpa.
Jack: Good morning. Hey, I've got some mail here for you guys. Looks like the "save the date" you sent to Lily and Wade says "return to sender."
Casey: A little help here?
Tim: Hmm?
Casey: (Chuckles) A little help? Hey, are you okay?
Tim: Yeah. I ju-I just can't stop thinking about that kid that was injured at the pincher creek rodeo. You know, the way that horse was dragging him around, he's gonna be in the hospital for weeks. Well, that's the risk these guys take, right?
Tim: Well, risk is one thing. That kid had no business being in that ring. They just... they need to learn the basics. Ungh! (Bag thuds) Like spurring. (Door bangs shut) You know... Measuring your rein. I-I-I don't know... I'm just so tired of seeing them almost kill themselves out there.
Casey: Well, maybe they should be mentored by a real cowboy with real rodeo experience.
Tim: Yeah. Somebody like that.
(Jug thumps)
Casey: Somebody like you... maybe?
Well... I don't know... I don't know about that. Come on, I'm serious. You spent your half your life out on that circuit. You almost lost the other half in a bulldogging wreck. You have a lot to teach these guys. Yeah, I tried teaching once... little kids. Uh... sheep, and the parents, and the... I don't have the patience. Well, I have a lot of connections at the high school rodeo association. One phone call, I could get you some students. Just think about it. You have a lot to offer.
(Sighs, clucks her tongue)
(Sample boards thump)
Jack: I know what you're up to.
Lisa: What?
You are like a... a wedding planning lioness ready to pounce. No. No. That's not true. I-I promised I wouldn't get involved unless Amy asked me to, and I am keeping my promise.
Jack: Good.
Lisa: So I'm sitting here, quietly, while she struggles with every little detail... details that I could easily handle... but no, no, I am... being quiet... for you. My mom's cell is no longer in service. Same with her land line. I got a bad feeling about this Amy.
Amy: Okay, okay, yup. No. I appreciate the information. Thank you. (Phone beeps off) Well, that was Paladin Transport in Vancouver. Your stepdad's still working for them, but not there. He's back in Hudson.
(Truck rumbles to a halt)
Amy: You okay?
Ty: (Shaky sigh)
Yeah. Let's go. (Doors open)
(Doors bang shut, tools buzz and whir)
Hey, Ty, look, I-I was gonna call you.
Ty: Where is she?
Wade: Is that any way to say hello to your old stepdad? Where is she, Wade? Your mom, she's fine. That's not what I asked. She's safe. That's all you need to know.
(Struggling grunts)
Amy: Ty, don't!
Ty: Tell me where she is!
Here we go again, huh? Ungh! You better start talking right now! She doesn't want you to know... Know what?! She's been drinking again. She's in rehab.
S08E13
♪ And at the break of day you sank into your dream ♪ ♪ You dreamer ♪ oh, oh, oh...
♪ You dreamer... ♪ You dreamer...
Ty: (Sighs heavily)
Amy: I'm sorry, Ty. If I find out he had anything to do with my mom drinking again... I'll kill him. (Opens door) I'll be right back.
Ty: Where are you going?
Amy: Trust me.
Ty: Hey! (Door bangs shut) (On phone) Gonna test her out today. Yup. Okay. Bye, bye.
(Tools buzz and whir)
Ty's cooling off in the truck. I knew he was gonna blame me for this. What happened, Wade? She was doing really well, right? But I guess uh... old wounds, they got a way of opening up again. It's like one day she swam out into the middle of the ocean and couldn't find her way back. Checked her into the best rehab on the west coast... at least that's what the brochure said. And uh... well, they don't allow visitors right away, so I-I thought I'd come up here, make a little extra money. Everything you just told me, you should've told Ty. Lily didn't wanna burden him with it. Neither did I. He has a hard time trusting you. Secrets are only gonna make it worse. Yeah. Yeah.
(Sighs heavily)
We tried to send you this, it got sent back. It did? It's the "save the date" to our wedding. Finally decided to say yes, huh? Yeah, I did.
Wade: Congratulations.
Amy: Thank you.
(Truck rumbles to a halt)
(Rain patters)
Hey, Ty, I understand why you're upset, I do. Wade should've told you about your mom. But... the way I see it, you both want the same thing. For-for Lily to be better.
Ty: Half the things that come out of Wade's mouth are pure fiction, Amy, so... I don't know, I just... It seemed like he was hurting.
Ty: (Amused chuckle) Well... Maybe some human part of him feels bad for pushing my mom to the edge. Again. Or maybe it was just an act. He's really good at that. No. It... it didn't seem like an act to me. Amy, honestly, I don't wanna get you mixed up in this, okay?
Amy: Okay.
Ty: Thank you.
(Door opens)
He's at the Hudson Motor Motel. Room 103. Just thought you should know.
(Door bangs shut)
(Rain patters)
(Truck rumbles away)
Lisa: 'Kay.
Tim: Lisa!
Amy: Wow!
Tim: Wow, you have really outdone yourself!
Lisa: Oh no, no, it's nothing.
It's just uh... A medium rare beef tenderloin and some fingerling potatoes, Swiss chard, some grilled zucchini and a nice caramelized onion puree, and then a... red wine jus around, so.
Jade: Do you guys eat like this everyday?
Lisa: No. No, actually, I found this really wonderful website that has wedding meals on it and they had the recipes. I don't know, we'll give it a shot and see what... you think... do you um... Have you thought at all about... what you wanna serve to everybody at the wedding?
Amy: No. Um... I haven't even picked a venue yet.
Tim: Best wedding I was ever at, they served beef on a bun.
Amy: That's a good idea.
Lisa: (Spits her wine) So-I'm sorry.
Jack: (Chuckles)
Lisa: Excuse me.
Jack: Are you okay?
Lisa: Yes, thank you.
Tim: So I have some news. I have decided that it's time for me to give back to the rodeo world, and I thought what better way to do that than to mentor the young champions of tomorrow. So I'm starting a rodeo school right here in Hudson. Jack, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, you shouldn't be mentoring anybody on anything, but, you know, I really believe that I actually have something to give these kids. I agree.
Tim: You do?
Jack: The best and worst part of your life was rodeo. They need to see it from both sides without the sugar coating. You're the guy to do that. I support this. Thanks, buddy. That means a lot.
Jack: Plus, those kids are gonna eat you alive and I definitely support that. There it is... Thank you.
Amy: If you need a hand, let me know. Well, thanks, honey, but Caleb and Casey are gonna help me.
Amy: Caleb, huh? How did you manage that one?
Tim: Well, he's not gonna do it for free, but I really need him because I've already got two young guys signed up for bronc lessons tomorrow, so. The one kid is a... Matt Smith. He's... he's got some potential. Matt Smith? Yeah, he's in my class. I hear he's a really good bronc rider.
Tim: He's a rank amateur, but... By the time I'm done with him, he might win a couple buckles. It's not beef on a bun.
Amy: Hey, what's going on up here?
Georgie: Well, I need a vintage country dress for the Sadie Hawkins Dance at my school. I thought there must be something here in the attic. Do you want a hand? Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. Okay.
(Sighs)
(Items rustle)
(Tissue paper crinkles)
(Paper crinkles)
Whoa! Whose dress is that? It was my mom's wedding dress. I've seen her in it in photos. I didn't know it was up here. Wow.
(Truck rumbles to a halt)
(Train passes in the distance, door opens)
(Door bangs shut)
(Traffic rumbles by)
(Banging on door)
Hank: Can I help you?
No. I'm just... I'm just looking for somebody. Well, I work at the front desk, if you want to leave a message.
Ty: That's okay. I'll just... come back tomorrow evening. Well, if you are looking for the guy in room 103, don't bother. He's usually out all night and doesn't come back until the morning. (Sighs heavily) Thanks.
(Truck door opens)
Tim: All right. The first thing you gotta do is ask yourself why you're here.
Are you here because you wanna ride a bronc or say you rode a bronc, or are you here to impress a girl? Or are you here to be bronc riding champions? Because if you are, I can guarantee that you're gonna be in... for a world of pain. You're gonna spend more time in the dirt than you are on a horse. And just when you think that you can't take it anymore, you're gonna find out that you're just getting started.
Jade: Sorry I'm late, Mr. Fleming.
(Gate clangs closed)
I hope I didn't miss anything too important. Hey.
Matt: What's up?
Tim: Jade, what're you doing here?
Jade: This is rodeo school, right?
Tim: Yup. Yeah, these boys are in training, so no spectators. Well, I'm not here to watch. I'm here to learn how to ride a bronc.
Tim: This rodeo school. 'Kay, we're not messing around here. What, you don't think a girl can ride a bronc? I didn't... I didn't say that. That's not very progressive of you, Mr. Fleming.
Tim: Okay.
Wade: Come to finish the job? I came to see you last night. Guy at the front desk said you go out every night and you don't come back until morning.
Wade: So?
Ty: So? When I was kid, you would stay out all night, then come home looking like something the cat dragged in.
Wade: Come on.
Ty: Sort of the way you look now. Mom would always ask where you were, but she already knew the answer. You were out gambling and spending the last of her hard-earned paycheque on cheap beer. Why is it every time you and I run into each other you gotta bring up ancient history? Well, it seems like history's repeating itself. Mom's back in rehab, isn't she? You have no idea what you're talking about.
Ty: Really?
Wade: Really.
Ty: Oh.
Wade: This has been a real treat. Yeah. Thanks for stopping by. I'd love to stay and chat, I got a shift at Paladin.
Ty: You're the reason she started drinking in the first place! You know that? She couldn't stand you watch and ruin everything, and now you're doing it again!
(Door slams shut, keys clank)
Tim: So, gentlemen... and ladies, let me introduce you to "the mighty bronc."
A bucking machine? You serious? I thought we were here to ride a real bronc. You are, but you're not ready yet.
Matt: Riley and I have both ridden on broncs before. No, you and Riley have both sat on a bronc until it bucked you off. I know you think you're hotshots, but you got a lot to learn. That's why you're here, right? Caleb, nice of you to join us.
Caleb: Sorry, had a few things to take care of. Yeah, I'll dock it off your pay. All right, Riley, you're up.
(Bucking machine clanks and thumps)
Tim: Okay, get your toes out...
When you're spur... toes out when you spur forward, okay? Harder! (Claps hands) Faster, Caleb, come on.
(Caleb grunts, bucking machine thumps)
Tim: Stop flopping around like a fish out of water.
Okay, okay, okay. Hold, hold that's-that's good. Matt.
(Matt and Caleb grunt, bucking machine thumps)
Tim: Okay, you're never gonna get a good spurring motion like that, Matt.
Are-are you on a bronc or a sheep right now? Move-move your feet faster. Kick! You gotta have quick feet. Quick feet!
(Bucking machine clanks, Caleb grunts with effort)
Okay, okay, that's enough. That's good. Jade.
Caleb: (Panting) You want a leg up?
Tim: Caleb, what're you doing? No, hold it. She can get up on her own like everybody else.
Matt and Riley: (Snicker)
Tim: Quick feet.
Tim: What is so funny? Is something funny? I didn't think anything was funny.
(Bucking machine thumps)
Tim: Let's see what you got.
That's good. Tuck your chin in! Stay focused at the front. Keep your toes out. Keep your toes out! Faster, Caleb, come on! Come on. Toes out! 'Kay, toes... out!
(Bucking machine thumps)
Tim: That's it, that's it. That's it!
She's not half bad. She's as good as you two.
(Bucking machine clanks)
Tim: Toes out!
(Birds chirp outside, approaching footsteps)
Lisa: Oh... wow. So many beautiful ones.
How are you ever gonna make a decision?
Amy: I don't know. Lou is way better at this than me. When she gets back, I'll just ask her to pick the flowers she likes.
Lisa: Wha-wait! What she likes? No, this is your wedding day. I mean... It's a very personal choice and you sort of have to make sure that it matches your personal colour scheme.
Amy: I don't have a colour scheme.
Lisa: Oh... well, that might be something you wanna... start thinking about.
Jack: (Clears his throat)
Lisa: But you know... Lou has impeccable taste and I'm sure she will pick just the right flowers for you.
Amy: Okay, well, I better get to work. Bye, grandpa. Have a good day.
(Door opens and closes)
This is ridiculous. I'm trying so hard to honour this promise that I made to you but, Jack, the circumstances have changed. Lou's not here, Amy seems to not be able to make a decision to save her life and... Honestly, I think she's being kinda complacent about the whole thing. I'm telling you, things have to be planned in proper order. Otherwise, she'll have a meltdown on her wedding day. Well, you might be right. Really? I think Amy misses Lou, especially when it comes to all this wedding stuff. Maybe she could use your help. But I only have one request. Yes. Anything. Please... talk to her before you start taking over everything. I will ask her and if she says no, then fine, at least I-I tried. So...
Tim: All right, we're gonna give "the mighty bronc" a rest. We're gonna move on to step two. You guys are gonna come out of the chute on this nice, gentle saddle horse, but I want you to pretend it's a real bronc, okay? When you're ride out in the arena, I want you to practice your spurring. And after eight seconds, Caleb's gonna swing by and practice the pick up. You ready, Riley? Okay, Todd.
(Chute gate clangs open)
(Horse grunts)
Tim: Okay, feet forward.
Hold your feet. Get your feet out front. Pull up on your reins. See, you're losing your balance in the saddle. You gotta tighten up. Toes out, buddy. Come on, is that the best you can do? Put him out of his misery.
(Horses grunt)
This rodeo school's pretty lame. It's like Tim thinks we've never been on a horse before. Yeah, it's like... worse than gym class. Hey, listen. Um... Riley and I are gonna go see if there's um... a party somewhere that we can crash tonight. You down to come? Sure. That'd be great. Okay. Why don't we meet at... Maggie's. Say around nine o'clock. Yeah, I'll be there.
Caleb: You know, the guys are getting pretty discouraged. Maybe you could ease up a bit. (Horse grunts) Whoa. This is supposed to be fun, after all.
Tim: Fun?! What do you-what is this? A carnival ride? I'm trying to teach these guys something. Can we at least call it a day? Never mind them, I'm exhausted.
Tim: Oh... are ya? Okay, that's it, everybody. Go home. Get a good night's sleep 'cause it's gonna be a lot tougher tomorrow!
Matt: (Mutters) Let's go.
Caleb: If you keep yelling at them, they're never gonna listen to you. I'm not trying to be hard on them. I'm trying to get them to take this seriously because bronc riding can be life or death. You of all people should know that. They don't seem to know that. Yeah, and they will get it, eventually. But you gotta get them on your side. Tomorrow, why don't we bring in a practice bronc. I'm not saying that they're ready to ride yet, but I could give them a demonstration. It'll be something to aspire to. And you can show off, you can show off. That's what you wanna do. Okay. Never mind. Okay. We'll do the demonstration.
Caleb: Yeah?
Tim: Yeah.
Caleb: Yes, we will.
Tim: Okay. So I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks for today. And don't... be late.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Motel door opens and bangs shut)
(Keys jingle as Wade walks to his car)
Amy: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Ty: I gotta find out where he's going at night.
(Door bangs shut, engine starts)
(Vehicle pulls out)
(Vehicle accelerates away)
(Truck engine starts)
(Crickets chirp outside)
(Footsteps creak coming up the stairs)
Georgie: What do you think?
Jack: Well, for a second there, I...
Thought I saw Lyndy standing right here in this room. That was her dress.
Georgie: Oh, Jack, I'm-I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I can wear something else.
Jack: Well, now, why would you do that? You look beautiful.
(Footsteps on the stairs)
You're gonna be the belle of the ball.
Lisa: Here you two are. Dinner's almost ready.
Lisa: Wow.
Georgie: Do you like it?
Lisa: What a lovely dress. Where did you find that?
Georgie: Uh, just in one of the storage trunks.
Lisa: Well, it couldn't be more perfect. Look at that. Maybe just shorten these a little bit, hey? Uh... how are you feeling?
Georgie: Uh, fine. Why? Because I see a rash on your neck... and you... I think you have a bit of a temperature.
Georgie: What?
(Truck rumbles)
Matt: Hey, Jade.
(Door opens) Hop in.
Jade: Hey.
Matt: Hey. You ready?
Jade: Yeah. Where's Riley?
Matt: Um, he's not coming. I figured why not keep it to just the two of us tonight.
Jade: Cool. Where's the party? I uh... couldn't find a good one, so what do you say you and I head on over to the old, uh, rock quarry?
Jade: The rock quarry? Isn't that where people go to, you know, make out and stuff?
Matt: (Snorts) I don't know, is it? I mean, that wouldn't be such a bad thing if it was, right? Maybe we can go to a movie instead. You, uh, don't wanna hang out with me? No, I-I do. Just not at the quarry. I thought when you, uh, showed up at rodeo school, it meant you liked me. Well, maybe I just wanted to learn how to ride a bronc.
Matt: (Snickers) Why is that funny?
Matt: Hey, come on, Jade. I mean... We both know you're never getting on a bronc. I've been to dozens of rodeos. I've never seen a girl compete.
Jade: Right, 'cause all we're good for is going to the quarry.
Matt: All right, look, is this... Is this happening or not? Not. (Opens door)
(Door bangs shut) Matt: Hey! You know what your problem is, Jade? You're a tease. No wonder everyone at school thinks you're a big joke.
(Engine starts, truck rumbles away)
(Vehicle rumbles to a halt)
Amy: Ty, just pull over. You don't want him to see us.
(Engines cut out)
(Door bangs shut)
Man: Go inside, if you want.
Ty: Stay here. I'll be right back.
I'm coming with you. No, Amy, it's too dangerous. So you're gonna leave me alone in the truck? Here? Let's go. (Doors open)
(Door s bang shut)
(Footsteps crunch)
Tim: Jade?
Jade: Hey, Tim.
Are you crying? No... (Sniffs) You okay? Oh, fine. Never better. (Sniffs) Best night of my life.
(Crying)
Why don't we go in and have a coffee and we'll talk about this. Okay. Come on.
(Lights hum)
(Mop slides)
Wade: Hey, guys.
(Water splashes)
Yeah, I saw you. (Water drains) You were right behind me when I left the motel.
Ty: I needed to know where you were going at night.
Wade: Well, you caught me. I break into buildings and mop the floors. (Wet mop slaps the floor Call the cops. Why didn't you just tell me that? I don't spend a lot of time bragging about my foray into the exciting world of janitorial services.
Ty: You already have a job. What's this really about?
Wade: Lily's rehab is expensive. I work here to make a little extra cash. Wade, I'm... I'm sorry that we followed you here. Security guard's gonna be making his rounds in a few minutes. You might wanna... leave before then. Come on, Ty, let's go.
(Receding footsteps)
(Wade sucks his teeth)
(Wet mop slaps the floor)
Tim: Some boys, at the age of 17, can be real idiots.
Trust me, I'm speaking from personal experience. Matt Smith has a lot to learn about women.
Jade: Well, he thinks the only reason I signed up for bronc school was... (Sniffs) to get his attention. Was it? Well, maybe at first, but... Then I really got into it. And-and Caleb even said I was pretty good on the bucking machine. You definitely held your own. I know I'm no Kaila Mussell or anything, but... I thought I deserved to be there as much as the boys. You know who Kaila Mussell is?
Jade: Yeah, she's a professional bronc rider. She's been kicking butt on the circuit for years. I did my research before I signed up. I'm not stupid.
Tim: Obviously.
Jade: (Sighs) You know... It doesn't matter because I'm just gonna quit anyway. So you're gonna let Matt win? Well, I can't face him now. That doesn't sound like the Jade I know. The Jade I know would stand up for herself, demand their respect. She'd finish what she started. The Jade I know would show those guys what she's made of.
(Diners chatter)
(Birds chirp)
(Pacing footsteps)
Jack: don't worry, Lou, Dr. Virani said she's gonna be just fine.
Yeah, well, when it comes to chicken pox there's nothing much you can do but ride it out.
Lisa: don't scratch. It'll leave a scar, honey.
Jack: Yeah, okay, I'll let her know. Okay, talk to you soon. Bye. Well, Lou says you can call her or Peter at any time, and they love you. Right now, I guess you better get a hold of Stephen and let him know you won't be coming to the dance. (Sighs heavily) Worst day of my life.
(Dialing beeps)
(Vehicle rumbles)
(Door clicks open, engine cuts out)
Ty: Following you was a...
It was a lousy thing to do, Wade.
Wade: Yup. Yeah, it was.
Ty: Why didn't you tell me my mom was going back into rehab? (Door bangs shut) Lily was a little embarrassed about that. She wanted me to keep it quiet. And it wasn't just that. I guess I figured that uh... You'd just blame me... no matter what I said you wouldn't listen to me, all right? And it turns out I was right about that. Well, I'm listening now. I wanna know what happened. It wasn't just one thing. I guess it all started when Lily got laid off from work and... She couldn't find another job. She got pretty depressed about that. She hid the drinking from me for a long time, but... I started hearing it in her voice. Like uh... she wasn't slurring her words or anything, just... she just sounded a little too bright... Louder, you know? Yeah... I heard it too. I was... talking to her on the phone and I heard it. I should've done something. I-I-I... What could you have done, Ty? Your mom's a grown woman. She's the only one who can get herself out of this. I-I-I got her in the best rehab I could find. The rest... is up to her. Well, I wanna help you pay for her rehab.
Wade: No, no, no way.
Ty: Yeah, you're working two jobs. I can help.
Wade: No. She's my mother. She's my wife. I gotta go get ready for a shift. Hey, I'm gonna... I'm gonna go see her in a couple days. I'll let you know how she's doing.
(Keys jingle)
See you, Ty.
(Unlocks door, door bangs shut)
Lisa: We need to talk.
Amy: Okay. What's up?
Lisa: Well, about your wedding.
I'm getting a little worried that things aren't being handled in a timely fashion. For example, the venue. You haven't booked it yet and it's really one of those things you... first check off your list, you know?
Amy: Yeah, well, Lou and I are working on it. But Lou's not even here and... I feel like you're not really on top of things. Yes, I am. Oh! Oh, good. Well, then, did you... did you pick some flowers or-or-or tour some venues?
Amy: No, not yet, but...
Lisa: But see, you're kinda running out of time, honey, and I'm-I tell you this because, you know, once you get behind, it's almost impossible to get back on top. Let me help you. I can take care of the flowers.
Amy: No, Lisa, I really don't... Just give me a couple-just a colour.
Amy: Lisa! Can you just...
Lisa: Like purple or yellow. Please stop, okay? I'm sorry, but stop butting in. You're making way too big a deal of this. Well... it is a big deal. It's-it's your wedding. Yeah, my wedding.
Tim: Okay, gang, this is Tequila hangover. Caleb's gonna be riding him. He's a tame bucking horse. I want you to watch closely. When Caleb comes out of the chute and rides out there, watch how he spurs, and-and how he's in time with the horse, okay?
(Horse whinnies)
Casey will record all this and then we'll play it back afterward. Caleb, you ready?
(Gate clanks open, horse grunts)
(High-pitched whinny, hooves thunder)
(Horse grunts and whinnies, bucks wildly)
Riley: Whoa, look at him go!
Matt: Aw, man, check it out!
(Horse kicks and bucks wildly)
Tim: Okay. Not bad. Not great.
Caleb: I think I'll take that as a compliment.
Casey: Wanna see it back?
Caleb: Yeah.
Casey: Here it is.
Tim: All right.
Okay, you see how he stays back... And lifts his rein? That gives him a good spurring motion so it can stay in time with the horse's bucking. Okay, back-back it up again.
Casey: Yup.
Tim: Now-(Gate clangs open)
(Horse whinnies)
Tim: What the hell?! Jade!
Jade: Agh! Ungh!
(Jade grunts, horse whinnies)
(Thunderous bucking and kicking)
Ungh!
Tim: Jade! Jade? Jade.
(Horse whinnies nearby)
Beat that, boys. Jade. What do you think you were doing, huh? Do realize how dangerous that was? The whole reason that I started this rodeo school was to teach kids to ride safe, and you did the exact opposite of that. You told me to show those guys what I'm made of. Not like that! I had to, Tim! I'm not just some buckle bunny Matt Smith can take to the quarry. No, you're not. You didn't have to ride that bronc to prove that. Yes, I did. Now every time Matt Corners some girl in his truck, he's gonna think of me flying out of that chute and kicking his butt. You got some serious guts, I'll give you that. Now, I've got two granddaughters and when I think about all the Matts that they're gonna run into in their lives, makes me crazy. I just hope that they deal with them with as much strength as you did today. But you broke the rules. I'm out, aren't I? Pack up your stuff.
Amy: And Lisa just kept pushing me about the wedding, so... I kinda told her to butt out. Well, that doesn't sound like you. I know, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. So why did you say no? Because... I already have Lou breathing down my neck. The last thing we need is another wedding planner in the mix.
Ty: Okay... Amy, Lou's not here and we're both pretty busy, so... doesn't Lisa helping out sound like a good idea to you?
Amy: (Sighs heavily)
Ty: Unless you don't want help.
Amy: No, I... I do. Okay. What's the problem then?
Matt: Hey, Jade. Wait up. Jade! Hey, just... hear me out, okay? Look, what you did on that bronc back there... It was pretty cool. I didn't think you had it in you. Now you know. Sucks you got kicked out. All right, look. I'm uh... I'm sorry about last night. I was... I was being a jerk. Yeah, you were. All right, well, sorry.
(Birds chirp, steers bellow in the distance)
(Tools buzz and whir, men chatter)
Wade: Yeah, you can go ahead and work on that.
Man: Mm-hmm.
Hey, Wade? What's this?
Ty: Amy and I talked about it. We wanna help you pay for my mom's rehab.
Wade: Oh, man, Ty, I told you. I don't want it.
Ty: I know, Wade, but you can't work two jobs forever. You're gonna burn out. Let us help.
(Men chatter)
Aren't you afraid I'm gonna... just take the money and run? No. I trust you. I appreciate it. You should come down and visit your mom when she's feeling up to it. Yeah, I will. I'm gonna make sure she gets better, Ty. With any luck, she'll be better, we'll make it up to the wedding and we'll be sitting right there in the front row. Thanks.
(Shake hands)
(Receding footsteps)
You have a visitor.
Georgie: Oh!
Stephen: Hey, Georgie.
Georgie: Stephen... hi!
Jack: So... I'll just be in the kitchen, if you need me.
Georgie: Uh, don't get too close. I'm contagious. I already had chicken pox, so I'm not worried. Oh. Okay. So um... are you looking forward to the dance? I don't think I'll be going. How come? If you're not going, neither am I. So if you're not busy, maybe we can hang out. Uh, yeah, yeah. Sure, okay. So what do you feel like doing? Uh... anything. Just talk to me. Anything to distract me from how itchy I am. When I had chicken pox, my mom made me wear a pair of oven mitts. Did it work? Oh no. I still scratched.
(Laughing)
Lisa: Hey.
Amy: Hey.
Lisa: Can I come in?
Amy: Yeah.
(Photograph thumps lightly)
I'm really sorry about before. Don't, Amy, worry about it for a second. That's a really beautiful dress.
Amy: It was my mom's. (Sighs) Mrs. Bell made it.
Lisa: Really?
Amy: Yeah. (Chuckles) (Sighs) I found it in the attic the other day. When I was a little girl, I always used to imagine what my wedding would be like. I even told my mom that... I was gonna ride sugarfoot down the aisle.
Lisa: (Laughing)
Amy: He was my favorite pony back then. I guess I just thought that... when it came time for my real wedding, my mom would be here... to help me make all the big decisions.
(Sighs heavily, clasps Amy's hand)
Nobody can replace your mom, of course, and I wouldn't even dream of trying. I just wanna make it easier for you, Amy. If there's anything I can do, I wanna do that. And if it means butting out, I promise I can do that too. Yellow. Yellow... what? You asked me what colour I liked for the wedding bouquet. I pick yellow.
Lisa: Okay. So then I'll... Go to the flower shop and look for yellow bouquets for you. (Chuckles) Okay... Aw...
Amy: Okay.
Lisa: Okay.
Amy: (Sniffs) Maybe some blue ones too. Yeah? Yellow and blue. I'm on it.
(Sighs)
Tim: That's good, Matt.
You're sitting back, pulling on the rein.
(Bucking machine thumps, Matt grunts)
Looks like you might actually be capable of learning something after all, huh? Who knew?
Casey: How's it going?
Tim: So far so good.
(Matt grunts, bucking machine thumps)
Tim: I feel bad about kicking Jade out of the class.
Casey: I know, but what she did was crazy.
You did the right thing.
Tim: That girl though, she is fearless, and that is not a bad quality to have as a bronc rider. I think I'm gonna her a place in the next class, if she's really serious about it.
Casey: I think that's a good idea. It might be a bit crowded though. I just had three parents call me wanting to get their kids signed up. That means word's getting out. Congratulations.
Tim: Thanks. Well, I owe it all to you.
Casey: (Laughs) I didn't do anything.
Tim: You did. Come on, you're the one that convinced me that I could do this. I wouldn't have even tried if it wasn't for you. Thanks. (Kiss) ♪ I wanna love you so long that your tastes change ♪
(Door bangs shut) Ty: Hey.
Amy: What do you think?
Ty: Oh, yeah, those are nice.
Amy: They're a sample from the flower store. Lisa picked them out. You were right. I think she's gonna be a big help.
Amy and Ty: (Happy sighs)
Amy: Will you come somewhere with me? ♪ Well, how 'bout the good days? ♪
(Hooves thunder)
♪ How 'bout the bad? ♪ In with the laughter Amy: Whoa... ♪ Out with the sadness ♪ How long will I love you? ♪ How long could it go on?
Amy: Blue and yellow were my mom's favourite colours. ♪ How 'bout forever... ♪ Our love will be strong ♪ How 'bout forever... ♪ Our love will be strong Announcer: Sometimes a dream is worth holding on to. I'm choking under the pressure. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Announcer: Quitting is not an option. Okay, one more time. You could win this whole thing. I'm the wink link. Now!
Announcer: Heartland returns with an all new episode, Sunday March 1st on CBC. | Plan: A: a problem student; Q: What is Tim confronted with when he opens a rodeo school? A: Ty; Q: Who jumps to conclusions when he learns Lily has entered rehab again? A: two jobs; Q: How many jobs is Wade working to pay for Lily's rehab? A: Lou; Q: Who is out of town when Georgie prepares to attend her first Sadie Hawkins dance? A: Georgie; Q: Who gets chicken poxes and can't go to the dance? A: Jack; Q: Who wants Lisa to not get involved in the wedding preparations? A: Jack's protestations; Q: What did Lisa ignore about getting involved in the wedding? A: Lisa; Q: Who spearheads the wedding preparations with Amy? A: a reluctant Amy; Q: Who does Lisa plan to get married with? Summary: Tim opens a rodeo school but is confronted with a problem student. Ty jumps to conclusions when he learns Lily has entered rehab again. Wade is working two jobs to pay for Lily's rehab. And with Lou out of town, Georgie prepares to attend her first Sadie Hawkins dance. Georgie gets the chicken poxes and can't go to the dance. Then, despite Jack's protestations that she not get involved, Lisa spearheads wedding preparations with a reluctant Amy. |
[Scene: Nate's Apartment. Bedroom. Paige and Nate are in bed. Nate is asleep. Paige lies awake and touches Nate's tattoo on his shoulder. Nate wakes up.]
Paige: Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.
Nate: It's alright. I'm just glad you're still here.
Paige: You didn't think I would be?
Nate: Well, you're a woman of mystery, Paige.
(Paige touches his tattoo again.)
Paige: The celtic wheel of being. Four elements, all balanced, all connected to each other.
Nate: How'd you know that? Nobody knows that.
Paige: I just read a lot about different things, sometimes magic things. Do you ever read about magic things?
Nate: I just got it 'cause I thought it'd look cool. I'm joking, I'm kidding. (Paige's cell phone rings. She sits up.) Aw, come on, let the voicemail get it.
(Paige picks up her phone.)
Paige: Oh, it's my sister. (She answers it.) Hello?
Piper: I found a way to vanquish the leader of the creepers.
Paige: Okay, and not a good time.
Piper: Well, sorry, the potion's already been made and strike while the iron's hot.
Paige: No can do.
Piper: Look, we take him out, we take out his entire clan, which means there's no demons left out there to threaten the wiccaning.
Paige: Timing bad. What part of that don't you understand?
Piper: Okay, fine. If you don't want your nephew to be blessed by his ancestors, than you don't mind him falling prey to evil.
Paige: Alright, alright.
(Paige hangs up.)
Nate: Is there a problem?
Paige: Always.
(Paige gets out of bed.)
Nate: What, are you leaving?
(She grabs a shirt.)
Paige: No, I'm, uh, just going to the bathroom. I'll be right back. Promise.
(Paige goes into the bathroom and closes the door.)
[Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper is there. She dials a number on the phone. Paige orbs in wearing only Nate's shirt.]
Paige: Alright, let's get it over with.
Piper: Oh, sorry.
Paige: Yeah, me too. Whattaya got?
(Piper hands her a notepad.)
Piper: You summon, I will vanquish.
(Piper puts down the phone and picks up a vial of potion.)
Paige: "Demons who dwell in slivers of night, uncloak your shadows to witch's sight."
(A gust of wind blows through the attic and a very large demon with a creepy face and wearing a black cloak appears behind them.)
Piper: Aahh. (She throws the potion at the demon and he bursts into flames and is vanquished.) Ugh. Creepers, check.
Paige: We done here?
Piper: Yes, sleaze away.
Paige: Yeah, well, at least I get some.
Piper: Yeah, yeah.
(Paige coughs and orbs out.)
[Cut to Nate's apartment. Nate is standing outside the bathroom door, knocking.]
Nate: Paige?
(Paige opens the door.)
Paige: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.
Nate: You didn't hear me? (Nate sniffs the air.) It's alright, you don't have to hide in there, I know what you were doing.
Paige: You do?
Nate: Yeah, you smoke.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Phoebe and Wyatt are there. Phoebe is sitting on the couch beside the bed and pulls two lipsticks out of her makeup bag. Wyatt is lying on the bed.]
Phoebe: Okay, so we have one Woodmist, which is kinda natural and earthy or Rouge Sensation, which definitely has more of that, you know, va-va-va-voom feel. (She smiles at Wyatt and moves to sit beside him.) You're a guy. What do you think Jason will like more, huh? (She holds the lipsticks in front of Wyatt.) We got this one or this one? (Wyatt smiles.) Okay, Rouge Sensation it is. Very good. (She puts on the lipstick.) You are so cute. Yes you are. Your grandmother is just going to eat you up when she meets you. But no spitting up and none of that toxic poop that you like to do because she hasn't been around babies since she was alive, okay?
(Paige walks in.)
Paige: Piper's gonna freak if Wyatt's not down in his Sunday best in like five. (Paige sits on the bed.) Hey.
Phoebe: I know, I got a little side tracked.
Paige: Hey, what's with the come-hither makeup?
Phoebe: Um, Jason called from his corporate jet and I'm gonna meet him at the airport.
Paige: Ah, he's back from Hong Kong?
Phoebe: Yeah, just for the day.
Paige: International booty call. Most impressive.
Phoebe: Hey, there's a minor in the room, Paige.
Paige: Sorry. But you know what'll be good? Piper and I don't have to see you moping around the house anymore.
Phoebe: I was not mopey.
Paige: You are too mopey.
Phoebe: Okay, well, that's because I missed him, and I didn't expect to miss him as much as I did.
Paige: Ohh. Um, I'm just curious. Has anyone ever tried the truth spell that's in the book?
Phoebe: Yes, and don't.
Paige: Don't what?
Phoebe: Don't try it. Especially not on Nate.
Paige: I wasn't going to.
Phoebe: (to Wyatt) Where you going?
Paige: Okay, fine, maybe I was. But, you know, how else am I supposed to find out if he can handle the big dark secret?
Phoebe: Don't you think it's a little early in the relationship to start thinking about that?
Paige: No, I don't think so. He's the first guy I've really liked since Glen and I actually think he might be able to handle my being a witch.
Phoebe: Really? How do you know?
Paige: I know this sounds insane but he's got this kind of cool, mystical celtic tattoo and he actually knows what it means.
Phoebe: (to Wyatt) You could be on the cover of GQ, you're so handsome.
Paige: I don't think it would really hurt anything if I did the spell because, you know, it does wear off after twenty-four hours and he'd forget anything anyway. What's the harm?
Phoebe: It could hurt a lot. You never know what you're gonna get when you cast that spell.
Paige: I know what I'm gonna get if I don't. I'm gonna have to dump him. It's not gonna work otherwise.
Piper: (from downstairs) Guys! Come on, hurry up!
Phoebe: Okay, we're coming!
Paige: Coming!
[Cut to the living room. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is placing lit candles on the floor in a circle.]
Piper: So you think the green outfit is cute? Because I can have them put him in the one with the clouds on it.
Leo: It's her great grandson. I don't think she's gonna care what he's wearing.
Piper: Yeah, but she's not coming as a great grandmother. She's coming in an official capacity as the matriarch of our family.
Leo: Well, she's not gonna come at all unless we summon her.
(They finish placing the candles and step aside.)
Piper: Okay. "Here these words, hear my cry, spirit from the other side, come to me, I summon thee, cross now the great divide."
(Colourful lights swirl inside the candle circle and then Grams appears.)
Grams: Well, it's about time, Piper. What took you so long?
Piper: Hello to you too, Grams.
Grams: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just so excited. (She steps out of the circle and becomes corporeal. She hugs Piper.) How are you, my dear?
Piper: Excited too.
Leo: Hi, Grams.
Grams: Leo. So, where's the little one?
(Phoebe and Paige walk down the stairs. Phoebe is carrying Wyatt.)
Piper: Right behind you. (They turn around and Piper takes Wyatt off of Phoebe.) Grams, meet the next generation of Halliwells.
(Piper hands Wyatt to Grams.)
Grams: Ohh.
Piper: Baby Wyatt.
Grams: Wyatt? That's a silly name for a girl, isn't it?
Phoebe: Grams. It's a boy. Look at the outfit.
Grams: What?
Paige: You didn't know?
Grams: Well, no, I-I mean I just assumed it was a... What went wrong?
Leo: Wrong?
Grams: Oh-oh, well, I don't mean wrong, wrong. It's just that we've always had girls.
(She hands Wyatt to Leo.)
Piper: Now we have a boy.
Grams: Right. Well, um, okay, well, we've got a lot of work to do before I perform the wiccaning.
Piper: Work? What work?
Grams: Are you kidding? I'm gonna be calling every matriarch in our family since the witch trials and we've got to make sure the manor is safe.
Piper: Oh, we've got that covered. Uh, every demon that could attack their spirits has been taken out. The zombies, the rigors...
Paige: Creepers.
Piper: We're all set.
Grams: What about the Necromancer?
Piper: Who?
Phoebe: Okay, you guys discuss this. I have to pop by the airport and pick up my friend Jason.
(She gives Grams a hug.)
Grams: Who's Jason?
Phoebe: Just a guy, Grams. Don't start the wiccaning without me. Be right back.
(Phoebe leaves.)
Paige: Actually, I have to check on my man too.
(She gives Grams a kiss on the cheek and leaves.)
Grams: You know, they'd be better off with a dog. More loyal and they die sooner.
Leo: Excuse me?
Grams: Oh... (chuckles) Don't mind me. You know, I never have very much luck with men.
Leo: But you've been married four times.
Grams: Exactly.
Piper: So can we get back to this, uh, Necromancer?
Grams: Yes, we should, and fast. The last time he attacked was during your mother's wiccaning. (Piper and Grams head up the stairs.) And we can't take any chance on that happening again, so chop-chop.
Leo: (to Wyatt) Now you know why we don't summon her more often. Yeah.
[Scene: Necromancer's Catacombs. The room is filled with skeleton heads and spider webs. The transparent Necromancer is there. His assistant, Skreek, appears in the room holding a jar with a fairy inside.]
Necromancer: You've got to be kidding.
Skreek: Don't judge it by its size, sir. She's not just any fairy, she's a queen.
Necromancer: I don't know. It hardly seems worth the trouble. You, uh, forgot to put holes in the lid.
Skreek: No, actually, I didn't. (The fairy runs out of air and collapses, dead. Her spirit rises out of the jar.) Go for it, sir.
(The necromancer zaps the fairy's spirit and sucks it inside his body. He becomes corporeal.)
Necromancer: Well, that won't sustain me for long.
Skreek: Okay, well, what? Maybe I should get you an ogre?
Necromancer: Or maybe I should just devour you.
Skreek: Ah, but sir, you need me, remember?
Necromancer: A century ago I didn't need anyone. I was a powerful demon, a ruler. Alive! (He swings his hand and grabs a handful of cobwebs.) I grow weary of it all. Scrounging around for magical spirits just to get a taste of life.
Skreek: Uh, actually, I do all the scrounging.
Necromancer: I wanna live again, do you understand? I wanna be resurrected. I will be resurrected.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Hotel room. Phoebe is looking out the window with a blanket wrapped around herself. Jason wearing a robe walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her.]
Phoebe: I am so glad you're home.
Jason: Well, if leaving means more reunions like this, I'll go away more often.
(She turns to face him.)
Phoebe: No, don't go away ever.
Jason: I'm afraid I have to.
Phoebe: What do you mean, baby?
Jason: Well, we just bought an Asian Media Conglomerate. I gotta go back to set it up.
Phoebe: Oh. Well, for how long?
Jason: Six months. Maybe longer. (Phoebe sighs and sits on the bed. Jason pulls a gift out of his robe pocket and hands it to Phoebe.) I got you something. Open it. (She does so and pulls out a book.) It's a dictionary. Chinese-American.
Phoebe: Thank you.
Jason: You don't like it?
Phoebe: No, I do. It's just I found out that I'm not gonna see you for the next six months. I was kinda hoping for jewellery or something.
Jason: Well, jewellery won't help you get around Hong Kong. The dictionary will.
Phoebe: What?
(He takes her hand.)
Jason: Come back with me, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Wh-.
Jason: That's why I flew out to see if you'd fly back with me. It leaves tomorrow morning.
Phoebe: Are you serious? I can't just pick up and-and leave and move to Hong Kong for the next six months.
Jason: Why not?
Phoebe: Well, uh, for starters I have a job.
Jason: Well, I'm your boss. I'll transfer you.
Phoebe: Okay, and how about my family? My sisters and my new little nephew?
Jason: You can use the jet whenever you want. It'll be at your disposal. I missed you Phoebe.
Phoebe: I missed you too.
Jason: Well, I don't want to miss you again. Come back with me.
[Scene: Nate's Piano Bar. Nate sits at the piano, talking on the phone.]
Nate: Yeah, what's this gonna cost? For a new thermostat? Come on, you can do better than that. (Paige walks in.) Hey, let me call you back, alright? (He hangs up and walks over to Paige.) Hey.
Paige: Hi.
Nate: Nice to see you. What are you doing way out here?
Paige: I just, um, I kinda wanted to talk to you. Do you have a minute?
Nate: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not open for another hour. You wanna have a seat, you wanna drink or something?
Paige: No, it's okay.
Nate: What's the matter? Are you alright?
Paige: Maybe nothing, but there's only one way to find out. (Paige pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket.) "For those who want the truth revealed, open hearts and secrets unsealed, from now until it's now again, after which the memory ends."
(Coloured lights swirl around him and he waves his hands.)
Nate: Did you see that?
Paige: Okay, here goes nothing. Nate, I'm a witch. A real witch with real magical powers and I just kinda wanted to see if maybe you'd be open to that.
Nate: What are you talking about?
Paige: I'm talking about this. (She orbs out and orbs back in on the piano.) Behind you.
(Nate turns around.)
Nate: How'd you do that?
Paige: I told you, I'm a witch. I just kinda wanted to see how you'd feel about it before I went any further into the relationship. I can see that you don't feel so very good about it.
Nate: No, let me just get my head around this. I mean, you don't see stuff like this every day.
(Paige gets off the piano.)
Paige: Maybe you would be okay with it?
Nate: Yeah. Hell, yeah. I-I mean, I sort of thought this stuff was real, you know, I just didn't really know it was really real, you know?. Oh my god, my wife is gonna love this.
Paige: Excuse me?
Nate: Did I just say wife?
Paige: You're married? You never told me you were married.
Nate: Yeah, I didn't tell you I had children either but... Uh, did I just say kids too?
[Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper and Grams are there. Piper is looking at the Necromancer page in the Book of Shadows.]
Piper: See I was right. You vanquished this demon sixty years ago.
Grams: The Necromancer is not a demon. He's a ghost of a demon. And it wasn't a vanquish, I banished him back into the spirit realm.
Piper: Well, then you should be a little more specific in your wording.
Grams: But the point is he's had about seventy years to find a way out of the spirit realm and that man, that demon is nothing, if not confident.
Piper: Well, I guess I'll take your word for it considering you seem to know so much about him. "Enjoys Clark Gable movies", "Favourite dinner: Lamb chops with mint jelly".
Grams: Well, you know me. You never know what could be useful.
Piper: So what do you suggest? That I go to the video store and you get cooking?
Grams: Oh, don't be so literal. I was just trying to show how much he craves life, the sensuousness of it. Food, drink, s*x...
Piper: Don't! I don't wanna hear about a dead demon doing the dirty.
Grams: He wants to be resurrected.
Piper: It says that he has dominion over the dead. You would think that would be enough.
Grams: Not for him it isn't. He only uses his power over the dead to absorb their spirit and get a temporary fix of life. But he was always searching for magical spirits with enough power to resurrect himself for good.
Piper: Like all the spirits of the Halliwell matriarchs.
Grams: That's what he attacked at your mother's wiccaning. Now you see why I'm so worried.
Piper: Okay, so if he's out, we'll send him packing back to the spirit realm because nothing is going to get in the way of Wyatt's wiccaning.
Grams: Good, and I know just the potion to use on him too. (Grams walks over to the potion table.) See we'll need some, oh, dragon root, uh, eel skin, bloodwort. You know, Piper, I'm still surprised that you had a boy.
Piper: Well, fifty-fifty chance.
Grams: Not in our family. Three hundred years and not a male in the bunch.
Piper: I guess our family's changing.
Grams: Mm. I mean, it begs a few questions, don't you think? I mean, we've never had a male witch and, you know, men are just so...
(Paige storms in.)
Paige: They're just evil, that's what they are. They are just plain evil.
Piper: Oh, I take it Nate wasn't too happy about you being a witch.
Paige: Oh, Nate was fine with my being a witch. It's maybe his wife that would have had a problem.
Piper: He's married?
Paige: Yeah, with two kids.
Piper: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Grams: I told you, she should've gotten a dog.
Piper: What did you do when you found out?
Paige: Plenty. I mean, I'm sure plenty will happen to him, karmicly speaking. Cheat.
Grams: Well, there's no wrath like a witch scorned, I always say. Care to take it out on him?
(She shows the picture of the Necromancer in the Book of Shadows to Paige.)
[Scene: Necromancer's Catacombs. The Necromancer is lying on a crypt. He hears a noise.]
Necromancer: What measly crumbs have you brought me this time?
Grams: Nothing you're gonna like.
(He turns to see Piper, Paige and Grams standing in the room. He quickly gets up.)
Necromancer: Penny!
Piper: Penny?
(Grams uses her power and sends him flying across the room. He lands on some large vases.)
Grams: What are you waiting for? Throw the damn potion. (Paige throws the potion at him and he bursts into flames. He is vanquished. Grams turns to the girls.) What?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Piper's room. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are there.]
Phoebe: Wait, so he called her by her name?
Piper: Penny. Yeah. Kinda weird, huh?
Paige: Yeah, and he acted like he liked her.
Phoebe: Twim-gee. That's Chinese for excuse me.
Piper: Fascinating.
Phoebe: Did you guys vanquish him?
Paige: No, he's already dead, he can't be vanquished. But we did send his sorry male ass back to the spirit realm.
Piper: Okay, let's not jump on Grams' male bashing bandwagon, please.
Paige: Grams is a wise woman.
Piper: I'll be sure to let Wyatt know.
Paige: Don't worry, we're not gonna let him grow up to be a slime bag.
Piper: Great, so let's focus on blessing him in light and goodness. Okay, we don't got a lot of time. (She holds up some baby shoes.) Now white or patent leather.
Phoebe: Bok! That's white.
Paige: Okay, what is with the Chinese thing?
Phoebe: It's a little souvenir that Jason brought me back from China, when he was there on his business trip.
Paige: Oh! Business trip, yeah, business trip. A likely story.
Phoebe: What is that supposed to mean?
Paige: I'm just saying. He could be leading a double life, he could be married, he could have a mistress, he could be gay. You don't know, there are many variables.
(The phone rings.)
Phoebe: Or he could be perfect for me.
Paige: Don't be so sure. Men are full of surprises, that's all.
Phoebe: Funny you should mention surprises because, uh, he had a little surprise for me.
(Leo walks in carrying Wyatt.)
Leo: Paige? Darryl's on the phone, he's pretty pissed. Something about your boyfriend?
Paige: He's not my boyfriend, he's my ex-boyfriend.
(Paige leaves the room.)
Piper: What are you doing with Wyatt? I thought Grams was gonna spend some time with him.
Leo: Well, she didn't want to.
(Piper laughs.)
Piper: What? That's ridiculous.
Leo: Really? Then why didn't she want to touch him or change him or feed him?
Piper: Well, she's probably just resting before the ceremony. She said she was gonna do it as soon as we get rid of the Necromancer.
Leo: Piper, this has nothing to do with the Necromancer and you know it. Grams doesn't like the fact that Wyatt's a boy and she makes no bones about it.
[Scene: Necromancer's Catacombs. Skreek places several bones and skulls on the ground to make a pentagon. He picks up a chalice of red dust and sprinkles it into the pentagon. He chants and inside the pentagon starts to swirl. The swirling stops and the Necromancer appears.]
Necromancer: Am I really back?
Skreek: Yes, and I, uh, summoned you in record time too.
Necromancer: Bet Penny didn't count on that. She can't fool me. She's a spirit too, I can tell.
Skreek: Uh, who's Penny?
Necromancer: Penny Halliwell. The witch who stole my heart. You should have seen her. The glint in her eye, the way she held up her hand and sent me curdling into that wall.
Skreek: Youch.
Necromancer: Didn't hurt as much as the potion did though. I can tell she made it herself. The flames were excruciating. She was furious with me, which can only mean one thing. She still feels the passion, the heat.
Skreek: You sure that wasn't fire?
Necromancer: If only I knew why she came back here. Why leave a cosy eternity up there?
Skreek: Uh, it could have something to do with the new baby.
Necromancer: Baby? What baby?
Skreek: It's the talk of the underworld. One of the Charmed Ones had a kid. It's a powerful one too, one we're not supposed to mess with.
Necromancer: That's it, she's here for the wiccaning. I'll need you to get me a troll. No, better yet, an elf. I'm gonna need all my energy if I'm going to take on Penny Halliwell.
[Scene: Manor. Parlor. Grams is leaning over the empty bassinet, touching the triquetra symbol on the blanket. Piper walks down the stairs.]
Piper: Grams?
(Grams straightens up.)
Grams: Oh! Piper, you scared me.
Piper: Hm, I didn't know you could scare a ghost. We need to talk.
Grams: About?
Piper: I think you know what about. Leo seems to think that you don't want to be around Wyatt for some reason. And I'm beginning to wonder myself.
Grams: Oh, this is all my fault. Maybe if I lived longer, been around longer, maybe things would've worked out the way they were supposed to.
Piper: What are you talking about?
Grams: This. Wyatt.
Piper: Oh, you mean because he's not a girl?
Grams: Piper, you know as well as I do that the charmed line is supposed to be lead by women. Not men.
Piper: Who says?
Grams: Tradition says. Destiny says. Tell me that you didn't hope to have a little girl, expect to have a little girl, just like you foresaw.
Piper: Well, of course, but so what?
Grams: So what is something went wrong. Terribly wrong. This is not the baby you were meant to have.
Piper: Grams.
Grams: You saw it yourself when you went to the future.
Piper: That was also the future where Prue was still alive and witches were burned at the stake. Things change.
Grams: Not this. Oh, it's just that I'm worried about the family, you know. We don't know what to expect.
Piper: I know, and that's precisely why we shouldn't treat him any differently because he's a boy. That's why we're going to do the ceremony. At the very least he deserves that.
Grams: I'm sorry, Piper. I can't.
[Scene: Police Station. Jail cell. Nate is there. Paige is standing on the outside.]
Nate: Come on, this is outrageous. Look, I'll sue you for false imprisonment and when I get out of here I'm gonna tell everybody about you, you witch.
Paige: For your information, Nate, spells can do a lot more than just make you tell the truth, something you might wanna think about.
(Darryl walks up to Paige and pulls her aside.)
Darryl: Are you out of your mind? You can't just orb him here and think that's gonna fly, 'cause it's not!
Paige: Why not? Do you know what he did?
Darryl: I don't care what he did. Get him outta here now!
Nate: Listen to the donut hog.
Darryl: What?!
(Nate grabs a pillow and buries his face in it.)
Paige: Men.
Darryl: Do you know how much trouble I'm in? The man's got a constitutional right, you know?
Paige: Oh, constitution, schmonstitution, Darryl.
Darryl: Look, he's a jerk, fine, but cheating is immoral, it's not illegal.
Paige: Alright, I understand that, and I can't deny that I'm taking some sort of personal pleasure from this because I am. But that's not the main thing that's happening here. I cast a truth spell.
Darryl: Oh, no.
Paige: It's just a little one. But you know? It's a good thing I did, otherwise I wouldn't know what a cheating jerk he is.
Darryl: This is so not my problem.
Paige: Actually it is. Because see, if he goes out, he's gonna be telling people that I'm a witch and also about my special friend, a cop who helps the witch.
Darryl: What am I supposed to do? Keep him in here indefinitely?
Paige: No, not indefinitely. Just like the next twenty hours or so.
Darryl: What am I supposed to tell the other cop if they hear him?
(Nate stares at them and makes pig noises.)
Paige: Just tell them he's insane.
[Cut to the manor. Parlor. Piper and Grams are there.]
Piper: You are crazy! This isn't about him or our legacy. This is about you.
Grams: Piper, you don't understand.
Piper: That you don't want to perform a blessing on my son? You are damn right I do not understand.
Grams: You see him as an innocent little boy. But he won't be like that, not for long.
Piper: So you can't even hold him because some day, some very far away day he will become a man?
Grams: Men can not be trusted with magic. They can't handle it, they're weak and evil will eventually win out.
Piper: That is silly! Look at Leo.
Grams: Well, Leo, I mean, he's an angel, you can't count Leo.
(Phoebe walks down the stairs.)
Phoebe: Hey, what's going on here?
Piper: Your grandmother hates her grandson, that's what's going on.
Grams: That is not true.
Piper: Oh, I'm sorry, you just hate men, is that correct?
Grams: No, I don't trust men. There's a difference. And there is a reason that they don't last long in this family because they're always trying to take advantage of what we have.
Phoebe: That's not true.
Grams: Isn't it? Look what Cole put you through. Look what your father did to your mother.
Phoebe: So we're supposed to give up on trying to find love just because we might get hurt?
Grams: Oh, no, you will get hurt. That's part of our legacy too, unfortunately.
Piper: You know what? Forget it. You couldn't even bless my son with any kind of goodness because you are too consumed by your bitterness.
Grams: Piper.
Piper: And since his father is an angel, we will take our chances without a wiccaning!
(Skreek appears on the stairs and throws a beam of light at Piper, sending her across the room. He throws a beam of light at Phoebe and she dives over the couch.)
Grams: Leave them alone!
(Suddenly, she is pulled backwards in a blur and into Necromancer's arms.)
Necromancer: Surprise.
(Skreek walks down the stairs.)
Phoebe: Piper!
(Piper blows up Skreek. Necromancer disappears with Grams.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Phoebe is holding Wyatt.]
Piper: Well, let's face it. Grams would not be in this position if she hadn't sent us after the guy in the first place.
Phoebe: Not helpful. We have to summon her back here fast.
Leo: We can't. The necromancer will follow and if you don't have a way to stop him.
Paige: How did he get a clean shot of her anyway? Weren't you guys with her?
Phoebe: Uh, we were fighting with her.
Paige: Fighting? About what?
Piper: Yeah, later. Let's just focus on the vanquishing and the saving.
Phoebe: Yeah, but I don't know how to. I mean, it's not like we can even vanquish him, he's a ghost.
Paige: Well, ghosts can still feel pain. Maybe I can just orb his testicles somewhere.
Piper: Paige, there will be no talk of testicle orbing in front of the child.
Leo: And not around his daddy either.
Paige: Oh, criminy, I'm just trying to help.
(Leo takes Wyatt off of Phoebe and leaves the room. Phoebe moves closer to the Book of Shadows which is sitting on the coffee table.)
Phoebe: Okay, there's got to be a weakness in here somewhere. I mean, he must have a weakness, right?
Piper: Well, do mint jelly and Clark Gable movies count? She wrote it.
Phoebe: Oh my god. That's why she's so obsessed with him. Grams was the Necromancer's lover.
(Piper gasps.)
Paige: That's disgusting.
Piper: Oh, no, I think you're right. That would explain everything. Grams was alive when she banished the Necromancer, right?
Phoebe: Right.
Piper: Okay, so now she's dead.
Paige: You sound so happy about that.
Phoebe: No, that's not what she means. The ghost vanquishing spell.
(Phoebe flips through the Book of Shadows.)
Piper: You've gotta be dead to use it, right?
Phoebe: It's worth a shot.
[Scene: Necromancer's Catacombs. Grams is lying on a crypt asleep. The Necromancer stands beside her and leans in.]
Necromancer: Your spirit is strong, Penny. Almost strong enough to sustain us both. Almost. (He moves away from her.) Awaken! (Grams wakes up and sits up.) No need to worry, Penny, you're safe here. (Grams holds up her hands, ready to use her power.) Ah-ah-ah! You're well aware of my powers, Penny. I covet your spirit, and any spirit I covet, I control.
Grams: You son of a...
Necromancer: Shh! Of course you know, the more you fight me, the more I know that you still love me.
Grams: Are you crazy? I hate you!
Necromancer: Yes. But you only hate me because you once loved me. After all, we only hate those who've gotten close to us, don't we? Those who've gotten close enough to touch our hearts.
Grams: You used me. You prayed on my affections just to get to my family.
Necromancer: And for that I am truly, truly sorry. I was just trying to survive. I never intended to fall in love with you either.
Grams: What do you want, Armond?
Necromancer: What I wanted then. Life! With you! Think about it. Think about it, Penny. There's enough magic in the Halliwell line to resurrect us both. To give us a second chance together. All you have to do is call up the spirits of the matriarchs. I'll do the rest.
Grams: No-no, you'll never make me do that.
Necromancer: I can if I have to.
Grams: I'll tell my granddaughters, they will destroy you. (He waves his hands and Grams gets a loud ringing in her ears. She gasps. The ringing stops.) You haven't changed one bit.
Necromancer: Isn't that why you loved me? Because I was dangerous, exciting, why your heart beats a little faster when I'm near you. Or when I do this. (He kisses her.) You still love me, Penny. You know it and I know it. You're going to help us both to live again. Forever.
[Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are there. Piper lights five candles that are sitting on the floor in a circle.]
Piper: Alright, as soon as we summon her, we've gotta get her straight to the book because the Necromancer's gonna be right behind her.
Paige: All over it.
Piper: Okay, let's do this. (The door bell rings. Phoebe walks over to the window.) Who is that?
Phoebe: It's Jason.
Paige: Guys really do have bad timing, don't they?
Phoebe: Yeah, I kinda owe him an answer.
Piper: Answer to what?
Phoebe: He asked me to go back to Hong Kong with him. To live. (The doorbell rings again.) I'll be right back.
(She leaves the room.)
[Cut to the foyer. Leo answers the door.]
Leo: Sorry, Jason, now's not really a good time.
Jason: Please, I need to talk to her and I don't have much time.
(Phoebe walks into the foyer.)
Phoebe: It's okay, Leo.
Leo: What about...?
Phoebe: Don't worry about it. (Leo leaves the foyer.) Come in.
(Jason walks in and Phoebe closes the door.)
Jason: Hi.
Phoebe: Hi.
Jason: Uh, listen, Phoebe, I've been thinking.
Phoebe: Yeah, me too.
Jason: I shouldn't have asked you to come with me like that.
Phoebe: You shouldn't have?
Jason: It's not that I don't want you to, I do. I just, I think I sorta blindsided you with it and I feel bad about it.
Phoebe: Jason...
Jason: And-and-and it was unfair of me to spring it on you like that knowing how close you are to your family.
Phoebe: That's really sweet but...
Jason: I just, I don't want to pressure you into deciding. And I wanted you to know that if-if you need more time to think about it...
Phoebe: I don't.
Jason: You don't?
Phoebe: No, I don't. I do love my family and I don't wanna leave them. But I think if I don't, at least for a little while, then I'm gonna wind up like my grandmother and I don't want that.
Jason: I don't think I understand.
Phoebe: You don't have to understand. What time does the plane leave?
Jason: Ten. In the morning.
Phoebe: I'll be there.
Jason: Yeah?
Phoebe: Yeah!
Jason: Yeah?
Phoebe: Yeah! (They kiss each other's cheeks and they move towards the door.) Okay.
(Phoebe opens the door.)
Jason: Alright.
(The kiss again and Jason leaves. Phoebe grins.)
[Cut to the attic. Piper and Paige are looking out the window.]
Piper: Go on, go on.
(They quickly race to the centre of the room. Phoebe walks in.)
Paige: Well?
Phoebe: How do you guys feel about intercontinental orbing?
Piper: We'll, talk about that later. (Piper hands Phoebe a piece of paper.) Read.
Phoebe: "Here these words, here my cry, spirit from the other side, come to me, I summon thee, cross now the great divide."
[Cut to the Necromancer's Catacombs. Grams hears there call.]
Necromancer: They're calling you, my love? Don't, don't try to fight it. You have no choice but to do as I wish.
(Grams disappears in a swirl of bright lights.)
[Cut to the manor. Attic. Grams appears in a swirl of bright lights.]
Paige: Welcome back, Grams.
Grams: Girls.
Piper: No time for apologies. Come on, come on, this way, this way, this way.
(They take Grams over to the Book of Shadows.)
Phoebe: That is a spell to vanquish a ghost. But only a ghost can read it and that's you.
Grams: You shouldn't have done this.
Piper: Oh, come on, Grams, we're not that mad.
Grams: You will be.
Piper: Grams, he's gonna be here any second.
Grams: I know, I know. It's just that I don't think that...
(Grams get a painful ringing in her ears. She gasps.)
Paige: Are you alright?
Grams: Yes. I never meant to hurt you or Wyatt.
Piper: Right, okay, look, we kind of need to focus on the demon at hand here, okay?
(A gust of wind blows through the attic.)
Phoebe: Whoa. Incoming!
(Necromancer appears in a puff of smoke.)
Paige: Now, Grams!
Piper: Grams, read the spell.
Necromancer: Don't bother. She's with me now. (He moves closer to Grams.) It's time, dear.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Continued from before.]
Paige: Piper, blow him up or something.
Piper: A ghost? You want me to blow up the ghost? He's already dead.
Grams: "I call forth from space and time, matriarchs from the Halliwell line..."
Piper: Paige, the truth spell. Use it on Grams.
Grams: "Mothers, daughters, sisters, friends..."
Paige: "For those who want the truth revealed, open hearts and secrets unsealed..."
Grams: "Our family's spirit without end..."
Paige: "From now until it's now again, after which the memory ends."
Grams: "Gather now in this sacred place..."
(Coloured lights appear around Grams.)
Necromancer: Penny, finish the spell.
Piper: Grams, tell him how you really feel about him. Tell him the truth.
Grams: I love you.
Paige: Any other bright ideas?
Grams: And now I know that you didn't just use me, that you really did love me too.
Necromancer: I still do.
Grams: I know. But the truth is that our love isn't nearly as powerful as the love I have for my family. "Ashes to ashes, spirit to spirit..."
Necromancer: Penny?
Grams: "Take his soul."
Necromancer: Penny, what are you doing?
Grams: "Banish this evil." (The Necromancer is vanquished.) I am so sorry. I never realised how much my anger, my bitterness affected my life, or yours. And I'm most sorry for what I did to my great grandson, and you. And if ever I wanted a second chance, it would be with him, and you. (Piper smiles and hugs Grams.) Don't make the same mistake I did. Don't ever give up on love.
[Scene: Police Station. Jail cell. Nate is still there. Paige stands on the outside.]
Nate: Paige, you gotta let me out of here sometime. You can't keep me in here forever.
Paige: Don't worry about it. When the spell wears off, you won't remember a single thing. Although, I've got a couple of things I'd like to say to you before it does.
Darryl: Say it fast will you?
Paige: Shush.
Nate: You know, Paige, I've been thinking. I've been in here a long time and I realise what I did to you was really wrong. I hope you're buying this.
Paige: You know, I thought you would have a problem with magic, I didn't think you'd be a problem on a basic human level.
Nate: I was gonna tell you about Morgan and the kids at some point. No, I wasn't.
Paige: For what it's worth, Nate, I don't hate you. You're just too pathetic. It doesn't matter anyway. It's gonna be over in like a second.
(Coloured lights appear around Nate.)
Nate: What happened? Why am I in jail?
Paige: I don't know, why don't you ask your wife.
(Paige storms off. Darryl laughs.)
Nate: What's so funny?
Darryl: You'll never know. (He opens the cell door.) Friendly advice. Don't ask any questions, don't call Paige and walk away as fast as you can.
Nate: Is that a threat?
(He walks out of the cell.)
Darryl: Actually, Nate, it is.
[Scene: Airport. Jason is standing near his private jet. A woman walks over to him.]
Woman: I'm sorry, Mr. Dean, but if we don't leave very soon, you're gonna miss your meeting.
Jason: I know, I know.
(She walks away. Jason turns towards the jet. Phoebe comes running towards Jason.)
Phoebe: Jason!
Jason: Phoebe. Wow, you're cutting it pretty close aren't you? Where are your bags?
Phoebe: Jason.
Jason: You're not coming, are you?
Phoebe: No, I'm not. I want to, more than you know.
Jason: Well, then why don't you?
Phoebe: It's hard to explain. I-I just feel like for now at least, that my place is here, you know, this is where I need to be. Not forever, god, I hope not forever. Just for now.
Jason: I guess I should've gotten you jewellery after all.
(They kiss.)
Phoebe: Hurry back.
(Jason gets on the jet.)
[Scene: Manor. Attic. The room is lit by candles. Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Grams are there. Piper walks in carrying Wyatt, who is dressed in a white wiccaning outfit. She stands between Phoebe and Leo.]
Grams: You know, I think he looks a little like your grandfather. Oh, trust me, that's a good thing. He was a good man.
Phoebe: Nice to know.
Piper: Shall we?
Grams: I call forth from space and time, matriarchs from the Halliwell line, mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, our family's spirit without end, to gather now in this sacred place, and help us bring this child to grace." (Matriarch spirits from different time periods appear in the room. Grams turns to the matriarchs.) The next generation has been born into our family, our legacy. (Piper hands Wyatt to Grams.) We pledge to be with this child, this beautiful boy always. Apart but never separate, free but never alone. He is one of us and because of that, we will bless him with all the goodness that we are. Welcome to the family, Wyatt Matthew Halliwell. (She kisses Wyatt on the cheek.) Blessed be.
Matriarchs: Blessed be.
Piper, Leo: Blessed be.
Phoebe, Paige: Blessed be.
(Grams hands Wyatt back to Piper.)
Grams: Take good care of my great grandson.
(Grams steps back and stands beside the other matriarchs. They all disappear.) | Plan: A: Grams; Q: Who is summoned for a Wiccan birthing ceremony? A: Wyatt; Q: Who is the Wiccan birthing ceremony for? A: the sisters; Q: Who finds out that Grams has brought a former lover from her past? A: her past; Q: Where did Grams bring a former lover from? A: Necromancer; Q: What is the name of the demon that Grams brought with her to the birthing ceremony? A: the Charmed Ones; Q: Who does the Necromancer demon want to kill? A: Phoebe; Q: Who is contemplating Jason's invitation to go with him to Hong Kong? A: her family; Q: What does Phoebe want to avoid leaving behind? A: Paige; Q: Who casts a truth spell to see if Nate can accept her being a witch? A: a truth spell; Q: What spell does Paige cast to see if Nate will accept her being a witch? A: Nate; Q: Who does Paige want to find out if he can accept her being a witch? Summary: When Grams is summoned for a Wiccan birthing ceremony, for Wyatt, the sisters find out that she has brought a former lover from her past, the Necromancer demon , who wants to kill the Charmed Ones and bring back the love they once shared. Meanwhile, Phoebe contemplates Jason's invitation to go with him to Hong Kong, even though it will take her away from her family, and Paige casts a truth spell to figure out if Nate can accept her being a witch but she gets more than she bargained for. |
FLASH IN.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT]
Operator: (V.O.) 911. What is your emergency?
Ray Lester: (V.O.) (panicked) Yes. There's been an accident. An accident. Please ...
[EXT. - NIGHT]
Operator: (V.O.) What kind of emergency, sir?
(A paramedic takes his kit from the vehicle.)
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT]
Ray Lester: (V.O.) Please, ma'am, I need you to send an ambulance. Please, just hurry.
[EXT. LESTER RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE - NIGHT]
Operator: Calm down, sir, paramedics are on their way.
(The paramedics head for the house. A man with blood on his shirt runs out of the house.)
Ray Lester: Oh, my God! Please, you've got to help me! Please, hurry!
Paramedic: Sir, where are you injured?
Ray Lester: What the hell? No, not me, my wife!
(He turns and leads them to his house.)
Ray Lester: Hurry! She's in here!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LESTER RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(He leads them into the darkened house to show them the woman on the stairs in a pool of blood.)
Paramedic 1: Get out of the way, sir.
(Paramedic 1 rushes over to the woman. He steps in the pool of blood. He turns and looks over at his partner.)
Paramedic 1: De-fib.
Paramedic 2: Yeah.
(The paramedic places the defibrillator on the ground. Ray Lester starts panicking.)
Ray Lester: What does that mean?
Paramedic: Sir, sir!
Ray Lester: Wh-What does that mean?
Paramedic: Sir, please stand back. (to the other paramedic) Go ahead. Go ahead.
(He puts the electrodes on her and turns on the machine. There's a flatline and steady tone.)
Paramedic: No response.
WHITE FLASH TO:
[EXT. LESTER RESIDENCE - FRONT WALK - NIGHT]
(Catherine and Grissom, both carrying their kits, duck under the crime scene tape to meet up with Brass and the two paramedics.)
(Brass turns around and immediately starts filling them in.)
Brass: There was an emergency call-out; the paramedics responded. They found Mrs. Lester on the back stairs. They pronounced at 12:16 a.m.
(Grissom notes the paramedics' bloodied shoes.)
Grissom: And, of course, you walked through the house.
Paramedic: We were responding to a traumatic injury. Our priority was to assist the victim.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LESTER RESIDENCE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(Brass leads Catherine and Grissom into the house. There are bloodied footprint tracks on the floor. Over in the living room, Ray Lester is sitting in a chair, his legs, shirt and hands bloodied.)
Brass: That's Ray Lester, the vic's husband.
(Brass continues into the house to lead them to the dead body.)
Catherine: Was he injured?
Brass: No, uh, that's his wife's blood. He said he checked to see if she was still alive and he held her until the paramedics came.
Catherine: Wouldn't you?
Brass: You never met my ex.
[INT. LESTER RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(They enter the kitchen and find a bottle of tequila, less than a quarter full, and two empty shot glasses on the counter.)
Catherine: Tequila will always remind me of Señor Frog's.
Brass: Which one?
(Grissom looks outside
Catherine: Cancun. My honeymoon. My dime.
Brass: Well, if you ever want to go back, it's on me.
Catherine: Is that a proposal?
(They continue to follow the bloodied footprints through the kitchen and on into the next room where the body is.)
David Phillips: It's like the Red Sea in here.
Grissom: The Red Sea's not red, David.
David Phillips: No, it's blue from afar and transparent when held in hand, like any other body of water. I was just speaking figuratively.
Catherine: I'm assuming those boot prints aren't yours.
David Phillips: Please, I was just waiting for you guys to clear a path. Blame the paramedics.
Grissom: This girl's head and spine are perfectly aligned.
Catherine: Yeah, when you fall down the stairs, your head tends to go in one direction, your body in another.
Brass: I'll take a statement from the husband and the paramedics; see if she was moved.
(Grissom looks at the door.)
David Phillips: You know, twice as many people die each year from falling down stairs than from accidental gunfire?
Brass: You didn't just get back from one of those coroner's conferences, did you?
(Grissom looks at Catherine, who glances at him and sees his look.)
Catherine: What are you thinking?
Grissom: Led Zeppelin, "Stairway to Heaven."
FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LESTER RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE -- DAY]
(The coroner's van is parked in the driveway. Officer keeps the crowd behind the taped-off area. One of the paramedics puts his shoes into the paper bag Greg holds for him. The other paramedic is doing the same.)
(Sara parks the car. Warrick, Nick and Sara exit the car and walk over to Greg.)
Warrick: Hey, Sanders.
Greg: Hey. Back stairs. And, uh, you might want to hug the wall.
(They turn and head for the house as Greg bags the other paramedic's shoes. He glances in the bag and takes a whiff of it.)
Greg: Whew! Did you ever hear of Odor Eaters? Never mind.
Paramedic 1: We don't get another boot allowance till spring.
Greg: Well, I'll try to get 'em back to you before your next shift, okay? Uh, one more question: Did either of you guys move the body?
Paramedic 2: Didn't have to. She was face-up.
Paramedic 1: I unbuttoned her blouse to apply the leads, but that's it.
Paramedic 2: We tried not to touch anything. Once we saw that blood, we knew you'd be showing up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LESTER RESIDENCE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(Everyone stands at the base of the stairs looking down at Becky Lester's body as Grissom preps them.)
Grissom: Becky Lester. Catherine and I got here a half an hour after her husband called 911.
Catherine: Edges of the blood pools were already dry. The pools themselves were tacky.
Nick: Which means she'd been down here at least an hour or two before you guys even got here.
Sara: Why did the husband wait so long to call?
Catherine: Good question.
Grissom: Coroner won't touch the body till Catherine and I are done processing around it, so, Sara, would you please go up the front stairs and work your way down the back stairs?
Sara: You got it.
(Sara picks up her kit and leaves.)
Grissom: Warrick, could you process the blood evidence from the front door to the back stairwell? And if you'll notice, she doesn't have any blood on her feet.
Warrick: So I can assume those bloody footprints aren't hers.
(Warrick turns and leaves.)
Grissom: Nick, Brass is in the study with the husband and he's waiting for you.
(Nick picks up his kit and leaves.)
(In the kitchen, Warrick puts an evidence marker down on the floor and snaps a photo of the bloodied footprints.)
(He continues to process the scene.)
(Various dissolves of Warrick putting down more evidence markers and taking more pictures as he works his way to the door.)
(Off on the counter, he notices a single blood drop. He snaps a photo of it. He puts a plastic protective covering over it, then looks around in the trash. He finds a napkin with blood on it. He picks it up.)
(On the second floor, Sara examines the stairs, starting from the top, and works her way down.)
(Grissom puts a measuring ruler near some blood drops and snaps a photo of it.
(Catherine takes a swab of the blood pool.)
(Sara prints the side of the stairway wall.)
(Catherine measures the blood spatter on the wall near the body.)
(Grissom is snapping photos of the contents in the hallway closet nearby.)
Catherine: Hey, Grissom, spatter on the wall doesn't exceed 18 inches.
Grissom: Well, that's consistent with the fall.
(Quick flash of: Becky Lester appears at the top of the stairs and trips. She falls down the stairs. Blood spatters on the wall near the bottom.)
(End of flash.)
(Sara is dusting the stairway walls.)
Sara: Guys, if she fell, even if she was pushed down these stairs, I would expect to find smudge marks on these walls.
Catherine: Yeah, she would've instinctively reached out for leverage.
Sara: There are none. Not to mention, that if she was up here before she was down there ... she should've landed head first.
(Quick flash of: Becky Lester trips and falls. She lands head on the bottom of the steps. End of flash.)
Sara: The body position is inconsistent with the fall.
Catherine: Well, it's inconsistent if she fell down the stairs. Maybe she fell up.
(Quick flash of: Becky Lester is walking up the stairs. She trips and falls, hitting her head on the stairs. She then falls a couple steps down. She gets up long enough to flip over, then falls back on the steps. End of flash.)
Sara: Catherine, can I borrow your micrometer?
(Catherine hands Sara the micrometer, which Sara uses to measure one of the blood drops on the wall.)
Sara: Blood spatter measures two millimeters.
Grissom: Medium spatter. Suggests impact with a blunt object.
(Quick flash of: Becky Lester is being beaten with an object. End of flash.)
Sara: But if she was hit, where's the castoff?
(Grissom looks at the ceiling above them.)
Grissom: It is a low ceiling. Pretty hard to swing a weapon.
Catherine: Sometimes first blush gives you a head rush.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LESTER RESIDENCE - SITTING ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(Brass interviews Ray Lester while Nick gathers evidence from him.)
Ray Lester: I don't think I moved her. Um, I mean, I cradled her head in my lap. Tried to wake her up, but that's it.
Brass: So, you and your wife went to Piero's for dinner, got home around 10:00, got out the tequila. Then what?
Ray Lester: I, you know, got comfortable ... then we went outside and did a few shots.
Nick: How'd the tequila get back inside?
Ray Lester: Um, the phone rang and it was my daughter Susan.
Brass: Your daughter?
Ray Lester: Yeah, from my first marriage. She's, she's staying at Becky's dad's.
(Quick flash of: Out the patio, the phone rings; Ray Lester answers it.)
Ray Lester: (to phone) All right. It's Susan.
Becky Lester: Oh. (to phone) Hey, babe. Uh-huh.
(Ray pours himself a drink.)
Becky Lester: (to phone) Okay. (to Ray) It's boy trouble. I'll take this inside.
(She presses the hold button on the phone, stands up and heads inside.)
(End of flash. Resume to present.)
Brass: What did you do after that?
Ray Lester: Another shot or two and then I guess I fell asleep. And I woke up around midnight. (Nick looks up from what he's doing.) And I figured that she and Susan had just gotten into one of their talk-a-thons.
(Quick flash of: Ray goes back into the house and puts the tequila and glasses on the counter.)
Ray Lester: (V.O.) I took the tequila and the glasses into the kitchen and that's when I saw her.
(He turns and sees Becky on the stairs.)
Ray Lester: Oh, my God. Oh, please!
(He runs over to her and holds her.)
Ray Lester: Oh, please, please! Oh, God. Oh, please, Oh please.
(He puts her back down, his hands in her blood.)
(Flash to: He runs to the phone and dials, the blood from his hands all over the phone.)
(End of flash. Resume to present.)
Brass: Now, is there any reason you can think of why your wife would be using the back stairs?
Ray Lester: From the kitchen, it's closer to the bedroom.
Brass: You never mentioned anything about the bedroom.
Ray Lester: Are you trying to trip me up or something? I mean, I don't ... maybe she went to, uh, brush her teeth or put on her nightgown. I really don't know.
Nick: Okay, sir. I'm going to need to take your clothing.
Ray Lester: I'll go upstairs and change.
(Ray stands up; Nick stops him.)
Nick: No, that's okay. We're still processing upstairs. You can remove them right here and I'll give you a jumpsuit.
(He turns and looks at Brass.)
Brass: I'll close my eyes, if you're shy.
(Ray removes his shirt to show teeth marks on his chest.)
Nick: Those don't look like mosquito bites.
Ray Lester: My wife likes to bite, and I don't mind it, okay?
Nick: (nods) Okay.
(Nick puts the shirt in a bag.)
(The coroners wheel out the body on a gurney. Ray's eyes follow the gurney as it passes the sitting room doorway on its way out of the house. He appears very upset.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LESTER RESIDENCE - BACK ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(Brass walks back into the room where Grissom and Catherine are working.)
Brass: Okay, the husband says he fell asleep, he woke up his wife was dead.
Grissom: He's a good sleeper.
Brass: Yeah, I'm sure he's gonna say something like that. Anyway, there's a daughter. She spent the night at her grandfather's, who lives a few blocks away. I'm gonna check it out.
(Brass leaves.)
Warrick: I'm ready.
(Grissom and Catherine head for the kitchen where Warrick is.)
Warrick: The blue markers denote the footprints. They're all consistent with the husband.
(Quick visualization of: Ray is near Becky's body. He's already stepped in the pool of blood. He runs over to the phone, leaving bloodied footprints behind him.)
Warrick: The footprints are associated with gravitational blood drops.
(The visualization continues: Ray puts the phone down and runs back to the body. The wet blood from his hands drops to the wooden floor.)
(Warrick points to the other markers.)
Warrick: The yellow markers denote the paramedics' boot prints.
(Quick visualization of: The two paramedics are at the body. They stand up and head back out, leaving a trail of bloody prints on the floor. Visualization ends.)
Catherine: And what about this here, on the counter?
Warrick: It's a single blood drop.
(Quick flash of: A single blood drop falls and hits the counter.)
Warrick: I'm thinking that's from when the husband reached for the phone.
Grissom: That's a good observation. What do you got in the bag?
Warrick: This ...
(Warrick opens the bag and takes out a paper towel.)
Warrick: ... is a bloody paper towel I found in the trash. It's too textured to print, but Sanders talked to the paramedics, who confirmed that it wasn't theirs. I'm thinking it was from the husband when he tried to clean up and saw it wouldn't be too easy.
Catherine: Lucky for us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LESTER RESIDENCE - SECOND FLOOR BEDROOM - DAY]
(Grissom climbs up the stairs and reaches the top. He looks around. The nearest bedroom is a girl's room. He looks around inside from the doorway.)
(He turns and walks down the hallway. At the end is another bedroom. He looks inside and notes it's a man's bedroom. A pair of reading glasses and a wallet are on the nightstand; a pair of shoes is next to the bed.)
(He turns and finds Sara in the woman's bedroom.)
Sara: Hey. Husband slept in the other room. His reading glasses are on the nightstand. Clothing's in the dresser.
(Sara looks under the bed covering.)
Grissom: That's odd. A man and a woman who don't share a bedroom arrange to have a night alone, send their daughter to a relative, go out to dinner, have drinks by the pool, but they sleep in separate bedrooms.
Sara: Maybe one of them snored or had insomnia or liked to work at night.
Grissom: Or maybe they were suffocating each other and he couldn't breathe.
(Sara turns and opens the nightstand drawer. She finds a tube and picks it up.)
Sara: Sexual lubricant. It's half empty. Sticky. You know, you don't have to sleep in the same bed together to have s*x or ... have romance.
Grissom: I'm going to go see the doctor.
Sara: I'll grid the house.
(Grissom turns and walks out of the bedroom.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. LESTER RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(Open on various framed family photos on the counter. Brass interviews Susan Lester and Grandpa Stein.)
Grandpa Stein:I don't understand. Becky was in perfect health. Can I see her? I'd like to see my daughter.
Brass: Well, her body's with the coroner, sir. There will be an autopsy as a part of our investigation. Grandpa Stein:But you said she fell.
Brass: Yeah, um, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you both a few questions. Grandpa Stein:Anything.
Brass: When was the last time either of you saw her? Grandpa Stein:When she dropped Susan off yesterday evening, she came in for a few minutes. Said she was headed home and out to dinner with Ray.
Brass: And that's the last time you spoke with her. Grandpa Stein:Yeah.
Susan Lester: No. I called her. A little after 10:00, after Grandpa went to bed.
Brass: What did you talk about? Grandpa Stein:Why is that important?
Brass: Well ...
Susan Lester: Stupid stuff. My best friend Jamila and I, we both like Leon. And I know, friendship first. I just wanted Becky to say it, you know?
Brass: Uh, yeah, okay. Thank you. Thank you, Susan. Grandpa Stein:Susan, would you give me a moment with the detective?
Susan: Okay.
(Susan leaves.)
Grandpa Stein:You said you found my daughter's body on the stairwell?
Brass: That's right. Grandpa Stein:You're aware that Ray's first wife, Susan's mother, was found the same way?
Brass: Well, now I am. Grandpa Stein:They said Susan's mom died of a stroke.
Brass: But you don't think so? Grandpa Stein:I never had any reason to doubt it.
Brass: So how would you, uh, how would you characterize your daughter's marriage? Grandpa Stein:Ups and downs. About a year ago, Ray's business went under. And Becky works for Western Airlines. They've been downsizing since 9/11. It's been rough.
Brass: Yeah. Mr. Stein, does your son-in-law have a temper? Grandpa Stein:Do I have to answer that?
Brass: You just did.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(Robbins goes over the findings with Grissom.)
Robbins: Becky Lester, 32. Final meal, pasta. I can't tell you the variety of the noodle, but there was a white sauce with clams. And I found some blood in her stomach. Her tongue was lacerated perimortem.
Grissom: She probably chomped down on it when she hit the stairs.
Robbins: I sent a blood sample to Tox and Nick asked for teeth impressions. Husband claims she's a biter. Fine line between pleasure and pain. But who doesn't like to cross it every once in a while, right?
(Grissom gives Robbins a look.)
Robbins: Anyway, um, I don't know if it's probative, but there's semen in her vaginal vault. Sperm motility and positive acid phosphates suggest intercourse approximately six to 12 hours prior to death.
Grissom: Yeah, I'm mostly interested in cause.
Robbins: Exsanguination from five lacerations: two to the forehead, one to the right temple, and two to the occipital bone.
Grissom: Are they consistent with a fall?
Robbins: Yes, but I'd expect to see hand fractures as a result of the impact, and there are none.
Grissom: Are they consistent with blunt force trauma?
Robbins: Sure, but if the husband bludgeoned her, there'd be fractures to the skull.
Grissom: And there are none.
Robbins: None.
Grissom: Well, you've given me a lot of information, doc, and none of it very helpful.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]
(Grissom spits out some ketchup onto a wall. He looks at the spatter, then pours more ketchup into a plastic teaspoon. He puts the ketchup in his mouth.)
(Catherine walks up to him.)
Catherine: You want fries with that?
(Grissom spits the ketchup onto the wall.)
Grissom: Robbins said the vic bit her tongue. Theoretically, she could've expirated the blood on the wall, providing an alternative explanation for the medium velocity spatter.
(He looks at her.)
Grissom: Do me a favor, check it out.
(Catherine measures the spatter.)
Catherine: Well, it looks like two millimeters--same as the blood at the scene. So, maybe it was just an accident.
(Quick flash of: Becky Lester goes to climb up the stairs. She trips, falls and hits her head against the steps.)
Grissom: (V.O.) As she tried to get up, she expirated the blood on the wall.
(She gets up and spits blood on the wall.)
Grissom: (V.O.) She failed to regain her footing, impacting her temple ...
(She falls back down, flips over and dies.)
(End of flash. Resume to present.)
Grissom: ... and then she bounced on her occipital bone.
Catherine: So we've got two theories, supported by physical evidence.
Grissom: Yeah, if we ever find a murder weapon, my theory's done.
Catherine: Well, I know that there was no blood found in the car, so it's unlikely that Ray took a drive to dispose of the weapon.
(Brass walks in carrying a file folder.)
Brass: Hey, ready for a quiz? Guess how Ray's first wife died?
Grissom: Wait. She had a stroke on a stairway. Robbins told me. Is that the autopsy report?
Brass: No, these are medical records. There was no autopsy. Jackie Lester had a heart condition. Three weeks before she died, she was admitted to a hospital with vertigo. She ignored the doctor's warnings, didn't take her medication. Family physician pronounced it a stroke.
Catherine: Well, if she wasn't cremated, it's not too late for a postmortem examination.
Brass: Judge Witherspoon is issuing a court order for exhumation. Now, look, I just came from the DA. I gotta tell you, he's already made up his mind. Husband and wife, home alone, all that blood, shaky alibi. Plus, he says, "He just looks guilty."
Grissom: How does one "look" guilty?
Brass: You know, I'm just a messenger. What do you think the chances are he didn't do it?
Catherine: Well, what do you think the chances are we're going to give you an answer before all the evidence is in?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]
(Greg walks through the hallway when Henry Andrews stops him.)
Henry Andrews: Greg ... Becky Lester had a BAL of .18. And I found trace amounts of diazepam.
Greg: Thanks!
Henry Andrews: Hey, I heard the coroner found semen, so I tested for birth control. Estrogen and progesterone levels were spiked.
Greg: Where did you hear about the coroner's findings?
Henry Andrews: Actually, I read the report. Maybe I don't want to be a toxicologist my whole life. I mean, you went from DNA to the field, and I guess you're kind of a role model to me.
Greg: A role model, huh?
Henry Andrews: Yeah. By the way, where do you get your hair cut?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Nick is examining the photos of the bite marks from Ray Lester's chest.)
(He makes a teeth print from a mold of Becky's teeth. He matches the bite marks to the mold print. They don't' match.)
(He tries to match the mold to the bite marks. Still, they don't' match.)
(Catherine walks in.)
Nick: Quick. How many teeth in the human mouth?
Catherine: Without wisdoms? 28.
Nick: Yep, and the 28 teeth in Becky's mouth do not match the bite impressions on her husband's body.
Catherine: I guess Ray found himself another set of pearly whites.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(Catherine interviews Ray Lester.)
Ray Lester: Look, I loved my wife. But, a year into our marriage, she told me that she wasn't into s*x anymore. And, uh, she went frigid on me. Asked me to move into the other bedroom.
Catherine: And you were okay with that?
Ray Lester: Well, I kept hoping things would get better. And we had fun and we respected each other. And she was a great mom to Susan.
Catherine: I'm still confused about the bite marks.
Ray Lester: I found a way to make our relationship work.
Catherine: You found yourself a vampire?
Ray Lester: I met a girl online. She liked biting. I liked being bit. It just seemed like a good match, and it never got sexual.
Catherine: Uh-huh. And, uh, what is her name?
Ray Lester: I know her as buffy227(a)gmail.com.
Catherine: And your wife never suspected anything?
Ray Lester: We'd meet at a motel ... every few weeks. I'd tell Becky that I was going out for a bite. It was consensual and it wasn't sexual. It was not cheating.
Catherine: But you never told your wife?
Ray Lester: I didn't tell Becky everything I did every minute of the day, but that doesn't mean that I was unfaithful.
Catherine: When, exactly, was the last time that you had sexual intercourse with your late wife?
Ray Lester: Four years ago. (He holds up his hand.) Rosy Palm and Thumbelina are the only action that I get.
Catherine: Uh, wow, you know, uh, a joke like that doesn't quite seem appropriate for a distraught husband.
Ray Lester: I'm just answering the questions.
Catherine: Mr. Lester, did you know that your wife was having an affair? The day that she died, she had had intercourse.
Ray Lester: Are we done here?
Catherine: For now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - A/V LAB - DAY]
(Archie and Nick are watching the monitor where a beautiful blonde woman leans forward and bites a man on the chest.)
Archie Johnson: Ow ... ooh. She's hot. But I still wouldn't let her fang me.
Nick: No, no. I'm with you. Was the video encrypted?
Archie Johnson: No. I was processing Ray's computer and it was just sitting on the desktop ... in a folder called "dental records."
Nick: Did you get an ID on Buffy?
Archie Johnson: Grissom got us an administrative subpoena. ISP sent over the subscriber information: Dr. Jeri Cohen -- aka Buffy227 -- is a dentist.
Nick: Are you kidding me?
Archie Johnson: I could not make this stuff up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARMENT - WAITING ROOM]
(Nick and Brass talk with Dr. Jeri Cohen.)
Jeri Cohen: I'm not ashamed of my predilection. Assuming both parties are healthy, biting can be orgasmic.
Nick: Huh.
Brass: Dr. Cohen, where were you last night?
Jeri Cohen: Home alone, like most nights.
Brass: Ma'am, we're here to talk about your relationship with Ray Lester.
Jeri Cohen: Well, I wouldn't call it a relationship, per se. There was no s*x, no commitment. We'd meet at a motel room, once or twice a month.
Nick: You e-mailed Ray digital video of your sessions together.
Jeri Cohen: Ray bought me that camera for, uh, my birthday. It was fun.
Brass: If you say so.
Jeri Cohen: The Kama Sutra says that any place on the body that can be kissed can also be bitten--except the upper lip, the interior of the mouth, and, of course, the eye. It also goes on to describe eight different ways to bite your partner. Ray liked "the broken cloud." Teeth ... are sexual organs.
Nick: (clears throat) Um, Dr. Cohen, did, uh ... did, uh ...
Brass: Ray.
Nick: ... Ray ever mention his wife?
Jeri Cohen: He told me he was married. It wasn't a problem for me. He said they made better friends than lovers and she was a good mother; that's about it.
Brass: Was he violent?
Jeri Cohen: Ray? No, he was nothing like that.
(Jeri Cohen undoes the top buttons on her blouse and shows them her chest - her unbitten chest.)
Jeri Cohen: See? No bite marks. I'm the aggressor. Ray just lies there and takes it. He's a real sweetheart.
(Nick picks up the mold.)
Nick: Uh, ma'am ... would you mind biting down on this for me?
(She smiles at him.)
Jeri Cohen: You know I wouldn't.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(Warrick and David Phillips are with Robbins and the coffin.)
Warrick: They don't tell you about this part of the job when you're training to become a CSI.
Robbins: Come on, after five years, at least they don't smell anymore.
David Phillips: Always with the silver lining.
Robbins: Right.
Warrick: You ready?
(David and Warrick open the coffin. Inside is a corpse.)
Warrick: Well, hello, Jackie Lester. On three.
(Warrick and David reach into the coffin.)
Warrick: One ... two ... three.
(They lift up the corpse and put it on the empty table next to them.)
(Robbins puts a hand on the corpse's head and looks at Warrick and David.)
Robbins: If you two don't mind ... we'd like some alone time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(Robbins goes over the body.)
(Various dissolves of: Robbins cuts her hair off. He shaves the head, then cuts and peels the remaining skin off. He sees something.)
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
(Warrick walks in.)
Warrick: You done with your alone time, Doc?
Robbins: Just completed my prelim, but check this out. Subgaleal hemorrhages, consistent with lacerations to the occipital bone.
Warrick: So both of Ray's wives end up dead at the bottom of the stairs with lacerations to the head.
Robbins: If my full autopsy confirms murder, you may be looking at the first serial stairway killer.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY]
(Sara and Catherine walk through the hallway.)
Sara: If there was a murder weapon, it was not in that house. We searched everywhere.
Catherine: What's in the bag?
Sara: s*x lube, found at the crime scene. Autopsy revealed that Becky was sexually active. Ray claims that they've both been celibate for the past four years.
Catherine: And you wanted to see if her lover's prints were on that bottle.
Sara: Two viable prints, both in a light coat of lube. One was Becky's and the other is an Adam Gilford. Work card is in the system. He's an executive at Western Airlines.
Catherine: Lovers and co-workers. That never works.
Sara: If Ray did find out about the affair, that's motive.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. WESTERN AIRLINES BUILING - GILFORD'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(Catherine and Sara interview Adam Gilford.)
Adam Gilford: Of course I knew Becky Lester. I'm her boss. I'm the one who hired her. Hard to believe that was six years ago. And it's such a tragedy. She was loved.
Catherine: By some more than others.
Adam Gilford: Excuse me?
Sara: Mr. Gilford, we know that the two of you were sleeping together.
Adam Gilford: Becky wasn't in love with Ray. They'd stopped having s*x. If they divorced, she'd owe him alimony, and Becky didn't think that was right.
Sara: Becky told you that?
Adam Gilford: She told me everything. She and Ray were living on vapors. They'd just taken a second on the house. She also told me that Ray was hiding money from her -- the insurance payout on his first wife. Look, if you suspect she was murdered, I can tell you why Ray did it.
Catherine: We're listening.
Adam Gilford: At Western Airlines, VP's and above receive corporate life insurance policies--quarter mil payouts. Last week, a round of pink slips went out. We both got hit. Two weeks, she would have been out of here. And the insurance policy, suspended.
Catherine: And Ray is the beneficiary.
Adam Gilford: He killed her just in time to make a killing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(Grissom's behind his desk when Ecklie walks in.)
Conrad Ecklie: DA's planning to file charges against Ray Lester -- tomorrow, after an ADA stops by the crime lab for a full briefing.
Grissom: That's too soon.
Conrad Ecklie: Tell me about the first wife.
Grissom: Preliminary investigations suggests foul play, but we've got nothing definitive until she's fully posted. And the physical evidence in Becky Lester's death is completely ambiguous.
Conrad Ecklie: The DA figures he'll make a headline while you find corroborating evidence. You think he's guilty, right?
Grissom: I don't think that yet.
(Catherine walks in.)
Catherine: Oh, um, am I interrupting?
Grissom: No.
Catherine: Brass just called with a heads up. Since when does the DA's office tell us when we're ready?
Conrad Ecklie: When the case is high profile and the DA is feeling heat from the sheriff. Look, you'll just walk him through the evidence. You won't bias your reports or skip anything ambiguous. It is what it is. If the DA wants to shoot his wad too early, we can't stop him.
Grissom: Okay.
(Ecklie leaves.)
Catherine: Sara and I may have uncovered motive. In the last two weeks, Ray filled out five loan applications--200 g's a pop. All denied. With his wife dead, he is the beneficiary of a $250,000 policy.
Grissom: Huh. I wonder what he needed the money for.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(Brass interviews Ray Lester.)
Ray Lester: I was ... being blackmailed. Um, someone found out about Buffy. I ... I got a letter and a photo in the mail. They wanted 200 grand or the ....
Brass: Otherwise, they'd share your biting secret with your wife.
Ray Lester: Yeah. Our marriage was having enough problems.
Brass: I mean, you're covered in those bite marks. Didn't your wife ever ask where they came from?
Ray Lester: She hadn't seen me naked in a long time. I just ... I would've been humiliated if she found out about Buffy. She was a great mom. And she kept ... she kept me sane when my business went under.
Brass: You still have the blackmail note?
Ray Lester: Yeah. I couldn't risk letting Becky find it. Soon as I opened that letter, it went right into my briefcase. I've got the only key.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT]
(Catherine and Sara look at the note. There are fingerprints on the front.)
Sara: (reading) "Send $200,000 to P.O. Box 4976, Searchlight, Nevada, 89431 within two weeks or I'll send photos to your wife."
Catherine: P.O. Box was through a private company, paid for in cash with a pseudonym: Abe Lincoln. Ninhydrin picked up six distinct prints. Five were matched to Ray.
Sara: What about the sixth?
Catherine: Becky Lester.
Sara: Hold on. Ray told Brass that Becky never saw that note, which means he was lying. If she read the note, then it's possible that Ray freaked out, bludgeoned her to death.
Catherine: What if Ray's telling the truth?
Sara: Well, Catherine, if he was, her fingerprints would not be on this note.
Catherine: Unless she touched the letter before it was sent, which would make her the sender.
Sara: Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Catherine: Becky thought that Ray was squirreling away money. Maybe this is her way of getting her hands on it.
Sara: She used his fetish against him?
Catherine: She blackmailed her own husband, knowing that he would pay up, so she wouldn't find out his secret.
Sara: That's ingenious. And really sad.
(Catherine laughs.)
Sara: If it's true.
Catherine: Well, if Becky's saliva's on that envelope, it's indisputable.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[CGI EFFECTS]
(Quick CGI POV of: Camera reverses out from inside a brain.)
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT]
(Robbins points to the brain on the metal tray as he explains to Warrick what happened.)
Robbins: This is a blood clot. Take a look.
(Robbins pries the brain apart to show Warrick what it looks like inside.)
Warrick: Huh. The blood's continuous.
Robbins: Comes from deep within the parenchyma. The first wife had a stroke and it was fatal.
Warrick: What about the scalp lacerations?
Robbins: Perimortem.
Warrick: So she must've hit her head on the stairs on the way down.
Robbins: Well, I can't tell you about the second wife, but this was a natural.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT]
(Greg runs an ALS over the blackmail note. He finds a watermark on the bottom.)
Sara: That's the Western Airlines logo.
Greg: Over the past few years, corporations have begun embedding their insignia into the stationery for security purposes.
(Catherine's phone rings; she answers it.)
Catherine: If Becky wrote the note, she wrote it at work. (to phone) This is Catherine. Oh, yeah. I'm on my way.
(Catherine leaves the lab.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Grissom meets with Ecklie and ADA Jeffrey Sinclair.)
Grissom: For the record, I think you're filing prematurely.
ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: As always, I value your opinion. But I'm confident in our decision to move forward. But, come on, Grissom, granted the first death was a natural -- but two dead women married to the same guy found in a stairwell? Lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice.
Grissom: Actually, it does. The Empire State Building gets struck twenty times a year.
(Sinclair looks at Ecklie, who rolls his eyes.)
Conrad Ecklie: Let's just run the case.
(Catherine rushes into the lab.)
Catherine: Sorry, I got held up.
Grissom: No, you're just in time. Ms. Willows, would you bring Mr. Sinclair up to speed?
Catherine: I'd be happy to. Ray and Becky Lester were unhappily married. She was having an affair with her boss; he was indulging his biting fetish. They were having financial problems. But Becky believed that Ray was hiding money. Two weeks ago, Ray received a blackmail note demanding 200 grand or the wife finds out about bite girl. Well, we have just confirmed that the blackmailer and the wife are one and the same.
Grissom: Based on what?
Catherine: The envelope of the ransom note. DNA was a match.
ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: The wife was blackmailing the husband?
Catherine: (chuckles) Never underestimate the deviousness of a malcontented spouse.
ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Well, he found out and he killed her.
Grissom: We don't have any evidence to support that.
ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: Run the timeline.
Grissom: Couple got home around 10:00 P.M. They went outside and had some tequila. At 10:08, Ray's daughter from his first marriage phoned. Becky went inside to take the call.
ADA Jeffrey Sinclair: How long did they talk?
Grissom: It's not in Brass's notes.
Catherine: Well, I have the phone records here, so ... uh, the call lasted ... two minutes?
Conrad Ecklie: I thought the husband told Nick it was a marathon call.
Catherine: Yeah, I'm just seeing this for the first time here. Um ... the incoming call did not come from the grandfather's house.
(Catherine turns her phone on.)
Catherine: I'm gonna call this number.
(The phone rings. An answering machine goes on.)
Ray Lester: (answering machine) You've reached the home office of Ray Lester. Please leave your details after the beep.
Catherine: Susan called her stepmother from inside the house.
Conrad Ecklie: Did anybody process that office phone?
Grissom: The office was away from the crime scene. We, uh, checked it for a murder weapon, but that's about it. I'll get an investigator over there. Unless you're in too much of a hurry.
(Grissom leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LESTER RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(Greg and Sara enter the house. They look over at the desk and see the phone.)
Greg: There it is.
(Greg snaps a photo of the phone. Sara picks the phone up and checks it. She flips it over and finds the blood on the back.)
(Camera zooms in for a close-up.)
Sara: Greg ... there's a fingerprint in blood.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT./INT. STEIN RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(Brass knocks on the door. Grandpa Stein answers it. Catherine and Brass are on the front porch.)
Grandpa Stein:Detective, what's going on?
Brass: Mr. Stein, where's Susan?
(Susan steps out from the back.)
Susan Lester: Is everything okay with Dad?
Brass: We have a warrant to search your house.
(Catherine slips inside the doorway.)
Grandpa Stein:A warrant?! What?
Brass: Would you both please step outside with this officer?
Susan Lester: Can I get my homework?
Brass: Well, uh ...
(Catherine turns and looks at Brass.)
Catherine: Sure. That'd be all right.
Susan Lester: Okay.
(Susan hurries to her room. Catherine follows her.)
(In the bedroom, Susan is closing her backpack. She turns around just as Catherine steps in the doorway.)
Catherine: I'm gonna need to see inside your backpack.
Susan Lester: It's just my books and stuff.
Catherine: I'd like to see what you're studying.
(Catherine takes the backpack from her. She puts it on the bed and opens it. Inside the backpack, Catherine finds books ... and a bloodied shirt.)
Catherine: What did you hit her with?
(Susan looks around. Catherine looks at the closet door.)
Susan Lester: I want to talk to my dad.
Brass: Why don't we take a ride downtown. You can call him from there.
(Susan leaves.)
Brass: (to Catherine) Nice work.
(Catherine puts the shirt aside. She picks up the camera and opens the closet door. She takes a photo of the shirts hanging inside.)
(She takes out her flashlight and looks around. She pushes the clothes aside and finds a cane leaning against the wall. She looks at the cane handle and puts it on the doorknob. She takes a swab and tests for blood. The swab turns pink.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(Brass interviews Susan Lester. Ms. Karpell sits next to her.)
Susan Lester: My stepmom was a bitch.
Ms. Karpell: Susan, you're not helping. Please, stay quiet.
Brass: Excuse me for a minute.
(In the observation room, Grissom and Catherine watch the interview.)
Grissom: You know, I guess this could explain why Becky's skull was lacerated and not fractured.
Catherine: She wasn't strong enough.
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
Susan Lester: I had to protect him.
Brass: Protect who, Susan?
Ms. Karpell: Susan!
Brass: Protect your father? Protect your father from what?
Susan Lester: She was gonna leave him.
Brass: So that's why you killed your stepmother--to protect your father.
Susan Lester: Last week, I skipped soccer practice and came home early.
(Quick flash of: Susan rushes up the stairs and puts her backpack in her room. She hears Becky and a man laughing.)
Becky Lester: You are so damn brilliant.
Adam Gilford: I just found the digital video and printed out the stills.
(Susan heads for Becky's bedroom and finds Becky in bed with Adam Gilford.)
Becky Lester: "Dental records." I married a moron.
(She sees them kiss.)
Adam Gilford: Did you check the P.O. Box today?
Becky Lester: Empty, but he's got another week. Ray's whipped. He brought up counseling again. The idiot would die before letting me in on his freak-ass fetish.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Susan Lester: My dad only married Becky because of me.
Brass: Explain that to me.
Susan Lester: Well, he thought I needed a mom and that's why he stayed with her.
Catherine: Blaming herself for the marriage.
Grissom: She doesn't seem to blame herself for ending it.
Brass: So you waited for your granddad to go to sleep and you snuck out of the house, snuck back into your house then you called your stepmom from your dad's telephone line. Pretty tricky. And then, you must've ... hid somewhere.
Susan Lester: I hid in the closet. I told her we had to talk and that I knew about her boyfriend.
(Quick flash of: Susan is in the closet and on the phone.)
Susan Lester: (to phone) Uh, hey, Dad. Is Becky there? Could I talk to her?
Ray Lester: (to phone) All right.
(He hands the phone to Becky.)
Ray Lester: (to Becky) It's Susan.
Becky Lester: (to phone) Hey, babe.
Susan Lester: (to phone) Just tell Dad you'll take the call inside and meet me in my room.
Becky Lester: (to phone) Okay. (to Ray) It's boy trouble. (she puts the call on hold) I'll take this inside.
(Flash to: Becky heads inside. As soon as she passes the closet and heads upstairs, Susan rushes out and uses the cane to hit her over the head.)
(Becky hits her head on the stairs. She gets up and turns around. Susan hits her again. She falls backward. Susan hits her again, blood spatters on the wall.)
(She looks at the blood on the cane handle and on her shirt.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Ms. Karpell: Are we done here?
Brass: Almost. We're almost done. You know, Susan, there was a bloody paper towel left in the trash. Can you tell me about that?
(Quick flashback to: Susan runs to the kitchen and grabs a paper towel to wipe the blood off the cane handle.)
Susan Lester: (V.O.) I went into the kitchen. Tried to clean up.
(She tosses the paper towel in the trash.)
(End of flashback.)
Susan Lester: I put the phone back in my dad's office and I walked back to Grandpa's.
Brass: Where was your father when you killed your stepmother?
Susan Lester: He was outside. Asleep.
(In the observation room, Grissom and Catherine listen.)
Grissom: Did you catch that?
Catherine: Timeline is off.
Grissom: Curious. You want to talk to the dad and I'll call the DA?
Catherine: Sure.
(Grissom leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM]
(Ray Lester waits in the waiting room with an officer. Catherine walks in.)
Catherine: You knew.
Ray Lester: What?
Catherine: Your daughter killed your wife and you knew it.
Ray Lester: I don't know what you're talking about.
Catherine: Susan attacked Becky as soon as she went into the house. But you admitted to having another drink. You would've heard the attack.
Ray Lester: I'm sorry, but that's what happ ...
Catherine: You went into the house and found Susan wiping blood off of her hands. You sent her back to her grandfather's. You came up with a story to tell the cops, and then called 911. You were protecting your daughter. And now she's protecting you.
Ray Lester: You can't prove it.
Catherine: Well, either way, you have to live with it.
(Catherine turns and leaves. She walks down the hallway. Susan Lester, Ms. Karpell and an officer exit the interview room. Catherine walks past them.) | Plan: A: The CSI team; Q: Who investigates the case of a woman found dead on a staircase? A: a woman; Q: Who was found dead on the staircase of her suburban home? A: Suspicion; Q: What quickly falls on the victim's husband? A: the blood-spattered evidence; Q: What tells a complicated story? Summary: The CSI team investigates the case of a woman found dead on the staircase of her suburban home. Suspicion quickly falls on the victim's husband, but the blood-spattered evidence tells a complicated story. |
3x12: Six Days (Part 2)
(Meredith and Derek are in bed again. She's snoring...again He's buried his head under a pillow. The alarm is going off.)
Derek: Ah, just shut it off please?
Meredith: Could you not snap at me?
Derek: I didn't sleep much.
Meredith: Maybe it's because you were too busy shoving me every five minutes.
Derek: I wasn't shoving you. I was nudging you to stop the very loud sawing of wood.
Meredith: I wore the nose strip.
Derek: It's cute but it doesn't work
Meredith: Ow.
Derek: What?
Meredith: You need to shave.
(George and Izzie are in the kitchen)
George: Izzie uh...the, the...the...the check. It's not
(He looks around, drops to the floor searching)
George: It's not...did you drop it? It's not here! Izzie, it's not here.
Izzie: I deposited it ok?
George: You didn't deposit it in the garbage disposal or something like that did you?
Izzie: It's at the bank. Ok, George? Now just shut up about it already?
George: It's at the bank? It's earning interest?
Izzie: Did I not just say shut up about it already?
George: Izzie, it's real now. That money...that money could travel, it could buy things. It could buy many, many things. It a...that's a lot of money Izzie.
Izzie: Shut up about it George.
George: I'm just saying...life is short. Cancer happens. And surgery happens. You know just..."gather ye rosebuds" You have 8.7 million rosebuds Izzie. You gotta spend some rosebuds. That's what I'm saying.
(Izzie looks down to her skillet)
Izzie: You made me burn my French toast.
George: You can buy new French toast!
(Seattle scenes, Addison is on the ferry)
(Addison sees Mark walking in her direction, and turns around only to run into Alex)
Addison: Oh.
Alex: Hey...I was...the baby's...
Addison: Good. Yeah, she's good.
Alex: Good that's...
(Thatcher walks up)
Thatcher: Doctors.
Addison: Yes.
Thatcher: I was wondering, the baby looks...
Addison and Alex: Good.
Alex: She's good.
Addison: She is good.
Thatcher: She's good? She's out of the woods?
Addison: She is. She's out of the woods. Her vitals are strong. She made it through the night. And she's a fighter.
Thatcher: So I can tell my wife and my daughter?
Addison: You can. And you should.
Thatcher: Thank you. Thank you both so much!
(He runs off to tell his family, and Addison and Alex try to walk away but keep moving in front of each other.)
Alex: Sorry.
(Thatcher is on the phone in the waiting room)
Thatcher: Yeah. She's out of the woods. No...
(Meredith Izzie and Christina watch)
Meredith: How am I related to that man?
Cristina: What do you mean?
Meredith: I mean, look at him. He's a mess. (He swings his arm to hard and spills coffee everywhere) I mean he's a disaster. A stammering, mumbling, clumsy disaster with whom I have absolutely nothing in common. Not one thing.
Izzie: I hate to break this to you but...
Meredith: What?
Cristina: You do your own share of stammering yourself.
Izzie: Yeah, that nervous talking thing you do, it's actually a lot like him.
Meredith: No it's not.
Cristina: Plus that messy thing.
Izzie: Totally.
Meredith: You're the messy one.
Cristina: My apartment is messy, my locker is messy, but I am not messy. Sometimes you have like...food and stuff in your hair.
Izzie: Yeah food. Band-Aids on your face. I can still kind of see that indentation from that nose strip you were wearing last night.
Meredith: You are in a relationship with no words. And you are a millionaire in $20 shoes. Whatever.
(Meredith walks away)
Cristina: Oh my god, she's just like him.
Izzie: Right?
Cristina: Wow.
(Izzie gets paged to Heather Douglas' room)
Izzie; Dr. Bailey you paged me?
Bailey: Yes I did.
Derek: We're going to proceed with Heather's surgery as scheduled.
Izzie: The insurance guys change their mind?
Mrs. Douglas: No even better.
Bailey: It seems an anonymous donor has offered to foot the entire bill.
Izzie: Wow, that is incredible. You're a very lucky girl.
Heather: Hey, that's the first time anyone has ever said that sentence to me in my entire life. I like it.
(Bailey stares at Izzie, she knows Izzie paid for it, and drags her outside.)
Bailey: You spent 300 grand so you could scrub in on this surgery?
Izzie: No.
Bailey: No?
Izzie: I spent the 3...have you seen that girl? Her life is miserable. She's desperate. She'll never have a date. She'll never wear high heels. She'll never feel normal. I spent 300 grand because...it's a good thing.
Bailey: I was hoping you would tell me you spent the money so you could scrub in.
Izzie: But I...
Bailey: You need to decide whether or not you're a surgeon. Because this thing you did...this is lovely and generous, and I'm not trying to take away from any of that. But, you are once again...you are overly involved. Once again you are personally involved. So...no I'm sorry. You cannot scrub in.
(Seattle Scenes)
(Callie is at a table in the cafeteria talking to Addison)
Callie: George kissed me. Yesterday. One minute he was holding a urine bag, the next minute he's kissing me. Do you think he's just freaking out about his dad? Yeah, you're right. He's probably just freaking out. I shouldn't hold him to it.
Addison: (who's staring off into space) What?
Callie: Did you not just hear a word I said? I'm pouring my heart out here. Jeez it's all about you. It's all about...Everything's about Addison.
Addison: I aborted Mark's baby.
Callie: It is all about you. Floor is all yours.
Addison: About 8 months ago I peed on a stick. And I wasn't even going to tell him. But then I did...tell him. And he went out and he bought this insane Yankees onesie. And a calendar and marked the due date. Which I should mention was today.
Callie: You didn't want a baby?
Addison: I wanted Derek. I wanted to have a baby with Derek. I never thought I'd end up alone.
Callie: You have not "ended up" anywhere.
Addison: You're right. I know. I just...sometimes it feels that way you know. This is one of those weeks it feels that way.
(Heather's OR)
Derek: Drill. Another screw please.
(In the gallery)
Alex: Hey, how's your old man?
George: His urine output's holding steady. Which is good.
Cristina: Have you seen Burke today?
George: Even if I did like you I still wouldn't tell you that.
Izzie: How can you be ok with Burke but not Cristina?
George: Her career wasn't on the line when she lied to me.
Meredith: Why don't you just ask Burke about the hand yourself?
Cristina: I'm not talking to him. He owes me.
Meredith: What?
Cristina: Oh I don't know.
Alex: So you're together but you don't talk to each other. Wish I could find that in a woman.
Meredith: Hey how's it going with Addison?
Alex: What? Why would you...what do you mean by that?
Meredith: Laura Grey. Tiny baby.
Alex: Oh Laura. Right. She's doing fine. She's doing well. I gotta get out of gynie though. I gotta get back to Sloan.
Christina: What are you plotting and can I get in on it?
Alex: Shut up.
(Alex leaves)
Izzie: This is my surgery. I should be down there.
(George's pager goes off)
George: No. Excuse me.
(Meredith's pager goes off)
Meredith: Mr. O'Malley.
Cristina: 911?
Meredith: Yeah.
Izzie: Sucks.
(Callie notices from inside the OR)
Derek: Give me the retractor.
Callie: Uh Dr. Shepherd could you proceed without me?
Derek: Are you kidding me? This is your surgery Torres. This is your find. You want to leave?
Callie: I don't. But yes. I'm sorry. If it's all right I need to leave.
Derek: Give me some sponges please.
(Bailey is at a table with George's family)
Bailey: Ok I called the family in because I need to do a procedure on your father to help him breathe.
Ronny: So you're saying he can't breathe?
Bailey: With the extensive surgery, your father is not breathing on his own. Which is why we still have him intubated.
Jerry: Intubated?
George: The tube in dad's mouth it's breathing for him.
Bailey: And right now that tube has a kink in it, which is straining his breathing.
Louise: How did it get a kink in it?
George: It just happens, we don't always know why.
Ronny: But he's doing good today. I mean, he made plenty of pee so...
Bailey: Still, we need to replace the tube.
Ronny: So, why don't you just do it? I mean what are we waiting for?
Bailey: Ok, with the damage to your father's esophagus and the swelling in his throat from being intubated all this time...
George: You might not be able to get it in? The new tube?
Bailey: Under these circumstances it can be a complicated procedure. If I'm not successful...I'm saying you need to prepare yourselves.
(They stand in a line outside his room: The brothers, Mrs. O'Malley, George and Callie. Ronny starts sniffing and grunts. Soon everyone else looks up.)
Louise: What is that?
Ronny: It's Jerry.
Jerry: I'm sorry. I'm nervous.
(They all cover their noses)
Jerry: I'm nervous (He passes gas and they all erupt in laughter and George leans into Callie, embarrassed but needing her support)
(Cristina enters Burke's room)
Cristina: Tyler.
Tyler: Yeah.
Cristina: Could you let Dr. Burke know that Mr. O'Malley is having some sort of medical crisis right now and I thought he would like to know.
Tyler: He's awake you know.
Cristina: Yeah I know.
(Room where Bailey is changing Harold's tube)
Bailey: You want to handle this Chief?
Richard: Dr. Bailey you have a lot more hands on hours these days than I do. I'll be standing by to help but this is all yours.
Bailey: All right Grey let me have 80ET...
Richard: Dr. Bailey, this is a patient. Just like any other patient. There's no room for error, which means there's no room for nerves.
Bailey: All right let's do this. 8 O. I can't...I can't...
Meredith: Is it too tight?
Bailey: I can't get it past the vocal cords. Damn it.
Richard: Pulse ox down to 88. Let's go.
Bailey: Let me have a 7.5.
Richard: Come on.
Bailey: Ok I got it.
Richard: Beautiful job. Beautiful job.
Meredith: Can I go tell George? (Bailey nods)
Richard: Dr. Bailey you alright?
Bailey: My son is named after his son. I just need a minute.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Meredith and Derek in bed again. Another sleepless night.)
Derek: There's a surgery you now. It's a minor laser thing. Supposed to really help. We could look into it.
Meredith: Sure and while we're at it lets look at halitosis cure for you. Not to mention stubble cures. Because it's now become physically impossible for me to kiss your face.
Derek: I'm too tired to shave.
(Seattle scenes)
Alex: Sloan. Dr. Sloan. Bone dry cappuccino. I watched them make it this time so no mistakes. Hey I noticed you have a reconstructive rhinoplasty on the board today and I'd really like to scrub in if at all possible.
Mark: You been working with Addison this week?
Alex: Yes sir. Working. Working a lot. Real hard. Working.
Mark: Is she miserable?
Alex: I'm sorry?
Mark: It's just...I need to know if she's at least miserable this week. Did she seem...is she miserable?
Alex: Oh dude. She's awful. She's torturing me. I seriously have to get away from that woman. She is completely and utterly 100% miserable.
Mark: Good.
Alex: So can I scrub in?
Mark: No.
(Cristina and Meredith are in the on-call room)
Cristina: Are you sleeping?
Meredith: I should be. I haven't slept in days.
Cristina: Me either. I can't sleep alone any more. I used to sleep just fine then he...he gets me all strung out on him and then he disappears?
Meredith: He didn't disappear. He's in the hospital.
Cristina: I just want to know how he's doing.
Meredith: You could just ask him.
Cristina: He could just tell me.
Meredith: George's dad is going into renal failure.
Cristina: I heard.
Meredith: My dad's here everywhere, every day. He's perfectly healthy and I have nothing to say to him. If George's dad dies...
Cristina: I know.
Meredith: If Thatcher died my life wouldn't be any different. Is it weird that I'm a little jealous of George?
Cristina: Yes.
(George is in Burke's room)
George: Bailey re-intubated him but...he was without oxygen for I don't know ...few minutes?
Burke: O'Malley...there's no blame here. Your father's body is diseased and has undergone tremendous trauma. Now his organs are shutting down. There's no blame here.
George: Do people come back from this? His BUN and creatine are high. I get that. I was just wondering, in your experience, can people come back from this?
Burke: I don't have any statistics. I don't have any more medicine for you. Now it's about faith.
George: We're men of science.
Burke: In my experience, science is not enough O'Malley. But if you want me to hope with you. If you'd like me to send up a prayer, that is a thing I'd be happy to do.
(Louise is in the waiting room with Heather's mom)
Louise: You have family here?
Mrs. Douglas: Yeah, a daughter. She's 17.
Louise: Oh I'm so sorry.
Mrs. Douglas: Yeah, she had surgery on her spine. They said it went well. But then she has trouble with her kidneys so...well she hasn't woken up.
Louise: My husband either.
Mrs. Douglas: It was a dangerous surgery. They told us that.
Louise: My husband's too. He has cancer so...I was surprised when they went through with it. I thought I'd be taking him home.
(George has a realization. Izzie enters)
Izzie: Mrs. Douglas, Heather is asking for you.
Louise: She woke up?
Izzie: She did. And she looks great.
Louise: Congratulations. It's wonderful.
Mrs. Douglas: Good luck. I'll...good luck.
Louise: Thanks.
(George walks to the nurse's station where Bailey and Richard are)
George: Why did you do it?
Richard: Dr. O'Malley.
George: Why did you do it once you saw the cancer had spread?
Bailey: George...
George: He asked you right? He asked you to do it no matter what?
Richard: We have to honor our patient's wishes.
George: You said you would be straight with me. He could have lived for weeks or months. We could have had months with him. My mom...she could have had months with him.
Richard: He wanted a chance to fight the cancer George. It was his choice.
George: He didn't know any better! You knew better! You shouldn't have done it. You shouldn't have done it!
(Seattle scenes)
(Addison enters the office where Mark is)
Addison: Oh my god, look at you.
Mark: I'm miserable.
Addison: It's the rain. The constant dampness in the air. It takes the body a while to adjust to it.
Mark: I don't want to adjust.
Addison: Then go home.
Mark: If you had the baby, we'd be together in New York right now and it wouldn't be raining. And even if it was, we wouldn't care because we'd be together. We'd be together and I would have a family instead of walking pneumonia and an ex-best friend who hates me.
Addison: You didn't want to raise a child Mark. You wanted to trump Derek. You wanted to win.
Mark: Don't make this my fault. You didn't want a baby.
Addison: No I did want a baby Mark. That last woman you slept with before I left New York...Charlene, the PEDS nurse? Did you think that she was the only one I knew about? You're re-writing history Mark. We wouldn't still be together. We weren't a great couple and you would have made a terrible father Mark. I did want a baby, I did. I just didn't want one with you.
(Christina brings lunch on a tray to Burke. He smiles at the gesture but then she backs away. No food unless he talks first. He pushes his "panic" button to call a nurse.)
Nurse: Is that his lunch? I've been looking everywhere for that.
Cristina: No he can't have that.
Nurse: What?
Cristina: He's restricted from food.
Nurse: No he's not.
Cristina: I'm his doctor.
Nurse: You are not.
Cristina: I just want to know how he is.
Burke: And withholding food gets her that how?
Cristina: Fine. Feed him. Whatever.
Nurse: You want me to call security?
(Alex enters the NICU where Addison is checking on Laura)
Alex: Hey.
Addison: Hey. Haven't seen you the last couple of days.
Alex: Yeah, I was covering the pit. I got pulled into an emergency appy and a ruptured spleen. Pretty chaotic.
Addison: Look Karev, I'm your attending. I'm sorry about what happened. It's been a weird week for me. So, um, normally...anyway...I apologize.
Alex: The baby's bowels functioning yet?
Addison: Actually yeah. She had her first diaper change today.
Alex: That's good.
Addison: Yeah it is.
(Seattle scenes)
(George is shaving his dad's face)
George: That neighbor kid? Mike Wilden? I did hit him in the face with a stick. And when his dad came over and he was yelling, and you asked me if it was true...I lied. And you thought I'd never lied. So you took my side. And you and his dad got in this big fight. And then his kids egged our house, and then Ronny and Jerry went over and blew up his lawn mower. Anyway...I did it. He was teasing me and he was bigger than me so I needed a stick to reach his face. And I lied to you dad. So...I'm saying I'm sorry. Dad...if you have any more fight in you...if you could fight this thing just...just a little harder that would be good. That'd be good right now.
(Meredith enters the kitchen where Izzie is)
Izzie: Where's Derek?
Meredith: He slept at his place. Do I really snore?
Izzie: I grew up next to a freeway so it really doesn't bother me but yeah...you do.
Meredith: Did you get any sleep last night?
Izzie: No. I stayed up baking and cleaning the bathroom floor in case George wants to lay down on it. It's weird, I have all this money. And I would spend every penny of it to save George from what he's about to go through. But I can't. It's useless. So I made cobbler.
Meredith: Cobbler's good.
Izzie: Yeah.
(Seattle scenes)
(Callie walks up to a nurse's station where Mark is. She gives him a knowing look)
Mark: She told you.
Callie: Uh yeah.
Mark: You think I'd be a terrible father?
Callie: Oh I don't...I don't...are you...ok do you like kids?
Mark: I don't know. Depends on how loud they are.
Callie: Ok. Do you like your family? I mean, are you a family kind of guy?
Mark: I don't really have a family. Derek was my family.
Callie: Ok. Well, what about birthdays and anniversaries? Do you remember those kinds of things?
Mark: No. I don't know. Sometimes. Isn't it the same with all men.
Callie: No. Some men just like kids. To some men, family's everything.
Mark: Right, and you know these men?
Callie: I do. I know one.
Mark: I would've made a terrible father.
(Conference room)
Louise: You're saying...it's not getting better. You're saying he's not going to wake up.
Richard: Mrs. O'Malley, all of his organs are shutting down. His liver and his kidneys are no longer supporting him. And he is entirely dependant upon his life support machine.
Bailey: We are saying he is not going to wake up. You can keep him on life support and wait for nature to take its course. That could take days or weeks. Or you can take him off life support.
Louise: Unplug him?
Bailey: Yes Ma'am.
Jerry: Georgie?
George: Yeah?
Jerry: What do you think?
George: Dad's in pain. His organs are shutting down. He can't breathe on his own. It's painful. And he's on medication but...medication can only do so much.
Louise: You think...you're saying...you think it's time...to let him go?
Bailey: We can't tell you what to do here George.
George: He's not dad like this. And he's not going to wake up Mom.
(They all break down crying, Bailey, Meredith and Richard are saddened as well)
(Seattle scenes)
(Meredith walks into the NICU where Thatcher is)
Meredith: Is there a drawer of unopened cards somewhere?
Thatcher: I'm sorry, what?
Meredith: I just wanted to know. I've only ever heard my mother's version of the story of why you left. I'm just wondering if maybe you have a side that I haven't heard.
Thatcher: Your mother moved to Boston and...I wanted to...but she told me not to call or come around...she was...eventually I remarried and I...I'm sorry.
Meredith: Do you snore?
Thatcher: What?
Meredith: It appears that I snore. My mother never did so I was just...forget it.
Thatcher: I snore. I snore like a trucker. You get that from me. The wax earplugs work pretty good.
Meredith: Thanks.
(Derek enters Burke's room, Cristina is sitting there)
Derek: Hey.
Burke: Derek. I was waiting on an update on Mr. O'Malley. I didn't want to intrude, but do you have an update?
Derek: They're letting him go.
(He looks at Cristina)
Burke: Haven't had any more tremors. Not one all week.
Derek: How about that?
Burke: Yeah. How about that.
(Bailey removes Mr. O'Malley's tube. The family says goodbye. The interns stand outside. George leaves the room and everyone looks at him sadly. The interns go off their separate directions.)
(Heather is up and walking using a walker. Izzie sees her and they smile at each other.)
(Izzie walks up to Bailey in the hallway)
Izzie: I'm both.
Bailey: What?
Izzie: I'm both. I'm a surgeon. And I'm a person who becomes emotionally involved. I will never again cross the line like I did with Denny. I learned my lesson. But I'm still both. And I'm not gonna give up either part of me. And I'm not going to apologize for it.
(Bailey nods but says nothing. Izzie leaves and Bailey starts crying.)
(Cristina is outside of the hospital with George)
Christina: There's a club...the dead dad's club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try and understand...you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss...my dad died when I was 9. George...I'm really sorry you had to join the club.
George: I...I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't.
Christina: Yeah, that never really changes.
(Seattle scenes)
(Joe's bar)
Alex: Beer, Joe. Please
Joe: George's dad?
(Alex nods no.)
Addison: Hey.
Alex: Hey.
Addison: You got a dad?
Alex: Not really. Not any more.
(Addison leans in and kisses him)
(Meredith is asleep and snoring. Derek comes in and finds wax earplugs on his pillow. He puts them in his ears and he can't hear anything. Finally, he and Meredith can sleep together peacefully) | Plan: A: George; Q: Who learns about the procedure that Webber and Bailey performed on his father? A: a worsening; Q: What happened to Harold's condition after the procedure? A: a difficult decision; Q: What do the O'Malley family face regarding Harold's inability to breathe on his own? A: life support; Q: What must Harold be taken off of? A: Meredith; Q: Who finally talks to her father? A: her father; Q: Who does Meredith finally talk to about her snoring? A: her snoring; Q: What does Meredith and Derek argue over? A: tension; Q: What leads to Alex and Addison kissing? A: Addison; Q: Who confesses to Callie that she got pregnant with Mark's son but aborted him? A: a good father; Q: What did Addison think Mark could never be? A: the status; Q: What does Burke let Cristina know about Harold's condition? A: the girl's surgery; Q: What is Izzie barred from after Bailey finds out that she paid for the operation? A: her respect; Q: What does Izzie win from Bailey after she pays for the girl's surgery? A: the money; Q: What did Izzie donate to the girl's surgery that saved her life? A: Izzie's generous donation; Q: What helped the girl begin a new life as a normal child? Summary: George learns about the procedure that Webber and Bailey performed on his father which ultimately leads to a worsening of his condition. The O'Malley family now have to face a difficult decision regarding Harold's inability to breathe on his own. They must take him off life support. Meredith finally talks to her father and realizes that her snoring is one of the many things they have in common, despite her inability to admit it. Meredith and Derek continue to argue over her snoring, but the situation is resolved following Meredith's talk with her dad. There's tension between Alex and Addison that eventually leads to them kissing. Addison confesses to Callie that she got pregnant with Mark's son but aborted him after realizing that Mark could never be a good father. Burke lets Cristina know about the status of his condition, but the pair still refuse to talk to each other. Izzie is barred from the girl's surgery after Bailey finds out that she paid for the operation, but she ultimately wins her respect after realizing that without the money the girl could have never been saved. The girl begins a new life as a normal child thanks to Izzie's generous donation. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
I overheard every word of that conversation between you and Crowder, and I want that money.
Dickie: How am I gonna get my hands on that money, you think, while I am inside here? Nap time's over, gimpy.
Dickie: There you go.
Dewey: What the hell, man?
Dickie: You're free, brother.
Dewey: Free where? Where the hell am I?
Dickie: You're out of Tramble.
Dewey: Awesome! If things go well.
Raylan: How you doing, Ash? Let's go.
Raylan: You know where they're going? I don't know what you're talking about.
Raylan: So hard to get cellphone service in these holler roads. Fine! But you got to promise me that no matter how weird this thing gets, you say I cooperated. See, Tanner's kind of like my talent scout, and from what I've heard, you have been pushed to a second-tier position at an enterprise that's going nowhere fast.
Devil: You saying you got something better?
Boyd: Devil, whatever led you to believe that you could pull this off?
[ Gun cocks ]
Devil: Wait! Wait!
Dickie: There's supposed to be $3 million in here, Limehouse.
Look, it's all spent except what you see right there.
Dickie: I believe the terms of the deal are I receive the money, and then we are through.
Dickie: Then you take it back. I do not accept this. If things are going to plan, we would've heard by now, so now we got to do the other thing.
Dewey: Come on! No! Shh! Hey, before you get in the car, I may have a way for us to make some more money. What if he finds out? What if who finds out about what? What if Dickie Bennett finds out you lied when you told him this here was all that was left of his mama's money? Well, about the only way I can see him finding out about this here is if someone was to tell him. I ain't the only one who knows. He does find out, you know he'll come looking for it. Mm-hmm. Be no stopping him. Oh, I'll stop him. Besides, I hear they fittin' to send him back to Tramble. Inside or out, $3 million buy a lot of friends. Well, anybody comes, we gonna stop them. How it's always been. And why you asking questions? You think I ain't taking care of business? No, sir, Mr. Limehouse. Just think we should get us a couple Tramble brothers to shiv his ass. No. That ain't the agreement I made with his mama. I don't know your agreement with his mama. Boy, what is you really asking? Where that $3 million is? No, sir. So, you lay your head down at night, and you dream about all the living you could do with that money? Boy, that dream will get you killed quicker than a bullet. Now, you know what you need to know. And it wasn't no $3 million. Not near. Now, you get that put away. I'm gonna go check this smoker here.
Boyd: [ Grunting ]
Arlo: Don't know why we're out here freezing our asses off instead of just tossing this traitor in a slurry pond.
Boyd: Devil was a friend before he became a traitor.
Arlo: You remember what your daddy used to say?
Boyd: "Once you make up your mind to kill a man, there ain't nothing left to talk about."
[ Grunts ]
Arlo: Thinking about it only makes it harder.
Boyd: Well, maybe it should be harder.
Arlo: That kind of attitude might make a man blink when the moment comes.
Boyd: Did I blink?
[ Truck door opens ]
Arlo, there's no need to rob the bodies of the dead.
Arlo: Thought we weren't robbing the dead.
[ Cellphone beeping ]
Boyd: This is devil's last gift to us.
We return to the great unknown a man with a belly full of the fruit of temptation. May his entrance into that world be more painless than his exit from this one.
[ Thump ]
Raylan: [ Sighs ]
I'm sorry. I was trying not to wake you.
Winona: I was up.
Raylan: Doing what?
Winona: You know... Packing, making lists. Looks smaller, doesn't it?
Raylan: Yeah, well, they always do, empty.
Winona: [ Sighs ] You remember the first time you stepped foot in this house? You came in in the dark that night, too.
Raylan: I came in through the garden door.
Winona: Poor Gary. Scared him half to death.
Raylan: I apologized for that.
Winona: I remember coming down these stairs and seeing you in the kitchen and... Knowing that my marriage to Gary was over.
Raylan: I thought you'd be angry, me coming home at 2:00 A.M.
Winona: Do you want a beer?
Raylan: Seriously. You're seven weeks' pregnant, ready to move. I haven't done anything to line up a place for us. I'm just out there running and gunning...
Winona: All right. You've convinced me. I'm angry. I'm still not gonna fight with you. I'm done trying to change who you are. And I'm... I'm done pretending that I could ever feel about anyone else the way I feel about you.
Raylan: That may be the sweetest thing you ever said to me.
Winona: Want a beer or not?
[ Sighs ]
Come on. Wake up. Come on. Wake up, shitbird. Morning. Relax, relax, relax, relax, Relax. Look, we don't have a lot of time. Well, actually, you don't have a lot of time.
[ Sighs ]
You ever see that movie where the evil, spic-a-roo surgeon snatches up the pretty gringo tourists and cuts out all their organs, sells them off to rich folks who want to skip the transplant line? Well, it turns out that's... That's pretty much all bullshit.
Dewey: Jesus. What did you do to me? Most organs... your heart, your lungs... won't stay viable if removed outside of a hospital setting. Kidneys, though [Chuckles] You can take a healthy kidney, put it on ice for two full days. Reinstall it, and that baby goes back to work without ever missing a beat. Now, there are people all over the world that are just chomping at the bit to pay, $20,000, sometimes 30 grand for a new pair of kidneys, and they don't give two sh1ts where they came from.
Dewey: Y-you can't take my kidneys. I already have. Now, like I said, your kidneys will do just fine for a while without you. Unfortunately, you can't last long without them. Poisons are gonna begin to build up in your blood. It's gonna make your skin change color. It's gonna feel like someone reached inside of your guts and literally just started twisting. Eventually, you're gonna start puking blood. Your body's gonna go into convulsions, and then your muscles are gonna seize up so hard that your bones will actually break.
Dewey: Well, how do I stop it? You could go to the hospital. Although, seeing as you're a fugitive, that means you're gonna have to spend the rest of your life getting dialysis treatments in a prison infirmary. Or you can buy them back from me.
Dewey: I don't have any money. I suggest you find some. Let's say 20 grand. You have...
[ Beep ]
Four hours to be at this address.
Dewey: [ Panting ] Now, Dewey, if you're late, if you don't have the cash, if you bring the cops, then I'm gonna sell your kidneys to a businessman I already have lined up in Chicago.
[ Tires screech ]
Dewey: Get out of the car.
Now!
♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy♪
♪ you try to bogard ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times ♪ to come ♪
Raylan: You sure it was Dewey?
Rachel: First car on the scene showed him the fugitive print-out. That's why they called us.
Raylan: What about fancy Lance?
Rachel: You okay?
Raylan: Yeah. Why?
Rachel: When's the last time you slept?
Raylan: Well, I was sleeping like a baby till you called. Lance the prison nurse?
Rachel: Yeah. I thought Dickie said Dewey was his hostage.
Raylan: Oh, you're saying Dickie might be full of sh1t?
Rachel: Or Dewey gave Lance the slip.
Raylan: They say which way he was coming from? You really think a male nurse gonna go "butch and Sundance" in a motel room?
Raylan: Just butch.
Rachel: He's a prison nurse. What's that mean?
Rachel: Means he might know enough law to realize he's looking at felony murder for his two dead partners. You, uh, want us to use a ram?
Raylan: Or... Lance, you in there? Looks like we get to use the ram after all.
Raylan: You're just dying to smash something, aren't you? Did any of the witnesses of the carjacking say Dewey was covered in blood? Perhaps a little pale?
Rachel: Looks like somebody's been killing chickens in here. Maybe your boy Crowe got the drop on him and it's the nurse's blood.
Raylan: Dewey ain't the "get the drop on anyone" type.
Rachel: More like the "running around with his head cut off" type. Oh, my God.
Dewey: Open the register. Okay.
Dewey: Move it! Okay.
Dewey: Don't make me hurt you. Come on!
[ Cash register dings ]
Where's the rest of it? Rest of what?
Dewey: You heard me, man. I just need the register. Now, I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to. Where's the rest of the cash? I swear all the cash is in the register.
Dewey: There's like 200 bucks! All this expensive sh1t you got here, there's only 200 bucks? I'd barely get a blender with that! Mostly our customers just use credit cards. The receipts a-are in the drawer. Just... just take something, anything in the store, and... And... and sell it on ebay.
Dewey: I don't have time for that. I need cash. Where do people use cash?!
[ Whimpers ]
Rachel: He took $229 from the register, left 50-some-thousand-dollars' worth of merchandise behind?
Raylan: Well, he never was the sharpest apple in the city.
Rachel: Why did he take so long to start traveling?
I mean, he could have driven all day yesterday while we were busy chasing Dickie.
Raylan: Could have robbed a mattress store in El Paso this morning before crossing the damn border.
Rachel: Hmm.
Raylan: Well, maybe Lawrence nightingale really di take him prisoner. Get it? Lawrence...instead of Florence. Lawrence nightingale.
Rachel: Yeah. I got it.
Dewey: Oh, Jesus. Not again. Don't tell me guys pay you by credit card. I saw some girl on TV say she could make 3,000 bucks in one night on the pole. Now, granted, she was a 91/2 and you're a 6 if I'm feeling generous, but I figured you'd be good for a grand or so. It's 10:00 in the morning. Lexington ain't hardly Vegas.
Dewey: You think I don't know that? It's not too late for you, son.
Dewey: It's getting there. Guy said I had maybe six hours before my skin would start turning color. First step is admit you need help.
Dewey: I need money. Son, drugs are a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
Dewey: You think I'm a tweaker? Learned not to label others lest I be labeled.
Dewey: Man, you don't know sh1t. Do you know you're bleeding?
[ Grunts ]
Dewey: [ Grunting ]
N-now, hold on!
Dewey: You think this is a joke?! I told him! I told all of you! I'm a desperate man!
Raylan: "Desperate man," huh? That's what he said. He really bust out of Tramble?
Rachel: He had help. That where he got the transplant?
Raylan: I'm sorry? The kidneys? The cuts on his stomach.
Raylan: He told you they were from a transplant? No, but when my aunt had her kidneys swapped out for a new set from this kid who drowned, she had cuts in the same places. Guy matching Crowe's description just knocked over a fluff 'n' fold.
Rachel: I don't see what good we're doing just trailing after his mayhem.
Raylan: You stick with Dewey. I'm headed to tyree medical, pay a visit to Mr. Ash Murphy.
Rachel: The prison guard? What makes you think he knows anything?
Raylan: He said things might get weird. I'd say this qualifies.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Door opens ]
Ava: You never came home.
Boyd: I just need a little time.
Ava: You regret killing him?
Boyd: I regret that he made it necessary.
Ava: I want to show you something.
Still hurts like hell sometimes.
Boyd: Dickie Bennett's gonna pay for that.
Ava: Let me see yours. We didn't get these working down a mine or putting a car in a ditch. This is the price we pay for the life we live.
Boyd: I chose this life, Ava.
Ava: So did I. And whatever you decide, I'm in it, same as you.
Boyd: This, uh, fella that put these ideas into devil's head... a fella name of Tanner... I got to decide what to do about him. Now, Tanner himself, he ain't so much, but the people he works for, well, if they decide to come in force... I don't know that we're gonna be equal to it.
Ava: I don't believe that.
[ Groans ]
What the hell do you want?
Raylan: Is that any way to greet the man who saved your life? You ran me over. Twice.
Raylan: Saved me from having to shoot you. Do you not remember drawing down on a federal officer? You did not have to do it a second time.
Raylan: You still had the gun in your hand. Whatever.
Raylan: Okay. You know what? Instead of a "thank you," just tell me what you meant when you said things might get weird. You really expect me to help you? I know that junior and Coombs got popped, which means I'm on the hook for felony murder, right? Which is a double life sentence.
[ Chuckles ]
You really expect me to believe that you're gonna be able to cut me a deal?
Raylan: What is this? Morphine? Yeah.
Raylan: You give it to yourself, what's to stop you from OD'ing? Well, if you hit it too many times, it locks itself out for a bit. Come on.
Raylan: What do you know about kidneys? They're the Cadillac of beans. Come on. Ohh! sh1t! sh1t's starting to wear off. Come on, come on, come on.
[ Whimpers ]
Raylan: Ash, you been futzing with men's organs?
[ Whimpers ]
S-shit. It was... it was Lance. He was gonna strip them for parts. He said that we'd get 50 grand easy just for livers and kidneys alone. He'd been doing it with bodies at the Tramble morgue. It wasn't me. It was him. His idea.
Raylan: What I want to know now is who was doing the cutting? I don't know. Excuse me. I thought I made myself clear to the other detectives. He... he won't give me my morphine. He hit me with his car. He... he... I told him everything that I know, and I...
[ Morphine pump beeps ]
Raylan: Deputy U.S. marshal, ma'am.
Well, whoever you are, this man is my patient.
Raylan: Well, he's my prisoner. Don't worry about that. The machine cuts him off from OD'ing. I'm sorry. What is so important that you would treat him that way?
Raylan: Do you know what he is, your patient? Well, I know it's not supposed to matter. Not to you, either, I believe.
Raylan: You know, I got a question. It's a medical one. Say you took both a guy's kidneys, then you closed him up. If you're taking out both his kidneys, there's no reason to close.
Raylan: Say you did. You made the two incisions. You wouldn't have to make incisions 'cause you take the heart and the lungs first, and you go in for the rest once the guy's open.
Raylan: No, I'm not talking about a cadaver or brain dead. Oh, you're talking about a healthy subject who's just decided to donate both his kidneys?
Raylan: Well, say he didn't decide it... it was decided for him. In a motel room. You ever hear of something like that? [ Scoffs ] I've heard of bigfoot, too.
Raylan: Yeah, well, he's not my problem. You're crazy.
Raylan: What? A surgeon can't go broke out Keenely and and get in debt to a shylock? They bet playing golf.
Raylan: Yeah? You know any of them bets more than he can afford? Well, my money would be on Dr. Boisineau, but that may just be wishful thinking.
Raylan: Boisineau, huh? He's this young guy. Always comes out of the O.R. Thinking he's God, saving lives. He thinks we should reward him. He thinks that a nurse's job is to slap instruments in his hand and then go to bed with him.
Raylan: [ Chuckles ] He'll say, "hey, come on, I got a room set aside. We can make it a quickie or do the other."
Raylan: I see. But you go for older guys. That it?
[ Chuckles ]
Point is you work around Dr. Blow job, you learn how to turn him down without making him angry.
Raylan: You know, uh, where I might be able to find this Dr...Boisineau? Well, unless he's got a procedure scheduled...
Raylan: Maybe I'll check the empty rooms, see if he talked anybody into this, that, or the other. Your man came in the clinic and said he was bringing me here, I thought maybe Ms. Crowder took a turn.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Boyd: Uh, no. As a matter of fact, I wanted to thank you for all the hard work you did patching her up. Mmm. She doing her exercises? I know they're painful, but she can't let that scar tissue...
Boyd: I didn't ask you here to talk about Ava, but, as a matter of fact, I am glad that you mentioned pain. Now, being a doctor, people... people must come to you all the time, in need of help with their pain. Mm-hmm.
Boyd: As a matter of fact, there are those who stand to profit from that pain. And I bet they come, too. You mean pharmaceutical reps?
Boyd: You know who I mean. I ain't angry. I just want to hear you say it. Frankfort.
Boyd: What are they offering? I write them prescriptions. They offer protection and oxy.
Boyd: Have they delivered any oxy yet? Couple months' worth. What do you want me to do?
Boyd: Well, you're a doctor. I want you to sell it. Sell their oxy and give you the money? They'll kill me!
Boyd: Not if we can put you somewhere where they can't find you, like maybe with your mama up in ewing. Now, you don't think they know about her, do you? I don't see how they could.
Boyd: Well, now, way I see this thing, you're between a rock and a much, much harder rock. I do not envy your position. But you got to think, now, how would your mama advise you if we were sitting in her kitchen, having this conversation, eating jam cake at that little fold-out table just to the right of the back door that she never locks?
Dewey: I need directions. You know, if you put a tablespoon of nail-Polish remover in a cup of water, that blood will wash right out.
Dewey: Yeah. You know where this is? [ Chuckling ] Yeah. Buckeye fork. You going up there into God's country, huh?
Dewey: I don't need the tourist guide... I just need to know how to find it. I'm not sure I like your attitude.
Dewey: Well, I'm sure I don't give a good goddamn either way. Son, I'll ask you not to blaspheme in here.
Dewey: Listen, you old sh1t, I need to find this address. Now, you gonna help me or not? Well, let's say not, and we'll just leave it at that.
Dewey: Oh... oh, you want to leave it like that, huh?
[SCENE_BREAK]
You see what happens, dumbass?! I was just gonna get the directions and be on my way. Can't imagine you got much in this dump worth taking, but whatever you got, you can give over just for pissing me off. Jesus Christ, are you deaf or something? Son, you've cursed his name twice, and there's not gonna be a third time.
Dewey: Got to be about the stupidest go...
[ Gunshot ]
[ Gun cocks ]
[ Gunshot ]
Dewey: [ Sighs ]
[ Panting ]
Raylan: Anybody talking to him?
Rachel: I tried.
LPD is trying now. He's not talking back.
Raylan: Usually you got to break his nose to get him to shut up. Come on, Dewey. You're gonna have to talk to me. We got options here, but you're gonna have to meet me halfway.
Raylan: Owner caught him in the leg, right? Yeah.
Raylan: Any chance he hit something major and he's just passed out from blood loss? Nah. I can hear him moving around in there.
Raylan: You mind giving me a shot? He kind of likes me. He's your fugitive. Knock yourself out. He don't respond soon, though, we are gonna have to take down the door.
Raylan: Dewey? Dewey, it's me... Raylan. Can you hear me?
[ Gun cocks ]
Dewey: You hear that, Raylan?
Oh, he likes you, all right.
Raylan: Yeah, I heard it.
Dewey: Want to make sure you know I have one in the chamber. Save you asking if I can rack in a load before you put a hole through me.
Raylan: Well, as I understand it, you already got a couple holes in you.
Dewey: So, you know about my situation.
Raylan: Yes, we are all well aware.
Dewey: These are the end times for Dewey Crowe. The only choice I have left is how I punch out, and I figure a bullet is better than feeling my body rip itself apart from the inside.
Raylan: What the hell you talking about?
Dewey: It's best you not blaspheme in here, Raylan. Apparently, the owner takes that real serious.
Raylan: All right, Dewey. Put the goddamn gun down and get your ass out here.
Dewey: Too late. I was supposed to meet that son-of-a-bitch nurse an hour ago. Shop owner gave us the address.
Dewey: I bet my skin's changing color, too.
Raylan: Listen, Dewey. As I understand it, dying of kidney failure, aside from some nausea, is pretty much like falling asleep.
Dewey: Who told you that?
Raylan: A doctor. I was at a hospital not 30 minutes ago.
Dewey: Well, Lance told me my whole body would clench so hard, my bones would break.
Raylan: Well, Lance sounds like a goddamn liar. Have you been pissing?
Dewey: He took my kidneys, Raylan, not my dick.
Raylan: Your kidneys are for pissing. So [Sighs] why don't you try taking a leak, and if you can do it, then we know you still got your two kidneys.
Dewey: [ Sniffs ] Come on, come on.
[ Urinating ]
Holy sh1t. You mean I had four kidneys? Ah. Ohh. God bless you, son.
Dewey: Oh, thank you, sir.
Rachel: The address was an abandoned warehouse.
Raylan: No sign of Lance?
Rachel: No sign of him. Could have taken off when Dewey missed his deadline, or maybe he was watching from somewhere when KSP rolled up. One last thing... ash Murphy. How did he seem when you left him?
Raylan: He was in a little bit of pain. Nothing he don't deserve. Why? How's he seem now? He died of a stroke.
Raylan: Dead? Stroke's always a worry post-surgery, especially with the amount of trauma his body had been through.
Raylan: He have any visitors? Just you.
Raylan: Yeah, but doctors? The orthos saw him on their morning rounds.
Raylan: Yeah, but what about, uh... was it, uh, this Dr. Boisineau, maybe? Isn't he a transplant surgeon?
Raylan: Mm-hmm. I hear y'all call him Dr., uh... Where's the other nurse? Layla? Layla?
Raylan: Yeah, I talked to her this morning. Local girl. Cute as a pailful of kittens.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Ringing ]
[ Music stops ]
[ Cellphone ringing ]
[ Ringing stops ]
Boyd: Well, it looks like we have a friend in common.
Or, better yet, we had a friend in common. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Now, can I trust you to relay that information to the man you work for? There's a message that goes along with it. Yeah? What's the message?
[ Grunts ]
Aah! Jesus!
[ Grunts ]
Aah!
Boyd: Now, you tell your boss if he has anything to say in reply, I'll be at my cousin Johnny's bar.
[ Groans ]
Whoo-hoo. Aah! Just down the road. They got two-for-ones on Wednesday and Thursday if you want to gimp on over.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, nice to see you again, deputy.
Raylan: You mind if I come in, ma'am? Layla. And I'd mind if you didn't.
Raylan: Your phone was off, so I figured I'd just come over and push your buzzer till you answer. Well, I always turn off my phone when I've been working doubles.
Raylan: Must be exhausted, especially since you also work at the transplant center. You didn't tell me that. Well, you didn't ask.
Raylan: Just started working the I.C.U. In the last 24 hours, right after, uh, ash Murphy checked in. I'll tell you something... a person with a suspicious mind might think you had something to do with something.
[ Chuckles ]
You want a drink?
Raylan: I'd love one. You didn't work yesterday, though, did you? Were you, uh, out with your boyfriend? What makes you think I have a boyfriend?
Raylan: [ Chuckles ] I'd like to talk to him just so I can get him to vouch for you. What's that? You married? Honey, I start arresting people for committing adultery, I'd never make it home for supper. [ Chuckling ] Wow. Your imagination has me doing some nasty things. And, you know, you haven't even mentioned how I gave Ash that stroke this afternoon.
Raylan: No, how did you do that? How did I do that? Did I inject an air bubble into his brain, or is that just another urban legend?
Raylan: Like bigfoot? Or stealing kidneys in motel rooms.
Raylan: Layla? Mm-hmm?
Raylan: Have you been stealing kidneys in motel rooms? If I said no, would you believe me?
Raylan: [ Gasps ] What the hell else was I supposed to do? You didn't have to do anything except stay hidden while I talked him out of it. What if you couldn't have? Well, then I'd given him the needle myself.
[ Sighs ]
Did you at least have a plan for what you were gonna do after you stuck him? Cut him up and sell him for parts. You want to take his kidneys? Why not? We got to kill him anyway, right? Oh, yeah, well, thanks to you. Look, the point is we might as well make ourselves a little traveling money while we're at it, right? It's not like this is our first time. We're in the house. All right, well, at least put him in the tub. Keep from getting blood on my floor. There you go. Hey, you want to... you want to give me a hand here or no? I got to get another syringe ready 'cause that one's gonna wear off.
[ Grunts ]
[ Grunting ]
Look at me. Kind of got my hands full, honey. Well, set him down a sec. It's not like he's going anywhere. I want you to look at me. What is it?
[ Grunts ]
[ Coughs ]
It's a real shame, marshal. Something tells me we could have had fun.
[ Gunshot ] [ Grunts ]
I can't believe you shot me.
Raylan: I can't believe it either.
Art: So...She shot him. You shot her through him. Is that right?
Raylan: If you say so. It's all a bit foggy to me. Deep breath. Slow.
Art: That's pretty impressive, considering they had you full of enough tranqs to stop a rhino.
Raylan: She gonna make it?
Art: Jury's still out. Pressure and respiration are both normal. Probably hung over for the next day or two, but otherwise, you're good to go.
Art: Thank you, sir.
Raylan: She was surprised... When I shot her.
Art: She was pointing a gun at you. What did she think you were gonna do?
Raylan: I was surprised, too.
Art: 'Cause you never shot a woman before?
Raylan: I guess.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The infamous Boyd Crowder. Feel free.
Boyd: Hey, Jimmy, did he come alone? Far as I could tell.
[ Laughs ]
He's clean. Uh, would you be so kind as to offer me a bourbon? Pappy family.
Boyd: Well, uh, Mr. Quarles, I can see that you got my message. Yes. Both of them.
Boyd: Well, that's funny. I thought I only sent one. Well, no. You assaulted one of my employees, and then you appropriated my product. I make that two.
Boyd: Well, now, taking the pills... that wasn't a message. That was just me assessing you a fine for sowing the seeds of mutiny. Why don't we just split the difference? Call it a gift...To mark the launch of our new business venture. Thank you.
Boyd: Well, if you wanted to be my partner, why didn't you come to me directly? Call it a speed bump on the road to cross-cultural understanding. The most important thing is I'm here now. Boyd, have you heard the saying, "the most successful war seldom pays for its losses"?
Boyd: Thomas Jefferson. Prison doesn't offer much, but it does give a man ample time to read. [ Laughs ] Amongst other things, I'm sure. Bottom line, Boyd... you and I make a lot more money as partners than as enemies. That can't come as news to an educated man.
Boyd: Uh, Mr. Quarles, have you heard the term "carpetbagger"? It was coined during reconstruction. A man from the north comes down to the South to take advantage of our, uh, backward ways. Yes, I'm familiar with the term "carpetbagger."
Boyd: Well, then you know to a carpetbagger, "partners" just means that, well, we do all the work while you make all the money. Amen to that. Thank you for the bourbon.
Boyd: Oh, uh, Mr. Quarles, there's one more thing. Carpetbaggers in three-piece suits been coming to Harlan for a long time. They have a habit of dying off like deer flies at the end of summer. Saul bellow.
Boyd: Ah. You're a smart man, Mr. Quarles. Smart man. Can't tell you how well I sleep, knowing that you were out there, my eyes and my ears. Yep. From what you done told me, I'd say that Mr. Quarles tried to pull a fast one on Boyd Crowder and ended up getting his hand slapped. Well, like I told Mr. Errol, it was Tanner who took the beating. Yeah, but you heard boy Crowder tell him this was a message for his boss, meaning Mr. Quarles? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Did, uh, Tanner say what he thought Mr. Quarles' intentions might be? Just that he's some water-walking badman from Detroit, come down here to get things running right, like they used to.
[ Chuckles ]
You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say, uh, Tanner got hisself a little old crush. Mighty fine work, girl. Mighty fine. Now, you keep your ear to the ground, and remember I'm counting on you.
Art: You remember that guy in new Jersey, had that crematorium?
Raylan: Funeral director.
Art: Finish the service, and then he'd call in his cutters, and they'd harvest everything out of the body that was worth anything, and they'd throw the rest of it in the incinerator.
Raylan: Mm.
Art: And the human body, when you sell it on the black market like that, I mean, that you're talking about a quarter of a million dollars.
Raylan: I think this was more of a mom-and-pop operation.
Art: I'm just thinking that might be where they got the idea.
Raylan: I'll tell you an idea I had sitting in the tub, ing to be cut open... I should find another line of work.
Art: [ Chuckles ] You've had a day or two.
Raylan: I'm serious.
Art: Nah, that will pass. What? Winona on your ass about it?
Raylan: No. No, she seems fine with the way things are.
Art: She's a special lady. | Plan: A: Boyd Crowder; Q: Who does Quarles offer a partnership to? A: a "carpetbagger; Q: What does Boyd call Quarles? A: the north; Q: Where is Boyd Crowder from? A: southern workers; Q: Who does Boyd Crowder believe Quarles is using for profit? A: offense; Q: What does Quarles take to Boyd Crowder's refusal of his offer? A: Limehouse; Q: Who reveals to his associates that he was lying to Dickie about the Bennett fortune? A: a connection; Q: What does the woman on Limehouse's payroll have to Quarles' underling? A: Dewey Crowe; Q: Who is in a race against time to collect for a sadistic organ harvester? A: kidney failure; Q: What is Dewey Crowe trying to avoid? A: a series; Q: How many locations does Dewey rob? A: varying success; Q: How successful is Dewey Crowe's robberies? A: Raylan; Q: Who tracks Dewey Crowe down? A: a convenience store; Q: Where does Raylan track Dewey Crowe down? A: the frightened Crowe; Q: Who does Raylan help realize that Dewey still has kidneys? A: the organ traffickers' house; Q: Where does Raylan go to investigate? A: his house; Q: Where does Raylan find a letter from Winona? A: Winona; Q: Who left a letter for Raylan? Summary: After Devil's demise, Quarles extends an offer of partnership to Boyd Crowder. However, Boyd refuses Quarles' offer, calling him a "carpetbagger" (someone from the north who uses southern workers for profit), which Quarles seems to take offense to. Limehouse reveals to his associates that he was lying to Dickie about the status of the Bennett fortune, and that he has a woman on his payroll who has a connection to one of Quarles' underlings. Meanwhile, Dewey Crowe is in a race against time to collect for a sadistic organ harvester, or else succumb to kidney failure. After Dewey robs a series of odd locations with varying success, Raylan tracks him down to a convenience store, where he helps the frightened Crowe realize that he still has his kidneys. Raylan goes to the organ traffickers' house to investigate, and manages to turn the tables on the traffickers, leaving both of them dead. Raylan returns home to find his house empty, and reads a letter, presumably left by Winona. |
Lines that start with a star indicate things happening in Syd's dream therapy.
(Sydney wakes up on a makeshift bed in a run-down building. She goes outside and into another run-down building where Sloane, Lauren, Jack, and Vaughn are discussing plans.)
Lauren: But at the very least we'd be able to get to Sydney's coordinates.
Sloane: Where's the... other map?
Vaughn: Okay, according to the geo-synchronous orbital position, our entrance is here and here.
(Jack turns around, sees Syd, and goes over to her.)
Jack: Sweetheart, you're okay.
(Syd nods. They approach the table where the meeting was going on.)
Vaughn: How do you feel?
Syd: Better, thanks. What's going on?
Jack: You should know Sloane was instrumental in orchestrating your escape.
Syd: I suppose I owe you a thank you.
Sloane: Sydney, as long as you're alive you'll never owe me a thing.
Syd: Not just you. Breaking me out of that facility was dangerous and selfless. Thank you. All of you.
Vaughn: At the moment we're fugitives, but we're working on a plan to frame the Covenant for your extraction.
Syd: Have you mapped the coordinates from the code that Lindsey found in Rome?
Jack: They point to a strip of desert near the San-Andreas fault less than an hour from here. If there's something waiting for us, it's most likely buried. I'm going to go check it out. In the meantime, we have a lead, something that might actually help us retrieve your lost memories.
Sloane: Sydney, my foundation gives grants to various researchers. One of these researchers has in development a non-invasive therapy for treating long-term severe amnesia.
Syd: If this therapy works, why didn't you mention it before?
Sloane: Well, Sydney, until now I didn't think that you'd be willing to accept my help.
Syd: Dad, I want to go with you.
Jack: You should rest.
Syd: I've rested enough.
Lauren: So I was an idiot. Michael tried to warn me about Lindsey, but I didn't listen. I couldn't believe what he was telling me so I did what I always do, I followed the rules.
Jack: We should go.
Jack: You said on the helicopter when Lindsey forced you to break the code, you gave him false coordinates. Where did you send them?
Syd: I don't know. I think somewhere in Simi valley.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(A bunch of cop cars pull up to "Circus Liquor," which is at an intersection.)
Lindsey: Yeah?
Cop on phone: Sir, we've checked the location. It's clean. It's a liquor store.
Lindsey: I want you to check it again.
Cop: I think we've been played.
Lindsey: Don't tell me we've been played, check it again!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Along the San-Andreas fault. They take metal detectors out of the vehicle.)
Syd: What if whatever we're looking for isn't metal?
Jack: Then we're screwed, not an unfamiliar situation. Listen, Sydney. While I remain skeptical of Sloane's alleged rehabilitation, the man jumped in front of a bullet to save my life.
Syd: I've been through too much with him. I don't trust that man, and I still can't believe you don't feel the same.
Jack: What I'm feeling is irrelevant. In conspiring to save you from the NSC, Sloane's also given us all the ammunition we'd ever need to invalidate his pardon agreement. He's put his life in our hands. And as far as breaking you out, yours was in his.
(They find something with the metal detector.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Dixon is playing football in a park with his kids.)
Dixon: Hut.
Robin: Nice catch, Stephen.
Dixon: Hey, Robin.
(He sees federal goons approaching.)
Dixon: Sweetie, come here. Stephen, come here!
Reams: Special Agent Reams, FBI. You're under arrest on suspicion of conspiracy to impede a federal investigation.
Dixon: This is Lindsey, isn't it.
Reams: Your children will be looked after through the duration of your custody..
Dixon (overtalk): He ordered this?
Reams: ...unless you find a suitable family member. You're going to have to come with us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Jack and Syd find a metal box.)
Jack: Is this familiar to you?
Syd: No.
(Jack opens it. Inside is a hand with the sign of Rambaldi, it smells bad, and there are bugs crawling on it.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Back at the run-down building, which must be somewhere in the desert outside of L.A.)
Syd: I don't know if I buried it myself or if it was left for me to find.
Lauren: And that symbol?
Sloane: It symbolizes membership in the Magnific Order of Rambaldi. Whoever that person was, he made a vow to safeguard Rambaldi's prophecies.
Jack: When you get back, you'll ask Marshall to run a DNA test.
Lauren: Right.
Syd: What's your alibi?
Lauren: I'll return to Lindsey, tell him I was abducted by the Covenant, and that you're still being held hostage.
Syd: And what are we saying they want?
Sloane: How about the Rambaldi device?
Syd: You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Sloane: Sydney, I know what you're thinking. Why don't you ask yourself, if the device was so valuable to me, why did I let it go?
Syd: For your freedom. You traded it for your pardon, and here's your chance to get it back.
Jack: It is something the CIA might believe the Covenant would take in exchange for you, and once we make the exchange the device will be destroyed. No one will have it.
Sloane: I'll contact Bob Lindsey and tell him my sources have confirmed that the Covenant is responsible for your break-out. As soon as I hear from Dr. Brezel, I'll let you know. He's the neuroresearcher who works out of Yale.
Syd: What about you? (to Vaughn)
Vaughn: We're saying that your father and I were investigating your disappearance. We're setting up a paper trail... rent-a-cars, airline tickets...
Lauren: There's something else that just occurred to me. If Lindsey's to believe I was being held by the Covenant, there needs to be some evidence of my mistreatment.
Vaughn: No.
Jack: She's right. I was going to bring that up myself at the last possible moment.
Vaughn: I am not going to let you be beaten.
Lauren: I'm the only one who's NSC, the only one Lindsey will listen to. If I don't go back he's going to think I'm party to this.
Vaughn: Jack, this is insane.
Jack: Vaughn, this whole situation is a problem. We need physical evidence to help sell the idea that the Covenant was responsible.
Lauren (to Syd): You should do it. Whenever you're ready.
Vaughn: Just get it over with.
Lauren: I know how difficult this must be.
(Syd hits her in the jaw.)
Syd: That was for turning me in to Lindsey. (She offers Lauren her hand) This is for helping me break out. Now let's get this over with.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Lindsey sees Dixon in jail.)
Lindsey: Where's Sydney Bristow? You covered for her once and it cost you your job. Do it again, this cell will be your home for the next ten years.
Dixon: My lawyer's name is Shelley Byrd.
Lindsey: Your only play here is to tell me where Sydney Bristow is and who broke her out. Was it her father?
Dixon: What I know here, is that sending agents to arrest me in front of my children is one of the last mistakes you'll ever make as Senior Director of the NSC. I've known men like you, men who pretend to be patriots. You are always revealed.
Lindsey: What?
Goon: Sir, it's Lauren Reed. She's here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Rotunda)
Goon: She was thrown from the van in front of the building. They just drove by and dumped her.
Lindsey: When?
Goon: Less than five minutes ago. She refused medical services. Said she needed to speak with you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lindsey: And that was the Covenant's only demand.
Lauren: Yes. Your people want Sydney Bristow, we want the Rambaldi device. That's what the man said.
Lindsey: The voice.
Lauren: Yes.
Lindsey: You don't find the timing curious? That Sydney Bristow was taken from a black-ops U.S. facility, that somehow they took you as well. That you've since been released. And meanwhile, your husband and Sydney Bristow's father are MIA searching for a Covenant cell.
Lauren: Curious, no. Logical, appropriate, lucky as hell for me, yes. I don't know why the Covenant is willing to make this exchange, or what it means, but Sydney is depending on you making this happen.
Lindsey: Since when did you and Bristow become so close? Or is that about sharing the same man?
Lauren: This is a woman's life. Protect it, or I will report everything you've done to your superiors.
Lindsey: Need I remind you that it was your husband who helped her flee the country when she was wanted by the NSC? In the wrong hands that information can be quite damaging.
Lauren: One more thing. At 6:30 this evening you are to press redial. The person who answers it will give you the details of the exchange.
(cut to Lindsey dialing later that day. The voice is heavily altered.)
Lindsey: Hello?
Voice: The Rambaldi device in exchange for Sydney Bristow. Do we have a deal?
Lindsey: Yes.
Voice: Keep this phone with you at all times. (Jack, on a plane, continues" src="http://foreverdreaming.org/images/smilies/flash.gif"> You will be notified as to time and place.
Jack: Lauren did well.
(Syd leaves.)
Jack: I never thanked you for helping to extract Sydney.
Vaughn: You don't have to thank me.
Jack: Yes, I do, especially given your history. I used to think you didn't have much of a spine.
Vaughn: And has that assessment changed at all?
Jack: No.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(New Haven, CT. Jack, Vaughn, Sydney. They knock. A women in only a semi-formal dress shirt answers.)
Jack: Dr. Brezel's expecting us. This is where he works?
Kaya: Wow. Say something else.
Jack: May we come in?
Kaya: (dopamine rush, then turns) Professor! (prances across the warehouse) There are some beautiful people here!
Brezel: Uh, I was thinking just now. I wasn't expecting you until Tuesday, and (to Vaughn) uh Hi. And then I realized that it is, it's Tuesday, and uh, uh, (shakes Syd's hand) you've come to me at a really awkward time. I'm not nearly finished so I can't promise you anything.
Jack: Still, your research in memory retrieval sounds quite promising.
Brezel: Oh, yeah, well that's, that's really a trip.
Kaya: Oh, can I... (whispering to Brezel) do you mind if I...
Brezel: Oh, she, she likes to hug, if you... This is Kaya. She's one of my students. Capable, but she's.. all about hugging (they hug). All about hugging. You know, I'm starving. Anyone else?
Vaughn: Okay, you have got to be kidding me.
Syd: I can't do this.
Jack: Look, we're not here because we have other options.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(eating)
Brezel: Facon?
Vaughn: Oh, no thanks.
Brezel: Facon?
Syd: I'm fine, thank you.
Brezel (to Jack, who's signing no): Oh, no?
Brezel: Facon. Processed soy protein shaped and colored to resemble the essence of smoked pig flesh. We live in an age of simulations. But facon is only one of the many illusions of the post-modern world. I don't know anything about you except that I'm not supposed to know anything about you.
Jack: Suffice to say that there are people under the impression that my daughter has committed a crime. Her memories are the only things that can exonerate her.
Brezel: I see, so there's pressure, pressure that the therapy should work, um, real stakes.
Syd: How does the therapy work?
Kaya: Tell them how you got the idea. But not the long version. I began in the neurosciences. Background in philosophy. Treated head trauma patients for twelve years until one night on I-95, I became one of them, a head trauma patient. I drove into the highway median, totaled my pickup truck. So I spent the next eighteen months in various forms of traction. Now, that's not the torture you'd expect, not moving for a year and a half. It's liberating, uh, oddly. Well in any event, one night, month eleven of my motionlessness, something obvious occurred to me. Our dreams are both apriori and apostiori, which means that our dreams contain our memories, which means there's a shared reservoir. So, um, I began to consider ways to consciously enter the subconscious. Ways to convince the brain that it was truly experiencing the dream memory state. So I turned to the one thing that I really knew.
Kaya: Drugs.
Brezel: Ergo I totaled my pickup truck.
Jack: What are the drugs?
Brezel: Oh, well, the cocktails, the um happy combo of synthetics and organics, I mean, it won't kill you. But depending on what they are, your dreams just might. I say we get this party started. Kaya will show you were to change.
Kaya: Come with me.
Brezel: When most people are asleep, they don't realize they're dreaming until they're awake. But you, you're going to have to become lucid in the dream state itself.
Syd: How do I do that? Well, the drugs I'm going to give you will do most of the work. But I will be monitoring your neural activity, and when I know you're in REM I'll give you a verbal cue over the headphones. Tell me, what was the last thing you remember, before your missing time?
Syd: Being knocked unconscious in my apartment.
Brezel: Oh, well, I see. Well, once you're aware that you're in the dream state, your objective will be to pick up the thread of your last memory in as much detail as you can.
Syd: How?
Brezel: Well, you'll have to, you're just going to have to feel your way back. It's like, it's like using a muscle that you never used before. If you can get to that point, just stay with it because ultimately you will become aware of what happened next.
Syd: I don't really understand.
Brezel: I know, you will. Just be aware that if you encounter a new memory, it might be traumatic.
Syd: But it won't necessarily be real?
Brezel: Oh, it will be to you. Here are your headphones, I'm putting them on you now. And, good luck.
(Injects drugs.)
Brezel: Sydney, I'm going to count down from ten. By the time I reach one, you will be asleep. 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Sydney is in an ambulance, right after the fight with Freplica.)
*Vaughn: Hey.
*Syd: Vaughn.
*Vaughn: Yeah, it's me.
*EMT: Don't move, you've suffered a severe head trauma.
*Syd: What?
*EMT: Any nausea or dizziness?
*Syd: No. Where am I?
*EMT: On your way to the hospital. You have a mild concussion. You'll be okay. We'll run a CT scan to check for bleeding.
*Syd: What?
*Vaughn: Will's going to be okay.
*Syd: What? Will?
*Vaughn: He lost a lot of blood, but we got him in time. He's on his way to Cedars.
*Syd: Will's in witness protection.
*EMT: This is normal, gaps in memory leading up to the injury.
*Vaughn: Sydney, the woman you were living with was not Francie. We found a file that Will was compiling. Her name was Allison Dorin. You shot her.
*Syd: I know. She was the second double, the one we never found.
*Vaughn: It's coming back to you.
*Syd: Yeah.
*EMT: Miss, you need to lay down.
*Syd: Wait. Wait. The Covenant, have you ever heard of the Covenant?
*Vaughn: Yeah, they were listed on a sitreport yesterday as an emerging threat. Why, are they involved in this?
*Syd: Sloane, has Sloane been pardoned by the State Department?
*Vaughn: Pardoned?
*Syd: You're not wearing a wedding ring.
*Vaughn: No, I thought we'd go to Santa Barbara first and see how that went.
*Syd: You're not married.
*Vaughn: You really did hit your head, huh?
*Syd: I thought you gave up on us.
*Vaughn: Syd, when I walked into your apartment, I saw you lying there, I thought God, don't let me miss a chance to tell her how much I love her.
*Syd: I love you (they kiss).
*Vaughn turns into Sloane. Syd freaks.
*Sloane: Sydney
*Syd: Get away from me.
*Sloane: Sydney, you're dreaming. If you can hear me, then you're in a dream state. You need to use it to get back to where you were, to get to the last memory you have. Now remember, you said it was in your apartment. You were knocked out. You must try to go back to that place, you must try and find that place. Sydney, you are in control of your environment. Go now. *The end of Syd's fight with Freplica is replayed, with another Sydney standing over the unconscious Sydney after the fight.
Brezel: She's out of REM, and she exists now in actual memory.
Vaughn: She was knocked unconscious after the fight, how can she remember anything that happened after that?
Brezel: Because unconsciously the mind can still establish trans-historical accounts of the real world.
Jack: Meaning even with her eyes closed, her other senses were alert.
Brezel: Yes. Thank you. And based on those senses, uh, her brain will construct an accurate but incomplete memory of the events that followed. Uh, the barbecue chips? Please, could you pass me those? Thank you.
(Syd has a leather top and red hair, masked figures are all around)
Syd: I see them. They're taking me away, but...
Jack: Who, Sydney?
Syd: I can't see their faces.
Vaughn: What did she say?
Brezel: Uh, someone without a face? It's not that uncommon.
*Sydney's in a van.
*Voices: She's walking up. Take her out.
*GuardianSyd: Don't. *Now Syd's at her 7th birthday party.
*Others: Happy birthday! ... Sydney.
Brezel: Ooh. She's extrapolating.
Jack: Meaning what?
Brezel: Brain activity indicates her memory centers aren't active. She's in a tangent.
Kaya: I was in a tangent once.
Jack: How nice for you.
*Jack: Happy birthday, honey. Make a wish, Sydney. *Sydney blows out the birthday candles, then morphs into the older Syd. The cake has "St. Aidan" written on it.
*Jack: Time to cut the cake. It's all right. *Syd cuts, blood runs out, she sees some man, and notices she's cut off his hand.
Brezel: Sydney. Sydney. Sydney, listen to me. You have to concentrate. It's the only way you're going to get back on track.
Syd: I don't know how.
Brezel: Focus on the last detail you remember.
*Syd: There I am (looking at a van). Excuse me, I have to go. *Syd runs to the van and opens the back. She sees herself being wheeled down a hall on a gurney. She runs after it after it disappears into a room.)
*Voice: Sydney. *The doors of the room she was taken into are labeled "47" in huge letters. She goes through doors opposite those doors and looks over the railing of a stairwell, seeing herself being wheeled on a gurney. She follows it and again the figures take the gurney into the "47" room.
*Voice: Sydney *Syd turns and sees Lauren. She follows her through a bunch of hanging plastic.
Brezel: This is very, very unusual. Very unusual.
Jack: What?
Brezel: Well, she's still in beta, but she's dreaming. That just doesn't happen.
*Voice: Sydney. You know better.
*Syd: You were part of this. *They fight, Sydney gets suffocated.
Brezel: Kill the power feed.
Jack: What the hell is happening?
Brezel: She's in v-tach. Get the epinephrine, it's on the tray. Get these off her. She's flatlining.
Jack: We need to resuscitate her now.
Brezel: Get the defibrillator paddles.
Vaughn: Two hundred joules, charging.
Brezel: Clear.
Vaughn: Three hundred joules.
Jack: Sydney, wake up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Syd wakes up after being resuscitated.)
Vaughn: Hey.
Syd: Vaughn, help me up. (they kiss)
Vaughn: Syd.
Syd: I can't help it, I just miss you, I do.
Vaughn: You know we can't do this.
Syd: Give me a break, it's a dream, we can do whatever we want. At least I can.
Jack: Your vitals are normal, you're going to be fine. I assume he's told you.
Syd: God, I...
Vaughn: It's okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Rotunda)
Marshall: (running after Lauren) Mrs. Vaughn. Lauren! Mrs. Reed! Hey. Whoa, I had too many jelly doughnuts.
Lauren: Are those the DNA results?
Marshall: Uh, not exactly. I checked the sample against all available databanks and I wasn't really able to find a match. But I did run some other forensic tests and, well, I hope this helps.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jack (on phone): Yes, I understand.
Jack: That was Lauren. No match on the DNA. We still don't know who the hand belongs to.
Syd: In my dream, it was my birthday. I was seven. When I cut the cake I looked down and I was cutting off his hand.
Jack: Whose hand? Did you see his face?
Syd: Yes, I did.
Vaughn: Who was it?
Syd: Lazarey. Why would I dream I was cutting off the hand of a man I murdered?
Jack: Forensics analysis leads Marshall to believe that whoever this hand belonged to was alive as recently as four months ago.
Syd: Well then it couldn't have been Lazarey because I killed him last year.
Jack: Unless you didn't.
Syd: What? I was on the videotape. It was me! I slashed his throat!
Jack: Unless you didn't. It could have been a performance.
Vaughn: Lazarey was a Russian diplomat. The Russians must have typed his DNA. Lauren's worked with them. I'll call her, have her get a sample, see if it's a match.
Brezel: You know, uh, this really was, uh, something. Uh, whatever you experienced elevated your heart rate to the point of ventricular tachycardia, which sent you into cardiac arrest, which almost sent me into cardiac arrest... are you okay?
Syd: Yeah... I feel great, actually.
Jack: What other details do you remember?
Syd: After my fight with Allison, these men came into the room. I couldn't see their faces. They were wearing black. They took me to a building. I was on a gurney. They wheeled me through the door, and I lost them before I could see where they took me next. Lauren strangled me.
Vaughn: Well, that was a dream. It must have been a dream, right?
Brezel: It's unclear, you know, this is not an exact science.
Jack: At that point in your life, you had never even met Lauren.
Brezel: Uh, you know, this would probably be a representational figure, which is also ... by the way (Vaughn nods). Masked figures, shapeshifters, they first appear as one character, uh, your mother, an old classmate.
Kaya: In my case, a parrot.
Brezel: A parrot, um, but they're really just physical manifestations of someone else.
Syd: I want to go back.
Jack: Sydney, that's a mistake.
Syd: They were taking me towards a room. It was room 47. That's where I was, that's where I was being held. I have to go back and see what was happening to me in there.
Kaya: Uh, you're the greatest.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Brezel: Once you're under, you'll most likely begin in a dream cycle. Again, no matter where you are, try to pick up the thread of your last memory by focusing on a detail you remember, uh, something vivid.
Syd: There was hanging plastic in the building where I was taken.
Brezel: Whatever it is, you're looking for a link, portal, back to your memory state, back to the door you described.
Kaya: Good luck.
Syd: Thanks.
Brezel: Okay, here are the headphones. I'm going to put them on you. Good luck.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Sloane meets Lindsey)
Sloane: When I received the call for this meeting, I assumed it would be with a low-level agent.
Lindsey: Do you have confirmation of the Covenant's demands?
Sloane: My sources have confirmed they are holding Sydney Bristow. They're asking for the Rambaldi device in exchange for her release.
Lindsey: This is an awkward conversation.
Sloane: How so?
Lindsey: Because of what I'm asking of you, to use your contacts.
Sloane: Why come to me?
Lindsey: Because you can give me untraceability. I'm looking for someone trained in wetwork. In particular, dead shot with a long-range rifle. I plan on making the trade. During the exchange, I want Sydney Bristow taken out.
Sloane: Why make the trade? It's very simple, have the Covenant end her life.
Lindsey: Because I want assurance that Sydney Bristow is eliminated.
Sloane: Ah, I see. She has something on you, does she?
Lindsey: If she's hit by a sniper, it will appear as though it's a Covenant double-cross.
Sloane: Well, with all due respect Mr. Director, what guarantee do I have that this isn't some form of entrapment?
Lindsey: Because I know what you're up to, Mr. Sloane. I can see your big picture. I know your endgame. I even have proof. (gives Sloane a letter) Once I arrange the trade, I'll call you with the details.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Marshall: The DNA you got from the Kremlin? I matched it.
Lauren: And the hand belongs to Lazarey?
Marshall: Yeah. I mean, it belonged to Lazarey before it was... (illustrates his hand being cut off)
Lauren: Thank you.
Marshall: Sure.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Jack on phone.)
Jack: You're sure the DNA matched Lazarey.
Lauren: Yes, which means Sydney didn't kill him. Lindsey has nothing on her. She can come home.
Jack: Thank you.
*Sydney wakes up in a car. The Radio is playing and Dixon's driving. The car has large black fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror.
*Dixon: You still asleep?
*Syd: I think so. I've never heard of a St. Aidan. (label on the glove compartment)
*Dixon: They're hard to find. (they stop) Don't forget the case. *Marshall and Weiss are playing cards and smoking cigars.
*Weiss: Look, you made it. I hope you're ready for an expensive lesson in the art of gambling. (Marshall and Weiss laugh.)
*Syd: I'm looking for that building. (Weiss nods)
*Weiss: Check the kitchen.
*Marshall: Kitchen.
*Syd: Thanks.
Brezel: Okay. She's in.
Vaughn: Is she alright?
Brezel: Um, she's alpha. Her serotonin levels are still increasing, and uh, see, her heart rate's up. She's on track for another vivid one. *Sydney goes into the kitchen, and there's hanging plastic. Lauren comes toward her through the walls of draped plastic.
*Lauren: You shouldn't have come back.
*Syd: Who are you, who the hell are you?
*Lauren: I'm telling you, you don't want to be here.
*Syd: You're not Lauren. I know you're not Lauren.
*Lauren: It doesn't matter who I am. All that matters is that you leave this place.
*Syd: You get the hell out of my way.
*Lauren: I can't do that. *They fight. Lauren morphs into another Sydney, rips through the plastic the real Sydney (in white) was trying to strangle her (in black) with.
*BlackSyd: You are so stubborn. You idiot, we want to stay away. We know the Covenant had us, we suspected it all along. Of course we're right.
*WhiteSyd: It was the Covenant.
*BlackSyd: We think it's an accident we don't remember anything?
*WhiteSyd: Then what happened to me?
*BlackSyd: Trust Lazarey.
*WhiteSyd: What does he have to do with it?
*BlackSyd: That's enough questions.
*WhiteSyd: What's in room 47?
Jack: Pull her out, now. I'm not going to risk her life again.
Brezel: No, her heart rate's alright, let's give her a chance.
*BlackSyd: Leave, idiot. *They fight more. *WhiteSyd shoots BlackSyd five times, resulting in six bullet holes (hmm...) *Syd runs to the room labeled 47, opens the door, and stands for a moment.
*Syd: Oh my God | Plan: A: the coded message; Q: Where did Sydney and Jack find the co-ordinates? A: a Rambaldi follower; Q: Whose hand is in the box that Sydney and Jack find? A: Lauren; Q: Who attacks Sydney? A: the CIA; Q: Where does Lauren return to after being captured by The Covenant? A: The Covenant; Q: Who is Lauren claiming to have been captured by? A: the Rambaldi Device; Q: What does The Covenant want in exchange for Sydney? A: Dr Brezzel; Q: Who does Sydney visit to get into a dream state? A: a neuro-researcher; Q: What is Dr Brezzel's profession? A: an ambulance; Q: Where does Sydney wake up in after being put into a drug-induced dream state? A: Vaughn; Q: Who is watching over Sydney in the ambulance? A: Francie; Q: Who was Alison Doren? A: her apartment; Q: Where does Sydney go to remember her last memory before her amnesia? A: her seventh birthday party; Q: What is Sydney experiencing in her dream? A: St Aidan; Q: What name is on Sydney's birthday cake? A: his hand; Q: What does Sydney cut off instead of the cake? A: a building; Q: Where does Sydney enter after her birthday party? A: her unconscious body; Q: What is taken inside doors marked with the number 47? A: real life; Q: In what state does Sydney suffer a heart failure? A: the Doctor; Q: Who resuscitates Sydney after she suffers a heart failure? A: Lindsey; Q: Who shows Sloane proof that he knows Sloane's endgame? A: Sydney's capture; Q: What does Sloane claim to have confirmation of The Covenant's involvement in? A: the DNA; Q: What does Lauren match from the hand with Lazarey? A: only four months ago; Q: How long ago was Lazarey alive? A: Dixon; Q: Who is Sydney in a car with in her dream state? A: her alternate self; Q: Who tells Sydney to trust Lazarey? Summary: Sydney and Jack visit the co-ordinates from the coded message and find a box containing the hand of a Rambaldi follower. Lauren returns to the CIA, claiming to have been captured by The Covenant who are asking for the Rambaldi Device in exchange for Sydney. Sydney visits Dr Brezzel, a neuro-researcher who specializes in dream memory state. Sydney is put into a drug-induced dream state and awakens in an ambulance with Vaughn watching over her. Vaughn explains that Will is going to be okay and that Francie was really Alison Doren. Sydney realizes that she is in the past and that Vaughn isn't married. Suddenly, Vaughn changes into Sloane, who tells Sydney that she is dreaming. He then pushes her back to her apartment, representing her last memory before her amnesia. She enters her own dream and witnesses herself being taken away. Suddenly, she is experiencing her seventh birthday party, and the name St Aidan is on the cake. Lazarey appears and Sydney cuts off his hand instead of the cake. Sydney then enters a building where her unconscious body is taken inside doors marked with the number 47. She meets Lauren, who then attacks her. Sydney says "You were part of this" but then suffers a heart failure in real life. She is resuscitated by the Doctor. Lindsey meets Sloane, who claims to have confirmation of The Covenant's involvement in Sydney's capture. Lindsey asks Sloane for an assassin who can kill Sydney during the exchange. Lindsey shows Sloane proof that he knows Sloane's endgame. Lauren matches the DNA from the hand with Lazarey, but the hand was alive only four months ago, so Sydney did not kill Lazarey. Sydney enters the dream state again and is in a car with Dixon. The name St Aidan appears again. Sydney meets herself in her dream and her alternate self tells her to trust Lazarey. They fight each other and Sydney shoots herself. She enters Room 47 and utters "Oh my god!". |
Jim: Oh ho! Look who's back reporting for duty.
Pam: Hey guys!
All: Hey.
Pam: [laughing] Hi.
Andy: Pam! Ahh! Look what I can do now that she's no longer pregnant. [pretends to punch Pam in the stomach] Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!
Phyllis: Are you glad to be back?
Pam: Yeah. Yeah, I mean I could have used another week, or three.
Stanley: You still had eight weeks more than we did.
Pam: [laughing] Well, it's not exactly a vacation.
Angela: Hello everyone! Remember little old me. Hi!
Dwight: What are you doing here? You just had our baby. Our collective Dunder Mifflin...family baby. Four days ago.
Angela: I wanted to come back to work. Not everybody needs some long luxurious Parisian maternity leave. [removes coat]
Pam: What?!
Kelly: Damn girl! Your body!
Oscar: Angela, you look amazing.
Angela: Really? I feel like this big rhinoceros. Anyway, I wanted to thank you guys for covering for me so I made some treats. I've got brownies and magic cookie bars.
Group: [murmurs of delight as people shuffle toward the treats]
Pam: Oh Angela, those brownies have walnuts in them and I think Kevin's allergic to walnuts. You're allergic to walnuts, right Kevin?
Kevin: Extremely, but I'm gonna fight through it.
Pam: Aw. It's OK Angela. I have mommy brain too.
Angela: I don't know what that is, Pam. I made a batch with no nuts, special for you Kevin, right here.
Pam: When did you find time to do all this?
Angela: Babies sleep a lot Pam, if you feed them enough. Brownie Pam?
Pam: Thank you. [takes bite] Oh my gosh. It's really good.
Angela: I wouldn't know, I'm watching my weight. Ugh.
Pam: So you guys, you know what's an even more useful treat...is cash. So-
Jim: Nope. It's over.
Pam: ...we wanted to say thank you-
Jim: Nope. OK.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Dwight, I have exciting news for you.
Dwight: What?
Andy: I think you're going to like it.
Dwight: You can't tantalize me.
Andy: Oooh, maybe I can. [slowly] I got an email... from corporate....that told me that...
Dwight: OK. [looks at watch and leaves]
Andy: That...[quickly] you got a promotion! [Dwight turns back] Right? I mean that's not the kinda thing you wanna read quietly at your desk.
Dwight: If you make me head of sales one more time, I swear.
Andy: No, this is legit. You will be assembling a team to go to Tallahassee for three weeks to develop and launch a chain of Sabre stores.
Dwight: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, hi-yes! Yeah yeah yeah yeah!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: The Shrutes have a word for when everything comes together in a man's life perfectly: Perfectinschlag. Hmm. Right now, I am in it. I finally get a chance to prove myself to corporate, I am assembling a competent team, I am likely a father, I am so deep inside of perfectinschlag right now. And just to be clear, there is a second definition, "perfect pork anus" which I don't mean.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: And here's the fax for you.
Andy: And here's some facts for you. Did you know frogs can hear with their lungs? And that flamingos can have orgasms that last 30 minutes.
Erin: Ah! Love to learn.
Andy: Yeah, it's weird that I said that last one.
Erin: So... [points out their matching heart pins]
Andy: Uh yeah, look at that.
Erin: We're pin twins.
Andy: Pin twins! This is a gift from Jessica, kind of a gag gift really. Real gifts come later.
Erin: Yeah. That's cute. When I saw it in CVS it made me gag too. [Andy laughs, walks away, Erin throws away her pin]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: For a while there I thought something would change. But nope. Andy's still with Jessica, they even carpool together most days. I don't know, I wouldn't mind carpooling every day with Andy, but I wouldn't want to spend that much time with Jessica.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Darryl: What do we have here?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Darryl: Val knit me a beanie. But I can't if it's a "we're just friends" beanie or a "I'm hot, you're hot, let's get it poppin'" beanie. So I'm gonna up the ante, give her a clearly romantic gift, and we'll get to the meaning of the beanie.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Pam, pack up your post-natal swimwear, make it a one piece or this offer is rescinded, and join me on a fantastic barbeque one week from today in Tallahassee, Florida where I'm going to be living for the next three weeks.
Pam: Really?
Dwight: Mm hm.
Pam: I'll fly anywhere for some good barbeque.
Jim: Ooh, me three.
Dwight: Eh! No plus one's. This is for competent workers only. And don't worry about the cost, Sabre is footing the bill.
Pam: Does this have anything to do with what you were talking to Andy about?
Dwight: God, you're such a spy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Darryl: [clears throat] Notice anything different about me?
Val: You're wearing the beanie. You like it?
Darryl: Super comfortable. Like sweatpants for my head.
Nate: I love it too Val. It's it's really itchy, uh but to be fair my head is constantly itching so I can't really peg it on the hat.
Darryl: [noticing all the warehouse workers wearing homemade beanies] Wow. It's like the nation of Islam down here.
Val: I like to knit, don't hate. And who's that for?
Darryl: Oh, this is a gift, for....my man Nate here.
Nate: What?
Darryl: Yeah.
Nate: Darryl, you shouldn't have.
Darryl: Hey.
Nate: Can I open it?
Darryl: No, no, no. Maybe just later.
Nate: Ah, I can't wait. I'm sorry. I get too excited. [opens gift] Darryl.
Val: Wow. Those are really nice.
Nate: They're so elegant.
Val: Cashmere.
Nate: How'd you know?
Darryl: Just a hunch. Your gift is on the way.
Val: Can't wait.
Nate: [reading card] "I'm glad you're in my life. Happy Valentine's Day." Ugh, Darryl. I am glad to be in your life too. Oh, your card is more beautiful than the gloves.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: My first task as special project manager Dwight Shrute? Assembling a crack team. I need people who are loyal. People who'll help me get an inroad with the gay Hispanic community. People who won't be missed. We don't need idiots, good for nothing's, methheads or... What's your name?
Kathy: Kathy.
Dwight: Kathy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: I just got a text from Robert California that says "bring your clubs to Florida".
Pam: Why? Does he think you're going to Florida?
Jim: I hope not. [laughs] Because I am not going. Two question marks?
Pam: No, just do one. Two question marks is kind of aggressive. You know it's like wha-what?? Just do one.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: You wanna take Darryl, Phyllis, Toby, Angela and Oscar?
Dwight: Yes.
Andy: Can I interest you in someone less essential? Like uh a Creed or a Meredith perhaps?
Dwight: Oh my god.
Andy: They're not expendable exactly, I just can't...I can't think of the word I'm trying to find.
Dwight: Are you kidding me?! I'm supposed to get in an airplane with those nincompoops? We'd never get off the runway.
Andy: Alright, look. I gotta keep this office functioning somehow. So, I have put together a list, here's your team. Darryl and Phyllis you can have, but you're also taking Kathy, Kelly and Kevin.
Dwight: Oh god.
Andy: You have your team.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Kevin!? Kelly!? Kathy!? Andy just gave me a chain with three weak links. Have you ever tried to use a chain with three weak links? I have. And now I no longer own an arctic wolf.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Well, let's hear it.
Jim: "Robert, Hey!" Exclamation point.
Pam: I like it so far.
Jim: "Got your text, awesome idea. Let's hit the links next time you're in PA" Dash JH.
Pam: It's perfect. You emphasized the golf, completely omit the Florida.
Jim: Yeah, it's a golf text.
Pam: Total golf text. Send it.
Jim: Duh- Wait. I just feel weird. I should just call him.
Kelly: You wanna call someone? That texted you!? Do you wanna drive them away? I mean, ugh.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Darryl: [on phone] This is Darryl.
Bob: Oh, sorry I asked for the main shipping number. I just need the address for the warehouse? I want to send my girlfriend some flowers.
Darryl: Your girlfriend? Is your girlfriend Val?
Bob: Yeah, do you know her?
Darryl: We're friends. We're friends.
Bob: Cool. Um, so can I get that address or...?
Darryl: Yeah sorry, I'm just looking for a pen.
Bob: Why do you need a pen?
Darryl: Back off! I got my reasons.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: May I have your attention please? Could Kathy, Darryl, Phyllis, Kevin and Kelly please join me in the conference room immediately?
Kelly: Why?
Dwight: Oh, no big deal. It's just that you five have been deemed most deserving of a three week all expenses paid business trip to Tallahassee, Florida.
Kelly: Hell yeah.
Stanley: What?!
Dwight: Oh, I'm sorry Stanley, I can't share any more details with you. You see, Andy rejected you.
Meredith: Wait. Kathy gets to go? Uh, why does she even still work here? Pam is back.
Oscar: It just feels like a slap in the face.
Dwight: I can understand your pain and your rage, but you know what? Andy is an honorable man, let us not question his choices. I'm sure he had his reasons.
Oscar: We're not questioning his reasons. I just wanna know what they are.
Dwight: I know, you and me both, brother. It seemed kinda random to me, but he was pretty clear on who he thought truly deserved this boondoggle of a lifetime.
Kevin: Well, he nailed it because I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's gotta take off his cape.
Dwight: Good point. But we're gonna be working pretty hard until five PM. After that it's gonna be beach volleyball, trips to Cape Canaveral, and sea kayaking with Gloria Estefan.
Ryan: What are the criteria for going?
Dwight: It might be innate goodness versus innate badness? But there's an easy way to find out. [knocks on Andy's office door] Oh Andy, gotta few questions for you.
Andy: Mooshie mooshie. [Dwight laughs]
Dwight: Uh, the Florida picks got out, and people were just kind of curious as to why they weren't picked and maybe you could just clarify?
Andy: Well uh...well the deliberations were confidential so...I feel like we should respect that.
Stanley: Respect it? You're trying to tell me Kevin Malone deserves more than Stanley Hudson.
Kevin: Hey!
Angela: Ok, it's obvious Andy picked the people that are least important to the office.
Kelly: Important? Oh because you and your enormous monster baby are so important to the branch.
Angela: My baby is not a monster!
Dwight: Hey. Be proud of your enormous monster baby. I was once an enormous monster baby.
Andy: Guys. Guys. Guys. Come on, seriously? We cannot let this trip cause this kind of rift, guys!
Ryan: Stop calling us "guys".
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: I use the word "guys" a lot when I'm nervous...guys.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Guys! Guys! Guys!
Group: Stop it!
Andy: Guys..
Ryan: Stop. Stop it Andy.
Oscar: ...Andy.
Andy: Dudes...the dudes who are going to Florida were picked by Dwight and me.
Dwight: OK hey. I specifically remember there were a lot of other people I thought should be considered.
Andy: Wha-
Stanley: If anybody's going to Florida, it should be me. Every shirt I have that isn't a work shirt is a Tommy Bahama. I'm the only person in this office who watches Burn Notice.
Andy: OK, I did not realize that so many of you wanted to go so badly, so if you feel like you have a very good reason to go to Florida, I'm happy to hear you out.
Dwight: Great idea! So why doesn't everyone just take the next five to six hours, come up with a statement on why you feel you deserve to go to Florida and Andy and I will listen to it.
Andy: No. That is a ridiculous waste of time.
Kelly: For you maybe.
Andy: Five to six hours?
Dwight: Three to four hours.
Andy: No no no no.
Dwight: Two to three hours...
Andy: Nope.
Dwight: Come up with a statement in the next hour....
Andy: Thirty minutes!
Creed: I'm out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Ok, read it back to me.
Jim: [reading text] Robert, great offer. Wish I could hit the links with you in Florida but a father of a newborn really should be helping out his wife any chance he gets.
Pam: Good. Doesn't sound pushy...you're just stating a fact.
Erin: Absolutely. Works for me.
Jim: Ok, sending.
Pam: Well done. And we managed to kill the entire morning.
Jim: Really did [Text bleep] He responded L-O-L.
Erin: [laughs exaggeratedly]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Phyllis: I have a new swimsuit I need to break in....
Meredith: I am...
Dwight: I have already picked my team: Darryl, Oscar, Angela, Phyllis and Toby and that is the team that I am taking. What's that? It's not up to me? I only have influence? Well, that's all Baltzer Gladfielder had and no one eats owls for Thanksgiving.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: You have two young dynamic people in this office who know trends, who know youth. That's myself and Kelly Kapoor, you need one of us there.
Andy: Or both?
Ryan: Not both. Just one, me. Or if not me, Kelly. Ideally me. Again, youth knowledge. That's what you get when you put Ryan Howard on your special project team...or Kelly Kapoor. Again, not both. Thanks.
Andy: Very impressive. He put a lot of work into that.
Dwight: Mm-hm. Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world. All show, no meat.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kevin: Because I feel like that I'm in a place with my gambling rehab that I can finally start going to dog racing again. You know, just sitting, watching, enjoying the sport? Maybe putting down a few dollars if there's like a crazy mismatch or something...
Dwight: Ok. Thank you Kevin, we'll let you know.
Andy: Thank you.
Kevin: When do we leave?
Andy: Thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toby: It has been a long, lonely winter.
Dwight: Wow. Seasonal effective disorder, AKA: sad. That sounds like a very real thing, Toby.
Toby: It is real, thank you for saying that.
Andy: Yeah, wow. It's almost like we're not all experiencing the same winter?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Stanley: Florida Stanley smiles. Florida Stanley is happy to go to work. Florida Stanley is who you want on your Florida team.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Maybe it's what she does here...
Andy: Well...
Erin: Hey guys, any spots left?
Andy: Erin, you wanna go to Tallahassee?
Erin: I do. I really do. I think it would be a nice way to clear my head.
Dwight: You know I don't think it's a good idea for you to clear your head any more than it has been already. I think you need a workplace where the burdens of everyday life keep you tethered to reality.
Erin: Either or. But if you can find someone to fill in, I would love to go.
Andy: Well it wouldn't be hard to find someone to fill in..
Erin: Really? Oh, great. Good, ahem, good.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: Now, is it too dark to say that Cici's having an operation?
Pam: I think you need to go to Florida.
Jim: I think you're right.
Pam: It's only for three weeks, you know with my mom and sister at the house it'll be..
Jim: Total nightmare.
Pam: I was going to say good because I'll have all the help I need?
Jim: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're incredibly helpful, you're lucky to have them. I mean with them there, you probably won't even know I'm gone.
Pam: Exactly.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Well, [Jim enters] No! No! Absolutely not! You are not going. Over my dead body, no. Andy?
Andy: Tuns, I'm really sorry. You're too essential to the operation here, I can't let you go.
Dwight: I wouldn't say that...it's a bit much.
Jim: You know Dwight, if you didn't want me to go the smart move would be to tell Andy that I actually am essential to the operation. That way I couldn't go.
Dwight: Jim is essential to th-
Jim: Hold on, just wanna get it on camera. [holds up cellphone]
Dwight: Andy, Jim is just too...essen-...
Jim: Essential.
Dwight: This is stupid! Cut.
Jim: Alright, I'm gonna pack my trunks.
Dwight: He doesn't even want to go.
Jim: Well, I got a text from RC inviting me to come down so I think that's gonna make us roomates.
Dwight: Oh my god.
Jim: Hey, quick question: Do you shower at night or in the morning? Cause I wanna shower when you're showering. Save some water.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: OK, listen up everyone, here's who's going to Florida: Kathy..
Dwight: What?
Andy: ....Stanley..
Dwight: No.
Andy: ...Ryan...
Dwight: No!
Andy: ...Erin...
Dwight: (Bleep)
Andy: ...And, Jim.
Dwight: You've gotta be (bleep)-ing kidding me. Ok. Ok, Florida group, welcome to the team. [goes into conference room and slams door] AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Let's go, step it up you runts. You infants, let's move.
Stanley: Why is it so hot in here?
Dwight: Hot? What are you talking about? This is a nice temperate Florida morning. Eighty-five degrees, seventy-five percent humidity. This is the exact environment you will be facing for the next three weeks of your life. Welcome to special projects orientation. The next three weeks of your life are gonna be the most miserable you've ever faced. They're gonna be hard, they're gonna be dirty. You're gonna wish you were dead.
Ryan: But...
Dwight: But? There's not buts. That's it. You'll wish you were dead. You seem a little disturbed, you wanna stay here?
Ryan: No no, I want to go.
Dwight: Cause if any of you would prefer to stay here, all you need to do is ring this bell. [holds up Taboo buzzer]
Jim: Is that the buzzer from Taboo?
Dwight: SHUT UP MAGGOT! YOU DON'T WANT TO GO, RING THE BELL! RING IT! Ring it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: How many of you have seen the documentary Deliverance?
Stanley: How did a mosquito get in here?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: I released three hundred mosquitoes in the conference room, just temporarily. When I'm done, the frogs will take care of the mosquitoes. [Frog in plastic cage ribbits]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Yes, when he brushes your soft supple cheeks with his worn leathery hands and says "I'm gonna make you the seventh Mrs. Rosenblatt" unless you ring this bell. Ring it! Ring the bell. You wanna spend the rest of your life changing your husband's colostomy bags? Huh? Do you? Ring it! Wha-, [Jim slaps Dwight's forehead] oh. What was that?
Jim: Mosquito.
Dwight: [Sighs and grunts] Orientation is over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Nate: Oh Darryl, hey.
Darryl: Hey what's up? You called?
Nate: Yeah, you know I, I felt really terrible that you got me these lovely gloves and I didn't get you anything...
Darryl: It's cool really.
Nate: No, it's anything but cool. Now I haven't really had time to go out and buy you anything, but uh, here goes. [Hands Darryl pink slips of paper]
Darryl: "This coupon entitles you to one free tickle monster attack"
Nate: Yeah, they're Nate coupons. Or Nate-pons. And they're all different. Cash that one in and I will bring you a stick of gum, anytime, any place. I'll find you.
Darryl: Thanks. [to Val] Nice flowers.
Val: Thanks, they're from my mom.
Darryl: Your mom?
Val: Yeah.
Darryl: Uh. So I guess that was your mom who called me earlier looking for the address? Real deep voiced woman?
Val: Yeah, that's her.
Darryl: She said her name was Brandon, I think. Your mom's name is Brandon?
Val: [laughs] Yeah Darryl, my mom's name is Brandon.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Darryl: Then I guess I figured out where I stand. This is a love beanie.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Ok, Florida team, let's reconvene.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: I'm going to Florida.....and I'm not coming back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: So Sabre has set up a conference room for our use while we're at corporate.
Jim: So, what is this special project?
Dwight: Basically Sabre has tasked us with helping them branch into the retail marketplace. They want to set up their own version of an Apple store.
Jim: That sounds awesome.
Dwight: It did, it did.
Ryan: You know what might be great? Is if instead of a genius bar we have a lounge area where people can ask questions about the product with other customers who liked it.
Erin: Yeah. And they should have a place where people can check their computers or printers before they see you so you don't have to carry it around like a dope. Like a coat check. [Dwight writes on whiteboard] Oh, don't write it down unless you like it.
Dwight: Oh, I like it.
Ryan: It seems to me that the Apple store is kind of like a party. So I think our question is: How do we make this a better party?
Dwight: No. We sell business tools and the stores need to reflect that. They need to be all business. Let all the other stores look like a toy store.
Ryan: Right. Think different, from Apple.
Jim: Dwight, is now a good time to go over what you expect of us?
Dwight: [long pause] Yes. What are my expectations for the group?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: I have been given the responsibility to manage Stanley, a solid player, Ryan, who is capable of surprises, Erin, an excellent follower and Kathy, a probably not totally useless enigma. And, well, Jim. Under the right manager, that's not a bad team. Perfectinschlag.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kelly: I don't know how I'm going to live here without you.
Ryan: Me neither. Hey, will you put this coat on my chair? I just realized I'm not going to need it down there.
Kelly: Yes, I will take your coat. And I will keep it with me, and I will sleep with it because it smells like you.
Ryan: No, no, no, no. Just put it on my chair.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Alright [kiss]
Jim: Bye.
Pam: Bye. Call me when you land.
Jim: I will.
Andy: Safe travels.
Erin: Goodbye for a very very long time.
Andy: Oh, K. It's only three weeks.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kathy: [On phone] All expenses paid. Yeah, Jim's gonna be there. Their marriage is not good. Nobody knows better than me. Definitely we will. It's three weeks in Tallahassee, what else is there to do? | Plan: A: Pam's maternity leave; Q: What is about to end? A: Andy; Q: Who is Dwight's partner? A: Florida; Q: Where is Tallahassee? A: an assignment; Q: What is Dwight sent on by corporate? Summary: Just as Pam's maternity leave ends, Dwight and Andy must select employees to accompany Dwight to Tallahassee, Florida , after he is sent on an assignment by corporate. |
Angel: "You've had vision."
Cordy: "Boy! Howdy! - Doyle kissed me just before he died and he passed it on to me!" Cordy in her new apartment..
Cordy: "I'm not giving up this apartment!"
Angel: "It's haunted!"
Cordy: "It's rent controlled!" Cordy talking to Aura in the phone: "Yeah, I have a room-mate, but it's cool. I never see him. (Her can of rootbeer slides across the end-table and Cordy covers up the receiver) Hey! Phantom Dennis, put that back!" Night, the office. Cordelia is putting on some lipstick using one of the lobby windows as a mirror.
Angel: "You look nice." Cordy jumps and spins around, then looks back at her reflection in the window. There is a streak of lipstick from the corner of her mouth halfway up her cheek.
Cordy pulls out a tissue: "And now I look like the Joker."
Angel: "Sorry."
Cordy fixes her lipstick: "Hopefully I'm still too young and carefree for a heart attack. Would it kill you to hum a little tune when sneaking up on people?"
Angel looking at a file: "I don't hum. I'm confused here. Why is Mrs. Bensen filed under 'P'?"
Cordy: "That's not a 'P' that's an 'F'. Or is it an 'R'?"
Angel: "I don't know. Maybe we can be a little less - young and carefree with the filing?"
Cordy: "Oh, it's an 'F'. I remember now." Angel blinks and scratches his neck: "All right, so... (Chuckles) Why is it Mrs. Bensen is filed under 'F'?"
Cordy: "Because she is from France. - Remember what a pain she was?"
Angel: "Yeah. It made me what to drink a lot."
Cordy: "Well, that's the French for you."
Wesley walks into the office: "Hello. I was just in the neighborhood, patrolling with my new Bavarian fighting axe (Holds up an axe), when I suddenly thought 'perhaps Cordelia has had a vision', perhaps you need my help in the battle against evil."
Angel: "We seem to be evil free at the moment."
Wesley: "I also packed along a 'Word Puzzle 3-D' if either of you has the nerve to take me on."
Cordy: "Gee, Wesley, I'd love to, but unlike you, I'm not in my 80s quite yet."
Wesley: "If shaking your booty at the latest trendy hot spot is your idea of a life, then call me... (Two glamorous girls walk in) ...sick with envy."
Sarina to Wesley: "Hi. I'm Sarina. Nice axe."
Wesley laughs: "Uh, ah, no, this old thing..." Wesley swings the axe around and embeds it in the wall beside him. Angel looks at him, then over at Sarina, but doesn't say anything.
Sarina to Cordy: "We're late. Wilson practically had to have phone s*x with the manager at Lounge La Brea to get us in."
Cordy turns around: "Okay, okay. How do I look?"
Sarina: "Like you always do. Wilson won't be able to take his eyes off of you."
Angel: "Who's Wilson?"
Sarina: "Christopher." Angel looking at Cordy who turns away: "Christopher Wilson."
Emily: "Wilson Christopher."
Wesley: "No. The ethno-archeologist from Brandies?"
Sarina: "The fashion photographer from LA who's been seeing Cordelia. Third times the charm. (Turns towards Wesley) And that Hugh Grant thing is really starting to work for me."
Angel walks over to Cordy: "So, ahem (chuckles) You've been seeing someone. How come I didn't know?"
Cordy: "Because I'm ashamed of you. Not to mention how you'd embarrass me by giving him the third degree."
Emily: "Your boss could give me the third degree anytime."
Sarina to Emily: "You're a sucker." Cordelia puts a hand to her forehead and drops to the floor behind the desk. Angel quickly knocks some letters to the floor: "Ah, Cordelia, grab that file. Sorry." Wesley runs over and starts to gather the letters: "Oh, not to worry. Heh, heh, whoopsie." Angel turns to the two girls standing between them and the desk: "So, La Brea. Sounds like that could be an evening (Wesley straightens up and stands next to Angel) with all sorts of evening type... I - I heard the bands there are..."
Sarina: "They don't have any bands."
Angel: "Which I like. Because if it's too loud..."
Emily amused: "Want to come?"
Angel: "Oh, I think I may be busy."
Cut to Cordy writhing on the floor. We get a flash of her vision.
Angel: "Beside, ah, I, uhm, I don't lounge all that well."
Wesley laughs: "Good one! Oh, yes. No, he's ah, he's no lounger (puts an arm around Angel) this one."
Sarina to Emily: "The good ones are always gay. (Wesley lets go of Angel) Cor, tick, tock." Cordelia pulls herself back to her feet and Angel turns towards her.
Angel: "So, that client I'm supposed to be meeting tonight, what's he like again?"
Cordy: "Like a big baby (flash to her vision) hatching from a big egg with really large hands, in need of a manicure. (Writes an address on a piece of paper and hands it to Angel) You're meeting him here. Okay." Sarina as the three girls leave the office: "Are my girls ready to party?" Wesley as Angel goes to get his coat: "I don't suppose you need any help, slaying the big baby creature, do you? Not that an evening alone with word puzzle isn't plenty exhilarating in it's own right. (Angel passes him and hands him the address. Wesley looks at it a big grin spreading over his face) Right." Wesley hurries after Angel then turns back to sling his bag over his shoulder and try to pull the axe from the wall. Angel watches from the lobby through one of the windows as Wesley pulls the axe free, falling to the floor in the process.
Cut to Wesley looking at the address on the paper, 23 Cabrillo. He lowers the paper to reveal a mail box with that address. Angel pulls out a sword and Wesley has the axe in his right hand and a loaded crossbow in his left as they walk up the steps to the door. Angel nods at him. Wesley kicks in the door and jumps through it weapons held at the ready. Angel tries to follow but bounces off an invisible wall. Wesley to an older couple sitting watching TV: "Don't move a muscle. - Demon spawn! (The man blinks at him) Cowards, don't make me thrash it out of you. Where do you lay your eggs? In the cellar?" Angel looks over at the neighboring house and sees the thing from Cordy's vision hatching through one of the windows: "Wesley..."
Wesley: "In the bedroom?"
Angel: "Yeah, that's right, termites lay their eggs anywhere, such as next door." Angel motions to the next house. Wesley backs up and looks out through the door, weapons still trained on the older couple, who are just sitting there looking at him.
Wesley lowers his weapons: "Oh."
Angel: "And we fight termites, where ever they may roam." Angel and Wesley leave, then Wesley turns back to the older couple: "Sorry about the door." Intro. We see the bedroom window from the outside. There is orange slime spattered on the glass. We hear the demon baby scream and the sounds of Angel's sword and Wesley's axe. We see shadows of Wesley and Angel fighting the thing. One of them gets thrown against the wall next to the window and the plaster on the outside breaks. Camera pans over to the closed door and we see Wesley flying through it with a scream. He picks himself up, axe still in hand and runs up the stairs and back in through the broken door.
Wesley: "You'll pay for that." More sounds of fighting, then Angel steps through the door spattered with gore, sword in one hand, sheath in the other. Wesley follows him, looking disheveled, and also spattered with gore.
Wesley: "That was bracing." Angel wipes his sword off on his sleeve: "Yeah. Baby just hatched. Wouldn't want to run into him when he grows up and gets his drivers license."
Wesley laughs: "And thank you very much, Cordelia, for sending us to the wrong house. Another five minutes and that thing would have been loose in the world."
Angel sheathes his sword: "Huh, well, it all worked out."
Wesley: "This time. (Looks back at the broken door) Maybe we should clean up...(turns back to Angel) You think a Tahval demon leaves a hefty security deposit?"
Angel turns to go: "I'm sure of it."
Wesley: "Well, it's not my place, Cordelia works for you, but she doesn't seem to be paying attention to her duties lately."
Angel: "She's had a lot to deal with. I mean, Doyle's death, inheriting his visions, she's young. She's still trying to find her way in the world."
Wesley: "But we're not in the world. Demon hunters like us have a higher calling." Angel motions with a finger to his cheek: "You, uh..." Wesley mirrors his motion and wipes some gook of his cheek: "Thanks. I mean, no one is more fond about Cordelia than I, but if she wants to go gad-abouting with those doxies..." Angel walks past him with a smile: "I think they liked you."
Wesley follows him: "Really! I - I didn't mean doxy in the sexual promiscuous sense, exactly. I - I... You don't think sticking the axe in the wall put them off?" Angel as they walk by a lady in a bathrobe with curlers in her hair: "That was charming."
Wesley: "What about the fact that they thought we were gay?"
Angel: "Adds mystery."
Cut to the La Brea Lounge.
Bartender hands Sarina a drink: "Here you go."
Sarina: "Thanks."
Bartender: "Don't mention it."
Sarina: "I won't. But I'll tip for it. (Turns to a guy) Jason, mullah." Jason smiles at her and hands her a bill. Sarina hands it to the bartender.
Jason: "I'm not saying it was worthy of a kiss." Sarina kissed Jason as Emily comes over.
Emily: "I'm bored."
Sarina: "Emily, do you know what it takes to get in here?"
Emily: "Still bored."
Sarina: "Well, Cordy's not." Camera pans to show Cordy and Wilson sitting on a couch talking.
Wilson: "So you left Sunnydale and came to LA. What was that like?"
Cordy: "Like skydiving without a parachute (Wilson chuckles) except for the smashing your body to bits part. - Actually, no, it was like that, too. Oh, and that guy that was supposed to be here when you arrive..."
Wilson: "The guy?"
Cordy: "With the big bag of fame and fortune."
Wilson: "Oh, that guy."
Cordy: "So, what happened to him?"
Wilson: "He comes and goes. He's sort of fleeting that way."
Cordy: "Well, if you see him will you tell him to fleet my way?"
Wilson laughs and nods: "Thank you."
Cordy: "For what?"
Wilson: "For making me *not* hate dating. - Sarina is really something. I'm going to send her flowers (Cordy looks at him) for introducing you to me."
Cordy: "I knew that. (Laughs) God, for the first time I like LA. In high school I knew my place and, okay, it was a haughty place, and may be I was a *tad* shallow."
Wilson: "Oh, hey, nobody feels like they belong here. I mean that's the point of LA to make you feel as insecure as possible."
Cordy: "You don't feel that way."
Wilson: "Sure I do."
Cordy: "Right. You're doing what you came to LA to do. You're photographing all these gorgeous, famous people. Where is the insecure?"
Wilson: "In the pictures, which are further proof that everybody is having a real life, except me. I'm the guy behind the camera, watching and recording life, not - living it - each and every moment - like you."
Cordy: "Wow, I'm living life? Look at me."
Wilson: "Look at you."
Cut to Cordy unlocking the door to her apartment.
Cordy: "Well, here we are. (Turns around in the open door) Thank you for the club, and for driving me home, and listening to my entire life's story. I think I may have left out a couple of weeks in early 1987, but..."
Wilson: "I had a great time, and you didn't talk too much. I want to know everything about you."
Cordy: "Me, too. I mean, about you, not... because I already know (Wilson steps over the threshold) about me..." Cordy trails off as he kisses her.
Wilson: "Call you tomorrow?"
Cordy: "Uhm, you don't have to..."
Wilson laughs: "Call you?"
Cordy: "Go home? I mean, right away? It's still early (Wilson looks at his watch) in Australia. (They laugh) Will you come in?" Wilson walks in and looks around: "Nice." Cordy closes the door and dims the lights: "Yeah, compared to my old apartment, it's Buckingham Place."
Wilson: "You live alone, right?" The lights go bright again. Cordy goes to turn them back down: "In the sense that I'm the only one living here that's actually alive."
Wilson: "That was a yes, I think." Cordy as the lights brighten again: "Wiring. Old buildings."
Wilson: "Well, no worries. Besides I - I like looking at you."
Cordy: "Look the truth is that my dating game skills are kind of rusty. You're the first person I've had over in a long... well, - ever. (They laugh) So, I'm open to suggestions."
Wilson: "Music?"
Cordy: "Right. Music." She turns the radio on but it switches from the mellow music that was playing to some rousing Polka.
Wilson: "That's some jaunty Polka." Cordy laughs as she reaches back to turn the radio back off.
Wilson: "Oh, I know, I know, the wiring."
Cordy laughs: "How about some tea?"
Wilson: "That be great."
Cordy: "Okay." Cordy once she gets into the kitchen: "All right, Dennis, *knock it off*! This is the one guy, I've actually liked in a long time, and if you keep killing the mood, I'll kill *you*! (Gets the teakettle) All right, empty threat, you being a ghost and already dead and all. (Fills the kettle with water and sets it on the stove) But I'll do something *worse*! I'll play 'Evita' around the clock. (Puts her hands on her hips) The one with *Madonna*!"
Wilson walks up behind her: "Who are you talking to?"
Cordy spins around: "Uhm...my ghost. I have a ghost. He's jealous. (Grimaces and laughs) Kidding. The apartment's great, but things are always breaking and, uhm, and I have no one to complain to, so sometimes *just* to keep myself company I talk to myself." Wilson leans forward and kisses her. When he pulls back Cordy stares at him for a moment then leans in and kisses him.
Cut to the darkened bedroom and more kissing. Then they are laying on the bed and we get still more kissing and a glimpse of a bare back.
Cut to Cordy waking up the next morning.
Cordy turns around: "Wilson?" The bed beside her is empty and she reaches for the alarm clock. It's 10:47 am.
Cordy pushing herself up: "Uh-oh, somebody is going to be late for work." She pushes the blanket aside and stares at her hugely pregnant belly.
Cut to Cordy sitting up dressed in bed.
Cut to Angel and Wesley walking up to Cordy's door (they are under some kind of roof, so no direct sunlight).
Angel: "What time is it?"
Wesley: "Quarter past noon."
Angel: "I left two messages, she should have called back. (Bangs his fist on her door) Cordelia!"
Wesley: "Maybe she unplugged her phone. Or she slept somewhere else. (Wesley turns to go) Well, I guess we should... (Angel turns the knob, breaking the lock and walks in) break down her door and trespass."
Angel looks around the apartment: "Cordelia? -I'm getting a bad feeling here."
Wesley closes the door: "I thought it was just me."
Angel: "This isn't like her."
Wesley: "Avoiding her responsibilities? Lately it seems quite like her. (Angel opens the bedroom door) I'm sure it'll all work out once we...(The door swings open and we see them stare at Cordy sitting up in bed) Mother of God."
Cordy not looking at them: "Angel?"
Angel comes in: "It's alright. We're here."
Cordy: "I'm ready to wake up now. I - I don't seem to be - waking up. - Help me." Angel sits down on the edge of the bed: "We're going to. What do you remember?"
Cordy close to crying: "Well, we went to the club. And Wilson and I just sort of hid out on this couch and we talked and talked and then he drove me home and I asked him in. - He was really nice. And we ah, - you know? - It was normal. He was normal and it was safe, it was - it was all really safe!"
Angel: "Shh, shh. It's okay. Have you talked to Wilson?"
Cordy: "No. I haven't talked to anyone. What would I say to him? 'I had a really great time. I think you left something at my place'? I don't think this is right." Angel reaches for her cordless phone and holds it out to her: "What ever is happening to you, he may have some answers."
Cordy: "I can't."
Angel: "Just dial his number and I'll talk to him." Cordy takes the phone and dials: "Oh, God. I'm being punished."
Wesley: "You're certainly not being punished. This is... We'll get to the bottom of it." Angel takes the phone and hears: "The number you have reached has been disconnected, there is no new number at this time."
Angel hangs up: "He's not answering right now. I want you to rest, and we're going to handle this. Hey! You're not alone."
Cordy looking at her belly: "That's sort of the problem, isn't it? (Angel and Wesley look at each other) Could you - just leave me alone for now?"
Angel gets up: "We're going to be right outside." He and Wesley leave and close the door. The box of tissues floats up from the night stand and one of the tissues floats over to Cordy who takes it, blows her nose and blots at her eyes. The blanket moves up to her neck and Cordy sighs.
Cut to Angel hanging up the phone: "Thanks."
Wesley: "Any luck with your contact?"
Angel: "Wilson's home and business phones have been disconnected, no unlisted numbers, no forwarding addresses, no criminal record."
Wesley: "Well, that's something."
Angel sighs: "I'm guessing it's some kind of procrea-parasitic demon."
Wesley: "Hmm, a demon who can only reproduce by implanting a human woman with its seed. Yes, I've heard of such entities. - The human mothers..."
Angel: "Rarely survive labor, and the ones that do, wish they hadn't."
Wesley: "If she's that pregnant in one night, she could give birth at any moment."
Angel: "We have to move fast. You're gonna have to see what's inside her."
Wesley shocked: "I beg your pardon?"
Angel with a smile: "Pre-natal exam, Wesley."
Wesley: "Oh, of course. And what about you?"
Angel: "I'm going to find Daddy."
Cut to the La Brea Lounge. Angel walks up to the bar and clears his throat.
Bartender: "I didn't see you."
Angel: "I get that a lot."
Bartender: "What can I get you?"
Angel: "I need some help."
Bartender: "I'm kind busy."
Angel: "Yeah, I know. I won't take much of your time. A friend of mine was here last night. Her name is Cordelia. Big smile, really pretty?"
Bartender: "Yeah, we get a lot of that." Angel pulls out some money and lays it on the bar.
Bartender: "What's this?" Angel looks down at the bill under his hand then back up at the guy: "Probably an insult. I'm guessing that you're serving drinks day and night to jerks that think that they can buy anything."
Bartender comes around the bar: "Yeah, that be a good guess."
Angel: "One of those jerks hurt my friend. I need to find him, fast."
Bartender: "Who was it?"
Angel: "Wilson Christopher. (Bartender nods) Look, I want to know who his friends are, where they hang..."
Bartender: "Pretty much where ever Sarina tells them to."
Angel: "Sarina.'
Bartender: "Yeah. You know her?"
Angel: "Yeah."
Bartender: "They travel in packs. The guys have the money, the girls have the pretty. The girls decide what club's the flavor of the month and Sarina rules the girls."
Angel turns to go: "Thanks."
Bartender: "So, you're her boyfriend?"
Angel: "No. I'm family."
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cut to a hospital by Pershing Square. Cut to the waiting room.
Pregnant woman to Cordy: "Do you know what it is? (Cordy looks at her in shock) Boy or girl?" Wesley comes to sit down next to Cordy: "Shouldn't be long. (Leans forward and whispers) I told them that it was rather urgent."
Woman: "You're carrying low. I bet it's..." She reaches over towards Cordy and Cordy jumps in her chair freaked: "Shut up! Don't touch me!"
Cut to the doctor examining Cordy: "You're what, eight and a half months along?"
Wesley aside to Cordy: "Feels like only yesterday, doesn't it?"
Doctor: "Well, I see you left a lot of blanks on the patient information form. It would help to have the name of your previous doctor."
Cordy: "You're the only doctor we've been to..."
Wesley jumps in: "in California. We just moved here from England."
Doctor: "Lovely country. So, how are you feeling?"
Cordy: "I'm as big as a house, everything hurts, I..."
Doctor: "That's all normal at this stage. And once your little one comes out, which will probably be in no time, you'll feel a lot better."
Cordy: "God, it's a nightmare." The doctor and the nurse stare at Cordy.
Wesley takes Cordy's hand: "Hold on."
Doctor: "All right, Mrs. Penborn, why don't you lie back and see what's baking in the oven?" Cordy lies back with a sigh and the doctor and the nurse start the ultra sound.
Doctor: "Have you folks settled on a name yet? It's the hardest part for a lot of people. (Wesley standing next to Cordy giving her a reassuring smile. Doctor looks at the monitor) Hmm, looks like somebody is having twins."
Cordy and Wesley: "Twins?!?" Doctor still looking at the screen: "No, there is a third heartbeat."
Nurse stares: "There is another one." Wesley goes to look over the doctor's shoulder.
Doctor: "Five... six (Cordy stares at her belly and shakes her head) oh, my God!"
Cordy: "What is it? What's wrong?"
Doctor: "I - I'm sure it's nothing. But I - I'd like to withdraw - a little of the amniotic fluid just, just to make sure that everything is, ah... shipshape. (Cordy narrows her eyes at him) So, nurse, if you would prep Mrs. Penborn right away?" Wesley stares at the screen then looks over at Cordy.
Cut to Angel stepping out of an elevator in to a dimly lit hallway. He walks up to a door and knocks.
Angel: "Sarina?"
Sarina: "Just leave it outside."
Angel: "Sarina, it's Angel, Cordelia's friend. Can I come in?"
Sarina: "Okay." Angel walks in and looks around: "Sarina?" The apartment is dark lit only by some candles. Angel walks further and sees Sarina with her back to him lighting another candle.
Angel: "Sarina?" Sarina still with her back to him: "The light hurts my eyes lately."
Angel: "I know the feeling."
Sarina: "I thought you were the liquor store. (Lifts a bottle to her lips) I'm almost dry. (Drinks) I know what you're thinking. I shouldn't, right? (Turns around. She is as pregnant as Cordy) It'll hurt the baby? (Looks at her belly) I hope!"
Cut to the clinic.
Doctor syringe in hand: "I need to tell you that there is a point 5% chance of miscarriage from the procedure. Now, it's a very small risk..."
Cordy: "I'll take it."
Doctor: "Now, you'll feel a pinch. Just count backwards from five, and we'll be done."
Cordy: "5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - 1 - 1 - 1!" The doctor withdraws the needle and stares at the fluid: "All done. (Hands it to the nurse) Now, that wasn't too bad, was it? Now we'll just run a few tests..." The nurse turns back around staring at the syringe in horror: "Dr. Wasserman?" The syringe cracks and the nurse drops it and jumps back with a scream. Doctor looks at the syringe on the floor as the fluid starts to eat through the floor: "This is, uhm... (he and the nurse leave the room) Excuse me." Wesley bends down to get a closer look at the hole in the floor then looks over at Cordy, his mouth hanging open.
Cordy: "You saw what's inside of me?"
Wesley: "I think we should find Angel."
Cordy: "Wesley, please just tell me!"
Wesley doesn't look at her: "Cordelia..."
Cordy: "Do they look healthy?" Wesley stares at her.
Cut to Angel and Sarina.
Sarina: "It's like it's not real, but it is. Right? It's really happening?"
Angel blinks: "It's real. It's happening to Cordelia, too."
Sarina: "Oh, God. - I can't reach Jason. He's gone."
Angel: "So is Wilson." Sarina sits down on a couch: "I didn't know this would happen."
Angel: "But you knew something."
Sarina: "Yeah, I knew, I knew, I knew the guys, - Jason and Nick, and then Wilson wanted to meet Cordelia. I don't know. (Sighs) I knew something wasn't right. Their money..."
Angel: "What about their money?"
Sarina: "It's stupid. It kind of - smelled. (Sighs) I mean, *really* smelled. And sometimes the guys were like - jumpy. But this town, - you know? Everything is fake. Things are weird and you stop asking questions. - You sure this is really happening?" Angel sits down on the edge of the table in front of her: "Do you have someone you can call?"
Sarina: "I Call?"
Angel: "Family."
Sarina shakes her head: "No. No one. The guys seemed like they liked that. Wilson asked about Cordelia and I told him that she didn't have anybody either."
Angel: "Sarina, where can I find..." Sarina bends forward and screams. Blends into Cordy leaning forward and screaming. Wesley holds her as they ride down in the elevator to Angel's apartment.
Wesley leads her out: "It's all going to work out. You'll see, everything's going to be just fine."
Cordy: "I know it will be." Wesley leads her into Angel's bedroom: "There's a brave girl. I'm sure Angel won't mind if you rest in here. Just relax, get comfortable, well, ah, ha ,ha, as comfortable as is possible at any rate. (He covers her up with a blanket) Should you need anything, anything at *all*... I'll just..."
Cordy looks hard at him: "You're afraid."
Wesley: "What?"
Cordy: "You're afraid of what's inside of me. You think it's horrible. You think that I won't be able to handle it. That if I find out, I'll do something - bad."
Wesley: "Cordelia, the truth is I haven't yet formulated a theory. I need time to analyze the ultrasound and weigh the data, and - and the moment there is anything concrete to report..."
Cordy rubbing her belly: "There is 7 of them. There is 7 of his children - growing inside of me. They are talking to me. They're talking all at once. (To her belly) I can't understand." Wesley sits down on the edge of the bed: "Cordelia, I know how difficult this must be for you..."
Cordy: "No! You don't know."
Wesley: "All right."
Cordy whispers: "You don't know what it's like to be a partner in creation."
Wesley: "I - I - I just meant..."
Cordy: "Wesley..."
Wesley: "Yes?"
Cordy whispers: "They're not human."
Wesley whispers: "I imagine that's true."
Cordy: "But, I mean... that could be okay, right? I mean, look at Angel. He's not human. And Doyle, he wasn't either..."
Wesley: "Shh. Shh."
Cordy: "I mean, not totally. (Whispers) He was good." Wesley blots her forehead with a handkerchief: "Shh. Shh." Cordy sinks back into the cushions and closes her eyes with a sigh. Wesley pulls the blanket up to her chin, looks at her for a moment. He turns away to find Angel standing in the door to the bedroom. They look at each other for a moment then Wesley follows Angel into the main apartment.
Wesley: "Any luck locating Wilson?"
Angel: "Not yet. But I did find Cordelia's friend Sarina. She's a victim, too. As big as Cordelia. Wilson's rich buddies are in on it. (Starts flipping through a phone book) Four of them, maybe more, I don't know how many women they've impregnated." Wesley shows him a piece of paper: "And it's worse than you know. The ultra sound results. Seven heartbeats, at least, maybe more. And with multiple pregnancies..."
Angel: "Someone is raising an army."
Wesley: "An army of what?"
Angel: "Good question. We need to find the demon fathers." Wesley sees what section of the yellow pages Angel is looking at: "Gun clubs? Guns can kill them? Well, I say, that makes it easier."
Angel: "Sarina said Wilson and his buddies hang out at some private gun club. Guns and Cigars. She doesn't know where exactly. While I find them you should be narrowing down the species. Maybe we can figure out a way to terminate this without hurting her."
Wesley: "And if we can't?" Angel rips out a page and sighs: "Then we need to know what to do once they're born." Wesley follows Angel out of the living room: "Yes, well, it mustn't come to that. The odds of her even surviving are..." They stop as the enter the kitchen area and see Cordy standing in front of the open refrigerator gulping down blood out of a clear container. Some of it runs down her chin.
Angel swallows: "I don't think I ever realized just how disgusting that was. Get her back to bed."
Wesley: "Yes."
Angel: "Maybe order her a pizza or something."
Wesley: "Good idea."
Angel: "Uh..." Cordy puts the half-empty container back in the fridge, wipes the blood on her mouth on her sleeve and walks past them.
Cordy: "I was hungry."
Cut to Wilson shooting a pistol at the gun club. He takes his ear protection off and turns to find Angel standing behind him. Wilson takes off the safety glasses: "You shouldn't sneak up on people like that in here. (Drops out the empty magazine and puts in a new one) That's how accidents happen."
Angel: "Speaking of accidents. I'm a friend of Cordelia Chase."
Wilson: "This is a private club. Featured word - 'private'."
Angel: "You don't talk to me, I'll kick your ass. Featured word - 'ass'."
Wilson: "Angel, right? Her boss? (Turns and points his gun at Angel's neck) She told me all about you, man." Angel grabs his gun hand, making him drop the gun, then twists him around and wraps one arm around his throat: "Yeah, well, somehow, I doubt that. (Angel throws him against the wall) You're human. Then you can't be the father. (Wilson tries to get past Angel) So you and your friends are just a link. (grabs Wilson by the front of his shirt and pushes him up against a pillar) Huh? How does it work? Those things come to term, she'll die. You do know that?"
Wilson: "So? I'm not telling you anything."
Angel: "Was so hoping you'd say that." Angel hauls back and hits Wilson with a hard right. Wilson hits back, Angel blocks and hits him again, knees him in the stomach, then drops him on the floor with a left hook. Wilson's buddies come in just as Angel gets down to pull Wilson up and hit him again.
Nick: "Hey! Uhmm, - someone's mommy didn't teach him to play nice."
Wilson picks himself up: "You have no idea what you're dealing with."
Cut to Wesley comparing the picture from the ultra sound to some engravings of a demon in one of Angel's books using a magnifying glass.
Wesley: "Eeesh!" He jumps when he looks up to see Cordy standing next to him.
Cordy looking at the engraving: "That's him, isn't it?" She picks up the book to get a closer look.
Wesley: "I ask that you not overreact. Keep in mind that oft times these 16th century engravers tended to exaggerate. (Looks worriedly at Cordy's face) Cordelia? I - I know it seems dire, but now that we've identified the species, there is every chance that we will be able to stop what's happening to you. (Cordy looks at him) That's right. We mustn't lose hope." Cordy closes the book and slams it against the side of Wesley's head. He staggers against the table.
Cordy: " You're not going to hurt my babies. (She hits him again and he drops to the floor) No one is going to hurt *my* babies."
Cut to Angel and Wilson's buddies at the gun club.
Angel: "You know, I'm starting to get the big picture here. You guys proxy for big daddy demon, he imbues you with his life force or whatever it is you're implanting in these women."
Jason: "He's trouble finding his own dates. We just - help him out a little, that's all."
Wilson: "Shut up, Jason."
Angel: "And you get what in return, fame, money, success? That's it, isn't it? How else would losers like you get ahead? I mean, you'd have to become procreative surrogates for a vile demonic entity."
Jason with a smirk: "Well, mostly, I do it for the s*x."
Wilson: "Welcome to Los Angeles. There are worse things to be in business with." Angel gets right into Wilson's face: "Where is he? Where is this demon you worship?" Wilson smiles as Nick pulls a gun from under his sweater: "Even if we did tell you where to find him, it wouldn't matter, since you're about to have an accident." Wilson pushes Angel back, catches the gun Nick throws him and shoots Angel three times in the chest. Angel doubles over groaning. The guys' smirks disappear when Angel straightens up in vamp face. Angel kicking the gun out of Wilson's hand: "I really don't like it when people shoot me." Angel proceeds to beat the crap out of the four guys. At the end he kicks Wilson backward through a glass door then steps through after him and puts his foot on his face.
Angel: "Now you're going to tell me what I need to know."
Cut to Cordy walking into a deserted warehouse. The other pregnant girls are coming as well. They look at each other while we hear the sounds of their babies talking to them.
Cut to a phone booth. Cut to the phone ringing in Angel's apartment. Wesley pushes himself up off the floor holding his head. Cut to Angel in the phone booth digging bullets out of his chest with his fingers while he is waiting for some one to answer the phone. Cut to Wesley picking up the phone.
Wesley: "Hello?"
Angel: "Yeah, Wesley, it's Angel." Wesley picks his glasses off the floor: "Oh, Angel, thank God."
Angel: "I found Wilson. Whatever it is Cordelia is carrying around inside her, he's not the father."
Wesley: "I know. It's a Hacksaw beast, an inner earth demon. Oh, this is all my fault."
Angel: "How is that your fault?"
Wesley: "Cordelia ran off. I tried to stop her. She became insanely protective when I identified the Hacksaw as the father of her - her, ah, (picks up the open book) I fear she may have gone off to rendezvous with it."
Angel: "She has. Miliken Industrial Park in Reseda."
Wesley: "What?"
Angel: "That's where Wilson and his friends built their shrine."
Wesley flipping through the book: "How does Cordelia know that?"
Angel: "She's telepathically linked to its unborn. That's how it's controlling Cordelia."
Wesley: "Of course, a psychic umbilical cord. The Hacksaw's telepathic connection is what's sustaining its unborn spawn."
Angel: "So, all we have to do is cut the cord."
Wesley: "We slay this demon and poof! No more evil pregnancies. Well, this is good news. We can end this without harming the women. There is just one tiny problem."
Angel: "What's that?"
Wesley reading through book: "Well, I don't wish to use the words 'impossible to kill', but fire won't kill it, decapitation won't, - and it's really huge."
Angel: "Wesley, can you shoot straight?"
Wesley: "Beg your pardon?"
Cut to the girls changing into white robes. Led by Cordy they walk up some steps, then down into a big vat filled with some yellow-brown liquid. Wesley steps around a corner and sees them: "Cordelia!" He walks up to the edge of the vat: "Come out of there this instant! (Looks at the other women) All of you please!"
Cordy: "We don't expect you to understand."
Wesley: "I understand. (Walks up the steps to stand on the wide concrete rim of the vat, and crouches down beside Cordy) You'll die unless you come with me, and that is the most vile smelling filth I've ever had the displeasure of inhaling. Now don't make me come in there after you."
Cordy: "We serve our master."
Wesley: "Please come before..." The ground begins to shake with thundering footsteps. They all look at the huge Hacksaw demon stepping through a hole in the wall.
Demon: "Who is the interloper to think you could disturb the birth of my children? Who are you?"
Wesley stands up: "Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, rogue demon hunter. (Puts up his fists) And I'm here to fight you, Sir, to the death, - preferably yours."
Demon: "You?"
Wesley: "As a heathen I wouldn't expect you to be familiar with the biblical story of David and Goliath. But I assure you it's of particular relevance to this situation."
Demon: "You said you came here to do battle, then lets fight and be done." Wesley looks around then slowly inches closer to the demon on the rim of the vat: "Yes, well, - as a point of courtesy, - I like to get to know my opponents, before I engage them in mortal combat. Do you, ah - do you have any hobbies?"
Demon: "Enough talk. I'll come to you." Angel rolls a gas tank down a ramp drawing everyone's attention.
Angel walking down the ramp: "Sorry I'm late to the baby shower. Brought a little gift." Angel picks up the tank, spins and throws it like a discus up at the Hacksaw, who catches it easily out of the air. We see a label 'Liquid Nitrogen' on the front of the tank. Wesley pulls out a gun and shoots a hole in the tank. The Hacksaw drops the tank and a stream of liquid nitrogen shoots out of the hole up at him. The demon screams in the fog. The women in the vat scream, their bellies slowly deflating. Wesley and Angel stare as the demon turns into a Popsicle. The girls stop screaming. Cordy looks around then walks up the steps out of the vat. She walks up to Wesley, who backs a couple steps away from her, then grabs a big pulley hanging on a rope and swings it into the Hacksaw demon, shattering its frozen body.
Cordy: "I really hate dating."
Cut to Angel's office. Wesley is dusting Cordy's desk and computer. The board above the coffee machine has 'Welcome back Cordelia' written on it. Angel walks in and drops some magazines on her desk.
Angel: "She likes magazines. I got a few, you know, for when she comes back."
Wesley picks them back up: "Excuse me, I did just neaten this up for her." The door opens and Cordy come in.
Angel: "Cordelia. Hi. You look great."
Wesley: "Marvelous!"
Angel: "I mean it's only been two days. You didn't have to come in so soon."
Wesley: "Yes, if you need more time, Angel can manage. I've been helping out a little... (Angel rolls his eyes up as Wesley bends over the coffee machine) ..Someone forgot to close the filter again."
Angel leans towards Cordy: "Of course if you're ready to come back..."
Cordy smiles: "I'm fine. I had this great audition today for Max Crax, you know, the little crackers?"
Angel: "That's terrific."
Wesley: "Yes."
Angel: "Because, you know, a cracker is something everyone can.."
Wesley: "Eat."
Angel: "Eat."
Cordy with a big smile: "This producer was so nice. He said that I'm his first choice. - We're going out to dinner tonight." The guys look at each other.
Angel: "Uh-huh, tonight?" Cordy nods without looking up from her desk.
Wesley: "Well, best to get back on the horse, I suppose. If he seems..."
Cordy gushing: "He is so sweet. He says that all I have to do is let him impregnate me with his demon master's seed, and I've got the part. (Looks back over her shoulder and smiles at the guys, who look at each other then back at her) Guys, I appreciate all the concern, but I'm *okay*. I mean, it was an ordeal, but I got through it, - and I'm a lot stronger than those loser demon surrogates thought."
Angel: "I'm starting to learn that."
Cordy: "I learned something, too. I learned, uhm, - men are evil? Oh, wait, - I knew that. I learned that LA is full of self-serving phonies. No, - had that one down, too. Uh... s*x is bad?"
Angel with a smile: "We all knew that."
Cordy: "Okay. I learned that I have two people I trust absolutely with my life. - And that part's new." Wesley takes a deep breath, then looks away dabbing his handkerchief at his eye: "Uh, some, uh - allergies." Cordy smiles at Angel, who looks back at her trying not to laugh. | Plan: A: a photographer; Q: Who did Cordelia sleep with? A: Cordelia; Q: Who is pregnant with the spawn of a Haxil Beast? A: men; Q: What does the Haxil Beast use as sexual surrogates? A: a Haxil Beast; Q: What is Cordelia carrying the spawn of? A: a way; Q: What must Angel and Wesley find to break the demon's psychic control over its human incubators? A: an ordeal; Q: What is likely to be lethal to the hosts? Summary: After sleeping with a photographer she had seen a few times, Cordelia wakes up to find herself extremely pregnant; she and several other women are carrying the spawn of a Haxil Beast that uses men as sexual surrogates. Angel and Wesley must find a way to break the demon's psychic control over its human incubators before they deliver-an ordeal likely to be lethal to the hosts. |
[OPENING TITLES]
April, 1917
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON - MORNING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[A man rides a bicycle toward the abbey. A new valet, Henry Lang, prepares Robert's clothes. William works downstairs.]
Servant: A letter for you, William.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LIBRARY - MORNING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Hughes brings some flowers into the library and sees Mr Carson feeding the fireplace.]
Mrs Hughes: Why on earth are you doing that?
Mr Carson: Someone's got to.
Mrs Hughes: Yes, indeed, they do. And that someone is William or one of the maids. You're making work for yourself, Mr Carson, and I've no sympathy with that.
Mr Carson: I'm not asking for sympathy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - MORNING]
Mr Lang: I don't think y-you should be in--
Robert, Earl of Grantham: What? Oh, for heaven's sake, man! If something's wrong, put it right!
[Lang fixes Robert's uniform.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm sorry Lang, I don't mean to snap.
Mr Lang: Nothing to worry about, my lord.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: (sigh) You've been in the trenches, I have not. I've no right to criticise.
Mr Lang: I'm not a soldier now.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: You've been invalided out. That is perfectly honourable.
Mr Lang: Is it? I know people look at me and wonder why I'm not in uniform.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Then you refer them to me and I'll give them a piece of my mind. Hmm?
[They nod to each other.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - MORNING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Patmore reads a letter at a table, distressed. Daisy enters.]
Daisy: Penny for your thoughts.
Mrs Patmore: They're worth a great deal more than that, thank you very much.
[William enters with his letter.]
Daisy: What is it?
William: My papers. They've come. I've been called up.
Mrs Patmore: Oh. You never have.
Daisy: What does it mean?
William: I'm to report for my medical next Wednesday, and once I'm through that, I go to Richmond for training.
Daisy: And then you...go to war?
William: Will any luck. I'll be beggared if it's over before I get there.
Mrs Patmore: Well, if they'd listen to me, it'd be over by tea time.
William: Daisy, I wonder, would you give me a picture to take with me?
Daisy: I haven't got one.
William: Well, then have one taken on your afternoon off, please.
Mrs Patmore: That's enough. Let her get on with her work.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - MORNING]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: How's Thomas coming along? I wish he could be treated at our hospital here.
O'Brien: Well, it's only for officers.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Of course.
O'Brien: Although, ideally, he'd love to be transferred there to work.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: He won't be sent back to the front?
O'Brien: Not with his hand the way it is.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: It's such a pity he isn't under Dr Clarkson. We might have been able to influence him a bit.
O'Brien: I should hope so. Why, without this family and all the money you've spent, his precious hospital wouldn't exist at all.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Perhaps I'll ask his advice, you never know.
O'Brien: I was sure you'd have a good idea of what to do for the best.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. BATTLEFRONT TRENCHES - MORNING]
Matthew Crawley: Fancy a tour in England, Davis?
Davis: I assume you're [?] me on, sir.
Matthew Crawley: Not at all. General Sir Herbert Strutt has asked for my transfer to be his ADC. He's touring England to boost recruitment and he's remembered that I know Manchester and Yorkshire pretty well. It'll mean a couple of months at home and a promotion to captain. I can't object to that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LIBRARY - MORNING]
William: I've only got a few days before the medical, milady.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Go and tell your father.
[William nods.]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: You don't mind, do you, Carson?
Mr Carson: We must manage with no footman at all from next Wednesday. It'll be no different if we start now.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: And you've always got Lang.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: We wish you every good fortune. Don't we, darling?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: We certainly do.
[Robert reaches to shake William's hand.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Good luck, William.
William: Thank you, milord.
[Mr Carson and William exit.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: So, both my footmen have gone to the war while I cut ribbons and make speeches.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: And keep people's spirits up, which is very important.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: By God, I envy them, though. I envy their self-respect, and I envy their ability to sleep at night.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - DAY]
O'Brien: Mr Carson doesn't like the smell of cleaning materials in the servants' hall, not just before luncheon.
Ethel: Go on, Miss O'Brien, we don't want to be unfriendly, do we?
O'Brien: You obviously don't.
[O'Brien sees Lang's fingers shaking as he struggles to put the cap on the cleaner bottle.]
O'Brien: Nevermind. Finish it now you're started, but don't blame me if Mr Carson takes a bite out of you.
[Lang puts the bottle back on the table. Mr Molesley clears his throat as he enters.]
Mr Molesley: Hello, Mr Lang. Everything all right?
Mr Lang: Why do you say that?
Mr Molesley: No reason. I only meant I hope you're enjoying yourself. I know I would be in your shoes.
O'Brien: You never tried for the job, did you?
Mr Molesley: I never got the chance. I no sooner heard that Mr Bates was gone when he arrived.
[Molesley laughs, but no on joins in.]
O'Brien: What brings you here, Mr Molesley?
Mr Molesley: I was wondering if Anna was anywhere around.
Ethel: I could find her if you like.
Mr Molesley: Oh, no. Just give her this.
[He holds out a book and puts it on the table.]
Mr Molesley: We were talking about it the other day. I came across a copy in Ripon.
[Molesley leaves and Ethel picks up the book to read the title.]
Ethel: Elizabeth and Her German Garden. Whatever's that about?
O'Brien: It's about an invitation to talk some more, that's what.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL - DAY]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Goodbye, Dr Clarkson.
[Cora starts walking away.]
Dr Clarkson: Lady Grantham.
[She stops and Clarkson walks out to her.]
Dr Clarkson: I'd love to help, but it's not within my power to hook men from hither and thither as I please.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: It's not at all what I was asking.
Dr Clarkson: Forgive me, but I thought you were saying that you wanted Corporal Barrow to come and work here when he's fully recovered.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: I think it a credit to him that he wants to continue to serve in this way. After he's been wounded.
Dr Clarkson: Well, that it may be, but it's not for me to decide what happens next.
[Cora nods disappointedly and leaves.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mr Carson struggles to open a bottle of wine. He has to stop to take a breath.]
Anna: Mr Carson, are you quite well?
Mr Carson: Oh, leave me alone.
[He struggles some more and pulls the cork out of the bottle.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DINING ROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mr Carson serves the family luncheon.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: But after twenty-four hours, it just doesn't do it.
[Carson bumps into Violet's chair.]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Are you all right, Carson?
Mr Carson: Of course. That is, er, perfectly all right, Your Ladyship, thank you.
[Mr Carson goes to pour Robert a glass, but he holds up his hand.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Er, no.
Lady Edith: Cousin Isobel says Matthew's coming home in a fortnight. He's touring England with some general.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: We'll have a dinner when he's here.
[Mr Carson stops to look at Robert. He's not pleased.]
Lady Mary: I was going to ask Richard Carlisle about then. For Saturday to Monday.
[Carson takes a breath at the thought of another dinner.]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: You be careful, Mary. Sir Richard Mustn't think you're after him.
Lady Sybil: Isn't that the truth?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: The truth is neither here nor there. It's the look of the thing that matters. Ask Rosamund. It'll take the edge off it.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, that'd be nice. Like before the war.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: How can we manage a great pre-war house party without a single footman?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: My dear, Rosamund is not a house party. She's blood.
Lady Edith: I saw Mrs Drake when I went into the village. The wife of John Drake, who has Long Field Farm.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Yes. What did she have to say?
Lady Edith: Apparently their final able-bodied farmhand has been called up. They need a man to drive the tractor.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, hasn't Drake recovered from his illness? I thought he was better.
Lady Edith: No, he is. He's much, much better. But he doesn't drive. So I told her I could do it.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: What?
Lady Edith: I said I could drive the tractor.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Edith! You are a lady, not Toad of Toad Hall.
Lady Edith: Well, I'm doing it.
[Mary and Robert smile at her determination.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LONG FIELD FARM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Edith cycles to the farm.]
Lady Edith: Don't look so bewildered. It's simple. I will drive the tractor.
Mrs Drake: Well, can you do that?
Lady Edith: Absolutely. Can you hitch up the plough or whatever it is I'm dragging?
John Drake: Of course.
Lady Edith: When would you like me to start?
Mrs Drake: (laughs in shock) Well, I better get you something to wear, then.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - DAY]
Anna: Oh, I like a bit of life in a house, but I-- I just hope Mr Carson doesn't spontaneously combust.
Mrs Patmore: Erm, I had a letter yesterday.
Anna: Yes?
Mrs Patmore: It's my sister's boy. He's--he's with the Lancashire Fusiliers, only he's gone missing.
[Mrs Patmore puts on her glasses and pulls out the note.]
Mrs Patmore: Erm, "missing presumed dead" they call it.
Anna: Oh, no. How did it happen?
Mrs Patmore: Well, that's just it. They can't find out how it happened, why it happened, whether we can be sure it did happen or he isn't lying prisoner somewhere.
Anna: Why not ask His Lordship? He'll have friends in the war office. They can dig something up
Mrs Patmore: Oh, well n-- I don't like to bother him.
Anna: Why not? He's got broad shoulders.
Mrs Patmore: Oh.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Ethel watches Lang mend a jacket.]
Ethel: Oh, it's ever so fine, Mr Lang. However can you make those big hands do such delicate work? I expect there's no end to the things they could manage.
O'Brien: Giving you a slap for a start.
[Ethel pulls back and pouts.]
O'Brien: That is good. Very good. I like to see a proper skill. These days, blokes think they can be a valet if they can smile and tie a shoelace, but there's an art to it, and I can tell you've got it.
Mr Lang: My mother taught me. She was a lady's maid like you.
O'Brien: Well, she knew what she was about.
Mr Carson: Oh, Mr Lang.
[Lang stands hurriedly.]
Mr Carson: As you know, Sir Richard Carlisle arrives later and the Crawleys are coming for dinner tonight. I really can't have maids in the dining room for such a party, so I'd be grateful if you'd help me and play the footman.
Mr Lang: Me? Wait a table?
Mr Carson: Oh, it's not ideal, but I'm afraid I've no choice. The footman's liveries are in a cupboard just past Mrs Hughes's sitting room. You should find one to fit you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LIBRARY - DAY]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm not sure what I can do, but I'm happy to try. What's his name?
Mrs Patmore: Archie. That is, Archibald Philpots. He was in the Lancashire Fusiliers. They think he was in northern France.
[Robert writes it down.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: You realise the most likely outcome is that he has, indeed, been killed?
Mrs Patmore: I understand, milord. But we'd rather know the worst than wonder.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mm.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Anna walks down the corridor and Molesley enters.]
Mr Molesley: Ah.
Anna: Oh. Hello, Mr Molesley. What are you doing here?
Mr Molesley: I asked inside and they said you were over in the laundry.
Anna: Lady Mary wants to wear this tonight. I wasn't sure it was done.
Mr Molesley: I was really wondering if you'd had a chance to read that book.
Anna: You only gave it to me yesterday.
Mr Molesley: Of course, of course. But, when you have read it, I hope we can exchange our views.
Anna: That'd be nice. But perhaps we might bring some of the others in. We could have a sort of reading club.
Mr Molesley: We could do that. Er...or we talk about it together, just we two.
[Miss O'Brien walks by.]
Anna: Heavens, it's later than I thought. I must get on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[O'Brien fixes Cora's hair. Robert enters.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm off to change, but I wanted you to know I sent a note down to Clarkson, which should do the trick.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: What did you say?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Only that I gathered you'd asked a favour and, given that the estate shoulders the hospital costs, it did seem a little unfair if we weren't allowed a few perks.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Quite right. Thank you, darling.
[Robert smiles at her and exits.]
O'Brien: Well done, my lady.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LONG FIELD FARM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[John Drake hitches the tractor to a tree stump while Edith sits in the driver's seat]
Lady Edith: Ready?
John Drake: Ready!
[Edith has trouble with the clutch.]
Lady Edith: Come on, damn you.
[Edith changes gears and moves the tractor forward. It pulls the tree out by the roots. Drake cheers. Later, they drink in the barn.]
John Drake: To the victor the spoils.
[They toast.]
Lady Edith: Did you plant that tree?
John Drake: Steady on. It must be forty years old.
[They chuckle.]
Lady Edith: It's not a flattering light.
John Drake: My father planted it. But you have to be tough with free trees, not let them outstay their welcome.
Lady Edith: Farming needs a kind of toughness, doesn't it? There's room for sentiment, but not sentimentality.
John Drake: Beautifully put, if I may say so, my lady.
[Edith smiles at the compliment.]
John Drake: You should be a writer.
Lady Edith: Thank you.
[Mrs Drake comes in with a basket.]
Mrs Drake: How you getting on?
John Drake: Very well, I think.
Mrs Drake: And it's not too hard for you?
Lady Edith: Not at all.
John Drake: She's stronger than she looks.
Mrs Drake: I brought you something to eat, my lady. Though, I'm afraid it's not what you're used to.
[The dog sniffs at the basket.]
Mrs Drake: Hey, it's not for you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COURTYARD - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Thomas walks to Downton. O'Brien meets him in the courtyard as he smokes.]
O'Brien: So it is you. Ethel thought I must have a soldier fancy man.
Thomas: She the new maid?
O'Brien: Yes. She's a soppy sort. So, tell me, was Dr Clarkson thrilled to have your services?
Thomas: It's Major Clarkson now, but yes. I don't know how you did it.
[O'Brien smiles.]
O'Brien: What about your blighty?
[She nods to his hand. He pulls off the glove, showing how it was maimed by the bullet.]
O'Brien: My god.
Thomas: It's not so bad. And it lived up to its name and got me home.
O'Brien: You better come inside.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY]
Thomas: Where's William?
Daisy: Training for the army.
Thomas: I thought he might've died for love of you.
Daisy: Don't be nasty, not as soon as you're back.
Thomas: Imagine Carson without a footman. Like a ringmaster without a pony.
Mrs Hughes: We'll have none of your cheek, thank you, Thomas.
Thomas: I'm very sorry, Mrs Hughes, but I'm not a servant anymore. I take my orders from Major Clarkson. Who's this.
O'Brien: Ethel, the new maid I told you.
Ethel: When I saw you out there I didn't realise I was dealing with an ex-footman.
Thomas: I'm the one that got away.
Ethel: Gives hope to us all.
[Carson enters.]
Mr Carson: Ethel? Get ready to help with the luggage, they're nearly back with Sir Richard.
O'Brien: We've got a visitor, Mr Carson.
Mr Carson: I've seen him.
[Carson never bothers to look at Thomas and exits.]
Thomas: Where's Mr Bates?
O'Brien: Gone. Replaced by Mr Lang.
Thomas: So not all the changes were bad.
[Anna ignores him and continues her sewing.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Branson drives the car up to the front door and Sir Richard Carlisle gets out and greets Cora.]
Sir Richard Carlisle: Hello.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: We're so pleased to have you here, Sir Richard.
Sir Richard Carlisle: Lady Grantham.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Welcome.
Sir Richard Carlisle: Thank you.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: I hope the train wasn't too tiring.
Lady Rosamund: Hello, Mary.
Sir Richard Carlisle: Not a bit. No, I got a lot done.
Lady Mary: Hello Aunt Rosamund.
Lady Rosamund: Brother, dear.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: How are you?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Lovely to see you Rosamund.
[The family goes inside while Branson talks with Sir Richard's servants.]
Lady Mary: He's nice, isn't he?
Lady Rosamund: To be honest, he spent the entire journey reading his own papers. But I'm sure I'll love him dearly if he'll ever look up from a page.
[Rosamund and Mary enter the house. Cora comes out for a moment.]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Branson, when you've finished unloading, run down to the hospital and remind Lady Sybil that we expect her here for dinner. And tell her I mean it. Really. They're working her like a pack horse in a mine.
[Cora turns to go.]
Branson: I think she enjoys it, though.
[Cora stops and turns around to put him in his place.]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Please tell her to come home in time to change.
[Branson nods grimly and returns to the car.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL - DAY]
Lady Sybil: I can't possibly come! Really, Mama is incorrigible!
Isobel Crawley: It's not poor Branson's fault.
Lady Sybil: But what is the point of Mama's soirees? What are they for?
Isobel Crawley: Well, I'm going out for dinner tonight and I'm glad. Is that wrong?
[Thomas walks in with some blankets.]
Isobel Crawley: Thomas, you can cover for Nurse Crawley, can't you?
Thomas: I can.
[Thomas starts making up a bed and Branson approaches him.]
Branson: So you're back, then. Safe and sound.
Thomas: That's not how I'd put it with my hand the way it is, but yes. Major Clarkson's found me a place and I'm grateful.
Lady Sybil: Can you give Lieutenant Courtenay his pills?
Thomas: Of course I can. I'd be glad to.
[We see Lt. Courtenay sitting in a bed with his eyes covered in bandages.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING]
Mrs Hughes: Is everything under control?
Anna: Mr Lang seems a bit nervous.
[Mrs Hughes dismisses it with a wave.]
Mrs Hughes: Stage fright. But what about you?
Anna: Oh. I'm a trooper. And we can't complain, can we? Not when you think what's going on in France.
Mrs Hughes: Still. A broken heart can be as painful as a broken limb.
Anna: Don't feel sorry for me, Mrs Hughes. I'm not. I know what real love is and there aren't many who can say that. I'm one of the lucky ones.
Mrs Hughes: If you say so.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]
Sir Richard Carlisle: So the fashion for cocktails before dinner hasn't reached Yorkshire?
Lady Mary: I could get Carson to make you one, but I won't guarantee the result.
Mr Carson: Mrs Crawley, Captain Crawley, and Miss Swire.
[Mr Carson steps aside for them to enter.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Ah. Isobel.
[Matthew steps forward.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, now. Still in one piece. Thank God.
Matthew Crawley: Touch wood.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I never stop touching it.
Lady Mary: Do you know Sir Richard Carlisle? My cousin, Captain Crawley.
Sir Richard Carlisle: How do you do?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: And his fiancé, Miss Swire.
Sir Richard Carlisle: I know Miss Swire. Her uncle and I are old friends.
Lavinia: Well, old acquaintances, anyway.
[Across the room, Sybil speaks with her aunt.]
Lady Sybil: What do you think Mary sees in him?
Lady Rosamund: Besides the money, you mean?
Lady Sybil: It must be more than that.
Lady Rosamund: For you. Not necessarily for her.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: What is General Strutt like?
Matthew Crawley: Well, you know. Rather important. And brave. He got the [?] in Africa.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Is there any chance it might be permanent? That we can count you out of danger? It would be such a relief.
Matthew Crawley: I wouldn't want that, I'm afraid. He's promised to get me back to France when he's done with me. How's your new appointment with the North Ridings working out?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, that. It seems I won't be going to the front after all. I made a mistake. They only wanted a mascot.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Mary tells me you're in newspapers?
Sir Richard Carlisle: Well, I own a few.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Ah. That must be quite a responsibility at a time like this, you know, in a war. When it's so important to keep people's spirits up.
Sir Richard Carlisle: Lady Grantham, my responsibility is to investors. I need to keep my readership up. I leave the public spirits to government propaganda.
[Mary approaches.]
Lady Mary: So now you've met Granny. I warn you, she has very strong opinions.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, you need have no fear where that's concerned, my dear. We're more than evenly matched.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - EVENING]
Mr Carson: Where are the spoons for this?
Daisy: Just here.
[Daisy hands them to Carson.]
Mr Carson: Oh my God, I've forgotten the sauce.
Anna: Mr Lang's bringing the sauce, and the Melba toast.
Mr Carson: Right. Right. Good.
Anna: Now, Mr Lang, are you ready?
Mr Lang: I think so. Now, it's always the left, and not ladies first?
Anna: No. Just follow Mr Carson. Start with Old Lady Grantham, then His Lordship, then just go on round. You must have done this before.
Mr Lang: Not since the war started.
Daisy: I don't think I ever knew that. Why i'n't it just ladies first? Wouldn't it be more polite?
Anna: That's the way it's done on the continent, and we don't like foreign ways here.
[INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I gather your footman Thomas has returned to the village. No.
[Violet refuses the sauce Lang offers.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Crikey. Where did you see him?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: At the hospital. Seems he's working there.
[Lang walks around Carson, past Robert to serve Lady Rosamund.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I wonder how he wangled that.
Mr Carson (whisper to Lang): Get back behind me!
Sir Richard Carlisle (background): Not as well as I should.
[Carson and Lang switch places and Lang serves Robert the sauce. Robert and Rosamund speak in low tones to avoid being overheard.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: What do you make of our [?]?
Lady Rosamund: He's an opportunity. Mary needs a position, and preferably a powerful one. He can provide it.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: You don't think she'd be happier with a more traditional set up?
Lady Rosamund: Will she have the option?
[Lang continues down the table to Rosamund.]
Lady Rosamund: Thank you, but I already have some.
Mr Carson: No, no. Give that to me.
[Lang tries to hand Carson the sauce, but Carson drops it and it spills all over Edith.]
Mr Carson: I--I do apologise, my lady. I-- Mr Lang, get a c--
[Mr Carson seizes up.]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Carson?
[The entire table stands up to help Carson.]
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Carson, what's the matter?
Lady Mary: Carson, it's all right. Everything will be fine.
[Isobel sits Carson down in her chair.]
Isobel Crawley: Edith, go with Branson and fetch Major Clarkson. I'll telephone and explain what's happened.
Lady Edith: What about my dress?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Edith! We'll get you a coat! Come.
Lady Mary: Sybil will know what to do until the doctor comes.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: You'll find there's never a dull moment in this house.
Matthew Crawley: Lady Sybil and I will take him upstairs. Mrs Hughes will show us the way, please.
Lady Mary: I can help.
Lady Sybil: No, let me. I know what I'm doing.
[Still rather incapacitated, Carson still protests.]
Mr Carson: I'm sure that's not necessary, my lady.
Lady Sybil: It's not milady now, Carson.
Mrs Hughes (whisper): Mr Lang!
Lady Sybil: It's Nurse Crawley.
Mrs Hughes (whisper): Mr Lang! Come on.
[Mrs Hughes leads him to the doorway where the maids are standing.]
Mrs Hughes (whisper): Anna and Ethel, I must trust the dinner to you.
Ethel: Well, I'd say the first course is a thing of the past.
Mrs Hughes (whisper): Then clear and lay the hot plates. Daisy, you fetch the beef and the rest of it, and Anna, you'll have to serve the wine.
[The girls take off.]
Mrs Hughes (whisper): Mr Lang, you can clear up the mess.
O'Brien: I'll do that.
Mrs Hughes (whisper): There's no need.
O'Brien: I don't mind.
Mrs Hughes (whisper): I thank you. Mr Lang, you better go downstairs.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well...Clarkson's seen him. It's definitely not a heart attack, but he does need rest.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: He's working much too hard. For a start, he's just got to let the maids serve in the dining room.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Quite right. There is a war. Even Carson has to make sacrifices.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Poor Lang. He looked like a rabbit in front of a snake.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I don't understand it. He seemed so solid when I met him, even taciturn. Now he's a bundle of nerves.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: I heard what you said to Matthew about the regiment.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Everyone else knows what a fool I made of myself, why shouldn't he?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: I don't think you're a fool. Isn't that enough?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: No. Maybe it should be, but it isn't.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. VALET'S BEDROOM - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lang stands in his room, eyes closed, bombs and gunfire echoing in his mind.]
O'Brien: You all right, Mr Lang?
[Lang is startled out of his trance.]
O'Brien: You're not, are you? I've seen shellshock before, you know. I had a brother with it. My favourite brother, as it happens. And I was his favourite, too. They sent him back and he's dead now.
Mr Lang: They won't send me back. I'm a gonner as far as they're concerned.
O'Brien: You shouldn't be working yet.
Mr Lang: I must work. I don't know what to do, else. I have to work.
Mrs Hughes: Mr Lang, I thought you'd gone up.
O'Brien: He wanted to hang up the livery before it got creased.
Mrs Hughes: We can discuss the dinner another time. I'll say goodnight.
O'Brien: Goodnight, Mrs Hughes.
Mr Lang: Goodnight.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' BEDROOM CORRIDOR - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mary knocks on Mr Carson's door, then opens it.]
Lady Mary: May I come in?
[Carson struggles to sit up in bed.]
Mr Carson: How very kind of you, my lady, but do you think you should?
Lady Mary: Let's hope my reputation will survive it. And rest easy, please.
[Mary sits in the chair near the bed.]
Lady Mary: I gather it isn't too serious?
Mr Carson: Agh, I've been very stupid, my lady. I let myself get flustered. I regard that as highly unprofessional. It won't happen again.
Lady Mary: You mustn't be too hard on yourself.
Mr Carson: I was particularly sorry to spoil things for Sir Richard, knowing he was a guest of yours.
Lady Mary: Don't be. I think he found it all quite exciting.
Mr Carson: Will we be seeing a lot of him?
Lady Mary: I don't know. (shrugs) Maybe.
Mr Carson: And Captain Crawley. Is he happy with the changes, so to speak?
[Mary looks down and Carson reads her feelings.]
Mr Carson: May I give you one piece of advice, my lady? Tell him what's in your heart. If you still love him, let him know. Then even if he's killed - and he may be - you won't be sorry. But if you don't tell him, you could regret it all your life long.
Lady Mary: And what about Miss Swire?
Mr Carson: (scoffs) Miss Swire. As if any man in his right mind could prefer Miss Swire to you.
[Mary smiles and Mrs Hughes enters.]
Mrs Hughes: Oh, I'm so sorry, milady. I didn't know you were in here.
Lady Mary: I was just going. Carson's been boosting my confidence.
[Carson smiles affectionately at her and she leaves.]
Mrs Hughes: That's something I'd never have thought she was short of.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Thomas sits on the bed next to the blinded Courtenay.]
Thomas: What about you, sir? What did you do before the war started?
Lt. Courtenay: I was up at Oxford. But I only ever planned to farm. Farm. And shoot. And hunt. And fish. And everything I'll never do again.
Thomas: You don't know that, sir. We've had cases of gas-blindness wearing off.
Lt. Courtenay: Rare cases, and much sooner than this. It doesn't help me to be lied to, you know. I'm finished. And I'd rather face it than dodge it.
Thomas: I better go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Robert and Cora, and Mary and Sir Richard walk through woods and fields.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Where's Rosamund?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: She's with your Mama, trying to talk her into the idea of Sir Richard.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: You don't sound very enthusiastic.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Are you?
[A few paces behind.]
Sir Richard Carlisle: Can we stop for a minute?
Lady Mary: Don't tell me you're tired.
Sir Richard Carlisle: I'm not tired, I'm hot. This tweed is too thick.
Lady Mary: It looks more suited to shooting than walking.
Sir Richard Carlisle: I had it made for the weekend. I didn't know there was a difference.
Lady Mary: It doesn't matter.
Sir Richard Carlisle: That's like the rich who say money doesn't matter. It matters enough when you haven't got it.
Lady Mary: I know you don't care about our silly rules. You're always very clear on that score.
Sir Richard Carlisle: You make me sound rude, and I hope I'm not that. I mean to learn how to do things properly, and I'm sure you could help me a lot. But I'm not ashamed of being what they call a self-made man. I'm proud of it.
Lady Mary: Is the point of all this to test me in some way?
Sir Richard Carlisle: Maybe. Are you shocked by my bold and modern values?
Lady Mary: Oh, Sir Richard, you flatter yourself. It takes a good deal more than that to shock me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. THE DOWER HOUSE - DAY]
Lady Rosamund: But Mama, who do you imagine is out there with more to offer?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I am not a romantic.
Lady Rosamund: I should hope not.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: But even I will concede that the heart does not exist solely for the purpose of pumping blood
Lady Rosamund: That is charming. Especially from you. But Mary seems to have...blotted her copy book in some way.
[Rosamund waits, trying to gage her mother's reaction.]
Lady Rosamund: So she needs a suitable marriage that will mend her fences.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Well, how do we know Carlisle is suitable? I mean, who is he? Who'd ever heard of him before the war?
Lady Rosamund: Sir Richard is powerful and rich, and well on the way to appear rich. Of course, he may not be all that one would wish, but Mary can soon smooth off the rough edges.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Well, you should know.
Lady Rosamund: What do you mean by that? Marmaduke was a gentleman.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Marmaduke was the grandson of a manufacturer.
Lady Rosamund: His mother was the daughter of a baronet.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Maybe. But they were no great threat to the Plantagenets.
Lady Rosamund: The point is, I made up for any social deficiencies, and he provided me with a position. It was a good exchange, and it worked well.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: How can Matthew have chosen that little blonde piece?
Lady Rosamund: You speak so eloquently of the human heart, Mama. You must be aware of its...vagaries.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Thomas reads Lt. Courtenay's post to him.]
Thomas: "Things cannot be as they were and, whatever you might think, Jack has your best interest at heart."
Lt. Courtenay: Stop.
Thomas: Who's Jack?
Lt. Courtenay: My younger brother. He means to replace me. It's what he's always wanted.
Thomas: Yeah, well...
Lt. Courtenay: I'm sorry. I mustn't bore you.
Thomas: Don't let him walk all over you. Go fight your [?].
Lt. Courtenay: What with?
Thomas: Your brain. You're not a victim, don't let them make you into one.
Lt. Courtenay: You know, when you talk like that, I almost believe you.
Thomas: You should believe me. All my life they've pushed me around...just 'cause I'm different.
Lt. Courtenay: How? Why are you different?
Thomas: Nevermind. Look. Look, I d-- I don't know if you're going to see again or not, but I do know you have to fight back.
[Courtenay pat's Thomas's knee in thanks. Thomas grasps his hand back.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Rosamund pauses on her walk when she hears Lavinia.]
Lavinia: How dare you threaten me.
[Carlisle has a hold on Lavinia's wrists.]
Sir Richard Carlisle: How dare I? Oh, I assure you, I dare a great deal more than that.
Lavinia: You can't. You wouldn't.
Sir Richard Carlisle: I didn't say I would. I was merely reminding you it was in my power.
[Rosamund lingers on her walk and Lavinia and Carlisle catch sight of her.]
Sir Richard Carlisle: Lady Painswick.
Lady Rosamund: Lady Rosamund.
Sir Richard Carlisle: I'm sorry. I'll get these things sorted out before too long.
Lady Rosamund: It's not important.
Sir Richard Carlisle: Miss Swire and I were just talking about old times.
Lavinia: Happy old times, I hope. Will you forgive me? I want to write some letters before dinner.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LONG FIELD FARM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Edith continues to help out on the farm.]
John Drake: Let's have a rest. We've earned it.
[Drake fetches a couple of beers.]
John Drake: I should've gone in for a glass. I don't suppose you can drink out of a bottle, can you milady?
Lady Edith: I wish you'd call me Edith. And of course I can drink from the bottle.
[They drink.]
Lady Edith: Would you like me to teach you to drive?
John Drake: Not much. Then you wouldn't come here no more.
[Edith smiles.]
John Drake: Although, that wouldn't matter to you.
Lady Edith: Why do you say that?
JOHN DRAKE (sigh) You're pretty and clever and fine. You're from a different world.
[Mrs Drake comes around the cart with a couple of pails and a sour expression.]
Mrs Drake: Is something wrong?
John Drake: No. Just having a break.
Mrs Drake: Because you want to get into town to fetch the bone meal. And be back in time to feed the cows before it's dark.
Lady Edith: They could always have a midnight feast.
[Drake and Edith laugh. Mrs Drake nods and glares at her husband.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, EXERCISE YARD - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Sybil and Thomas are teaching Lt. Courtenay how to walk with a cane.]
Thomas: That's it. That's right, sir. If you move the stick fast enough, you don't have to slacken your pace.
Lady Sybil: And check the width of the space as well as any possible obstruction.
Dr Clarkson: Lieutenant Courtenay!
[Clarkson approaches.]
Dr Clarkson: Well done. You're making good progress.
Lt. Courtenay: Thanks to my saviours.
[Sybil smiles and Thomas salutes the major.]
Dr Clarkson: So you'll be pleased to hear that we're all agreed that it's time for you to continue treatment elsewhere.
Lt. Courtenay: What?
Dr Clarkson: At Farley Hall. You're not ill anymore. All you need is time to adjust to your condition, and the staff at Farley can help with that.
Lt. Courtenay: But, sir, these two are helping me here.
Dr Clarkson: Nurse Crawley and Corporal Barrow are not trained in specialist care.
Lt. Courtenay: Please. Don't sent me away. Not yet.
Thomas: Sir, surely we--
[Dr Crawley shoots Thomas a look.]
Dr Clarkson: Lieutenant, you must know that every one of our beds is needed for the injured and dying from Arras. Mm?
[Dr Clarkson pats Courtenay on the arm.]
Dr Clarkson: Corporal, I'll see you in my office.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DR CLARKSON'S OFFICE - DAY]
Thomas: Sir, I only meant to say that Lieutenant Courtenay is depressed.
Dr Clarkson: I will not leave wounded soldiers freezing or sweating under canvas because one junior officer is depressed!
[A knock at the door.]
Dr Clarkson: Yes!
Lady Sybil: I thought you may want to know what I think.
Dr Clarkson: Why should I? Nurse Crawley, I may not be your social superior in a Mayfair ballroom, but in this hospital, I have the deciding voice. Please help him prepare his belongings. He leaves first thing in the morning.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MR CARSON'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Hughes sits by Mr Carson's bed, giving him the household updates.]
Mrs Hughes: Anna and Ethel will wait at the table and I will supervise. What's wrong with that?
Mr Carson: Nothing. Except that it's how a charted accountant would have his dinner served.
Mrs Hughes: I can think of worse insults.
Mr Carson: If you say so. B--but I don't want Lang allowed anywhere near it. Oh, Mr Bates, where are you when we need you?
[Mrs Hughes stands.]
Mr Carson: Can you bring me the wine ledgers and I'll make a selection?
Mrs Hughes: His Lordship's already done that. Just try to rest.
Mr Carson: To rest? Or to feel redundant?
Mrs Hughes: Both, if it'll slow you down for a minute and a half. The world does not turn on the style of a dinner
Mr Carson: My world does.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
Lady Rosamund: How does he know Miss Swire?
Lady Mary: What?
Lady Rosamund: Miss Swire. They were in the garden when I came back from Mama's.
Lady Mary: I suppose they met in London.
[Anna enters.]
Anna: Would you like me to come back later, milady?
Lady Rosamund: No, come in. I was just leaving.
Lady Mary: How's Carson getting on?
Anna: Oh, much better, milady. Mrs Hughes is having a job keeping him in bed.
Lady Mary: He gave me some advice last night.
Anna: Oh yes? Was it good advice?
Lady Mary: It was about honesty. He thinks I should say what I really feel.
Anna: Sounds a bit wild for Mr Carson.
Lady Mary: Do you think he's right?
Anna: Well, they do say honesty's the best policy, and I think you regret being honest less often than you regret telling lies.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, WARD - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[We see a pool of blood on the floor, and a nurse rushes out of the ward. Lt. Courtenay has slit his wrists.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, CORRIDOR - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Thomas cries.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, EXERCISE YARD - DAY]
Dr Clarkson: He must've smuggled a razor into his bed. There was nothing to be done.
Lady Sybil: It's because we ordered him to go.
Isobel Crawley: We don't know that.
Dr Clarkson: This is a tragedy, I don't deny it. But I cannot see what other course was open to me. He have no room for men to convalesce here and Farley is the nearest house I can send them to.
Isobel Crawley: There is a solution and it's staring us in the face. Downton Abbey.
DR CLARKSON (scoffs) Would the ever allow it?
[A revelation occurs to Sybil and Clarkson.]
Dr Clarkson: Or even consider it?
Lady Sybil: I think they would. After this, I think they can be made to.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY]
Lady Mary: But Sir Richard, you don't have to
Sir Richard Carlisle: Richard. Please.
[Mary nods.]
Sir Richard Carlisle: You see, I want you to marry me.
Lady Mary: Why?
Sir Richard Carlisle: Because I think very highly of you.
Lady Mary: Very highly. Goodness.
Sir Richard Carlisle: I mean it. I think we'd do well together. We could be a good team.
Lady Mary: Now that sounds better. But I can't help thinking that tradition demands a little mention of love.
Sir Richard Carlisle: Oh, I can talk about love and moon and June and all the rest of it, if you wish, but we're more than that. We're strong and sharp, and we can build something worth having, you and I. If you'll let us.
Lady Mary: Your proposal is improving by leaps and bounds. You must give me some time, but I promise to think about it. Properly.
Sir Richard Carlisle: I'm counting on it.
[He tips his hat to her and boards the train.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT/INT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Branson carries a basket to the hospital where wounded soldiers are piling out of hospital trucks. Sybil settles the wounded while Isobel directs them to their beds. Branson brings the basket to Sybil.]
Isobel Crawley: Right to the other end, that way.
Branson: Her Ladyship had Mrs Patmore make this up for you so you could eat something during the day.
Lady Sybil: Oh, I won't have time.
Matthew Crawley: Clarkson.
[Matthew nods to the doctor as he enters.]
Isobel Crawley: Oh, Matthew. I'm afraid I'm very busy, as you can see.
Matthew Crawley: I just want to help.
[Dr Clarkson points some stretcher bearers to a bed.]
Dr Clarkson: It's right over there.
[They move the man onto a bed and Matthew wanders aimlessly among the beds in shock.]
Branson: Is it what you thought it would be?
Lady Sybil: No. No, it's more savage and more cruel than I could've imagined, but I feel useful for the first time in my life, and that must be a good thing. Matthew, are you busy?
Matthew Crawley: No, of course not.
[Matthew helps a man into bed.]
Matthew Crawley: Quite safe.
[Isobel continues directing the wounded.]
Branson: So you wouldn't go back? To your life before the war?
Lady Sybil: No. No, I can never go back to that again.
[Sybil goes about her work and Branson watches her for a moment.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. CRAWLEY HOUSE, GARDEN - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mary approaches the Crawley's house and finds Lavinia crying in the garden.]
Lady Mary: Lavinia? What's the matter?
Lavinia: Are you looking for Matthew?
Lady Mary: I was. But it's not important.
[Mary sits down next to her.]
Lady Mary: Tell me what it is. Please.
Lavinia: He has to go a day early. Tomorrow morning, in fact.
Lady Mary: Only to meet his general, surely? Not back to France.
Lavinia: But he must go back one day. And I can't stop thinking about what I'd do if anything happened to him.
Lady Mary: I know he'll be all right.
Lavinia: No you don't. None of us do. We say that sort of thing, but we don't know. If he died, I don't think I could go on living.
[Matthew approaches.]
Matthew Crawley: What you doing?
Lavinia: Excuse me.
[Lavinia walks past Matthew to the house.]
Lady Mary: Lavinia's a bit upset.
Matthew Crawley: She's awfully cut up that I have to go early, but it's only to Coventry, which doesn't sound too dangerous.
[Mary smiles.]
Matthew Crawley: If you're looking for Mother, she's at the hospital. I've just come from there.
Lady Mary: Actually it's you I came to see.
Matthew Crawley: Oh? How can I help?
Lavinia: Mary, can you stay for luncheon?
Lady Mary: I can't. But thank you.
[Lavinia returns to the house.]
Matthew Crawley: So, what was your mission?
Lady Mary: Just to say...
[Mary hesitates, but she can't say it.]
Lady Mary: We hope you're still coming for dinner tonight.
Matthew Crawley: Certainly we are. Why wouldn't we?
Lady Mary: Sure? It'll be your last evening.
Matthew Crawley: Why? Don't you want me?
Lady Mary: Of course I want you. Very much.
Matthew Crawley: I'm sorry you've had a wasted journey.
Lady Mary: Not at all. I needed an excuse for a walk. I'll see you at eight.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY]
Anna: Ethel said you wanted me.
Mr Molesley: No, no. I just needed a word with you.
Anna: If it's about that book, I'm afraid--
Mr Molesley: No, no. It's not about the book.
Anna: What is it then?
Mr Molesley: I understand that Mr Bates is gone. For good.
Anna: Yes. I believe that's true.
Mr Molesley: So, I was hoping we might be able to see a little more of each other.
Anna: Mr Molesley...I take this as a real compliment.
Mr Molesley: But it's not going to happen.
Anna: No. You see...if you had a child and that child was taken from you. If--if the child was sent to the moon, there'd never be one day when they were out of your thoughts. Nor one moment when you weren't praying for their welfare, even if you knew you'd never see them again.
Mr Molesley: And that's you and Mr Bates.
Anna: That's me and Mr Bates. But thank you.
[Molesley puts on a smile and Anna leaves.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LONG FIELD FARM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Edith and Drake finish up some chores.]
John Drake: I've kept you too long. You better get back or they'll come looking for you.
Lady Edith: We've done a lot, haven't we?
John Drake: We have. I'll be forced to invent some tasks. They'll be no need for you to come much more.
Lady Edith: Then start inventing, please.
John Drake: I will. 'Cause I'd hate it if you were to stay away.
Lady Edith: So would I. I'd absolutely hate it.
[Edith and Drake kiss.]
John Drake: I can't believe I've done that.
Lady Edith: I'm awfully glad you did.
[Mrs Drake watches them.]
John Drake: You'd have me thrown in the Tower.
Lady Edith: Only if they give me the key.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - EVENING]
Mrs Patmore: Fold it in, don't slap it. You're making a cake, not beating a carpet.
[Robert walks in.]
Mrs Patmore: Oh. I'm sorry, Your Lordship. I didn't see you there.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: It's quite all right, Mrs Patmore. I wonder, is there somewhere we could have a word?
Mrs Patmore: Er, er...
Mrs Hughes: Why not go into my sitting room?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Please sit.
[He closes the door and they sit.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I do have some news of your nephew. I telephoned the war office and they've just come back to me, but I'm afraid it's not good news.
Mrs Patmore: I--I knew he was dead all along. I-- I said so to my sister. I said, "Kate", I said, "He's gone and you'll have to face-- "
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mrs Patmore, it's worse than that.
Mrs Patmore: What can be worse than being dead?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Private Philpots was shot for cowardice on the 17th of February.
Mrs Patmore: Oh my God.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: This explains why the regiment was reluctant to supply information.
[Robert stands up and opens the door while Mrs Patmore begins to cry.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mrs Hughes, could you come in, please?
[Mrs Hughes enters and Robert closes the door.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mrs Patmore has had some bad news. Her nephew has been killed.
Mrs Hughes: Oh, he never has.
Mrs Patmore: And that's not all.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: It is all. Mrs Patmore.
[Mrs Hughes takes Mrs Patmore's hand.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Let us make sure it is all. Your sister needs to know no more than this. We cannot know the truth. We should not judge.
[Robert nods to Mrs Hughes]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I think it's a ridiculous idea!
Lady Sybil: Why?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Because this is a house, not a hospital.
Lady Mary: But, Granny, a convalescent home is where people rest and recuperate.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: But if there are relapses? What then? Amputation in the dining room? Resuscitation in the pantry?
Cora, Countess of Grantham: It would certainly be the most tremendous disturbance. If you knew how chaotic things are as it is.
Isobel Crawley: But when there's so much good can be done.
[Violet slams her cane on the floor.]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I forbid it. To have strange men prodding and prying around the house, to say nothing of pocketing the spoons. It's out of the question.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: I hesitate to remind you, but this is my house now. Robert's and mine, and we will make the decision.
[Cora gets up and takes a drink from Mrs Hughes.]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh, I see. So now I'm an outsider...who need not be consulted.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Since you put it like that, yes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: What was it like at the hospital today?
[Matthew looks haunted.]
Matthew Crawley: At the front...the men pray to be spared, of course...but if that's not to be...they pray for a bullet that kills them cleanly. For too many of them today, that prayer had not been answered.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - EVENING]
Mrs Patmore: Er, we'll eat in about twenty minutes.
William: Good. Would you have any to spare for a poor traveller?
[William does a marching stop in his uniform.]
Daisy: William, I don't believe it.
William: Pinch me. I am your dream come true.
Daisy: You're like a real soldier.
William: I am a real soldier, thank you very much. Now come and give me a kiss.
Mrs Patmore: Ooh, we'll have none of that.
[Daisy rushes to hug him.]
William: Won't you let a Tommy kiss his sweetheart, Mrs Patmore when he's off to fight the Hun?
Daisy: Have you finished your training?
William: Not yet, but it won't be long now.
Mrs Patmore: Well, on the eve of departure, we'll see, but right now, put her down.
William: So...
[William stands at attention.]
William: What do you think?
[Daisy brushes his uniform with her fingers.]
William: Smart, ain't it?
[Mrs Patmore heaves a sigh, thinking of her nephew.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lang reads at the table. William walks in.]
Anna: William? What a treat to see you. And how smart you look. Welcome.
William: Thanks.
Anna: Supper won't be long. I'm just going up to clear the dining room.
William: Shall I help?
Anna: Of course not. You're in the army now.
[She smiles at him and leaves.]
Mr Lang: So, still full of the joys of warfare?
William: I'm not sorry to be part of it, Mr Lang, and I can't pretend I am.
Mr Lang: Oh, yes, you're part of it. Like a metal cog is part of a factory, or a grain of sand is part of the beach.
William: It's all right, Mr Lang. I understand. And I'm not saying I'm important, or ought like that. But I believe in this war. I believe in what we're fighting for and I want to do my bit.
Mr Lang: Then God help you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Edith talks with Lavinia, Isobel speaks with Robert and Cora, and Matthew talks with Mary.]
Edith: Today I drove the tractor...
Isobel Crawley: More serious than her [?], surely not.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I think it's given us all..
Matthew Crawley: Edith seems jolly tonight.
Lady Mary: She's found her metier. Farm labouring.
Matthew Crawley: Don't be so tough on her.
Lady Mary: That's like asking the fox to spare the chicken
[Matthew chuckles.]
Matthew Crawley: What about you? Last time, you told me good news was imminent.
Lady Mary: Would you be happy if it were?
Matthew Crawley: Of course. I've found someone now. And I want you to do the same.
[Mary smiles politely.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - EVENING]
William: "If you had taken another minute to make up your mind, sir, we'd all have marched over the cliff."
[The servants laugh at William's tale.]
William: And I'll tell you something else as well--
[Daisy walks up to Mrs Patmore.]
Mrs Patmore: William's got more to say than a [?] candidate.
[Daisy stands there nervously, bursting to say something.]
Mrs Patmore: What's the matter?
Daisy: I know it's my fault, but I wish I hadn't let him think that we're, like, sweethearts. Because we're not. Not by my reckoning, anyway.
Mrs Patmore: Huh. Too late for second thoughts now, missy. Now, you don't have to marry him when it comes to it, but you can't let him go to war with a broken heart or he won't come back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT]
Lady Mary: What a time we've had. Poor Sir Richard must've thought he'd come to a madhouse.
Anna: I don't expect it'll put him off.
Lady Mary: I'm going to accept him. Do you think I should?
Anna: That's not for me to say. If you love him more than anyone in the world, then of course you should.
Lady Mary: It's not as simple as that.
Anna: Oh? It is for me. But then, I'm not Your Ladyship.
Lady Mary: Did you love Bates more than anyone else in the world?
Anna: I did. I do. I'll never love again like I love him. Never.
Lady Mary: Well, there you are then. One day you'll meet someone else and you'll marry. Perhaps it'll second best, but it doesn't mean you can't have a life.
Anna: I think it does. For me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DINING ROOM - MORNING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Carson serves the family breakfast.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Are you sure you should be doing this, Carson? We've managed very well with Mrs Hughes.
Mr Carson: Quite sure, my lord. And breakfast is not a taxing assignment.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Edith, this is a message for you. Mrs Drake writes that they've decided to hire a man, so they won't be needing you anymore.
[Edith is stunned.]
Lady Edith: Is that all she says?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, well, she's very grateful...Here we are. She says "[She and Drake] send their thanks to you for giving up so much of your valuable time." I expect it's rather a relief.
Lady Edith: Oh, I wouldn't say that. Not entirely.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Has Lady Sybil gone already?
Mr Carson: She had a half past six.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: She would.
[Edith is still trying to process the blow.]
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Carson, have they told you we're to be turned into a hospital?
Lady Mary: A convalescent home. I'm afraid we've all bullied you into the whole thing. I hope you're not dreading it too much.
Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not dreading it, exactly, but it's a brave new world we're headed for, no doubt about that. We must try to meet it with as much grace as we can muster.
[Robert opens the rest of his post. Edith is still reeling.] | Plan: A: April 1917; Q: When did Lord Grantham inform Mrs Patmore that her nephew was shot for cowardice? A: Lord Grantham; Q: Who informs Mrs Patmore that her nephew was shot for cowardice? A: Thomas; Q: Who goes to work under Dr Clarkson at the village hospital? A: Lady Sybil; Q: Along with Thomas, who does Thomas work with at the village hospital? A: a convalescent home; Q: What does Downton become? A: a recruitment drive; Q: Why is Matthew unhappy about returning to England? A: Lavinia; Q: Who is confronted by Sir Richard Carlisle? A: an old and unwelcome acquaintance; Q: What is Sir Richard Carlisle? A: Lady Edith volunteers; Q: Who drives a tractor for Mr Drake? A: Mr Drake; Q: Who did Lady Edith volunteer to help? A: a Downton tenant farmer; Q: Who was Mr Drake? A: Edith's job; Q: What does Mrs Drake put an end to? Summary: April 1917. Lord Grantham informs Mrs Patmore that her nephew was shot for cowardice. Thomas goes to work under Dr Clarkson at the village hospital along with Lady Sybil. Downton becomes a convalescent home. Matthew is unhappy about returning to England for a recruitment drive. Lavinia is confronted by Sir Richard Carlisle, an old and unwelcome acquaintance. Lady Edith volunteers to drive a tractor and help with the work as her bit to help in the war effort. She does this for Mr Drake, a Downton tenant farmer. She and Mr Drake kiss, and are seen by Mrs Drake, who quietly puts an end to Edith's job. |
[Gilbert's House]
(Elena's alarm rings. It's 5h AM. She wakes up, gets up and looks in the mirror. She looks at the bite mark on her neck and covers it with make up. She goes out of her room, Alaric's here)
Elena: Good morning
(He doesn't answer 'cause he seems to be hangover)
[The woods]
(Elena's training on one of Alaric's mannequnis. He shows her how to stake a vampire with a sleeve and two stakes in it)
Alaric: So the pressure of your punch ejects the stakes
Elena: Easy enough
(She tries but the stakes stay in the sleeve)
Elena: That's weird
(She tries again but it doesn't work)
Elena: Must be jammed or something
Alaric: You're not strong enough. Better start lifting some weights, put some meat on your bones
Elena: Thanks for not sugar-coating it
(He takes something on his bag and shows it to her)
Alaric: You know what this is?
Elena: A vervain grenade. I've used one before
Alaric: Then you know the element of surprise is your only advantage when it comes to a vampire
(He pulls the pin out of a grenade and throws it in Elena's hand)
Alaric: Surprise
Elena: Oh my god
(She throws it in the air and the grenade explodes)
Elena: This isn't a joke to me, Ric
Alaric: You think I'm joking? Vampires will take whatever they want. They will hurt whoever they want. And they'll do it without remorse. It's their nature
Elena: You don't have to use pronouns. You can say Stefan
Alaric: Look, I get why you're here. Stefan hurt you. You don't want it to happen again
Elena: But you think that I'm crazy. To believe that I can protect myself from a vampire who's flipped the switch on his humanity
Alaric: I think you found a way to get out of bed this morning. And that makes you the strongest person I know. I think that you can do pretty much anything
(He gives her the sleeve with the stakes .She puts the sleeve back)
[Mystic Falls High School]
(Elena, Caroline and Bonnie are in front of the school. Elena has a scraf around her neck)
Caroline: Here we are. Senior year
Bonnie: Anyone else think it should feel slightly more empowering?
Caroline: Ok. So prank night was a bust. But we are accepting it, and we are moving on
Bonnie: You're right. I mean, why should I let the fact that my boyfriend is seeing the ghost of his dead girlfriend hinder this experience?
Caroline: Yes! And why should I let the fact that my boyfriend was turned into a hybrid put a damper on an otherwise fabulous day
Elena: Today's our anniversary. Technically, Stefan and I met on the first day of school last year
Caroline: Yeah. You win
Bonnie: Are you sure you want to be here?
Elena: I have to be here. I have to put it behind me. New year. New life
(Caroline and Bonnie look at each other and follow Bonnie)
[Salvatore's House]
(Damon gos down the stairs. There's two dead girls on the floor. He enters the living room and Stefan is there with a few girls. They're playing twister)
Stefan: Uh-oh. Alexandra, left hand, please
Damon: Hey, the 2 brunettes on the staircase owe me a persian rug
Stefan: You mean, they owe us a persian rug? It's my house, too, brother. Ooh! Would you like a spin?
Damon: So this is what Klaus had in mind when he compelled you to protect Elena?
Stefan: These ladies are helping me be all that I can be
(Someone knocks on the door. Damon opens. It's Rebekah. She enters with shopping bags)
Rebekah: Where's Stefan?
Damon: Who the hell are you?
Rebekah: He left me here. My brother actually left me here
Stefan: Oh, I'm sorry. Your tone implies that I'm actually supposed to care
Damon: You're Klaus's sister?
Rebekah: Rebekah. Pleasure, I'm sure. Which one's my room?
Stefan: You're not staying here
(She then looks at Damon but he doens't say nothing)
Rebekah: Rude. Both of you. I'll see to it myself
(She goes toward the stairs)
Stefan: So I guess she's staying here
[Mystic Falls High School]
(Jeremy rejoins Bonnie at her locker)
Jeremy: So what? It's not cool to talk to juniors anymore?
Bonnie: Hey. Happy first day
Jeremy: You mad?
Bonnie: I'm not mad. I'm resigned to the fact I'm sharing space in our relationship with Anna and Vicki
Jeremy: I haven't talked to Vicki in a while
Bonnie: That's not the point, Jeremy
Jeremy: I know that. I know. Ok? But I had to see Anna again, Bonnie. She had information that Damon needed
Bonnie: I get it, Jeremy. But put yourself in my shoes. You loved both of them. And you guys didn't break up. They died. And you keep letting them back in
Jeremy: You think I want any of this?
Bonnie: I, um... I think you have the power to decide whether or not you see them. Remember that. Ok?
(She leaves)
(Matt parks his truck. Vicki appears next to him)
Vicki: You were always so much better at being a part of this than I was
(Matt looks at her, surprised)
Vicki: Sorry
Matt: You can't just keep appearing like this. Freaks me out
Vicki: I'm a ghost. It's all I got. And I couldn't appear if you weren't thinking about me
Matt: Well, I was just thinking about our first day last year. I was worried about running into Elena and you said...
Vicki: Suck it up. Be a man. And show her what she's missing
Matt: Yeah. Instead, she met a vampire
Vicki: You ok, Matty? You seem unhappy
Matt: Yeah, I just life stuff. You know, with you gone and mom not around, it's... A lot to deal with alone. I'm glad I get to talk to you, though. I miss you
Vicki: I miss you, too. What if I told you there was a way that you could help me come back?
Matt: What do you mean come back?
(Tyler knocks on the window. Vicki disapears)
Tyler: Donovan! What are you doing? Come on, man. Let's go!
(Matt goes out of the truck)
Tyler: You talking to yourself?
Matt: What's got you in such a good mood?
Tyler: We're seniors, man. Life is good
[Pickett Mausoleum]
(Katherine has a mouse in her hands and waves it above Mikael, whose still asleep)
Katherine: Come on, Mikael, breakfast
(Her phone rings)
Katherine: Yummy. Mikael, wake up!
(She answers. It's Damon)
Katherine: What?
Damon: What? What do you mean, "what"? i've been calling you for 2 days
Katherine: Odd, that's exactly how long I've been ignoring you
Damon: Jeremy Gilbert told me that you found Mikael
Katherine: Sort of. He's a little bit out of commission. He won't eat. And I've tried everything... Gravediggers, mourners, mice, rats, bats. He's just not interested
Damon: Well, try harder. We need him to kill Klaus so I can de-rippefy Stefan before he destroys my house
Katherine: Fine. I'll give it another shot
(She looks through the doors and sees a men in the cemetery)
[Mystic Falls High School]
(Elena's phone rings, she answers, it's Damon)
Elena: Hey. Are you checking up on me? Because I'm fine
Damon: Yeah. So... You might not want to come here for a while. We have a new housemate. Barbie Klaus
Elena: Rebekah? She's living with you now? Why?
Damon: She's stranded. Apparently Klaus left her in the dust after I name-dropped Mikael
Elena: What about Stefan? What is he up to?
Damon: Oh, you know. Journaling, reading, shaping his hair
Elena: Come on, Damon. I can handle it. What?
Damon: Is that the bell? Oh...Ring! Ring! Don't want to be late
(He henags up)
(Caroline puts a flyer for the bonfire on the wall)
Elena: I forgot about the bonfire
Caroline: You have to go. It's our first spirit squad event. And it sets the bar for the whole year
Elena: Relax, Caroline. I'll be there
Caroline: Thank you. It's just that...
(Tyler arrives and kisses Caroline. Elena looks at his shirt and sees something red)
Elena: Is that blood?
Caroline: Oh my God!
(Caroline, catches Tyler and Elena follow them)
(They enter in the restrooms)
Tyler: What's going on?!
Caroline: Vampire 101... don't wear your breakfast to school!
(Elena checks out the cabins to check there's nobody)
Tyler: Chill out. It was just a blood bag
Caroline: From where?
Tyler: Rebekah hooked me up
Caroline: Rebekah? And what are you even talking to her for?
Tyler: Klaus told her to keep a watch on me. Protect his new asset
Caroline: His what? Why are you amused by this?
Tyler: I'm his first successful hybrid, Caroline. Don't you think that's the tiniest bit awesome?
Caroline: Oh, wow! I cannot believe you just said that
Elena: So, I'm going to go
(She leaves)
(She goes out of the restrooms and runs into Stefan)
Stefan: Hello, Elena
Elena: What are you doing here?
Stefan: What do you mean? I'm going back to school. Go timberwolves!
Elena: What?! Why?
Stefan: Klaus wants me to keep an eye on you. I'm just doing what I'm told
Elena: I'm going to be late for class
(She tries to leave but he stops her)
Stefan: Oh, class is this way
Elena: Let go of me, Stefan
Stefan: Elena, do you think I want to be a senior for the 100th time? No. I don't have a choice in the matter. And neither do you
Elena: I said let go of me
(Alaric arrives)
Alaric: Let her go
(Stefan pushes him against the locker)
Elena: Stefan, stop it
Stefan: You're not going to get in my way. You hear me? I will see you both in history
(He leaves)
(Alaric and Elena are in his classroom)
Alaric: What the hell is he doing here?!
Elena: Klaus compelled him to watch over me. Apparently I'm one of Klaus's assets now that my blood is the only way he can create a hybrid
Alaric: Now he's a bodyguard?
Elena: I don't know what he is. But he's definitely not Stefan
(The school bell rings)
Elena: Look, his being here is not good for any of us. We have to do something
(The students enter the classroom. Elena goes to her chair. Caroline sits next to her and a guy sits on the other side but Stefan enters and goes toward him)
Stefan: You're in my seat
(He smiles at Elena and sits next to her. Caroline looks at him)
Alaric: Welcome back, seniors. Let's turn our brains back on, starting with this country's original founders... Native Americans
(Rebekah enters the classroom)
Rebekah: What about the vikings?
(She sits. Tyler, Caroline and Elena look at her)
Alaric: There's no evidence that viking explorers actually settled in the United States. Who are you?
Rebekah: My name's Rebekah. I'm new. And history's my favorite subject
(Matt arrives in the stoner pit. Vicki appears)
Vicki: You've got no business in the stoner pit
Matt: Figured you'd feel comfortable here
Vicki: Touche
Matt: So what do you mean that I can help you come back?
Vicki: Right now, I can only come back when you're thinking of me. But there is a way that I can be free of that
Matt: How?
Vicki: I know this sounds crazy But I have help from the other side
Matt: The other side?
(Jeremy arrives but doesn't seem to see Vicki)
Jeremy: Dude, what are you doing over here?
Matt: I could ask you the same question
Jeremy: Just looking for my stoner lab partner. All right, see you around
(He leaves. Matt looks at Vicki)
Matt: Can he not see you anymore?
(Jeremy is in the restrooms with Anna)
Jeremy: He was talking to Vicki right out there in the open
Anna: How?
Jeremy: When he died and came back, he must have started seeing her. She said that she could come back, that she had help on the other side
Anna: Help? What kind of help?
(Matt is still talking to Vicki)
Matt: Who's helping you?
Vicki: The witch I've been talking to says that there's a ritual. She can do magic from my side to push me over to yours
(Jeremy is still talking to Anna)
Jeremy: Is it even possible? Could she come back?
Anna: I guess if she had a stronger foothold
Jeremy: Like an anchor?
Anna: Exactly
(Matt is still with Vicki)
Vicki: Right now, I'm tethered to you. My only access point to your side is through you. But if she were to get a stronger foothold... I'll be able to come and go as I please... When I want, where I want. I won't have to rely on you
Matt: But you'll still be a ghost, Vicki
Vicki: In a town full of vampires, werewolves, and witches, I'll fit right in
Matt: Seriously. You're going to make jokes about this?
Vicki: Matt! Relax. No one else will be able to see me
(Jeremy is still with Anna)
Anna: She's bad news, Jeremy. There's nothing but darkness round her
Jeremy: This is Vicki we're talking about. All right? She's not a bad person
Anna: You can't upset the balance of nature without a price. If she's using a witch's energy from the other side, you don't know what price she's going to pay
(Matt si still with Vicki)
Vicki: I can be a part of this life again, Matt. Instead of being on the other side all alone. You won't have to be alone anymore either
Matt: What do I have to do?
(It's football practice and Cheerleading practice)
Cheerleader: Has anybody seen Dana?
(Rebekah arrives)
Rebekah: Sounds like you have an opening on the squad
Caroline: What are you doing?
(Rebekah stretches but Caroline is still standing next toher)
Caroline: Hey. Hey. You can't just come here and infiltrate all our lives
Rebekah: I'm only interested in yours. Your spank, your popularity
(She looks at Tyler)
Rebekah: Maybe even your boyfriend
(Tyler is practicing with the football team)
Coach: It's not the ballet, ladies. Let's move! Let's move!
(Tyler stops)
Tyler: I think we're done here, coach
Coach: Did you have a mental breakdown, Lockwood? Get back in line
Tyler: I have a better idea
(He compels him)
Tyler: Shut the hell up so we can go get drunk at the bonfire
Coach: Hit the showers, gentlemen
(Caroline rejoins Tyler)
Caroline: Try to be a little more subtle, Tyler
Tyler: Coming from the queen of subtlety? Relax. I'm in total control
Caroline: Then why are you acting like this?
Tyler: Drop it, Caroline. I'm fine. I've never been better. Klaus has given me this... gift
Caroline: What?!
(Some boys in the team talk about Rebekah. Tyler and Caroline tur their head. Rebekah makes impressive gymnastic moves and end with a split. She looks at Caroline with a smile)
Caroline: My God!
Tyler: Damn, girl's got moves
(Elena is running. Stefan rejoins her and runs with her)
Stefan: Look at you being all fit. Hey, you going to the bonfire tonight? Sounds like fun, right?
Elena: Seriously, Stefan, leave me alone
(She turns around but he still follows her)
Stefan: You think I'm annoying now? Wait till homecoming. Hey, who you bringing, by the way? don't want to be weird
(A guy pushes Elena without purpose)
Guy: I'm sorry
(Stefan pushes him)
Stefan: Watch it, Dick!
Elena: Who are you?!
Stefan: I'm the guy who's been assigned to protect a human blood bag. I mean, no offense or anything
(She leaves)
Stefan: What?!
[Pickett Mausoleum]
(Katherine is holding the body of the man above Mikael so the blood can Fall on his mouth. He wakes up and his face become normal again.)
Mikael: No! Get it away
Katherine: You need blood
Mikael: Get it away from me
(She throws the body)
Katherine: Happy?
Mikael: Thank you
Katherine: I remember you. Chicago,1920s. You were looking for Klaus.
(He's asleep again)
Katherine: You're not so scary for a... badass vampire vampire Hunter
[Some place]
(Elena is lifting a weinght on a bench. Damon arrives)
Damon: What? Are you going o bench press a vampire?
Elena: Do you actually know hat's happening right now? Stefan called me ahuman blood bag. He's a completely different person
(He presses on the weight)
Elena: Unh! What are you doing?
Damon: Helping you out
Elena: Damon!
Damon: Come on, Buffy!
Elena: Stop it!
(He stops)
Elena: Like one obnoxious Salvatore sn't bad enough
(She sits down)
Damon: You called. I'm here. What's your plan, oh warrior princess?
Elena: I want to lock Stefan up, at least until this Mikael guy comes, kills Klaus, and the compulsion breaks
Damon: Compulsion or not, Stefan's high on human blood, Ok? A lot of it
Elena: You've gotten him off of it before
Damon: This is different. It's not a stint in rehab, Elena. His humanity's gone. Light's out. No one's home
Elena: Then do it for me, Damon. Every single time I look at him, I feel like I'm going to break. And I'm not going to give him that satisfaction
(She gets up. He takes her hand and puts his on his chest)
Elena: What are you doing?
Damon: Feel that? It's a sternum. Solid plate of bone
(He takes her in his arms and puts his fingers on her back)
Damon: Right here, just below the ribcage, next to the spine, that's your way to a vampire's heart
(He removes his fingers)
Damon: I'll do whatever it is you need me to do, Elena
(She looks at him)
Damon: No one going to hurt you. Especially not my brother
[Mystic Falls High School]
(Alaric, Damon, Elena and Caroline are in Alaric's classroom)
Elena: I'll lure Stefan away from the bonfire. Then when he's distracted...
Alaric: I'll shoot him
Damon: Can't Bonnie just ju-ju him or something?
Elena: I'm trying to keep Bonnie out of this. I don't trust that Stefan won't hurt her. Caroline, are you covered?
Caroline: Yes! I will make sure that the old Forbes jail cell is prepped and ready
Damon: We're forgetting a key player here. Rebekah? Wherever Stefan goes, the blond ponytail tends to follow
Elena: Which is why it's your job to keep her away
Damon: How?! She's an original. Last time I checked, we're out of daggers
Elena: So then preoccupy her with your charm
Alaric: Might have better luck finding the dagger
Damon: Are ever not going to be mad at me for a day?
Alaric: Doubtful
(Tyler arrives)
Tyler: Sorry I'm late. What's going on?
Elena: We need you to raid your mom's vervain supply. Enough to keep Stefan down for a while
Tyler: You can't do that to Stefan
Caroline: Why not?
Elena: Trust me, Tyler, it's in his best interest
Tyler: Yeah. It's not in Klaus's
Caroline: But Klaus is the bad guy, Tyler. You know, why are you acting like some freaky, hybrid, slave Minion
Damon: Uh-oh
Alaric: What?
Tyler: Klaus made me who I am, Caroline. I owe him everything
Damon: Oh, boy
Caroline: Ok, can we cool it on the commentary, please
Elena: What is going on?
(Damon takes a vervain dart)
Tyler: I'm just going to go
(Damon rushes over him and puts the vervain sart on the neck. Tyler collapses)
Caroline: What are you doing?!
Damon: He's been sired
Alaric: What?
Damon: Sired. He feels loyal to Klaus because Klaus's blood created him
Elena: Loyal how?
Damon: He'll seek acceptance from his master. It's really rare. But maybe not so much in hybrid
Caroline: So how do I fix him?
Damon: Get a new boyfriend
(Rebekah is at the bonfire. She tries to pours herself some beer. Stefan rejoins her)
Stefan: You all right there?
Rebekah: I thought Tyler would be here
Stefan: You're into Tyler now? It's kind of a Fickle
Rebekah: When you're willing to give me the time of day again, then we'll talk. Until then, a girl has needs
(Elena arrives to put herself some beer)
Elena: Excuse me
Stefan: Elena, hi. What are you doing?
Elena: I'm having fun, Stefan. You got a problem with that?
(She drinks the whole glass of beer)
Stefan: All right, take it easy. We both know you're kind of a lightweight
Elena: Uh-huh. Really? You think I'm going to let a blood addict tell me how to drink?
(She leaves. Rebekah looks at Stefan)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Matt's House]
(Matt and Vicki are in the garage. There's candles and Matt takes a picture and puts it in front of the candles. He takes a knife on his pocket and cuts his hand above the picture.)
Vicki: Concentrate on me, Matty
(He cuts his hand)
Matt: This is too weird
Vicki: Just focus. This is a good thing
(He moves his hand so the blood poors on the picture)
Vicki: Now say you accept me
Matt: I accept you
(There's wind and the candles fire is higher. Smoke escape from the picture. Everything finally become normal. The door closes. Matt is afraid and falls on Vicki. She catches him)
Vicki: Did you just...
Matt: I felt that
(She touches his face)
Matt: I feel that, too
Vicki: It worked. Oh!
(He embraces her)
Vicki: I'm here, Matty!
[Mystic Falls High School]
(Bonnie and Jeremy are in the hallway)
Bonnie: Did you talk to Anna about this?
Jeremy: She's on the other side, Bonnie. Ok. I thought she might know something
Bonnie: About what? I thought they were all alone over there
Jeremy: Somehow Vicki's been communicating with some super strong witch
Bonnie: If there's another witch involved, don't you think you should have come to me before you went to Anna?
(Anna apears next to Jeremy)
Anna: Tell her not to be upset. I was just trying to help
Jeremy: Not now, Anna
Bonnie: She's here?
Jeremy: She's just trying to help
Bonnie: I can't... I can't deal with this...
Jeremy: Bonnie!
Bonnie: Matt's trying to resurrect his dead sister. I think I'll go deal with that instead
(She leaves)
[Matt's House]
(Vicki touches the candles)
Vicki: Ah, I can feel this. I can feel everything
Matt: The Witch didn't mention this part?
Vicki: Makes sense. Our deal was that she'd help me do what I need to do
Matt: What are you talking about? What deal, Vic?
Vicki: Well, if I want to stay here, I have to help her restore the balance. Klaus's hybrids can't be allowed to survive
Matt: You can't kill Tyler, Vicki
Vicki: Not Tyler, Matt. It's Elena who's the key to creating the hybrids
Matt: What? Vicki, no!
(She hits him)
Vicki: I'm sorry, Matty. But I want to stay
[Mystic Falls High School]
(It's the bonfire. Students are carrying a guy so he can drink beer. Everyone chants "drink", including Elena, whose laughing. Stefan looks at her. She looks at him and raises her glass and drinks. Stefan drinks too
(Rebekah tries to eat a marshamallow. She's alone. He rejoins her)
Rebekah: What? No friends your own age?
Damon: Like you can talk
Rebekah: Is this supposed to be fun? I've been through 10 of these
Damon: No, you're just looking at it all wrong. This is a little rough on the outside
(He takes the burn out of the marshmallow)
Damon: But the inside... Yum
(He makes her eat the marshamallow. She looks at him. He sucks his fingers)
Rebekah: Mmm. It's good
Damon: Yep
(Elena is looking at them. Stefan rejoins her)
Stefan: What's that look?
(She sighs)
Elena: What look?
Stefan: My brother's got his flirt on, and you're jealous
Elena: I'm not jealous
Stefan: It's all right. Be jealous by all means. I'm sure Damon will be thrilled
Elena: I'm not jealous, Stefan
Stefan: All right. That's my mistake
Elena: Whatever. I'm out of here
(She leaves. Stefan leaves too)
(Bonnie is on the phone with Matt)
Bonnie: Matt! Matt, slow down. What happened?
Matt: I messed up, Bonnie
Bonnie: What? How? Where is she?
(A guy is sitting on a car and smocking. He poses the joint leaves. Vicki arrives, looks around her and takes the joint.)
(Damon is still with Rebekah. He gives her a marshmallow sandwich)
Damon: Can't believe you've never had one of these before
Rebekah: Well, I've been in a casket for 90 years
Damon: That's no excuse
(She eats)
Rebekah: Why are you being so nice to me? You hate me. You should be mean
Damon: Well, I could be mean if that's what you're into
Rebekah: You're distracting me. Why?
Damon: Just trying to be a good housemate
Rebekah: There's no fair fight between us, Damon. Remember that
(She stabs him with a wooden stick and leaves. He groans, sits down and removes it)
[Lockwood's Mansion]
(Tyler wakes up. Caroline's here)
Tyler: What the hell? How did I get home?
Caroline: I brought you here. You were being a d-bag
Tyler: What is your problem today?
Caroline: My problem is you've been sired. Do you even know what that means? It means that you put Klaus's needs first. He is your master now
Tyler: I'm not anyone's pet, Caroline. He doesn't control me
Caroline: Well, something's got to be controlling you. Because I don't know why else you'd be acting like the old you
Tyler: The old me?
Caroline: Yeah. The old you. The pre-werewolf you. You know, the obnoxious you that I would never be friends with
(She leaves but he stops her)
Tyler: Whoa! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I don't want to be that guy. I hated that guy
Caroline: You're a vampire now, Tyler. Everything about your personality is heightened. So you have to be careful
Tyler: I will. I promise. Just...Don't hate me. Everything I like about me is you
(They kiss)
[Mystic Falls High School]
(Elena is laying on the bleachers and looks at the sky. Stefan arrives. She's drunk)
Elena: I used to know every constellation. How did I forget them all?
Stefan: You're drunk. You need to go home
(She gets up)
Elena: Fine. Unh. Let me find my car
Stefan: You're joking, right?
Elena: Uh-oh. It's the fun police. I thought that ripper Stefan was supposed to be the life of the party
Stefan: Well, all right, I'm driving you home. Come on
(She spans the ramp)
Stefan: What are you, 5? Get down
Elena: Why? Are you afraid that I'm going to
(She almost falls)
Elena: Oh. Ha. That was close. Klaus would not be happy with you
Stefan: You're hilarious
Elena: Look, Stefan, no hands
(She removes her hands but almost falls. Stefan's not amused anymore. She laughs but finally falls. She screams but Stefan rushes to catch her)
Elena: I knew you'd catch me
(They look at each other. He realeases her and Alaric arrives and shoots him with darts. Stefan fals, on the floor unconscious. Alaric looks at Elena)
Alaric: You ok?
Elena: Yeah. I'm... Fine
Alaric: You look, uh, not sober
Elena: The plan worked. That's all that matters. Let's just get him out of here
(Elena opens Alaric's trunk. He puts Stefan in it. Elena goes in the car. Vicki, whose smoking looks at them. She looks at the floor and blows the joint)
(Matt and Bonnie are in a classroom)
Matt: I'm so sorry. I didn't think she'd do something like this. I trusted her
Bonnie: You need to tell me exactly what you did to let Vicki out. So I know exactly how to send her back
(Alaric closes the trunk and sees a gas can on the floor)
Alaric: I see all the geniuses came out to the bonfire tonight
(Vicki throws the joint on the floor. There was gas on the floor so everything burns toward the car. Alaric's car burn too, with Elena in it. Alaric tries to open the door but he can't)
Alaric: Elena! Elena! Open the door
(She tries but it won't open)
Elena: I can't! It won't open
(Vicki appears in the car next to her but she can't see her)
Vicki: I'm sorry, Elena
(Alaric rushes to another car to find something. He find a lacross stick and tries to break the door woth it but it doesn't work. Elena tries to break it with her feet but it doensn't work either. The fire is stronger)
(Matt enlight a candle. Bonnie looks at a grimoire)
Bonnie: I found a spell that can block whatever magic is helping Vicki
Matt: What do I do?
Bonnie: Give me your hand
(She cuts his hand with a knife)
(Elena coughs 'cause she can't breath. She turns her head and sees Stefan.)
Elena: Stefan!
(He wakes up, Elena almost collapses. He breaks the trunk with his feet)
(Bonnie casts a spell)
(Elena rejoins Stefan and tries to gets out. Vicki tries to catches her but she can't)
(She appears in the classroom with Bonnie and Matt)
Vicki: What is she doing?
Matt: Fixing my mistake
Vicki: Make her stop
Matt: Bonnie...
Bonnie: The spell is working Matt. She's still here because of you
(She continues to cast a spell. Matt looks at Vicki)
Vicki: Matt, please
Matt: I can't let you hurt anyone, Vicki
Vicki: I won't. I'll stop. Just, please, don't make me go
Matt: I have to. This is wrong. You shouldn't be here
Vicki: I'm sorry. I just didn't want to be alone anymore
Matt: Neither did I. But I have to let you go
(Bonnie is still casting a spell)
Matt: Goodbye, Vicki
(She disapears)
Matt: She's gone
(Alaric helps Elena to get out)
Alaric: Hurry up before it blows
Elena: Wait! Wait, wait, wait!
(She catches Stefan. He helps her. They rush away from the car. The car explodes)
[Salvatore's House]
(Elena and Damon are in his bedroom. She's hurt on the cheek. He has a tube of creem on his hand and wants to heal her)
Elena: Give it to me. I can do it
Damon: No, let me
Elena: Damon, come on
Damon: Elena, you almost got barbecued. The least I can do is apply first aid
(He applies the cream on her wound with a swab)
Elena: You played your part of the plan really well tonight
Damon: Oh, yeah?
Elena: You had Rebekah drooling all over you and your marshmallows
Damon: Yeah, before she skewered me. I thought you were too drunk to notice
Elena: I was faking most of it
Damon: So was I
(They look at each other. Alaric arrives)
Alaric: Ready to get going, Elena?
Damon: Great work tonight, Ric. Sorry about the car, man. Bummer
(Elena looks at Damon and leaves with Alaric)
[Lockwood's Mansion]
(Caroline puts her dress. Tyler is nakes and puts a sheet around his waist)
Tyler: You're always running out on me
Caroline: You have to earn the overnighter
Tyler: I consider that a challenge
(She laughs and puts her jacket.)
Caroline: Bye
Tyler: Bye
(They kiss. She leaves. Rebekah apears)
Tyler: What are you doing here?
Rebekah: I have something for you
Tyler: What?
Rebekah: A little present
(She leaves and reapears with a girl, with a wound on her neck)
Tyler: You should go
Rebekah: You sure? I think my brother would want his hybrid to indulge in everything life has to offer
(She bites the girl's wrist. Tyler rushes over the girl and bites her neck)
[Pickett Mausoleum]
(Katherine is lighting candles. Mikael wakes up)
Mikael: I apologize for my outburst. It would have made more sense had you known that I've been denying myself human blood for as long as I can remember. Why is it that you awoke me?
Katherine: I thought you might know how to kill Klaus. But something tells me that I've been sorely misinformed
Mikael: Would you mind helping me with these? I can assure you there's no way I can kill Klaus from beneath them
Katherine: Does that you mean you do know how to kill him?
Mikael: I can kill Klaus. And I will
(She breaks his chains)
Mikael: Thank you
Katherine: A little blood will grease those muscles up real quick. Just saying...
Mikael: I don't feed on living things
Katherine: Then what do you eat?
(He catches her and bites her)
[Salvatore's House]
(Alaric and Damon are about to leave)
Elena: It's ok if you want to be friends with Damon again
Alaric: I don't
Elena: I think he kind of misses you
(Stefan goes out of the living room)
Stefan: Well you got me tonight. Definitely wasn't expecting that
Alaric: That was the point
Stefan: Yeah. You know, you can hate it all you want, but Elena needs me. I'll always protect her. I think you're both better off having me around
(They go toward the door)
Stefan: Elena, wait. You could have let me die in that fire tonight. Why didn't you?
Elena: Because I still have hope
Stefan: After everything I've done, you... You still think I'll be able to find my humanity again
Elena: Yes, I do. I know who you really are better than anyone, Stefan. And I'm not giving up
Stefan: Elena, do you have any idea how pathetic that makes you?
(Elena: No, Stefan, it makes me strong
(She drives two stakes through his body with the sleeve. She takes off the sleeve and gives it to Alaric. He looks at Stefan, smiles and closes the door)
[Gilbert's House]
(Jeremy leaves a message to Bonnie)
Jeremy: Bonnie, come on. Stop dodging my calls. Don't you think we should at least talk about this?
(He sits on his bed. Anna appears)
Anna: I shouldn't be here
Jeremy: No kidding
Anna: No, I mean, I shouldn't be here, Jeremy. Why are you thinking about me when you're calling her?
Jeremy: I didn't think I was. Look, I don't know. Ok. I don't know what I'm doing, Anna. The problem is I don't think I can stop thinking about you
Anna: I can't stop thinking about you, either
(She sits down next to him)
Jeremy: What are we going to do?
(She raises her hand. He touches it and looks surprised. He takes her hand)
Jeremy: Do you...Feel this?
Anna: What's going on? I can feel you. How can I feel you?
[Salvatore's House]
(Damon is removing a rug. Somedies here and brakes a vase)
Damon: Keep it up, Stefan
(He picks up the pieces of the vase. Somebody hits him hard. He falls on the floor. It's Mason. Damon opens his eyes)
Mason: This is going to be fun | Plan: A: Elena; Q: Who saves Stefan from a fire? A: her friends; Q: Who does Elena begin her senior year of high school with? A: her helplessness; Q: What is Elena frustrated by? A: Alaric; Q: Who does Elena convince to teach her how to protect herself from vampires? A: vampires; Q: What does Elena want to learn how to protect herself from? A: Mikael; Q: Who bites Katherine? A: Jeremy; Q: Who keeps seeing Anna? A: issues; Q: What are Bonnie and Jeremy having? A: Rebekah; Q: Who is Klaus' sister? A: Salvatores; Q: Where does Rebekah move in with? A: Matt; Q: Who convinces Vicki to perform a ritual? A: the ghost; Q: What does Matt continue to see of Vicki? A: Vicki; Q: Who tries to kill Elena in Alaric's van? A: his world; Q: Where does Vicki want to come and go from? A: The gang; Q: Who attends a bonfire? A: a bonfire; Q: Where do Elena, Damon, and Alaric try to capture Stefan? A: her sights; Q: What does Rebekah set on Tyler? A: Mason Lockwood; Q: Who appears to Damon when he goes home? Summary: Elena and her friends begin their senior year of high school and she remembers that it has been one year since she met Stefan. Elena is frustrated by her helplessness, so she convinces Alaric to teach her about protecting herself from vampires. Mikael wakes up and bites Katherine. Bonnie and Jeremy are having issues since Jeremy keeps seeing Anna. Klaus' sister, Rebekah, moves in with the Salvatores and attends school. Matt continues to see the ghost of Vicki, and she convinces him to perform a ritual that allows her to come and go from his world as she pleases. She says a witch from the other side promised her that if she killed Elena she can come back forever. The gang attends a bonfire, where Elena, Damon, and Alaric try to capture Stefan. They learn Tyler is sired to Klaus since Klaus essentially made him who he is. Rebekah sets her sights on Tyler. Elena saves Stefan from a fire after Vicki tries to kill Elena in Alaric's van. Jeremy and Anna realize he can feel her. Vicki is eventually restored back to the other side by Bonnie and Matt while Damon goes home, where Mason Lockwood appears in front of him. |
In 2030, Ted tells his children always to the history of the encounter with their mother.
Ted (2030): Children, in 2009, your Aunt Robin was the host of "Welcome to New York." And she was released early. How soon? The cameraman sleeps standing before his camera.
Robin: Mike? Wake up!
Ted (2030): And then everything changed. Robin returned to the apartment where Ted played the console.
Robin: Have you seen my show?
Ted: I wanted to watch it but I was too busy sleeping with this story. It took me all night, after 8 hours of the clock.
Robin: It's not serious, but listen to this! After the show... Flashback Robin at work, a man approaches her.
Man: Are you Robin?
Robin: Yes.
Man: I'm Don, your new co-presenter.
Ted (2030): Don was Don Franck. A veteran of the morning shows... and a former host of 38 local programs across the country watched. This guy was a legend in the middle. End flashback
Ted: Wow, you're going you do too.
Robin: No, I just think it will be great both on the air.
Ted: And on the couch, the bed and on the coffee table.
Robin: Ok, ok, I'll go on the roof and stay there all alone 5 minutes.
Ted: Have fun.
Ted (2030): And that's exactly what she did. She just stayed there. Okay kids, I'm a little liar with you. This is not what she did.That's what she did.
Robin: Okay, okay, I'll go smoke a cigarette.
Children of Ted: What?
Ted (2030): I promised never to tell you. But occasionally, your Aunt Robin was enjoying a cigarette. And occasionally, the occasional cigarette. Was more than just casual. Marshall, Barney and Ted entered the apartment while Robin does his gym.
Barney: I just let something like that to my apartment.
Ted: Robin, going, going on the roof! We said no smoking in the apartment... after that you have set fire by the pumps.
Robin: Okay, very good, very good.
Marshall: Yeah Robin, I mean my God... not only is it a bad habit but... Do I have one?
Robin: Of course.
Children of Ted: What?
GENERIC
Ted (2030): Children, your Uncle Marshall would not like at all that you know that. But he also smoked from time to time.
Flashback In 1991...
Ted (2030): It started when he was 13. During an event camping in Minnesota.
Boy: Come on Marshall, it's Christmas! This holiday feast!
Marshall: But just one. This is the first and the last cigarette of my life. In 2006...
Ted (2030): And this was the first of many, many cigarettes last of his life.
Marshall: Okay, I'm done, I Quit! In 2007 and 2008... Marshall:... last cigarette... my life. End flashback
Ted (2030): And then what I had heard many times before.
Marshall: last cigarette of my life.
Ted: What are you doing, you have not smoked in 6 months. Is it about "MacGrib"? It closed guy, forget it.
Marshall: I'm worried about work, ok? They just hired a new chief legal department... and it will turn people.
Ted: So that's why you're worried?
Barney: The new head of legal department is Hobes Arthur.
Ted: Is Arthur artillery? Your former leader.
Ted (2030): Arthur Hobes is the worst leaders as Marshall or anyone have had. The last time Marshall had worked for him... it ended like that. Flashback
Marshall: I quit! End flashback
Ted: Is it always rebounded against you?
Marshall: Worse! Flashback
Arthur: Sorry, who are you?
Marshall: I have Marshall Eriksen. We had a pretty intense argument. As I've suggested that you take your head and you put yourself in the..., inside you. At a place that could reduce its exposure to the sun.
Arthur: Yeah, that describes 95% of my employees and my family. Except my dog. It's such a good boy. Well, I'll see you later... um Rendal Rilgurson.
Marshall: Marshall Eriksen.
Arthur: The film Gary Taker, right? End flashback
Ted: Wow, he not remember you.
Barney: Not great, it does not matter that Arthur Hobes not like Marshall, he loves no one. It is the people he knows that he has to separate. He just fired, "What's his head? ".
Marshall: It turned 'What is his head? "Ted! And "What's his head? "Was priceless.
Ted: Look, I understand you to be upset but this is not a reason to kill you.
Barney: Yeah, after you turn'm doing... then you can kill you. As "What is his head? ". Now I think it is, where is his head?
Marshall: Look, it's just two cigarettes. Ok, I can collect 2. As it is not 3 within 24hrs I replongerai yet.
Ted: What will Lily say when you learn that you smoked?
Marshall: Lily did not discover. I have a system.
Ted (2030): Oh, yes, the system of Marshall. Flashback He smokes and then wash thoroughly and put the perfume.
Marshall: Well, Lil '!
Lily: You got smoked!
Marshall: Damn! End flashback
Ted (2030): The next morning, your Aunt Robin was finally launched. She finally went on air with a real pro.
Mike: In 3... 2... 1...
Robin: Hello, I'm Robin Scherbatsky!
Don: And I'm Don... Frank! Two teenagers were arrested yesterday for stealing a police truck. No, I'm sorry not a cart, a police car. Damn! Brain fart! You with me? Oh, look at the teleprompter is still running. Something about a woman giving birth... on a bus. Well, we will not resume in the middle, we'll wait until the end. And, she cut the cord with a metro ticket. We come back! And it's good!
Robin: But what was that? Don, you said Pet brain!
Don: Robin, you're a bit like a nice kid but this is my 39th local newspaper. And all this time I learned three things: prevention of all sushi restaurants at will before work. Do not go to the bathroom while you're still on the air. And 3: at this time, all your audience... it's a guy who is half drunk and in his underwear.
Mike: Back in 5... 4...
Robin: Well, let a good program for what is half drunk.
Don: The guy in half drunk thank you. He gets up... without pants.
Ted (2030): The next day, Marshall was so crave a cigarette it made him mad. So he decided to take a little air. Marshall out on the roof where his boss is already there.
Arthur: Oh, no! You're not here to jump, does not it? I have turned many people today... and I would not do another jump ruin my record. Oh, cigarettes?
Marshall: No, no thank you!
Arthur: Too bad! Geoffrey you know why I miss? We used to smoke. People are now replaceable. But you share a cigarette with someone and you have a real link.
Marshall: You know what? I'll take one.
Arthur: Ok!
Marshall: Marshall I am aware. It was Marshall, Marshall Eriksen.
Arthur: Tell me something Marshall Eriksen. Would you like to see a photo of the cutest dogs in the world? Good boy! Marshall and Lily goes home is on the couch to read.
Marshall: Hey!
Lily: You got smoked!
Marshall: Yes, I smoked! And it was my third day. You know what that means? I'm a smoker now. Everything is ruined. I bought a packet coming back, and a lighter... and a Viking lamp that has nothing to do, but I saw in the window and I liked it.
Lily: Damn Marshall. It has four lamps and Viking smoking kills.
Marshall: It was to create a link with my boss, you should have seen me up there. Flashback
Marshall: It's a beautiful dog. And it is your children?
Chief: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, hey, look what I got at the supermarket! (He shows his t-shirt under his shirt) he is! There he is! Go ahead, pet him now! Yeah, go! He loves it. Caress her chin! End flashback
Lily: I do not care about your reasons, you know what I think of smoking. Now give me the cigarettes! And the lighter. (Lily lights a cigarette) Aaah, that thing!
Children of Ted: What!
Ted (2030): Oh yes, add your aunt Lily in the list! While your Uncle Marshall has relapsed, your aunt Lily has been trained with him. Robin is at work.
Don: What are you doing?
Robin: You should know that I tried to contact the town hall so we could get the mayor on the show.
Don: My God, you are adorable. The mayor does not come in emissions that no one is watching. My colonoscopy was more viewership. It was well twisted I admit.
Robin: I do not know why you act like that. Maybe you've never had a better job offer, but I still can, so I really want to focus.
Don: I've already spent on the cable.
Robin: You're already past the cable?
Don: It was the best weekend of my life. When you do the newspaper, you're sitting on ergonomic seats, you feel like sitting on a cloud, which was good also because it was just after my colonoscopy. And the locker room, wow.
Mike: There are changing rooms?
Don: Oh yes there was the break, Mike. We will not change in the toilets of KFC on the other side of the street. Oh no. It was heaven. But once you get used to, they will not care at the door to find someone who is not undergoing divorce, or who is not addicted to gin. And before you know it, you find yourself in a dead end, surrounded by people who are going nowhere in their careers, making these programs in their underwear.
Robin: ok, the trick underwear was your choice. And I would not keep that going.
Don: You are beautiful guys. It's comfortable eh?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lily, Marshall and Robin were in the street and smoke.
Robin: I want to kill him, of course people watching this show.You look at her. My God, you still have not seen the program.
Lily: We saw.
Robin: Really? What color is the decor?
Marshall: It's black, or silver.
Robin: Not your TV, the decor of my show. If my best friends do not watch, will watch it...
Marshall: A lot of people... Bedrin the insomniac, who portrays Blongs front of department stores. People to the emergency room where the TV is in a cage, and you can not change channels.
Robin: You have film crews? Ted is with McLaren's Barney.
Ted: I can not believe they're smoking outside, it's really cold.
Barney: Do you remember when you could smoke in bars? Flashback The bar is filled with smoke.
Ted: I think there's a pretty girl smiling at me there.
Barney: Hey, this is a chair, but go ahead and drag it.
Ted: Guys?
Marshall: Marco?
Ted and Barney: Polo! End flashback
Ted: Our group is divided into smokers and nonsmokers, and it's great.
Barney: You're right. Going for a smoke.
Children of Ted: What?
Ted (2030): Yes, I'm not proud.
Robin: Hey you two, smoking, like us.
Barney: I'm not a smoker. I do not smoke on certain occasions.After s*x, when I'm with German, sometimes both at the same time. During s*x, for birthdays, to annoy my mother, just before s*x, on a sailboat. The day the mentor MC mailly eliminated each year, and of course... wait, because God knows it's true: fear of pregnancy.
Ted: And why you smoke there?
Barney: I'm always on the verge of sleep Ted.
Lily: Maybe that smoking is not so bad, at least it is outdoors.
Barney: And my abs muscle nicotine. I... am... muscular.
Ted (2030): As glamorous as it might be, we all cracked after one week. Marshall and Lily sleeps coughing.
Marshall: It's alright, darling?
Lily, with a deep voice: Actually, my throat is a little dry. Ted climbs stairs and three packets later, he is totally out of breath. Barney discovers a cigarette hole in his tie. Marshall and on the roof with his boss.
Arthur: So I teased him a little with the newspaper like that, and my wife said, you can not treat your son as well. Michael calls for help. It falls on the roof.
Marshall: Yes, right away, and me is Marshall. Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall are on the roof of the apartment to smoke.
Barney: My God, I hope that Arthur is well. I reserve her office in case.
Ted: We must stop smoking.
Lily, with a deep voice: Baby, you said it was going.
Marshall: I would never have started. I finally revisit in 13 years, if I could go back. (Young Marshall went camping with a buddy and they smoke. Older Marshall arrives and pat the hand of young Marshall to drop the cigarette. It gives him a punch in the stomach) I hate that little b*st*rd.
Lily: Me too.
Ted: Ok it's good, we stop.
Marshall: Yes, we stop. Marshall, Lily and Ted put out the cigarette. Only Barney keeps his.
Barney: I'm proud of you guys. I heard how it was difficult to stop smoking for as you, then the part of non-smokers, I tell you hat, so give me your cigarettes and I rid, one at a time.
Lily: You stop my chick. (She removes the cigarette from his hands) I know I did not call you chick normally, but it does with that voice. Chick.
Robin: Guys, I wonder, you also are interviewing the mayor tomorrow, or it just me? Don was in the teeth, while I'm smoking a. Lighter Marshall.
Marshall: Actually, we all decided to stop.
Robin: Fantastic, I was fed up that you piquiez me my smokes constantly.
Ted: Robin, we must do together.
Robin: No.
Lily: You can sleep with Marshall.
Marshall: Lily God, no.
Lily: Sorry darling, that's for the team.
Robin: I do not want to have s*x with Marshall.
Marshall: Sure.
Robin: I can not stop now, not before the most important interview of my life. It's too stressful.
Barney: It's too stressful!
Marshall: Just one.
Lily: Give a cigarette!
Ted: Damn Robin, think about it a moment, Blue Bug is the mayor anti cigarette. You really want to go to the interview smelling cigarettes? It's like interviewing a feeling the vegetarian steak.
Marshall: Really, it's hard enough like that?
Ted: You stop! It all stops.
Robin: Ok, I stop.
Ted: We should just spend the first 24 hours after a piece of cake. 26 hours later... Lily, Marshall, Ted and Barney are at the bar and the table is filled with food.
Lily: Barney stops eating your fingers.
Barney: I do not bite my nails, I try to suck the rest of nicotine on my fingers.
Ted: Marshall pass me your plate.
Marshall: What, you're a dinosaur?
Barney: What do cigarettes now? You believe they think of us?
Ted: Dude, if you do not stop moving your feet, I'll tear it off.
Marshall: Oh Ted, I'm sorry, maybe I should move closer to your ass!
Ted: Ok we'll do it now!
Ted (2030): Nobody knew why we fight. We just knew we wanted to smoke more than anything. It was not great for Robin either.
Don, who arrive without pants: Sorry I'm late. Someone used the microwave, and I got stuck in the elevator. What are you doing? Robin Don, seriously, not tonight. I'm on my nerves, because I had quit smoking for the interview the mayor.
Don: Oh my little princess porcelain, why would you do that?
Robin: Why? Because it is important to Don, the issue is important and my career. Not like you, you incompetent. You're boring, you are bad, and I want you to work at least as hard as the elastic of your underwear.
Don: I begin to believe that it becomes personal.
Robin: No gift, it would become personal if I told you that just because you pass emission issue, it's because you're losing. A loser lazy and obnoxious.
Don: The mayor canceled.
Mike: 5... 4... 3... 2...
Robin: Hello, this is Robin Scherbatsky.
Don: You think I'm a loser? You're right, I'm a but at least I accept it.
Robin: A raccoon has bitten a patient in a nursing home.
Don: I was like you at first, I always wanted more, and I had nothing. This is a dead Robin, you'll never be a superstar of television. Since you never stop smoking.
Robin: What are you doing?
Don: I like my cigarette. Oh that's good. Want a latte?
Robin: You can be professional?
Don: Yes professional, you know who holds the camera? A chair, even the cameraman is not looking our show and that's why the mayor has canceled. And Mike went to fast food, and that you and I can enjoy a cigarette here.
Robin: No thank you.
Don: Why? Because there are millions of viewers? If viewers are problems with this, call us at the number on the screen: 212-555-0192. Go robin, appreciate life a little. (She takes the cigarette when the phone rings) It must be Mike, he always forgets to take them into extra-crunchy.
Marshall: Robin, do not smoke this cigarette.
Robin: Marshall?
Marshall: They look at you all, we are all impressed and if you smoke this cigarette, we shall return it to us too.
Robin: You watch the show?
Lily: Yes sweetie, and you are very pretty.
Robin: Oh guys.
Ted: You do not have to do that, you do not need to smoke.
Lily: Resists sweetie!
Robin: Thanks for calling friends. She puts the cigarette in the cup of Don and it ignites.
Marshall: She did!
Ted: Good for her.
Lily: We will not smoke.
Barney: I have a hiding on the roof. They get up and go on the roof. Robin arrives.
Barney: Oh, I woke up and I smoke. Robin, you know how it's dangerous to wake a smoker sleeps.
Robin: I bought a packet on the way home.
Marshall: Robin Good show.
Lily: And this guy So what con.
Robin: He ended up apologizing.
Lily: When he got up, the forms were more revealing, you should go out with him.
Robin: We believe in it all.
Ted (2030): They went out together three months later. But we will come back.
Ted: Well look, the sun rises.
Robin: You know it's the perfect time there. For one last cigarette. The real last.
Barney: Come on, let's do it.
Marshall: The last three.
Ted: A... Lily:... two... Robin:... three.
Ted (2030): We all stopped for a while after that. But this was not the last, even though we ended up really stop. Robin was arrested in June 2013. Barney in March 2017. Lily stopped from the moment she wanted to get pregnant. Marshall stopped when it was Dad. And my last two weeks before I met your mother, and I did most affected. Marshall will see Marshall in his young day camping with her boyfriend. Buddy runs away when he saw Marshall get older.
Marshall: Sorry to have hit my friend. I want to redeem myself by giving you this.
Young Marshall: Wow, she's pretty.
Marshall: Well one day you will marry her.
Marshall Young: For real?
Marshall: Yes, lucky.
Marshall Young: Bluntly. I'll be in my tent.
Marshall: Oh no, no do not do that. Have fun for me. | Plan: A: Marshall; Q: Who is the first to start smoking again after quitting cold turkey? A: Lily; Q: Who is the first to start smoking again after Marshall? A: Barney; Q: Who is the last person to quit smoking? Summary: After quitting cold turkey , Marshall takes up smoking again, with Lily, Ted, Robin and Barney not far behind. |
Aired: 16/1/2003
Teleplay by: Brian Buckner and Sebastian Jones
[Scene: Coffee place, Joey is there, Chandler is entering]
Chandler: Hey
Joey: Hey. So where's Mon?
Chandler: Oh, she's at home, putting up decorations for Rachel's birthday party tonight.
Joey: And you're not helping?
Chandler: I tried, but apparantly singing "I will survive" in a helium voice - not helping.
(Ross and Rachel enter with Emma in Rachel's hands)
Ross: Hey you guys!
Joey and Chandler: (start to sing) Hey! Happy birthday ...
Rachel: Shhh don't say that loud, Gunther's gonna want to hug me.
Ross: Uh, good news everyone, we finally found a nanny. This is Molly (points to Molly). Molly, Chandler, Joey.
Joey and Chandler: Hi.
Molly: Hi.
(Emma starts to cry)
Ross: Ooh, somebody's getting a little fussy.
Joey: You damn right I am, I've been waiting for a cookie for 7 minutes.
Rachel: Ok, you know what, I'm just gonna take her outside.
Molly: No, you stay, I'll do it (takes Emma from Rachel).
Rachel: OK, thank you.
Molly: Nice to meet you guys (to Chandler and Joey).
Joey: Yeah, you too.
(Molly leaves)
Rachel: Oh, wow, Molly is just great!
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Yes, Bravo on the hot nanny.
Rachel: What? You really think she's hot?
Chandler: Are you kidding? If I wasn't married she'd be rejecting me right now.
Rachel: And Joey?
Joey: How do you think she's doing?
Rachel: Am I the only one who doesn't think that she's hot? Ross?
Ross: Eh, I mean, I mena she's not unattractive but hot? I ....
Rachel: Thank you! (goes to get coffee)
Chandler: Now that Rachel's gone?
Rachel: So hot I cried myself to sleep last night. (Joey and Chandler clap their hands)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Mike and Phoebe in Phoebe's place, Phoebe is doing a crossword puzzle]
Phoebe: Hey Mike, what's the capital of Peru?
Mike: Lima.
Phoebe: No. It starts with a "v" and ends with an "x". Helpfully with a "to" in the middle.
Mike: You know, kinda think of it, the capital of Peru IS "vtox". (opens the kitchen cabinet) Oh god! Oh!
Phoebe: What?
Mike: OK, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I think I just saw a rat in your cupboard.
Phoebe: (relived) Oh, whew, no, that's Bob.
Mike: What, is he your pet rat?
Phoebe: Well not so much a pet as, you know, an occasional visitor who I put food out for, you know. Kinda like Santa. Except Santa doesn't poop on the plate of cookies.
Mike: You can't keep a rat in your appartment! They're extremely unsanitary, and they transmit leptospirosis and hantavirus.
Phoebe: What are those?
Mike: I don't know but they don't sound like spa treatments. You have to get rid of it!
Phoebe: OK, fine, if it means that much to you I'll get rid of Bob.
Mike: Thank you.
Phoebe: So weird, you think he's so gross and you're willing to eat his crackers. (Mike throws out everything in his mouth)
[Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel comes in and Gavin is there]
Rachel: Hello.
Gavin: Hello
Rachel: Gavin, I just wanted to say thank you again for watching Emma yesterday during the presentation. I really owe you an appology.
Gavin: For what?
Rachel: Well, when we first met, you know, I thought you were pompous and arrogant and obnoxious ...
Gavin: Is this your first appology?
Rachel: No, I just mean that, you know, first impressions don't mean anything. And I-I think you're a really good guy and I'm sorry that I misjudged you.
(Heather walks in)
Heather: Good morning!
Rachel: Hello. (to Gavin) But you know what, hey, new day, new leaf, I am just really really happy ... (sees Gavin staring at Heather) I'm sorry, obviously Heather's ass has something more important to say so I'll just wait 'till it's finished.
Gavin: What?
Rachel: I was giving you an appology and you were totally checking her out!
Gavin: I wasn't checking her out. I'm in fashion, I was looking at her skirt. Or was it pants? I didn't really see what happened below the ass area.
Rachel: Oh wow, you are really, you're really a creep.
Gavin: Why do you even care if I was looking at her? Are you jealous?
Rachel: Oh yeah, I'm jealous. "Oh Gavin, please, please look at my ass". (Gavin starts looking) Stop looking at my ass! I mean, I just think you are totally inappropriate, ok? This is a work environment, she's your subordinate.
Gavin: I thought it was ok when you slept with your old assistant Tag.
Rachel: That is totally different for two reasons. One - I didn't know that you knew that. And two, I wasn't some creep staring at his ass, we had a deap meaningful relationship.
Gavin: Huh. What's Tag's last name?
Rachel: It was ... (can't remember) oh my god. He didn't have a last name. It was just "Tag". You know, like Cher, or, you know, Moses.
Gavin: But it was a deap meaningful relationship.
Rachel: Oh, you know what - my first impression of you was absolutely right. You are arrogant, you are pompous ... Morgan! Morgan! Tag's last name was Morgan! Huh!
Gavin: It was Jones.
Rachel: Yeah well what are you, his boyfriend?
[Scene: Coffee place, Molly holding Emma and talking to Joey]
Joey: Man, I wish I had a nanny like you.
Molly: You mean, when you were a baby.
Joey: Sure.
(Chandler is staring at Molly)
Monica: Would you stop staring at her?
Chandler: I wasn't staring. I was leering.
Monica: What's the big deal with her? Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way.
Ross: Yeah, obvious beauty's the worst. You know, when it's right there in your face. Me, I like to have to work to find someone attractive. Makes me feel like I earned it.
Chandler: Looks like Joey is doing allright with her.
Monica: Yeah. Hey, that was nice of you guys to back off and let Joey get the girl for once.
Molly: (to Ross) I'm gonna take her back to the appartment.
Ross: Ok, I'll be home right after work. Ok, by Emma-Wemma-Demma, I love you - wovyou dovyou ...
Molly: Bye
Monica: They've elected me to talk to you about the baby talk - it's not so good.
Molly: I think it's sweet. (goes to leave)
Ross, Joey and Chandler: Bye, Emma-Wemma-Demma.
Rachel: (to Joey) Hey, listen, Joey, about Molly, I really prefer if you didn't go after her.
Joey: Why not?
Rachel: Because it took us months to find a good nanny and I wouldn't want anything to, you know, drive her away.
Joey: So, what, you think I'm just gonna sleep with her and never call her again and things are gonna get uncomfortable? (thinks about it) Yeah, sounds about right.
Ross: Come on, there are plenty of other women out thereok? Just - just forget about her, ok? Just, she's off limits.
Joey: Oh, man, why did have to go and say that for? Now that you told me I can't have it makes me want her even more!
Ross: What are you, a child?
Joey: Yes!
Ross: Joey, come on now, for me! Please, just-just try to focus your sexual energy on someone else.
Joey: Fine. (looks around, then focuses on Monica)
Monica: (to Chandler) Take me home! (they quickly leave)
[Scene: Phoebe's place, Phoebe and Mike are there]
Phoebe: Hey Mikey
Mike: Hey P
Phoebe: What are you doing?
Mike: Setting rat traps.
Phoebe: To kill Bob??
Mike: No, no, to test his neck strength.
Phoebe: No, Mike, I don't want to kill him! I thought we were just gonna capture him and, and you know, set him free in the country side where he can maybe meet a friendly possom and a wisecracking owl.
Mike: Ok, ok, I'll throw away the traps.
Phoebe: I'll find Bob, I'll get him. Bob? (starts looking) Bob! Robert! (looks at cabinet under sink) Oh wait, I think I hear him. Oh - Oh my god! Bob had babies! Bob's a mom!
Mike: Better think of a new name for him.
Phoebe: I don't know, I kinda like Bob for a girl.
Mike: I don't know, I mean I'm not sure (they hear cracking voice from somewhere else in the kitchen, probably a rat caught in a trap) ...
Phoebe: Oh my god, we killed Bob!
Mike: Maybe it wasn't Bob, maybe it was a mouse.
Phoebe: Suzie? (Runs over there to check)
[Scene: Mon and Chan's, Ross enters]
Ross: Whazzup??
Chandler: Seriously dude, 3 years ago.
Ross: Listen, can you do me a favor? I'm gonna be out today. Can you just keep an eye on Joey, make sure nothing happens between him and Molly?
Chandler: You don't trust him?
Ross: Wh - No. Some woman who sounded a lot like Joey called earlier and asked for her daughter, the "hot nanny".
Chandler: Is this really your long term plan, for me to run interference? Because I could get a job any day now.
Ross: You do appear right on the cusp of something. Come on man, I'm sure he'll lose interest in a week or two, but for now can you please just do this for me?
Chandler: Allright, fine, but don't blame me if it doesn't work. Because you know as well as I do that once Joey sets his mind on something, more often than not, he's going to have s*x with it.
Ross: Well we gotta do something, ok? Nannies like her don't grow on trees. (pause)
Chandler: Picturing that tree?
Ross: I am, yes.
[Scene: Hallway, Joey get out of his appartment and Chandler jumps out of his]
Chandler: Where you going, Joe?
(Joey falls on floor and gets up)
Joey: For a walk.
Chandler: Oh. You mind if I join you?
Joey: Actually, that will be long. You know, I really need to organize my thoughts.
Chandler: Your thoughts? Plural?
Joey: Allright, fine, I only have one thought! It's about the hot nanny, I gotta see her!
Chandler: I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Joe.
Joey: Now YOU'RE telling me I can't see her?? You guys are killing me! She's forbidden fruit! It's like ... like she's the princess and I'm the stable boy ... Why are you doing this, huh? Did Ross tell you not to let me go over there?
Chandler: Yes, as a matter of fact he did, so I can't let you go.
Joey: Huh. Interesting. Now there are obstacles. Hot nanny and me against the world. This is the kind of stuff great novels are made of.
Chandler: Great novels?
Joey: Fine ... mediocre p0rn
[Scene: Rachel's office, Rachel and Gavin there, phone rings, Gavin picks it up]
Gavin: Gavin Mitchelle's office.
Rachel: Rachel Green's office!! Give me that phone! (takes the phone) Hello, this is Rachel Green, how can I help you? Uh huh ... ok then ... I'll pass you back to your son (gives phone to Gavin)
Gavin: Hey Mom! No, that's just my secretary. (Rachel is upset)
Rachel: Um, excuse me Gavin, I have a question I need to ask you.
Gavin: Mom, I'll call you later. Yeah. (hangs up) (to Rachel) Yes?
Rachel: If you like looking at butts so much why don't you just go look at a mirror?
Gavin: Thank god you finally said that, I saw you make a note on your pad three hours ago. (Rachel throws away that paper) Man, I really bug you, don't I?
Rachel: Oh, please, I don't care about you enough to bug me. In fact, from now on, I'm going take the high road. And I'm going be very very nice to you, you "momma's boy", starting right now.
(door knock, Monica enters)
Monica: Hey Rach!
Rachel: Hi!
Monica: Ready for your birthday lunch?
Rachel: Yeah I am, I am! Oh, but first of all, Monica, I would like to introduce you to my very talented colleage and more importantly my wonderful friend Gavin Mitchelle.
Gavin: Pleased to meet you.
Monica: Pleased to meet you. So you're coming to Rachel's party tonight?
Rachel: Oh no no no no no, Gavin can't, he already has plans, most likely with his mother.
Gavin: Well I don't mind, I'll cancel. I would never miss my secretary's birthday. (leaves)
Rachel: Why did you invite him?? I can't stand that guy!
Monica: You were just being so nice to him!
Rachel: I was faking it! Can't you tell when I'm being fake?
(A man walks by)
Rachel: Hey, Mr Philips, nice suit!
Monica: Right there! That was so fake!
Rachel: Shh!
[Scene: Rachel's birthday party]
Rachel: (to Monica) I still can't believe you invited Gavin. Allright, he is the last person I want to see.
Monica: Oh, you're welcome for the party. I'm glad you're having a good time.
Rachel: God, I hope he doesn't show up. Of course he's not gonna show up, the guy hates me.
Monica: Does he?
Rachel: What?
Monica: Maybe he's bothering you so much because he likes you. It's like in first grade when Skippy Langwild always pushed me on the playground because he secretly had a crush on me?
Rachel: Oh, Monica, you think Skippy liked you? Honey, all those buys had a bet to see if he can knock you over.
Molly: (with Emma in a basinet) She's out, I'm gonna take her home.
Rachel: Oh, ok, thank you. (Molly leaves) (to Monica) Do you see what all the guys see in her?
Monica: Wouldn't kick her out of bed. No more Vodka for me! (put her glass down)
(Joey comes over)
Joey: Hey Rach, so can I sing happy birthday to you now?
Rachel: Yeah, sure!
Joey: Oh ... (Starts to sing) Happy birth ... (sees Molly leaving) oh, see you later (runs after Molly)
Monica: Hey Rach, somebody got you shoes!
Rachel: Oh, give me! (opens the box happily, then gets freaked and throws away the box, she and Mon jump up the sofa)
Phoebe: Be careful, be careful! These are my rat babies!
Mike: Yeah. We have rat babies now.
Rachel: Ahhhh , you brought rats to my birthday party?
Monica: So this is what a stroke feels like.
Phoebe: I had to bring them! We killed their mother, they're our responsibility now. You know, they require constant care. You should know that, Rachel, you're a mother.
Rachel: Are you comparing my daughter to a rat?
Phoebe: No! Seven rats! I think we should take them home, we need feed them.
Rachel: whhh wait, you're gonna leave my party to take care of a box of rats?
Phoebe: Well I'm sorry Rachel, but I'm not like you, ok? Not everyone can afford help. (she and Mike leave)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Ross gets out of the bathroom, sees Chandler)
Ross: Where the hell are Joey and Molly? I asked you to watch them.
Chandler: (In a helium voice, holding a balloon) I'm sorry, I got a little occupied.
Ross: We have to stop them before something happens!
Chandler: (still helium voice) Right behind you, big guy! (they both head for the door)
[Scene: Ross's place, Molly and Joey are talking on the couch]
Joey: So you see, Molly, what people don't understand is that acting is a discipline. It takes a lot of hard work.
Molly: So where did you study?
Joey: Oh, I didn't go to college.
Molly: No, where did you study acting?
Joey: Molly ... people don't study acting ...
(Ross and Chandler walk in, Joey looks disappointed)
Ross: Molly, ah, do you mind giving us just a minute?
Molly: Sure, I'll go check on Emma.
Ross: Thanx.
(Molly gets up and walks away)
Joey: (upset) Will the stable boy never get the princess??
Ross: What do you think you're gonna do, have s*x with her right here on my couch?
Joey: No ... the leather sticks to my ass. You know, this isn't fair. What makes you think that I'm just gonna sleep with her and then blow her off? Huh? Can't you guys open your minds to the possibility that I actally like her, and might want something real? (pause) Look, the truth is, I haven't felt this way about anyone since Rachel, ok? I didn't think I could ever love again.
(pause)
Ross and Chandler: Come on! Joe!
Joey: Ok (admits)
(knock on door, Ross opens, it's a woman)
Woman: Hi, is Molly here?
Ross: Yeah, come on in. Molly?
Molly: (goes out of the room) Hey! Guys, this is Tabatha (they kiss on the lips in a romantic way). (to Ross) I'll see you tomorrow.
Ross: Ok ... (they leave the room, long pause) Well, uh, Joey, I guess we have no problem.
Joey: It's like my favorite fairy tale come true! (Chandler looks at him) The princess, the stable boy and the lesbian!
[Scene: Phoebe's place, Phoebe and Mike enter]
Phoebe: Ok, ok, you start preparing the formula and I start changing the box and then we gotta put them straight to bed.
Mike: Hey, when did we become one of those couples whose lives revolve around their rats?
Phoebe: Well, you know what, they're our responsibility now.
Mike: Ok, fine, these rats are our responsibility. What happens when they mate and there are hundreds of them?
Phoebe: Mate? They're all brothers and sisters.
Mike: Yeah - not such a problem with rats. No, they're more of a "love the one you're with" kind of animals.
Phoebe: No. (opens the box) wh - get off your sister! Oh my god, what are we gonna do? We have 7 rats. So what if each of them has 7 rats? And then each of those have 7 rats? That's like ... (starts counting with her fingers) That's math I can't even do! What are we gonna do?
Mike: Well, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but, we could not let the box of rats ruin our lives.
Phoebe: Yeah, ok. I guess you're right. Allright, so we should just give them away. But to nice families, with children, and reduced fat wheat thins. They're Bob's favorites.
Mike: It's gonna be ok.
Phoebe: You must think I'm crazy.
Mike: No, I think you're sweet.
Phoebe: Good. It's just so hard, it's hard for me to ... let them go. I guess it just brings back memories, you know, from ... when I gave birth to my brother's triplets and I had to give them up. (Mike is shocked) I haven't told you about that yet, have I?
[Scene: Rachel's party, Rachel is on the balcony, Monica goes there also]
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Hi. Thanks for the party, honey. Should I help you clean up?
Monica: No way! You had your party, now I have mine! Is everything alright?
Rachel: Yeah, I just get a little bummed when my birthday's over.
Monica: Well, at least you have one thing to be happy about. That jerk Gavin from your office didn't show up (Gavin shows up at the balcony windows).
Rachel: Mmm hmm.
Gavin: Yeah, hey. (comes in to the balcony)
Monica: Oh, we weren't talking about you. No, no way to recover.
Rachel: No.
(Monica goes back inside)
Gavin: Nice party.
Rachel: Well, it was, and you would have seen it if you didn't showed up at (looks at his watch) ... 9:30?? God! Oh, this party was lame ...
Monica: (from inside) Again, you're welcome.
Gavin: Look, I'll just give you this and go.
Rachel: Oh, you bought me a present! Why?
Gavin: Well, let me explain how birthday parties usually work. There are presents, and a cake, perhaps a fourth or fifth person. Ok, I ... got you the present to make up for being such a jerk to you earlier.
Rachel: Aww. Well, ok, well that's very nice. And you wrote a card (opens the card). "From Gavin"
Gavin: I really mean it.
Rachel: (opens the present, it's a green scarf) Awww, awww, it's beautiful.
Gavin: You don't mind? (puts it around her neck) Well, what do you know, it fits!
Rachel: See, Gavin, you're capable of being a nice guy. Why did you give me such a hard time?
Gavin: I'm not sure.
Rachel: Well Monica seems to think it's because you have feelings for me.
Gavin: I do have feelings for you.
Rachel: You do?
Gavin: Yes, I feel that you are a little annoying.
Rachel: See? Why, Gavin, why? Right when I'm about to change my opinion of you, you go and you ... (he kisses her) and you do that ... (they kiss again)
[cut to Ross from his appartment, holding baby toys and is shocked to see them kissing]
ENDING CREDITS
Chandler: (sings in a helium voice) First I was afraid, I was petrified (very happy)
Phoebe: (walks in) Hey
Chandler: (normal voice) Hi
Phoebe: Listen, I think I've left something here.
Chandler: Oh, well someone left this (shows a green jacket). This is yours?
Phoebe: (likes the jacket) No, but I like it. I think I left one of my rat babies.
Chandler: Oh, uh, well, I haven't seem it but if I do I'll let you know.
Monica: Ohmygod! Rat baby! Rat baby! Rat baby! (screams from another room)
Phoebe: (realizes) Ooh, maybe that's him! | Plan: A: Phoebe; Q: Who adopts an orphaned rat family? A: Ross; Q: Who is shocked to see Rachel kiss Gavin? A: Rachel; Q: Who kisses Gavin on the balcony? A: Molly; Q: Who is the new nanny that Ross and Rachel hire? A: Melissa George; Q: Who plays Molly? A: Joey; Q: Who is Molly's boyfriend? A: a lesbian; Q: What is Molly's sexual orientation? A: Chandler; Q: Who is Monica's boyfriend? A: Emma; Q: Who is Ross caring for? A: Dermot Mulroney; Q: Who plays Gavin? Summary: Phoebe adopts an orphaned rat family. Ross and Rachel hire a new nanny - Molly (Melissa George), but Ross becomes concerned when Joey starts hitting on her. He is relieved to discover Molly is a lesbian, but Joey is more encouraged. Rachel continues quarreling with Gavin, but at her birthday party, kisses him on Monica and Chandler's balcony. Unbeknownst to her, Ross, caring for Emma, is shocked at seeing this. Guest stars: Dermot Mulroney as Gavin |
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously, on Veronica Mars... Veronica and Keith watch the election results at home in 206 Rat Saw God.
NEWS ANCHOR: And we're officially calling the sheriff's race. Don Lamb holds onto his seat in a real nail-biter. At the Sheriff's Department, a man in glasses talks to Lamb.
MAN: I have information about that Mexican kid who got killed.
LAMB: Felix Toombs?
MAN: I'm the one who made the anonymous call from the bridge.
Logan is in a line-up.
LOGAN: You like me! You really like me! And I wanna thank my agent. Outside, Lamb gives Logan some advice.
LAMB: You might want to get a lawyer.
LOGAN: What, for this charade?
Veronica pours out her anxieties to Duncan at Java the Hut in 202 Driver Ed.
VERONICA: If it wasn't for me, Meg would have been in the limo. She wouldn't need a machine to breathe. A bathrobed Duncan receives Lizzie in the Presidential Suite in 204 Green-Eyed Monster.
LIZZIE: Meg has a laptop my parents didn't know about. They're gonna want to see what's on it. We have to get her personal stuff off this computer.
Cut to photos of the fake and the real Sandpiper Hotel, last seen in 203 Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang, as Veronica shows them to Mr Pope.
POPE: This has to be a mistake.
VERONICA: Mr Casablancas is artificially driving up his company's value. It IS a house of cards, and someone's gonna sneeze on it: me.
Cassidy is bewildered as Big Dick reacts badly to the news he has brought.
SECRETARY: Mr Casablancas? Some gentlemen from the SEC are here to see you. Big Dick flies off in a helicopter. End previouslies.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE.
"The Big Lebowski" is playing on the TV, Jeff Bridges in full-voice as "The Dude."
THE DUDE: Look, let me explain something to you. Uh, I am not Mr Lebowski; you're Mr Lebowski. Veronica and Duncan are on the sofa. Duncan is kissing the back of Veronica's neck/snacking on her hair. Veronica, remote in hand, is intent on the movie, starting to speak the dialogue along with the actor.
VERONICA/THE DUDE: I'm the Dude.
THE DUDE: So that's what you call me. You know, uh, that, or, uh, His-
As Duncan raises his head, accepting defeat regarding her attention, Veronica's voice goes deeper as she continues following the dialogue.
VERONICA/THE DUDE: -Dudeness. Or, uh, Duder, or, uh, you know, El Duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing- Having glared at the screen, Duncan takes the remote from Veronica and pauses the film.
DUNCAN: Veronica. You need to stop being the Dude.
VERONICA: Stoner bowler doesn't do it for you?
DUNCAN: A little. Only because I like the way your lips pout when you do guy voice.
Veronica pouts and puts her finger on her chin.
VERONICA: [babyish] These lips? I've had 'em for years, I can't do a thing with 'em. Now she gives him her undivided attention as he leans over and they kiss, sinking down into the sofa. They start getting more passionate when Logan enters, slamming the door and dropping his school bag on the floor. He looks over at them and smirks. Duncan and Veronica pulls apart.
LOGAN: Where's my martini and why don't I smell pot roast? Logan flings off his jacket and sits on the sofa, next to Veronica.
LOGAN: Hey, you're watching "The Big Lebowski." Why didn't you wait for me?
DUNCAN: I didn't know when you were coming home.
LOGAN: Well, you know, when you asked me to move in I thought it was because you wanted to spend more time together.
Logan looks past Veronica at Duncan, smiling sweetly. Veronica reaches forward for the remote.
VERONICA: You just missed the supermarket scene. She's about to start the movie up again when there is a knock at the door.
LOGAN: And there's my room service. Logan gets up to answer the door.
LOGAN: Seriously, though, I was reading "Third Wheel: A Beginner's Guide," and we should come up with, like, some kind of code word for when you guys are feeling frisky and, uh, don't want to be disturbed.
VERONICA: Like "scram"?
Duncan snorts a laugh.
LOGAN: I was thinking "awkward." But scram's good. Or "amscray." Logan turns to get the door as Duncan does an "okay" sign with his fingers. Logan opens the door. It's Kendall who, in a black dress, is looking more than a little frisky. She waggles her eyebrows. Logan grins.
LOGAN: You're not my grilled cheese.
KENDALL: No.
LOGAN: Hmm.
Kendall saunters in, past a happy and satisfied-looking Logan, who sniffs the air through which she has passed. Kendall stops when she sees Veronica, Logan pausing behind her. Veronica vaguely attempts to hide her face behind her hand. Kendall points at Veronica and then at Duncan.
KENDALL: iPod girl with the waxy-eared boyfriend. Small world. Veronica makes a finger gesture for "tiny." Behind Kendall, Logan is smiling as he works out that Veronica conned Kendall as part of her surveillance.
VERONICA: Like this big. Kendall turns, glances at Logan, who waggles his eyebrows, and goes straight into his bedroom (ie. she's been here before). Logan starts to follow, then turns back to Veronica and Duncan.
LOGAN: My code word will be...endurance. Duncan nods as Veronica stares at him distastefully. Logan holds up a hand and gives a fluttering wave before turning and disappearing into the bedroom. Duncan tightens his arm around Veronica, looking to continue where they left off.
DUNCAN: Weren't we doin' something? Veronica is no longer in the mood.
VERONICA: We were making out on the couch, and then that happened. Duncan eases back with a sigh.
VERONICA: Dick and Beav's stepmom just came over to have a go-around with your bunkmate. How does that not bother you?
DUNCAN: 'Cause I'm a guy?
Veronica gives him an offended look.
DUNCAN: What? If he was in there with Dick and Beaver's real mom, I'd be bothered, but it's Kendall. She's like our age.
VERONICA: She's twenty-five.
DUNCAN: Yeah, but, not really. You know what I mean, she's...
Veronica pulls back and looks at him expectantly.
DUNCAN: What? She's hot. Like that's news. Veronica scoffs.
VERONICA: [sarcastic] Well ass slaps and high fives to Logan for bangin' a hot chick. Maybe she'll buy us beer.
DUNCAN: I'd ask her, but I think she'll be in there for a while.
Veronica groans and points the remote at the television.
INT - NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL (NHS), CLASSROOM - DAY.
The FBLA are in session again. On the blackboard are some words of wisdom: "...all know what a bank is. Did...w banks PAY you to save your...with them. They pay you a little bit...ch day you keep your money in their...hey call a 'Savings Account'...ey...calls 'Interest...m got p...erest...to...est." Mr Pope is in full flow, slowly circling behind the students' desks, including those of Dick and Gia. Dick is writing something on Gia's hand.
POPE: What a difference a day makes. You're in the pink, you're in the red. Everyone laughs. Pope carries on behind Cassidy and Veronica, then past an empty desk to Logan. On the board behind him are some more words of wisdom: "...ny banks pay i...will learn the...of saving...about a futur...r, find out...uch it pays.
POPE: You're on top of the world, you're sleeping in the gutter, not a penny to your name.
LOGAN: You've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet!
Logan's referencing of Sinatra's "That's Life" amuses everyone, particularly Logan. Having reached the end of the desks, Pope turns back, walking the other way.
POPE: Last week, Miss Mars was, as you kids call it, flush... Veronica does a fist-pump.
POPE: ...with Mr Casablancas breathing down her neck.
STUDENT: Ooo.
POPE: Well, the worm has turned.
Pope points his zapper at the screen at the front of the classroom. It is a line graph showing the respective positions of the students in the 2005-6 FBLA Portfolio Race. There are ten students taking part, each starting with just under a million. Going down the left side is the amount, in increments of $180,000. Along the bottom is the week number. The latest positions are for week four. The two best performers, shown in pink and yellow lines are neck and neck, with pink in front, until week four, when yellow shoots past to a worth of $1,800,000 as against pink's $1,530,000 or thereabouts. The name Cassidy C appears next to the yellow line. Cassidy clicks his fingers at Veronica.
CASSIDY: Boo-yah!
VERONICA: Nobody likes an eager beaver.
GIA: Dick, where's your line?
DICK: Yeah, hey, where's Dick Inc?
Pope zaps again. Dick's name appears against the line at the very bottom of the graph, having plunged to that position between weeks one and two.
POPE: Well, uh, as you'll recall, I recommended you not invest everything in one company and yet you put all of your money into Casablancas Realty.
DICK: Yeah, baby, keep it all in the family, that's right.
Gia does a very girly and loud laugh.
POPE: Well now you have nothing. Mr Echolls, oh, Mr Echolls, I'm afraid that your stock has declined seriously as well. Logan's performance is shown as Pope zaps again. Logan's path has been one of steady decline although showing signs of levelling off. Logan doesn't even look, intent on inking up the bottom of his shoe.
LOGAN: I'm not worried. I tend to bounce back.
POPE: And Mr Kane.
He zaps. Duncan, having done well the first week, better than anyone, has plunged steadily since and now lies between Dick and Logan.
POPE: Well, maybe it's better he doesn't know. Veronica and Logan both look over at the empty seat, neither knowing why he is absent.
EXT - GOLF CLUB - DAY.
Woody Goodman is on the putting green, making his third attempt to sink a ball. He fails and groans cheerfully, laughing. Keith is watching.
WOODY: Ah! This'd be more enjoyable if I were good at it.
KEITH: Any news on the bus crash, Woody?
WOODY: The sheriff has assured me he's working on it.
KEITH: So you've seen some progress, he's following up on leads?
Woody walks over to join Keith.
WOODY: Absolutely. Absolutely. Listen, Keith, I want to share something with you.
KEITH: What's that?
WOODY: My vision for Neptune.
Wood puts his golf club back in his golf bag, resting on the back of a golf cart.
KEITH: The election's over, Woody. You sold your vision.
WOODY: [enthusiastically] I promised a cleaner, safer Neptune. Want to know how I'm gonna get there? Incorporation. Turn our little county seat into a full-fledged city. Santa Barbara, Carmel, La Jolla, they all did it. Upped their tax base, turned that revenue into antique streetlamps, cobblestone streets, increased sanitation. I defy you to find graffiti in Carmel, Keith. It cannot be done. Here...
KEITH: What boundaries are we talking about?
WOODY: South to the marina, north to the airfield, east to the reservoir.
Keith grins.
KEITH: That's not a town, Woody, that's a...that's a country club.
WOODY: You're exaggerating. Nine thousand people would reside in the city of Neptune. They'd need a chief of police. County would still have Lamb, twice the police protection, everybody wins.
KEITH: I wouldn't even be able afford to live in the town that I was protecting and serving.
WOODY: We'd make it worth your while.
Woody pats Keith on the shoulder. He climbs into the cart and drives off.
WOODY: See ya!
ANNOUNCER: ...check in with the starter. Ruggiero and Porso, check in with the starter, please.
Keith watches him go, thoughtfully.
INT - NHS, HALLWAY - DAY.
Veronica talks into her cell phone as she walks.
VERONICA: Hey, are you sick, or am I gonna see you singing "Twist and Shout" on a parade float? Call me. Having made her "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" reference, she ends the call, puzzled as she approaches the girls' bathroom. There is an "Out of Order" sign on the door. She ignores it and enters.
INT - NHS, GIRLS BATHROOM - CONTINUING.
Logan is leaning against the sinks.
LOGAN: Hey, you remember when we, uh, made out against the sink and you had your legs around my waist?
VERONICA: [unembarrassed] Stop, you'll make me blush.
Logan moves to stand in front of her, grinning.
LOGAN: Honestly, how much easier would your life be if you were indifferent to me?
VERONICA: [evenly] So much since I'm really struggling. What do you want?
LOGAN: I don't know if you noticed that I got arrested. Super fun. This guy came forward saying he was the 9-1-1 caller the night Felix got killed. And he's attempting to ruin my life. I thought maybe you could do a little sleuthing for old times' sake.
VERONICA: [disinterestedly] Really? Could I?
Logan's face falls.
LOGAN: But why would you, right? Veronica impassively shakes her head as she can't think of a single reason.
LOGAN: Hey. Logan does his humourless, resigned laugh.
LOGAN: At least I got to enjoy asking you for help. He heads for the door. Veronica sighs and has second thoughts.
VERONICA: "Old times' sake"? Logan pauses at the door.
VERONICA: Give me something I can work with.
LOGAN: The witness said I threatened him.
He moves back towards her.
LOGAN: He's setting me up. I need to know why.
VERONICA: What's his name?
INT - NHS, HALLWAY - DAY.
Duncan is hurrying down the hallway, carrying some papers. Veronica exits the bathroom, pulling off the "Out of Order" sign with an impatient jerk. She and Duncan spot each other through the melee of students.
VERONICA: Hey, I just tried to call you.
DUNCAN: I need to talk with you.
Duncan grabs her arm and starts to steer her to a classroom opposite the door to the girls' bathroom just as Logan exits, walking into a couple of girls on their way in.
GIRL: Hel-lo! Duncan sees this but does not react other than to continue to steer Veronica into the empty classroom.
INT - NHS, CLASSROOM - CONTINUING.
Duncan pushes Veronica into the dark and empty FBLA classroom. She starts to explain.
VERONICA: Logan wanted me to help him- Duncan shuts the door.
DUNCAN: I'm not really thinking about that right now. Duncan walks past her and faces her. He seems somewhat bothered. Behind him, Pope's screen is still on, displaying the message: "Be kind for everyone...hard battle."
DUNCAN: Lizzie gave me that hard drive to hide for Meg, and...I downloaded some of her files last night. I just...I wound up reading some of her emails. Veronica looks through the papers.
VERONICA: Why is Meg emailing someone at Child Protection Services?
DUNCAN: She found out one of the kids she baby-sits for is being abused.
VERONICA: Oh my god.
DUNCAN: She's been emailing this agent, trying to help the kid, but she doesn't have proof. I-it's not sexual, they're not beating him, they're like...mentally tormenting him. I keep going through them, but...she never says who he is. [Urgently] We have to find him.
Opening credits.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
The discussion has shifted. Veronica is sitting on the small couch, looking through the emails as Duncan paces.
DUNCAN: So basically, he's between seven and ten and his parents are psycho. That'll narrow it down.
VERONICA: She asks the agent if one of the books would be helpful.
DUNCAN: They make him right these admonishments over and over, hundreds of times. I was bad, I deserve to be punished...I think Meg has one of the books.
Duncan joins Veronica on the couch, looking though some of the emails that are laid out on the table.
DUNCAN: I remember reading that she stole one.
VERONICA: Well, then at least we have step one: get the book.
DUNCAN: From a house where there's always someone home and they always hate us. The only time Meg let me come over was on Sunday nights when her parents went to church group.
VERONICA: Then we'll go Sunday night. In the meantime, we have to figure out who Meg babysat for.
DUNCAN: The Fullers have a son. And Mrs Hauser. There was a neighbour but I think they only had a baby...um, the Martins had twin girls, the Goodmans, this other lady like once...
Veronica stares at Duncan, surprised at the depth of his knowledge of Meg's babysitting activities.
DUNCAN: She babysat a lot. I think they call it a part-time job. It-it's when you do this thing called work, and strangers pay you instead of the Allowance Fairy.
VERONICA: Ah, the Allowance Fairy. Elusive in Neptune outside the 09er zip.
DUNCAN: Meg's parents are big on the not-being-spoiled thing.
VERONICA: Well, the Goodmans don't need a babysitter now that Gia's back, and the others I'll just have to convince to trust me with their children long enough for me to get a writing sample.
DUNCAN: To compare to the book that Meg stole.
VERONICA: Yeah.
DUNCAN: After we break into Meg's house.
VERONICA: Pretty much.
Keith walks into the office, looking through his post. He holds up a piece of mail.
KEITH: Well look who got an invite to the sheriff department's fundraiser slash bachelor auction.
VERONICA: Please say "Veronica Mars."
KEITH: Sorry, sweetheart. You can't buy love. Bored wives of the wealthy, however, can.
Duncan sniggers.
KEITH: I'm wondering if they'll sell Sheriff Lamb by the pound. Keith drops the invitation on the table in front of Veronica. It is in the form of a tri-fold card with only one side folded over. On the right is the announcement: "Neptune's Hottest Bachelors go on the Auction Block!" Underneath is a small logo, featuring the Neptune trident. On the left, on the folded part, is a cheesy half-body picture of a uniformed Lamb pointing to the announcement. Veronica picks it up. She and Duncan fold back the picture of Lamb to mock what's underneath.
KEITH: Hey, what's going on? She got you working now, too? Duncan smiles and shrugs with his hands.
INT - CASABLANCAS RESIDENCE - DAY.
Barry Randall, the 09ers' favourite lawyer, is attending Kendall, Dick and Cassidy in the rather formal living room. Kendall and Dick are on one sofa, while Dick is facing them on another. Barry is in a chair at the end of the sofas and between them. Cassidy is fidgeting, his foot on the coffee table, causing it to rattle.
BARRY: The house and cars were paid in full, so you don't have to worry on that front. Kendall slaps Cassidy's leg.
KENDALL: Stop it. I keep thinking it's an earthquake. As Kendall adjusts her position, Dick takes the opportunity to try and look up her skirt, a fact that does not go unnoticed by an exasperated Kendall.
BARRY: Unfortunately, in light of recent events all of Dick's other assets have been frozen pending trial.
KENDALL: Trial? Um, the verdict's in. Dick's off drinking Mai Tais on some beach, probably being fanned by the local natives with hundred dollar bills. He's not coming back.
BARRY: As for the boys, Dick junior and Cassidy each have a trust fund.
DICK: Sweet.
BARRY: However, you're not eligible to withdraw from them until your twenty-first birthday.
Cassidy looks distraught but Dick is oblivious.
DICK: Dude, my twenty-first birthday's gonna to rock so hard. I love you, Daddy.
KENDALL: And? What about me?
BARRY: You don't have any separate accounts from Dick. He didn't put any property in your name.
KENDALL: I'm their mother. Can't I have some of their money?
Dick isn't so keen on that idea.
BARRY: The only remaining trustee for the funds is their biological mother. Dick smirks.
KENDALL: So what am I supposed to do?
BARRY: I don't know. What'd you do before?
Kendall does not look too impressed with that.
EXT - NHS - DAY.
Veronica walks and talks on her cell.
VERONICA: Mrs Fuller? This is Veronica Mars. I helped Sabrina out with that GPA issue. She pauses to listen as Duncan joins her and listens in.
VERONICA: Yes, I'm calling because I'm a friend of Meg Manning's and I'm trying to help out with her babysitting commitments. [pause] I do, I have excellent references, and I'm available any time you need. Veronica pauses again to listen, rolling her eyes.
VERONICA: Yes, I do know CPR. Duncan laughs as they carry on off screen
MRS HAUSER: [offscreen] STDs will kill you.
INT - NHS, CLASSROOM - DAY.
Jane Kuhne, last seen hobbling in 202 Driver Ed, sneezes at her desk. Her teacher looks down on her viciously.
MRS HAUSER: Sexually transmitted diseases are no joke, Jane.
JANE: I wasn't laughing, I sneezed.
MRS HAUSER: See how much you're sneezing when you have gonorrhoea!
Gia, sitting behind Veronica in the classroom, giggles, as do some of the other students. Mrs Hauser is in no mood for it.
MRS HAUSER: This is important, useful information that you, trust me, are going to need to know about. Jane sneezes again. Mrs Hauser points to the door.
MRS HAUSER: Out! Jane shoots up and races out, letting go of another sneeze as she goes. Mrs Hauser turns her attention to the rest of the class.
MRS HAUSER: All right, people, pair up. You each have a piece of paper with an STD on it. You have to inform your partner that you have said STD. Veronica turns to Gia behind her, gesturing that they partner up. Gia nods enthusiastically. Veronica twists around and pulls her chair up to Gia's table.
VERONICA: All right, Gia, we can be partners, but no glove, no love. Gia giggles. Dick is sitting at the desk next to Gia. Behind Gia is a poster declaring the joys of milk served in a martini glass: "Good shaken or stirred."
DICK: Yeah, let's get the dried-up divorcée to teach us about s*x.
GIA: I heard her husband left her for a man.
DICK: And now we get bitchy and bitter for a year.
Mrs Hauser is back at her desk, the contents of which include a nameplate. Over the "Mrs," she has pasted a piece of paper changing her title to "Ms." She bangs on her desk to bring their attention back to what they are supposed to be doing. Gia looks at her card.
GIA: Mrs Hauser, mine's wrong. Isn't this a flower?
MS HAUSER: No, Gia. Chlamydia is not a flower.
GIA: Well we have it on like a trellis at our beach house.
VERONICA: Your trellis is a whore.
GIA: You're very funny, Veronica. Really, you should know that about yourself.
VERONICA: Thank you, Gia.
GIA: I used to be funny at my old school. People here don't get me.
VERONICA: I think your wit totally translates.
GIA: You think? I don't know, I used to have like a zillion girlfriends at my other school. Here, all I meet are guys.
Veronica sighs in girlie-fashion.
VERONICA: You know what I haven't done in forever? Just gone to a girlfriend's house and like, watched movies and looked at her clothes...
GIA: You should come look at my clothes! You could sleep over!
Veronica does her "swell" gasp just at the bell rings. Students start to bolt.
MS HAUSER: Hey hey hey hey hey! Ms Hauser holds up her hand until they freeze, then waves them off. All the students leave, except Veronica who approaches Ms Hauser's desk.
VERONICA: Ms Hauser? I'm taking on new babysitting clients and I know Meg used to work for you...
MS HAUSER: I am a working single mother, Veronica. The last thing I need is a babysitter. I need a clone.
VERONICA: I could be there to help out while you work around the house. Give you a chance to throw in a load of laundry or take a bath.
MS HAUSER: Last thing I need is more time in the tub. No sale, Miss Mars.
Veronica takes a breath to try again but Ms Hauser forestalls her with a raised finger.
MS HAUSER: Know when to fold 'em. Veronica recognises that she is beaten but notes the book on Ms Hauser's desk: "You're Forty and He's Gone - Dating After Divorce" by Pamela Hunsaker. She exits.
INT - FULLER RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Along the wall are certificates and testimonials to Sabrina Fuller including one for her work as an intensive care volunteer and one from the President's Education Awards Program for outstanding academic achievement. Jessica Fuller is showing off to Veronica.
JESSICA: First semester at college and Sabrina's top of her class. She just flourishes in academia. Here's your schedule for tonight. She hands Veronica a printed, colour-coded sheet.
JESSICA: You'll see I gave you a five minute window in between each activity. I gave you thirty minutes to get acquainted with Edwin while making cookies. Then on to reading for at least an hour. He likes to keep going until he finishes the chapter. Then he can colour until bedtime. Behind her, a man and a boy enter the house.
STUART: He won't give you any trouble. I think my fastball tired him out. Stuart Fuller. He holds out his hand and they shake.
STUART: Thanks for coming on such short notice, Veronica.
VERONICA: I'm happy to have the gig.
JESSICA: Oh, and there's a phone sheet on the refrigerator.
STUART: It has every number we could ever possibly be reached at, barring alien abduction.
JESSICA: Most important, no boys. I know you're a friend of Meg's, and I almost let her go because of that boyfriend of hers. This isn't Inspiration Point. Give Mommy and Daddy a kiss goodbye.
Jessica bends down and kisses her son, as does Stuart.
JESSICA: Mm-mm. The Fullers leave, watched by Veronica and Edwin. Veronica looks down at the child. This is the same child that let Veronica into the house in 117 Kane and Abel's. He is however now very different from the androgynous casual child seen then. His hair is slicked back and he is very neat. He hands her his baseball glove.
VERONICA: So, Edwin, what do YOU wanna do?
EDWIN: We're supposed to make cookies.
Veronica nods, resigned. Cut to later in the Fuller's library. Veronica is on the sofa, watching Edwin as he sits in at a small table quietly, reading "Moby Dick."
VERONICA VOICEOVER: A ten-year-old boy who voluntarily washes his hands, who enjoys quiet time, and does what he's told with a smile. If he doesn't pick his nose soon, I'm looking for wires. Edwin look back at a clock showing 7pm. He closes his book and puts it back in the bookshelf.
VERONICA: How was your book?
EDWIN: Good. May I please colour now?
VERONICA: Knock yourself out.
Edwin leaves the room. Veronica's cell rings and she answers.
VERONICA: Hello.
DUNCAN: [offscreen] How's it going?
VERONICA: Disturbingly well.
Veronica gets up and walks to the door, gazing on Edwin in the other room, quietly colouring on the table there.
VERONICA: I grabbed some old homework for a writing sample and I'll snoop after he goes to sleep. Which I'm sure will be in exactly thirty-four minutes.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - CONTINUING.
Duncan is sitting on the sofa at the suite.
DUNCAN: I'm having a hard time picturing you babysitting.
INT - FULLER RESIDENCE - CONTINUING.
The camera continues to cut between them.
VERONICA: Really? Maybe because it's such a Meg thing? You guys did it so much. Duncan looks a little puzzled but before he can say anything, Veronica gasps at a loud knock at the window. It's Logan.
DUNCAN: Are you all right?
VERONICA: Yeah. It's just a really big bug.
Veronica heads for the window.
VERONICA: I'll call you back. She whispers loudly through the glass. Logan looks impatient.
VERONICA: I said ten-thirty! Veronica moves back into the house to get a file from her bag and check on Edwin, who is happily occupied with his Joshola crayons.
VERONICA: How you doing, Edwin?
EDWIN: Good.
VERONICA: You need anything?
EDWIN: No thank you.
Veronica returns to the library. Cut to a little later. Logan and Veronica are sat on the sofa. Logan has the file and is going through it.
VERONICA: Your 9-1-1 caller, a.k.a. Tom Griffith, is Doctor Tom Griffith. He is a very expensive, well-respected plastic surgeon.
LOGAN: I don't believe it. There are no respected plastic surgeons.
Logan clears his throat and carries on turning over the papers. He reaches a copy of an article about Tom Griffith. That which can be read says: ...riffith, MD, FACS...astic Surgery Council of America...rienced, world renowned plastic surgeon...wenty-years, Dr Griffith has helped over...achieve uplifting, confidence inspiring...e of cosmetic surgery...st technologies and using only the most...Dr Griffith has not only made lives better...ncement, but has also returned lives to...tructive surgery...only the wealthy, Dr Griffith lead a...teams through developing countries,...to those in need of cosmetic enhance-..." On the right hand side of the sheet is a menu leading to patient testimonials, awards and accolades, and education history. These are under a picture of Tom Griffith.
LOGAN: That's not him.
VERONICA: Sure it is.
LOGAN: Oh.
Veronica leans forward to tap the file.
VERONICA: Dr Tom Griffith, says there right on the picture.
LOGAN: That's not the guy from the bridge.
VERONICA: What are you talking about? You told the police you couldn't identify the guy, you said the whole night was a blur.
LOGAN: I lied.
VERONICA: 'Course you did.
LOGAN: Well I didn't want the guy found. You know, I didn't-I didn't know what he was gonna say. I knew I was free and clear if they never found him.
Veronica hears the sound of car doors closing. She jumps up, hastening Logan.
VERONICA: You have to go.
LOGAN: I need your help, the guy's lying!
Veronica turns back as she races out of the room.
VERONICA: Go! Logan stands there for a moment, then sighs loudly.
LOGAN: [softly] f*ck. He turns to go. Veronica runs to the hallway, just getting there as Jessica marches in.
JESSICA: We're a little early. Hope we didn't scare you.
VERONICA: Not at all.
JESSICA: How did everything go?
VERONICA: Great. Really, uh, Edwin's a dream.
They look over at the boy who smiles angelically. The Fullers look happily at Veronica.
EXT - FULLER RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Stuart Fuller sees Veronica to the porch. He has cash in one hand, which he gives her.
STUART: Thanks a lot, Veronica, we'll definitely call you again.
VERONICA: That'd be great.
STUART: We have a standing dinner date with friends on Fridays. Saturdays, of course, I'm on the boat by myself if you ever want to come by, smoke a J and fool around.
Veronica does a double take of which Stuart, completely relaxed and casual, takes no notice.
STUART: We usually do a day trip about once a month with my boss, if you don't mind working on a Sunday.
VERONICA: Um...
STUART: Oh, I almost forgot. Edwin drew this for you.
He hands her a folded piece of paper. He smiles and returns into the house. Veronica opens out the picture. It is a picture of Veronica, decapitated, with blood spurting out from the appropriate locations. Veronica blows out her breath slowly.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY.
Veronica, sitting at the kitchen counter, is on the laptop, composing an email to Wallace. Her files are as have been seen before: Cases, Newspapers, Photographs, School Work and Stuff. For the second week in a row, she misspells Fennel, adding an extra L. The email is titled "Latest News: Recap."
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Wallace, Wallace, Wallace. Wherefore art thou? I know that quote doesn't really work, but you get the point. Things that have changed in the nineteen hours since my last email: I've grown four inches, changed my name to London, and have discovered that apparently I'm not the only love of Duncan's life. You really need to start answering my emails. This is a little too Doogie Howser's journal for me. Veronica sends off the missive.
INT - NHS, ADMINISTRATION OFFICE - DAY.
There is a bank of pigeon holes on one wall, each compartment marked with a name. The names include Mr Lung, Ms Armand, Mrs Cable-Graham and Mrs Murphy. A hand reaches in to collect papers from hole marked Mrs Hauser, only the Mrs has been crossed through and Ms handwritten in front of it. Ms Hauser opens the envelope that is on top of the pile of papers. It is the invitation to the Bachelor Action with one difference. Now, instead of being in his uniform, Lamb is shirtless and buff, thanks to Veronica's photoshop skills. She folds back the picture of Lamb to reveal: "1st Annual Neptune County Sheriff's Department Bachelor Auction Fundraiser, November 15 (or 16) 2005 7:30 pm. Neptune Grand Ballroom." It's followed by some further unreadable writing. Ms Hauser smiles and then turns to run out of the office.
ADMINISTRATION OFFICE WORKER: I think Mr Wilson is on the phone right now. Ms Hauser smiles and then turns to run out of the office-and straight into Veronica Mars. Veronica is standing at the door to the administration office, holding a pile of flyers. She has already posted one on the door, over one for Study Hall. Behind her is another, recruiting for the scuba club on the excellent advice to "join the one club that could get you eaten." Veronica's flyer, which is illustrated by the picture of a little girl and another of a teddy bear. It reads: "Babysitter For Hire. With more than 5 years experience caring for children, from 5 months to 12 years, I have the knowledge, skills and maturity to ensure your child's safety. I also have experiencing (sic) tutoring students up through 11th grade, and can organize to provide your child with quality education and one-on-one tutoring while I sit.* An...erienced baby sitter (sic) at a...ble price. Available on Short Notice...certified (3 years now)...Child Care Provider..."
MS HAUSER: Does this seem like a good place for you to be standing?
VERONICA: [contrite] Sorry.
Ms Hauser glances down at the flyers in her hand.
VERONICA: Just hanging some flyers.
MS HAUSER: Do you have references?
VERONICA: I do.
Ms Hauser grabs one and walks away from an extremely satisfied Veronica.
INT - CASABLANCAS RESIDENCE - DAY.
The doorbell rings. Kendall, in baby doll nightie, short negligee and high heels, is trying to rush down the stairs.
KENDALL: I'm coming! God, I hate you. Coming! She opens the door. A woman carrying two large paper carrier bag marches in, hardly glancing at Kendall. She calls out.
BETINA: Cassidy! Dick junior! Mommy's here! Where are my little boys? Kendall watches her back and sighs. Cut to later. Betina carries sandwiches and joins her sons, placing the food on the coffee table.
BETINA: When's the last time you had a lunch like this?
DICK: When I was a Brady.
Dick reaches for a sandwich.
CASSIDY: This is great, Mom, really. We're glad you're here. Behind them, Kendall is slowly dusting, listening to every word.
BETINA: And so quickly, right? I hope you see that. You need me, I'm here. All you have to do is call. Kendall rolls her eyes.
BETINA: The only time I get to act like your mother is when your father's not around to stop me.
DICK: Wait. You know we want you to like, sign something, right? Funds are running a little low now that Dad's MIA.
BETINA: I know, Dick. It's so like your father to think about the glory moment and forget about the day-to-day. Everything's got to be big and flashy, it's all million-dollar trust funds and you can't buy bread.
CASSIDY: So you'll help us?
BETINA: Well I don't know, baby. It's a lot of money but that's all there is. I mean if you spend it all now there'll be nothing left for college or, god forbid, an emergency. I have to think about your future.
CASSIDY: [eagerly] Yeah, well maybe we could come live with you.
Dick slaps Cassidy hard on his shoulder.
DICK: Dude!
CASSIDY: Stop!
BETINA: Sweetheart, you know we spend most of the year in Europe.
CASSIDY: So, I like Europe.
BETINA: Oh.
Betina chuckles indulgently, ruffling Cassidy's hair.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
The doorbell rings. Legs pass a supine and silent Backup, heading for the door. Veronica looks down at the contented dog.
VERONICA: No bark? Is it your day off? Veronica opens the door. Ms Hauser pushes in, a paper bag in one hand and a child held by the other.
MS HAUSER: These are the snacks Albert is allowed to have. He cannot have anything else. No juice, no soda, no diet drinks. If it's not in this bag, it does not go in his mouth. Tell me you understand.
VERONICA: I understand.
MS HAUSER: We don't let television in our house and I expect that rule to be applied here. You can play with him, but don't get him too wound up. If you do exactly like I tell you, he will be perfectly behaved. Albert, this is Veronica.
VERONICA: Hi, Albert.
Veronica gives a little wave to the impassive boy. Ms Hauser kisses the top of her son's head, her mind already turning to the night's activities. She is seriously dressed up for the occasion. She checks her bosom, takes a deep and excited breath, and turns to hurry off.
VERONICA: Okay. Well, what do you feel like doing? I've got some games-
ALBERT: [demanding] I want ice cream.
VERONICA: Oh, your mom just said-
ALBERT: [more demanding] I want ice cream!
VERONICA: I got that, however-
Albert opens his mouth wide and screams.
ALBERT: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Veronica is horrified. Cut to later. Duncan races into the apartment, carrying a bag.
DUNCAN: They only had-
VERONICA: Shhhhh!
Veronica, finger on her lips in warning, is looking frazzled. She looks down at Albert. He is transfixed by the television in front of which he sits. Veronica drops her finger to point at him, too frightened to speak to break the spell. Duncan pulls a large carton of ice cream from the bag. Cut to a little later again as Veronica brings Albert's schoolbag into her room. She searches through to find a sample of his writing, which she does and places it in a folder on her desk. Cut to later still as Veronica opens the door to Ms Hauser.
MS HAUSER: Oh, look at that. Albert is fast asleep on the sofa.
MS HAUSER: And that's so unlike him to fall asleep.
VERONICA: I think he was bored.
MS HAUSER: Well that makes one of us.
Ms Hauser, positively giddy, playfully slaps Veronica's arm before heading for the sofa to gather up her son.
MS HAUSER: Come on, honey. Come on, honey. Come on, come on, baby, come on. There you go, oh, come to Mommy. Oh, that's a big... oh, that's my good boy, yes, yes, yes. Albert doesn't wake up as Ms Hauser pulls him up into her arms. She, still excited, starts dancing with her son's head lolling over her shoulder.
MS HAUSER: 'Cause Mom's got a date with a deputy! With a name like Sacks. Mm. Come on. Yep. Um. They leave and Veronica leans back against the closed apartment door, exhausted.
INT - GRIFFITH'S OFFICE - DAY.
Veronica is reading the degrees on the wall when Griffith enters.
DR GRIFFITH: Veronica? Hi, I'm Dr Griffith. He holds out his hand and they shake.
VERONICA: I'm so grateful you were able to fit me in. I know there's a lot of work to be done and I'd really like to get started as soon as possible.
DR GRIFFITH: Uh, please.
The doctor gestures for her to sit down and they head for his desk and the chair in front of it respectively.
DR GRIFFITH: What kind of work are you thinking about?
VERONICA: Uh, well, you tell me.
DR GRIFFITH: Well, that's not really how I work.
VERONICA: Okay, uh, well, definitely implants. Um...not, like, clown boobs, but, like a generous C. Um, and then there's...
She points to her nose.
VERONICA: ...the bump, and I-I think my lips could use some work.
DR GRIFFITH: You don't really want to have these procedures done.
VERONICA: If you're worried about money, my mother said I could have work done for my eighteenth birthday.
DR GRIFFITH: Veronica, I don't want to waste your time. Okay, uh, there's absolutely nothing you need to change. You're a-you're a gorgeous young woman. I wouldn't perform a single procedure on you.
Veronica is puzzled at finding an ethical plastic surgeon. They are interrupted when an assistant in a white coat knocks on the open door through which Griffith entered.
DOCTOR: Dr Griffith? They're ready. She points back into the other room.
DR GRIFFITH: Oh, right, thank you. Griffith turns his attention back to Veronica.
DR GRIFFITH: Um. Look, I have-I have a surgery right now, but I have some literature I'd-I'd really like you to look over, okay? He rises from his desk and picks up a leaflet from the corner of his desk, handing it to her. Veronica takes it.
DR GRIFFITH: Okay? Veronica nods.
DR GRIFFITH: Okay. Griffith leaves and Veronica looks down at the leaflet. It is entitled "Body Dysmorphic Disorder: Who you are, versus who you see."
LOGAN'S ANSWERING MACHINE: [offscreen] It's Logan.
EXT - GRIFFITH'S OFFICE - DAY.
Veronica is in the LeBaron, phone to her ear.
LOGAN'S ANSWERING MACHINE: "Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late." Ben Frankin.
VERONICA: The good news is, I'm perfect the way I am. The bad, your plastic surgeon is a mensch.
Veronica glances in the rear view mirror.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: A mensch who's surprisingly on the move. Veronica hangs up the phone and pays attention, watching from the side mirror as Griffith gets into his car.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Another patient too perfect for plastic, or was Dr Griffith giving me the slip? As Griffith pulls out, Veronica starts the LeBaron and follows.
EXT - CASABLANCAS RESIDENCE - DAY.
Dick's reflection is cast in the water as he walks along the side of the pool. He is carrying a large bag. He reaches Kendall who is lying under an umbrella. He drops the bag on her stomach, causing her to jerk up.
DICK: Don't say I never gave you nothin'. Kendall moves the bag off of her stomach and to the side, reaching in.
KENDALL: Well, it's not on fire. She pulls out a sexy French maid outfit. She holds it up.
KENDALL: What is this?
DICK: That's what you'll be wearing when you dust my armoire. My mother signed over our trust funds.
Dick climbs onto the chair next to her as Kendall slides as far away as possible in distaste.
DICK: Yeah, I guess she got used to life sans Dick and Beav, made sure we had enough coin to keep off her couch. Beaver's of course heartbroken. Me, I see it as a chance to bond with my new mom. Dick puts his arm around Kendall, hugging her to him. Kendall doesn't verbalise it, but her face most clearly says, "Eww!" She stares at him, mortified.
EXT - LIBERTY CIGARS & PIPES - DAY.
Griffith's car is parked outside the shop. A man is standing outside, enjoying a cigar. Veronica watches the shop front from the rear view mirror of the LeBaron.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Dr Egostroke's emergency? Shopping for stogies. After giving "another five minutes" for a half hour, I need to get out of the car. Veronica opens the car door.
INT - LIBERTY CIGARS & PIPES - DAY.
Boxes of cigars are everywhere. Veronica enters the shop just as a large man in a Hawaiian shirt exits. She looks around but does not see Griffith.
CUSTOMER: Are these from Honduras or...
STORE CLERK: Sir, we're all out...
She pauses and looks around again, without success. From behind her, a clerk, smoking a large cigar, comes out of another part of the shop or a booth behind her.
STORE CLERK: Can I help you?
VERONICA: Uh...yes. I am looking for a present, for my dad.
Veronica coughs slightly from the smoke drifting her way.
VERONICA: Um, he likes Cubans. The clerk nods.
STORE CLERK: Follow me. As he passes, Veronica waves away at the smoke and coughs again. There's a sign on the wall behind her: "Questions about your pipe? Looking for a SPECIAL tobacco? Need help with your dottle? Talk to CEDRIC our pipe expert. Cedric is here!! Every Tues (10am to 3pm) to handle your concerns or you can reach him at...cam." The contact details are obscured by another small sign pinned over them. Veronica turns to follow the clerk and is dismayed to see Griffith, just finishing with another clerk at the cash register.
CASHIER: Thank you very much, sir. Griffith takes a bag from the clerk and leaves. Veronica sighs.
INT - GOODMAN RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Gia, dressed in a green robe, approaches the front door and swings it open. Veronica is on the other side, clutching a Ninja Turtles sleeping bag. Gia claps.
GIA: Yay! I'm so excited! Veronica enters.
GIA: Oh, wait-wait-wait. You have to take off your shoes. Veronica, in the middle of taking off her jacket, looks a little puzzled.
GIA: My mother won't let anybody wear shoes in the house. She hands her coat to Gia and reaches down to remove her shoes.
GIA: You wouldn't believe the stuff you bring in from the outside world. Gia leads Veronica to a large closet.
GIA: You brought your sleeping bag, that's so cute! Gia hangs up Veronica's jacket in one part of the closet.
VERONICA: Well, I like to have the option. Don't judge me for my ninja turtles. Gia opens another part of the closet to reveal shelves of wicker baskets, each neatly labelled with names such as Rodney, Mother, Father.
VERONICA: Whoa, somebody likes their label maker. Gia puts Veronica's sleeping bag in one of the baskets.
GIA: Yeah, at least we know where to find everything. She takes Veronica's bag and shoes. She puts the bags on a shelf.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Yes, like the a**l psychos are located right about... Underneath is a rack for shoes. It is labelled "Guests." There are many shoes, at least five other pairs. Gia places Veronica's shoes in the one space left.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: ...here. Great. They kill their guests and steal their shoes. Veronica hears girlish laughter, with something akin to horror.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Please tell me they kill their guests. Music can be heard as well. Gia is grinning ear to ear.
GIA: I have a surprise for you. Gia puts her hand over Veronica's eyes and the screen goes blank.
GIA: Don't peek!
VERONICA VOICEOVER: My Spidey-sense is tingling. Something bad is happening.
Gia, having moved Veronica into another room, removes her hand and steps back.
GIA: It's a girls' night! There are three girls dancing and Gia joins them. Another girl is plaiting Madison's hair. Madison looks over at Veronica, supercilious. On the large TV, a music video is playing. Music: Pon De Replay by Rihanna.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LYRICS: Come Mister DJ song pon de replay Come Mister DJ won't you turn the music up All the gyal pon the dancefloor wantin some more what Come Mister DJ won't you turn the music up Hey Mister Please Mister DJ Tell me if you hear me Turn the music up Hey Mister Mister
Veronica gulps. End music: Pon De Replay by Rihanna.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT.
Fish adorn the glass niche above Logan's bed and candles glow on the bedside tables. He and Kendall are post-coital and panting. Logan starts to move to get out of bed but Kendall rolls back onto his chest, nuzzling him.
KENDALL: That was perfect...Baby. Oh, it feels so good to be with you, I just want to be with you all the time. Logan, his arms thrown back, isn't fooled.
LOGAN: Uh, bit of advice: when looking for a sugar daddy, at least pick the richest guy in the hotel suite. Kendall lifts herself off of him, staring down at him, offended.
LOGAN: I'm sorry. Did that hurt your feeling?
KENDALL: I can't believe you just said that to me. Doesn't this mean anything to you?
LOGAN: It does. It means I'm getting laid. And I owe your village a goat.
His own wit amuses him so much that he laughs. He reaches towards the bottom of the bed to grab his underwear, which he proceeds to slide into under the sheet.
KENDALL: You know, you can joke all you want. I know we have a connection, Logan. Logan scoffs.
KENDALL: You know, it may have just started off as s*x, but over these past few months it's grown into something more. Logan, having completed his semi-dressing, pulls himself up slightly and gazes at her.
LOGAN: Wow. So, your feelings have grown as your available balance has shrunk. It's like science! One of the problems of sleeping with your stepson's friend: information tends to leak. Logan gets out of bed and heads for the area where his clothes are hanging.
KENDALL: I don't know if you've noticed, but you have a pretty good situation for yourself here.
LOGAN: Yeah.
KENDALL: You wanna go back to playing grab-ass with cheerleaders that have just mastered missionary? See ya. You want things to keep going the way they've been going, I'm gonna need a few things.
Logan, his arms in his t-shirt, pauses to look at her.
LOGAN: I'm sorry, "see ya" was option A? Logan pulls the t-shirt over his head.
LOGAN: Bessie, when the milk stops being free, I stop drinking it.
KENDALL: Then what am I supposed to do?
LOGAN: Frankly, my dear...you know the rest.
Kendall sighs in frustration and leans down the bed for her own clothes as Logan smirks. Cut to a little later. Kendall exits Logan's room. She notices the door to Duncan's room is open and hears the shower. She walks into his room. Duncan emerges naked from the bathroom and looks up, startled by what he sees. He grabs a towel and wraps it around his waist.
KENDALL: I hope you don't mind. It's just that I have this itch on my back and I was hoping maybe you could give me a little scratch. Kendall is sitting on his bed, wearing only her necklace.
KENDALL: I have these fantastic nails, should you need me to return the favour. Duncan blinks.
INT - GOODMAN RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
The party is still going on. Music: The Nth Degree by Morningwood.
LYRICS: If you're rock n roll, disco, heavy metal angel Come on everybody, to the Nth Degree The four of us. The Royal We. He bangs the drums, she's VIP. He's never done, got OCD. Our love is to the Nth Degree. Uh oh, here we go. Turn up the radio, Come on everybody To the Nth Degree if you're rock n roll, disco, heavy metal angel Come on everybody, to the Nth Degree Come on everybody, to the Nth Degree
Gia brings an empty bowl of snacks to a table at which Rodney is quietly writing cards. Veronica follows.
GIA: That's my little brother Rodney. He's had a birthday, hence the thank you cards.
VERONICA: Hey, Rodney.
Rodney looks up at Veronica, then turns slightly, hiding his writing.
GIA: He's a little weird. But sweet. Gia holds up two more bowls of snacks.
GIA: I'm just gonna mix these together, or will they hate that? As Rodney turns back to face the table full on, his elbow send a small bowl of water, containing a sponge, to the floor, landing on the floor. Rodney freaks.
RODNEY: Oh no! Rodney gets down and rubs the carpet frantically with a cloth.
GIA: Rodney, it's just water. Veronica takes advantage of the distraction to pilfer one of the cards Rodney has written.
GIA: He's a little intense sometimes. Gia hands a bowl to Veronica and returns to the party. Veronica casts a look at Rodney before following. Madison and another girl are standing on the sofa, comparing bums.
MADISON: Oh my God, you are crazy. Her butt is so much smaller than mine.
GIRL: Hers is just higher.
Veronica puts the bowl down on the table, watching in disbelief at the inanity of it all. Behind her, Woody approaches Rodney. Veronica turns her back to the girls to watch.
WOODY: Rodney. Rodney! Your mother's going to be home soon. I'm gonna have to tell her about this. You know the rules. Woody and Rodney notice Veronica's gaze.
WOODY: Don't worry; we're not spying on you. Veronica smiles awkwardly.
WOODY: Come on, Rodney, we'll get your stuff, take it to your room, and let the girls have this party. They start collecting Rodney's things off the table. Behind her, Gia calls her.
GIA: Veronica. Do you know how to do dreadlocks? Veronica hasn't the strength to respond. Cut to a little later. The girls are all seated on the two facing sofas. Veronica watches the girlish interaction helplessly.
GIA: Don't you just love pizza? I ate a whole pie once; it kinda hurt. There is a gaggle of responses.
GIRLS: You know, pizza has more carbohydrates than, like, any other food. Veronica sighs and may or may not voiceover a comment. (It may also be one of the girls asking someone to pass the vodka.)
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Can you stop the {}?
GIRLS: That is so not true. Bread has like, a thousand more carbs. Pizza is bread, genius. It's broad and flat. It's like the best food ever.
GIA: [panicked] Wait, I think I just heard my mother.
Veronica is happy to have an excuse to slip out for a while.
VERONICA: I'll go check. One of the girls passes a bottle of vodka to Gia, who hides it behind a cushion as Veronica gets up. Veronica goes to the door. She sees Mrs Goodman place her shoes in their proper place in the closet. End music: The Nth Degree by Morningwood. She watches as Woody speaks quietly to his wife. Veronica edges forward to observe Mrs Woodman approach the chair on which Rodney is sitting, looking for all the world as if his life is over. After a moment, Rodney rises slowly and follows his mother down the hall and out of sight. Woody, who has also been watching, turns and walks to another room, slamming the door behind him, which makes Veronica jump.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT.
Logan is channel hopping. He starts with some animated turtles, then flips to a Bloomberg like channel. A ticker tape runs along the bottom of the screen with stock information from NYSE and AMEX (everything's up), and financial report information. On the right are the Dow figure and the futures for orange juice (down) and cocoa (up).
TV COMMENTATOR: ...look at the hurdles GM is trying to clear- There's another click of the remote as Kendall exits Duncan's room behind Logan. She sees him and makes a big show of wiping her mouth as she passes by, heading for the door of the suite.
LOGAN: You ever think about just getting a job? Kendall pauses, then turns to look at him.
KENDALL: This is my job. She turns on her heel and exits.
EXT - GOODMAN RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
The party has moved to the pool. The girls are seated in a circle by the side of it, Gia drinking straight from the bottle, before passing it to one of the other girls. Veronica, who unlike the rest has not changed into a bikini, sits uncomfortable between Gia and Madison.
MADISON: "Pretty Woman" is still my favourite movie. Vivian is, like, my hero.
VERONICA: She's a hooker.
GIA: Only because she had to be.
VERONICA: She's a hooker!
MADISON: You should put a tattoo right here...
Madison, who seems to have grown a few cup sizes herself, points to Veronica's chest.
MADISON: ...so people will have something to look at.
GIRLS: Oooooh.
Madison does a fake laugh. Veronica does the same before turning to Gia.
VERONICA: So Gia, how are things with you and Dick?
MADISON: Dick? Like, my Dick?
GIA: You dated Dick?
MADISON: Um, yeah, for like, ever.
GIA: That's so weird.
The devil of which they speak arrives right on cue, with animal noises. Carrying a bottle of something alcoholic and followed by Cassidy, he appears through the greenery and stops on top of a fake rock.
DICK: We came here for the panty raid! He takes a long swig from the bottle as the girls giggle.
GIRL: Oh, god.
DICK: We're stayin' for Spin the Bottle.
GIRL: Woo!
GIRL: Yeah!
VERONICA: I'm outta here.
Veronica pushes herself off the ground as Gia looks at her sadly. Madison starts to preen.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Veronica enters her bedroom and collapses onto the bed. Keith comes out of her bedroom to stand just inside her door.
KEITH: When you leave a sleepover early, I'm supposed to put a trench coat over my pyjamas and come pick you up.
VERONICA: Sorry, I drive now. And I'm not nine.
KEITH: You'll always be nine to me. Going on thirty.
Keith notices something. He starts to sniff one of her jackets, hanging by the door.
VERONICA: Whoa. You two need to be alone? Keith takes the jacket off the hook.
KEITH: I know we had the smoking talk somewhere between the birds and the bees and the drinking and driving.
VERONICA: Actually, I think it was more of a sentence-"Don't smoke"-and it was between the adventures of Pooh and Goodnight Moon.
KEITH: 'Splain.
Keith hands her the jacket and she takes a big whiff.
VERONICA: Oh, I went into a cigar shop to use the bathroom.
KEITH: Cigar shop on Ocean Avenue?
VERONICA: Yeah.
He takes the jacket back and re-hangs it.
KEITH: Find other facilities next time, okay? That place is notorious for dealing drugs. I tried to bust 'em about twenty times when I was sheriff. He grimaces at her and leaves the room. Veronica is thoughtful.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT.
Duncan, resplendent in black turtleneck and black trousers, opens the door to Veronica.
VERONICA: No ski mask?
DUNCAN: You said wear dark colours.
Veronica smiles as she walks into the suite.
VERONICA: We're not breaking into a bank vault in a James Bond movie.
DUNCAN: I don't do this every day.
VERONICA: Well after my brief stint with babysitting, I'm more than happy with the PI life. It's a sad state of affairs when I can't tell which kid is being locked in a closet because all the families are equally cuckoo.
Behind her, Logan has come out of his room.
LOGAN: Ah. Poetry reading? Hey, uh, Kendall wasn't bugging you yesterday, was she?
DUNCAN: No.
LOGAN: Good. Good. 'Cause, uh, when I saw she was in your room for a little while, I got nervous. You know, I know how she likes to talk a guy's ear off.
DUNCAN: She was just asking for my help with something.
Veronica looks quizzically at Duncan. He ignores it, putting his hand on her arm.
DUNCAN: We better get going.
EXT - MANNING RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Duncan leads Veronica to the back door. She hurries up to it as he pauses by a small shelf of flower pots.
VERONICA: Tell me they leave it open. He picks up keys from under one of the pots.
DUNCAN: No. I've seen Meg do this a bunch of times. She always forgot her key. Duncan uses the key to open the door.
INT - MANNING RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
They climb the stairs and enter Meg's room.
VERONICA: Yeah, this isn't weird at all. Duncan picks up a stuffed monkey thrown carelessly on Meg's bed.
VERONICA: Um, I'm gonna start with the closet, do you want to start with the dresser? Duncan rests the monkey on the pillows.
DUNCAN: Actually, bet I know where it is. Duncan goes to the air vent.
VERONICA: Giving away Lilly's trade secrets? He opens the vent.
DUNCAN: I think she got it from Logan. I, of course, pass it off as my own. Duncan hands a journal book to Veronica. Veronica opens the book. It is filled with the same line written over and over.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: "The path to God is paved with righteousness."
VERONICA: People suck.
Veronica lies the book on the bed and gets out the samples of writing she has. Duncan pulls an envelope out of the vent. He glances back to check that Veronica is occupied and slips it into his pocket. He checks again that she hasn't seen before replacing the vent. He rejoins Veronica who has laid out all the samples. None of them match the writing in the journal.
VERONICA: This is so neat and perfect and...Rodney's is the neatest of the samples and it still doesn't even come close. Veronica picks up the journal to look at it more closely.
DUNCAN: What?
VERONICA: This isn't little boy's writing.
Veronica looks up at a frame on Meg's bedside table. The frame has a title, "Sisters are forever" and three pictures, one of Meg, one of Lizzie and one of the little girl that was at the hospital in 204 Green-Eyed Monster.
DUNCAN: It has to be. Meg said... Veronica picks up the picture.
VERONICA: What if...she was covering? She holds it up for Duncan. Veronica replaces the picture, picks up all the samples and exits the room. Duncan follows her into the hallway. Across from Meg's room is another room with "Grace" spelled out in large letters set vertically on the door. They go in. Veronica goes to the closet. As Duncan watches, Veronica finds a stack of journals. She checks a couple. They are all the same, filled with writing the same lines over and over. Veronica turns a distressed face towards Duncan.
DUNCAN: I can't believe this. There is a thump from within the closet.
VERONICA: Shh-shh-shh! Veronica listens for a second and then pushes back the clothes to disclose a sliding door in the back of the closet. A simple hook lock is in place. Veronica undoes it and slides open the door. Grace, the little girl, is sat in the small space between the back of the closet and the outside wall of the house into which a large ventilation fan is set.
VERONICA: Grace? The child looks terrified.
VERONICA: It's okay. It's okay, Grace.
GRACE: They can tell if the door was open, they're not going to believe me!
VERONICA: We're going to get you out of here, okay?
GRACE: Daddy said I'm not ready.
DUNCAN: Grace. You remember me, right?
VERONICA: It's Duncan, Meg's friend, remember?
GRACE: I don't wanna be tested, Daddy said I'm not ready.
Grace is shivering and has large black circles under her eyes. Veronica moves to give way to Duncan who bends down to her. Veronica punches a number into her cell as Duncan holds out his hand.
DUNCAN: Hey, it's okay. Suddenly the light is switched on. Veronica gasps and turns and Duncan races over to stand between her and the person who turned on the light. It is Mr Manning. He is holding a baseball bat high over his head. He doesn't take his eyes off the intruders.
MR MANNING: Grace, can you come out please? Grace, sweetheart.
GRACE: Yes, Daddy?
Grace finally moves.
MR MANNING: Go downstairs, please.
GRACE: Yes, Daddy.
MR MANNING: Your mother's in the kitchen.
Grace leaves the room.
MR MANNING: Get down on the floor. Get down on the floor!
DUNCAN: Why don't you just let us-
MR MANNING: GET ON THE FLOOR!
Duncan and Veronica kneel on the floor. Mrs Manning races into the room.
MRS MANNING: Honey?
MR MANNING: Call the sheriff.
Cut to later. Lamb arrives at the door to the room. Mr Manning is still standing in the same place, bat in hand.
MR MANNING: I came home from church and found them in my daughter's room, rifling through her things. Veronica, indignant, rises to her feet. As Veronica starts to talk, Mr Manning talks over her.
VERONICA: We were trying to help Grace!
MR MANNING: Shut up.
VERONICA: They've been abusing her. They had her locked in the closet!
MR MANNING: Shut your evil little mouth.
VERONICA: Go! Go look!
MR MANNING: Nobody believes a word you say, you filthy, lying whore!
VERONICA: Look in the closet, look at the books they make her write!
Mr Manning takes a step towards Veronica. Lamb puts his hand on Mr Manning's chest to stop him.
LAMB: Hey, enough, okay? Stop it! Up. Get up. Lamb walks over to them as Duncan stands. Lamb puts handcuffs on Veronica.
VERONICA: [quietly] There's a small room inside the closet. They had her locked in. Move the clothes. Lamb doesn't respond. He handcuffs Duncan. Veronica gestures at the closet but Lamb just stands aside. With a huff, Veronica passes him to exit. Eerie music starts up. Music: Run by Air. Duncan follows Veronica and Lamb follows them both out of the room.
LAMB: I'll be back for a statement.
EXT - MANNING RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Lamb opens the back door of his vehicle. Duncan gets in first, and then Veronica, Lamb holding her head to avoid it knocking on the edge of the car. The song's lyrics start.
LYRICS: Holy girl Don't get up For running Stay with me I feel sad When you run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run Stay like this On the hills Of my chest Don't wake up I feel strange When you go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go Stop the night Hold me tight Holy girl Don't stand up I feel strange When you run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run
INT - MANNING RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Mr Manning is still in Grace's room, sitting on her bed as Lamb re-enters. As he talks, he doesn't initially notice Lamb go straight to Grace's closet.
MR MANNING: I want them prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I'm not sure if they got anything or not, but even if they... He notices and stands.
MR MANNING: What are you doing? You can't do that. Lamb pushes the clothes aside and slides open the door.
MR MANNING: I'm the victim here! You have no right to just come into my house and start poking around. Lamb looks at the cavity and then back at Mr Manning. He walks towards him, pausing in front of the indignant homeowner.
LAMB: It's funny. I heard my father give that exact speech once. Lamb stares at Mr Manning for a moment and then leaves. Mr Manning gazes after him, looking concerned.
EXT - MANNING RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Lamb gets into the car. Duncan glances down at Veronica as the car starts.
EXT - STREET - NIGHT.
Lamb drives around the corner and pulls up in the street. Veronica and Duncan look confused. Lamb gets out of the car and walks around to the other side as Duncan and Veronica twist their heads to follow his progress. Lamb opens the back door
LAMB: Out. Let's go. Veronica and Duncan get out of the car. Lamb takes off the handcuffs. Veronica looks up at him but he is not responsive. He shuts the back door and walks around the front of the car, getting in and driving away. They watch.
INT - MANNING RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
The adult Mannings are in their kitchen. Manning picks up a newspaper but notices something outside. He walks to the window. Lamb is parked outside the house. End. | Plan: A: Duncan; Q: Who learns that Meg had been babysitting an abused child? A: Meg's emails; Q: Where did Duncan learn that Meg had been babysitting an abused child? A: a series; Q: How many babysitting jobs does Veronica take on to help Duncan find the victim? A: Logan; Q: Who asks Veronica to prove that Felix's murderer is lying? A: Dr. Tom Griffith; Q: Who was the witness to Felix's murder? A: Woody; Q: Who wins the election and is named the Balboa County Supervisor? A: Keith; Q: Who does Woody promise to make the Chief of Police? A: the gap; Q: What would Woody's plan to incorporate the wealthy part of Neptune widen between the rich and the poor? Summary: When Duncan learns from Meg's emails that she had been babysitting an abused child, Veronica takes on a series of babysitting jobs to help Duncan try to find the victim. Logan asks Veronica to prove that the witness to Felix's murder, Dr. Tom Griffith, is lying and that he was not on the bridge the night of the killing. Woody wins the election and is named the Balboa County Supervisor. He tells Keith of his plan to incorporate the wealthy part of Neptune, which would widen the gap between the rich and the poor. Woody promises Keith that if his plan for incorporation passes, he will make Keith the Chief of Police. |
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]
Cue Sound: MACHINE ENGINE STARTING
[EXT. SANDSTONE COMMUNITY -- DEVELOPMENT SITE -- DAY]
(Camera pans past a large sign:
SANDSTONE
THE AMERICAN DREAM
FROM $399,000
(A large construction machine moves along the cleared land. From the command office, the foreman walks out of the trailer with a cordless phone in his hand. He's not pleased.)
(He heads over to the man driving the bulldozer.)
Foreman: Joe! Joe!
(He waves his arms high in the air trying to attract Joe's attention, but the machines are just too loud. He continues to head toward Joe.)
Foreman: Joe! Hey, Joe!
(The machines continue to drown out his voice. The foreman walks closer to the work area.)
Foreman: (shouts) Joe! Phone! Phone! I'm not your damn secretary and your wife's not my boss! (to phone) You hear that, Cheryl? This is a company phone.
(Joe continues to work.)
Cheryl: (from phone) I don't care! I want to talk to Joe!
(At the sound of her voice, the foreman pulls the phone away from his ear and looks away. Suddenly, his face turns grim as he sees something in the ground in front of him.)
(Cut to: A pair of a woman's legs half buried in the ground, her high-heeled shoes still on her feet.)
WHITE FLASH TO:
[EXT. SANDSTONE COMMUNITY -- DEVELOPMENT SITE -- DAY]
(Nick looks around the area where the body is. He's wearing a bandana over his nose and mouth to keep from breathing in the dry dirt. The dirt around the body is marked by little yellow flags.)
(In the back, Catherine walks with the foreman toward the site.)
Foreman: If this is an Indian burial ground, I'm totally screwed. I'll be in litigation for months.
Catherine: I can't make any promises, sir, but I don't think the Paiute wore heels.
(They reach the site. The officer stops the foreman. Catherine passes Nick, who is busy filling up the marker with paint, and heads over to Warrick, who is examining the body.)
Officer: Sorry, sir. You can't go in there.
Catherine: Hey! What's it look like?
(Warrick looks at the partially buried legs.)
Warrick: Well ... the body's been cased in something. It's black. It's flexible ... but it's pretty stubborn.
(He pokes at the black stuff with his finger.)
Warrick: I think it's roofing tar. It keeps the smell and the animals away.
Catherine: It makes our job a lot harder.
Nick: We've got disturbed soil in a three-by-five perimeter.
Catherine: Okay. (to the drivers) Gentlemen! Start your shovels!
(The drivers of the machines start their engines and dig around the body.)
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
(The machines dig a hole around the body encased in tar. Nick works on excavating the body.)
(As he works, Catherine and Warrick discuss the body off screen.)
Catherine: (o.s.) Do you think our Jane Doe was buried alive?
Warrick: (o.s.) I don't' know. She wasn't just covered, she was completely encased. Whoever buried her sure had access to a lot of tar. I'm thinking a construction worker.
Catherine: Nick, did you get that last soil sample?
(Nick brushes away the dirt from under the body and finds a skeletal foot.)
Nick: Yeah, but I think I got something else too.
(Nick pulls his bandana away from his mouth.)
Nick: Hey, guys. Check this out.
(Catherine and Warrick walk toward Nick.)
Nick: A third foot. (sighs) Looks like we have another body at the bottom.
(Camera zooms in through the skeletal foot through all that decay and ends up inside where the skull is focusing on the yellow teeth.)
(End of camera zoom. Resume to present.)
Catherine: I don't know if she was buried alive, but ... she wasn't buried alone.
(Catherine raises the camera, looks through the lens and snaps a photo.)
FLASH TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(The large block of tar and rock containing the two bodies now rests on an examining table in the middle of the autopsy bay. David Phillips and the other coroners wheel in the large x-ray equipment.)
(Quick flash to an x-ray image of a skeletal chest is burned onto film.)
(David Phillips adjusts the x-ray equipment, pulling it up to the middle of the block.)
(Quick flash of an x-ray image of a skull as it's burned onto film.)
(David Phillips adjusts the x-ray equipment, pushing it down the block.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(The x-ray images of the two bodies in the tar block are out on the table. Doc Robbins goes over the images with Catherine.)
Robbins: Two sets of hands. Two sets of feet. Two skulls, two bodies. Both appear to be female. Jane Doe bottom's curled up. Jane Doe top's laid out flat.
(Catherine points to the wire across the skull's teeth.)
Catherine: This looks like ... barbed wire.
Robbins: It's in her mouth. Could be a dental appliance.
Catherine: Or maybe some kind of torture device.
Robbins: You're thinking ritualistic?
Catherine: Oh, I don't know what I'm thinking.
(Suddenly, Grissom appears in the doorway, his face alight with eagerness.)
Grissom: (interrupts) Hey! They told me you dug up two bodies covered in tar?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(The block of tar. The camera slowly pulls away from the block of tar. We find Catherine and Grissom standing over it trying to figure out how to get to the evidence inside.)
Grissom: So. How you going to separate them?
Catherine: I'm not sure yet. Obviously I can't saw through without potentially destroying evidence, so ... if the tar were harder, I could chisel it. If it were softer, we could peel it off.
(Grissom smiles knowingly.)
Grissom: I have an idea.
Catherine: Of course you do, but last I checked, the backlog on grave was about ... mmm ... a hundred cases?
Grissom: You've been spending too much time with Ecklie. I'm off the clock. I came in early for this.
(Camera refocuses on the pair of shoes sticking out of the tar block.)
(Cut to: Catherine uses a drill and bores a hole into the tar block. Grissom places a funnel into the holes that Catherine drilled. They line up down the middle of the tar block.)
Catherine: You ever done this before?
Grissom: Nope ... but I do know that tar becomes as brittle as glass at about minus two hundred degrees.
(Cut to: They fill a canister up with liquid nitrogen. Grissom pours the liquid into the funnels. He fills up three funnels. On the fourth funnel ...
(Quick CGI POV: Camera zooms down into the funnel following the liquid into the tar block. The liquid nitrogen freezes the tar.)
(End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
(Grissom uses a hammer and hand axe and taps the block down the middle following the line of funnels.)
Catherine: Okay, Mr. Wizard.
(Grissom hits the hammer hard and the block breaks neatly into two pieces.)
(Catherine's impressed.)
(Cut to: Both Catherine and Grissom work on one of the blocks, using hand canisters to spray liquid nitrogen, and chip away at the pieces of tar to get to the body inside.)
(Cut to: They continue working on the block, exposing more and more of the body inside.)
Catherine: Not much left of her but the clothes.
Grissom: Well, let's see what our other one looks like, shall we?
(They move over to the second tar block and start working on that. They spray and chip at the block. Grissom gets a piece of tar loose and lifts it up. He peels the tar piece off. The skull inside collapses and crumbles.)
(Grissom stares at the broken skull. He turns and looks at Catherine.)
Grissom: Huh.
(Catherine clears her throat.)
(Grissom glances down at his watch.)
Grissom: Oh, boy. I gotta get my shift started. Good luck with the case.
Catherine: No, no, no. You're not going to just destroy this skull and split.
Grissom: You can make a nice mold from the impression.
Catherine: I'm short-handed as it is.
(Grissom takes his glasses off.)
Grissom: I think Sara just wrapped a case. If you need her, she's yours.
(He turns and makes his escape, leaving Catherine exasperated.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM]
(Greg is standing in front of his mirror in a suit and tie. He's straightening his hair trying to get it to stay down.)
(Sara walks into the locker room. She sees Greg and stops.)
Sara: Wow. Look at you, Mr. Straightedge. I did not know that your hair could do that.
Greg: I look like a dork.
Sara: No, no. No, you look like a pro, which is what you are. Let me guess - a prelim for Sherlock?
Greg: Yep.
(Sara puts her bag in the locker. She takes her jacket off.)
Sara: Uh-huh. Who's your judge?
Greg: Uh ... Dudley ... Anderson?
(Sara grimaces.)
Sara: Yeah. Well, not the sharpest tool in the shed.
(She hangs up her jacket and turns to give Greg some advice.)
Sara: (clears her throat) Speak slowly. Use simple terms. You're gonna nail it.
(Catherine pokes her head in the doorway.)
Catherine: Sara. You're mine tonight.
(Catherine leaves as Sara turns around.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(David Phillips examines the remains. He touches the skull and lifts up the arm. He takes a swab of some of the bloodstains on the victim's clothing. He tests it. It turns pink.)
INTERCUT WITH:
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Sara sprays the inside of the piece of tar covering the victim's face as she prepares to reconstruct the victim's face. She mixes the molding and pours it into the tar piece.)
(Nick examines the victim's clothing and checks the clothing label.)
(Meanwhile, David Phillips takes out the bone pieces that he's been boiling. He adds more bone pieces to put back into the pot. He removes the wire mouthpiece from the batch and sets it aside.)
(Sara removes the mold from the tar piece. She flips it over and looks at the mold of the woman's face.)
(Later back at the forensics lab, Doc Robbins is fitting the pieces of the broken skull back into place. The cleaned skull is set on a stand. He turns the skull around to examine the back.)
(Sara has the victim's mask on a stand as she paints the face in a flesh-colored tone. She continues to work.)
(Various dissolves as she finishes.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Sara finishes the face and places it on the table, face away from her.)
Sara: Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Jane Doe Top.
(Catherine, Warrick and Nick are standing in the doorway.)
Catherine: My God.
Warrick: Nice job.
Sara: Thanks.
(They walk in and take a seat at the table. Catherine sits next to Sara)
Catherine: Thank you, Sara.
(Catherine turns the mold of the victim's face toward her.)
Catherine: Well, Doc Robbins told me that she had severe trauma to the skull, probably what killed her.
Warrick: Well, that would explain the blood David found on her shirt. Mia's running DNA right now to find out if it matches the victim, or any suspects, for that matter.
Nick: Remember, now, she had a broken jaw. That was 26-gauge stainless steel. It's used to surgically wire jawbones shut.
(Sara looks at the photos of the victim's hands.)
Sara: What's with the fingers?
Catherine: Distal phalanges were cut off. Both vics, both hands. I cast tool marks, looks like some kind of opposed blade tool. Jagged on one side, smooth on the other.
Nick: Well, if it was pre-mortem, that would support torture.
Warrick: Yeah, but if it was post, they probably did it to conceal identity.
(David Hodges enters the room.)
Hodges: Hey, you guys still working on that mass-grave theory?
Catherine: Yeah.
Hodges: You know what I like about flesh decomposing in soil? It's predictable.
(Quick CGI POV to: The body in the tar block decomposes. In fast motion, the rotting flesh off the skull slides off, revealing the muscle under it. The muscle rots, slides off the skull and dries up.)
Hodges: (V.O.) The constituent elements diffuse into the ground over time.
(Camera swings over to the soil underneath, showing the liquid flesh dripping off the bones and seeping into the soil under the corpse.)
(End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
Hodges: The longer they're there, the lower the concentrations. I tested the soil samples Nick took from around each body. Curly Sue was on the bottom for at least five years, and Flat Sally was on top for only two.
(Hodges turns and leaves the lab.)
Catherine: So we've got a killer who digs a grave, dumps a body, covers it with tar, comes back three years later, digs again and dumps another one on top of it?
(Sara looks at the photos.)
Sara: Ten to one, it's domestic abuse. Beat up, then shut up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
Nurse: (V.O.) You hitting every E.R. in town?
Sara: (V.O.) Seems like it.
[INT. DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL - FILE ROOM - NIGHT]
(The nurse carries in a file box. She walks over to Sara who is sitting behind a desk.)
Nurse: These are all the jaw fractures that came in from two to three years ago.
Sara: Thank you.
(The nurse opens the file box.)
Nurse: We don't get as many of these as we used to.
Sara: Domestic violence laws have forced men to get smarter about their hitting.
(The nurse leaves. Sara opens the first file folder and looks at the photo inside of a blonde-haired woman with bruises on her face.)
(She opens a second file folder and compares the battered woman's photo to the photo of the mold of the victim's face. No match. She sets the file folder aside and continues.)
(In the voice over background noises, we hear the muffled sounds of a man and a woman yelling.)
(Flash to: Sara rubs the back of her neck as she goes through the file folder. Another flash and we get a close up of Sara nervously twitching her thumb. She closes the file folder and sets it aside.)
(Various flashes of: Sara continues to go through the file folders, viewing photos of battered women and comparing it to the photo of her Jane Doe Top.)
(Finally, she finds a photo that matches her mold.)
(She looks at the Admission Record:
DESERT PALMS HOSPITAL
ADMISSION RECORD
PATIENT'S NAME: MELTON, SVETLANA
PERMANENT ADDRESS: -9 RIVERSIDE LANE, LAS VEGAS
PRIOR HOSPITALIZATION: N/A
OBSERVATIONS - PATIENT APPEARS TO -
DOMESTIC ABUSE
CONDITION OF ADMISSION
TEMPERATURE: 99
PULSE: 86
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - RECEPTION / INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT]
(Catherine opens the door. Andrew Melton arrives with his very young wife, June.)
Andrew Melton: (to June) Why don't you, uh, you wait for me here, okay?
(June turns around and obediently sits down in the hallway chair. Andrew Melton enters the interview room.)
Catherine: Mr. Melton, take a seat.
(Catherine closes the door behind him. Andrew Melton sits at the table. Sara glares at him.)
Andrew Melton: I married, uh, June about a year after Svetlana left.
Catherine: And when was the last time that you saw Svetlana?
Andrew Melton: It was about two years ago. She didn't come home one night. Next thing I know, the cops are knocking down my door. I thought something happened to her, but they were there to arrest me. For hitting her.
Sara: Are you saying that you didn't?
Andrew Melton: We were married for three years. I never hit her.
Sara: Why would she lie?
Andrew Melton: I don't know.
(Catherine watches Sara. She turns back to Andrew Melton.)
Catherine: And then what happened?
Andrew Melton: After that, I ... I was done. I went looking for her to sign the divorce papers, but ... it was like she fell off the face of the earth.
Sara: Or got buried a few feet under it.
(Catherine turns to Sara, surprised by what she's saying.)
Andrew Melton: Look, I took out ads in the newspaper every day for a month. She never responded.
Catherine: Yet you didn't file a missing persons report.
Andrew Melton: I'd been accused of abuse. How would that have looked?
Sara: You seem to care a lot about the way things look, Mr. Melton.
(He looks at Sara. Sara glares back.)
Catherine: Well, we're gonna need a list of Svetlana's friends and family.
Andrew Melton: She didn't have any.
Sara: She spawned from nothingness?
Andrew Melton: Her parents died in some kind of industrial accident in Odessa.
Catherine: Russia?
Andrew Melton: Yeah.
Catherine: How did the two of you meet?
Andrew Melton: Through an agency.
Sara: Svetlana was a mail-order bride?
Andrew Melton: We were introduced through an agency.
Sara: So what happened, the Russian agency denied your application for another wife, or, uh, you lost your taste for white meat? Too tough?
(Catherine's eyes widen and jaw drops. Andrew Melton gets angry. Catherine puts a hand to her forehead as the entire interview falls apart.)
Andrew Melton: You know what, lady? I am not gonna feel bad about my decision. I dated American women, like you. They don't want to be anyone's wife, or mother - (Sara turns and looks at Catherine. Catherine looks back.) -- you mention the word "domestic," they're done with you. It's nice to be needed ... (Andrew Melton turns and looks back at June, who is sitting obediently out in the hallway. He turns and looks at Catherine.) ... not resented.
Sara: Yeah, I find isolation and dependency really sexy, too.
Andrew Melton: (sighs) You know, what, you can think whatever you want.
(Andrew Melton gets up and heads for the door. He leaves. June stands up as he steps out into the hallway. With a last glance at the interview room, he leaves.)
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(Catherine and Sara walk down the hallway.)
Sara: Look, all I am asking is to have a black-and-white do regular welfare checks.
Catherine: Did the wife ask for help?
Sara: Well, that's kind of hard to do when you don't speak English and you're a s*x slave. I'm sure she doesn't know her rights.
Catherine: (sighs) You can't arrest someone for marrying the wrong person.
Sara: You would know.
(Catherine lets that one slide.)
Catherine: If the guy's an abuser, if he killed his first wife, we will build a case and we will nail him.
Sara: And in the meantime, he can just keep using her as a punching bag.
Catherine: Sara, I was there -- there wasn't a mark on her.
Sara: Not that we could see, Catherine.
(They stop walking. In the back of the hallway, Conrad Ecklie steps out of the lab and sees Catherine and Sara.)
Catherine: You know ... every time we get a case with a hint of domestic violence or abuse, you go off the deep end. What is your problem?
Sara: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.
Conrad Ecklie: Sidle.
(Sara turns and looks at Ecklie.)
Conrad Ecklie: Get in my office. Now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - ECKLIE'S OFFICE -- NIGHT]
(The office door opens. Ecklie and Sara step inside.)
Conrad Ecklie: You are a law enforcement officer and a representative of this city. That means I expect you to conduct yourself in an appropriate manner, in and away from this lab.
(Ecklie walks around the desk and sits down.)
Sara: You know what, if this is gonna be one of your "for the good of the lab" speeches, don't bother. I've heard them.
Conrad Ecklie: Just take a seat.
(Sara remains standing.)
(Ecklie opens his desk drawer and takes out a file folder.)
Conrad Ecklie: Willows is a supervisor -- that means you treat her with respect. Insulting her in front of coworkers ...
Sara: She's not my supervisor.
Conrad Ecklie: All right-- your superior. Sara, you berate witnesses, you disrespect the people you work with, you luck your way out of a DUI. Take a look -- you got a half a dozen complaints in your jacket. (He tosses the file folder on the desk in front of her.) And if Grissom really documented your performance, there'd probably be a dozen more-- that's not the kind of person I want in my lab.
Sara: The only reason this is your lab is because Grissom doesn't kiss ass. You couldn't hack it in the field, so you fail your way up, you break up our team, and now you just hang out in the hallways waiting for one of us to screw up.
Conrad Ecklie: Sidle, you're on one-week suspension without pay, ...
Sara: (mutters) Great.
Conrad Ecklie: ... and when you get back, you're apologizing to Catherine.
Sara: (shakes her head) No, I'm not.
(Sara turns and leaves the office.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Catherine walks into the lab where Warrick is working. He looks up as she sighs.)
Warrick: What's going on around here?
Catherine: I don't want to talk about it. Okay, so, this is the jacket that Svetlana was wearing the night that she went into the hospital?
Warrick: Yeah. I pulled it out of the vault from the original abuse charge two years ago. Most of the blood is Svetlana's, although there is a small portion that comes from an unknown male.
Catherine: So I'll see if the husband's willing to give us a comparison.
Warrick: Don't bother, he already voluntarily gave a sample the night that this happened, and it's not a match.
Catherine: So he was telling the truth?
Warrick: (shrugs) Eh ...
(Warrick picks up a "Lacey's Pocket Dictionary".)
Warrick: I did find this ... in her pocket.
(Hidden inside the pages of the dictionary is a set of camera booth photos of Svetlana and a young dark-haired man.)
Warrick: Is that the husband?
Catherine: Nyet.
Warrick: Well, they're looking pretty friendly here. And you could write some teen poetry from the words that are highlighted in this dictionary.
Catherine: Well, maybe Andrew found out that Svetlana wasn't as lonely as he thought she was.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(Catherine is walking through the hallway when Greg catches up with her.)
Greg: Catherine, I heard Ecklie suspended Sara. What can we do?
Catherine: Nothing.
Greg: No?
Catherine: Mm-mm.
Greg: Sara's always been there for anyone who needs her. She's always had my back. So what if she flew off the handle a little?
Catherine: Greg, she crossed the line with a suspect; she was inappropriate with me and with Ecklie; she needs the time off.
(Catherine walks away from Greg, leaving him stunned in the hallway.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]
(A set of clothes are set out on the table. Warrick and Nick stand near the table.)
Warrick: A lot of blood on that blouse.
Nick: Yeah, well, her wounds don't just trickle, man, they-they gush.
Warrick: Were you able to get anything off these jeans?
(Nick picks up a slip of paper from the table.)
Nick: Uh, found this paper. It was found in the pocket. Decomp trashed it, though.
Warrick: That reminds me of the time I as at the Ghost Bar, and I ran into this hottie. I mean, the girl was an absolute dime. And I didn't have my phone on me, so I wrote her number down on paper, and put it in my pants. The jeans ended up in the wash.
Nick: Ouch.
Warrick: Yeah. But ...
(Warrick checks the inside lining of the pants pocket.)
Warrick: Yeah.
(He chuckles as he finds the ink smudge inside the lining.)
Nick: Fatty acids dissolve the ink, and it leeches onto the pocket lining.
Warrick: Yeah.
Nick: Huh. That must've been a pretty hot number you had there, boss.
Warrick: Yeah, it was.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - Q.D. LAB - DAY]
(Ronnie Litre processes the writing on the pocket lining for Nick.)
Ronnie Litre: All right, first we mirror it, and then we remove the background texture of the cotton weave.
Nick: Sharpen the contrast, will you?
(Nick reads the writing.)
Nick: "Madame ... Matryoshka's. Tuesday ... Eight? G A.M."? Some kind of appointment. "G A.M."?
Ronnie Litre: Do you know what "matryoshka" are?
Nick: (nods) Sure.
Ronnie Litre: (laughs) Russian nesting dolls.
Nick: Oh, yeah, yeah, the dolls that look alike, that fit inside of each other, right?
Ronnie Litre: My grandma had a set. Anyway, people who've gone from writing cyrillic to English often write their nines as lowercase g's.
(Nick nods.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. MADAME MATRYOSHKA'S (BEAUTY SHOP) - LOBBY -- DAY]
(Brass and Nick walk into the beauty shop. They walk up to the reception counter. Brass clears his throat.)
Vlad: You have appointment for haircut?
Brass: Nah, I'm trying to get a rastafarian thing going. (Vlad looks at them.) Is there an actual Madame Matryoshka?
Vlad: (in Russian) (untranslated)
Brass: We're polizia. Yeah.
(Brass and Nick walk around the counter. A tall woman walks up to them.)
Chloe Daniels: Chloe Daniels. What can I do for you?
Brass: I'm Detective Jim Brass, Las Vegas Police. This is Nick Stokes from the Crime Lab. We're here about Svetlana Melton.
Chloe Daniels: Yeah, she used to work here.
Brass: In what capacity?
Chloe Daniels: Hairdresser.
Nick: You mean wife-to-be.
Chloe Daniels: Yeah.
Nick: For money?
Chloe Daniels: Yeah.
Nick: Sounds a lot like prostitution to me.
Chloe Daniels: Yeah, well, it's not.
(Nick walks past her and starts looking around the back. Chloe turns her attention back to Brass.)
Chloe Daniels: Look, I didn't invent this. Go on line -- there are dozens of sites with thousands of women. They advertise these exciting trips to Kiev. I just bring Kiev to you. I sponsor 90-day work VISAs, teach the girls a trade. They cut hair for men.
Brass: So men shop for a wife. You screen the guys?
Chloe Daniels: You pick up a woman at a bar, does the bartender screen you? You take her home, take her to your bed. How well did you screen her?
Brass: You should be sainted.
Nick: Mm, I don't know about that. Svetlana ended up dead.
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
[INT. MADAME MATRYOSHKA'S (BEAUTY SHOP) - CHLOE'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(Chloe Daniels sits behind her desk. Brass and Nick sit across her. Brass shows her the camera booth photos found in Svetlana's pocket dictionary.)
Brass: You recognize this guy?
Chloe Daniels: Yeah. Ken Wellstone. Lives down the street. Actually comes in for haircuts. Isn't interested in my service. Not the marrying kind, I guess.
Nick: Yeah, I-I'm sorry, there seems to be a really fine line here between, uh ... peddling marriage and peddling flesh.
Chloe Daniels: When is marriage anything else?
Brass: Nick is, uh ... he's an old-fashioned guy.
Chloe Daniels: Really? (laughs) Well, what do you think engagement rings are? Just proof that a man can pay for his bride. Look, caveman would go steal a woman from a neighboring clan. He'd tie her hands and her feet till she wouldn't run away. Once she'd stay put, he would only tie her finger, just to remind her.
Brass: So you're a romantic.
Chloe Daniels: Marriage is not romance. It's a contract with the state. It's an investment in your future.
(Nick looks around the office at the framed photos of happy couples.)
Chloe Daniels: I'm not making it about money, it just is.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. WELLSTONE RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY]
(Brass and Nick interview Ken Wellstone.)
Ken Wellstone: Uh, she cut my hair.
Brass: She licked your cone.
(Brass holds out the camera booth photos. Ken Wellstone looks at them.)
Ken Wellstone: Well, I-I took Svetlana out once for. For ice cream. It was ... it was a hot day.
Nick: That's it?
Ken Wellstone: Yeah, that's it. She, uh, gave me some sob story about how she was married to some abusive guy, you know, and how, uh ... she begged me to help, and ... blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't ... I don't need that kind of drama. I don't.
Brass: Mr. Wellstone, what do you do for a living?
Ken Wellstone: I'm a real estate agent.
Brass: You're not in construction or anything?
Ken Wellstone: No. Why? (Suddenly it dawns on him that they must be there for a reason.) Something happen to Svetlana?
Nick: Yeah, she was murdered.
(Ken is stunned momentarily silent.)
Ken Wellstone: Oh.
Nick: We're gonna need to get a DNA sample from you, and I'm gonna take a look around your place. Is that cool?
Ken Wellstone: Sure. Yeah, go ahead.
[SCENE_BREAK]
VARIOUS CUTS OF:
(Nick walks into the darkened room carrying an ALS. He swings the light around as she walks into the room.)
(Nick pulls away the bed cover and looks at the bed sheet under the ALS.)
(Nick looks under the dining room table. He turns the ALS off. He shines his flashlight on the carpet and sees some discoloration. He cuts a swatch of the carpet off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SARA'S RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(Sara is sitting at her desk, a beer bottle in her hand, when someone knocks on the door. Using the remote, she turns the stereo off. The background music stops. She stands up and answers the door.)
(She opens the door and finds Grissom standing outside her front door. She sighs.)
Sara: Well, if you're here, it can't be good.
Grissom: Can I come in?
(She steps back to let Grissom in. She lifts her beer bottle at him.)
Sara: Want to ask me if I'm drunk?
Grissom: We both know that's not your problem.
(He steps into the room. Sara closes the door. Grissom turns around.)
Grissom: I spoke to Catherine.
Sara: (nods) Ecklie?
Grissom: He wants me to fire you.
Sara: I figured.
(She sighs.)
Sara: Can I get you anything?
Grissom: Sure. An explanation.
Sara: I ... lost my temper.
(Sara walks around the room and stops in front of the chair near her desk.)
Grissom: That seems to be happening quite a bit. Do you know why?
Sara: What difference does it make? I'm still fired.
Grissom: It makes a difference to me.
(Standing a room apart, Sara takes her best shot at giving him an explanation.)
Sara: I have a problem with authority. I choose men who are emotionally unavailable. I'm self-destructive. All of the above.
Grissom: "Have you ever gone a week without a rationalization?"
(Sara takes a breath, but before she can say anything, Grissom explains.)
Grissom: It's from the "Big Chill". One of the characters explaining a basic fact of life -- that rationalizations are more important to us than s*x even.
(Sara sits down.)
Sara: I am not rationalizing anything. I crossed the line with Catherine, and I was insubordinate to Ecklie.
Grissom: Why?
Sara: (shakes her head) Leave it alone.
Grissom: No, Sara.
Sara: What do you want from me?
Grissom: I want to know why you're so angry.
(Sara stares at Grissom.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SARA'S APARTMENT - DAY]
(Sara and Grissom sit facing each other. The light from the setting sun filters through the darkening room.)
Sara: It's funny ... the things that you remember and the things that you don't, you know. There was a smell of iron in the air. Cast-off on the bedroom wall. There was this young cop puking his guts. I remember the woman who took me to foster care. I can't remember her name. Which is strange, you know, 'cause I couldn't let go of her hand.
Grissom: Well ... the mind has its filters.
Sara: I do remember the looks. I became the girl whose father was stabbed to death. Do you think there's a murder gene?
Grissom: I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behavior.
Sara: You wouldn't know that in my house. The fights, the yelling, the trips to the hospital. I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When my mother killed my father, I found out that it wasn't.
(Sara starts to cry. Grissom reaches out and holds her hand.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- NIGHT]
(Hodges works on processing the black spot found on Ken Wellstone's carpet. He also takes a bit of the tar from the tar block.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT]
(Brass interviews Ken Wellstone. Brass shows Ken Wellstone two photos.)
Brass: So the tar from your carpet matches the tar that Svetlana Melton was buried in.
Ken Wellstone: Tar ... I ... where? I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Brass: We also found your blood on her parka that she wore to the hospital two years ago.
Ken Wellstone: I can explain that. That was from ...
Brass: So can we -- you beat her, you killed her, you buried her.
Ken Wellstone: No, I didn't. No, stop, please. Listen. She ... she ran away.
(Brass looks blankly at Ken. He reaches into his jacket pocket, takes out his wallet, opens the wallet and takes out a folded slip of paper. He opens the paper and reads the note.)
(Brass holds out the file folder.)
Brass: Put that in here.
(Ken drops the open note on the file folder, words-side up.)
Brass: (reads) "Ken, do not look for me. I need to go away. Svetlana."
Ken Wellstone: You know, after everything that we'd been through and everything, this just seemed really, uh ... it was cold. (Brass nods.) Didn't sound like her. She usually called me ... Kenski.
Brass: So what was your relationship, Kenski?
Ken Wellstone: What was my relationship? My relationship was, uh ... we were, uh ... we were in love.
Brass: How did her husband feel about that?
Ken Wellstone: Her husband bought her, so he thought he owned her. And Svetlana was way out of his league. And what she wanted to do was fast track her divorce. So she thought maybe if she made it look like Andrew had beat her, that that would do it, but that didn't do it because he'd actually never hit her. So ...
Brass: How'd she break her jaw?
(Ken suddenly becomes very quiet.)
Brass: Huh?
Ken Wellstone: She begged me.
(Quick flashback to: Svetlana pleads with Ken.)
Svetlana Melton: Please, Kenski. Please. Hit me hard on face. It is only way for me to leave this horrible man. Please, Kenski. Hit me if you love me.
(He leans forward and kisses her.)
(He straightens and punches her in the face.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Ken Wellstone: I just loved her.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(Warrick is spraying the clothes with luminol. As she blood spatter lights up, he places little arrow stickers on the material to show where the blood is located.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]
(Warrick reports his findings to Catherine.)
Warrick: All of the blood on Svetlana's sweatshirt was hers.
Catherine: Nothing from Ken Wellstone?
Warrick: No, but some of the drops look a lot like dried blood, but they came back "aubergine sheen number 315," professional grade hair dye.
Catherine: Well, she worked in a hair salon.
Warrick: Yeah. Some of the patterns look a lot like cast-off.
(Quick flash of: [BEAUTY SHOP] Svetlana fights with her attacker.)
Catherine: (V.O.) Hair dye was present when she was being attacked.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Warrick: Ken still could have done it.
Catherine: True, but his story is so absurd I almost buy it.
Warrick: Yeah, well, admit the punch and you go to jail for a night. Admit the killing and you go to jail for life.
(They both turn and walk into the A/V lab where Nick is.)
[INT. CSI - A/V LAB - CONTINUOUS]
(Nick is going through the various photos of the mail-order brides on the internet at ivanawife[dot]com.)
Warrick: Find anything you like, buddy?
(Nick chuckles.)
Catherine: So, you can't sell your kids, but you can buy their mother.
(He stops at one and reads what the woman wrote.)
Nick: (reads) "I looking for kindest, noble man." Well, I got news for you, sugar pants. Buying women ain't that noble.
Warrick: Well, life is short. Dating's complicated. This makes it much simpler, doesn't it?
Catherine: It's not supposed to be simple. Complicated is the whole point.
Warrick: It is?
Catherine: Yeah.
Nick: Hey, wait a minute. You're not telling me you're into this stuff?
Warrick: Me? No. But you know, for a guy who's over 40, lonely, tired of the bar scene, got a little cash, wants to buy himself a sweet honey, be his companion ...
Nick: He needs a translator, 'cause you're not even speaking the same language.
Warrick: That's the best part.
Catherine: (groans) Ugh ... !
(Catherine turns and leaves. Warrick chuckles.)
Nick: (clueless) Best part of what?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[EXT. BEAUTY SHOP - SIDEWALK - NIGHT]
(Brass, Chloe Daniels, Vlad and some police officers stand outside the beauty shop.)
Chloe Daniels: What's all this about?
Brass: We have reason to believe Svetlana Melton was murdered in your salon. We have a search warrant.
(Brass hands the warrant over to Chloe.)
Chloe Daniels: (sighs) Let them in.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. BEAUTY SHOP - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(Catherine looks around the main area. She stops at the table with an open shears holder. Catherine takes a pair of scissors out of the holder and looks at it.)
Catherine: Jagged on one side, smooth on the other.
(Quick CGI POV of: A fingertip is cut off with the pair of scissors. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
(Nick looks around the area. He picks up the appointment book and looks at it. He puts the book down and snaps a photo of it.)
(Catherine walks up to a station and uses the ALS on the wall.)
Catherine: I got blood spatter next to the hair dye.
(Nick walks over.)
Nick: Svetlana was a tall girl. Spatter looks a little low. Maybe she was sitting.
(Catherine notices the different chairs.)
Catherine: These chairs don't match.
(She reaches out and removes the vinyl from the chair.)
Catherine: I think somebody's hiding something.
(Under it, the back of the chair is smudged.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[INT. CSI - LAB - NIGHT]
(Warrick shows Catherine what he's found.)
Warrick: The stain on the chair was Aubergine Sheen hair dye. DNA from the bloodstains on the walls was too degraded, and Mia could not get a match.
Catherine: So, we know who the blood belongs to. We just can't prove it.
Warrick: I think we can, though. You know some guy was selling a grilled cheese sandwich on ebay for something like $28,000 because he claimed the burn pattern contained the face of the Virgin Mary?
(As he talks, Warrick takes the smudge pattern from the chair and digitally matches it to one of the camera booth photos of Svetlana.)
(He flips the smudge over and matches it perfectly to the photo.)
Warrick: How much you think I can get for the face of Svetlana in hair dye?
(Quick flash of: [BEAUTY SHOP] Someone throws the hair dye at Svetlana. The metal pan hits the floor. The person throws Svetlana against the chair. She hits the chair with her face leaving the smudge behind.)
(End of flash. Resume to present.)
Catherine: Hang on. There's something else.
(Catherine enhances the locket in the photo. She recognizes the locket.)
(Quick flash to: [JUNE] June is wearing a similar locket around her neck. End of flash. Resume to present.)
Catherine: A recycled love token. Now, that's tacky.
Warrick: Yeah, that is pretty tacky.
Catherine: But it's cause for a warrant.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COMMUNITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. MELTON RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY]
(Andrew Melton reads through the warrant. June Melton stands next to him. Brass and the officers wait.)
Brass: Everything in order?
Andrew Melton: I'm not giving you a damn thing until I read every last word.
Brass: Take as long as you want. We're going to be here a while.
(In the kitchen, Catherine looks at the chain and padlock around the refrigerator door.)
Catherine: Do you believe this?
(Warrick notes that all the kitchen cupboards are also padlocked.)
Warrick: What, that the guy locks up his food?
Catherine: Locks his wife out.
Warrick: You think he's trying to protect his investment? Weight goes up. Value goes down.
Catherine: Control her food, control her destiny, I don't know.
Warrick: Look at this.
(Warrick holds up the phone with the cord removed.)
Warrick: She can't even call out for pizza.
Catherine: Or help.
(Andrew Melton finishes reading the warrant. Seeing that he's done, Brass mentions what they're there to collect.)
Brass: The necklace.
(Andrew Melton steps toward June to remove the necklace himself. Brass stops him.)
Brass: No, no, no. No, no. I got it. I got it.
(Brass reaches out and undoes the necklace clasp as Andrew Melton glares jealously at Brass. He swallows hard.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Catherine scans the necklace into the computer, magnifying it and examining it at the same time. She finds some blood on the clasp.)
(She takes a sample and tests it. The paper turns pink.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- OFFICE]
(Catherine meets with Warrick and Nick.)
Catherine: Svetlana's blood was on the necklace worn by Andrew Melton's current child bride.
Warrick: Could you imagine a control freak like him having to spend the night in jail on a phony abuse charge? You know he went looking for her when he got out.
(Quick flash to: Andrew Melton kneels down over Svetlana's dead, bloodied body and removes the necklace.)
Warrick: (V.O.) He beat her, killed her and took back the only thing he valued.
(He puts the necklace in his pocket.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nick: It'll never stand up, Rick. You know how it is, they'll say the blood could've come from anywhere. She could've left the necklace behind.
Warrick: We need a murder weapon.
Catherine: (scoffs) Yeah, well, good luck on that one. Crime's over two years old. (groans) All righty. We know that this guy did it. How do we prove it?
Warrick: Can we prove he buried her?
Nick: I'm not convinced he did. Svetlana was buried in a pre-existing grave. Right on top of another girl's body.
Catherine: And both girls' fingertips were removed by blending shears.
Warrick: Which we also found at the salon.
Catherine: And the only people with full access to the salon are Chloe and Vlad.
Nick: Yeah, and Chloe doesn't really seem like the type that gets her hands dirty.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - Q.D. - NIGHT]
(Ronnie puts two enlarged writing samples - one of "Ken" from the note, and the other of "Kie" from the appointment book - one on top of the other to compare the two. Nick watches.)
Ronnie Litre: All right, the relative size of the letters and the spacing between them appear to be consistent with both Vlad's appointment book and the good-bye note left by Svetlana. My opinion is it's the same writer.
Nick: Well, it looks like the Vladski tricked the Kenski.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT]
(Warrick interviews Vlad. He shows Vlad his credit card statements.)
Warrick: According to your credit card statements, you purchased several buckets of tar two and five years ago ... at a local hardware store. Tell me, what's a receptionist at a hair salon doing with that much tar?
Vlad: In Russia, I work for certain family. When they want body taken care of, I go to oil field, dump body in tar. None ever found.
Warrick: Sounds like fun. (Vlad nods.) Tell me about Svetlana.
Vlad: Girl already dead. Nothing I can do.
Warrick: So you're saying you did not kill her?
Vlad: No.
Warrick: Then why'd you cover it up?
(Quick flash to: [BEAUTY SHOP] Vlad walks into the beauty shop. Svetlana is dead; Andrew Melton kneels over the body retrieving the necklace.)
Vlad: Svetlana, time to lock up.
(Vlad stops when he sees Andrew and Svetlana. Andrew stares at them.)
Warrick: (V.O.) You didn't call 911?
(Cut to: Vlad mops up the blood on the floor.)
Warrick: (V.O.) You cleaned up the scene, buried her, ...
(Cut to: [WELLSTONE RESIDENCE] Vlad walks into the house and leaves the note behind.)
Warrick: (V.O.) ... and then you left a note for Ken.
(As Vlad leaves, he leaves behind a tar stain from under his shoe and onto the carpet.)
(End of flash. Resume to present.)
Vlad: America is land of opportunity. Her death should be a total loss? Andrew Melton is very good tipper.
Warrick: Was Andrew Melton a very good tipper five years ago?
Vlad: (shakes his head) No.
Warrick: Svetlana wasn't buried alone. There was another body in that grave.
Vlad: Many girls want American husband. Sometimes Chloe can't get them a visa. They come anyway ...
(Quick flash to: [AIRPORT BAGGAGE] The people unload the luggage.)
Luggage Handler: (indiscernible)
(They put the suitcase on the side.)
(Cut to: Inside the suitcase, a woman gasps.)
(The workers pile on another heavy suitcase on top of the suitcase with the woman inside.)
(Inside the suitcase, she's being squashed.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Warrick: She came here in a suitcase, but she was dead on arrival, so you take her out to the desert and bury her in a hole?
(Quick flash to: [DESERT] Vlad unzips the suitcase with the dead woman inside.)
(Cut to: The dead woman is curled up in the hole. Vlad pours tar on the body.)
(End of flash. Resume to present.)
Vlad: Again, girl already dead. Nothing I can do.
WHITE FLASH TO:
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT]
(Andrew Melton sits in the interview room.)
FLASH TO:
(Brass sits across from Andrew Melton.)
Brass: Boy, women can really drive you crazy, huh? I mean, this perfect creature who needs you, who loves you. I mean, you think you've got it all worked out. Your Christmas card's gonna look like the Sears catalogue, right? And then what? I mean, you give her stuff. You give her clothes, money and shelter, and, uh, and then she goes and makes up some bogus story about how you attacked her.
Andrew Melton: Which I never did.
Brass: Man ... a love like that. So pure. I mean, men have robbed banks for less, put their life on the line ... would kill to protect it.
Andrew Melton: Everywhere we went, men were making love to her with their eyes, defiling her with their thoughts. It got so bad it wasn't safe to let her leave the house. But then she got lonely. Like a person I didn't recognize.
Brass: You made her an American.
Andrew Melton: In all the good ways ... (beat) ... and the bad.
(Quick flash to: [BEAUTY SHOP] Svetlana is in the shop when Andrew Melton walks in.)
Andrew Melton: Svetlana!
(Svetlana looks at him, scared.)
Andrew Melton: (angry) You told them I hit you?! (Svetlana looks for a way to escape, but doesn't see any. She can't cry out because her mouth is wired shut.) Why would you do that? Huh?
(He rushes toward her, throwing the metal dish of Aubergine Sheen hair dye in her face. He pushes her away from him toward the chair. Svetlana hits the chair with her face, leaving behind the face-shaped smudge.)
(He rushes toward her and starts punching her in the face.)
Andrew Melton: Is that what you want? Huh? You want me to hit you?! That you want?!
(He doesn't stop.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Andrew Melton: She never appreciated me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(Officers escort a handcuffed Andrew Melton through the hallway. Chloe Daniels and June are in the waiting room. June sees them walk past. She rushes toward them.)
June Melton: Andrew, what happens? JUNE MELTON: Andrew?
(Chloe appears behind June.)
Chloe: It'll be okay, honey. It'll all work out. You'll see.
(She hugs June, who sniffs.)
(In the back of the hallway, Brass watches them.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - ECKLIE'S OFFICE]
(Grissom heads for Ecklie's office. Inside the office, Catherine and Ecklie are going over some files.)
Catherine: (to Ecklie) Okay, here's what I wanted to show you. The facts just don't match up.
(Grissom walks up to the table where the two are seated.)
Grissom: You wanted to talk to me about Sara?
Conrad Ecklie: I haven't received her disciplinary action. What's the holdup?
Grissom: Well, I'm not firing her.
Catherine: What action are you taking?
Grissom: I've taken it.
Conrad Ecklie: I thought I was clear.
Grissom: You were. Now let me be clear. Sara's behavior is a direct result of my management.
Conrad Ecklie: So I should fire you.
Grissom: But you won't.
Conrad Ecklie: Look, Gil ... I've been there. We're human. We get attached to people, we try to fix their problems. It doesn't work.
Grissom: She's a great criminalist, Conrad. And I need her.
Conrad Ecklie: I'm sure you do. You know what? (He stands up.) She's a loose cannon with a gun. And she's all yours.
(Grissom watches Ecklie. He shifts his gaze from Ecklie to Catherine, who looks at Grissom.)
(Camera holds on Grissom.)
FADE TO BLACK | Plan: A: two bodies; Q: How many bodies are found covered in tar? A: the CSIs; Q: Who must try to uncover the identities of the bodies? A: the murderer; Q: Who is the CSIs trying to find? A: Sara; Q: Who is reprimanded by Ecklie for improper conduct? Summary: When two bodies covered in tar are found, the CSIs must try to uncover their identities and that of the murderer. Sara is reprimanded by Ecklie for improper conduct. |
-[Real World]-
(At Mary Margaret's apartment, August installs a deadbolt on the front door. Emma and Mary Margaret watch.)
August: No one... Is getting through that.
Emma: Wow. When are you installing the torture chamber?
August: You don't like it? I call it Medieval Chic.
MMB: I don't care what it looks like, as long as it keeps Regina and her skeleton keys out.
Emma: This is pretty handy for a writer. Where'd you learn how to do all this?
August: Wood shop. Eighth grade.
MMB: Oh, speaking of school, have to get going.
Emma; Um, are you sure you're ready to go back?
MMB: After a stint behind bars, how tough can a room full of fourth graders be? Besides, aren't you the one we need to be worried about?
Emma: Me? Why?
August: Well... You did threaten to take Henry away from Regina.
Emma: Oh, that wasn't a threat. I'm hiring Mr. Gold to help build a case against her. She tried to frame you for murder.
MMB: But, you do know what happens if you win?
Emma: Yeah.
MMB: And you're ready? To be his mom?
Emma: Yeah.
(Henry's voice comes through the walkie talkie.)
Henry: Code red. Code red.
(Emma picks it up and responds.)
Emma: Hey, Henry. What's going on?
Henry: Meet me at Granny's. It's an Operation Cobra emergency.
Emma: I'm on my way.
(Emma leaves and starts walking down the main street towards Granny's Diner. August follows her.)
August: Emma, wait up.
Emma: You heard the kid - Operation Cobra calls.
August: I didn't think you believed any of that.
Emma: Oh, I don't. But, sometimes, it's the only way to get through to Henry.
August: You know, a custody battle against Regina isn't going to accomplish anything. You need to look at the big picture. That's the only way you're going to understand what you're up against. That's the only way you'll know how to beat Regina.
Emma: Okay, new guy. How's that?
August: Take the day off. Come with me, and I'll show you.
Emma: And where exactly would we be going on this magical mystery tour?
August: If I told you, you would never come.
(Emma walks on ahead.)
August: Oh, come on. Take a leap of faith. You come with me, and I promise you - you'll find exactly what you're looking for.
Emma: My kid needs me. I don't have time for faith.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Henry is sitting at a booth in the diner. He has a cup of hot chocolate, a plate of food, and his book on the table. Emma enters and sits next to him.)
Emma: Hey. What's the emergency?
Henry: Shh! This is sensitive.
Emma: If it's sensitive, why are we at Granny's, out in the open?
Henry: I'm hungry. Who else knows that we hide the book at the Sheriff's station?
Emma: No one. Why?
Henry: Someone changed it. There's a new story in it.
Emma: Why would someone add a new story?
Henry: To tell something we need to know about the curse.
Emma: And what would that be?
Henry: I don't know. The story isn't finished.
Emma: Why would someone go to so much trouble to add a new story, and then not bother finishing it?
Henry: That's what's weird. The story's about Pinocchio. Everyone knows how that ends.
Emma: Well, maybe that's why it was left out.
Henry: Or, maybe, there's more to it.
Emma: Henry, you are going to be late for school. Let's go.
-[Fairy Tale World]-
(Geppetto and Pinocchio are on a makeshift raft/sailboat in the middle of the ocean. They are in the middle of a violent storm and are being chased by a whale. They are struggling to stay aboard.)
Geppetto: Hold on, my boy!
Pinocchio: I'm trying, father! Faster, father! Faster! He's catching up!
Geppetto: The current! It's too strong! Don't let go!
Pinocchio: What is it?
Geppetto: We must abandon ship. Take this. This is the only one.
(Geppetto hands Pinocchio a life preserver.)
Pinocchio: No, father. I'm made of wood. I'll float. We can both survive.
Geppetto: No. We don't risk.
Pinocchio: Whoa! No, father! You take it! Save yourself!
(The whale approaches the raft, prepared to swallow them. Pinocchio throws himself off the raft and into the water.)
Geppetto: Pinocchio!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Geppetto wakes up on the shore, alone, holding onto the life preserver. The raft has been smashed to pieces and is scattered along the shoreline.)
Geppetto: Pinocchio? Pinocchio? You saved me... Oh, where are you? Oh, where are you?
(He sees Pinocchio a few feet away. However, he is not moving and appears to have turned back into a puppet. Geppetto rushes over and gathers Pinocchio in his arms.)
Geppetto: Oh, no. No....
Geppetto: I wish I could've saved you, my boy.
(The Blue Fairy appears.)
Blue Fairy: We still can.
Geppetto: Please. Save him.
(Pinocchio is consumed by a blue light, then is magically transformed into a human boy by the Blue Fairy.)
Pinocchio: Father?
Geppetto: Pinocchio. Look.
Pinocchio: I'm a... A real boy. I'm a real boy!
Geppetto: Thank you. I don't know how I can ever repay you. Th... This is all I... I ever wanted.
Blue Fairy: You and Pinocchio have found each other. Now, go. Live your life together as a family.
Geppetto: Come, my son.
Blue Fairy: Remember, Pinocchio. Be brave, truthful, and unselfish. So long as you do that, you will always remain a real boy.
-[Real World]-
(At his room at the inn, August sits at his desk and stares at a small hat resembling the one Pinocchio was wearing. He picks up the phone and dials a number.)
August: Mr. Gold? We need to meet. It's about Emma. There's a...problem. Mmhmm.
(He hangs up. August goes to leave, but grimaces in pain as he reaches the door. He falls back onto the bed and pulls his pant leg up, revealing a wooden leg.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Mary Margaret is outside the school, watching the kids play. Regina arrives with a lunchbox.)
Regina: Miss Blanchard. I see you're back.
MMB: Yes. Isn't it wonderful? Everything worked out.
Regina: Henry forgot his lunch. Have you seen him?
MMB: He's with his mother.
Regina: Miss Blanchard, is there a problem?
MMB: Not any more. Though, someone did go to a lot of trouble to make it look like I had done something horrible. But they failed.
Regina: Yes, Sidney Glass. Who's safely incarcerated.
MMB: If, it was Sidney.
Regina: Well, ask your roommate. He confessed.
MMB: Of course he did.
Regina: Are you insinuating something?
MMB: Yes, I am. But I forgive you. Even if you can't admit what you did, I forgive you anyway. Your life must be filled with such incredible loneliness, if your only joy comes from destroying everyone else's happiness. It's so sad, Mayor Mills, because, despite what you think, it won't make you happy. It's only going to leave a giant hole in your heart. There's Henry now.
(Mary Margaret leaves as Henry approaches them.)
Henry: What are you doing here?
Regina: You forgot your lunchbox.
Henry: Thanks?
Regina: Henry, it's time for a change. I think it's time to transfer you to a new class with a new teacher.
Henry: Why do you want me out of Miss Blanchard's class? Is it because you framed her?
Regina: Henry! Do you really think I'm capable of doing something so horrible?
Henry: Of course. You're the Evil Queen.
Regina: Enough. Those fairy tales are not real. Miss Blanchard should never have given you that book. She should be grateful I'm not trying to get her fired.
Henry: Go ahead and try. It won't work. No matter what you do, Snow White will have her happy ending. She and Prince Charming will be together. The curse will end. Good will win. And I'm not transferring classes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(August enters Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop. Marco is there discussing a clock with Mr. Gold.)
Mr. Gold: Ah, Mr. Booth. I'll be with you in a moment. On second thought, tell me - as one admirer of antiquities to another - do you think it's worth my while having this clock repaired?
(August says nothing as he stares at Marco.)
Mr. Gold: I'll take your silence as a yes, then.
Marco: You know, I'm very busy right now. And, uh, I'm just a one-man shop. But, uh, I'll get to the clock as fast as I can.
Mr. Gold: I wouldn't ask for anything more.
(Marco picks up the clock and goes to leave.)
Marco: Good day.
August: H-how are you?
(Marco exits the shop.)
Mr. Gold: First time seeing dear old dad since you arrived at Storybrooke?
August: I'm so-sor...
Mr. Gold: You know, what surprises me is, why a man who claims to be at death's door can't even bring himself to say hello to his father. What are you afraid of?
August: That's, uh... That's my business.
Mr. Gold: Oh. Fair enough. Let's talk about ours. You claim to be the only person who can make Miss Swan believe. That you could get her to do exactly what she was brought here to do. And yet, for a man who's running out of time, you don't seem to be in much of a hurry.
August: It's not me slowing us down. It's her. All she can think about right now is getting custody of her kid.
Mr. Gold: Sounds like Sheriff Swan needs a course correction.
August: She's coming to you for legal advice.
Mr. Gold: And you want me to steer her toward you?
August: I can get her there. To believing. Trust me.
Mr. Gold: Ah. I'm sorry. It's just that, knowing who you are and your nature, trust is a big ask. Fear not. A gentle nudge I shall provide.
-[Fairy Tale World]-
(Geppetto and Pinocchio are fixing a clock in Marco's wood shop.)
Geppetto: Align the gear on the spindle. Now, press the spring. Oh! Good work! You fixed it, eh? Bravo!
(Jiminy Cricket pops out of the clock, tied to where the cuckoo bird usually sits.)
Jiminy: Aah!
Geppetto: Did you do this, Pinocchio? Remember what the Blue Fairy told you about being a good boy?
Jiminy: Thanks. Oh, it's okay. He meant no harm. I'd be laughing, too, if... I wasn't so dizzy.
(The Blue Fairy appears.)
Pinocchio: I'm sorry. I meant to be good.
Blue Fairy: I'm not here because of you, Pinocchio. I'm afraid I bring bad news.
Geppetto: Wait in your room, my boy. Go on.
Jiminy: H-hang on, Pinocchio. I'll come with you.
(Geppetto and the Blue Fairy are left alone to talk.)
Geppetto: What is it?
Blue Fairy: The Evil Queen... She's threatened the entire kingdom with a curse. A curse that will rip away all that we love.
Geppetto: Then, we must stop her.
Blue Fairy: It is too late for that.
Geppetto: So, all is lost?
Blue Fairy: No. There is hope... If you will help us.
Geppetto: Me?
Blue Fairy: Snow White is about to give birth to a child. A child who will save us all when she reaches her twenty-eighth year. But only if she can be protected from the powerful effects of the dark curse.
Geppetto: But how can I protect this child?
Blue Fairy: There is an enchanted tree, much like the one you carved Pinocchio from. If fashioned into a vessel, it can protect the child from the Queen's magic. Will you do this?
Geppetto: I cannot lose my boy. I have lost... So much. I cannot lose him, too.
Blue Fairy: Then build the wardrobe. That's how you will save us all.
-[Real World]-
(Emma is talking to Mr. Gold in his shop.)
Emma: I have to save him. I have to get Henry away from Regina.
Mr. Gold: I must admit, your intentions are admirable. However, I won't be taking your case.
Emma: What? You know what Regina did.
Mr. Gold: Yes, but we can't prove it. And, given the Mayor's sway in this town, any proceedings against her would be long and drawn out and futile. The only certainty is, Henry would suffer. You can't do that to your boy.
Emma: So, we leave him in the same house with that sociopath?
Mr. Gold: I'm sorry, Sheriff. My mind's made up.
Emma: Well, then change it. The only person I've ever seen go head-to-head with Regina and win is you.
Mr. Gold: That's because I know how to pick my battles.
Emma: Then, pick this one.
Mr. Gold: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I'm just simply not the man to help you beat Mayor Mills.
Emma: No. You're not.
(Emma storms out of the shop.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma knocks on the door to August's room. August answers.)
August: Emma.
Emma: Hey.
(She pushes past him and goes into his room.)
August: Take it easy. Is everything okay?
Emma: No. I am just about out options.
August: Just about?
Emma: You told me to beat Regina, I need to see the big picture. Show it to me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(David is leaving work, when he sees Regina looking under the hood of her car.)
Regina: Oh! Ow!
David: Car trouble?
Regina: It won't start. Got a car full of groceries, and, well, it hasn't exactly been a banner day.
David: Well, now, let's see.
(He tries the ignition, but the car doesn't start.)
David: The battery's dead.
Regina: What?
David: I don't have any jumper cables, but I can give you a ride home in my truck.
Regina: Oh, no, no. Thank you, but I couldn't impose.
David: I insist. Unless you want to have a car full of melted rocky road.
Regina: Sure.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The two of them walk up the walkway of Regina's house.)
Regina: Thank you for being my knight in shining armor.
David: Well, it's more like flannel. But, you're welcome.
Regina: Hey. Why don't you stay for dinner? I bought more than enough for me and Henry, and... Well, I'm making lasagna.
David: Oh, I-I shouldn't. It's getting late, and I've got to get up early tomorrow for work.
Regina: Of course.
(Regina unlocks the door and the two of them enter.)
Regina: Oh, you can just set the bags over there.
(Regina spies a folded piece of paper on the table. 'Mom' is written on the front of it. She picks it up.)
David: What is it?
(Regina pretends to read the note, but really, it's a blank piece of paper.)
Regina: Henry. He's having dinner with Archie after his session instead of coming home.
David: I'm sorry.
Regina: Lately, it seems like he'll do anything to avoid spending time with me. But I-I shouldn't be burdening you with my problems. You've already helped me more than enough for one day. Thank you.
David: You know what? I do love lasagna.
-[Fairy Tale World]-
(In the woods, the Blue Fairy leads Geppetto and Pinocchio to the enchanted tree.)
Blue Fairy: The Evil Queen will stop at nothing to destroy Snow White and Prince Charming's happiness. We must stop at nothing to undo her curse.
(They arrive at the tree.)
Geppetto: It's beautiful.
Blue Fairy: This is the last enchanted tree in the entire realm.
Geppetto: It can be done. I can make a beautiful wardrobe out of this.
Blue Fairy: The tree contains enough magic to protect two from the Queen's curse. Before the curse strikes - before Snow gives birth to her child - she and the Prince will enter the wardrobe and travel to a distant land. A land without magic, where Snow will give birth to her child. Then, when she reaches her twenty-eighth year, she can begin the battle that will defeat the Evil Queen. You see why it is vital that you complete the task at hand?
Geppetto: Pinocchio wasn't always a real boy. When the curse strikes, when the things we love are ripped away, he will be turned back into wood again, won't he?
Blue Fairy: I'm afraid it's impossible to say.
Jiminy: Uh, um... You're frightening the boy.
Geppetto: Oh, no. Shh. I will build your wardrobe, on one condition... If Pinocchio can take the second spot in it.
Jiminy: You can't bargain like this. Not when the entire realm is in danger.
Geppetto: If I don't, I will lose my boy. Maybe forever. I-I can't risk that. Snow can raise the child without her husband.
Jiminy: Geppetto, think about the example you're setting for Pinocchio.
Geppetto: Oh! Oh! You may be a conscience, but you have not earned the right to tell me what to do.
Jiminy: Please. I'm only trying to help.
Geppetto: Help? Help, like you 'helped' my parents? Your debt to me can never be fulfilled. But a start would be staying out of this. Understand?
Jiminy: Yes.
Geppetto: Good. Hey. Hey. Here. Here, boy. Pinocchio goes through... Or no one does.
Blue Fairy: And what will we tell the Prince and Snow White?
Geppetto: You will tell them that the tree contains enough magic to protect only one. Do we have a deal... Or no?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Everyone is gathered around a table at the castle. Prince Charming is leading the discussion. Guards enter, dragging behind them a piece of the tree.)
Blue Fairy: The tree is enchanted. If fashioned into a vessel, it can ward off any curse. Geppetto, can you build such a thing?
Geppetto: Me and my boy, we can do it.
Blue Fairy: This will work. We all must have faith. There is, however, a catch. The enchantment is, indeed, powerful, but all power has its limits. And this tree can protect only one. A choice must be made.
-[Real World]-
(Emma and August are on August's motorcycle. They approach the boundary of Storybrooke.)
Emma: August, you going to tell me where we're going, and how it's going to help me beat Regina?
August: We're going on a trip, Emma, so I can tell you somebody's story.
Emma: Whose story?
August: Mine.
(They drive past the Storybrooke sign, leaving the town.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Regina and David are finishing dinner.)
Regina: How did you like it?
David: Best lasagna I ever had. You really know how to work some magic. Here. Let me get the dishes.
Regina: Oh, no, David.
David: No, no, no, no. It's the least I can do.
Regina: You saved me from having to call the tow truck today, and now, you're doing my dishes. It doesn't seem right.
David: Please. The last couple of weeks haven't exactly been easy for me, and you've been there the whole time.
Regina: Well, I can't help it. I feel responsible for you. Ever since I... Found you.
David: You know, after all this time, no one's ever told me the story.
Regina: What story?
David: About how you found me.
Regina: That's probably because I'm the only one who knows it. I was working late. It... It was a cold night. Must've been ten below. And on my drive home, I realized I left my phone at the office. I remember thinking just to forget about it and I didn't really need it. But... Something inside me told me to turn around and go back.
David: And, that's when you saw me?
Regina: You were on the side of the road, unconscious. So cold you felt like ice. The doctor said if I found you ten minutes later, it would've been too late. It's amazing, isn't it? If I hadn't forgotten my phone, I wouldn't have been on the road at that time.
David: Yeah, it's almost... Almost like the universe wanted you to find me.
(Regina leans in for a kiss, but David stops her.)
David: Uh... I-I'm sorry. I-I hope you didn't get the wrong idea.
Regina: No, I'm sorry. I just got caught up in the moment.
David: You don't have to apologize. I just... We... This is great like it is. Thanks again for dinner.
(David leaves. Regina stares at herself in the mirror for a moment, then smashes it with a wine glass. It shatters.)
-[Fairy Tale World]-
(The Evil Queen and her cohorts and seen traveling through the forest towards the castle. The purple smoke of the curse is behind them. Snow White, who is in labour, is screaming as Prince Charming tries to comfort her.)
Prince Charming: Doc, do something. It's going to be okay. The wardrobe's almost finished. Just... Just hold on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Geppetto, Pinocchio, and Jiminy are working on the wardrobe. The Blue Fairy appears.)
Blue Fairy: Circumstances have changed.
Geppetto: What do you mean, changed?
Blue Fairy: Snow White is going to give birth early. The saviour will be born at any moment. Pinocchio can't go. Snow White must accompany her daughter, or all will be lost. She must be protected. This is a land with no magic. She will need someone to guide her. Someone to make her believe in her destiny. Who better than her mother?
Geppetto: But we had a deal.
Blue Fairy: There is no time to argue. The curse is almost upon us, and I must return to the fairies to make final preparations. It is vital that you tell Snow White what I just told you. Her child is our only hope. She is the only one who can save us.
Geppetto: And my boy... What will happen to him?
Blue Fairy: All we can do is have faith that, one day, the saviour will restore all that we have lost.
(The Blue Fairy exits.)
Pinocchio: Shall we tell Snow White?
Geppetto: No. Get in the wardrobe, my boy.
Jiminy: Geppetto, you can't. Things have changed. The saviour needs her mother.
Geppetto: No, she needs someone to protect her - to make her believe in her destiny. My boy... He can do that.
Pinocchio: I don't understand, father. She said-
Geppetto: I don't care what she said. All that matters, is you are safe.
Pinocchio: But you told me to be honest, father. You told me not to lie.
Geppetto: Sometimes... We have to lie to protect the people we love, eh? You must look out for the child in this new land. You must protect her.
Pinocchio: I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you.
Geppetto: Pinocchio, you must remember what the Blue Fairy said. In twenty-eight years, you must make sure the saviour believes. Promise me you'll do that. That is the only way we'll... We'll see each other again.
Pinocchio: I promise.
Geppetto: Oh, good. Here.
Jiminy: There will be many temptations in this new world, Pinocchio. But, as long as you remain brave, truthful, and unselfish, you will not fail.
Geppetto: Here. Get in. Get in. Get in.
(Geppetto guides Pinocchio into the wardrobe.)
Geppetto: You'll find me again. And, on that day, I will look at you with pride. You will be a great man, my son.
(Geppetto shuts the door and the wardrobe begins to rumble. When the noise stops, he checks the wardrobe and Pinocchio is gone.)
-[Real World]-
(Emma and August arrive at their destination, which turns out to be a diner at the side of the road.)
Emma: What the hell is this?
August: Last I checked, it was a diner.
Emma: No more screwing around. I am not a character in one of your books. What the hell are we doing here?
August: I think you know. You've been here before.
(August takes out a newspaper article and shows it to Emma.)
August: This is the diner you were brought to when you were found as a baby.
Emma: So, you found an article about me. So what? I thought this trip was supposed to be about you.
August: It is. This is my story, and it's your story.
Emma: And how is that?
August: That seven year old boy who found you... That was me.
-[Real World (Past)]-
(In the middle of the woods, a tree begins shaking and then breaks apart. Pinocchio, who has been transported to the Real World, climbs out. He looks around, and then hears a plane flying overhead. Scared, he tries to climb back into the tree, but is thrown back by a force. Pinocchio has a series of flashbacks about his time in Fairy Tale World and what Geppetto told him to do. When he comes to, the tree begins shaking again. Baby Emma, wrapped in a blanket, appears inside the tree. Pinocchio picks her up as she starts crying.)
-[Real World]-
(August and Emma are walking through the forest.)
Emma: Why are we in the woods?
August: All the answers you've been searching for are right where I found you.
Emma: See? You're not that seven year old boy. I wasn't found in the woods. I was found on the side of a highway.
August: Why do you think that? Because you read it in the newspaper? Did it ever occur to you that, maybe, that seven year old boy lied about where he found you?
Emma: No. But it occurs to me that you've been lying to me about everything. And I'm done listening.
August: When I found you, you were wrapped in a blanket. And the name 'Emma' was embroidered along the bottom of it. That wasn't in the article, was it? How would I know that unless I was there?
Emma: Okay. Let's say you were that kid. Why lie about where you found me?
August: I lied to protect you.
Emma: From what?
August: That.
(August points to a tree.)
Emma: A tree?
August: You've read Henry's book, right? You know about the curse, don't you? Your role in it? It's true, Emma. We both came into this world... Through this tree.
Emma: You're asking me to believe that you are a fairy tale character?
August: Pinocchio.
Emma: Right, of course. Pinocchio. Explains all the lying. You're the one who added the story to Henry's book.
August: I needed you to know the truth.
Emma: The truth is, you are out of your mind, and you're not even a very good liar. Why not write the end of that story?
August: Because this is the ending, and we're writing it right now.
Emma: And how does this story end?
August: With you believing.
Emma: Not going to happen.
(Emma starts to leave.)
August: Emma? Emma, wait.
(August attempts to chase after her, but the pain in his leg causes him to fall down.)
Emma: What. Is wrong. With your leg?
August: I failed.
Emma: What are you talking about?
August: It doesn't matter. You don't believe.
Emma: If you think that by making me feel sorry for you that something's going to change, you are wrong.
August: I am not screwing around here. Whatever you believe, or don't, this is real, Emma. I am sick.
Emma: That's an understatement.
August: You ever been to Phuket? It's beautiful. Amazing island, full of pleasures. The perfect place to lose oneself. That's where I was when you decided to stay in Storybrooke.
Emma: How do you know when I decided to stay in Storybrooke?
August: Because at eight fifteen in the morning, I woke up with a shooting pain in my leg. That's eight fifteen at night in Storybrooke. Sound familiar? That's when time there started to move forward again. I was supposed to be there for you. And I wasn't. Because I was halfway around the world, I got a painful reminder of just how far I'd strayed. If that tree won't make you believe, maybe this will.
(August pulls up his pant leg, revealing his wooden leg. However, from Emma's perspective, his leg is normal.)
Emma: How does that prove anything?
August: Look.
Emma: August, I'm looking.
August: You don't see it, do you?
Emma: See what?
August: Your denial is more powerful than I thought. It's preventing you from seeing truth.
Emma: Okay, one of us is losing it here, and it's not me.
August: You don't want to believe. After everything you've seen, why can't you just do it?
Emma: Why is it so important to you that I do?
August: Because I, the town... Everyone needs you.
Emma: I don't want them to need me.
August: Well, that's too bad, because we all do.
Emma: You're saying that I am responsible for everyone's happiness? That is crap! I didn't ask for that. I don't want it.
August: Right now. A little while ago, you didn't want Henry, either. But then, he came to you, and now, you are fighting like hell for him.
Emma: For him! Because that is all I can handle right now. And I'm not even doing a good job at that! Now, you're telling me I have to save everyone? That is beyond ridiculous. I don't want any of it.
August: Well, that's too bad, Emma, because that doesn't change the truth. You are our only hope.
Emma: Then you're all screwed.
-[Real World (Past)]-
(At an orphanage, Emma is crying in her crib while Pinocchio tries to settle her.)
Pinocchio: Shh. Shh. Don't cry, Emma. Look at me. Watch this.
(He makes funny faces at Emma.)
Pinocchio: There. That's better, right?
(He goes to fix one of the legs of the crib, when a man enters.)
Mr. Raskind: Do those tools belong to you?
Pinocchio: I was just trying to fix the crib. I didn't want Emma to fall out and get hurt.
Mr. Raskind: Don't ever touch anything in this house again. Nothing belongs to you.
Pinocchio: Yes, Mr. Raskind.
(The man takes the toolbox from Pinocchio and leaves the room. Another boy enters.)
Boy: Hey. You okay? Uh, can you keep a secret?
(Pinocchio nods. The other boy pulls out a wad of bills.)
Pinocchio: Wow. Where'd you get that?
Boy: I stole it from the sock drawer. It's enough to buy us all bus tickets out of here.
Pinocchio: You're leaving? When?
Boy: Right now. You want to come?
Pinocchio: I told my father I'd take care of Emma. Can she come? Please?
Boy: We can't take care of baby. You want to stay here for the rest of your life, be my guest.
Pinocchio: Wait! I'm sorry, Emma.
(Pinocchio kisses his hand and presses it to Emma's forehead. He then leaves with the other kids.)
-[Real World]-
(Marco is in his garage, attempting to repair the clock from Mr. Gold. August walks by, then stops to help him fix it.)
Marco: Faster and faster. Come on. Work, work, work...
August: Align the gear on the spindle, then press the spring.
(Marco does as he says, and the cuckoo works.)
Marco: Who taught you that?
August: My father.
Marco: He taught you well. He must be very proud.
August: I don't know about that. Don't think I became the man he wanted me to be.
Marco: Well, have you tried to make it up to him?
August: I made him a promise... A long time ago. By the time I got around to making good on it, I think it was too late.
Marco: But you kept your promise. You realized your mistake, and you tried to fix it. That's important. If I had a son, that would be enough for me.
August: You look like you might be shorthanded.
Marco: I get by.
August: How would you feel about... Taking on an assistant?
Marco: I can't pay you.
August: That's okay. I just feel like fixing things.
Marco: Come in. Vieni, vieni.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Henry is sleeping, when Emma's voice comes through the walkie talkie.)
Emma: Code red. Code red. Henry?
(He wakes up and responds.)
Henry: Emma, what's wrong?
Emma: I need to talk to you.
Henry: About Operation Cobra?
Emma: No. About us. Meet me downstairs.
(Henry meets Emma in her bug parked outside of the house.)
Henry: If my mom sees me out here talking to you, she'll get really mad.
Emma: Henry, I need to ask you something very important. Do you want to get away from Regina? Do you want to come and live with me?
Henry: More than anything.
Emma: Okay. Then, buckle up. You ready?
Henry: Why? Where we going?
Emma: We're leaving Storybrooke.
(Emma starts the car and the two of them drive off.)
-[End]- | Plan: A: August; Q: Who promises to show Emma how she can beat Regina? A: Emma; Q: Who does August promise to take on a journey to show her how to beat Regina? A: custody; Q: What does Emma want to take from Henry? A: work; Q: What does Mary Margaret return to after her time with August? A: motion; Q: What does Regina put her plan to seduce David into? A: the Evil Queen's curse; Q: What is about to strike in fairytale land? A: Geppetto; Q: Who agrees to a plan that will save Snow White and Prince Charming's daughter? A: his own son; Q: What does Geppetto agree to save in order to save Snow White and Prince Charming's daughter? Summary: August promises to enlighten Emma and take her on a journey that will show her how she can beat Regina, and possibly take custody of Henry; and with Mary Margaret returning to work, Regina puts a plan in motion to seduce David. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, with the Evil Queen's curse about to strike, Geppetto agrees to a plan that will save Snow White and Prince Charming's daughter, but with a provision that could also save his own son. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
How many are there?
Derek: A pack of 'em. An Alpha pack. Cora? She's my sister. My younger sister.
Scott: I couldn't let that be the last memory that you had of her. You want to take this downstairs?
Heather: You know what I want for my birthday? To not be a virgin.
Stiles: Emily, Heather, the guy Lydia found at the pool, all three were virgins. Sacrifices. Human sacrifices.
Kyle: It's not gonna hurt him, is it?
Deaton: Just a little. But I usually find that it's the owners... [Winces] Who feel the most pain. All right. Well, we'll just check the stool sample for parasites, but my guess is that he probably just ate something he shouldn't have.
Scott: Got a cool name.
Kyle: He's got two brothers at home named Beretta and Trigger. Military family.
[Dog whimpers]
Kyle: Looks like he knows who the Alpha is.
[Chuckles]
Kyle: Let's go, buddy.
[Dog whines]
Kyle: Okay, this usually happens before we go to the vet.
[Dog barking]
Kyle: Hey!
Scott: Found something.
Deaton: Rinse it off.
Scott: What is it?
Deaton: Definitely poisonous... For the dog. Actually, for you as well.
Scott: Wolfsbane?
Deaton: Mistletoe.
Kyle: Bullet? Come here, bullet. Come here, bullet.
[Scraping]
[Dog whimpering]
Kyle: There you are. Come on, Bullet.
[Sighs]
Kyle: Aah, son of a bitch! Did you just bite me?
[Dog whimpering]
[Whispers] Closer...
[Dog barks]
Come closer...
[Dog barking]
[Roars]
[Dog barking outside]
[Suspenseful music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Door shuts]
[Suspenseful music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Sighs]
[Screams]
Jennifer: What do you want? You gonna threaten me? Tell me that no one's gonna believe me? Try to scare me? Kill me?
Derek: I was gonna see if you were okay.
Jennifer: Physically or emotionally? Although I guess that presupposes I was emotionally okay before any of this. And according to my therapist, I.. it's been debatable for a long time.
[Sighs]
Derek: I think you're gonna be okay.
Jennifer: Obviously, you've never taught high school. In 20 minutes, I have to start two dozen teenagers on the crucible, and I honestly have no idea what I'm gonna say.
Derek: Well, why don't you start by telling them that it's an allegory for mccarthyism?
Jennifer: Is that a subtle way of suggesting that I shouldn't say anything? Because I won't. Who are you?
Derek: I'm Derek.
Jennifer: Jennifer.
Scott: I looked everywhere. It's like he just walked away. Left his car, his dog.
Stiles: Okay. Was he, like... could he have been a virgin maybe? Did he look like a virgin? Was he, you know, virginal?
Scott: No, definitely not. Deaton makes me have s*x with all of his clients. It's a new policy.
[Chuckles]
[Sighs]
Scott: No, I don't know if he was a virgin. And why are you talking like he's already dead? He's just missing.
Stiles: Missing and presumed dead because he's probably a virgin, Scott. And you know who else is a virgin? Me. I'm a virgin, okay? And you know what that means? It means that my lack of sexual experience is now literally a threat to my life. Okay, I need to have s*x, like, right now. Someone needs to have s*x with me, like, today. Like, someone needs to s*x me right now!
[Locker slams]
Danny: All right, I'll do it.
[Shouts]
Stiles: What?
Danny: Come to my place at 9:00. Plan to stay the night. I like to cuddle.
Stiles: Oh. That was so sweet. Are you kidding?
Danny: Yes, I'm kidding. Okay, you know, you don't toy with a guy's emotions like that, Danny. It's not attractive, all right?
Coach: Mr. Lahey, happy to have you back. Not happy that you're late.
Isaac: Sorry, coach.
Coach: I'll remind you all, cross-country is not optional for lacrosse players. I don't need you turning into a bunch of fat-asses in the off-season. So work on that.
[Locker shuts]
[Birds chirping]
[Dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Whistle blows]
[Electronic music]
Coach: Pace yourselves! Come on!
Scott: Isaac!
Isaac: It's them.
Scott: Isaac, wait! Isaac!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Grunts]
[Dramatic music]
[Grunting]
Aiden: Ethan, I always forget, how many bones in the human body?
Ethan: I don't know. Let's count.
[Grunts]
Scott: That's one.
[Electronic music]
[Bones crunch]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Growls]
Ashley: AAAAhhhhh
Isaac: It's him, isn't it?
Sheriff: Hey, get out of the way. Get back. Get this area cordoned off before they trample every piece of evidence.
Deputy Tara: Back up! Everyone back!
Sheriff: Get these kids out of here!
Stiles: Dad, just come here. Look, look. Look at it. It's the same as the others, you see?
Sheriff: Yeah, I see that. Do me a favor. Go back to school, yeah? Coach, can you give us a hand here?
Coach: You heard the man. Nothing to see here. Probably just some homeless kid.
Scott: Coach.
Coach: Yeah?
Scott: He was a senior.
Coach: Oh.
[Sighs]
Coach: He wasn't on the team, was he?
Ashley: Aaaaahh Kyle! Oh, God, Kyle! Oh, God!
Sheriff: Go on. Go. Go.
Isaac: You see the way the twins looked at him?
Stiles: Yeah, you mean like they had no idea what happened?
Isaac: No, no, they knew.
Stiles: The kid was strangled with a garrote, all right? Am I the only one recognizing the lack of "werewolfitude" in these murders?
Isaac: Oh, you think it's a coincidence they turn up and then people start dying?
Stiles: Well, no, but I still don't think it's them.
Stiles: Scott?
Isaac: How 'bout you?
Scott: I don't know yet.
Stiles: You don't know yet?
Scott: Well, he's got a point. Seriously, dude, human sacrifices?
Stiles: Scott, your eyes turn into yellow glow sticks, okay? Hair literally grows from your cheeks and then will immediately disappear, and if I were to stab you right now, it would just magically heal, but you're telling me that you're having trouble grasping human sacrifices?
[Sighs]
Scott: That's a good point too.
Isaac: I don't care. They killed that kid, they killed the girl that saved me. I'm gonna kill them too.
[Music playing]
[Grunting]
Derek: Stop. You're not done healing.
Cora: Yeah? Well, I'm done lying around.
Derek: Then sit.
Cora: Are you gonna help me go after them?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cora: Come on, fight back! I came back for this?
[Scoffs]
Cora: I can't believe I got my ass thrown in a vault for three months for you. All those rumors I heard. A powerful new Alpha, one of the hales, was building a pack. Do you know how long I waited to hear something like that? Do you have any idea how it felt to find out you were alive?
Derek: I'm sorry to disappoint you.
[Alarm blaring]
Cora: What's that?
Derek: Trouble.
[Growls]
Derek: No, wait. Wait!
[Alarm blaring]
[Both grunting]
Ennis: Ready for a rematch?
[Dramatic music]
[Growls]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Growls]
[Steam hissing]
[Roars]
[Gasps]
[Groaning]
Deucalion: Everybody done? 'Cause just listening to that was exhausting. So... Let's chat.
Ms Morrell: Ou allez-vous?
Class: Ou allez-vous?
Ms Morrell: Je vais Chez moi.
Class: Je vais Chez moi.
Ms Morrell: Mademoiselle? Mademoiselle Argent?
Ms Argent: Allison!
Ms Morrell: Es-tu fatiguee?
[Laughter]
Allison: Sorry.
[Bell rings]
Ms Morrell: You're starting to concern me, Allison. Maybe we should chat in the guidance office sometime.
Allison: Or maybe you should tell me what you were doing at the bank the other night.
Ms Morrell: Maybe you should tell me what you were doing there.
[Dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ms Morrell: Looks like we have a situation here. Tell you what, give me the French word for it that's the same in English, and you can avoid lunchtime detention.
Allison: Um...
Ms Morrell: Impasse.
Mr Harris: All right, since inertia is a subject of which you all know plenty, why don't we start with "momentum"?
Isaac: They're here for a reason.
Scott: Give me a chance to figure it out before you do anything. Okay? Isaac.
Mr Harris: Danny...What do we know about momentum?
Danny: It's the product of mass and velocity. The more massive something is, the faster it's going.
Isaac: Mr. Harris, can I use the bathroom, please?
Scott: I have to go to the bathroom too.
Mr Harris: One at a time.
[Dramatic music]
Scott: But I really have to go. Like, medical emergency have to go. Mr. McCall, if your bladder suddenly exploded and urine began to pour from every orifice, I would still respond, "one at a time."
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scott: Unh!
Mr Harris: Is that enough hyperbole for you, or would you like me to come up with something more vivid?
Scott: No. No. That's pretty good.
[Sighs]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Grunting]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mr Harris: What is this? What's going on?
Danny: You all right?
Isaac: Uh, he just... he just came at me.
Mr Harris: Isaac, what the hell did you do?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Deucalion: Sorry about this, Derek. I asked Kali to be gentle, but...
Kali: this is me being gentle.
[Groans]
Derek: Let... let her go. No.
Deucalion: See? We're not unreasonable.
Derek: What do you want? You want to kill me?
Deucalion: You really think I'm that boring? Don't throw me in with sociopaths like your Uncle. I'm a man with far more vision than simple murder. In fact... [Groaning] I'm here to show you just how much vision a blind man can have.
Scott: Don't let it bother you. It's just lunchtime detention. If all they want right now is to piss you off, then don't give in. They're just trying to get to you.
Isaac: It's not just me.
Aiden: What about tonight?
Lydia: Nope. Studying.
Aiden: I could help you.
Lydia: Do you have an IQ higher than 170?
Aiden: Okay. You could help me.
[Scoffs]
Aiden: Tonight then?
Scott: What?
Isaac: Now they're getting to you.
Sheriff: Your mom and dad...
[Indistinct whispering]
[Stumbles]
Deputy Tara: Wait right here, okay?
Ashley: Okay.
[Sighs]
Stiles: Um, hi, Ashley. Hi. Can I talk to you just for one sec? Sorry. I just need to ask you something really quick, and it's gonna sound really unbelievably insensitive, so I apologize in advance. Um... Was Kyle a virgin?
Ashley: What?
Stiles: Your boyfriend, was he a virgin, or did you guys... You know what I mean...
[Grunts]
Ashley: No. He wasn't a virgin.
Sheriff: Have you completely lost your mind? I've got four murders, Stiles. You see those men in there? That's the FBI. They're pulling together a task force to help because it looks like we've got a full-blown serial killer on our hands. You get that?
Stiles: Yes, dad. I get that.
Sheriff: Then what are you doing?
Stiles: I'm trying to find a pattern.
Cora: You're killing him!
Kali: Not yet, little sister. But I could.
[Coughing]
Kali: Who knows if it's five minutes or five hours before it's too late to take this thing out? But just to be on the safe side, Duke, you might want to get to the point.
Deucalion: Now you see the one problem with being in an Alpha pack. Everybody wants to make the decisions. Me? I'm more about discovering new talents... Like you.
Derek: Not interested.
Scott: But you haven't even heard my pitch.
Derek: You want me to... Kill my own pack.
Deucalion: No. I want you to kill one of them. Do that, and I won't have to ask you to kill the others. You'll do it on your own. I did it. Ennis did. Kali did. Tell him what it's like, Kali, to kill one of your own.
Kali: Mm... Liberating.
Deucalion: Listen to me, Derek. Do you really want to stay beholden to a couple of maladjusted teenagers bound to become a liability? And believe me, they will become a liability. In fact... I have a feeling one of them is getting himself into trouble right now.
Mr Harris: The two of you will wash all the boards in this hall. Reshelving the library. Restocking the janitor's closet.
Isaac: Oh, Mr. Harris? [Clears throat] Um... Does it have to be with her?
Mr Harris: Now that I know you prefer not to... Yes. You have to be with her. Great.
[Indistinct chatter]
Stiles: Whoa. Hey, Boyd! I didn't know you were back at school.
Boyd: Yeah, I would have told you, but we're not actually friends.
Stiles: Oh, yeah. Hey, so did you, uh... so did you know Kyle?
Boyd: Yeah, we were in junior R.O.T.C. together.
Stiles: So you two were friends, then?
Boyd: I only had one friend. She's dead too.
[Clears throat]
Stiles: Oh, sorry.
Allison: Are you okay?
Isaac: Yeah, yeah, I'm just... Not a big fan of small spaces.
Allison: Can I ask you a question?
Isaac: Do you have to?
Allison: I guess not. i'm gonna ask anyway. Did you tell anyone that I was at school the other night?
Isaac: Oh, was I supposed to?
Allison: It would make me really happy if you didn't.
Isaac: Yeah, well... You being happy really isn't a big priority of mine, since you stabbed me... 20 times... With knives.
Allison: They were actually Chinese ring daggers, but... oh. Sorry.
Isaac: Was that... was that an apology? Would you accept an apology?
Isaac: [Chuckles] Uh...
[suspenseful music]
[Muttering]
Allison: Uh, maybe it locked from the outside.
[Pushes door]
Isaac: No, there's something against it.
[Pushing door]
Scott: Okay, okay, okay. Okay, uh, all right. Just relax.
Isaac: No.
Allison: Isaac, relax.
[Knocks frantically]
Allison: Isaac...
Isaac: Come on. Come on.
Allison: Isaac.
Isaac: Come on.
Allison: Isaac. Isaac! Okay, Isaac. Isaac, just relax. Isaac.
Isaac: Come on!
[Screams]
Allison: No!
[Screams]
Allison: Don't.
[Growls]
Allison: Don't.
[Growls]
Allison: Isaac! Isaac! Isaac!
[Roars]
Scott: Isaac!
[Growls weakly] [Exhales]
Scott: Allison.
Allison: I'm okay. I'm fine.
Isaac: I'm sorry, I didn't... I didn't mean to do that.
Allison: I'm okay.
Isaac: I'm so sorry.
Allison: It's not his fault.
Scott: I know. I guess now we know they want to do more than get you angry. They want to get someone hurt.
Isaac: So are we gonna do something?
Scott: Yeah. I'm gonna get them angry. Really angry.
Stiles: You know that there's a temple in Calcutta where they used to sacrifice a child every day? That's every day a dead baby, Lydia, every day! Hey, you want to know what today is? It's dead baby day. Oh, no, wait, that's every day, because every day is dead baby day, yay!
Lydia: Why are you telling me this?
Stiles: Because Scott's dealing with the Alpha twins. You don't know about the twins?
Lydia: Alphas?
Stiles: Ethan and Aiden.
Lydia: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I knew about them.
Stiles: Okay, okay, good. So look, here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that the murders maybe come in threes. Ancient people love things in threes, right? So maybe first it's three virgins, and then, I don't know, maybe it's three people who own little dogs.
Lydia: I own a little dog.
[Sighs]
Lydia: I am not getting rid of my dog!
Stiles: Would you just think about getting rid of your little dog?
Lydia: No. And by the way, you cannot discern a pattern by a single data point, so stop trying.
Stiles: Wha-okay, so what, I'm just supposed to wait around for someone else to die, then? I'm just supposed to sit there and watch them die? Just wait for them to wither up and die right in front of me?
Lydia: Wither?
Stiles: You know what I mean. cDie, in just a hideously awful, strangulating, head-bashing, throat-cutting kind of way.
Lydia: Maybe it's not your job. You said it yourself, they were strangled with a garrote. That's a human thing to do, so... Maybe just leave the figuring it out part to someone human.
Stiles: You mean someone like my dad?
Lydia: No, I mean your dad. The sheriff!
[Bell rings]
[Music playing]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Isaac: How long is this gonna take?
[Engine starts]
Allison: Okay. Pull back with your left hand. Kick down to put in gear. Front brake. Throttle. Back brake for stopping. Try not to crash.
Isaac: Yeah.Been there, done that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jennifer: Okay, everyone. I know this is the last class of the day. To be honest, I want to get out of here too.
Scott: Looks kind of important. I have no idea what that thing does.
[Motorcycle revs outside]
Ethan: Wait. Aiden, don't!
[Motorcycle revs]
[Engine roaring]
[Music playing]
[Tires screech]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Aiden: Get off my bike!
Isaac: No problem.
Jennifer: You have got to be kidding me. You realize this is gonna result in a suspension.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Dogs barking]
Deaton: You're out of school early.
Stiles: Yeah, free period, actually. Um, I was just headed home to see my dad. He's, uh... you know, I guess you probably heard people are kind of getting murdered again. It's his job to figure it out.
Deaton: I gathered as much from the sheriff title. Yeah, um... You know, but it gets kind of hard for him to do his job when he doesn't have all the information. And we all know he's missing pretty much half the story here, right? So then I started thinking, and I remembered someone who does have a lot of information. Someone who always seems to know more than anyone else around here. You.
[Grunting]
Deucalion: See, the reason I'm always invested in new talent is simple. We all know a pack is strongest due to its individual parts. The stronger the individual parts, the greater the whole. When I lost my sight, one of my betas assumed I wasn't fit for my role anymore. He tried to take it from me. Killing him taught me something about alphas I didn't know they could do. His power was added to mine. I became stronger, faster, more powerful than I'd ever been. I tested this new ability to subsume the power of your own by killing another one. In fact, Derek, I killed them all. I took the individual parts and became a greater individual whole.
[Grunting]
[Grunts]
Deucalion: You're right, Kali.
He looks like his mother. You'll get to know me, Derek. Like she did.
Derek: I know you. [Grunts] I know what you are. You're a fanatic.
Deucalion: Know me? You've never seen anything like me. I am the Alpha of alphas. [Thunder] I am the apex of apex predators! I am death, destroyer of worlds! I am the demon-wolf!
[Thunder]
[Dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Deucalion: Hate it when that happens.
[Music playing]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Danny: Wow, that's, like, really good.
Lydia: I know, right?
Danny: You should be in art class.
Lydia: Maybe.
Danny: Since you're not in music.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Teacher: 15 minutes!
Lydia: What? What's that?
Danny: 15minute rule. The teacher didn't show up.
Recording piano, part three.
[Piano playing]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Music stops]
[Piano playing]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Cacophonous piano keys]
[Dramatic music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Suspenseful music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Stiles: All these symbols and things... the triskeles, the bank logo, the Mountain ash... all of it is from the Celtic druids. And anyone who has ever looked up human sacrifice before knows that the druids had a pretty big hard-on when it came to giving one up to the gods. You ever hear of the lindow man? 2,000-year-old body found in England? He was found strangled, head bashed in, throat cut. Threefold death. They also found pollen grains in his stomach. Guess what favorite druid plant that was.
Deaton: Mistletoe.
Stiles: I'm just telling you everything you already know, aren't I? Then why aren't you telling us?
Deaton: Maybe because we've spent every moment of the last ten years trying to push something away. Denying it. Lying about it. Becomes a pretty powerful habit.
Stiles: All right, so this guy... is he a druid?
Deaton: No. It's someone copying a centuries-old practice of a people who should have known better. Do you know what the word "druid" means in Gaelic?
Stiles: No.
Deaton: "Wise oak." The Celtic druids were close to nature. They believed they kept it in balance. They were philosophers and scholars. They weren't serial killers.
Stiles: Yeah, well, this one is.
[Phone vibrating]
Stiles: Hey, I can't talk right now. Wait, what? Yeah, are you sure he's missing?
Lydia: Not just missing. Taken.
Deaton: Can we get a copy of this?
Stiles: Hey, doc, any help would be, you know, helpful.
Deaton: Each grouping of three would have its own purpose, its own type of power. Virgins, healers, philosophers, warriors...
Stiles: wait, wait, wait, wait. Warrior, could that also be like a soldier?
Deaton: Absolutely.
Stiles: Kyle was in R.O.T.C. with Boyd. That's got to be it. That's the pattern.
Deaton: Where's Boyd?
Stiles: He's probably home by now. I'm gonna try and get him on the phone.
Deaton: Lydia? Something wrong?
Lydia: No, it was... I mean... I just thought of someone else with a military connection.
Who? It's sitting right on his desk... the west point honor code.
[Wind blowing]
[Suspenseful music]
Isaac: Yeah, I wish I could have seen their faces. They look seriously pissed?
Scott: Yeah.
[Electronic music]
Scott: Kind of like that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Jacket hits locker]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Unh!
[Growls]
[Bones crunching]
[Roars]
Isaac: We can take him.
[Roars]
Scott: Are you kidding? Isaac!
[Grunting]
[Growls]
[Roars]
[Grunting, bones crunching]
Isaac: Who the hell is that?
Scott: Deucalion.
Deaton: This is just one of many possibilities. He could have simply left for the day.
Stiles: Yeah, well... Not without this.
Deaton: What?
Stiles: This test is graded "R."
Lydia: This one's an "H."
Deaton: Stiles, you remember I told you "druid" is the Gaelic word for "wise oak"?
Stiles: Yeah.
Deaton: If a druid went down the wrong path, the wise oak was sometimes said to have become a dark oak. There's a Gaelic word for that as well... Darach.
[Suspenseful music]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Isaac: Ah... I don't get it. Look, did something happen?
Derek: It's just not gonna work with both of you here. I've got Cora now. It's too much. I need you out tonight.
[Scoffs]
Isaac: Where am I supposed to go?
Derek: Somewhere else.
[Thunder]
Isaac: Did I do something wrong, Derek?
[Thunder]
Derek: You're doing something wrong right now by not leaving.
Isaac: Oh, come on.
Derek: Just get out.
Isaac: Derek, please.
Derek: Get out.
Isaac: Come on.
Isaac: Go!
[Glass shatters]
[Thunder]
[Knocking at door]
Scott: Come in, mom.
Isaac: II was wondering if I could ask you a favor.
Mr Harris: Please! Don't do this!
[Whimpers]
[Grunts, coughs]
Mr Harris: I did what you asked. I did everything! They... they'll figure this out! And they're gonna find you. You still need me!
[Sputters]
[Thunder]
[Suspenseful music] | Plan: A: The body; Q: What is found of the latest murder victim? A: The Alphas attack Derek; Q: What happens when the body of the newest victim is found? A: Deucalion; Q: Who wants Derek to kill his pack? A: his own Betas; Q: What does Deucalion want Derek to kill to join the Alpha pack? A: their power; Q: What does Deucalion want Derek to absorb from his Betas? A: Lydia; Q: Who is the other person who figured out that the serial killer was a Darach? A: a dark or evil druid; Q: What is a Darach? A: the killer; Q: Who did Mr. Harris seem to know? A: Isaac; Q: Who moves in with Scott? A: Scott; Q: Who does Isaac move in with after Derek kicks him out? Summary: The body of the newest murder victim is found. The Alphas attack Derek, and Deucalion offers him a proposition: join the Alpha pack by killing his own Betas and absorbing their power. Stiles, Lydia and Deaton figure out that the serial killer is a Darach, a dark or evil druid . Mr. Harris is murdered next, though he seemed to know the killer. Derek, aware that Deucalion wants him to kill his pack, kicks Isaac out, so Isaac moves in with Scott. |
Scene: The lobby.
Sheldon: Penny, hello.
Penny: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: What is shaking?
Penny: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: It's colloquial, a conversation opener. So, do you find the weather satisfying? Are you currently sharing in the triumph of some local sports team?
Penny: What's wrong with you? you're freaking me out.
Sheldon: I'm striking up a casual conversation with you. S'u'up?
Penny: Please don't do that.
Sheldon: All right, But I'm given to understand that when you have something awkward to discuss with someone, it's more palatable to preface it with banal chit chat.
Penny: So, this wasn't the awkward part?
Sheldon: No.
Penny: Oh, all right. S'u'up?
Sheldon: Oh, good, I used that right. Anyway, you're aware that Leonard has entered into a new romantic relationship which includes a sexual component?
Penny: Okay, feeling the awkward now.
Sheldon: Her name is Dr. Stephanie Barnett and she is a highly distinguished surgical resident at Freemont Memorial.
Penny: Yeah, Leonard told me.
Sheldon: Good. What he may have left out is how important this relationship is to me.
Penny: To you?
Sheldon: Yes, see, of the handful of women Leonard's been involved with, she's the only one I have ever found tolerable.
Penny: Well, what about me?
Sheldon: The statement stands for itself.
Penny: Well, aren't you sweet?
Sheldon: Anyway, should you have any interaction with her, it would be most helpful that she not see you as a sexual rival.
Penny: Yeah, I think she's pretty safe.
Sheldon: You say that now, but consider the following scenario, you're sitting in your apartment, it's late, you're alone, your hypothalamus is swimming in a soup of estrogen and progesterone and suddenly even Leonard seems like a viable sexual candidate, or a, uh, hookup as it's referred to by today's urban youth.
Penny: Really?
Sheldon: Yes. Now, should that happen, I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.
Penny: I could think about you.
Sheldon: Fine, whatever works.
Penny: Always nice talking to you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Uh, peace out! Credits sequence.
Scene: The apartment.
Sheldon: Well, this is very pleasant.
Leonard: I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.
Sheldon: And you said there'd never be enough pasta for the three of us.
Leonard: I stand corrected.
Sheldon: You know, Italian housewives have a rule of thumb. A handful of dry pasta about an inch in diameter is sufficient for each person as it doubles in volume when cooked.
Steph: That's very interesting.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Leonard: She doesn't mean it. She's just being nice.
Sheldon: Well, Stephanie, since Leonard seems to be dropping the conversational ball, I guess I'll just have to pick it up. Have you ever witnessed a violent crime?
Steph: No.
Sheldon: Good. What's your favourite fruit?
Steph: Ih-uh, strawberries.
Sheldon: Hmm, technically not a fruit, but all right. Where did you do your medical internship?
Steph: Uh, Lawrence Memorial in Galveston, Texas.
Sheldon: Really? That's where I was born!
Steph: You're kidding!
Sheldon: I spent so much of my childhood at that hospital. When I was 12, I got to ride there in a helicopter.
Steph: Why, what-what-what happened?
Sheldon: Radiation burns. A little mishap while I was building my own cat scanner.
Steph: I'm sorry, you tried to build your own cat scanner?
Sheldon: No, I didn't try, I succeeded. In fact, I was briefly able to see the inside of my sister's guinea pig, Snowball, before he caught fire. It led to an interesting expression in our house, not a snowball's chance in a cat scanner.
Leonard: Uh, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Excuse me. When I come back, just for fun, the subject will be alternative history. Specifically, how would the civil war have gone differently if Lincoln had been a robot sent from the future? (To Leonard) Look at that, there's even pasta left over.
Leonard: Do you understand that this was supposed to be a date?
Sheldon: I do. Do you? Because frankly, you've been in a foul mood since I sat down.
Leonard: Okay, here's my question, why did you sit down?
Sheldon: To help. Look, if you fail at this relationship, and history suggests you will, then we risk losing the medical officer that our landing party has always needed.
Leonard: What landing party?
Sheldon: You're Kirk, I'm Spock, Wolowitz is Scotty, Koothrappali is the guy who always gets killed, and now we've got McCoy.
Scene: A cinema.
Steph: So, we're all standing around looking at the post-op x ray and there it is, clear as day, right in the guy's chest cavity, one of my earrings.
Leonard: Oh, my god, what did you do?
Steph: What do you think I did? I discreetly slipped off the other earring, put it in my pocket and then got the hell out of there!
Sheldon (arriving): I have a bone to pick with you, sir.
Leonard: Oo-oo-oh!
Steph: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hi, Stephanie. I'm sorry I'm late, but your companion left the most indecipherable invitation.
Leonard: What invitation?
Sheldon: We're going to the movies. What movie? What theatre? What time? If you were trying to make it impossible to locate you, you couldn't have done a better job.
Leonard: Oh, clearly I could have.
Sheldon: It took me nearly 20 minutes to go through the browser history on your computer to see what movie times you looked up. Wait here, I'll find us seats.
Steph: No, no, we have seats.
Leonard: Not the right seats. (Sheldon moves around the theatre sitting in various seats and shouting "Ha!")
Steph: What is he doing?
Leonard: He's finding the acoustic sweet spot.
Steph: Does he always do this?
Leonard: Sometimes he brings a toy xylophone. I am really sorry about this.
Steph: No, it's fine. you know, he's sweet.
Sheldon: My apologies, you've been sitting in it all along. Leonard, you want to slide over one?
Leonard: No, just sit here.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah, this is it.
Scene: Outside Leonard's bedroom.
Sheldon (Knock, knock, knock) : Leonard (knock, knock, knock) Leonard (knock, knock, knock) Leonard.
Leonard: What, Sheldon? What, Sheldon? What, Sheldon?
Sheldon (showing him laptop): Tell me what you see here.
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?
Sheldon: This is Stephanie's facebook page. Now, where it should say in a relationship, what does it say?
Leonard: Stephanie Barnett is single.
Sheldon: Yeah, furthermore, earlier this evening, she threw a digital sheep at some guy named Mike. Who's Mike? Why does he get a digital sheep and not you?
Leonard: It's just her facebook page and we've only been going out a couple of weeks.
Sheldon: You don't see it, do you? We're losing her.
Leonard: Okay, I'm going to make this very simple for you. You are not in this relationship, I am. Ergo, you have no say in anything that happens between me and Stephanie.
Sheldon: I'm afraid I can't allow that. Pursuant to Starfleet General Order 104 Section A, you are deemed unfit and I hereby relieve you of your command.
Leonard: General Order 104, Section A does not apply in this situation.
Sheldon: Give me one good reason why not.
Leonard: Because this is not Star Trek
Scene: Outside Penny's door.
Sheldon (Knock, knock, knock) : Penny (knock, knock, knock) Penny (knock, knock, knock) Penny.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: This is banana bread.
Penny: This is a door knob.
Sheldon: It's my understanding that an unsolicited gift of food can be a precursor to an impromptu invitation to come in and chat.
Penny: Sheldon, would you like to come in?
Sheldon: I suppose I could spare a few minutes. Were you robbed?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: How can you be sure?
Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?
Sheldon: I'm certain this will come as no surprise to you, but Leonard is failing in yet another relationship.
Penny: He's having problems with Stephanie?
Sheldon: She's sending virtual livestock to random men on the internet. If I have any hope of keeping them together, I need data. Specifically, I need to know exactly what Leonard did that caused you to pop an emotional cap in his buttocks.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: Again, urban slang. In which, I believe I'm gaining remarkable fluency. So, what is the down and the low? And don't worry, this is all entirely confidential, so, you feel free to include any and all shortcomings in the bedroom.
Penny: We never got to the bedroom.
Sheldon: Because?
Penny: Oh, okay, all right, you know what? I'll tell you what happened. We were young, we were very much in love, but we could only communicate through a time-traveling mailbox at my lake house.
Sheldon: It's not enough that you made me watch that movie, but now you mock me with it?
Scene: The university cafeteria.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Sheldon: Gentlemen, I have a question about dating and relationships.
Raj: You told me you were going to have the talk with him.
Howard: I've been waiting for someone to have the talk with me.
Sheldon: More to the point, it's about finding a way to keep Leonard and Stephanie together.
Howard: Oh, I don't think you can.
Sheldon: Well, why not?
Howard: Look at Leonard's record. 27 days with Joyce Kim.
Raj: During which she defected to North Korea.
Howard: Two booty calls with Leslie Winkle.
Raj: For which she awarded him the nickname "speed of light Leonard."
Howard: And a three hour dinner with Penny.
Raj: Which would have been two and a half if they ordered the souffle when they sat down.
Howard: Based on the geometric progression, his relationship with Stephanie should have ended after 20 minutes.
Sheldon: Yes, I'm aware of the math, Y equals 27 days over 12 to the nth, the issue remains, how do we circumvent his inevitable rejection?
Raj: Well, if you want to guarantee his appeal to Stephanie, your best bet would be to kill all the other men on the planet.
Howard: I'll tell you what you shouldn't do. Don't spritz him with that body spray from the commercial where the women undress when they smell it, that doesn't work at all, no matter how much you put on.
Sheldon: So, that's all you've got? Apocalyptic genocide and go easy on the cologne?
Howard: Yes.
Raj: Yeah.
Scene: Outside Penny's door.
Sheldon (Knock, knock, knock) : Penny (knock, knock, knock) Penny.
Penny: What?
Sheldon (Knock, knock, knock) : Penny. Zucchini bread.
Penny: Oh, thank you.
Sheldon: May I come in?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: I see. Apparently my earlier inquiry regarding you and Leonard crossed some sort of line. I apologize.
Penny: Well, thank you.
Sheldon: So, have you and I returned to a social equilibrium?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Great. New topic. Where are you in your menstrual cycle?
Penny: What?
Sheldon: I've been doing some research online, and apparently female primates, you know, uh, apes, chimpanzees, you, they find their mate more desirable when he's being courted by another female. Now, this effect is intensified when the rival female is secreting the pheromones associated with ovulation. Which brings me back to my question, where are you in (Penny slams door). Clearly, I'm 14 days too early.
Scene: The apartment.
Leonard: All I'm saying is if they can cure yellow fever and malaria, why can't they do something about lactose intolerance?
Steph: Leonard, you're going to have to let this go. You had a little cheese dip, you farted, I thought it was cute.
Sheldon: Oh, hi Stephanie.
Steph: Hi.
Leonard: Want some more wine?
Steph: Yeah, I assume I'm not driving anywhere tonight. (Sheldon lets out a loud noise).
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I have a craving for white asparagus that apparently is destined to go unsatisfied.
Leonard: Excuse me. What the hell is wrong with you?
Sheldon: I'm helping you with Stephanie.
Leonard: By making constipated moose sounds?
Sheldon: When I fail to open this jar and you succeed it will establish you as the alpha male. You see, when a female witnesses an exhibition of physical domination she produces the hormone oxytocin. If the two of you then engage in intercourse this will create the biochemical reaction in the brain which lay people naively interpret as falling in love.
Leonard: Huh? Would it work if I just punched you in the face?
Sheldon: Yes, actually it would, but let's see how the lid goes. I'm not strong enough, Leonard, you'll have to do it.
Leonard: Oh, for god's sakes.
Sheldon: Go ahead, it's pre-loosened.
Steph: Do you want some help with that?
Leonard: No, no, no, I got it.
Sheldon: No, yeah, yeah, he's got it, and that's not surprising. This is something I long ago came to peace with in my role as the beta male. Open it. (Leonard tries again. Then taps jar on counter. Jar breaks.)
Steph: Oh my god, are you okay?
Leonard: No, I'm not. I'm bleeding.
Sheldon: Like a gladiator!
Steph: Oh, honey, you're going to need stitches.
Leonard: Stitches? With a needle?
Steph: Well, yeah, I mean, just a few.
Leonard: Oh, okay, yeah, hang on a sec. (Throws up in sink)
Sheldon: FYI, I was defrosting a steak in there.
Scene: The hospital.
Sheldon: What a beautiful job Stephanie did. I might have gone with a mattress suture instead of a blanket stitch, but you can't argue with her results. It's a shame it won't scar, the war wound is a time-honoured badge of masculinity.
Leonard: I can't remember a time when you weren't talking.
Sheldon: Just for the record, my efforts to establish you as the alpha male were not aided by you bursting into tears.
Leonard: I did not burst into tears, my eyes just got a little watery.
Sheldon: Watery?
Leonard: She stuck a needle into my hand!
Steph: Hey, how's my big cry baby?
Leonard: I didn't cry.
Steph: Okay, I'm just teasing you. But, yeah, you did. Alright, it's all good. what do you say we get you home and put you to bed?
Leonard: Oh, are you still going to spend the night?
Steph: Uh, no, I think that you probably need to rest.
Sheldon: She's right, as long as you're vomiting, coitus is contra-indicated.
Leonard: Thank you, Dr. Cooper.
Sheldon: You're welcome, Dr. Hofstadter.
Steph: Okay, I'm going to go get your discharge papers.
Leonard (after Sheldon tuts): What?
Sheldon: Well, you seem like a perfectly pleasant person. I just can't understand why women have such a hard time loving you.
Scene: The Apartment.
Leonard: Hey, can you open this for me?
Raj: Can I see your stitches?
Leonard: Sure. (Holds out hand. Howard starts to retch).
Raj: Answering the question once and for all why Wolowitz bailed out of medical school.
Penny (entering): Leonard, congratulations.
Leonard: What for?
Penny: Your facebook status update. Leonard Hofstadter is in a relationship.
Leonard: What? no. no, that's not right.
Howard: Oh, man, did you switch your status before she did? Speaking as an expert, way to look needy.
Penny: Seriously? You went first, after only two weeks? That's bold.
Leonard: It's not bold, it's a mistake. I didn't change my status.
Penny: Well, then who did?
Sheldon: I had no choice, he cried in front of her.
Leonard: You hacked my facebook account?
Sheldon: Oh, it's hardly hacking when you use the same password for everything, Kal-el.
Leonard: Are you insane? Now she's going to think I'm desperate. You've destroyed this relationship! And you want to know what the worst part is? You don't even understand what you did wrong because you can't conceive of something that you are not an expert in!
Sheldon: In which I am not an expert.
Leonard: Don't even! I don't want to hear another word out of you. Penny (after Raj lets out a noise): What's wrong, Lassie? Timmy fall down the well? (He points) Oh, wow. She just updated her facebook status.
Howard: Stephanie Barnett is in a relationship with Leonard Hofstadter."
Leonard: Really? Oh, look at that, I have a girlfriend.
Sheldon: If I am permitted to speak again, Dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win. | Plan: A: Sheldon; Q: Who hacked Leonard's Facebook account? A: medical doctor Stephanie; Q: Who is the only "tolerable" girlfriend Leonard ever had? A: Leonard; Q: Who did Sheldon think would ruin Stephanie's relationship? A: Sheldon's Enterprise crew; Q: What crew does Sheldon think Stephanie would be a good doctor for? A: his relationship; Q: What does Sheldon try to help Leonard with? A: the couple; Q: What does Sheldon join when they have a romantic dinner and go to the movies? A: Stephanie's presence; Q: In what environment did Sheldon want Leonard to open a jar of white asparagus? A: his physical strength; Q: What does Sheldon want Leonard to emphasize to Stephanie? A: the necessary stitches; Q: What does Stephanie give Leonard after he accidentally cuts himself? A: her hospital; Q: Where does Stephanie give Leonard stitches after he accidentally shatters the jar? A: his Facebook account; Q: What did Sheldon hack to change Leonard's status to "In a relationship"? A: Howard; Q: Who says that Sheldon's intervention makes Leonard appear desperate? A: only two weeks; Q: How long had Leonard and Stephanie been dating? A: Leonard Hofstadter; Q: Who did Stephanie Barnett change her Facebook status to? A: the improved developments; Q: What did Sheldon find pleasing about Leonard and Stephanie's relationship? A: Dr. Sheldon Cooper; Q: Who did Sheldon proclaim was the winner in the relationship between Leonard and Stephanie? Summary: Sheldon regards medical doctor Stephanie as the only "tolerable" girlfriend Leonard ever had, and also the ideal doctor for Sheldon's Enterprise crew, so he tries to help Leonard with his relationship, fearing Leonard will ruin it. However, Sheldon dismays Leonard by joining the couple when they have a romantic dinner and go to the movies. Believing that Leonard is losing Stephanie, Sheldon wants Leonard to open a recalcitrant jar of white asparagus in Stephanie's presence to emphasize his physical strength. However, Leonard accidentally shatters the jar, cutting himself. Stephanie gives him the necessary stitches at her hospital and later tells him she will not be sleeping with him that night as planned, as he needs rest. At home, Leonard finds Sheldon hacked his Facebook account and changed his status to "In a relationship" and yells at him for attempting to intervene in a relationship in which he has no experience. Howard says this, after only two weeks, makes Leonard appear desperate, but Raj then discovers Stephanie apparently changed her status to "Stephanie Barnett is in a relationship with Leonard Hofstadter". Sheldon, delighted at the improved developments in Leonard's and Stephanie's relationship at his intervention, proclaims "Dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win." |
Opening scene - We see the outsideOpening scene - We see an aerial shot of some houses then the pier and finally we see Zach, Ryan and Seth walking on the pier and talking
Seth: so what'do I do
Zach: what'do you wanna do
Seth: (points to himself) what I wanna do is drive over to her apartment right now an just ask her flat out, Alex are we in a relationship or are we not
Zach: good man you should do it
Ryan: (to Zach) he's not doin it
Seth: Ryan, its ben almost a week ok an I still don�t know where Alex stands (Ryan looks at him) is she back together with her lesbian ex, an if so are they open to some sort of...m�nage a three way as in the film summer lovers
Zach: ooooh I didn�t even think'a that
Seth: yeah, well I did, quite a bit...actually
Ryan: if you have to wonder about it, it�s probably not happening
Seth: (frowns) which part, the threesome or the relationship
(they now walk inside the diner)
Zach: so you never had like a moments doubt about you an Lindsay
Ryan: (flip) not really
Seth: (coughs) denial uh-hm (Ryan looks at him) is there pollen in here or somethin...
Ryan: alright there may'a ben a moment
Seth: (coughs again) llllliiiiiaaarrrr
(Zach sits down at the booth)
Ryan: (looks at Seth) or two (sits down)
Zach: so what'd you do
Seth: (sits) he showed up on Lindsay�s door step an he said he�s not goin anywhere until she gave him a shot
Zach: that�s what you should do dude, you should go to Alex (Seth listens) but instead of asking her what she wants you tell her what you want
Seth: (thinks) ...is that how it works with you an Summer
Zach: (frowns) or...you should jus focus on the good stuff in your life, like school (Seth thinks) or comics
Seth: hmm
Zach: yeah I got nothin
Seth: but least I got my friends
Ryan: yeah
(Summer walks over to them)
Summer: well if it isn�t the three amigos (sits next to Zach) hey
Zach: hola (they kiss)
Summer: i'm so hungry (Seth looks down, sad) the step monster keeps eating my zone breakfast
(Lindsay comes over)
Lindsay: hey
Ryan: hey
Lindsay: you didn�t order yet did you
(Seth puts a finger up to Lindsay, then stands so she can sit down)
Ryan: no you�re just in time
Lindsay: (to Seth) thanks (sits)
Ryan: (to Seth) hey c'mon we can squeeze you in
Seth: no it�s ok...I�m gonna see you guys later
Ryan: oh, n-n-no where're you goin
Seth: (walking away) (puts fist in the air) ta get what I want!
(Ryan looks at Zach worried, Seth looks back from the door of the diner and the 4 of them are happy and laughing together. Seth feels left out)
Opening theme - California by Phantom planet Cohen kitchen - Sandy is at the table reading the paper and Kirsten is leaning over the counter
Sandy: (off screen) husband seeking to satisfy wife�s curiosity, enjoys t-, ooooh (on screen) careful (turns the page) oh here�s one honey, it�s a guest house, close to the beach it�s got parking fridge an hook-ups
Kirsten: why're you looking for a guest house when you need an office
Sandy: oh you can turn a guest house into a great office plus this one has hook-ups
Kirsten: (walks over to Sandy) this high rise office complex has panoramic ocean an country club views
Sandy: oh it sounds like Partridge Savage an Con, where is it
Kirsten: right next to Partridge Savage an Con (Sandy laughs) least your old clients will know where ta find you
Sandy: oh I�m not takin any'a my corporate clients with me, now that I�m on my own i'm-i'm goin back inta the public interest stuff, stuff that made me wanna be a lawyer in the first place
Kirsten: you can still be a public interest lawyer in a private sector office
Sandy: this guest house is eight fifty a month how much is yours
Kirsten: I can get ya a deal through my office
Sandy: (stubborn) no thankyou...well I gotta go meet my realtor (stands)
Kirsten: (worried) maybe I should go with you
Sandy: oh no, no, no, no ill be fine its-it�s the same lady who got Jimmy his bachelour pad
Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) right, I�m going with ya (walks away)
(Sandy picks up the paper)
CUT TO: Caleb�s mansion - we see an outside view of the house, and hear loud music, then we are inside Marissa�s room. she's in PJs drinking and dancing to the music, she goes over to her dresser and puts her drink down. opens a drawer and pulls out a flask. we hear knocking at the door but Marissa doesn�t hear it, she continues dancing, and pours some of the flasks contents into her glass of juice. Caleb walks in
Caleb: Marissa
(Marissa turns around, shocked. Caleb looks away. Marissa puts the flask away then covers her chest with her arms as best she can)
Marissa: what're you doing in here
Caleb: yeah I�m sorry I heard the music...you�re not at school
Marissa: yeah your not at work (turns the music off)
Caleb: ah no I�m...running late, I�m down to my last clean shirt an we're out of coffee (Marissa grabs her gown) when your mother leaves town my life goes to pieces
Marissa: yeah well you should'a gone with her, you seem like you could use the vacation (puts her gown on)
Caleb: she�s not on vacation she�s...doing research, for the magazine
Marissa: she�s in Europe doing research for a magazine about Orange County
Caleb: do you need a ride to school
Marissa: oh uh-hm I�m not going, I�m...not feeling so well
Caleb: sorry to hear that, ill tell you what ill uh ill call my physician have him drop in on you after lunch
Marissa: oh...that�s ok, you know I figured I should probably just stay home an rest incase you know its (coughs) Wes Nile or something
Caleb: alright well ill be in my office all day if you need me...ill call in an check up on you
Marissa: (coughs more) I may not pick up you know ill just be sleeping'
(Caleb leaves and Marissa drops the act, she picks up the phone that is beside her bed. we see a phone ringing somewhere else, we can hear water running in the background)
Alex: (sleepy) hello
(we see Marissa now lying on her bed, smiling)
Marissa: so what're we doing today
Alex: (smiles) I�m sleeping
Marissa: nooo your not, we're going ta breakfast an then we're going shopping
(Alex lies back on her couch, while talking)
Alex: (laughs) don�t you have school
Marissa: yeah but my moms in Europe an my step-dads completely clueless
Alex: aren�t you sick of me yet, we've hung out every single day this week
Marissa: no, why, are you sick of me
Alex: no, no of course not it�s just um...Jody�s still here
Marissa: I thought she was going back to LA
Alex: yeah yeah she was she was but um...we got inta this huge fight an then (knock at the door)
Marissa: (sits up) an then you spent the rest of the night making up
Alex: (sits up) who's knocking on my door at nine in the morning
Marissa: yeah right, saved by the bell (raises eyebrows)
Alex: are you calling me from outside (walks to the door) my door (smiles) because that (opens the door) would be (Seth is standing there) creepy
Seth: ah good to see you to, Alex
Alex: Seth
Marissa: (suprised) Seth
Alex: (to Marissa) can I call you back (hangs up) (to Seth) (annoyed) doesn�t anyone go to school anymore!
Seth: listen I�m sorry to wake you I (frowns) do I hear water running
Alex: yes...Jody�s taking a shower
Seth: oh j-Jody, Jody�s still here (Alex looks at him) oh, oh that�s great, that�s fantastic, least you�re not takin a shower together
Alex: (closes her eyes) look
Seth: listen I jus need'a know where I stand ok
Alex: Seth I told you I just...I don�t do relationships
Seth: yeah well ya did Jody, so to speak
Alex: yes an look how well that turned out
(a wet Jody comes to the door)
Jody: what is that suppose'ta mean
Seth: Jody
Jody: Seth (Seth smiles)
Alex: I�m sorry I would've introduced you guys but...I didn�t want you ta meet I�m going back ta bed (to Seth) I�m sorry (to Jody) I�m sorry (walks away, puts her hands in the air helplessly)
(Jody looks at Seth)
Seth: (sighs) you maybe wanna grab breakfast (Jody shuts the door) we could go down to the uh there�s (door slams)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Lindsay and Ryan are in a class together. they are watching slides of volcanoes
Teacher: which you see in the centre of the diagram here an multi angles here (bell rings) ok (lights go on) alright see you next time
Lindsay: so are Kirsten an Sandy gonna care that Seth skipped first period (packs up)
Ryan: there not gonna be excited about it but there pretty easy going (packs up)
Lindsay: really, Kirsten is
Ryan: Sandy is, Kirsten�s more-
Lindsay: like her dad
(they both stand)
Ryan: in some ways I guess
Lindsay: hmm, am I...I mean he�s my dad to so
Ryan: is...this a trick question
Lindsay: nooo (Ryan smiles) its just y'know uh I don�t know him...an you do so...why is he a monster
Ryan: ah well...he�s not the greatest person in the world...ta me anyway, he um thinks I�m after the Cohen�s money (Lindsay looks at him) yeah I know (Lindsay laughs) but other then that he�s great (looks at Lindsay) you should call him
Lindsay: an say what, hi dad it�s your illegitimate daughter wanna have lunch
Ryan: you could always have Kirsten talk to him for you
Lindsay: yeaaah...she has...a couple'a times (Ryan looks worried) so he'll call right, I mean-I mean he�s got to sooner or later
Ryan: yeah, right, sooner or later (smiles)
(Lindsay looks worried, the bell rings and she walks away, Ryan looks as though he�s thinking, then follows)
CUT TO: The guest house - The realtor lets Kirsten and Sandy in to look around, it�s a 'fixer upper' for sure
Gail: at the moment this is the only beach adjacent property we have in your price range Mr. Cohen (tries to turn the fan on, it doesn�t work) as you can see it�s a bit of a fixer upper
Kirsten: that�s one way to put it
Sandy: who're you kiddin Gail this place is a first class dump (looks around) an I like it
Kirsten: (walks over to Sandy) Sandy no you don�t, you jus like the idea of having an office near the beach so you can surf between clients
Sandy: I hadn�t even thought'a that! (his phone rings)
Kirsten: Sandy this is a surf shack not a law office
Sandy: that�s exactly why I like it (answers) hello...MAX, unbelievable how are ya (to Kirsten) it�s my Professor from law school (to Max) no no now�s a great time, I�m jus movin inta my new office (Kirsten is shocked) ill be right back
Kirsten: Sandy you�re moving in!
Sandy: (to Gloria) ill take it (walks outside) so what're you doin in town...really...everything ok...(nods) I understand...we can talk about it when ya get here
CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer and Zach walk into the student lounge and stand at the counter. Summer waves to someone, and we see that it�s Seth sitting alone on a couch drawing, he looks sad and does a small wave back before drawing again
Summer: (frowns) what�s up with Cohen
Zach: I guess it didn�t go well with Alex
Summer: she broke up with him
(we see Seth drawing again, but his face is screwed up)
Zach: I don�t know, maybe
Summer: well why don�t you go find out! an then report back to me (Zach smiles)
Zach: (walks over to Seth) so, how'd it go (sits)
Seth: uh-hm well...the good news is she told Jody to get the hell out to so
Zach: ...I�m sorry man
Seth: thanks, it�s alright
Zach: well at least now you can get back to your life, right
Seth: ah...I don�t have a life, remember
Zach: then you should get one, do something for you, go sailing
Seth: alright
Zach: continue to doodle
Seth: ok
Zach: (takes the sketch book) whoa, Cohen, this is what you should be doing
(the picture is of Alex holding a whip, in a skimpy outfit)
Seth: what, drawing the women who've wronged me as whip wielding warrior princesses
Zach: yeah, in your own comic!
Seth: yeah, ok
Zach: dude, you�re awesome
(Summer comes up behind them carrying 3 coffees)
Seth: I appreciate it
Summer: hey
Seth: hey
Summer: Cohen, I got you a double latte (hands it to him) because you looked sad
Seth: thanks
Zach: Cohen�s gonna do his own comic
Summer: he is
Seth: uh no I don�t- well I don�t know I its-
Zach: (excited) what're you talking about man, do you not wanna do it
Seth: (unsure) no I do sort of I jus-
Zach: well then let�s bounce some ideas around man, study hall right now let�s go (Summer doesn�t look happy)
Seth: alright lets do it
Zach: ok (to Summer) thanks for the coffee Summer (stands)
Seth: (stands) yeah thankyou, very much
Summer: (shrugs) your welcome...
CUT TO: Alex's room - Marissa is sitting on her bed reading Mojo, Alex puts her jacket on and is standing beside the bed
Marissa: so...you an Seth are...
Alex: friends...I hope (Marissa nods) someday
Marissa: an you an Jody are...
Alex: over, finished, for good
Marissa: really, how does she feel about that
Alex: (sits at her dresser) um, she hates me now but I mean we mean to much to each other to let (looks through her jewelry) that bitch (Marissa sits forward) she stole my necklace
Marissa: which one
Alex: we bought each other these matching heart shaped necklaces like a year ago an mines gone, I can�t believe her!
Marissa: well, how d'you know she took it
Alex: because, she was using the fact that I still wear mine as a sign that I�m not over her, which I am I just...I loved it
Marissa: well so (moves to the edge) lets go get it
Alex: you wanna go to LA, now (Marissa shrugs) I cant I have work
Marissa: so we'll go tomorrow (raises eyebrows)
Alex: how you have school (smiles)
Marissa: no, I have a mom who's spa hopping an a step dad who doesn�t care about anyone but himself (Alex thinks) come on, you can�t let her steal your heart (Alex smiles)
CUT TO: Caleb�s office - Caleb is standing near his desk with the phone to his ear, we hear the answering machine message
Answering machine: Julie: at the tone please leave a message for either Julie Caleb or Marissa, we'll get back to you as soon as we can (beep)
(Caleb hangs up the phone then sits down at his desk. he looks at some paperwork and then we hear a knock at the door. he looks up and we see it is Ryan)
Caleb: Kirsten�s not here
Ryan: (slowly walks in) I�m...actually here to see you...if you have a second
Caleb: (cold) I don�t (looks back at his paperwork)
Ryan: it�s about Lindsay
Caleb: (looks up) ...shut the door (Ryan shuts the door) what about her
Ryan: (walks over to Caleb) she�s ben asking questions about you, who you are what your like, an even though I told her she still wants to get to know you
Caleb: she sent you here to tell me this
Ryan: she has no idea I�m here I jus...thought maybe I should-
Caleb: continue to position yourself between me an members of my family (Ryan doesn�t say anything) Ryan if I wanted a relationship with Lindsay I would have one
Ryan: funny that�s what she said
Caleb: smart girl
Ryan: you have no idea (Caleb looks at him) you should though (goes to leave)
Caleb: how�s your relationship with your father Ryan (Ryan stops) he still in jail
Ryan: (nods) an you would be to if it weren�t for Sandy (smirks) so I guess Lindsay an I are both better off, thankyou so much for your time (leaves)
(Caleb stares at the door, thinking)
CUT TO: Sandy�s new office at night - Sandy is moving some boxes around, and in the doorway we can see the shadow of Max standing there
Max: I was under the impression that (Sandy turns around) you'd become a successful lawyer
Sandy: (stunned) oh my god (smiles) how are you Max (hugs Max)
Max: (smiles) ah its hard ta believe its ben over twenty years since you were my favourite student
Sandy: it is so good to see you, well come on inta my uh (points) (laughs) my new office (Max laughs) so uh hell what'a you ben up to
Max: well I uh (sighs) lets see I, I left Berkeley
Sandy: mm-hmm
Max: I moved to Princeton
Sandy: oh
Max: I am retired now
Sandy: congratulations...so what brings you here
Max: (sighs) (serious) Sandy I need your help...I have'ta find Rebecca
Sandy: ...well why now, after all this time
Max: (sits) well Sandy i've um...I�ve got a couple of strokes an the uh doctors told me that I uh...should get my affairs in order (Sandy listens) soon as possible...I-I just wanna be able to see my daughter once again before...
Sandy: I understand, well you know I haven�t heard a thing since she ran away to Canada...twenty two years ago, you haven�t heard from her
Max: no, no, no she an I weren�t exactly on speaking terms even, even before the uh...accident (Sandy closes his eyes, nods) I-I just thought that if she'd get in touch with anybody Sandy it'd be you...you were the love of her life
Sandy: ...that was a long time ago...we were kids
Max: no she loved you Sandy (Sandy looks at him) now will you help me find her
Sandy: ill see what I can do
Max: (sighs) thankyou Sandy
(they both stand)
Max: you know I hate ta-ta stir up things when you have a wife an a family an
Sandy: no my-my wife'll understand
Max: (sighs) will she
(Sandy looks at Max)
CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is sitting on the bed, and Sandy is getting ready for work
Kirsten: you�re going to prison
Sandy: oh jus for the day, I have'ta drive to Santa Barbara to LOMPOC to see a prisoner there
Kirsten: who
Sandy: this political activist I knew back in my Berkeley days Joe Zucasky but ill be back before dinner
Kirsten: what'do you have to talk to him about
Sandy: oh you know a missing person, doin a favor for a friend
Kirsten: your old law school professor
Sandy: yeah
Kirsten: hm, who's missing
Sandy: ...Rebecca
Kirsten: (shocked) as in Rebecca Bloom, love of your life
Sandy: she is not the love of my life
Kirsten: Sandy, you were engaged ta be married
Sandy: we were engaged to be engaged
Kirsten: until she burned down a nuclear lab site
Sandy: we do not know that she did that for sure
Kirsten: Sandy she fled the country
Sandy: well I know...but her dad is dying an he asked me to find her for him...he was my mentor in law school, I wouldn�t be a lawyer if it weren�t for him...(shakes his head) I can�t say no
Kirsten: well what're you gonna do when you find her
Sandy: if I find her I�m gonna try an convince her to turn herself in an you know let the case go to trial
CUT TO: Caleb�s mansion - we can hear loud music again, and Caleb is banging on Marissa's door he waits and nobody answers so he knocks again before walking in. Marissa is sitting at her dresser putting on lipstick
Caleb: well, it seems someone is feeling better today
Marissa: not really
Caleb: sorry to hear that (turns the music off) (Marissa puts on her jacket) you know I called several times ta check up on you yesterday
Marissa: huh, I must'a ben asleep
Caleb: an then I came home last night and you weren�t here, I was worried (car horn)
Marissa: gotta go
Caleb: where
Marissa: (walking towards the door) out... to the doctor
Caleb: (stern) Marissa come back here
Marissa: (turns around) or what...your not my father Cal, you know what if you wanna parent someone why don�t you go over to Lindsay�s house an ruin her life (Caleb looks at her) ...oh that�s right, you already have...don�t wait up (leaves)
(Caleb looks as though he�s thinking)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan, Seth and Zach are in study hall discussing Seth�s comic book
Ryan: so what�s it about
Seth: oh uh n (frowns) heroes an you know villains
Zach: good an evil
Seth: sure, darkness an then you have light
Ryan: you guys have no idea do you
Seth: um not so much really but you have to admit, its pretty excitin our very own comic book
Ryan: yeah
Zach: hey it could be autobiographical (Ryan looks at him)
Seth: yeah it could, yeah the life of like a young Jewish boy growing up in Orange County I like it very much already
Zach: a young Jewish boy with powers
Seth: sure no yeah a kid with a secret
Zach: in a town full of secrets
Ryan: fist fights, fashions shows
(Summer walks in and watches them)
Seth: sure exactly basically life in Orange County
Zach: but with powers
Seth: I like it alot an-
Summer: what've you done to my boyfriend
Seth: kay look it was his idea in the first place
Zach: and we just had a major break through
Seth: yeah we did
Summer: oooh sweetie, do you realise how lame you just sounded (Zach frowns)
Seth: n-now Summer if you�re not nice, somebody�s not gonna be in the comic
Summer: oooh, yeah, shakin in my boots Cohen (to Zach) sweetie (kisses Zach's cheek) I will see you out front after school
Zach: um...actually we're working uh after school, but I would love to uh you know hang out with you a little bit later...um perhaps dinner and a movie
Summer: well I guess just not a comic book movie
Seth: shh, comic book movies suck anyways
Ryan: true
Zach: dude you didn�t like X2 (Seth makes a please motion) really
Seth: I�ve seen better
Summer: what have you done to him, I swear to god Cohen, by the time the sun goes down if brainstorming boy here doesn�t turn back inta my boyfriend-
at the same time:
Seth: brainstorming boy, brainstorming lad
Zach: brainstorming
(Summer gives up and leaves)
Seth: lets work with this, brainstorming kid, brainstorming young ward with a secret identity which is, at night he�s brainstorming man an what that is, is he�s a genius
CUT TO: Caleb�s office - Caleb is sitting at his desk, and Kirsten is standing up talking to him
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kirsten: the contracts have ben ? twice so I jus need you to sign (Caleb doesn�t acknowledge her) dad, are you ok
Caleb: yeah I�m fine, sorry uh-hm...you take good care of me Kiki, better then I deserve
Kirsten: what'does that mean
Caleb: it means I haven�t always ben the best father
Kirsten: pretty much...(raises eyebrows) no
Caleb: ...are you still in touch with Lindsay
Kirsten: yeah, are you
Caleb: no, no she didn�t ever bother calling me
Kirsten: dad, she�s in high school (writes down her number) if you wanna hear from Lindsay, you have'ta call her (hands Caleb the number)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Lindsay and Ryan are near the lockers, they are walking
Lindsay: uh you were right, Caleb Nichol is not a good guy
Ryan: why what happened, he call you
Lindsay: no but I...A 9 dot commed him last night an according to the OC weekly he�s pretty much everything that�s wrong with western civilisation all wrapped up in one guy (Ryan smiles) (phone rings) so...even if he did call me its (looks at her phone) oh my god, he�s calling me it says The Newport Group, why is he calling me
Ryan: (waves it off) no its not it�s probably Kirsten (walks away)
Lindsay: right uh...sorry (answers) (laughs) hey Kirsten
(we see Caleb inside his office, on the phone)
Caleb: Lindsay, Caleb Nichol...I was thinking its time you an I sat down
(back at Harbor. Ryan is inside a class room and a dazed Lindsay walks in. Ryan moves 2 chairs over to their desk)
Ryan: what was that about
Lindsay: um...it was Caleb (Ryan looks at her) he wants to have dinner tonight
Ryan: you�re kidding
Lindsay: ...will you come with me (hopeful)
Ryan: (half smiles) I don�t think that�s a good idea
Lindsay: please...I�m not gonna go without you
Ryan: (sighs) he�s not gonna be happy about this
Lindsay: do you really care about Caleb Nichols happiness
Ryan: I care about yours
Lindsay: well then I...will see you tonight
(Lindsay walks away and Ryan looks worried)
CUT TO: Alex and Marissa driving in Alex's jeep - Alex is driving and Marissa in the passenger seat, they are listening to music
Marissa: (noticing a tattoo on Alex's arm) so what'does the butterfly mean
Alex: (looks at it) oh um...it means, I was drunk (laughs)
Marissa: (laughs) no way
Alex: yeah I was drunk, I had just gotten emancipated from my parents an the words mum an dad with a huge X through them was way too expendent
Marissa: (suprised) you got emancipated (Alex nods) I thought only child stars did that
Alex: yep, me Hillary Duff an Lil bow wow
Marissa: (laughs) wait so how did you do it
Alex: I petitioned the court, I had my parents sign the form which they were more then happy to do when they found out about me an Jody (Marissa listens) and um...that was it, I was free
Marissa: wow, wish I could do that
Alex: piss your parents off bad enough
Marissa: believe me I�ve tried
Alex: well then I guess (looks at Marissa) they really love you
Marissa: (thinks) d'you ever miss yours
Alex: (nods) sometimes but...my friends are my family (shrugs) you know (smiles)
Marissa: (feels the same) mm-hmm (smiles) I know
(they both smile and listen to the music)
CUT TO: The prison - a guard brings out the guy who Sandy wants to see. Sandy paces as he waits
Guard: lets open up eight
Joe: Sandy Cohen, couldn�t believe it when they told me
Sandy: how are ya Joe (sits)
Joe: well not as good as you, you look good, successful, what happened you sell out
Sandy: no actually I did fifteen years in the public defenders office
Joe: (nods) good for you, maybe you can work me up an appeal, get me outta here
Sandy: how...you confessed
Joe: to an act'a civil disobedience...not manslaughter
Sandy: you set the place on fire...an a man died
Joe: it was an accident, the custodian wasn�t suppose'ta be there you know that (Sandy doesn�t say anything) like any'a that matters now, what'do you want Sandy
Sandy: ...I�m lookin for Rebecca
Joe: (smiles) Sandy Cohen has come to me looking for Rebecca
Sandy: oh let it go...this isn�t about you an me
Joe: (sits forward) when it comes to Rebecca, it�s always ben about you an me
Sandy: well not anymore
Joe: ok...then what�s this about
Sandy: her father...he�s sick he�s lookin for her
Joe: I tell you what...he can look as far an wide as he wants to...he�s never gonna find her
Sandy: so your not gonna help me
Joe: oh I can�t help you Sandy...Rebecca...she�s dead
(Sandy stares at Joe, stunned)
CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy and Kirsten are sitting at the table together
Kirsten: (in disbelief) she�s dead (Sandy nods, dazed) I�m so sorry...I can�t believe this...
Sandy: I can�t believe it either (stands) (dials a number)
Kirsten: are you calling Max
Sandy: uh no an old friend'a mine, one of the guys in the group, he�s a lawyer now in Vancouver (in the phone) hello yes uh directory assistance for Vancouver please
Kirsten: (confused) but why what're you gonna find out
Sandy: (phone) yes please id like the number for Mark Denham D-E-N-H-A-M, thankyou (to Kirsten) well if she was sick, there'd be insurance forms or hospital records or something (Kirsten looks at Sandy, worried) an god forbid if she were dead...there'd be a death certificate (writes down the number)
Kirsten: so you don�t think she�s dead
Sandy: (hangs up) (confused) I can�t believe that if she were dying she wouldn�t try'ta contact her dad
Kirsten: or you...
(Sandy doesn�t say anything, then walks away, Kirsten drinks her wine. she puts it on the table and pushes it away)
CUT TO: LA at night - Marissa and Alex are outside the front of Jody�s place
Alex: ok we're jus gonna get what we came for an then get the hell outta here alright
Marissa: are you alright, you seem nervous
Alex: no, I�m not I jus- don�t let her intimidate you ok an-an let me do all the talking...and uh...don�t mention anything about the necklace (nods)
(they are at the door now)
Marissa: I thought you were over her
Alex: I am, I am I jus (Marissa doesn�t look convinced) don�t let her talk me into staying the night
Marissa: you can�t (looks at Alex) you have'ta take me home
Alex: (points) right, good one, remember that (rings the doorbell)
(Jody answers the door)
Jody: (smiles) I had a feeling it might (sees Marissa) what is she doing here
(Alex looks at Marissa, then Jody. she can�t talk. Marissa looks at Jody then Alex, Alex looks at Marissa and Marissa has a "well" expression. Alex still can�t say anything)
Marissa: (to Jody) we came to get Alex's stuff
(Jody nods and looks at Alex, Alex looks at Jody)
Marissa: (looks at Alex) an we're not staying
Jody: if you say so (motions for them to go in)
(Alex walks inside, Marissa follows and Jody shuts the door behind them)
CUT TO: Seth�s bedroom - he is sitting on his bed working on his comic version of himself. Ryan comes in
Ryan: hey
Seth: hhhhheeeey Brian Gatwood aka kid Chino, a strong but silent youth from the wrong side'a the tracks who, when provoked unleashes his fists of fury
Ryan: hmm
(Ryan is dressed in a fancy suit and tie. Seth notices)
Seth: maybe we should change your super hero name to over dressed lad
Ryan: uh Lindsay asked me to be the buffer tonight between her an Caleb
Seth: w- I thought we were workin'a night an Grampa hates you
Ryan: I told her that, she thought I was over reacting
Seth: well hey man, at least you show up on his radar, he once asked my mom if I was mildly retarded
Ryan: ah well wait till he finds out about your powers
Seth: what powers, turns out I don�t make a very convincing super hero (holds up his drawing)
Ryan: oh you do have powers (points to a sketch book) hey can I see these
Seth: yeah sure uh-hm
(Ryan sits on the bed and looks at the sketches, they are the ones Seth did of Summer in Portland)
Ryan: uh...what're these
Seth: uh there just...sketches I did in Portland, the summer without Summer
Ryan: (worried) has Zach seen these
Seth: no I was gonna show him tonight
Ryan: no, no you are not, you are not gonna show these to Zach
Seth: dude there just drawings
Ryan: of a girl you were clearly obsessed with
Seth: (puts up his hand) ok first of all obsessed...pretty strong word (Ryan looks at him) maybe your right an...therefore I won�t show him
Ryan: there really good though (stands)
Seth: thanks, hey (Ryan looks) don�t let Grampa scare you alright, remember your Brian Gatwood fists of fury
(Ryan makes a fist and leaves the room. Seth closes the sketch book with his pencil)
CUT TO: Jody�s place - Marissa is standing by herself and Jody comes out holding 2 beers, she drinks from one
Jody: sure you don�t want a beer
Marissa: we have to drive back, tonight (raises eyebrows)
(Alex comes out)
Alex: ok so far I have found two t-shirts a bra an my fat jeans (drops it on the floor) what else do you have of mine
Jody: (shrugs) nothing I swear
Alex: so then you wouldn�t mind if I kept looking
Jody: oh you can look all night if you want
Alex: (to Marissa) I won�t be long (goes back in)
(Marissa looks where Alex just went, then looks at Jody)
Marissa: break ups...huh
Jody: (walks over to Marissa) get ready, you�re next
Marissa: oh...no...I�m not her
Jody: (smiles) I�m sure your not
Alex: (yells) my motorcycle boots
Jody: those are mine
(Marissa looks uncomfortable)
Alex: how can you say these are yours
Jody: because I bought them
Alex: ok see (picks up her stuff) that is your problem
Jody: ok here we go
Marissa: I�m gonna go to the bathroom (walks away)
(we see Marissa wandering around the house looking around and hear Jody and Alex in the background)
Jody: tell me what my problem is I can�t wait ta hear this
Alex: I don�t even know where'ta begin, you know what, keep my boots, keep my records its fine
Jody: it�s not fine
Alex: what're you talking about
Jody: you can't jus come in here an take all your stuff
Alex: actually i can
(Marissa is now in Jody�s room, she walks over to her bedside table and looks through her jewelry box. we cut back to Jody and Alex)
Alex: what'do you want from me
Jody: (sincerely) I want you ta stay (Alex closes her eyes, caving) (holds Alex around the waist) I wanna talk about what�s going on here
(Marissa comes back in, Alex looks at her)
Jody: (to Marissa) why don�t you take Alex�s jeep home, ill bring her back later
(Alex looks at Marissa)
Marissa: I...can�t
Jody: why not
Marissa: well d'you think I�m really gonna leave my girlfriend alone with you over night (Alex looks at Marissa)
Jody: I thought she wasn�t your girlfriend
Marissa: yeah well, think again
(Alex picks up her things and puts her arm around Marissa)
Alex: let�s go
(they walk out together, and Jody watches, shocked - we then see Marissa and Alex outside, walking back to the jeep)
Alex: ok that - was awesome
Marissa: (laughs) really, you think she bought it
Alex: are you kidding me she thought you an I were sleeping together when she met you at the club last week
Marissa: she did (gets in)
Alex: I defended your honour (gets in)
Marissa: (smiles) I appreciate that
Alex: are you kidding, I owe you so much, now I got my fat jeans, I got my CDs an who cares if I didn�t get-
(Marissa holds out Alex's heart necklace in her hand)
Alex: my heart, how did you (takes it)
Marissa: (grins) I�m sneaky like that (Alex laughs) and (holds out her other hand) now you have both
(Alex picks the other necklace up, stunned. she looks at Marissa and Marissa looks at Alex and smiles. Alex holds the necklace up so the heart dangles)
Alex: no (looks at Marissa) this ones yours
(Alex leans over and puts it around Marissa's neck. they look into each others eyes while she�s doing it up)
Marissa: (looks down) how�s it look (smiles)
Alex: (softly) good (smiles) ...guess we better get you home huh (puts her seat belt on)
Marissa: no (puts hers on) I have a better idea (raises eyebrows)
CUT TO: Seth�s bedroom - Zach is lying on Seth�s bed looking through Seth�s sketches. Seth is sitting on the edge of the bed watching
Seth: what'do you think
Zach: I think your like the missing link between...Jack Kirby an I don�t know Eric White
Seth: (smiles) hey, thanks man
(we can hear somebody on the stairs)
Summer: (yells) Zach (Zach frowns and gets off the bed) that is it I am pulling the plug you were spose'ta pick me up over an hour ago (hits Zach�s arm)
Zach: I know an I�m sorry but Seth an I were jus working-
Summer: I don�t wanna hear it, what're you guys like Cavalier an Gay
Seth: (laughs) that�s funny
Summer: I know
Zach: uh I�m sorry, listen Seth ill call ya (to Summer) we're leaving (goes to the door)
Summer: w-w-w wait-whoa no we're not (notices the sketches) is that suppose'ta be Marissa (puts her bag down and sits on the bed) Cohen did you do these (Seth doesn�t say anything) (turns the page, laughs) is that Ryan, Captain Oats (turns the page) is that you (turns page) well (turns more pages till there�s only blank paper) (frowns) where am I
Seth: not...finished yet, jus wanted'ta get the attitude right, there�s alotta attitude (Summer looks at him)
(we now see Summer, Zach and Seth coming down the stairs)
Zach: I think we made some good progress today
Seth: it�s definitely keeping my mind off girls
Summer: keep talking comics Cohen, I don�t think girls'll be an issue ever again (grins)
Seth: oooh she�s so supportive that�s why I like her (Zach smiles)
Summer: shoot, I left my purse upstairs ill be right back (goes back up the stairs)
Zach: we're gonna miss the movie
Summer: whose fault is that!
(we now see Summer going back into Seth�s room. she grabs her bag from the top of his bed and knocks Captain Oats off the table as she pulls it to her)
Summer: oh (bends down) hm sorry Captain Oats, hope you don�t pull up lame
(she picks up Captain Oats from under the bed, and notices Seth�s other sketch book. she pulls it out from under the bed and puts Captain Oats back where he was. she kneels next to the bed with the book and opens it up)
Zach: (yells) c'mon Sum we're gonna be late
Seth: (yells) what're you doin up there
(Summer quickly shuts the book and puts it in her bag)
CUT TO: A restaurant - Lindsay is sitting at one end of the table, and Caleb at the other. a waiter puts a napkin across Lindsay�s lap
Lindsay: oh thankyou
(Caleb smiles at Lindsay, Lindsay takes the menu from the waiter. Caleb does the same)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lindsay: um...so (smiles) ...thankyou so much for calling this afternoon an suggesting dinner it-it was-
Caleb: long overdue, I meant to call you right after the holidays but (raises eyebrows) work has ben all consuming
Lindsay: oh, yeah I�m sure...I mean...I can imagine (laughs)
Caleb: (smiles) ...so what about you Lindsay, how is...school, what're you studying
(Ryan comes over)
Ryan: hey, sorry I�m late, traffic (sits down)
(Caleb looks at Ryan, shocked)
Lindsay: um that�s ok we-we just got menus
Caleb: my apologies, if I had'a known we were gonna be three id of asked the waiter for another one
Lindsay: oh i-i'm sorry I-its-its my fault I shoulda said something earlier
Caleb: nonsense, I should've assumed Ryan would wanna make himself apart'a this
Lindsay: he didn�t...I asked him ta come
Ryan: look I can leave if you want
Caleb: yes Ryan you've already scammed your way inta one of my daughters lives, why stop there
Ryan: this isn�t about me
Caleb: isn�t it, you set this whole thing up didn�t you (Ryan looks away) you came to my office, you show up at dinner
Lindsay: (confused) you went to his office
Ryan: (looks at Lindsay) I-I was jus trying to help
Caleb: he said that you wanted a relationship with me, but if that were true he wouldn�t be here so what is it that the two of you really want (Ryan looks at him) money (raises eyebrows)
Lindsay: (stunned) what
Caleb: a new car, an ivy league education (Ryan closes his eyes) have your accomplice here drop by my office with a list of demands, that should cover it, goodnight (leaves)
(Ryan and Lindsay watch Caleb walk away)
CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy is on the phone, and Kirsten is standing near him near the family room
Sandy: (on the phone) hey Mark its Sandy Cohen again I know this is my fifth message today but I�m still up so if you get this, please call back, thanks (hangs up)
Kirsten: you gonna stay up all night
Sandy: well I�m not tired, that�s for sure
Kirsten: no word from your lawyer friend
Sandy: no...no, an no confirmation she�s dead
Kirsten: what if she�s not, what if your suspicions are right (Sandy looks at her) one way or another she�s gone, what is it gonna take for you to let her go
Sandy: what're you talking about
Kirsten: Rebecca Bloom (raises eyebrows) the smart, political Jewish woman that you were suppose'ta marry...before you ended up with me...your still in love with her
Sandy: (walks closer) that is not true
Kirsten: then come to bed
(Sandy looks at Kirsten. the phone rings, he looks at it then back at Kirsten. he walks over and answers it)
Sandy: hello...Mark hey (Kirsten looks worried) i'm-i'm sorry to be harassing ya but you know time is of the uh...oh...ok...well thanks for callin back...alright take care (hangs up) (walks over to Kirsten) she�s dead
(Sandy walks away and Kirsten watches him, helplessly. we then see Sandy sitting on their bed, and Kirsten stands at the door)
Kirsten: what're you gonna do
Sandy: well I gotta call the Professor but I...I can�t tell him this on the phone
Kirsten: I�m sorry (sits next to Sandy) it was a long time ago (puts her hand on his shoulder) maybe I need to let go of her to
Sandy: I�m gonna go...I wont be long
(Sandy leaves and Kirsten looks as though she is thinking)
CUT TO: Summer's bedroom - Summer comes through the door and walks over to her bed. she sits down and pulls the sketch book out to look at it
Summer: Princess Sparkle you are not going to believe this
(Summer opens the book and looks at the first 2 pages, she half smiles and turns the page, she smiles and turns the page again. she stops and looks like she�s thinking)
CUT TO: Lindsay and Ryan pulling up out the front of the Cohen�s. they both sit there quietly
Lindsay: ...I�m sorry
Ryan: why are you sorry
Lindsay: cause I made you come ta dinner...I know how much you hate him
Ryan: (closes his eyes) I don�t...hate him
Lindsay: yeah...well he hates you...so for you to have gone to his office for me was-
Ryan: a mistake
Lindsay: (sad) I really didn�t want anything from him, I jus wanted to ask him some questions, you know...jus stupid stuff (laughs)...maybe I don�t need a dad, you know I�ve...gone all this time without one...I turned out ok (looks at Ryan) right
Ryan: (kisses her) maybe I could talk to him
Lindsay: no
Ryan: or ask Kirsten to talk to him
Lindsay: no, you've done enough...more then enough an (looks down) you said it yourself he�s not a good guy
Ryan: yeah but he�s your dad, you sure I can�t
Lindsay: I�m sure, but thanks (nods)
(Ryan kisses Lindsay and then gets out of the car, Lindsay backs out)�
CUT TO: Marissa�s room - Marissa and Alex walk in and turn the light on
Marissa: let me jus change my shirt an then we can get outta here
Alex: your shirt is fine I�m telling you
Marissa: then why is it sticking ta me
(Marissa takes her top off so that she is standing there in her bra)
Marissa: am I bleeding (tries to look at her back)
Alex: let me see
(Alex looks at Marissa's lower back and pulls off something)
Alex: (smiles) oh wow, no you�re not bleeding, see for yourself
(Marissa smiles, then turns towards her mirror. we see that she has a tattoo in the same place as Alex does. they are also both wearing their heart necklaces {cute})
Marissa: oh my god
Alex: that is so hot
(Caleb walks in and sees the tattoo in the mirror)
Caleb: oh my god (Marissa and Alex turn around) what have you done
Marissa: nothing (picks up a shirt) get outta here Caleb
Caleb: this is my house, my home
Marissa: fine, you know what then we'll leave
(Marissa and Alex walk towards the door)
Caleb: you�re not going anywhere
Marissa: oh really, are you gonna stop me (Caleb doesn�t say anything) yeah that�s what I thought (to Alex) come on Alex
Alex: nice house (smiles)
CUT TO: Seth�s bedroom - Seth is on his bed working on his drawings. there�s a knock at the door
Seth: come in
(Summer walks in)
Seth: hey, what're you doin here
Summer: I um...I came to return something that I stole (raises eyebrows)
(Seth realises and looks under his bed)
Seth: (upside down) oh, you found it (sits on the edge of his bed) great (stands up) ok here�s the thing, I know that its totally creepy ok I know that it was just a very long summer an I�m sorry an I will destroy all of em right now I jus need ta find my exacto knife
Summer: no Cohen, don�t...I think there really good
Seth: yeah
Summer: yeah (frowns) I mean well the boobs are a little big but well I mean, aren�t they (smiles)
Seth: I can...redo the boobs
Summer: (frowns) an-an you know i-i'm not so sure about the mask either
(Seth holds up 1 finger and looks through the drawings on his bed. he holds up a picture of Summer without the mask, its great!)
Summer: (stunned) now that�s what I�m talkin about
Seth: yeah, so then...you don�t mind
Summer: no, well not as long as I have boob approval
Seth: ok
Summer: (smiles) do you mind if I uh have one'a these
Seth: uh yeah sure go ahead, you can actually have em all if you want
Summer: yeah
Seth: although maybe it�s not such a good idea...ta tell Zach about them all...or any of em
Summer: I was jus thinking the same thing
Seth: yeah jus cause you know it-it might upset the partnership an
Summer: yeah and well it could be bad for business
Seth: exactly
Summer: yeah
(Seth looks at Summer, Summer looks at Seth)
Summer: ok I�m gonna let you get back to work, because I expect my own action figure by Chrismukkah
Seth: oh (nods) wow ok well ill see what I can do
Summer: (smiles) ok...thanks Cohen
Seth: yeah (smiles)
(Summer leaves and shuts the door, Seth sits on his bed and looks down, he has a half smile)
CUT TO: A bar or club of some sort - Sandy is sitting at the bar alone, he picks up his phone and dials a number
Sandy: hey Professor...well...any chance you could meet me tonight...yeah...how bout my office...ill see you then (hangs up)
CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is sitting in front of his bed playing the playstation and eating breakfast cereal from the box. Seth walks in
Seth: hey (Ryan looks over) how was dinner
Ryan: I wouldn�t know, Caleb took off before we could order
Seth: (sits on the bed) cause you punched him in the face
Ryan: (looks at Seth) no
Seth: (holds up his hand for a high five) but you wanted to (points) I could tell you wanted to
Ryan: ehm (grabs the second controller for Seth)
Seth: that�s good, hey listen man he deserved it I�m sure, I love the guy but come on...he�s Lex Luther
Ryan: ah it�s my fault, I keep tryin'a help, I keep makin everything worse
Seth: well, Ryan that�s what heroes do, ok what else are you gonna do with fists of fury, homework, the dishes
Ryan: how'd it go with Zach
Seth: uh great until Summer came over an stole my sketch book
Ryan: (looks at Seth) what, what'did she do
Seth: well I thought she was gonna get a restraining order but it turns out...she�s jus gonna get her own action figure
Ryan: so she liked it
Seth: yeah, I think Summer an I may be takin a step forward in our relationship
Ryan: an knowing us Lindsay an I 'll probably take a step back
Seth: hey so between the two of us
Ryan: we're right back where we started
Seth: well least we haven�t lost any ground, except you on me here we go (plays the game)
Ryan: oh
CUT TO: Sandy�s office - Sandy turns a lamp on and picks up a box. there�s a knock at the door. Max walks in
Max: oh I-I see you've got your hands full
Sandy: i-i'm sorry to have called you here so late
Max: oh no, no, no actually Sanford I-I was going to call you...I have something to show you
Sandy: what is it
(Max looks towards the door and Rebecca stands in the doorway)
Rebecca: Sandy Cohen
Sandy: (stunned) ...Rebecca (half smiles)
-Fade out | Plan: A: Seth; Q: Along with Zach, who decides to start a comic book? A: Newport Beach; Q: Where do Zach and Seth live? A: the sketches; Q: What does Summer look at when she wonders why she's been left out of the comic book? A: an old friend; Q: Who does Sandy decide to help find his daughter? A: the search; Q: What leads to more questions for Sandy? A: Julie; Q: Who is away when Marissa's contempt for Caleb grows? A: Ryan; Q: Who tries to help Lindsay satisfy her curiosity about Caleb? Summary: Zach and Seth decide to start their own comic book based on their lives in Newport Beach. While browsing the sketches, Summer questions why she's been left out. Sandy decides to help an old friend find his daughter, but the search leads to even more questions. While Julie is away, Marissa's contempt for Caleb grows as she looks for new ways to rebel. Meanwhile, Ryan tries to help Lindsay satisfy her curiosity about Caleb. |
[Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Dawson is sitting at a table with Jen, Jack and David. They are all drinking colas while waiting for food to arrive.]
Dawson: So let me get this straight, Pacey and Audrey broke up, but Joey and Audrey are fighting.
Jen: Yes, majorly. Dawson, you've got to call more often.
Jack: Hold on a second, ok? A: The guy has obviously been really busy, ok? And B: I mean... she's--she's-- she's exaggerating, 'cause nobody's broken any nails yet.
David: It's more like they're keeping their distance from each other.
Dawson: Thank you.
David: No problem.
Jen: You know, I'm sure that if we could get them in the same room, they would work things out just fine.
Dawson: Joey and Audrey?
Jen: No, Pacey and Audrey. Duh.
[Emma comes up to the table carrying a tray full of food. Goes to hand the food out.]
Emma: Here we go.
Jen: Uh, no
[Gives the burger to David that she almost gave to Jen]
Emma: Sorry about that. What about you, love? [To Dawson] Can I get you anything?
Dawson: Uh, no, thanks. I can't stay that long.
[Emma looks a little disappointed, then leaves them]
Jack: Oh. Oh, yeah, let me guess. Uh... she's not working tonight, if that's what you're asking.
Jen: Yeah, why don't you stay and have a cheeseburger? Come on, Dawson, we never get to see you anymore.
Dawson: Really, I have to go.
Jen: Dawson.
Dawson: I can't, I swear. I got to get back. Todd thinks I'm running an errand right now, which, technically... I am.
[He pulls an envelope out of his pocket and hands it to Jen]
Jen: What is this?
Dawson: It's a present.
Jen: Oh, you feel so bad 'cause you don't call, you got to give us presents.
Dawson: Just open it. It's not a guilt offering. I'd use it myself if I could.
[She opens it and pulls out a bunch of concert tickets]
Jen: Oh, my god! These are tickets to the No Doubt concert. Dawson, this is amazing. There's like 10 tickets in here. Are you sure that this is ok?
Dawson: Absolutely. Todd got them for free. I think he knows the band or something.
Jack: You know what? Why don't you just, uhDon't give the man a chance to change his mind there, all right?
Dawson: Anyway, go, enjoy it. Have fun. And, uh, let me know what happens once you get Pacey and Audrey in the same place at the same time.
Jen: Thank you so much.
Jack: Thanks, man.
[Dawson goes to leave and runs into Joey who is just arriving to the bar.]
Dawson: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Dawson: I'm sorry. I was just, uh
Joey: Oh, don't apologize. Um...are they
Dawson: yeah, they're back there. Jack and Jen...
Joey: Oh, good. I was hoping for some company. How have you been?
Dawson: Great. Really great. I've been busy.
Joey: Great.
Dawson: Heard you and Audrey had a fight.
Joey: Yeah... those things happen, I guess. People fight.
Dawson: Yeah. All right, well, I don't want to keep you.
Joey: Dawson, they're your friends, too.
Dawson: Yeah, I know. I just--I got to go.
Joey: It's nice seeing you.
Dawson: You, too.
[He leaves and she looks a little disappointed that he left.]
[Opening Credits]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Hell's Kitchen. Joey and Eddie are sitting at the table talking to each other. Joey is trying to convince hi to drive them to the concert.]
Eddie: No Doubt?
Joey: Yeah. Look, I know it's kind of a schlep to Worcester, but they're totally amazing live, and you do have a car.
Eddie: Worcester?
Joey: Yeah, it's only like an hour from here.
Eddie: I know, I know. So on our date tonight, you want me to drive you to Worcester?
Joey: Correct.
Eddie: And when we get there, all your friends will be there.
Joey: Well, not all of them... ok, most.
Eddie: So how is that a date?
Joey: What makes it a date is that I'm there... and you're there. And if you play your cards right, you might just get a kiss at the end of the evening.
Eddie: A kiss?
Joey: Yeah, that's usually how the whole first-date thing traditionally shakes out. You know, you walk me to my door, you kiss me, you leave.
Eddie: But I've already gotten a kiss. 2, actually. And I don't know that I'm prepared to drive all the way to Worcester for, what? For the possibility of some measly little good-night kiss?
Joey: There is another option on offer for the end of the evening.
Eddie: Yes?
Joey: You walk me to my door we shake hands and I reimburse you for gas money.
Eddie: Nice.
Joey: So are you in or out?
Eddie: I'm in.
[Scene: The Movie Set. Todd and Dawson are walking together along the set, while Dawson is trying to point out that they are not doing anything. ]
Todd: Is it just me, or, uh, is there something weird about this day?
Dawson: Um, the fact that we finished all our day work before lunch, and now we're just paying all these people to stand around doing nothing until the sun sets?
Todd: Oh, there isn't someplace you'd rather be, is there?
Dawson: No, but look around. Everybody's exhausted, including yourself. All these night shoots have finally caught up with us.
Todd: Oh, I see. So you're saying I should give up 2 night exteriors I really need so the crew can knock off 4 hours early on a Friday?
Dawson: 4 hours, 35 minutes, would be even better.
Todd: There's a bloody pool going?
Dawson: Big one. Think about it. I mean, honestly, you wrap early tonight, everybody comes in Monday completely refreshed.
Todd: Everyone, including you?
Dawson: Sure.
Todd: And Natasha?
Dawson: Sure.
Todd: I get it. So all this friend-to-the-crew stuff was just an excuse to get the night off so you could take her to that concert?
Dawson: I'll split the money with you.
Todd: [Laughs] Not necessary.
Dawson: I already won 500 in the when-will- Dawson-and-Natasha-start- shagging-again pool.
[Todd pulls an envelope out of coat pocket and hands it to Dawson]
Todd: Here.
Dawson: What are these?
Todd: My tickets. They're much better than the ones I gave you. And I think there's some backstage pass in there, too.
Dawson: You don't want to go?
Todd: Between you and me? I'm old... and tired, and if we're going to wrap 4 hours and 35 minutes early, all I want to do is go home and get some sleep. Go get 'em, tiger.
[Scene: Record Store. Jen and Audrey are shopping for some CD's and Audrey grabs a copy of the New No Doubt Album Rock Steady]
Jen: So, you're coming, right? I mean, if the band can overcome their complicated romantic entanglements and still be friends, the least that we can do is all get along for one night.
Audrey: All right, I am willing to grant that there is a certain karmic appropriateness to seeing one's ex-boyfriend for the first time at a No Doubt concert.
Jen: You're bending.
Audrey: I'm not bending.
Jen: Oh, come on, you know you want to. Empowered female. Incredible fashion sense.
Audrey: I suppose mojo jojo will be attending.
Jen: Oh, come on, if you can-- if you can be with her in that tiny little dorm room of yours, you're going to be just fine in a crowd of 14,000 strangers.
Audrey: So she's bringing that guy, right?
Jen: Mm-hmm, but we don't have to sit next to them. We're using the gays as a barrier between the breeders and the bitter, single girls.
Audrey: So, what? Are they, like, dating now?
Jen: Look at you. You want the gossip so bad it's killing you.
Audrey: I don't want the gossip. I just...I don't know-- I want to hear that she has a pimple or something. I want there to be one tiny little chink in her armor of perfection. I mean, has that girl ever made a mistake? Ever?
Jen: Yeah, actually, the same one that you did. She dumped Pacey.
Audrey: That's funny. You know, the way I always heard it, he dumped her.
Jen: Oh, whatever. Who knows? Who cares? Honestly, the important thing is is that they're still friends... like us.
Audrey: Do you mean that?
Jen: Yes, I do.
Audrey: [Sighs]
Jen: So you coming?
Audrey: I'm coming.
Jen: Yay! I'm so glad. You are not going to regret this. We are going to have an incredible night.
[She walks backwards while Audrey is heading to the counter to pay, when she backs right into a guy who turns out to be CJ.]
Jen: Oh, my god. I am so sorry. Hi.
CJ: Hi. Hi.
Audrey: Hi.
[Audrey walks purposely away from him to the counter]
Jen: Hey. I'm sorry, I was just... not looking where I was going.
CJ: Yeah, you seemed pretty excited there.
Jen: Yeah, well, we're actually going to a No Doubt concert tonight.
CJ: Cool. Well, have fun. Well, see 'ya.
[He turns back to looking in the stacks for music]
Jen: Look, I don't want to pretend that nothing happened between us, and... and I also don't want to make a big deal out of the... nothing that did happen between us. Um... here, if you want to come.
CJ: You're giving me a ticket to the No Doubt concert?
Jen: Yeah, I mean, Jack's going, and David, and all of us, really, so it's--it's not like a date.
[He looks over at Audrey, who just turns her gaze from him]
CJ: No, I didn't think it was.
Jen: Great. Great. Well, um... like I said, come if you want. [To Audrey] All right, I'm picking you up at 7:00. No bailing, ok?
[Jen leaves, and CJ goes over to talk to Audrey]
CJ: So, were you ever going to call me back?
Audrey: I think that the answer to that would be fairly obvious.
[She storms out of the record store and he chases after her]
CJ: You know, we didn't do anything wrong.
Audrey: No, of course not. We were great, you know? And we'll probably win some sort of award for moral fortitude and the proper use of birth control.
CJ: I don't see what the big deal is here. It's not like she's my girlfriend, ok?
Audrey: Yeah? Well, neither am I. I'm just... I'm an idiot.
CJ: Oh, so, what? You're just going to pretend like nothing ever happened?
Audrey: Yes, and unless you want me to kill you, you will, too.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The No Doubt Concert. Joey and Eddie are waiting in line to get in, and they notice a couple who are all cuddly in line.]
Guy: Tickets.
Joey: Disgusting, isn't it? When people can't keep their hands off each other?
[Eddie was just about o put his arms around Joey, but quickly puts them down at his side.]
Joey: Yeah. Just, uh, yeah.
Guy: Tickets. Tickets, please.
Joey: I have them. I do. I must have them.
Guy: That's what they all say.
Joey: No. I was leaving, I put them in my coat pocket, and... I wore my other coat.
Guy: A fashion tragedy. Next.
Joey: Crap!
Guy: Tickets.
Eddie: Ok, but are you sure you didn't leave them in the car or something?
Joey: Yes, I'm positive. They're... they're in my other coat, which is sitting on my bed back in my dorm room.
Eddie: Well, don't panic or anything. We'll just go back for them.
Joey: You're volunteering to drive more?
Eddie: Hey, you're paying for gas.
Joey: No, it'll take us an hour just to walk back to the car.
Eddie: So?
Joey: So with that, plus traffic, they'll be on their third encore by the time we get back.
Eddie: What do you want to do? You just want to forget about this whole thing?
Joey: No. I don't know.
Eddie: Look, you really want to go to this concert, don't you?
Joey: Yes. I'm a dorky fan, I admit it, but I love this band.
Eddie: Then we're going.
Joey: Eddie, it's going to take us
Eddie: Silence... before I come to my senses and change my mind. Come on.
[Scene: The No Doubt Concert. In another line, Dawson and Natasha are kissing and necking while waiting for their turn, but the line is moving forward without them.]
Woman: Are you guys going or what?
Natasha: Sorry. So tacky when people can't keep their hands off each other in public.
Dawson: Sorry.
Lady: Tickets, please.
Dawson: Here you go.
Lady: Wrong night, Romeo.
Dawson: Excuse me?
Lady: These are for Saturday.
Dawson: No, they can't be. These are--crap.
Lady: Good seats, too. Really would have impressed your girlfriend here. Next!
Dawson: I can't believe I did this. This is--I-- I should have known better than to trust Todd. The guy probably thinks today is Saturday.
Natasha: We still have the backstage passes though, don't we?
Dawson: Yeah, but we can't get in with those. We need the tickets.
Natasha: Uh, hold on. Humor me. I have special skills in that department.
[Scene: The No Doubt Concert. Jen and Pacey are walking away from the Refreshments stand and heading towards their seats.]
Jen: You're not going to regret this, I swear. You're here, you're not in a suit. This is good. This is very, very good. Where is everybody else?
Pacey: There at the concession stand. Jack and Emma, and, uh... the guy and the guy's friend.
Jen: Yeah, well, his name is David, which you might want to remember. I think he's going to stick.
Pacey: What, you posses the psychic ability to see into the future of relationships now?
Jen: Yes, just not my own.
Pacey: Ah. So where are these seats anyway? Is that where we're going now?
Jen: Yeah. They're-- they're that way. I mean, they're in that general direction.
Pacey: Cool.
Jen: Ok, um... and when you go in that general direction...
Pacey: Yes?
Jen: There's--there's going to be somebody there who wants to talk to you.
Pacey: Oh, come on. You did not just do this to me.
Jen: Yeah, we did, but out of love. Trust me, when you look back on this event in a few years, you're going to be very grateful, because you will have done the mature thing.
Pacey: [Sighs]
Jen: Come on. Go. You know you want to.
[Cut to their Seats. Pacey walks over and notices Audrey already sitting there, and makes his way towards the seats.]
Pacey: Excuse me.
Audrey: Surprise.
Pacey: Hey. I did call you, you know.
Audrey: I know. At least I figured that I shouldn't talk to you until I hated you a little less.
Pacey: Oh, well... how's that going for you?
Audrey: It's going, yeah. The problem is now I kind of hate myself, but, uh...
Pacey: Audrey, can we go talk a walk? Maybe talk someplace that's a little quieter and slightly more private before all the madness starts?
Audrey: [Chuckles] You really are an old man, aren't you? Sure.
[He nods]
Audrey: Ok.
[They get up and leave]
Pacey: Excuse us.
[Scene: Outside the back door of the stadium. Joey and Eddie are at the back door, and Eddie is trying to talk to the guy who is there.]
Eddie: Look, I'm telling you, I'm not trying to sneak backstage, ok? I'm not some kind of deranged fan. I just need to talk to someone who works here.
Man: Is it me?
Eddie: No, very funny, though.
Man: Good-bye.
Eddie: No, I just need to talk to someone for
[The Guy slams the door on them.]
Joey: Just to let you know, we can stop this at any point.
Eddie: But it's going so well.
Joey: Oh, I can see that. Look, you don't have to harass some poor guy just to impress me. This whole thing is my fault, anyway.
Eddie: Believe me, if this works, you will not be impressed.
[Eddie notices some more people headed towards them]
Eddie: Hey, more people. This is good. Uh, this is good. I'm gonna go ask them
Joey: Oh, no. No, you're not!
[Joey looks back and sees that it is Dawson and Natasha. She quickly grabs Eddie's arms and pulls him behind some boxes so Dawson can't see her.]
Natasha: Ok, this is totally gonna work, but you have to trust me. It'll work better if you pretend you're like my brother or something.
[Natasha unbuttons a few of the top buttons of her shirt to show more cleavage.]
Dawson: You did not just do that.
Natasha: Do you want to get into this thing or not?
Dawson: I'd be perfectly happy if we went right back to the car
Natasha: Hey! It's our night off. We're going.
[She knocks on the door and the guy comes out and instantly notices Natasha and her cleavage.]
Natasha: Hi.
Man: Hi.
[Eddie turns to Joey trying to figure out why they are hiding.]
Eddie: Not that I care
Joey: Shh! He'll see us.
Eddie: Who? That's the guy from the movie set.
Joey: Yes.
Eddie: And the guy from the movie set is the friend who gave you the tickets.
Joey: Yeah, kind of.
Eddie: And now we're hiding. Why?
Joey: I don't know. Gut instinct.
Eddie: This is ridiculous. Come on. Come on.
Joey: Just wait till
Eddie: no, no, come on, come on!
[Eddie notices that they are no longer at the door, and the door is slowly closing and runs up to catch the door before it loses]
[Scene: Inside the back door. The guy is looking over the guest list with another guy, while Dawson and Natasha wait. Eddie and Joey sneak past them while they are checking out the list]
Guy: Yeah, if, uh... that's tonight's list, we should be on it.
Natasha: Carr, Todd Carr, damage, inc. Big video director. You know, you guys probably spelled his name with a "K."
Guy: As much as it pains me to tell you this, lady, if you're not the list, you're not on the list.
Natasha: Well, isn't there some other list?
Guy: Not tonight there's not.
Natasha: Oh, well, maybe they messed up and put us on tomorrow's list. I mean, that could happen, that's possible right? I mean, why else would we have these backstage passes?
Guy: Not my problem.
Natasha: Well--ugh! Can't we work this out?
Guy: Afraid not.
[He pushes them both out the door.]
[Scene: The No Doubt Concert. Jen and CJ are walking together to the Refreshments stand.]
CJ: I didn't know Audrey was involved with anybody.
Jen: Well, they just broke up, which is why I think she's been so crazy recently. I think that she's just having a hard time dealing.
CJ: Yeah, things like that can be tough. You want anything?
Jen: No, I'm fine.
CJ: Just one coke, thanks. You know, to be honest, she seemed kind of single to me.
Jen: Why, cause of that night at that party?
CJ: Yeah, that, and other things.
Jen: You know, she just got confused. It happens to the best of us.
CJ: Yeah, it does.
Jen: You know, for two people who aren't seeing each other, we end up alone an awful lot of the time.
CJ: Yeah, you know, I've been thinking maybe we should talk about that.
Jen: No, I don't-- I don't think that that is necessary.
CJ: No, 'cause I feel bad, and I don't want to end up feeling worse. I mean, obviously, you have the wrong impression of me.
Jen: No. No, I mean, there was no room for ambiguity when you refused to kiss me, so
CJ: Ok, ok, hold on. I don't want you to think that I'm playing games with you or something.
Jen: Because you're not?
CJ: No, I'm not. I'm actually... interested in somebody else.
Jen: Oh. I see, so, all that stuff about not being ready to date... just applied to me.
CJ: No, Jen, I meant all that. I did. I'm not ready to be serious with somebody. This other girl... kind of took me by surprise. It just kind of happened. I mean, we were at the wrong place at the wrong time, things escalated.
Jen: Did you sleep with this girl? [he just has a weird look on his face ] Wow, so, sleeping with people doesn't violate your moral code, but dating them does.
CJ: Jen, let me explain something to you
Jen: No, you have. Really well, too. And for future reference, when things escalate with a girl, that generally means that she's interested in you.
CJ: Yeah, except when she's kind of messed up, already has a boyfriend. Jen, I think you're great. I think you're a great person. You're obviously a very good friend to Audrey, to everybody.
Jen: What... what does Audrey have... oh, my god. It was Audrey. You slept with Audrey.
CJ: It's not what you think, all right, she-- I messed up.
[Scene: The No Doubt Concert. Pacey and Audrey are returning from getting a concert T-Shirt.]
Audrey: So, thank you for the t-shirt.
Pacey: Well, it is the least I can do for acting like a swine.
Audrey: You weren't a swine. You were just... a guy.
Pacey: I'd like to think that I get graded on a different curve than that. Perhaps the human being one.
Audrey: It's not your responsibility to make me happy, Pacey. It's mine.
Pacey: Well, let's be honest. You haven't been doing such a bang-up job of that lately, Audrey.
Audrey: I miss you, ok?
Pacey: I miss you, too.
[He hugs her]
Pacey: And honestly, I don't know how much more of this being down on yourself stuff I can take.
Audrey: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do about it?
Pacey: I'm just gonna have to make you feel better, aren't I? By force, if necessary.
[he starts tickling her]
Audrey: Aah! Pacey, no rough-housing in public!
Pacey: Who's the old man now, huh?
Audrey: Seriously, we might be lost. I think we should've left like a trail of popcorn or something.
Pacey: We can't be lost. It's an arena. Speaking of, there's Jen. Jen!
Audrey: Jen!
Jen: Hey.
Pacey: So, is it starting?
Jen: Yeah, almost.
Pacey: Well, excellent. Let's get in there, because I personally do not want to miss a single solitary second of...
Audrey: No Doubt. It's on the t-shirt.
Pacey: Right. No Doubt it is. So, let's go.
Jen: You know, would you mind going in ahead, and Audrey and I are just gonna have a little chat?
Pacey: Yeah, absolutely. Girl time. I'll see you in there.
[Pacey leaves them alone]
Audrey: What?
Jen: I just wanted to tell you that I know about what happened with you and C.J.
Audrey: Jen... I didn't know that you liked him so much. Like, I thought that you did, but I
Jen: I don't want to talk about this. I just wanted to let you know that I know.
[Jen begins walking away]
Audrey: Jen, no, seriously, wait. Let's--let's do talk about it. I don't know, yell at me, do something, just-- I deserve it. It was a mistake. I'm sorry. It was a big mistake.
Jen: Yeah, it was a mistake.
Audrey: So, then yell at me.
Jen: I don't want to yell at you. I don't have it in me to yell at you. You know, I've been holding back lately because I actually had some sympathy for you. I thought, "Audrey-- she's just confused. She's just messed up," but you're not. You're just sad.
[Scene: The No Doubt Concert. The band has begun playing and we see the crowd is packed. We cut to the back rooms of the Stadium, in an area that looks like the heating rooms. Eddie and Joey are walking back there, and they can hear that the concert has already begun.]
[Band playing Hella Good]
Joey: Wouldn't now be a good time to admit that we're lost?
Eddie: We're not lost.
Joey: Eddie, we seem to be moving away from the music.
Eddie: Oh, so what you're saying is you don't trust me.
Joey: Well, is there a reason I should? Have you done anything to demonstrate that you're in the least trustworthy?
Eddie: Wow. Trust issues. I guess we are learning a few things about each other tonight, huh?
Joey: You mean you're learning things about me.
Eddie: Ok, wait here.
Joey: Oh, no, you're not leaving me alone in this place. I'm pretty sure Freddy Krueger's second home is right around the corner.
Eddie: 2 seconds, ok? 2 seconds, I swear. I'm sorry, Jo, but you're just gonna have to trust me on this one.
Joey: Fine.
[He goes into a room and Joey follows him and looks through the door and sees him talking to some guy. When she notices him turn towards the door she quickly goes back to where she was before.]
Eddie: Ok. We're all set.
Joey: So you gonna tell me what's going on now?
[The man that Eddie was talking to comes out.]
Father: Ok, you kids ready to go?
Eddie: Uh, yeah. Joey, this is my dad. Dad, Joey.
Father: Yeah. It's-- it's nice to meet you.
Joey: You, too.
[Eddie's Father goes to lead them on, and Joey has a huge smile on her face as the follow him]
Eddie: What?
Joey: Nothing.
[Scene: Outside the No Doubt Concert. Dawson and Natasha are standing outside waiting for someone trying to sell tickets.]
Natasha: So how does this whole scalping thing work exactly?
Dawson: I don't know. I figured if I stood here long enough with $600 in my hand, somebody would come up to us and mutter "tickets" under their breath.
Natasha: Heh! Well, I'm cold. Where'd you get all that cash, anyway?
Dawson: What, just because I'm a glorified P.A., You think I can't afford to take my girlfriend to town every once in a while?
Natasha: Oh, my god. You won the pool, didn't you?
Dawson: Well...
Natasha: No, wait. You fixed the pool. You're a lot craftier than people give you credit for. You know, I'm starting to think you had the right idea when you suggested bailing on this event.
Dawson: Are you making me an offer I can't refuse, or are you just cold?
Natasha: Um, both. Plus, dating's for shmucks, and what we're doing is much more fun.
Dawson: What, sneaking around at work?
Natasha: I thought you liked sneaking around at work.
Dawson: Oh, I do, but we're not fooling anybody.
Natasha: Sure we are. We're fooling ourselves, which is what makes it all so incredibly dangerous. And sexy. And fun.
[they begins kissing and making out on the hood of a car, when a horse cop stops behind them.]
[Horse neighs]
Natasha: Oh, my god, it's black beauty. Hey, boy!
Cop: You kids have any reason to be here, other than the obvious one?
Dawson: Uh, no, sir. Well, yeah, actually, we do. We thought we had-- well, we did have tickets but
Cop: But you sold them?
Dawson: No, we didn't-- we didn't sell them. It turned--they were for tomorrow, but we got the dates messed up.
Cop: And that explains why you're carrying such a large amount of cash on you?
Dawson: Excuse me?
Cop: You have several hundred dollars there, son.
Dawson: No--yeah, I do, but it's-- it's not for that, it's for the
Natasha: Me. It's for me. He was trying to short me, and I told him, "no way. "No way am I gonna do you in this parking lot for a penny less than $600."
Cop: What's this, some kind of game to you, miss?
Dawson: No, it's not. That's not what she-- look, I can-- I can explain this, really, I can.
Cop: And you will at the station. [into his Walkie Talkie] I need a check-by in the southwest corner, over.
Dawson: You're arresting us?
Cop: No, I'm taking you with me. If she say one more word, I'm arresting you.
Natasha: Cool!
[A cop car pulls up]
Natasha: Let's go. [Child-like voice] Bye, horsey! [She grabs Dawson] Come here.
[Scene: The No Doubt Concert. The Band is playing their second song to the crowd. Everyone is up and jumping to the music. Cut to outside the seating area. Audrey comes out of the bathroom to find CJ waiting for her.]
[Band playing Underneath It All]
Audrey: Go away!
CJ: I need to talk to you.
Audrey: Well, I don't want to talk to you. Don't you get that? It was a mistake, a gigantic mistake.
CJ: Why didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend?
Audrey: Just leave him out of this, ok?
CJ: No, come here, come here.
Audrey: C.J.
CJ: Come here.
Audrey: C.J., Stop!
CJ: Yeah, well, he's in this, whether you like it or not.
Audrey: Well, you know what? He's not! He has nothing to do with it.
CJ: Ok, and the reason you came home with me the other night is because you're so overwhelmingly happy with him.
Audrey: Ugh!
CJ: I'm sorry. I'm not trying to mess with your head here. I just--I like you, Audrey, and you're the only reason I came here tonight.
Audrey: Well, then I guess that was your first mistake.
CJ: I know things are complicated, but you gotta understand that I haven't felt like toward someone in a long time.
Audrey: No, it's been a long time since you had s*x, and you're incredibly grateful because you're incredibly messed up, which should've been obvious from the second Jen met you, because generally, people who are into helping other people are about 10,000 times more messed up than the people they're helping.
CJ: You know what? You're probably right. But that doesn't change the fact that I like you.
Audrey: You have got to stop this. I am sure that under there somewhere there is a nice guy, and you are obviously just trying to help me out, but what happened between us, it's just-- it's the way that the world works, ok? Pretty much all the time, girls run around and feel bad about themselves. They're either too weak or too stupid to go home alone. So, sometimes guys just win the lottery. That's it. It doesn't mean anything.
[Pacey comes out to find Audrey]
Pacey: Hey, you've been gone a year. What's going on?
Audrey: Nothing. I'm sorry.
Pacey: You guys--you guys having a problem out here?
Audrey: No. We barely know each other.
CJ: Yeah, right.
Pacey: Excuse me?
CJ: Nothing. I just think if you took care of your girlfriend a little bit better
Pacey: If I did what?
Audrey: Nothing. He said nothing. Go away, C.J.
CJ: You really want me to leave you alone with this guy that makes you so miserable?
Audrey: Yes. Now.
Pacey: Is this a joke? Did he really just say that to me?
Audrey: C.J., Please, if what you said was true about me, about the other night, then you will just leave, walk away.
Pacey: Wait. What about the other night?
CJ: And if I don't?
Audrey: C.J., Leave, now!
CJ: You really think you're gonna be happier with him than you obviously were with me?
[Pacey decks CJ, and they get into a fight]
Audrey: You guys!
[Security comes and pulls them apart.]
Security: Come on, break it up, break it up. Come on, break it up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The No Doubt Concert. The band is playing another song, while the crowd is screaming along to the music. Joey and Eddie are watching the Show from high up above the stage.]
[Band playing Magic's in the Makeup]
Joey: You're dad seems nice.
Eddie: He said four words to you, and he thinks your name is Josie.
Joey: I don't mind.
Eddie: He is...nice. You know, he works hard, puts food on the table, doesn't cheat on my mom, solid, steady, always around.
Joey: Sounds more like the second coming.
Eddie: Yeah. Yeah, he's just not too big on the encouragement front. Not real into higher education.
Joey: And that explains why you didn't go to college.
Eddie: Oh, I went to college.
Joey: You did? Yeah.
Eddie: Yeah, one semester. Dropped out. Things have to happen to you at the exact right time in your life, or they're meaningless.
Joey: Meaningless?
Eddie: Yeah. Like this. Like right now. I mean, this could've happened yesterday and been meaningless. But it's not, is it?
Joey: No, it isn't.
[Eddie and Joey intertwine their fingers]
[Scene: Outside the No Doubt Concert. Emma and Pacey are in the parking lot alone. Emma is sitting on the bumper of a car, while Pacey is frantically pacing back and forth]
Emma: You just had to get us kicked out, didn't you? Couldn't possibly have waited till after the acoustical set?
Pacey: Feel free to go back any time, because you're really not needed here.
Emma: Well, I did figure I might decrease the odds of another one in your group either having s*x or possibly beating each other to a pulp.
Pacey: You don't think I had the right to punch that guy?
Emma: She's not your girlfriend anymore, mate! Not that it would make it ok even if she were.
Pacey: He took advantage of her! He saw that she was messed up and he preyed on her, which in my books makes him one notch below pond scum.
Emma: Right, right, must be that, because women are such helpless idiots they couldn't possibly make an informed decision about who they sleep with, could they?
Pacey: I know Audrey. This is not her. I cannot believe she would sleep with that guy.
Emma: Is it so difficult for you just to admit that she hurt you? Or that you might feel a little guilty about the way things ended, or that possibly, despite all your protestations to the contrary, that you still want to save this girl?
Pacey: Of course, it's difficult. It just is.
[Scene: the No Doubt Concert. The parking garage. Jen is putting a bag of ice on Eddie's swollen cheek.]
Jen: Would you quit squirming? You're lucky I'm even talking to you right now.
CJ: This is bringing you a great deal of satisfaction, isn't it?
Jen: No, actually, it's not.
CJ: You're not thinking to yourself right now that I deserve this?
Jen: No. You and Audrey are both adults, and I am not gonna sit here and apply some ridiculous double standard to the situation, just because my feelings got a little bit hurt.
CJ: I'm sorry about that. I wish that hadn't happened.
Jen: Yeah, I know. You know, all that stuff that you've been saying is finally starting to sink in, all that stuff that you've been telling me about yourself, and I guess that if it's true, then it probably really sucks to be you right now because no matter how nominally together you think you are, if your fondest desire is to start hanging out with Audrey, then chances are, it's not gonna stay that way. And you know what? If I ever got it into my head to do what you do, you know, to help people, I would be a hell of a lot better at it than you are.
[Scene: Outside the No Doubt Concert. Elsewhere in the Parking garage. Jack and David are walking together talking about the night.]
Jack: So you really don't mind taking Audrey home?
David: Well, sure, I mind, but, you know, my inner drama queen respects her refusal to come out of the bathroom till Jen and Pacey leave.
Jack: Heh heh heh! Thanks, man. I just don't want to ditch Jen, you know. I mean, I don't think this evening turned out quite the way she planned.
David: Hmm. Yeah. I know the feeling.
Jack: So, we're, uh, not doing too well at this, are we?
David: Well, the hanging out has been good. But the dating? I think it's safe to say that when two gay guys go on a date, and each ends up going home with a hot blond girl, something's definitely not working.
Jack: Yeah.
[Scene: Outside the police station. Natasha and Dawson come outside and Natasha hops on Dawson's back for a piggyback ride.]
Natasha: Quick, make a break for it before he comes!
Dawson: I can't-- I can't--you are still not taking this seriously.
Natasha: We didn't get arrested. They just gave us a warning.
Dawson: They gave us one phone call.
Natasha: Ohh! They were having fun, like us. Oh, come on! This entire evening has been fun, from start to finish, and you know it.
Dawson: Yes, this has been fun. I'm starting to think you might be insane, but
Natasha: but what? You haven't ever gone out with an insane person before?
Dawson: No, I have, just... not in a good way.
Natasha: Mmm.
[they begin kissing and Todd comes storming out of the police station]
Todd: Ok, shag wits, to the car! Let's go! Chop, bloody chop! Or am I gonna have to throw cold water on you both?
Dawson: I think he's mad.
Natasha: Real mad.
Todd: For the record, never let it be said that Todd Carr is a man who's not in love with being in love. I think both my movies and my life reflect my deep and abiding commitment to getting two good-looking young people together and having a bit of fun now and again. However... as leery here bloody well knows...
Dawson: You're also a man who's in love with sleep.
Todd: To the car. Now.
Both: [Suppressing laughter]
Natasha: [Imitating Todd] To the car.
Both: Heh heh heh!
[Scene: The College Dorms. Eddie and Joey are walking up to the door of Joey's Dorm room.]
Eddie: So...this is it?
Joey: Yeah.
Eddie: Yeah.
Joey: Yeah.
Eddie: End of the night.
Joey: Yeah.
Eddie: Heh heh.
[He reaches his hand out for her. Think he wants to shake hands, she takes his hand and then he pulls her over to a bench outside her dorm room.
Eddie: So you never did tell me what yours is like.
Joey: My dad?
Eddie: Yeah. Well, come on. I showed you mine.
Joey: Mmph. Let's just call him the opposite and leave it at that.
Eddie: Opposite. As in not solid, not hard-working.
Joey: Um... he's a big fan of cheating on my mom. Um, he's definitely not the type to do some back-breaking job for 25 years when there's easy money to be made in the less law-abiding sectors of the economy.
Eddie: You make him sound like a criminal.
Joey: Well, that's what the district attorneys call him.
Eddie: Hmph.
Joey: I still think of him as dad.
Eddie: Wow. Well, you know, he must've done something right.
Joey: Why? 'Cause I turned out so well?
Eddie: What, you think being entombed in these hallowed halls equals turning out well?
Joey: Well, it's a start, isn't it?
Eddie: I'm gonna have to do more work on you than I thought.
Joey: You think there's something wrong with these hallowed halls?
Eddie: No. Not if you're here for the right reason.
Joey: Well, my dad... when he actually was around was very good on the encouragement part in that "dream-big, little-girl, you-can-be-anything you-want-to-be" sort of way.
Eddie: I see. And what is it you want to be, little girl?
Joey: Hmph! I don't know. Guess I'm a work in progress.
[They begins kissing]
Eddie: Good night.
Joey: Good night.
[Eddie gets up and leaves and Joey watches him go, and the camera fades to black.] | Plan: A: No Doubt concert tickets; Q: What does Dawson get for Natasha? A: his and Natasha's first public date; Q: What event ends in a brush with the law? A: the concert; Q: Where do Joey and Eddie sneak into? A: Pacey; Q: Who comes to blows with C.J. at the concert? A: blows; Q: What does Pacey come to with C.J.? A: Audrey; Q: Who did Pacey sleep with? Summary: Dawson comes through with No Doubt concert tickets, but his and Natasha's first public date ends in a brush with the law. Joey and Eddie have to sneak into the concert, while Pacey come to blows with C.J. at the concert when it is revealed that he slept with Audrey. |
LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai on the phone]
LORELAI: It's me and you father, we're home. I don't know if you forgot, but we've been in Paris, and we flew across oceans and oceans just to see you again. And, so, we would really like to see you again -- today, tonight, A.S.A.P., Okay? So please call me, call me back. S.T.A.S.A.P -- sooner than as soon as possible. Okay, honey, call me. Call me. Call me. Call. Okay. Bye.
CHRISTOPHER: Okay, that was your last one. I'm cutting you off. She will call you when she wakes up.
LORELAI: [groans]
CHRISTOPHER: Now sit.
LORELAI: [Sighs]
CHRISTOPHER: I need an open mind. Are you giving me an open mind?
LORELAI: Okay, it's open.
CHRISTOPHER: Wide open?
LORELAI: Yeah, blue skies, green grass, vistas as far as the eye can see.
CHRISTOPHER: Good, because I want you to picture, on this wall, a waterfall.
LORELAI: Huh?
CHRISTOPHER: You know like one of those wall waterfalls -- they're really soothing.
LORELAI: Slam.
CHRISTOPHER: What.
LORELAI: The sound of my mind closing.
CHRISTOPHER: Come on we could get a Barcalounger right here and just lean back and listen - it would be like living in Hawaii.
LORELAI: Are you serious -- a Barcalounger?
CHRISTOPHER: Soft leather, adjustable footrest. You know what else would be awesome?
LORELAI: Not having a Barcalounger?
CHRISTOPHER: Flat-screen TV here -- high def, day and night. And you know what else might work? One of those electronic fish -- what do they call it? -- The Big-mouth Billy Bass fish. You know what they are right. When somebody walks by, they flap their mouths and sing songs like "don't worry, be happy" and "take me to the river."
LORELAI: You're kidding.
CHRISTOPHER: I'm totally kidding, except for the flat-screen. We need a flat screen.
LORELAI: No! I'd rather have the Big-mouth Billy Bass fish.
CHRISTOPHER: What's wrong?
LORELAI: It's so "meet George Jetson, his boy, Elroy" -- Leroy?
CHRISTOPHER: Elroy -- and it's not. Look, I'm all for small-town charm. I'm happy to move here, sit out on the front porch, and give the mailman a real chipper "howdy-do."
LORELAI: Don't you dare.
CHRISTOPHER: But there's a line. I'm not gonna cobble my own shoes, churn butter, or watch a TV from 1976.
LORELAI: What? This baby has a remote that has 19 buttons on it.
CHRISTOPHER: You do have running water, don't you?
LORELAI: Hardy har har.
CHRISTOPHER: Oh, you can say "hardy har har," but I can't say "howdy-do"?
LORELAI: Life's not fair.
CHRISTOPHER: What's your problem with a giant flat-screen? I mean you love TV.
LORELAI: Yeah but just because I love something doesn't mean I want it to be giant. I love grapes, you know, but I don't want to sit down and eat one humongous gr-- no, that would be fun. [Phone rings] Hello?
RORY: Hey. Welcome home.
LORELAI: Finally! I have been calling and calling.
RORY: Yes, I know, since 5:00 A.M.
LORELAI: Well, that's noon Parisian time.
RORY: Well then you should call your Parisian daughter because your American one was asleep.
CHRISTOPHER: Hi, honey.
LORELAI: Your dad says hi.
RORY: High dad how was the trip?
LORELAI: Um tonight, I'll tell you everything when you come for dinner tonight.
RORY: I can't come tonight.
LORELAI: What you have to.
RORY: I have a study group. My major English quotes professor's trying to kill me.
LORELAI: Well, all the more reason to stay away from him. Seriously, he sounds dangerous.
RORY: I'll come over the weekend.
LORELAI: No, Rory, it has to be tonight.
RORY: Why?
LORELAI: Uh...s-snails.
RORY: Snails?
LORELAI: W-we -- your dad and I brought back snails.
RORY: Like for eating?
LORELAI: Yes, and if we don't cook them tonight, they'll go bad.
[Chris looks on amused]
RORY: Mom.
LORELAI: Well, it's true. It has to be tonight. Please.
RORY: Fine. I'll be there.
LORELAI: Good!
RORY: I'm going back to bed.
LORELAI: Oh what at 1:00 in the afternoon? Lazy girl. My Parisian daughter's such a go-getter. She's been up and around for hours.
RORY: See you tonight.
LORELAI: All right, she's coming.
CHRISTOPHER: Snails?
LORELAI: Well, I just -- as long as she's coming.
CHRISTOPHER: So you said snails?
LORELAI: Well I had to say something.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, at least we have a plan now. We'll sit her down in the kitchen, feed her snails, and tell her we got married. [Chuckles]
LORELAI: Oh, my god. [Sighs] I just hate that she doesn't know.
CHRISTOPHER: Well she's gonna know tonight when we tell her.
LORELAI: Yeah.
CHRISTOPHER: Lor?
LORELAI: Yeah.
CHRISTOPHER: She's gonna be happy...
LORELAI: [Chuckles]
CHRISTOPHER: Her parents just got married. It's the dream.
LORELAI: Yeah. Maybe I should tell her by myself.
CHRISTOPHER: Together -- we agreed. We're gonna tell her together.
LORELAI: Yeah No, you're right, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm just so used to it just being me and her. I'll feel better when she knows.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, she'll know tonight when we tell her...
LORELAI: Yeah.
CHRISTOPHER: With snails.
LORELAI: [Chuckles] Now we have to get snails.
CHRISTOPHER: We'll find snails.
LORELAI: Where do you get snails.
CHRISTOPHER: Maybe Doose's has snails.
LORELAI: Doose's doesn't have snails.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, then, we'll go to a snail store -- emporium. We'll find snails.
LORELAI: And a recipe.
CHRISTOPHER: They will have a recipe at the snail emporium.
LORELAI: Really?
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah.
LORELAI: All right.
OPENING CREDITS
LOGAN'S APARTMENT BUILDING - ELEVATOR
[The doors opens, Rory is on the phone, she gets out and walks along the hall to the apartment.]
LOGAN: So you really liked the chamber music?
RORY: The part I was awake for, anyway. And then, after that, we went to see a basketball game.
LOGAN: Slightly less obscure.
RORY: Yeah right, a lot of people seem to be into the sports thing. And I can see why -- the fast pace, the school spirit.
LOGAN: You liked it?
RORY: Again, the part I was awake for.
LOGAN: Wow, a real basketball fan, huh?
[Enters the apartment]
RORY: Ah! Oh, my god!
LOGAN: [Chuckles]
RORY: What is wrong with you!
LOGAN: You're not happy to see me.
RORY: Well, of course I am, but why do you insist on scaring me half to death every time you're in town?
LOGAN: Well besides the fact that it's really fun -- well, actually, that's it. It's just really fun.
RORY: Oh man just once, you could call me and tell me you're coming home, like a normal person. Normal's boring. Normal's overrated. Normal's not why you love me.
[They kiss]
RORY: So, what's going on? Why are you here?
LOGAN: You know that space we've been trying to book for our launch party?
RORY: The orchid room.
LOGAN: Yeah, the problem is, it's booked till like 2008, or it was until Nadine Maybrooke broke up with Jamie Erman, thus canceling their engagement party and freeing the space up tonight.
RORY: Poor Nadine and Jamie.
LOGAN: Hey, I invited them. The more the merrier, it's gonna be hugh.
RORY: So, you're having your launch party tonight.
LOGAN: Well, actually, it's our prelaunch launch party. Our launch party will take more than 48 hours to plan. It starts at 9:00. You can be there, right?
RORY: Oh yeah I'm having dinner with my parents, but I can stop by right after.
LORELAI: When did they get back from France?
RORY: Last night. I would just skip it, but my mom really wants to see me and, apparently, make me snails.
LOGAN: Okay. Well, then, I guess I'll see you post-snails. It should be a pretty good time. We've got a huge guest list. Bobbi's pulled out all the stops. She's she's contracted five of the hottest P.R. Agents in the city and has them hunkered in a war room. I'd be surprised if she lets them take bathroom breaks.
RORY: hum you can't stop Bobbi.
LOGAN: Ace.
RORY: What, no, I like Bobbi. I do. I don't like the fact that she's not a big, swarthy dude. But I recognize that my issues with Bobbi have nothing to do with her. She's lovely, she's you colleague It doesn't matter that her legs come up to my nose.
LOGAN: "A big, swarthy dude"?
RORY: With a cheesy goatee.
LOGAN: Well, maybe she'll agree to the goatee. And, hey, you want to come with me tomorrow and check out apartments?
RORY: Apartment, like, to live in?
LOGAN: I know it is cliché, but, yes, I intend to live in my apartment.
RORY: In Manhattan?
LOGAN: Unless I strike you as a Staten island kind of guy.
RORY: You're moving to New York...
LORELAI: Pretty much.
RORY: Which is an hour away?
LOGAN: Actually an hour and 20 minutes.
RORY: That's so much closer than London!
LOGAN: You've been brushing up on your geography hu?
RORY: No I just can't believe it. I mean, it's huge. It's amazing. I...
LOGAN: Are you happy?
RORY: I'm so happy!
[They hug]
LOGAN: Come on. Let's get something to drink.
RORY: But why do you have to get your own apartment, why can't you just live here with me?
LOGAN: I'd love to, ace, but I think I'd end up seeing more of the I-95 than I would of you. I mean my hours are gonna be crazy. If I live near the office, I can crawl home at 3:00 in the morning and crawl back to work at 7:00.
RORY: That's a lot of crawling.
LOGAN: It just doesn't make sense logistically.
RORY: So it's just gonna be me here?
LOGAN: Well you were gonna live here by yourself anyway.
RORY: I know, but if you're gonna have your whole new apartment, then you're gonna need all your stuff.
LOGAN: Don't worry I'm not gonna clean you out, ace.
RORY: I'll be fine. Take your stuff.
LOGAN: It's not gonna happen, new apartment, new stuff.
RORY: Really?
LOGAN: Yeah. I-I want a fresh start.
RORY: Hey well I mean, you should take some of your stuff, like your favorite stuff.
LOGAN: Like what?
RORY: Like, you know, you can't live without your suit of armor, can you? I mean you really want to take that.
LOGAN: You don't like Henry?
RORY: Well it's not that I don't like Henry it's just that he creeps me out.
LOGAN: Oh man now you just hurt Henry's feelings.
RORY: Well he's gonna have to grow a little tougher chain mail then if he's gonna make it on the mean streets of New York.
LOGAN: You're heartless, Gilmore.
LUKE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
LUKE: You hungry?
APRIL: Uh-huh.
LUKE: You want some juice?
APRIL: Uh-huh.
LUKE: Notice my hair is green?
APRIL: Uh-huh. Uh, hey?
LUKE: Dinners ready.
APRIL: Five more minutes?
LUKE: After dinner -- wash your hands. So what's so interesting, anyway?
APRIL: Hyperphagia.
LUKE: Oh, right. Cool.
APRIL: That's just a fancy term for overeating. It's what bears do in preparation for hibernation.
LUKE: Oh hey did I tell you about the time I saw a grizzly bear on a camping trip?
APRIL: Are you serious?
LUKE: 500 pounds, easy. [putting dinner on the table] Turkey burgers, sweet potato fries, broccoli.
APRIL: Thanks. So, what did you do?
LUKE: Just backed away real slow, avoided eye contact -- that's how you show you're submissive.
APRIL: Really?
LUKE: Yeah it's all about body language. And you've got to try to stay calm.
APRIL: Hm. Were you?
LUKE: No.
APRIL: I forgot to tell you what happened with Rachel today.
LUKE: Did she apologize to Melissa? Are they talking again?
APRIL: Yeah, but they won't be as soon as Melissa finds out that Rachel asked Joanna to come with her to Florida to visit her grandparents.
LUKE: [Nods to agree]
APRIL: Did you remember to wash my jean skirt?
LUKE: It's hanging in the bathroom.
APRIL: Cool I want to wear it to Sabrina's party. I was going to wear that purple dress, but last time I wore it, Adam called me "Purple Nardini" all day.
LUKE: [Nods to agree]
APRIL: Yeah, it's a pretty uninspired insult, but the way he said it was so annoying. And now, since he knows it bugs me, he's probably just gonna keep saying it all night.
LUKE: "All night"?
APRIL: At Sabrina's party.
LUKE: Why would Adam be at her party?
APRIL: Because he was invited.
LUKE: To Sabrina's birthday?
APRIL: Well, yeah.
LUKE: Wait Sabrina's a girl, right?
APRIL: Yeah.
LUKE: And Adam's a boy?
APRIL: Yeah.
LUKE: And he'll be at her party?
APRIL: Yeah, it's a boy-girl party.
LUKE: What's that mean?
APRIL: [moving the salt and pepper as she talks] Well it means there will both be boys... and girls at the party.
LUKE: Yeah. All right. I just didn't know you were going to boy-girl parties, that's all.
APRIL: Well It's my first one. I only got invited 'cause Sabrina's parents made her invite the whole class. But I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
LUKE: So, you're mom's okay with you going to a boy-girl party?
APRIL: Of course. I'm 13.
LUKE: So, um, listen. This is probably a stupid question, but... is there gonna be kissing at this party?
APRIL: Okay! Ew, dad!
LUKE: What?
APRIL: Oh, gross!
LUKE: What's gross -- kissing?
APRIL: No, you talking about kissing.
LUKE: What? All right, all right, I won't say "kissing."
APRIL: Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! Stop! Stop!
LUKE: All right! I-I'm not saying it at all. Done -- new topic. I promise.
APRIL: The fries are really good.
LUKE: Good, good. Then eat your broccoli, too.
LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Rory comes in the front door and if greeted buy Lorelai]
RORY: Hello?!
LORELAI: [Gasps] Honey! Oh, hi! [She kiss Rory in both cheeks] That's how we do it on the continent.
RORY: But of course. Hey, dad.
CHRISTOPHER: Hi, honey. [They hug]
LORELAI: Come on. Come in! Come in!
RORY: What are you wearing?
LORELAI: I hear it's called an apron.
RORY: Interesting why are you wearing that?
LORELAI: Well because I've been cooking snails...
RORY: You're kidding me.
LORELAI: Been cooking snails and dealing with snail spatter.
RORY: [Too Chris] She really cook those?
CHRISTOPHER: She really did.
LORELAI: What do you mean I told you I was gonna cook them.
RORY: Yeah but I thought it was just like a euphemism.
LORELAI: A euphemism for what?
RORY: A euphemism for "I'm ordering a pizza."
CHRISTOPHER: Come sit, sit.
RORY: So, how was your trip?
LORELAI: Oh, no. First, a glass of wine -- we went to the Chateau Du Nozet in the Loire valley, and this is Pouilly Fumé. It's supposed to be one of the best in the land, and after trying 10 varietals -- note the use of "varietal"...
RORY: Noted.
LORELAI: ...Believe me, you tend to believe them.
CHRISTOPHER: We were drunk by the end of the tour, we bought a case.
RORY: Cool so you went to a winery? What else, what else did you do?
LORELAI: Um, here. Try a snail.
RORY: Uh, no.
LORELAI: Please? Come on. I made them.
RORY: You try one.
LORELAI: I'm full i've been snacking on them all day.
RORY: Well see and I had a lunch of bugs and lizards, so I'm good, too.
CHRISTOPHER: All right you know what, I'll try one.
RORY: You sure you don't want a lime and some salt so you can do it like a tequila shot?
CHRISTOPHER: I'm good. All right, you ready? One, two...
RORY: Well, how's it taste?
LORELAI: Well.
CHRISTOPHER: Sort of like a buttered gummi bear.
RORY: Pass. So, what else? Tell me -- France.
LORELAI: Okay, here it is. Um... while we were in France, your dad and I -- we got married.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: We got married.
RORY: You got married married?
LORELAI: Married married.
RORY: Really?
LORELAI: [Nods]
RORY: Um... wow. Wow. Um... hey, congratulations. T-that's -- that's so great.
CHRISTOPHER: Thanks. We're so excited.
RORY: Um, how? When?
LORELAI: UM...
CHRISTOPHER: Two days ago, in Giverny. It's about an hour outside Paris. It's where Monet had his studio, where he painted the water lilies.
RORY: Oh, so y-you guys just went there to get married?
LORELAI: Oh, no, we just went there to walk around, to see the lilies. And, um, then it started raining, and there was this little church, and, uh...
CHRISTOPHER: It was so beautiful, and we were so happy, and we got married.
RORY: Wow.
CHRISTOPHER: The ceremony was in French, so there's only a 90% chance that we're actually married. There's a 10% chance we were issued a very expensive dog license.
RORY: Wow. Wow. Um... oh, I'm -- I'm so happy for you guys.
LORELAI: Really?
CHRISTOPHER: You know, we need champagne.
LORELAI: Yes.
CHRISTOPHER: Do we have champagne?
LORELAI: Uh, in the c-cooler in the garage, maybe.
CHRISTOPHER: Okay
LORELAI: Okay.
CHRISTOPHER: I'll be right back.
LORELAI: Okay! [Sighs as the door closes] Well?
RORY: What?
LORELAI: What do you think?
RORY: Um, what do you mean?
LORELAI: I mean, what do you think?
RORY: I don't know, mom. I can't believe that you did this.
LORELAI: You're mad?
RORY: Yes, I'm mad.
LORELAI: Rory...
RORY: Just stop, okay? Don't.
LORELAI: Okay, but...
RORY: I can't do this right now. Because Dad is about to come back in here, and I just can't.
LORELAI: Okay.
CHRISTOPHER: Unfortunately, we went all the way to France and didn't come back with a bottle of champagne, so we're gonna have to make do with California's finest.
RORY: It's okay.
[Lorelai looks at Rory as the cork pops]
PRE-LAUNCH PARTY
[Rory enters]
FEMALE GUEST: [talking to another guest] And she showed me her ring, this huge canary diamond. Looked like something Paris Hilton would wear.
LOGAN: Hey, you made it.
RORY: I made it.
LOGAN: You look beautiful. [They kiss] How was dinner did your mom really make snails?
RORY: Well not only did she make snails, she got married.
LOGAN: What?
RORY: In France -- to my dad.
LOGAN: Wow.
RORY: Yeah.
LOGAN: Wow!
RORY: I know.
LOGAN: How do you feel about it?
RORY: Ah you mean besides really bad?
LOGAN: Well do you want a drink?
RORY: No, I'm good for now.
LOGAN: Let's go outside and talk about it.
RORY: Um no, I'm okay. I mean I will want to talk about it, but right now I'm still processing.
LOGAN: Well it's a lot to process, don't feel like you have to stay if you don't want to.
RORY: Oh, no. I want to be here.
LOGAN: Are you sure?
RORY: Yeah, little-known fact -- I am quite the compartmentalizer. In fact, I have a blister on my heel. I've been ignoring it all evening.
LOGAN: Alright well if you change your mind, you want to talk about it...
RORY: I'm fine, this is your night. So how can I help?
LOGAN: Just be your charming, blister-ignoring self.
RORY: I can do that. So, who's here? Or, rather, who's not here?
LOGAN: Yeah we got a pretty good turnout, huh?
RORY: Yeah.
LOGAN: Alright see that guy right there? He's a Rockefeller. He doesn't like you to talk about the fact, that he's a Rockefeller but we wants you to know he's a Rockefeller. So if you talk to him make sure he knows you know, but don't say you know.
RORY: I'm gonna try to work in the phrase "standard oil."
LOGAN: Behind us - Boykin and his fiancée, Celery. And, no, I'm not kidding. Those are their real names.
RORY: Un here "Meet my boyfriend, Boykin." Try saying that five times fast.
PHILLIP: Rory, you made it!
[They kiss on both cheeks.]
RORY: Yeah.
LOGAN: Hey.
NICK: Hey, Rory.
RORY: Hi.
PHILLIP: You look beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
NICK: Careful man you're drooling.
PHILLIP: How are things at Yale? Only six months until you're sprung free, right?
RORY: Yeah. Don't remind me. I'm so not ready to be sprung.
PHILLIP: Oh stop you'll be brilliant. Can I get you a drink?
RORY: Oh, thanks.
PHILLIP: I'll be back.
BOBBI: Hello, Rory, darling.
RORY: Hi.
[They kiss on both cheeks.]
BOBBI: I'm so happy you made it. That dress is so cute.
RORY: Oh, thanks. Um, your dress is cute, too.
BOBBI: [Chuckles] Thank you, sweetheart. So, bit of exciting news -- "page six" is here.
LOGAN: Really?
RORY: Wow. Congratulations.
NICK: It's all Bobbi.
BOBBI: Oh, rubbish. Oh before I forget, you sent a case of champagne to Joe McMillan. His website's trash, but we need him to write something smashing about us.
LOGAN: Sounds good.
NICK: Damn, Oscar Schroeder's limo didn't show. I've got to find him another one, the gentleman can't be expected to walk three whole blocks.
BOBBI: Ooh, Tripp Cavanaugh?
LOGAN: Tripp! Hey, man, glad you could make it. [they shake hands] Bobbi, you know Tripp.
TRIPP: Hey sweetheart. [They kiss on both cheeks.]
LOGAN: And this is my girlfriend, Rory Gilmore.
TRIPP: Nice to meet you.
RORY: Nice to meet you to.
[He leans in to kiss Rory on the cheek]
RORY: Oh.
[Then the other]
RORY: Oh.
BOBBI: Tripp's just back from Tortola. He's building an incredible house there.
LOGAN: Wow congratulations.
TRIPP: Well we'll see construction on the island is such a joke. I mean try getting anyone to meet a schedule.
LOGAN: I've heard that.
TRIPP: Plus, my property's totally isolated, which will be great once the house is built, but it's a construction nightmare. [Logan and Rory look on like they are only half interested in what Tripp has to say] Turns out, the bridge that accesses my land can't take the weight of the truck carrying the supplies. So we had to off-load the supplies onto a smaller vehicle. That necessitated 2 forklifts, none of this is covered in the estimate, of course.
BOBBI: It never is.
TRIPP: Anyway, so we finally got the materials -- finally.
RORY: Oh, great.
TRIPP: Yeah unfortunately, that's when the real trouble began. Without consulting me they decided to move the pool over 10 feet 'cause the excavation crew needed more room for their equipment. Well of course, I flip. I mean who ever heard of a pool right in the middle of the backyard?
RORY: Well, not me.
TRIPP: Right I told them that was unacceptable and they have to move.
PHOTOGRAPHER: Can I get a picture of you guys?
BOBBI: Oh sure.
LOGAN: Absolutely.
[They move in close together, the photo is take.]
BOBBI: I've got correct names and spellings. [Goes of with the photographer.]
TRIPP: Where was I?
RORY: Um, your pool.
TRIPP: So we shifted the thing back 10 feet, thank God, but when they started digging in the right place, we found out that the soil in Tortola is far more porous than we initially thought.
LOGAN: Oh, god.
RORY: Bummer.
TRIPP: Yeah bummer is right, so we had to lay down a drainage system, or at least that was the plan. But it turns out in Tortola they have these building codes that specifically...
BOBBI: Tripp, have you met Natasha Wolfe?
TRIPP: No I don't think so.
BOBBI: Oh god you have to meet her. She has a house in Tortola, as well. Come come.
TRIPP: Will you excuse me?
LOGAN: Absolutely.
RORY: Nice meeting you.
RORY: Um, can we please never go to Tortola?
LOGAN: I don't even want to meet John Turturro.
RORY: Or eat tortellini.
LOGAN: Hey, you'll actually like this guy. Hugo.
HUGO: Logan. Hey. How you doing, man?
LOGAN: Not to bad, this is my girlfriend, Rory Gilmore.
HUGO: Hey Hugo Grace, nice to meet you.
RORY: You to.
LOGAN: Hugo spent two years working at the New York Times, another couple at Slate, and then the Paris Review under George Plimpton.
RORY: Wow did you just worship at his feet?
HUGO: I tried, but he kept telling me to get off the ground.
LOGAN: Hugo's starting a new online magazine -- lots of buzz.
HUGO: It could mean nothing.
LOGAN: Could mean something.
HUGO: See why I like this guy?
RORY: You don't have to convince me.
LOGAN: Rory's the editor of the Yale Daily News.
RORY: I was the editor I just abdicated my throne -- or, rather, my swivel chair.
HUGO: That's impressive.
PHILLIP: Your drink -- sorry it got waylaid. [Too Logan] Need you help buddy, Dan Cryer's about one drink away from hitting on Jerrickson's wife.
LOGAN: That would be bad. [The group laughs] Excuse me.
HUGO: Hey I'm gonna monopolize you a little bit longer. If you don't mind, once you find somebody that can talk about something other than stock quotes at one of these things, you kinda hold on for dear life.
RORY: Oh God I know what you mean.
HUGO: It's pretty different from parties at Yale?
RORY: Fewer drunken musings on Roland Barthes. Although, on the plus side, I am learning a great deal about the tackiness of the canary diamond.
HUGO: They're not teaching that these days? Tell me they at least have a course in piloting the family jet.
RORY: Sadly, no.
HUGO: Man, no wonder we're falling behind the Japanese. Is it the Chinese now? I know we're definitely falling behind someone. So ah, what kind of pieces you write at Yale?
RORY: Um a little bit of everything, that's the great thing about being editor -- you can pretty much give yourself the best pieces. I got to interview Barack Obama a couple weeks ago. He came to speak at campus
HUGO: Really? Did you ask you buddy Barack if he's gonna run in 2008?
RORY: Well what kind of journalist would I be if I didn't?
HUGO: And?
RORY: Standard answer -- "no current plans." But I saw a twinkle in his eye.
HUGO: Well, you can't quote a twinkle.
RORY: But you can describe it.
HUGO: Good point. Hey, listen. If you want to submit something to my site, I'd be happy to take a look at it.
RORY: Really? Wow that would be great, what kind of pieces are you looking for?
HUGO: Ah ,cultural and social observations. We're sort of Slate meets New York Times' "lifestyle" section, before they sold out.
RORY: Ha-ha cool.
HUGO: You can definitely write about a party like this.
RORY: Really.
LOGAN: [Coming back] I got Cryer talking golf -- disaster averted.
RORY: Good job.
HUGO: Oh listen I've got to take off, man. I got an early morning.
LOGAN: All right, man. Thanks a lot for coming out. I really appreciate it.
HUGO: No thank you. It was nice to meet you, Rory.
RORY: You to.
HUGO: And here's my card. There you go.
RORY: Thanks.
HUGO: We'll see you guys around
RORY: Bye.
LOGAN: Thanks. Look at you, getting a card.
RORY: I know, he said I should submit a piece for him, like something about this party.
LOGAN: Seriously you have to do it.
RORY: I know. I am.
TRIPP: Logan, Rory I am so sorry I got pulled away. Natasha Wolfe actually has a house on another one of the beef islands. No Tortola. Still, she had an interesting experience when she was building.
LORELAI'S HOUSE - EXTERIOR
[Lorelai is in her cell phone]
LORELAI: Okay, I'm just gonna leave you one more message, and then I'm gonna start sending telegrams. [Sighs] Honey, I-I know you think this marriage was a big step, and... and it seems impulsive to you, and we talked about going slow, and this seems like the opposite of slow. And, in some ways, it is. And, in some ways, it really isn't. And I really want to talk to you about it. So, please, call me back... or respond to any of my forthcoming telegrams. Okay. Bye-bye.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LOGAN'S APARTMENT
RORY: I don't know I think the piece is good. I was just on a roll. You know I mean, I was hopped up. I couldn't sleep. I was just way too excited, and I drank way too much coffee -- way too much coffee. Oh, I should, I should really stop talking and let you finish reading.
[Rory's cell phone beeps. "one new message"]
LORELAI: Okay, I'm just gonna leave you one more message...
[Rory ends the message and puts the phone down]
RORY: So... what do you think?
LOGAN: I don't know what to say.
RORY: Oh, yeah I know the ending is a little convoluted, but I...
LOGAN: It's not convoluted. You made your feelings perfectly clear.
RORY: What do you mean.
LOGAN: Just that it must have been really hard for you at my party, surrounded by all those people with -- how do you put it? "Who can no more imagine a world without trust funds than a world without water -- imported and bubbly, of course."
RORY: Oh no that was meant to be funny...
LOGAN: It sounds like it was torturous, being stuck there with "these overprivileged sons and daughters of somebodies "who fail to grasp how out of touch they seem "to those of us who don't have an errant domestic employee or a construction problem on beef island."
RORY: You're mad?
LOGAN: You're damn right I'm mad.
RORY: But you were making fun of these people all night.
LOGAN: I joking I wasn't standing there judging everyone.
RORY: I didn't judge everyone.
LOGAN: The title is "Let Them Drink Cosmos." I was joking with my girlfriend. I wasn't comparing a whole class of people to Marie Antoinette.
RORY: I'm so I really didn't think that this would upset you.
LOGAN: You didn't think it would upset me?
RORY: No, no. I was just writing. I mean I was worked up. I was mad at my mom. Maybe that kind of got into the piece somehow. But, no, this was meant to be funny. I didn't think you would take it personally. I mean you're totally different from these people.
LOGAN: No, I'm not, and you know what I don't want to be.
RORY: Logan...
LOGAN: What I'm a rich trust-fund kid. I'm not ashamed of it.
RORY: No and you shouldn't be. That's not what I meant. I mean, the point or the point I was trying to make was that people use connections to get ahead.
LOGAN: Oh give me a break, you act like making connections is something nefarious. It's just people meeting people.
RORY: Well, it's certain people meeting certain people. It's not like anyone's meeting Joe bus driver.
LOGAN: And you're Joe bus driver.
RORY: Well, no, but...
LOGAN: Exactly, I mean where do you get off acting all morally superior?
RORY: That is not what I intended to say at all.
LOGAN: You clearly think you are. Why? Because you read "Ironweed"? 'Cause you saw "Norma Rae"?
RORY: Logan...
LOGAN: Wake up Rory whether you like it or not, you're one of us. You went to prep school. You go to Yale. Your grandparents are building a whole damn astronomy building in your name.
RORY: That is different, okay? It's not like I live off a $5-million trust fund my parents set up for me.
LOGAN: Yeah well, you're not exactly paying rent, either.
RORY: [Scoffs] Screw you, Logan.
LORELAI: [Sighs]
LUKE'S APARTMENT
[Luke is washing dishes]
LUKE: So you're getting ready for the party, huh?
APRIL: Yep.
LUKE: I can get you some real wrapping paper.
APRIL: Did you not see "An Inconvenient Truth"?
LUKE: Are you okay?
APRIL: Yeah, I just have a little stomachache that's all.
LUKE: [Sounding a little worried] Yeah.
APRIL: Okay what do you think. I put this article on Darfur on the front, you know to put things in perspective in case Sabrina doesn't like the CD that I picked out for her.
LUKE: Oh that's looks pretty good. So, I wanted to talk to you about tonight. [April holds her side] Hey, are you sure you're okay? Maybe you should get something to eat.
APRIL: I'm not hungry. Hand me the tape, please.
LUKE: Sweetie, you don't look so good.
APRIL: Well that's not a nice thing to say to someone who's on her way to her first boy-girl party.
LUKE: Oh yeah, sorry.
APRIL: Tape please...
LUKE: So, look, about the party.
APRIL: Yeah? [reaches for the tape]
LUKE: I want to talk to you about that thing we were talking about the other night. I'm not gonna use the "k" word, okay? Instead, I'll just use "juggiling," okay?
APRIL: "Juggiling"?
LUKE: "Juggiling"
APRIL: Okay.
LUKE: Okay, so here's the thing. Even if all the other kids are juggiling and you might feel like you want to juggile, too, I don't think you should juggile before you're ready.
APRIL: I know.
LUKE: And I don't think you're ready.
APRIL: How do you know?
LUKE: Well let's put it this way. I'm not ready.
APRIL: Well that seems arbitrary, since you're not the one doing it.
LUKE: Yeah, it may be, but, still, if I let you go to this party, you have to promise me that you won't juggile with boys.
APRIL: Fine.
LUKE: "Fine"?
APRIL: Yes. Fine.
LUKE: Okay.
APRIL: [Sighs] Shoot, where'd I put Sabrina's card?
LUKE: Oh I...
APRIL: Oh, there it is. [Sighs]
LUKE: Hey, are you sure you're okay?
APRIL: I feel fine.
LUKE: Here let me feel your forehead.
APRIL: I feel fine.
LUKE: Y-- April, you have a fever.
APRIL: I swear, dad, I feel fine.
LUKE: You can't go to the party if you're sick.
APRIL: I'm not sick!
LUKE: Yeah, you are, sweetie.
APRIL: You just don't want me to go!
LUKE: That's not true.
APRIL: It is! You don't trust me!
LUKE: Of course I do. Look there will be other parties.
APRIL: NO!
LUKE: I'm sorry, April. You're sick.
APRIL: I'm not!
LUKE: Yeah, you are, sweetie.
APRIL: I can go!
LUKE: No, you can't. [goes off to her bed]
APRIL: You suck as a dad!
LUKE: [Sits down a sighs]
LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai at the answering machine]
ANSWERING MACHINE: You have no messages.
CHRISTOPHER: I think this is the last of the clothes.
LORELAI: Oh yeah.
CHRISTOPHER: Uh-um.
LORELAI: Aah! Come here. What is that?
CHRISTOPHER: What? It's a shirt. What's wrong with a shirt?
LORELAI: Let's start with the color. It's peach.
CHRISTOPHER: I look good in peach.
LORELAI: Exactly. Men who buy peach shirts buy it 'cause think they look good in peach, which means they really thought about it, which means they're obsessed with their looks!
CHRISTOPHER: I'm not obsessed with my looks!
LORELAI: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a peach shirt.
CHRISTOPHER: Alright just leave my stuff alone.
LORELAI: Oh, my god, you dirty thief.
CHRISTOPHER: Excuse me?
LORELAI: You stinking, lying, stinking, ratty, dirty thief!
CHRISTOPHER: What?
LORELAI: This is my Police "Synchronicity" t-shirt. I have been missing this for 22 years! I asked you if you had it! I looked you right in the face, and you denied it!
CHRISTOPHER: I lied.
LORELAI: Oh, you lied! You lied! [Chris laughs] Do you know how long I looked for this?! Days and days and then I accused my mother of throwing it out, and she said she didn't, and, oh, my god, I hated her. Oh my god I could have had the best relationship with my mother if only you hadn't stolen my shirt. Well, keep laughing, buddy, because, I'll tell you, the laugh's on you now! You better get used to seeing this shirt, because I have to make up for 22 years of not wearing it. Where do you think you're going?
CHRISTOPHER: I'm dropping this stuff off in Rory's room. Actual I guess it's Gigi's room now. Wow, that's weird, huh?
LORELAI: Really weird.
CHRISTOPHER: A big selling point -- the proximity of this room to the kitchen. I don't know why but Gigi was incredibly psyched about that.
LORELAI: Why? You feed her, don't you, Hmm?
CHRISTOPHER: I knew there was something I was forgetting. [Chris moves a lap off the desk]
LORELAI: Wow what are you doing?
CHRISTOPHER: I'm just seeing how heavy it is, Thought maybe we could move it in the garage, get Gigi's coloring table in here.
LORELAI: Yes, or we could just leave it right here.
CHRISTOPHER: Nah, Gigi's not gonna need it for a couple years. Oh you know what I was thinking, trundle beds.
LORELAI: Trundle beds?
CHRISTOPHER: For when Rory comes to visit.
LORELAI: Uh, okay. Wait. I'm sorry. Slow down.
CHRISTOPHER: Why?
LORELAI: Um... I just -- I don't want to change Rory's room all around without consulting her.
CHRISTOPHER: She's not gonna care. She's graduating in the spring.
LORELAI: Right and lots of college graduates end up back home, where they need their desks.
CHRISTOPHER: Lor.
LORELAI: What I'm just being realistic. Okay it's not like she's gonna be an investment banker. You know she's gonna be a journalist, and journalists get paid crap.
CHRISTOPHER: So if she needs money, we'll help her out.
LORELAI: Right. Okay. That's fine. But, still, why not just leave Rory's room as it is? Give Gigi something to aspire to. Things worked out pretty well for Rory. I mean, she went to Yale.
CHRISTOPHER: Lor...
LORELAI: Chris?
CHRISTOPHER: I know it's difficult, but things around here are gonna change.
LORELAI: You think I don't know that? I just, uh... I don't want Rory to feel like the rug's being pulled out from under her, you know, like she's being kicked out.
CHRISTOPHER: Rory's gonna be fine.
LORELAI: You don't know that. She's already upset.
CHRISTOPHER: About what?
LORELAI: About you and me, about the marriage.
CHRISTOPHER: She seemed fine when we told her.
LORELAI: In front of you, and then you left, and... [Sighs] ...She told me she was really upset.
CHRISTOPHER: What? H-how could you not tell me that?
LORELAI: Well, honey, I...
CHRISTOPHER: No, I'm her father, Lorelai. We're married now.
LORELAI: Okay, well, I'm telling you now. [Sighs]
CHRISTOPHER: Let's call her. We should talk about it.
LORELAI: I did.
CHRISTOPHER: And?
LORELAI: And she's not answering right now. But it'll be okay, you know? It'll be fine. It's just -- it's a sensitive thing, and, uh... and I-I just feel like we should give it time, you know, before we spring trundle beds on her.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, okay.
LORELAI: I mean she just needs time to adjust.
CHRISTOPHER: Okay.
LORELAI: Okay?
CHRISTOPHER: There's a few more things I got to bring in from the car.
[Lorelai places the lamp back on the desk how it was]
OLIVIA AND LUCY'S APARTMENT
RORY: He's the one who insisted I move in with him, begged me practically and now he throws it back in my face, like I'm some kind of leech.
LUCY: That's such a low blow.
RORY: So low. Uh I hate everyone today.
OLIVIA: Including us?
RORY: Well no, not you guys, but don't cross me, sister.
LUCY: Keep reading, Liv.
RORY: I'm practically homeless. Obviously, I can't live there.
LUCY: You can move in with us.
RORY: Is that allowed?
LUCY: Well not technically.
OLIVIA: But we have a hot plate, and we're not allowed to have that either.
LUCY: Will you finish reading that article so I can read it?
OLIVIA: Okay, okay.
LUCY: Seriously Rory, you should just move in here with us. We'll make a smaller common room. We'll put up a temporary wall.
RORY: You know how to do that?
LUCY: I don't, but boyfriend's super handy.
RORY: Oh, right.
LUCY: He put up those bookshelves, and they're fine for, you know, paperbacks.
RORY: You know what don't worry about me you guys are taking enough of a risk with that hot plate. I will figure something out.
LUCY: Well, if you need to...
RORY: Yeah. Thanks.
OLIVIA: Here. [Hand Lucy the article.]
RORY: So, what did you think?
OLIVIA: It's a really great piece.
RORY: You think.
OLIVIA: Yeah you're an awesome writer.
RORY: Thanks.
OLIVIA: It was sharp and funny, and I could totally see everything and imagine everyone.
RORY: Thanks. And it's not mean, right?
OLIVIA: No, no, it's mean.
LUCY: Yeah, it is mean, and I'm only on the first paragraph.
OLIVIA: Keep reading it gets meaner.
RORY: It's mean?
OLIVIA: Sort of Lynn Hirshberg meets -- I don't know, someone really mean.
RORY: What? No! No, I'm Fran Lebowitz. It's supposed to be fun, frothy, lighthearted satire, social anthropology. I'm Tama Janowitz.
OLIVIA: A mean Tama Janowitz.
RORY: Oh, god. I'm mean? I'm mean and judgmental, and I didn't even mean to be. I was just trying to sell an article. Well no wonder he's upset.
OLIVIA: Come on! He knows you. It wasn't intentional.
RORY: That's worse! I didn't even mean to be mean, and I was mean, mean and judgmental and insensitive. I really do hate everyone today, including myself. Great. The circle's complete.
LUKE'S APARTMENT
LUKE: You sure you don't want some ginger ale? It'll settle your stomach.
APRIL: I feel fine.
LUKE: Okay. How about a movie? I could rent us a movie. Come on, April. Look I know you're a little upset. But, I promise you, there will be other parties.
APRIL: [Groans]
LUKE: Come on, talk to me. [Sighs, feels Aprils forehead] Wow! Okay, you're really hot, sweetie. Hang on a minute.
[Goes to the phone and dials a number]
LORELAI: Hello?
LUKE: Yeah April's really sick, and I don't know what to do. She's got a fever, and it's her stomach. And she's really pale so I don't...
LORELAI: Okay. Slow down. Did she throw up?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: Did she eat something bad?
LUKE: No she hasn't eaten all day.
LORELAI: Aw, where does it hurt?
LUKE: She's holding her side.
LORELAI: Which side?
LUKE: Her right side. It seems to be getting worse.
LORELAI: Oh wow it could be appendicitis.
LUKE: Appendicitis -- really?
LORELAI: Yeah, yeah it's gonna be okay, but you should take her right to the hospital. Take her to St. Joseph's.
LUKE: Okay. Okay.
ST. JOSEPH'S HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM
[A man and woman sitting behind look are talking]
WOMAN: We have five minutes left.
MAN: No, we don't.
WOMAN: I checked my watch before I fed the meter.
MAN: So did I.
WOMAN: You couldn't have because we've got five minutes left.
NAM: No we don't.
LUKE: [Sounding annoyed] Five minutes have passed since you started this inane conversation. So if I were you I'd put another quarter in and call it a day!
WOMAN: You need to check your watch battery.
MAN: Check my watch? This is a Quartz Timex. You wind it.
LORELAI: [Sighs] Hey.
LUKE: Oh, hey. Hi.
LORELAI: How is she?
LUKE: Okay. It was appendicitis, like you said. But she's okay. I mean the operation went really great. They got it out, no problem. And she's gonna be fine. And I'm gonna be able to see her pretty soon.
LORELAI: Good, good.
LUKE: Yeah you didn't -- you know you didn't have to come, but thanks for coming.
LORELAI: There's nothing worse than taking your kid to the emergency room. You know I remember Rory had food poisoning, and they had to hook her up to an I.V. And she just looked so little and scared. It made me feel like they were gonna have to hook me up to an I.V.
LUKE: I was almost out of my mind, I was so scared. I mean at one point, I got so panicked, I was thinking maybe I'd give her my appendix, you know if they could do some kind of a transplant or something. But I was a little out of my mind.
LORELAI: Well, I'm glad she's gonna be okay.
LUKE: She's gonna be alright...
DOCTOR: Mr. And Mrs. Nardini?
LUKE: Oh, no. Hi, I'm Luke Danes. I'm April's dad.
DOCTOR: Well, she's a little out of it right now, but you and your wife can go in and see her.
LUKE: No, she's not my...
LORELAI: No, I'm not, uh...
[Luke see the wedding ring on Lorelai's finger]
DOCTOR: Oh. Sorry. I just assumed. [pause] So, would both of you like to go in and...
LUKE: I'll just...
LORELAI: You go.
LUKE: Okay.
LORELAI: Okay.
LUKE: All right.
[Lorelai looks at her wedding ring and leaves]
LOGAN'S APARTMENT
[Logan is on his cell phone]
LOGAN: Trust me. Don't call him today. He's going to put his money down. He just doesn't like the aggressive stuff. We have to sit back, relax, let him come to us. If we don't hear from him in a week, then we panic. [Rory comes home] Yeah. Nick, I got to call you back. All right. Bye. [Hangs up] Sorry. [Sighs] I hope it's okay that I'm here.
RORY: Hey, it's your apartment.
LOGAN: Rory [Sighs] I'm so sorry I said that.
RORY: Yeah, well...
LOGAN: I was way out of line. I just...I love it that you're here. You know that I love it that you're here.
RORY: Yeah. No, I know.
LOGAN: I was just upset.
RORY: Well, you had every right to be. That article was awful.
LOGAN: It wasn't awful.
RORY: It was awful and mean and judgmental, as you said. I just, I don't even know why I didn't see that or what I was thinking, except that maybe I wasn't thinking.
LOGAN: Look it's okay.
RORY: No, it's not okay. I was just trying to write a clever article, and I didn't mean to upset you, but I should have thought about it. I should have know.
LOGAN: But if that's the way you feel...
RORY: But that's just it. It's not the way I feel.
LOGAN: You don't have to approve of everything I do.
RORY: I know that, but I actually do. I mean I have total respect for everything that you're doing. I'm so proud of you.
LOGAN: I know you are.
RORY: Do you? Because I really need you to know that.
LOGAN: I really know.
RORY: Because I really am.
LOGAN: I know.
RORY: Promise?
LOGAN: I promise, and look the truth is, I wouldn't be so upset if you weren't such a good writer. I mean, talk about the pen being mightier than the sword. It's true that pen of yours is a howitzer.
RORY: You don't have to say that.
LOGAN: I wouldn't if it wasn't true.
RORY: Can we talk about something besides the article?
LOGAN: Hey you got to compliment me. Let me compliment you.
RORY: We're complimenting each other now?
LOGAN: If you'll let me.
RORY: I guess that's okay.
LOGAN: [Chuckles] You're a really great writer, ace.
RORY: You have great hair.
LOGAN: You've got awesome teeth. I've always admired your teeth.
RORY: Really? I never knew.
LOGAN: Yep, particularly the bottom ones.
RORY: I love you so much.
LOGAN: I love you, too.
[They kiss]
RORY: Um, but here's the thing. I have to move out of this apartment.
LOGAN: No, you don't.
RORY: Yes, I do. I always thought that you would come back and live here. But now that you're getting your own place nearby, it's just different.
LOGAN: No, it's not.
RORY: Yes, it is. It's just something I have to do for me. But you should know that I plan on taking Henry with me.
[Knock on door]
LOGAN: You'll have to take that up with him. You did insult him earlier.
RORY: Did I? Hmm.
[Logan answers the door]
LOGAN: Hey.
LORELAI: Hi. I'm sorry. I would have buzzed up, but Um, I saw a delivery guy coming in, so I slipped in with him. Boy, they sure do eat well over in 4-F. Can I come in?
LOGAN: Oh, yeah. Sure. Come on in.
RORY: What are you doing here?
LORELAI: [Sighs] Well, I just -- I wanted to see you.
LOGAN: Look, I got to run out and take care of a few things. Good to see you, Lorelai.
LORELAI: Thanks. Good to see you. [Logan leaves] I'm guessing your cell phone's not broken, huh?
RORY: I just didn't feel much like talking.
LORELAI: I know. Look I know you're upset. I know this seems sudden and like we didn't think it through. And in a way, it was impulsive. But in other ways, it's been 20 years in the making.
RORY: That's not why I'm upset. I'm glad you're married.
LORELAI: You're glad?
RORY: Yes, I'm -- I'm happy for you. It's wonderful.
LORELAI: Yeah?
RORY: Yeah. You're great together. You love each other. I mean It's every kid's dream, right? Parents get back together. But I wasn't there.
LORELAI: You weren't there.
RORY: I should have been there when you got married.
LORELAI: Yes, you should have been there.
RORY: I mean how would you feel if I got married and you weren't there?
LORELAI: Awful, I would feel awful.
RORY: I feel awful.
LORELAI: Look I'm sorry. You know, I -- of course I wanted you to be there.
RORY: I could have been there. All you had to do was make one phone call. You could have picked up the phone and said, "come to Paris," and I would have come to Paris.
LORELAI: I know that and I did I wanted to call you. But then I thought, if I called you, then you'd want to talk about it, and I'd have to explain. And then maybe I would talk myself out of it. I mean after everything that happened with the engagement, I didn't want a debate. I just wanted to do it, because I am so certain, Rory. I'm so certain that this is right. I really wanted to be married to your dad, and I didn't want to talk my way out of it. I just wanted to do it.
RORY: Well I wouldn't have tried to stop you. I wouldn't have tried to talk you out of it.
LORELAI: No?
RORY: No. I mean the only thing I might have said is maybe you guys would want to come back to the states to get married, so you could have some close friends there, like Sookie and Jackson, maybe grandma and grandpa, Gigi. Or maybe you would have wanted to live together for a while, like six months, just to try it out and...Yeah, I totally would have talked you out of it.
LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry.
RORY: No, don't be sorry. I mean, I'm really happy for you and dad. It's amazing.
LORELAI: It is amazing.
RORY: You're married.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: It's big.
LORELAI: It's big. It's a big change. But nothing's gonna change between you and me. I don't want you to feel weird.
RORY: Okay.
LORELAI: Of course, your dad is gonna put flat-screen TVs in every room in the house, but your house is still your house. Your room is still your room, though we did talk about putting a trundle bed in there for Gigi, So it'd kind of be your room and Gigi's room, but we don't have to do that.
RORY: No I'm down with a trundle bed.
LORELAI: You are?
RORY: Yeah, I love a good trundle. I'll trundle it up with Gigi.
LORELAI: Aw
RORY: Hey, you didn't take dad's name, did you?
LORELAI: No. No. "Hayden"? No. I don't want to be Mrs. Hayden planetarium for the rest of my life. I'm Lorelai Gilmore, okay? Lorelai Gilmore without the "Gilmore" is like... Gil, you know, less. Okay.
LORELAI'S HOUSE - RORY'S/GIGI'S ROOM
[Lorelai is moving the desk]
LORELAI: [Grunts]
CHRISTOPHER: What ya doin'?
LORELAI: Hey. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up.
CHRISTOPHER: You probably shouldn't be moving furniture around at midnight, then.
LORELAI: I'm sorry. [They kiss]
CHRISTOPHER: When did you get back?
LORELAI: About half an hour ago.
CHRISTOPHER: How's April?
LORELAI: She's appendix-less, but she's gonna be okay.
CHRISTOPHER: Good.
LORELAI: I saw Luke.
CHRISTOPHER: Was it okay?
LORELAI: It was fine.
CHRISTOPHER: Good. It's good you went over.
LORELAI: But then I went to see Rory.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah.
LORELAI: Yeah.
CHRISTOPHER: How is she?
LORELAI: She's good, we talked, and she's good.
CHRISTOPHER: Good.
LORELAI: And she's really happy that we're married.
CHRISTOPHER: I knew she would be.
[They kiss again]
LORELAI: Hey, I was thinking about the room.
CHRISTOPHER: Hum-um.
LORELAI: And I was thinking we should paint it...
CHRISTOPHER: Yes.
LORELAI: And we should let Gigi pick the color.
CHRISTOPHER: She's gonna pick pink.
LORELAI: Pink would be great in here. Come on, help me move this out.
CHRISTOPHER: Okay.
LORELAI: [Grunts]
CHRISTOPHER: Hey, so I was upstairs. I got an idea.
LORELAI: Oh.
CHRISTOPHER: How about a flat-screen in the bedroom?
LORELAI: The bedroom?
CHRISTOPHER: Come on.
LORELAI: No!
CHRISTOPHER: Think about it!
ST. JOSEPH'S HOSPITAL - RECOVERY ROOM
[Luke is watching April who is asleep after the operation]
TV: [Man talking] Let's take a look at the national weather map and see what's in store for the country over the next f...
[changes channel] The biggest males weigh over half a ton. [Luke smiles seeing the bear on TV and looks at April] And they're tall enough, at 10 feet, to see forever. The Russian brown bear is identical to our grizzly -- Ursus Arctos Horribilis, "the horrible bear." [another channel, Woman speaking] Are your closets and drawers so cluttered you can't find a thing? [another channel, Man] The killings were the latest in a series...
[another channel, this gets Luke's attention, "The Philadelphia Story"]
CARY GRANT: "two years ago, I did you out of a wedding in this house by eloping to Maryland."
KATHARINE HEPBURN: Two years ago, you were invited to a wedding in this house...
CARY GRANT: Just a loan.
KATHARINE HEPBURN: And then I did you out of it by eloping to Maryland...
CARY GRANT: "which was very bad manners."
KATHARINE HEPBURN:...Which was very bad manners.
CARY GRANT: "But I hope to make it up to you by going through with it now as originally planned."
KATHARINE HEPBURN: But I hope to make it up to you by, by going beautifully through with it now as originally planned.
[Luke is awestruck with the old movie] | Plan: A: Stars Hollow; Q: Where does Rory go to have dinner with her parents? A: dinner; Q: What does Rory have with her parents when she goes home? A: Paris; Q: Where did Rory's parents elope? A: her anger; Q: What does Rory reveal to Lorelai? A: a launch party; Q: What event does Logan attend that Rory writes a judgmental article about? A: a new apartment; Q: What does Rory plan to find after Logan's accusations? A: Luke; Q: Who turns to Lorelai in a time of medical emergency? A: April; Q: Who does Luke have a medical emergency with? Summary: Rory goes home to Stars Hollow to have dinner with her parents, where it is revealed that they eloped while in Paris. Rory pretends to be happy, but later reveals her anger to Lorelai. Logan comes back to town for a launch party, which Rory attends and about which she later writes a judgmental article. Due to accusations by Logan, Rory plans to find a new apartment. Meanwhile, Luke turns to Lorelai in a time of medical emergency with April. |
Northern Capa Country, vineyard
Sheriff McAllister: Boy, am I glad to see you guys. We are sorely ill-prepared for this kind of deal. Quail hunter's dog found her this morning at 5:30. Wasn't meant to be huntin' quail, but he was.
Lisbon: Do we know who she is?
Sheriff: Nope. Looks familiar, though, so I'm guessing local. People sure look different when they're dead, though, don't they?
Cho: That wound doesn't look fatal.
Lisbon: There's no ligature marks on the neck, so she wasn't strangled or hung. Gums are livid. Eyes are hemorrhaged.
Cho: Suffocation.
Sheriff: My bet is it's a meth head from the city comin' in off the interstate.
Jane: No, he's a local. And it was an accident. Her killer didn't intend her to die this way.
Lisbon: How so?
Jane: She still has her clothes on. Her abductor was taking her to a location that was quiet and private so he could undress her for a sexual assault. She made too much noise at the wrong moment. He tried to keep her quiet and smothered her by mistake. No good to him now, so then he dumps her in a spot only a local would know.
Lisbon: She's all yours. Thanks for waiting.
Cho: Why sexual motive? Could be gangs or drugs.
Jane: A drug trade smothering? By who-"sesame street" crips?
Lisbon: There's nothing to say it isn't just boyfriend trouble.
Jane: Could be boyfriend trouble. Doesn't feel like it, though.
Sheriff: Who is this guy?
Lisbon: He's a consultant. You want CBI assistance? He comes as part of the package.
Sheriff: Consultant, huh? What, are you clairvoyant or some gizmo? You got psychic powers?
Jane: No, no powers. Had 'em once. I mean, I pretended I had 'em, obviously. No such thing as psychic powers.
Sheriff: So what is it you do, exactly?
Jane: You know rock paper scissors?
Sheriff: I do.
Jane: Play me. On three. One... Two... Three.
Sheriff: One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three!
O'Keefes house's
Mrs O'Keefes: Go inside the house. Get your homework started. Go. Go now. Joe?
Lisbon: Mr. And mrs. O'Keefes? I'm agent Teresa Lisbon, california bureau of investigation. I'm sorry. We're bringing bad news. We found your daughter melanie.
Mrs O'Keefes: No. Oh, no!
Frankie: Who are you?
Jane: My name's Patrick Jane. I'm with the police. Is this your sister's room?
Frankie: Yes. Did someone kill my sister?
Jane: Yes.
Frankie: Okay.
Mrs O'Keefes: She didn't come home from work the night before last. She waitresses at the Shand Creek Winery restaurant. She was on until 11:00 p.m. Her car is still parked there in the parking lot.
Mr. O'Keefes: We're always asleep when she comes home. We didn't even know she was missing until the morning. We called all her friends, and nobody knew where she was. Nobody'd seen her after she left work that night.
Mrs O'Keefes: She was all set to go ppto college in the fall. She won a softball scholarship at, um, u.c.l.a.
Mr. O'Keefes: We were worried about her going down to Los Angeles, because you read about all the crime. Did they do anything to her?
Lisbon: Doesn't appear so. She was fully clothed.
Mrs O'Keefes: Why would anybody do something like that?
Lisbon: Oftentimes, the first name that pops into the mother's head is the guilty party. Jealous boyfriends, anything like that?
Mrs O'Keefes: No, nothing like that.
Lisbon: Nothing?
Mr. O'Keefes: She was always shy of boys.
Mrs O'Keefes: She was a good girl. She took the purity pledge in ninth grade, and she still wears that ring today.
Jane: When did she take the posters down?
Frankie: After christmas.
Jane: Who was on the posters?
Frankie: Boys with long hair from the tv.
Jane: She didn't like 'em anymore?
Frankie: Said they were for little girls. Do you know who killed her?
Jane: No.
Frankie: Are you gonna find out who killed her?
Jane: Me and my colleagues are gonna try.
Frankie: How?
Jane: Looking, listening, asking questions.
Frankie: When you find him, will you tell me?
Jane: Sure. Why?
Frankie: No reason.
CBI
Rigsby: Rigsby.
Van Pelt: Van pelt.
Lisbon: Hey, did you get the fax from the sheriff's department there?
Van Pelt: Yes.
Lisbon: Run the details through the crime database, see if we get any matches. Okay, Van Pelt?
Van Pelt: Will do.
Rigsby: Boss, I finished the budget reports here like you said. Why don't I drive down there, give you guys a hand?
O'Keefes house's
Lisbon: No, you stay there. Look, pp I'll call you if I need you.
Jane: She has a lover-someone she met around christmas at a fair. He's either too old, too closely related or too villainous to tell her folks about. I'd bet on villainy, and his first name starts with an "H."
Lisbon: Explains why she wasn't ppwearing a purity ring.
Sheriff: You know, it is the damndest thing. I was at the shand creek that night on a call 'round about the same time that girl was taken. A drunk wouldn't pay his check.
Lisbon: That is the damndest thing. You notice anything that might be useful?
Sheriff: Oh, for cryin' out loud. Yeah, when I got there, I saw a black truck, full-size, Taking off out of the other end of that lot goin' way too fast... He's inside. Nearly went after him, too, you know?
Shand Creek
Lisbon: What time was that?
Sheriff: Uh, a quarter to 12:00.
Lisbon: Have these woods been checked?
Sheriff: Not to speak of.
Lisbon: You might want to put a few man-hours into that.
Sheriff: That, uh, that's her car right there.
Lisbon: You want to take it?
Malcolm Boatwright: She worked for us for... Three summers in a row. Lovely girl.
Jane: This is good.
Malcolm: Yes, it is.
Sandra Batwright: It's unbelievable. And from the parking lot. I was practically right there.
Malcolm: I can't even think about it. Try this.
Lisbon: No, I won't.
Jane: This one's really good.
Lisbon: To your knowledge, did Melanie ever have any incidents with disgruntled coworkers, maybe... Boyfriend problems?
Sandra: No.
Jane: Mmm, this one is really good. Cardamom?
Malcolm: Yes, and caraway.
Jane: Mmm, and a lot of butter.
Malcolm: No, there's no shame in it. A lot of butter. That's the great thing about food. It's indulgence and necessity all in one.
Lisbon: What time did Melanie leave work that night? To build a time line, we need to know exactly.
Sandra: Well, I know she took off first, but I'd have to check her time card to be exact.
Malcolm: Hey, it wasn't me, by the way. I have a staff of 20 that'll tell you the only time I ever leave the kitchen is to take a leak or yell at a customer.
Sandra: Sad but true.
Malcolm: So this is the, uh, the kitchen. This is the main prep area, and this is where the magic happens.
Randall: Ha !
Malcolm: Attention, Randall! Pay it!
Sandra: My office is this way.
Randall: This is a go.
Sandra: She was by no means a gifted server. Betty butterfingers, that's what we called her, but she had a good spirit. She left at 11:25. Good night. She went out that door, and that's the last we saw of her.
Lisbon: It's all reservations, I assume? Credit cards?
Sandra: Yes. I can get you a full list.
Lisbon: Great.
Sandra: Oh, Raquel, come in. These people are here to help find out what happened to poor Melanie.
Raquel: Okay. Good.
Lisbon: You and she were good friends, weren't you?
Raquel: Not really. She was okay.
Jane: 'Cause on her wall at home, she has a picture of you and her together. That's weird, huh?
Raquel: I don't know why she has a picture of me and her, ma'am. Maybe she has a secret crush on me. I don't know.
Lisbon: What's her boyfriend's name?
Raquel: She doesn't have a boyfriend. That's her thing, right? Purity. No boys.
Jane: So who was it that she cut out of the picture?
Raquel: I don't know, sir.
Lisbon: You were there.
Raquel: It was christmas. I was high.
Lisbon: Raquel, this is a murder investigation. If you protect someone who did this, you'll do time.
Raquel: I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't help you. I would if I could. Swear to god.
Lisbon: Thank you.
Cho: Car's clean.
Lisbon: Have a chat with Raquel, why don't you? I'm gonna go check the credit card receipts.
Cho: Okay.
Jane: Give me a minute with her. She's got a super low threshold.
Cho: No. Nope.
Jane: Just stand in the doorway, pretend you're making a phone call for a moment.
Cho: No. It's illegal and it's unprofessional.
Jane: That's why I need you to stand in the doorway.
Cho: One minute.
Jane: Raquel, look at me. Before you fall asleep tonight, while you're lying in your bed relaxing and slowly drifting off into sleep, I want you to think of me. Think of me and imagine that you can fly. Imagine that you're weightless. You can float gently into the air if you want to, safe and calm and serene. You can fly away and leave all your burdens and worries and fears behind you. Imagine that- what a nice feeling it is. Next time you see me, when I say hello, you'll remember that good feeling, and you'll want to tell me the truth, because when you do tell the truth, you'll feel that a heavy weight has been lifted from your shoulders. I'll say hello, and you will feel as light as a feather, as if you were floating on air. Why don't you sit here a moment, think about that before you go back to work?
Raquel: Whatever. Your friend's crazy. Can I go now?
Cho: Yes.
Jane: Worked on the chicken.
Cho: Right.
Cho: Maybe that's a clue.
Sheriff: Sorry?
Lisbon: Take it to the lab.
Jane: Whoa, whoa, wait. I-i got a better idea.
Malcolm: Um, settle down now, everyone. Settle down. These are agents of the california bureau of investigation. They want to talk to you a moment.
Sandra: There's nothing to worry about.
Jane: We need your help. Will you help us?
Everybody: Yes.
Jane: We know the identity of melanie's killer. The murderer of that poor girl is in this room. This note... Was found in melanie's locker. We have strong reason to believe that whoever wrote this note is the killer. Yes, unluckily for that person, my colleague, agent cho here, is the bureau's chief graphologist. Each one of you will be giving us a sample of your handwriting, left and right-handed. Cho will examine these samples and determine which of you left this note. Which of you is the killer?
Sheriff office's
Cho: Randall, why did you want to say "sorry" to melanie?
Randall: I didn't kill her.
Cho: I didn't say that you did. I asked why you wanted to say "sorry" to her. Your time card and your boss say you left work ten minutes before melanie. You waited for her in the parking lot, right? Right? There's no law against waiting for someone. You waited for her.
Randall: I just wanted to speak to her.
Cho: Nothing wrong with that. You wanted to speak to her. Then what happened?
Randall: I was like, "hey, melanie, what's up?" and we talked. She didn't leave. She-she was smiling and laughing, so I figured I was doing pretty good. So I made my move, and, um, she wasn't so into it, which was cool, only I know she has this whole virgin thing happening. So I figured that I just have to be more... Goal-oriented. She was pretty upset, so I apologized for any misunderstanding, and I left. I got in my car, and I drove off, and that was it. Only I felt like maybe she would still be mad at me and, like, complain. So when I got in to work this morning, before I knew that she was missing, I wrote "sorry," and I put it in her locker.
Lisbon: How long were you in the parking lot with her? Try and be precise.
Randall: Five minutes. Six.
Lisbon: Randall tried to kiss Melanie because he thought it was on his account that she didn't leave.
Jane: But in fact, she didn't leave because of randall.
Lisbon: She was meeting somebody else.
Jane: Are we gonna see Raquel again?
Lisbon: She's on her way in now. Yes ?
Van Pelt: I did the database search. I'm e-mailing the results.
Lisbon: I'm gonna put you on speaker.
Van Pelt: It's not much. One pop for the brand of silver tape used two months ago in fairfield-an abduction case.
Jane: What happened?
Van Pelt: Delores Sanchez, a female, 22, migrant farm laborer abducted at a bus stop. She doesn't know how. She wakes up on a bed in a motel room all tied up in duct tape, unharmed. The cleaners found her. Never saw her abductors. No suspects. Fairfield p.d.concluded it was a drunken prank. The complainant sanchez left town, so the case kind of drifted away.
Jane: This is very interesting.
Lisbon: Let's knock off on tangents already.
Jane: Any other correlations?
Van Pelt: Uh, yes, actually. Sanchez is a redhead like O'Keefes.
Jane: Cool down.
Lisbon: It's a common brand of tape, and there's a quarter million redheaded women in california.
Jane: Yeah, yeah, you're right.
Lisbon: Yeah.
Jane: Just supposing, for fun, that it was the same guy did both crimes. He kidnaps a redheaded girl, ties her up, takes her to a motel room, has her at his mercy but does nothing. Months later, kidnaps another redheaded girl, but his planning is not good enough, and he kills her in a panic to keep her quiet. What does that say?
Lisbon: He's an idiot?
Jane: He's new to this, and he's conflicted. He's hungry to do terrible things, but his conscience and his fear tell him not to. So he's not yet going into this with the proper focus and planning, and stuff goes wrong.
Lisbon: Or you're making that up, and Melanie was murdered by her secret lover We can be fairly certain she was meeting at the exact time of her abduction.
Van Pelt: Excuse me. I'm still here. What would you like me to do?
Lisbon: Call all the motels within 10 miles of shand creek. Find one that had a cash booking who didn't show on the night of the murder.
Lisbon: No, let's work the solid leads first. Cross-check all the full-size black trucks with known criminals in the napa area.
Van Pelt: Yes, ma'am.
Lisbon: Look, if the boyfriend angle doesn't work, we'll look at your trainee psychopath, okay?
Jane: Okay.
Raquel: I don't know anything, so I can't tell anything! I told them that. I told you I don't know anything.
Lisbon: Has a seat, Miss Garcia.
Cho: Thanks.
Jane: Hello, Raquel.
Raquel: Melanie had a thing with Hector Romerez. He's my second cousin. I was with him at the fair one time, and we ran into melanie, and then they were like bam- Romeo and juliet. She was meeting him that night.
Lisbon: The night she died ?
Raquel: Yes. And I didn't tell you because I'm afraid of him. The eight ball locos? He runs all the drugs in Vacaville. And he's had people killed for way less than just snitchin' on him like this, for real.
Lisbon: That was funny, the way she gave him up so easily like that.
Jane: Yeah, it was. But you were right, huh? Secret lover. Guess I was wrong about the whole red hair and duct tape thing.
Lisbon: You hypnotized her, didn't you?
Jane: I certainly did not. Okay. No. Yes, I did hypnotize her, but-
Lisbon: But nothing. It's unprofessional, and it's illegal.
Cho: It's totally out-of-bounds.
Jane: That's what I told him. I was gonna say you had nothing to do with it, but hey...
Lisbon: You allow him to pull that stuff again, and you'll be showing visitors around the statehouse in a stupid hat.
Cho: Yes, ma'am. Understood.
Lisbon: Rigsby, I got a hot warrant in Vacaville. You can get there in an hour, can't ya?
Rigsby: Yes, boss. I'll get rolling.
Lisbon: Bring Van Pelt.
Rigsby: Yes, bo-for a hot warrant?
Lisbon: Why are you still on the line?
CBI
Rigsby: Hey, come on. Let's go.
Hector house's. Jane wait near cars
Policeman: Well, they do have six flavors, sweetie. Sheriff's department! We have a warrant! Open up!
Hector jumps through the window
Policeman: Don't move ! He's out ! He's out !
He runs towards Jane but Lisbon catches him
Lisbon: Put your right hand behind your back. Stop resisting. Give me your hand!
Policeman: Don't move! Don't move!
Rigsby: Boom. Out of nowhere. Guy didn't know what hit him. So what were you planning todo if lisbon hadn't stopped him !
Jane: Oh, i-i didn't bother to formulate a plan. I-i knew she'd stop him.
Lisbon: Cho, Jane, let's move. You two fill out the paperwork with the staties, then go back to sacramento, hold the fort.
Rigsby: Yes, boss.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Sheriff office's
Lisbon: Hector, we're investigating the murder of melanie O'Keefes. Do you know who she was? She was suffocated and then stabbed to death and dumped on the side of the road three nights ago. We know you and melanie were lovers. We know you were planning to meet her that night, and we can put your truck in the shand creek parking lot. I've got enough to charge you with, Hector.
Jane: W-we just want to know your side of the story.
Lisbon: How'd you two meet?
Hector: Oprah and dr. Phil here. I told her this is how it was going to end, only it was going to be me that died and her sitting here with dumb cops asking dumb questions.
Lisbon: Why was she?
Hector: You wouldn't understand.
Jane: Sure she would. All women understand the charm of a violent man.
Hector: What we had was special.
Lisbon: You made her feel like a captured princess instead of a small town choir nerd. And she made you feel like a dashing pirate instead of what you are- Sort of a bad-tempered pharmacist.
Hector: Funny man. Ese, those pirates back then, they were just bangin' like anybody else today. A pirate is exactly what I am, and she was a princess. She was.
Lisbon: What happened that night?
Flash-back
Hector: We were supposed to meet at 11:30 at the restaurant. I got there ten minutes late, and she hadn't come out yet. I waited for a few minutes, and I left.
End of Flash-back
Hector: I'm impatient. I was angry. I will always hate myself for that. I left her to be killed because I don't wait for nobody.
Lisbon: That's a noble admission, Hector. How did you feel about the fact she was going to college in the fall?
Hector: I was proud... And happy for her.
Lisbon: She was leaving you behind.
Hector: I wanted her to leave me behind. I wanted her far away. I told her, "go to L. A. And don't come back for nothing."
End of the interrogation
Jane: He's telling the truth.
Lisbon: And now you're just trying to be contrary. Have you read his sheet?
Jane: Did you hear what he said?
Lisbon: He's a good actor. It was you who thought it was him in the first place.
Jane: I said Melanie had a secret lover. I didn't say he killed her.
Lisbon: If it wasn't him, then who was it? And if you say a man who likes red hair and silver duct tape, I'll scream.
Jane: I don't want you to scream.
Lisbon: Look, you have your reasons. I understand. But you're seeing more than what's actually there. You have a tendency to do that. Not every murder is a secret inside of a secret inside of a secret. There's not always a hidden pattern.
Jane: Not always, but sometimes there is.
Lisbon: Sometimes the obvious guy did it. Most of the time, the obvious guy did it. Look at the time line. Hector's admitted he was in the parking lot for ten minutes, give or take. There wasn't enough time for anybody else to have entered the parking lot, abducted Melanie and driven away. It was Hector.
Jane: You're right. There's no time.
Jane sees Frankie in the hall of the sheriff office's
Jane: Hey, Frankie.
Jane and Frankie go to a dinner
Jane: So, uh, show me.
Frankie: Show you what?
Jane: Your gun.
Frankie: I don't have a gun.
Jane: No?
Van Pelt: Hello?
Jane: Hey, Van Pelt. Uh, Lisbon changed her mind. She wants you to check out those motels like I said.
Van Pelt: The motels?
Jane: Looking for one with a no-show cash booking that night. Cover all the bases, she says. She's right here if you want a word with her.
Van Pelt: Uh, that's okay, but listen, i-
Jane: Call me first if you get anything... No gun, huh? What were you gonna kill Hector with, a knife?
Frankie takes out an ax of his bag
Jane: That should work. Just, uh... Put it away. What if it turns out that Hector isn't the man who killed your sister?
Hector: Isn't he?
Jane: We don't know that yet. But you don't have to worry about that. That's for us to work out. You need to be here for your family and leave the vengeance part to us.
Hector: When you find who did it for sure, will you kill him?
Jane: No. I won't kill him, but I'll make him very sorry. I have a daughter who'd be about your age if I hadn't caused her death... Her and her mother.
Frankie: How?
Jane: Out of arrogance... Stupidity. I made an evil man very angry, and he killed them to teach me a lesson, To make me sorry for what I'd done. And I am sorry. Being sorry is a far worse punishment than being dead. Everybody dies. Very few people ever feel truly sorry for the bad things they've done. It hurts... Van Pelt, what do you got?
Jane goes to the motel
Work's motel: Microwave, spa tub and premium cable in every unit. Special rates for state and federal employees.
Jane: What did he look like- this man?
Work's motel: Big, with a hat and sunglasses... And a thick beard, like a sikh.
Jane: An absurd disguise, in other words?
Work's motel: Ridiculous. I run a motel. I don't care who you are. He bought a good beard for nothing. Then that night he doesn't show, so I remembered him when your nice young lady called.
Jane: Uh, no disrespect, but, uh, your maid isn't very thorough.
Work's motel: No, she is most thorough. She cleans here tomorrow. For monthly rentals, she-
Jane: Monthly?
Work's motel: Yes. She comes every third day.
Jane: So he's been here recently, in the last two days.
Work's motel: The chips would imply this, yes?
Jane: Yes, they-they would. This?
Work's motel: Oh, th-those are not ours.
Jane: He's coming back.
Office's sheriff
Lisbon: Okay. Thank you. Nice work. Yes ?
Jane: Listen, I don't want to make you mad, but I found something really interesting, and I want you to take a look at it.
Lisbon: You can't make me mad. Go ahead. What'd you find?
Jane: You first. Who made you so happy?
Lisbon: Forensics. There's substantial traces of Melanie's blood on the seat of Hector's truck.
Jane: So... Happy day.
Lisbon: Yeah. Now I'm gonna go and see what Hector has to say about it. What'd you find?
Jane: Uh, it-it can wait.
Room of interrogation
Hector: Blood? Yes. Last time I saw her, two weeks ago, she was disrespectful, so I had to tune her up. She got a bloody nose.
Lisbon: Was physical abuse a normal occurrence in your relationship, or is this more of a recent thing?
Hector: She chose me. She wanted to know where the edges are. I showed her.
End of interrogation
Lisbon: Go ahead. Say it.
Jane: I think he's telling the truth.
Lisbon: And I disagree. I'm charging him.
Jane: No. Yes. Good. That's good. Go ahead. You got more than enough evidence. Oops, nearly forgot.
Lisbon: Okay, tell me. What'd you find?
Jane: Telling you won't do. I have to show you... Uh, I made a booking for two for this afternoon. Could you put us on the terrace? It's more romantic. Thanks. Yeah. Patrick. Lovely. See you then... Don't fret. I wouldn't seduce you over a meal. That would be very sophomoric.
Lisbon: I didn't think you were trying to seduce me.
Jane: Come on. How could that thought not have entered your head? Your denial that it did intrigues me.
Lisbon: Bite me.
At the motel
Lisbon: What is this? That's Van Pelt? What is she doing?
Jane: Thiss a live feed from the shand creek restaurant, and this is how we're gonna catch melanie's killer.
At the Shand Creek (Cho is in hideout)
Cho: Say again.
Rigsby: Nothing.
Cho: Oh, I see you.
Van Pelt: How do I look?
Rigsby: Good. You look good.
Van Pelt: I meant, can you see the wire?
Rigsby: Nope. Nope.
At the motel
Jane: The killer plans to bring his victim back to this room. And when he does, we're gonna be here to greet him. How sweet is that?
Lisbon: This is all a big elaborate joke you're gonna apologize for now. Yes?
Jane: Whoever killed melanie had to be there that night at shand creek. Your time line proves it. There's no way anyone else could've done it. One of the 20 people there that night killed melanie. All 20 of those people are there now today, including the killer.
Lisbon: And he's gonna try it again today? Come on.
Jane: No, no. Yes, yes, that's just the point. Yes, he is gonna try again. He's planning on it. And he's gonna try again today because we're gonna make him try again because he's not in control of his desires. He's been thinking of nothing else but this perverse craving of his. He's gotten so close. He's desperate to go all the way. All we need to do is present him with something he can't resist, something that he will jump at, and damn the consequences. Give it a try. If I'm wrong, there's no harm down.
Shand Creek
Van Pelt: It's fusion.
Rigsby: Confusion. Up to me, make it a cheeseburger every time.
Van Pelt: Oh, me, too. With onion rings.
Waiter: Good appetite
Van Pelt: Thanks. Let's do it.
Rigsby: Not yet.
Van Pelt: Why not?
Rigsby: This is actually quite good.
She put hil a slap
Van Pelt: You're meant to shout at me and leave.
Rigsby: Now you've gone too far! I hate you!
Rigsby joins Cho
Cho: Smooth work.
Rigsby: Don't.
Shand Creek
Sandra: Can I call you a cab?
Van Pelt: No, thank you. I need a walk. I have a number for a cab if I need one. Thank you for a delicious meal.
Sandra: Oh, you're so welcome.
Van Pelt: I just left the restaurant. I'm heading towards the main road now. Aah !
Sheriff: Sorry, miss. I didn't see you there. I was just, uh... You okay?
Van Pelt: Oh, sure. Absolutely. Just scared me a little.
At the motel
Jane: He w-he wasn't su- what the hell is he doing there?
Lisbon: He was there. He was there that night.
On the road of the Shand Creek
Sheriff: Going for a stroll?
Van Pelt: Fresh air.
Sheriff: Only you need to be careful. We've been looking for a murderer loose around here. Yeah, went after a girl just like you-red hair and all.
Van Pelt: No kidding.
Sheriff: Yeah. I'll, uh, drive you up to the main road.
Van Pelt: Oh, thank you, but...
Sheriff: No, no trouble, really. My car's just over here on the side.
Van Pelt: (To Cho) Please advise.
Cho: Keep it rolling.
Sheriff: Beg your pardon?
Van Pelt: I'm not used to wearing these shoes.
Sheriff: Hey, you, uh, are you out here alone?
Van Pelt: I had an argument with my date.
Sheriff: Oh, sorry to hear that. You know, if you were my date, I wouldn't, uh, I wouldn't argue, pretty lady like yourself. My car's just right over here.
Van Pelt: It-it's okay. I'll walk.
Sheriff: Wait, no. I won't let you.
Cho: sh1t
Sheriff: Re-really, ma'am. Really, i-i don't feel comfortable letting you go.
Van Pelt: Really, I'm fine.
Sheriff: I think you're intoxicated.
Van Pelt: I am not.
Rigsby: Get your hands off her!
Sheriff: What the hell's the matter with you? You're under arrest!
Rigsby: No, you're under arrest, you piece of-
Van Pelt and Cho: Rigsby, calm down.
Sheriff: Cho? Is this clown one of yours? What the hell is going on here?
Policeman: Sheriff, everything okay?
Sheriff: Well, yeah, now it is... Suppose so. Barely.
At the motel
Lisbon: Everything's funny.
Jane: Well, if you try. I mean, come on. It's pretty funny. Strange, though. I-i was sure the chef would bite. I mean, there's still a chance he could show up.
Lisbon: The chef-Malcolm? Why do you think it's him?
Jane: He uses way too much butter.
Lisbon: Say?
Jane: He's a gluttonous baby. He's self-indulgent. He wants what he wants and he takes it.
Lisbon: Too much butter ?
Jane: Yeah.
Lisbon: It's fascinating the way your mind works. One thing, though-malcolm was in the kitchen with 20 people when melanie was taken. He couldn't have done it.
Jane: Hang on. There-there's a way he could-
Lisbon: Forgive me if I can't stay for more of your theorizing, But I've gotta go and see if I can save your colleagues from getting formal complaints in their files...
Lisbon fate of the room. She receives a call and a Shand Creek van arrives at the parking lot.
Lisbon: Yeah, I'll be right there. No, I know where it is. Okay. Right here.
In the room
Sandra: That's good. You're good. You're good. Oh, it's okay. It's okay. Good? Good. Quiet! Quiet!
Flashback
Melanie enters the restaurant having quarreled with Randall and sees Malcolm. He ties her up and he and his wife takes him in the small van and go away just as the sheriff arrives at the restaurant. Sandra asks him to keep quiet with a knife.
End of flashback
Malcolm: Okay. Okay, help me put this on the bed.
Sandra: Okay.
Malcolm: Oh !
Jane: Stop. Think. Do not move. Whatever you do, do not move.
Malcolm: What?
Jane: Do not move!
Sandra: Stop! Come back here! Stop!
Malcolm: What are you doing here?
Jane: Think. Think.
Malcolm: What are you doing here?
Jane: Does it matter? I'm here. This place is surrounded by police and cbi agents.
Malcolm: Oh, no.
Sandra: He's lying. They would be up here arresting us by now if they were here.
Jane: S.W.A.T. They're waiting on S.W.A.T. There's no way out of this.
Sandra: Nobody. Let's just kill them and get out of here.
Jane: Whoa, whoa, listen to me. You can walk away from all of this. No disrespect, but you're both clinically insane. You're not gonna go to prison. You'll go to a hospital for a couple of years, and you can walk away.
Malcolm: Shut up! Just shut up! I'm-i'm trying to think.
Sandra: Oh, now he's trying to think!
Malcolm: Don't pretend you didn't want this. You wanted it just as much as me!
Sandra: Yeah, but I told you we didn't have enough time.
Malcolm: I told you that we didn't-
Sandra: Don't you point that at me!
Malcolm: I swear to god, woman, one more word out of you!
Lisbon arrives
Lisbon: Police.
Malcolm has him threat and Lisbon shoots him
Lisbon: Put the gun down!
Sandra: No!
Lisbon shoots and goes towards the victim
Lisbon: Okay. All right. It's okay. You're gonna be fine, all right? Here, come on. Okay? We're gonna get you out of here.
The team goes to the Melanie's burial
Van Pelt: I don't get it. She actually enjoyed helping him kill. One crazy evil person, I understand. But two? Husband and wife? Marriage is supposed to be a sacred, loving thing.
Jane: They were soul mates in their own strange way.
Mr. O'Keefes: Let's go. | Plan: A: an 18-year-old girl; Q: Whose body was found in the vineyards of Northern Napa County? A: 18-year-old; Q: What was the age of the girl found dead in the vineyards of Northern Napa County? A: a sexual predator; Q: What is the CBI team called in to find? A: silver duct tape; Q: What is the sexual predator using to kidnap women? A: red haired women; Q: What type of women is the killer kidnapping? A: a timeline; Q: What did the CBI team create to narrow down the suspects? A: the team; Q: Who limits the list of suspects to the people who were at the restaurant that night? A: Hard evidence; Q: What points to the victim's drug dealer boyfriend? A: Jane's mentalist skills; Q: What skill of Jane's points to the chef as the killer? A: Jane; Q: Who orchestrates an undercover operation to lure the killer out of hiding? A: an undercover operation; Q: What does Jane orchestrate to prove his suspicions? A: the bait; Q: What role does Van Pelt play in the undercover operation? A: Rigsby; Q: Who nearly attacks the Sheriff when he starts talking to Van Pelt? A: the operation; Q: What does not go according to plan? A: a jam; Q: What does Jane get himself into when he gets caught in a room with two killers? A: another red-haired woman; Q: What does the chef and his wife capture? Summary: When the dead body of an 18-year-old girl is found in the vineyards of Northern Napa County, the CBI team is called in to find a sexual predator who is using silver duct tape and kidnapping red haired women. After creating a timeline for the victim's disappearance from the restaurant where she worked, the team limits the list of suspects to the people who were at the restaurant that night. Hard evidence points to the victim's drug dealer boyfriend, who came by to pick her up, but Jane's mentalist skills point to the chef. To prove his suspicions, Jane goes behind Lisbon's back and orchestrates an undercover operation with Van Pelt as the bait to lure the killer out of hiding. Rigsby nearly attacks the Sheriff when he starts talking to Van Pelt. But when the operation does not go according to plan, Jane has to get himself out of a jam when he gets caught in a room with not one but two killers: the chef and his wife who have captured another red-haired woman, duct taping and gagging her. |
THE TENTH PLANET
BY KIT PEDLER
AND GERRY DAVIS
first broadcast - 29th October 1966
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. TRACKING ROOM
(Ben lies on the ground, nursing a bruise on his head from General Cutler's blow. Polly, kneeling next to Ben, tries nursing his wound. Cutler is preoccupied with the launch of the rocket at Mondas. Dyson and Barclay look on anxiously.)
POLLY: ...succeeded in just a few seconds.
COUNTDOWN VOICE: T minus 20 seconds... T minus 15 seconds... T minus 10 seconds, 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Blast off!
(The computer monitor's screen is temporarily obscured by the rocket's afterburn. Suddenly, the afterburn clears and the rocket is revealed not to have taken off.)
POLLY: Ben, you made it! The rocket hasn't gone off, it didn't work! Now we've all got a chance of life!
(The General is enraged. He turns to Ben and Polly.)
GENERAL CUTLER: Your Cybermen friends may have a chance of life, but not you, sailor!
(He looks at the unconscious Doctor.)
GENERAL CUTLER: Nor that old man. Now go get him up here.
POLLY: But he's ill!
GENERAL CUTLER: He's gonna get worse. Get him up!
(As he speaks, the Doctor recovers and speaks weakly to Cutler.)
DOCTOR: No need... I'm here.
BEN: Doctor, you alright?
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes... (To General Cutler.) Your plan is foiled, sir. You cannot fire the rocket!
GENERAL CUTLER: You just arrived in time... get over there.
DOCTOR: I must protest!
GENERAL CUTLER: Move!
(Cutler turns around and sternly addresses Dyson.)
GENERAL CUTLER: Dyson, get through to Zeus 5!
(With the General's attention drawn elsewhere, Polly moves over to the Doctor.)
POLLY: What's happened to you, Doctor?
DOCTOR: I'm not sure, my dear. Comes from an outside influence. Unless this old body of mine is wearing a bit thin.
POLLY: What do you mean "wearing a bit thin"?
DOCTOR: Oh, don't worry child, don't worry, don't worry... Oh, let's have a look, dear boy, eh?...
(The Doctor rises to his feet. He, Ben and Polly move over behind General Cutler, who is pointing a pistol at Barclay's head. Barclay sits watching him calmly.)
GENERAL CUTLER: Barclay... that rocket was sabotaged with your help. Now you're gonna get it off the ground again. I'm gonna give you one more chance or you're gonna get killed with them.
BARCLAY: I can't fire this rocket, and neither can you.
GENERAL CUTLER: How long will it take you to refuel?
BARCLAY: Long enough!
GENERAL CUTLER: Alright, if that's the way you want to play it... get up. Get up! Get over there!
(He motions Barclay over to the wall, with the Tardis crew.)
DYSON: I'm getting a signal, sir. From Lieutenant Cutler, sir.
(Lt. Terry Cutler appears on Dyson's monitor. The General moves over to listen to his son.)
TERRY CUTLER: I'm tumbling badly and there's little control left in the capsule - I must speak fast!
GENERAL CUTLER: Yes, go ahead, son!
TERRY CUTLER: This new planet, there's something strange happening.
GENERAL CUTLER: What do you mean?
TERRY CUTLER: Well it seems to brighten up like a sun and then darken again.
(The Doctor has been listening, and adds to Terry Cutler's remarks.)
DOCTOR: It cannot absorb much more energy!
(Nearby, a radar technician notices blips on his radar.)
RADAR TECHNICIAN: Sir, Cyberman spaceships on approach path.
GENERAL CUTLER: Shut up, will you? Go ahead, son.
(The General is growing increasingly agitated. Lt. Cutler's signal is becoming weaker by the second.)
TERRY CUTLER: Hey... controls gone again... energy loss severe... It's like... it's like being on a switchback... I ca... I can't seem to...
(The image on the screen cuts out, and there is a disturbing silence as the static fades away.)
GENERAL CUTLER: Get that signal back!
DYSON: It's gone... could be a power failure.
(The General starts to show even more signs of panic and strain.)
GENERAL CUTLER: Come on, man! Come on, Dyson, get that signal!
RADAR TECHNICIAN: Sir, Cyberman ship on descent now!
DYSON: Radio ... Hopeless.
BARCLAY: The enemy will landing at any moment.
DOCTOR: General!
(For the first time, General Cutler seems to lose control. His face is sweating and his shoulders are slumped forward.)
GENERAL CUTLER: The enemy! The enemy! I'll tell you who the enemy is. You are the enemy!
(He turns to face the Doctor.)
RADAR TECHNICIAN: The Cybermen sir, they must have landed!
GENERAL CUTLER: You... you... you... you killed my son.
RADAR TECHNICIAN: But sir, they've landed!
(General Cutler is oblivious to the warnings. He rounds upon Barclay, the Doctor, Ben and Polly with his pistol drawn. All the technicians in the room scatter for cover. Cutler points his gun at the four.)
GENERAL CUTLER: My son! The only person I gave a care about in this whole world, and you killed him. So now I'm going to kill you... and I'll start on you, Doctor!
(The crack of rifle shots is heard from outside the room, followed by the whine of Cyber-weapons. Polly begins to scream. The whine of the Cyber-weapon is heard again. General Cutler spins around to see a Cyberman standing in the doorway! He shoots a bullet into the Cyberman's front armour, only to see it ricochet harmlessly. The cyber-weapon whines again, and this time is followed by silence. There is a horrified look on the General's face, and smoke begins to pour out from his collar. He slumps to the ground, dead. The Cyberman casually walks into the room, followed by two others. The men in the room stand frozen like statues. The Doctor steps forward; immediately the lead Cyberman swings around to face him, weapon levelled.)
KRANG: Silence. Anyone who moves will be killed instantly.
(The Doctor turns and points to Barclay, Ben and Polly.)
DOCTOR: We owe you our lives. That man was going to have us shot.
(He points to the body of General Cutler. Krang, the new Cyberleader, ignores the Doctor and gestures to the guards with his Cyber-weapon. Without hesitation, the guards obey, tossing down their guns and raising their hands. Krang points at the Doctor and his friends.)
KRANG: Go with the others down there.
(The Doctor, Ben, Polly and Barclay join the guards and base technicians.)
BEN: There's gratitude for yer! We save their grotty planet Mondas for what?
(Krang turns around and looks at the Doctor and Ben.)
KRANG: Saved Mondas? We do not believe you. We have seen a rocket missile aimed at Mondas.
DOCTOR: That is so. We prevented it being fired at you. We helped you. Therefore, I suggest you help us.
BEN: It's no use talking to these geezers.
(Krang raises his hand for silence.)
KRANG: And what do you ask in return for this?
DOCTOR: Your planet is finished. It will disintegrate. We know why you came here. So why not stay and live with us in peace, hmm?
KRANG: We will confer. Keep your places. Anyone who moves will be killed instantly.
(Krang walks over to the other two Cybermen in the room to discuss the proposal.)
BARCLAY: Can we trust them?
BEN: No, of course we can't.
DOCTOR: We have no chance. We must play for time. Be quiet!
(The Doctor advances towards Krang.)
DOCTOR: Well sir, what have you decided?
KRANG: We cannot talk while that missile is aimed at Mondas. It must be disarmed first.
DOCTOR: A moment, please.
(He turns to Barclay.)
DOCTOR: Are you able to disarm this rocket?
BARCLAY: Well, yes - but...
DOCTOR: It will give us the time we need!
BEN: The time for Mondas to burn itself out, you mean?
DOCTOR: Yes, now quiet! (To Krang.) We accept your terms. The warhead will be removed from the rocket.
KRANG: It must be removed to below ground level.
BARCLAY: Well, there's the Radiation Room. It's the deepest in the base.
KRANG: That will do. And to make sure you do this, we will take two hostages.
(He points to Polly.)
KRANG: That girl will go to the spacecraft.
(He then turns to the Doctor.)
KRANG: You will stay here with us. (To Ben, Dyson and Barclay.) You three must go to the rocket.
DOCTOR: You must do as they say.
(Ben approaches the Cybermen.)
BEN: Look, if you want a hostage, what about me?
KRANG: You are needed to help with the warhead.
BEN: Now look here, you're not taking Polly!
DOCTOR: Let me handle this, my boy!
BEN: But Doctor...
DOCTOR: All of you - go with Barclay.
BARCLAY: But Doctor, I do think that...
DOCTOR: Go. I think it is wiser.
BARCLAY: Very well. Come on Dyson.
(The Doctor walks towards the Cybermen and addresses Krang.)
DOCTOR: You give me your word that this young girl will be returned to me when that bomb is safely stored away?
KRANG: Yes.
DOCTOR: Very well, child, off you go. And don't forget your coat, I don't want you to get cold!
(One of the Cybermen leaves the Tracking Room with Polly.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. INTERIOR, CYBERMAN SHIP
(Inside the Cybership, Polly's captor places her in a chair-like cage. The barred front of the cage is closed, trapping her.)
POLLY: Ow! What are you going to do with me now? What kind of chair is that? It's horrible! Look, keep back! Keep away from me!
(Without replying, the Cyberman moves closer. He presses a button on his chest unit; a flash of light shoots from his helmet, and Polly falls unconscious. As she sleeps, the ship begins to warm up. She is being kept alive... for now.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. TRACKING ROOM
(A video message is coming through from International Space Command Headquarters in Geneva.)
SECRETARY: (On monitor screen.) Geneva calling South Polar base. Geneva to South Pole.
(The Doctor looks at Krang.)
DOCTOR: Didn't you hear?
(The message continues to echo throughout the Tracking Room.)
SECRETARY: Geneva calling South Polar base. Geneva to South Pole. Geneva to South Pole. Geneva to South Pole.
(The two Cybermen order the Doctor to answer the call.)
DOCTOR: Hello Geneva, Geneva...
SECRETARY: Secretary Wigner to speak with General Cutler.
(The Doctor looks a bit awkward.)
DOCTOR: I'm afraid the General isn't here at the moment... and I... I've been put in charge temporarily.
WIGNER: Who is that speaking?
DOCTOR: I have no time to discuss it now, sir.
WIGNER: Tell General Cutler there have been mass landings of Cybermen in many parts of the world. Who are you?
(As Wigner speaks, the Geneva base is stormed by Cybermen. After a moment's silence, a harsh, metallic Cyberman voice is heard over the monitor from Geneva.)
GERN: (To Wigner.) I am now Controller of the Earth. Resist us and you die.
(Gern turns and talks into the monitor link.)
GERN: You must proceed with your second objective.
(Krang orders the Doctor to move, and sits down in Barclay's chair. He leans forward to speak into the microphone.)
KRANG: We are proceeding according to plan.
GERN: (On monitor.) Report to me as soon as you are ready. We must have time to evacuate.
(Krang addresses the Cybermen in the South Pole base via the microphone.)
KRANG: Unit Delta plus calling. Unit Delta plus calling. Unit Delta plus calling.
(The Doctor rises and approaches Krang at the controls.)
DOCTOR: I do not understand your friend, sir. Evacuate? Surely you're not going to return to Mondas now?
KRANG: We will not discuss our plans with you.
DOCTOR: (Angrily.) What is your second objective? It's quite obvious, isn't it? The destruction of the Earth!
(He grabs the microphone and speaks into it.)
DOCTOR: Ben! Barclay! Do not help them. They're going to use the Z-bomb to destroy the Earth!
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. RADIATION ROOM
(Ben, Barclay, Dyson and Haines, a technician, are all clothed in protective radiation suits. They hear the Doctor's warning, and watch events in the Tracking Room on a monitor link by the door.)
BEN: Did you all hear that?
BARCLAY: Of course, it all makes sense now! We've allowed ourselves to be fooled by them!
DYSON: We've just set them up nicely. Cutler was right, wasn't he? We should have used the bomb on them.
BARCLAY: No, that might quite easily have led to something far worse.
DYSON: Worse? We're just about to be blown to bits along with the entire population of the Earth, and you talk about something worse?
BEN: Give over, mate! What he means is, while there's life there's still hope.
DYSON: Seems to me we've just signed our own death warrants.
(A Cyberman is on guard outside the room. Krang can be heard over the monitor giving orders to the Cyberman.)
KRANG: (On monitor.) Check progress on the bomb.
BEN: Quick! All look busy! Bring in number two line!
(They pretend to be working as the Cyberman walks past the door.)
BEN: 'Alf a mo'. The Doctor told us to play for time, right? And I've got an idea.
DYSON: Marvellous.
BEN: Well, might at least hear it! I don't hear any bright suggestions coming from you two guys!
BARCLAY: Go on.
BEN: Well, any idea how strong these Cybermen are?
BARCLAY: A rough idea.
BEN: Yeah, well they could lift a man like he was... well, like he was a wrench, right?
DYSON: Yes, well?
BEN: Well they're also pretty advanced geezers, way ahead of us.
DYSON: What has this got to do with it?
BEN: Well, that just it. With all this, why should they need us? Well, they could shift that bomb in half the time! So why get us to do it? Also, you'll notice they remain outside this door, looking at us all the time through the door. Well why?
DYSON: This is just a waste of time.
BARCLAY: Now wait a minute, I think I see what he's driving at. They use us because they daren't handle it themselves.
BEN: Yeah, but the point is, why? Well you're the scientists.
BARCLAY: Don't you see, Dyson? It could that they're afraid of radioactivity.
BEN: Let's get this one inside and see what it does to him. Now look... all lie down on the floor... play dead.
DYSON: This is ridiculous... games.
BARCLAY: Well may be, but it's worth giving it a try. Come on, lie down.
(Barclay, Dyson and Haines lie on the floor, as Ben stands by the door and shouts to the Cyberman guard.)
BEN: Help! Help! Come in here, mate, there's something up! Help!
(Ben feigns collapse as the Cyberman peers carefully through the small door portal. It then opens the door and slowly walks into the room. After only a few steps the Cyberman stops dead and drops its Cyber-weapon. Ben shoves the large metallic body out of the room and locks the door.)
BEN: You see?
DYSON: What did you do that for? We could have escaped!
BEN: To where? We're okay right where we are.
BARCLAY: And they can't set off this bomb while we defend this room!
BEN: Right! So all we've go to do is sit tight until Mondas breaks up like the Doctor said! Well, we've got them! But they've still got the Doctor and Polly.
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. TRACKING ROOM
(After witnessing the events in the radiation room over the monitor link, the Doctor turns to Krang.)
DOCTOR: Well gentlemen, stalemate I think, don't you agree? Well now, what about a little talk, hmm?
KRANG: You forget we can do what we like with all of you and the girl.
DOCTOR: Oh, quite so, but I'm afraid that won't help save your planet.
(Krang turns to the monitor and addresses the Radiation Room.)
KRANG: Listen to me. This close proximity of our two planets means that one has to be eliminated for the safety of the other. The one to be destroyed will be Earth. We cannot allow Mondas to burn up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. RADIATION ROOM
KRANG: (On monitor.) If you help, we will take you all back to Mondas with us. There you will be safe.
BEN: Yeah? For how long?
DYSON: It could be our only chance.
BEN: The answer is no! We'll just sit tight here until Mondas breaks up. Now then, you'd better release the Doctor and Polly and send them down here. You're gonna need our help when Mondas is gone!
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. TRACKING ROOM
(Krang listens to Ben, and watches Mondas's condition on another monitor screen.)
KRANG: Mondas will not burn up.
(He turns to another Cyberman.)
KRANG: Take the old man out to the spacecraft.
DOCTOR: You will regret this.
(Krang addresses the captives in the Radiation Room.)
KRANG: Now we give you three minutes to start fusing the warhead. If you fail, you will never see your friends again.
(The second Cyberman grabs hold of his Cyber-weapon and escorts the Doctor out of the Tracking Room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. RADIATION ROOM
(As Krang finishes his ultimatum, Ben turns from the monitor screen to face the others.)
BEN: ...really done it. What do we do now?
DYSON: This is hopeless... we must do as they say!
BARCLAY: Well, it could be a bluff.
BEN: Yeah, how do we find out?
BARCLAY: We must stick to our plan and sit tight. There are millions of lives at stake.
BEN: Yeah, but there must be something we can do!
(Ben turns to the monitor screen and smashes it.)
DYSON: What did you do that for? Now we can't communicate with them.
BEN: No, and they can't spy on us either. Now this is what I think we should do.
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. CYBERMAN SHIP
(On board the Cybermen's craft, the Doctor and Polly are imprisoned together; the Doctor is in another chair-cage next to Polly. Both have their hands bound.)
POLLY: Doctor... Doctor?
(The Doctor barely has enough energy to raise his head to reply.)
DOCTOR: Hmm... What is it, child?
POLLY: Engines! They're not going to take off, are they?
(The Doctor listens to the low, throbbing background vibration.)
DOCTOR: No, no. Wait! The vibrations. Perhaps it's coming from Mondas!
POLLY: What do you mean, Mondas?
DOCTOR: This spacecraft receives its energy from Mondas. Perhaps it's absorbing too much.
POLLY: Don't mean it's going to blow up, do you?
DOCTOR: No, I don't know, child. It is an unknown power...
POLLY: Doctor, I'm scared!
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. RADIATION ROOM
(Ben is examining a large machine which holds a number of radiation rods.)
BEN: What's it weigh then?
DYSON: You're not thinking of carrying that thing around with you, are you?
BEN: I'm not asking you. Can it be shifted, Dr Barclay?
BARCLAY: No, it would be an impossible task to use it as you intend using it.
BEN: Well, just what is there in this room that is radioactive and that a bloke could carry?
DYSON: Nothing. You're wasting your time and ours. And our three minutes is nearly up, anyway.
BEN: You think so.
(He points to a panel in the wall of the room.)
BEN: Is there anything behind here that is radioactive?
BARCLAY: Well yes, of course. That's the base nuclear reactor. It supplies all the power.
BEN: Well what's it like? Is there anything that could be moved by hand?
BARCLAY: Well, if we extracted the reactor rods they could be carried for a short distance but it would be a very tricky operation.
BEN: Well, it's our only hope. Come on!
DYSON: Are you both quite mad?
BEN: Look, Dyson, we're the sane ones. Do you really think those Cybermen intend to let us live?
DYSON: They gave us their word.
BEN: They just said anything they thought we'd listen to. They've got no feelings, remember? They told us that. So what's to stop them? Anyway, you might as well face it, mate - your number's up either way. So why not try, eh? We need your help anyway, okay?
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. TRACKING ROOM
(Krang and Jarl, the second Cyberman, wait for the three minutes to pass. They watch impassively as the monitor screens are filled with the globe of the planet Mondas. The planet is violently alternating between light and dark.)
JARL: Records, Krang.
KRANG: Our planet is nearing saturation point. We must lose no time. Switch on the monitor. Their three minutes is up, we must hear their decision.
(Jarl tries turning on the Radiation Room monitor, but it doesn't work.)
KRANG: What has happened?
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. RADIATION ROOM
(Ben and Haines are extracting the fuel rods from the reactor.)
BARCLAY: Hold them away from yourselves. Gently does it, very gently. Stand by the emergency power switch. The lights will be fading any second now.
DYSON: I suppose you realize there's only about an hour's supply of lighting and heating in the emergency batteries. Then we shall all freeze to death.
BEN: If this don't work, mate, you needn't worry about the cold anymore.
(He opens the reactor room door slightly and walks out into the corridor.)
BEN: Okay, it's all clear. Quick! Dyson, you go up this end of the corridor. When you hear the Cybermen coming, come out behind them. Haines, you go round that corridor and do the same. Now look, I'll draw their fire, so when you hear the sound of this gun, start coming forward. (Looking at the rods.) Do you really think there's enough radiation in these two rods to trap them?
BARCLAY: Just.
BEN: Okay, come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. CORRIDOR
(Krang, Jarl and a third Cyberman are advancing to the radiation room. Ben watches them from around the corner.)
KRANG: Do not use this gas unless you have to. We need them alive and conscious.
(Ben retreats to the others in the Radiation Room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. RADIATION ROOM
BEN: They're coming. Quick! Behind the door.
[SCENE_BREAK]
15. CORRIDOR
(The Cybermen come to the door to the Radiation Room. Jarl addresses the men inside.)
KRANG: Your three minutes is up. What is your decision?
(There is no reply.)
KRANG: We shall be forced to kill you. We will give you one more chance to come out and give us the bomb.
BEN: (OOV, from inside the room.) Come in and get it!
(Krang nods to the third Cyberman, who starts to pour gas into the reactor room through the crack in the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16. RADIATION ROOM
(As smoke pours into the room, Barclay starts to cough. Ben runs over to the far wall and levels the Cyber-weapon the Cyberman had dropped previously.)
BEN: There's something else down by the door!
(Barclay opens the door wide.)
BEN: Now!
(Without aiming, Ben fires his Cyber-weapon into the thick gas, where he can only just see the outline of the Cyberman holding the cylinder. The Cyberman drops the gas cylinder, raises his hands up in the air, and staggers back. Krang and Jarl pull the door shut to prevent any further shots.)
BARCLAY: I can't hold out much longer!
BEN: Where's Dyson and the other bloke got to?
[SCENE_BREAK]
17. CORRIDOR
KRANG: The humans are behind the door. Let the gas do its work.
(As he speaks, Haines and Dyson approach from either end of the corridor. The radioactive rods they are holding cause the Cybermen to stagger and lose control. As the two men come closer, both Cybermen collapse and lie still. Ben calls out from inside the radiation room.)
BEN: Quick, Dyson! Help get Barclay out of here!
(The two men pull Barclay clear of the gas, and they head back to the Tracking Room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18. TRACKING ROOM
(The room is a hive of activity, with technicians reclaiming control of the base.)
DYSON: Back to your desks all of you. The emergency's not over yet. Philips, there are two reactor rods in the corridor. See that they're put back at once.
BEN: Hey, they've still got the Doctor and Polly.
BARCLAY: No, wait! If you try and tackle the spacecrafts on your own, you don't stand a chance. We don't know how many Cybermen there are left.
BEN: Well?
(He indicates a small piece of Cyber-machinery on the floor.)
BARCLAY: Well, here's one of the things they use to contact each other.
BEN: I don't know how it works.
BARCLAY: Well then do anything, make a signal! Draw them here.
DYSON: Is that wise?
BEN: Well, if that spaceship takes off we'll never gonna see them again.
DYSON: You may bring them all in on us!
BEN: Well that's a risk we've got to take.
(He begins to fiddle with the contraption, which starts making a buzzing sound.)
BEN: That should do it. Any idea how long it'll take for them to get here?
DYSON: You stand by with those guns.
BARCLAY: Now look, we must all get down by the other side of the room.
BEN: Okay.
BARCLAY: Opposite the door so we can face them. Use the guns.
(The lights go out.)
BEN: What now?
DYSON: The emergency battery's running out, I suppose.
BARCLAY: We can't face them in the dark!
DYSON: Now we shall freeze to death.
BARCLAY: They must get those reactor rods back!
(As the lights come back on...)
BEN: Hang on, they're coming back.
(Ben looks through the doorway and sees the Cybermen advancing.)
BEN: Look!
(Just outside the Tracking Room, Krang addresses the humans.)
CYBERMAN: Resistance is useless. Drop your weapons.
(Just then, Ben looks up at the monitor screen showing the planet Mondas.)
BEN: Just look at Mondas! I can't believe it!
(Everyone turns to look at the screen. The planet is alternating from light to dark much faster now, and the planet starts to distort. As they watch, huge fissures and cracks appear in the surface. Streams of white-hot lava run from the cracks and spread over the face of the planet.)
DYSON: Fantastic! It looks as if it's melting!
BEN: It's falling to bits!
BARCLAY: The end of Mondas.
BEN: Hey, look!
(In the excitement, the Cybermen in the room have almost been forgotten. Like their planet, the Cybermen are changing visibly. Their arms drop; the Cyber-weapons fall to the floor; each teeters slightly on his feet. They slowly collapse down on one knee, then the other. Finally they pitch forward on the floor, and are still. The corpses begin to disintegrate, leaving just the crumpled silver outer shells.)
BEN: What's happened to them?
BARCLAY: They've disintegrated!
DYSON: They must have been entirely dependent on power from Mondas!
(They turn back to the monitor. The planet is now a huge corona of gas surrounding the few remaining solid segments. As they watch, the distorted flare of gas that was once the Tenth Planet grows fainter and fainter as it spins away from the Earth. As Mondas disappears, the R/T system crackles back to life. The voice of Terry Cutler can be heard.)
TERRY CUTLER: (OOV.) Zeus 5 to Snowcap, are you receiving me, over?
BARCLAY: Quick Dyson, get that!
(Dyson runs over to the communications system.)
DYSON: Snowcap to Zeus 5, reading you loud and clear.
(Terry Cutler's face appears on the monitor.)
TERRY CUTLER: What happened? Where have you been?
(Barclay moves over next to Dyson.)
BARCLAY: (To Dyson.) Here, let me have that. (To Cutler.) Snowcap to Zeus 5, what is your fuel position?
TERRY CUTLER: It's okay, everything's suddenly working normally. And what about getting me down?
BARCLAY: We've been on emergency power. We'll handle your splashdown as soon as we get full power back. (To Dyson.) Start checking the base main units.
DYSON: Yes, right.
(Barclay uses the communications system to contact Geneva.)
BARCLAY: Hello Geneva? Geneva?
(Just then, Ben remembers his travelling companions.)
BEN: Hey! The Doctor and Polly!
BARCLAY: Snowcap here.
(The monitor switches to a picture of the Geneva office. Wigner sits at the desk, with a secretary beside him.)
WIGNER: Hello Snowcap, who is that, Barclay?
BARCLAY: Yes, we've just getting full power back. The danger is apparently over.
WIGNER: The Cyberman menace has ended all over the world! Let me have a full report as soon as you can.
BARCLAY: Sir, will do. Did you hear that? He wants a full report. Where exactly shall we begin, do you think?
(In the general excitement, Ben is not noticed as he leaves the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19. CYBERMAN SHIP
(Ben arrives in the containment room of the Cybership, where the Doctor and Polly are still imprisoned.)
BEN: Doctor!
(The Doctor is motionless.)
POLLY: Ben! Oh please, Ben, help me... get me out of this thing!
BEN: All right, don't panic, I'll have you out soon!
(Ben opens the cages holding Polly and the Doctor. Polly immediately leaps up, but the Doctor still does not move.)
POLLY: Ow! My hands were stuck and I couldn't get out!... Ben, I've been so scared!
BEN: Take it easy love, take it easy.
POLLY: And that Cyberman thing, it just fizzled into nothing, Ben, it was awful...
(Ben looks over at the Doctor.)
BEN: Now what's the matter with the Doctor?
POLLY: I don't know. When the lights went out, he just seemed to faint.
(Ben bends down in front of the Doctor and snaps his fingers.)
BEN: Hey, come on Doctor, wakey wakey! It's all over now.
(The Doctor shakes his head.)
DOCTOR: What did you say, my boy? "It's all over." "It's all over." That's what you said. No... but it isn't all over. It's far from being all over.
BEN: What are you taking about?
(The Doctor has a glazed, distant look on his face.)
DOCTOR: I must get back to the TARDIS immediately!
POLLY: Alright, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes... I must go now.
BEN: Aren't we going to go back to say good-bye or anything?
DOCTOR: No! No, I must go at once.
(Polly offers a helping hand, but the Doctor refuses it, brushing quickly past. Ben holds out his scarf.)
BEN: Oh well, you better have this. We don't want you catching your death of cold.
DOCTOR: Ah, yes! Thank you. It's good. Keep warm.
(The Doctor leaves without waiting for his companions. Polly whispers to Ben.)
POLLY: What's happened to him?
BEN: Dunno. He seems to lost his sense of humour.
POLLY: Well I can't wait to get out of here!
(They walk through the Cyberman craft towards the exit. Ben looks at some fallen Cybermen as they go.)
BEN: Good looking guys, ain't they?
[SCENE_BREAK]
20. EXTERIOR THE TARDIS
(Outside, the Doctor battles through the snow, followed some distance behind by Ben and Polly. The Doctor stops in front of the TARDIS and opens the outer doors. He enters, and the doors shut just as Ben and Polly arrive.)
POLLY: Wait for us!
BEN: Open the door!
POLLY: Hey, let us in!
BEN: You can't leave us here, of all places! Open up!
POLLY: Doctor!
[SCENE_BREAK]
21. INTERIOR THE TARDIS
(In the control room, the Doctor is clearly weakening. He leans against the console and operates the door control; Ben and Polly burst in to see him stagger past the console and lean forward. The TARDIS controls are now working themselves; the door closes and the central column begins moving up and down. The Doctor's body is wracked by some huge inner turmoil; he struggles to stay on his feet, but the effort is too much for him. He collapses.)
POLLY: Doctor! Quick, help him!
BEN: No, leave him!
(Ben points at the unconscious Doctor. The old man is lying on his back, totally still, his face expressionless. As they watch, a strange glow comes over the Doctor's face; the glow brightens to a brilliant white, then fades. And the face which is left behind is that of a total stranger...) | Plan: A: the base; Q: What do the Cybermen take over? A: the Z-Bomb; Q: What do the Cybermen want to stop the humans from using? A: the Doctor; Q: Who realizes the Cybermen are going to use the Z-Bomb to destroy Earth? Summary: The Cybermen take over the base again, apparently to stop the humans using the Z-Bomb, but then the Doctor realises they intend to use it themselves to destroy Earth. |
The War Games By Malcolm Hulke and Terrance Dicks
5:15pm - 5:40pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1, EXT: NO-MAN'S LAND
(All around the field is a scene of mess. An old rusting barrels pockmarked with bullet holes compete for space in the middle of a muddy quagmire amongst rotting wooden piles, old discarded barbed wire and strips of filthy cloth and shredded tyres. In the air is the distant tang of woodsmoke and cordite. In the centre of a particularly nasty puddle a large blue shape appears with a strangled trumpeting of exhausted engines. The door of the Police-box opens and three distinctly odd passengers disembark. The first a young lad in a kilt, and following on a small dark-haired man in a frock coat and a young girl in a long raincoat. Jamie steps down from the TARDIS and immediately his shoes begin to get sucked down into the thick, unforgiving mud. The others laugh at him.)
JAMIE: Oh! What is this place?
ZOE: Doctor, where are we - Earth?
DOCTOR: Well it looks like it Zoe. Come on!
(Carefully they try to pick their way across the field without getting too dirty, and up a scrubby incline, the Doctor jauntily whistling "A hunting we will go" happily to himself. Zoe stops by a metal pile with rusting barbed wire coiled around it.)
ZOE: What's this stuff?
JAMIE: Ah, wee spikes! Oh!
(He reaches out to touch one, accidentally pricks himself and recoils sucking his finger)
DOCTOR: It's barbed wire Jamie, filthy stuff.
(He stoops to pick up a discarded tin helmet from under a soaking wooden board.)
DOCTOR: I thought so!
JAMIE: Eh? Where are we Doctor?
DOCTOR: We're back in history Jamie, one of the most terrible times on the planet Earth.
(The travellers all hit the ground as they hear several approaching whistles of falling shells which explode nearby in vast blossoms smoke and flame making the ground shake. A vicious chatter of machine-gun fire shatters the air.)
DOCTOR: QUICK! Down there!
(They scramble into a small bomb-crater in the ground. Jamie peers over the top, but the Doctor pulls him down.)
DOCTOR: JAMIE!
(They all flatten themselves against the ground as the creeping barrage tears the dirt to shreds showering them with earth and stones. Above where they are lying a worn and weary-looking first world-war ambulance judders into view like an old lame horse, and stops just before the barrage does. A dark-haired woman, the Lady Jennifer Buckingham, gets out of the ambulance, removes her driving goggles and looks down at the three travellers.)
BUCKINGHAM: I say! Are you alright?
DOCTOR: W..well yes, I-I think so.
BUCKINGHAM: I shouldn't stay around here if I were you, that was just the softening-up barrage!
DOCTOR: What?!
JAMIE: Eh?!
DOCTOR: Oh...oh my... Oh!
(They scramble up the side of the crater.)
DOCTOR: Well where are we?
BUCKINGHAM: Behind the lines I think. Not...too sure myself. I'm heading due-East, but I seem to have got...
(They all look around as they see two gas-masked German soldiers pointing rifles at them. The lead solder pulls off his mask.)
GERMAN SOLDIER: Hände rauf! Rücken schnell!
(He ushers them into the ambulance and it drives off across the muddy landscape, but they don't get far. A group of men rush the ambulance, and a dashing young officer, Carstairs, pulls away the German's rifle pointing a heavy service-revolver at his head.)
CARSTAIRS: Out you come!
BUCKINGHAM: There's another in the back.
(Carstairs motions to his man.)
CARSTAIRS: Take care of him.
(He edges around the back of the ambulance with another man, gun raised, but Jamie has already subdued both men, and is casually lying on top of them, their guns pressed up against the back of their necks. Carstairs looks astonished.)
CARSTAIRS: Well done.
(He motions to the German soldiers.)
CARSTAIRS: Get inside.
(He gets into the ambulance next to Lady Jennifer.)
CARSTAIRS: Who are those people?
BUCKINGHAM: No idea. Picked 'em up in no-man's land.
CARSTAIRS: Well I suppose we'd better get them back to base.
(The ambulance drives off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2, INT: TRENCH
(Major Barrington, a tidy officer with a trimmed moustache is sitting behind his desk speaking into a black field telephone by the light of a sturdy brass hurricane lamp looking every bit the Edmund Blackadder. All around shakes, debris falling from the ceiling, as the entire area is repeatedly shelled.)
BARRINGTON: They've laid down a heavy barrage all along the line, I think that they're after that ammo-dump. Don't worry sir, we'll hold out!
(He looks down at his map desperately as if his head were aching and picks up a small pencil. Instantly he regains a detached, professional composure as a young, thick Yorkshire-accented Sergeant rushes in and snaps to attention.)
SERGEANT: Sir?
BARRINGTON: What is it?
SERGEANT: Ambulance approaching sir.
BARRINGTON: Give it protective fire.
(The soldier remains erect.)
BARRINGTON: Jump to it man!
SERGEANT: Sir!
(The Sergeant rushes out again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3, EXT: TRENCH
(The trench is a muddy unpleasant waterlogged hole in the ground. It is constructed of dirty sandbags and soaking wooden beams. To one side a Private is firing away repeatedly with a machine gun, as the trench itself is bombarded from far away. The Sergeant ushers the people down a ladder into the trench.)
SERGEANT: Come on! Get down, get down!
CARSTAIRS: A couple of prisoners Sergeant, my men are bringing them in.
SERGEANT: Very good sir.
(The travellers wander a little way along the trench.)
JAMIE: How are we going to get back to the TARDIS?
DOCTOR: Now just be quiet Jamie, and let me do the talking.
[SCENE_BREAK]
4, INT: TRENCH
(The Sergeant returns to the room.)
SERGEANT: Sir?
(Barrington looks exasperated.)
BARRINGTON: Well, what is it now?
SERGEANT: With the ambulance sir, there was a Lieutenant.
BARRINGTON: Well bring 'im in!
SERGEANT: Sir.
(He exits, and Carstairs enters snapping a formal salute.)
CARSTAIRS: Lieutenant Carstairs sir.
BARRINGTON: Well what are you doing here? Don't belong to this battalion do you?
CARSTAIRS: No, patrolling in no-mans land sir. I got cut off from my own lot.
BARRINGTON: Well, what were you doing traipsing about in ambulances?
CARSTAIRS: Recaptured it from the Hun, sir. Lucky we arrived really. There's a WVR driving it, and three, ah, civilians inside.
BARRINGTON: Civilians? In no-man's land?
CARSTAIRS: Your sergeant's taking care of them, sir.
BARRINGTON: Good grief, civilians.
(He puts his head in his hands as his head begins to throb again, having the feeling that it really is going to be one of those days.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5, EXT: TRENCH
(The Sergeant walks by and gives the Doctor Jamie and Zoe each a chipped enamel mug of thick, sugarless tea, then departs.)
JAMIE: The thing is where are we?
ZOE: Early twentieth century isn't it, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Yes. I'm afraid that we've landed up in the middle of one of the worst wars in human history!
JAMIE: Why are they fighting stuck into the ground like this for?
DOCTOR: Well it's trench warfare you see, Jamie. These trenches stretch right the way across the continent of Europe.
JAMIE: Well what are they fighting for?
DOCTOR: Well I-well I believe that they call it "The War to End all Wars."
SERGEANT: The Major will see you now.
ZOE: Do-do you think they'll let us go?
DOCTOR: Well they've got no reason to keep us.
(The Doctor listens as the guns go silent. He places down his mug and approaches the incline of the trench.)
DOCTOR: Things seem to have quietened down now, let's try to get away.
(He gingerly attempts to climb up and poke his nose over the edge, but as soon as he does the machine guns begin their barrage again.)
DOCTOR: Oh-oh!
(An arm attached to the Sergeant pulls him bodily down again before he gets killed.)
DOCTOR: Argh!
SERGEANT: What do you think you're doing?!
DOCTOR: Well you see our transportation is over there, you see. We were trying to get to it.
SERGEANT: Over there? There's nothing over there but Huns! Anyway, the Major wants to see you.
DOCTOR: Oh-oh we want to bother him, I'm sure he's very busy...
SERGEANT: Come on!
(He turns to Jamie, Zoe and Lady Jennifer.)
SERGEANT: You too! Ma-ams, if you don't mind?
(They all enter the HQ.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6, INT: TRENCH
(Barrinton is on the phone again while Carstairs sits by the wall of the trench.)
BARRINGTON: Right sir, we'll go over the top at 0400 hours. ...Sir?
(He looks decidedly sick, but remains polite.)
BARRINGTON: As you say sir.
(He replaces the receiver.)
BARRINGTON: Well that was General Smythe, big-push tomorrow...How long have you been out here?
CARSTAIRS: Well sir, it's odd, but I can't quite remember.
BARRINGTON: I know, seems like forever doesn't it?
(The Sergeant walks in.)
SERGEANT: Civilian party sir.
BARRINGTON: Oh!
(The Sergeant shows them all in, and Barrington walks to behind his desk. The Doctor struggles to flatten his frock coat and straighten his bow tie to little avail.)
SERGEANT: Major Barrington, Ma-am.
BARRINGTON: Oh, how do you do Miss, er?
BUCKINGHAM: Jennifer Buckingham.
BARRINGTON: Ah. I understand that you picked these people up in no-man's land?
BUCKINGHAM: Yes, found them hiding in a bomb crater.
BARRINGTON: Excuse me, may I ask you what you were doing there?
DOCTOR: Trying not to get killed.
(He attempts his most winning smile, but the Major is unimpressed by his flippant attitude.)
BARRINGTON: I see.
(He sits down and glances at his book for a second.)
BARRINGTON: You're a highlander aren't you? Why aren't you with your regiment?
JAMIE: Regiment? I'm not in your army!
BARRINGTON: Are you a deserter?
JAMIE: No, of course not! I...
(Barrington put up a hand to silence Jamie, and moves to Zoe.)
BARRINGTON: All right, all right, all right. You, what are you doing here? This is the front line, no place for young ladies.
ZOE: But what about her?
(She motions to Lady Jennifer.)
BARRINGTON: This lady is a WVR, she's here on duty.
DOCTOR: Er, look Major, we er, we don't want to trouble you. If you'd just let us go on our way...
BARRINGTON: And which way is that?
SERGEANT: He tried to make off towards the German line, sir.
BARRINGTON: Did he by jove?
(There is the whistle of a falling shell close to the HQ, an the entire trench shakes knocking everyone about as if they had just been struck by an earthquake. Without dusting himself down Barrington picks up the telephone in a civilised manner as if nothing had happened.)
BARRINGTON: I think General Smythe would like to have a word with you. Hello? Get me General Smythe at base.
[SCENE_BREAK]
7, INT: DRAWING ROOM
(The Chateaux of a picture of decaying splendour. All around the bare walls are written on and stripped of paper, and underfoot, bare floorboards. As the constant noise of shelling rumbles on in the distance, a stern, hawk-faced man with silver hair wearing a general's uniform sits behind a wooden table holding a field telephone to his ear. Behind him, a set of ratty, ragged curtains partially conceal a set of French windows overlooking a palatially sized garden)
SMYTHE: Civilians? In no-man's land? Yes, send them back here at once. I'll question them myself.
(A lavish, yet peeling internal door opens and Captain Ransom enters.)
SMYTHE: Three civilians found in no-man's land.
RANSOM: Good lord sir. Whereabouts?
SMYTHE: Barrington's sector. He's sending them back here. I'll turn in for half an hour.
(He gets up and walks towards his private room.)
SMYTHE: Let me know when these civilians arrive will you?
RANSOM: Yes sir.
(Sergeant-Major Burns is short, stocky with a moustache waxed like a comedy villain. He walks in with two more sturdy enamel mugs of tea. He deposits one in Ransom's hand, and turns around to offer the other but the General has gone.)
RANSOM: Thank you Sergeant-Major.
(Ransom walks off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8, INT: SMYTHE'S ROOM
(Smythe's room is neat and orderly, if tiny. An unslept in bed sits opposite the door and the windows are taped up. To one side of the door and there is a table accommodating an old fashioned pitcher full of water and a bowl; to the other, a chest of draws with a series of ornaments and picture frames. On the wall above is a large picture of King George V. He moves to the picture and presses a concealed switch, and it swings open on a set of hidden hinges. Just at that moment Sergeant-Major opens the door and walks into the room with a mug of tea. Smythe spins around and glares evilly at the poor Sergeant-Major.)
SMYTHE: Don't ever come through that door without knocking! GET OUT!
(The Sergeant-Major jumps spilling the tea all over the floor.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Right sir!
(He hastily leaves, and Smythe turns back to the picture, opening it up. Behind it is the last thing that would be expected of an early 20th century General's room - a circular monitor screen with a large white dial and a series of smaller ones. He twists a dial on the top and the monitor begins to glow.)
SMYTHE: Smythe, nineteen-seventeen zone, British sector. Reinforcements urgently required. At least five-thousand specimens...
[SCENE_BREAK]
9, INT: TRENCH
(The Doctor is attempting to convince Major Barrington to release him.)
DOCTOR: But Major Barrington, if only you'd let us get out of here and back to our transport we'd be no further nuisance to you.
BARRINGTON: I'm afraid you'll have to go to the Chateaux and give a proper account of yourselves. For all I know you could be spies!
JAMIE: Now look, we keep trying to tell you ye daft sassanach!
BARRINGTON: Hold your tongue man!
JAMIE: No I won't!
DOCTOR: Now please, don't let us lose our tempers.
SERGEANT: The Flyer's just leaving for base now sir.
BARRINGTON: Good! Get them onto it, off you go.
JAMIE: Now just a moment, we're not going back to any base! Now come on!
(Jamie moves to leave.)
BARRINGTON: Sentry!
(A Private walks into the trench with his rifle raised.)
DOCTOR: Jamie, I think perhaps we'd better do as they say.
BARRINGTON: Well I'm glad one of you is showing some sense. Alright sergeant, take them away.
SERGEANT: Yes sir.
BUCKINGHAM: I'm sure you'll be alright, anyway, good luck.
(She shakes the Doctor by the hand.)
DOCTOR: Oh thank you very much. Ah.
(The travellers leave, and Barrington walks over to Lady Jennifer and Carstairs.)
BARRINGTON: Now then, what are we going to do about you two?
BUCKINGHAM: Could your men do something about my ambulance, it's bogged down just over the hill.
BARRINGTON: Yes, soon get that out for you.
(Barrington leaves and Lady Jennifer waits 'til she's sure he's gone.)
BUCKINGHAM: Funny about those people. They didn't look like spies.
CARSTAIRS: Spies never do. I don't envy them if they are, General Smythe can be pretty ruthless. Do you know what my chaps call him?
BUCKINGHAM: What?
CARSTAIRS: The butcher.
(He grins at her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10, INT: DRAWING ROOM
(The Doctor, Jamie and Zoe are escorted down a corridor.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Left-right left-right left-right. Prisoners and escort, halllf-time! Halt! Riiight-turn!
(The Sergeant-Major stops in front of a desk and snaps a salute off at Ransom who is sitting behind a desk on the opposite side of the room.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Civilian prisoners from Major Barrington sir.
RANSOM: Alright stand at ease.
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Stand-at ease!
(Jamie snaps to attention accidentally stamping on the Doctor's foot, who clutches at it lovingly.)
DOCTOR: Oh!
(The Sergeant-Major rolls his eyes.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: At ease!
RANSOM: The General wants to question you in person.
(Ransom leaves the group.)
DOCTOR: Oh good, I'm sure we'll be able to explain everything to his satisfaction.
(The Sergeant-Major grimly half-smiles to himself. Ransom walks in through the door to the General's room past where someone has chalked in:
ROLL ON DEATH
DEMOBS
FLY FAR
AWAY.
JAMIE OOV: Look, how long are we going to be kept here?
RANSOM: Sir?
(He looks around the General's room, but he is nowhere to be seen. For a moment he pauses, then he walks back out again.)
RANSOM: Take them to the cells Sergeant-Major.
DOCTOR: But I thought you said we were going to see the General?
(Ransom looks a little confused as if he's forgotten something important which is just beyond the tip of his mind.)
RANSOM: The General is... Not available.
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Prisoners and escort attention! Riiight-turn!
(Jamie turns to the left for a second, then to the right with all the others.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: By the front, quiiick-march. Left-right left-right...
ZOE: Oh there's no need to keep shouting at us you know!
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Left-right left-right left...
(Sergeant-Major and his prisoners vanish down the corridor again. Ransom stands silently for a moment, then glances towards the door of the General's room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11, INT: TRENCH
(Carstairs is pouring tea from an enamel can into his mug, and then stops, remembering his manners.)
CARSTAIRS: Oh I am sorry, do you want some more?
BUCKINGHAM: Thanks.
(He pours the remainder into her mug.)
CARSTAIRS: Where is your hospital?
BUCKINGHAM: Oh, it's...not far?
CARSTAIRS: Where abouts?
BUCKINGHAM: Well, you're going to think me awfully silly, but er, I can't quite remember.
CARSTAIRS: Don't worry, it'll come back to you. Memory's a funny thing out here. Can't always remember things myself.
BUCKINGHAM: What kinds of things?
CARSTAIRS: Oh, silly things. Names, dates...how long I've been here. Sometimes wonder if I've got a touch of the old shell-shock. Have you talked to anybody else about it?
BUCKINGHAM: I don't like to. One feels so stupid.
CARSTAIRS: Yes. Still, it is rather worrying not being able to remember things.
(The telephone begins to ring.)
CARSTAIRS: Ah, I suppose I'd better answer that.
(He gets up to answer the telephone, but as he has the receiver in his hand Barrington rushes in and takes it from him.)
BARRINGTON: Ah, thanks old man. Major Barrington. Yes. Right sir.
(He puts the phone down again.)
BARRINGTON: Well we're wanted at HQ, some sort of enquiry about those civilians we brought in here.
BUCKINGHAM: How long are we going to be? I'm bound to be needed back at the hospital.
BARRINGTON: We just got your ambulance out of the mud. We can all go in that, and then you can go straight on from HQ. Alright everybody ready?
[SCENE_BREAK]
12, INT: CELL
(The Doctor is sitting down waiting to meet the General as Jamie and Zoe restlessly try to plot their way out of the cell.)
JAMIE: And you'll not pick that lock with a hairclip either.
ZOE: And these walls are solid stone, there's just no way out!
JAMIE: Ah now what do we do then?
DOCTOR: It's only a temporary misunderstanding, Jamie. We'll get it cleared up when we see the General.
ZOE: What makes you think that he'll listen to us? Nobody else has.
DOCTOR: Ah, they were all obeying orders, that's the-the military mind.
ZOE: We must have looked a bit suspicious - three civilians in the middle of a war?
JAMIE: Aye, well I just hope that General does listen to us.
DOCTOR: Oh yes, I should expect he's a very nice chap.
(The Doctor smiles optimistically.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13, INT: DRAWING ROOM
(General Smythe leaves his room and approaches Ransom.)
SMYTHE: Got those reports yet?
RANSOM: I've just finished them now sir.
SMYTHE: Good.
RANSOM: By the way sir, those er, three civilians have turned up. I've er, got them in a cell.
SMYTHE: Oh, what of it?
RANSOM: As a matter of fact, I er..went into your room to tell you but, er...
(Smythe puts on his spectacles and turns to face Ransom gazing right into his eyes.)
SMYTHE: I was asleep captain Ransom. You did not want to disturb me.
(Ransom appears transfixed.)
RANSOM: Yes sir, you were asleep. I did not wish to disturb you.
SMYTHE: That's right.
(He takes off his spectacles again and Ransom snaps back to normal.)
SMYTHE: Now what do you make of these civilians?
RANSOM: Oh, two men and a young lady. According to Major Barrington they can't account for themselves. He seemed to think that the younger lad was a deserter, and apparently the older man tried to make off for the enemy lines.
(Sergeant-Major marches into the drawing room.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Sir! Major Barrington sir.
SMYTHE: Thanks.
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Sir, this is Lieutenant Carstairs and Lady Buckingham, sir.
SMYTHE: How do you do. Do sit down. Barrington, you know the adjutant, Ransom don't you?
BARRINGTON: Yes sir, we er... Er, Ransom and I were, er...
(He stops as if he has forgotten something. Smythe puts on his spectacles again, and stares at Barrington.)
SMYTHE: You were at school together. You were at school together!
BARRINGTON: Yes, that's right, we were at school together. How are you Ransom?
(He smiles politely. Smythe removes his spectacles.)
SMYTHE: Now tell me, where did you find these civilians?
[SCENE_BREAK]
14, INT: DRAWING ROOM (Later in the day)
(Smythe opens a book labelled:
KING'S REGULATONS
THE ARMY
[SCENE_BREAK]
Smythe is sitting at a long table with Ransom on his right and Barrington on his left. From the corridor Sergeant-Major marches the Doctor, Jamie and Zoe into the Drawing room and lines them up before the table.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Left-right left-right, prisoners escort-accused half-time. Halt, left-turn.
(The Doctor sees a familiar face and wanders forward, and Barrington looks shocked at the breach of protocol.)
DOCTOR: Major Barrington, pleased to see you!
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Accused! Back in line!
SMYTHE: If you are ready gentlemen? March the prisoners forward Sergeant-Major.
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Sir! Accused, one pace forward march!
JAMIE: Now look, what's going on here?
SMYTHE: The Court Martial is now in session.
DOCTOR: Court Martial? But we're civilians!
SMYTHE: This whole area is under Martial law.
DOCTOR: Yes well, that may be, but if you'll-you'll allow me to explain, we were...
SMYTHE: You will have the opportunity of addressing the Court at the proper time.
DOCTOR: Oh, thank you.
SMYTHE: Now, the statements of Carstairs and Lady Jennifer have been taken into evidence. The prisoners waylaid an ambulance in no-man's land...
DOCTOR: Waylaid?! The ambulance found us!
SMYTHE: The vehicle was later commandeered by a waiting enemy patrol. Recaptured by Lieutenant Carstairs, the prisoners insinuated themselves into a forward command post, where at the earliest opportunity the leader made a break for the enemy lines with whatever information he had gathered.
ZOE: Oh but that's just not true! You've twisted the whole thing!
DOCTOR: This is a travesty of justice! What are we charged with?
SMYTHE: In the case of this man, desertion from a highland regiment, in the case of yourself and the girl the charge is one of espionage. The penalty For all these crimes is death!
DOCTOR: But this is monstrous!
SMYTHE: We shall now hear the case for the defence. Have you anything to say?
DOCTOR: Yes I-I most certainly have! I-I... Am I allowed to question the witnesses?
SMYTHE: Certainly, we wish to give you every opportunity to explain yourselves.
DOCTOR: Oh, good.
(He turns to Jennifer.)
DOCTOR: Lady Jennifer, er will you please explain to these gentlemen the circumstances of our meeting.
(She opens her mouth to speak.)
SMYTHE: There' no need for that, it's in the statement. Next question.
DOCTOR: What? W-well...
(The Doctor turns to Carstairs.)
DOCTOR: Lieutenant Carstairs, when your men recaptured the ambulance, wasn't it clear to you that we were prisoners of the Germans?
SMYTHE: Has the defence finished with this witness?
DOCTOR: Well if you're not going to allow them to answer, what is the use?
SMYTHE: Very well. Have you any explanation to offer before the Court passes sentence?
ZOE: But you haven't heard anything yet! You don't really call this a trial do you?
SMYTHE: The Court will now consider it's verdict.
JAMIE: Hey you haven't even asked me anything!
SMYTHE: There is nothing to ask you. You are a deserter! March him away Sergeant-Major!
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Escort, accused left-turn. Left wheel, by the left quick-march! Left-right left-right... Halt!
(The party stops at the far side of the room while the adjudicators deliberate.)
JAMIE: I thought you were going to explain everything?
DOCTOR: Well he didn't give me a chance did he? There's something very strangely wrong here.
ZOE: Why has the General got it in for us? He seems determined to find us guilty!
DOCTOR: Yes, but why?
(Over at the table.)
RANSOM: I dunno, they-they seem pretty harmless to me.
BARRINGTON: Yes, there's no actual evidence of them actually spying on anything.
(Smythe places his spectacles upon his nose and stares at Ransom.)
SMYTHE: It is quite clear that they are all guilty!
(He turns to Barrington.)
SMYTHE: ...All guilty!
BARRINGTON: Yes, they're guilty. Knew it as soon as I looked at them.
RANSOM: There's clear evidence that they were spying.
SMYTHE: Thank you gentlemen, well now, I think we can resume. Sergeant Major, bring the prisoners back.
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Escort accused, left wheel! By the front quiiick-march. Left-right left-right, left wheel halllf-time. Halt! Riiight turn!
SMYTHE: The Court has carefully considered all of the evidence and finds you all guilty as charged. Desertion from a highland regiment in a time of war is a most heinous military crime.
JAMIE: Now look, I've deserted from nowhere! I was never in your rotten army!
SMYTHE: You will be confined to a military barracks awaiting a regimental Court Martial
JAMIE: Now look, I'm not being confined anywhere!
SMYTHE: You young lady have betrayed your King and country. You are sentenced to ten years penal servitude in a civilian prison.
ZOE: Oh but I haven't done anything!
SMYTHE: The court finds you guilty of espionage. For a crime of this magnitude there is only one penalty.
DOCTOR: But this is ridiculous!
(He turns to Jennifer and Carstairs.)
DOCTOR: YOU know all the evidence has been twisted against us! TELL THEM!
SMYTHE: The witnesses have given their evidence, the court has reached it's verdict. Now if you have nothing further to say, sentence will be passed!
DOCTOR: I most certainly have something further to say! This is all just a mockery! I demand the right to appeal to a higher authority!
SMYTHE: There is no right of appeal! You will be executed at dawn tomorrow!
(The Doctor puts his hand to his neck in dread.)
SMYTHE: Take him away Sergeant-Major!
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Prisoners and escort, left-turn!
JAMIE: Now just a moment, you can't do this to us!
(Jamie tries to run after the General.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Hold him!
(Two guards grab Jamie.)
JAMIE: Let go of me!
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Bang 'im over the 'ead please. Then take him to the military prison!
(They lead Jamie out.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: I'll take these two back to the cell sir.
BUCKINGHAM: Just a minute. Captain Ransom, surely you're not going to keep this poor girl in the cells all night?
RANSOM: Well there's nowhere else to leave her.
BUCKINGHAM: Well why not leave her here? I could look after her.
RANSOM: Yeah, I don't see why not.
BUCKINGHAM: Thank you.
RANSOM: Put a guard on the door Sergeant-Major. And take him away.
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Sir!
ZOE: Oh I don't want to leave you Doctor!
DOCTOR: Now you stay here Zoe.
(He kisses her on the forehead.)
DOCTOR: Goodbye my dear.
(Zoe turns to Carstairs.)
ZOE: Oh can't you help us Lieutenant Carstairs?
CARSTAIRS: Nothing I can do I'm afraid.
BARRINGTON: Well, nice to have met you both, must be getting back. Goodbye m'dear. Chin up.
(Barrington leaves.)
ZOE: But you can't let them execute the Doctor! He hasn't done anything!
RANSOM: You heard the evidence m'dear, it's all proved. I'm afraid he is a spy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
15, INT: CELL
(The Sergeant-Major and the guard march the Doctor back to the cell.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Left-right left-right left-right left-right left-right...
(The guard opens the door and leaves.)
GUARD: There we are.
SERGEANT-MAJOR: I'll er, see that they bring you something to eat.
DOCTOR: Oh thank you. Er, Sergeant-Major?
SERGEANT-MAJOR: What?
DOCTOR: Have-y have you been at the front long?
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Oh quite a while. I've been out here since...
(He pauses while he tries to remember.)
DOCTOR: What's the matter?
SERGEANT-MAJOR: Can't remember...
(He snaps out of his train of thought.)
SERGEANT-MAJOR: 'Ere, what are you asking me all these questions for?! Baah!
(He exits the cell closing the door behind him.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16, INT: SMYTHE'S ROOM
(Ransom approaches Smythe who is sitting on the end of his bed.)
RANSOM: Sir?
SMYTHE: Yes, what is it?
RANSOM: You wanted the keys to the prison cell?
(Ransom hands Smythe a ring of large iron keys, a precaution against them executing the Doctor without him present.)
SMYTHE: Oh yes. Is everything arranged for the execution?
RANSOM: Yes.
SMYTHE: Very well.
(Smythe waits until Ransom has left closing the door behind them. He hides the keys under his pillow then lies down with his hands under his head.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17, INT: DRAWING ROOM
(As the sentry marches up and down outside the door Lady Jennifer sleeps, but Zoe is very much awake. She gets up, checks that the coast is clear then gingerly tiptoes across the room. She silently opens the door of The General's room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18, INT: SMYTHE'S ROOM
(Zoe cautiously enters the room, but to her surprise it is completely empty. She looks around and spots the picture which doesn't appear to have been closed properly and opens it. She ponders the televiewer screen beneath for a moment, then moves to the other side of the room to search. Picking up the pillow she finds the General's keys, and rushes out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19, INT: CELL
(The Doctor is pacing his cell when he hears the rattle of keys in the lock. He hides behind the door and prepares to pounce. As Zoe walks in the Doctor jumps out and clasps her hands.)
DOCTOR: Zoe!
ZOE: Oh Doctor!
DOCTOR: How on Earth?
ZOE: Well I couldn't leave you to be shot could I, it's dawn!
DOCTOR: What a nice and clever girl you are. Now come on, we must find Jamie, they said something about a military prison didn't they?
(They rush to the door only to bump straight into Captain Ransom and two guards who are standing there.)
RANSOM: Quite right Doctor, it is time to go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
20, EXT: BEHIND THE CHATEAUX
(Zoe can do nothing but watch helplessly as the Doctor is led out to a wall around the back of the Chateaux, and tied to a stake. Before him is a line of soldiers with rifles standing at ease. Ransom marches forward.)
RANSOM: Squad, Attention!
(The soldiers stand to attention.)
RANSOM: Present!
(They raise their rifles.)
RANSOM: Take aim!
(Ransom draws in a breath to issue his final order. There is the sound of gunfire and the helpless form of the Doctor convulses horribly...) | Plan: A: the sinister General Smythe; Q: Who accuses the Doctor, Jamie and Zoe of espionage? Summary: The Doctor, Jamie and Zoe realise they have arrived in the trenches of the First World War, where the sinister General Smythe accuses them of espionage. |
[The Woods]
(Stefan and Elena wake up. They're lying on the ground, under a cover. She looks at him. She smiles)
Elena: Hi
Stefan: Hi
[Salvatore's' House]
(Stefan is in his bedroom, packing some stuff. Damon's here)
Damon: You're making a big mistake
Stefan: No, I'm not. If I can get Elena used to animal blood right out the gate...
Damon: You're reaching
Stefan: Maybe she'll be able to bypass all the things that we went through
Damon: Delusional
Stefan: Maybe she actually has a shot at this
Damon: Wrong. You're just wrong, Stefan
Stefan: She won't be able to handle it if she hurts someone, Damon. Her compassion is her Achilles' heel and everything is magnified right now
Damon: Then you better hope she's not a fan of Bambi
[The Woods]
(Stefan and Elena are looking at a doe. She doesn't seem convinced)
Stefan: Close your eyes
(She closes them. Stefan uses he speed and goes to the doe)
[Salvatore's House]
Damon: She needs human blood, Stefan. From the vein
Stefan: Oh, come on, you know what happens. You name me a vampire who didn't kill at least one person when they were new
(Damon gets up)
Damon: You name me one who went on the bunny diet and didn't kill dozens
[The woods]
(Elena has drunk from the dos. She has blood on her mouth and seems about to cry)
[Salvatore's House]
Stefan: If she kills someone, she will crumble. How much pain do you think she can take before she shuts off her humanity switch?
Damon: It happens to the best of us at least once
[The woods]
(Elena gets up and the doe leaves)
[Salvatore's House]
Damon: We get over it, Stefan. A hundred years or so
Stefan: Yeah, well, I think I'd like her to skip that part
Damon: She can't learn to control the blood lust if she's never actually experienced the blood lust
(He empties Stefan's bag)
Stefan: What are you doing? Knock it off
(Damon continues)
Damon: It's like a cheat. Like giving a kid a calculator before they know math
(Stefan catches his arm)
Stefan: I said stop
(Damon pushes him. They look at each other)
[The Woods]
(Elena looks at the blood on her hands. She seems shaken)
Stefan: Don't worry, he'll heel. Bigger animals are more resilient
(He removes the blood from her mouth with a tissue)
Stefan: Hey. You did it. I know it's hard. But you can do this
(She's crying. She nods)
[Salvatore's House]
(Elena enters the room and sees the tension between Stefan and Damon)
Elena: Whoa. What's going on?
Stefan: Oh, we're just having a little disagreement about process, right?
Elena: You're still not on board with the animal plan
Damon: Nope. I say rip off the proverbial Band-Aid and let it bleed. You're a vampire, Elena. Be a vampire
(Stefan puts his stuff back in the bag and rejoins Elena. She looks at him)
Stefan: You ready to go?
(She nods. They're about to leave)
Damon: vampires eat people
(They stop)
Damon: It's part of the natural food pyramid. Trust me. You're going to be miserable
(They leave)
[The woods]
Elena: I can't do it
(She laughs)
Stefan: All right, it's like the starting line of a race, right? So you just push off with every ounce of strength that you have, ok?
(She looks at him)
Elena: I was a cheerleader. I sucked at track
Stefan: Just concentrate, ok? You can do it
(She bends. He touches her waist. She smiles)
Elena: I can't. All I can think about is your hands on my body
Stefan: Oh ok
(He removes them)
Elena: No, no, no, I didn't...
(She puts them back)
Elena: I didn't say take them off. It feels good
Stefan: Yeah? What does it feel like?
Elena: It feels like you're touching every nerve on my body
(He caresses her arms)
Stefan: Everything is heightened
(He whispers in her ear)
Stefan: Taste. The smell. Sight. Touch
(He kisses her neck. She turns herself and they kiss. He carries her and pushes her against a tree. They undress each other and kiss but suddenly she pushes him. She's not okay. She leaves with her vampire speed and kneels on the ground. She vomits blood)
[Pastor Young House]
(The house is burned. A man enters and looks around. He looks at the opened gas line. He sees a lighter on the ground. He opens the oven and finds a letter inside. The letter is for a girl named April. He takes it and opens it. He reads it)
[Mystic Grill]
(Damon is sitting alone at the bar, drinking. Liz arrives, a newspaper in her hand and is about to sit next to him)
Damon: This seat's taken
(She puts the newspaper in front of him. He takes it and reads it)
Damon: "Faulty gas line leads to tragic explosion at Young farm". Really?
Liz: Better than "Town council blown up, police have no suspects". Unless the perpetrator's right next to me
Damon: Well, don't look at me. I always take credit for killing people
(She looks at him suspiciously)
Damon: Seriously, stop looking at me like that, Liz. If I was going to kill ten people, I wouldn't blow 'em up. I'd have a dinner party
Liz: The explosion was sparked from inside. This wasn't an accident
(The man who was in the pastor's house enters and sees them, he walks toward them)
Damon: You say that like it's a bad thing. The council's dead, Liz. I see that as a win
Liz: I've known some of the council since I was a kid. They were my friends
Damon: Well, your friends tried to kill your daughter. Who's the new guy?
(The man rejoins them)
Man: Excuse me, sheriff. Hi. I was wondering if I could speak to you for a minute. It's about the explosion at the Young farm
Liz: I'm sorry, mister...
Man: Oh, Connor Jordan
Liz: Are you with the insurance investigators?
Connor: No, no, I'm more of an independent contractor. Can we speak in private?
Liz: Sure
Connor: Thanks
(She looks at Damon and follows Connor)
Damon: Nice to meet you, too, Mr. Busybody Guy
[Mystic Falls' High School]
(Jeremy and Matt are loading boxes in the trunk of a car)
Matt: So what are these again?
Jeremy: They're paper lanterns. Student council made them for after the memorial. You light them up in honor of all the dead
Matt: Nobody thought fire might be a little inappropriate?
Jeremy: Yeah, I wouldn't make that crack in front of Elena
(They return to one of the picnic tables)
Matt: How is she?
Jeremy: I guess she's fine... considering
Matt: If there's anything I can do, you know, short of giving her a ride, you'll let me know, right? I'm only alive because she told Stefan to save me first. She's a vampire because of me, so I'd like to pay it back or forward or whatever
Jeremy: Yeah
(They're rejoined by a girl)
Girl: Jeremy?
(They look at her but don't seem to recognize her)
Girl: Picture an emo pixie cut and braces
Jeremy: April?
April: Yeah
Jeremy: Oh, you look great
(He looks at Matt)
Jeremy: Do you remember April? Elena used to...
Matt: Elena used to baby-sit you, yeah, I remember
April: Yeah, before I got shipped off to boarding school by my dad
Jeremy: Your dad. Oh, my God, I am so sorry about your dad
April: Thank you. I guess. I sort of don't know how to answer when people say that
Matt: Your dad was Pastor Young, right?
April: He of the faulty gas line. Sorry. I haven't figured out what to say about that yet, either. Wow, I am being a freak. I'm just, you know, not much for grief, I guess. I have to go register... Or something. I think
(She leaves. They look at her)
[Salvatore's House]
(Elena is in Stefan's bedroom, leaving a voicemail de Caroline)
Elena: Hey, care, it's me. I'm back. I, um... Can you call me? I've been having some... adjustment issues
(Stefan comes back and she hangs up)
Elena: Hey
Stefan: Hi
(He has a bottle of champagne in his hand)
Elena: Well, what's that for?
Stefan: This is from the year you were born. I think we should celebrate
Elena: Celebrate what?
Stefan: Your first feed. I know it was disgusting and traumatic and it was horrible. But you did it anyway. You survived it
Elena: Well, um... I wouldn't say I survived it. It actually kind of made me sick
Stefan: Listen, I choked it down for a month before I could stomach the taste. It gets easier. This, on the other hand, will go down like silk
(They smile)
Elena: You're so cheery
Stefan: Yeah, because you're here. You're...alive. Ish. And, uh, you're going... you're going to get through this. So, would you like to do the honors?
Elena: Okay
(She takes the bottle and opens it)
Elena: Oh!
(She smiles. The champagne pours everywhere)
Elena: Oh my god
(She's smiling. Stefan pours the champagne in two cups)
Stefan: Cheers
(They kiss. His phone rings. He answers. It's Damon)
Stefan: Ah, perfect timing, Damon. Yeah, we just got back. What?
[Mystic Grill]
(Elena sits down next to him)
Elena: Did you do it?
Damon: That seat's taken
Elena: But there's no one here
Damon: Well, I'm just going to pretend like there's someone there because the alternative's just too damn depressing
(She sits down in the other sit next to him)
Elena: Did you set off the explosion that killed the town council?
Damon: Am I wearing my "I blew up the council" t-shirt? Why does everybody keep asking me that?
Elena: Did you?
Damon: No. Anything else?
Elena: Yes. Something's wrong. I can't keep any of the animal blood down
Damon: Well, there's a shock
Elena: I think I need your help
Damon: Of course you do. Pick your meal
(He starts pointing out to people)
Damon: You got Asian fusion, Mexican, what about some good old American comfort food?
Elena: No. No human blood. Stefan's right. I have to at least try to get through this without hurting anyone
(He drinks)
Damon: Fine. Come on
(He takes her by the arm so she follows him)
(They enter the restrooms and he locks the door)
Elena: What are you doing?
(He bites his hand)
Damon: Giving you what you need. Drink
Elena: What?
Damon: You're a new vampire Elena. You need warm blood from the vein. Maybe this will do the trick. Just don't tell Stefan
Elena: Why?
Damon: Because blood sharing is kind of...personal
Elena: What do you mean, it's personal?
Damon: Just drink!
(She hesitates, looks at him and he nods. She takes his hand and finally drinks. He touches her hair and she pushes him against a wall, still drinking)
[Lockwood's Mansion]
(Tyler and Caroline are in bed. They're half naked and kissing)
Caroline: This is wrong. A bunch of people died and we're having s*x
Tyler: Grief s*x. It's healthy
Caroline: It's selfish
Tyler: It's natural. Besides, if we stopped having s*x every time somebody died in this town, we'd explode
Caroline: We need to be more sensitive
(He touches her)
Caroline: Tyler
Tyler: Oh, come on. I love you. How's that for sensitive?
(She smiles and looks at him)
Caroline: I love you too
(They smile, laugh and kiss. The bell rings)
Tyler: Who the hell is that?
(Carol opens the door. It's Connor)
Carol: May I help you?
Connor: Good evening. I'm hoping I can help you, actually. I spoke with Sheriff Forbes earlier. My name is Connor Jordan
Carol: Carol Lockwood
(They shake hands. He's still wearing his glove)
Carol: I know who you are, Connor. And I believe the sheriff made it clear that the tragedy at the farm house was an internal matter
Connor: That's one way of looking at it, I guess. Although I prefer the term "cover-up". Do you mind if I come in?
Carol: You know, I really don't think that's a good idea
(He enters anyway)
Carol: Excuse me
Connor: Thank you. You're aware that it wasn't an accident. Any rookie fireman could tell you that
Carol: What are you, the press?
Connor: Not exactly. So 12 council members are dead. You're the mayor. Why weren't you at that meeting?
Carol: It wasn't official town business
Connor: What was it then?
(Tyler goes down the stairs)
Tyler: Mom? What's going on?
(He looks at Connor)
Tyler: Is there something I can help you with?
Connor: Maybe. How you doing? I'm Connor
(They shake hands but Tyler is burned by the glove. He groans. Connor takes a gun and shoots him)
Carol: Tyler! Oh, my God!
(Connor reloads his gun)
Carol: Tyler, run!
(He opens his eyes and runs through the window. Connor runs after him. Caroline goes down the stairs. Carol is shocked and they look at the blood on the floor)
[Salvatore's House]
(Tyler is shirtless on the couch. Stefan is removing the bullets. Caroline's here)
Caroline: Please tell me that's the last one
(Stefan looks at the bullet)
Stefan: These were specially carved. The length, the width. If you were a normal vampire, you would be dead
(There's a symbol on the bullet)
Tyler: This guy knew what he was doing. His gloves must have been steeped in vervain. He was looking for a vampire and he didn't hesitate for a second when he found one
(Stefan is still looking at the bullet)
Stefan: These etchings...
(He touches it but he's burned)
Caroline: Are the bullets spelled?
Stefan: I don't know. They're something
[Mystic Falls' Church]
(Elena, Matt and other people are in the church, prepping the memorial. Matt rejoins Elena)
Matt: How are you feeling? You look a little, uh, strong out
Elena: I'm fine. It's just my emotions are all over the place. Everything's heightened. I mean, just the sight of all the names of the dead makes me want to cry for a week
Matt: You didn't have to volunteer
Elena: People died. People we've known our whole lives. So... Yeah, I did
(She sees April sitting alone in the front row)
Elena: Is that...?
Matt: April Young, yeah
Elena: Oh, wow
(Elena rejoins April)
Elena: Hey there
April: Hey. Long time, no see. Not since...
Elena: My parents' funeral
(Elena hugs her)
April: Yeah
Elena: Are you going to survive this?
April: They want me to speak. I guess all the kids who lost somebody can. What am I supposed to say? "I'm sorry my dad didn't fix the gas line." But if I don't say anything, then... I mean, what if nobody does? I mean, my dad and I didn't always get along or anything, but everybody still deserves to have nice things said about them at their own funeral, you know? I mean, for my mom's funeral, everybody said some really nice things. I...
Elena: You say what you want to say. Or you don't say anything at all. And don't worry about your dad. Everyone in this town loved him
April: Yeah. Until 2 days ago
Elena: Even still
(April is crying. Elena touches her hand but feels and hears her pulse. She's not okay)
Elena: I'm sorry, I... I have to go
(She leaves. April watches her leave)
(Elena enters the restrooms and bends next to the toilet. She vomits blood. He has blood on her hands and there is blood all over the toilet. She gets up and goes to the sink and vomits blood again. She's panicked and starts to cry and looks at her dress. There's blood on it)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Bonnie's House]
(Bonnie is lying on her couch. Stefan knocks on the door)
Stefan: Bonnie? Bonnie, I know you're in there. I can hear you breathing. Bonnie, please, it's important
(She finally goes to the door and opens it)
Stefan: Hey. Are you alright?
(He goes towards her but can't enter)
Stefan: Can I come in, please?
(She nods and he enters. He embraces her)
Stefan: Hey. Hey
(She cries in his arms)
(Bonnie and Stefan are in the living room)
Bonnie: My grams, it was like she was dying all over again. Just because I didn't listen to her about not doing black magic
Stefan: Well, you're dealing with the other side. It's not reliable. Witches were probably just messing with your head, trying to teach you a lesson
Bonnie: Well, it worked. I tried to do a basic nature spell this morning just to clear my head, and... It just brought it all back. Like it was happening all over again. I'm sorry. I'm a mess. I've been holed up in here, avoiding everyone. I've completely blown off Jamie. You came here 'cause you needed something, right?
Stefan: Yeah. But it can wait
Bonnie: Oh, come on, Stefan, I'm ok. Come on. You're not exactly a drop by kind of guy. If something's wrong, tell me
Stefan: All right
(He sits down next to her and shows her the bullets)
Stefan: these burns to the touch. Could just be steeped in vervain, but this writing--have you ever seen anything like this before?
Bonnie: No, it's not magical writing, if that's what you're thinking. Where'd you get these?
Stefan: I think we have a new vampire hunter in town
Bonnie: Hmm. That's bad timing
[Mystic Falls' Church]
(Elena is cleaning the mirror and on the phone with Damon)
Damon: I'm here, I'm here. Where are you?
Elena: I'm in the basement bathroom
(Someone tries to enter she turns to the door)
Elena: Is that you at the door?
Damon: Not yet
(Connor is at the door. He knocks. She shouts at him)
Elena: I'm sorry, there's someone in here. Damon, hurry
(There's blood everywhere. She cleans it. Damon arrives and sees Connor)
Damon: You again. Stalking small town funerals?
(She opens the door)
Elena: Oh, Damon. Thank god
(He gives her something. Connor watches them. She passes her head through the door to look at him)
Elena: Sorry, I spilled coffee all over my dress
(He gets up. She looks at Damon and he nods and smiles. She goes back inside and closes the door)
Connor: We have not met. I'm Connor. Jordan
(He raises his hand to shake Damon's)
Damon: Damon. Germaphobe. Everything ok in there?
Elena: Just a minute!
(She's putting all the paper filled with blood in her bag)
Damon: So what brings you to Mystic Falls? Bible salesman?
Connor: No, no, actually I'm in, uh, environmental clean-up
Damon: Oh
Connor: Heard you had a bit of a pollution problem
Damon: Huh. Well, I was unaware. I breathe pretty easy
(She gets out. She's changed clothes. She looks at Connor)
Elena: I'm so sorry that took so long
Connor: No problem
Damon: Well, enjoy your stay. We love visitors, and the scenery is to die for
(He puts his hand on his mouth as is shocked)
Damon: Funeral parlor. Too soon. Sorry
(Damon looks at him and they leave)
(April is alone on the mezzanine and is trying to write something. She raises her head, surprised. Connor is here)
April: Sorry, you scared me. I was just practicing my speech for later
(She gets up and he stabs her. He sits her down on the bench. She has blood on her hand and blood falls from her mouth)
(Damon and Elena are outside)
Elena: Did you bring the blood bag?
Damon: Do you want to say that a little louder?
(He gives it to her and she drinks. She spits it)
Damon: Elena!
Elena: No, I can't. It tastes like... What's wrong with me?
Damon: I don't know. Maybe it's your doppelganger blood, you're rejecting the transition
Elena: I'm dying, aren't I?
Damon: No, you're not dying. You just need to drink from the vein
Elena: No. No, no. I can't risk killing anyone, Damon. Maybe I'm better off dead
Damon: Don't even think like that, Elena. You'll be fine. Ok?
Elena: I have to get back inside
(She leaves. Stefan watches her and watches Damon putting the blood bag in Elena's bag. Damon gets up and sees him. Stefan rejoins him)
Damon: Oh, great
Stefan: What's in the bag, Damon?
Damon: Mid-service snack. Church always gets me hungry. The whole blood of Christ thing, you know. I brought it for Elena
Stefan: You're really that intent on having your way?
Damon: It's not my way, it's the only way
Stefan: If she hurts someone, she'll be desperate to turn the guilt off. Maybe even desperate enough to shut off her humanity
Damon: What, and become a ripper?
Stefan: We can't let her be anything like me
Damon: Or God forbid she's anything like me. That's really what you're thinking. She's going to go off the rails eventually anyway, Stefan. So the faster we can make it happen, the sooner we can get her back on track
Stefan: She's strong. If we help her, she can survive
Damon: She's starving, Stefan. She hasn't been able to keep blood down for days
Stefan: What are you talking about? She told me she was fine
Damon: Well, she lied. Your four-legged protein shake was a bust. The juice box was a no-go. She can't even keep my blood down
(He realizes what he just said and Stefan is shocked)
Stefan: She drank from you?
Damon: Oops. Did I say that out loud?
(He leaves)
(The church is crowded. Elena enters and go sit down next to Matt and Jeremy. They looks at her)
Matt: are you okay?
Elena: I'm fine
Jeremy: Hey, April was looking for you. She wanted help with her speech
Elena: Oh. Where is she?
Jeremy: I don't know
(Stefan enters and stops next to Caroline and Tyler)
Stefan: What are you doing here, Tyler?
Tyler: Being sensitive to the community's loss
Stefan: Hmm. With a hunter out to get you?
Tyler: I'm not letting a hunter stop me from where I'm supposed to be
Caroline: Also, if he shows his face, I'm going to kick his ass
(Stefan go sit down. Carol takes the stage)
Carol: Before we begin the mass, we'd like to open the floor to anyone who would like to store a memory about our late friends on the town council. I know that April Young wanted to say a few words about her dad. April?
(Elena looks around, concerned)
Carol: April? Are you still here, honey?
(Connor is charging his gun)
Carol: Is there anyone else who would like to share a recollection or a memory about Pastor Young?
(Connor is aiming his gun, going through the crowd. Nobody says anything and Elena finally gets up. Connor and everyone look at her and Caroline is surprised)
Carol: Come on up, Elena
(She walks toward the stage. Connor aims the gun at her to look at her. Damon enters. Stefan, Caroline and Tyler look at him. Damon puts his hand in the holy water and makes the sign of the cross. He smiles while doing it)
Damon: Don't know why that always makes me smile
(He sits down next to Stefan. Elena is on stage and doesn't seem good)
Damon: She doesn't look so good
Stefan: Maybe you should have told me she was rejecting all food sources
Damon: Jealousy's beneath you, brother
Stefan: Oh, bite me
Elena: I, um, when I talked to April earlier, she was kind of nervous about coming up to speak, and... Now that I'm up here, I'm kind of nervous, too. The worst day of loving someone is the day that you lose them
(She's about to cry and hears something drop)
Caroline: Do you smell that?
Tyler: Blood
(There's a blood stain on the ceiling and the blood in dropping in the holy water. Damon whispers)
Damon: Nobody move. Don't turn around. It's a trap
(It's April's blood. Connor is aiming his gun at Elena. She is pale and sweating. She can see the blood)
Elena: I, um...
(The veins appear under her eyes. Stefan comes next to her)
Stefan: It's ok. It's ok. I got you, I got you
(He's holding her and supporting her while they walk to their seat. Connor follows their movement with his gun. Their return to their sits next to Matt and Jeremy and the pastor takes the stage)
Pastor: Please turn to page 42 in your hymn book. Let us join together in song
(Elena is in Stefan's arms)
Elena: The blood. Stefan, the blood, I can smell it. There's so much
Stefan: It's all right. It's all right; just remember what we talked about. Focus, push back. Come on, you can do this
Matt: What's wrong with her?
Stefan: She's hungry. She hasn't fed
Matt: So get her out of here
Stefan: We can't. There's somebody watching us
Damon: I'm going to go rip his head off now
Stefan: You do that, Damon, and you risk exposing all of us
Damon: Well, I think the risk will be slightly diminished when I, you know, rip his head off
Elena: Stefan, I'm losing it
Damon: You have 10 seconds before I go old-fashioned on the new guy
Stefan: Don't do it, Damon, please
Damon: 3, 2, 1, bye
(He's about to leave)
Matt: Wait, wait, wait, Elena. Feed from me
(Damon is surprised. Tyler looks at them. Jeremy is looking at him)
Matt: It's ok. Everyone will just think you're upset. Feed from me
(Elena looks at Stefan. He looks at Matt and then at her. Matt takes her in his arms. Connor is watching them but all he can see is the back of their heads and Elena in Matt's arms)
Matt: It's ok. You're ok
(Stefan looks at them. Elena finally bites Matt on the neck and drinks. Connor can't see anything. Damon is watching them. She finally stops)
Elena: Thank you
(She removes the blood from her mouth)
Elena: The blood, there's so much. It's got to be April. We have to help her
Stefan: Elena, we can't risk it
Elena: Then I'm going to do it
(Tyler goes to the stage)
Tyler: Excuse me. I just wanted to say a few words about Pastor Young
(Connor aims his gun at him)
Elena: What do we do?
Tyler: Back in first grade, I was a brat who couldn't be bothered with team sports. Didn't care much about anything that didn't affect me. But he was the one who made me understand how important it is to be part of a team; a community. Of giving yourself up for the sake of...
(Connor shoots him. Everyone screams. Elena is shocked. Matt looks around. Connor takes his bag and leaves. Everyone is leaving. Caroline gets up and goes toward Tyler. Carol is with him. Elena is on the stage and looks at him. Caroline bends next to him. Stefan rejoins Elena. Caroline removes the stake from Tyler's chest. He coughs)
Tyler: I'm going to kill that b*st*rd
Stefan: Damon's way ahead of you. Stay here, I have to help him
Elena: What about April?
Caroline: I got it, go
Carol: I have to call an ambulance
(Elena looks at Tyler and leaves)
Caroline: No, he's fine!
Carol: The whole town just watched you get shot. I'm calling an ambulance
(She leaves the stage)
Caroline: Elena?
(Connor is outside and enters his truck but Damon rushes over him, rips his door apart, catches him and throws him on the ground. Connor shoots him various times. Damon takes his gun but Connor uses his combat skill to be on top of it. He takes a stake and tries to stake him but Damon resists. Stefan is outside)
Stefan: Damon?
(Connor leaves. Stefan runs toward them but it's too late. Damon is on the ground. Stefan looks at him and offers his hand and helps him get up but punches him)
Damon: What the hell was that for?
Stefan: You know what
(He leaves. Damon's still on the ground)
(Elena is on the mezzanine and finds April)
Elena: April!
(She rushes over her but stops when she sees the blood. Her face changes and April opens her eyes. She rushes over her, her fangs out but Caroline stops her)
Caroline: She's not dead, but if you feed on her, you will kill her!
Elena: Let go of me!
Caroline: Look at her! Look at her, Elena. It's April. April Young. She's not a warm body for you to feed on. She's your friend
(Elena stops struggling and her face becomes normal again. Caroline releases her.
Caroline: She's an orphan, just like you. And she's scared, just like you were
(She bites her wrist and bends next to April. She removes her gag and makes her drink her blood. She looks around, panicked, she's panicked)
April: Please! Don't hurt me, please!
Caroline: No one's going to hurt you. No one's going to hurt you
(She turns herself to look at Elena and gets up)
Caroline: She needs you. You can make her forget all of this
April: Why did he do this?
(She looks at the blood on her hands)
Elena: No, I...I can't, Caroline, you have to do it
Caroline: No, the only way you're going to learn is if you do it yourself
Elena: No, I can't...
Caroline: Yes, you can. You just need to believe what you're telling her
(Elena finally bends next to her. April is panicked and looks around)
Elena: April, listen to me
(April looks at her)
Elena: Everything's going to be ok
(It doesn't work)
Elena: You're going to get through this, just like I got through it
(It finally works)
Elena: And I'm going to help you. I promise
April: I'm going to be okay. You're gonna help me
(Elena smiles and looks at Caroline. Caroline is smiling. Elena looks at April and continues)
Elena: You watched the funeral from up here so that you could grieve alone. It was a beautiful service. People said really nice things
(April smiles)
[Mystic Grill]
(Jeremy and Matt are at the bar. Matt has a Band-Aid on his neck)
Matt: That was insane. How do you think they'll cover this one up?
Jeremy: An assassination attempt on the mayor's son
Matt: Altar boy goes postal
(Connor is at the bar. He looks at Matt)
Connor: Hey. What happened there?
(He shows his neck)
Matt: Girlfriend went a little overboard
(Jeremy gets up and looks at Connor and then at his arm and sees a tattoo)
Jeremy: Nice ink
(They leave. Connor is surprised. The tattoo isn't there anymore)
Matt: What ink?
Jeremy: You didn't see his tattoo? It was huge
Matt: He didn't have a tattoo
Jeremy: Yeah, he did
[A trailer]
(Connor enter a trailer. He sits down at a table and opens the letter destined to April. He reads it)
Pastor Young: "Dear April, I'm sorry for what you're going through. What I did was a necessary sacrifice, and I'm afraid it's only the first of many more sacrifices to come. There's always been an evil that spread through Mystic Falls, but now a greater one is coming. My death is but the first in the war ahead. I will see you again when we all find our salvation. Until then, I love you. Dad."
(Connor then looks at the list of the council members)
[Salvatore's House]
(Stefan gives a glass of bourbon to Elena)
Stefan: Helps with the cravings
Elena: You're mad
Stefan: Yeah, I'm mad. You lied to me
Elena: I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you...
Stefan: Come on, Elena, you lied to me
Elena: You were just so happy that things were going well, and...
Stefan: You think I'm happy?
Elena: I just didn't want to ruin it for you
Stefan: You're in hell, which means that I'm in hell. And then you go to Damon for help
Elena: Yeah, because I thought that he would understand
Stefan: You think I don't?
Elena: Stefan, please...
Stefan: You fed on him, Elena. You fed on him. I know that may not mean much to you, but it means a lot to me. And I know it certainly meant a lot to Damon
Elena: I didn't want to hurt you. I'm...I'm sorry. Look, I'm really, really sorry, I...
(She's crying)
Elena: Why am I crying? I am so sick of crying
Stefan: Your emotions are a bit heightened right now
Elena: I feel like I've been crying since the day that my parents died. My life is...It's like a never ending funeral. We keep burying people, Stefan. You want to know what's heightened? It's grief. I can't stop feeling everyone's grief. All the hurt, I feel like it's trying to explode out of me
(She's crying)
Stefan: Hey. Hey. Come on. Come with me
Elena: Where?
Stefan: Something we need to do
[Mystic Fall' High School]
(Damon and Bonnie arrive)
Damon: What are we doing here?
Bonnie: I don't know
(Caroline, Matt, Elena, Jeremy and Stefan are all there. Stefan is taking Japanese lanterns out of a box)
Bonnie: Ask Stefan
Damon: Stefan, What are we doing?
Stefan: We're finishing the memorial we didn't get to have earlier. We need to start healing, Damon. We've all lost so much, especially recently. I think we're numb to it. We push it away, we make a joke out of it, ignore how we feel. Time to just let ourselves grieve
Damon: So you're lighting lanterns
Stefan: Yeah, yeah. We need to do this
Damon: What we need to do is find out who this hunter is and what he knows about the death of the council. We have more important things to be doing right now than this
Stefan: Not tonight, we don't. This is for my Uncle Zach. My friend Lexi. For Alaric
(He lights his lantern. Matt is next to him and takes the lighter)
Matt: This is for Vickie
(He lights his lantern. Caroline gets up and takes the lighter)
Caroline: This is for my dad. And Tyler's
(She lights her lantern and Jeremy gets up and takes the lighter)
Jeremy: This is for our parents, for Vickie... Anna, Jenna. And Alaric
(He looks at Damon and hands him the lighter but Damon refuses it)
Damon: No way. I'm not doing that
(He leaves. Jeremy looks at Bonnie. She takes a lantern from the box, gets up, takes the lighter and goes next to Caroline)
Bonnie: This is for my grams
(Stefan looks at Elena. She gets up)
Elena: This, um... Is for my mom, my dad and Jenna... Everyone that we've all lost; everyone that this town has lost. And for me. I guess
(She sheds a tear and looks at Jeremy. She lights her lantern and releases it so it floats in the sky. She looks at it. The others do the same)
[Mystic Falls' cemetery]
(Damon is in front of Alaric's grave)
Damon: They're floating lanterns in the sky. Can you believe that? Japanese lantern is a symbol of letting go of the past. Well, here's a newsflash... we're not Japanese. You know what they are? Children. Like lighting a candle's going to make everything ok. Or even saying a prayer, or pretending Elena is not going to end up just like the rest of us murderous vampires. Stupid, delusional, exasperating little children. I know what you're going to say. It makes them feel better, Damon. So what? For how long? A minute? A day? What difference does it make?
(Alaric appears)
Damon: Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing that you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be. And a rock. With a birthday carved into it that I'm pretty sure is wrong. Ahhh. So, thanks, friend. Thanks for leaving me here to baby-sit. Because I should be long gone by now. I didn't get the girl. Remember? I'm just stuck here fighting with my brother and taking care of the kids. You owe me big
(He puts the bottle on the grave and leaves)
Alaric: I miss you, too, buddy | Plan: A: Gilberts; Q: Who is April Young's old friend? A: her father's death; Q: Why does April Young return to town? A: a vampire hunter; Q: What is Connor Jordon? A: Connor; Q: Who kidnaps April Young? A: Mystic Falls; Q: Where is Connor Jordon investigating the supernatural population? A: the Council; Q: Who did Connor Jordon think was killed in the explosion? A: vervain; Q: What are Connor's gloves made of? A: Tyler; Q: Who is a hybrid vampire? A: Jeremy; Q: Who meets Connor at the Mystic Grill? A: a tattoo; Q: What does Jeremy notice about Connor? A: Stefan; Q: Who punches Damon after he shares blood with Elena? A: animal blood; Q: What is Elena having trouble keeping down? A: Damon; Q: Who does Elena turn to for help? A: the vein; Q: What part of Damon's body does Elena think she needs blood from? A: stabs; Q: How does Connor kill April? A: any vampires; Q: What does Connor want to draw out of the church? A: Matt; Q: Who allows Elena to feed on him? A: control; Q: What does Elena lose when she tries to attack April? A: his vampire friends; Q: Who does Tyler want to protect? A: the panic; Q: What does the public shooting cause? A: the public shooting; Q: What event causes the vampires to escape? A: Caroline; Q: Who stops Elena from attacking April? A: rescue April; Q: What do Elena and Caroline go to do? A: the parking lot; Q: Where does Damon fight Connor? A: a "greater evil; Q: What does the pastor's daughter write in a note to Connor? A: a private memorial; Q: What do Elena and her friends have for everyone they have lost? Summary: The pastor's daughter, and old friend of the Gilberts, April Young, returns to town following her father's death. Meanwhile, a vampire hunter, Connor Jordon, is investigating the supernatural population of Mystic Falls under the ruse of investigating the explosion that killed the Council. Using gloves made of vervain, Connor discovers Tyler is a vampire and immediately shoots him, but Tyler escapes. Jeremy meets Connor at the Mystic Grill and notices a tattoo only he can see. Despite Stefan's best efforts, Elena is having trouble keeping animal blood down, and turns to Damon for help. Thinking she needs blood from the vein, he allows Elena to drink from him; however, she is unable to keep down Damon's blood as well. At the memorial held for the victims of the explosion, Connor kidnaps, stabs, and brings April to the second floor of the church, trying to use her blood to draw out any vampires in the church. Matt allows Elena, who is losing control, to feed on him. Since Tyler is a hybrid, he reveals himself and allows Connor to shoot him to protect his vampire friends, who escape during the panic started by the public shooting. When Elena and Caroline go to rescue April, Elena begins to lose control and tries to attack April. However, Caroline stops her, and Elena pulls it together enough to heal and compel April. Damon tries to fight Connor in the parking lot, but is overpowered. Stefan comes to his aid and Connor makes a run for it. However, Stefan is upset that Damon blood-shared with Elena and punches him. The episode ends with Connor finding a note written by the pastor about a "greater evil," and Elena and her friends having a private memorial for everyone they have lost. |
Ted (voix off): Kids, never underestimate the power of destiny. Because when you least expect it, the littlest thing can cause a ripple effect that changes your life. Take for instance my trip to Chicago.
2007. Robin and Ted are running in a airport.
Robin: That security guard was a little bit handsy.
Ted: That's funny. She barely touched me. Uh, Gate 23. Come on. If we miss this flight, I will never forgive myself.
Ted (voix off): Why was this flight so important? Let's back up a few months to the fall of 2006. I had just sold my first building design and become the youngest project manager in my firm's history. Suddenly I was being headhunted. One firm was even considering me to run their entire New York office. They were flying me in for a final interview at their corporate headquarters in Chicago. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. It was my destiny. There was just one problem.
Robin and Ted arrive at the gate.
Ted: Hi, wait, two more.
Woman: Sorry, you're too late, I already shut the doors.
Ted: Well, I'm sure if we pull real hard we can open them.
Woman: Hmm, I wish it worked like that, but see, once I close those doors, that's it. Nobody else is allowed down that jet-way. Except for that guy.
Ted: Please, if-if I miss this flight, I'll miss the chance to interview for my dream job.
Woman: I'm sorry, sir.
Robin: His dream job! Didn't you ever have a dream job? Something from when you were a little girl, that was all you wanted to do? I mean, for God's sakes, I'm sure you didn't go to bed at night dreaming about being a... I mean, uh... This is a cool job.
Ted: Please, I have to be on this flight.
Woman: I'll see what I can do. But it doesn't look good.
Ted: Thanks.
Robin: Your uniforms are pretty.
Woman: Okay. They haven't armed the doors yet, so you still have a chance. It's up to the captain now and they're calling us back.
Ted: Great, please let us know as soon as you hear anything.
Woman: Sure, and for the future, we recommend you arrive at the airport an hour and a half before your flight, not, you know, one minute after.
Ted: Normally, I'm incredibly responsible. I just had to go to court this morning and get sentenced. Not that I'm a criminal or anything.
Rubin: Yeah, he just jumped a subway turnstile.
Woman: You seem to have a lot of problems with the rules of travel. (The phone rings) Hello? Oh, that is great news. It's my mom-- she found her missing earring. Have a seat. I'll call you when I hear something. Where was it?
Ted: That thing better have call waiting.
Robin: Could you just call the firm and explain what happened?
Ted: It's down to three people and I know they need to make their decision today. I sort of feel my not showing up might put me at a disadvantage. I'm so stupid. Why did I have to jump that turnstile?
Robin: Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. And isn't this whole thing really Barney's fault?
Ted (voix off): She had a point. It was kind of Barney's fault. Let's back up a few months.
Flashback. A few months earlier Marshall, Lily, Robin and Ted are at Mclaren's.
Robin: Oh, Marshall, how's the broken toe?
Marshall: Oh, man, it kills.
Lily: You want some aspirin, baby?
Marshall: You know I don't believe in pain killers.
Ted: Wow, your first broken bone. Kind of kills your whole "Unbreakable" theory.
Lily: Marshall used to think he was indestructible.
Marshall: Well, it added up. I've never broken anything. I've never been sick, and when I need to, I can summon incredible strength. Ted, tell her the story of the really heavy door.
Ted: There was a really heavy door. He opened it.
Marshall: On one pull.
Robin: Well, you must be really bummed, you're not gonna be able to run tomorrow.
Marshall: Yeah. It sucks, all that work I put in training for the marathon was a total waste.
Barney: Training for a marathon.
Marshall: What?
Barney: You don't need to train for a marathon. You just run it.
Marshall: You're kidding, right?
Barney: Not at all. I could run a marathon anytime I wanted to.
Marshall: So like tomorrow, you think you could wake up, roll out of bed, and just run the New York City Marathon?
Barney: Absolutely.
Robin: Barney, we're talking about 42 kilometers.
Ted: Thanks, Canada. I'll take it from here. Barney, it's like 26 miles.
Barney: Here's how you run a marathon. Step one, you start running. There is no step two.
Marshall: Okay, you know what? Prove it. Take my number and run in my place. I will bet you 50 bucks you don't even finish the race.
Barney: 50 bucks? Gee, Grandpa, if I win, maybe I can buy myself an ice-cream cone. Make it $10,000.
Marshall: You have a gambling problem. You'll bet me 50.
Barney: Fine, then no bet. Okay, $50.
Ted (voix off): The next morning, as the marathon began, we were focused on Marshall's computer.
Marshall: Each runner gets a tracking chip so you can follow them online, see when they pass certain checkpoints. Barney's got mine in his shoe.
Robin: Ooh, he's starting!
Marshall: This ought to be good. Wow. (48 minutes later) He's already passing the second checkpoint.
Lily: This tracking thing is amazing. When we get married, you're getting one of these.
53 minutes later...
Robin: Wow. Look at his time. It's pretty impressive.
Marshall: He's gotta be cheating, okay. He knew we'd check.
Ted: Yeah, he'll do anything to win a bet. Remember that time he bet me that Men at Work sang "Hungry Like the Wolf," and when he found out that they didn't, he tried to hire them to?
Marshall: Well, it looks like, "Barney" should be coming over the Queensboro Bridge and up First Avenue within the next hour or so. But... there is no way that that's really him.
Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin are on the course to see if Barney's running.
Marshall: It's really him.
A runner takes lily's water.
Lily: Hey! That's mine. Yeah, you'd better run!
Back to the apartment...
Barney: What up, non-finishers?
Ted: Wow. Very impressive, Barney.
Barney: Right? Yeah, my time would have been like a half an hour better, but I met this total hottie on Mile Seven. We took a quick detour and had our own mini marathon behind a Nathan's. I won.
Lily: I'm not sure anyone in that story is a winner.
Barney: So where's my 50 bucks?
Marshall: All right. I got to admit, you earned this.
Barney: Huh? Can't believe they haven't made a coin for this yet. Anyway, I'm heading home. Might go hit the gym.
Marshall: Oh, hey, just so you know, uh, all marathon runners get to use the subway for free today.
Barney: Wow. You know I really should check out this "subway." Heard so much about it. Wow. Look at me. Slumming it. Maybe I'll make a weekend out of it and I'll call my bridge and tunnel girl tonight.
Ted: You're dating a girl from New Jersey?
Barney: No.
Barney leaves the apartment...
Ted (voix off): So Barney did it. He actually finished the marathon. But a little while later... I got an interesting phone call.
Ted: Hello?
Barney: Ted, it's Barney. Listen to me, I need you to come and pick me up on the subway.
Ted: What, what are you talking about?
Barney: I was sitting here, totally minding my own business.
Flashback. 2 hours earlier, Barney is sitting on the subway next to two girls.
Barney: Finisher. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Voice: 86th street.
Barney stands up but fell. The Subway continues.
End of flashback.
Barney: My legs don't work. I've already ridden the subway twice end to end. I've seen where it turns around. Ted, you don't ever want to see where the subway turns around.
Ted: (to Marshall) Barney's legs won't work. He's riding the subway from end to end because he physically can't get off the train.
Marshall: Best 50 bucks I ever spent.
Barney: Listen to me, Ted. I'm going to lose you any second. I'm on the fourth car of the six train heading south from Pelham Bay Park in the Bronx. Meet me at the 86th Street station in, like, half an hour?
Ted: All right. I'll be right there. Stay where you are.
Barney: Ted, Ted.
A pregnant woman, on ald lady and a boy in crutches wait for Barney to give up his place.
Woman: Oh, come on. You're not even going to give up your seat for him?
Barney: I'm sorry. I can't.
Old lady: Douche.
25 minutes later, Ted arrives at the station.
Ted: Barney?!
Barney: Ted!
Ted jumpes a subway turnstile A policeman catches him.
Policeman: Hey!
Barney: No...!
End of flashbacks. Back to the airport with Robin and Ted.
Robin: See? If Barney never tried to run the marathon, you never would have jumped that turnstile, you wouldn't have had that court date today, and we would have made this flight.
Ted: You're right. Everything can be traced back to him. Like that rash we all got at Christmas. I have to see what's going on.
Woman: So I was able to get you two seats.
Ted: Really? That's great!
Woman: No, no, not you. I'm talking to my mom about Blue Man Group. Ma, can I call you back?
Ted: Okay, what about our flight? Can we get on?
Woman: I'm still waiting for... Huh. Looks like your flight left already.
Ted: What? No, n-n-n-no, n-no. I have to be in Chicago today.
Robin: Well, he never even called you back?
Woman: Well, it's typical pilot.They don't call you back at work and they don't call you back after you spend two nights with them at a Radisson in Orlando.
Ted (voix off): It turned out there was one other flight that would just barely get me to Chicago on time for my job interview, but it was all the way on the other side of the airport.
Robin: What was the name of the airline again?
Ted: I think it was something like Flights R' Us.
Robin: Was the "R" backwards?
Ted: God, I hope not.
Robin: Geez.
Ted: Stupid smart carts. More like dumb carts.
Robin: If we miss this flight, it's all Barney's fault.
Ted: You know, Barney never would have run the marathon in the first place if Marshall hadn't broken his toe.
Robin: Yeah, so? What, you think this is my fault?
Ted (voix off): For Marshall, the initial idea to run the marathon came way back in April.
[SCENE_BREAK]
April 2006. Marshall and Lily are in the bathroom.
Marshall: My pants are starting to feel a little tight.
Lily: Oh, that's okay. I love that cute little belly.
Marshall: I cannot allow this.
Lily: What?
Marshall: I am going to run the New York City Marathon.
Marshall starts training for the marathon.
Lily: "It is important to load up on carbohydrates two to four hours before a big run. Try a breakfast of a bagel, a banana, oatmeal, strawberries and some orange juice." Here you go, Marshmallow. Just like the book said.
Marshall: Yeah, but from now on, I'm eating all of my breakfast runner-style. Liquids are digested faster. That way, no energy is wasted, and it's all about the run.
Lily: "Don't forget to give yourself plenty of positive reinforcement."
Marshall: This is gonna be your best run yet. You're going to accomplish all of your goals. You are a robot sent from the future to win the marathon! You are... Marshall. You are... Marshall. You are Marshall! Yeah!
Lily: "Chafing or blisters can occur in a number of areas, including the feet, armpits, or even the nipples. Try using some petroleum jelly on the affected areas."
Marshall comes into the apartment scratching himself and goes to the bathroom.
Marshall: Oh, gosh! Dude, you are a terrific runner. Tomorrow you're gonna run and finish the New York City Marathon! You're the best. You look good. Nobody does it better than you.
Robin comes in the bathroom behind Marshall.
Robin: Marshall? Oh, my God!
End of flashback. Back to the airport...
Ted: So, yes, it was your fault. I mean, if you don't show up at the apartment in the middle of the day, Marshall doesn't break his toe, Barney doesn't run in his place, I don't jump the turnstile and get a court date, and we make our flight in plenty of time! (Ted fells) And I don't fall down and bite my tongue at the airport.
Robin: That really wasn't my fault. I wouldn't have walked in on
Marshall if it weren't for Lily. Hey, think about it.
Flasback. Ted and Robin eat while walking on the street.
Robin: Hey, what's going on here?
Ted: Oh, looks like they're camping out for something.
Robin: Yeah, but for what?
Ted: I don't know. Usually there's a Stormtrooper or Klingon in line to give you some indication. "Annual wedding dress blowout. Designer sample dresses up to 90% off. Doors open tomorrow, 8:00 a.m."
Robin: Oh, my God. Can you believe what some nut bags will do to save a few bucks?
Barney, Ted, Lily and Robin are at Mclaren's.
Lily: We have to camp out.
Robin: Are you serious?
Lily: You don't understand. This is an amazing sale. I've heard about it before, but I never knew where it was. We'll have a wedding dress campout. It'll be fun.
Barney: I can't go. I've got this thing.
Lily: What thing?
Barney: A pen1s.
Lily and Robin arrive at the wedding dress shop.
Robin: This is the place.
Lily: Oh, wow. Badgley Mischka! Melissa Sweet! Vera Wang! Oh, Robin, do you have any idea what you guys stumbled onto here?
Robin: You said wang.
Lily: Oh, this reminds me of the ticket line to Lilith Fair, 1998. Only fewer mullets.
Robin: You should feel good. You're only, like, the tenth craziest bride in New York.
Lily: Ooh, this is comfy. We might actually be able to sleep.
On alarm starts beeping.
Robin: That's kind of annoying.
Lily: Well, I'm sure somebody will be out here to turn it off any minute. (5 hours later) I don't think I can take this. Every time it turns off, I think, oh, maybe it won't turn on again, but then it does. Why does it, Robin? Why does it keep turning on?
Robin: It's gonna be okay, sweetie. Why... Why don't we make a game out of it, okay? Why don't we sing along?
3 hours later, the alarm didnt' turned off.
Lily: If we get through this, I swear I'm gonna live my life differently.
Robin: I just want to tell my parents I love them one more time.
A man comes and shut down the alarm.
Man: Morning, ladies.
Lily: It's him. It's the car guy!
Robin: Get out of here!
All women throw things at him.
Ted (voix off): The next morning, Robin was too tired to go all the way back to Brooklyn, so while I was at work, she went to crash at my apartment for a couple hours, and that's when...
Marshall: Nobody does it better than you.
Robin: Marshall?! Oh, my God! (Marshall falls)
End of flashback. At the airport.
Robin: So if Lily hadn't dragged me down to the wedding dress store, we would have made the first flight.
Ted: Oh, thank God. The doors are still open. We made it. Hi. Please. We really need to get on this flight.
Man: Oh, my God! You're that reporter from Metro News 1.
Robin: Yes, yes, I am. I can't believe you recognized me.
Man: You did that story on the giant pizzas?
Ted: Would you check to see if you have any more seats?
Man: One moment, sir. Were those pizzas real? Come on, were they?
Ted: Robin...
Robin: One second, Ted. Um, you know, a lot of people ask me that. The truth is,
the pizzas were real. - Calzones. Trick photography.
Man: I knew it!
Robin: God, it is so nice to meet a fan! And I would be a fan of your work if you could get us two seats on that next flight.
Man: Well, the, uh, flight attendants are just finishing up their final seat count. Let me see what I can find out.
Ted: Would it help if I got on and gave an impassioned speech about my destiny?
Man: I think it might hurt. This is such a nightmare.
Robin: Okay, so we agree? This goes back to Lily wanting to camp out for a wedding dress?
Ted: No. Wait. It goes back further. Remember why we were eating hot dogs on the East Side?
Flashback. Ted is in the subway.
Ted: 1939?! This penny's from 1939! (at the bar with Robin) A 67-year-old penny. Do you realize this penny was minted during World War II?
Robin: Oh, so was my grandfather, but that doesn't make him interesting.
Ted: Look, I know a little something about coins, and this baby is worth something to a collector.
Robin: No, it's not.
Ted: Yes, it is! You know what? I'm gonna take you out to dinner with the money I get for this little guy.
Ted( voix off): And that's exactly what I did.
They're on the street.
Robin: You're lucky there's still a place that serves anything for a dollar fifty.
Ted: Hey, that's 150 times its original value. Actually, the meal was only $1.49. 1984.
Robin: Hey, in 50 years, we can get dinner again.
Ted: How dare you.
Robin: Hey, what's going on?
Ted: I don't know. Looks like they're camping out for something.
Robin: Yeah, but for what?
End of flashback. Back to the airport.
Ted: It was me. I started this. If I hadn't picked up that penny, we wouldn't have gone to get hot dogs all the way across town.
Robin: And we wouldn't have seen that wedding dress store, Lily wouldn't have wanted to camp out there, and I wouldn't have needed a nap at your apartment the next day.
Ted: Marshall wouldn't have broken his toe. Barney wouldn't have run the marathon. I wouldn't have jumped that turnstile, gotten arrested, had that court date...
Robin: And we would have made our flight. I don't think we can go back any further than that unless you know who dropped the penny.
Ted: I wish I did. Though that person's already been punished enough, losing a sweet penny like that.
Man: Uh, sir?
Ted: Oh, please tell me you have some good news.
Man: Uh, I'm afraid not. There are no extra seats on the plane. I'm sorry.
Robin: All, right, well, thanks for trying.
Ted: I can't believe this. That's it, it's over.
Robin: Ted, come on. Your destiny just wasn't to make it to Chicago today. Anyway, if that firm really wants you, they'll reschedule.
Ted (voix off): But that's not what happened. They didn't reschedule. They hired someone else. And as it turned out, three months later, that guy ended up having to relocate to Chicago. Kids, funny thing about destiny, I thought I was destined to get that job. But I was wrong. My destiny was to stay in New York. Because if I hadn't, I never would have met your mother.
Barney is still in the subway and three guys steal his medal. | Plan: A: Ted; Q: Who picks up a penny? A: a "lucky" penny; Q: What does Ted pick up that causes a maelstrom of bad luck? Summary: When Ted picks up a "lucky" penny, a maelstrom of bad luck ensues, but picking up the penny may be the best thing that Ted has ever done. |
THE HAND OF FEAR
BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN
Part Four
Running time: 25:00
[SCENE_BREAK]
ELDRAD: The traitors. I should have expected.
DOCTOR: Eldrad, what was in this tube?
ELDRAD: An acid designed to neutralise the molecular bond. It is now only a matter of time.
DOCTOR: Is there an antidote?
ELDRAD: Oh no, Doctor. I developed the acid. There is no antidote.
DOCTOR: But there must be something?
ELDRAD: Regenerator chamber, level three zero six. But you must get me there quickly before it shatters the crystal matrix. Quick, quick.
SARAH: Wait, I'm coming.
[SCENE_BREAK]
COMPUTER: Intruders penetrating level fifty and descending. Intruders penetrating level one hundred and fifty and descending.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Level three oh six.
SARAH: How can you tell?
DOCTOR: Worked it out from the indicator. It's all based on roots of three.
SARAH: I hope that regenerator isn't far.
DOCTOR: Which way, Eldrad?
ELDRAD: That way.
DOCTOR: Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
COMPUTER: Intruders on level three zero six identified as two aliens, one Kastrian.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Sarah!
ELDRAD: She is unharmed, Doctor. These traps are only effective against silicon-based lifeform.
DOCTOR: Come on, Sarah. Stop making a fuss, Sarah. You're from South Croydon.
SARAH: Eh?
DOCTOR: You're a carbon-based lifeform. The gas is only effective against silicon structures.
SARAH: Oh.
DOCTOR: Come on.
SARAH: Hang on. The least you could do is wait for me. I nearly frightened myself to death back there.
DOCTOR: Yes, I know. It's that way.
SARAH: How can you tell?
DOCTOR: I have a superb sense of direction.
SARAH: What?
DOCTOR: I said, I have a superb sense of direction.
DOCTOR: You fit for another stint?
SARAH: Oh, I'm as fit as I'll ever be. Give us a hand. Oh, she's heavier than she looks. Oh, I hope some of them are still alive.
DOCTOR: I'm not sure.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: Hey, look. No signs of life.
DOCTOR: Perhaps the aliens wiped them out.
SARAH: I wonder how long it's been like this?
DOCTOR: Could be millions of years.
ELDRAD: Doctor, please!
DOCTOR: Are you all right?
SARAH: Yes. If they're dead, you'd think we'd have seen some bodies by now.
DOCTOR: We have.
SARAH: Eh?
DOCTOR: Well, if you're made of stone, you crumble to sand. We're walking on them.
SARAH: Ew.
[SCENE_BREAK]
COMPUTER: Intruders proceeding along level three zero six towards regenerator sector. Awaiting orders to activate automatic defence procedures.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: It can't be far now.
SARAH: Doctor, I've got a feeling we're being watched.
DOCTOR: It's your imagination. Nothing's been disturbed down here for thousands of years.
SARAH: Someone set those boobytraps.
DOCTOR: Oh, it was long ago. Come on.
SARAH: Hey, wait a minute.
DOCTOR: What is it now?
SARAH: Who were they set for?
DOCTOR: Presumably the aliens Eldrad told us about. The people who invaded the planet.
SARAH: That means that they're silicon-based lifeforms too.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, and they're very rare. And it's something of a coincidence that there are two of them in the same galaxy.
SARAH: Yes. Yes!
[SCENE_BREAK]
COMPUTER: Awaiting orders to activate automatic defence procedures.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: Ah! Doctor!
DOCTOR: It's an abyss.
SARAH: It's a long way down, too.
DOCTOR: Come on.
SARAH: Hey, we don't have to get across that.
DOCTOR: Is there any other way, Eldrad?
ELDRAD: No.
[SCENE_BREAK]
COMPUTER: Alien intruders have faltered. Awaiting orders.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: It's not safe.
DOCTOR: It's only got to last until we get across.
SARAH: And what if it only lasts till we get halfway across?
DOCTOR: You've got no faith, have you. Come on, Eldrad.
DOCTOR: It's perfectly all right as long as you don't look down.
DOCTOR: You coming?
[SCENE_BREAK]
COMPUTER: Alien intruders and unidentified Kastrian have reached regeneration chamber. Should they try to enter, they will be eliminated.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: I never met a door that couldn't be opened somehow.
SARAH: Hey, look, Doctor. Eldrad, I think she's found it. Look.
DOCTOR: No!
SARAH: What's the matter?
DOCTOR: Get back.
DOCTOR: Now stand back.
SARAH: You've done it.
DOCTOR: Get back. Get back!
DOCTOR: You all right?
SARAH: Determined lot.
[SCENE_BREAK]
COMPUTER: Intruders have entered the regeneration chamber. Positive identification of Kastrian essential. Obliteration will proceed on positive identification.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: I understand it now. The crystal in the ring carries Eldrad's genetic code. A master print that enables her to reconstitute herself from any suitable radioactive material.
SARAH: The question is, are we in time?
DOCTOR: The question is, can I make this regenerator work?
SARAH: Oh, Doctor, hurry!
DOCTOR: I can't go any faster. I'm guessing as it is. We'll just have to use maximum irradiation and hope.
[SCENE_BREAK]
COMPUTER: Eldrad, genocide, anarch, sentenced to obliteration. Malfunction, malfunction. Power proving insufficient for obliteration. Regeneration will occur.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: No, stop! It'll crush her!
SARAH: Oh, it's horrid. It's so horrible. It was supposed to remake her. It's destroyed her.
SARAH: We killed her.
DOCTOR: Yes, Sarah. We've been used. They were determined to get Eldrad one way or another.
SARAH: Oh, I'm so confused. Oh, what do we do now?
DOCTOR: We leave.
ELDRAD: (male voice) At last! Doctor? Sarah? It is I, Eldrad.
DOCTOR: Eldrad?
ELDRAD: Of course, you don't recognise me.
DOCTOR: How do we know you're Eldrad?
ELDRAD: Oh come, Doctor, you sound like Professor Watson. As a Time Lord you should be well acquainted with the processes of regeneration. I've attained my true form at last.
SARAH: Why is she a he?
ELDRAD: I had to assume a form that would be will be acceptable to the primitives of your planet.
DOCTOR: Ah. And so you modelled yourself on the first primitive you came in contact. He modelled himself on you.
SARAH: Oh, thanks.
DOCTOR: Sarah thought you'd been obliterated.
ELDRAD: They are fools. I gave them this. I designed it, programmed it to recognise my cell pattern, and they thought they could use it to destroy me. Bwahhahaha. It is incapable of destroying me, no matter what you or they or anyone else might do. I controlled it. And now I shall control all Kastria, my creation!
DOCTOR: What about your enemies?
ELDRAD: I shall brush them aside, weak and miserable creatures. What can they do in their decrepitude against the might of Eldrad!
ROKON (OOV.): Eldrad.
ELDRAD: Rokon!
ROKON (on screen): Traitor. You think you have victory within your grasp, but I, Rokon, tell you you have won nothing but defeat.
ELDRAD: So, Rokon, you still live.
DOCTOR: Who is Rokon?
ELDRAD: The so-called King of Kastria. It was he who ordered my obliteration. Me, Eldrad, architect of the barriers! They thought they could destroy me, so I destroyed the barriers.
DOCTOR: You destroyed the barriers?
ELDRAD: Yes.
DOCTOR: So all that business of alien invaders was a lie?
ELDRAD: A necessary lie. A means to an end.
DOCTOR: Why should Rokon want to destroy you in the first place?
ELDRAD: Because he knew I would take his place. I was young and strong, he was weak and old. He wasn't fit to rule Kastria. And he had no appetite for conquest.
DOCTOR: Ah. But you do.
ELDRAD: Yes. I wanted Kastrians to be masters of the galaxy. And now, with me at their head, nothing shall stop us! Every planet within range of our starships shall fall to the power of Eldrad. And now, Doctor, I have an audience with my king. King? Bwahahaha!
SARAH: We've been taken for a ride.
DOCTOR: Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ELDRAD: Rokon. Rokon? You scorn me?
ELDRAD: Your successor?
ELDRAD: What is this? You traitor, you've cheated me of my revenge!
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: But we saw him. He spoke.
DOCTOR: A recording from the past. The King obviously knew there was a chance that Eldrad would return.
ELDRAD (OOV.): He robs me of my destiny.
SARAH: The boobytraps?
DOCTOR: Yes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ELDRAD: Nevertheless, I am still King. Nothing can stop me. My ambition is invincible.
DOCTOR: Where are your subjects, Majesty?
ELDRAD: Subjects? Stored in the race bank. There's a whole new race of Kastrians, Doctor. A hundred million crystal particles waiting to be placed in the regenerator. And they shall have me as their ruler! They will rebuild the barriers. They will restore the cities. They will replenish the exhausted lands. We will build a new Kastria, and together we shall go forth and conquer the universe!
SARAH: Let's
DOCTOR: Shush.
ELDRAD: Nothing! What stupidity is this? Nothing!
ROKON (on screen): Eldrad! After the premature detonation of the module we knew there was a remote possibility that one day you would return.
ELDRAD: Yes, I'm here.
ROKON (on screen): But let me tell you. After you destroyed the barriers, after we knew for certain that life on the surface was finished, and the alternative was a miserable subterranean existence, the Kastrian race chose final oblivion. And, because they feared you might return to wage eternal war throughout the galaxy, they elected also to destroy the race banks.
ELDRAD: Traitor! I gave them life!
ROKON (on screen): So now you are King, as was your wish. I salute you from the dead. Hail, Eldrad, King of nothing.
ELDRAD: Is this my reward? I created this world. It is mine! Mine by right!
DOCTOR: Well, Rokon seems to have solved the problem for us. A drastic solution.
SARAH: I wouldn't want to live down here, and I wouldn't want him as a leader.
ELDRAD: Yes, I shall be King. The Earth people. Very backward and primitive, but they have the necessary aggression. I shall rule them! I shall be their god! And you will take me back!
DOCTOR: Oh, no. That's not in the contract. A one-way ticket only. My obligation to you is over. You're in your own world now.
ELDRAD: You have my ring. Give it to me.
DOCTOR: No, I don't think so.
ELDRAD: It is my key to eternity. Give me the ring!
DOCTOR: Oh well, since you've put it so nicely.
SARAH: Don't.
DOCTOR: Here. Catch.
DOCTOR: Come on, Sarah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Down there. Get down there.
SARAH: Why?
DOCTOR: Hold this.
SARAH: What?
ELDRAD: There is no escape.
SARAH: What do I do?
DOCTOR: When I say pull, you pull.
ELDRAD: You will take me back!
DOCTOR: Pull!
DOCTOR: Well, the gravity of the law finally caught up with him.
SARAH: Yeah, that's all very well, but that was a bit rash, giving him his ring back.
DOCTOR: Yes.
SARAH: Oh. Well, what did you give him back, then?
DOCTOR: My magician's stick.
SARAH: Oh.
DOCTOR: Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: I'll never be warm again. Never, ever, ever.
DOCTOR: No, we're well out of that. Goodbye, Kastria.
SARAH: Do you think that Eldrad, well, do you think that he really is dead?
DOCTOR: Oh, I doubt it. Very difficult to kill.
SARAH: Well, I quite liked her, but I couldn't stand him.
DOCTOR: Whoa, easy, old girl, easy. These temperatures must have affected the thermo-couplings.
SARAH: Yes, I know how she feels. I think Kastria must be the coldest planet in the galaxy.
DOCTOR: Oh, rubbish. I've been to much colder places.
SARAH: Oh, big deal. It's all right for you. I'm human. We're not so thick-skinned.
DOCTOR: Where's that astro-rectifier? What did you say?
SARAH: Thick-skinned.
DOCTOR: Oh, good, good.
SARAH: Here.
DOCTOR: Multi-quantiscope.
SARAH: You know, I might as well be talking to the moon. You don't even listen to me.
DOCTOR: Mergin nut.
SARAH: What?
DOCTOR: No, no, forget the mergin nut. I'll have the ganymede driver.
SARAH: There.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
SARAH: Oh, I must be mad. I'm sick of being cold and wet, and hypnotised left right and centre. I'm sick of being shot at, savaged by bug-eyed monsters, never knowing if I'm coming or going or been.
DOCTOR: Zeus plug.
SARAH: Oh, I want a bath. I want my hair washed. I just want to feel human again.
DOCTOR: Forget the zeus plug. I'll have the sonic screwdriver.
SARAH: Oh, and boy am I sick of that sonic screwdriver! I'm going to pack my goodies and I'm going home. I said, I'm going to pack my goodies and I am going home! Right! Excuse me!
DOCTOR: What was that you? I don't know why she goes on like this. There's really nothing the matter at all.
DOCTOR: The call. The call from Gallifrey. Gallifrey. After all this time, Gallifrey. I can't take Sarah to Gallifrey. Must get her back home. Must reset the coordinates. South Croydon.
SARAH: Ahem!
DOCTOR: You're a good girl, Sarah.
SARAH: Oh, look, it's too late apologising now. Everything's packed. I've got to go.
DOCTOR: What? How did you know?
SARAH: What?
DOCTOR: I've had the call from Gallifrey.
SARAH: So?
DOCTOR: So I can't take you with me. You've got to go.
SARAH: Oh, come on. I can't miss Gallifrey. Look, I was only joking. I didn't mean it. Hey. Hey, you're not going to regenerate again, are you?
DOCTOR: Not this time. I don't know what's going to happen.
SARAH: You're playing one of your jokes on me, just trying to make me stay.
DOCTOR: No. I've received the call, and as a Time Lord I must obey.
SARAH: Alone?
DOCTOR: Yes.
SARAH: And I'll give your love to Harry and the Brigadier. Oh, and I can tell Professor Watson that you're all right.
DOCTOR: We've landed, Sarah.
SARAH: What?
DOCTOR: We've landed.
SARAH: Where?
DOCTOR: South Croydon. Hillview Road, to be exact.
SARAH: That's my home. Well, I'll be off then. Here.
DOCTOR: Thanks.
SARAH: Don't forget me.
DOCTOR: Oh, Sarah. Don't you forget me.
SARAH: Bye, Doctor. You know, travel does broaden the mind.
DOCTOR: Yes. Till we meet again, Sarah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: This isn't Hillview Road. I bet it isn't even South Croydon. Oh. He blew it.
SARAH: Hey, hey. You. He blew it. | Plan: A: the regeneration chamber; Q: Where does Eldrad need to go to be regenerated? A: Rokon; Q: Who has left traps in their path? A: traps; Q: What does Rokon leave in the path of the Doctor and Sarah? Summary: The Doctor and Sarah attempt to get Eldrad to the regeneration chamber but Rokon has left traps in their path. |
Produced by: Robert Carlock & Wendy Knoller Final check by Kim
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler enter, the others are sitting on the couch.]
Monica: Hey guys!
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: We need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: Yeah. We don't feel like we can host Thanksgiving this year.
All: What?
Phoebe: Hey!
Ross: Are you kidding?
Chandler: Well, it's just with uhm, work and the stress of adoption, we just don't feel like we have the energy. Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
Ross: (skeptical) That doesn't sound like you... That's Monica talking!
Chandler: No, no! We made this decision together.
Ross: She's putting words in your mouth!
Joey: Don't you put words in people's mouths, you put turkey in people's mouths!
Rachel: I can't believe this! This is Emma's first Thanksgiving!
Monica: No, it's not!
Rachel: It's not? (whispering to Ross) When was she born?
Phoebe: Well, personally I think it's great you're giving yourself a break.
Monica: Thank you, Pheebs!
Phoebe: Sure. It's just as well... I mean, last year wasn't very good. I think she's losing her touch.
Monica: What? You are way off, lady!
Phoebe: Am I? Really? Am I? Well, why don't you cook Thanksgiving dinner and prove me wrong! Well, think about it, think about it, you'll be trying to top than you did last year. You'd be in competition... with yourself.
Monica: That's my favourite kind! Okay, we are doing this!
Chandler: Don't let yourself get manipulated this way!
Monica: Hey, stay out of this, Chandler! This is between me... and ME!
Chandler: We are supposed to make these decisions together! Did you not watch the Doctor Phil I taped for you?
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in there, and Phoebe enters]
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: Hi! Happy Thanksgiving!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, happy needless-turkey-murder day.
Monica: You guys, I ordered some chocolate pies from that bakery on Bleecker. Could you pick them up for me?
Phoebe: You're not making the pies yourself?
Monica: No, no, no, I don't make chocolate pies. When I was younger I-I enter in this pie-eating contest. I ate so many that just the thought of them made me sick.
Rachel: Did you at least win the contest?
Monica: 2 minutes, 12 pies and a part of one tin! Okay, I see you guys at 4.
Rachel: Can't wait!
Monica: This dinner is gonna be so great! In your face, last year "me"!
(Monica leaves)
Phoebe: Hey Rach.
Rachel: Yeah.
Phoebe: What's Emma doing today?
Rachel: Well, let's see... uh... I know that she has a meeting with her lawyer and then she has to make a very big poop. Why?
Phoebe: Well, I wanna enter her in a baby beauty pageant.
Rachel: Oh my God! That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard!
Phoebe: Okay, but, well, before you say no, my friend Susanne is entering her kid and compared to Emma she's a real dog!
Rachel: Oh! Phoebe, all babies are beautiful!
Phoebe: (sarcastic) Oh... okay.
Rachel: Phoebe, just the idea of pitting one baby against another, I mean, you know, and judging who's cuter just for a trophy...
Rachel: And a thousand dollars.
Rachel: ...is something I'm very interested in! Oh please, do not tell Ross. He still believes that (in a deep voice, mocking Ross) what's in the inside is important...
Phoebe: Okay, oh, and Emma needs a cowgirl outfit for the competition.
Rachel: Where am I gonna get a cowgirl outfit on Thanksgiving?
Phoebe: Well, I was thinking...
Rachel: Oh, take the clothes of Joey's Cabbage Patch Kid.
Phoebe: Yeah!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is watching TV and Monica is cooking]
Monica: (Chandler's laughing) Did someone drop the baton again?
Chandler: Why come all the way from Kansas to do that?
Monica: (she tastes what she has cooked) I don't get older. I just get better!
Chandler: You know what just occurred to me? This could be our last Thanksgiving just the two of us. I mean, we could be getting a baby soon!
Monica: You don't know that.
Chandler: Somebody is gonna pick us.
Monica: Yeah, but we haven't heard a thing from the adoption agency and it has been weeks!
Chandler: I'm telling ya! It's gonna happen. Next year it's gonna be you, me and the little Hemingway Bing. (pause) What, he's my favourite author!
Monica: Name one of his books.
Chandler: (after a long pause) "The Firm"?
Monica: Ok, let's see... uhm, okay, the turkey is in the oven, the stuffing is ready...
Chandler: You know, you always cook this meal all by yourself. Let me help this year.
Monica: Oh, Chandler, that's sweet. But you don't have to do everything Doctor Phil tells you to do.
Chandler: I'm serious, let me do something, just not the turkey or the stuffing, nothing "high profile".
Monica: Ok, let's see... Oh, the cranberry sauce, it is easy to make and no-one really cares about it.
Chandler: Tell me more.
Monica: Okay, I'm gonna go check on something across the hall. You start by washing these (she gives Chandler a bowl with cranberries. Then, while she's going outside, she sees him with a bottle of soap in his hands) Not with soap!! (she leaves)
Chandler: You obviously haven't tasted my Palmolive potatoes!
(Ross and Joey enter)
Ross: Hey! Hey, guess what Joey has!
Joey: Three tickets to today's Rangers game!!
Ross: Dude, I wanted him to guess.
Joey: Oh.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Joey: Yeah, they're great seats too!
Ross: Guess where they are?
Joey: Center ice.
Ross: Did I do something to you?
Chandler: Hmm, the game's at one.
Ross: So?
Chandler: Dinner is at four, we'll never gonna make it back.
Joey: So we'll leave before it's over, we'll be back in time.
Chandler: You say that now, but it could take us a long time to get back home. Plus Joey could get lost and and they could have to page us to go pick him up.
Joey: Dude, two times that happened!
Chandler: Look, Monica has been working hard all day, she didn't wanna host this thing in the first place, we shouldn't go!
Ross: He's right, man.
Joey: Right, I guess. Alright, so see you at four.
Chandler: Okay. (pause) And get ready to taste my very special cranberries. Or should I say... chanberries!
Joey: That's some gentle comedy, dude. (he and Ross leave)
Ross: We're still going at the game, right?
Joey: Yeah!
Ross: Yeah.
[Scene: Baby beauty contest]
Host: This is contestant number sixteen, Rebecca...
Phoebe: Hey.
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, listen. Well, I think we gotta go. This place is really freaking me out. I've been watching this guy over there, I don't think he came with a kid!
Phoebe: We can't leave now! There was this one baby, Haley, who was favourite to win and she got croup, so she had to stay home! This competition just blew wide open, folks!
Rachel: Phoebe, I think... It's just too weird, I just saw a one year old running around with pantyhose on!
Phoebe: Oh, I know, we should have been more prepared. (she looks around) It's okay. Now, the way I see it, our real competition now is Cameron. Oh my God, they just took her sweater off. Look at those arms! Hello Michelin Man.
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe! Come on! You know what, it's already three o'clock and they haven't even gotten to Emma's group yet. We gotta go, we got dinner!
Phoebe: (panicking) But Emma's got what it takes, she could go all the way!
Rachel: Phoebe, you have to calm down.
Phoebe: Okay. Rachel, the hottest babies in the Tri-State Area are in this room right now! I overheard one of the judges say that not one of them holds a candle to Emma!
Rachel: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah!
Rachel: You heard them say that?
Phoebe: Yeah!
Rachel: All right, okay. Alright, let's give to these babies something to cry about!
Phoebe: Good! Oh yay! Let's get down to business! Emma needs some makeup!
Rachel: No, what?
Phoebe: Well, she's gonna look all washed out next to the other contestants!
Rachel: No Phoebe, I am not letting you put makeup on my baby!
Phoebe: Why not!
Rachel: Because I already did!
[Scene: Madison Square Garden]
(there's a lot of shouting and yelling)
Joey: Oh, Bob, get off the guy!
Ross: Oh! What a game, huh?
Joey: I know, yeah.
Ross: I can't believe Chandler is missing this!
Joey: Yeah. I am sorry he's not here too, but I got to say, (takes some nachos from a plate on the seat where Chandler should have been) I am really enjoying Nacho Chair.
Ross: Yeah, I'd probably enjoy it more if you didn't keep batting my hand away.
Joey: Ohhhh! These seats are great!
Ross: I know, I know! When I was here for Holidays on Ice (Joey looks around worried hoping no one heard that) I was sitting so far away Michelle Kwan couldn't read my banner!
Joey: (looks at the time) Wow, hey, we'd better get going. If we don't leave right now, we'll be late for dinner.
Ross: Oh, but it's a kind game! So we're a little late, you know, the girls will be there, let's stay just for one more goal.
Joey: I don't know...
Ross: One more fight!
Joey: Okay.
Ross: Okay.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.]
Monica: Where is everybody? They're forty-five minutes late!
Chandler: I can't believe they are not here! I slave and I slave for what? They've ruined cranberry day!
[Scene: The corridor. Ross and Joey have just arrived.]
Joey: How late are we?
Ross: Forty-five minutes.
Joey: Wow (He opens his apartment door and throws their stuff in.)
Ross: (handing him his coat) Here!
Joey: Okay. Rachel and Phoebe are already there, okay? So they probably started without us. We could just slip in and no-one needs to know where we were! (he raises his hands and on his right one there's a Rangers foam finger)
Ross: You may want to lose the foam finger!
Joey: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You just want to put it on your hand!
(Rachel, Phoebe and Emma arrive)
Ross: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh!
Joey: You are not at Thanksgiving?
Rachel: No...
Phoebe: No, we're late!
Rachel: What are you doing here!
Ross: We're late too! (Rachel screams)
Joey: We figured we could be late because you guys were gonna be on time (he points the foam finger at the girls)
Phoebe: Don't point that thing at me, Tribbiani!
Ross: So, nobody's here? Monica's gonna kill us!
Joey: Yeah, where were you!
Ross: Yeah, yeah, what's with the trophy!
Phoebe: Uh, we were at the Spelling Bee!
Rachel: And I won!
Ross: You won an adult Thanksgiving day spelling bee.
Rachel: Yes! (spells it) Y-E-S. Yes!
Ross: Let me see this... (he takes the trophy from Rachel's hands) Grand Supreme Little Darling, New York Division.
Rachel: Yeah. That's me!
Ross: You entered Emma into a Beauty Pageant?
Phoebe: And it looks like she put makeup on her!
Joey: Wait a second, wait a second, where have I seen that cowgirl outfit before...
Ross: I can't believe this, she's our daughter! That you would treat her like some kind of showdog is inexcusable!
Rachel: She won a thousand dollars!
Ross: So this is an annual thing?
Joey: (realizing) Oh! That's Alicia Mae Emory's outfit!
Phoebe: You guys, there are people in there who are not getting any happier!
Ross: Yeah. What are we gonna do?
Rachel: Well, I don't know, you guys figure it out, I got to put Emma down for a nap.
Joey: All right. Hey Rach, while you're in there, throw something on Alicia Mae.
Phoebe: Alright, what are we gonna say?
Ross: Ooh, we'll say that we were mugged! You can't get mad at someone who's been mugged!
Phoebe: Oh, good, that's good, but you don't look like you were mugged!
Joey: No. Here (he tears off the pocket from Ross' shirt, and tears off everything below that as well.)
Ross: (to Joey) HEY!
[Scene: Monica's apartment.]
Monica: Do you hear something? (Chandlers stands up and goes to the door to look out from the peephole)
Chandler: (peeping) They're out there!
Monica: Ohhh! Let me see! Oh God, I can't believe this! They're an hour late and they're just staying out there, talking!
Chandler: (peeping) Everything is so distorted! Looks like Joey has a giant hand! Which says "Rangers" on it. They went to the game!
Monica: (gasps) Oooh! They are in for a world of pain!
Chandler: (looking through the peephole again) Ross' shirt is torn.
Monica: Oh! They're late and they're sloppy!
[Cut to the hall]
(Rachel comes out of her apartment}
Rachel: Alright, Emma is napping... (then to Ross) what happened to your shirt?
Ross: I got mugged. And they stole my pocket.
Phoebe: We're just... we're trying to figure out an excuse. Hey! Ooh! How about this: We can say that Monica told us 5 o'clock, not 4 o'clock. That way we're right on time! (Others start to agree but she continues) OR... or, we can plant PCP in the apartment and call the cops on her.
Ross: (sarcastic) That would be a good way to get rid of all the PCP we have lying around.
Rachel: You know what, we just say that she said it was 5 o'clock. We'll just act casual. We're not late, we're right on time. (When she finishes talking, a note is pushed from under Monica's and Chandler's door, into the hall. Ross picks it up and reads it out loud)
Ross: (Reading the note) We know you're out there. (Rachel gasps)
Joey: (whispering) Who do you think its from?
[time lapse - they are still in the hall]
Rachel: Oh, God. This is bad. This is so bad.
Ross: Well, let's just go in there and face them.
Phoebe: Well, I'm not going in first. I bet that vein on Monica's forehead is popping like crazy.
Joey: I hate that thing, it's like a... bolt of lightning.
Rachel: Oh, hey, I have an idea. Why don't we play rock-paper-scissors, and whoever loses goes in first. (they all agree) Ready? (they do the rock-paper-scissor thing with they hands and Rachel has paper, Phoebe and Ross both have rock, while Joey is doing a strange upward wiggling with his fingers. They all look a him confused).
Joey: (smiling from ear to ear) Ah-haah! I win!!
Ross: What is that?
Joey: That's fire. Beats everything.
Phoebe: Oh, really? Does it beat water balloon? (She places her hand over his "fire" and mimics a bursting water balloon, thus putting the fire out).
Joey: Ooh! Well played, Phoebe Buffay, well played.
Rachel: Alright, enough, enough, come on. Let's just all go in at the same time.
All: Alright, okay. (Phoebe reaches for the door, and tries to open it but it's locked)
Phoebe: It's locked.
Ross: Wha...? Oh sure, now they lock it, but when they're having s*x on the couch, its like: "Come on in, my butt is surprisingly hairy".
Rachel: Alright, come on... (starts to knock on the door) Alright, you guys. We're so sorry we're late. Please let us in, so we can have dinner together.
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Monica: No! Everything's cold. The turkey's dried out and the... the stuffing is all soggy.
Chandler: Yeah, and there's a bowl of cranberry sauce that... (speaking lower to Monica) what happens to cranberry sauce?
Monica: (Rolling her eyes) Nothing. It's fine.
Chandler: (relieved) Oh thank God!
[cut to the hall]
Ross: Come on you guys, we're sorry, alri...? Our subway broke down.
Chandler: (looking through the peephole) That's a lie, you went to the game, I can see Joey's hand.
Ross: (to Joey, who is wearing a blue, 3 foot hand) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE IT OFF!! (takes it off his hand and throws it on the floor)
Rachel: You guys, come on, it doesn't matter why we're late. We're all here now, please let us in so we can have some of your delicious turkey. (A slice of turkey on a piece of aluminum foil is slid under door)
Joey: I had a dream once about a fax machine that did that. (Ross picks it up)
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Monica: That's all the turkey you're gonna get.
[cut to the hall]
Ross: How are we gonna decide who gets this?
Joey: (holds his fist up) WATER BALLOON! (he stuffs the slice in is mouth and gives the foil back to Ross)
Phoebe: What are we gonna do? I'm starving.
Rachel: (gasps) Oh, I just remembered. We do have something to eat. Monica put something in our oven this morning.
Phoebe: Oh yeah!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
Monica: Hey, you touch that and you will be sorry.
Chandler: Guys, I'd listen to her. The vein is bigger than I've ever seen it. (Monica looks at Chandler)
[cut to the hall]
(Rachel comes out of the apartment holding a pot. Joey holds in anticipation and Rachel opens it)
Rachel: Huh... OH MY GOD IT'S BRUSSELS SPROUTS. (they all look appalled)
Ross: That's worse than no food.
[cut to Monica and Chandler]
(Monica looks insulted)
Chandler: HA-HA! All you got was Monica's stinky Brussels sprouts!
Monica: Stinky?!
Chandler: Please let me stay on this side of the door.
[cut to hall]
Rachel: Oh, I know... I still have my old key! (She goes in to get it and comes back with her keys) We can just unlock the door.
Phoebe: Well, I don't know if that's such a good idea. They clearly don't want to be with us.
Rachel: You know what? I don't want to be with them either, but it's Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together. (Goes to unlock the door)
Joey: (to Ross) Just get in there and make a face to face apology, you know? Look them in the eye. I know I can get them to forgive us.
Ross: I don't know...
Joey: I'm telling ya... (his eyes open wide and he looks like his eyes are about to pop out. He stares at Ross like this without blinking) I can do it.
Ross: (Staring back, and then breaks off) (To Phoebe and Rachel) Yeah, he can do it!
(Rachel finally manages to open the door, but the door chain is on.)
Rachel: Oh!
(Joey sticks his head through the gap. Monica and Chandler are now sitting at the dinner table. There is another smaller table full of food standing in front of the front door)
(Monica and Chandler do not look amused by Joeys head in the door)
Joey: Oh! It all looks so beautiful: the turkey, the stuffing...
(Monica is now smiling)
Chandler: The cranberries...?
Monica: Oh! Enough! A monkey could have made 'em!
Joey: (still with his door wedged in the door gap, now opens his eyes wide and stares at Monica and Chandler as he did with Ross earlier in the hall) Hey listen guys, we feel really terrible.
Chandler: He's doing that weird eye contact thing. Don't look at him, don't look at him! (They both look away)
Joey: Come on you guys, we want you to know we're (His eye widen even more) very very sorry. (Monica and Chandler are now covering their eyes with their hands) (then to the others in the hall) Right guys?
(Ross head appears above Joey's, Rachel's below Joey's and Phoebe's at the bottom)
Ross: I feel terrible.
Phoebe and Rachel: So, so sorry.
Joey: (smiling) Now let's not ruin this day. You worked so hard. Let's move past this and try to have a nice meal all together, huh?
Chandler: The floating heads do make a good point.
Monica: Yeah, they do seem to feel pretty bad.
Rachel: So bad.
Ross : So bad.
Phoebe: So bad.
Monica: (Gets up) Okay, okay. You two (to Phoebe and Rachel) go get the dessert. And I'll let you in.
Rachel: Dessert?
Monica: Yeah, I asked you and Phoebe to pick up the pies. You did remember, right?
Phoebe: Pies, oh, we thought you said priiiize (goes to the hall and comes back with Emma's trophy in her hand). Here! (gives it to Monica).
(Monica takes it and reads the label)
Monica: Grand Supreme Little Darling?
Rachel: Congratulatioooons!
Monica: Oh my God! YOU FORGOT THE PIES? Well, I cannot believe this. You force me to make dinner, then you're an hour late and you forget the one little thing that I asked you to do.
Ross: Really girls, not cool.
Chandler: Well, you manheads aren't any better. You lied about going to the game. You knew it would make you late, and you still went anyway.
Joey: Hey! I'm getting a little tired of this okay? We said we're sorry. It's Thanksgiving for Pete's sakes! A day of forgiveness!
Ross: It's a day to be thankful.
Joey: (to Ross, mouthing) Don't make me come up there!
Monica: It's too late for apologies.
Joey: Fine! Let's just go. I don't need your stupid dinner.
Chandler: That would be a lot more convincing if you weren't drooling.
Rachel: Ewww, is that what that is?
Joey: Sorry!
Phoebe: Come on you guys, let's just do our own Thanksgiving.
Rachel: Yeah! I'll cook!
Ross: Yeah! Let's go out.
Rachel: Hey!
Joey: Yeah! You three have a nice Thanksgiving.
Monica: The three of us?
Joey: Yeah! You, Chan, and the vein!
(Monica gasps and holds her forehead. Phoebe, Rachel and Ross pull back their heads)
Joey: Ha!
(When Joey tries to pull back his head, he notices he is stuck)
Joey: Oh-oh! I'm stuck!
Monica: Joey, that is not gonna work.
Joey: No seriously... I'm really wedged in here.
Phoebe: I'll pull you through.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: (in agony) aaw-ahhh-aaahhh STOP! STOP! I'm worried about damaging my head.
Chandler: A little late for that.
Joey: Alright, hurry up, you gotta do something.
Monica: Alright, well, this does not change anything. (to Chandler) Okay, we need to get something to grease the sides of his face.
Chandler: Uhm, we've got turkey grease.
Monica: Bring it.
Joey: I just wanna say that I'm sorry I referred to the vein as a seperate person...
(Chandler gives Monica a footlong "eye dropper" with the turkey grease in it)
Monica: Here you go!
(She squirts some of the grease along Joey's face.)
Joey: Oh, that smells good!
(And he starts licking the grease which trickles down his face. Monica also squirts some on the other side of his face, and his tongue follows her movements.)
Joey: Okay.
Monica: Okay, try it.
(Joey tries to pull back at all his might.)
Joey: It isn't working.
Monica: Alright, we're gonna have to unscrew the chain.
Joey: Well hurry, I can't feel my ears!
Chandler: Can you ever feel your ears?
Joey: Interesting...
Monica: Chandler, where are your tools?
Chandler: (sarcastically) Oh, I left them on my bulldozer... I don't have tools!
Monica: I do, but Rachel borrowed them.
Rachel: I lent them to Ross.
Ross: I gave them to Joey.
Joey: I left them at the park.
Monica: Oh!
Ross: (looking at Joey's butt) I'm finding it really hard not to mess with him.
Phoebe: I've already stuffed a bunch of Brussel sprouts down his pants.
Ross: Nice!
(The phone rings in Chandler and Monica's apartment)
Monica: Okay, I have to get that. Now when I get back, I want you and your friends to be gone. Thanksgiving is over. The Vein has spoken.
Joey: It's really starting to hurt.
Chandler: Okay, look, I'm gonna pull on the door and you guys push as hard as you can. Maybe we can get enough room to wiggle him out, okay? Okay, so PUSH!
Phoebe: Just a sec., we're kind in the middle of something here.
(Rachel, Ross and Phoebe have their hands full and are stuffing all kinds of things down Joeys pants.)
Joey: Ooh! Stop putting things down my pants!
Chandler: Come on guys, PUSH!
Joey: Yeah! Come on!
Joey and Chandler: PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!
(The chain breaks loose from the wall, and because Joey was pushing with all his might, he propells into the kitchen, towards the table with all the food. This table has wheels underneath it, and when Joey falls on this table, he rides into the living room, with all the food falling off, until finally Joey also falls off... Joey gets up quickly, a bit agitated, and acting as nothing happened. He is covered in food stains.)
Chandler: My cranberries!
Joey: (looking at himself) Man, I've got food all over me.
(He licks his fingers, liking it. He offers Chandler a taste.)
Chandler: Argh! I can't believe what you did. Monica's gonna kill you!
(Monica enters from the spare bedroom.)
Chandler: (to Monica) Look! Look! Look what the... Look what... Look what the floating heads did!
Monica: (very emotional) I don't care.
(Chandler can't believe what he's hearing. He looks at Monica, then at the others, then back at Monica.)
Chandler: What's going on?
Monica: That was the adoption agency...
Chandler: And?
Monica: WE'RE GETTING A BABY!
Chandler: Are you serious? (they hug)
Monica: There's a pregnant woman in Ohio, and she picked us!
(They all cheer and Rachel, Ross and Phoebe join in for a group hug. Joey also joins, but he stands back a bit, because he is all sticky of the food on him)
Rachel: I'm so happy for you!
Monica: This Thanksgiving kicks last Thanksgiving's ass!
(They all cheer and hug again, but Joey's eating the food off his shirt)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. The table is set, and there's food on the tables again. They're all there, toasting.]
Rachel: To Monica and Chandler... and that knocked up girl in Ohio.
Ross: I'm just so happy you guys are finally getting a kid.
Phoebe: I know. Have you considered pageanting?
Monica: I can't believe they called, and we're actually getting a baby. (she kisses Chandler)
Joey: Oh, I know how you feel...
(Monica and Chandler are looking curiously at Joey.)
Rachel: Really?
Joey: Sure. I went through the exact same thing with Alicia Mae Emory... The waiting, the wandering... Then one day... I get that call from Toys "R" Us... She was in stock!
Chandler: That is the exact same thing. | Plan: A: Monica; Q: Who lets Chandler help make cranberry sauce? A: Thanksgiving; Q: What holiday did Monica and Chandler decide not to host? A: Monica's competitive nature; Q: What does Phoebe appeal to in order to convince Monica and Chandler to host Thanksgiving? A: time; Q: What did Monica and Chandler lock the door and refuse to let anyone in because they were angry that nobody turned up on what? A: Emma; Q: What character did Rachel and Phoebe enter in a beauty pageant? A: win; Q: What did Rachel and Phoebe do in the beauty pageant? A: Joey; Q: Who gets stuck in the door and is sent flying into the food when the door breaks? A: a Rangers game; Q: What did Ross and Joey go to? A: four; Q: How many people are late to Thanksgiving? A: their heads; Q: What does everyone manage to get in the door but no further due to the chain being bolted? A: the argument; Q: What is forgotten when Monica and Chandler get a call telling them a girl from Ohio has picked them to adopt her baby? A: her baby; Q: What does a girl from Ohio want to adopt? A: a belated Thanksgiving; Q: What do Monica and Chandler have for Thanksgiving after they get a call that they've been chosen to adopt a baby? Summary: Monica and Chandler decide not to host Thanksgiving but Phoebe convinces them to by appealing to Monica's competitive nature. Chandler helps out for the first time by making cranberry sauce and surprisingly, Monica lets him. Rachel and Phoebe enter Emma in a beauty pageant and win while Ross and Joey go to a Rangers game and as a result all four are nearly an hour late. Angry that nobody turned up on time when they didn't want to host the meal to begin with, Monica and Chandler lock the door and refuse to let anyone in. Everyone manages to get their heads in the door but no further due to the chain being bolted, and eventually Joey gets stuck and is sent flying into the food when the door breaks. However, the argument is forgotten when Monica and Chandler get a call telling them a girl from Ohio has picked them to adopt her baby and everyone sits down for a belated Thanksgiving. |
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Prue and Piper are making a potion. There are ingredients everywhere. Piper puts something in a pot and a flame shoots up.]
Piper: Okay, even if this works, we still have to find Belthazor.
Prue: Well, I have an idea how to do that but first things first. Cockles.
Piper: Cockles?
Prue: They're over by the crickets.
Piper: And what exactly are they?
Prue: Small leaping insects that chirp.
Piper: That's funny. I meant the cockle shells, not the crickets.
Prue: I'm not really sure but as long as they help vanquish Belthazor that's all I really care about.
Piper: It would be nice to get back to our lives such as they were.
Prue: Pigs feet.
Piper: Yecchh.
Prue: Yecchh?
Piper: Yecchh.
Prue: So you can slice up a chunk of demon flesh but you can't touch pigs foot.
Piper: I'm a vegetarian.
Prue: Since when?
Piper: Since now.
Prue: Now is not the time to get squeamish, okay. This recipe is very important. We have to follow it to a tee. (Prue puts a pigs foot in the pot and another flame shoots up.) Ooh!
Piper: Poor piggy.
Prue: Uh, everything's in there, we just need to get the slice of Belthazor flesh and we're good to go. Let's test it. Pheebs?
Piper: Something tells me she's not in a vanquishing mood.
Prue: Why not?
Piper: She's worried about Cole. She hasn't heard from him in over a week.
Prue: And that's a bad thing?
Piper: Prue.
Prue: You know what? I don't like him and I don't trust him. And is has nothing to do with being a greasy lawyer either.
(Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: Greasy what?
Piper: Uh, greasy layer. There's a greasy layer on this potion.
Prue: Too much mandrake.
Piper: Okay, uh, what do you say we do this incantation.
Phoebe: Anything to get rid of Belthazor before Cole gets back. And he is coming back.
Piper: Okay.
Prue/Piper/Phoebe: "Spirits of air, forests and sea, set us of this demon free; beasts of hoof and beasts of shell, drive this evil back to hell."
(The potion bubbles.)
Phoebe: Uh-oh, didn't work.
Prue: No, you forgot the Belthazor flesh.
Piper: Oh yes.
Phoebe: How can we forget the Belthazor flesh?
(Piper gets the flesh out of the fridge.)
Prue: Is it just slack or...?
Piper: Give me a second, lady. Alright, ready? (She puts the flesh in the pot and it explodes. Piper falls to the ground.)
Phoebe: Piper!?
(They help her up.)
Prue: Are you alright?
Piper: It's the attack of the killer pigs feet. Remind me to step back next time.
[Scene: Cemetery. People are there attending a funeral.]
[Cut to a grave. Belthazor falls to the ground and leans against a headstone. He is hurt. He gets up and stumbles over to a mausoleum. He leaves a spot of blood on the headstone.]
[Cut back to the grave. A demon (Krell) appears and wipes the blood off of the headstone. He smells it and looks around. He sees the door of the mausoleum close.]
[Cut inside the mausoleum. Belthazor is hiding in there. Krell walks in.]
Krell: You know what I am, Belthazor. You know you can't escape from me know that you can't shimmer anymore. You'd be pleased, the bounty on you was determined by the source himself. A reflection no doubt of your triumphs and your betrayals. You're wounded, powerless, think of your legacy, Belthazor. I as a legend, not a coward.
(Belthazor runs towards the door. Krell sees him and tries to zap him. Belthazor zaps a column and it falls near the demon. Belthazor runs outside. He changes back into Cole, then back to Belthazor, then back into Cole. Cole walks over to the people who attended the funeral. Krell walks out of the mausoleum.)
Cole: (to a woman) Mind if I hitch a ride?
Woman: Are you going to the wake?
Cole: Yeah, yeah, sure.
Woman: Come on.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Manor. Prue comes down the stairs. Phoebe walks into the foyer.]
Prue: Hey.
Phoebe: I'll be back.
Prue: Um, where you going?
Phoebe: I am going to school (they go into the living room) and then I'm going to Cole's.
(Phoebe puts some books in her bag.)
Prue: Okay, aren't you forgetting something? Like vanquishing Belthazor?
Phoebe: Wait, I though you had to write a spell to summon him first.
Prue: Yes, and it's done. I'm using the one that we called Melinda from the past with, just re-wrote it a little bit.
Phoebe: Really? Think it'll work?
Prue: Well, yeah, I mean, it should. It's magic calling magic. Although in this case dark magic. Phoebe, why are you going to Cole's again? I mean, what do you really expect to find?
Phoebe: Mmm, actually, I was gonna go to his office. And how do you know I've already been to Cole's?
Prue: Well, you got a parking ticket there yesterday when you borrowed my car.
Phoebe: Oops, sorry, I'll pay for it.
Prue: Phoebe, that's not the point. Look, please, don't take this out on me, alright. I'm not the bad guy.
Phoebe: I know, I would just like some understanding, you know, some support here.
Prue: Look, I can't support you when I think you're just setting yourself up to get hurt. I have to be honest with you, we have to be honest with each other. That's the promise we made when Belthazor tried to split us apart, remember?
Phoebe: Yeah, it just doesn't help that you never really liked Cole from the beginning.
Prue: Yeah, well, I mean, you never really like any of my boyfriends either.
Phoebe: That's very true.
Prue: I'm sorry, alright. This is your call and not mine.
(Piper walks in.)
Phoebe: Thank you.
Piper: Okay, are we gonna do this or what?
Prue: Uh, we are, Phoebe's not.
Phoebe: Are you sure?
Prue: Yeah, yeah, go to Cole's. It's fine. Uh, we don't need the power of three to vanquish, just the potion.
Piper: Okay, well, why don't you take this in case.
(She hands Phoebe the potion.)
Phoebe: Okay, just you guys no more whispering, okay. It's hard enough for me to know that Cole's keeping secrets from me. I can't take it from you too.
(She leaves.)
[Scene: An alley. Cole is there. He has his hand pressed against his wound. He leans against the wall and takes of his coat. He unbuttons his shirt and pulls a rag off his wound. He takes off his shirt and tries to rip it in half. He can't so he changes into Belthazor and rips the shirt in half. He holds part of the shirt against his wound. A homeless man walks around the corner and Belthazor runs away. The homeless man walks over to where Cole dropped his coat and picks it up.]
[Scene: Manor. Dining room. Prue and Piper are there. They tip the dining table onto its side.]
Piper: This is gonna be messy.
Prue: That's why we scotch guard. (Prue hands Piper the potion.) You ready?
Piper: I'm ready as I'll ever be.
Prue: Alright.
(They crouch down behind the table.)
Prue, Piper: "Magic forces black and white, reaching out through space and light, be he far or be he near, bring us the demon Belthazor here."
(It gets windy.)
Piper: It's working.
Prue: Alright, you ready?
Piper: Uh-huh.
Prue: On three.
Prue, Piper: 1, 2, 3.
(Krell appears and they throw the potion at him.)
Piper: There's no boom. Why is there no boom?
Prue: I don't know.
Krell: Stupid witches.
Prue: He's not... (He tries to zap them and puts a huge hold in the table.) Ooh, you know what? That is an antique!
(Prue uses her power and he flies towards the grandfather clock. Piper freezes him in mid-air.)
Piper: Not the clock! We can't afford to keep fixing that thing. (They walk over to him.) Unless Belthazor can morph, that is definitely not him.
Prue: Alright, that doesn't make sense. How did we get the wrong demon? Hey, do you think that you could just unfreeze his head? That way we could ask.
Piper: His head?
Prue: Yeah, his head.
Piper: Why not? (Piper unfreezes his head.) That's different.
Prue: That's cool.
(They giggle.)
Krell: What did you do to me?
Prue: Uh, hi, you know what? You're sort of frozen in mid-air therefore we'll be asking the questions, okay? Who are you?
Krell: Someone who's gonna butcher you if you don't unfreeze me right now.
Piper: Okay. (Piper unfreezes him and he crashes into the grandfather clock. Prue gives her a look.) What? It was worth it.
(They go over to him and Prue puts her foot on his chest.)
Prue: Alright, you start talking or we start the bonus round.
Krell: I am Krell, a Zotar.
Prue: Hi, I'm Prue, a Scorpio. Where's Belthazor?
(He pushes Prue's leg off his chest and Prue and Piper back away. Krell stands up.)
Krell: Wait, don't. I won't attack if you don't. I'm a bounty hunter. I track fugitive demons and it looks like we're after the same one.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Outside Cole's office. Phoebe walks up to the door, looks around and then walks inside. She sees someone sitting in Cole's chair facing the wall.]
Phoebe: Cole? (The chair spins around and a man is sitting in it.) Oh, I'm so sorry, I was just looking for Cole Turner.
Man: Well, that's alright, so am I. (He gets out of the chair and walks over to Phoebe.) Reese Davidson. DA Bureau of Investigations. (He shows her his badge.) And you are?
Phoebe: Phoebe.
Reese: Phoebe? Is that like Cher or Madonna, or do you have a last name?
Phoebe: No, of-of course. Uh, Halliwell. Phoebe Halliwell. Is Cole okay?
Reese: How do you know him?
Phoebe: You didn't answer my question.
Reese: I know. Look, I have no idea if he's alright or not. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Nobody's heard from his since Monday. Are you his girl?
Phoebe: Yeah, I'm his girl.
Reese: Well, did he mention anything to you about what he was doing? Where he was going?
Phoebe: No. A couple of weeks ago he had a suitcase packed but he said his plans had changed.
Reese: What plan?
Phoebe: I don't know. Uh, something about a big case that he was working on.
Reese: Hmm... (He picks up a folder.) Now, according to his filing he hasn't been working on a case, big or small. Not for a couple of months. All he's done is file extensions. Makes you wonder what he's been doing with himself. Well, if you think of anything that might help, (he hands her his card) call me okay. Okay?
Phoebe: Yeah.
(She leaves.)
[Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Prue, Piper and Krell are there.]
Krell: I should've known better then to underestimate him. I thought that because Belthazor couldn't shimmer, his other powers were useless as well.
Piper: So you don't have the power to vanquish him?
Krell: Obviously not. Otherwise I wouldn't have needed to intercept your little calling card, now would I?
Piper: Hey, you know what? How about next time I just freeze your head and then maybe I could kick you in the--
Prue: Alright, uh, so Belthazor was sent by the triad to kill us. How do we know that you weren't sent by them too?
Krell: You're joking, right? I don't believe this. You really don't know? You're Whitelighter must really be sleeping on the job.
Piper: Hey, now wait a minute, pal.
Prue: Piper. What don't we know?
Krell: Belthazor killed the triad. That's why he's on the run, that's why I'm here.
Prue: Why would he do that?
Krell: Probably because they were going to kill him. For failing to kill you. Ironically his inability to shimmer saved him from you killing him.
Prue: So instead we got you.
Krell: Believe me, just the thought of working with you turns my stomachs.
Piper: Stomachs?
Krell: But right now I'm more interested in killing Belthazor than witches.
Piper: Hmm.
Krell: Like it or not, we need each other. You can't find him without me, I can't vanquish him without your potion.
Prue: So then you know where he is?
Piper: Prue, you can't be seriously considering this.
Prue: Answer the question.
Krell: I can track his scent, his blood, when he's in his demonic form not his human one. Fortunately, he can't maintain his human self for long, especially wounded. It drains him.
Piper: Uh, hi, could you come here, over here, please? (Prue goes over to Piper.) We've tried working with demons before, it was a bad idea then. And it's definitely a bad idea now.
Prue: (to Krell) We'll let you know.
Krell: No, you'll let me know now. (silence) Think fast. Belthazor won't stop trying to kill you. Only the heads of the charmed ones will convince the source to spare him.
(He disappears)
Prue/Piper: Leo!
[Scene: Outside Cole's apartment. Phoebe knocks on the door.]
Phoebe: Cole? Cole, are you in there? ( A neighbour pokes her head out of her apartment.) Oh, sorry. (The neighbour goes back inside. Phoebe sees drops of blood on the carpet leading to Cole's apartment. She opens his door.) Cole? Hello?
(She walks inside. She sees more drops of blood leading into his bathroom.)
[Cut inside the bathroom. Belthazor is there standing behind the door.]
[Cut back to Phoebe.]
Phoebe: Cole? (She walks into the bathroom and sees Cole putting on a shirt. She gets a fright. She sees his wound.) Cole.
Cole: You really shouldn't be here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Cole's apartment. His bedroom.]
Phoebe: Okay, Cole. Come on, lay down. (He lays down on the bed.) Lay down. Easy. Are you okay?
Cole: Do I look okay?
Phoebe: I'm sorry. Okay, let's see how bad this is.
Cole: No, no, don't.
Phoebe: Believe me, I've seen worse, Cole.
(She goes to take off the bandage but he grabs her wrist.)
Cole: I said don't. Please.
Phoebe: We've got to get you to the hospital.
Cole: It's not safe there, they'll find me.
Phoebe: Who will find you? What's going on? Who's after you. There was somebody looking for you today at your office. An investigator.
(He sits up.)
Cole: You didn't tell him anything did you?
Phoebe: I don't know anything.
Cole: What did he look like? You sure he wasn't a de-- A?
Phoebe: He said that he was. And he also said that he needed to (Cole groans.) Okay, come on, back down, back down. (He lays back down.) I'm gonna go get some help, okay. (whispers) Leo?
Cole: Phoebe, come on.
Phoebe: Cole, I am not just gonna sit back and watch you die, okay. (whispers) Leo? (to Cole) Um, I am gonna go back to the house, okay, and I'm gonna get Leo. He's a doctor, he can heal you.
Cole: Okay.
Phoebe: Are you sure it's safe for you here?
Cole: They've already looked for me here, they won't be back. Not for a while anyway.
(She kisses him.)
Phoebe: You'd better be here when I get back.
(She leaves. Cole changes into Belthazar and then back to himself again.)
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Leo are there.]
Piper: I don't understand. How can you not know the triad is dead? Don't you think that's kind of important? Especially since, oh, I don't know. They've been trying to kill us for the past two years.
Leo: They're heard rumours, talk, nothing substantiated.
Piper: Well, I guess you can substantiate it now can't you? Geez, have you been sleeping on the job or what?
Prue: So, Leo, don't mind her, she's just a little cranky.
Piper: Well, you know what? I get that way when demons are trying to kill us.
Prue: Piper, I really don't think that Krell is trying to kill us otherwise he probably would've tried by now.
Piper: Oh, yeah? Tell that to the dining room table.
Leo: Is there anything in there on Zotars?
Prue: Yeah, everything that he said about them which makes me think that everything else he has said might be true too.
Piper: Including the part about how he likes to kill witches?
Prue: Including the part about all of us working together.
Piper: Are you willing not to? Look, Piper, if we do nothing and Belthazor somehow gets all of his powers back then we are going to be looking back over our shoulders. Again. Personally I'm tired of that.
Piper: I know, I know, okay. I-I know you thing she's right and
Leo: If you don't vanquish him now you may not get another chance.
[Time Lapse. Prue and Piper are in the conservatory saying a spell.]
Prue/Piper: Magic forces black and white, reaching out through space and light, be he far or be he near, bring us the demon Belthazor here.
(Krall appears in the foyer. Phoebe walks in the house and sees him.)
Phoebe: Demon!
(She runs over to him.)
Piper: Phoebe, no, no, no, Phoebe!
(Phoebe jumps up, hangs onto a beam, and kicks Krell in the head.)
Phoebe: What-what is going on? Who is that?
(Prue, Piper and Leo walk into the foyer.)
Prue: He is a demonic bounty hunter who is here to help us find Belthazor.
Piper: Why don't you go sniff something while we fill her in.
Krell: There's no time. I just picked up Belthazor's scent again.
Prue: Alright, gives us a minute. (to Phoebe) Come here. Alright, listen, here's the deal. Belthazor killed the triad, now the source wants him dead. Krell is trying to suck up to the source so he wants to kill Belthazor.
Piper: Belthazor wants to kill us so the source won't kill him.
Leo: And if you work with Krell you can vanquish Belthazor before he kills you.
Phoebe: Works for me. Leo, I have to talk to you for a minute.
Krell: How do you witches ever get anything done? If we're working together we need to move now.
Prue: Alright, we're ready.
Krell: Do you have the potion?
Piper: Do you have the scent?
Krell: I said I did didn't I? You two come with me. The others should go to the old cemetery.
Leo: Wait, split up? Why?
Krell: Because he might be hiding there that's why. Evil frequent cemeteries. Makes it difficult for me to track a demon's scent there. Belthazor knows that.
Phoebe: Okay, so why don't Leo and I go to the cemetery and you guys go with him.
Piper: Are you sure?
Phoebe: Positive.
Prue: Alright, let's go, we're ready. Oh, hey, I almost forgot to ask. Did you find out anything about Cole?
Phoebe: Uh, no, nothing at all about Cole. (Prue and Piper leave.) We need to go.
[Scene: Outside Cole's apartment. Phoebe and Leo are walking down the hallway.]
Leo: Phoebe, we shouldn't even be here. Belthazor
Phoebe: Can wait. Cole can't. Leo, he will die without your help.
Leo: Then he should be in a hospital.
Phoebe: He won't go.
Leo: Phoebe, I can not heal mortals, you know that. Not unless they were hurt by evil. It's against the rules.
Phoebe: So break the rules. You've done it before. I'm sorry, that wasn't fair. I just, I can't let him die, Leo.
Leo: You shouldn't be asking me to do this.
Phoebe: I know, but I am. (They go inside. Cole is sitting on the floor.) Cole. (She runs over to him.) Cole. Come here. (She lays him on the floor. Leo kneels down beside him and takes off the bandage. He starts to heal him and sparks come out of his hands.) Leo, what's the matter.
Leo: Something's not right.
(Leo flies back into a chair.)
Phoebe: Leo, are you okay?
Leo: Yeah, I think so.
Phoebe: Cole.
Cole: Phoebe.
Phoebe: It's okay. You're okay now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Cole's apartment. Phoebe walks into Cole's room carrying a glass of water.]
Phoebe: Here you go, baby.
(He drinks some water.)
Cole: Thanks. I feel like I've been hit by a truck.
Phoebe: You're lucky to be feeling anything right now.
Cole: Yeah, I know. (to Cole) You must be one hell of a doctor.
Phoebe: He is. He's the best.
Cole: I owe you one.
Leo: Forget it. Phoebe, can I talk to you out here?
Cole: Go ahead. I'm fine.
Phoebe: Okay, I'll be right back. (She kissed his forehead and she and Leo go out in the hallway.) What's the matter?
Leo: Phoebe, listen to me, I think we should get of here now.
Phoebe: I agree. Whoever's after him could come back.
Leo: That is not what I'm talking about. You saw what happened in there.
Phoebe: Yeah, you healed him.
Leo: No, Phoebe, I only healed part of him. That has never happened before.
Phoebe: Well, maybe it's just because he's weak.
Leo: That is not the reason. I can heal mortals completely. There is no other explanation. He is not who you think he is.
Phoebe: No. I don't understand.
Leo: He is a demon, Phoebe. For all we know he could be the demon that you are trying to vanquish.
Phoebe: That's ridiculous.
Leo: Think about it. Okay, they're both hurt, they're both on the run. You saw where Cole's wound is. It is the same place where Piper cut the flesh from Belthazor.
Phoebe: No, I don't believe it.
Leo: You have to believe it.
Phoebe: No, I don't, Leo. I don't. Maybe you should just go.
Leo: No way I'm leaving you here alone with him.
Phoebe: I have the potion don't I? Just go.
(Leo orbs out. Phoebe walks back inside. She looks around for Cole. She closed the door and Cole is standing behind it. She gets a fright.)
Cole: Everything alright?
Phoebe: Yeah, everything's fine.
[Scene: An alley. Prue, Piper and Krell are there.]
Krell: I can smell his blood, he's close.
Prue: Where?
Krell: Get your potions.
Prue: You know, it's too bad that he's such a bad guy cause he could really come in handy.
Piper: Don't push it.
(They walk down the alley. Krell removes some boxes where a homeless person is sleeping.)
Krell: Vanquish him.
Homeless Man: Hey, what's going on? Who are you?
Krell: It's a trick. He's in his human form. Throw the potion.
Prue: I don't know, Krell. Don't you think he would've picked a better human? Oh, no offense, honey.
Homeless Man: Oh, none taken.
(Krell snatches the potion off of Piper.)
Piper: Hey, easy! (Krell throws the potion at the homeless man.) And you call yourself a Zotar.
(Krell picks up Cole's coat and smells it.)
Krell: Where did you get this coat?
Homeless Man: I didn't do anything.
(Krell picks up the guy and pushes him against a fence.)
Krell: Tell me.
Homeless Man: I just found it.
Prue: Leave him alone, he doesn't know anything.
Homeless Man: Yeah.
(Krell starts zapping him and Prue trips him to stop him.)
Homeless Man: Thanks lady.
Krell: Touch me again, witch, and I'll kill you.
Prue: You had no reason to hurt that man.
Krell: I'm a demon, it's my nature to hurt people.
Prue: Yeah, and it's in our nature to protect them.
Krell: He's a pathetic wretch. His life means nothing. If you'd let me torture him we'd know where he found the coat.
Prue: Whatever it takes.
Krell: That's right.
Prue: Well, from here on out, it's gonna take doing this our way.
Krell: Ha, then we will fail. 'Cause your morality cripples you. It blinds you from doing what must be done.
Prue: There are better ways of getting answers out of people, Krell. (She picks up the coat.) Maybe Phoebe can get a premonition off this thing.
Piper: Well, at least we know Belthazor has very expensive taste. (Prue looks at the coat.) What? What is it?
Prue: How long ago did the triad send Belthazor?
Krell: Two months ago. Why?
Prue: Because Cole has one exactly like it.
Piper: Cole? You think Cole is...
Prue: Belthazor's human form.
[Scene: Cole's apartment. Cole is in the bathroom. Phoebe is waiting out in the living room.]
Cole: Too bad Leo had to leave like that. I didn't really get a chance to thank him properly.
Phoebe: He knows.
(Cole comes out.)
Cole: He knows what?
Phoebe: He knows how grateful you are.
Cole: Oh. Good. (Cole goes back in the bathroom. Phoebe looks in his briefcase. It's empty.) Still, I don't know how he did it. I'd sure like to know what his secret is.
Phoebe: (to herself) I'll bet.
Cole: Sorry?
Phoebe: Uh, nothing, never mind. Hey, don't you think you should lay down and rest? I mean, you are still hurt.
Cole: I can't. I've still got those people that did this to me to deal with.
Phoebe: Yeah, and you won't tell me who they are, huh?
(She looks in his drawers and they are empty too.)
Cole: I really can't.
Phoebe: They don't have anything to do with that case you're working on? The reason I ask is because when that DA investigator came by today, he was asking me about it and I realised that I really didn't know anything.
(Cole comes out of the bathroom.)
Cole: Looking for something?
(She holds up a pencil.)
Phoebe: A piece of paper. I wanted to write myself a little note.
Cole: It's right in front of you by the phone.
(Phoebe laughs.)
Phoebe: Thanks. (She picks up the notepad. Cole goes back in the bathroom. Phoebe gets the potion out of her bag.)
[Cut to downstairs. Prue, Piper and Krell walk inside the building.]
Piper: What are we gonna do?
Prue: We're gonna vanquish him.
Piper: We're gonna vanquish Phoebe's boyfriend? That's gonna cause some problems.
Krell: If you hesitate he's gonna kill us all.
Piper: Excuse me, I'm having a private conversation over here.
Prue: You know, I can not believe I let him out of that demon trap when I caught him. What was I thinking?
Piper: Prue, we don't know anything for sure yet. (Leo orbs in.) Leo, what are you doing here?
Leo: I didn't wanna get in between you guys but I didn't know what to do.
Prue: About what?
Leo: I think Cole is...
Prue: Belthazor's human form. Yeah, that's why we're here.
Leo: How did you know?
Piper: Where's Phoebe?
Leo: She's upstairs with Cole, apartment seven.
Krell: Tell me you didn't heal him.
Leo: Well, not completely.
Krell: You idiot.
Piper: Leo!
Leo: Phoebe begged me. I didn't know what to do.
Piper: You stay here, we'll fix it.
[Cut to Cole's apartment.]
Cole: Is there something wrong, Phoebe? Something you're not telling me?
Phoebe: Don't you think you think you have that backwards?
Cole: Meaning?
Phoebe: You're the one with all the secrets, right?
Cole: Am I? You sure about that?
Phoebe: I don't really know what I'm sure about anymore.
Cole: Yeah, I know how you feel.
Phoebe: I doubt that.
Cole: I think I know what's going on here, Phoebe, and I'm sorry it's come to this. But I'm not sorry about us. You need to know that.
Phoebe: You never told me where you were from.
Cole: You never asked.
Phoebe: I'm asking now.
Cole: Why don't you ask me what you really want to know, Phoebe. I won't lie to you.
Phoebe: Who are you?
(Prue, Piper and Krall burst in.)
Cole: Krell.
(Cole changes into Belthazor. Phoebe looks shocked. A knife appears in his hand and he grabs Phoebe. Krell tries to zap Belthazor but Prue pushes his hand out of the way.)
Prue: No!
(Belthazor shimmers out of the room taking Phoebe with him.)
Piper: Phoebe.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Cole's apartment. Continued from before.]
Krell: You let Belthazor escape.
Prue: You almost killed our sister.
Krell: Your sister's dead anyway. He only needed her to get away.
Piper: I don't think Cole will hurt Phoebe.
Prue: No, but maybe Belthazor would.
Piper: Then why hasn't he? He's had so many chances.
Krell: He just used her until he could get all three of you. The Charmed Ones. Why he couldn't follow through I'll never understand.
Piper: Maybe he fell in love.
Prue: Yeah, or maybe that was just a trick. I mean, demons will do whatever it takes, remember?
Krell: Glad to see I've had a positive influence on you. I can save your sister if it's not too late.
Prue: Why would you want to?
Krell: I wouldn't. But I'll do it if it's the only was to kill Belthazor. Give me the potion. I can find him and get to him faster alone.
Piper: Nice try. Forget it.
Prue: You already said that you can't track him if can shimmer.
Krell: But he can't shimmer well. He needs time to recharge. Your Whitelighter only healed his human half.
Piper: I'm sorry, his human half?
Krell: That's why the triad sent him. He understands you. He can blend in. A full-blooded demon could never have gotten so close. Give me the potion.
Prue: If you hurt her, we'll track you down.
(Prue hands Krell the potion. He disappears.)
Piper: Do you really trust him?
Prue: No. Come on.
Piper: Where are we going?
Prue: Oh, to where demons hide.
[Scene: Cemetary. Belthazor and Phoebe shimmer in.]
Phoebe: Can we stop shimmering all over the place? I'm gonna vomit.
Belthazor: -----.
(Phoebe elbows him in the stomach and flips him over onto the ground. She gets the potion.)
Phoebe: And now it's time to vanquish you. (Belthazor changes back into Cole.) Don't even think that's gonna save you.
Cole: I don't. I just wanted you to see who I really am, Phoebe.
Phoebe: I've seen who you really are... Belthazor.
(She gets ready to throw the potion.)
Cole: Wait, wait, I won't hurt you.
Phoebe: No? It's a little late for that don't you think? Why? Why didn't you just kill me? Why did you have to put me through all this? Was it some sick twisted demonic thrill? Was that what it was?
Cole: No, that's not it.
Phoebe: Then what was it?
Cole: I couldn't kill you. I tried. I was supposed to. I mean, at first you and your sisters thwarted my attempts. Even when I went back in time to destroy your line on All Hallows Eve.
Phoebe: That was you?
Cole: Then Troxa, Andras. I got him to strip your powers, to make you vulnerable. I had you too, right where I wanted you. All I had to do was finish the job. But I couldn't. Because I realised I loved you.
Phoebe: You b*st*rd.
Cole: That's the truth, Phoebe. I admit everything else was a lie, but not that. I know you know that too. In your heart. This isn't a mask, Phoebe. It's who I am. Who I really am. I'm half human. My father was mortal.
Phoebe: You're lying.
Cole: How else would I bleed red? Even as my demon self. You have to believe me, Phoebe. I forgot what it was like to be human. To feel, to care. Then I met you.
Phoebe: No, it doesn't change anything. Because you're still a demon.
Cole: One who's done unspeakable things. (Krell appears near by.) But you've awakened something in me, Phoebe. Something I thought had died a long time ago. My humanity, my ability to love.
Phoebe: I wanna believe you.
Cole: Then let me prove it to you. (Cole spreads out his arms.) Vanquish me.
(Krell zaps him. He flies through the air and lands hard on the ground.)
Phoebe: Cole! (She runs over to him.) Cole, you've gotta get up. Cole, get up! (She helps him up.) Come on, come on! (She helps him into a mausoleum. Krell zaps near them. Cole coughs and leans on a coffin.) Cole, no, don't do this. Come on.
(She helps him walk over to a corner of the mausoleum. He sits down. Krell walks in.)
Krell: I should've known you'd come back here.
Cole: Don't hurt her.
Krell: You disappoint, Belthazor. You've changed, you let your weaker human side affect your better judgment. It's going to cost you your life. (He holds up the potion. Phoebe kicks it out of his hand and then kicks him. She blocks his punches and kicks him again. He falls over a coffin. Phoebe jumps on top of the coffin and as she jumps back off to kick him, he disappears. He reappears behind her.) Witch.
(She turns around. He holds up his hand ready to zap her.)
Cole: Nooo! (Cole zaps Krell and vanquishes him. Cole stands up.) Do you believe me now?
(Phoebe walks over and kisses him.)
[Cut to outside. Prue and Piper are there.]
Prue: Phoebe?
Piper: Phoebe!
[Cut back in the mausoleum. Cole and Phoebe are still kissing.]
Piper: (from outside) Phoebe!
(They stop kissing.)
Cole: I better go.
Phoebe: They'll keep looking for you until they find you.
Cole: Your sisters?
Phoebe: Them too.
Piper: (from outside) Phoebe?
Phoebe: Give me your shirt.
(She starts taking off his shirt.)
Cole: My shirt?
Phoebe: Hurry up. (He takes off his shirt and Phoebe drops it on the ground. She picks up the potion and gets out the dagger.) Give me your hand. Trust me.
(Phoebe cuts Cole's hand with the dagger and squeezes the blood onto his shirt. She drops the potion onto his shirt and it burns and makes a loud noise.)
[Cut to outside. Prue and Piper hear the noise.]
Prue: Phoebe.
Piper: There.
(They run towards the mausoleum.)
[Cut back inside.]
Phoebe: Nobody will look for you anymore. You're dead.
Piper: (from outside) Phoebe!
Phoebe: Down here. (to Cole) You have to go. Please.
(They kiss and Cole shimmers out. Prue and Piper run in.)
Prue: Pheebs?
Piper: Phoebe, thank god you're okay.
(They see the burning pile.)
Phoebe: He killed Krell.
Prue: And you did what you had to do.
(Prue hugs her.)
Phoebe: I know.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe is lying on the couch holding Cole's dagger. Prue and Piper walk in. Piper's holding a tray of food.]
Piper: We brought you some comfort food.
Phoebe: Thanks, I'm not really that hungry.
Prue: You wanna talk?
Phoebe: I don't know what there is to talk about. You were right as usual.
Prue: I didn't wanna be right.
Phoebe: I know. Believe me, Prue, you have nothing to apologise for. But I do. What I did was...
Piper: Phoebe, he fooled us all, not just you.
Phoebe: That's not what I mean. I don't know, I just, I feel so... ashamed.
Piper: You can't be so hard on yourself.
Prue: You didn't do anything wrong, you know.
Phoebe: Didn't I?
Prue: Well, the important thing is that it's over. We can get on with our lives now.
Piper: At least until the next Belthazor attacks. We'll leave you alone.
Prue: Let us know if you need anything.
Phoebe: Thanks.
(They walk out of the room.) | Plan: A: the Charmed Ones; Q: Who fought off Belthazor? A: Phoebe; Q: Who is worried about Cole? A: the sisters; Q: Who is surprised to discover Cole's identity? A: the potion; Q: What are the sisters mixing to destroy Belthazor? A: Krell; Q: Who is the demon bounty hunter that the Charmed Ones meet? A: the Source; Q: Who sent Krell to the Charmed Ones? A: Prue; Q: Which sister agrees to help Krell? Summary: After Cole mysteriously leaves following the Charmed Ones fought off Belthazor, Phoebe starts to worry and wonder what has happened to him. As the sisters begin mixing the potion that they plan on using to destroy Belthazor, they get an unexpected visitor: a demon bounty hunter called Krell. When he tells them that he was sent by the Source to destroy Belthazor, Prue and Piper readily agree to help him out, while Phoebe is preoccupied by her worry for Cole. Later, the sisters are surprised to discover Cole's identity and as a result, Phoebe is conflicted whether she should help vanquish Belthazor or let him escape. |
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